# I'm 7 months pregnant and my husband won't find work.



## June (Apr 25, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and together for 4. I'm 31, and last year we both went back to school full-time to further our careers. We're currently living at his mom's house while we're in school and she's paying most of our bills. She's wonderful and I love her but I'm embarrassed to have her support us as well as she really can't afford it and it's draining her financially. 

When I got pregnant, my husband promised me that he would work while we're going to school and that we'd be okay financially. I'm now 7 months pregnant and my husband is working but very randomly and not very much. Every now and then I'll get really upset because even though our expenses are minimal, we're not making enough money and we have a baby coming. I'll start crying and to appease me he'll send out his resume to ONE company and then do nothing until a few weeks later when I'm crying again. 

His mom is buying stuff for our baby (crib, stroller, etc..) and I hate it that my husband isn't providing for his family. But worse, he seems totally content to let his mom support us. 

It seems like nothing I can say or do can motivate him enough to man up and get more work. I'm not even asking him to work full-time, I'm asking him to work 20-25 hours a week! I just don't UNDERSTAND why he isn't more motivated when we have a baby coming! 

I feel trapped. I'm trying to find a job myself but no one wants to hire a pregnant lady. I can't move out because I can't work and support myself. I have no family here (I moved to CA for him and my family is in FL) and I don't have any friends to talk to. 

This really is my worst nightmare come true! I'm married to a deadbeat and I'm pregnant and completely reliant on him. 

I know that I'm lucky that at least I have a supportive mother-in-law but this wasn't what I wanted . I don't know what to do or how to handle it. 

I know no one else can handle my problem and advice from strangers isn't going to help me. I'm just so upset and I don't have any friends to confide to. 

Best, 
J.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

You are more like your H then you will be able to admit for a long time. Your in-laws are enablers. they enabled your H not to work, and you fell into the same trap. this didnt start when you got pregnant. While you were dependent on your in-laws you both decided to have a baby. that was not smart and you are living the consequences of your choices. you both got lured in with the idea of not working while going to school and on top of that thought having a baby in your situation was a good idea. it was a bad idea. you are both responsible for your dependency. your H is not solely responsible. 

but relax. its not the end of the world. You hate your dependency and that is good. But you have a home and a safe place for you and your baby while you can work your way out of the hole you've dug. as frustrating as it is try to be patient with yourself and your H. its no easy thing to regain your independence, especially with a baby. the first step is to drop the martyr role. dont blame this on your H. its not going to help you or your child to play the martyr.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Yep, no point crying now. Like you said, you are married to a deadbeat, but you got yourself into this. Sorry

Since he isn't going to provide for the baby and you won't be able to right away, you might look into assistance programs for the time being. I don't know about California, but there are programs that will help expectant mother with groceries before the baby comes, and then they help with mother and baby afterward. Also, you will need financial assistance and medical care, so look into Social Services so you can receive Medicaid and food stamps. His mother is good enough to help, but it's doubtful she can afford all of baby's needs based on your description of her limited means. BTW, what are you doing for pre-natal care? How is that paid for?

Please stay in school so you will become able to take care of yourself and your baby. Now that you know you will not be able to depend on him, there is no point in you placing yourself in this position again. Woman up because you will likely become a single parent and may not have anyone else to help. Good luck


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:iagree: I gotta wonder about what kind of husband you have who would allow his mother to support him and doesn't have the pride and sense of responsibility to look to provide for his own family. Sounds like he hit 12 and got stuck there.  Why isn't he working? Because he doesn't have to! He's got himself a gravy train right now, why change that? 

Unfortunately you got yourself pregnant while in this situation I don't know if your pregnancy was planned or by accident but fact is, it happened. You can wake him up by going back to Florida and live with your family or look into social services that'll help you get a job at some point. Many programs are designed to do get someone off public assistance and into a work program. 

You might want to talk to his mother and see if you can both come up with a plan that'll provide some incentive for your husband to get off his lazy butt and get a job. I know one thing, if this was MY son he'd be paying rent and food expenses and all sorts of things so he'd HAVE to get a job. I don't believe in giving older children a "free ride", especially when they have a wife and kid on the way.


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## ResentMe (Apr 30, 2010)

I think the using labels like "deadbeat" are a little harsh in light of this defunct economy. You can't just will a job. Free loaders or not, in most other countries, families live together and support each other through these circumstances and changes and that's how they are able to compete with us so much more efficiently. They are not running around with a skewed sense of entitlement saying "where's mine, I want mine." They work together and it's all good. If your H does not meet your exalted standards then maybe you should go it on your own...and if you don't end up as the poster child of modern success then you can just blame him. Either way, "You're good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, you deserve it."


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