# Husband only makes love to me while high and talking dirty!



## kookygill (Mar 6, 2011)

I know this is not normal.He always rebukes my advances.Get your hands off me!I'm tired!Just **** off! For years I cried alone downstairs with my expensive lingerie on my 20 year old breasts.I didn't know what was wrong!Lonely and empty,an aching in my loins.The urge to melt into his tender lips, to fall captive in his arms.For him ,strong and willing to hold me.To mind me safely,to stroke my hair.To let me have a haven in his embrace. A place to feel loved and cherished.To be home.Instead I shook with fear and insecurity as he dozed alone in the bed after telling me to **** right off and leave him alone.I had nothing to grasp onto in those lonely hours.I cursed my mother for bringing me to spend a fortune on the satin bra I wore.My perky breasts tanned and bouncy in their cups.'It is so very important to feel like a woman 'she said.'After you have kids'.I had lain down in bed , strategically exposing my heaving bosom.Pretending to be asleep, hoping he would trace his fingers along my curves.So sick of rejection.I was hoping that he would come to me.But no!Then with the heavy breath of anticipation I would stroke his chest or move to his thigh and he would fling me away like an ant..without a loving word or hug.This went on for 10 years of my life.If it did happen he was all eyes closed, perfunctory and quick.Three strokes and it was over.Mostly it was limp and my heart felt limp.Now we have a great sex life.He gets high, takes loads of Viagra, talks about sexy escorts pleasuring him or someone we met that night. He goes for hours and I come a lot but it is not real.I love it, I'm glad.I lay in his arms.Suck and lick.I feel warmth.But when it's over, it's over.Any more advances and he calls me sick.He will push me away and nitpick and bicker till the next time he is high.Even if I am asleep he demands me and threatens to watch porn and masturbate alone.Then I give in.Because I can be in his arms and nestle my head in the crook of his neck and give him butterfly kisses.All the while he talks pure filth.All the while I am with him.All the while I savour his touch.When he is inside me, he is telling a story.When he is inside me I tell him he is the best.Then it is over.This was great for the last 4 months.We haven't had a fight and are much more connected.We giggle together and joke.Intimacy no matter on what level still creates a bond.Yesterday he called me a f...k..g c..t again over a trivial matter.Told me he can't stand me.That I am useless.More names.It was the last straw.I am the worst possible straw.My head is melted.He cannot possibly respect me.I know he does'nt find me attractive.I am clinging to something that doesn't exist! One minute he's talking me into getting an escort and the next saying he can't stand me.Is this verbal abuse gone one step too far? The sex talk playing on the head?I am not a fool but have been played like a fool. A fool for love....Help!
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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

So you see getting an escort as a good thing? Because I don't. Sure threesomes might be ok in a healthy relationship. But paying some professional who might have STDs and is used like a snot rag is gross.
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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

Wow...that is an awful way to be treated. Personally if I was you I would leave him without even thinking it over any longer. 

I hate to say but I don't think your husband is in love you, if he was he would not treat you like this and on top of try brining an escort into the picture. In fact I will be surprised if he isn't cheating/cheated on you already. He is showing clear signs of disinterest and only interest in you when he gets high, getting high should not be the only way for him to want to have sex with you...and it susper ****ed up that his resolution it to turn too porn.

Some couples are fing with porn and threesomes, however they are usually very close to one another physically and emotionally. In your case your husband does not give a sh** about you, for most men sex is the way they show they love you, if he has to get high in order to have sex with you, than it's not okay. I kinda want to beat the **** out of your husband right now, because no woman should be treated like that. He is only using you when it's "good" timing for him.

I have a feeling that he is either cheating, or he has watched so much porn that nothing else turns him on anymore other than porn or "porn" like scenarios, like threesomes. Clearly he needs both to get high and viagra to get to have sex with you.

Stop having sex with him, show him how it feels. If he asks even if he is high, say NO, and tell him to go watch his porn. Tell him you are done being available for sex when it's good timing for him. YOUR needs are just as important as his.

I hate to tell anyone to leave their husband without trying to fix it first, but this would be the last straw for me if I was you, sex is huge part of any relationship and it should not have such conditions and verbal abuse he exhibits. It's unnaceptable.

When people are so in deep like that, they rarely change. But if he truly loves you than he is going to change the way he acts, but you may be just wasting more of your time.

I wish you the best, and you deserve better. I don't know the other areas of your relationship, so I'd say follow your gut. Make him "chase" you, if he wants sex he better earn it from you. If he doesn't "chase" you or tries to change than leave him. You do not want to spend the rest of your life like this, and it will only get worse if he keeps acting this way.

*HUGS* I hope everything workout for you sweety, you deserve to be loved with no conditions nor requirements.


