# want to trust my wife again



## glenn201 (Aug 27, 2011)

Me an my wife have been married for ten years now. About two years ago i had to go on night shift I was not happy about that she didnt like it things seemed to go down hill from there we never had sex we didnt talk then she got to reading erotic books
an while i was at work she started chatting on line then one night 
I came from work I new something was up so i asked her if she was cheating she said she had been thinking about it an she was chatting with a man i acked if she wanted a divorce she said yes 
so i started to look in to buying a house an 2 days before i was going to sign on the new house she said dont stay with me i dont want a divorce I love her so much an she says she loves me but i am having a real hard time trusting her an i will admit i was an ass while i was on night shift how can i get over this


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## real_housewife (Aug 27, 2011)

Assume the worst.... would you still want to be with her? If yes, then just throw your heart in it. If not, you've already condemned you both to a marriage without trust. (Easy for me to say, right. I am on here to get help too.) I wish the best for you. Pray together.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## glenn201 (Aug 27, 2011)

yes we have kids i do love my wife an when we are together its great but when she is gone or im at work i think she is messing around but im sure she is not but i always get that sick feeling


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You certainly have enough reasons to be worried. The is the usual methods: key logger on the computer; var in the car/home; spyware on her phone

Does she stll seem to spend lots of time online or on the phone or texting?

In general trust your gut!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Why a key logger? He asked her already if she wanted a divorce. She said, yes. Biggest red flag of an affair right there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Why a key logger? He asked her already if she wanted a divorce. She said, yes. Biggest red flag of an affair right there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


True, but now she wants to stay together. He needs to know what is really going on and I doubt she is going to honestly tell him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## glenn201 (Aug 27, 2011)

She says she wants to say with me i dont need key logger we dont use windows we use linux we are on a net work my computer records every key stroke i can check an see what she is doing i dont think she is cheating but i still dont trust her an i want that trust back the way it was before all this


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

glenn201 said:


> so i started to look in to buying a house an 2 days before i was going to sign on the new house *she said dont stay with me i dont want a divorce *I love her so much an she says she loves me but i am having a real hard time trusting her an i will admit i was an ass while i was on night shift how can i get over this


I am confused--she wants you to stay or doesn't but still wants a divorce?

If she wants a divorce, that's the end game. You can't make someone want to stay with you/love you.

If that is whaet she wants, give it to her, keep your dignity intact and don't chase after her.

Get tested for STDs in the meantime. Just in case.

Oh and work on the reasons you were being an "ass" on night shift so you don't repeat the same mistakes in new relationships. You didn't elaborate on what you did but if you described it as being an "ass" it could not have been good.


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## glenn201 (Aug 27, 2011)

she wants me to stay she does not want a divorce sorry im not a good at saying what i mean


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## glenn201 (Aug 27, 2011)

i was on night shift an didnt like it an i was in a bad mood a lot. she was mad because i was always mad so she didnt want to have sex so that made me even more mad an it just snow balled from there


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Trust, easy to brake hard to build.

It takes time and energy. Unfortunately a lot of people in your shoes dont realise that , since trust belongs in marriage, and marriage involves two people, it takes two people to build trust. You dont get to sit back and watch the show, you have to get your ass in the game and fight for what you want. You have admitted some guilt, but she certainly holds most of it, but that doesnt mean your off the hook.



So based on the above post...

You start working nights, you dont like nights, nights put you in a bad mood.

Your in a bad mood, might unintentionally take it out on your wife, so now she is in a bad mood.

You leave for a shift, wife knows your going to be a **** when you get home, so, before you even pull out of the driveway she is in a bad mood because, based on history, you will be in a bad mood in the morning and she has no control over it.

Im sure the brief internet infidelity fits in the bottom here... somewhere.

Im not suggesting its your fault for being on nights. But, as a fact, one action causes a reaction that causes a reaction that causes a reaction, etc.

It sounds like night shift is bad for your marriage, and that neither of you as individuals much care for it either. Maybe its time for a change.


If you have a linux Im sure your pretty handy with a computer. Dont be. If you have to keep tabs on your wife to ensure her monogamy, you have no trust for her, remember trust, what you are trying to build. It wont happen overnight, and maybe thats a frank conversation you need to have with her.

*You* "Honey, Im very upset because I dont feel like I can trust you, but I so desperately want to again."

*Her* "Im sorry, Ill never do anything to hurt you again, Ill burn the computer down, Ill do whatever it takes."

*You*"Im willing to do whatever it takes as well, but its not going to be fun, its not going to be easy."

*Her*"I know. Im just so sorry and I love you so much."

*You*"I love you too."

*Her*"How about I make it up to you... in the bedroom?"


You can thank me later for the great make-up sex.


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## glenn201 (Aug 27, 2011)

me an the wife have been talking i told her of my trust problems she offered to get rid of the computer an the cell phone if i wanted she says all she wants is me i still have a trust problem but its getting 
better every day i do know i love her more than ever


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Your work shift is destroying your omarriage. Change it. I would have better trust if i had full access to all logins and passwords of her phone and social sites. She basically admitted to an EA, i would think full disclosure on her part is not alot to ask for.


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## glenn201 (Aug 27, 2011)

she told me all her passwords as far the phone i check who she is calling by detailed bill i can check that on line


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