# I'm tired of cheating. How can I make my husband be the man I want him to be?



## angellily

Ok I know people frown on this kind of thing so I will get this out the way first.

I've been cheating on my husband for the past 3 years!

The other man works on the same job as me. It was originally just a fling and eventually became an entirely new relationship. This man was everything my husband used to be when we met. Funny, handsome, athletic.....he had it all. I know that being in this relationship was wrong but I was being selfish and trying to live my own life without thinking about my husband or children.

I've sensed my husband has always knew something was wrong and I believe that's why he has tried so hard to please me. We've been to countless marriage sessions to try to "work" on our marriage but none of it ever worked. All of this constant pressure really took a toll on me. I made a pact with the man that I was sleeping with and we both agreed to divorce our spouses and be with each other. We were together for so long that I felt this was the right choice for me to be happy.

So I separated from my husband earlier this year against his wishes. He wanted to stay and try to make things work but I knew in my heart that I was in love with someone else and that there was nothing my husband could do to make this work.

Now what does my true lover go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!

He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. I'm so hurt and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad. All this time, he claims he wants to be with me. Now he decides he wants to be with his wife. Oh and get this, he still wants to keep having sex with me. That's just not going to happen.

So I've decided that I want to work things out with my "almost" ex husband. We've been talking this week and he wants to come back home and try again. I really want to give him another chance and I want to know what I can do to change him into the man I originally married. I feel like he has taken me for granted all these years and that's what caused me to cheat. I never wanted to hurt him but we both deserve to be happy. I want him to treat me like the queen I am and to stop going through the motions.

Sorry for the rant and I'm sure I left something out. I know this marriage can't be a lost cause and I need to know what to do to make it work.


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## jerry123

So your husband is plan b?

Never going to work. If the OM wants to see you again you will go running back. 

Oh, and you want to give husband another chance?!?! I guess you think it was all his fault. Just divorce him so he can meet an honest woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman

You are not queen (maybe a troll). You are a lying, manipulative, cold-hearted person. You do not deserve to be treated like a queen - this behavior deserves no reward. Nowhere do you say you want to save the marriage because you love him.

Leave him to find the woman that he deserves who will treat him like a King.


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## WalterWhite

It's more YOU that needs to be worthy of your husband. Not the other way around. You are very confused and worthy of no man. You are scum. Have a nice day 

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## The Middleman

So you want to return to your husband, your plan 'B', because you're pissed at your married boyfriend for renewing his marriage vows? Looks like you have zero respect for your husband and if he wants to reconcile with you, he has no respect for himself. 

I have no advice other than to say that you you should do 4 people (you, your husband, your boyfriend and your boyfriend's wife)a huge favor by forgetting about all of them, never contacting any of them again and starting a new life somewhere else. I think you are too selfish to repair this.


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## BlueCalcite

angellily said:


> Now what does my true lover go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!
> 
> He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. I'm so hurt and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad.


Breaking News:

Cheaters hurt people, and they don't care.


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## angellily

jerry123 said:


> So your husband is plan b?
> 
> Never going to work. If the OM wants to see you again you will go running back.
> 
> Oh, and you want to give husband another chance?!?! I guess you think it was all his fault. Just divorce him so he can meet an honest woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why not give him another chance? If it wasn't for his behavior, I would have never did what I did. It's not all his fault and I do partly share the blame. However, my actions were because of his inaction if that makes sense. Besides, he has been literally begging me for another chance. I at least owe him that at least for the kids sake.


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## harrybrown

Have you told your husband about your affair?

Have you gone NC with your AP? Now you know he liked the sex with you. 

How can you change your husband? Start by changing yourself. When you are in the affair fog, you have to justify your cheating so you magnify the faults of your spouse. You would never cheat because you were selfish or have such horrible behavior.

If you can't go NC, can't get a new job away from your POSOM, tell your husband the truth and let him find someone who will not cheat on them. You have built a wall between you and your husband. How can he be happy when he has tried MC with you and you are still cheating on him?

Have you told your AP wife about the affair?


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## BlueCalcite

angellily said:


> Besides, he has been literally begging me for another chance. I at least owe him that at least for the kids sake.


Tell him you've been cheating for three years and you'll probably find that you won't be bothered by him begging you anymore.


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## angellily

The Middleman said:


> So you want to return to your husband, your plan 'B', because you're pissed at your married boyfriend for renewing his marriage vows? Looks like you have zero respect for your husband and if he wants to reconcile with you, he has no respect for himself.
> 
> I have no advice other than to say that you you should do 4 people (you, your husband, your boyfriend and your boyfriend's wife)a huge favor by forgetting about all of them, never contacting any of them again and starting a new life somewhere else. I think you are too selfish to repair this.


Zero respect for my husband? You seriously don't get it. If I had no respect for him, I would have never picked up the phone and tried to make amends with him. I'm not using him as a plan b. I'm giving him a chance for him to be the man to please me. I don't want any regrets so if it doesn't work out, I want to feel that I gave everything that i could in this relationship.


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## BlueCalcite

angellily said:


> I'm not using him as a plan b. I'm giving him a chance for him to be the man to please me.


....because your Plan A dumped you.


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## angellily

harrybrown said:


> Have you told your husband about your affair?
> 
> Have you gone NC with your AP? Now you know he liked the sex with you.
> 
> How can you change your husband? Start by changing yourself. When you are in the affair fog, you have to justify your cheating so you magnify the faults of your spouse. You would never cheat because you were selfish or have such horrible behavior.
> 
> If you can't go NC, can't get a new job away from your POSOM, tell your husband the truth and let him find someone who will not cheat on them. You have built a wall between you and your husband. How can he be happy when he has tried MC with you and you are still cheating on him?
> 
> Have you told your AP wife about the affair?


Well everything is still fresh so I am still in contact with him. I have no intention of leaving my job and I told him that there will be no more sex. He knows I can tell his wife and make his life a living hell so I don't think he will mess with me. Hell, maybe I should still tell her just so she can know what kind of scum he is.


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## stevehowefan

Karma?


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## weightlifter

LOL others are gonna skewer you so I get to be good cop for once!

Does he know of the affair?
If not let him go and no dont tell him. Why destroy his heart mess up his ego?
If yes and he still wants to reconcile... More power to him.

Uh cheating is always 100% on the cheatER not the cheatED. The correct order is file D then fvck whoever you want. I dont think it matters much if you wait till D completed but make sure its known the marriage is dead.


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## angellily

weightlifter said:


> LOL others are gonna skewer you so I get to be good cop for once!
> 
> Does he know of the affair?
> If not let him go and no dont tell him. Why destroy his heart mess up his ego?
> If yes and he still wants to reconcile... More power to him.


Nope he doesn't know and I see no reason to tell him. Despite what I've done to him, I do love him. I want to start fresh so it would be idiotic of me to tell him now and screw everything up.


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## love=pain

You want to give him another chance?
I hope he mans up and disposes of you just like you and your AP had planned on disposing of your husband, marriage and children.
Oh and one last thing you were just trying to live your life without thinking about your husband and children? What kind of mother says this about her kids, you are sick, demented and out of touch with reality you don't deserve to be a mother or a wife for that matter, you deserve to be a receptacle just like what your perfect OM used you for.


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## Shoto1984

angellily said:


> Ok I know that being in this relationship was wrong but I was being selfish and *trying to live my own life without thinking about my husband or children*.
> 
> I really want *to give him another chance* and I want to know what I can do to change him into the man I originally married.
> 
> I know this marriage can't be a lost cause and *I need to know what to do to make it work*.


Wow...Wow.....


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## WalterWhite

Angellily, you are morally bankrupt. I'm glad you posted here. This forum needs to hear from scum like you, to learn about cheaters from their own writings. So please do continue posting. Really. You are so far gone and play the hurt victim to the hilt. Wow!! I showed this to my wife and she said you were evil.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## Aunt Ava

angellily said:


> Why not give him another chance? If it wasn't for his behavior, I would have never did what I did. It's not all his fault and I do partly share the blame. However, my actions were because of his inaction if that makes sense. Besides, he has been literally begging me for another chance. I at least owe him that at least for the kids sake.


You must be honest with your husband, confess the affair. He has the right to know that he has been living a lie. 

Marriage counseling doesn't work when there are 3 people in the marriage, that's on you.

You are 100% responsible for the affair, he is responsible for 50% of the marriage problems.

Your husband is in NO way to blame for your affair. You are completely responsible for your behavior...your attitude is offensive.

Confess to your affair partners wife, and to your HR dept at work. 

You must leave you job if you have any prayer of saving your marriage. Although, I honestly believe you should continue with the divorce. 

You should consider individual counseling so you can fix what is broken inside you. That's why you had the affair, not because your husband failed to treat you like a queen. 

I don't know your husband, he may be a complete waste of air....but he certainly doesn't deserve what you have dished up.

Again, I urge you to be completely forthcoming with him. Tell him you have been unfaithful for the past 3 years. It's possible he begging you to stay with him will cease, but that's his decision.


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## someone90

angellily said:


> Well everything is still fresh so I am still in contact with him. I have no intention of leaving my job and I told him that there will be no more sex. He knows I can tell his wife and make his life a living hell so I don't think he will mess with me. Hell, maybe I should still tell her just so she can know what kind of scum he is.


But you're not scum, right?

Lol, I'm looking forward to the rest of this thread


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## arbitrator

*And being the cake eater that you have so aptly shown yourself to be, I would bet you didn't have the womanly courage to tell him, or even your marriage counselor a single solitary thing about your tryst. No ~ that's the easy convenient way out!

Do your H the honorable thing and divorce him and let him find the woman who will truly love and honor him as her loyal and loving husband.

Go get yourself checked out for STD's so you don't pass that along to any innocent and unsuspecting dates.

And then one day, when your old and alone and needy for loving companionship, may you look back on this time in your life in amazed wonderment!

And lastly from an ecclesiatical standpoint, I hope that, in time, you will get yourself right with God and confess everything to your H. After all, you will need to trudge through the Valley of Despair before ever thinking about ascending any Mountain Top!*


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## Aunt Ava

angellily said:


> Zero respect for my husband? You seriously don't get it. If I had no respect for him, I would have never picked up the phone and tried to make amends with him. I'm not using him as a plan b. I'm giving him a chance for him to be the man to please me. I don't want any regrets so if it doesn't work out, I want to feel that I gave everything that i could in this relationship.


WOW. You really are broken. Please, for the sake of your children get into individual counseling. 

Please give your husband your honest confession and a divorce. If he still wishes to be with you after that --knowing ALL the facts--then start dating again.


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## BlueCalcite

angellily said:


> Nope he doesn't know and I see no reason to tell him. Despite what I've done to him, I do love him. I want to start fresh so it would be idiotic of me to tell him now and screw everything up.


...and there'd be nothing screwed up about a marriage built upon lies of this magnitude.

Even if you divorce him, he needs to know so that he can demand that the paternity of his children be tested.


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## richie33

angellily said:


> Why not give him another chance? If it wasn't for his behavior, I would have never did what I did. It's not all his fault and I do partly share the blame. However, my actions were because of his inaction if that makes sense. Besides, he has been literally begging me for another chance. I at least owe him that at least for the kids sake.


Your such a kind wife. He is so lucky to have you.


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## BlueCalcite

richie33 said:


> Your such a kind wife. He is so lucky to have you.


Yeah, she's obviously very forgiving of him and herself.


