# wife having EA and wants ONS...Help



## reazon (Apr 18, 2014)

Hello all, I'm new to this forum, my first time doing this. so bear with the newbie. sorry for the lost rants, I'm loosing my mind.

My Wife (26yr) and I (34yr) have been together for 6 yrs. married for 3. We have 2 beautiful kids, son is 4, daughter is 2.
I only work, she stays home with children. I recently discovered my Wife having an EA about 3 weeks ago, that has been going on for 11 months, ( I'm Devastated). Luckily this douche-bag lives in another state, so I know no PA has happened.yet. I initially was very hurt, depressed, betrayed, all that. I have not left my home, Family is very important to me, I love her with everything and want to make this work. I don't want to give up.
I've done some research as to WHY? I wasn't aware of "EA's", as I started reading into this topic, yes this situation falls into exactly what created her to reach out to someone. She has told me that she is not in love with me anymore and hasn't been for 2 yrs. but still loves me? ya
It's been a difficult time financially since we had our first born, she quit work to stay home with the baby, so we struggled a bit financially. Other than that things were good, I realize that now. I say this because I now know that I wasn't there for her emotionally these past 2 years. I kinda got lost in the everyday struggle to make ends meet. Thinking that as long as I can support the family and be faithful to her, that, that was enough for her to struggle with me, stand by me and eventually things would get better. I WAS F'EN WRONG. I see that now, long story short, we disconnected because I didn't keep "flowering the love plant" just was worried about making ends meet.
We separated when my son was 1.5yr, she then told me she was not in love, but I persisted on keeping the family together,that i would change my ways, so she moved back in 3 weeks later. That's when she got prego with my daughter. But since her moving back in, I NEVER CHANGED, which eventually led her to reach out to this douch-bag via ps3 gaming, ya pathetic. 
Now I learned that they have communicated for 11 months and text now everyday almost all day. They call each other while I'm at work.
When i confronted her, she lied at first then admitted to this EA. But she tells me she wants to have fun before commiting the rest of her life to me. She wants me to let her have a ONS out of state with this guy and she wants to come back to me, and "fall back in love"?
We try to communicate about this issue, we talk about this guy. She admits that there is no future with this guy, NO JOB, sell drugs, living with wife and kid, (which they live an open marriage relationship) and has another kid with another woman, Just bad news. She claims it's a physical attraction and that's it. she says she never experienced life like i had, ( I was a single bachelor all my 20's), so she wants to **** this guy and end all communication with him, come back to me to work on us for rest of our lives. WTF?
i can't do it, but I'm willing to do whatever for my kids, they are young, I know they will be fine, but not the same.
I'm scared, lost....................any and all comments appreciated


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## catsa (Jun 8, 2013)

Hang on- help will be here soon. Lots who have been thru this and worse, and survived.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Wow. Eff no. I'd tell her if she leaves to go see him, to not bother coming back.

She needs major counseling, and so do you. Why are you still paying for her cell phone and Internet service? You are funding the demise of your family. Wth?!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

If wishes were horses - beggars would ride. 
You can wish all you want to have a loving family with her. It's not gonna happen unless she gets a wake up call. 

Tell her to buy her own ticket and you'll drive her to the airport. But tell her too, that while she's gone - you'll file for divorce and move somewhere else. 

OR she can use the money for counseling. 

Look, you've been bustin your butt working to support a family. All the while she's been on her butt playing on PS4 and chumming up with an unemployed druggie. 

Time to move on.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Oh Hell No! If you believe anything she says I know a Doctor in Nigeria that has some money for you. If you let her go to that POSOM you *will regret it forever*, no doubt. Time to man up! I'm all for reconciliation, but don't become a doormat, if she does it one time the bar is set and she'll do it again. So either put you foot down now or let her go and lock the door behind her. 

PS: look up the term cake eater.


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## reazon (Apr 18, 2014)

thanks for all comments, it helps. 

also forgot to mention that she entertained the idea of me driving her to texas to do this! And come back to do whatever to fix us, agreed to be transparent after this. I don't want to give up on her yet, she needs help but won't go, we had a counseling session 2 days ago, but she cancelled last minute. i should've went anyway.
Don't know if she's lost in this fantasy or what. Our sex life is great.
You guys are right, i should leave, im scared to walk out on my kids, they ARE my life.!
Major problem is she cant work due to being illegal which we are in process of fixing her papers,I'm a US Citizen, so my pathetic dilemma is,
1.I cant kick her out, she has nowhere to go, and she'll take the kids, Where?
2. i feel trapped to leave but still pay rent, food, and bills until she can work. FOR THE KIDS SAKE ONLY!!!!!!!!
3.we discussed to no court action for child support, she can have everything, she knows i'll pay for my kids
I'm confused and lost as to wait and see if she goes then make my move to leave or just leave now. I want to wait and see just to be here with our kids.

Thanks Again


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

So... You work all day to support her, two young kids, while she is a stay at home mother playing video games, texting some out of state drug dealer, that she wants your blessing to go f--k. A guy who is a drug dealer in an open marriage that probably has a complete set of STDs. Then she will come home and be faithfully devoted?

And YOU are the bad guy?

Do I have it right?

Kick this piece of trash, sorry excuse of a woman out now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

reazon said:


> thanks for all comments, it helps.
> 
> also forgot to mention that she entertained the idea of me driving her to texas to do this! And come back to do whatever to fix us, agreed to be transparent after this. I don't want to give up on her yet, she needs help but won't go, we had a counseling session 2 days ago, but she cancelled last minute. i should've went anyway.
> Don't know if she's lost in this fantasy or what. Our sex life is great.
> You guys are right, i should leave, im scared to walk out on my kids, they ARE my life.!


No don't leave! Let her go, but you don't leave. Keep the high ground. Search this forum for the "180" and whatever you do don't leave your kids.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

This "woman" is a danger to her kids too. Sue for sole custody. 

You are doing your kids a disservice allowing this dangerous woman to be around them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Walk out on your kids? Why? 

Why would you consider leaving them for her when/if she returns? Maybe you should consider asking Harry Doyle about the Nigerian money - you'd have a better chance getting that than you would getting her to 'return' to you and suddenly become faithful. 

Gather all the info you can on this guy - document as much as you can about drug use etc. It'll work in your favor. Your number one job is to look after the welfare and well-being of your children not trying to woo your wife back to you and out of some douche's arms.


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## Rouleur (Sep 5, 2012)

"I don't want to give up on her yet, she needs help but won't go, we had a counseling session 2 days ago, but she cancelled last minute."

The problem is that she has given up on you. This fantasy about one and done is never going to happen. As long as your marriage is in the toilet she will continue to play out these pathetic lies.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Lets see, she is illegal while you and the kids are American citizens. I wonder what kind of leverage you have and who has the upper hand. Let me ponder this for a week or so.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Call immigration. Problem solved.

Hasta la vista, baby.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

How can you get married if she is illegal?Don't you at least need a green card to marry? Talk to a lawyer.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Counselling for your wife. Your wife is broken and needs help.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Wow! So sorry Reazon. It's outrageous, revolting and inhuman.

