# Two different love languages



## mildy_peeved (Feb 28, 2011)

I had a sudden thought just now, as I was getting my wife a cup of tea. I'm familiar with the concept of "Love Languages", and we're definitely very different. It comes as no surprise that a kinesthetic's love language is touch 

The thought I had, and would like your opinions on, is:

Is it possible to show love in one way, and seek to be shown love in another?

In my case, while I love to touch, and that's certainly partly how I show love, I also love "acts of service". All she needs to do is express a need or want, and I'm out of my chair seeing to it. But what I need in return is touch. Acts of service to me are a "shrug" because I prefer to just do things myself.

What are your thoughts?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

mildy_peeved said:


> Is it possible to show love in one way, and seek to be shown love in another?


Absolutely. That's the key to understanding _The Five Love Languages_. The theory is that you "speak" your spouse's love language and they reciprocate by "speaking" yours. You should be in good shape, if your wife's love language is "acts of service". If that's not her love language, then her "love tank" is not being filled. Have you and your wife taken the quiz to determine what each of you require? Here's a link for you, The 5 Love Languages | Five Love Languages .


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

I look for signs in what the man needs and try to give him that. Often it REFLECTS what I would like but doesn't mirror it. I guess all that is mirrored is that to feel loved I have to feel like he has paid attention to who I am and seen some details (like knowing my major iin school after three years of me talking about it constantly LOL, not picking the thing I mentioned a couple of times as where I will go next in my education ARG!!! THANKS FOR LISTENING BUTTHEAD HAHA) Anyway.... I guess in THAT sense I am looking for what I am getting, but the things that do it will be really differnet


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## mildy_peeved (Feb 28, 2011)

Thank you for your thoughts!

I don't think I quite communicated properly. What I'm considering is that MY love language for showing love is "acts of service", but MY love language for feeling loved is Physical Touch.

I'm fairly certain hers is "quality time" or "acts of service". I should hook us up with the question/test site sometime.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

mildy_peeved said:


> I'm fairly certain hers is "quality time" or "acts of service". I should hook us up with the question/test site sometime.


Yes, you should. If hers isn't "acts of service", then your efforts to show love through that service isn't getting through. The tank isn't filling. 

Mine IS acts of service. Though my SOs is physical touch, and quality time. Since that isn't MY primary LL, I have to consciously make that effort to fill HIS tank. 

There was frost on our car windows this morning, and while he was leaving for work I see him out there scraping the ice off of my windshield. So that tells me that he gets it. 

And tonite, I'll give him a big hug and a kiss and thank him for doing what he did this morning. That will be filling HIS tank. I'll also make sure that I spend some cuddle time, just hanging out. 

It's a win-win situation.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Many times what we "show" is also one of our love languages. Take the test and see where that one ranks with you. 

One of my estranged husband's love languages (although 3rd place) was "gifts". We really had a hard time with this one, since I scored a zero in that category. My estranged husband insisted on showing me affection by getting expensive flowers from the florist on occasion. Quite honestly I could care less. Although they were beautiful and I thanked my husband for them, they did not convey love to me. I saw them as an unnecessary expense and something that would just whither away--and be in the way. Now, had he planted a rose bush in the yard or helped me establish a flower bed, I would have been ecstatic. However, anytime I gently tried to convey this to him, he couldn't see the problem. I usually got responses similar to this, "I hate yard work." Or, "My father used to make me do yard work--I don't have to now." And this was a huge problem because I scored a 12 (max score) on the quiz for "acts of service".

Now this makes me wonder something else. Perhaps conditioning is part of the factor here. People are conditioned to show love a certain way from a very early age. Much advertising money is spent telling a man he needs to show his affection by giving flowers, jewelry, etc. My husband thought he was showing love. If "acts of service" is not your love language, perhaps you were conditioned at an early age to show affection this way. It could have been positively reinforced by a parent (who's love language is "acts of service").


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## tpb72 (Feb 18, 2011)

I totally get what you're saying here. 

Some glaring examples for me are: 


I love being touched but am uncomfortable touching. 
I love giving acts of service but feel uncomfortable when people do things for me. 
I love planning and coming up with the ultimate gift for my SO but don't like receiving them.
If I don't feel my giving acts of service or gifts are appreciated or they are taken for granted, it upsets me greatly.

In this regard I think the languages of love are a little over simplified; valuable as a rather simple start to understand your partners wants and needs but not very thorough.


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