# I want to end my marriage but



## kbutterfly8 (Oct 8, 2014)

I never seem to have the courage. Nor do I want to see my parents hurt. 

My husband and I have been married for a year and together for almost five. Before we got engaged things were normal but overtime we have both become so resentful and hateful to each other. I hate when he drinks and acts like a 5 years old and how lazy he is and self absorbed and he hates that I nag and tell him what to doÃ‚Â*

We're fine most days but then every month or two something always gets provoked and becomes a huge issue. Just the other day he went out and got so drunk. The next morning the mattress was soiled in pee and the sink clogged in vomit. When I said something about throwing up in the toilet instead of clogging the sink, he shoved me and told me to f off. I got upset and started yelling. And that's when he slapped me. This has happened countless times where if I raise my voice I get hit and he tells me don't ever yell at him and he won't hit me. Then we stop talking for a few days until I apologize because I can't bear the silence.Ã‚Â*

Anyway this time things escalated he shoved me on the floor and kicked me in the ribs and back and threw me to the ground and dragged me. I didn't want to call my parents. It was their anniversary and I don't want to ruin it for them so I didn't speak to him the entire day and spent it alone in my room. Later that day I ordered pizza and he got annoyed I didn't cook.. And punched me in the face and threw a slice of pizza on me. He then went into the kitchen and poured the milk on the entire floor. I cried and cried but obviously he knew I would clean it up and I did. Just like I cleaned his vomit and the mattress. He spent the day watching movies and playing xbox.Ã‚Â*

The next day I didn't pick up my parents phones calls which is really rare for me to do. They got worried and came over since we've been here before with his anger issues. Just the month before he swore and pushed me in front of my parents because I was tired and wanted to leave a wedding by 12 am.Ã‚Â*
Anyway my parents took me home and brought me to their house. Ice been here since. We haven't spoken but he sent by an email telling me I'm a b-word and he wants me to call the cops and tell his family so he doesn't have to deal with me anymore. Anytime I have gone to his parents after him excessively drinking or swearing at me nothing comes out of it. They talk to him. He lies. They all move on. And here I am just wondering why I even want to try to resolve this. I'm part of an Indian family and he grew up in a house hold where most of this is normal. I grew up in a loving home where my parents don't drink and respect each other. I hate his drinking and I hate getting beat up. I don't know what to do except just go back and get over it because then my parents won't be upset at the situation and sad..Ã‚Â*
I just can't understand how small things like him throwing up escalate. It's always like this. Am I handling the situation wrong?Ã‚Â*


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## Coco2014 (May 8, 2014)

He sounds like a horrible person. Even Him wants to get out of this marriage. Then why not you plan to get out?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

kbutterfly8 said:


> I never seem to have the courage. Nor do I want to see my parents hurt.
> 
> My husband and I have been married for a year and together for almost five. Before we got engaged things were normal but overtime we have both become so resentful and hateful to each other. I hate when he drinks and acts like a 5 years old and how lazy he is and self absorbed and he hates that I nag and tell him what to doÃ‚Â*
> 
> ...


Only if you don't *FILE FOR DIVORCE FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING!!!*


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## kbutterfly8 (Oct 8, 2014)

He is a child and he says things to get a rise out of me. He constantly yells at me and refers to me a ***** to get a rise. If he wanted out, he would stop calling my parents and siblings to plan my birthday this weekend and pretending like things are normal with them and he would have filed a separation. 

He just wants control and when he can't get it he gets mad and swears and hits. I was talking to my parents and they even said he'll be over a few day to take me home. We leave two week trip to South America next Friday. I don't know what the hell to do.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Leave this marriage now before you have a house and kids to worry about. I had a similar first marriage (he also cheated on top of everything else) that lasted just a year when I was in my early 20s. I got a quick divorce since we had no assets (no kids and he came and stole the TV from the apartment while I was at school and that was really the only thing we owned). He agreed to an uncontested divorce since I could get it free through legal aid as a college student. 

That is such a long and distant bad memory of a tiny part of my life (almost feels like it wasn't even me at this point). I am now approaching my 25th wedding anniversary with my 2nd marriage to a great partner. I cannot even imagine how horrible my life would be if I had stayed in my first marriage. Some day you can look back at this in a similar way if you get out quick.

So run now. You can do so much better!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Can't you see how his abuse is getting worse and worse?

Please reread your original post and ask your self why the phuck are you putting up with this crap!