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## Aunt Ava

angellily said:


> Well everything is still fresh so I am still in contact with him. I have no intention of leaving my job and I told him that there will be no more sex. He knows I can tell his wife and make his life a living hell so I don't think he will mess with me. Hell, maybe I should still tell her just so she can know what kind of scum he is.


You should confess to his wife because that's the right thing to do. Not for revenge. She has the right to know she is also living a lie, and that he has exposed her to STD's. 

Does he also have children? Have you for one minute consider the damage that your affair has created? 
You have destroyed 2 marriages...whether or not they were bad before is a moot point. Because you cheated there can never again be 100% trust. 
You are responsible for destroying 2 families, and your children, and his (POSOM)children are going to have to live with the fallout.
All because you feel entitled to be treated like a queen. 
Your children were entitled to a family. Your brought them into this world with that expectation.


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## BlueCalcite

Aunt Ava said:


> You should confess to his wife because that's *the right thing to do.*


That argument probably isn't going to resonate too strongly with her.


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## workindad

Here's a question for you to ponder. 

How can you become the wife your husband needs and deserves? 

Another one
How can you become the mother your children need and deserve?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33

BlueCalcite said:


> Yeah, she's obviously very forgiving of him and herself.


Everybody is too harsh on this poor woman. Her damn husband probably works too much, doesn't make enough money, sits around all Sunday watching football.....he had it coming. You need to see she is of a high moral caliber.


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## badmemory

Wow.

We don't often get WS's posting on this board who are as broken as you. Most of the ones that do come here at least have a modicum of remorse for what they've done. You have none.

You think you're doing your husband a favor by going back to him.

In reality, the biggest favor you can do him is to let the divorce go through. If you don't, I have to believe that one day he'll realize who you really are and the karma bus will run your @ss over.


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## WorkingOnMe

Please don't feed her.


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## 86857

angellily said:


> Ok I know people frown on this kind of thing so I will get this out the way first.
> 
> I've been cheating on my husband for the past 3 years!


Now that got everyone's attention! What an opener.


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## BlueCalcite

WorkingOnMe said:


> Please don't feed her.


Probably the right move.


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## gpa

angellily said:


> Now what does my true lover go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!
> 
> He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. I'm so hurt and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad. All this time, he claims he wants to be with me. Now he decides he wants to be with his wife. Oh and get this, he still wants to keep having sex with me. That's just not going to happen.


:rofl:


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## angellily

workindad said:


> Here's a question for you to ponder.
> 
> How can you become the wife your husband needs and deserves?
> 
> Another one
> How can you become the mother your children need and deserve?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've always been the mother that my children deserve. As far as my husband is concerned, I will be loyal and faithful to him as long as he satisfies me. There's nothing wrong with that.


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## WalterWhite

Yes angel lily, of course! There's nothing wrong with lying, breaking vows, cheating, sure!!

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## stevehowefan

angellily said:


> I've always been the mother that my children deserve. As far as my husband is concerned, *I will be loyal and faithful to him as long as he satisfies me*. There's nothing wrong with that.


Good on you for verbalising the need to change. Now comes the all-important part. You've got to want to change. Based on the bolded part, you don't want to change. What kind of statement is that? Like, for real?


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## Esco

Ladies and gentlemen this is why I will not get married again. This **** is unbelievable. 

News flash you don’t deserve your husband. He can do way better, anything besides you has to be an upgrade


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## NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME RIGHT?

She's a troll, one way or the other.


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## Mylife1234

angellily said:


> i've always been the mother that my children deserve. As far as my husband is concerned, i will be loyal and faithful to him as long as he satisfies me. There's nothing wrong with that.


your a pos. Simply put.


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## azteca1986

Interesting OP. I hope it's just fiction.



angellily said:


> I want him to treat me like the queen I am...


I he hope does. I'd love your poor husband to treat you (metaphorically) as the French Citizenry did unto Marie Antoinette.


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## arbitrator

angellily said:


> As far as my husband is concerned, *I will be loyal and faithful to him as long as he satisfies me.* There's nothing wrong with that.


*Let's see! What about the part of those vows that say "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death do you part!"

Does the mere mention of that remotely ring a bell for you? 

Or can I have some assurances that you're not my lying, cheating XW?*


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## GTdad

This is one of those threads where you sure as hell want to believe the OP is a troll, because even though we all know that there are indeed people out there who think this way, having to actually see those thoughts articulated is enough to make your head explode.


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## Aunt Ava

angellily said:


> I've always been the mother that my children deserve. As far as my husband is concerned, I will be loyal and faithful to him as long as he satisfies me. There's nothing wrong with that.


There's everything wrong with that.

No child deserves a mother that cheats on their father and is toxic to their family. I don't think you know the meaning of loyal and faithful. Tit for tat doesn't make for happy healthy marriages. 

Please, please tell your husband that you'll be faithful as long as he satisfies you. Please. Maybe then he will see how broken you are and realize he deserves someone much better than you. 

Each post you make just proves how delusional you are. The world of rainbows and unicorns doesn't really exist.


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## arbitrator

gtdad said:


> this is one of those threads where you sure as hell want to believe the op is a troll, because even though we all know that there are indeed people out there who think think this way, having to actually see those thoughts articulated is enough to make your head explode.


*verily!*


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## trey69

Your lover went back to his wife because he never really had any intention of leaving her. Being a side of left overs for someone else must be so fulfilling! 

I do think think someone left the door open for the trolls to get in again though.


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## survivorwife

azteca1986 said:


> Interesting OP. I hope it's just fiction.
> 
> I he hope does. I'd love your poor husband to treat you (metaphorically) as the French Citizenry did unto Marie Antoinette.


:lol: :rofl: :lol:

Funniest darn thread I've read here in a long time.

Really OP. There's this thingy called a "mirror". Look into it. Long. Then, if you are lucky (and human), it will dawn on you that you can't change anyone but yourself. Not your H. Not the OM. Just you. It all starts with honesty. About yourself. And then to those you supposedly love. For anyone to truly love you, they have to *see* you. The real you. The person who cheated for 3 years and intends to continue this facade of a marriage as queen is just another lie you intend to deceive your H with. Someday you just might see that. Maybe not. Just don't be too surprised when Karma pays you another visit.


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## Aunt Ava

angellily said:


> Nope he doesn't know and I see no reason to tell him. Despite what I've done to him, I do love him. I want to start fresh so it would be idiotic of me to tell him now and screw everything up.


You want to start fresh!!?? Then he needs to know the truth. 
He has been in an open marriage for the last 3 years, oops you forgot to tell him. Maybe he would enjoy some strange too.

Has he cheated on you? Wouldn't you want to know if he had. Wouldn't you want to know all the facts before making a huge life decision about the marriage? 

So he hasn't met your needs, have you been meeting his? I am going to guess you haven't. 

Yeah, being truthful would be idiotic....and being honest would screw everything up....cause your affair hasn't already. 

Where is the karma bus when you need it?


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## angellily

stevehowefan said:


> Good on you for verbalising the need to change. Now comes the all-important part. You've got to want to change. Based on the bolded part, you don't want to change. What kind of statement is that? Like, for real?


What part do you not understand? If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage. I never said what I did was right. I'm willing to give him another chance and see how it works.


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## jerry123

angellily said:


> What part do you not understand? If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage. I never said what I did was right. I'm willing to give him another chance and see how it works.


Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer

angellily said:


> Ok I know people frown on this kind of thing so I will get this out the way first.
> 
> I've been cheating on my husband for the past 3 years!
> 
> The other man works on the same job as me. It was originally just a fling and eventually became an entirely new relationship. This man was everything my husband used to be when we met. Funny, handsome, athletic.....he had it all. I know that being in this relationship was wrong but I was being selfish and trying to live my own life without thinking about my husband or children.
> 
> I've sensed my husband has always knew something was wrong and I believe that's why he has tried so hard to please me. We've been to countless marriage sessions to try to "work" on our marriage but none of it ever worked. All of this constant pressure really took a toll on me. I made a pact with the man that I was sleeping with and we both agreed to divorce our spouses and be with each other. We were together for so long that I felt this was the right choice for me to be happy.
> 
> So I separated from my husband earlier this year against his wishes. He wanted to stay and try to make things work but I knew in my heart that I was in love with someone else and that there was nothing my husband could do to make this work.
> 
> Now what does my true lover go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!
> 
> He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. I'm so hurt and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad. All this time, he claims he wants to be with me. Now he decides he wants to be with his wife. Oh and get this, he still wants to keep having sex with me. That's just not going to happen.
> 
> So I've decided that I want to work things out with my "almost" ex husband. We've been talking this week and he wants to come back home and try again. I really want to give him another chance and I want to know what I can do to change him into the man I originally married. I feel like he has taken me for granted all these years and that's what caused me to cheat. I never wanted to hurt him but we both deserve to be happy. I want him to treat me like the queen I am and to stop going through the motions.
> 
> Sorry for the rant and I'm sure I left something out. I know this marriage can't be a lost cause and I need to know what to do to make it work.


This post is sickening. "Give him another chance". I would say you need professional help - but that wouldn't do squat.

Deplorable.


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## marshmallow

Oh, honey. You are a real piece of work.


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## Jonesey

angellily said:


> Ok I know people frown on this kind of thing so I will get this out the way first.
> 
> I've been cheating on my husband for the past 3 years!
> 
> The other man works on the same job as me. It was originally just a fling and eventually became an entirely new relationship. This man was everything my husband used to be when we met. Funny, handsome, athletic.....he had it all. I know that being in this relationship was wrong but I was being selfish and trying to live my own life without thinking about my husband or children.
> 
> *I've sensed my husband has always knew something was wrong and I believe that's why he has tried so hard to please me*.And you never gave him a chance...Sadly *We've been to countless marriage sessions to try to "work" on our marriage but none of it ever worked.*
> Well it did not work because you never gave it a chance
> You busey somewhere else...
> 
> *All of this constant pressure really took a toll on me.*
> Jugeling two men at the same time.I belive you
> *
> I made a pact with the man that I was sleeping with and we both agreed to divorce our spouses and be with each other. We were together for so long that I felt this was the right choice for me to be happy.*
> And there is the reason MC did not work
> But you blame your "husband"
> 
> *So I separated from my husband earlier this year against his wishes. He wanted to stay and try to make things work but I knew in my heart that I was in love with someone else and that there was nothing my husband could do to make this work.* OK
> 
> *Now what does my true lover go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!
> 
> He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. I'm so hurt and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad. All this time, he claims he wants to be with me. Now he decides he wants to be with his wife. *Oh and get this, he still wants to keep having sex with me. That's just not going. to happen. Any reason you are supprised??
> 
> *So I've decided that I want to work things out with my "almost" ex husband.*Why did you not post this
> 
> *I knew in my heart that I was in love with someone else and that there was nothing my husband could do to make this work.* What changed
> We've been talking this week and he wants to come back home and try again. I really want to give him another chance and I want to know what I can do to change him into the man I originally married. *I **feel like he has taken me for granted all these years and that's what caused me to cheat.*OH please... *I never wanted to hurt him but we both deserve to be happy.* But you did hurt him.And only you where happy
> *I want him to treat me like the queen I am and to stop going through the motions.* YOU SERIOUSLY CAN REALLY MEAN THIS
> 
> Sorry for the rant and I'm sure I left something out. I know this marriage can't be a lost cause and I need to know what to do to make it work.


Please understand my post is NOT me bashing you.Ir really aint.. Its just me trying to point out how absurd opinions you have.. What´s youre plan to make your PLAN B husband HAPPY??


