# What does this mean?



## goyaboard1 (Aug 7, 2012)

Hi.
In conversation with my wife she asked if I think about her and it what way. I think about her a lot, is she having a good day, hope she is enjoying her shopping trip etc. I also said I think she is super attractive , very sexy and I often fantasise about her and some of the saucy things we may do together.
I asked if she thinks of me in the same way, does she think of me in a sexy way, does she fantasise about me/us. No, not really was her reply.
To be honest this floored me a bit. I thought everyone had fantasies about their lover, some to be fullfilled and some to be left as a fantasy.

Is her reply something I should worry about. It does explain why
Our sex life could be better may be.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Ouch. No one likes hearing that, and I guess she has a talent for bluntness.

How long have you been married? I will tell you one thing, doting on her more at this point is not going to get you more sexual attention. So stop telling her about the fantasies and giving her the compliments, and maybe work on yourself (e.g. get in better shape).


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## goyaboard1 (Aug 7, 2012)

Hi,
yes it did hurt. Been married for 35 years, had 6 months seperation recently by sort of mutual agreement. A lot of that to do with bad communication and poor sex life. We are back together and working things through and it seems to be going ok.
communication is much better, his needs her needs etc. hence the conversation we had the other day.
I do realize I am free and open with my compliments but it does seem like a one way street sometimes.
I do keep myself in good shape , good athletic physique, and well groomed. like to take pride in my appearance. I think my wife deserves that.
I think you are right though, maybe i should back of a bit and let her do the wanting and chasing
god , its complex sometimes thats for sure


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Well yeah, 35 years is a long time, so it's not surprising that she might have some times when she's not thinking about you sexually, especially if you've had problems in your marriage. 

Maybe you are making too many compliments out of insecurity, and then she is picking up on the insecurity and only feeling more in power and less interested.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Keep in mind that "backing off" may give her exactly what she wants. Less pressure to be intimate. Like suspending a kid for skipping classes at school. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you've been married 35 years, she's probably hitting menopause. She probably finds it interferes with what little arousal she's been able to muster or it screws with her head in other ways. I think her comment was just her way of bringing up the subject with you. You've kept this woman for four and a half decades so whatever you're doing, she must be fine with. This business probably has more to do with weird science and female biology than any problem having to do with you or the relationship.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think this is where appropriate use of technology can be helpful. If you are somewhere and see something beautiful or interesting, you can send her a text and let her know you're thinking of her. Some people are really tight when it comes to their focus, and they don't let their minds wander off...it's not necessarily a bad trait! They are being present in their moment, and it's certainly no crime...people pay big money to go to meditation retreats to develop that skill....and it can also be a sign of good mental health. 

You could also master the art of the selfie, there are a lot of tips on taking interesting selfies...you could take along a snapshot of her and put it next to you somewhere romantic or exciting...or just send her a smile from wherever you are, a photo of your lunch, a restaurant you want to take her to, a dress you saw you thought she would look good in...

The idea is to help your partner think about you...given that it's just not in her cognitive makeup to be thinking of anything that's not right in front of her nose.

To be honest, I can go almost the whole day without thinking about what my kids are doing at school, whether they are getting on with their classmates, whether the lunch I packed stayed hot in son's Thermos, and my eldest son lives away now and I can go a few days without thinking about him. It doesn't mean I'm not close to them and I don't love them...quite the opposite, I'm secure enough to know that they understand that I have stuff I'm going to do in my life, and I'll come back to them, and they'll come back to me. I also don't expect them to be always thinking about me. 

It's okay, don't panic! The human mind is really designed to just focus on one thing at a time. The rest is polling the environment in an attempt to remain alive.


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