# a question about anal



## katem (Jan 9, 2009)

My husband enjoys anal sex but I find it very painful. I want to pleasure him but most of the time I tell him no because it hurts so much for me. If you do it enough does it start to get more comfortable and maybe even pleasurable for the woman?


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Kate read this thread.....Justean seems to be our expert.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/2703-playing-back-door.html


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

If it's done with proper preparation, it shouldn't be painful at all. Do not expect to make it happen all in one night.  And LUBE, LUBE and more LUBE! 

Have an enema beforehand. At least if you feel the urge to expel, there won't be anything there. The enema should be a couple of hours before penetration. 

Have him (or you, whichever way it goes) start just rubbing the finger over the anus. With lube! After it starts to get used to it, then try a little bit of insertion. Eventually, the whole finger will go in. Then slowly, try a second finger. This will approximate the width of a penis (but not the full size yet). Do not try for three fingers at this time. And remember the lube! 

Sometimes you may have to "push" out (as though you were expelling something). Do NOT push hard, just a little bit, this helps to relax the sphincter. 

The rectum does not produce lubrication like the vagina does. Something my GF and I do is take a baby syringe, put about 3-4 CCs of lube in it and squirt it into the rectum. This provides lube from the inside as well as that which is applied outside. 

The key here is to go slow, take it nice and easy. And LOTS of LUBE. Maybe a couple of days a week, use the fingers to get the sphincter used to the idea of penetration. Eventually you will feel relaxed enough to barely have to push. Sometime after that, penile insertion should go much easier. 

Penile entry should be taken slowly. Insert the head (push a little if you need to) and once it's in, stop. Get used to it being there. Then insert another inch or so and stop. Pull out slightly, and push in a bit further. Keep that lube working. Eventually he will be fully inside and his testicles will be bouncing off of you.  

During insertion (and subsequent stroking), YOU are the one in control! If it takes a moment to get used to something, tell him to HOLD STILL. Only proceed when YOU are ready for more. 

From this point, stroke in & out slowly, getting used to the sensation. As you get to handle it better, then the strokes can begin to vary both in depth and speed. Remember the lube! If it gets irritating, add more lube (on the outside; you've already done the inside haven't you?). 

Then, for funsies, tighten your sphincter! That'll send him right over the top!  

The same principles applies when you're doing him (aka pegging) except that you won't be able to feel anything with the dildo that you use. And remember, turn about IS fair play.  

Lastly, get over the "dirty" aspect of it. Yes, it's the body's elimination point and could be a little messy. My GF and I do it over a towel and keep a wash cloth handy. Because of the enema, there's never much to deal with, but sometimes there is a bit. After she wipes with the wash cloth, then she wraps the toys in the towel. Then I jump in the shower. 

And a good time was had by all.


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

there's a difference between lack of pain and enjoy...ummm...for most people. you can do it with little or no pain if properly prepared. only you will know if you're enjoying it at that point.


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> Kate read this thread.....Justean seems to be our expert.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/2703-playing-back-door.html


thanks GAsoccerman. this is probably my favourite sexual pleasure.
just take your time. good foreplay and communication with eachother.
i suggest back to back with eachother to start, and as he rubs himself against you, it wil allow your muscles to relax. get him to give you vaginal foreplay , this increases vaginal stimulation and juice flow. 
i find it as the body opens up, anal penetration does get easier. dont expect miracles or full penetration on a first go, it can take time. but ask for anal foreplay. again not full , as if in teasing mode.
you can both have fun with eachother and get used to your new experience.
what ever you do, please dont rush, allow the muscles to stretch at a sensible pace, or you can cause damage to the anal sphincter. 
dont worry if you feel its a disaster , you just try again later.
but thats the idea os sex, to explore eachother and learn again.
it can still hurt at another time. but for me this pain now, is definately more pleasurable.
we've been doing anal prob for 5 yrs now and our sex life really improved once we started.


