# In limbo



## tempinsanity (Oct 13, 2011)

I was hoping to get some input, especially from someone who has maybe been through what I am about to describe.

I have been married a long time with 2 great kids in teens. Wife is a good woman in general and good mom. 

However, we really both made so big mistakes. Let me try and explain and not get too detailed. We had issues such as finances, semi long hours on her part that fell on me to handle kids activities, not being a great listener, etc which never really ever got resolved. Resentment grew over the years. I guess you would say needs were not met, I thought I was communicating and she would say she thought she was getting better, and it would just go back to being same. After some point I just stopped giving a sh_t about finances, started getting burnt out somewhat all the activities my wife would put the kids in. And today I am mad at myself for letting so many years go by and not resolving these issues, because I slowly withdrew from the marriage. We can even discuss this today and she agrees with what I described. 

Ok, so here we are. We handle the separation as good as can be expected. We cooperate very well. She needs something done with house and I am there to fix. No bashing each other or putting each other down. 

I respect my wife a lot. But by withdrawing and so many years going by, I just do not feel that romantic connection anymore. And for added information, we started dating in high school and just logically progressed to marriage - I say this because never really had a real passionate butterfly type feelings but we just got along well. I think I am being honest and not rewriting marital history.

Now, about 4 years ago I had a short affair of about a month. I really felt passion for this girl. But, we both decided it was not right and stopped. Not only was it not right from a moral standpoint, it also made me long for a real connection with a woman as opposed to feeling like room mates. And yes,realize it was mostly lust but still, I felt a strong connection. 

Now, I am at the crossroads. Go back or file. I almost think of going back but then I get panicky because i am not sure how much I love her. Will my room mate feelings come back. Am I giving up to fear by going back? Is the idea of wanting to find someone who I really have a connection for silly? Can I just jump back in and try to put blinders on and make it work? 

So, I have read many posts similar to this. Usually it seems to be more women doing this then men. But for those who lost that connection you know what I mean. And my situation is more on the mild side meaning not being nasty to one another or violence or gambling.........just day to day stuff that was ignored and like a cancer ate at the marriage.

Fear keeps me from moving, fear from a moral perspective, fear of making a mistake and fear of giving up my strong want for a real connection with a woman..........but I need to move on one way or another. I would love to hear what others who have been thru this to tell me their thoughts, regrets, course of action they took.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Limbo is a terrible place to be... I know I'm in it... I hope others with very good insight can shed better light on for you . 

~sammy


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## dontKnowMe (Jun 1, 2011)

Read the book Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. It won't make up your mind for you but it's a good read.


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## Avalon (Jul 5, 2011)

Ditto , read the book. Nobody but you can decide what you want to do, but the book does help to put things in perspective, possibly in ways that you haven't considered before. It certainly opened my eyes up when I read it.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Avalon, 

For helping to save the marriage or to let go ? 

~sammy


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## dontKnowMe (Jun 1, 2011)

The book gives impartial advice. The advice is not skewed towards staying or leaving. The author's goal is to help you figure out the BEST solution no matter what that may be.


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