# My marriage is unreal...



## Hambo (Jun 4, 2010)

Bear with me i have alot to say...

I moved from OR when i was about 22ish back to CO to live with my dad and get a car a lisence. I got a job, and met the most beautiful girl ever. I found out she had a BF but we still flirted. She lived with his parents. One night my friend Mike invites me to go to some club with people from work. I get to his house and she is there. I was supprised. We became closer after that and the next time we went out we had sex. Soon we were hanging out and she was planning on leaving her BF for me. I was about to move back home to OR and asked her to come with me. She couldnt because of family and such (it was to soon). so i stayed in CO for her. We moved in with my friend Mike. Things are going great. 

Then one night she tells me she has been with 25 other guys! All in colledge. That she tried to kill hereself in colledge because she was an alcholic and made a bad reputation for herself with the guys, (she was used for sex alot). This took me off gaurd. But i loved her and got over it. Then one night im working late and she says shes going to play pool with mike at some bar if i minded. I did mind, mike is a sleeze ball who would sleep with anyone, but i trusted her so i so go ahead. When my shift was about over i texted her. Now she told me to call her when i was on my way, wich was wierd. I raced home to find em both drunk laughing together. Her neck is all red like its been kissed. I am soo pissed. I tell her im tired and wanna go to bed. She tells me go ahead she will be up soon. This pisses me off even more. So i give her the meanest glare ive given and say "We both need to go to bed" So we do. I ask her is she did anything with him, and she cries and turns it around on me and makes me feel like a ass for even thinking she would cheat on me! She asks me if i think shes some kinda ***** or swomething. I feel bad and start to convince myself nothing happend. Later we get married and have our son. We then move to OR

I would get the thoughts of her and my roomate together in bed and get upset. I would be mean to her and she wouldnt know why. Our relationship gets ugly. I cant hold a job, and she starts a new job and starts getting promoted rapidly. I play video games until 2 or 3 am every night. I am not affectionate as i once was. She starts to feel like she isnt enough for me because i want sex alot. Our marriage becomes more like we are just roomates. I only come to her when i want sex. Its nt like i didnt love her i just started to take her for granted. Figured i would be with this lady for the rest of my life, so why spend every waking hour together now. This goes on for a good 3 years. She tries to tell me shes not happy with my but i write it off and promise to change. The change lasts about a week then i revert to my old ways.

We are both unhappy. Her and my older brother flrit alot, even in front of me. When i tell her it makes me feel uncomfy she says theres nothing there and im just bieng silly. Now she hangs out with him a few times. My little bros Bday rolls around and we all go to some bar. There this girl approaches me. No girl approached me before. She is kind to me, compliments me. I am in shock and she talks me into getting in her cab with her. I leave my brothers and his friend to go with this girl. We get back to her place and have sex. My bro's friend calls me and pickjs me up and takes me home. My wife is waiting for me its 3am and all my other brothers were home by 2. I tell her i went to my bros friend to play video games. She buys it. She gives birth t my 2nd kid. She gets moved to a new store and gets a cell phone. She is always texting.... always! A while later i confront her about her texts, how she never leaves her phone out in the open like she used to. How im never allowed to use it, or see it. She says she is talking to some guy, and she has feelings for him. Its her boss's son. I ask her to stop talking to him and i will seriously change. She agree's. Her texts are still alot, but i dont suspect anything. 

One night were talking and i ask her about her and my old roomate mike. She lies again, but this time i keep asking. I have to beat it out of her with questions after questions, and finally she tells me. She said they got drunk and he leaned in to kiss and they were starting to do it but he couldnt get it up.
Few months later its valentines day. We decide since she works late that day we will celebrate it the following day. So she gets hone on Vday and asks to go to a soccer game of her friend. I am suspicious because Vday was always a big thing to her and for her to want to seperate on it was wierd. So i ask to go, and she doesnt want me to. NOw i really suspect something, i have to AGAIN beat it out of her with questions and she finally cofesses. She is going to see that guy she was texting that she told me she quit. His name is Joe. She said she doesnt love me anymore, that i waited to long to change into a more loving husband. Tells me of those years i was cold to her and how hard it was on her and how she blamed herself then this guy came along and it started out as texts and soon they were in love. I ask her if they had sex but she says no, only kissed. I break down and start crying and saying how much i loved her. She cries, and i leave for the night.

