# Lose weight instantly! Ask me how!



## angelpixie

Shed the 180 lb. milling stone around your neck! 


Divorcée, newly minted and free to mingle.










My lawyer took my photo at the courthouse, but in spite of it being set to Auto-focus, they were too blurry. LOL



The story started in http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/52737-angels-journal-blog.html


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## angelpixie

Ex did not respond to my text when it was over. He's too overcome with regret and remorse, I imagine. 

Well, instead of taking part in the dance mob for which I've been practicing, I'm writing this. Why? Because we ended up having to wait through a bunch of criminal cases before we got in. I had to get on the stand and everything, which was kind of exciting. No courtroom theatrics, however. 

At least she is not charging me for today, which is a lovely bonus.

I still have a dance mob tonight, but I am disappointed that I had to miss the one on campus. 

So, umm, here I am... Life after Divorce...*looks around* So far, doesn't seem much different here. Well, I'll have to do something about that, I think.


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## BFGuru

You look so happy in this picture. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Enjoy the single life.


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## Orpheus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0pjGVyQtfI

welcome to the other side.

less talk about beniffer; more talk about angelfur.


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## K.C.

All you need now is some blue face paint, a Claymore and a Scottish accent!

FREEDOM!!!


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## Dollystanford

My sister from another mister...welcome to the club babes

:smthumbup:

I'm Free - Rolling Stones

I'll come over and we can go out cougaring now


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## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> more talk about angelfur.


Go ahead, nobody's stopping you.


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## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> My sister from another mister...welcome to the club babes
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> I'm Free - Rolling Stones
> 
> I'll come over and we can go out cougaring now


Wahoo!!


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## SpunkySpunky

Congrats,hoping to meet you on the other side soon 

Love ya, angel.


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## EnjoliWoman

I lost 230 pounds! In my state the schedule the signing of all the divorce decrees for a particular week. It may or may not be signed on that Monday, but certainly that week. I didn't have to appear.

Anyway, I LOVED the fact mine was scheduled for July 4th - Independence Day! Yeah, the courthouse was closed and it was signed that week at some point by a judge but I thought it was a fabulous indication of things to come!

Congrats! May this be more of a beginning than an end.


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## vi_bride04

Oh Angel! You look wonderful 

Congratulations on no longer being legally tied to ChinlessEx


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## NoWhere

I wondered how you could quickly get rid of unsightly, flabby, useless, disgusting weight that holds you back. Good job!

So do I have to wait awhile to start hitting on you or can I go ahead and launch my offensive?


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## K.C.

You have to admire a smooth and subtle approach.


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## cantmove

Dollystanford said:


> My sister from another mister...welcome to the club babes
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> I'm Free - Rolling Stones
> 
> I'll come over and we can go out cougaring now



Me too. Just let me know when and where!:whip:


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## cantmove

I officially lost my 215 lb.'s last week on the 6th, my moms birthday. Feels good doesn't it. Looks like February is turning to be good all the way around. :yay:


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## Dollystanford

NoWhere said:


> I wondered how you could quickly get rid of unsightly, flabby, useless, disgusting weight that holds you back. Good job!
> 
> So do I have to wait awhile to start hitting on you or can I go ahead and launch my offensive?


I love the way you describe it as an 'offensive'


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## angelpixie

So much for my meticulously planned day of post-Divorce-y goodness. You already know about the hearing postponement, how it made me miss my noon dance mob, etc. I hadn't planned on taking almost afull day of annual leave for all of this, either.
Well, I texted my STFC teacher to see if we were still on for drinks after class tonight, and not only are we NOT going for drinks, I am suddenly sub teaching tonight. She's been stranded in Idaho with car trouble and intermittent cell service since Tuesday and is just on her way back now. I offered to teach for her and she took me up on it, as she has a terrible headache. 

So, now I'm trying to get myself into the mindset of teaching instead of just letting myself listen to someone else tonight, lol.
Upside? NO BIEBER!!!! :rofl: And I'll get paid, too. 

But have no fear, TAM friends. There will still be drinking tonight. Oh, yes. There will be drinking. Might have to go with the original, original plan and uncork the Sauternes. 

I do believe the universe is trying to teach me to go with the flow a little more.


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## angelpixie

Just got back from the dance mob in the park. It was freeeezing out there (well, below freezing, actually). That was unfortunate for our muscles as they stiffened and our feet went numb while we listened to the speakers, lol.

Oh, the speakers -- two in particular. Both men from the community. They spoke so eloquently and with such heartfelt emotion about why they came to join us in remembrance of women in their lives who were abused or assaulted, and also for their daughters, who they hoped never would be. Many of us were in tears. 

It wasn't our best performance technically speaking (I know _my_ feet were numb by the time we got up on the stage, lol), but the energy was amazing. I think I am going to try to make the last one tomorrow. I talked to two women from my contra group who were there tonight. They're planning on going to the advanced contra workshop tomorrow as I am, so we may ride over to the University together to dance after the Vagina Monologues. Should be a little warmer, too. 

I've been very grateful to have been involved in this. It has been really wonderful to see so many females from little girls to senior citizens turning out and taking part in this. There were times when someone would break down during a practice from remembering something she or a loved one went through, and the love was just so evident. It was a very moving experience for me. I hope they do it every year, or until the violence stops.


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## angelpixie

Had fun at STFC last night. One of the regulars brought her mom along. I can.not. imagine. bringing my mother, lol. I can't imagine what she'd say if she knew I was taking/teaching this class. Probably endless lectures about going to hell.  I know I wasn't on my game last night, but we still had fun, and they said they really appreciated that I took the class on such short notice instead of canceling, so that was sweet. And again, props for my music.  In fact, after the one woman's mom left, we sat around exchanging our favorite 'dirty' dancing songs, lol, and agreed that we all love our teacher and hate J.B. We're trying to figure out a nice way to get her to play different stuff. It was fun. One of the women was still very unsure of herself, and trying to not be so intent on getting everything perfect. I think the other 'regular' and I are going to try to help her out. Both of us were in the same spot not so long ago. It really is so important to be OK with yourself. I can see how those feelings of self-hatred, whether it's of one's physical appearance, intelligence, social skills, etc., are just a vicious circle; self-fulfilling. And it's a struggle every day to quiet those voices down. But as that changes, the feeling of liberation is amazing. 

So starts the new life of AP. :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

And, DS made me an adorable Minecraft valentine. Actually created several different pictures that he took screenshots of with captions and emailed to me. It was very timely, too: Had a big 'I love you' in a field of snow, created out of redstone of course, and our 'new' house...which was unfortunately blown up by creepers. Oh well, he is 10 years old. :rofl:


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## Freak On a Leash

:smthumbup: Congratulations! Beats a course at Weight Watchers anytime.  Unshackle that ball and chain and dance the night away! Life is good.


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## Freak On a Leash

angelpixie said:


> And, DS made me an adorable Minecraft valentine.


You play Minecraft? Cool! My son loves that game.


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## angelpixie

Freak On a Leash said:


> You play Minecraft? Cool! My son loves that game.


No, I confess, I don't play, but DS is totally into it.


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## Freak On a Leash

Yep, my son too. He got a "Creeper" T shirt for Christmas. 

I play World of Warcraft. :smthumbup:


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> No, I confess, I don't play, but DS is totally into it.


My youngest, 11, is totally into it along with Skylanders. Fortunately he also likes to go out and play sports.

Ok, as usual, dense me... slow to every party. Waiting over in Angel's blog, duh. Clueless. 

I made it. Probably be late to my own funeral. 

Congratulations. Save your pennies (you too Dolly even though you say its too far)... I will find you some Tanned, Muscular, Polynesian men.


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## muskrat

Congrats AP, You have a great future to look forward to now that the trash has been taken out.


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## OldGirl

I'm very happy for you, Angel. You're inspiring as always.


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## angelpixie

We did our final dance performance at the end of The Vagina Monologues tonight. I've never seen it before, and saw the 2nd half. It's horrifying, blunt, and emotional. It's also very funny and I totally admire the guts of the young women up there performing. This time, I was up on the stage with everyone else. There were a ton of us up there, and I knew there had to be people in the audience who knew me. I was right. But not in exactly the way I expected. Yes, there were women I knew from my group at the Y who were there and called out to me when we came down off the stage. But after I got my stuff from backstage, and was walking from the cast entrance around to the lobby, I kept getting people coming over to me and giving me hugs, telling me that they were so glad to see me up there, and that they were proud of me. I don't even know who all of these people were, but they knew me! Not just saying something nice as I walked past, but walking out of their way to talk to me. I am still amazed and overwhelmed. 

As I left the theatre to walk to my car, it just all started to hit me, and by the time I got to the car I just sobbed. I thought about how, in the past, doing something like this that meant so much to me would have been something I'd have wanted to share with him. But in fact, I was up there doing this _because_ of him. When I was with him, there was no way I could have allowed myself to be seen or exposed to that degree. I'd gotten to the point of walking down the street with my shoulders hunched, looking at the sidewalk, not trying to take up space or get in anyone's way or be noticed. 

I don't know exactly how to explain it, but it's like...these people, who didn't have to reach out - I mean, if they hadn't, I'd never have known the difference, _but they did_ - were telling me that I didn't need him, because they were there - that there's so much more to my world than what I had with him. That I am a person on my own.

He was the only person I'd ever told about my f'd up situation with my mom. I told him everything. I thought he really understood. For the first time, I'd felt hope for my future. I could regain what I'd lost and then gain even more. When he turned out to be even worse, the betrayal was horrible. Tonight, I felt like it was another step to getting my self back. Taking back parts of me that I had to leave behind, or bury altogether just to survive. I'm sure this sounds really hokey to some of you. I didn't expect this to affect me this way. I thought it was symbolic that it happened to be the same week as my divorce. But even if it wasn't, the reason behind what we were doing really affected me inside, even though I've never been beaten or sexually assaulted. I still felt like a big part of me was taken both as a child and then in my marriage. I've been working through that, and grieving, and now I'm filling those empty holes up with what should have been there all along. 

At first, it reminds me that there's a hole in the first place, and that hurts again for a little while. But then, I experience the kindness and love that I felt tonight, and ... words just fall so short. 

I feel like no matter how hard things are from now on, they won't ever be as bad as they have been. I know I have a right to take up space. I have a right to my voice and my feelings. And as long as I never forget that, I will be OK. 

I knew this would be important and good for me to participate in to honor others I knew who'd been abused and assaulted, but not that it would be important on such a personal level.


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## Ikaika

Angel you are important and you have value.


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## OldGirl

It feels so inadequate to just 'like' such a wonderful introspective post. Didn't sound hokey at all to me; moved me to tears.


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## K.C.

Words fail me. Very moving and as always inspiring.

/Hugs


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## TBT

You always have me marveling Angel! 

I Ain't Down Yet - YouTube


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## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> I kept getting people coming over to me and giving me hugs, telling me that they were so glad to see me up there, and that they were proud of me. I don't even know who all of these people were, but they knew me! Not just saying something nice as I walked past, but walking out of their way to talk to me. I am still amazed and overwhelmed.
> 
> As I left the theatre to walk to my car, it just all started to hit me, and by the time I got to the car I just sobbed. I thought about how, in the past, doing something like this that meant so much to me would have been something I'd have wanted to share with him. But in fact, I was up there doing this _because_ of him. When I was with him, there was no way I could have allowed myself to be seen or exposed to that degree.


not married any more. you were up there for you. because of you. those people were rewarding you for your actions. your ex doesn't enter into this except for where you insert him.

glad for your evening's successes. monumentally so. but at least give yourself credit for the things you've done for you rather than muddy the waters, AP.


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## Dollystanford

I have to agree with Beaker on this one. What has actually happened is that you've removed the thing that was stopping you from expressing your true nature

So you are not there because of him, you're there because you're free from him. This is the real you - embrace it, you're pretty kick ass


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## angelpixie

To clarify, I wasn't up there because I still consider myself married to him. Or anything of the sort. It was, for lack of a less New Agey-sounding phrase, sort of a ceremony of breaking away. The refrain of the song was 'Breaking the chain' and I hadn't seen that as applying to me as much as I saw it applying to others. But last night I did.


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## Orpheus

Curious then that it isn't written as liberating. No?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

It was, O. It did feel that way, too -- there were many levels of emotion going on in those moments. Just being able to do it at all was absolutely liberating! What happened after was what set me off, I think. 

When all is said and done, this is a demarcation for me. Every bit as important as being on the stand in court and saying that it's all over. 

And I still haven't actually cried about being divorced. I find that interesting, from an observational standpoint.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> It was, O. It did feel that way, too -- there were many levels of emotion going on in those moments. Just being able to do it at all was absolutely liberating! What happened after was what set me off, I think.
> 
> When all is said and done, this is a demarcation for me. Every bit as important as being on the stand in court and saying that it's all over.
> 
> And I still haven't actually cried about being divorced. I find that interesting, from an observational standpoint.


This is not to highjack your thread... but Angel, I did not cry (have never cried) when my father and then later when my mother died. I definitely felt something, but crying was never part of what I felt. On the other hand when my sister died, I cried for days on end. On the anniversary of both her birthday and death, I still shed a tear and it has been over seven years. 

I think it is hard to cry about something that has taken more from you than has given to you. I don't think strange or unusual.


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## angelpixie

That is interesting, D. I cried very, very little when my mom died, too, come to think of it.


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## OldGirl

TBT said:


> You always have me marveling Angel!
> 
> I Ain't Down Yet - YouTube


The Unsinkable Angelpixie!


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## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> It was, O. It did feel that way, too -- there were many levels of emotion going on in those moments. Just being able to do it at all was absolutely liberating! What happened after was what set me off, I think.
> 
> When all is said and done, this is a demarcation for me. Every bit as important as being on the stand in court and saying that it's all over.
> 
> And I still haven't actually cried about being divorced. I find that interesting, from an observational standpoint.


I didn't shed one tear over the actual divorce itself

I stopped crying three weeks after he left and despite perhaps two seriously wobbly lips after that I haven't cried at all

I know i'm old emotional retard Dolly but sometimes, when you know deep down it's the right thing for your peace and sanity those tears just won't come, however much you think they should....


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## angelpixie

And I've cried gallons of tears already since this all started. I think I've been cried out over him and this split for a while. My tears lately have been about different things.


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## angelpixie

Forgot to post about looking at houses yesterday. We had a marathon session looking at 4 in less than 2 hours. The last one may be a keeper. Right age, right school, enough space, wood floors, and...an apartment in the basement. It doesn't have it's own separate entrance, so whoever lived there would have to come into the house to use the back door, but I'm sure I could find someone to rent it, and that would give me a little extra income. It has two single car garages, one of which I can convert for use for my business, and it has a nice big yard in back with garden plots already set in, and an apple tree. 

It's just outside my borrowing limit, but the roof needs work, and they're giving enough of an allowance for that, bringing it down to within $2k. The roof is very simple: shallow pitch, no dormers or anything funny. Single story house. Depending on how many layers of shingles it already has, I could probably do it with my dad and brother. 

My realtor gave me the name of a mortgage broker who might be able to help me get an FHA loan with the extra amount for home improvements added in. I'll be calling him on Monday. It has all those quirky things that old houses have. Including this awesome red marbled lino in the kitchen. Love!!! Would be fantastic with my vintage grey marbled Chromecraft table.  I have an old set of these as my everyday dishes, and they are the inspiration for the color palette.










This could be my mid-century marvel. I'll invite you all over for Mai Tais or Highballs, and we can put a few records on the hi-fi. 

And, no, this one's not pink, lol.


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## daisygirl 41

Angel- you look GREAT!
Onwards and upwards!

Ps. I lost 20 pounds when H moved out. He's been back 11 months now and it's all gone back on, damn him, I'm sure he's a feeder!!! Lol!
Xx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman

angelpixie said:


> Forgot to post about looking at houses yesterday. We had a marathon session looking at 4 in less than 2 hours. The last one may be a keeper. Right age, right school, enough space, wood floors, and...an apartment in the basement. It doesn't have it's own separate entrance, so whoever lived there would have to come into the house to use the back door, but I'm sure I could find someone to rent it, and that would give me a little extra income. It has two single car garages, one of which I can convert for use for my business, and it has a nice big yard in back with garden plots already set in, and an apple tree.
> 
> It's just outside my borrowing limit, but the roof needs work, and they're giving enough of an allowance for that, bringing it down to within $2k. The roof is very simple: shallow pitch, no dormers or anything funny. Single story house. Depending on how many layers of shingles it already has, I could probably do it with my dad and brother.
> 
> My realtor gave me the name of a mortgage broker who might be able to help me get an FHA loan with the extra amount for home improvements added in. I'll be calling him on Monday. It has all those quirky things that old houses have. Including this awesome red marbled lino in the kitchen. Love!!! Would be fantastic with my vintage grey marbled Chromecraft table.  I have an old set of these as my everyday dishes, and they are the inspiration for the color palette.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This could be my mid-century marvel. I'll invite you all over for Mai Tais or Highballs, and we can put a few records on the hi-fi.
> 
> And, no, this one's not pink, lol.


The kitchen floors sound cool! That's why i hate my all white kitchen! No funds for a new counter top yet.

Check your local building code on the # of layers of shingles. You don't want to be out of code should you want to sell 10 years down the road. Usually two is all of the weight that is recommended. In my county, however, the construction lobbyists got a law passed that you had to strip of ALL old shingles (more labor hours cha-ching) so I lost that insulation value.


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## angelpixie

That's just what my realtor is checking on , EW. Two is the limit here as well. We couldn't tell how many were on there by looking. 

They passed the same kind of law where my dad and brother live, too, PLUS you can't do it yourself. So, I'm glad I still might have some options open.


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## angelpixie

Grrrrroan. I think I'm getting a cold, plus I am achy. I was the coordinator for contra last night, so I had to get there early and move these giant old wooden tables out of the hall, the move them back after the dance (with help of course), plus put up & take down lights, decorations, etc. Then sleeping on my sofa was the nail in the coffin.

My kingdom for a back rub.  After DS leaves, I'll pop the heater into the bathroom for a while and have a hot soak. First shift on my feet at the film festival tonight, too, then a double one tomorrow. Ack!


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## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> pop the heater into the bathroom for a while and have a hot soak.


Sure, what could possibly go wrong?


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## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> It has all those quirky things that old houses have. Including this awesome red marbled lino in the kitchen. Love!!! Would be fantastic with my vintage grey marbled Chromecraft table.  I have an old set of these as my everyday dishes, and they are the inspiration for the color palette.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This could be my mid-century marvel. I'll invite you all over for Mai Tais or Highballs, and we can put a few records on the hi-fi.


*:bounce: Yay - party at Angel's!*









*I'll bring the deviled eggs *


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## angelpixie

angelpixie said:


> I'll pop the heater into the bath*room* for a while and have a hot soak.





Orpheus said:


> Sure, what could possibly go wrong?


'Room,' not 'tub.'  You know, just long enough to keep the bathwater from turning into a skating rink. :rofl:


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## angelpixie

OldGirl said:


> *:bounce: Yay - party at Angel's!*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *I'll bring the deviled eggs *


This is one of my favorite sites! A compilation of the most horrible vintage recipes and photos. Bon appetit! 

LILEKS (James) Gallery of Regrettable Food


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## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> This is one of my favorite sites! A compilation of the most horrible vintage recipes and photos. Bon appetit!
> 
> LILEKS (James) Gallery of Regrettable Food


*Dessert! :rofl:*


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## angelpixie

OH. MY. GOD.


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## K.C.

*Re: Re: Lose weight instantly! Ask me how!*



angelpixie said:


> OH. MY. GOD.


Nothing wrong with that pic. Its ya mind that's dirty.


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## NoWhere

Could use a couple of small oranges (cuties) at the base to support it.


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## OldGirl

Hey, it's a candle!


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## vi_bride04

Hmmm I REALLY want some fruit all of a sudden


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## angelpixie

Well of course - my thread is all about encouraging healthy eating behaviors. :smthumbup:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Got word today that the other people interested in the house have declined the counter to their original offer. They are investors and don't intend on living there, and the sellers want it to go to someone who will occupy it.  Spent more time at the house this afternoon, giving it a more detailed lookover. I spoke to my dad in MN, and he gave me a good checklist. With the exception of the roof (which we knew about), everything that we can see looks good. Of course we'll have it inspected. The windows have all been replaced with energy efficient ones. No signs of leaking or water damage anywhere (having a mold allergy comes in handy sometimes, lol). The wiring was all updated when the basement apartment was set up. I'm going to get copies of the utility bills. The furnace and water heater look to have 5 years apiece on them, and both have recent inspection tags. 

The realtor and I were both able to speak to the alternate mortgage guy today, even though it's a holiday. I have tentative FHA approval based on what I've been able to tell him over the phone. I'll have my other bank mortgage banker send my file to him tomorrow. Then we're going to cobble together an offer and place it tomorrow. I can cover the entire mortgage myself, even if there wasn't the chance to have a renter downstairs, and possibly rent one of the two garages to someone. That's not counting income from getting my shop out of hiatus and back online. Nothing really _needs_ to be done on the inside. It's all been freshly painted and has been very well cared for, so any painting I'd do would just be to put in colors that I prefer. The wood floors could use a new sanding/varnish job, but that's not an immediate need, either. 

If we can cobble together the set aside that FHA will require for the roof and satisfy them, I'll still come in at my approval limit, which is a comfortable payment for me. My dad has commited to float me the money I would need to have now while I'm waiting for my QDRO to clear after the divorce.

Of course, it will all be contingent on results of the inspection, roof replacement estimates, etc. I'm not locking myself in to anything yet. I'm just staking a claim. 

Wish me luck - that this turns out the way that would be best for DS and me. If this house isn't right, and there's a better one out there or there will be soon, I will wait for it. But this one has all that I need, and then some. 

I'm cautiously optimistic.


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## K.C.

Sounds greay. Hope it pans out.


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## angelpixie

Well, I got a preliminary approval for FHA financing, and we made an offer. They have until 6 p.m. tomorrow night to respond. The seller's agent slipped and told my agent that the sellers are willing to take an offer within a particular range, and our offer is within that range. The mortgage broker and my agent are doing their best to get the sellers to chip in for things like closing costs, etc., to save me whatever they can, so that's nice. She put in a lot of conditions under which I can cancel the buy/sell and get my earnest money back. Keeping my fingers crossed that whatever is best for us will happen.

Got very emotional again while at my Y group tonight. I think it's just coming down from a pretty stressful and emotional day. I'm going to treat myself to a little wine, music and a cuddly blanky after DS goes to bed. 

My two best friends are taking me out for an early birthday lunch tomorrow.  The restaurant is not too far from the house, so they want to take a detour so they can peek through the windows. 

And DS is already planning the housewarming party, though I'm telling him not to get his heart set on this house. He thinks he's going to invite all of his friends, including all the regular attendees of the Y kids' group, to party in the basement, while the adults get the upstairs. I don't know about this....sounds like we could have a few arrests within a very short time of moving in...  :rofl:


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## angelpixie

XH just stopped by to drop off a big piece of birthday cake from posGF's surprise 13th birthday party (cuz everyone's been telling me she looks like she's 12 :rofl. Big enough that we can split it. Um. Are you f'ing kidding me?! 
I'm frankly surprised he came by. He purposely didn't see DS after school until Y group time (as is our usual schedule) because he was preparing for her party. They're leaving for the romantic b-day getaway first thing tomorrow morning and won't be back til Friday night. So he won't see DS (or talk to him because there's no service where they're going) for til Saturday afternoon just because of the grand celebration of posGF's birthday. 
When it was getting past DS' bedtime and he hadn't even called, I was pretty upset, but didn't say anything to DS. I still think it was rude to just pop in on us without calling or anything. But at least he did make an effort to see DS. That's good.

Another upside. He arranged to do promo photography for the fencing club, so DS get's 6 months of free lessons. Just found out tonight. Yay, XH. I'm frankly shocked. But good for DS.


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## Dollystanford

My gosh, he's had a personality transplant 

Or is that implant?


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## Lifescript

Congrats on the divorce angel. I was wondering where you had gone.


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## Lifescript

angelpixie said:


> I feel like no matter how hard things are from now on, they won't ever be as bad as they have been. I know I have a right to take up space. I have a right to my voice and my feelings. And as long as I never forget that, I will be OK.


Yes. You will be OK. You are amazing Angel. I have been reading some material online about how people are afraid to die which is understandable but also are afraid to live. Don't be ashamed of taking up space in the world. We are all here for a reason and deserve all the good things we get.


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## angelpixie

They accepted my offer.


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## Dollystanford

Go Shakey!


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## EnjoliWoman

:yay:


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## vi_bride04

Oh Angel! I'm so excited for you!!!! Hope the rest of the process goes smoothly.


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you! I think I'm still kind of in shock, lol.


----------



## Orpheus

Best of luck, Mrs. Blandings.


----------



## jpr

This is so exciting, Angel. I am so happy for you and your son.

A brand new life...and you can pretty it up just as you please. ..make it your own.


----------



## Dollystanford

I think you should dedicate each room to a TAMmer and decorate accordingly

Obviously one of them has to be me now as it was my idea

My room will probably require a disco ball

Bathroom?


----------



## NoWhere

Orpheus said:


> Best of luck, Mrs. Blandings.


I'm curious how many people catch this reference.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> I'm curious how many people catch this reference.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, of course, I did.  

Mrs Blandings Chooses Paint Colors For House - YouTube


----------



## jpr

Lampshade for my room.


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> I think you should dedicate each room to a TAMmer and decorate accordingly
> 
> Obviously one of them has to be me now as it was my idea
> 
> My room will probably require a disco ball
> 
> Bathroom?


Really? The bathroom? Hmmm, we'll just have to be careful to never invite Sassie. 

I'll bet it will the only house in town with a disco ball in the bathroom. :rofl: I'll get a mirrored shower curtain to show it off to best effect. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

jpr said:


> Lampshade for my room.



That is awesome, jpr!! I'll trim it in fleece.


----------



## Dollystanford

jpr said:


> Lampshade for my room.


oh lord, will that not clash with your ruddy complexion


----------



## jpr

angelpixie said:


> That is awesome, jpr!! I'll trim it in fleece.


YESSSSSSS!

:smthumbup:

DoubleThumbsUp!


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Really? The bathroom? Hmmm, we'll just have to be careful to never invite Sassie.
> 
> I'll bet it will the only house in town with a disco ball in the bathroom. :rofl: I'll get a mirrored shower curtain to show it off to best effect. :smthumbup:


Mirror


----------



## Dollystanford

Who lives in a room like this..... 

Painted in tones of charcoal and slate

Wisps of smoke picking up the dust motes

Bottle of whisky on a table in the middle of room

Man pensively looking out of window at solitary tree in the distance


----------



## angelpixie

Hmmmm......it's on the tip of my tongue.....I can almost see him....Orrrr not.


----------



## angelpixie

More decor for Dolly's bathroom:

Baubles to catch the light:










Shiny shower curtain:










Mirrored shower curtain hooks:


----------



## Dollystanford

Happy Birthday Angelface!!


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you, Ms. GMT!! 

It seems appropriate to bring this one out:


----------



## Orpheus

wanted to give you a little birthday kitty before i head off for the great napyard...










couldn't kitty you up because of stupid TAM filters. So I 70s-ed you instead.


----------



## angelpixie

OK, some house pics. You can see that the wood floors need re-doing, but my dad just did my brother's, and he said he'd help with mine.  

Front:









Back (shows the fake dry creekbed and stone bench thingies pretty well. Raised beds on either side, and garden plot between the 2 garages. Apple tree. 









DS' room. We get the desk. It's cool and old and heavy. Part of it lifts up and a lower surface raises where a typewriter used to be stored. I'm trying to figure out if I can make it into a sewing machine table, lol. 









My room. And I actually have a vanity almost exactly like that, except with waterfall edges and brass drawer handles. 









Living Room:









Two views of the kitchen. I don't get the dishwasher, but that's OK. 
















And this is the downstairs apartment kitchen:


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> wanted to give you a little birthday kitty before i head off for the great napyard...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> couldn't kitty you up because of stupid TAM filters. So I 70s-ed you instead.


That is a boatload of awesome, right there. :smthumbup: Thank you, sweetie.

Though I am verrry curious what you had planned that the filters wouldn't let through....










ETA: that 'raised eyebrows' gif is kind of wacky, lol


----------



## Orpheus




----------



## angelpixie

I'm staring daggers at you right now.


If you were nearby, I'd be throwing them.


----------



## angelpixie

Awww, I just got an _official_ TAM birthday email. How did they know?


----------



## Lifescript

HBD Angel!


----------



## TBT

Happy Birthday Angel and many,many more!!


----------



## angelpixie

Looking at the ads on CL for furniture, appliances, etc., for the first time in over a year. Always good for a laugh or two. 

Trying to decide how much the gas would be to do the 150 mi round trip for the perfect 1960s mid-century sofa that's selling for only $25...And will it fit in the Subi... Decisions, decisions...


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

A birthday message for you, AngelPixie. CONGRATS!

Vocaroo | Voice message


.


----------



## Ikaika

Do I get one of those voice msg on my birthday SGW?


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

Of course, Coach D!

Just tell me *when*!


----------



## Dollystanford

Angel, I've found your new fridge/freezer


----------



## Orpheus

It's your birthday!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=A8-pLlK_H-w


----------



## Ikaika

Hau 'oli la Hanau Angel


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> Awww, I just got an _official_ TAM birthday email. How did they know?


 I got one of those last week too. Pretty cool actually.


----------



## OldGirl

*Have a wonderful birthday!*


----------



## OldGirl

Since Dolly gets the bathroom, can I have the bar? We could throw some swell parties


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

*NoWhere:* Belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

*Dolly:* You should post that on the 'dieting' thread; that would make people NOT want to eat!

*Orpheus:* That is one depressing (although copyright-free) birthday song!

*AngelPixie:* TAM didn't send ME a birthday greeting in December. Huh, maybe that was right after I upchucked a lot of anger on the moderators.......ya think?


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> It's your birthday!!!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=A8-pLlK_H-w



Librarian-appropriate greetings at that! (Copyright always a scintillating topic of discussion in these parts )

The new song takes the 'cease and desist' out of birthdays. :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

oh my god I can't believe you're dissing HRH Kate, Princess of all our Hearts!!!!!


----------



## angelpixie

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> A birthday message for you, AngelPixie. CONGRATS!
> 
> Vocaroo | Voice message
> 
> 
> .


:rofl::rofl::rofl: Love it, SGW! Thanks!


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Hau 'oli la Hanau Angel


I'm assuming that means Happy Birthday.  Thanks, D!


----------



## angelpixie

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> *AngelPixie:* TAM didn't send ME a birthday greeting in December. Huh, maybe that was right after I upchucked a lot of anger on the moderators.......ya think?


*whispers* I think they're trying to make it up to me for banning me unjustly.


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> I got one of those last week too. Pretty cool actually.












Happy Birthday, NW -- how come none of us knew about this? Hm?


----------



## angelpixie

OldGirl said:


> Since Dolly gets the bathroom, can I have the bar? We could throw some swell parties


Thanks for the Bday wishes, OG -- and you can set up bar in my place anytime!! You'll bring a little class to the joint!


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

Birthday delivery for AngelPixie:










.


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## Orpheus

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Just tell me *when*!


fwiw, my birthday was just a couple of weeks ago. ...if you're handing out saucy, smokey late-night bromides.


----------



## Orpheus




----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I'm assuming that means Happy Birthday.  Thanks, D!


It does... Giving you a Hawaiian blessing on this special day, your 27th birthday


----------



## Dollystanford




----------



## OldGirl

Dollystanford said:


>


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

Okay Dolly, that birthday cake leaves almost nothing to the imagination.


----------



## Dollystanford

Oh Drerio...now that's just a challenge to post one even worse

Warning: do not click this link if you are easily offended

Angel's real cake


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

Hey, Dolly, how fun can that Barbie be? ...she's still got her panties (knickers) on!


BTW: I guessed the cake link!


----------



## Ikaika

Dollystanford said:


> Oh Drerio...now that's just a challenge to post one even worse
> 
> Warning: do not click this link if you are easily offended
> 
> Angel's real cake


So is that cake to be eaten? Is it a cream filled cake? 

Oh and BTW, a little on the small side eh or are we on a diet


----------



## K.C.

Happy Birthday Angel.

Never was much good at this heh.


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> It does... Giving you a Hawaiian blessing on this special day, your 27th birthday



Yeah, I like that _much_ better than 62nd!


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


>


A preview of things to come when you visit and we get together? :smthumbup: :rofl:


----------



## EnjoliWoman

OMG I wish I had seen that when it was my friend's birthday! Now I'm going to have to wait a whole year!


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

Hey, Enjoli, it doesn't say 'Happy Birthday' or anything!

Just send it to her now and tell her it's an invitation to go out Friday night and get hammered!

Like an uwritten "Let's get shyt-faced!"

.


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Oh Drerio...now that's just a challenge to post one even worse
> 
> Warning: do not click this link if you are easily offended
> 
> Angel's real cake


*
HOLY F'ING MOTHER OF CRAP!










*






OK, maybe that wasn't the best choice of emoticon, considering...


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> A preview of things to come when you visit and we get together? :smthumbup: :rofl:


Dignity must be maintained at all times


----------



## NoWhere

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL!! Love your cakes!

oh and Dolly. You should be ashamed of yourself.


----------



## angelpixie

NoWhere said:


> HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL!! Love your cakes!


And just what is _that_ supposed to mean? 




Oh, I think you actually mean the birthday cakes. 






  :rofl:


----------



## NoWhere

You probably had it right the first time Angel. You know your suppose to follow your intuition


----------



## Dollystanford

NoWhere said:


> HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL!! Love your cakes!
> 
> oh and Dolly. You should be ashamed of yourself.


Never apologise, never explain


----------



## angelpixie

Carrot cake is in the oven. :smthumbup:

I had to run to the Whole Foods wannabe a few blocks away to get some raisins, and decided to buy myself some flowers. They had beautiful small bouquets of peach lilies and pink tulips. I treated myself to one of each, one for work and one for home. DS said "So this is a 'me, myself and I' birthday?" I asked what he meant. "Well, you're making your own cake, you're buying your own flowers, and you're taking me out for dinner and a movie." 

Yep, kiddo, I guess that's true.  Maybe next year I'll be lucky enough to share it with my DS and adults, too. Or even just one.


----------



## Dollystanford

Did you get a 'Sl*tty Barbie' for the top of your cake Angel


----------



## angelpixie

Not with DS around, lol. I'll save that up for next year's 'grown-up' party! :smthumbup:

Nothing on top of my cake this year but creamy cream cheese frosting. Yummmm.


----------



## angelpixie

Wow, what a day. DS is having a sleepover at The Brick's tonight, and I appreciate it. I'm exhausted due to whatever this is that I'm allergic to. I don't usually have attacks that affect my eyes, but this one sure is. 

I met with the mortgage guy today, and we decided to go with conventional over FHA anyway. Why? Because the mortgage insurance premium for FHA is nearly $100/mo higher than conventional. Yikes! But, this guy's closing costs are so much lower than my bank, that the amount the seller agreed to pay will pretty much cover all of it. I won't have to pay anything but my down-payment. That should result with me still having a very manageable payment, and unexpected cash leftover for building up savings again....or taking care of my old car....or pay off my only credit card. Or a little of each. 

I was unhappy with the amount I got in the divorce after all of our years together. But if all of this works out, I will have what I need, and I can work on building the rest back up myself. That's enough, and I can feel good about that now.

After the events of the last 10 days or so, I've been feeling like for the first time ever, I'm having a life. My life. Not a life dictated by the craziness of people I'm living with (by choice or not), but a life that's mine (DS notwithstanding). It will be a test to see how much I've learned from all of the situations in my life and how well I put that knowledge to use. 

I spoke to two more people who gave me their viewpoints on what they've seen lately. I found out that my IC was in the audience during the Vagina Monologues (jeepers was that a week ago, already?). I told her how I felt that night going into it, and how I felt when it was over. She said that when she saw me up on the stage, she had no doubt that I was up there for me. I don't know how long she's lived here (maybe 15-20 years?), but she's maintained a lot of her native-New Yorker demeanor. She's kind and caring, but no-nonsense at the same time. That's why I like her. Anyway, she said that she actually cried during the performance because she remembered what I was like when I first started coming to see her 2 years ago. It's hard for me to imagine that, but she assured me it was true.  And then today, my former supervisor, who has known Ex and I since we moved here as newlyweds and was my supervisor when he had his breakdown until about a year later, wanted to know all about my house and everything else. About 2 years ago, she went through a divorce after 35 years of marriage. At the same time that she was also caring for aging parents who lived about 80 miles away. She went through a really difficult time. We were both talking about what a huge impact a divorce has on one's life, especially in her case financially. She had some similar things that I had, like not getting back inheritance, losing half of her retirement, and going from a very comfortable lifestyle to just her income. But to be free from all of the stress and pain of living with those people, even though we didn't want to be divorced in the beginning, was turning out to be worth everything along the way. 

I've seen a few threads with a similar theme on here lately, so I'll chime in -- it won't be the life you had all planned out for yourself, but if you're honest, it finally becomes apparent that if our spouses weren't going to do their part of the heavy lifting to repair a broken marriage, then they did us a favor by pushing us out on our own. If they hadn't we probably wouldn't have left, and we'd still be living in increasingly miserable circumstances. And yes, it really would be worse than what we have now. Just being in physical proximity is no reason for hope of things getting better. There's no reason to believe our situations would have improved if we'd just stuck it out (if we even had that option to begin with). 

If we are honest with ourselves, there are things that are in our control. Most importantly, our way of thinking and the way we deal with adversity. If you really want to die, then roll over and die. But if you don't, then start doing things --- anything --- to get your life going again. And be true to what makes YOU happy. Of course there will be bumps and wobbles along the way, but jeez, a lot of us already made it through a lot worse -- a loss of self.


----------



## angelpixie

Spoke to my brother last night, and as my birthday present, he's flying my dad out to help me work on my new place. That's what my dad does for a living, so it will be fantastic to have his help. It will be after I'm moved in, so probably late April or into May when it warms up out here. I think I'll have him help me renovate one of the garages into my storage/work area for my online shop. The stuff can be stored safely in the basement til then. That will be a great, great help. And it will give DS a lot of time to spend with his granddad, which he's never really had. Spring is such a beautiful time out here, too. 

Then I'm going to have to go back to MN sometime in early summer to help my brother finish going through all of my mom's stuff. That will be hard. I don't want to go back into all those memories and all that stuff again, but it's not fair of me to leave all that physical work to my brother. He has a lot on his plate, too, and I know he's not looking forward to it. Oh, well. Such is life. I don't know if he wants to have a sale, or just donate. After having my own sale last summer, my advice is to donate as much as possible. Tax deduction value is going to be much higher than what we could sell it for, and it's less work besides.

OK, off to pick up DS from The Brick's house, then I'm putting a yummy dinner in the crock pot so that it and its fragrance are awaiting me after 6 hours at the film festival. 

'ta!


----------



## angelpixie

Starting The Big Purge today. Taking on the house, room by room, and getting rid of all unnecessary things. It's kind of overwhelming, but I know it needs to be done, and it's pretty much up to me to do it, as DS is only here half the time, and it will be enough to get him to go through his own stuff. Even though I did it when I moved out, that type of thing has always been difficult for me. I think my lack of a real identity allowed me to attach too much identification with my things as a way to define me. When I was a kid, it was mementos, awards, etc. Later, it was keepsakes from family, things related to my life with Ex and later, DS. I lost nearly all of my early stuff in the house fire we had, but then I started all over again. I wonder if I'll have an easier time letting things go this time around. I _feel_ like I will at this point. 

A bright note, and a little bit of a brag: DS took 3rd for the school in the Science contest yesterday. It wasn't a traditional science fair where students make something, but more like a knowledge competition with different booths. I actually don't understand how he came in 3rd overall, as he got 3 1st place ribbons and another 2nd place one. Ex (who was working at one of the booths) said he thinks their math adding up the scores was faulty. But DS is still very proud, and rightfully so. And he's especially impressed that is medal is not plastic. :rofl:

I know this was Ex's day with him, but I expected that when he said he was volunteering that he'd be doing it himself. But no, he has posGF working the booth with him. When I dropped DS off at the school, it was the first time he'd seen him since Tuesday (an unusually long time with our schedule). He didn't even go up to his dad to say hi or give him a hug. I had to use Ex's keys to transfer stuff between cars, and when I went back to return them, DS was gone. So, at that point, he still hadn't spoken to his dad. I can't do anything to make Ex see this, or to want to make the changes necessary to get his relationship with his son back, but it still makes me sad. They used to be so incredibly close. And DS has tried to talk to him, but Ex refuses to listen.

And the truly odd thing is that Ex volunteered for this event, and originally asked me if I'd watch DS that day. He didn't even do it with the idea that DS would participate. This event was a natural for DS (obviously ), but Ex would have worked at DS' school, on a day he had DS, but not actually include DS. I still don't get that. :scratchhead:

And in observing them before they saw me, or when they think I'm not paying attention, it seems that all is already not well with the lovebirds. I think back to how we were around each other when we were together over a year (as they are at this point). They don't have that easy, relaxed, comfortable demeanor that I know we did. They are still very stiff around each other. And when I picked DS up today at the house, she was actually a little bossy to him, and I caught him answering her a little testily. Hmm, trouble in paradise? Guess his relationship issues weren't all my fault, were they? (Of course I already knew this.  ) 

So glad to be free of that drama with him. 

He needs to provide a pdf of a document from his house refi for my meeting with my mortgage guy tomorrow. I've given him a couple of reminders already, and he says he will do it, but I hope to god he doesn't 'forget'. I will drive out there tonight and pick it up myself to scan at work tomorrow if I don't have it by bedtime. I don't care if it's inconvenient to him. I'm not letting him screw this up for me. More manipulative arseholiness. No big surprise there. I hate having to depend on him for anything. 

OK. Time for a fortifying lunch, then time for work! I'm actually kind of looking forward to this.


----------



## Dollystanford

Purging is sooo cathartic - I cleared an entire room out yesterday ready for decorating. I'm sure I'm a lot more ruthless than you - I'm a 'bin it and move on' person unless it's to do with D growing up.

Tosspot came round - thought he was picking up the glass cabinet but no, he was just taking it apart. Got all huffy because I'm getting rid of it (his parents gave it to us). Started to say 'all the stuff they've given me over the years and I've got nothing to show for it)'

Well purchase some storage and put it there then dear, I don't want it - it's not my taste and it was forced upon me, now it's time to get rid. Just because it won't fit in your frou frou flat doesn't make it my problem.

God it feels sooooo good - millstone cut from your neck angel dearest, we are like birds freed from a cage yo! Our exes are like, still in the cage wallowing in their own poo


----------



## angelpixie

FINALLY got a response from Ex. He has a scanner hooked up to his computer. Did he scan the entire page as I asked, so it showed the amount of the payout and the bank it went through? No. He took an angled pic with his phone and emailed it to me. Shows the bottom part of the page with the amount, but not the name of the bank. Luckily, there's enough of the name of the title company showing that it MAY be 'official' enough for the mortgage guy to show his underwriters.

If it's not, I'll have to ask if there's another mechanism by which I can get that information quickly. I'm sure I'm not the first divorced client with a less than cooperative ex-spouse. 

The online listing for the house now says 'UNDER CONTRACT.' 
And I've had numerous friends offering help packing, moving, bringing pots of soup and loaves of bread on our first night in the house, and of course, wanting to come for a housewarming.  Feels really wonderful.


----------



## angelpixie

I might be a _little_ premature on this, but,


----------



## Dollystanford

why take an artsy photograph of a fricking bank statement? Could he BE a bigger wanker?


----------



## angelpixie

Sigh. Big surprise. Artsy phone photo is not legitimate documentation. I texted ex to ask if he can scan or if I can have the papers just long enough to scan myself. (If he'd told me he couldn't actually scan them, I could have gotten them yesterday when I picked up DS). No, he's going to drive all the way into town, to take the papers to the mortgage guy himself. So, it wasn't just wankitude. It was deliberately not wanting _me_ to see the entire document. I wonder if he realizes that since it will be part of my loan file, I will have the right to see it anyway. I'm obviously not going to tell him that. Now it makes me wonder if _he's_ trying to hide something. There's some reason he's always projecting this kind of crap onto me and accusing me of things.

Hopefully it's not anything and we can just proceed. Keeping positive. I did get a lovely little jpg of the deposited check from my brother.


----------



## angelpixie

Poop. Forgot one MORE piece of documentation I needed to get from ex. I'd mentioned it to him over the phone, but since I was concentrating on the one I thought would be more difficult to get (the refi doc), I later forgot about the 'easier' one. He needs to come into town to sign the QDRO at my lawyer's office anyway, so hopefully, he will just bring it. I don't care if he takes it to the mortgage guy's office, I just want it done. 

It scares me that I'm dependent on him for these things. If he was a really evil as$hole, I'd really be up a creek. He gets half my retirement in the settlement, but since he's just going to turn it all over to me, there's really nothing in his best interest to make him get his butt in and sign the QDRO. I can force him to by saying he's in contempt of the divorce decree, but obviously that's a mess. So, I'm glad and thankful that for now, he's being cooperative. Maybe he just wants all of this to go away as much as I do.

***

Just got a call from the mortgage guy. He's on his way here to have me sign the loan papers. Kind of nervous. This is the real deal!


----------



## angelpixie

Arrgh! He sent a copy of an award letter from Soc Sec. One that's over two years old, and shows an amount that's less than half of what I'm getting per month -- as his total monthly payment! How does that help the mortgage guy prove to the underwriter that I'm actually due to get the amount I'm saying I will, every month? I told him that what is in the settlement agreement is not enough verification. That's why I'm going through all these extra hoops in the first place. Please wish me luck. For so many reasons.


----------



## vi_bride04

Oh Angel, good luck! I hope you don't have to rely too much more on douche canoe to get your house. He sucks!!!!!!! And this is the perfect house for you, I feel it.


----------



## angelpixie

After calling me to give me a lecture on what the underwriter _should_ take as verification (in the Federal Republic of Chinless, I guess ), he did send another pic of a newer award letter. Not the newest. So, still not showing the exact amount I'm claiming to get. SMH. He cannot get it online, but he can request a new copy, which will take a week. I forwarded what I have, with another explanation, to my mortgage guy. It's only $6 frigging dollars difference at this point. Please just approve me, already.

F Me. Really. I need to burn off some stress.


----------



## Dollystanford

And with all his experience in mortgage underwriting too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

should be a special spit in hell to roast uncooperative, loathsome 'exes' on!


----------



## angelpixie

QDRO has been signed by both ex-spouses, so it's off to the judge now, then off to the plan administrator in NY. In about 4 weeks, Ex will get the money. I tried to explain this (AGAIN) when Bennifer dropped off DS just now. He says "So, then I just sign the check over to you?" And because I'm an upright, ethical person, I said 'No, remember you'll have to pay taxes on that, so find out how much you'll owe and take that out for your taxes first. Then I will get the rest." I could have told him to give it all to me off the top (since he owes it to me) and then let him figure out thru the rest of the year how to come up with the taxes. Or maybe they withhold that when they divide the account, I don't know. 

I cleaned out my retirement from the U of MN when we got married, to pay for our moving expenses when we moved here (which I reminded him today), but I don't remember how the tax thing went. 

Come to think of it, if the taxes are not automatically withheld when they cut the check, perhaps I should have him give me as much of it as he can right away. What's the difference between him paying me in installments thru the rest of the year, or putting aside money for the IRS in installments for the rest of the year? Hmmm. Will have to think on this. If he doesn't owe it to them til 4/15/14, and I need the cash asap, that may be the way to go. 

OK, another thing to look into.

Just ordered a half price pizza - $6 for a large Works.  And I also bought myself a celebratory bottle of rum. After I look over the final loan papers, I will treat myself to a celebratory drink.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> QDRO has been signed by both ex-spouses, so it's off to the judge now, then off to the plan administrator in NY. In about 4 weeks, Ex will get the money. I tried to explain this (AGAIN) when Bennifer dropped off DS just now. He says "So, then I just sign the check over to you?" And because I'm an upright, ethical person, I said 'No, remember you'll have to pay taxes on that, so find out how much you'll owe and take that out for your taxes first. Then I will get the rest." I could have told him to give it all to me off the top (since he owes it to me) and then let him figure out thru the rest of the year how to come up with the taxes. Or maybe they withhold that when they divide the account, I don't know.


I'm looking at a similar situation... I'd like to liquidate my retirement account to pay off all our marital debts, except for the mortgage. Simply, here's how it works...

The retirement account gets split between you and XH. The parg that gets moved to him can be rolled over to an IRA (tax free), or he could keep it as whatever type of account you took it out of (also tax free), or he can have it disbursed as a lump sum of cash.

If he takes it as cash, then the IRS automativally takes out 20% to cover taxes, because it'll count as income on his next year's taxes. The QDRO prevents them from taking an additional 10% out as an early withdrawal penalty.


Pb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, so it's automatically taken out before it even gets to him? OK. Well that makes it easier on him then as far as figuring things out. I knew he didn't have to pay the 10% early withdrawal penalty. He can't roll it over because he owes me too much and basically doesn't have anything but my own money to pay me back with. No reason to feel sorry for him -- he got the house and the better car in exchange, plus I have inheritance and other money he used that he has to pay me back. 

Thanks for the info, though, Pb!


----------



## jpr

Yeah...the IRS should take out 20%. But, that amount will count as income for the year ( I think) , so that *might* bump up Chinless' income into a higher tax bracket for the year. 

...one way to avoid paying the taxes is to roll it over into another plan. I got a chunk of Sassie's 403B in the divorce. (...because I stupidly contributed to his 403B plan instead of my own for the past 8 years......He had a better fund manager option than I did.. stupid. ).I rolled over my chunk of Sassie's plan into my own so that I didn't have to pay taxes on it. 

But, it sounds like Chinless can't do that because he needs to cash out the plan to pay you. He should be paying those taxes...not you.  It is his own problem that he doesn't have a job and a way to make money in order to afford to pay his debts to you.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, he is paying the taxes, jpr. That money basically doesn't count towards what he owes me. Supposedly 'someone' told him that I should be paying the taxes since I'm asking for the money. I told him he wouldn't have to pay the taxes or pay me the money, if he had another source for the cash he owes me. If so, he could roll over the retirement money that I worked hard for and not pay it in taxes. 

You can figure out how that worked for him.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Oh, he is paying the taxes, jpr.




If he doesn't have any (or much) other income, the 20% should be more than enough to cover the taxes he'll owe. Depending on how much he cashes out and what tax bracket that puts him in, there's even a chance he could get a little refund out of it.


Pb.


----------



## angelpixie

Almost forgot! Tomorrow night is the Thank You party for the film festival volunteers, and for the first time, I'm actually able to go to one of these types of things. Usually, I have DS, but not tomorrow night.  It will be at the microbrewery not far from the marital home. So, I'm sure if I overdo it, I'll just stumble over there and ask to crash for the night and Ex & posGF will be OK with that, right?  

(I say that because he specifically used the 'Drunk person needing a place to crash' example over and over when we were drawing up our parenting plan and I told him I didn't want female 'overnight guests' -- namely posGF -- staying there when he had DS. I should test his hospitality towards drunk women. :rofl


But....I won't. :biggrinangelA:


----------



## K.C.

That would be priceless though.


----------



## angelpixie

He's officially off my insurance, netting me an automatic raise of almost $250.00/month. Another weight gone. 

Papers have been submitted to the underwriter. Waiting to see the inspection tomorrow after work. It's just a matter of waiting and checking things off the to-do list now. 




Why did I try to save that marriage and fight this divorce again?  Oh yeah, because I was a masochist.


----------



## Orpheus

best news i've heard all week! congrats AP!!!


----------



## NoWhere

I'm so happy for you Angel!!!! Things seem to be going your way finally!


----------



## Dollystanford

We suddenly have an exclamation mark explosion from the men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Almostrecovered

how?


----------



## NoWhere

Dollystanford said:


> We suddenly have an exclamation mark explosion from the men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 I've had a lot of exclamations lately. :smthumbup:


----------



## Dollystanford

Hang on, are you talking about sex?


----------



## NoWhere

Who me? **makes innocent face**


----------



## angelpixie

Almostrecovered said:


> how?


Eat lots of turtle soup.


----------



## angelpixie

Pooh. I raced to the house after work and the inspector was already gone. Which meant I also couldn't really 'legally' be on the property to measure the garage like I'd hoped I could. I phoned my realtor right away to make sure I had the right date and time. When I didn't get her, I went and got an insurance quote on the house. I think I can do it within our very limited window and still get good coverage. Having 2 separate garages adds a little extra premium, as does extra coverage for my inventory. 

Bummed around a little after that, and then finally got a callback from the realtor. Turns out the inspector left her a message 20 minutes before I got there saying he'd come back to walk through everything with me if I could come back soon. I was -- within 1/2 hour after he left.  But for some reason, her voicemail goofed up and she got both of our messages at once, almost an hour after I sent mine, and 1 1/2 hours after he sent his. I guess it wasn't meant to be. 

But it is frustrating, because I really want to know what's up with the place, and I can't meet with him tomorrow - it will have to wait til Friday at the earliest. I just have to try to stay calm. Everything else is working out. Hopefully, this will, too.

*********

Ex called to 'verify' when I was seeing DS tomorrow and that I was bringing some of his mail over on my way to the party tonight....and to ask if he can borrow my tripod (so 'he can work'). Turns out he and posGF left the other one at the love nest they stayed at last week. He says he won't have it back for a couple of weeks! Are they going to have to drive back to get it? It's a flipping 3 hour drive each way! But it would also cost a pretty penny to mail. 

I knew he was up to something when he called rather than texting to verify schedules...and by that slimy friendly voice.  Dumbass.


----------



## angelpixie

Had a nice time at the after-after party tonight. We got there a little later than I'd planned, but we still were able to talk to some people we hadn't met before. The woman I went with is also a bit shy in crowds, so we kind of tag-teamed and that was helpful, plus we got to chat together a little more and that was nice. 

