# My husband is gay please help



## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

Been married for 6 1/2 yrs two Kids 4 & 1, about 5 months ago hubby said he was thinking of cheating, so we had a threesome with my friend (girl) 5 times. Didn't help our relationship, needless to say a lot of things happened, never had a great marriage to start with. Married I was 18 he was 23, we were calling it quits 2 months ago, I thought H had a gf, boy was I wrong, so I started talking to someone nothing happened, H found out and freaked. Then he dropped a bombshell he was gay and had been gay the day he married me. He's had 10 male partners before me I'm the 3rd girl. Never thought, he started being himself & I realized how much he worked to cover up, we like the same shows and music, but didn't want to watch them, basically my husband turned into a teenage girl, he says he wants to be with me, is sexually attracted to men, not women. He says he enjoys sex w/me, but likes sex better with men, so I started being a guy in bed, bought a strap on, it's ok I guess, I'm just freaked out, he lied for so long, just scared I am going to wake up one day and he'll be gone. Any advice or similar situations would be appreciated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Well your husband is bi so there`s hope I guess.

How has he reacted to you being more masculine?

You`re going to have to clarify your boundaries to each other after this admission.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

That was a bomb shell.




kc8 said:


> He's had 10 male partners before me I'm the 3rd
> girl .


 Has he told you how many male partners he’s has since he married you? I doubt he has not had any.


Are you freaked out about you using the strap on and acting like a guy during sex? Is he satisfying you sexually now that he’s come out? Or is sex all about him being gay now?

You do not feel comfortable about all this at all. If you are not, it’s going to do a real number on you emotionally.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> That was a bomb shell.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

This is just an amazing story. I just find it hard to believe people are out there like this. I wish you the best, but you need to think about staying in this relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

I'm not looking to end my marriage & neither is my husband he's not asking for an open marriage, he's just asking for me to fill that sexual void in his life. So any ideas or advice would be appreciated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

kc8 said:


> I'm not looking to end my marriage & neither is my husband he's not asking for an open marriage, he's just asking for me to fill that sexual void in his life. So any ideas or advice would be appreciated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you are committed to staying in the marriage, you likely will be exploring new ground so unless you can contact the writer for "Shameless" who penned the part of the show devoted to this sort of behavior,you probably will soon be the expert in how to pull this off successfully.:scratchhead:


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

so he wants you to be his wife while he fvcks men??? Is that what youre saying? Are you willing to do that? Will that suck your soul dry?


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

No, he wants me to use toys and take the roll of a man in bed at times. He does not want to bring anyone in our marriage, he's just sexually attracted to men. But I am a woman & have no clue how to give him what he wants
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

kc8 said:


> No, he wants me to use toys and take the roll of a man in bed at times. He does not want to bring anyone in our marriage, he's just sexually attracted to men. But I am a woman & have no clue how to give him what he wants
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is that gonna be 'enough' for him to be faithful to you?


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

kc8 said:


> No, he wants me to use toys and take the roll of a man in bed at times. He does not want to bring anyone in our marriage, he's just sexually attracted to men. But I am a woman & have no clue how to give him what he wants
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is a big ask. Your husband should have been upfront with you when you got married.

This is one of the reasons why I hate homophobia so much. This guy should have felt free to be honest about his sexuality at the beginning.

You don't (I presume) look, act or smell like a man so he will be using his imagination to a large degree. Sex is about hormones and pheromones as well as a mechanical act after all. Is he going to be satisfied with a pseudo-man? Forever?

Your husband owes you some straight (haha) talking.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I've unknowingly dated many gay men - in my experience and in my opinion, I don't see how either of you will truly be happy and fulfilled in this relationship. Compromise is one thing, but you will never really be a man, and he will never really stop being attracted to men. Even if he's "bi" I'm not sure this arrangement can work in the long run... I'm sorry for being such a pessimist - I know this has to be very difficult for the both of you. 

At best keep the lines of communication open and resist the urge to judge, (not saying you do, but there may come a time you find yourself angry, if you haven't already). If you both want this to work and are committed to the relationship anything can happen!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Is that gonna be 'enough' for him to be faithful to you?


