# Is cybersex an EA or a PA?



## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

For those new here: 

EA-Emotional affair
PA-physical affair

Hubby who, for years, would go online while I was at work and hook up with women in a "married but looking" chatroom and proceed to have cybersex (masturbate) with these women online. Sometimes with and sometimes without the little webcam I got for Xmas a few years back.

I have no doubts that this is cheating but just am curious if you all think this was an emotional thing or just a physical one. He did visit a few of the women "5 or 6 times", or so he tells me, but, of course, "they didn't mean anything" to him.


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

what in the world are you still doing with this guy??


----------



## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

If he "visited them" it was physical. From the sound of this it does not seem to be emotional. I would define emotional as a case where there are love feelings or something similar.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

When you say 'visit' I take it you mean visit them online multiple times, not in person?

It doesn't sound like EAs to me, more like PAs...did it start with porn? It almost sounds like it, that porn didn't do it anymore and he crossed the line to something more interactive....to me, the line he crossed went from porn viewing to cheating, ie PA, if that's the case.


----------



## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

IMO, PA's are when they actually physically touch (make contact) each other. Everything else is a PA. If you define masturbating as a PA then you imply that all men have had PA's and I don't agree with that. A PA is when an EA turns physical with two people - but they have to touch each other and I define it as sex, holding hands, kissing. Anyway, just my opinion.


----------



## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

I agree with Brighterlight that, imo, a PA has to have the "physical" in person, touching aspect to it though I can understand with a web cam being used how it begins to grey the area between EA and PA.

Cyber sex, even though your man may tell you that it doesn't mean anything, does mean something. There's an emotional aspect to it that doesn't necessarily involve/exclude "love". It's an emotional need they have to be wanted, wooed, aroused by another person and provides a thrill to be doing something that they feel would be "wrong" in the real world but they can justify as ok because it happens only in the virtual world. 

Since you only asked our opinion of whether it was an EA or PA and didn't ask for opinions on whether it is acceptable or harmful, I'll leave the topic at that. However, I will add that if you want to discuss thoughts pertaining it's effects and/or advice on how to respond to it, let me/us know. 

Best of luck to you. I feel for you as it's a difficult thing to deal with.

Lost


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I wouldn't call it either. But I'd still call it cheating.


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

This is called 'cyber cheating', it is very difficult to stop because it gets highly addictive, I should know, I have done it. Some people don't see it as cheating and I didn't until I stopped and looked back on what I was doing. It takes a lot of time and effort to get out of the habit of cheating in any way. Now's the time for you to decide 'Do I want to stay/get back with him if he says he's changed and run the risk of him doing it again, or do I walk away and try and get over him?', people say 'once a cheater, always a cheater', but I don't believe this because people can and do change. If you choose to get back with him, you could always set up a monitoring program on his computer so you can see if he has stuck to his word?? Good Luck in whatever you choose to do. And don't hesitate to question me about anything.x


----------



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Also, if he has been meeting up with some of the women and actually did stuff with them then that is classed as 'physical cheating'.


----------

