# Finally at the end of my rope!!!!



## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Hi again, many of you have read my threads over past few months about how i have frustrated and hurt by my girlfriends depression..Its been up and down like a roller coaster last 2 months as u can imagine with someone depressed... So a little recap of whats happened lately.. She spiraled out of control a few weeks back getting off her meds due to being so expensive and got a generic version of expensive one that made her even worse(some say generic versions aren't the same) anyways id say last 3.5 weeks have been really bad.. I generally see her on weekends, last 3 weekends she wanted to be alone and she basically slept the whole time. She doesn't answer the phone when i call, but when she calls oh its convenient for her..Last week or so rarely texts.Basically its like were not even dating anymore..This weekend was icing on cake for me. Im a retail mgr and its very hard to get weekends off,but i managed to get this weekend off(usually once a month) We planned about a month ago to go on a dinner cruise this weekend that she got me for valentines day.. She thought would be nice as we don't get to do a lot romantic things due to our schedules...Anyways i knew she felt really bad mentally and i even said hey we can hold off on dinner cruise till u feel better. She said same thing and said she wanted to wait till she felt better..So i said well maybe we can just do something low key and dunno rent movies..She later says she doesn't want any company and is gonna sleep..i was like wtf!!! whatever. I didn't make big deal outa it, and planned some fun stuff with friends this weekend...this is just getting really old... I talked to her best friend about it and asked her,if she didn't wanna be with me would she say something or id she was dating someone else?? she said she would def kick u to the curb if she didn't wanna be with you anymore.. She is just not herself right now....So my gf had her med dosage increased to see if that helps and if not dr said to go back on expensive meds and just gonna have to suck it up. She goes back to dr in 3 weeks.. But at this moment my gf doesn't really wanna talk on the phone, doesn't respond to texts, and lately we haven't had much contact like i said, and she will text me at random and send a photo of the fires or something. Im like thats soo random . A week ago was ready to tell her to **** off and she called me late thursday night, and was crying and said how she feels bad for hurting me etc, and hurting her son too(been distant with him i guess), and felt ok she means well and is trying, and then reverts back the next day!!!! So i think I'm finally done!!!!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Well, if you're done, you're done. Some people can stick it out with a partner who suffers from mental illness and/or addictions. Many can't.

I think part of your problems lie with you. You have expectations of how she should behave and react. She isn't meeting those expectations. She can't. 

Hey, I'm married to an alcoholic. I was a mess when I finally left him. I kept wishing and hoping he would change. I kept expecting sane, rational behavior.

Then I realized I expected someone who is very sick to behave in a relatively healthy manner. Nope. Ain't gonna happen.

If you feel you've given the relationship all you can and it's not working for you, then it's time to end it.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Prodigal said:


> Well, if you're done, you're done. Some people can stick it out with a partner who suffers from mental illness and/or addictions. Many can't.
> 
> I think part of your problems lie with you. You have expectations of how she should behave and react. She isn't meeting those expectations. She can't.
> 
> ...


I have been very very patient with her and I know she is sick. And I don't necessarily have set expectations of how she has to be,but I fell in love with how she was first few months. She was most affection person around and loving. Since she messed with her meds,it's like I don't know her anymore. Everyone tells me I've stuck it out a lot longer than anyone else would have. Dunno what to do. Wanna give her a couple more weeks to see if new meds work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

englem007 said:


> And I don't necessarily have set expectations of how she has to be,*but I fell in love with how she was first few months*.


Expectations. You have them. Why? Because you are living with "What If," not "What Is." 

And here is WHAT IS: She messed up her meds. She is not the person you claim you fell in love with. She is now someone else.

You are operating in the mindset of, "What if she gets better?" "What if she straightens out her meds?"

I hope she does. But she isn't doing that now. And your expectation is for her to get her sh!t together and return to the person you once knew.

Ever consider that what you are seeing now is who she may REALLY be?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Generics aren't necessarily the same. I have a good friend who is a psychopharmacologist and who also happens to be one of the world's experts on anti depressants, and he has told me that often generics are metabolized differently, which is why they don't always work. Unfortunately with the patents they can really rip you off; perhaps there's another drug that will work for her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

englem007 said:


> Wanna give her a couple more weeks to see if new meds work


Yet you title your post "Finally at the end of my rope!!!!

