# Conversations



## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

How does one keep conversations fresh with their partners? What do your daily conversations look like? We often don't talk much aside from news, kids, things like that. I mostly just wonder what others do when conversations get stale or they just aren't happening. 

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## DaveinOC (Oct 15, 2017)

our conversation is usually me listening to her talk about her work, coworkers, coworkers' family, coworkers' bf/gf, manager, policy changes. I've mastered hearing everything she says while I m engaged in computer games or watching stuff on my phone. Once in awhile, she stops her 10 minute yap and suddenly ask me what she just said and i repeat after her word by word and shes like ok fine you get to live. 

Jokes aside, I think the repeated topics are just work, kids, finances and weekend planning. Our hobbies don't really align so I choose not to talk about what I like.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

May W is usually very talkative when I arrive home. Usually some family drama of sorts or something that happened during the day. I sit at the kitchen island with a beer and listen away. Occasionally there is a lull in the talking, but we are ok with quiet time together. Other topics of conversation are upcoming weekend events we have scheduled, TV programs that are coming on that night(we watch a lot of series together) and or simply talking sex talk.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

DaveinOC said:


> our conversation is usually me listening to her talk about her work, coworkers, coworkers' family, coworkers' bf/gf, manager, policy changes. I've mastered hearing everything she says while I m engaged in computer games or watching stuff on my phone. Once in awhile, she stops her 10 minute yap and suddenly ask me what she just said and i repeat after her word by word and shes like ok fine you get to live.
> 
> Jokes aside, I think the repeated topics are just work, kids, finances and weekend planning. Our hobbies don't really align so *I choose not to talk about what I like.*


Your last words rang a bell, it reminded me of The Big Bopper's words.
"You know what I like!"


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

It is usually catch up on each other’s day and news, Kids, family matters, etc
Keep it fresh by doing lots of things together and watching movies or shows together. Go out on dates a lot and do things the other wants to do.


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## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the responses. Makes me feel not so abnormal. My husband stays at home with our child. I work in an office. When I come home from work. He will ask about my day but I often don't have much to say. I sit alone in an office and have no coworkers. Most of my interactions are limited to emails and phone calls. He tells me what he did with our daughter all day or what projects he got accomplished.

Our basic interests don't match up as he is very into technology, politics, and oddities. I appreciate that he wants to talk to me about them but it is often so boring that it can be hard to fully appreciate what he is talking about. And I personally don't have anything much to talk about.

Still, it is really interesting to hear what others do. 

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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

We do new things together a lot, and usually that keeps it fresh. She likes brunch, so we try a new place at least once a month. She likes to get her nails done, I went with her and got a pedicure for the first time and a manicure with her. I might do that again as it was fun and relaxing. She has gone with me to the golf course lots of times, she drinks wine while I am sewinging the clubs but we are together and having fun. I think doing new things and doing the things that the other person likes together keeps it fresh which keeps new conversations coming.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Limit the conversations. I spend most of my time in my man cave and then eat and watch TV with my wife from 5:30pm to 10pm. Too much together time is no good. Not much time to talk while watching TV so we talk during dinner most times. I am retired so there is little that we have not seen, heard or experienced together. I like philosophical or technical discussions while my wife just likes to talk about gossip or TV celebrities. We have very little in common other than love, but that has been enough to give us a very happy 45 years of marriage. My wife and I have always had our own friends to talk to and we do not view ourselves as half of a couple. We have our own interests and pursue them with others if need be. My wife moved in her best friend to provide me with the intellectual stimulation I need and provide my wife with someone who thinks more emotionally than logical. Plus we both loved her since we were young. So we find others to provide what we cannot provide for each other and manage to keep each other and our marriage above all else. Right now there is just the two of us and we each have our own friends who we can talk to and see a few nights a week.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I bring my wife coffee in bed most mornings and we talk about what we are going to be doing during the day as she wakes up. 

After work, we talk a little as we both work on dinner, she doing the main part of the meal, my opening a bottle of wine, making a salad, chopping veggies or stirring things she is cooking. Then at dinner we "talk." Mostly about the day and work, but also about social or family events that will be happening in the near future. Every once in a while it will be about financial things, like maybe we should start looking at end of year tax stuff or maybe we should rebalance our investment portfolio. Also every once in a while it will be a "health of the marriage" discussion. I might ask if there is something bothering her or if she is under some stress I don't know about, as (for example) we haven't been having sex as much as we usually do or have agreed to. Those are difficult conversations, but important ones so things don't get too far out of alignment. We also discuss "dreams of things we want to do." 

