# We argued and he wants nothing to do with me



## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

For him divorce isn't an option. He doesn't want it. Though right now he refuses to have anything to do with me. I would REALLY like to talk about what happened last night, the argument.

What happened was that we were going to have sex, just getting in the mood and stuff in order, when he says something about sticking a vibe in my sweet pot and leaving it there all night long. I don't know why I took it the wrong way, he's said stuff like that numerous times before and never did it. It could have been something in his voice or that I wasn't into it to begin with. Whatever it was we didn't have sex last night, I went to bed with mixed emotions, none happy. 

I don't have a clock in the room I can see when I wake up in the night so I don't know when he came to bed. The only thing I know is that I went back to sleep afterwards, maybe took a quick restroom visit but that's it. At that point we slept on different sides of the bed. After I woke up and took care of kids I went back to him to try and talk. It was at that point and still he refuses to have ANYTHING to do with me. 

My plans were for us to talk and have make-up sex. I should say he's on some anti-psychotics, weaning himself. They were prescribed.

What should I do?


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

Any advice? I'm the most depressed I've been in my whole life. It really is scaring me. I've had suicidal thoughts before but not to this degree.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

x2startermom said:


> Any advice? I'm the most depressed I've been in my whole life. It really is scaring me. I've had suicidal thoughts before but not to this degree.


Get help NOW!!! Please do not harm yourself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Take a moment and breathe. Sit down, calm your mind , make a cup of tea.

Why are you having suicidal thoughts? Are you and hubby fighting every night? It will be ok, please just stay on your thread for now and talk it out.

If you feel really bad call your Dr., thats what their there for!

Hugs wish you weren't hurting so bad!


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

I agree with Thound. Get help now. Don't wait. You said that he is on anti-psychotics and he is weaning himself off. Is this under doctor's orders or is he just doing this because he wants to? To me, it sounds like a severe intervention is needed for both of you. But no matter what you do, just know that harming yourself is not an option to even remotely consider. There is light in the world, no matter how dark it seems now.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

Why are you having suicidal thoughts? 
It seems like no matter what I do it just isn't enough to get him to smile or seem happy. I've been trying to do this for years.

Are you and hubby fighting every night?
No, we don't fight every night. In fact we RARELY have contact with each other. I'm a day person because of kids. He's a night person.


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

x2startermom said:


> For him divorce isn't an option. He doesn't want it. Though right now he refuses to have anything to do with me. I would REALLY like to talk about what happened last night, the argument.
> 
> What happened was that we were going to have sex, just getting in the mood and stuff in order, when he says something about sticking a vibe in my sweet pot and leaving it there all night long. I don't know why I took it the wrong way, he's said stuff like that numerous times before and never did it. It could have been something in his voice or that I wasn't into it to begin with. Whatever it was we didn't have sex last night, I went to bed with mixed emotions, none happy.
> 
> ...


He shouldn't wean himself off of his medications. I'd call his physician, since his mood is probably related to not taking his meds. Do you suffer from depression? Are you medication? Either way you need to see a physician. A spat with your husband shouldn't send you into thoughts of suicide.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

I have suffered depression in the past about twice before this. I'm not on any meds.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Sorry your here. I understand the nothing is ever good enough, i get that too and lately I have tried just making myself a bit happy. Its hard when your both in the room and no ones talking. Your mind races of things to say or do to please the other or have some kind of conversation. 

I started doing more things with the kids, I go to a weekly group where you just express your feelings and whats going on in life, that I really enjoy. Started yoga back up.

It is super tiring and depressing when you don't feel loved. A lot of this prob. has to do with his disorder and medication. Some anti psch. Meds just zone you out, take away the ability to feel much. So it really could have a lot to do with his meds.

I know its hard but make an appointment to talk to someone. If you dont have the money look in your area for free support groups.

The way your feeling, hopeless and full of despair is very crippling. I wish I knew a way to make you feel better instantly. Work on slowly doing things that make you happy, detach a little so it doesn't hurt so much.

Take the kids for nature hikes or the local pool. Do some things for just you and the kids.

I have been where you have its dark and hopeless, but you can get out and start having some better days. I didn't think I could go on without my husband. I found out I can, sometimes you just need to ask for some help.

Im not a great advice giver so I hope some of this gives you some ideas. Maybe there will be a change after the medications wear off, but could take his personality years to stabalize.

