# Mister Nice Guy - Rock Star



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Over 8400 views of MNG's marital strife

A paltry 3800 for the "Man Up and Nice Guy Reference" sticky.

Who thinks MNG's thread ought to be a sticky?


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## thussa (Dec 15, 2010)

Aye Aye!


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

In all honesty, it would show a close textbook example of how most people handle their SO during the confrontation stage of the affair. MNGs reactions are in truth almost textbook.

No offense, MNG! Most of us have been exactly there, which is why some posters got frustrated with you early on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

OK, If I'm a textbook example, keep it up there for everyone to learn from. I almost feel like writing a book about this. I can tell you this is far from over, although I don't think it will be at the same intensity as the past week. There will be plenty of twists and turns as time goes on. If I were a betting man, I only give it even odds that I can pull this out at this point, which is a pretty crappy bet if you ask me. Ask me in a week and the odds will probably change... not sure which direction though...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think the way you turned around is the most important aspect of your journey. It so important, from what I read of the men and women dealing with a cheating spouse the formula and stages of dealing with it is effective if applied. Either the disloyal spouse sees the light or they leave. Ether way the ls avoids the misery of being cranked around and suffering for a prolonged period of time. O
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

I went back and read the first few pages of the thread and I remember where I was back 12 days ago and even 2-3 weeks ago and I think there was still hope in my mind. Funny thing is although I don't think this affair was that deep or long, my wife completely took it hook, line and sinker in the matter of a couple of weeks. I really can't find evidence of an affair before that and it just exploded in her mind about three weeks ago! It's amazing how quickly the switch to the affair brain goes off and stays there for a long time...


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

See--I have a WHOLE different way of seeing things. I was thinking: 

MR. NICE GUY










ROCK STAR​


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

Thanks! I don't look anything like that though... much taller, skinnier and in better shape... Funny thing is in my industry, people do consider me a kind of rock star to the point of autographs and adulation! Some day I'll reveal, but many of you will be nonplussed.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MisterNiceGuy said:


> Thanks! I don't look anything like that though... much taller, skinnier and in better shape... Funny thing is in my industry, people do consider me a kind of rock star to the point of autographs and adulation! Some day I'll reveal, but many of you will be nonplussed.


10,800 page views for Mr. Nice Guy

3,900 for his Nice Guy Reference

The people have spoken!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

MisterNiceGuy said:


> Thanks! I don't look anything like that though... much taller, skinnier and in better shape... Funny thing is in my industry, people do consider me a kind of rock star to the point of autographs and adulation! Some day I'll reveal, but many of you will be nonplussed.


are you Ted Nugent?


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I LOVE Jack Black!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Affaircare said:


> See--I have a WHOLE different way of seeing things. I was thinking:


GAH! What movie was that?


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> GAH! What movie was that?


School of Rock.
I love Jack Black.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

credamdóchasgra said:


> School of Rock.
> I love Jack Black.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This thread is not the greatest thread in the world. No, this is just a tribute.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Draguna said:


> This thread is not the greatest thread in the world. No, this is just a tribute.


:rofl:


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Yeah really--get ahold of yourselves, it's just a recognition of MNG and his matchless thread. We view--we care--he's taught us all a lot! 

But I mean, it's not like we met someone *REALLY famous*, like that glorious STUD from Brutal Legend: 










Or a deeply handsome rock-n-roller of near godlike physique: 









(Is that Tanelorn? Santa? Or Jerry??? ) :rofl:


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

AC, you are so funny!


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Again I ask! How did you find my picture!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Now, nearly 20,700 page views (at least 5-700 of those are from my mouse alone!) and over 830 posts!

Rock On MisterNiceGuy!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Now, nearly 20,700 page views (at least 5-700 of those are from my mouse alone!) and over 830 posts!
> 
> Rock On MisterNiceGuy!


22,800 plus page views as the assembled masses await his next cyberspace utterance!


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

Why did my thread become so popular. Surely I'm not the only one going through this crap!?!?


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

I think because you had so many of us chiming in, and your actions were textbook, her reactions were textbook and you were so open to share each step and each revelation with us.

It would be interesting to see how her reactions change in response to some of the suggestions we have proposed if we can get enough fire in your pants to execute in an indifferent manner. 

BTW - don't think all of us who post to you are out of the woods ourselves! I'm still working through issues with my wife - but I know what has worked and what hasn't. And I suspenct my wife is twice as difficult as MEM's!!!!!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

eagleclaw said:


> I think because you had so many of us chiming in, and your actions were textbook, her reactions were textbook and you were so open to share each step and each revelation with us.
> 
> It would be interesting to see how her reactions change in response to some of the suggestions we have proposed if we can get enough fire in your pants to execute in an indifferent manner.
> 
> BTW - don't think all of us who post to you are out of the woods ourselves! I'm still working through issues with my wife - but I know what has worked and what hasn't. And I suspenct my wife is twice as difficult as MEM's!!!!!


I have hope that MNG has finally given up.

Apparently, that's the only way for him to frame an effective message to her.


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

My only worry is she, when faced with a little discomfort - will immediatly do another short term about face to ease the situation for herself and get her safety net back, and MNG will see it as "things starting to turn around" and immediately cave.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

eagleclaw said:


> My only worry is she, when faced with a little discomfort - will immediatly do another short term about face to ease the situation for herself and get her safety net back, and MNG will see it as "things starting to turn around" and immediately cave.


Maybe he'll think about what he's just learned.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

We all know this stuff’s not easy. In fact I think it one of the biggest trials and challenges we face in our lives.

