# Want more sex but bored with the current



## HorsesIlove (Oct 7, 2013)

My husband and I are a good couple, we have the same ideals, styles of parenting, but we are not in sync with our sex life. He wants it more of course, I do too but when we actually get down to it, it's awkward and weird. No passion at all, it's blah, we've tried role playing, different positions, but I think my biggest problem is I am just not "into" it. I want to be. 

Back story, we have 2 small children who don't sleep through the night, we both work and are exhausted. He gets 3 days off a week and usually I try to make sure he gets the rest, but it leaves me overwhelmingly exhausted. We've been married for 4 years, been together 6. 

I am older than he is, and I was his first and only. Me, I have a history from before we met. Anyway, we recently went to his high school re union and my biggest fear is he has regrets of not dating around. Our sex life honestly stinks and it causes our day to day life to be less pleasurable. He seems mad at me, quiet and withdrawn. 

So I guess my question is, how can we get back that "fire" we once had.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So the sex is good, explorative but boring? This is kind of normal for couples with young preschool aged kids. But the good thing is that this age group tends to sleep HARD once they get to sleep. You say they don't sleep through the night, how old are they? Cause that HAS to change if you have any hope at all for ramping up your sex life.

How often do you take sex out of the bedroom?

Make a list of all the places you want to have sex, have him to the same. Try for once a week in a new place outside the bedroom.

Men are super sensitive about their ability as lovers and if you tend to take charge in other areas he may be feeling like a dismal failure.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

HorsesIlove said:


> My husband and I are a good couple, we have the same ideals, styles of parenting, but we are not in sync with our sex life. He wants it more of course, I do too but when we actually get down to it, it's awkward and weird. No passion at all, it's blah, we've tried role playing, different positions, but I think my biggest problem is I am just not "into" it. I want to be.
> 
> Back story, we have 2 small children who don't sleep through the night, we both work and are exhausted. He gets 3 days off a week and usually I try to make sure he gets the rest, but it leaves me overwhelmingly exhausted. We've been married for 4 years, been together 6.
> 
> ...


Before he goes to work, hide in the shower and totally surprise him with a quickie.

When he comes home from work, maybe dress up / cosplay at night when the kids are in bed?

Make time for many quickies as the norm. In the bathroom, car, outside, anywhere you can get away for 15 minutes.....

Whisper dirty talk in his ears.

Until the kids get older and sleep through the nights, there isn't too much you can do.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Is getting away for a weekend an option? Or getting a reprieve even for a night every week or two? How old are your kids?

Were you ever "into it" with your husband? Have you tried watching porn together to see if there's something you both are into? Do you use any toys together? Some light bondage, perhaps? Do the two of you ever talk about sex?

C


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Two questions;
#1 why are you not into it?
#2 why is he pissed off?

Please ask him before you speak for him!

And be honest...what do you want from him when you are in bed?


My point is all this bull crap can be solved if the both of you can talk with out judgement.
I mean when you guys talk does it become a defence for the both of you?

Phuck , hear each other out with no judgement!

I mean really maybe he wants to be dressed up as a girl or you want to be spanked...my point is I don't think either one of you can be that blunt...no matter what the issue is and that sucks!

In short its time to be blunt with each other and meet each others needs no matter how much he wants to wear leather or how much mens clothes you like to wear.

Sorry for the bad analogy but there is a point and meeting each others needs in bed is the glue in a marriage...

Thats my $0.02

May I add...your not into it!!!!!well thats gotta suck for him.

Again sex is the glue and *both * of you need to figure it out or someone is going after some strange and screw up this whole family.


----------



## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

you are going to have to let us really know the issue. what is it you are lacking? If you are the more experienced, I think it is a must that you step up and both let him know you are craving something you are not getting and start the process of peeling back his sexual layers and mold a sexual relationship that holds the excitement and fulfillment you are missing. One is almost always more of a student if the history is as far a part as yours sounds from your H.

Attracted to him physically? emotionally?

Sounds to me a bit like there is something not being said to us..


----------



## HorsesIlove (Oct 7, 2013)

nogutsnoglory said:


> you are going to have to let us really know the issue. what is it you are lacking? If you are the more experienced, I think it is a must that you step up and both let him know you are craving something you are not getting and start the process of peeling back his sexual layers and mold a sexual relationship that holds the excitement and fulfillment you are missing. One is almost always more of a student if the history is as far a part as yours sounds from your H.
> 
> Attracted to him physically? emotionally?
> 
> Sounds to me a bit like there is something not being said to us..


