# Coworker/Friend Doesn’t Like My Fiance



## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

Hi y’all,
I’m new here but I’m facing a bit of a personal life pickle.
Recently one of my coworkers/friends has told me she doesn’t like my fiancé and it’s been nagging at me. Has anyone faced a similar thing? How did you deal?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Most people don’t like certain people. When it comes to future life partners, even family will keep it to themselves. They can usually respect that you’re an adult with a free will.

When a coworker or friend is saying it? They have an agenda 😉

Maybe your coworker wants to be your fiancé.

There shouldn’t be a pickle here at all. If you’re pickling over what your coworker thinks over this major life situation, this is a worry. It sounds like the coworker’s feelings are more important than your future with your fiancé. Is this so?

We have a nutty female family member who doesn’t like anyone’s partners. She’s had something to say about everyone’s men and been very vocal about how terrible they are. Which doesn’t make sense because she eventually tries to hit on them 😂. We’re all just lucky that all the men in our family can smell the crazy and she’s old.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Unless the fiance has some way gotten verbally aggressive or some other thing with them. Like warning them or stepping out of line interfering with your job or even coming on to them. Then they might feel obligated to let you know but they should get more specific.


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Unless the fiance has some way gotten verbally aggressive or some other thing with them. Like warning them or stepping out of line interfering with your job or even coming on to them. Then they might feel obligated to let you know but they should get more specific.


It’s nothing like that. Her reasoning was super vague and the whole thing felt weird. I’m also convinced she kind of just hates men which could be part of it.


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

Luckylucky said:


> Most people don’t like certain people. When it comes to future life partners, even family will keep it to themselves. They can usually respect that you’re an adult with a free will.
> 
> When a coworker or friend is saying it? They have an agenda 😉
> 
> ...


It’s nagging me because like I don’t know how to deal with her. No weird second thoughts about our upcoming marriage or anything. Just not sure what to do about her


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why does it bother you what she thinks? You are engaged so presumably know him well.
Why do you have to do anything about her?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

MacEDupras said:


> It’s nagging me because like I don’t know how to deal with her. No weird second thoughts about our upcoming marriage or anything. Just not sure what to do about her


Who is the ‘her’ in your story? The coworker?

It’s an odd question and maybe we need more information about how much of a role she plays in your life.

If it’s affecting your work rather than your personal life, then it’s a work issue. Go see a manager, or HR dept.


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> Why does it bother you what she thinks? You are engaged so presumably know him well.
> Why do you have to do anything about her?


It’s more nagging me because I have to work with her every day and I’ve never had a friend not like my partner before. It’s just making me anxious and I thought I’d ask for advice on how to handle the situation.


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

Luckylucky said:


> Who is the ‘her’ in your story? The coworker?
> 
> It’s an odd question and maybe we need more information about how much of a role she plays in your life.
> 
> If it’s affecting your work rather than your personal life, then it’s a work issue. Go see a manager, or HR dept.


Yes, her is the coworker.
The basic story is that she piggy backed on something I was telling her to say that she doesn’t like him and that she thinks I deserve better. Which I don’t agree with for a multitude of reasons. It’ boggles my mind because up until this moment we both thought she and my fiancé were friends. When I’ve spoken to close friends and family about it, a lot of the consensus has been that she’s either jealous thag she (who is almost 10 years old than me) doesn’t have a partner and that she’s projecting her past failed relationships on me. I’ve never had a friend dislike my partner before and I don’t know how to navigate interacting with her.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’m going with she’s jealous.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MacEDupras said:


> It’s nothing like that. Her reasoning was super vague and the whole thing felt weird. I’m also convinced she kind of just hates men which could be part of it.


The only other thing I can think of is if your fiance contacts you too many times during the work day because people sometimes really resent that especially the supervisors. But it's very unusual for someone to just tell you they don't like your fiance!

You said her reasoning was vague, so it might help if you told us what kind of reason she gave you. Even if what she said made no sense.


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

DownByTheRiver said:


> The only other thing I can think of is if your fiance contacts you too many times during the work day because people sometimes really resent that especially the supervisors. But it's very unusual for someone to just tell you they don't like your fiance!
> 
> You said her reasoning was vague, so it might help if you told us what kind of reason she gave you. Even if what she said made no sense.


