# Neither here nor there



## naina99 (Sep 1, 2017)

I want to separate from my spouse but he doesn't. 
Don't know where to start but I am from Indian origin and had an arranged marriage 6 years ago. If you know anything about India, it means marriages are suppose to work, no matter what.

With in a year I realized his habit of flirting with other women, doing sexual role play with them online etc etc. I wasn't really happy but he never paid attention to that. His demands from me about the house, sex, financial contribution towards house etc, kept increasing.
I started losing interest, specially when he stopped paying attention to why I am getting uncomfortable with his online so called FRIENDS!
His argument was, he's not going out and seeing those girls and sexual role plays dont hurt. he never realized they hurt me. We had a lot of fights about this. As a result I started paying more attention to my grad studies and job prospects then him and the house.
I completed school and started working as an engineer for reputed firm.
I had a couple of friends and one of the guy became a really good friend of mine.
I confided in him about the issues I had and he seemed to understand them.
Long story short, my husband never liked him because of the fact that he seemed to be protective about me. my husband always accused him of trying to have an affair with me. We had lot of fights around this. I am no longer in contact with that guy but my husband kept telling about all of this to his mother. She loves to enter in anything that goes on between us as a couple and that irritates me to the core.
On top of all this, he kept threatening me about how our marriage is on 6 months trial always because according to him i dont pay attention to our sex life or i am over the top angry with him always. those threats naturally never helped improve anything.
Last threat came 2 months ago and i was really tired of it, I decided i want to talk to my parents about this (since arranged marriage and all that) and want to make a decision once and for all. My husband actually never thought i had a courage to pull the plug and i would do it so fast.
But his threats, his mothers interference and finally after that fight his father's accusation that I had AN AFFAIR with my friend in school, all of this really helped in taking the decision that I don't want this anymore.
Once my husband realized I am almost out of the door, he started crying and apologizing and said he wants me to stay and he will do anything to change my mind.
He cried his heart out and said he wants to change and he will try his best. His parents both apologized as well.
Trouble and confusion starts when my family wants me to forget everything and start a fresh with him which I am unable to do.
even after giving me the advise to stick around, my parents still said they would be by my side, in whatever i decide eventually.
I have a stubborn personality and I dont forget things easily. I just can't forget all that happened and now start behaving as if everything is alright.
I am still live with him and trying to figure out what should I do. my heart melted when he apologized and cried but nothing seemed to have changed in his personality since then, except he has stopped pushing me to do thing i dont want to.
But i can't forget what his father did. I can't tolerate the questions he raised on my character. and I gave 6 years of my life to this! I cant do this anymore. I want to decide something. Either pull the plug and call it a day or to actually move on with him and try to forget things, but i am not so sure.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Are you both currently situated in the United States?*


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## naina99 (Sep 1, 2017)

Yes we are.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

naina99 said:


> I want to separate from my spouse but he doesn't.
> Don't know where to start but I am from Indian origin and had an arranged marriage 6 years ago. If you know anything about India, it means marriages are suppose to work, no matter what.
> 
> With in a year I realized his habit of flirting with other women, doing sexual role play with them online etc etc. I wasn't really happy but he never paid attention to that. His demands from me about the house, sex, financial contribution towards house etc, kept increasing.
> ...


Tell your WH, he puts a foot wrong again and doesn't stop all the online stuff, you will expose him to his parents immediately and walk out the door and get a divorce. Make sure you keep your job and keep money aside, you may need it.
I understand the Indian thing about pretending nothing has happened. You should consider MC first.

Take time away from both families and maybe your WH and think about what it is YOU actually want and do it, stop listening to all the voices.


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## Fishnbuddy (Sep 3, 2017)

My wife filed on Me with a rule nisi which is a restraining order from the judge and I have to pay all the bills and stay away from her can't call her or communicate in anyway I have been paying the bills now for one year and six months my divorce is almost over though.. I lost everything house car married 25 years . I gave her everything now I am on my own and I am happier so do it let it go don't waste time let it go now


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## naina99 (Sep 1, 2017)

Thank you all for the response. My mother is diagnosed with cancer which puts all other troubles on hold, but I value your inputs. Thank you.


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## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

naina99 said:


> Thank you all for the response. My mother is diagnosed with cancer which puts all other troubles on hold, but I value your inputs. Thank you.


I'm so sorry to hear this. I've gone through both parents having cancer and it's the worst. Please take care of yourself during this time and try not to take any BS from your husband. I have many friends/co-workers who were married the same way you were so I understand the culture. Don't let that stifle you once you feel ready.


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