# I cant seem to understand my wifes emotional affair



## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

First of all Let me say Hello to every one. I`m an over the road truck driver,and my wife is having an emotional affair,maybe has been physical I `m not sure of that.It all started during the great flood of 2011. We were displaced and lost everything in the flood.I tried to make the best of things,but everyone we knew also lost pretty much every thing. We had a camper were we stayed but had to keep going to the shelter for water and things we didnt have my wife started doing some of our friends laundry,to help I had to leave out and was gone for about 3 weeks to try and make money, cause we were getting low.while I was on the road I started to notice my wife not calling me or txting me as much.Most of the time it was me that did the contacting and that used to not be the case. When I`d ask her why she wasnt calling me she`d say cause I thought you might be driving,I`d yeah but I have an ear phone, and she`d blow that off.Well to hurry this along,When I got back she had sold the small camper and was going to get a bigger one which was fine with me,in comes OM she had been talking to this guy and I knew him. She calls him to Help us move the new camper, I`m supposed to leave back out the following week. While we were there the man we bought the camper from knocked it off the jack and the hitch goes through my foot almost cuts my toes off. Now out of work cant walk. Here come OM he is a contractor for himself offers my wife work.she can build anything, better than some men she loves this type of work. I was a lttle leary of her working side by side with another man,but he has a girlfriend and they live together so I said okay I stared noticing little things at first like her going for long walks in evening and she always keeps that phone with her she never used to do that she txts him constantly and tell me she needs to know this or that about the job the next day. Now this goes on for 2 weeks all the time saying she loves me but shes to tired for sex becauses of working in the hot weather all day. I am getting cabin fever because I`m here most of the time by myself when she comes home she still outside doing something. I see her txting and talking on the phone outside. one morning she made a mistake and left the cell phone on the table I decided to look because I could tell she was lying to me sometimes. well the first out box txt was to OM HI GORGEOUS and somethng about a orgy. that was what I new all along I didnt want to read anymore and put the phone back. When she came back I could tell because I think she remmbered she had left the phone cause thats the first thing she grabed. I picked up my phone and dang my batterys dead can I use yours to call my boss and she fliped trying to erase those txt wait a minute she said. but of course I told her I`d alreay saw the txt. She said that those were just a joke an wouldnt do that anymore. But I pushed just a little more and she told me about a time while I was still on the road when he came over and they had talked about taking there emotional afair 2 the next level and she said that he said he new he could have her but that my friend ship ment more. She said, that they were just friends now< that is still up in the air as far as I`m concerned cause I asked her to cut the ties with him and she says we have to have money,We got in a bad arguement but I thought we made up she was up real late on the computer that night and I got up first she must have been tired because she left her facebook page up so I did the spy thing again and read her im messages to him they were talking bad about me and making fun of me that was like a sword through my heart Now I know my wife she will work a few weeks an quit a job,has done that sence Ive know her this is as long as I`ve seen her work,He brings her home last Friday with his girlfriend and asked If they could stay they had to leave where they were staying and I did the dumbest thing I let them stay.We were supposed to go fishing with them but the next morning my foot was hurting to bad to go but she went,also took our kids
His girlfriend bought my wife a concert ticket to one of my wifes faviorte singers I said I wanted to go but wanted some alone time with her I dont think thats going to happen anytime soon . They are gone now to get my ticket. I`ve noticed everytime she talks to him she has to involentary tuch him on the arm.When I said something about it to her she said she didnt realize she was doing that. she said shed watch what she was doing and it wasnt 2 hour before she did it again. I mean hes a nice guy to my face But he wont look me in the eye much and my wife now leaves the phone laying anywhere now I`m confusedand hurt by this anyone know what I should do and say because I love my wife dearly and she says nothing is going on with them but she`s lied to me and I`ve caught her I need some help thanks


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

First, thing here is get them out of your house period. Your W will for sure try to manage you but don't stand for it. Face it this POS is bad mouthing and making fun of you and now is the time to call BS on him. Don't even discuss this with your W. Qoute some of the BS the OM has said about you and *tell* your W that the OM is gone.

