# Guys. Help me



## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

My ex fiancé has agreed to get back together after a 4 month split. I made lots of mistakes and hurt her very bad. She is adamant that we go slow. Like I'm not moving back in with her right now. I am not a go slow kinda guy. I need advice on what to do to not push to hard to fast. I'm very grateful that she's even willing to Try. Help I need advice.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Don't do it.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

jdesey said:


> My ex fiancé has agreed to get back together after a 4 month split. I made lots of mistakes and hurt her very bad. She is adamant that we go slow. Like I'm not moving back in with her right now. I am not a go slow kinda guy. I need advice on what to do to not push to hard to fast. I'm very grateful that she's even willing to Try. Help I need advice.


Need WAY more information


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MarriedDude said:


> Need WAY more information


It's all in his other threads.


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

The post would go forever. Basically I ripped away her security. Made us homeless. Had to cancel two seperate wedding dates. 

What I got to figure out is how to go slow. We were full on very fast when we met 2 years ago. 

So how to I go slow.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Her ex still sniffing around?


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

No. I demanded that be **** down.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Gus is correct. Is she going to go running back to the ex at the first sign of trouble ?

What does she do for a living and how does she contribute towards the security of your finances ? if I screwed up royally financially, my wife makes more than enough to keep us under a roof.


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

Guys that's not the advice I'm looking for I want to know ideas on like how many days per week do I see her? How often do I try to spend the night over with her? Do I do flowers and stuff?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You are only going get advice that people think is good for you. Not what you want to hear.

She's your ex for a reason.
Keep her as an ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I never went back with anyone I broke up with or who cheated on me. Adults do not change much and the reasons for our split are probably still there, so why waste time. If it were not for my way of thinking, I would not have met my wife of 40 years while all our friends and family members are divorced once or more times. If it is this hard just to try, imagine how tough it will be with all the responsibilities and stress of marriage. 

I dated for 6 years and went through a few women that I was with. I saw my wife on a train and we were engaged in three weeks. I just knew she was the one. It felt right and it was easy. I was right.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Vinnydee is right. More times than not, when a relationship has ended, it ended with irreconcilable differences. Chances are those differences will remain irreconcilable no matter how much we compromise. When we have to compromise out of our comfort zone, it usually ends up bad. Don't wait until after you're married to find that out. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment.

A definite deal breaker for me is someone having an affair. Once a person has broken that trust, there will always be doubts in the back of your mind. Personally, I couldn't live with that.

Take it from somebody who has been through it, keep looking. You'll likely live to regret getting back with her. Sooner or later it will come back to bite you in the butt.

After many, many attempts at long-term relationships, I can tell you that when I met my wife there was NO doubt she was THE one I would spend the rest of my life with. I had never had that kind of certainty before her. Life is too short to not be happy. Keep making yourself into a better person, and keep looking for the right person. Chances are she is not it.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I did not read the old threads.

Do not live with her. Date her for TWO YEARS living separately. If all is still well after that time, then get married and move in together. And don't make kids with her until after marriage.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

jdesey said:


> Guys that's not the advice I'm looking for I want to know ideas on like how many days per week do I see her? How often do I try to spend the night over with her? Do I do flowers and stuff?


They're giving you the advice you asked for, you're not hearing it. 

The answer @GusPolinski gave was zero days per week.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I'm with Gus and others here on this one. Looks to me like both of you had so many issues to overcome it might be best to start over with someone else.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

You don't try to sleep over or see her more than once a week or so and definitely NO sexual advances! I'm more worried your rushing is actually neediness. You need to worry about fixing you before ANY relationship, or it will always be a broken relationship because you're broken.

But seriously, if you are really unable to go slow, you shouldn't be in a relationship, otherwise your just pressuring her to fill your needs. Stop thinking about what you need, start respecting her needs.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

always_hopefull said:


> But seriously, if you are really unable to go slow, you shouldn't be in a relationship, otherwise your just pressuring her to fill your needs. *Stop thinking about what you need, start respecting her needs.*


Yikes...no need to pendulum swing.Everyone needs to be able to balance the "We" in a relationship as well as taking care of oneself...

...but that is on a broad level...with regard to the OP, I agree with the majority...this one ended for a reason. That, as well as the fact that your reunion pace is not agreed upon tells me you both are just not compatible.


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## phazari (Jun 5, 2016)

Fap on it and then make your decision with a clear mind.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Please... Not this again.

Do you ever actually TAKE any of the advice you are given? The two of you together are toxic. Whether you move fast or slow, push her too little or too much, is irrelevant. The end result will be the same.

Please move on from this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Old thread. Let it die.


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