The next mourning i dont wanna go hame because i am afriad for it to be over but i go home anyways. She is crying and she tells me she wants to be with me ans was wrong. He had come over when i left and she was crying the whole time. So the next day she meets him and breaks it off. But things are just wierd with us, Awkward uncomfy. We have sex that night and its wierd. In the shower i confront her and said, you had sex with him didnt you, and she tells me yes, twice. At this point i am already feeling guilty because she feels really bad for cheating on me with this guy, and all the while she doesnt know i cheated on her way back. So after she tells me they had sex i was upset and told her about my cheat. She becomes so upset and tells me were done. She starts talking to him again. I told her i wanna be with her and she says she doesnt know what she wants. She asks me to move out.

I move to my moms. The first night is hard because im afraid she will invite him over. The second night i drop her off at home. We have sex. I ask if i can sleep there and she says no, she needs space. I ask her if she is planning on seeing him tonight and she says no. When shes in the shower i go to her phone and theres a text from him that reads "call me if you still want me to come up" Im hurt and pissed and confront her with the text. She gets mad at me for snooping. We have a huge fight i leave to a bar. I call her a hour later to apologize. Then i ask her if he is there, and she says yeah so i race home to meet him. I do and he is some fat pudgy kid. I feel bad for him because i know he loves her. I talk with him, tell him i love my wife. My wife is upset because she didnt want me there.

We decide to go to my pastor for councleing. We become closer with him and gods help i feel. She tells me how empty and alone i made her feel all those years. How she left her family in CO to be with me in OR and how she felt so alone. So when Joe starts texting her and being kind, it was so nice for her, and on thing led to another. I can understand some what, and i apologize for my jerk ways. She starts talking to him less and less. I am still a nervous jelous wreck that creates alot of fights. But we are doing better. One day she becomes pregnant and tells Joe (the other man). He is upset and tells her to get a abortion. And tells her that she should be prepared for a life of heel with me then says goodbye. Our relationship is stronger. We have the occational fight about me looking threw her phone. So she starts leaving it out, or leaving it with me when she goes to work. 3 month later. I am still think that somethingt happend between her and my older brother a long time ago. It upsets me and i try to forget it but i cant. So last night we have an arguement. In the past i have asked her several times if she did anything with my brother and she says no, and gets mad at me for even asking. But last night i was determinded to get the truth. And for the third time i have to harass and keep asking her for the truth and she FINALLY comes clean. First she tells me he only when down on her. But i know its bs so then she tells me he he started out, in her then goes down on her. He sees a picture of his son then goes up stairs to get a condom. When he comes back he cant get it up. So he goes down on her then gives up. I am so hurt, and she is crying, and mad at me for making her tell. 

Now its today.... i called my brother to tell him to never speak to me or my wife again. He denys it even though he knows i know. I threaten to tell his wife if he speaks to me or my wife again. I look back at all of this. How crazy it has been. Since she stopped seeing Joe out marriage has been excellent. I love spending time with her, and dont feel the need for video games and junk. But now after last night it feels like were back at square one. I know i was a bastard for those years... and i kinda chalk the insident with my brother up to me neglecting her for all that time. He was a manipulative ass. I dont think she will cheat again. I dont think i wanna leave her either. I do think something happend to her as a kid. Her mom was a drugg addict for a short period of a time and kinda physically abusive. But she says she doesnt think she was ever touched. 

Anyways, i guess i just needed to vent all of that. Besides my paster i havent told anyione because its imberrasing for me and her. Do you think i should leave?


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

You both have made serious missteps in your marriage. You are both now taking steps to put that behind you and move forward.

I think you both need to come to terms with the fact that when you are not attentive to each other, your temptation is very high to stray...due to this, there will be trust issues on both sides if you become distant.

If you both are able to forgive and put the past behind you, there is hope. I like that you are seeing a pastor together, you definitely need outside help!


----------



## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

You should not leave her. Look at all the difficult times you two went through and you are still together. There must have been some great times too. More great days to come. Try reading His Needs, Her Needs. Do you still need to change? You need some practice. Don't lose her to more stupid behavior.


----------