----------



## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

I've never enjoyed anal sex on the few occassions I've had it. I think its pretty much a male obsession. I also don't really buy into the theory that you can stretch your bum so it gets to the stage where its just another orifice and you can have anal sex with absolutly no discomfort.

I know there's a load of material on the internet about how anal sex is perfectly okay. Bear in mind however that because anal sex for a long time was associated mainly with homosexual men people were reluctant to raise its negative aspects without appearing to be homophobic. A large minority of gay men don't practice anal sex seemingly they're turning away from it at the same rate the hetrosexual community is embracing it.

My advice if you want to have anal sex is to do it infrequently and to practice relaxing your muscles by yourself, I don't think you should want to get to the stage where a whole erect penis can be shoved up your bum with absoloutly no discomfort.


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

sarah.rslp said:


> I've never enjoyed anal sex on the few occassions I've had it. I think its pretty much a male obsession. I also don't really buy into the theory that you can stretch your bum so it gets to the stage where its just another orifice and you can have anal sex with absolutly no discomfort.
> 
> I know there's a load of material on the internet about how anal sex is perfectly okay. Bear in mind however that because anal sex for a long time was associated mainly with homosexual men people were reluctant to raise its negative aspects without appearing to be homophobic. A large minority of gay men don't practice anal sex seemingly they're turning away from it at the same rate the hetrosexual community is embracing it.
> 
> My advice if you want to have anal sex is to do it infrequently and to practice relaxing your muscles by yourself, I don't think you should want to get to the stage where a whole erect penis can be shoved up your bum with absoloutly no discomfort.


i suspect the "pleasure" you hear about is from recipients who are deep in fantasy-land and are so turned on at the moment that any stimulation would get them off. hence, accepting a penis in the ol' backdoor. admit it guys, it would take a lot of arousal to get you there. so...super-aroused recipient, combined with anal stmulation...could result in erotic pleasure, right?

or, the proximity to the vagina...frictional arousal??? hell, i don't know...


----------



## martino (May 12, 2008)

KateM,

My wife is no fan of anal as well but we do it once in a while, so I asked her what works for her and if she had any advice for you, and she said to: "drink a 6-12 pack of beer first." 

Regards,
Martino


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

we have anal sex frequently and safely. 
we do full penetration and i dont have discomfort on many occasions.
but again this comes down to what you like and want during sex.
everyone has there own experiences and thoughts on almost n e topic .
some like it more than others, some hate it.
i hate hot curries.
but i dont drink 6 - 12 beers and i dont need alot of arousal .
its what you get used to .
my brain knows whats going to happen and it how turned on you are emotionally. doesnt always have to be through stimulation .


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I should have added DCRIM as our other expert...Sorry DC..

my wife doesn't like it so I am out of the loop on this one


----------



## katem (Jan 9, 2009)

I think the reason I really am hesitant to do it is because my husband rushed it in the past and it really hurt me to the point of bleeding. I think he used to do it with one of his old partners because he seems sure that if i give it more of a chance I will like it as much as him. He respects that I don't want to and doesn't ask very often anymore. I think the problem was that we didn't use any lube or get me used to the idea he kind of just jumped the gun and kept going even though I was practically crying. He's not an insensitive guy I just think next time we try it I am definitely going to let him know what pace I am going to allow and get the lube for sure. Thanks for the tips I will read the link too.


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

katem said:


> he seems sure that if i give it more of a chance I will like it as much as him.


typical...we all say that...





katem said:


> he kind of just jumped the gun and kept going even though I was practically crying.


typical...we all do that...


----------



## Junebug (Dec 7, 2008)

I have found it can really depend on the guy... one partner was rather 'well-endowed' and it seemed no amount of preperation could make it not hurt me. Next time a different partner wanted to try it I was hesitant but it turned out he was the perfect size for anal... Now I'm a huge fan. I have always been of fan of back door play but actual penetration was just too painful with the previous partner.


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

Junebug said:


> Now I'm a huge fan..


