# Feelings after threesome



## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

This is my first post so here it goes *Deep breath*

My husband and I have been married for seven months. We have a one year old and have been together for five years. My DH and I have a significant age difference. Before we started dating, he was involved in the "lifestyle". He was usually the plus one in a threesome for couples. He remained friends with many of these couples and has been up front about how much the swinger lifestyle turns him on. 

At first, I was rather turned off by the idea. Then as time went on, I became more open to it and told him "Someday". THe past year we have been to swingers parties and mingled or watched other couples. I enjoyed it more than I expected but was still reluctant to go further. I informed my husband I needed to take baby steps. 

In December we went to his friends house. The are in the lifestyle and had other couples over as well. I got pretty drunk but noticed one of the men who has my husbands age and kept flirting with me. He was really witty and good looking. I told my husband I was interested in having him join us. DH was ecstatic about the idea and as the night went on, we ended up in the bedroom and the guy came and joined us. It was a lot of fun, but he had drank too much and couldn't finish. I immediately missed him the next morning. 

Shortly after I found him on Facebook and friend requested/messaged him. I informed him I had a good time with him. He said he was sorry he couldn't finish and would like to finish what we started. I asked my husband, who enthusiastically said yes. He asked his wife, who said okay. I also double checked with the woman who hosted the party (Who is friends with DH and this mans wife). She said the wife gave her blessing. We flirted over Facebook non-stop. The guy came over the next week and I had turns having sex with him and DH. And that's when the emotions hit- I couldn't stop thinking about him. I looked through his Facebook pictures and actually had the urge to go on dates with him, go to movies, go shopping. I didn't respond to any more of his texts for a couple weeks because I knew it was wrong to feel this way.

Last week I caved and texted him. I told DH I wanted to have another threesome. He said SURE!. The man ended up coming over last night and having sex but it wasn't a threesome because DH was in the home office working. He greeted the guy, waved, told him he had to take a phone call and to have fun. The man told me I was too romantic on the text messages between himself and I, and his wife thinks I like him. I apologized and said it wouldn't happen again. He said not to worry, he just doesn't want her upset. He texted his wife to let her know he was here and then we had sex in our bed. It was really tender and passionate. He said some things during sex that I can't tell if he meant or if he just said it in the heat of the moment. The words are still floating around in my mind. Later, as he was leaving, he told me that if his wife asked, DH was in the bedroom with us. 

DH asked me if I had fun and I said yes, but now I feel sadness in my stomach. I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can have sex without feelings attached. This man is the first man I've had sex with in five years besides my husband. Has anyone ever felt this way? How do I tell my husband my heart isn't conducive to the swinger lifestyle? I know logically I cannot contact this man again.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

wow. and that's exactly why it's never a good idea.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Orange_Crush said:


> This is my first post so here it goes *Deep breath*
> 
> My husband and I have been married for seven months. We have a one year old and have been together for five years. My DH and I have a significant age difference. Before we started dating, he was involved in the "lifestyle". He was usually the plus one in a threesome for couples. He remained friends with many of these couples and has been up front about how much the swinger lifestyle turns him on.
> 
> ...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Orange_Crush said:


> Has anyone ever felt this way? How do I tell my husband my heart isn't conducive to the swinger lifestyle? I know logically I cannot contact this man again.


Do you know this is not a Swingers site?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'm sorry, I just have say that your husband is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

You are right to not contact the man again, and don't have sex with him, of course. You should tell your husband how you are feeling. If he doesn't nix the swinging, he other doesn't really love you, or he is less than smart.

This kind of thing is so sad. You were misled.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Do you know this is not a Swingers site?




Yes. It's about marriage. And I want my marriage, not to be a swinger. Hence why I posted...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Many people are not able to separate sex from emotional connection, and it's good that you realize this. You should definitely stop, and you simply need to tell your husband that too many emotions result, and you're not able to separate the two. He has probably seen this before, and should have no problem understanding what this means for you. Sure, he may be disappointed, but you gave this a try, so he can't say you didn't. Really, you can't always know how you will feel until you try it, although for some people it is apparent that they should not even make the attempt. We've met a lot of newbies, and more often than not we've dissuaded them from pursuing it. Others need to try it to know - now you know.

So, be very honest with him, and if he is like most people who have experience with swinging, he will understand and support your decision.


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Many people are not able to separate sex from emotional connection, and it's good that you realize this. You should definitely stop, and you simply need to tell your husband that too many emotions result, and you're not able to separate the two. He has probably seen this before, and should have no problem understanding what this means for you. Sure, he may be disappointed, but you gave this a try, so he can't say you didn't. Really, you can't always know how you will feel until you try it, although for some people it is apparent that they should not even make the attempt. We've met a lot of newbies, and more often than not we've dissuaded them from pursuing it. Others need to try it to know - now you know.
> 
> So, be very honest with him, and if he is like most people who have experience with swinging, he will understand and support your decision.


Thank you so much for your response. I feel better just getting it off my chest. I will talk to him tonight. I can't see him being mad or upset, but I can tell this was something he wanted us both to be a part of. It's just not a right fit for me.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Orange_Crush said:


> Yes. It's about marriage. And I want my marriage, not to be a swinger. Hence why I posted...


You have to be honest about it. Tell your husband you CAN NOT JUST HAVE SEX. That you are bonding emotionally with the guy you were with. Lifestyle is not my cup of tea but the truth will go a long way for you. Also, if your husband loves you the way he should, he will understand and love you the more for being honest with him. Good luck and do not be with the other guy again. Stay strong and be true to yourself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Orange_Crush said:


> Yes. It's about marriage. And I want my marriage, not to be a swinger. Hence why I posted...


Then put your foot down and end it.

Your husband will probably not agree to do what it takes to save your marriage but stop lying to yourself about who you are.

Start thinking about the damage this already has caused and the harm to your child.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Orange_Crush said:


> Yes. It's about marriage. And I want my marriage, not to be a swinger. Hence why I posted...


So you found that swinging is not your cup of tea. The issue here is not that you realize it is not what your about, it is the fact you have married a person who is into swinging. If you can accept that and remove yourself from being a part of that "leisure" activity your H partakes then your marriage has a chance. However, it appears your H has been trying to make you something your are not. A swinger. Bringing you to parties and more or less grooming you to the lifestyle. For me, that was wrong on his part.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You can't be around swingers and your H has to stop as well to strengthen your weakened marriage and repair the damage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Then put your foot down and end it.
> 
> Your husband will probably not agree to do what it takes to save your marriage but stop lying to yourself about who you are.
> 
> ...




With all due respect, my child isn't harmed by this. She has no idea this happened.


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

Thank you for all the kind words.


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

Orange_Crush said:


> With all due respect, my child isn't harmed by this. She has no idea this happened.


Sher will be harmed when your marriage blows up.


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

Popcorn2015 said:


> Sher will be harmed when your marriage blows up.


I don't think it will though because I am going to communicate with my husband tonight about how I am not into the lifestyle and I do not wish to pursue it. Hence why I posted...


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

You recognize the threat to your primary relationship and are taking steps to prevent harm. If he cannot accept that, and live with a one on one lifestyle you need to sadly, but wiser move on. 


Please read this thread by @RideofmyLife http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...icking-up-pieces-after-om-suicide-threat.html

While many points are different in your stories, the one constance is both women have come to see a lifestyle as harmful to themselves, their spouse and their marriages. Her husband at this point has attempted sucide, even though he pushed her to open up the marriage.

As to your husbands "generosity" in allowing you to swing comes with a huge compound interest rate. He is letting you build up a balance you will never be able to pay. 

Bye the way, did he have you sign a pre-nup?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Orange_Crush said:


> I don't think it will though because I am going to communicate with my husband tonight about how I am not into the lifestyle and I do not wish to pursue it. Hence why I posted...




My fear here is your H believes he has broken new ground and accomplished what he set out to do. Make you a swinger. As I posted before, it appears he groomed you into something your are not. This should be problem for you. The other issue is how your H will realize you will not swing. This is not a harmless activity like bowling. IMO it is a problematic why of living and holding a marriage together.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Orange_Crush said:


> With all due respect, my child isn't harmed by this. She has no idea this happened.


How about when she gets into her teens. Have to think long term Orange. How will her classmates treat her at that age when they find out, they will find it out.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Orange_Crush said:


> With all due respect, my child isn't harmed by this. She has no idea this happened.


Lets talk in 5 years. I've seen a lot more than you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Orange_Crush said:


> I don't think it will though because I am going to communicate with my husband tonight about how I am not into the lifestyle and I do not wish to pursue it. Hence why I posted...


While open marriages are NOT my thing, I enjoy reading many forums and have one that I found that has been doing this for many years. 

