# 3 years post Dday!



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Hi there everyone. For anyone new on this part of the forum, I am sorry that you are dealing with infidelity. 3 years ago, news that my H had cheated was finally uncovered by the OW's husband. Who had been looking for me for 18 months to make sure I knew. So those of you who are thinking "what my spouse doesn't know won't hurt them" sometimes it doesn't quite go as you planned.

We are three years out, and after a long road of recovering, I honestly didn't even really notice Dday this year. It was actually on Halloween and I just remembered this morning when I looked at the calendar LOL. So thank you to all of you on here who have guided me, listened, advised, and even helped me see the things I needed to see. 

Just gonna throw this out there. The first year after discovery I spent getting myself in a good place. I went back to school, I started doing things that made ME happy. I did not agree to commit back to the marriage until a year had passed. my H knew this, as I told him I would give myself a year just to decide if I wanted to TRY to work it out. This does not mean I was out being down and dirty, but that I found where I wanted to be in life, and got myself there. A year later, I decided we should try to reconcile. During that year my H got counseling, did some soul searching, and tried to prove he was worth the effort. 

This does not mean that all marriages can or should be saved. This just happens to mean that mine made it through this mess. The best thing I have to type out, is that for those of you reconciling, eventually you come around to acceptance mode. You accept that they did something that horrible, you accept that you can not change it, and you accept that they may do it again. All you can do is set your boundaries. Will my H cheat again? I don't know. And that is okay. Because what I DO know, is that if he does, we will divorce. Will we still hit rough times? I am sure we will. But hopefully we will get through them together. Good luck to all of you, in whatever way you choose to proceed.


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

I happy for you, and hope to be able to write the same here some day.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

canuckprincess said:


> I'm just a bit curious if dday was the end of the affair for your fwh and the ow or had it ended before the other bs contacted you? The affair has ended 18 months before I had found out. Which made recovery ridiculously difficult, since I then new he was capable of lying to my face for a year and a half.[/COLOR]I ask this because of a situation I know about where first anniversary of dday is next week and the WS never ended things with the ap, they just became more careful. As a bs do you think you would of been able to work past it if the affair carried on for another year after exposure?Honestly? No. I would love to tell you I am this awesome person who can forgive all, but I am not. If there was ever a time that he had felt like he had to "decide" between us, he would have been shown the door. I know after my exh cheated on me I didn't leave him but nor did I try to fix the marriage, most likely because it wasn't a great marriage to begin with. We divirced fir other reasons. Just looking for your input since you have done what sounds like all the right things. Again congrats!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 His betrayal pushed me to my limits. The lying to me for a year and a half was horrid. I didn't trust him for years. But I think the thing that shocked my FWH back into reality, was my (admittedly horrible) reaction. I did not cry and ask him to stay. I told him to get the eff out and go live with her. When he asked if I was going to fight for him, I laughed a horrid laugh and asked why would I fight for some a hole that cheats on me?!?!? He looked at me like I just wounded him, and then its like it just hit him that he caused this damage all by himself. And he was in a hole.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hi dawnd,

its nice to hear your marriage has survived so far. i think you handled yourself very well looking after yourself as well as processing the marriage and the affair.
we have almost the same time lines and i remember your strength
and logic.
you have learned that we cant control anyone but ourselves and that there are no guarantees in this life.
all we can do is our part in having a great marriage and our ws's have to chose their own path and together a marriage even after infedelity can be a fulfilling one for both partners.
i'm the same if my husband chose the path of infedelity again he would not be given another chance.
we both were accountable for our choices and have moved forward with more awareness and a lot more reality.
trusting fully was a mistake, not agreeing on boundaries that would keep the marriage safe was a mistake.
affairs hurt, they create losses, they change the foundation and trust between a couple. as long as you learn from the process and maintain your self respect.
we now know our spouses can hurt us and they can make choices that dont have our best interests at heart.
blind trust no longer exists for me. i will forever know its a possibility.
i hope your school and your kids are well and happy.
im glad you have survived and that you have learned and protected yourself.
i hope your husband is a changed man as well, mine has seen himself in a different light and has spent the last 3 years making up for what he did to us.
neither one of us can believe sometimes after 25 years together that we have to deal with this, selfish thinking can tear our worlds apart, we are stronger now but a lot of hurt and tears happened to get us here today.
my dday is nov 23rd. i hope the day passes without me noticing as well.
take care dawnd and keep moving forward and being a happy family, you used a second opportunity to make your life better.
you should be proud of yourself.


