# Sexually frustrated during seperation is it legal to sleep with someone else?



## TMR (May 6, 2013)

I am 21 and my husband is 25 we got married in June of 2012 but were separated with a full stay away order of protection by the criminal court after he fractured my nose and tries to choke me back in July 2012, at the time I was 5 months pregnant with his first child, my third. Him and I were obviously having sex before our marriage, but shortly after our marriage things started to change. He would steal from me, my family members, and my kids with no remorse. He started being very disrespectful to me. I started to dislike him rather than love him. He also never provided anything for my children or me. I started to lose my attraction to him mentally and physically. When we were first separated I was very upset. I thought I would never be happy. I was 5 months pregnant with a 2 year old and a 8 month old. It took me a while to accept what happened. At first I was hoping we could work things out get marriage therapy, but from what people are telling me he does not want therapy. He showed no interest in us getting back together. He talked bad about me. I had my baby on Christmas and when he, along with his mom and other family members saw her picture they started to deny her. I honestly have never cheated. A week before I had the baby I started to think more about what was going on. I realize that I do not need him in my life he is like another child and he is abusive. I would like to file for an annulment. With that said, I have not had sex for a while now,I'm not sure what he's doing, I keep trying to fight of the urges but I'm not sure how much longer I can do that. My ex, who I was dating two years ago, just got out of jail too, I basically moved on from him while he was in jail he had 15 to life at first but was falsely accused. Him now being home is making it extremely hard for me to control myself. I am trying to stay away from him but it's not going to work for long. Due to the separation and order of protection, if something does happen between my ex and I, which most likely it will, would it be considered adultery? . I literally have no plans of getting back with him. I lost all feelings for him. I live in New York state if that helps anything.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Sounds like you may be into bad boys. Take some time and find a real man after you are divorced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lost hunter (Dec 13, 2012)

I agree with Thound, take some time to reflect on past decisions and put yourself and your children first. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but I would rather have a happy life with someone that loved and respected me than just find a warm body. Good Luck.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Don't do it. I would rather go Solo then to go So Low..


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

legal- ask your lawyer, states and countries vary in whether they consider infidelity in a divorce and if this is infidelity during separation
morally- since you are "done" with the marriage and expect no hope of R, nor is he a person worthy of R, I would not deem it cheating
emotionally- I don't think it's in your best interests right now. Work on yourself and heal before getting into any relationship, even a ONS or booty call could cause some emotional damage


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The way you control the urges is that you stay away from the ex. Refuse to see him. The last thing you and your children need is more drama and you getting pregnant again.

In some states it would be considered adulty since you are still married. Is your state a no-fault divorce state? You need to look up th annulment, divorce and family law in your state. Become familiar with it.

Also, it does not matter if your ex denies the baby.You can ask the court to get a DNA sample from him and prove that he's the father. Then he can pay support for the baby. In many states. When a married woman has a baby, it's assumed to be her husband's baby. He would have to fight to not be considered her father.

Of course, he also has visitation rights with the baby. Since there is a record of him breaking your nose, he might only get supervised visitation.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

Your husband beat you up and he's got a stay away order and you want to now go back to an excon who got 15 years to life?

Your main question is can you now have sex with someone else other than your husband?

I'm thinking there are better questions to be answered than that. 

Here's one for starters: Go see an attorney and find out the fastest, cheapest way to get out of the marriage with the guy who beat the crap out of you, whether it's annulment or divorce.

The next answer is 'find a guy who doesn't have a criminal record and who doesn't solve arguments by beating you up'.

After the divorce or annulment is official, and after you meet a guy who doesn't beat you up or have a criminal record then go have all the sex you want.


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## TMR (May 6, 2013)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> Don't do it. I would rather go Solo then to go So Low..


I tried the solo thing not working


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

From the sound of it all I would definitely recommend you take some time to get yourself together. Like SadWith said... 'Go solo instead of so low'.

Legally, it comes down to the wording of your MSA. Was it properly filed with your county's family court? The general assumption in NYS is that when an MSA is accepted by the court and is in effect, then you are legally unbound from one another. Single, essentially. But you MUST check your MSA for wording. If it's not in there then you need to at least check with the court clerk. They usually can tell you for sure.

That said... You're in NYS. You have grounds. You don't need an MSA if you plan to divorce. File and get it over with. I only say that based on your posting.

