# Wife Suddenly Turns Cold



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

My wife and I normally do everything together and love it. Every now and then she will go shopping alone because I dont want to go. 
This, on the other hand, has happened twice in the past 2 months. The first time was a Sunday and we had recently started a small farm. The day before, we purchased some chickens and they were staying in a small dog carrier while my wife and in built a pen for them. Well that Sunday morning I got an early start with what I could do alone and waited for her. A couple of hours later she comes out and says she is going to church. I was sweating bullets and needed help desperately at this time. Keep in mind the 5 grown chickens are in the dog carrier. I asked her to please stay and help. I was worried the chickens wouldn't make it and needed to finish the pen. She more or less ignored me and continued to her car. Thos was 8:30 am. She usually returns at 12:30. So again I pleaded with her to please stay and help me finish. She said nothing. Only continued out of the driveway. I couldn't do what was needed alone and she was gone. When she got home she did help. However there was no explanation or apology as to why she so desperately had to go to church. I was really hurt by this.
Three days ago was her day off. We were goofing off having a great time. On her days off we work out between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. Before this, we both laid on the bed for a short nap. 10 minutes in and she gets up. I laid there for about 10 more minutes then got up to work out. When I went to her she announced she was going to pick up the grand kids from school and take them home. The her daughter was going to the hair salon so my wife needed to babysit. This was suddenly. I asked her what about us. Working out then dinner and tv. No comment. Just straight out the door. 
She returned 3 and a half hours later. 
I once again was hurt by this but more puzzled and surprised over all. I felt stood up. It was our day together. I am still bothered by this. 
Should I be bothered vy this or just brush it off? 
Ask questions as needed and if you think I'm wrong and shouldn't be bothered by it, just let me know.
Thank you in advance for any advice or helpful words.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Welcome to the site, have you noticed any other changes in her behavior? For example change in clothing, loss weight, being the phone near her....also whose idea was the farm?


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

guearyt said:


> My wife and I normally do everything together and love it. Every now and then she will go shopping alone because I dont want to go.
> This, on the other hand, has happened twice in the past 2 months. The first time was a Sunday and we had recently started a small farm. The day before, we purchased some chickens and they were staying in a small dog carrier while my wife and in built a pen for them. Well that Sunday morning I got an early start with what I could do alone and waited for her. A couple of hours later she comes out and says she is going to church. I was sweating bullets and needed help desperately at this time. Keep in mind the 5 grown chickens are in the dog carrier. I asked her to please stay and help. I was worried the chickens wouldn't make it and needed to finish the pen. She more or less ignored me and continued to her car. Thos was 8:30 am. She usually returns at 12:30. So again I pleaded with her to please stay and help me finish. She said nothing. Only continued out of the driveway. I couldn't do what was needed alone and she was gone. When she got home she did help. However there was no explanation or apology as to why she so desperately had to go to church. I was really hurt by this.
> Three days ago was her day off. We were goofing off having a great time. On her days off we work out between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. Before this, we both laid on the bed for a short nap. 10 minutes in and she gets up. I laid there for about 10 more minutes then got up to work out. When I went to her she announced she was going to pick up the grand kids from school and take them home. The her daughter was going to the hair salon so my wife needed to babysit. This was suddenly. I asked her what about us. Working out then dinner and tv. No comment. Just straight out the door.
> She returned 3 and a half hours later.
> ...


Did she actually go to church?


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

I haven't noticed any other behavior you mentioned however, for the past week she has been much less talkative than normal. As for the farm, it was a joint decision. We both went and bought the chickens then to the farm supply for hay, feed, and chicken wire.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Just to be sure go online and review your phone bill. At least rule that out.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Thank you. I haven't even thought about it. I will do it now.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Hey @guearyt 
Did you ask her daughter if she babysit for her? I would’ve have said ok this is our time together I’ll just go with you. The next time she does this say you’re go with her or wait a couple minutes and follow her if you have doubts. Also if you have the means hire a good PI and if there is any there there you’ll know on probably 1-2 weeks. Finally not sure where you’re located and the laws but other ideas are a hidden VAR and a GPS. Best of luck! I hope you don’t need it, but it does sounds suspicious.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

She left so abruptly I was sort of in shock. When she returned, I did ask why she didnt ask me to go. Her reply was she didnt think I would want to. 
I can see now I am going to have to be on the alert. Thank you.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Finally not sure where you’re located and the laws but other ideas are a hidden VAR and a GPS. Best of luck! I hope you don’t need it, but it does sounds suspicious.


Yep, a simple solution. A GPS dog tracker in her vehicle will put you within 10 ft of it 24-7.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

You just hit the nail on the head. That is a must
Done!!! And thank you!!!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

So what was the sermon about?


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

She never has anything but an blanket answer. Could have made up anything. When I confront her about seeing someone else she usually snaps and yells at me. In that indo.know is a tell tell sign of guilt.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

How long have you been together?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

guearyt said:


> She never has anything but an blanket answer. Could have made up anything. When I confront her about seeing someone else she usually snaps and yells at me. In that indo.know is a tell tell sign of guilt.


Don’t jump to any conclusions, but start investigating. Don’t confront about suspicions of another man unless/until you have some evidence.
If you need to confront her on something, confront her on the disrespectful behavior of walking away and ignoring you. That’s not acceptable.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Does she usually go to church? Does she regularly baby sit her grandchildren? 
If the answer is yes then not sure why you are worried.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

a sudden cooling and distance could be that she’s up to no good. It could be nothing but you would be wises to shut your mouth and observe. Look at her phone, laptop, tablet. Watch for text fir any new person. Don’t be ignore a woman’s name. It’s a common tactic to hide an OM with a woman’s name. Check the social media. Look at your bill for any number that has a recent increase of calls or text.

I hope it is nothing. Besides doing some detective work, take an inventory of yourself. Have you let yourself go? Are you still treating her like a woman that you love? Starting the farm may have been both of your ideas but don’t be surprised if she’s already tired of the whole thing and is looking for new excitement. Do not for a second think your wife is safe at church. I read countless threads of a wife having an affair with a pastor or even a married person in the congregation. Mouth closed, eyes and ears open.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Very good advice. I am learning from this. And I will follow the advice.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> How long have you been together?


8 years.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Does she usually go to church? Does she regularly baby sit her grandchildren?
> If the answer is yes then not sure why you are worried.


She usually does go to church.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Does she usually go to church? Does she regularly baby sit her grandchildren?
> If the answer is yes then not sure why you are worried.


