# From Melbourne Australia -



## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Thanks all for your honesty - and views. I'm new. May God bless you. I hope my initial thread is read by all, please help...I will try to support you all in any way.

With prayers, 
Mark

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My name is Mark, I’m from Melbourne Australia. I am saying Gday to you…a slang approach of saying Hello. I had a wife. I have been married for 7 years on September 4, 2004. We have two beautiful children – boy and girl, perfect family…perfect life.

On January 10th 2012, I found out she had/ and still has been cheating on me. 

The guy she cheated with, he is an older and wealthier man than I am. I hate him. Seriously do. He is a father of two at the school my daughter is currently enrolled in. He is also going through his own separation/divorce proceedings. I had shaken this guy’s hand during last year 2011. I believe he made a move on my wife, and my wife condoned the move, and took part in an EA. I am unsure what to trust now.

Basically, my wife and I had drifted apart for 6-8 months of 2011. I was very busy with work, On top of this, I was helping my wife’s family build their Clothing Alterations business. I was focused on working my a$$ off to provide financially. I guess that left my marriage in a vulnerable position as my wife wasn’t getting the emotional needs she required from me. That was not to say that I didn’t love her, or showed her enough love during our busy period. We made love often – and I believed that we had a healthy marriage. 

I found evidence of deep emotional affair that he and my wife had partaken, when my son on his 3rd birthday on Jan 8th – she sent him a picture message of her and him – telling him, I wish you were here x0x0x0. It made me sick. On Dec 30th, I remember trying to reconcile with my wife, and I got the dreaded words; Mark. I love you, but I’m not in love with you…

In any case, Jan 10th 2012 will be etched in my soul forever. My late mother came to me in a dream and I woke up (at this stage we were still sleeping in the same room/bed, but no intimacy at all). My mother said the words; I love you, but I’m not in love with you… I came to work, and googled the phrase, and basically it says that when your lover says this, 9/10 they are committed to another person. So my heart skipped a beat, and I hacked into her email accounts to prove otherwise. I got the emails that proved EA.

I then came home and told her family, she denied it. Denied that it was a stranger, some random guy that saw her in a shopping mall. In any case, I told her to end it, her family was involved and present. She wrote a letter/email to end it, and I saw the email, so did her sister. She sent it to him, but alas, her mobile phone records (which she hid purposely) saw that she had been meeting up with him/calling/texting the lot. We tried Marriage counselling during January, that didn’t help, because she said to the counsellor that she wanted separation…100% for two weeks. I said no way, I am not a used garbage to be tossed. In any case, I relented, and stayed for my parents for the weekend – do you know what she did? She made me a baby sitter – and while I was looking after the kids, she was with him, at a hotel. I found out about it by snooping her wallet, finding the Hotel card, ringing the hotel up – and asking if her and the OM was staying there. When I found out they where both there, that’s when I went ballistic, confiscated credit cards, her phone, her Louis vuitton bag, her keys to the car. I said, now you have nothing. Get out of our home. For 5 hours she ran away…and filed a police report. In any case, she came back, and she was unrepentant.

All through February, we trialled a three week separation. I left to live with my Dad, partly to give myself space to heal. To pray to the Lord. Partly to try out separation. But it was difficult. I love my children, and they miss me. My daughter, initially told me that Chris and Michelle where amicable when they were at school together. They talked…my daughter even video taped them both in her ipod and showed me. My daughter hates this man…and knows why. I didn’t tell her, she understood what was going on.

In any case, OMs wife, rang me out of the blue, and told me that my wife and homewrecker man had a deep affair. I was wrecked, she rang me by googling my work – I think she has had a private investigator on her husband and suspected something. In any case, my utter devastation was complete… I told my wife, our marriage was over, I was hurt, I was so upset. 

So come March - whereby last week, I sent my wife away on a Health/Spiritual retreat for 4 days, and then another 4 days away in the big city to go shopping. Boy she did go shopping, and spend as much as she wanted she did. She hated the retreat, as she was alone, could not contact homewrecker man. And she had counselling, and a lot of the counselling focused on her as a Mother, a person…but not a wife. She said to me, that she thinks she was a good wife. 

The conundrum is she feels lonely, unloved and needs someone to help her through this and that she has nobody. She feels, she wants to be with somebody, but cannot. She feels stuck, and caught in a hard rock place. I said to her I feel lonely and abandoned, and she feels the same, albeit she then challenged me about it. 

In any case, she also keeps blame shifting and keeps saying, that the poor state of the marriage caused her to cheat. I pusher her to be distant, to cross the fence. To me unacceptable. No way did I ever do this.

Wife then told me last Wednesday, the key words. Verbatim. There is not a day that I don't think about him. 
These words crushed me and liberated me at the same time. To hear the words uttered killed my heart, and at the same time, said, “let her go, this is not your wife!”

So I did. I have done a 180…no contact. Kicked her out of the house. Took the credit cards, the car. No answering Sms/phone calls. I will do more…need to do more.

In Australia, legally, once you separate, you just cannot kick the WS out of the family home, they can live there for 12 months. So I had to let her back in, she sleeps on the couch…to keep in contact with kids. My inlaws support me, as they know the truth…(but blood is thicker than water). Her phone is glued to her. I want to really destroy it. Physically. I want her out. 

Help everyone, please…


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

dalvin au,

Mate, a heart rending story and I'd hoped that someone else who might be able to offer you some greater wisdom than I can might step up and offer you a response. I guess I identify as your timeline is close to mine...

You say that you had a perfect life....but maybe you didn't, obviously your wife didn't. You hate the other guy, he's older and wealthier, he shook your hand and took your wife's heart. That's humiliating, hating the guy is just humiliating yourself further. Don't go there.

It sounds as tho you called a family conference to out your wifes's affair...was this the best way to go? Do you want, or expect everyone to take your side in this?

You 'confiscated' her stuff....to show her she had nothing.

You 'sent' her away on a retreat...which she hated. It sounds as tho you chose it for her...does she share your spiritual beliefs?

