# What negativity does to a man



## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Constant negativity is something most people, male or female, can't tolerate. I read somewhere recently that women need to realize what it does to their man when all he hears from her is negativity and complaints from her -- whether it is talking about not having a thing to wear (but your closet is full?), not having enough money for this or that or whatever, how much she hates so and so, what the dog did on the carpet today, the problem junior is having with math, etc.... The guy wants to solve and when the issues are piling up, he gets overwhelmed. The complaints can be legitimate, but sooner or later it's going to seem like that is all he hears.

I was out for my usual Sunday morning breakfast with my daughter this past weekend when she told me how frustrated she was the night before because she had spent all afternoon with her mother and aunt, and her aunt was so negative that she couldn't stand to be around her any more. I had noticed how quiet and withdrawn my daughter was when I got home that night, a rarity for her to be that way, and I had guessed that might be the reason for her funk. As I listened to my daughter talk about her aunt, I had to fight the temptation to talk to her about her mother. Why?

Let's just say negativity runs in the family. Listening to my daughter, coupled with what I had read about how a wife's negativity affects her husband, made me realize why I am having such a hard time sitting alone with my wife. She is constantly piling it on me, problem after problem after complaint after issue after failure failure failure.. because after a while she makes me feel like a complete failure. 

Our daughter is a college freshman. I started a new job a few months ago, allowing me an extra hour or so in the morning before going to work, where I can sit for a quiet breakfast with my wife.

Instead of sitting with her, I find myself fleeing out the door. As I listen to her, I can feel a tightening in my chest, the stress of listening to her complain overwhelming me.

Can anyone relate to what I just said?


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

It's not just women than do it. I imagine we can all relate to some degree.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

My wife does not just complain -- she expects me to solve and gets angry if I don't solve her complaint or if I don't act interested in doing so. It's frustrating and increasingly becoming more difficult for me to keep my patience with her.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife is that way and, no joke, probably 80% of the time. That's being kind. I know she's got depression and bipolar, etc, but having spent a few years in combat zones, I believe the stress of a war zone is a Sunday picnic compared to hearing that constant drama and hostility day in, day out.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Try to show some empathy. She probably just wants a listening, caring ear.


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## luvnyr99 (Dec 19, 2014)

Negativity yes is a bad bad habit we can all grab onto if we don't see how much it impacts us daily. i would suggest talking to her about how it overwhelms you when you hear it all the time, i see can become annoying,I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose to stress you with all of it,she just has been around it her whole life maybe and she doesn't see it as negative or annoying as you do, some of what you mentioned is a women thing i think, what to wear,kids,dog ect she's just talking out loud and sharing her day with you. Not saying your not tired of it but maybe try changing subject.hope thats give you a outsider view, just as you are to her you see things and take things differently .Share how you feel don't grow annoyed to her. We can all become what we are around a lot to.Women just talk....try to make the best of it, laugh ,joke it helps.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

jld said:


> Try to show some empathy. She probably just wants a listening, caring ear.


There are times when that is definitely true. I am willing and I am there, BUT it's constant and has always been constant (at least it seems that way). And when she expects me to solve, which is the majority of the time, it becomes intolerable.

I rarely get a chance to relax. She calls to me from the other room or from another floor in our house, expects me to come running. Rather to solve any kind of problem or challenge on her own, she refuses to try. So she doesn't learn, just expects me to do it for her every time.

And I really can't sit with her at the breakfast table any more. She starts on me before I get out of bed and just keeps going. I just want some peace in the morning, probably because I know I am going to have enough challenges when I get to work. Some time I just need her to be a refuge, not a drain.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Have you explained these things to her, just as clearly as you're explaining them to us?


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

luvnyr99 said:


> ...I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose to stress you with all of it,she just has been around it her whole life maybe and she doesn't see it as negative or annoying as you do, ....


Well, I certainly hope she is not doing it to stress me. 

She has been around it all of her life. And she has no brothers, is the youngest of 7 girls. She is used to being taken care of as the little sister.

But dang, all of the stinking time.....


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

jld said:


> Have you explained these things to her, just as clearly as you're explaining them to us?


I have tried, but it is always taken as a judgement. I don't do a good job telling her how it makes me feel, probably why I need to flee when it gets too tough.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

"Honey, I would like to share my feelings with you. I would like to do it in a way that does not offend you. Do you have any ideas for how I could do that?"

Or you could learn about Active Listening, and try that.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

What is active listening?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

It is responding with empathy and without judgment, usually using one of three techniques:

1). Repeating back what she has said

2). Paraphrasing what she has said

3). Asking her an open-ended question

It is only effective if you are sincerely seeking to understand her, however. If she feels you are insincere, she will likely reject your efforts.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You should read cynthiaDe's site.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Some people make you feel good about yourself. Some people bring you down. Jld's advocating enabling the latter which is too bad. She could use this as an opportunity to show empathy and no judgement to the men who live with this, but she won't practice what she preaches.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Start your own thread asking for empathy, and I will show you empathy, WOM.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This man (the OP) needs your empathy jld. What she's doing is not ok.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

He seems to be responding to my message. 

I get the sense he wants to be empowered to overcome his problems, WOM. If he changes how he reacts to her, he may very likely change how she reacts to him.

Leadership.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What I hear you saying is that he should enable her soul sucking negativity and be tough enough to just suck it up. Is that what you're saying?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I hear judgment in your words and tone, WOM. That does not give me the trust in you I would need to open up to you.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Oh negativity doesn't just wear men down. I refuse to have people in my life that are whingy, whiny and negative just because that is their personality, not because they truly do have something to be negative about.

IMHO many people that are negative also do not take personal responsibility for their own part in their life, their own role in how they got to where they are. 

No time for negative people.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jld said:


> I hear judgment in your words and tone, WOM. That does not give me the trust in you I would need to open up to you.



Lol. That sounds very familiar. Perhaps you do know how I feel. 