First thing is *stop blaming yourself.* There was NO excuse for her to have an EA. It was up to her to say so if she was unhappy. All WS say that. Do NOT go on the defensive. Say calmly, *"If you were unhappy you should have said so. Letting some jerk deposit his semen inside you sure wasn't going to help. It disgusts me. Do you really think that I'l be waiting for you when you come home?"* Sounds revolting I know but it's the reality of the situation. 

She thinks you are a pushover. Get your power back. No more Mr Nice Guy. 

Instead of thinking "I wasn't there for her emotionally, think "*How dare she do this to me. I ain't putting up with that crap. * 

Go completely dark. Say nothing about it to her other than the above. *Silence is your greatest weapon. * Tell a close friend or family member for onsite support. 

Next, get a free consult with a lawyer and check out your finances etc. You want to feel like divorce is on the cards and have an idea of how it will be if you do because you are going to have to sound as if you mean it 100% with my next advice.

Get divorce papers, fake ones for now. Download some from the internet and fill them in as if it was real. Make up some lawyer's name. Put them in an envelope. 

Sit her down when the kids are gone to bed. Wave the envelope at her. Take out the divorce papers and put them back in the envelope again. 

Quietly say, "You say you're not in love with me. You want a ONS with a loser and join all the other groupies he sleeps with. No wife of mine will ever make herself available to a jerk and expect me to be there when she comes home after he has been inside you. Don't you have any self-respect? You want me to tell our kids about this when they grow up? I didn't sign up for this on our wedding day so I got divorce papers. First off you are going to get this a$$hole out of our marriage right now because you will have no contact with him as long as you are under this roof. Write an email to him now while I watch and send it to him."

Imagine the strength that will take? You can do it Reazon because if she doesn't do that you are on your way to divorce anyway. 

If she doesn't agree don't argue with her. Just say, "It's your choice." Then go out for a drive or go see a friend to keep your strength. 

I think you should expose her to your families and friends. That shocks WS too because they don't expect it and expect the BS to take it and keep silent. Get other posters advice on that. Marriage builders dot com advise it. Check out their website.

*You need to give her a helluva shock as of yesterday. 
*
Your parents didn't raise you to be at the mercy of a woman like this. They brought you into this world and raised you well and you became a decent hard-working and honourable family man. 

Reazon, if a WS did that to my precious son, the gorgeous kid I raised, I would be livid. 

This would be the advice I would give him.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Trust me the 180 works. 
It will either prepare you for life after the Ex. Or it will bring her back in time-on your terms. Not hers. But it takes time, and follow it to a tee.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

What country is she from?


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## struggle (May 13, 2013)

She obviously has no sense of reality. She cancelled the appointment at the last minute because she knows she wrong, and the MC is not going to tell her what she wants to hear. She wants her way, and anything else is not on her agenda. There's no forcing someone to do what they don't WANT to do. What I'm understanding from her is she does not want to change, she does not want fix your marriage, and she does not care what you want. 

The guys here will give you lots of good advice about how to handle this situation


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Also Reazon:
*DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME ON ANY ACCOUNT.*

You are the protector of your kids. Do not move out and leave her to care for them. She is not fit to be a mother right now. 

Do you have family who could mind the kids while you go to work if you kick her out? 

She wanted you to drive her to Texas to have sex with a junkie? Yes she does need help but in another way she sounds quite together organising her trip! The fact that she asked you to do that tells me that you need to be thinking that this marriage is over. Will you ever be able to forgive her or forget that she said that. I wouldn't. It would haunt me as long as I was with him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I went through a similar situation with my wife.

We got through it, somehow, but it is not easy.

We didn't have children, which does make a difference.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Call immigration. Problem solved.
> 
> Hasta la vista, baby.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL, I had the same thought. Buy her a plane ticket and then drop a dime on her to INS. They should be waiting for her at the airport.

Crude? Yes.
Vindictive? Yes.
Funny as hell? YES!!!


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Reazon, I am sorry you are here but here are my observations:


There is something fundamentally wrong with her and f*****g a drug dealer is not going to fix it. She will not come back to you after that and in any case, even if she did, you will feel emasculated beyond belief and the resentment will create a very toxic environment for your kids and eventually your relationship will break down.

Right now she is acting like an addict begging for a fix. You cannot deal with her rationally. Do not pay any attention to comments like she has not been in love with you etc. This is why she needs to be brought down to Earth with a thump! She needs to hit rock bottom to be able to recover. Starting a divorce process, exposing the affair and doing a 180 will start this off.

She needs to stop this EA immediately - she is cheating on you now openly and blatantly - you should be reacting to this rather than considering some absurd idea of hers.

Do not let the kids be the reason you stay with her - leave alone drive her to Texas for her "ONS"! They will be far better off with parents that are divorced rather than in a hateful marriage.

What does the POSOM do? Will exposing him at his workplace be effective? Same question for putting him on CV? The [email protected] knows she is married, with 2 young kids, alone at home, depressed and vulnerable. Blow the [email protected]'s world up if you can.

On the other hand I do believe she got into this relationship too young and didn't really have a chance to sow her wild oats so to speak. Before she knew it, kids came along and she didn't even get to experience the fun young married couples do. This will need counselling and professional advice as it is a deep issue and a ver valid and serious concern about your marriage. But counselling will not work until she is shocked out of this EA!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

This story seems almost identical to another from a week or so ago. I can't remember the title. Thought we might get some insight from that one.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Call immigration. Problem solved.
> 
> Hasta la vista, baby.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have this kind of leverage and she pulls this BS. She has zero respect for you. 

Do this and consider yourself lucky that you found out now and not when she was a legal resident.

Also, take precautions to ensure she can't get your kids out of the country. It will be a nightmare to get them back, if you can.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Reazon,

YOU do not leave the house.

If your WW insists on going through with seeing this POS, then tell her to not bother coming back.

Expose the EA ASAP to both of your families and all friends...as well as her plans to go see this drug dealing POS.

Inform them that you intend to file for D if she does not go no contact immediately and start to fix the M.

And she does not take the kids...her status will prevent her from taking them from you.

And drop a dime on this POS with his local police department.

Tell them he's been trying to seduce your WW, and through what you have discovered of their communication, he has told her he sells drugs in their area.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Your doing what so many BS do, you are taking the blame trying to excuse her behavior. You did not cause this. She will do and say anything to get what she wants remember that. She must own this problem all on her own.

She has a choice, either end affair now or end the marriage. I have an employee who did almost this exact thing several years ago now. She was never the same person after her ONS out of state fling. She then proceeded to party and sleep with many during the next year and blew up her life. Her husband divorced her. 

10 years later this woman will still tell you it was the dumbest thing she ever did and she hasn’t been happy since and is in a bad marriage now. Her husband found love and is happily married with kids. 

If she chooses to go, pack everything for her and buy her a one way ticket. You should speak with a lawyer as her immigration status and divorce. If she is an illegal alien I don’t think the marriage is even recognized by the courts. Your children I assume are citizens since you are the father and born in this country? She doesn’t have much legal ground to do anything since she isn’t a citizen


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Tell her that she can go fvck her dealer boyfriend but bring an HIV negative test with her when she comes back to that she can show it to the next man in her life.

Your wife is so shameless, there are only two explanations: she is total in love with him and her discernment is terrible. She will fall out of love with him. Unfortunately, her poor judgment will likely continue.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"I don’t think the marriage is even recognized by the courts."

