# Husband TO friendly?



## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Hello...I have a question about husbands being TO friendly. Every time my husband and I go out he strikes up a conversation people in the neighborhood. I have noticed that it is mostly with just good looking women or men. Both. It has been other people to, but mostly just younger women and men. He is a very social guy, I get that, but it makes me look like a fool when I am standing there and he is talking to a women and I am being ignored or when I say something it doesn't matter. Is this flirting? Or just being social?? He will go into talking about things that doesn't even matter, like remodeling their home et... who cares! You don't even know these people! The other day we were at an local ice cream shop and a kids mom we know was there and he got to talking to her about her new home and why she moved ect...while I'm standing there looking stupid. I mean really getting into details that shouldn't even matter. Am I just being dumb here.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

He could be a social butterfly..... I get it from my dad. My wife will say they were looking at you like they thought you were nuts. I don't care. If more people were neighborly the world would be a better place. 

If they are being judgemental than they will have to answer for it in the end.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

This is me. I know everyone in our neighborhood. I go to a lot of community events, PTA events and saying hi to people on the street. Drives my H and kids nuts. But I always think it's important to know the people who lives around you. 

My DD said, I am becoming my MIL. I don't flirt. I just ask about people and I do want to know how they are doing. My H says I know everyone's business. Maybe, I do. But when he needs a favor, I know exactly who to ask for stuff. 

And people are nice to him and my kids because I am a nice neighbor. 

Get to know people, ask questions. 

Don't feel bad, he is not doing it to be spiteful. If he was flirting and making passes at people that would be different. But he sounds like he is very social and like meeting people. You can accept it or be moody and angry about it.


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## Big Tree (Jul 25, 2014)

I am like your husband. I need more social interaction. I stop to talk to waitresses, ticket takers, cashiers, hot dog vendors, people in elevators, etc. The topics of conversation are equally meaningless. It is about the social connection.

Do you need more social interaction with your husband?


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

I have a great social connection with my husband except when he is interacting with others. It is like I am not there. I am not spiteful. I just wanted to make sure it is not flirting is all.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

IMO striking up conversations with other women in front of you is awkward to say the least.

I wouldn't do it. How would he like it if you did this with other men????

Borders on disrespectful. At least he seems to spread it around.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Gay men tend to be more social and talkative. At least that is the stereotype that is portrayed on TV
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

It's hard to change someone's nature. In the same way that it is uninteresting to you and difficult for you to chat with people in the neighborhood, it is difficult for him and unappealing to him to NOT chat with people in the neighborhood. Meaning, he's not likely to change his natural sociability. 

My SO and I are both chatty with strangers. I can talk with almost anyone, a skill learned mostly from my job, but also my parents always had lots of people around and were friendly and helpful with neighbors. Same with his family. It is probably somewhat learned and somewhat natural. 

The bright side? He'll know who to ask for recommendations for the best contractors when you want to remodel the kitchen...


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Nice PhillyGuy....



I think I will try chattin it up with some guys. See how he likes it.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

In all seriousness, some people are just extroverted. Can and will talk to everyone and anyone. Don't think of him as chatting with women and men from the neighborhood. To him he is just chatting with neighbors.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

happynconfused said:


> Nice PhillyGuy....
> 
> 
> 
> I think I will try chattin it up with some guys. See how he likes it.


But would that be normal for you? Is that your personality or are you just trying to get back at him?

I think that would be a bad idea, maybe just talk to him and let him know of your insecurities.

Is that his personality or is it something new he just started?


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Its his personality. Its like he needs validation from people.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

HC,

So how does his body language, tone of voice and facial expressions change when he meets these people. Does he enter their personal space?

You should observe how he interacts with older people your kids yourself and etc in order to see what his baseline is.

My W does a similar thing even to the point of becoming hostile to me when she meets someone new, or when I first meet someone she has an established rapport with.

Tamat


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Sometimes I watch his body language. The only time he gets really close is when its loud that I have noticed (with women). But I will keep an eye out next time. One thing I have noticed a lot is when my sons female friends (15 ish) come over he always starts to act childish, like hitting them playfully (we have known many of them for years) but still, he is 40! Its very odd.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Marc878 said:


> IMO striking up conversations with other women in front of you is awkward to say the least.
> 
> I wouldn't do it. How would he like it if you did this with other men????
> 
> Borders on disrespectful. At least he seems to spread it around.



