# almost there



## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

So judging by my posts, I am the newbie, but the amount of time I have spent here over the past few weeks has made me feel like family. Thank you feelingalone for your incredible insight and everyone else posting on the "my new begining" thread. I feel like posting there but dont want to "but in". Plus, for myself I need to throw my story out there.

We met in '95, I just out of high school, her a sophmore, 18 and 16 we were each others first loves and eagerly shared everything life threw at us together, joined at the hips. 2002 brought our first son, we were married later that same year, and our second son was born the following year. We had moved around our home town a couple of times, but in 2006 we designed and built our dream home together. 2008 brought the icing on the cake, our beautifull baby girl. if one were to ask me in 1995 where I wanted to be with my life in 15 years, I had now exceeded all expectations. 

As with all relationships we had our struggles, but held on to the title of "most perfect couple" to all who knew us. We were living the fairy tale, and after all those years we would still kiss and hold hands like high school kids.

2009 I would have rated as an average year. As expected, the kids consumed most of our time, so there was tension in our relationship due to a lack of mom and dad time. 

It was november when I found out some disturbing details about her spending time with him, but out of pure respect and TRUST for her, I simply stated my concern, and she downplayed it as "no big deal, we are just friends". It was already to late. Things snowballed from there untill 1-23-10 when she came home from a night at a friends house and announced "im pregnant". I had a vascectomy almost a year ago.

I have been analizing this from every possible viewpoint for weeks now, at one point almost convincing myself that she may be suffering from some mental debilatation that may have caused this without here actually "knowing" what she was doing! fact is though, the one thing she has been VERY clear about is that she LOVES him.
So to recap, she has been involved with OM for (her account) 8 months. (Ibelieve nothing she says anymore). They fell in love. They are having a baby. They have been making arrangements for her to move in with him. Why should I stand in her way? Sounds like a done deal.

Since 1-23 she is sleeping at her parents house, comes home in the morning to let me go to work and see the kids off to school, I get home she leaves. every day she says how sorry she is, says she just wants us back, says she will have an abortion, (an issue which I cant comprehend either way), and says she is all done with OM hmmmmmmmm????????????????????

Critics will read this and speculate all the little factors that "might add up to?" but nothing will come to within 2 % of justifying what she has done to me and our family. I will be up front with my faults, I work hard. average 50 hours a week which adds up to an "average income". We have 3 kids and she is a sahm. she complains we dont spend enough time together but will be the first to point out my "frugality". My biggest fault as i have learned here, is that I am a "Nice Guy". (thanks FA). I have put every ounce of my energy in 15 years to "us". There is nothing I wouldnt do to make her life easier, but come to find out, I was just doing it for myself, for her approval, to avoid her dissaproval. whatever. Now I sit here on the verge of flushing my world wondering, if I took her back, who would I realy be doing it for? what an unfortunate compromise, either way


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## ocean2breeze (Feb 5, 2010)

So she was cheating cause she was lonely with you working so much? She could have joined a group club to make some friends. 50 hours isn't to much time at work where you couldn't spend time together even with kids. I think she is looking for an excuse to blame you for her actions. Being a nice guy isn't a bad thing either. She was just being immature, unfaithful, and uncommitted. You have to decide how serious her feelings for OM have truly become, even if it had started as a fling, it might have grown to love for her and she is unsure about what to do about you or him and sense you have kids together it only makes sense to her to try and smooth things over with you till she figures out her feelings. Or maybe it was just a fling. If she says she doesn't want to be with him, try and see what she does if you tell her she can't have anything to do with the guy anymore if she wants to be with you. People often can't pick who they love and if she does love him you might just have to it her go. You probably would be happier with out having to worry if your spouse is cheating.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You can set very high standards for taking her back, if you choose to.
Access to all her passwords.
GPS in her car. 
Never go anywhere without you or without your permission.
Counseling.
She writes a No Contact letter to him that YOU read and send.

Stuff like that. If she is truly humble (pregnancy can do that), you have a chance at rebuilding your marriage. She'll have to agree to the restrictions. If she doesn't agree, then she's just looking for a place to stay.


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## bchin (Feb 5, 2010)

Wow, thats tough! You never mentioned if you're still in love with her, despite your hurt feelings at the moment so I'll assume you do. 
The trust is gone, and my theory is that relationship always leaves with trust. Lies stays in charge. 
Sad for her , where she thought the grass was greener on the other side, and that she has the audacity to pin this on you. 
8 months is a long time to repent of ones actions... makes me think, would she have come forward had she not found out she was pregnant? 
As for your kids, yes they'll suffer, but won't they suffer more if you're both miserable?
Whatever you do, do it for yourself, the rest will fall into place.
Good luck!


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