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HorsesIlove (Oct 7, 2013)

Thank you all for your responses. Actually kind of helps. We've recently tried different things, and locations, which
was fun. But not enough to get us in the sack every night. Our appetites are different. Which causes a lot of pressure on me to enjoy it. Its no longer fun. We talked tonight and we figured out that neither one of us really find each other's lives interesting. He's into video games, I am caring and doing stuff with our 1 yr old and 3yr, running a photography business, out doing stuff a lot. When we talk we bore each other. There was a point last year we almost divorced because of our separate sexual appetites. I was pregnant at the time but still it kind of made me feel like it was have sex or lose him. Im sure felt I lost interest in him when our kids were born. Not the case just hurt still. Now there's the issue of emotional stuff. My husband is really handsome, he's even hotter when he's being my hero but lately I am my own hero. I do it all, hell I have resorted to fixing my own vehicles, and this is coming from a lady 2ho knew nothing about cars. I wanted my very cute strong husband to help. Wh3n I ask he gets angry. So yeah that kind of takes away the fun in the bedroom. I almost feel like he just wants me for that but otberwise im boring. I want to enjoy it for the sake of our marriage. I want 5o fix this. He says no to counseling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

So the problem is not really sex at all. You certainly need counselling. Did your husband want the divorce or you.

There must be a reason why your husband doesnt want to help you with your vehicle. Maybe you didnt do something for him.

You say you want to be 'into it'. Is that really true. 

He is 'mad' at you and quiet and withdrawn. Why?

Even if he wont go with you for counselling you should go yourself.


----------



## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Have you ever told him you're just not into it? If so, what was his response?


----------



## HorsesIlove (Oct 7, 2013)

kingsfan said:


> Have you ever told him you're just not into it? If so, what was his response?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HorsesIlove (Oct 7, 2013)

It was his idea when we almost divorced. The vehicle thing was just an example of what I mean. I need him to step up and be my knight in shining armor. I do everything for him except have sex more than once a week. We're doing it but he's the only one getting pleasure out of it. He tries to get me to enjoy it but I just can't bring myself to get in the mood. We've talked it hasn't been the same since we've had kkids. Basically we are friends living under the same roof that have sex once a week and parent our kids
.honestly I miss him, I miss the fun we had. I am going to seek therapy for myself. Maybe it will help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

HorsesIlove said:


> Thank you all for your responses. Actually kind of helps. We've recently tried different things, and locations, which
> was fun. But not enough to get us in the sack every night. Our appetites are different. Which causes a lot of pressure on me to enjoy it. Its no longer fun. We talked tonight and we figured out that neither one of us really find each other's lives interesting. *He's into video games, I am caring and doing stuff with our 1 yr old and 3yr, running a photography business, out doing stuff a lot. *When we talk we bore each other. There was a point last year we almost divorced because of our separate sexual appetites. I was pregnant at the time but still it kind of made me feel like it was have sex or lose him. Im sure felt I lost interest in him when our kids were born. Not the case just hurt still. Now there's the issue of emotional stuff. *My husband is really handsome, he's even hotter when he's being my hero but lately I am my own hero. *I do it all, hell I have resorted to fixing my own vehicles, and this is coming from a lady 2ho knew nothing about cars. *I wanted my very cute strong husband to help. Wh3n I ask he gets angry. *So yeah that kind of takes away the fun in the bedroom. I almost feel like he just wants me for that but otberwise im boring. I want to enjoy it for the sake of our marriage. I want 5o fix this. He says no to counseling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You answered all of your own questions. It looks like when you two had kids, you took on the responsibilities and he is still living a practically single life. Look at how you describe your respective interests. You describe yourself as a go getter, being the responsible one and living in the real world. You describe him as a guy who plays video games and gets angry whenever you ask him for help. If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't feel turned on for a guy who acts like he does. Didn't you also say he gets a 3 day weekend and you try not to bother him during his time off so that he can rest? 

I'm not sure if you are a "nice girl" (nice guy) who tries to please everyone or if you are simply afraid of conflict and will do anything to avoid getting your husband upset. Whether you are putting out covert contracts that he does not realize is out there or if he's merely a lazy guy who cannot be bothered with maintaining a marriage, you are ending up at the same end point. Resentment that is building until you divorce or cheat on him.


----------

