# oral sex- why is it important?



## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

i know that for women, a lot are unable to orgasm from PIV sex alone as it doesn't necessarily hit the right spots. But guys? I've never heard of a guy not being able to orgasm from penetrative sex.  There are so many posts here where guys seem truly devastated because they are not able to get oral sex, and it surprises me because i wouldn't think it's important if you can achieve a satisfying orgasm from actual sex.

is it a physical thing that you cannot go without it in your sex life, like the orgasm from a BJ is a thousand times more intense and a PIV orgasm is only a half-orgasm? or is it more mental/emotional, perhaps you see it as a sign that she loves you if she is willing to do this- or that she doesn't love you/rejection of you as a person if she doesn't? 

fwiw, i'm not going to criticise or argue with anyone's reasons! (unless someone says something like "i like it _because_ i know my wife hates it and i like to see her miserable"!  ) I am asking because I am honestly curious to know, and I don't have a penis so the only way to know is to ask people who do. (my partner doesn't care about BJs one way or the other - he'll take one of course, but he prefers sex). 

so if you don't mind to tell me, why is it important/necessary to you? would you feel unsatisfied if your partner would do all other things with you (frequent sex, experiments/new things) but the only thing you could not get is a BJ?

(also, apologies for the crude grammar- English isn't my first language and i think sometimes i write sounding more harsh or critical than what i intend! i _don't_ mean to sound like "what is wrong with you if you can't live without a BJ"  just "i wonder why is this?")


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Orange, my H is the same as your SO. I gave him his first BJ for Valentine's Day and he LOVED it. But not better than PIV sex. He does not like giving it though (which is fine because I don't want to receive oral either). So he says he would probably never ASK for it since he does not give it. Now that he knows I actually love giving him one and don't really want it returned, he thinks he has died and gone to heaven!

ETA: H did say I should just let him give me oral just to see if I liked it or not. I said no thank you.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It feels really, really good, in a different way from PIV. It's one more way to give and receive pleasure, and to be loving and close with your partner. 

Psychologically, yes, men really love it when their partners love their penises and lavish attention on them. For some people, there are also power dynamics at play which enhances the eroticism and their enjoyment of giving and receiving.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

Here's my perspective, and my brief background is we've been married over 11 years. We were pretty sexual at the start, and since fixing our relationship we're about back to a pretty good level. My wife doesn't go all the way with BJ to completion, and usually she'd rather have sex.. So it's mostly a part of foreplay, and she'll do it sometimes if that's off the table.

Here's why I enjoy it. Oral sex is something that she really only wants to do for me during 69, she looks at it as kind of dirty. She loves receiving and doesn't have this hang-up with receiving. It's kind of unfair and I think it's an area we need to work on, but that's a relatively small complaint and I'm too happy with things where they are to make a big deal out of that. In a way, it makes it a little more special things being what they are.

That aside, intercourse is mutually satisfying. Some positions I'm doing all the work, even if we're both getting the pleasure. Getting a BJ is an act done by her for my pleasure that does not itself really stimulate an erogenous zone of hers. I've read that some women do get turned on giving BJ's, some get gratification from having that kind of power over their man... I don't think she experiences that. The fact that it is such a giving act from her to me gives me a feeling of being loved.

I don't have any difficulty with feeling in my wife, but before I met my wife I found that I felt more pressure and feeling from BJ's.

There is a good feeling from being dominant over my woman involved too.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I would not be in a relationship where I was not receiving or giving oral. Period.

A lot of people tend to think of it as an "appetizer"... I give it more credit than that, (as a woman). It is about giving and receiving the most intimate exchanges with your partner. It's not always about orgasm, as I can attest, I have never orgasmed from oral sex.

But I like it a hell of a lot better than NOT! :smthumbup:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It's more mental and emotional for me, I think. It's a submissive act from the woman I love. She is giving herself to me and showing me I am important to her. It is a bit of a power trip as well. I don't know if I could live without it. I've never been with a woman who did not do it. I always reciprocated. I felt it was a mix of submissiveness and a bit of a power trip to perform oral on her. My doing it for her was the submissive part and when she had an orgasm, I felt empowered. Maybe it's just a sense of accomplishment? Who knows?


