# I'm a guy AND I'm just like a light switch



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I've read a couple threads here recently where a guy stated that "we are not light switches" or a wife living a sexless marriage wrote her LD husband made a similar comment. I'm going to be honest here - I can't relate nor can I understand. I am always ready for sex. I seriously thought that almost every other guy was too - with the only exceptions being those who had low T, other chemical/nutritional deficiences or suffered illness.

No major purpose to this thread aside from stating that while yes, there are guys out there who are a lot like a like switch when it comes to arousal. 

Honestly, I have a hard time relating to the notion that LD guys exist, or even that guys could consider a "normal" sex drive as one where 1/wk, 2/wk or even every other day is enough. For me, every other day is a compromise I made with my wife, and I have to augment that with some alone time. 

On the flip side, when I'm traveling away from home, I can switch it off and go 2 weeks without a release. I guess I can switch myself on and off. Thought most men were like this.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

And you learned there is more to the world than your own experience...too bad more people don't learn things that are right in front of their faces.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

im not a light switch. That has two positions.

Im more like one of those old-style fuses, where you screw the fuse out, put a penny in, then screw the fuse on top to hold the penny in-place. i.e. ALWAYS turned on, always ready for a little nookie.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

You ever wonder if some of this is in the attraction you feel for your wife? I mean, I can remember being that way with first wife. I don't with second. I suppose part of that was low t. I suppose part was weight and part worry. Although, I've never been huge, I am a serious worry wart. 

Thing that bugs me is, I had plenty of issues in first marriage and was still ready any time. :scratchhead: Not sure what is going on there. I really woul like to be that way again. I just don't have faith that I can be for long. Getting old sucks.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> And you learned there is more to the world than your own experience...too bad more people don't learn things that are right in front of their faces.


Indeed. But still, it's hard to relate on a personal level. However, it can be done if you can empathize and try to find common ground for a compromise solution or outright problem solving by finding that smoking gun (or guns).


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> You ever wonder if some of this is in the attraction you feel for your wife? I mean, I can remember being that way with first wife. I don't with second. I suppose part of that was low t. I suppose part was weight and part worry. Although, I've never been huge, I am a serious worry wart.
> 
> Thing that bugs me is, I had plenty of issues in first marriage and was still ready any time. :scratchhead: Not sure what is going on there. I really woul like to be that way again. I just don't have faith that I can be for long. Getting old sucks.


I'm 40, so I know that I'm getting into that area where I MIGHT see a drop in my libido. However, I hope to stave it off as long as possible thru diet and exercise that includes weight training and cardio. I think there are several older guys than me that still have pretty high libidos, so I have faith.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> You ever wonder if some of this is in the attraction you feel for your wife? I mean, I can remember being that way with first wife. I don't with second. I suppose part of that was low t. I suppose part was weight and part worry. Although, I've never been huge, I am a serious worry wart.
> 
> Thing that bugs me is, I had plenty of issues in first marriage and was still ready any time. :scratchhead: Not sure what is going on there. I really woul like to be that way again. I just don't have faith that I can be for long. Getting old sucks.


It could be who my wife is that drives me. I was the same with the last GF before my wife came along too. I never had a ONS, but I think I would have no problem with having one physically. Morally is a different subject though.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yep, I knew a few who talked that way. I think it can be. Keep up the good work and be glad you are able. You and the other guys here who have a high libido make me envious.

ETA: replied to post 6


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

My first wife was different than my second. She was a tomboy as a kid and she wasn't afraid to talk dirty. In fact she probably got me going(initiated) more than I initiated. It might just be that, for me.

ETA: Not sure what it is.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Yep, I knew a few who talked that way. I think it can be. Keep up the good work and be glad you are able. *You and the other guys here who have a high libido make me envious.*
> 
> ETA: replied to post 6


Sorry, that wasn't my intent. I think in most cases though that libido is just as much a state of mind as it is physical/chemical. I think we've seen several cases where spouses married to others who made the marriage sexless saw their libidos plummet. Once they latch onto new people, the libidos rebound.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> You ever wonder if some of this is in the attraction you feel for your wife? .


yeah, I am old as the hills, and the attraction has gone up and down. Right now, it is pretty close to where it was when I was young. There was a period a few years ago where we had drifted, and one day I just said "why should I put up with so little sex in my marriage?"