"So I did. I have done a 180…no contact. Kicked her out of the house. Took the credit cards, the car. No answering Sms/phone calls. I will do more…need to do more."

The 180, as I understand it, is about taking your space to fix yourself, to take back your sense of self, NOT about being some kind of avenger of wrongs.

We're all in for a hard time emotionally here, I hear what your feeling and sympathise...but you've got to get yourself to a better frame of mind to deal with this....not just avenge your wifes treatment of your relationship.

I hope what I've said is of some use....maybe someone else here can put it better than I can, offer you something that makes better sense than I can.....people?


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Thanks phaber6 for taking the time out to read.

Yes I have made a lot of mistakes, and Yes I am vengeful. I am hurt deeply. To clarify a few things;

1. When I found out about the EA, it was a shock, I had my father and her father in the room where I confronted her. Her family is close, and yes they are involved - She keeps saying it will only push me away...but continually, she keeps seeing him. I guess its her own free will right? I guess I have told the family, in order for them to help me reason with her.

2. We did have a perfect life...the only reason why she strayed is because the OM, was miserable and could validate her feelings, because he had already gone there. He has been in Seperation/Divorce mode for 5 years...he sees my vulnerable wife, and she pays attention to his problems, they share, then bham - easy fix...start affair. Point is, he has been repeatedly told to stay away from us, but he keeps lingering. I guess it boils down to what her free will wants.

3. Yes I confiscated the credit cards, the family car, and my own bedroom that we used to share. She maxxed out the credit cards, the family car she was using to meet him and I didnt cheat so why should I sleep on the couch and be uncomfortable? I was doing to doing it to be vengeful...I was doing it because I had enough of being used and abused.

4.The retreat she agreed to, and yes she didnt like it, purely because she didnt have mobile phone connection ... to talk to the kids and him. Fair enough the kids, but not him. We did share spiritual dealings, and she did connect and appreciate it...although she resented being alone. Which is what she was feeling anyways before she left.

5. I have taken space, and told her, You are not welcome in this home purely because this home is a happy home where my wife would be loving to me and the children. the fact that you abandon/leave at night - to be God knows where, and comeback at 7am the next morning, is wrong...hence why I asked her to leave...""kick her out" is to strong a words.

6. 180 - You are right, I am trying to take care of myself...very hard to. I've been trying to save the marriage by being kind to her...and doing things for her and the children. Kids are No1, but you are right, need to quieten my Spirit and repent.

7. God helps. I'm trying to give it all to Him, but its hard, my nature of being in control is getting in the way. 


Thanks phaber6, I appreciate it.
Please anyone else??? I need the honesty...


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

dalvin_au

What church or congregation are your family members of?


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

We are part of a Catholic Church. We are devout, but lately, with business interests gettting in the way, she wasnt going...
She didnt go on Xmas day, which was very sad.


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

Her not going Christmas Day would be hard...you took the kids?


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

No they missed out...she had an idea that we should do brunch at our home... I went to represent the family...I didnt put the Lord first.


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

dalvin_au

I'm not particularly religious...can you help me understand? Why didn't you put the Lord first at Christmas by allowing them to stay home. Do you feel you should have made them attend to put the Lord first in their lives?


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

phaber6, 

The decision made, was based on my wife and I not having the right priorities. We prioritised having a family gathering, when in fact we should have gone to Church. We should have prioritised the marriage, instead, we tried to build a business...therefore forgoing weekends together. We should have been going out as a family together, instead I was missing dinner meals due to work commitments.

Point is, I was devout...very, so was my wife, and we turned away from God. I view it as His way to say to us both, I am the Shepherd, and I will tend to my stray sheep by bringing them back...I have been brought back, but my wife, has strayed far and distant.


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

Okay,

Is the other guy part of your faith community? Or is he secular, materialistic?

...look, I think you're being so hard on yourself, working hard, not having weekends together, Christmas came and your wife opted for a family time over a formal religious time. Maybe family at that time was the right priority, perhaps it had been for a while?


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

No, he just sends his kids to the Catholic school, he doesnt have strong faith in Christ. He is materialistic...I can go on here, but wont.

I am hard on myself, as I wanted to achieve a lot in my time, but focused on the wrong things. Balance is the key. Same with everyone. I need perspective, and this 180, is the key. I have lost so much weight...from 72kgs to 65kgs, in 4mths...people notice it. Family was priority, but I guess we should have been seeing God first...put Him first, and our spirit is healed and cleansed.

I dont know...I just need the time, to really heal first. Have had this respiratory problem for a month now that wont go away...


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

okay, try and stay well, yeah? Maybe talk tomorrow, I'm off to cook another of my solitary, delicious batch. meals, washed down with a glass of good wine. Maybe two. G"nite, tomorrow's another day.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

dalvin,

Just keep going with the 180. It will help you detach and show her what life without you will look like


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Thanks Toffer.

The emotional detachment is hard to do. I need to quieten my spirit, thats the hardest thing to do. I keep trying to save the marriage, but He and She continually cheat on me...so I have to accept, move on and let it go.

If she comes back, she comes back. But at this stage I am not asking for it...its just too much.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

The kind of 180 I'm doing is kind of hard, as she is living in the same roof. Would it be better if I just left, and had no contact with her? Or I ask her to leave...

The dialogue is very minimal. As I have a full time job, and she does not, I asked her to heat up an oven meal for the kids for this evenings meal. She heatedly retorted back; Am I being dictated to cooking as well?

I backed down, and said; No. You can do whatever you like.

I just feel that she is just so angry and upset at me, that I want her out of the picture for good now. I just dont know how to execute a 180 with her in the home.


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

'morning dalvin_au

....could you move out for a while? To your parents. She'd have to manage the kids which might limit her time with the OM for a bit. She'd have to juggle kids with affair...might be a bit of a reality check for them both. Just a thought....


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Morning phaber! Hope you are rested.

I could move out again. I did separate for three weeks...it was hard for me emotionally as the kids needed me. My wife wasn't able to cope at all. House was a mess. It did slow her down, and she was exhausted. I will contemplate it.
Personally, I know OM has his own issues...and I know I don’t want him moving in the house at all.