That's what I'm scared of, says he hasn't been unfaithful just a lot of self stimulation over the years, what I don't get is he loves my V space, he likes doing oral and having me there. I'm just so confused how can u say ur gay when u get off to ur wifes V? Says he finds other women repulsive, but i'm very girly, not a Tom boy at all, always wear heels, I get checked out a lot, guess it doesn't matter how hot I am if he swings for the other team. When I ask him if he's gay or straight he replies with I'm Kassandra sexual. WTF is he as confused as I am? I could deal with it if my H just liked his butt played with, maybe even ok with the strap on, but not when I know he's wishing I was a man. I know this sounds selfish because he's confused and all, but how pathetic am I, I don't feel like a woman anymore. I just want him to have sex with me and flip me over not the other way around, I guess I'm just being selfish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

kc8 said:


> That's what I'm scared of, says he hasn't been unfaithful just a lot of self stimulation over the years, what I don't get is he loves my V space, he likes doing oral and having me there. I'm just so confused how can u say ur gay when u get off to ur wifes V? Says he finds other women repulsive, but i'm very girly, not a Tom boy at all, always wear heels, I get checked out a lot, guess it doesn't matter how hot I am if he swings for the other team. When I ask him if he's gay or straight he replies with I'm Kassandra sexual. WTF is he as confused as I am? I could deal with it if my H just liked his butt played with, maybe even ok with the strap on, but not when I know he's wishing I was a man. I know this sounds selfish because he's confused and all, but how pathetic am I, I don't feel like a woman anymore. I just want him to have sex with me and flip me over not the other way around, I guess I'm just being selfish.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Selfish? No. You want your husband to be your husband not the other way around. I have a ex H. he turned out to be gay after 10 yrs. Of course he was gay all along and after years of me begging him to tell me what was wrong and standing on my head to make him happy I realized nothing I could do would make him happy. About 2 years after I divorced him he admitted to being gay... 
He got off on me too. We have 2 kids and all that jazz together. It just eventually gets too much for them and they cant pretend anymore. 

Dont sacrifice your sexuality for his. He cant change who he is( a gay man) and neither can you(a straight woman).


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

the writing is on the wall.

read it and move on you deserve better and so do your children.


sorry you are going throught this.sounds like a horrible situation.

non of this is a reflection of you. I know easier said than done.

how do you not hate him for stealing a lage portion of your life by lying to you all thease years. 

good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kc8 said:


> That's what I'm scared of, says he hasn't been unfaithful just a lot of self stimulation over the years, what I don't get is he loves my V space, he likes doing oral and having me there. I'm just so confused how can u say ur gay when u get off to ur wifes V? Says he finds other women repulsive, but i'm very girly, not a Tom boy at all, always wear heels, I get checked out a lot, guess it doesn't matter how hot I am if he swings for the other team. When I ask him if he's gay or straight he replies with I'm Kassandra sexual. WTF is he as confused as I am? I could deal with it if my H just liked his butt played with, maybe even ok with the strap on, but not when I know he's wishing I was a man. I know this sounds selfish because he's confused and all, but how pathetic am I, I don't feel like a woman anymore. I just want him to have sex with me and flip me over not the other way around, I guess I'm just being selfish.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No you are not being selfish. Your husband wants you to try to be something you are not, male, at least some of the time. You cannot be what you are not.

Though I get the impression that your husband is bi and not gay. If he likes sex with you as much as he does he can go both ways. He is having urges to be with men and is asking you to help him handle these urges.

I do not think that I could do the 'act like a guy' thing. It would be a deal breaker for me.

You need to decide if it's a deal breaker for you. I get that you love him and want to keep your marriage/family together. But doing sexual things that we do not feel comfortable with can do some heavy mental damage.

I really do feel for you. I also think that you are being a very loving wife giving this a shot. If you can go there, enjoy going there, and it satisfies his needs, then all's good. If you don't enjoy doing these things with him.. you will grow to resent this part of your life and him.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Selfish? No. You want your husband to be your husband not the other way around. I have a ex H. he turned out to be gay after 10 yrs. Of course he was gay all along and after years of me begging him to tell me what was wrong and standing on my head to make him happy I realized nothing I could do would make him happy. About 2 years after I divorced him he admitted to being gay...
> He got off on me too. We have 2 kids and all that jazz together. It just eventually gets too much for them and they cant pretend anymore.
> 
> Dont sacrifice your sexuality for his. He cant change who he is a gay man) and neither can you(a straight woman).