In any case, I think the OP can hear the judgement in your tone too. It's not his fault his wife behaves this way. She should be accountable, not enabled.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Lol. That sounds very familiar. Perhaps you do know how I feel.
> 
> In any case, I think the OP can hear the judgement in your tone too. It's not his fault his wife behaves this way. She should be accountable, not enabled.


He does not seem to feel threatened. He seems curious, and openminded.

He seems to be interested in solving his problem, not in blaming her. Maybe he realizes that would just be giving her his power. And some of the things I have suggested may be helpful to him. 

She is not here, anyway. We have only him to work with. And he has a lot of influence over her, over making the situation better. 

If nothing else, he can learn not to internalize her discontent.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I do like the idea that he should not internalize her discontent. Interesting thought to ponder.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Can't speak to anyone else's situation but my wife's negativity preceded her involvement with me. She is over 45 and doesn't maintain any friends longer than a year or so. Doesn't speak to her own sister, most doctors won't deal with her. The main reason she won't get a job is because she says she doesn't like people. 
I can't fix depression or change someone's personality or their raising. I especially can't do that if someone likes being hostile. My wife is so proud of her hostility! She laughs and brags about giving other drivers the finger, about telling strangers she's gonna go "crazy" on them, etc. It's a source of power for her and she likes it. Mine isn't a situation of being married to an adult who is utterly clueless about the way their hostility effects others. She knows she comes across as a b%tch and she loves to refer to herself using that word. I would never call her or any other woman one but if you asked her to describe herself using only one word that would be the one she'd use. 
As screwy as it sounds, some folks just aren't happy unless they are in misery. It's what they know. Contented people piss them off and they have nightmares that their spouse might have a little peace, joy, or relaxation.


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> Can't speak to anyone else's situation but my wife's negativity preceded her involvement with me. She is over 45 and doesn't maintain any friends longer than a year or so. Doesn't speak to her own sister, most doctors won't deal with her. The main reason she won't get a job is because she says she doesn't like people.
> I can't fix depression or change someone's personality or their raising. I especially can't do that if someone likes being hostile. My wife is so proud of her hostility! She laughs and brags about giving other drivers the finger, about telling strangers she's gonna go "crazy" on them, etc. It's a source of power for her and she likes it. Mine isn't a situation of being married to an adult who is utterly clueless about the way their hostility effects others. She knows she comes across as a b%tch and she loves to refer to herself using that word. I would never call her or any other woman one but if you asked her to describe herself using only one word that would be the one she'd use.
> As screwy as it sounds, some folks just aren't happy unless they are in misery. It's what they know. Contented people piss them off and they have nightmares that their spouse might have a little peace, joy, or relaxation.


If they have prize for the worst spouse of the week, your wife wins hands down.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I wonder if it makes your wife feel powerful in some way, Unbe. Maybe it is one of the few ways she feels powerful in her life.

You might want to look into active listening, too.

I don't get that same sense about the OP's wife. She sounds like she is really reaching out to her husband for help. She seems to believe he can help her. That shows there is still trust and admiration there. He can work with that.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Have you talked to your wife about this? Have you tried to negotiate with her to give you some breathing room before you listen to her concerns?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

"I would like to give your concerns the attention they need. To best do that, I will have to (whatever is needed, for whatever period of time). Is that workable?"

I think active listening might work better, though, and be easier to get going.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

jld said:


> If nothing else, he can learn not to internalize her discontent.


Many people don't internalize the negativity but they are smothered by it. It starts to suffocate you and that's why you try to get away, gasping for air. 

OP your wife sees life through a negative lens. She can talk, you can listen but can she change her lens? Does she have the ability to change her perspective on life? Does she want to change?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

jld said:


> I wonder if it makes your wife feel powerful in some way, Unbe. Maybe it is one of the few ways she feels powerful in her life.
> 
> You might want to look into active listening, too.
> 
> I don't get that same sense about the OP's wife. She sounds like she is really reaching out to her husband for help. She seems to believe he can help her. That shows there is still trust and admiration there. He can work with that.


Active listening does not fix every problem on the planet and really it takes both parties willingness to do it to be the most effective.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

honcho said:


> Active listening does not fix every problem on the planet and really it takes both parties willingness to do it to be the most effective.


You'd be surprised.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> > I was out for my usual Sunday morning breakfast with my daughter this past weekend when she told me how frustrated she was the night before because she had spent all afternoon with her mother and aunt, and her aunt was so negative that she couldn't stand to be around her any more.


I've just got to ask - where is your wife when you are out to Sunday morning breakfast alone with your daughter? What is she doing? Why isn't she invited? Is she invited and won't come?

Soul-sucking negativity sucks, was she always that way? Is she lonely now that your daughter is away at school? Does she work? 

Without examples of what she wants help with or what she's complaining about, it's difficult to do anything besides jump on the generic "my wife is an evil soul-eating harpy too" bus.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

Active listening is bogus. It sets a precedent of spoiling. Once active listening is turned on, you cannot just turn it off without some kind of huge fight. If you want to become an active listener, you better not quit. And there is no guarantee she will stop talking so much.. she might even start talking more.

My girl become Ms. Negative about 2 years ago. After work/school, the last thing I want to hear is complaints about her job/friends/family/life/everything. After a couple fights about me 'not caring' because I was to exhausted to give a sh*t about anything, I finally told her the negativity needs to stop or I was gone. And I was dead serious. She has plenty of girl and gay guy best friends, USE THEM. I don't mind listening to her talk about negative things every few days; however, things are wayyyy better ever since. More enjoyable/sexy conversations where I am engaged all day long, once she realized that I am her lover, not her journal.