Guess not. Your life. Your choice.

You have the choice of dealing what she IS or pandering to your expectations of what she WAS.

She may come back. She may not.

I would suggest you make up your mind what YOU want to do. I mean, are you at the end of your rope or do you want to give her more time? Because giving her more time means you are NOT at the end of your rope. Seriously.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Prodigal said:


> Yet you title your post "Finally at the end of my rope!!!!
> 
> Guess not. Your life. Your choice.
> 
> ...


i know. i don't wanna break i off yet just really f'd up in the head right now..got some thinking to do


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Generics aren't necessarily the same. I have a good friend who is a psychopharmacologist and who also happens to be one of the world's experts on anti depressants, and he has told me that often generics are metabolized differently, which is why they don't always work.


Thank you, thank you!! I'm really glad to see someone post this. I'm so tired of people saying that generics are exactly the same as the original. They're NOT!!

The pharmaceutical companies didn't spend millions and billions of dollars developing these drugs just to hand the formula over when the patent expires.

Sure, the active ingredients are the same, but the BINDING AGENTS, non-active ingredients, time-release properties, etc. are not even CLOSE. Thus, they are absorbed differently, metabolized differently, and patients don't get the same results. Your pharmacology friend/expert is totally spot on with this.

Not such a big deal for some drugs, but VERY important in drugs that are designed to affect your brain, moods, emotions. 

Sorry to threadjack...

OP, I would get tell her to get back on the name brand drugs... her doc is correct. She needs to suck it up and pay for them.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I think a generic for Welbutrin XL has a bad reputation for not working as well as the brand name. I know someone who has noticed a big difference.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Have you considered speaking with a counselor? Even if you don't have insurance, there are plenty of places that will offer you up to 10 sessions for almost nothing.

I know the YMCA/YWCA used to have counseling based on a client's yearly earnings. Google free or salary-based counseling in your area.

Perhaps a trained professional could give you more insight into what you are feeling about this situation; help you sort out what you want to do.

Just a suggestion.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

PieceOfSky said:


> I think a generic for Welbutrin XL has a bad reputation for not working as well as the brand name. I know someone who has noticed a big difference.


I've been using the generic for a long time and it works just fine.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

PieceOfSky said:


> I think a generic for Welbutrin XL has a bad reputation for not working as well as the brand name. I know someone who has noticed a big difference.


Here is an interesting article about Wellbutrin and the FDA... Both Teva and Impax voluntarily withdrew their generic Wellbutrin from the market after studies showed they were ineffective and causing unwanted side effects for a lot of people.

FDA Finds Generic Antidepressant Not The Same As Original - ABC News


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

Prodigal said:


> Have you considered speaking with a counselor? Even if you don't have insurance, there are plenty of places that will offer you up to 10 sessions for almost nothing.
> 
> I know the YMCA/YWCA used to have counseling based on a client's yearly earnings. Google free or salary-based counseling in your area.
> 
> ...


I was going to my counselor for about 2 yrs when i was doing marriage counseling, and we ended with divorce and i kept going for myself..was best thing i ever did.. I was planning on going back to my counselor again to talk with her and get her thoughts and give me some insight on how to deal with my GF's depression..


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Generics aren't necessarily the same. I have a good friend who is a psychopharmacologist and who also happens to be one of the world's experts on anti depressants, and he has told me that often generics are metabolized differently, which is why they don't always work. Unfortunately with the patents they can really rip you off; perhaps there's another drug that will work for her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I totally can see that with her. She took Wellbutrin forever and was perfectly fine, then price went up and she decided to get off and her dr gave her a generic version...She went back to her dr this last monday and dr increased the dosage of the same generic(don't know why?,to me if its not working its not gonna work to take more of same sh!t..) and dr said give this a try a couple weeks an see...So far she is the same if not a little worse.. She texted me yesterday that she slept on the couch ALL day...Not sure how fast the meds should be working, maybe 2 weeks?


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

turnera said:


> I've been using the generic for a long time and it works just fine.