She does go to church but never baby sits.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> Don’t jump to any conclusions, but start investigating. Don’t confront about suspicions of another man unless/until you have some evidence.
> If you need to confront her on something, confront her on the disrespectful behavior of walking away and ignoring you. That’s not acceptable.


Agreed and thank you.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Hey @guearyt
> Did you ask her daughter if she babysit for her? I would’ve have said ok this is our time together I’ll just go with you. The next time she does this say you’re go with her or wait a couple minutes and follow her if you have doubts. Also if you have the means hire a good PI and if there is any there there you’ll know on probably 1-2 weeks. Finally not sure where you’re located and the laws but other ideas are a hidden VAR and a GPS. Best of luck! I hope you don’t need it, but it does sounds suspicious.


Thank you.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

QuietGuy said:


> Did she actually go to church?


I have only gone by her word which is yes.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

What do you think she resents you for?


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> What do you think she resents you for?


I really have no idea. Inhave thought about that over and over. I thought everything was great. Now I am still stunned by the incident. My mind has been going 90 to nothing. Even as I reply from the dinner table, she is sitting on the couch doing something with her phone. I can't see close enough as to what it is. We are both totally silent. I'm guessing I might as well face it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Think, for a minute...

In any of these instances, did she get a phone text, or an actual call, just prior to her rushing out of the door?

Something seemed to prompt her.
Something, or someone.


_Lilith-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

guearyt said:


> I really have no idea. Inhave thought about that over and over. I thought everything was great. Now I am still stunned by the incident. My mind has been going 90 to nothing. Even as I reply from the dinner table, _*she is sitting on the couch doing something with her phone.*_ I can't see close enough as to what it is. We are both totally silent. I'm guessing I might as well face it.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

guearyt said:


> My wife and I normally do everything together and love it. Every now and then she will go shopping alone because I dont want to go.
> This, on the other hand, has happened twice in the past 2 months. The first time was a Sunday and we had recently started a small farm. The day before, we purchased some chickens and they were staying in a small dog carrier while my wife and in built a pen for them. Well that Sunday morning I got an early start with what I could do alone and waited for her. A couple of hours later she comes out and says she is going to church. I was sweating bullets and needed help desperately at this time. Keep in mind the 5 grown chickens are in the dog carrier. I asked her to please stay and help. I was worried the chickens wouldn't make it and needed to finish the pen. She more or less ignored me and continued to her car. Thos was 8:30 am. She usually returns at 12:30. So again I pleaded with her to please stay and help me finish. She said nothing. Only continued out of the driveway. I couldn't do what was needed alone and she was gone. When she got home she did help. However there was no explanation or apology as to why she so desperately had to go to church. I was really hurt by this.
> Three days ago was her day off. We were goofing off having a great time. On her days off we work out between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. Before this, we both laid on the bed for a short nap. 10 minutes in and she gets up. I laid there for about 10 more minutes then got up to work out. When I went to her she announced she was going to pick up the grand kids from school and take them home. The her daughter was going to the hair salon so my wife needed to babysit. This was suddenly. I asked her what about us. Working out then dinner and tv. No comment. Just straight out the door.
> She returned 3 and a half hours later.
> ...


How old are you and your wife? You have only been together 8 years. How did you meet? Was there any cheating, affairs, etc. involved?

It sounds on the face of it that she needs some of her own time. You appear to need her all the time. How difficult is it to build a chicken pen for 5 chickens? Seriously, you sound a bit needy and clingy.
You also appear to be very sensitive and take everything she does as a slight to you. It is not attractive at all. Do your own thing.
get in your car and take yourself off to the mall, for coffee, a bike ride whatever.

Some will rush to the conclusion she is cheating, but I don't see evidence of this. Maybe she didn't want to spend her day off building a pen. Whose idea was it to get the small farm, sounds like it is more your idea/hobby. You dont want to spend time with her doing what she likes (e.g. shopping) so she must go alone but if she leaves you alone (to build a pen, on her day off, etc) your nose is out of joint. Can't you see that is double standards?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

guearyt said:


> I haven't noticed any other behavior you mentioned however, for the past week she has been much less talkative than normal. As for the farm, it was a joint decision. We both went and bought the chickens then to the farm supply for hay, feed, and chicken wire.


Are you being honest with yourself here, who brought up the idea? who might have gone along with the idea? who always gets to do what they want in the relationship? just asking


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Think, for a minute...
> 
> In any of these instances, did she get a phone text, or an actual call, just prior to her rushing out of the door?
> 
> ...


This is a great point made by @SunCMars hey @guearyt check phone bill and she if she received a call or text or made any herself within 30 minutes to 1 hour before she up and left.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Neither of you have ever cheated?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

It doesn’t sound like cooling off at all to me, you describe that everything’s ok when you’re together, and that you do everything together… so this doesn’t sound cold to me at all. It sounds like she sometimes has the occasional activity she’d like to do alone??

And yes babysitting can sometimes be very sudden! It’s a grandchild and a hair appointment. A busy mum can sometimes get a quick appointment and needs a quick babysitter.

It’s ok and normal that sometimes a couple don’t have to spend every minute together. Sometimes one can go to the shop or catch up with friends. My husband and I do lots of things together, but enjoy some time apart and are excited to come together again and hear about what the other got up to. Did you have a nice coffee together and ask her questions about how church was? You know, to show some interest, some enthusiasm and have a laugh together?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

what is her age? any chance it is the beginning of menopause?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

for me it is not a question of her cheating , more just that you have become so used to taking each other for granted that both can't see the wood from the threes , you both have lost the way to talk to each other .
you are at risk of drifting apart because of this , at least you see and are the one starting to ask questions , she it just so much blind to you and the relationship that she will be hit with the shock of who is this man one day when you say something out of anger in response to one of her doing her own thing moments , 
if you want to put this right you need to talk to each other about what you need from each other and where you want this relationship to go before it is too late ,


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

guearyt said:


> She never has anything but an blanket answer. Could have made up anything. When I confront her about seeing someone else she usually snaps and yells at me. In that indo.know is a tell tell sign of guilt.


Mouth shut, eyes and ears open. Never confront without evidence.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

guearyt said:


> I really have no idea. Inhave thought about that over and over. I thought everything was great. Now I am still stunned by the incident. My mind has been going 90 to nothing. Even as I reply from the dinner table, she is sitting on the couch doing something with her phone. I can't see close enough as to what it is. We are both totally silent. I'm guessing I might as well face it.


