# Wifes Brother



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Any tips would be appreciated. 

My wife got the call this morning that her brother has been admitted in ICU again for uncontrolled diabetes. This is the second ICU stay in 3 years. His blood sugar spiked at 871 at the ER. According to his roommate, he appeared extremely intoxicated even though he saw no open containers to suggest he was drinking and he had a bottle of soda by him along with junk food. He called 911 and he passed out before they arrived. 

Her other brother lives in the same city. They regularly go out on weekends to a bar, restaurant, or wherever. My wife tells both of them that you need to understand how serious this condition is and if you stay on this path, you will die a premature death before you hit 50 as he is 44 right now. Her other brother has a dismissive attitude saying he is his own man and he doesn't have to drink or eat anything when we go out. She argues back that he is our brother and you should not be putting him into situations that will aggravate this. 

After his last stay, doctors told him that his heart has been weakened from frequent blood sugar spikes and he needs to make drastic changes now. But he made no changes and has gained about 90lbs since his first stay.

My wife says she feels completely helpless. She knows how serious this is but doesn't know if there's anything she can do and feels like she will be attending his funeral in the next few years and maybe much sooner. He is in a diabetic coma right now.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
Her brother is an adult, and has to make his own choices. If this bout in the ER doesn't scare him to get better, nothing will, and she is right -- he will die young. BUT he should realize he may not die before they lop off his foot, or leg, or.....

871 is HUGE for sugar -- should be below 125.... No wonder he is in a coma.

IF you can get him to read anything about this, have him look up books by Dr. Bernstein:








Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution: The Complete Guide to Achieving Normal Blood Sugars: Bernstein MD, Richard K.: 8601400129777: Amazon.com: Books


Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution: The Complete Guide to Achieving Normal Blood Sugars [Bernstein MD, Richard K.] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Dr. Bernstein's Diabetes Solution: The Complete Guide to Achieving Normal Blood Sugars



www.amazon.com





BUT HE has to do the work.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Any tips would be appreciated.
> 
> My wife got the call this morning that her brother has been admitted in ICU again for uncontrolled diabetes. This is the second ICU stay in 3 years. His blood sugar spiked at 871 at the ER. According to his roommate, he appeared extremely intoxicated even though he saw no open containers to suggest he was drinking and he had a bottle of soda by him along with junk food. He called 911 and he passed out before they arrived.
> 
> ...


I hope he comes out of his coma.
He may need the help of a diabetic nutritionist that can help him have a diet that doesn't have spikes of blood sugar.
I do know that Swedish researchers noted that the willingness to walk 1/2 hour per day can do a lot to control blood sugar.
Walking Your Way to Health - Study Says One Hour a Day Will Do It - Diabetes Health 

His mental state may have declined, due to his diabetes, so he may need you and your wife to do all the work in setting things up for him if he is willing to change his lifestyle.
However, there really isn't much you can do if he isn't willing to step up and make those changes. As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. 

Does he like iced tea? I have an iced tea recipe with nearly zero carbs that he can drink instead of all the pop and sugary drinks that I can post here, if you think it might be useful.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

jlg07 said:


> You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
> Her brother is an adult, and has to make his own choices. If this bout in the ER doesn't scare him to get better, nothing will, and she is right -- he will die young. BUT he should realize he may not die before they lop off his foot, or leg, or.....
> 
> 871 is HUGE for sugar -- should be below 125.... No wonder he is in a coma.


He has developed neuropathy in his legs from the condition. He can still walk but his legs look bad. 

I really feel bad for her. She doesn't talk about it like she used to. But I think she has been trying to emotionally disconnect herself over the last year in preparation of hearing he pased away.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> He has developed neuropathy in his legs from the condition. He can still walk but his legs look bad.
> 
> I really feel bad for her. She doesn't talk about it like she used to. But I think she has been trying to emotionally disconnect herself over the last year in preparation of hearing he pased away.


This iced tea recipe has all the taste and none of the calories.
It only costs about 50 cents to make as well.

I figured out how to make calorie free iced tea.
3 litres water.
3 tea bags.
2 teaspoons real lemon.
1 2/3 tablespoons Mio lemon.
Bring water to boil.
Throw in teabags and let them simmer for an hour.
Add real Lemon and Mio to a pitcher, before filling it with the tea.
Let it cool.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

jonty30 said:


> I hope he comes out of his coma.
> He may need the help of a diabetic nutritionist that can help him have a diet that doesn't have spikes of blood sugar.
> I do know that Swedish researchers noted that the willingness to walk 1/2 hour per day can do a lot to control blood sugar.
> Walking Your Way to Health - Study Says One Hour a Day Will Do It - Diabetes Health
> ...


