# Can I up and leave my wife high and dry?



## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

I have another thread here about whether I should be snooping or not. Well I just got onto her computer tonight and it was as bad as I could have imagined. My 41 year old wife is sexting and sending him pictures of her tits and ***** and has done this with at least 2 guys since xmas. I want to walk out on her now! She will not make rent and will get kicked out. She has a 15 year old but she has family to go to. What do I do? I knew this was coming. I came to this site 2 years ago because my sex life with my wife was terrible. We have not had sex since Oct but she sends pictures to a 20 year old boy. She has a son older that this. My life has been a compete ****ing lie and I suspect this is what has been interfering with our marriage all along. I sat in her computer chair fighting myself whether I should do it or not. Then I noticed the picture near her desk of us in Mexico face down...


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Tell her you both know there's something she should be telling you, and now's her chance. It's been months since you connected sexually. Been there. Means things are not right, and probably ending soon (sorry). You need to get yourself in a place where her well being is not your concern...she has detached, you should start doing the same for your own good. Her kid...make sure support is there as needed, but your wife is in lala land. If she gives you nothing about what's been going on, tell her to leave...you said she has family to go to. Now's the time. Anything you can think of that's caused the distancing between you two besides her penchant for sexting with post-adolescent douche-rockets?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I agree with the above. Speak with her and allow her to come clean. If not, the next time she is out of the house collect her things together and leave them on the front for her to collect. If you have no interest in speaking with her, jump straight to the last bit. Throw her out. Why should you leave? Oh, and change the locks.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

There are only two questions and they are entirely yours to answer: Do YOU want to continue this marriage and do you think SHE will work on fixing this marriage?

Both of them have to be yes. Otherwise, Lowe's sells contractor bags and lock sets quite cheaply. Clean out the bank accounts before she can and lock up your credit cards. She will get some of that money, but let the courts decide how much.

I haven't read your other thread but it seems like things are hardly rosy at your house. So I would go to 'no'.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Yes you can.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

I think this is the thing that has stopped us from having any sort of normal married relationship. She has lost her mind. She has went on a stress leave and has done nothing but play guild wars 2. She has not done her laundry in almost a month. She is overweight and I am blown away that she would take pictures of her privates. I have not been anywhere near them in a long time yet she is texting pics of them to young kids. She told me on Sunday that if I left she would end up in a mental hospital. There was even a couple pictures of a chick so I dont know wtf is going on. She has been the biggest prude since I met her. Like I mean totally shy about every thing. She was sexually abused as a child so I figured that we would have to work through it. She even said getting married would allow her to let her guard down and be more open sexually. Never happened.

She has even talked to him about coming here. He actually was talking about telling his mom he was moving to Canada (he is in the USA) and she texted him some stuff from the government Canada wbsite about immigration. This was a month ago. A few weeks before that it was some other little punk but she had deleted the texts but not the pics. This was all while she was thanking me for giving her this time to get through what she called some mental problems. He is 20 and she has a 15 year old! How do you live with someone for 7 years and have no idea what the **** is going on?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Why are you still there?


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

She's a fat, lazy nutjob with serious sexual issues. 

Ask yourself again why are you still with her? Is she REALLY the best woman you could ever find?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Get out....as fast as you can. Its not your responsibility to fix her. All you need to do is get healthy and happy. For that to happen its not with this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

peon said:


> I think this is the thing that has stopped us from having any sort of normal married relationship. She has lost her mind. She has went on a stress leave and has done nothing but play guild wars 2. She has not done her laundry in almost a month. She is overweight and I am blown away that she would take pictures of her privates. I have not been anywhere near them in a long time yet she is texting pics of them to young kids. She told me on Sunday that if I left she would end up in a mental hospital. There was even a couple pictures of a chick so I dont know wtf is going on. She has been the biggest prude since I met her. Like I mean totally shy about every thing. She was sexually abused as a child so I figured that we would have to work through it. She even said getting married would allow her to let her guard down and be more open sexually. Never happened.
> 
> She has even talked to him about coming here. He actually was talking about telling his mom he was moving to Canada (he is in the USA) and she texted him some stuff from the government Canada wbsite about immigration. This was a month ago. A few weeks before that it was some other little punk but she had deleted the texts but not the pics. This was all while she was thanking me for giving her this time to get through what she called some mental problems. He is 20 and she has a 15 year old! How do you live with someone for 7 years and have no idea what the **** is going on?



(An alternative to bagging the marriage.)

This is not unsalvageable. You need to confront in a way that she thinks you know it all already and you won't reveal, you want her to tell you. 
Tell her if she lies you will know and she will be out on her ass and you will tell everyone she knows, exactly what happened.

She is caught up in addictive behavior because of mental problems/depression that can be fixed with effort.

Disconnect the Internet after you get this all out.

Make sure she has a stupid phone not a smart phone.

This will be like quitting heroin. You will need to watch her like a hawk.

