# How long did you make your current man wait for sex?



## Goldmember357

I'm not one of those guys who thinks that if a woman has had sex early on in a previous relationship that she "owes" the current person she is with the same. Sex is not so black and white especially when it comes to relationships and trying to FIND someone to CONNECT with. I think one sets themselves up for failure and many problems if they try to plan everything let alone view sex as a reward system or a give and take thing.Since men are game for sex whenever, especially when they are seeing a woman. When and where sex takes place is all up to the woman, when the woman allows the man to go further all the way to sex or whether she says she is ready for it, she ultimately decides when they will have sex.


So that makes me a bit curious

Women, compared to previous relationships/dates you have had, how long did you make your current partner wait? Was it longer or shorter than previous partners or was it somewhere in the middle? 

One could imagine your current partner is more attractive physically and in all other areas than your previous partners, yet for those of you that realized this, why did you wait longer than other times to have sex with your current partner?


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## Faithful Wife

"Since men are game for sex whenever, especially when they are seeing a woman. When and where sex takes place is all up to the woman, when the woman allows the man to go further all the way to sex or whether she says she is ready for it, she ultimately decides when they will have sex."


This simply isn't true in my case. It being "all up to the woman" is not true for a man who doesn't need sex to validate himself and who only has sex when he wants to, not because "some woman is willing". When we met, he never pushed or asked for sex because sex is the easy part of relationships (for him). Instead, he wanted to get to know me to see if I was wife material or not.

It was several months of dating before we had intercourse.

The idea that I would have "made him wait" is absurd in our case. If anything, I had to wait.


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## diwali123

Goldmember357 said:


> I'm not one of those guys who thinks that if a woman has had sex early on in a previous relationship that she "owes" the current person she is with the same. Sex is not so black and white especially when it comes to relationships and trying to FIND someone to CONNECT with. I think one sets themselves up for failure and many problems if they try to plan everything let alone view sex as a reward system or a give and take thing.Since men are game for sex whenever, especially when they are seeing a woman. When and where sex takes place is all up to the woman, when the woman allows the man to go further all the way to sex or whether she says she is ready for it, she ultimately decides when they will have sex.
> 
> 
> So that makes me a bit curious
> 
> Women, compared to previous relationships/dates you have had, how long did you make your current partner wait? Was it longer or shorter than previous partners or was it somewhere in the middle?
> 
> One could imagine your current partner is more attractive physically and in all other areas than your previous partners, yet for those of you that realized this, why did you wait longer than other times to have sex with your current partner?


I have had ONS but I wanted to not cheapen our relationship or end up in the booty call zone. So we waited until the third date. It was a mutual decision. Plus we lived an hour away from each other and both have kids so didn't really have opportunity until then.


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## Holland

Mr H held out till the second date. I would have done him on the first but I don't think the other patrons at the restaurant would have been impressed.


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## SimplyAmorous

My husband was my only and how long he waited for me (intercourse wise) - most probably wouldn't believe, or feel he was a fool...(but I was very young when we met, this was a factor)..... he never complained...it was something that meant something to me, and he was "on board". 

I asked him one day if we could go back in time and had "all the way" sex all those years, he told me ..he'd do it all over again the same.


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## Jellybeans

Sex? Oh that thing other people have?

Yeah it's been awhile. LOL.


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## TikiKeen

Almost five weeks. He asked if we could wait, and I was thrilled about that.


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## Jellybeans

That is awful, Tiki.

Has it always been like that between you two? What is going on with him? Has he always been low-libido'ed? 

Why the change? If there has been one.

I am single now (and so obviously no sexing) but my exH would hump me all the time. We may have had our issues, but he always wanted it, all zee time. It's always hard for me to understand sexless/no sex marriages.


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## Hope1964

My husband made ME wait for 5 months. I finally just took his clothes off and insisted. I was a single mom with three kids and he 'wanted to be sure'.


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## Almost There

My boyfriend and I met online, and were long distance for 9 painful months before we finally were able to meet. We talked about it, and he wasn't sure that he'd want to right away (neither was I), but I planned for it anyways as the possibility was definitely there, I knew. He said there was no reason to rush things and that is was okay if that didn't happen, which was really sweet.

...Yeah. We ended up in bed together mere hours after we got back to my apartment. lol! I teased him afterwards "what was that about maybe waiting?"  We don't regret it one bit, though.


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## TheCuriousWife

SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband was my only and how long he waited for me (intercourse wise) - most probably wouldn't believe, or feel he was a fool...(but I was very young when we met, this was a factor)..... he never complained...it was something that meant something to me, and he was "on board".
> 
> I asked him one day if we could go back in time and had "all the way" sex all those years, he told me ..he'd do it all over again the same.


My story is very similar to yours. My husband and I waited over 4.5 years. We were both very young when we started dating. In fact we waited 3.5 years to even have our first kiss. That is unheard of in this day and age. I'd do it over the same way if I had the chance.


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## SimplyAmorous

TheCuriousWife said:


> *In fact we waited 3.5 years to even have our first kiss. *That is unheard of in this day and age. I'd do it over the same way if I had the chance.


I have only heard of one other couple.. .who waited *to kiss*..... until their wedding day even! 

She was in my Mops group...a Preachers Daughter & he was a Preacher's son...she was a very dainty blonde and so very sweet....when she shared this with the rest of us ladies...(somehow getting on the subject of sex).... I made a big fuss about it....I think I let me mouth drop to the floor  and asked "HOW could you do that??" in amazement.....it's just something they wanted to Do, she tried to explain..... they had 2 little girls when I knew them....seemed very happy.. That is the rarest of the rare...


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## LemiLekySama

I made my husband wait 3 months before we had sex. It was worth it, though.


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## TikiKeen

Jellybeans, it was 2-3x weekly the first few years. Same night every time. I figured it was really good, so the fact that it was apparently scheduled wasn't a big deal. until it was.

I forgot to answer one of OP's other questions, about how we feel comparatively. I was a horndog for years. I very much got around. (H did too). It was nice to want to feel connected in order to have sex.


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## heartsbeating

As cheesy as this may sound, it wasn't that I made him wait, it's that I needed to be ready. 

Kissing though ...happened before the first date.


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## lucy mulholland

I'm not really a "waiter" 

With my X it was over two months...and look where that ended up 

So I figured, why the hell not, I spent over two months deciding whether I liked my new guy, I finally asked him out, he said yes, and then we made it to the third date. But by the time you're in your 30s, I figure, why not? Life's too short, and it's been almost a year for me before that, and I do really like him. Pretty good connection going...


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## Married but Happy

We met online almost 14 years ago, and our first date was in between (we lived 100 miles apart). We had sex on the second date - it felt right. Since then, we never looked back, and it's still pretty much daily or more.


