# Divorced at 23 Damaged goods?



## Confusedme5

Ahhh as the desperation diminishes and clarity peeks through I have now realized this divorce was for the best. The last few months have been a roller coaster of emotions as you may be able to tell from my previous threads. The truth is that you are too young to get married at 19. Though it breaks my heart to be added to the statistic and I feel as if marriage is no longer valued as a life long commitment by many in this day and age I know I fought for my marriage and did everything I could to try to make it work but since my spouse wasn't in it for the long run I have no choice but to pick up the pieces and plan for my future. It's my turn to be the selfish twenty-something I should have been being for the past few years, rather than taking care of an irresponsible man-child. I feel lucky to have my youth and time to really find myself but I have to wonder, I am now damaged goods? I am fearful that when I decide to start dating that men my age will see me in a negative light due to my past marital status.


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## Crankshaw

No, you most certainly are *not* damaged goods, do not even think that, at 23 you are just getting into you best years.


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## Jaded Heart

Yeah I would not think that at all. You are so young, just be thankful it happened now and not when you had 20 some years into the marriage. 

I'm 38 with 6 kids and one grandbaby, I consider myself tarnished !


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## Crankshaw

Jaded Heart said:


> Yeah I would not think that at all. You are so young, just be thankful it happened now and not when you had 20 some years into the marriage.
> 
> I'm 38 with 6 kids and one grandbaby, I consider myself tarnished !


wanna meet some time 
ahhhh, to be 38 again !!!


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## Shelly29

Im soon to be divorced next month at 29, married 7 yrs....at first I thought the same, that i was damaged goods, that i became a statistic (and i didnt think it would happen to me) thought i would grow old with my H....but he chose to leave and i couldnt' do anything about it, i had no say i couldnt fight for anything so i got the short end of the stick.... we didnt choose this for ourselves. We gained from the experience, we learned and now we are taking from all that and being better in life, living OUR lives and enjoying it.....live it to the fullest cause you are still super young!


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## sisters359

Anyone who considers a person "damaged goods" for having life experience is someone you want to run 10 miles from, anyway. Consider it a natural filter, although most people are much too reasonable to be so idiotic. 

At 23, you are still too young to get married, so enjoy yourself, explore life, and have fun! Good luck and God bless!


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## Freak On a Leash

I was close to be divorced at 23. I was engaged to be married to a guy I'd dated since I was 17. We broke up 6 weeks before our marriage...so mentally and emotionally it was a lot like a divorce. 

I will say that I was damaged in that I was SO needy and wanting to get right back into a relationship and I made some TERRIBLE decisions.

I'd actually gotten my act together to get my business started, get my own place but I just HAD to jump right into dating. Didn't think my life would be whole without a significant other in it. 

I never gave myself the chance to be my own person. To live on my own and accomplish things on my own and gain the necessary confidence and self esteem. For years I regretted that decision, especially as my marriage deteriorated. I would often think about what life would've been if I'd stayed in that one bedroom apartment I'd had for a few short months. I often dreamed about being on my own and being able to do the things I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, without hassle or explanation or problems. 

Well, it took 20 years but I finally have my own place and I love it! Yes, I live with my two kids but I enjoy their company but it's MY place and I take great pride in that and appreciate it a LOT. 

I can tell you that if I could go back in time and be 23 again the LAST thing I'd do is start dating for at least a year. I'd allow myself to get whole and "undamaged" and build a life for myself before even THINKING about sharing it with another person. As for what others think of you..Who gives a damn! One of the good things about getting older is that you stop caring about how you look to everyone else. You realize that life is precious and finite and in the end only you are going to care enough about yourself to work on attaining happiness. You don't need someone else in your life to be happy. 

I don't consider myself damaged..I consider myself wiser and more experienced and feel I've learned from what I've gone from and in the end it'll help me as I live out the rest of my life. Take it from that perspective and you'll do fine. 

You got married young so DO NOT make the same mistake twice!! Don't rush into another relationship and be in your late 30s with kids and saying "What did I do?". Live for yourself, by yourself and become the person you want to be. If you can live with and be happy by yourself then eventually it'll work to share your life and give of yourself to another person but you need to give yourself time to get yourself together, to grow as you weren't able to before and to gain confidence. 

So stay off the dating sites and remain emotionally and physically single and concentrate on doing stuff that's fun for you. Do it the right way. Don't make my mistake and be in your mid-40s and say "If only". 

Well, at least I'm not in my mid 60s...


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## sbbs

*Confusedme5*, you are definitely NOT "damaged goods." Anyone who tells you that doesn't deserve your time. 

I agree with all the other posters here--go out, enjoy yourself, learn a little, take some time to grow into the best version of yourself you can be. Don't rush into a new relationship. There will always be guys out there for you; you're only 23, after all.


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## Crankshaw

Freak On a Leash said:


> I Don't make my mistake and be in your mid-40s and say "If only".
> 
> Well, at least I'm not in my mid 60s...


 almost 53s here, W is almost 39
afraid I will be alone


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## notreadytoquit

If I were 23 and had no child I would have packed my bags and moved to a different country. Book yourself on one of those Contiki tours(they are all 35years or younger) go explore the world, learn a new language.


