# Yes, a wife weight thread with background. I'm a dumb man I guess.



## Cadmus (Apr 11, 2011)

We're both 29, no kids yet. 

In 2007 I woke up one day and realized my crazy high metabolism as a kid and walking to classes in college had turned into sitting at a desk 40 hours a week and horrible eating habits. I looked in the mirror and had an epiphany, and read a quote that day at work as well. Paraphrased from Socrates. "...what a disgrace it would be for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." Since then I have eaten better and hit the gym 4 days a week. I would call myself pretty fit. 

My wife loved this. She never commented directly to me originally, actually what she would says is "you have no ass, that's weird" when I was very skinny fat. Then as I gained weight(on purpose) when I hit the upper bound as I call it, she would comment my snoring is starting or my face is getting puffy. Meaning, lose weight. So I would. It was my checks and balances. I like this. She comments when I look thinner or XYZ muscle this. It feels good. Scrawny to somewhat brawny was a great thing for our relationship.

Fast forward to 2010, she has gone from 115 pounds to 140 in 2 years. Yes, I know it's only 25 pounds. However, she is 5'3" ... with an amazingly small frame. There is nowhere to put this weight. I tried the tricks she used on me, prodding about this and that. BAD IDEA. What worked for her on me is not working in reverse. I get stares and quiet treatment galore. She knows I deeply care about health and longevity b/c of what I have seen happen to my family by being sedentary. 

She is not on the path to diabetes most likely, but energy and activity has dropped like a rock. At night I'm ready to do whatever and she can't wait to lay down and sleep. Any comments I make about weight, food, how I do my regiment is all on deaf and angry ears, amazingly STUBBORN and ANGRY deaf ears. She readily admits she eats like crap, and I say well then don't do that. Again, anger. It is now to the point where since she has a small frame it is all in her belly and the usual female spots. Our neighbor asked me if she was pregnant. I have not told my wife b/c I know it would bother her, but I'm debating using that as a tool to say, "wake up, you are not on a good path here."

I still love her more than anything, I still initiate intimacy(she never has in 10 years, lol), I still do all the great parts of lovemaking not just ok let's get this done. She seems to have little care as she wears the same clothes that no longer fit and stretch and bulge in all the wrong places. Jeans she can't put on and just laughs when she has to suck in to clasp, as if I would laugh too? I rub and kiss her belly and she makes me stop b/c she just talks about the fat there. So, she knows it's there, she knows it's far more than before ... but any change to this seems like Armageddon to her if it comes from me.

Do I tell her someone asked me if she was pregnant? Use that to kick off a discussion, or add it in as I sit her down and tell her ... something? She won't let me help and she has to want to get healthy or it will never happen. She hates working out... I say that's fine most weight loss is calories not activity, altho the benefits of activity are too numerous to list. I'm still sexually attracted to her, but far less than I was previously, and I'm absolutely terrified to tell her that.

No stress issues, no health issues(thyroid), no birth control. Her lifestyle is work her day, come home and eat dinner, sit on couch watching TV until laying down for bed. Rinse, repeat. Maybe she's bored. I try to keep things moving, as I said the only intimacy comes from me really.

She buys fruits and veggies and I cook healthy dinners. However the pre dinner and post dinner snacks kill it, and the vending machine at her office. Cookies are not breakfast.  

In 2008 when I had stuck with working out and it was now a lifestyle, she did join a gym, did work out at home, etc. I encouraged that and told her it was very cool, altho maybe I should have done more b/c it didn't take. I do an internal headcount on her good now since I know food calories quite well ... and she is well over healthy/normal every day. 

So 25 in 2 years will be more around 40-50 in a couple more at the rate I'm seeing. I hate that I count her calories like that. I hate when I catch a glimpse of something I wish I had not. I am trying very hard to just ignore it and accept it as how it will always be, and just to overlook it in daily life and in the bedroom, let it be. This is probably shallow but kids will come soon and I just imagine the problem becoming far, far worse and I will be more afraid to say anything for the 18 months or so during and after. She comments on women's post baby bodies that she sees... I grit my teeth and just say, "mmhmm."

Maybe I am a shallow jerk? I don't know. I care about health, and longevity. I want her to be active with me when we're 60 or retired and doing more things for just us, I am desperate to nip this now so I don't resent her later in life. I refuse to raise kids with horrible eating habits and a sit around lifestyle.


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## Verushkita (Apr 30, 2012)

My husband once bought me an outfit that he thought I would look good in, the size seemed right, because it's the size I was saying I wore, but I tried it on, it was too tight in all the wrong places. He said he would give me the receipt so that I can buy something else, but instead I resolved I would wear it but I had to work on firming up a little and eating better.

I don't think my husband was being passive aggressive, but it did work for me.

I hope I haven't offended anyone.


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

I wish my husband cared.We have been having problems so I have decided the only thing I can really control and thats makes me feel better right now is exercising.

Im 5'7 and at one point after 3 kids I was 220lbs (125lbs when we met). Over the years I have been puttering at it but in the last 2 months I have pushed harder.
I count calories,eat better and exercise and as of this morning am 160lbs.

On the weekend my family came over for dinner and one aunt said "omg...your saddle bags are gone" and my uncle was whispering to my other aunt that I had lost alot. I felt sooo good hearing this BUT I mentioned it to my hubby that apparently I had lost my saddle bags and he said "nope,she lied to make you feel good" 

Then I was at an event on Saturday and he decided to show up and bring me a huge Carl Jr. burger and onion rings.I said thank you and he said see I don't care about your weight thats why I brought you this..if it bothered me I would have brought you a salad. 

I WISH more than anything he would tell me I look good or help me.I applaude you for trying with your wife.Losing weight is hard and realistically if she is not ready you are going to go nuts trying so don't push too hard but maybe try asking her to go for walks after dinner but instead of making it about her...tell her you really feel like it would make you feel good today and would love some company. I find taking the pressure off and making it seem like she will be doing you a favour sometimes works as well.


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## better than before (Aug 3, 2011)

She has to want it for herself. She won't change until she is unhappy and ready. I finally changed because I had to be happy with myself. I have kept almost 20 lbs off for a year now. It is true that nothing tastes as good as thin feels! My H is working out now- love it- muscles are sexy! Has she tried weight training? It made such a difference for me. Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I'm thinking that you can find some kind of physical activity you'd both enjoy and do it together. 

