# my husband has erectile dysfunction



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

I


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

An


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If he will not take the supplements you can kiss your sex life goodbye.

And yes your marriage will most likely fall apart without sex. Sex is what causes the bond between husband and wife to stay strong..


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

j


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has he tried DHEA?


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

l


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

w


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I think maybe you guys should let him try the testosterone therapy. Many times the benefits of medicating far outweigh the possible risks. It may help him feel better in general, not just sexually, and I think that seems worth it.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

I


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think it could be mental. he knows he don't last long enough and is feeling pressure to be something he is not.

maybe try telling him its ok if he dosn't last long because most women need direct clit stimulation. and that you are dying for his touch.

is he watching too much porn? porn can desenatise your mind and then you need more and more mental/visual stimulation alnog with masterbating with a tight grip can cause this.


maye some videos on sensual massage where you both ntake turns pleasing eachother.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Natural [ herbal ] Testosterone Boosting supplements:

1] TRIBULUS TERRESTRIS

2] TONGKAT ALI

3] YOHIMBE

4] VITAMINS A , C, E , B5 , B6.

A regular exercise programme and at least 6 - 8 hours sleep during the night.

If he's overweight and has a stressful job , that too can contribute. There may also be a mental aspect as chillymorn above said.


----------



## Mansman (Dec 27, 2012)

Viagra is one of the safest drugs available unless the man has a heart condition.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> If he will not take the supplements you can kiss your sex life goodbye.
> 
> And yes your marriage will most likely fall apart without sex. Sex is what causes the bond between husband and wife to stay strong..


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

I


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

A few comments.

First, psychologically he could be devastated by his very short endurance, and then that plays into his ED. His problem is not just mild at this point. I think he needs a multi-pronged approach which includes a good sex therapist. Maybe also a marriage therapist.

As a man I can tell you that your attitude will have a great affect on him. If you demean his masculinity you will kill his libido forever with you. This must be a positive response from you. "I love you and I love sex with you. I know WE can find a way for us to have great sex WE both enjoy".

I think you are totally wrong about T supplements. Look into injectibles and have him see a qualified endocrinologist who specializes in hormone replacement. He needs a good thorough workup not just his regular doc doing a T blood test. BTW, what are his numbers for T? Suzanne Somers has written some books on hormone replacement and with T it is completely safe if done properly. Even the threat of prostate cancer is incorrect with T replacement.

Low T will affect libido and ED.

Viagra, Cialis, etc may help him both with ED and PE.

His lack of sexual experience and you having had a lot of lovers may be contributing to his psych issues. Do not compare him to others and do not mention others.

I don't think this is a DIY project, you two need some good professional guidance.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

ye.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like you demasculated him by running the show outside the bedroom. and then all of the sudden you want him to be more forcfull inside the bedroom.


I don't think you guys are a very good match. and his body or sex drive has shut down because subconsiously he dosn't want you to run the show so to speak. he might feel your overbaring and controling in other areas and his resentment about finally has shut his sex drive down might even be depressed.

just like with the men who post about their sorry sex life most times if the relationship has other problems then it shows up in the bedroom as well.

or I could be totaly off base ...... 





Naomi22 said:


> yeah- after YEARS of this I have lost patient and I do say unkind things to him. IT is hard for me to be kind about it anymore and I guess that does contribute. But like even right now we are discussing it and he is like- okay, so when our kid naps I'll try to do stuff to you with my hands and mouth. And my response is like- ugh, you suck at that anyway-. Because he does- so yeah I could be kinder but I am so mad at him.
> He awlays says-I'll try - but doesn't try. After being together 7 years he still has no clue about how to touch my vagina. And I have showed him a million times. It feels so clinical- like- okay, lie there and be patient and let me try to figure this out - and it makes me irritated and cringe- it turns me off. So we are in a vicious cycle here. I Am so mad at him and feel like he makes no effort. I guess Iwhould be more patient and encouragind and kinder and gentler with him but I am so frustrated. I feel like he doesn't make an effort to try ad I am so tired of lying there while he "tries" and me actuallyhaving to direct him like- uh, you are clueless- touch me like this, etcetera. IT ties into another issue in our marriage which is that he is very passive and I am more dominant. IT works okay in the other aspects of our marriage actually- as our personalities just are that way and always have been- but in sex it does not work. I want my lover to be able to master sex and be a good lover and for me tobe able to be passive and receive pleasure. I don't want ot have to run the show in sex. sigh.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

l


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

it


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

and


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Mansman said:


> Viagra is one of the safest drugs available unless the man has a heart condition.


