# How to tone down "triggering"?!?



## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

It has been 2 year and I feel like I've gotten no where.

If I see the first or last name of the other woman (which I do frequently daily at work), girl with the same eye color or body type...same car, even just the same color car, the place she works (its a very abundant restaurant chain), or even see anything to do with Harry Potter (which is EVERYWHERE) cause she was obsessed with it..

I TRIGGER. I TRIGGER. I TRIGGER.

Some days I manage to fight it off...but 95% of the time its like the hurt starts all over again.

((And I still can't help myself but look at this womans facebook (its public) at least every other day))

I am torturing myself. 

Why can't I get her out of my head?!?


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

*Re: How to done down "triggering"?!?*

You are triggering yourself by looking at her Facebook. NC applies to the BS too.

Stop looking at her online.

Every time I did that, I was filled with rage. When I stopped, my anger and triggers calmed down.

The other triggers, you can't control those popping up if the triggers are everywhere but stop torturing yourself with the skank's FB page.


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

I'm sorry for not knowing the lingo. I'm new. 

What is NC?

Will the effect of the triggers ever be less painful? Its like a bad movie being played in my head over and over and over again...scens, phrases..everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

NC = No Contact with the affair partner

You H should be NC but so should you.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Two years is a long time to still be triggering THAT much. It's been 2 years for me, and I am not that bad.

Have you done some reading about recovering from infidelity? There's a book called PISD: Transceding Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

Amazon.com: Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing (9781587613340): Dennis C. Ortman: Books

which you might find useful. I did. It has some great coping techniques.

Are you in counseling? That also helped me (IC, or individual counseling, as opposed to marriage counseling, or MC)


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

I guess I sorta swept it all under the rug and avoided it..never spoke about it and I'm finally coming to terms with it.

We've had the talk, etc.

I am just now looking into MC...I guess better late then never.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

A couple articles that might help. (I've also heard the above book is good and may purchase it myself).

Emotional Memory Management: Dealing with Triggers When Recovering from Infidelity - Marriage AdvocatesMarriage Advocates

Untitled Document


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yes, if you rug swept, that would do it. 

What has your husband done? Has he shown TRUE remorse? Is he doing all the 'heavy lifting' as they say?


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

In the small version...

He pretty much abandoned myself and our child. He swears up and down that he didn't cheat on me....yet he has yet to even come up with a reason for leaving, he won't even admit to being unhappy...and conveniently he started seeing a woman he worked with right after he walked away.

I think what irks me more is how he went on with his "new life" as if his child didn't exist...more then the aspect of him leaving me.

I feel like a fool for taking him back.

He isn't by any means going out of his way to make things up to me...but he is definitely being a great husband and a great father.

He has told me that he wishes he could build a time machine and fix this..and that it was the biggest mistake he ever made. He does understand that things will never the same between us as they used to be...and I guess that hurts him.

I do feel he is sorry. 

He is one of those lack of affection type of men...always had been I guess. I do think it would help more if he was more affectionate towards me. I feel like I need to feel the love at this point to know its real, as before I just knew...or thought I knew...that he loved me reguardless of constant affection. I have expressed this to him...and he'll try, but within a couple days he's back to his normal unaffectionate self.


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