# His happiness is like salt in my wounds



## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Just venting here folks but the fact that my stbxh is friendly toward me feels like salt in my wounds. He initiated the divorce; is happier than he's been in a long time; wants to continue being my "friend" and every time I'm around him (which isn't often) his happiness says to me "He's happy because he doesn't have the burden of you." Makes me feel crappy about myself and my loss all over again. 

I limit my contact with him but he wants to be involved in the lives of my kids - his stepkids - and I welcome that for their sake. But I'd really like to get to a point where his happiness doesn't make me feel like sh*t.


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

You have a pressure point he enjoys pushing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do not hang out with him at all. Do not talk to him about anything other than co-parenting issues and your legalities w/ the divorce.

With time, it will lessen (the icky feeling).


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Cloaked said:


> You have a pressure point he enjoys pushing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm...I suspect you may be right. Like he seems TOO happy and he puts it on to hurt me.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Do not hang out with him at all. Do not talk to him about anything other than co-parenting issues and your legalities w/ the divorce.
> 
> With time, it will lessen (the icky feeling).


We live 800 miles away from each other, so it's not difficult to avoid him at least in person. But there's texting and FB. Last night he wanted to Skype with the pretense of coordinating our schedules around my oldest daughter's college graduation. 

I honestly think that there is some missing social consciousness there. Our last marriage therapist told me not to take his leaving me personally - he isn't capable of relationship. Like he's got a slight case of asbergers or something similar (sociopath?) There's a part of me that doesn't want to let him "win" and show him that it's hurting me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

firebelly1 said:


> We live 800 miles away from each other, so it's not difficult to avoid him at least in person. But there's texting and FB. Last night he wanted to Skype with the pretense of coordinating our schedules around my oldest daughter's college graduation.


Set boundaries. And take him off your FAcebook. Block him or at least hide his updates and stop texting about stuff that isn't important (if you are doing that).

The more contact you have with him, the less you will heal/the slower you will heal.

that is a fact.

You cannot get over someone if you are in constant contact with him.

This isn't about him "winning." It's about a chapter in your life that has ended. So take steps to separate yourself from him, even 800 miles apart.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Thanks Jelly.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yup. Close that chapter. No facebook - block him. No Skype - he can communicate in email or text - whichever YOU prefer. Your shots now.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

firebelly1 said:


> Just venting here folks but the fact that my stbxh is friendly toward me feels like salt in my wounds. He initiated the divorce; is happier than he's been in a long time; wants to continue being my "friend" and every time I'm around him (which isn't often) his happiness says to me "He's happy because he doesn't have the burden of you." Makes me feel crappy about myself and my loss all over again.
> 
> I limit my contact with him but he wants to be involved in the lives of my kids - his stepkids - and I welcome that for their sake. But I'd really like to get to a point where his happiness doesn't make me feel like sh*t.


You are not yet fully detached from him, and you need to be, for you (don't get me wrong, I know this is easier said than done). Do NOT be his friend - he is not your friend. Let him go and live your life for you now.

My ex just announced to me she is introducing our kids to her new boyfriend. Hearing that derailed me to the point I took a day off work, so I understand. But now my only concern is that he's not a threat or danger to my kids. Other than that, I laugh and feel sorry for this poor *******'s burden he's taken on. You need to look at it like that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Healer said:


> You are not yet fully detached from him, and you need to be, for you (don't get me wrong, I know this is easier said than done). Do NOT be his friend - he is not your friend. Let him go and live your life for you now.


:iagree:


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