Thank you, I've been falling apart it's nice to hear from someone who was in a similar situation. If u don't mind me asking how did you know when there was nothing u could do sexually anymore as woman for him? Just wondering how long the toys are going to work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

kc8 said:


> Thank you, I've been falling apart it's nice to hear from someone who was in a similar situation. If u don't mind me asking how did you know when there was nothing u could do sexually anymore as woman for him? Just wondering how long the toys are going to work
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was pretty easy. He stopped getting it up for me. At first it was here and there. Then more and more. Until it became the norm. I thought he was having an affair. (maybe he was) with a guy. who knows. He started saying things like "you have to stand by me, Im your husband" and "Im just having some problems right now". No he wasnt having problems "right now". He had always felt this way he just couldnt hide it anymore. I just wish he had been man enough to say so instead of watching me suffer trying to figure out what was wrong.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> the writing is on the wall.
> 
> read it and move on you deserve better and so do your children.
> 
> ...


I've tried but i love this man I built a life & children with him. Which is why I don't understand any of this, how could he marry me knowing he was gay, not having thoughts but actually having male partners and enjoying it. Says he's content spending the rest of his life with me and being faithful. But everytime he touches me I wonder is he thinking of me. I know this sounds horrible, but it would be better if it was another woman, at least I could compete and have a fighting chance. The angry part of me wants to go out and have sex with a straight man, where I knew he was enjoying me not pretending. Would never do it just lost & confused
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> It was pretty easy. He stopped getting it up for me. At first it was here and there. Then more and more. Until it became the norm. I thought he was having an affair. (maybe he was) with a guy. who knows. He started saying things like "you have to stand by me, Im your husband" and "Im just having some problems right now". No he wasnt having problems "right now". He had always felt this way he just couldnt hide it anymore. I just wish he had been man enough to say so instead of watching me suffer trying to figure out what was wrong.


Thank you for your reply, I am so sorry I understand the pain that comes along with this. I'm just praying that love will show through and by some miracle I will be enough for him. Although I know it's probably not going to work that way, I just want to try, I'm scared he's staying because he doesn't want to hurt me says he's sorry for putting me through this, dosent know why the thoughts won't stop. He keeps saying maybe if we work on being friends the relationship will come on it's own. Says that I have to always be in his life, well obviously if he loves me why can't I be enough?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

You cant be enough sweetie b/c you are not a man. Im sorry to be so blunt. I have felt like you feel. Not knowing how to keep his attention or how to make him happy. The fact is unfortunately there is not much you can do to control his urges. With my x, they got really prevelant in his late 20's. Im sure he would change it if he could. He can no more change who he is attracted to than you can. Can I ask how old he is?


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> You cant be enough sweetie b/c you are not a man. Im sorry to be so blunt. I have felt like you feel. Not knowing how to keep his attention or how to make him happy. The fact is unfortunately there is not much you can do to control his urges. With my x, they got really prevelant in his late 20's. Im sure he would change it if he could. He can no more change who he is attracted to than you can. Can I ask how old he is?


He's 29 and I'm 24, I never suspected a thing, he always acted like a jock, wouldn't watch greys anatomy with me, pretended he hated any music other than metal and rap, would take the flowers off the rearview mirror when he drove the car, he would check out girls and led me to believe he was cheating, watched me cry and change my looks a million times and still feel like there was something wrong with me, all in an effort to cover his lies, he makes my skin crawl sometimes, won't really touch me when were at home but as soon as were in public he can't keep his hands off me, everything changes when we leave the house, I get my husband back the one I love, I hate it when we go home. Even the tone of his voice changes. I miss him or the lie should I say
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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

kc8 said:


> He's 29 and I'm 24, I never suspected a thing, he always acted like a jock, wouldn't watch greys anatomy with me, pretended he hated any music other than metal and rap, would take the flowers off the rearview mirror when he drove the car, he would check out girls and led me to believe he was cheating, watched me cry and change my looks a million times and still feel like there was something wrong with me, all in an effort to cover his lies, he makes my skin crawl sometimes, won't really touch me when were at home but as soon as were in public he can't keep his hands off me, everything changes when we leave the house, I get my husband back the one I love, I hate it when we go home. Even the tone of his voice changes. I miss him or the lie should I say
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See I knew you were gonna say he was in his late 20's. That seems to be the norm for how long they can keep up the facade. My ex did the same thing. Watched me cry, starve after having the kids so I would be back to my pre baby weight, change my hair, my clothes. Take up new hobbies and practically beg him to tell me what I could do to 'fix' it. All the while he knew I was killing myself trying to make him happy and that it wasnt possible because I have the 'wrong' parts. After our divorce he told me years later that he only got married so his family wouldnt know. (religious) 10yrs down the drain.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> See I knew you were gonna say he was in his late 20's. That seems to be the norm for how long they can keep up the facade. My ex did the same thing. Watched me cry, starve after having the kids so I would be back to my pre baby weight, change my hair, my clothes. Take up new hobbies and practically beg him to tell me what I could do to 'fix' it. All the while he knew I was killing myself trying to make him happy and that it wasnt possible because I have the 'wrong' parts. After our divorce he told me years later that he only got married so his family wouldnt know. (religious) 10yrs down the drain.


