# tonight i tell WS that i no longer want R. please help give me courage. SCARED!



## waytooforgiving

just looking for support and words of encouragement. afraid i am making a horrible decision.

btw, she was my fiance, not wife...

check out my other thread for details!


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## Truthseeker1

waytooforgiving said:


> just looking for support and words of encouragement. afraid i am making a horrible decision.
> 
> btw, she was my fiance, not wife...
> 
> check out my other thread for details!


Freedom is scary - embrace it and become a better man. The woman you thought you loved does not exist - you were in love with a mirage. When she puts on the waterworks tonight - keep repeating to yourself - this is not real - it is an act.


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## Thound

Best wishes man. Take some time and then go find someone who deserves your best.


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## Thehusband2

Good luck! You ARE doing the right thing! Like many have said consider this a gift! Finding out now is better than once youre married!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel

Just remember that you had a life before you even knew her, you'll have a life after you're done with her.


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## mablenc

Let her go, you owe her nothing and you owe it to yourself to be happy. It's better to do it now. Never marry anyone if you are unsure. Brace yourself she may cry and beg or go nuts but your concern should only be for your happiness, never sacrifice it for someone else's or it will be a long miserable life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion

waytooforgiving said:


> just looking for support and words of encouragement. afraid i am making a horrible decision.
> 
> btw, she was my fiance, not wife...
> 
> check out my other thread for details!


I re-read your thread. You where being used as a cuckhold while she galavants around. It was all part of the program. You are safe and reliable, represent honesty and love so if she gets hurt out there playing the games, she will always crawl back. It's just a stable relationship is not going to give the vicarious fill of drama or the thrill of the chase or the newness of all that glitters is not gold. 

So, you are doing the right thing. It was your fiance, she cheated on you not multiple times but multiple situations.

I don't think you can count on that. You have one life to live.


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## SaltInWound

Here are my words of encouragement.....

The longer you stay with her, the more damaged you will become.


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## MattMatt

She does not deserve you. Simple as. Well done, you!:smthumbup:


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## treyvion

** football clap ** 

Man up and do the right thing. Your going to be better than fine.


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## waytooforgiving

i did it! 

i found out from her friend right before i called her that she was supposed to have a date tomorrow night but she cancelled because of her diet, not because of me. she was also going to tell me tonight that she wanted a break for a few weeks...

now she is crying hystericaly. she is blowing up my phone. i am ignoring her. she has supposedly been crushed... but what about the OM, the date tomorrow, the sexting affair, the taking a break???


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## Jasel

waytooforgiving said:


> now she is crying hystericaly. she is blowing up my phone. i am ignoring her. she has supposedly been crushed... but what about the OM, the date tomorrow, the sexting affair, the taking a break???


She wanted her cake. You just **** on it. The rest is just background noise. Good job.

And KEEP IGNORING HER.


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## workindad

Ignore her and all her nonsense. DO not let her drag you back. I doubt she'll change, but she might get better at hiding it from you.

Keep looking, you can find a better person than this to make your life with.


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## alte Dame

Good for you!

Doesn't it feel good to stand up for yourself and your future?

Stay strong. Don't waver. She does NOT deserve you. Keep remembering that.


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## Openminded

She's upset because YOU did it before she could. That's all.


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## TDSC60

waytooforgiving said:


> i did it!
> 
> i found out from her friend right before i called her that she was supposed to have a date tomorrow night but she cancelled because of her diet, not because of me. she was also going to tell me tonight that she wanted a break for a few weeks...
> 
> now she is crying hystericaly. she is blowing up my phone. i am ignoring her. she has supposedly been crushed... but what about the OM, the date tomorrow, the sexting affair, the taking a break???


:smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup: :smthumbup:

OM? he never really left her mind.
Date? she is and was going to live her life as a free/single party girl even if you had married.
Sexting Affair? Women like this live for validation that they are desirable to men (especially men that are new to them). Remember: Sex is the price these women pay for attention. Nothing you do can change this moral flaw.
Taking a break? This is part of the cheaters bible. Take a break from the relationship or separation during a marriage really means that she wants her freedom to date and party with other men without having to worry about you. "Take a break" to her means she thinks she is free to screw around with no consequences.

You did good, now stay strong and do not fall for the fake tears or what can come next which is a fake suicide threat. If this happens call the authorities and report the threat and let them deal with it.


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## DavidWYoung

I think TDSC60 is my new hero! I have learned more about women in the last two years with TAM than I have in my lifetime. Maybe I am just slow.

OK, back to the task at hand.


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## 6301

Know what I would do? Send her a cake with a message. "You wanted to be a cake eater? Here it is baby. Have a good life just as long as it's not with me.


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## DavidWYoung

WayToo, Life is a REAL BIG ADVENTURE, there really is nothing to fear but you must make careful choices. Women are kind of like books in a library, some are "War and Peace" and some are "Minnie Mouse" comic books, its all great reading BUT, you are the reader! You are not the shelf that holds the book. Do you get my meaning?

I went to Bangkok, Thailand a few years ago and it really opened up my eyes to life. It was crazy, fun, scary, dirty, clean, open, jungle, jumbled..........it showed me that I had been living in a safe quiet nest for a long time.Maybe you can take a trip that will show what life can offer? You only have so many minutes to live, don't waste it on this woman or any other woman. Live your life for your pleasure. Just my two cents. David


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## mablenc

Good for you, no more crazy ladies ok?


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## thatbpguy

Had to be done. I would follow advice and not return her calls or texts. Just let her be.


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## ThePheonix

waytooforgiving said:


> afraid i am making a horrible decision.
> 
> btw, she was my fiance, not wife...





waytooforgiving said:


> i found out from her friend right before i called her that she was supposed to have a date tomorrow night but she cancelled because of her diet, not because of me. and she was also going to tell me tonight that she wanted a break for a few weeks...


You've got a hell of a guardian angel my man. You have questions about your decision and within a short period of time, discover you were right. It uncanny.
What she's upset about is because you beat her to the punch by dropping her first. In her mind men don't do the dropping, women do and she was suppose to drop you. And women usually dope the guy gradually, and she started the process with the "break for a few weeks" (plus allowing her to keep her options open.) Her plan backfired and she's gone ballistic.


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## GetTough

Interesting thread. Good for you. You potentially just saved yourself years of heartache, literally. Some people who go through divorce, esp. those who have kids, NEVER fully recover from it. Stitch in time, saves nine.

You have a vision for your life, that you want someone faithful and you held yourself to a certain standard even though it was difficult. Awesome. That's what being a man is all about. As a result you will be well rewarded and of course you will immediately become a lot more attractive to her. Expect her to bargain and plead like crazy. Ignore her.


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## treyvion

waytooforgiving said:


> i did it!
> 
> i found out from her friend right before i called her that she was supposed to have a date tomorrow night but she cancelled because of her diet, not because of me. she was also going to tell me tonight that she wanted a break for a few weeks...
> 
> now she is crying hystericaly. she is blowing up my phone. i am ignoring her. she has supposedly been crushed... but what about the OM, the date tomorrow, the sexting affair, the taking a break???


Take a couple of months off. Do many things for yourself. Take some classes, pick up old hobbies, some stupid fun.

She'll be alive. She needs to have her repurcussions.

Many of the OM's are only there for free sex, as long as your supporting a spouse then you get to pay for it. She will be able to see the game clearly with you out of the equation.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

waytooforgiving said:


> i did it!
> 
> i found out from her friend right before i called her that she was supposed to have a date tomorrow night but she cancelled because of her diet, not because of me. she was also going to tell me tonight that she wanted a break for a few weeks...
> 
> now she is crying hystericaly. she is blowing up my phone. i am ignoring her. she has supposedly been crushed... but what about the OM, the date tomorrow, the sexting affair, the taking a break???