I also think that most guys might assume that the woman is looking for the third party in a 3some in these circumstances.

Personally, I would not like it if my husband did this and ALL the time. That means, just go shopping and do other errands we would have to add another hour or two to our schedule. Also, some of these women may assume that your husband is trying to hit on them.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

That's what I don't want them to think! And I'm standing right there! Makes me look a fool. I know he isn't shopping for a "3rd" person. But still makes me feel weird!


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

I have said something to him. He gets upset and says I must think he is some kind of creepy guy.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If I were you I'd set aside some time and tell him how this makes you feel.

Get your point across. Good communication is key. 

Don't look back and say I wish we'd talked about that.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

happynconfused said:


> I have said something to him. He gets upset and says I must think he is some kind of creepy guy.


That's because it is creepy and I'd bet everyone else is thinking the same.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Marc878 said:


> That's because it is creepy and I'd bet everyone else is thinking the same.


yeah, I agree. What kind of neighborhood do you live in that everyday you meet someone you have never met before. Is there that great of a turnover there?

It's one thing to go to a happy hour or neighborhood picnic and socialise; but I really don't see the point in regularly taking up the time of people you never met and have no idea that you will see again. 

If your husband can't tone it down, I am wondering how and how much this might infect the rest of your relationship. You certainly don't want any misunderstanding husbands feeling the need to understand their boundaries for their wives. Nor, do you want any lonely or creepy woman assuming that your husband led her on.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Nothing wrong with being friendly, but he should introduce you to these people, if they don't know you, too.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I also think that most guys might assume that the woman is looking for the third party in a 3some in these circumstances.


What kind of neighborhood do you live in where the automatic assumption when one person in a couple starts talking to you in an ice cream shop with their kids, is that they are looking for a threesome?

I am very confused by all these "creepy" and "threesome" and "weird" comments. They're in an ice cream shop together, walking down the street together, or whatever, and they run into a neighbor and he chats about how their home reno is going. 

Why is this considered creepy, weird or taking applications for a threesome? Do people never speak to their neighbors, and now that's considered a weird thing to do?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> Nothing wrong with being friendly, but he should introduce you to these people, if they don't know you, too.


It sounds like they are meeting and running into these people together, like in the ice cream shop. It sounds like she doesn't like talking to people, and he does, so she sits around bored because she isn't contributing to the conversation and doesn't care to because she doesn't really care about getting to know the people in their neighborhood. AND she thinks he is weird and creepy for talking to the neighbors. Unless I've missed something.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

norajane said:


> It sounds like they are meeting and running into these people together, like in the ice cream shop. It sounds like she doesn't like talking to people, and he does, so she sits around bored because she isn't contributing to the conversation and doesn't care to because she doesn't really care about getting to know the people in their neighborhood. AND she thinks he is weird and creepy for talking to the neighbors. Unless I've missed something.


yes, it seems that way, I took it that way, too. But, he could introduce or maybe she could extend her hand to shake the other person's hand...and then, maybe become part of the conversation. Not sure why he feels the need to get into others' business, and share his...but to each their own. I'm gregarious, but also private. I don't wish to share too much of my private life with neighbors, unless they are people I'd socialize with, etc.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

The only "creepy" part I see is him playfully hitting your son's 15 year old female friends. 

This needs to stop, lest it gets misinterpreted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

As for the neighbors when he starts a convo, inject yourself into it. "Oh, hubby, I don't think I've met your friend, my name is Happy..."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Big Tree (Jul 25, 2014)

All of my social interactions are innocent and safe to my marriage.  If my wife tried to mirror my behavior in a passive aggressive way, it would seriously diminish my view of her. Also, I would be disappointed if my wife kept score of the time I spent socializing with others (assuming I was meeting her needs first).


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

happynconfused said:


> That's what I don't want them to think! And I'm standing right there! Makes me look a fool. I know he isn't shopping for a "3rd" person. But still makes me feel weird!



It could be sign oof pssive agressive behavior. He knows how you feel, how awkward it is, and he likes it that way.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

norajane said:


> What kind of neighborhood do you live in where the automatic assumption when one person in a couple starts talking to you in an ice cream shop with their kids, is that they are looking for a threesome?
> 
> I am very confused by all these "creepy" and "threesome" and "weird" comments. They're in an ice cream shop together, walking down the street together, or whatever, and they run into a neighbor and he chats about how their home reno is going.
> 
> Why is this considered creepy, weird or taking applications for a threesome? Do people never speak to their neighbors, and now that's considered a weird thing to do?