Sorry typing with broken finger!!!! no capitals


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

Jessi, thank you for this supportive mssg as well
Think I am somehow still stuck in the Self respect issue


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

leuven,

we all struggle with that in life affair or not.
just remember your conduct is not in question.
i used to look at recovery as a choice i made for myself and since i was looking after me, my best job was my choice and i gave it my all.
i got through it with this thought as well that no other woman would walk away with my life, wasnt going to happen in no way would she win.

i also now live my life like i wish and i dont always put my husband first like i used to, he now sees me living easily for me first.

lueven if you didnt have your husband in your life you would have the self esteem to move on and create a life for yourself, you know he isnt the only man on earth.

you are strong and very capable 
recovery, affairs are hard to overcome you do it one day at a time, making each one the best one you want you take control, drive that bus, carry your husband when you have to.
you have the choice to for yourself 
dont give up on you!!!


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

Jessi, you are right, think my bad english here

I still have self esteem, I still find myself much more worth then here.
but I do feel less as a woman. she has been behind my partner for more then 1.5 years, she used our kids and her kids. She created a virtual world and dragged him in. She manupilated him and our kids to get what she needed.
I even am convinced that if my partner would have looked like an elephant she would have gone after him. As she did not wanted him, but she wanted all that I have.
Also, although working and doing a good reconsilation, she living next door, and provoking me whenever she can does not help. Every time she provokes me, she tells me, you may have him, but I had him, and you will have to live with that for rest of your live.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

jessi said:


> hi dawnd,
> 
> its nice to hear your marriage has survived so far. i think you handled yourself very well looking after yourself as well as processing the marriage and the affair.
> we have almost the same time lines and i remember your strength
> ...


I am so glad to see you on here Jessi!! I think about you all the time, wondering how you and the hubby are doing.

You are one smart cookie.  I think the emphasis on fixing the marriage FIRST and then trying to get themselves back to normal is the mistake a lot of BS's make, and I am truly happy that you and I have found our way back to who we are and who we want to be!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Leuven said:


> Every time she provokes me, she tells me, you may have him, but I had him, and you will have to live with that for rest of your live.


You need to remember he also had lunch. And when he was done with it, he put the leftovers in the trash. Where is she now? With the trash.


The Ow's words hurt you, and I know that your ego is bruised right now, but you need to try to remember, that she is a desperate woman. Who NEEDS to go after someone else's husband?? Someone who is desperate. Who needs to remind the wife of her AP about their affair? Someone who knows she doesn't have anything else to live for. Do you see? She doesn't have anything else to look forward to. You are so much more than that.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Going 3 yrs our selves...thanks for sharing.

What a ride!


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

Thank you Dawn,
one day I will get there, but must admit am not yet.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Leuven said:


> Thank you Dawn,
> one day I will get there, but must admit am not yet.


I know Leuven. But whatever you do, don't rush yourself to get anywhere. It takes however long it takes. There are so many downfalls to people trying to fast track through reconciliation. 

Are you at the point where you are still flip flopping between staying and leaving?? ( I was at that point for about a year, so no judgement here LOL)


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

No, I knew when it started and I got 100% confirmation after a month, and then it took partner a month to admit
Had lot of thinking and grieving then, as partner did not speak up, I understood for myself, that there was nothing left for our relation and that he would leave me for her.
Taking into account, who and what she was, and my partner in total depression, lost self esteem en lost trust in relation I could very well understand what happened.
So when he then admitted, I choice to give him, us a change. Hard, but I kept standing behind it. Teere were indeed moments that could I have run off, the moments that I felt him blocking, refussing to talk, hidding himself for what he did. Sometimes wanted to run away from myself.
Now I do not run of from him, myself or our relation. But I do plan to run of from my home, we are moving. I cannot live in the same street as she does.
We searched, and even found something better then we have now. But will only be for summer, so need to keep finding strenght against her till then


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Does your husband know about her behavior??


