# Neighbor "situation".....



## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

So first let me explain who this neighbor is then explain what is going on that has me a little uncomfortable with him.

We live in a nice tight fit community in the suburbs where most people on our block know each other and interract with one another. And on this block there is an older man we'll call "Bob" who is 68 yrs old, is retired, is a widower as of 2 years ago, is generally a nice man that everyone likes, and is also a handyman type who has helped a lot of us with different things over the years.

Now "Bob" is a man who also enjoys his scotch from time to time, and when he's had a few and is out and about in the neighborhood he tends to get a little flirty with the women, and tries to get loooong hugs from them and makes flirtacious comments towards our wives right in front of me and other guys in the neighborhood. Well most people think it's just "cute" or funny and is just Bob being Bob, but after about 10 times that he has done this towards my wife I'm getting a little sick of it and I'm losing my fondness towards him. He is a very nice man in general and my wife is a really nice person who thinks it's all very innocent, so she has told me to get over it and that I had better NEVER say anything to Bob about it. Not to mention that he is extremely popular throughout our neighborhood so I would have to tread very lightly, so as not to get everyone I live around mad at me for picking on good ol Bob.

So with all of that said I am kind of stuck on what to do or say; but one thing I have said to my wife is that she is NEVER to be alone with that man either in our house or over at his house(especially when he's been having a few scotches), because like I said it's a pretty tight neighborhood where we all visit each other from time to time.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Give me an example (or several if possible) of his flirts

There are fun-flirts and there are dangerous flirts


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## jeljk (Jun 7, 2013)

How does your wife feel about the situation? Does he make her uncomfortable as well? If he's as "hands on" as you describe, I'm surprised more women (and men) in the neighborhood aren't uncomfortable with it.

I'd suggest having a candid conversation with your wife about this. If she's not as uncomfortable with this as you are then you should tell her why you are. If she is uncomfortable, then lines are definitely being crossed that need to be addressed. No man has the right to make a woman feel uncomfortable with his advances. That would be unacceptable and needs to be directly addressed with "bob".


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Wing Man said:


> so she has told me to get over it and that I had better NEVER say anything to Bob about it



Yeah, that probably wouldn't go over well with me. Next time Bob says Mrs. Wing man has a nice Tush. I'd probably say something along the lines of "God Damn right Bob. I can sit my PBR on it as I'm taking a ride to pound town". Can't beat'em, Join'em. :smthumbup:


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

He sounds to me like a typical "dirty old man." Ewww! I've known too many men like this and in my opinion, they know exactly what they're doing. I can guarantee he isn't doing this because it's a friendly thing to do... otherwise, he'd hug you, too. 

I think if you're uncomfortable, your wife needs to recognize it and make YOUR feelings a priority... not Bob's. She can say, "Bob, I really like you, but I've got to tell you that I'm really uncomfortable hugging. Can we shake hands instead?"


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My ex father in law was like that. He was a total creep when he'd been drinking. He came on to my mom right in from of my mother in law once. It made me sick.

However, I know another guy who is in his 60's who is a complete and total flirt, but NOT in a dirty way. And he's just like it all the time - he doesn't have to be drinking. He always hugs me when we get together, whether hubby is there or not, and makes comments like "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?" The way HE does it, it's a compliment. And he does it with every female.

My feeling is that, if you are uncomfortable with it, there's a reason you are. Your wife shouldn't just be saying 'get over it'.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Wing Man said:


> my wife is a really nice person who thinks it's all very innocent, so she has told me to get over it and that I had better NEVER say anything to Bob about it.


Bob is a problem, but so is the wife. 

"Innocent" or not is irrelevant. If the husband is upset then the wife acts in the interest of the husband.

The counterplay is, of course, to take the cute little teens for long rides in your truck on the week-ends. Kiss them goodbye while fondling their rear ends and then scoff at the wife when she complains.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My husband would come and corral me into the house if Bob showed up on the street, with no apologies to Bob or other neighbors.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> my wife is a really nice person who thinks it's all very innocent, so she has told me to get over it


This is your issue right here, not Bob.

