# wife's credit card debt



## anytime1970

*I admit, I was snooping around and found a bag with my wife's credit card statements, at least some of them. I started adding up the balances and the totals of what I found was almost $90,000!!! There were 5 or 6 different accounts through different companies. None of these have my name on them, they are only hers and I didn't even know about some of them. She's lied to me about some serious stuff before so trust is already an issue with me and there's other issues that I won't get into here. What do I do? I know she'll lie about them saying that she's helping her parents family business out, which she works in (I don't). I actually have no idea how much she makes (she's paid under the table) She has nothing to show for this amount of money and we don't live outside our means. My credit rating is excellent and I almost always pay off my balances monthly. We have seperate checking accounts and one joint account. I monitor the joint account closely but have no access to hers. I'm doing okay financially but surely don't have the ability to attempt to pay off her debt. I also found a couple letters about lack of payments and noticed she makes the minimum payment at times. I don't know how long this has been going on or what the balances started at.

I don't think sitting down with her and trying to discuss this will work, we just don't have that type of relationship and I probably won't believe her answers anyway. That is after I get crucified for snooping.

Am I in anyway responsible for this debt? I really don't care what she does to her credit rating, yes, I'm at that point considering other issues we have. Is there someone that I can see about protecting myself? I am so frustrated and sick of this stuff!! Any opinions or suggestions are welcome.*


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## theresagail

No you are not legally responsible for her Credit Card debt-- However your Joint bank account could be in trouble if she ends up defaulting on those cards and they get a judgment and garnish that account. Your taxes could be in trouble too they can also put a lien on your home if she is on that-- 


90k$ in debt is a big deal especially done behind your back -- it may be time to rethink your marriage if you cant sit down and talk to her about this then what is the point? Because sooner or later you could lose some money due to her spending trouble.


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## anytime1970

Well as far as I can tell she's been trying to keep up with at least the minimum installments but she is way in over her head. I still wonder what was charged on all those cards!! She has snuck money out of the joint account, I caught that and brought it up, she just said she was a little short that month. I didn't think much of it, things happen. I've been rethinking the marriage for a while, just don't know how to handle that part.


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## Sven

She should just walk away from them. Seriously. The minimum payments must be huge. Just stop paying on them and keep your money.

To hell with the credit card companies.


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## Tweak

WOW eee WOW WOW

That's 11 times what we live on a year.

Yeah we are broke,but daaaaaaamn.

My Dad went through a situation like that but to a Girlfriend to the tune of 50000.She had signed the cards in his name,and signed them in his last name like they were married.Guess what....HE was responsible for the debt.This was 20 years ago though.

Good luck dude....you probably need to seek out a Financial Specialist to get the real legal Info on it.States Vary,I would think.If you are in the US.


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## theresagail

Tweak:

Your dad did not sign these cards-- this is called fraud, he should have told the CC companies this and disputed all of that money. 

He would have to be willing to prosecute her-- He is not responsible for debt that he did not incur--- 

If you don’t sign on the dotted line and someone does it for you that is fraud-- if you never sign etc--- why would you be liable? Your dad should have fought this-- if he has paid any money after the fact, then he is stating ( by payment) that this is his debt.


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## Tweak

I was young at the time.I do know he paid some of it.
He never signed his name to them,she signed as if she was his wife.
They were just dating.He did fight some of it,heck she may have gotten jail time,I am not sure.
I do know he paid for some of these debts and they were not his.


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## Sven

Credit card companies are like drug pushers. I don't feel bad for them losing their tail ends in this economy.

If somebody is struggling to make just minimum payments...I'd ask "Why?" Let the credit card company write it off. Get out of the cycle. What's the worse that can happen - you don't get anymore credit cards arriving in the mail?

With a job and cash flow you can get whatever you need.


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## swedish

I agree with Theresagail...the CC companies can put a lien on your house if her name is on the mortgage. In the event you do sell it, the CC company will get paid out with any equity in the home before you see any $ from it. In addition, her credit will be shot if she ignores them.


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## TNgirl232

I agree that CC companys do some bad stuff and have some shadey practices...but its not all their fault she got that far in debt. Sounds like she has an addiction.