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

To me there is just a closeness that oral promotes. I'm in a situation where for years my wife would not let me perform oral on her. I finally got her to give in on that and now she gets explosive orgasms from receiving oral from me...and I love giving it to her. Unfortunately, she still will not perform oral on me no matter how I ask. I find it extremely disappointing and I feel a true lack of real closeness during sex because of it. I've pretty much learned to live with it but I do feel a bit of unfairness about it all. To me there is just something more intimate to giving and receiving oral than almost anything else. It is truly a way, IMHO, that is focuses the attention of your partner in a way that says "this is all for you to enjoy and I'm happy to give you this pleasure".


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

WillK i did not think of that, it can be thought of as a particularly loving act because she is doing all the work and it's something she does just for your pleasure. that makes sense to me!  

SoxFan also, your point also is a good one, and something i hadn't thought of- that it is particularly intimate in a very unique way to be willing to let someone go there with his/her mouth and to do the same to them.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Nothing says 'I love you' more than giving giving an unreciprocated gift.

There are complex power dynamics involved as well. My wife is always aroused during oral. Is it a power trip to her? Is she semi submissive? Does it make her feel like a dirty girl? How would I know.

For me, it's selfless on her part, selfISH on my part (who doesn't like to be selfish once in a while), there is a bit of dominance, the mouth's muscles have more conscious control than a vagina (and don't forget the tongue  ) and it just FEELS different.

Do I PREFER BJ's? Sometimes. Usually it's the prelude to team athletics however.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

It is an unbelievable feeling to be "engulfed" by my wife's warm, wet mouth...with the only intent of giving ME pleasure. I will admit it is somewhat selfish on my part. I love to lay back and receive...but receiving BJ's is somewhat rare in my house. When it does happen, it is AWESOME! 

My wife always swallows, which makes this entire act more intimate and sexual to me. It is very exciting and reminds me of the old days in High School...when we got hot and bothered while making out in cars. I will also say that watching my wife do this to me is very exciting. Men are visual, so watching this just enhances the pleasure I am feeling.

One last point....I love it when my wife surprises me and will drop to her knees and put my stallion in her mouth...without me expecting it. It is an AWESOME feeling when I am small and then get completely aroused in her mouth. Sorry if this is too much info. The feeling is priceless. 

Sometimes, her giving me a BJ is the foreplay that SHE wants and then progresses into PIV sex. It is great when it happens. :smthumbup:


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

When I was 16 I got my first BJ.  Yea, I smiled back then too.  It was the best thing in the world.....and she didn't spill a drop. Having the desire to be a good lover, I returned the favor and fell in love with one of my favorite past times. She was the first, she's been the best so far but.. it was b/c she enjoyed it as much as I did. We did have sex later on but oral was always first, second, third, and then we'd have sex. lol.
Just having a woman go down there isn't good enough, she's got to show the desire to please. It's just not a up and down,sucking, slurping that makes it good, it's when the woman knows what you like, when you like it.
Case~in~point, my gf now, hates giving BJs but I give her oral all the time. She'll do it b/c she knows it turns me on. One night (after a year of bad BJs we stop @ my friends house for a little sex in the truck (friends house is in the country). I give her a little oral, she gets turned on, I get on top and she's ready to explode....but I got bit by a mosquito and lost the rhythm.....after recovering...lol she jumps on me and starts riding me reverse cowgirl, again ready to cum she lost her footing and just lost the big O. What happened next was, she got in a 69 and yelled "eat it". While I did my duty, she gave me the best BJ I've had in 25 years and hasn't done it since. The point is, when any woman is into sex like I am, she can give a good BJ, but, the desire to please must = her own desire to be pleased. That was her first time being so worked up she threw all her "ideas" away and did what she really wanted to, be pleased herself. I know b/c she isn't the first that have acted this way in the heat of passion, many times in the past, women have done things in the heat of the moment they wouldn't normally do if asked, and then after say "I can't believe I did that."
With that being said Orange, in the heat of the moment, could you enjoy oral yourself? I think you could.
Mouse


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

I've have an opinion on this that may seem a little strange, but here it goes : Humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure as well as procreation. 

So I look at oral sex this way : Our genitals are made for sex, our mouths are made for eating, breathing, and speaking. So when a person, male or female, makes a decision to use their mouth in a sexual fashion, I think its so much MORE personal than regular intercourse. I view it almost as a gift you give a partner that your body was not designed to do, but you did it anyway.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Because it FEELS REALLY GOOD?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Well, it feels fantastic for one.
The reason men feel bruised when their woman doesn't want to do it is rejection.

