# Can I keep the other man as a friend only for chat?



## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

How do you define EA? What if the OM and I both don't want to have sex with each other but just chat like friends once in a while to say hi and 10 mins chat?
Is it cheating?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Is it wrong to keep a friend (opposite sex) close after married?
Is it EA?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Well its not so much how many OM friends you have but HOW you interact with them. If you find yourself searching this OM out and ignoring your H then its an EA on some level. Life is about choices. If you continue chatting with OM then don't complain if your spouse makes the choice to kick you to the curb.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

No it is a very bad idea. Chances are that in the future he may betray you; would it be OK for him to check in with the OW periodically? Put yourself in your partners shoes then act accordingly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

friendly said:


> How do you define EA? What if the OM and I both don't want to have sex with each other but just chat like friends once in a while to say hi and 10 mins chat?
> Is it cheating?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who cares. It is terribly ill advised. Very, very unwise if what you want is to repair your marriage.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

friendly said:


> How do you define EA? What if the OM and I both don't want to have sex with each other but just chat like friends once in a while to say hi and 10 mins chat?
> Is it cheating?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why not ask your husband AFTER you let him know the full scope of your connection to this OM?

That would be the most valid answer you can get.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I feel it sound unreasonable to kick away all the friends after married when non of them are friends with benefit.
My husband can keep his friends and chat to them once in a while as long as he knows where the limit is. Why can't I have a friend who I like to keep for life and say "Hi" to him also once in a while. The OM and me are both committed to our own relationships. He likes his gf very much and I'm devoted to my marriage. We clearly know there's no future for us and it's not possible for us to cheat but just a friendship to keep alive.
I feel it brings no harms as long as things are done within the boundaries: we don't discuss any inappropriate topics. We don't meet each other, either.
So why pure friendship is considered as Ea here in this forum?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Do you share with this OM, things you would not say to him in front of your husband? Do you discuss secrets you should share only with your husband? Do you hide or try to hide your communications from your husband? Violations of intimacy don't always involve sex and some of the most damaging have nothing to do with sex. A real friend would want you to be as happy as possible in your marriage. Every day, you work on your marriage. You are either working to make it better or you're working to destroy it. You have to decide how this OM fits into that equation.
If this OM is providing some emotional need that you should be getting from your husband, it's probably not healthy. In such a case, the better move would be to teach your husband to provide that emotional support.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

You and your husband need to discuss opposite sex friends. You two can set the boundaries. Anything you say to this man you should be able to say in front of your husband. 

If you are honest with yourself, you are probably just keeping this guy around for your ego or for later when you need emotional support again. 

Isn't your husband more important then saying "hi" to some guy you SAY is just a friend?


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## Boogsie (Aug 24, 2010)

Why are you married? You are having an EA which eventually might move to a PA and in this thread

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...when-husbands-want-sex-but-you-dont-want.html

You are looking for excuses to give your husband to not have sex. 

I'll ask again, why are you married?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

just a bad idea imo


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I'm not very sure if this is a EA : To say "Hi, and how are you?" to the OM once in a while without inappropriate topics except each other's work and health,
I don't think the chat is strong enough to cause emotional affairs. Honestly,
I don't feel myself loved or desired by him. So how do you define EA when there's no passion and sexual interests involved?
He keeps me no more than just a friend because i'm married.
I'd keep him a life friend because there's nothing much I can do for him more than just say "Hi!" once in a while, it sounds pathetic. 
After married, this is the maximum what I can do for the OM.
My sexual life with my husband is regular. I try to find excuses not to have sex only once in a while. I also need sex even it gets boring after many years doing it with same person but no matter what, my marriage life has nothing to do with the OM. He has no idea about my sexual life with my husband. We don't talk anything that is too personal.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

SaffronPower said:


> You and your husband need to discuss opposite sex friends. You two can set the boundaries. Anything you say to this man you should be able to say in front of your husband.
> 
> If you are honest with yourself, you are probably just keeping this guy around for your ego or for later when you need emotional support again.
> 
> Isn't your husband more important then saying "hi" to some guy you SAY is just a friend?


My husband is the most important man in my life. I've devoted to him more than 99.999%, to compare my husband with the OM, the OM only gets my 0.001% attention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Boogsie said:


> Why are you married? You are having an EA which eventually might move to a PA and in this thread
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...when-husbands-want-sex-but-you-dont-want.html
> 
> ...