In the future though... If they've served time, probation, whatever... Then stay away from them.


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## TMR (May 6, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> legal- ask your lawyer, states and countries vary in whether they consider infidelity in a divorce and if this is infidelity during separation
> morally- since you are "done" with the marriage and expect no hope of R, nor is he a person worthy of R, I would not deem it cheating
> emotionally- I don't think it's in your best interests right now. Work on yourself and heal before getting into any relationship, even a ONS or booty call could cause some emotional damage


The way I'm feeling emotionally and the way my sex drive is I need a booty call lol I've been seeing this guy since I was 15. He's honestly not my ex. It was strictly a sexual relationship. Friends with benefits. I will try to look up laws in my state to see though. I'm sure my husband has done some things by now.


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## TMR (May 6, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> The way you control the urges is that you stay away from the ex. Refuse to see him. The last thing you and your children need is more drama and you getting pregnant again.
> 
> In some states it would be considered adulty since you are still married. Is your state a no-fault divorce state? You need to look up th annulment, divorce and family law in your state. Become familiar with it.
> 
> ...


 The crazy thing about this is that although he still denies the baby he filed for full custody. So now were in and out of court. This is making me hate him even more than I already do. He does not pay support yet and hasn't bought anything for the baby at all, and his mom told someone that they would buy her stuff if she thought it was her grandaughter which she doubts. Yes it hurts to have to deal with that but they can act however they please. The reason for the denial is because He is dark and my baby is too light. He has a identical twin who's baby was just born in February is light too and has hazel eyes, he looks exactly like my baby,they do not deny him but they deny my baby still. So far the judge has granted him supervised visitation once a week. They also ordered him to take a drug test which he refused. He admitted that due to his ministry (he's a "preacher" by the way) he will test positive because he's around other people that do drugs when he is ministering to youth and trying to get them to go to church. smh


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

TMR said:


> The crazy thing about this is that although he still denies the baby he filed for full custody. So now were in and out of court. This is making me hate him even more than I already do. He does not pay support yet and hasn't bought anything for the baby at all, and his mom told someone that they would buy her stuff if she thought it was her grandaughter which she doubts. Yes it hurts to have to deal with that but they can act however they please. The reason for the denial is because He is dark and my baby is too light. He has a identical twin who's baby was just born in February is light too and has hazel eyes, he looks exactly like my baby,they do not deny him but they deny my baby still. So far the judge has granted him supervised visitation once a week. They also ordered him to take a drug test which he refused. He admitted that due to his ministry (he's a "preacher" by the way) he will test positive because he's around other people that do drugs when he is ministering to youth and trying to get them to go to church. smh


 I was going to suggest after your first post that he is on drugs. You need to get out of this situation, find a job to support your kids and put your sex life on the back burner until you get the rest of your life and your kids' lives sorted out.


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## TMR (May 6, 2013)

northland said:


> Your husband beat you up and he's got a stay away order and you want to now go back to an excon who got 15 years to life?
> 
> Your main question is can you now have sex with someone else other than your husband?
> 
> ...


The crazy thing about this is my husband did not have any criminal record he is a "preacher" the ither guy was falsely accused and able to prove it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TMR said:


> The crazy thing about this is my husband did not have any criminal record he is a "preacher" the ither guy was falsely accused and able to prove it.


What were the charges that he was falsely accused of?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TMR said:


> The crazy thing about this is that although he still denies the baby he filed for full custody. So now were in and out of court. This is making me hate him even more than I already do. He does not pay support yet and hasn't bought anything for the baby at all, and his mom told someone that they would buy her stuff if she thought it was her grandaughter which she doubts. Yes it hurts to have to deal with that but they can act however they please. The reason for the denial is because He is dark and my baby is too light. He has a identical twin who's baby was just born in February is light too and has hazel eyes, he looks exactly like my baby,they do not deny him but they deny my baby still. So far the judge has granted him supervised visitation once a week. They also ordered him to take a drug test which he refused. He admitted that due to his ministry (he's a "preacher" by the way) he will test positive because he's around other people that do drugs when he is ministering to youth and trying to get them to go to church. smh


Being around people who are on drugs does not make a person test postive for drugs.

If he tests postive for drugs, he's a user. You know him. Did he ever use drugs around you?

Him being a preacher does not make him a good person. You know that. It's so easy to be a preacher it's rediculous.

