# Need Help! Want to Save my marriage. separated still living together!



## RayRays1981 (Nov 5, 2010)

Okay everyone let me start out by saying this is a complete mess and I really do not know where to begin. I have been with my wife for 12 years and married for 9 almost 10. We have two beautiful daughters and I will say I love this woman to death. But over the past two years it seems like we are getting nowhere with each other. Let me start this by saying yes she was unfaithful once in the past and we talked about it a little bit. It was while she was pregnant with our first daughter. She actually came back and I took her back in. It died down for a little while and we always had good times. But she is always flirtatious and always has to be the life of the party. Which kind of irks me in a sense. But I look past all of that. We had financial problems and had to move in with my parents I found a new job and she was not working at the time. Well needless to say I decided to go back to school and get my degree. I decided that working would be wiser when we had our first child. Things weren't bad at all and we always joked about living with my parents forever. I never wanted it that way of course. It was only temporary until I finished college. Well we ran into some people and became friends with them and we found ourselves hanging out with them frequently. You know drinking and having good times. Well this went on for a while our sex life got better. Until I found some text messages to the lady's husband in a sexual manner. She told me they were nothing but a joke about getting prescription pills that she started to dabble in. I did not I did not like it at all. And I asked her to stop. Well needless to say I let it go. Until I find that she and this guy were conversing frequently at odd hours and for long periods of time. And then came to find out from his wife that when she was hanging there by herself during the week the wife would go to bed and she would be there till 4 in the morning. Of course this started to make me angry and then it caused the wife and my wife to not be friends anymore. But she continues to talk to this man. And we fought about it a lot. Well needless to say she said she was divorcing me in July and I started sleeping downstairs. Oh I forgot she has also had 6 deaths in the past 18 months in her family all that I have been there for her as well. Well I did that for a month and on my birthday we fought all day about our relationship. So I was going to sleep downstairs but she asked me to come upstairs so we could talk. We talked and we agreed to put all of this behind us and work on our relationship. Well Let's say things were going okay for a bit and we took our kids on vacation. Well I had enough of this little fling that she continued to keep up do not know if there is really an affair but everything I see leads that way. And on top of it I found more prescription medication that did not belong to her and I questioned her about it because she said she was not doing it anymore. She would not tell me who she got them from and I told her I was threatened to call the cops on her. But I didn't. Well I decided maybe we should try marriage counseling. She said she would go I ended up going by myself for the first visit and I told the counselor everything about me what I did and I told a little bit about her behavior. Well the counselor was in agreement that she is lying to me about something. Well we fought all week and we were talking good by that friday well she agreed to going and working through our problems. The appointment comes and she gets out of control on the way there and it ends up in her getting physical. I bit my tongue and did nothing needless to say we ended up missing the appointment. So that leads me to this week. We barely talked the beginning of the week and I made an attempt to say that things weren't that bad. And we should just try to see if we can work things out. Well she says that we are better off as friends and be civil for our children. But she continues to wear her rings and act like we are married wherever we go. But she says we as a couple are not an option. She has seen a lawyer once and said it would take two to three months to start the process. She will not move out and this morning we were talking like nothing is happening. Not saying I love you but we are talking like we aren't fighting. And I have backed off on trying to work things out with her. But does anyone have an opinion on what is going on here? I really love her and I don't want to get divorced or separated. I mean what do I do? Please help me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## manny1 (Nov 9, 2010)

I'm not a psychologist but I would swear that something bad happened to her probably in childhood. She is hiding something and sounds like she is hiding it from herself something that she is not ready to deal with. Seems very afraid of counseling which is why she sabotaged that session.. I would continue to go to counseling without her.


----------

