# Who has helped you here?



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I see so many people on here give good advice about many different types of things. So my question is, who are some of the members here who have helped you? maybe they helped open your eyes to see the light. Maybe they put things in a different way. Perhaps they told you something you didn't want to hear but needed to hear. I'm sure the list can go on! 

I can list a few, and I'm sure there are more but can't think of them off the top of my head.  The ones I can list are some of the ones I see now after browsing some other threads, and my trigger to think of them was, "Oh yeah they have good advice!" 

Enchantment
Uptown
Pidge70
SA
Mavash
Jellybeans
Entrophy3000

OK thats just a few, how about you? Who has helped you and why?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Too many to name...

First few names that come to mind are Deejo, Amp and MEM.

Those were the guys that really gave me a lot of good answers when I first got here a few years ago. I was pretty much just lost back then.

I still need advice from time to time - but its generally different advice.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

nice777, you just gave me some more to add to my list. If their names are not in front of my face sometimes I forget! 

I agree MEM, Amp and Deejo are good ones too!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

SA and Catherine602 definitely helped me.
2 very awesome people here for advice as far as im concerned.

LadyFrogFlyAway, Dolly, southern wife and of course  angelpixie for making me laugh my azz off, helping to keep me 'up' 

the short list of course


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I would feel bad if I left someone out because aside from a small subset of misogynists I learn from most everyone


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I would feel bad if I left someone out because aside from a small subset of misogynists I learn from most everyone


yes, this is true


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

No one has helped me personally yet. But reading everyone's posts and writing of my own experiences has helped. I thank everyone on this forum for listening


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

IMO wouldn't feel bad if I left someone out, because it wouldn't be intentional and its human nature to not always remember everyone's name etc. So with that being said, some of the ones that I feel has helped me are:

MEM
Catherine
Enchantment
that girl
trey69
AMP
Uptown
SA

There's just a few, and yes I'm sure theres more!


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I think it truly is the entire collection of contributors that help.

I know for me, Enchantment, Deejo, Conrad, SA, that_girl, AFEH and Hailen have been a very kind in answering my posts while I tried to figure everything out. I know I'm leaving some folks out... eek sorry.

Ironically, my light-bulb moment came from my least favorite poster on this board, who shall remain nameless for obvious reasons. Sometimes the lessons come from places you least expect I guess, and that proves there is value in almost every post.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Too many to list and I would hate to leave someone out. I have a new name to go with my new outlook but a year ago TAM saved my marriage. I might not have liked what any of you had to say but I took it to heart and implemented it. For that I am grateful because it worked.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Pretty Much everyone that posts regularly


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

So many have helped, and a few have driven me nuts. Some have caused me to laugh out loud; one got me banned...some I just can't stomach. Seriously.

But since you can't name names....


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

Carol and I are doing nicely so we didn't come here for "help" We came here for personal growth and understanding. That being said, I just love reading SA's posts. I find her relentless exuberance for men in general, her husband in particular, love, and the institution of marriage to be highly uplifting in this place.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> So many have helped, and a few have driven me nuts. Some have caused me to laugh out loud; one got me banned...some I just can't stomach. Seriously.
> 
> But since you can't name names....


Candie girl vous me fait toujours rire hope i said that right lol


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

In_The_Wind said:


> Candie girl vous me fait toujours rire hope i said that right lol


Oui, c'est très bon! Rire = Vivre pour moi....malheureusement, le français écrit n'est pas mon fortée! 

Oh, and drop the 'vous'. That's for old ladies!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

juste aimer la langue, il semble si sexy


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Each and every poster, whether is something good or bad, makes you think about things a different way, how to try a new approach or mindset or how NOT to do something...to see that so many folks here actually care about thier fellow human beings by sharing thier deepest fears, failures, greatest triumphs, life lessons etc...


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

For serious discussions:

Tunera
Simply Amorous
Uptown
Enchantment

My "Miss Congeniality" award for an all-around fun spirit as well as wit and insight:

that_girl


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I relied heavily on my fellow mods at the time. Some have moved on now or taken advantage of the generous Mod 401K plan and retired comfortably in the Cayman Islands. Thanks so much to Chris, M22, Swede, Drac and Leah.

