# Quality time wiht kids trumps quantity



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Fascinating and common sense. AFter all, our parents let us roam around while doing their things and we did turn out ok:

Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity. - The Washington Post


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

In my case, I had neither. Therapy and older cousins had more of a hand in helping me out. I turned out fine. LOL.

I wouldn't recommend the neglected and abused route though, since the therapy would be costly.

Really, the relationship between the parents is more of a priority to uphold. Couples do not have that biological bond to keep the attachment strong, so the relationship needs more quality time.

Children form and emulate their behavior from their parents. Children are explorers, broadening their world, so let them go and make mistakes, as long as it is not life threatening.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I remember my friends mother in law telling her that she is making things way too hard for herself. "put the baby in the playpen and let him entertain himself, and you can clean the whole house during that time, instead of at night". That's what we all did, and look at your husband!"

I"ve heard somewhere that in the past the house had to look spotless, kids were in the background. Today we accept messy house so we can spend more time pampering our kids. Even the name have changed from "Housewife" to "Stay in home mom" - definition has changed.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

WandaJ said:


> Fascinating and common sense. AFter all, our parents let us roam around while doing their things and we did turn out ok:
> 
> Making time for kids? Study says quality trumps quantity. - The Washington Post


Yep. Once decent weather comes around, we boot our daughter outside and use the "come back when it's dark" rule. She runs around the neighborhood with her friends and we get some peace and quiet.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

WandaJ said:


> I remember my friends mother in law telling her that she is making things way too hard for herself. "put the baby in the playpen and let him entertain himself, and you can clean the whole house during that time, instead of at night". That's what we all did, and look at your husband!"
> 
> I"ve heard somewhere that in the past the house had to look spotless, kids were in the background. Today we accept messy house so we can spend more time pampering our kids. Even the name have changed from "Housewife" to "Stay in home mom" - definition has changed.


I've never been too much of a pamperer of our kids...I feel they've come out well adjusted , responsible, empathetic and trustworthy individuals.. One has flown the nest, got his degree.. another will be going off to college this year & another next year..Very proud of them, they were all involved in something , plus got better grades than me & H ever did..never in trouble.. even being boys.. they talk to us...

I was one of those Mothers you described here... I never allowed my kids to slow me down from getting anything done.. play pens, gates, swings and Binkys.. I even propped the bottles with them right beside me while I multi-tasked.... I also was never one of those Mom's who'd "Ssssshhh the baby is sleeping"....they'll adjust to the noise... all 6 of them did..



I was more one of those parents who liked to have a # of kids over so they could entertain each other.. (plus having siblings was built in entertainment)... I'd rather sit back and see them laughing wildly / goofing off... so long as they were good kids -the more the merrier.. this would give me great delight.. 

Like outside on a warm day.... I'd be there with a book in my hands.. just watching them play in the sand box.. hauling buckets of water back & forth.. or whatever... I am good for throwing big parties / creating "kid friendly" atmospheres ..like making an outdoor theater for their friends to come over & enjoy...Pizza parties, smores, bonfires... Bonzia Water slides for their parties... I know they greatly appreciate this aspect of my parenting.. 

I think I feel this way as I was an only child ...just didn't like that...My Mom tried.. but I always wanted FRIENDS over... that was exciting for me.. .. ditch the parents!! ..ha ha.. that's how I felt anyway.... Oh we get along well..I seem to enjoy them more once they get older though... the teen years are my favorite !.. and the baby years.. very precious. Always family vacations.. we even take a friend or 2 if we can fit them in the suburban.. we go all out.. 

I try to not give advice on this though- like this MIL did.....I know better.. won't be doing that with any Daughter in laws... I know my boundaries!! 

Not everyone's parenting style is the same.. I found it complete torture trying to teach toddlers ABC's.. and numbers.. I just hated it.. still did it though.... I also hate board games... my H is much better here over me.. but I've amused them now & then....


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

I don't have children, but I know that a lot of people in the childfree community seem to not want to have children because of the new role parents have in raising children. They complain about having to be a 24/7 child entertainment system. 

I do think there has been a shift in treating children like a huge project in which every "part" needs to be monitored for optimization. I wouldn't suggest we go back to older ways of child-rearing to the letter, but to combine what we have learned in modern research with an older more relaxed parenting style. So no hitting kids and thinking that they are miniature adults, because they are not, but also not micro-managing them like a project and instead allowing them to develop maturity by failing on their own without rescue and by spending more time with other kids than just the parents.

As an aside, while I myself do not want kids, I think a large portion of the childfree community is a bit whiny about their complaints with children. There are good pockets that talk realistically about the positives and negatives of such a lifestyle and don't treat those without children as smarter, but there are other pockets that give demeaning names to parents and look at children like hell on earth. 

Just had to get that off my chest.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I've seen studies that imply something as simple as the family setting down at the dinner table together makes a huge difference in an array of facets from emotional health to success. Setting down and enjoying a few minutes of each other's time daily might be the key. A few minutes with no phones or gadgets but instead conversation. Plus good food activates our reward system .


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