For example, dinner conversation might include that there is a travel agent discussion coming up in a couple weeks about who wonderful it is to vacation in southern Spain or northern Italy. Is that something we should sign up for? Where do we want our next major vacation to be? Do we want to take a cruise, or do a rental car trip? Do we want to use the train or some other form of public transportation? Any famous sights to see on each others bucket list in the area? Dreams about doing fun things together.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

We talk a lot > often staying up late chatting about life.

Kids, work, what projects we are doing or planning, travel, lots of current affairs issues, sport, family etc.

We spend hours every week discussing life in general.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

It doesn't matter.

We keep the chemistry level high. Constant flirting and sex often.

We could be talking about anything and it would not matter because we are talking with each other.

When you feel healthy and sexy with each other, the test is just details.

I have a genius level I.Q.(not as rare as you might think among us caveman) and Mrs. C is interested in a lot of subjects that would bore me to death coming from anyone else but she ignites my fires so it is honey from her lips to my ears.


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## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> It doesn't matter.
> 
> We keep the chemistry level high. Constant flirting and sex often.
> 
> ...


I really like this response. Things use to be more in line with this for us. I don't ever think there was a time where we really had overlapping major interests. He is into much more logic based concepts and I like things that leave more room for debate and self reflection. But when I think back... Things didn't seem as boring then. Now when we do talk he does most of the talking and I do listen but don't engage much and often anything I would want to talk about I often don't bring up.

Anyway, thank you for your response. I think the sentiment is lovely. 

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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

We seldom talk. If I want an appreciative engaged audience, I go out to the back pasture and talk to the horses.


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## flowersandsun (Sep 23, 2017)

My husband and i have lots in common to talk about which i am grateful for...mostly it's the kids and their activities, family stuff, music we both like, movies we just saw, upcoming trips or events, new recipes, cafes or restaurants we'd like to try, NHL hockey, finances or the dreaded relationship talks but those are getting easier now as he's more open to that as a necessity in a healthy marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

We are together most of the time now that we are older, and my husband works from home part time. 

We talk about family, (we have 5 adult children between us), friends, church stuff, our faith, our marriage, the govt in our country, the news, what we have seen on tv, animals, (I adore animals), his work. If we go out we chat about the place we are visiting and of course holidays.
Never seem to run out of stuff, but its also nice sometimes to just be quiet together.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

BAN919 said:


> How does one keep conversations fresh with their partners? What do your daily conversations look like? We often don't talk much aside from news, kids, things like that. I mostly just wonder what others do when conversations get stale or they just aren't happening.


 Years ago, when my wife and I started date night we had the same issue of only talking about "news, kids, and things like that", so we did a reset and on date nights we treat each other like we are not married. On date night she no longer dresses like a soccer mom and instead dresses like her single friends when they go out. In fact she asked me to shop with her for date night outfits, and man is she sexy in those outfits. I bring flowers, hold open the door for her, pull her chair out, and do not discuss prices on food and drinks with her. During the week we both make an effort to think up interesting and fun things to discuss on date night; I learn new jokes to tell her that I know that she will like because I love when I can get her to laugh. We also sit at the bar so that we are part of the action, and go to places that play music so that we can dance (we had not danced in years). On many occasions, people tell us that they did not know that we were married because we do not "act like a married couple". 

One side thing is that I park the car after I drop her off so that she does have to walk far in her high heels, and when she gets us seats at the bar before I get there, she often gets hit on by other men which pumps up her ego; then when I sit down beside her, she makes a point of focusing on me, letting everyone know that I am her man which makes me feel good too.