What I wanted to share is that for those that seem to enjoy the lifestyle, what goes up eventually comes back down. Sometimes a couple will find a third partner or another couple that is ideal and creates a whirlwind of excitement, but for one reason or another the party comes to an end and then the lonely search for another person/couple begins. For those that remain in the lifestyle and pursue it long term, it seems as though this cycle of finding and loosing lovers repeats itself about every few years. In stories, the current one can never live up to the excitement achieved with the previous one.

So just be aware if you get on this roller coaster and stay on it that you can not expect it to go up and stay up. It will go all over the place! Much like trying to date when you were in high school or something. 

Good luck,
Badsanta


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Hey Orange,

People are posting for your benefit. Many different view points will be given as you can see. Take as a whole, for the most part it will be advice to help you. My worries are for you, your child as she gets older and your marriage. I believe you married him with your eyes open, tried it and now it is not a fit. Time to see if marriage will survive only one of you in the lifestyle. Your peace of mind and well being. Long term issues for your child. You have a lot of thinking to do and if we can, we are here to help.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Apologies as I am not quite up to date on my threesome/swinging ... is it normal that the spouse would not be involved in the sex act itself? What I mean, you mentioned that this guy came over, your H gave him blessing to do whatever he wanted with you, all while your H took a phone call in his office (so your H had no involvement). The fact that the other guy said you needed to tell his wife your H was involved leads me to believe that something is wrong here ...


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

badsanta said:


> While open marriages are NOT my thing, I enjoy reading many forums and have one that I found that has been doing this for many years.
> 
> What I wanted to share is that for those that seem to enjoy the lifestyle, what goes up eventually comes back down. Sometimes a couple will find a third partner or another couple that is ideal and creates a whirlwind of excitement, but for one reason or another the party comes to an end and then the lonely search for another person/couple begins. For those that remain in the lifestyle and pursue it long term, it seems as though this cycle of finding and loosing lovers repeats itself about every few years. In stories, the current one can never live up to the excitement achieved with the previous one.
> 
> ...


I completely understand that and like the analogy. I also get how it feels intoxicating and like a high school relationship. I have heard it is addicting and can now understand why. There's too much of a high and a withdrawal when it is over.

I'm just not cut out for this. I feel if I keep riding this ride I won't get off and it would crash, hurting other people. So I know what needs to be done. I just need to implement it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm glad you are putting an end to this.

There is another member here at TAM and his wife acted on her feels and actual left the guy and her kid only to come a broken.. shall I say ...more broken of women then before.
This wayward wife not only has to rebuild a marriage she has to rebuild her health by detox from all the drug and booze she was doing. 

She got lucky...her husband is willing to work on it and not throw her to the curb.

Not saying this could happen to you but the point is you have no idea were this could have ended up if you continue.

So good for you....and don't let your husband talk you into something that * he* will regret!


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

ABHale said:


> Hey Orange,
> 
> People are posting for your benefit. Many different view points will be given as you can see. Take as a whole, for the most part it will be advice to help you. My worries are for you, your child as she gets older and your marriage. I believe you married him with your eyes open, tried it and now it is not a fit. Time to see if marriage will survive only one of you in the lifestyle. Your peace of mind and well being. Long term issues for your child. You have a lot of thinking to do and if we can, we are here to help.


I understand. Sorry if I came across as brash. Thank you.


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Apologies as I am not quite up to date on my threesome/swinging ... is it normal that the spouse would not be involved in the sex act itself? What I mean, you mentioned that this guy came over, your H gave him blessing to do whatever he wanted with you, all while your H took a phone call in his office (so your H had no involvement). The fact that the other guy said you needed to tell his wife your H was involved leads me to believe that something is wrong here ...


This is where I believed we straddled the line. He and I thought we would be having another threesome. H decided he didn't have time for sex, so the man an I decided to go ahead and have sex together (which DH was fine with). 

I'm guessing now his wife gave a blessing to a threesome, but not sex with me if H wasn't present. Given that romantic words were said from him when he was with me...I understand that.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Orange_Crush said:


> I understand. Sorry if I came across as brash. Thank you.


You are under a lot of stress, no problem.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
From what I have seen, most people who think that they can have casual sex are wrong. Most people enjoy sex partially because is forms an emotional connection.

I don't at all blame you for trying this, but now you know that you are like most of us - casual sex really just doesn't work. 

I actually wish I could enjoy casual sex, but I know that I can't without forming the sort of emotional attachment that would be disastrous to my marriage.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Orange_Crush said:


> This is where I believed we straddled the line. He and I thought we would be having another threesome. H decided he didn't have time for sex, so the man an I decided to go ahead and have sex together (which DH was fine with).
> 
> I'm guessing now his wife gave a blessing to a threesome, but not sex with me if H wasn't present. Given that romantic words were said from him when he was with me...I understand that.


Then he was so wrong to put you in that position. He basically cheated on his wife and is asking you to lie about it. Do not go there. If she ever asks about it, simply tell the truth.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

It worked for John & Bo Derek, so to each their own with this lifestyle. I think the important thing to think about, besides the obvious future effects on your child, is can you still stay married to him, while he is having sex with other women, because he isn't going to stop.

If he was into this before you married and of course he would be much happier if you shared in it as well, so he encouraged you, and although he may respect your decision and feelings to want to stop, I don't suspect he will.

I personally can never wrap my head around watching my spouse have sex with other people, especially in front of me, but I guess it takes fear of cheating off the table, if you have sex with whoever at will?

I'm curious to his reaction when you tell him you're done with this.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife and I have had over 5000 threesomes in the 45 years of our marriage. This is due to sharing the same girlfriend. If you check the sex forums or online porn, the current largest fantasy is to let your wife have sex with another man. It is called cuckolding. Google it. There are many reasons for why they want this but they brag about being cuckolded online to the congratulations of others. Cuckolds go as far as saying that they cannot sexually satisfy their wives even though it is always the husbands idea to do this. What has the new generation become when they cannot sexually satisfy their wives. My wife made all the same noises and faces that I see in porn ,when we had sex and was so satisfied that she would beg me to stop because she could not take anymore orgasms. 

Many years ago I was a cuckold to a girlfriend. The appeal for me was that it made my girlfriend more valuable because other men desired her and yet she always came home to me after giving them a taste of what I was getting every night. I was young and immature at the time and since feel that cuckolding objectifies woman and encourages them to have sex with others in order to satisfy a male's fetish.

More than half of men who enjoy having their wives have sex with men are biesxual even though they may be repressing it. That has been my experience and what I have read in articles published by Therapist. They use a woman as a buffer so they can feel that they are still 100% hetero even though they smell and taste the other man on their wife. This is exactly how my wife behaved before she came out as bi. She set me up with her friends and then had sex with me afterwards when she could taste her friend on me. Other reasons exist too from sperm competition, degrading your wife, watching a live porn show and then going home with the star, etc..

Your issue is unfortunately a common one. The husband convinces his wife to do this and then tricks her until he no longer takes part. It is easier to get your wife to have sex with another male when she has the safety of her husband in bed. Most wives do not want to have sex with other men. What man wants a wife who wants other men and yet does not allow their husbands the same right to pleasure with other woman? We are now in the area of psychological issues where women are to be worshipped and allowed pleasure while the man is not. It appears that he got you where he wanted you to be; having sex with another man without him there so he can fantasize about what happened and perhaps listening in while masturbating. Read about Cuckolding and you will see what is going on very quickly.

The problem with any fetish that brings another man or woman into a marriage is that while it is arousing to think about when you are not feeling any emotions, the reality of it floods you with emotions of guilt, jealousy or many others. Once done it cannot be undone. You have been unfaithful to your husband, which like most wives is something they never wanted to do. You may also feel that you violated your personal morals and wondering why your husband does not love you enough to want you all to himself and why is he using you to satisfy his fetish?

I cuckolded a few husbands, one for 25 years, all with their knowledge and blessing. I have been on both sides of this so I can talk about it from lots of experience. It takes a certain kind of woman to be comfortable having sex with strangers. If you look at so called amateur porn, the "wives" have tattoos, piercings and seem comfortable with strangers in bed. 

My wife tried it and like you, said that sex without an emotional bond was not enjoyable and wanted no part of that. She regrets it to this day because she wanted to be a faithful wife and now she is not. Then there is the danger that if you do it with someone you have some sort of feelings for, you may fall in love with him. It is not uncommon for wife to run off with a lover. Both of the wives with cuckold husbands eventually asked me if I would marry them if they left their husband. The cuckold who was divorcd by his previous wife said that she told him that she wanted a man who loved her enough to like her to have other lovers and sex with strangers, just like the husbands of her friends. 

My advice to young couples interested in this lifestyle is that unless both spouses are 100% comfortable with it, they should not do it. I find it funny that they claim it takes a strong marriage to do it while in actuality, it is a sign of a marriage in trouble because the husband has a need to see his wife with other men to get sexually aroused and the wife is comfortable having sex with others. When you invite others into your marriage, it is a minefield with more mines than fields and once you look online you will notice that there are no, or very few, into that lifestyle who have been married for a long time. What you will find is that most of the posts you read are young men living their fantasy sex life online. Many more post about what they do, than actually do it. Then along comes somebody who believes them and and tries it. Then one or both regret it. All of my friends into sharing their wives lost their wives to one of the men she had sex with. 