However, I went through something similar to your wife. I was 103 lb. when I joined the Army at age 25 - pretty underweight for a 5'7" frame, and 127 when I completed basic training. I weighed in at 137 when I got out of the Army at age 29. Suddenly I put on another 30 pounds over the course of three years. I worked in a job where I walked briskly for about 3 hours of each shift. 

I once dieted and got back to 135 by removing almost all carbs, but it made eating - especially with other people - difficult. When I stopped dieting, I gradually put the weight back on over the course of four years (I'm now 44.) 

I think our bodies have a way of finding their own "normal" weight. Criticizing or trying to manipulate your wife will only send a message that you do not accept and love her as she is.


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## NeedTLC (May 2, 2012)

Trust me, she knows she needs to lose weight. So do I. After 15 years of being overweight, some life changes gave me the confidence to try again. 25 pounds gone so far, 35 more to go.

It's not that I didn't want to lose it all along, its the internal struggle. My self-esteem was low, my daily responsibilities provided a good excuse of not enough time, my DH was in favor of losing, but wouldn't work out with me, wouldn't help me plan or prepare meals, wouldn't take on additional child care to free up my time, etc. It's kind of a viscous cycle. It's easier to give in to the old habits than to fight to establish new ones.

My advice: Be more blatant in your support of her (criticism, i.e., negative reinforcement, won't work). Tell her your concerned for her health and well being. Ask her how you can help. Then follow through on what she needs. Encourage, praise, support, not just in words, but in deeds too. But don't nag about it. In the end, it won't happen until she's ready.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

No you're not at all shallow for wanting your wife to be healthy, and look better. She's letting herself go, and that's a mistake on her part, not yours.

However this is one of those things that you're likely not going to be able to do anything about. She knows she's overweight, isn't looking, or feeling her best, and any manner you use to try and address the problem is being met with shutdown, shut out, and angry tactics. She's telling you straight up that she does NOT want to deal with this.

All you can do is take care of yourself. Continue to improve your own body, carve yourself out a killer, healthy physique, and pray that she gets threatened enough by the amazing new body you've built to jump on board. Because I imagine that there are few things more miserable than a wife watching her husband get super hot, while she's super not.

The only person you can change is you. Your wife may never lose the weight, and in fact she might grow even larger. That's a reality that you might just have to resign yourself to, as a ton of people, men and women, NEVER lose the weight they put on as he years roll by. You have to ask yourself the question, "can I still be attracted to her if she stayed at this current weight for good?" Because it's totally up to her, to lose, gain, or stay the same (baring any serious physiological issues). As much as you'd love to help get her on track, she's never going to do it until she wants to.


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## dwinfield (May 8, 2012)

Sounds harsh, but the most effective way to get your spouse to lose weight is to instill dread in her, that is the dread of losing you to another woman. Don't state this overtly, but if you are in good shape yourself and are reasonably attractive, then go ahead and flirt with the waitress or cashier in front of your wife. Don't make a big deal out of it, just be cool. She'll get with the program soon enough. Sad to say but the fact is that right now she takes you for granted and is not motivated to discipline herself to lose weight, which takes a lot of effort and self control and can be difficult. A confrontational approach about the weight issue would be very unpleasant and probably wouldn't work, the key is to make her want to lose the excess baggage. A little healthy female competition will motivate her.


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## VostroDH (Apr 16, 2012)

Dwinfield--not necessarily. As a woman whose husband pulled that stunt, I simply fell into a cycle of dieting and self-loathing when the weight wouldn't come off (due to stress). Later, when the H gained 100+ lbs, I reached a point where I was facing my issues but he now was not. Think karma--I don't suggest prodding change by intentionally or unintentionally hurting your partner's feelings. Instead, an honest conversation about being concerned about his or her health and encouraging joint activity works better.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

No one ever lost weight from being nagged about it. It's her body. Encourage joint activities that you both enjoy, but leave her alone and let her lose the weight when she decides she is ready.


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## Antigen (Apr 9, 2012)

dwinfield said:


> Sounds harsh, but the most effective way to get your spouse to lose weight is to instill dread in her, that is the dread of losing you to another woman. Don't state this overtly, but if you are in good shape yourself and are reasonably attractive, then go ahead and flirt with the waitress or cashier in front of your wife.


The guys concerns are reasonable but I don't think you can scare someone into losing weight.

She's got to want to do it.

If anything she'll see him flirting and she'll stress out and eat even MORE.

He'll be posting about how bad it got and how he wishes he kept quiet when she was at 140.


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## His_Pixie (Jan 29, 2012)

I'm no psychologist but maybe there's something missing in her life and she's filling that void with food. Is she unhappy with her work? Is her family driving her crazy? Are there infertility issues or maybe she's ready for kids and you're not? ("We're both 29; no kids yet.") Maybe you should start asking questions about what she really wants in life and see if there's something lurking in the background that's causing her disquiet, frustration, or hopelessness.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

dwinfield said:


> Sounds harsh, but the most effective way to get your spouse to lose weight is to instill dread in her, that is the dread of losing you to another woman. Don't state this overtly, but if you are in good shape yourself and are reasonably attractive, then go ahead and flirt with the waitress or cashier in front of your wife. Don't make a big deal out of it, just be cool. She'll get with the program soon enough. Sad to say but the fact is that right now she takes you for granted and is not motivated to discipline herself to lose weight, which takes a lot of effort and self control and can be difficult. A confrontational approach about the weight issue would be very unpleasant and probably wouldn't work, the key is to make her want to lose the excess baggage. A little healthy female competition will motivate her.


I disagree. Any relationship I was ever in, I actually consumed MORE because that kind of treatment depressed me even more. Manipulation like that could actually push her to eat more, thus gaining more weight. Make sure you show concern, of course, but don't nag. It won't work if she is not in the frame of mind to be receptive to it.


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## joeschmo (May 2, 2012)

to lisab...you have the second "assiest" comment after dwinfield... good job generalizing. 

my suggestion would to be to take walks, hike, dont focus so much on your health and focus more on the relationship and having fun, my wife and i go on little walks often (sometimes just around the block) and we also hike and camp alot. she was never into hiking or camping growing up, but over the years she has come to enjoy it very much. we are not fitness freaks and have gained weight over the years as well but it is about feeling good not looking good. 

my wife looks good to me no matter what!!!