In conclusion, leave the active listening to the girlfriends. Ain't no man with an agenda got time for that sh*t and if he does, he is half female.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wanttolove said:


> There are times when that is definitely true. I am willing and I am there, BUT it's constant and has always been constant (at least it seems that way). And when she expects me to solve, which is the majority of the time, it becomes intolerable.
> 
> I rarely get a chance to relax. She calls to me from the other room or from another floor in our house, expects me to come running. Rather to solve any kind of problem or challenge on her own, she refuses to try. So she doesn't learn, just expects me to do it for her every time.
> 
> And I really can't sit with her at the breakfast table any more. She starts on me before I get out of bed and just keeps going. I just want some peace in the morning, probably because I know I am going to have enough challenges when I get to work. Some time I just need her to be a refuge, not a drain.


How many hours a week do you spend with your wife doing date-like things, just the two of you?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

jld said:


> I wonder if it makes your wife feel powerful in some way, Unbe. Maybe it is one of the few ways she feels powerful in her life.
> 
> You might want to look into active listening, too.
> 
> I don't get that same sense about the OP's wife. She sounds like she is really reaching out to her husband for help. She seems to believe he can help her. That shows there is still trust and admiration there. He can work with that.


I'm really clear on active listening. Been to dozens of communication classes and seminars. When one can have a decent conversation with her, I use the active listening skills. Often, if you say anything to her it pisses her off. She does have chronic back pain and she seems fatigued most of the time (probably from the depression). Just really irritable much of the time and everything and everyone annoys her. Not all the time, mind you, but certainly most of the time.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

What you call negativity, I call an effort to communicate. 

And it won't last forever. You don't think she knows you're tuning her out? Sooner or later, she'll just quit talking to you at all.

Maybe try to turn it around and instead of thinking your wife is talking negatively, actively engage in a conversation.

I get men don't understand the phrase, "I have nothing to wear!" But, you could compliment her on her style. She talks about the kids grades? A comment or two from you expressing how proud you are about your child's achievements is all it takes.

Really, how would you like your marriage to go? She sees you pulling away, the passive aggressive nature you're taking isn't conducive to a lasting relationship.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

If you don't want to listen to negativity all day...don't listen to negativity all day.

Many of the problems we have in our lives could be aided by communicating as clearly and effectively as we do with friends, confidants, or with strangers on the internet, like here.

No, "active listening" is not likely the answer here. If your wife has a long history of this kind of incessant complaining prior to you, and it seems to be a familial trait, this is her default setting. She expects to complain and expects you to solve all her life problems. That's a character flaw she needs to work on, and you're in a position to shed light on it.

We chose what we take. You made the choice to marry a complainer and you're making the choice to enable that behavior. That behavior will only end, at least to the extent that you're the recipient of it, when you get off the merry-go-round. It's time to sit down with your wife and communicate, as clearly as you're doing right here, that you've reached your limits for her constant negativity and you both need to have some serious discussion about changing the quality of your interactions. If she refuses, gets snarky, overly judgemental, etc, then let her know that you'll be ready and waiting when she's ready to tackle the issue, but make it clear that your days of being the toilet for her constant emotional diarrhea has come to an end. Time to flush.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Negativity and how much someone can handle it is not a gender thing.

There does seem to be some people who are just negative people no matter what.

Then others are just overwhelmed or needing communication or some sympathy. 

A lot of the complaining examples could be easily "fixed" IMO. Don't forget that sometimes a "Sorry hun, that sounds stressful" and a big hug is often all the "fix" it needs. Just knowing someone is listening can be a huge help. 
But the less sympathy and listening they get, the more complaining they do.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

jld said:


> It is responding with empathy and without judgment, usually using one of three techniques:
> 
> 1). Repeating back what she has said
> 
> ...


I get it and agree to a degree. When the negativity is a barrage, all you can do is listen, and supporting the negativity is enabling. I doubt that is a positive thing.

Do I listen to my wife and participate? Yes. However, when she is a constant drag, the weight of negativity is too great. No one, not even a husband or boyfriend or significant other should be expected to tolerate that. Too often I feel used, taken advantage of. That is not right!


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

Lila said:


> I think the premise of making temporary efforts expecting permanent changes is also bogus. 'Active Listening' is one option for dealing with the situation. Your suggestion to threaten to leave the marriage (incite fear) is another option. Walking away (a.k.a taking a Time-out) is yet another option. Regardless of the method OP decides to implement, he'll have to apply it for the remainder of his marriage. It'll have to become a habit for it to succeed.
> 
> *Personally, I would recommend that the OP listen to his wife's concerns, even if he feels they are frivolous. She depends on him to meet her emotional needs. Talk to her about using the pro con con pro approach to conversation. Also, any time she brings up something negative, counter with something positive. For eg. Wife says: "I hate neighbor #1, she's such a busy body. blah, blah, blah." OP: Sorry to hear that babe. Hey did you see neighbor #2's new baby. Cutest baby. blah, blah, blah." *
> 
> I fear that if he decides to cut her off completely, we'll probably see him again in a few months in the CWI forum complaining that his wife has become emotionally detached and quite obsessed with her phone.


I get what you are saying, but as a guy, I completely disagree. This approach has a great idea in promoting positiveness but it fails.. completely. 'Changing the story' is another way of a woman thinking 'you do not give a sh*t about her concerns about neighbor #1 or you do not care to hear about her concerns.' To her, you are changing the story and not engaged in her 'concerns' about neighbor 1. Negative people do not care about new babies; they care about how neighbor 1 is a busy body. 

There is no need to cut her off completely. However, it is vital that he expresses that she needs to limit her concerns. We all weren't born yesterday. By now, I know women are aware that men do not care about there frivolous rants. To avoid arguments, most men will just nod their head in any way that satisfies their wife's concerns and then he b*tches about it to work colleagues, etc. and is envious of the single men who can go home and watch sportscenter with a glass of jack. Not all men, but most. 

It is just the reality of the situation. Men either do engage in the conversation, act like they are engaged, or stand up for themselves. I took the latter action, and it worked to my advantage. My girl now preys on her girlfriends, rather than me. Every few days, she will talk about something that upset her to me and because it is not overwhelming by then, I am engaged.