This is a very good question.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Do you share with this OM, things you would not say to him in front of your husband? Do you discuss secrets you should share only with your husband? Do you hide or try to hide your communications from your husband? Violations of intimacy don't always involve sex and some of the most damaging have nothing to do with sex. A real friend would want you to be as happy as possible in your marriage. Every day, you work on your marriage. You are either working to make it better or you're working to destroy it. You have to decide how this OM fits into that equation.
> If this OM is providing some emotional need that you should be getting from your husband, it's probably not healthy. In such a case, the better move would be to teach your husband to provide that emotional support.


What can I hide from my husband?
My husband gets all what I can provide, such as love, time, commitments, affection and food I cook!
The OM instead only gets a little attention from me, just a greeting.
Am I being too nice to the OM? He wouldn't agree that we're having an EA, because he didn't feel or get a thing from me except the very pathetic greeting.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Mrs.G said:


> This is a very good question.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a nonsense question with false accusation to judge ppl shouldn't be married. It's always too easy for ppl to judge. How can pure
Friendship be EA? Explain it with valid reasons instead.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

So far, I didn't see any valid reason to conclude friendship as EA and cheating. It's totally insane.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

friendly said:


> So far, I didn't see any valid reason to conclude friendship as EA and cheating. It's totally insane.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't be bothered to read all of these responses. But since you make this statement, nobody must have posted this:

Would you have a problem letting your husband know the full extent of your interactions? Letting him know how often you chat? Would he have a problem reading any of your texts or emails? Listening to your conversations? Do you hide any of this from him? 

Answer "yes" to any of those and it's inappropriate.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

MrK said:


> I can't be bothered to read all of these responses. But since you make this statement, nobody must have posted this:
> 
> Would you have a problem letting your husband know the full extent of your interactions? Letting him know how often you chat? Would he have a problem reading any of your texts or emails? Listening to your conversations? Do you hide any of this from him?
> 
> Answer "yes" to any of those and it's inappropriate.


I agree, and that is why I wrote this:



michzz said:


> Why not ask your husband AFTER you let him know the full scope of your connection to this OM?
> 
> That would be the most valid answer you can get.



And I doubt the lady will even address this at all. She wants what she wants.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

Things can grow into something bigger or deeper than they are now. Maybe your marriage is great now, but there will come times that it is strained. At those times you will increase the amount of time and the deepness on this interaction with the OM. This increased attention to the OM will then make the problems in your marriage even worse.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

friendly said:


> I'm not very sure if this is a EA : To say "Hi, and how are you?" to the OM once in a while without inappropriate topics except each other's work and health,
> I don't think the chat is strong enough to cause emotional affairs. Honestly,
> I don't feel myself loved or desired by him. So how do you define EA when there's no passion and sexual interests involved?
> He keeps me no more than just a friend because i'm married.
> ...


I think the point is that you are putting yourself in a situation where you are flirting with fire. It might not turn into an EA, but there is a chance that it might. 

You don't talk about anything too personal...yet. When you get comfortable with someone, same or opposite sex, you will want to start telling them more and more. If you get into a fight with your husband and get online and this guy asks how your day was, what are you going to say? Will you tell him about the fight? You might very well be tempted to, because you have someone to confide in. You can vent. You can let it out. One conversation leads to another and soon you may be discussing your frustrations with your sex life. He may flirt, you may flirt. Maybe not. But do you want to risk it? IMO, it's a situation I would run away from as fast as I could I I wanted my marriage to work.

It may be perfectly innocent now, but things could change fast. It's a bit like playing with fire. Just my opinion, though.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Not even flirting email, and online chat.
Those are inappropriate contacts.
I don't think he's interested in those contacts with me.
What we do is a sms of greeting on new year or birthdays or once in a while.
As I said, we only get greetings from each other.
I would love to have a little chat with him on FB though but we're free in different timing. So it's hard to catch each other online.
He's just a friend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

friendly said:


> How do you define EA? What if the OM and I both don't want to have sex with each other but just chat like friends once in a while to say hi and 10 mins chat?
> Is it cheating?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What does "10 mins chat" mean? Phone conversation? How often do these conversations happen? Weekly, monthly, yearly? If they are just friendly conversations, frequency will determine whether or not you're putting yourself at risk for more than friendship.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