I also developed a close friendship with a fellow husband in a similar situation at the time. We took our communication outside of TAM and are still in contact today keeping tabs on our lives and kids. Although his marriage did eventually fail he was of great help to me in the recovery of mine. Especially in pushing me when things seemed pretty hopeless. Thanks SV.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Many people here have given me some great advice, ideas, suggestions etc. However, I have to give mad props to Uptown and Pidge70 on their knowledge of BPD! :smthumbup:


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I've received help from so many here I could never name them all. Two that I always recall from my original thread though are Jellybeans and Affaircare. 

I've made lots of friends here.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I know in my heart that I've helped many posters and lurkers, and as big as my ego is and as nice it is to get some recognition, I couldn't care less if I got mentioned or not as I don't do it for the glory


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> You've got a big ego? Hadn't noticed. :rofl:
> 
> You must be a Leo, or at the very least an Aquarius with Leo rising.



goes to show that astrology is bunk as usual

my bday is Tuesday


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> my bday is Tuesday



*AHEM*


however, THIS sort of thing I do for the glory

you're supposed to wish me a happy birthday dammit!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

So many here have helped me, still help me and I'm sure will continue to. I think the biggest contributors to my plight have been the recovering nice guys on here who have provided valuble wisdom and advice to me. Also some of the ladies have been a big inspiration. Many of those helpful people on here have moved on, some are the regulars, some only post a few messages. Some I always agree with, some I mostly disagree with, but I value almost every opinion on here (except those suspected of trolling). I try to pay it forward when I can but it sometimes takes an emotional toll on me, and I literally have to tear myself away from here sometimes in order to take care of my real life...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

25?!?!?!

hahahahahahahahahahahha


nope

42

(ugh)


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

hurtnohio said:


> For serious discussions:
> 
> Tunera
> Simply Amorous
> ...


I don't think I've ever had a serious discussion on this site with someone.

Have I? :scratchhead:


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Holy cr*p, this thread reminds me of the middle-school PE class selection process where the popular kids went first and the rest were left uncomfortably standing there in their blue jumpsuits, awkardly shifting their weight from foot to foot...not that I ever experienced that....
> 
> It's like the gym fraternity selection scene from Revenge of the Nerds....those who aren't mentioned or chosen feel really great about themselves. Way to build people up!!! lmfao.
> 
> ...


LadyFrogFlyAway is easily the best.

Her post that mentioned how all her SO has to do is dangle it anywhere near her and she polishes it off?

Priceless


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

there's lots of people I like on this forum - I got over my issues quite quickly but have stuck around mainly because of the social spot crew who have literally made me cry with laughter on a daily basis

and it has restored my faith in men (a little bit) as there's some lovely sweet guys on here

y'all know who you are I'm sure


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> there's lots of people I like on this forum - I got over my issues quite quickly but have stuck around mainly because of the social spot crew who have literally made me cry with laughter on a daily basis
> 
> and it has restored my faith in men (a little bit) as there's some lovely sweet guys on here
> 
> y'all know who you are I'm sure


maybe you just "think" you are over your issues? though... perhaps that is the exact same thing as actually being over them...?

You and ladyfrog have definitely livened up the social spot here, laughter is always a welcome experience, 'specially for those of us dealing with some sort of betrayal...


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I was going to name names ....but I think there's too many!

And most of these posters probably wouldn't even realize they have helped me. There are a few people in mind who I tend to agree with/admire the posts of moreso than others yet I value reading everyone's. The variety in thought and experience is what appeals to me. The different perspectives are valuable.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

I will just say I enjoy the discussion on here. I learn a lot on here from different people. Mostly, I want to get ladies' perspective. Sometimes, I get into deeper and sometimes uncomfortable (for some, not me) discussions. I think I can discuss and ask questions, and even probe without getting upset. I actually enjoy it. There are a few personal questions I've asked, but I didn't come here with relationship problems - just a desire to learn. In that, the ones who are willing to really engage me in conversation, and the ones who are willing to share openly from their experience are the ones I find most helpful. There are several, but I'm afraid if I start listing them, I'll omit one I shouldn't, so I'd prefer to not list them. Instead, I thank them individually when they provide me something useful.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Its like were all one big happy disfunctional family!

goodnight johnboy.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> or at the very least an Aquarius with Leo rising.


how do you know his leo is rizing?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> *AHEM*
> 
> 
> however, THIS sort of thing I do for the glory
> ...