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

yes, he does, 
but not much he or I can do
she also tried few times to contact him, but he kind of ran first times, last time he screamed to her to leave him alone
so when she passes now, she or ignores him, give him her middle finger or laught into his face. every time different reaction.
I wrote her a letter, and since then she does not look my in the face anymore, but she keeps on on provoking like with her car and things like that


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

If I may ask, does her behavior affect your respect level for HIM?? I know that sounds backwards, but after seeing my H's OW and talking with her, just the fact he would get into an affair with her crazy arse made me lose some respect for him for a long time.


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## Leuven (Oct 1, 2012)

I have not looked at it that way yet, but do not think so.
I know how manipulative she is, how mentally ill she is, and how she lives in her own world. With in additional a very strong intellectual and enourmous mental strenght to pull someone into that world. I know exactly what she offered him, and she played on his humanity, like poor me, always the last, always the one in pain, me taking care of kids alone, never support, no money, can not give kids what I want them to give, me nice, good looking all in love with you and giving you all you need, I do all for you, after 2 weeks in their relationship she told him that she would want to marry him (we are not married, when we discussed I always said no, aiming for him to do ask, as it would mean overwinning his own fears and open up, he now says,for me you never wanted to marry me, and she took even advantage of that). 
Thing I am trying to say. I did not lose respect, I know he must have suffered then, not wanting this, but not able to break lose. I think it took him all these months to be able to admit that he lost his own selfrespect, not being as trong as he taught he was, and that someone just played with him to get what she wanted, not carrying who she woudl break or do damage.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By DawnD
> 
> The first year after discovery I spent *getting myself in a good place.* I went back to school, I started doing things that made ME happy. I did not agree to commit back to the marriage until a year had passed


I think this is such a good way to fight infidelity that it is worth repeating and repeating and repeating. Hopefully people will take advantage of this method and turn from looking to the cheating, lying, weak character adulterer to build them up.
*The adulterer has very little or nothing to offer the BS.* 



*The very best way to protect yourself and be prepared for a betrayer is to be as autonomous and self reliant as possible.*


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

By DawnD
His betrayal pushed me to my limits. The lying to me for a year and a half was horrid. I didn't trust him for years. But I think the thing that shocked my FWH back into reality, was my *(admittedly horrible) reaction.* I did not cry and ask him to stay. I told him to get the eff out and go live with her. When he asked if I was going to fight for him, I laughed a horrid laugh and asked why would I fight for some a hole that cheats on me?!?!? He looked at me like I just wounded him, and then its like it just hit him that he caused this damage all by himself. And he was in a hole.

“Admittedly horrible reaction”?	
*Dawn, that was OUTSTANDING!!! * 

You made him see the real consequenses of his actions. You not only helped yourself you helped him also. He earned his wounds; all you did was give him what he selfishly worked for.

If a person is a good person they will take their consequences like a grown up and do everything to correct it and to make it up to the person they betrayed. If they do not you are much better off without them.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Mr Blunt said:


> “Admittedly horrible reaction”?
> *Dawn, that was OUTSTANDING!!! *
> 
> You made him see the real consequenses of his actions. You not only helped yourself you helped him also. He earned his wounds; all you did was give him what he selfishly worked for.
> ...


For me, it was quite terrible. I can usually stay pretty level headed and keep my composure, but I was not able to at that point. In the long run, I think it was the best reaction I could have had.

It wasn't so much about hurting him, it was more about being semi-vulnerable with someone who had just crushed me. Pissed myself off LOL. 

He has never tried to avoid the consequences and he has never mentioned my reaction as being horrible. That is only my standard. I think he is just glad that I never considered getting physical (hitting or anything) with him.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Dawn; your story is uplifting  I am happy to read that you concentrate on improving your self and that it works for you. You are lucky that your husband does the same.


