# I'm a mean wife.



## jelwipw (Jul 25, 2012)

I've posted before about how emotionally and physically distant my husband can be. He still is and I know it has to deal with me being so mean and cruel to him. I verbally abuse him every single day. I cheated on him a few times before we got married (I was under 16 when I cheated on him). We have two toddlers and I'm only 20. We have both started college full time so the tension is worse. I feel like I do take all of my stress out on him and I do get more upset when I expect him to magically be helpful and sweet to me. Is there even any point in trying to work on things anymore or has the damage been done and is it all irreversible. I want to have a happy marriage for our children. But us arguing all of the time has to be terrible on them and it makes my husband so distant he barely acknowledges the kids much less me. In turn I am so depressed my house is a wreck literally. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to break the cycle but I honestly don't know how to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Are you in therapy?

As a college student you might be able to get no (or low) cost individual counseling. 

To me that seems critical because you know what your issues are, but you say you haven't been able to make a sustained change on your own. 

I haven't read it, but the book _Change You Life and Everyone in It _by Michele Weiner-Davis might be helpful. She is a strong advocate of the idea that if you want to improve your relationship with someone, the only person you can change is yourself. She argues that if you made small, consistent, sustained changes it will change the way your partner (& other people) will behave.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It's likely going to take professional help (therapy) to help you. Somebody has obviously hurt you badly. Hurt people hurt people. Until you deal with that nothing will change.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Therapy and maturity will help you get the hang of self control.That's the only thing that helped me anyway.
I agree with Mavash.Someone must have hurt you to make you hurt others this way...it won't get better til you face it.


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## stilllookingup (Oct 29, 2012)

You guys are young.. act now and go to counseling. It sounds like you just need to learn how to communicate with each other.


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

You are very young and it's very difficult at your age to understand the feelings around true love (I know, I was there once!). I honestly don't think you are really in love with this man. Things are more complicated as you have two toddlers but it may be should separate for a while to get some perspective on your feelings.
Delaying the inevitable only creates more pain and hurt in the long run.


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