No...it is recognized as a legal M.

However, it does not automatically grant the undocumented spouse legal status in the states.

She would actually have to return to her country of origin to file the appropriate paperwork to enter legally, though you can petition the court for an exception if it would cause undue strain for the family (very young kids, or kids with medical issues for example).

But, she will not prevail in any custody dispute if they D. She would be subject to deportation, and the kids will remain with the father since they are citizens.

In essence, his foolish WW could lose EVERYTHING if he goes to court for D.

He truly does have the upper hand legally here.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Sure... drive her to the OM and wait downstairs untill they finish the ONS. Oh.... and while your ther might as well get the money for the gas as a reward! But before this tell her that you saw a hot redheaded that really turns you on, and if she can call her an organize for you a ONS.
MAN... ARE YOU SERIUS? WAKE UP YOUR WW OUT OF THE FOG WITH A DRASTIC DECISION.: YOU KEEP EA OR WHATEVER THEN YOU SIGN THESE D. PAPERS!


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

reazon said:


> She wants me to let her have a ONS out of state with this guy and she wants to come back to me, and "fall back in love"?
> We try to communicate about this issue, we talk about this guy. She admits that there is no future with this guy, NO JOB, sell drugs, living with wife and kid, (which they live an open marriage relationship) and has another kid with another woman, Just bad news. She claims it's a physical attraction and that's it. she says she never experienced life like i had, ( I was a single bachelor all my 20's), so she wants to **** this guy and end all communication with him, come back to me to work on us for rest of our lives. WTF?


:scratchhead:

Just what kind of drugs is this guy selling, because it sounds to me like she's doing them and they've done a real number on her cognitive processes.
Has she always been this loony?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Seems like she married you for a green card. Are you sure your daughter is yours? You were separated for three weeks. Don't be afraid to divorce her to protect her from being deported. All she wants from you is a green card.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ripper said:


> You have this kind of leverage and she pulls this BS. She has zero respect for you.
> 
> Do this and consider yourself lucky that you found out now and not when she was a legal resident.
> 
> Also, take precautions to ensure she can't get your kids out of the country. It will be a nightmare to get them back, if you can.


She has no respect for herself. This needs to be addressed first, I think, before respect for her husband and children is even thought of.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

reazon said:


> thanks for all comments, it helps.
> 
> also forgot to mention that she entertained the idea of me driving her to texas to do this! And come back to do whatever to fix us, agreed to be transparent after this. I don't want to give up on her yet, she needs help but won't go, we had a counseling session 2 days ago, but she cancelled last minute. i should've went anyway.
> Don't know if she's lost in this fantasy or what. Our sex life is great.
> ...


You need to do a LOT of reading here. So far you have done nothing right. Every thought you have is questionable.

For example, how do you know he is in an open marriage? Did his wife tell you that? Thought so.

Keep reading. The number one thing you have to relate to her, even if you cant do it, is to make her think you are alright with her going to see him and not letting her come back.

Your wife is a cheater, believe nothing that comes out of her mouth. The other man would be glad to lay her but that's all.

Get in touch with his wife and tell her what their plan is. Watch it all hit the fan.


Get the two books linked to below, and remember, "nice guys finish last."


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> I went through a similar situation with my wife.
> 
> We got through it, somehow, but it is not easy.
> 
> We didn't have children, which does make a difference.


Matt, you make it sounds like he should just lay down and take it. Cant believe you wrote this.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

A drug dealer? wtf?

How do you know he is a drug dealer? Do you have any communication where he states he is one? If so, Contact DEA ASAP and forward all the evidence. Let's see how the OM handles DEA.

Now, do what Pepper123 posted.like.yesterday. Stop enabling her. Also file for D and make her leave the home without the kids. If this doesn't snap her out of the fog, nothing else will.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

reazon said:


> also forgot to mention that she entertained the idea of me driving her to texas to do this!


 She wants you to drive her to Texas so she can have her fling with the guy. Hell man, all that does is make you her pimp.

What are you going to be doing while she's screwing this guy, wait in the car and listen to the radio?

There comes a point in time when you have to start thinking what's best for your children. They need one of their parents to act like one. She isn't so that leaves you. 

She not a citizen but your kids are. All you have to do is tell her no and to leave and have a good life with this loser. She has no means of supporting herself let alone the kids so losing the kids is something I wouldn't worry about.

She has no respect for you or the marriage and it's time you tell her to hit the road. If she's ready to do this now, then down the road she's going to do it again so stop feeling sorry for her and take charge of your life and be the father your kids need in their lives.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

She must be gorgeous or a helluva lay or both.

You met her when she was 20, you were 28. She couldn't go to school, she can't work. She managed to seduce you, get you to impregnate her, get you to marry her, impregnate again for good measure.

NOW she says she has fallen out of love with you. Wants to boink a drug dealer in Texas, since she missed out on her wild 20s years. Show of hands, ladies, how many of you crossed boinked Texas drug dealer in your 20s off your bucket list?

My friend, you were a mark. An easy one at that. A guy she can sink her fangs into. You were a means to an end.

Get her out of your life yesterday. Doesn't matter how or what happens to her. DNA the kids make sure they are yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reazon (Apr 18, 2014)

Thanks everyone for the support.
I do feel the inevitable is going to happen, us separating and poss. a D. Unless she gets help.
I live in Utah where the woman is favored at first with the kids. That said, if I kick her out she has nowhere to go and will take my kids with her at all costs. She threatened me to not to take the kids.
I do not want to leave my kids!
I think I'm just trying to justify a reason to stay here and work on our relationship, open her eyes, and see when the time comes if she really does go to Texas, then at that point I make my move to leave.
Btw, she wants to one and done ONS in July when her braces come off.
I feel like I have 2 months to save this marriage. 
I know I sound really naive and stupid. Just really lost in the mind right nite
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

reazon said:


> Thanks everyone for the support.
> I do feel the inevitable is going to happen, us separating and poss. a D. Unless she gets help.
> I live in Utah where the woman is favored at first with the kids. That said, if I kick her out she has nowhere to go and will take my kids with her at all costs. She threatened me to not to take the kids.
> I do not want to leave my kids!
> ...


I definitely agree with the last part.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dude. You are in a war. Start your intel operations and tell her she takes it physical she gets a nice divorce. Put wrist watch gps in your kids.

Time to be mean.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

I know that you want to believe her and trade the ONS for a rest of your life relationship, but that is not what will happen. The ONS will only tie her more firmly to him and nothing but misery to your life. You need to consult with an attorney. You don’t need to file, but you need to know your rights. You need to figure out a plan before the separation, not after she leaves with the kids. Do you have any family support that could help you with the children? Have you exposed the EA to close friends and family?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Letting her screw another dude will mess you up twice as bad.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

reazon said:


> Thanks everyone for the support.
> I do feel the inevitable is going to happen, us separating and poss. a D. Unless she gets help.
> I live in Utah where the woman is favored at first with the kids. That said, if I kick her out she has nowhere to go and will take my kids with her at all costs. She threatened me to not to take the kids.
> I do not want to leave my kids!
> ...


Other than whining and moping around, you aren't doing anything. OM is a drug dealer. Report him to DEA. Hand over D papers to your WW. Disconnect internet, cell phone connections.