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD said:


> You need to remember he also had lunch. And when he was done with it, he put the leftovers in the trash. Where is she now? With the trash.
> 
> 
> The Ow's words hurt you, and I know that your ego is bruised right now, but you need to try to remember, that she is a desperate woman. Who NEEDS to go after someone else's husband?? Someone who is desperate. Who needs to remind the wife of her AP about their affair? Someone who knows she doesn't have anything else to live for. Do you see? She doesn't have anything else to look forward to. You are so much more than that.


Leuven -If I may add as a BS who has gone through a lot... My sister in law put it nicely one day when she said "She is such a piece of crap that she was not even good enough to be a mistress since he left her." Think about that, if she was sooo good he would have been with her. Repeat it to yourself and it will help you get through the whole stupid thing we sometimes think that they(OWs) are better than us, NEVER!


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD said:


> For me, it was quite terrible. I can usually stay pretty level headed and keep my composure, but I was not able to at that point. In the long run, I think it was the best reaction I could have had.
> 
> It wasn't so much about hurting him, it was more about being semi-vulnerable with someone who had just crushed me. Pissed myself off LOL.
> 
> He has never tried to avoid the consequences and he has never mentioned my reaction as being horrible. That is only my standard. I think he is just glad that I never considered getting physical (hitting or anything) with him.


Hi Dawn! I went through so much pain and humiliation that when I woke up and started getting myself out of pain and did everything I always wanted (now I run like Forrest Gump, have improved my salsa dancing, my son and I are inseparable and I am training again as a swimmer) I found myself stronger than I have ever been in my life. How did you come to realize you wanted to try it again with your WS? DIdn't you feel you were fine on your own? And I ask cause I am numb to him now 10 months after Dday.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Mr Blunt said:


> I think this is such a good way to fight infidelity that it is worth repeating and repeating and repeating. Hopefully people will take advantage of this method and turn from looking to the cheating, lying, weak character adulterer to build them up.
> *The adulterer has very little or nothing to offer the BS.*
> 
> 
> ...



After a while, I had come to realize I had done "the 180". It was not intentional, it was more or less a process. I sat there feeling destroyed, and then I got ANGRY. And remembered all the effort I had been putting in to our marriage and how I was being lied to the whole time. And I decided that all that effort was now going to go towards myself.


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD said:


> If I may ask, does her behavior affect your respect level for HIM?? I know that sounds backwards, but after seeing my H's OW and talking with her, just the fact he would get into an affair with her crazy arse made me lose some respect for him for a long time.


Me too and made me barf, literally!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Grey Goose said:


> How did you come to realize you wanted to try it again with your WS? DIdn't you feel you were fine on your own? And I ask cause I am numb to him now 10 months after Dday.


 The only reason that I considered working it out, was because he had done literally every thing I had ever asked for, and then more. He got Individual Counseling where he finally got his PTSD diagnosed. (After 3 years of me telling him he had it of course lol) He actually sat there and wrote me a series of letters. He started them from back when he first got home from Iraq. He listed each individual thing he could remember that was wrong and unfair. He never tried to justify his affair. He took the information I gave him, processed it, and learned from it. (Such as, lying to me about cheating was to protect you and the OW, not me). 

About 2 years after Dday, I found myself starting to truly love him again. Coping with the fact he did something horrid, but that wasn't all that he was. Came to acceptance. He did screw up royally and he hurt me. But I have also made mistakes in my life, and I would not be okay with people solely judging me by what I had done wrong, and not looking at all at what I had done right.

I would have been fine on my own! I still would be today had we not reconciled. That is what makes this so easy. I can not guarantee he will not do it again, all I can promise is that if he does, he already knows what he will lose. I think there can be a lot of emphasis on "going at it alone" and people think those who R are scared to be alone or worried they won't make it. Not at all. I merely made a choice to give a second chance. What he does with it is up to him.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Grey Goose said:


> And I ask cause I am numb to him now 10 months after Dday.