I would love the recipe.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I would love the recipe.


Look at the post above the one you made. 
I can honestly say that it has the full body weight of a sugary iced tea, with almost no calories. 
The only calories would be in the 2 teaspoons of Real Lemon, which is like 3 calories.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You can’t do the work for someone that won’t do it themselves. 

jonty30 has a recipe that probably taste like heaven but you will never get an uninterested person to make it. People have to help themselves… we can’t drink it for him.

Unfortunately as true as that may be it will never ease the pain your wife is having watching her brother kill himself. 

Buy a suit and get your wife a dark dress.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Alcohol is bad for serious diabetics. In some it LOWERS the blood sugar, and you go into a low glucose coma.
But it is unpredictable, in this guy's case his sugars spiked.

If you want to help, get him one of those *Freestyle Libre wireless blood glucose monitors. * They have a free 14 day trial. That way at least he can self-educate about foods/exercise/blood sugar levels and how they interact.

But face it, if he is hitting 871 for a blood sugar level....he is probably going to be leaving this green earth pretty soon. that is simply unsustainable. He will lose a liver or kidney, or end up with bits of his feet cut off.

They do have insulin pumps for people who have uncontrolled diabetes. Expensive, but will probably buy him a few extra years of life....

a guy with those high blood sugars should not be eating junk food.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

jonty30 said:


> This iced tea recipe has all the taste and none of the calories.
> It only costs about 50 cents to make as well.
> 
> I figured out how to make calorie free iced tea.
> ...


That sound amazing… I took a screenshot and I’m going to try it when I get home 👌


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

I was at 880 once before we realized I had diabetes. We had no idea what was wrong with me.
It was a horrible place mentally. I was apathetic, unresponsive, and slept like 18-20 hrs per day.
I was only awake to eat & drink more sugar.

Now 18 years later I'm healthy and in control.

But to everyone's point, I WANTED to change and fix it immediately once we knew the diagnosis.

Nowadays there are so so many low carb, zero sugar options that chances of having diabetes in control are much better than decades ago, and the food is not at all horrible.
My wife has a stack of awesome recipes that I love but are friendly to my sugar.
And you can have all the steak you want! Woo Hoo!

But yes, he has to want to change first or it will never happen.
Even today I'd love to sneak a Twinky or Cupcake. Except I won't touch that slippery slope.
I have a deathbed wish already in place with my wife: bring me a cup of coffee and a brown sugar cinnamon toaster pastry. I used to love those.

I'm really sorry OP, I hope he recovers and can be guided to a better happier life.

note: my meter just alerted and told me I should eat something before I die, so off I go.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I was at 880 once before we realized I had diabetes. We had no idea what was wrong with me.
> It was a horrible place mentally. I was apathetic, unresponsive, and slept like 18-20 hrs per day.
> I was only awake to eat & drink more sugar.
> 
> ...


the tells are there, if you knew about them.

if you are urinating twice an hour.....drinking gallons of liquids because you are thirsty all the time....tired....blurred vision (since your eye lenses are filling up with sugar and distorting).....

you can buy cheap test strips at a pharmacy. You pee on them, wait 10 seconds, and look at the color. If you are severly diabetic, your urine will be full of sugar, and show up on the test.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> the tells are there, if you knew about them.
> 
> if you are urinating twice an hour.....drinking gallons of liquids because you are thirsty all the time....tired....blurred vision (since your eye lenses are filling up with sugar and distorting).....
> 
> you can buy cheap test strips at a pharmacy. You pee on them, wait 10 seconds, and look at the color. If you are severly diabetic, your urine will be full of sugar, and show up on the test.


I had all of those symptoms. But I was an idiot and didn't know what was happening.
The biggest issue was that I went on steroids for another issue so it all of those symptoms came on really fast (a day or three).
As you probably know, steroids & diabetics often don't go together very well.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

She took a plane and just got over to the hospital within the last two hours. I leave later on this afternoon to join as I told her dont wait for me, just go and I will get there asap. 

She said he is in terrible condition. He has gained a lot more weight, sores on his legs, and edema all over his body. They are working on getting the sugar down. But they painted a grim picture. He has poor circulation in both legs due to multiple blood clots. They said clotting like this is due to inactivity like sitting all day or laying in bed for most of the day. The edema is more than likely due to heart failure and the heart struggling to circulate blood, but getting his sugar down is main priority right now. 