MGirl said:


> I think the point is that you are putting yourself in a situation where you are flirting with fire. It might not turn into an EA, but there is a chance that it might.
> 
> You don't talk about anything too personal...yet. When you get comfortable with someone, same or opposite sex, you will want to start telling them more and more. If you get into a fight with your husband and get online and this guy asks how your day was, what are you going to say? Will you tell him about the fight? You might very well be tempted to, because you have someone to confide in. You can vent. You can let it out. One conversation leads to another and soon you may be discussing your frustrations with your sex life. He may flirt, you may flirt. Maybe not. But do you want to risk it? IMO, it's a situation I would run away from as fast as I could I I wanted my marriage to work.
> 
> It may be perfectly innocent now, but things could change fast. It's a bit like playing with fire. Just my opinion, though.


This is a great opinion. My OM doesn't care about me or my marriage. He's not a person that I can get any validation or comfort. My husband instead will comfort me when I need to vent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

here is one reason when you think everything is just so friendly
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/23531-deleted.html

i dont see why you even came here to ask since you have already made up your mind unless it was to use as ammunition against your husband to show him people here would back you and he already has a problem with it.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

friendly said:


> So far, I didn't see any valid reason to conclude friendship as EA and cheating. It's totally insane.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here are two valid reasons: 

1) When you married your husband, you made a promise to "forsake all others and be faithful to him as long as you live" maybe not in those exact words, but they were part of the intention in your marriage vows. You are alive. Therefore, you would be breaking your promise if you do not "forego, give up, leave, quit, reject or abandon" ALL others. Note it does not say "some others" nor "most other except for a few really GOOD ones" but ALL. All is a universal. I promise to forsake all other as long as I live. I am alive. Therefore I will forsake all others. 

2) Due to your marriage vows, you have a duty to your husband and no other person. This means that HE--your husband--is owed 100% of your affection and loyalty. You yourself have said that the other man is getting 1% of your attention at least, and since you refuse to give him up for the good of your marriage, he is DEFINITELY getting your loyalty! That means that what is DUE to your husband, you have given to another man. That is the definition of emotional affair. 

In conclusion, when a man and woman marry there is no law that says they have to give up their opposite sex friends. The emotional affair comes into play when they are going to the other person--their "friend"--with thoughts, feelings, and/or issues that they should be going to their spouse with. For example, if you are unhappy at home and you go to your "friend" and say "What do men/ladies mean when they do this and that?" you should be revealing your unhappiness and confusion to your spouse so you two can work it out and come closer. Instead, you are sharing closeness with another person! The closeness is duty-bound to their spouse ONLY and it's being given to someone else...and that's an emotional affair. As human beings, we do not HAVE TO give up those opposite sex friends, but usually, as a very overall general rule, when we have an opposite sex friend it's so easy...too easy...to cross the line and give what is not theirs to have. That's why many people just don't have opposite sex friends--to protect their marriage from the interference of another. 

Soooo...the big question is now that you have two valid reasons and a clear definition of an emotional affair, are you going to do the right thing and honor your vow, or continue to make excuses and justify your EA?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Maybe I didn't explain my true problem in a understandable way. I'm conflicted.
The OM will dump his gf right away if he knows I am divorced. He's not into any affairs, not even one night stand with me but a serious relationship. However, he knows I won't leave my husband and I won't cheat on him. What we can have each other is a sms greeting once in a while. (Once every few months.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

friendly said:


> This is a great opinion. My OM doesn't care about me or my marriage. He's not a person that I can get any validation or comfort. My husband instead will comfort me when I need to vent.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I really think you've already made up your mind and you're trying to get us to validate you and tell you this is okay. Do you feel guilty about communicating with this OM? If he really doesn't care about you, why are still in contact with him?

Edited: Okay, just read your last post...so he is interested in you, but not interested in messing up your marriage, right? If he'd dump his gf at the news of you being divorced, he obviously has feelings for you. 