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## mablenc

2 years until marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have only heard of one other couple.. .who waited *to kiss*..... until their wedding day even!
> 
> She was in my Mops group...a Preachers Daughter & he was a Preacher's son...she was a very dainty blonde and so very sweet....when she shared this with the rest of us ladies...(somehow getting on the subject of sex).... I made a big fuss about it....I think I let me mouth drop to the floor  and asked "HOW could you do that??" in amazement.....it's just something they wanted to Do, she tried to explain..... they had 2 little girls when I knew them....seemed very happy.. That is the rarest of the rare...


I remember a sermon ages ago that I attended with my wife that targetted the youth of the congregation, preaching that for unmarried couples to prevent the temptation of fornication -> they should avoid not just kissing, but also holding hands, walking together, etc etc.

Like come on :slap:


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## samyeagar

I made my STBW wait until the second date.


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## SimplyAmorous

RandomDude said:


> I remember a sermon ages ago that I attended with my wife that targetted the youth of the congregation, preaching that for unmarried couples to prevent the temptation of fornication -> they should avoid not just kissing, but also holding hands, walking together, etc etc.
> 
> Like come on :slap:


Believe you Me, I feel that is *AS Ridiculous *as you do RD......and have shared these thoughts with Christians, trying to appeal with reason....as being young, we all raged with pent up hormones to explore a little... my feelings (and being a toucher to boot), it would be pure torment to even have a BF or GF and not be able to kiss and get a little frisky, and yes below the belt... .

I do not care for, nor will ever agree with the Black & white / all or nothing mentality of the Religious...I've sat in on those "Silver Ring Programs" ....I strongly feel this only sets our young people up for a mighty Fall or Repression as they beat it down, which can cause problems later in their marriages.... 

I can, however, understand keeping a raging semen filled rod out of my body while dating- IF a girl cares to only be with the man she marries (IF her intention is to marry younger, that is)..as mine was...

IN this way....their touching, getting to know each other intimately - their emotional connection flourishes...there is no worry of pregnancy....they are learning of their sexuality .... if our children handle themselves in this way... I will be very happy...it is good to have some self restraint (so I feel)... even this is being very very conservative in this day & age.


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## RandomDude

Aye, I agree with you SA.

Well, I do hope to raise my daughter to guard her heart and to place her trust wisely. However I don't see how all these 'restrictions' and 'rules' is going to help, it'll just make it more a forbidden fruit. 

And not to mention marriage itself is a hell of a commitment, I'd rather she makes the right choice; in which I would ENCOURAGE her to have sex before marriage lest she ends up married to someone she'll want to divorce on their wedding night. And I'll probably strangle my son-in-law if he turns out sh-t in bed for leading on my daughter.


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## Pandakiss

We dated for about 4 years. We were 12/13, so we didn't feel it was something we should do. I told him a few months ago, if we were 18, it would have been that same day we met or the next day lol.


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## ASummersDay

I felt safe with my husband almost immediately. I knew he wouldn't break my heart. I had sex with him for the first time about two weeks after we started dating. It was very unusual for me, because I had waited months in my prior relationships.


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## ScarletBegonias

We kissed on our first date but didn't have sex for a while after that.It wasn't for lack of wanting to jump right on him.It was a scheduling issue LOL

I had been wondering what his hot body looked like naked since I was in the 7th grade so the time between the first kiss (which was really a second kiss since we were boyfriend/girlfriend as little kiddies) and sex seemed like an ETERNITY!!!

It was pretty fast compared to my other serious relationship sex timelines but slow compared to the occasional casual sex I had in the past.


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## DesertRat1978

The wife and I waited 11 months to have sex the first time. The main reason for the long day was her getting vaccinated for HPV.


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## GettingIt_2

Hmmmmm, I slept with him a lot first, THEN decided I wanted to date him.  

Am I the only one?


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## kag123

He made me wait until the third date. I wanted him on the first. I wasnt looking for any kind of relationship and just wanted to have some fun. He had other things in mind and drew me in.


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## MrsLadyWriter

He didn't kiss me until our 2nd date. We dated for 18 months before getting married and waited until our wedding night to have sex. I told him straight up - no ring = no ding. He told me years later he respected me for that.


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## Laurel

I had sex with the man who would become my husband on our second date. I'd never been so attracted to anyone in my life. It was totally out of character for me to do that so soon. Honestly, I probably would have slept with him on the first date but I hadn't shaved my legs - obviously I never anticipated it would go as well as it did, haha.


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## NextTimeAround

Sex is such a political hot potato. And I don't think it does the woman any favors to "make the guy wait." because

1. He may be closet gay and using you as a beard. I'm convinced that an ex in the not to distant past is in this situation.
2. You two may find that you are sexually incompatible. Better to find out before marriage than afterwards.
3. HE may have unfinished business. This happened with me and my (future) fiance. Although he was taking up my time, he didn't tell me until later what was playing in the background; that is, him seeing if he could get back with the ex who was then played off as just a friend of his.

I think as with a lot of guys, they want to seem like good guys so if things had gone the other way, he could have at least said, "well, I wasn't using you for sex." Aha, yes, but it seems he may have been using me for other things -- like trying to get her jealous. 

In other words, I am not convinced that a guy who is taking up your time but can wait 3, 6 months or 2 years before he gets sex is necessarily a positive thing.


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## Caribbean Man

MrsLadyWriter said:


> He didn't kiss me until our 2nd date. We dated for 18 months before getting married and waited until our wedding night to have sex. *I told him straight up - no ring = no ding. He told me years later he respected me for that.*


My wife told me pretty much the same and in a very _matter-of-fact way._
Pretty difficult for a man not to respect a woman like that.
But she took me completely by surprise and planted a really wet kiss on me before our " first date."

We got married one year later.


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## GettingIt_2

I don't think there is a foolproof way to judge whether or not waiting for sex is better for the future relationship.

All we can judge is what is best at the time for us as individuals. There certainly is no guarantee that there won't be regrets either way. 

We do tend to come to a conclusion about what is best based on how the experience turned out for us. If one's relationship is happy now, years after you waited or didn't wait for sex, you might look back and say, "Wow, I'm so glad my wife made me wait, look at how it's worked out." Or you might say, "Thank god I made sure we were sexually compatible or things might suck for me now." 

If you have regrets in your current relationship, you might tend to blame them, in part, on how quickly you jumped in bed with your partner early on. 

As for me, I don't think it matters to the future success of a relationship. Far more indicative of success is KNOWING and TRUSTING the other person, and KNOWING and TRUSTING yourself. For some people it takes years to reach the knowing and trusting phase. I first had sex with my husband when I barely knew him and certainly had no designs on him as a future spouse. After I fell in love with him, we dated for 11 years before we tied the knot. Is is what happened in those eleven years as we grew and changed WITH one another that has been instrumental to our marital success (which has had it's serious ups and downs.) 

Take the time to truly know the other person, take the time to truly know yourself. Use the time to communicate and reflect. It's not the perfect indicator, but I think it's more important than when sex is introduced into a relationship.