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

I agree with implementing some physical activities that the two of you can do. Most people enjoy having fun, so try to different ones and keep it fresh. I believe you said she joined a gym before when you began getting fit... You could also try working out together with her. Being in the same place is different than actually doing the same workout. Try something cardio based. There of tons of dvd's out there that you can pop in your tv.





lisab0105 said:


> That is the THE MOST assiest advice I have ever seen.
> 
> I swear I hate men. Shallow mother f*ckers.



I don't have a clue what your story is but this is uncalled for. If you want to express an opinion, be an adult about it and say something like, "I don't like the way some men treat women. Only caring about their looks; shallow men make me angry". 

As a man, I can tell you that we are visually stimulated. That's how we are wired. If it's visually appealing, we are attracted. This applies to vehicles, electronic devices and women. If a husband wants his wife to look "better", it's because he would find her more attractive. It may be unfair, but it's a part of how most men are made. 

In a similar light, women have fluctuating emotions during their periods and later when menopause occurs. Hormonal levels are not balanced. This is science and it how women are made. The husband has to deal with it and the wife should have deal with his situation. 

I'm not saying men have an excuse for being a jerk and making women feel bad about their weight... but faulting men for being visually stimulated is absurd.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

The OP is asking for ideas and advice on a legitimate, yet sensitive subject, so let's remember the forum rules and avoid comments that incite others.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your wife realizes already her weight. Bugging her about it will probably backfire on you.

Your wrong when it comes to losing weight. It's mostly exercise that helps shed those pounds off. I use to run 36 miles a week, bike, run, race in runs and triathlons. I broke my neck 4 years ago and that changed my life. I can no longer walk far or do any cardio, I still have the motivation. I've put on weight and I do eat very healthy. I do stationary bike, but it's not fast. I do push my exercise limits, but I still have this extra weight. My age has gotten hold of my metabolism. 

My husband is a super triathlete. He races in ironmans and marathons. He has 1% body fat. He never complains about my weight gain. He knows and I know I've put on weight. I must rest most the day or I pay the price of unbearable pain. I can handle the normal pain, but the unbearable pain will lead to craziness.

I know your wife is able, but I really don't think talking to her will work. The best thing to do is activities with her. Ask her to go to the gym with you or go on hikes and walks with her. My husband and I would go on runs and hours of hikes together for years before I broke my neck.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Take her to dance class, like ballroom or Argentine Tango. 
It's fun and improves body image and something that improves relationship skills and can be enjoyed even with a few extra pounds.
You cannot dance and be unaware of your body. 
Yoga is also good, and weight training.
But say nothing of her weight. 
Just find a way to enjoy her the way she is, she will feel better about herself and want to take better care.
Getting enough sleep is also critical to anything related to metabolism.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Take a nutrition class together. Do the science part of it...so she knows what eating cookies for breakfast does to your energy levels.

Some people (like yourself) do learn the benefits of eating properly, and you have the light bulb go on that there IS a connection to how you feel and what you eat. 

She hasn't had that yet. 

Prepare lunches the night before, same as breakfast. 

If you want to approach it, I would do it from the energy angle, not the weight. If she's willing to try eating a certain way for two weeks, and journalling how she feels, she might be able to see the connection.

If she is consuming far too many calories, she won't be able to exercise enough to keep it off. That's why taking a class might help... let someone else explain the formula for 3500 calories to a pound, etc. Good luck.

And no, you are not shallow. Maintaining your physcial appearance is a love buster.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I agree with the others who say that it does more harm than good when you approach it critically or negatively. My wife often struggled with weight fluctuations, while I'm probably overboard in staying healthy. Usually, by encouraging her to join me in some goal-oriented changes to our lifestyle, through eating right together and exercising together, its like she would suddenly get motivated and blast past me. You can find the right way to support her, most likely, in a way that motivates and gets her excited about it.

Also, look for signs that she might have been hurt in the past by unhealthy eating patterns or unhealthy pressure by parents or others. I never really appreciated how much harm my FIL's picking on my wife, his daughter, did to her during the teenage years.


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## Cadmus (Apr 11, 2011)

Thanks for the advice. If there ever is a serious discussion perhaps there is an underlying reason for the change in lifestyle.

I don't plan on berating her or giving "tough love" on this subject. She's aware of the weight to some degree and I don't want to fan that flame of potential lowered self esteem. I'd rather solve the problem from the root. We do need to be more active together, and since it is warm now I think evening walks are a good start. If for no other reason than to get used to the endorphin release from it and perhaps her psyche will react to this as a positive.

As far as weight loss, I know all the nutrition and science behind it, I wish I could osmosis it to her while we sleep. She knows the basics, just doesn't adhere to them. I told her, forget the cardio, just come squat and deadlift with me with light weights. Trust me you will be happy you did in about 2 weeks. It's the 2 weeks I can't get her to for the image change.

I won't delve further into an argument but @I'mInLoveWithMyHubby: 1% BF is death, just so you know. You can't live with 1%. Also unless you run say, 10 miles a day, you can CUT more calories and lose more weight with diet than exercise. This is not a tough concept and one agreed upon by athletes as well. She is not going to go from sedentary to running 30+ miles a week overnight.

ANYWAY, the cycle starting yesterday is now the "eat better one", which lasts about 2 weeks before it breaks, either b/c of family holidays, or some other deviation to the schedule. So, I'm using my best habits and offering no further advice unless solicited, and backing up all the good decisions with praise. Not immediately, not overtly ... as tactically as I can.

We'll see what happens. 

Dancing is a good idea, now to put my esteem in that arena aside lol, and buck up for the greater good!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Be gentle and supportive. Her workout needs will be different than yours. I know you want her to do deadlifts and squats (which are most beneficial) but she may not be ready for that yet.

My H works out all the time, is in great shape and tries the same stuff with me. I understand nutrition, I understand what I need to do to get in shape, but I am very unmotivated. I do have self esteem issues and addictive personality which has caused issues with food and overeating.

I feel that you could be my H writing this post...things seem very familiar with what you say. It sounds like you are positive and trying to gently prod her to be healthy the same way my H does to me. 

What sucks is that my self esteem issues get in the way of any progress. I am motivated for a few weeks and then fall off the wagon. Usually b/c of PMS or some emotional episode I have...stress, family drama....maybe that is what happens to your wife as well?