I, basically, trained my mind to want her. she did some things too, like getting back to fighting weight and being willing to wear more dresses/skirts and nice things around the house. But I went out of my way to convince myself that I was attracted to her. Always touching, always initiating, trying to get her to multiple organisms. And you know, after a year and a half of trying, I fully am turned on by her again! And after some initial resistance on her part (she is borderline LD, complicated by being past menopause) she was game to go along with it.

So don't give up. Work on it.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Gotta get the guts to go look for a new one and let her know she is part of a "scientific" experiment.  My counselor is telling me it's time. I don't feel ready. Soon. Thanks for humoring me.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> let her know she is part of a "scientific" experiment.


ah, the Sex Safari! Into the deepest darkest realm of the forbidden jungle. Always wear a pith helmet!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Sorry, that wasn't my intent. I think in most cases though that libido is just as much a state of mind as it is physical/chemical. * I think we've seen several cases where spouses married to others who made the marriage sexless saw their libidos plummet. Once they latch onto new people, the libidos rebound*.


I am one of those men. The final four years of my first marriage were completely sexless. I met my now wife, and from our second date until this day over two years later, we have had sex 10-15 times a week. A lot of it, in fact most of that desire is rooted in the overall health and state of the emotional relationship we share.

And for the record, I am older than you Plan 9


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I'm 40, so I know that I'm getting into that area where I MIGHT see a drop in my libido. However, I hope to stave it off as long as possible thru diet and exercise that includes weight training and cardio. I think there are several older guys than me that still have pretty high libidos, so I have faith.


Diet, weight training, and cardio. They will be telling you, you are getting older, but you gotta keep humping. I'd be humping until the day I die. Do it way more than average, that will maintain your youth as best as possible.


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

treyvion said:


> Diet, weight training, and cardio. They will be telling you, you are getting older, but you gotta keep humping. I'd be humping until the day I die. Do it way more than average, that will maintain your youth as best as possible.


Reminds me of a discussion between my mom and myself. I had came home from college to visit my mother and commenced talking about my wicked stepfather (he ALWAYS beat me with leather strap or a board (if handy --every week)), I asked why she married such mean individual. She said after experiencing a very beautiful marriage to my dad (he died at 32 from leukemia) she thought history would repeat itself. She also related that dad was on his death bed in a hospital and said" Irene, hop up her -- one more time for old times sake." I said " Well mom, what did you do?" She related that she did not for fear of being caught by a nurse. Oh boy, sex was not as open back then as it is today!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

My dad is in his 70's and he and his partner still have regular sex.

My man is mid 50's and is up for sex daily at a minimum. My friends all in middle age have sex. Some of you guys here are way too young to worry about declining sex drive.

As for the OP, there are many men that are LD, it is much more common than you think.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

2ntnuf said:


> You ever wonder if some of this is in the attraction you feel for your wife? I mean, I can remember being that way with first wife. I don't with second. I suppose part of that was low t. I suppose part was weight and part worry. Although, I've never been huge, I am a serious worry wart.
> 
> Thing that bugs me is, I had plenty of issues in first marriage and was still ready any time. :scratchhead: Not sure what is going on there. I really woul like to be that way again. I just don't have faith that I can be for long. Getting old sucks.


Man, you just described me and my first and second marriages.

Being younger certainly helps, but perhaps it's because with wife #1, it was my only way to connect with her. With my current wife, we're on the same page about most other things, thus there's more of a connection in other ways.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I think the incidence of LD is less common in men than in women (I have no scientific proof to back that up! Just a hunch.) but it certainly exists.

But I think the reasons why are vastly different.

As a man, I can't say that I've ever had a bad experience with sex. For women, it's a pretty common thing. (ie. being pressured, feeling like you "have to", date rape, sexual harassment, etc etc etc). While we men are generally not treated as objects, many women are, and I'd venture to say that all women at some point have been. And the odd time we men are treated like objects, I don't think we mind...

As we guys are genetically engineered to sow our seed in as many places as possible, it's a much more physical act than it is for women, hence all the stereotypes - many of which are not that far from the truth. In general, we don't have to be "woo'd" to get us in the sack. 

Our genetic disposition, in general, is to spread our lineage in as many places as possible. Women are more genetically disposed to choose a better mate for offspring. Males are looking for quantity in offspring, women quality.