They are saying if he pulls through, he might be looking at amputation of the right leg, cognitive damage from an extreme sugar spike like this, and more than likely months of rehab along with drastic changes in diet/lifestyle and the addition of a insulin pump..... His diabetes tester stores records and it has not been under 275 for the last 14 days.

The ICU nurse said she thought the 871 sugar reading was a mistake on the chart. She said in her 11 years as a nurse, she has never seen a sugar reading that high. The highest ever was in the upper 600s.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> My wife says she feels completely helpless. She knows how serious this is but doesn't know if there's anything she can do and feels like she will be attending his funeral in the next few years and maybe much sooner. He is in a diabetic coma right now.


I am so sorry. It is so hard to watch someone do that to themselves. And there's not anything at all your poor wife can do, because her brother is the only one who can make this stop. I'm sure it's killing her to want to help and in this situation, all she can do is be there and watch it happen. Poor thing, I really feel for her. 😟


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Any tips would be appreciated.
> 
> My wife got the call this morning that her brother has been admitted in ICU again for uncontrolled diabetes. This is the second ICU stay in 3 years. His blood sugar spiked at 871 at the ER. .....
> 
> ....My wife says she feels completely helpless. She knows how serious this is but doesn't know if there's anything she can do and feels like she will be attending his funeral in the next few years and maybe much sooner. He is in a diabetic coma right now.


Your wife is not her brother's keeper. Keep repeating that, and have her repeat that phrase again and again.

You can really only save someone who wants to be saved. It is not your fault nor your responsibility, to keep an adult from making bad lifestyle choices.

Yes you can have an intervention, you can take him to AA meetings, you can offer to go for walks with him to get him to exercise. but ultimately, he needs to want to do those things as well. 

Perhaps the best thing would be an intervention where you sit him down with an attorney and have him draw up his will and appoint someone who will pull the plug on his life when asked permission by a medical professional. Ask him how he is going to pay for his funeral and final hospital bills, or does he want to dump that problem on his next of kin? Make him realized and put in writing the likely outcome of his behavior. Of course, I would expect him to walk out of such a meeting, but at least you could say you and your wife tried.

Good luck. I really don't think there is anything you can do, unless he wants help.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> Ask him how he is going to pay for his funeral and final hospital bills, or does he want to dump that problem on his next of kin?


I like your post and your approach, but a small point of fact is that creditors cannot assign debts to relatives, except maybe for spouses or to parents of minor children(not an expert).

There is a life insurance commercial which tells you that your relatives will get stuck w/ your funeral expenses if you don't have the money. If they elect to have a funeral, then yes, but the idea that they will get blindsided by it is not true.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Young at Heart said:


> Your wife is not her brother's keeper. Keep repeating that, and have her repeat that phrase again and again.
> 
> You can really only save someone who wants to be saved. It is not your fault nor your responsibility, to keep an adult from making bad lifestyle choices.
> 
> ...


At first I thought you were being an azz. But emotions are running high for everyone and I realize you are not being an azz. But what you are saying is correct. We can love someone and try our absolute hardest, but they have to want help. 

I don't know if it was depression, pride, pity or what. He was a fairly active person and had his own landscaping business to which he seemed to be doing great at. He started getting tired, really thirsty, and was diagnosed with diabetes. He kept trying to push forward but slowly declined to where he sold his business because he couldn't do it anymore. He just kept saying over time that I am fine, I am managing. My wife would call and talk to him and she didnt nag him, but encouraged him, sent him information and she suggested an insulin pump. He said I can't afford it to which she said we will pay full cost along with monthly insulin if needed. His response was that he would look into it and never did.

My wife and I have a wonderful marriage. But I am not going to say anything to her like he brought this on himself which I believe he did. That would land me in ICU 😆 if I am lucky 🤣. All I can do is be there later tonight and hope for the best.... If he pulls through and makes it home. I think he is going to face the wrath of his sister who will lay a major dose of reality on him.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Any tips would be appreciated.
> 
> My wife got the call this morning that her brother has been admitted in ICU again for uncontrolled diabetes. This is the second ICU stay in 3 years. His blood sugar spiked at 871 at the ER. According to his roommate, he appeared extremely intoxicated even though he saw no open containers to suggest he was drinking and he had a bottle of soda by him along with junk food. He called 911 and he passed out before they arrived.
> 
> ...


First of all, someone in a diabetic crisis often looks very impaired as if drunk but that doesn't mean they are. They get shaky in we can pass out or if they're driving they start swerving all over the road. 