:iagree:


----------



## stepmomandwife08 (Nov 18, 2008)

Anal sex can be great but you HAVE to relax!!! don't get yourself worked up and worried about it..just go with the flow and use LOTS of KY!! I wasnt an anal fan till a couple of weeks ago..and my hubby has opened alot of sexual doors for me and hes been great so be sure to be open and honest with your hubby and if it hurts your hubby should respect that and you should feel like you "have to do it" good luck!!


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> I should have added DCRIM as our other expert...Sorry DC..


No prob, GA. I just know what I like (with GF!) and we both enjoy it together now (whereas before I was all by myself). 

Sometimes, though, I'll see a post (query) about anal and I try to respond sincerely. Often, however, there will be subsequent posts that make the whole thing seem more negative that it should be. 

The point of my responses is "how to" (if you're interested). Not that this is a "must do" (if you're not interested). 

Bottom line, to each their own. It either works for you and you keep doing a thing; or it doesn't and you no longer do that thing. If anal is "bad", why isn't oral?  Neither opening is designed for procreation...

If it is not an approval solicitation, rather an informational query, I'll continue to respond as best I can. The human body has so many ways of giving pleasure! Both to self and to others.


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

dcrim said:


> Bottom line, to each their own. It either works for you and you keep doing a thing; or it doesn't and you no longer do that thing. .


:iagree:


----------



## ZeekZipt (Jan 24, 2014)

*Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*

This thread seems as close to any I have found here. Need a bit of help from you. I only have one "sort of fetish" and that is that I want my wife to engage in anal sex with me. I'm male, married 26 years and in my early fifties. Four children, we are both healthy and enjoy sex together basically whenever we want.

I guess I should clarify. There is absolutely no gay tendencies at all here but I have been desiring anal with her all our married life. While posting this I can't help but feel like some kind of jerk because I have read these forums and feel that I should be very satisfied with our sex, based on other peoples lack of it sometimes.

I really am asking for some guidance here because I really do desire her totally, but she does not seem to want to get past the mental aspects of it that she feels may be unacceptable.

Our sex is lovely and great, and long drawn out orgasms are always there. We have had anal sex several times, but she is very tense even though it may have been a long while of other love making or foreplay.. "no shes not tired" 

It seems that she associates it with gay men and somehow it prevents her from allowing it to be natural as part of a husband/wife marriage. I'm not gay by any stretch of the imagination and I see it as totally acceptable in the venue of lovemaking with your soul mate.

Based on other conversations here, you may wonder if I'm just out for myself, or if she is frigid, or something like that. It's not that way at all. We are totally a union and we respect and support one another in all ways.

So, this desire I have has been going on and growing over the years and it makes me so depressed sometimes (a lot) because I feel that its natural for a man to want his wife in that way and I feel guilty that I don't feel satisfied otherwise.

Please don't say that she is not satisfied in other ways and that's why she doesn't want it. Its not true. Seriously, she tells me all the time how well I please her and I know its true because a husband of 26 years knows these things. And I'm a serious lover who puts my woman first because I love to please her.

I believe her mental thoughts about us are in alignment with her physical responses during lovemaking so I don't think she is mentally unsatisfied with our love life and therefore would withhold something. 

What can I do? Yes, when we have done it before she has said that it hurt a bit at first but then it did not. I know all about the warm up, the lube, the mood etc. and I don't nag or mention it much anymore.

It really seems to me that she associates it with being dirty or gay or maybe even being controlled in some way. That's what I have determined over many, many years. 

This passion I have sometimes consumes me and I can't focus on other things of importance, like today. How can I talk with her about it without feelings of embarrassment (her or me). I've tried lovingly many times. Is there something I don't know that would be of benefit?

Sorry about the long post. I know not all women love it or even like it. But several years she also thought that having two or more orgasms during lovemaking was impossible. Now its a reality, not every time but often enough.

Please advise me on this.


----------



## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

The Anal Sex Position Guide: The Best Positions for Easy, Exciting, Mind-Blowing Pleasure


Tristan Taormino

Buy this book, it helps a lot!!