I was as well. If he want you, REALLY WANTS YOU, then he will wait as long as it takes, and he will do all that he can to show you that.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

DawnD said:


> The only reason that I considered working it out, was because he had done literally every thing I had ever asked for, and then more. He got Individual Counseling where he finally got his PTSD diagnosed. (After 3 years of me telling him he had it of course lol) He actually sat there and wrote me a series of letters. He started them from back when he first got home from Iraq. He listed each individual thing he could remember that was wrong and unfair. He never tried to justify his affair. He took the information I gave him, processed it, and learned from it. (Such as, lying to me about cheating was to protect you and the OW, not me).
> 
> About 2 years after Dday, I found myself starting to truly love him again. Coping with the fact he did something horrid, but that wasn't all that he was. Came to acceptance. He did screw up royally and he hurt me. But I have also made mistakes in my life, and I would not be okay with people solely judging me by what I had done wrong, and not looking at all at what I had done right.
> 
> I would have been fine on my own! I still would be today had we not reconciled. That is what makes this so easy. I can not guarantee he will not do it again, all I can promise is that if he does, he already knows what he will lose. I think there can be a lot of emphasis on "going at it alone" and people think those who R are scared to be alone or worried they won't make it. Not at all. I merely made a choice to give a second chance. What he does with it is up to him.


My thoughts exactly!:smthumbup:


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD said:


> The only reason that I considered working it out, was because he had done literally every thing I had ever asked for, and then more. He got Individual Counseling where he finally got his PTSD diagnosed. (After 3 years of me telling him he had it of course lol) He actually sat there and wrote me a series of letters. He started them from back when he first got home from Iraq. He listed each individual thing he could remember that was wrong and unfair. He never tried to justify his affair. He took the information I gave him, processed it, and learned from it. (Such as, lying to me about cheating was to protect you and the OW, not me).
> 
> About 2 years after Dday, I found myself starting to truly love him again. Coping with the fact he did something horrid, but that wasn't all that he was. Came to acceptance. He did screw up royally and he hurt me. But I have also made mistakes in my life, and I would not be okay with people solely judging me by what I had done wrong, and not looking at all at what I had done right.
> 
> I would have been fine on my own! I still would be today had we not reconciled. That is what makes this so easy. I can not guarantee he will not do it again, all I can promise is that if he does, he already knows what he will lose. I think there can be a lot of emphasis on "going at it alone" and people think those who R are scared to be alone or worried they won't make it. Not at all. I merely made a choice to give a second chance. What he does with it is up to him.


Wow I finally see something here that resembles my situation, thank you soooo much!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

This is a great post. Our situations have some similarities. I also kicked my husband out on D day and did an inadvertent 180. I also know I will divorce him if it ever happens again. He also did everything a WS could do right and then some. And I also know that I would be perfectly fine, happy even, if I WAS on my own 

We'll be 3 years out from D day #1 in March. D day#2 was 2 days ago, I just realized!! It passed and I didn't even think about it  I was a mess last year, but this year not so much.

Thanks for sharing your strength with us!


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

The men that betrayed these women below are very lucky that these women stuck with them. *The qualities that I see in these women (Healthy self-esteem) and a doer not just a talker is very attractive to good strong men.* These WS husbands are lucky that some men did not go after their wives and their wives found another man. Same goes for women.


*Jessi*
i'm the same if my husband chose the path of infedelity again he would not be given another chance.
( not only does Jessi have those qualities but she can type a lot of text WITH JUST ONE FINGER!)


*Dawn*
After a while, I had come to realize I had done "the 180". It was not intentional, it was more or less a process. I sat there feeling destroyed, and then I got ANGRY. And remembered all the effort I had been putting in to our marriage and how I was being lied to the whole time. And I decided that all that effort was now going to go towards myself.


*Grey Goose*
Hi Dawn! I went through so much pain and humiliation that when I woke up and started getting myself out of pain and did everything I always wanted (now I run like Forrest Gump, have improved my salsa dancing, my son and I are inseparable and I am training again as a swimmer) I found myself stronger than I have ever been in my life. How did you come to realize you wanted to try it again with your WS? DIdn't you feel you were fine on your own? And I ask cause I am numb to him now 10 months after Dday.