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

Hi, 

Thought I'd check in and see how your day's been. Okay I hope.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

morning phaber, 

Hope you are well. As an update, the family (her side) are going to give an ultimatum as they have uncovered more lies and deceipt on her side, and she wont talk to them. They are going to give an ultimatum to either choose the family or the OM. (I already have given this, and she chose OM). Hence it will be a really trying day.

I feel very guilty and have spoken to God about it. I asked for mercy and lenience, but I believe its His way to be done. Hence I am so unsure now.

I'm getting a medical check up today, as I've really taken on the stress too much. Just noth right physically.

Take it easy


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

Hi dalvin_au,

You've gotta big day happening there, I envy you that degree of family support. Hope it goes okay for you, don't expect too much too quickly, but at least she'll understand what is at stake here. 

Let us know how it goes.

Thanks for your response re my losses. I'm getting to the acceptance stage that my wife is gone and won't be coming back. She just wants to put it all behind her....some people are a lot better at doing that than I

.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Phaber,

Never give up hope. Please...dont. for your situation.

The reason why family is involved is kinda how we interact (us being Asian culture/descent). Family helps solve problems/issues together. She hasnt consulted the family because the OM has serious issues. 

In any case, yesterday, she sms me, and said "Pick up your daughter from school because i have no money to put petrol in the car." I was like WTF? I have a full time 9 - 5 job here. School finishes at 3:30PM. I then asked my father in law to pick her up, which he does from time to time, in emergency situations. She then goes off, threatening to call Police that her daughter is being picked up by people other than me or her. I was like WTF, this is your dad? She says, stop involving family, and kept abusing (swearing) at me via SMS.

Put simply, she has gone off the rails.

The family had a meeting, (all of us) to discuss the situation, and everybody is on the same page. I dont want to dob in my wife, no way, but the OM is very dangerous. The gravity of the situation is too much for me to handle. I guess having the family deal with it evens out the 'playing field' so to speak. I mean, its me vs OM & Wife, now its ME & Family vs OM & Wife.

I know its not textbook, or advised by the Counsellors, if I want my marriage to work...at this stage, Divorce is on the cards. What I'm concerned about is her safety and well being. That's it.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi All,


Just an update. The family delivered an ultimatum...Its the Family or Him. The response was; I tried to come back and do the right thing, but I can't...I'm sorry.

Hence the family has lost a loved one, a special person. We hope and pray to God, that she realises...that this man is indeed an evil man. (And when I say evil, I mean evil).

I will remain vigilant, I will look after my beautiful daughter and son on my own. She has made a choice, and now the family has to help our abandoned ones.

thanks


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

dalvin_au

You've been in my thoughts wondering how you'd gone with this.
Not a great result, but I guess not an unexpected one either. 

I'm sorry.

Where to next for you?
Could I suggest that if all the family unite in a total rejection of her its only going to push her into this other relationship...effectively making it easier for her to leave permanently.


Your gonna have to ride this one for a while yet, its not going to be quickly resolved. In few months your feelings may be very different, you'll certainly be a lot stronger and able to deal with it. The hard part is getting to that point.

All the best


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Phaber

Thanks for taking the time out. I appreciate it.


Given the magnitude of the decision she has made, which is to totally reject myself, her own father and mother (plus two sisters) – its been a period of mourning of losing someone we dearly love. We have lost a daughter, sister, niece, wife…but at this stage not a mother. She came back home last night after midnight probably visiting the OM.

I have been strong, and supported the family. My mother in law said to me to watch her (as she is still sleeping in the couch and taking care of the children. Here in Australia, the parent cannot take the children away from their home unless there is an agreement or else that’s termed as abduction). In any case, mother in law asked me to be patient, let her stay and watch for signs and clues that she is turning. If she hasn’t turned or calmed down by Sunday, then we will ask her to leave.

The family and I have made the decision to expel her because what she has done and doing, we cannot abide by. Pure and simple. If she so chooses the OM, then we cannot be a party to it…end of story. Yes it might push her away further, but what are we to do? Abide by her wishes? 

So at this stage, let her be. Let her go. 

I have been praying to God…and by praying, I let Him speak to me. Let His will be done.


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

dalvin_au

Throwing her out of home and family is just throwing her straight the other guy. Physically and emotionally.

Can't you separate, with her to her parents, with or without kids.

Just a thought......


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Phaber6,

When I refer to family, I meant her Mum, Dad and two sisters. Her family gave her the ultimatum last night, "You choose the Family or Him?" That meant, you live with us, (and take the kids) or else.

She chose him, by her words - "I tried to do the right thing...but I can't." She chose him last night by going to him.

We have already seperated (I'm not doing the ultimatum to her...her parents and her own family are telling her all this). She sleeps on the couch downstairs, while I keep to myself. I'm doing my 180 by being on my own, praying to God, not communicating to her.

She has already chosen the OM, hence physically and emotionally she's already there. What we are doing as family is giving her ultimatums - quit cheating...or suffer the consequences.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She will come running back once the OM discards her. Or if the infatuation runs out. Don't take her back. If she does indeed come back, it is only because you are a back up, a safe choice. No love at all.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Thanks for reading the thread…much appreciated.

To tell you the truth, I’m really unsure if she will come back. Im really unsure at this stage.
I have just kept my 180, focusing on getting better and making sure I get proper sleep.
I do hope she comes to her senses…at least that way we can deal with a normal human being. My main aim is to heal the family, which she is part of.
I am not even thinking about falling in love or saving marriage…I just can’t.