If this is all there is you can fix it. As long as you can get past it someday.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

this post will probably sound a lot more harsh than I intended. You said you came to this site 2 years ago with an issue. So that means that this issue was going on even before you found tam. Now you find she is sexting and sending pictures too young man. You've already said she doesn't do anything around the house and she is overweight. She also does not have sex 
ith yo supposedly because she has issues. You are a doormat or what we use to call a milk toast. If you don't have the backbone to
stand up to her and force her to stop this behavior why should she respect you? In her mind she probably does not believe you value her at all. She probably thinks you don't appreciate her as a wife a woman or a person because you're allowing this behavior to continue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why was the photo face down? Because she feels guilt over what she is doing. Confront and expose. And get counselling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

OK for the record I recorded 15 minutes of her talking to some guy on valentines day and there was alot in it that was not appropriate for a married woman to be doing but it was not sexual except for one weird comment. I did not know her password for her pc and I was trying to find a way around it without her knowing if I was wrong. I found it today its called konusb. Little file that you boot from a usb stick and it magically removes the password and when you reboot its back. She has been sleeping on the couch downstairs beside her pc since the middle of december and I have patiently had to wait so I could get onto it. She decided to sleep in the bedroom. 

She had 2 iphone backups and as soon as I opened up her text attachments it was all ****s! My worst fears. But no real proof until tonight.

And no I don't want to fix this. I have been trying for 5 years. We went to councelling and she fought it all the way even though it was her idea to go. It's been a nightmare and I can now leave with a clear conscience. Her son is a real piece of work POS and my biggest fear was that the apple did not fall far from the tree. She is going to crash and burn tho. She has not prepared for anything. It;s payday today (Thursday) and she was not sure if she was getting anything or not. She had $23 deposited this morning. She obviously thinks I'm going to be here to support her. How ****ed up is that?


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

The photo...I sat down at her pc and was really fighting with myself whether to go on it or not. And I looked over and seen it face down and knew I was right. I feel sorry for her. She must be very messed up. But if we tried to make it work how would I keep her of the internet? It would be impossible and I lost all respect for her. I am not looking for someone who send pictures of their genitals to total ****ing strangers. its gross. And no I am sure I deserve all the harsh comments that come my way. i knew somthing was up 2 years ago and I took the blame for it instead of finding out what it was.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You can't leave her high and dry. Do what is fair. 

My ex h had several affairs. He's pretty much a low life loser and it was a huge mistake marrying him.:/. When I left, I was more then fair. I asked very minimal in child support which screwed me in the end. I left everything I pretty much owned behind. I took my clothes and the new baby I just had. I'm not a revengeful type of person. 

Leaving was the best thing I ever did. 19 years have passed and he's still cheating. I also waiting until I had solid proof before I left, but it wasn't too difficult to get it. This was before Internet and cell phones were popular. My ex h of course blamed everything on me saying it was my fault he cheated. Of course I knew better.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

Did she do what was fair? I have been sitting here for over 3 months while she has a "mental breakdown". She told she doesn't know whats wrong and needs the time to figure it out. I have done nothing wrong. I married someone I thought I could make whole. Between the 2 guys she was telling me she loved me!


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

peon said:


> OK for the record I recorded 15 minutes of her talking to some guy on valentines day and there was alot in it that was not appropriate for a married woman to be doing but it was not sexual except for one weird comment. I did not know her password for her pc and I was trying to find a way around it without her knowing if I was wrong. I found it today its called konusb. Little file that you boot from a usb stick and it magically removes the password and when you reboot its back. She has been sleeping on the couch downstairs beside her pc since the middle of december and I have patiently had to wait so I could get onto it. She decided to sleep in the bedroom.
> 
> She had 2 iphone backups and as soon as I opened up her text attachments it was all ****s! My worst fears. But no real proof until tonight.
> 
> And no I don't want to fix this. I have been trying for 5 years. We went to councelling and she fought it all the way even though it was her idea to go. It's been a nightmare and I can now leave with a clear conscience. Her son is a real piece of work POS and my biggest fear was that the apple did not fall far from the tree. She is going to crash and burn tho. She has not prepared for anything. It;s payday today (Thursday) and she was not sure if she was getting anything or not. She had $23 deposited this morning. She obviously thinks I'm going to be here to support her. How ****ed up is that?


Enough said. This in infidelity so you haves right to pack her stuff and kick her out. That was your initial question, right? 
Can I up and leave her? For this ...yes.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I also suggest you send a full on photo of her, you can block or crop off her face, to the 20 yr old guy.

When he sees her hell be running for the hills.

Bonus points if you can cc his mom cause it sounds like he lives at home.

But yeah, get out and file. You've talked to her now for years, tried counseling, trued everything and her response is to turn over the photo of the two of you o she can sent close ups of her body parts to some kid in another country.

Offer to drop her at a mental hospital on your way out.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I was in your other thread Peon. "Glad" you got your smoking gun.
"her son?" not your son?


