# How do I tell him or should I?



## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

I am having problems with sexual dysfunction. I am on some medication that I can't live without that has almost completely killed my ability to be aroused. I still have desire, but not much arousal. I think some pornographic DVDs for couples would help me in the arousal department, plus it would give us ideas how to spice up our sex life since we just basically do the same 2-3 things. I have seen pornographic movies in the past when I stayed in a hotel and they are quite effective in the arousal department, but I have never told my husband this. We have only know eachother for a year and a half and I am still a little embarrassed. I am worried he will think less of me if I tell him I am aroused by this. He has a good friend who used to be a phone sex operator and he doesn't seem bothered by this. He told me just the other day his mother has been to a strip club before which I would never dream of doing. I know if I went to a sex therapist that they might even suggest this since I'm having problems with arousal, but I'm too embarrassed to suggest it myself. I've heard sex therapists suggesting this before, not personally, but on the air. 

Also, aside from a couples video watched together I really wouldn't want him looking at pornography. The thought of him looking at younger, bigger-breasted women alone would really bother me. As far as I know he doesn't look at porn and I am greatful. 

Do you even think this is a good idea or could it be bad for my marriage?


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

CS sorry to hear about your arousal issues. 

Has your husband ever given any indication to you that he has watched or would like to watch pornography?


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

He has never said that he would like to watch pornography. He's told me he's been to a strip club before. We were watching "Weeds" tonight and part of the story took place on a porn set. We both thought the storyline was funny. He's a guy and my guess is that he has watched it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you ever discussed his thoughts on porn? You might want to go there and to let him know that you are ok with it. Then in that confersation you can bring up your thoughts about how it can help you.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

You are on meds that you can't live without. That is not your fault.

Result is a low sex drive. Not your fault.

Porn really helps you get aroused.

Tell your husband everything. Watch porn together.

This will not ruin your marriage because he will understand.

By not telling him this for many years, little to no sex, is the marriage/relationship killer.

If you don't want him checking out hot younger women, try different meds, if that's available. Tell your doctor about this.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Then find mature BBW porn. Look you assume he likes younger women but there's a reason that mature and BBW and anything under the sun is out there. Because different people have different tastes. And if you haven't talked about what he likes then you don't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lovinghusband32 (Dec 4, 2012)

Am I right in thinking this is a new problem? 
Just be honest about your thoughts and feelings. Don't wait a long time either. Tell him. He will understand. 
I always want my wife to feel comfortable enough to tell me anything. Especially what her turn ons/offs are.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

There's a couple of ways to handle this. First, the straight forward approach. Tell him you want to be aroused and porn will help you do that. You can ask him to join you or ask him to cool his heels in the kitchen while you "get ready".

Or, you can just watch it when you can without mentioning it, get aroused and attack him when ready.

But remember... if you don't get aroused somehow and aren't taking care of him sexually, the emotional bond will start to falter so get on it as soon as possible.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Honesty is always the best policy. 

If porn will help, then tell him so. But be warned it could start him down a dangerous path. 

My best opinion is a sex therapist- embarrassed or not.


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