# My Brother Told Me This Would Happen...



## sczinger (Jun 7, 2018)

Right at about 9 months ago she left me for her boss and the grieving process started. Fast forward to this morning(not nearly fast enough.) For all you JFO's. It does get better. A lot better. My brother told me about 4 months ago... He said. "I'm telling you, one morning, you will wake up and you will just feel different. It won't consume you. You may even have the same thoughts about them being together but it just won't affect you like it did. Too much energy wasted on her. It will be very freeing. And you will put both feet on the floor, stand up and a very content grin will creep across your face, and you'll say to yourself, "self... Look what you've just survived and look how much stronger you've become and better your life is. You have won.""

I felt that, wholly, for the first time this morning. A peace that I had not felt for quite some time. My life belongs to me. 

I tried to date too soon. Fortunately no real debacles and no one got hurt. You have to be completely up front about where you are in your healing process. It's fair to her and it's fair to yourself. I'm really enjoying my own company. I'd put so much effort into loving someone else first... trying to fulfill her wants and needs first, emotionally, financially and spiritually that I neglected loving myself equally. 

When this first went down I remember reading on here that it will take months, maybe years to fully heal. At the time I thought to myself, "OMG, there is no way I can feel this kind of pain for that long." Everyone's situation is different, I know, but mine was just out of the blue. She gave me no indications she was and having an affair until the DDay.

My key has been and continues to be NC. Unless you absolutely have to communicate, block everything. Emails, cell phones...everything. 

I'm actually thankful that this happened to me. My perspective on how to bring myself to a new relationship at some point in the future has changed as a result. Be anxious for nothing... Life DOES get so much better.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

sczinger said:


> Right at about 9 months ago she left me for her boss and the grieving process started. Fast forward to this morning(not nearly fast enough.) For all you JFO's. It does get better. A lot better. My brother told me about 4 months ago... He said. "I'm telling you, one morning, you will wake up and you will just feel different. It won't consume you. You may even have the same thoughts about them being together but it just won't affect you like it did. Too much energy wasted on her. It will be very freeing. And you will put both feet on the floor, stand up and a very content grin will creep across your face, and you'll say to yourself, "self... Look what you've just survived and look how much stronger you've become and better your life is. You have won.""
> 
> I felt that, wholly, for the first time this morning. A peace that I had not felt for quite some time. My life belongs to me.
> 
> ...


I think if you look at your first post you will see that lots of us told you that would happen. Doesn't happen when they stay together though, be happy you didn't have a choice, this is actually a better outcome for more in my opinion. 

Also be prepared for the day she shows up on your door and says what a horrible mistake she made. You will probably feel nothing. 

He is right though, the lesson is no one can possibly do you worse, just as bad yes, worse probably not and you survived it and 9 months later you feel OK. The next lesson will be when you find someone else who you fell just as strong with or even stronger. At that point you will realize that there are no soulmates just two people who decide to give each other themselves (which to my mind makes it even more special) In learning that there will not be a desperation anymore to hold onto to a ****ty person because you know they are not irreplaceable.

A that point you will have no need to fear infidelity the way you once did. That is a very freeing feeling. I never worry about getting cheated on as far as what will happen to me if it happens, it will be painful (and I worry about that) but as far as the fear of the long term I know I will be just fine. 

I am very happy for you.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

sczinger said:


> Right at about 9 months ago she left me for her boss and the grieving process started. Fast forward to this morning(not nearly fast enough.) For all you JFO's. It does get better. A lot better. My brother told me about 4 months ago... He said. "I'm telling you, one morning, you will wake up and you will just feel different. It won't consume you. You may even have the same thoughts about them being together but it just won't affect you like it did. Too much energy wasted on her. It will be very freeing. And you will put both feet on the floor, stand up and a very content grin will creep across your face, and you'll say to yourself, "self... Look what you've just survived and look how much stronger you've become and better your life is. You have won.""
> 
> I felt that, wholly, for the first time this morning. A peace that I had not felt for quite some time. My life belongs to me.
> 
> ...


If you think its good now, its the gift that keeps on giving as long as you allow it to. Read my crap you will thank god for yours. I just now 7 years after DD am allowing my heart to let another in. 7 years. Every year I realize how I am better than the year before, I have absolutely achieved indifference and that is the best thing! 

I dated way to soon. I had been denied affection and I wanted some! I actually dated three very nice women in the 7 years, and am marrying the third one after three years and a real soul searching on my part. I tried to tell them that I wasnt interested in getting serious, but they forgot it after a bit, thats a hard thing to achieve. Good luck to you in that. Just be up front in what you want and say it often.

Good luck to you. Sorry that you are here.


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