She doesn't see anything wrong with his acting out. Ask her to humor you and come into the house when he trolls about. If she can't do that for you, I don't know what to tell you.

And FWIW, this stuff creeps me out. I would scurry off into the house if he was coming near me. YUCK


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Ah yes. *The old man long hug side boob grab problem*. My wife complains about this and we actually had a old neigbor that would literally run to my wife and try to give her a hug and cop a feel around her back and up to her side boob. It use to piss me off but in the end it was up to her to not allow the hug which is what your wife will need to do. Next time he wants to hug her she should just hold out her hand instead. He'll eventually get that the hug is not welcome. I don't mind old farts flirting because it's not a threat.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Next time he hugs your wife, do a group hug from behind


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Tell Bob to cut the zhit and your wife to read about boundaries. 

NO ONE should tell you you cant defend your marriage including your wife.

Take the lead on the issue instead of following the other pathetic sheep that dont have the balls to cut this idiot a new azzhole


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Bob is a problem, but so is the wife.
> 
> "Innocent" or not is irrelevant. If the husband is upset then the wife acts in the interest of the husband..


I agree...the wife needs to take the husbands side. Who's feelings are more important, husband's or Bob's? 

I would tell her that the next time he does it, it will be the last time, and you are preparing her in advance that if/when he does it again, you will make a scene and call him out on it. 

If one of your neighbors tells you to calm down, tell him to let Bob press up on his wife. "Go ahead Bob, go squeeze John's wife, he doesn't mind...but I do. You've eased up on my old lady one too many times, and I don't like it. Don't make me tell you again, Bob....I'm not fawkin' around here."


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> I don't mind old farts flirting because it's not a threat.


This line nailed it. So, it all boils down to WHY it really bothers you. It's not like your wife is going to leave you running into the old man's bed, is it? 

So, let's analyze further. "It bothers me because Bob knows she's married but still asks for the goddam hugs! It bothers me because for a few seconds he can hold that body that is MINE, and I feel like I can do nothing about it!" - a POWERLESSNESS feeling.

"It bothers me because she browses off my complaints and takes them very lightly. Like, what I feel doesn't matter to her. I want her to show me that I matter to her. My feelings are important, goddammit!" - when we think like this, we usually struggle with UNWORTHINESS issues. It's not that we are unworthy, it's that we have some limited beliefs and the way we look at ourselves is not the best one.

"If she really loved me, she would listen to my concerns, and just don't give the old fart a hug!" Since I very much encourage the idea that your wife tells your neighbor that she sees all that hugging inappropriate, and they should shake hands instead - example - she has no clue that you link this little thing to her love and/or appreciation for you. For her, it's just a friendly gesture toward a funny, old man. To you, it means that she doesn't love/respect you enough. Sit her down and calmly explain your feelings. I'm sure she has no idea you feel this way and WHY you do.

It's not actually about the old man drooling about your wife when he's drunk. It all boils down to your insecurities. I could go way further, but your own best psychologist is you.  Do a dialogue with yourself and find out what issue is triggered here.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Hortensia said:


> This line nailed it. So, it all boils down to WHY it really bothers you. It's not like your wife is going to leave you running into the old man's bed, is it?
> 
> So, let's analyze further. "It bothers me because Bob knows she's married but still asks for the goddam hugs! It bothers me because for a few seconds he can hold that body that is MINE, and I feel like I can do nothing about it!" - a POWERLESSNESS feeling.
> 
> ...


Maybe add, "It bothers me because my wife shows me disregard and ignores how I feel."


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Hortensia said: "It's not actually about the old man drooling about your wife when he's drunk. It all boils down to your insecurities. I could go way further, but your own best psychologist is you. Do a dialogue with yourself and find out what issue is triggered here."



Wow. I'm sorry, but my husband is not "insecure" just because he wouldn't want an old man copping a feel on me.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Hortensia said:


> Sit her down and calmly explain your feelings. I'm sure she has no idea you feel this way and WHY you do.


He already did tell her. 

