# Is this a red flag or is this just my paranoia?



## Mr Anderson (Apr 14, 2020)

Hello everyone, I hate that I'm having to post on here. But I'm thankful for this site, cause its helped me out alot. 
Okay, so I need to know is this something that really needs to be looked at or am I just tripping. You know when you're on messenger and it shows when you're active and shows how long you've been offline. Well for the last month I've noticed my wife's offline status matches up with a guy she dated in high school. She'll text me by sms with, I love you. Then I'll hop on messenger and see they're both online and when they get offline it'll say they both been offline for 4 mins. Or he's been off for 4 mins and shes been off 6 mins. 
This happens every single day. Around lunch times and between 4 and 5 and between 10 and 11pm. I've tried and match up other random people that's online. To see if their times match when they get offline and it don't. 
The other day I was trying to get in touch with her while she was at work and couldn't for 30 mins. I did notice that they had both been offline for 37 mins and 39 mins. And when she finally got back in touch with me via messenger, I noticed he was active as well and they got back off at the same time. 
Is this something that would concern any of you? Or am I overreacting?
We have been married for 24 years and was married at a early age.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

It is not just your paranoia. Act quickly. Trust your gut. By confronting her with the hard evidence you have. If the guy lives nearby, pay him a visit. Tell him that she is YOUR wife and the morally-upright thing he can do is to let her alone. If the guy is married, contact his wife and present the evidence.

Take the advice of Barney Fife...."...nip it in the bud....".


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Yes, it's a red flag. You need to figure out what is going on before you confront her.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Mr Anderson said:


> Hello everyone, I hate that I'm having to post on here. But I'm thankful for this site, cause its helped me out alot.
> Okay, so I need to know is this something that really needs to be looked at or am I just tripping. You know when you're on messenger and it shows when you're active and shows how long you've been offline. Well for the last month I've noticed my wife's offline status matches up with a guy she dated in high school. She'll text me by sms with, I love you. Then I'll hop on messenger and see they're both online and when they get offline it'll say they both been offline for 4 mins. Or he's been off for 4 mins and shes been off 6 mins.
> This happens every single day. Around lunch times and between 4 and 5 and between 10 and 11pm. I've tried and match up other random people that's online. To see if their times match when they get offline and it don't.
> The other day I was trying to get in touch with her while she was at work and couldn't for 30 mins. I did notice that they had both been offline for 37 mins and 39 mins. And when she finally got back in touch with me via messenger, I noticed he was active as well and they got back off at the same time.
> ...


Look, it is pretty suspicious. But it is not conclusive, it just mean you need to look into it.

So here is the deal, you need to keep your mouth shut. You need to go into detective mode.

There is a standard evidence post on TAM that you should look at. Next, you need to look at your phone records and see who she is calling a lot. 

Next, can you get a look at her phone? Or do you not have access. If you don't, that is a bad idea in a marriage, that was a big mistake. 

If you can access the phone, look at messenger. Are there ANY messages to him? Do you know for sure that has messaged him? If they should be there and are not, you most likely have a problem. 

In the end the best way to tell what is going on is have a PI follow her. 

There is a bunch more to go over, BUT KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, until and if you get proof... 

Cheaters will almost never admit the truth about cheating.


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