I finally understand that I have other emotional issues that are blocking any progress for me losing weight and being healthy. I am self destructive in highly emotional situations and that causes me to overeat. I know I have underlying emotional trauma to heal before I can heal physically. Since I have realized this it has been very easy to control my eating and get up and move more. And the exercise is helping my moods. This is the longest I have stayed consistent (3 months now)....usually it is only a few weeks and I am back to bad habits.

If anything like this is going on with your wife, be gentle, supportive and do activities with her that will help give her some more confidence. While you may think that lower level activities like walking, bike riding, etc may not be as beneficial as weight lifting; don't push the more extreme things right now. It will discourage your wife. Any movement, even just walking 30min a day will help make a change in her attitude. ANd with that change will come better eating habits. Also try to focus on portion sizes right now vs. what type of food you are eating. It didn't matter how healthy a food was, I would always over eat on serving sizes. And calories are calories - no matter from what food source. Once I mastered portion control it has been alot easier to lose weight. 

If she still has trouble, she may want to look at emotional triggers when she eats. Is she sad, depressed, bored....if yes she may need to explore the emotional side of herself to see if food is somehow covering up pain from somewhere...she may not even realize it until she takes a closer look at herself.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

dwinfield said:


> Sounds harsh, but the most effective way to get your spouse to lose weight is to instill dread in her, that is the dread of losing you to another woman. Don't state this overtly, but if you are in good shape yourself and are reasonably attractive, then go ahead and flirt with the waitress or cashier in front of your wife. Don't make a big deal out of it, just be cool. She'll get with the program soon enough. Sad to say but the fact is that right now she takes you for granted and is not motivated to discipline herself to lose weight, which takes a lot of effort and self control and can be difficult. A confrontational approach about the weight issue would be very unpleasant and probably wouldn't work, the key is to make her want to lose the excess baggage. A little healthy female competition will motivate her.


With that tactic, the only weight I'd consider losing, would be kicking his ass out of the house. 

OP, you're not shallow or rude, I really don't know what to offer you other than what others have already shared. Doing things together the both of you enjoy, without it being a "walk" to lose weight it could be a "walk at the zoo or park or mall to spend time together" wherever. Make a menu for home and stick with it. Keep junk food out of the house but on special occasions/once a week treats for sticking to a healthy lifestyle. I like the idea of packing her own healthy snacks so she can avoid the vending machine. Does she enjoy baking? Maybe you two can bake weekly work snacks and breakfasts on a certain night and she can take those.

Make some delicious smoothies, since summer is coming, it would be nice to sit outside, drinking a smoothie and watching the stars. If you don't have bikes, get a pair of decent bikes and go on daily rides and hit some trails during the weekend and maybe camp once in a while as you do that. Take her to a beautiful place and go hiking, and take lots of pictures. The more you do together, that is fun and/or appealing to you both (whatever that may be) maybe the weight will come off without really doing anything other than the two of you spending time together. Sorry if I've repeated anything or that you've tried already.

I wish you both the best.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

I wish I had some good advice to give.

Paying attention to yourself and continuing to get healthy will likely not spur her, if my past is any indication. I've had two ex's that tried to keep me from eating healthy and working out because it made them feel bad that I was in better shape (?!?).


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> Last time I checked, society does not placate or sympathize with alcoholics and drug addicts who self medicate their emotional issues.
> 
> So why is it expected to walk on egg shells and give endless sympathy to people who are emotional eaters and are over weight as a result?
> 
> ...


Well he can be mean and nasty to her, divorce her, whatever he wants to do. He came here looking for advice, and people are offering it. It's his wife, whom he says he loves, and I would think if she had any other type of addiction or illness, he'd be supportive and caring of any kind of treatment as well. Like a spouse should be.

Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I thought your spouse is supposed to be kind and compassionate to you and vice versa.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband is a foot taller then your wife and weighs 140. I'm just telling you what the doctors told him at his physical about his body weight percentage. I would not lie, nor do I care. It's pretty tough to race in ironmans every couple years, it takes intense training.

When I met my husband I was underweight. I was 5'10" and 117 pounds. Now I'm 5'8" and I weigh much more. I'm not overweight by the BMI charts and I also don't expect to get back down to 117 either. I rarely eat and what I eat is very low in fat. I try to keep my calories below 1200 a day, which some days is less. The lack of food doesn't bother me. It's the lack of exercise. I still have the motivation. I use to be an athlete, now I'm disabled and 2 inches shorter due to my neck injury/herniations and spinal damage. 

I gained 100 or near 100 pounds with each child(3 girls). I was young and able to quickly get it off even with walking or running. I know what it's like to lose weight. A week after my 3rd child I was running 3 miles. I'm very thankful my husband does not care about my weight. I'm very self conscious about it, but he is too by his thinness. I have one daughter that has his metabolism. My husband is my biggest support. I'm very lucky he did not leave me when I broke my neck. I'm only in my 30's and have a long life to live. My weight issues are the least of our worries. I still exercise, but not to the extent before my injury. BTW, it kills me not to run or walk. I'll soon be in a wheelchair. I already need one when we go out that requires walking. I'm not overweight, but I'm not thin and toned like I once was. It eats at me everyday and there's nothing I can do.

I guarantee your wife has issues with her weight gain. It's a true fact that a woman's metabolism slows down as we age. It sounds like you already have a plan of action in dealing with this.

You are correct that weight tires you down. Exercising gives you energy no matter what type you do. 

Good luck explaining this to your wife. My husband and I are great communicators. We do tell each other everything. If this was an issue for him, he'd let me know right away when it became an issue. We are best friends and hold nothing back, even weight issues.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Your wife realizes already her weight. Bugging her about it will probably backfire on you.
> 
> Your wrong when it comes to losing weight. It's mostly exercise that helps shed those pounds off. I use to run 36 miles a week, bike, run, race in runs and triathlons. I broke my neck 4 years ago and that changed my life. I can no longer walk far or do any cardio, I still have the motivation. I've put on weight and I do eat very healthy. I do stationary bike, but it's not fast. I do push my exercise limits, but I still have this extra weight. My age has gotten hold of my metabolism.
> 
> My husband is a super triathlete. He races in ironmans and marathons. He has 1% body fat. He never complains about my weight gain. He knows and I know I've put on weight. I must rest most the day or I pay the price of unbearable pain. I can handle the normal pain, but the unbearable pain will lead to craziness.


Your situation is a lot different, in that you unfortunately suffered a major injury. I'd chance to say that you're working harder on your body now than a lot of people with full capacity do. Your husband, if he's a decent human being, of course understands and doesn't hold that against you.