The light switch analogy isn't that far off. It truly doesn't take that much to get us in the mood.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

alexm said:


> Man, you just described me and my first and second marriages.
> 
> Being younger certainly helps, but perhaps it's because with wife #1, it was my only way to connect with her. With my current wife, we're on the same page about most other things, thus there's more of a connection in other ways.


This was true for my first wife and I also. She was always making me frustrated about something. It was, in a way, like letting some steam off. I never thought of that before this. It's really odd.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm always ON too. But sometimes the circuit breaker has tripped.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

alexm said:


> I think the incidence of LD is less common in men than in women (I have no scientific proof to back that up! Just a hunch.) but it certainly exists.
> 
> But I think the reasons why are vastly different.
> 
> ...


In general, and I hate to type that, I think this is true.

I find that for me to even feel anything, it must be a certain type of woman, with a certain body type and personality, before I feel much of anything. Then, I don't know what, if anything, it would take for me to do something now. I know I have to pretty much have the woman actually come right out and ask if I want anything. 

By the way, that happened today. This woman at work came right out and asked. I was doing some legitimate work for her and we were talking a little and laughing. Finally, she comes right out and pretty much asks. I told her normally I would, but there is one thing that stops me. She asked what that was and I told her. You are married. If you were not, things would be different. 

She made some mention of her age and I told her that I wouldn't mind being younger too, but that had nothing to do with it. Apparently, if you are a woman(warning general statement coming), you get angry when a man turns you down for sex, even if you are married. Sorry, but that is all the experience, along with my x'es that I have to go on, and TAM. So, that's why I have that attitude. Apparently, marriage doesn't mean that much to many folks. 

Life is so different from what I was taught when I was growing up. I almost want to holler at mum and dad for teaching me a bunch of bull crap about life. They must have lived under a rock or they thought they could shield me from life. Either way, I've paid for that all of my life. It's effed up. It really is, and I am quite angry about it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Apparently, marriage doesn't mean that much to many folks.


True, and that's doubly true if your needs aren't being met. Expecting otherwise is a recipe for disappointment - and affairs.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> True, and that's doubly true if your needs aren't being met. Expecting otherwise is a recipe for disappointment - and affairs.


This isn't meaning that you should get a divorce. It's just in general. There I go again. sh*t

Get a freakin' divorce. Get it! If you ain't happy now, why live like that?! Get the divorce. You may have less money, but money doesn't buy happiness. 

I understand what you are saying. I really do. I just cannot bring myself to agree. I lived through puberty when the wind blowing made me stand at attention. It can be done. It isn't fun, but get the divorce, quick! And then, go have your fun.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> It can be done. It isn't fun, but get the divorce, quick! And then, go have your fun.


But! But! Oh, heck. It sounds that simple, but it rarely is in real life. Sometimes that really is the best answer, though.

I'm decidedly against cheating - no real good can come of it (but some people are delusional!). However, I'm in favor of consensually open relationships as a possible solution.

If we aren't happy with housecleaning, we can outsource. If we aren't happy with cooking, we can outsource. If we aren't happy with childcare, we can outsource part of it (almost all if you can afford a nanny). You can even outsource having a baby. Etc. Some people have even outsourced their jobs! Sometimes, you don't even need to ask your spouse first. Why not outsource sex and/or affection, if the rest is good? Just agree on it in advance, please. If you can't agree, then divorce.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> But! But! Oh, heck. It sounds that simple, but it rarely is in real life. Sometimes that really is the best answer, though.
> 
> I'm decidedly against cheating - no real good can come of it (but some people are delusional!). However, I'm in favor of consensually open relationships as a possible solution.
> 
> ...


One cannot be more intimate with another human being than during sex. It requires a combination of mental, emotional, and physical compatibility, to be special. I can't think of one other thing that requires all that. If two are not able to find compatibility there, I don't see the point in being married. You can have all the other things without marrying. 

Sometimes, I think it's best to live separately and just have a partner for sex and the more important things in life. It would be so much easier. I am surprised that with all the power individuals have today and all the opportunities at their finger tips, more don't see this and take advantage. 

