# Divorce, after 14 years



## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

Hey everyone,

I've been a lurker over in CWI for a while - my wife has a severe attention ***** problem. So, this last sexting episode is enough. I've been to one attorney, and have an appointment with another tomorrow morning. My main problem is that I simply don't have available cash to hire one, but I'm working on that as quickly as I can, and I'm getting help from family as well.

This is going to be mostly cut and dried - Nevada has a straight formula for child support, I don't have any retirement, just a couple of cars, and minimal household items/furnishings, which honestly, she could have all of if it came to that. Alimony, who knows, but the problem there is that just doesn't work. She's able enough, but won't do it, and hasn't had a real job of any length since '97. We've been married since 99 but together since before then. So, my income is around 90K, hers is zippo. And she only has a GED. My answer to that is that you can work, yes it'll be a crappy job, but that was your choice, and she was given plenty of opportunity to go back to school or other training, just never took it. The house is a rental, as well.

Just wonder how others have handled other parts of this - did you move out before filing? The bank accounts have been split for a while - one of her big time faults is a complete inablilty to manage money - so I split them when we moved here. What about bills/accounts that are in her name? Stop paying now? Does that "look bad" to a judge?

I don't know what she will do with regards to custody. Nevada encourages Joint, the kids are 14 and 15, both girls, and would probably choose to stay with her, out of her guilt trips as much as anything else.

I'm sure the attorney will have answers to these tomorrow, but this forum has been an excellent place to seek advice, even in lurking mode.

Thanks for the help/advice


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

You need to move swiftly to protect all of your interests before any official divorce paperwork is filed and everything becomes frozen. Do as much as you can now and get a lawyer. Divorce brings out the worst in people and you do not want to be in a position where you have to ask your spouse for a favor. Good luck.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

You are making the important first step, you are interviewing lawyers. Use the internet as well and search for Nevada's divorce statutes. Also look for some Dad friendly divorce forum's for some advice.

As for custody, you are still a Dad and should have at least 50% of the time with your kids. The courts may or may not listen to your children's desires, but you will have to ask the lawyer. But be straight up front with the kids, they are old enough to know what is going on. Give them the truth regardless of what your stbx has to say about it. Sure she may guilt trip them, but take the higher road and be the better person about it. Besides, if you are the breadwinner, it might play in being able to provide the kids a better environment to thrive (you have to spin this the right way).

Alimony you may be screwed as your divorce is over 10 years, check the statutes. You should be able to input her income as at least minimum wage, but not having her work for 15 years will hurt you. At the least, try to encourage her to go back to work. She is a grown adult and should be able to provide for herself.

Some other things:

- Do not move out of the house until custody is settled. Use an empty bedroom as your own and set up a little man-cave till the process is complete. Keep a padlock on the door to keep prying eyes out. This is to prevent any claims of abandonment.

- You have already separated your bank accounts, good move. You cannot stop providing for your wife, but scale it back to the basics - food, water, and other essentials only. No play money, that is why she needs a job.

- Make copies of any important documents and store them in a safe location (Deeds, titles, birth certificates, ect).

- Store any heirlooms or other important items (tools, hi-tech gear) you want to keep in a safe location as well.

- Define your goals for divorce (custody & assests). Create a strategy and plan accordingly. Drive your lawyer to get you what you want.

- Get a voice activated recorder and keep it running all the time, especially when you are around your stbx. The reason for this is to save your a$$ in the event the police are called for a domestic dispute. Most times the police will take the word of the female, regardless of if the allegations are true or not, and you get to go to jail for a while. You can use the VAR to play back to the police what actually happened. Obviously this is just in case, but never underestimate who you are dealing with.

- Just be prepared before you drop the bomb. Better to be safe than sorry, you want to be 10 steps ahead of the game.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

Thanks for the advice. I already have my passport and car titles, SS card, etc. in a safe place. I'm getting my bank account and Debit card number changed tomorrow.

I'm already alone in the bedroom, as she moved herself out into the loft of our home a little while back. It's not an untolerable situation, I just can't stand being around her, and it's not a healthy way to live, although honestly, she'd put up with it as it means she wouldn't have to actually do anything.

It's amazing (sad, really), that I stayed in this as long as I have. That's the only advice I can give - you typically know when things aren't going to work out. Do something THEN!

I asked for two things - respect the marriage, and look for a job. That was really about it, and she couldn't even do one of them.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

I went to an attorney today, and I really liked her demeanor and what she had to say. So, I've decided to retain her. She said what the other laywers and I have thought - it's likely I'm going to get hit pretty hard on alimony. 

It does suck that someone can do such terrible things and in effect be rewarded for it. But, it is what it is, and what can you do but learn, regroup and move on.


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