well, it iz still too early, but i guess ill do it now cawz im shur ill fergit bi toozdey.

happy birfday ar :smthumbup:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> My horoscope for today says simply, "Beware of the Turtle" Whatever the h*ll that means....


thats every day


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I don't think I've ever had a serious discussion on this site with someone.
> 
> Have I? :scratchhead:


very doubtful :scratchhead:


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> I was going to name names ....but I think there's too many!
> 
> And most of these posters probably wouldn't even realize they have helped me. There are a few people in mind who I tend to agree with/admire the posts of moreso than others yet I value reading everyone's. The variety in thought and experience is what appeals to me. The different perspectives are valuable.


:iagree: ^ this, totally!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Just about everyone on this forum has been a huge help to me. I don't want to list names for fear of forgetting someone.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Quite honestly, I cannot help but think that there hasn't been at least one on here at TAM that has not, in some minute way, contributed to helping me, as well as most others out, albeit through their vast knowledge of all of this complex subject matter; their personal experiences; and their keen sense of humors in making us smile and laugh when we absolutely need it the most.

Add to that their genuine love and concern, and you could not ask for anything more! I only hope and pray that I've been able to live up to those high standards set by all of you in helping me as you've unselfishly shown in volunteering to help each other!

This is just a huge "thank you" to each and every one of you for all that you have done. May God truly bless you all!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes too many to name.

I came here get the mens perspective on issues/life and often what i read is worded so beautifully and so from the heart...well.. there's alot of lovely men here. :smthumbup:

My man is not a wordy bloke and I've shown him posts from other men here...and he smiles and say "yeah what he said". Posts from here have produced some most interesting discussions for us...just that makes it a worthwhile place to visit.

The women... well there so varied and wonderful and funny and naughty.

All in all a nice place to visit... once you get past the decor


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Guys: I absolutely love us loving on each other, but did it ever occur to you that the way that we seem to be carrying on, particularly on this specific post, might accidentally make one think that TAM is going off the web!

I'm hoping that we're here for as long as we absolutely need to be!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

SA,
You have more genuine positive emotional energy than anyone else here. You set a great tone and have helped a lot of folks here. You would make a hell of a therapist. 

Your H is a very lucky man and quite obviously knows it. 

I have only one request for you. I want you to forgive yourself for whatever you think you did wrong earlier in your marriage. There is a statute of limitations on any mistake. And you have long since made more than fair amends for whatever yours were. 

And perhaps you see my lawn as greener than it is. Having an aggressive HD partner who is relentless - can be very - tiresome. I guess somehow I mixed in enough compassion so that there is no resentment. 





SimplyAmorous said:


> I came here originally seeking advice to get my husband more Aggressive ....*Big Bad Wolf *pissed me off telling me I was going to resent my husband cause he wasn't dominate..... but I tend to enjoy getting pissed off ...so I kept learning... Ends up... I had to agree with much he said... so I ended up liking him...even found we share similar values...but I hope I have given him another perspective that not all men are the same.... sometimes the women are a little bit aggressive...and it is still....OK.
> 
> *MEM *helped me see that we were FOOLS for most of our marraige for not simply arousing each other more so (Daaahhhh), I seemed to think once I had sex, I was good for a week.
> 
> ...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I will have to do this in parts. I was so angry when i started posting in the fall of 2010. Some very kind and patient people helped me make piece with my demons, they do rear their ugly heads now and then but much less now. 

First the ladies 
Simply Aomrous - what more needs to be said. Simply that- she has such a unique way of looking at the would. So pure, optimistic, joyful and generous. 

I learned that it is possible to be a woman and to be optimistic. The woman in my family have a tendecy to expect the worse. 

Enchantment - measured, kind and fair minded. Tunera -unpredictable, bright and passionate. Jellybennie - sweet, Affaircare - committed, Lady Frog - well I don't know what to say about her but she has got this joint jumping. That_Girl -honest and forthright. Mary35 the post to Marie was a masterpiece. 

That's a partial list of the ladies on TAM who helped me see the joy and beauty of being a woman. I learned it is safe!!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

SA your post is so like you, organized and comprehensive. How do you do it?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Where is Uptown and Southbound? I haven't seen them on here in awhile. Unless I'm just missing them when I come on. 