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## WorkingOnMe

The whole premise of "making him wait" just sounds like game playing that I would not want to be involved in. I couldn't be with someone who believes sex is something they have that they give to a man rather than something you give each other. Like it's something they have the power to dole out.


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## SimplyAmorous

> *WorkingOnMe said: *The whole premise of "making him wait" just sounds like *game playing* that I would not want to be involved in. I couldn't be with someone who believes sex is something they have that they give to a man rather than something you give each other. Like it's something they have the *power* to dole out.


We definitely give to each other... you have this part wrong...at the appropriate time (is the key)..... we give our ALL.. nothing held back...

I know this is just how you feel Working On Me...and heavens, no one is going to change your mind....

I do hope not everyone associates the Romantic souled woman who believes in waiting for one special man as all "game players".....I despise games...my husband hates Games....we don't all deserve the broad painted brush. 

Can you please take a moment & read this.. all the while imaging a women is sincere.... I fully get that you prefer a woman who holds a "Sex is just sex" view so you could DO her by the 3rd date....



> *3. ** Romantic View *~
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "save yourself for the one, your beloved"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> [/URL]
> Sex should be reserved for those who are deeply in love with the strings of emotional attachment/commitment. Loveless sex is not appropriate, People should be sexually faithful as long as love lasts. Those who hold the romantic view often talk in terms of sex as sacred, as a Gift to be preserved & given to someone of profound significance.
> 
> Romantic view holds that sex should be connected with a thirst for deep psychological & bodily knowledge, Mutually reciprocated gift-giving & intimacy are it's purpose.
> 
> The feeling of being in love is a feeling that one’s beloved is an irreplaceable soul mate.
> 
> Complications arise, however, when romantic feelings do not last or when someone who has made a commitment to sexual exclusivity finds himself or herself in love with someone else.
> 
> The romantic view emphasizes interpersonal intimacy, but sees the duration of commitment as contingent. Commitment lasts for as long as romantic love lasts. But commitment is a must. A one-time encounter with a stranger may be consensual -but it would not be appropriate for those who hold the Romantic view.


The more I read on this forum, the more I appreciate my husband.....who actually shared THIS VIEW... that it wasn't about sex but about getting to KNOW ME 1st .. all of me....most would have dumped me...if they couldn't pump me in their time frame.. pressured me....I never had to face any of this.. because he walked into my life..

There is nothing wrong with those who choose to wait for sex....(*each view has it's risks attached...but they are different risks*)...... 

Just be sure 2 people are on the same page before the clothes go flying , intentions aligned ...this way less will end up getting hurt..


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## WorkingOnMe

You're wrong I don't hold a sex is just sex view. And if both want to wait then I think that's the right thing for them. I'm not talking about sex for the sake of sex. I'm talking about the balance and wielding of power in a reationship. "Making you wait" is something parents do to children. It's not what equal partners with equal desire for one another do to each other. Unless they're playing games. I respect your choices and your husband's, but there's no doubt he had to jump through hoops for you. Not saying its bad, just not for me. Sexuality in your relationship was not mutual, it was controlled by you.


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## Created2Write

Goldmember357 said:


> I'm not one of those guys who thinks that if a woman has had sex early on in a previous relationship that she "owes" the current person she is with the same. Sex is not so black and white especially when it comes to relationships and trying to FIND someone to CONNECT with. I think one sets themselves up for failure and many problems if they try to plan everything let alone view sex as a reward system or a give and take thing.Since men are game for sex whenever, especially when they are seeing a woman. When and where sex takes place is all up to the woman, when the woman allows the man to go further all the way to sex or whether she says she is ready for it, she ultimately decides when they will have sex.
> 
> 
> So that makes me a bit curious
> 
> Women, compared to previous relationships/dates you have had, how long did you make your current partner wait? Was it longer or shorter than previous partners or was it somewhere in the middle?
> 
> One could imagine your current partner is more attractive physically and in all other areas than your previous partners, yet for those of you that realized this, why did you wait longer than other times to have sex with your current partner?


I've hesitated to post because my beliefs regarding sex are different and likely not popular. I have always believed sex to be sacred, meant to be expressed between two people who love and trust each other in the timing they agree to. DH and I wanted to wait for marriage. He'd had two other partners besides me, I was a virgin when he and I dated. We wanted to wait, and we tried to wait. But we were so in love and so dang hot for each other that we didn't manage to wait until the honeymoon. We were engaged, though, so it was about six months after we started dating that we started having sex. 

Neither of us wanted to "make" the other wait. We agreed that we wanted to wait until marriage, and when the time came, we agreed not to wait until marriage.


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## committed4ever

WorkingOnMe said:


> You're wrong I don't hold a sex is just sex view. And if both want to wait then I think that's the right thing for them. I'm not talking about sex for the sake of sex. I'm talking about the balance and wielding of power in a reationship. "Making you wait" is something parents do to children. It's not what equal partners with equal desire for one another do to each other. Unless they're playing games. I respect your choices and your husband's, but there's no doubt he had to jump through hoops for you. Not saying its bad, just not for me. Sexuality in your relationship was not mutual, it was controlled by you.


WOM, I think you have it all wrong about why a partner choose to wait to have sex. You have just decide it's all about power and you choose to believe that no matter how many others say different. I know in my case, although I was virgin I wasn't necessarily PLANNING to wait for marriage (and didn't) but it was so far from anything to do with power or even make him jump through hoop. I actully wonder you even come to that conclusion it about power? Did someone do that to you?


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## SimplyAmorous

NextTimeAround said:


> *Sex is such a political hot potato. *


 Politics aside ... it certainly is... is there any subject with greater depth...to explore... I can't think of ONE...

What is as exhilarating, as taboo, as titillating, as mind consuming addicting, as devastating in betrayal - causing the fiercest of jealousies, as mountain top pleasurable...causes more fights in marriage...and misunderstandings in dating ....yet can anything give us more of an emotional HIGH & bonding with another...

...and after all this...it has the awesome power to create new life...

Sex is the BOMB...nothing can compare... but when it is engaged in carelessly, raging ahead ....without regard of the possible consequences... it has the Power to destroy many lives... 

Can't help but be a hot Potato


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## heartsbeating

Caribbean Man said:


> My wife told me pretty much the same and in a very _matter-of-fact way._
> Pretty difficult for a man not to respect a woman like that.
> But she took me completely by surprise and planted a really wet kiss on me before our " first date."
> 
> We got married one year later.


We were young, I was guarded. At the end of our first date, I was upfront about sex too... (although not that we had to be married). He was the only one I'd been that open with and it's because I knew I could fall for him and didn't want there to be any surprises later.

If we met today, I'd have to pounce him within the first couple of dates.


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## Bellavista

We waited until marriage, about 18 months for actual PIV & oral. There was considerable kissing and touching that occurred prior to this though.

