# Husband had emotional affair with old girlfriend



## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

I am married 26 years two kids. I found out last April my husband was texting and talking to old girlfriend . In two months over 2500 texts and over 5 hours worth of phone calls. We were having a lot of problems granted, but I have asked for counseling he never wanted to, so I just went along with my life and took care of house and kids. I went on my at and t bill one day and was floored called the number and heard the voicemail I knew who it was because name is unique and he told me about her when we first married how he loved her and she dumped him. I have gone thru hell I have had shingles I have been depressed ... Problem is he has never really told me any details anytime I bring it up he says enough already. When I confronted him back then I got she's just a friend nothing happened just chit chat about her work my work nothing more. In beginning after I found out he really wasn't begging me to forgive him. he was kind of nasty telling me well u were not being a great wife so I figured I needed to talk to someone. Well here I am a year later and ya he's better to me but for a year it's always the same thing u as hold be over this already u overreact blah blah blah. He's leaving to go to Florida today for 12 days. When he went there last year to visit his mom he was going crazy talking and texting her Round clock I told him this is like a trigger for me and ya I was upset he wasn't going to be here. Mother's Day with me since last year I spent Mother's Day with my dtr crying the whole time. He asked ,e about going to visit his mom a few days since he has a work thing there i said no problem I then find out he's staying there an extra week. So I get over this things a little better even though I'm fighting my demons I text him and say I'm reading this book it's really good I think u should read it I think it will help understand and be a little more patient with me and then I said I love you. He texts me back and says I'm being crazy again get over it stop reading stupid books. He just wants to act like it never happened. I never got anything. I never heard suppp what he said to her end g this and it haunts me what they talked about. He was intimate with iThis girl and he still swears to this day she thought me and him were happily married


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

I just can not understand why he will not talk to me about anything I ask. I was reading a book called his needs her needs I wanted him to read it because I'm trying to make my marriage great he didn't even ask me name of book just told me stop looking at stuff online and reading books and just be happy. But isn't that what I am trying to do?


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

I bet he's going to meet up with her.


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

I have not seen any evidence that he is in contact with her. I just do not understand why he just wants me to forget it like it never happened and he says he wants marriage great but then refuses to read stuff. It's just like his way is the best way as long as I don't bring up the ow issue. If I do we end up In huge fight and he doesn't understand why it bothers me that he will be gone 12 days


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You realise he's using this trip to his moms to see this other woman don't you?

You need to stop being so timid and start setting some boundaries.
To begin with you should insist on going on this trip with him today
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

I guess I wasn't that clear with my initial thread. She lives local by me. When he was there last year they were texting and talking around the clock. I think it just brings back so bad memories for me.


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

He has trip for work in Florida he asked me would u mind if I visited my mom for a few days after I'm done I said fine. Then I find out business trip done Wednesday night he won't be home here until Wednesday after that. I just feel this is extreme esp after year we have been thru. And he tells me. What so wrong with me being with my mom on Mother's Day well I had horrific Mother's Day last year I expected him to do something special for me this year my god he won't even read a book all he does is say move on dont read stuff a normal person would be over this a long time ago


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

So go on the trip with him.

It's likely it's not just to see his mom.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Are you sure the old girlfriend is still in town?, seems odd to me to want to visit his Mom for a week, I'm just saying...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

PamJ said:


> Are you sure the old girlfriend is still in town?, seems odd to me to want to visit his Mom for a week, I'm just saying...


And without you? Yea, definitely seems a bit off.


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

He says to me it's a free trip I have to work I can't take off all those days I didn't mind him spending a couple of days but then I find out he's done with his work conference Wednesday night then going to his moms. And won't be home till Wednesday after I told him that it upsets me after all we have been thru to b gone that long and on top of that I asked him to read a 100 page book that I told him would b good for us he tells me no. And that I'm not moving forward. Why can't I just be happy why am I reading stupid stuff


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

I feel that after he screwed up and all I ask him to do is read something he doesn't even ask what book is called just says no. This has set me back omg I feel like such a jerk


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

He could have said yes il read it and just that would have made me happy. Would have made me feel he understands what I really have been thru . To me it just shows how arrogant he is


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

That's just it. He doesn't get it. Did you give any REAL consequences to his EA or did you rug sweep it, like many do? Tbh, I really think that either OW is meeting him on the work trip, or he will be seeing her while at mom's... IF he even actually GOES to mom's.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Mar123 - We all can see how upset you are, but we are trying to get you to wake up and smell the coffee.

The burning issue isn't why he won't read a book to help you heal or improve your marriage. The burning issue is that it is VERY likely that he is staying in FL to hook up with another woman. Very high chance of that. Very high.

You need to start checking this out.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

If you want to save your marriage then you need to remove the rose colored glasses. 

There have been no consequences, ie. rugsweeping. He wants you to move on and forget about his EA. How convenient for him!
Get a VAR and place it in his car. Install a GPS tracking app on his cell phone. 

He lost your trust when he went behind your back and started an EA. It's up to him to be 100% transparent, especially if he's not hiding anything


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Mar123 said:


> I just can not understand why he will not talk to me about anything I ask. I was reading a book called his needs her needs I wanted him to read it because I'm trying to make my marriage great he didn't even ask me name of book just told me stop looking at stuff online and reading books and just be happy. But isn't that what I am trying to do?