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## Samus

How about just go jump off a bridge, good advice? You sound like a sorry pos of a human. You are extremely selfish and self centered. If you husband was a horrible husband, why not divorce and go on a fck a thon? Your horrible individual and I think your a troll. This is unbelievable.


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## John Lee

This poster is like a Turing test, only instead of trying to figure out whether she's AI or human, you have to figure out if she's a narcissist or a troll.


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## Healer

angellily said:


> Hell, maybe I should still tell her just so she can know what kind of scum he is.


What kind of scum _HE_ is? :rofl:


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## BlueCalcite

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29


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## darkdays

After reading this i can only come to the conclussion that you do not really love your husband at all. You owe him to try again for the kids??? really??? How is that going to work out.

Your husband was a fallback plan. plan B. your boyfriend is as much scum as you are. he is fing some scumbag at work and renews his fake vows with his wife. just amazing.

do you get that he does not love you at all. Your just better then his hand maybe and that is all you are to him. You destroyed your marriage for nothing. :smthumbup:


----------



## John Lee

It's like a pile-on on an inflatable dummy. She doesn't feel a thing.


----------



## nogutsnoglory

angellily said:


> Why not give him another chance? If it wasn't for his behavior, I would have never did what I did. It's not all his fault and I do partly share the blame. However, my actions were because of his inaction if that makes sense. Besides, he has been literally begging me for another chance. I at least owe him that at least for the kids sake.





angellily said:


> What part do you not understand? If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage. I never said what I did was right. I'm willing to give him another chance and see how it works.


what he did or did not do is nothing compared to what you have done. I sure hope he realizes your trash.
I have not laughed harder in a long time. Your AP left you to be with his wife... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. he was so dumb. How could he pass up a gem like you. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
This reminds me, I got trash to take out. 
Your H will realize in time losing you was the best thing that could happen to him. 

He did not cause you to cheat. The cheating is 100% on you. 
Marriage issues are shared. Cheating is owned. You are not owning and you have no chance of your M working. Your H is a fool. He can do much better than you. Easily.
Your selfishness is very sad. Marriage is about communication, not deceit or justification for going outside the marriage. If it was that bad you should have dealt with it and given him moral consequences for him not meeting your needs. To include divorce. Doing what you did was horrible. Your inability to see this as a character flaw is astounding. Understand that your affair partner never respected you. I am sure he enjoyed the ego stroking and sex very much. As far as ever actually planning on leaving her for you, I doubt that was ever even a true consideration. He knows your character and just used it against you to get what he wanted from you. Not hard really.
You are not even admitting your H is plan B, even though you stated going back to him is the result of the affair partner dumping you. You slam the affair partner as scum for going back to his wife? Ummm, that is his wife. If you can't understand why he would do that, then you have no reason to be married.  He is a POS, but not for what he did to you, but what he did to her. You want to expose him, but you should not be exposed..Hypocrite much?

You are going to teach your kids to be self entitled people. They will grow up to be selfish. They will get used as you have.
They will deserve it, as you do. You need to get counseling for yourself and let a professional that deals with 100's of personalities a year to explain to you how wrong and destructive to yourself and those around you, you are. There is a good reason why no one has agreed with you on here. You can post on here for years and no one will agree with you. You are so clearly and very wrong.


----------



## Aunt Ava

angellily said:


> What part do you not understand? If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage. I never said what I did was right. I'm willing to give him another chance and see how it works.


You should not be married, nor should you be in any type of relationship.

I am slightly curious about your family of origin and your childhood. But I really don't want to waste any more time on such a pointless situation.


----------



## verpin zal




----------



## remorseful strayer

Angelilly:

Your husband is plan B for you. Leave him and set him free. You do not love him. It appears as if you only want him now because your AP dumped you. 

Also, you mentioned telling his wife. You might want to think twice about this if you are still going to try to work things out with your hubby and he knows nothing of the affair. 

If you call your AP's wife, she most likely will contact your hubby.


----------



## sammy3

After everyone is finished yelling at this lady,can someone step in and offer something other than negative feedback ? She needs help, big time, she came on here looking for help,twisted as her mind may be. 

OP, you've got yourself in a big mess, you need to come clean within yourself. Until you can do that, your life is only going to continue to be what you don't want it to be. 

~sammy


----------



## remorseful strayer

angellily said:


> What part do you not understand? If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage. I never said what I did was right. I'm willing to give him another chance and see how it works.


What? You are willing to give HIM another chance. 

You are kidding right? 

I don't thinks so. I think you believe your own spin. 

The bottom line is if he isn't the type of man you are attracted to, that will likely never change. 

It's one thing to crave sex with someone. It's quite another to declare that you fell in love with your OP because your husband is not the man you want.


----------



## remorseful strayer

sammy3 said:


> After everyone is finished yelling at this lady,can someone step in and offer something other than negative feedback ? She needs help, big time, she came on here looking for help,twisted as her mind may be.
> 
> OP, you've got yourself in a big mess, you need to come clean within yourself. Until you can do that, your life is only going to continue to be what you don't want it to be.
> 
> ~sammy



Sammy:

A person who believes their own spin, like this lady definitely needs some straight talk. 

She doesn't need to be coddled anymore.

Obviously her hubby coddles her, and it only makes her dis him more.


----------



## verpin zal

Send your husband here.

We'll transform him into the husband you.. deserve.


----------



## treyvion

EnjoliWoman said:


> You are not queen (maybe a troll). You are a lying, manipulative, cold-hearted person. You do not deserve to be treated like a queen - this behavior deserves no reward. Nowhere do you say you want to save the marriage because you love him.
> 
> Leave him to find the woman that he deserves who will treat him like a King.


Guy's don't bash her, this is not entirely abnormal this day and age and we need to thank her for her honesty.


----------



## 6301

angellily said:


> What part do you not understand? If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage. I never said what I did was right. I'm willing to give him another chance and see how it works.


 You know.................every time you respond to the replies, you keep putting your foot deeper in your mouth. What you want is a man that does everything except walk on water.

Anyone remember the old TV show the Muppets had? Remember those two old guys, Waldorf and Statler? They made fun out of everyone. Well all of us are those two guys and your the person on stage getting heckled. Why? because every time you open your mouth you make a bigger ass out of yourself than you already are. 

Please! Please continue to reply. Better yet, re read you thread. Tell me that you can honestly say that you make sense. If you keep this thread going, you'll have to change your name from angellily to TOAST because you'll be burned to a crisp.


----------



## survivorwife

angellily said:


> What part do you not understand? If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage. I never said what I did was right. I'm willing to give him another chance and see how it works.


I see. So other than "stepping outside the marriage" aka "cheating" you were the perfect wife to him? And now your expectation is that he be "perfect" to you, giving you everything "you need". Is there a list already prepared, or do you intend to update the list as the mood occurs? What is it that you feel you need that he wasn't giving you and the follow-up question (in reference to your earlier post about referring to yourself as a "queen") is what about *you* (the unfaithful spouse) gives you the right to demand "*everything"* when you offer *nothing*?


----------



## BlueCalcite

treyvion said:


> Guy's don't bash her, this is not entirely abnormal this day and age and we need to thank her for her honesty.


Now he/she is going to be offended and take the story up a notch.


----------



## treyvion

BlueCalcite said:


> Now he/she is going to be offended and take the story up a notch.


She delivered the "entitled" viewpoint. By the way it's made out of TEFLON. It does not take damage easily. It's slick and slippery. She will not be discomforted or in pain or have any responsibilty for her foray with the other man.

The only true reflection can come if the husband completely drops her. Then she can determine the error of her ways.


----------



## Aunt Ava

verpin zal said:


> Send your husband here.
> 
> We'll transform him into the husband you.. deserve.


Excellent suggestion. Please send him to us.


----------



## Twistedheart

What's his ph# or email? I will tell him. You can PM me if you want. Stand up for what's right. TODAY. Give me his info so that he too can make smart decisions with all the facts.


----------



## sammy3

I'm not saying to coddle, I'm mean constructive criticism. 

~sammy


----------



## John Lee

sammy3 said:


> I'm not saying to coddle, I'm mean constructive criticism.
> 
> ~sammy


I would say that the original poster is almost certainly a lost cause -- do you think that a person that capable of believing her own b.s. is going to listen to "constructive criticism"?


----------



## BlueCalcite

treyvion said:


> She delivered the "entitled" viewpoint. By the way it's made out of TEFLON. It does not take damage easily. It's slick and slippery. She will not be discomforted or in pain or have any responsibilty for her foray with the other man.
> 
> The only true reflection can come if the husband completely drops her. Then she can determine the error of her ways.


Not what I meant.


----------



## verpin zal

John Lee said:


> I would say that the original poster is almost certainly a lost cause -- do you think that a person that capable of believing her own b.s. is going to listen to "constructive criticism"?


Are you mad? We are not allowed to criticize her highest highness in any way, constructive or otherwise.

If there's anyone to be criticized, it's her husband. I certainly can criticise him for hours.. on his choice of women.


----------



## angellily

remorseful strayer said:


> Angelilly:
> 
> Your husband is plan B for you. Leave him and set him free. You do not love him. It appears as if you only want him now because your AP dumped you.
> 
> Also, you mentioned telling his wife. You might want to think twice about this if you are still going to try to work things out with your hubby and he knows nothing of the affair.
> 
> If you call your AP's wife, she most likely will contact your hubby.



Well despite what most of you think, I DO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!

I don't want him only because of what happened. He has been begging me to give our marriage another chance. I'm available now to give him that chance. I don't want to walk into this and things go back the way they were. I want him to change. I want the old him back. That's who I love!


----------



## WalterWhite

Sammy, ALL our responses are in fact constructive and helpful. You are confused.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## RClawson

Honey you have no idea what the concept of love is. Go back to the beginning of this thread and reread all the negative posts and realize this is who you really are. Now I truly understand the anger and bitterness I see here at times from individuals who have been cheated on by morally bankrupt spouses like you.


----------



## barbados

What was your relationship like with your H during the 3 years of the affair ? You mentioned counseling sessions. 

Did you maintain a sexual relationship with him during this time ? 

How was it that he never found out in 3 years time ?


----------



## WalterWhite

Angellily, you cannot make a marriage work until you are worthy. I bet you're very surprised that most here see you as a terrible person, right? You are so far morally bankrupt that you cannot even tell right from wrong.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## sammy3

I'm seeing this a case of entitlement being played out here,as well as being a victim on the op part.

The affair may still be found out, as op may not be herself now that om is married and she still works w him . 

So if that happens she'll play the I love you card, and never meant to hurt you,the affair then take the same life and role all the other affairs take on , only the details differ, no better no worst , they are all messy& nasty . 

~sammy


----------



## ScubaSteve61

angellily said:


> Nope he doesn't know and I see no reason to tell him. Despite what I've done to him, I do love him. I want to start fresh so it would be idiotic of me to tell him now and screw everything up.


News flash: You screwed everything up when you screwed the OM.


----------



## John Lee

angellily said:


> Well despite what most of you think, I DO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!
> 
> I don't want him only because of what happened. He has been begging me to give our marriage another chance. I'm available now to give him that chance. I don't want to walk into this and things go back the way they were. I want him to change. I want the old him back. That's who I love!


Perhaps a more sensible course of action would have been to try to fix your marriage BEFORE having a three-year affair. What I am about to say is harsh, but it's honest: most men would consider you the scum of the earth for what you did. Feeling like your husband "isn't the man he used to be" is not a justification for an affair, ever. Really, almost nothing in the world is. Maybe you should ask yourself "why should my husband want anything to do with me? Why am I so lucky that I still have a husband at all after I cheated on him for three years?"