I may be wrong, but wasn't Viagra created originally as a heart medication?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I think you should talk to your hubby about trying the testosterone. It's safer to take now, but he needs to speak with a doctor about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Naomi22 said:


> and furthermore-  I did not want him to all of a sudden be more forceful in the bedroom. I have always wished he were more competent in that area. Iwas just saying that in our relationship in general he has a passive personality- I did not create that for him. He was always like that even as a child. He is sweet and kind and kind of passive. That is just how he is. Yes ideally I wish he were more assertvie in sex- there is nothing wrong with that.
> It is hard to lay out all these personal details in a forum and then get those types of responses becuase people can really jump to false comclusions based on things they really don't know. I understand you don't know us and can draw from maybe your own personal experiences but it your post makes me feel defensive!


thats why I put the disclaimer of I might be totaly off base....



with that said I now wonder if I was right on point because of your muliple post about my post. so you are sensing something there.

just because someone is passive dosn't mean they want you to run the show he might feel like your to controling ....heres an Idea mention to him that some a$$hole was posting about this and you were interested in his opinion about if your assertivness is a turn off to him. that way he can reassure you thats it not the problem .



again just throwing ideas out there. based on life experiances. sorry if i'm off base.

good luck hope you find the answers . you might have to accept that you married a passive guy and learn to live with it but please don't do the lover on the side thing. if you can deal with it and he is unwilling to try then divorce.


----------



## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Naomi22 said:


> and furthermore-  I did not want him to all of a sudden be more forceful in the bedroom. I have always wished he were more competent in that area. Iwas just saying that in our relationship in general he has a passive personality- I did not create that for him. He was always like that even as a child. He is sweet and kind and kind of passive. That is just how he is. Yes ideally I wish he were more assertvie in sex- there is nothing wrong with that.
> It is hard to lay out all these personal details in a forum and then get those types of responses becuase people can really jump to false comclusions based on things they really don't know. I understand you don't know us and can draw from maybe your own personal experiences but it your post makes me feel defensive!


The problem is that you want him to be something he is not, and never has been. You have been with lots of men who were better but for some reason you married one that doesn't satisfy you sexually. Honestly, you should have married someone with a sex drive similar to your own.

But I think various kinds of drugs and hormone therapy are going to be your best bet. That and maybe he can start a muscle building program that will boost his T. My last suggestion is to get him to look at porn and other forms of erotica and see if he can get more interested in sex generally.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

all


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

one


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> I may be wrong, but wasn't Viagra created originally as a heart medication?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not to hijack the thread, but yes in a way. They were trying to come up with a drug that would dilate the arteries in the heart during a heart attack.

--Only it didn't. It dilated the arteries in the genitals instead.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Does he exercise at all? (Running, working out, etc.)


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

h.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Naomi22 said:


> So I lay down in our bed to take a nap and husband came in to cuddle me. He tried to have sex and tried to touc me and I just kept rejecting him and pushing him away. His semi erect penis turns me off. But also I can be kind of a ***** about it. I don't know. I am glad he tried at least though I didn't let him.


Wow....

You're describing an attitude that would wilt steel....


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

yes-


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

o


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Patience has its limits and we all get upset enough to show it sometimes. I understand that.

And this is actually your husband's problem and he needs to deal with it. Exercise helps. Certain foods help. He really needs to talk to his physician. 

I'm sure you realize that erection is controlled by the autonomic nervous system, *not* by the conscious mind. If you're one of those rare people that can make goose bumps appear on your skin just by the power of your mind alone, I'm impressed. If you're not, then you can have some empathy for what he's trying to overcome here.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

I


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

o


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

t


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

The


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

s


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Naomi22 said:


> Anyway- after today I think I am gonna stop posting abot this as I know I will just continue to open myself up to criticism and that isn't helpful to me or to my situation! But I do appreciate those of you who made thoughtful and helpful suggestions or empathy for me. This is a tough situation to be in. I LOVE my man a lot I really do but his ED is difficult to handle.
> I especially appreciate the poster who suggested the DHEA supplement as that seems promising. In general I just found this forum and it seems interesting so I would like to continue to visit it but I do feel there isn't much more onthis topic I can get help with, and I am not so into having a bunch of people criticizing me for how I feel or sharing it.


Naomi,
I think what most of the men here are trying to tell you is that for a man ED is a very sensitive issue.
During sex there is pressure to please the woman, and based on his history of not fully pleasing you, that pressure is killing his erection.

You did mention that you enjoyed sex with him before, but suddenly he became low drive and ED stepped in.
If you adopt a different approach, _and work with him_ on the problem, he stands a better chance of overcoming it, and in the long run you will be happy.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I get that you're frustrated and that you're an assertive woman...but no matter how strong you are you have to realize that you're married to a man. There are certain behaviours that can seriously damage us. Like if we constantly berated our wives by calling them fat or unnatractive. It's just not wise to shoot your husband down like he has a penis unworthy of you. Even if that is not your intent that is how we take it.