Some people live in cities where neighborhoods are more porous and where the demographics are more varied. The OP did not specify what type of neighborhood she lives in. We only know that there is an ice cream shop in the vicinity.

OP, I am curious as to how thee conversations go. Does he say "Lovely weather." "Great sweater!" "Wow, that's a big sccop of ice cream." 

And then if the woman is receptive,he continues a conversation. Is that how it goes?


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## Happykat (Mar 29, 2016)

Happyconfused, what do you want from us (forum-users)? What do you want to achieve in your relationship?


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

I got flak from the wife for recommending tires to a lady on FB once. Some women are sensitive about it. Just know your husband still has eyes out for you, or he would not be your husband.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

happynconfused said:


> Hello...I have a question about husbands being TO friendly. Every time my husband and I go out he strikes up a conversation people in the neighborhood. I have noticed that it is mostly with just good looking women or men. Both. It has been other people to, but mostly just younger women and men. He is a very social guy, I get that, but it makes me look like a fool when I am standing there and he is talking to a women and I am being ignored or when I say something it doesn't matter. Is this flirting? Or just being social?? He will go into talking about things that doesn't even matter, like remodeling their home et... who cares! You don't even know these people! The other day we were at an local ice cream shop and a kids mom we know was there and he got to talking to her about her new home and why she moved ect...while I'm standing there looking stupid. I mean really getting into details that shouldn't even matter. Am I just being dumb here.



Too Friendly??

Too Disrespecful to you!

And yes, this is not even flirting, it is trying to get in their pants with words, right with you standing there.....

'Man up' or have your selfconfidence destroyed.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Uranium238 said:


> *I got flak from the wife for recommending tires to a lady on FB once.* Some women are sensitive about it. Just know your husband still has eyes out for you, or he would not be your husband.


It's when I read things like this -that I feel some spouses are way over the top.. but then I wonder.. did something happen to them either in the past that they were betrayed .. or the husband has crossed some line -and she's worried he may go there again...

Until you hear more of the back story... it's hard to tell where the root is.. 

I think I'd go by his history more than anything else in evaluating these things. does he have a history of chumming it up with pretty ladies... then working his way into relationships with them.. did he leave an ex by being too friendly with YOU Happynconfused?

@happynconfused said:


> The only time he gets really close is when its loud that I have noticed (with women). But I will keep an eye out next time.* One thing I have noticed a lot is when my sons female friends (15 ish) come over he always starts to act childish, like hitting them playfully (we have known many of them for years) but still, he is 40! Its very odd *.


 Hitting them playfully... what are they doing?? Maybe I am too old fashioned but I don't think he should be touching 15 yr olds in any way..


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Uranium238 said:


> I got flak from the wife for recommending tires to a lady on FB once. Some women are sensitive about it. Just know your husband still has eyes out for you, or he would not be your husband.


1. Are you as helpful to your wife as you are to women on FB?

I saw an e-mail from my husband's special friend in which she asked for some free legal advice. I breathed a sigh of relief to see that he responded the way most lawyer do: "that's not my area." 

Mind you, by the time that I saw that e-mail, he had already turned down the offer to help me with some legal advice.

2. Do you get upset when men help your wife?

At a time when my (future) husband and I were going through the awkward moment of trying to(subconsciously) decide whether we were just seeing each other from week to week or whether we were bf and gf, I did tell him that when we were with my friends, I expected him to treat me like a girlfriend. 

Well, one time were at a happy hour. HE asked me at one point, do you expect me to buy you another drink. This would have been the second tht evening. Well, with that attitude, I told him "No." A little while later, a man that I was speaking to offered me a drink and I accepted. And future husband was pi$$ed. Strange, my future husband wanted to neither buy me a drink nor accept one from other people.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> 1. Are you as helpful to your wife as you are to women on FB?
> 
> 
> 2. Do you get upset when men help your wife?



With responses to your questions:

1) Very helpful actually, as often as I can be to her. She works very hard as a SAHM. We have our huge conflicts, but I try to keep it together. She has always been the type that feels like she needs to catch me giving eyes to some girl walking by in order to go ballistic. That has not happened.

