# Any advice? Kids going for summer visitation with STBXW



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Back during the mediation in April, I allowed the kids (G11 & B6) to go longer than the typical 6 week visit to see their mom (based on her request). It'll be 8 weeks instead because their mother wanted them as much as possible. I know the kids miss their mom dearly, and I don't expect her to be coming back to our area anytime soon. So I made the decision for my kids and to allow them to spend as much time as they can with her before coming back in August. I know some will call this foolish, but I feel it was completely a selfless decision. I did not do it for my STBXW. I did it for my kids. Her leaving has been very hard on them.
However, now as they are about to go, I am going to really, really miss them too. And then it hit me, that they will begin to miss me too. It's thinking about this that I get angry. Angry at my EX for moving so far away which has broken the family. 
I will be able to spend a week with them in the middle of the visitation time which will help, but I feel I made a mistake that is too late to fix, even though I m happy with just about everything else in the decree. I can't go back and change what we agreed in mediation. The divorce decree is about to be signed by the two of us in a matter of a day or two. I can't back out now.  Maybe re-address this with the courts in 3 years I guess?
I guess why I am addressing this here, is how do you cope with this since it'll be the first time my kids are away from me for an extended period of time? Keep myself busy? I'm working on that since I have the summers off, this will be a challenge. I know I will Skype with them 3 times a week like my STBXW does, but it still sucks not having them around.
Most importantly,due to my emotions how do I address this? Is there anything you have done that you have found to be helpful?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Houstondad said:


> The divorce decree is about to be signed by the two of us in a matter of a day or two. I can't back out now.


Can you expand on this?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I will predict this. The STBXW will very quickly find having them around is going to cramp her ability to live like the single 18 yr old she wants to live like. 

I predict she'll make it about a week and then start hiring baby sitters or dumping them on friends so she can go out.

Do you have any morals clauses or restricts on when the STBXW has to be home from her dates? IE by midnight? Or no-dumping the kids overnight on friends?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I will predict this. The STBXW will very quickly find having them around is going to cramp her ability to live like the single 18 yr old she wants to live like.
> 
> I predict she'll make it about a week and then start hiring baby sitters or dumping them on friends so she can go out.
> 
> Do you have any morals clauses or restricts on when the STBXW has to be home from her dates? IE by midnight? Or no-dumping the kids overnight on friends?


:iagree:

Will she give them back if she tires of them? 8 weeks is a long time for a women like her willing to abandon her kids.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

First, thanks for the replies and input. My life has been a roller coaster since I found out about the affair. And while the dips haven't been as steep recently, they do arrive in smaller spins from time to time. 
1. Clarifying the decree: I/nor my EX has signed the decree mainly due to her nitpicking some of the wording. It's minor. But it's prolonged this whole thing. I feel she'll sign it in the next few days before she arrives on Friday.
I agreed to the longer summer visitation in mediation and from what I understand, it's hard to change that, unless the other spouse agrees. And there's no way she would agree to relinquish her days now. She says she wants every single day she can get with them. Like they're a material possession to her.
Do I feel she'll cave in to taking care of them? Part of me feels like that will happen, especially when her BFs kids who are G3 & G6 are there part of the time. That's 4 crazy kids when my kids arrive. But I could be wrong too.
Also, there is no moral clauses or wording about who or how she dates I'm afraid. 
And did I mention here how she almost got away with hiring her cousin to be the nanny? He's a recovering addict (alcohol & drugs) that she's aware of, but may not have known he's still not recovered due to bouts of drunkenness. I did not know about this until her brother told me. Apparently, it was "none of my business". I did post this earlier in the Family forum. I can give more detail if interested. The kids counselor found this out and said it was a very bad idea to try to hire the cousin.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

In case you're curious: this is the link to my STBXW's attempt to hiring a nanny while she and her BF are at work...and whenever else they would need him.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/47966-stbxw-using-alcoholic-cousin-my-kids-nanny.html


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

HD, I wish you all the best with this. Every time I read one of your posts I become acutely aware of how little I really have to complain about.

If you can get past your legitimate worries (I unfortunately think in your situation it will probably play out like shaggy has said), the only advice I can offer for the time apart is to go ahead and do something you've always wanted to do - for you. You deserve it.


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