# Divorce talk did not go well at all



## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

I know that many people say to not tell your spouse that you're ready for divorce, but I can't be that sneaky. I love my H and I am not a sneaky person by nature....so I felt I needed to talk with him about divorcing in a fair and kind fashion.

I explained to him that I've been unhappy for a long time, as I'm sure he has been too...and that I simply want to be happy. I said that the only way I can see that we can both be happy is to live separately...and that I think we should divorce. 

H did not want to hear anything. He turned it into a screamfest of him telling me how worthless I am, and how I'm dramatic and he's sick of it. And he said yesterday(per my previous post) was my fault and I caused it all and did it all. I didn't argue or fight with him...simply said I'm sorry he feels that way about me. 
He said he has been looking at motorcycles and wants to buy one and some stuff to get in shape with. I said, do whatever you want that will bring you happiness. So he tore into me more and more trying to goad me into a fight. He said that he's keeping "everything" and that I can take what stuff I brought into the marriage. I said, that's not being fair since he made me get rid of most of my furniture when we moved in together...and technically when I bought this house it included the contents(i.e. stove and refrigerator). So he said he gets half my suv and went on a tangent about what he gets...

I said that it hurts me deeply that instead of talking about how our marriage has been failing and maybe him wanting to fix it, he's more worried about what he's going to "get" out of the divorce. I said, I loved him and didn't want to divorce him, but I don't intend to spend my life being blamed for everything and verbally bashed for no reason.

So, I went upstairs and he sat downstairs watching his most beloved hockey. I didn't cry in front of him like I normally do...I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. He loves to be mean until I cry, then he stops because he thinks he's won...All it does is make me resent him and make me more sure I want a divorce. But even though I didn't cry last night, my heart was still broken. 

I wanted him to say, I'm sorry you feel this way--lets work together to fix our marriage.... But no... Since he got a job, all he does is act arrogant, bossy, and controlling and does everything in his power to make me feel bad. I really do still love him and really do want my marriage to work, but I can't do it alone--and it seems he doesn't want to do his part.

I'm really sad now  I guess he really doesn't care...


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## voryn (Jun 13, 2011)

I'd say you've done all you can do at this point. It's time for you to move on. Make plans and go get your happiness back. Confronting him and talking about the D was extremely brave and you should feel proud you had the courage to follow through with it. 

I'm at that threshold myself with my BPD wife and I know once i step out the door it's going to be hell, or at least i expect it will. Maybe i'll be surprised and she will have a moment of levity and clarity and realize that our relationship may have run it's course...I don't know...im a big chicken and fear for what she will do or how she will respond...in the past on her worst days she'd threaten suicide to get her way so its not beyond her to threaten it. And that would be horrible I may not be in love with my W anymore but I certainly do not want her to be hurt.

anyway...
As far as stuff goes...it's just stuff you can always buy more furniture or cars yada yada just take what you can and what you need to get started, your emotional well being will be worth it 10 fold I think.


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