Good for you brother. She is blowing up your phone because you beat her to the punch, you showed her you are not a door mat any more. Those tears are crocodile tears. Don't believe them. Actresses can do it on a queue. She is upset because you are acting in control of your own life. She had her chance to be your friend, your partner in life and she showed you what you mean to her by opening her legs to another man. While she is your fiance.. It does not get much lower that that. And all the other affairs she had. Seven if I recall. She is a pig. Period. 

The house painter, she can go have him. Is any of her stuff still at your house? If so have them delivered to the painter's house. In trash bags. More symbolic that way. Pictures, mementos, cloths, everything. Completely exorcise her from your life. Change your phone number if she keeps calling. Move on. Free yourself from this anchor who is nothing but heartache and misery. Let her be the problem of someone else.


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## Ryan_sa

Well done,
I just went back and read your other thread. Dont worry about your future now, Every day without her in your life will get easier. your confidence will come back, and you'll find someone better who actually loves you as a person, not as a meal ticket.

In a few months you'll look back and have a laugh about how crazy she is, and how lucky you were to get out before you married her.
If you take her back, you'll be back here some time WHEN she cheats again.
Good luck and stay strong


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## lordmayhem

Congratulations on taking your first step. If you thought that was hard, now comes the really difficult part....learning to live without her. Much easier said that done.

Now comes the emotional roller coaster. Right now you're feeling great, but the difficult part comes next, when you're on the low point of the roller coaster. You will want her back so badly, that you feel you'll do anything. Everyone feels this way in the beginning. This is when you will need to be even stronger.


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## Acabado

Please, block her from your phone.
Stop reading her texts, she just lost the sense of control she believed she had over you, over everything. It's not she got her heart broken.


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## Truthseeker1

waytooforgiving said:


> i did it!
> 
> i found out from her friend right before i called her that she was supposed to have a date tomorrow night but she cancelled because of her diet, not because of me. she was also going to tell me tonight that she wanted a break for a few weeks...
> 
> now she is crying hystericaly. she is blowing up my phone. i am ignoring her. she has supposedly been crushed... but what about the OM, the date tomorrow, the sexting affair, the taking a break???


The waterworks are no surprise but *DO NOT FORGET IT IS AN ACT..SHE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL*

Now take the time to heal and improve yourself and have a good time with your life! glad you got rid of the excess baggage now she can go romp around all she wants on her own time not yours...:smthumbup: Do something nice for yourself this weekend to celebrate - go buy something - go out - just be good to yourself


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## Burned

Live your life for you, you can do this. I wish I had done this the first time. I would be so much better off than where I am now. Good luck and good living.


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## treyvion

Acabado said:


> Please, block her from your phone.
> Stop reading her texts, she just lost the sense of control she believed she had over you, over everything. It's not she got her heart broken.


Likely the truth. Initially going through the cheated on tunnel, you could not have explained this to me. My brain was trying to rationalize it thinking it was still a good situation, when it may very well have never been.


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## Lovemytruck

I still say the OP is LUCKY!

You learned a valuable leason early in life. You also need to start thinking about the traits you reveal to attract this kind of woman. Not a dig. Just hoping that you can adjust a few things that will prevent this type of woman from decieving you again.

I have struggled with that too. Read some of the recommended books on being too nice. I wasn't a classical nice guy, but some things did happen to me because I was too nice in certain ways.

You probably could use a good dose of learning what makes desired women happy. It probably is NOT what most young men think.


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## Vanguard

Listen to me. There are few, very few times when people are afforded a second chance. 

You are making the right choice, I promise. Your mind is now free. Free from suspicion, fear, and dreadful anticipation. You are going to be able to experience joy in a way you never could before.


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## Vanguard

Jasel said:


> She wanted her cake. You just **** on it. The rest is just background noise. Good job.
> 
> And KEEP IGNORING HER.


This. This. For the love of God please this. 

Please please please don't give her any attention.


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## alte Dame

lordmayhem said:


> Congratulations on taking your first step. If you thought that was hard, now comes the really difficult part....learning to live without her. Much easier said that done.
> 
> Now comes the emotional roller coaster. Right now you're feeling great, but the difficult part comes next, when you're on the low point of the roller coaster. You will want her back so badly, that you feel you'll do anything. Everyone feels this way in the beginning. This is when you will need to be even stronger.


Wise words, in my opinion. You will have highs and lows. You will soon enough look back on this and be grateful that you saw this before you got married. Good luck!


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## treyvion

Lovemytruck said:


> I still say the OP is LUCKY!
> 
> You learned a valuable leason early in life. You also need to start thinking about the traits you reveal to attract this kind of woman. Not a dig. Just hoping that you can adjust a few things that will prevent this type of woman from decieving you again.
> 
> I have struggled with that too. Read some of the recommended books on being too nice. I wasn't a classical nice guy, but some things did happen to me because I was too nice in certain ways.
> 
> You probably could use a good dose of learning what makes desired women happy. It probably is NOT what most young men think.


Start this up. Also would be interested in developing trust, and establishing trust with these relationship partners so you know what level you can work with them at. There are people trustworthy who won't take advantage of you even if you are exposed this way.


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## weightlifter

Here is your encouragement
NO alimony
NO child support
There are millions of men who would KILL to walk in your yes very difficult shoes. The difference is they have to pay their exes to fvck other men!


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## Decorum

Stay strong, the pain will be much worse if you make the same mistake again. There is no doubt (if you read here on TAM) that she will cheat again. Please don't let it be on you!

Take care!


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## waytooforgiving

i'm just so at a loss for words...

the ex fiance came by today. its was so cold. she was talking about how she only wanted a break so she could work on being alone to fix herself, and that she is devastated my ending things. claiming to love me and miss me so so much. when i told her that in order for me to move forward we would need to sit down with the AP and get full disclosure and facts as to last time they spoke, etc. she started getting uncomfortable and asking what good would that do. so i finally said to her "you need to just move on, we will never be together again". i guess i hoped for some tears, sadness, etc. BUT THERE WAS NONE.

i then find out that she went to the AP job, told him that i strong armed her, and that i am finally out of the picture and they can be back together.

ALL this after she begged me for another change. all this after she told me how much she loved me. all this after.... EVERYTHING.

thank goodness for my "informant". it is one of her girlfriends that feels so sorry for me. she tells me everything. like the fact that she is already back together with him. 

they are back together after:

their twisted fights, cop calling, CPS claims, email hacking (she hacked his email and sent explicit photos of him to all of his ex girlfriends), yelling in the street (they live across the street from each other - WS, AP and AP ex-wife live within one house of each other), stalking, tracking his i-phone, etc. he owes the IRS thousands, skips work to go drink, can't pay his child support.

so was i plan b, c, or d? what a chump i was to think their was potential for R. 

what is wrong with me that makes me so undesirable to her? if the scum of the earth like her can't love me, who can? she would rather be with him? HIM?

i am really hurting right now. sorry for the rant.


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## CEL

Listen brother nothing it wrong with you would a shyte rolling dung beetle fall in love with a hawk? No, anymore than your dung beetle of girl would fall in love with you. She is what is the problem. YOU are fine maybe a little to nice I would recommend reading No Mr Nice Guy a lot of people have been helped by it. Also keep posting we can help you move on give you advice on how to get back out there and start looking for some hawks.


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## warlock07

what is wrong with me that makes me so undesirable to her? if the scum of the earth like her can't love me, who can? she would rather be with him? HIM?


She likes **** because her udgement is ****. Her tastes speak for herself, not you. 

Think about it. Don't base your self-worth on the opinion or the actions of a nut case.


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## In_The_Wind

Sounds like she likes the drama , run forest run work on yourself start exercising or working out develop old or new hobbies 
You will have no problems finding someone that would be grateful for you
Remember when people show you who they are belive them .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60

waytooforgiving said:


> what is wrong with me that makes me so undesirable to her? if the scum of the earth like her can't love me, who can? she would rather be with him? HIM?
> 
> i am really hurting right now. sorry for the rant.