There's nothing you can do about him though. It's his choices. Honestly he sounds too far gone to be able to do much about.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I hope your BIL recovers but, unfortunately, there’s very likely nothing your wife can do to help with this unless that’s what he wants.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> I hope he comes out of his coma.
> He may need the help of a diabetic nutritionist that can help him have a diet that doesn't have spikes of blood sugar.
> I do know that Swedish researchers noted that the willingness to walk 1/2 hour per day can do a lot to control blood sugar.
> Walking Your Way to Health - Study Says One Hour a Day Will Do It - Diabetes Health
> ...


It sounds as if he isn't interested in eating healthily though. He is in his 40's and most people would have totally changed their lifestyle after being so very ill and in the ICU just once. Lets hope that after the second time he will do what is needed.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

high blood sugar brings on depression, and a kind of fatalist acceptance of dying.

my brother had that sort of attitude, he did not have health care, had congestive heart failure and bad diabetes. I had to drag him to the ER room at the hospital i go to. turned out they had a program set up for severely sick but poor people, and in that on day at the ER, the doctor schedules a bunch of tests, and came up with some solutions. he lived on anther ten years after that. Had i not intervened, he would have passed within a few months. 

So, busting up the depression and sense of hopelessness, and getting a valid treatment plan, is pretty critical.

one thing that will hamper his recovery, his kidneys are probably shot. a lot of the super antibiotics they can give him will possibly make his kidney fail totally. so they have to do a tight rope walk...treating his infections in his leg, without killing him with the drugs.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> It sounds as if he isn't interested in eating healthily though. He is in his 40's and most people would have totally changed their lifestyle after being so very ill and in the ICU just once. Lets hope that after the second time he will do what is needed.


It isn't enough to expect somebody to change, if they don't have the knowledge of what to do or how to go about it. It's like telling a school child to study harder for good grades if they are missing the knowledge of how to study in the first place. 
He may need the services of a nutritionist and dietician that specializes in diabetes who can give him a week-long diet that will help keep his blood sugar stable if he just follows the diet, as well as perhaps somebody who will help him cook the meals maybe the first go around just to ensure he has the skills to follow the diet.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> It isn't enough to expect somebody to change, if they don't have the knowledge of what to do or how to go about it. It's like telling a school child to study harder for good grades if they are missing the knowledge of how to study in the first place.
> He may need the services of a nutritionist and dietician that specializes in diabetes who can give him a week-long diet that will help keep his blood sugar stable if he just follows the diet, as well as perhaps somebody who will help him cook the meals maybe the first go around just to ensure he has the skills to follow the diet.


Mr D has diabetes. Surely we all know that diabetics should eat healthily, keep weight down, avoid fast foods and takeaways, exercise etc etc, but the person has to want to do it and take responsibility for these things. 
I am pretty sure this guy knows these things, I am sure his sister has told him as well.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Mr D has diabetes. Surely we all know that diabetics should eat healthily, keep weight down, avoid fast foods and takeaways, exercise etc etc, but the person has to want to do it and take responsibility for these things.
> I am pretty sure this guy knows these things, I am sure his sister has told him as well.


It's general knowledge that a person should do all those things, but specifics can be hard to come by for some people. 
It's one thing to say this is how he should live, but it's another thing for him to learn to live how he should live. 
I'm not removing responsibility from him to do those things. He just may need the help to do those things through a first run. 
Diabetes is also progressive on the mind as well. It's possible he might be missing some IQ having had Diabetes for so long. 

If he has been shown how to live and he refuses to follow through, that's all on him.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I made it up here and she was with other family members. The family asked the doctors to just give it to them straight after more testing. The doctors said he has blood in urine due to kidney infection and likely kidney damage. He is severely dehydrated, an echo test of the heart shows the heart is damaged and he has pretty bad arithmeia (think thats how you spell it).The only good news is that his blood sugar is coming down and was 610 which is going in the right direction but still dangerous. They are extremely worried about the multiple blood clots in his legs breaking free and leading to an embolism. His blood is very thickened but any blood thinners will probably break the clots free and kill him, and he is not in any condition for surgical removal. They said we are going to do everything we can, we are giving him appropriate level pain killers to ensure he is not suffering, but we are surprised he has survived this long.

They said if he has any other loved ones, or a pastor, now is the time to bring them. We will make exceptions to visitation policy in a case like this. But we don't expect him to get through the night.