I am one of the lucky ones, but most of our threesomes were with a woman who was almost like family to us before it got sexual. We loved her before we even saw her naked.  Most others have wives that have sex with people that their spouse does not love at all and that is different than sharing someone in a threesome where all three love each other. We lasted, the others did not. Good luck and have a frank talk with your husband to find out why he is doing what he is doing. When I ask cuckolds why they enjoy letting their wives give their body to anyone, they say that it turns them on, both want it and it does not hurt anyone (except the marriage eventually) but never look into the psychological reasons why it arouses them. You are lucky that your husband is not trying to follow the ideal cuckold dream of a wife who has sex with a big black man with a huge penis and loves being stretched and having her cervix pounded so she is sore for days afterwards. Some want their wives to get pregnant by black guys so that the whole world knows that they are a cuckold. It can be a very weird world at times. Try to discover why your husband is aroused by having you have sex with other guys. Do not accept his answer of it turns him on. Ask him why it turns him on. Then ask him if you can have sex with anyone you want and do anything you can. That is when you will see the rules being made because a cuckold has to feel that he is in control. That everyone involved is an actor in his fantasy. If he tells you he is doing it for your pleasure, thank him and then tell him that you wish he does not get involved at all with your outside lovers and see what he says about that.

As someone who lived on both sides of this issue my advice is not to do it unless you are both into it and as you will find if you research Psychologist who deal with this fetish, the worse thing you can do is do it with a friend that your wife may have some emotional bond with. I lost a fiancee that way. Best to hire an Escort of find someone who is very familiar with being the third in a threesome for the couple. Also have rules as to what can and cannot be done. Right now it sounds like your husband is in control and unless you enjoy being manipulated this way, take back control over your body. As I said, just try to find older people or long married people who are still married after introducing other men into their marriage. 

Here is something else to think about. Like your husband is probably thinking, I thought that by having my girlfriend have sex with my best friend, he would think I was a great guy and good friend for doing it. In fact, he always thanked me and told me I was a real pal for sharing. Behind my back he was telling others that I was not able to sexually satisfy my girlfriend and I had to bring in other men to do what I could not. Some heard it as me having a sl*t for a girlfriend who did all sorts of kinky things with them. All of a sudden my other friends were visiting me more often and flirting with my gf. My point is that if you involve friends in this, they will eventually tell others and they will feature themselves as the irresistible stud in the telling. Nothing good ever comes from this. We even had one guy think that since I let him have sex with my wife, he was now her boyfriend and kept contacting her to have a repeat without her husband so she did not have to hold back.

Do what you want because I did, but I have never come across any other married couple who had a love relationship with another woman that worked. I will say that it can work for those couples who do it once or twice a year for fun but if it becomes an obsession, there is a problem somewhere. What puzzles me the most is that the guy does not want the same freedom to have sex with other women. Why? That tells me that three is something going on more than just doing it for your pleasure. I never had a girlfriend or wife have sex with others unless I could do the same. I do not believe that women are superior creatures worthy of more pleasure than me. To think that is not a normal way of viewing reality. A sex game is one thing but to actually believe that you are deserving of humiliation and domination, is probably a problem.

Just a quick real life story. I knew a woman whose husband was bugging her to have sex with another guy so that he could be a cuckold. She said no but he kept at it. Then one night she returned home after going out with her girlfriends and told her husband that he was now a cuckold. He did not believe her until she produced a Magnum sized condom filled with semen that she had obtained from one of her girlfriends whose boyfriend used them. 

After that she would go our and even stay in a motel for the evening and return with stories about many orgams, huge penises or whatever her husband was into. Most of the wives of cuckolds that I dated used to call them up at the end of the night. I was banished from listening in because the outrageous stories they told their husband about what we did, made me laugh. We could have just went out to dinner and then watched a movie in bed and called it a night. Yet, when she called her cuckold, she told him of many orgasms in all kinds of positions and she does not know how much longer she can have sex with her husband now that she was so used to real men. It was very funny how her cuckold wanted to hear how sexually inadequate he was and not as good looking as the other guys she had sex with. Yet when I met the cuckolds, they all considered themselves as alpha males and redefined what being a man means to suit their circumstances. You will even see things like "are you man enough to let your wife have sex with other men?" This is how they think. They have to make themselves believe that what they do is manly, even if they are wearing panties while watching their wife tell the guy she is having sex with that he is so much better than her husband. 

It is a crazy world and I suggest you Google "Cuckolding". It will open your eyes up. One other thing. If you do this once or twice a year, no harm done. I have met couples in Vegas who go there twice a year so that the husband can watch his wife with a well built paid Escort. Somethings his wife watches him. It scratches the itch we all have to have sex with someone else once in a while but under controlled conditions with someone who is not going to call you up for another "date" every week.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Thanks again Vin! :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Orange_Crush,

The swinger mentality is a variation on the serial cheater mentality and the swinger lifestyle is equally addictive and difficult to stop you are going to have to be very firm in setting boundaries.

How will it effect your child, well at the very least your child should not be made an orphan when both parents have AIDs. 

Tamat


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

TAMAT said:


> Orange_Crush,
> 
> The swinger mentality is a variation on the serial cheater mentality and the swinger lifestyle is equally addictive and difficult to stop you are going to have to be very firm in setting boundaries.
> 
> ...



:| Okay...you CAN have sex with people using condoms, getting tested regularly and being selective of your partners without getting AIDS.

You sound like a high school gym teacher trying to teach abstinence, "You will get pregnant, get AIDS and die if you have sex!!"

Please take the grand standing, morality preaching elsewhere. Lets stick to the topic about feelings after a threesome, and not turn this into an afterschool special, ok?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

TAMAT said:


> swinger mentality is a variation on the serial cheater mentality



A serial cheater = a stealthy ninja swinger 










A swinger = a very awkward and retarded serial cheater.

























see attached photo for where to find the stealth kitty!


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

I'll tag on to say thanks to Vinnie for his post. Sure that wasn't easy to write. Darn educational for an old vanilla guy like me. Ought to be required reading for the almost weekly post on here from the husband who is seeking a blessing on opening up his marriage. One heck of a wake up call.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

I am worried about your husband grooming you as well.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

all I have to say is 'Medic'


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

EVG39 said:


> I'll tag on to say thanks to Vinnie for his post. Sure that wasn't easy to write. Darn educational for an old vanilla guy like me. Ought to be required reading for the almost weekly post on here from the husband who is seeking a blessing on opening up his marriage. One heck of a wake up call.


Absolutely. It makes all the guilt I had fighting against the destructiveness about such a lifestyle go away.

It also shows how sex isn't without emotions. Sex without emotions to me makes no sense. If we mean sex without love or commitment, I understand that. But emotions are wrapped up in every second of our lives. Sex is just a channel of the whole spectrum of emotions we have.

Those women lost all respect for a man who did not feel possessive of them and fell for men that did. That just makes gut sense to me as a woman. The whole "contracts" and "keeping emotions out of it" seemed quite silly to me. I would lose all respect for my husband if he wanted to share me and wasn't possessive of me apart from losing respect for him for viewing me as a pawn in his fetish game.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
life is full of risks. There are some physical risks from swinging - just as there are from various extreme sports. As long as the participants recognize the risks and take reasonable measures to protect themselves it is their choice. 

I see nothing morally wrong with swinging, 3somes etc. I just have observed that most people do not have the sort of emotional makeup that allows them to enjoy that lifestyle For the minority who do - please enjoy yourselves!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Orange_Crush said:


> With all due respect, my child isn't harmed by this. She has no idea this happened.


*The sad fact of the matter is that one day in the distant future, your child might come to find out what it was that you did!

So how will you go about telling her? And regardless of whether she comes to fully learn the unfettered "truth" about its sordid occurrence, just what life lesson in civil morality does this act present to her?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Besides it being deeply disturbing that your husband groomed you to try get into swinging with a 1 year old at home, he seems so detached from you. To coldly stay working in home office while he lets some guy have his way with his wife & mother of his child seems so wrong. It was like that guy came to the house to borrow a pair plyers or a lawn mower. "Hey Joe, sorry I got to finish these spreadsheets. But she's in there, help yourself." 

But you were not innocent either. You found a guy that you had a connection with and pursued sex and then later intimacy with this guy. Not in purely sexual way but like a WW just that you had permission. Your husband's obsession with this lifestyle blinded him from noticing or caring that his wife started to attach to another man. If this continues, you'll find yourself trading your loyalties to this man. That's where this lifestyle leads to divorce and the wrecking your child's stability.