Does she guard her phone? Keep it with her, etc.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So she goes to church regularly but you are concerned she went to church? I don't get it. She was only doing what she normally does and you say she helped when she got back. 
I can't see what you are concerned about. 

As for her doing some thing on her phone, that's probably what the majority of the population does. Can't really see that as a concern at all.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I wouldn’t get too crazy too fast. There may be nothing going on except some crabbiness. Don’t burn the witch only to find out she is human. Keep your eyes and ears open for now but no need to gather firewood...... yet.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

guearyt said:


> I haven't noticed any other behavior you mentioned however, for the past week she has been much less talkative than normal. As for the farm, it was a joint decision. We both went and bought the chickens then to the farm supply for hay, feed, and chicken wire.


Before I read on I must ask this first: Why would you buy chickens before you build a pen?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

guearyt said:


> I really have no idea. Inhave thought about that over and over. I thought everything was great. Now I am still stunned by the incident. My mind has been going 90 to nothing. Even as I reply from the dinner table, *she is sitting on the couch doing something with her phone*. I can't see close enough as to what it is. We are both totally silent. I'm guessing I might as well face it.


Next time this happens, get up quickly for a reason to walk by close enough to see her screen. See if she quickly puts her phone down...probably like she's done using it. Then when you go back to where you were she will pick it up again.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> So she goes to church regularly but you are concerned she went to church? I don't get it. She was only doing what she normally does and you say she helped when she got back.
> I can't see what you are concerned about.
> 
> As for her doing some thing on her phone, that's probably what the majority of the population does. Can't really see that as a concern at all.


I wonder if she normally walks away from him without replying to his questions, or if this new.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

manwithnoname said:


> Before I read on I must ask this first: Why would you buy chickens before you build a pen?


Which came first?

The chicken or the egg?

I say the rooster!


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## Goobertron (Aug 14, 2012)

I was with my then wife around 8 years when she developed the feels for another guy. What age are you around, in your 30's? A lot of women seek to look again for a better guy in the sexual market place before they hit the wall so they try chase "a better man" and cheat around that age.

In your gut who do you think it is? You probably can figure it out. I like the dog tracker idea then you can see where she's gone with your own eyes. Don't believe her words only her actions. 

I wonder if she's seeing an ex or a work colleague. Perhaps she knew you'd be distracted for a few hours and expected to be able to slip away so didn't even engage with you as you wanted to stop her. 

Has the intimacy stopped? Sometimes they feel guilty about being with you if they have feelings for another as they're probably on the phone to them all the time. Ask to see her phone and emails.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This marriage thread outcome, could indeed, go either way, viz., the wife is flustered, needs space, or is stepping out.

Our new poster needs to do some soul searching and some snooping.
There are too many unanswered questions.

@guearyt, how are the chickens?

I hope well, and I hope that no wayward chicken-hen has come home to roost.


_King Brian-_


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I read through you post twice and really don't see too much of a problem. It may be a little odd that she didn't even answer you when asking for help, but that is about the only add thing I see. And that kind of sounds like maybe she resent and has second thoughts about the farm thing. Maybe she doesn't want to put in the work. 

I agree with other that for now you should just keep an eye on things for any other odd behavior, but I wouldn't wait too long to talk to her. If nothing comes up you should talk to her about what you are sensing and you want to make sure she is okay. Letting coldness and distance go questioned will only make it worse. It won't fix itself.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

manwithnoname said:


> I wonder if she normally walks away from him without replying to his questions, or if this new.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

New


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I read through you post twice and really don't see too much of a problem. It may be a little odd that she didn't even answer you when asking for help, but that is about the only add thing I see. And that kind of sounds like maybe she resent and has second thoughts about the farm thing. Maybe she doesn't want to put in the work.
> 
> I agree with other that for now you should just keep an eye on things for any other odd behavior, but I wouldn't wait too long to talk to her. If nothing comes up you should talk to her about what you are sensing and you want to make sure she is okay. Letting coldness and distance go questioned will only make it worse. It won't fix itself.


Very well thought out and said. Thank you.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> This marriage thread outcome, could indeed, go either way, viz., the wife is flustered, needs space, or is stepping out.
> 
> Our new poster needs to do some soul searching and some snooping.
> There are too many unanswered questions.
> ...


Thank you. 


Goobertron said:


> I was with my then wife around 8 years when she developed the feels for another guy. What age are you around, in your 30's? A lot of women seek to look again for a better guy in the sexual market place before they hit the wall so they try chase "a better man" and cheat around that age.
> 
> In your gut who do you think it is? You probably can figure it out. I like the dog tracker idea then you can see where she's gone with your own eyes. Don't believe her words only her actions.
> 
> ...


Intimacy pick up again last night.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Goobertron said:


> I was with my then wife around 8 years when she developed the feels for another guy. What age are you around, in your 30's? A lot of women seek to look again for a better guy in the sexual market place before they hit the wall so they try chase "a better man" and cheat around that age.
> 
> In your gut who do you think it is? You probably can figure it out. I like the dog tracker idea then you can see where she's gone with your own eyes. Don't believe her words only her actions.
> 
> ...


We are both age 55 and in our second marriage. Someone stated there are many unanswered questions. I agree. Through all the advice, which I am grateful for, many questions have been spoted.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Which came first?
> 
> The chicken or the egg?
> 
> I say the rooster!


Hahaha!!! Humor is always appreciated at this time.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Think, for a minute...
> 
> In any of these instances, did she get a phone text, or an actual call, just prior to her rushing out of the door?
> 
> ...


She did receive a text. And she text back. It was back and forth for about 5 minutes.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> This is a great point made by @SunCMars hey @guearyt check phone bill and she if she received a call or text or made any herself within 30 minutes to 1 hour before she up and left.





manwithnoname said:


> Before I read on I must ask this first: Why would you buy chickens before you build a pen?


Good questions. I thought we could get it done quickly. All is well with the chickens. Laying eggs daily. Bought 2 guard geese also. My wife does her share of feeding, watering, etc... she pets the chickens. We now have 60. In the past month added on to the original pen. It is now 1 acre enclosed with bird netting on top.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

She really doesnt.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> what is her age? any chance it is the beginning of menopause?


She is past all that. Hysterectomy and all.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

uphillbattle said:


> Neither of you have ever cheated?


