# Once in the past 2 months.



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

We have only had sex once in the past 2 months. My wife isn't happy about it, but I don't see it as a big deal. We plan on having sex this weekend, so that will restart the clock and give it awhile before there are any issues of it again. 
Supposedly on the outside our marriage is doing really good. Atleast that is what the overlying discussion about it is (when she talks about it).


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You're back. 

Why have you only had sex once in 8 weeks?

Have you been able to improve your marriage at all?

Do you both still have a bunch of hang ups?


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> You're back.
> 
> Why have you only had sex once in 8 weeks?
> 
> ...


Yes I am back, I left for a while because life was really busy and I felt like this was just too negative. 

The marriage is better at times, but overall, still about the same. I don't know why we have only had sex once in the past 2 months. Time goes by fast, just get busy and usually when one of us wants to initiate it the other person is not in the mood, so it doesn't happen.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So...do you want to have a better marriage, more sex? Or are you okay with the way things are now?


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

No I'm not happy with the way things are, but that's nothing new.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear that. Gotta plan?


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Have you ever heard the term "Fake it , till you make it?" Sex is kind of like running. You have to fake liking it, then the chemicals kick in and your sweating and having a good time.

The other MAIN thing about sex is, it is a BOND with the wife. It is her SAFETY in the marriage. It is not talking to her but saying A LOT!

Just my 2 cents David


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## Granny7 (Feb 2, 2013)

gbrad said:


> We have only had sex once in the past 2 months. My wife isn't happy about it, but I don't see it as a big deal. We plan on having sex this weekend, so that will restart the clock and give it awhile before there are any issues of it again.
> Supposedly on the outside our marriage is doing really good. Atleast that is what the overlying discussion about it is (when she talks about it).


gbrad,
Take it from a women who's H was only loving her about every 3 months. I would even have to initiate it sometimes and he didn't seem to miss it. Now this was a person who use to be sexy and make love at least once a week. I really started to resent it and him as I didn't feel very loved. 

He had an E/A on me 25 yrs. before that, so we've had a rough time of it. We did pretty well for 20 yrs. until he stopped showing interest in me and that really accepted my self-esteem as a woman. But most of all, it made me remember the 3 yr. A he had and I then remembered that he wasn't as interested in sex as much then either. So, it brought the whole nightmare back to me and I thought he might be having another A. Thank God he wasn't as I would have probably killed him. I've been through so much with this whole mess and the lies and wasn't going to do it again.

We hadn't been arguing during that 3 yr. period, but he had been drinking more, lost a lot of his retirement money during the stock market crash, so he wasn't very happy. We found out later that he had to many female hormones, the opposite of low testosterone. But if he had been interested in making love to me, he should have been checking that out on his own, not me bringing it up?

So, you need to be talking to your wife, iron what ever is going on out or she is liable to start being the same as me. Now, I don't even want to have sex with him or even have him touch me. Things are pretty bad right now. I pray that you can figure out what is wrong, talk to her as I'm sure she is feeling not very much like a woman and see if you can make things better.

Good luck,
Granny7


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much time do you spend with your wife during a week ,doing date-like things. It take 15 hours a week of couples time to keep the passion and love. My bet is that you are not getting anything near that time.

Have you thought about starting by scheduling some time together? If you don't prioritize your relationship you get what you have right now.


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## Granny7 (Feb 2, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> How much time do you spend with your wife during a week ,doing date-like things. It take 15 hours a week of couples time to keep the passion and love. My bet is that you are not getting anything near that time.
> 
> Have you thought about starting by scheduling some time together? If you don't prioritize your relationship you get what you have right now.


EleGirl,
You are true in what you are saying and time does need to be put in weekly to keep a marriage alive. The only problem that I had was that I was the only one doing it. My H wasn't that interested during that 3 yr. period and even when we made love, he never wanted to try anything different and I could tell you exactly what he was going to do next. So, it takes two to be working on the marriage to make it viable. It's a shame that as couples are married longer, the TV or something else takes over the marriage. 

Like a OW or OM, as I remember my CH taking his girlfriend for drinks every week and dancing for quite a while. He never asked me to go get and drink and dance and he knew that I loved dancing, so a lot of it has to do with people wanting to put forth the effort to revitalize their marriage or partnership.

Granny7


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> How much time do you spend with your wife during a week ,doing date-like things. It take 15 hours a week of couples time to keep the passion and love. My bet is that you are not getting anything near that time.
> 
> Have you thought about starting by scheduling some time together? If you don't prioritize your relationship you get what you have right now.