Most woman are not able to have sex with multiple men and not suffer emotional issues. You're like an average woman that is not able live this lifestyle. Knowing that, you need to NEVER have sex with that guy again. You know the danger he poses. It's now time for you to do some grooming. Your husband needs to be pulled away from this lifestyle, if you want to have a lifetime stable marriage and healthy family life.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Orange_Crush said:


> :| Okay...you CAN have sex with people using condoms, getting tested regularly and being selective of your partners without getting AIDS.
> 
> You sound like a high school gym teacher trying to teach abstinence, "You will get pregnant, get AIDS and die if you have sex!!"
> 
> Please take the grand standing, morality preaching elsewhere. Lets stick to the topic about feelings after a threesome, and not turn this into an afterschool special, ok?


Feelings are what get people into trouble. Don't snap at someone for recommending that you adopt some ethics and morals. Without values and a creed to live by, you would be nothing more than a rickety, vibrating bucket of emotional confetti. Values keep you grounded and focused. 

Here is some preaching: I think your husband is a con artist. He pimped you out for his own pleasure, tricked you into cuckolding him so he could get his rocks off, and you were foolish enough to go along with it. Now you are confused and hurting and trying to make sense of the mess he led you into. 

But then I'm an old-fashioned jerk. So what do I know?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *The sad fact of the matter is that one day in the distant future, your child might come to find out what it was that you did!
> 
> So how will you go about telling her? And just what life lesson in morality does this act present to her?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have a good friend who absolutely detests his parents because they were into swinging and key parties. He will have nothing to do with them. He's in his mid 40s and I don't think he has spoken to them in over twenty years.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I have yet to meet one woman in my years on this planet that didn't emotionally attach to a man after sex, even if it took a while because she was resisting it, even if that man was not a husband/bf, even if she was already happily married, even that man was no Adonis, even ad infinitum. 

I have no less than a bus full of female acquaintances that thought they could maintain a no-strings, it's-just-sex approach, so that their lives would never get complicated. Some were married, some single. Guess how much Häagen-Dazs a bus full of women consumes? 

OP, I'm not going to tell you your lifestyle is wrong, but if you are for saving your marriage, then you and your husband need to sit down, close the floodgates, and do some intense, marriage building therapy. 

Like Bandit said, I think your husband has manipulated you and you agreed to it, when really I read that you had misgivings (that was my take in any case). A bridge crossed cannot be uncrossed. You would not be the first woman to be molded to suit a fetish or desire. The important thing is that you must want this life choice with all your heart, and if you don't, then you say no and you mean it. 

If, however, this is the life you desire, then my advice still stands. Look inward to repair the damage. Cut this other man from your lives completely and never go back to him. Spend at least 6 months in a marriage, just you and your husband. He MUST be on board or it won't work. Figure out what you REALLY want, then go for it with all your heart. 

I am not for open marriage personally, but I know we have some posters here who are, because they have a system that works for them. I think your system broke, so repair things first with the man that helps pay the bills, holds your head over the bucket while you puke, ignores your farting in the bed, and doesn't mind your beauty [email protected] taking up the whole bathroom.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Satya said:


> *I have yet to meet one woman in my years on this planet that didn't emotionally attach to a man after sex, even if it took a while because she was resisting it, even if that man was not a husband/bf, even if she was already happily married, even that man was no Adonis, even ad infinitum.*
> 
> I have no less than a bus full of female acquaintances that thought they could maintain a no-strings, it's-just-sex approach, so that their lives would never get complicated. Some were married, some single. Guess how much Häagen-Dazs a bus full of women consumes?
> 
> ...


*And even for the "trusting naive," much like myself, who totally loved my RSXW beyond measure, and thought that she could never even begin to think of perpetuating wrong, much less infidelity against me!

And then, both while married and living with me, as well as later being under the cover and justification of her "trial" separation from me, all while she was off covertly seeing and physically satisfying her sexual desires with two men, and then brazenly messaging both guys about the lurid and enjoyable details of her sexual rendezvous' with them on social media message boards to them that she "never" thought would ever meet my eyes ~ what you say, @Satya ~ wrings so true; and so vividly brings back seeing those hurtful words, and realizing the full and penetrable pain, greatly to the point that coming from the woman who I so dearly loved, was much like being run over by a Mack truck!

And then with nothing left of me but the sheer remnants of my astounded but "still-feeling" remains being summarily scraped up off the highway by the EMS crew!

Let's just say that this is a blindsided pain that I could never even begin to wish upon my very worst enemy!!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Don't be a fool. More partners means more possibilities for STD's and getting pregnant by any man that sticks his dyck in you.
> 
> Don't pretend to be intelligent and act like any precaution is 100%.
> 
> ...


Since you choose to continue to belittle me, please get off this thread. I have no idea what happened in your life to make you feel the way you obviously feel, but take it elsewhere.


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

intheory said:


> @Orange_Crush
> 
> I don't know about how this would affect your little, one-year-old daughter in the future (hopefully, not at all). But, when this guy came over to your house; was she there? That's probably not cool. I mean, who knows what he's really like?
> 
> ...


NO My toddler was not in the house while this was going on. WTF? Why would that even be assumed?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Orange_Crush said:


> NO My toddler was not in the house while this was going on. WTF? Why would that even be assumed?


Because without knowing, we only have assumptions. We can only know what you share. Children absorb much more than we realize, at a younger age than we think.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Orange_Crush said:


> NO My toddler was not in the house while this was going on. WTF? Why would that even be assumed?


*So if your baby daughter was not at home during this rendezvous, then where was she? Doesn't the mere placing her somewhere else suggest that your lurid desires for being alone with a nice piece of strange, that was greatly condoned by your obviously cuckolded H, outweigh the justifiable need of an infant child to be with it's mother?
Exactly whose needs takes precedence here?

If these are "loaded questions, then so be it!

 Ces pas? *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *So if your baby daughter was not at home during this rendezvous, then where was she? Doesn't the mere placing her somewhere else suggest that your lurid desires for being alone with a nice piece of strange, that was greatly condoned by your obviously cuckolded H, outweigh the justifiable need of an infant child to be with it's mother?
> Exactly whose needs takes precedence here?
> 
> If these are "loaded questions, then so be it!
> ...


Oh please. My parents live out of state and every once in a while take our daughter for several days to spend time with her. They enjoy it and so does she. 
Let's not try to paint an assumption that the act of a threesome makes me a horrible parent, shall we? Moving on...


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I'm confused on what you want out of this thread? You've shot everyone down that has commented, practically??

My take on it is very simple. You can't have sex, without emotions getting involved, unless you change partners frequently. Swinging and marriage can't co exist, at least in the traditional marriage sense, but morals, right and wrong is all left to interpretations now, no black and white, just grey.

I think you are discovering this, but if your husband hasn't, it will no longer work. If you lose your desire to have sex with other men, you will soon not want him doing it either and he's not going to stop, it's his lifestyle, not hobby.

I see it ending badly, unfortunately for everyone. Good luck.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

I understand about shooting people down in threads that you have started. You don't trust us, we are strangers on a screen and some of the advice has been phrased very harshly. 

I have left forums before because of the behavior towards me so I completely understand.

Look at the posters who have responded respectfully to you and who are empathizing with you. They are giving you their honest, empathetic opinion.

Do you want to take that into consideration or not? You have the choice to not. 

But then this thread may be of no use to you. And that is ok. Not everyone needs to hear the advice of strangers.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Orange_Crush said:


> Oh please. My parents live out of state and every once in a while take our daughter for several days to spend time with her. They enjoy it and so does she.
> Let's not try to paint an assumption that the act of a threesome makes me a horrible parent, shall we? Moving on...


*Well then! Do you parents know about your tryst? With an ounce of certainty, I'm all but positive that they didn't raise you that way or never ever personally adhered to that type of sexual behavior when you were an infant!

But if the answer to my query is a certified "yes," then I'll sadly move on and out of this discussion!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Yeswecan said:


> My fear here is your H believes he has broken new ground and accomplished what he set out to do. Make you a swinger. As I posted before, it appears he groomed you into something your are not. This should be problem for you. The other issue is how your H will realize you will not swing. This is not a harmless activity like bowling. IMO it is a problematic why of living and holding a marriage together.


I respectfully disagree, as well as with the others who assume she was "groomed".

What I read was that OP wilfully took part in this, of her own accord. No, it's not something she had done before marriage, and yes, hubby is a swinger. So what? My wife has been turned on to many things she hadn't tried before she met me, and vice versa. Not quite to this degree, of course, but all the same.

OP went into this marriage knowing that her husband was in that lifestyle. Sure, hubby may have encouraged her a little bit, but according to her, it took some time. She was not adamant about NOT doing it, she just wanted to take baby steps.

Furthermore, once she was introduced (slowly) to it, she found she rather enjoyed it. To the point where she had no problems having sex with another man in her bed while hubby was in the house, fully aware that she was getting laid by this other guy. Or, on the other occasion, going back and forth between the two of them.

So, the idea of swinging/an open relationship DID actually appeal to OP.

