# Fackbooking and relationship



## needhelps (Mar 22, 2012)

*Should I continue with him?*

My story is pretty long and complicated, thanks for taking time for reading. I have been dating a guy (J) for about a year (from Feb 2011), he was my previous coworker, we have been knowing each other for 4-5 yrs, he was a nice guy, but he was not my type in the beginning since I knew he had a long term (about 19-20 yrs) girlfriend and they had 4 kids together, from what we talked during those yrs (either we worked at the same company or after we both left the company), he told me that his relationship with his gf had a lot of problems,he wanted to get married with her, but she didn't want to. his gf didn't work, didn't do house work, only shopping and clubbing, dating other guys everyday, anyway he was NOT happy about his relationship, and I found he was not the tough guy like i thought before, since he had been really nice to me in the past yrs, so I thought I could make his gf jealous and help them to get married. so I started going out with him since last yr Feb, at that time I had my bf T who lives 2000 miles away, T flew over every weekend to visit me, and I was kinda looking to get out of the relationship with T. I wasn't totally cut off with T when I was seeing J, but I didn't let T visit me in the first 2 months of dating with J, and soon I found i fell in love with J while I was still emotionally attached to T. 

J was very into me, stayed almost everyday at my house and wanted to move in at that time, but I wasn't sure if I was ready and I was not sure if I could handle his family situation, and I couldn't hold longer not to let T's visiting me, when J found out that T visited me in a weekend of April, he was so sad and he went to the city hall and got married with his gf on Tuesday after that weekend. if the story ended here, then there will be no more problems, however we both still loved each other very much, after 3rd day of his marriage, J and I got together again, we spent every day together, he pretty much lived at my house, we did enjoy our time together, he wanted to file divorce a few times, but I was not very supportive, I told him if you think divorce is good for you, then do it, he called it off. i I was struggling b/w the 2 guys, it was very tough for me to choose anyone, T or J, and I felt I wasn't 100% satisfied with either one, so i was looking online tried to find someone could replace both, and I didn't have to pick either J or T. on my Facebook filtered out some pics and status of me and J from a few people (one guy who i used to date, but we are now friends, others from work), I didn't want them know too much about my dating thing. I broke up with T on the phone a few times, he still sent me emails or text msgs sometimes. when I had fight with J, I was thinking of T that he knew how to lead the conversation to a happy ending, in the last yr August, T flew over again, I picked him up from SFO and drove him to his hotel, then we had a dinner, we didn't kiss and didn't have sex, we were just talking and catching up. 

J found out that 1)T and I still had contacts 2)I was online looking, 3) my filter on Facebook, he was angry and sad,he thinks that I was dishonest and i was a liar (I feel sorry and guilty about that ), we fought a lot, but we were still together, T and I occasionally had some contacting, but now he is totally out of my picture. 

Now I am so in love with J, want to get married with him, we committed and engaged even he is still in marriage, he bought me a beautiful engagement diamond ring. now the problem is coming, I found out that on his Facebook, he hides our pics and status from 15-20 girls, and he is very active with a bunch of girls on Facebook, most of those girls are living in far away, east costs, philippine and Malaysia, Vietnam or some other countries he doesn't know those girls in person, a couple months ago I suggested a few times to remove our both filters, he didn't take it, I am not happy about it, and asking if he felt shame on dating me, he said nope, he said we needed rebuild our trust, I told him: okay,its fine with me, I could wait you to get divorce but I won't wait you to fooling round with other girls while being with me. This Tuesday night we had a big fight about Facebook thing, I offered again we sit down and remove the filters, and don't hide anything, he refused, his excuse was he was doing that after me, then he left with all his clothes and stuff from my house, he blocks me from his Facebook activity, only 4-5 posts are visible to me, and I did the something get back to him, I know i was too childish at this point, but I am very sad and angry, I still love him, and I know he still loves me, now we are in the edge of the breaking up, I am not sure what to do? let him go or continue with him, please help me out.

Thanks,
needhelps


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he can't be honest on something as simple as Facebook, why the heck do you want to be with him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Add to the fact that he is STILL married.


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## needhelps (Mar 22, 2012)

Thanks for replay! We had a quiet few fights about facebooking recently, he said those girls were not his gf, okay I believe it, I told him if you hid me from your ex girlfriends, I understood it, but I was not happy you hid me from a list of girls on Facebook, if you wanted to keep your options open then this relationship is meaningless to me, and I don't want to have a meaningless relationship, I don't take someone who is not ready for me, I gave him the ring back before he left Tuesday night. but my heart is bleeding, don't know what to do, should I move on? I still love him. continue with him? I can't put up the fact that he is flirting and hopes to lead something in future.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Have you ever considered a third alternative? JUST BEING ALONE? You do not need a man (or men) in your life to be fulfilled. Get to know yourself, date here and there, but just be free! 

Think of it, no drama, no spying, no Facebook checking, no other women, just you living your life by YOUR rules. This will help you grow and be emotionally stronger.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wait a minute ... he's married?? I missed that part. If that's the case, move on yesterday. Im betting his problems with his wife were due to the same thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Leave J, he's married. If you hook up and marry him, chances are he'll do the same thing to you. 

Leave both guys actually. Then find someone new, just one though, not two guys to date.