How sad that a man like him is allowed to minister to young people.


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## TMR (May 6, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> From the sound of it all I would definitely recommend you take some time to get yourself together. Like SadWith said... 'Go solo instead of so low'.
> 
> Legally, it comes down to the wording of your MSA. Was it properly filed with your county's family court? The general assumption in NYS is that when an MSA is accepted by the court and is in effect, then you are legally unbound from one another. Single, essentially. But you MUST check your MSA for wording. If it's not in there then you need to at least check with the court clerk. They usually can tell you for sure.
> 
> ...


There was no MSA filed but due to the stay away order of protection which was automatically filed in criminal court we are legally separated. My husband never had a criminal record before this. I met him in church. He's a "minister"


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Legally you can sleep with who you want.

Considering your situation I don't see a problem with you having sex with someone else before an actual divorce goes through.

I'd re-think hooking back up with an Ex though as he's an Ex for a reason, maybe a reason beyond incarceration.

Whatever you decide take it slow and think about what you really want.


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## TMR (May 6, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Being around people who are on drugs does not make a person test postive for drugs.
> 
> If he tests postive for drugs, he's a user. You know him. Did he ever use drugs around you?
> 
> ...


He did smoke weed a few times but from my understanding he stopped a couple of months before we were married. It turned out to be a lie. A week before he fractured my nose I caught him smoking weed at his at his Godmothers house and we had a big argument. He was so disrespectful on that day..long story. Yes, I know it's not possible, but he is simple minded. The judge told him this twice. The second time she told him that he was not to leave the courthouse until he takes the test.I have the whole thing recorded because due to the fact that he's a "minister" a lot of people don't believe me when I tell them. Especially when I tell them about him fracturing my nose, which he has never admitted to doing. I basically was blamed for that b/c of peoples disbelief. PS when he goes to court he puts his collar on around his neck to let them know that he is a minister. when he filed for full custody he wrote "I am a Reverend with many good connections and I sincerely wish for my daughter," who he is still denying "to live with me. I can provide a loving and stable environment for her, which her mother cannot, and it is not safe for her to be with her mother." Someone else had to write this for him because he is dyslexic and these are not words he would use.


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## TMR (May 6, 2013)

tacoma said:


> Legally you can sleep with who you want.
> 
> Considering your situation I don't see a problem with you having sex with someone else before an actual divorce goes through.
> 
> ...


He's not really an ex it's more like FWB. I can't get him off of my mind. Before I started dating my husband I was praying that he would come home, with no hope I moved on, fell in "love" and married my husband.


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## northland (Apr 13, 2012)

TMR said:


> They also ordered him to take a drug test which he refused. He admitted that due to his ministry (he's a "preacher" by the way) he will test positive because he's around other people that do drugs when he is ministering to youth and trying to get them to go to church. smh


That excuse doesn't even qualify as "remotely lame".

You sound like you actually believe it though.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Lot of things sound weird and sketchy here. But whatever. So, your wanting to go screw someone else? And your ex is violent and on drugs. What if he finds out? Are you prepared to deal with the sh*tstorm thats going to bring? Wait till the divorce is final.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

lost hunter said:


> I agree with Thound, take some time to reflect on past decisions and put yourself and your children first. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but I would rather have a happy life with someone that loved and respected me than just find a warm body. Good Luck.


:iagree:


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Your husband is not the deffinition of a 'minister' in my book...

As for your choice in men...girl...buy a vibrator.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TMR said:


> The way I'm feeling emotionally and the way my sex drive is I need a booty call lol I've been seeing this guy since I was 15. He's honestly not my ex. It was strictly a sexual relationship. Friends with benefits. I will try to look up laws in my state to see though. I'm sure my husband has done some things by now.


My concern here is that you are 21 with 3 children already. Can you really afford to support these children? Do you have a job?

Is there a different baby-daddy for each of your children?

If you go out and get booty calls, you might very well get pregnant again. You also put yourself at risk for STDs. This is not good for you or for your other children.


I agree with Stella about the vibrator. That last thing you need are more low life men in your life who knock you up.


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## TMR (May 6, 2013)

northland said:


> That excuse doesn't even qualify as "remotely lame".
> 
> You sound like you actually believe it though.



lol who would believe that? Everyone in the courtroom was trying not to laugh at him


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