# Cant do any thing right



## worried123 (Mar 7, 2012)

It seems the last few weeks I can't do any thing right. I feel like im 
Walking on egg shells all the time. Just this weekend alone
I was told I don't organize the fridge properly, I was helping him
And took him a pail of water and he was mad I took so long and that I brought
Hot water not cold. Today I asked him how much money he had in his wallet.and he flipped his
Lid. I didn't even have time to explain I was going to
The bank and just wanted to see if he needed money.

He said I need to learn how to ask questions properly.
And I lost it I just started to cry and have been in my room
Crying for two hours. 

I don't ever mean to be rude I
Just trying to help but it seems whatever I do is wrong.
I'm scared to say any thing or do any thing. Because he seems 
So mad at me all the time.

It's just little things but it's all the time. If I bring it
Up he is mad if I don't say anything then I'm sad 

Need advice on how to deal with it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

It sounds like your husband is angry, defensive and frustrated. You are afraid of his temper, beaten-down and insecure.

Some time when you and your husband are having a calm moment, tell him that when you asked him about how much money he had in his wallet you were simply trying to inquire whether he needed additional cash since you were on your way to the bank. Tell him you would like to work on better communications BOTH WAYS between the two of you.

There are books you can get (try the library for free books) on improving communications. Ask him if he would be willing to read one with you then you can both discuss the book together and see if you can BOTH get some tips on how to improve your listening and speaking skills. Hopefully, he will agree to do so.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

What does your communication skills have to do with you being yelled at about some hot water? I agree that if you wanted to know if he needed money from the bank, then you should have asked if he needed money from the bank. However, you are not the problem in this scenario.

You probably heard the old saying "Women marry their father." If you did, you likely didn't know what it means. Some people think it means women marry men who looklike their father or men who act like their father, but it doesn't mean either of those. It means women get with a man (boyfriend/husband) and act like his child. Women allow men to tell them what to do, and she obeys. She lives her life by his permission and approval. Women allow men to govern, rule, yell, control, criticize, and so on, while she runs to her room to cry.

Any of that sound familiar?

You can keep on living as if he is your father. Or, you can refuse to put up with this kind of treatment and demand respect. 

The only way to demand respect is not to tolerate disrespect. That means you have to have enough self esteem and sense of worth to leave a man who mistreats you. Ordinarily, leaving will wake him up, and he will be more willing to talk and change his ways. Most often, the change doesn't last very long, maybe a couple weeks or a couple months. But, it's usually not permanent because even though he begs you to come back, professes his undying love, and makes a million empty promises to get you to come back home, he still has no idea how to respect you or that you are serious in your demand. Therefore, you make sure that one of those promises is to attend marriage counseling with you, and then make him keep that promise. Usually, the best idea is not going back until he begins attending and shows real sincere effort to change. Alas, most women are not able to hold out that long and go back just because he begged and made the promises. They go back too quickly because they, themselves, really are not serious in the demand that he make sincere effort. Whether you go back too soon or stay away until he truly gets the message is up to you, but you do have to leave. Since he controls you with his anger and you are unable to talk with him, then you have no other options. Either leave or stay and continue putting up with his abuse.

You probably came here with some expectation of there being a magic potion or words that possess supernatural effect of influence over him, but there is no such thing. The solution to your problem depends entirely on you. As you can see, you are not alone and this is very common among couples, and marriage counseling with a good counselor can produce satisfactory results. A good counselor is not one who will take either side. A good counselor will not criticize him and tell him how wrong he is to treat you this way. That will only alienate him and make him stop going to the sessions. What a good counselor does is pinpoint the problem, and then give you both goal-oriented methods exercises to learn the skills and tools for effective communication and mutual respect. So, dry your tears and decide to be a grown woman who is his wife and not his child. Then, decide to put a stop to him mistreating you.


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