# Is my wife being honest about her sexuality?



## miater (Sep 12, 2010)

my wife has this really close female friend. My wife and I are early 50s. She has been married before, but not for 25 years. 
This female friend of hers has sent her flowers in the past, before we were married. This female friend is lesbian, in a relationship , but not a happy one.This female friend said to my wife once, the only difference between a straight woman and a lesbian is a bottle of wine. This female friend was married to a man once. 

Now two months into our marriage, my wife tells me she has to fly out of town on business with this female friend, once a month, for three days each time.

Then she said to me the other day, that one of her kids said to her, what would it have been like growing up if mom was a lesbian

Why doesn't she just come out and say it.

Meanwhile I have to tell your, our sex life sucks. She won't look at me when we have sex. She keeps her eyes closed. 
I have to ask her to look at me. 

have I been duped?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Why do two friends have to fly out on business anywhere once a month?

Explain better.

BTW, why not join her if that is just business?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I will admit the business thing sounds somewhat fishy. But...she may not be lying about her sexuality. She may be in denial. Her lesbian friend may be into her that way while your wife is not. There could be any number of explanations. The kids may have asked that simply out of curiosity. When my oldest was in kindergarten, he had a friend in his class that had 2 moms, mom was a lesbian. My son came home and asked me why he didn't have 2 moms. It was a simple curiosity thing; he just didn't understand. Once I explained it to him, it was fine. 

Eyes closed during sex...I used to be like that. For me, it was pure shyness. I was embarrassed to look at him looking at me while we were doing that. I got over it; some women don't. 

If you really believe she is being dishonest with you about her sexuality, then talk to her about it. Don't be confrontational, but tell her the things you've noticed and see if she sees how it could make someone think that and see what she says.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

She won't look at me when we have sex. She keeps her eyes closed. 

It is just a difference between men and women. Men like to look, women like to think. I close my eyes when my husband is working on me. I am enjoying. My husband is super handsome, I enjoy looking at him, but not during sex.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

As Elmer Fudd used to say:

"There's something vehwee sckawoowee going on here."


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

*People change over time*

I don't know if your wife is being honest or not, personally I doubt it but you should be aware that sexual choice is not b/w, but varies with age, and certainly LGBT folks are finding it easier and easier to come out of the closet. 

I have several lesbian friends who realized or admitted after they turned 50 they preferred the company of women to their husbands. I have friends who had lesbian affairs in HS, who decided they like men, later married, had children, and now divorced/widowed/married and 50+ are as straight as this man could want.

I know men who came out of their closet after years of pretending to be heterosexual, we have all read and possibly know transgendered individuals who have known all their lives they are male inside a female body or vice versa. I know one FtM TG who at age two or three looked at her self in a mirror and knew a male mind was locked inside her girl's body. Her father was in the room at the time, didn't know this until his daughter told him 30 years later, he proudly supports his kid, told me about him when we were discussing our children.

I used to think that ones gender preferences are hard wired, I'm beginning to learn that they are malleable, and although my wife agrees Michelle Pfeiffer is beautiful, I'm the one who has to rearrange myself when Ms. Pfeiffer is on screen.

A friend of mine is much more flexible, she believes in the dark both men and women can enjoy the company of either gender, enjoys seeing handsome men and beautiful women walk by.

I believe your wife was turned on by you initially, but today she prefers her friend. You weren't duped, she's changed.

Mark

















miater said:


> my wife has this really close female friend. My wife and I are early 50s. She has been married before, but not for 25 years.
> This female friend of hers has sent her flowers in the past, before we were married. This female friend is lesbian, in a relationship , but not a happy one.This female friend said to my wife once, the only difference between a straight woman and a lesbian is a bottle of wine. This female friend was married to a man once.
> 
> Now two months into our marriage, my wife tells me she has to fly out of town on business with this female friend, once a month, for three days each time.
> ...


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

I'd like to know more about these business trips. Does your wife have a legitimate reason to go 3 days/month with this friend?

If they are having an affair, it would not be limited to the trips. There would be text messages, emails, phone calls, gifts, time spent together.

If your wife did not welcome the lesbian attention, she would avoid the woman.


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