----------



## John Lee

angellily said:


> Well despite what most of you think, I DO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!
> 
> I don't want him only because of what happened. He has been begging me to give our marriage another chance. I'm available now to give him that chance. I don't want to walk into this and things go back the way they were. I want him to change. I want the old him back. That's who I love!


But since this is your question, you can't have the "old him" back, whatever the hell that means. You can't get him to "change." You don't get to have everything you want in life.


----------



## sammy3

Im stepping out and will just read , its not about me.. 

~sammy


----------



## Dad&Hubby

angellily said:


> Well despite what most of you think, I DO LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!
> 
> I don't want him only because of what happened. He has been begging me to give our marriage another chance. I'm available now to give him that chance. I don't want to walk into this and things go back the way they were. I want him to change. I want the old him back. That's who I love!


Okay...I'm going to take a different approach and assume you're not a troll (as hard as that is).

1. Angellilly, a lot of people think you're a troll because NONE of us can comprehend a REAL human being who is this much of a narcissist with ZERO comprehension of what marriage is and what's required to work. 

2. I keep hearing about you and your needs and wants. You're a "queen"...PS NOONE is a queen or king, we're all individuals and the key to a good marriage is you're both equal partners. What's "equal" in your marriage.

3. A key to a good marriage is having 2 healthy people dedicate themselves to each other. You're not healthy and your husband isn't healthy.

You know, I'm not going to keep going. I have all of these things but you know, until one important thing is done, it's all meaningless.

Do you know how wrong you were to cheat on your husband and will you tell him about the affair so he can PROPERLY address things within himself? He can't "change" enough without knowing all of the details. PS you should consider both of you coming on here. Honesty is the backbone of marriage. Would you be willing to have a reconcilliation thread with you, your husband and the members of TAM?


----------



## BlueCalcite

WalterWhite said:


> You are so far morally bankrupt that you cannot even tell right from wrong.


Says the meth kingpin himself....


----------



## bryanp

You have been screwing your lover behind your husband's back for 3 years putting your husband at risk for STD's and you will not shares that information with him. You say you love your husband but refuse to be honest with him. You say you love your husband but you actions say different. 

I guess it would be acceptable for you to have had your husband screwing another woman behind your back for 3 years putting your health at risk for STD's if he felt he was not getting all of his needs met. You truly are a piece of work.


----------



## angellily

badmemory said:


> Wow.
> 
> We don't often get WS's posting on this board who are as broken as you. Most of the ones that do come here at least have a modicum of remorse for what they've done. You have none.
> 
> You think you're doing your husband a favor by going back to him.
> 
> In reality, the biggest favor you can do him is to let the divorce go through. If you don't, I have to believe that one day he'll realize who you really are and the karma bus will run your @ss over.


Maybe it didn't come across originally, but I do have remorse. I'm not denying what I did was wrong. It was horrible, yes. However, I do deserve to live life and I do deserve to be happy. The man I married was not the man my husband became. Yes, I should have tried to work on our marriage. Maybe I'm not as strong as some because I chose to start a relationship with someone else. The bottom line is that I understand what I've done and I know it has hurt my husband. He has been absolutely pitiful for the past few months and I felt bad. I can be the woman he needs but I need to lay out the ground rules first. That's why I came here. I know we can make this marriage work if we take the right steps.


----------



## BlueCalcite

angellily said:


> The bottom line is that I understand what I've done and I know it has hurt my husband. He has been absolutely pitiful for the past few months and I felt bad.


How was he hurt if he didn't know?


----------



## ScubaSteve61

angellily said:


> Maybe it didn't come across originally, but I do have remorse. I'm not denying what I did was wrong. It was horrible, yes. However, I do deserve to live life and I do deserve to be happy. The man I married was not the man my husband became. Yes, I should have tried to work on our marriage. Maybe I'm not as strong as some because I chose to start a relationship with someone else. The bottom line is that I understand what I've done and I know it has hurt my husband. He has been absolutely pitiful for the past few months and I felt bad. I can be the woman he needs but I need to lay out the ground rules first. That's why I came here. I know we can make this marriage work if we take the right steps.


For you to be the woman he needs, you'll need to do a few simple things:

Tell the OM's wife.
Divorce your husband or fake your own death.
Disappear and join a nunnery in Argentina.

That should be about all it takes.


----------



## John Lee

angellily said:


> Maybe it didn't come across originally, but I do have remorse. I'm not denying what I did was wrong. It was horrible, yes. However, I do deserve to live life and I do deserve to be happy. The man I married was not the man my husband became. Yes, I should have tried to work on our marriage. Maybe I'm not as strong as some because I chose to start a relationship with someone else. The bottom line is that I understand what I've done and I know it has hurt my husband. He has been absolutely pitiful for the past few months and I felt bad. I can be the woman he needs but I need to lay out the ground rules first. That's why I came here. I know we can make this marriage work if we take the right steps.


I don't really follow -- first I thought you said your husband didn't know, but now you say you "hurt" him -- so did he find out? Does he know the partial truth?

Get yourself some counselling. You have some very delusional ideas about how life works, and you need someone to help you break down those delusions. You will not be able to fix your marriage if you don't work on yourself first.


----------



## azteca1986

angellily, the first step is *honesty*. It won't be a real marriage without it.

Can you be honest with your husband?


----------



## verpin zal

angellily said:


> Now what does my *true lover* go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!
> 
> He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. *I'm so hurt* and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad. All this time, he claims he wants to be with me. Now he decides he wants to be with his wife. Oh and get this, he still wants to keep having sex with me. That's just not going to happen.
> 
> *So I've decided* that *I* want to work things out with my "almost" ex husband.





> Maybe it didn't come across originally, *but I do have remorse*. I'm not denying what I did was wrong. It was horrible, yes. However, I do deserve to live life and I do deserve to be happy. The man I married was not the man my husband became. Yes, I should have tried to work on our marriage. Maybe I'm not as strong as some because I chose to start a relationship with someone else. The bottom line is that I understand what I've done and I know it has hurt my husband. He has been absolutely pitiful for the past few months and I felt bad.* I can be the woman he needs but I need to lay out the ground rules first*. That's why I came here. I know we can make this marriage work if we take the right steps.



For future reference.


----------



## treyvion

A positive response to this. 

Reveal to your husband your infidelities, how long it's been going on, why, etc.

Stop hanging around and communicating to people who were aware of and supporting the affair secret.

Full transparency to the husband, he has all your passwords, codes, etc. Can read all your mail, phone, etc.

Visit a counselor who is experienced in resolving a situation like yours.

Pray for forgiveness.

Be happy to be home and take care of your home.

Ensure that your husbands needs are met as well as yours. Understand that you are not perfect and neither is he. 

Perhaps clue him up on things or positions he softened up on, that make him "less attractive" to you.

Take full responsibility for your actions, your choice to cheat, your choice to hurt the man who loves you. Learn to take full responsibility and accountability for each of your actions from this day forward. Do not lie to yourself.


----------



## NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME RIGHT?

Thank you for your honesty. 

It's not that hard, really. Your husband has enabled/encouraged your entitlement behavior for years. Put you on a pedestal and made you feel that you deserved everything you could want without having to work for it. Well guess what sister? That's not how life works. Assuming you are for real, you came here asking for help. So here it is.

You need to grow up. You were not entitled to having an affair becuase your husband failed to meet all of your needs. For many reasons.

1. It is not possible for a spouse to meet every need of someone else. To think so shows your selfishness and your immaturity. Your husband should be working to meet your most important needs, but you need to make sure you are communicating what your true needs are. Not your list of wants. Your needs. You must take time to understand the difference.

2. It is not a spouse's job to make their partner happy. If you depend on an outside source to deliver happiness, then you will never be happy. Happiness comes from within. True happiness is about feeling content and satisfied with our lives, and 50% or more of that comes from being happy with who we are, how we choose to live our lives and share it with those we love. Your posts show a clear lack of understanding this concept. When someone depends on others to make them happy, they have given up all control of their own life and well being to outside sources. They have also created a scenario that they swing drastically in and out of happiness based on the current moment vs the bigger picture. Sound familiar?

3. You failed to communicate your needs effectively to your spouse. I am certain you disagree with this. All fog-dwellers do. But you failed to clearly state you had critical needs that your husband was failing to meet. You didn't sit him down and say you were unhappy in this marriage because you truly needed x,y and z. And then explain that you need him to help work with you on the marriage or it really isn't a marriage. Which would would mean a divorce. Instead you did what cheaters do, got angry and picked fights around certain topics. That doesn't count as effective communication, FYI.

Now if you are serious about wanting to fix things with your husband, then the first thing you need to do is stand in front of the mirror and accept that the decision to cheat was 100% yours. Your husband had nothing to do with it. You could have chosen to involve your husband, talk about the problems you had with the marriage etc. Or you could choose to divorce. You chose to cheat instead. And that was a direct violation of the contract of marriage. You promised your husband one thing and did another. You are in the wrong and need to own up to this, both with your husband and with yourself.

There will be lots of opportunity for you guys to talk about the failings in your marriage, and you both must own your halves of those failings. But the affair is a separate beast entirely. Treat them accordingly.

So as a spouse who says she was entitled to the affair since her husband wasn't meeting all her needs, let me ask you this: Were you meeting all of his needs? Do you even know what his needs are? Not based on assumptions either. I mean, have you asked him about the relationship and if it is all he wants it to be? This all falls into the failure to communicate bucket on both of your parts.

And claiming that you have been the model mother during all of this is insane fog talk. You have chosen to jeopardize your family unit and their stability within it for your own personal benefit. You have chosen yourself over them, and that is not something a model mother does. So accept that your decisions have bearing on their lives as well.

You need to come clean with your husband. You need individual counseling and marriage counseling. But above all else, you need to come clean with yourself and to own the things you have done and the damage they create. You must accept consequences for your behavior, and use them to GROW as a person and as a partner.

My guess, you will know deep down that this is all true. But will choose to dismiss it and continue to lead the shallow and empty existence you have been leading to now. Because its easier and it doesn't require emotional investment. If that is your choice, then do the honorable thing and pursue your life of selfish indulgence in solitude. If praying to the altar of you is the only thing you find worth doing, then go for it. But don't string these other victims along for the ride.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

angellily said:


> Maybe it didn't come across originally, but I do have remorse. I'm not denying what I did was wrong. It was horrible, yes. However, I do deserve to live life and I do deserve to be happy. The man I married was not the man my husband became. Yes, I should have tried to work on our marriage. Maybe I'm not as strong as some because I chose to start a relationship with someone else. The bottom line is that I understand what I've done and I know it has hurt my husband. He has been absolutely pitiful for the past few months and I felt bad. *I can be the woman he needs *but I need to lay out the ground rules first. That's why I came here. I know we can make this marriage work if we take the right steps.


Can you be honest, faithful, loyal and compassionate even during the times when things are tough? PS, you've already answered this question.

I know that's what men need in their wife, and frankly women need from their men.

Sorry but your entitlement doesn't trump your fidelity. You're not marriage material. You're DEFINITELY not a "queen". 

You need to get over yourself. Until you realize that your infantile "needs" don't trump the marriage vows, you'll NEVER be marriage material. Married people work together to meet each others' needs. If they're not being met, they seek help TOGETHER.


----------



## EleGirl

jerry123 said:


> Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?