Inam totally in love. Never cheated. Never even looked at another. From what I know and my gut feeling tells me she hasn't cheated either.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

aine said:


> Are you being honest with yourself here, who brought up the idea? who might have gone along with the idea? who always gets to do what they want in the relationship? just asking


We both get what we want. No arguments there.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

guearyt said:


> My wife and I normally do everything together and love it. Every now and then she will go shopping alone because I dont want to go.
> This, on the other hand, has happened twice in the past 2 months. The first time was a Sunday and we had recently started a small farm. The day before, we purchased some chickens and they were staying in a small dog carrier while my wife and in built a pen for them. Well that Sunday morning I got an early start with what I could do alone and waited for her. A couple of hours later she comes out and says she is going to church. I was sweating bullets and needed help desperately at this time. Keep in mind the 5 grown chickens are in the dog carrier. I asked her to please stay and help. I was worried the chickens wouldn't make it and needed to finish the pen. She more or less ignored me and continued to her car. Thos was 8:30 am. She usually returns at 12:30. So again I pleaded with her to please stay and help me finish. She said nothing. Only continued out of the driveway. I couldn't do what was needed alone and she was gone. When she got home she did help. However there was no explanation or apology as to why she so desperately had to go to church. I was really hurt by this.
> Three days ago was her day off. We were goofing off having a great time. On her days off we work out between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. Before this, we both laid on the bed for a short nap. 10 minutes in and she gets up. I laid there for about 10 more minutes then got up to work out. When I went to her she announced she was going to pick up the grand kids from school and take them home. The her daughter was going to the hair salon so my wife needed to babysit. This was suddenly. I asked her what about us. Working out then dinner and tv. No comment. Just straight out the door.
> She returned 3 and a half hours later.
> ...


Maybe you aren't explaining it well....or there is nothing wrong.
Nothing you just described to me sounded like anything at all. I don't even understand what you think is wrong. 
Sunday? That is the day to go to church. If someone is spiritual and has a local church you go to church. Church trumps chores. She didn't wrong you by not cancelling church to do farm work. 
She went to get the grand kids? I don't see why that is an issue. 
I don't think there is any problem to even talk about. If there is....I'd say you would need to explain it better.


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

aine said:


> How old are you and your wife? You have only been together 8 years. How did you meet? Was there any cheating, affairs, etc. involved?
> 
> It sounds on the face of it that she needs some of her own time. You appear to need her all the time. How difficult is it to build a chicken pen for 5 chickens? Seriously, you sound a bit needy and clingy.
> You also appear to be very sensitive and take everything she does as a slight to you. It is not attractive at all. Do your own thing.
> ...


Very thought provoking.


aine said:


> How old are you and your wife? You have only been together 8 years. How did you meet? Was there any cheating, affairs, etc. involved?
> 
> It sounds on the face of it that she needs some of her own time. You appear to need her all the time. How difficult is it to build a chicken pen for 5 chickens? Seriously, you sound a bit needy and clingy.
> You also appear to be very sensitive and take everything she does as a slight to you. It is not attractive at all. Do your own thing.
> ...


No cheating or affairs involved. We met in college. She does her own thing when she want. I have no problem with that and as things are these days, she always tells me where she is going. That's fine too. I do my own thing as well from time to time. I have some veteran friends that have major disabilities due to combat. I can't really explain how great all has been with us. Then suddenly a text, no remarks, the cold shoulder, and she leaves. Way out of the ordinary.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

guearyt said:


> Thank you.
> 
> Intimacy pick up again last night.


Yeah, I doubt you have a real problem here. Some people go through moods, I'm sure you do to. My advice still stands. Be observant and talk if it continues or becomes more frequent. 


Do you both have open access to each others phones? This is something that always gets to me when I see posts about people locking and protecting phones from their spouse. In my marriage the wife and I have no secrets. We both have full and compete access to all devices and accounts. We share a personal email account and we share our passwords for other email accounts. We both have full access to all phones, tablets, laptops, etc. For example, yesterday I posted a pic of my wife on my FB news feed. She wanted to share it, but couldn't because I didn't tag her. I told her to just go on my phone and tag herself from my FB account if she wants to share it, and she did. I'm not doing anything on that phone she shouldn't see, so why not. I know some people argue privacy when it comes to some of this, but why would there be anything said or done on a phone that a spouse should see? Makes no sense to me.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Yeah, I doubt you have a real problem here. Some people go through moods, I'm sure you do to. My advice still stands. Be observant and talk if it continues or becomes more frequent.
> 
> 
> Do you both have open access to each others phones? This is something that always gets to me when I see posts about people locking and protecting phones from their spouse. In my marriage the wife and I have no secrets. We both have full and compete access to all devices and accounts. We share a personal email account and we share our passwords for other email accounts. We both have full access to all phones, tablets, laptops, etc. For example, yesterday I posted a pic of my wife on my FB news feed. She wanted to share it, but couldn't because I didn't tag her. I told her to just go on my phone and tag herself from my FB account if she wants to share it, and she did. I'm not doing anything on that phone she shouldn't see, so why not. I know some people argue privacy when it comes to some of this, but why would there be anything said or done on a phone that a spouse should see? Makes no sense to me.


We do have open access to the phones. Much like you, we know all of each others passwords as well. Nothing to hide. Privacy is no issue. Maybe I am over reacting. But again, her actions were so not like her. People do change and people do go through moods. She apologized last night when we went to bed. She was very loving also. I'm settled down now this morning because of that. I do hope I over reacted.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It is said that God made Eve from Adam's rib.

I believe it was from Adam's overly sensitive funny-bone.


_The Typist-_


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> It is said that God made Eve from Adam's rib.
> 
> I believe it was from Adam's overly sensitive funny-bone.
> 
> ...


Awesome!!!


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> what is her age? any chance it is the beginning of menopause?


Spare me. 

Menopause doesn't make you suddenly cold and really oddly NON COMMUNICATIVE about daily plans towards your spouse.


----------



## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

guearyt said:


> She did receive a text. And she text back. It was back and forth for about 5 minutes.


Did you know the number or who it was?


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Livvie said:


> Spare me.
> 
> Menopause doesn't make you suddenly cold and really oddly NON COMMUNICATIVE about daily plans towards your spouse.


Good point, something has taken her thoughts away from the marriage.

Most partners would give a better explanation for leaving.
If not at the moment, later, with giving a more thorough briefing.

Something could be going on, and its not cheating.
A friend in need, or trouble.

That is why you need to quietly observe and dig for answers.

Look at her phone, in any of the messaging aps.


