# Appreciation



## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Hello TAM friends. Been taking a bit of a break from this site as my job has picked back up full throttle again. I don't post much about myself but I'm a teacher and a coach so this is my silly season. 

Been thinking about this a lot today and I'm wondering what some thoughts are on this. I've always been a giver. If I think someone genuinely appreciates what I do for them then I would lay down in the middle of traffic for them. I remember early in my marriage my ex wife appreciated me very much. At my old job my boss appreciated me and the people in that town pretty much revered me. I was the cool coach and teacher in that town. There were several years where I admit that I was somewhat arrogant about it. My confidence was through the roof. Nothing nor anyone could tear me down. 

Then, over time my ex began appreciating me less and less. I did most things "wrong" in her eyes and I went into a depression at home. This definitely added to the issues and really affected the marriage. Funny how you can go back in time and see how one event leads to another. Anyway, I changed jobs to get out of that town and it has not gone very well. I went from being on top of the mountain to being the low man on the totem pole when I came to this job. I haven't heard one word of appreciation since I've gotten here and it just doesn't feel right to me. 

My problem is, how do I get out of this? I'm really contemplating moving on again. Not sure if this is the right move or not. Honestly, when I started this job last fall I was only a few months out of my divorce so I was somewhat not prepared mentally to develop relationships with anyone but at the same time I've been thinking about this and realized that no one at all at this new job has ever tried to get to know me. I'm just not use to this. 

Is it me? Am I giving off some weird vibes or something? I'm really trying hard to fit in but it seems like I'm always kind of getting excluded and doors are being shut in some aspects. Doesn't really make sense to me and I've never experienced this before. My confidence is really low right now and I'm not use to this. 

Any insight would be appreciated....

Paradise


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Change is difficult. It may be that you might have to move on but I would suggest that you GIVE appreciation to others. It feels amazing and eventually comes around if you are doing things right.

You may have to put your best foot forward and get to know them first.


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## GD Lengacher (Sep 3, 2012)

You started this job a few months after your divorce. I'm sure you had walls up that you were unaware of that kept people from embracing you. 

Coaching is tough. I was an assistant HS football coach during my divorce and the time commitment was both a blessing and a curse. Being extremely busy helped keep my mind off of my personal issues but it also made it difficult to deal with everything I needed to. If it weren't for the fact that I had established relationships with the players and other coaches before my divorce I'm sure I would have had a tough time

I think I would hold off on making a move until you've taken the time to heal from your divorce. Make a concerted effort this year to build relationships and see what happens. Also, take some time to take a hard look inside to see what changed about you after your divorce that may be keeping people from appreciating you.


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