# My Stepson



## WhatComesNext (Jul 6, 2011)

I have two daughters ages 16 and 13 and a stepson age 14. My stepson has lived with us for two years. He recently was caught video taping my 13 yeard old daughter while she was in the shower. We actually found 3 videos so this is something he did more than once. Needless to say he is now living with him Mother but the aftermath of his actions is ripping my family apart. There is so much more to this story but it makes me so angry that I'm going to have to tell it in pieces.


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## motherof4 (Jul 3, 2011)

I have a stepson, two daughters and a biological son. 

I have a fear of that very thing. I talk to my girls and boys for that matter about dressing appropriately, not letting anyone touch them in there private areas, and not looking at or touching someone else inappropriately. 

If I put myself in your shoes, I could find myself being extremely angry and wanting to blame my husband for bring his son to our family and causing this to our daughter. But after taking a deep breath and thinking more clearly I would know that my husband would be just as devastated as I would be and its NOT his fault. 

I would get help for your daughter and anyone else in the family that is affected by this. As a mother I wouldn't want my stepson around my daughter at all at this point and maybe even ever. I still think that your husband should have a relationship with his son and try to help as much as he can. 

Sorry, that has got to be sooo touch! As a mother we want to love and protect our kids but there is nothing you could have done to prevent this : (


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## WhatComesNext (Jul 6, 2011)

When this happened my 1st reaction was to go to the police. But because it is my husbands son, I did not. All I asked was for him to move back in with his mother who lives a little more than hour from us. This took place at the end of the school year so we went to school to see if we could transfer my stepson or if he had enough grades to end his year early. The school agreed that he could end early. This was important as he and my daughter are in the same grade at the same school. She is completely humiliated and uncomfortable so I don't think I was asking too much from my husband or my stepsons mother. While my Husband agreed to allow him to leave the school year a little early, his mother did not. She would drive an hour to drop him off at school in the morning and would then tell him to walk to his dads house after school. Because my husband does not like to deal with his ex wife he did not fight her on it. I was not asking my husband to end his relationship with his son but to take him out of the situation. I feel as though my husband disregarded my daughter and me. I understand that he is in a hard spot because his son did this but thats just it.... his son did this. Oh and the best part is when my husband needed a day off just to get away, I found out he took his son to Magic Mountain. Nothing like teaching your kids consequences by enjoying a day at the amusement park. If I sound bitter it's because I am.


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## Edge (Mar 30, 2011)

Go to the cops. Who knows what else he did. I hope you kept the tapes.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

You did the right thing making him live with mom. he should be in counseling as well to resolve whatever issues he has that made him do something like that.

Your first priority is to protect your girls and make sure they are ok of course but I wouldn't push the boy away completely, it may make whatever issues he has worse...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Here's my thoughts... You have an obligation to your daughter. To help her recover from this, and to protect her. Your husband has an obligation to his son. To get him straightened out so this doesn't happen again.

As far as I'm concerned, if my stepson did that to my daughter, he would not be welcome back in the house until a lot of steps were done. Things like some form of therapy, an acknowlegment and apology to the harmed individuals, etc. And even then, he would likely not be allowed in the house by himself. 

Your daughter deserves to be supported and helped. Allowing the person who did this to her back into the house is NOT supporting her and helping her recover, I don't think.

Your husband needs to suck it up and deal with his ex-wife. There's a reason she's an ex-wife, and you and your family should be more important than she is. Tell him to take the skirt off, put on some big boy pants, and tell her how things are going to be.

What ARE they doing to help the step-son? Pretending it never happened?

C


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## WhatComesNext (Jul 6, 2011)

My stepson is not allowed in my house at this time and at this point I'm not sure when/if he will be again.

I know that his mother did take him to see a therapist but I don't know all the details about it. My daughter is also seeing someone and this forum is how I am dealing with it.

My stepson has always gotten into trouble in one form or another. It has always irratated me that when he gets into trouble my husband spends extra time with him and does fun things. Don't get me wrong.... I'm all for giving kids extra attention but do it when they are not misbehaving. The only thing he is teaching his son it that if you act out, you get rewarded. Oh, and yes, I have expressed the way I feel about this to my husband.

At first I was sking myself, how long is it going to be before my husband leaves me because his som is not welcome in our home? Now, I'm starting to question, how long before I can't deal with this any more? I love my husband but this is driving me crazy.