Wake up!! The ONLY person this woman is capable of loving or having empathy for is herself. No one else. This is her character. This is her core being. It has nothing to do with you or your worth as a person.

There is nothing wrong with you in this scenario - it is all her dysfunctional behavior and not a result of anything you did or failed to do that created this situation.

Be happy you did not fall into her trap. 

Forget her and go live your life.


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## Truthseeker1

waytooforgiving said:


> i'm just so at a loss for words...
> 
> the ex fiance came by today. its was so cold. she was talking about how she only wanted a break so she could work on being alone to fix herself, and that she is devastated my ending things. claiming to love me and miss me so so much. when i told her that in order for me to move forward we would need to sit down with the AP and get full disclosure and facts as to last time they spoke, etc. she started getting uncomfortable and asking what good would that do. so i finally said to her "you need to just move on, we will never be together again". i guess i hoped for some tears, sadness, etc. BUT THERE WAS NONE.
> 
> i then find out that she went to the AP job, told him that i strong armed her, and that i am finally out of the picture and they can be back together.
> 
> ALL this after she begged me for another change. all this after she told me how much she loved me. all this after.... EVERYTHING.
> 
> thank goodness for my "informant". it is one of her girlfriends that feels so sorry for me. she tells me everything. like the fact that she is already back together with him.
> 
> they are back together after:
> 
> their twisted fights, cop calling, CPS claims, email hacking (she hacked his email and sent explicit photos of him to all of his ex girlfriends), yelling in the street (they live across the street from each other - WS, AP and AP ex-wife live within one house of each other), stalking, tracking his i-phone, etc. he owes the IRS thousands, skips work to go drink, can't pay his child support.
> 
> so was i plan b, c, or d? what a chump i was to think their was potential for R.
> 
> what is wrong with me that makes me so undesirable to her? if the scum of the earth like her can't love me, who can? she would rather be with him? HIM?
> 
> i am really hurting right now. sorry for the rant.


Wow...get some IC counseling if you need to - but this situation went from sad to dangerous. She sounds like she has issues - go nowhere near her ever again - not only for your own sanity but your own personal safety.


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## Jasel

waytooforgiving said:


> i
> 
> what is wrong with me that makes me so undesirable to her? if the scum of the earth like her can't love me, who can? she would rather be with him? HIM?


There's nothing wrong with you. Obviously she's the one who is completely ****ed up. It probably doesn't feel like it now but down the road you're going to feel so much better for not marrying her.


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## Decorum

:iagree:


TDSC60 said:


> Wake up!! The ONLY person this woman is capable of loving or having empathy for is herself. No one else. This is her character. This is her core being. It has nothing to do with you or your worth as a person.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with you in this scenario - it is all her dysfunctional behavior and not a result of anything you did or failed to do that created this situation.
> 
> Be happy you did not fall into her trap.
> 
> Forget her and go live your life.


:iagree:

She is a very broken person, your mistake (sin) was not recognizing all the red flags, go your way and sin no more, that nothing worse befall you!


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## Labcoat

waytooforgiving said:


> just looking for support and words of encouragement. afraid i am making a horrible decision.
> 
> btw, she was my fiance, not wife...
> 
> check out my other thread for details!


Scared? Yeah, I get that, I was scared too last year when I said the same thing to my wayward fiance.

But last Saturday I was more scared, because I ran with the bulls in Spain. Now THAT'S fear.

My point is not to brag. But to tell you to focus on doing something like that, a vacation with your bro's, and it will make getting through this sh!t a lot easier.


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## Craig49

Scared is a good thing.
I am terrified right now on my future.
24 years married and dealing with my wife's affair of 12 years ago.

There is better out there, better for me, happiness, and a feeling of being complete with myself.
Important decisions are on the horizon for me, some very difficult ones, but I need to move forward for my own sanity.

Craig


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## Catherine602

Actually, she does love you but she knows the real her could not drawn the love a man of your quality. She wishes she could though.

I'll bet you are the man of her dreams. She worked hard to get you. The POSOM is the type of man she usually pulls. When she met him, it was probably a matter of recognizing an old friend. 

Before she knew it, the thin veneer of good character fell away. What you see is who she is. Probably wishes she was good enough for a man like you. 

She is back were she started with the drama of a bottom feeder who will use her and dump her. You are going to have to be strong. When she comes back she will be pitiful and you will feel sorry for her. 

The kindest thing you can do is to make a surgical cut. She needs to hit bottom before she changes and you cant help her. 

You are destined for bigger and better things.


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## Decorum

Catherine602 said:


> Actually, she does love you but she knows the real her could not drawn the love a man of your quality. She wishes she could though.
> 
> I'll bet you are the man of her dreams. She worked hard to get you. The POSOM is the type of man she usually pulls. When she met him, it was probably a matter of recognizing an old friend.
> 
> Before she knew it, the thin veneer of good character fell away. What you see is who she is. Probably wishes she was good enough for a man like you.
> 
> She is back were she started with the drama of a bottom feeder who will use her and dump her. You are going to have to be strong. When she comes back she will be pitiful and you will feel sorry for her.
> 
> The kindest thing you can do is to make a surgical cut. She needs to hit bottom before she changes and you cant help her.
> 
> You are destined for bigger and better things.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Catherine602 it's like you cut her head open and looked inside, really good post.


waytooforgiving,

Spend some time working on yourself, It will really be value added, some books we recommend No More Mr Nice Guy (NMMNG, a free download and great website),
A Married Mans Sex Life (MMSL), this should be a must read for all men. its not a sex manual, its about understanding the cycles in a relationship and a mans role.

There are others but give yourself some time, Catherine is right there are some awesome woman out there, some confidence and a willingness to talk to them in an interesting way will really pay off.

Just do it anywhere, not flirting just be yourself and show interest and kindness and it will amaze you who you will attract. You sound like a top shelf guy.

Take care!


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## Catherine602

Way, I hope you reframe the way you see your situation. The way you are framing it now, is causing you needless pain.

I am guessing but I think my guess is closer to reality than yours. However, you can hardly be expected to step back and see the full picture.


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## Shaggy

And that is why you carry a var on you. You could have sent it to the OM.

Well he's the fool because he is staying with someone as truly awful as she is.

While you are the wise one, because you've jettisoned her from your life.


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## The Middleman

*tonight i tell WS that i no longer want R. please help give me courage. SCARE*



waytooforgiving said:


> i then find out that she went to the AP job, told him that i strong armed her, and that i am finally out of the picture and they can be back together.
> 
> ALL this after she begged me for another change. all this after she told me how much she loved me. all this after.... EVERYTHING.
> 
> thank goodness for my "informant". it is one of her girlfriends that feels so sorry for me. she tells me everything. like the fact that she is already back together with him.
> 
> they are back together after:


And they say all men are Dogs?


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## BashfulB

Waytooforgiving, I think her girlfriend wants to get you in the sack. That's why she keeps ratting her out.


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## LostViking

BashfulBull said:


> Waytooforgiving, I think her girlfriend wants to get you in the sack. That's why she keeps ratting her out.


You beat me to it. I was thinking the same thing. There is a reason this girlfriend of hers keeps dishing the dirt on his ex. 

One woman's castoff is another woman's treasure. Hey Waytooforgiving, is this girlfriend of your ex's hot? If so, I see great some opportunity in your future.


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## Truthseeker1

BashfulBull said:


> Waytooforgiving, I think her girlfriend wants to get you in the sack. That's why she keeps ratting her out.


Now this could be an interesting scenario - perfect justice so rarely presents itself in cases like this one. :woohoo:


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## tom67

Truthseeker1 said:


> Now this could be an interesting scenario - perfect justice so rarely presents itself in cases like this one. :woohoo:


Well Way is the "informant" hot?


