# I'm losing my respect for my husband, he's changed so much?



## Gracie5367 (Oct 18, 2011)

We've been married for about 2 1/2 years and we really do love eachother. I married him for many reasons, but mostly because I respected him and knew he'd be a good family leader. About a month after we were married he left for basic training and came back very fit. I have to say that the year after that was the best in our marriage. He was never overweight, but it seemed it gave him a better attitude too. I've always been in good shape and I know it makes you a more upbeat and happy person. 

But the passed year, it seems everything went down hill. He stopped working out, and eventually got attitude problems. He's always rude and mean, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. He isn't overweight, but he did gain some. I'm just not used to having a husband like this, it seems like he's a different person. I just want everything to be like it was before. He's letting everything go, from the house, to finances, and even our relationship. 

We recently found out that we're finally expecting a baby (something we've been wanting since before he started changing) and even though I'm so excited now I'm also scared. I don't want our children growing up with a lazy father. I really am trying to help him, but I just don't know where to start. Every time I try to talk he just accuses me of thinking he's fat and walks out of the room. How else can I help him?


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

> How else can I help him?


Maybe just by recognizing that fitness can indeed by very transitory! Basic training might have given him a great body, but who wants to be in basic training forever? If he's accusing you of thinking he's fat, then either you're projecting "I think you're fat" vibes at him, or he thinks he's fat / is disappointed in himself for letting his newly found fit self go downhill. If it's the former, it wouldn't surprise me - heck, even in your post there are "he's fat" vibes. If it's the latter, his lowered self-esteem could easily explain his behavior in other areas (like finances, attitude, etc.). 

If he wants to get back into the gym, he'll do that in his own time and for his own benefit - not yours. Sorry, but that's the way it goes. Accept your husband's body as it is now, and he may surprise you, and he may not - but you've got disapproval oozing all over your post, I suspect you are not hiding it from him as well as you think you are.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Why do you think he has changed? How have you tried to help him so far?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Why would he accuse you of thinking that he's fat? Have you talked about this before?

What kinds of ways do you verbally or physically show him that you care about him, appreciate him, or support him?

Do you tell him that you love him, do you tell him thank-you and that you appreciate what he does, do you give him affection, do you initiate making love with him, and do you make love with him enthusiastically?

Has there been anything of any consequence that has changed in the last year other than his fitness? His job, money situation?

Is he unwilling to talk with you at all, or work on anything? Have you considered any kind of marital counseling so that you could talk in a non-confrontational environment?

Best wishes.


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## shstrang98 (Oct 22, 2011)

What makes you think that he will be a "lazy father?" 


Has it ever occurred to you that maybe he joined the service to get away from you for a while. You sound like an annoying shrew.
I mean come-on; you are calling him lazy for gaining a few pounds?

:scratchhead:

People like shouldn't even get married let alone have children.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

shstrang98 said:


> What makes you think that he will be a "lazy father?"
> 
> 
> Has it ever occurred to you that maybe he joined the service to get away from you for a while. You sound like an annoying shrew.
> ...


Did you even read her post about him not only letting himself go but not paying bills, doing things, etc or were you too busy hurling insults? He has completely changed and she has every right to feel frustrated and not attracted to him.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Gracie5367 said:


> He's always rude and mean,


???


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## shstrang98 (Oct 22, 2011)

> .....He's letting everything go, from the house, to finances, and even our relationship.


Like what? What is he doing to let finances go? Is he not paying bills or is he just not paying off the credit card every month? 

And as far as letting the house go what does that mean? Not pressure washing and repainting? Not doing home improvements? 

"letting everything go can mean many different things to different people. If he's not paying the bills then that's deadly serious. If he isn't paying off the credit card every month that's just stupid but really cannot be considered "letting it go."

There has to be more to this story than you're saying.


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