Looks like TAMers are more interested in holding your family together than you.


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## reazon (Apr 18, 2014)

Well this is gonna be tough, I am going to give her the ultimatum of lets work on us, go to counseling, and be transparent, and stopping all communication with OM. Or else sign these D papers.
I don't want to be the one to leave, but given the current situation, might be best for me to leave until she can work and support herself. 
That's my dilemma
She will leave with the kids no matter what. She is a good mother to them, at least.
I need advise as to whether to stay here until she can work, so I can enjoy every moment with my kids, because it won't be the same when we split up. Or just leave now.
Thanks for advise
I plan on doing this sometime next week after Easter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

reazon said:


> Well this is gonna be tough, I am going to give her the ultimatum of lets work on us, go to counseling, and be transparent, and stopping all communication with OM. Or else sign these D papers.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Action speaks louder than words. Just hand her the D papers.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

This story is unreal. Gets crazier as we go. 
Not sure what else to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

No ultimatums necessary. Give her the divorce papers now. Your wife told you she wants a ONS. Good enough for me. 

Waiting until after the braces come off? That's so she can suck his c--k uninhibited. Braces you paid for, I reckon. You chose a real winner. 

And stop saying she will take the kids no matter what. You do have rights, Utah, or anywhere else. Especially since she is in this country illegally. Hell, pack up the kids in the dead of night, head out of town, what's she going to do? 

I will say it one more time and then I will stop posting.

THIS WOMAN IS A DANGER TO YOUR CHILDREN. GET THEM AWAY FROM HER.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Ditto, she has no right to take your kids. No one can. Is she a drug user? She's seems to want to take off for the ONS guy who is. If she is, you should seek an attorney and remove your kids for safety reasons. Stop being afraid of her. 

Read this, all of it:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

And disconnect your internet and her cell phone. If she wants to talk to him, make her work for it. Watch your back account.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jambri (Mar 19, 2013)

"I think I'm just trying to justify a reason to stay here and work on our relationship, open her eyes, and see when the time comes if she really does go to Texas, then at that point I make my move to leave.
Btw, she wants to one and done ONS in July when her braces come off.
I feel like I have 2 months to save this marriage. 
I know I sound really naive and stupid. Just really lost in the mind right nite"

No, you sound like a willing cuckold. Put on your big boy pants, stop being so passive and do what needs to be done. Divorce this nightmare NOW and be done with it. And tell her you will be going for custody since she has shown she is incapable of making sane decisions about her life and her childrens' lives as well.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

reazon said:


> Well this is gonna be tough, I am going to give her the ultimatum of lets work on us, go to counseling, and be transparent, and stopping all communication with OM. Or else sign these D papers.
> I don't want to be the one to leave, but given the current situation, might be best for me to leave until she can work and support herself.
> That's my dilemma
> She will leave with the kids no matter what. She is a good mother to them, at least.
> ...


If you think she is bad now, wait til she gets her green card. Dump her man, she has zero respect for you.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Let me just be a little gentle here...

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LEAVE YOUR HOUSE OR YOUR KIDS

I am quiet amazed at the "I love you but not in love with you" speech after just 6 years. 
I know it is hard to decipher. I had a go at doing that on my blog but I am not sure it applies in this case.

An EA over that length of time is a powerful thing. They have constructed a fantasy of epic proportions. 
Asking for a ONS is just part of it. 
You need to say no. 
I suspect you don't say no very often in the relationship and she is not used to hearing it. 

NO.. A powerful word.

As others have said you need to look at your life and start to make adjustments.

Single Dad with two small children. 
Ex wife who is illegal and will lose access

This is significantly and irrevocably going to change your life.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

wait.. wait..

" She will leave with the kids no matter what"

Er no..That is not going to happen.

If she wants to cheat on you she leaves. She leaves the kids with you. She leaves the house and she goes

You offer generous visitation rights and it may be useful to draw these up now before she consummates her new relationship and life with the Texas drug dealer. You are dumping consequences and reality on her. 

She is not going to like it but nobody ever "niced" anyone out of an affair!

Edit..
How can a good Mother put the financial and emotional security of her children so far down the list? This does not add up and you need to wake up to that. 

Your job now is to protect your children and the way you do that is to take their side. 
Listen to the tough love on here. It is about you, your kids. Your wife has bailed out. She may wake up and see her idiocy but not unless she sees the reality of this decision.

I hold out little hope for your marriage. Your new primary objective is the safety and security of you and your children. This _may_ have the side effect of saving your marriage.

I know all this sounds harsh and she will hate you for it. It doesn't matter at this stage. She hates you anyway.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Why don't you just tell her that if she tries to leave with the kids, you'll report her as an illegal taking her kids that are US citizens let her know that she will be reported and deported if she tries to take the kids. Hand her the divorce and see if any court will let a illegal take the kids across the border. I doubt it very much.

I think you might have the trump card with that.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

reazon said:


> I blame myself for her actions and I never changed.


Hi and welcome to TAM. Yes, many posters here did the same thing. Look, sometimes it is true, but what I have read and found is it is rarely that bad. It's even funnier/sadder when you hear the stories from a spouse working all day, as they went down to one income, denigrating themselves for their stay at home spouse's actions. You need to stop that right now. You probably changed, it just wasn't good enough for her. Read around, you'll experience many stories where the spouse did everything possible and the cheater found a way to be unhappy.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Hi and welcome to TAM. Yes, many posters here did the same thing. Look, sometimes it is true, but what I have read and found is it is rarely that bad. It's even funnier/sadder when you hear the stories from a spouse working all day, as they went down to one income, denigrating themselves for their stay at home spouse's actions. You need to stop that right now. You probably changed, it just wasn't good enough for her. Read around, you'll experience many stories where the spouse did everything possible and the cheater found a way to be unhappy.


QFT.

And on many occasions the unhappiness did not manifest itself until the affair started.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Don't give an ultimatum or draw a line in the sand you're not 100% sure you're willing to back up once the line is crossed. Personally I think you just need to file for divorce. Don't warn her, don't talk about it, especially don't plead, beg, or try to reason with her. Not only is none of that going to work, you're going to drive her into someone else's arms even faster acting the way you have been with her, which is pretty weak. Divorce is a long process and you can always call it off before it's final. It's not only to help you move on in case things really do fall through, but it will give you some measure of control. Because it's obvious that not only do you seem to have none, you're afraid to even try to take it. Filing for divorce and will let your wife know you're serious and her actions have consequences. It will cause her to seriously have to face the idea of losing her family. Which is not going to happen as long as you keep pu$$y footing.

Your wife obviously has no respect for you and from the 4 posts you've made I'm not seeing much self-respect on your part either. Those 2 things alone will drive a woman away. Personally from what you've told me I have no idea why you want to hold onto a woman like that. And like someone else said you might want to DNA test your daughter, yes yes like every other man who is told to do this I'm sure your daughter "looks just like you" so she MUST be yours -_- Do it anyway and make sure your wife knows.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Driver her down to Texas and leave her ass there.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

reazon said:


> also forgot to mention that she entertained the idea of me driving her to texas to do this! And come back to do whatever to fix us, agreed to be transparent after this.


