# I asked him questions and got answers...



## Yummy2011 (Jun 1, 2011)

Well I asked my stbxh a few questions about if he understood how I felt and I got the answers I expected. He pretty much blamed me for everything. I cried when I read the email. Not because I feel bad for hurting him but because after almost 10 years he still blames me for everything. I'm so tired of being blamed and not understood. Its taken a toll on me and I started to feel "less than" in our relationship. It manifested itself through anger, resentment and disinterest in his needs. I'm just tired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Yummy: Doesn't sound as if you got any answers. Realistically, it's a 50/50 shared blame in our relationships, anyway close to that.

I got my answer after a simple question because actions were loving and his words were not. I asked why the discrepancy and he said " I don't know." There's my answer. He is in denial of his feelings. You can not talk to someone like that you will have a conversation by yourself and that is what happened to you.

Don't own the blame. It is not entirely you. Take care of yourself because no one else knows how to do that better than you.

Forget the blame game, that is going nowhere.

Hug to you.


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## Yummy2011 (Jun 1, 2011)

Thanks sparkles. I asked if he cared how I felt and all I got was how he tried but if I had changed it would have been better. I guess...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yummy2011 (Jun 1, 2011)

I had to ask another question...was he sleeping with someone else. And I got a yes but only twice. Hmph, but he still comes to me looking for sex and while I'm pregnant. I figure it must be somewhat serious with this woman because he has her around our kids but if he sees me its like I'm the mistress who has to sneak around. For some reason I still had hope for us but that was demolished. It hurts but I guess I have to get tested and move on for real this time. I think its also time for me to change my prayers from reconciliation to strength to get through this divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Yummy2011 said:


> if he sees me its like I'm the mistress who has to sneak around.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep that is how I felt when we supposedly reconciled 2 months ago and lived together for only 7 days....he didn't want to touch me and look at me.He told me himself that with me he feels like he is cheating on the OW ,he said he can't have sex with me or kiss me because he is loyal to the one he loves......can you imagine how my jaw dropped.....I was like how come you didn't feel like that when you were cheating on me with her...and heloooo we are still married.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

wow so much difficult emotions to get through. 

I guess I was lucky there has never been any question (other than in my mind) for reconciliation. stbxh has moved on with the support of an EA and I am moving on with the support of family, friends, IC and group therapy.

I was reading a really great book called Learning From Divorce and it is very insightful. May help with your current situation. Of course, it is helping me understand my part in the demise of mine and I have no issue with seeing my contribution just work. In the next relationship (I have hope, see), I will have worked on myself enough not to fall into a dysfunctional relationship again. Because I won't be.

I am just working on getting whole again and getting to know myself and what a process that is.


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

I would love to get some answers myself, but H is not open to discussion at this point. He did MC with me just to have a "nice divorce where we don't hate each other". I never had a shot at this. He had made up his mind during IC, never told me he was going. I agree, there are always things that we could have done better, worked harder, but it takes two people to do that. Both of us should have been saying what we needed and asking what we could do


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