BTW, your husband might be super lean, but he's not 1% bodyfat. That's almost humanly impossible, and very dangerous. The super shredded, extremely lean contestants you see in bodybuilding competitions are in the 3%-6% range, with the 3% range being very rare, and almost impossible to sustain long term. 1% would men he didn't even have the necessary internal fat to protect vital organs. At home calipers are often wildly off. Typical doctors offices are often the worst places to go for accurate readings. Perhaps he should look into getting some a professional body composition test done if he'd like to know his real percentage.




ScaredandUnsure said:


> Well he can be mean and nasty to her, divorce her, whatever he wants to do. He came here looking for advice, and people are offering it. It's his wife, whom he says he loves, and I would think if she had any other type of addiction or illness, he'd be supportive and caring of any kind of treatment as well. Like a spouse should be.
> 
> Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I thought your spouse is supposed to be kind and compassionate to you and vice versa.


Being kind and supportive does not mean that you're suppose to be endlessly enabling to an ADDICT. That's what I believe Unhappy's point is. 

Food is an acceptable addiction in this country. People are allowed to destroy their health, and with very little interference. If the food addicts in this thread, for example, were addicted to heroine, cocaine, or alcohol, "tough love" would be the order of the day, as prescribed by professionals. There would be interventions, declarations to the addict that you will no longer enable their habits, or keep silent about their addiction, and implorations to head to a rehab facility. From an addiction and recovery POV almost all of the advice to be endlessly supportive, nice, and understanding is pretty horrible, counterproductive advice.

The problem is that many people don't really look at food addictions on par with addictions to narcotics and alcohol (even though it can be equally as destructive in the long run), so the addict often feels that you're being "mean" by calling them out, and refusing to support their dangerous addiction. We have to get to the point in this nation where food addiction is treated just like any other addiction. There needs to be a stigma. Only then will people begin to wake up and get the help they need.


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## mompres (May 1, 2012)

What will you do when she has your children and possibly gains even more weight? Just because you've seen the light and embraced fitness doesn't mean she has. If you love her unconditionally you won't scare her or demean her. She has to want this for herself. All you can do is make sure to have healthy choices around the house and lead by example.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> Exactly thank you.
> 
> Heart disease is the number one killer of men and women.
> 
> ...


I feel you. I grew up as a fat child and teen, before deciding to lose close to a 100 pounds. It was devastating to my psyche, and caused all kinds of self esteem issues. To this day I have to pound the pavement and keep a close watch on my weight. If I gain, then I know I HAVE to lose. And this is a matter of life or death because BOTH of my parents died in their 60's, after years of declining health due to obesity related illnesses (which was shocking because longevity runs on both sides of my family). And these were people who were acceptably overweight, and nowhere near morbidly obese sizes that people associate with death and disease. 

It's no joke. Kindness, acceptance, and endless support and enabling can KILL your spouse.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

People's self-esteem is so tied into their weights that it's incredibly difficult to have a real conversation about weight gain. 

Imagine a woman (or man) telling their spouse: I wish you'd stop wearing those old, frayed pants that don't fit you right. 
or
Try to shave your neck a little bit more, you get hairy there quickly.

Yes, those are definitely about appearance. But it doesn't "hit" people as hard. 

It's unfortunate, because I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with caring about your partner's appearance (others in this thread have suggested that this is a bad sort of motivation). 
AND
It's incredibly important to people's health. We're fatter, as a society, than we've ever been before and its costing us in tons of different ways. 

I just wish there was some way to make people less reactive and more open to frank talk about this sort of topic.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Hey, I was just offering ways they could do healthier things together. I didn't think that was enabling anything.


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## dwinfield (May 8, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> That is the THE MOST assiest advice I have ever seen.
> 
> I swear I hate men. Shallow mother f*ckers.


Classy. Get thee back to the Womyn's Studies Dept. 

My wife packed on 80 pounds over the first ten years of marriage. Simple lack of discipline and effort, she'd admit. Why did it happen? Because I convinced her that I would not leave and that divorce was not an option for me. Big mistake. She lost motivation to stay in decent shape, fearing no negative relationship consequences from excessive weight gain. Ask yourself, gentle readers, whether this would have happended if we were still in the courting phase and she were still trying to extract a marriage commitment from me. It is to laugh.

I figured she'd stay in shape out of love and affection for me, sacrificing for her partner and all that, but alas that wasn't the case. On the other hand, I stayed in good physical condition, partly for my own well-being and partly to set a good example for our two children. 

But then a funny thing happened: my wife noticed the growing disparity in our relative physical attractiveness, and she noticed that I could still attract female attention. And this realization motivated her to lose weight, no nagging or begging required. An inconvenient truth for some of you, I suppose.

Most of the other lame advice on here (typically some form of negotiate with her or beg her to lose weight) has little chance of success because it places the man in a position of weakness (as usual). He is expected to supplicate (that means "beg" for those of you who use words like "assiest"). And if she decides that she'd rather not make the effort, well then dude is just a "shallow motherf*cker" for actually caring about his wife's physical appearance in the first place. More lame advice: just accept the bait-and-switch, and you're shallow if you don't accept it. 

High value men should not accept this. 

Admit it, ladies: You have little interest in pleasing weak men who beg you to do things. You have great interest in pleasing high value men who are attractive to other women.

So anyways I get home from work yesterday after picking up one of the kids from practice and my wife apologizes because supper is late. "I had to go to the gym!" You go girl!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Hey, I was just offering ways they could do healthier things together. I didn't think that was enabling anything.


I know this isn't the portion of the posts I'm addressing. That's actually a good idea.

What is a very bad idea is to approach a spouse's addictive behavior with nothing but sweet hugs, kisses, and endless understanding. If one's spouse were killing themselves with crack, alcohol, or a sex addiction, that wouldn't be the approach at all. 

Food should be no different.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

jaquen said:


> I know this isn't the portion of the posts I'm addressing. That's actually a good idea.
> 
> What is a very bad idea is to approach a spouse's addictive behavior with nothing but sweet hugs, kisses, and endless understanding. If one's spouse were killing themselves with crack, alcohol, or a sex addiction, that wouldn't be the approach at all.
> 
> Food should be no different.