 The fact that she even discussed with you the idea that you would actually drive her to Texas so that you can wait outside the other man's place as she went inside with the expressed intent of f**king the other man, and that this was a precondition to her agreeing to be transparent with you after you caught her cheating, shows you just how little respect she has for you as her husband. Since she would not have discussed this option with you without having first discussed it with the other man (OM), this means that the OM must think of you as a total joke of a man. I cannot beleive that you are not more angry. I cannot believe that you did not take immediate action when she told you this instead of waiting until after Easter. As for you using the children as an excuse for your weak action, if your children were really your primary concern, you would have already met with an attorney that would have told you what you needed to do to protect your rights and theirs.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

sandc said:


> Driver her down to Texas and leave her ass there.


I wouldn't stop at Texas. I'd go one border further.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

reazon said:


> we discussed to no court action for child support, she can have everything, she knows i'll pay for my kids


 You do know that no matter what she says now, after she has everything that you own she will file and recovery past child support (as if you had not been helping all along) as well as future child support. There is almost zero chance that she will not do this, and even if she does not, once she files for any financial aid, the state will go after you for the past and future child support. I had a co-worker that although he took care of the children when his wife was in prison, filed for and recovered for the child support that he did not pay while he had the children.

You operate out of fear and lack of information and believe almost everything that you are told by you wife. Until you stop listening to her and operate from real information, you will only be digging yourself deeper and deeper into the hole that you are now in.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Ah yes, the amicable divorce. We have stories of that one too. Guess what? Most stories on TAM end with the betrayed, even women, getting screwed out of something. Some down play it, but when you read their threads they got higher alimony, child support, more out of their pension etc. etc. etc. The end up with almost the exact opposite of amicable.

Oops, there was one where he was happy she got a much lower cut of his pension. The only way to make her really pay was not to ever retire........

As I did, amicable is fine, go to court too cover yourself. I did and it helped me on multiple occasions. My favorite was when my ex-gf decided she was going to move out of town with my oldest.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

*What if you move out and her drug dealer friend comes to visit. What if she makes other such friends who are local and they visit her. She wants to sleep with other men because she 'missed out'. Where will your children be in the middle of all that. Because she is very determined to do it. Look at her Texas trip plans. You would drive her there to have sex with a no hope drug dealer? UGH!*

*For the sake of your innocent little children STAY IN YOUR HOME WITH THEM.*

You need to apply for a quick divorce because your kids may get exposed to lowlife men. Move her out. Tell all that to the judge and when he/she hears the word 'drug dealer' you will get full custody automatically I would say. 

Please tell your family everything. You will have to put your kids in child care for now when you're at work or perhaps your mother/aunt etc can mind them. 

You have no choice except D. Do you think she is overnight going to decide that a ONS with a lowlife is going to fix her need to try out others? Do you want to be with a woman who would ask you to drive her to Texas to have a ONS with a drug dealer. And what would you do, wait outside in the car? It's sickening. 

I think this situation is far too serious to be on an infidelity site. Your children are a great risk given who your wife has been inviting into her life and consequently theirs. 

*Wake up Reazon. *Protect your little ones starting now. And BTW, she was right. She doesn't love you. No woman who loves her man would ask what she asked. It's disgusting. No marriage could come back from that.

PS BTW, I'm still hoping this thread isn't for real.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

reazon said:


> . She claims it's a physical attraction and that's it. she says she never experienced life like i had, ( I was a single bachelor all my 20's), so she wants to **** this guy and end all communication with him, come back to me to work on us for rest of our lives. WTF?
> i can't do it,* but I'm willing to do whatever for my kids*, they are young, I know they will be fine, but not the same.
> I'm scared, lost....................any and all comments appreciated


No you're not. You're not willing to throw your kids into boiling water, just because your W would like to see how long it takes for their skin to come off, are you? 

Letting her go have an ONS with this guy is asinine, and I can't even believe you would let her say those kinds of things without blowing your ever-loving TOP. 

She's an idiot, and is making you look like one. There's no way she will come back and "fall in love" with you again. She will just want more, and want you to fall in step with her new fould single life, being supported by good old mr/ Cuckold at home. 

Start the 180, talk to an attorney. Your married life is seriously close to terminal.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

sandc said:


> Driver her down to Texas and leave her ass there.


Dont mess with Texas!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Thound said:


> Dont mess with Texas!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Apparently she wants to mess with Texas.


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

Every single time I read a post on this board where a man is scared to leave or make a move because he will lose his children, I want to punch my computer. 

Fight for your kids!!!! Who the hell said you have to leave them behind??

And for God's sake, stop paying for Wifi and her damn cell phone!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

sandc said:


> Apparently she wants to mess with Texas.


Most people do not know where that phrase came from. It was an public sevice announcment about keeping trash off the highways here in the Lone Star State. Oh and Happy San Jacinto day everyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

reazon said:


> Well this is gonna be tough, I am going to give her the ultimatum of lets work on us, go to counseling, and be transparent, and stopping all communication with OM. Or else sign these D papers.
> I don't want to be the one to leave, but given the current situation, might be best for me to leave until she can work and support herself.
> That's my dilemma
> She will leave with the kids no matter what. She is a good mother to them, at least.
> ...


She's a stay at home mom right. Cancel the internet and take over 100% control over the finances. See how well it works with no internet and no cell phone etc. to contact her boy friend. Eliminate all spending money everything.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

Something is fundamentally changing in our society for the worse. I have been around these forums awhile, and it still baffles me some of the really heartless, conniving, manipulative and selfish things people do to others.

I mean wow. Wait a few months to get braces off for best possible appearance, lay on another man's bed and let him repeatedly ejaculate in her, see if she can convince other man to "be hers" so she can callously dump her husband and upgrade, all while having her husband pay for the process and stand as a fallback in case her plan doesnt work?? 

It did not used to be this way. Sure, cheating has always existed, but people at least had enough shame to feel bad for their transgressions instead of practically FLAUNTING their selfishness. More and more of this is occuring today- its the same reason we have more nuts shooting up schools, raping children, etc- its a perversion of self-interest.

This perversion of self-interest has to be due to the extreme perversion of our economic system or something. Makes some sense to me. I mean "middle class" and "poor class" people have less and less power as wealth is more and more dominated by the wealthy- what power does anyone else have? The wack-jobs respond with savage usage of force. Other wack jobs respond by treating love as a hedonistic tool. Amazing.

OP: Dump her like a sack of angry skunks and RUN. Considering how heartless she is, I would get proof of her trip, wait until she leaves, change the locks on the house and file for divorce. If you can conclusively prove she left the marital home for sex with another man who is a drug dealer, you can literally play the "unfit to be a mother" card. She is a hedonistic sl*t with sh!t for a conscience, and that is NOT the type of person you want to remain married with.

**EDIT** I have to wonder if this winner gets some kind of sick pleasure from making her husband hurt? I mean she couldn't possibly be so dumb as to not realize he's in pain over this, so is it that she doesnt care, she enjoys it, or both??


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

reazon said:


> *We separated when my son was 1.5yr, she then told me she was not in love, but I persisted on keeping the family together,that i would change my ways, so she moved back in 3 weeks later. That's when she got prego with my daughter.*


*Not really desiring to cast a pall on all of this, but if I were you, I think that I'd have a paternity test done on her daughter! Just saying!*


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> .
> 
> **EDIT** I have to wonder if this winner gets some kind of sick pleasure from making her husband hurt? I mean she couldn't possibly be so dumb as to not realize he's in pain over this, so is it that she doesnt care, she enjoys it, or both??


