# Wife walked out but still loves me



## InGoodTime (Nov 11, 2013)

Just joined the forum today but have been reading it for months and it has helped me immensely coping with things. 
A little background about my situation.
I have been separated for just over 3 months now, she moved out into her friend's house up until a week and a half ago when she got her own apartment. She wont tell me where it is or wants me to come see it which i understand. 
She had left because she said she was unhappy and had been for quite some time, the old "its not you its me" routine.
We tried marriage counselling but the councillor was just terrible, both her and i agreed.
She didn't want to see another one after that.
We have been together for 15 years, we started seeing each other when i was 18 and she was 16.We got married just 2 years ago in September.It all started last Jan, she turned completely cold and ignored me in every way imaginable. No i love you, no hugs, kisses, snuggling, nothing. This went on for over 3 months. I tried everything to get to the bottom of things.I ended up hacking into her phone being it was password protected and her facebook & email were both very secured, she was extremely secretive.
I was not proud of going into her phone but even the marriage councillor said desperate times calls for desperate measures.
Found a guy's phone number on her phone with his name programmed into the phone who i have never heard of. I confronted her about it and she told me it was a guy she had met at a conference for work while she was across the other side of the country just months prior. They had been going out for drinks and dinner she said just a few times, she later told me he wasn't the only one.
I was mature about it and tried to move our relationship forward, we later went on a trip that did nothing for us, she just wasn't there mentally.
She insists she has been faithful, she does not believe going out for dinner and drinks with these men are dates but its how i see it, more of emotional affairs.
We have been on great speaking terms the whole time, she puts most of the blame on herself and she still says she thinks the world of me and i deserve so much better. I am still madly in love with her and want her back so bad.I have tried everything but it feels the more i try the further away she gets. She told me over a week ago she still loves me and misses me, i thought that is when i should implement the 180 and it backfired i think. She came to me yesterday and told me she wants to see other people and she just wants me to be happy and wants me to see other women. 
She said she came to this conclusion because she had to make a decision and not leave me just in limbo waiting for her. I have tried to hate her for walking out and dropping her all together but i can't, i love her more than anything.Just 9 months before she walked out we were trying to have a baby.
it all just happened so fast.
The first 2 months were the worst, about a month ago i ended up on the kitchen floor balling my eyes out for 45 minutes and putting a butcher knife to my wrist.I just pressed down on it real hard but did not injure myself. It was a wake up call and since then my emotions are much more stable. I am out partying again with old friends and am feeling better about myself.
I also started working out very hard earlier in the year, dropped 60 pounds and am chiselled now.
Sorry for the novel here just trying to get everything out there, im sure im forgetting some things. Just looking for advice here, should i trying implementing the 180? i don't want to lose her love but also i don't want to not be there for her when she needs me. i am so confused what to do. I know she still loves me but i feel she feels she needs to experience dating seeing as how i am the only guy she has ever really been with. This is something she should have had figured out before we got married but here we are.
Again sorry for the novel just looking for advice.
Thank you.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

When my first wife and I divorced, it was messy and she was doing everything to make my life a living hell.

One night I was in a real funk. I was happy that she was gone and I still am to this day (32 years ago) but at the time I was really down and I had to go find something in the hall closet and in the back was an old rifle that belonged to my grandfather. I pulled it out and was looking at it and the thought of just one bullet and I can have peace. Just one bullet. Then I came to my senses and said to myself, bull$h!t! let her blow her brains out. I went down to the garage, put the rifle in the vice and bent it to where it was useless, then I broke the stock and threw it out. 

The next time she tell you that she wants you to be happy, the best thing I can tell you is letting her know that the best thing that has happened is she's gone and you bet I deserve something better than a wife who sneaks off with other guys and then has the ball to say that she doesn't consider it cheating.

She's a liar, a cheat and a hypocrite and you most certainly deserve better. Then get a lawyer and divorce her unfaithful ass and stop communicating with her.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

6301 said:


> When my first wife and I divorced, it was messy and she was doing everything to make my life a living hell.
> 
> One night I was in a real funk. I was happy that she was gone and I still am to this day (32 years ago) but at the time I was really down and I had to go find something in the hall closet and in the back was an old rifle that belonged to my grandfather. I pulled it out and was looking at it and the thought of just one bullet and I can have peace. Just one bullet. Then I came to my senses and said to myself, bull$h!t! let her blow her brains out. I went down to the garage, put the rifle in the vice and bent it to where it was useless, then I broke the stock and threw it out.
> 
> ...


