# I don't know what to think?



## Dowjones (Sep 16, 2010)

I got home late Monday night and there was a call from the OM's wife, for me to call her. I was worried that some new revelation would come out about my wife's EA. I tried to call, but couldn't get through to her, so I asked my wife if there was anything she hadn't told me, and she said no, and that she hadn't heard from OM since she and he were fired. The only contact was between OM's wife and me. Finally I got through to her and found out that OM was killed in an auto accident on Saturday. I sat my wife down and broke the news toi her and she said that she was sorry about his death , but that since he was no longer a part of her life, she didn't feel the need to mourn. We both don't know what to feel about this turn of events.


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## empire (Jun 6, 2011)

Not knowing your story or the state of your R? she may either be thinking no need to tell you how she really feels, he's dead or she is over him enough to say what she did. She may not know what to say or how she feels. Surprisingly it can take awhile for someone to understand how they feel after a person dies suddenly. I am no saint so if the OM in my situation met with the same fate I wouldn't be to upset about it....


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I would think it was perhaps an intentional 'accident' and that there would be a pact to keep one's mouth shut so that life insurance policy could be cashed in for the OM's wife. 

But, that's just me. 

Sometimes if what could be said should not be said, it's better to just zipper up. If she tells the truth about what she's thinking, it could come back to bite her. If she says anything else, she'd be lying, in effect, something she might not want to do any more.

I'd just let it go.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

could be.....

delay.

denial.

deception.

deliverence.

destruction.

etc.

if u knew or could really find out, then u'd have a better idea
who SHE really is down deep as well as what that EA/PA really
amounted to, level wise, and what it portends for u two going
forward. 

whether vertical or horizontal, u need to know what u really have before u as u "communicate" with her.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Dowjones said:


> I got home late Monday night and there was a call from the OM's wife, for me to call her. I was worried that some new revelation would come out about my wife's EA. I tried to call, but couldn't get through to her, so I asked my wife if there was anything she hadn't told me, and she said no, and that she hadn't heard from OM since she and he were fired. The only contact was between OM's wife and me. Finally I got through to her and found out that OM was killed in an auto accident on Saturday. I sat my wife down and broke the news toi her and she said that she was sorry about his death , but that since he was no longer a part of her life, she didn't feel the need to mourn. We both don't know what to feel about this turn of events.


If I was in your situation I'd like to think I'd send a sympathy card from the two of you and just leave it at that.

Bob


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I'm a bit curious why the OM's wife felt the need to tell you... and ultimately, your wife. Did she think you'd be relieved he was truly gone? Think you or your wife might want to come to the funeral?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Live or dead, he's not your problem. Your issue is and always has been with your wife. If she was susceptible to adultary, if it wasn't this guy it would have been another. If she wants to send a card or even go to the funeral, I'd let her but I wouldn't accompany her. Whatever it takes to put the dog to sleep. Their thing didn't include you and never should have happened. OM's wife probably shouldn't have called. She has no business with you anyway. Not sure why she believed continuing to communicate with you after the affair was going to improve her situation or your's.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

I wouldn't have said anything to my wife. May be I am cruel but I would have even smiled a bit and carried on with my day. For all the violence I would have liked to have done when I discovered the A, this would suffice.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wow. That is crazy, Dow. I wonder why the OM's wife called you to tell you.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Twistedheart said:


> I wouldn't have said anything to my wife. May be I am cruel but I would have even smiled a bit and carried on with my day. For all the violence I would have liked to have done when I discovered the A, this would suffice.


LOL, I guess that could have enabled a fairly comical commentary to tell her "go ahead and be with your boyfriend"......


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I'm with Twisted.

I wouldn't have told my W about it at all, if she chose to R then she really didn't need to know.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

^^Me too, as a WS fully committed to and deep in reconciliation I don't think I'd want to know. Doesn't change anything anyway.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Karma? 

I never told any of you this, but remember all that tornado damage in NC back in April? Well, the OM's house got some moderate damage. And, that day happened to be my birthday. Weird how things work out.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ LOL @ on your birthday!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Wow! It's hard to know how to react when something like that happens. That says a lot that your wife didn't feel any grief; it shows your reconciliation has come a long way. Deep inside you must be relieved that she passed that test. 




Jellybeans said:


> Wow. That is crazy, Dow. I wonder why the OM's wife called you to tell you.


His wife was in a state of confusion. And probably that small voice in her subconscious mind thought he would want to know. In a sense to say, you never have to worry about them seeing each other ever again. 



AFEH said:


> If I was in your situation I'd like to think I'd send a sympathy card from the two of you and just leave it at that.
> 
> Bob


As would I. Take the high road because his family is grieving. And see the sending of the card as a form of closure--The ending chapter....and the beginning of a new book.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If it were me, I'd want to piss on his grave.

But I wouldn't do it. He's infested your thoughts enough as it is.

One the one hand, it is annoying that you now have no leverage to find out the ultimate truth from your wife. On the other hand, you got to witness the true nature of your wife in her response at finding out the OM is dead.

Either an ice queen or very deceptive.

Neither is palatable.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Definitely agree with 827Aug's wise words. 

I wouldn't wish death on hardly anyone, and I'm sure his BW is grieving in spite of what he did to her.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> ^ LOL @ on your birthday!


That was pretty funny. I wish the damage had been worse. He only lost a fence, storage building, and got a fist sized hole in his roof.

But the fact that it was my birthday did make it all seem really strange. I don't really believe in Karma but I got a kick out of it.

As for this dude that got in a car wreck, it could have been affair related. I rode around like a freaking zombie for weeks after D-Day.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You don't have to send a card to them at all. In fact, I wouldn't. 

You don't know him.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I wouldn't send a card. I couldn't even force myself to tell the OMs family "sorry for their loss" especially when I don't feel that way. I guess it's really up to you, but why do or say something when you really don't believe it or mean it?

I don't think I would react very well if my W wanted to go to the funeral either. She wanted to R and agreed to NC and I don't want her having contact with him regardless if he's dead or alive.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

If it were my hubby's girlfriend I wouldn't give my two cents, I would have no feeling. That's me talking today, another gift from the affair.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

"If I was in your situation I'd like to think I'd send a sympathy card from the two of you and just leave it at that."- Huh? You don't owe them anything. I'm also with twisted. People die everyday... am I supposed to feel bad about them too?


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

ahhhmaaaan! said:


> "If I was in your situation I'd like to think I'd send a sympathy card from the two of you and just leave it at that."- Huh? You don't owe them anything. I'm also with twisted. People die everyday... am I supposed to feel bad about them too?


Think on closure for Dow and his wife. And think on compassion for OM’s wife. And think on for whom the bell tolls.

Bob


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