Her sister and I were talking. She told me my wife let loose on her other brother while in tears. Lot of cussing and saying why in the hell would you take him to bars and other places knowing he has a major medical problem, knowing he is declining. He apparently was very smug like and said well, I didn't make him eat or drink anything, he had a choice and made it. She yelled do you even care? That is our phucking blood in there and you can go phuck yourself and then stormed off and left somewhere 

I am not even sure why I am here. No one including me knows where she is or can get a hold of her.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I made it up here and she was with other family members. The family asked the doctors to just give it to them straight after more testing. The doctors said he has blood in urine due to kidney infection and likely kidney damage. He is severely dehydrated, an echo test of the heart shows the heart is damaged and he has pretty bad arithmeia (think thats how you spell it).The only good news is that his blood sugar is coming down and was 610 which is going in the right direction but still dangerous. They are extremely worried about the multiple blood clots in his legs breaking free and leading to an embolism. His blood is very thickened but any blood thinners will probably break the clots free and kill him, and he is not in any condition for surgical removal. They said we are going to do everything we can, we are giving him appropriate level pain killers to ensure he is not suffering, but we are surprised he has survived this long.
> 
> They said if he has any other loved ones, or a pastor, now is the time to bring them. We will make exceptions to visitation policy in a case like this. But we don't expect him to get through the night.
> 
> ...


If he does go, I'm sorry for your loss.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’m sorry to hear that it’s reached that point.

Her other brother … well, that’s another story.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’m sure she’ll be back as soon as she gets her emotions under control a little after the “discussion” with the other brother.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She is blaming her other brother, and he certainly didn't help but in the end it was 
the brothers responsibility to do the right things to help himself and sadly he didn't. That was his choice in the end. 
He must have been abusing his body for many many years to get to that state at quite a young age despite knowing that he would almost certainly die young. 

Very sad but there is only so much you can do to help another person. 

I hope your wife comes back soon.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> She is blaming her other brother, and he certainly didn't help but in the end it was
> the brothers responsibility to do the right things to help himself and sadly he didn't. That was his choice in the end.
> He must have been abusing his body for many many years to get to that state at quite a young age despite knowing that he would almost certainly die young.
> 
> ...


The doctors said this isn't something that happens in a day or even 6 months. It appears he was doing nothing for his condition. He has very few insulin refills over the last 18 months. 

He made it through the night but he is still unresponsive and they arent fully sure if he will even wake up.


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> The doctors said this isn't something that happens in a day or even 6 months. It appears he was doing nothing for his condition. He has very few insulin refills over the last 18 months.
> 
> He made it through the night but he is still unresponsive and they arent fully sure if he will even wake up.


How is your wife doing? How are you doing?


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

TexasMom1216 said:


> How is your wife doing? How are you doing?


I am doing ok myself. She eventually came back. Its hit or miss with her. She started apologizing and was quickly told she has nothing to apologize for. Her other brother and her aren't speaking which I think is good for now. 

Fortunately he doesn't have a wife or children that have to go through the pain of this. He is Catholic and a priest came for prayer. The only thing doctors can assure us of, is that he is not in any pain.


----------



## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

I'm sorry but it sounds like he's unwilling to make the lifestyle changes necessary to fix this condition. A diet change and exercise would likely prevent this. I don't think there's anything you or your wife can do. Most people these days aren't willing to do the work. They just want a pill.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

not to sound heartless, but while the brother is still lucid....have you discussed how he wants things to end? 
Does he want a "do not resuscitate" order? Does he have a recent will made out? What does he want for services, etc? Any personal momentos he wants specific people to receive? Is an executor designated (assuming he has some property). 

my brother kicked off relatively suddenly from diabetes complications, and we were surprised he did not have a will! Complete lack of planning. It set off some interesting conflicts with his immediate family.....that could have been EASILY avoided.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Talker67 said:


> not to sound heartless, but while the brother is still lucid....have you discussed how he wants things to end?
> Does he want a "do not resuscitate" order? Does he have a recent will made out? What does he want for services, etc? Any personal momentos he wants specific people to receive? Is an executor designated (assuming he has some property).
> 
> my brother kicked off relatively suddenly from diabetes complications, and we were surprised he did not have a will! Complete lack of planning. It set off some interesting conflicts with his immediate family.....that could have been EASILY avoided.


He is still unresponsive and unconscious. His blood sugar has come down a lot since last night. But the doctors are not optimistic at all seeing that he hasnt regained any consciousness. 

They are worried about what his mental condition will be like if he does wake up. They explained that the high blood sugar negatively affects just about everything in the body. 

