# Did I cheat?



## snowy (Mar 30, 2008)

I have been married 5 years and have a 2 year old son...My wife and son have gone to Asia for the 2nd time in the past year (the first time for 3 months and this time for the past 3 months and counting) because her father has cancer. So in reality I have only been with my wife and son about 4 months of the year. I have been trying to be as supportive as much as I can and try to talk to my son as much as I can on the internet....while Im here working in the US...Anyway the toughest is coming to an empty apartment everyday.
Anyway I met a foreign student a couple weeks back and we have been out because i miss a womans company and we have had a couple dates and kissed a couple times but Im trying to keep faithful...Anyway the lowdown is that she keeps calling me and Im trying to push her away BuT I havent told her Im married....i guess because I am wondering what she would say if she knew? When we first started dating she asked me if i was seeing anyone and I said NO...I really enjoy this girls company and i havent felt so much emotion in a long time...Any advice is appreciated...:scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Sounds like you are getting in too deep and tempting fate. It also sounds from what you have said an emotional affair. Why would you not tell her about your wife unless you where leaving options open to be more then just friends?

draconis


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## snowy (Mar 30, 2008)

Well I think its because I havent felt like this in a while and maybe I dont want it to end...i would tell her the truth but do you know sometimes in life....there is that saying....*its better not to say anything if it isnt going to affect that person.*..well Im beginning to feel like that because sometimes telling the truth as we may think may end up opening a new can of worms...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

When do you expect your wife to get back and how do you think that will affect either relationship?

draconis


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## Immortalone (Mar 5, 2008)

"its better not to say anything if it isnt going to affect that person" What do you mean it isn't going to effect that person. You think when your wife gets back she will just say oh ok your married well it was a good time. You think your wife will just say oh thats ok you were out dating while I was gone. Sounds more like an excuse to fullfill your own wants and needs and justify it to yourself so you don't feel guilty. Why do you feel guilty and come to this forum with this? Becuase you know you are! Either tell her about your wife and end it or tell your wife about her and it your marriage. Here is another old saying for you. "Having your cake and eating it too" thats what your trying to do here and have some one say It's ok your not doing anything wrong.


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## snowy (Mar 30, 2008)

Immortalone I respect your opinion... I do not however feel guilty, rather I feel frustrated...but you are correct I must deal with this situation before it gets out of hand.


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## stav (Feb 5, 2008)

You say you tried to push this woman away, and she keeps calling you..

Erm.. I sugggest that telling her you are married is a sure fire way to get rid of her.

So, is that what you want? 

I think you miss your family, and because you are feeling low, you've allowed yourself to be distracted by the other woman.. 

Tell her right now that you are married and end it. THen see if you can get some time off work, and go see your family for a few days.


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## sillky717 (Apr 2, 2008)

one word"lonely" stop before it escalates. would you really want to have on your heart that while your wife is at a very devastating time in her life. you r having the time of your life. not worth it. just break it off. either tell the truth to the new girl or tell her you still have feelings for someone else and you want to explore them and its not fair to her .giving false hope.so u wont seem like a jerk. just b patient love is worth the wait


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## Liza (Jan 2, 2008)

I suggest you cut off the relationship. You are cheating both women, the fact that the girlfriend ask you if you are seeing anyone says that she wants to see you exclusively, imagine her dismay when she finds out you not only have someone but you are married. And your wife, she is in distress abbout her dad, the last thing she wants to be worried about is a straying husband. You know what you are doing is wrong. Do the right thing. Flirt with your wife in the emails you send her, tell her how much you miss her....get involved in some safe activities like sports or volunteering somewhere, keep your mind busy.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

'kissed a couple times but Im trying to keep faithful.' To answer your question "Did I cheat?" YES!!! Unless you have an open marriage and your wife would be ok with it (and vice versa if she meets/kisses men it's fine with you) If you are really confused as to whether this is appropriate, think about when you are with this woman and picture your wife sitting there as well. If you would not say/do the things you've been doing, it's cheating. You are disrespecting both women in this situation.


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## snowy (Mar 30, 2008)

Thanks for all the post and advice...i really appreciate it...I accept I have been a dumbass and I have as you said strayed a bit from my priorities as a husband. I am going to own up to the foreign student and explain the truth but I hope it doesnt come back to bite me in the ass...nevertheless it is the right thing to do and better i do this now rather than when my wife gets back to tell her....or else im toast....


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## stav (Feb 5, 2008)

Well, be nice to the student, tell her you are really sorry and didn't mean to lead her on, and you've come clean because she's a nice girl and you didn't want to hurt her further.

In life you are constantly learning, and I think you've just learnt something valuable.


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## dogma_ma (Apr 3, 2008)

In response to your original question, I would say yes...this situation is cheating. I am married and if I were away and found out these things about my husband, I would definately classify it as cheating. Whatever the circumstances. 
As far as the woman, I would definately tell her you are married...it's not fair to her to believe otherwise, as she obviously has developed feelings for you and has no idea that you are unavailable in that way. It also may be against her own morals to be with a married man...I know that in my dating years if I found out someone I was dating was married, I would feel extremely guilty.


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