This is a two way street. You need to also give him everything he needs. When will you start to do that?

Of course the marriage counseling (MC) did not work. You have more than half out the door and had someone else. MC never works when one spouse is cheating.


----------



## angellily

barbados said:


> What was your relationship like with your H during the 3 years of the affair ? You mentioned counseling sessions.
> 
> Did you maintain a sexual relationship with him during this time ?
> 
> How was it that he never found out in 3 years time ?


Counseling didn't start until earlier this year when I told him I wanted to separate. Yes, I maintained a sexual relationship with both during this time. Am I ashamed of it? Of course I am. Especially seeing that I ignored the man that loved me since I paid attention to the piece of **** who lied to me. That's what I regret. I could have fixed this before without counseling if I had not been in love with the piece of ****.


----------



## angellily

WalterWhite said:


> Angellily, you cannot make a marriage work until you are worthy. I bet you're very surprised that most here see you as a terrible person, right? You are so far morally bankrupt that you cannot even tell right from wrong.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Well honestly, stuff like this happens everyday so although I may have done something bad, I'm not a bad person. Cheating is wrong but people cheat all the time. Does that mean that half the people in the wrong are terrible? I don't mind the criticism since I'm a big girl. I was at least hoping to take something useful away from all of this.


----------



## John Lee

angellily said:


> Well honestly, stuff like this happens everyday so although I may have done something bad, I'm not a bad person. Cheating is wrong but people cheat all the time. Does that mean that half the people in the wrong are terrible? I don't mind the criticism since I'm a big girl. I was at least hoping to take something useful away from all of this.


You won't take anything useful away from this unless you open your ears. Again, you only seem to about 25% grasp your own situation, which you created. You're only "remorseful" because the man you were "in love with" decided he'd rather be with his wife. What you really wanted was to live a fantasy with this other man, but now you've had a "change of heart" because that didn't pan out. Look at the delusion you are living. Imagine your husband telling you an equivalent story and justifying it to you this way. "Well honey, my three-year affair didn't work out because she decided to stay with her husband. So let's give it another go. However, here are my demands."


----------



## SadSamIAm

If your lover had left his wife and to be with you, where would you be?


----------



## nogutsnoglory

angellily said:


> Counseling didn't start until earlier this year when I told him I wanted to separate. Yes, I maintained a sexual relationship with both during this time. Am I ashamed of it? Of course I am. Especially seeing that I ignored the man that loved me since I paid attention to the piece of **** who lied to me. That's what I regret. I could have fixed this before without counseling if I had not been in love with the piece of ****.


Why is he a POS again? Oh yeah, he had an affair and now he is going back to his WIFE! Hmmm, You had an affair and now are going to go back to your H.
SO I guess that makes you a POS too. 

Affair partner lied to you making you think he was going to give himself to you. Sounds kind of like the promises made in a marriage vow...oh wait..you had marriage vows.. So you are a POS too.

Realize please you are no different than the man you call scum. He promised you, he lied, you promised your H, you lied. There is no difference but for the fact your lie is worse b/c you were married to the person you were lying to.


----------



## angellily

BlueCalcite said:


> How was he hurt if he didn't know?





John Lee said:


> I don't really follow -- first I thought you said your husband didn't know, but now you say you "hurt" him -- so did he find out? Does he know the partial truth?
> 
> Get yourself some counselling. You have some very delusional ideas about how life works, and you need someone to help you break down those delusions. You will not be able to fix your marriage if you don't work on yourself first.


He was hurt because he has been desperately trying to fix a marriage and everything he tried, I shut him down. I've had the key all this time and he has been trying to figure out how to make me happy. I'm sorry he wasted his time but it is what it is. Like I said before, we can make this work going forward but it has to be both of us.


----------



## Twistedheart

Troll. Good Day.


----------



## John Lee

It's funny, you say "I deserve to be happy." I would actually disagree with that. I think that under current circumstances, you do not deserve to be happy right now. You should face unhappiness for what you did. True remorse is unhappy.


----------



## Lovemytruck

angellily said:


> Ok I know people frown on this kind of thing so I will get this out the way first.
> 
> I've been cheating on my husband for the past 3 years!
> 
> The other man works on the same job as me. It was originally just a fling and eventually became an entirely new relationship. This man was everything my husband used to be when we met. Funny, handsome, athletic.....he had it all. I know that being in this relationship was wrong but I was being selfish and trying to live my own life without thinking about my husband or children.
> 
> I've sensed my husband has always knew something was wrong and I believe that's why he has tried so hard to please me. We've been to countless marriage sessions to try to "work" on our marriage but none of it ever worked. All of this constant pressure really took a toll on me. I made a pact with the man that I was sleeping with and we both agreed to divorce our spouses and be with each other. We were together for so long that I felt this was the right choice for me to be happy.
> 
> So I separated from my husband earlier this year against his wishes. He wanted to stay and try to make things work but I knew in my heart that I was in love with someone else and that there was nothing my husband could do to make this work.
> 
> Now what does my true lover go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!
> 
> He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. I'm so hurt and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad. All this time, he claims he wants to be with me. Now he decides he wants to be with his wife. Oh and get this, he still wants to keep having sex with me. That's just not going to happen.
> 
> So I've decided that I want to work things out with my "almost" ex husband. We've been talking this week and he wants to come back home and try again. I really want to give him another chance and I want to know what I can do to change him into the man I originally married. I feel like he has taken me for granted all these years and that's what caused me to cheat. I never wanted to hurt him but we both deserve to be happy. I want him to treat me like the queen I am and to stop going through the motions.
> 
> Sorry for the rant and I'm sure I left something out. I know this marriage can't be a lost cause and I need to know what to do to make it work.


This quote should be a "must read" for all of the newbie BSs.

It is an honest glimpse into the mind of a cheating spouse.

It takes most faithful spouses months up to never to see this in their own WSs.

Angelilly,

Thanks for illustrating a valid opinion that you commonly share with many WSs.

I actually think your post will help others realize the victim that they have become. Maybe it will help them jump out of their "limbo" and move on to a better relationship.

Not saying this sarcastically or to be mean. You were brave to post things that are very antagonistic toward the legions of betrayed (myself included).

It will take time for you to realize the monster problem you have created. So sorry for your family that you chose to do this.


----------



## mineforever

Angellily you cannot make your husband into anything....you can't change another person, only they themselves can change thenself. Who you can and should be working on is you. You have some maturing to do, to be ready to bein a mature long term faithful relationship. I would recommend you work on some self reflection and let your husband focus on himself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## John Lee

angellily said:


> He was hurt because he has been desperately trying to fix a marriage and everything he tried, I shut him down. I've had the key all this time and he has been trying to figure out how to make me happy. I'm sorry he wasted his time but it is what it is. Like I said before, we can make this work going forward but it has to be both of us.


Go to hell.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

angellily said:


> Well honestly, stuff like this happens everyday so although I may have done something bad, I'm not a bad person. Cheating is wrong but people cheat all the time. Does that mean that half the people in the wrong are terrible? I don't mind the criticism since I'm a big girl. I was at least hoping to take something useful away from all of this.


Cheating doesn't define a person as being bad or not, it's their attitude and thought process involved in the cheating.

Cheating is one of the most destructive and "evil" things you can do to someone. You are literally trampling on another human beings emotional well being and destroying it. There are many people here who would rather have a finger cut off than to go through the pain of infidelity to put it in perspective.

Now there are people who cheat and then realize how wrong they were, are TRUTHFULLY remorseful and truly feel the guilt and are willing to carry the burden of what they've done, these are not bad people, just people who made bad decisions and are owning those decisions.

The people who cheat, and then are not TRULY GUILT RIDDEN and remorseful and would do it again if the situation was right for it, who are the bad people.

PS your words have already told us what camp you lie in. It wasn't that you cheated, it's your attitude about cheating.


----------



## EI

The Middleman said:


> So you want to return to your husband, your plan 'B', because you're pissed at your married boyfriend for renewing his marriage vows? Looks like you have zero respect for your husband and if he wants to reconcile with you, he has no respect for himself.
> 
> I have no advice other than to say that you you should do 4 people (you, your husband, your boyfriend and your boyfriend's wife)a huge favor by forgetting about all of them, never contacting any of them again and starting a new life somewhere else. I think you are too selfish to repair this.



Wonders never cease. I never thought I would "like" one of your posts, but here it is. I should have known when it actually snowed in Louisville, yesterday, that Hell had frozen over.


----------



## Headspin

angellily said:


> Now what does my true lover go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!





angellily said:


> He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. *I'm so hurt and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad.* All this time, he claims he wants to be with me. Now he decides he wants to be with his wife. Oh and get this, he still wants to keep having sex with me.





angellily said:


> I want him to treat me like the queen I am .....





angellily said:


> If it wasn't for *his behavior,* I would have never did what I did. It's not all his fault and I do partly share the blame.





angellily said:


> I'm giving him a chance for him to be the man to please me.





angellily said:


> Hell, maybe I should still tell her just so she can know what kind of scum he is





angellily said:


> As far as my husband is concerned, I will be loyal and faithful to him as long as he satisfies me. There's nothing wrong with that.





angellily said:


> If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage.





angellily said:


> I'm available now to give him that chance.





angellily said:


> However, I do deserve to live life and I do deserve to be
> happy. .





angellily said:


> Well honestly, stuff like this happens everyday so although I may have done something bad, I'm not a bad person. Cheating is wrong but people cheat all the time. Does that mean that half the people in the wrong are terrible? I don't mind the criticism since I'm a big girl. I was at least hoping to take something useful away from all of this.





angellily said:


> He was hurt because he has been desperately trying to fix a marriage and everything he tried, I shut him down. I've had the key all this time and he has been trying to figure out how to make me happy. I'm sorry he wasted his time but it is what it is. Like I said before, we can make this work going forward but it has to be both of us.


Magnificant 

Really just fantastic

:rofl:

You managing to get people here to take you seriously is just well .....a wonder of the world really!


----------



## Disenchanted

You should take out a huge life insurance policy on yourself, make your husband the beneficiary and then, well you know what comes next.


----------



## user_zero

angellily,

Talk with a psychiatric. share with him what you shared with us. I am almost certain you have NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia). it may not be curable but at least you can understand and take control of your condition a lot better than this. seek help for YOUR ISSUES.

PS: I am praying right now that you would be a troll. that's how wrong you are. there is a special place in hell for people like you.


----------



## angellily

Headspin said:


> Magnificant
> 
> Really just fantastic
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> You managing to get people here to take you seriously is just well .....a wonder of the world really!


You're a real piece of work. You don't even know me and instead of saying something useful, you quote almost all of my posts from this thread. Good job!


----------



## marshmallow

I think it's rather despicable to troll on a board like this, where certain things trigger certain people. Absolutely not amusing, and you should feel a little ashamed of yourself!

Or a lot ashamed of yourself, actually!


----------



## verpin zal

angellily said:


> You're a real piece of work. You don't even know me and instead of saying something useful, you quote almost all of my posts from this thread. Good job!


Hear, hear.

Moonbeam, it's not hard to admit that you were dumped and need the comfort of a "marriage", not your poor husband.

Cut the "i love him" crap and that will be a small step.. if that.

The "bashing" will not stop until yo go back, re-read what you have written and realize you're the only one here who disagrees with everyone else.


----------



## hibiscus

Ignore this thread. She is a troll. She is bored and wants a bit of drama.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## verpin zal

hibiscus said:


> Ignore this thread. She is a troll. She is bored and wants a bit of drama.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The fun had just started 

:rofl:


----------



## azteca1986

You have a problem with honesty.

