# at the end of my rope and dont know what to do



## cardifftony (Mar 2, 2013)

Hey all 

My partner and I had a daughter she is 2 years old and there has been no sex since we conceived my daughter but the first 9 months where due to medical reasons which I can understand. Since we had out daughter every time I try to go kiss or hug my fiancé I get pushed off or I get to kiss her forehead or her cheek. 

I do understand that we both work (I work full time and she works part time) that with a baby and working the time for romance is hard to find. I do all the house work and all the cooking because she keeps on complaining that she is tired. 

I have said about us getting a sitter so we can go out as a couple with no baby but she again refuses to do that. In the evenings when the baby goes to bed all she does is text message her friends and go on facebook (which drives me nuts) when I confront her on this she yells at me saying I don’t want her to have any friends, but I and not allowed out after work for a drink with my friends. 

In the bed room when I do try to remind her that we are a couple and try to do think that gave us our daughter all I get in reply is “I’m tired” and “I feel sick” or now its just a flat “no”. and to top at all of if my daughter wakes up in the night she comes in to our bed to sleep almost every night.

6 weeks ago she has now agreed to work on things and get me and her back to where we were, but for the last 6 weeks nothing has changed in my opinion things have gone worse. She said that things take time but should I not see an improvement by now 

I have now hit a wall because I feel that I am being taken for a ride by her and other women has become attractive to me again I know that I am not the type of person to cheat I almost have done but I don’t think next time I will have the self control I did.

I have now decided that in 3 months time when we hit 3 years of no sex and no intimacy then I will be leaving her not for any other woman just to be on my own.

If you guys can give me any advice about what to do because I have no clue about what to do.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You need to let her know that you won't stay with her and will not marry her under the current conditions. 

Her rejecting you is painful and it's hurting your marraige. Also stop doing everything, do your fair share at home and with the baby, no more then that. 

Do you flirt with each other and do you do nice things without being prompted? 

Make sure you put your relationship and then child first always but do not allow her to take you for granted. Do what needs to be done because its the right thing to do, and not o get sex etc.

Also maybe going out drinking with your friends would be the wrong environment but go out and start a hobby or do something else with your friends. If she says no... Say too bad and just do it. Don't allow her to manipulate you. Also once a week or so organise a date night. If she refuses to come out then go alone and have a good time. 

Don't put up with her being rude to you. You have a right to expect her to invest time and energy into your relationship too. 

Insist on Counseling and that she sees the Dr about why she's so tired. Get her some vitamins, try and make sure you both eat well and go walking or something together.


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## cardifftony (Mar 2, 2013)

i dont flirt with other women at all. every now and then i have flowers delivered to her work. i use to have a hobby but got old that it took time from me away from the baby when i was not in work

I have said about going to Counseling but she does not think that it will work


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Well, you have to read these forums, search for 'doormat', 'nice guy' etc.

If you let this go, she will one day start taking care of herself, loose weight, buy new sexy clothes, go out with friends. Men notice her and hit on her. Then she comes home at night from these GNO's and you will wonder what she is doing in these clubs. Maybe you notice her texting often.

She will then say you are a passive couch sitter, have no real interest with her, don't take her out, be overweight, be unappealing to her, have no will of your own, always be nice, in short have no life that is of any interest to her. 

So You Drove Her To This All!


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Oh, 

No More Mr Nice Guy 

and

Married Man Sex Life Primer

are your solutions.

Read and Do. Please to prevent more trouble and to get a happy life. Also for your family.


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## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Hi cardifftony, sorry to hear about your problem with your wife. She has to understand that marriage is a partnership. It takes the effort of both of you to be able to work it out. If you're the only one doing the effort, then sorry to say you just have to let her go. You're a good guy, you deserve better. All the best ~mae


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

The good thing about this situation (if you care to look at it that way) is you aren't married. 

She won't try. It's been 3 years and no sex. The child has taken your place in bed.

Simply put, it's time to go.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Why wait another three months? This has been going on far too long already. Is she still seeing the other guy? (From your earlier thread)


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

When you're at the end of your rope, let go.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

cardifftony said:


> I have said about going to Counseling but she does not think that it will work


Ask her directly: how could it hurt to go to counseling? Things can't get much worse.

Based on your other thread, you already know she was seeing another man. Why didn't you mention that here? That's pretty critical information. First things first. I recommend a DNA test to see if your daughter is really yours!


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Honestly if you weren't committed enough to marry her she has no obligation to satisfy you at all.

There are ways around it but only within the confines of a marital agreement.

I realize you have a daughter so I really wouldn't advise leaving. Why didn't you marry her prior so now you could actually do something about it?

i think you got what you put in. No commitment.