The problem lies in that fact that she developed feelings for this other guy, NOT that she was somehow forced into the swinging lifestyle. Her only guilt from this was that she realized she liked him and wanted more, NOT that she had sex with him.

So good for her, TBH. Rather than have her cake and eat it, too, she put a stop to it, and wants to remain emotionally loyal to her husband. That is not a bad thing...

The main issue at this moment is how hubby is going to react to this. Is he going to accept it, and quit the lifestyle, or is he going to continue it by himself? Or worse, is he going to insist she try again with another person?

As far as I'm concerned, the only way into this lifestyle is via another person, or couple. There has to be some sort of introduction to it. OP got it, apparently LIKED it, but is mature enough to admit that feelings got the best of her. Not sure why everybody's railing on her about that.

That said - OP, you're best not to try it again with somebody else. I'm sure it's possible you can be with another man and not have feelings for them, but all the same, is it worth it to try, and then have a repeat of the first time? Follow your gut, and don't allow yourself to be persuaded by your husband, should he go that route. IMO, you gave it a good try, it didn't work the way you hoped, no harm, no foul.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Curious OP:

1) Did you talk to your H last night, and if so, how did it go?

2) If he is adamant about continuing with the swinging/threesome lifestyle, are you ok with that? Not you participating, but let's say he is fine if you don't want a part in but he would like to still participate in?

3) Have your feelings for your H changed since not only does he not have an issue sharing you, but seemed to be perfectly ok with you having an intimate "couples only" romp with another guy?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

alexm said:


> I respectfully disagree, as well as with the others who assume she was "groomed".
> 
> What I read was that OP wilfully took part in this, of her own accord. No, it's not something she had done before marriage, and yes, hubby is a swinger. So what? My wife has been turned on to many things she hadn't tried before she met me, and vice versa. Not quite to this degree, of course, but all the same.
> 
> ...


And that is grooming or coaching. Either way, encouragement to try was there. Everything you have written points to grooming.


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

alexm said:


> I respectfully disagree, as well as with the others who assume she was "groomed".
> 
> What I read was that OP wilfully took part in this, of her own accord. No, it's not something she had done before marriage, and yes, hubby is a swinger. So what? My wife has been turned on to many things she hadn't tried before she met me, and vice versa. Not quite to this degree, of course, but all the same.
> 
> ...


THANK YOU. You and a handful of others have actually given a solid interpretation of the events that transpired. I have no idea where people are getting that my husband is a sexual predator, I'm an awful person for trying this, my toddler will somehow find out what happened and end up emotionally crippled, and I will end up dying because I had protected sex with another man. 

I had no idea this forum was filled with the morality police who have such huge imaginations. But thank you to those who gave helpful advice. I tried it, I wanted to try it, and now I'm done with it.


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## Orange_Crush (Jan 26, 2016)

woundedwarrior said:


> I'm confused on what you want out of this thread? You've shot everyone down that has commented, practically??
> 
> My take on it is very simple. You can't have sex, without emotions getting involved, unless you change partners frequently. Swinging and marriage can't co exist, at least in the traditional marriage sense, but morals, right and wrong is all left to interpretations now, no black and white, just grey.
> 
> ...


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Learning that my parents had been swingers would not have bothered me at all. Certainly less than my gradual realization that they spent most of their lives trying too avoid seeing each other.





arbitrator said:


> *The sad fact of the matter is that one day in the distant future, your child might come to find out what it was that you did!
> 
> So how will you go about telling her? And regardless of whether she comes to fully learn the unfettered "truth" about its sordid occurrence, just what life lesson in civil morality does this act present to her?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Why do you make such negative assumptions about the OP? She wanted to try swinging - and discovered the same problems that many others have had when they tried it. 

I see nothing to suggest that she in any way endangered, or mistreated her child. 

Its fine for people to be morally opposed to swinging, sex outside of marriage, sex in other than missionary position or whatever, but they have to realize that there are a wide variety of sexual morals out there. There is no point trying to argue morals with people outside of discussions of actual harm done to people. 







arbitrator said:


> *So if your baby daughter was not at home during this rendezvous, then where was she? Doesn't the mere placing her somewhere else suggest that your lurid desires for being alone with a nice piece of strange, that was greatly condoned by your obviously cuckolded H, outweigh the justifiable need of an infant child to be with it's mother?
> Exactly whose needs takes precedence here?
> 
> If these are "loaded questions, then so be it!
> ...


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Orange-Crush, 
First off, I am not trying to judge you. Lord knows I'm not one worthy of judging anyone, although I do not agree with threesomes. Part of me would love to try and the other part says "NO."

I will try to answer your OP as simply and succinctly as possible.

Think of marriage as an imaginary bubble. On the edges of this bubble exist affairs, threesomes, emotional affairs, porn, resentment, anger, neglect, etc. etc. etc. Some of these are closer to the edge than others and there are MANY other things that push you toward the edge of this bubble. If your goal is to stay married you need to try and stay closer to the center of this bubble.
If you wander or stay too close to the edge for long enough, the likelihood of bursting that bubble is increased.

That's all I got to say.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

@OP:
What do you want to do?


Do you want to continue this lifestyle.
OR
Do you want both you and and your husband to quit it.
OR
Do you want to quit it but are fine with your husband continuing this.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Orange_Crush said:


> This is my first post so here it goes *Deep breath*
> 
> My husband and I have been married for seven months. We have a one year old and have been together for five years. My DH and I have a significant age difference. Before we started dating, he was involved in the "lifestyle". He was usually the plus one in a threesome for couples. He remained friends with many of these couples and has been up front about how much the swinger lifestyle turns him on.
> 
> ...


How large is this "significant age difference?"


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Orange, 

life is full of experiences Good, Bad and indifference, it is only in those experiences that we better understand ourselves, you have come to a better understanding of yourself, others may think that they can understand themselves with out certain experiences and good for them...so good for you in understanding what you want and need in a relationship, the swinging lifestyle is not your cup of tea and its not for many...including myself, but there are some who can depart sex from love and more power to them if they can....it does not make for bad people, just different. More importantly, does your husband respect your feelings and concerns?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Orange_Crush said:


> THANK YOU. You and a handful of others have actually given a solid interpretation of the events that transpired. I have no idea where people are getting that my husband is a sexual predator, I'm an awful person for trying this, my toddler will somehow find out what happened and end up emotionally crippled, and I will end up dying because I had protected sex with another man.
> 
> I had no idea this forum was filled with the morality police who have such huge imaginations. But thank you to those who gave helpful advice. I tried it, I wanted to try it, and now I'm done with it.


Life is often filled with people who have been hurt and/or taught sexual disgust by society. What you get is their own frustrations and anger towards sexuality aimed and vented at you in order to serve as a scapegoat. 

Like I mentioned earlier, the idea of an open marriage is NOT for me. To be candid my own personal reasoning is that a marital and sexually active relationship is extraordinary complex in terms of dynamics. Adding additional people into that world to me would be like trying to practice guitar while driving on the interstate. While perhaps it might be fun, it would only be a little natural to overreact if you saw this video with kids sitting in the back seat:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tm6z5NswzeU

Otherwise it is rather bizarre to pass by a guy on the freeway to see him driving and playing guitar at the same time! Most people will likely pass by and actually be amazed and want to do a second take to see of what they saw was actually real.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

I've known people who were able to use recreational drugs without much, if any, negative consequences in their lives. I've also known people who utterly derailed their lives as a result of the same drugs. What works for some people doesn't for others.

In a similar vein I've heard of people who can successfully live this lifestyle - but obviously - this isn't a good fit for you. (They do seem to have better established rules in place though such as no second visits with anyone to avoid emotional entanglements.) No matter. 

You and hubby need to come to a meeting of the minds on this. I don't know if you'd be ok with him having some side action while you don't but I do recommend a good MC to help you through this.

My last thought is marriage is hard enough, complicated enough and stress full enough between two people, tossing in a third person(s) into the relationship is asking for trouble.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Yeswecan said:


> And that is grooming or coaching. Either way, encouragement to try was there. Everything you have written points to grooming.


And this is what OP wrote directly underneath your post, above:



Orange_Crush said:


> I tried it, I wanted to try it, and now I'm done with it.


You're making assumptions and assuming the worst of people who do not share the same interests or lifestyles as your own.

FWIW, swinging is not in my wheelhouse, either, nor do I quite understand it. But there's a lot of things I don't understand, and I don't automatically assume they are necessarily bad things, or done by bad people.


*ETA - have you never encouraged your partner or SO to try something they have never tried before? Is that really grooming - particularly if that person knew full well that you were into whatever-it-is you're into? And I'm not only talking about sex.

In this case, I would actually agree with you had hubby decided, at some point after being married, that this is something he wanted to try, and therefore pushed his wife to doing so over a course of time, unrelentingly, and pouting every time she said no, or wasn't sure.