Okay, I got you. I agree. I'll take myself for example. If my man said to me "Hey, you're fat and gross. I'm not attracted to you anymore. Do something about it" I'd probably pack his bags and toss him out the door and say "Okay, I did something about it, BYE" but if he approached me and said "Look, you've gained weight. I'm not only concerned about my attraction for you, but I am concerned about your health. Can we do X,Y,Z and stick with a healthy lifestyle together?" or something along those lines, I'd be more like "Okay, let's change this, this and that" and that'd be fine with me. 

I've lost some weight recently, though I did stop going to the gym due to some anxiety about going alone, but just changing the type of food and not eating fast food often has made a difference for me. I've been buying more celery and carrots to snack on at home instead of sugary stuff and it feels nice. Now that the weather has been decent, I've been walking and that helps as well. I've changed over to whole wheat products, lean meats and more fish. Now I gotta get rid of the soda, and drink a lot more water!

For myself, I think it's fun and more appealing to do these things with my S/O. It makes it less of a chore and more of a couples thing, even if it is just a walk around the block.

I'll also add that my guy met me at the largest I've ever been my whole life. So maybe the reasons of my weight/weight loss and such have nothing to do with him, I'm doing it for myself, because I do not want to get sick and I want to be around for those I love for a long time.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> Last time I checked, society does not placate or sympathize with alcoholics and drug addicts who self medicate their emotional issues.
> 
> So why is it expected to walk on egg shells and give endless sympathy to people who are emotional eaters and are over weight as a result?
> 
> ...


It's not against the law to overeat and drive.... and it doesn't impair your judgement and make you a threat to society... you are only hurting yourself health wise LOL


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> That's always bizarre to me.
> 
> Fat is literally a superficial layer of energy stores on the body.
> 
> It's not who anybody is on the inside.


To many people, that superficial energy store is a physical marker of the fact that they are unable to effectively manage their energy balance, that they cannot control their impulse to over eat, that they are unable to find sufficient motivation to find, and stick to, an effective weight control regime or exercise plan.

To them, it's a badge of failure worn for all to see all the time.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Sawney Beane said:


> To many people, that superficial energy store is a physical marker of the fact that they are unable to effectively manage their energy balance, that they cannot control their impulse to over eat, that they are unable to find sufficient motivation to find, and stick to, an effective weight control regime or exercise plan.
> 
> To them, it's a badge of failure worn for all to see all the time.


You couldn't have said it any better....

Which means there are deeper emotional issues at root of the overeating/weight issue...just like there are with alcoholics and drug users who turn to those substances for self medicating.

Until those emotional issues are healed, one will never be free of the unhealthy lifestyle. I know personally what this is like


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

mompres said:


> What will you do when she has your children and possibly gains even more weight? Just because you've seen the light and embraced fitness doesn't mean she has. If you love her unconditionally you won't scare her or demean her. She has to want this for herself. All you can do is make sure to have healthy choices around the house and lead by example.


Yep, chances are she will gain weight when she has kids and if she doesn't want to lose it now, when it's just 25lbs over and relatively easy to do so, she won't want to do it when she's older, even more sedentary, has a slower metabolism and has gained 50lbs. 

She will join the legions of middle aged men and women who are overweight and are approaching obesity. 

I went to my daughter's college last week and was surrounded by people of my generation and was astounded at how many were overweight and let themselves go. When does this happen? Don't they look in the mirror and feel horrified? Don't they feel like crap? The problem is too that if you are overweight and lethargic then the LAST thing you want to do is climb on a bike or go for a walk. You want to sit in one place and stare at the TV all day. 

I had it happen to me about 3 years ago. I'd became a size 16 and was wearing clothes with a 34" waist.. and at 5'2" this isn't good. My back hurt me and I felt achy and lethargic. 

I was wearing man clothes and sweats and rationalizing it because I was working out an hour a day and am fairly active at work and doing physical activities like kayaking and skiing. But if you consume thousands of calories a day it doesn't matter. Only if you are an olympic swimmer can you blow off enough calories to counteract consuming that many calories. 

Many places now require restaurants to post calories in what they serve. If people knew what what they consumed daily they'd be horrified. The average person can't exercise that off. Many know and don't care. They like to eat. It's part of their daily routine and lifestyle and they are unwilling to make the effort so they deny it, rationalize it and carry on. 

I was unwilling to do that. I felt like crap. I hated how I looked and didn't even want my husband to look at me naked. I knew what was up and finally I'd had enough. I went on a drastic diet of 1000 calories a day and I worked out an hour/day doing cardio and toning exercises like planks, push ups, sit ups, etc. 

To lose weight you need reduce and count calories. To tone up and feel good you exercise. That's how it works. Eat less...move more. 

I went from a size 16 to a Size 3/4 and my waist is now at 28"..like I was back in college. My back aches went away too. I'm in better shape now then I was 10 years ago. It took me almost a year of hard work to do this.

Fad diets aren't enough..You have to change your lifestyle. I still count calories and work out, though I allow myself to eat a nice meal once in awhile but most of the time I'm counting calories and watching what I eat. If my clothes start getting tight and I don't like how I feel then I go back to being strict. You have to have a eating regimen you can live with day to day or else it won't last. 

But the fact is, in the end it's up to your wife. I would talk to her gently about how you feel and how much you'd appreciate if she'd lose weight and how you are worried about her health. 

Maybe she'll take it under advisement but as the old adage says, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink". It really is up to her and until she's fed up with her weight gain and wants to do something about it then it's not going to happen. That's when you are going to have to make some decisions. But chances are she'll keep gaining weight and look a lot like the middle aged parents at my daughter's college. That's when you have to decide if you can put up with living with an obese woman. 

It's pretty damn horrifiying to see. First it's the weight gain and then wearing baggy, ugly clothes and then it's the lack of care for their appearance in other ways, such as hair, makeup, etc. I call it Middle Age Syndrome. It's pretty amazing how common this is.


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

How about you take over the grocery shopping and meal preparations? Just an idea. I eat pretty healthily, I'm never hungry, I eat what I want when I want it. I'm 5'2 and weigh about 105. But what I buy is mostly healthy. When I buy junk, I buy it in small quantities and when it's gone it's gone. Anyway, I don't think that nagging her will produce any positive results. Instead of focusing on her weight, focus on the things you love about her. Whenever you find yourself thinking of criticism about her, turn your mind to things you like about her.



Unhappy2011 said:


> Last time I checked, society does not placate or sympathize with alcoholics and drug addicts who self medicate their emotional issues.
> 
> So why is it expected to walk on egg shells and give endless sympathy to people who are emotional eaters and are over weight as a result?
> 
> ...