My theory = If you can't pay attention, tell her, rather than pretending to pay attention. She will have a lot more respect for you.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Some people make you feel good about yourself. Some people bring you down. Jld's advocating enabling the latter which is too bad. She could use this as an opportunity to show empathy and no judgement to the men who live with this, but she won't practice what she preaches.


I think JLD is trying to help, but you are right that she doesn't quite get what I am saying. This is not an issue of listening, it is a matter of a spouse dragging the other down.

And we cyclists know what it is like to push through the pain....


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

wanttolove said:


> I get it and agree to a degree. When the negativity is a barrage, all you can do is listen, and supporting the negativity is enabling. I doubt that is a positive thing.
> 
> Do I listen to my wife and participate? Yes. However, when she is a constant drag, the weight of negativity is too great. No one, not even a husband or boyfriend or significant other should be expected to tolerate that. Too often I feel used, taken advantage of. That is not right!


The idea is that if you listen to her, she will eventually listen to you, too. Somebody has to be the leader; somebody has to get things going.

You're not obligated to do anything, by the way. You could just keep complaining about it, and avoiding her. You could divorce her. 

We are all just offering ideas that we think could help you.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

jld said:


> He seems to be responding to my message.
> 
> I get the sense he wants to be empowered to overcome his problems, WOM. If he changes how he reacts to her, he may very likely change how she reacts to him.
> 
> Leadership.


I get it, but she's not looking for leadership. She is looking for someone to take the responsibility away from her, whether it be a task or a problem. It is difficult to describe the situation unless you can see it happening.

But the point I am raising is this -- men want to listen. They want to help. They want to solve and even provide servant leadership if it a task that needs to be done. But when the complaints and negativity become the first and last thing he encounters with his wife each and every day, it is far too much too handle. Give me one thing, two things, but don't dump every anxiety you have into the first few steps I take into the house or when I am trying to go to sleep at night (or even already asleep) or when I am trying to process getting up in the morning!


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

jld said:


> I hear judgment in your words and tone, WOM. That does not give me the trust in you I would need to open up to you.


He's expecting you to be honest....


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You could just tell her you feel overwhelmed by her. Just say it straight out.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Holland said:


> ...negative just because that is their personality, not because they truly do have something to be negative about.
> 
> IMHO many people that are negative also do not take personal responsibility for their own part in their life, their own role in how they got to where they are.


YES! You just described my wife to the tee. Our son is the same way (you want to know who he blames for his bad grades?).:iagree:


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

wanttolove said:


> He's expecting you to be honest....


I doubt WOM wants my honesty.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

jld said:


> He does not seem to feel threatened. He seems curious, and openminded.
> 
> If nothing else, he can learn not to internalize her discontent.


I'm not threatened. There is no reason to be. I am going to listen, use what I can from what you or WOM or anyone else says here.

I can honestly say that I am not, FOR THE MOST PART, internalizing her discontent. It is impossible to not internalize to some degree. Have I said something to her about what she is doing to me? Yes. I asked her a few weeks ago while I was trying to eat my breakfast if she could slow down, explained that she had been complaining to me since before my feet were swung over the bed. Told her it was getting to be too much. That morning she had even stood outside of the shower and unloaded on me while I was in the shower. That is the morning I started to flee, because she took my request personally and as a judgement. I have left the house as quick as possible in the morning since then.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

coffee4me said:


> Many people don't internalize the negativity but they are smothered by it. It starts to suffocate you and that's why you try to get away, gasping for air.
> 
> OP your wife sees life through a negative lens. She can talk, you can listen but can she change her lens? Does she have the ability to change her perspective on life? Does she want to change?


Smothered is a good word to describe it. A few drips are OK, but an entire ocean dumped on top of a man will drown him.

No, she can not change. She does not want to.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

My strategies are based on what you alone can do to effect change in your marriage. They do not depend on the other person.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> I've just got to ask - where is your wife when you are out to Sunday morning breakfast alone with your daughter? What is she doing? Why isn't she invited? Is she invited and won't come?


She is sleeping. She has been invited for years but won't get out of bed. It used to be just me, but my daughter wanted time with me. It is our time and I love it. When she comes back from college, we always honor that Sunday morning. We text each other on Sunday morning just to let each other know we are honoring our father/daughter time.

[/QUOTE]Soul-sucking negativity sucks, was she always that way? Is she lonely now that your daughter is away at school? Does she work?[/QUOTE]

She has always been that way but it is getting worse. She is lonely, but not much different than before. She started working full time two months ago.


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## ToothFairy (May 19, 2013)

Unhappy people who lack confidence tend to be the negative ones. They cannot say anything nice about anyone else because they lack enough self worth to admit that somebody else is doing well or is smart or pretty or whatever. 

By complaining or being negative that brings the attention back to them. It's negative attention but attention none the less. 

Is your wife overweight? Does she have a job or hobbies she is proud of?


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Revamped said:


> What you call negativity, I call an effort to communicate.
> 
> And it won't last forever. You don't think she knows you're tuning her out? Sooner or later, she'll just quit talking to you at all.
> 
> Maybe try to turn it around and instead of thinking your wife is talking negatively, actively engage in a conversation.


Why do you assume I am tuning her out? I do not always flee, although I am doing it in the morning now.. and it was after I asked her to stop. If she gives me a chance to unwind, whether it is in the morning or evening or whenever, and the complaining slows down, it is so much easier to COMMUNICATE. It's a two way street. Constant complaining is not an effort to communicate or get my attention.

We have been married 22 years. If I was tuning her out, conversations would have ceased a long, long time ago.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

ToothFairy said:


> Is your wife overweight? Does she have a job or hobbies she is proud of?


5'8" tall, approximately 135#. Blonde. Guitar. Our kids.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Boundaries are called for. Establish that you won't entertain problems before work unless it is health related. One problem per night and the weekends are not to be a marathon gripe session. Also, no expecting you to sprint to do her bidding/problem solving.