It's a rejection of their sexuality usually one that's not recipeocated as most men love servicing their wives.

No one wants their lover thinking of any type if sex with them as "gross" or undesirable
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

barbados said:


> I've have an opinion on this that may seem a little strange, but here it goes : Humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure as well as procreation.
> 
> So I look at oral sex this way : Our genitals are made for sex, our mouths are made for eating, breathing, and speaking. So when a person, male or female, makes a decision to use their mouth in a sexual fashion, I think its so much MORE personal than regular intercourse. I view it almost as a gift you give a partner that your body was not designed to do, but you did it anyway.


monkeys/ apes and the such have sex for fun they even masterbate.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

The feeling of being desired, being loved that accompanied the act of BJ is what make it so special. If my DW gave me BJ with even a hint of hesitation, that would surely lower my mood.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Because it goes along a bit with this thread, I'll just mention that I've heard women express the idea that they don't "have to" give oral sex after they're married. Obviously this is a toxic point of view but I just wanted to throw it into the mix as its something I've heard a few times. As another posted stated, I wouldn't be in a relationship where oral sex wasn't a regular and thoroughly enjoyed part of the love making. So to answer your question, oral gives a man much of the feeling he gets from PIV but with suction and a tongue!!!! oh my almost too much to think about


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

LoveMouse said:


> I give her a little oral, she gets turned on, I get on top and she's ready to explode....but I got bit by a mosquito and lost the rhythm.....after recovering...lol she jumps on me and starts riding me reverse cowgirl, again ready to cum she lost her footing and just lost the big O. What happened next was, she got in a 69 and yelled "eat it". While I did my duty, she gave me the best BJ I've had in 25 years and hasn't done it since.


omg that story made me laugh! it sounds like a scene from a comedy- but you didn't give up! 



> With that being said Orange, in the heat of the moment, could you enjoy oral yourself? I think you could.


giving or receiving? i don't have any hesitations about giving my partner a BJ. & he says i'm great at it :smthumbup:  but it's just that both of us like PIV better. 

receiving is more difficult because i just don't feel very much down there. no trauma or abuse or mental stuff getting in the way, no physical disability or neuro issues, hormones are fine, etc.- i'm just not sensitive. to feel anything you would have to bite my clit _really hard_, or put ice and/or scalding hot wax down there, stuff like that- and most guys are not comfortable with doing that. (sorry if TMI!)


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

I feel oral is about giving yourself to someones pleasure with nothing to do for yourself. When I am giving oral I am all about wanting my wife to relax and enjoy. To not think she needs to do something in return. In fact there are times that I use a bit of bondage if I am giving her oral so she has no choice to lay there and enjoy. She can not stop and say your turn. It takes a bit to get her to relax and just receive, That why I also enjoy using a blindfold so she doesn't know what is about to happen next as I also may pull out a toy.

As for me its the same. To have someone give me pleasure and not worry if they are also enjoying it as much as I am. PIV is work for a man most times. In everything but a woman on top. He works pretty hard at trying to keep the right rythum up and not cum to fast so she can cum first. I can say for me once I go over the edge its very hard for me to keep going to get her across the finish line also. When I am going at it I am worried about her pleasure and mine to try to finish so bother are satisfied.

A BJ I can enjoy the sight the sounds and more. I give up the control as to when I am heading over the edge. I can relax and enjoy. I Must must must know that she is into giving it. If I think she is just doing this because she feels like she has too it ruins it for me. Nothing better than the wife climbing into bed and making me the center of attention and taking me over the edge and then saying no need in responding you can owe me one in return.! 

Also a woman can make many more sensations with her mouth than she can with her P---y. She can very much very the pressure and the timing. This is one guy that is very happy my wife enjoys giving a BJ


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

It is important because it is Awesome!!! I dont love anything more than giving and receiveing it!


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

barbados said:


> I've have an opinion on this that may seem a little strange, but here it goes : Humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure as well as procreation.


There is plenty of evidence that animals besides humans have sex for pleasure and not just procreation. In fact, I'm not sure that the animals can possibly KNOW what they are having sex for. They are probably just as surprised to see young ones as humans were before we discovered how things down there worked. It's just not talked about much in biology class, and the subject is somewhat taboo even among many scientists. We've managed to project on non-human animals human values which assert that sex is supposed to be for procreation. Birds, dogs, and non-human primates have been observed participating in sexual behavior that cannot possibly result in procreation and far more often than needed to reproduce. 

