# Should I stay or should I go?



## lostwoman (Jan 10, 2016)

I've been with my husband now for 9 years. We've always had a troubled marriage. We spent many of the early years partying, which lead to a lot of fights. Over the years, I got tired of partying so much (adding: I'm in my mid-30s, and that ship has sailed...he is in his early 40s...and I think he's still on the party ship), and then we just spent more time going for drinks with close friends. 

When I got pregnant, I obviously stopped the drinks/hanging out, but my husband still wanted to go out, so I said it was ok with me if he went out once a week, but it was going to have to stop once the baby came. Once baby came, we got a baby sitter, and went out together a few times, but I just couldn't handle taking care of baby when hungover, so I've almost completely stopped drinking (have one glass of wine on holidays/vacation). He, however, can not stop going to the bar. I've gotten him to not come home drunk at least, but he's been saying he's going to his mom's house, then doesn't come home until very late at night. Twice now, he hasn't come home until late morning the next day (after last night, he still hasn't returned, and it's 12:15 pm...he didn't pick up my call last night, and I am just so tired of following up with him).

Since the baby was born (who is 2 now), we've had no sex, and we sleep in separate rooms. He snores louder than a bear, and is unwilling to do anything about it. He is also unwilling to work, unwilling to move us to a house (we are in a small townhouse and really need the space, plus a better neighborhood for our son). We argue about everything, and I know I have a tendency to yell...I know I have hormonal issues, and I'm trying to work on them. But he really knows how to get under my skin! 

We've been seeing counselors on and off with a little help while we are going, but when we stop, things fall apart again....it's like he'll be accountable to them, but not me. We just started to see one again, but I'm not feeling too hopeful. 

I've been seriously considering leaving for a long time now, and the reality of it grows a little at a time. But it also kills me to know I will have to split the time, sharing my son. Plus, my husband is such a big baby, he will have his mother there every time to help take care of our son, and I am very uncomfortable with her "parenting" methods. It will also suck to spend most of the money I earn renting a place even smaller than where I live now. Getting a divorce seems just as bad as dealing with this problem.

I don't even know if we love each other at all anymore...in fact, I am pretty sure we don't. I want to do the best thing for my son, but sometimes it doesn't feel that divorcing is actually the best thing. I'm at a crossroads and feeling very lost... any insight?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

It sounds like he has an alcohol problem. He needs to quit going out drinking. He is probably cheating too since he stays out all night. Why isn't he working? What does he do all day and who supports your family? If you do decide to stay you need to set some rules down like he stops drinking, stops going out all night and gets a job. I know divorce is scary but what positives does he bring to the marriage. Do you want your child growing in a loveless marriage with fighting all of the time? Can you support yourself if you do divorce since you can't count on him to help out financially.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He is not being accountable to them, he is only paying them lipservice.

He is telling them what he thinks they want to hear so he can shut them up quicker to get on with his hedonistic life as a teenage party boy.

But he isn't a teenage party boy. He is a pathetic man in his 40s pretending to be a teenage party boy.

But nobody has challenged him, nobody has shown him that his actions have consequences.

He needs a wake-up call.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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