# 26 years later a life thrown away



## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Again if you forgive and forget, sit and think is it from the heart or brain.

The brain is the logical part, NOT THE HEART.

This couple ended it 27 years later, I almost cried for the husband literally thru his life away.

How do you forgive when your wife's affair still hurts after 26 years?.

I feel in love with my wife 28 years ago.At the time I was single for sometime and very happy. she had just broken up with her past boyfriend of ten years {on and off between having other relationships}because she said he was always selfish and, cheated on her more then a few times.We dated for about 6 weeks almost everyday and, she spent the night in my bed with me.One night she ask me to make love to her and we had great sex.That night it became official we were in a monogamous relationship.We went out for almost 2 years and were engaged to get married.one night she didn't come home until the next morning.She told me that she spent the night with her ex. but nothing happened, I broke down, she also told me that they had talked and had lunch a few times before this night.I loved this women and we worked things out with the understanding that it would not happen again. We married and 2 months later she did it again.{She was always happy with our sex life and always told me how happy i made her feel} I left and told her it was over. I went to Europe and visited some friends. when I returned she begged for forgivness and she said It was nothing with me it was her.It took sometime but I forgave her and we had children and became close again.Last night we had a fight and this affair was mentioned, I asked her why would you bring up something that I tried to forget for so long she said, She didn't have a affair because we weren't married."Is there something going on that I'm not seeing"? Is she trying to rewrite history?, What do you think


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

wait is this the same one you always go on and on about that got AIDS? Or is this your latest wife? If it's your latest....so sorry.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I think its another couple and he just copied that guys story in the first person and it all kind of ran together...his wife was 15 when they met, so I'm thinking she couldn't of had a previous relationship for 10 years with someone else.


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## KMDillon (Apr 13, 2009)

Exactly what I was thinking TNGirl. His stories don't add up.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Tim,

Not about me.

Wife had affiar, he never really forgave her and she stilll loved the OM.

It came out 26 yrs later they split.


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

People,

Sorry if my posts are not politcally correct, dripping in sugar drops. hey are based on real life, over 25 yrs of studies real/book and internet.Why you want everything to be perfect is a non perfect world.

Well me impresfect is here, you may not like my forthright posts but they are real.

See I live the reality, way past your normal posts here, I have yet read about the destructive relationship post affair leading to the inevitable end as ours did so many years ago.

My wife today spits on the ex memory, a testament I subsribe to.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Seriously dude, its not about being politically correct it is about being so harmed that you can not get over. The infedelity you were a victim of was 30 years ago, correct? Yet you still refer to yourself as an infedelity survivor. It has created the very cynical/jaded person that comes accross in your posts. I know you will say that I'm wrong that you put that incident in your past but anyone reading you knows that just aint so. Otherwise you would not refer to it so often. Nobody thinks the World is perfect. I just think that most of us have a little more faith in Humanity than you. JMHO


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

Sorry you feel that way.

See I was one of the few to suffer the 3th degree emotional burns 30 yrs ago. A teen girl was to pick me up, nurse my wounds and make me much stronger a human being. 

I have studies per internet, counseling, professional teachers this most intersting study in human weakness. Its ability to destroy people and family, its quite an interesting subject.

However I am here to help the ones go out the door, the ones that do not want to stay in a realtionship. Do they need to wait to wife/husband falls down stairs to realize its over. If I can help one person to find a happy life from a affair realtionship another mark in my book.

I care less about the cheater the regret feely good sorry etc. I want them to have screamed that at penetration time.

Remember Kirk, our past is our future. If my wife cwould have not ceahted no wife now, no post here, no AIDS for her etc.


You read the book the butterfly effect.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Oh I'm with you my man. No one should stick it out with a cheater just for the sake of kids/political correctness/family stigma etc. If you want out, get out now, find the strength and move on with a happier life. For God's sake don't waste 1 minute in a relationship that has no chance of being fulfilling.


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

Kirk,

We agree, now show me one site (even here) that supports the person that wants out.

The replies, man work it out, she/he is giving the best shot to show you love and trust etc. The realty is person has placed the explosives on the marraige bridge and wants support to push the plunger.

So little to no support for such a person.

Now do not take my word do the reading's.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

I've personally advised many on this site to get out and dont look back. As have many others. It's just that there are times when the person who wants out holds some complicity to the affair. In most cases an affair is the result of both partners not working to put the marriage first. You know little things like being loving/supportive/helpful/compasionate/complimentary etc... Don't get me wrong I dont condone affairs. Or even excuse them. I believe as an adult you say "look, I'm not getting (fill in the blank) that I need for this marriage to work. We either need to do(fill in the blank) to fix it or we need to divorce and find a better fit". Then go forth and conquere. 

If you have the affair while still married you are being selfish/hurtfull and immature whatever your reasoning. An adult should not behave in this manor. I guess what I'm saying is have some accountability for your actions and decisions. If you choose to marry you need to honor your commitments. The till death do us part thing is the ideal and if you choose to marry you owe it to the commitment to try and attain it. However, if it just aint going to work, dont behave like a hormone raging 18 old boy and go F%^&K the first thing that gives you your ego boost.

That being said you can survive and thrive in a marriage affected by an affair. Provided BOTH partners learn from their mistakes and want to make it work. Odds are long but for many it is worth it to try.


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

Do you beleive it took 26 years for this couple to find out they was not happpy. This is a tradegy.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

I read and re-read your posted story and nowhere does it say he had not forgiven her. It also said that she brought up the past affair. Also it never says she was still in love, or ever in love with the OM. So it looks like you are taking some editorial liberties. I'd also say that it sounds like they had a pretty good run of 26 years and brought 2 children into the world together so I'm not sure where the tragedy is. If that nights fight leads to divorce I'm pretty sure it was not the 27 year old affair that brought it down. It's just not a logical leap on your part.


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

Kirk,

You are correct, there was no more affair.

She was still in love with the other Man.

He had never let go of the memories that haunted him.

They did the usual kids to stay together.

Again you have read thru the post, there was no fighting just the end of their relationship. It was quite civil not what we on the forum would have expeced.


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