# My head says one thing and my heart another



## Clueless1 (Aug 5, 2012)

I have been with my husband for 7 years now and we have been married for almost two. Our relationship has had quite a few problems, but it seems to have gotten worst since we got married. He has been on and off medication for a social disorder since we have first been together, but as our relationship has got worse I have told him that being on medication is a necessity. Since last December when he was physically abusive we have been in counciling and he has been taking medication. Things were getting better,but when I got back from vacation i found that he is drinking excessively again and has been lying to me about taking his medication. He is bad tempered and anti- social now and three days ago he threatened to leave so I told him "fine leave". I am so confused, I miss him terribly and feel like getting a divorce is the wrong thing to do, but my mother has told me that he treats me horribly and that she is afraid that he will hurt me again or worse. I keep remember the good times we have had over the years and my heart aches at the thought of living without him, yet logically i feel that living with an agressive person who is moving out every six months or so is not healthy.I really would love to hear any advice or opinions.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

what do you miss about him? He doesn't sound like a person you should miss. Do you think maybe the whole idea of going through divorce and being alone scares you to the point you would rather stay in a bad relationship?


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## Clueless1 (Aug 5, 2012)

Well when things are good, they are really good. He makes me laugh, we have a great time playing video games ( it was our weekend mooring ritual), he is good at helping around the house and is supportive when I have exams. I'm just really unsure of what to do, I think maybe a fear of being alone is a part of it and I also find subconscious telling me that I'm not such a pink. To live with sometimes either. I just feel so distraught, I have no idea what I'm doing.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Clueless1 said:


> Well when things are good, they are really good. He makes me laugh, we have a great time playing video games ( it was our weekend mooring ritual), he is good at helping around the house and is supportive when I have exams. I'm just really unsure of what to do, I think maybe a fear of being alone is a part of it and I also find subconscious telling me that I'm not such a pink. To live with sometimes either. I just feel so distraught, I have no idea what I'm doing.


I think we all are not "such a pink" to live with at times. It's perfectly normal. Maybe some time apart is good? I know when you are with someone and things are not going good, you want them gone. And when they are gone, we tend to think about the good times etc and miss them. I would try to be patient and see what happens. Don't try to get him to come home. See if he comes back on his own.


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## Clueless1 (Aug 5, 2012)

Sorry for my typo's, I'm not used to typing on an iPad. I've thought about giving him time to come home, this is the fourth time he has done this since we got married and he didn't take his medication with him because he refuses to take it. I don't know exact ally what the doctor said he has but it is similar to schizophrenia. The last time he left it was for three week, before that two and so on. He even called our wedding off because of his paranoia and didn't speak to mt for three months. Every time he comes back things are great for about six months and then he regresses. I just don't know if I should wait for him to get himself sorted out or call it quits. I feel like if I divorce him I would be abandoning him, not to mention that I do love him dearly despite all his faults. I just don't know if being with him is hurting me emotionally in the long run.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Clueless1 said:


> Sorry for my typo's, I'm not used to typing on an iPad. I've thought about giving him time to come home, this is the fourth time he has done this since we got married and he didn't take his medication with him because he refuses to take it. I don't know exact ally what the doctor said he has but it is similar to schizophrenia. The last time he left it was for three week, before that two and so on. He even called our wedding off because of his paranoia and didn't speak to mt for three months. Every time he comes back things are great for about six months and then he regresses. I just don't know if I should wait for him to get himself sorted out or call it quits. I feel like if I divorce him I would be abandoning him, not to mention that I do love him dearly despite all his faults. I just don't know if being with him is hurting me emotionally in the long run.


yeah, the fact that he has done it before makes you think it will keep happening. Maybe if he does come back, don't welcome him with open arms. Tell him you will let him come back only under certain conditions. You are not abandoning him. I know how it feels when you feel like it's your duty to fix someone. If he refuses to do anything different, I think you know what will happen again eventually.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Clueless1 said:


> I have been with my husband for 7 years now and we have been married for almost two. Our relationship has had quite a few problems, but it seems to have gotten worst since we got married. He has been on and off medication for a social disorder since we have first been together, but as our relationship has got worse I have told him that being on medication is a necessity. Since last December when he was physically abusive we have been in counciling and he has been taking medication. Things were getting better,but when I got back from vacation i found that he is drinking excessively again and has been lying to me about taking his medication. He is bad tempered and anti- social now and three days ago he threatened to leave so I told him "fine leave". I am so confused, I miss him terribly and feel like getting a divorce is the wrong thing to do, but my mother has told me that he treats me horribly and that she is afraid that he will hurt me again or worse. I keep remember the good times we have had over the years and my heart aches at the thought of living without him, yet logically i feel that living with an agressive person who is moving out every six months or so is not healthy.I really would love to hear any advice or opinions.


If he's not serious about staying on the medication then it's time to say goodbye, in my book. A person shouldn't arbitrarily be deciding on their own to go off psych meds. It's dangerous not only to themselves but to those around them. Mixing Rx and alcohol is also a very bad idea, for both safety as well as health. Heck, I take a psych med for allergies and brain injury and trauma and it easier for me to be around myself. Listen to your heart.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Look at it this way. If he was epileptic and didn't take his meds (and there good reasons plenty of people who need to take their anticonvulsants don't) even though you both knew it could kill him or result in a car crash that kills you both or a stranger, what would you do?


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