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I think this is 50% attitude and 50% technique. If you first can embrace all your parts as being equal, amazing and nothing to be ashamed of. Then add much patience, lubricant and communication. You have what you need for a pleasurable and positive experience with your partner. I have met women who couldn't even speak of the act and I have met women who felt deprived if it wasn't happening on a regular basis. (I tend to favor the later of course....lol)


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I don't know if it is natural for a man to want to have his wife that way (seems rather gross to me) but anyway maybe that is just me.

Do you have a big desire to have something up yours? Being over 50 I had my doctors finger up there and it was not one bit pleasant. 

However the porn women do make it look fun and I do not mind watching them. 

Maybe you actually have a fetish and you are addicted to porn. Maybe you could watch that sort of porn together while she makes you orgasm in other ways and that would help you fullfil this need without her actually having to do that.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

katem said:


> My husband enjoys anal sex but I find it very painful. I want to pleasure him but most of the time I tell him no because it hurts so much for me. If you do it enough does it start to get more comfortable and maybe even pleasurable for the woman?



If you find anal sex very painful, even with lots of lube, TELL HIM, please!!!

Don't have sex that is painful to you, just because you want to please him more.

You can do other things instead of anal. Like, oiled breast, foot, hand jobs, lots of oral sex, numerous positions, you name it and toys galore.

Having anal sex when its very painful, will cause damage to you down the road.

The ladies who seem to love anal sex are porn stars but in real life, its the minority of women.

I too would like to try anal with my wifee, but not if its painful for her.

When trying anal sex, lots of lube and he doesn't stick his entire penis in there to being with. Just the tip, very slowly moving and maybe down the road, more of him in you. But not all at once.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



ZeekZipt said:


> So, this desire I have has been going on and growing over the years and it makes me so depressed sometimes (a lot) because I feel that its natural for a man to want his wife in that way and I feel guilty that I don't feel satisfied otherwise.


I don't understand getting so _depressed _about this. It's just one sex act out of many. Why have you given it so much significance? Maybe instead of trying to find a way to make her do it, you consider why this has become so important to you that your mental health is being affected to the point of depression. Depression is not a natural response to a healthy sex life that simply doesn't include one act.

Most people have some kind of boundary for what they do and don't want to do sexually. You have found your wife's boundary, and anal sex is on the NO side of it. She even tried it a few times for you and decided she didn't like it. It really doesn't matter WHY it is off limits for her. 

Love her and accept her and enjoy the sex you are having. Appreciate the good sex life you have instead of fixating on this one thing you don't, otherwise you are feeding into your depression. Maybe get help from a professional for your depression.

By the way, this is a very old thread. You might want to start a new one since people might only read the first post and reply to that instead of to you.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



norajane said:


> I don't understand getting so _depressed _about this. It's just one sex act out of many. Why have you given it so much significance? Maybe instead of trying to find a way to make her do it, you consider why this has become so important to you that your mental health is being affected to the point of depression. Depression is not a natural response to a healthy sex life that simply doesn't include one act.
> 
> Most people have some kind of boundary for what they do and don't want to do sexually. You have found your wife's boundary, and anal sex is on the NO side of it. She even tried it a few times for you and decided she didn't like it. It really doesn't matter WHY it is off limits for her.
> 
> ...


Good sex is much better than anal anyway. I mean I know the taboo aspect of it appeals to many. Once you've had it enough, you will realize that anal can feel good, but it's a bunch of preperation and cleanup and still things can go very wrong.

The vagina was designed to accomidate the penis during intercourse, the anus not.

Thusly, the texture and musculature and shape of the vagina are much more pleasing...


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



treyvion said:


> Good sex is much better than anal anyway. I mean I know the taboo aspect of it appeals to many. Once you've had it enough, you will realize that anal can feel good, but it's a bunch of preperation and cleanup and still things can go very wrong.
> 
> The vagina was designed to accomidate the penis during intercourse, the anus not.
> 
> Thusly, the texture and musculature and shape of the vagina are much more pleasing...


I think this is a poor comparison. What about the mouth? It wasn't designed to accommodate a penis, and yet it seems to do a fine job in many instances.

