# Not sure of next step



## mwla (Nov 27, 2010)

I have been married for 11 years (I am 46 with two kids, 9 and 7). My husband is kind, thoughtful and a great father. The issue is he has been out of work for nine months. He has taken freelance work to help make ends meet, but it is not enough. I took a full time job a year a half ago and am making a very good living, which is supporting our family. My job is extremely stressful and I travel 3-4 days a week. My husband is looking for work, but doesn't get the job after every interview. He is just "too nice" and really doesn't have that drive to make a lot of money. He grew up with a mother and father who lived beyond their means and I just found out that they declared bankruptcy more than once (for spending irresponsibly).I think he thinks that lifestyle is okay. I am so worried that my husband can't get a job that will help (even when he does work, I still make 2x his salary and my job is the one with benefits, 401k,etc...). I feel trapped, scared and worried. I love him, but don't see my life going in the direction I want. Thanks for any insight.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

There are a ton of people who have been out of work much longer than your husband; some people are looking at 2 or even 3 years out of work. Jobs are not plentiful right now, but applicants are, so employers can be incredibly choosy about who they hire. 

Here's the big question: if your job is stressful, and you're feeling trapped, scared, and worried now, when he is still around to help with the kids and everything else, how will that be made better by leaving him? If you divorce him, you become a single mother. It all falls to you then to be fully financially responsible for the house and kids, to take care of the house and the kids, to cook and clean, help with homework, etc. If he's not working now, he should at least be cleaning the house, helping the kids with homework, cooking dinner, etc. 

If you leave him now, while he's not working, it's likely he won't be ordered to pay very much in child support, depending on where you live. Right now, he takes freelance jobs to make a little extra. If you divorce him, then you don't even have that. Anything he makes will go to pay his own bills, and you might get whatever little bit of child support was ordered, if he doesn't become a deadbeat that doesn't pay it. 

If you're worried he overspends or something like that, then simply take over the financial aspect of things so that he doesn't have that option. 

I really don't think leaving him is going to solve anything. Especially if your only problem is money, I think you'll find later that you regret leaving, and by then it will probably be too late.


----------



## BeYou (Aug 17, 2012)

I sure hope you're not seriously considering leaving. This sounds like an issue that you should both be able to work through no problem. Sit down and talk, go to a counsellor if need be. But don't run from the problem. I think you'd look back and regret it...but maybe not until it's too late.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This thread is years old!


----------