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## needhelps (Mar 22, 2012)

the problem is I am still in love with him, hard for me not to think about him


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Rule #1: Never get involved with married people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And why did you 'get engaged' knowing he has a wife??!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## needhelps (Mar 22, 2012)

he doesnt love her, and from what I have known him for yrs before our dating, he complaint that the wife was lazy and how nice he was to her, besides since we dating, he was almost everyday live at my place, his wife, 4 kids, and his mom live in a new house that he just bought last yr, and other houses he bought are all rent out, he had no place to live, and I think he will divorce, he tried it last yr, but I did not well support him because i was not ready, now Im ready and engaged with him, but I feel he has been changed, and he is looking around. what a bad timing!


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

He is looking around. He is a serial cheater. Leopards don't lose their spots. If he were to divorce and you were to marry him, he would have other women and you would be in his current wife's place very quickly. He would be complaining about you and belittling you to them just like he complains about his current wife to you.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

He repeatedly badmouths his GF and then goes and marries her anyway?Sounds like it was B.S. to get close to you.How much can you really love J anyway,when you said you went online to find someone to replace J and T.Get to know yourself better before you complicate the crap out of your life any further.


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## mavic (Mar 23, 2012)

On the contrary, she is the cheater. J got involved with Needshelp as a single guy. He had no idea she was in a bad long distance relationship. Some old guy, T, older than her father who bought her expensive stuff and paid her car payments. I mean who intentionally looks online for a long (2000 miles) distance relationship?? She had already cheat on T several times with her ex-boyfriend. 

In any case, J falls in love with Needshelp in Feb. He pretty much lives with her, spending every moment and night with her. Come April, she tells him her son is staying with her for the weekend, a son she never mentioned to J who has known her for 5yrs. Something sounds wrong, so J pays a surprise visit Sunday morning to get his heart broken when he finds out she slept with this old guy T. This appears to be the time to end it but somehow J and Needshelp get back together after she promises they are done. a few months later this happens again, and again. Of course she promises its over. So FINALLY in July, she tells the old guy T about J and supposedly breaks up. Not so, they remain in contact and J finds a Hyatt parking ticket in her car in August where she met with the old guy T in his hotel room...she says nothing happened but whatever. Again she pleads and promises she is done with him but J finds out shes been talking to him almost daily in January.

As for the facebook filters, for the entire 1yr, Needshelp keeps all her ex-boyfriends on a secret filter so they cannot see all the stuff she does with J. So a few months ago J starts his only filter but these are harmless girls who he has never dated out of spite.

As for the marriage, J left his long time live in girlfriend of 19yrs when he fell in love with Needshelp. However after the 2nd time she cheated on J, he had to go back to her because he was lonely, hurt and had no one else. The only way he could go back to his longtime girlfriend was to marry her as she wanted security since there was a lot of assets in cash and he owned 6 houses and a large new boat. This marriage was a mistake and J filed papers to divorce but Needshelp did not support him since she was still involved with the old guy T  

dont make J look like the bad guy. She constantly flirts with her ex-boyfriends online and was still contacting other guys from an online dating site while she was with T and J!! Needshelp really needs help. 

How can J trust her after all the lying, cheating, deception? How many times did she cheat on him? this story only portrays the times she got caught. When you live with someone for a year, it is almost impossible to hide and deceive your partner, cheaters always get caught


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

Sounds like J and needshelp are both the bad guys. They should cut ties.


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## needhelps (Mar 22, 2012)

@mavic, first T is not older than her dad. second, you knew that she had a bf at that time and you asked her to buy some time for you two, and she did. T only visited her 3 times in last yr, the last one was in Aug, and nothing happened. 3rd, you knew she was struggling b/w you and T, she didnt know who to pick with at that time, and you cant blame she was looking online.

As T paid for her car payment, when they were dating, T visited her 3-4 times a month, he offered to pay some costs for his staying at her place so he didnt need to pay for rental car and hotel, he suggested to rent a room from her (like $800), and she said he only stayed 4 days a month, he didnt need to rent to room, then she let him to take care of her car payment ($440). 

for Facebook filters, doesnt matter who did first, the fact is once engaged, then both people should open, shouldnot hide anything, should not keep a list of potential girl friends as backup, should not get online dating site to chat with girls, and asked girls to ping him for a date. 

The fact is She doesnt flirt online and offline since they engaged.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^^ That entire post is trying to justify something that at its base level was wrong: you cheated on T forever with J and J cheated on his now-wife with you.

Just stop. Seriously. Grow up. And move on.

Has it occurred to you that he may not want to show he's in a relationship with YOU on his Facebook because um, well, he's still MARRIED??? 

Of course he said his wife sucks. That's what all people do who are having an affair. It ain't rocket science.



mavic said:


> Needshelp really needs help.


:iagree: And a long time of being single to sort out why she's so attracted to disastrous/unhealthy things.


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## needhelps (Mar 22, 2012)

*Re: Facebooking and relationship*

His wife is not on his Facebook, and he hid things from other 15-20 girls.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And? Whether his wife is on or not is irrelevant. He's married to his WIFE, not you.

Dude. You need to seriously see this for what it is.

Like your name says, need help, get help.


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