Because you can totally eliminate drugs and alcohol from your life. You cannot eliminate all food from your life and live. I think the AA rules are not to drink any alcohol, ever, for the rest of your life. Because for an alcoholic, just one drink will usually lead to many more. Easier to just cut it all out than regulate yourself. Addicts do not have the ability to self-regulate. But a food addict can't cut all food out.

FWIW, I'm skinny, at the lowest end of my normal weight range. I'd like to gain 5 pounds, but when I'm really stressed, I react the opposite of how most people do. I get knots in my stomach and literally can't eat. With the way women are judged on their weight, I'm glad I don't struggle with a desire to overeat when stressed/depressed.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

381917 said:


> Because you can totally eliminate drugs and alcohol from your life. You cannot eliminate all food from your life and live. I think the AA rules are not to drink any alcohol, ever, for the rest of your life. Because for an alcoholic, just one drink will usually lead to many more. Easier to just cut it all out than regulate yourself. Addicts do not have the ability to self-regulate. But a food addict can't cut all food out.


Food addiction is very tough, but this line of thinking, which I've heard before, has an inherent flaw.

Most people aren't addicted to food in general. The overwhelming majority of food addictions center around carbohydrates high on the glycemic index. The addiction is in the taste and the "high", the temporary emotional upsurge, one gets from the rush of sugar found in mostly "white" carbs. Most food addicts aren't gorging themselves on lettuce, spinach, broccoli, squash, grapefruits, blueberries, baked chicken, and white flour free whole grain bread. Even when they eat large volumes of meat, it's normally paired with some variation of white bread, is breaded and fried itself, or with pasta or potato.

So to some extent, yes, it is very possible to avoid the specific kinds of food associated with addiction, for most people. The drug addict is not expected to forsake all drugs, just those of the addictive variety. He can still take quite a lot of drugs that don't fall into that category. The alcoholic is expected to avoid a specific kind of drink, not all drinks in general. The food addict, who is almost always the carbohydrate addict, can very much avoid trigger foods that almost always provide little more than empty calories, and little nutritional value. 

It's about letting go of our shoddy, westernized idea of what you're "suppose" to eat, and getting back to the basics of what your body actually needs.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Unhappy2011 said:


> ^^ you probably can't read a nutrition label any better than a post.
> 
> the lol is all mine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Um, yeah. Try being a type 1 diabetic for 20+ years.
My LIFE depends on knowing what I am eating. LOL

Food is a crutch for a lot of people. But it's not the SAME as drugs or alcohol, and should be approached differently.

I AGREE with you that the science should be taught. Society teaches us that drugs & alcohol aren't great, and moderation is legally enforced. Drink too much and drive.. you will be charged.

There is no food police. 

A lot of people just don't KNOW the facts. Show them... and they get to look around and go "wow, noboby eats like that". How can this be RIGHT if mainstream tv is all about commercials to eat fast food? Restaurants don't serve portions of vegetables that represent "nutrition", it's like a secret society that figures out how to eat and exercise. It's getting better, though! More and more people ARE learning, and their kids are too.


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

jaquen said:


> Food addiction is very tough, but this line of thinking, which I've heard before, has an inherent flaw.
> 
> Most people aren't addicted to food in general. The overwhelming majority of food addictions center around carbohydrates high on the glycemic index. The addiction is in the taste and the "high", the temporary emotional upsurge, one gets from the rush of sugar found in mostly "white" carbs. Most food addicts aren't gorging themselves on lettuce, spinach, broccoli, squash, grapefruits, blueberries, baked chicken, and white flour free whole grain bread. Even when they eat large volumes of meat, it's normally paired with some variation of white bread, is breaded and fried itself, or with pasta or potato.
> 
> ...


Well, a druggie can't take any of the drugs worth taking (joking! But ykwim, nothing that gives you any kind of buzz.) I don't know if I could live a happy life without ANY sugar or carbs. I think my life would then be consumed by thinking about food. But since I've never had a problem with drugs/alcohol/obesity, maybe I just don't get the addict mindset. I eat what I want pretty much when I want it, and I've never been overweight, even right after having my babies.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

381917 said:


> Well, a druggie can't take any of the drugs worth taking (joking! But ykwim, nothing that gives you any kind of buzz.) I don't know if I could live a happy life without ANY sugar or carbs. I think my life would then be consumed by thinking about food. But since I've never had a problem with drugs/alcohol/obesity, maybe I just don't get the addict mindset. I eat what I want pretty much when I want it, and I've never been overweight, even right after having my babies.


You are very lucky! I've struggled to stay thin all my life. I've cut out refined sugar and most starches and I can not lose these last few pounds, it's frusterating to no end due to eating 900-1200 calories a day. What helped me shed the weight was running. Of course it started out as walking, eventually I got faster and faster by pushing myself and running was my addiction. Now that I lay down or sit most the day, stationary biking is not cutting it. However, it's helping with me being more functional after my neck injury. I'm more mobile the more I exercise without increasing my pain to unbearable. I can clean the house and chicken coop daily. I still can not walk far though, which kills me inside. I have a very slow metabolism. I want to stay thin for myself, not anyone else. As I reach 40, my metabolism is even slower.

I gained 100lbs after 3 children. Food was my enemy. I did not hold back and I ended up with gestational diabetes. I was even running 6 miles a day with my last daughter and gained the weight, but my run turned into a jog. A week after I had her, I was running 3 miles and back to my 6 miles shortly after that. The weight melted off quickly until the day I stopped running.

Lack of food alone does not keep me thin. Every person is different in the way their body loses weight. It's a true fact that women's bodies store more fat and have much slower metabolisms then men. I tried putting on pounds with my husband by cooking high calorie meals for him. It didn't work. I went back to eating healthy. I want to be a good example for our children. Exercise is what kept my weight off. I looked great when I was running and racing in triathlons. I had much more confidence as well.

I may never lose this weight, but I'll keep trying. I'm not into the fad diets. I just cut my own portions down. I can live off of minimal food. I had to retrain my thinking to do so since I do love to eat, and I love cooking homemade foods. By the BMI index, I'm not overweight, but I'm at a healthy weight. Ugh. I think their numbers are a bit high. Having to be responsible for animals has kept me more active at home. I have not worked in 12 years after my husband begged me to quit my job and college. He wanted me home with him and the kids. I'm disabled now, so going back is out to work of the question. When i worked full time, I found time to run 3 miles a day. My husband loves me unconditionally. He does not mind the extra weight I carry. If he did, he would tell me in a kind way. He's still very much attracted to me and it shows. I'll still but lingerie for him, which he loves.