There was kissing on the second date and I can't remember when the touching started but I don't think it was straight away. H was my first. I have no idea how quickly he had sex with his previous partners, I have never actually asked. He had not had many anyway, we were 19 & 21 when we were married.


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## Caribbean Man

Bellavista said:


> We waited until marriage, about 18 months for actual PIV & oral. There was considerable kissing and touching that occurred prior to this though.
> 
> There was kissing on the second date and I can't remember when the touching started but I don't think it was straight away. H was my first. I have no idea how quickly he had sex with his previous partners, I have never actually asked. He had not had many anyway, we were 19 & 21 when we were married.



Wow,
You guys were quite young Bella!

But I think that was the norm back then?


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## SA's husband

WorkingOnMe said:


> You're wrong I don't hold a sex is just sex view. And if both want to wait then I think that's the right thing for them. I'm not talking about sex for the sake of sex. I'm talking about the balance and wielding of power in a reationship. "Making you wait" is something parents do to children. It's not what equal partners with equal desire for one another do to each other. Unless they're playing games. I respect your choices and your husband's, but there's no doubt he had to jump through hoops for you. Not saying its bad, just not for me. Sexuality in your relationship was not mutual, it was controlled by you.


It was good to have waited, she was 15 and I was 18. But all that aside It was more of a special gift to have sex on our wedding night it would not have been the same if we were already doing it, It would not have had the same luster and excitement you get from the first time. We still had our fun, I was very satisfied, I did not mind waiting for my SA. No hoops.

She asked me to give my say so I could speak for myself.


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## SimplyAmorous

SA's husband said:


> It was good to have waited, she was 15 and I was 18. *But all that aside It was more of a special gift to have sex on our wedding night it would not have been the same if we were already doing it, It would not have had the same luster and excitement you get from the first time.* We still had our fun, I was very satisfied, I did not mind waiting for my SA. No hoops.
> 
> She asked me to give my say so I could speak for myself.


Though the truth is... that anticipated excitement & luster turned into our 1st little marital dilemma ...*He couldn't get it in!* Yes, this was ridiculous...he was just not the type to RAM me like maybe some other guy might have on a 3rd date..(I am being sarcastic, don't mind me)...who knows I might have broken some man's pecker had he tried to DO ME...or he would have felt I was "broken" & tossed me aside...

I am very happy I saved this experience for someone who loved me - a worthy man who was in it for the long haul...

We have a very unique story....to how the OBGYN was ready to schedule me for a hymenectomy (it was that rigid.)...but 1st -he handed me a script for a blood test... 2 days later, I got the phone call.. I was with child >>









For a time my Step Mom joked...(sharing this craziness with her)...calling our baby "the immaculate conception"... I have yet to hear another story like ours...


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## COguy

If I don't get sex by the end of the first date I move on, I'm getting too old to be wasting my youth on waiting. PSYCH!

First marriage we waited till wedding night. That was about 10 months.

Current GF we waited about 6 dates, which was about a month.

I wouldn't set any hard and fast guidelines but I liked the pace with the GF.


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## Jellybeans

ScarletBegonias said:


> I had been wondering what his hot body looked like naked since I was in the 7th grade


Cute!



GettingIt said:


> Hmmmmm, I slept with him a lot first, THEN decided I wanted to date him.


:rofl:



kag123 said:


> He made me wait until the third date. I wanted him on the first.


:smthumbup:


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## Caribbean Man

SimplyAmorous said:


> For a time my Step Mom joked...(sharing this craziness with her)...calling our baby "the *immaculate conception*"... I have yet to hear another story like ours...


" _Immaculate Conception._.":rofl:


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## SimplyAmorous

COguy said:


> If I don't get sex by the end of the first date I move on, I'm getting too old to be wasting my youth on waiting. PSYCH!
> 
> First marriage we waited till wedding night. That was about 10 months.
> 
> Current GF we waited about 6 dates, which was about a month.
> 
> I wouldn't set any hard and fast guidelines but I liked the pace with the GF.


The thing is , when we are young...we haven't tasted of "the fruit" yet...it is easier to hold out, everything feels good ! ... Once you go all the way, you can't just go back to where you was before...and far too many teens engage too soon.. or maybe parents encourage that today ?? 

If I was single again, I know I wouldn't want to wait long AT ALL.. but I wouldn't do casual sex... so if I felt the guy was going to run off, if it seemed that was all he was after.. not into anything long term... I'd have to move on -before I let him in. I think this is very reasonable - for an older woman....I prefer the "marrying type".


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## COguy

SimplyAmorous said:


> The thing is , when we are young...we haven't tasted of "the fruit" yet...it is easier to hold out, everything feels good ! ... Once you go all the way, you can't just go back to where you was before...and far too many teens engage too soon.. or maybe parents encourage that today ??
> 
> If I was single again, I know I wouldn't want to wait long AT ALL.. but I wouldn't do casual sex... so if I felt the guy was going to run off, if it seemed that was all he was after.. not into anything long term... I'd have to move on -before I let him in. I think this is very reasonable - for an older woman....I prefer the "marrying type".


I'm going to stick with what works. Spanking her if she ever touches her privates, and grounding her until she's 18. That way even if she wants to be explorative she'll be too afraid to enjoy it.


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## SimplyAmorous

COguy said:


> I'm going to stick with what works. Spanking her if she ever touches her privates, and grounding her until she's 18. That way even if she wants to be explorative she'll be too afraid to enjoy it.


I do not understand how to read this ...is this "tongue in cheek"?

....Sexual learning and self sex/ Masturbation is GOOD! I feel Jocelyn Elders (Surgeon general yrs ago ) was done a hatchet Job in the media - with her getting fired talking openly about it - suggesting exploring & acceptance for our teens... Good article about that here...

The Dreaded "M" Word  ...Not sure that would happen today- her taking so much heat...and this is a good thing. 

We are *very open* with our sons .... I would bet even more so than the more sexually liberal parents ....there is no shame.. our sexuality is a vital part of who we are... we need self awareness in it... we talk about a lot more than just condoms, and STD's...also sexual ethics/ integrity (asking how they would handle that, how they feel)... how to deal with our lusts.... porn...it's struggle for young men, heck even married men... the various sexual views held in society.. 

Too much to leave that all to Sex Ed class and hope for the best...

Was asking our oldest if he's ever heard of the term "Retroactive Jealousy" just the other day...he is a Psyche student, he should have, but he didn't. So he got an earful on that too.


----------



## COguy

SimplyAmorous said:


> ...is this "tongue in cheek"?


The thought HAS crossed my mind. But yes, I was kidding.


----------



## Jellybeans

SimplyAmorous said:


> If I was single again, I know I wouldn't want to wait long AT ALL.. but I wouldn't do casual sex...


This is how I feel. It's become abundantly clear to me over time that I simply can't do casual, no strings, the sex part. Making out is all fine and good but I want a connection for The Sex.

:smthumbup:


----------



## Bellavista

Caribbean Man said:


> Wow,
> You guys were quite young Bella!
> 
> But I think that was the norm back then?


