# Not sure what to do..



## scififan (Mar 18, 2012)

I am on my 2nd marriage. My first marriage failed because my wife used drugs and I am 100% totally not into any of that and do not want it near me, around me, and prefer not to be around people that use. She knew this before we got married. She used before we got married and said she had quit. So we got maried and a year later she started again. it was my fault because i told her to quit. I should have not married her to begin with. People only quit for themselves, not for other people.

Now, I met my current wife and she said she "tried" drugs in junior high but did not like it and did not try it again. I told her about the problems I had with my first wife. We hit it off (this is 5 years after my first marriage) and we got married 2 years later. 2 additional years after we were married I found drugs. Come to find out she used through junior high, high school, college and her first marriage along wiith her first husband. I was devistated. She said she would quit and would go to meetings, I told her I would go with her if she wanted. She went twice and stopped. She said she was okay and wouldn't use.

Now its 5 years later and now I am finding out she is using again.
I haven't confronted her yet. I am kinda numb. I love her so much. This is a deal breaker for me. I can't change who or what I am. I hate drugs! I have never used. Never will use. I don't know what to do...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What drugs is she using? This is important because it tells a lot about what is going on with her.


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## scififan (Mar 18, 2012)

I'm reluctant to say because society in general feels its not a bad drug. To me it is. Actually now its "poppers" and this drug. It may be a legal form of the drug. Only found the poppers and other receipts from store that would sell paraphanaiia. But its still not acceptable to me.....its marijuana. I know. i'm being silly, right? It's not even a bad drug. To me it is...I don't like it. I'm sorry if it sounds like I am defending myself..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have the right to feel the way you want to about the drug. 

My take on pot is that it has valid medical uses. It's no worse than alcohol, if not a lot easier on most people. But it's illegal right now and so that creates an additional problem. 

Are you in a state with legal medical marijuana?

If the poppers are what I think they are.. some kind of legal herbs and such that get a person high? I've read some bad things about them. they are not exactly the same as pot and have some bad affects. I'd be pretty worried about them... do some research on them so you know what you are dealing with.

The reason I asked what drugs she is taking is that many with mental disorders self-medicate using street drugs. For example meth and other drugs of that class are often abuses by people who have untreated ADD. A lot of bi-polar people use it as well.

If there is self medicating going on then finding out the mental health issue and treating that properly can end the illegal drug use.

Were I you I would be very upset about her lying. She could end up the mother of your children... and your children exposed to the affects of the drugs. Not a good thing at all.

I personally would not accept a spouse who used pot or who drank a lot. I would not accept any of the other street drugs either. To me it's reason to end a marriage.

If your wife has pot on her, then she is exposing you to getting arrested and having the possession on your record as well. Not a good thing IMHO.

If you want to give her one chance to clean up. If she does not take it then IMHO it's divorce time. 

Maybe, you need to start drug testing ... and if you date again.. definitely drug test. You seem to be a lying drug user magnate.


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## scififan (Mar 18, 2012)

In my state there is no medical marijuana..although that could change by the end of the year.

Yeah, she has ADD and that is her main excuse for using. But she understands that I don't agree its a valid reason to use...

Poppers is like Whip-its. Nitrous oxide caninster stuff. 

I don't know if that is new or something she never told me....right now I have so little trust in anything she says...
This all started off with me finding a search result for poppers
last week our computer that I thought was odd. I brushed it off but in the last 48 hours I found the receipt and today I found the used poppers themselves. And no, I don't spy on her..I inadvertantly just saw the result in the history.

I am afraid if I giver her another chance she will just be better about hiding it from me...

Yeah, you think I am a magnet? I don't know why...

In the last month something felt odd..I actually thought she might have been having an affair..but no evidence. So I brushed that off too..I hope its not an affair and the drugs.


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## scififan (Mar 18, 2012)

Something else that keeps eating at me.....

It was relatively easy to find the receipt for the paraphanailia....if my wife is anything, beside a drug user, she is smart. The poppers were also laying out on the dining room table in a bag...

Granted..we don't keep a tidy house and there are A LOT of bags loose on the dining table. I would not have found the used poppers if I hadn't been looking for a bag to put something in to take to work...

But, it seems too sloppy.......

Maybe its just me..I don't know. But, maybe she wants me to find all this stuff to get pissed at her and leave....to... ?? maybe
she is seeing someone else? Maybe she wants me to be the mean person and leave and not her?


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Are you a magnet for drug users? It's not so much your wife is smoking weed, it is that she LIED about it. You were covering your bases before you marriage, going in carefully and making sure you wouldn't have to go through what you did in your first marriage.

It's the deceit that hurts. I am so sorry about what you must be feeling. These women are going to rob you of your ability to trust. Don't let that happen to you okay?


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