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## BAN919 (Nov 20, 2017)

TRy said:


> Years ago, when my wife and I started date night we had the same issue of only talking about "news, kids, and things like that", so we did a reset and on date nights we treat each other like we are not married. On date night she no longer dresses like a soccer mom and instead dresses like her single friends when they go out. In fact she asked me to shop with her for date night outfits, and man is she sexy in those outfits. I bring flowers, hold open the door for her, pull her chair out, and do not discuss prices on food and drinks with her. During the week we both make an effort to think up interesting and fun things to discuss on date night; I learn new jokes to tell her that I know that she will like because I love when I can get her to laugh. We also sit at the bar so that we are part of the action, and go to places that play music so that we can dance (we had not danced in years). On many occasions, people tell us that they did not know that we were married because we do not "act like a married couple".
> 
> One side thing is that I park the car after I drop her off so that she does have to walk far in her high heels, and when she gets us seats at the bar before I get there, she often gets hit on by other men which pumps up her ego; then when I sit down beside her, she makes a point of focusing on me, letting everyone know that I am her man which makes me feel good too.


I think that it is really great that you guys were able to reset and it works well. It's a great way to get going and bring life back into that aspect of your relationship.

I think some of our "issues" is we don't have friends on our own or as a couple. We also don't really participate in our individual hobbies and interests.
We kind of engulfed each other in that sense. Our personal hobbies are/were also pretty solitary activities as well. Things like reading, writing short stories, and painting for me. He liked being outdoors and active, reading about hard sciences, and active learning about technology. Hmm.

Thank you for your responses and all the perspectives. It is really interesting. 

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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

TRy said:


> Years ago, when my wife and I started date night we had the same issue of only talking about "news, kids, and things like that", so we did a reset and on date nights we treat each other like we are not married. On date night she no longer dresses like a soccer mom and instead dresses like her single friends when they go out. In fact she asked me to shop with her for date night outfits, and man is she sexy in those outfits. I bring flowers, hold open the door for her, pull her chair out, and do not discuss prices on food and drinks with her. During the week we both make an effort to think up interesting and fun things to discuss on date night; I learn new jokes to tell her that I know that she will like because I love when I can get her to laugh. We also sit at the bar so that we are part of the action, and go to places that play music so that we can dance (we had not danced in years). On many occasions, people tell us that they did not know that we were married because we do not "act like a married couple".
> 
> One side thing is that I park the car after I drop her off so that she does have to walk far in her high heels, and when she gets us seats at the bar before I get there, she often gets hit on by other men which pumps up her ego; then when I sit down beside her, she makes a point of focusing on me, letting everyone know that I am her man which makes me feel good too.


This is very cool!!!


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

We both have jobs that are sometimes interesting and funny so we both debrief each other each day when we get home. My boyfriend is huge into politics. Me, not so much. He talks a lot about it and I listen with great attention because then I won't sound like an idiot when my friends are talking about it. LOL. we have the same interests in TV shows, movies, and especially music. We talk a lot about that as well. 

Where we diverge is he is a huge poker and baseball fanatic. I am a huge lover of fashion and pop culture. When he drones on and on about poker or baseball, I sit there attentively and listen even though I have no idea what he is talking about and I am bored out of my skull. I'm sure he does the same for me when I blather on about my inane musings. But that's what a good relationship is all about. Sometimes you have to fake it. And I am perfectly okay with that.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

TRy said:


> Years ago, when my wife and I started date night we had the same issue of only talking about "news, kids, and things like that", so we did a reset and on date nights we treat each other like we are not married. On date night she no longer dresses like a soccer mom and instead dresses like her single friends when they go out. In fact she asked me to shop with her for date night outfits, and man is she sexy in those outfits. I bring flowers, hold open the door for her, pull her chair out, and do not discuss prices on food and drinks with her. During the week we both make an effort to think up interesting and fun things to discuss on date night; I learn new jokes to tell her that I know that she will like because I love when I can get her to laugh. We also sit at the bar so that we are part of the action, and go to places that play music so that we can dance (we had not danced in years). On many occasions, people tell us that they did not know that we were married because we do not "act like a married couple".
> 
> *One side thing is that I park the car after I drop her off so that she does have to walk far in her high heels, *and when she gets us seats at the bar before I get there, she often gets hit on by other men which pumps up her ego; then when I sit down beside her, she makes a point of focusing on me, letting everyone know that I am her man which makes me feel good too.


I love this, MrH does it for me and it is the sign of a Gentleman. My dad used to do this when we were kids so we didn't have to walk so far in the heat or rain and he is one of the world's great men.

