# Two year EA?



## LoveLifeNow (Dec 28, 2011)

Just got confirmation that my husband is still communicating with a neighbor that he had an EA with two years ago. I have a hard time believing that the affair is "just a friendship" as he claimed before I asked him to choose between her and I. He said he had cut off any contact with her and since I am not allowed to access his computer or phone, I was never really sure he had.
As I have posted in other forums, he is sleeping in the guest room and using the boys bathroom. Since we are not sleeping together anymore, I think this relationship has escalated into a PA. Especially since he works from home so often and she does not work at all. 
It does not matter really and I have doing the 180 listed on this website and it is helping me feel better.
Just asking others their opinion on this situation.
It has really helped me to read other posts about the same types of online or EAs.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

If he doesn't give you access to his computer or phone, he's cake eating. 

Have you tried scheduling marriage counseling? If he says no, he's likely playing you. Is the other woman married?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is she married? ??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to set some boundaries in your marriage.

Tell him that in order to stay in the house and you not file for divorce he has to provide you the passwords to all of his computer accounts and his cell phone. He also has to allow you to install keystroke tracking software on the computers in your home. You all need to insist on no contact and a no contact letter.

Short of that, there is no chance of marital recovery. You might as well file for divorce now.


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## LoveLifeNow (Dec 28, 2011)

Yes, she is married and was a very close friend. Her 3 boys are good friends with my 2 boys. 
I don't know what they think can come of the relationship which is why I thought they had quit "talking". 
Thanks for the support!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LoveLifeNow said:


> Yes, she is married and was a very close friend. Her 3 boys are good friends with my 2 boys.
> I don't know what they think can come of the relationship which is why I thought they had quit "talking".
> Thanks for the support!


Does her husband know?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You need to tell herhusband STAT. Do so without any warning to your husband or her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When you tell, you need to have hard evidence.


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## LoveLifeNow (Dec 28, 2011)

I do not know, do not think so. However, sadly I don't know if he will care. He is such a milktoast kind of guy. But it definitely is a great suggestion.


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## LoveLifeNow (Dec 28, 2011)

I would love hard evidence, so I can put it behind me and quit wondering. How do I get hard evidence?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what did you find out and how did you find out?


tips- install a keylogger on the computer, let us know what phone he has as you can retrieve deleted texts on some models, you can also put a VAR in his car to see if he calls her while in there, also check phone records

read my CWI newbie link as well


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## LoveLifeNow (Dec 28, 2011)

I have been in a holding pattern for the last 6 months. I thought my husband was just going through mid life depression. When I found this site I posted basic info and everyone posted the same message. He is cheating, or still cheating. After reviewing the past year, it is pretty clear they are right. 
Then out of the blue last week, one of my installers (floors) did work for the OW best friend. She told him that my husband and her friend were in a relationship.
Now, I just want evidence so I can put it behind me, as I had done the first time I discovered this and asked for NC and thought my husband had given up this OW. 
He is a computer programmer so I do not think I can put anything on his computer. (He is the admin for all our home computers.) 
He has an I phone that has a password that he won't even give our boys when they need to load i tunes. He puts in the password for them. Probably because my oldest knew the password and gave it to me to look up a number in his phone.) Since then he changed it. 
What is VAR? Voice recorder? I can definitely try this. How do I get one and what kind?
Thanks for all you help. (I did read you newbie post, very helpful.)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well if you're just going for proof, then why worry if he uncovers your tracks afterwards?

install this program on the computer he syncs his iphone with (you dont need his iphone password)

iPhone Backup Extractor for Windows and Mac

that will give you all of his texts including deleted ones from the last time he synced the phone


unless he is specifically looking for a keylogger he shouldnt be able to uncover it, get a good one that doesnt't get flagged by anti spyware and itll be fine


you can get a cheap 30 buck var at walmart


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Are you going to leave him? Doesn't sound as though there's much worth sticking around for, he's definitely checked out - a long time ago by the sound of it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

update?


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## LoveLifeNow (Dec 28, 2011)

Have not been able to get any evidence, so very frustrated about this. I did try to install webwatcher on his computer, I asked him to log in so I could print extra coupons. He reluctantly did so, but kept coming in to get "stuff" off his desk, I did download and saved the file, but I am not getting any info, so I probably did not complete some of the steps. (Did not have much time.) 
May try the VAR. 
I met with an attorney yesterday and in Florida, it is a no fault state so they do not need evidence, I just am obsessed with finding out now. I am going to file for divorce, I just wanted to be able to "prove" he is still in a relationship with our neighbor.
I plan on talking to him tomorrow, while our kids our with their grandparents. Pretty sure he will still deny that anything is going on... 
He did some home improvements I wanted done this weekend, very unusual, and this makes me wonder why he is talking about our home like he plans on us being there a long time?
Still confused.


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## LoveLifeNow (Dec 28, 2011)

Also, I tried to access his phone records. His phone is on our plan with our business, but the details only show ALL his calls are forwarded through his work number, so AT&T says they can't give my any info about his calls, either incoming or outgoing. ARGH!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the more they try to hide things the more likely it is that they have something to hide


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

LoveLifeNow said:


> Also, I tried to access his phone records. His phone is on our plan with our business, but the details only show ALL his calls are forwarded through his work number, so AT&T says they can't give my any info about his calls, either incoming or outgoing. ARGH!


Can you try PI?
Even if the OW's Husband is milktoasted (?), it would be advisable to just hint and find out if he has concerns on his wife.
There are mobile spy software, but they work if you have access to his mobile.
It seems they have affair.


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