It would be impossible to have read the OP without knowing that because she told the husband to "get over it" and never say anything to "Bob" about it.

Defending drunken behavior and calling those offended by it insecure is something I take issue with.

There seems to be a theme of dismissing it simply because he is an old man instead of some young buff too, and I see no difference. Drunks are equally offensive at any age.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Hortensia said:


> This line nailed it. So, it all boils down to WHY it really bothers you. It's not like your wife is going to leave you running into the old man's bed, is it?
> 
> So, let's analyze further. "It bothers me because Bob knows she's married but still asks for the goddam hugs! It bothers me because for a few seconds he can hold that body that is MINE, and I feel like I can do nothing about it!" - a POWERLESSNESS feeling.
> 
> ...


Don't you just hate all these insecure men running around with their fragile egos. Because we all know that he isn't upset because this man is disrespecting his wife in his face. You tell'em again girlfriend.


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## JuanSizemore (Jun 6, 2013)

So far all but two comments nailed it. talk to your wife and let her know how it makes you feel. If she she doesn't get it than she's the problem. I'm sure if the roles were reversed and you were the neighborhood "HANDYMAN" and had a sub-division of women hounding you to fix there garbage disposal it would surly be an issue. hugging him from behind and dry humping your wife in front of him will only show him that you do not respect your marriage and may even be Bi-sexual. if your wife isn't willing to stand by your side and turn down one of those "HUGS" than she is actually getting some kind of rise out of making you feel uncomfortable. but iif she loves you enough to actually do so make it a point to look "BOB" up and down as you stroll away with your WIFE!


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

I don't know. If a 68 year old neighborhood sweet old Southern Belle occasionally got tossed and gave my hubby a pervy hug and flirted...I would think it was absolutely hilarious. I really would. I would laugh to no end lol It's not a threat. 

I'd be angry, as a guy, if my wife were being truly molested or made to feel uncomfortable. 

I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. Big time.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It's a shame your wife doesn't understand her social obligations to Bob as a neighbor to enforce some boundaries when he's been drinking, if when drinking is the only time he does this. If he's otherwise a nice guy and these problems only arose with drinking and behaving this way after his wife died, then he may feel regret and embarrassment at not having more control over his actions when drinking. Things may become awkward over time...his drinking may increase. It sounds as though he is lonely, and drinking to fill the gap, if it wasn't an issue prior with regard to neighbors. The boundaries should definitely be set, this is a case when you have to be your brother's keeper. Does Bob have much of a social life or an opportunity to meet single women his age with similar interests? That should happen, and if he isn't doing it for himself, maybe he needs help with it. Your wife is giving him a path of least resistance, that will lead to nothing good or permanent for him in his life, except frustration. What she is allowing is ultimately cruel to Bob, and in no way tolerant or harmless.


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> It's a shame your wife doesn't understand her social obligations to Bob as a neighbor to enforce some boundaries when he's been drinking, if when drinking is the only time he does this. If he's otherwise a nice guy and these problems only arose with drinking and behaving this way after his wife died, then he may feel regret and embarrassment at not having more control over his actions when drinking. Things may become awkward over time...his drinking may increase. It sounds as though he is lonely, and drinking to fill the gap, if it wasn't an issue prior with regard to neighbors. The boundaries should definitely be set, this is a case when you have to be your brother's keeper. Does Bob have much of a social life or an opportunity to meet single women his age with similar interests? That should happen, and if he isn't doing it for himself, maybe he needs help with it. Your wife is giving him a path of least resistance, that will lead to nothing good or permanent for him in his life, except frustration. What she is allowing is ultimately cruel to Bob, and in no way tolerant or harmless.