The party was in the tasting room at the brewery where one can get 4 free samples per day (yes there are regulars that hang out each day, lol). Tried an excellent Belgian style dark beer (not dark as in porter, but darker than what they usually have) -- could only get one small glass of that though, because it was 10% alcohol. Also tried a lighter Belgian that was a little too hoppy for my tastes, but still not bad. Inquired about their seasonal porter (formerly named Russian Imperial Porter, now named Ivan the Terrible, lol). It apparently sold out faster this year than in any year previously.  It is darned good stuff, and only available draught. I might take my growler over there and fill it with that dark Belgian, though. We had two, and I got one in the divorce. :rofl:

***************

Had a voicemail waiting for me from the realtor. The inspector will have the report on the house done and emailed to her by early Friday afternoon, and then if I still want to, he'll meet with us and do a walk through after I get off work on Friday. Good. I won't have to wait over the weekend. My realtor said it didn't sound to her like he found anything, and that he didn't really expect that I'd need to meet with him. But I am particular about these things, and I will meet with him anyway. That's just me. 

So, whew. A pretty successful night, all in all. :toast:


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Also tried a lighter Belgian that was a little too hoppy for my tastes, but still not bad.


I don't mind hoppy beers, but they've never been my favorites... They always taste like I'm drinking celery.


Pb.


----------



## angelpixie

Good group today -- we've decided that we've all gotten to a point that we will be shortening our meetings and only having them bi-weekly.  Shifting focus, too -- always glad to tackle something new, and yet do it together. I'm lucky that I found a great therapist and that I get along so well with the other group members. 


And everyone's showing the love for AP's cloche today.  I've worn it before, but for some reason, it's never been noticed this much before. :scratchhead: People are interesting.


----------



## jpr

I had to google 'cloche'.


----------



## angelpixie

It's this one. I found it on clearance at Target. 
It's the same red as my jacket.


----------



## angelpixie

Just got home after a pretty busy afternoon. Was supposed to take DS to watch The Brick compete in the county-wide spelling bee. His mom contacted me and Ex yesterday to see if she could work it out with whoever had DS for the day. DS has fencing this afternoon, too, so we'd only be able to stay for part of the bee, then I'd take him to his lesson. EX & posGF would take him home from there. 

What I didn't know (and Brick's mom assumed Ex would tell me) was that the bee was at one of the high schools, and they'd be taking DS with them over there. So, I'm waiting at home for him to get off the bus. He doesn't. I race to his school, thinking he's there. He's not. Neither is the bee. Called the mom, who is very apologetic about not realizing that Ex can't be trusted to pass along simple information like this. 

Funny thing: Brick's practice round word is 'orange.' Those of us there for him cracked up. Unfortunately, he missed his first round word. We had to leave after the first round anyway, so DS didn't miss him taking the trophy or anything. 

Of course, after an extra reminder to make sure DS had any fencing equip he needed when he went to school, we got to the club to find that, in fact, he didn't. Big surprise. I called and Ex was on his way out the door anyway, so he and GF brought it up to the club -- along with a partial payment of the first installment of what he was supposed to pay me on March 1st. $200 of $900. Not sure when I'll see the rest of it. I'm guessing not tomorrow. 

But we all left at the same time, and after I got to my car, which was closer, I looked up to see them running zigzag and chasing each other down the street to see who got to the car to drive first. It was a-DOR-able.










But, my night will get better. A nice dinner of salmon, rice and veg, followed by STFC.  :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Oooooh!!! Just got a response from the people on CL with the $25 brown MCM sofa -- they still have it!! They'll be sending measurements tonight or tomorrow. Hopefully, I can fit it into my wagon. Might be taking a road trip this weekend!! :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

My Time


----------



## WorkingOnMe

Oh know, you're not turning into one of those red hat ladies are you?


----------



## TBT

Nice video Angel! Btw,who helps you load and unload all of this stuff from CL? Seems a sofa would be too heavy and awkward on your own.


----------



## angelpixie

WorkingOnMe said:


> Oh know, you're not turning into one of those red hat ladies are you?


Oh, GOD, no, WoM!! Red is my favorite color, so I wear a lot of it. I have a similar hat in black, too, but I don't wear it as much. I've really gotten into hats in the last year or two.


----------



## angelpixie

TBT said:


> Nice video Angel! Btw,who helps you load and unload all of this stuff from CL? Seems a sofa would be too heavy and awkward on your own.



Well, this will be the biggest thing I will have gotten so far. Most of the furniture I've gotten off of CL I load myself. It's amazing how much adrenaline-fueled strength you can get going when there's a good deal to be had! 

But I will ask the guy if he'd be able to help me load it into my car. Then I'll ask a couple of friends if they can help me get it out of the car & into my storage unit until I close on the house.


----------



## TBT

Well I hope you get some help.About the hat...are you a wannabe flapper?  Always liked them...remind me of Audrey Hepburn!


----------



## angelpixie

I don't know if I see myself as a flapper --- maybe subconsciously? 


STFC was a lot of fun tonight. She taught us some new things -- some definitely easier than others. The backwards somersault? Um. Yeah...no. It will take practice, let's just say that. 
I don't know why I never remembered this before, but I bought a pair of super high heels last summer when I saw them in a thrift store. Finding shoes like that, in my size, for cheap -- yeah, I bought them. I've only worn them to take a photo for the Shoe Show thread in Social Spot long, long ago. I think I'll drag them out for next week. See if I can get through class without breaking my neck. One of the ladies, who's worn 5" plexiglas heels in the past, pulled out a pair of 7" black patent platform sandals tonight. I'm pleased to say she made it through class without a broken ankle.  This STFC is dangerous stuff, folks!! :rofl:


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

STFC? :scratchhead:


----------



## angelpixie

Strip Tease Fitness Class.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Strip Tease Fitness Class.


Hotcha! :smthumbup:


Pb.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

They HAVE those?!?













[hmm, where would I look for such classes on the internet in the Detroit area................................]


.


----------



## angelpixie

SGW -- I take mine at one of our local dance studios. Mine does not include pole dancing, but in some classes, they do. Actually, I heard a couple of weeks ago that one of the strip clubs in town is teaching a pole dancing class. None of us are interested in trying that one. 

I'd be surprised if you couldn't find one in a city as large as Detroit.


If not, I recommend 

The S Factor: Strip Workouts for Every Woman


My teacher created her own program, but she has used things from this woman. I use the book for ideas when I've subbed teaching for her.


----------



## Dollystanford

Hell you can probably learn to striptease and wield your firearm at the same time! ha ha!


----------



## angelpixie

At first when I read that, I read that as 'weld' your firearm, and it made me think of Flashdance! :rofl:


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> If not, I recommend
> 
> The S Factor: Strip Workouts for Every Woman.





The S-factor:StripWorkoutsForEveryWoman said:


> the exercises are sensual yet demanding, requiring a balance of strength and finesse. There are slow, rounded warm-ups, the Spine Circles and Hip Circles. Strenuous motions, like the Rocking Cat-Cow. Peels and rolls, grinds, pounces, arches. And pole work, from the Firefly to Descending Angel.


The Descending Angel. Hmmmmmm I like the sound of that. 

Didn't realize you had a move named after you!


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah, I don't advertise that. Don't want to brag, you know. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

I got a phone call at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't recognize the number, so I didn't answer. Finally listened to the voicemail. It's a, shall we say, older gentleman wondering if my stereo components were still for sale. :scratchhead: Then proceeded to give me not only his phone number, but his entire street address, complete with state and zip code. 

Um. 

I want to not only tell him that he has the wrong number, and that I don't have any stereo components to keep or to sell, but that he might not want to just be so free to give out his information, but I'm not sure quite how to do that.


----------



## angelpixie

It's funny how things just come together. You ever have one of those days at work where everyone is wearing the same color? 'I see everyone got the red memo, haha' Well, today it's purple. We're all in purple. I found a great pair of purple tights on clearance at Target and hoped they'd match a black and purple dress I have. They do. Not only that, they also match my French press coffee mug. And I have my black coat and purse today, so when I went to buy coffee this morning, the cashier thought I either coordinated my mug to match my entire ensemble or vice versa. Actually, I should have told them I did it all to match my TAM username. (bathroom mirror phone pics to follow) :rofl:

Ahhh, Fridays.


----------



## angelpixie

At the beginning of this year, I had an overwhelming feeling that good things were going to happen to me and people I care about. I just found out that my friend's husband got very good news about his cancer. They are going to stay in a wait and see mode for 3 months! So no hurry for chemo, bone marrow transplants, or anything else, like they were told only a few weeks ago. It's made a world of difference in him already. She said she came home from work last night to see the house cleaned, and all of the furniture moved back to the way it was before he'd had chemo and rearranged it to make it easier for him to get around. I'd asked if she wanted to see a film with me tonight, but she's not sure because he wants to go out tonight!! 

Big hugs all around !!


----------



## angelpixie

Just got the home inspector's report. *75 pages* We're seeing him at the house at 4:30. Please keep your fingers crossed, everybody!! It will also be the first time Ex sees the place, as he'll be picking DS up from there.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Lose weight instantly! Ask me how!*



angelpixie said:


> At the beginning of this year, I had an overwhelming feeling that good things were going to happen to me and people I care about. I just found out that my friend's husband got very good news about his cancer. They are going to stay in a wait and see mode for 3 months! So no hurry for chemo, bone marrow transplants, or anything else, like they were told only a few weeks ago. It's made a world of difference in him already. She said she came home from work last night to see the house cleaned, and all of the furniture moved back to the way it was before he'd had chemo and rearranged it to make it easier for him to get around. I'd asked if she wanted to see a film with me tonight, but she's not sure because he wants to go out tonight!!
> 
> Big hugs all around !!


This is great!


----------



## angelpixie

Well, just talked to Dad. He thinks I need to ask for more money off. Not that I can't do most of the work myself, or with his/my brother's help, but that it will add up to a lot of time. Fair amount of electrical updating -- as in very few of the outlets are grounded, the wire coming from the pole is too close to the roof, and the inspector isn't sure there's a grounding rod for the house. I'd have to have the power company raise the wire (how much will THAT cost??), but the outlets and grounding rod can be DIY. It's just a matter of time it takes to do that, and the possibility of having to get into the walls to redo the outlets.

The other main issue is the furnace. It looks to be original to the house. It's still working, but undoubtedly is on borrowed time, and not efficient as a new one would be. Depending on any sheet metal work needed, that may or may not be something we could do. My dad's done furnaces more than once. The water heater is much newer and should have many more years left.

There are some issues with the smaller garage, which I worried about, but that wasn't a big deal, either, he thought.

Attic needs extra insulation, which will result in less snowmelt on the roof, so the roof will therefore need more bracing. And the eaves need venting. Again, DIY, not pricey, but time-consuming. He said the 3 of us could do the whole job in a weekend. But the roof itself looks to be in excellent shape except for the shingles, which we already knew about and which the sellers are paying for. 

Plumbing looks good, foundation looks good, structurally it looks really good. Windows and doors are good, could use a bead of caulk in a few places. No biggie. 

I might have to have Dad move in for a while.


----------



## Ikaika

having had some major remodeling work done and a BIL who has been in the construction industry for decades I can tell you the order of expenses from highest to lowest, electrical, finish carpentry, plumbing, rough-in carpentry and painting. So, Angel, I agree with your father, ask to either have the seller fix it or bring the price down. 

What you describe will require even more than what the inspector has told you. To get updated 3-wire grounding (if it is dated) will often require major updates to the panel. That alone will run you high three or possibly four digit expenses.

Electrical receptacles diy, but if you have to run Romex lines and add sleeves to it (not doing so may be a code violation if you don't) is NOT diy. Be sure you check to see what is really detailed the grounding update.


----------



## angelpixie

The box is new, drerio, but the outlets (for the most part) are not. My realtor is aces, though. I talked to her, and she knew that we'd probably find enough things wrong that we'd be able to ask for more off once we got the report. She offered (more or less) what they were asking minus the roof so that they'd feel like they were getting what they wanted. Now that we have the report showing that the house isn't worth that, she'll be able to bargain them down. Some we shouldn't or can't do ourselves, but she's spending the weekend getting professional estimates for everything, then we'll ask them to take their pick of either fixing it before we close, or cutting the price so it doesn't delay closing. She's playing up the fact that I'm a single mom, and telling them that I'll have to hire to have everything done. (Insert batting eyelash smiley here. ) "Don't tell them you know how to do ANYTHING, or that you have anyone who can help you. Trust me on this." 

So, I'm off to talk to the inspector now, and I'll be meeting with her on Monday or Tuesday, once she gets numbers for me. I may end up with an even lower payment, and possibly some more things fixed by the time this is over.


----------



## Ikaika

That is great... Sounds like an great deal. 

We are putting up 25 photovoltaic panels so we can start selling electricity back to our electric company... The catch is we have to put in new box to accommodate this service. New box, $1800. The entire system will take 6 years to recoup the price.


----------



## angelpixie

Oy!! I'd love to do that, too. The house I moved out of is absolutely ideal for solar: very steep pitched flat roof, facing southwest, tallest structure around. And I can attest to how much heat the dark shingles absorbed in the summertime.  But Ex was never interested enough to look into it with me, and then well, we all know what happened. I always thought it would have been rather poetic to have solar energy pay for our air conditioning, lol. 

This place has a much shallower roof, but one half does face south. There are people right in town with panels, but it's far cloudier in town, too, so I really don't know how long it would take to pay for itself. I'm thinking longer than 6 years.

Are you getting any tax breaks on it, D?


----------



## Orpheus

AngelofNoMercy, get in there and drive that price down!


----------



## angelpixie

Met with the inspector -- MUCH RELIEVED!! He said he really didn't think the roof would need extra support, as the photos were a little misleading on how much insulation is up there -- there's more than it looks. We would have to put the vents in, though, and that's not too big of a deal. 

The electrical isn't as bad as we thought, either -- while we were there, he tested some more of the outlets in the kitchen and bathrooms, and they are all ground faulted. Yay! So the most important ones are done. The line from the pole to the house: he thinks I might have a case that the power company should not have put in the relatively recent meter with the line a.) not masted, and b.) not in conduit, and that they should pay to fix it. I will argue that with them. The garages were not as bad as I thought, either. Mostly cosmetic on the outside of one I'd rent out. The one I want to convert does need new shingles, but is probably not something I'd have to hire to have done. He was really impressed with the condition of the inside wood on both of them. So, I can convert away with abandon. 

He said the foundation is one of the best he's seen in town on a house of that age, and that it's been really well cared for. The solid wood siding is in great shape. The furnace will just keep working til it dies, then I can get something better and more efficient. At that time, I could take care of the one section of duct that's kind of corroded. It's especially helpful that we're heading into warmer weather. 

So, all in all, I don't know if there's enough there to get them to agree to a lower price, but I'll wait til my realtor gets her estimates, and then we can try them. I'll take any decrease I can get. There's still some work to be done, after all.

He also agreed with my idea that we could turn one of the apartment's egress windows into a separate entrance without too much hassle. That would make me feel much better about renting it out. And I'm sure I could charge more that way, too. 

Ex and posGF picked up DS at the house, and DS wanted me to show them around. I did. They were both snooty and jealous at the same time. Quite a feat, but they pulled it off, nicely. :rofl:

I, on the other hand, am nearly giddy (but I was under control when I showed them).    (I mainly wanted Ex to see that I wasn't housing DS in a hovel)


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> the condition of the inside wood on both of them.


inside. wood.



angelpixie said:


> So, all in all, I don't know if there's enough there to get them to agree to a lower price, but I'll wait til my realtor gets her estimates, and then we can try them.


there's ALWAYS room for negotiation. DOWN Down down. c'mon girl, get down on it.


----------



## angelpixie

Orpheus said:


> *AngelofNoMercy*


You have nooo idea, sweetie.


----------



## angelpixie

Grilled yellowfin, steamed veg, and this delightful beverage I picked up last night.










It's quite tasty. Only problem is, it's the color of ruby red grapefruit juice, which I didn't expect. It totally clashes with the purple in my outfit.


----------



## Ikaika

I'm getting a break on state taxes. Who knows with a Feds. But, will not deter us


----------



## angelpixie

My friend decided she wants to go to the movie anyway. Hrm. It's a serious movie. Not sure how that will be after drinking all that hard cider. I'll either fall asleep, or weep like a baby. Should be interesting.


----------



## angelpixie

Yeah. Tears flowed, but it had nothing to do with alcohol.  Saw The Impossible. Wow. Kind of puts things into perspective.


----------



## angelpixie

I realized that it's been one year since I went on my big overnight x-country ski trip. I got a groupon-type deal for a very no-frills cabin at a hot springs, very close to the Idaho border. Just over the border is a great National Forest recreation area. I hadn't really done much x-c skiing since high school, and since the winters aren't terribly predictable as far as snowfall here in the valley, have never gone since we moved West.

I thought I'd do the 6 mile loop. Was a gorgeous, sunny day in the low 20's, with very few people out (as in, I didn't see another soul once we left the Ranger Station). I started out at about 1:30 in the afternoon. Unfortunately, the signs and trail markings absolutely sucked, and I got off the x-c trail. Long story short, my 6 mile loop turned into 16 miles on the snowmobile trail (which did have x-c tracks on it), during which, of course, the sun went down. And I was wearing sunglasses, due to the formerly sunny day. At dusk, I also saw a very large bear, about 50 yards ahead of me, right on the trail. 

At first, there was a brilliant full moon, and I was able to see _just enough_ to keep going, even with sunglasses. But then it clouded over and starting snowing heavily. As in obliterating the trail heavy. Periodically using my the light on my phone to try to find the trail again. I made it back about 8 p.m. All I took with me was a small bag of trail mix, and a bottle of water, which was too cold to drink by the time night fell. Boy was I looking forward to those hot springs!!

...Which closed early that night. :rofl: I was also craving a steak, but the can of clam chowder I heated in the cabin was like ambrosia. 

I got back to town the next day just in time for group. I raced in the door and gave a quick explanation of why I was running late, and my IC asked, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the worst experience I'd ever had, and 10 being absolutely exhilarating, how would I rate my experience. Without hesitation, I said "A 10!!!" She laughed and said she could tell.

It was sort of an unplanned Outward Bound activity. And I don't think I'll ever forget it. Six miles would have been a stretch. Sixteen -- breaking my own trail during the last few miles, in the pitch dark? Still not sure how I did that. But, there are times when I'm facing something that I'm not sure I can do, and that trip comes into my mind. That, and I remember singing at the top of my lungs as I skiied past where I saw the bear, since I wasn't wearing any 'bear bells,' lol, hoping like crazy that he wasn't so hungry after coming out of hibernation that either me or my trail mix smelled appetizing.  

It was an amazing trip, where I got to experience some of the most gorgeous scenery I've ever seen (pic in my private album was taken then), do a lot of thinking, and prove to myself that I was stronger than I thought I was. 

I actually would like to do something like that again. But, I'll take my regular glasses and a flashlight along, too, just in case. 

In early April, I took DS out there to go snowshoeing. What a difference it makes when you're on a well-marked trail (3 miles this time). Seemed almost too uneventful.


----------



## jpr

Angel, for the past year, you have been taking risks and traveling outside of your comfort zone. ...it all started with this x-country trip.

...and it just keeps getting better and better.

Congratulations on the house!....this is just so exciting.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks, jpr! Just got off the phone with my realtor. We're meeting next on Wednesday to get the results on the estimates she'll be getting by then, and I'll give her a list of priorities of things I'd want taken care of first (after talking it over with my dad), then we'll decide how much we want to ask them to lower the price. She thinks they'll consent to that rather than paying to do the things themselves and taking the chance that they'll lose me as a buyer. 

She seems really savvy. Another one of those situations where the first person you connect with, totally at random, turns out to be awesome. My IC was like that, too.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yes my lawyer was like that - walked into his office a blubbering mess and came out a whole new woman ha ha 

I think a TAM house warming party is in order


----------



## angelpixie

Oooohh yeah -- live online party -- we can hookup the whole group. Excellent idea!! 

I have no idea how to accomplish this, but there must be a way.


----------



## angelpixie

And Happy TAMiversary to me!! One year.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Oooohh yeah -- live online party -- we can hookup the whole group. Excellent idea!!
> 
> I have no idea how to accomplish this, but there must be a way.


I would say skype but some folks may not be comfortable with that given the abuses seen on skype in the CWI section. 

Happy Anniversary (TAM) Angel


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> I would say skype but some folks may not be comfortable with that *given the abuses seen on skype in the CWI section. *
> 
> Happy Anniversary (TAM) Angel


Oh, I wasn't aware of that.  I use Skype pretty much everyday (just for text). It's pretty awesome.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Oh, I wasn't aware of that.  I use Skype pretty much everyday (just for text). It's pretty awesome.


I use skype a lot... used it yesterday as I could not physically attend a committee meeting and I just skyped in. 

Maybe you could find out who is comfortable.


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## 06Daddio08

Just saying hi Angel! I saw your PM but I'm too drunk to give you a decent reply!! Xoxo!


----------



## angelpixie

06Daddio08 said:


> Just saying hi Angel! I saw your PM but I'm too drunk to give you a decent reply!! Xoxo!


Hey, sweetie!! Glad you're having a good time! (and I'll take an indecent reply, too.  ) :rofl:


----------



## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> (and I'll take an indecent reply, too.  )


my thoughts exactly. glad you said it and not me, bear skier.


----------



## angelpixie

Mwah! to both of you. 

I wish I could borrow some of your super-masculine strength today. Going on a little road trip to buy a vintage MCM sleeper sofa. Form and function, don't you know. 

The guy up there said he can help me get it into the Subi. I figure I'll punt once I get back to town.  Or, I'll just drive around with it in my car til I close on the house. What's a month of that, right? What could possibly go wrong? :rofl:


----------



## 06Daddio08

angelpixie said:


> Hey, sweetie!! Glad you're having a good time! (and I'll take an indecent reply, too.  ) :rofl:


I had a great night (from what I can remember), full of drinking and busting moves on the dance floor.


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## angelpixie

I realized another 'anniversary' -- It was the first dance in March last year that I tried contra for the first time. March was also when I started STFC. Last March was a big turning point for me, apparently. I think I reached that lowest point in late Jan til Valentine's Day last year, based on some things Ex told me, rewriting our relationship, or revealing lies he'd been telling me. Getting past that super low period spurred me to do a lot of things, to take risks to try things I hadn't done before. It was an extremely painful time to get through, but I guess I ended up handling it the right way. 

I've held on to the good things that came from it (like TAM, contra, STFC, the ability to try new things and take more risks), and those things he said no longer cause the pain they once did. I'm able to consider the source, and know that I will probably never know for sure what was true or not, but that's part of the situation when one deals with a person with his issues. In a way, it's a small blessing. I know I CAN'T figure it out, so I no longer NEED to figure it out.

I can just go about working on me and living my life. DTUSF!


----------



## Freak On a Leash

angelpixie said:


> I got back to town the next day just in time for group. I raced in the door and gave a quick explanation of why I was running late, and my IC asked, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being the worst experience I'd ever had, and 10 being absolutely exhilarating, how would I rate my experience. Without hesitation, I said "A 10!!!" She laughed and said she could tell.
> 
> It was sort of an unplanned Outward Bound activity. And I don't think I'll ever forget it. Six miles would have been a stretch. Sixteen -- breaking my own trail during the last few miles, in the pitch dark? Still not sure how I did that. But, there are times when I'm facing something that I'm not sure I can do, and that trip comes into my mind. That, and I remember singing at the top of my lungs as I skiied past where I saw the bear, since I wasn't wearing any 'bear bells,' lol, hoping like crazy that he wasn't so hungry after coming out of hibernation that either me or my trail mix smelled appetizing.
> 
> It was an amazing trip, where I got to experience some of the most gorgeous scenery I've ever seen (pic in my private album was taken then), do a lot of thinking, and prove to myself that I was stronger than I thought I was.
> 
> I actually would like to do something like that again. But, I'll take my regular glasses and a flashlight along, too, just in case.
> 
> In early April, I took DS out there to go snowshoeing. What a difference it makes when you're on a well-marked trail (3 miles this time). Seemed almost too uneventful.


Wow..I read stuff like this and REALLY want to move out West. Hopefully I'll be on my way in the next 3-5 years..Glad to see you have an ultra cool attitude about this.:smthumbup: I really envy that you are out doing these things. Something about a moonlight hike on a snow covered trail that sounds so awesome! 

Your story reminds me of last fall (early October) when I took a hike in the Catskills. It was part of a 4 day solo camping trip. First day I hiked the Espcarpment Trail at the height of the foliage season. It's a great trail. Very scenic, mountainous and a heck of a lot of fun. 

I pushed it because I just didn't want to stop and it got late and it started getting dark. The Light was fading fast and was basically glad that the trail markers were yellow. I was cursing myself because I didn't bring my head lamp and could barely see. I'd fallen down right into a stream and the right side of my body was sopping wet. I stumbled along over the rocks and finally got to the end of trail, broke through the trees and found the road back to my car. By then it was pitch black out. I'd hiked about 10 miles over some really rocky uphill trails and loved it. 

Went back to my campsite, built a fire and did it again the next day. And the next day. The last day I packed up my Jeep to go home. It was the last day that the campground was open and I was the last one there. I jumped in to start the Jeep and of course the battery was dead. I had to flag down a Ranger to jump start my batteru, drive to the local NAPA store, buy a new battery and put it in myself. 

And of course I'm making plans to do it this all again. Well, I'll omit the hike in the dark and the dead battery part. 

I've been doing stuff like that for years though. But I'd love to do it out west. XC skiing sounds awesome. So does snowshoeing but we don't get anough SNOW around here to do that. Only reason I can ski is that they make the damn white stuff! 

BTW, my divorce date is set for Monday, April 1st. Almost as good as Valentines Day. :smthumbup:


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## Dollystanford

It's amazing to think that this time last year I couldn't stop crying, was desperately trying to get him to come home, couldn't imagine my marriage being dead. 

And now here I am - I don't think I've been genuinely miserable in months, things have just HAPPENED and I'm starting to realise it was him that was stopping them from happening

We're a whole new woman Angelface. Well, two whole new women


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## angelpixie

Sofa mission accomplished. Found the place just fine, and the piece was in great shape, aside from the worn upholstery I already saw in the photos. Really nice young couple, both helped me get it up from the basement and into the car. If I'd thought to unscrew the legs, we could have gotten it all the way in and shut the tailgate. But instead I rode back with the tailgate tied down part of the way. 

Had juuuuust enough room to sorta back up to the door of my storage unit. My thought was to slide it out of the car and directly into the unit, then tip it up on its end. Well, that didn't work because it wouldn't clear the tailgate when I tipped it. This time I remembered the legs! Totally made the difference. It's now in the storage unit, which will now hold absolutely nothing else, lol. 

Including the gas, the money for the sofa, and a new pad I can get on Amazon, I'll still be out only about $80. Darn good deal, I think. So I've been scouting for authentic-to-the-era fabric, and I've sent away for some free samples. I love the internets! Found a few places that sell really high end fabric, like Herman Miller, for a great price. Cuz I don't do shabby.


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## angelpixie

A friend just posted this on FB. I know it's photoshopped, but it's the perfect companion to the Nympho Librarian. :rofl:


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## angelpixie

Our group will be dancing again, and for a local situation this time. Our University football team has a crime problem. For years, players have been arrested for everything from DUIs, underage possession, armed robbery (including a few of them breaking into a home while the owners were there), and, especially, rape. Unfortunately, like in many places in America, the athletes on the football team (which has won a few various championships from division to national in the last 10 or so years) can do no wrong as far as some fans are concerned. Even when the legal system says otherwise. At the beginning of this year, a former player was sentenced for raping a childhood friend as she slept. During the trial, another woman testified that he'd done the same to her. He admitted one rape during a monitored phone call to the victim. His sentence? 30 years, 20 suspended, eligible for parole in 2 1/2. He is a Tier 1 sex offender - considered the lowest risk.

This week, the team QB was acquitted of rape. The victim was outed, her story graphically portrayed over and over, and yet, he was acquitted after 2 1/2 hours and was today reinstated on the team, to the great cheers of the alumni and boosters.

Our University has been under investigation by the Justice Department, the NCAA, and written up in media all over the country. Heads have rolled in the administration, including one of the VP's, who wondered if a rape victim violated the Student Code of Conduct when she spoke publicly about her case, but noticeably didn't wonder the same thing about male students who rape female students. He also caused a bit of a stir when emails were discovered in which he directed a Dean to use the term 'date rape' instead of 'gang rape' when two female students were attacked by several males students, possibly after being drugged.

So, tomorrow hundreds of us are gathering on the main bridge that runs through downtown during evening rush, to protest and show our support for this victim. It took a lot of courage to come forward as she did. We are worried that the acquittal will have a very bad effect on this community, driving victims underground. Nobody will want to go through what she just did. 

This time, will be different for me. Due to our schedule, I'll have DS with me. I'm thinking about how I want to explain this to him. As a young man, he's going to be exposed to a lot of really bad attitudes and peer pressure. I don't want him to feel bad about himself as a man, or to absorb anything negative because of bad choices other males have made. That's not fair to him, and not what I want to teach him. But I do want him to see that there is a large part of our community that doesn't think this is OK or that these are young men whose 'lives are ruined' by going to jail or being accused of a crime -- with nothing said about the young women and what happened to their lives. (this was actually said by team supporters)

I'm hoping that the protest, and dance, which is planned to be peaceful and show support rather than vent anger will be a good starting point for a conversation with him.

It is a very sobering parenting moment.


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## vi_bride04

I would think he is going to be proud of his mom....that should take precedent over any negativity that may be around. 

Damn angel, you are very inspirational. I am moved by the support you are showing these victims. 

 I'm sure you will figure out just what and how to talk to DS. You are a great mom with a big heart.


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## Ikaika

Angel

I totally support your effort. It is however sad that NCAA sports all over the country allows and almost condones this activity. Seen this in every university system I have associated with. 

My heart will be with you.


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## Orpheus

curious juxtaposition to your recent sig, AP.


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## angelpixie

Ha - I wondered if anyone would bring that up. Either that or the pic I posted earlier. Not surprised it was you, O.

It's all about one word: consent. 

Once it's freely given, then it's up to the parties involved to decide how freaky their cataloging and indexing gets. 

I'm sorry if the sig line indicated anything to the contrary. That wasn't my intention.


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## K.C.

Angel that is awesome.

You re right S will be exposed to all sorts of things either directly or indirectly.. I am firmly of the opinion you can't hide your kids from the world's "dark side" but you can introduce them to that side of it in the way you see fit rather than leaving it to someone else.

The sentences for sexual crimes disgust me in this country too. You get punished more harshly for stealing property. I could rant about that all day!

You have to be careful with individual cases as there are plenty of people willing to make false accusations but for those that have been through it for real, it is hugely traumatic to relive it in the public eye and they deserve all the support and respect available. 

There is something about that sort of crime that means it takes huge amounts of courage to come forward and I salute everyone that finds that courage.


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## Dollystanford

Don't even get me started on this....!


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## EnjoliWoman

Angel, that's a great thing you are doing with your son. I know too many parents who want to shelter their children and keep them little and as much as I loved kiddo's innocence, I'd be doing her a disservice if I painted the world in pastels to her.

We have talked about date rape, rape drugs, behavior that sends the wrong message (not to blame the victim but what being a 'tease' can do) and we talk about crime (her dad is in the legal/CJ field) and the inequities in the legal system, etc. And also about not being quick to judge until you know all of the facts.


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## angelpixie

Whew! Home at last! Wet, freezing, and hungry, lol, but home.

Meeting with realtor was less than conclusive, unfortunately. She was able to get neither an electrician or a HVAC person into the house, due to scheduling and getting into the house itself. However, she and an electrician should be able to get in tomorrow. Surprisingly, someone from the power company did get out there, and gave us another surprise. The meter isn't as new as we thought, and doesn't include a whole-house breaker. So, if there was a fire, for example, the firefighters would not enter until someone from the power company came out and shut off the electricity at the pole. Not good. The electrician my realtor uses, gave her a rough estimate, based on needing a new meter (which includes this breaker), masting the wire on the roof, and installing a grounding rod (if needed) at about $1600. We're going to ask that the sellers fix that, up to a total of $2K, in case there are surprises. 

The furnace estimate she got was between $3500-$4000 for the furnace and installation, plus extension of the duct. So, a bit less than we though, minus tax rebates, incentives, etc., for using an Energy Star furnace.

I got to see the roofing estimate today, and that had a very pleasant surprise. It included not only the house roof, but new roofs for *both* garages, with very high quality shingles as well. Yay!! That will be paid for by the sellers and done right away. So I will not have to foot the bill for those roofs down the line, as I thought I would.

So, provided we don't get any surprises from the electrician, we have the crux of our final offer. It is a matter of safety to me, not cosmetics, so I'm firm on this. It may mean I walk away. I hope not. There's really nothing else on the market right now. 

So, I wish I had some more finality after the meeting, but maybe tomorrow.

--------------------------------

As I raced from that meeting to pick DS up from his fencing class, it started to rain a little. Then blow. Then hail. We even had lightning as we walked to the park.  It was absolutely freezing, soaking and miserable, but there was still a great turnout on the bridge -- totally lined the entire thing. I was very heartened to see many whole families up there. Not many of us dancing, lol, but still a great time. We went through it twice while people were filling the bridge, and when we finished the first time, the sun broke out, to the cheers of the crowd. 

One of my Y friends came with her little girl, and they walked DS up to the bridge. I had given him some daffodils to drop, and when they walked up to us, he very adorably got down on one knee and gave one to the little girl. She's 6, and I don't think he knows she has a crush on him.  He off-handedly mentioned afterward that she didn't throw his flower off the bridge, but kept it.  Such a sweetie, he is.

He had heard about the trial, but didn't really realize what it was about. Overall, I think it was a positive way for me to lead into a talk with him. I realized it was also the first time he's seen me dance outside of contra, so that was fun to share with him. :smthumbup:

OK -- time for some cocoa!!


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## Ikaika

BTW, Angel thought I would let you know how nice it is here. 78 light trade winds...


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## angelpixie

So we turned in our response to the home inspection, noting that in spite of the comments about the old, inefficient furnace, and several other things mentioned in the report, the biggest things to me were those electrical items. We were foiled in our attempt to get an electrician in to do an actual estimate today. My realtor had the keys, but the electrician was held longer on the job he was doing and couldn't get to her in time. But we're sure that the amount we specified will more than cover what needs to be done. And she specified that to me, this is not just cosmetic, it's a safety issue. 

I hope they realize that anyone who is interested in the property is going to be told the same things I was. And FHA would probably not even do a loan for that place because of that meter/masting/house breaker issue. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they'll agree to do it. That will still leave the rest of the individual outlets that aren't already grounded for me to take care of, but that's OK. I'm not sure how long they have to reply. We only gave them about 12-18 hours for the original buy/sell, so I doubt this would be any different.

Sigh. Trying to keep positive.


----------



## TBT

for you ap!


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## angelpixie

OTOH, STFC was tonight. I usually ask Ex if he'll have his time with DS during the evening on STFC day so that I can go, and he has since I started going back to class in August. For some reason, this week got away from me, and I realized this morning that I hadn't asked him. I did, and apologized and told him if he couldn't I'd make other arrangements. He was very agreeable, and even said he'd pick DS up at my place if I came out to get him afterwards. Less than an hour before then, he called to ask if I could bring him out, too, as he'd had a migraine all day, and just wasn't up to driving yet. I know he gets migraines when he's under a lot of stress. I'm really surprised he agreed to have DS over tonight. That was very nice of him, I thought. And I could tell when I walked DS to the door to thank him that he wasn't faking. Hm. 


And class was a lot of fun. Tried my own pair of 7" heels (with 1" platform in front). It's amazing what things are easier to do in those heels than in bare feet, and what's more difficult. :rofl:

And I achieved backwards-somersault-into-sexy-pose-thingy tonight! :smthumbup: 

I raced back to my place after dropping DS off because I realized I forgot to print a free class coupon I wanted to use. When I did, just for the heck of it, I grabbed the mp3 player that has the STFC playlist for when I teach.  Teacher forgot her ipod, and was playing god knows what, but it was too fast. Finally, at lap dance time, she was getting really frustrated and I told her I had my player. "Do you have anything slow on there?"  

To the delight of my other frequent co-student, I put on Glory Box by Portishead. Perfect. 

I think I'll make it a practice to put that player in my purse every week, just in case. 

And after class, she told me the studio wants me to sign paperwork as her permanent sub. Squeee!


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## angelpixie

Thanks, TBT!!


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## angelpixie

Had another dance -- this was a noontime performance in the atrium of the student union building. About 25 of us. Scheduled just this morning. I guess I'll have to adopt the policy of 'Have yoga pants, will travel.' :rofl: I wore a sweater dress & heels today, so that wouldn't have worked out at all.  It was decided that this will probably be an ongoing group, popping up here and there when related or topical events related to the topic of domestic and/or sexual violence occur in town. (One guy suggested we show up at spring football practice  )

******************

Unfortunately, when I got back to my desk, I had a text waiting from my realtor reminding me that the original buy/sell gave us until the 7th to respond to the home inspection (which we did), and then they have til the 11th to respond to that. So, it may be a long, frustrating weekend. 


Planning on taking DS out with his telescope tonight. We've had rare clear skies these last few days, and got in some great stargazing just from the car windows last night when I picked him up from Ex. Then, tomorrow night, my friend and I will see Les Mis here in the Univ theater cheap seats. That oughta cheer me up.  Movie, soda and popcorn for about $6. One of those benefits of being low-paid staff.


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## vi_bride04

I have to ask, angel, has all this dancing helped your waistline?? You have been dancing so much I just imagine you looking so good 

I need to look into those classes...I think I would love it and am ready to do something more than dance in my living room by myself....lol

Try not to worry about the house this weekend too much. It will all work out.


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## angelpixie

Actually, the fact that we do the core work does help. When we had to go on break over the holidays, we all noticed it, even the teacher, lol.

Definitely see if you can find a class, it's one of the highlights of my week. 

I'm keeping positive about the house. We're sooooo close!!!


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## angelpixie

Kind of hard to get clear shots due to it being dusk, and my shooting towards the West, but I just saw 3 deer in the neighbors' yard, 2 houses down from mine. Incredibly tame -- I don't know if you can see it, but in the 1st shot, there's actually someone walking on the street near them. There was also a loose dog running around. He didn't even bark at them (!), and neither seemed bothered by the other. The deer just kept munching on some grass, and the dog kept running on his way. It was a malamute, so it looked even funnier to see this wolf-looking dog just ignoring deer. That's the kind we had when I was a kid, and he must have known, because he came running over to me with that sweet smiley face they have.  



















Might be fewer sightings starting soon, as it's finally warming up, and the deer will be heading back up to the hills.


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## angelpixie

Re: the house. Still in a holding pattern. 

They extended the expiration of the buy/sell til tomorrow, as they contacted us so late in the day, we really didn't have time to check out other options. I didn't post it here, but my realtor called me late Friday afternoon after speaking to the sellers' agent. She had spoken to the husband of the couple, and he was ready to agree, but his wife was out of town and he needed to confirm with her first. The two agents were pretty sure that it would be accepted, but just to be safe, my agent didn't order the appraisal just yet (I have to pay over $400 for that). Well, all weekend, I kept waiting to here the 'OK', but it never came. Today at 3:30, the sellers' agent finally called mine to say that the wife did not go along with what we asked. In spite of the electrical being a safety issue, and my agreeing to take on the grounding of the rest of the outlets, the much higher expense of replacing the furnace, etc., etc., they felt they had put in enough by replacing the roofs and covering most of the closing costs. 

Back in my court. The two realtors are trying to get this to go, realizing that both sides are kind of at the end of what they can do. My realtor had the idea to talk to the roofer and get him to break up the estimate into separate bids for the house and each of the two garages. Then maybe we'd ask the sellers to pay for the work on the main house and the electrical, if it came close to what they agreed to pay for all 3 roofs. It took til about 6:30, but we got the detailed estmate, and the numbers look perfect for that idea. The sellers' agent agreed to give us til tomorrow on the buy/sell, and my agent is re-writing our proposal to have them cover the house roof and the electrical work. If that flies, I will cover the small garage myself. It is in worse shape than the house roof, and I don't really want to ask my 70 year old dad to help with that. I can swing it. 

I got the newest quarterly statement on my retirement account. It went up enough that after the QDRO, Ex will be able to increase what he pays me right from that, and cut out his final payment in November. So, I'll be fully repaid in early July, and the financial dealings with him will be over sooner. Yay!

So, I hope this will be done tomorrow. In a good way.


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## Dollystanford

I have everything crossed angelface, except for my eyes 

mwah mwah


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## unsure78

Dollystanford said:


> I have everything crossed angelface, except for my eyes
> 
> mwah mwah


that made me laugh hard Dolly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soca70

angelpixie said:


> Kind of hard to get clear shots due to it being dusk, and my shooting towards the West, but I just saw 3 deer in the neighbors' yard, 2 houses down from mine. Incredibly tame -- I don't know if you can see it, but in the 1st shot, there's actually someone walking on the street near them. There was also a loose dog running around. He didn't even bark at them (!), and neither seemed bothered by the other. The deer just kept munching on some grass, and the dog kept running on his way. It was a malamute, so it looked even funnier to see this wolf-looking dog just ignoring deer. That's the kind we had when I was a kid, and he must have known, because he came running over to me with that sweet smiley face they have.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Might be fewer sightings starting soon, as it's finally warming up, and the deer will be heading back up to the hills.


You have stolen my avatar!


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## angelpixie

Hahaha, Soca! :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

After going slightly crazy all day wondering what's going on, I finally heard from my realtor. It looks like the sellers are OK with putting in the same amount of money they originally agreed to, and having part of it go towards the electrical, rather than all towards the roof. This is great, because that means I will be paying about $300 less for the garage roof than I thought last night.









So, why don't I feel relieved?  Not feeling well physically, so maybe that has something to do with it. Seeing my doctor first thing in the morning.

On a happier note, I inadvertently weaned myself off my last anti-depressant. By that I mean I hadn't planned to, just yet. My sucky memory caused me to forget to call the mail-order pharmacy for a refill to the point that I had to stretch them out by taking them every other day, then every third day. Finally, it dawned on me that I wasn't noticing any negative effects of this, and that I was basically tapering down as if I was quitting. So, I'll just keep not taking them and see how I do. That leaves me just on thyroid and my semi-speed pill. That's it. Saves beaucoup bucks per month, too, so Yay, sucky memory! :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

Now I'll have enough in my FSA to get those breast implants I've been wanting! :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


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## unsure78

Hey Angel i had some pretty severe physical effects the first time I tried to ween off my AD. Do you think that may be your issue? btw Yea House!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Hi, Unsure. I don't think so, but I'll have my doc take a look tomorrow. I went off this one before, when I tried to get pregnant, and I don't honestly remember having problems. 

But thanks for asking, sweetie!


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## Orpheus

angelpixie said:


> Now I'll have enough in my FSA to get those breast implants I've been wanting! :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


it's like i never went away.


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## angelpixie

Oh, you were gone? 

(Mwah!)


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## angelpixie

OK, since it looks like I'll be getting the house, I guess I can start having fun with it now. As I mentioned before (I think), I want to decorate according to when the house was built, so generally mid-century modern. My dad gave an audible groan when I told him. I guess he doesn't have fond memories of this as a design style? :scratchhead: :rofl: To me, it just says 'fun' and that's what I want now. 

But, alas, how to integrate modern technology into mid-mod decor? I do have a great wooden console TV cabinet that I got free on Craigslist. I put a bookshelf where the TV used to be, but even if I took that out and put a TV or monitor in there, it's closer to the floor than I'd like. Putting it on top of the console is...dumb. And I want to have a computer as a media server/player in the LR, too. I hit upon these, and I think I'd like to create something like them. Cuz, of course, I don't have enough projects to work on. 

To house the CPU, something like this:

















And to house the monitor, something like this:









Gotta work a hi-fi in there, too, somehow...


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## Dollystanford

God angel if you had a boob job you'd look like Lolo Ferrari


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## angelpixie

Off to google that...

ETA: Oh holy crap!  No, no, no -- they'd be much more tasteful than that. Maybe a simple 'G' cup?


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## Dollystanford

I always think as long as they are big enough to suffocate a man they're alright by me!

'I'm sorry officer, he was certainly enjoying it the last time I looked!'


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, god, now I have to find that news story again.

ETA: Culled from two separate incidences in the same news article:
"She mistook his flailing for excitement, until she noticed that he had stopped moving and appeared to not be breathing. Luckily, the man regained consciousness, but the two broke up shortly thereafter."


"'I asked her why she wanted to smother me to death with her breasts and she told me: ‘Treasure – I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible,’” he said."


O. M. G. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Ah packing. And starting with that last bag of stuff he gave me a couple of weeks ago. That last jumble of stuff from the top shelf of the bathroom closet, and stuff from the back of our bedroom closet. Taken out of the boxes they were in and all dumped in a brown paper grocery bag and left for me outside on the front porch. Long-hair doodads I don't need to keep because I don't have long hair anymore. Bath powder I got from his mother one year for Christmas. Odd jewelry store boxes: baby jewelry of mine; a couple things from my grandmothers; the jewelry I wore when I got married; two nice sets I got from ex. Other odds and ends. Sorting through it all. Some donated, others tossed. A few I'll sell. A few I'll keep. 

I managed not to cry. To just look at each thing as a mere object. Tried hard to disassociate the item from the occasion or the memory.

I think I'm done. I fold up the grocery bag to recycle and I hear something in the bottom. 


His wedding ring.


Now I no longer have to wonder what he did with it.


----------



## Dollystanford

He did it to make a point. In his typical passive aggressive way. To show you that the marriage meant nothing to him. 

There must be something in the water because I had a text from Tosspot last night telling me that he wished our marriage had never happened and that he could get the time back. That everything was my fault. This is the first text of the kind I've had from him in about 9 months. 

I'm sorry you aren't where I am, which is at the point where I just felt pity for what a pathetic excuse for a man he is. The whining pity party, the expectation that I should somehow be grateful for any attention he might deign to give me, the rewriting of history to paint himself as something other than a lying, cheating coward. 

They can't bear the thought that we're fine without them, stronger even. 

Sell the ring, buy something nice for yourself. Don't put it towards paying down debt or anything like that. See it as an extra little bonus. New dress, new shoes I don't know. Thanks Chinless, you utter f*cking muppet. You're too decent a person to wish misery upon him. I'm not, I hope his business and relationship both fail in spectacular style


----------



## angelpixie

No, I don't pity him. He purposely makes decisions to lie, use all people for his own gain, and to specifically do things he knows will hurt me. That's makes him an as$ hole. I don't pity as$holes. I don't care if he has mental issues. They're not so bad that he can't function, as I saw displayed to a huge degree at the fencing photos this week. 

And oooohh yes, passive-aggressive. He didn't have to give the ring back. He could have sold it (since he's so desperately poverty stricken), he could have thrown it in the trash. I'd never have to know. He did it as a final Fvck you, you're right. Again, not pitiable.

Oh well, it will make it just that much easier to purge even more. I will save a few things for DS, but not nearly as much as I'd planned to. Less to drag around with me when I move. 

And yes, I'll be selling the two wedding bands and my engagement ring. And the anniversary ring he was so insistent on buying and seeing me wear. Which I now know was a guilt gift. Another trip in my future? 

Onward and upward, Darling Dolly. :smthumbup:


----------



## NoWhere

That had to be tough Angel. What a jerk to put his ring in there. Such a obvious planned thought out act just to hurt you. He doesn't deserve you even thinking about him. Just try and forget it and him. You've got too much going on right now to worry about him. Its not worth it. You're awesome and deserve so much better. We love ya!!


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> No, I don't pity him. He purposely makes decisions to lie, use all people for his own gain, and to specifically do things he knows will hurt me. That's makes him an as$ hole. I don't pity as$holes. I don't care if he has mental issues. They're not so bad that he can't function, as I saw displayed to a huge degree at the fencing photos this week.
> 
> And oooohh yes, passive-aggressive. He didn't have to give the ring back. He could have sold it (since he's so desperately poverty stricken), he could have thrown it in the trash. I'd never have to know. He did it as a final Fvck you, you're right. Again, not pitiable.
> 
> Oh well, it will make it just that much easier to purge even more. I will save a few things for Ethan, but not nearly as much as I'd planned to. Less to drag around with me when I move.
> 
> And yes, I'll be selling the two wedding bands and my engagement ring. And the anniversary ring he was so insistent on buying and seeing me wear. Which I now know was a guilt gift. Another trip in my future?
> 
> Onward and upward, Darling Dolly. :smthumbup:


What a d**k . I like your idea of looking at objects as "objects" and not mementos. Easy to say, hard to do I know. Keep plugging along, AP!


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> No, I don't pity him. He purposely makes decisions to lie, use all people for his own gain, and to specifically do things he knows will hurt me. That's makes him an as$ hole. I don't pity as$holes. I don't care if he has mental issues. They're not so bad that he can't function, as I saw displayed to a huge degree at the fencing photos this week.
> 
> And oooohh yes, passive-aggressive. He didn't have to give the ring back. He could have sold it (since he's so desperately poverty stricken), he could have thrown it in the trash. I'd never have to know. He did it as a final Fvck you, you're right. Again, not pitiable.
> 
> Oh well, it will make it just that much easier to purge even more. I will save a few things for Ethan, but not nearly as much as I'd planned to. Less to drag around with me when I move.
> 
> And yes, I'll be selling the two wedding bands and my engagement ring. And the anniversary ring he was so insistent on buying and seeing me wear. Which I now know was a guilt gift. Another trip in my future?
> 
> Onward and upward, Darling Dolly. :smthumbup:


AP - if you wouldn't mind bringing me up to speed on part of your story, why does your X act this way towards you if he is the one that chose to leave and with an OW? It seems a lot of times, the WS overcompensates the other way due to guilt.


----------



## angelpixie

He has totally blameshifted and painted me black, Soca. He is on disability for mental illness -- diagnosed with depression, OCD and anxiety. But *very* strong traits of both narcissistic and borderline PDs, too. That's what narcissists, in particular, do -- when you stop feeding their need for attention and adoration, then they are done with you, and history totally changes. Living with a person like that is a mindfvck (technical term, lol), and the break-up process is no better. Someone just posted something in LAD about breaking up from a narcissist. A lot of it rang true. I actually found TAM after being on a forum for people who had relationships with narcissists. 

Interestingly, the girl he's with now has many of her own issues, which he was more than willing to point out to me when she was dating a friend of his. She dumped that friend partly because she couldn't deal with his depression. Ironic. And he counseled that friend to help him through it. And then ended up with her himself. Another match made in heaven. 

He had no real guilt at all, from what I can tell. Professed words, cried tears (very easy for him to turn on and off), but no actions to back them up. Disordered people don't have true emotions and empathy, though they may try. They often do what they think they should. I saw that a lot.


----------



## soca70

Thanks for the background, AP. I just read up on NPD and BPD and that doesn't apply to my situation. For some reason, BPD reminds me of "Girl, Interrupted" with Winona Ryder. I'm glad that you were able to find resources that allowed you to recognize this behavior and possibly provide advice for you on how to deal with it.

It is so interesting to me how well-balanced and reasonable and clear you are on TAM vs your story. Do you think that's been a result of the work you've done on yourself since your D-day? I just don't see you as somebody b*****g because the trash didn't get taken out.


----------



## cantmove

Nutless left his on a bookshelf in our bedroom on his way out the door. I left it there for months. I finally picked it up and thought about what a slap in the face that was to me. So I went downstairs and hummed the f#cking thing out the backdoor.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I never got an engagement ring - only had a band, even though I hinted at one for our 10-year anniversary. But like most "special" days it went unrecognized. So I sold my band for the gold and took myself out for a nice dinner. 

Damn I'll be so easy to make happy after the low bar he set. If I get a Christmas or Birthday gift for any reason it'll be WOW even though my "love language" isn't gifts.


----------



## Pbartender

Years ago, my wife loved wearing her engagement ring, even after we got married. She wore it so often, it became worn and eventually the band broke. Still, she kept the pieces.

The Christmas before last -- the last Christmas before we separated -- I ran across the broken engagement ring stashed away in its box in a drawer. I took it out, and had it repaired and restored. It was perfect... just like new when I proposed to her and gave it to her. I wrapped it, and gave it to her as a surprise Christmas present.

She wore it once, and then never again. Now, she's gotten it hidden away somewhere with our wedding bands.


Pb.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

How sweet. 

I know we all have our faults; I'm not deluded there. But there are just so many genuinely good guys who have been dumped on and all I ever wanted was a good guy. 

Someday another woman's trash will be my treasure and I won't let him forget it.


----------



## Dollystanford

ooh that reminds me, I still have mine to sell! :smthumbup:


----------



## unsure78

I sold mine about a month before the divorce was final... Im not sure what happened to his, he never wore it anyway when we were married, only to family functions... oh well really dont care anymore


----------



## angelpixie

Teach wants me to sub for her at STFC tonight. So not feeling it. A combination of things, I think. But I know she's in a pinch, and the extra $25 is nice. I was actually thinking of skipping, so maybe the universe is telling me not to.  Heavy sigh.

Spoke to the house inspector, who came to work to get his check from me. He asked whether or not we were able to get anything else from the sellers. After explaining, he told me we should find out who installed the meter without the breaker, and too close to the gas meter. That to him, it all looked like pretty recent work. If so, we might be able to ask for some money back since it wasn't done correctly and we're having to re-do it now. Left a message for my realtor. That would be really nice, if true. Not really thinking there's much hope for that, though.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, the Angel-sass is starting to return. Trying to think up some new things for STFC tonight, and I am inspired. :smthumbup: After I take DS to practice, I'm going to the Catholic schools' thrift store near me. They always have a $1 rack, so I hope I can get some neckties & mens' button-down shirts. And I will stifle a naughty giggle 'cuz I know where they're going.  

