# Considering leaving .



## valdes53 (Jul 11, 2013)

When we met he was half way thru his divorce. And i had ended a relationship. with time we starting dating ,then engaged and last year got married. I think It was my worst mistake ever. He is not at all expresive and that is something i need . At the begining he did like many but it eventually changed. He swears up and down he loves me and that he cant be without me bla bla bla. frankly dont beleive it. He thinks that by buying me things i may want or need for the house or anything that can be purchased is enough to demostrate love. No hugs, kisses affection the I love you never comes out of his mouth unless i ask Do you love me? He compliments me but i dont feel the way he sees me so that is an issue. I dont want to have sexual contact , I just dont feel like it. It has been very difficult to deal with things the past 2 years. And i really tried, I would justify him and his actions and would blame situations in life but they changed and he never did. I want to feel special, and loved truly loved. I Am not working and have a 4 year old from my previous relationship and he has 3 children of his own. I am 31 and he is 38 . We are from different ethnic backgrounds . Im just getting tired of trying and feel like im swimming against the current. I dont know what to do. He got SSA disability last year so now he does not work so he is always with me , its becoming very overwelming i dont have friends or family close that i can just go to for a couple of months and just think and be with my self and my daughter. What can I do I cant force this man to be affectionate and i dont feel the connection with him anymore that i need to have sexual contact with him , It was killed by him in my eyes. He tends to scream and over react to things and very often tends to misunderstand the things i say , so I feel like i cant be myself anymore. I just need support and ideas if there is any hope of saving this relationship/marriage


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It sounds like you two might benefit from reading "The Five Love Languages" and "His Needs, Her Needs." In order to start making improvements, you need to start understanding each other, like how you each show and receive love. 

He does think gifts show his love - gifts are one of the love languages. You need to feel love in a different way, through affectionate hugs and kisses. The book can help you talk about this so you understand each other and work together, rather than struggle against each other.

His Needs, Her Needs helps you prioritize what your and your H's most important needs are and compare them. This will also help in understanding each other.

You're a team. It takes time to figure out how to make a relationship work.

Give the books a try. It can't hurt.


----------