2) No not at all. It's not like they are asking for my wife's number...to which I would probably go to jail for overreacting to a move such as that... then again, or would I be overreacting if someone hit on my wife.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Marc878 said:


> happynconfused said:
> 
> 
> > I have said something to him. He gets upset and says I must think he is some kind of creepy guy.
> ...


To Hell with being neighborly. Let's all be those who never say hi and live like a recluse. And how bout we all walk by the woman being raped/assaulted because....you know it's none of my business and I do not want to get involved.

Bull****...the man/woman who is neighborly, like me, IS the one who will intervene and stop the injustice. But then again maybe that is due to being raised in the rural Okla. Along eith other locals like Blake Shelton.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Uranium238 said:


> I got flak from the wife for recommending tires to a lady on FB once. Some women are sensitive about it. Just know your husband still has eyes out for you, or he would not be your husband.


Don't change you...there is nothing wrong with being a helpful neighborly person. 

I could see a woman in a bikini driving a Jeep and I would only be interested in the mud grips on the ride.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Divinely Favored said:


> To Hell with being neighborly. Let's all be those who never say hi and live like a recluse. And how bout we all walk by the woman being raped/assaulted because....you know it's none of my business and I do not want to get involved.
> 
> Bull****...the man/woman who is neighborly, like me, IS the one who will intervene and stop the injustice. But then again maybe that is due to being raised in the rural Okla. Along eith other locals like Blake Shelton.


oh dear, from one extreme to the other. So is getting raped in your neighborhod as much an everyday occurrence as your chatting up the ladies there?

Do you only save the ladies who have chatted x number of minutes with you each month?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

There's a difference in "chatting up the ladies" and being "neighborly". She said he chats with the guys too. 

My response was a sarcastic reaction to another poster calling him creepy for being neighborly. Doesn't matter if its rape, assaults, mugging or child abuse. Thing is people who are neighborly seen to care more for people in general and be more willing to intervene and try to stop it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> but it makes me look like a fool when I am standing there and he is talking to a women and I am being ignored or when I say something it doesn't matter.





> The other day we were at an local ice cream shop and a kids mom we know was there and he got to talking to her about her new home and why she moved ect...while I'm standing there looking stupid.


I find these two remarks interesting as we consider the neighborliness of everyone involved.

If some man buttonholed me for a conversation --whether in the neighborhood or at a private party -- and his wife was by his side, I would certainly make the effort to bring her (or him) into the conversation. 

Why other women would want to ignore their female neighbor might be something else needed to be explored.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I know this might be a little be heavy-handed, but come on folks, the guy is social. He likes people. In this day and age, when everyone is staring at their phones, and nobody says "hello" or smiles any more, this is the kind of thing we need more of - social interaction.

The problem, if there is any, is OP's insecurities, and frankly, that shouldn't be her husbands problem.

The bulk of my young adult life, I was quiet and reserved. I wouldn't say shy, but I definitely wasn't outgoing. I found myself in 100's of these situations, where I felt ignored or invisible.

The solution is painfully simple - join the conversation! Introduce YOURSELF, if your partner/spouse hasn't.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> I have a great social connection with my husband except when he is interacting with others. It is like I am not there. I am not spiteful. I just wanted to make sure it is not flirting is all.


I'm like your H. The only difference is my W is included in what I say. Its always "we" and not I. For example, "We remodeled our bathroom. My W selected the best color." This gets my W into the conversation. 

IMO your H is not flirting. He has the gift of gab. However he needs to include you into the conversation.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I see no issue with your H being friendly and social. Some people have that type of personality and I don't think a spouse should ever try to squash that. What bothers me, however, is you say while he is talking to another woman, you stand there awkwardly and are ignored. Why would he ignore you? You should let him know you would like him to make an effort to include you in the conversation. Perhaps you are more shy than he and he could help you partake as opposed to excluding you? My husband is more outgoing than I but I can never imagine a situation where he would let me feel excluded or ignored while talking to another woman.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My husband and I go to things together like happy hours that other social groups organise. 

There have been times when men approach me to talk. I immediately introduce them to my husband. And even he has said he knows those guys wanted to hit on me.

imagine if I didn't clear that up as quickly as I do.


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