I've grown thankful for this freedom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Orpheus

^ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qU8UfYdKHvs


----------



## angelpixie

Dark. Just the way I like it. 


*********

Mission accomplished. I guess I need to keep the receipt for these so I can deduct them as a business expense when I do my taxes next year.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

OK I'm lost. I went back 3 pages trying to figure out what the shirt and tie is for.


----------



## angelpixie

I have been taking a Strip Tease Fitness Class for about a year, and my teacher asks me to substitute teach for her once in a while. So, I got shirts and ties so that we could use them as props in a routine. I like using mens' shirts along with the ties.


----------



## NoWhere

angelpixie said:


> I have been taking a Strip Tease Fitness Class for about a year, and my teacher asks me to substitute teach for her once in a while. So, I got shirts and ties so that we could use them as props in a routine. I like using mens' shirts along with the ties.


 That is so sexy Angel!! 

Sorry had to chime in on that one.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Ah! Very cool!  I love wearing mens' stuff. Nothing sexier than a white shirt and nothing else!


----------



## 06Daddio08

It appears to have been a good decision to do it after all.


----------



## angelpixie

I knew there was a reason I hated packing and moving. Put in a good day of it though, and DS did a great job of going through and getting rid of stuff. I got through a box of baby pictures of DS and divided all the doubles between Ex and me (except ones with me or my family in them). Have a bunch of singles to scan. Who was that guy smiling and holding that beautiful baby?  

*Sigh*


Time for a quick dinner, and then a night of contra. I'm already a tired puppy!


----------



## K.C.

Hadn't checked in for a while but sounds like it's coming together.

I hate cleaning out the junk cupboard let alone packing and moving!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Moving can be so liberating! A great chance to get rid of stuff. Forced purging.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I also dislike moving. Happy once I settle in but the process... no thanks.


----------



## vi_bride04

EnjoliWoman said:


> Moving can be so liberating! A great chance to get rid of stuff. Forced purging.


:iagree:


----------



## Ikaika

Has anyone heard from Angel (PM or email)?... I know no news can be good news, but I have not heard from her recently.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yah she be chillin


----------



## angelpixie

^^ Not currently. Fvcking nightmare of a day. Lost 4 pounds in the last 4 days though.  Maybe I should start dissolving vitamins in my black coffee, since that's kind of what I'm living on lately.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> ^^ Not currently. Fvcking nightmare of a day. Lost 4 pounds in the last 4 days though.  Maybe I should start dissolving vitamins in my black coffee, since that's kind of what I'm living on lately.


Sorry to hear...


----------



## Lifescript

You sound stressed. Take it easy angel. Hope things turn around soon.


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> ^^ Not currently. Fvcking nightmare of a day. Lost 4 pounds in the last 4 days though.  Maybe I should start dissolving vitamins in my black coffee, since that's kind of what I'm living on lately.


AP - take care. This too shall pass. And I'm familiar with the all-caffeine diet as well!


----------



## angelpixie

Stress is through the roof lately. Work is a nightmare, and looks like it will be for the next month or so, at least.

Thought the house situation was in a holding pattern til next week, which would be the earliest the appraiser could come. No, actually she's coming tomorrow or Friday, then we find out the final verdict on whether the roof has to be done, or the money in escrow and the roofing job scheduled before the closing. The mortgage guy let me know today that he sent in the paperwork for final approval. He's confident that the lender will say that escrow is fine. I have papers coming from my realtor tomorrow morning in my email for electronic signature for the final (supposedly OK) counter-counter-offer. And closing is still scheduled for approximately 10 days from now. She told me today that she's pitching in $100 of her own money towards my electrical repairs. She's a super peach, and I'm recommending her to everyone.

DS was supposed to have a dental appointment tomorrow, but the office called to tell me they were informed that he didn't have insurance. Multiple frantic calls to the state children's insurance office finally got that error straightened out, as they were converting to a new system, and somehow, DS' proof of U.S. citizenship was 'lost'. Um. OK. But since it was late in the day by the time someone got back to me, I had to reschedule -- for one of my possible closing days on the house. 

All of which is during Spring Break, while I still have to work, and Ex, of course, does not. DS is, as luck would have it, with me that week, just like during Christmas break. Due to this huge deal at work, I can't work extra at home, and I can't take annual leave since I need that for moving. Ex has not offered to help me out at all with watching DS during any of that time. I don't know what I'm going to do. 

My retirement people had not even received my QDRO as of last week, so obviously, I won't have that money from the divorce settlement in hand at closing, either. Had to make one begging phone call to Dad tonight, and will have to call my brother tomorrow. They knew this might happen, they are totally fine with it, and it's only short-term, but I still didn't want to have to ask.

We did have a good talk about working on the garage so that I can house my inventory in it and use it as a workspace. We aren't concentrating on making it fancy, just insulating it, adding another electrical outlet or two, and getting it in good shape so that I can work in it. Hopefully, we'll make good use of our recycled building materials place and save some money, too.

I finally snuck in the haircut I've been trying to get for 3 weeks, and got home to see that I had a text from my STFC teacher asking me to teach again tomorrow night. I really can't afford not to, and I know she doesn't have anyone else to ask.

In 40 days, I have to be moved out of here, have the place **** and span, and be in my new place. While still working and all of the other stuff I do. I am beginning to feel just a little overwhelmed.


----------



## Forever Changed

Angel.

You can do this. If there is anyone that can do it, it's you. 

I know it is not much consolation, but I pray for you every night.

Stay strong. 

Dan


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> Stress is through the roof lately. Work is a nightmare, and looks like it will be for the next month or so, at least.
> 
> Thought the house situation was in a holding pattern til next week, which would be the earliest the appraiser could come. No, actually she's coming tomorrow or Friday, then we find out the final verdict on whether the roof has to be done, or the money in escrow and the roofing job scheduled before the closing. The mortgage guy let me know today that he sent in the paperwork for final approval. He's confident that the lender will say that escrow is fine. I have papers coming from my realtor tomorrow morning in my email for electronic signature for the final (supposedly OK) counter-counter-offer. And closing is still scheduled for approximately 10 days from now. She told me today that she's pitching in $100 of her own money towards my electrical repairs. She's a super peach, and I'm recommending her to everyone.
> 
> DS was supposed to have a dental appointment tomorrow, but the office called to tell me they were informed that he didn't have insurance. Multiple frantic calls to the state children's insurance office finally got that error straightened out, as they were converting to a new system, and somehow, DS' proof of U.S. citizenship was 'lost'. Um. OK. But since it was late in the day by the time someone got back to me, I had to reschedule -- for one of my possible closing days on the house.
> 
> All of which is during Spring Break, while I still have to work, and Ex, of course, does not. DS is, as luck would have it, with me that week, just like during Christmas break. Due to this huge deal at work, I can't work extra at home, and I can't take annual leave since I need that for moving. Ex has not offered to help me out at all with watching DS during any of that time. I don't know what I'm going to do.
> 
> My retirement people had not even received my QDRO as of last week, so obviously, I won't have that money from the divorce settlement in hand at closing, either. Had to make one begging phone call to Dad tonight, and will have to call my brother tomorrow. They knew this might happen, they are totally fine with it, and it's only short-term, but I still didn't want to have to ask.
> 
> We did have a good talk about working on the garage so that I can house my inventory in it and use it as a workspace. We aren't concentrating on making it fancy, just insulating it, adding another electrical outlet or two, and getting it in good shape so that I can work in it. Hopefully, we'll make good use of our recycled building materials place and save some money, too.
> 
> I finally snuck in the haircut I've been trying to get for 3 weeks, and got home to see that I had a text from my STFC teacher asking me to teach again tomorrow night. I really can't afford not to, and I know she doesn't have anyone else to ask.
> 
> In 40 days, I have to be moved out of here, have the place **** and span, and be in my new place. While still working and all of the other stuff I do. I am beginning to feel just a little overwhelmed.


AP - closing a house sale with the financial part is extremely stressful. Plus planning the logistics of the actual move can be a nightmare as well. Coupled with having to do this on your own, well I think you get the picture...

It sounds like you are doing this but just break it down into the steps you need to do each day for each part of this transaction and transition. I like to make a list and then check it off. It keeps me organized and clear on what needs to be done and what items are outstanding.

You can do this I know. And I also know how overwhelming it feels. I wish your X was being more helpful but you can handle it!


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks for the support, guys. It really means a lot, believe me. Just like the night I was skiing in the dark, I just keep telling myself, 'You don't really have a choice, you just have to keep moving forward.' 

Yep, the wedding ring money is going into a vacation fund, for sure.


----------



## soca70

AP - you hangin' in there?


----------



## angelpixie

Hi, Soca - that's sweet of you to ask. Yes, hanging in there. Just got back from STFC. Felt really good to stretch and move around considering how stressful work has been this week. 

Class went great, I think I'm getting more comfortable with teaching. I'm always worried they're going to ask for their money back or something, but I actually had returning students from last week, and they brought someone new. Yay! And the frequent student who wasn't there last week brought her mom again, and both liked the choreography I put together for last week's class. That meant a lot to me. 


Found out why Ex can't really watch DS for me much over Spring Break. He and posGF are having a show of their photography during our town's monthly art walk on the Friday of that week. This hits a nerve. We did one together right before he gave his first ILYBINILWY speech. Like the same month. It was a hell of a lot of work and expense. It was originally supposed to be for his photos and my vintage, but he was not so subtly shoving me out in favor of another female friend who did photography. I pushed back and made sure at least a corner of the space was for my things. I was making improvements on the office space we rented (putting down a false wood floor, adding lights, built a custom sandwich board to put outside the building, etc.), and we spent at least $300 on framing, wine and snacks. In the end, he sold a print to a friend, and got a job that didn't pay anything. Female friend got in on the job with him, but didn't sell anything, and I sold 3 dresses and a few purses and shoes.  When he told me a few weeks later that he wasn't sure he'd ever loved me, I just felt like "are you kidding me?!" I felt used and duped. One of many such times.

Odd thing: current posGF was there, in hot pink cosplay wig, and a black dress that barely covered her behind. She was drunk and high, and acted like a total lush, hanging all over all the guys, including professors of Ex's that came. Ex was very disgusted at the time. I found that wig laying in the house one time this summer when I went to work on it before he refi'd it into his own name. Strange how things work out, isn't it? 


And once again, where is he getting the money for this, now, too? He keeps pleading poverty. He must think I'm really, really stupid not to notice.

He also planned a two-day trip with DS over next weekend. Problem is, he only has DS one of those days. He planned it and told DS about it, then DS told me. That's how I found out. WTF? These things are supposed to be planned ahead of time and he needs my permission, if it involves a change in where DS is going to be. 

He's getting very bold and pushy all of a sudden. I think it's because he knows I've got a lot on my mind with the house. But he also knows I could use his help with DS, so he is pushing his luck. 

As if I needed more reminders of how manipulative he is.

But at least tomorrow is FRIDAY!!! :smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> Odd thing: current posGF was there, in hot pink cosplay wig, and a black dress that barely covered her behind. She was drunk and high, and acted like a total lush, hanging all over all the guys, including professors of Ex's that came. Ex was very disgusted at the time. I found that wig laying in the house one time this summer when I went to work on it before he refi'd it into his own name. Strange how things work out, isn't it?
> 
> 
> :


Who is she? The Rocky Mountain Lady Gaga? Sounds like a winner...

Do you and X have a formal custody agreement and schedule?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm glad to hear you're holding up and things are looking good.  

As to the weekend with DS if it works in your favor I'd let him but call him out on it. My ex does that stuff all of the time. He asked DD if she wanted to attend a show that was on my weekend - on a Friday. I found out from DD he asked her. She said it was 'just for an evening'. I looked up the event and it was in a town 3 HOURS away. So it would be VERY late by the time they got back - past a time I'd want to be out. 

Called the ex out on it citing the order which states if there are any changes they need to be agreed upon and THEN presented to child. He argued what was the point in asking if DD didn't want to go? He needed to know if she was interested. I said he still needed to ask me before approaching her; if she wanted to go I would have swapped weekends. But not this time. Not unless he discusses it in advance and we work out a swap of some sort.


----------



## angelpixie

Yes, we do have a formal parenting plan. And he was there with me at the mandatory divorcing parents orientation. I am going to do what EW suggested and just call him on it. DS is already excited to go, so I'd be the bad guy if I said No at this point. So Ex gets a freebie this time.


----------



## angelpixie

soca70 said:


> Who is she? The Rocky Mountain Lady Gaga? Sounds like a winner...


:rofl: She's more subdued in the situations in which we interact now...but then I'm not privy to what went on at the Pac-man party they gave a few weeks ago.


----------



## angelpixie

The local hardware store that was giving away paint two Saturdays ago gave away a free fruit tree to people who liked them on FB today. Luckily, I took a screenshot of when I did, because they ran out of trees before I could get there after work. BUT -- if you had proof that you got in in time, you can get one tomorrow. :smthumbup: I wonder what they'll have to choose from. I'm due to get one of the tart cherry trees this fall, when it's better to move them, and I have an apple tree already. Plum? Apricot? Pear? Got a bunch of upholstery samples for my sofa in the mail this week to look at, too. This is the kind of decision-making that I like!!  

Made it through Week 1 of Library of Congress file-loading hell. Only 3 or 4 more to go.  Had a good IC session today. Nice homemade meatloaf and baked potatoes for dinner, then back to packing. Maybe an adult beverage and some more Arrested Development after DS goes to bed. I got distracted by life and never got through all 3 seasons. Started watching again earlier this week, and it was like a tonic.


----------



## angelpixie

Got my free tree. They didn't have a lot left from which to choose, just apricots and apples. Dug around and found one last Honeycrisp tree. Squeee!!!! Honeycrisps are my favorite apple. They are usually pricey when they're in season, and are a real treat. They are THE perfect Nutella apple, bar none.  

Oh, and the regular price for fruit trees of that size? $55 

*TOTAL Happy dance!!*


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Got my free tree. They didn't have a lot left from which to choose, just apricots and apples. Dug around and found one last Honeycrisp tree. Squeee!!!! Honeycrisps are my favorite apple. They are usually pricey when they're in season, and are a real treat. They are THE perfect Nutella apple, bar none.
> 
> Oh, and the regular price for fruit trees of that size? $55
> 
> *TOTAL Happy dance!!*


I'm jealous, I wish I could an apple tree here. I have a couple of papaya trees.


----------



## angelpixie

It's a good thing bowling lanes don't dent easily, lol. Spent most of my afternoon and early evening at a b-day party that DS was invited to. Hilarious!! They put up bumpers for the kids, and they turned it into strange hybrid of bowling and billiards. Most kids just kind tossed the ball from chest or waist level and it lazily rolled down the lane; some did try to send it down the middle with at least a little speed (as in, running up to the line...then dropping the ball :rofl, and then there were the interesting deliveries: the Backhand -- with and without twist; and the Rapid Zig-zag, which caused the ball to bounce wildly from bumper to bumper, to name a few. I think the adults had just as much fun watching as the kids did doing it. And of course, all of the boys picked nicknames that had something to do with Minecraft.  I was passing out scraps of paper to all of them so they could share their servers with each other to play online. They didn't all know each other before the party, but they were all friends by the end. I love when kids can be like that. I think they'll be so much happier as adults, too. Not so hung up on whether they're in the right 'class' or the correct 'group.' They just have things in common and enjoy being together. 

OK. Sigh. Back to work...


----------



## angelpixie

I got on here earlier to type up a bit of an update, but it's a good thing I didn't finish because it would have been outdated within an hour or so, lol. 

The appraiser's report is in, and as we figured, she called the roof. It has to be re-done before closing. We don't know if she called the house and both garages, or just the house or something in-between. My mortgage guy told me that this morning, and he was waiting to talk to my realtor. I got great news from him: the amount I need at time of closing is much less than I thought, so I won't need to borrow anything from my family. So whatever I get from my QDRO and the last payment from Ex will be for other stuff, not the house. He didn't think the roof issue would delay closing at that time, because he hoped we could just have the money in escrow.

Later, my realtor called. That's when I found out the roof(s) actually have to be done. Then the appraiser has to see them again and sign off on them. So closing will probably be moved to next Friday, with me able to sign my part after work on Thursday. I'll get the keys on Friday. 

What is a word for a female 'mensch'?! My realtor is so fantastic. She is doing so much footwork here at the end. I told her I was worried that since the appraiser called the roof, that I might have to use the money the sellers were paying to do all three now, and not have money leftover for electrical as we'd planned. She is going to talk to the lender and the appraiser, if she has to, since the 2nd garage roof is not nearly as bad as the other one, to see if we can still do only what we'd planned, and put the overage to repair the electrical, since that's such a safety issue for me. She's still contributing $100 towards my electrical repairs on top of it. But even if everything falls apart, she's written the buy-sell so that I can still get out and only lose my earnest money. Which isn't great, but still doesn't have me in something I can't afford.

She just came back from a trip to Texas, and said she thought of my vintage business. She went into a vintage shop there, and almost called me to see if there was anything she could look for for me! I was floored! She said she was so excited for me to get my shop up and running again, and said when I do, she will feature a link to my shop on her website, and will have my business cards at her office. I told her how I want to decorate the house, and she told me to take pictures so that she can feature those, too. She said she really believes in helping to promote small businesses in town, and wants to especially encourage women business owners. She already has a few others in mind that she wants to feature on her own promotional mailings, too. I was so touched by her excitement that I was literally tearing up. She also gave me some good tips on people who can help me move my bigger furniture, and really wants to work with me next week since it's Spring Break and I'm taking care of DS. I love that woman!! 

Speaking of Spring Break, I'm dealing with somewhat similar things to others here, as I'm needed to finesse the Ex. As I mentioned before, he decided to take DS on a two-day trip without asking first. I couldn't figure out why he wanted to do it a.) on a weekend when the little out-of-the-way places wouldn't be open, b.) on Easter weekend, when nothing would be open, c.) on a weekend at all, rather than during Spring Break, when DS was out of school AND things would be open. I could not bring these things directly up to him, since he is in the habit of dismissing things I suggest out of hand. I did mention Easter. I found out today that he was actually going to _take DS out of school this Thursday and Friday_ to take the trip...with Spring Break right around the corner. :scratchhead:  I finally got to talk to him today, and using the smiling, fingers crossed behind the back that I mentioned elsewhere, gently nudged him to have the marvelous idea of taking DS out of town next Monday and Tuesday. Gee, Ex, what a brilliant idea you just had!! 
So, child care for two days taken care of. :smthumbup: 

Work stress is still high, but we decided to put off next week's load due to my crazy schedule. My supervisor knows my situation, so it looks like I will be able to split my days, and hopefully have a friend of DS' here while I'm working from home, and then leave DS at the friend's house while I go to the office. :smthumbup: :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

One thing that bothered me a lot, though. When I went to pick up DS tonight, posGF answered the door, and was surprised to see me. She expected it to be DS. He was out in the neighborhood playing and they expected him back by then. I put his stuff in the car, she offered to let me wait there until he came back. I said I'd go look for him. They didn't even know if he took his bike. The development has its own park. He wasn't there. He sometimes plays in this area that has cattails. Not there. I called Ex to ask for other ideas and to tell him I couldn't find him. He suggested a large dirt hill he likes to hang out at. 

The thing that worries me the most is that the development is on the outskirts of town, right next to a very busy road that leads right to the Interstate. Like one mile away. You can imagine why I worry. DS is only 10. 

I finally found him, past the large dirt hill, with his bike. He didn't realize what time it was (of course, he doesn't wear a watch or have a phone). He walked his bike back and I picked him up. I called Ex and told him that I had him and where I found him. I was obviously upset. His reply? 'He was where? That doofus.' Very nonchalant. He used to take these things very seriously. Now he just doesn't seem to care. I know there are going to be things where we just have different parenting styles and I have to suck it up. But this seems different to me. This seems irresponsible. To not even know where he is, and not to wonder, when he's late? The location makes this a bigger issue for me. I live in town on a very busy street, and I make him tell me exactly where he's going. If he wants to go somewhere else, I need to know. He didn't twice, and he was grounded. When he's older, things will change. But not yet. I'm not the only parent who feels this way. 

I feel like I should bring this up to Ex tomorrow. Opinions?


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## EnjoliWoman

I think it's worth bringing up to Ex - maybe in a constructive way offering co-parenting suggestions and words like "we": "I worry about DS getting too close to the freeway, could we make it a rule that he never goes past the dirt hill?" 

Or maybe suck it up and get him a cheap cell phone that only calls your phone or his Dad's phone? A rugged one with a lanyard he can keep up with?

But totally agree it's worth mentioning. I was worried ex let kiddo ride her bike all around his condo complex - it wasn't quite in gang land but it was in a high crime area and I worried a lot. It's hard to let the other parent use their discretion when you don't feel it's in your child's best interest.


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Got my free tree. They didn't have a lot left from which to choose, just apricots and apples. Dug around and found one last Honeycrisp tree. Squeee!!!! Honeycrisps are my favorite apple. They are usually pricey when they're in season, and are a real treat. They are THE perfect Nutella apple, bar none.
> 
> Oh, and the regular price for fruit trees of that size? $55
> 
> *TOTAL Happy dance!!*


Not to rain on your parade, but I wouldn't want to see you disappointed later this year...

You'll need a second apple tree (something that _isn't_ another Honeycrisp tree) somewhere nearby, if you want your tree to pollinate and produce apples.

If none your neighbors has an apple tree, you might have to pony up and buy a second one.


Pb.


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## angelpixie

No problem -- there's already an apple in the yard!  (Not sure what kind, just saw a couple old ones laying the grass)


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> No problem -- there's already an apple in the yard!  (Not sure what kind, just saw a couple old ones laying the grass)


Coolness.

If you can find out what kind it is, this chart will help.


Pb.


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## angelpixie

Wow, thank you!! :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

After our performance at our international festival on Sunday, a visiting lecturer who was speaking on violence against women asked us to perform before her lecture last night. It wasn't finalized til after 5 p.m. Someone usually reads a short monologue about why we're there, but that wasn't going to happen. Just the dance. Since the notice went out so late, and only on FB, we weren't sure how many people would show up. Well, we had well over a dozen. We were not going to be up on the stage, but just in the aisles and in front of the stage. The speaker changed her mind when she saw how many of us were there, so up on the stage we were. 
Considering this was a serious visiting lecturers' series, the crowd was really into it, clapping as soon as the music got fast, cheering us on. It was really fantastic. 

I just realized this morning that all of those lectures are recorded for posterity. Oooh boy.  And one of my tasks is to catalog them. Double oooh boy.   Having to watch myself may put an end to my dancing career.   

Saw a fellow dancer that hasn't been able to make it since February. We were catching up, and I told her about my house. She knew exactly which one it was, as her credit union is on the same street. She was really excited -- "I've been walking past that cute little house for months! I always hoped some really nice family would move in -- I'm sooo glad it's you and your son!!" She was talking to me about all of the positive energy she felt around me whenever she saw me, and that while it's obvious that I'm in transition, she thinks it's all for good. 

I hope she's right!! :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

Well, it's a good thing I looked like a 'chic businesswoman' yesterday (referring to something I had posted in a Social thread), because my trip to the studio to just sign my sub contract for STFC was actually a full-fledged job interview with the owner of the dance studio. Yikes! I can totally understand why. I was just caught a little off-guard. I hadn't realized it, but since the start of 2013, I've actually taught more than the regular teacher, so they figured they'd better learn a little more about me (though my teacher has promised that it won't be happening as much -- she really hasn't been able to help it). 

Owner: So, tell me about yourself. What's your dance background?
Me: Um, I like to dance? 
Owner: Oh.

But then we talked more, I told her about the other dancing I did (contra and One Billion Rising), the things I did when I had class, how I prepared, the books and videos I was using on my own to learn more, etc. And I told her how much I liked the philosophy of the class, and that it was about feeling good about yourself, not learning to be a stripper for someone else. How it had helped me personally during this last year. She said that hearing all of that made a big difference to her. After we talked, she said she still wanted me to sign a contract, but also said she wanted me to take additional classes and learn more about stretching, etc. Totally fair. Truth is, I'd love to be taking more classes from them, but as with my gym (where I will be canceling my membership when my 6 months are up and switching to punch-cards instead), their classes totally don't mesh with my schedule. Aside from STFC, most of the evening classes are things that are beyond me, or things I'm not interested in. But I'll work on getting into more. I know that dance is their total reason for being there, and they don't want an instructor who doesn't know what the hell she's doing. 

She also asked if I had a head shot and a bio. Dude! I'm a freaking librarian!! So, I will get something together. I see them again tomorrow before class and will sign on as an independent contractor til the end of summer, to start. They are changing their pay structure for all teachers, though, and this may make a difference as to how long I keep doing this. She admits that you work just as hard no matter how many students are in class, but obviously, they don't collect as much in fees. So, teachers will only make $25/class if there are 4 or more students. 3 or fewer? $10. That's quite a drop. Hopefully, this won't be something I'm asked to do a lot, because, frankly, $10 isn't worth the work for me, and you don't know how many people are coming til you get there. Prep work takes away from other things, especially with my new place to work on and getting my shop back up and running. And if I'm taking more classes, too, well, $10 just pays for the class fee.  So, when all was said and done, she seemed more than willing to keep me onboard, which was good. Just kind of threw me. I guess I must have handled it well, in spite of the surprise.

Getting more exhausted. Tedious, detailed, fast-as-you-can every day, all day at work is getting to all of us in our little group. By the time I get home, I have no energy, yet so much to do. I almost fell asleep during group at the Y last night.  

Taxes are still to be done, too. They might actually be a little easier this year, since it's just me, and my business was on hiatus a good part of 2012. Where has all the time gone _this_ year already?


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## soca70

angelpixie said:


> Owner: So, tell me about yourself. What's your dance background?
> Me: Um, I like to dance?
> Owner: Oh.
> 
> She also asked if I had a head shot and a bio. Dude! I'm a freaking librarian!! So, I will get something together.


Well that's nailing an interview! 

Can the X provide a discount for the headshots?


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## angelpixie

Not even asking him. Towards the end of things, he took some shots of me in some of the clothes for my shop. They were so horrible they made me cry. At the same time, he was photographing his new grad school friends, and his OCD was in overdrive trying to make them perfect. Turned into a nicely p/a way to take a shot at me. 

He's said he'd like to do photography work for my shop again, you know, since we'll be 'friends' and all, but I will not trust him to do a portrait of me again. Any photos of me lately, I've taken myself using a tripod and a timer. And I think they've turned out pretty good.  I'm going to send the one I used when I got out of TAM jail in January. The red sweater one, not the tattoo one.


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## soca70

angelpixie said:


> Not even asking him. Towards the end of things, he took some shots of me in some of the clothes for my shop. They were so horrible they made me cry. At the same time, he was photographing his new grad school friends, and his OCD was in overdrive trying to make them perfect. Turned into a nicely p/a way to take a shot at me.
> 
> He's said he'd like to do photography work for my shop again, you know, since we'll be 'friends' and all, but I will not trust him to do a portrait of me again. Any photos of me lately, I've taken myself using a tripod and a timer. And I think they've turned out pretty good.  I'm going to send the one I used when I got out of TAM jail in January. The red sweater one, not the tattoo one.


AP - note the sarcastic eyeroll at end of my post. I'd rather see you eat glass than ask him for help!


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## angelpixie

Sorry -- I did miss that, lol. 

Just got off the phone with him. He never asked me about my Easter plans, nor told me about his. After the rescheduling of the two-day trip with DS and posGF, I had no reason to think that our weekend schedule would deviate from the norm. Oh, how wrong I was. The lovebirds are going out of town, and 'always' planned on leaving DS off earlier than usual on Saturday and returning later than usual on Sunday. I have been invited to dinner with the same folks I was with on Thanksgiving, and will be busy baking a dessert, so I cannot fully accommodate his request. Ex was surprised. Why? Because I have a life? Because I have friends? Apparently so. Not everyone hates me. Who knew? 

Also asked if I could have DS extra for them on Friday night. Sorry, no, again - I have plans (and I actually do!! ). Again, surprised silence. :rofl: Why, Ex, this is supposed to make you happy, because now you know that I'm moving on. That's what you so supportively told me the day before the divorce, remember? 

I was calm and nice and cordial. But my chest was tight and I could hardly breathe. Those physical reactions still come back sometimes. Gotta work on that some more.


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## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: Lose weight instantly! Ask me how!*



angelpixie said:


> Sorry -- I did miss that, lol.
> 
> Just got off the phone with him. He never asked me about my Easter plans, nor told me about his. After the rescheduling of the two-day trip with DS and posGF, I had no reason to think that our weekend schedule would deviate from the norm. Oh, how wrong I was. The lovebirds are going out of town, and 'always' planned on leaving DS off earlier than usual on Saturday and returning later than usual on Sunday. I have been invited to dinner with the same folks I was with on Thanksgiving, and will be busy baking a dessert, so I cannot fully accommodate his request. Ex was surprised. Why? Because I have a life? Because I have friends? Apparently so. Not everyone hates me. Who knew?
> 
> Also asked if I could have DS extra for them on Friday night. Sorry, no, again - I have plans (and I actually do!! ). Again, surprised silence. :rofl: Why, Ex, this is supposed to make you happy, because now you know that I'm moving on. That's what you so supportively told me the day before the divorce, remember?
> 
> I was calm and nice and cordial. But my chest was tight and I could hardly breathe. Those physical reactions still come back sometimes. Gotta work on that some more.


Oh Angel....I know what you mean about the physical reactions. I got a court notice in the mail yesterday for a hearing about the QDRO. I will probably see the ex and the court date is the day after my birthday. I was so anxious yesterday I could barely breathe and couldn't sit still. Ugh. I haven't seen him since aug....thought these kinda crap reactions would be over with by now.....

Ah well, like you say, something to work on .....


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## EnjoliWoman

angelpixie said:


> Sorry -- I did miss that, lol.
> 
> Just got off the phone with him. He never asked me about my Easter plans, nor told me about his. After the rescheduling of the two-day trip with DS and posGF, I had no reason to think that our weekend schedule would deviate from the norm. Oh, how wrong I was. The lovebirds are going out of town, and 'always' planned on leaving DS off earlier than usual on Saturday and returning later than usual on Sunday. I have been invited to dinner with the same folks I was with on Thanksgiving, and will be busy baking a dessert, so I cannot fully accommodate his request. Ex was surprised. Why? Because I have a life? Because I have friends? Apparently so. Not everyone hates me. Who knew?
> 
> Also asked if I could have DS extra for them on Friday night. Sorry, no, again - I have plans (and I actually do!! ). Again, surprised silence. :rofl: Why, Ex, this is supposed to make you happy, because now you know that I'm moving on. That's what you so supportively told me the day before the divorce, remember?
> 
> I was calm and nice and cordial. But my chest was tight and I could hardly breathe. Those physical reactions still come back sometimes. Gotta work on that some more.


Proud of you that you stood your ground. Ex never thinks twice about being late to meet me, never thinking I might have plans after, or is otherwise holding me up.


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## angelpixie

Oh, Vi -- I'm sorry. I was surprised, too. I wonder if it isn't a reaction to anything related to conflict with them, either as it's happening or even when it's anticipated. That's bound to bring up that fight or flight adrenaline. 

I'm sure I would have felt better if I'd been focusing on deep breathing, but that didn't even cross my mind. 

Is the QDRO hearing just a formality, or do you have to fight over something? We just had to sign the form, and the lawyer sent it over to the courthouse to be signed by the judge, then they got it back and mailed it to the company that has my account. 

And why did it have to come right after your birthday?  I hope it doesn't keep you from having fun the night before. (What day is your birthday, btw?)

You can get through it. You're a strong woman, Vi! Just take yourself back to your happy place on the beach. With that cabana boy. Oh, I wasn't supposed to mention that, was I?


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## vi_bride04

Mmmmmmm my Mexican man....yes that definitely takes me to my happy place!!!!! 

...ex....what ex??? Lol

And yes, I do think it has something to do with the conflict that was in the relationship. I feel like I could never be myself around him (the ex) and I seem to revert to a quiet, passive, unconfident version of myself. I dont want him to see he may still have that power over me...who knows if he still does but my anxiety over the situation tells me that could be the case.

The court date is just routine, the judge wouldn't sign the 7 day order so have to go to court to review it. And I do think he will show as it has to with money. The only thing he seems passionate about......


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## angelpixie

So, so, so close... to all of it falling apart. And Ex is being an a$$hole, and I have to depend on him. This is so fvcking unfair that I can turn in all of my documentation, have all of my finances in order, and yet it STILL all rests on him. And all at the last minute. I don't know how I'm going to get through work. Or the next minute. I can't do anything more. And he's loving being in control. I can hear it in his voice. I am at the end of my tether as it is. I didn't expect these last couple of things from both the lender and my lawyer. I just want to sit in the bathroom and cry.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> So, so, so close... to all of it falling apart. And Ex is being an a$$hole, and I have to depend on him. This is so fvcking unfair that I can turn in all of my documentation, have all of my finances in order, and yet it STILL all rests on him. And all at the last minute. I don't know how I'm going to get through work. Or the next minute. I can't do anything more. And he's loving being in control. I can hear it in his voice. I am at the end of my tether as it is. I didn't expect these last couple of things from both the lender and my lawyer. I just want to sit in the bathroom and cry.


Again, I am so sorry. Angel, he will have a day when he will no longer have this satisfaction. I do feel for you, but just get you house and don't let him get under your skin. We are here for you.


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## Lifescript

I'm sorry Angel. The time will come when you will be completely independent of anything having to do with chinless. It's just another obstacle on the road. You can do it!


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## angelpixie

That's just it, D. If he doesn't cooperate, I won't get the house. This is in his hands right now. And he knows it. And all I can do it wait, and hope he has enough humanity that he'll do the right thing. I hope he doesn't hate me that much.


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## Lifescript

Angel, 

What is it exactly that he has to do?


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> That's just it, D. If he doesn't cooperate, I won't get the house. This is in his hands right now. And he knows it. And all I can do it wait, and hope he has enough humanity that he'll do the right thing. I hope he doesn't hate me that much.


I will hope he some level of humanity left in him. What is to him now? I don't know. But, if he does not cooperate it does continue to show how pathetic he is and has not negative bearing on you. 

Nevertheless, I hope he does the right thing for once. Take Care Angel


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## angelpixie

I just found out this morning that there's a 2nd lender involved, that has to do with my mortgage insurance. They will approve me, but they need documentation that even my ex didn't need when he refi'd our house into his name.
Since he has no history of paying child support himself (of course not, we've only been divorced a little over a month), they need proof that DS will be receving a portion of Ex's Social Security disability benefit for at least 3 years. I, of course, don't have access to any of that correspondence anymore. They need it by Monday morning. The closing is schedule for Tuesday. Ex is horrible at keeping track of what he's sent, I know that -- and we already went through dealing with that earlier in the process.

He's in a program that's helping him with his business so he gets off disability, but over a few years. So, yes, he will be getting payments for 3-4 years. Our divorce settlement covers what will happen, should he get off and we need to set up regular child support. 

I called Ex and explained this to him. My mortgage broker, who feels very badly, but who can't control the situation, said Ex can call him and tell him what's going on. Ex is very nonchalant, and said he'd call 'when he could' but probably not til some time on Monday. I tried to tell him that's too late, could he please call today. He gets very huffy and says he can't because he has to watch DS. !!!! DS is 10, and hardly needs constant supervision. He got that very belittling voice he uses with me, and tries to explain that he will _try_ to help, but he just doesn't know if he _can_. He _understands_ that this isn't my fault, but he's very _busy_ today. It's out of my hands. I got a text that he did try to call, but got no answer. I hope he tries again, or he at least left a message so the broker can call back. 

It helps not at all that this is a Friday on a holiday weekend, when many offices are closing early on top of it. 

If they need hard copies of letters and documents, it will take 10 business days to get them. That will make the deal fall through, I'm sure. The sellers won't want to wait. Especially when they've paid for a new roof. The can sell for more money now.


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## angelpixie

Update: Ex is trying to call, but isn't getting through. Sent the guy's other number to him, too. Keeping my fingers crossed.


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## vi_bride04

Can you give EX number to who he needs to talk to and have them call him to get this information? 

I'm sorry Angel - sucks dealing with douches who only look out for themselves. Try not to stress too much but I know that will be a hard thing to do just b/c of how little time you have with this. 

I really hope he has a little bit of compassion and tries alot harder. Maybe you should mention that this is in the best interest of DS to get this house. Make him think its his idea to help DS out and leave as much about 'you' out as you can. Maybe that will help him take his vindictive shenanigans out of things if you can get his attention on helping DS vs helping you.


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## angelpixie

Update: 

My darling mortgage broker has been on the phone (missing Ex's calls -- he was trying) with the actual mortgage lender and the lender made an 'executive decision' to insure the mortgage in-house for me. My broker said they don't normally do that, but they all really wanted to make this work for me, and didn't want to leave it in Ex's hands to come up with documentation, etc. 

All they needed were copies of the last couple of bank statements, showing the direct deposits from Social Security and that they are for DS. Pdfs created and sent. Done. 

I am so relieved!! I could just fall over. Now I just have to run up to the lawyer's office before IC today (good day for it, huh?) to sign the QDRO again. Ex did make it up there already. That did not get solved satisfactorily, as my money still won't be coming for several weeks, but at least it's in process again. 

I'm going to a meetup.com Happy Hour get-together after work tonight, then out to something else after that. Guess who's trying a fancy martini (or two) after work tonight? This girl, that's who!!


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## Ikaika

Aloha Angel


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## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> I'm going to a meetup.com Happy Hour get-together after work tonight, then out to something else after that. Guess who's trying a fancy martini (or two) after work tonight? This girl, that's who!!


CELEBRATE! CELEBRATE!!

I highly recommend a cucumber or pear martini if they make them. MMMMMMMMMM


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## Lifescript

Told you Angel! Just another bump on the road. Go and CELEBRATE BIG!!!! 

Congrats!!

Wooohoooooo!!!!!!


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## angelpixie

Had fun last night, both out and on TAM. Tried a cuke martini, Vi, but I didn't care for it, sorry.  Was yours made with gin or vodka? The gin just seemed to overpower the cucumber. I love cucumber, though, so maybe with vodka? Hmmm. However the mudslide with bourbon, butterscotch schnapps, cream and Godiva liqueur was way yummy. Trouble is, I always drink things like that really fast. Then I want another. Which I also drink really fast. I think you can see where this could be a problem. 

Today, I picked up things for DS for Easter before I picked him up from Ex's. They took off for their weekend trip by then, so I didn't see them today. Poor DS thought my dad & brother were coming for spring break, and was really disappointed to find out it would be later. I didn't realize that's what he thought, so I felt really sad about that. I'm glad it will be soon, though. Late May, probably. 

We bought paint for DS' bedroom, and I took him by the house. The old roof is already torn off, and the underlayment is partially on. I still had the shingle sample, so held it up against the house, and he still likes it, too. I don't know what I'd have done if he was dead set against it, as that was what was ordered, lol. But I want him to feel like he's part of this process with me. This is our house, not just mine. I brought home some color cards, and matched one that looks best with the vintage curtains I bought for my bedroom. Two walls are currently a deep green, but since the windows are small, it makes the room dark, but I do like the idea of using green, so I'm just going much lighter on all 4 walls. The one that looked best is actually called something that is a nickname for our city, so I thought that was cool.  

Picked up fixins for the cake I'm making tonight to take to Easter dinner tomorrow. Will make that later tonight.

Doing some more packing. Feeling very emotional. Music is getting to me today. Memories of past holidays are getting to me. My brother is visiting our extended family, and I find I'm feeling isolated out here, even though it's been years and years since I've celebrated holidays with them -- like before I got married. 

Kind of surprised at the level of this today. It's even sunny outside, lol, and I still feel like this. Next week at this time (barring some disaster), I'll be a homeowner. Something that has been a dream of mine for so long. Just getting out of here and having a place with heat!! I've felt so guilty when DS has been cold. And I can get a box spring now and sleep in my bed again. When I went to Vegas in January, it was the first time I'd slept in a full bed since July 2011. I didn't realize it had been that long until my head hit the pillow on the Luxor bed, haha. It will seem like such a luxury after being on the sofa since November and on just a thin mattress for over a year before that. DS has picked out a loft bed for his room since he's been sleeping on the fold out sofa Ex bought for his bachelor pad/studio.

Unfortunately, the delay in the QDRO might delay furnishing the house, but hopefully not too long. 

I hope that actually doing the work in the house and making it ours will help to allay some of the feelings of sadness and loneliness that are creeping up. I guess it's all only natural that the combination of all of these things at once brings up a bit of melancholy. But perhaps I'd better think twice about those Dark & Stormies I was planning for tonight. Unless I see things are rockin in the Drunken Thread again tonight.  :rofl:


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## vi_bride04

Yes with vodka...rain cucumber vodka....mmmmm


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## angelpixie

Oh, now that sounds much, much better. I would definitely try that again. :smthumbup: There's something about the fragrance and taste of cucumber that just always says 'Spring' to me. Not sure why, since they aren't in season here til late summer, lol. They just smell and taste 'green.'


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## TBT

I think a touch of melancholy hits us all at one time or another Angel.You've been kind of hard pressed lately and faced some obstacles that may have made you feel some trepidation about your and your sons future.It's easy to become wistful and hold on to the familiar in that situation.Your strength of character is always going to serve you well Angel.Don't fear the future as,in my humble opinion,you are always working forward in such a positive way.

Wishing you and your son a very Happy Easter!


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## angelpixie

Thanks, as always, for the kind words, TBT. Happy Easter to you and your family, too!


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## angelpixie

Well the eggs are decorated, the chocolate chiffon cake (my contribution to tomorrow's dinner) is in the oven, and I'm going to get DS' basket together while it's baking. It's a good thing he's an incredibly heavy sleeper. The things were hidden my room, and I didn't remember them being made of the noisiest cellophane known to man when I bought them.  

He's so cute. About 5 minutes after we finished the eggs and talked about how many each of us were going to hide, inside or outside, etc., he asked if there was anything in the dryer...and the teakettle? Then told me to forget that he asked. :rofl: I have to remember not to look there right away.


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## angelpixie

Guess what...there was an egg hidden in the teakettle. 


Well, my cake fell. The first time ever that a chiffon cake has fallen for me. It's a recipe I haven't made before, and as it turns out, the time and temp were totally wrong. Luckily, I have a vintage BH&G dessert book with other chiffons, so I'll try again before I have to go to dinner. Did have to run out for more eggs this a.m., as chiffons take 6 whites and 4 yolks. It is yummy, though. DS and I taste-tested this morning.  

Happy Easter to everyone!! :bunny:


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## angelpixie

OK, a little bit Julia (her recipe) and a little bit Martha (well, I tried), here it is:










Wasn't sure I'd get this done, as I had sudden bizarre computer issues -- I could skype, but not go on the web. DS on the laptop? No problems at all. Thanks to jpr, who was searching ideas for me and skyping them, I had an idea of where to look for the problem. Had to change the DNS settings in the network adapter, and voila! back on the web. Which was a good thing, because I still had to make the glaze for the cake, and the recipe was online.  I'm also bringing along a fresh strawberry sauce. 

Drama with Ex not getting back as early as I'd asked so I could get ready for my dinner. Total selfishness on their part, obviously their plans are more important than mine. When they just got here to pick up DS, both of them had to come to the door to ask if I was seeing DS tomorrow, and both of them had to tell me their plans, and both of them had to hear how and when I was going to decide. And no mention of getting here later than planned. Grrr. Just go and let me be, as$holes.

OK, just enough time to get dressed and figure out how to transport this thing!!


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## jpr

Wow. Angel. That looks amazing!

Happy Easter!

...I loved the story about your son hiding eggs this morning. Super cute!


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## angelpixie

Gave my 30-day notice to the rental agency, finalized my homeowner's insurance policy, and set up all the utilities except trash pick-up. No disasters took place today. :smthumbup: 

Though I did find out yet more lies from Ex. For months after we decided to start paying our own utilities, I kept getting joint bills for the marital home, and notices in my email. Over and over I've asked him to take care of that and put them in his own name. While I had everyone on the phone today, I decided to double check. I was still on the gas, electric and water accounts. No note that he ever tried to change them. They did them on the spot, but he has to re-apply for the electric account, as it was joint and will now be a single. 

When I dropped DS off there after seeing him a while today, I asked if I could speak to Ex. They both came and stood in the doorway. It's like they are conjoined twins now. When I told him about needing to re-apply, and that I was still on the accounts, he gave an exaggerated eyeroll and 'tsk' as if he was frustrated with the companies. Again, he thinks I won't find out when he lies. Well, I can be thankful that they are taken care of now, as I know he was behind on the gas bill, at least, and I would not have wanted to be hit up for that. As$hole. 

After the two of them went back into the house, I gave DS one last hug and said that by that time tomorrow, we'd have our house. They heard me, and acted surprised that the closing was tomorrow. No, fvcktard, you knew -- that's why I was begging you to help me on Friday, because the closing was on Tuesday. They both gave me insincere well-wishes. 

Tonight, I went to Lowe's and Home Depot, and had a good time looking at cabinet knobs, countertops, and other stuff. I've been poring over mid-century renovation blogs and someone mentioned a fairly good retro-looking cabinet knob that looks like one in the expensive reproduction catalogs, but was actually at Ace Hardware for 1/4 the price. I found it at HD for almost 2/3 _that_ price!! Picked one up tonight. I'll see how it looks. Round polished chrome with a concave surface. Formica now has a cool boomerang pattern, but it only comes in grey, and I think it might just be a little too busy. So, it might just end up being plain old white for my counters. That's OK. There will be lots of color elsewhere.  

And....remembered a little treasure I forgot I have. Two summers ago, when I first moved in here, I went to an estate sale, and got a ton of little 1" x 1" vintage Italian glass tile. In red, white, black, royal blue and canary yellow. I can't use the blue and yellow in my color plan, but the red, white and black would be hella perfect!! I'm going to ask my dad about that. Maybe I'll put up a backsplash with it. That would be so fun! And I got it all for a song. I can put the rest on ebay. :smthumbup:

Dad went to start looking for ideas for my garage reno, and is sending me some brochures and a design DVD he got. I'm really happy that he's getting into it. We did do stuff together when I was a kid. He was really tough on me in his expectations in just about everything, but we still had a camaraderie that I never ever had with my mom. I missed that, and I'm glad to have it back, even if we never really went back and dealt with the rest.

And ---- I _totally_ forgot about this because he hadn't brought it up in ages and I thought he changed his mind, _buuuuut_ my brother said today that he is still giving me his car this summer! It's a 2005 Focus that he got after storm damage, so it has a junked title, but he's been using it and says it's a great car. He's really meticulous about car care, so I believe him. He's worried about my car being so old and the body damage, and said even if I save it for hauling things around, I can use his for daily stuff. 

I can't believe how wonderful everyone has been lately. I feel very grateful. I feel like things are really starting to gel with my life. I keep wanting to pinch myself!! It will be so nice to have a cute, safe, happy little home for DS and me.


----------



## Dollystanford

Yeah without having to have f*ckface laying around making the place look untidy

Now everyone in your house can be dressed before midday :smthumbup:


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## jpr

Yes!!!

...no empty cans of PBR laying around the house. ....and you won't have to worry about making room in your closet for Jack-hole's scarf collection.


Class...all the way, Angel. Class.


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## angelpixie

This lyric keeps going through my mind today:

You pull back the curtains and the sun burns into your eyes,
you watch a plane flying, across the clear blue sky.

This is the day, your life will surely change,
This is the day, when things fall into place.


----------



## angelpixie

And so it begins, a new chapter in the lives of Angelpixie and DS. When I closed my other thread, I asked what would happen in my future, including a few specific things. Well, I think I found the Angelpixie Dream House (or close enough); very little went as planned on the day of my divorce; finding love? Not holding my breath, but I'm open to the concept. In theory, it sounds like a positive thing.  

So, life will be changing for me from now on, I think. I won't be on TAM as much because, especially for the month of April, it will be a whirlwind of painting the new house before moving everything over from the rental. Not sure how much I'll be doing on my own, as I'll need to take time off from work, and people likely to help will be working themselves. I'll figure it out, and it will work out. I know it will. Contrary to other times in my life, I know that even if things get crazy, and I'm temporarily stressed out, *things have always worked out. * I've always made it through, and I will again. 

I'll stop in every once in a while, and you'll probably all get tired of renovation photos, but it is part of my Life After Divorce, after all. Building a new home base for DS and me, set up on my own dreams, not those of Ex and I together. 

I'm really happy with what I've seen so far. DS and I explored the backyard a little more, and found strawberry plants, rose bushes, mysterious bulbs emerging from the ground, and an awesome pile of rocks leftover from creating the borders of the raised beds and the stone benches, including a huge piece of white quartz, and several large pieces of what looks to be obsidian. (We both love rocks. Yes, we're nerds. ) I'm thinking that would be a great area for my pergola, and maybe a fire pit. 

I'm excited to plant a garden, my new apple tree, and some lilac bushes. I even have clotheslines between the garages, which totally appeals to me, and which I begged Ex for at the other house. There's more and more I love every time I look around. It's not perfect, I know. I'm sure it has plenty of old house quirks, but then I'm quirky, too, so maybe we're a good match.


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## vi_bride04

Oh angel. 

I have tears in my eyes. I'm sooooooooo happy for you. So proud of you. You are so happy and optimistic. Its just wonderful. 

Congratulations on the house - it sounds just absolutely perfect for you two


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## angelpixie

Thanks so much, Vi, for all of your encouragement. All of my friends on TAM have meant so much to me. I have tears in my eyes, too, when I think of how I felt a little over a year ago when I first came here. All of this seemed so very far away and unattainable. 

But you and all of my other friends here really helped me more than I could ever measure, and for that I will be forever grateful.


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## TBT

So very happy for you Angel! I have no doubt you'll make a wonderful life for you and your son there.You're such a decent human being....wish we could clone you!


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## K.C.

That's fantastic Angel. Couldn't have worked out for a nicer person.

/hugs.


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## NoWhere

Your post brings tears to my eye's angel. We all love you so much and wish you the best in life. Hope to see a picture of the before and after of your garden soon.


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## EnjoliWoman

I'm looking forward to lots of photos and funny stories about your new adventure.


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## Lifescript

I'm so happy this is happening for you Angel. You are truly an inspiration. You never gave up. Post pics when you can.


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## angelpixie

OK, time for an update. I took the day off on Thursday, partly to get my rental in decent shape since the rental company called to say someone was coming to take a look at it. They never showed. Oh well. Hopefully someone will. I'm not in a lease right now, so I shouldn't be on the hook for rent after my notice is up. Then DS got stomach issues, so we canceled his dentist appointment, and I had to cancel my evening of working on the house. Not a very auspicious start to things.  (DS is fine, btw)

Friday, had to work at home 1/2 day, then finally got to start on things. Then worked all day Saturday til it was time for contra, then again on Sunday. My goal was to get both bedrooms done. I forgot how picky and time consuming it is to do all the taping and stuff for trimwork, and removing doors, blinds, etc. 

Luckily, DS' friend from the Y called yesterday to see if he could come over. That was the last thing I needed, and I told DS to tell him he couldn't because we were working at the house. He said he loved painting and asked if he could come over!! Best thing that could have happened. He totally motivated DS to work more and harder. I gave each of them a roller and had them start my room, which I knew would need multiple coats, especially on the two avocado green walls. I did the detail stuff in DS' room. They got it (basically) done in less than an hour, then were able to just hang out and play. I was able to appeal to their masculine egos by asking for their help taking down the doors. They were more than happy to display their muscles, lol. 

Finally today after work, I finished what I could of my room. All that's left is the trim work. I'll get the paint for that tomorrow. Then both bedrooms will be done, minus changing light fixtures. 

And boy did I get a deal on those!! We went to the building supply recycling place to get DS' trim paint, and they must have gotten a whole house's worth of mid-century lighting. I got two matching fixtures for the kitchen, one for the LR, one for DS' room, and a great one that I haven't picked a place for yet, plus paint and an extra glass shade for less than $30!! They need some rewiring, but that's no biggie. 

Got another terrific surprise piece of news, too. My dad's friend lives in AZ and travels to MN for the summer, where he and my dad often do remodeling jobs together. When he heard my dad was coming out to help me, he asked if he could come out, too. My dad told him I couldn't afford to pay him anything, and he said he'd go it gratis, as a payback for all the times my dad's helped him. He's a retired HVAC guy, so we're thinking I might go ahead and get my furnace, as long as I'll have someone who can install it and do the ductwork for nothing. And my dad will have someone to help him (who knows what he's doing). With my handy-dandy basement apartment, both of them will have a place to stay, too. That will probably be happening in late May. This was an absolute jaw-dropper for me, as I've never even met this man! Yet, he wants to come out here and help -- for nothing! 

So, once again, it seems like I've gotten some incredible things coming my way. If only one of them was extra energy, lol. I'll tell you, after a full day of painting, then 4 hours of contra, I was ready for the glue factory on Saturday night.  But seeing it start to come together is a great feeling. DS is really happy with the way his room turned out, and I think I picked a great color for my room. It's unbelievably brighter than what was in there, that's for sure. Next, it's on to the kitchen cabinets. 

Here are a few pics:









DS' room, before and after. He loves the trim: "It's the exact color of melted chocolate ice cream!"









My room, before and after. It looks blue, but it really is a very pale green.









What I will be doing to the kitchen cabinet doors and drawer fronts. The actual cabinets will be 'ultra' white. 









And for Dolly, I have a pretty good mirror for you in the bathroom. At some point, I'll have to paint the room, but that will be a big job. I should be able to do the disco ball, though. 

Moving it all before the end of the month makes me start to panic, so I try not to think and just do. We'll see how that works.


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## Ikaika

Angel, the place looks great. You soooo deserve it. I am really happy for you.


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## angelpixie

Thanks, D! It's a *lot* of work, but I think it will be more than worth it.


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## jpr

Ooooo...you've inspired me to get off my butt and paint something in my house.

Your house looks wonderful...and I love the melted chocolate comment. So funny.