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

dalvin_au said:


> Thanks phaber6 for taking the time out to read.
> 
> Yes I have made a lot of mistakes, and Yes I am vengeful. I am hurt deeply. To clarify a few things;
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

I'am goin thru the same thing last week I confronted the ow she is 21 and my stbxh is going on 49 my step daughter is older by a yr. I think you did the right thing . I also told him to leave now he's beggin to come bac knowin that he is not remorseful or admits to anything even after getting caught , he left my 3yr. Old and I to fend for ourselves knowin that i'm not workin and thinks that he can come home and act as if he did nothing , I don't think so .you did right good luck and god bless..don't feel bad about something that she did to destroy not only u but her family.


dalvin_au said:


> Thanks phaber6 for taking the time out to read.
> 
> Yes I have made a lot of mistakes, and Yes I am vengeful. I am hurt deeply. To clarify a few things;
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

This situation could not possibly get any better for a 180 You've exposed her and now she's losing her parents, sisters, and children for an affair with a codependent guy going through his own divorce. If he was interested in a healthy longterm relationship with her he would have taken his time after divorce (at least a year) and would have taken the kids along with her. 

So it's a rebound affair! Unfortunately, this one may take awile because she is in a codependent/codependent relationship with a doctor who can keep her depending on him with money, drug, and distance. Both your W and OM are codependent in one way or another coming out of a relationship and jumping into another one. So there is going to be a lot of unresolved issues and distrust towards eachother. I want to take a leap and guess his divorce from his wife was due to an affair before your wife. Yeah, guess how long it's going to take before the thrill wears off and he/she get's tired of jealous "where are you" calls.

You have to keep optimistic about this and stay a positive with your 180. One day she will see she gave up on a family and a H that truely cared for her for someone that only wanted a relationship to take the sting out of his own divorce. You can kick yourself all you like but you're the better man taking care of her kids doing everything to get her back, and the man her family respects. You held up your end of the commitment. 

The only thing I can advise you is to get her family to 180 as well. Everytime they pressure her to choose you over him they're doing more harm than good. They've made their ultimatum and made it clear they won't put up with her wayward and adulterous ways right now. So have them stop pressuring her and just collectively stop talking to her until she can accept some responsibility and at the very least act like a mother. It's going to hurt her much worse if she feels she's lost everything and can't come back.


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

Nsweet said:


> This situation could not possibly get any better for a 180 You've exposed her and now she's losing her parents, sisters, and children for an affair with a codependent guy going through his own divorce. If he was interested in a healthy longterm relationship with her he would have taken his time after divorce (at least a year) and would have taken the kids along with her.
> 
> So it's a rebound affair! Unfortunately, this one may take awile because she is in a codependent/codependent relationship with a doctor who can keep her depending on him with money, drug, and distance. Both your W and OM are codependent in one way or another coming out of a relationship and jumping into another one. So there is going to be a lot of unresolved issues and distrust towards eachother. I want to take a leap and guess his divorce from his wife was due to an affair before your wife. Yeah, guess how long it's going to take before the thrill wears off and he/she get's tired of jealous "where are you" calls.
> 
> ...


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## phaber6 (Mar 15, 2012)

dalvin_au,

read the above again. And one or more times after. Nsweet has really got it right, on the money I'd say. Hey, I'd take her on as an advisor if I had anything left that might be improved with advice.

You're in my thoughts, I don't do prayers, but once again: tomorrow's another day, all the best.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

*NSweet, Phaber6, Mommy2One
*
Thank you all for taking the time to provide honest feedback. I do appreciate it. You are all in my prayers…:smthumbup:

Just to clarify a few points; the OM has been in a separation/divorce limbo for 5 years! Yep crazy I know…as far as he having a previous affair, I wouldn’t be surprised given his track record and his personality to date. My wife also did mention to me that when he was at the school, he would ‘ogle’ on the pretty young teachers there I hope God makes her realise this! Also to note, I as a Man, if I was in his position, I would have already told my STBXW that she could move in with me and/or Financially support her already (given she is very short of cash and apparently, he has a lot of wealth…purportedly. Hey he drives an AMG Merc!). There is a thing called “commitment” and the way to show commitment is through actions…not through words. But I know he hasn’t done this – and that is a key difference here. 

I agree with your views Nsweet that there will be a lot of unresolved issues between the two of them.

As for her family and parents. They have totally backed off – when I Say backed off, they haven’t spoken to her at all. They wanted to cancel her mobile phone account, but will let her be for the next few days. IF she doesn’t respond to their business requests, (as the mobile phone is a business phone), they will cut it off. Simple. But blood is thicker than water, so I wont be there for that. 

As for me, the 180 is working to an extent. But moreso my Faith in God. Today, I’m starting to control my health issues (IE have been sick for two weeks now). Once I control my health issues, I can then start to exercise, get well, then start making sure the house is clean…and earn more money for me and the children.

As an update to all – this morning, both my children came up to me (6 and 3 yrs old) and said; Mummy wants you to give us money. I was appalled!
She is using her children to get money! Just goes to show true human behaviour right?

Another thing, everynight, after she puts the children to sleep with my help – she leaves to go to him. She comes back at 11PM to midnight. I get angry about this, as she comes into the ensuite, to disrupt my sleep. Also note, do you know how humiliating that is? To have her come back after seeing him…kills me. Last night, I broke down, and gave this problem to my Lord Jesus, but its so hard to accept this. Very hard. I’m trying to pray for Him to give me a solution, my gut tells me to ask her to leave…no matter the consequences legally. That you shouldn’t have to put up with this. But I’m not sure…help please? 

*Should I ask her to leave the home? Sleep elsewhere…most likely to this man?*


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

So she's she's coming home and picking fights with you to ease her guilt from stepping out. This means part of her does feel ashamed but also that she is planning her escape with you being the catalyst and "forcing her" to leave. This is just so she doesn't have to take responsibility and can blame you for her hurt feelings later on. If you fall for her games and blow up at her now she will leave but could use your words against you.

That being said she can't keep cake eating and coming home to play mommy while treating you poorly. And she will not respect you for allowing her to treat you like this. She's testing you because she feels like you are lesser than the OM and whenever she has doubts about him will continue to do so. If everything was perfect between them and she didn't have any regrets she would come in a daze and just go to bed or stay up thinking about him instead of picking fights with you. 