No we don't spend the 15 hours of quality time doing things together. Part of the problem is we don't have many of the same interests. The things I want to do with my time, she doesn't want to do and vise versa. That is why I believe being in a relationship with someone who you have similar interests is vital.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

gbrad said:


> We have only had sex once in the past 2 months. My wife isn't happy about it, but I don't see it as a big deal. We plan on having sex this weekend, so that will restart the clock and give it awhile before there are any issues of it again.
> Supposedly on the outside our marriage is doing really good. Atleast that is what the overlying discussion about it is (when she talks about it).


Your later posts note that you would like to have more sex and want the marriage to improve. But this initial posts suggests that she is upset over the lack of sex and you are okay with it.

Can you expand on that a bit? I have not gone back over all your posts, but this seems a bit of a reversal. Is that correct?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

You're happy but your wife isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Your later posts note that you would like to have more sex and want the marriage to improve. But this initial posts suggests that she is upset over the lack of sex and you are okay with it.
> 
> Can you expand on that a bit? I have not gone back over all your posts, but this seems a bit of a reversal. Is that correct?


Sex with her is ok, its just sex, nothing that I get too excited about. i always want the marriage to improve, you never want it to be worse. You want day to day living to be better. Overall, the marriage at some point will dissolve though. 



lifeistooshort said:


> You're happy but your wife isn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I'm not. She is happier in the marriage than I am. Though she is unhappy with the amount of sex.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Testosterone is the big driver in a man's sex drive. Is yours ok? Are you at least thinking about sex and craving it? Have you had your testosterone levels checked recently?

Do you want to get more excited about sex with her?

PS: I am glad to see you back on TAM! :smthumbup:


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

gbrad said:


> No we don't spend the 15 hours of quality time doing things together. Part of the problem is we don't have many of the same interests. The things I want to do with my time, she doesn't want to do and vise versa. That is why I believe being in a relationship with someone who you have similar interests is vital.


I can't imagine spending 15 hours/week with my wife just alone. I try to avoid her now whenever I can (taking the kids out, working outside, working in my home office when the kids go to bed, etc). 

You're correct that it's vital to be in a relationship with someone that has similar interests. It's also vital to be in a relationship with someone that you like being around. When you look forward to your wife not being around, then you know you're not in the right place. 

Except for the sex part, gbrad (mine is asexual and would be very happy to go without sex the rest of her life), you sound like me. Hang in there.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

gbrad said:


> Sex with her is ok, its just sex, nothing that I get too excited about. i always want the marriage to improve, you never want it to be worse. You want day to day living to be better. Overall, the marriage at some point will dissolve though.


You don't really answer my question. It sounds like you are fine with sex once in the last two monhts. 

Your posts sound like you have given up trying. Does she know that?


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I Notice The Details said:


> Testosterone is the big driver in a man's sex drive. Is yours ok? Are you at least thinking about sex and craving it? Have you had your testosterone levels checked recently?
> 
> Do you want to get more excited about sex with her?
> 
> PS: I am glad to see you back on TAM! :smthumbup:


I think about sex often, just not about sex with her. I don't crave it though. Have not had levels checked, the idea of sex with her doesn't excite me. 
And thanks.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Tall Average Guy said:


> You don't really answer my question. It sounds like you are fine with sex once in the last two monhts.
> 
> Your posts sound like you have given up trying. Does she know that?


At this point I have kind of given up trying. I would be okay with sex a little more often, but not too often.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

gbrad said:


> At this point I have kind of given up trying. I would be okay with sex a little more often, but not too often.


Have you told her you have given up?

If you would like sex a bit more and so what she, why is it not happening?


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

No I haven't told her I have given up, I want things to be somewhat good while it still lasts. And I just don't like working for sex with her, I don't desire it so I don't want to put any effort into it. Just doesn't feel worth it. I try and do it just enough to keep her from being too unhappy about it.


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

Reading this I can't help but I don't have the impression that you out any effort in your marriage at all. In reality you want to separate and hanging still around and not separating while not doing a thing that things improve is unfair. You don't really seem to work on yourself.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

appletree said:


> Reading this I can't help but I don't have the impression that you out any effort in your marriage at all. In reality you want to separate and hanging still around and not separating while not doing a thing that things improve is unfair. You don't really seem to work on yourself.[/]
> 
> work on myself; I do that. Work on the marriage I use to do that. I still do things to try and keep it civil/happy. But to improve it, the things I want improved are not going to happen, I have seen that. I have tried to make them happen, I have addressed the issues directly with my wife, but no. We are different people, who enjoy different things, and have different expectations in our everyday lives. I want to be with someone who those things are all similar. Expecting for either one of us to change that much, is what is unfair.


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