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## Freak On a Leash

notreadytoquit said:


> If I were 23 and had no child I would have packed my bags and moved to a different country. Book yourself on one of those Contiki tours(they are all 35years or younger) go explore the world, learn a new language.


:iagree: BEST advice anyone could give you. Live live live! Don't allow yourself to be dragged down! :smthumbup:

I'm going to buy a motorcycle when my kids are gone and do a cross country trip. It's been a long time dream of mine. Definitely going to be doing some traveling...


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## Freak On a Leash

Crankshaw said:


> almost 53s here, W is almost 39
> afraid I will be alone


Eh. Is being alone so bad? Seriously. It's not like being WITH your wife has been so great. 53 is NOT old. I intend to be livin' large at 53!! :smthumbup: Both my kids will be legal adults and I'm going to move into a smaller place, cut back on expenses and work and do the stuff I WANT to do. Finally. It's what I SHOULD have done when I was 23.


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## Crankshaw

Freak On a Leash said:


> Eh. Is being alone so bad?


at the moment, yes !



> Seriously. It's not like being WITH your wife has been so great.


a few months out of 22 years, it was bloody fantastic.



> 53 is NOT old. I intend to be livin' large at 53!! :smthumbup:


Well, my 'grand daughter' has just suckered me into a game of tennis 



> Both my kids will be legal adults and I'm going to move into a smaller place, cut back on expenses and work and do the stuff I WANT to do. Finally. It's what I SHOULD have done when I was 23.


I will have to work on increasing income first !


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## Freak On a Leash

Crankshaw said:


> a few months out of 22 years, it was bloody fantastic.


Yeah, I had the same thing. Then *poof*..all gone.  It's amazing how that happens...


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## Confusedme5

Thank you all for the fantastic advice! As for going out and having fun, I have been doing just that! Life is getting better and better by the day with the exception of a few small speed bumps as the very stbx and I wrap up all the finances, sell the house etc. All of the behavior he has shown in the last couple weeks has only justified my feelings that this divorce is the right thing. I am tempted to thank him since I am having so much fun, but I will spare him the satisfaction of being right


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## Freak On a Leash

Confusedme5 said:


> Thank you all for the fantastic advice! As for going out and having fun, I have been doing just that! Life is getting better and better by the day with the exception of a few small speed bumps as the very stbx and I wrap up all the finances, sell the house etc. All of the behavior he has shown in the last couple weeks has only justified my feelings that this divorce is the right thing. I am tempted to thank him since I am having so much fun, but I will spare him the satisfaction of being right


:smthumbup: You go girlfriend! That's how it is for me too! Had a GREAT weekend with friends this weekend. Relaxed..It's awesome! 

Live, live, live and DO NOT get seriously involved with anyone right away!


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## Luvstruck

I am 24 and I will be divorced soon. I feel like a complete failure right now because I wanted my marriage to work so badly. The fear of being alone just terrifies me. But, as a friend told me the other day just get a big dog and enjoy what life has in store for you next. I would recommend counseling because it can help you see things very rational vs emotional. I am in counseling and I tell you if I did not have it I would be balled up in a corner somewhere rocking back and forth waiting for my marriage to get better. The key words are 24 and waiting to get better no. Either they did now or never. I love him but I have to love myself enough to walk away. So, enjoy these 20s. Yes, you are to be a wife but that right person will be there waiting for you just give it time and a dog. Lol


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## CLucas976

No one likes to accept failure. I toiled over it just as was described above. Sitting in m apartment waiting for my marriage to get better. I stopped talking to hubs in hopes of avoiding a fight, I stopped asking anything of him and if i did it was in the most pathetic pleading meek mild manner I could muster up, I never bothered letting him know if something upset me or hurt me because it just blew up on me about how it was my fault and no one likes me and Im a horrible person. I wanted so badly to not be that statistic. Love distorts things. Add in guilt from religious 'values' and I was one giant basket case at 22-23 (I'll be 24 in june)

That big relief I felt as I Was leaving that town with all my stuff was so amazing, it felt so good. Ive no need or desire for another person. Ive been joking i should take out an add on craigslist for a 'man pillow' just to give me something to sleep on thats warm lol. 

I am not damaged goods anymore. You are not damaged goods. you left the damage behind when you went out on your own, now its time to re-learn who you are and love yourself for it. And by all means, if you can afford the care and invest the time, get a dog or a cat. I have my dog, my cat, my lizards, and my fish..They by far have been the best therapy I could find. Add that to the other 2 dogs and 2 cats and iguana already living here, and its nearly impossible to see me lounging without at least one creature cozying up to me or laying at my feet. They make my day every morning, and sleep with me every night, its all the love I need right now And i never have to worry about where they've been all night <3

You are all you came into this world with, and you're all you leave with, make the best of it and forget the naysayers.


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