# 8 months pregnant - husband doesn't know if he wants to stay with me



## Mama_2B_23 (Oct 23, 2009)

Just FYI - I am 8 months pregnant. My husband just came back from a National work Conference. The final night of the conference the company rents out a place for the after party of their farewell dinner. Husband called around 10:30 to say goodnight and that he was heading over there with so and so and so and so...
Around midnight I woke up and could not go back to sleep...I decided to call him to talk and see how the night was going. He did not respond to my text messages or my calls. I called his room...he was not there. So around 1:30 I am getting worried because at a previous conference an employee had gotten drunk and wandered away from the property and was basically bludgeoned. Finally I called one of his co-workers looking for him...co-worker said he had not seen him...but would try calling him. Miraculously 10 minutes later husband calls me trying to sound all quiet saying he has been in his room for the last hour...I told him I knew he was lying..he was obviously inebriated. He said, NO really I went out with so and so over to such and such place and then I came back. 

At that point I hung up on him...and called him back at 2:30. At that point he was in his room and said he's sorry...he's had alot to drink...he went to a different bar with different people and had alot to drink and lied about where he was going cause he didn't want to "hear it" from me. The next morning he called very apologetic and sorry for lying...and I didn't deserve that. 

So he comes home and I am still irritated and crying...next thing I know we are having a discussion about how unhappy he has been for awhile. He calls me "caddy" and "controlling". I told him most women are caddy...but okay, I didn't know it was making him miserable. I knew I had "control" issues...but they haven't come up as a problem from him for well over a year...I thought I was getting better...but anyways I told him I could work on that too. 

Then the conversation turned to him not knowing if he wanted to stay in this relationship because he's heard this all before from me...and he doesn't know if he can stay this unhappy. I tried to reassure him that I want to be better for him...and I am going to make a conscious effort from here on out. But that right now...we need to be concerned about our unborn child...

He said he is concerned and wants to be there for the baby. 
This goes on for 2 more nights, I am in hysterics and we keep saying the same things over and over...I ask him if the pros of leaving this relationship outweigh the cons of leaving this relationship...he says he's thought about that and its not an easy decision. 

Personally...I feel blind sided. We have cuddled, we have even had "relations" and he has even told me in the past two weeks how excited he is for us to be having this baby and how I am such a great companion, so on and so on...I had no reason to suspect he was unhappy. We watch football every sunday together and cheer and boo together...we go to the gym together...I cook every night for him...he rubs my back when its sore...again I am just so blindsided by all of this. 

What is supposed to be a happy time for us in our relationship, and what is a time where I need to be most concerned about my body....has been turned to a mess. I can't eat full meals...I can't sleep...I cry every night. I told him I will do whatever he needs me to do to help him through this...I don't want this marriage to fall apart...but all he keeps saying is he doesn't know what he wants...he has this feeling and just can't put his finger on what it is....we're starting marriage counseling next week. It's my only hope. 

Someone...please...shed some light on this??


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm not sure of the circumstances and how controlling you were but this is my advice.

Cool things down for now. Go to MC to learn how to make the marriage better and healthy. His needs/your needs type thing.

Quit talking about the relationship. Try to get the last events out of your mind. I know it's not easy but it will help the marriage.

The more that you are highly emotional or asking for pros/cons of the relationship or beating a dead horse...it's pushing him away.

Of course, during this pregnancy, you are entitled to be a bit crabby or whatever. However, right now you may have to exhibit more self control than you'd usually need.

There are obviously some issues that he has with the marriage. This can be sorted out later in MC. In the meantime...show your love. In turn, over time, he will probably respond as well.


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## Mama_2B_23 (Oct 23, 2009)

He really has no one to talk to...most of his friends are either unmarried or they work for him and he doesn't want to cross that personal/professional line. I told him I thought he needed time to clear his head so since he has to be to work in the morning out near his parents, I thought it would be good if he went there tonight to talk to them, stay the night, get a good nights rest and hopefully get some insight from them. 

I tried calling him at work today just to see how his day was going and the conversation never even touched on the obvious until he said goodbye and I said goodbye...and he asked why everytime we hang up lately I get that weepy tone to my voice...I said because usually when we say goodbye there is an I love you in there...then he just said alright I'll talk to you later and thats how the convo ended.


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## hoping (Sep 28, 2009)

ok, so things where good and slowly improving for the last year, right?

he blindsided you out of the blue with sudden unhappyness?

he was MIA while out oof town and had to whisper over the phone?

sounds like he's having an affair and trying to justify it by bringing up your past mistakes and holding them against you? it has probably been goin on for a while and as things slowly got better with the two of you he got confused.

but what do i know... i may be a bit biased as i lived through that.. still not sure my marriage has, but i'm hoping 

good luck


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