My wife and I have anal sex regularly, and her anus does a fine job of accommodating me. It isn't her favorite thing to do, but it is a nice change of pace. I don't think either of us would want it all the time, but going slow, using lots of lube, and being relaxed helps to make it a pleasant experience.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I think this is a poor comparison. What about the mouth? It wasn't designed to accommodate a penis, and yet it seems to do a fine job in many instances.
> 
> QUOTE]
> I think THIS is a poor comparison. The mouth can easily accommodate a penis without possibility of tearing and pain. The mouth does not contain fecal material and the penis can easily be freshened up even as a form of foreplay. Even a shower togther is a form of foreplay. You shower for 30 minutes and you still won't get all the fecal material out of your butt. And lets face it, its not very sexy to stick an enema up your butt as a form of foreplay.
> ...


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



committed4ever said:


> TopsyTurvy5 said:
> 
> 
> > I think this is a poor comparison. What about the mouth? It wasn't designed to accommodate a penis, and yet it seems to do a fine job in many instances.
> ...


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I suggest therapy for you. Read the post by the guy with the question for the ladies about how he tanked his marriage by letting one unfulfilled desire create a mental problem for himself and then ask yourself why you would want to fixate on something this way 

No more porn for you.

Stop feeding this desire.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

How about just telling him that it hurts and that if he loves you then the last thing he would want to do is put you in any kind of pain. 

You don't have to say it to him in a nasty way but let him know that sex is supposed to be a pleasurable thing for both of you. 

You tried it found it to be something that is not what you like and if he loves you then he should understand.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*

"As far as the partner not wanting it, so just move on, would you be willing to "just accept it" and move on if your partner found kissing and snuggling painful?"


Yes, Why would I not either accept it or move on? 
Presumably I can't change the fact that she experiences pain from kissing and snuggling. right?

He has an anal sex fetish and is trying to justify it as normal instead of treating it as it is -a fetish. That is perfectly fine if his wife shares that like but if not than he should not just expect his wife to accommodate him.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> committed4ever said:
> 
> 
> > With lube and preparation the anus can accommodate a penis without tearing. *Heck some vaginas can tear and be caused pain by a penis if they are not properly warmed up*.
> ...


----------



## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

er.. not to sound crude, even though the OP posted this in 2009:

- is your husband more endowed?
- do you use adequate lube?
- do you have piles, or any other condition that can cause pain in that regard?
- do you prepare beforehand, by using fingers or a dildo?

I know these are crude and personal questions, but then with anal sex it's key to get the anus and rectum accustomed to penetration beforehand. It's not like a vagina in which one's ready to go once turned on.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

ca-nami said:


> er.. not to sound crude, even though the OP posted this in 2009:
> 
> - is your husband more endowed?
> - do you use adequate lube?
> ...


Actually it's post #18, posted a few days ago, that people are responding to. Someone tried to get him to start his own thread, not sure if he did it or not.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I think this is a poor comparison. What about the mouth? It wasn't designed to accommodate a penis, and yet it seems to do a fine job in many instances.
> 
> My wife and I have anal sex regularly, and her anus does a fine job of accommodating me. It isn't her favorite thing to do, but it is a nice change of pace. I don't think either of us would want it all the time, but going slow, using lots of lube, and being relaxed helps to make it a pleasant experience.


Your only defending your right to have anal intercourse...

You didn't hear what I was saying. The internal construction and TEXTURE of the vagina is much more pleasing than an anus.

With the anus most of the pressure comes from the spincter and when you are in side it's not really a desireable feel.

Yes, it's something different to do and can be pleasing.

I wouldn't over do it, because a well toned vagina, with a good texture is so much better.

Plus it feels good to soak in vaginal juices.


