# Can a marriage with depression be saved? Shoud I stay or go?



## webdings (Nov 14, 2009)

My H has been going through depression for years but since he retired 2 yrs ago it has gotten really bad. He has lost all emotions toward me. Our sex life is non-existant and he shows no feelings toward me. We just had our 10yr anniversary and I feel like I can't live like this forever. I am 32 and want someone to love me and care for me. 

Has anyone every saved their marriage through depression? Will this get better or should I leave now? I have 2 kids so I'm trying to hang in their but I deperately need to know if their are clear skies at the other end.


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## trailblazingwoman (Jan 9, 2010)

I have some good news for you in the midst of this challenging journey you are on living with a partner affected by depression. Yes - marriages where a partner is suffering with depression can be saved. For me to say there is a quick fix to this for you would not be realistic. However, there most definitely are strategies, tools and insight available for you to be able to turn your situation around.

I am living in a marriage where my partner suffers with bouts of depression. It was only when I reached out for help and admitted I couldn't do this on my own any more that I found the answers to saving my relationship. My life and marriage have been so transformed through the professional assistance I was given, that I am now a coach and mentor for women just like yourself who are struggling with depression within a relationship.

Managing effectively a relationship where your partner has depression takes deliberate, steady steps and a great deal of patience and understanding of what you are dealing with.

The first thing I would encourage you to do is to start taking care of yourself first and find the professional support you need to give you the understanding and tools you need to overcome this "giant" of depression in your relationship. You have two children also to take care of so I am imagining that the emotional demand on your life at the moment is extraordinary. Please find someone you can share your heart with so that you can begin to regain your own emotional energy and freedom and then begin to apply the principles you need to apply to your relationship to give you the marriage you desire.

You could have a look at the blogs I have posted recently on my website at http://www.trailblazingwoman.com.au. All of these blogs relate to the exact situation you are in. I am sure the blogs will be helpful to you and give you hope and a sense of confidence. They will also give you an idea of the direction you can head in if you truly want to save your marriage. 

If you would like to discuss this further you can contact me by email at [email protected]. I would be happy to talk to you about the next steps you can take into freedom and harmony within your marriage.

Warm regards
Christine McRae
The Trail Blazing Woman
[email protected]


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## Rob2380 (Dec 21, 2009)

webdings said:


> Has anyone every saved their marriage through depression? Will this get better or should I leave now?


My wife has been through three bouts of depression over the past several years. It's now under control with medication. Before she went on meds it was very difficult for both of us. It's a low dose anti-depressant, but it allowed her to return to a normal life and get our relationship on a better track. You do have to be patient, as not every person responds well to a specific medication. Hang in there and if your spouse is not getting treatment, beg him to go. Men try to pass this off as something they don't need help with, and they couldn't be more wrong. Depression isn't like a cold. It doesn't get better on its own from my experience.


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## webdings (Nov 14, 2009)

Thank you so much for your responses. I know that there is not a quick fix but I just needed to know that if I hang in there and try to work on this, it will eventually get better. 

My H is retired now 2 yrs. I work full time in the navy. I am scheduled to go to Africa for 8 months coming up real soon. I am just hoping that he can find the right meds before I return. I feel so emotionally neglected. He has been in better spirits this weekend but I still feel like I have to be on eggshells around him.


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## Rob2380 (Dec 21, 2009)

In my experience, it took a few weeks for the medicine to have a noticeable effect. While I may not like what the meds do to her sex drive, it's so much preferable than before she went on them. Hang in there and encourage him to get help.


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