Instead, OP clearly stated that he was already involved in that lifestyle, she knew full well about it, and yet - gasp- she still married him! I am reasonably certain that if there was not already a comfort level with that sort of thing, she would have turned tail and ran. My wife sure would have, long before she was my wife. But no, OP was curious, and when she found the courage to try this, she did.

Furthermore, she attended events where other people were naked and getting it on, and (presumably) got it on with her husband while there, and probably happily so (if not a little nervous). Although I am not in this lifestyle, I do know that events such as this are generally well-screened to ensure that everybody is there for the same reason, that nobody is there unwillingly, and that nobody there is a predator. In other words, respect and acceptance are the main keys involved. Had she not been there of her own free will, it wouldn't have taken a rocket scientist to see that on her from the other people in attendance.

Nor would her acceptance of the other guy literally making a date to have sex with her in her own house and bed, while hubby was busy puttering around elsewhere. That does not exactly scream "forced" to me, or to anybody else who does not have an automatic bias towards things they do not understand.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Well then! Do you parents know about your tryst? With an ounce of certainty, I'm all but positive that they didn't raise you that way or never ever personally adhered to that type of sexual behavior when you were an infant!*


*

WTF does that have to do with anything here? 

She is a grown adult, she isn't a little child. What her parents would want her to do as a baby has no relevance whatsoever.*


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Satya said:


> Because without knowing, we only have assumptions. We can only know what you share.


Unfortunately TAM has a large contingent who take what is posted, apply their own personal bias to make their own assumptions and then repost those assumptions as absolute fact. We so often see "There is no doubt that .....", "I can say with 100% certainty that ......", "You know there have been others as well ........." and then following posters take those comments as fact and reply on them until the thread is debating a whole load of issues that weren't even hinted at.

In many ways this supposed support group can be the worst place for someone who is unsure or apprehensive to come. They come for help and are met with responses seeking to prove that the OPs situation is as bad as, or worse than, their own.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Although I feel I was respectful, I really had no business replying to a lifestyle that I know little about or have absolutely no interest in.

I will say though, I've never had sex where my emotions didn't run like wildfire. I guess that explains why I've had 3 partners, married 2 and was engaged to the other. That was a slow weekend for some of my friends, back in the college days. lol


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## Aub85 (Jan 24, 2016)

To each his or her own but I would be VERY concerned about a husband who invites others in to the bedroom and especially without him being in there. You are not a toy that can be loaned to friends or whoever. If you don't straighten him out your marriage won't last 3 years. I have known couples that were in this type of relationship and as of now its 99% failure.

Again, look at yourself and then take a look at your child. You are better than this and certainly deserve better than to be loaned out to service his so called friends,


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

WonkyNinja said:


> Unfortunately TAM has a large contingent who take what is posted, apply their own personal bias to make their own assumptions and then repost those assumptions as absolute fact. We so often see "There is no doubt that .....", "I can say with 100% certainty that ......", "You know there have been others as well ........." and then following posters take those comments as fact and reply on them until the thread is debating a whole load of issues that weren't even hinted at.
> 
> In many ways this supposed support group can be the worst place for someone who is unsure or apprehensive to come. They come for help and are met with responses seeking to prove that the OPs situation is as bad as, or worse than, their own.


I get what you're saying, but it's a public forum. Anyone can say what they think (provided it doesn't break rules) and anyone can choose to ignore it or listen to it. Some are going to post from personal experience, some from a more objective viewpoint. 

You mentioned seeking advice. Advice on a public forum is going to come in all forms. If I posted saying I only wanted helpful advice that met with what I wanted to hear, I'd hope someone would tell me to call a girlfriend instead of posting. But that's just my opinion. A girlfriend would be much more sympathetic if the topic was a sensitive one. 

Anonymity and venting are convenient perks here, but there's no forum guarantee that you won't have to sift through things you don't like or agree with.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

woundedwarrior said:


> Although I feel I was respectful, I really had no business replying to a lifestyle that I know little about or have absolutely no interest in.
> 
> I will say though, I've never had sex where my emotions didn't run like wildfire. I guess that explains why I've had 3 partners, married 2 and was engaged to the other. That was a slow weekend for some of my friends, back in the college days. lol


I'm with you. 4 partners, married 2. And yes, the other 2, emotions were involved, even though in one case, I didn't plan on it working out that way.

Some people are cut out for casual sex, some aren't. Same with swinging.

I feel that OP figured this out with her first experience, and that's not a bad thing at all. The handful of people in this thread (and others about this subject) are quick to say "I told you so" or "What did you expect?", but those are based on how they live their own lives.

It would be easy for me to say those same things, as sex and emotion go hand-in-hand for me. But maturity and the understanding that it does not for everybody prevents me from feeling that way. Hell, my own wife separates sex and emotions, and always has. If she actually had a sex drive to speak of, she'd be a good candidate for this lifestyle, I think!


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

alexm said:


> I'm with you. 4 partners, married 2. And yes, the other 2, emotions were involved, even though in one case, I didn't plan on it working out that way.
> 
> Some people are cut out for casual sex, some aren't. Same with swinging.
> 
> ...


My wife does the same thing and I wish I could too. We could have sex daily or yearly and the dynamic of our marriage stays the same. Sex is a verb for her and an adjective for me, an action vs an experience. Non bonding sex is a deal breaker for me.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Orange, Can you tell us how you pictured or picture your marriage going? You married your husband, knowing he was a swinger and you were okay with it. Did you think he would stop, after you had kids or were married a while, did you think that you would eventually like it too?

How would you feel if he kept going, while you decided not too?

How would this affect your child or children, down the road. If it kept going on, as they got older, they would figure it out? I'm just respectfully asking these questions to see if you had really thought about them long-term??? "Them" meaning the issues and not necessarily the children.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

alexm said:


> And this is what OP wrote directly underneath your post, above:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I do not believe the OP had a pre-conceived notion with conducting a threesome before the relationship. She was aware of your H activity. Then introduced at parties. Once OP was fully involved did it occur to her that this did not seem right at all.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Aub85 said:


> To each his or her own but I would be VERY concerned about a husband who invites others in to the bedroom and especially without him being in there. You are not a toy that can be loaned to friends or whoever. If you don't straighten him out your marriage won't last 3 years. I have known couples that were in this type of relationship and as of now its 99% failure.
> 
> Again, look at yourself and then take a look at your child. You are better than this and certainly deserve better than to be loaned out to service his so called friends,


If you read her post that is not what happened at all. 

After consideration she decided that she would like to try this lifestyle and enjoyed the first time, she invited the other guy back and was surprised when H didn't take part so he never loaned her out to anyone. She doesn't seem to regret the events, she shouldn't have to, but realizes that she can't do this without developing feelings and that is not good for her marriage.

Her issue is telling H that she tried this lifestyle and it doesn't work for her when he seems to want it.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

You are handling this correctly, swinging is not for everyone and if you are unable to keep emotions out of it then you should take a break or stop all together. Even though we have been open for many years at one point both of us have let emotions nearly bring someone between us. This is why we rarely have ever had a regular 3rd and much prefer to have couples. It is easier for all involved. We also don't go for one on one meets nor one on one communications so everyone knows everything. 

Like you we have young kids and NEVER play when they are or will be home. We don't arrange to have them gone so we can play either, we only arrange to play when we already know they will be at the grands or with friends. No matter what they won't know about this part of our relationship unless they find out as adults.


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Orange_Crush said:


> I completely understand that and like the analogy. I also get how it feels intoxicating and like a high school relationship. I have heard it is addicting and can now understand why. There's too much of a high and a withdrawal when it is over.
> 
> I'm just not cut out for this. I feel if I keep riding this ride I won't get off and it would crash, hurting other people. So I know what needs to be done. I just need to implement it.


Women are the most advance sexual animal on the planet! New lovers are the ultimate high!...and its all natural. Mother nature through evolution made new lovers the ultimate high making promiscuous sexual behavior addicting. Keeping you child safe is now a priority. 

Before the written word and religionist beliefs took control of women sexuality. Women were promiscuous leaving the males to wonder who was the father. The males in a village would protect all the women and children in return. 

You we're taught to believe you would fall in love with one man for life. Now you have fallen in love with two men. Both of those men will protect you. You can have lots of lovers and they all will protect you. 

Your husband is committed to protecting you and your child for life and you can't handle your own sexuality. 

I wouldn't follow most advice here. I believer most women have become sexually dysfunction in our society. 70% can't have orgasms with intercourse alone and JAMA report 43% of all American women are sexually dysfunctional. All of these forums on the internet are full women and the frustrated men married to them. Most if not all share the common belief of monogamous relationships. 

I hope you find the right answer that works for you and your family.


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## prospect (Feb 26, 2012)

Good grief! What a load of hogwash!


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## Aub85 (Jan 24, 2016)

Her words were:

Last week I caved and texted him. I told DH I wanted to have another threesome. He said SURE!. The man ended up coming over last night and having sex but it wasn't a threesome because DH was in the home office working. He greeted the guy, waved, told him he had to take a phone call and to have fun.

