# Are you 100% honest with your spouse during separation?



## Confused99 (Jul 29, 2010)

If you do things while separated that your spouse wouldnt like are you honest or is it your time to get those things out of your system? Do you keep quiet for the sake of salvaging your relationship or do you tell all in an effort to lay the foundation for a better relationship moving forward? 
I feel like if I keep secrets then our future relationship will be based on a false illusion but if I tell him then I run the risk of losing the entire relationship. I believe there should be honesty in a healthy functioning relationship but do you have to keep some things to yourself to maintain that? Especially under the circumstances of a separation?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, I think when a couple decides to separate that they need to set some ground rules. Is dating okay or not? Etc. If the rules are in place, then you don't have this problem unless you violate the rules.

The problem is that NO ONE does this, and you end up with Ross and Rachel on a break, and we all know how that ended.

That wasn't very helpful, was it?


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

lamaga said:


> _Well, I think when a couple decides to separate that they need to set some ground rules. Is dating okay or not? Et_c. If the rules are in place, then you don't have this problem unless you violate the rules.
> 
> The problem is that NO ONE does this, and you end up with Ross and Rachel on a break, and we all know how that ended.
> 
> That wasn't very helpful, was it?


Lol, I remember asking her that in the 3 weeks she was back. Her response. "You can do whatever you want".


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Why separated? To me, the whole point of separation is to do things without your spouse having to know every little thing you do. I wouldn't even call separated marriage partners spouses even. but I guess it depends all on the ground rules like lamaga said.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

My STBXW knew I didn't want her becoming physically involved with anyone else while separated. She did anyway and tried to hide it from me. I would have divorced her anyway, but that is the biggest determining factor in there being no chance of anything happening between the two of us ever again. Zero. She repulsed me. 

Not sure what you did that your spouse won't like, nor am I asking you to share. All I can say is be prepared to face the consequences of whatever actions you decide to make. Because of her actions, our family is irrevocably destroyed and I will never look back. Be prepared to accept that outcome yourself if you make a decision that would be life changing for you both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Confused99 said:


> If you do things while separated that your spouse wouldnt like are you honest or is it your time to get those things out of your system? Do you keep quiet for the sake of salvaging your relationship or do you tell all in an effort to lay the foundation for a better relationship moving forward?
> I feel like if I keep secrets then our future relationship will be based on a false illusion but if I tell him then I run the risk of losing the entire relationship. I believe there should be honesty in a healthy functioning relationship but do you have to keep some things to yourself to maintain that? Especially under the circumstances of a separation?


Why do people separate if they plan on getting back together, just sounds plain dumb to me, it's dangerous I think. What if one of the couple starts dating someone etc. In my opinion you separate because you are done with the marriage and the next step is divorce.

just saying....


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

lamaga said:


> Well, I think when a couple decides to separate that they need to set some ground rules. Is dating okay or not? Etc. If the rules are in place, then you don't have this problem unless you violate the rules.
> 
> The problem is that NO ONE does this, and you end up with Ross and Rachel on a break, and we all know how that ended.
> 
> That wasn't very helpful, was it?


But if people intend on getting back together, why are they allowed to date...to me it just sounds like an affair with permission....IDK


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Confused99 said:


> If you do things while separated that your spouse wouldnt like are you honest or is it your time to get those things out of your system? Do you keep quiet for the sake of salvaging your relationship or do you tell all in an effort to lay the foundation for a better relationship moving forward?
> I feel like if I keep secrets then our future relationship will be based on a false illusion but if I tell him then I run the risk of losing the entire relationship. I believe there should be honesty in a healthy functioning relationship but do you have to keep some things to yourself to maintain that? Especially under the circumstances of a separation?


A healthy functioning relationship isn`t one where the participants are "separated".

The only point of separation is to distance yourself from your spouse so you can do things you don`t want to divulge to them in the first place.

It`s then easier to return to the relationship when it`s beneficial to you while keeping your secrets.

If you actually want a "healthy functioning" relationship end the separation.
It`s already creating problems that didn`t need to exist.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

My husband and I are separated (we aren't even in the same state) and we did set ground rules ... I am 30, living in Las Vegas, not the worst looking person in the world and I would never step outside our marriage or do anything I wouldn't tell him. I "believe" he is doing the same.


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