But they were ones that helped me, along with that_girl, jellybeans, Mavash, EleGirl, tacoma, heavensangel, prodigal, MrK...geez, I can't do this. I know I'm leaving a ton of people out that've helped me but these are the more common ones that have responded to not only me, but many others. 

I appreciate everyone's comments and this place, the people here, have talked me down from many anxiety episodes and have helped me see clearly many things - things that I was confused about, and whether or not I should let the issue go or address it, etc...


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## mommy22 (Apr 6, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> I relied heavily on my fellow mods at the time. Some have moved on now or taken advantage of the generous Mod 401K plan and retired comfortably in the Cayman Islands. Thanks so much to Chris, M22, Swede, Drac and Leah.
> 
> I also developed a close friendship with a fellow husband in a similar situation at the time. We took our communication outside of TAM and are still in contact today keeping tabs on our lives and kids. Although his marriage did eventually fail he was of great help to me in the recovery of mine. Especially in pushing me when things seemed pretty hopeless. Thanks SV.


Yup. The mods helped me too along with countless others. :smthumbup:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think i would have to add syrum.
one, because she introduced me to this site.
second, because with her by my side at the time, i was able to see just how toxic my marriage was to me.
i was able to see how a man should be treated within a relationship.
without her, i am pretty positive i would have broke down and returned to my exw yet again as i had every time in the past.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I also don't usually PM, especially with men. 

lol. It's like a whole other world!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I give everyone credit for having helped themselves.
That is where the real change comes from.
And, it always takes work, pain, and courage.
<3


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Certain people have been a HUGE help to me. 

Uptown- This man has helped me realize that my BPD can't control me or ruin my life anymore unless I allow it. 

Morituri- Such a wise man. He let's me ask questions and get the BS perspective without making me feel like I am unworthy.

Almostrecoverd- Let's me bounce situations off of him. Gives me no holds barred feedback.

Jellybeans- Such a good friend, I feel like we would be friends IRL.

that_girl- Crazy and sweet. I like talking to her and she never makes me feel "judged".

2nd t!me iz best- Cracks me up and I honestly wish him the best.

LadyFrogFlyAway- Hasn't helped me with anything but, has shown her concern for my health situation. Amazing woman! 

8yrs- Banned now but, helped me tremendously when I first joined. I miss his help.

There are others I am sure, these are just those that stand out. I am glad I found this site and I generally like most of the members here.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think the first person to slap me upside the head was Jellybeans 

Good shet.

Other than that, I read everyone's comments and learn from everyone, even if I disagree.

I have PMd a few people...pidge(she knows my real name! ), jelly, and others... 

Firstyeardown and I chat almost daily on facebook.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

The Good advice... well many peeps. But the helping message that stuck with me the most... that really drove home to me..

Came from EleGirl.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Uptown was life changing for me and Runs Like Dog and unbelievable helped me find my nuts again (not literally)


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

There have been several. One that stands out is Simply Amorous. Sometimes I feel that she is my personal therapist.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

I am fairly new to this forum .. just 66 posts old  and fairly new to the world of marriage itself... Feedback from every person who responded to my posts was extremely helpful and helped me get different perspectives!! Thanks to all who replied!

I have also been reading other posts and just reading those posts has been very helpful as well since we can partially relate in some way or the other to most of the posts. Would like to thank all the people who take the time and effort to help others! This is a great forum :toast:

:allhail:


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Lon said:


> maybe you just "think" you are over your issues? though... perhaps that is the exact same thing as actually being over them...?


maybe darling, maybe - but I don't miss him one little bit, and coming here seeing the pain that others are going through (as well as the love others have for their spouses) has thrown me a bit of perspective I guess. And made me think that perhaps there wasn't very much to our relationship after all

onwards and upwards!


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## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I don't think I've ever had a serious discussion on this site with someone.
> 
> Have I? :scratchhead:


Sorry, TG...That didn't come out as intended. Yes, you're great for serious talks, too. It's just for me personslly, I've always gotten a good-natured chuckle put of your little comments along the way that are just uniquely you. Some of your comments about your sex life with hubby are refreshingly honest and positive.

But your insight during serious discussions is good, too.