There’s a big difference between information and knowledge. We don’t get knowledge by reading information, what’s posted here. We get knowledge through experience, hands on, real world experience.

We communicate our knowledge, our experience, by giving information. But that information doesn’t make a lot of sense to those that don’t have the knowledge, the experience. Only by going through these things ourselves in our own time does it all really begin to make any kind of sense.

I think that’s why “new comers” seem to be blind and deaf to the “information” provided here. It’s something that has to be experienced before it’s understood.

Bob


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bob,

There's quite a chasm between intellectually pondering a concept (even conceding that it makes sense) and emotionally "knowing" that same concept.

You can tell who "gets it" and who doesn't by the number of excuses/rationalizations proferred as to why this or that situation is "unique".

I can think of no one who clung more tightly to his view that his wife would "snap out of it" than MisterNiceGuy.

And, as long as that was his foremost belief (that his wife would snap out of it), it prevented him from doing the very things most likely to achieve that outcome.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Conrad I don’t see MNG as being unique in any way. In “Coping with Infidelity” there are many marathon threads. I can’t actually recall any LS having that eureka or epiphany moment, not one.

In fact out of everything I’ve read on TAM about these things the only success I’ve seen, and it is a few, is with the 180. It seems the LSs who do that get a good result from their trials and tribulations.

I for one just don't go with the DS being in a fog. In fact I think if there's any fog around it's the LS whose in it!

Bob


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

AFEH,

Time and again, whether she cried, threw him a bone, blamed him, or deflected responsibility, he only "heard" that she wanted to save the marriage.

In the abstract, perhaps he's right.

But, actions speak louder than words.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Conrad said:


> AFEH,
> 
> Time and again, whether she cried, threw him a bone, blamed him, or deflected responsibility, he only "heard" that she wanted to save the marriage.
> 
> ...


It can take a while to sink in. Don't we all know what it's like with the woman we love and the mother of our children?

And there's loads of dependencies in MNG's situation. 

Bob


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

I think as I've gone through this, it has taken a long time for this stuff to sink in and now it is becoming old hat and i can deal with it better. The other thing is that is takes way longer than you expect to resolve things. You think you can turn things around in days and it really will take months or longer to figure it all out. Also, it ebbs and flows back and forth and one day you think you have a handle on it and the next it seems out of control.

If I would counsel someone in my shoes it would be:

- It take longer than you realize to figure this crap out.
- Seek professional help
- Have infinite patience
- Take in everything you hear here at TAM with a grain of salt. 
- Every situation is different. 
- It's hard to implement these things in the heat of the battle especially if you've never been here before.
- Stay fit.
- Listen to your wife. I mean really listen to every word. But don't believe half of what you hear.
- Don't drink and talk about this stuff, it only leads to more problems.

I could go on, but it would fill pages and I've wasted my share of megabytes on this stuff...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

>>Take in everything you hear here at TAM with a grain of salt.<<

I usually try not to insult people who genuinely try to help me.

But, to each his own.


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

Conrad said:


> >>Take in everything you hear here at TAM with a grain of salt.<<
> 
> I usually try not to insult people who genuinely try to help me.
> 
> But, to each his own.


Conrad, I appreciate all the help! You may have a wealth of experience, but like all advice we must all choose our own path. Some get it right away, some later and some never. I get what you guys tell me to do but it takes a while to sink in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MisterNiceGuy said:


> Conrad, I appreciate all the help! You may have a wealth of experience, but like all advice we must all choose our own path. Some get it right away, some later and some never. I get what you guys tell me to do but it takes a while to sink in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm just one of many grains of salt.


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## code7600 (Mar 20, 2011)

I understand what MNG is saying about a grain of salt.
I didn't think he causes offense.
There are many voices here, almost all are totally helpful. However the approach will vary with the person. eg Hard 180 vs. moderation and sensitivity. The recipient of the advice must consider the counsel.
The "a/k/a insane" thread for sdcmike has a lot of examples.

I wish I'd found a place like this or a good counselor when 
I got separated and divorced after my wife's EA then PA.
Could have possibly stopped the EA had I not been clueless.

---
"What we have here is a failure to communicate." The Captain


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

I can say that if I didn't have this forum I would have been clueless also and probably had no chance here. Now I feel I have a fighting chance although we are far from finished.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

Well that's certainly interesting.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

With the latest surge, he blasts over 1000 posts and is closing in on 30,000 page views!

He should have his own Facebook page so we could all "like" him!

Mr. Nice Guy - Rock Star!

He's gone viral.


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

Oh jeez... has my thread broken some kind of record??? Maybe I should get TAM to start paying me! Maybe I'll write a book...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

MisterNiceGuy said:


> Oh jeez... has my thread broken some kind of record??? Maybe I should get TAM to start paying me! Maybe I'll write a book...


Books are so yesterday.

The Facebook page is a must.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

MisterNiceGuy said:


> Oh jeez... has my thread broken some kind of record??? Maybe I should get TAM to start paying me! Maybe I'll write a book...


You won't get that passed Chris. The best the mods can ever hope for is to get to use the TAM Porsche once in a while. In reality it's a 1974 Dodge Dart!!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> You won't get that passed Chris. The best the mods can ever hope for is to get to use the TAM Porsche once in a while. In reality it's a 1974 Dodge Dart!!


An avocado green, Dodge Dart ...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Deejo said:


> An avocado green, Dodge Dart ...


Yah, but a smoke'n Craig PowerPlay 8-Track. Caa-chunk


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