# At the end of the line.....



## springer (Jan 9, 2015)

We got married later in life, we're both over fifty, I'm sixty. We have no children and don't plan for any. 

Although we got married four years ago, we had been together for ten years prior to getting married. 

She was always the main earner, over 150k, employed in the plastics manufacturing biz, executive level marketing, product development and sales, etc. At one time she worked for a Swiss company and we traveled to Europe often, ate out a lot, shopped at Whole Foods, she had her hair done in Manhattan salon that charged over 400 for a cut and colorist, leased a Lexus, etc. Admittedly that business has gone to hell in the USA, with small margins, off-shoring, etc. She has a sterling reputation, is a committed team player-- works for the success of the company and not so much for her own advancement, hasn't been able to find a position at her level since we got married, and except for a couple of consulting gigs hasn't had any income, except for unemployment, and those gigs. She went through her 401K monies, etc. She has also gained weight since the day we got married and is obese.

I'm a self-employed contractor in the residential market, and my income fluctuates with the changes in the economy. But whenever I mention that she might take a part-time job till she finds something in her field, she goes ballistic, and nags me for hours on end describing how she carried the ball for those years, how I haven't worked for months (not true). We had to deal with a family issue relating to my elderly mother and she was a great help. But I'm going through every dime I make just to keep us afloat and we're currently one emergency away from being homeless. We're living in my mother's house which has to be sold to pay the nursing home and have recently gotten an eviction notice-- our days here are truly numbered and we're down to our last few hundred dollars. I just received a decent contract for a sizable rehab job, but since my bank account was closed for overdraft fees I cosign all my checks for her to deposit in her account, we're paying for two storage spaces. I pay the phone, the storage, her insurance on the car, etc. I also went through the cash value of my life insurance policy. I'm at the end of my rope.... the stress is excruciating any thoughts?


----------



## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Well...the mathematical aspect of this is that the two of you need to make more money than you are spending and you need to be able to pay your bills when they are due. Can you do that on just your income as a self-employed contractor? If not, then you explore your options of reducing your expenditures and increasing your income as a family unit. Math. 

The relationship aspect of this is that you sound like you resent your wife for not being willing to get some sort of work to supplement the family income and it might be easier for you to accept if she hadn't also gained a bunch of weight. 

The two of you need to work together to solve your joint financial issue. Why the two of you can't do that - I don't know. I think we'd need more details about how the two of you interact in general.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

She seems to be in serious denial about the seriousness of your financial crisis. Otherwise she'd be out there looking for a job. Unless she's got severe emotional issues that prevent her from seeking employment?

Either way eventually she's going to face a reality check and maybe she'll get a job and eat less and your problems will be solved.


----------



## MrsHaf (Jan 13, 2015)

I agree with Lenzi. From what you are saying , it seems you have been in a financial crisis for some time. It increasingly got worse. I dont wanna sound discriminatory to higher income people, but it seems like she got accustomed to her nice lifestyle and forgot or maybe has never experienced the very low income lifestyle. For me Ive experienced both and in between, and I have the ability to adapt. She needs to accept that the end is near *your eviction notice* and forget about her pride and find a job, any job. Theres a point in life where you have to let off ur self conscious issues go and do what you have to do. Personally, id refuse to work at a fast food restaurant... but if it came down to losing my home or flipping burgers..you better believe id be there with a smile working every available shift they had open...and I have a college degree. Its time to suck it up....and she can be mad later while you still have a place to sleep.


----------



## springer (Jan 9, 2015)

We live in Massachusetts so we have MassHealth. Whether she has kept up with her requirements for membership I am unaware. Her dad died from complications due to diabetes and as I'm sure you're all aware being overweight is not a good thing. I believe she is afraid that her GP would advise her to lose weight post haste. So it is not her weight per se but the affect it might have on her possibly getting diabetes that has me concerned.

We both have college degrees, mine is a BA in history from BC, hers in Business Administration. This is my third career as a builder, as times changed I had to go with the flow (who moved my cheese). I studied computer graphics and web design at Clark U. and went to photography school as well. I have been self-employed for nearly all of my adult life. We live within commuting distance of Boston and Providence. She is too damn proud, to call in any of the good will she gained from a stellar career in business. I say you aren't going to find a job on Monster.com, you're only going to find something through connections.


----------



## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

How straight have you been with your W about the situation? Is she as aware as you are about it? 

So as firebelly said, your income and expenses need to match. I'd be selling the stuff in storage for a start. Why pay to store stuff you can't afford? Asking your wife to go through and help with that may jolt her into reality.
And as for that why haven't you looked at some part time or contract work? Or are you both in denial? 
What's happening?

So stop stressing and start DOing.


----------

