# Wife Says I "Pushed Her Hand" ????



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

A couple days ago in counseling, my wife says that "I pushed her hand" and she had to file for divorce. The MC even repeated this so I guess they think it's important. Does this mean she had the paperwork all filled out but she wasn't sure whether or not to go ahead and something I did/said gave her the go ahead? This morning she rants on blaming me for all the woes she is going to face having to get a job. "You did this to me" she says. I'm sure I'm not blameless, but how exactly did I make her do something (anything)? I must be a little dense because I'm not getting it. What exactly is she saying here? If there is some particular thing I did, shouldn't I told? 

I hope this doesn't sound whinny. I am genuinely curious


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Of course it's all your fault. Why one earth wouldn't it be! C'mon, face it, you were the reason everything went wrong. What's the matter, can't you guess by osmossis what you did; surely every man knows strictly by the way she is acting EXACTLY what the problem is. What's wrong with you, didn't you get the memo? Shame on you for not seeing the eyes roll while she was locked in the bathroom. Did you not notice when she started getting busy cleaning the house without talking that she was telling you what was wrong! Man, you failed, you should know exactly what is bothering her. Why are you so incompetant, anyone can tell EXACTLY where the problem is just by listening to the tone of voice. Just because you know by the way she is acting that she is mad doesn't mean you should not know the exact root of the issue. Man you're inept.

I knew every single little word that was going through her mind when she got mad. I am beside myself that you don't know how to interpret her actions into the exact root cause of her anger. You're a terrible guesser and hence not worhty of hanging around with.

C'mon man every woman knows this. You are just an uncaring person because she is SHOWING you what you should be trying to fix. How dare you think she has to verbally communicate that to you. Did you not know that Aliens are female. With those big heads, they send telepathic impulses at you and my God man, any dummy can receive them and understand them clearly.

I guess she will just have to pursue the other man that can receive those vibes and really understand her feelings. :rofl:


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Brighter, you're a funny guy. But she rolls her eyes all the time. She never cleans. It could have been a million things. So why did the MC make a point of saying "you heard what she said there right?" Did he get it? Is he trying to confuse me? Is he testing me to see if I'll ask?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Brighter, you're a funny guy. But she rolls her eyes all the time. She never cleans. It could have been a million things.


Aww man, I could tell with my wife. She goes no contact on me and ignores me while I am right in front of her. When she is really pissed she will launch straight into housework of some sort. Then she will just have this, "your a piece of sh**t" stare at me. It's pretty demeaining and it stresses me out because I am trying to guess at all kinds of things that might be bothering her. I hope I can relay this to her this weekend without ruffling her feathers but I don't feel like I will pull that off. We are supposed to have a very hard weekend of communication learning and I don't have the faith I need to believe that she will change for us; just as I am open and willing to change whatever it is she feels she can't stand about me. We need a lot of prayer. This is a critical weekend that will more than likely determine where we will go in the future.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Brighter, you're a funny guy. But she rolls her eyes all the time. She never cleans. It could have been a million things. So why did the MC make a point of saying "you heard what she said there right?" Did he get it? Is he trying to confuse me? Is he testing me to see if I'll ask?


Because she was probably thinking that she gave you enough warning about whatever it was you were doing that bothered her and you continued doing it. So she waited, and waited, and waited to see if you would "get it", and you didn't so she felt compelled to file.

With that said, my retort to the counselor (or her), would have been, "No, I really am not sure about the specific nature of her comment." can you elaborate, give me some specifics, because I honestly don't know. I am not a mind reader and she never has addressed any specific issue with me.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> We are supposed to have a very hard weekend of communication learning and I don't have the faith I need to believe that she will change for us; just as I am open and willing to change whatever it is she feels she can't stand about me. We need a lot of prayer. This is a critical weekend


Sure she will, but there is only so much you can expect (in a weekend)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> A couple days ago in counseling, my wife says that "I pushed her hand" and she had to file for divorce.
> 
> "You did this to me" she says. I'm sure I'm not blameless, but how exactly did I make her do something (anything)? I must be a little dense because I'm not getting it. What exactly is she saying here? If there is some particular thing I did, shouldn't I told?


This is utter BULLSH!T! 

You didn't MAKE her do anything. She is a grown adult wtih choices. DO NOT EVER OWN the fact that she filed for divorce (Unless you stuck a gun to her head, made her drive to a lawyer's, pay the retainer fee, and sign the divorce papers and then later had her serve you).

She is deflecting the blame. Totally.

Oh sure, you weren't perfect (newsflash: nobody is). Own what you did wrong in the marriage and that's it. But don't ever let her try to make you accountable for an action that she took solely on her own.

My ex did this sh!t too. Told me "You made me file for D." He also told me I "made him" break doors/things, that I "made him" throw my belongings away on the lawn, that I "made him" not speak to me for days at a time.

It's the way they deflect blame so they don't have to face the fact that they are responsible for their actions.

My advice to you is to tell her to her face "You and I both know the truth. I did not MAKE you file for divorce and I did not 'push your hand' and make you sign D papers with your fingers and hands--that was a choice you made on your own. Nobody made you do that. You had a choice and you made it. I am not a saint and have been accountable for things I"ve said and done and have apologized to you for it, but do not ever say that I 'made' you file for your divorce." 

END POINT.

And walk away.

Oh and that BS about the job, how sad she is she now has to start looking for work, too bad so sad for her. Tell her that goes along with getting the divorce.

DO NOT TAKE THE BLAME FOR THINGS YOU HAD NO CONTROL OVER TEN!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

:iagree: Jellybeans said what I wanted to say!


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

Thanks all. I don't want to confront her because she is emotionally unstable, per her MC. I was reading another thread her complaining about the cost of divorce (and it is expensive) but I'm really having trouble deciding whether or not it's a good deal


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

My husband sort of tried to pull the same kind of thing on me. His explanation for why he took (stole) $21,000 from our equity account (joint account - my name is on it too): "I was unhappy". Then he looked at me like I was supposed to get the significance of this statement.

What a load of B.S. I was unhappy too. It didn't cause me to rip-off my spouse for thousands and hide it for a year, and cause him to worry every day that it won't ever be paid back. 

He took the money because he is lacking a moral center.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

My wife said pretty much the same after exposure. She even said I tried to "bully" her into coming back to me with exposure. I just told her I wanted her to stop committing adultery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Mommy drinks because you're bad.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

I read this on here once: "don't ever accept more that 50% of the blame for your divorce"

I don't remember who said it but I live by those words, my stbx sounds a lot like your's and it really helps me keep things in perspective.

That and reading the journal I've kept for the last few months, when I read it I easily see her patterns.

Good luck man.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Sometimes if your ex is whacko and out of their minds, the only fault you really have is not getting a burlap sack and a cinder block.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wrench said:


> I read this on here once: "don't ever accept more that 50% of the blame for your divorce"


Amen to that!


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