# Self Help



## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

I've gone from definite divorce to possible divorce. My wife and I are both going to attend IC and depending on how that goes we may attend MC. My intention during this time is to just try to better myself if not just for the sake of us for the sake of my future. I don't know how much affection I should show right now if any. I also know that I just need to be consistent in my actions in being nice, loving and confident in myself. 
Are there a book/books that can help?


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## rabbislatkin (Sep 23, 2013)

It makes sense you might be in a quandary as to how to proceed but it is promising that you went from definite to possible. Anything you can do to learn about yourself and how you act in relationships will only benefit you in the long run, whether you stay together or not. 
As I do not know the details of your situation and why you are both attending individual counseling instead of married counseling, I do think it is worth pointing out that the individual counseling may not necessarily help you reconcile. In fact, it could point out reasons why not to stay in the relationship. In the worst case, it could even encourage divorce. So, it is good to be aware that the best way to deal with your issues as a couple is to do it together. 

Although I may be biased as a marriage counselor, I hear regular stories from clients as well as others who contact me where they share how individual therapy was not always encouraging for their relationship. I discuss this at length in chapter 2 of my book which is available for a free download *here*. You may also find the book helpful in moving forward as you and your wife sort out your future together.


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