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

guearyt said:


> She returned 3 and a half hours later.
> I once again was hurt by this but more puzzled and surprised over all. I felt stood up. It was our day together. I am still bothered by this.
> Should I be bothered vy this or just brush it off?
> Ask questions as needed and if you think I'm wrong and shouldn't be bothered by it, just let me know.
> Thank you in advance for any advice or helpful words.


Well, I don't want to jump the gun, but in my experience, seems to me she is leaving to meet up with another guy for a roll in the hay. Again, not by any means definite. But I know this behavior all too well.

I think you may want to get on her phone, and if an iPhone, set up her Location Services to show you where her phone is at at all times.

How to Share Location on iPhone Using iMessage In 2021 | TechUntold 

You don't want "Send My Current Location" You want "Share My Location" and choose Indefinitely.

So for the method to Send Live Location in Messages on iPhone In Two Ways, skip the 1st and 2nd method, you want: *Share your Location For Specific Time in Messages on iOS Device*

You can even hit Directions and it will take you right to where she is at.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Spare me.
> 
> Menopause doesn't make you suddenly cold and really oddly NON COMMUNICATIVE about daily plans towards your spouse.


Thank you for that.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Livvie said:


> Spare me.
> 
> Menopause doesn't make you suddenly cold and really oddly NON COMMUNICATIVE about daily plans towards your spouse.


a wife who suddenly is acting very differently?
sure it does.

just look at the hundreds of threads here about "wife suddenly does not want sex anymore, what do it do?"


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

What do you grow on the farm? Making a living off 60 chickens?
Wife acting strange and gut feeling.... usually right.

a couple buying a farm and attempting to earn a living off 60 chickens? Strange. Or is this really a farm, but retirement hobby and plenty of money already coming in. None of my business, just trying to get ahandle on all the thought processes going on.
If you have access to her phone, your answers lie there.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

hinterdir said:


> Maybe you aren't explaining it well....or there is nothing wrong.
> Nothing you just described to me sounded like anything at all. I don't even understand what you think is wrong.
> Sunday? That is the day to go to church. If someone is spiritual and has a local church you go to church. Church trumps chores. She didn't wrong you by not cancelling church to do farm work.
> She went to get the grand kids? I don't see why that is an issue.
> I don't think there is any problem to even talk about. If there is....I'd say you would need to explain it better.


it might be simpler than that.
she might just need some time to herself, and the thought of taking her day of rest (Sunday) and helping you all morning stringing chicken wire was too much, and she had to escape for a few hours. She probably went to church, and then took a long walk along a stream


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> What do you grow on the farm? Making a living off 60 chickens?
> Wife acting strange and gut feeling.... usually right.
> 
> a couple buying a farm and attempting to earn a living off 60 chickens? Strange. Or is this really a farm, but retirement hobby and plenty of money already coming in. None of my business, just trying to get ahandle on all the thought processes going on.
> If you have access to her phone, your answers lie there.


farm life is NOT easy. and the isolation day after day gets to some people.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> What do you grow on the farm? Making a living off 60 chickens?
> Wife acting strange and gut feeling.... usually right.
> 
> a couple buying a farm and attempting to earn a living off 60 chickens? Strange. Or is this really a farm, but retirement hobby and plenty of money already coming in. None of my business, just trying to get ahandle on all the thought processes going on.
> If you have access to her phone, your answers lie there.


Farm hobby. They really are just pets. We have 3 dogs also and that's all. Oh, 2 geese. And good call on your part. I am retired. I was in pharmaceuticals for 20 years. My wife works 3 days a week. Radiologist. So we do have some play money but try and be very modest about it. We are very thankful for all of it.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> it might be simpler than that.
> she might just need some time to herself, and the thought of taking her day of rest (Sunday) and helping you all morning stringing chicken wire was too much, and she had to escape for a few hours. She probably went to church, and then took a long walk along a stream


Very well said. I can understand that and agree. Things are coming together. I'm realizing I over reacted somewhat but it would have been good if she told me about it.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Did you know the number or who it was?


Now that I have looked, it was her daughter. I feel foolish but on the other hand still remain somewhat confused and surprised at the way she handled it.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

manwithnoname said:


> I wonder if she normally walks away from him without replying to his questions, or if this new.


No. It was very unusual.


----------



## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

guearyt said:


> Now that I have looked, it was her daughter. I feel foolish but on the other hand still remain somewhat confused and surprised at the way she handled it.


That sounds better, however were there any texts or calls early Sunday morning or it could have been on late Saturday evening or night as well. I would not say much of anything now just watch and monitor phone and if/when this happens again just say that's fine hey I just go with you. If there is anything not on the up and up you will be able to tell it instantly by her facial and body reactions.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Please keep in mind that you are on a site where the former spouses of lots of guys here giving you input made deplorable, deceitful choices that eventually ended the marriage.

So ... given the deviance in normal behavior that you have described, that raises a flag for a dude that comes to eventually learn those little behavior gaffes led to his spouse putting another man's d!ck in her mouth, or pinning her ankles behind her ears. I use hyperbole for a reason.

Don't get all worked up ... yet.

The way I see these events, is that they were things for whatever reason she knew she wanted to do, and perhaps knew making those choices would bother you ... which bothered her, and she simply chose to avoid that discomfort.

Lets be very, very, clear here. There are absolutes surrounding infidelity, and they almost always involve particular behaviors. Being secretive, avoidant, critical, emotionally unavailable, substantial changes to a standard routine, on the phone all the time, or protective of their phone. Things almost always seem 'off' to the other partner.

And here is the important part. All of those things taking place in no way means that your spouse is actively having an affair. But ... they absolutely indicate that some dynamic in the marriage has shifted and you should be very cognizant of what that is.

So lets start at the beginning.

You have been married 8 years. Tell us a bit about the dynamic you have with your wife.

You indicated feeling 'hurt' by the choices she made. This makes me wonder ... would both of you describe your marriage as inter-dependent? Meaning you each have your own 'things' that does not involve one another?

What I'm trying to determine is whether you are 'over-loving' your wife.

Yes. Thats a thing. Lots of men believe making their spouse the center of their universe is something to be cherished and celebrated. Let me assure you, it most definitely is not. In fact it is a sure fire mechanism to erode her respect for you and how she values the relationship.

All exploratory questions at this point. You needn't answer if you choose not to, but you should definitely do the math in your head for your own benefit.

Welcome to the best place nobody ever wants to be.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

This could just be a one-off. 

Keep a journal. Log what you see each day. You may want to do some very discreet investigation, but whatever you do act normal and don't ever give away your hand. You need to just observe and wait. If she is cheating the signs will start to increase in number and frequency. 