We talked to his roommate and said we aren't blaming you or holding you to anything. But we asked him about habits and he said he mostly kept to himself sitting on the sofa most of the day watching tv, eating something, or sleeping.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> He is still unresponsive and unconscious. His blood sugar has come down a lot since last night. But the doctors are not optimistic at all seeing that he hasnt regained any consciousness.
> 
> They are worried about what his mental condition will be like if he does wake up. They explained that the high blood sugar negatively affects just about everything in the body.
> 
> We talked to his roommate and said we aren't blaming you or holding you to anything. But we asked him about habits and he said he mostly kept to himself sitting on the sofa most of the day watching tv, eating something, or sleeping.


Sorry to here this, I had hoped he would regain consciousness by now.
Blood sugar takes a while (few days) to return to normal when it's that high and the affects linger even longer.

High sugar does impact all of the body organs negatively, and sustained high sugar can cause permanent, irreversible damage. I'm sure you know all this by now unfortunately.

I hope the best for your wife & brother and sorry you are going through this.
It's especially hard when you realize people do this to themselves. It doesn't make any sense at all.

Take care of your family sir. Best of luck to you.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> He is still unresponsive and unconscious. His blood sugar has come down a lot since last night. But the doctors are not optimistic at all seeing that he hasnt regained any consciousness.
> 
> They are worried about what his mental condition will be like if he does wake up. They explained that the high blood sugar negatively affects just about everything in the body.
> 
> We talked to his roommate and said we aren't blaming you or holding you to anything. But we asked him about habits and he said he mostly kept to himself sitting on the sofa most of the day watching tv, eating something, or sleeping.


Diabetes turns the blood acidic, which is why you get systematic breakdown of the body over time. It's literally dissolving within. 
It's a cold weather adaption from more primitive times, but not necessary in today's world.


----------



## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

This is just sad all around.
@ThatDarnGuy! I hope the brother is able to come out of this despite the bad prognosis and is able to recover and see that his life is worth living. 🙏


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> The doctors said this isn't something that happens in a day or even 6 months. It appears he was doing nothing for his condition. He has very few insulin refills over the last 18 months.
> 
> He made it through the night but he is still unresponsive and they arent fully sure if he will even wake up.


Yes it sounds as if was abusing his body for many many years. Very sad.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> Diabetes turns the blood acidic, which is why you get systematic breakdown of the body over time. It's literally dissolving within.
> It's a cold weather adaption from more primitive times, but not necessary in today's world.


That's why it's so important to keep it under control.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> He is still unresponsive and unconscious. His blood sugar has come down a lot since last night. But the doctors are not optimistic at all seeing that he hasnt regained any consciousness.
> 
> They are worried about what his mental condition will be like if he does wake up. They explained that the high blood sugar negatively affects just about everything in the body.
> 
> We talked to his roommate and said we aren't blaming you or holding you to anything. But we asked him about habits and he said he mostly kept to himself sitting on the sofa most of the day watching tv, eating something, or sleeping.


Just the worst way for him to live. ☹


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> That's why it's so important to keep it under control.


My mom and my aunt are test cases to your point. My mom and her have diabetes, although my aunt has since passed on.
My mom is very strict about her maintenance and she's a fairly spry 85 year old.
My aunt, towards her death, ended up losing about 4" in height and she ended up extremely disabled because she did almost no maintenance for her condition.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

What an absolutely chitty Friday night. Sadly he just passed within the last hour. Most of us were walking to get some coffee and a snack and "code blue response team needed to ICU room xxx" was announced. The wife and her sister just break down right there. We rush up there and can hear the chaos and naturally told to go to the waiting room. About 25 minutes later 2 doctors told a nurse come in. They said he went into sudden cardiac arrest. We immediately began cpr and after a few tries with the defibrillator, we got his heart going again. But within a couple of minutes it stopped again. We tried everything we could but could not revive him. My wife at this point said I just need to be alone and go walking and I will be let you know when I am ready.

Me and her sister talked to the doctors for a little while. They said it was amazing that he made it this far. They said even if they were able to get his blood sugar down and he regained consciousness, he probably wouldn't be the same. And he had multiple obstacles to overcome including extensive heart damage, kidney damage, and most likely a leg amputation. The infection in his body was also pretty bad and the thickened blood was complicating treatment. 

Her other brother spoke up and said so his poor choices led to this. The doctors both took turns explaining this part. They said yes, poor diet, lack of exercise, and insulin monitoring absolutely led to this outcome, but you need to understand something. From what we were told, diabetes runs in your family. It is a progressive condition that affects every system in the body including your cognitive function and decision making. In his case we have no doubts that he suffered cognitive decline. He probably was not fully able to understand that his behaviors were doing this to him. And oftentimes blood sugar spikes like this lead to mental symptoms like depression, anxiety, combative behavior, slow thinking, and slow reactions which makes it that much more difficult for a person to make sound decisions about this condition 

Out of respect I did not say anything to her other brother. But he has had this self righteous attitude of its all about personal responsibility all day. At one point my wifes sister looked at him and said you know, you might one day have a medical emergency and need help from others. His response was, ha ha that is why I have health insurance that includes a home care option. You have to plan for these things in life.

