# Am I being a FOOL



## jdotty (Oct 18, 2010)

I've been w/my husband for 13 yrs. We met in high school and dated up until I joined the military. At the time, I wanted a better way of life and he didn't. I left for bootcamp....three months after he joined as well. 6 months later we were married. Before we could make plans to be in the same state together, he was kicked out. I was pissed and felt that he should have considered having a wife and household to take care of. By this time were only 19 and 20. Out of anger and frustration, I cheated. Yes, women do it too. Afterwards, I felt cheap and lousy. He had cheated all throughout high school and even after, however I broke our vows. I had suspicions that he had done the same but two wrongs don't make a right. I kept it a secret........at least for a while.

We started our new life and within our first week of living in the same household, he wanted to go back across the world to be with his dysfunctional family and friends. I pleaded, he stayed. His work ethic was great at first, however getting kicked out of the service with no degree or experience landed him various jobs in restaurants. I was happy because a job is a job. Being a breadwinner didn't bother me.....yet. I was informed that I had to deploy, I did my 6 month tour in Iraq, only to find that he had cheated, wrecked my car and received a DUI. To add to that, my husband was a semi alcoholic who snorted coke quite often......but I forgave him......

We moved back to the east coast to my new duty station to be closer to family. Wrong move!! His mom is a drug addict, dad's an alcoholic and the rest of his family are lazy. After 8 months of being at our new place, his sister moved in. She was only twelve, but had issues because of her lack of guidance. No offense, but I was not in the position to play mommy. My husband was working and so was I (I was the breadwinner.....always have been.) Our budget was tight and we were trying to buy a home. She couldn't respect my rules because she came from a place where there were none. She left after two weeks. He resented me for this. I explained to him that I had a career and when I married him, I had no intentions of raising his siblings on top of dealing with his issues

We moved on, but no matter where we relocated, my husband always found loser friends who were not married and complete bums.....You are who you hang around right? The drugs and the drinking continued, he lost numerous jobs....good jobs, staying out all night with his friends....or women. I was fed up, tired, working and felt cheated. I went to school for my job for 2 mos and upon my return, the lights were turned off and my wedding ring, including his, was gone. Never admitted what happen to this day.

At this point the whole submissive wife crap was out the window and far gone with the flow of the river. BAM!! Another deployment for me....and once again, he gets another DUI!! This time he screwed himself horribly. He'd just joined the National Guard.....Luckily he didn't get kicked out again despite his waiver to get back in. I WAS DONE!!

I came back 20 pounds lighter, quit smoking and ready to move on with my life. See I had somewhat allowed myself to become a part of his mess by overeating and stress. No more!!.....Yeah Right!! He begged me not to leave and I stayed. 

Now here we are....He's all that I've wanted him to be in the past 10 years but now I have a problem with respecting his position as man due to our history. I've always made more money and ensured that the house was taken care of while he acted a fool. 

He says that if I can't respect him, then we must part.......Wait, all the years that I dealt with his mess and now you're threatening to leave me because I have issues. What about working through my issues like we did your own....How can a woman go from doing EVERYTHING to trusting a man to take care of her after he's hurt her so much?

I'm starting to think that it's too late and that my negative attitude is a result of me really wanting to leave the relationship and being FREE for a change. I've been with him since 15 and I'm now 28. What if the love is gone? Is he wrong for not wanting to fight for my love and as did his?


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## marilee (Jul 24, 2009)

> but now I have a problem with respecting his position as man due to our history.


What does that mean? What is his position as a man? He wants to be in charge?

Does he realize what year it is? 

Honey, unless you have children, I'd advise you to run, run, run far away from this guy. It's NOT going to get better with time. The two of you sound toxic together, and frankly, he sounds like a pretty low quality guy.


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