# If you could wish away the day you met your X



## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

If you could wish away the day you met your X would you do it?
I actually wonder what my life would have been like if I never married her or even dated her. I think I really wish I had never met her.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Inspite of everything, I would not wish that, as a matter of fact I would go back and re-live it again, because my good memories are that good, and I would get to raise my daughters from birth again, even with the same outcome as of right now.


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

+1. I would not have traded the last 15 years for anything else.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Well you guys with kids, I see your points, I didnt have kids with Joyce and while their were definetly awesome time the creature she became after she went through the change... well I wish I could undo the whole thing


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I wouldn't change a thing. I have some "wishes" associated with the past but I find it's pointless. Bit like “if only”. Nothing about the past can be undone. It is what it was. I too had so much joy and happiness that the bad fades into insignificance. I’m writing a book on my life and creating a video from the many photos I have going back to ’68 along with the music. So I can relive the happy and joyful times and to see what I’ve learnt from the bad.

Bob


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## CodeNameBob (Jun 3, 2010)

My STBX and I did not have kids together, but we did create some great memories together. I would never take any of it back or change a thing. The man I have become today is brcause of my relationship with her, the may I will be tomorrow is because of her. I have no idea who that man is going to be, but I know it is because of her.


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## JustCallMeGirl (May 17, 2010)

I would not wish away the day I met my husband. I will always care about him. I do wish, however, I would've taken notice of some of the signs that got us where we are today and addressed them then.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

about a week after my H and i were dating we got in a fight. he walked out and i told him i didnt care what his reasons were for leaving but to never come back. I wish he had never come back.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Blanca said:


> about a week after my H and i were dating we got in a fight. he walked out and i told him i didnt care what his reasons were for leaving but to never come back. I wish he had never come back.


Sorry Blanca but don't you think you've already wished enough of your life away. Nearly 4,000 posts and your still "stuck". Geesh! lol

Bob


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

there were lots of good memories but right now I have been so hurt that even those memories are painful to remember.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Sorry Blanca but don't you think you've already wished enough of your life away. Nearly 4,000 posts and your still "stuck". Geesh! lol
> 
> Bob


Bob, that really wasnt nice, I have a friend that never recovered from her divorce, she is not still in pain and she moved on in life, but she never had another relationship after her divorce. People are different, so while I am happy you are on the road to full recovery I see no reason to put someone down who is having a hard with the pain.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

AFEH said:


> Sorry Blanca but don't you think you've already wished enough of your life away. Nearly 4,000 posts and your still "stuck". Geesh! lol
> 
> Bob


what makes you think im stuck bob? and where am i stuck?


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## McFly (Jan 26, 2011)

I know the thread's old.... but I'd wish away the day my ex met the OM.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Brewster 59 said:


> If you could wish away the day you met your X would you do it?
> I actually wonder what my life would have been like if I never married her or even dated her. I think I really wish I had never met her.


no, I wish the last x months never happened, but the previous 20 years were great.


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

No, I will never forget and wouldn't want to, the first day I saw him I was totally gone. He was so confident and good looking. THere was a lot more to him and not all good, after that, but we were good together for a long time, and still could be. I have 2 great kids, he is a huge part of who they are.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I have two kids that I love dearly but if I had to go back and live the last 20 years over knowing what i know now..I just couldn't do it. 

Too much pain. I still have physical scars on my legs and arms from cutting myself because of all the torment.... "The scars remind me that that the past is real". 

I love my husband and I love my kids but if I could go back and be someplace else on the day I met my husband..I have to say I would.


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## CaliMomof3 (Jan 3, 2011)

I have to agree with Freak On a Leash. I have three amazing children I love dearly but that is all I got out of a 12 year marriage. If I were to be honest and acknowledge all of the signs I received before I married, we never should have gone through with it. I don't regret my children one iota but I regret the wasted 15 years I gave him. I cannot find it in myself to see joy or happiness or moments of love; only pain, hurt and suffering. It was a waste.


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## Anes (Feb 5, 2011)

No, I wouldn't wish away my X.

Not because he is good or nasty. But, because we are not perfect.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Life is full of what ifs and wishes, if you let them guide you, you will never find happiness...hating the past means you hate part of what you are...

Quit living in the past because you can't change it, but you can change who your are because of the past, live, learn, and grow...

I'm in the toughest fight of my life right now and I'll take every moment of it, regardless of the past, regardless of the pain, because I'll come out strong...I'll be better...and if things work out, the future will be so much better than any past...

God Bless...


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

Yes, I would give up the day I met her, and the following 20 years just to erase the last 3 years of torture.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Are we engaging in a fantasy here or talking philosophy? 

I don't hate who I am because of my past but I regret many of the things I did and if I could go back, armed with the knowledge of the present and change it, I would. What I do try and do is learn from my past mistakes. Sometimes I'm successful in this, other times I'm not but it's part of being human. 

There's an old movie called _Peggy Sue got Married_ where a woman who is currently separated. She up goes back to the past when she met her husband and, most importantly, she is the person she is in the present and has the knowledge of the past. I've often thought of that movie and every time I do I think "yeah, I'd change it alright, I'd RUN AWAY FAST". 