----------



## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



ZeekZipt said:


> This thread seems as close to any I have found here. Need a bit of help from you. I only have one "sort of fetish" and that is that I want my wife to engage in anal sex with me. I'm male, married 26 years and in my early fifties. Four children, we are both healthy and enjoy sex together basically whenever we want.
> 
> I guess I should clarify. There is absolutely no gay tendencies at all here but I have been desiring anal with her all our married life. While posting this I can't help but feel like some kind of jerk because I have read these forums and feel that I should be very satisfied with our sex, based on other peoples lack of it sometimes.
> 
> ...


She's entitled to her views, but to say only gays have anal sex is outdated. it's not exclusively gay or straight. 

That said, she is entitled to her own sexual likes/dislikes, so simply raise the issue with more tact.

It's probably also the case she has very conservative sexual likes. If so, it's probably not right to change how she feels.


----------



## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



treyvion said:


> Good sex is much better than anal anyway. I mean I know the taboo aspect of it appeals to many. Once you've had it enough, you will realize that anal can feel good, but it's a bunch of preperation and cleanup and still things can go very wrong.
> 
> The vagina was designed to accomidate the penis during intercourse, the anus not.
> 
> Thusly, the texture and musculature and shape of the vagina are much more pleasing...


hmmm.. Your subjective applies to all? If anything may say they like anal because it's a different sensation.

Vaginal sex is not less complicated. A man with a large penis may cause pain to given women, even if the women are vaginally healthy and can produce enough natural lubricant. It's not as black and white as you think.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



ca-nami said:


> hmmm.. Your subjective applies to all? If anything may say they like anal because it's a different sensation.
> 
> Vaginal sex is not less complicated. A man with a large penis may cause pain to given women, even if the women are vaginally healthy and can produce enough natural lubricant. It's not as black and white as you think.


They might not have had "good pu$$y"... The texture is like royal velvets. It grips you, responds to you, provides tension along the entire shaft. The juices and pheremones cause your body to generate sexual pheremones.

I think anal can be a good diversion, but I've had good pu$$y, and it blows anal out of the water. Plus anal is a bunch of hassle. 

If I had the choice, I may bring it in one or twice a month, with regular sex outside of it. If she just could not do it, I would be OK with that.


----------



## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



treyvion said:


> They might not have had "good pu$$y"... The texture is like royal velvets. It grips you, responds to you, provides tension along the entire shaft. The juices and pheremones cause your body to generate sexual pheremones.
> 
> I think anal can be a good diversion, but I've had good pu$$y, and it blows anal out of the water. Plus anal is a bunch of hassle.
> 
> If I had the choice, I may bring it in one or twice a month, with regular sex outside of it. If she just could not do it, I would be OK with that.


pardon me? lol.

you're making some blanket statement and believing all others must and do agree. All I'm saying is that even if a woman is vaginally healthy, some positions and frankly members are not compatible.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



ca-nami said:


> pardon me? lol.
> 
> you're making some blanket statement and believing all others must and do agree. All I'm saying is that even if a woman is vaginally healthy, some positions and frankly members are not compatible.


YES. I AGREE.

Some guys are simply too large to provide pain free intercourse with a female. Some guys are girthy enough that they will not even penetrate.

For pleasure, there are some too large and some too small to provide proper stimulation.


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

V


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



ca-nami said:


> pardon me? lol.
> 
> you're making some blanket statement and believing all others must and do agree. All I'm saying is that even if a woman is vaginally healthy, some positions and frankly members are not compatible.


If people aren't wise enough to realize there are different types of "pu$$y" and they have different internals, different textures, different musculatures, different capacities, then they can't talk to me about it.

Oh... Let me guess they can't distinguish other than comparitive tightness and anal is the holy grail because it's taboo.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



usmarriedguy said:


> "As far as the partner not wanting it, so just move on, would you be willing to "just accept it" and move on if your partner found kissing and snuggling painful?"
> 
> 
> Yes, Why would I not either accept it or move on?
> ...



Fair enough. So at what point do you stand up and say, "What about my needs/desires/wants." 

If they say that sex is painful as well, you would cool with that too? I just don't think it is a black and white, one dimensional issue.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



committed4ever said:


> TopsyTurvy5 said:
> 
> 
> > I think this is a poor comparison. What about the mouth? It wasn't designed to accommodate a penis, and yet it seems to do a fine job in many instances.
> ...