I would venture to say that humans are the ONLY animals who have made rules stating that sex should be only for procreation and who have cultural and religious institutions who go to great lengths to culturally suppress sexual behavior. 

In response to the OP, oral sex feels good. Doing things that feel really good with your partner helps bond the relationship. I love giving and getting oral, but there is NOTHING like the feeling when your partner engulfs you in their mouth, brings you to an "O", and lets you savor the moment without expecting instant reciprocation.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I would not spend much time with someone who did not put my needs above her own. As I would put her needs above mine. I love BJs and have spent the last 20 years getting them often. They feel great and quite a bit different than DIV sex. If your not giving them I would suggest your man MAP up. If you are, your making your man happy and I applaud you.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Female here but I know for him BJs are part of a very close sexual relationship for us. We have a win/win where we both love giving and receiving oral and we do it often. 
TBH if it went missing from our sex life I would be upset, it is such a natural way to be close and intimate with your partner.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Holland said:


> Female here but I know for him BJs are part of a very close sexual relationship for us. We have a win/win where we both love giving and receiving oral and we do it often.
> TBH if it went missing from our sex life I would be upset, it is such a natural way to be close and intimate with your partner.


Holland, that is very nice to hear coming from a lady!!!!!


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## jman (Jun 20, 2012)

Holland said:


> Female here but I know for him BJs are part of a very close sexual relationship for us. We have a win/win where we both love giving and receiving oral and we do it often.
> TBH if it went missing from our sex life I would be upset, it is such a natural way to be close and intimate with your partner.


I'm jealous.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

OrangeCrush said:


> I've never heard of a guy not being able to orgasm from penetrative sex.  There are so many posts here where guys seem truly devastated because they are not able to get oral sex, and it surprises me because i wouldn't think it's important if you can achieve a satisfying orgasm from actual sex.
> 
> is it a physical thing that you cannot go without it in your sex life, like the orgasm from a BJ is a thousand times more intense and a PIV orgasm is only a half-orgasm? or is it more mental/emotional, perhaps you see it as a sign that she loves you if she is willing to do this- or that she doesn't love you/rejection of you as a person if she doesn't?


I have experienced a decrease in sensitivity over time, and PIV sex doesn't always result in an orgasm for me. A good BJ never fails, the amount of stimulation I get between PIV and a BJ is beyond comparison.

And yes, it's also about the whole giving and receiving, dominant submission thing and I really get off on giving facials.

I'm post divorce and I'd never stay with a girlfriend who wouldn't provide, and I don't get why any guy who puts the same level of importance in a BJ would settle for less.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> monkeys/ apes and the such have sex for fun they even masterbate.


I'm pretty sure all/most mammals have sex for pleasure.

I can't imagine why else my dog would keep ruining my couch cushions.

Is he trying to make little furry cushions?


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## Purple Cat (Dec 6, 2012)

OrangeCrush said:


> i know that for women, a lot are unable to orgasm from PIV sex alone as it doesn't necessarily hit the right spots. But guys? I've never heard of a guy not being able to orgasm from penetrative sex.  There are so many posts here where guys seem truly devastated because they are not able to get oral sex, and it surprises me because i wouldn't think it's important if you can achieve a satisfying orgasm from actual sex.
> 
> is it a physical thing that you cannot go without it in your sex life, like the orgasm from a BJ is a thousand times more intense and a PIV orgasm is only a half-orgasm?


To me getting a BJ feels incredibly good and it is not just the orgasm that feels good. Just being able to lay back, relax, and be pleasured is what makes it special and different from PIV sex. From the time that my wife starts teasing and touching me to the O, everything feels good. There are a lot of sensitive areas down there that each feels a little different when stimulated and my wife hits the right spots when I get one.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

we do the oral every time before sex, warming up the oven getting the excitement level up.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

jman said:


> I'm jealous.


Please don't be jealous jman, my life is very different now to what it used to be. Was in a LTR which basically grew to be sexless and even before that ex and I did not have a close sexual bond.
Now in my mid 40's I have finally found the right man for me. I have a lot to be thankful for in life now and I cherish every moment of it with him.