But do I look at my kids and my life and hate it? Once I did but now I've come to appreciate what I have and live it to the fullest and have hope for the future. 

I'd love to be the person I am NOW and go back and do it again. For one thing, I'm not the same person I was 20 years ago. Armed with the knowledge I have now I would make quite a few different decisions. I think everyone would.


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## whynotme (May 18, 2010)

A little off-topic:

I actually got to tell someone I wished I'd never met him, sort of. It was my "first love", we had yo-yo'ed back and forth until the day, unbeknownst to me, he slept with me and two other girls all in the same weekend. None of us knew about each other until it was too late, and, oh yeah, EVERYBODY got herpes from him.

So after all the hoopla from that weekend died down, I get this email from him...I had not kept in touch, in fact had tried to block him out, and had heard he'd gotten married and had a new baby daughter. So he sends me this email saying, "oh, I just wanted to see how you are, I thought we could keep a low-level friendship..." intentions impled.

My so-called first love wanted to keep me as a down-low booty call mistress. I was BEYOND insulted. 

I emailed him back and told him to keep my name out of his mouth. I told him a few choice things, and at the end I said, "Just forget you ever knew me."

I sure wish I could wish away the day I met him! Good times or no, he SO wasn't worth it.


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## MAdadof1 (Jan 10, 2011)

If I could, I'd invent time travel, go back in time, extract my son's egg from the ex' uterus, locate the corresponding sperm, in vitro fertilize the egg, and implant it into a willing surrogate.

After that was done, I'd go out for dessert, have my cake and eat it too.


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## Igor420 (Feb 26, 2011)

well, since we seem to be expanding upon the OP's concept, here's my twist:

If I could wish-away a day (or a few) it would be the days when my wife was sexually abused as a child. Nobody should be treated like that. 

The fall-out? (this is not constant, there is a certain ebb-and flow, depending on sleep and stress levels I guess...) hyper-vigilant, pessimistic, generalized hatred of men, either specific, or in terms of "all men", control-freak (is there a less derogatory term for this? lol... uhm how about "control-release inhibition"), emotionally abusive, always fighting to be the socially-dominant one of our pair (which is no contest, she is a talented conversationalist, and she has certain other... qualities, shall we say, which draw attention to her (though she never dressed in a way to reveal cleavage until the end of our marriage, when she would go out without me), while I am, frankly a social nincompoop. 

I could go on but I've been digressing (my apology, we've only been physically separated for about 6 and a half weeks now... easy to remember because I broke a pair of ribs that night).

When she was at her best, she was a wonderful wife. When she was at her worst, in the past few months, she was paranoid, delusional, hurtful, emotionally abusive, displayed much of her emotions in front of her 17 year old disabled son (including emotional issues, and cognitive issues, I didn't feel he she be exposed to that on a daily basis, which is why I rushed to get out "ahead of schedule". I have a temporary living arrangement for now.

I guess, I should get to the point... if she hadn't been abused as a child, I'm confident that things could have gone differently (not to mention that some of my childhood was pretty f-ed up too). I'm still grieving strongly, even though she became so unbearable to live with. But things could have been so different.... c'est la vie, I guess.

Oh by the way, you can call me Igor. Hi, I'm new here. Thanks for reading my rambling answer to the OT, I'll try to be more focused next time.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Brewster 59 said:


> If you could wish away the day you met your X would you do it?
> I actually wonder what my life would have been like if I never married her or even dated her. I think I really wish I had never met her.



Probably, yes as there are only really a couple of positives that would be lacking in my life and only one I would miss, but can't say it wouldn't be repeated/replaced easily by someone else. No unique thing (no kids, major life change that was good) There are a few things I would not have had to go through, that I would be happier to say I never went through though


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## whittfield (Feb 26, 2011)

I am separated from my wife by about 700 miles, but I still love her. I absolutely love my children. I would not want to imagine my daughter not being in my life. she loves life. I would change some things about the relationship, but even though I've thought of wishing away the whole thing, I would not trade away the good times we had. Thinking of this subject can actually make me weepy eyed. Damn! Am I a wuss?


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

I would never wish away my soon to be ex's existence from my life. He possesses many great qualities, which is why I fell in love with him in the first place. 
I would wish instead, that we could go back and do things differently. Perhaps if we didn't rush into marriage, and more importantly, didn't run off and elope, like a couple of idiotic romantics, we'd be in a better situation.

But, alas, we cannot change the past, and I can only learn from this. In my life I have missed a few turns and taken some hard roads. This is another one of those times. I just try not to let it ruin me and live a life of regret. Instead I try to learn from it. My wrong turns shape me, teach me, and in the end I hopefully come out stronger and perhaps a little bit wiser. 

Its natural to regret things and ponder on things a little, but I think living a life of regret is far more wasteful of your precious life. If you let it really consume you and its something you can't get past, it'll be worse than the years you spent with your ex spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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