# I think this is all my fault :-(



## Janey (Nov 10, 2012)

Well here goes,
i broke up from my ex-partner of 10years in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship shortly after my dad died from cancer, i had to move house, leave my pets behind, had no support off my family and move in with my now partner of 2 years wit no family or friends to be seen, everything was ok untill i became very ill and had a mental break down shortly after.
My partner really struggled with this as alot was aimed at him, i thought he was cheating and i stalked a few people and ended up haveing to be on tablets and get therapy. our Sex life was AWESUM totally BRILLIANT even through my difficulties and i was sure i ws the luckiest girl ever, he talked about marraige and used to tell me how lovely i was.
We moved house because his flat was too small for the two of us and everything changed, he lost interest in me totally this really hit my self esteem as i really didnt undersatnd why. after a 6months of no sex i talked to him supportivly asked him why this was and what i could do to help, he explained he just wasnt in the mood and tried some anti depressants from the doctors. these tablets didnt help so he stoped taking them after 4 months but still nothing changed. i again tried talking to him calmly and supportivly.i suggested things and tried being very slow and going at his pace, but nothing :-(
a year passed and i started to get really Pi**ed off about the house work and his washing and how we never went to bed togeather anymore not even for a cuddle, i missed the days we'd lie in bed and laugh and chat and fall to sleep. i stopped trying to talk to him about it in the end as nothing worked but i couldnt stay quiet and after a year and half i got cross and asked him if we should get help, he said he didnt like it either and that he was embarred and he talk to his doctor but never did, he says he will, he says he knows but he does nothing :-(
i feel like im being selfish and have tried to surpress everything, i am totally in love with him, he is the most gourgeous man iv ever seen and i know he loves me but not being able to touch the man you love and kiss him the way you want to kiss him is heart breaking. iv become almost scarred to touch him in a sexual way, what hurts the most is that now and again (like twice this year) hed wake up at 2am start touching me and kissing me and id do the same then he'd stop go to the toilet and come back to bed and turn over and go to sleep, im left lying there feeling kind of abandoned thinking WTF, id just get up and cry my eyes out.
its been two years nearlly and we'v had sex like 5 times, i relly miss him and i miss the bond and connection that being close creates. im still young at 27 and he's 42 so i understand theres a bit of an age gap, ive been patiencent, supportive and calm, iv tried talking, iv tried not mentioning it and nothing seemed to help.
i feel pretty unattractive right now, i think this happened becoause i got ill and iv apologiesed till im blue in the face, its got to the point where i might have to accept this is the way it is to be but that just breaks my heart. 
sorry about the legnth of the, just needed to vent :-(
thanks for listening,
Janey


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

Welcome to the forum Janey
I don't think it is your fault (nor do I think it is your husbands). Fault finding is a paralytic - it will not help. Instead look to being pro-active, ignite the physical passion once more. The past is gone focus on what you want now.

Depression and lack of habit can cause sex to become a low priority. I think the only way to get back into the swing is to do it without too much thinking and thought. Jump in the sack!


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