Marriage is something very special and it's importance diminishes with each compromise. It's really a shame.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

I've always been like a light switch. Ever since I started dating at 15 after having sex with the same woman more than 4 or 5 times I'd always be right in the middle of sex when it really was like somebody turned off a switch. I'd lose my inability to ejaculate, then my erection and a feeling of just wanting out of there as fast as possible. This went on for more than 20 years and I changed partners very frequently and had a pretty good sex life but that all changed when I got married and it happened with my wife and we haven't has sex for over two decades. I just seem to get sexually bored of the same person very quickly. I asked for an open marriage but she refused. We did manage to have two kids and I stayed on for them.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

resentment turns the switch to the off position.

and you might need an electrican to help turn it back on.


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## MrsFrench (Sep 9, 2014)

My H's light switch is either constantly on, or constantly off. 

For a few months, it goes like this: if he's stressed, he isn't in the mood, if he's hungry, he isn't in the mood, if he's tired, he isn't in the mood, so on and so forth. 

Then for a month, it goes like this: If my shirt reveals cleavage, he wants it, if I rest my hand on his leg at dinner, he wants me to get handsy in the car, if someone checks me out in public, he wants to remind me I'm his when we get home, if I look at him sideways, he wants to put on a show for the kids and go upstairs. 

Unfortunately, the latter is far less common than the former. On top of that, he lives with chronic pain, which makes sex impossible sometimes, even if he is in one of those fleeting moods. He's not attracted to me during pregnancy, he doesn't like make up sex, he doesn't like angry sex, etc. So, it is a struggle. I too, am envious of those with extremely HD. Whenever I read about multiple times a day, daily, every other day, it's depressing and I wonder if it's me. 

That being said, I think the light switch theory can be accomplished physically, it's whether or not the man puts up a fight mentally - medical issues aside (low T etc.)


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Holland said:


> My dad is in his 70's and he and his partner still have regular sex.
> 
> My man is mid 50's and is up for sex daily at a minimum. My friends all in middle age have sex. Some of you guys here are way too young to worry about declining sex drive.
> 
> As for the OP, there are many men that are LD, it is much more common than you think.


My husband is in his mid fifties (as am I) and he reckons that he never thinks about sex at all. Whether he has a switch or not, I don't know but what I do know is that the bulb has gone and needs replacing  . He seems to think that people in their fifties are getting too old to be wanting sex. I'm looking at a future with no sex at all unless I get it elsewhere.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Mr B, you have delayed or retarded ejaculation. Have you done therapy? You have to forego masturbation and porn in addition if you want to fix it. But you need therapy.

You are lucky your wife stuck with you. Most men with RE end up alone. 

It sucks that your response to her was to ask for an open marriage. That should have gotten you the boot because the right answer would be that you will move mountains to get fixed.


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

doobie said:


> My husband is in his mid fifties (as am I) and he reckons that he never thinks about sex at all. Whether he has a switch or not, I don't know but what I do know is that the bulb has gone and needs replacing  . He seems to think that people in their fifties are getting too old to be wanting sex. I'm looking at a future with no sex at all unless I get it elsewhere.


I am in my upper 50's and my wife is in her late forty's. My greatest pleasure is to make her happy in bed. We usually go two maybe three times a week. Which ends up perfect for both of us. She has no problem letting me know when she is ready!!


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Rooster2014 said:


> I am in my upper 50's and my wife is in her late forty's. My greatest pleasure is to make her happy in bed. We usually go two maybe three times a week. Which ends up perfect for both of us. She has no problem letting me know when she is ready!!


I envy your wife. I'm intrigued by how many LD spouses there are here who are making an effort and showing a willingness to change to save their marriages. I only wish my husband would be willing to make some effort. Beyond having a "talk" about the situation every 6 o 7 weeks (which is initiated because he gets mad at how distant I've become as this situation makes me more and more depressed), my husband just doesn't consider our lack of a sex life. It only gets acknowledged and discussed when the situation has worn me down again. After every one of these talks I'm full of hope that he has taken my viewpoint on board and is willing to do something about it, only to be let down time and time again.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I think a lot if it has to do with how sex, and your beliefs about it, fit into your upbringing and development.

My parents rarely displayed physical affection for each other growing up, but they definitely showed love, respect and appreciation for each other. I think their sexual relationship was very private to them, and considering my bedroom when I was a teenager was in the basement right under theirs, I will admit that I never once heard anything that led me to think they were at all sexual.

