# I dont think he will ever change.



## RachelLaura (Dec 15, 2009)

My husband and I have been married 2 years, together for 5. At the beginning of our relationship, things were so fun and I was so head over heels for him. Things totally changed when we moved in together and I saw his demons. He is really short tempered, impatient and anxious. He is a huge slob and I do all the housework, yet he nitpicks everything I do around the house. And often yells at me about this stuff.

When I began seeing this side of him, I was really upset. I didnt necessarily think he could change, but I thought since I loved him so much, I could somehow deal with it. We got married and the problems obviously did not go away. Each little nitpick made things worse and I kept bottling up these feelings. He also has horrible road rage, so bad that it has scared me in the past. I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells around him and his temper, not knowing when he was going to explode.

Well, I finally just lost it one night and told him I could never have children with him if things didnt change. This was a big deal because he was dying to have kids, and I was hoping to wait a year or two until we got issues worked out. He went to a therapist and started taking Paxil. The Paxil helped tremendously with his anxiety and temper, so much that we barely fought anymore. 

A short while after he started the Paxil, I found out I had gotten pregnant- and it was not planned. Thankfully though, the Paxil was doing wonders and I was at ease now about having a child with him. 

So now we have a 3 month old baby girl who is amazing and we couldnt love her more. However, my husbands temper has come back a bit and he is nitpicking everything I do around the house. Now the nitpicking includes the way that I care for our daughter (since I am the one home with her all day). I seriously feel like I just cant take it anymore. He talks so disrespectfully to me and he doesnt even see what he is doing. I feel like we have tried talking about this so many times and we just go in circles and nothing ever changes.

I dont want to leave my marriage with a 3 month old baby. I am just beyond terrified that things will never ever change and I wont ever be happy in this marriage. I cant call my husband my best friend, I cant respect him as a person, I have no desire to have sex with him. I just feel no connection to him at all anymore.


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## pinky2129 (Sep 26, 2011)

heyy, 
this so seems like my issue... had posted a few days back a similar situation like yours... "should i divorce him??? need desperate advice on this issue...."

i know it hurts especially living with such a person who was completely different when dating him..

hold on tight babes.... can just support you as i know this feeling right....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Have you tried marriage counselling? Tell him how you feel disonnected and how his anger bothers you. 

Sidenote: anytime you are waiting for someone to change, you are wasting your time.

You can't change someone, only the way you react to them.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He could be stressed. My mother is this way when stressed. IT SUCKS. I couldn't imagine if my husband was this way.

Is he still on meds? Does he have relaxation techniques? It seems that the stress of moving in together triggered this and now the stress of supporting a family is triggering it.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

RachelLaura said:


> I was *walking on eggshells* around him and his temper, not knowing when he was going to explode.


Rachel, as I mentioned to you in April of last year, _Stop Walking on Eggshells_ is the #1 best-selling book targeted to the spouses of BPDers. Now that you've had an additional 18 months of experience living with him, perhaps it will be worth your time to re-read what I told you about my experiences with my BPDer exW. If so, my posts in your old thread start at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/12574-walking-eggshells.html#post140044. Take care, Rachel.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You don't want your baby girl to thnk this is normal either. No bueno..


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