He tried to tell his mother, I'm so tired of his family telling me I need to be a better wife to him, if they only knew why we were having problems. He told her he was gay before he met me & she didn't believe him. He didn't argue tho, that was the day after he told me. I told him I would leave nothing would change. His reply was everything will, what am I supposed to do when u remarry and our kids have a home life with someone else & besides I have to have u in my life. In the beginning of all of this he said he understood if I needed to seek comfort outside of our marriage. I'm wondering if he wants to be with me as his wife or just dosent want his world to fall apart
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

kc8 said:


> He tried to tell his mother, I'm so tired of his family telling me I need to be a better wife to him, if they only knew why we were having problems. He told her he was gay before he met me & she didn't believe him. He didn't argue tho, that was the day after he told me. I told him I would leave nothing would change. His reply was everything will, what am I supposed to do when u remarry and our kids have a home life with someone else & besides I have to have u in my life. In the beginning of all of this he said he understood if I needed to seek comfort outside of our marriage. I'm wondering if he wants to be with me as his wife or just dosent want his world to fall apart
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are only 24 yrs old. Thats alot of years left to live this way. I would say he is giving you permission to relieve any guilt he may feel when he does it.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> You are only 24 yrs old. Thats alot of years left to live this way. I would say he is giving you permission to relieve any guilt he may feel when he does it.


Did you x before he came out ever physically sexually or verbally abuse you. Ex: call u fat and ugly or want to phyically hurt u during sex, he had this thing for a while where he wanted to stretch every part of me. Just curious
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Stretch every part of you? I dont know what that means. 

And yes he had an aggressive personality in general. He never hit me or sexually abused me but he would pick at my 'flaws' as he would refer to them. Like he picked at me for beiing short (5'2) he said I wasnt as 'tight' as I was before I had the kids. Just crap like that.

My (now) husband has no complaints there so I think he was just making excuses for his non performance.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Stretch every part of you? I dont know what that means.
> 
> And yes he had an aggressive personality in general. He never hit me or sexually abused me but he would pick at my 'flaws' as he would refer to them. Like he picked at me for beiing short (5'2) he said I wasnt as 'tight' as I was before I had the kids. Just crap like that.
> 
> My (now) husband has no complaints there so I think he was just making excuses for his non performance.


He liked to fist me & wanted to do off the wall crap like see how many golf balls he could fit inside me. He quit all that crap just said it was demons he was trying to work through. But y he would always complain about me down there so I did Kegals all day everyday, he even says it's like I haven't had kids. Then he complained about my weight so I got back down to a size 4. Then my hair was too light so I dyed it darker. He's out of complaints now because I look the same I did the day he married me. So when he couldnt Blame me anymore and realized that someone else would want me, he came out. So now I'm just left with all the pieces in love with a man that never existed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

kc8 said:


> He liked to fist me & wanted to do off the wall crap like see how many golf balls he could fit inside me. He quit all that crap just said it was demons he was trying to work through. But y he would always complain about me down there so I did Kegals all day everyday, he even says it's like I haven't had kids. Then he complained about my weight so I got back down to a size 4. Then my hair was too light so I dyed it darker. He's out of complaints now because I look the same I did the day he married me. So when he couldnt Blame me anymore and realized that someone else would want me, he came out. So now I'm just left with all the pieces in love with a man that never existed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Btw I am so happy u were able to find love again, after what u went through if anyone in this world deserves it u do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

kc8 said:


> He liked to fist me & wanted to do off the wall crap like see how many golf balls he could fit inside me. He quit all that crap just said it was demons he was trying to work through. But y he would always complain about me down there so I did Kegals all day everyday, he even says it's like I haven't had kids. Then he complained about my weight so I got back down to a size 4. Then my hair was too light so I dyed it darker. He's out of complaints now because I look the same I did the day he married me. So when he couldnt Blame me anymore and realized that someone else would want me, he came out. So now I'm just left with all the pieces in love with a man that never existed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is alot like what my ex did. Save the stretching stuff. Anyway I think they are searching for something that just doesnt exist. Its easier to blame you than it is to face their own demons. Easier to watch you drown than to jump in and save you. Im sorry this is happening to you. You are still young and you can/will recover from this.(I did) but it takes time and you have to work thru the anger. (for me there was alot) The deception was awful. Feeling as if my whole life was a mirage. We have been divorced for 18yrs and when I see him it still makes me angry for the time I wasted with him. However, I came out soooooo much stronger. I think b/c of that I was better able to cope w/my now husbands EA. I kind of feel like "now this I can compete with". Stupid, I know but, honest.
I hope that helps.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

I agree it would be nice to be able to level the playing field, like dye my hair blonde, buy bigger boobs. I can't grow a penis and change my gender. Besides I wouldn't want to, I guess that would be the same as asking him to be straight. Whoa revelation, I think I might take those divorce papers home now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

kc8 said:


> I agree it would be nice to be able to level the playing field, like dye my hair blonde, buy bigger boobs. I can't grow a penis and change my gender. Besides I wouldn't want to, I guess that would be the same as asking him to be straight. Whoa revelation, I think I might take those divorce papers home now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Think things thru. See an attorney. Get your self situated. And by all means PROTECT yourself. Im not saying he is having sex w/men. Im just saying its possible. He cannot be straight anymore than you can be gay. Thats the first thing for you to accept. Focus on the things you CAN change.


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## kc8 (Mar 12, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Think things thru. See an attorney. Get your self situated. And by all means PROTECT yourself. Im not saying he is having sex w/men. Im just saying its possible. He cannot be straight anymore than you can be gay. Thats the first thing for you to accept. Focus on the things you CAN change.


Thank u for all ur advice, it was nice to know theirs someone out there that survived and came out better for it. U really have helped I appreciate u sharing ur story .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

kc8 said:


> He liked to fist me & wanted to do off the wall crap like see how many golf balls he could fit inside me. He quit all that crap just said it was demons he was trying to work through. But y he would always complain about me down there so I did Kegals all day everyday, he even says it's like I haven't had kids. Then he complained about my weight so I got back down to a size 4. Then my hair was too light so I dyed it darker. He's out of complaints now because I look the same I did the day he married me. So when he couldnt Blame me anymore and realized that someone else would want me, he came out. So now I'm just left with all the pieces in love with a man that never existed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm trying to think how a person might find it stimulating to stick golf balls up their vigina. Can anybody explain?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

par4 said:


> I'm trying to think how a person might find it stimulating to stick golf balls up their vigina. Can anybody explain?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, it is not that different to playing golf I suppose. Balls, hole...it's all there.

To the OP - I just don't think that you have to suffer this kind of abuse. You are young, you can make a new life for yourself. 

His being confused is one thing, but cruelty and perversion towards you is unacceptable.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

i knew i saw it before.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

kc8 said:


> Any advice or similar situations would be appreciated.


Sorry, I got no advice and no situation similar enough to help. 

What I can tell you though is that my marriage has gone through major changes over the years. Different "bombshells" got "dropped" over time. I admire your efforts to work it out. It's amazing what can be worked out given enough time and commitment and love on both parts.

So maybe no advice, but some hope and admiration.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

kc8 said:


> Been married for 6 1/2 yrs two Kids 4 & 1, about 5 months ago hubby said he was thinking of cheating, so we had a threesome with my friend (girl) 5 times. Didn't help our relationship, needless to say a lot of things happened, never had a great marriage to start with. Married I was 18 he was 23, we were calling it quits 2 months ago, I thought H had a gf, boy was I wrong, so I started talking to someone nothing happened, H found out and freaked. Then he dropped a bombshell he was gay and had been gay the day he married me. He's had 10 male partners before me I'm the 3rd girl. Never thought, he started being himself & I realized how much he worked to cover up, we like the same shows and music, but didn't want to watch them, basically my husband turned into a teenage girl, he says he wants to be with me, is sexually attracted to men, not women. He says he enjoys sex w/me, but likes sex better with men, so I started being a guy in bed, bought a strap on, it's ok I guess, I'm just freaked out, he lied for so long, just scared I am going to wake up one day and he'll be gone. Any advice or similar situations would be appreciated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You are living a lie by staying with him. If it were me I wouldn't stay in this relationship.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Some people are born with sexual orientations that run across a continuum from Homosexual to Heterosexual not simply one or the other. If your guy was 100% Homosexual he would not have been able to have any real sexual desire for you and would not have been able to function sexually because of that. Remember men who have no sexual desire can't fake erections and orgasm (well maybe orgasm if they wear a condom and jump out of bed and flush it right after he fakes cumming) The fact that he did have regular sex with you at one time leads me to believe he is somewhere between Gay and Straight, able to enjoy the sexual company of both sexes.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Maybe he just likes his anus stimulated/penetrated and correlates that to being gay?

