# searching for pics and vids of women on Facebook



## thesky1291 (Aug 11, 2014)

Just wondering how others would feel.
After the birth of our first child, my husband became very distant... like we did not have sex for my whole pregnancy. Didn't have sex until 4 months pp. and then only did it twice a month after that. I later found out that he had emotional affairs and watched porn on a daily basis. That was 3 years ago. We have come a long way. I forgave him for a lot of things (obviously) and we were doing better than ever. I never usually cared about porn - until he started replacing me with it. I haven't found porn or anything on his phone or computer for a while, so I was happy. Sex life is okay (2 times a week, I'd rather way more though). But I just discovered that he is still looking at other women... not porn necessarily, but watching videos on Facebook of girls in panties dancing, top less, etc. Searching for Facebook pages called "big booty white girls" etc. I realize that a lot of guys do this, and that some people are fine with it, but I am just not happy about it. I would rather him watch actual porn than look at girls on Facebook.
Just curious as to how others would feel if they found this.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

thesky1291 said:


> . I would rather him watch actual porn than look at girls on Facebook.


Curious why, does Facebook make it seem more real?


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## thesky1291 (Aug 11, 2014)

Yeah.. I mean, they are real girls just being ****ty. Dancing for your husband isn't ****ty, but posting it on Facebook is. 
Anytime I feel like he is doing that, when he could have me, i feel offended. Some of the times he was doing it, I was home.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

thesky1291 said:


> Yeah.. I mean, they are real girls just being ****ty. Dancing for your husband isn't ****ty, but posting it on Facebook is.
> Anytime I feel like he is doing that, when he could have me, i feel offended. Some of the times he was doing it, I was home.


Very simple, it is no different then porn in that it makes you uncomfortable and there is a good chance his sexual energy is once again being diverted from you. Your H needs to be made aware of this. If he cannot respect your boundaries then there are bigger issues. All he has done is replace one vice with another ...


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## thesky1291 (Aug 11, 2014)

Well the only main difference for me is that after having a child, even though it was 3 years ago, I still sort of struggle with body image. I know I shouldn't be that way, because I have lost all of the weight, and am a naturally thin girl, but still. It makes me feel like I am not good enough or something. In porn, you are usually watching a girl and guy go at it. These videos are of girls only. Shaking their a$# right in front of the camera. 
When we were struggling before, I was seeing a counselor on my own. She thought that boundaries were a big issue us, so she gave me a few books to read. I guess I need to re visit those. 
What do others do when your spouse crosses a boundary? Is this type of situation "crossing the boundaries" for you?
I mean, do i up and leave because of this? I just find that to be silly. But how do I get my point across?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Do you have full access to all his online accounts (email, facebook, websites, etc...)? Of course to start, confront him about this, hear his side of the story, and then work from there. If he truly cares for you he will respect your viewpoint and do whatever it takes to regain your trust.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

That sounds like about the tamest kind of porn imaginable, which is a good thing.

Have you tried dressing (or undressing) like one of the videos and telling him you want him to watch?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

technovelist said:


> That sounds like about the tamest kind of porn imaginable, which is a good thing.
> 
> Have you tried dressing (or undressing) like one of the videos and telling him you want him to watch?


Even better, she should upload a video of herself on facebook under big booty white girls and wait for his reaction when he finds it :grin2:


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## thesky1291 (Aug 11, 2014)

No... I mean I'm not really a stripping/dancing kind of girl. Otherwise I can't imagine he'd have anything else to complain about. I am adventurous in other ways. 
Another reason I am insecure is because he has rejected me in the past (around the time of and right after pregnancy) so I just don't feel comfortable enough with him to do somethings. I was never like that with my ex. My husband just doesn't make me feel sexy... I don't feel like I can just walk up to him and dance or strip.. He'd probably laugh.


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## thesky1291 (Aug 11, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> technovelist said:
> 
> 
> > That sounds like about the tamest kind of porn imaginable, which is a good thing.
> ...



Now that is funny!!!


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

thesky1291 said:


> No... I mean I'm not really a stripping/dancing kind of girl. Otherwise I can't imagine he'd have anything else to complain about. I am adventurous in other ways.
> Another reason I am insecure is because he has rejected me in the past (around the time of and right after pregnancy) so I just don't feel comfortable enough with him to do somethings. I was never like that with my ex. My husband just doesn't make me feel sexy... I don't feel like I can just walk up to him and dance or strip.. He'd probably laugh.


That is sad if true, but are you sure that's how he would react? How do you know?


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## thesky1291 (Aug 11, 2014)

It would just be awkward. I don't know why our sex life is so damn awkward lol.
I feel like we are not compatible with sex.

I've never experienced this kind of uncomfortableness with sex. 
I just really feel like he would laugh at me.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

thesky1291 said:


> No... I mean I'm not really a stripping/dancing kind of girl. Otherwise I can't imagine he'd have anything else to complain about. I am adventurous in other ways.
> Another reason I am insecure is because he has rejected me in the past (around the time of and right after pregnancy) so I just don't feel comfortable enough with him to do somethings. I was never like that with my ex. My husband just doesn't make me feel sexy... I don't feel like I can just walk up to him and dance or strip.. He'd probably laugh.


I remember rejecting my wife sexually around the time of her first pregnancy because I was super stressed out about providing for our growing family. I was also stressed out that something could go wrong and hurt the baby, like perhaps spreading flu germs going around at work. So awkwardly enough, my reasons to reject her were because I was preoccupied with protecting her and keeping her safe.

Regarding him not making you feel sexy and him watching porn, just be super passive aggressive and throw extraordinary awkward sexual temper tantrums to freak him out. Place a lockbox under your side of the bed and tell him to keep out of it that you have all your sex toys inside of it (just put chocolates or cookies inside)! If he wants to know what is inside, tell him if he guesses correct that you will allow him to watch you using it or perhaps you might even use it with him. If he can't take it and demand to know what is inside, make him perform any sexual act on you that you have always dreamed of and tell him that only then you will give him the key (don't let him orgasm!). Then when he opens the box and finds chocolates or whatever snack you have hidden inside, let him have one!

THEN, look at him and smile super big and tell him that was just your decoy lock box!

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

After everything, does he really have room to be doing stupid shyt like this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I feel lie Peacem. porn is just porn, more about sexual relief. Real women on facebook, "girls next door" - that would bother me much more. This fantasy is not only about pure sex, but about romance, flirt, adventure.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

WandaJ said:


> I feel lie Peacem. porn is just porn, more about sexual relief. Real women on facebook, "girls next door" - that would bother me much more. This fantasy is not only about pure sex, but about romance, flirt, adventure.


FB definitely has a more real feeling to it versus a site like Pornhub, especially when you consider one of the main purposes of FB is to connect people (whereas Pornhub the goal is just to spank it to a plumber or nurse lol).


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## thesky1291 (Aug 11, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> I feel lie Peacem. porn is just porn, more about sexual relief. Real women on facebook, "girls next door" - that would bother me much more. This fantasy is not only about pure sex, but about romance, flirt, adventure.



YES YES this is exactly what bothers me! I would way rather him watch porn.


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