Just 'not paying' leads to a lower credit score which effects soooo many things. My husband had to have a credit history run due to the clients he would be working with (as in access to major money) to make sure he didn't look like he would be tempted. A lot more companies are doing that now a days to see what an employees life is like behind the resume. If they aren't responsible enough to manage that, then will they be responsible enough to do the job they are applying for....

Debt consolidation or negotiating with the CC company to get a payoff number (that is less than what you owe) could potentially


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## anytime1970

I wish too I could find out what all those charges were for. To me it's pretty ridiculous and stupid, I thought she was smarter then that. The minimum payment on a couple of them is hundreds and I found 2 letters threatening to stop allowing use of the card....not a bad idea. Since she really has nothing to show for this amount of money it's driving me nuts trying to figure out what she paid for or bought. We have already loaned her parents 30k out of our home equity to help their business which I'm starting to wonder if that's what it was really for since they never said anything to me about it, not even a thanks. I do get a check every month toward the loan, but have to ask for it sometimes. Anything sound fishy here? Do I have grounds? Don't even get me started on other crap I'm looking into. She's a great mother, lousy wife and apparently pretty stupid when it comes to money. Thanks for letting me vent. Guess I needed to let it out somewhere. I really only have told 1 person about this stuff but now she has her hands full in her life so I'm not going to burden her with this anymore.


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## vn95124

Hi, 

just stumbled upon your thread. Have you thought about couples counselling to talk about it openly?
I am at that point, I know about my wife's spending habit for a while although not to the extent of $90K but now that we are on unemployed benefits, things came to a head and I need to find a solution to same my marriage.

If you love your wife, then it's worth it to take that extra step.
If it doesn't solve anything, then at least in my mind, I know I have tried everything.


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## 827Aug

Wow! I've been there too. And I'm still there! You need to see a lawyer and find out what the rules are in your state. In my state, those debts which are solely the estranged husband's are his problem. Futhermore, those creditors can not do anything with assets where the spouses have joint tenancy.


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## RobertGary1

theresagail said:


> No you are not legally responsible for her Credit Card debt-- H


For future readers, I just want to point out that the above legal advise is incorrect. In community property states you are 100% liable for debts incurred by your spouse regardless if you were made aware of them or not.

-Robert


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## 827Aug

RobertGary1 said:


> For future readers, I just want to point out that the above legal advise is incorrect. In community property states you are 100% liable for debts incurred by your spouse regardless if you were made aware of them or not.
> 
> -Robert


I'm very sure my legal advise is correct! I have three attorneys and they all say the same thing. My state is a community state; but since I did not sign any of his CC applications, those bills are not my responsibility. The same applies to my massive hospital bill. Since my husband signed nothing, he is not responsible in our state. Now income/inheritance is another matter. It is split 50/50. 

Also, anyone worrying about liens needs to find out what your state laws are. In my state the unsecured creditors can not put a lien on our joint tenancy assets for his CC bills or my medical bills. Everyone should contact a competent attorney in your state to get the official rules!


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## Brewster 59

Well the rules are different from state to state, but in Ca you are liable for CC debt even if you didnt know about it. Also inhertance is not comminity property as long as you keep it seperate fom maritial assets.


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## takris

Maybe it will not apply in your situation, but when my wife wants to do something I consider frivolous I usually try to tie it to our long term financial goals in discussions.

$90 in debt, even if she gets the rate down to 8% with credit counseling, is a lot of money. Does she plan to keep working after you retire?

Our agreement for retirement was more along the line of me providing 75%, her 25%. Of course the downturn hurt my funds in the neighborhood of five years salary, and hers didn't. So we put off buying a larger house.

Either way, we made an agreement to an open book policy because in my younger days I was tempted to spend. I saw the risk and asked for accountability.


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## Mom6547

1. Get a lawyer. Taking legal advice from the internet is a bad idea.

2. If you don't have "that type of relationship" in which you can discuss 90 THOUSAND dollars in debt within the marriage, one has to wonder what type of relationship you have. That is rather large. If there are no assets emerging, have you considered serious drug problem? In any event, either get to a point where you can talk to your spouse or get out.


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## birthdayfire

I had a hubby like that. I understand your anger. 

My experience is: obviously those CC are not legally your problem since it's not your name. Your financial problems is in the assets you own. Any assets you own together could be (and probably will) used by her to borrow, or to repay her debts. This is because technically she owns half of the assets and the creditors have a right to it. 