You've got to stand up in a mature way and ask her "What are you really upset about?", then take yourself out of the running and agree with her feelings. "Look I get it you've found the perfect guy and are divorcing me for someone who can give you everything. I'm not upset about it and I don't deserve to be treated like this for no reason. So what are you upset with me about?" Odds are she doesn't even know but I know from experience with my wife after doing everything right and being treated like dirt, even her parents asked her "why are you so mean to him?". It's because she is trying to find enough of a reason to keep seeing the OM when she knows it's not the right thing to do or you are the better option and she doesn't want to accept it. 

So what do you do with your daughter when she throws a fit? You let her know her actions are not acceptable and you ignore her temper until she calms down and wants to be treated with respect. Same goes for you wife, if she comes home at midnight and wants to stand over you and shout then take a deep breath and tell her you will talk about it in the morning but you're not going to wake up everyone in the house so you guys can have an argument. Both people have to agree to have an argument otherwise it's one-sided and the other person usually walks away with the other instigating to feel "right". Without that power she will have to deal with her hurt feelings on her own and the realization that she is powerless and giving up everything for an affair.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Nsweet,

As an update, last night, I took the kids out for dinner and a shopping spree. Basically they have a few kiddie parties to go to, so I splashed out on toys etc. Had a great time!
Also, we visited her parents, and they where so happy to see their grandchildren. They cannot believe that she has gone astray like this. It’s a sad situation for them. My father in law told me, I failed to discipline you enough…that’s why you are doing this. He is very upset with himself. I told him, no, its not your fault…she must learn now.


I did get my wish last night, which is for her to totally leave the house. She didn’t come back until 9am in the morning to take my daughter to Performing arts school. However, getting my wish of her not being at home, killed me. Literally killed me. In laws rang me this morning and asked, what time she came home; My response was “She didn’t come home”. 
Look she does feel ashamed and guilty – she actually oozes it. I can really tell because I can see her stealing glances at me as she has come back. There is absolutely no communication at all between us. I don’t utter a word which is driving her crazy. She tries to pick a fight…(which she hasn’t lately), and I walk away to another room. I haven’t let her treat me like dirt, because I don’t give her a chance. Basically, I just don’t tolerate her outburst…which she is definitely having.

As for the OM…Mr Big Shot hasn’t really given her any money. (If I was in his shoes, I would have!). No new credit cards, or cash or anything. Very surprising and indeed splendid for the family. She has been asking my daughter and son to give her money, which is a low act. I don’t give in. I Just walk away, and if kids really need money, I tell them I will handle it

Nsweet, you said to me to ask her; “What are you really upset about?",

I think at this stage of where I am at…I will let her deal with her feelings, as I’m doing my 180 and concentrating on my feelings and embracing my reality. That way, let her do some heavy lifting of her own psyche…I owe her nothing- and right now have given her nothing. If she continues to fight me – it’s a one sided fight. Or as the Bible says…Turn the Other cheek

Thanks Nsweet, appreciate it


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Yes exactly, a lot of my 180 inspiration came from just that "turn the other cheek". Also look up Bushido for some spot on guidance. The Bushido Code: The Eight Virtues of the Samurai | The Art of Manliness 
I remember walking out on my wife a few times and having her freak out when I played the exact same game. Sounds like you're spot on in doing the right thing and I would just give her a few weeks to see what course she wants to do. If she's this broke and desperate then it will only be a matter of time before this attitude comes back on the OM. As it says in "His Needs; Her Needs" she is getting a couple of her needs met by him and the affair can't last for long on it's own, because you've been providing her with comfort and family commitment (to her kids).


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I've got an idea! How about you give her three to four weeks to cool off and then invite her out to dinner with you and the kids every other week. You'll still take the kids out to dinner with you every weekend and have a blast if she doesn't come but this gives her the chance to pretend she's part of the family. It won't last forever and you won't talk about anything upsetting because the kids will be there with you and will be crushed if mommy and daddy start fighting. 

This way instead of shunning her out for good you will be creating an opportunity to start a new friendship with her. Then in time you can attract her back from the OM or at the very least have him show his true colors by getting overly needy and possessive of her. By the way it sounds to me like it's her pursuing him more because you think a doctor would be spending money on her at some point. If you can create any sort of doubt in her mind you can stop her from leaving in time.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

So as an update,


Blood is thicker than water…definitely. And make no mistake, I learnt that lesson last night when my in laws said to me, “Listen, if you want Michelle back, you have to back down, and let her win…” Win??? I know – it meant that I have to drop the cheating and infidelity and just let her be, give back the credit cards, the car, and let her sleep in the marital bed, while I go sleep on the couch. Her parents have also given her money now.

Pathetic. Their actions basically condones the affair…as it currently stands. In any case, facts are facts – we usually have Sunday dinner as a family, and they asked me last night, where is she tonight?, as I had the kids with me. I said – she is with OM. They didn’t believe me, so they asked the kids, and the kids said, we don’t know. Her parents were upset, and told their grandchildren to tell their mum to come over. So when I did get home, and she was there, she was told to come over by her kids, she didn’t like this one bit. She blamed me, but the kids said, no – grandparents told us. She was quiet. I am staying out of it.

The extended family who have been consulted, are mightily angry at the stance they have taken. So much so, that they have not spoken to them. I have told the extended family, not to get involved now, that whatever will be will be. 

The 180 is working fine, the only rule I cannot follow is not snooping. Which is very hard…I found two copies of Seperation documents on her carry bag. She got it on Friday, and basically today, (Monday) she has still hasn’t served it to me yet to fill out. She is sick at the moment, and for the last two nights, has spent the night at home, rather than the OM. Wish she went with him, to spread the germs and both get sick. Urrgggh! I have not spoken to her at all, and she has a really anguished look every time she sees me. I don’t know, but I can see her breaking apart inside.

Oh, I’m over my sickness, will start getting back to gym and really working on myself. Took care of the kids and had a lot of fun over the weekend…
And I’m coming to the realisation that she made a choice to not be with me, and to continue to not be with me. Hence, well – if that’s the case, maybe its time to move on. Right?


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Today I broke the 180 rule...
Told the wife;


1. I want to do the grocery shopping - so as not to be co-dependent on her. I told her that anything she could do, I wanted to learn for my own sake. She said she would help.