For sure this will piss your W off but if you want respect, you have to rub your chick the wrong way once in a while. I mean it man stand up and make it non negogable, they need to leave.

Second, ask your wife if she want to stay married to you, don't beg or plead for your marriage, but the simple statement of yes or no. If it is yes then set your boundries.

Boundries are the walls you put up to protect yourself from more pain. Boundrie are set to protect you from getting hurt again and again. They are not ment to control your W, she has the choice to stay married to you and respect your boundries or move on.

You can't control her, face it you can't. But you can protect your feelings by not tolorating her A. So it is always her choice to stay married with in the boundries that protect you and your marriage or she can move on with out you.

Remember don't beg or plead this will only empower her to continue with this unhealthy behaior. Show her confidence and the perseption that you are stong and have no problem in moving on with out her if she so chooses. Attidude is everything here you need to make her believe that she will for sure loose you there by second guessing her dicision in continue with the A.

Stay strong and now is the time not to take any sh~t, the both of them will for sure try to manage you, don't let it happen, don't let them control you by letting them label you as controlling, its all BS.

Simple stand up and take control of your own feeling by not tolorating her actions and having the confidence to move on with out her. It is her choice, lets hope she chooses wisely.


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

That a defenate thing I told him they have to leave .I will be able to leave myself as soon as I can walk again then I give her the NC but right now I`m like stuck. she has made sure I couldnt leave now by tearing up the transmission in my pick up truck. My brother will be home I about a week he is also an over the road driver. I stay at his house for a while and thanks for the reply The Guy


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thank god you have some support.

Even if your stuck you can still man up and set your boundries.

I know its hard when you physicaly hurt, it brings your self esteem down, I have gout and when I'm limbing around I don't feel as nearly as confident as I can be. So with that said just remember to push your self extra hard in having a positive and confident additude.

Its easy to get managed when you feeling down, I have a tentence to let my wife walk all over me. I just have to buck up and stand my ground, constantly dealing with being labeled controlling when in fact I'm only controling further pain my W may cause me.

When your bro. gets back or you leaving for good? You need a game plan.


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

I`m not sure I`m ready to give up on the marriage I love her and I know she loves me but I think I got to get away and give her a No contact till she stops the EA and agrees not to have anymore contact with him ever again no txt e-mails whatever.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Well thats good!
I strongly suggest you stay in the home! 
The last thing you want is enabling the A to be more convienent.

There is a statagy that will help do your research and make a game plan to fight this.

Just remember you need to make this A as uncomfortable and as inconvienent as possible. So please rethink your choice in leaving the maritial home.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Money or no money---its now to the point where your mge., is on the line

Either she completely goes NC, or tell her you will file for D.---No matter how bad things are---they will become a whole lot worse if she is out there on her own

She is acting inapropriately for a married woman, and it stops now---do not let her give you any more BS, about anything

She should be home doing things with you her H---no matter how bad things are in re: your life, and mge.

Put a stop to her interactions with this guy, once and for all

Also you should be able to look at her cellphone---once you took mge., vows, privacy doesn't exist for the 2 of you---you are spose to be an open book to each other----if she wanted privacy she should have stayed single


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

Thanks jnj express the money she makes isnt enough to sneeze at anyway, its time to do something right or wrong.you cant have mge without trust. 

but its going to be hard to go NC with him living right next door.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The OM's GF is an odd one here. Is she part of it? I mean is it possible she knows what's going on and is either ok with it or even participating? Are they possibly having threesomes, and that the orgy comment?

On the other hand if the GF isn't aware - could you get her onboard or threaten to talk to her if your wife doesn't return to the marriage?

The WW on FB saying nasty comments about you should not be tolerated at all by you. Not only is it hurtful and deeply disrespectful of the man she is marriage to, but allowing it is giving her permission to lower your position and raise up his. She is putting you down to the man she's pursuing. It's her way of showing the OM that she's available and choosing him over you.

You need to shock her into seeing what she's setting in motion here: Divorce!