Even your thread title states that you're 'tired'. You weren't tired you were *unceremoniously dumped*. Your OM didn't even bother to let you know directly.



NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME said:


> 1. It is not possible for a spouse to meet every need of someone else. To think so shows your selfishness and your immaturity. Your husband should be working to meet your most important needs, but you need to make sure you are communicating what your true needs are. Not your list of wants. Your needs. You must take time to understand the difference.
> 
> 2. It is not a spouse's job to make their partner happy. If you depend on an outside source to deliver happiness, then you will never be happy. Happiness comes from within. True happiness is about feeling content and satisfied with our lives, and 50% or more of that comes from being happy with who we are, how we choose to live our lives and share it with those we love. Your posts show a clear lack of understanding this concept. When someone depends on others to make them happy, they have given up all control of their own life and well being to outside sources. They have also created a scenario that they swing drastically in and out of happiness based on the current moment vs the bigger picture. Sound familiar?


All true. You're trying to change your husband to make yourself happy. It doesn't work that way. You need to look closer to home.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

troll who knows how to push buttons


----------



## barbados

hibiscus said:


> Ignore this thread. She is a troll. She is bored and wants a bit of drama.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most likely, but hell its Friday, why not have some fun anyway !


----------



## Thound

Good gawd! I really hope you are a troll. Your husband is plan B just like you are. Your husband is who he is and you are what you are. Please divorce him so he can find someone worthy of his love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## nancy.ramos

Headspin said:


> Magnificant
> 
> Really just fantastic
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> You managing to get people here to take you seriously is just well .....a wonder of the world really!


Well summarized Headspin !

Just when I thought I've seen it all..this comes along :slap:


----------



## Dad&Hubby

angellily said:


> You're a real piece of work. You don't even know me and instead of saying something useful, you quote almost all of my posts from this thread. Good job!


Angellilly, I'm not saying this to be mean, but HOPEFULLY you can catch on to something.

By quoting everything you've said...He did say something...something very powerful. You're just not listening.


----------



## vellocet

> I'm tired of cheating. How can I make my husband be the man I want him to be?


So lets see if we get this straight.

You cheat on your H.

You plan on divorcing because you want OM

OM ends up deciding he wants his wife and flies her off to Cancun.

You don't have OM, so NOW you want your H back as 2nd choice so you aren't alone.

And you, as the cheater, want your husband to do the changing to accommodate what YOU want?


Oh no no no. You don't get to get up on a high horse, call yourself a queen and expect him to bow down to you.

Its true, if two people are to make a marriage work, then they BOTH need to work on it.

But the problem with your situation here is that you have an elevated sense of self, think you are all that, and expect him to grovel to you.

That wouldn't work even if you hadn't cheated. But now that you have, you need to be the one to make it up to him first. Then, if your H is willing to work on things, can it move forward.

But I don't see this working. You have a sense of entitlement and no good man will put up with that for long.

A cheating woman that wants to be treated like the queen she thinks she is?  This isn't going to end well unless your H is a spineless lapdog.

Why don't you just do him a favor and file for divorce, because I don't think he really knows whats best for him right now, and I fear he is being gaslighted by you.


----------



## BlueCalcite

user_zero said:


> I am almost certain you have NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia). it may not be curable but at least you can understand and take control of your condition a lot better than this. seek help for YOUR ISSUES.


Narcissists don't seek advice from others on how to accomplish their objectives. That would be an admission of their imperfect intellect.


----------



## angellily

Almost 10 pages of comments and only a handful of useful posts. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too maany stone throwers in here. I'll just be on my way and I'll figure out a way to deal with this. Have a good weekend.


----------



## BlueCalcite

angellily said:


> I'll just be on my way and I'll figure out a way to deal with this.


See, the posts were useful afterall....


----------



## user_zero

BlueCalcite said:


> Narcissists don't seek advice from others on how to accomplish their objectives. That would be an admission of their imperfect intellect.


she is not admitting to any imperfection on her part. she is asking us to help her to change her husband to the man she likes him to be. she is saying there is something wrong with her husband not her.

plus: people with personality disorders don't always follow the pattern. they regress too. actually unhealthy unsuccessful regression is the common part between personality disorders.

but who am i to debate. just check the symptom part. she has all of it in one package.


----------



## JCD

Huh.

Well, I assume you aren't a troll.

That being said: what you want, you cannot get. There is no more 'new husband smell' on him. You have heard all the jokes. The fantasy of how wonderful he WILL be has been burned away by history. You know him. You didn't know the OM as intimately so the fantasy was easy to apply to the OM.

You cannot change him. If you want to make it, you need to learn to love the man he is, not the man you want.

Since you seem so dead set against accepting him as is, I would suggest respectfully that you seek what you want elsewhere.

However, I anticipate that when the new man's 'new husband smell' wears off, you will once again wonder what happened and cast your glance elsewhere.

You are not coming across as sympathetic or sorry at all which is why you are getting so many negative posts.


----------



## ScubaSteve61

I'd say a great number of the posts were useful. 

You cheat on your husband. OM dumps you for his wife. You say "well, I'll let my husband try to sweep me off my feet and fix himself". 

People called you out on it. Because guess what? Most of the people in this area of the forum? We WERE your husband. We WERE OM's wife. We lived through it. We, not one of us, enjoyed it. 

To this day, 8 years and a couple odd days since my D-Day, I'm STILL affected by it.

You want to come in here and say "My husband I've been screwing around on needs to treat me like a queen" and think we're all going to bow and scrape to you? Good luck with that.

If this is a real thread and not a little guy with fuzzy hair and a gem in its belly button, then what you MUST do if you even CONSIDER yourself a good person at all, is TELL YOUR HUSBAND. And tell him EVERYTHING. Don't hold one iota back. Because you can be damn sure that he WILL find out someday.


----------



## vellocet

angellily said:


> Zero respect for my husband? You seriously don't get it. If I had no respect for him, I would have never picked up the phone and tried to make amends with him.


Uh, ahem. You only did so because OM decided he wanted to work on his marriage. Otherwise you wouldn't have called him.




> I'm not using him as a plan b. I'm giving him a chance for him to be the man to please me.


And what does he get? Other than a cheating wife?


----------



## BlueCalcite

vellocet said:


> And what does he get? Other than a cheating wife?


A subscription to the STD-of-the-month club?


----------



## vellocet

angellily said:


> Nope he doesn't know and I see no reason to tell him.


So basically you are going to lie to him, not tell him, and worse yet....you are going to make him think he is the only person in the marriage that is to blame. 

No wonder he wants another chance. He doesn't know his wife is a cheater.


----------



## vellocet

angellily said:


> Almost 10 pages of comments and only a handful of useful posts. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too maany stone throwers in here. I'll just be on my way and I'll figure out a way to deal with this. Have a good weekend.


Well you know the saying when it comes to Chinese food, "a billion Chinese can't be wrong".

So is it ALL of us? Or you?

I'll be praying for your husband.


----------



## manfromlamancha

You have got to be kidding! Either you are an expert at pushing just about every button there is to push on this forum or are seriously deluded. Let me get this straight - 
you have an affair with a more fit athletic version of your husband and (supposedly) fall in love with him
he dumps you as everyone here would have known he would for the love of his life (his wife)
you are upset and now want your doormat of a husband to step up and try and fill the void until your next encounter
all this while keeping him completely in the dark and also there are kids invoved
and you come to a forum know for cheater slaying and ask for advice on how to win

Really ?


----------



## John Lee

angellily said:


> Almost 10 pages of comments and only a handful of useful posts. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too maany stone throwers in here. I'll just be on my way and I'll figure out a way to deal with this. Have a good weekend.


Must be tough being you, living in a world full of stone throwers. You're practically a martyr.


----------



## Healer

angellily said:


> You're a real piece of work. You don't even know me and instead of saying something useful, you quote almost all of my posts from this thread. Good job!


I think what's happening here is that people can't believe that someone as...not good as you...actually exists and parades around the internet spewing this kind of insanity. It's so over the top wrong it doesn't seem plausible.


----------



## ArmyofJuan

Hypothetically...


angellily said:


> Well honestly, stuff like this happens everyday so although I may have done something bad, I'm not a bad person. Cheating is wrong but people cheat all the time.


And they are bad people for it.

You didn't make a mistake, you lived a delusional lie where you thought the other man would actually choose a married woman that cheats on her husband for his faithful wife, and not just use you for sex. Roughly only 3% of cheaters married their affair partner and they have a 75% divorce rate.



> Does that mean that half the people in the wrong are terrible?


Yes, yes it does.



> I don't mind the criticism since I'm a big girl. I was at least hoping to take something useful away from all of this.


I'm afraid that probably won't happen but one thing we all notice is that you are not self-aware and narcissistic. Your husband didn't break the marriage, you did. 


I to, call shenanigans. Everyone get a broom.


----------



## vellocet

With any luck her husband finds out just exactly WHAT he is married to, and then he won't be gaslighted into thinking all of this is his fault.

Once he realizes he has a cheating wife that blames her deplorable character on him, maybe he'll stand up for himself and decide he can do much better.


----------



## vellocet




----------



## DeusEx

Obvious troll is obvious  But oh well, it was interesting to read this thread.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

angellily said:


> Almost 10 pages of comments and *only a handful of useful posts. *Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too maany stone throwers in here. I'll just be on my way and I'll figure out a way to deal with this. Have a good weekend.


And that right there is where you need to look for your help. You want others to live in your narcissistic, bordering on socio-pathic, little world and help you accomplish your goals that ONLY have you in mind. 

99.9999 percent of the people on a marriage site aren't narcissists and can't think the way you do. We think as normal society does. We view marriage as a partnership with our spouse and in turn look for solutions that take into account the needs of both parties.

The other 0.0001% are trolls....I don't state which threads I think are trolls. I respond as if every post isn't a troll, even when I think some are.:smthumbup:


----------



## The Middleman

angellily said:


> Zero respect for my husband? You seriously don't get it. If I had no respect for him, I would have never picked up the phone and tried to make amends with him. I'm not using him as a plan b. I'm giving him a chance for him to be the man to please me. I don't want any regrets so if it doesn't work out, I want to feel that I gave everything that i could in this relationship.


:lol::lol::lol:

If you hand any respect for your husband you wouldn't have been banging another man. If you had any respect for other women, you wouldn't have been banging some other woman's husband. If you had any respect for yourself, you would see that you are just so wrong and selfish on so many levels.

Maybe I'm too old, or just too old fashioned to see where you are coming from .... that what happened was OK in your mind. I have to say that this is one of the worst cases of entitlement I've seen here (and I've seen a lot here).


----------



## workindad

angellily said:


> What part do you not understand? If he gives me everything I need, there is no need to step outside the marriage. I never said what I did was right. I'm willing to give him another chance and see how it works.




Have you given him everything he needs?


----------



## workindad

Please send your husband a link to your thread.


----------



## workindad

angellily said:


> Almost 10 pages of comments and only a handful of useful posts. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too maany stone throwers in here. I'll just be on my way and I'll figure out a way to deal with this. Have a good weekend.


I doubt you want a useful post??? But I'll try.

Please give your H a fast and favorable divorce including the kids as they need a good role model.

Next, get checked for STDs. You can't be certain who else your OM was banging aside from you and his wife. 

Then get some professional counseling for yourself.