Girl I know for a fact its going to get worse....I used to be just like your old man.

Do you know what crazy is?????doing the same sh1t over and over again and expecting something to change....you girl.....are big time crazy.

Get the phuck out before your parent have to carry you put....or worse the corener has to roll you out!

If you don't put your big girl pants on and leave this @ss whole you will die and then your folks will have to bury you.....now thats phucked up towards your folks isn't it?


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## kbutterfly8 (Oct 8, 2014)

Wow that is so refreshing to hear. 

I will email a lawyer tomorrow but I know the law here says we need to be separated a year. We also have two homes a car mutual investments and a lot of jewellery. Definitely not as simple. 

I seriously can't believe this is happening to me.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

kbutterfly8 said:


> plan my birthday this weekend


No there is a good idea...let have a party and drink!!!!

And ya let go out of the country with someone that wants you dead...

WTF!!!

Its time that you start taking some real control, cuz the **** you are pulling with your old man is bull crap.....he has all the control and what little control you think you have isn't much.

If you want control then you start make choice that are for you and your best interest...not for someone else.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

kbutterfly8 said:


> .It's always like this. Am I handling the situation wrong?Ã‚Â*


Yes, you have been handling it wrong. The correct action for you to take is a swift and decisive divorce. 

Hopefully, your family can shelter you from him until you are divorced.

You would be wise to completely cut him out of your life immediately.


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## kbutterfly8 (Oct 8, 2014)

Yeah I have not responded to any of his angry emails and do not plan on responding. I just need to get my stuff this weekend while he is out or get my brother to go.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

kbutterfly8 said:


> Wow that is so refreshing to hear.
> 
> I will email a lawyer tomorrow but I know the law here says we need to be separated a year. We also have two homes a car mutual investments and a lot of jewellery. Definitely not as simple.
> 
> I seriously can't believe this is happening to me.


Life isn't simple....but it's better then getting your @ss beat once a month.....oh wait that was last month...now he is beating your @ss every other day.

Anyway....some of the biggest challenges in life have the biggest rewards. So ya its difficult but you can have a whole new life when all this crap gets behind you.:smthumbup:


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You need to get out of this marriage. That means divorce him as quickly as you can, before he kills you. Don't be so materialistic about the house, cars, and jewelry. These things won't do you any good when you are six feet under. The violence is escalating in your relationship.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

kbutterfly8 said:


> He is a child and he says things to get a rise out of me. He constantly yells at me and refers to me a ***** to get a rise. If he wanted out, he would stop calling my parents and siblings to plan my birthday this weekend and pretending like things are normal with them and he would have filed a separation.
> 
> He just wants control and when he can't get it he gets mad and swears and hits. *I was talking to my parents and they even said he'll be over a few day to take me home.* We leave two week trip to South America next Friday. I don't know what the hell to do.


I can't imagine a father and mother actually allowing their daughter to go back to such a dangerously unhealthy relationship.

I mean... *SERIOUSLY*...?!?


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## kbutterfly8 (Oct 8, 2014)

You're right. I know I deserve better than being put through this 

He kept telling me I'm wrong. If I never got "this mad" I wouldn't have got hit. His favourite line to me is "treat a b*tch like a b*itch" . He kept saying is him throwing up in the sink so bad that you had to get crazy? Well yeah it is considering this is the sixth time I had to unclog it. And he always calls me crazy when I get upset. Tells my parents I'm crazy. Tells my cousins. Just to get people on his side. Ugh


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## kbutterfly8 (Oct 8, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> kbutterfly8 said:
> 
> 
> > He is a child and he says things to get a rise out of me. He constantly yells at me and refers to me a ***** to get a rise. If he wanted out, he would stop calling my parents and siblings to plan my birthday this weekend and pretending like things are normal with them and he would have filed a separation.
> ...


My parents aren't telling me to go back. All they said to me was that it was your decision to marry him and it has to be yours only to leave him and they'll support me either way and their door is always open. I put a stop to this birthday thing as soon as they told me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You often don't need to wait a year when abuse has occurred. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kbutterfly8 (Oct 8, 2014)

I was reading about proving abuse in divorce today and that it is hard to prove. I took pictures of my bruises from Saturday and emailed them to myself but not sure how they will hold up. Not the most clear pictures.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

kbutterfly8, I am so sorry this happened, but I think others will agree with me that if you _do_ go back, nothing will change, and a sociopath like this will only "reward" you for taking off and embarrassing him.