Yes, we were young, not so young now though

It was the norm amongst Christian couples around us because of the no sex before marriage thing.


----------



## Created2Write

I was 20, and DH was 21 when we got married.


----------



## RandomDude

Sex with someone you love beats sex with a hundred that you don't.

It's strange though, even though my wife had me wait for a year, I was already getting sex from my gf before her when wife and I were 'just friends'. After we broke up, it was about 4 months or so before we got together.

Since the seperation however, having her spoil and scar me throughout the years, 9 months celibacy is already driving me nuts, and I find I can't do NSA sex anymore. I wonder how much longer she will get me to wait, or if we are even going to R at all.


----------



## loopy lu

Minus 2 months. We were friends for a couple of years and FBuddies for a couple of months before making it official as he was worried I was on the rebound from a LT relationship. 

Scratched an itch that never went away ;-)


----------



## TheCuriousWife

SimplyAmorous said:


> The thing is , when we are young...we haven't tasted of "the fruit" yet...it is easier to hold out, everything feels good ! ... Once you go all the way, you can't just go back to where you was before...and far too many teens engage too soon.. or maybe parents encourage that today ??
> 
> If I was single again, I know I wouldn't want to wait long AT ALL.. but I wouldn't do casual sex... so if I felt the guy was going to run off, if it seemed that was all he was after.. not into anything long term... I'd have to move on -before I let him in. I think this is very reasonable - for an older woman....I prefer the "marrying type".



I agree. When we were younger and had not experienced it yet it was "easy" to wait.

If I was to get back into the dating game now. Being the sex crazed woman that I am, there is no way I'd wait over 4 years. 

I still believe it is a sacred act. So I would never casually have sex with dates. But I would probably be fine with it if I was engaged to someone, and I was 100% we were going to stay together for the long haul.


----------



## bestyet2be

TheCuriousWife said:


> ...My husband and I waited over 4.5 years. We were both very young when we started dating. In fact we waited 3.5 years to even have our first kiss. That is unheard of in this day and age.* I'd do it over the same way if I had the chance.*


I find this very confusing, given your many posts writing about the problems you're having.


----------



## TheCuriousWife

bestyet2be said:


> I find this very confusing, given your many posts writing about the problems you're having.


I don't think "testing driving" him would have changed our current problems. We were together a long time and that never affected how much we made out or did other intimate things.

That all dropped off after we were married too. 

I think the sex would have been fine before marriage, and would have dropped off as well after.

What I do regret is not putting my foot down as soon as things started declining. He's gotten comfortable with our current arrangement, and I should have nipped it in the bud long ago when we were still learning each other.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

TheCuriousWife said:


> *I think the sex would have been fine before marriage, and would have dropped off as well after.*


From reading a ton of personal marriage stories on TAM in the last 4 yrs (I really need to leave this place)... one thing is very true.. how much sex a couple had , as hot and wild as it may have been before they tied the knot by no means = it will remain so afterwards.. a lot of this is due to *resentment* growing within a marriage, or just being wrapped up in that RUSH before marriage / that whirlwind romance...experts say between 18-20 months ... then reality sits in after the vows, kids come... fighting may start over $$... kids...time..stress... communication/ listening, so many things ~ and there goes the sex [email protected]#

If a couple is not giving and caring of their spouses intimacy outside of horniness - right there.. is a hell of problem in marriage... so be sure to marry a caring person who tries to put on the shoes of the other.. 

A true lower drive person marrying a higher drive.. this is a terrible mismatch though (in my opinion)... Both should have trouble restraining their hands, passions...dying to get frisky while dating..if restraining is EASY for them... RUN RUN RUN... if you are a high drive man or woman [email protected]#.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

SimplyAmorous said:


> TheCuriousWife said:
> 
> 
> 
> *I think the sex would have been fine before marriage, and would have dropped off as well after.*
> 
> 
> 
> From reading a ton of personal marriage stories on TAM in the last 4 yrs (I really need to leave this place)... one thing is very true.. how much sex a couple had , as hot and wild as it may have been before they tied the knot by no means = it will remain so afterwards.. a lot of this is due to *resentment* growing within a marriage, or just being wrapped up in that RUSH before marriage / that whirlwind romance...experts say between 18-20 months ... then reality sits in after the vows, kids come... fighting may start over $$... kids...time..stress... communication/ listening, so many things ~ and there goes the sex [email protected]#
> 
> If a couple is not giving and caring of their spouses intimacy outside of horniness - right there.. is a hell of problem in marriage... so be sure to marry a caring person who tries to put on the shoes of the other..
> 
> A true lower drive person marrying a higher drive.. this is a terrible mismatch though (in my opinion)... Both should have trouble restraining their hands, passions...dying to get frisky while dating..if restraining is EASY for them... RUN RUN RUN... if you are a high drive man or woman [email protected]#.
Click to expand...

That last part was my big mistake. We had sex very quickly in our relationship but she never desired it. It became a big problem immediately after the vows. Now have been nearly celibate for 6 or 7 years.

My feeling ... I was the serious, responsible, reserved type. I think she was looking for a father ... the person who would treat her and take care of her in a way her father never did. I was looking for a partner. I have never been able to live up to those expectations. I AM that person to my own daughters and that is why she will never leave me.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Laila8

5 months.


----------



## bestyet2be

SimplyAmorous said:


> ...how much sex a couple had , as hot and wild as it may have been before they tied the knot by no means = it will remain so afterwards.


OK, but I don't think that's the point. The line of thinking that I have trouble with is, "I eventually want to have a very sexual relationship, after marriage, but in order to get to that point I need to find someone who will go through a lengthy courtship which is lacking in sexuality."

It's hard to think of sexuality as something that can just selectively be turned off and on, at least not in healthy, non-soul-crushing ways. I think there's also a big difference between younger and older people seeking a mate, as other's sort of suggested. Although feelings of loss, rejection, and disappointment aren't that different at 15 compared to 25, any age, really, I think it becomes harder to patiently invest months, or heaven forbid years, in a hopeful, but ultimately dead end person.

Furthermore, having the happy memory of "fireworks" near the beginning of a relationship can make it easier to get through hard times later. I think it can help avoid the silly line of thinking, "Maybe I never really loved him?" which a lot of people fall into.

Now, you've kind of "begged the question" by defining appropriate dating behavior as "any and all physical intimacy and physical stimulations and interactions except PIV," if I understand you. Hummm, well I don't know. I find myself thinking of former president Clinton defining away sex, technically, legalistically. Maybe you could also include PIV, but only with a condom as OK prior to marriage? So I'm not really sure whether we're in agreement or not...I tend to agree with you on much.


----------



## bestyet2be

TheCuriousWife said:


> ...That all dropped off after we were married too.
> 
> I think the sex would have been fine before marriage, and would have dropped off as well after.