 She told me that she doesn’t like him/thinks I deserve better and he makes her uncomfortable - she didn’t tell me in why, and the only thing I can think of is that he comes off as dry/sarcastic sometimes.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Just say that you are sorry she doesn't like your fiance and it's best you don't talk about him anymore.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I really hope that you don’t let this colleague poison your mind against your fiancé. If she’s making regular disparaging remarks eventually you may start to believe her. I’m speaking from experience here.
You need to tell her to keep her comments to herself. I would also suggest you stop having any conversation with her except about work topics.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MacEDupras said:


> She told me that she doesn’t like him/thinks I deserve better and he makes her uncomfortable - she didn’t tell me in why, and the only thing I can think of is that he comes off as dry/sarcastic sometimes.


Oh, well, sarcasm doesn't play well with some people. It depends if it's witty or if it's just kind of insulting I guess. I hope he's not one of those guys who says things and then says he's only joking when people don't take it right. Probably just a personality conflict. As long as you think he's witty and funny and you won't get tired of it, that's what matters.. she certainly does seem outspoken though.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Her opinion means nothing. It's yours that matters.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

MacEDupras said:


> She told me that she doesn’t like him/thinks I deserve better and he makes her uncomfortable


I'd suggest you ask her to tell you explicitly what it is about your fiance that makes her uncomfortable. Frankly, it sounds like she's crossing the line here. Unless you asked for her opinion, she has no business giving it. 

I could tell you what I would do, but I'm not you. I could be wrong, but it sounds like you aren't particularly assertive. Me? I'd tell her to mind her own business. But that's me.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When I came on tam years ago I was having exactly this problem. Some of my fiancée’s friends//employees were trying to poison her against me and trying to create problems in our relationship. And they succeeded. 
It’s a long story but I called the wedding off after one too many issues. We got back together and are married now. 
She explained to me that she was with these people all day, they were making constant little disparaging remarks about me and eventually she started listening. 
This is death by a thousand cuts and this “friend” needs to be told to **** off and keep her nose out of what doesn’t concern her.
She sounds like a bitter, jealous old ***** and she needs to start collecting cats.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

To me its very clear that she fancies you and doesn't like him since he is competition. There may be more to your she hates men theory. Is she a lesbian?


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I think it's time to put some distance between you and the coworker.

I've always kept my personal life private. I absolutely hate work gossip and drama. 

I don't understand your anxiety over this. Why do you care so much about what she has to say about your boyfriend? You are the one dating him, not her. Are you planning on breaking up with him because of what she said? Is she the boss of you?


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

MacEDupras said:


> Hi y’all,
> I’m new here but I’m facing a bit of a personal life pickle.
> Recently one of my coworkers/friends has told me she doesn’t like my fiancé and it’s been nagging at me. Has anyone faced a similar thing? How did you deal?


Why doesn't she like her?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MacEDupras said:


> It’s more nagging me because I have to work with her every day and I’ve never had a friend not like my partner before. It’s just making me anxious and I thought I’d ask for advice on how to handle the situation.


I'd be taking her opinion a lot more seriously if she was an old good friend who knew you inside out for years.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MacEDupras said:


> She told me that she doesn’t like him/thinks I deserve better and he makes her uncomfortable - she didn’t tell me in why, and the only thing I can think of is that he comes off as dry/sarcastic sometimes.


Mrs. Conan's family and friends (most of them) couldn't stand me and spoke bad about me every chance they got even a few years into our marriage.

I have hard boundaries and they couldn't handle not being able to interfere with her life inappropriately and, while I'm not evil, I also never put up with bull **** and I didn't care if anyone thought bad of me for it.

If there isn't anything specific your friend can bring out as a reasonable fact why she doesn't want you to be with him, she needs to shut the hell up. In some circles, there are older women that absolutely try and sabotage younger women's relationships.

I don't know if that's happening here but it is a real thing.

P.S. Mrs. C and I have been together over 30 years and over 26 married and still going strong which can't be said of the extreme majority of her friends and family who criticized me.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

pastasauce79 said:


> I think it's time to put some distance between you and the coworker.
> 
> I've always kept my personal life private. I absolutely hate work gossip and drama.
> 
> I don't understand your anxiety over this. Why do you care so much about what she has to say about your boyfriend? You are the one dating him, not her. Are you planning on breaking up with him because of what she said? Is she the boss of you?