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## kookygill (Mar 6, 2011)

Thank you so much for your response! I am in a really swanky hotel right now.I told him it wasn't acceptable to call me the c word and I had to go and get some head space.He texted back saying it was a pity as he had made some apple pie.I replied saying I was on a diet and Its bad enough being a **** besides being a fat **** lol!I said he really hurt me and calling me that was the lowest of the low.I was standing here naked in front of the mirror checking myself out.I have a spotty back and extra weight on my thighs and belly.I do have a very beautiful face thank god...if he would ever look at it! Maybe I have let myself go .I am constantly dieting but need to do more exercise.He eats all around him and is like a stick!one potatoe and I gain a pound!It is pressure though! The constant ridiculing eats away at me and maybe then I eat more also! I have lovely silky skin, big breasts but my belly skin is slightly loose after the kiddies.It is the first time I looked at myself this naked in a long time.I don't really like what I see but I know he doesn't like it more.
About the cheating with escorts you are probably right.Two years ago he was on business abroad and I got a cheap flight to join him for the last night.I booked us a really romantic boutiQe hotel for his final 2 nights with four poster bed and all the trimmings.Not only was he disgruntled when I told him I was arriving but when I got to the hotel he was out and when I rang him he hung up saying he was busy.I pottered around the lovely room sniffing the cosmetics and noticed the flowery shower gel was half empty even though his boss shower gel was in the shower( he had slept there the night previous)I got a sick feeling in my stomach as I know he wouldn't use hotel toiletries to save his life.We were flying onto our summer vacation after the business trip and I knew he had packed what Viagra he had at home. When I checked his bag one was missing and we didn't have many to tide us over for the holidays. At this stage I had been working out and was tiny ,wearing a little short black dress.I had to get my legs waxed so rang him back to say I was leaving the room to find a beautician.He then said he was actually in one getting a manicure! He never gets one . Alarm bells rang in my head ! Escort , showering with gel, Viagra gone, manicure to his every trace of her scent!ButI carried on as normal as imagination can play with you. We went for lovely tapas and every time I tried to show him affection he said I was nuts.Back to the hotel he left me alone in the bar saying he was tired and wanted to watch telly. After my drink I followed him up. I hadn't seen him in a week and missed him terribly but as I tried to cuddle him on the bed he told me to get off him and stop annoying him.. Saying he had a great time without me.Now shocked and hurt and loose from wine I asked'why is there a Viagra gone?did you have a call girl?At this he whacked me into the side of the head and hurt and disillusioned I wrestled him back.We broke the bed, smashed a lamp and I ended up with a bald patch on my head.I was never so upset in my whole life.He denied it saying he had been out taking cocaine the night before with some other guy and took it on his own when he came back for a play with himself.This didn't make any sense as we were already very low in supply for the holiday.He called me crazy saying I should never have come to meet him and I caused all the damage in the hotel by my crazy accusations and he had a great time without me. It was all my fault he said. Calling me a little spy counting his Viagra.A normal loving husband would have hugged me and said 'no silly billy I took that for you or don't be ridic-escorts!!but he walloped me in the face.To this day I think something defo went on even though when he mentions it I say I trust him completely!I had a great figure then and he still
Didn't want me so maybe subconsciously I am hanging onto the extra weight so then I can say it is the body he doesn't like and not me as a person!the more I am writing the more I realise he has really ****ed me up but I love the idiot and our life style. I am a moron!only with him though!,in real life I am feisty and strong with a high powered career.i never told anyone this story as it is so off the wall but it is a massive root in my insecurities and trust issues.His eyes were black with rage that night, and he kept saying I created pointless chaos. Last year was the worst year of my life trying to get over it.But we were getting on so well lately.. I thought he had matured and relaxed.I didn't really mind the fantasy talk because as he said himself it is better to share the intrigue together than one of us going off side.ig spiced up our non -existant sex life.But the paranoia over cheating and the feeling of uselessness is driving me insane.I think he has destroyed me.programmed me to want him more.
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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Jeepers Creepers.....Uhhhh. I'm ill-equipped. Title lured me in but wow.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Okay, this just sounds troll-ish to me.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

kookygill said:


> ...alone downstairs with my expensive lingerie on my 20 year old breasts....My perky breasts tanned and bouncy in their cups.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, I couldn't get past that part.

What was your question again?


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Troll. Talks about 20 year old breasts then says she's been treated like this for 10 years.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

OneLoveXo said it exactly.

Why do you want to be with a man that treats you like a ***** when you want to be loved like the beautiful person you are?? You are truely selling yourself short when you could have sooo much better.

My advice is to get out of this horrible relationship..find yourself..and get with a man that truely respects you for the wonderful person you are.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

So you are married to a cocaine sniffing, cheating abuser and you want him more?

Are you testing your creative writing abilities here?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Is this a novel? Or the making of a movie?


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## kookygill (Mar 6, 2011)

sinnister said:


> Jeepers Creepers.....Uhhhh. I'm ill-equipped. Title lured me in but wow.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kookygill (Mar 6, 2011)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Okay, this just sounds troll-ish to me.


Funny har de har ......no trolls here! All true
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## kookygill (Mar 6, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> Is this a novel? Or the making of a movie?


True life my dear... I get too poetic when hurt.
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