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## Decorum

I thought it to, she may have her eye on you for herself, but is she a quality person and are you in any shape to commit to a genuine relationship, I know there are other options, but if you want a LTR use the big head here.

Look for someone who has lived in the past the way you hope they live in the future. There are no guarantees but some nice seeming woman are very bad risks.

Ok did not mean to be a wet blanket, back to the locker room talk boys, ha ha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

Buzzkill.

I'm thinking there is the possibility for a little well-deserved revenge here.


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## tom67

LostViking said:


> Buzzkill.
> 
> I'm thinking there is the possibility for a little well-deserved revenge here.


Like Kills8 in the private section.


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## LostViking

tom67 said:


> Like Kills8 in the private section.


Bingo!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Decorum

Oh I have nothing against a little bingo. Or a lot of bingo 

Or a LTR like it seems Kills has found with omw.

And I respect op's right to play the game his way, mine was just a word of caution.

Bingo, bango, hokey pokey, the money shot, its all good.

Just be clear and dont be a user.

Secret informant might like a big bingo bango thank you. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado

BashfulBull said:


> Waytooforgiving, I think her girlfriend wants to get you in the sack. That's why she keeps ratting her out.


Entirely possible, maybe not. What it's obvious is she secretly hates WGF, fact you cant take adventage of: mutual using for maybe different porpouses and motivations.
Anyway, please don't think in anything serious, nothing good can possible come from this, you need to cut this woman, including mutual aquitances, forever. The whole environment is toxic.


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## Fisherman

Acabado said:


> Entirely possible, maybe not. What it's obvious is she secretly hates WGF, fact you cant take adventage of: mutual using for maybe different porpouses and motivations.
> Anyway, please don't think in anything serious, nothing good can possible come from this, you need to cut this woman, including mutual aquitances, forever. The whole environment is toxic.


I agree with Acabado, there is a revenge factor here and it would not be good for you. Just put this all behind you.


----------



## treyvion

Acabado said:


> Entirely possible, maybe not. What it's obvious is she secretly hates WGF, fact you cant take adventage of: mutual using for maybe different porpouses and motivations.
> Anyway, please don't think in anything serious, nothing good can possible come from this, you need to cut this woman, including mutual aquitances, forever. The whole environment is toxic.


Within many "friend" groups are a good deal of people who are willing to take the resources of the other, or betray or stab them in the back.

This is a normal game. To get into a group of friends, and you do have some options which may not be entirely ethical to screw other friends, get info, manipulate, etc.


----------



## turnera

waytooforgiving said:


> thank goodness for my "informant". it is one of her girlfriends that feels so sorry for me. she tells me everything. like the fact that she is already back together with him.


I sure hope you aren't thinking her friend is this wonderful, lovely lady...who you might become interested in? People become friends with people who are like them. She doesn't feel sorry for you - she wants to get back at your fiancé.


----------



## barbados

You're finally finding you guts and dumping your serial cheating fiance that you should have never got with in the first place. Good for you ! 

No kids, still young. Life is good !


----------



## treyvion

turnera said:


> I sure hope you aren't thinking her friend is this wonderful, lovely lady...who you might become interested in? People become friends with people who are like them. She doesn't feel sorry for you - she wants to get back at your fiancé.


This is the truth.


----------



## LostViking

treyvion said:


> This is the truth.


Buzzkills all. 

WTF, if the opportunity presents itself, and you are attracted to her, the GF is not out of bounds. You are a man, she is a woman; let nature take its course. If you have a chance for some fun NSA bingo with the GF then by all means.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LostViking

Best way to get over a woman is to get under another one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

LostViking said:


> Buzzkills all.
> 
> WTF, if the opportunity presents itself, and you are attracted to her, the GF is not out of bounds. You are a man, she is a woman; let nature take its course. If you have a chance for some fun NSA bingo with the GF then by all means.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well this is part of the game, if your talking about sex and things like this.

Of course as a long term mate or wife, not sure but you have to let time tell.


----------



## turnera

LostViking said:


> Best way to get over a woman is to get under another one.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 But he COULD be a little pickier than last time.


----------



## treyvion

LostViking said:


> Bingo!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was trying to find the kills8 blog or the section of it which details what it sounds like you guys are saying...

It sounds like you guys are saying kills8, got the OM's wife, and is making her feel like the lady she should be, while the OM is getting his wife and now their caper has been diminished to a thumbtack in retrospect.


----------



## LostViking

This is all silly speculation anyways. I was just trying to inject a little levity into a bad situation. The poor guy's heart is broken. I was just trying to show him that every storm cloud has a silver lining.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

LostViking said:


> This is all silly speculation anyways. I was just trying to inject a little levity into a bad situation. The poor guy's heart is broken. I was just trying to show him that every storm cloud has a silver lining.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, since were already cheating... LOL.


----------



## MattMatt

What you need is what is best for you. You need someone you can trust. If you can't trust her before marriage, how in the name of anything can you trust her after marriage?


----------



## Decorum

Yep just a little locker room humor.


----------



## Shaggy

turnera said:


> I sure hope you aren't thinking her friend is this wonderful, lovely lady...who you might become interested in? People become friends with people who are like them. She doesn't feel sorry for you - she wants to get back at your fiancé.


No I think the idea is for joint revenge sex.


----------



## Catherine602

This is so common. Men wonder why they hear their wives say "you are using me for sex" Dah. How will using women and being deceptive help him? 

Way - Using this women to revenge your fiancé is bottom feeding behavior. On some level you would have to admit that you two may be kindred souls after all. It does not sound like you are that person. 

I think you should cut this "friend" loose. If she is deceptive and untrustworthy to her friend can she be trusted not to carry info back to your fiancé? Deceptive people and their friends are deceptive. Don't deal with them, too much drama. Why waste your precious time.


----------



## treyvion

Shaggy said:


> No I think the idea is for joint revenge sex.


If he's on the way out... He could always sex about half of these back stabbing folks, they get what they want, he gets what he wants.

Theres people who do this intentionally.


----------



## LostViking

He needs to do what he needs to do to restore his sense of manhood that his loser fiancé stole from him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## waytooforgiving

Just to be clear, I am not sleeping with her friend. And I do not intend to. Not my way of dealing with things. That would be vindictive, and I don't play that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## waytooforgiving

And I don't believe the friend has any anterior motives. She is cutting the ex out of her life as she can't stand the drama and lies she tells. Funny thing is, my ex can't keep friends long term for the life of her. They all boot her eventually. She's not a good person. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Catherine602

LostViking said:


> He needs to do what he needs to do to restore his sense of manhood that his loser fiancé stole from him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ewwww you're kidding right? 

How does that work? Every disappointed man goes out and puts his penis into as many warm holes as possible? 

When he is ready to stop whoring what does he do? Look for a girl no other man has deceived and used? Guess again, the cycle will repeat. The women he is using now will be someone's wife.

He doesn't care he got what he wanted now she is some other guys problem. But they are his problem. He is more likely to fall for a woman who has been used by another man. No free lunch now he has to deal with it like a man. 

Maybe that's what you meant about getting his manhood through his penis?


----------



## LostViking

waytooforgiving said:


> And I don't believe the friend has any anterior motives. She is cutting the ex out of her life as she can't stand the drama and lies she tells. Funny thing is, my ex can't keep friends long term for the life of her. They all boot her eventually. She's not a good person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Understand that my statements were meant to be lighthearted. What I want you to understand is that you will go on and heal and be in a much better place just a few months from now. 

A year from now, once you have detached, stepped back and looked at this woman objectively, you will ask yourself what temporary insanity ever took hold of you to make you think she was so amazing and wonderful. You will clearly see her for the broken, sad thing she is.


