# I had to leave him for good, I had no choice!



## Crystal2675 (Apr 17, 2009)

Hi  this is my first time on this site and it looks hopeful to share some insight into what I have been through for nearly 2 years....its a long one, sorry!! 

my partner (now ex) who is 42, and myself 8 years younger met back in Sept 07. His ex moved out of their house together they bought 4 years ago. Myself and my partner had a few rocky patches ie first 3 months he was still browsing on a dating site and I caught him on an email to a friend mentioning that he would like "a bit of the other" not sure what that meant, when they were planning a football session pub crawl?

He denied all knowledge of both, 6 months later I had moved into his house, excepting these strange incidents and put them down to jokes and nothing else. While I was living in his house, renting out my flat at the time, things were going well until every other day there were phone calls from debt agents, or letters from bills not being paid and one day to the extreme someone came round to pick his car up while we were in a restaurant because he missed 3 payments which his parents bailed him out of? I was quite embarrassed and to top it off his parents gave him £10k to pay something off, still not sure what that was???

so a few months later I sense something isnt right with his money, I asked him to be honest (this was a year later) his ex wanted so much for the house when she moved out, but because my partner couldnt afford it decided to put the house up for sale instead so we could just end all this and put it to bed.
Well weeks passed and this is what I found out, he took out a remortgage with his ex from extravagent holidays which was £34,000 on the house remortgage now, then he had 6 credit cards which he owed £15k on, then another loan when he was 19 years old of £28k now down to £20k which he put on the mortgage. his mortgage is £250k which at that time he was paying £1600 per month, now its down to £1100 per month. Then he has his car which is £450 per month, so at the moment he is paying out roughly over £3k including household bills....all debts really.
I was furious and left....this gave him the incentive to rent out all 4 of his rooms which was fine...but had to kick him up the backside to do this....1 month later we have a chat and things are fine, all rooms are rented and he is bringing in £1400 per month from these people and his salary £3000, a nice amount per month!! but....he is still paying out £2700 per month for all his debts. He misses council tax payments and is still to this day 2 months in arrears with his mortgage :scratchhead: The mortgage still isnt signed over in his name even though his ex has sent a letter to agree this, so she is furious sending my ex threatening letters to hurry up because she cant move on!

I am lost and just beyond knowing how he pays what off or where its going....then.....here it comes.....one night while I was out with friends he gambles online and makes £2700, saying this will go on the mortgage to keep it up to arrears, but it never did. He paid it towards his car apparently and other bills??? I was furious

1 month later, living in my flat, him paying me £150 per month, I start to fume, something inside me boils and I lose it. After working a 50 day most weeks and him working 2 days in his office at work and 3 at home, getting up later in the morning and the gym at 4pm, this makes me more mad!!
We do everything together, shopping, he was great for going out buying little bits, but sometimes I really wanted him to do the shopping without me as I never had time some days, or do the garden (which he hated) in the end I started to resent him and left him just Monday gone!

He said he is sick of me treating him like this, and that he does everything for me:scratchhead: and he has never loved anyone as much as me.....then as soon as I get angry again because its come to a head, he turns it straight around and says the following "well just because you work on TV doesnt make you some superstar and you arent on TV now, do you know who you are talking to??" (I was shell shocked) then says I will have a nervous breakdown soon and to watch myself on the motorway or I might lose my job as well soon...??? (you what??)

After making me feel 2 ft tall and leaving me crying.... with him no emotion off I send him...i get emails the next day saying he is sorry for the hurtful things he said to me but I was just as hurtful and that he loves me blah blah blah.....then the next day he tells me that someone has now put an offer in for the house....but even still I am not budging even though I am hurting and I dont want him to know that, so ignoring all texts and emails....

We have been off and on before, but I have never ever felt this disgusted after his comments or angry.....i still feel yuk but my mum, friends say its the right thing to do and to never get involved with him financially. He still owes his ex apparantly £7k from a holiday, hence the reason why she isnt paying her remortgage payment half share etc...

sorry its long....boy I hope you havent fallen asleep
thanks for reading, I am so shattered I cant sleep.....its still playing on my mind as I loved him dearly, its the quiet days like now that gives me time to think...its quite painful!! xx


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