I seriously think there is a lot of psychological warfare going on in your husbands brain that is causing a lot of this. Dial it down a notch.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

o


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Naomi22 said:


> okay- I hear what you all are saying. I will think about it for sure. I get that it is a sensative subject for my husband and I hear you all that you see I am being unkind to him about it. I will not deny that. I havenot been patient and kind- in fact I probably honestly say worse things to him about it than I even shared on here. So yes I need to look at my behaviour. Bu how do you all suggest I act? I mean, as I have said many times I LOVE this man. I am not always as kind as I could be about his ED. But what would be a better way to be? Just continue to be patient with it for years and speak only kindly and gently and encouraging? I am not sure if I can do that!! I do need to work on getting closer to that though I guess. But I can't deny that his ED is a turn off for me. I am just not sure how to handle it in a kinder way.
> On that subkect I am open to suggestions. so- we start making out and he gets his semi erection- (he used to get full erections, yes). So what would be a kind way to respond? And then if it happens for years- what is a kind way to continue to respond?


I think somebody mentioned sex therapy earlier on.
I think that might help. [ both of you]


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

I.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Does he have a secret porn addiction?

Addicted to porn will desensitize him down there, leading to issues.

Perhaps he should buy a dildo for you? Or maybe even use a strap on? Could go for as long as you wanted then.

I guy at the shop had this problem. He is in his 50's. He takes Viagra and problem solved. Or try Cialas.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

n


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Try "Horny Goat Weed".


It will get him in the mood big time and it's very cheap. Or secretly stir it in his drinks......or testis tribulus will do the same thing. Large dose of either will do wonders.


----------



## Mansman (Dec 27, 2012)

What is the problem with trying Viagra? I invest in drug companies for a living and the PDE-5 inhibitors such as Viagra and Cialis are specifically indicated for E.D. You're wasting your time with DHEA and testosterone only helps those men with very low levels and even that is in dispute.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

k


----------



## Mansman (Dec 27, 2012)

It's a very safe drug except for men with heart conditions. All drugs and even supplements can have rare side effects but I wouldnt worry about it. You're more likely to die from aspirin. DHEA is a weak testosterone booster but I doubt his problem is low T. You should also not criticize, put pressure on him or take it personally. And why isn't he the one that is deciding what actions, if any, he wants to take? Do you run his life?


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think you all need to start over from the beginning.
He is supposed to be healthy and fit.
Maybe he should visit a doctor,because there are no obvious outward signs contributing to his ED.
Cardiovascular problems cause ED ,so his ED may be an early sign of heart problems and not necessarily sex problems.
I understand your frustrations !
But the problem can be solved.
Does he smoke?


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

after reading more of this I am shocked at how you treat your husband and his premature issue. I am convinced its all mental I don't think he can get it up because your attitude is just mean.


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

and


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

[


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

[


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

[ jeez- what a bunch of mean people you are!!!


----------



## Naomi22 (Dec 27, 2012)

Mansman said:


> It's a very safe drug except for men with heart conditions. All drugs and even supplements can have rare side effects but I wouldnt worry about it. You're more likely to die from aspirin. DHEA is a weak testosterone booster but I doubt his problem is low T. You should also not criticize, put pressure on him or take it personally. And why isn't he the one that is deciding what actions, if any, he wants to take? Do you run his life?


and yo continue to push your viagra and what not. good luck with that


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Naomi:
The most important sexual organ is the brain. If your husband is focusing too much on his performance, he will not be able to maintain an erection. He has to be thinking about how passionately he enjoys making love to you, not how hard he is or how long he will last. There is some perverse law of nature that says what we resist, persists, so you have to change the dynamic of your lovemaking with your husband.

For a month or so, try focusing on his pleasure only. Build his confidence back up. Pay lots of attention to his penis. Stroke it, vary the pressure and speed, and give him BJ's if you enjoy that. Tell him you love his whole body. Do not say a word about his hardness or endurance.

When his confidence is restored, then you can address your issues. Try sex games where you direct each other how you want to be pleased. Show him how you masturbate. Have sex in different parts of the house, or outside. Be enthusiastic when he gives you pleasure. Help him in small steps to learn how to hold back when he feels he is almost going to come.

I know that it is not so easy with a toddler in the house, but try to find times when your son is asleep, or lock the bedroom door while he watches cartoons Saturday morning. Plan together times when you can be sexual. 

Keep trying different things, and you will be rewarded with the enduring bond of a passionate sex life.


----------



## Mansman (Dec 27, 2012)

"good luck with that"? I could care less if your beaten down husband uses Viagra. I'm not the one with E.D. Nor am the one with a domineering wife who threatens to cheat if I can't get it up enough to satisfy her. I think any man couldn't get it up living with a woman like that...


----------



## TheGoodHusband (Dec 28, 2012)

lovesherman said it perfectly.


----------



## 33N 96W (Aug 25, 2012)

Some causes of ED are associated with 
• decreased or obstructed blood flow to the penis - coronary heart disease (CAD)
• diabetes (medication)
• smoking
• high blood pressure (medication)
• high cholesterol (medication)
• inadequate hormone production (testosterone) 

Suggest a physical exam/labs to rule out any CAD, high blood pressure, meds, high cholesterol, low-T problems.

Sildenafil has a half-life of 4.5 hours. 
Vardenafil has a half-life of 4-6 hours.
Tadalafil has a half-life of 17.5 hours.:smthumbup:


----------

