# Fibroids creating sexless marriage



## lefty64 (Jan 16, 2014)

Hello All,
I'm 49 years old and have been happily married to my wife for 20 years. My wife, 53 years old, has developed fibroids back in June of 2012. Because of painful intercourse, we have not been having intercourse for the last 1 year and 8 months. She refuses to have the surgery, (hysterectomy). This has been tough for me but made worse because she doesn't enjoy giving me pleasure in other ways. I have been using internet porn to basically prevent me from killing everybody I interact with. Just kidding!! I know it's not healthy but I figure it's a lot less worse than having an affair which I have NO intention of doing.

I think what bothers me most is that she doesn't mind going without sex for this long.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How was your sex life before it became painful for her? Was she more willng to provide relief for you in other ways before? It's possible she's using the surgery as a convenient excuse to not have sex with you. But I can't blame someone for not wanting major surgery that involves messing with hormonal systems and all...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lefty64 (Jan 16, 2014)

Our sex life was average to good but I would never describe how as a sexual woman.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Lefty, it's time you educate yourself about uterine fibroids. A woman doesn't have to have a hysterectomy and can instead have laparoscopic surgery to remove the fibroid or a uterine ablation.

I don't know the extent of her fibroids, but I have never heard of a friend, and so many of us have had them, have painful intercourse due to fibroids. But that doesn't mean it isn't possible. It's also possible that painful intercourse isn't painful 100% of the time since fibroids grow and shrink through out the month.

I think your wife has essentially written a note that says the dog ate her homework.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

lefty64 said:


> Hello All,
> I'm 49 years old and have been happily married to my wife for 20 years. My wife, 53 years old, has developed fibroids back in June of 2012. Because of painful intercourse, we have not been having intercourse for the last 1 year and 8 months. She refuses to have the surgery, (hysterectomy). This has been tough for me but made worse because she doesn't enjoy giving me pleasure in other ways. I have been using internet porn to basically prevent me from killing everybody I interact with. Just kidding!! I know it's not healthy but I figure it's a lot less worse than having an affair which I have NO intention of doing.
> 
> I think what bothers me most is that she doesn't mind going without sex for this long.


Porn is a terrible outlet, because it retrains your response so you are no longer good to obtain the real thing...

Why masturbation lowers your self esteem and causes depression | 2KnowMySelf


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

OK, I can chime in here. I had fibroids. Not only was sex extremely uncomfortable and often painful, I had heavy periods that looked like a murder scene in my panties, so I was anemic and weak around that time of the month. My libido was MIA. I simply lacked the desire, but I lacked desire for life in general. Hormones mess with women in a way that is difficult to understand.

I did not want surgery either. It was only when I was talking to ladies at work that I even went to the Dr. One went in for ablation and one went for ablation and settled for hysterectomy. I followed after that due to office peer pressure. LOL.

The surgery itself is not that bad. The pain is medium and recovery is a few months. Her concerns may be loss of the ovaries more than of the uterus. Ovaries produce our fine lady hormones! While I was able to keep mine, your wife is older and may not be able to. That means hormone therapy which can be tricky. Not to mention if she's entering menopause.

About six months after my surgery my libido kicked back in...turbocharged! Sex has been great ever since. Obviously I'm still older and there are issues that come with that, but I would heartily recommend a hysterectomy. It can do a world of good.

The question is, how do you get her to do it. That I'm not sure. It took a while for me to be convinced. But you need to be supportive and gentle with your approach. And if she gets the surgery, be there every step of the way. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I have every reason to believe this is a physical problem and not lack of love for you.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

lefty64 said:


> Our sex life was average to good but I would never describe how as a sexual woman.


Sounds like she got the perfect reason to get out of it all and no reason to feel bad. She can still pleasure her in other ways and you can still pleasure her without PIV penetration.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

yeah_right said:


> About six months after my surgery my libido kicked back in...turbocharged! Sex has been great ever since. Obviously I'm still older and there are issues that come with that, but I would heartily recommend a hysterectomy. It can do a world of good.


