# Behaviour Unacceptable?



## jeep31 (May 13, 2015)

Having a real problem with my husband right now. He came home later than usual and didn't respond to any of my texts or emails. Finally this morning, he tells me he was out with a female that he met randomly and they went out for drinks. This isn't someone he met at work, just some random chick on the street. He says she is a model. Apparently there has been some conversations between them without my knowledge.

He says he never did anything with her (sex, touching or kissing). Then he says he has met up with at least 4 other women for the same thing. He says this is his way of relieving stress and getting away from it all. He then continues by telling me that I shouldn't be upset and not to push him away. I have tried to get him to hang out with other guys, find a hobby go to counseling, but he won't listen. He is extremely anti-social but not when it comes to beautiful women. 

I am beginning to wonder who did I marry. It seems he loves the attention he gets from other women. He is very handsome, but I can't take it anymore. He tells me he loves, but this not what I consider acceptable behaviour for marriage. Please tell me if I am wrong.

Am I being paranoid or stupid?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It sounds like he is cheating.

His behavior is super duper weird and inappropriate.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

jeep31 said:


> Having a real problem with my husband right now. He came home later than usual and didn't respond to any of my texts or emails. Finally this morning, he tells me *he was out with a female that he met randomly and they went out for drinks*. This isn't someone he met at work, just some random chick on the street. He says she is a model. Apparently *there has been some conversations between them* without my knowledge.
> 
> He says he never did anything with her (sex, touching or kissing). Then he says *he has met up with at least 4 other women for the same thing*. He says this is his way of relieving stress and getting away from it all. He then continues by telling me that I shouldn't be upset and not to push him away. I have tried to get him to hang out with other guys, find a hobby go to counseling, but he won't listen. He is extremely anti-social but not when it comes to beautiful women.
> 
> ...



Who did you marry? 

My guess is that you married an unrepentant serial cheater. Your husband is actively picking up and dating (at the very least) other women. Is that something you're okay with in your marriage? Why would you want to be married to someone who apparently considers himself single?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Wow what a ****head. He doesn't even follow normal cheater protocol and lie....just tells you straight up he is out with other women? Not only A cheater but maybe narcissist ?

I guess you could try and lay down some boundrys but not sure it would work with this guy. Was he like this before marriage? If so why did you marry him?


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## RobQ (Mar 1, 2015)

This behavior is entirely inappropriate. What you know about is likely the tip of the iceberg.

If you are able, I would move out. Marriage counseling is in order but as leopards don't change their spots, sadly, I don't think your marriage will last.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Whether he is cheating or not, he is somewhat narcissistic at the very least. He uses beautiful women to boost his ego most likely. He does get something from this.

His disregard of your feelings on the matter means he at least sees you less than what he gets from this. He tried manipulating you with guilt, making it sound like your the one breaking boundaries. If you behaved in the same manner, the story would be different then.

Detach and see who your husband really is. Love will haze your view of him.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Wow, totally inappropriate!! He is literally out there dating other women. Now that you know what he is up to, what do you plan on doing about it?


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## jeep31 (May 13, 2015)

Thanks for your responses. Just as I thought, this behaviour is not acceptable. He is trying to have it both ways. I really don't have any desire to work anything out with him at the moment...just pack my bags and go. I don't trust him. The sad part is we have a 5 year old daughter.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jeep31 said:


> Having a real problem with my husband right now. He came home later than usual and didn't respond to any of my texts or emails. Finally this morning, he tells me he was out with a female that he met randomly and they went out for drinks. This isn't someone he met at work, just some random chick on the street. He says she is a model. Apparently there has been some conversations between them without my knowledge.
> 
> *He says he never did anything with her (sex, touching or kissing). Then he says he has met up with at least 4 other women for the same thing. He says this is his way of relieving stress and getting away from it all. He then continues by telling me that I shouldn't be upset and not to push him away.*


LOL. Riiiiiiiiiight...



jeep31 said:


> I have tried to get him to hang out with other guys, find a hobby go to counseling, but he won't listen. *He is extremely anti-social but not when it comes to beautiful women.*


Convenient, huh?



jeep31 said:


> I am beginning to wonder who did I marry. It seems he loves the attention he gets from other women. He is very handsome, but I can't take it anymore. He tells me he loves, but this not what I consider acceptable behaviour for marriage. Please tell me if I am wrong.


You're not wrong.



jeep31 said:


> Am I being paranoid...


No



jeep31 said:


> ...or stupid?


Only if you actually _believe_ the bullsh*t that he's shoveling your way.

I'll spell it out for you...

H-E

I-S

C-H-E-A-T-I-N-G


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

When I first met my wife (before we married), she could not help but to notice that ALL my friends were very beautiful women. My wife and I would walk across campus and some adorable red head with curly hair would wave and say hello to me and then the same with a blonde a few minutes later. At the time, all those women were JUST friends because they were mostly failed relationships that never made it past the "friend zone." My soon to be wife was NOT happy to discover a solid pattern of attractive females as my friends and she put a stop to it. 

THEN I eventually grew up and focused on what was important in life which was my career and getting married. Once that happened all those other "friendships" quickly faded away.

Now when I need to relieve stress, I go play with the kids and let myself be a kid again until we all get in trouble with mom! I mean come on, a yoga ball, a trampoline, a six pack of mountain dew, a sprinkler, and playing bouncing bronco ball rider with the kids should all be perfectly safe right?

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

And how is this different than when a woman just wants to relieve a little stress and get a little attention from the boys at the club? I noticed at least one of the gals digging for her pitchfork and torches would call a husband a controlling neanderthal by having a problem with THAT. But the MAN getting an ego boost? 

LYNCH HIM!!!