If this truly is a single text message of "Hi" or "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Easter" 4 times a year, why are you asking us about this? There's got to be something else going on if you're so conflicted about this. "Happy Halloween" shouldn't make you conflicted...what else is going on?



friendly said:


> Maybe I didn't explain my true problem in a understandable way. I'm conflicted.
> The OM will dump his gf right away if he knows I am divorced. He's not into any affairs, not even one night stand with me but a serious relationship. However, he knows I won't leave my husband and I won't cheat on him. What we can have each other is a sms greeting once in a while. (Once every few months.)
> Posted via Mobile Device


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Sorry, but I didn't make a marriage vow claiming I will forsake all others that includes a friend like the OM.
I did tell my husband I love him and I will never leave him. I didn't break that promise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

friendly said:


> Maybe I didn't explain my true problem in a understandable way. I'm conflicted.
> The OM will dump his gf right away if he knows I am divorced. He's not into any affairs, not even one night stand with me but a serious relationship. However, he knows I won't leave my husband and I won't cheat on him. What we can have each other is a sms greeting once in a while. (Once every few months.)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


this in its self is a fire waiting to happen


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

friendly said:


> Sorry, but I didn't make a marriage vow claiming I will forsake all others that includes a friend like the OM.
> I did tell my husband I love him and I will never leave him. I didn't break that promise.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you tell him this guy has a great line for you? That he'd dump his GF for you if you would divorce your husband??

BTW, the intent of that statement was to feel out your interest is screwing around. It was NOT intended as any noble loyalty or respect for your marriage. He's got you on a fishline and reeling you in a little at a time. You actually like the feel of that hook in your lip.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

friendly said:


> Maybe I didn't explain my true problem in a understandable way. I'm conflicted.
> The OM will dump his gf right away if he knows I am divorced. He's not into any affairs, not even one night stand with me but a serious relationship. However, he knows I won't leave my husband and I won't cheat on him. What we can have each other is a sms greeting once in a while. (Once every few months.)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is your husband aware that this man has told you these things? What does he think of it? What is your husband's stance on your relationship with the OM as a whole? 

I think the fact that you refer to him as OM is very telling. Clearly lines have been crossed. Now you're looking for justification to keep this thing going. You're not going to find it.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

MGirl said:


> I really think you've already made up your mind and you're trying to get us to validate you and tell you this is okay. Do you feel guilty about communicating with this OM? If he really doesn't care about you, why are still in contact with him?


That's an very interesting part, why i'm still in contact with him? we both don't want to cut off that tiny connection without a reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

michzz said:


> Did you tell him this guy has a great line for you? That he'd dump his GF for you if you would divorce your husband??
> 
> BTW, the intent of that statement was to feel out your interest is screwing around. It was NOT intended as any noble loyalty or respect for your marriage. He's got you on a fishline and reeling you in a little at a time. You actually like the feel of that hook in your lip.


Why would I tell my husband about something that won't happen?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

friendly said:


> Maybe I didn't explain my true problem in a understandable way. I'm conflicted.
> The OM will dump his gf right away if he knows I am divorced. He's not into any affairs, not even one night stand with me but a serious relationship. However, he knows I won't leave my husband and I won't cheat on him. What we can have each other is a sms greeting once in a while. (Once every few months.)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry...this is just really bothering me. You're really contradicting yourself here.

You first said you would have "10 minute chats" with him. 

You then said you only send a simple text message once every few months (4 times a year?)

You then said that you are conflicted and that this OM has feelings for you.

Now you state that he is not interested in breaking up your marriage but wants a "serious relationship" (??)

What's really going on here, friendly? How can you have a "serious relationship" with someone you text message once every 3 months to say "Hi" or "Merry Christmas" ? Do you *want* a serious relationship with this OM?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

friendly said:


> Why would I tell my husband about something that won't happen?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:scratchhead:

Your deliberate lack of self awareness is quite stunning.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I think I started to see more valid reasons and good comments. Something is wrong but nothing really happens.
I've known the om for 4 years but nothing happens.
My marriage is stable as well as his relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

michzz said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Your deliberate lack of self awareness is quite stunning.


I believe she is in denial.

What are you looking for from us, friendly?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

friendly said:


> Why would I tell my husband about something that won't happen?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Another man has told you he wants you. Your husband deserves to know that someone else is trying to be with you. If there's nothing wrong with what he's said, why should you not tell your husband?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

10 mins chat not yet happened, that's why i'm looking for advice if I could go for a small chat with him.
He didn't show anything to disturb my marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> Another man has told you he wants you. Your husband deserves to know that someone else is trying to be with you. If there's nothing wrong with what he's said, why should you not tell your husband?


