# I need help



## Sunshinegurl (Sep 6, 2015)

I am thinking of divorcing my husband for almost 4 yrs. We have been married for only 4 years now, have 1 kid. 

The problem I have is that he lies everyday and it has been an ongoing issue for past 4 years. I recently found out he was flirting with one of his student at the academy on his instagram account. I don't know what they were talking about previously because its deleted so I can only see whatever wasn't deleted. He sent ❤ to her and sent some picture and my hubby asked, "what's in there" and this girl replied, " water & pxxxy" then 😝 this. So I confronted him and he said she's just an instagram friend that he never met before and all that but I was able to easily find out she was one of his student. But he kept on lying to be until I told him that I know she's a real person that lives in same city as us and she is a student at his academy. ( she's mid 30's) 

Anyways, I found out she is married with 2 kids and kept tagging my hubby on instagram on inappropriate posts. One of them were meme with the saying, "If I made you cum this year, I expect a christmas gift from you". I was speeachless.. there's more posts like these he was tagged..
I confronted hubby on this too and he says that this girl is crazy and says all these things to all her classmates and teachers. So he says it's normal, she's just a crazy girl. 

Just from these texts, I think they were for sure flirting or hiding something from me. 

Hubby tells me I am crazy to think that way. Am i crazy? I think I am totally normal.. there's much more to it than this incidents. I gave him lots of chances to change and be better hubby but all he does is to try and get away from the situation every single time.

Here are some other things that happened in the past which made me suspect him cheating on me.
1. Found condoms in his gym bag and in his car but he says he used it to masterbate n said its normal and some condoms had blood.
2. Found a proof he was looking for escorts on his business trip and he booked a hotel room that was not paid by his company as he wanted to stay in a hotel that is far away from where all his coworkers were staying. He kept insisting on his plan to call escort and have her over, he just wanted a freedom and wanted to stay away from his coworkers.
3. Goes out at night lying to me that he has work meetings and i found out he did not go to work meeting. Found out he withdrew 100$ cash at middle of the night but he insisted that was for filling up the gas.. his excuse was he needed a private time alone so he stayed in his car outside my house for 3.5 hrs from 10 pm.
4. Went to work during his work hour, one day I went to visit him at work and he was not there. I was told he took a day off. There were a lot of times he lied to me about taking vacation time and lied to me all about and went to "work" all day. 
5. Went to do business at a hotel with a single mom, saying he only did business nothing else. And this mom's son was already sleeping in bed. Insisted he did nothing and just did business but he lied to me all about it until I found proof. 

5. He has herpes, and he still denies this was from sexual intercourse even if it is genital herpes he insists that its airbone.. so I don't even want to toich him, it outbreak time to time, which i think he sleeps with some escorts or something that I dont even want to know. I see his medicine in my house or in his car.. he says it only out breaks bc he is tired and all that but not something else.. i don't believe anything he says.

There's much more to it but I cannot list it all, there is no trust in my relationship. I am suffering everyday from him and he treats me as if I am so obsessed with him with distrust and suspect and he swears to god he is innocent that all these things are in my head but nothing happened.

He claims that he did nothing wrong, never cheated on me and never did anything which deserves divorce. But I think what he is doing is so wrong and cheating on me, emotionally cheating and must be physically cheating too. 

I just have no proof that he did. 

I really want a divorce but he won't.. 

I can't waste my time investigating and not trust my hubby. I want to live a happy life.

Please advise..,


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

He's a cheater.

All his excuses are weak and pathetic.

You are right to think about leaving this poor excuse for a husband.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

You posted in September 2015 with a long list of his lies, using ****** *******, escorts, std's, see-thru underwear, Brazilian waxes, him not being where he said he'd be, extra hotel rooms, missing money, business meetings in bars, cheating before marriage. You were told to leave him, but you believed his multiple excuses, gaslighting, etc. over the 50 or so posters telling you to leave!