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## TBT

You guys did a great job and really good news about the friend of your dads.Btw,didn't you say you were looking for older hardware for your cabinets,and such? Nothing like that at the recycle center?


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## angelpixie

No, TBT -- unfortunately, they're getting a little more savvy with hardware like cabinet knobs, drawer pulls and doorknob sets. They get put into a special case, and are priced like collectibles. Would _love_ to use authentic stuff, but I just can't afford it. So, I use reproduction when I have to. The drawer pulls I have look to be old, though, so I was lucky there.


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## soca70

AP - check out the website for this store I used to live by in LA called Liz's Antique Hardware at lahardware.com.


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## angelpixie

Thanks, Soca -- they have some great stuff. A little beyond my price range, but I did see that one of the mid-century ceiling lights is _very_ similar to the two I got for my kitchen. For $5 each.  

House update: Have been working at the house til nearly 1 a.m. on Tues and Wed nights and til 1:45 a.m. last night. Time flies when you're having fun.  I actually do kind of get in a 'zone' when I'm working by myself there. I just have my earbuds in and my mp3 player in my pocket while I'm painting, and I'm good to go. DS helped me hang my bedroom door back up yesterday, and before he went to his fencing lesson we moved two car loads to the house. The actual moving is such a bloody slow process. It's not just a household, it's my inventory, too. It looks like I will have to break down and hire a mover to help with the actual furniture and my w/d set. Sigh. 
Yesterday's task was the kitchen cabinets. Before STFC, I cleaned, sanded, and re-cleaned the entire set, inside and out, plus the drawer fronts and doors. I wet-sanded, so I wanted them to dry well. I wasn't sure about going to STFC because of the time it would take away, but since I missed last week, I went. Oh boy, am I glad I did!! It's not like I've been sitting on my butt watching TV or anything, but man it felt like it was my first class!  It did energize me for working later, too. I will be subbing again late in the month. 

After that, I put a first coat of white on all of the cabinets, inside and out. Eventually the whole kitchen will be white, but I'm doing it in 'chunks' since the cabinets are more time-consuming. It is already so much brighter. Today, I'll have DS help me move all 18 doors to my other garage, and I'll paint those this weekend. 

I still have to do my taxes.


----------



## angelpixie

Introspective personal update: Yesterday was the last session of my therapy group. We've been meeting weekly for over a year and a half. It's definitely a loss. Like the group at the Y, it's been a great place to work out things and learn new skills. We also became very intimately involved in each other's lives as we've worked through whatever issues brought us there in the first place. As with those of us on TAM, we probably would never have run into each other IRL. And, we all had to recognize and deal with probably not continuing the same type and/or level of contact in the future. But unlike what brought a lot of us to TAM, we all have very good closure with this ending, which our therapist made a point of facilitating. 

One of the things she asked of us was to give a hope and a fear for each of the other 2 people. Both of the other women said they feared I would be taken advantage of emotionally, one mentioned Ex specifically, and the other said in future relationships. I have realized the same thing, but it's interesting to hear it when it comes from others. I also noted that my contact with Ex has become so seldom and so brief that I don't know how much of a problem caving to him will continue to be for me. The person who said it hadn't been able to make it to our group for about a month, and I saw how things had changed quite a bit even in that time.

Between that, and the evolution of things on TAM, and upcoming changes in my 'regular' life, I do have some fears for myself. It's been far too easy for me to isolate for most of my life, for a variety of situational reasons. It's very difficult for me to approach people and insert myself into social situations. Nearly all of my friendships are from work, and now from the Y, but in almost all cases, the contact does not continue beyond the library or the Y. That's the way it was when I was a kid, too -- my friends were from school. I saw them at school, and that was it. Outside of school and during summers, I was alone, due to restrictions from my parents. The brief time I was in college was the only time in my life it was different. When I was married, I didn't feel the need to do things away from Ex because we both usually wanted to do things together, and that was OK. After his breakdown, I couldn't get away even when I wanted to, due to his issues. It's something I'm still working on, and I know what the cause of it is, but it feels really overwhelming sometimes, like it's too late. Add to that the trust issues after my marriage to my 'best friend' ending, and...yeah...

On top of that, the things I like to do can be very solitary. Sewing, crafts, wood & metal working (that I can finally do, now that I'll have a work area  ), my online businesses -- all can be done without contact with anyone else. And there is so much work to do on my house and getting my business back up and running, and maybe even going back to school (and of course, having a son and a full-time job) that my time is pretty well taken up. So, I will continue with contra, STFC (and hopefully more dance classes), my group at the Y...but those are an hour here and there once every week or two. Not a good recipe for a socially healthy person, I don't think. 

I need to start by asking for help with my move. People have offered, but it is SO hard to accept it. So hard. I worry so much about taking advantage of someone's kindness that I end up saying no. And doing it all myself. And ending up in the hospital (which happened when I moved into my rental).   There's also constant shame from knowing that other people have their lives so much more together than I do. I try to let that go, but having been ridiculed so many times in my life has left some pretty deep scars. I'm working on them. It's a desensitization process. The easy way out would be to just go back into a hole. I know I can't do that.


----------



## unsure78

angelpixie said:


> There's also constant shame from knowing that other people have their lives so much more together than I do.


Angel you never know what goes with people on behind closed doors,so dont judge yourself so harshly. You should not compare yourself to others, instead look inside yourself and gauge your own internal compass to see if you are going in the right direction. So you know I aspire to be more like you, continuing to push yourself to become a better person. You have come so far in this last year, its amazing.


----------



## Lifescript

Comparing our situations to other people's will only bring frustration to us. Remember what Brene says in her book. I'm with unsure. You are an inspiration angel.


----------



## angelpixie

What an up-and-down day. I was up painting again til 2:30 Saturday morning, as DS had a cough and scratchy throat and told me he thought the paint would bother him when he was with me on Saturday. I went back over at 8:30 to paint til Ex brought him over. Even though the kitchen was just in two shades of beige, it's taking 3 coats of white to cover it. Really frustrating. It looks OK when it's wet, then it dries, and I think 'Oh, crap.' Haven't started the ceiling or windowframes yet, but the rest has at least 2 coats, and a 3rd on some of it. Didn't get to the cabinet/drawers, either. Guess I know what I'll be doing Sunday. 

I thought it was just allergies with DS, but it's not. He's had a fever off and on, plus other cold symptoms and iffy stomach. So, we just stayed around the house. Caught up on laundry and dishes. We were supposed to go to the surprise 40th birthday party for a former co-worker who I'm now in a bookclub with. Usually, I get an invite to do something and I have to bow out because I have DS. But this time was perfect, because she has a son 1 year younger than him. Except...he was sick so we couldn't go. He was really disappointed. So, I got a Harry Potter DVD for us to watch, and bought a little piece of cake at the store for us to split. I know he's not feeling good when he asks to go to bed after the movie.  And it's another in a string of social outings that never seem to happen. 

But I got my taxes done today, too. If it hadn't been for Adobe Reader constantly crashing on me, it would have gone even faster. Doing married filing separately for the first time (and last time ), and this year I got to take DS as a dependent. Boy did I get screwed! If my business hadn't taken a loss from being closed part of the year, I'd have owed, just due to my filing status. Next year, I'll be able to itemize since I have the house, and if Ex doesn't have taxable income, I'll be able to take DS as a deduction again. At least they're done.







That is a load off my mind!

So, tomorrow will be back to the paint grind. It might have been too cold to paint the cabinet doors out in the garage today anyway -- it was snowing this morning!


----------



## TBT

Scarlet-'I can't think about that right now.If I do,I'll go crazy.I will think about that tomorrow'.

This is my mindset at tax time. God,I need some of your initiative angel! Hope your son is feeling better.


----------



## soca70

AP - as an FYI, boys and I watched "Parental Guidance" with Bette Midler and Billy Crystal for Movie Night Saturday. There was a scene with a STFC and it made me think of you and smile!


----------



## angelpixie

Awww, thanks -- I think? Unless...wait, was it Bette Midler doing STFC? Hmmm... :rofl:

***************
Ahhh, just when I think Ex is being somewhat human, I am reminded that, Nope, he's as big of a jerk as he's been. I had a question to verify about taxes before I mailed them in, and found out that he never took the mortgage deduction on his taxes (no taxable income) and didn't bother to tell me, so that I could. So I hurried and re-did the taxes, and it isn't much, but I got us a little bit of money from the state. It's better than nothing, right? He used Turbo Tax, and didn't know half of what I was talking about because he never actually read the state tax instruction booklet. 

I also asked if he added half of our federal refund back into our state income this year, as we're supposed to do. Actually, I asked what percentage he used, because I had yet to find out about Turbo Tax. I told him that since we split the refund in half, I thought we should each add half that amount back in. He got very angry and said he wanted me to show him proof that we split it in half. I was shocked. We were still splitting everything in half at that point, except variables like food and utilities and our own gas for driving the cars when we switched them. He angrily said he didn't think we split the refunds (fed and state), because I was 'always telling' him that he owed me money. I was so proud of myself for holding it together. (I was on the phone at work). I looked up our bank statement online while i had him on the phone, and found when it came in direct deposit, and when we each took our halves out, with notes saying '1/2 tax refund'. Haha, a**hole. Did I get an apology for the accusation? Of course not. I got one for him getting upset. It would be nice if he could hold himself together in the first place. He snaps over nothing. Did I get a 'thank you' for doing the taxes over and giving him his share of the extra refund based on what the divorce papers said? No, of course not. In fact, when I was trying to explain about needing to add the refund in, because we are required to do that, without understanding me, he very snottily said 'The way the divorce affects your tax burden is of no concern to me.' Yes, I held it together even then. And explained ONE MORE TIME, by reading the instruction booklet to him over the phone. Again, no apology. 

So, as usually happens when I figure out something that he didn't, he has to make a specific point later on of reminding me of someplace where I fall short. In this case, picking up a cabinet that we both had arranged would be picked up when I move. It's huge and requires a truck. He knows I'm hiring a truck. And that I'm planning on having them go out and pick it up. So why did he ask if I was still planning on this? Because it made him feel better about screwing up on the taxes. Whatever. I totally expected it, and almost laughed when he brought it up on the phone when I called to tell DS good night. You can almost set your watch by it, he's so consistent. 

***************

While I was doing very detailed edge painting tonight, I was reminded of how I had a tremor for a lot of years due to the anti-depressants I was on. That tremor is now gone, as I have been able to decrease my meds since I've been away from him. Life is by no means stress-free, but handling it without the extras of him? Exponentially better. I'd never have been able to do that painting 2 years ago. 

Or take photos without a tripod. Like these  :





The kitchen vision is starting to take shape. I had to go out and bring all 18 cabinet doors back into the house, since our sudden return of winter has it too cold to paint in the garage. Got 2 coats on the top surface tonight. Hope to get in a 3rd before the Y tomorrow night. I'm not sure how I'll set them all up inside so I can do the edges. :scratchhead: 

I'm excited to see it starting to come together. I got the floor wet, and it looks so nice when it's all shiny. It's in pretty rough shape, but I've been looking online for things to use to clean it, so I hope I can rehabilitate it. It will all look great, except for my almond refrigerator.  Oh, well. I'll just cover it in magnets, lol.


----------



## TBT

Wow! Angel you're doing such a great job!:smthumbup:Are you worried about how to paint the edges if they're laying flat or because you won't have the room to work on them?

As for your Ex,it seems he's doomed to being a petulant little man.


----------



## cantmove

TBT said:


> Wow! Angel you're doing such a great job!:smthumbup:Are you worried about how to paint the edges if they're laying flat or because you won't have the room to work on them?
> 
> As for your Ex,it seems he's doomed to being a petulant little man.



I think you meant "petulant little child" TBT. He is no man!!!


----------



## angelpixie

TBT said:


> Wow! Angel you're doing such a great job!:smthumbup:Are you worried about how to paint the edges if they're laying flat or because you won't have the room to work on them?
> 
> As for your Ex,it seems he's doomed to being a petulant little man.



Both, actually. I could prop them up on things in the garage to do the edges all around, but can't do that in the house. There isn't a way to do that in the kitchen due to lack of space. If I paint them while they're laying flat, the paint will stick to the plastic underneath.  I might have to take them all back out to the garage til the move is over this weekend. Then hopefully it will be warm enough to continue them out there. 


And, CM -- QFT!


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## TBT

cantmove said:


> I think you meant "petulant little child" TBT. He is no man!!!


I had a senior moment!


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Both, actually. I could prop them up on things in the garage to do the edges all around, but can't do that in the house. There isn't a way to do that in the kitchen due to lack of space. If I paint them while they're laying flat, the paint will stick to the plastic underneath.  I might have to take them all back out to the garage til the move is over this weekend. Then hopefully it will be warm enough to continue them out there.
> 
> 
> And, CM -- QFT!


Maybe if you buy a few cheap wooden dowel rods or something similar you can lay them flat and they'll be off of the plastic.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, that's an excellent idea!! Thank you!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


>


Fantastic. They look just like the cabinets in my Grandma's kitchen.

:smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Just what I was going for, thanks!!


----------



## Pbartender

And to put that statement into perspective... I'm heading up to Minnesota for her 100th birthday party this weekend.


----------



## muskrat

Congrats on the house AP. You are doing a fantastic job.

As for your ex. Why is it some people can never grow up and take responsibility for themselves. People like him frustrate me to no end. They do nothing and everytime you try to help them they blame you for their failures.


----------



## angelpixie

In TOTAL contrast to the article link I posted in the What Are You Thinking thread in Social earlier today, I found this one tonight. I'm posting it here as much for myself as for anyone else who sees it.

Written by Charlie Chaplin on his 79th birthday:

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today.. I know this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today.. I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today.. I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm.
Today.. I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today.. I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today.. I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today.. I discovered that is MODESTY.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today.. I live each day.. day by day and... I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today.. I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today.. I know THAT IS LIFE!

******************************

Something to shoot for.


----------



## K.C.

Something indeed. Thank you so much for posting that.


----------



## vi_bride04

Yes, thanks Angel. I needed something like that to read last night and it came at the right time.


----------



## angelpixie

Moving Day, Part One, and helpers are dropping like flies.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Moving Day, Part One, and helpers are dropping like flies.


I'm so sorry... damn I wish I could help.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, Moving Day, Part One is finished, and so am I, lol! The mother of DS' friend The Brick came over before I was able to get the truck and loaded up her car twice and then helped move a bunch of things at the house down to the basement. Friend from the Y #1 came at 11:30 and stayed straight through til 6:30 (!), loading her mini-van, helping move things already in the house, and then helping load furniture into the truck and into the house. My former supervisor (the one who recently D'd after a 30+ year marriage) also came before I had the truck, worked, left to do a schedule pre-1/2-marathon workout, then also came back til 6:30. She's about 60, but you'd never know it. We got the majority of the furniture out. Just a bookcase and my bedframe in my room, and the kitchen table & chairs (can't move those because the cabinet doors are still on the floor there), plus some larger worktable-type pieces and shelving in the garage. I can't believe how much we accomplished!! 

I was a little worried because we didn't make it out to Ex's to get a counter I refinished and my pergola. I only knew of 1 woman coming to help tomorrow. Well, I found out tonight that she can still come, and her husband wants to help, too, and Y friend #2 is also coming and bringing her SO, and y friend #3 has offered to come if I need her, too. We'll kill this thing tomorrow.

We even moved my dryer down into the basement. IT's a really steep wooden stair case with kind of shiny treads, and we didn't want to bump it down stair by stair, so I got a few small pieces of plywood that I had. We laid them down on the stairs first then tried a 'controlled descent.'  It was a little hairy, but we got it down and hooked up. Well, almost. The outlet is really high on the wall, and there's a shelf right below it, so my cord won't reach. I'll have to remove the shelf until I can cut a cord hole in it.

We had some funny moments, such as trying to carry my really old floppy mattress with no handles. And OMG!!! there were legos under everything!!! :rofl: DS tried to tell me that there are 59 (or some number of) legos for every person on earth, and I think he has more than his share. 

We did go a little crazy though. I have no source of light in my living room except the light from the computer screen, lol. Both of our beds and the sofa are all at the new house, so I'll be sleeping in my sleeping bag on top of my yoga mat tonight (DS is at Ex's), and then he's going to a sleepover tomorrow night at a neighbor's. 

I still don't have to be out of here for 10 more days, and I've got a couple vacation days planned for the end of the month just to cover last minute stuff, cleaning the rental, etc. I should definitely make it.

One disheartening note, though. Some of you may remember that my house was broken into last July by a neighbor with, as the police called it, 'boundary issues.' I believed he took a little ring box that was on a table, which contained a ring I'd gotten from my grandmother, and which I'd recently found out was a lot more valuable than I'd though (besides sentimental value). They questioned him, but he denied taking it, and it never showed up on the lists that pawnshop owners have to supply to the police (they didn't search for it, just asked him). I really hoped that I was wrong, and that it would turn up while I was packing and moving. It hasn't. So, it's really gone.  

And, I have had no trouble throwing away letters, keepsakes, etc., from my time with Ex. The only ones I'm taking with are the ones that I'm going to burn in my back yard. 

Oh, he did wish me good luck on the move. Gee thanks.  He was wearing the too-small polyester sportcoat again. :loser:


----------



## TBT

Too bad about your grandmother's ring angel.Happy to hear though that you had some help and that at least this one big stressor in your life will soon be over.


----------



## Dollystanford

Please take a pic of the burning letters - I wish I'd done that to mine now rather than throwing them in a bin bag


----------



## angelpixie

Will do -- I'll take ones with and without the effigy on top.


----------



## Dollystanford

Don't use polyester to dress him, you'll set fire to the garden!


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Don't use polyester to dress him, you'll set fire to the garden!



:rofl: :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Update on Moving Day, part two. Co-worker who couldn't make it for health reasons on Saturday came on Sunday morning, as did another friend, whose husband also wanted to help, and their two sons (one of whom is a friend of DS'), plus Y friend #2 and her boyfriend. Didn't need to call Y friend #3. I told them about getting the truck back by 12 to avoid the extra day charge, and that as long as we got the largest things from the garage and the things from Ex's, I'd be totally happy with that. Well, instead, they took charge and said we could get the stuff from Ex's *and* clean out my entire garage *and* move it all over by 12. And we did! With 15 minutes to spare!! Even the little boys helped.  (I wish DS hadn't been with his dad, as he would have had fun working with them) I was exhausted and still had the whole day ahead. All that's left are things I can move in my car. The largest of which is my kitchen table and chairs (which I can't move anyway til the cabinet doors are finished and off the kitchen floor), and my bed frame, which I'm debating on having powder-coated as a little treat to myself. I only paid $40 for the bed. It's a vintage metal frame with mesh inserts on the head and foot boards. I found out I can get it sandblasted and powder-coated for $150. I really want to have it look nice instead of the chipped up multi-coats of paint that are on it now, but I kind of feel like it's extravagant. I just got a $20 boxspring, and a whole house, too, lol! I might hold off til after my dad and I are done with the garage and see how much money is left after that. Or maybe I'll splurge, I don't know. 

And we sure had luck with the weather -- had a small snowstorm yesterday evening and got a few inches of snow and really cold temps. And even though it was beautiful and sunny today, it is still cold and icy. Horrible for moving. 

DS had a overnight at a friend last night, so I went over and painted some more. Did my first load of laundry -- washing and drying -- at the new house. Everything worked great! I don't think I mentioned my big scare from Friday. I went into the downstairs bathroom and there was standing water around the toilet. I freaked out, because I remember DS telling me it was going down slowly when he was there painting with his friend -- over a week before. So the water actually overflowed and had been sitting there well over a week. I have a very bad mold allergy, and I didn't want to think of the damage that had been doing to the subfloor and wood vanity cabinet. I got it all mopped up, but when I stood next to the baseboard and pressed down, water came up from the edge. The bottom edge of the vanity was wet about an inch up from the floor. I was really panicking. I called my dad and asked if the floor would have to be ripped up and replaced. He assured me that since it was in the basement, on the slab, that we'd be OK. He told me to take one of my portable heaters and put it on the (dry) floor, turn it up and shut the door and just leave it to evaporate the water. I did that for two days and last night I checked it. Nothing coming up under the baseboard any more, and the vanity cabinet is dry. Thanks, Dad!!! (Incidentally, he also told me that it might have overflowed because it hadn't been used in long time and the valves, etc., in the tank might have to be adjusted. I'll be looking into that.) 

So whew! I had to bring DS home from school again today with stomach issues. This is happening a lot lately, so I'm taking him to the doctor tomorrow. So, no working on the house today, either. But he goes back with Ex tomorrow night, and then I can start in on it hard again. We're just hanging out at the house today. We both have to sleep on the floor now, but this is his last night here. He's not good with transitions, so I haven't told him. He still has the option on Saturday, too, if he wants. Hopefully, he'll be more excited about fixing up his new room than staying another night in this one, especially since it will mean a sleeping bag on the floor of an empty room. I know I'm looking forward to my new room. When I had to wait for the laundry to finish before I left last night, I snuck a few minute break and laid down on my 'bed' -- holy moly, Rocky! How nice it feels to lay on a real bed again! 

I know these things happen in life so that we never take anything for granted again. I've remembered those lessons for the most part, but it never hurts to have a reminder now and then. 

I was so touched by the people who came out and worked so hard and enthusiastically. They were all so genuinely happy for me and excited when they saw the house and my yard, and how well the garages will work for my business. At first I did hear 'Wow, you have a lot of stuff!' which I dreaded. But I know that a lot of it was because it was all in such a small place. When we put it in the house and the garage, separating out my inventory from our belongings, they realized it wasn't really that much after all. They were excited to see what neat things I had for my shop, too. I felt like it was all a real George Bailey moment from It's a Wonderful Life.


----------



## angelpixie

And while I was typing the last of that, Ex and posGF came over to say a quick Hi to DS. They were going to take him to the public library for a little while, but he didn't feel like he wanted to risk going. So they came in. I didn't want her here in my place. I hoped he would just come in himself, but I knew he wouldn't tell her to stay in the car. I have my desk chair here by the computer, and my kitchen chairs, which have boxes on them. DS wanted to show his dad some Minecraft thing he did on the laptop which is on the floor. I debated about cleaning off 2 chairs for them, but then I thought, Fvck it. He had to sit on the floor to see the screen anyway. Despite all of his many speeches about how we would stay friends, what a 'good person' he is, how he cares about me, etc., there was not a single word of offering to help with anything through this entire move. Not even offering to take DS if I needed him to when I had an appointment to meet someone. I never really expected it, because _I_ know what he's really like, even if he doesn't. But I'm done running around trying to over-do being nice and helpful, etc., so that they don't think badly of me. I could care less at this point. When they went to leave, I let them leave on their own, just like when I go there. No need for formalities. It's not like they're honored guests.  I think they noticed though, judging by the exchanged glances.


----------



## muskrat

I am glad the move is going well. Once again congratulations.

Oh, I was just wondering, you will be inviting all of us from TAM to your housewarming party, right?


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: Lose weight instantly! Ask me how!*



muskrat said:


> I am glad the move is going well. Once again congratulations.
> 
> Oh, I was just wondering, you will be inviting all of us from TAM to your housewarming party, right?


I would totally make that trip


----------



## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> Oh, I was just wondering, you will be inviting all of us from TAM to your housewarming party, right?


Of course!! It wouldn't be the same without you guys! :smthumbup:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Of course!! It wouldn't be the same without you guys! :smthumbup:


Let me just say if I could make it, your son and my sons would have a lot to 'chew' of about minecraft


----------



## angelpixie

I'm sure he would love it!


----------



## K.C.

Haha, when mine aren't playing mineceaft they are watching vids of it on YouTube. Nutters.

So glad its going well for you Angel.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> I'm sure he would love it!


I should PM to find out what his username on minecraft is and my youngest (11) and he could connect. My sons are also big into Skylanders... be careful don't get DS into that or you will have to learn a whole new language.


----------



## that_girl

Why am I just seeing this?

Great pic


----------



## angelpixie

K.C. said:


> Haha, when mine aren't playing mineceaft they are watching vids of it on YouTube. Nutters.
> 
> So glad its going well for you Angel.


Oh, your too, eh? He has a split screen a lot of the time: the game on one half and you tube vids about mods on the other. Crazy. Does yours watch the Game Chap and Bertie videos? I made a Bertie cake for his birthday, lol.


----------



## K.C.

No some dude called Rendog. Just barely allowable in mine and his mums opinion. Some language we won't accept from s12. Nothing worst than he already knows but he also knows we catch him repeating it he won't be watching any more.

He heard much worst when visiting his Dad so we are allowing it so long as he respects the language thing which so far he is.

Also doesn't listen on earphones so we can listen for anything we feel crosses our line.

He's a good kid and its been a good excercise in differentiating what you hear from what you can say.

Hmm sounds a little "making excuses" for allowing something we shouldnt and "justification" in text like that?


----------



## angelpixie

Hmm. There's someone that DS watches that has objectionable language, too. I make him watch without the volume on, even though I know he's heard it all, too.  I just don't feel quite right just telling him it's OK to sit there and listen to it over and over. Why is that such a big part of those videos, anyway? DS can play without swearing like a sailor, lol! :rofl:


----------



## K.C.

It's not constant, the guy just gets excited over his pixels.

Think he is south African, has that sort of accent anyway.

I find myself chuckling at some of his turn of phrase if I am honest


----------



## angelpixie

K.C. said:


> It's not constant, the guy just gets excited over his pixels.


That made me lol. :rofl:


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Oh, your too, eh? He has a split screen a lot of the time: the game on one half and you tube vids about mods on the other. Crazy. Does yours watch the Game Chap and Bertie videos? I made a Bertie cake for his birthday, lol.


My son watches the youtube minecraft videos, but fortunately he does not know how to do split screen play and watch.


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Hmm. There's someone that DS watches that has objectionable language, too. I make him watch without the volume on, even though I know he's heard it all, too.  I just don't feel quite right just telling him it's OK to sit there and listen to it over and over. Why is that such a big part of those videos, anyway? DS can play without swearing like a sailor, lol! :rofl:


yes, I have heard the F-bomb.


----------



## angelpixie

From your DS?!


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> From your DS?!


No, from the video... my son knows the consequences to saying something his parents would never say.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Hmm. There's someone that DS watches that has objectionable language, too. I make him watch without the volume on, even though I know he's heard it all, too.  I just don't feel quite right just telling him it's OK to sit there and listen to it over and over. Why is that such a big part of those videos, anyway? DS can play without swearing like a sailor, lol! :rofl:


He's early teens, isn't he? Middle Schoolish age?

I'll tell you what... As the parent of two teenagers, and having been one myself, I can guarantee you he's already using "objectionable language" when you can't hear it.

I'd had a talk with both of them a while back, because they were starting to get old enough for movies and TV shows, where that sort of language is more common than not. We talked about how, yeah, they talk like in movies to emphasize a point or to get ratings, but it's not an appropriate way to talk in real life and I don't wan to hear them talking like that... All the while understanding that half the time they probably talk like that with their friends anyway. 

Last month, when AXW took the kids to the Dells for spring break, D13 forgot her phone at home. The next morning, her alarm clock started going off. I went to turn the alarm off, and noticed that she had labelled that particular alarm, "GET YOUR ****ING LAZY ASS OUT OF BED!"  I let her know I saw it, and we kind of laughed about it. I let her know that I know she probably says stuff like that around her friends, but I also warned her about being careful who she or hears her writing or saying those sorts of things.

Funny thing is, D13 seems to be worse with it than S14... girls.  :lol:


----------



## angelpixie

He's only 10, Pb, but I guess I wouldn't be surprised. Well, I would be surprised to hear the f-bomb, that's for sure, but not the garden-variety four-letter words. I thought it was interesting that he specifically mentioned that Ex and posGF use 'dirty words' a lot with each other just when talking, in a way that made me think he wasn't totally comfortable with it. Ex and I didn't worry much about damn, sh!t, etc., around him, but for him to actually notice and mention it, they must be looser with their language.  

But Middle School starts next year, so by then, he'll probably think they're pretty cool, lol.


----------



## angelpixie

Sigh. DS is not wanting to go to Ex's again. Tonight was switch night. I try to find out what's going on, but I feel like I'm not in a position to discuss much about what goes on at Ex's house. But I want to know if it's something _really_ serious, or just serious in that his dad's being a d!ck and making DS' life an unhappy one.  So, he said again that he likes just living with one person. I told him that I realized that, but his dad loves him, and I know he loves his dad, and it's important that he doesn't let the fact that posGF lives there make him not want to see his dad. 

Then I asked why this is coming up again when he hasn't been saying anything for a few weeks. He said he hasn't stopped feeling that way, but lately it's seemed worse. He said that sometimes they mock him and he doesn't like it. I asked if it was because he was complaining about something and they were trying to joke him out of it. (Truth is, Ex knows or should know that DS doesn't like that. It's the kind of teasing that makes him upset. If she does it, he should be curbing her, not joining in. Fvcker) He said it happened at times when he was serious, too, and he didn't like it. I told him he should talk to his dad alone about it and explain how he feels. I was sure his dad doesn't want to hurt him. He said he has asked to speak to his dad alone, but his dad won't. WTF!! He said that DS has to talk to both of them. I asked if his dad tucks him in at night, and maybe he could talk then. He doesn't, and hasn't for a long time, which made DS cry when he told me. He said he wished he still tucked him in at night. I still do, and that broke my heart. He said his dad is never alone, the two of them are always together. Which is what I've seen, too, except for one occasion lately. I suggested he send his dad an email that he wants to speak to him alone. Isn't that absolutely ridiculous!!! The only way this child can tell his father, alone, that he wants to speak to his father, alone, is by _sending his own father an email in their own home_, but then he said he wouldn't be able to get on the computer to do it tonight. So I asked if his dad drives him to school. Most of the time, he says. So, I suggested he talk to him tomorrow in the car. 

By this time, they drove up next to us in the parking lot for the switch. I'm trying to cheer him up, telling him everything is going to be OK. He's not buying it and still looks obviously sad when his dad opens his car door for him. He picks up on it right away and asks what's wrong. DS is honest and says he doesn't want to go. She is driving, and has opened her door by this time and has heard this. I'm staying out of it and getting DS' backpack and sax out of the back of the subi. I step over the the other car and put it in, with Ex standing there. I made a comment about getting DS a haircut today. Then Ex asked what was wrong. I told him he wanted a chance to talk to Ex alone. He smirked. I said DS was upset, and I suggested he talk to Ex. He said DS got very angry when he got disciplined for misbehaving, wanted to talk to Ex alone "In a way that was very dismissive to (posGF), so I told him, No, he had to talk to both of us." I don't believe him and I don't care even if that is what happened. That slvt is not more important or more deserving of respect than his son. A couple nights ago when I called to tell DS goodnight, I heard him ask them a question. The tones of their voices were not nice. DS was not impolite or disrespectful or snotty. DS isn't perfect, but I just feel like they are forming this monolith against him. 

Last week, I got an email from Ex regarding DS and schoolwork. It kept using 'we', and I assumed it was from his homeroom teacher and the student teacher who assists her. I asked Ex when he got the email from them. He informed me that he 'generated' the email. So the 'we' referred to him and posGF. As if they are DS' co-parents now, and they just pass along information to me. I'm trying to keep things calm, but I'm making notes of these things. I think things are going to come to a head soon. She is not his mother. If Ex is going to co-parent, it's going to be with me, not her. If that b!tch thinks she's going to be moving me out of the way so she can be in on decision-making in my son's life, or disciplining him, or deciding his diet, or anything else, she can kiss my curvaceous ass. 

When they went into the grocery store and I went back to the car, I looked back at the 3 of them. She was pissed; it was all over her face. She looked at me, and I kid you not, tossed her hair and stuck her nose in the air as she walked past me. If my son wasn't still upset, her action would be comical. 

But it's not. I really hate those two.


----------



## vi_bride04

Mama bear time....


----------



## angelpixie




----------



## Ikaika

*$#%*$%)

I better not say anything... Angel, your son deserves better from his dad. <<Hugs>> to you and your son.


----------



## K.C.

I dread the day an OM comes into my boys lives like that.

I know stbx will be a package with them same way as I will but no one else gets to play mum or dad while both of us are involved in their lives as far as I am concerned..

(((hugs))) Angel, my thoughts are with you.


----------



## Lifescript

Your ex is to be blamed for this. Looks like he allows posGF too many priviledges. Fvck that b1tch!


----------



## muskrat

What the heck is wrong with people? Your kids are only young once and hasn't destroying their family done enough emotional damage?
Why are some parents so darn selfish? Why can't they bother to spend a little time alone with their children?
I see this happening in my future also, I hope I can handle it as calmly as you have AP.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I'm not done yet, MR! Things might not stay calm.


----------



## Dollystanford

I'd love to b*tchslap that motherf*cker, want me to come over


----------



## angelpixie

Absolutely!!


----------



## vi_bride04

Your last update still has me peeved, angel. I can't even imagine how you feel.

I don't have kids and don't even want kids but still CANNOT FATHOM the mindset of these parents that just emotionally abuse their children or just plain out right abandoned them. My ex left such a sour taste in my mouth with the way he handled his kids from his first marriage....this stuff just p!sses me off!!

Hope you are able to confront this situation soon. And yeah, I'll take that trip with Dolly to help slap him around a little. Actually she can take chinless, I will take that stupid b!tch....lol


----------



## 06Daddio08

Sadly I've seen this in person, one of my exes friends has a father who doesn't seem to do anything without the approval of his 2nd wife. If his wife doesn't like something his daughters do, she holds a grudge and so does he, I've seen how upset she can get (in her mid 20s) and it's disappointing.

The fear of being alone, really fvcks with people in messed up ways.


----------



## angelpixie

One surprise piece of good news today. The QDRO which was delayed almost a month when the County Courthouse lost it, was re-signed by Ex and me just before the end of March, and after getting it back from the judge this time,  was FedEx'd to the company holding my account. Last week, Ex got a notification that they received the request to split the account, but that it would take 4 weeks. That's what I'd been told when I called them, too. Then it was supposed to take a little more time for him to request withdrawing the money, and then for it to be sent to him. So I was expecting the money to arrive late May. 

Well, lo and behold, this afternoon, Ex emails me a letter saying the account was already split, and then a confirmation of his request to withdraw the funds. Those 4 weeks went by really fast!! So, I don't know if he still has to let them know how to send it, or if that's been done, too.

So, I might get the money by the end of next week! Woo-hoo! That will be a large chunk of the remainder that he owes me from buying out my 1/2 of the house, and we'll be finished financially in July. Done and done. :smthumbup:





Now to just make up what was in my retirement account..... 


Internet should be turned on in the new house by Friday evening, so I think that will be my first night sleeping there.  I took off tomorrow, Friday, Monday and Tuesday from work to finish moving and to clean out the rental top to bottom. I'm hoping it won't take all that time and I can maybe go back to work at least on Tuesday and use that day of vacation later on. Ex has given the OK for me to take DS to MN to visit family on the 4th of July. July is my most unfavorite time to be in MN, but other relatives are going to be visiting my brother, so it will be a good chance for DS to see extended family. And I'll appreciate dry MT when I return.


----------



## vi_bride04

We need to celebrate...my QDRO should arrive around the same time! Lol


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> We need to celebrate...my QDRO should arrive around the same time! Lol


Hey everybody -- next round's on me and Vi!!!


----------



## angelpixie

Got an email from Ex this morning: The cash-out process is complete; the check is in the mail!


----------



## unsure78

Sweet!


----------



## angelpixie

Well, pooh.  Went over to the house tonight to work and move stuff around and took a look at the cabinet doors. I'd hoped to start hanging a few of them at least. Well, no. The paint is not sticking, even after 3 coats on the fronts. So, I moved them all down to the basement to make a space to move my kitchen table and chairs over tomorrow. I guess I'll have to sand them all down, prime them with real primer (the paint is supposed to have primer in it -- it just won the Consumer Reports Best Buy last month, but I'm less than impressed), and paint them again. I hate that I wasted all those hours working on them, just to have to do it all again. Oh well, what can I do, right? Next time, I'll know better. 

I did treat myself to a gyro, Greek fries (with lemon and oregano) and a piece of baklava for dinner tonight. Sat and ate it outside in my backyard. Beautiful, beautiful spring day -- my favorite time of year here. Fresh white snow on the peaks, and the valley bursting into green. And much warmer than last weekend -- upper 60s today and sunny. Just perfect! My lawn is already looking rather jungle-y, so I'll put DS to work mowing this weekend.  

Sigh. Back to cleaning the rental. I plugged the refrigerator in at the house; I hope it works well. I was trying not to run too many things at both places this month, but I guess I'd better find out if I need to buy a new one this weekend.  Keeping my fingers crossed. It's a pretty old fridge.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, here I am at work on a Saturday evening, DS sitting on my exercise ball next to me. The internet that was supposed to be up by 5 yesterday never materialized, so the provider was supposed to send a technician out today, _sometime_ between 1 and 5 p.m. Gee, not like I have anything else I need to do during that time, like MOVING. I kept trying to make short runs to the old house, leaving DS back a the new one (when I thought I'd have his help today  ) Finally, after 4 I called just to be sure he was still coming. Nope, according to the automated system, it was switched to MONDAY between noon and 4. Nobody called to let me know, nothing. Being pretty pissed by this time, I called the competition, and found out that for $5 more I can get more than twice the speed. Done and done. They will be here between 10 and noon on Monday. So I called the first company back and told them to cancel the service visit and cancel my service. Guess what? According to the live person I got this time (amazing how, even after hours, you get a live person when you say you want to cancel something ) the work ticket was _closed_ because the problem was _solved_ and he wasn't really coming back on Monday. ARRRRGGHHHH!!! Well, that kind of bass-ackwards stuff cost them a customer. 

So, no internet, skype, TAM or anything til at least Monday morning. I had a free pizza to redeem and it had to be online, so I came up to work to do it. 

Moving is moving along. Slower because of the internet thing, and an hour-long unplanned visit with my insurance guy. I guess I'm not meant to get done in time to get back to work on Tuesday instead of Wednesday like I'd hoped. Oh well.

When I was trying to hook up the computer last night, before I realized I had no internet, I asked Ex to look it over when he came to pick up DS. He built the computer, and DS saw what looked like some disconnected cables. When I saw him walking up the lawn when he came to pick up DS, I asked if he'd take a look. He stopped right there and said he had to tell posGF. He did. They discussed it in the car for almost 5 minutes, then they both came in together. FFS!!! So, just as I thought it would, it took a whole 30 seconds for Ex to verify that the disconnected cables were supposed to be that way. He also wanted my drill back again because he still can't find his cordless and insists I have it. I don't. He turns to posGF and verifies that she hasn't seen it. She has her hands clasped in front of her, and rises up on her tiptoes and says, 'You know me, I don't know anything about tools and stuff,' and I swear to God, batted her eyelashes at him. He gave her this twinkling little smile that said "You're so СUTE!" I almost puked. In a way it was validation. If he wants someone who makes him feel superior to her, then he definitely wouldn't want me. I DO know something about tools and I'm always trying to learn more (I learned quite a lot about the tool she's sleeping with, for example) So fine, chiquita, be his idiot. You're welcome to him.  

I noticed he's also deferring to her when we're discussing things like what time I'm dropping DS off or picking him up. Like he almost physically steps aside and has me discuss it with her. They are really working hard to present themselves to me as a unit. I don't know why it's so important to them. Why she had to come into the house about the computer for example. I have ABSOLUTELY no interest in Ex, so there's no reason for her to distrust me. It's just really puzzling. :scratchhead: It's a real concerted effort lately.

So, I will most likely be off TAM til Monday. I can read on my phone, but posting is a PITA. I'm going through withdrawal, and I miss all of you.


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## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Well, here I am at work on a Saturday evening, DS sitting on my exercise ball next to me. The internet that was supposed to be up by 5 yesterday never materialized, so the provider was supposed to send a technician out today, _sometime_ between 1 and 5 p.m. Gee, not like I have anything else I need to do during that time, like MOVING. I kept trying to make short runs to the old house, leaving DS back a the new one (when I thought I'd have his help today  ) Finally, after 4 I called just to be sure he was still coming. Nope, according to the automated system, it was switched to MONDAY between noon and 4. Nobody called to let me know, nothing. Being pretty pissed by this time, I called the competition, and found out that for $5 more I can get more than twice the speed. Done and done. They will be here between 10 and noon on Monday. So I called the first company back and told them to cancel the service visit and cancel my service. Guess what? According to the live person I got this time (amazing how, even after hours, you get a live person when you say you want to cancel something ) the work ticket was _closed_ because the problem was _solved_ and he wasn't really coming back on Monday. ARRRRGGHHHH!!! Well, that kind of bass-ackwards stuff cost them a customer.
> 
> So, no internet, skype, TAM or anything til at least Monday morning. I had a free pizza to redeem and it had to be online, so I came up to work to do it.
> 
> Moving is moving along. Slower because of the internet thing, and an hour-long unplanned visit with my insurance guy. I guess I'm not meant to get done in time to get back to work on Tuesday instead of Wednesday like I'd hoped. Oh well.
> 
> When I was trying to hook up the computer last night, before I realized I had no internet, I asked Ex to look it over when he came to pick up DS. He built the computer, and DS saw what looked like some disconnected cables. When I saw him walking up the lawn when he came to pick up DS, I asked if he'd take a look. He stopped right there and said he had to tell posGF. He did. They discussed it in the car for almost 5 minutes, then they both came in together. FFS!!! So, just as I thought it would, it took a whole 30 seconds for Ex to verify that the disconnected cables were supposed to be that way. He also wanted my drill back again because he still can't find his cordless and insists I have it. I don't. He turns to posGF and verifies that she hasn't seen it. She has her hands clasped in front of her, and rises up on her tiptoes and says, 'You know me, I don't know anything about tools and stuff,' and I swear to God, batted her eyelashes at him. He gave her this twinkling little smile that said "You're so СUTE!" I almost puked. In a way it was validation. If he wants someone who makes him feel superior to her, then he definitely wouldn't want me. I DO know something about tools and I'm always trying to learn more (I learned quite a lot about the tool she's sleeping with, for example) So fine, chiquita, be his idiot. You're welcome to him.
> 
> I noticed he's also deferring to her when we're discussing things like what time I'm dropping DS off or picking him up. Like he almost physically steps aside and has me discuss it with her. They are really working hard to present themselves to me as a unit. I don't know why it's so important to them. Why she had to come into the house about the computer for example. I have ABSOLUTELY no interest in Ex, so there's no reason for her to distrust me. It's just really puzzling. :scratchhead: It's a real concerted effort lately.
> 
> So, I will most likely be off TAM til Monday. I can read on my phone, but posting is a PITA. I'm going through withdrawal, and I miss all of you.


Good for you for going to the competition.The word 'cancel' does work wonders with these types of providers.I used the magic word 2 months ago and they bombarded me with emails...we'll give you a free gift card just to talk to us blah,blah.Now my monthly bill for all my services is 30% less than what I was paying last year at this time,and the gift card was put to good use! 

As for your ex...St.Jude probably couldn't help him.Every time you speak of posGF I hear The Stones singing 'under my thumb' for some reason.Serve him right!


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## Dollystanford

oh Angel - barftastic!!! Those two even make me puke and I don't know them *pistol finger*

you have to come back soon, I have something hilarious to tell you about Tosspot, I know you'll enjoy it bwahahaha


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## vi_bride04

So Angel, how does it feel to see someone get casterated right in front of your eyes?? 

Cuz she just took his balls off and put them in her purse. She plays the game good. All sweet and innocent in his eyes but a manipulative control freak at heart. Sounds like they are perfect for each other. And I'm sure she is worried about you just for the pure fact that their relationship started on cheating and lies. She doesn't trust him, and you are living so well she feels threatened by you....of course she wants to have some sort of control over that situation. If that means having his nasty sweaty balls in her purse, so be it!! (ewww)

I think your DS would have a more mature relationship with a girl than what they have together.


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## angelpixie

Hi everyone! I'm in the land of the living again -- well, that may be overstating it a little. At least I have internet again.  And twice as fast as before!! 

I'm off to do the actual grunge work on the old place now, as I've had numerous delays waiting for (and not seeing) internet installers on Friday and Saturday, insurance guy on Friday, and of course, multiple occasions of Ex arriving quite a lot later than scheduled (so what's new, eh?)

Will fill in and catch up with you all HOPEFULLY by tomorrow night.


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## unsure78

miss you angel!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

I miss you too, Angel.


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## angelpixie

Well, I'm fully out of the old rental. Finally. I have to go back and see if the inspector left me a note saying there were things they wanted me to fix. Right now, I'm really trying to decide if it's worth it, when I know this company and that they'll try to get my deposit back anyway. I'm exhausted. I didn't realize just what a dump that place was until I was on my hands and knees, and on a step stool, cleaning every nook and cranny. Peeling paint everywhere. I asked to paint it myself when I moved in, and they said no due to lead issues from the peeling paint. I got pieces under my nails a couple of times and it hurt like heck.  So poorly cared for over the years, and that makes me angry, because it's really any adorable little post-war cottage. Tons of windows and light. Great kitchen cabinet space. But windows that don't open. I found myself getting angry for DS and I living there, but it didn't take but a few seconds to realize that it was a necessary transitional space on my way out of my marriage. 

And that transition is over now. I've left the shabby behind and now I'm in my own home, one that was very well-cared-for by the previous owners. Something that I worked towards and dreamed of for so long. And it's only going to get better.


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## Ikaika

Angel, how long did your son live there... I don't want to frighten you but just wondering if you thought about getting a lead test done on him. Lead affects developing individuals than us older folks. 

Lead is more likely to lead to premature osteoporosis or other bone disorders in adults if the levels are high enough. It can have some detrimental affects on nervous system development for someone your sons age. 

You may even want to use this information with the rental company.


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## Ikaika

Angel

http://www.cdc.gov/nceh/lead/tips.htm


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## angelpixie

However, lest you all think that I went all this time without an Ex encounter, I can dispel that notion. 

When Ex got his photo studio that conveniently turned into his bachelor pad the day after he signed the lease, rolleyes he got a fold-out sofa that he also used as his bed there. When he left that place and moved back into the house, it went into storage until I moved out, then it was DS' bed in the rental. I didn't want to move it with me, but since I didn't have an idea of how long the QDRO would take, I didn't buy DS' new mattress and bed yet. So, we had to move it in here.  I didn't want any of that tainted stuff in this new place, but I had no choice. Well, this past weekend, I not only got him a mattress, but I was able to order his bed, and it will be delivered by Monday.  So, I texted Ex on Saturday to pick up the sofa if he wanted it. He said he would on Monday. It is leather or vinyl, and doesn't have arms, so it wasn't that hard for DS and I to stand it on end, and slide it on the wood floor into the hallway. 

Finally he said he was coming over around the time the guy was coming to install the broadband for me. I was going to see DS then, too, since it was a day off from school. Well, he and posGF show up 1/2 hour late. I had been trying to decide if I would help him move the sofa. He didn't offer me a single bit of help through my entire move, but I am trying to be true to myself, and I would want to help someone. I decided to play it by ear. Well, I didn't have long to wait. While I was in the doorway, they walked up my sidewalk, his arm around her so tightly they could barely walk straight. That made my mind up for me.  So, he came in and said he didn't know if he could carry it in his car. Mind you, he did when he bought it, when he moved out of his place, and when we moved it to my rental. In the same car. Whatever. By this time, I slid it to the front door, just so they wouldn't have to even come in the house. But they did.  He then asked if I had bungees. ??? Who has bungees long enough to put a bed on top of a car?? I told him I had rope and he could borrow it. So, he went to try to lift it, _and automatically turned to me to help him_ like he always would have. I totally would have helped, and did many times in these types of situations. I helped him carry it down the stairs when he moved out of the bachelor pad (where were all of his friends? Don't ask me. I wondered that, too). I kept my face totally void of emotion and took a tiny step back. He caught it, and turned to posGF. She got all flustered, and flapped her arms and was all 'What do I grab on to? What should I do?' I took another step back.  The two of them struggled it out the door and onto the sidewalk. I got the bundle of nylon rope and gave it to him. I swear to God it took him almost 1/2 an hour to get it up onto the car, and to tie it down. Mostly by himself. She wasn't much help. I laughed heartily every time I checked to see that they were still there. 

They informed me that DS was not with them, because he was having 'more' behavior issues, and they decided to leave him home, and he was grounded from the computer for that day and the next. I said I'd wanted to see him, and they said I could later -- they'd bring him into town, since I was too busy to drive out there.

Well, yes, I got a text: "Can you host DS for dinner tonight? We'll bring him by at 6" Um, no. I'm cleaning the rental, where I have no food or utensils, etc., and I brought myself a piece of fruit and a protein shake for dinner. I'd be happy to see him, but dinner is up to you.  So, he came for an hour and was an absolute angel, really helping me out a lot, doing everything I asked and a good job of it, too. I don't get into the middle of their problems with DS because right now, I'm not having any, but I don't know if that will change. I just try to do the best I can when he's with me, and so far, it's working well. 

******************

The QDRO check is *not* in the mail after all. _It's in my bank account!!_ When he dropped DS off, Ex gave me the check, all endorsed and payable to the former Mrs. Douchecanoe. 


*Wahoo!!* I'm nearly totally free.


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## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Angel, how long did your son live there... I don't want to frighten you but just wondering if you thought about getting a lead test done on him. Lead affects developing individuals than us older folks.
> 
> Lead is more likely to lead to premature osteoporosis or other bone disorders in adults if the levels are high enough. It can have some detrimental affects on nervous system development for someone your sons age.
> 
> You may even want to use this information with the rental company.


Only about a year and a half, D. There wasn't really any danger of him eating chips and I didn't sand or anything that would have created dust.


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## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Only about a year and a half, D. There wasn't really any danger of him eating chips and I didn't sand or anything that would have created dust.


True, but nevertheless, just use the CDC article when you go to the rental company about your potential exposure to your son. This should help to get your deposit back


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## angelpixie

Farewell, little house. You are shabby, inadequately heated, and probably not even legally habitable (but by God, you are _clean_), but you gave us a place from which to begin our new lives. 
*******

Going back to finish a few things the inspector noted (things I totally forgot to do, like washing the light fixtures and mowing the little strip of grass on the far side of the house) after the Y tonight was a little stressful, but DS and I got it done. I was a little worried that DS would get really emotional, as he does often at separations, endings, unexpected things, etc. But instead, he went over to the corner of the house before he got in the car, patted it, and said a little good-bye with a little catch in his voice. Then he got in the car. I was really proud of him.
*******

When we got home after all that, I got my mail, and I received the deed to the house from the County. A total day of transition.

I'm exhausted. Tomorrow it will be back to work, where I can relax.


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## TBT

God bless you both in your new home Angel.


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## angelpixie

Thanks, TBT!!


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## angelpixie

Well, a bit of a downturn, but not _entirely_ unexpected. I just thought I'd escaped it, based on erroneous information. As I posted in another thread, it looks like I will not be getting my rent deposit back, as my rental company is living up to its reputation. After giving the inspector a piece of my mind over the phone (which felt really good, by the way. I'm usually too timid with 'authority figures' to do that), I decided that I'm not going to put another umpteen hours trying to clean things that can't be made cleaner, and really require repair and fresh paint. The inspector basically accused me of lying when I told him of things I'd talked over with the agency when I moved in (and when he admitted he wasn't even working there), and one thing you'd better not accuse me of is lying. That was projected on me way too much in the last several years by my Ex, and I just won't take it. 

It makes me angry, as I'm not a rich person, and possibly losing all $750 of my deposit is not chump change. But my time is also valuable, and I know that they are in the business of making money, not being fair or nice. 

Makes me just that much more grateful that I won't have to go through that ever again. I will be a far better property owner than the people who own that house. 

----

In other news, if my STFC teacher's flight in from SLC doesn't get in in time, I'll be teaching tomorrow night. I'm not in the mood and I'm exhausted, but I told her 'no' last week, and I don't want to upset her or the dance studio, who ended up having to cancel class altogether. If I do teach, she wants me to focus on quads -- lots of squats, she said. Oh, joy. 

-------

I did receive a surprise dinner invitation for Sunday night to thank me for my volunteering this season at contra. I'll be bringing DS, too, which made one of the hosts (a well-known U prof here) say 'Oh, good, you're bringing my favorite dance partner!' DS is getting a reputation, lol. 


Is it the weekend yet?


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## Traggy

Oh hey!


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## angelpixie

Hey, Traggy! Long time, no see -- how are things?


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## unsure78

Hey Traggy!


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## Dollystanford

Traggy! How's your iliac crest


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## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Traggy! How's your iliac crest


Ahh, that brings back memories...good times, good times...


Wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded...


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## angelpixie

So, my teacher texted me late yesterday afternoon asking if I could teach.  Ex had dropped DS off with me at work just as I was finishing up for the day, which was also just at the time I got her texts, so I was feeling a bit crazy. I had really been hoping I didn't have to. I'm just so, so, so tired.  But within 10 minutes of asking me, she said that she'd teach after all, but hoped I'd come to class.  It turned out to be just me and the other frequent student (the one with the crazy shoes), and OMG!!!! my teacher had us almost in tears. We didn't have class last week, and she drove us really hard. And then had us do everything over again in our 7" heels. Which really, is like strapping weights onto your feet, lol. Turns out she was wound up because of the injury lawsuit she's still dealing with, so she kind of took it out on us, I guess.  I also found out I have to go to a mandatory staff meeting for the dance studio on Monday night, where I'm sure I'll stick out like a sore thumb. Oh well. Been there, done that, lol. 

**************

We're getting settled a little more. The school bus doesn't stop near our house, so I've had to add driving DS to school into our morning routine. It's too late in the year for them to add him, but since he's starting middle school next year, I'll make sure they get him in the schedule before fall. So far, we're working it out. He's been really cooperative, and of course, I have to do less for him than I used to when he was younger.

When I got home from work tonight, I had a 90-lb box on my doorstep: his bed arrived, 3 days ahead of schedule. That's how we spent our Friday evening. He's really excited, as you can see:



Couldn't get him to hold still enough to get a non-blurry picture, lol.