You need to get control of this before you spend the rest of your life or marriage in a quagmire of eternal wailing. May I suggest ear plugs with your coffee? How about enlisting your daughter's help? She might point out to her mother how negative auntie is and what a turn-off it is for people.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Lila said:


> So why did you marry this negative woman and why have you stayed married for 22 years?


My crystal ball went on the blink.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

We all struggle with the negativity. One way to combat it that I have felt helpful is to wrap my cloak of positivity around me and not let them drag me down. Hard to do all the time, but even some of the time is a break from being pulled into the abyss.

As for the being summoned to her. I get your frustration over that. I hate being called like a dog. You want me, you come to me. My mother always did this to me and now does it to my kids. I really really really hate it. Now I catch myself doing it to my kids. WTH!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

jld said:


> He seems to be responding to my message.


*sigh*... another discussion on active listening.

He is responding to your message because he has no idea what "active listening" is (and is not).

I've said it before here and I'll say it again... active listening is a tool used by *trained professionals* -- it was designed to be used by *therapists* in a therapy setting *with their clients*. 

It was never intended for couples to use on their own, and doesn't translate well for this purpose. The conversations can become exasperating as they just go round and round in circles, parroting back and forth what each person "thinks" they're hearing.

I see no application for it in this instance.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Read the book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" immediately. It is fairly short and is easy to implement the tactics. The book is far more than what the title suggests. You will learn to identify some of her verbal techniques and how to effectively reverse them.

This doesn't have to be a battle with your wife. As you say, this is how she learned to operate. You can retrain her. Hopefully she is an enthusiastic partner in the changes, but even if not, the techniques in th book WISNIFG are very effective.

I also recommend you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover right after WISNIFG. You are engaging in some negative thought processes and ineffective behaviors. Also be sure to get on the support forums at No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group - Powered by vBulletin.

I think you can turn things around quickly. Try to have a positive attitude about this, rather than making it a contest that one of you has to win over the other.

After those two books, perhaps "5 Love Languages" and "His Needs, Her Needs".


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

So what you're saying is....


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

jaquen said:


> *No, "active listening" is not likely the answer here.* If your wife has a long history of this kind of incessant complaining prior to you, and it seems to be a familial trait, *this is her default setting.* She expects to complain and expects you to solve all her life problems. That's a character flaw she needs to work on, and you're in a position to shed light on it.
> 
> We chose what we take. You made the choice to marry a complainer and you're making the choice to enable that behavior. *That behavior will only end, at least to the extent that you're the recipient of it, when you get off the merry-go-round.* It's time to sit down with your wife and communicate, as clearly as you're doing right here, that you've reached your limits for her constant negativity and you both need to have some serious discussion about changing the quality of your interactions. If she refuses, gets snarky, overly judgemental, etc, then let her know that you'll be ready and waiting when she's ready to tackle the issue, but *make it clear that your days of being the toilet for her constant emotional diarrhea has come to an end.* Time to flush.


Well said, jaquen. Perfect. :iagree:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wanttolove said:


> I get it, but she's not looking for leadership. She is looking for someone to take the responsibility away from her, whether it be a task or a problem. It is difficult to describe the situation unless you can see it happening.
> 
> But the point I am raising is this -- men want to listen. They want to help. They want to solve and even provide servant leadership if it a task that needs to be done. * But when the complaints and negativity become the first and last thing he encounters with his wife each and every day*, it is far too much too handle. Give me one thing, two things, but don't dump every anxiety you have into the first few steps I take into the house or when I am trying to go to sleep at night (or even already asleep) or when I am trying to process getting up in the morning!


From what you are saying, it sounds like these are the only times that you and your wife interact. Don't the two of you spend any time together outside of when you get home, bed time? What other types of things do the both of you do together?


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

It seems to me clearly communicating the unacceptability of this behavior is a necessary and urgent step. This is, in part, a boundary issue. Make the boundary clear, set clear limits, remind and enforce as necessary.



See a counselor yourself, and talk through your options with him or her. Understand what in you has allowed yourself (and with your daughter present during her younger years?) to "endure" this behavior. It's not been working for you. Time to become an expert on the reasons why.



Your wife may acknowledge she is "a b****", and even seem to be sort of proud of her thick skin. But, that feels a bit like a defense mechanism to me, and if so only goes so deep. 



I wonder if she understands the consequences in you and those around her. Have you asked her "Why do you do that?". "Does it seem like an unusual thing to do?"



It sounds like she has not experienced (knowingly) any consequences for her behavior. She has absolutely no incentive to stop her behavior until she does. Repeatedly. Delivered lovingly and with self-assuredness and conviction that is convincing.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lila said:


> I fear that if he decides to cut her off completely, we'll probably see him again in a few months in the CWI forum complaining that his wife has become emotionally detached and quite obsessed with her phone.


An overly negative wife who slips herself onto some strange a few months after her hubby decides he'd rather not be the endless audience for her Oscar the Grouch routine?

And that would be considered a loss?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Depends how it's done. 

It will be a rare occasion if I don't make a negative comment about anything or anyone in a day. But it's done in good spirit, tactfully (lol) and without blaming the individual. A lot of it goes on myself too, not just piling onto others.

What I DON'T do is just nag. I help the other person see the issue and ask for their help in fixing it. Buy-in and all the good stuff.

Negativity of a bad kind is bad but negativity in itself is useful. Most people are all too happy to oblige by being complacent and just sit there. That's not how it should be. 

The more enlightened amongst us call it skepticism but it is often misconstrued as negativity...


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Lila said:


> That's up to OP to decide. He's still hanging in there so apparently it must be mean something to him.


Did you skip over the part where I addressed your suggestion that his wife might end up on some other man's c*ck, or having an "emotional" affair, if he decided to disengage from her constant negativity?

