# OUt of ideas



## pnra204 (Aug 9, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We met while she was in college studying for a teaching degree. Due to moving around and getting both our lives to come together she has taken classes off and on our whole relationship. We finally got settled back near our hometown and she took a couple of classes at the college nearby. That was about 6 months before our wedding. Since then she has not taken a single class. All she has left to complete her degree is 1 class and student teaching for a semester. Every semester I have asked if she is registered which has been met with either a "no, Im not doing it this semester" or flat out lies that she is in the process of registering only to find out that she has done nothing. I have tried calmly talking to her about the fact that she needs to work so that we can financially be able to do the things we want. I have a decent job but I dont make a whole lot of money after our insurance/savings comes out of my check. Finally I've had enough and we got into a pretty good argument about it recently and she basically informed me that she doesnt plan to go back and is fine at the $9/hr job she has. This was not the agreement I thought we had when we got married and I'm at a loss for what to do now. I love her dearly but her decision is going to cost us the life I had dreamed of when I first met her. Any advice?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you asked her WHY she's changed her mind? If its not a valid reason, I'd ask her how she's planning on supporting herself on $9/hour...

C
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## pnra204 (Aug 9, 2012)

I honestly cant get an answer out of her about anything. Im beyond frustrated and scared about the future now


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Be more specific. What does she do? And what are you scared of? How long did you date before you got married? How old are you two? What is her family like?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is an easy one. If someone misrepresents themselves before marriage it's fraud and you are not bound by that. I say this in contrast to people who marry fully knowing who their spouse is and THEN expect them to change afterwards.

She has stated clearly that she is NOT going to do anything beyond the $9 an hour job so now the ball is in your court. Is this a dealbreaker or not?


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## pnra204 (Aug 9, 2012)

She works in childcare. I'm scared that she is trying to weasel her way into being a stay at home mom, and we can't afford that. We dated for 3 years before getting married. I'm 29 and she's 25. She gets comfortable doing something and doesnt want things to change it seems, even at the detriment of our future goals (i guess I should say my future goals, I thought they were ours). As far as being a dealbreaker, I have to think about it for a while, but I'm hoping it doesn't have to come to that.


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

pnra204 said:


> I'm scared that she is trying to weasel her way into being a stay at home mom, and we can't afford that.


You may be right about this  I went through a similar situation.

I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear. 

Bottom line - Are you willing to leave her because she becomes a SAHM or has a paycheck that doesn't meet your expectations?
If the answer is no then you just have to make peace with your current situation. Thats what i did. When you just focus on a single thing you can easily forget the bigger picture. 

In my case, my wife is good looking, great mother, fiscally compatable and a great partner. So i just dropped the idea of her bringing home a paycheck. She can do it for herself whenever she wants too. Its not as if we are in a financially bad position or anything. Its just that in my quest to do better and better in life i was trying to put some of the burden on her.


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