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

You did the right things. I have a twelve year old Stepson who I've had problems with over the years and within the last six to nine months I noticed he would get a little "handsy" with his seven year old sister (my daughter). It would generally happen while they were wrestling or tickling one another and I've seperated them and commented on it to my wife. She just has blown it off, but having had two experiences with girls I knew growing up having been abused/molested I take it very seriously. I've also had to get on to my wife about wearing clothes because she's usually naked at night and early in the morning and when the kids were younger didn't think anything about being nude infront of them. I've just told her that her oldest son (the 12yr old) is getting older and she needs to watch what she does around him.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I think you did the right thing. 

Honestly, if it were me, I don't know that I'd stay married to the man. Not because I wouldn't love him anymore, because I would. But for me, I wouldn't be able to allow his son back into my home, but I also wouldn't want to interfere in his relationship with son, and I would feel that not allowing his son into our home would interfere. Unless he could assure me he didn't feel that way and that his relationship with his son would continue as before and not be at all altered (except as necessary to deal with what happened, of course), and even then, I think I'd have that little doubt in the back of my mind. 

You have to put your daughter first, and that is exactly what you did. Don't feel guilty for that. As for your husband rewarding his son...well, not much you can do about that. You can express to your husband what you think of that, but it doesn't mean he'll change. 

Just stick to your guns and don't let your stepson be around your daughter.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

greeneyeddolphin said:


> I think you did the right thing.
> 
> Honestly, if it were me, I don't know that I'd stay married to the man. Not because I wouldn't love him anymore, because I would. But for me, I wouldn't be able to allow his son back into my home, but I also wouldn't want to interfere in his relationship with son, and I would feel that not allowing his son into our home would interfere. Unless he could assure me he didn't feel that way and that his relationship with his son would continue as before and not be at all altered (except as necessary to deal with what happened, of course), and even then, I think I'd have that little doubt in the back of my mind.
> 
> ...


You did the right thing. My 12 year old stepson attempted to molest my then 4 year-old daughter. He was not allowed back in house or around her ever again. 15 years ago and she's seen him maybe 5 times and only since she was young adult - like 16. It was a huge factor in the demise of that marriage but she's worth it.
ETA: I encourage relationship between H and stepson, just not around daughter, but he wanted to pretend it never happened. He never went to counseling - so no chance. It was sad - family had to disinclude him or my daughter and I from weddings or reunions. The was all done through CPS. No counseling for him NC with my kids.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Allow me to possibly be the odd man out here, and ask for a little more detail.

Did your stepson "just" (I'll clarify the qualifier here in a moment) film your daughter(s), or go beyond voyeurism and attempt some form of aggression?

The reason I ask is to make sure the punishment is proportionate to the crime. I can remember when I was a 14 year old boy, seeing a live naked girl was like a holy grail. I won't pretend that what he did was acceptable or harmless, but it may indicate that it's time for "The Talk," with an extra emphasis on boundaries and what is and isn't appropriate as opposed to exile from the family home. If, however, there is a genuine reason to fear for the girls' safety or that the stepson may escalate, I can understand the outcome as presented.

Just trying to get a fuller picture here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhatComesNext (Jul 6, 2011)

There were a couple other things that happened. Like when he 1st moved in with us, a commercial came on tv with a sexy looking girl and my stepson was sitting next to my other daughter on the couch. When he saw the sexy girl on tv he began to maturbate under a blanket with my oldest daughte sitting right by him. He was 12 at the time. At that time his Dad had a talk with him.... he didn't get into trouble, it was just explained that it wasn't appropriate and he needs to do that stuff in private ect.

More recently in March he was suspended from school for poking a girl in the side and continuing to do it even after she asked him to stop. When she got mad at him he told her he hoped she would get raped. 

It's not like he accidently walked in on my daughter while she was changing. the videos show him walking down the hall, opening the door to the bathroom and putting the ipod camera down pointing at the shower... next thing you see is my daughter stepping out of the shower and once she leaves the bathroom you see him come in real quick and pick up the camera. He had 3 of these videos that I saw.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Thanks. That puts things in a bit more perspective, and makes the response to it much more understandable.

(For the record...didn't think he'd filmed her accidentally, but was wondering if it was a matter of a hormonal 14 year old boy inappropriately seizing on an opportunity to see a naked girl. With the other occurrences, I certainly understand not just having "The Talk" and putting him in the proverbial dog house for a while.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

PBear said:


> Here's my thoughts... You have an obligation to your daughter. To help her recover from this, and to protect her. Your husband has an obligation to his son. To get him straightened out so this doesn't happen again.
> 
> As far as I'm concerned, if my stepson did that to my daughter, he would not be welcome back in the house until a lot of steps were done. Things like some form of therapy, an acknowlegment and apology to the harmed individuals, etc. And even then, he would likely not be allowed in the house by himself.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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