Never ever accuse her without definitive proof that she is up to no good, and it may take a few weeks to get that proof.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

If in fact, infidelity is the issue, I stand firmly in the camp of NEVER accuse them. Discover. Determine. Decide. Disclose. Divorce.
All actions on your part in the worst case. All involving choices you make. Not her.

It is human nature to want to confront a cheating partner, get them to confess, get them to acknowledge your pain, get them to atone. There is a method for fully disclosing and blowing up an affair where you leave the wayward spouse's head spinning. I forget what its called.

It is generally intended (someone can correct me if I'm mistaken) to blow up the fantasy bubble of the affair, and get your cheating spouse onboard with trying to salvage the marriage. Or at your discretion, dissolve it.

Point being, we got plans for everything around here. But lets not put a pin in your marriage just yet.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Deejo said:


> Please keep in mind that you are on a site where the former spouses of lots of guys here giving you input made deplorable, deceitful choices that eventually ended the marriage.
> 
> So ... given the deviance in normal behavior that you have described, that raises a flag for a dude that comes to eventually learn those little behavior gaffes led to his spouse putting another man's d!ck in her mouth, or pinning her ankles behind her ears. I use hyperbole for a reason.
> 
> ...


I really appreciate that. I take it all to heart. As far as each of us liking to do things on our own, we usually do everything together. 
However, over loving. Oh that is such a possibility. I place her first in every situation. And I do place her on a pedestal. She knows it and so far seems to love it. But again, over loving i am guilty of. 
My nephew told me once that the worse he treats his girlfriends, the closer more loving to him they are.
I do believe you are on to a good thing here. 
Now my part is not going to be that easy. 
Where to start?
How to act?
What to continue and what to quit doing? 
And so much more
But thanks a ton. Well said and well taken.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

guearyt said:


> I really appreciate that. I take it all to heart. As far as each of us liking to do things on our own, we usually do everything together.
> However, over loving. Oh that is such a possibility. I place her first in every situation. And I do place her on a pedestal. She knows it and so far seems to love it. But again, over loving i am guilty of.
> My nephew told me once that the worse he treats his girlfriends, the closer more loving to him they are.
> I do believe you are on to a good thing here.
> ...


2 things.

First a reading recommendation, based on what you have provided thus far: No More Mr. Nice Guy

Second, a link to the sticky in the Men's Forum. Valuable threads for reference and Book list at the bottom Be a Better Man
By no means do you need to read it all, but peruse the content, and dig deeper on anything that resonates, or ask questions here in your thread.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Indeed I will do. This is awesome. 
A very big thank you!!!!


----------



## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

guearyt said:


> Indeed I will do. This is awesome.
> A very big thank you!!!!


You still need to set her phone to share her location with you so when she goes off without saying a word for 4 hours at a time, you know where she went.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Also, just a reminder if you pick up that, or any 'self-improvement' book. Do NOT share with your wife that you are reading it, or if you do make that mistake ... solicit her input on what she thinks of it. This is for you. You alone. You are the primary beneficiary. Your marriage, and your spouse is the secondary beneficiary.

Making changes in yourself are FOR you. It muddies the water and is counterproductive for you to gauge any changes or the desirability of those changes by asking your partner how she 'feels' about it.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

drencrom said:


> You still need to set her phone to share her location with you so when she goes off without saying a word for 4 hours at a time, you know where she went.


Agreed.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Deejo said:


> Also, just a reminder if you pick up that, or any 'self-improvement' book. Do NOT share with your wife that you are reading it, or if you do make that mistake ... solicit her input on what she thinks of it. This is for you. You alone. You are the primary beneficiary. Your marriage, and your spouse is the secondary beneficiary.
> 
> Making changes in yourself are FOR you. It muddies the water and is counterproductive for you to gauge any changes or the desirability of those changes by asking your partner how she 'feels' about it.


Also agreed. I now have ordered No More Mr Nice Guy.


----------



## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> Which came first?
> 
> The chicken or the egg?
> 
> I say the rooster!


The egg.

Dinosaurs laid eggs, birds evolved from dinosaurs and chickens evolved from earlier birds.

Eggs have been around many. many more years than chickens.

End of t/j.


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## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

Does she have a Satellite Navigation system in her car?

In the UK some systems have a program that keeps, and can display, the last ten days journey records, and marks any place the car stayed for some time.

A nice one that comes with free map updates could be a great birthday/Xmas present?


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## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

cp3o said:


> The egg.
> 
> Dinosaurs laid eggs, birds evolved from dinosaurs and chickens evolved from earlier birds.
> 
> ...


Hmmmmm....
Fact!!!


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

cp3o said:


> Does she have a Satellite Navigation system in her car?
> 
> In the UK some systems have a program that keeps, and can display, the last ten days journey records, and marks any place the car stayed for some time.
> 
> A nice one that comes with free map updates could be a great birthday/Xmas present?


Yes indeed!!! I love it. No navigation in her car but great thinking. As for a gift...yes indeed.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

cp3o said:


> The egg.
> 
> Dinosaurs laid eggs, birds evolved from dinosaurs and chickens evolved from earlier birds.
> 
> ...


Technically, yes. But the chicken egg? 

The rooster was banging the hen, and he came first because of his PE.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Why are you here? You are really worried about something apparently, yet o haven’t seen anything so bad. What has really set you off?

If you are going to get a decent analysis from internet people and advise......, ....

there’s got to be more to this feeling you have.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why are you here? You are really worried about something apparently, yet o haven’t seen anything so bad. What has really set you off?
> 
> If you are going to get a decent analysis from internet people and advise......, ....
> 
> there’s got to be more to this feeling you have.


OP might be sensing his wife is restless, and his subconscious is telling him to do something about it, but he is not sure what to do? 

How about a weekend vacation to the nearest fun city?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

guearyt said:


> I now have ordered No More Mr Nice Guy.


No Mr Nice Guy because your wife went to church and babysat for her daughter?  This is not going to end well.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> No Mr Nice Guy because your wife went to church and babysat for her daughter?  This is not going to end well.


No, because her communication to him on a couple of occasions has been very weird and cold, worse than most people would give a mere friend they don't even live with, and he has said he has her on a kind of worshipping pedestal.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Find out what is eating at her. 

Careful, TAMMER's


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why are you here? You are really worried about something apparently, yet o haven’t seen anything so bad. What has really set you off?
> 
> If you are going to get a decent analysis from internet people and advise......, ....
> 
> there’s got to be more to this feeling you have.