A lovely post, all the best to you.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

My W comments on random topics that pertain to her all day TV viewing but doesn't fill me in on the people or details so I often have no idea what she is talking about. sometimes I ask a question but she doesn't give me enough of an answer for me to know what she was trying to thinking about. she also mispronounces words and I have trouble hearing over the loud TV volume. It is frustrating to get 25% of someone's conversation so after 20 years of this I try to think it is OK for me knot to know what she is saying. For me, what she talks about doesn't interest me because it is old rehashed TV news that had been talked to death over several years.

She also talks about what she looked at on the internet (shopping for things she wants to buy=retail therapy) and I am a saver vers her being a spender. Then I get to hear about what her pets did all day.

My w doesn't understand much in my technical world and shows some boredom it I talk about what interests me so I try to keep my conversations short. Often when I talk about something, she criticizes my actions or opinions.

For me, scientific and hop people handle everyday experiences is more interesting than the political opinions and Monday morning quarterbacking done on many so called news programs so I all but quit watching TV. The TV is her life so she controls the remote. I have educational Youtube and other factual information coming in over the Internet. I basically run the physical events of the home such as cooking, grocery shapping, bill paying, maintenance inside and outside the home-including our cars so my life is based on reality had her is based on what she sees on TV. Not a good match. She rarely leaves home and when she does it is a short trip or ends up being a quick trip back home because she needs to for various reasons.

As you can guess, not much goes on between us, including separate bedrooms.


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## Windblownhair (Nov 23, 2017)

We both like learning new things, with interests that overlap about half the time, and the other half of the time are completely different. It’s fun to compare notes, see what the other person is pursuing at that moment. 


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## WildMustang (Nov 7, 2017)

23cm said:


> We seldom talk. If I want an appreciative engaged audience, I go out to the back pasture and talk to the horses.


This is GOLD!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I still enjoy flirting with my husband... we banter.. we always share our day....anything "juicy"... funny, if we ran into an old friend, we share that...things that upset us / bad day at work / co worker mishaps...we air it out.... we are there for each other... 

We yak about politics, what is making headlines (example: Trumps outrageous tweets of the day).... we Watch the news together.... we watch movies together, documentaries, etc ... I often engage him in what "he would have done- in that situation"... he is not one to ask me a lot of questions like that... but appreciates that I show the interest in him... sharing like that starts many conversations in itself... it's intimate.. we are always learning of each other... 

We reminisce sometimes....those "remember when" moments ....we can be very romantic, tender with each other....then sometimes we will have a fight even....but it never lasts long and we're back in each others arms... we do spend most of our free time together.. that's what we both enjoy.. 

We speak about what projects need done to keep our family / household running smoothly, helping each other...we "brain storm" together on future projects... I plan our vacations.. I always inquire what he would enjoy...wanting to make it good for him too.. 

Then we have the kids & what they are doing... they add plenty of flavor in the household.. and open many conversations to jump into... 

I did a thread on communication yrs ago here... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ng-intimacy-insight-open-ended-questions.html


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

she talks all the time

she usually repeats stories that she's told me dozens of times


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

We usually call one another on the drive home to catch up about our day. The type of conversation about work has changed/evolved for us. I'm more content, deal with scenarios as they happen more effectively and generally feel better equipped than I used to be. What I share now might be around observations of the industry, my personal direction, but more often than not, I share what piqued my interest during the day -- or some goofy moment that I cherished. He shares his insights of what he sees around him; what's congruent, what's not. I learn a lot about him this way. Sometimes he'll ask my advise, consider opportunities, talk things through together. By the time we're home, we usually aren't talking about the day.

He's well-read, listens to a variety of podcasts, he's a volunteer, and is curious about people and their stories. He's open and engaging. Interesting conversation comes about this way. He readily shares about books he's reading or things he learns and experiences volunteering. I've started playing piano again after many years. We talk about music, we share music with one another. We ask, we talk, we listen. I joined a small fitness group and have been a fairly quiet, reserved member. I find their (non-fitness) conversations interesting and love to listen; such as how they helped reintroduce hens back into the coop following a fox attack. 'Country' conversations of which I contribute nothing yet am fascinated by everything. I'll often return home and want to share with him. At times he's less interested in the topic and more interested in why that topic is of interest to me. That sparks different conversation unto itself. Other times we might talk about projects we're working on together, along with typical daily life-stuff. Watching tv together can also bring about conversation. 

While there's a whole lot of blah blah blah going on in the bat-cave, there's still room for just being quiet together too. For us, having separate interests as well as things together brings out the best in us - individually and as a couple.


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