# Sober for a month today..



## Nikki1023

Ok, Ive been posting alot in other forums, but never here.

In a nutshell:
Me and my H have been married 5 yrs, were young, have 2 kids. He is stationed in Japan and when he was drunk, kissed a woman in her barracks room. He is under investigation for "sexual assault", she's crying wolf because she dosent want to get in trouble. He admits he has an alcohol problem..but I dont think it excuses him from 5 yrs of drinking, flirting and doing whatever else he may have done.

SOO, we started the separation about 24 hours ago ( phone, email- we dont see each other hes in Japan) It was my decision, he still wants to talk, crys that he loves me and needs me, but I am hurt and dont want to talk.

MY QUESTION. Should I send him an email, just to say Im glad he made it through the month..esp since he's going through alot.
I personally, dont want to. But Im not an addict..and I dont know if even though were not talking..since Im his wife, am I supposed to email him to show I support what he's overcoming?

Please help, any insight welcomed.


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## nice777guy

If you send an e-mail, keep it VERY brief.

If you don't want to send one, that's completely understandable also.


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## Prodigal

You don't mention if your husband has been ordered to go to A.A. meetings. Nowadays, the military has a zero-toleration policy for drinking. I know. I was married to a career Army officer who ended up spending 28 days locked up in a military rehab center in Portsmouth, VA. And that was back in January '03. Problem? Coworkers smelled alcohol on him, and his commanding officer noticed what appeared to be unsteadiness in my husband one morning at work. 

One month sober is just that. One month. I don't know how long your husband has been abusing alcohol, but it's very difficult and emotionally draining for someone to fight the craving; thus, A.A. or some such program, where addicts lend one another support.

You need help for yourself, because your husband's drinking has had a negative impact on your life. Ever considered Al-Anon? It's not for everyone, but it sure helped me get through some hellish moments my husband put me through. It doesn't hurt to try a few meetings and see if it works for you. The idea is to get support from other people who have walked a few miles in your shoes.

Don't contact your husband until you feel like it. Going no-contact for a few days won't bring your marriage to a screeching halt.


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## Nikki1023

"Your one month sober. Congrats, you hit that milestone you were looking forward to." that was my email

He went to anger management/AA before I met him.

But in regards to now, the answer is no. His drinking problem, wasn't a work problem. He shows up every morning, on time. He abused it off work hours. They never saw it as a problem, and still dont. Havent mentioned getting him any help. He took it in his own hands to stop..said every time he drinks he makes bad decisions. The base he's on now, dosent have AA, counselling.. anything like that. Just the Chaplin to talk to. When he gets to his next unit, he was supposed to PCS 2 wks ago...but is on hold due to the investigation, he will push to go back to that rehab to help him. 

Thanks for your insight and help. 

Im trying to understand that he has/had a problem that did hinder his abilities to make proper judgement choices..but I also dont want it to be a major reason why I try to forgive him. He was still wrong.


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## nice777guy

Nikki1023 said:


> "Your one month sober. Congrats, you hit that milestone you were looking forward to." that was my email
> 
> He went to anger management/AA before I met him.
> 
> But in regards to now, the answer is no. His drinking problem, wasn't a work problem. He shows up every morning, on time. He abused it off work hours. They never saw it as a problem, and still dont. Havent mentioned getting him any help. He took it in his own hands to stop..said every time he drinks he makes bad decisions. The base he's on now, dosent have AA, counselling.. anything like that. Just the Chaplin to talk to. When he gets to his next unit, he was supposed to PCS 2 wks ago...but is on hold due to the investigation, he will push to go back to that rehab to help him.
> 
> Thanks for your insight and help.
> 
> Im trying to understand that he has/had a problem that did hinder his abilities to make proper judgement choices..but I also dont want it to be a major reason why I try to forgive him. He was still wrong.


I still think its reasonable either way.

You don't "owe" him a congratulations.

But I've also always felt that - even when times were hard - its OK to tell someone that you still love them - even if you can't or aren't willing to be with them.

Like I said - not sure if my opinion will match others. Its what seems right to me. 

Do what feels right to you.


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