# New and Jumping in with my story



## scaredtochange (Feb 20, 2012)

To make a long story, kind of short, lol...My husband and I have been married 20 years, together for 23. Have 3 kids, age 16,9 and 2. Looking back I think he has always been unfaithfull (hindsight, i know). BUT, when I was preg with baby #3 he decided he didnt want to live with me anymore, told me he was living with friends and moved out ! I found out about4 months later that he had been living with another woman. I knew nothing about her and she thought he and I were divorced. He bounced back and forth between us for those 4 months until I found out....I demanded that he pick, her or his family. He picked his family and came back home.
We started talking about it and trying to figure out why it happened in the first place. I had to know what I did wrong to push him away
Blah Blah BLah...We worked it out, he swore to never do it again and we moved on...I decided I wanted to experience being intimate with another woman and of course he was all for that.
It worked out fine and no harm done. I was completely fine having a 3some because I knew she really didnt want him, kwim.

This was a year ago and isnt really the issue now.....
Now he has taken up hanging out all weekend at a friends bar, helping them and ending up staying all night (we have a RV) that he takes there for the weekends.
I have noticed over the past few weekends he is real friendly with one of the bartenders and texts her all day long. She is young and cute. It pisses me off.
He stays down there for days without seeing me and the kids and expects me to not be pissy with him when he gets home and still texts her.
I have considered just letting him go.....But it is hard to do.
I know he is happier there than here, no kids there and no responsibilities.
I just feel cheated out of a life being stuck here with the kids all the time and he seems to have so much freedom...
Anytime we try to talk about it, things get heated and nasty between us.
Trying to decide which way to take things and dont really have anyone close in real life to vent to.....
If this doesnt make sense, please let me know. Sometimes I think I just have a crazy thought process about all this.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Wow he isn't even trying to hide it.

I suggest you give him the choice.. the woman he married and his family or divorce and he can play with whoever he wants.

He can't have it both ways.

And after you divorce him and most of his income will be going to spousal and child support and he won't have much money left to spend on playthings like the young bartender, he'll be looking at a hard dose of reality which will be a much needed slap in the face, but by then his lack of attention/affection will no longer be your problem.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Since you are tired of being stuck with the kids while he parties, why not tell him that you want to have as many weekends and nights away from the kids and responsibilities as he gets. Suggest to him that you want to have an every other weekend schedule. He gets one weekend out and you get the next.

See how he responds to that.

No, I don’t think you should actually do this… except perhaps once to get idea across to him that he’s not just going off and doing his own thing. He’s leaving you with a lot of responsibility and ignoring his responsibilities.

He takes a trailer for the weekend to party. He’s cheating on you. That’s pretty clear. Have you thought about betting a sitter to say with the kids and you show up and surprise him? If you time it right you will most likely catch him with someone in the trailer with him.

Or you could put a VAR (voice activated recorder) in the trailer and see what’s going on during the weekend.

You need to find out what he’s up to. And you need to take a hard line with him. He’s got more than one foot out the door with your marriage and you are allowing this to continue. He will continue it until you put your foot down.

You do not have to be the one who decides if there is a divorce. Instead tell him that it’s his choice. If he stays the partying without you stops NOW, his relationship with the other woman (women) stops NOW. Or he can leave. His choice.

It sounds to me like you are not sure what your rights are as a wife to expect from your husband. I recommend that you read the book “Surviving an Affair” by Dr. Harely.

I also suggest the planA/B & 180 in my signature block as well. You are going to need this information to know how to handle your husband’s continued infidelity and total disrespect of you.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Jelly Beans, please come in.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Both of you having sex with other people. What a train wreck. Hey, what would you think of your kids cheating? Having three ways with the same sex?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the old "throw the swinger band aid on a faulty marriage wound" solution


it doesn't work


a few things....


1) you never pushed him into cheating on you. Please know this above anything else you will learn here. Did you have problems, you bet. But it never justifies his cheating in any way, shape or form. 
2) your husband is starting to show a pattern here. IOW he is likely a serial cheater. He shows no true remorse and is even flaunting his cheating in front of you.
3) Swinging or having threesomes to please either you or him isn't the solution. I don't judge those who wish to have open marriages like that but I don't think the majority of couples can pull it off successfully to be quite frank. It requires ROCK SOLID trust and boundary keeping. Of which you have none.


It's time to see a lawyer. You deserve better.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Almostrecovered said:


> the old "throw the swinger band aid on a faulty marriage wound" solution
> 
> 
> it doesn't work
> ...


The kids deserve better.


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