# Wife feels like I'm screaming at her during her period, even though I stay completely calm (until I don't)



## Oscarh (1 mo ago)

I have no idea what to do. We're together for one and a half year now and every time on her period she seems demon possessed. A completely different person, and the worst thing: 
SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER ANY OF THAT!
Even when I talk the most calm possible, she yells at me "stop screaming at me" and after being provoked for a long time, I either have to leave or I scream back. In either case I'm "a bad husband for leaving/yelling".
And in her imagination she didn't yell at me at all.
But once these days are over, she's she most kind angel this world has seen and she doesn't remember anything (except my screaming, but she says she forgives me for that...)
What shall I do? 
I was already considering installing cameras and microphones everywhere to prove it to her, but we just moved and are extremely low on cash..


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Oscarh said:


> I have no idea what to do. We're together for one and a half year now and every time on her period she seems demon possessed. A completely different person, and the worst thing:
> SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER ANY OF THAT!
> Even when I talk the most calm possible, she yells at me "stop screaming at me" and after being provoked for a long time, I either have to leave or I scream back. In either case I'm "a bad husband for leaving/yelling".
> And in her imagination she didn't yell at me at all.
> ...


Welcome to TAM @Oscarh 

I wouldn’t try to record her for 2 reasons:
-she likely does remember. And besides, your word is enough, you don’t have to prove it.

-What do think would happen next? She would see herself and feel like crap. But what then, do you think she can suddenly get ahold of those emotions and control them? I don’t. Mood swings are a real pain for women.

Instead I suggest you go the medical route. Explain things to her doctor and see if he can give her a mood stabilizer or some other medication to help offset those wild emotions.


----------



## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

I suggest you keep your side factual and be a ninja and extricate yourself from the conversation if she tries baiting you into a yelling match. Tell her you will discuss anything she wants in a couple of hours or days, whatever seems right.

Of course, you can always try the tried and true, "calm down"


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I agree, she probably does know what's happening. (That explains why she easily "forgives" you).



Oscarh said:


> In either case I'm "a bad husband for leaving/yelling".


Preferably, don't do either of those things. Especially don't do yelling back.



Oscarh said:


> Even when I talk the most calm possible, she yells at me "stop screaming at me"


Can you say what happens *before* that? What triggers her?
And what exactly is she saying when she's having the meltdown?


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

UAArchangel said:


> Of course, you can always try the tried and true, "calm down"


How could I have forgot this nugget of genius.🤣


----------



## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Sometimes a person will drive drama because it's their way of feeling you're paying them attention.  So, if you dont reward that, but reward her with attention when is engaged in conversation and not driving the drama, that might help.


----------



## DaringGreatly (7 mo ago)

This does sound hormonal. I suffered from Pcos since my early 20's and the week leading up to my period it felt very black and like an emotional pressure was building that didn't resolve until my period started. 

I'm sure I was not fun to be around. I definately did not do it on purpose and it genuinely felt like it was everyone else with the problem, not me. (That's hard to admit but it's true). 
Evening primrose oil and starflower oil really helped with the moods and also exercise helped enormously but I didn't discover that till later in life. 

Don't wait till she's under pressure to address it. Do it when she is coming out the other side and is sorry for her behaviour. Discuss how much you love her and feel for her and what she is going through and approach it as you easing her burden, not your own (Although you are helping both of you). Good luck.


----------



## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I agree with the medical and non rewarding routes noted above. 

The emotions are real. Some of us men go there by way of medical treatment and end up going to mental health professionals to help us deal with it. You may get a chance to experience it from the other side some day so now is a good time to get familiar dealing with it.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Just a word of warning: this is likely not going to get much better, and if you have kids, this might become more of the normal emotional state for her.

By the way, she does remember.

Also, what is her mom like?


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Seek medical help. And, tell her you aren't going to live your life life this. 

You haven't been married very long. If nothing changes, consider ending the marriage. Can you imagine decades of this???


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I would do this as Livvie suggests, and if she gives you the "I never do that", then NEXT time, video/audio record her.
When she is over her period, then play it back, and tell her that this cannot happen again. You need to get this checked...


----------



## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> I would do this as Livvie suggests, and if she gives you the "I never do that", then NEXT time, video/audio record her.
> When she is over her period, then play it back, and tell her that this cannot happen again. You need to get this checked...


I agree. I know about marriage counseling sessions that are video taped and when a couple gets into it over something, the tape is played back and often the offending spouse is surprised at their facial expressions and the tone of their voice. People tend to minimize their offensive actions in their own minds.


----------



## bluo (25 d ago)

You’re describing my life and no matter how you handle a situation or what you say or how you say it you’ll always be wrong. 15 years of it for me now and I’ve checked out. I’m not prepared to deal with it anymore 

If your partner has no self awareness and isn’t willing to accept the part she plays then ask yourself is it worth it. It’s not the problem that’s the problem, it’s the attitude to the problem that’s the problem - get it!?

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes and those mistakes can be the trigger but we all chose how we handle those situations and the things that are said in the heat of a moment.

It won’t change unfortunately.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


----------