I won't tell my husband. I don't want him to worry because I know where the limit is.
As I said nothing will happen.
I just want to keep a friend, a man, whom I like.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

friendly said:


> 10 mins chat not yet happened, that's why i'm looking for advice if I could go for a small chat with him.
> He didn't show anything to disturb my marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


not getting the replies you had hoped for here?

i still do not understand why you came here with this then try and down talk all the opinions here?
what is your real purpose in posting this?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

MGirl said:


> I believe she is in denial.
> 
> What are you looking for from us, friendly?


Why is it not Ok to keep the OM as a friend for the rest of my life?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

Your marriage is not as stable as you think if you are keep a man in a jar... break glass in case of emergency...
been there, done that
I am so far from a saint in this, but I will tell you one thing.
you KNOW this is not innocent. This is a back up plan. Sure, you don't want to use it, but it sure is nice to have... isnt it...
Before we go into how your husband would feel about you having a back up plan. Just admit that you do.
I can't fault you, I am guilty myself. I am in so deep here it is crazy and I don't talk to my OM... I talk to his WIFE... and I call her a friend now, she is a friend. Craziness over here lol
just so you don't think I am one that has never done things or felt things like that.

Were you just hoping we would say sure that is fine in a healthy marriage to have an emergency plan? All I can say to that is that if your husband knew and was fine then you are healthy marriage wise. If you hide it and you feel it it will at the very least find companions in your brain and the bad will grow and it will destroy...

When and how you address this is yours


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> not getting the replies you had hoped for here?
> 
> i still do not understand why you came here with this then try and down talk all the opinions here?
> what is your real purpose in posting this?


I don't understand what you mean "down talk" ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Shianne said:


> *Your marriage is not as stable as you think if you are keep a man in a jar... break glass in case of emergency...*
> been there, done that
> I am so far from a saint in this, but I will tell you one thing.
> *you KNOW this is not innocent. This is a back up plan. Sure, you don't want to use it, but it sure is nice to have... isnt it...*
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Well said, Shianne


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Shianne said:


> Your marriage is not as stable as you think if you are keep a man in a jar... break glass in case of emergency...
> been there, done that
> I am so far from a saint in this, but I will tell you one thing.
> you KNOW this is not innocent. This is a back up plan. Sure, you don't want to use it, but it sure is nice to have... isnt it...
> ...


Wow, I appreciate your advice!
I think you have hit some point. The OM is a backup plan in some way.
No harms but not innocent. It's nice to have a spare tire for emergency.
This is a well put!
But why you're friend with his wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Just a thought, I wonder if I would ever have a chance to use that spare tire. My husband is like a great car that would fix itself automatically when it breaks down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

WhereAmI said:


> Another man has told you he wants you. Your husband deserves to know that someone else is trying to be with you. If there's nothing wrong with what he's said, why should you not tell your husband?


I will not tell my husband about the OM. It's asking for troubles. The OM has never tried to be with me. I will have to take initiatives if I will be single again. Then he will response right away.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

friendly said:


> I will not tell my husband about the OM. It's asking for troubles.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


so if you know this, in other words, OM is more important than your husband or your marriage.
very nice, im sure when he does find out he will appreciate that :smthumbup:


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

friendly said:


> *I will not tell my husband about the OM. It's asking for troubles.* The OM has never tried to be with me. I will have to take initiatives if I will be single again. Then he will response right away.


Talking to the OM is where the trouble lies. 

As a general rule, if you feel the need to hide something from your spouse, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

How can the OM be more important than my husband? He wouldn't agree. I should divorce my husband for him instead if he's more important.
It's simply I would not ask for troubles I think I can handle this issue myself after I get some good advice here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

friendly said:


> I will not tell my husband about the OM. It's asking for troubles. The OM has never tried to be with me. I will have to take initiatives if I will be single again. Then he will response right away.


The fact that you just said "...if I will be single again..." worries me. The thought has obviously crossed your mind and that's grounds for trouble. I'm really trying not to read into things here, but it appears you are holding back a lot of details.

The simple fact that you know that the OM would love to be with you implies that you are having conversations much more intimate than, "Hi, how are you..."