I see. Well maybe there is a "silver lining" then: that it might be possible with enough time, effort, and plain old pain & hard times, to recapture some of that goodness....


----------



## EntirelyDifferent

About 5 months... I didn't want to jump into a sexual relationship with just anyone, so I made him wait.


----------



## bestyet2be

EntirelyDifferent said:


> About 5 months... I didn't want to jump into a sexual relationship with just anyone, so* I made him wait*.


Well don't stop there. Tell more. How did he respond to being made to wait? Start of great relationship? Not? Looking back, would you have done things differently, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 years???? What else do you and he "make" each other do or not do -- you realize "I made him wait," doesn't exactly sound like the basis of a loving and equal marriage, though perhaps it's just your figure of speech...?


----------



## bestyet2be

SimplyAmorous said:


> ...If I was single again, I know I wouldn't want to wait long AT ALL.. but I wouldn't do casual sex... so if I felt the guy was going to run off, if it seemed that was all he was after.. not into anything long term... I'd have to move on -before I let him in. I think this is very reasonable - for an older woman....I prefer the "marrying type".


If I was single again, I told my wife I would move out of the city, where pet ownership is limited, to the county where I could become a crazy old cat man. I can't stand the thought of dating again, so my wife can do anything to me and I won't leave her, well not for another woman, anyway. Maybe for the cats. Luckily she treats me pretty well.







But I'm pretty unusual, in being in the "married 16 to 20 years" category, but still occasionally feeling like I have some sort of weird post traumatic stress disorder from when I was single.

I sometimes wonder about this business of "all he was after?" Is this some kind of a myth? I can only think of one guy who claimed to be like that. Was he really even as magnetic to the women as he claimed? Of course different people travel in different circles...I'm sure I gravitate toward people who think like me.

Here's what I think might be going on: Take a community with 1000 men. Say 990 of the have just a very few sexual partners before marriage, or marry their first. Then say the remaining 10 have lots and lots of sexual partners. From the perspective of the men, almost everyone they know is pretty much the "long term" / marrying type. But maybe many, many of the women in the community have briefly been sexual partners with some of the 10, so the women's perspective is that maybe half or more of all men are this promiscuous type?

The other thing that doesn't add up, is that except for maybe some inner city "club" scene, how quickly can these mythical men replace their conquested women with new ones? Daily? Weekly? To choose to dump the conquested woman and seek another one, you'd think these adventurous, mythical men must be fairly LD, because it's hard to imagine finding a new, willing woman every day or two. But than again, there's a lot I don't know....


----------



## SimplyAmorous

bestyet2be said:


> OK, but I don't think that's the point. The line of thinking that I have trouble with is, *"I eventually want to have a very sexual relationship, after marriage, but in order to get to that point I need to find someone who will go through a lengthy courtship which is lacking in sexuality*."


 I would not be able to do this with no touching, and would have zero desire to -therefore the Church would condemn me... and that's fine...

If my daughter at 16 is frisky with her BF and he is not sticking his twanger in her.. I really don't have a problem with it.. in this way, maybe I am pretty liberal.. one might say... as I see it... you avoid... STD's, you avoid pregnancy, you're not pumping your daughter full of birth control pills with side effects, worrying about a condom breaking, and she still learns about her sexuality.. and she is still saving herself FULLY for one special man (if she cares too).. I did. 

Though she should never be going THAT FAR without the both of them having some kind of commitment, exclusivity, planning on them both staying together...ya know... I agree with you.. getting together and never touching, that is setting our younger people up* for a fall*... plus they'll just lie & hide their experimentation anyway...



> I think there's also a big difference between younger and older people seeking a mate, as other's sort of suggested. Although feelings of loss, rejection, and disappointment aren't that different at 15 compared to 25, any age, really, I think it becomes harder to patiently invest months, or heaven forbid years, in a hopeful, but ultimately dead end person.


 I didn't put on here how long my husband waited, it'd be a TAM record.. most would call him a fool... it was longer than Curiouswife's dating...I had him post his own thoughts on this thread.... he was satisfied and wouldn't change our dating years... We survived, I will admit I struggled with too much "good girl" thinking...after the vows... which If I could go back in time.. I would change this... I wasn't mentally able to turn that switch so easy... I was put off by what I seen in the world ... in porn, etc... and couldn't relate that to being in a loving relationship... 

But while dating..our emotional connection grew and we had something new to bring to our wedding day... and we weren't running off taking cold showers dreaming of each other...we had our pleasurable enjoyment. 

I don't see anything wrong with a couple choosing *certain boundaries in sex*.. especially while they are YOUNG TEENS for goodness sakes. They should have some boundaries!



> Furthermore, having the happy memory of "fireworks" near the beginning of a relationship can make it easier to get through hard times later. I think it can help avoid the silly line of thinking, "Maybe I never really loved him?" which a lot of people fall into.


 I don't think MY parents would have appreciated me having the Fireworks at age 15...and he was too respectful to do that,...even if we could have gotten away with it. he wouldn't have felt right.. Love him for that. The type of guy you want your daughters to bring home... 



> Now, you've kind of "begged the question" by defining appropriate dating behavior as* "any and all physical intimacy and physical stimulations and interactions except PIV,*" if I understand you. Hummm, well I don't know. I find myself thinking of former president Clinton defining away sex, technically, legalistically. Maybe you could also include PIV, but only with a condom as OK prior to marriage? So I'm not really sure whether we're in agreement or not...I tend to agree with you on much.


There are different points of view on this.... some see virginity as never being touched below the belt...the whole Purity thing....some see virginity as a Hymen issue, never having been penetrated...though you can still have a little fun with other sexual touching.. THIS IS MY POSITION... people are free to feel however they may.. but one thing is certain, when we hear the word SEX.. when men deal with retroactive jealousy, they are thinking of the man PENETRATING the women..not so much hung up on some heavy petting or oral...

Clinton was married.. Clinton & Monica was doing something in secret, it was Overt sexual pleasing... WRONG.. .if I did that to my committed BF and we planned to marry, I wouldn't consider it wrong..(although the church would -- so there you go)... the church has brought the BLACK & WHITE thinking to all of this... which can cause repression in many people trying to shut off their hormones.. ya know, in Biblical days they married in their teens... this is NOT today.. so what does God expect, a young person to burn with lust all the way through college.. that seems insanity to me or they would marry very young and maybe it not be the right person.. 

I guess I have more modern thinking in this one.. My moral code is.. wait till 18... wait till it's a committed relationship ..and if the man gets her pregnant, live up to the responsibility... Vows to follow, if you don't love the girl that much, you shouldn't be going all the way.. My husband could have banged me at 18, he would have married me then, I wasn't ready. 

If a young girl gets pregnant by some guys semen filled rod, having an abortion to get rid of it... like it was a mistake.. I just don't think such a couple should be having intercourse, I am not sure how to shake that.. ya know. That's my own personal moral code, I guess..