What does he find attractive about men? Their bodies? Their physique? Or just their penis?

Maybe he just thought he was gay because he likes it in the butt and other people may have turned their noses up at what he likes.

I, personally, could never 'do' my husband up the rear. Nope. Not going to happen. If he's gay, then he's gay and he can go be gay with men. but that's just me.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

kc8 said:


> Then he dropped a bombshell he was gay and had been gay the day he married me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Felt he was gay when you were married or literally had gay sex with a guy on your wedding day?


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## impressyourself (Sep 4, 2013)

I found out Aug. 18, 2013 that my husband of 19 years is and always has been gay. 

While cleaning out the iPhoto trash folder, I came across naked photos of his gay lover in a hotel room. 
I asked him about his relationship with this man. He lied and lied until finally he confessed, "I am gay".

We have 3 kids, ages 15,13, and 10. 
My husband wants to continue living at home with us, and continue to have sex with his gay lover. 
I don't know what to do...


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

My sister-in-law's first husband is gay. She found out about 10 years into their marriage when their son was about 9. She had always suspected him of having affairs but never imagined it would be with men. She stayed with him for another 5 years, turning a blind eye to his relationships with men, because she thought it was best for the boy. Then when their son was 15 her husband met the love of his life and officially came out and my sister-in-law and him divorced. My sister-in-law then got together with my brother-in-law. When their son was 17 the ex husband married his male partner and their son went completely off the rails, drinking, drugs, breaking into a school and getting a criminal record. Thankfully he is back on track now and doing fine, but he was really f*cked up for a few years.

I really sympathise Impressyourself. I wonder whether counselling would help you deal with this and work out what's best for you and your kids x


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

impressyourself said:


> I found out Aug. 18, 2013 that my husband of 19 years is and always has been gay.
> 
> While cleaning out the iPhoto trash folder, I came across naked photos of his gay lover in a hotel room.
> I asked him about his relationship with this man. He lied and lied until finally he confessed, "I am gay".
> ...


If they are gay they are gay. I would move on, because is that what you want your kids seeing as normal? If it comes out the father was actually gay, and your broke up, most would see this as a reasonable response.

Or you could keep the sex life thing swept under the rug, some do it, but the children will be able to tell how you interact with one another.

By the way "ImpressYourself", I like your screen name. Each of us should be trying to or Impressing Ourselves.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

impressyourself said:


> I found out Aug. 18, 2013 that my husband of 19 years is and always has been gay.
> 
> While cleaning out the iPhoto trash folder, I came across naked photos of his gay lover in a hotel room.
> I asked him about his relationship with this man. He lied and lied until finally he confessed, "I am gay".
> ...


Please start your own thread on this so that you can get support for yourself.

What do you do? Your husband is cheating on you and has been for a long time. Look at it no differently than if he were cheating with a woman. The same rules apply. It's not acceptable.

Now you wans an open marriage. Are you ok with an open marriage.

How has your sex life been?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

impressyourself said:


> I found out Aug. 18, 2013 that my husband of 19 years is and always has been gay.
> 
> While cleaning out the iPhoto trash folder, I came across naked photos of his gay lover in a hotel room.
> I asked him about his relationship with this man. He lied and lied until finally he confessed, "I am gay".
> ...


you know what to do just quit living a lie. hes gay and its alright to be gay but its not alright to lie and decieve people and ruin their lives because your to selfih to admit your gay.


I would file for divorce and tell everybody. you are a victim here. not to get revenge but I think its important to let everybody know espicaly your kids one of them might be gay and embarrased or too confused to accept it. and this might help them.


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## reef3314 (Nov 13, 2013)

He held it from you bc he thought it would hurt you to find out or he was embarrassed about it. If there is love there than you to will make it work. Hell, enjoy yourself a MMF threesome and watch the show. The most shocking thing to me here is that he actually told you he was thinking of cheating. Sounds like an honest man to me. Good luck


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)




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