# Should I stay?



## Awakening (Jul 5, 2011)

My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 5. Before we got married we discussed having children, and he had ground rules, such as having stable jobs, good cars, and owning a home. We have met all of these goals. Around Christmas I felt we were ready to start a family, so I approached the subject with my husband. At first he did not want to talk about it but I kept pushing the subject. Eventually he told me he did not want to have kids, but did not have a reason for his change of heart. I told him that I always wanted a family and this was a deal breaker for me. This is what I thought but I did some soul searching and wanted to try and make the marriage work. However, my husand says I gave him an ultimatium. While we are still together, but there is serious tension and he does not want to speak about. The desire to have a family is still in me, but I was raised that divorce is wrong. What should I do?


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

You feel divorce is wrong but living in a unhappy unhealthy one sided situation is? I don't think so. If you choose to stay I can tell you this is how you life will be, unhappy, and unfulfilled. I mean after all you are with someone who doesn't want kids and you do. That is a deal breaker for some. So are you content to let him have his way (so to speak) by not having kids when you really do? Years will pass, and I doubt your desire for having kids will just go away. This is a subject two people need to be on the same page about. You will probably have to make a decision soon.


----------



## Rainbird (Sep 13, 2010)

This can be highly emotionally charged territory, I know because I'm going through a very similar situation myself though mine differs in that when we got married 11 years ago neither one of us thought we wanted kids but over the last several I've had a change of heart and my wife really hasn't. 

I'd take a look at your overall relationship and make sure you're taking it all into account before making any sort of quick decision about staying or leaving. That said, if you want a family and he absolutely doesn't I think you'll have to find a way to move on otherwise the regret you'll feel will likely turn to resentment and bitterness over time ultimately destroying what good you do have. I'd really suggest trying to get him to open up about why he feels differently now . . . I don't know how old you guys are but it really started to weigh on me the closer I got to my forties since i felt at that stage the door on having children would begin to close. Perhaps there are issues or fears that he needs to deal with before he's ready for such an important life changing event.

Try to be patient (if you feel you can) if you have a good, solid relationship and try to get him to open up before you even consider moving on . . . you certainly don't want to pressure him into being a father but equally if you do split up, make sure you've given it every chance you could.

Best of luck.


----------



## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Was it a change of heart, or entrapment? I think you are justified to be upset if he led you to believe you would have kids before he married you and has now changed his mind.

If it was a legitimate change of heart, there should be a reason for it. Is he now just comfy? Has he grown selfish?

If you think he led you on just to marry you, dump him.


----------



## Awakening (Jul 5, 2011)

I spoke with my husband and he feels that he is just not cut out to be a father. When I asked for futher information on this he does not want to talk about it anymore. I guess this gave me the answer I need I just don't want to face the reality of being the first in my family to divorce. I am 29 so I believe I can still meet someone and have a family, but only time and God will really be able to tell. 

Thank you to everyone who gave me some help!


----------

