# Advice pleeeease?



## sinnalo13 (May 8, 2012)

So let me start from the beginning of the problems...even before marriage.

So I started dated my then bf in late 2008. Everything went great, as everything goes in most relationships in the beginning. He was scheduled to leave for boot camp for the Marines in June 2009. Well in April, I found out he was cheating on me with a girl I had never met before. As in they had a fling going on and this is what that girl's best friend told me happened. They basically had a sexual relationship going on.Thank you Myspace for that! & since then, I have not been able to trust him fully. I can honestly say he is my first love & it had been so hard to leave him. I forgave him. I stood by his side throughout his boot camp, writing to him EVERY DAY, and he apologized and seemed like a changed man during each and every one of those letters. Anyway, in one of those letters he stated that he written a letter to her and her to him, but promised that he would cut all contact with her. 

Back to the point, the whole next year, I found out, since I am VERY smart with the Internet, that he had been maintaining contact with her, and would be messaging girls on FB and telling them they were cute/hot, etc.

I married this man & decided to leave it in the past and forgive him, hoping he would change.

This is another incident, a few months after we got married. I carefully found out the password to his screen lock and when he was sleeping, had to urge to look through his texts. I found that he had been messaging my SISTER among other girls. I forgave him for that too. This other incident was where I almost left him, & I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE. :/ We were having a party at his house with all kinds of strangers coming and going and I noticed that he was talking extremely close to a certain female. I confronted her and informed her that he was married, and she said there was nothing going on. Anway, he left that morning around 3 am with her. His friends told me he had gone to a hotel. He didnt get home till 7 am that day, drunk and apologizing and crying and saying nothing happened. Why I believed him? IDK! I was brainwashed! Nothing has been the same ever since. He had gotten alot better. Never found anything bad anymore, and just this year in January, I looked through his phone again. He had been messaging his best friend about the same girl he cheated on me with when we were dating and said that the girl (GIGI) had hit him up and that they wanted to have a threesome. Among other texts, he had been messaging a random girl calling her babe and saying he would call her. At this point, I was done and fed up. It took me a week to think about it, but I finally made the decision to get the divorce papers. When he thought he was going to be served with them, he sweet talked me and I fell for it again.

Present time: I moved to Escondido CA to be closer to him since I was living in AZ with his mom.I am not happy. We don't have sex much anymore. I feel like I a settling and I believe people, change, I just dont believe he will change. Honestly, I am scared of how life will be after him. He is the love of my life, but a girl can only put up with so much before reaching her breaking point. I cant get over all the infidelities.I deserve a marriage and a man that will love me and cherish me and respect me. There is absolutely NO TRUST in this relationship from my part. What should I do?????


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Divorce him. He has suffered no consequences for treating you so badly so now he believes there are none. Cut him loose and start over, do not give in to his sweet talking again.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

sinnalo13 said:


> So let me start from the beginning of the problems...even before marriage.
> 
> So I started dated my then bf in late 2008. Everything went great, as everything goes in most relationships in the beginning. He was scheduled to leave for boot camp for the Marines in June 2009. Well in April, I found out he was cheating on me with a girl I had never met before. As in they had a fling going on and this is what that girl's best friend told me happened. They basically had a sexual relationship going on.Thank you Myspace for that! & since then, I have not been able to trust him fully. I can honestly say he is my first love & it had been so hard to leave him. I forgave him. I stood by his side throughout his boot camp, writing to him EVERY DAY, and he apologized and seemed like a changed man during each and every one of those letters. Anyway, in one of those letters he stated that he written a letter to her and her to him, but promised that he would cut all contact with her.
> 
> ...


He cares about himself only... is selfish and has had no consequence for his infidelities. He will NOT change. He does not love you more than he loves himself. PLEASE get out now and find a real man. I had a cheating fiance that was the same, left him and now have been married to the most wonderful man (father of my two beautiful kids) for almost 16 years.

Not gonna lie, leaving will break your heart, but love your self enough to know you deserve to be truely loved and RESPECTED by a man. Dont' forget the risk of STD is putting on you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Stop forgiving him for his cheating. What he leant from it is he can cheat and cheat and there are no consequences. None.