I think the snow has _finally_ stopped for the year, so yard work is on the agenda for this weekend. Contra tomorrow night. Had to miss the last one since it fell on my big moving party weekend. I hope it's fun. I'd like to have some fun. 

*********
Observation I made while moving the stuff in my kitchen:

I have an inordinate number of ripe bananas in my freezer, and chocolate chips, and 2 unopened jars of Nutella (besides the opened jar  )... I think finding a recipe that uses some or all of these items is also on the agenda for this weekend. Might be a nice thing to make for the people who helped me move.


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## angelpixie

OMG - I just got the weekly email from our recycled building materials place. This -- I want this!! Only $75 for all of it!! What do you think, Dolly? Could I put these in your bathroom?


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## angelpixie

Had a horrible dream about my mom last night, well, early this morning. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about anymore, but I remember trying to physically run away from her, and all I could do was run up to my room, which was totally bare except for my bed, a folding chair, and a little pile of clothes on the bare wood floor. I felt like everything else had been taken from me, emotionally and materially. She came up after me, and was trying to get in, still screaming at me, and taunting me. I tried to jam the chair under the doorknob, but it wasn't strong enough and just slid on the floor, I had just enough time to push the bed in her way, run to the window and throw up the sash. There wasn't even a screen on the window. I was so frantic to get away from her I started to jump out the window, then I woke up. Took a long time to go back to sleep. 

I haven't had one exactly like that before. Wonder where that came from. I haven't been consciously thinking about my mom any more than usual.


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## angelpixie

Life has been filled with lots of business. DS and I spent a good part of yesterday working on the front and back yards, and the largest garden plot. I don't think they used landscape cloth under some of the rock areas, so there was a lot of weeding, and the dandelions are running rampant. I'm allergic to them, so I wanted to get as many as I could before they went to seed. My allergies are feeling it today, lol.

DS was not very helpful at first. Everything was too hard, or too heavy, etc. I had a hard time dealing with it. I realized it brought up a lot of leftover anger towards his dad and his childishness and general weakness. I had to really think before I spoke to DS, because I don't want to take my disrespect for his father out on him. But on the other hand, I don't want to raise a child who doesn't know how to work hard, and pitch in. He is kind of scatterbrained sometimes, and doesn't always have a head for figuring out even simple problems. If the first thing he thinks of doesn't work, then he can't do something. I know that a lot of it is how interesting or important something is to him, because he can be quite creative when it comes to games and things on the computer. But not everything in life is fun. So far, neither his dad nor I have expected a lot of work or help from him. I don't think his dad still is, but I'm wanting to change that. 

He finally did buckle down and help. Somehow, I want to instill in him that pride of wanting to do a good job at something, just for its own sake. It's a lesson for me, too. I can't get frustrated when he acts like a brat once in a while and just do it myself. I just have to give him consequences when he doesn't do what he's capable of. None of the 'I forgot' crap that his dad always got away with. 

I feel like I'm walking a tightrope, being a mom of a boy. So many places where I can screw up. Especially a boy with a dad who's kind of a loser in many ways.

*******************

I signed us up to go on a volunteer work group for the contra gang next weekend. There's a big weekend dance camp in the fall each year, for which the group rents a church camp on Flathead Lake, a really gorgeous area. If we go up and help get the camp ready for summer, they knock $1000 off the rental for the dance camp. 

I can't afford to go to the weekend, but my friend and I are going to take our boys and go up next weekend and help work. They provide food, and we just have to bring our own bedding. There's also a dance Saturday night. It's about a 3 hour drive each way, so we pay our own gas, too. It's kind of funny. We are looking at a work weekend as a getaway, just because it's in a beautiful place, they provide food, and there's a dance. Yeah, we'll be working our butts off on Saturday and part of Sunday (Mother's Day ), paying our own way to get there, but hey! it's out of town, so it's a vacation, right? All so that people who can afford to go to the dance camp in the fall can pay less. :scratchhead: 

She and I are both very down. Both of us nearly didn't make it to contra Saturday night, and since women far outweighed the men, we didn't even get to dance much. She's thinking she may have to move back to the state she brought her boys from, as she's having a terrible time getting a job, and roommates to live with her and the boys (and their dogs) in her rental house. She got royally screwed in her D settlement, and is barely getting by. 

Neither of us see much happiness in our futures at this point. Just a lot of work ahead taking care of our kids, trying to be good moms and trying to do our best to make up for what their dads lack. So, times of lots of busy-ness, alternating with lots of time alone. She's my age, and we have a fair amount in common in 'feeling' and being interested in things that are 'younger.' But that isn't the way reality is. 

We are both trying to concentrate on what we are grateful for, and we both have things, for sure, but as women, there doesn't seem to be much out there for us.

We are both finding things in our lives pushing us towards socializing with women who are older than we are, and also alone. That doesn't help things at all, emotionally speaking. 

We find ourselves being torn between fighting back, and just giving in. Fighting back is exhausting.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> I don't think they used landscape cloth under some of the rock areas, so there was a lot of weeding, and the dandelions are running rampant.


1 Gallon apple cider vinegar + 1 spoonful dish detergent + 1 spoonful salt = almost certain death to plants

Dawn, with its degreasing agent, works best. The detergent removes the waxy coating that protects leaves, and then the salt and acidic vinegar destroys them.

It works a lot like Roundup... Put it in a squirt bottle and judiciously spray any weeds you don't want (but ONLY those). If you do it on a nice, warm, sunny day, you'll see the weeds start to shrivel up in a manner of hours.

One good rain or sprinkler watering quickly washes it away, so you can quickly replant without worrying, and its safe to use around pets and kids.


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## EnjoliWoman

AP - I'm sorry the great news about your house is being tempered with social issues and the deposit. Do you know anyone in the real estate industry who could go look/inspect and would make a good court witness? Not with the intent of going to court - just to 'scare' them?

Do you have any photos from that rental house, even if they are family photos that show the background in any way to prove that's the way it was when you moved in? I understand not wanting to work and put the place in better condition than you left. 

Can you call a government control agency or the BBB? Housing board? Just thinking of anywhere that would help put pressure on getting the money back?


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## soca70

AP - how's everything going?


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## angelpixie

Thanks, EW. I did take pictures, but I don't know where they are now. I've looked on my computer. I have a friend who is a lawyer, and yesterday, she offered to write me a 'lawyer letter' if I need it. I guess I'll wait to see how much they take out. 

I'm in a fairly bad funk right now, unfortunately, so getting the will to fight back is...difficult to say the least. Just trying to lay low here instead of spreading the dark around,


----------



## Ikaika

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, EW. I did take pictures, but I don't know where they are now. I've looked on my computer. I have a friend who is a lawyer, and yesterday, she offered to write me a 'lawyer letter' if I need it. I guess I'll wait to see how much they take out.
> 
> I'm in a fairly bad funk right now, unfortunately, so getting the will to fight back is...difficult to say the least. Just trying to lay low here instead of spreading the dark around,


Sorry to hear Angel <<Hugs>>, sending you Aloha from Hawai'i


----------



## EnjoliWoman

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, EW. I did take pictures, but I don't know where they are now. I've looked on my computer. I have a friend who is a lawyer, and yesterday, she offered to write me a 'lawyer letter' if I need it. I guess I'll wait to see how much they take out.
> 
> I'm in a fairly bad funk right now, unfortunately, so getting the will to fight back is...difficult to say the least. Just trying to lay low here instead of spreading the dark around,


Show your azz. Let me light a fire under it! 

Fighting is wearisome. I get it - I have gotten so tired of always having to document, substantiate, prove, fight. Just know there is an end in sight and the bumps in the road will smooth out and become less often and less severe. (hugs)


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## Lifescript

Sorry about this angel. Hope it gets resolved quickly.


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## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Thanks, EW. I did take pictures, but I don't know where they are now. I've looked on my computer. I have a friend who is a lawyer, and yesterday, she offered to write me a 'lawyer letter' if I need it. I guess I'll wait to see how much they take out.
> 
> I'm in a fairly bad funk right now, unfortunately, so getting the will to fight back is...difficult to say the least. Just trying to lay low here instead of spreading the dark around,


Gather your strength AP...you've been going,going,going.You're a fighter,but everyone needs a break from time to time.Sending you all the good vibes this old guy can muster!


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## angelpixie

Thanks, everybody. Hanging in there. Trying to stay hopeful. We had a bit of a thunderstorm tonight, and I saw a rainbow that ended...on top of my garage? :scratchhead: Maybe I need to dig up the floor and see if there's gold hidden in there. 

My friend decided not to go up to the camp this weekend, which kind of sucks, as her son would have been able to play with DS, and now I hope he'll have a good time. Been a tough week here with parenting issues illustrating just how different Ex and I are in the way we view things, and how much he's changed those views since he's been with posGF. As much as we fell apart in our relationship, we still agreed pretty much down the line in how to parent DS...until she moved in the house. I have a fight ahead of me regarding fundamental changes they want to make in DS' education, and the hardest part for me is that I can't be brutally honest in why I think Ex is full of sh!t as it would probably end us up in court.  Let's just say that if he'd applied some of the tough standards to himself the way he wants to apply them to DS, we'd probably not be divorced right now, and he'd probably be gainfully employed. But instead there's a double standard that we can't talk about.   

So, I'm just trying to literally throw myself into working around here, when I can keep myself out of bed. Ugh. Moved two sofas into the basement by myself the other night, but tonight I've had a hard time staying upright. Double Ugh. 

I appreciate the good thoughts. I'm sure this will blow over sooner or later and I'll bounce back. I always do. I've got to get things finished. My dad's coming out on the 31st, and I want the place to look nice for him.


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## TBT

Hope you're doing better Angel and Happy Mother's Day! There's no one more deserving!!


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## angelpixie

Thank you so much, TBT!! DS and I did have a nice weekend, though not your usual Mother's Day observance. We did go up to the camp and both of us helped to paint one of the counselor's cabins. About half of the people who said they were coming backed out, so we didn't get everything done, but those of us who were there worked twice as hard. We had enough for a small dance group using recorded music, and that was fun. It was all experienced dancers, so everyone was trying extra flourishes, etc. I was getting a little dizzy from all the double and triple twirling, lol. DS even wanted to try a couple of contras. He was so tired, and the first one was a little too complicated, so I pulled us out of the line-up so we didn't mess everyone up. But for the next two, they all purposely picked easier ones just so DS could dance with all of us, too. First time I've been able to sit down and just chat with some of the people which was nice. There's a partial scholarship available for the actual dance weekend (nothing scholarly about it, it's helping in the kitchen for a reduced ticket price), so I might look into that. I'm not sure what my schedule is on Labor Day weekend yet.

Being right on that lake made me miss Minnesota lakes a bit. Hearing that water lapping at the shore while I was drifting off to sleep made me remember being a kid, when we lived right on a lakeshore with our own little beach. We have a few rivers where we are now, but we have to travel a ways to get to a lake. I posted a few pics in the Random Pics thread in Social. It was really beautiful. And of course, no trip to a lake would be complete without a few 'cool' rocks and sticks to bring back home. At least now we have a great rock area in the yard where they'll fit right in.


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## angelpixie

Overshadowing all of this was Ex, of course. Late last week, he dropped a bomb on me that he and posGF and DS all think DS should be homeschooled next year. DS has not been happy in school, due to bullying issues I mentioned a while back, which have improved greatly, and other unspecified issues.

He's due to start middle school next year, which will include kids from a 2nd elementary school, and there will be more activities for him to become involved in. Ex and I can identify some of the same problems DS is having, like a terrible lack of organizational skills, and a general lack of care which leads to a lot of forgotten work, things that should have been brought home for us to be signing, reading, etc.

Ex has issues with authority, obviously, and he's also an elitist. He is positive that leaving DS in a public school system will result in him turning into 'nothing but a cashier.' Because, God knows, nobody who went to public school ever amounted to anything.  I'm the one of us who was bullied terribly in school. If I seriously thought that it was a huge problem and there was no other alternative, I'd be all for homeschooling. But things are different from when I was in school. This district takes it very seriously. They made special plans for things DS could do when he was getting bullied by this particular kid, who they knew had severe emotional problems. Problem is, DS didn't follow through. 

He's expressed boredom in some of his classes because he truly does already know what they're learning in class. He's been tested and invited to be in gifted groups and do extra challenging activities. It's all voluntary, and he doesn't go. 

In my opinion, we need to meet with a professional who can help us to put together more pro-active things Ex and I can do when we have him to make sure he's held to his responsibilities and that he has consequences. He also needs to be with other kids so that he gets his socialization skills. His father disagrees. He doesn't see any need for DS to learn how to get a long with kids. Adults are all that matters, since he'll end up an adult someday. I can't believe how short-sighted this is. That's just not how people develop!

But he and posGF have it all figured out, thanks in part to talks they've had with the father of a friend of DS' from fencing class. He's a former teacher who is now homeschooling this friend. Ex has told me that I can change to a work schedule of 4 10-hour days (which, after adding mandatory lunch hour is actually an 11-hour day) and they'll let me teach math and science on the fifth day. Ex and posGF will teach art, literature, history, music and French (of course). At first I seriously thought about it. I have nothing against homeschooling per se. Ex and I considered it quite a bit when we were planning our family. But back then, we realized that to do it right, it's pretty much a full time job, and we couldn't sacrifice one of our incomes. Neither of them work full-time, of course, so f'ing up my schedule doesn't matter to them. I realized that during those 4 long days, I'd not see DS, whether it was my week with him or not. The most logistically feasible thing would be for him to be with them those 4 days every week. I'm not willing to give up seeing DS for 4 days a week, and especially so he can spend more time with them.

I expressed this to Ex, and also that I don't think it's a good idea. I've spoken to other (working) parents who've investigated it, and also to a few teachers, and all agree that this is not going to fix DS' issues. It will likely make them worse. 

Unfortunately, I found out this weekend that Ex had already talked about this with DS and DS assumes it's a done deal. I emailed Ex my concern that decisions are being made around me, and that only the _two_ of us can make decisions regarding DS' education. He took umbrage with that and said he only told DS we were thinking about it. Well, judging by how gung-ho he was telling _me_ about it, I am not surprised DS thought it was a final decision. 

We are getting together on Wednesday while DS is at fencing, at my suggestion, to talk this over. I pointedly told Ex that I wanted to see only him. We'll see if that happens.


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## angelpixie

And no big surprise, but Ex did nothing to help DS do anything for me for Mother's Day, for the 2nd year in a row. He didn't even wish me a happy mother's day this year. I guess my performance has slipped.


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## Ikaika

Angel

I don't agree at all with your ex in terms of DS's socializing skills with peers. I recommend you get some documented information on the issue and arm with it at your meeting with ex. 

Oh yea, I am the product of a public school education... I guess I am a loser in your ex's eyes. Well maybe I am, but so is one of my public school classmates who just got appointed a judge here in my state 

School is what you make it out to be, not always the environment. Years back a student in my lab who graduated from the same private High School that President Obama graduated from, ended up being incarcerated dealing in Meth... great education and a loser in his choices. You support your son and work with him, he can still make something of education in the public school system. 

The bullying issue, your ex needs to be a man put some pressure on the administration to deal with it and do it now. I know I would if I thought my son was being harassed.


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## angelpixie

Well, D, we did go to the school together to talk to his teachers and guidance counselor about the bully. He did take it seriously. But it just fits into his idea of taking him out of school. I know how bad and scarring bullying can be in school, so if I thought they weren't taking it seriously or making it worse, I'd be the first one screaming to take him out of school, believe me. I just don't think that's the case this time.


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## angelpixie

Well, I'm teaching STFC this week, and at least I had more than a few hours notice this time. I have DS with me for the week starting tomorrow night, so I spent the last hour and a half tonight working on choreographing another song while I still had some time to myself. It's one I've wanted to use in STFC ever since I heard it the first time. It's a little faster than I usually choose, but when you do everything on two beats instead of one, it looks almost like slow motion, in my totally uneducated opinion, lol. It even has the big finale of the sexy backwards somersault. :smthumbup: It's 6 minutes long, so I'm a little proud of myself. And I'm very grateful to have a carpeted basement to practice in.  

But now I need a shower, and it's already 1 a.m. 

Grinderman/U.N.K.L.E - Hyper Worm Tamer - YouTube


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## TBT

Just saw your pics from last weekend AP...love the view with the mountains in the background.Keep your chin up.


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## Paradise

AP, 

I'm a public school teacher so I want to chime in. I hope your meeting with the ex went well tonight but I just want to support your stance to keep your son in school and allow him to grow and continue to support getting him involved. I have multiple friends who were home schooled and their social skills are atrocious. They have a hard time holding down a job even though they are extremely bright. 

Your son is entering a rough stretch in time with puberty approaching. 

Oh....And just for the record....WHen your ex wants to discuss something regarding your son you make darn sure it is only you and him discussing it. I think it might be time to establish some boundaries with POSOW. She is not raising that young man.


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## angelpixie

Thanks, Paradise -- I really appreciate your post! 

Late in the afternoon, I got an email from posGF, contacting me personally, to let me know that she wanted to be a part of the discussion about DS' school. She spent a whole day at his school with him (must be nice being 'self-employed' so you can do things like that. Wish I could. ), and she wanted to share what she saw. I didn't answer her right then and instead texted Ex that I wished, again, to see just him for this initial meeting. I intended to confront him with the fact that he and DS have given me polar opposite information on how DS feels about school now, and next year. I didn't want her there. 

Due to some unrelated phone issues, we didn't end up meeting where and when we'd planned. DS was too 'wiped' to go to fencing, so luckily, posGF was at home watching him. Yay, right? No, Ex decided he was also too tired to drive up to the Starbucks at Barnes & Noble to meet me. On his side of town, where I'd already driven at his request.  So, instead we spoke on the phone. I suspect I was on speakerphone so she could hear, but I can't be sure.

Rather than jump into discussing DS' school, Ex found it far more pressing to discuss my feelings about posGF. Big surprise, right? We talked quite awhile, but I held my own. No decisions about DS' school were made. We (all 3 of us) are meeting next week, after all researching how kids homeschooled in middle school fare when deposited back into high school. I predict it's not very well.

I had information on the programs at the middle school, and about special teams they've set up where kids and teachers have just what Ex and I said DS needs: oversight, follow-through, and accountability. I feel like the reasons he has for pushing homeschooling are dissolving.

But some of the most bizarre things were Ex's displays of his own mental and emotional issues. For one thing, he point blank stated that DS could have no better teacher than Ex. He knows more than any public school teacher, and he knows DS. He also feels that DS will be a 'bully magnet' for the next 10 years and the only way to help him is to remove him from the school environment. Since 'nobody' enjoyed middle or high school, we'd be doing him a favor by keeping him out of them. He, also, again, showed total lack of anything regarding tact or empathy towards me, by stating quite conversationally that DS should not be having any confusion over posGF's role in his life, because that's already been covered. She is Ex's 'life partner.' Luckily, he kept talking without pause, because, even though I honestly tried, I couldn't prevent a little snort from escaping when he said that.  How many 'life partners' does a non-polygamist get, anyway? 

I told him that she will never be equal to me in decision-making or care where DS is concerned. DS has one mother, period. That I appreciate that she cares about DS, and treats him well, but that does not give her rights over him. And that I expected Ex to respect me, and me alone, as DS' mother. That the two of us, and nobody else, are DS' parents. That he is the one who is confusing the situation by not recognizing that. At first, he tried to tell me that that was exactly the kind of negative attitude that was causing problems for the three of them. I was not even angry when I told him. I just said I was stating the truth: there were specific roles. As long as we all kept those roles straight, we'd get along fine. I didn't appreciate the two of them figuring out the whole homeschool idea, informing DS about it, before I knew anything about it. We agreed to discuss things between the two of us more, and to play things more close to the vest with DS until we could talk to each other. 

He still tried the old behaviors of talking over the top of me, twisting my words, projecting, etc., but thankfully, my new skills kicked in, and I just let him sputter himself out instead of trying to counter him. I felt a lot stronger by the time it was over. And I was reeealllly nervous and stressed beforehand. Tight breathing, gut pains, all the old reactions. 

Another reason against homeschooling -- it necessitates increased contact with him. 

Just because I know she's in the picture for good (however long that is ), and I have to maintain a decent atmosphere for DS, I did respond to her email later, reiterating that I was interested in hearing what she saw in DS' school, and that I appreciate that she cares about DS. 

You are all hereby invited to my canonization ceremony.  :rofl:


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## angelpixie

Ooooh -- saw this on FB tonight. The people who found it replaced the original tube TV with a flat screen. THIS is what I want!!


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## Paradise

Angel, I got to say your ex and his POSGF make me want to throw up. You keep holding your ground. THis is a very important stretch for you to establish boundaries. 

Personally, I would not get involved with the GF about what she "saw" at school. She is not the one making decisions here. She needs to understand that immediately. I think personally it would be a huge mistake for you to entertain in these discussions. They are not married and she has no right to be at that school and making decisions for your son. 

Man, this gets my blood boiling.


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## vi_bride04

Maybe you can use the oppoturnity of speaking to her about the school issues to state your boundary of "BACK THE F* UP AWAY FROM PARENTING MY SON, BEEEEIIOOTTTTCH!"


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> He also feels that DS will be a 'bully magnet' for the next 10 years and the only way to help him is to remove him from the school environment.


Speaking as a former bully magnet... No. It's not the only way to help him, and it's far from the best way to help him.


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## soca70

AP - my sister is going through some of the same issues you have described here with her daughter. After she married second husband last year, they enrolled my niece in a Catholic school as they thought this would be a better education than the public schools (and no, we're not Catholic and I was like "WTF?") Now experiencing bullying issues in 5th grade that my sister has addressed earlier with the administration who downplayed it as the parents involved were big contibutors to the Catholic church. I just found this out yesterday and it makes me want to yank her out of there and I'm also distressed by this as due to my sister's divorce, my niece has flipped through 3 schools in 3 years.

I can't advise on the homeschooling as I'm not familiar (from what I've seen it seems like religious issues). However, what does your custody agreement state about disagreements with education and how are they to be resolved? 

And as far as that GF goes, I'd kick somebody's a$$ before they got involved with my kids' educational decisions.


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## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Speaking as a former bully magnet... No. It's not the only way to help him, and it's far from the best way to help him.


I was bullied quite badly starting when we moved to MN. It gradually got better by high school, but 5th & 6th grade were the absolute worst. If anyone would want to yank him out of public school due to bullying, you'd think it would be me. The difference between my situation and DS is the attitude of the schools and my parents vs. DS'. We and the school are taking it seriously, and supporting DS. That is making a big difference already. I can see it. 

The way to handle this is to support DS, be a part of the change in attitude that bullying isn't just OK and part of growing up, and to help DS learn the skills he'll need throughout his life. Bullying doesn't stop at graduation. We all know (or have even been married to) adult bullies. 

DS will be able to handle things much better than I did if he learns to stand up for himself, that he has value and back-up, and more about the true nature of bullies and their problems. 

The more I think about yesterday, the more this seems to be about Ex's ego and narcissism, and less about anything to do with helping DS.


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## angelpixie

And as far as posGF is concerned, I do not feel that I have a real choice as to whether or not to include her in this next meeting. I honestly do want to know what she saw at DS' school. And I don't want to hide from her. I have nothing to be ashamed of or any reason to feel inferior to her. Just having her there will not give her decision-making power. Whether or not she influences d!ckhead, I have no say in that. Obviously she does. 

DS does like her. Causing friction makes things worse for me, unfortunately. I am dismissed as the bitter ex-wife. Unfair, but true. 

As I compared her once before, she is the cold sore virus who is always there. If I can keep my immune system strong, I can minimize her active breakouts. I love visualizing her that way. :rofl:


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## soca70

angelpixie said:


> DS does like her. Causing friction makes things worse for me, unfortunately. I am dismissed as the bitter ex-wife. Unfair, but true.


As we've discussed before, the BS yet again has to do the heavy lifting...


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## EnjoliWoman

angelpixie said:


> Well, I'm teaching STFC this week,


I saw that and my brain said you were teaching STFU this week - here for a moment I'm thinking you were 'taking ex to school' on public school!

I'm sorry you are having to battle so much about this with the ex. And for the GF to already figure out who teaches what and when and what your work schedule should be is OVER THE TOP! WTF???

And DS shouldn't even know it's being discussed! That sort of thing is exactly what puts the kids in the middle, makes them feel compelled to take sides with one parent or the other and teaches the child how to manipulate. Not cool AT ALL.

I know my personal experience won't mean crap to him but my daughter is in a public school. She has friends that are short, tall, black, white, asian, latino, male, female, skinny, fat, goth, preppy, emo, popular, not popular, poor, rich, gifted, in remedial, athletic, musical, artistic, dry, funny, bubbly, serious and every in-between. And I'm damn proud of that.

One of the things that got me where I am (once out of ex's clutches) was my social skills. To carry on a conversation with any executive, millionaire, janitor or secretary. My official 'credentials' aren't impressive with 1 year of college. We all put our pants on the same way. We all want to be loved and accepted and appreciated. By immersing our kids in the melting pot of the public school we reinforce our similarities moreso than our differences. 

Or... bloom where you are planted. I agree your son will get more socially from learning to cope with bullies (after all they exist in the workplace, too!) and build strong friendships with a variety of people. This will serve him just as well as testing a grade ahead. 

I'm not against home schooling but to do it right takes a LOT of effort and is a full-time job in itself to include the right socialization. In my fairly large city it's easier because there is a whole organization that plans field trips, proms, science fairs, etc. for kids who are home schooled but I don't think that's the norm.

Stand your ground. I'm sorry you're weary of always having to stand your ground. It will pass - this is the really hard part of setting the boundaries. Insist on talking to JUST him, and always making decisions together BEFORE even mentioning anything to your son. Which it looks like you have already done. Hugs, AP.


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## angelpixie

EnjoliWoman said:


> I saw that and my brain said you were teaching STFU this week - here for a moment I'm thinking you were 'taking ex to school' on public school!


Hahaha -- I love this!! 

I have my degree from *S.T.F.U.!! :smthumbup: *


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## soca70

angelpixie said:


> Ooooh -- saw this on FB tonight. The people who found it replaced the original tube TV with a flat screen. THIS is what I want!!


I like that little wet bar...


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## angelpixie

Me, too. I have a set of vintage highball glasses that would go perfectly in there. Utilitarian on so many levels, haha.


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## angelpixie

Got the call that my bed is ready to be picked up from the powder coaters. I'm curious how it turned out...


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## angelpixie

So, I just wanted to mark an anniversary that I almost forgot, and also to mark the fact that I almost forgot it. May 20, 1997. Our first kiss. We celebrated this date every year, the last time in 2011, during our in-house separation (at Ex's insistence, actually). The numbers of the date became our PIN for almost everything. It was a big deal. 

And I was nearly through the workday today before I realized what today was. The days leading up to this? The anniversary date didn't even come up on my radar. For someone who remembers the dates of everything momentous and tragic, today I celebrate...the fact that I nearly forgot all about this. It surprises me on so many levels. But a big one has to do with lilacs. Our first kiss was amongst a massive wall of blooming lilacs. I've loved them all my life, and that just made it all more special. We got married in winter, so I couldn't have real ones at my wedding, but we had artificial ones, and my bridesmaids wore lilac-colored gowns. One of the first things we did when we got our house was to plant lilac bushes. They are gloriously in bloom all over town right now, and I've been admiring them, wishing the little twig lilac bushes in my yard were just a few years older. 

And all of it has been disconnected from our anniversary. For me that's a huge sign of healing. 

And another one later on. We switched nights so that DS would be with his dad tonight. We were meeting at a grocery store near my house. While I was waiting, I was just listening to music, singing along with my eyes closed, head leaning back on the headrest, windows down. DS was reading a library book. I didn't realize Ex had driven up next to DS, and heard a little beep of the horn. I was startled and looked over and saw him. Rather than be irritated that I wasn't paying attention like I would have expected, he smiled very warmly at me, like he was happy to see me relaxed and singing. I was a little embarrassed, but just smiled and got DS ready to go. It all went well. I got in the car and as I was driving away, I happened to glance in their direction, and saw him kiss her. The first time I've seen that. I've seen him hold her hand, put his arm around her, but never kiss her. On all days, too. I don't know if he remembers what today is. I don't know if he did that meaning for me to see it. I honestly don't think so. The most important thing for me was that it didn't stab. I know who he is. He's not like that man I kissed amongst the lilacs 16 years ago now. So there's nothing to hurt _about_, really. Even last year, there was still pain. Our first anniversary really, truly apart. To have so much change in a year...to anyone who reads this and is still overwhelmed with hurt and pain. It will get better. I am proof.


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## Ikaika

I know these post can be tough, but I so love reading your writing. I know, I know broken record - you really need to get published. Your book(s) would sell. I know there is a market for your writing. 

Anyway AngelP, take care... I know it is all behind you but today has to be a little tough.


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## angelpixie

Something that another TAMer is dealing with has triggered a bunch of memories of a very bad time. I am being flooded with memories of my second pregnancy, which ended in a miscarriage, nearly exactly like the one I read about yesterday. We had talked about when we wanted to try for a second child, and since I was already 39, we didn't know how long it would take. It happened immediately with DS even though I was almost 37, but we didn't know if we'd be that lucky again. Well, it only took til our 2nd month of trying that second time. I had a positive home test the night before Christmas Eve (which is also the date he proposed to me years before), and we were so happy that Christmas. We were talking about how there would be another person at the table by the next Christmas, albeit in a bouncy seat. When I went for my first appointment at about 9 weeks, it was to the same Ob/Gyn who delivered DS. He always had people bring a videotape and he'd tape the ultrasounds. So, we did that again. We could see it right away, but there was no heartbeat. Having been through this before, we knew we had one with DS at my first appointment at 8 weeks. Nice and strong. He kept trying, and finally, when he leaned over and turned off the tape, I knew. 

He told me that I might have miscounted, and might not really be at 9 weeks. That they'd do blood tests on my hormone levels to see if maybe I was not as far along. They came back and were inconclusive. So I went in every couple of days. Still no heartbeat, no growth, but no change in hormones. My body still acted like I was pregnant, but I wasn't. I was going in every week to see if anything was changing, because if not, he would have to do a D&C to prevent me getting a possible life-threatening infection. He was worried. Eventually, my body just reabsorbed everything and after a few more months I was back to 'normal'. It was heartbreaking, and even worse because it dragged out so long, and my body was still 'acting' pregnant even though mentally I knew I wasn't. 

When it all first started, Ex was seemingly supportive. He said all the right things to our family, who we hadn't told about the pregnancy yet. But after the first appointment, I went to the others alone. I felt like I dealt with it all alone. He admitted later that it was all never really real to him, since we'd never heard a heartbeat. But I had been pregnant, we knew that. It was a loss. Definitely I felt it. I still do, in a corner of my heart. It's impossible not to wonder what might have been. 

That was early in 2005, a year which was to become one of the worst in my life. Health problems that I was having a difficult time getting diagnosed and treated. Ex starting to exhibit more and more of what I see now were his very narcissistic behaviors. Major EA in the summer. Increasing emotional and verbal abuse of me. Finally, his selfishness and lack of care when I had major surgery later that year led me to make the heartbreaking decision to have no more children. Not because of my age or my body, but because this healthy, younger man could not emotionally deal with it. Such a waste. 

It was the beginning of things really falling apart. The following fall, he had his 'break-down,' about which, looking at the years since, I'll never _really_ know for certain, how much was real and how much was embellished by him. 

I had to realize, though, that in spite of the pain of the loss and the pain of realizing I'd never have more children, it was probably for the best that it turned out the way it did. It's bad enough that we have one child who was hurt when we split, and is dealing with the fallout now. It's just as well, though painful, that we didn't have more children.

It seems that when it rains, it pours. But as with our anniversary yesterday, this leaves me feeling more of just an empty ache than what I've felt in the past. Wishing I'd seen things more clearly then. When I finally made that decision not to have more kids, I'd also already started back to school because I was trying to find an employment alternative that would be better-paying, because deep-down, I knew he'd leave me eventually. I thought that changed when he had his breakdown, but it didn't. I'll always wonder how things would have been different if I'd left then. 

I'll never know. But I know i wasn't very emotionally strong then. Not as strong as I am now. I hadn't broken beyond my childhood conditioning and my later co-dependence with my husband. I can't say that things would have been better. It's just as likely that I'd have found another man, but we'd have had just as dysfunctional of a relationship. 

These are all just things that happen during our lives that affect who we are. And how we react to them and what we take from them makes us who we are going forward. What I've learned is that it's never too late to go back and look at those events and learn a little more with the benefit of hindsight and newly-gained wisdom.


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## Lifescript

Angel, 

Sorry about you having to go through that. 

Looking back at mistakes made is a good way to learn and apply it in the future. 

Everything happens for a reason.


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## angelpixie

That is true, Script. We can take something positive away from everything that happens to us, if we want to. Even if it's just knowing what NOT to do next time.


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## Northern Monkey

I think you've shown impressive restraint Angel.

DS only needs one Mum. It's great that she gives a damn, doesn't make her Mum no2 though. I think you're spot on in your approach to her.

For what it's worth, my own bullying in school taught me you can't run from it. Homeschooling won't resolve anything. It will just delay it to adulthood.

There are different ways of confronting or dealing with bullies. Running away is probably the worst imo.


----------



## angelpixie

That's a great idea, C4M. Thanks!


----------



## Lifescript

Most kids experience bullying in some way. I hate it but it's part of the school environment. Hopefully one day bullying doesn't exist. I think instead of wanting his son to be homeschooled Chinless should have a talk with him about it and let him figure out. You don't run or hide from problems. You face them head on. With the assistance of the school this can be fixed.


----------



## TBT

angelpixie said:


> Got the call that my bed is ready to be picked up from the powder coaters. I'm curious how it turned out...


So,how did it turn out?


----------



## angelpixie

Ahh, I never updated that, did I? It didn't turn out exactly as I expected, but I like it. It's like a very light milk chocolate-y color, and the metallic flecks are incredibly subtle. Very much like a chocolate patina'd brass, which is one of my favorite things for making jewelry.

DS helped me put it all together today, and when I get my curtain rods up (hopefully early tomorrow) I will post a pic of my new room. I'm really loving it.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, my elderly neighbor, who I was warned is quite cantankerous, has once again proved himself to be a sweetie. So far, he's given me a 9000' long outdoor extension cord and given DS an old (very cool, I might add) remote controlled construction crane that was his late son's, and now, he's given me his lawn mower. Insisted I take it. I have a reel mower that I like, as it's good exercise and doesn't use any fuel (except me running on coffee, lol). But he said he sees me working hard, and wants DS to be able to help me, too.  

His wife passed away from cancer, close to the time his son also passed away, from the same type of cancer. I'm not sure how long ago this was; I will ask when I feel it's right, but he still gets choked up when he talks about her. It's obvious how much he still loves her. Spending so much time here on TAM, surrounded by betrayed spouses and stories of pain from walkaway spouses, it's heartening to see that, every once in a while, a couple can find a love that lasts to the end. I had to take a break from my yardwork because it just hit me kinda hard.

And now, because I guess I'm still a bit of a masochist:

Kathy Mattea - Where've You Been? - YouTube

I'm grateful there is still that love out there. The world would be a much worse place if there wasn't.


----------



## angelpixie

Sorry, but I didn't get everything in my room done to take a photo, but things are moving along. Dad gets here on Friday, so I'm trying to get things in order as much as I can. He's here a little over a week, so renovating my garage will be priority #1. Beyond that, rewiring several vintage light fixtures and replacing the ones I have now, some electrical work and figuring out why my upstairs toilet keeps partially flushing itself, lol. I've taken to using a bent BBQ skewer in the float arm most of the time, but that's rather inconvenient. I might just replace it, as it's not a low-flow one anyway. And, if time permits, sanding, repainting and rehanging my kitchen cabinet doors. It will be the longest time we've spent together (and the first time we've 'lived' together), since I was in my sr. year of high school and he was starting his MLC. It will be interesting. A couple weeks ago, I had a big conversation with my brother. The first time we really got into talking about our mom. The really heavy stuff. Her mental issues, how she treated the two of us so differently. Because he's 6 years younger, I knew he was unaware of most of it, and it's true. The first time we really talked about my suicide attempt. Unfortunately, he's still not ready to really deal with how serious things were, and wants to rug-sweep. I understand. But I'm glad I told him. It might help him to understand why I feel so differently from him about her. I don't know if I'll be getting into all of this with my dad. I'll just see how things go. 

We didn't end up talking about homeschooling last week, as Ex forgot and I didn't remind him.  But he remembered later, and wants to in a couple of days. DS has an orientation field trip to the middle school on Wednesday, and I hope, hope, hope it goes well. The more I read and talk to people, the more I don't see this as being a good fit for him, and some actions of the Glitter Twins in the last week show me, again, that they're not equipped to do this. And I simply cannot fit it into what I'm already doing. 

Some good things have happened lately as well. Got all but a little over $100 back from my rental deposit. Yay! I shouldn't have lost anything, but I will cut my losses. I've been hanging out with some of the ladies from my Y group in more social situations, and it's been lots of fun. As posted elsewhere, I got waaaaay beyond my comfort zone and even did karaoke two weekends ago (I Touch Myself by The Divinyls, in case you were curious). A SUPER huge milestone for me, as singing on my own is something I've NEVER been able to do. I was urged to try out for the smaller choir groups in high school but never could because it required a solo. It got to be a bit of a joke between Ex and I, because I couldn't even sing the stupidest commercial jingle in front of him. So, karaoke was big. Singing _and_ dancing, in front of other people, within the course of a few months, I just kind of shake my head at that.

Took another foray into dating, which I'd rather not talk about except to say...it would make a great episode for the sitcom we talked about at one point.  After that, I think the only hats I'll be interested in trying on for a while will be cloches, berets, etc.  

Life is pretty good. I'm busy. I love my house. If the rain would stop for a while, I can get things planted in my garden. Right now, I can barely keep up with the lawn, lol. More perennials are popping up in the flower beds, so that continues to be a lovely surprise. Today, I noticed that I have a columbine that is starting to bloom. Tiny apples are beginning to grow on one apple tree. DS told me that he really feels like this is home. He never really felt that way about our rental because he knew it was temprorary. But this, he said, feels like HOME. 

After my dad goes, my goal will be to get my inventory organized and get my shop at least partly back up by mid-July. Contra overnights start in late June, my brother's coming out to visit (and bringing me his car) in the first part of August. I will be making a real effort to get out and do things with friends. Things are settling into a decent routine. Sure there are things I miss, but not desperately. I have an awesome son, good friends, a job I enjoy, an adorable house, DS and I are healthy, I have family that cares about me, and I'm emotionally stronger than I've ever been. I'm a lucky woman, all in all.


----------



## Dollystanford

And (because it's all about me) you have me!!


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## angelpixie

And that's what makes me the luckiest of all!


----------



## angelpixie

Well, poo -- I had a great update all typed and accidentally hit some key combination that made me lose my browser window. 

Only have few minutes now, but things are going great with Dad's visit. We've had to rearrange my to-do list, as I didn't realize my 10% off Lowe's Movers coupon takes a couple days to get to my email.  So, instead we're doing the re-wiring of the vintage ceiling lights I bought and will put them up. The toilet is already fixed.  

Yesterday morning, we decided spur-of-the-moment to hit an estate sale. Dad loves them, too. It's the first one I've been to in about a year, and it was a good one. Ex and I used to go to them together quite often. I'd forgotten how fun it is to go to one with someone and share your treasures or 'WTF-is-this?' moments. I got a few nice pieces for my shop, including an incredible black bias-cut gown with sheer sleeves and gold accents, with original belt, for *$20!!* And I got a really cool floor lamp for my entry-way, unlike anything my dad or I had seen. It needs one switch replaced, and he and DS are at Ace Hardware right now picking up a replacement. 

It's been fun talking so far. When I gave him the grand tour of the place Friday night, he gave me a big hug and a pat on the back and said "Nice job, [nickname-that-only-he-gets-away-with]. It looks great already, and when it's all done, you can be rightfully very proud of it and yourself."  That felt really nice. 

I also showed him my idea for retro-izing my TV/PC set-up, and he's on-board. We might have a chance to work on it before he goes. This is my new inspiration:










We've talked about making some kind of bezel to go around my screen, and housing the PC itself below it. Still working on it. I can see where I get this from, lol.

I can't believe he'll be 71 in 3 weeks. He goes to the gym at least once a week, up to 4 times a week. Aside from not being up on a lot of technology stuff, he's really sharp on everything. 

Well, gotta go. Take care, everyone! 

AP


----------



## Pbartender

Let me just say...



angelpixie said:


> I also showed him my idea for retro-izing my TV/PC set-up, and he's on-board. We might have a chance to work on it before he goes. This is my new inspiration:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> We've talked about making some kind of bezel to go around my screen, and housing the PC itself below it. Still working on it. I can see where I get this from, lol.


**SWOON!**

I love it. :smthumbup: Very retro-futuristic.


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## angelpixie

Here's a short decor update. My new LR ceiling light went up today. It was an odd situation. It was a semi-flush mounted light, with a pull-chain switch -- right in the middle of the living room. So, in order to turn it on and off, I had to stand on my very tiptoes to reach the chain, and in order for DS to reach it, I'd have to make the chain so long, it would smack everyone else in the face. It wasn't connected to any wall switch. I also didn't like the style of it. So, I found a vintage flush mount, and later a great saucer dish to suspend from a fixture. I hadn't thought they'd go together, though, so I was still undecided on what to put up there. When my dad got here, I explained the switch problem. He'd heard about something that screws into a light socket between the lamp and the bulb that transmits to a remote. He thought we might be able to use that. Well, we hunted around the places in town, and settled on a remote for a ceiling fan. Works like a charm, and was small enough that it fits on the back of the fixture, out of sight. I'm going to find a bracket to mount the remote to the wall, just like a light switch, so we don't lose it, lol. And it was only $20!

The saucer dish is a few inches larger in diameter than the fixture, but I decided I liked the look anyway. And wow, when we turned it on! The fixture has a wide scalloped border with a little hole in each scallop. In between are these wickedly sharp points that bend back (you can see a couple in the 2nd photo). When the lights go on, the reflection back from the oversized saucer goes through the little holes and gives a fantastic effect on the ceiling. LOVE IT!!!



Just the shade, perfect for my Atomic Living Room:


----------



## Northern Monkey

I love clever little tricks like that!

Looking good AP.


----------



## angelpixie

So, as I think I mentioned previously, this is the first time a member of my family has been here since our split. So, nobody has personally seen ex since then, either. So far, since my dad's been here, I hadn't thought they'd been in contact. I kind of figured Ex would just stay out of sight as much as possible. Since my dad also walked out, and Ex used to feel morally superior to him, I'm not sure what kind of fireworks would happen if my dad actually said anything to him about what happened. Obviously, Ex has no reason to feel that superiority anymore.

Well, last night, as DS and I are getting things ready for school, we realized his backpack was at Ex's. It was late, but I was going to drive out to get it, since I should have (and thought I had) gotten it on Friday. DS called, and Ex surprisingly said he'd bring it to my place. So, they showed up. I saw that, of course, they _both_ got out of the car, one carrying DS' backpack and the other carrying his jacket (which we didn't need, as he has 2 -- see Soca's thread, lol). I was just shaking my head at the sight of _both of them_, again, coming to my place, for the 30 second exchange. We met them at the door, and they were obnoxiously friendly. DS asked if they wanted to see his grandpa. I was like , but then I remembered he happened to be in the bathroom, lol. Perfect timing. I thought they'd get uncomfortable, but instead they looked disappointed!!! So he brought her up with the idea that they probably _would_ be seeing my dad. UFB. So they said they would just see him at a different time. 

I mentioned it to my dad later, and he told me that actually, earlier in the afternoon, when Ex dropped DS off at the store where we were meeting, he did see Ex. He walked DS to the door, looked right at my dad with an 'indifferent' look on his face, then just turned and left. My dad said he thought 'Message received,' 

So, for him to behave one way to my dad when he was alone, then to bring her cheerfully to my door to _see_ my dad...jeepers, they are a couple of really f'd up folks. I know they just want to show me even more disrespect, and that's obviously important to them, or else why would they care to do this? It's not like they will be interacting with my dad very much at all after this, I imagine, especially her.

Even though I'm not the one who walked out and cheated, and I did have a fairly decent relationship with Ex's parents, I can't imagine making a point of bringing a guy I'm living with specifically to see my ex-MIL. It seems weird. In our situation, with the walking out and cheating, it's beyond weird.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

VERY weird, AP. I don't see any reason to go out of their way. I guess it's one thing if your son had an event for family to attend then perhaps a per functionary introduction would be made. Other than that, I don't see any reason for introductions.

It's my guess that they don't like being 'bad guys' and hope somehow that a pleasant exchange will make your dad be all warm and fuzzy - I can't think of any other reason they are interested.


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## angelpixie

I'm sure that's part of it, EW. Ex doesn't think he should be considered a 'bad guy' for any reason, by anyone. And since she's his 'life partner,' why should she have to hide, or why should my dad not understand? 

This coming from someone who forbade his mother from seeing me last summer when she visited. And we were still fairly close at the time, and did want to see each other. He very pointedly lied to me that she told him she didn't want to see me. Her emails to me said otherwise. It was all about pushing me out and pushing posGF in. I'd completely forgotten about that. Why wouldn't he think I'd want to do the same with my dad and him? This is just dawning on me as I'm responding to you, lol. He thinks _he_ has the right to control access to _his_ family, even though we will still be involved due to DS, and were still in contact quite often at the time. He hasn't seen my father since my mom's funeral in 2010, had no contact from a few months later until now due to the split, weren't close to begin with, and yet _assumes_ that it's OK with me to see my dad when he visits. He knows there's no reason for me to keep them apart, nothing _I_ need to hide, maybe?

Wow. SMH here.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Funny, my ex did the same thing as far as keeping his mom away. She knew from her son that I accused him of abuse. She wrote me a letter and included a check to me, saying she didn't raise him like that.

Obviously she had seen his temper and had a good feeling I wasn't making it up. But he refused to let me come anywhere near his mother's house, even to pick up kiddo when they were there saying it upset her, she wasn't my family anymore and I was not to "take advantage of his mother's good nature". WTF? SMH, too.


----------



## Ikaika

Angel,

How is DS's fencing coming along? I hope he is still involved.


----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Angel,
> 
> How is DS's fencing coming along? I hope he is still involved.


Yes, he's still going to fencing. I think the lessons they traded for Ex's photo work go through the summer. He's getting more enthusiastic about it, and has made a few friends there, too. Not at all ready for competition, lol, but we just want him to do something active and fun, and help with physical coordination, etc. So, it's going well! Thanks for asking.


----------



## angelpixie

Time for a little update. I'm one tired little pixie, as every day is really busy. Been working 1/2 days at the library, then helping my dad, plus seeing DS after school, plus doing extra cooking and laundry, plus my usual group at the Y and STFC. The only reason I'm still up now is that I have laundry in the dryer I'm waiting to finish. Big Haps for this girl on a Friday night, lol.

We got all the materials for the garage picked up, and one long wall is completely done and the other has all the insulation and half the panels put in. We'll easily finish that one early tomorrow. We've adjusted some of our priorities to doing things that either require more than one person to do, or is something that I haven't done before and need Dad's expertise. So, that means we probably won't do the floor of the garage, and instead will turn my two non-opening windows into windows that open. Since we'll be making the large garage door basically inoperable (as long as I'm using it for my shop), the single 'person' door won't provide nearly enough ventilation. My dad's done this before, and he says it won't be that hard. There are really heavy built-in shelves and a workbench/counter on the same wall as the 'person' door, so I'll be doing the insulation and panel installation myself for that, too. 

The compressor and nail-gun were one of the smartest purchases I made. Saved us both so much time and work! I'm also noticing that I've made some basic changes in how I'm purchasing things. It used to be that I'd always pick the least expensive item, even if it required more work from me, because I didn't place any value on my time. If I knew how to do something, I figured I _should_ do that thing. Slowly, over the last few months especially, this has changed. For example, when we were trying to decide what to put on the walls, I originally was going to get the least expensive thin board of some kind, even if it was mix and match pieces of plywood, paneling, etc., from the reuse center. Then I'd just paint it all bright white and call it good. Well, the reuse center didn't have enough of anything like that for us to use, so we had to look at the big box stores. HD had 3/8" panels that were already coated with white on one side. They had the same thing, uncoated, so basically, darker brown. The difference in price per sheet was almost $3. We needed to get 16 sheets, so that adds up. But I looked at the cost of not only getting paint, but the time for me to put multiple coats on those brown boards, and it took about a minute to say "Let's get the white ones." For so much of my life, scrimping and pinching pennies was a major necessity, going back to my childhood. It feels really extravagant, in a way. But I don't think it signals a lack of financial responsibility, but an awareness that my time and energy do have their own value, and I've been undervaluing them for way too long. By doing so many repair projects around the house and yard, freezing and canning foods, extreme couponing, thrifting, trying to make extra money, etc., I trained my husband to _not_ value any of it. And I actually thought he'd think I _was valuable_ if for no other reason than because we didn't have to spend money to hire people to fix things I fixed or installed, etc. It didn't work that way at all, ironically. The more I did, the less valuable I became. Luckily, many times they were things I got some enjoyment from anyway. 

Which leads me to another realization about myself. My insatiable quest to learn new things and gain new skills is not just about learning and discovery, it's hiding my deep-seated mistrust of other people and fear of their rejection of me. The less I have to depend on others and ask their help when I'm in need, the less chance of being let down and hurt. It's something that's grown, below my radar, since childhood, and has been reinforced repeatedly since then. I like being able to do something myself, I get a real sense of satisfaction. I do genuinely love learning how things work and how to make things happen. But I think there's also a subconscious sigh of relief when I'm able to do something with little or no help. It's not arrogance that drives this behavior, it's often fear. These little 'aha' moments strike at the oddest times, but they are certainly helping me to make more sense of my life and myself. 


*****************

DS had his promotion ceremony this morning. , sending him off from elementary school to middle school. Dad and I went, and so did Ex and posGF. We did not all sit together, lol. I don't know if DS didn't see them (they were there before us), but he only waved at us and smiled when he saw us taking pictures. Odd. Afterward, I had to drive Dad back to my place and then work for 2 hours, so we just went to give DS a hug and say hello. Of course, so did the Glitter Twins. So there was the big introduction of Dad to posGF. Ex and Dad shook hands, Ex looking surprisingly humble and posGF very quiet. Dad poking a little fun at the humongous lens he was using this morning. (Can you say 'compensation'? :rofl Then we all left. I waited til I pulled in front of my house, then I had to ask what he thought. "Christ. She looks like a kid." Gee I think I've heard that before.  

DS will be with us tomorrow as our usual schedule, and also Sunday, in trade for an extra night they had him in late May. My dad's birthday is later this month, and of course Father's Day is next weekend, after he leaves. So, I'm making a combination dinner for the two events on Sunday, and on both weekend days, we're taking time from our projects to do some things DS wants to do with his grandpa -- like going to the flying museum at the airport, and visiting the old Fort in town. Like I said, priorities.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, my dad is back home now, and life will be back to its normal state of craziness. Well, actually a slightly different state of craziness, as DS is out of school and that means camp during his weeks with me and me working full days in the office instead of telecommuting part of the day.

The time with Dad went very well. We got a lot done, but not exactly the way we planned. As I mentioned earlier, we had to reverse the to-do list while I waited for my Lowe's coupon to arrive in my inbox. Once we got it, I rented a 10' U-haul and we bought all of the sheet goods and insulation batts at one time. That is a plan I will definitely use in the future. Very good use of $25.00+. We had to add an extra step of building in extra lengths of 1x4 lumber to match the horizontal bracing on the two long walls (or else cut the white panels to fit around them -- major hassle). Again, that nailgun saved our behinds, though that additional process cost us the laying of the floor. It's a job I can do myself, so I'm not worried. What I really wanted was to find a way to have windows that opened. Each wall has a window, but it was a fixed-pane. I thought perhaps we could pick up a couple from the re-use center, but Dad said we could cut mine apart and add hinges and a closure. That was a big job, but we got it done in time. We had to hand chisel out the window from the frame, and hand chisel mortises for the hinges in both the window frames and the windows themselves. I have become acquainted with The Amazing Bondo, lol, and will be using more to finish some fill-in work, then priming and painting the frames all again and adding some window screens to the inside. I'll just have them attach to the inside of the frame with velcro. It makes such a difference in there to have the windows and door open, especially since we'll effectively be closing off the large garage door. I still have to take out the built-in shelves (just planks on nailed-in supports, really) from the door wall, but that will be a good spot for the large antique library work counter that I refinished years ago. This extra work might put the shop opening back to end of July, but it can't be helped. I'll just keep rolling the best I can.

Dad and I worked together very well, and it was just like when we built our pole barn when I was a teenager. That was basically just the two of us, too. At one point a couple of days ago, he spontaneously said that I was really great to work with, that I had a lot of knowledge and did good work. That meant the world to me, as I respect _his_ knowledge and quality of work.  

We also relaxed in the evenings, enjoying the mostly gorgeous weather in my backyard. We sampled some brews from one of our local breweries, and I introduced him to Dolly's 'Dark and Stormy' -- he gave it a :smthumbup:, btw. 

The big unfortunate turn came on Saturday when DS came for the weekend. He'd had a bit of an upset stomach Friday evening, and was feeling worse when I picked him up Saturday morning. We'd planned an outing each weekend day, but because he was sick, could only do a short one on Sunday, to the small museum at the airport. We also didn't make it to a couple of 'special' food places we'd saved til then. But Dad tried to make it up to him the best he could, letting DS teach him how to play Flight Simulator on the computer, for one thing. I was still able to make his special birthday/Father's Day dinner and cake on Sunday, too. 

Because he was so sad to miss out on spending time with his grandpa, Ex offered to let DS eat supper with us Monday night after his first day at camp. Score one for Ex. I drove Dad to the airport at 4:30 a.m. today, and it was back to the grind.