2. I asked her to consider moving our daughter to another school.
She said she thought about it as well, :scratchhead:

3. She then told me OM was considering moving his kids as well. I told her I dont care. She then said to me therefore our daughter doesnt have to move - I was like, No, i want to move because the school i want our daughter to be in is academically superior.

4. Told her the first day we met - was the worse day of my life. Probably the wrong thing to say if I want to R. But I felt it - and wish my life was different.

5. I then asked her if she was ok (i dont know why I did that); She replied, No, I'm living a walking Nightmare.

6. Found out that she is taking the morning after pill.

In any case, I have paid off all my childrens extracurricular activities...they cost a lot. In any case, she asked me, look its a lot of money, I said back, I dont care, I want to pay it because our children deserve to be happy. ( I know for a fact the OM doesnt think along the lines like me in that he will not put his kids to expensive extracurricular activities)

I need to stick to my 180, and pray, pray, pray. I was really good the last few days, and started to Spiritually heal and Physically I've started to exercise.

Any thoughts?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You fell off the 180 wagon. That's OK but don't do it again. Why are you not initiating divorce? Catholic guilt? This woman is humiliating you in every way and even though you are doing the 180 have you seen a lawyer to know what your rights are?

So far you have been playing a defense only game. Taking away the money and cards was good, very good: keep it up. Next time her family flaps their mouths tell them you are not going to finance her cheating. Tell them their precious Catholic daughter has been taking the morning after pill to kill the fetuses she and the OM have been producing.

You need to get going and actually do something. You need to take back the control from her and exhaust every legal avenue to get this sick woman out of your house and away from your children. You are damaging them by allowing this to go on. 

I cannot believe the laws of Oz are this much against you. Get busy and quit waiting for things to happen. If you have played rugby, would you play a purely defensive game?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Bandit,

I appreciate your input and thank you...from the bottom of my heart - thank you.

I guess the 180 coincides to with my deep faith, that I am supposed to leave my problems/issues/marriage to God. I have problems doing this due to my controlling nature and the situation I find myself in. This is only the negative, that I am prone to just snoop and investigate and keep tabs. In the long run, this hurts me as I cannot move on, but more importantly, it gets in God's way. As He says; Let thy will be done.

Moreso - in Oz, under legal separation law, I cannot ask my WS to leave. We have a form whereby we fill out the Seperation under the one roof, and prove a lot of hurdles to basically get a divorce. It must take 1 year to divorce. 

Having said that, the 180 is working.

1. She is spending more time at the house, and speaking to me. I dont answer, but she has initiated communication. Has started to email me again.

2. There was an incident this morning, that she did something, and I laughed, and she laughed. 

3. She is going out with her cousins today. Of which, both know our situation, but she doesnt think they do.


Bandit, you are right, I need an offensive game and take initiative away from her. But legally I cannot take her out of the home. I was thinking of telling all her school friends the facts of the situation and expose this to the School Principal.

Any input?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

What I am asking is, did a lawyer tell you that you could do nothing or are you just assuming? Its nice that the wife is talking to you but it means nothing. Part of the 180 says watch her actions not her words. Her actions are sneaking out to have sex with the doc and taking birth control which is against Catholicism. Don't believe anything she tells you. Cheaters are liars. This is her new nature. 

The woman you married is dead; a corpse... tainted rotten flesh who willingly gave her body and heart to another man. You need to quit laughing with her and imagine she is nothing more than a piece of furniture that you need to walk around. I know this is harsh but it is the only way for you to detach from her. 

The 180 is to prepare you for life without her and to protect you from her arrows. And again, as we Yanks say, tell her family to go pound sand the next time they ask you to back off from her. They just want the situation to be swept under the rug. They care nothing for you or the hell you are going through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Legal Aide told me that I couldn’t ask her to move out, under Oz separation laws they can stay (if they wish) under their home. If they leave - they still don’t lose their rights. Her actions do speak louder than words and yes it is against Catholiscm what she is doing, and it is immoral. I haven’t believed a word she has spoken to date since, and I have said to her Cheaters are very, very good liars - just like you. No comeback from that from her.

My 180 is exactly just that, I walk around pretending she aint there. In fact, my 180 and going to God, has really helped me. This time last week, I was struggling with the enormity of not talking to her, and being sick. Today, I am working out, and working on my career, my kids and my spiritual self. I am closer to God, and my children. That said, I do trip up, and have a laugh. Call it my confidence starting to comeback and acknowledging her presence...even though I dislike it.

As for her father and mother, they haven’t done anything, which is why I'm upset. But her family has totally disowned her and don’t count her as part of the family. You are right, her father and mother care for her, but don’t care that I have been mistreated. They care not to lose their reputation for their sake and their daughters. Personally, I will let God handle this...my focus is on myself and my children. I cannot enforce her to leave/get out, because frankly its against the law, and I may be taken out first.

I have written up my will, and she is out. I have changed my superannuation executor to be my sister to look after my kids. I have given her all her bills to pay, of which she has no money at all to pay. None at all. Her parents may give her money, but not me.

Yes it hurts to my psyche that she has given herself to another man...but let me make it clear...through God, His will - will be done. Not mine. And God is righteous, and will be the only judge of her. I cannot intercede because I will not go there - I wont choose her paths. I will continue my path to being closer to God and my children. And this has made me a better man...


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Bandit, basically what I am saying is, I’m sick and tired of fighting something that will not achieve any positive result.
If I kick her out, the law enforcement agency’s will come in and say – hey you can’t do that. Hence it makes things worse.
If I tell her parents, hey she sneaks out every night – they already know this. So what? If I tell her parents hey she is taking the morning after pills, then that will hurt her even more. If I expose her truly – that would really desolate her, and people might pity her and help her. 

So I thought it best, to leave her alone. I have let her go…my problem is I snoop and investigate. 
When I stop doing this, and really change me…and be closer to God, that’s when I will be truly better.