Sounds like a loan to me


WonkyNinja said:


> If you read her post that is not what happened at all.
> 
> After consideration she decided that she would like to try this lifestyle and enjoyed the first time, she invited the other guy back and was surprised when H didn't take part so he never loaned her out to anyone. She doesn't seem to regret the events, she shouldn't have to, but realizes that she can't do this without developing feelings and that is not good for her marriage.
> 
> Her issue is telling H that she tried this lifestyle and it doesn't work for her when he seems to want it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

prospect said:


> Good grief! What a load of hogwash!


Agreed but old Melvyn does crack me up! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Geez. This whole subject is so alien to me. I mean, the only question that I can muster is: why the hell get married in the first place??


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Aub85 said:


> Her words were:
> 
> Last week I caved and texted him. I told DH I wanted to have another threesome. He said SURE!. The man ended up coming over last night and having sex but it wasn't a threesome because DH was in the home office working. He greeted the guy, waved, told him he had to take a phone call and to have fun.
> 
> Sounds like a loan to me


If H had rung the guy and said "come around you can have my wife" that would have been a loan, when she texted him to come round that was an invite.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Rushwater said:


> Geez. This whole subject is so alien to me. I mean, the only question that I can muster is: why the hell get married in the first place??


My thoughts exactly. What's the point??


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

woundedwarrior said:


> My thoughts exactly. What's the point??


Two types of people in the world

1) those that like the easy, non complicated life
2) those that have to skate uphill


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Rushwater said:


> Geez. This whole subject is so alien to me. I mean, the only question that I can muster is: why the hell get married in the first place??


I am thinking part of it might be the rush of doing something "forbidden" (i.e. sharing your spouse which in marriage you are not supposed to do).


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Dear OP,

Firstly, these forums of full of people who think that they "know more than you do". They will judge you and see you in the worst light that they can imagine, and when proven wrong, don't expect an apology from them?! I like to remember these idiots names, and skip their posts. They will only give you the sh!ts and likely drive you away from the few on here who are really cleaver and helpful.

I have no experience with this kind of thing but I know what it is like to form an addiction/fall in love, with someone other than your spouse. When someone fulfills your emotional needs, you will stay/fall in love with them. There for, if you want to stay in love with your husband, you don't allow another to get too close to you, there by challenging his ability to fulfill you.

People who swing, for what ever reason, dissociate physical intimacy as just some act of little consequence. They don't seem to bond or love from it. You obviously can't do that and need to stay away. Also, this man asked you to not tell his wife that your husband was not involved. So there has been some swingers rule breaking involved. If your husbands mate has little concern for his wife's feelings, I doubt he cares much for yours!

Also, I'm sure your husband knows exactly what rules his mate is allowed to play by! Could't he spare even 30 min and jump in?? Ask you to wait for the phone call to finish or postpone it? Each to their own but I would not trust this other bloke what so ever. Do you think your husband loves you enough to close this chapter of his life, and be content with one woman?

Good luck 
GoneCrazy


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Darn idiots....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I think Orange_Crush is gone, at least she hadn't posted in several days? I'd say between the responses she got on here and how the talk went with her husband, played a large part?

If it was me, I would have sought out a "Threesomes" or "Swinging" forum, instead of a marriage one, just due to fact that most people don't view that lifestyle as married, so the advice was reflected that way. Oh well, you can't please everyone???


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

woundedwarrior said:


> I think Orange_Crush is gone, at least she hadn't posted in several days? I'd say between the responses she got on here and how the talk went with her husband, played a large part?
> 
> If it was me, I would have sought out a "Threesomes" or "Swinging" forum, instead of a marriage one, just due to fact that most people don't view that lifestyle as married, so the advice was reflected that way. Oh well, you can't please everyone???


She stated that she wanted standard marriage advice but only liked the advice from swingers so I would agree with you.

Her statement did not match her attitude in the least.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> She stated that she wanted standard marriage advice but only liked the advice from swingers so I would agree with you.
> 
> Her statement did not match her attitude in the least.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounded like she was looking for people to encourage her and allay her fears that having feelings only happens in the beginning but that she'll eventually be fine. She'll be able to compartmentalize sex like a man, and be able to have countless sexual partners, without developing feelings.

To be honest I'm leery of some of these new posters that start threads on 3somes, swinging, and open marriages. It seems like their trying evangelize the life style but come in the form of posing sincere question.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

jsmart said:


> Sounded like she was looking for people to encourage her and allay her fears that having feelings only happens in the beginning but that she'll eventually be fine. She'll be able to compartmentalize sex like a man, and be able to have countless sexual partners, without developing feelings.
> 
> To be honest I'm leery of some of these new posters that start threads on 3somes, swinging, and open marriages. It seems like their trying evangelize the life style but come in the form of posing sincere question.


yup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Yup. Mismatched values.

OP, when your H told you about swinging in the past, did it appeal to you and you just needed to warm up to it or did it shock you but you were attached to your husband (ergo, are you codependent)?

How long into dating did you H tell you about his swinging? 

Hard to think he has been faithful with you before you finally took part in the action.

You like much older men. Do you have a normal relationship with your father? What was your upbringing like?



Yeswecan said:


> So you found that swinging is not your cup of tea. The issue here is not that you realize it is not what your about, it is the fact you have married a person who is into swinging. If you can accept that and remove yourself from being a part of that "leisure" activity your H partakes then your marriage has a chance. However, it appears your H has been trying to make you something your are not. A swinger. Bringing you to parties and more or less grooming you to the lifestyle. For me, that was wrong on his part.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I, too, got the distinct feeling that all that she was really after was the "entitlement" factor, by the mainstream TAM populace to continue in her pursuit of her newfound, but lurid interests!

After finding that "that old dog wasn't going to hunt," more especially here ~ she just moved on somewhere else, to hopefully attract a much more sympathetic crowd!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
some times people want to feel accepted.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Sometimes, people come here for help, but instead they get negative judgment. She got saitanised ( did I just make that up) because she was trying different lifestyle choises than what is considered normally socially acceptable.

The sad thing is SOMETIMES this forum is nothing more than a school yard full of
Bullies ready to prod and poke the different kid. She wanted help, and most people shat on her. 

GoneCrazy


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Gonecrazy said:


> Sometimes, people come here for help, but instead they get negative judgment. She got saitanised ( did I just make that up) because she was trying different lifestyle choises than what is considered normally socially acceptable.
> 
> The sad thing is SOMETIMES this forum is nothing more than a school yard full of
> Bullies ready to prod and poke the different kid. She wanted help, and most people shat on her.
> ...


I agree. Rather than help, many just condemn, or their advice is too biased to be helpful.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

I don't know if you're still checking on your thread. I'm late to the party, but just wanted to say that it's good you decided to nip this in the bud. If I could turn back time, that's what I would have done. Problem is, when you're interested in something, you tend to look at all the positive happy stories out there and ignore the ugly. That's what I did and now we're chest deep in the ugly. Good luck!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Gonecrazy said:


> Sometimes, people come here for help, but instead they get negative judgment. She got saitanised ( did I just make that up) because she was trying different lifestyle choises than what is considered normally socially acceptable.
> 
> The sad thing is SOMETIMES this forum is nothing more than a school yard full of
> Bullies ready to prod and poke the different kid. She wanted help, and most people shat on her.
> ...


With all due respect, I think you are full of bologna at least where it comes to this thread.

She came to a standard marriage forum with a swinger problem. She was politely informed this was a standard marriage forum.

She said she wanted standard marriage advice and once she got it, she didn't like it.

She did appreciate the advice of the few swingers on this site thus proving the initial point.

Just because standard marriage folks won't swallow what a swinger will or find it palatable or desirable even disgusting or repugnant, does not make us bullies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> I agree. Rather than help, many just condemn, or their advice is too biased to be helpful.


See my above post. I direct folks to you that I think you have more advice for than standard marriage people.

OP was hardly bullied here or treated differently by any of us that would chew each other out if any of us found ourselves swapping partners and getting in trouble over it.

Finding a lifestyle abhorrent isn't being a bully.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> I agree. Rather than help, many just condemn, or their advice is too biased to be helpful.


In my opinion, condemning this life style is helping as I find that the majority of it cannot handle it and it ends up destroying the foundations of an otherwise healthy life style.

So it is honest advice with good intentions. 

You can read it as not being helpful or without good intentions. That is fine. But to me the only way I can help is by suggesting to stop.


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## VirgenTecate (Jan 4, 2016)

RideofmyLife said:


> I don't know if you're still checking on your thread. I'm late to the party, but just wanted to say that it's good you decided to nip this in the bud. If I could turn back time, that's what I would have done. Problem is, when you're interested in something, you tend to look at all the positive happy stories out there and ignore the ugly. That's what I did and now we're chest deep in the ugly. Good luck!