We've known him for about 6 years and he's always enjoyed a little scotch here and there, so he's always drank but maybe it's increased more since his wife died two years ago. And he hasn't always been like this especially when his wife was alive, but like I said he is very well liked around the neighborhood and has always extended a helping hand when any of us has needed it. But the flirting no matter who is doing it is very disrespectful in my opinion but my wife thinks I am overreacting, and says that she kind of feels sorry for him like a lot of our neighbors do and is not threatened by any of it. I am merely just trying to nip something in the bud before it carries on to the point where I will HAVE to be rude and nasty to him.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Say hey Bob go get your own woman she's mine. If that doesn't work like another post suggested, next time when he goes in for the geriatric hump get behind him and join in. I am sure he will figure it out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Maybe you can get your wife to feel sorry for you too? Then you can go out and flirt with other women. She thinks it's okay for Bob to flirt with her, then it's okay for you to flirt with other women.

Take advantage of this since flirting successfully is a skill. I know practice is needed to keep the skill honed.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

richie33 said:


> Say hey Bob go get your own woman she's mine. If that doesn't work like another post suggested, next time when he goes in for the geriatric hump get behind him and join in. I am sure he will figure it out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And when you do that, reach down and give him that extra squeeze below.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Exactly. Bob will avoid your wife like the plague.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Well if your wife won't tell him to stop she is leaving you no option but to do it yourself. You don't have to be rude, just tell him his flirtation makes you uncomfortable and you want it to stop.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Hortensia said: "It's not actually about the old man drooling about your wife when he's drunk. It all boils down to your insecurities. I could go way further, but your own best psychologist is you. Do a dialogue with yourself and find out what issue is triggered here."
> 
> Wow. I'm sorry, but my husband is not "insecure" just because he wouldn't want an old man copping a feel on me.


Exactly right. My wife shared something that bothered her with me. Thanks to The Wisdom of TAM™ I took her views on board. I told her I trust her judgement, even if I didn't see the situation as anything but innocent.

Insecurity doesn't come into it. Mrs.Wing Man is showing a lack of respect to her husband and his wishes.

Either:
1. Wing Man handles the situation and the problem is handled permanently
2. Mrs. Wing Man handles the situation and everybody remains good neighbours.

I expect Wing Man prefers option 2.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

aug said:


> And when you do that, *reach down and give him that extra squeeze below*.


:lol::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: I can´t begin to thank you for this post

I´m still laughing  God i really needed it.
Wingman take this suggestion seriously


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

richie33 said:


> Say hey Bob go get your own woman she's mine. If that doesn't work like another post suggested, next time when he goes in for the geriatric hump get behind him and join in. I am sure he will figure it out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's a saying that goes "never sh*t where you eat" which kind of implies here, and maybe if I was some college kid who didn't really give a damn about anything I would handle things that way - but I'm not.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

jeljk said:


> How does your wife feel about the situation? Does he make her uncomfortable as well? If he's as "hands on" as you describe, I'm surprised more women (and men) in the neighborhood aren't uncomfortable with it.
> 
> I'd suggest having a candid conversation with your wife about this. If she's not as uncomfortable with this as you are then you should tell her why you are. If she is uncomfortable, then lines are definitely being crossed that need to be addressed. No man has the right to make a woman feel uncomfortable with his advances. That would be unacceptable and needs to be directly addressed with "bob".


:iagree: 100%

Your wife should not be accepting sexual hugs from any man for any reason. She needs to push him away.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

SouthernMiss said:


> I don't know. If a 68 year old neighborhood sweet old Southern Belle occasionally got tossed and gave my hubby a pervy hug and flirted...I would think it was absolutely hilarious. I really would. I would laugh to no end lol It's not a threat.
> 
> I'd be angry, as a guy, if my wife were being truly molested or made to feel uncomfortable.
> 
> I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. Big time.


I disagree. I think there is a tendency to give old men a pass on their inappropriate behavior. If a 30 year old neighbor kept getting drunk and looking for excuses to fondle the pretty young wife, would that be OK. Old men are still men. They are not "cute" because they are old. This guy probably goes home and masturbates about the pretty wives in the neighborhood.

Who cares if he's a popular character in the neighborhood? Tell him to stop drunkenly groping your wife, end of story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should have a man to man moment with bob.