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

Nope I don't have any kids. He is in his 20's also. He robbed us blind. Never showed any remorse. And thanks everyone it's nice to vent to people who understand 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

peon said:


> Nope I don't have any kids. He is in his 20's also. He robbed us blind. Never showed any remorse. And thanks everyone it's nice to vent to people who understand
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then WTF?

Seriously, do think this is the only woman you could ever have? 

Here's a bit of reality friend: there are a lot of good, single women looking for a decent guy like yourself. Why are you wasting your life on this cow?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Dude leave. I hate to sound harsh but I'm starting to not get some of the BS here who just seem to be gluttons for punishment and being treated like **** by their spouse. Moreso for the men. This is where the co-dependency I mentioned the other day really seems to apply. You haven't given ONE reason why you should stick around and stay in this "marriage" yet you're still in it. Your wife treats you like garbage, is cheating on you, the 15 year old daughter who isn't yours I believe is also the one who covers for her mom's cheating and doesn't seem to respect you much either and you're debating whether you should just up and leave?? File for divorce and be done with it. What is it that is still keeping you around??


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

saying things like she will end up in a mental ward are merely passive aggressive guilt trips to prevent you from leaving.

even if she goes into a the psyche ward at least she will be taken care of, she's not your responsibility anymore


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Sounds like she just married you to help finance the raising of her children until they are out of the house. Just what does she bring to your marriage? and to you???:scratchhead:

Get Out!! Get a lawyer and know your rights and the cost of divorce....only 7 years should be easier than most!!!


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

peon said:


> OK for the record I recorded 15 minutes of her talking to some guy on valentines day and there was alot in it that was not appropriate for a married woman to be doing but it was not sexual except for one weird comment. I did not know her password for her pc and I was trying to find a way around it without her knowing if I was wrong. I found it today its called konusb. Little file that you boot from a usb stick and it magically removes the password and when you reboot its back. She has been sleeping on the couch downstairs beside her pc since the middle of december and I have patiently had to wait so I could get onto it. She decided to sleep in the bedroom.
> 
> She had 2 iphone backups and as soon as I opened up her text attachments it was all ****s! My worst fears. But no real proof until tonight.
> 
> And no I don't want to fix this. I have been trying for 5 years. We went to councelling and she fought it all the way even though it was her idea to go. It's been a nightmare and I can now leave with a clear conscience. Her son is a real piece of work POS and my biggest fear was that the apple did not fall far from the tree. She is going to crash and burn tho. She has not prepared for anything. It;s payday today (Thursday) and she was not sure if she was getting anything or not. She had $23 deposited this morning. She obviously thinks I'm going to be here to support her. How ****ed up is that?


Then kick her out. Its probably the kindest thing you could do for her.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i agree with everyone here dude RUN like he** and dont look back. showed my wife this thread and she said the same. dont wait do it now if not sooner.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

bfree said:


> Then kick her out. Its probably the kindest thing you could do for her.


Oh and after you give her the heave HO change your user name to notapeon.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

First, Talk to an attorney. 

You will more than likely not be able to kick her out. Don't change the locks. It is her place as well as yours and she will be able to get back in and you would have spent money on something that will only give you temporary pleasure.

Detach. Disengage. Speak only about finances and keep this minimal. 

Don't discuss your plans. 

Practise being nice. 

You have your proof. I would get the hard evidence. Record it, print it our whatever. Do not share it with her.

Get a good picture of all your accounts, paystubs, and debts and assets. You will need this for the attorney.

Practise that you are no longer married to this woman.

The attorney should be able to guide you on who will leave.

Typically and unfortunately the court will determine what is fair. 

I am in a no-fault state but I could go fault for what my WS did. But that is messier and costs a lot more.

Focus on you. Believe me it is easier said then done. 

Don't beat yourself up, it is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Divorce. ASAP.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

Well that went well. I confronted her. She knew I had been on her pc. I told her what i knew. She swore that she had just started this in the last few weeks. I told her the evidence said otherwise. She started screaming at me at the top of her lungs to stop talking to her. I left for the afternoon and went to a relatives. I am back now. She wants me to jump up and get seperation papers going. I told her to **** off. Now Im back in my prison. At least I know now that this abortion of a marriage is over and now I am having trouble seeing where to go from here. I have 2 weeks to decide what I am going to do and I don't see the future any clearer than when I came back to this site. I feel like curling up in a ball.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

peon said:


> Well that went well. I confronted her. She knew I had been on her pc. I told her what i knew. She swore that she had just started this in the last few weeks. I told her the evidence said otherwise. She started screaming at me at the top of her lungs to stop talking to her. I left for the afternoon and went to a relatives. I am back now. She wants me to jump up and get seperation papers going. I told her to **** off. Now Im back in my prison. At least I know now that this abortion of a marriage is over and now I am having trouble seeing where to go from here. I have 2 weeks to decide what I am going to do and I don't see the future any clearer than when I came back to this site. I feel like curling up in a ball.