I was left to my own to figure out my sexuality, I knew that as a teenager I was in a perpetual state of horniness, I was the breakerless live circuit, not the light switch. But I was shy, introverted, quiet and too well-behaved (risk averse) and never got around to developing relationships with girls. I think I was quite stunted in that regard, and the saying goes if you don't use it you lose it - I think any need for constant sexual gratification from a woman pretty much atrophied (or so it is according to the sexual appetite that so many guys are here seem to flex and pose with).

Nowadays I'm more like a spinning top, I can be worked up into a frenzy and keep going, but if no woman pushes me I will eventually stop spinning and not really get worked up about anything.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

clipclop2 said:


> Mr B, you have delayed or retarded ejaculation. Have you done therapy? You have to forego masturbation and porn in addition if you want to fix it. But you need therapy.
> 
> You are lucky your wife stuck with you. Most men with RE end up alone.
> 
> It sucks that your response to her was to ask for an open marriage. That should have gotten you the boot because the right answer would be that you will move mountains to get fixed.


Well this problem predates any porn use by at least a decade. I didn't really start using porn until I got married and the was sexless. But this problem began when I first started having sex at 15. The reason I think it is sexual boredom and not RE is that if I switched partners to somebody new the problem would disappear for awhile and my sexual functioning was great. I keep calling it a problem but for the first half of my life it wasn't a problem. It was only when I got married at 40 and was unable to easily change partners that it became a problem.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

It is still RE. It may not be sexual boredom. It could be an attachment thing. Caring too much or too little. Lots of other things. But why haven't you sought therapy. Yours is unfortunately the saddest form of DE. It is so hurtful to the woman.

Do you have ADD?


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

I am always ready for sex...I dont NEED or want it all the time, but I can do it every day if necessary LOL...even at 46

I am dating 3 girls right now...and I have had sex every day this week except for wednesday, including this morning

that said I need to dump one of these...sex every day and I am very tired and its not great for me, only good...need a day or 2 in between to miss it LOL


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

doobie said:


> My husband is in his mid fifties (as am I) and he reckons that he never thinks about sex at all. Whether he has a switch or not, I don't know but what I do know is that the bulb has gone and needs replacing  . He seems to think that people in their fifties are getting too old to be wanting sex. I'm looking at a future with no sex at all unless I get it elsewhere.


He should be fixed up with my wife. She thinks that with us in our late 40's and two little kids, sex is the last thing we need to think about. She's constantly complaining how tired she is, and when sex is mentioned, how much work it is. I've given up, and like you, unless I get it elsewhere, there's no sex in my future. That said, I will never do that (caveat - her one horny friend would be someone that I could have an affair with. She somewhat average looking, but she just turns me on, probably because she has some sort of sexual activity at least once a day. Her husband isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but he's getting some all the time).


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

This post made me laugh, as my husband is a light switch too... Just so you have an idea how quickly ahem *things happen* for him- yesterday my face was close to his side on so I whispered to him (nothing sexual) and BOING! He said my breath did it! I definitely do not get angry at him for it, just makes me laugh because it's instantaneous and he is like a 16 yr old when he is almost 36.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

clipclop2 said:


> It is still RE. It may not be sexual boredom. It could be an attachment thing. Caring too much or too little. Lots of other things. But why haven't you sought therapy. Yours is unfortunately the saddest form of DE. It is so hurtful to the woman.
> 
> Do you have ADD?


No......and there was therapy....7 years of it because the marriage was unconsummated. 6 different therapists from 3 different specialties- 3 sex therapists, 1 psychologist 2 psychiatric. My
wife gave up after the 3rd year but I kept going. Basically a waste of money. You can't "cure" someone who is simply easily bored having sex with the same person. The mistake was getting married in the first place I guess.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I have to agree with that.

If you never have sex with her you can hardly claim to be bored having sex with the same person.


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi Plan 

responses below yours. 

I've read a couple threads here recently where a guy stated that "we are not light switches" or a wife living a sexless marriage wrote her LD husband made a similar comment. I'm going to be honest here - I can't relate nor can I understand. I am always ready for sex. I seriously thought that almost every other guy was too - with the only exceptions being those who had low T, other chemical/nutritional deficiences or suffered illness.


Judith; THe title of the book is any indication 
Guys are microwaves and women are like crockpots. 
There is another title that is similiar about couples that i can tthink of . 