You still think he's going to see her as worth in under the circumstances you presented? That sounds like emotional blackmail and pretty funky advice. It's essentially telling this man that he should continue putting up with her torrential negativity, or else...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Sometimes stereotypes are approximately true. Women, or some women may in fact be hardwired to be miserable angry shrews. It's not what they do, it's who they are.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

wanttolove said:


> She is looking for someone to take the responsibility away from her, whether it be a task or a problem.
> 
> Give me one thing, two things, but don't dump every anxiety you have into the first few steps I take into the house or when I am trying to go to sleep at night (or even already asleep) or when I am trying to process getting up in the morning!


I absolutely relate to this.

It's not gender specific. My mother can be extremely negative. I have felt talked AT. I've listened and advised, talked through things - to realize at the end of the day, I'm wasting my breath, nothing changes and I feel drained. I've tried not to take it on, so that I don't feel drained, but when someone you care about is in your ear, dragging up the past, their anxieties and everything else, it can get a bit much. 

I've even told her straight that I'm finding the topic to be very negative and draining and requested we talk about something else. Sometimes I've simply shut down. I have felt at times that it's perhaps a lack of social skills / inconsideration on her part. I feel negative writing about this! haha. Her and I have come to an agreement of sorts as it heavily affects our relationship. This is certainly something I've struggled with over the years and haven't quite worked out the most effective way to handle it. I absolutely agree with the sentiment that you shouldn't encourage or take being talked AT. There's listening to someone's concerns, sharing in that, particularly if they are wanting to take responsibility and that's fine. That's not the type of 'negativity' I'd be referring to.

In many ways, I'm used to it. My husband isn't. So when she was our house-guest, he came down from having breakfast and looked exhausted. I asked if he was okay. He said he'd just been bombarded with all her health issues and why she hadn't slept well that night. There's a balance to be had in being honest and also having consideration for the person on the receiving end. He was having breakfast before work. Empathy goes both ways! She hadn't asked how he'd slept or recognized that he was trying to have a quiet breakfast before his day started. 

Of course after she left, I began adopting some of those negative behaviors and he pointed it out to me which I needed! I prefer to be surrounded by positive people. It's a more enriching experience.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> I absolutely relate to this.
> In many ways, I'm used to it. My husband isn't. So when she was our house-guest, he came down from having breakfast and looked exhausted. I asked if he was okay. He said he'd just been bombarded with all her health issues and why she hadn't slept well that night. There's a balance to be had in being honest and also having consideration for the person on the receiving end. He was having breakfast before work. Empathy goes both ways! She hadn't asked how he'd slept or recognized that he was trying to have a quiet breakfast before his day started.
> 
> Of course after she left, I began adopting some of those negative behaviors and he pointed it out to me which I needed! I prefer to be surrounded by positive people. It's a more enriching experience.


First of all, you just brought back a few memories of my maternal grandmother. She was one of the sweetest women I have ever known, but she chose to focus on negative. It drove my dad batty even though he loved his MIL dearly. She became worse after my grandfather died and she died shortly thereafter. I think she chose to die.

And good for you to recognize your own behavior and correct it. Your husband is a lucky man!:smthumbup:


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> From what you are saying, it sounds like these are the only times that you and your wife interact. Don't the two of you spend any time together outside of when you get home, bed time? What other types of things do the both of you do together?


Definitely issues. Getting her to go out with me or friends is like pulling teeth. I have to be persistent to get her to go out. Example -- two weekends ago a couple asked us to meet them to listen to a band and for dancing. We were two hours late, my wife finally begrudgingly giving in. She actually likes this couple.

We haven't gone to bed at the same time for close to 15 years (our son is 15).

We don't do much together at all.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

There must be some good ideas for how to deal with another's excessive negativity, as well as things the negative one can do to forge a new habit.



All I can (vaguely) recall offhand comes from Gottman's The Relationship Cure, and challenges the negative one to lust things they are grateful for, ir something like that.



Any ideas out there?


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Lila said:


> ...it's been like this for 22 years. Completely disengaging from her now would give her the wrong message "he's choosing to not meet her emotional need", e.g. he doesn't love her anymore. It's his choice to deal with it or not but based on everything he's said about his relationship with his wife, and her personality, I think disengaging will shut her down emotionally and may cause more trouble in the future. Try something else first.


The real problem with piling on the negativity is that I actually do care, but so much of it is overwhelming. I have tried listening. I participate. I retreat and flee when I am tired, when she insists on piling it on even when she knows I am not capable at the moment of handling it.

There is also the distance that has developed over 22 years. If she were bending my ear while cuddled up to me on the couch or in bed or holding hands on a walk around the block, it would be so much easier to listen. She took her affection away from me years ago, something I eventually had to accept (but not without a fight) and now do not try to initiate mainly as a defense mechanism.

The plot can thicken.

But the real lesson here is that DANG IT, PILING ON THE NEGATIVITY IS TOO MUCH FOR A MAN TO TAKE!


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

PieceOfSky said:


> There must be some good ideas for how to deal with another's excessive negativity, as well as things the negative one can do to forge a new habit.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


We tried this one in counseling several years ago. The counselor assigned us to read Gottman together. Nope. Nada.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

By the way, my wife is not an angry shrew or even a *****. She is just overwhelmingly negative, obsessed with the problems our children have (and problem compounds them by her obsession), and even though she claims to not respect me she drops everything on me to either resolve or take the blame for.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wanttolove said:


> Definitely issues. Getting her to go out with me or friends is like pulling teeth. I have to be persistent to get her to go out. Example -- two weekends ago a couple asked us to meet them to listen to a band and for dancing. We were two hours late, my wife finally begrudgingly giving in. She actually likes this couple.
> 
> We haven't gone to bed at the same time for close to 15 years (our son is 15).
> 
> We don't do much together at all.


Does your wife do things socially without you? 

Or has she become agoraphobic?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wanttolove said:


> By the way, my wife is not an angry shrew or even a *****. She is just overwhelmingly negative, obsessed with the problems our children have (and problem compounds them by her obsession), and even though she claims to not respect me she drops everything on me to either resolve or take the blame for.


It sounds like your wife is stuck in a rut and is not a very happy person.