If you want to talk im here for the day and will check back frequently to see how your days going.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

x2startermom said:


> I have suffered depression in the past about twice before this. I'm not on any meds.


Do you think you should try some ad? Even going to health store for st. Johns wort, vit d, vitc, vit b12, seem to help me.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

ad what's that?


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Antidepressant. They work for some people pretty good.

Your children need there mom so much so don't check out on them.

No man or woman is worth your life.

Is your husband suppose to get off his anti psychotic medication? That can be scary if hes just going off them because he doesn't want to take them anymore. He can end up psychotic.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I am very sorry that you find yourself where you are.

I suffered from depression when young, had a major breakdown (could not work for a year). You can get past it but it may take time. Hang in there.

Best wishes.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

Totally off subject but if your home and you don't know what to do with yourself, it's kinda fun to go on ebay and pick womans perfume ( or whatever you like) put in .99 cents and free shipping. I get some good deals, it passes time, and its pretty fun. Just a thought.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

x2startermom said:


> Why are you having suicidal thoughts?
> 
> It seems like no matter what I do it just isn't enough to get him to smile or seem happy. I've been trying to do this for years.


You are not in control of his happiness. He is. Let it go. You are only responsible for your own happiness; he is not.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

I don't know. He told me that his doc told 'em if he started to feel even more depressed go off of 'em. But he hasn't even been on 'em a full week.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

He's most likely lying. What is his diagnosis? 
If you feel suicidal please call someone, even 911 if you have to.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

What medication is it? Anti depressants and anti psch. are totally diff. The doctor would most likely change the dose or medication not tell him to not take medication at all, if he is diagnosed with something.

Are you doing o.k.?


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

I'm doing a lot better. We talked and have somewhat smoothed things over. As for his medication, anti-psych. I don't know his diagnosis but the only thing I do know for certain is that he is psychotic.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

I'm glad to hear you're doing better. I've suffered a lot with depression in my life. I'm Bipolar II. I have been treated with anti-psychotic meds...not because I was psychotic but because some of those meds work well with stabilizing people with Bipolar.

That being said, it is possible his doctor told him something about going off the meds if he feels worse. Some of these medications can have the opposite effect and cause suicidal feelings. HOWEVER, if he IS having that effect, he should not simply take himself off the meds. He needs to call his psych and let his psych know what is happening. Frequently, they will admit you into a psych ward for a short stint...just to safely take you off the medicine.

You said, "I do know for certain that he is psychotic."

Are you saying he's experiencing CURRENT psychosis? Because if he is, he needs to be seen right away by a psychiatrist. And your kids should not be around a parent in psychosis.

My mother was frequently in psychosis when I was a kid. It's traumatic.

It's also traumatic for YOU.

You are shouldering a heavy burden, and it's no wonder you're feeling down.

You cannot make a mentally ill person happy. Sometimes even the best minds in medicine cannot conspire to make that happen. 

You can love your husband. You can support him in getting healthy. That is ALL you can do.

Release yourself from the chains of being responsible for his happiness.

I know my husband cannot, no matter how he might want to, stop me from cycling. He can only love me through it.

But before he can love me through it, he has to take care of him. If he's a mess, how can he help me? He can't.

You can't either. You have to be whole yourself before you can even begin trying to help him become whole.

I know this is a lot. I know it's a huge burden. Just know that your husband isn't do this on purpose. If he's mentally ill, he cannot control that. I know, growing up, I wanted to scream at both my parents (both mentally ill) "JUST STOP IT!" If it were only so easy, I'm sure they would have. I'm sure the same is true of your husband. My point is, it is easy and natural to feel a lot of resentment toward a mentally ill loved one. Work on forgiving his illness. Any anger you have (which is 100% understandable) is only contributing to your depression.

Don't give up. When my depression has gotten really bad, I sometimes tell myself, "I love my kids enough to die for them. Now I have to love them enough to live for them." They NEED you. Don't give up.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

x2startermom said:


> As for his medication, anti-psych. I don't know his diagnosis but *the only thing I do know for certain is that he is psychotic*.


Well, anything is possible, Startermom. But it seems very unlikely -- if your H were actually _psychotic -- _that you would come here complaining that he misinterpreted your reaction to his joke about using a vibrator.

Rather, with a psychotic H, you should be complaining that he believes the TV news reporter is speaking to him personally. Or you should be complaining that he is afraid that the planes flying overhead on spying on him -- or that your dog is a ravenous, man-eating wolf. 