The goal is the wife teaches the husband father to slow down in sex and the father teaches the to enjoy the instanteous part of sex sometimes. 
The key to remember in things is that a woman needs her mind to transition from mom to sexy woman. THat is why the twenty minutes etc to help her move to sexual mind. 
Remember men women mind is what helps her to get to sexI have learned and so on by friends and others that the both woman and man can have HD and the frequency is the key
WOmen are at their peak in their 30s and so that is why they want sex more. IF they dont want it weekly usually it is a emotional issue for her in not wanting sex. See cuddlebug section. 
The only other reason usually that women want it more than once week is abuse victims either act out sexually and over do it or dont act out. 
The one person in this thread that the wife is not doing it is becuase of her mind and what she has on her plate
When a woman has helped with the kids etc she is open to sex like you wouldnt believe. Also the one that is woman that is doing it in over abundance is usually a sign of sexual trauma. Because women will use sex to cope with the emtoional pain from the past. 

No major purpose to this thread aside from stating that while yes, there are guys out there who are a lot like a like switch when it comes to arousal.

Honestly, I have a hard time relating to the notion that LD guys exist, or even that guys could consider a "normal" sex drive as one where 1/wk, 2/wk or even every other day is enough. For me, every other day is a compromise I made with my wife, and I have to augment that with some alone time.

Judith: Even if they do -it is becuase of emotional issues about their looks etc. IN a different way than women. All men are like light switches or microwaves. The key is what is drive it behind how they play it out. 1% of men and women issues of not have sex is medical the other 90 is about emtoional or relational or abuse in the past. etc. If paralyzed victims can still have sex -they just dont feel it -then it is not all medical

On the flip side, when I'm traveling away from home, I can switch it off and go 2 weeks without a release. I guess I can switch myself on and off. Thought most men were like this. 

Judith: Part of that is your kids need you two to be have sex with each other not other partners and you have set a boundary in yo0ur mind that your not going to violate your wife by going out side and she would be hurt for you to do. So your mind plays a part in that. The key is self control etc. Yes you can all people can -it is called self control and they dont want to hurt others. The problem is that teens and others dont realize they are hurt future spouses of others by doing it with alot and not being stick with their wife. I have seen that play out in abuse situations. The jerk that abuse the spouse has affected the couples sexual interaction -had the abuse not happen the couples would have been able to have a good start wtih sex. Which this proves why teens shouldnt be doing it with more than one person. Even the reverse is true. There is a male sexual abuse survivor site adn the male was abused and that jerk caused pain for the wife who wants sex but is struggling becuase of the father have been abused-her husband. 

I Hope this made sense.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)




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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

clipclop2 said:


> I have to agree with that.
> 
> If you never have sex with her you can hardly claim to be bored having sex with the same person.


No read what I posted before. This "boredom thing" the inability to function sexually after 3 or 4 sexual encounters with the same woman (switching off) started when I began having sex at 15. When I was single it wasn't a problem as I simply moved on to someone else. I got married at 40 years old for all the wrong reasons, although they seemed like the right ones at the time, and, of course, marriage made it difficult, no.....impossible to move from partner to partner when the boredom kicked in with my wife (months before the wedding) so I just stopped trying and failing to have sex with her after therapy didn't work and that was over 2 decades ago. But I do really miss skin to skin contact with women and have a high sex drive even today which has made it all that much more difficult.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)




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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Mr B said:


> No......and there was therapy....7 years of it because the marriage was unconsummated. 6 different therapists from 3 different specialties- 3 sex therapists, 1 psychologist 2 psychiatric. My
> 
> wife gave up after the 3rd year but I kept going. Basically a waste of money. You can't "cure" someone who is simply easily bored having sex with the same person. The mistake was getting married in the first place I guess.



I am going to have to call bull**** on that. Boredom has nothing to do with it. I do many things in my life that bore me and everyone I know does things that bore them.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I am going to have to call bull**** on that. Boredom has nothing to do with it. I do many things in my life that bore me and everyone I know does things that bore them.


I dunno.....that's what I always chalked it up to. a couple of therapists said it was sexual anxiety caused by an "Attachmnet Disorder" but honestly while having sex I never felt any anxiety at all, as a matter of fact I was having a great time when my sexual desire would suddenly vanish like someone turning off a switch, usually right smack in the middle of intercourse. It just felt like I'd had enough of that particular woman and it was time to move on. It sure as hell felt like sexual boredom to me. Although some of my therapists had a few vague ideas most just threw in the towel after they'd made a few thousand bucks off my misery. After a few years I just figured i was throwing good money after bad and boredom still seems like the most logical explanation especially in light of the fact I am easily bored in many other areas of my life. I am a bit of a "newness junky" I'm afraid.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Oh, it is definitely an attachment issue.