What do you think?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Quit snooping and investigating I guess. If you think you are headed down the right road then continue on. Continue bettering yourself and working out. Get in shape and buy a new wardrobe. Start doing things for yourself and not just your kids. Change everything about yourself to make you feel better about you. The more you stay around the house the more you have to coexist with the corpse. I say leave one or two nights a week, abruptly, and tell her she has the kids. Dress sharp, go dine out at a nice restaurant, hit a movie or go to a nice lounge and have a drink. Hobnob with people and make some friends. Stay out really, really late and when you get home ignore her if she asks you where you've been. 

Make it impsossible for her to leave the house at night especially on weekends when she wants to go see the doc. Don't ask her permission just tell her she has the kids and leave! You don't have to go out tomcatting for women, just get out and mingle and have fun. Why not? You owe her nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Bandit

Spot on... I am doing this already.

I have started already...a few weeks back got myself a new wardrobe. Basically I spent my money on myself and my kids. I have lost so much weight and dropped two sizes. I was 72kgs, now 64kgs...in 4 mths! That's what stress/seperation does to you.

She wanted to go out on Friday night and asked me - I said I'm going out, and you have the kids. (The good thing is, she wont bring him over...as the Law in Oz states that if she does...that's tresspassing and I can fully prosecute)

I havent really gone out to lounge or have a drink...I am still working on me first and my confidence and getting my spiritual self right. I have been going to church at night...and staying there. Then coming home, and then sleeping.

As far as tomcatting, its funny you should say that. There is a movie called Swingers (Vince Vaughn etc) and they say...Man you have these "Fangs and Claws..." 

Swingers: Claws & Fangs - YouTube

Mate, I assure you, I will be the guy that unleashes once I get myself sorted out first. 

Is this what you did when you found out?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I asked the wife to leave on pain of imminent death and she complied.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Bandit,

seriously, she really is a piece of work hey. I cannot believe how people just do the craziest things in life. I just cannot believe it.

It doesnt make sense.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

On DDay I asked my wife to leave the house on pain of imminent death and she complied post-haste. I had a two week emotional breakdown and eventually filed for divorce while she stayed at her sister's. I have lost 40 pounds by essentially not eating and started working out three or four nights a week. I'm from the cowboy culture so I did go out and buy some new Tony Lama boots, shirts and Wranglers. Got a custom made cowboy hat for myself as well as a nice Aussie-made duster. 

But I rarely go out except on the odd Saturday nights to hang out with friends. My wife on the other hand is a hellion, and I have heard she parties with a group of loose women who chase young men. But now I have this damn angioplasty I'm getting over. I'm recuperating at a resort while the STBXW watches the house. She thinks I'm on a business trip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

So you are now divorced? Its done and dusted?

Are you going to go out now that you are free and as you say;

Free to orbit?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

No divorce will be finalyzed around 90 days from now. I will be free but I do not plan on dating for a long long time. I have validated myself through my wife for 21 years and I need to find where I hid my soul, take it out and dust it off. I've got a lot of things I want to do and having come close to death I am twice as committed. What makes it easy is I have no kids. 

Are you going to divorce her or do that stubborn Catholic thing of lifetime separation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Bandit,

I have told her already That I want a Divorce. I have told her parents, and my parents. Both sets have said; if that is what you want, so be it.

I told them - no its not what I want, but She is cheating, wont stop and continues to hurt me, the kids and her family. Plus she chose him, over the family.

So my choice is clear right?

My aim is to cleanse my soul as well. Telling her that April 4th was the worse day of my life, because I met her - was part of that. My aim is to gather myself, and keep going...overtake her choice, and be the better person, Spiritually, Mentally, Emotionally and Physically. I am doing all now, and that's what I'm going to do.

In my belief, because my wife has committed adultery, I am allowed to divorce. But God doesnt permit it - doesnt want me to divorce. In my prayers, He has said to me; I will restore your marriage. 

I just cringe at the thought of it. I just pray to God, let thy will be done. And that helps me.

I know it sounds crazy, but my Faith keeps healing me. 
That's all I need.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Depends on which Bible you read. Mine says you can divorce on grounds of adultery after all other options have failed. I don't know what the Catholic canon says, but I know a lot of divorced Catholics and none of them were struck down with leprosy or were burned at the stake by the Jesuits. Get your divorce underway and get on with your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Bandit

I agree, I can divorce on adultery grounds. Point taken.
As far as starting the divorce, in Oz, it takes 12 months. You must satsify the Family law courts that we have been separated for 12 mths. Then we have to go to these counselling classes - and an assessor tells us whether its redeemable or not.

Its not as easy as in the US.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That's a good thing. Divorce should be hard. That's why you should get to it sooner than later. 

Would you take her back if she got her act together and dumped the doc?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Bandit,

I've been pondering that question, and in all honesty, I cannot see her getting her act together and wanting me back. She has elements of being a Walkaway spouse as well as cheating...but in all honesty - I have tried to picture myself in that situation and I just dont know what I would do.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Get the divorce process going. Losing the one sure thing in her life might knock her off the fence. Even if it doesnkt save the marriage it might stop the affair. You could walk away with the satisfaction that you at least did that. 

So very sad your wife has done this to herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Yes I understand I should get the divorce process going, and have. 

Its too painful at the moment.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are being actively humiliated and cuckolded by an insane wife and evil OM. If you do not take active steps to D her and drag this on, you will lose the respect of everyone you hold dear. 

I know if you were my brother my respect for you would decline to the point where I would not want to help or support you. The old saying "if you can't respect yourself why would you expect anyone else to respect you?" comes into plain view here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Bandit, 

You are right. But there are rules to keep in mind as you cannot kick out your spouse. Its an easy process, but one that must take time given the 12 month rules, and the mandatory counselling. The active steps I have taken are;

1. Spiritually I am moving on
2. No more contact.
3. Legal aid has been contacted.
4. Papers are on the way.

My Dad and sister have been supporting me, whichever way I go. That’s' all I can ask of them


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good. Godspeed mate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

As an update.

I’m fine. Personally I’ve been really positive. I have a friend who is Christian, (I’m Catholic) and his family took me, my daughter and son to their Christian church. It was good, really really good. I’m far more closer to God.