With psychosis, a man's perception of physical reality is severely distorted. Hence, if you were married to a psychotic H, you would be married to a crazy man. This means you would have a lot more to complain about than his silence following your cold reception to his vibrator joke.

Significantly, anti-psychotics are increasingly used to treat non-psychotic disorders such as bipolar or treatment-resistant depression or anxiety. I therefore am far more concerned about YOUR depression being so severe that you felt suicidal. I therefore join other respondents -- Thound, Zatol, and Diwali -- in advising you to see a professional (ideally, a psychiatrist) who can treat your depression.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

He keeps telling me he's psychotic. Also he is paranoid about EVERYTHING. He consistently thinks that there are people after him. He's at his worse when it comes to groups of people. Odd that he's okay with family.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Living with a person who suffers from mental illness (as I presume you H does, as he's on anti-psychotic meds) can eventually cause depression in that person if they don't have their own support systems. I suggest you visit your doctor and get referred for counseling. I also suggest that you speak with your H's doctor about his meds and behaviour.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

x2startermom said:


> He keeps telling me he's psychotic. Also he is paranoid about EVERYTHING.


Really? Why is it that, in the 16 threads you've started, you've never mentioned his psychosis before? Why did you not mention it at the outset in this thread, instead of simply complaining about him being quiet following your reaction to his vibrator comment?

More important, is this another case of your H posting in this forum using your name? I ask because you say he was doing exactly that in one of your older threads at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/11246-subbmision-hubby.html#post127025.


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

No but he is known to post as me, which drive me bonkers. As for the why I didn't mention his psychosis to begin with, because it hasn't been an issue till recently. It hasn't affect him as much as it has these past two weeks, since he started his meds.


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## iBolt (Aug 28, 2012)

I am sorry to read about your predicament. How old are your children? How is your husband with the kids? How are you coping with looking after your children? 

I ask these questions because the kids might be taking a hit as a result of H's mental health and quite frankly, yours too without either one of you guys realising it. Please release yourself of the responsibility for your husband's happiness. Get out and do something you enjoy. Are you able to confirm that the doctor asked him to come off meds?

Take care of yourself. Look out for the children. Reach out for help. PLEASE. I am seriously concerned that you're quite focused on your husband's alleged psychotic condition (for which you may right), but you don't seem overly worried about your own unstable predicament. This lack of insight is troubling. 

You're in my prayers. Stay well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

How old are your children? 4yrs old are the twins and then 1.5yr girl.
How is your husband with the kids? 1/2 of the time he's actually pretty good with them. Normally he looses it when he hasn't gotten much sleep for a few days. 
How are you coping with looking after your children? I'll admit for the most part I avoid 'em. Though this week will be the start of something different. We've got to move so I'm going to try and get the kiddos involved. 
Are you able to confirm that the doctor asked him to come off meds? No. He has to have the doc allow me to see his file. Been that way since we got married.


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## iBolt (Aug 28, 2012)

x2startermom said:


> How old are your children? 4yrs old are the twins and then 1.5yr girl.
> How is your husband with the kids? 1/2 of the time he's actually pretty good with them. Normally he looses it when he hasn't gotten much sleep for a few days.
> How are you coping with looking after your children? I'll admit for the most part I avoid 'em. Though this week will be the start of something different. We've got to move so I'm going to try and get the kiddos involved.
> Are you able to confirm that the doctor asked him to come off meds? No. He has to have the doc allow me to see his file. Been that way since we got married.


x2SM. There is a BIG problem here iMHO. So your husband's good with kids half the time and you try to avoid them which begs the question- who is CARING for the children? I plead with you to, please and without another second's delay to go and get some help for yourself right now. For the sake of your innocent children. They deserve a safe and loving environment. Are you and your husband not running the risk of losing your kids at this rate. 

From my experience with ex wife with a very serious mental health problem, sleeplessness exacerbates her condition and was often a sign that a relapse was on its way. I recently heard s radio documentary about a scientific study which found that improved sleep and sleep patterns reduced the occurrence of paranioa and hallucinations in some mental health patients. So trying to help him get good sleep might help. 

Question - do you/and the children sleep well? 

The house move is probably not going to make things easier I guess. 

My heart goes out to you and your husband. Stay positive. I know you'll do great as you do your part for the team. God bless you all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## x2startermom (Jan 8, 2010)

The kids and I get good sleep.


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