# I left my wife Speachless



## hitrockbottom (Jun 3, 2008)

A show and a Sign of trust toward my wifesee previous post if confused)http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/1605-regaining-trust.html

Well I gave her the Hemp Necklace.. Took me 4hours to make it. I attached a ring that I haven't taken off of my finger in 10yrs. It was the only thing I have which I am attached to that I don't want to lose.(besides my wife)

I called her in the room, sat her down and said "_Baby, I messed up, I betrayed your trust, and I caused you to shut your emotions to me off because you were afraid to lose me(due to my HEAVY DRINKING). I have apologized to your numerous times, I have also poured my heart out to you. All I get in return is a brick wall. It seems as my words have no meaning to you, but I am sincere in what I say. So I tryed to show you with my actions. You said that it made you respect me more as a friend but hasn't done anything for your trust in me. So I made you this. I figured that if I show you how much trust and faith I have in you, then hopefully you can see how much I want to stay with you. I won't ever hurt you like this again, I can promise that. So I want you to have this. When you decide that you can start trusting me again and put your rings back on then you can give it back. Until then I am trusting you with the only thing precious to me besides you._"

After that I kissed her on the forhead told her I loved her and left the room.

SHE WAS SPEACHLESS! She had tears in her eyes and you could tell that she didn't know how to react.

after a while she said you wear this, you never take it off. I said I know, but I have never been more sincere in anything I have said like I am now. And this is the only way I had left of showing you that. Keep it with you, if you don't wear it at least put where you can see it everyday, I want you to remember that I Love you and I don't want to lose you.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

What a wonderful gesture. I hope she sees the commitment in it and all rings are returned to the proper fingers in the near future. Bless.


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## hitrockbottom (Jun 3, 2008)

So I'm following this up...She has a Chemistry test for one of her college classes today. I know she has been stressing it and stressing us. 
Tomorrow we had a dinner date setup, but she also has a break from school...so I want to show her that I can put my wants aside if need be...here is the note I wrote for her..leaving it on her car:

_babe,
Hey I know that you've had a busy week. I just wanted to thank you for taking some time out of it to spend with me(we actually talked a few days this week) I love you and i know you did well on your test. I went to Moes tonight. If you get out before 9 call me. If not there will be some Moes waiting at home for you.(one of her favorite restaurant's). Since you don't have class tomorrow night we can post pone the dinner if you just want to relax and hang out with your friends. I look forward to 4th and seeing them with you, as long as you haven't made plans already. It would mean the world to me to have you by my side friday night. I love you babe and I can't tell you how much you mean to me.

Love - "your hot keeper"(nick name that used to be in her phone)

P.s. Quit stressing Chemistry. You have a passion and a Goal so I know you will do good._


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

good job Rockbottom, keep moving forward.


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## PainPainPain (Aug 9, 2009)

That's incredibly sincere and genuine. I wish you could give my husband some lessons in humblesness and how to truly show remorse!


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I hope it works for both of you. You really seem to have made some incredible changes in your life.

But give her a break, too. It takes a long time to gain trust and only a moment to lose it. So she's going to need time to get where she needs to be. As you are aware, a good manipulator will pull out all of the stops and when he's got you calm and pliable again, he'll revert. So she's got good reason to be wary. You just need to continue what you're doing. Be consistent. Try to keep your chin up when she doesn't give you the response you want. You're doing the right thing for her and for yourself regardless of her response. 

You're a pretty awesome guy. Good luck!!


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

These measures are great. And I hope you both find happiness. But please keep this perspective...

The thing you did to break her trust will be there forever. She will have flashes of it that can be more painful than anything. She may at times even question herself if she allows herself to believe. It is important for her to maintain an independence from you. It might not ever be 'the same.'

That being said, if you stay true - which is something you WILL need to prove to yourself more than you need to prove to her in time - AND if you keep this very supportive, positive presence, it can make your "It" better than it as ever been. But either way it won't be the same. It is just different now. 

Some Native American art includes an intentional flaw. The belief is that if the art is perfect, the Spirit will be trapped within. The flaw gives the Spirit the ability to be free. I'm not Native American, and I hope I have this right. Either way, it is something that has helped me through my H's harm to me. Its now my 'flaw', its woven into my fabric. Its just part of me now. 

Please just stay honest.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

That brought tears to my eyes. I only wish my H did something like that. He's not an emotional guy. He's trying in his way but seems to me he's only doing now what he should have always done (open communication, supporting me when I feel low, total honesty). What I think is, I should have had that all along and didn't. I think he should earn back my trust and go beyond, like you continue to do with your wife. I also remind myself just because someone doesn't he doesn't show me he loves me the way I want him, doesn't mean he doesn't love me...

You are making steps forward. Its probably slow and frustrating at times you have changed your life, you have changed yourself. She sees it, its why she's still there. She just afraid to believe its permanent. Keep on showing her!


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