As far as I’m concerned with her and what she does…I have been speaking to her, and there are massive doubts on her side. She is not getting anything from him, and has already said to me; Mark I feel you are moving on, and are well. Damn right woman, I am getting better by God’s will. And moreso, the children are following their father…more than her.

Her Dad and Mum have turned against me – they want me to change tactics and give back credit cards, car etc. I said no. The extended family, uncles and aunts have castigated her parents…so there is a family upheavel going on, that I am not involved it. My wife was at her sisters 21st on Sunday, and everyone is there…everybody noticed how different she looks, not like a mother, more like a single woman. Hence my mother in law disapproves, and said quietly to me, I will deal with her. 

I don’t care what her family does…I care about me healing. Which, I started…doing chin ups and a good ½ hour boxing last night does wonders to the ego. All in all good.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Gday All,

Took the wedding ring off. Cast it away.
Told the ex wife - enough, get out of the house. Basically had lunch with OM and his kids, instead of me and my kids. Today...Good Friday.

I put her stuff in a jumbled mess in her car. Told her to leave me with the kids...she agreed.

Thats that people.

The End.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Take care dalvin. This too shall pass. Don't be too hard on yourself. Your kids need atleast one stable parent.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Big Bandit bear-hug coming at you Dalvin. You have started the process of saying goodbye to a corpse who is doing nothing but dragging you down. 

It must be incredibly painful for you and your children. This thing called your wife has abandoned her husband and children, and one day when she wakes up from this fog she will rue what she has done. My mother abandoned my father and us kids when I was 6, and I have not one milligram of love or compassion towards her. She is dead to me. 

I'l pray for you and your children every day mate.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

AN update, STBXW is threathening me with an AVO - which stands for Apprehended Violence Order, because I asked her to leave the family home. 

I'm like WTF - I havent seen you in 5 days, and you do this?
She took me off facebook (marriage status) and added OM on...what a d*ck.

Struggling to walk with God today. Really didnt sleep much as I'm lost.

Having said that, have coped better today given a friend gave me some really clear cut advice;

Breakthrough is called a "break" "through" because we need to go 'through' to 'break' the situation.
It is hard and painful, but we have our God on our side.

Cheers all


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

The OM wouldn't keep her I guess...


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

Nah, I reckon her and OM are just trying to break me...
I'm going to turn the other cheek, and just let them be...they cannot take the children and me out of the home.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Mr. Mark/Downunder: Greetings from the Great Lone Star State. Your story just inundates me but I'm so happy that you've found your way onto TAM. Hate to see you here, but since we all seem to have similar crosses to bear, it's an absolutely great place to be.

You are doing the right thing, given the parameters of Australian Family Law. If you haven't already retained an attorney, please do so. Even though it might be a year before you can file, you can certainly get the process set into pre-start mode! You owe it to yourself and to your children to get out from under the thumb of that STBXW of yours as you richly deserve to ultimately find a kind, loving committed wife who will love you and the kids with all of her heart; and you and your kids deserve to be free of her rampant deception. I'm telling you that she doesn't want them any more than she wants you. All she cares about is "Daddy Warbucks" and his big-ass bank account, plain and simple.

Those kids of yours will be so much better off with you because I can tell that you would be a far-better Dad to them even on your absolute worst day than that thing you call a wife would be on her very best one. Those kids need your nurturing; not hers. Please get involved in the Church if at all possible, because you and the kids need some spiritual reassurance right now.

And please rest assured that if you should ever need help from any of your brothers and sisters here at TAM, we'll be here for you! And be sure to hug those kids as often as you can. May our Lord and Saviour continue to reside in your hearts and offer you the peace that you all so richly deserve!


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

hi.
I am in AU too.
The thing to remember here is that because the law requires a 12 month separation everything happens in 
s l o w m o t i o n. when compared to other threads on this board.

Follow the 180. PM me if you like.

I am at Divorce now and all the things that you see on this board when the Papers are slapped on the table are true. It just takes 12 months here! 
She is cake eating. Don't allow it!
You must separate finances. You must log that you are now living as separate under the same roof.


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## dalvin_au (Mar 19, 2012)

ING, Yes I have started the process of living seperately under one roof and Divorce proceedings. I need a good Christian/Catholic lawyer as I need to figure out if I could get them to put a clause in that "Hey" until the Divorce is finalised, I will not allow my children to see him.

I have been doing a massive 180 - it workds. But she is retaliating and on the weekend she introduced my children to him and they went out both Friday and Saturday nights!
I mean come off it...I want to put a seperation clause that states they cannot introduce each other's partners.

Still fuming at this mess.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

dalvin_au said:


> ING, Yes I have started the process of living seperately under one roof and Divorce proceedings. I need a good Christian/Catholic lawyer as I need to figure out if I could get them to put a clause in that "Hey" until the Divorce is finalised, I will not allow my children to see him.
> 
> I have been doing a massive 180 - it workds. But she is retaliating and on the weekend she introduced my children to him and they went out both Friday and Saturday nights!
> I mean come off it...I want to put a seperation clause that states they cannot introduce each other's partners.
> ...



Do the 180 harder. However hard you think you are doing it now you will look back and think. Jeez. What a Wus...

It is no fault Divorce here and because of that there is no provision for unstable! 
However. You need to get in touch with the CSA They gave me great advice. You do not have to open a case and they will stay out of our life if you have a parenting plan. 
Start a "Parenting Plan" and in it put the clause about meeting new people and having them stay over during the divorce process. 6 months is reasonable for this for the mental health of the Children 

This is part of your parental duty..


> Protect your children from physical or psychological harm or the risk of harm.


Parenting Plan Guide
Do this now..


I am filing THIS WEEK. It seems like forever.. It passes fast


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Missed you had asked her to leave. Sorry.

This sounds very much like my story. Don't hold out any hope man , she sounds like a walkaway. Not close to menopause is she? testosterone going wild in her body without the estrogen to balance it!
Must be something in the Water in Melbourne.
If you want to go out for a drink or listen to a band. PM me!


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