----------



## LostViking

Catherine602 said:


> Ewwww your kidding right?
> 
> How does that work? Every disappointed man goes out and puts his penis into as many warm holes as possible?
> 
> When he is ready to stop whoring what does he do? Look for a girl no other man has deceived and used? Guess again, the cycle will repeat. The women he is using now will be someone's wife.
> 
> He doesn't care he got what he wanted now she is some other guys problem. But they are his problem. He is more likely to fall for a woman who has been used by another man. No free lunch now he has to deal with it like a man.
> 
> Maybe that's what you meant about getting his manhood through his penis?


I meant exactly what I meant.


----------



## Decorum

waytooforgiving said:


> Just to be clear, I am not sleeping with her friend. And I do not intend to. Not my way of dealing with things. That would be vindictive, and I don't play that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like your resolve WTF (your initials too, was that intentional?).

You sound like a top notch guy, I wish you the best!

Take care!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## waytooforgiving

Catherine602 said:


> Ewwww your kidding right?
> 
> How does that work? Every disappointed man goes out and puts his penis into as many warm holes as possible?
> 
> When he is ready to stop whoring what does he do? Look for a girl no other man has deceived and used? Guess again, the cycle will repeat. The women he is using now will be someone's wife.
> 
> He doesn't care he got what he wanted now she is some other guys problem. But they are his problem. He is more likely to fall for a woman who has been used by another man. No free lunch now he has to deal with it like a man.
> 
> Maybe that's what you meant about getting his manhood through his penis?


I feel like this might be pointed at me??? Let me be clear, I am not sleeping with her friend. In fact, at the moment I'm not sleeping with anybody. 

While I appreciate everyone's insight, whatever it may be, can we keep on target?!?!?

Today started rough, but as the day goes on its gettin easier. I wonder how long it will be until I'm completely "ok" and it no longer crosses my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LostViking

waytooforgiving said:


> I wonder how long it will be until I'm completely "ok" and it no longer crosses my mind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is going to take about six months before you stop feeling those flinches of pain. A year before you completely detach. However, it will take less time if you get back on the horse and get out and date new women.

Your masculinity took a huge hit, and by getting out and associating, flirting and, yes, sleeping with other women, you will restore your sense of manhood more quickly. 

It's not pretty, it's not PC, but it is male biology and it is the truth.


----------



## the guy

My old lady screwed around on me and its been 3 years since d-day...sorry...it will cross your mind from time to time but you will be ok..in fact you will be better then ok, knowing you got out while you could.

@Catherine602, you make warm holes sound like a bad thing.LOL


----------



## the guy

LostViking said:


> It is going to take about six months before you stop feeling those flinches of pain. A year before you completely detach. However, it will take less time if you get back on the horse and get out and date new women.
> 
> Your masculinity took a huge hit, and by getting out and associating, flirting and, yes, sleeping with other women, you will restore your sense of manhood more quickly.
> 
> It's not pretty, it's not PC, but it is male biology and it is the truth.


Thats about right, the 1st 6months were a b1tch, after a year it got better.

It always gets better, cuz when your going thru this sh1t it can't get any worse!


----------



## tom67

LostViking said:


> It is going to take about six months before you stop feeling those flinches of pain. A year before you completely detach. However, it will take less time if you get back on the horse and get out and date new women.
> 
> Your masculinity took a huge hit, and by getting out and associating, flirting and, yes, sleeping with other women, you will restore your sense of manhood more quickly.
> 
> It's not pretty, it's not PC, but it is male biology and it is the truth.


:iagree::iagree::lol:


----------



## MattMatt

Eventually you will think of it, but there will be no pain, just a distant: "Hey! Did that really happen to me?" feeling.


----------



## treyvion

the guy said:


> Thats about right, the 1st 6months were a b1tch, after a year it got better.
> 
> It always gets better, cuz when your going thru this sh1t it can't get any worse!


Some female validation in terms of her sexual organ between her legs, is the quickest and fastest way to reclaim your masculinity and your confidence. It's almost like magic and happens nearly immediately.

I know it's not biblical advice, but it really works.


----------



## LostViking

As you Americans like to say: Yep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Vanguard

Catherine602 said:


> Actually, she does love you but she knows the real her could not drawn the love a man of your quality. She wishes she could though.
> 
> I'll bet you are the man of her dreams. She worked hard to get you. The POSOM is the type of man she usually pulls. When she met him, it was probably a matter of recognizing an old friend.
> 
> Before she knew it, the thin veneer of good character fell away. What you see is who she is. Probably wishes she was good enough for a man like you.
> 
> She is back were she started with the drama of a bottom feeder who will use her and dump her. You are going to have to be strong. When she comes back she will be pitiful and you will feel sorry for her.
> 
> The kindest thing you can do is to make a surgical cut. She needs to hit bottom before she changes and you cant help her.
> 
> You are destined for bigger and better things.


Who are you?


----------



## Catherine602

Vanguard said:


> Who are you?


I am whatever I say I am. (Sorry EMINEM, changed it).


----------



## Keepin-my-head-up

Catherine602 said:


> I am whatever I say I am. (Sorry EMINEM, changed it).


Love it! 
This girl is bad a$$!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VFW

So glad you found out so you could change her status to ex-fiance, instead of ex-wife. This sounds like a very selfish person and would have done these same things in you marriage, just as she did in the engagement. She isn't the least bit sorry about what she did, only that she got caught. This girl would have held you hostage for years cowboy, glad you didn't fall for her lies. Also a nice thank you card to her friend would not be out of line to thank her for doing the right thing. Most people would have supported their friend, even if they are wrong.


----------



## KanDo

I just have one word for yo...

CONGRATS!


----------



## waytooforgiving

well, here is a quick update...

in a moment of weakness i contacted the ExWS on saturday. she claimed that she had FINALLY cut OM out of her life. it was played out to be "perfect timing" that i call the same morning she "lets him go" and that it must mean we are meant to be.

what a fool i am/was/continue to be. i give into the crap. we spend saturday and sunday evenings together. she even wrote me a "truth" letter. the truth letter owns up to nothing and she kept out many pieces that i know to be FACT.

i will save the nitty gritty details for those that are interested. but i will say that while i never committed to R and kept stating she would need to do heavy lifting, all she would say is that she hoped we could move quick, move her back into MY house, and start a family... all because she turns 37 next month and the "clock is ticking".

come to find out this morning that she didn't dump OM. he dumped her saturday morning because of her irrational behavior. and today... today they are already talking again. she even set up a fake FB account to track him.

while talking to him again, she continues to lie to me.

so yes, i am a sucker. and a fool. i guess i hoped that she "saw the light" and meant what she said. but nope. i was only used to make him jealous. lets hope that this time i learn my lesson.

as a side note, when she moved out she moved into an apartment across the street from his. next to her is his ex wife. so a little love triangle where she continues to get upset that he hangs out with his ex... she crashes and burns, he dumps her, they get back together. rinse, wash, repeat...


----------



## BK23

I hope this is that last time you let her pull your strings.


----------



## LostAndContent

waytooforgiving said:


> well, here is a quick update...
> 
> in a moment of weakness i contacted the ExWS on saturday. she claimed that she had FINALLY cut OM out of her life. it was played out to be "perfect timing" that i call the same morning she "lets him go" and that it must mean we are meant to be.
> 
> what a fool i am/was/continue to be. i give into the crap. we spend saturday and sunday evenings together. she even wrote me a "truth" letter. the truth letter owns up to nothing and she kept out many pieces that i know to be FACT.
> 
> i will save the nitty gritty details for those that are interested. but i will say that while i never committed to R and kept stating she would need to do heavy lifting, all she would say is that she hoped we could move quick, move her back into MY house, and start a family... all because she turns 37 next month and the "clock is ticking".
> 
> come to find out this morning that she didn't dump OM. he dumped her saturday morning because of her irrational behavior. and today... today they are already talking again. she even set up a fake FB account to track him.
> 
> while talking to him again, she continues to lie to me.
> 
> so yes, i am a sucker. and a fool. i guess i hoped that she "saw the light" and meant what she said. but nope. i was only used to make him jealous. lets hope that this time i learn my lesson.
> 
> as a side note, when she moved out she moved into an apartment across the street from his. next to her is his ex wife. so a little love triangle where she continues to get upset that he hangs out with his ex... she crashes and burns, he dumps her, they get back together. rinse, wash, repeat...