In as few words as possible say, Bob I like my wife a lot, and you know what bob, I don't like sharing my stuff. Not even a little. So I know you like to hug and get all cozy when you have a few, and maybe other guys wouldn't care like I do, but I do. So it stops, ok? That's a boundary that ain't gonna be crossed any more. Do we understand one another?


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

4thand11 said:


> I disagree. I think there is a tendency to give old men a pass on their inappropriate behavior. If a 30 year old neighbor kept getting drunk and looking for excuses to fondle the pretty young wife, would that be OK. Old men are still men. They are not "cute" because they are old. This guy probably goes home and masturbates about the pretty wives in the neighborhood.
> 
> Who cares if he's a popular character in the neighborhood? Tell him to stop drunkenly groping your wife, end of story.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's been no "groping" of any kind, he just gives some of the ladies around the neighborhood loooong hugs sometimes and says things that are on the flirty side. Now I have given him a dirty look or two, and that's where it starts with me where I give the look - if that don't work then the "talk" - and if that still doesn't get through then it's a punch being thrown. But he's a guy with an artificial hip, who's had 2 or 3 back surgeries, and is 20 years older than me, so I would probably look like a jerk to most people if it came down to that.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Wing Man said:


> There's been no "groping" of any kind, he just gives some of the ladies around the neighborhood loooong hugs sometimes and says things that are on the flirty side. Now I have given him a dirty look or two, and that's where it starts with me where I give the look - if that don't work then the "talk" - and if that still doesn't get through then it's a punch being thrown. But he's a guy with an artificial hip, who's had 2 or 3 back surgeries, and is 20 years older than me, so I would probably look like a jerk to most people if it came down to that.


You are right no punching but a very cold calm short message. do not forget this one is on your wife also, just sayin.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

Wing Man said:


> There's been no "groping" of any kind, he just gives some of the ladies around the neighborhood loooong hugs sometimes and says things that are on the flirty side.


Right however it is really just different degree of inappropriate contact.

My point is that you would not put up with it if he was 30 years old... a lot of women think old men are cute and harmless and not necessarily the case. 

Being drunk lowers inhibitions. I think he gets off on these long hugs and its way over the line.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Wing Man said:


> There's a saying that goes "never sh*t where you eat" which kind of implies here, and maybe if I was some college kid who didn't really give a damn about anything I would handle things that way - but I'm not.


Heh heh, he said handle, heh.



Wing Man said:


> Well most people think it's just "cute" or funny and is just Bob being Bob, but after about 10 times that he has done this towards my wife I'm getting a little sick of it and I'm losing my fondness towards him.


This is from your first post. I wonder if all the other men in the neighborhood really have no problem with him long hugging their wives or if there is a little peer pressure from no one wanting to be the only guy that can't handle it. I suspect if you put a stop to it with your wife that soon other wives are going to become off limits.


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

Nucking Futs said:


> Heh heh, he said handle, heh.
> 
> 
> 
> This is from your first post. I wonder if all the other men in the neighborhood really have no problem with him long hugging their wives or if there is a little peer pressure from no one wanting to be the only guy that can't handle it. I suspect if you put a stop to it with your wife that soon other wives are going to become off limits.


Again most of the other husbands and wives just shrug it off as a harmless old man with a bad hip who's had a little too much to drink maybe, and because he's not like that when he is sober and is a pretty stand up guy the majority of the time.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Wing Man said:


> There's been no "groping" of any kind, he just gives some of the ladies around the neighborhood loooong hugs sometimes and says things that are on the flirty side. Now I have given him a dirty look or two, and that's where it starts with me where I give the look - if that don't work then the "talk" - and if that still doesn't get through then it's a punch being thrown. But he's a guy with an artificial hip, who's had 2 or 3 back surgeries, and is 20 years older than me, *so I would probably look like a jerk to most people if it came down to that.*


No husband or a Wife should ,never ever apologize for

standing up and protecting his/her marriage..

And YES make no mistake the old man know´s damn well what he is doing..And the other husband´s are bothered by it to...

Personally i would not have cared. What other´s would have said.PUT you´re foot down NOW..The old dude is getting off on this..