Dad and I also spent a lot of time talking through and sketching my PC/TV setup, and I'm looking forward to getting started on that, too.


----------



## Pbartender

Goddamn it, AP, now I miss my Dad.


----------



## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Goddamn it, AP, now I miss my Dad.


 Sorry, Pb.


----------



## Ikaika

That is Ok, I miss Angel's Dad. Or, Enjoli's Dad.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> Sorry, Pb.


Hey... it's all right... it's a good sort of missing... I've lots of good memories of him, and sometimes it'd be nice to still have him around. He was one of the big pillars of my support network, and in time I really felt the loss after he died.

Your story about your Dad's visit just reminded me a lot of mine. It's the sort of stuff he would have done, as well.


----------



## angelpixie

My dad and I were much closer than my mom and I, but he was still very, very strict and certainly a major part of our dysfunctional household. He had a MLC starting in my senior year of high school, and left my mom, brother and me right around graduation. The financial mess that made, along with my mom's personality/mental health issues made it impossible for me to stay in college. Because we fought against the divorce (were pretty religious then), he basically stayed out of our lives (including not paying full child support for my brother) for the next several years, til my brother graduated from high school. We only just started reestablishing relationships with him in the last decade or so. 

He has stepped up more since our mom passed away in 2010, and has been very supportive while I've gone through my own divorce from a walkaway husband. We still have never really talked about the way that living with my mom's issues and the devastation of their divorce affected my brother and I. He and I have tried to just deal with that on our own. Since I opened up a lot to my brother earlier in May, I wasn't sure if I'd end up doing the same with Dad. It didn't happen, but I think it was more important for us to just have 'normal' interaction for now. It was nice to have some of that camaraderie and ease again. I think that was one of the things that was hardest on me when he left. Very similar to breaking up with Chinless -- I was devastated by the loss, but it didn't seem hard for them to detach, which made it sting that much more. OTOH, while talking to him a lot during the break-up, I found out that on his own, he went to group counseling for abusers for years. That impressed me a lot. He saw he had issues from his own childhood that were creeping into his adult relationships and he took it upon himself (albeit too late for our family) to work on himself.

I feel lucky for the chance to spend time, but I feel myself keeping a certain emotional distance this time.


----------



## angelpixie

Just got back from my first contra overnight of the summer. First time I went by myself, as DS is with Chinless for his usual Saturday, then extra for the Mother's Day/Father's Day switch. Soooo nice to have two days to myself, after the hectic activity of the last two+ weeks, though I have to admit, I feel kind of guilty. I didn't even tell DS I was going to contra because I knew he'd be upset. There wouldn't have been any kids, though, so I think he'll enjoy it more next 2 months when there will be kids there.

It was funny, because everyone up there noticed I was solo, and it was also funny to notice how the ladies (most of them older than me) expressed it vs. the guys (most of them older, also, lol). It was a huge crowd with everyone in high spirits. A few of the long-time dancers were wanting to teach me more complicated steps and twirls and were very complimentary, so I feel like I'm kind of coming into my own as a dancer. Hearing someone say "Angel, you've _got_ to save a dance for me tonight!" still amazes me.  

It's also getting a _little_ easier for me to come out of my shell just sitting around and talking. Not having DS there during breakfast this morning helped me to realize how having him there is both a conversation starter and sometimes gives me someone to hide behind. I'm getting better at just trying to start a conversation and allowing myself to be less formal, more myself. Yesterday, I found out that sometimes, members of the group get together and do raft trips at a local gorge, and they said I'm on the list to come along if they go this year. :smthumbup: I went on a whitewater trip in Oregon several years ago and it was a blast. I also found out that the big Labor Day festival (that we helped clean up the campground for over Mother's Day) has a theme set in the past, and people want info on my shop as soon as I get it back up so they can shop for vintage clothes to wear to the festival. :smthumbup: :smthumbup: 

Being there alone also allowed me to join the owners of the farm and a few other people on a two-mile hike up to a gorgeous mountain meadow. Unfortunately, I brought my little point-and-shoot instead of the DSLR, so I'm not sure all the photos I took of the myriad spectacular wildflowers will turn out.  I counted no less than 7 different species of butterflies as well. I also didn't bring an extra pair of shoes, so I did the whole hike in my dance flats, lol. Earning my stripes as a hearty Montanan?  And...we saw lots of bear scat --- some quite fresh and quite close to where we'd pitched our tents.  

Oh well, time to hang up the dance dress and shoes for another month, throw on my work clothes and get back to being DIY Pixie. I have potential customers I need to prepare for! Thankfully, it's a gorgeous sunny day.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, unfortunately, as I feared, my photos were hit and miss with the camera I had. For years, that was the only one I had for taking pics of the jewelry I was selling on etsy, and I could get nice detail photos just fine. But I've lost my touch on that one, and rarely get things to turn out right anymore.  But I did get a few nice ones.

Wild Roses were in bloom _everywhere_ on our walk, and this was one sweet little bush in full bloom. Most of the bushes were huge.



I don't know what these are called, but they were sweet little flowers about 1/2" across. Notable to me, also, because there was a little butterfly flitting around that looked just like one of these flowers -- same size, too.



Two shots of one patch of wild columbine we found. The fingers belong to the husband in the couple who own the farm.



Thimbleberry blossoms. This was a very large bush along the canal by which we were walking. The only one we saw. They are apparently very tasty berries.


Sticky geraniums:


Paintbrush, which was just starting to bloom:


And a real treat to me, since I live in a dry area, a dragonfly near the water.


And this was my biggest camera disappointment. It's a little tiny orchid that grows wild near the building where we actually did our dancing. The little flowers were only as big as a pencil eraser. But I couldn't get them into focus to save my life.


----------



## angelpixie

Did a little better with the flowers in front of my house. What a glorious treat to see all these things come into bloom. Nearly each day there's some new surprise. 



These roses are actually a dark wine color, but my camera didn't quite pick it up.

A little white columbine almost hidden in all the red flowers.


A blaze of red and pink in the evening sun.





Even the scrubby bush in my front yard is flowering after I gave it a little TLC a few weeks ago:


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## catcalls

hi angel 

great pictures of the wild flowers. love the columbines. never seen them before. is it a native american flower.

thought the pictures were pretty good for a non dslr camera.


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> And this was my biggest camera disappointment. It's a little tiny orchid that grows wild near the building where we actually did our dancing. The little flowers were only as big as a pencil eraser. But I couldn't get them into focus to save my life.


Was it an auto-focus camera?


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## angelpixie

Pb -- It has auto-focus, manual focus, and other settings (macro, portrait, etc.). I tried them all. It seemed like the landscapes worked out, and some of the flowers, but others were not working at all. I'm really puzzled about the ones where the flower in the middle is fuzzy, and the surrounding foliage is crystal clear. Those frustrated me the most. The point & shoot is a Canon PowerShot A620. So, several years old, but has taken some great photos lately. Just not close-ups. 

The ones I took of my front yard were with my DSLR (Canon Xsi).


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## angelpixie

@ Catcalls -- Thanks for the comments on the photos! From what I could see online, Columbine grows throughout the Northern Hemisphere, in high meadows and woodlands. So, you might be able to find some in some areas of the U.K., I don't know. There are tons of different varieties in many different color combinations. The blue and white version is very common, too.


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## EnjoliWoman

Isn't that fun with a new house? You don't know what the previous owner planted - your well-trimmed bush is lovely!


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## angelpixie

EnjoliWoman said:


> Isn't that fun with a new house? You don't know what the previous owner planted - *your well-trimmed bush is lovely*!


:rofl:


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## vi_bride04

Gorgeous, Angel. Your house fits you so well. I'm so happy for you 

Can't wait to see what pops up late summer!


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> It seemed like the landscapes worked out, and some of the flowers, but others were not working at all. I'm really puzzled about the ones where the flower in the middle is fuzzy, and the surrounding foliage is crystal clear.


Got it... I've seen the same thing happen with close portraits of people off to the side of the photo and some interesting scenery in the back.

Here's what's probably happening...

First, making sure you're in the Macro setting for close-ups helps a lot. But, more importantly...

It's probably just your auto-focus doing what it's _supposed_ to do, but not what you _want_ it to do. The auto-focus is focus is likely focusing on the background, because the flower you're trying to take a picture of is either too thin for the auto focus to notice, or not in the right spot for it to focus on. So, here's what you do...

Usually, with most auto-focus cameras, if you push the button only halfway down, it starts focusing without actually taking a picture yet. So, point the camera at something big enough to focus on, that's about the same distance away (in the case of the flower, you could put your hand just behind the flower and focus on that). Press the button halfway down to focus... Hold it, carefully... Compose your picture, then press the button all the way to take the picture.

It's tricky holding the button halfway down like that, and it takes a little practice to get the hang of... But it works wonders.


----------



## muskrat

Sounds like you had a great weekend AP. Congrats, I know it is awkward learning to come out of your shell. It really does help to have all the good people here at TAM to push you.
If I ever get to Montana save a dance for me, ok?


----------



## catcalls

angelpixie said:


> @ Catcalls -- Thanks for the comments on the photos! From what I could see online, Columbine grows throughout the Northern Hemisphere, in high meadows and woodlands. So, you might be able to find some in some areas of the U.K., I don't know. There are tons of different varieties in many different color combinations. The blue and white version is very common, too.


it seems that it is quite common in the uk too and is called aqualegia. I have seen some varieties but did not make the connection.

love flowers like this with a complex petal structure.the dicentra is another such flower with a lovely shape.

how big is your garden? I am still working on making something decent in my garden after 7 years of being here.


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## Pbartender

catcalls said:


> it seems that it is quite common in the uk too and is called aqualegia. I have seen some varieties but did not make the connection.


When I was a kid growing up in Minnesota, we'd find wild Canadian columbine all over the woods... If you chew on the little bulbs at the "tips" of the petals, you'll taste a bit of sweet nectar.


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## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> When I was a kid growing up in Minnesota, we'd find wild Canadian columbine all over the woods... If you chew on the little bulbs at the "tips" of the petals, you'll taste a bit of sweet nectar.



We did that, too!


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> We did that, too!


For the longest time, we thought they were "honeysuckle" flowers because of it.


----------



## angelpixie

catcalls said:


> it seems that it is quite common in the uk too and is called aqualegia. I have seen some varieties but did not make the connection.
> 
> love flowers like this with a complex petal structure.the dicentra is another such flower with a lovely shape.
> 
> how big is your garden? I am still working on making something decent in my garden after 7 years of being here.


The spots I photographed run along the entire front of my house, on either side of the front door. I have raised garden beds in the back yard, but I'm leaving those for vegetables and fruits. Still trying to get mine going, too, but I've only been here a month and a half. Gee, I was feeling guilty, but I guess I can give myself a break, lol.


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## angelpixie

muskrat said:


> Sounds like you had a great weekend AP. Congrats, I know it is awkward learning to come out of your shell. It really does help to have all the good people here at TAM to push you.
> If I ever get to Montana save a dance for me, ok?


That's a promise, sweetie! :smthumbup:


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## hope4family

What dances do you do AP?


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## angelpixie

I go to contra dances, h4f. We have them twice a month in town during the school year, then during the 3 summer months, we have them once a month at a farm about 1/2 hours's drive up into the mountains. Potluck dinner before, then dancing from about 7-midnight. About 1/3 of the people camp out, then have a giant breakfast in the morning. 

Always a live band, and a great camaraderie. 

Contra Dance at the Concord Scout House - 1/2/09 (Part 2 of 2) - YouTube

Above is a pretty good example, but our music tends to be more of a Celtic flavor. Each dance is different, and they can go up to 15 minutes long. There's usually a caller, like square dancing, but it's so much more fun than square danciing, IMO. I like the extra swing elements and the way you end up dancing pretty much with everyone by the time the song ends.

I also belong to another all-women's dance group that performs sometimes at specific events that have to do with issues of domestic or sexual violence, and I take and teach strip tease fitness classes. 

Dance has been a big part of my recovery from my relationship!


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## hope4family

angelpixie said:


> I go to contra dances, h4f. We have them twice a month in town during the school year, then during the 3 summer months, we have them once a month at a farm about 1/2 hours's drive up into the mountains. Potluck dinner before, then dancing from about 7-midnight. About 1/3 of the people camp out, then have a giant breakfast in the morning.
> 
> Always a live band, and a great camaraderie.
> 
> Contra Dance at the Concord Scout House - 1/2/09 (Part 2 of 2) - YouTube
> 
> Above is a pretty good example, but our music tends to be more of a Celtic flavor. Each dance is different, and they can go up to 15 minutes long. There's usually a caller, like square dancing, but it's so much more fun than square danciing, IMO. I like the extra swing elements and the way you end up dancing pretty much with everyone by the time the song ends.
> 
> I also belong to another all-women's dance group that performs sometimes at specific events that have to do with issues of domestic or sexual violence, and I take and teach strip tease fitness classes.
> 
> Dance has been a big part of my recovery from my relationship!


That looks awesome! Gets my blood going in a good way. 

I east coast swing dance. Not to mention I have picked up blues dancing. I was slightly nervous at first as I met my ex-wife through swing. But, its been all fun since.


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## Lifescript

That sounds like a lot of fun angel


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## angelpixie

Continuing the theme of dance, it seems that one of my dance connections may be winding down. As I mentioned in my reply to h4f, I've been taking and teaching STFC. During the month of June, I've taught twice, and it would have been all 3 classes were my dad not in town the first week (no time to prep). I also taught in May. Our teacher has been very unreliable for the last several weeks, and not only counted on me and the other long-time student to come to class each week, but counted on either myself or later, the other student, to sub for her, sometimes with only a few hours notice. Both the other student and myself take our teaching really seriously, knowing we're under extra scrutiny from the studio that hosts our class because we're not 'dance' people. So, having enough time to prepare is a must. The night before my dad came to town, they had to cancel the class because neither of us were going to go to class due to other life commitments, and therefore couldn't sub. Other students showed up, and the head of the studio made our teacher pay for them to come back the following week. That was the other student's first time teaching, and I was asked to go for moral support. As I may have mentioned before, there was a change in the pay structure -- it's not just a straight $25 anymore. If 0-3 students show, we get $10. For 4 or more, we get $25. The head of the studio told me they realize the same amount of background prep goes into each class no matter who shows up, but they need to do that to break even (I personally think that's a really wide gap in pay). Well, the last few times, I've taught, there were 3 people. They had a great time, came back the next week and brought someone else, when I wasn't teaching, and that teacher made $25, while I made $10. I'm getting a little tired of doing the work to get people back in after my teacher flakes or after my fellow student was a bit unprepared during her first class. The last 2 times I taught, my fellow student had things going on in her life, so she didn't make it (i.e., no 'built-in' attendee, like I was for her, and for my teacher). I had 3 people last week, they all said they'd come back again, but one knew she'd be out of town this week. The others did come back, and I had another new person -- so $10 for 3 people again. Last week, I did the chair dance/strip tease that I put together a couple months ago (for which I bought shirts and ties for the students), and when they heard the start of the Grinderman/UNKLE song I posted earlier come up on my mp3 player, they *all* knew the song (which surprised me), and got excited that we'd be using it in class. So, I knew that's what I'd teach this week. I had to redo part of the routine since we're in a much smaller space and don't have the ballet barre in the back, which I utilized before. 

I have been doing my annual battle with cottonwood, the last really bad outdoor allergy I have, and it's been bad this year. I now have bronchitis, in fact. I was hope, hope, hoping that nobody would show up last night and I could just go home. 7:30 came and went and I was starting to breathe a sigh of relief -- then one student, two, and three came in. Sigh. 

So, we went through all the warm-ups, steps and moves, then I put on the song and started showing them the steps. I thought I would just do it myself and they'd watch, but they were trying to do it as I was, which really surprised me. They were really into it.  So, after going through it once, we polished up a couple things. I pointed out how I was counting things out, coordinating the movements with the song, etc., so they could try it again. I even taught them the infamous backwards shoulder roll which finishes the song, which they all nailed right away. So, we figured that even in the new small space, we could still do the big finish if we got close enough to the front of the room during another part of the song. So, we had time to run through one more time (It's 6 minutes long). They were awesome!! and rightfully proud of themselves. Since we were overtime at that point, we hurriedly rolled up our yoga mats and got our stuff together. Without my asking anything, they all said they loved the class, and they were not only going to be back, but they'd be bringing friends. Yay!! But guess who's not teaching next week.  

Also -- and this was a big surprise -- I started the class apologizing when I had to run for tissue every few minutes (I decided to ditch the plan other TAM ladies and I came up with to stuff tissues in my bra and pull them out seductively as part of my routine :rofl -- but during the last 1/2 of class, I was breathing fine, and didn't have to take a tissue break once. The Healing Power of STFC!! :smthumbup:  

The biggest thing I realized was how much fun I had when I was actually doing it. When I'm prepared, and I have a good class, it really is fun and it feels good. I enjoy choreographing the songs, even though I'm limited to a set group of moves to make it easier for any first-timers we have any given week. It makes it more of a challenge to make something cohesive. In fact, I think I've done a little better job at that than the regular teacher. She hits it more from the fitness angle, and isn't a trained dancer, either. In fact, the first regular song she tried to teach us (Nickleback, if you can believe it) was way too fast and her steps were not on beat and it was really difficult to follow her. None of us ever did totally get it. Her chair dance is to Justin Bieber and only goes through part of the song. The other student sub and I have both taken time to put together playlists that have a better tempo and 'feel', and the students' reactions have been positive. Even though the Grinderman song was fast, I did everything on 2 beats so that the actual dance was still pretty slow. I really enjoy that challenge. 

What I don't like is the feeling that I'm being taken advantage of. Earlier this week, when I texted my teacher to see if I was teaching (to save her from asking me early the day of class ), she mentioned wanting to get together separately with just the other sub and me to do some extra teaching and some Latin dance (she lived in Argentina for a while). I'd like some extra training, so that's fine with me. But then, she mentioned that I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but she's probably moving out of town in mid-July.  She hasn't told the studio or my fellow sub yet. No mention of what this does to our class, but I doubt that the studio will continue it. They haven't been happy with her, and relegating us to the relative broom closet is a reflection of that, I think. Then, she brought up something she's mentioned to us before: she does workshops for women, and has wanted to bring the dance and workshop thing together. Well, she has a plan: bachelorette parties. :scratchhead: Since she's leaving town...yet she wants to give the other woman and I extra training...the only thing I can think of is that she wants us to work for her, doing these parties in our town, while she does them wherever she's moving to? Um, no.

If I was making $25 a pop like I did when I started, it would be fine to keep teaching, but mostly getting $10 due to her inconsistency is ticking me off. I enjoy doing it once in a while, but it's getting in the way of my own business, which I'm trying to get back off the ground. And obviously, if she's inconsistent now, who's to say she'll be better to work for directly. I'm not taking a chance on that.

So, sadly, I think the days of STFC are numbered. It truly does make me sad. That class really meant a lot to me, coming out of my relationship with Chinless. I was torn down to pretty much nothing as to the way I felt about myself as a woman. Being able to go there, and be in a safe place, allowed me to go beyond that spot I was in and even get past a lot of the bad messages I heard growing up. That's part of what she designed the class to do, and it helped my fellow sub in similar ways. I heard similar things from other women over the last year plus, and even one of my students last night -- one who said she'd definitely be back and wanted to bring friends so the class would continue and maybe they'd give us a bigger room.  But I have to be honest with myself and admit that if I was asked, much as I might like to, I can't take that on as a weekly commitment. I wouldn't want it to be just another responsibility, when it had turned from a challenge to a fun refuge. A place where I didn't have to be the working single mom for an hour, and I could just be a sassy, sexy girl. Sigh.


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## angelpixie

Aaaaaannndd --- today I got a long text from my teacher asking me to take over STFC, with my fellow student as my substitute. She's moving 3 hours away, into Idaho. Coincidentally, where she's been every Wednesday and Thursday night all month. Hmmm. I wonder how long she's known and planned on this.  

I haven't responded yet.


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## hope4family

Wow...too much drama. 

Dancing has been fun though.  I wouldn't want to be a teacher though. 

Do you still feel the same way even though you just got this text or are you thinking about it?


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## angelpixie

No, I know I can't do it. I really don't want the pressure of teaching, having to come up with new stuff for each week. I wanted to learn more things as a student, lol. So right now, it's sort of a mixture of sadness that yes, it's probably going to be over (I doubt that the other student will want to take it on full time, too, as she also has another full-time job already), and a bit of anger at my teacher. This was never presented to me as preparation to take over the class, and I know the studio didn't think that, either. Yet, I think my teacher will be upset when I turn her down. I hate conflict and having people mad at me, but I'm learning to get over it.


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> This was never presented to me as preparation to take over the class, and I know the studio didn't think that, either. Yet, I think my teacher will be upset when I turn her down. I hate conflict and having people mad at me, but I'm learning to get over it.


Just remember, if she _asked_ you if you wanted to do it, then she opened up the possibility that you would say no. If she cannot accept that likelihood, then that is not your problem.

Don't answer her #3 with your own.


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## EnjoliWoman

Have you and the other sub spoken about each taking alternate weeks? Is the other sub as reliable as you? That way you'd only teach twice a month - would that still be fun? It sounds as if the students prefer your stylization more than the other one so you'd be more likely to have 4+ to make the money worth while - all while having fun.

Unreliable people suck. Maybe you should set aside time to dance by yourself. I"m glad it served its purpose back when you started. I'd feel so stupid and unsexy doing it so I'm really excited that it made you feel sexy again. Plus your date said you were sexy! 

Then again, maybe it served its purpose. Maybe another dance awaits you.


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## angelpixie

You're right, Pb -- she shouldn't assume that I'd be able to take over. She knows about my business, and that I've been wanting to get it restarted. I think she forgot about that while she was absorbed in her own stuff. Plus, I think she's also forgotten that while we may be her best students, that doesn't mean we both feel totally comfortable teaching in front of a group of women. It takes a lot out of both of us emotionally, as we're both rather introverted, and this isn't just teaching someone how to, I don't know, play bingo or something, lol. The other student and I have spoken to each other before, not about taking the class over, but about how we both put a lot of work in to trying to do a good class and that we're not sure we're the best people for the job as more than a once-in-a-while thing. I'd be surprised if she'd want to do this on a recurring basis. In fact, back when I signed my contract, our teacher had told us I probably wouldn't be needed as much in the future, and the other student wasn't even talked about as another sub. Well, that totally reversed itself.

Enjoli, you are right, too. I've come to the place where I feel sad that I won't have this outlet anymore, but I realize it did serve its purpose in my life -- definitely. I do feel more confident and 'at home' in my own skin than I did when I started -- maybe more so than I _ever_ have. That's what the class was supposed to do -- it did that, and then I took it even further when I was pushed into this teaching position. It was fun to be creative with it, doing something I never even thought I'd have the opportunity to do in my life -- yes the choreography was simple, but it was really cool to see something that I put together one night in my basement (lol) being done by a group of women -- and have them think it was good and fun! That was a great experience, and I'm grateful I had that chance. 

Yes, I think the time has come to let this go, and be ready for something new to take its place.


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## angelpixie

My new glasses. The trendiest pair I've ever gotten. I absolutely love them.


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## TBT

Angel,your new glasses look great! Is that a devilish glint in your eye?! 

It's so nice to come here and get caught up with whats been going on.You just keep persevering!


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## angelpixie

Not devilish, TBT -- Pixie-ish!  :rofl:


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## Ikaika

You look great Angel... I know you are not looking but unless men in your area need stronger glasses, they should be wooing for you.


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> My new glasses. The trendiest pair I've ever gotten. I absolutely love them.


Oooh... Nice! Love the cat eye glasses.

You should peruse Shuron... That's where I'm getting my next pair from.


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## EnjoliWoman

She looks a little naughty and mischievous.


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## Pbartender

Is it just me, or does that expression make her look just a little bit like Joan Cusack?


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## EnjoliWoman

Pbartender said:


> Is it just me, or does that expression make her look just a little bit like Joan Cusack?


Nope, not just you - I said that in social.


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## angelpixie

Thinking how lucky I am to have the job I do. DS has his own allergy hell now, so was coughing and not breathing well last night. Needed extra rest and meds, so he didn't go to theatre camp today and I worked from home. (And why couldn't this have happened yesterday when it was still Ex's day? ) 

But yeah, I like the variety in my job. Today, I've covered the range from an ASTM Standard Specification for 'Pipe, Steel, Black and Hot-Dipped, Zinc-Coated, Welded and Seamless ' to D.W. Griffith's 'Intolerance,' 'The Princess Bride,' and 'Army of Darkness.' :smthumbup: Reposting this from my FB:










Oh, and one boring documentary about the world going to hell in a handbasket. Always have to have one or two of those. 

------------

In other, surprise, news: Other STFC sub texted to see if I'd be at class tomorrow so she could return the book I loaned to her before her first class. I asked if our teacher had contacted her, because I didn't know if there would be a class. There is -- she's subbing, and I later found out, is seriously considering taking it over. That surprises me. My teacher told me she'd offer her the chance, and asked if I'd still periodically sub. I still might do that. But I still think I'll take tomorrow night off. Have a quiet night home with DS and let us both get on our feet.


----------



## angelpixie

Ex and posGF stopped by to see DS this afternoon. (I was laying down, and DS spoke to Ex on the phone and told him he could come over and see him. I was a bit startled to suddenly hear them in my living room -- going to have to speak to DS about that. Hmmm.) 

Ex was certainly nosy, looking all over the room, but not at me. posGF looooooves my new specs.  Sigh.

I guess I need to try to delicately establish with DS that this is our house....and* my* house. That he really needs to make sure he talks to me before having his dad come over. Not sure he'll understand that, anymore than he understood when I asked him not to automatically share everything about my life with his dad. That didn't play out very well.


----------



## catcalls

angelpixie said:


> Ex and posGF stopped by to see DS this afternoon. (I was laying down, and DS spoke to Ex on the phone and told him he could come over and see him. I was a bit startled to suddenly hear them in my living room -- going to have to speak to DS about that. Hmmm.)
> 
> Ex was certainly nosy, looking all over the room, but not at me. posGF looooooves my new specs.  Sigh.
> 
> I guess I need to try to delicately establish with DS that this is our house....and* my* house. That he really needs to make sure he talks to me before having his dad come over. Not sure he'll understand that, anymore than he understood when I asked him not to automatically share everything about my life with his dad. That didn't play out very well.


I read bits and pieces from your thread and your Ex H really creeps me out. you should absolutely not let him in and tell him that anytime he wants to see his son and come to your house to do so, he needs to text you and give you advance warning. i would not put this on your son, you would not rush to his place if your son called you. you would call your ex and warn him you were coming. dont be delicate, you have come so far. just tell son, Ex and gf that dont come barging into my house unless there is a real emergency. even then knock


----------



## catcalls

angelpixie said:


> My new glasses. The trendiest pair I've ever gotten. I absolutely love them.


nice glasses. you remind me of my driving instructor. she had similar glasses and hairstyle and I passed my test the first time.


----------



## Dollystanford

angelpixie said:


> Ex and posGF stopped by to see DS this afternoon. (I was laying down, and DS spoke to Ex on the phone and told him he could come over and see him. I was a bit startled to suddenly hear them in my living room -- going to have to speak to DS about that. Hmmm.)
> 
> Ex was certainly nosy, looking all over the room, but not at me. posGF looooooves my new specs.  Sigh.
> 
> I guess I need to try to delicately establish with DS that this is our house....and* my* house. That he really needs to make sure he talks to me before having his dad come over. Not sure he'll understand that, anymore than he understood when I asked him not to automatically share everything about my life with his dad. That didn't play out very well.


Oh no, if she likes them does that mean they are HIPSTER specs

It's difficult with DS - he's still pretty young and doesn't understand the subtle nuances of adult relationships (i.e. wanting Chinless to keep his nose out of your f*cking business)


----------



## EnjoliWoman

You can always tell him he can't invite ANYONE over without checking with you first. My daughter can't invite her Dad (order states he can't be on my street and he can't ask anyone else to come down my street) but she also can't just invite a friend to come over without checking. It's only polite, after all. So next time he ASKS if his Dad can come over, you can diplomatically say that he can come pick you up for a short visit, the park or to get ice cream, perhaps? Which indicates you do not expect them to have a visit at YOUR place.

I let my ex come in one time because kiddo wanted to show him her newly decorated room. Not again.


----------



## jpr

Wow. The nerve of Chinless!!

Even if your son asked him to come over, he is an adult. He should know to respect your privacy. ...AND he tows his girlfriend along with him. 

Gosh.

This man has no boundaries.




grrrrrr.


----------



## Lifescript

Neither chinless or the gf have any self-respect. They are equally worthless and belong together.


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, posGF goes _everywhere_ he goes most of the time. It's a real rarity when he comes to see DS and is alone. (I think it only happens when she's doing something with her bff) I think she knows how magnetically attractive I am, and that sooner or later, Chinless won't be able to resist my siren call. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

And in a weird act of cosmic timing, I had to take DS to Ex's house and let him in this morning. DS left his script with Ex accidentally when Ex picked him up from camp on Tuesday...and didn't remember it til 11 p.m. last night. To his credit, Ex kept looking til after 11:30, but didn't find it in the car or the house. I told DS this morning when he got up and he said "NOoooo, it was in my _lunch bag_! and I have to have it!" (very dramatically -- I think he has this theatre thing down ) I told him to call his dad, knowing there wasn't a chance in hell he'd answer that early, and he didn't. DS left a voicemail. (Side note: I never leave my phone off at night when DS is with him, just in case there's an emergency and he needs to reach me. I wish he did the same ) 
So, since I still have house keys, I told DS _this one time_, I'd take him out there and just let him in. He'd have to do the looking. This was actually a great lead-in to the discussion of "mom's house" and "dad's house." 
As it happened, I opened the door and stepped back so DS could go in. I told him to just say a soft 'Hello?' in case they were awake, so he wouldn't freak them out. Guess what? Chinless was awake. Just didnt' choose to answer DS' voicemail. Arsehole. He was a bit surprised to see DS. I waited outside, trying not to notice all the time going by and counting how many minutes I'd have to make up at home later tonight. Finally, I went up to the door to see what was going on. Chinless had thrown DS' lunch bag away without seeing if anything was inside. So, they had had to dig through garbage from two days ago, and since the script was now quite disgusting, DS was writing his lines out by hand. You know how slowly a 10 year old writes? Thank goodness he has a very small part. Finally we were on our way. 

Annnnddd.....I pull into the parking spot at work and hear a horrible grinding noise coming from one of my wheels. I knew I needed brakes, but now I know it's something more. After coordinating possible pick-up/drop-off difficulties due to my car being in the shop (for which Chinless was surprisingly understanding), I have a call to my mechanic to see when he can fit me in. Ka-ching.


----------



## angelpixie

In a few days, it will be two years since I moved out of the marital home. For good. With all of the emotional meandering I journaled about on TAM in the last year and few months, and what I journaled about in notebooks before I discovered TAM, I can say with a little bit of self-respect that (with the exception of one wobble the morning I told him of my decision), once I made my realization that I was done fighting for a marriage with someone I couldn't trust with my safety, I never tried to get him back again or to move back 'home.' I tried to get him to understand me, to see what he was doing, what he did with his EA's, etc., and if he had seriously wanted to work on things, I know I would have, but I was done begging for MC and for forgiveness for things I'd never done or any of those other things. I knew it was all moving towards the end, and it was just a _hell_ of a process to get there. 

I started thinking about the changes in these last two years, and as it happened, had an IC appointment this morning, too, where we talked about it some more. I can recognize the obvious things: the legal divorce, the purchase of my house, becoming financially self-sufficient. Those just seem like check-marks on a 'to-do' list. I was left not feeling very satisfied with myself otherwise. The other changes are more incremental, and less obvious than a change in residence or marital status. It was good to talk to my IC today, since I've seen her through all of this. She was a bit stunned that I was feeling so down on myself, and started rattling off things that I hadn't even thought of as accomplishments or milestones or more checkmarks on the list. Such as reconnecting with my distant family, while at the same time revealing to them what I'd been hiding about my marriage for fear of their reaction; and going from the basketcase I was when I first walked into her office due to my husband dropping the bomb that he wanted to leave me with one of the express purposes being to be with other women to dealing, more or less on a daily basis, with him and his girlfriend (who had been an EA partner during the end of _our_ living together) now living together themselves in our marital home; having my relationship with my son improve through all of this and feeling like I've become a better mother; things that I've done to get out of my isolation and out of my comfort zone -- too many to mention, lol; and my physical changes -- better shape, more of my own personality and style, more self-confidence, more at home in my own skin than ever in my life. I can see where I'm very slowly taking steps to set boundaries in relationships, and feeling comfortable with it. I initiated going out on my date last weekend (to the shock of my IC, lol), I felt confident during the date. When he texted me very late that evening, I answered, but I wasn't happy that he did that on a worknight. When he texted me while I was very busy at work the next day, too, I realized it was up to me to set the boundary of what I would accept. After our one short meeting, it was not appropriate. I waited to answer him til after work, explaining that I was extremely busy all day. He has not contacted me back, though he'd originally said he wanted to go out again. I'm OK with that. I made the most recent contact. I left the door open. It's up to him now. I'm not chasing. I'm not desperate. That feels good. 

At my last appointment, my IC and I got into a discussion, and she mentioned that I might not have men approaching me because, for one thing, when I wear vintage (which I only do very seldom), I might seem too 'June Cleaver' and guys don't want to date June Cleaver. (She admitted she was just trying to hypothesize, lol), and that my curly hair might seem too old-fashioned and not 'fun.' I happened to mention the new glasses I was getting, and when I said they were somewhat cat-eye shaped, she cut me off and said 'See -- that's what I mean. They look old-fashioned' I started to panic, thinking I was looking foolish and sabotaging myself. But, I'm proud to say that even while we were talking about it, inside I was rejecting what she was saying. Not because she was necessarily wrong about what guys might be thinking, but because I wasn't dressing or doing my hair or picking out glasses to impress guys. It was my style. It makes me happy when I curl my hair. My glasses are not like any I've had before, because I can finally get beyond the financial necessity of picking frames that might be OK for the next 6-8 years or more. I can have a little fun with it. Contrary to what I've felt in the past, it felt _more wrong for me to change_ and do what she was suggesting than it did to keep doing what I wanted. And ironically, on my date, the guy said that a.) one of the things that he was first drawn to in my profile was a pic of me wearing something vintage, and b.) he loved that I curled my hair and didn't just do what everyone else did. That it suited me. And he thought it was very sexy. My IC said she was more than happy to be proven wrong, lol. 

I've called a couple of friends to arrange activities together on the 4th and the following Saturday. In a really big step for me, I said 'no' to X when he wanted me to take DS for an extra Saturday night so he and gf can shoot a wedding out of town. I'd made plans to go out with my Y friends for a GNO. It was another of those situations where I originally couldn't do it because I had DS, the host had to postpone it, and it ended up that I could go. I told x I'd watch DS until it was time for me to go (didn't tell him where), but the rest of the night was up to him to find someone to watch DS. I'm fighting the guilt on that. But I know I _need_ to do these things and go out once in a while. It will be only the 3rd time. Ever. X is very surprised at me. He's being extra friendly yesterday and today, and I think it's because he wants me to change my plans. I see through him: he's only nice when he has a reason to be.  

But I'm still very hard on myself. I feel like I haven't done enough. I feel like time is racing by. Friends have been surprised when I've told them it's been 2 years now. They mention how much I've accomplished in such a short time, and I feel like I've been a slug, because all I can see is what is left *un*done. One of my best friends, who is also very much like this, recognizes it as part of the 'good girl'/'performer' conditioning we had as children, that followed us through our lives, right into our marriages. It is very hard to un-do. She's 10 years older than I am, and is still fighting it. I think we sometimes tend to overlook those behind-the-scenes incremental changes because they don't advertise themselves like the big milestones do.

It may sound cliche, but it really is about stopping and smelling the roses sometimes. Literally. I have two beautiful rose bushes, one on either side of my front door. As I run past them on my way in or out of my front door, I think 'Wow, those sure are beautiful. I'm so lucky to have them.' But I have absolutely no idea if they even have a fragrance, because I've literally never stopped to smell them.


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> I think she knows how magnetically attractive I am, and that sooner or later, Chinless won't be able to resist my siren call. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


AP - this is why I love you!


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> In a few days, it will be two years since I moved out of the marital home. For good. With all of the emotional meandering I journaled about on TAM in the last year and few months, and what I journaled about in notebooks before I discovered TAM, I can say with a little bit of self-respect that (with the exception of one wobble the morning I told him of my decision), once I made my realization that I was done fighting for a marriage with someone I couldn't trust with my safety, I never tried to get him back again or to move back 'home.' I tried to get him to understand me, to see what he was doing, what he did with his EA's, etc., and if he had seriously wanted to work on things, I know I would have, but I was done begging for MC and for forgiveness for things I'd never done or any of those other things. I knew it was all moving towards the end, and it was just a _hell_ of a process to get there.
> 
> I started thinking about the changes in these last two years, and as it happened, had an IC appointment this morning, too, where we talked about it some more. I can recognize the obvious things: the legal divorce, the purchase of my house, becoming financially self-sufficient. Those just seem like check-marks on a 'to-do' list. I was left not feeling very satisfied with myself otherwise. The other changes are more incremental, and less obvious than a change in residence or marital status. It was good to talk to my IC today, since I've seen her through all of this. She was a bit stunned that I was feeling so down on myself, and started rattling off things that I hadn't even thought of as accomplishments or milestones or more checkmarks on the list. Such as reconnecting with my distant family, while at the same time revealing to them what I'd been hiding about my marriage for fear of their reaction; and going from the basketcase I was when I first walked into her office due to my husband dropping the bomb that he wanted to leave me with one of the express purposes being to be with other women to dealing, more or less on a daily basis, with him and his girlfriend (who had been an EA partner during the end of _our_ living together) now living together themselves in our marital home; having my relationship with my son improve through all of this and feeling like I've become a better mother; things that I've done to get out of my isolation and out of my comfort zone -- too many to mention, lol; and my physical changes -- better shape, more of my own personality and style, more self-confidence, more at home in my own skin than ever in my life. I can see where I'm very slowly taking steps to set boundaries in relationships, and feeling comfortable with it. I initiated going out on my date last weekend (to the shock of my IC, lol), I felt confident during the date. When he texted me very late that evening, I answered, but I wasn't happy that he did that on a worknight. When he texted me while I was very busy at work the next day, too, I realized it was up to me to set the boundary of what I would accept. After our one short meeting, it was not appropriate. I waited to answer him til after work, explaining that I was extremely busy all day. He has not contacted me back, though he'd originally said he wanted to go out again. I'm OK with that. I made the most recent contact. I left the door open. It's up to him now. I'm not chasing. I'm not desperate. That feels good.
> 
> At my last appointment, my IC and I got into a discussion, and she mentioned that I might not have men approaching me because, for one thing, when I wear vintage (which I only do very seldom), I might seem too 'June Cleaver' and guys don't want to date June Cleaver. (She admitted she was just trying to hypothesize, lol), and that my curly hair might seem too old-fashioned and not 'fun.' I happened to mention the new glasses I was getting, and when I said they were somewhat cat-eye shaped, she cut me off and said 'See -- that's what I mean. They look old-fashioned' I started to panic, thinking I was looking foolish and sabotaging myself. But, I'm proud to say that even while we were talking about it, inside I was rejecting what she was saying. Not because she was necessarily wrong about what guys might be thinking, but because I wasn't dressing or doing my hair or picking out glasses to impress guys. It was my style. It makes me happy when I curl my hair. My glasses are not like any I've had before, because I can finally get beyond the financial necessity of picking frames that might be OK for the next 6-8 years or more. I can have a little fun with it. Contrary to what I've felt in the past, it felt _more wrong for me to change_ and do what she was suggesting than it did to keep doing what I wanted. And ironically, on my date, the guy said that a.) one of the things that he was first drawn to in my profile was a pic of me wearing something vintage, and b.) he loved that I curled my hair and didn't just do what everyone else did. That it suited me. And he thought it was very sexy. My IC said she was more than happy to be proven wrong, lol.
> 
> I've called a couple of friends to arrange activities together on the 4th and the following Saturday. In a really big step for me, I said 'no' to X when he wanted me to take DS for an extra Saturday night so he and gf can shoot a wedding out of town. I'd made plans to go out with my Y friends for a GNO. It was another of those situations where I originally couldn't do it because I had DS, the host had to postpone it, and it ended up that I could go. I told x I'd watch DS until it was time for me to go (didn't tell him where), but the rest of the night was up to him to find someone to watch DS. I'm fighting the guilt on that. But I know I _need_ to do these things and go out once in a while. It will be only the 3rd time. Ever. X is very surprised at me. He's being extra friendly yesterday and today, and I think it's because he wants me to change my plans. I see through him: he's only nice when he has a reason to be.
> 
> But I'm still very hard on myself. I feel like I haven't done enough. I feel like time is racing by. Friends have been surprised when I've told them it's been 2 years now. They mention how much I've accomplished in such a short time, and I feel like I've been a slug, because all I can see is what is left *un*done. One of my best friends, who is also very much like this, recognizes it as part of the 'good girl'/'performer' conditioning we had as children, that followed us through our lives, right into our marriages. It is very hard to un-do. She's 10 years older than I am, and is still fighting it. I think we sometimes tend to overlook those behind-the-scenes incremental changes because they don't advertise themselves like the big milestones do.
> 
> It may sound cliche, but it really is about stopping and smelling the roses sometimes. Literally. I have two beautiful rose bushes, one on either side of my front door. As I run past them on my way in or out of my front door, I think 'Wow, those sure are beautiful. I'm so lucky to have them.' But I have absolutely no idea if they even have a fragrance, because I've literally never stopped to smell them.


AP- I've been thinking about your post here.

For many of us, life as we knew it and expected it to be was upended suddenly and permanently. And, let's face it, we have been rejected and humiliated exposing all of our fears, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. Who can put a timeframe on recovery from that? Just getting out of bed was an accomplishment for months.

Also, for those of us with kids, we have to figure out a way to co-parent with these people who have caused so much pain and damage. We don't have the luxury of a 180. The WSs are in our faces almost daily with whatever BS they are now into. It's difficult to disentangle and to know what are the best choices for your children and your own emotional well-being. It's a fine line to walk and if it takes awhile, so be it. We can only do the best we can.

I think you have taken the steps you've needed (yes - forced) to take which are steps you'd never envisioned. And they are difficult ones even as a couple (buying a house, etc). But you've done them successfully.

As I've thought many times, dealing with this is worse than a death as it is an ongoing struggle with really no closure. Be proud of what you've accomplished and give yourself a break.


----------



## catcalls

angelpixie said:


> In a few days, it will be two years since I moved out of the marital home. For good. With all of the emotional meandering I journaled about on TAM in the last year and few months, and what I journaled about in notebooks before I discovered TAM, I can say with a little bit of self-respect that (with the exception of one wobble the morning I told him of my decision), once I made my realization that I was done fighting for a marriage with someone I couldn't trust with my safety, I never tried to get him back again or to move back 'home.' I tried to get him to understand me, to see what he was doing, what he did with his EA's, etc., and if he had seriously wanted to work on things, I know I would have, but I was done begging for MC and for forgiveness for things I'd never done or any of those other things. I knew it was all moving towards the end, and it was just a _hell_ of a process to get there.
> 
> I started thinking about the changes in these last two years, and as it happened, had an IC appointment this morning, too, where we talked about it some more. I can recognize the obvious things: the legal divorce, the purchase of my house, becoming financially self-sufficient. Those just seem like check-marks on a 'to-do' list. I was left not feeling very satisfied with myself otherwise. The other changes are more incremental, and less obvious than a change in residence or marital status. It was good to talk to my IC today, since I've seen her through all of this. She was a bit stunned that I was feeling so down on myself, and started rattling off things that I hadn't even thought of as accomplishments or milestones or more checkmarks on the list. Such as reconnecting with my distant family, while at the same time revealing to them what I'd been hiding about my marriage for fear of their reaction; and going from the basketcase I was when I first walked into her office due to my husband dropping the bomb that he wanted to leave me with one of the express purposes being to be with other women to dealing, more or less on a daily basis, with him and his girlfriend (who had been an EA partner during the end of _our_ living together) now living together themselves in our marital home; having my relationship with my son improve through all of this and feeling like I've become a better mother; things that I've done to get out of my isolation and out of my comfort zone -- too many to mention, lol; and my physical changes -- better shape, more of my own personality and style, more self-confidence, more at home in my own skin than ever in my life. I can see where I'm very slowly taking steps to set boundaries in relationships, and feeling comfortable with it. I initiated going out on my date last weekend (to the shock of my IC, lol), I felt confident during the date. When he texted me very late that evening, I answered, but I wasn't happy that he did that on a worknight. When he texted me while I was very busy at work the next day, too, I realized it was up to me to set the boundary of what I would accept. After our one short meeting, it was not appropriate. I waited to answer him til after work, explaining that I was extremely busy all day. He has not contacted me back, though he'd originally said he wanted to go out again. I'm OK with that. I made the most recent contact. I left the door open. It's up to him now. I'm not chasing. I'm not desperate. That feels good.
> 
> At my last appointment, my IC and I got into a discussion, and she mentioned that I might not have men approaching me because, for one thing, when I wear vintage (which I only do very seldom), I might seem too 'June Cleaver' and guys don't want to date June Cleaver. (She admitted she was just trying to hypothesize, lol), and that my curly hair might seem too old-fashioned and not 'fun.' I happened to mention the new glasses I was getting, and when I said they were somewhat cat-eye shaped, she cut me off and said 'See -- that's what I mean. They look old-fashioned' I started to panic, thinking I was looking foolish and sabotaging myself. But, I'm proud to say that even while we were talking about it, inside I was rejecting what she was saying. Not because she was necessarily wrong about what guys might be thinking, but because I wasn't dressing or doing my hair or picking out glasses to impress guys. It was my style. It makes me happy when I curl my hair. My glasses are not like any I've had before, because I can finally get beyond the financial necessity of picking frames that might be OK for the next 6-8 years or more. I can have a little fun with it. Contrary to what I've felt in the past, it felt _more wrong for me to change_ and do what she was suggesting than it did to keep doing what I wanted. And ironically, on my date, the guy said that a.) one of the things that he was first drawn to in my profile was a pic of me wearing something vintage, and b.) he loved that I curled my hair and didn't just do what everyone else did. That it suited me. And he thought it was very sexy. My IC said she was more than happy to be proven wrong, lol.
> 
> I've called a couple of friends to arrange activities together on the 4th and the following Saturday. In a really big step for me, I said 'no' to X when he wanted me to take DS for an extra Saturday night so he and gf can shoot a wedding out of town. I'd made plans to go out with my Y friends for a GNO. It was another of those situations where I originally couldn't do it because I had DS, the host had to postpone it, and it ended up that I could go. I told x I'd watch DS until it was time for me to go (didn't tell him where), but the rest of the night was up to him to find someone to watch DS. I'm fighting the guilt on that. But I know I _need_ to do these things and go out once in a while. It will be only the 3rd time. Ever. X is very surprised at me. He's being extra friendly yesterday and today, and I think it's because he wants me to change my plans. I see through him: he's only nice when he has a reason to be.
> 
> But I'm still very hard on myself. I feel like I haven't done enough. I feel like time is racing by. Friends have been surprised when I've told them it's been 2 years now. They mention how much I've accomplished in such a short time, and I feel like I've been a slug, because all I can see is what is left *un*done. One of my best friends, who is also very much like this, recognizes it as part of the 'good girl'/'performer' conditioning we had as children, that followed us through our lives, right into our marriages. It is very hard to un-do. She's 10 years older than I am, and is still fighting it. I think we sometimes tend to overlook those behind-the-scenes incremental changes because they don't advertise themselves like the big milestones do.
> 
> It may sound cliche, but it really is about stopping and smelling the roses sometimes. Literally. I have two beautiful rose bushes, one on either side of my front door. As I run past them on my way in or out of my front door, I think 'Wow, those sure are beautiful. I'm so lucky to have them.' But I have absolutely no idea if they even have a fragrance, because I've literally never stopped to smell them.


I have read only bits and pieces of your thread and every time you describe chinless (great name btw), it seems like your greatest accomplishment is no longer being with him. every time you see him you should thank yourself that you have very little to do with him these days. yes your son remains the link but he will grow up in a few years and you will no longer have to deal with chinless. 

consider how far you have come in 2 years and now imagine how far you will get in the next few years if you continue your progress. that should be a great motivation. you seem really confident and are able to tackle a variety of projects , parent your son and earn your livelihood. 

perhaps time to get a toy boy  to rival chinless's GF


----------



## angelpixie

Well, I just dropped off the Subi with the repair guys. Keeping my fingers crossed that it won't run much over $1K. That seems to be what I'm hearing bandied about. Awoke to raging thunderstorm this morning. Perfect weather for riding my bike to work, lol. Brings back lots of pre-car memories from back in MN. Luckily, by the time I was heading off, the sun was peaking out of the clouds, but there was a very unusual headwind out of the east. The universe has a sense of humor, for sure.  But it is a nice ride - bike paths the whole way. I haven't ridden from my house yet, but that doesn't have much in the way of paths and is quite a bit busier. I'd still like to plan my day well enough to try riding to work and back. 
Two things: 
1.) *Must* get new seat. Ugh. How do you guys deal with those seats?! (I have a guys' mountain bike that someone gave me when a housemate left it behind)
2.) When you have a guys' bike, scooter skirts are the bomb. Just sayin'. 

DS is in a baseball camp this week. My camp plans for this week fell through on July 3rd, so I was panicking. He didn't want to do this week's theatre camp because it's Cinderella. Other camps were either full, only half day, or way out of my budget. Someone suggested the camps they do here on campus. I'm a little leary because DS isn't really into sports and I didn't want him 'stuck' for 40 hours doing something he hates. But Ex found out that part of the thing is that they get to meet and work with the players of our minor, minor, minor, minor league team here and even play in the stadium. I think he'll really enjoy that. Plus they're swimming and doing other stuff. And even with paying for the aftercare up to 5 p.m., it's just as much as the theatre camp. Whew! Their cut-off is 5th grade, which DS just left. Since it was a holiday weekend, the guys taking the applications on Friday couldn't answer my question to make sure he'd still be accepted, so I wrote a little begging note explaining my predicament. I got an email from one of the people in charge, saying it was no problem, and she'd worked at DS' school and knew him. She said, "He's a delightful kid, and we'd love to have him!" Those things are always great to hear. 

Still trying to widen my circle and also do more things with women I already know. My contra friend, my Y friend and I all have boys who have a great time together, so the 6 of us are going to do something together on Thursday night. It was hilarious watching the three of them during Despicable Me 2 on Saturday. Collectively pulling their baseball caps over their faces and groaning at the least hint of anything romantic, lol. :rofl: And boy, the movies in the previews really looked sucky, though I'm sure I'll be going to see the Lego movie when it comes out.  That looked like it at least had some potential. I wonder if there will be a Lego movie tie-in for the Lego Movie? Ya think? 

My brother has done something for me that I'm still having a hard time with. I mentioned a few months back that he was giving me his car, since he wanted a new one. I thought that was incredibly generous. It's a 2002 Focus with a salvage title due to storm damage, but he takes awesome care of his cars and says he's had no trouble driving it in MN winters. So it would be fine for me unless I really needed the AWD of the Subi or needed it to haul things for my business. 
Well, last week, he called to tell me he _*bought*_ me a car. It's another Focus, another salvage title, but from the same guys that fixed up his car. I asked him why and he couldn't really give me a good answer -- just that he wanted to. He's concerned about the miles on mine, the body damage from the hit and run, and wanted me to get something with better mpg to save me money. Plus he was hoping a domestic car would be cheaper to repair. The one thing he was worried about? "Um, are you OK if it's red?" OMG, are you _kidding_ me???







I get the feeling that he really wants to be a 'big' brother, even though he's younger than me, lol. It makes me super uncomfortable to accept it. But I have to remember that this is all really part of give and take. I have given in the past when I was able, especially when we were younger. So I should be able to just say "Thank you" without feeling guilt or shame. I'm trying.  I think this makes him feel good, too. He's really putting a lot into making sure it's in good shape, verifying what they've done on it, checking on the tires, etc. He even called my state to make sure there wouldn't be a problem getting insurance for it. I realized that it will be the first time in over 10 years that I've driven a car with a trunk, lol. Plus he jokingly suggested that I could get black round magnets and make it look like a ladybug. I might just do that for Halloween, who knows? 
So, as of early August, I'll be driving a snappy red 10-year-old four-door sedan instead of a dented-up 15-year-old Mom Wagon. :smthumbup: Now I just need to get my new shades ordered from the eye doctor.   :rofl: :rofl:

Finally got out of my DIY slump and put in a bunch of hours on the garage last night. Having a break from the heat is soooooo nice. Looks like it will be in the 80s all week, so hopefully I can just build on that momentum. 

So, things are still looking good. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, forgot to update about STFC. The class has been cancelled for the summer.  BUT... it's getting totally revamped (haha) for fall. My fellow student from the old class did want to try teaching after all but the studio head didn't want her to do it solo. So she will be working together with the head of the studio on a brand new class that the studio head (a professional choreographer) is designing. Yay!! I'm really excited. My friend and I were talking about it, and we both hope it will still maintain that same positive mind-set that was so important in the old STFC. That's very close to both of our hearts, and she's already mentioned it to the other woman. When I drop off my invoice for classes I taught, I hope I get a chance to speak to her, too, so I can mention it as well. 

And....studio head has already told my friend that pole dancing will be part of the new curriculum. Ohhhhh, yessss. :smthumbup:  



I envision broken bones in my future. Well, that will be a new experience for me, too, right? :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

Yep. $1100. Lots more wrong than I thought, though, so at least I'm getting more done for that money. 

I'm trying to look on the bright side.


----------



## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> .
> 
> I'm trying to look on the bright side.