You really have to find out what the current financial situation is and draw some boundary. If you have to seperate your accounts or put your assets into a trust (irrecovable), do so. At least do it until you can trust her again.

That said, I do hope you can work out your marital problems. You have to be able to talk. You have some responsibility in today's mess too. Overspending is an addiction just like other damaging addiction. Denial, lies, unable to control self, regret, shame, all comes with it. She needs your support and tough love more than ever. You can't just turn away without trying to understand her and help her. Understand that I am not saying you ought to pay her debts every time, but as a husband, you are stronger and a leader. You should act like one. Your job is to love her.

hanging there, give you and her a chance to fight this addiction.


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## stuggling1

Hi there. Just chanced on this site looking for some advice, and your situation sounded like mine in reverse. I have spent five years propping up a failing business with our savings and credit cards. I borrowed a bit at first to tide me over, but things got worse and worse. This went on for five years, at the end of which I had spent all the savings and run up $50,000 of debt. All they way through I said everything was fine with money and gave my wife the same wages as usual. When she wanted a new dog I said I'll get the money from the savings, but we didn't have any, it all went on CC'S. Five years I beat my wife to the postman every day and kept the bank accounts secret. 

Well, eventually she knew something was wrong, I was depressed and evasive about money. I confessed everything. It's two weeks later and I'm still at home. I work every hour that god sends and we're seeming counselling charities about how to settle the debt. I never spent a penny on myself, but could not admit my failure to my family. Now I may still loose them all, but at least the lies are gone.

I have a beautiful family and a loving wife, and will try and make it up to them. I can however see how someone can be so desperate to cover up debt. As they are ashamed to admit it, there is no way out of it - you can't budget or see professionals to help, it's all secret. It just get's worse and worse though. I wish my wife had voiced her suspicions four years ago, then it would have been a small amount. If she hadn't found out, I was on a downward spiral which would have ended up with us loosing our home. I don't know if we will stay together, we'll decide that after I've stated fixing the mess. 

Good luck


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## willzy

vthomeschoolmom said:


> 2. If you don't have "that type of relationship" in which you can discuss 90 THOUSAND dollars in debt within the marriage, one has to wonder what type of relationship you have. That is rather large. If there are no assets emerging, have you considered serious drug problem? In any event, either get to a point where you can talk to your spouse or get out.


yep, this.

Been there, and it's a surefire sign of dishonesty and lack of respect. If when confronted she isnt immediately repentent then you need to reasses your marriage because worse will come.

Sorry to be blunt but take it from somone who knows...


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## RobertGary1

birthdayfire said:


> My experience is: obviously those CC are not legally your problem since it's not your name.


Again, you'll want to mention the state you are in because that legal advice is very much wrong in some community property states. For instance in California you would first need to show that you and your spouse have never co-mingled assets, have always maintained separate bank accounts, etc. If at any point in the marriage you co-mingled assets then you are both equally liable for each other's debts, regardless if you were aware of them.

-Robert


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## LGSL

Wow. That's a LOT of debt! I would definitely be talking to her about it - regardless of your snooping.


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## Lazarus

RobertGary1 said:


> Again, you'll want to mention the state you are in because that legal advice is very much wrong in some community property states. For instance in California you would first need to show that you and your spouse have never co-mingled assets, have always maintained separate bank accounts, etc. If at any point in the marriage you co-mingled assets then you are both equally liable for each other's debts, regardless if you were aware of them.
> 
> -Robert


It would be useful to have a thread dedicated on assets and different State Rules and how one can become responsible for another's unknown debts for married and non married couples living together. Others experiences internationally would be useful too. 

90,000 debt is a terrible worry for anyone. She needs help and you both need to get the RIGHT legal advice. Maybe even individually? There may be a rule that allows you to loophole i.e. if you are separated the debt cannot be levied on the other?


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## bunny23

As far as CC and writing off debt. Unfortunately what happens now is that even when they write off the debt you still owe it. It gets sold to agencies who try to collect. If they can't they will sue you. My sister just had this happen, although she lost her job and her CC's were around 13k. One company sued her and she ended up paying, the others keep calling and she had to get a lawyer.
At 90k the CC companies are more likely to sue because that is a lot of money to recover.
You have to talk to her... that is a lot of debt... esp. if you are living within your means


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