# How to help my wife



## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

I realize that I posted this on the wrong forum:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/9755-how-help-my-wife.html

Basically, my wife and I are happy, but she is very stressed and over-worked. She wants me to _help_ with housework, but resists relinquishing _responsibility_. The result is I can never meet her expectations of how exactly something should be done.

I guess what I am asking is, how can a husband convince his wife to let go of perfection in return for a life worth living?

She is 40, and I do not think she can handle this pace for much longer.

Thanks for your help.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I think I posted on your other one, but I will give it another shot here too. 

My husband and I sat down together while the kids were both in school for about two hours and talked. He asked me flat out "What is more important to you, me or the chores?" Of course I said he was. Then he told me something that shook me. "It doesn't feel that way". Whoa. He sat there, looked at me and told me flat out that he fully believed that I WANT to be going 1,000 miles an hour cleaning and doing everything when I SHOULD be enjoying my family. I kinda said okay, I'll work on it.

An hour later, my boys got home from school. They wanted snacks and juice and to watch a cartoon. Perfect I thought. They can do that while I finish up the.............chores. I realized I hadn't asked my children how their day was, hadn't hugged them yet, didn't even sit down and talk about homework. Just pushed them to the tv so I could fold laundry. 

........and my husband called me on it. I have since then made a conscious effort to lay down my MUST be done list and my CAN WAIT list. Hey, lets have a picnic, that laundry can wait. My husband almost passed out when I said it the first time.....


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