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

so it's a mix of everything i was guessing- physically it feels different (& more intense for some), the mental/emotional of knowing your partner wants to do something just for your pleasure, the fact that putting her mouth there is particularly intimate...and something i hadn't thought of, some get off on the dominant/submissive/power aspect. and everyone's reasons are slightly different- some are more into it for the physical, others for the other reasons or a mix of all of the above...

interesting, thank you for taking the time to answer me!


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## unlovedunfulfilled (Mar 18, 2013)

I absolutely love oral sex. Definitely, receiving it. LOL But it must be done right. If I'm doing, I want to do it right. If someone is doing it to me, I want it done right. When I'm doing it right, he's sucking his teeth, eyes rolled back in his head, toes curled, freakin standing on his tippy toes, gripping the back of my head...well, you know the rest. hahaha I make it downright nasty, too. He gets to watch me slurping and licking him, feeling me sucking him, experiencing the inside of my mouth, touching the back of my throat. My husband loves it. Most women think swallowing is gross. I happen to think it's pretty sexy and gives a bit of power over your lover as well as being submissive. Your man gets to feel completely loved and accepted, and like he went to heaven without ever dying. I admit, I do turn myself on while giving him a BJ, and I tend to get wet 'down there' while doing it. BONUS!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

If I may answer for my husband.....it's his intimacy. It's how I show my love to him. We have a lot of fun and some serious lusty moments too.


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## Jax10 (Oct 22, 2012)

My wife and I include oral in our sex life. As she has gotten older, she seems less interested in receiving, but continues to give. I consider myself fortunate. As for why....hmm... Is it important? Well, yes. If she were to stop, I don't know what I'd think. I really like getting the bj from her. As for why, well I think it is the taboo thing. I like that she wants to take me in her mouth. I don't know why, I just do. I think it is that is naughty and that it really is about pleasing me (it's nice to hear that she likes to do it too). Not much of an answer/.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Feels nice, tastes nice
What's not to like?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Because any real man has a special and very powerful switch called:

It's all about you

And when he loves a woman, he turns that switch on very very often. In a marriage or ltr, his female partner mainly uses her equivalent switch for children and aging parents. 

If she is able (and some women aren't), to flip that switch for him, then she is ready, willing and able to give him oral sex.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Happyquest said:


> As for me its the same. To have someone give me pleasure and not worry if they are also enjoying it as much as I am. PIV is work for a man most times. In everything but a woman on top. He works pretty hard at trying to keep the right rythum up and not cum to fast so she can cum first. I can say for me once I go over the edge its very hard for me to keep going to get her across the finish line also. When I am going at it I am worried about her pleasure and mine to try to finish so bother are satisfied.
> 
> A BJ I can enjoy the sight the sounds and more. I give up the control as to when I am heading over the edge. I can relax and enjoy. I Must must must know that she is into giving it. If I think she is just doing this because she feels like she has too it ruins it for me. Nothing better than the wife climbing into bed and making me the center of attention and taking me over the edge and then saying no need in responding you can owe me one in return


hope my husband feels this way.  I know my husband has to work hard to hold off until I cum. It's nice to show him appreciation for a very satisfying sex life. He can relax and enjoy.


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## CupCake522 (Mar 24, 2013)

Re: Oral sex why its important? Oral sex is something special between two people. I believe pleasing your partner is important in a relationship and nothing should be off limits as long as both people are in agreement and it does not hurt anyone. I know when I first got married my husband did not want me going down on him and now he loves it.I take great pleasure in pleasing him. One thing I can say for sure if your husband is happy and you are giving him blow jobs, he will do anything for you. And I do mean anything. So good luck.


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## CupCake522 (Mar 24, 2013)

Horse I agree with our statement 100%.


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## CupCake522 (Mar 24, 2013)

unlovedunfulfilled said:


> I absolutely love oral sex. Definitely, receiving it. LOL But it must be done right. If I'm doing, I want to do it right. If someone is doing it to me, I want it done right. When I'm doing it right, he's sucking his teeth, eyes rolled back in his head, toes curled, freakin standing on his tippy toes, gripping the back of my head...well, you know the rest. hahaha I make it downright nasty, too. He gets to watch me slurping and licking him, feeling me sucking him, experiencing the inside of my mouth, touching the back of my throat. My husband loves it. Most women think swallowing is gross. I happen to think it's pretty sexy and gives a bit of power over your lover as well as being submissive. Your man gets to feel completely loved and accepted, and like he went to heaven without ever dying. I admit, I do turn myself on while giving him a BJ, and I tend to get wet 'down there' while doing it. BONUS!