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

He's going on dates. He is actively seeking other relationships. As he unwilling to take the steps to change his ways, I don't think there is another recourse but to leave your relationship. If this is acceptable for you then stay, if not leave as soon as you can. I could not accept the scenario of your marriage. I am a married woman, ongoing 35 years married. Have courage to chose what you can live with...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jeep31 said:


> Thanks for your responses. Just as I thought, this behaviour is not acceptable. He is trying to have it both ways. I really don't have any desire to work anything out with him at the moment...just pack my bags and go. I don't trust him. The sad part is we have a 5 year old daughter.


Be thankful she is young so you can get her away from this before it ever becomes a notion that this is ok behavior


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## jeep31 (May 13, 2015)

We had a row about this later today. He admitted she was more than a friend. He is a narcissist. I can't believe what he was saying and admitting to me. I don't mind him going out and having fun, but i knew there was more to it. He was trying to play mind games with me. I am floored and can't think straight.

I thought things were so good in the beginning of our relationship. We just relocated to another city and things have taken a downward spiral. We moved from my home state, where I had a network of friends and a career. We moved because of his career and he wanted me to be a stay at home mom, I agreed. The source of tension in our marriage as always been my independence. I always told him I wasn't perfect, but I am trying to be a good wife. I really tried to be a good wife, I really did. At this point I need counselling. I feel like I have lost who I am as a person.

Thanks again for reading and responding.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My goodness! This is not a marriage .


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

jeep31 said:


> We had a row about this later today. He admitted *she was more than a friend*.


If I were you I would admit to him that *he is less than a husband*. Regain your independence and go...

I would not put up with that. Life is too short.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I am so sorry you are going though this, you deserve better and are worth so much more than this.

He is cheating, and then throwing it in your face to punish you. This boy does not have love for you, what he has is contempt. Get away from him so that you can think clearly. As long as you stick around he will manipulate you until you are completely broken and unable to help yourself. Take control NOW while you are still healthy enough to do so.
Get out.

Please come back, keep posting, you are not alone here, a majority of us here have grown from experiences like this, and have taken over our lives. Keep posting, and seek some individual counseling *IC* even if its just to clear your mind, a little fresh air never hurt anybody.


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> And how is this different than when a woman just wants to relieve a little stress and get a little attention from the boys at the club? I noticed at least one of the gals digging for her pitchfork and torches would call a husband a controlling neanderthal by having a problem with THAT. But the MAN getting an ego boost?
> 
> LYNCH HIM!!!


No I can fairly assume that if a woman was actively dating while married and seeking attention from other men, that we would say the same thing.

Maybe it is okay to date other people and seek out other people while married where you come from, or maybe you were not raised properly. I don't know. 

But no lynching. Just disgust. Ick.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Yes, this is completely unacceptable no matter who is doing it! You just cannot date while you're married, unless you have an open marriage of course, but then both people have to be on-board with it.

By the way, I can't believe anyone is bold-faced to just lay it out like that! The good news is that you don't have to put up with the lying that almost always accompanies cheating, or at least not nearly as much. Obviously no one would believe he was just friends with these women, so that claim is pretty much irrelevant!


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## saubryn (May 12, 2015)

You're not being paranoid. That's a very strange thing your husband is doing, even if he really is "Just talking", and I'm rather doubtful of that.

I'm normally a supporter of opposite sex friendships, but there are several things worrying me about the OP. Firstly, I think that the friendships should be based on something - if I meet someone at a club (as in hobby group, not night club) that I get on with then I don't care what gender they are, I'll let the friendship grow. My husband feels the same way. But that doesn't extend to approaching random strangers in the street because they're good looking! One is bonding with someone over a specific shared interest, the other sounds like speed dating :/

The other thing is the secrecy. Going for a coffee with some random girl that happens to be a model, ignoring your messages and leaving you wondering where he is, then admitting it afterwards is pretty disrespectful. Doing it with several women makes me think he just doesn't care how you feel. 

I wonder if he's chatting up these girls to "see if he's still got it" but then enjoys the security of coming home to you every night?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Froggi said:


> No I can fairly assume that if a woman was actively dating while married and seeking attention from other men, that we would say the same thing.
> 
> Maybe it is okay to date other people and seek out other people while married where you come from, or maybe you were not raised properly. I don't know.
> 
> But no lynching. Just disgust. Ick.


What he is doing is NO different than the married gals getting sl.utted up and hitting the clubs to dance and flirt with the boys. NO DIFFERENT. Yet this guy needs to die but the gals just need to unwind.

Double standard BIG TIME.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

In a situation like this.. as he is clearly not a sensitive man ...in the face of this hurting you.. he has continued.. doesn't appear to have any remorse that THIS is WRONG.. maybe he hasn't crossed a physical line.. but it's murky ... and heading to a slippery slope where he will be put into temptation and many a man "Falls" ....

You have not spoken if there were red flags LIKE THIS while dating him.. always wanting a beautiful woman "in his back pocket" so to speak -for an ego boost/ relieving a little stress??

When we marry.. we are to forsake all others.. bringing our everything to each other.. reviving those emotional bonds.. we are to be each others EGO BOOST.. unfortunately this doesn't always happen ... we're living day to day with each other, the excitement wanes, a little apathy may set in...things get a little boring..and we slow down on the flirting, validating each other..

And/ or sometimes unresolved resentments enter in, which allows a crack in our relationship, more vulnerable to outsiders...without a strong value system here to forsake these things..it won't be looking good ... 

Just wondering if he was ALWAYS like this. or this is someting new , not like him ... 

Take charge over YOU...don't accept the unacceptable from him...if you are a faithful woman.. you deserve a faithful man.


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