What this woman is doing is almost word or word what my Ex did and I have a theory why.. 

It is now possible to transmit and receive written thoughts, photos and words instantly. This is a huge change from only a few years ago when it was letters and even emails are slow by comparison to IM.
It is easy to misunderstand the intended tone of a text. It allows for the person on the other end to use their imagination to fill in the gaps. Sometime this causes embarrassment but it can also be used to flirt.

"Your so bad!"
"Your so bad! "

Just one smiley changes the tone completely 

As the EA progresses the affair partners share more and more of their lives, but only the edited highlights . 
The gaps become as important as the information exchanged.

"He doesn't know me "

Responds: Slowly.

"no. "
" Want to see you just once.. To feel you so close"


The guy online offers support in her _difficult situation_. 
She talks about the washing, how you never help. 
He is there on the end of the IM. He talks about his job, how he would never let it get to this stage. 
He wishes he could see her... 

The longing is intense precisely because of the distance created via the technology and the mode of communication.

He is now the caring and distant love. She tells him every little thing you do that hurts her. He offers support. Flirts with her and before long they are sending photos. Then; graphic ones. She wants to believe him. He wants to believe her. The gaps widen and the intensity increases, the timing of a response all become important. 


"Your bad.."
Space.
Time. 
"Yes. my love..."

She wants to see him. Telling OP "just once" because that is what she believes. She thinks it will be once. 
She needs to see this caring amazing man who knows her every thought. 
You no longer figure in this beyond a ride to see him so she asks you. She informs you of this. In her mind nothing has happened yet. She knows that this will bring it out into the open and she needs you to say NO.

She is pushing for a NO because this is further evidence of your controlling nature, further proof of the everything that her AP told her would happen if she asked you. 

"He doesn't own you! "

The OM needs drama to be generated. It is cruel. It is barbaric and it is sick, but your wife wants drama because now she hanging on every partial sentence that promises validation from this new man.

What to do..

B]Diffuse and disarm[/B]

Do not fight her.. At all.


Yes. I agree ( don't DO anything for her. Just agree)
I can imagine how difficult it would be. ( offer no solutions)
I am sure you will work it out ( again no solutions)

*Talk about your relationship in past tense
*

Yes there _were_ good times
Pity we could not _have_ stayed together.
Start to take over for "when she has left"
Always past tense.

Do not mention other guy at all. He is no concern of yours. Unimportant.

Hold off the Divorce for a while because this generates lots of drama for her and you don't want that.

Hold separating of finances. 



She will try and engage you. Your judging me! Making me feel bad! Controlling me! You don't own me!

She will push every button you have. 
She will say incredibly hurtful things.

It may be useful to think of it as if she is going on an overseas vacation rather than what she is actually trying to do.

*Every time you respond. Every word you say is fueling the EA. 
All they have is the things you say. The things you do.*

Document everything timed and dated.

If she continues with this fantasy you go full nuclear so be ready to do that. Let her know that you will do this. Carefully, gently and respectfully.
Warp 9. 
Alpha Quadrant.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

ing said:


> What this woman is doing is almost word or word what my Ex did and I have a theory why..
> 
> It is now possible to transmit and receive written thoughts, photos and words instantly. This is a huge change from only a few years ago when it was letters and even emails are slow by comparison to IM.
> It is easy to misunderstand the intended tone of a text. It allows for the person on the other end to use their imagination to fill in the gaps. Sometime this causes embarrassment but it can also be used to flirt.
> ...


Very well worded on the first half of this. I have often thought "tech paints a rosy picture because you dont see all the truth," but you explain it much more thoroughly than that.

I have to say though, I disagree on one thing: I think she knows its going to be sex, and I think she already has a plan of how to replace him. I could be wrong here and you could be right. Just IMO...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Matt, you make it sounds like he should just lay down and take it. Cant believe you wrote this.


No, just pointing out that his situation might be recoverable, as mine was, eventually. But it wasn't easy. Far from it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> Letting her screw another dude will mess you up twice as bad.


Yes, it does screw you up. Not a t-shirt I like wearing...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Stop. Do NOT take her over the State line! *

It is a prima facie breach of the so-called Mann Act.

The Mann Act is not merely about prostitution, it also covers "debauchery and immoral acts" and what your wife proposes (a tryst with a self-confessed drug dealer) could be held to be both debauched and immoral. And YOU would be held legally responsible!

http://www.hawaii.edu/hivandaids/The Mann Act (1910).pdf


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Any mother who offers herself to a lowlife drug dealer is unfit to be either a mother or a wife. Period. 

Let her go OP. 

She can then have sex with as many lowlifes as she likes. And drive herself there! The drug dealer must also be a twisted if she told him she asked you to drive her to him. Ugh! It's barbaric! 

Right now you are at the mercy of these appalling and uncivilised people. You need to get out of it yesterday.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> Very well worded on the first half of this. I have often thought "tech paints a rosy picture because you dont see all the truth," but you explain it much more thoroughly than that.
> 
> I have to say though, I disagree on one thing: I think she knows its going to be sex, and I think she already has a plan of how to replace him. I could be wrong here and you could be right. Just IMO...


I think I may reword it because that is not what I meant.. Ill have another go.

At this point in the EA I do not think she has him replaced . 
In her mind H is still plan A, but he is awful and mean.
She may have to opt for plan B because of that. 
She _thinks_ she has made up her mind but is only just about to start seeing the consequences of her decision.


Having sex with the guy will be a test drive of her new life and if she actually goes ahead and does that rather than just talking about it then I am all in favour of the nuclear option.

He has a couple of months to pull her back from the brink though and it is worth a shot since they have kids.

This is why it is so important that he does not leave his kids and stays in the house.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> *Stop. Do NOT take her over the State line! *
> 
> It is a prima facie breach of the so-called Mann Act.
> 
> ...


"Oh! I am terribly sorry but according to The Mann Act (1910), 36 Stats., Vol. I, p. 825 (1910). For your own protection I can not take you to Texas. By the way were you wanting to take the kids with us?"


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

You must be EXTREMELY Beta for she has the courage to ask you to sleep with another man. She saw the possibility that you'd allow her do that(which in fact is true) so she thought she'd give it a try...and apparently she didnt go wrong about that. It's going as she had foreseen. 

Besides the inability to put your foot on the ground and reclaim self-respect, she feels the weakness in you and your lack of manhood, which will be hard to have back... (judging by your loose process of thoughts and thinking twice whether to let her go or not.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

OP hasn't posted in a few days. I wonder if he is actually working on getting his kids to safety or perhaps penning columns on other forums.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

reazon, You need to insist that your cheater tell you just what it is that this guy she wants to screw has that you can't give to her. If it's clear that you have no way to provide it, then you may as well just dump her and get it over with.
Judging from the way you presented your first post, it might well be a good idea if you get paternity tests for both of your children,


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

You OK Reazon?


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## reazon (Apr 18, 2014)

anks all, your comments help. Battling some demons, decisions. Keep y'all posted. Thanks again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Tell her that if she goes, don't bother coming back! 