*HOPE*
This is a great post. Our situations have some similarities. I also kicked my husband out on D day and did an inadvertent 180. I also know I will divorce him if it ever happens again. He also did everything a WS could do right and then some. And I also know that I would be perfectly fine, happy even, if I WAS on my own


I hope that those BS that are not building themselves up but trying to depend on the WS to heal them read these posts above and learn!



When you are young you may want a good looking person with a sexy body. However, when you get a little older and wiser you realize that *a woman/man with character is so much more valuable. *


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> The men that betrayed these women below are very lucky that these women stuck with them. *The qualities that I see in these women (Healthy self-esteem) and a doer not just a talker is very attractive to good strong men.* These WS husbands are lucky that some men did not go after their wives and their wives found another man. Same goes for women.
> 
> 
> *Jessi*
> ...


Thank you Mr Blunt, it took a lot of pain and a 2 year old for me not to fall out. I can not state that I am in R since I am now in limbo or numbness land (I can't seem to feel anything). My WS is trying but I am just numb!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Grey Goose said:


> Thank you Mr Blunt, it took a lot of pain and a 2 year old for me not to fall out. I can not state that I am in R since I am now in limbo or numbness land (I can't seem to feel anything). My WS is trying but I am just numb!


There isn't anything wrong with that GG. As long as you are getting yourself to a good place, you will figure out what you want. There is no shame is staying, and there is no shame in walking away. 

Have you had the talk about WHY he strayed???(Keep in mind this is not me saying YOU did something that made it happen, I am asking why HE thought it was okay).


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD said:


> There isn't anything wrong with that GG. As long as you are getting yourself to a good place, you will figure out what you want. There is no shame is staying, and there is no shame in walking away.
> 
> Have you had the talk about WHY he strayed???(Keep in mind this is not me saying YOU did something that made it happen, I am asking why HE thought it was okay).


Yes we have had several talks alone, with MC and even spritual counselors and I know I am not the one who threw him into the A, but I do accept and have been working on my mistakes for a year now (before I could get a hold of A evidence I wanted us to go to MC but he did not want to so I started alone).

I read your post on giving them a letter with how you as a BS felt and went through, I saved time and just gave him my journal for the past year... he came into my office crying and beging for forgiveness. I just did not know what to do, except put the client call I was having on mute!


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD - It will be a year after the day next month, great Christmas gift I got ha!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Grey Goose said:


> Yes we have had several talks alone, with MC and even spritual counselors and I know I am not the one who threw him into the A, but I do accept and have been working on my mistakes for a year now (before I could get a hold of A evidence I wanted us to go to MC but he did not want to so I started alone).
> 
> I read your post on giving them a letter with how you as a BS felt and went through, I saved time and just gave him my journal for the past year... he came into my office crying and beging for forgiveness. I just did not know what to do, except put the client call I was having on mute!


What has your husband committed to since then?? What has he been doing to show he deserves you even considering reconciling??


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Grey Goose said:


> DawnD - It will be a year after the day next month, great Christmas gift I got ha!


This will make you laugh. I found out.......30 minutes before the surprise bday party I was throwing for my H on Halloween. Yep, went through 6 hours of a party before everyone left and I could react.


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD said:


> This will make you laugh. I found out.......30 minutes before the surprise bday party I was throwing for my H on Halloween. Yep, went through 6 hours of a party before everyone left and I could react.


OMG I can imagine you singing happy Bday!:rofl:


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Grey Goose said:


> OMG I can imagine you singing happy Bday!:rofl:


Definitely was not a perfect party LMAO. Damn near threw the cake with the candles on the table at him LOL.


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD said:


> What has your husband committed to since then?? What has he been doing to show he deserves you even considering reconciling??
> 
> He has done everything now and I have access to everything, he is in IC and went to my IC last week, he follows me around and has become a great dad, but there are things and mistakes he made from the past year that linger in my head and do not allow me to trust him. Does it ever help to post your story? I haven't.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Grey Goose said:


> DawnD said:
> 
> 
> > What has your husband committed to since then?? What has he been doing to show he deserves you even considering reconciling??
> ...


