# Banging my head against the wall



## G33kyG1rl

Hello all,
I'm new here, I'm just at a point where absolutely nothing I do is helping anymore, and I'm almost positive I'm making it worse. 

My husband and I have been together going on 12 years, and married almost 10, one son, just turned 9. I've been disabled about 2 years with a condition called RSD/CRPS (chronic pain condition similar to fibromyalgia and MS), and have always been the breadwinner. Husband has gotten lazier and lazier over time. He was always lazy and selfish, but since my disability it has reached new heights. Obviously it takes forever to be awarded SSD when you're young (I'm 33) so no money is coming in on my end. The sad thing is, no money is coming in on his end either!! He refuses to work, he says he has anxiety attacks, which is probably true. He's also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which I'm not sure if it's accurate or not. If it is, I don't think it's relevant to his behavior. I know a lot of people who are bipolar who aren't completely worthless disrespectful jerks.

Over the past few years he's been drinking more and more. Smoking pot. Basically getting into trouble here and there. One night earlier this year he was very drunk and attacked me and our son. We weren't physically hurt, but the police were called, he was incarcerated for a week, given a slap on the wrist (12 months probation) and I kept him out of the house for close to 2 months, until he came home one day sobbing promising he was going to change. You can probably see where I'm going with this already. Slowly, over time, he's started back doing things he shouldn't do. He's back to drinking, stealing money from whoever he can, stealing my pain pills. I don't have a safe, he broke into it and now it won't shut. I keep all pills, pain and otherwise, on my person now at all times, which is hard, because I have a lot. He has been drinking, driving drunk (to the store to get more beer), obviously not doing anything that will show up on a piss test, but the other night my son told me he saw daddy holding a rag up to his nose in the garage. I go outside, catch him huffing brake parts cleaner. He doesn't work. He doesn't clean. He doesn't cook. He won't help with our son, at all. He's overall very mean, when he does get caught doing something wrong, he does act very ashamed, although not right away...right away he acts like a cornered animal! He sees a therapist, goes to intensive outpatient therapy 4 days a week, AA twice a week, none of it seems to be helping. I go to a therapist, although I've been dubbed completely sane (who knew?!?) I feel like I'm losing it because of him. People always have advice for you....bull$hit advice, because they haven't been there. 
"Make him get a job!!" Harharhar!
"Kick him out!!" Can't, his parents owned this house before they died and I am NOT that person who takes something that belongs to someone else just because they're being an @$$hole, so please don't even suggest that.
"LEAVE!" Right...how am I supposed to do that? I do a computer repair job here and there and I have no income otherwise. It barely covers the utilities.

He blames me for him being the way he is. He calls me a b!tch. He can't take any responsibility for the things he's done. He has literally chased every friend and family member away, he has only me and our son, but he treats us like crap!! Yeah, I scream at him. A LOT!! I already have enough on my plate between coming up with money for bills and not being able to work, hurting badly ALL-THE-TIME and trying to raise a young man to not be like his father...and it seems as though every thing this man does enrages me!

I don't have supportive family. The family I do have that I have a relationship with just don't understand, and I don't want to talk to them about it because they're so critical and judgmental....OF ME! I get enough abuse at home, thanks very much!

I don't even think I have a question here. I just needed to say that, to people who might understand? Thanks for listening.


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## HuggyBear

I'm actually surprised that the judge didn't order some kind of AA/group counseling, with a condition of sobriety as a result of the drunken antics.

Huffing crap, stealing pills and money is a bad, bad path. The drinking and driving is even worse, putting someone else's (and your families') entire well being at a SERIOUS risk.

If it's the way you're calling it, someone is going to get seriously hurt. He's not working, and apparently either doesn't want to, or can't... ask your therapist or counselor, not necessarily his probation officer or anyone connected with law enforcement (this is IMPORTANT) perhaps an involuntary "vacation" at a facility could give him the impetus to wake up and change his ways, or become eligible for the government help he needs to "become productive".

I don't see any real alternative. You're speeding down a dark, dangerous road without headlights.


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## Flying_Dutchman

G33 - He's an emotional bully.

If he was diagnosed bi-polar and isn't making it up I suspect it was by a GP, or a specialist with limited time. Right area,, needed further digging.

This reads like a typical cluster B personality disorder còcktail,,, lacking only the rages and violence of the worst cases.

Nacissism, sociopathy, blaming others, substance abuse, malingering (to avoid work, garner sympathy), apologising before returning to type, are all symptoms of a PD bully.

Well on it's way towards N/BPD, malingering short of Munchausen's illness faking and infliction.

Since malingering seems to be his foremost tool of manipulation, read the link below for pointers.

Likely he attends those meetings with no intention of getting better cuz with you looking after him he's free to indulge himself in doing nothing.

He won't improve without proper diagnosis and treatment. If he won't get it what you have now will be yours for life. If he gets violent, get out. Until then, read the link and others about narcissistic PD traits to get knowledge about what you're dealing with.

Malingering - causes, person, personality, health, mood, Definition, Description
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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