# Need to Explain This



## alexioskomnenos (Jun 25, 2014)

Hello everyone, 

I am currently in my first month of separation. I have had an extraordinarily difficult time trying to explain my situation to my family and friends. So here we go. 

I have been with the same woman for 8 years, married for six of the eight years. We married at a young age and have had many ups and downs (like any marriage). We were strongly in love with each other and formed bonds on the emotional, physical, and spiritual plains. Suffice to say, we were best friends and lovers at the same time. However, there was much emotional baggage that she brought to the relationship with massive insecurities that were THE result of childhood trauma. I knew about these insecurities early in the relationship and worked with them to the best of my abilities. We dated for around 2 years and had a wonderful wedding despite problems with both of our families. Unfortunately, many of her insecurities did not disappear after our wedding, and in fact, they grew worse as time went on. 

Over the years, my wife and I went through many divorce episodes, all of which were initiated by her. My wife's insecurities plagued our marriage with her consistently asserting that I was being unfaithful to her, even while I learned other languages which she thought were a means to find other women. Despite these insecurities, we still had many wonderful moments that led me to believe that we could work things out between us. Each time she brought divorce to the table, I would convince her to stay to work things out. Over time, however, I became worn down with this approach alongside my wife's consistent prevaricating behavior on the topic of children. At one point, my wife insisted that children could only be an option when "my parents die and we get their money". 

As time went on, I became hollow in my feeling in that I loved my wife, but I couldn't see a future with her. Several months ago, I developed a close clique of friends in my graduate school. With my group, I started to develop a close friendship with one of my friends. At some point, what had started as a friendship, became one an emotional affair. This emotional affair started hampering my already frayed feelings toward my wife which escalated into an argument where I pored all my feelings. My wife took my feelings to mean that I would cheat on her which led her to thrust demands upon me; demands that included the cessation of all contact with my friends. In the end, I did not follow these demands which led to a near physical altercation on her part towards me which resulted in my departure from my home. Later that week, I rented a new apartment and found myself separated from my estranged wife. 

While living in my new apartment, my emotional relationship with my friends escalated into a full blown intimate relationship while my wife attempted to seek marriage counseling with me that ended with two strange sessions with a counselor where I saw a completely different side from my wife. It has now been a month since I have been separated and I cannot help but feel depression towards the way things have turned out. I possess strong feelings towards my partner who has been with me through multiple crisis while I have helped her with problems of her own (it hasn't been sunshine and roses; we both have been weathering many issues together). At the same time, I can't stop thinking about my marriage. I know I still love my wife and part of me hopes that her therapy (she has been given medication as part of her counseling/therapy) would lead to her getting better. I am not sure what to do as I feel conflicted. I cannot imagine going back to a situation where I left for one month while at the same time, I do not wish to hurt my partner who has been genuine throughout this entire ordeal (she knows about these feelings and has been very helpful). I feel like I am depressed over what I have lost through the marriage while denying myself (and my wife) the proper closure we need through my other relationship. Any thoughts?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have been separated from your wife for one month. 

If I read your post right, you affair partner (AP) for only one month.

How long was your emotional affair before you separated from your wife?

Is that correct? Just need that clarification before I can really comment.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Her problems may have worn you down but the affair is all on you.

And think about how great your AP is, sleeping with a married man.

Of course she has problems in her life! She didn't choose to get involved with someone who is married because she makes good decisions! She took advantage of you, a knight in shining armor, and helped turn you into a cheater. How nice! She must love you very much.

She has to go.

Your wife is getting help. Give her time.

You don't have to go back right away but the POSOW must be cut from your life like the cancer that she is.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Are you saying that you hooked up with someone and cheated on your wife because of problems in your marriage??


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## Funkykatz (Jun 17, 2014)

clipclop2 said:


> Her problems may have worn you down but the affair is all on you.
> 
> And think about how great your AP is, sleeping with a married man.
> 
> ...


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

You cheated on your wife. As a husband right now you suck!

If your wife has any sense she'd dump you and move on. Yes, sounds like she has been feeling insecure about her relationship with you. Now we know why.

Maybe you will get lucky and she will give you another chance. If she does I hope you don't blow it. But you probably will if you keep rationalizing and blaming your wife for your actions. 

Your affair partner sure sounds like a quality human being, sleeping with someone else's husband. Yes, invest your emotions, time, and money in a person like that.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Are you coming back OP?


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