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

DawnD said:


> Grey Goose said:
> 
> 
> > I think it helps sometimes. The more information given, the more information you get. I even ventured over to the Men's Clubhouse and got some really wonderful help over there. (Dealing with my perception about his needs). You can really take a lot away from this place if you know where to ask.
> ...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

DawnD said:


> Definitely was not a perfect party LMAO. Damn near threw the cake with the candles on the table at him LOL.


That's brutal 

I had to postpone reacting till we could get rid of the kids. Took about 6 hours for me too. When I found the emails he was in the shower. I went and opened the shower door and just said, in a low voice, that he'd better pack his bags and get the fvck out NOW. He was all, like, "what?? What??" I just said go have a look at your computer, where I'd left the emails up after I sent them all to myself. The kids were all around, though, and when he didn't do what I'd told him to I couldn't say or do anything. He actually spent the afternoon in the garage arranging his tools as if nothing had happened!!!! So I finally told him that he was taking the kids to a movie and paying for it for them then coming home to talk. When he got home I let him have it.


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

When I found out it was 4 days before xmas and my mother in law was just in front of me giving me the phone where the messages were, she had no idea it was not my phone! It was 8 AM and I waited until 9 PM that my son was sleeping ( I spent the whole day calmed, working and making sure he was home at the time I needed him to be there), prepared myself a drink and asked him politely to wait for me on the terrace that I needed to talk (never did I insult him, raised my voice or hit him. I just handed him the phone and asked him If he could explain this or should I complete the story?)

Oh the stories they come up with ha?!
We certtainly have balls!!!!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Hope1964 said:


> That's brutal
> 
> I had to postpone reacting till we could get rid of the kids. Took about 6 hours for me too. When I found the emails he was in the shower. I went and opened the shower door and just said, in a low voice, that he'd better pack his bags and get the fvck out NOW. He was all, like, "what?? What??" I just said go have a look at your computer, where I'd left the emails up after I sent them all to myself. The kids were all around, though, and when he didn't do what I'd told him to I couldn't say or do anything. He actually spent the afternoon in the garage arranging his tools as if nothing had happened!!!! So I finally told him that he was taking the kids to a movie and paying for it for them then coming home to talk. When he got home I let him have it.


 When I see posts like some of the ones I see here, where the BS has had to wait to avoid exposing the children/family/etc to the fall out, it makes me see how strong we are. I walked around a party for 6 hours smiling and chatting, with so much anger I could have exploded. You sat there and waited to find the time take care of business. GG did the same. That is how I know we are all going to be alright.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Grey Goose said:


> When I found out it was 4 days before xmas and my mother in law was just in front of me giving me the phone where the messages were, she had no idea it was not my phone! It was 8 AM and I waited until 9 PM that my son was sleeping ( I spent the whole day calmed, working and making sure he was home at the time I needed him to be there), prepared myself a drink and asked him politely to wait for me on the terrace that I needed to talk (never did I insult him, raised my voice or hit him. I just handed him the phone and asked him If he could explain this or should I complete the story?)
> 
> Oh the stories they come up with ha?!
> We certtainly have balls!!!!


 Survival. I can compartmentalize damn near anything, and it works in my favor sometimes. I do believe you share this talent with me


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

Today was a not such a great day for me but thanks to you DawnD, Hope, Mr Blunt and AlmostRecovered (and of course my transformation into Forrest Gump that allows me to go running 8 or 9 miles) I am much better and ready to enjoy my 2 year old, have a drink afterwards and see Greys Anatomy. Oh the things we do!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Do you really run that far? Wow. That is so awesome.

I can't run anywhere, even if I wanted to. We have a foot and a half of snow.


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## Grey Goose (Aug 23, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Do you really run that far? Wow. That is so awesome.
> 
> I can't run anywhere, even if I wanted to. We have a foot and a half of snow.


Yeap I have been an athlete all my life but after the baby was born I could not find the time. My main thing had been swimming since I was 4 but with my situation I just decided one day in December to get out and ran like the world would end. That day I understood the Forrest Gump movie and now my first half marathon will be this Sunday. 

I live in the Caribbean so besides rain and storms we can run all year long. I sometimes run or bike with my baby. Running and doing sports is the only thing that has kept me sane during this ordeal!


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