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



treyvion said:


> Your only defending your right to have anal intercourse...
> 
> You didn't hear what I was saying. The internal construction and TEXTURE of the vagina is much more pleasing than an anus.
> 
> ...


I heard what you were saying, I just think you are wrong. "Much more pleasing..." is your opinion. And I'm not a fan of a soaking wet, sloppy vagina.

As for the feeling, I would say each anus and each vagina has felt slightly different, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



committed4ever said:


> TopsyTurvy5 said:
> 
> 
> > Call it what it is, like someone said in an earlier post. IT'S NOT THE NORM, AND THE PERCENTAGE OF WOMEN WHO LIKE IT IS VERY LOW. For those who do, fine for those who don't, fine. But a woman should not be made to feel that she is denying her partner a normal sex life if she doesn't want anal.
> ...


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> And I'm not a fan of a soaking wet, sloppy vagina.


Ohhhh ... this explains everything. Well hopefully your wife is down with your work-around.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> committed4ever said:
> 
> 
> > Absolutely fine. The percentage of men who want to listen to their wife ramble inanely is probably very low, and yet..most men do.
> ...


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I heard what you were saying, I just think you are wrong. "Much more pleasing..." is your opinion. And I'm not a fan of a soaking wet, sloppy vagina.
> 
> As for the feeling, I would say each anus and each vagina has felt slightly different, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that.


Not going to make this a pissing match. The same vagina can have different levels of lubrication. Also the viscosity of vaginal juices is better for sex.

Your not going to argue to me that the anus is the optimal sexual orifice over one that was designed to be it.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> I heard what you were saying, I just think you are wrong. "Much more pleasing..." is your opinion. And I'm not a fan of a soaking wet, sloppy vagina.
> 
> As for the feeling, I would say each anus and each vagina has felt slightly different, so I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that.


You really want your anal over vaginal...

If over lubrication is the issue, have a rag handy during sex. Pull yourself out and wipe the shaft completely dry and re insert. You may do this several times and it will cut down on the over lubing.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



committed4ever said:


> Ohhhh ... this explains everything. Well hopefully your wife is down with your work-around.


It was not directed toward any comment you made, but rather the other person's comment about soaking in vaginal juices, and how that is much better than anything related to anal. (I'm paraphrasing.)


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



treyvion said:


> You really want your anal over vaginal...
> 
> If over lubrication is the issue, have a rag handy during sex. Pull yourself out and wipe the shaft completely dry and re insert. You may do this several times and it will cut down on the over lubing.


I actually like vaginal over anal, but I was commenting on your black and white view on this issue.


----------



## TopsyTurvy5 (Nov 16, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



committed4ever said:


> TopsyTurvy5 said:
> 
> 
> > Well you got a point there. My H has a very skillful way of handling my tendency to talk too much. Thankfully it doesn't involve me taking one for the team.
> ...


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

What if your lady tried anal. It hurt the first time, but after several minutes, it just felt like being violated a bit, no pleasure.

What if she tried it several more times, and there is no pleasure, discomfort if you hit it from the wrong way, but just no pleasure for her and she feels dirty and violated.

If after several times she said she didn't want to do it anymore, would you be ok with that?


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

*Re: Help - New here and can't tell where to post this*



TopsyTurvy5 said:


> Fair enough. So at what point do you stand up and say, "What about my needs/desires/wants."
> 
> If they say that sex is painful as well, you would cool with that too? I just don't think it is a black and white, one dimensional issue.


Nope, if my wife had that much problems I would not have married her in the first place. 

You do not just pick any woman and say: OK now that we are a couple you have to be down with anything I want no matter how unusual.


----------



## Sudra (Oct 16, 2013)

Why would anyone want to do something to his/her loved one that was physically painful? It would seem like any excitement over the act would be killed by knowing you were causing him/her pain. Who cares what the act is...


