# wife wants to separate.....



## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Ok folks, I'm new here so be gentle with me! A little background first, We have been married 14 years, have one son together and I have raised my stepson since he was 5. I have been a good wage earner (one job for 20 years) I do all of the boys and my laundry, I cook most meals and keep the home and yard in neat order. I have been told by her that she no longer knows how she feels about me and wants to separate. I realize that I haven't been the best at giving emetional support and I have most likely have been taking her for granted, but the separation idea has come as a complete shock. Should I move out and hope and try for the best (I want my wife and marriage) or just go ahead and seek counsel from a attorney? :scratchhead:


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## jonnydee (Jan 14, 2009)

Sirch,

I'm not in the same boat, but I'm in a boat, like yours, that is damaged and floundering.

After 24 years and five kids, we are in the separation stage. I had initially moved out (for one day) because she asked me to for therapeutic reasons. Then today I decided no, I don't want to move out. I don't want to separate. I'd be careful about who moves out. Sounds to me like you've put a ton into this; don't give up your rights to the house and kids easily.

jd


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I would not agree to move out at this point. I would lean towards trying to get her to agree to marriage counseling where both of your concerns will be heard.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Some of this is very similar to my situation 2 years ago. I’m very good about cooking, cleaning…. But missed the boat on emotional support which lead her to an emotional affair. We are still recovering but the marriage is much stronger and we are together. I’ll go with Swede on this. Get to counseling, you are likely at the beginning of your jouney.


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

How is the communication? Do you know what she is missing? Are you open? Have you considered talking to a marriage tharapist?


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Thanks for the replies! Today I am moving out, it's going to be hard but maybe for the best who knows. We do plan on going to a therapist, meeting once a week to discuss things and have both agreed to not see anyone while we work through this. Everything has been amicable (no fighting or such). The communication has been alot better the last three weeks but she still says her feeling she once had are all but gone, she doesn't want to "pretend" anymore and feels this is best for her at this time. She does have alot of stress right now from her job, maybe my leaving will decrease the stress she has at home as well. I will post later how everything goes this evening.


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