----------



## SimplyAmorous

bestyet2be said:


> I sometimes wonder about this business of "all he was after?" Is this some kind of a myth? I can only think of one guy who claimed to be like that. Was he really even as magnetic to the women as he claimed? Of course different people travel in different circles...I'm sure I gravitate toward people who think like me.


 BestYet2Be.. I was reading your opening post on your thread.. from the way you sound to me, you are a great Guy who had a difficult time landing a woman, being it shyness, what not....the time it took...and a few attitudes TO YOU.. was a low blow...THAT YOU DIDN'T DESERVE... 

I have to wonder why that woman spoke like that to you, I bet she had prior experiences that made her THINK all men are similar and she threw it on you...

What you said here >>


> I went on one seemingly nice first date. We were walking on a nature path. I hadn't said anything sexual. I hadn't touched her. Out of the blue, she said, "You know you're not going to get what you want from me." Clearly she was talking about sex and appeared to have some pretty big issues. I can't remember if I even called her back, but I was thrown off by that.


 I agree, she had some issues, again, YOU didn't deserve that... Not all women who want to wait for Love has this attitude, please know this...

There is nothing wrong with waiting for the right time, when the woman is comfortable... doesn't the man have some play in this as well.. being honest with his emotions...his intentions... bringing on that comfort.. if he just Leaves her in the dust -because she didn't satisfy him sexually after so many dates, how would such a man look ? What is the hurry... can't we talk, talk a walk.. go out to eat.. learn of each other.. .it sounds you did the honorable thing.. 

So a man who can not give this much of himself - in assuring a woman...why should a woman trust such a man with her heart...(if she is one to not separate Love & sex that is...this is her right)..... it speaks volumes that He is mainly after ONE thing... and if he can't get it from her..she wasn't very special to begin with.... 

I think a couple needs to open up with each, take some time to get to know one another.. It's all in what people want.. I suppose.. BUt yeah...it's tough for the Introverted man.. my husband was one of these... but he wasn't looking to get laid...he was looking for the full package... some of us women want that type of man... but we can't tell early on... this takes a little time.. many people wear Masks in society, and those ugly red flags have a way of showing up --only after time has passed.

Is this reasonable?


----------



## Runs like Dog

The name of the thread is telling "you grant him permission...." you're the boss the gatekeeper. I bet if he turned you down the fist time you'd drop him like plutonium. And his response to your pushback was to wait for you to make the fist move you'd drop him almost as quickly. 

Everyone thinks they're a special snowflake. But they're not, not so much.


----------



## Dollystanford

I definitely think people would think twice about making the fist move so early on


----------



## WyshIknew




----------



## GettingIt_2

WyshIknew said:


>


Dear. God. WHAT IS THAT??? 

You are not in line, I hope . . .


----------



## WyshIknew

GettingIt said:


> Dear. God. WHAT IS THAT???
> 
> You are not in line, I hope . . .


It's actually a road traffic sign that means beware old people around, normally sited around old peoples homes.

Somebody noticed that if you looked at it the wrong way it could look rude.


----------



## WyshIknew

And if a man could contribute my wife made me wait approximately a week.


----------



## bestyet2be

SimplyAmorous: Wonderfully thought out post on sex and intimacy!!!!



SimplyAmorous said:


> ...if I did that to my committed BF and we planned to marry, I wouldn't consider it wrong..(although the church would -- so there you go)... the church has brought the BLACK & WHITE thinking to all of this... which can cause repression in many people...


Although I'm not religious, I understand the good and comfort religion brings to so many people. What I am not tolerant of is literal, fundamentalist thinking, which I feel destroys some of the best good. Those judgmental, intolerant attitudes seem so in opposition to my understanding of what Christianity should be. And I think the damage of fundamentalism is similarly bad in other religions.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

bestyet2be said:


> SimplyAmorous: Wonderfully thought out post on sex and intimacy!!!!
> 
> Although I'm not religious, I understand the good and comfort religion brings to so many people. * What I am not tolerant of is literal, fundamentalist thinking, which I feel destroys some of the best good. Those judgmental, intolerant attitudes seem so in opposition to my understanding of what Christianity should be. And I think the damage of fundamentalism is similarly bad in other religions.*


 I agree with your every thought here Bestyet2be ...I will never call myself a christian again (even though many of our friends are)...because of what you just said... couldn't hang with it.... I do like to debate a fundamentalist now & then though ... I end up getting told I am going to hell, they will pray for me..it's always entertaining.


----------



## bestyet2be

SimplyAmorous said:


> BestYet2Be.. I was reading your opening post on your thread.. from the way you sound to me, you are a great Guy who had a difficult time landing a woman, being it shyness, what not....the time it took...and a few attitudes TO YOU.. was a low blow...THAT YOU DIDN'T DESERVE...
> 
> I have to wonder why that woman spoke like that to you, I bet she had prior experiences that made her THINK all men are similar and she threw it on you...


Some of that stuff I wrote, I'd nearly forgotten, and it only came back to me in detail as I started writing. That particular memory bothered me, because I surely should have been inclined to give the benefit of the doubt and patiently understand where it was coming from. Maybe there were other problems, or maybe she didn't even return my call?

I first got into TAM while trying to improve some things in my marriage, but the more I learned about the terrible problems so many people are struggling with, the more I felt ashamed to fuss about my little ones.

Then, as I read, I found myself thinking more and more about the trauma of my young adult single years. Maybe I'm finally coming to closure, to where I can just laugh at those old stories. Maybe I'll go back to that thread and elaborate. (continued)


----------



## samyeagar

You know, it just clicked with me...just the very phrasing of the question assumes women being the sexual gatekeeper. I know this question was directed towards women, but the assumption from the very beginning is that it is the woman who makes the man wait...hmmm...


----------



## bestyet2be

samyeagar said:


> You know, it just clicked with me...just the very phrasing of the question assumes women being the sexual gatekeeper. I know this question was directed towards women, but the assumption from the very beginning is that it is the woman who makes the man wait...hmmm...


Well, look at it this way: If we were born in China, coming of age now, in addition to all of our older male relatives having the outdated, false attitude that as men we are the the gatekeepers, or whatever, due to the reactions to the one child policy and the resulting shortage of women, attitudes like this would be a lot worse. As I recall from anthropology, when there's a shortage of women (actually not that common) a tradition of "groom service" evolves (sort of the opposite of dowry), where young men have to go work for their future in-laws families for a few years before being allowed to have the daughter.


----------



## Random_Girl

I haven't read many replies so I'm not sure this is still the topic of discussion. But, I did wait a lot longer with my husband than I had with previous boyfriends. I never waited until I was 'in love' with my earlier relationships and I wanted to do that this time. 

It was worth it.


----------



## bestyet2be

SimplyAmorous said:


> I agree with your every thought here Bestyet2be ...I will never call myself a christian again (even though many of our friends are)...because of what you just said... couldn't hang with it.... I do like to debate a fundamentalist now & then though ... I end up getting told I am going to hell, they will pray for me..it's always entertaining.