Sorry if I seemed to slam you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Everyone has helped me in some sort of way!

even the one who I disagreed with have help me be more understanding to how a women thinks.listening to different perspectives and experiances give food for thought and many times later in the day I will have an ahh hun moments when it just clicks 
.

the key is open mindeness.
and thanks for putting up with my horriable spelling and grammer. LOL definatly not my strong suit.


Happy friday everyone.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Whether you have replied to my posts, whether I've read yours, whether we have had direct contact online, no contact or have disagreed; you have ALL offered me perspective of some kind. If it hasn't been perspective of some kind for a problem I've faced, it's been a chance to reflect on my own values, or otherwise just a damn good belly laugh that I so desperately needed.

So while I say thank you to you all, there are a few who I won't name that have been particularly kind and supportive (and those who have given a total [email protected] view that helped also. But I'm sure you know who you are).

I don't wish to name names and single anyone out either, I want to say I came for help, I've stayed for the wonderful diversity of people here.

Here's to TAM and it's wonderful people. May it have many more years ahead of it and may we all continue to learn and grow as better people!


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

There's so many people that have helped me with specific posts, especially when I first started reading here and didn't know who was who.

I don't want to name names because I don't want people to feel left out. Basically if you are a regular here and you aren't a douche, you have helped me and I am glad to have spent time reading your stuff.

I will cheat and mention ONE name, because she's written a few really really long posts that eloquently described how I felt about certain things. Like you have a vision in your brain for a painting and then you walk into an art gallery and see someone has already drawn it exactly as you described. So thanks SA for writing down those thoughts.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Probably says a lot about me that the person who helped me out the most is banned....

Normally, I don't use PMs alot. TheRealBrightEyes seemed to sense the guilt that I brought with me to this site, and how I always held myself responsible for my wife's struggle with depression. She approached it in her usual bantering way, but with respect. I'd like to think that I helped her to better understand some of what might be going on in her own relationship from her husband's POV. Not to mention that her husband had a real interest in the type of fiction that I write as a hobby, so I got to know them a little better than I would normally do on an anonymous forum. Its the little things between the lines of a post that sometimes change a person's mind about their marriage. 

Heartsbeating is one member who inspires because she always approaches situations in such a supportive, optimistic way.

Deejo can take something that I would use three paragraphs to describe and answer it better in one concise sentence.

I have to move away from this site in the coming days due to work and other deadlines, but I could so easily name many others who make it hard to quit checking up on this site.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> LadyFrogFlyAway, Dolly, southern wife and of course  angelpixie for making me laugh my azz off, helping to keep me 'up'


you mean in the psychological sense, right?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> you mean in the psychological sense, right?


umm, yeah, psychological sense, thats it, mhhmmm. yup


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

mommy22 said:


> Yup. The mods helped me too along with countless others. :smthumbup:


Right back at cha M. Thanks.


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

Mem and SA are probibly the 2 that I have taken the most from over all. That being said, the one peice of info that helped me the most was Deejo saying over and over agian that to make meaningful change I have to be ready to be done if needed. The second my wife realized I would actually leave was when the ball started rolling.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

....or that_girl's sexiness....

:lol:


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I'm relatively new here, but I know a lot of folks have helped me. Hate to list names because I'm sure I'll leave many out here are the ones that jumped to mind right off the bat (in no order):

SimplyAmorous, FormerNiceGuy, Enchantment, Entropy3000, CandieGirl, Conrad, Trenton, MEM, Heartsbeating, Frustr8dhubby, That_girl, AFEH, OldGirl, Sigma, CofeeAmore, JeffB/C, ImInLoveWithMyHubby, Deejo, LadyFrog, 2ndTime, LemonLime

Often times people have helped me w/o knowing it. Just some post in a random thread, or their own testimonials. Their words have really been a HUGE blessing (and that phrase really falls short of expressing what I really mean).

We are both seeing things from each other's perspectives much more clearly than before. In the short time I've been here my wife and I have already seen some refreshing changes for the better.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Excuse me, but _*I'm*_ the sexy one, and I have sex with my husband better than you have sex with your husband!
> 
> So there!!


I said good day!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I said good day!


thats sooo '70s


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

There are too many invaluable insights for me to ever just mention one or two in particular.As a whole,I guess the remorseful wayward spouses have really enlightened me and caused the most reflection on my part.They have a story,they suffer and feel pain and they try.Something I never gave much thought to in the past.Thanks to all.


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