# Thank you letter



## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

this is a terrible question to ask, but I'm going to ask it anyway. A little over a year after the affair ended. He has no contact with her, has done a complete turn around. No worries about him having anything to do with her or anyone again. OK. Is it really bad for me to write her a thank you letter, thanking her for making us realize that our marriage was in trouble and making us hit rock bottom in order to fix it? I feel sorry for her in a lot of way. Even though he lied to me and cheated on me, I really believe he had no intentions of a future with her, however, she felt very different. I check her facebook page now and then and it's been 19 months since they've seen each other and 14 months since they have talked, texted, etc. and she is still way hung up on him. Obvious from her facebook posts. I want her to know that he is really happy (like she told him that she hoped he would be) and to make her realize that she has no shot in the future and she should move on with her life. Am I just being a *****?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

If you've both moved on from an affair, leave it alone. He's not contacting her, and she's not contacting him. If she's still carrying a torch, that's her problem.


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## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

Thank you. I knew that was the answer. I just needed someone to tell me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Is she one of those women who share those stupid trite sayings about lost love? "If you love someone, let them go... Bla bla bla."

If so, yikes! Why would you want to crack open a window to a drama queen?

Also, you won she lost and while it's nice to be gracious, this isn't the time. The most gracious thing is to do is to keep your distance.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

lonely one said:


> this is a terrible question to ask, but I'm going to ask it anyway. A little over a year after the affair ended. He has no contact with her, has done a complete turn around. No worries about him having anything to do with her or anyone again. OK. Is it really bad for me to write her a thank you letter, thanking her for making us realize that our marriage was in trouble and making us hit rock bottom in order to fix it? I feel sorry for her in a lot of way. Even though he lied to me and cheated on me, I really believe he had no intentions of a future with her, however, she felt very different. I check her facebook page now and then and it's been 19 months since they've seen each other and 14 months since they have talked, texted, etc. and she is still way hung up on him. Obvious from her facebook posts. I want her to know that he is really happy (like she told him that she hoped he would be) and to make her realize that she has no shot in the future and she should move on with her life. Am I just being a *****?


Write it, read it, and dispose of it. Just don't send it to her. It would most likely cause a lot more harm than good.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

If she is still attached to someone that hasn't spoken to her in 14 months and was only using her for sex...trust me she has enough issues. 

Don't send her anything. Just let it be and continue on making your marriage the happiest it can be.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thundarr said:


> Write it, read it, and dispose of it. Just don't send it to her. It would most likely cause a lot more harm than good.


I am with this idea.. I am the type of person who seeks closure in ALL THINGS ... it helps me move on completely .. and It makes sense to me that YOU FEEL AS YOU DO.. 

Yet on the other side of that is RE-opening something this woman is having a very difficult time allowing to DIE.. so it's best to NOT GO THERE with her.. she has to work that out on her own....

But for you to write something you deeply feel out..is like Therapy many times.. then you can burn it....it's a symbol of.. ..it's finished....this is part of the past.. I am looking to the future.. but you've made "peace" with it... (which is very important)

Maybe even- forget addressing her.. and concentrate on your husband.... write him the letter to how strongly you feel in this..that even though this was a BAD thing, had the power to destruct your marriage... you can see how it's revived you both...and you are thankful for this. Just a thought. It's rare to see a wife who would say the things you do here.... though I think it's very healthy ....a sign you can look back and see how badly the 2 of you missed each other...and now, to the future, you'll never allow these things to re-enter your marriage.. :smthumbup:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> .. so it's best to NOT GO THERE with her.. she has to work that out on her own....
> 
> But for you to write something you deeply feel out..is like Therapy many times.. then you can burn it....it's a symbol of.. ..it's finished....this is part of the past.. I am looking to the future.. but you've made "peace" with it... (which is very important)
> 
> Maybe even- forget addressing her.. and concentrate on your husband.... write him the letter to how strongly you feel in this..that even though this was a BAD thing, had the power to destruct your marriage... you can see how it's revived you both...and you are thankful for this. Just a thought. It's rare to see a wife who would say the things you do here.... though I think it's very healthy ....a sign you can look back and see how badly the 2 of you missed each other...and now, to the future, you'll never allow these things to re-enter your marriage.. :smthumbup:


I'd also suggest stop visiting her FB page. Focus your energy on the two of you. 

If you feel the need to write, I love this idea from SA. The only people you need to thank for recognizing where your marriage was at and then working on improving it, is you and your husband.


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