# Wife sent audio clip of her masturbating to an ex!!!



## andy32m (Jan 27, 2011)

I'll try to keep this short with all the pertinent info:

I am 32 wife is 28. We have been married for 3 years and together for 7. We have been through a lot!!! I admit that I had a porn addicition when we first started dating, that was borderline serious and that I refused to address. I have since overcome this addiction and have been porn free for at least 16-18 months. We have been through IVF twice and have had two miscarriages. My wife had gastric bypass surgery last May and since that surgery she has lost over 100 pounds. We were both very overweight and that led to our fertility issues. My heaviest was 293 and I am also down to 256. Her heaviest was around 250 and she is down close to 150 now.

In October I caught her on yahoo messenger chatting with an ex-boyfriend about how she was unhappy in our marriage and that she regretted getting married in the first place. There was heavy flirting going and she admitted to "screwing around on me." 

Since then my life has been hell (4months). i have read a lot on this board about emotional affairs and accused her of having one. She was averaging 6000 text messages a month but if I ever checked her phone there wasn't a single text in there. I started monitoring her texts and she would sometimes being sending close to 400 while she was at work. She stated there was nothing serious going on and that she felt like she was in jail and didn't want to be in that type of marriage. She lost of loving feelings toward me. She used to put up pictures on facebook of the two of us together and status messages about how she loved me. That came to complete halt. Every picture is of her. She has only genuinely said "I Love You" one time in the past 4 months.

We went to couples counseling and she didn't give it a shot. We only made it to 2 sessions. I have been continuing to go to therapy on my own for the past several months and it has been helping. In fact at my last session I came to the realization that I don't deserve to be treated this way and if she is unhappy and wants to leave that I would be fine. I stopped checking her phone records and emails at that point. I have really come to some peace in my mind about the whole thing, until this morning.....

She has been acting more loving lately and trying harder to show appreciation to me and even talked about trying to have another baby the other night for the first time in months. Then the past two nights she spent hours on the laptop in the bedroom without me around. I was getting a little concerned and then she mentioned something last night that I can't even remember now that made me think something was up. So, this morning I checked her email.... and found that she had sent an audio file of her masturbating to her ex-boyfriend that I talked about earlier. 

I immediately called her at work and flipped out on her and called her every name in the book. I totally had lost my cool. She claimed it was an escape and a thrill and that there was nothing to it and that is the only time she has ever done something like that. I called her a liar and said I don't believe her. YOu don't just do something like that out of thin air and that something had to prompt that.

I am completely disgusted. I knew something was going on. She is very protective of her phone. She won't leave it unattended for a second. It is a huge matter of concern for me. When I told her I didn't want her on yahoo instant messenger anymore she just moved to facebook chat. Now she is on skype chat. When I told her I had monitoring her texts she installed a third pary application on her phone call KIK Messenger so that she could still text this guy without me knowing.

I am beside myself right now and don't know what I should do. I truly love my wife. She can be difficult at times to live with but I have grown to love her and accept all her faults as part of her personality. We have been through so much together probably more in 2.5 years of marriage then most people go through in a lifetime. She keeps asking me what i want to do and I don't know how to answer that. My head hurts so bad and I can't think clearly. I would appreciate any advice.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Andy:

First question for you to answer is do you want to save your marriage, You have not mentioned children, it is a lot easier to move on without children than to find out in 10 years or so she is in either a new affair or in the same affair.


In the interim I suggest the following:

You follow a few courses. You run what is called a Plan A, in parallel you run extracts of a 180 on your wife. Normally you do not run both, the 180 is to enable you to control yourself. 

Plan A below



> *The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A*
> 
> 
> The carrot of Plan A
> ...


The 180 below:



> Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
> 
> No frequent phone calls.
> 
> ...



Your first step is to break the affair and get the OM (other man) out of the picture.

If you have access to his facebook account extract all his friend details into word, if you do not, use your wife's id to get into his account and do this. If you do not know her password, load a keylogger onto the PC and record what she is doing. Without being specific you want the details of as many friends and family of his that you can get. 

Once you have obtained the details as part of Plan A you expose the affair to the broader group of his friends and family, there are words we will give you to send. You are going to use the same tools that they run the affair with the break the affair. Be it a text message, facebook or email. If the OM is not married then you are looking for his parents and siblings details, if he his married, engaged or has a girlfriend your are looking for their details. 

At the same time as you expose the affair on the OM's side you inform her parents and siblings of her affair, you may choose one or two of her friends who you know will not support the affair. There are words to use for this as well. 

What we want to achieve here is to make the OM's life so uncomfortable that if is not worth his while to be in contact with your wife. This gives you the opportunity to work on your marriage. 

Andy , if you are not prepared to fight for your marriage and it will be exhausting, then stop now and separate. 

A few pointers;

Post regularly, do not move out of the home, eat and exercise well - the stress is going to hit you, follow plan A to the tea, use the 180 to protect you as long as you do not use it to distance your wife or love bust her. 

DO NOT tell her what you are doing....

Go to the following sites and read the articles:-

Affaircare

Articles

and Marriage Builders

Articles


You keep to the Plans and do not invent your own, these plans are designed to give you the maximum chance to save your marriage.

Have patience and be methodical,


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Can I strongly suggest that you do everything in your power to lose weight. I lost 60 pounds and it completely changed the dynamics of my relationship. Not because of how my wife felt but because of how I felt about myself.

Look good, feel good and be positive. Feeling sorry for yourself would be understandable in your situation but don't let it happen, it is a turn off.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Did you ever notice that everyone who has ever had gastric bypass surgery (my sister and attorney included) have gained huge amounts of weight back at some point?!!! Most just don't deal with the emotional issues that cause them to eat OR CHEAT!
You've gotten good advise here. Follow it.


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