ConanHub said:


> Mrs. Conan's family and friends (most of them) couldn't stand me and spoke bad about me every chance they got even a few years into our marriage.
> 
> I have hard boundaries and they couldn't handle not being able to interfere with her life inappropriately and, while I'm not evil, I also never put up with bull **** and I didn't care if anyone thought bad of me for it.
> 
> ...


I am not a vindictive person but during the time my then fiancée and I had split up she ended up having financial problems with the health studio she owned and was on the verge of bankruptcy. I bought her business and the day I took over we had a staff meeting. I told everyone that things would stay as normal and everyone’s job was safe.
Then I fired three of the biggest **** stirrers.
It felt so great lol.
By the way @ConanHub I still remember that some of your wife’s church friends tried to convince her that she shouldn’t have sex with you. You acted like a man in that situation and I have never forgotten it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I am not a vindictive person but during the time my then fiancée and I had split up she ended up having financial problems with the health studio she owned and was on the verge of bankruptcy. I bought her business and the day I took over we had a staff meeting. I told everyone that things would stay as normal and everyone’s job was safe.
> Then I fired three of the biggest **** stirrers.
> It felt so great lol.
> By the way @ConanHub I still remember that some of your wife’s church friends tried to convince her that she shouldn’t have sex with you. You acted like a man in that situation and I have never forgotten it.


That was a weird one and her only bump as far as our sex life went. I had my own much later but we worked through that one as well.😉

P.S. After my come to Jesus talk with her, Mrs. Conan handled it like a real woman and never looked back.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MacEDupras said:


> It’s nagging me because like I don’t know how to deal with her. No weird second thoughts about our upcoming marriage or anything. Just not sure what to do about her


I would ask this co-worker EXACTLY what are her issues? Is she if vague, then I wouldn't worry too much about it.
You should say that if you have no specific reasons, then you don't need to hear her complain about it any more.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

If your co worker is female and your fiancé who is a male, she may be jealous. She may try to destroy your relationship and make a move on him. I've seen this happen so many times. If she is trying to poison your mind against him, tell her nothing, keep your distance and have nothing to do with her. Unless your fiancé is an arse and treats you badly, and she is trying to help you see you deserve better. Don't trust this person unless the latter reason.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MacEDupras said:


> Hi y’all,
> I’m new here but I’m facing a bit of a personal life pickle.
> Recently one of my coworkers/friends has told me she doesn’t like my fiancé and it’s been nagging at me. Has anyone faced a similar thing? How did you deal?


It's a work relationship, this is inappropriate tell her you know her opinion and not to bring it up again and if she does tell your boss or HR.

I mean what ever happened to "F*** off".

You can say that is a nicer way. "I don't care." 

or just -

Coworker: "I don't like your Fiance."

You: "So."

Next subject.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lol since when does a co-worker have so much power?


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice.
this is bothering me because I am such a people pleaser and I’ve never before encountered a situation where someone hasn’t liked a partner (or at least openly told me). I put so much pressure on myself to find a solution but I’m starting to see that this isn’t on me to fix.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

How steadfast are you? What do the people who you're close to think of this guy? Don't you trust your own judgment?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

MacEDupras said:


> It’s nagging me because like I don’t know how to deal with her. No weird second thoughts about our upcoming marriage or anything. Just not sure what to do about her


Simple. This is a topic you never discuss with coworker. What agency does he/she have over your romantic life? Absolutely none. Non sequitur.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

MacEDupras said:


> Thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice.
> this is bothering me because I am such a people pleaser and I’ve never before encountered a situation where someone hasn’t liked a partner (or at least openly told me). I put so much pressure on myself to find a solution but I’m starting to see that this isn’t on me to fix.


The only person you should please and respect is yourself. 

Think about this, do you like everybody you know? It's ok not to like others. It's ok if others don't like you. Stop pleasing people who really don't care about you. It's not worth it.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Your co-workers' opinion about your personal life is irrelevant. Since she doesn't like him, don't talk about him to her at work & don't invite her to the wedding. 

The more troubling aspect of this is why her opinion has you so anxious. You need to learn to trust yourself. The fact that you can't or won't makes me wonder if you are mature enough for marriage. If you are so easily swayed perhaps you need to work on yourself before you head down the aisle.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

I think I'd tell my coworker that it's a good thing she isn't marrying him and I would ask her to wish you well and be positive going forward


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

joannacroc said:


> How steadfast are you? What do the people who you're close to think of this guy? Don't you trust your own judgment?