All the best
WD


----------



## crossbar

angellily said:


> I've always been the mother that my children deserve. As far as my husband is concerned, I will be loyal and faithful to him as long as he satisfies me. There's nothing wrong with that.



OH! So, what you're telling me is that your love is conditional! That you actually didn't mean "for better or for worse".

This....can't be real. I have to be feeding a troll...

Ugh...okay, On the VERY slim chance that this is real. You need to be honest with your husband. I had an affair for three years, I left you for this other guy because I valued him more than you, because he was the man you were but is not anymore. However, he tossed me to the curb. 

But, you'll come on here and tell me, "I can do that! That would ruin everything!" Woman, you've ready ruined everything. Why wouldn't you want to tell him anyway? Are you afraid HE might leave YOU?!?! 

Are you that self absorbed and self entitled that you would continue to live in a marriage that is full of lies and deceit? That you have a husband that has to act like a trained dog to keep you satisfied and entertained. To have a husband constantly walking on egg shells afraid that you might take off again?

No sweetheart, your husband doesn't have to change a damn thing. Look in the mirror, the person staring back is the one that needs to change. That person needs to be begging for forgiveness. That person needs to be jumping through hoops to keep the man that she CLAIMS to love.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

I think it would suck to be in a marriage where your needs are not being fulfilled. Let's see if we can get things righted. Maybe if you list your husbands faults, we can come up with a game plan to make him into a better person.


----------



## CantePe

Ever hear of choice theory? I won't recommend any of the affair books to you, those aren't going to help you in your deep affair fog.

This however will clarify your own choice to be miserable:

Choice theory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Choice Theory Book by William Glasser | Trade Paperback | chapters.indigo.ca


----------



## EleGirl

angellily,

It does not sound like you are tired of cheating. Your affair partner dumped you. Now you want to use your husband as the fallback guy.

This is the first bit of truth that you have to come to terms with.

Do you have solid proof of the affair? emails, letter, pictures? If you do the put together a written time line and send it, with the evidence to his wife. Make sure it's done in a way that he cannot intercept.


----------



## BlueCalcite

I can't believe I'm still participating in this....



EleGirl said:


> Do you have solid proof of the affair? emails, letter, pictures? If you do the put together a written time line and send it, with the evidence to his wife. Make sure it's done in a way that he cannot intercept.


She'd be more likely to send the OM's wife a letter telling her how horrible a wife she is to drive her husband to cheat.

Theoretically, of course.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

Seems like the best thing to do right now would be to get the BH and WW back under the same roof and giving it a chance to see if everything will work out. If the husband is not acting correctly, it needs to be explored further so that he can improve himself.


----------



## Healer

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Seems like the best thing to do right now would be to get the BH and WW back under the same roof and giving it a chance to see if everything will work out. If the husband is not acting correctly, it needs to be explored further so that he can improve himself.


I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. :scratchhead:


----------



## Hope1964

I just read the first page and all I have to say is that if you still think the same way you were on that page, good riddance.

The entitled narcissistic selfish deluded attitude is breathtaking.


----------



## EI

Healer said:


> I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. :scratchhead:


He's totally being sarcastic! I promise. That's why I "liked" it. No one on TAM, not even the worst of the worst former WS's (like myself) is reading this thread without rolling their eyes and shaking their heads.  If I believed the OP was not a (insert forbidden word here,) I would have already ripped her a new one. But, it would be pointless because she is too far gone to help.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

I hope the OP comes back. While cheating may not be the best way to handle marital problems, you do only live once and everyone deserves to lead a happy and fulfilling life.


----------



## nancy.ramos

verpin zal said:


>





verpin zal said:


> Send your husband here.
> 
> We'll transform him into the husband you.. deserve.


VZ, you are killing me with your posts :rofl:


----------



## Gabriel

She gone


----------



## Horizon

angellily said:


> Zero respect for my husband? You seriously don't get it. If I had no respect for him, I would have never picked up the phone and tried to make amends with him. I'm not using him as a plan b. I'm giving him a chance for him to be the man to please me. I don't want any regrets so if it doesn't work out, I want to feel that I gave everything that i could in this relationship.


angellily - you don't have a clue how a relationship should work. Rule no 1: you can't change anybody. Decide what you want and go find it. Leave your husband alone and make sure you tell him the truth.


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## azteca1986

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I hope the OP comes back. While cheating may not be the best way to handle marital problems, you do only live once and everyone *deserves* to lead a happy and fulfilling life.


'Deserves' is one short step away from 'entitled'. The kind of people who think that it's up to others to make them happy in life will never find it.


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## Plan 9 from OS

azteca1986 said:


> 'Deserves' is one short step away from 'entitled'. The kind of people who think that it's up to others to make them happy in life will never find it.


It's what us American's believe. 



> We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.


 Thomas Jefferson - July 4, 1776


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## azteca1986

The 'pursuit of Happiness' implies effort.

Otherwise it would read something like:

"Life, Liberty and Having Happiness Bestowed Upon Ye."


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## Plan 9 from OS

azteca1986 said:


> *The 'pursuit of Happiness' implies effort.*
> 
> Otherwise it would read something like:
> 
> "Life, Liberty and Having Happiness Bestowed Upon Ye."


Agree. Since her old man no longer did it for her, she pursued her own happiness.


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## azteca1986

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Agree. Since her old man no longer did it for her, she pursued her own happiness.


She must have made a bad choice somewhere; she doesn't sound too happy. 

Perhaps being fvcked by a man who was already married wasn't where she should have be looking for her happiness.


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## Plan 9 from OS

azteca1986 said:


> She must have made a bad choice somewhere; she doesn't sound too happy.
> 
> Perhaps being fvcked by a man who was already married wasn't where she should have be looking for her happiness.


She was happy until her partner decided to not hold up his end of the bargain. He was supposed to leave his wife for her but reneged. In my book that's deceitful. Put yourself in her shoes. She finally found happiness after her husband pulled the old bait and switch on her - only to find out that the other guy who was supposed to be committed to her finked out. Sometimes even when you do your part, things fall through.


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## Healer

EI said:


> He's totally being sarcastic! I promise. That's why I "liked" it. No one on TAM, not even the worst of the worst former WS's (like myself) is reading this thread without rolling their eyes and shaking their heads.  If I believed the OP was not a (insert forbidden word here,) I would have already ripped her a new one. But, it would be pointless because she is too far gone to help.


K. But after reading posts from a certain "strayer" I wouldn't put anything past anyone.


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## nogutsnoglory

hey I left to get popcorn, don't tell me the show is over.


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## azteca1986

Plan 9 from OS said:


> She was happy until her partner decided to not hold up his end of the bargain. He was supposed to leave his wife for her but reneged. In my book that's deceitful. Put yourself in her shoes. She finally found happiness after her husband pulled the old bait and switch on her - only to find out that the other guy who was supposed to be committed to her finked out.


Ha! I think you've just proved my point. When I read your first sentence I thought you were referring to her husband. To re-cap:

1. Her husband made her happy, so they married
2. She felt unhappy till she found someone like her husband used to be
3. Then the OM, who made her happy, re-committed to his own marriage
4. Now she's unhappy

When will she learn that she'll never find happiness from other people? She needs to learn how to make herself happy.

Btw, fvcking a married man and betraying your husband and children isn't 'doing your part' as a wife or mother.


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## verpin zal

nancy.ramos said:


> VZ, you are killing me with your posts :rofl:


Behehe. Her Royal Woe Is Me and Selfishness pushed so many buttons I thought folks could use some laughing. :smthumbup:


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## Laba

wow, I thought I've seen it all. My condolences to this women's husband....


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## SolidSnake

Successful troll was successful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree

I've been gone all day and come on TAM to see this? Is angelilly gone already? I actually had some seriously constructive advice for her. If you come back angelilly I would be happy to try to help you in this very difficult situation.


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## Headspin

workindad said:


> Please send your husband a link to your thread.


I think this is a great idea wdad. We could work on him to try to change him to be the husband 'queenie' here really deserves

At one point I thought she was a comedy script writer

:lol:


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## John Lee

I'm kind of bummed she left. I think we let the stones fly too early -- should have strung her along. I would love to hear more about this woman's views on things.


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## EleGirl

angellily said:


> Post 131....
> 
> Almost 10 pages of comments and only a handful of useful posts. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too maany stone throwers in here. I'll just be on my way and I'll figure out a way to deal with this. Have a good weekend.


Who are all of you still talking to? She left the building with Evils.... pages ago. 

:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl

John Lee said:


> I'm kind of bummed she left. I think we let the stones fly too early -- should have strung her along. I would love to hear more about this woman's views on things.


This is pretty typical of what happens with WS who comes here. Instead of taking the opportunity to bring the WS around, the stones start flying and the WS runs off. 

Oh well. I guess it's entertainment for some.


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## John Lee

EleGirl said:


> Who are all of you still talking to? She left the building with *Evils*.... pages ago.
> 
> :scratchhead:


hahaha best typo ever


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## Headspin

EleGirl said:


> This is pretty typical of what happens with WS who comes here. Instead of taking the opportunity to bring the WS around, the stones start flying and the WS runs off.
> 
> Oh well. I guess it's entertainment for some.


I've got to ask

Genuinely - given the opening post and subsequent comments do you actually think 

a/ it was all likely a troll

b/ that this person could actually be brought round at all

c/ that you would want someone so gratuitously and obviously plain evil to be inflicted upon that sad annihilated husband of hers

I'll be honest if I thought I'd helped somebody like her get back together with and drive her husband into an early grave with what she is obviously all about I'd be ashamed of myself

I would


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## ne9907

Too bad she left.
There are plenty of people out there who believe their happiness depends on someone loving/showing attention to them. I was one of them. 

If she is somehow reading this, 
You need to focus on what makes you happy. Make yourself happy first. Do not string anyone else along. When you can truly say to yourself you are happy with yourself then you can find a good and honest relationship.


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## EleGirl

Headspin said:


> I've got to ask
> 
> Genuinely - given the opening post and subsequent comments do you actually think
> 
> a/ it was all likely a troll


She might have been a troll. Or she might not have been. Sometime trolls come up with threads that are interesting. I think of some of them like the case studies we used to do in college. They were fake but they could lead to an “ah ha” moment either to the group working on them (like posters here) or a class member or two during the presentation (like all the people who just read here.)

Who knows, maybe some selfish, cheating creep who is reading would see themselves here.


Headspin said:


> b/ that this person could actually be brought round at all


Yep, I think that this person can be brought around. Anyone can. Yes I’m an optimist in my heart and soul. 

I’ve seen all kinds of lost souls brought around. You never know who you will get a chance to influence in a positive way until you take advantage of the situation.


Headspin said:


> c/ that you would want someone so gratuitously and obviously plain evil to be inflicted upon that sad annihilated husband of hers


Why do you assume that the solution I’d be going for is for her to go back to her husband? The best solution at this point is probably her realizing that she more than lost her way and learning to be a better person. 


Headspin said:


> I'll be honest if I thought I'd helped somebody like her get back together with and drive her husband into an early grave with what she is obviously all about I'd be ashamed of myself


Do you really assume that this is the only possible outcome of giving her some support?