Hang in there peon, you're partway there. You'll be free of her before long. 
Can you go stay with a relative?
You need to not be in this toxic situation. 
Don't worry about separation papers, just go right forward with papers for a divorce.

You've done we'll, don't lose heart.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

sorry to hear that. Stay strong and stay on course for your own mental and emotional well-being. She's not sorry and going on the attack. Sounds like a crazy B. The sooner you get out the sooner you will start to feel like a huge weight is off your shoulders.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Peon read the whole thread top link in my signature. You are not there yet but you will get there.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

You say the 15 year old is "her" child?
Then you have no obligation in supporting him or your soon to be ex wife.
Walk away and try to choose better the next time.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

Thanks Weightlifter will read through it. And you guys were right in my other thread. You warned my about having to get proof and I HAD to see it. Now I wish I could unsee it. I really feel for anyone who has had to see the one they love in someone elses hands. Hehe and how do i pick better next time? And none of her childern are mine and I have none myself. And you know she just keeps on going like nothing has happened. Like another day at the office.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

File for divorce not separation. Start separating your finances now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lurking No More (Oct 20, 2012)

If you are leaving start packing NOW so you get all your belongings before her sons sell them all. Start with important papers ,possibly move them to close friend or relatives house. I feel for you man .


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

dogman said:


> Enough said. This in infidelity so you haves right to pack her stuff and kick her out. That was your initial question, right?
> Can I up and leave her? For this ...yes.


No, he has no legal right to pack her stuff and kick her out because she is guilty of infidelity nor can he just "iup and leave her high and dry". 

It sounds all nice and has a ring of poetic justice when you write it all out like that but in the real word the laws don't work that way.

A marriage is a legal binding contract and it cannot be arbitrarily broken by one of the parties just because they've been deceived.

Married parties need to go through the proper channels to terminate their legal bond, like it or not.

Which is why, I am a staunch adversary to the institution of marriage. It's a sham, it accomplishes nothing that you can't get without it except maybe health insurance, and it makes it impossible to just "up and leave".


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Remains said:


> I agree with the above. Speak with her and allow her to come clean. If not, the next time she is out of the house collect her things together and leave them on the front for her to collect. If you have no interest in speaking with her, jump straight to the last bit. Throw her out. Why should you leave? Oh, and change the locks.


Wow,40 something yr old texting a males thats her kids age.
She is not only mentally sick,but shes a serial cheater and liar.
The only way she will ever change is to loose her 2nd choice,
and i'm sorry thats you.Sorry,shes giving her body and mind to other males.No one deserves this deceit.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

I paid the rent. I am now as broke as she is. That and she didnt get paid has really screwed me. She doesnt even seem to care. It's weird. I thought it would be just for fun bs but she talks to him like they are going to be together. How does somebody give up reality for texting and stop caring about bills, laundry, work, her kids? A husband that you have always been able to count on and has been there for you and you destroy him for some dirty text messages and a picture of his ****? Telling him that I have been gone awhile and that I would help with bills for a few months. How she doesn't sleep in our bed anymore because she thinks its disgusting and in reality I am in it that's why she is not sleeping in it. And it was a different guy in January. And every time I close my eyes I see the pictures of my wifes breasts. Or her in the tub. This is ****ing horrible!


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Why do you prolong the agony? It's over man, accept it, embrace it. Rent your own damn place, she has made her choices, let her experience the consequences.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dude file D and go on with your life.

Read the whole thread I told you to and picture yourself there in a month or four. Do nothing with other women until after you file.

Random poon is superglue for your crushed ego.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

File for divorce asap before she runs up credit debt under your name.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

peon said:


> Thanks Weightlifter will read through it. And you guys were right in my other thread. You warned my about having to get proof and I HAD to see it. Now I wish I could unsee it. I really feel for anyone who has had to see the one they love in someone elses hands. Hehe and how do i pick better next time? And none of her childern are mine and I have none myself. And you know she just keeps on going like nothing has happened. Like another day at the office.


Who pays the bills in the house. You might have said whether she works or not but I dont remember. If you are paying for stuff cut her damn internet off!


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Ok you keep saying texting, so if the phone is in your name cut it off. Make her have to go get her own phone in her name. With no money that wont last long.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Heck, Mrs. bfree occasionally threatens to turn off the router when I've been on TAM too long. She certainly wouldn't let me carry on an affair over the 'net. Not that I ever would of course.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Close the bakery friend.
Cut off the phone and internet. For good.
Move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Peon,

Why are you still living with her?

Is your name on the lease so that you are responsible for it? If so when is the lease up?

You need to get away from her because it's harder for you to find the clarity of mind until you are away from her. 

