# If I'm not a part of my husbands family and him then should I divorce



## SadDays (Aug 15, 2012)

This is just a snippet of the whole picture. I wrote once before of the whole situation. 
Sometimes I wonder about this specific thing because it is one of the things I know will never change. 

I've never been accepted into my husband's family and I don't know why. I've been told its because the mother and sister are controlling and don't want anyone in the place that I am in.
I have never felt like a part of the family even after we dated for over a decade before getting engaged and married. His sisters husband was welcomed right away and is always always there in the picture. 

My husband sees his family daily on his way home from work. He does not want me there with him. 
We are newlyweds in our late 20's and just bought our first house. 
His mother and sister have not been to our house since the very end of December/beginning of January ONCE. 
My husband gives me ridiculous excuses as to why, such as "they have their own lives!" 

I call his parents house and none of them answer except his dad has but it goes nowhere. Nobody has answered as of late.

I feel very helpless in my own life in a way because he is acting like he is still living at home and sees them daily and I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that they have weeded me out. 

The issue I keep having is I keep thinking OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND... 

It isn't even just these things.. Up until we got married I always felt like they had a huge role in my husbands life decisions. I brushed it off as a hunch. 
Then after the wedding I am totally not a part of the family. 

Earlier in the summer I overheard my husband's mother inviting just him to dinner and out the door he went giving me a lie for an excuse so he could go without me. 

It would be one thing I the were close to his family and I were able to be by his side and be close to them too, but that is not the case. And it is why I feel so trapped. He puts them first, he is there with them, their needs come first and I can't imagine what ways upon us having children that they will be. 

Another thing that is hard is he will get out of work really early but spend all the extra time at his parents. And lie and act like he didn't. I'm just so left out. There's so much more but I'm burnt out thinking of this and I know this won't change and it is hard. 
It sounds so simple but they have really tried to destroy us by demanding control of our lives. This all started with the wedding and house hunting. Example is his sister throwing fits that she couldnt fully control the wedding and also his mother taking only my husband to go looking at houses, I was not informed of this! Everything run by them first, every major decision...


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

So, are you living in the house that his mother selected - one that you were informed that you and he are going to buy?

I ask that question because it seems to me you are compliant with him and them. What you have to do is be willing to walk away from everything since you are not happy with the situation. As long as you go along with it, nothing will change. Your husband needs to understand he is supposed to cut the apron strings when he takes a wife. Demand that he attends marriage counseling with you. Make the appointment, and tell him the date, time, and address. Tell him you expect him to be there and be there on time. If he refuses and doesn't show up, then you know your answer. He is telling you the marriage is not important to him and he doesn't want it. Don't even bother telling him you are going to leave. Just take a week or two to plan, and then go. Or, tell him to go back to mommy since he's there all the time anyway. Don't argue with him when he tries to engage you. Just shut him out and be done with him and the whole situation. Pack his things for him and have them waiting at the door. If he refuses to leave, then you be the one to leave. Your only other option is to keep allowing him to take you for granted and ignoring you. He is supposed to be your husband forsaking all others.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

If you knew all of this why did you marry him under these circumstances????? Not much worse than a 'momma's boy' except a cheating momma's boy. It will get worse, not better if you dont take a stand right now. I speak from experience.


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## NinaB (Feb 6, 2013)

I have been through something very similar to this in my own failed marriage. First of all it is not you, it is them. That is one of the only times that you can honestly get away with truthfully saying that.

A great deal of this story, like my own is one of hindsight. Over time putting 2+2 together and realizing hey wait a minute this is so not normal.

In my own situation there was a great deal of duplicity in hiding the fact that I was considered an intruder on their family. They pretended to welcome me at family gatherings. They pretended to include me. It was only after my brother-in-law got his divorce and his ex called to tell me what was going on behind closed doors that the truth of it all began to see daylight. When I cornered my husband on that issue he very flippantly stated, "Yep she pretty well nailed it!"

So after all those years running around like a fool creating family dinners, parties, anniversaries, etc. I find I am not considered family just this interloper that is hated and joked about.

When I found that my mother-in-law had opened her home to my spouse, her son for all manner of cheating, I left. I have never turned back no once. It took awhile to get there but I am free of them at long last and I am loving it!


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