# I cracked!!



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

i just called my husband with some lame excuse to ask about the bills when all I wanted was just to hear his voice. We talked for a couple of minutes I asked if he was ok and he just told me he got threaten at work by some dumb guy. He was at work so I couldn't ask him anything else more, and I know I shouldn't but ugh, what else can I do?


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

We all have done it don't beat yourself up about it. I did this pretty much non stop for the 1st week I am headed into week 3 and I will say it does get better it is hard to see it sometimes but there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. 

It sounds like the conversation was civil and that is a huge plus.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

thanks! tomorrow will be week 4 for us. I feel like I want to call him again later and talk about us, but if I do, I know I will hear things I dont want to hear and make me feel worse. I keep dreaming about him every single day, and it makes me miss him more. In my dreams he is still ignoring me, I want to talk to him but he doesn't want to, except last night where I had a dream that we were both together and we had a little boy going grocery shopping. I know I am only dreaming about this because I want this, to be together again. The more I dont want to think of him, the more I do.


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

I still have dreams that I am trying to talk to my wife and she is telling me she wants nothing to do with me. This after 4.5 weeks of separation. What can you do, I actually used to have these dreams when we were together too, as I knew back then she didn't want me. In fact, I always felt I loved her more than she loved me.

It's hard in the morning when you wake up, but then you just have to get on with it. I ride snowmobiles, dirt bikes, and just bought another sportbike after selling mine and hers last year, and the best thing about them all is when you are out riding them, you have to concentrate so much that no other thoughts enter your mind. It is even a better break then sleeping where you can dream. You just don't think about anything else while you are riding, it is awesome. Hopefully you can find something like that which works for you, that takes you away from it all for a little while and gives you a break.

It does get easier with time, a little each day.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Hurtin' unit said:


> I still have dreams that I am trying to talk to my wife and she is telling me she wants nothing to do with me. This after 4.5 weeks of separation. What can you do, I actually used to have these dreams when we were together too, as I knew back then she didn't want me. In fact, I always felt I loved her more than she loved me.



I also had those dreams in where he would tell me that he didn't love me, while we were together. I dream of him everyday and it hurts so much to know that he is so close yet so far. 

It's hard in the morning when you wake up, but then you just have to get on with it. I ride snowmobiles, dirt bikes, and just bought another sportbike after selling mine and hers last year, and the best thing about them all is when you are out riding them, you have to concentrate so much that no other thoughts enter your mind. It is even a better break then sleeping where you can dream. You just don't think about anything else while you are riding, it is awesome. Hopefully you can find something like that which works for you, that takes you away from it all for a little while and gives you a break.

It does get easier with time, a little each day.[/QUOTE]

I find the morning harder to deal with. I don't see him waking up next to me anymore and that makes me sad. I go to school but nothing seems to work for me, I just feel like my stomach hurts like I have a big void inside of me and nothing helps. I feel so lost w/o. I try not to think about him, but it just gets worse. How long were u two married?


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

It would have been 16 years this July, together for 17 years this Sept. Not as long as we had planned, but I guess that's how it is for everybody.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

that is 10 years more than us. I was hoping that we would grow old together.


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## Hurtin' unit (Apr 13, 2010)

Yaa, me too.

This is going to be a hard weekend, holiday on Monday here and my landlord/co-worker/roommate has gone fishing for the weekend, my kids are not coming due to the holiday and having family in to see them. I feel kinda robbed about the kids, I was looking forward to having the time with them. Will probably go up and take them dirt biking Sunday or Monday, my daughter really wants to go. That still leaves two days of nothing to do and nobody to do it with. Will have to go out on the sportbike for a ride, and maybe call a couple of people that I know. It's hard for me in that regard, I'm more of an introvert than an outgoing person. Just will have to push myself to call them and get out and do something.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I hope you manage to keep your self busy I know how it can be because I am also shy in that way, its hard for me to meet new people. My husband didn't like that about and thought i was just being weird about it. Perhaps I was but he made it or his friends made sound that I was a b****. Call your buddies go to a movie have some fun because it gets really lonely when you are alone. For example I start to think about him and I feel guilty and I just can't handle it. Have a good one I hope enjoy!


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

Prelude...remember the guilt phase will pass..trust me..the only difference is people have different time lines in regards to how long it takes to get a grip on a certain emotional feeling.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

2Daughters said:


> Prelude...remember the guilt phase will pass..trust me..the only difference is people have different time lines in regards to how long it takes to get a grip on a certain emotional feeling.



I guess I have to stop being so harsh on myself. But I am working on that. I also notice that when I dont talk to him or hear from him I feel better, but when I do, I feel so low.


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i called my husband tonight too just so i can hear his voice,he said that he had to go that he wanted to get something to eat i told him that i just wanted a little adult conversation been with kids all day all he could say was that you want the kids so deal with it.all i did afterwards was cry and cry kids came over sat with me and hugged on me and gave me kisses that helped a bit but not much its just not the same.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Maybe you shouldn't call him, give him space, I know it hurts to be without him but you have to be strong. I I have tell that to myself each given day.


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