I'd probably be really unhappy if my husband mentioned my weight gain. I know he notices. I'm not ignorant. I weight a lot more now then when we married. More then 25 pounds for sure. I was underweight when I married my husband. 117 pounds at 5'10". I'm now 5'8" due to my neck injury. I have 2 herniated discs with permanent spinal cord damage, 2 lower back herniations. I had one disc repaired in my neck. Losing 2 inches of height shocked me.:/ I'm still within the BMI range. I will never get the toned body back, unless a miracle happens and I become pain free in my neck.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

381917 said:


> Well, a druggie can't take any of the drugs worth taking (joking! But ykwim, nothing that gives you any kind of buzz.) I don't know if I could live a happy life without ANY sugar or carbs. I think my life would then be consumed by thinking about food. But since I've never had a problem with drugs/alcohol/obesity, maybe I just don't get the addict mindset. I eat what I want pretty much when I want it, and I've never been overweight, even right after having my babies.


I didn't suggest going one's whole life without "any sugar or carbs". Even though I exist consistently, and happily, with very few carbohydrates (I can lose weight on a low carbohydrate diet even when I am sedentary, and if I'm exercising regularly the weight literally runs away from me), I know this isn't a lifestyle choice all can maintain. But regardless of your carb intake, white sugar is basically a poison to the human system, is extraordinarily destructive when ingested in large, and constant volume, and isn't necessary to run the human body at optimal levels. There are plenty of healthy ways to fulfill carbohydrate needs that don't involve the "whites".


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

jaquen said:


> I didn't suggest going one's whole life without "any sugar or carbs". Even though I exist consistently, and happily, with very few carbohydrates (I can lose weight on a low carbohydrate diet even when I am sedentary, and if I'm exercising regularly the weight literally runs away from me), I know this isn't a lifestyle choice all can maintain. But regardless of your carb intake, white sugar is basically a poison to the human system, is extraordinarily destructive when ingested in large, and constant volume, and isn't necessary to run the human body at optimal levels. There are plenty of healthy ways to fulfill carbohydrate needs that don't involve the "whites".


I completely agree with this. I substitute white refined sugar with honey or brown sugar. It's a much healthier way to eat. In baking, using honey or brown sugar does not make a big difference. We do keep white sugar on hand, but we don't use it often. Store boughten whole wheat bread still has white flour, so making a 100% honey whole wheat bread with homemade enhancers make it healthier, plus the recipe I have is really good. The kids do love it too.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Easy there Unhappy. One huge difference: you can 100 percent eliminate drugs and alcohol, not food. For an addict, total cut off via avoidance of people and locations(bars) is much easier. 

I am fit/thin mostly through a very good metabolism/genes and I also have heartburn which keeps menaway from high fat foods.



QUOTE=Unhappy2011;734096]Last time I checked, society does not placate or sympathize with alcoholics and drug addicts who self medicate their emotional issues.

So why is it expected to walk on egg shells and give endless sympathy to people who are emotional eaters and are over weight as a result?

What's the difference?
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jennifer871 (Oct 26, 2013)

dwinfield said:


> Sounds harsh, but the most effective way to get your spouse to lose weight is to instill dread in her, that is the dread of losing you to another woman. Don't state this overtly, but if you are in good shape yourself and are reasonably attractive, then go ahead and flirt with the waitress or cashier in front of your wife. Don't make a big deal out of it, just be cool. She'll get with the program soon enough. Sad to say but the fact is that right now she takes you for granted and is not motivated to discipline herself to lose weight, which takes a lot of effort and self control and can be difficult. A confrontational approach about the weight issue would be very unpleasant and probably wouldn't work, the key is to make her want to lose the excess baggage. A little healthy female competition will motivate her.


This is awful advice...




lamaga said:


> No one ever lost weight from being nagged about it. It's her body. Encourage joint activities that you both enjoy, but leave her alone and let her lose the weight when she decides she is ready.


This is better. She's your wife and you love her. Cut her some slack and realize she is just not ready. Nagging her and pressuring her is just going to push you two apart. Would you rather be with your slightly overweight wife or alone?


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## Jennifer871 (Oct 26, 2013)

Oops. As if I just posted on a thread from 2012


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## Kimberley17 (Oct 10, 2011)

I didn't read through the whole thread so I don't know if anyone mentioned this but how about planning a vacation to a nice warm, trpoical location? Somewhere where she'll have to wear a bathing suit? It could give her a reason to kickstart her weighloss with a 'goal' in mind. Just a thought. I work best when I have a goal or target date for certain things.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

jaquen said:


> If a man on here had said this, he'd be eaten alive.
> 
> What's the greater crime here, a man coming up with what you consider to be bad piece of relationship advice, or the fact that you apparently hate half of the human race?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Yeah, because TAM isn't filled with misogynistic comments. Though I agree the comment was uncalled for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Seems to be the night to raise the dead, I'm seeing LOTS of old zombie threads.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

The best thing a man can do to help his wife lose weight is to take over the menu planning, grocery shopping and cooking (or even one of those would be good). I've been trying to lose weight my entire adult life. I wasn't very successful at it because losing weight and keeping it off is one of the hardest things anyone can do. It means changing a variety of your habits. So it doesn't necessarily mean that she's depressed or harboring resentment or anything. There was a point I was going to the gym every morning and I couldn't lose weight. You taking your wife hiking on the weekends isn't going to help her lose weight. You have to focus on what you eat. The one time I was successful at losing weight when my H and I were together was when he cooked low-carb dinners for me.


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## StayInIt (Jul 27, 2012)

Have you ever looked into Bulletproof Coffee and Tim Ferris' Four Hour Body? It really helped me shift the baby weight. I used to keep fit through a physically demanding job that unfortunately left me with bad injuries. Just being able to take 30 pounds off without humiliating my crippled self at a gym was enough to boost my self esteem and pursue physical therapy to heal myself. My goal is to be able to run without the joints in my foot failing and then maybe a marathon. After years being pretty just, it is great to be able to look forward to doing all the fun things my husband like to do that were out of reach. Try going Bulletproof first and see if she will try it out of curiosity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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