If you cannot get her to change by talking to her about it, then your next step is to take action.. replace words with action. You could do this by reacting in totally unexpected ways to her actions and words... or you could sit her down and tell her that you are done, you are leaving. Telling her this would be the most direct way to find out if you can shake her out of her rut. but if you do, you better be ready to follow through.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does your wife do things socially without you?
> 
> Or has she become agoraphobic?


She goes out with her female friends several times a week. This past weekend, she went out with them Friday night, then blew me off for a concert date that I had bought tickets for a month ago.. because she was hoping our daughter might be available to do something with her.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> It sounds like your wife is stuck in a rut and is not a very happy person.
> 
> If you cannot get her to change by talking to her about it, then your next step is to take action.. replace words with action. You could do this by reacting in totally unexpected ways to her actions and words... or you could sit her down and tell her that you are done, you are leaving. Telling her this would be the most direct way to find out if you can shake her out of her rut. but if you do, you better be ready to follow through.


I did talk to her about it. When that didn't work, my action was to remove myself. That took the control and power away from her, something she wants, and she initially became angry because of it. Our conversations have been lighter since.

I am on the brink of divorce and we both know it. I am not bringing that up until I am ready. We have a daughter who is a freshman in college, a son in high school, and our finances are very weak. When the time is right, probably very soon, I am going to be gone.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wanttolove said:


> I did talk to her about it. When that didn't work, my action was to remove myself. That took the control and power away from her, something she wants, and she initially became angry because of it. Our conversations have been lighter since.
> 
> I am on the brink of divorce and we both know it. I am not bringing that up until I am ready. We have a daughter who is a freshman in college, a son in high school, and our finances are very weak. When the time is right, probably very soon, I am going to be gone.


Yea, I can see why you are thinking of divorce. She probably is as well.

Have you two ever discussed that?


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

So is divorce still on an ever changing and ever moving horizon for you?


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Yes, Elegirl, as recently as last March, a day after I was fired from my job of more than 20 years.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

chaos said:


> So is divorce still on an ever changing and ever moving horizon for you?


Very much so and probably related to the negativity issue for me and also for my wife. I want to be divorced, mainly because I know that my wife and I will never be affectionate again. I don't want to be affectionate again because I don't trust her. I am not ready to give up affection in my life, so I know I need to move on. It's frustrating because I want to do what is right, which means I need to wait until my children are least affected emotionally by a divorce. They are close.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Girls night out, eh?


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## homerjay (Dec 12, 2014)

wanttolove said:


> Constant negativity is something most people, male or female, can't tolerate. I read somewhere recently that women need to realize what it does to their man when all he hears from her is negativity and complaints from her -- whether it is talking about not having a thing to wear (but your closet is full?), not having enough money for this or that or whatever, how much she hates so and so, what the dog did on the carpet today, the problem junior is having with math, etc.... The guy wants to solve and when the issues are piling up, he gets overwhelmed. The complaints can be legitimate, but sooner or later it's going to seem like that is all he hears.
> 
> I was out for my usual Sunday morning breakfast with my daughter this past weekend when she told me how frustrated she was the night before because she had spent all afternoon with her mother and aunt, and her aunt was so negative that she couldn't stand to be around her any more. I had noticed how quiet and withdrawn my daughter was when I got home that night, a rarity for her to be that way, and I had guessed that might be the reason for her funk. As I listened to my daughter talk about her aunt, I had to fight the temptation to talk to her about her mother. Why?
> 
> ...


Yes, I can, though i am not married.

You need to speak with her about this, it's not a healthy scenario at all.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

wanttolove said:


> I need to wait until my children are least affected emotionally by a divorce. They are close.


Is it truly that or are you really afraid that your children will view you as "the bad guy" that ended the marriage?


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## luvnyr99 (Dec 19, 2014)

wanttolove said:


> Well, I certainly hope she is not doing it to stress me.
> 
> She has been around it all of her life. And she has no brothers, is the youngest of 7 girls. She is used to being taken care of as the little sister.
> 
> But dang, all of the stinking time.....


Thats it wanttolove.. she is so dependent on you for everything,sounds to me,calling you for everything she doesn't do for her self,thats a habit also women thing when you start depending on ur man for everything, i did that awhile back and didn't realize how annoying it was till i looked at things differently, by then i was annoying my self. Honey,honey...honey i need you....You probably feel more overwhelmed cause when ur not at work all you hear is someone barking at you. Its like a running faucet it drips and drips nonstop,like you hear ur wife complaining,TALKING NON STOP, BUT Communication is key..So there is ways of telling her slowly but non hurtful. can i ask you a ? ????are are you a very openly person or quiet ect.? None can break a habit in a day. it will take time. And 7 sisters oh god you gotta look at it this way SHE is pro at being loud, stating every thought, oh lord could you imagine being married to all 7 LOL, You gotta smile though. This is a way she is almost programmed.. talk,need,loud,dependent etc. she doesn't do it on purpose,obviously something made you fall for her in the beginning. Smile wanttolove you'll get through this just try a few different things not all works for all but something diff for some. you know. And have a great Merry Christmas.


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## luvnyr99 (Dec 19, 2014)

THEY AND YOU WILL SUFFER EITHER WAY.I DONT BELEIVE DIVIORCE WILL HELP WANTOLOVE.. It won't do anything but Damage..


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

chaos said:


> Is it truly that or are you really afraid that your children will view you as "the bad guy" that ended the marriage?


Both. I really am afraid of what divorcing will do to my children. My son needs me to be home and be around him. My daughter is a freshman at a Christian liberal arts college -- both will be affected and I know it. My daughter will likely be angry with me, but she is old enough to understand a little bit why I am divorcing. My son will not be surprised, but he will be very angry with me, partly because he will lose some of the perks he is used to getting!


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

luvnyr99 said:


> THEY AND YOU WILL SUFFER EITHER WAY.I DONT BELEIVE DIVIORCE WILL HELP WANTOLOVE.. It won't do anything but Damage..


