# Very sad



## ashamedhusband (Aug 10, 2011)

In a nut shell, I lit the fuse that hurt my marriage. I continued a friendship after i was married with a female friend. Nothing sexual ever happened in over 30 years with my friend but my wifes insecurity made it difficult for me. I sent flowers to my friend as an award for a new job. I was wrong because I didn't tell my wife and she found out. I simply wanted to make her first day happy. This was over 4 years ago. To this day my wife hasn't let it go. Because of the problems I ended my friendship because I love my wife so much. Most recently I screwed up by tell my wife my fantasies while in bed. At first she seemed willing but I pushed too much and she felt I emotionally hurt. I agree I went too far. She is also pissed I have treated her sister poorly over the past three years due to her affair. Two months ago I made up with her and apologized. Now all these issues are coming out. My wife is so upset with me and hasn't shown me the affection she used too for two months. She said what we has wasn't normal for a married couple of 11 years. I do have jealousy issues due to past relationship and probably taken it out on her. 

God's honest truth I always tell my wife where I am going and text or call her if I am going to be late if I need to stop someone. I always took it as a sign of affection if she text me during the day even when she is shopping letting me know what she is doing. Now she views this a me being controlling. She has completely shut me out. 

I don't believe she met someone simply because of who she was. She has always felt cheating on me would also be cheating on the kids. But I have emtionally hurt her sooooo much she said she need time to heal. 

I agree I needed to see a counselor so I have already attended my second session and admitted everything. My wife doesn't feel she needs to go simply because all our problems is because of my past behavior. Which is fine, I am taking accountability for my poor choices. 

I want this coldness from her to be over but I know it takes time. What can I do to develop patience until she comes around and trusts me that i will not act controlling or jealous. Also how long will I have to wait. She has already acknowledge I admit my faults and believes me when i said I wont do this again (fantasy, flowers and etc) because I know the consequences. 
How long before she starts coming around and acts affectionate again? I hurt so much inside and I always feel down. Although we still are in the same house she is very distant at times with me. I just miss my wife and the way she used to be.

What I am very ashamed and embarassed about is that I emtionally hurt the one I truly love. I just want to be happy again. I am very sad. But its my own stupity that put me here. Any suggestions.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Why have you started a duplicate of your thread *Pushed my wife to far*?


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