If she leaves to go meet up with this guy, the minute she walks out the door, change the locks. If she comes back, don't let her in. She made a choice, and the choice wasn't you or the family.

If she calls the cops, when they arrive, just say, "Sorry Officer, I don't know who this person is (technically, you wouldn't be lying)." IF she protests, then ask for her to prove it! If she's illegal, she'll have no documentation. Just make sure the kids are staying with your parents for a few days.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

intheory said:


> @reazon
> 
> I am going to go "tough love" on you.
> 
> ...


He isn't pathetic. He is deeply in love with someone who might not deserve his love.

He does need to toughen up with her. 

Yeah, I get the blah, blah, blah about tough love but calling hurting people 'pathetic' is not cool.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

crossbar said:


> Tell her that if she goes, don't bother coming back!
> 
> If she leaves to go meet up with this guy, the minute she walks out the door, change the locks. If she comes back, don't let her in. She made a choice, and the choice wasn't you or the family.
> 
> If she calls the cops, when they arrive, just say, "Sorry Officer, I don't know who this person is (technically, you wouldn't be lying)." IF she protests, then ask for her to prove it! If she's illegal, she'll have no documentation. Just make sure the kids are staying with your parents for a few days.


I love this post


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## Lefacade (Jan 10, 2014)

My heart breaks for you man.

Unfortunately, you wife no longer see's what you provide to her and her children. You have to remind her of that by taking it away or at least making a believable threat that you are taking it away. Right now she's trying to be a cake eater(have it both ways). But the good news is you control half of that. So don't let her have it both ways. Show her you're serious and visit a lawyer and have the papers drawn up. It's time to give her an ultimatum.

If you continue to go down the "I love you and will do anything path", she will continue to lose respect for you and in a few months after the hurt subsides, the anger will come and you'll hate yourself for not being decisive earlier. Trust me I know.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

reazon said:


> anks all, your comments help. Battling some demons, decisions. Keep y'all posted. Thanks again
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dont be shy if you need to vent. We enjoy helping people here (or trying our best to do so), and that includes just listening. I make it a point to read every post made, especially by the OP- I am positive others do the same.

Sometimes, once youve set out on a path to move forward, there really is nothing you can do but hurt and hopefully heal- you have to give that electrochemical brain of yours a chance to recover from the loss (of woman, of security, of former life, of dreams, etc). Many men are too proud to let it out, but know we wont judge you if your world's falling apart and you need to talk about it. Not trying to bring the sap, but throwing it out there nonetheless.

Good luck brotha'!


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

ing said:


> I think I may reword it because that is not what I meant.. Ill have another go.
> 
> At this point in the EA I do not think she has him replaced .
> In her mind H is still plan A, but he is awful and mean.
> ...


Ahh I see.

I disagree believing instead that hubby is plan B. That said, it is entirely just an opinion of feeling on my part, and you may very well be right. I agree with the rest though- this is a test drive, etc..


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I'm beating a dead horse here. I'm putting aside the whole "she wants to sow her wild oats and relive her 20s" aspect .

She is being pursued by and pursuing a drug dealer. Now there are different definitions and "levels" of drug dealers. I've watched enough Breaking Bad to realize all drug dealers aren't created equally.

But as a father, you have a responsibility to assume the worst. She is inviting this man into her family circle. Yeah, maybe she one-and-done with him. Maybe he wants more? Maybe he takes a drive from Texas to get "what's his" after she has discarded him. She gets a knock on the door while your kids are watching TV. 

Who knows what this guy is capable of???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I'm beating a dead horse here. I'm putting aside the whole "she wants to sow her wild oats and relive her 20s" aspect .
> 
> She is being pursued by and pursuing a drug dealer. Now there are different definitions and "levels" of drug dealers. I've watched enough Breaking Bad to realize all drug dealers aren't created equally.
> 
> ...


Or it could be drug dealer = little boy still living at home who pretends to be all sorts of things that he isn't.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Or it could be drug dealer = little boy still living at home who pretends to be all sorts of things that he isn't.


True enough. Not a gamble I'm willing to risk my kids on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

reazon said:


> . But she tells me she wants to have fun before commiting the rest of her life to me. She wants me to let her have a ONS out of state with this guy and she wants to come back to me, and "fall back in love"?
> We try to communicate about this issue, we talk about this guy. She admits that there is no future with this guy, NO JOB, sell drugs, living with wife and kid, (which they live an open marriage relationship) and has another kid with another woman, Just bad news. She claims it's a physical attraction and that's it. she says she never experienced life like i had, ( I was a single bachelor all my 20's), so she wants to **** this guy and end all communication with him, come back to me to work on us for rest of our lives. WTF?


say yes to her request


except for the "her coming back part"...let the skank stay with him


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

There is a LOT more to being a good mother (father as well) than keeping kids clothed and fed...the example she is setting is HORRIBLE...unless she wants a son with women issues and a daughter who turns into a stripper...she is NOT a good mother, she is selfish and manipulative, and delusional...get her away from your kids and keep her away

she can NOT take your kids if she is in the ins custody awaiting deportation...

I cant believe you still have things to ponder, act on this NOW


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Or it could be drug dealer = little boy still living at home who pretends to be all sorts of things that he isn't.


The OM could have been anyone. If it weren't this guy, it'd of been someone else. She gave OP the ILYBINILWY speech. She then went looking for a connection and found one.

If she never meets this guy, it won't matter much. She'll just find another.

If she does meet this guy, has sex and finds that it wasn't nearly as good as she thought it would be, it won't end there. She'll just keep looking and trying.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

The woman makes bad decisions. Who would want her around anyways? A one nighter with a Drug Dealer?? Really???
Time to cut this Sloth lose.


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## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

look up cuckold


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Reazon, what country is your "illegal" wife from? I want to warn you, in case nobody else has. You need to be EXTREMELY CAREFUL and TACTICAL on handling this situation. I live in Texas. I have seen something similar with a neighbor. He married a Guatamalen woman. She did it mainly to become a citizen, but they had babies. Things in the marriage went south, and when the divorce papers came out, she left, WITH THE CHILDREN, and took them to Central America, which is super easy to do on the Mexican-American border. You had better make damned sure you have your children secure before you take drastic action or you risk NEVER seeing them again. Please be careful.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

missthelove2013 said:


> There is a LOT more to being a good mother (father as well) than keeping kids clothed and fed...the example she is setting is HORRIBLE...unless she wants a son with women issues and a daughter who turns into a stripper...she is NOT a good mother, she is selfish and manipulative, and delusional...get her away from your kids and keep her away
> 
> she can NOT take your kids if she is in the ins custody awaiting deportation...
> 
> I cant believe you still have things to ponder, act on this NOW


This is good advice. You really should consider INS. This woman is a loose cannon. If she is from south of the border, than you DO NOT want to risk her taking them as you may NEVER see them again. You have more rights than she does. USE THEM!


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

I agree. Chances of this being nonfiction? Maybe 10%.

My favorite is when the responders say something, and the OP runs with it.

Example, "Maybe you should offer to drive her there yourself?"

Answer, "you know what, she DID suggest I take her to Texas!"

Um, okay.


