# ShouLd oF known!!!



## furreal (Nov 11, 2011)

I posted on this sight about 2 years ago due to the fact my husband of 34 years was trying to tell me it was over!! He never actually said the words he just said things had to change was,nt sure but agreed and we moved on two years later. And here I am posting on this thread. It really really pains me to say that I have finally found out quite by accident that 6 years ago my husband had a brief fling as he calls it (approx 2 months)..my world just collapsed there and then!! That was July 7th one week before our 34th anniversary. He said he could not talk about it he was so ashamed there were tears I even left him for a period time , but after a lot of agonizing decided to give it another go! We have discussed it but not in great detail. But I have these terrible images that I just can't get out of my head. We have been together from the ages of 13 and 14 neither of us had ever slept with anyone else I truly thought we were soul mates!! I just feel so sad that he did this to us !! .will I ever get over this I find it so painfully I can't even wear my wedding rings!!are there any success stories out there to give me hope?


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Yes actually. In the other section, long term success in marriages. A lot of these long marriages have dealt with infidelity and gotten over it!!


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## Kanga (Sep 5, 2012)

Furreal, I am so sorry, I totally know how you feel.

Kipani, thank you I'll check it out too.


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## furreal (Nov 11, 2011)

Yesterday was not a good day! Had a lot of self doubt ie is it really me that turns him on or is it the thoughts of what he did with her !! Ahhh! he says it was just a mad fling a hiccup he calls it? He just does,nt get it I can't look at him the same , he will always of lost a little part of me! I have just been given the all clear from breast cancer I asked him was my diagnoses back in 2007 the reason he ended it with her? His answer was he ended it before then and the fact that he nearly lost me made him feel so bad he just could never tell me and tried to bury it! Yet it was during my recession period that he said he tried to tell me and felt that things could,nt go on the way they were. I had no idea how stupid was I!!! I still don't know all the details the little bit that he has told me I,m not even sure I believe especially the bit about who it was! I have had my suspicions since I found out that it was a so called friend of ours ( no longer in our lives ) but he Denys it and says I am really of track with that assumption. I know you will tell me to keep at him until I am believing of his story but I was,nt the only one that found out that day our daughter was there as well and she was so distraught that she point blank refuses to talk to him! In fact she wanted me to leave him , she was there with me while I was going through the initial pain.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

There is hope. I am at the one year point of where my wife had sex with the OM (Sept 9th 2011) for the first time. D-day was Nov 29th 2011. We just got back from the Virgin Islands and are buying our second house. I live in another city (since Oct. 2011) during the week. It has been hell but we are working things out. We have another trip planned to Cancun in early Nov. We got married in 1983 and I never dreamed my wife would have done this to me. She did something similar in 1999 and had a very sexual online EA in 2010. 

No matter how you slice it R or D it is hell. You can do it but just know that it is no easy way to walk through it.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> D-day was Nov 29th 2011.



I confronted on EA #2 on the exact same day...


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

furreal said:


> Yesterday was not a good day! Had a lot of self doubt ie is it really me that turns him on or is it the thoughts of what he did with her !! Ahhh! he says it was just a mad fling a hiccup he calls it? He just does,nt get it I can't look at him the same , he will always of lost a little part of me! I have just been given the all clear from breast cancer I asked him was my diagnoses back in 2007 the reason he ended it with her? His answer was he ended it before then and the fact that he nearly lost me made him feel so bad he just could never tell me and tried to bury it! Yet it was during my recession period that he said he tried to tell me and felt that things could,nt go on the way they were. I had no idea how stupid was I!!! I still don't know all the details the little bit that he has told me I,m not even sure I believe especially the bit about who it was! I have had my suspicions since I found out that it was a so called friend of ours ( no longer in our lives ) but he Denys it and says I am really of track with that assumption. I know you will tell me to keep at him until I am believing of his story but I was,nt the only one that found out that day our daughter was there as well and she was so distraught that she point blank refuses to talk to him! In fact she wanted me to leave him , she was there with me while I was going through the initial pain.


I know the pain knocks you sideways. You are in shock so don't be hard on yourself.

Just the shock stage can last for months so don't expect too much either.

Remember, there is no pressure on you to do anything and you need to just get yourself through from one day to the next.

Keep telling your husband how you feel. You not only *need* answers, you *deserve* them.

Be easy on yourself and remember: you owe your spouse NOTHING.


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