Why will it not help me? Will the 'damage' to my children be permanent and how will they be damaged? I am miserable now so how can I be more miserable?


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Girls night out, eh?


My wife is a strict Baptist and does not drink, which means 'girls night out' does not involve a visit to a bar. A huge part of me wishes she would go out, meet someone, and leave. Makes her the bad guy!


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

luvnyr99 said:


> ....can i ask you a ? ????are are you a very openly person or quiet ect.? None can break a habit in a day. it will take time.


I am a very open person, both in public and in private. I communicate better than the average person (yes, I know it). I have also learned from 22 years of marriage what I can and can not share with my wife.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

wanttolove said:


> My wife is a strict Baptist and does not drink, which means 'girls night out' does not involve a visit to a bar. A huge part of me wishes she would go out, meet someone, and leave. Makes her the bad guy!


This is terrible to see, WTL. Make a decision and jump in with both feet. 

But don't wish she would pull the trigger for you because you don't have the fortitude to do it yourself.


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## aintnosunshine (Dec 24, 2014)

Hi. I really feel for you and your dilema. I feel this way with my husband.
I am so negative to my husband and finding things wrong all the time. I wonder should you possibly go deeper and see if there is something 
else that is not right with your relationship and maybe this is why she is doing this. I know this is the reason I do it, I am not happy and sometimes feel it is the only way to vent my unhappiness because I can't talk to him otherwise.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

wanttolove said:


> Both. I really am afraid of what divorcing will do to my children. My son needs me to be home and be around him. My daughter is a freshman at a Christian liberal arts college -- both will be affected and I know it. My daughter will likely be angry with me, but she is old enough to understand a little bit why I am divorcing. My son will not be surprised, but he will be very angry with me, partly because he will lose some of the perks he is used to getting!


So I take it that you are waiting til they get married, move out and have children of their own before you pull the plug, right? On the bright side you'll be in the demographic group of 2.33 women per 1 man. You'll be quite the catch there with the old ladies, studly


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

My first XW is exactly that way. Because she is the mother of my sons, I guess that I owe her the respect of talking to her when she calls. But if her incessant whining and complaining ever becomes too burdensome for me, I'll either hang up on her or tell her I've got a phone call coming in(usually a self-serving lie). A lot of times when she calls in, when I see her name pop up on caller ID, I totally ignore it.

More often than not, even my boys will refuse to talk with her if they see that she's calling them!

She tried jumping my case once about hanging up on her when she was complaining about God knows what!

I just calmly told her that she gave up that right to complain to meany moons ago in that South Texas County courtroom!

I got exactly what I wanted: She hung up on me, cursing me vociferously as she left!


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## luvnyr99 (Dec 19, 2014)

wanttolove said:


> Why will it not help me? Will the 'damage' to my children be permanent and how will they be damaged? I am miserable now so how can I be more miserable?


Why will it not help you? You will have to spend many years trying to give your self to know somebody else..I believe the problem you have will take time but less time it would take you to be happy with someone else . You can work to the bottom of this issue.

Will it damage your children PERMANENT... YES YES.. Of course it would ..Damage would be Permanent, pain , memories, they would Never forget they would become angry towards others and both parents in different ways, questions unanswered in your childs minds even if you think there old enough to understand hurt always lingers in our lives forever. 

You would have them loose there hope in there own marriages.They would give up easy even if it seems your not. Your children need to see they can make it through hard tough times,or we would all be marring over and over again.

MISERABLE ....I understand the overwhelmingness feelings can have on the mind and hearts. Divorce brings with it a burden of misery that one will have tell the end. your choice to divorce has a ripple effect of pain the will permeate threw your family. the burden you will have to bear is the responsibility of said pain in their lives, and the effects (which are always negative) it will have on your loved ones. Human beings vary much imperfect, but we have the ability to learn. and so we must. marriage is a mysterious thing in that two become one. So the way to learn how to get threw the hard times, well it has to be together. I have faith in Jesus Christ this is not my crutch in fact i have found myself angry with God over marital issues myself. But if you do have faith don't give it up.


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## Majestic Starman (Nov 24, 2013)

Some very useful comments here. My wife too often seems to be 'drowning in the sea of life', and is not happy unless she's pissed. Thankfully, it's not as bad as OP's situation, and there is still lots of good in our marriage.

OP, sadly I don't have any better advice than has already been stated. I understand totally where you are coming from in wanting to wait for the 'right' time to leave, but really... Is there ever a 'right' time? You're not ready yet, but need to decide what truly is the end of the line for you, otherwise I suspect you'll just keep kicking the can down the road.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Divorce is not always devastating to children. Chances are they will find relief with less tension in the house. I know I did when my parents divorced.

Plus, your children will have an extra home where they will not have to listen to constant negativity. It might very well benefit them in this regard.


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

I hope I articulate my feelings to this thread effectively, without stepping on anyone's toes.

I cried total bullsh!tt on some of these responses. I live with
a negetive man. Have been with him for over 20 years.

No I did not know he was negative before I married him.
I am staying married, because I do still love him and for the children.

A negetive person is like cancer, draining the life out of their mate. At first, you try to be a listening ear. You tried to be supportive. Finally, after being blamed for all the things wrong with your spouses life...you tune them the he!! out.

No! tuning out a person does not help the marriage, but I does
help the the person who is being buried with negativity and to save some brain cells and sanity.

Negative people know that they are negative. They refuse to change or get help. 

Negative people loathe easy going people, who see the glass as half full instead of half empty.

Negative people hate it when you are happy. I should have put my foot down looooooonnnnng time ago. 

Today, when my husband starts whining about the children, the dogs, the bills, not being to go on vacation, not having an emotionally close relationship with his wife (eyes rolling..i wonder why his wife does not want to be close).

I just cross the days off on the calendar until I can leave him.  Ill still be young enough to find some happiness


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

*luvinhim*, here's to that day coming sooner rather than later! Hope you can keep your sanity until then. Good luck.


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