# Just do not know where to go from here.



## steeressed (Sep 20, 2012)

hey all, new here ill give you a brief history of whats transpired in my life as of the late, not looking for pity or anything just want to know what my next move is here..

we began dating 4.5 yrs ago, did long distance for 6 months then she moved to my city into my home about 4 yrs ago. we are 11 years diff her being 21 when we met and me 32. i had just got out of a 5 yrs abusive relationship (she emotionally abused me) and she was in a year long relationship prior to us connecting. physically she is everything i lust for a woman, her physical attributes are bar none what i want in any woman. she was very innocent and nieve when i met her. we fell for eachother very quickly and began seeing eachother exclusivly just after a few weeks. 

we couldnt keep our hands off eachother, i felt so loved by her and was the happiest i had ever been with a woman before. she felt the same way. when she moved here things kind of changed. we spent alot more time together and the honeymoon stage wore off. we found eachother fighting over house work chores etc more and more. i am the breadwinner. i am self employed and do well formyself, money stress is not even a question here. i took on 95 percent of the financial responsibilities. i gave her a 35k car to drive while i made the payments paid for all the house hold bills and basically never asked or expected her to contribute other than help out around the house. 

i asked her to marry me 2 years ago and she said yes. we had orginally planned on marrying this sept but with our families etc we couldnt agree on a location etc etc. we have been all over the world together, through my work i get perks and incentives so we have been alot of places over the 4 plus years. anyways...

a little back ground on me and her.. i was raised by my parents who have been married for 40 plus years. i have a strong family with good values and morals. she comes from divorce and alot of inter family drama her dad cheated on her mom for many years and divorced when she was 15. i have a saint for a mother. she is old school italian and takes care of the house while my dad worked and did the "outside" stuff, she had dinner on the table everyday, clothes washed and house spotless and never *****ed about it. 

times are different i realize this, i do not expect this of my ex or whatever she is now. but i did feel the need for a bit of apreciation. she is a great girl, very sweet very kind great heart and everyone loves her. but, she is a very jelous person and with my job i am in contact with tonnes of attractive women everyday and this i will explain later eventually got us to this point..


anyways, i felt used and taken advantage of over the years, the simple tasks of cleaning the bedroom up of all of her clothes was ignored eventually to the point of me moving all my stuff into the spare bedroom so she had more room to hang her clothes and put her things away. ive always been willing to comprimise but over the years of her not caring about my need for a clean house began to make me resent her. i became angry and alot of exchanges we had were me yelling at her. we fight like any couple but the fights were becomming more and more frequent. 

i have been caught lying to her a few times over the 4 years. i have taken responsibility for my actions and know that it had to be changed. i felt as though i couldnt tell her the truth because in the past whenever it was to do with other women she would hate on me for 2 to 3 days and play her head games with me. a month ago after a cellphone incident which was totally harmless she decided that was it and decided she wanted to leave the relationship..

i love this girl. we have been fighting non stop for a year. she has changed alot though now being 25 yrs old and her life is alot different than it was a few yrs ago. she wants more freedom and friends time but doesnt want to answer the simple questions from me as to where she is or when shes comming home, this to her is being possessive. 

so she was going to move out.. i pleaded begged did all the wrong things as i didnt want her to go. i didnt want to be alone. we have 3 cats and all i could think about is her taking our cats and me watching them leave in kennels, it literally made me tear up every time.(i know im a bit of a softy with these cats) i made alot of mistakes i know i did but i was desperate she had mentioned councelling before but i was too manly to ever consider it. i made a call and got into a therapist the next day. i wanted to see if my actions were deep ridden as to why i felt as though i needed to lie to her. anyway i explained to the therapist about what had transpired and she wanted to see us both. when i suggested to my ex that i wanted her to come at first she didnt want to have anything to do with it.. the therapist called her and she agreed to come. 

my ex wants her space. when i was there with her after the intial breakup she wouldnt sleep in the bed with me nor have hardly any conversation with me. but all i could do is talk about reconciling with her. she said the damage had been done and she was done with me. i couldnt accept it. we went to councelling and i agree to move out for one month into my parents house. she stayed at the house and we were to date again. we went on a few dates it was weird, i did all the touching and it just felt off. when we went home to watch tv or something i couldnt resist but to bring us up. it would always end up with me getting upset and saying stupid things. so here we are now 3 weeks lateer.. i had been texting her alot and emailing her through work everyday trying to alway see her and want to hang out. she just says i need my space. she has decided to move out, but hasnt found a place yet. i am slated to go back home next week. we went to therapy tues night and i wrote her a list of things i loved about her and my committment to fixing our issues. all i get is the coldness and basically her nose pointed in the air. when i ask her is she cares she says yes, if i ask her if she wants us to work out she says yes but her actions are far from it. we just had a blow out about an hour ago. i hadnt communicated with her for a full day and i was at home for a bit and she came home for lunch. i asked her again if she cared and she said ya, and i cnt recall exactly what was said but she then went on to tell me that her feeling havent changed and that she is doubtful they will. on one hand she says she hopes things will work out and the other she says basically she doesnt think she will. my intention was to not run into her today and i have made a committment to myself to not contact her till after the weekend. i know this girl still loves me but i have hurt her. she is a stone faced woman who does not show emtion at all. plus shes the most stubborn person i have yet to meet.. shes a gd girl but shes driving me insane.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Let her go.

Based on what you've described about her childhood and background, your relationship will get much much worse before there's any hope of it getting better.

Just be glad you're not married so you don't have to give away 1/2 of your assets.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

She was young when you got together. Now she wants space to live the life she feels she missed being with you. Give her the time and space. Don't keep contacting her and, for Heaven's sake, stop asking her if she still cares. You will just drive her further away. Let her miss you, but be prepared for the possibility that she might not. 

Think about what it is you love about her. All you have mentioned are her physical beauty and her faults. Is this enough to build a relationship on? 

You also said that you hurt her, but how? Through a cell phone conversation that you say she misconstrued? 

With all due respect, either you are not telling us everything, or there is something weird about your relationship. I would examine it very carefully before deciding that this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. You seem more upset about losing the cats.


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