This whole issue has had nothing to do with how I feel about him. I adore him and I know he’s the right person for me. Even our close friends and my step mom think what she said was a piece of crap. 
The anxiety and upset comes from, as previously mentioned, I have never been in this position before and have no idea how to navigate it.


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

D0nnivain said:


> Your co-workers' opinion about your personal life is irrelevant. Since she doesn't like him, don't talk about him to her at work & don't invite her to the wedding.
> 
> The more troubling aspect of this is why her opinion has you so anxious. You need to learn to trust yourself. The fact that you can't or won't makes me wonder if you are mature enough for marriage. If you are so easily swayed perhaps you need to work on yourself before you head down the aisle.


I have really bad anxiety and am a huge peope pleaser. I am working on it - and my fiancé has been super supportive of my journey with it - but this is like niggling me because I thought she and I had been friends and internally it’s a hot hurt mess.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MacEDupras said:


> I have really bad anxiety and am a huge peope pleaser. I am working on it - and my fiancé has been super supportive of my journey with it - but this is like niggling me because I thought she and I had been friends and internally it’s a hot hurt mess.


Ok. You need to develop healthy boundaries with people for sure. Are you currently getting professional help for your anxiety?

Are you on any medications?

I don't promote medications unless the situation is dire but it might be helpful to know more about what you're dealing with.

Regardless, you have to learn how to defend your marriage because your "friend" isn't the only attack you will encounter and you need to develop tools to defend against enemies of your marriage.

A good rule of thumb for your marriage is that your friends should be friends of your marriage and helping you and your husband instead of trying to break you down.


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## RosesNWriters (Jan 2, 2022)

ConanHub said:


> Ok. You need to develop healthy boundaries with people for sure. Are you currently getting professional help for your anxiety?
> 
> Are you on any medications?
> 
> ...


I am currently looking for a mental health professional, as I hadn’t seen anyone during the pandemic for a few reasons.
Generally, and all but said coworker, our friends are shared and super supportive. Said coworker was also in that category until recent events.
I’m sure some couples have friends that are only friends of one partner and not both but that’s not how our relationship has been if that makes sense - which also plays a role in the anxiety cycle of why this is bugging me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MacEDupras said:


> I am currently looking for a mental health professional, as I hadn’t seen anyone during the pandemic for a few reasons.
> Generally, and all but said coworker, our friends are shared and super supportive. Said coworker was also in that category until recent events.
> I’m sure some couples have friends that are only friends of one partner and not both but that’s not how our relationship has been if that makes sense - which also plays a role in the anxiety cycle of why this is bugging me.


Just this barbarian's view (,but I have been married once and for life) I don't allow anyone in my life that hates my wife. There are lonely unmarked places in the wilderness for anyone that wishes my wife ill and she would rip the beating heart from a Ridley Scott monster if it threatened me.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

MacEDupras said:


> The anxiety and upset comes from, as previously mentioned, I have never been in this position before and have no idea how to navigate it.


You need what is called *assertiveness skills*. This means blocking your co-worker's manipulativeness without being rude or unpleasant.

For example, there is the "broken record" technique. You decide on a phrase you are going to use, and whatever she says, you use the same words over and over. Like a scratched (vinyl) record.

For example. Her: _"I don't really like him"_.
You: _"Oh, well thank you for speaking so frankly"_.
Her: "_I think you deserve better"_
You:_ "well, thank you for speaking so frankly"_
Her_: "He's a bit strange"_
You:_ "thanks, that's very frank of you to say that"_
and repeat as long as necessary.

There are other techniques.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Laurentium said:


> You need what is called *assertiveness skills*. This means blocking your co-worker's manipulativeness without being rude or unpleasant.
> 
> For example, there is the "broken record" technique. You decide on a phrase you are going to use, and whatever she says, you use the same words over and over. Like a scratched (vinyl) record.
> 
> ...


I like this. We don't know what her source is though, the origin of her anxiety for sure but this made me smile.🙂


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> I like this. We don't know what her source is though, the origin of her anxiety for sure but this made me smile.🙂


You just let the person know they are not getting to you, by your calm response.


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