I hear ya, sista' 

issed:


----------



## angelpixie

So, the thing I posted about here threw me for a bit of a loop earlier this week, but I'm feeling better now. I've just been keeping busy and trying not to think about it. Was supposed to make plans for tonight while I was at the Y on Tuesday, but the whole engagement business/DS' reaction caused me to forget, then I just lost focus on it. Well, contra friend called tonight and wanted to know what was up. I told what happened and apologized for dropping the ball. She had been having a crappy week, too, as she found out that a guy she'd started dating, who she really, really clicked with, was actually cheating on his gf with her, so she had to dump him. It was the first time she'd found someone with whom she had so much in common in years. So, we both decided we needed to get out of the house. Neither of us have any money to spend on eating out, so we hurried and had dinner, then went down to our riverside park where there's live music every Thursday night. This week happened to be a special event, so there were a lot of people there. It was a bluegrass band, which I'm OK with, but she really loved. They were good. I mean, you can't beat a band that makes you want to dance to bluegrass versions of "In the Air Tonight" and "Believe" (yes, the Cher song). But dance we did, along with all the other granolas, barefoot in the grass by the stage. Have I mentioned lately that I'm not the way I used to be? And that I kind of don't give a damn who sees me dancing? Yeah, well, I don't. And it feels great.  After the music was done, we walked along the river for a while, letting the boys run around and roll down the hills together, then took the long way round back to our cars while we talked. It was a beautiful evening, much cooler than it's been. 

Turns out the band is playing in one of our newly-renovated clubs on Saturday night, along with another band. A free show, even. But I reminded my friend that we have our boys that night, so we can't go. "Oh" she smiles, "You forget that one of my boys is 16 and can baby-sit the other two while they play Minecraft together." :smthumbup: So, we're taking the boys tubing on the river during the day, having dinner all together, then she and I are going out. I am actually taking DS for Chinless that night as a favor, because a previous GNO I was going to was cancelled. So, it turns out well anyway! (And the GNO was changed to pub trivia and karaoke next week on a night off for me besides, so I still get that one, too - yay, me!) And Sunday, we're taking the boys on a hike with our local Meetup group. So hopefully, I'll have enough fun going on the next few days to push the other crap to the back of my mind. I hope it will for her, too. 

Then the next weekend is contra overnight again, and the following is Celtic Fest. I went alone last year, but this year she and I will join the meet-up folks. One of the bands that blew me away last year is back, so I'm excited. 

Gee, I guess I'm still dealing with the drama in my life (mostly caused by you-know-who, still) by dancing, lol. Well, there are certainly worse ways, aren't there?


----------



## CEL

What is the name of the Celtic Band? Wish I was close I would love to go to another Celtic festival we got one coming up High Land Games but still would like to go to another one. sigh


----------



## angelpixie

The Screaming Orphans -- four sisters from County Donegal. They really rocked. They opened for the Young Dubliners, who were also fantastic. Unfortunately, they aren't there again this year.


----------



## soca70

Update please...


----------



## angelpixie

soca70 said:


> Update please...


Well, ups and downs to report. The main downs are on the social front. Having trouble finding people who like to do what I like to do. Contra friend was all excited for the two of us to start going out dancing together. :smthumbup: Then she divulged that she doesn't usually like staying up past 10-10:30. On weekends. Hrm. So our first big outing ended up not happening.

But she redeemed herself nicely last night at Celtic Fest, where she joined me in the mosh pit (fingers in her ears the whole time, but still, she stayed ) Had an awesome time!! Reminded myself how much I love that kind of thing, and that I'll keep looking for opportunities, even if it's by myself. I gave up too much for too many years because Ex didn't want to. And then I gave up. No more of that shizz.  (and by 'mosh pit' I must qualify it by saying that it was very well-behaved. People apologized when they bumped into each other, and even brought their kids. The few dread-locked tie-dyed hippie types stood out like sore thumbs. :rofl 

Having her and her kids over for a BBQ at my house tonight after DS gets done with his performances from this week's Childrens Theater camp. He has a bigger role than last time he was in camp this summer, and he's really excited about it. I'm so happy that he stuck with it!! 

This is the first time I'm having anyone to my house for a meal since I moved in (except for my dad). Entertaining is a hugely anxiety-producing thing for me, but so far, it's in check. :smthumbup: The Old Rasputin will be flowing once I'm back here, so that will help, I'm sure. 

And ---- Ex informed me that he got a job shooting a wedding in MN with his best friend (also a wedding photographer). It will be late August, and he wants to take DS with him. He'll be back the day before school starts. DS knows he'll be missing an ice cream social and an orientation showing how to open their lockers (  ) but he can schedule another one beforehand.

Did you notice how smoothly Ex slipped all that in there? Yes, the homeschool drama must have all been in my imagination, because, without any further discussion, DS will be attending middle school, as planned. I am thrilled, but I sure as hell wish we could have skipped all the BS earlier this spring. Maybe it was necessary in a way, as it gave me a chance to make it very clear where I stand on Trampire's involvement in decision-making in DS' life.

I am not delusional enough to think that this has to do with anything else other than the two of them realizing they don't want to take this on, not with all of the wedding planning they'll be doing for the next 2-3 years. 

Was treated to a tiny peek at the engagement photos. Very classy. Trampire in her minidress, them kissing, Ex's hand on her ass. I can only guess at the motivation for a pose like that. And roll my eyes some more. 

My brother gets here in about 2 weeks. I'll have to see what I can find to take him to. Unfortunately, he'll miss contra camp-out weekend. Maybe we can take him tubing on the river. If it's not dried up by then.  I'll have my new-to-me car, too. Yay!! 

So, after a bit of a dip last week, I think things are looking up again.


----------



## angelpixie

I'm in there somewhere:


----------



## angelpixie

DS was great. Though a bit hammy. I have NO idea where he gets that from.


----------



## muskrat

Sounds like you are doing great AP.
It also sound like DS is adjusting really well, you should be very proud of him. (I already know you are  ).


----------



## angelpixie

Evening went great! My friend and her kids were here til after 11, lol. Whew!! I think I can do this again. No, I'm sure I can do this again. 

It was good to have time to talk to my friend tonight, too. She surprised me by telling me both how relaxed I seemed tonight, and what a contrast it was to the me of last night, lol. She said I seemed like a totally different person, different from when I'm with DS, different from when she sees me at contra. Not like just a 'mom' or a 'nice person' but an actual 'woman.' I didn't realize they were mutually exclusive, lol. "I _loved_ seeing you like that last night -- that's the way you are meant to be!!" May be true... We'll see how well I can make that happen in my real life world.


----------



## Dollystanford

Want to see a video of Angelface moshing quite badly


----------



## Dollystanford

I mean I want to see it badly, not that you mosh badly 

Obviously


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> Want to see a video of Angelface moshing quite badly


If there was such a video, that's exactly what you'd see. And I can hear your voice as you'd be watching it. "Tsk. That Angel, she moshes quite badly" :rofl:


----------



## CEL

It is your real life you where really there. It takes a small mind not to have contradictions you can be both a mom and a lover. A women and an anxiety machine. People are strange they always want to box themselves instead of just admitting a simple fact we are all things both the predator and the prey. Both the confidant person and the scared child. Both submissive and dominant.

You are a special person infinitely complex and beautifully so. Embrace your contradictions those without them are the truly weird ones.  glad your friends see you for the wonderful person you are.


----------



## Dollystanford

and her magnificent ta-tas


----------



## CEL

Dollystanford said:


> and her magnificent ta-tas


LOL you win I bow to your power and submit to your indomitable posting ability.


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> and her magnificent ta-tas


I don't believe you.

Prove it.


----------



## Dollystanford

Sorry, pictures of Angel's norks are mine and mine alone


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> Sorry, pictures of Angel's norks are mine and mine alone


I'm sorry you feel that way... I am not okay with you bogarting pictures of Angel's norks.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I am not OK with calling them "norks". How unsexy.


----------



## angelpixie

I actually LOL'd at my desk this morning when I saw this. I don't know that the tried and true "I'm not OK with that" was ever meant to be used in this type of situation. Conrad would be rolling in his...oh, wait. :rofl:


----------



## Dollystanford

well you know, better 'norks' than 'funbags'


----------



## angelpixie

Dollystanford said:


> well you know, better 'norks' than 'funbags'


OH, GOD. Where is that puking smiley when I need it?


----------



## CEL

Hell as a guy I could care less what they are called. Like they say a rose by any other name.....however also as a guy I realize my chances improve if I use the terms of endearment that the women enjoys.


----------



## CEL

Besides since I started doing a lot of bench pressing I got a decent A cup myself. I dub them The Brothers...


----------



## CharlieParker

CEL said:


> use the terms of endearment that the women enjoys.


I once let the term slip out, now my well endowed wife thinks it's endearing. Hmmm.


----------



## soca70

angelpixie said:


> I actually LOL'd at my desk this morning when I saw this. I don't know that the tried and true "I'm not OK with that" was ever meant to be used in this type of situation. Conrad would be rolling in his...oh, wait. :rofl:


Does Conrad read this thread?:scratchhead:


----------



## CEL

CharlieParker said:


> I once let the term slip out, now my well endowed wife thinks it's endearing. Hmmm.


You got lucky should of bought a lotto ticket


----------



## angelpixie

Personally, I prefer "God's Gift to Mankind," but "Womanly Accoutrements" is also nice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Or my daughter's enthusiastic "BOOBIES!!!" also works when she's feeling silly.


----------



## angelpixie

I believe I also posted this in another thread once upon a time...


----------



## angelpixie

soca70 said:


> Does Conrad read this thread?:scratchhead:


I seriously doubt it.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> I believe I also posted this in another thread once upon a time...


----------



## CEL

Fraggle Rock was the shiznit! Loved that show oh and those are some mighty beautiful boobies you got there Angel....I meant the picture


----------



## angelpixie

Sure you did.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

It really annoys me when someone calls them breasteses.


----------



## jpr

Did I hear talk of chesticles?


----------



## Dollystanford

Well they have their knockers


----------



## Pbartender

Don't bogart the NORKs.


----------



## Pbartender

Dollystanford said:


> Well they have their knockers


What knockers!


----------



## angelpixie

Why is it that no matter what awesome, significant things I do in my life, somehow it always comes back around to my chest? I need to just remember that and not try so damned hard at everything else. Just put on a tight sweater and all will be right with the world.  







:rofl:


----------



## jpr

Yes. That is very wise, Angel.

....sweater puppies make everyone happy.


----------



## LivingAgain

Pbartender said:


>


HAHAHA!!

BTW my nickname in the 80s was Fraggles...long story. A few people still call me Frags these days


----------



## angelpixie

LivingAgain said:


> HAHAHA!!
> 
> BTW my nickname in the 80s was Fraggles...long story. A few people still call me Frags these days



Your nerd cred just keeps growing, LA. :smthumbup:


----------



## CEL

angelpixie said:


> Why is it that no matter what awesome, significant things I do in my life, somehow it always comes back around to my chest? I need to just remember that and not try so damned hard at everything else. Just put on a tight sweater and all will be right with the world.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :rofl:


Why can't your chest be awesome and significant? And really a sweater, come on tshirt! And I don't know about all will be right in your world but my day would certainly look up 

Had a buddy who had an awesome rack "yep I can say rack because he is male so I get to play my gender card" he showed that rack off all the time. He would pose at work and make them do the peck pop of love. He was damn proud if those things "given the time he spent on them and the steroids he was taking he had every right to be". 

Then the other day I go to the gym and see another guy putting lotion on his chest in the mirror. Not quick either there was some serious self love happening.

My point is that your body can be an ally, a friend, a lover, or your worse enemy. Loving your self and taking pride in how you look is a great thing when most of us struggle with self esteem issues related to our bodies. So my advice is that you do have a significant and awesome chest what you do in your life is also awesome but that you have a great body is also something to take pride in. Kind of funny but guys seem to be easier with this they openly live and flaunt six pack abs, nice symmetry, the shredded look, great hair "I hate guys with great hair..sigh". All the things that we think are attractive while women will sometimes do the same it comes across as more sexually motivated maybe because guys react to it that way so that reaction tarnishes the pride that a person can have in their body. Don't know I do know that you can take pride in your body and love your body and that you can marvel at how awesome you are. My point is when you do these awesome things you are looking great doing it I think that is why it always comes back to that. Now the real issue is can you do the peck pop of love...,that's what really turns guys on


----------



## angelpixie

jpr said:


> Yes. That is very wise, Angel.
> 
> ....sweater puppies make everyone happy.



jpr, I have totally missed your tiny editing messages, lol. :rofl:


----------



## angelpixie

CEL said:


> Now the real issue is can you do the peck pop of love...,that's what really turns guys on


Oh, gawd, not another thing I have to learn...  You crack me up.


----------



## CEL

Have you ever wanted to get the man or women of your dreams? Tired of seeing others bigger fitter guys get the girls you want? Are you sad that guys are going for the trampy women instead of you? Well I am here to show you the secret to getting any person you want. With this arcane secret love will no longer be out of your grasp instead you can have any partner you want! Do you want Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie with the maneuver and practice you can have them. The reason you are failing is not because you are doing anything wrong you are a wonderful person the problem is that the secret that our ancestors knew we have forgotten, it is the single thread that we all share. A trigger from our primal days of riding dinosaurs and hunting werewolves. This trigger is so deep in us that when we see a person perform it we are instantly attracted to them and cannot live without them. Many have sought out this secret knowledge but until now it has been hidden.

Known only to a few enlightened swami deep in the Himalayas and only now available to you through my exhaustible journey. I went deep into India and sat at the foot of the Ganges. There I communed with the great mother and listened to her pain and joy. I spent centuries in communion with her. She told me that all we truly need is love and showed me the way to find it. For truly one is the loneliest number. And for my time she gifted me with a secret only a few have known. So for your knowledge on your own path of love here is the Peck Pop of Love.

Pec Pop of Love! - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

Omygoodlord!


----------



## angelpixie

Another day, another lol at my desk. People are going to start to talk...


----------



## angelpixie

Rainy evening, glass of wine, bubble bath, and the XTC mix on YouTube. Aaaaahhh.

XTC - We're All Light - YouTube


----------



## CEL

I prefer bath salts usually lavender or vanilla or dragons blood or patchouli. A salt candle and some yoga music. Awww peace.


----------



## angelpixie

My brother arrived Thursday evening, and we've had a great time together. DS was camping on Thursday night, so the two of us had some time to just talk. He drove the car that he bought for me, which is really a nice car. He filled it with stuff of my mom's which I put in the garage and will deal with later. So far, I've been OK with seeing it. 

Funny thing, when I drove the Subi to work on Friday, the 'check engine' light went on. I suspect it just needs a new air filter due to the forest fire smoke we've had, but the timing was comical. I've worked 1/2 days while my brother is here, so after I got home, we spent the rest of Friday transferring title, getting insurance, etc. I went ahead and got permanent plates. That, plus the title transfer was less than $150. Unbelievable! I can't imagine how much that would have been in MN, lol. 

My brother saw the pieces of my steel pergola in my yard, and started working on it Friday while I was at work without my asking him to.  He got it put together and we flipped it upright last night. Tomorrow when I get home, we'll level out the ground under the posts and put the canvas cover on it. Shade in my backyard!! :smthumbup:

Went on a road trip yesterday to the town where I started college years ago, which is still one of my favorite places. Today was hours and hours at the Fair with DS' friend, The Brick, and his parents. After dinner, we made a fruitless small road trip looking for bighorn sheep. And a not-so-fruitless search for ice cream. One of our local places was just on GMA last month as one of the best in the country. I finally got to try the one they make with a locally brewed Scotch ale. Yummy!  They have awesome and unusual flavors that I've mentioned before, like Nutella Banana and Lemon Curry Coconut. 

Tomorrow, more pergola work, a few more landmarks around town to look at, and help moving a few things I can't do myself. Then an early night and a long, early drive to Spokane and back to take bro to catch his flight back to MN. This trip has gone by really fast, but it's been fun. I know DS is having a lot of fun with him, too. My brother is already talking about planning his next trip out. 

And it really is relaxing not having to deal with Ex. Not having him around, I'm realizing just how much of a source of stress he was in my life. No, it's not easy, per se, to have visitors, but it hasn't been nearly as difficult as it used to be. And we never had people stay in our house. Both my dad and brother have stayed right here, and it hasn't been a problem at all. I don't know if maybe I've changed in the meantime, too. Maybe so.

But I really do value my independence, I'm seeing.

And I'm being tested again regarding DS and Trampire. Yesterday, he saw a postcard with some picture he thought she'd like. He didn't have any money, so he asked if I'd buy it for him, so he could give it to her. I told him I would, but he had to pay me back. It made me kind of perturbed, but for me to say No would not have changed anything regarding the fact that DS saw something he wanted to give Trampire. It just would have driven a wedge between DS and me. But I drew the line at the Fair today when he asked me to take a picture of some animals and email it to her. I told him she was free to come to the Fair and take pictures of them herself if she wanted to. He tried to argue that it was the last day of the Fair, and I just said No. I have to draw a limit somewhere. 

It's all a fact of life now. I feel like the best thing to do is to deal with each incident as it arises and handle it in a way that preserves my relationship with DS while balancing it against my self-respect. I have no idea how I'm doing at it, lol, as I certainly will never hear any kudos from Chinless and DS is blissfully unaware. 

I can't believe how quickly the summer has gone. Next weekend is our final contra camp-out of the summer already!  I'm more than a bit disappointed in how little I was able to finish due to the unusually hot summer. My early allergy attack went into bronchitis, and has been a sinus infection that has given me some pretty crippling pain in my right upper and lower jaw for a few weeks. If it's not better after this round of treatment, I'll have to see the ENT who did my apnea surgery (tonsils, nasal and sinus combo procedures) several years ago. I may need surgery again. On one hand, that's not fun, but OTOH, I felt so great right afterward and I'd love to feel that clear again. We'll see how it goes. So far, I'm not seeing any improvement.


----------



## CEL

Glad you found a good balance there. With the saying No but being flexible I like the boundary because it shows you are standing up for what hurts you to do. Big step forward on that front before you were willing to suffer as long as DS was happy. I like that you are now realizing YOUR happiness matters as well. Like I said great job! A lot of hard growth there. Have fun with your brother and DS.


----------



## TBT

Hi AP.Just thought I'd drop by and catch up a bit on how things are going for you.You always seem a little stronger every time I stop by here.You keep pushing through no matter the obstacles in your way.

Glad you had a good visit with your brother and I see on another thread your ex has come around about the home schooling...so:smthumbup:

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well though and I hope you feel better soon.

Don't know if I ever said it before Angel,but thanks for sharing your journey and all the great advice and support you've given on these forums.You shore up my faith and belief in people when I read what you have to say.

Anyway AP,you take care and in the immortal words of Arnold 'I'll be back'. Later.


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks so much for stopping by and saying that, TBT. It's something I really needed to hear tonight, and you've always been very supportive of me. You've been a good friend, and I have appreciated it.


----------



## Lifescript

Hey angel, 

Just wanted to stop by, quick hello and say thanks for all your support and advice all this time since I came to TAM. 

Things have settled down for me quite a bit. DS is adjusting to the schedule, X is behaving, recently received some "I miss you" texts. But I'm not looking back. 

Thanks again. You rock!


----------



## jpr

You are a treasure, Angel.

Duh.  ...everybody knows that.


----------



## Ikaika

I am not much on TAM these days, but for good and trusted friends. I am looking forward to the day you and DS can come to the islands to visit my family. 

For now, stay strong, stay positive and don't doubt yourself. As jpr has already said you are a treasure (second that opinion).


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm glad to hear you are making much progress on the home front and the healing front. Some day when DS is old enough to have a cell phone, he can send pictures of animals to whomever he wants.


----------



## angelpixie

Saw dentist yesterday and ENT surgeon today. Verdict: Still some major issues with one pair of sinuses, but cause of current pain is most likely wisdom teeth. Whoa! didn't expect that.  So, ENT surgeon gave me Rx's for mega antibiotic, prednisone and super-steroid nasal sprays that should also help with the wisdom tooth. 

Which is great because I'm treating myself to a weekend away to a contra dance camp in couple of weeks. It's the one that DS & I went to help prepare for over Mother's Day weekend. At contra last Saturday, I found out that they still had a working-'scholarship' left and after DS' trip to MN with Chinless and the Trampire, I agreed to flip our weekly schedule. That allowed me to only have DS 1 day instead of 2, and Chinless agreed to take him that 1 day for me. Yay!! It's a beautiful location, hopefully not as smoky as it is here now ( ) and I get to dance for 3 straight days. 

And then get my wisdom teeth pulled, lol. 

Sinus surgery is not totally off the table, if removing the teeth doesn't take care of things, but that's a few months down the road at least. Phew! 

As I mentioned, DS is with the Glitter Twins, going to MN to have Trampire make the big debut to Ex's family. It's the longest stretch of days that I've ever gone without seeing DS. I'll be trying to come up with things to fill my time, but we had a lot of great times together lately, so it makes me miss him that much more. It didn't help at all that he accidentally referred to them as 'Mom and Dad' when he talked to me on the phone last night. He caught it right away, but I know it's because, for all practical purposes, that's how he sees them. A 'parental unit'. Sigh. Part of me still has a bit of hurt over being thrown away and replaced as if I was just disposable in the eyes of Chinless and his family. But most of me just feels numb. The hurt doesn't do anything for me, so I don't dwell on it. I am trying to focus on the fact that DS will get to see his grandparents, his aunts and cousins, and Chinless is even letting him have a dinner with my dad and brother while he's there, too.

The Glitter Twins continue to treat me personally with cold contempt. We toured DS' new school last Friday (yes, she was there, too), and even though I'm the parent who lives in the district, receives the mail, etc., and DS kept walking with and standing with me, the principal kept deferring to the two of them as DS' parents, trying to figure out how to arrange things since they won't be back from the trip til late the night before school starts. I kept nicely asserting, that I was not leaving town, and could easily be contacted and, indeed, would be in touch with him late this week. Yet, I think the pair of them just seemed more authoritative to him than singular me. Sigh. It is what it is. Only 8 more years til graduation. 

Personally, the last couple weeks have been tough, but revelatory. A situation arose that showed me that one cannot totally heal in a vacuum. I was shocked that I was pretty severely triggered and had some very strong negative feelings toward myself that came up from, of all things, someone showing me romantic attention. It was not healthy, and I'm proud of the skills I used in the situation, but the reactions showed me where I need to do some more work, and that some of the darker aspects of my relationship with Chinless affected me more than I thought. Which is actually hopeful, based on what I've been learning. Anything that leads to a better life is worth the work it takes. (It also really, really makes me want to go back to school, lol. Damn, the human brain is an interesting thing!  :rofl


----------



## Paradise

Angel, I don't have any words of wisdom other than to tell you I know EXACTLY what you are going through!!!! And it is very, very hard!!!! I know my daughter sees the OM as her "dad" and that they are her "family." it is very difficult to negotiate the emotions that come along with that. Just wanted you to know that there are many out there who are going through exactly what you are.


----------



## OldGirl

TBT said:


> Hi AP.Just thought I'd drop by and catch up a bit on how things are going for you.You always seem a little stronger every time I stop by here.You keep pushing through no matter the obstacles in your way.
> 
> Glad you had a good visit with your brother and I see on another thread your ex has come around about the home schooling...so:smthumbup:
> 
> Sorry to hear you're not feeling well though and I hope you feel better soon.
> 
> Don't know if I ever said it before Angel,but thanks for sharing your journey and all the great advice and support you've given on these forums.You shore up my faith and belief in people when I read what you have to say.
> 
> Anyway AP,you take care and in the immortal words of Arnold 'I'll be back'. Later.


:iagree:



jpr said:


> You are a treasure, Angel.
> 
> Duh.  ...everybody knows that.


^_^
Yup. 

(as usual, I just can't shut up )


----------



## angelpixie

Thanks for the kind words, everyone - they really mean the world to me.  (And OG, for heaven's sakes, you are missed, so stop by anytime! ) 

So far, Ex's family (ex-MIL and ex-SIL) has been great about letting DS call me, or text me when it gets too late to call. Sounds like he's been going non-stop since he's gotten there. It doesn't sound like he's even seen his father since they arrived, though maybe today, as they were all gathering for THE big family BBQ/boat on the local lake/get-to-know-the-Trampire event. Tomorrow he's going to the Mall of America, and then meeting my dad and brother afterwards for dinner. They'll be home late, late Tuesday night. DS starts school Wednesday a.m. When my brother was here, he, Ex and I discussed how to set up the dinner. My brother clearly told him that his university classes started Monday, and of course he'd have his phone off, so all arrangements should be made by Sunday afternoon at the latest. Ex assured him that would be noooooo problem.  Dad and bro have been trying not to step on Ex's toes or piss him off for my sake, but of course, Ex has not bothered to contact them and today my brother had to finally call, only to hear that they might have to meet early during the day tomorrow. Um, what part of "I'm in class til 3 and will have my phone off" did you not understand, Chinless? Guess what? He 'forgot' (see 2ntnuf's thread on Passive-aggressive behavior for reference ) They're both trying to be accommodating of Ex's schedule, so it would be nice if it was reciprocated.

I've done OK being without DS. Kept myself busy. Contacted one of my best friends from work to go out and see a movie and grab a bite yesterday. I realized it's been a while, and I need to be the one to ask, and not always wait to be asked. Instead we had a nice brunch and the smoke let up enough for us to walk all over downtown and visit some shops and an outdoor craft fair and the farmer's market. Was nice, but warmer than we thought, lol. She's a wonderful friend, but I do miss having someone my age to do things with. She's about 10 years older than me, and celebrated the birth of her first grandchild yesterday morning. 

I finally got in a whole day on the garage today, well, until the thunderstorm moved in. Somehow, when we have a high chance of rain and/or storms, nothing happens. Today was 20%, and we had a huge one, lol. I managed to get all the plywood for the floor fussy-cut into the specific jigsaw pieces I needed just as the thunder and lightning came. I wasn't sure how 5' 4" me (with proportional wingspan) was going to carry and lift 4x8 sheets of OSB and lay them flat on my rather light-weight plastic sawhorses, but somehow I managed multiple times. Yay me! Next step is to actually start laying it all down, then covering it with carpet or something. Hopefully, I can find some commercial carpet/tile things at the reuse center. Then, it's cleaning up the walls and covering the board joints with patterned duct tape I've been collecting, insulating the windows. and finishing the trim on those (I *dread* that part), and then FINALLY, I can start moving my stuff in and getting it organized. But, it's moving along. It would have been much nicer if I'd felt better and if we hadn't had the 3rd hottest summer on record (and still a chance to take 2nd. Ugh)

Meds have been helping, and I haven't had jaw pain in days, for which I'm overwhelmingly grateful. :smthumbup:

Overall, I'm feeling a little more positive. There are things about my life that I wish were different, certainly. I don't know if 'happiness' is ever a possibility. 'Less unhappiness' is something I already have. My attitudes about things like happiness and love have been forever changed. Living with someone like Chinless has left me with a hazy past, unclear memories, a story about which I can never be certain. Along with a legal divorce, I feel like I had to divorce most sentiment and emotion (positive, at least) from the events of our past. I'm not sure how to go forward and start over with someone new as if that never happened. 

As I stood in the shower, cleaning off the sweat and sawdust, I wondered if it's even possible. If I'm 'partner' material. At this point, I don't know. Ideally, it would be great to have someone who shares my interests and who can work with me, and me with him. I know it's possible in the abstract -- I saw it when I worked this summer with my dad. I can be part of a team when I'm treated with respect and not in a power struggle. I'm not a wallflower, I readily admit that, lol. But I've been beaten down to 'keep the peace' and I've fought over and over to get my voice heard. Both extremes are exhausting. 

I broke a personal record and watched 3 movies this weekend (thank you, Redbox codes!). It would have been so nice to share that with someone. Heck, it would have been nice to share the shower with someone, too, who am I kidding, lol?  But it was also _extremely_ peaceful to walk out of that shower and not feel shame and worry about how I compared next to whoever Chinless was crushing on at the time, or how I compared to someone's most recent partner. I'm just not sure about things, even after all this time. I know it's more on my mind due to them being 'home' in MN this weekend, and to recent things I mentioned previously. 

But, still, I'm moving ahead, and looking forward to cooler weather approaching and getting more done. And my little weekend away at the lake, dancing. That will be a lovely, lovely break. :smthumbup: I can.not wait!!


----------



## catcalls

angelpixie said:


> As I mentioned, DS is with the Glitter Twins, going to MN to have Trampire make the big debut to Ex's family. It's the longest stretch of days that I've ever gone without seeing DS. I'll be trying to come up with things to fill my time, but we had a lot of great times together lately, so it makes me miss him that much more. It didn't help at all that he accidentally referred to them as 'Mom and Dad' when he talked to me on the phone last night. He caught it right away, but I know it's because, for all practical purposes, that's how he sees them. A 'parental unit'. Sigh. Part of me still has a bit of hurt over being thrown away and replaced as if I was just disposable in the eyes of Chinless and his family. But most of me just feels numb. The hurt doesn't do anything for me, so I don't dwell on it. I am trying to focus on the fact that DS will get to see his grandparents, his aunts and cousins, and Chinless is even letting him have a dinner with my dad and brother while he's there, too.
> 
> The Glitter Twins continue to treat me personally with cold contempt. We toured DS' new school last Friday (yes, she was there, too), and even though I'm the parent who lives in the district, receives the mail, etc., and DS kept walking with and standing with me, the principal kept deferring to the two of them as DS' parents, trying to figure out how to arrange things since they won't be back from the trip til late the night before school starts. I kept nicely asserting, that I was not leaving town, and could easily be contacted and, indeed, would be in touch with him late this week. Yet, I think the pair of them just seemed more authoritative to him than singular me. Sigh. It is what it is. Only 8 more years til graduation.


Next time it happens, tell DS calmly that you dont like him calling her mom. It is good to have your expectations stated clearly. It is not manipulation, just clear stating of your wishes. Anytime anything bothers you which clearly relates to you, you should tell your son how you feel. he is at an age where he can understand and by *****footing around the issue or being less than forthright, you might make it more awkward. 

as for the principal, you should have constantly interrupted him and asked questions so that he looks at you and talks to you. it might come across as a bit desperate or confrontational, but you are marking your patch, it is your son and you will not be slinking away. if he turns away from you, go and stand in front of him and make eye contact and keep the conversation active for you. tell the principal, that trampire is not his parent and you are and you would appreciate it if he can address appropriately. sometimes you just have to barge in and take your patch and when it comes to your son, no one better stand in your way. this is war and being aggressive is helpful or they will keep pushing the boundaries, who cares what chinless and tramp think.


----------



## angelpixie

You have a good point, CC. This is a new school, and it might not hurt for me to start things off being firm. According to our parenting agreement, only Chinless and I can make decisions for DS. She can be listed as an emergency contact and obviously I can't stop her from picking him up after school, as that's for Chinless to decide on his days. But I *can* tell him that I don't want her just plopping her ass in DS class to observe him all day like she did last year. I found that out after the fact, and never would have allowed it. I want to be notified if that kind of crap is attempted again. Even after they are married, it's not her legal place. 

I hate to drag school officials into our divorce agreements, and I know they don't like it, either, but I was not happy with how the other school handled it, and I want to nip that before it starts here.

Thanks, CC.


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## vi_bride04

Put up your boundaries now.....he will constantly be trying to push them further and further back anyways so make sure you define a pretty solid line before much more time passes into the new school year. 

If anything, sit them both down and tell them flat out how its going to be. If you just talk to Chinless it will get minimized when the message is passed onto her.....oh that and I'm sure he would make it sound like you are being a catty, jealous ex!

I am really not liking people lately. Such selfish aholes out there!!!


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## Paradise

Schools know that they can only allow legal guardians access to anything. For example, if trampire is not listed as a legal guardian it is against the law for school's to disclose any information regarding your son directly to her without chinless being there. The fact that she was dropping by school to check up on anything and the school allowing this could result in a lawsuit. 

I know you don't want to do something like that but I would make darn certain that the school knows that only you and chinless have full access to any records provided by the school. Take her out of the damn equation.


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## angelpixie

Thanks, Paradise. That's rather what I suspected. I feel a lot of trepidation about exactly how much I should say to the principal. Do I bring up the homeschool thing from last year as an example of how they like to take their little ideas and run with them? I will definitely mention her sitting in on DS' class and how I was not informed until after the fact (and only by DS, btw). She did not give me permission to go into the house to get DS' sax so that he'd have it on the first day of school. I spoke to DS on the phone tonight, and since I didn't receive a reply to my text to Chinless regarding it, I asked DS to ask him right then and there. I could hear her in the background only, vehemently saying no. I was not tense, but DS got a little tense being the go-between and ended up blurting it to me "Trampire doesn't want you in the house." I just laughed and told him not to be worried about it; that I'd made sure it would be OK with his principal if I couldn't get the instrument for him. But it shows what _ her _ priorities are. Keeping me out of the house was more important than making sure DS has what he needs on his first day in a new school. 

And DS did get to have a nice 2 hour dinner with my dad and brother. 

Myself, I enjoyed a free performance of Shakespeare in the Park on the campus oval this evening, a glorious sunset (courtesy of smoke particles in the air, oddly enough), and ice cream afterwards. Tomorrow night is my last night solo for a while, so I might watch the second play on offer. They're due back sometime around midnight.

Then the new school year starts roughly 7 hours later. Oh, boy.


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## jpr

yeah....that makes my blood boil that Trampire was allowed to sit in on your son's class. There is no way that should have been allowed.

Wow. And the saxophone thing!! Jeez! 

I hate them.


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## Ikaika

Trampire, is trying to be pseudo-mom, how cute  Not to worry, he is still young and soon, probably very soon he will see through the facade. Real moms (at least most) are the best and for that there is simply no replacement.


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## angelpixie

I think it's just as important (if not more so) for her to be 'mistress' of the manor.


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## angelpixie

My sweetie is home.  and he just fell asleep in the car before they got here, lol, so he was groggy and a little emotional about the end of his trip, the end of summer, and 'the reward for coming back home is going to a freedom-less pile of bricks.' Gee, I wonder where he gets his touch of the dramatic from.   

But, I'm so glad to have him back. 

Chinless had to sign a couple forms for me to take in tomorrow, and while he was standing there signing them, totally by coincidence, this song came up on my YouTube mix. It has a special meaning for me, and made me feel good that he had to hear it. I don't know if he was really paying attention, but I'll pretend he did. 

The The - December Sunlight (Cried Out) - YouTube


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> ...'the reward for coming back home is going to a freedom-less pile of bricks.' Gee, I wonder where he gets his touch of the dramatic from.


Oh, the melodrama!


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## angelpixie

LOL -- that was awesome, Pbar!! :rofl:


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## angelpixie

Verdict on first day of school? "AWESOME!!"   
Son-of-contra-friend (who is also DS' good friend) is in his homeroom, which is an incredible stroke of luck. Glitter Twins brought the sax when they picked him up from school and did our trade. Trampire washed all the clothes I gave them for the trip (highly-scented detergent, so I'll have to rewash, but the thought was nice). Ex asked for my spare set of keys to the Outback, which I frankly forgot I still had. I thought he'd also ask for the keys to the other house, esp after the sax-capade, but he didn't.  Whatever. He doesn't have keys to my new place -- he hasn't asked for them, and I haven't offered.

Soooooo glad that DS liked his first day. Relieved. I knew that a bad first day would be difficult to recover from. He found the package of mustaches I got for him (to go with his monocle) and was thrilled, lol. "More gentlemanness!" :rofl:

I hope I can calm down. I think it's my meds, though I've cut back on the prednisone. My heart has been racing all day, and I feel like I'm going to fly into orbit at any minute. OTOH, I could fall asleep if I sit in one place too long. And my neck keeps getting stiff. I'd love a neck/back-rub. Oh well, I'll settle for a hot bath later. It's just very weird. Maybe just a combo of the med and stress, dunno.

Sigh. OK. off to make the (by request) Back-to-School dinner of macaroni and cheese with broccoli. 

And what's the deal with this? The second 'near country' song I've added to my YouTube playlist? What's wrong with me?









For some reason, it just makes me feel really happy when I hear it. Just a sweet song.

Billy Bragg & Wilco - California Stars (High Quality) - YouTube


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## vi_bride04

Angel, get looked at dear, ER if you have to.......

I mean posting country songs...??!!! This world is going crazy


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## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> Angel, get looked at dear, ER if you have to.......
> 
> I mean posting country songs...??!!! This world is going crazy


I know!!! And it doesn't even make sense! How can you lay on a bed of stars? Being under a blanket of stars I understand. Same with a canopy of stars. I mean :wtf:, Woody Guthrie?! 



:rofl:


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## angelpixie

angelpixie said:


> Ex asked for my spare set of keys to the Outback, which I frankly forgot I still had. I thought he'd also ask for the keys to the other house, esp after the sax-capade, but he didn't.  Whatever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxzMbAMO73k


I spoke too soon. In texting today to set up the after-school switch, he not only asked for the car key, but also his house keys. Luckily, I anticipated this, and luckily, I live very near to a hardware store.  

Lest anyone think I shouldn't have keys to his house, I do so with clear conscience, since DS called me a few months ago, after they left him home alone, with no way to reach them, and they were gone longer than they said they'd be. It turned out fine, but _I_ want to know I'd be able to get in the house in an emergency - if he couldn't get to the door for some reason. If they can't handle that, they can KMA.


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## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> Verdict on first day of school? "AWESOME!!"
> For some reason, it just makes me feel really happy when I hear it. Just a sweet song.
> 
> Billy Bragg & Wilco - *California Stars* (High Quality) - YouTube





angelpixie said:


> I know!!! And it doesn't even make sense! *How can you lay on a bed of stars?* Being under a blanket of stars I understand. Same with a canopy of stars. I mean :wtf:, Woody Guthrie?!
> :rofl:


*The 'stars' are different in California*


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## Ikaika

You know OldGirl, if this weren't Angel's site (way too much respect for Angel), I would have to pull out all stops. You know where I would have to go with that. 

Seems to me there is some serious insecurity issue going on with ex and trampire.


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## angelpixie

OldGirl said:


> *The 'stars' are different in California*


OMG -- It all suddenly makes sense now!!! :smthumbup: And in a very nice way, too.  I don't think I'll ever hear that song quite the same way again. :rofl:


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## CEL

angelpixie said:


> I spoke too soon. In texting today to set up the after-school switch, he not only asked for the car key, but also his house keys. Luckily, I anticipated this, and luckily, I live very near to a hardware store.
> 
> Lest anyone think I shouldn't have keys to his house, I do so with clear conscience, since DS called me a few months ago, after they left him home alone, with no way to reach them, and they were gone longer than they said they'd be. It turned out fine, but _I_ want to know I'd be able to get in the house in an emergency - if he couldn't get to the door for some reason. If they can't handle that, they can KMA.


You are so much nicer than me I would of said oh I will look for them and kept the creep dangling in the wind. With maybe a well I did lose some keys a while ago at a party but they all seemed to be there even if they felt kinda light......


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## angelpixie

You joke, but he actually lost not one, but 2 keys to my rental. Asswipe.


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## catcalls

angelpixie said:


> Verdict on first day of school? "AWESOME!!"
> Son-of-contra-friend (who is also DS' good friend) is in his homeroom, which is an incredible stroke of luck. Glitter Twins brought the sax when they picked him up from school and did our trade. Trampire washed all the clothes I gave them for the trip (highly-scented detergent, so I'll have to rewash, but the thought was nice). Ex asked for my spare set of keys to the Outback, which I frankly forgot I still had. I thought he'd also ask for the keys to the other house, esp after the sax-capade, but he didn't.  Whatever. He doesn't have keys to my new place -- he hasn't asked for them, and I haven't offered.
> 
> Soooooo glad that DS liked his first day. Relieved. I knew that a bad first day would be difficult to recover from. He found the package of mustaches I got for him (to go with his monocle) and was thrilled, lol. "More gentlemanness!" :rofl:
> 
> I hope I can calm down. I think it's my meds, though I've cut back on the prednisone. My heart has been racing all day, and I feel like I'm going to fly into orbit at any minute. OTOH, I could fall asleep if I sit in one place too long. And my neck keeps getting stiff. I'd love a neck/back-rub. Oh well, I'll settle for a hot bath later. It's just very weird. Maybe just a combo of the med and stress, dunno.
> 
> Sigh. OK. off to make the (by request) Back-to-School dinner of macaroni and cheese with broccoli.
> 
> And what's the deal with this? The second 'near country' song I've added to my YouTube playlist? What's wrong with me?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> For some reason, it just makes me feel really happy when I hear it. Just a sweet song.
> 
> Billy Bragg & Wilco - California Stars (High Quality) - YouTube


perhaps you should try and budget for a good massage. might do you the world of good. some nice therapeutic touching and kneading will ease out the pain. alternatively, get DS to massage your neck. he can manage a few minutes for his dear mom


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## angelpixie

He actually does try, lol. Hasn't quite figured it out, but at least it's better than when he was a lot younger and he used to just pat me on the head like a puppy when I was sick. :rofl:


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## CEL

I just noticed the link to Billy Bragg and Wilco I have their CD but my favorite song is Way Over Yonder in a Minor Key Way Over Yonder In The Minor Key - Billy Bragg & Wilco - YouTube

Favorite part "hard for me to see how one little boy got so ugly. yes my girly that may but there ain't nobody that can sign like me." They have such a sweet harmony. And hell us ugly men have to stick together.


----------



## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> I hope I can calm down. I think it's my meds, though I've cut back on the prednisone. My heart has been racing all day, and I feel like I'm going to fly into orbit at any minute. OTOH, I could fall asleep if I sit in one place too long. *And my neck keeps getting stiff.* I'd love a neck/back-rub. Oh well, I'll settle for a hot bath later. It's just very weird. Maybe just a combo of the med and stress, dunno.


Just real quick.... That sounds like a stress/tension neck ache to me. I know I get these all the time and in the past I've missed school and work due to my neck completely locking up in my sleep to the left or right. It's just where I carry all my tension and always have. 

Believe it or not a little caffeine does help, and quitting caffeine or any stimulants abruptly makes it worse. If you can learn to pop your neck it will help too, and so will regular stretching of your neck and traps. And be careful with overloading your purse or shoulder bag.

Other than that I'm glad to see you're doing good and your son is happy with his firstweek of school. Take care Angel.


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## angelpixie

Had a good weekend, though not terribly productive. I'd wanted to get so much done. 

But I did have a great outing with DS on Sunday. I didn't know until he got back from MN that he'd been wanting to go to a town in the southern part of our state that's a preserved Gold Rush-type place. Of course, being Labor Day weekend, it was kind of our last chance, and we wouldn't have the chance to do it all. But now that I have a car that can make the trip, I thought, Why not?

It's about 3 hours each way, but a beautiful drive. The town has a little theater group who produces plays either from the 1800s or in that style. This time they were doing an adaptation of Shelley's Frankenstein, so I thought that would be fun to see. It was, though there were about a dozen people who brought toddlers to early-grade-school aged kids. Yes they adapted it so families could see it, but it's _still_ Frankenstein, for crying out loud. And coincidentally, a lot of the kids did just that.  

We had a great time and definitely want to go back next year and spend more time. I'm glad I took the chance and just went. 

Showing that DS has, in fact, inherited his parents' somewhat dark senses of humor, he snapped this photo in honor of my upcoming dental procedure: 

School continues to go well, though DS has lost his band book. It's somewhere at Chinless' and nobody seems all that motivated to find it. I'll bet I could find all kinds of lost things if I could go over there and go through his room. But I can't. When they went on their trip, Chinless asked to 'borrow' some shorts, t-shirts and underwear for DS to take. Yesterday, DS asked to take some of his clothes over to his dad's. He doesn't pack a bag when he transfers, so basically, the things he has here are, for the most part, things I've purchased for him. He said he has no clothes at his dad's. Usually, I would have taken pity and packed a few things. I can spare them. But I'm tired of it. So, I told DS he needs to tell his dad to buy him some clothes. I've purchased the winter coat, boots, shoes (except for one pair that fell apart quickly), clothes, hats, gloves, snowpants, etc. for the last two winters. We both get the same amount per month to use towards DS' care. I also have to pay for camps in the summer. Chinless does not. 

DS started to get angry and said he shouldn't even have to ask me, because they're 'his' clothes. It's a tough line to walk, because I know that if he talks about it with his dad, it's very possible (read: likely) that I will be judged to be a money-grubbing b!tch. But I want DS to understand that I have a budget, and I have had to learn to live within it. His father has just as much money as I do, and he should have to do the same. I need to make sure that DS has the school clothes he needs when he's with me. I told him to go through his things and if he found things he got from his dad or his grandma, to take them with him. He came up with a pair of sweats he got from Trampire (which I hate, so good riddance) and 3 shirts, all but 1 of which were, in fact, purchased by me.  

I had to do this in the first place because stuff that got sent over there in the weekly transfer never came back. I'm not about to send more into the apparent black hole. 

***********

I spoke to my brother yesterday, and found out that things didn't actually go well when they had dinner with DS in MN. Chinless was, in fact, his usually charming passive-aggressive self with them, as well. Not returning calls or texts, and not even getting the final dinner time and place set up til an hour beforehand. They just decided not to say anything because there was nothing I could have done and I still have to deal with him. I feel terrible that they were treated like that. They've never come down on him or said anything to him about what went down between us, so there's no reason for him to treat them disrespectfully. Except that he's an entitled, selfish, immature, disordered fvcktard. Who doesn't have enough money to buy his son clothes, but has enough money to stay in one of the most expensive hotels in downtown Mpls. Granted, I know he's a fan of Priceline, et al, but still the deal wouldn't have been _that_ cheap. I don't want to have to bring that up to him, but if I have to, I will.

*************
While looking for a text file today at work, I found something I saved a long time ago. Oddly enough, the date on the file is the same date I joined TAM. Knowing how I felt at the time, I can imagine why it resonated with me so much:

...Learning to live with a person who neither loves nor respects you is merely learning how to die, how to walk around as a shell, how to deny how you feel, how to hate without showing it, how to weep without tears, how to declare that the sham you live is the true reality and that it is good. -- Jules Henry​
I'm so thankful to be out of that sham. It was far from good.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I know that sham and I, too, am glad to not be living it any longer.

My ex thinks I only want custody for monetary purposes and said that according to the chart, based on his contributions that kiddo should get about 1300 a month between us. His closed mind sees that as personal items. Uh, what about her 30 minute long showers that use water and gas? Or the power for the lights she leaves on in every room? Or the 3 meals and snacks I provide all but 4 days a month? Or her bedroom and bath that I wouldn't need if it weren't for her? I did all of the math and I spend OVER $1300 a month. I'm sure DS is well cared for with your $ and Chinless should provide the same.

Sorry he was an azz to your brother but they already knew how he was. Your son was worth the inconvenience to them and that's nice.


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## Ikaika

Hmmm, wonder what kind of clothes he wears? Next time you see him you can look right at him and see "gee, nice clothes" then look at your son. I am sure it will be lost on the Ex, but at least DS will begin to see how his dad may prioritize basic needs.


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## angelpixie

Just to clarify, I do acknowledge that Chinless is providing food and shelter for DS for half the month.


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## angelpixie

D -- he has pretty much gotten a whole new hipster wardrobe. Which I know is not cheap. Has to keep up the the Trampire.


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## EnjoliWoman

I think you should take D's advice and add in a comment directed to DS: "DS, I bet you would look super cool in a shirt like that, too!' 

Ex tossed kiddo $100 for BTS shopping. I spent $400 but since his was in cash handed to her it had way more impact.


----------



## Chopsy

I know my SIL had this problem with the boys' father. Everytime the boys went to their dad's, they took a few clothes. Of course said clothes never reappeared back home. Same black hole. She said they had to tell their dad to buy them clothes to keep there. But dad is a total cheapskate when it comes to the kids, and ended up picking up clothes from a charity shop!!!!! Even now the boys never ask their dad for anything because he makes a total scene about how broke they are, but as teenagers now, they see the reality. his new wife flies back to American twice a year. But they can't afford to buy Christmas gifts! The boys usually get crappy things from charity shops for Christmas. But what's sad is that they make excuses for him, oh he's skint (ie broke), but recently the older boy came across a bank book of his dads and turns out he is loaded! 

Anyway a few clothes trickled back but not many. She eventually laid into the boys and said they had to bring back what they took or else they would lose priveleges. I know, seems mean, but when you're a single mother and clothes keep disappearing, you can't afford to buy a whole new wardrobe again! The boys did dig around at their dads and did manage to take back some things. It's like her ex just kept hiding their clothes every time they came over! I do believe they eventually found some in the loft! Like who put those there! I'll bet there's loads up there still!  

meanwhile the ex doesn't deprive himself of anything, as usual. same as my stbx. Even now as teenagers, they go over and no food in the house and they go out and spend their allowance on sausages and eggs and bread and cook for themselves!!!!!! The ex cooks for his new wife, who does absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing. Literally, and yes I mean literally for real, stays in bed all day, every day. She orders the boys around to do cleaning and bring her food- she is the biggest person I have ever seen. She's American, no offence to anyone here but she is HUGE. and does nothing. So the boys go for a weekend and spend all of it cleaning and running around for her, bringing her food cos she's too lazy to get up and do it herself ffs! Ex cooks but seems to be tins of beans in a stew type thing, nothing the boys will eat. Also I think they eat very late sunday night after the boys leave so they don't have to feed them. Not that they do. so when they get home to their Mum's, theyre starving, saying they've hardly eaten all weekend!!!! Infuritates me. and her too, obviously!! He is the meanest sob ever. She pays for the train there and he makes a massive scene about paying the train back! Tried to get me to come and get them one time! No chance mate!

It's sad because the eldest seems to adore his dad. And all these years his dad has done nothing for him. NOTHING! It's like the less he did over all these years, the more the eldest couldn't get enough of him. The younger has now seen through him and his new wife and rarely goes over there, just to see friends now and then. Sad business.


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## soca70

angelpixie said:


> D -- he has pretty much gotten a whole new hipster wardrobe. Which I know is not cheap. Has to keep up the the Trampire.


I know someone who enjoys the shopping in Chicago. Maybe we can arrange something...


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## Pbartender

soca70 said:


> I know someone who enjoys the shopping in Chicago. Maybe we can arrange something...


I will take no responsibility for the results, should you happen to send them over into my neck of the woods...


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## angelpixie

soca70 said:


> I know someone who enjoys the shopping in Chicago. Maybe we can arrange something...


Can we arrange them 'accidentally' getting hit by the L when they're there, too?


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## angelpixie

Short but sweet update:

Chinless is still a douchecanoe. issed:

DS is still feeling good about school, and aside from a few hiccups regarding a lost band book and fencing jacket, is settling into a routine. Started fencing lessons again yesterday. 

Made my wisdom teeth appointment for Friday the 13th. That's bound to go well. :rofl: Have had multiple friends (even my boss ) offer me rides home from the dentist, so that was sweet. Still no pain. 

And in a few hours, I'm leaving for my contra weekend!! :woohoo:







Ooops, wrong kind of swing. Let's try this one instead :







Not quite... 

Definitely not this:









Hmmm...


Have a great weekend, everybody!! :smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

Had a fantastic time at contra camp, in spite of myself, lol. I'd intended to take a dish up for the pot luck Friday evening. I'd intended to take shorts and swim stuff, as I knew we'd have access to the canoes, kayaks, etc., owned by the camp. But I wasn't on my game and was part of the way through making my mango black bean salsa before I realized that I didn't, in fact, have black beans in my pantry. I was running too late to go back to the store. The weather was predicted to be lousy, so decided not to pack the play clothes, either.

So, no pot luck, and made it up there with just enough time to choose a cabin/bunk, unload my car and change into my dance dress before the Friday night dance started. It wasn't rainy, but very warm and humid with no breeze at all. Ninety dancers crowded into the room for 3 hours. It was like that most of the weekend, too. Sure could have used some time in a kayak or in the lake, lol.  Scenery was gorgeous, though all the pine did affect my allergies a tad. No smoke however! :smthumbup:

Two different bands and two different callers with rather contrasting styles. I had a definite favorite -- the less old-timey band. Stuff we don't usually dance to, like more of a blues-swing feel, for example. And they'd throw these unexpected riffs in the middle of a song that would make everyone get these quizzical looks on their faces: "What IS that -- I know I've heard that..." Oh yeah, it's Cocaine by Eric Clapton. :rofl: Also making appearances were the bass riff from Owner of a Lonely Heart and part of the piano chord progression from Let It Be. I love stuff like that. It keeps it all fresh and gives everyone a good laugh. 

Since there were a few more women than men, sometimes a woman would dance the guy part. During one of those bluesy numbers the dance we did had lots of opportunities for couples to vamp it up, which everyone did in quite hilarious fashion. In fact, I found myself dancing with a prof from here (female) and she was _so_ silly in her guy role that one of the guys from my town (who's known her for years and years) was laughing hysterically and asking me what she was on, lol. So, yeah, same sex Dirty Contra.  :rofl: All in all, I figure I danced about 15 hours from Friday night through noon on Sunday. A couple co-workers even said I looked thinner today.  

I met some really nice people and got to know some of the folks in my local group a little better. I also heard about a couple of additional dance weekends that I might be able to attend in the next several months. I had felt guilty that I went without DS, but it was a wise decision. This was meant to be for serious dancers only, and I would have spent most of my time making sure he was occupied. Luckily, he wasn't upset when I told him where I was going. There were still plenty of times when I felt pretty isolated and unsure of how to go about 'getting in there' and talking to people I didn't know. I just have to remember it takes practice, and not to give up.

I got to see him for dinner after I got back to town. In an odd moment, I was on my way to pick him up and I got a text from Chinless. "Will you be home soon?" Of course, he was asking if I'd be at MY home, but for just a brief moment, I forgot and thought he was asking if I'd be at 'our' home soon. As if none of this had ever happened, and I was going to be having supper with him and DS. So strange how even after all this time, those things play tricks on the mind. I wonder when that will stop for good. Luckily it didn't hit me on an emotional level at all. Just more of an intellectual kind of "Huh, that was interesting." Which is a totally good thing.