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

friendly said:


> I've known the om for 4 years but nothing happens.
> My marriage is stable as well as his relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are completely contradicting yourself here. You mentioned previously that the OM says he would dump his GF immediately if he knew you were divorced. That is NOT an indication that his relationship is stable or that he is committed to it in any way. Sounds like you are trying to rationalize things.

Based on my personal experience, I think you are caught up in the ego stroking and attention you're getting from this man. It feels really, really good to have someone tell you they'd throw away everything for you...it feels very romantic and exciting and makes you feel special, especially if your life has settled into routine tedium and if you've become disconnected from your husband. You have the same heady rush you'd have with any drug. But, sorry, this is not a friendship. I have many male friends and they all know not to cross THAT line. I think you are unconsciously (or not so unconsciously) encouraging his attention because it makes you feel good. If you truly didn't want the attention, you would shut it down and stop talking to this guy...or tell your husband. How would you feel if your husband had a female "friend" who was suggesting that they dump their respective partner for each other?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

It feels like I shouldn't even keep him as a friend and give him a tiny hope with my tiny greetings.
I think it's unfair to him.
I'm a married woman and I can't provide him any future... 
I don't feel sorry for my husband, because he possess all what I can provide. Time, love, faith, care...etc. The OM who would like me a great deal but he gets nothing from me. I should tell him clearly or cut off the contact totally.
I'll keep him as a friend, only in my memories...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

why do I explain it is so weird and dumb lol but it is my life


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

She's trolling. If it's even a "she". Stop wasting time with her (him).


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Lol some misunderstanding here.
One time I sms him "how are you doing and how's your gf doing?" he then said fine and ask "how about you?" I played prank on him saying I'm actually getting divorced. (It's a lie.) 
He said he might want to break up with the gf soon.
I told him his 
GF is nice to him, it's a shame if he let her go...
So I know, if I were really single, he would leave his gf.
After that, he stayed with the gf until now.
He once mentioned that they don't plan to marry each other but he's thinking of breaking up often.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

MrK said:


> She's trolling. If it's even a "she". Stop wasting time with her (him).


Eh? I'm a female, I just checked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

friendly said:


> How can the OM be more important than my husband?


Put as simply as possible, since you know the OM has designs on you "if you ever divorce" (or just feel like stepping out), by keeping his "friendship," you are saying that your "friendship" with him is more important to you than the well-being of you marriage.



> He wouldn't agree. I should divorce my husband for him instead if he's more important.


Meanwhile, if your marriage truly were more important than your "friendship" with this OM, you should have had no problem at all severing all contact with him the moment he made it known that, if you ever became available, he'd be right there, the first one in line, having killed his own existing relationship in favo of being with you.


> It's simply I would not ask for troubles I think I can handle this issue myself after I get some good advice here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You've gotten plenty of good advice here, bu seem unwilling to act upon it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

boy do i know how to arrive at a party late, or what....


the prob with being "friends" with a guy who might just be interested in you, is eventually you make good on the plan, or else he will stop taking your calls, and will eventually stop speaking.

this is from personal exp., a guy who is into you should never have your phone number, keep them at bay....it is poss to be friends with a guy, my good friend is a guy, and he will not face the reality that im a girl, i could have sex or are interested in sex.

he will hug and cuddle with me....but anything else, in his words EEWWWW!!!!! 

guys that may be into you a little or a lot more than you are into them, will turn on you, be mean, and move on with life...without you. my friend would not even consider marrying me if my husband was dead...his words were not even over his dead body, no way in hell...

you can have outside friend ships...but its difficult to balance a saftey barrier esp., if husband isnt also a friend...its too easy to fall into a trap of fight with husband, call good friend, friend tells you something good...you think oh hes being a friend..

after so many fights...so much advice...so much trust has built up...he learns more about you..it could be all innocient...but having 2 sides that dont talk, and dont really know each other can get messy...

i dont trust anybody not to be a stalker, and be hidding in my bushes, i dont let anybody in who dosent live under my roof, it gets hard to say ok, i will talk to you about this, and you about that...if its girlfriends, who cares what you say we always understands...

but i dont tell my guy friend about babies or menstration...so we talk about different things..mostly guy things...but he is not interested in me and im not interested in him..so we have clear hard set boundries, that we both respect, and abide by, and we dont take a returned phone call or two presonal.


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