Unlovedandunfullfill I agree with you 100% there is nothing beter than pleasuring your husband and watching him enjoy it. The pleasure that he feels and that you receive giving hm a blowjob is well worth the experience and love you two share. And your right you are in control and that a great feeling.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

barbados said:


> I've have an opinion on this that may seem a little strange, but here it goes : Humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure as well as procreation.


Dolphins are known to have sex for recreation and they don't care what gender the other dolphin is either..

I'd say from my experiences with my ex, I'm turned off to oral either receiving or giving. It was the source of alot of our fights. Her calling it gross, but wanting it for herself. Tacoma is right, its the rejection from your loved one that makes the experience a bad one. I'd only get them when she wanted something and then only a half-azzed one..Except for the two times that she REALLY needed something. Then asks if I liked it, and when I said yes the response was 'well, I'm not doing it again so.."

However from women post-wife, the experience has changed dramatically. Its not the actual act..Its the desire you see from her that tells you she wants it. That lust...And Yes ladies, swallowing is the best thing you can do at the end of it...Spitting really takes something away from the whole act...


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

*Re: Re: oral sex- why is it important?*



barbados said:


> I've have an opinion on this that may seem a little strange, but here it goes : Humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure as well as procreation.


Dolphins are the only other species outside humans to have recreational sex as well.

Primates also perform sex acts outside biologically driven mating, out of stress, but it is a pathological condition, not a natural one.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

*Re: Re: oral sex- why is it important?*



chillymorn said:


> monkeys/ apes and the such have sex for fun they even masterbate.


See my above post. Homosexuality in primates, masturbation, hypersexuality, etc, etc isn't for fun. It's a serious sign of mental instability and boredom, and it's one of the signs of improper environmental enrichment. All facilities who have primates, by law have to have plans to guard against this kind of behavior occurring by keeping the animals environment stimulating.

Animal geek sidetrack off


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## blackeugene (Mar 21, 2013)

I would guess that he doesn't really care about bj's because you don't and he doesn't want to offend you. I have never met a man who doesn't like or care about bj's. Bj's are one important step when taking your relationship to the next level.

Take care


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## Aitrus (Mar 25, 2013)

humanbecoming said:


> See my above post. Homosexuality in primates, masturbation, hypersexuality, etc, etc isn't for fun. It's a serious sign of mental instability and boredom, and it's one of the signs of improper environmental enrichment. All facilities who have primates, by law have to have plans to guard against this kind of behavior occurring by keeping the animals environment stimulating.
> 
> Animal geek sidetrack off


Temporarily back on - the bonobo is a fully bisexual species. And black swan male pairings will steal eggs and hatch them together. Those aren't stress or mental instability or boredom, it's jus thow they are.

Sidetrack off.

As for the main topic, for me oral would be an alternative to PIV sex, which is painful for her. So oral, along with other things, would be the way that we can be intimate if she were open to it...but that's a whole other thread.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Vaginas don't have tongues.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> Vaginas don't have tongues.


True, but clitorises need tongues! (spelling????)


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Personally, I enjoy both giving and receiving oral because:

1) Receiving oral from the right person (or the properly trained person) is friggin' awesome!

2) I take almost as much emotional pleasure from being able to give my wife oral to orgasm as I generally do from PIV sex.

3) There is something incredibly intimate if both partners are willing to give and receive. I think it's the double-submissiveness of it. For the person (for clarity, let's say a woman) is giving oral to her man, it may appear submissive because she's servicing her husband while he gets to lay back and enjoy himself. But in reality, she's the one who has all the power in this situation because she's literally got her man's balls in her hand, and she can do whatever she wants with them, forcing the man to trust and submit to her as well.

But mostly because it feels friggin' awesome!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

OrangeCrush said:


> is it a physical thing that you cannot go without it in your sex life, like the orgasm from a BJ is a thousand times more intense and a PIV orgasm is only a half-orgasm?* or is it more mental/emotional, perhaps you see it as a sign that she loves you if she is willing to do this- or that she doesn't love you/rejection of you as a person if she doesn't? *


I did not give my husband a satisfying BJ for the 1st 19 yrs of our marriage... shame on me [email protected]#$%^& :banghead: I was repressed to some degree feeling this act was "dirty" - associated with Porn .... I said a stupid comment to him about penis's that... I regret, it wasn't personal but ya know.. he has one..and well... he took it a bit to heart... I wasn't the brightest bulb back in the day. 