I guess you will have to serve her at work which is nice.:lol:
Go dark on her and start dating already.


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

When someone tells you they want to see other people, chances are they're already dating someone else or has someone lined up. 

If she doesn't want to leave you in limbo then has she filed yet?

The 180 didn't backfire. The point of it is to detach and work on yourself. Its not for the benefit of the marriage but for your benefit. When done correctly you'll come off as indifferent and independent. Apply the 180 again.


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## InGoodTime (Nov 11, 2013)

tainted said:


> When someone tells you they want to see other people, chances are they're already dating someone else or has someone lined up.
> 
> If she doesn't want to leave you in limbo then has she filed yet?
> 
> The 180 didn't backfire. The point of it is to detach and work on yourself. Its not for the benefit of the marriage but for your benefit. When done correctly you'll come off as indifferent and independent. Apply the 180 again.


was thinking about applying it again, she is still affectionate and caring and still leaves me hope we can work it out in the end. She said she is scared to have me move on because she may change her mind and want a family with me in time. She is the love of my life but i feel she has been playing me a bit here, she wants my attention but feel she already has someone lined up and is waiting to see if it worked out, i will apply the 180 again, it's just hard. i planned my whole life around this woman.I am 33 and i am not sure i can trust another woman enough to marry or have kids again. All i have ever wanted was children and a family and i feel she stole that away from me, it is why it is so hard to move on.
Thanks for the posts gang.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude your wife is a big time cake eater. Shewant to phuck other guys and keep you on the hook so when she is done she has you as plan B .

You do realize that you are being set up don't you....the 'ol Im pregnent with some guys kid And I don't know who he is...can you be my babies daddy???

Even if I'm wrong I know for a fact that the crap she is telling other poeple/guys about what a piece of crap you are and other crap that would destroy any love you have left for her.


I bet she is telling all her friend what a great time she is having with this guy and that guy.
Trust me, she is not the same girl when you are not around. Do you think she is telling these other guys what a great husband you are and how much she loves you????

Come on man she is telling her friends what a great night she had with this guy and what a great lay that guy was...but when she is with you she loves you and wants to be with you but just needs space...dude if you could only be a fly on the wall when she's talking to her girl friends the next morning but yet when she is with you she is hurting and confussed and needs time to fugure out what she wants.

DUDE SHE ALREADY FIGURED IT OUT AND THE ONLY ONE CONFUSSED IS YOU CUZ YOUR CHICK KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sorry for shouting..I just see the tree thru the forest.

Man ...chick dig confident guys and stop being her Plan B and go find someone that can be honest and loyal.

I ean really...why in the hell do you think she doesn;t want you to know were she lives....are you some kind of staulker...I mean why hide, why the secrets, why the string along....

Cuz you tolorate it!!!!!!

Were's my 2x4?

somebody find my 2x4!

Phuck the knife let me hit you with a 2x4.

Dude if one of your friends just told you the same story you just told me what the hell would you tell your friend?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

InGoodTime said:


> was thinking about applying it again, she is still affectionate and caring and still leaves me hope we can work it out in the end. She said she is scared to have me move on because she may change her mind and want a family with me in time. She is the love of my life but i feel she has been playing me a bit here, she wants my attention but feel she already has someone lined up and is waiting to see if it worked out, i will apply the 180 again, it's just hard. i planned my whole life around this woman.I am 33 and i am not sure i can trust another woman enough to marry or have kids again. All i have ever wanted was children and a family and i feel she stole that away from me, it is why it is so hard to move on.
> Thanks for the posts gang.


Please stop this right now!

She hasn;t been playing you a bit....she has been playing you all the way.

Really, you don't even know were your wife lives and yet you except her affectionate attention....I would be so pissed!!!

I would even answer the door , not even the text to come over...

Maybe its me maybe its my self respect and ego that keeps me from letting the women I love define me.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> Dude your wife is a big time cake eater. Shewant to phuck other guys and keep you on the hook so when she is done she has you as plan B .
> 
> You do realize that you are being set up don't you....the 'ol Im pregnent with some guys kid And I don't know who he is...can you be my babies daddy???
> 
> ...


:iagree:
He is right on the money here.
Let your w see you with someone younger and hotter and watch the change of attitude.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

ok she DOES NOT love you, she is feeding you that line to keep you around while she finds out if one of these other guys is her new man you are her fall back plan. i got feed that line. its just a line like when they say we can stay friends....no you cant.


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