# Telling him to leave



## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Soon I will be in the next divorce forum, so thought I would start here for now. 

My H won't be home till Thursday so I have to wait till then to tell him to move out. I found out the other day that our whole 13 years together have been a lie from the first time we started talking. And he has been lying and cheating off and on the whole time. 

I am nervous about talking to him, I am trying to "emotionally detach" so I can try to do it without much emotion. ( probably won't happen).

I have been going through bills today to start trying to figure some financial issues. 

As most people here,,, sure I'm repeating " Never thought I would be posting here"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You can use these days wisely. Do you have a copy machine in your house? If not just take all the finacial paperwork to a copy store and copy everything. Keep the copies in a safe place.. like your parent's house or a storage bin.

I used a small storage bin. Go copies of everything down to the keys. Then I was able to take the time to go through the copies carefully. 

Financial paperwork has a way of disappearing when it all hits the fan.

Do you have joint bank accounts with him? If you do then on the day he's on his way home, go withdraw 50% of all the money, open a new account and put your half into an account in your name only. If you need to, arrange to have the statements to somewhere other than your current home.

Remember to keep copies of all transaction paperwork. You migh need it during the divorce. You are not hiding money, or stealing money. You are only ensuring your financial viability.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Good idea, his paycheck gets deposited Thursday morning. The house is in my name only. I can make copies of everything else tomorrow. 

I am more nervous about the talk. As bad as he has treated me, and as stupid as it sounds, I worry about hurting his feelings... 

I have been trying to rehearse what I am going to say... I suppose I will write it out a few times and maybe that will at least help me remember everything I am confronting him with so I don't have to look at note cards...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Numb in Ohio said:


> Good idea, his paycheck gets deposited Thursday morning. The house is in my name only. I can make copies of everything else tomorrow.
> Check your state laws. Generally the equity that has built up in the house has to be split 50/50. So if in this terrible housing market you have any equity you might have to buy him out to stay in the house. Also what was the source of the money used for a down payment? If it was money earned during our marriage that’ 50% his was well.
> 
> 
> ...


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

No, he is a truck driver and doesn't have phone with internet so he pretty much isn't on internet except for home. It's funny that when ever we talk about his EA's is only when he's on the road. He says he'd rather talk about it on the phone and not face to face so he doesn't have to see the hurt in my face,,,( I know it is because it's easier to lie to me not looking at me in the eye).

I thought about telling him over the phone, but want to see him squirm... especially when I tell him that most the info I got on him was from his XW.. and she said she didn't care me telling him what she said. ( He cheated on her numerous times).. she said she isn't scared of him anymore... So I trust that she wouldn't have any reason to not tell me the truth..

We have already kinda talked about the "what if" I didn't stay with him because of his A,, he says he wouldn't let me lose the house, and would help pay some bills,,,,but I know this won't last very long, especially as it gets further into the D. And especially if he finds someone else. I can't see him staying alone very long. I babied him, he was spoiled, yet took it for granted.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I have a regular attorney I have used for other issues.. so I will call him tomorrow and see if he will give me a free consult and see what I need to do.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea my ex said that about helping me... until it came time to do it. Then he turned into one mean SOB>


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I told him, that if I lose the house, then so be it. He just bought me a new car ( funny how it was right after I confronted his first EA,, yet he said it wasn't a guilt buy) RIGHT!! But it's in his name, so the only vehicle in my name is our "extra" vehicle. So I'm sure he will be trying to sell a vehicle too.

I know I will not be able to afford the house by myself, my older kids are living here but they are only working couple days a week because of going to college, so I know they won't be able to contribute. 

The state of Ohio is not a "no fault" state, but I have no proof of a PA,, just the EA's, which I'm sure aren't recognized in court and I don't think it matters since no kids together. I don't know how any of that legal stuff works.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You would do well to search the divorce topic online for your state. There is a lot of info available. You can also go have consulations with some attornies. Find ones that give free 1/2 to 1 hour consultations. You can learn a lot that way and maybe even find one you can work with.

Can your older kids get financial aid for going to school? That would help.

You do not work right now, right? Maybe you could go to school and get some training.. get financial aid.

Check to see what the laws are for spousal support. You might be able to get support for a few years.. like about half the length of your marriage. That would give you time to get some training so you can make enough to support yourself and help your kids.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I have a full time job ( just don't make a ton),,, I am only off work right now cause in January I had my middle right lobe of my lung removed because of histoplasmosis that caused a calcified lymph node to block the airway and it filled with infection and collapsed . 

Yes, I was sick for 2 years with this,, coughing up blood , getting recurrent bronchitis and pneumonia, and it didn't phase him, guess he felt no guilt continuing to talk to other women.

My son is in the Army so he gets his school paid for. My daughter is getting financial aid ( having a child helps her).

I'm not sure on the spousal support because our 10 years isn't until August, so not sure if most of that goes along with having to be married at least 10 years.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

With your health problems you do really need to talk to a lawyer. They will take thinks like the length of your marriage and your health into consideration. It sounds like you have some serious issues.

Spousal Support and Other Marital Rights — Ohio Legal Services

Do the doctors think you will be able to go back to work?


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I am released to go back to work next Monday. I have to do a lot of lifting, so hope I'm not going back too soon. Hoping it will help me keep busy and not sit at home just dwelling on things.. I tend to obsess over things...
( so much for my afternoon naps) 

I think he knows something is up, because I haven't been very talkative when he calls,, and I don't call him very often like I used to. 

Getting ready to check out the link you put up for me.


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