I've said I have confused and shocked feelings.


Evinrude58 said:


> Why are you here? You are really worried about something apparently, yet o haven’t seen anything so bad. What has really set you off?
> 
> If you are going to get a decent analysis from internet people and advise......, ....
> 
> there’s got to be more to this feeling you have.


I said I only have feelings of confusion and shock. These feelings are still present, however, we have made up and everything is as it was before. Now I, as so many have said to be, am remaining more aware of what goes on.


Evinrude58 said:


> Why are you here? You are really worried about something apparently, yet o haven’t seen anything so bad. What has really set you off?
> 
> If you are going to get a decent analysis from internet people and advise......, ....
> 
> there’s got to be more to this feeling you have.


My feelings somewhat remain as I explained. However, we have made up and she really put extra effort into the resolution. I will remain on guard in a stealth type of mode.
Dont know if this answers your question but it is what is going on now.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Livvie said:


> No, because her communication to him on a couple of occasions has been very weird and cold, worse than most people would give a mere friend they don't even live with, and he has said he has her on a kind of worshipping pedestal.


True, but a lot of people go through hot and cold periods.

Yikes, that sounds misogynist!


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> No Mr Nice Guy because your wife went to church and babysat for her daughter?  This is not going to end


What are you predicting?


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I must say, OP, you sound thin-skinned, overly sensitive and a brooder.

This is common in strong _Moon Sign,_ or_ water sign_ types.


_King Brian-_


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> I must say, OP, you sound thin-skinned, overly sensitive and a brooder.
> 
> This is common in strong _Moon Sign,_ or_ water sign_ types.
> 
> ...


Ok. Thanks King. But not very helpful. If you only knew. But i do take any criticism and try to grow with it. Thanks for that.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

guearyt said:


> However, we have made up and *she really put extra effort into the resolution.*


LOL. I love it! No crudity - just the facts, ma'am.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m glad you have “made up”.

But how can you two make up if she didn’t tell you what the heck was eating at her as SunC put it? I’m curious about what was bothering her.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> True, but a lot of people go through hot and cold periods.
> 
> Yikes, that sounds misogynist!


Really? What she did was intentionally rude. I've never even blown off a friend (who I don't even live with) like that. Have you??


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

well what to do?

she must be bored and needing some personal space.

so it is walking a tightrope. you need to go do fun things with her, get her to enjoy life and living with you again.

but simultaneously you need to give her more space, time by herself. every night it should not be "what are we going to do together?". she should have other friends, other interests, to keep her busy without you there 24/7.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> I must say, OP, you sound thin-skinned, overly sensitive and a brooder.
> 
> This is common in strong _Moon Sign,_ or_ water sign_ types.
> 
> ...


Maybe he expects better communication from a spouse.

Most expect better communication, even if on the fly, from a mere friend. 

Why are you so defending of jackass poor treatment?


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m glad you have “made up”.
> 
> But how can you two make up if she didn’t tell you what the heck was eating at her as SunC put it? I’m curious about what was bothering her.


Evidently nothing was bothering her. She did pick up the kids, took them through a drive thru for ice cream, then to their home to babysit. All confirmed with not just her but others as well. So maybe I missed something, misread something, I dont know. All in all it did happen and all now seems very good.
One thing I have not mentioned, she may have simply needed that babysitting invitation. This year alone, I have been diagnosed with Peripheral Neuropathy, Visceral Neuropathy, 5 jagged vertebrae and 4 collapsed disks, my left foot has become paralyzed, my hands are totally numb, tore a rotator cuff, tore a bicep, my heart stops an average of 93 times per 20 minutes. All due to 3 Traumatic Brain Injuries, 24 moderate and severe concussions, 19 broken bones. (Fighting, MotoX, Football and auto crashes). Anyway, A few more things as well but you get the picture. I'm probably not the easiest to live with. I recognize that.
Thanks for all.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Maybe he expects better communication from a spouse.
> 
> Most expect better communication, even if on the fly, from a mere friend.
> 
> Why are you so defending of jackass poor treatment?


Communication has been a job from day one with us. She says she remains quiet so she wont say anything she will regret. Says it is her way of keeping peace.


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

TBI effects personality in negative ways that the person with TBI often doesn’t recognize due to their TBI.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

guearyt said:


> All due to 3 Traumatic Brain Injuries, 24 moderate and severe concussions, 19 broken bones. (Fighting, MotoX, Football and auto crashes).


In retrospect, do you think your recreational activities were worth living a limited life in your older years?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

guearyt said:


> What are you predicting?


That you ask her, and discuss it, if she is behaving in a weird way, instead of doing some kind of 180 for such trivial issues. Don't put an unnecessary strain on your relationship.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> TBI effects personality in negative ways that the person with TBI often doesn’t recognize due to their TBI.


That I do know. Been living it since 2003. That was the first. Personality I am very aware of. I read med journals daily to keep up on any changes and knowledge. Europe is far ahead of the US in the medical tech. I also see a psych doc once a month ti keep in line as well.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

TMI...


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

double post


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

guearyt said:


> That I do know. Been living it since 2003. That was the first. Personality I am very aware of. I read med journals daily to keep up on any changes and knowledge. Europe is far ahead of the US in the medical tech. I also see a psych doc once a month ti keep in line as well.


My understanding being aware of it doesn't change that often you will view or feel things in very different ways than others. So how you view the original event from this thread might be wildly different than how others do. Including your wife In addition your psych doc doesn't change the injury. Have you spoke to your doctor about this incident?


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> My understanding being aware of it doesn't change that often you will view or feel things in very different ways than others. So how you view the original event from this thread might be wildly different than how others do. Including your wife In addition your psych doc doesn't change the injury. Have you spoke to your doctor about this incident?


Hahaha...my God. Inhave 4 doctors. Neuro, Cardio, Internist, and the psych. I wont read your negative input any longer. I avoid negativity if I am able.


----------



## guearyt (Apr 30, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Sorry to hear of your condition.
> 
> I too have had at least 3 TBI's, and crushed disks in my spine.
> 
> ...