It is not boredom. If it were you could go back after a few months... Or years.

You did what a lot of people do. Candy coated the problem.

So now you what? Watch porn and refuse to touch your wife?


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

clipclop2 said:


> Oh, it is definitely an attachment issue.
> 
> It is not boredom. If it were you could go back after a few months... Or years.
> 
> ...


Yup.....have done for the past 25 years. I had a few brief affairs but the same boredom problems cropped up with those women as they had with every woman I'd ever had sexual relations with in my life. I really don't have any other choice as moving from partner to partner now like I did when I was single would risk me losing my family not to mention at least half my money. I'm resigned to it. I've already spent over $20,000 on therapy and like I said I refuse now to throw good money after bad.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Affairs.

Great.

Does your wife know?

I will not talk to you again.

Good money after bad? Pathetic.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I can relate to that. Before my wife and I got our marriage back in track we were sexless for quite a while, only having sex every two months or so. During that time I never initiated once. Only times we had sex was when my wife wanted it. During that time my sex drive was practically nill. Not because I didn't want sex, but because I didn't want the bad sex I was getting at the time. 

Fast forward a year, the wife and I have rebuilt our marriage and I can't have sex with her enough. 

Ray


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

So... tis you:










Well, tis me:










But my complication isn't in the inability to be turned on - the complication lies in the ability to be turned off easily. For me, tis normal, but for you, guess tis a mystery.

Tis also a mystery for me how men can be aroused easily, but hey, tis life - everyone is different!


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

Mr B said:


> *kicked in with my wife (months before the wedding)* so I just stopped trying and failing to have sex with her after therapy didn't work *and that was over 2 decades ago*. But I do really miss skin to skin contact with women and have a high sex drive even today which has made it all that much more difficult.


Mr B,

So, you and you wife have not had sex in 20 years?!? 

Has she ever spoken about it?


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

T&T said:


> Mr B,
> 
> So, you and you wife have not had sex in 20 years?!?
> 
> Has she ever spoken about it?



5 years into the marriage we discussed having kids. We tried the regular way but it was a disaster. So we went to a fertility clinic and now have two kids. That was 15 years ago and we haven't spoken about it since no.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I've read a couple threads here recently where a guy stated that "we are not light switches" or a wife living a sexless marriage wrote her LD husband made a similar comment. I'm going to be honest here - I can't relate nor can I understand. I am always ready for sex. I seriously thought that almost every other guy was too - with the only exceptions being those who had low T, other chemical/nutritional deficiences or suffered illness.
> 
> No major purpose to this thread aside from stating that while yes, there are guys out there who are a lot like a like switch when it comes to arousal.
> 
> ...


My body is like a light switch. I, from a purely physiological standpoint, could have sex every day, multiple times a day. I've masturbated before 10-15 times within a 24 hour period of time. My body nearly always responds to my wife's even light attention. Typically the more sexual activity my body has, the more sexual activity it craves.

I, however, am not a light switch. Just because my body is "up" for it doesn't mean that I'm going to have sex. I just have learned to say "no" to my body's ever present craving for sexual release.

That kind of control came from years of purposeful celibacy, so I just developed a habit of being able to differentiate physical desire from emotional desire.

Sometimes I just don't want sex. Even if my penis is telling a different tale.

But if I never made that kind of differentiation and just went with my natural libido? It would be a daily, multiple daily, excursion.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

jaquen said:


> My body is like a light switch. I, from a purely physiological standpoint, could have sex every day, multiple times a day. I've masturbated before 10-15 times within a 24 hour period of time. My body nearly always responds to my wife's even light attention. Typically the more sexual activity my body has, the more sexual activity it craves.
> 
> I, however, am not a light switch. Just because my body is "up" for it doesn't mean that I'm going to have sex. I just have learned to say "no" to my body's ever present craving for sexual release.
> 
> ...


As you stated, I have to switch myself off when I'm traveling for work. Even though I could relieve myself, I like to save up a few days worth of anticipation when I am away so that when I get home I enjoy intimacy with my wife all the more.


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