But I am just sitting here right now not knowing when she will call or where she is. I will respect her wish that she just wants to be alone for a while..... They were all close growing up and I only can imagine how she is feeling.


----------



## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> What an absolutely chitty Friday night. Sadly he just passed within the last hour. Most of us were walking to get some coffee and a snack and "code blue response team needed to ICU room xxx" was announced. The wife and her sister just break down right there. We rush up there and can hear the chaos and naturally told to go to the waiting room. About 25 minutes later 2 doctors told a nurse come in. They said he went into sudden cardiac arrest. We immediately began cpr and after a few tries with the defibrillator, we got his heart going again. But within a couple of minutes it stopped again. We tried everything we could but could not revive him. My wife at this point said I just need to be alone and go walking and I will be let you know when I am ready.
> 
> Me and her sister talked to the doctors for a little while. They said it was amazing that he made it this far. They said even if they were able to get his blood sugar down and he regained consciousness, he probably wouldn't be the same. And he had multiple obstacles to overcome including extensive heart damage, kidney damage, and most likely a leg amputation. The infection in his body was also pretty bad and the thickened blood was complicating treatment.
> 
> ...


Honestly, that brother sounds like he was actually jealous of his brother at an earlier in point in life, but is now contemptuous because things turned out better for him in the long run.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sorry that it turned out this way but if he had come out of it his quality of life probably wouldn’t have been what he wanted. The other brother sounds less than ideal. Most families have one, unfortunately.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> What an absolutely chitty Friday night. Sadly he just passed within the last hour. Most of us were walking to get some coffee and a snack and "code blue response team needed to ICU room xxx" was announced. The wife and her sister just break down right there. We rush up there and can hear the chaos and naturally told to go to the waiting room. About 25 minutes later 2 doctors told a nurse come in. They said he went into sudden cardiac arrest. We immediately began cpr and after a few tries with the defibrillator, we got his heart going again. But within a couple of minutes it stopped again. We tried everything we could but could not revive him. My wife at this point said I just need to be alone and go walking and I will be let you know when I am ready.
> 
> Me and her sister talked to the doctors for a little while. They said it was amazing that he made it this far. They said even if they were able to get his blood sugar down and he regained consciousness, he probably wouldn't be the same. And he had multiple obstacles to overcome including extensive heart damage, kidney damage, and most likely a leg amputation. The infection in his body was also pretty bad and the thickened blood was complicating treatment.
> 
> ...


I'm really sorry things turned out like this.
Emotions are high, good on you for putting tough talks away and not engaging.
Most important thing is to be there for your wife, let her vent, let her cry, let her be alone, let her xxxxx. Whatever she needs to grieve.
Finger pointing at a time like this is in poor taste and not helpful.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Its very sad to think that he could have lived so much longer had he made good decisions early on. His body was clearly so badly abused and damaged that he was never going to make it. 
So sorry for you all. 😞


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> What an absolutely chitty Friday night. Sadly he just passed within the last hour. Most of us were walking to get some coffee and a snack and "code blue response team needed to ICU room xxx" was announced. The wife and her sister just break down right there. We rush up there and can hear the chaos and naturally told to go to the waiting room. About 25 minutes later 2 doctors told a nurse come in. They said he went into sudden cardiac arrest. We immediately began cpr and after a few tries with the defibrillator, we got his heart going again. But within a couple of minutes it stopped again. We tried everything we could but could not revive him. My wife at this point said I just need to be alone and go walking and I will be let you know when I am ready.
> 
> Me and her sister talked to the doctors for a little while. They said it was amazing that he made it this far. They said even if they were able to get his blood sugar down and he regained consciousness, he probably wouldn't be the same. And he had multiple obstacles to overcome including extensive heart damage, kidney damage, and most likely a leg amputation. The infection in his body was also pretty bad and the thickened blood was complicating treatment.
> 
> ...


for the sake of the whole family, you have to let the stuff with the brother taking him to bars just slide.

perhaps he saw the guy was about to die, and wanted to bond with him and show him a good time for a few months, so he would have fond memories. 

plus, he did not force the brother to eat junk food and not exercise....you can lead a horse to water but not make him drink


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I’m so sorry. 🥺


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Unfortunately it is his choice to live the way he is doing so. He has to make the decision to change if it isn’t to late already.