I too have the Vasovagal fun. Happened one night when I fell backwards down a concrete embankment and cracked the back of my skull. Brain slosh made the whites of my eyes totally glowing red. You know how that is too I'm sure. 
Someone on here asked me if I regret my careless past. If I would have answered, it would have been no. It's the fun I had growing up and even as an adult I accomplished many missions. Last TBI was 2 years ago. I died in the helicopter on the way to the trauma center from the MX race. Obviously they saved me but that was my second time to die. First time was Vasovagal. I fell and busted my head on the side of the tub. My wife was my savior this time. I guess that's part of the reason I put her on a pedestal. 
Vietnam. My my!!!! You were in the hell of wars. I have many friends that toured Vietnam. Most are disabled in more than one way. 
I contracted with what was Blackwater. Has changed several owners and names now. But it was good.
Went to Germany, Russia, Ukraine, Mexico, and several places even here in the US. Regrets....none. 
You seem like a man of honor also. I'm sure you take pride in your duties. As it should be. It's what we signed up for. And there are some out there that need to meet people like us. I'm sure I or we will catch some crap from other members now for running off base and probably offending some as well. Oh well. 
You take care my friend.
And thank you for sharing your story. Though it is only a fraction of it. People just dont know. Someone on here said in was thin skinned and .....
......
To that I said if you only knew.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

guearyt said:


> Hahaha...my God. Inhave 4 doctors. Neuro, Cardio, Internist, and the psych. I wont read your negative input any longer. I avoid negativity if I am able.


LOL so you admit you over reacted you 'understand' TBI but you won't consider it effected your response and how you 'saw' her actions. Ok sounds like you have it all under control not sure why you are here. Carry on.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

guearyt said:


> Someone on here said in was thin skinned and .....
> ......
> To that I said if you only knew.


I said that...

Said it, as a matter of fact, and without knowing your background.

Um, and I too, am thin skinned. 

I am a _Martian_ and take slights poorly.

I apologize (such that) I offended you.



_Are Dee-_


As posters on the internet, we are asked to give up our opinions.
Many times we do so with what information the _Original Poster_ (OP) offers up.

Some, fire from the hip, rather than waiting for more facts to be uncovered.

If all the posters sat back and waited for more facts to pulled from each OP, this blog, TAM would soon breed crickets, and fold.

You presented yourself in a manner that allowed other to get a limited view of your situation.
Some made false assumptions.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

At least your short term memory isn't affected.


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## It'sme123 (Oct 8, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Hey @guearyt
> Did you ask her daughter if she babysit for her? I would’ve have said ok this is our time together I’ll just go with you. The next time she does this say you’re go with her or wait a couple minutes and follow her if you have doubts. Also if you have the means hire a good PI and if there is any there there you’ll know on probably 1-2 weeks. Finally not sure where you’re located and the laws but other ideas are a hidden VAR and a GPS. Best of luck! I hope you don’t need it, but it does





guearyt said:


> My wife and I normally do everything together and love it. Every now and then she will go shopping alone because I dont want to go.
> This, on the other hand, has happened twice in the past 2 months. The first time was a Sunday and we had recently started a small farm. The day before, we purchased some chickens and they were staying in a small dog carrier while my wife and in built a pen for them. Well that Sunday morning I got an early start with what I could do alone and waited for her. A couple of hours later she comes out and says she is going to church. I was sweating bullets and needed help desperately at this time. Keep in mind the 5 grown chickens are in the dog carrier. I asked her to please stay and help. I was worried the chickens wouldn't make it and needed to finish the pen. She more or less ignored me and continued to her car. Thos was 8:30 am. She usually returns at 12:30. So again I pleaded with her to please stay and help me finish. She said nothing. Only continued out of the driveway. I couldn't do what was needed alone and she was gone. When she got home she did help. However there was no explanation or apology as to why she so desperately had to go to church. I was really hurt by this.
> Three days ago was her day off. We were goofing off having a great time. On her days off we work out between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. Before this, we both laid on the bed for a short nap. 10 minutes in and she gets up. I laid there for about 10 more minutes then got up to work out. When I went to her she announced she was going to pick up the grand kids from school and take them home. The her daughter was going to the hair salon so my wife needed to babysit. This was suddenly. I asked her what about us. Working out then dinner and tv. No comment. Just straight out the door.
> She returned 3 and a half hours later.
> ...


It seems like this behavior is different than usual from your wife so I understand your cause for concern. Maybe she needs a little time to herself. Speaking from my point of view, I am a woman who needs here own time to regroup and reboot to be me again! Sometimes it's listening to music and cleaning, or doing gardening for a bit. My husband will be working on his car or mowing the lawn. We are together in each others presence but doing our own thing. It's very healthy for us because when are together it's just the two of us. Maybe going to church is her time of reflection and spiritualness for herself. Sometimes I read the replies on these post and the answers are he/she is cheating or divorce the person and I feel they are negative and not helpful. I'm looking at this from my perspective. Hope this helps!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

In Absentia said:


> No Mr Nice Guy because your wife went to church and babysat for her daughter?  This is not going to end well.



The book is not intended to address anything that he mentioned regarding his wife's behavior. The recommendation for the book is based on his expression of the dynamic he has with his wife, and how he views his marriage. It's about him. Not her.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

guearyt said:


> I really appreciate that. I take it all to heart. As far as each of us liking to do things on our own, we usually do everything together.
> However, over loving. Oh that is such a possibility. I place her first in every situation. And I do place her on a pedestal. She knows it and so far seems to love it. But again, over loving i am guilty of.
> My nephew told me once that the worse he treats his girlfriends, the closer more loving to him they are.
> I do believe you are on to a good thing here.
> ...


Do not be so available. Be your own man, don't always do things on her terms. Women admire strong men not doormats (nor drunks, nor druggies, not loungers, etc).


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> In retrospect, do you think your recreational activities were worth living a limited life in your older years?


did your wife have much say in it,


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

guearyt said:


> I too have the Vasovagal fun. Happened one night when I fell backwards down a concrete embankment and cracked the back of my skull. Brain slosh made the whites of my eyes totally glowing red. You know how that is too I'm sure.
> Someone on here asked me if I regret my careless past. If I would have answered, it would have been no. It's the fun I had growing up and even as an adult I accomplished many missions. Last TBI was 2 years ago. I died in the helicopter on the way to the trauma center from the MX race. Obviously they saved me but that was my second time to die. First time was Vasovagal. I fell and busted my head on the side of the tub. My wife was my savior this time. I guess that's part of the reason I put her on a pedestal.
> Vietnam. My my!!!! You were in the hell of wars. I have many friends that toured Vietnam. Most are disabled in more than one way.
> I contracted with what was Blackwater. Has changed several owners and names now. But it was good.
> ...


Is this what your wife signed up for also?


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