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## HubbyDaddy2013 (Jul 2, 2013)

Your wife is a terrible mother. She sits on her ass, and plays video games all day while the kids get into things. The house is probably messy. She is on her phone constantly, and does not pay them any attention. She doesn't take them to places or the park much. She is doing a minimum job of being a mother...I guarantee it! 

Do you also end up washing the kids laundry on your day off as well? Do the dishes sit in the sink for a couple days all the time before being washed? Does your wife cook dinner when you get home? Or are you going out and buying take out all the time? 

When you really evaluate things you will ealize how poor a job your wife is doing as a mother. ...I did that with my wife. Your wife is probably lazy like mine was. She might even be self centered. She has lots of issues man! 

With that said. You need to be aggressive. Break her phone if you have to! Demand she find a Marriage Counselor for the both of you to see! Also expose this EA to her family, and yours. You need to shame her. She is single handedly trying to destroy you family! You need to fight for what is right. You need access to all of her phones, ipads, computers etc. 

She needs to stop communicating with this person. Maybe disconnect the Sony PlayStation. ...It's her punishment. ...Maybe go and pawn the darn thing, take some cash from it, and get it back when she has shown you that she is willing to work on your marriage, and turn a new leaf. 

You provide everything for her. She needs to tread you like a good, loving wife should. Anything less, and she needs to hit the road. 

This talk about her going to **** a drug dealer....**** THAT. That deserves a good slap in the face. Get her mom to slap some sense into her. She needs to wake the F up and get with the program. How disrespectful!


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

intheory said:


> Gabriel,
> 
> "My favorite is when the responders say something, and the OP runs with it.
> 
> ...


Look at Post #4, then look at Post #6


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## reazon (Apr 18, 2014)

well unfortunately this story is 100% real. We have had a couple of fallouts, I finally have disconnected from her. I threw her ass out about 2 weeks ago, told her she can have a great life with this loser. it felt good. However, she came back that night, threw herself on the floor begging and apologizing, saying she's stupid, and doesn't want to lose me. She's agreed to stop all communication with I'M, and be totally transparent with me. 
We have gone to 2 marriage counseling sessions so far. She's showing signs of willingness and guilt.

She does take care of our kids, does not neglect, she cooks, cleans for me.

Maybe she saw that I was strong and not weak anymore, meaning I am ok with moving on with my life without her.

Still confused, but taking things very cautiously, and preparing for the worst.

I know I sound stupid, but if she's willing to prove to me that she wants thus family intact
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reazon (Apr 18, 2014)

I WISH ALL THIS WAS F****KEn FAKE
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Thank you for being a man instead of a doormat....I truly wish there were other men in similar situation in this section who would do the same thing and grow a spine. You have proven to me that real men are not dead.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Reason. IF you wish and use Facebook. Pm me your link to your fb. Accept a friend request I will send. I will then ask you to make an innocuous looking post to your wall.

Again only if you wish. It has cleared up some doubts for several posters. Your real identity will never go further than me without explicit permission.

The post is usually a pick one of three like.
Write I a post about your pet or something.

Just one of the services I offer.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Reason. IF you wish and use Facebook. Pm me your link to your fb. Accept a friend request I will send. I will then ask you to make an innocuous looking post to your wall.
> 
> Again only if you wish. It has cleared up some doubts for several posters. Your real identity will never go further than me without explicit permission.
> 
> ...


I'm not taking sides. I do have one question though.

How long would it take to make a foney FB page?...


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

One with dates before today on the fb servers?

A long time


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

reazon said:


> I threw her ass out... she came back that night, threw herself on the floor begging and apologizing,
> 
> Maybe she saw that I was strong and not weak anymore,
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Reason,
You have successfully passed TAM lesson 101-observe what happened!

She snapped out of her foolish fog!

When you go into nice guy/doormat mode-observe what happens!

It only gets worse!



You don't have to be a jerk, but you must always show her that you have options, and if she proves undeserving of you ,you will move on!

You set your boundaries/deal breakers, and she meets them or she loses her status with you.

Stay the course!

.
.
.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

reazon said:


> I WISH ALL THIS WAS F****KEn FAKE
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here is a quote from amazon. Get the mmslp book asap



_ Enter the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. I blasted through the book in two days, Athol's style is informal and accessible (most of the content is modified from the blog) that makes this book an easy read despite a ton of content.

After reading the book I realize that being the "nice guy" husband isn't enough to get my needs met in the marriage and have started the "plan" to bettering myself. My wife responded positively almost immediately, but was confused at how abrupt the change was. I'm in a constant battle with myself right now, trying to undo years worth of self-defeating behaviors that I thought would help. Trust me, it's worth it.

Guys, I can not recommend this book highly enough. Athol provides a fresh new way of looking at your relationship and gives biological, evolutionary, and otherwise completely rational explanations for how relationships work.

If your wife has shut down on you and you're feeling trapped, the problem may not be that you just aren't doing enough housework, like I've seen other books recommend, but that you aren't giving your wife a man that is worth being attracted to.

In sum, if you're willing to put forth some effort, this book works. If you aren't getting what you want ou_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

intheory said:


> @reazon
> 
> Glad to hear you set her straight.
> 
> ...


Well put and that's it in a nutshell. It's called self-control. Some folks just don't have it.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Wish it was fake too. Good luck.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

These gamers are not in touch with reality. 

I've known some guys who are in to W of W and they are just not living on the same planet we are. 

If I were OP I'd take that computer and get rid of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> These gamers are not in touch with reality.
> 
> I've known some guys who are in to W of W and they are just not living on the same planet we are.
> 
> ...


This was thoroughly hashed out on SOUTH PARK. WoW doesn't have a place in normal society.


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

I have ONE friend that plays WoW responsibly. The rest. No way. Total zombies.


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## landon33 (Jul 13, 2012)

reazon said:


> well unfortunately this story is 100% real. We have had a couple of fallouts, I finally have disconnected from her. I threw her ass out about 2 weeks ago, told her she can have a great life with this loser. it felt good. However, she came back that night, threw herself on the floor begging and apologizing, saying she's stupid, and doesn't want to lose me. She's agreed to stop all communication with I'M, and be totally transparent with me.
> We have gone to 2 marriage counseling sessions so far. She's showing signs of willingness and guilt.
> 
> She does take care of our kids, does not neglect, she cooks, cleans for me.
> ...


You're just her support system. She doesn't truly love or respect you.


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## Singledude21 (Feb 21, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> These gamers are not in touch with reality.


Just about having your priorities straight. Gaming, just like any other type of entertainment can be very healthy for you if done with rational intake. Nothing wrong with wanting to play games every night as long as you're not putting everything else off to play them, like helping with your kids or something


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

reazon said:


> well unfortunately this story is 100% real. We have had a couple of fallouts, I finally have disconnected from her. I threw her ass out about 2 weeks ago, told her she can have a great life with this loser. it felt good. However, she came back that night, threw herself on the floor begging and apologizing, saying she's stupid, and doesn't want to lose me. She's agreed to stop all communication with I'M, and be totally transparent with me.
> We have gone to 2 marriage counseling sessions so far. She's showing signs of willingness and guilt.
> 
> She does take care of our kids, does not neglect, she cooks, cleans for me.
> ...


Well, when the same thing happened to me 16 years ago, it was all too real.

But we -somehow- got through it. We're still together, by the way.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

Gonna bump this thread. OP, how are you doing?


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