It sounds to me like he has completely checked out of the marriage.

I think it's time for an ultimatum. You and some serious counseling, or get him out. I mean, might as well get it over with now than slowly bleed to death.
.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Maybe you could ask him what he's really planning on doing in Florida during that extra week... Tell him that you will have allot to think about while he's away for that extra week(and during Mother's Day to boot) and he should do some thinking too.

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with the others. If your husband hasn't checked out of the marriage yet, he's probably contemplating it. I would give him something to think about while he's gone.

Are you close to his Mother at all? Could she be of any help?


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

It,s really so sad how infidelity messes with your head so much where some days you feel pretty human and other days you feel like a zombie. My older dtr lives home she's is 24 . She sees I'm having a few bad days. I told her I just feel the whole Florida thing is just bringing up bad memories for me that I know he has a conference there I know his Mom is old he dont get to see her but he has to stay there a whole extra week. It's just that when he was down there last year he was texting her literally around the clock. And then I said to her we have been better here that's one of the reasons I bought the book to make marriage even stronger and also to help him understand what I feel sometimes because I don't think people really do unless you are the one who has gone thru this nightmare. But she even says to me Mom come on what guy is going to want to read a book. And then says and I don't see anything wrong with him visiting his Mom she's old he doesn't get to go there often. My answer to her was he could have went a few days came home. And I don't think it's a lot to ask to read a 100 page book after whAt I have been through


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mar123 said:


> I have not seen any evidence that he is in contact with her. I just do not understand why he just wants me to forget it like it never happened and he says he wants marriage great but then refuses to read stuff. It's just like his way is the best way as long as I don't bring up the ow issue. If I do we end up In huge fight and he doesn't understand why it bothers me that he will be gone 12 days


Why? Because he is a user and he doesn't care who he hurts in order to get what he wants.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Open your eyes and don't be so blind.


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

He says he just wants to spend Some time with his Mom even though I did say to him your conference done Wednesday might you cold get to your Moms Thursday Morning been there all day Thursday Friday Saturday and flew home Sunday Morning to be with me but no has to stay also Monday Tuesday and leaving there Wednesday night to me it's overkill under our circumstances he could have killed two birds with one stone went to conference visit his mo a few days which I would be fine with then come home not be gone for 12 days


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

IDK maybe I,m the crazy nut


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Mar123 said:


> He says he just wants to spend Some time with his Mom even though I did say to him your conference done Wednesday might you cold get to your Moms Thursday Morning been there all day Thursday Friday Saturday and flew home Sunday Morning to be with me but no has to stay also Monday Tuesday and leaving there Wednesday night to me it's overkill under our circumstances he could have killed two birds with one stone went to conference visit his mo a few days which I would be fine with then come home not be gone for 12 days


When I would visit my parents, I would take a week myself. I'd visit my old kung fu school, my parents, old friends and my old comic books hop.
My point?

The trip isn't just about his mom. There was no infidelity issue, in our marriage, at that time. If there was, like now, I'd be back.

My wife gives me times, places, who, what, when, where and why when she visits her parents now. This is because she had the EA. If I told her my trust is low right now she wouldn't go or shorten the trip.

Yes, this exact scenario came up recently. Yes, she did everything correct in my eyes. To me, your husband is doing everything wrong.


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

Thankful you made me feel bettter. Sometimes you just start to think that you are the crazy one feeling like you are over reacting about everything


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Mar123 said:


> Thankful you made me feel bettter. Sometimes you just start to think that you are the crazy one feeling like you are over reacting about everything


It's easy to let the Wayward Spouse convince you that your thinking is an overreaction. Never believe that at all.


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## Mar123 (May 4, 2013)

I have a question. Does anyone think there is a possibility that two people that were dating when they were 22 years old, and were also intimate then now at age 50 pick up the phone and be texting 2500 texts in two months time with some phone calls also be anything but an affair? To this day my H swears up and down all it was they talked about was his parents his sister their jobs etc. No flirting He says she thought we were happily married . He just keeps saying to me our marriage was in bad shape and I felt lonely. I want so bad to just forget it and move on, but this drives me crazy someways.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Mar123 said:


> I have a question. Does anyone think there is a possibility that two people that were dating when they were 22 years old, and were also intimate then now at age 50 pick up the phone and be texting 2500 texts in two months time with some phone calls also be anything but an affair? To this day my H swears up and down all it was they talked about was his parents his sister their jobs etc. No flirting He says she thought we were happily married . He just keeps saying to me our marriage was in bad shape and I felt lonely. I want so bad to just forget it and move on, but this drives me crazy someways.


 You can't move on when he is blaming you for a "bad marriage."

Think about it this way. If he was so lonely, why didn't he talk TO YOU or a male friend? Why did he IMMEDIATELY, go seek comfort with someone HE KNEW would cause problems in the marriage?

What man or woman realistically, I know there are a few, is going to be comfortable with their spouse talking with someone they had sex with? Even if it was 30 years ago?


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