My husband didn't marry me for Bj's, or because I was a great sex partner, he married me for LOVE... He knew I loved orgasms - even if we waited for our Wedding night to have PIV sex ....that was always ENOUGH for him ..and would have been until the day he died.... 

But I have to say... once I started doing them... realizing this beautiful gift I allowed to lay dormant all these years ...just because I wasn't thinking about it - and he wasn't asking....... 

OH MY....it's like a whole new discovery in the sexual for us... Nothing like looking up & seeing the euphoria on his face... how his body responds...feeling his excitement as he gets closer.. for a time I think I got off on it as much as him.

Besides the Sheer Pleasure.. I'd have to say it is even more of an *emotional thing*...just that I WANT to go there, my enthusiasm for HIm, all of him.... the idea I get turned on by "making love" to his penis... yeah... this does something to a man's spirit....I've asked him about this.. he loves them dearly... would even put them in his top 5 enjoyments of life .... 

But still, for him... PIV







is more enjoyable if he had to choose.... I know why...he is a pleaser at heart...and I am getting MINE at the same time. Nothing tops that -for my husband.


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## CupCake522 (Mar 24, 2013)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> Personally, I enjoy both giving and receiving oral because:
> 
> 1) Receiving oral from the right person (or the properly trained person) is friggin' awesome!
> 
> ...


DR, Rockstar you rock and I agree oral sex is great with the person that you love, I know I LOVE GIVING MY HUSBAND ORAL. I make sure that I give him oral at least once per day.


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## CupCake522 (Mar 24, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I did not give my husband a satisfying BJ for the 1st 19 yrs of our marriage... shame on me [email protected]#$%^& :banghead: I was repressed to some degree feeling this act was "dirty" - associated with Porn .... I said a stupid comment to him about penis's that... I regret, it wasn't personal but ya know.. he has one..and well... he took it a bit to heart... I wasn't the brightest bulb back in the day.
> 
> My husband didn't marry me for Bj's, or because I was a great sex partner, he married me for LOVE... He knew I loved orgasms - even if we waited for our Wedding night to have PIV sex ....that was always ENOUGH for him ..and would have been until the day he died....
> 
> ...


SimplyAmorous what a beautiful way to explain oral sex, I know I get off just wanting my husband moan , toes curl up, as well as his eyes role back. Just knowing that I am giving him so much pleasure is rewarding enough for me.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

CupCake522 said:


> SimplyAmorous what a beautiful way to explain oral sex, I know I get off just wanting my husband moan , toes curl up, as well as his eyes role back. Just knowing that I am giving him so much pleasure is rewarding enough for me.


CupCake...what you said is exactly why I love to give my Princess oral sexy! Well said.


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## Daneosaurus (Dec 2, 2012)

OP, one of my all-time favorite food items is ribeye steak, medium-rare. I would like to say I could eat it every day of my life. In reality, however, I'm fairly certain I could keep it up for weeks, possibly even a month or two. But, after that initial period has worn off, I am pretty sure I would become bored with nothing but that every time. It's difficult to be excited when you know that you'll be eating the same ribeye steak, the same recipe you have been eating every day for months, again.

Enjoying something and only being able to have that one thing, are entirely different things. Sex is no different. I love it when my wife and I have "vanilla" sex. It's enjoyable - it feels terrific. Plenty of love, face time; a real intimate connection. But if all my wife and I did was PIV missionary, I would go crazy. Changing it up adds fun, spice, and a little adventure to an otherwise predictable, yet enjoyable, sex-life. Also, oral feels fan-fricken-tastic.

By the way, my apologies for comparing sex to eating a piece of meat. I meant nothing offensive by it, and I would never objectify anyone.


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## Daneosaurus (Dec 2, 2012)

barbados said:


> I've have an opinion on this that may seem a little strange, but here it goes : Humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure as well as procreation.


This is not only not an opinion, but is factually incorrect.



barbados said:


> So I look at oral sex this way : Our genitals are made for sex, our mouths are made for eating, breathing, and speaking. So when a person, male or female, makes a decision to use their mouth in a sexual fashion, I think its so much MORE personal than regular intercourse. I view it almost as a gift you give a partner that your body was not designed to do, but you did it anyway.