Please stop being dumb. Quit giving in to the temptation to call her. Every time you have that temptation go online to a dating site our out to try to meet other women. Jeez dude. She's poison. You've won but you keep trying to go back to let her beat you.


----------



## turnera

Well, now you know how big of a user she is.


----------



## The-Deceived

Please, for the love of whatever you believe in, don't get suckered again. You are smarter than this. Open your eyes, son!


----------



## doubletrouble

waytooforgiving said:


> i will save the nitty gritty details for those that are interested.
> 
> *OK I'll bite...*
> while talking to him again, she continues to lie to me.
> 
> i was only used to make him jealous. lets hope that this time i learn my lesson.
> 
> *Yes, let's hope.
> Start doing emotional pushups or something, friend. You are way too weak, and she's still playing you BAD.*


:scratchhead:


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

L&C, please please please for your own health and sanity read all you have posted here on TAM and please please read again ALL THE EXCELLENT ADVICE YOU HAVE RECEIVED. She is a like broken record being played over and over. You can't change her. She does not want to change. 

When you are feeling weak and lonely and all those normal feelings everyone has had just jump onto TAM here and read your own threads.


----------



## KanDo

Please. If her lips are moving, she is prevaricating! Read my thread if you would like other examples of incredible deception. Stop talking to her at all.


----------



## LostViking

Stop talking to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Madman1

Its not you fault. 

Deep down you probably feel like you deserve to be $hit upon.

You can change what you think you deserve, if you do you will not give her a second look.


----------



## torn2012

WTF - Really apt initials. Please tell us that you have booted her out again. From your update it isn't clear if that's the case. (To me at least)


----------



## Catherine602

The comments are relentless. I changed my mind about rushing you. It is not easy to flip a switch and turn away. No one should expect that of you, lest of all yourself. 

You are wrong about the dumb part. You are behaving like legions of BS's - the ones that are capable of love and commitment that is. 

You know best. Let up on yourself and don't feel rushed. You will do what is best for your when you are ready. You are not ready yet.

It does not hurt you to take your time. It may hurt you to rush. You don't need to be plagued with thoughts of what if.... 

When you are ready to move on, there will be no doubt that you are doing just what is good for you and her. 

Be ready for her to come back to you for comfort and reassurance of your love. That is part of the cheater script. Don't feel that you are dumb for wanting to help her. 

That's how people like you are made, the best of people those with empathy and compassion. But very soon you will reach a tipping point and realize that you don't love the person she is. You will then be able to let her go to meet the future she created. 

That will happen suddenly but very soon. You have to give your heart time to disengage. You are on target so don't feel badly.


----------



## Madman1

OMG-just look at her actions dude and stop listening to the violins.


----------



## Rugs

I tried to quit smoking around 16 times before I finally quit for good. It's a hard place to be but your gut will eventually get you to the right place.

You will get there. Stay here and get support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GreenThumb

KanDo said:


> Please. If her lips are moving, she is prevaricating! Read my thread if you would like other examples of incredible deception. Stop talking to her at all.


KanDo, 

Your post prompted this English teacher to use dictionary.com. Had no clue what *prevaricating *meant. 

Thanks for expanding my vocabulary!


----------



## KanDo

glad someone got something out of my post


----------



## waytooforgiving

KanDo said:


> glad someone got something out of my post


KanDo, I got something from it too! In fact, I get something from everyones posts. Trust me!!! I appreciate it more than words can express.

I just sit silent sometimes. I read and reread all the comments. Sometimes slow to THANK everyone for their interest in my situation and the heartfelt comments I receive.


----------



## waytooforgiving

well, i did it again. i told her we are DONE and that its time to move on. she tried to play it off like i was doing it for such minute reasons. little does she know i have proof that she is lying and discounting the truth SO MUCH. i am not going to waste my time even telling her why i am done. i am ignoring her texts now. i really hope i do not hear from her again. as much as i'd like the ego boost, it just sets me back.

i went to the doctor tuesday and got some happy pills! ssri's. i look forward to them kicking in. at least then the tears might stop and i'll be able to focus on work and life in general.

onward and upward! up is the only way to go from here. i hope!


----------



## badmemory

waytooforgiving said:


> well, i did it again. i told her we are DONE and that its time to move on. she tried to play it off like i was doing it for such minute reasons. little does she know i have proof that she is lying and discounting the truth SO MUCH. i am not going to waste my time even telling her why i am done. i am ignoring her texts now. i really hope i do not hear from her again. as much as i'd like the ego boost, it just sets me back.
> 
> i went to the doctor tuesday and got some happy pills! ssri's. i look forward to them kicking in. at least then the tears might stop and i'll be able to focus on work and life in general.
> 
> onward and upward! up is the only way to go from here. i hope!


Okay, glad you're done with her. I would have told her why; that you have evidence that's she lying and that you're through with dealing with her lying and cheating bullshyte - but telling her that is not as important as staying away from her.


----------



## LostViking

Call your wireless carrier and have her number blocked. You can still call or text her but she won't be able to call or text you. This way YOU control the communication.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## waytooforgiving

27 hours no contact. ugh.

i DO NOT want her back. no way. no how.

BUT i want her to want me... I want her to be remorseful.

it's like an addiction. my IC says it is and will take 21 days to break the habit. hope thats true!

i just want her to feel true remorse for what she has done. i want her to realize what she's lost. 

i hope to wake up soon and this is all just a fuzzy past... a blip on the radar.


----------



## turnera

Wisdom is realizing that you can WANT stuff like that, but you can rise above it and not NEED it.


----------



## lordmayhem

waytooforgiving said:


> 27 hours no contact. ugh.
> 
> i DO NOT want her back. no way. no how.
> 
> BUT i want her to want me... I want her to be remorseful.
> 
> it's like an addiction. my IC says it is and will take 21 days to break the habit. hope thats true!
> 
> i just want her to feel true remorse for what she has done. i want her to realize what she's lost.
> 
> i hope to wake up soon and this is all just a fuzzy past... a blip on the radar.


Change your phone number now, not tomorrow,not next week, do it now. That way you will not be tempted to return any calls or texts. Or you can call your phone company and have her number blocked. Either way, *DO IT NOW*.


----------



## bryanp

I do not understand why when you talked to her that you did not bust her about her lying and tell her what you know?


----------



## lordmayhem

These are YOUR posts. Read them over and over until it sinks in.



waytooforgiving said:


> I eventually found out through a friend of hers that *she had actually had a number of affairs while we were together*. When confronted, she denied. She continues to deny, but I have no solid proof to present so there is no way of knowing for sure. But I can probably assume it to be true considering *she had multiple affairs on her first husband*.





waytooforgiving said:


> when i told her that in order for me to move forward we would need to sit down with the AP and get full disclosure and facts as to last time they spoke, etc. she started getting uncomfortable and asking what good would that do. so i finally said to her "you need to just move on, we will never be together again". i guess i hoped for some tears, sadness, etc. BUT THERE WAS NONE.
> 
> i then find out that she went to the AP job, told him that i strong armed her, and that i am finally out of the picture and they can be back together.
> 
> ALL this after she begged me for another change. all this after she told me how much she loved me. all this after.... EVERYTHING.
> 
> thank goodness for my "informant". it is one of her girlfriends that feels so sorry for me. she tells me everything. like the fact that she is already back together with him.
> 
> they are back together after:
> 
> their twisted fights, cop calling, CPS claims, email hacking (she hacked his email and sent explicit photos of him to all of his ex girlfriends), yelling in the street (they live across the street from each other - WS, AP and AP ex-wife live within one house of each other), stalking, tracking his i-phone, etc. he owes the IRS thousands, skips work to go drink, can't pay his child support.
> 
> so was i plan b, c, or d? what a chump i was to think their was potential for R.