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Wing Man said:


> Again most of the other husbands and wives just shrug it off as a harmless old man with a bad hip who's had a little too much to drink maybe, and because he's not like that when he is sober and is a pretty stand up guy the majority of the time.


To this I say so what? Is what they think matter more to you than how you feel about his behavior?

You know, having an opposite opinion than everyone else doesn't make you a jerk. You don't find it cute, and nobody says you have to. This is your wife, and his actions come off as disrespectful to you AND her no matter how old he is.


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> To this I say so what? Is what they think matter more to you than how you feel about his behavior?
> 
> You know, having an opposite opinion than everyone else doesn't make you a jerk. You don't find it cute, and nobody says you have to. This is your wife, and his actions come off as disrespectful to you AND her no matter how old he is.


Again be careful "sh*tting where you eat"; it's a delicate situation because of the fact he is a nice man the other 99% of the time and is well liked throughout the neighborhood, and so for now I am going to just continue monitoring the situation and seeing how much rope he is gonna hang himself with. As for my wife she is not flirting back nor leading him on in any way shape or form, and if she had said it's all making her uncomfortable I would've had a stern talk with Bob that very minute. But her take on it now is that Bob is just being silly and to "leave that man alone".


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Wing Man said:


> Again be careful "sh*tting where you eat"; it's a delicate situation because of the fact he is a nice man the other 99% of the time and is well liked throughout the neighborhood, and so for now I am going to just continue monitoring the situation and seeing how much rope he is gonna hang himself with. As for my wife she is not flirting back nor leading him on in any way shape or form, and if she had said it's all making her uncomfortable I would've had a stern talk with Bob that very minute. But her take on it now is that Bob is just being silly and to "leave that man alone".


If this is the case, why not go along with it like everyone else?

I guess I'm thinking this is less of a problem to you then you originally posted.

Based on your last response, I think you should have kept your mouth shut about it to your wife. You aren't coming off as someone who feels their thoughts on the situation needs validating. I disagree with that train of thought, but you handle it how you see fit.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

Wing Man said:


> Again be careful "sh*tting where you eat"; it's a delicate situation because of the fact he is a nice man the other 99% of the time and is well liked throughout the neighborhood, and so for now I am going to just continue monitoring the situation and seeing how much rope he is gonna hang himself with. As for my wife she is not flirting back nor leading him on in any way shape or form, and if she had said it's all making her uncomfortable I would've had a stern talk with Bob that very minute. But her take on it now is that Bob is just being silly and to "leave that man alone".


Well regardless of how your wife feels about it, it must bother YOU, if you took the time to post on a forum about it looking for opinions.

I get the situation, my wife is very non-confrontational and would probably be telling me to just leave it alone also. But in this case I think I would still say something. Regardless of the guy's age or whether he only does it when he drinks... it is still IMO inappropriate physical contact with your wife, and I would not just let it go without saying something to him. Has nothing to do with being jealous or anything else, it is about boundaries and he needs to either respect them or stop drinking.

Maybe you should mention it in a friendly way to one of the other husbands in your neighborhood just to see if they have noticed it. Maybe they feel the same way but everyone is keeping quiet because the guy is a popular character.


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

4thand11 said:


> Well regardless of how your wife feels about it, it must bother YOU, if you took the time to post on a forum about it looking for opinions.
> 
> I get the situation, my wife is very non-confrontational and would probably be telling me to just leave it alone also. But in this case I think I would still say something. Regardless of the guy's age or whether he only does it when he drinks... it is still IMO inappropriate physical contact with your wife, and I would not just let it go without saying something to him. Has nothing to do with being jealous or anything else, it is about boundaries and he needs to either respect them or stop drinking.
> 
> Maybe you should mention it in a friendly way to one of the other husbands in your neighborhood just to see if they have noticed it. Maybe they feel the same way but everyone is keeping quiet because the guy is a popular character.


It does bug me because I was always taught and lived by the code that there's two things that you *NEVER* mess with: another man's money or another man's woman(even playing around), and many people have been shot and killed over both things.


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