She said she wanted you to start the separation papers. Why don't you do that? It sounds like you were opposed to doing this.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

peon said:


> Did she do what was fair? I have been sitting here for over 3 months while she has a "mental breakdown". She told she doesn't know whats wrong and needs the time to figure it out. I have done nothing wrong. I married someone I thought I could make whole. Between the 2 guys she was telling me she loved me!


My STBXH was making future plans for us and telling me how much he loved me, up until the moment I confronted him. I am not saying she doesn't love you, but her actions indicate you are not a priority. You are right you haven't done anything wrong. She is responsible for her choices, not you. Don't be her second choice. If she wants "time" to figure things out say "bye Felicia" and let her go. Don't worry about her well being. She should've thought about that before she showed her money makers to someone else. Let one of her "soulmate OM" finance her life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Clegane (Oct 29, 2012)

Peon, if you can leave her high and dry without legal consequences, then yes, do so. 

She clearly has no respect or love for you. She is not the mother of your children. You owe her nothing. Let her rely on someone else.

Also, good job with bypassing the password. I just tried that myself and it works. An other one in the bag of tricks.


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## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

Yep, get rid of her and move on. Start a fresh without that garbage in your life.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Peon, people dump and move on daily, do yes you can.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

WHY are you with a female that plays "Guild Wars?"


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Peon,

I saw your first thread.

I'm sorry man.

This is hard but you have to leave.
You have nothing holding you there, not a single reason to stay and a thousand reasons to leave.

I want to yell at you for paying rent but I can understand not knowing what to do and the timing sucks and your heads spinning.

Is there a friend or family you can crash with until you can get some cash together?

There's just poison for you there now.

Get out if you can.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

The biggest thing for me right now is how much she doesn't care. She told me she would we tell me everything. I said how many times? She said just once. I gave her the name and phone number of ********* #2. She said ok only twice. Its pathetic. I'm going to tell everyone that knows her what a bag of **** she is. Do I tell her 15 year old daughter? And living under the same roof is killing me. I hate her. Yet I keep digging for some signs of remorse and she won't give me that either.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Peon, this is your get out of jail free card. You should be happy she is now in the light. Everything you doubted within your instinct, your soul, is now revealed. Keep following that feeling. Up and leave, sure why not?

If she ends up in a mental hospital that is not your problem, if she ends up moving back to her parents, that is not your problem.

You are in control of your own life as is she! You only have one SHORT LIFE, use your time WISELY! You should have a sense of bitter sweet happiness to have had enough evidence to give you courage to leave!

EDIT: she is not even primed to even ENTERTAIN the idea of reconciliation.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Peon, this is your get out of jail free card. You should be happy she is now in the light. Everything you doubted within your instinct, your soul, is now revealed. Keep following that feeling. Up and leave, sure why not?
> 
> If she ends up in a mental hospital that is not your problem, if she ends up moving back to her parents, that is not your problem.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

You need to do precisely what you want to do... which is walk out on her NOW. 

She won't make rent? GOOD. She made her choices, and should live with the consequence of it. You need to protect yourself from this person ASAP. Respect yourself and take care of yourself. You can't expect her to if you don't.



peon said:


> Well I just got onto her computer tonight and it was as bad as I could have imagined. My 41 year old wife is sexting and sending him pictures of her tits and ***** and has done this with at least 2 guys since xmas. I want to walk out on her now! She will not make rent and will get kicked out. She has a 15 year old but she has family to go to. What do I do?(


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

door


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

peon said:


> I paid the rent. I am now as broke as she is. That and she didnt get paid has really screwed me.


You are screwing yourself at this point.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Walk. Leave her.


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

This "konusb" software...does it work on all windows versions? Macs? Ipads?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

Works on all windows versions, I can vouche for it working on windows 7. Not sure about mac. You boot from it and then it loads windows normally. Then the pc will take any password or none at all until your reboot.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

Can someone explain to me why someone would do this to another person. Would withhold intimacy from some one who has signed on the dotted line that they would have and to hold for as long as they both shall live? Yet give it freely to ****ing strangers on the internet? I am unable to process this.:scratchhead:


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

peon said:


> Can someone explain to me why someone would do this to another person. Would withhold intimacy from some one who has signed on the dotted line that they would have and to hold for as long as they both shall live? Yet give it freely to ****ing strangers on the internet? I am unable to process this.:scratchhead:


Will someone explain to the OP that figuring cheaters out is a useless and time consuming task that won't give him any satisfaction.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

peon said:


> Can someone explain to me why someone would do this to another person. Would withhold intimacy from some one who has signed on the dotted line that they would have and to hold for as long as they both shall live? Yet give it freely to ****ing strangers on the internet? I am unable to process this.:scratchhead:


That's the million dollar question. It's up there with "who killed Kennedy?", "where is Jimmy Hoffa buried?" & "who created life?". Trying to understand and figure this one out is useless and will only drive you crazy. File for divorce, get tested for stds and regain your self respect. She has been playing you and isn't the woman you thought she was. Don't worry about how she will make it on her own. Not your problem! My STBXH tells me stupid stuff like that. He has enough money to buy snowboards & $3,000 bicycles...but he cannot afford to pay AT&T the money he owes to get his own phone plan...it's in the divorce decree, to pay to terminate his contract or transfer it to his own name. That is not my problem! So grow a backbone and tell her to have one of her f*** buddies to take care of her...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

peon said:


> Can someone explain to me why someone would do this to another person. Would withhold intimacy from some one who has signed on the dotted line that they would have and to hold for as long as they both shall live? Yet give it freely to ****ing strangers on the internet? I am unable to process this.:scratchhead:


You have to forget about understanding and just accept it. There are serial killers, con men, and sociopaths of every stripe that have no conscience about what they are doing. 