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

@ThatDarnGuy!, How is your wife doing?
How are you holding up?
I'm sorry that you lost your brother-in-law. I'm sure you are grieving too.


----------



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Cynthia said:


> @ThatDarnGuy!, How is your wife doing?
> How are you holding up?
> I'm sorry that you lost your brother-in-law. I'm sure you are grieving too.


I myself am doing ok. I didn't know him like she did. We drove back home as she didn't want to break down on the plane. She has mostly just laid in bed and very briefly gotten up since we got back. Her sister and I have been working together to handle setting up and splitting the cost of cremation service. She has been easy to work with and she is going to see if she is up to and along with the rest of the family hold a memorial service at some place that hasn't been determined. 

If he had a will, we aren't aware of it. He owned his house which is a small home and he has money that he was living off of from the sale of his business along with leftover inheritance. She says she fully expects their brother to try and put his hands into it all. But she isn't interested in fighting it and said she doubts my wife cares about it either. But that is for another day.

I know my wife is pretty torn up right now. I will just let her process this. I would like her to talk to a counselor, but I don't think or know if right now may necessarily be a good time?


----------



## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I’m glad you’re doing better. I would give her another few days to grieve. Are you having a funeral service? Sometimes that gives people closure. It might help.


----------



## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Sorry for your loss.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I myself am doing ok. I didn't know him like she did. We drove back home as she didn't want to break down on the plane. She has mostly just laid in bed and very briefly gotten up since we got back. Her sister and I have been working together to handle setting up and splitting the cost of cremation service. She has been easy to work with and she is going to see if she is up to and along with the rest of the family hold a memorial service at some place that hasn't been determined.
> 
> If he had a will, we aren't aware of it. He owned his house which is a small home and he has money that he was living off of from the sale of his business along with leftover inheritance. She says she fully expects their brother to try and put his hands into it all. But she isn't interested in fighting it and said she doubts my wife cares about it either. But that is for another day.
> 
> I know my wife is pretty torn up right now. I will just let her process this. I would like her to talk to a counselor, but I don't think or know if right now may necessarily be a good time?


Yea, I agree with @TexasMom1216 , don’t push counseling right now.
This period is just raw emotions and pain. Let her process in the way that she needs (non destructive of course).

There‘s not really a set time that a person gets through grief so don’t worry about length of time. But she might need a gentle, loving, nudge to become functional again (I know I did). I’d wait a few days after all the services and any loose ends are tied up before testing those waters.

You mentioned a will… avoid family bickering like the plague, or Covid I guess to modernize that saying. It will only make things worse for your wife.

Best wishes for you and yours


----------



## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> What an absolutely chitty Friday night. Sadly he just passed within the last hour. Most of us were walking to get some coffee and a snack and "code blue response team needed to ICU room xxx" was announced. The wife and her sister just break down right there. We rush up there and can hear the chaos and naturally told to go to the waiting room. About 25 minutes later 2 doctors told a nurse come in. They said he went into sudden cardiac arrest. We immediately began cpr and after a few tries with the defibrillator, we got his heart going again. But within a couple of minutes it stopped again. We tried everything we could but could not revive him. My wife at this point said I just need to be alone and go walking and I will be let you know when I am ready.
> 
> Me and her sister talked to the doctors for a little while. They said it was amazing that he made it this far. They said even if they were able to get his blood sugar down and he regained consciousness, he probably wouldn't be the same. And he had multiple obstacles to overcome including extensive heart damage, kidney damage, and most likely a leg amputation. The infection in his body was also pretty bad and the thickened blood was complicating treatment.
> 
> ...


My sympathies to you and yours. I know the struggle, as my one wife is diabetic and my mother was towards the end of her life due to pancreatic cancer (lost her entire pancreas). My wife has the opposite problem. She forgets to eat because other medications suppress her appetite so she suffers from sugar crashes.


----------



## Lapm (10 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Any tips would be appreciated.
> 
> My wife got the call this morning that her brother has been admitted in ICU again for uncontrolled diabetes. This is the second ICU stay in 3 years. His blood sugar spiked at 871 at the ER. According to his roommate, he appeared extremely intoxicated even though he saw no open containers to suggest he was drinking and he had a bottle of soda by him along with junk food. He called 911 and he passed out before they arrived.
> 
> ...


I get it. I’ve been there. It’s his life, it’s his choice. She is basically helpless. What she can go is face the fact that he doesn’t have much time left, make the best of it. Spend quality time together. If he’s married or has kids give them support. This is a very difficult journey.


----------