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

For me there was a point of no return. Where trying to understand it led to the realization that there was no understanding it, because it was not something that occurred from any rational or prudent, or honorable frame of mind. 
It continues to this day. I divorce in two weeks, and she's more involved with other men now than ever before.
This is not the same person i married. Something happened, beyond my understanding, that will only serve to cause me a future of anger, bitterness, and hatred for her for as long as I try to understand it. 
I really feel sympathy for you finding yourself in this position. Please know that you maintained the role of an honorable man and husband, and that it was her choice to involve herself with someone else. People like that are not lacking the knowledge that what they are doing is wrong, just the ability to admit it.
Start building that wall, whether to seperate yourself from her, or to protect yourself from what she will become, but build it. 
I fear you may too have reached that point of no return.


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> For me there was a point of no return. Where trying to understand it led to the realization that there was no understanding it, because it was not something that occurred from any rational or prudent, or honorable frame of mind.
> It continues to this day. I divorce in two weeks, and she's more involved with other men now than ever before.
> This is not the same person i married. Something happened, beyond my understanding, that will only serve to cause me a future of anger, bitterness, and hatred for her for as long as I try to understand it.
> I really feel sympathy for you finding yourself in this position. Please know that you maintained the role of an honorable man and husband, and that it was her choice to involve herself with someone else. People like that are not lacking the knowledge that what they are doing is wrong, just the ability to admit it.
> ...


It's strange, but I was almost in this position, and somehow found the 'matrix' with my wife where she literally snapped out of years of games with me and our marriage. The key in my situation was when I said to her "I'm not afraid to leave you anymore. . . for years you operated under the pretense that I will never leave you regardless of what you do, but that is over and I will walk out that door and never come back if you don't wake up to what you have created". 

Unfortunately, not everyone experiences this cold bucket of water moment. But it can't hurt trying, if you haven't already tried hard.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Pipe---You are in a camper---its time to move, specially if he is next door to you

He needs to be out of your life completely---find another place for your camper, and do whatever is necessary, on your own, just the 2 of you---to make things work

If she won't do this, then you know your answer----its adios, time to leave, sayonara, chou, bye, see ya.---Let her know, you will not tolerate nor put up with any of this, for one more day

If she thinks he can take care of her better than you---then tell her fine, and I restate all my ways of saying good-bye


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

yeah, right next door they moved a camper in your right I need to move and this weekend gonna be a wild one I have a gut feeling.

I have taken OM and his girlfriends, offer to go to a concert tomarrow night. I`m going to just observe the two of them upclose
and watch the interaction between them to see how I`m going to lay down the NC. She thinks there nothing wrong with what she doing "We are just Friends" is the constant saying, I hear.


As for his girlfriend, she has had brain surgery and I dont think she no`s or cant comprehend reality. I`ve known her a long time she`s just a real nice person.


As for him, found out he`s been to prison for child molestation. now I worried about my 11 year old daughter.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

wholly crap a child molester - yes watch your daughter!!! He may be connecting with your wife to access the kid.


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

yeah Shaggy I ran him through state sex offenders list came back a match going to confront him about that reeeaaalll soon. Its starting to unravial slowly. For now in not letting anyone know I know.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Have you shared this info with your wife?


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

Not yet morituri I`m keeping that to myself for now .I will tell her after the concert tomarrow night. I want to observe there interaction at the show,


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Forget the observation---who cares---you know she is inaprpos with him, you know he is a child molester----what else do you want


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Then you better guard your daughter with your life.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Pipe - I don't know where you live, but in many places sex offenders are severely restricted on where they can live. They gotta be so far from schools, parks, etc. Anyplace there might be kids. 

So you may want to protect your daughter, but also tip off the people who run the place you're currently living. They just might be able to give him the boot! 

If you could anonymously let other people living there know about him as well then he could quickly find he is persona non grata with the community.

All the while you need to watch him like a hawk around your daughter.