They do not think like us. So of course you don't "get" it. They are more like machines than people. What you have to do is focus on yourself. Extracting yourself from harm's way and healing. Every ounce of effort trying to get them to "see" what they are doing is wrong is wasted. You will never get satisfaction in terms of remorse or apology unless they have some manipulative reason for deceiving you.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

peon said:


> Can someone explain to me why someone would do this to another person. Would withhold intimacy from some one who has signed on the dotted line that they would have and to hold for as long as they both shall live? Yet give it freely to ****ing strangers on the internet? I am unable to process this.:scratchhead:


My WH did that. Left me alone and had lots of fun of the net. I guess its easier for them somehow. Its kinda sad really. And embarrassing. But I know how it feels. You just have to remember that you can choose a better way. I've got to find a higher road. And go there. 

Don't let yourself live in the muck. And don't tell her daughter. I told my daughter, who'ss 22, and I regret it.

Now its all come to an ugly head. Don't let it happen if you can help it. Keep your dignity.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

peon said:


> The biggest thing for me right now is how much she doesn't care. She told me she would we tell me everything. I said how many times? She said just once. I gave her the name and phone number of ********* #2. She said ok only twice. Its pathetic. I'm going to tell everyone that knows her what a bag of **** she is. Do I tell her 15 year old daughter? And living under the same roof is killing me. I hate her. Yet I keep digging for some signs of remorse and she won't give me that either.


I am highly against bringing children in adult matters. They do not fully understand what is really going on. 

I was beyond furious when my ex h confided in my(unfortunately our) child. He told my child at 14 that he had 3 affairs on his current wife. I confronted his wife, then she blamed ME for trying to ruin their marriage. I wasn't ruining their marriage, I was trying to protect my child. After that my ex h stopped visitation and has nothing to do with his first born. It's quite sad. My first born is 19 and still doesn't fully understand relationships. I thank God everyday for my current husband and how he took in my child as his own.

I would file ASAP and don't let her know. What you do is not her business any longer. She made her choices and betrayed you in a big way.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Don't worry about her at all. She has already proven she is selfish. She will find a way to get her needs taken care of. She considers herself to be all that is important. File away and be done.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

peon said:


> Can someone explain to me why someone would do this to another person. Would withhold intimacy from some one who has signed on the dotted line that they would have and to hold for as long as they both shall live? Yet give it freely to ****ing strangers on the internet? I am unable to process this.:scratchhead:


You will never be able to process that. It just is peon. Get the F**k out dude. Ele is right you need it for clarity. So sorry you are in this situation.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> Will someone explain to the OP that figuring cheaters out is a useless and time consuming task that won't give him any satisfaction.


They cannot explain it themselves, so how can the BS ever hope ot?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

I think it's better that the cheater tell their children about the reason the family is dissolving. My ex explained it to her two children and even told them she wasn't certain who their fathers were. Whatever she told them, they both have moved on and haven't spoken to me since nor to their mother of late. (or so I hear)


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

My 1st failed M resulted in a 12 year old son. I have no doubts he will sooner-than-later ask why mom & dad aren't married any longer. I will gladly show him the divorce decree which clearly shows a case of divorce and paternity. I'd rather he know why I divorced and that it's not his fault.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

So I just heard back from someone we used to play another mmo with about a year ago and, although he didn't admit to cybering with her (and after you think about it for a second who would?) he said that she was plenty flirty and needy with everyone when I was not around. And that she told these guys very intimate aspects of our marriage and liked to blame me for everything. She told him she had a one year plan to leave me. Does that make me a cuckold? 

And he said I would be better off with someone with "traditional values" like I have. Thats an odd thing to say isn't it? So I have proof that she has been at this at least a year. Some of you may say that this is doing me no good but I think it is. It is easier to throw away the last 7 years when you find out they were a lie to begin with.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> My 1st failed M resulted in a 12 year old son. I have no doubts he will sooner-than-later ask why mom & dad aren't married any longer. I will gladly show him the divorce decree which clearly shows a case of divorce and paternity. I'd rather he know why I divorced and that it's not his fault.


How does showing him your divorce papers explain to him why you divorced? Why would you naturally think that if he asks why mom and dad got divorced that he would need assurance that it wasn't his fault? How does showing him your divorce decree provide any guarantee that you are his father?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

peon said:


> She told him she had a one year plan to leave me. Does that make me a cuckold?