This is the perspective we are trying to give her. We are trying to show her the downsides so she can make an informed opinion since she has only looked at the upside.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> With all due respect, I think you are full of bologna at least where it comes to this thread.
> 
> She came to a standard marriage forum with a swinger problem. She was politely informed this was a standard marriage forum.
> 
> ...


I suppose since the OP has abandoned this post like a carcass to be pecked upon by the TAM vultures. Thread jacking is no longer relevant. 

Mr Conan, let me tell you what I think is Bologna.

I think it's bologna that you have any 'due respect' for me.
I think it's bologna that you claim that this is a 'standard marriage forum'. I didn't see anything in the forum rules stating that swingers are unwelcome, and will be turned away.

I think its bologna that you state that this is a swinger problem. OP was a married woman who tried something that didn't work for her, and needed help with how to solve her marital issues, and get her marriage back to standard issue, not unlike everyone else on here.

I think its bologna that you imply that some how, this woman does not qualify for advice from this forum because of her experimentation with 'the lifestyle', but in the very next sentence, you admit to the knowledge that there are others on here who have been participating in it for years! Why have you not "politely" told them to fcuk off from this site if it is not for swingers??!! What is the basis for your discrimination??

I think it's bologna that you don't consider what happened here was bulling. Making 'worst case scenario assumptions', is a form of bullying. Very few actually attempted to help with the actual issue at hand.

And what I think is the biggest bologna of all. Is the fact that you have this attitude like you think you are a one man panel of experts on relationships. Let me help you. You are just like me. One man, with out qualifications, and with life experience. To assume that you know more than someone you don't even know, is to assume you have a higher intelligence above all others.

I just think it sucks that someone came her for help and was discriminated against. The only way this world will ever move forward, is if we stop looking for differences in others so as to divide us, and start looking for the similarities, so as to bring us together. To those who genuinely want to help others without bias. I wish to take this moment to thank you. You are the people who make this site worth visiting.

Good night
GoneCrazy


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

OP, if you're still out there, can I ask how your conversation with your husband went? I have no experience with swinging, but many of us have spouses and kids, so know what's at stake, and have had to had uncomfortable conversations with our spouses about various topics. Just because this situation and this dynamic is unique to swinging, it doesn't make the situation you're facing foreign to the rest of us. I hope you continue to post, because this forum CAN be extremely helpful - you'll notice a bunch of people posted with genuine questions about how your problem is progressing, and while some folks will always chime in to disagree, you can take or leave their advice. People love to be morally outraged.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Gonecrazy said:


> I suppose since the OP has abandoned this post like a carcass to be pecked upon by the TAM vultures. Thread jacking is no longer relevant.
> 
> Mr Conan, let me tell you what I think is Bologna.
> 
> ...


I'm under no obligation to legitimize or affirm any lifestyle choice.

She asked for standard marriage advice and received it.

Fvcking other men in a standard marriage is death to the marriage and always treated with extreme criticism in the standard community.

She was treated no differently than I would have been for screwing up my marriage by fvcking other people.

You are pissed because she didn't get special or preferential treatment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

I'm under no obligation to legitimize or affirm any lifestyle choice.

I never said that you were.

She asked for standard marriage advice and received it.

She asked for advice and received negative judgment.

Fvcking other men in a standard marriage is death to the marriage and always treated with extreme criticism in the standard community.

I couldn't agree more.

She was treated no differently than I would have been for screwing up my marriage by fvcking other people.

Cheating and "the lifestyle" are not the same thing. It's called 'consent'. Are you jealous?

You are pissed because she didn't get special or preferential treatment.

You are obviously getting desperate if you're making unfounded, ridiculous, counter accusations, without any reasoning to give it merit. 

Mr Conan,
You seem hell bend on continuing your argument when it is quite obvious that you are out of line. At this point, it is my opinion that you are either a complete moron, sexist, or, I have underestimated your ego. 

I'm going to speak very simply now, so as to avoid confusion. There appears to be three people or persons who have participated on this thread that are swingers. Vinny was kind enough to spend the time to share his experience with us all in great detail. Vinny explained to us, that as a swinger, he has placed his penis into other women while being married. OP told us the same of her husband. Vinny stated that his wife was penetrated by the penis's of other men. OP stated the same of her self. Vinny stated that there has been some regret from his wife with regard to making these particular life style choices. OP stated the same of herself. Can you see the similarities here?

The differences are this. Mr Vinny has not been labeled a poor father, or been labeled unfaithful, or been told that he does not belong in this forum. The OP has. In fact, Mr Vinny was thanked for his participation on this thread by you. This is called discrimination. Commonly referred to as a 'double standard'. Something is ok for one person, but not for another. If you wish to be more specific as to the kind of discrimination we are dealing with. We look for the uncommon variable, that makes all the difference. The most obvious here, is that the OP and Mr Vinny are not the same sex. So we can conclude, that perhaps this is a sexist double standard. That this is nothing more than a covert attempt at slvt shaming a woman for a behavior that a man has been accepted for.

I really am having fun with these colors. What makes my observation even worse. Is that Mr Vinny had dived head first into the lifestyle, swam it's mercy waters for years, using many different swim strokes. The OP stuck her toe in, and ran for the towel. So if you were not sexists or discriminatory, you would have asked Mr Vinny and the other swingers, to kindly leave this forum, but you didn't did you?! Need I remind you that if Mr Vinny were to be run off like the OP was, we would not have been privy to such insightful information!

So, you are either a moron that could not draw the same conclusion by your self. A sexist that thinks it's ok for men to sleep around but not for women. Or, you are so egotistical, that it is beyond you to ever admit an error in your judgment, and you are left to fighting your point after it had been disproved. Don't get me wrong, some times I love and agree with the things you post. But sometime, you can be a real jerk.

What I ask of you is this. Can you and others that share your ideals, to please give a person a chance on here. She was not trying to work out how she could continue the lifestyle, she wanted out, and she had the right to be here. Please think about your real motives for posting in future.

P.S. a little tip when you are in a debate with some one. The idea is to win, and the way you do that is to have a rebuttal for every statement made by your opponent, and counter statements that remain undisputed. If you cannot dispute your opponents statements, and are forced into going in circles, it means that you know that you are wrong, and you have lost.

Goodnight
GoneCrazy


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

It's amazing how people can keep fighting, even after the OP is long gone. Cmon guys, take the high road.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

I'm curious as to how the discussion went. Personally, I think she has feelings for the other guy, and that they will start seeing each other on the side and behind her husband's back. I hope not, but all the signs are there.

A friend of mine and his wife are in "the lifestyle," and they invited another woman to join them indefinitely. Problem is, this other woman got pregnant, so they all figured that it would be a good idea to have the baby "together." Now, they're having issues as attention has become divided. Plus, with a baby involved, it's all bad.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

So you were swinging and in an open relationship, but where it crossed into cheating was with the other man telling you to lie to his wife, and the other lies are the things you are hiding from your husband. You have developed a Limerence kind of love. 

You are very smart to realize this is messed up, but now honey you need to pull the emergency break. This needs to end now. I feel you need to tell the wife that you and her husband crossed a very serious boundary and you and the husband and marriage you want need to have a serious heart to heart about this life style choice and how you are not really a good match to it. 

I wish you well, but this went from swinging to cheating the moment that feelings were omitted from discussion and lie's were planned to be told. 

This is very bad. Wishing you well.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Orange_Crush said:


> This is my first post so here it goes *Deep breath*
> 
> My husband and I have been married for seven months. We have a one year old and have been together for five years. My DH and I have a significant age difference. Before we started dating, he was involved in the "lifestyle". He was usually the plus one in a threesome for couples. He remained friends with many of these couples and has been up front about how much the swinger lifestyle turns him on.
> 
> ...


It's my personal view that we are naturally wired to become attached to a sexual partner. There are some who can seem to keep the swinger lifestyle in a neat box, but imo, and from what I have seen on TAM over the years, the swinger lifestyle can pose a risk to marriages in many cases.

I am not saying this to moralise or tell you what to do but given your response to the whole situation and how you are now feeling about it, i am just saying that i think you are feeling what many (not all, but many) would feel in a similar situation, and i think you are on the right track in thinking this may not be the best path to go down in your marriage.

Do you feel you could tell your DH about the feelings that are coming up for you? It may help him understand why you are wanting to not continue down this path


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

It looks like some of the negativity may have run off the OP. 

FWIW, I could not have a threesome or be a swinger. I too have a tendency to get attached to people I have sex with. I have had ONS in the past, but generally did not enjoy them very much. I also couldn't imagine sharing my wife with someone, male or female. 

So, did you tell your husband?


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

This is heavy to read, I would just say step away from the other guy and threesomes in general for at least a year, see if the feelings and things get back to normal. Sex is meant to be an intimate experience between two people who share an emotional bond, so developing feelings for your lover isn't abnormal. Very few people can completely separate sex and love.


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