Just know that this isn't you being a failure..as your H has seemed to probably tell that you over and over. This is a result of H having some serious issues...and does not deserve to have you as a wife...in fact, the man shouldn't be in a relationship PERIOD.

Get away and don't get sucked into his manipulation. And if anyone you know chooses to side with him and talks trash, this is what you do: CUT THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. That's it. We want a no-drama solution here, move out, move on. Of course, DOCUMENT everything...the sooner the better so you can get a restraining order...and then when he breaks the order, he can be arrested. Look up your local stalking laws too if it comes to that. Just be prepared for all contingencies if this is a guy who doesn't like to lose. He thinks you aren't going to follow-through, so just be careful and vigilant for when he realizes that you mean it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kbutterfly8 said:


> I was reading about proving abuse in divorce today and that it is hard to prove. I took pictures of my bruises from Saturday and emailed them to myself but not sure how they will hold up. Not the most clear pictures.


Do you still have bruises? Do you have pain from the beating? If you do, go to a doctor. That's how you correctly record abuse. Get your mother, or someone, to take the pictures.

The other way to get it recorded is to call the police and report his beating you up. You could still call the police and file a report.

Building a record with doctors and the police are the best way possible to prove abuses.

If it turns out that you have to be separated for a year, then that's what you do. Talk to an attorney and find out how to protect yourself from him for a year. 

Get your stuff out of the house. Get all of the legal and financial paperwork. You can take copies of them and then return it to him if you wish. 

And go no contact with him.


If you go back to him, you will most likely end up dead. Statistically, when a woman leaves an abusive husband and then goes back .. this is the time when he kills her. Don't go back. It will only get worse.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Why are you afraid to leave and why do you feel this would hurt your parents? Do your parents realize that your husband is physically abusing you? No parent should encourage a person to stay in a physically abusive relationship. How old are you? Your husband? If your parents cannot support your decision to leave please do not let that stop you. Relationships like this do not get better, they only get worse.

I was living with and engaged to a man who was just what I needed and so sweet and helpful while we were dating. He helped me so much....I was recently divorced raising two kids by myself without child support. I really needed the help and he seemed to adore my daughters.

Once we started living together though he became possessive and wanted to know where I was at all times. He started twisting my wrists to control me and get me to do what he wanted. If I did anything for fun without cleaning the house first he told me my priorities were messed up. 4 months into this relationship I knew there was something very wrong here and started trying to break things off with him and when I did it got worse. I ended up packing up all his stuff and putting it all out of the house while he was at work one day, changed the locks on the doors, and put a restraining order against him. He stalked me, went thru my trash, told the neighbors to watch me, left messages on my answering that he would burn down my house if I dated anyone else. Picked my kids up at the bus stop and asked them questions. He tried to drive me off the road at a high rate of speed. It was insane what I endured. Cops were called many times and I ended up putting a second restraining order on this man. Let me tell you restraining order do nothing. He never got anything more than "leave" from the police. I finally ended up moving out of state and I did so to protect my life. 

My parents felt there had been something I did that provoked this man to be like he was but that is not the case. I found out his first wife left him for the same reasons. There are some men who are violent and controlling. Your husband is a violent drunk. You deserve better. Take this 5 years with him as an experience and run. Get away, get out and do not let him convince you to go back! Seek counseling for yourself if you are finding it hard to get out but it is time to go while there is not children in the picture.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Divorce


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## jin (Sep 9, 2014)

Run


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

The emails he's sent you are also evidence. Verbal/written abuse goes towards proving that he is an abusive type of person. Keep all of these, even back them up and print them out. Write down all the incidents you can think of with as much detail as possible of all the incidents where he has physically abused you. Find any sort of women's centres in your area where they can assist you in figuring out what to do.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

If you don't divorce this piece of sh1t NOW, you've done a disservice to all men and women who believe in a better world where people like your husband wouldn't get away with criminal behavior.

Your husband is an alcoholic criminal. He belongs in a jail-cell not your home.

Don't be the typical Indian or middle-eastern woman that lets these sons of b1tches to thrive in a free country like Canada (I guess that's where you are). Report his abuse to the police, get a doctor record and file for divorce.

Let him go drink his problems away like he always does. Let's see where that gets him.

Can you imagine having kids with this maniac? What if your daughter says the wrong thing one day? Is she the next "b1tch" that needs to be punched and kicked like a "b1tch"? That's your husband's motto isn't it?

Divorce or live a tearful life of regrets. Your choice.


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