# Separate Accounts



## Unwind80 (Aug 15, 2012)

I was surprised that I didn't find more threads about this.

My wife and I have always had money problems. She wants to spend it, I want to save it. She has mentioned that we should separate our accounts, but I always told her that it would cause more problems than it would solve. I handle paying all of the bills, and try to hold us both responsible for sticking to a budget.

Well last week my wife moved out of the house, and I guess we will be separated for some time (I don't think she is filing divorce papers at least.) We are in the process of separating our accounts now as part of the marriage separation.

My question is: If we get back together, should we keep the accounts separate? I know people have done this before, and I would love to hear how it has worked out.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

We have three accounts. One for each of us and one joint. Then, we agree up front what is needed to cover the household bills. After that, we are responsible for our own accounts. If one of us runs out, it is our own problem. This works out great for us.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

We have separate accounts. We are each responsible for paying some things, dependant on our level of income. I earn a much lower income & it is very variable so sometime H has to top me up. I do try to make those times infrequent.
I am the spender in our relationship, this has led me down some dark financial paths. I don't fully trust myself to go back to joint accounts.
Should anything happen to H though, I can log into his account & transfer money out, but I would never do this while he is still alive & functioning.
So, if you do run separate accounts, you do need to have a plan should something suddenly happen to you & your wife needs money in a hurry.


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## Unwind80 (Aug 15, 2012)

Thanks guys for the replies. I can definitely see the up side to doing this, and I hope we stay together long enough to give it a try.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

I think it's important for each person to have some money, not necessarily a lot, that is "theirs", and for which they don't need to account to the other partner. Separate accounts are the way to accomplish this. 

When my STBXW's work went away, she didn't have any money that she felt was truly hers, and she felt that she had to come to me for scraps. I didn't realize that she felt that way until she left, and went to my mother looking for some money. I never thought about it, because to me, the money was all in a pool. I had my account, which is where my pay was directly deposited. Each month, I would transfer a set amount into the joint account, for household expenses. If she wanted, I would have also transferred money into her personal account, so she could have some 'mad money'. All my financial transactions (investments, savings, company stock options, etc.) were all open books for her, but she never asked about them, and was completely disinterested when I tried to show her so that she would know if something happened to me.

Bottom line, each person needs some autonomy, and sense of control of some of the finances, but I also think a joint account for the family budget is the right way to go.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Both my wife and I have separate accounts.
We each have our share of responsibilities to handle.
After that, she spends her money as she sees fit.
We had tried that joint account in the beginning and it caused much disagreement,and she felt powerless.Funny thing is that whenever I am out of cash she always has my back.

I'm not sayin that is the way it should be,
But it works for us.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

My husband and I are both retired military and I work post-retirement. We have several sources of income that come in every month. All of my income and his military retirement go into a joint account. From that account all household bills are paid and most non-household items are bought (small).

His VA disability goes into a separate account that I do not have access to.

This is to buy his toys or anything large that HE wants.

It has also been used for emergencies (when our AC went out last year, when our home flooded this year).

This seems to work for us and there are no issues. But then again, at this point in our lives, our income stream is great enough that there are really no issues anyway.


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## preets (Aug 29, 2012)

Having separate accounts doesn't work at all. All depends on your understanding and trust. I believe you making budgets and she overruling them. The best possible thing would be talk with her and discuss your incomes and expenditures and future plans (may be for your kids). You have not mentioned if she is earning self or is dependent on you. If the later is the case then you have to control everything. You can fix a pocket money for her so she can spend only that much money. But if she is earning then also as per your budget you can load each other 50-50 in expenses. In that case you can have separate account.


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## Unwind80 (Aug 15, 2012)

My wife out earns me by a long shot.

The trouble we have with our joint accounts is me being the 'budget police'. We come up with budgets together, and when I try to say that we can't do something because we will be over budget, I am the bad guy. I'm tired of that, it is a major source of frustration.

So lets say that we do manage to get back together and have separate accounts. She wants to go out to a nice dinner. I can't afford it. Do I just say that I'll go if she buys??

What happens when the air conditioner goes out on the house? She won't have any savings because she spends everything she has. So I am stuck paying the entire cost of the repair?

She wants a vacation, and and I can't afford to go...

I am not trying to be difficult, I just see these scenarios that will develop, and have absolutely no idea of how it would go.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

Unwind80 said:


> My wife out earns me by a long shot.
> 
> The trouble we have with our joint accounts is me being the 'budget police'. We come up with budgets together, and when I try to say that we can't do something because we will be over budget, I am the bad guy. I'm tired of that, it is a major source of frustration.
> 
> ...


Part of your budgeting should include savings for home upkeep and for vacations. Those items should be in a joint savings account that gets automatic deposits. 

Who can pay for dinner out? If that's the level of pettiness between you in your relationship, then joint vs. individual bank accounts are the least of your worries.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Well... say you get back together, have separate accounts, as well as a joint savings account. We do this. We added each other to both accounts instead of a separate "joint" account. (I guess it's actually two joint accounts!) But, one is mine where my pay is direct deposited, and the other is his where his check goes. The bills are split according to income, and timing. He actually pays the bills, sometimes by moving money around or paying certain bills from certain accounts. We also have a joint checking account that we try to keep an emergency cushion in. 

Joint credit cards for emergency use only. Every year it seems there is something big that we have to cough up money for.... but we're doing alright with it. A/C one year, then the furnace.... then the whole garage door. This years goal...new siding on the house. 

We are very vocal about all of it. In all of this, there is a lot of WE. WE know we couldn't afford a vacation this year, and are working on socking some extra cash away for a week at the beach next year. WE know all of each other's passwords and accounts, nothing is secretive. 

We have trust, shared goals, and communication..... but then that is the LEAST you need to even be in a relationship anyway!


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## Unwind80 (Aug 15, 2012)

Thank you everyone for your input!



papa5280 said:


> Who can pay for dinner out? If that's the level of pettiness between you in your relationship, then joint vs. individual bank accounts are the least of your worries.


You're right, I am probably getting ahead of myself here.



SunnyT said:


> We have trust, shared goals, and communication..... but then that is the LEAST you need to even be in a relationship anyway!


We have trust. The other two not so much. We decide on a goal, like getting a second home a year from now. Then she tells me that she wants to go to Hawaii in September of this year and March of next year. She also wants to visit her friend in London in December. I tell her that if she does those things we will not be able to come up with a down payment for a house in one year. Then we argue. I end up being the bad guy because I dashed her hopes of vacation. So we can come up with shared goals, but she is not willing to do what it takes to get there. Communication is all around awful. That is my main focus these days.


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