Boy, this serial cheater, and I use that term loosely, because the word I want to use would get me banned, really has her hooks into you. 

If this is how you react when you haven't even married her, there would be absolutely no hope for you if you found out after being married for years, have several children, house, finances intertwined, etc. 

When you look back on this in a few years, you will be so happy you dodged the bullet and wonder what the hell you ever saw in the person.


----------



## Shaggy

Post her up on cheaterville.com along with him, then send the links to his ex. That should stir things up in the hood.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> 27 hours no contact. ugh.
> 
> i DO NOT want her back. no way. no how.
> 
> BUT i want her to want me... I want her to be remorseful.
> 
> it's like an addiction. my IC says it is and will take 21 days to break the habit. hope thats true!
> 
> i just want her to feel true remorse for what she has done. i want her to realize what she's lost.
> 
> i hope to wake up soon and this is all just a fuzzy past... a blip on the radar.



*Bare down and do what ever you have to do to improve yourself so she will not be a major factor in your emotions and thoughts*.


You can not trust your emotions to that kind of a woman. She may never be remorseful or realize what she has lost. You cannot afford for that to affect you to any great degree. Fight everything that tells you that you are the reason that she is a cheater and that the relationship failed. A review of her history should tell you that the relationship was broken by her and your worth has nothing to do to her cheating; she is a broken woman.

After you get a lot better you will no longer be that concerned if she is remorseful or realizes what she lost. THAT IS WHEN YOU WILL BE FREE!!!!


----------



## ArmyofJuan

waytooforgiving said:


> 27 hours no contact. ugh.
> 
> i DO NOT want her back. no way. no how.
> 
> BUT i want her to want me... I want her to be remorseful.
> 
> it's like an addiction. my IC says it is and will take 21 days to break the habit. hope thats true!
> 
> i just want her to feel true remorse for what she has done. i want her to realize what she's lost.
> 
> i hope to wake up soon and this is all just a fuzzy past... a blip on the radar.


You have to be patient. Her life will crash and burn and she'll realized you were the best thing that ever happened to her. It might take a year for her to realize that and with any luck you'll be deep into your next relationship with someone "normal". 

That being said, she truly is a POS and beneath you. You'll see once your ego has healed (dating would help with this) that you dodged a major bullet and you will want to kick yourself for ever wanting to be in a relationship with her.

That happened to me about 20 years ago. I was such a mess for losing a girl that I never should have wasted a second of my life on. I look back thinking what the hell was wrong with me, I was a chump being played was basically asking for more. I learned not to go down that road again.


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## waytooforgiving

just a quick update...

my happy pills seem to be working! while today is a down day, for the most part i haven't broken out in tears at the most random times. yay!

night before last the ExWS sent me a pic of the tree we carved our initials in when i proposed (on top of a mountain after horseback riding in Vail!). i ignored the message. then find out that she sent it only because the AP (that NEVER left the picture when we were in supposed R) was ignoring her. also found out last night that she told her friend that she is annoyed by the fact that i kept going back and forth. DUH! i kept going back and forth because she kept lying to me. the killer in all this (even though i do NOT want her back) is that she said i am the stable one but she is so in love with AP that she won't ever be able to let him go to be with me... cake eater??

heres to hoping the roller coaster ride swings back up soon.


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## Ovid

waytooforgiving said:


> it's like an addiction. my IC says it is and will take 21 days to break the habit. hope thats true!


I would expect more like 30 days.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

WTFG: I think you should change your cell phone number. Also, set up a filter rule so any email from her goes straight to trash. You really do not need to read any messages from her. For what? To be reminded what a liar she is and how lousy her actions made you feel about yourself??? 

Her behavior has you up and down like a yo-yo. It looks like you are even on meds because of this. She aint worth it!!!!. Get your friends to perform an exorcism to get this demon out of your life. For starters if I was you i would take that wedding money you have saved and go get lost for a while. Take some friends. Vegas, Barcelona, Rio, DR, what ever tickles you fancy, what ever you can afford. You are a young guy, go hit a dance club and do what young guys do to forget about a woman. Hint! Hint!

Life is way to short to wrapped over a woman who shares her 'favors' with everyone.


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## waytooforgiving

7 days NO CONTACT!

i am feeling really good these last few days. hope the high stays!


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## torn2012

Great work WTF. Keep it up!


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## awake1

waytooforgiving said:


> 7 days NO CONTACT!
> 
> i am feeling really good these last few days. hope the high stays!


Thank your lucky stars: You dodge a bullet.


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## lordmayhem

waytooforgiving said:


> the killer in all this (even though i do NOT want her back) is that she said i am the stable one but she is so in love with AP that she won't ever be able to let him go to be with me... cake eater??
> 
> heres to hoping the roller coaster ride swings back up soon.


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## Chaparral

You haven't read MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER yet have you? This needs to be your first priority. It will explain this whole situation.


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## GoBlue

awake1 said:


> Thank your lucky stars: You dodge a bullet.


YES! You did! And you will be so happy in the future when you are with a sweet loyal drama free lady. You will one day look back and think what the hell was I doing? 

I say don't change your phone number, no cheaterville postings, just ignore, ignore, ignore. The more you ignore her and simply don't respond the more empowered you will feel. Trust me! Stay strong, keep busy, and good luck


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## Mr Blunt

> 7 days NO CONTACT!
> 
> i am feeling really good these last few days. hope the high stays!


If you make any contact with her after all you have gone through then you need to get a lot stronger or you are a masochist!!!

Just in case you start to crumble again remember what you said below



> *what a fool i am/was/continue to be. i give into the crap*


Blunt


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## waytooforgiving

Today just plain sucks. 

Was doing so good. Hope the ride goes back up soon. 

She is officially back together with the AP. Boy have they had a rocky start. 

I don't want her back. I want the person I thought she was.

I have this desire to contact her. Not to get her back, but to break them up and feel like I "won". Will anything good come of that?

I don't want them together. Will they last?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt

> Today just plain sucks.
> 
> Was doing so good. Hope the ride goes back up soon.
> 
> She is officially back together with the AP. Boy have they had a rocky start.
> 
> I don't want her back. I want the person I thought she was.
> 
> I have this desire to contact her. Not to get her back, but to break them up and feel like I "won". Will anything good come of that?
> 
> I don't want them together. Will they last?
> Posted via Mobile Device



*Shrug off the pain and STOP allowing this woman to dictate your emotions and thoughts!*

She is gone now accept that and start concentrating on you getting better. That means that she is out and you think ONLY of you without her. 

You could be using all that energy for you becoming more self reliant without her. When you are getting better without her in your life in any way that is when you will be WINNING!!!!


We have all had our DIK droped onto the dirt at some time in our life. Now is the time for you to pick your dik and cajones up off the ground and start moving forward again.




Blunt


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## Decorum

What you are experiencing is completely normal.

The best thing you can do is detach, and move toward indifference.

Don't lease her space in your head any longer than necessary.

Doing anything will cause regret later, taking the high road will result in a feeling of empowerment and self worth later.


Think of it this way. She is a woman, (a very broken one), she needs to have a life now too, she has to have a man to define her, to have any hope in life, why begrudge her that, even though she is a lying, cheating POS.

I have heard men say "I will not get insurance, why should I finance my wife's life with another man".

I have always thought, well she has to live and I want her to be happy.

I know this seems unrelated but its the attitude i am pointing out to help you detach.