I'm pessimistic but hoping this might happen with my wife. At this point 2 1/2 months post surgery I'd say our sex life is about a 2.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> OK, I can chime in here. I had fibroids. Not only was sex extremely uncomfortable and often painful, I had heavy periods that looked like a murder scene in my panties, so I was anemic and weak around that time of the month. My libido was MIA. I simply lacked the desire, but I lacked desire for life in general. Hormones mess with women in a way that is difficult to understand.
> 
> I did not want surgery either. It was only when I was talking to ladies at work that I even went to the Dr. One went in for ablation and one went for ablation and settled for hysterectomy. I followed after that due to office peer pressure. LOL.
> 
> ...


I'm glad you posted your experience.

Looking back, is there anything that your husband could have done or said to make you move on this sooner or faster?

When I read your post, the bolded part, I was reminded of when my H first developed ED and nor terribly it effected me, personally. He would not discuss it or talk about, would not go to a doctor. I finally forced him to go! And by then I was seriously furious at him! 

How long should a spouse just be patient and hope the other takes care of themselves in order to take care of the marriage?


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm pessimistic but hoping this might happen with my wife. At this point 2 1/2 months post surgery I'd say our sex life is about a 2.


Did she get to keep her ovaries? It took a while for my hormones to stabilize. I still get very mild PMS symptoms (light bloating, acne and a little moody) but I now feel very, very healthy, sexy and confident. I was also able to take up more physical activity which also helps. Give her some more time. If it's not better at the six month mark, she might need to see the Dr. about hormones.


----------



## lefty64 (Jan 16, 2014)

My wife is 100% against surgery even the less intrusive type. She simply won't budge. Doctor advised her that 1 fibroid was 2.5 centimetres. My wife is simply going to wait it out.


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Looking back, is there anything that your husband could have done or said to make you move on this sooner or faster?


Honestly, I'm not sure. We have been pretty healthy all our lives and didn't really know what was wrong. He's a man and therefore a bit clueless on the inner workings of the female reproductive system. It's just one of those things where we did not understand. Thank goodness I had friends who went through it otherwise we might still be suffering. Once I told the H "Hey, I think I may have this problem and this possible solution" he was supportive. But until then he just thought I didn't want him anymore.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

yeah_right said:


> Did she get to keep her ovaries? It took a while for my hormones to stabilize. I still get very mild PMS symptoms (light bloating, acne and a little moody) but I now feel very, very healthy, sexy and confident. I was also able to take up more physical activity which also helps. Give her some more time. If it's not better at the six month mark, she might need to see the Dr. about hormones.


Yes she kept her ovaries and cervix.

OP does she say why she's 100% against surgery? The new surgery is minimally invasive. Just 4 tiny incisions, no big scar.


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

lefty64 said:


> My wife is 100% against surgery even the less intrusive type. She simply won't budge. Doctor advised her that 1 fibroid was 2.5 centimetres. My wife is simply going to wait it out.


There may very well be more in there. Once the Dr. got inside me (LOL) he found more than originally suspected. He also found that my uterus had fused to my muscle wall from past C-sections. Does she have any friends that have gone through it? At your ages, by now there must be people you know who have and can share positive stories.


----------



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Yes she kept her ovaries and cervix.


Then give her some more time for her system to regulate. Think of it as rebooting a computer. Although the removal process is less invasive, it is still surgery and she did have a major organ removed. The body needs time to recover. Hang in there!


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I do not mean to be rude, and i apologise if it comes across this way, but are you not sure shes using this as an excuse.

I have a fibroid, I never knew i had it until i was having a scan when i was pregnant, I never had any symptoms, so i never knew.

I was told it was as big as a grapefruit, but still i just said, "Oh well i have never had a problem with it".

They were not interested really, and just carried on.

I still have it, I have had another scan, they said it should shrink after i had my baby as hormones makes it grow, but no, still no symptoms of pain when i am having sex etc.

The only symptom i really have is heavy periods..... Anyway, sorry about the biology lesson..

All i am saying is, are you sure your wife is not just saying its painful for some reason or other.


----------