Look, he is what is called a serial cheater. He just keros going from skank to skank. Hr even left with a girl and went to a hotel with her for the night. At a party you were at! Come on have a little bit of self esteem and dump this guy before he brings home a nasty STD or knocks soe chick up.

Divorce him, no man would treat a woman he loves like this. I don't know why he is with you at all since he is living like a single guy chasing tail constantly.

This isn't his relationship are meant to be. Would you have married him if you knew he was going to cheat on and on without any guilt? Then why are you married to him now?

You are living in a open marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

I am sorry to hear of your situation and all here, really. The knowledge of an unfaithful spouse, or even signs which lead to suspicions are horrible for the innocent spouse. Marriage, as we would like to think is firm commitment. It is a deal, and when infidelity is present, a deal- breaker. It would seem your spouse said 'I do' only to not commit. This is especially true when the infidelity is present at such an early stage in marriages. Do not act rash, but do consider the future effects of his actions on your heart. What will it turn you into. And we need not be reminded of the spreading of std's some innocent spouses suffer. I hope you can resolve your situation without much pain. Take care!


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## sinnalo13 (May 8, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> Divorce him. He has suffered no consequences for treating you so badly so now he believes there are none. Cut him loose and start over, do not give in to his sweet talking again.


He really hasn't suffererd any consequences. I've NEVER cheated on him out of spite or anything. I'm just not happy anymore. & I think he notices it. He says I am mad all the time. & I believe I have a reason to be. But I do not want to be a mad person because of him and stay mad forever. I need to forgive and move on. Maybe when I am gone he will realize that he had the best. & he stiill acts like he is single, and he will be. I'm just scared. I dont know if to move back to my hometown, or stay here and make my own living......Thank you everybody for your replies. I appreciate them so much! I was hesitant to post on here first but thank you so much!


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## sinnalo13 (May 8, 2012)

reset button said:


> He cares about himself only... is selfish and has had no consequence for his infidelities. He will NOT change. He does not love you more than he loves himself. PLEASE get out now and find a real man. I had a cheating fiance that was the same, left him and now have been married to the most wonderful man (father of my two beautiful kids) for almost 16 years.
> 
> Not gonna lie, leaving will break your heart, but love your self enough to know you deserve to be truely loved and RESPECTED by a man. Dont' forget the risk of STD is putting on you.


You are right. At this point I honestly believe he will not change. He is going to break down and say he cant live without me, but honestly I can't live with a man who only thinks about himself & his own selfish needs without thinking about me. I did my part. I tried to stick around and see if he would change. He is my first love & I have given him PLENTY OF CHHANCES. & he has screwed me over too many times. Thank you for your response.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

You go girl - get this loser out of your life a.s.a.p. If he breaks down and says he can't live without you - ignore him - or tell him you can't live WITH him. He's playing you for a fool - don't let him do any more damage than he already has.

And don't second guess yourself - he's really not the love of your life - the love of your life will love you back with a complete committment. The quicker you dump this jerk, the quicker you can start dating again and looking for your real soul mate!


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## sinnalo13 (May 8, 2012)

jinba said:


> You go girl - get this loser out of your life a.s.a.p. If he breaks down and says he can't live without you - ignore him - or tell him you can't live WITH him. He's playing you for a fool - don't let him do any more damage than he already has.
> 
> And don't second guess yourself - he's really not the love of your life - the love of your life will love you back with a complete committment. The quicker you dump this jerk, the quicker you can start dating again and looking for your real soul mate!


Girl, I'm not even going to start looking for any men. I need a break. lol. I will let my soulmate find me. & yes, he has played me for a fool way too many times. & I even tell him I will not be made a fool of once again, & I always do.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Don't blame you there ... once bitten, twice shy. Take your time and learn to love yourself again - then you'll be fully free to love someone else.


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

You are on the right track. And in time you will feel better. Yeah, love finds alot of us when we are not looking. Moving to your hometown? That sounds even better. Space and time will help even more! Good luck. Take care!!!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

sigma1299 said:


> Divorce him. He has suffered no consequences for treating you so badly so now he believes there are none. Cut him loose and start over, do not give in to his sweet talking again.


:iagree: You're still young. You can still start over with someone better.


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