George Harrison went to the wedding reception of his EX (Pattie Boyd) and Eric Claption, he knew the relationship had run it course, it was time to move on and wish them well.

(I know it's an obscure reference but I was listening to Layla earlier.) 

Anyway move on.
I wish you well, take care!


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## LostViking

Yeah and how long did that marriage last between Clapton and Boyd? About two years before they cheated on each other. Harrison was smart and saw Boyd for what she was. He was probably relieved when Slowhand took her off his hands. LOL'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

waytooforgiving said:


> Today just plain sucks.
> 
> Was doing so good. Hope the ride goes back up soon.
> 
> She is officially back together with the AP. Boy have they had a rocky start.
> 
> I don't want her back. I want the person I thought she was.
> 
> I have this desire to contact her. Not to get her back, but to break them up and feel like I "won". Will anything good come of that?
> 
> I don't want them together. Will they last?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



They are slime. Let them have each other! Let them rot! Your ex was never in any way bonded to you. You,my friend, were the victim of a con job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VFW

waytooforgiving said:


> Today just plain sucks.
> 
> Was doing so good. Hope the ride goes back up soon.
> 
> She is officially back together with the AP. Boy have they had a rocky start.
> 
> I don't want her back. I want the person I thought she was.
> 
> I have this desire to contact her. Not to get her back, but to break them up and feel like I "won". Will anything good come of that?
> 
> I don't want them together. Will they last?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you make contact and try to break them up, it will only drive them closer together as you become the evil one. Their relationship is based on a fantasy, so it will most likely die on its own. Don't waste your time worrying about what those two knot-heads are doing, instead make yourself busy living your life.


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## waytooforgiving

i was doing soooo good. then i decided to look at her instagram. she posted a picture of her kissing the OM. i know they are "together", but it still made me sick to my stomach. no more snooping. never. 

the good news is that i still don't want her back. i think of the life he is going to have with her and kinda chuckle... poor fellow. my "informant" fills me in on their constant struggles and her daily psycho outbursts with him. i'm glad to be rid of the drama.

all said, i still don't want them to be together. i know deep down she isn't happy, but the thought of her being happy while i pick up the pieces pi$$es me off.


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## turnera

If you're really glad to be free of the drama, ask your 'informant' to stop informing you.


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## waytooforgiving

turnera said:


> If you're really glad to be free of the drama, ask your 'informant' to stop informing you.


great point turnera. i just sent her a message stating your advice. thanks!


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## Truthseeker1

waytooforgiving said:


> i was doing soooo good. then i decided to look at her instagram. she posted a picture of her kissing the OM. i know they are "together", but it still made me sick to my stomach. no more snooping. never.
> 
> the good news is that i still don't want her back. i think of the life he is going to have with her and kinda chuckle... poor fellow. my "informant" fills me in on their constant struggles and her daily psycho outbursts with him. i'm glad to be rid of the drama.
> 
> all said, i still don't want them to be together. i know deep down she isn't happy, but the thought of her being happy while i pick up the pieces pi$$es me off.


You need some IC and some new hobbies my friend...the "informant" should cool it with the "inside info" - did you ever think your ex-fiance has the informant feeding you this garbage to keep you on the hook while she is frolicking with the other man? If the informant keeps telling you how miserable your ex is that maybe you will come in and "rescue her" - wich means in reality - marry her and let her keep on cheating....time to go total NC with EVERYONE from that world....


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## confusedFather

There will come a day when you have a woman who loves you and children you both adore and you will know this was for the best. You'll realize how much you would not have if you had stayed with her.


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## Thorburn

You have allowed this tenant to rent space in your head for too long. Evict her for good.

You will only delay healing by having any thought, contact, image, etc of her. You will relaspse when you snoop or have someone snoop for you.

Stop it now. Your brain needs to be rewired and the wires and the circuits that go to her need to be cut.


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## Shaggy

Just post both of them up on cheaterville.com for closure, then get busy moving on with your new life.


- get a new place to live
- get new clothes and new ride
- and see about some fun vacations for yourself


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## waytooforgiving

well, i am 12 hours away from three weeks of NC! i am almost at the 21 day mark... 21 days is the longest we went without communicating. tomorrow will come and go and be "just another day". then friday will be 22 days, the longest period of NC. kinda sucks considering tomorrow will be 1 year from the day i proposed on top of a mountain after riding to the top on horseback. ugh.

i don't want her back. and i hope i don't hear from her tomorrow. i doubt it even crosses her mind like it does mine...

i just hate how this ended. or shall i say that it ended. 4 years wasted on a POS.


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## Dyokemm

OP, 

I always try to look on sh***y experiences in life as learning experiences rather than a waste of time and effort.

It helps me to keep a positive outlook on things (important since I have always struggled with depression). I try to tell myself that even though the event/experience sucked, at least I learned something from it and became a stronger, wiser, and better person.

And I always remind myself that probably at least half the things I know in life have come from lessons learned in situations I would never want to repeat.


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## LostViking

Just treat it like another day. You will get past it, then another week, and another....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

waytooforgiving said:


> well, i am 12 hours away from three weeks of NC! i am almost at the 21 day mark... 21 days is the longest we went without communicating. tomorrow will come and go and be "just another day". then friday will be 22 days, the longest period of NC. kinda sucks considering tomorrow will be 1 year from the day i proposed on top of a mountain after riding to the top on horseback. ugh.
> 
> i don't want her back. and i hope i don't hear from her tomorrow. i doubt it even crosses her mind like it does mine...
> 
> i just hate how this ended. or shall i say that it ended. 4 years wasted on a POS.


Busy yourself, don't give your mind the time to wander. Do some things that you at least needed to get done, or better yet, wanted to get done. Re-take up jogging, lifting/bodybuilding, tightrope walking - Something(s) that you already like doing, or have want always wanted to try.

Stuff that works your body and also occupies your mind worked best for me.

Once we're in motion, we tend to stay in motion. The worst thing to do would be to just sit around staring out a window.

Hang in there, your doing good.


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## Hartbrok

I wish you the best. I really can feel your pain. I'm living it as we speak.


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## waytooforgiving

Thanks everyone for the kind words and support. This place is a life saver. I look forward to getting over the hump and being one to help folks and not be the ranter. Slowly but surely. There's only one way out and that's up!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking

Every day that vampire is no longer in your life, sucking your soul, is a good day. Just keep repeating that to yourself. Allow hate and disgust to replace the love. It is okay to do that.


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## TimesOfChange

LostViking said:


> Every day that vampire is no longer in your life, sucking your soul, is a good day. Just keep repeating that to yourself. Allow hate and disgust to replace the love. It is okay to do that.


And don't forget a necklace made of garlic. Especially female cheaters hate those .


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## treyvion

LostViking said:


> Every day that vampire is no longer in your life, sucking your soul, is a good day. Just keep repeating that to yourself. Allow hate and disgust to replace the love. It is okay to do that.


My cheater became a soulless and emotionalless entity. Anger and disguist filled her vestiges previously filled with admiration and love. One must imagine to OM's as she did her satanic dance, that they must giggle in glee and delight of the cheating on her husband, similar to jezebel in the bible or bathsheba. Completely and corrupted women.


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## livinfree

*tonight i tell WS that i no longer want R. please help give me courage. SCA...*

The ultimate is to fill your heart with indifference.


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## waytooforgiving

Today is five weeks no contact!!! And I've stopped getting updates from the friend. All I know is that they (ExWS and OP) live in constant drama. Good for them!

I'm at five weeks NC, 6 weeks of me contacting her first, and 4.5 months since DDay. Things do get better! Now the thought of her disgusts me and I have ZERO desire to talk to her or see her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## torn2012

Good for you mate!


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## BobSimmons

Great for you!! Now stop counting.. you're devoting more time to her than she deserves. Start counting the days of freedom since you're now moving forward with your life.


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