The fact that your woman is fooling around with other men makes you a cuckold.
Staying and knowingly allowing it is your acceptance of the position.



> And he said I would be better off with someone with "traditional values" like I have. Thats an odd thing to say isn't it? So I have proof that she has been at this at least a year. Some of you may say that this is doing me no good but I think it is. It is easier to throw away the last 7 years when you find out they were a lie to begin with.


Get out.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

tacoma said:


> Get out.


As soon as I am able I am. She told me that because my name is on the lease I am responsible for it. Her name is on it too. She wants me to stay at least until the end of the month. And no I am not going to. I am going to leave as soon as I can. I'm not going to tell her.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Peon, it sounds like she has established quite a reputation. I think it's great she referred to you as "having traditional values". That is sooooooooooooooooooo much better than have none, like she does. The more evidence you gather, should be helping you to move forward, not backwards.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

OK I was wrong. This just pulled the scab off and now I have to start over again. I hate my life.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

peon said:


> OK I was wrong. This just pulled the scab off and now I have to start over again. I hate my life.



better analogy-this is taking off the dirty infected dressing off your wound and giving yourself the chance to heal properly


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

peon said:


> OK I was wrong. This just pulled the scab off and now I have to start over again. I hate my life.


Be strong dude. Hakuna Matata. It'll be over soon enough.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

peon said:


> OK I was wrong. This just pulled the scab off and now I have to start over again. I hate my life.


It gets better. You'll hurt and be angry for a few months, but a year or so down the road you will be loving life without all this dead weight you've been carrying around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

My wife did the exact same thing, except she added a hotel room to the mix. 

Are you certain it could not have gone physical? My wife ended up having sex with someone a few states away (he drove to see her)

Seeing your thread really takes me back, but it does GET BETTER. Things will be crazy for a few weeks, expect it. 

It WILL get better.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

Anything is possible now. It's been happening for at least 2 years. I was not really keeping track of her as I work long days and trusted her. I would assume that if one of them were local why would she not see him. That's part of what is killing me right now. Was she doing this while we went on our belated honeymoon at the end of 2011? She was telling a guy she was leaving me 2 months later. And the people I played with knew what my wife was doing and must have thought I was the biggest loser. I am not having a good day. It's like she died yet someone that looks just like her took her place. The woman I married does not exist and probably never did. I am so lost right now and I have only you people to talk to. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

peon said:


> Anything is possible now. It's been happening for at least 2 years. I was not really keeping track of her as I work long days and trusted her. I would assume that if one of them were local why would she not see him. That's part of what is killing me right now. Was she doing this while we went on our belated honeymoon at the end of 2011? She was telling a guy she was leaving me 2 months later. And the people I played with knew what my wife was doing and must have thought I was the biggest loser. I am not having a good day. It's like she died yet someone that looks just like her took her place. The woman I married does not exist and probably never did. I am so lost right now and I have only you people to talk to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Finding out friends knew the entire time is always hard. **** those people. 

You're right, she never existed. 

Things will get better. She'll get what's coming to her, and in a much more positive way so will you. Find something that makes you happy and throw yourself into it.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Focus your emotion, and use it to make your situation better. Separate your finances, cancel any means she had of incurring debt. Stop paying for anything for her. Find out about getting out of the lease. If you can't do that, then see if you can switch to a one bedroom, or a bachelor and move without her. Go to the gym, or for a run or a walk.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

tacoma said:


> The fact that your woman is fooling around with other men makes you a cuckold.
> Staying and knowingly allowing it is your acceptance of the position.
> 
> 
> ...


Actually a cuckold is when you raise another mans child thinking it is your own.

When a husband allows/tolerates his wife to fool around with other men would make him a wittol.

They're both bad options for you peon, remove yourself from that equation if she doesn't fix everything in one go. She needs to decide whether she wants to fight for you in the next 10 seconds after you ask her and show through actions. Otherwise, you're still on your way out.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

peon said:


> Anything is possible now. It's been happening for at least 2 years. I was not really keeping track of her as I work long days and trusted her. I would assume that if one of them were local why would she not see him. That's part of what is killing me right now. Was she doing this while we went on our belated honeymoon at the end of 2011? She was telling a guy she was leaving me 2 months later. And the people I played with knew what my wife was doing and must have thought I was the biggest loser. I am not having a good day. It's like she died yet someone that looks just like her took her place. The woman I married does not exist and probably never did. I am so lost right now and I have only you people to talk to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im sorry you are here Peon...many can feel your pain. Keep your head high...good days are coming!


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Actually a cuckold is when you raise another mans child thinking it is your own.
> 
> When a husband allows/tolerates his wife to fool around with other men would make him a wittol.
> 
> They're both bad options for you peon, remove yourself from that equation if she doesn't fix everything in one go. She needs to decide whether she wants to fight for you in the next 10 seconds after you ask her and show through actions. Otherwise, you're still on your way out.


