# I am so confused



## Texas Janell (Sep 16, 2014)

I am considering a divorce from a man that I love very much. We married 5 years ago after both of us had lost our spouses. We both have adult children. My husband is 18 years older than me, and still a very active man. 

When we married, he wanted to live in his house on his farm. It was wonderful, peaceful and relaxing out in the country on 98 acres. I had my own place with a nice little house, a motorhome and 6 acres. We sold the motorhome, my convertible, and all my furniture because he liked his house the way it was. 

His son threw such a fit about me living in his mothers house that we finally sold part of the farm and bought a home some 20 miles away and let him and his wife move into the house, all he had to do was pay the insurance and taxes. We left all the farm equipment with him. Basically we set him up pretty good. We even bought him a brand new car so he wouldn't have trouble getting back and forth to work, since his car was falling apart. We paid off his wifes car and paid off their mobile home so they could sell it free and clear and have some cash. This was 2 years ago. He has not been able to pay taxes or insurance one time. We still have to pay that. I will not go into all the details, but he could pay for these things, he knows that if he doesn't then his dad will. I knew when we got married that my husband had plans to leave everything he owned to his son. I don't agree with it but that is not my business, that it his choice. He has 3 daughters who will not get anything. 

When we bought the new house, he said that would be mine and I signed my property over to him. I have been urging him for several years to please update his will since it has not been done since we got married. In Texas, his will stands and my step son will own half of my house and all of my property that I signed over to his Dad. For one thing I do not want to deal with the Step Son period. He is a lying, manipulating self centered person. He is 43 years old and when his father is gone he will squander everything he has. He spends anywhere from $1000 to $2000 a month on porn and sex phone calls. 

My husband and I have been arguing a lot about this whole situation. I love this man but I am loosing respect for him and do not understand how a parent can let one child run his life and continue to finance his problems. He uses tactics to make his father feel sorry for him and it is so easy to see through it, even his sisters can see what is happening but my husband just can't believe that his son would lie or manipulate him. 

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do I deal with this.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

TJ, I am sorry you find yourself in this situation.

The best way to deal with this situation is to (re) gain some measure of control over things.

Frankly, signing your property over to this man without having something in place then and there where he signed some of his property over to you was a profoundly unwise decision on your part.

That's a polite way of saying "stupid," in case you were wondering.

Fix that first.

Go see a lawyer. Take the documents along that you signed. Have the lawyer recommend a good Accountant, too, because you might need his help also.

Have the lawyer draw up papers for your husband to sign where he actually surrenders legal control of the house to you.

My guess is that he isn't going to want to do this, because he is just like his son only you can't see it because you love him. Boy are you in for a surprise.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Texas Janell said:


> His son threw such a fit about me living in his mothers house that we finally sold part of the farm and bought a home some 20 miles away and let him and his wife move into the house, all he had to do was pay the insurance and taxes. We left all the farm equipment with him. Basically we set him up pretty good. We even bought him a brand new car so he wouldn't have trouble getting back and forth to work, since his car was falling apart. We paid off his wifes car and paid off their mobile home so they could sell it free and clear and have some cash. This was 2 years ago. He has not been able to pay taxes or insurance one time. We still have to pay that.
> 
> I knew when we got married that my husband had plans to leave everything he owned to his son. I don't agree with it but that is not my business, that it his choice. He has 3 daughters *who will not get anything*.


You ignored the warning signs of a severely dysfunctional family. 

Walk away. It will never change. But ONLY after you've gone to a lawyer to get your own property back.


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## CafeRed (Mar 26, 2012)

I'm sure this is all so frustrating for you, and I'm very sorry to hear of the struggles you're going through right now in your marriage. Have you considered talking with a counselor about all of this? Even if your husband won't join you, it might be helpful for you to talk with someone in order to get some advice for your circumstances. 

I hope you don't throw in the towel at this point. You obviously love your husband very much, and I'd hate to see you give up at this point. I'll be praying for you, friend.


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