Interesting. Have never thought of it this way before, but very interesting point.


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## Aitrus (Mar 25, 2013)

Daneosaurus said:


> OP, one of my all-time favorite food items is ribeye steak, medium-rare. I would like to say I could eat it every day of my life. In reality, however, I'm fairly certain I could keep it up for weeks, possibly even a month or two. But, after that initial period has worn off, I am pretty sure I would become bored with nothing but that every time. It's difficult to be excited when you know that you'll be eating the same ribeye steak, the same recipe you have been eating every day for months, again.
> 
> Enjoying something and only being able to have that one thing, are entirely different things. Sex is no different. I love it when my wife and I have "vanilla" sex. It's enjoyable - it feels terrific. Plenty of love, face time; a real intimate connection. But if all my wife and I did was PIV missionary, I would go crazy. Changing it up adds fun, spice, and a little adventure to an otherwise predictable, yet enjoyable, sex-life. Also, oral feels fan-fricken-tastic.
> 
> By the way, my apologies for comparing sex to eating a piece of meat. I meant nothing offensive by it, and I would never objectify anyone.


Dane,

This comparison makes a lot of sense to me. One I use would probably apply as well.

Imagine that sex in marraige is like deciding which restraunt you'll pledge to be a patron of for the rest of your life. It will be the only place you eat, forsaking all other places. Yes, you can still cook your own food at home, but when you want something else you will only go to this one place.

Now let's say that the place you choose has cooking that you like, great atmosphere, and conversations with the staff are pleasant and you find the time passing quickly. Let's call this place "Olive Garden". When you dated, the menu was varied and the chef was excited to prepare whatever meal you asked for. Fast forward a few years. The menu is still the same, but the cook doesn't want to prepare those meals, preferring to stick with just the spaghetti because it's easy and the pay is the same. She (or he) even adjusts the menu so that there's less and less on it - leaving you able to order only the spaghetti. That's if the place is even open when you're hungry and the chef doesn't "have a headache" or some other reason for not showing up. 

And on top of it all you're tired of the spaghetti. Don't get me wrong...it's good spaghetti. Maybe not as tasty and flavorful as it used to be, but still belly-filling and satisfies your hunger. So you order the spaghetti. But you really miss the linguini, the salad, the breadsticks, the shrimp scampi, the capelini pomodoro, etc.

Since you miss these foods, you decide to have a word with the chef - outside the premesis on his / her day off. All you get is "It's my restraunt! I'll decide what's on the menu!" So you start thinking "Whatever happened to The Customer Is Always Right?" You back off, ceding the point that it is indeed the chef's place, not yours, so you don't have the right to ask for the menu to be changed. It's just not polite and unbecoming of a faithful customer.

Eventually, you stop going to the restraunt, and it's open less and less. Other places look really good and you'd love to try their fare, but you made a promise. If only that chef could see and understand that you're tired of the same old boring spaghetti! Bring back the old, flavorful and tasty spaghetti, or mix it up with the old menu items. The chef will be happy to have you back and will feel satisfaction from making you smile, and you'll feel glad to pay for a meal that you truly enjoy. And there will be less "do it yourself" meals at home. Everybody's happy!

I should also caveat this to say that you are a chef in your own place, and that the other chef has pledged to patronage your restraunt as well, so all I said above might apply in reverse as well (depending on your situation).

For me, that's the best analogy as to why BJ's, and other things, are important to sexual compatability.


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## Daneosaurus (Dec 2, 2012)

Aitrus said:


> Dane,
> 
> This comparison makes a lot of sense to me. One I use would probably apply as well.
> 
> ...


Wow! Far more eloquent than my post, but the premise of the analogy remain the same.


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## CupCake522 (Mar 24, 2013)

Nicely put, I like your rational.


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## vegasruby (Apr 30, 2013)

norajane said:


> For some people, there are also power dynamics at play which enhances the eroticism and their enjoyment


It is power play. Men are getting off on degrading the woman. Humiliating as well. This is why they like oral sex.


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## vegasruby (Apr 30, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> It's a submissive act from the woman I love. She is giving herself to me and showing me I am important to her. It is a bit of a power trip as well.


Confirmation


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## vegasruby (Apr 30, 2013)

JCD said:


> Nothing says 'I love you' more than giving giving an unreciprocated gift.


I would love to receive a gift that is with no strings attached and is just for me to enjoy. *Sigh*


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