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## Headspin

EleGirl said:


> She might have been a troll. Or she might not have been. Sometime trolls come up with threads that are interesting. I think of some of them like the case studies we used to do in college. They were fake but they could lead to an “ah ha” moment either to the group working on them (like posters here) or a class member or two during the presentation (like all the people who just read here.)
> 
> Who knows, maybe some selfish, cheating creep who is reading would see themselves here.
> 
> Yep, I think that this person can be brought around. Anyone can. Yes I’m an optimist in my heart and soul.
> 
> I’ve seen all kinds of lost souls brought around. You never know who you will get a chance to influence in a positive way until you take advantage of the situation.
> 
> Why do you assume that the solution I’d be going for is for her to go back to her husband? The best solution at this point is probably her realizing that she more than lost her way and learning to be a better person.
> 
> Do you really assume that this is the only possible outcome of giving her some support?


I don't know but you do seem to be on some kind of a 'support the wayward' mission in regards us posters reaction to them. I think sometimes you have a point but here you don't have any point at all

Why wave your flag here in this thread when clearly this person / opening poster is about as least deserving of any support that you could ever imagine.

Personally I have forgiven a wayward way too many times and have seen on here so many times how much of a folly that is and so few of them deserve any kind of support at all - this person in this thread about the least of them all

I rely on my life experience and I've seen far too many selfish entitled gratuitous people that don't give a flying fk about anybody or anything other than themselves nomatter what it costs to anybody else either 

Cheats generally fall into this category rather all to easily. 
Not ALL of them but nearly all of them


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## JCD

Headspin said:


> I don't know but you do seem to be on some kind of a 'support the wayward' mission in regards us posters reaction to them. I think sometimes you have a point but here you don't have any point at all
> 
> Why wave your flag here in this thread when clearly this person / opening poster is about as least deserving of any support that you could ever imagine.
> 
> Personally I have forgiven a wayward way too many times and have seen on here so many times how much of a folly that is and so few of them deserve any kind of support at all - this person in this thread about the least of them all
> 
> I rely on my life experience and I've seen far too many selfish entitled gratuitous people that don't give a flying fk about anybody or anything other than themselves nomatter what it costs to anybody else either
> 
> Cheats generally fall into this category rather all to easily.
> Not ALL of them but nearly all of them


I agree with you. THIS person is not good material for a Reconciliation and is as egregious a poster as we get if not an actual troll.

That being said, the way the Bitter BS Brigade treats ANYONE who cheats is...really horrible.

They deny that cheaters may feel bad about the situation too.

They deny cheaters can change.

They deny that a cheater is allowed to have their own wants and needs

They deny that there was any substantial problems in the marriage previously which might have CONTRIBUTED to cheating.

And they deny that maybe a BS had a role in screwing up the Reconciliation project.

Anyone who cheats is called a wh*re or worse and if they are not abjectly abasing themselves from word ONE, they are castigated as 'being a remorseless, ultra selfish cake eater who doesn't deserve to be spit on on a hot day.'

Well...with a welcome like THAT, I have NO idea why they don't stick around...

Now...THIS person? Not a great example. I can think of at least three though who were chased off by the willful and insulting posts by some hardliners *even after they were called on it.*

So they didn't care. They were HAPPY to chase them off. THEY call it tough love. I can see the tough. Where is the love?

Do you want to fix marriages or do you want to vent at cheaters? There is only one moral choice.

This is not to say that SOME really don't deserve a chance. And we do good work in showing what the red flags are of being gaslighted for the betrayed. We do a good job in offering emotional support to the Betrayed.

But in educating and changing cheaters? In offering boundaries and helping them realize where and how they have a problem...and pointing out that maybe SOME of the problems they are angry about are valid? In emotionally supporting a cheater who is essentially an addict?

Here TAM gets a solid F.


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## EleGirl

Headspin said:


> I don't know but you do seem to be on some kind of a 'support the wayward' mission in regards us posters reaction to them. I think sometimes you have a point but here you don't have any point at all


“Support the wayward”. That’s ridiculous. On TAM, usually anyone who does not call WSs nasty names and attack them is accused of being supportive of cheaters. There are other ways talk to people besides attacking them which are not supportive of their cheating. But WS bashing is a sport here.



Headspin said:


> Why wave your flag here in this thread when clearly this person / opening poster is about as least deserving of any support that you could ever imagine.


It’s not your place to judge who I feel can be helped or how feel they can be helped. 



Headspin said:


> Personally I have forgiven a wayward way too many times and have seen on here so many times how much of a folly that is and so few of them deserve any kind of support at all - this person in this thread about the least of them all


Who, besides you, is saying anything about forgiving a WS?



Headspin said:


> I rely on my life experience and I've seen far too many selfish entitled gratuitous people that don't give a flying fk about anybody or anything other than themselves nomatter what it costs to anybody else either
> 
> Cheats generally fall into this category rather all to easily.
> 
> Not ALL of them but nearly all of them


I guess we’ll never know if there was a way to get the OP to understand that she’s broken in so many ways and that she can grow and improve as a person. Let’s make very sure that that never happens around here.


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## EleGirl

JCD said:


> I agree with you. THIS person is not good material for a Reconciliation and is as egregious a poster as we get if not an actual troll.
> 
> That being said, the way the Bitter BS Brigade treats ANYONE who cheats is...really horrible.
> 
> They deny that cheaters may feel bad about the situation too.
> 
> They deny cheaters can change.
> 
> They deny that a cheater is allowed to have their own wants and needs
> 
> They deny that there was any substantial problems in the marriage previously which might have CONTRIBUTED to cheating.
> 
> And they deny that maybe a BS had a role in screwing up the Reconciliation project.
> 
> Anyone who cheats is called a wh*re or worse and if they are not abjectly abasing themselves from word ONE, they are castigated as 'being a remorseless, ultra selfish cake eater who doesn't deserve to be spit on on a hot day.'
> 
> Well...with a welcome like THAT, I have NO idea why they don't stick around...
> 
> Now...THIS person? Not a great example. I can think of at least three though who were chased off by the willful and insulting posts by some hardliners *even after they were called on it.*
> 
> So they didn't care. They were HAPPY to chase them off. THEY call it tough love. I can see the tough. Where is the love?
> 
> Do you want to fix marriages or do you want to vent at cheaters? There is only one moral choice.
> 
> This is not to say that SOME really don't deserve a chance. And we do good work in showing what the red flags are of being gaslighted for the betrayed. We do a good job in offering emotional support to the Betrayed.
> 
> But in educating and changing cheaters? In offering boundaries and helping them realize where and how they have a problem...and pointing out that maybe SOME of the problems they are angry about are valid? In emotionally supporting a cheater who is essentially an addict?
> 
> Here TAM gets a solid F.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Headspin

EleGirl said:


> I guess we’ll never know if there was a way to get the OP to understand that she’s broken in so many ways and that she can grow and improve as a person. Let’s make very sure that that never happens around here.


That's the point for me 

"she's broken" 

I think you are blind to the fact that although "she's broken" 

She's spent her life and will continue to spend her life 'breaking' destroying *every body else's life* around her and does not give two shvts about it and I personally, like many who been on the end of this kind of person, finally, now that I recognize one of these people from a distance of a thousand miles could'nt give two fks about people like her 

You can't help someone *like this* you never will - EVER, you can only imo hope they destroy themselves and leave everybody else alone

'she's broken' :scratchhead:

do me a favor


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## BobSimmons

Headspin said:


> I've got to ask
> 
> Genuinely - given the opening post and subsequent comments do you actually think
> 
> a/ it was all likely a troll
> 
> b/ that this person could actually be brought round at all
> 
> c/ that you would want someone so gratuitously and obviously plain evil to be inflicted upon that sad annihilated husband of hers
> 
> I'll be honest if I thought I'd helped somebody like her get back together with and drive her husband into an early grave with what she is obviously all about I'd be ashamed of myself
> 
> I would


I haven't commented in this thread because as soon as I read the intro, I went "Oh boy". It does look like a post get to a rise out of people, maybe the OP was genuine, but for the life of me I can't understand, if she had joined the forum and read the other threads what she thought the outcome would be?

It's not so much she was cheating, but the lack of remorse, clearly the man had been plan B how he had to change not her. I haven't read the responses but it's safe to say she probably got it with both barrels, if true, not a problem. This is life, outside views will not conform to hers. But it does seem a wee bit trollish


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## azteca1986

Nobody in real life uses the phrase "I want him to treat me like the queen I am"

Still, there was good post or two in here, so the thread can still be of use to people reading TAM.


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## 86857

angellily said:


> Ok I know people frown on this kind of thing so I will get this out the way first.
> I've been cheating on my husband for the past 3 years!


If this wasn't a troll, it was someone who needed the help of a psychiatrist and not TAM. BTW, if I was going to do the troll thang I couldn't think of a better opener!


> Funny, handsome, athletic.....he had it all.


Shucks! A tear comes to my eye. it's just like in the movies.


> I've sensed my husband has always knew something was wrong and I believe that's why he has tried so hard to please me. We've been to countless marriage sessions to try to "work" on our marriage but none of it ever worked. All of this constant pressure really took a toll on me.


A toll? On her? What about WH bending over backwards to please his 'queen'. OMG, I wish Mr FunnyAthleticHandsome didn't let her down at the altar, so to speak, in order to relieve WH of his burdensome queen. MrFAHFAH might have also been smart. Sorry, I'm giving away the ending. 


> I made a pact with the man that I was sleeping with


A pact? Oh, and may I introduce you to 'the man I am sleeping with'. It is a movie. I can hear violins.


> We were together for so long that I felt this was the right choice for *me* to be happy.


 What about WH and the poor kiddies. Shudder!


> So I separated from my husband earlier this year against his wishes. He wanted to stay and try to make things work. . .


Poor sod, battling away in counselling for years and $1000s of dollars down the gurgler while his queen kept meeting 'the man she was sleeping with'/Mr FHA. 

*This is my favourite part of the movie:
*


> Now what does my true lover go and do? He goes to Cancun with his wife and renews his wedding vows!!!!!


:rofl::rofl::rofl: 


> He didn't tell me but I just found out this week. I'm so hurt and didn't know that he could hurt me so bad. All this time, he claims he wants to be with me. Now he decides he wants to be with his wife. *Oh and get this, he still wants to keep having sex with me.* That's just not going to happen.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
Sorry, I'm hysterical. I don't know if I can watch the finish.


> So I've decided that I want to work things out with my "almost" ex husband. We've been talking this week and he wants to come back home and try again. I really want to give him another chance and I want to know what I can do *to change him into the man I originally married*. I feel like he has taken me for granted all these years and that's what caused me to cheat. I never wanted to hurt him but we both deserve to be happy. I want him to treat me *like the queen I am* and to stop going through the motions.


Oh, can I just introduce you to 'my almost ex-husband'. Unfortunately the 'man I'm sleeping with' couldn't make it tonight. 
Change me? Me? But I am a queen! It's clearly all his fault. He's not funny or handsome or athletic any more.


> Sorry for the rant and I'm sure I left something out.


No problem. Can't for the life of me think what you might have left out though.


> I know this marriage can't be a lost cause and I need to know what to do to make it work.


A heart transplant.

PS Had to have been a troll. And a damn fine one if I may say so. I'm sure hoping so for the sake of 'the soon to be ex-husband'.


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## bfree

Posters like Elegirl and JCD represent the more balanced viewpoint here on TAM. There used to be more of them but it seems the prevailing opinion here has been leaing more to the hardline stance lately. Sometimes the hardline stance is correct but multiple viewpoints should always be encouraged just to make sure that all avenues are considered. I try to be more moderate in my approach but admittedly I do sometimes slip into "Hulk Smash" mode. I have vehemently disagreed with both Elegirl and JCD on occasion but I would never want them to stop posting. I'm arrogant but not arrogant enough to think I have all the answers.


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