So, in all, a really, really great weekend and I'm totally glad I took the chance and went up there.


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## Ikaika

Sounds like fun... A real test and possibly a good ad (underarm deodorant) setting for 90 sweaty dancers in a humid dance hall 

Happy that you are having what sounds like a great time.


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## OldGirl

Sounds great, Angel. You're such a wonderful writer. I really enjoyed reading your description of contra camp. I'm glad you had fun


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## Ikaika

OldGirl said:


> Sounds great, Angel. You're such a wonderful writer. I really enjoyed reading your description of contra camp. I'm glad you had fun


I told her at one time she should think about finding a publisher. She won't listen to me OldGirl, maybe you can convince her.


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## vi_bride04

You make me want to go out and do some dirty dancing of my own!! 

Glad you had a great time.


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## muskrat

Glad to see you are doing well and out having fun!


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## Lifescript

Glad to see you are having fun.


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## angelpixie

What a day, lol! I thought this would be a good time for an update. 

First of all, wisdom teeth removal went remarkably well, pain-wise. One of the teeth broke, and it took some work to get the root, which was close to the sinus we're worried about, but he got it all. :smthumbup: If I hadn't already turned in my timecard for the week and been unable to amend it, I probably would have gone back to work! No swelling, no bruising, didn't take so much as an Aleve once the shots wore off, except for a lortab at bedtime (was afraid it might act up while I was sleeping). The pill actually seemed to keep me awake, lol, and I never had pain worth worrying about. I wonder if it was just that the pain I had been having was SO bad that this just seemed kind of ho-hum, lol. My IC brought up the idea of wearing headphones and listening to music during the procedure, and I _highly_ recommend that. 

Today, when I was leaving work to pick DS up from Ex's, it came to mind that for months now, I have been really relaxed for the most part when I deal with Ex and Trampire. I smile, even when one or both of them are pissy or condescending. I just don't let it bother me, and it doesn't look to them like it bothers me. Quite a change from the past. By contrast, this man, who basically got everything he asked for when he left, cannot just let it go and still has to hold a grudge against me. Why is that? He got his wish to not be married to me. He got his wish to be with another woman. He has a home, the better car, his business, still on disability (and, I recently found out, food stamps as well, plus who knows what other benefits). He hangs out with friends, goes on trips, entertains...alllll those things that were sooo important to him. And he _still_ can't stop being angry around me. Why is that? 

I got to Ex's and DS and I were getting his school stuff out of Ex's car. He came outside with us, and I thought it was so that we could chat about the fundraiser DS has to do for band. That wasn't it. I was ready to go, and he asked DS to get in the car, and then asked to see me in the house. Contrary to every other situation in the past, I did not feel nervous this time. I _knew_ there was nothing I had done that should make him mad at me. That wasn't it. See, our property settlement is almost completely finished. All he owes me is a final payment of $825. Since the QDRO payout was more than we thought he could have made the payment _he_ scheduled for July and been all done then. But he chose instead to let the extra payment cover July and skipped it. Today, he asked if, instead of giving me cash, he could buy me something I needed, that he could also deduct as a business expense. Like, for example, a computer or a camera lens. Darn, I just bought a computer in May. And I don't need a camera lens. I told him that the main expenses I was putting off were repairs on the Subi and a new furnace for my house, neither of which would fit for his business deductions. (In the background, Trampire is arranging and rearranging the sofa cushions multiple times, then finally just sits there primly and with a stone face. Ex keeps glancing back at her periodically) I told him that if anything came to mind, I'd let him know, but I really didn't think anything would. He, smiling all this time, said that in that case, 'they' would have to borrow the money and wouldn't be able to get it to me til November. I just nodded. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to show sympathy? He's the one who created the payment schedule. He hasn't paid me anything out of his own pocket since the beginning of March. So, by the end of November, he will have had about 9 months to set aside $825. And this was his busiest time of the year -- wedding season. If he can't come up with it now, then it looks like he and the Trampire have some tough times ahead of them. I felt extremely guilty, but after everything of the last few years, I couldn't stop smiling all the way home. He'll never admit to me or anyone else that I did, indeed, do a good job with our household finances, but I hope that he has to admit it to himself, at least. 
______________

Another reason to love the modern library: I had to take DS up after supper to get a book for a class project, and lo and behold, I found out our library checks out OBDII code readers!! I borrowed one for a week, so hopefully, I'll be able to see if more is wrong with the Subi than just a dirty filter. I think that is awesome!! They also had a sign up that they circulate life vests for river tubers. In the immortal words of Jake Blues "This place has got everything." 
______________

But some unexpected sad news. My contra friend has had emergency abdominal surgery, and cancer might be involved. She had a 2nd surgery due to complications from the first. Our contra group has gotten together and is making meals for her, and next week when she gets her boys back, I'll be having her youngest stay with DS and me after school each day til bedtime. I think it was just great the way the contra folks just jumped in there and got organized. A really nice group of people. But I have to say, that poor woman has the worst luck of almost anyone I know.


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## Ikaika

First, Angel, I am so sorry to hear about your friend, I send you and her my deepest Aloha. I wish her the best. Please take care

Oh poor ex and trampire  Geez, what a piece of work. I would suggest you ask if you could come over and start pricing his things for a big garage sale at his house.


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## EnjoliWoman

Glad to hear the surgery went well and relatively painless! 

Poor baby didn't have the money. Sounds like my ex. Late on child support but found money to buy a boat. I'm glad you are more relaxed around him and feeling confident. I always say "living well is the best revenge" and you are demonstrating that!


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> See, our property settlement is almost completely finished. All he owes me is a final payment of $825. Since the QDRO payout was more than we thought he could have made the payment _he_ scheduled for July and been all done then. But he chose instead to let the extra payment cover July and skipped it. Today, he asked if, instead of giving me cash, he could buy me something I needed, that he could also deduct as a business expense. Like, for example, a computer or a camera lens. Darn, I just bought a computer in May. And I don't need a camera lens. I told him that the main expenses I was putting off were repairs on the Subi and a new furnace for my house, neither of which would fit for his business deductions. (In the background, Trampire is arranging and rearranging the sofa cushions multiple times, then finally just sits there primly and with a stone face. Ex keeps glancing back at her periodically) I told him that if anything came to mind, I'd let him know, but I really didn't think anything would. He, smiling all this time, said that in that case, 'they' would have to borrow the money and wouldn't be able to get it to me til November. I just nodded. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to show sympathy? He's the one who created the payment schedule. He hasn't paid me anything out of his own pocket since the beginning of March. So, by the end of November, he will have had about 9 months to set aside $825. And this was his busiest time of the year -- wedding season. If he can't come up with it now, then it looks like he and the Trampire have some tough times ahead of them. I felt extremely guilty, but after everything of the last few years, I couldn't stop smiling all the way home. He'll never admit to me or anyone else that I did, indeed, do a good job with our household finances, but I hope that he has to admit it to himself, at least.


Déjà vu.


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## BWBill

He obviously has the cash because he can "buy you something you need". He just wants to run it through the business to get a fraudulent tax benefit.

Fact is, he doesn't want to pay you (or he's under pressure not to pay you)(or both).

I'm sure we all know people who constantly cry poverty, but live quite well. I think you need to get used to hearing it from your ex.


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## Pbartender

BWBill said:


> He obviously has the cash because he can "buy you something you need". He just wants to run it through the business to get a fraudulent tax benefit.
> 
> Fact is, he doesn't want to pay you (or he's under pressure not to pay you)(or both).


What are the odds that he already bought a computer and/or a camera lens that he can't afford, that he can't return, and that Trampire wants him to get rid of?


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## angelpixie

Actually, I realized what it is. He's in a gov't program to help his business get started so he can get off disability. He gets a certain extra amount per month that _has_ to be used for his business ONLY. THAT is where the money to buy the computer, lens, whatever, would come from. You and me, the taxpayer. Not from his own pocket. And he'd get the deduction, to boot. 

Always gaming the system, whatever system he's a part of at any particular time.


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## vi_bride04

.....fvck that loser!!!! I hate people that do that!!! I don't work full time to pay for their easy fvcking life!!!!!



Oh wait, I guess I do. Thanks gubment! :smthumbup:


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## TBT

Putting on the Ritz(not the song) often comes to mind when you mention your ex angel.I wonder if he sees any facade when he looks in the mirror?

Anyway,more importantly,it is sad when friends or people you like are suffering and I hope your friend will pull through this hard time.Your Contra friends sound like a great bunch,and that makes me happy for you as well.


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## Pbartender

TBT said:


> Putting on the Ritz(not the song) often comes to mind when you mention your ex angel.I wonder if he sees any facade when he looks in the mirror?


"For God's sake, come on! Are you trying to make me look like a fool?"


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## vi_bride04

OMG they would totally wear matching outfits like that too!!!!!!!


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## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> OMG they would totally wear matching outfits like that too!!!!!!!



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> OMG they would totally wear matching outfits like that too!!!!!!!



The question is: Which one in the video represents Chinless and which one represents the Trampire?


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## vi_bride04

angelpixie said:


> The question is: Which one in the video represents Chinless and which one represents the Trampire?


Man! Why you gotta throw a brain teaser like this out there? 

Let me watch the video a few times before making my final decision


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## TBT

angelpixie said:


> The question is: Which one in the video represents Chinless and which one represents the Trampire?


First you have to decide which of Chinless or Trampire has the abnormal brain,but then again that just might deepen the quandry.


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## vi_bride04

Who's the manlier one? B/c thats Trampire. 

I mean she is more of a man than him since she has his balls


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## Ikaika

I was thinking if he wants to buy you something to get a tax write off, he needs to rewrite his business plan and draft a contract to make you a silent partner in his business. Just tell him your cut of the profits from being the silent partner is 25%.


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## angelpixie

Wow, what a week for dealing with Chinless and Trampire. Haven't had one like this for a while. 

First there was the exchange I detailed above : "If you don't take us up on our _generous_ offer to _buy_ you something you need and let us take the tax deduction we will be forced to _borrow_ the money and _pay_ interest, all because of _you_ Evil Ex-wife."









Well, that wasn't all. Tuesday night, as always, DS and I went to our group at the Y. DS' fencing lessons changed to Tue-Thurs, and end right when the group dinner starts. So we got there after people were already seated and eating. While I was in line, I heard my friends saying things like "Wow, did he ever trade down!" "What a loser, even [one of their douchey exes] was nicer and friendlier than he was!" "We'll have to tell her when she gets here." Yes, folks, the 'she' they were referring to was Yours Truly. At the birthday party this Saturday past, one of the ladies picked DS and took him with her kids, and Chinless was picking him up from the party because he was supposed to have him on Saturday. I don't know why at this point, but I didn't even consider that he AND Trampire would be picking DS up. So my friends got to meet them both.
Apparently, Trampire stood on the side, ramrod straight, primly holding her handbag in two hands in front of her, silently looking down her nose at everyone. Chinless was making a little small talk, but was not at all friendly. I didn't realize this, but the douchey ex mentioned above is also a photographer, with a degree in photography. And also shoots weddings, though he only did 2 this year. Trying to make conversation, he jokes about some snafu that happened at one of them, and Trampire breaks her silence to say "Well, that's what happens when it's organized by an amateur."








I opened my mouth to respond to my friends, but literally my jaws moved but no sound could come out. Like a fish, lol. I was so sorry for how they were treated, and embarrassed that I was ever married to someone who could be like that. (He wasn't always that way, by the way. People used to like him, lol) My friends assumed she was from somewhere else and thought she was better than the folks out here. Nope. She was born and raised right here in this town. In their uppityness, however, they let slip the very useful information that they did 12 weddings this year. The money they would have made, along with his disability payments should have easily covered my $825. 

They did verify that she looks very unhappy, if not downright angry. Reality of Life With Chinless is finally sinking in, maybe? 

Fast forward to today. Chinless' birthday. Like I said I wouldn't do, I helped DS order him a birthday present a few days ago. I thought Trampire would, but DS said she never even brought up his birthday. Certainly not the days-long affair (ahem) that Chinless put together for her in February. The present isn't due here til next Monday, but, oh well. 

So I was happy that I didn't think I'd have to even have contact with Chinless today, and be put in that awkward position of *not* wishing him a Happy Birthday. I'd pick DS up from school, then take him to fencing, from which he'd be picked up by Chinless. Wellllll, no. DS was not waiting outside for me after school (always causes the heart to stop a little). I texted Chinless to see if he picked him up and didn't tell me, but, No, he wouldn't do that, would he? No response. I went in the school, where they had no record of him signing out early, though a 2nd secretary did eventually overhear and say that 'someone' dropped off a note signed by Chinless saying they'd pick DS up early. Nobody signed him out (which made them unhappy), but we figured that's what happened. I leave work early on these days when I pick DS up, even earlier on Thursdays when they have 'early out.' A half hour after my text, DS calls. Not Chinless, but DS. I expressed that I thought it was rude that I was not told that I didn't need to pick him up, and that DS and the two of them needed to sign out. DS got defensive, but I told him I deserved the respect of him listening to me. He apologized. I'm pretty sure I was on speakerphone. I didn't yell or swear or anything, but anyone listening would have had no doubt of my state of mind. Still no response from the 'adults'. 

Judging how Chinless used to act and how he is continually changing for the worse, I have come to the conclusion that I was married to Benjamin Button. He started out polite, with great manners, able to interact with adults. He gets less mature and less able to follow adult rules the older he gets.


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## Ikaika

I can only say wow. This has to be made into a TV show (not at your expense), but just wow. 

I am happy that DS is still able to do his fencing, awesome. If for some reason ex does not come through there, I believe we can all pass the hat. Don't want that little guy to suffer just because of him.


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## angelpixie

Thanks, D. After asking Chinless (and not getting answered issed I finally got out of him that he'll be photographing the fencing club again, so DS will continue to get lessons in exchange. So, that's good news.


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## angelpixie

In spite of all of the crap this week, I'm not letting it get me down. Things are still looking good for me. (and maybe that's why he's treating me worse, who knows?)

One of my projects is to decoupage Anne Taintor images onto the cheap little nightstand I bought. Since it won't be where DS will see it, I'm going to use some of the more racy or snarky ones. Here's one I'm definitely using after this week, just 'cause I can  :










Muahahahahaha :FIREdevil:


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## EnjoliWoman

You may have to rethink the visitation arrangement or remove her from the pick-up list if she doesn't properly sign him out. You can certainly tell the school that she isn't allowed to pick him up early.

Sorry it was a bit sucky but you did avoid the birthday wishes!


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## angelpixie

The final 'encounter' of the evening last night occurred when I called to tell DS goodnight. He was telling me about the fun they had on their little trip during the day. They went to a small town about an hour away, one purpose being to tour a historic old mansion. I thought it was an odd choice for Chinless' birthday. Then DS, chatting happily on, mentioned they couldn't tour the whole thing, "just the part where Dad and Trampire are going to be married." As soon as he said it, there was a break-out of laughter behind him, as if the people gathered there for Chinless' birthday heard him say it, and thought it was funny that I got to hear it. Odd that they are renting a mansion for their wedding when Chinless can't afford to pay off his D agreement first, isn't it? :scratchhead: 

It did knock me down a bit after that. I just don't have other people in my life who are like that, who take some perverse joy in being mean to other people. I know who he is, and why he does what he does and hangs out with people who are like him. I guess I should expect it by now, or at least be used to it. But for some stupid reason, when I try to treat him the way I'd like to be treated and it doesn't come back to me that way, it still surprises me. I think it's because he appears functional for the most part, so I forget that he's not. 

To top things off, I even dreamed about him last night. DS told him about TAM and that his nickname is Chinless, and he found everything. But I don't think it's really an omen, as in the dream we were living together when this happened. OK, I take it back, it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare.


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## vi_bride04

...if he's not in compliance with the JOD, can't you take him back to court?


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## angelpixie

I can, but it will probably cost more than $825 to do it. I won't tell him that, though. I got the lawyer against his wishes the first time.


But the day is looking up. I just got an emailed apology from him for the school debacle yesterday. And not only am I meeting my ladies from the Y for a free screening of Star Trek (already saw it with DS, but hey, it's free. And it's Star Trek), but we're tacking karaoke on after that. :smthumbup: I was going to go to bed early tonight, but how often am I kid-free on the same night as my friends? Um. This will be the third time. Ever.


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> And not only am I meeting my ladies from the Y for a free screening of Star Trek (already saw it with DS, but hey, it's free. And it's Star Trek), but we're tacking karaoke on after that. :smthumbup:


I'm beginning to think it's really a shame that you live so far from Chicago.


----------



## LivingAgain

It's final!!!

I have officially lost 235-240 lbs! Not sure of the exact TONAGE since X has packed on the pounds since last year....

Hmmm I am still at my pre-3 children weight  And I feel even lighter now!!

:smthumbup:


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## angelpixie

Yay!! Better than having to do all that crazy dieting -- just a simple legal (as opposed to surgical) procedure.


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## EnjoliWoman

Hey, AP, this is a little PA but wonder if you could comment to chinless how the marriage venue sounds great and how wonderful that they can afford that - must mean your check is in the mail. *with a sweet smile*

After all, he knows you know about both the wedding and the venue now.


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## EnjoliWoman

The narcissist knows no bounds, do they? I get my child support 2 weeks late when ex buys an 18' ski boat.

And the 9/15 payment arrived into central collections on 9/27.


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## angelpixie

Wow, hadn't realized it's been this long since I updated. I guess the word for me the last few weeks has been 'Boundaries.' I've been exercising them in different ways than I have before, and I've needed to. Had a couple more encounters with Chinless that brought me down a bit, realizing that my life wasn't as separate from him as I'd hoped. And ironically, not only that, but due to the D, I have to rely on him to take care of things that directly affect me and DS. There's a snafu in the way Social Security paid out some benefits back in 2011 that was brought to his attention this past spring. Nothing was over- or under-paid, it was just supposed to go to me instead of DS. Same pot of money, went to the same family. Shouldn't be a problem. Well, they wanted to do some kind of shell game wherein we paid it back, and then they'd turn around and pay it back again to me. Ex went round and around with them, and finally they thought they worked it out and told us not to worry. So we didn't. A few weeks ago, he called me at work, frantic, that I had to go to the local Soc Sec office and 'straighten it out' or else DS would lose his benefit. Half of that benefit counts as my child support. The local office has stupid hours, so I called the national number and sat on hold for a cumulative 90 minutes over 3 calls, getting disconnected once after I finally got through to someone, only to find out that they could no longer tell me anything about the case because of the divorce. Even though we were married at the time of the supposed 'error.' Even though I'm the one who was supposed to get the money. They told me that the only person they would be able to talk to was Ex, since he's the one on disability, and he's the legal payee for DS. I told him that, and I've had to just let it go. It's a chunk of money I can't do without each month. I don't know what's happening with it. This started before the gov't shutdown, so who knows what will happen and when.

And due to more of Ex's passive-aggressive treatment of me (not answering an important text this time), and DS telling a lie, DS' bike was stolen from in front of the Y a few weeks ago. It made me very upset because neither of us can afford to get him another, and he needed it for a school trip and for a great _FREE_ after-school program that does outdoors stuff around town once a week. My first urge was to 'fix' -- go to the police, scout the neighborhood, etc. But this was not my fault. If I'd have been treated better at the time, with better communication and respect, chances are the bike would not have been stolen. I made the decision to leave it up to them. I suggested to Ex that he contact the police, since he could describe the bike better, but I don't know if he did. I explained to DS that if he wanted a new bike, he could ask for money towards one for his birthday this month. He was upset because that's not what he wanted for his birthday originally. My dad and brother are sending him money, but strangely, Ex had him make a regular list for his family. I'm surmising that he doesn't want to tell them about the stolen bike. 

It feels very strange to me to not be running around trying to clean things up, and in the case of Soc Sec, I really do need it. It's a tough lesson for DS about the bike. I don't think either thing will change Ex one bit. He was still not answering me in P/A fashion when I asked him questions regarding DS' birthday party, and Halloween. I finally had to ask in front of DS in order to force him to answer, after waiting and re-asking over a week's time.

But I had to realize that the bike is totally not my problem, and I am legally powerless to do anything about the Soc Sec. I don't like having to depend on Ex for anything. 

I don't know if this led to sleep issues for me, or if sleep issues led me to feel worse, but this culminated in me feeling very flat last week. I didn't like it and was talking to my IC trying figure out why. She's the one who hypothesized that I was dealing with some of this by going numb, which was one of my old coping mechanisms. I think she might be right. I hated to follow her suggestion that I take some short-term sleep meds until I could feel better. It was around DS' birthday two years ago that I went cold-turkey off of Ambien after being on it for years. I really don't want to go backwards. I tried some melatonin last night, and I did sleep better. I couldn't afford Ambien again, anyway. 

But all has not been bad by any means. I have been socializing more, having my contra friend with and without her kids, over to my place for dinner a few times. Contra has started again for the season, and I was asked to be the volunteer coordinator for the year. That was cool. I'm really feeling like I'm belonging more. I'm going to sign up for another dance weekend in January, which will be a nice little getaway.  Work is going well. I'm getting into making DS' costume for Halloween. 

And... it seems I have found myself in a relationship.  Yes, TAMers, it's true. :rofl: Things are going very, very well. Both of us are placing a high priority on honesty and healthy boundaries. I haven't been in a relationship like this before. Every time I feel like I should walk on eggshells, I know that that's the last thing I should do, and I say what I want to say. And the world has not ended!!! Amazing!! And when I know I need to set a personal boundary, I expect a reaction like I've received from people in the past -- and lo, and behold, he says "That's perfectly reasonable, Angel." And when I recover from my dead faint, I realize that this may be the healthiest relationship I've ever had with any adult in my life. It is a wonderful change. It's not easy letting go and trusting, and not expecting patterns to repeat, but as I've said in other circumstances, I'm cautiously optimistic.  And it looks like I'll have someone to share the holidays with this year, if all goes well. He'll be meeting DS around Halloween, during some activities in town. DS knows about him, as my friend, and we will be just getting him used to the idea without telling him right away that we're in a relationship. After what Ex has done with Trampire, it's probably not as much of a worry anymore, but I still want to do things right.

Right now, I'm off to see a play at the University. I hope all is well with my TAM friends.


----------



## OldGirl

angelpixie said:


> But all has not been bad by any means. I have been socializing more, having my contra friend with and without her kids, over to my place for dinner a few times. Contra has started again for the season, and I was asked to be the volunteer coordinator for the year. That was cool. I'm really feeling like I'm belonging more. I'm going to sign up for another dance weekend in January, which will be a nice little getaway.  Work is going well. I'm getting into making DS' costume for Halloween.
> 
> And... it seems I have found myself in a relationship.  Yes, TAMers, it's true. :rofl: Things are going very, very well. Both of us are placing a high priority on honesty and healthy boundaries. I haven't been in a relationship like this before. Every time I feel like I should walk on eggshells, I know that that's the last thing I should do, and I say what I want to say. And the world has not ended!!! Amazing!! And when I know I need to set a personal boundary, I expect a reaction like I've received from people in the past -- and lo, and behold, he says "That's perfectly reasonable, Angel." And when I recover from my dead faint, I realize that this may be the healthiest relationship I've ever had with any adult in my life. It is a wonderful change. It's not easy letting go and trusting, and not expecting patterns to repeat, but as I've said in other circumstances, I'm cautiously optimistic.  And it looks like I'll have someone to share the holidays with this year, if all goes well. He'll be meeting DS around Halloween, during some activities in town. DS knows about him, as my friend, and we will be just getting him used to the idea without telling him right away that we're in a relationship. After what Ex has done with Trampire, it's probably not as much of a worry anymore, but I still want to do things right.
> 
> Right now, I'm off to see a play at the University. I hope all is well with my TAM friends.


I was going through old messages, and thinking about you today, Angel. Now that Contra has started up again, how about an updated picture of you in all dressed up for Contra for your old friends here on TAM 

Your new relationship sounds wonderful. He sounds like a good guy, and he's very lucky to have found you.


----------



## TBT

It is a tough lesson for your son regarding his bike,but it is a lesson.Many kids are so over protected by parents that they grow up lacking a clear understanding of responsibility.

Made my day seeing you have a new someone in your life!


----------



## Paradise

You go, Angel!!! I'm so happy for you that you have someone in your life right now. You've done a lot of work on yourself and are such a wonderful lady and you deserve someone that treats you well and enhances your life. 

Wonder if chinless will begin treating you different when there is another man in the picture? You will have to keep up all informed on that.


----------



## Lifescript

Angel, 

I'm so happy for you. I hope things keep going well in your new relationship. You deserve a really good man. And you know what mistakes to avoid and what warning signs to look for the

Very  about this.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Congrats on the special someone. Maybe that will be a good distraction to keep you from dwelling too much on the other things.

I've also had to learn to let go of things I cannot control. When you are used to being the responsible one and expect other adults to also be responsible, it's VERY hard to let it go!!

ExH does not reply to my emails; when he does it's usually a huge long diatribe of how I've done him wrong and half the time he barely answers what I emailed about. He still hasn't responded to my email about medical expenses he owes. I gave him the court-ordered 30-day notice but who knows when he'll read it. Last time he complained I did not tell him that he had email. Our order states our main form of communication is email and should either party need a response within 48 hours, we have to call the other parent to tell them there is an email. He seems to think that means ANY email I send requires me to call him and tell him.

I hope he gets it straight so you can get what you need for DS. I assume he hasn't paid you what he owes you yet, either? 

Losing or breaking a big item is a tough lesson. Kiddo lost (or had stolen at school) an iTouch and her Dad got her a new one. She lost that one. She broke her iPhone screen 2 months after she got it and I paid to have it fixed - broke it again less than 24 hours later. Not fixing that.


----------



## TBT

You're such a terrific mom Angel! Saw the great cake you made for your son's birthday and it sounds like you all had a fun time.Though things have been hard for you both over the past few years,you've also created some wonderful memories that your son,I'm sure,will carry with him the rest of his life.You're such a winner in my book! Catch you next time.


----------



## angelpixie

Well, it's that time of year again. This year, DS wanted to be a Minecraft Creeper, and The Brick will reprise his role, but as Steve from Minecraft. Lucky for Brick's mom, Steve's character is basically a human in pixel form, so she got a cardboard head from Target and a pickaxe from ThinkGeek.com. A creeper, OTOH, has totally different proportions, so I could not make use of the cardboard head DS got from his grandmother for Christmas. So, I found great directions on Instructables that I thought I could adapt, but due to issues with photoshop, what should have been fairly easy turned into a marathon, lol. My lovely new hat has been a fantastically good sport about spending hours helping me to finish it, and DS was thrilled. I did not have him on Halloween, except for a little while after school. I drove him to Chinless' house, and DS wanted to park down the street and surprise him. We did. Chinless and Trampire came to the door (Trampire wearing devil horns -- Don't say anything, AP, don't say anything! :rofl and neither of them even broke a smile, even though DS and I were laughing and having a great time. Isn't it horrible to be so unhappy, even though you are in love and have everything you wanted? 

So here they are, Creeper and Steve:



Here's a side view. I'm really proud of the 4 hinged feet that hang off the bottom of the body and move as he walks. The head attaches to the body with velcro. When I went to leave, he tried to give me a 'creeper hug,' which was a little difficult, lol.



We figure he'll be able to stand it up in his room after Halloween, lol.


----------



## Dollystanford

Angel, that is truly amazing. I think you should give your hat an extra special treat for helping. Some sort of depraved sexual act perhaps


----------



## Nsweet

Once Again Angelpixie, you blew me away your fantastic Halloween costume for your son. Seriously, I though last years Lego Man was really cool but this is awesome too. Great job!:smthumbup: 

Do you have like a instagram profile or something because I kinda want to check out other things you've done and feel inspired this holiday season. 

And it sounds to me like Chinless and Trampire aren't having fun anymore if they can't even fake a smile for you and your son. I mean for all we know you could have walked into that awkward moment when couples fights and and have to put everything on hold to entertain company.


----------



## smallsteps

angelpixie said:


> Isn't it horrible to be so unhappy, even though you are in love and have everything you wanted?


I'm glad I read this after the week of dealings I had with him.

You are so right AP. 

btw, it looks like you have found yourself a good guy there. I'm so happy for you!

Great job on the costumes!


----------



## angelpixie

Not a good week, really. Things came to a very sudden, very surprising and very sad end with my new guy. I truly didn't see it coming. I'm not going to go into detail, as he knows about TAM, but suffice it to say that I am dealing with a lot of emotions right now. It wasn't easy for me to take a chance, open up and let myself be vulnerable, but I don't regret it. It was good in many ways. I wish him the best and hope things work out for him. It leaves a hole, to be sure, but I am far stronger than when I was with Chinless, so I know that I'll be OK. 

And the week ended just as well. For a few months, Chinless has been fighting Social Security over a supposed (but not real) incorrect payment of dependent benefits back in 2011. Money that was supposed to go to me went to DS instead. It's all one pool of money, so it really doesn't make a difference. Chinless thought it was settled in May, but then contacted me earlier this fall to say he had a notice we had 30 days to pay them the money back (so they could turn around and send it back to me. WTF?) or they'd take it out of DS' future benefits. We split that 50/50, and it would be a noticeable loss. they wouldn't talk to me, since we're no longer married, and they wouldn't talk to him...because we're no longer married. Then the government shut down. Because he's the SS recipient, I was told that he really was the only one they could deal with, so against my better judgement, I had to leave it in his hands. I'd heard nothing since. 

Tonight, just before leaving work, he texted where we'd meet so I could pick up DS, and he asked if we could talk alone. Great. I had no idea what it could be. It was about this. The original problem from 2011 was taken care of . Yay. But now there's a new one. Supposedly, during 2012 and early 2013, they paid me over $1700. And now they want it back. I never got it. Believe me, I'd know if I did. And again, we have 30 days or else they'll take it out of DS' money. They gave Chinless a list of several dates and payment amounts. I never gave them either my new address or bank account when I left, but I still went through every statement back to Jan 2012 in my account and the joint checking account. No payments. I let Ex know that, and asked when we could go see them together. I want to know the account number they used for an electronic deposit, or I want to see scans or copies of endorsed paper checks. This is total bullsh!t. Ex told me not to lose sleep over it, as he'll file another waiver to hold them off. Right. We all know he doesn't have to come up with $1700. 

I need a vacation so badly right now. So very badly. Or a tropical drink with an umbrella. Or a hug. Or a hug from someone bringing me a tropical drink with an umbrella. Something.


----------



## Lifescript

Angel, 

I'm sorry about things not working out with new guy. Don't let this set you back. You'll be alright.


----------



## Dollystanford

Angel my darling - sorry your new hat didn't work out, but don't forget you still have me! Which is the most important thing of all x


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## Ikaika

Angel, I'm so very sorry to hear about everything. It hurts especially about this new guy. I was so hoping it would work out for you. I really hope the money situation works out. So wish there was something I could do. 

Sending you a warm Aloha and a TAM <<hug>>. Hold your head up, you are still a terrific person to so many and are far richer than chinless. 

Malama pono


----------



## smallsteps

AP sorry things didn't work out and you're having such a hard time with the ss mess.

Sorry I can't help out with the drink part but here's a ((hug)) for you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. Eh!


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## angelpixie

I saw this on FB today and it made me laugh:










and to paraphrase a comment someone else cleverly made:

I'd better not stop thinking about tomorrow, or Fleetwood Mac will be on my ass, too. :rofl:


----------



## soca70

Cheers...


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## ne9907

angelpixie said:


> I saw this on FB today and it made me laugh:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and to paraphrase a comment someone else cleverly made:
> 
> I'd better not stop thinking about tomorrow, or Fleetwood Mac will be on my ass, too. :rofl:


Haha I love journey! So going to steal this


----------



## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> I need a vacation so badly right now. So very badly. Or a tropical drink with an umbrella. Or a hug. Or a hug from someone bringing me a tropical drink with an umbrella. Something.


I gotcha covered...


----------



## TBT

Hope you're doing ok Angel and that you and your son have a great day.Happy Thanksgiving!


----------



## OldGirl

:iagree: Have a great Thanksgiving Angel!

Thinking of you today while watching the Turkey Day marathon! 

Wait, that doesn't sound right 

You know what I mean


----------



## angelpixie

OldGirl said:


> Thinking of you today while watching the Turkey Day marathon!
> 
> Wait, that doesn't sound right


Nope, that sounds perfect! :rofl:

Thanks, OG. I hope you and your family have a Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy Joel, Mike and the 'bots! :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my TAMily!! 

I think this "time...waiting...patience..." thing is finally paying off. This is by far the best Thanksgiving in the last several years. Two nights before Thanksgiving, three years ago, Chinless told me that he didn't want to stay together. Two years ago, he, DS and I still had dinner together, this time I was their guest at what used to be my own home. Last year, a lovely friend invited me to dinner with people I'd never met before, and it was very nice, but it was a tumultuous time leading up to our D, and I was desperately depressed. 

This year, I am divorced, I have my own home for DS and I to make our own. I have more friends and I'm feeling more a part of my community. I'll see DS for almost 4 hours today, and during that time, we'll be going to a large potluck with people from my contra group. On Saturday (when I have DS all day), my contra friend and I are team-cooking a Thanksgiving dinner for our kids, the guy she's kinda seeing and his son, one of her former housemates, a woman we just realized we both know, and as of last night, one of my Y friends and her mom. Sometime that day, DS and I will put up our tree while watching 'Santa Claus Conquers the Martians' a la MST3K. 

What a difference a year makes! Last year, I couldn't see ahead to this place. But it was there.  I have a feeling of peace and strength inside that doesn't get shaken as easily as it used to, even when bad or sad things happen. Things with DS are going very well, too. He's still in fencing, and has been in an after-school group that has been doing outdoor things like fort-building, geocaching, and folf. He's been making friends and getting used to his new school (middle school). 

And, of course, I'm thankful for all of my friends here on TAM. You've all been an integral part of me getting to this place. Thanks for your love, your friendship, you humor, and for kicking my ass when I need it. (((hugs))) 

Now all we need is some snow!!


----------



## hope4family

God bless AP. Things do get better as time moves along.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

So glad you really got to a good place this year. 

I cooked for a friend and myself, then we played scrabble and talked for the longest time. I don't know if it will go anywhere but it is nice to have him around. He's coming to help with the tree tomorrow.

Every year has been different and special in its' own way.


----------



## TBT

Merry Christmas to you and your little man Angel! Wishing you a wonderful holiday season!


----------



## Dollystanford

I echo TBT but with slightly different sentiment


----------



## Ikaika

Merry Christmas Angel with still another slant altogether:

SANTA CLAUS ARRIVES IN HAWAII BY OUTRIGGER CANOE! - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

Ah, thank you for the holiday wishes, TBT!! I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas up north.  We thought we were going to have a white Christmas, but most of it melted yesterday and now everything is icy.  But DS and I did get a chance to have a snowball fight and make a snowperson on Sunday. :smthumbup:


----------



## angelpixie

Ohh, Dolly, a pillow fight for Christmas. How thoughtful!! You always have an eye for the best gifts.  :rofl: 

I have a lovely ginger beer with lime planned for after I return from taking DS to Chinless' tonight. I will toast to you and your family.









Merry Christmas!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Pbartender




----------



## angelpixie

drerio said:


> Merry Christmas Angel with still another slant altogether:
> 
> SANTA CLAUS ARRIVES IN HAWAII BY OUTRIGGER CANOE! - YouTube



Excellent!! I wonder how warm it was, having to wear that red suit (at least the top half  ). 

Merry Christmas, drerio, and to your lovely family, too! :noel:


----------



## angelpixie

Oh, Pbar...TMI, sweetie, TMI.  


:rofl: 


Merry Christmas to you and the Junior Pbars!


----------



## vi_bride04

Merry Christmas angel


----------



## angelpixie

Merry Christmas, Vi! I hope you're able to do something fun and just for you today.


----------



## Ikaika

Merry Christmas Angel. It is still dark here and the boys are still sleeping


----------



## angelpixie

It's actually sunny here, which is a Christmas gift in itself.  Got my wrapping done and am taking a little coffee break before DS gets here. I think there will be much Lego assembly on the agenda for today.  I hope you have a Merry Christmas, D!


----------



## OldGirl

Hi Angel! Hope you and your son have a wonderful Christmas


----------



## stillhoping

Wow, cool card


----------



## angelpixie

That's awesome, OG! Thank you!  I hope you and your family are having a good holiday.


----------



## angelpixie

What DS and I did today:


----------



## OldGirl

That is so cool! And that's one very happy looking kid


----------



## TBT

Wow! Lego has come a long way.That looks awesome! In honor of the launch,here's a little tune from Picard and the crew.
Star Trek christmas song Make It So - YouTube


----------



## 06Daddio08

Shut up Wesley!


----------



## OldGirl

TBT said:


> Wow! Lego has come a long way.That looks awesome! In honor of the launch,here's a little tune from Picard and the crew.
> Star Trek christmas song Make It So - YouTube


:rofl: That was great! I'm sending that one to my son.


----------



## angelpixie

I'm still at work today for a few hours yet. Taking DS out for a bite and then some ice skating with a mom-friend and her son, who's been a friend of DS' since kindergarten. Then he goes with them for a sleepover. So, 'Pixie will have a quiet evening at home, finishing some last Christmas present-making before my trip to MN next week. 

At the beginning of 2013, I had a feeling that some very good things were going to happen to me and the people I care about. For the most part, I think that really came true. There were some very sad things for some of us, to be sure, but also some lovely surprises. I feel like 2014 is going to continue on this trajectory. :smthumbup:

So, whether you're with your family, or out with friends, or keeping other TAMers company tonight, Have a happy (and safe!) NYE, and a 

*Very Happy*


----------



## TBT

Thanks Angel! Happy New Year and wishing you the best in the coming year.


----------



## smallsteps

Have a very happy New Year AP!! 

Here's to a great 2014!!


----------



## angelpixie

One year ago today, I started this thread after I got home from my final divorce hearing. Life has changed a LOT for me since then. 

Life now? Well, it has the same general ups and downs and sidewayses that everyone has. Nothing I can't deal with. Basically, to quote the song from the Lego Movie...


----------



## Dollystanford

You go girlfriend!
My life is awesome too - now we can be awesome together (twas ever thus)


----------



## OldGirl

Happy Valentine's Day Angel! I'm so glad you're doing well


----------



## angelpixie

Happy Valentine's Day to you, too, OG!! I hope things are well for you, too.


----------



## TBT

*I see that it's your birthday.Can't let that slip by! Happy birthday angel! All the best!*


----------



## soca70

Wait - Is it birthdays? TAM anniversaries? Valentine's day?

AP, here's my present for whatever occasion this is...


----------



## Ikaika

http://youtu.be/juLeQgp21hk


----------



## ne9907

Happy birthday angel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## CharlieParker

Happy birthday!!!


----------



## OldGirl

*Happy Birthday, Angel!*










*Dance, Angel, dance! 

Let's do the time warp again!!* 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg-vgGuTD8A


----------



## CharlieParker

Yes, OG, angel is a dancer, so I offer one more.


----------



## angelpixie

Thank you, everyone!! :smthumbup: 

Drerio, DS heard that flute, and came in from the other room to see what it was, lol. That was funny! And thanks for the dance steps, too. I'll print them out and have them nearby. The memory's not as good as it used to be, you know. 

And Soca -- nope, I'm still very firmly EX-Mrs. Douchecanoe. Trampire is more than welcome to take my place. 

DS and I had a nice night. I'm volunteering at the documentary film festival again this year, so we took two of my free passes and saw a bunch of short films. Now we're back and getting ready to have some gelato. I decided not to bake a cake this year, since DS is only with me today and tomorrow. I wouldn't want the leftovers here after he goes. 

And we even got a fresh blanket of snow this morning!


----------



## vi_bride04

In case you want to learn a new dance, try this one! 

Dance a Day - The Sprinkler - YouTube


----------



## angelpixie

vi_bride04 said:


> In case you want to learn a new dance, try this one!
> 
> Dance a Day - The Sprinkler - YouTube



:rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Whenever I need a laugh I watch that vid. Can't help but LOL everytime


----------



## TBT

Just wanted to say hi Angel. Hope you and DS are well.


----------



## soca70

Hey AP - just stopping by to say "hi". Hope everything is going well with you!


----------



## angelpixie

Hey TAM friends-
Just sitting around tonight, and I thought I'd pop on and say hi. Life has been quite...interesting these last few months. When I opened my thread, I saw the post I made on NYE, saying how I felt like the trajectory from 2013 would continue into the new year. Since the year's not over yet, I guess I'll reserve my final judgement til December 31st, 2014, lol. 
I think I mentioned on here last summer that I'd had some issues with my sinuses and was planning on having surgery this year, probably in the summer when my insurance year starts over. I'd been having some worsening breathing issues from late winter onward, but just chalked it up to the sinus issues I'd known about. By the time we were signing up for our benefits again, in mid-April, I was having difficulty getting through an Oula class (and eventually had to quit  ), couldn't make it through an evening of contra, and later, had difficulty breathing just walking from the parking ramp to the library. I was able to see my ENT surgeon, so that I could get a cost estimate for the surgery and figure out how much I'd need to pay out of pocket. While there, I mentioned my current difficulties. He decided to do an endoscopic exam right then, and it was a good thing, too. He found that I had a mold in my sinuses. I didn't know such a thing was even possible. I was exposed to a lot of mold when I went to Minnesota in January to help my brother sort through our mom's stuff, and I had a very bad allergic reaction. I didn't fully get my voice back for a couple weeks. That must have been when it started. They couldn't start treating it til they knew just WHAT mold, and that took nearly 3 weeks for tests to come back. Turned out to be 3 different types -- one of which was actually black mold, which, if left untreated, causes brain abscesses which are 70-80% fatal. It's not terribly common, as evidenced by the fact that only one pharmacy in our entire city carried the med I had to take -- a med that can cause liver damage. I started taking it on Memorial Day weekend, and after 30 days, I was to have a liver function test to make sure I was OK. If I was, then the ENT would schedule surgery, as close to July 1 (when insurance started over) as possible. I called all of the providers involved and the insurance company and found out what I'd have to pay myself. I decided to sell the car my brother got me last year to help cover the costs. Which would have been great except...

On June 2nd, I was driving to work and was hit in an intersection by an 89-year-old woman who ran a red light while driving a big Buick. Totaled my beloved Subi wagon.







I didn't realize right away that I'd been injured, so I didn't go to the ER til after work, when my right arm still didn't feel right. Turns out I had a sideways-type of whiplash and an injured shoulder and arm. My insurance company, State Farm, was absolutely horrible from the very beginning, even though I was not at fault, as was the insurance company of the woman who hit me, so I knew I'd have to hire a lawyer. Those first several weeks were a nightmare. Too much craziness to recount now, but I may end up writing that book Drerio recommended after all, lol. At a later follow-up appointment, the doctor realized I'd probably had a concussion. The day after that, I had my sinus surgery (liver test came back fine, but the fungus was still there.  ). The surgery itself went well, but the concussion apparently affected how I responded to the anesthesia and the very little bit of pain med I took immediately after -- nearly ended up in the ER a couple days later. I also had a very strong reaction to another med my rehab doctor gave me to help with my sleep, about a week after the surgery. All of that exacerbated my concussion-related symptoms, and also gave me a bit of a speech impediment. I was in physical therapy twice a week all summer -- actually just lowered it to once a week starting this week. Yay!  

Let's see, what else happened? Oh yeah, the car I was going to sell? It died in late August. So, I went from 2 cars to none.  And obviously wasn't able to sell it to help pay for the surgery, either. And I paid to replaced my 50-year-old furnace, but it was lost for a while by Lowe's, causing all kinds of drama. Finally, about 2 weeks ago, it was installed. The supply of decent used cars disappeared when the college students came back to town, which was just before my car died, so I had to drive a rental for nearly a month. Ugh. But things also turned out there, too, as my wonderful Subi mechanic shop got me in touch with one of their customers who wanted to sell her Forester. I bought it about 10 days ago.  It's a 2002, but she replaced a lot of the big stuff on it, so hopefully, it will last me a long while - first time I've ever bought a car on my own, too. It's even red. 

Slowly but surely, life is settling down. The physical injuries are healing. In preparation to try contra again, I accepted my contra friend's invitation to go square dancing with her a couple times over the last few weeks. Since I was new to that group, I had to take very simple beginner lessons, but it was a good test to see if I could do it. So far, so good. :smthumbup: Our first contra of the season is this Saturday. It will be a while til I can do all the twirling and swinging I used to, but it will just feel great to be moving again! 

Chinless is still his charming self.  Next week, we are having a meeting with DS' teachers to discuss the fact that DS thinks some classes are moving too slowly for him, and that he's having some stress issues. He inadvertently revealed to me that Chinless has been playing some manipulative games with how he represents me to DS. DS isn't seeing it, and I'm between a rock and a hard place as to how I can help DS to see what his father's doing without coming out and telling him what his father's doing. It has all come at a time when I'm just feeling really emotionally spent, and the thought that we're just entering DS' teen years, when he's likely to start rebeling against me anyway, and it will be me, alone, against Chinless and Trampire, and against DS, instead of us co-parenting reasonably together-ish, has me pretty down. I am realizing that this is really still just a continuation of the emotional abuse from when we were married. He's just now using DS to get to me mentally, and also trying to subtly come between DS and me, because he knows that how I am as a mom means so much to me. That's what he holds over my head. It has not helped that with my post-concussion issues and physical injuries, I've had to ask for more help from DS over the summer, as well as asking Chinless for more flexibility at times. He was actually fairly nice for about 2 days after the accident, but then that was too much to keep up, I guess.  I'm at the point where I think I might have to let DS' school know what's what, something I've been very hesitant to do. I don't have a lot of trust in the system, I'm afraid. Other than the issues I mentioned, DS is really doing great in school. He has gotten involved in a few activities, and was in the marching band for the homecoming parade last weekend. For the most part, things are great between us.

I've been going through another introspective phase lately. When I saw my IC today, she said she actually predicted it, as I tend to do that periodically, during times of transition. I am seeing things about myself that I hadn't seen before, especially regarding my relationships to other people. It's part of who I am to take care of people, to do things for them, but it's not something I've experienced in the same way through very much of my life. It struck me that, when one of my friends just, without being asked, fixed up a chair with pillows and cushions to help support my neck and shoulder, it nearly made me cry that she even remembered I needed that. I know I would have had the roles been reversed, but those acts FOR me are still too unfamiliar to me. They shouldn't be -- it should feel normal, like the type of give and take people are supposed to have in healthy relationships. Until this point in my life, I haven't made an effort to surround myself with people who are like that to me. I understand where it comes from in my past, and I can see how it's hurt me. I am learning that even though I want to show the people I love that I love THEM and won't abandon them, even when they're sick or depressed or out of a job or whatever, I cannot and will not do it at the expense of myself. They have to choose to love me for who I am, too. I deserve that just as much as anyone else does. And if they don't, I have to know that it's OK for me to walk away, and I have to have the strength to do it. It will hurt, but I know it's not possible to have a healthy life otherwise -- and I deserve a healthy life as much as anyone else does, too. I'm learning to control what I can, but also, that there are things I can't control much at all, like recovery from the accident injuries. Concentration and memory are still often difficult. Physical, mental and emotional reactions to stress are still sometimes a bit unpredictable, too. Even more than the physical injuries, and the financial difficulties, the loss of my car, etc., the head issues have been the most frightening to me. That one very small dose of a very common medication could leave me with a recurring speech issue makes me very wary to try an unfamiliar medication. One of my Y ladies had a more serious TBI several years ago, and she's been great in helping me navigate how the concussion/med reaction might affect things in the future, and helping me to understand that I have to be patient. It will take time until I can see just how well I'm going to get. Fortunately, I am still seeing improvement overall.

But even though this has been one of the toughest periods of my life, I have been very aware of the gifts I have. I have an excellent doctor who took me seriously when I told him I was having breathing issues, and investigated instead of just assuming a sinus infection and handing me an antibiotic. If he'd done that, chances are I'd not even be here, as the mold wouldn't have been discovered. And obviously, the injuries from the accident could have been much worse. When I first moved out on my own 3 summers ago, I had mainly 2 close friends from work, who I'm lucky to still have. But now, I have so many more friends who have also been there for me, giving me rides when I needed it, watching DS for me, getting me out of the house to have fun, helping me get things done, etc. I have wonderful online friends, listening and offering care and compassion. My dad and brother have been amazing. They decided on their own to come out here, spur of the moment, like the Cavalry, in the hottest part of the summer (and I don't have A/C, poor guys) to help me. I'd hoped to finish the garage remodel we started last summer so that I could get my shop back online, also to help bring in extra funds. When the accident prevented me from doing that, and working on other things around my house like re-doing the kitchen cabinets and doors I painted before I moved in, they came out here and worked their asses off for an entire week in mid-90 degree heat. I'm still amazed that my 72-year-old dad put in 10-hour days, every day he was here (well, my 40-something brother did, too, lol). Dad's also been extremely supportive to me and we generally talk at least once a week, sometimes more. The brother of one of my Y ladies organized a D&D game with him, his son, 3 of us moms, their other sister and all of our kids. We meet every other Friday. It's been a blast, and something I could have never seen myself doing even a year ago. It's been a terrific time for DS and I together, as we get to see each other in a milieu that's a little different, lol. It's getting me out of my shell, forcing me to be more spontaneously creative, and the challenge has been good for my mental recovery, too. I'm so fortunate that I have a boss who has given me the time I need to get well, and who has been understanding now that things take me a bit longer to do than they did before the accident, along with great co-workers. My game night group started a book club (which I spontaneously decided to host at my house next week  ), we have grown-up game nights on the Fridays opposite D&D night with our kids, we go to karaoke once in a while, and we're all going to Rocky Horror on Halloween -- in costume!  I did that 3 years ago, too, but by myself.  See, things really are getting better! :smthumbup:  :rofl:


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## Ikaika

Your absence on TAM has been very much missed. Yes, all of this is book worthy. I will confess at times when I see long post I may not always read the whole thing. You make it easy to read, even though it is hard to read about some of the huge hurdles you have had to endure throughout this year. I really wish and send you Aloha blessings the rest of this year and next. 

Please don't be a stranger. 

Malama Pono


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## angelpixie

Thanks, D. Yeah, I know it was a long post, lol. Thanks for sticking with it.  I hope you and your family are doing well. I will check in on your thread, too.


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## angelpixie

Oh, I added a couple new pics to my album -- DS and my new car.


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## OldGirl

Hi Angel  Thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. What a year you've had! You know you're one of my heroes here on TAM. You always handle everything life throws at you with such grace. 

Yay for your dad and brother! 

I think it's so cool that you have a D & D night with your son! 

Take care.


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## Lifescript

Hi Angel, 

I've been absent from TAM for a while too. Posted an update a few days back and PM'd some folks. I was about to PM you to see how you are doing and saw your latest post. I'm glad things turned out ok with your health. You are such a strong woman angel. You've had many bumps in the road this past year mixed with good stuff. Someone else would be complaining and whining but the smileys in your posts say it all. You roll with the punches and keep moving forward. 

It was nice to hear from you Angel. You helped me a ton with your posts when I was at my worst and I thank you. 

Take care,


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## TBT

Good to see you here again Angel. Sorry to hear about the troubles you've had over the last while though. However,if anyone can get a handle on things its definitely you. Just to echo what drerio and OG said ...you've been missed and you are one of my heroes too.

Love the pics and DS is looking pretty happy and cool.


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## Paradise

Angel, 

Good to have you back around here. Always enjoyed reading your posts. You make a lot of sense to me. I've faced a lot of difficult life experiences over the past 6 months the same as you but I just kind of keep plugging along and trying to make today just a little better than yesterday. 

Hope you stick around. 

Paradise


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## angelpixie

Thanks for the sweet words of encouragement, everyone.







I don't want to give the impression that I'm Little Miss Sunshine. I got pretty overwhelmed this summer, that's for sure.  But aside from updating my friends here who wondered where I'd disappeared to, I also wanted to post because, even though many who might be reading this got on TAM when marriages were in trouble or ending, or there were other problems going on in their lives, well...how do I put this? Um...it can always get worse? Um...there's actually an oncoming train with no light at the end of the tunnel? Um...it's always darkest before the power goes out for good?  

No, I wanted to say:










and 










If we let it happen, I think we can find help and strength in _many_ places, including inside ourselves. Just never, ever give up.


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## EnjoliWoman

So sweet to be cared for - I'm that person so I know what you mean. Very insightful over all. I knew about some things like the car but not all that you've been through. You hid it well! 

As to your son, when you feel up to it, I'd be happy to help or share ideas... if you are up to reading it, Divorce Poison is a book I often suggest - it really helps deal with a parent who is not putting the child's best interest first. I would have never thought it OK to say anything bad about my ex, even if it's true. Meanwhile he's making up stuff and feeding it to her. I learned when it is OK to acknowledge another parent's shortcomings in that area and do so in a way that is not bashing or putting the kid in a rough spot. Your son has a right to the best relationship he can have with BOTH of you and that might mean you need to level the playing field in a tactful, tasteful way. Sometimes it's not even a direct way, but rather inferred by a Socratic method of question-led conversation.

Anyway, if you want I'll send you my copy. Let me know. 

I'm glad things are on the upswing even if you kept boinking into things on the downward swing.


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## angelpixie

So, this finally happened this week:



After Dolly and Angel 'did' the town ($5/weeknight is a helluva deal! :smthumbup: ) 



Then, of course, we had to go to church. :biggrinangelA: ray:



The roof did not cave in, nor did lightning strike. :rofl:

<3 you, Dolly!


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## bandit.45

Two beautiful ladies.


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## Ikaika

Looks like fun times.


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## Paradise

You ladies look great! And very happy!!!! Can't ask for much more....


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## angelpixie

Been a while since I posted any advice-y type things, but this article knocked my socks off. The points are spot on, and I even liked the style (be forewarned, however, the language is not G-rated  ).

5 Things That Have to Happen Before You Fix Your Crappy Life


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## Ikaika

Happy New Year Angel. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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