Talk to a lawyer now. He is laughing at you and how gullible you are. When he says he will change after saying he has done nothing, does that make sense? He is a LIAR, CHEAT, and going to give you something that will kill you. You do not need his agreement to divorce. Don't let him play with you like this. Your kid needs you. He does not.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

No one can be as naive as you seem to be. You have had proof for years--done everything but walk in on him. If you must, get a PI. Do not discuss your plans with him period.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What's going on with his student is not normal. As an instructor it's his responsibility to politely tell her to stop contacting him in that fashion. He could lose his job over what he's doing. Since he responds to her, he cannot put the responsibility on her. She's encouraging her to do this.

To be honest, if it was me, I'd send her a message saying that you are his wife and have seen the communications between them. It's inappropriate. His excuse to you is that " this girl is crazy and says all these things to all her classmates and teachers". And I'd tell her that you are going to give all that communication to her husband if she does not stop this inappropriate relationship with your husband.

Get copies of all the communication between them that you can. Then find out who her husband is so you have that info if you need it. If this nonsense between them does not stop, send copies of all the communication to her husband. Her husband will make sure it stops. Just be aware that her husband could take this to the acadamy and get your husband fired. So you don't want that to happen. 

Cheaters lie. Of course your husband is lying. He's a cheater. 

You really need to divorce this guy before he get you sick with STDs.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What's keeping you from getting out?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Dishonest sneaky people are more then a nightmare to be married to. In my mind it's a form of abuse. I wouldn't stay.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Why the hell are you still there?? Are you not aware that you DONT NEED his permission or cooperation to get a divorce?? Are you enjoying this life?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You don't need his authorization or cooperation to divorce.

He already knows he's cheating so you do not need to prove it to him.

You only need enough evidence for yourself and if you need certifying proof for yourself to know he is cheating then hire a PI and you will have absolute proof in a matter of hours because this is all blatant and in-your-face.

If you want to divorce him, divorce him.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Read your own post.
The end.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So many red flags here, sadly you have married a liar and a cheat. He is even putting your health at risk. 

Either you stay and spend the rest of your life with this awful man or you leave. If you can afford it then hire a PI.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*"The proof of the pudding is in the eating," but sadly, that is one dish you do not want to taste!

Get yourself to a good piranha family attorney and put an end to this schill of a marriage pronto!

He still thinks that he's pulling the proverbial wool down over your eyes!*


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You know he is a liar, you know he is a cheater, you know you need to divorce him but you lack the confidence and courage to take action.

Here's some insentive for you. If he is a professional in the academic field messing with students and hiring escorts while out of town at work functions at some point his world is going to blow up and as his wife you will go down in flames with him. 

He has put himself in a position to be blackmailed or terminated from his job and possibly legally prosocuted. As his wife you will suffer the same financial descrution as him, your social life will be ruined, you will face humiliations broadcast on the TV news and printed in the local papers. 

My advise is to use what evidence you have as leverage in a divorce. Force him to accept divorce on your terms or you will expose him. Consult an attorney before you make a move, make sure the attorney has your evidence. You may want to arrange a safe place to stay because if your husband becomes desperate and enraged it could become dangerous.

Talk with an attorney as soon as possible, you need an exit plan.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Sorry to hear that you are going thru this. It sounds like my first marriage. I fear your husband is a cheater. He will more like not admit to his behavior, make you feel like he wants you and that he loves you but he is searching at the same time, sad what these type of men will do as they ruin their marriage and tear up hearts. They do not stop either. You want him to change, you want to believe he is telling you the truth on all levels but you see his actions and that does not align with what he is telling you, it can be very confusing. When we are in a relationship with these types we are too close to the situation to see clearly as you have an emotional connection to this man. Have you ever known a male friend you knew was a cheating type? Did you see how he went from one woman to the next using his charm with little regard for them? This, I am afraid, is your husband. You deserve better. As hard as it might be, the best you can do for yourself and your child is to leave and not be convinced to return. Get help if needed. No worthy husband would be texting other women and when a lady sends this sort of thing via media she is making a statement, that statement is that he is hers. So there is something going on more than messages.


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