This is the worst part of this for me. She is relieved that I know about it and wants a divorce. She doesn't care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

peon said:


> This is the worst part of this for me. She is relieved that I know about it and wants a divorce. She doesn't care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She never did.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

peon said:


> This is the worst part of this for me. She is relieved that I know about it and wants a divorce. She doesn't care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What are you doing about it?


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

SadandAngry said:


> What are you doing about it?


Im going to leave. Unfortunately she has not planned this out or has done a very ****ty job of it. I want my wife back. The one I thought I had. She is dead and I feel terrible about it. I am mourning the loss of my wife and best friend. Do I want her to beg me to take her back? **** ya! But in the end I cannot be with a cheater. I have had four relationships in my life. Two were when I was younger, late teens and early twenties. Both cheated on me, the second one moved in with my childhood best friend. I moved away and spent 9 years single. Then I was with a girl who would not stop going to see her ex boyfiend that she slept with until the day we met. And after I am sure. She would not give him up as a friend. We even weht and saw a councillor and he said "uh no you cant expect your new boyfried to be ok with you spending the night at you old boyfriends." So we split up and I met my wife a few months later. We have not been apart since we met. And I really can't see myself opening up to let someone do this to me again.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'll suggest you read Married Mans Sex Life until you quote it in your sleep before you date again.

You keep picking tramps to date. If you keep going back to the same pond with the same bait you are gonna catch the same bottom feeders.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

peon said:


> This is the worst part of this for me. She is relieved that I know about it and wants a divorce. She doesn't care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then you know what to do.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Peon not only should you ditch your wife fast but also these so called friends that knew it but didn't give you the heads up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

No I see that I need to do some (a lot) of work on myself before I try this again. I stayed in this relationship long after I should have left. I would keep trying until the cows come home and obviously all that is getting me is used and taken advantage of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

You need IC. You also need to read No More Mr.Nice Guy. Until u fix yourself you can date a saint and she'll eventually mistreat you. It's human nature. People treat you the way you allow them to.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

illwill said:


> You need IC. You also need to read No More Mr.Nice Guy. Until u fix yourself you can date a saint and she'll eventually mistreat you. It's human nature. People treat you the way you allow them to.


Is that really true?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DrLoveGuru (Mar 5, 2013)

Why haven't you left that cheating s l u t yet are you that stupid!? and why would you care what happens to her after you leave, it would be ALL HER fault that you left anyway so tough s h i t on her! S L U T S get what they deserve!


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

peon said:


> Is that really true?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To a very large degree, yes.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

peon said:


> This is the worst part of this for me. She is relieved that I know about it and wants a divorce. She doesn't care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but according to other members in Canada, if she admits to adultery/infidelity, and you file under that, then the 1 year waiting period is waived. 

She's overweight, lazy, and filthy (hasn't done her laundry in a month). I hope at least she bathes daily. And the biggest advantage: You have no kids with her. I can only say one thing:

Run away from her like Forrest Gump. She's been bragging to everyone that she's been planning to leave you. She's a legend in her own mind. She actually thinks she's quite a catch or something, when the reality of it is that she's only going to be an easy lay and will go through a line of men who dump her as soon as they get what they want and tire of her. It's sad, but true. 

The worst part is the example she's setting for her 15 yr old daughter. Hopefully she doesn't follow in her mother's footsteps, although statistics say otherwise.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

peon said:


> Is that really true?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most definitely.


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## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

Right now I financially cannot move. I'm working on it though. She wants me to stay until may 1 because she is in much worse shape financially than I am. I am hoping to be gone in the next couple weeks but I'm not sure what I am going to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

peon said:


> Right now I financially cannot move. I'm working on it though. She wants me to stay until may 1 because she is in much worse shape financially than I am. I am hoping to be gone in the next couple weeks but I'm not sure what I am going to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lets translate that for ya...she wants you to stay and support her for 2 more months, while she reaps the benefits.I know you cannot go immediately because of finances, but do not give her a free ride for 2 months. No more Mr. Nice Guy/Doormat. She will continue sucking the life out of you, if you don't start standing up to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Speed (Dec 9, 2011)

peon said:


> Right now I financially cannot move. I'm working on it though. She wants me to stay until may 1 because she is in much worse shape financially than I am. I am hoping to be gone in the next couple weeks but I'm not sure what I am going to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have no family? No one at all that you can stay with until you get back on your feet?


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Peon, why stay and support her? If your paying it all anyway, move on and take care of you. Let her fend for her self. SHE made HER bed.

Q~


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

peon said:


> Right now I financially cannot move. I'm working on it though. She wants me to stay until may 1 because she is in much worse shape financially than I am. I am hoping to be gone in the next couple weeks but I'm not sure what I am going to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At this point what she wants ought to be completely irrelevant to you.


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