You also mentioned abortion. Sad as abortion is, the fundamentalists are certainly pushing their views of life one everyone else. Late term abortion hasn't generally been allowed, but now there's a big push to call "mid-term" "late-term" and further reduce the options for legal abortions. At one of the ultra-sound tests when my wife was pregnant, the specialist doctor came in visibly shaken with a sick look on her face. She said, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long, but my last appointment went very badly." It was bone chilling!!! Had we received some terrible news of deformities, I'm glad that we had the option of abortion. There's a famous bumper sticker: "Abortion stops...a beating heart." I saw a wonderful adaptation of that bumper sticker: "Fundamentalism stops...a thinking mind."


----------



## bestyet2be

Random_Girl said:


> ...I did wait a lot longer with my husband than I had with previous boyfriends. I never waited until I was 'in love' with my earlier relationships and I wanted to do that this time.
> 
> It was worth it.


Well, I guess you could say "it was worth it," unless your husband views your decision as a reflection of your attraction to him as marginal, compared to your attraction to the others, which I could imagine as a source of problems, but not necessarily...?


----------



## Random_Girl

bestyet2be said:


> Well, I guess you could say "it was worth it," unless your husband views your decision as a reflection of your attraction to him as marginal, compared to your attraction to the others, which I could imagine as a source of problems, but not necessarily...?


Fortunately this was not a problem in our relationship, but I could see that causing a problem for some. It was actually a lot easier for us to wait because he lived in another state for the first six months, so I think we waited about three months once he came back. I felt pressured in earlier relationships to have sex early on, it was never to do with the level of attraction. 

We have a great sex life, I don't think it caused any problems or insecurity for him. But now I'm curious, maybe I'll ask...


----------



## reesespieces

My husband and I didn't have sex until more than 3 years later. I know, crazy! Looking back I would have liked to get married earlier but my family insisted on some stupid big wedding that needed "time to plan" (rolls eyes).

I'm also one of those "fundamentalists" who believes sex is reserved for marriage. I'm not repressed. I'm not a Puritanical or Victorian thinker. Hasn't stopped my mind from thinking, either!


----------



## loopy lu

I dont make anyone wait for sex. I kinda test them out first, see if there's a connection that's worth turning into a relationship. Im very sexual and not bothered by any '3 date rule'. If I want to sleep with someone, I do. 

H and I were friends for 2 years, but I was attached to someone else. When I was going through my breakup from a 4 year relationship, he suggested we go for some drinks as mates and just get blotto. 

we didnt really get blotto, but we ended up falling into bed. 

We 'saw' each other a couple more times but he refused to start a relationship, worried I was on the rebound (I totally was).

We hooked up again a few months later after I had dated around a bit and never really looked back. 

Married 8 years, together 13, 3 children now.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

bestyet2be said:


> You also mentioned abortion. Sad as abortion is, the fundamentalists are certainly pushing their views of life one everyone else. Late term abortion hasn't generally been allowed, but now there's a big push to call "mid-term" "late-term" and further reduce the options for legal abortions. At one of the ultra-sound tests when my wife was pregnant, the specialist doctor came in visibly shaken with a sick look on her face. She said, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long, but my last appointment went very badly." It was bone chilling!!! * Had we received some terrible news of deformities, I'm glad that we had the option of abortion.* There's a famous bumper sticker: "Abortion stops...a beating heart." I saw a wonderful adaptation of that bumper sticker:
> 
> *"Fundamentalism stops...a thinking mind."*


 I LIKE THAT ....very true...

.. I purposely asked for a level 3 sonogram traveling to a big city hospital for our last 2 babies...since I was over the age of 35...& the risks go up... the results came back ...my risk was as low as a Mother in her 20's...so I stopped.... but if not, I would have had an AMNIO and possibly aborted .

If others want to judge me/ us .. that's fine.. husband and me was on the same page..I wouldn't march in the streets against abortion... I may speak out against casual sex (to avoid more senseless abortions, that's true) .. but if all those babies were born.. OH MY [email protected]#$% 

However (for me)...if I was raped I'd like to think I would give the child up for adoption -but I could understand any girl who'd want that aborted (Oh my yes!).... I wouldn't be able to do it ... IF I made the mistake sleeping with a guy too fast & he threw me away though... I do believe I would carry that baby to term...as he/she would have a good chance at a normal life -even if I gave such a baby up for adoption.


----------



## reesespieces

SimplyAmorous said:


> Do you fall into thinking like this* >>*
> 
> Example:
> 
> 
> Not every believer who honors their faith would I consider a Fundamentalist...though some may use that term.....I think the closest I personally know is my Aunt..she means well but she's too much... I have gotten her to admit to me, if GOD TOLD HER SO, she would stone her children, she is so hell bent on a scripture passage, and how she feels it is interpreted, it's like she blows reason to the wind...
> 
> A believer who can see merit and some soundness with questioning - is not a Fundamentalist...and of course there is varying degrees of it..
> 
> If a true Fundamentalist started hanging on TAM and spouting his/her views-feeling they need to "save" the world, present the Gospel... they would get verbally slaughtered here by others.. for being so narrow minded..this does NOT appear you Reesespieces...you simply sound like one who walks her beliefs.. .and lives honorably as much as you can...
> 
> Good for you!


I actually don't believe the Bible is literal, and I have a more nuanced view of it. I definitely don't go around Bible thumping-- that actually makes me rather upset. However, because of my views regarding marriage, the way I defer to my husband, my views on life issues, and the like people often say I'm fundamentalist. It's sort of a joke really because then people find out I am not what they think  When people ask about my beliefs, I DO share but I don't go out of my way to tell people they are going to go to hell if they aren't saved. Only God knows this. 

People are often shocked by my views on sexual passion, the human body, and love. But I think ANYONE can have those views, regardless of religious beliefs. Sometimes people can be so silly! LOL


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## Caribbean Man

reesespieces said:


> I actually don't believe the Bible is literal, and I have a more nuanced view of it. I definitely don't go around Bible thumping-- that actually makes me rather upset. However, because of my views regarding marriage, the way I defer to my husband, my views on life issues, and the like people often say I'm fundamentalist. It's sort of a joke really because then people find out I am not what they think  When people ask about my beliefs, I DO share but I don't go out of my way to tell people they are going to go to hell if they aren't saved. Only God knows this.
> 
> People are often shocked by my views on sexual passion, the human body, and love. But I think ANYONE can have those views, regardless of religious beliefs. Sometimes people can be so silly! LOL



I agree and can identify with everything you said here^^^. 
I haven't been to church in more than a decade, my wife attends church regularly . She is a very passionate and highly sexual woman, in bed and outside of the bedroom.

People seem to have this negative stereotype of people who attend church...
It's really silly, and I laugh to myself whenever I see the innuendoes and references.
Human beings are multifaceted and very complex .


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