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## frustratedandnaive (May 3, 2013)

I am a female and have been married 10 years. I have a 3 year old and 19 month old. My husband was into sex the first three years of the marriage. He claims he is not into any other women. We have sex like once a month. He goes to bed and rolls over and always says he is tired. I am fit and attractive and think I am too young to live the rest of my life with a guy that acts 90. He has made comments through the years that I am so sexy I could turn a gay man straight. I have begun to wonder if he is gay or seeing another woman. The problem is that I feel that marriage is the place to express your sexuality: On a religious level, spiritual level and legal level. It is the socially acceptable place to express one's sexuality. When one partner won't do it, that partner then is forcing the other one to either remain asexual or express him/her self in a sac religious, immoral manner. And I thought as a Christian one of the purposes of marriage was to lead your partner to Christ. If your partner drives you to do things that you know are wrong or bad, then you are with the wrong partner. Whether you are a man or woman, if your partner is not into intimacy you are being cheated out of the best part of life. It is endorsed by God in a loving marriage, free, and healthy. My husband insists on putting our little girl to bed-he lays on the bed with her for 30-45 minutes an then puts her in the crib, crawls into bed and turns over. If I try to talk, tickle, touch, etc. He says "I am tired!" I have worked full time the first 5 years (two jobs) and since with little kids have worked 3 days a week. No one works harder than a mother of small children. I once heard your sex life is a barometer of the relationship. I believe that. I found out recently that for 10 years he has been spending 50% of his take home pay on himself. On baseball hobby-cards. So he is stock piling his money. Who knows what he has been doing. I mean thousands of dollars a month. It fits in with the lack of intimacy-financial infidelity.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Honestly if you weren't committed enough to marry her she has no obligation to satisfy you at all.
> 
> There are ways around it but only within the confines of a marital agreement.
> 
> ...


Have you read his other thread? He should thank his lucky stars he didn't marry her and get away from the parasite as fast as he can. There are quality single women out there but she certainly isn't one.

Even his mother believes she tried to trap him with the pregnancy. She contributes NOTHING to the relationship. He has fully supported her for years. There is implied intimacy in such a relationship. Sex is NORMAL in a loving relationship. She is having sex, just not with him.


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## cardifftony (Mar 2, 2013)

Aunt Ava said:


> Why wait another three months? This has been going on far too long already. Is she still seeing the other guy? (From your earlier thread)


I found out she was not seeing another guy I was given wrong information by a friend
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cardifftony (Mar 2, 2013)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Honestly if you weren't committed enough to marry her she has no obligation to satisfy you at all.
> 
> There are ways around it but only within the confines of a marital agreement.
> 
> ...


The reason why we haven't got married yet is that we were saving up for her dream wedding that she wanted
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

cardifftony said:


> I have now decided that in 3 months time when we hit 3 years of no sex and no intimacy then I will be leaving her not for any other woman just to be on my own.


She doesn't love you any more. Of that I have NO doubt. I don't care what she says. Read up on walk-away wives. That is your situation. Then read up on the 180. That is your solution.

What in gods name do you think 3 months will accomplish? Just leave today. That will get you back 12 weeks of your life.

She's gone. Don't "tell" her anything. Just DO. Leave.


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## cardifftony (Mar 2, 2013)

We had a good talk today and she admited that she has not been trying to work on things but now she has promised me that she will I said that I am going to give her 3 months for a big improvement if not I am going, she was not happy that I have put a time scale on it. According to he she has bad a problem going from mummy to wife and got stuck being mummy and not realised what she was doing, (watch this space and see what happens)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

cardifftony said:


> We had a good talk today and she admited that she has not been trying to work on things but now she has promised me that she will I said that I am going to give her 3 months for a big improvement if not I am going, she was not happy that I have put a time scale on it. According to he she has bad a problem going from mummy to wife and got stuck being mummy and not realised what she was doing, (watch this space and see what happens)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk is cheap. Did she specifically layout what she planned to do? Actions?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Honestly if you weren't committed enough to marry her she has no obligation to satisfy you at all.
> 
> There are ways around it but only within the confines of a marital agreement.
> 
> ...


I've got news for him. He could be married and still not be getting sex. A wedding ceremony doesn't mean he'll be getting sex any more than an announcement from Ed McMahan means I'll win a million dollars.


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## cardifftony (Mar 2, 2013)

It's not just the sex it's the connection that has gone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You aren't a couple. You have a woman living at the same address. Go out with your friends. One of your problems may be her distinct lack of respect for you. That seems to accompany men who say things like, "I'm not allowed to....". She's getting something out of this arrangement. It's not sex or intimacy, so what's she getting from you? Figure that out and link it to her acting in a loving, respectful way toward you. If all she values from you is financial support, bail and cut her a check. Life is too short to be a slave. If she values your presence, make yourself scarce if she's indifferent or disrespectful to you. She'll figure out that if she wants you around she'll have to act more X and less Y. If my dog can figure out cause and effect, your girlfriend won't have a problem.


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