# DS Says She Loves Me But....



## drivingmenutzkma (Sep 12, 2010)

Ok it's been 5 months since the affair started and it has been ended for about a month. My DS wife says she loves me but she still is not in love with me. She says it's getting better each day but still not to the point where she is in love with me again. She also will not make love to me. She says sex doesn't mean that much to her, actions do. I am nearly fed up. What is your input on this subject. I do honestly believe she has ended the affair. She also says she wants so badly to be as much in love with me as she used to be. Do I give it time or do I end it now? Been married 13 years and have 3 children so I have alot to lose. This is the only time she ever cheated on me.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Rather than sweeping everything under the rug and just hoping it all turns out okay, I suggest that you two take a much more active approach. 

First, has she agreed to the three requirements to returning to the marriage? Take a peek at this sticky thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...-things-needed-rebuild-trust-dss-honesty.html

No Contact
Transparency
Commitment
If not, I would recommend starting there. If she's not willing to all three of those, then I'd say you two really haven't been recovering your marriage. 

If she has agreed to those three things, then I'd recommend that the two of you, as a team start with the questionnaires on our Quiz Page. Start with the Myers-Briggs Personality Test and find out about your own personality and hers. Then go to the Personality Page and share with each other some of the strengths and weaknesses of your personality and where you two might be misunderstanding, etc. 

Next do the Love Kindlers Questionnaire to share with each other what makes the fire of love blaze...for YOU. 

Do the Love Extinguishers Questionnaire to share with each other what actions and behaviors put out the fire and makes love flicker. 

Finally, do the Love Languages Quiz to find out what your own love language is and what hers is. 

Armed with all that info, you two can get to know each other better and YOU can work on making her flame blaze--and hopefully likewise she can build up the fire of your flame too.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

smileyjay said:


> Ok it's been 5 months since the affair started and it has been ended for about a month. My DS wife says she loves me but she still is not in love with me. She says it's getting better each day but still not to the point where she is in love with me again. She also will not make love to me. She says sex doesn't mean that much to her, actions do. I am nearly fed up. What is your input on this subject. I do honestly believe she has ended the affair. She also says she wants so badly to be as much in love with me as she used to be. Do I give it time or do I end it now? Been married 13 years and have 3 children so I have alot to lose. This is the only time she ever cheated on me.


What does "DS" wife mean?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

DS = Disloyal Spouse. So his wife is the one who had the affair.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Also why did she stray in the first place?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

smileyjay said:


> Ok it's been 5 months since the affair started and it has been ended for about a month. My DS wife says she loves me but she still is not in love with me. She says it's getting better each day but still not to the point where she is in love with me again. She also will not make love to me. She says sex doesn't mean that much to her, actions do. I am nearly fed up. What is your input on this subject. I do honestly believe she has ended the affair. She also says she wants so badly to be as much in love with me as she used to be. Do I give it time or do I end it now? Been married 13 years and have 3 children so I have alot to lose. This is the only time she ever cheated on me.


Show her enough good actions until she's happy then. 

Be patient, be gentle, be polite, be fun & a new good man, so her love & passion will come back to you little by little. Show her that you are the man who has the qualities that she admires.


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