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Sudra said:


> Why would anyone want to do something to his/her loved one that was physically painful? It would seem like any excitement over the act would be killed by knowing you were causing him/her pain. Who cares what the act is...


What if it was going to be somewhat painful the first 2-3 times. But not so bad after insertion and as long there wasn't aggressive thrusting.

After that the discomfort upon insertion would not be great and a different but pleasureable feeling? Kinda like a virgin, you know it's not going to feel good to them the first couple of times, but after that it will.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

treyvion said:


> What if it was going to be somewhat painful the first 2-3 times. But not so bad after insertion and as long there wasn't aggressive thrusting.
> 
> After that the discomfort upon insertion would not be great and a different but pleasureable feeling? Kinda like a virgin, you know it's not going to feel good to them the first couple of times, but after that it will.


I would say you would have a hard time convincing a man to take a dildo up his butt using this logic...

In the OP's case, she had tried it a few times for her H. So, experiment over and she didn't find it "different but pleasurable."


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

norajane said:


> I would say you would have a hard time convincing a man to take a dildo up his butt using this logic...
> 
> In the OP's case, she had tried it a few times for her H. So, experiment over and she didn't find it "different but pleasurable."


I think if she tried it 3-5 times and it just made her feel degraded than you scrap it.

I mean most men wouldn't want to be pegged, but if they had to get pegged in order to allow their wife to allow them to stick them, some may go along with it.


----------



## 312cpl (Jan 27, 2014)

before we had marriage issues, my wife and I had a very healthy sex life. It was my wife who suggested we explore anal sex. Little did I know it was my ass that she wanted explored! We started out with one finger and moved our way up using larger and larger dildos with her strap-on. If done correctly, slow and lots of lube, I never had any pain at all. Some very minor discomfort, but no pain. We finally settled with a particular dildo that was comfortable to me. Once you locate the prostate, you will experience the greatest orgasm a man will experience. What worked for us is using a rubber red bag type enema three times in the shower. That would leave me clean and ready. Once clean, you will be a lot less self conscious and be able to concentrate on the pleasures she is pounding onto you. I'll leave the other details for another day.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

312cpl said:


> before we had marriage issues, my wife and I had a very healthy sex life. It was my wife who suggested we explore anal sex. Little did I know it was my ass that she wanted explored! We started out with one finger and moved our way up using larger and larger dildos with her strap-on. If done correctly, slow and lots of lube, I never had any pain at all. Some very minor discomfort, but no pain. We finally settled with a particular dildo that was comfortable to me. Once you locate the prostate, you will experience the greatest orgasm a man will experience. What worked for us is using a rubber red bag type enema three times in the shower. That would leave me clean and ready. Once clean, you will be a lot less self conscious and be able to concentrate on the pleasures she is pounding onto you. I'll leave the other details for another day.


No way I'll be getting pounded definately if she isn't getting pounded.


----------



## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

katem said:


> My husband enjoys anal sex but I find it very painful. I want to pleasure him but most of the time I tell him no because it hurts so much for me. If you do it enough does it start to get more comfortable and maybe even pleasurable for the woman?


There is a lot out there to read so I'm not going to repeat much of it. I have read many stories from ladies who say this same thing you did where it hurts, even the first few times, but gets amazingly better. So much so the women actually prefer it that way now.

My own wife brought it up in our marriage and wanted to do it. I had been playing with her back there for years. Out of the few times we've done it a couple have been amazing for her, a couple painful we had to stop and a few where it was so-so for her. The most recent time she was screaming with pleasure as I was at the entrance but as I started to push farther in she said it hurt and stopped it. That was quiet a while ago and we haven't since and I'm not sure either of us want to again.

From what I have read preparation is a big key to enjoying AS. Playing back there yourself or with a plug can help get your body used to enjoying it. Also the position can be a huge factor and everyone's body isn't built the same. Try, go slow, get a glass of wine, have him use fingers and generous lube back there while doing oral. The O for you will help relax there even more. 

It is just muscles that are designed to be clamped shut most of the time. If you can train your body to learn to relax them at will then it should get better. Good luck.


----------