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

Things are going to change, already got my plan talking daughter with me. She doesnt understand likethe girlfrind has bought my daughters clothes and things. tring to win her over wife thinks thats okay . I got a short run this morning. driving a auto shift for about six hours 

she calls me, wondering where I`m at. So I said on the way home, where are you,she said in town as I was going by mcdonalds and there they were setting in the truck . Now I`m upset I go on an do what I need to do. tell them pick me up cause your right there where Intown I just cant deal with her doing this to me anymore. I guess its jelousey, it looked like lunch date to me,


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Common pipe, out this predator to the authorities. Sex offenders don't have many rights for a reason. Use this to your advantage and get him gone.

he's not playing fair with you - so why should you?


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

Yeah I`m almost to the breaking point now Shaggy, the concert is tonight. and no MR. niceguy.A s far as my daughter goesI`m home with her because of the injury can keep a close tab on her.She said she doesnt like him being around her mother even working together. 
,


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

well went to the concert last night. wife was been all over me ,just like when we were dating. Now i`m so confused is this just a ploy to get my mind off the EA ?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

It doesn't matter the other guy is a sex offender, and he IS NOT TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR DAUGHTER----you are letting this go way to long

The sex offender's GF, is probably trying to buy you off by making it look like they are into you guys----just get rid of him----He has tendencies that could come out at any time----he was not put on the sex offender list for no reason---HE IS FRIGGING DANGEROUS, you have a daughter---this should have been dealt with THE VERY 1ST MINUTE YOU FOUND OUT


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## sam83 (Jul 23, 2011)

Protect ur daughter and tell very body in ur town about the guy what talking u that long expose this piece of sh** to everyone and see him suffering so u protect ur kid and everyone kids and get some good revenge in the same time great deal for u get it right now and don't delay it anymore


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

pipe1 said:


> well went to the concert last night. wife was been all over me ,just like when we were dating. Now i`m so confused is this just a ploy to get my mind off the EA ?


Yes. Disloyal spouses often use sex to cloud the perceptions of the betrayed spouse. If you're happy and you think everything is great in your marriage, you'll probably stop checking your wife's phone and PC. Don't fall for it.

Confront your wife today and tell her and everyone else that this man is a predator.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Smoke and mirrors
Granted she can go back and forth between you and OM, mine did.

It can also be looked at as cake eating....have her husband to treat her as a wife with security and stability, and show affection for that, but she still has her OM to treat her like a women with the excitement and thrill of sneaking around.

I also want to add, what an idiot the OM is, if he never would of dropped that hitch on your foot, you would have been at work, leaving the two of them to play. I think he did it on purpose!

Make no mistake the OM will use your wife as a conduit to your daughter


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Pipe, I don't know if there are other kids around besides your daughter - but if there are out this guy. He is a threat to every kid. These guys do the most horrible things to children, some of them even kill the kids. 


Stop playing watcher and get this snake out of there.


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## pipe1 (Aug 15, 2011)

Well I confronted them both with the child molester thing ,at the same time.she said she alreardy new, and he tried to explain the story to me, The guy is sick I told the cops he lived next door yhey wont make him move.

I don`t buy his story and dont belive wife and him are "just friends and coworkers,


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

I don't know if he breaking the law by being next to your daughter---but if cops won't do anything, then go to the dist. atty., and or the city atty---and threaten action agst the city---if the city gets involved the cops will have to do something, and the city doesn't need lawsuits, cuz they arn't doing their job, by monitering sex offenders.

Meanwhile you need to move with or w/out your wife----you don't really know the guys history, and don't believe anything he says---he is already trying to destroy your family, why believe him about anything else


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Move. Get a friend to help or something but move. As for your wife, you have to take a stand and she has to agree to NO MORE CONTACT AT ALL. If she won't agree, what options do have to take your daughter to - parents, close friends, siblings? Just tell your wife you can't stay with her if she continues contact and if she can't agree to NC, then your done. Ask her if her "friend" is worth that. I'm sure he has told her it was trumped up charges or a misunderstanding. Your not put on a sex offenders list without a conviction....so, it's real. Draw a line for her. If she crosses it, she values him more than you.


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