I work in the pharmaceutical industry. The majority of AB rated generics are exactly the same as the brand in every way. There may be some generics out there that need to be replaced, but generics are a great way to save money on pharmaceuticals.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

englem007 said:


> I totally can see that with her. She took Wellbutrin forever and was perfectly fine, then price went up and she decided to get off and her dr gave her a generic version...She went back to her dr this last monday and dr increased the dosage of the same generic(don't know why?,to me if its not working its not gonna work to take more of same sh!t..) and dr said give this a try a couple weeks an see...So far she is the same if not a little worse.. She texted me yesterday that she slept on the couch ALL day...Not sure how fast the meds should be working, maybe 2 weeks?


If she stopped taking her meds, it is going to take a few weeks for them to get her system stabalized. Not that this is a reason to stay with her, though. Sounds like she has problems. Why would you want to sign up for this as your life?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

tennisstar said:


> I work in the pharmaceutical industry. The majority of AB rated generics are exactly the same as the brand in every way. There may be some generics out there that need to be replaced, but generics are a great way to save money on pharmaceuticals.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


well i don't know then. I've heard many diff things about generics.. I just see her going down hill really fast


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Engle, you can't believe everything you hear. 

Whether or not it us the fault of the generic, she has problems. Don't be a white knight. Let her go and move on with a healthy person. I have been where you are - please don't waste any more time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

tennisstar said:


> I work in the pharmaceutical industry. The majority of AB rated generics are exactly the same as the brand in every way. There may be some generics out there that need to be replaced, but generics are a great way to save money on pharmaceuticals.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When ever i have taken any meds, i always seemed to have the generic form as for me seemed to work,dunno maybe for what she is taking the generic is not working.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Maybe because there's another explanation?


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> Maybe because there's another explanation?


What do you mean?


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

tennisstar said:


> Engle, you can't believe everything you hear.
> 
> Whether or not it us the fault of the generic, she has problems. Don't be a white knight. Let her go and move on with a healthy person. I have been where you are - please don't waste any more time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im not being a white knight to her, in beg i think i tried,but realized that i can't help her.. Im about to that point of letting her go, but hanging for a little bit and see if she gets better..


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

OP, talk to a therapist, doctor or pharmacist and get educated about how metabolism and body chemicals can affect how well meds work. if one med did the trick, then there wouldn't be different classes of meds on the market, all to treat the same condition. Different types of meds work by acting on different chemicals in the brain. Factor in that each person responds to meds differently based upon both chemical brain compounds and circumstance, and you have a better understanding of why some things don't work for her...or don't work as quickly.

Honestly to me, it seems like you're looking for a quick fix for her, and that's not realistic. Long-term depression cannot be instantly repaired, regardless of why she went off her meds in the first place. She's taking action, it's not happening on your time-table, and you're thinking of leaving her as a result. To me, that's as unrealistic as expecting her to constantly be the same person she was when you met.

If her illness manifested physically instead of mentally and emotionally, would you have the same outlook? For instance, if she had a debilitating arthritis due to a jacked-up immune system, would you be thinking the same thing if she went off a med, went on a new one and couldn't get out of bed, likely before the new med had time to become effective? You're describing nearly that, only with a brain disorder.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

englem007 said:


> What do you mean?


Meaning depression doesn't disappear just because you take this or that med. It may be alleviated, but it won't/can't go away without the person taking steps to change their thinking, life, etc. Stop focusing on the meds and get her to get real help in dealing with whatever it is that is depressing her. And be prepared: it could be YOU.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> Meaning depression doesn't disappear just because you take this or that med. It may be alleviated, but it won't/can't go away without the person taking steps to change their thinking, life, etc. Stop focusing on the meds and get her to get real help in dealing with whatever it is that is depressing her. And be prepared: it could be YOU.


I have a feeling I've been making her depression worse. Cuz times I brought up things or asks how's she doing and she doesn't like talking about it much. I don't ever beat her up cuz she being distant or cold. I try and talk to her about it at times,and I know it stresses her out. I think I'm being pushy too. Im always asking hey u wanna hang out this weekend and she doesn't reply and finally she says she just wants alone time. I'm gonna text her later tonight and tell her basically I want her to get better for herself,and if it's too much with me right now,I will let her go and just do her thing. I clearly love her like crazy,and want best for her,and if it means not having me in her life,than I'll have to deal with that!! I can't be selfish about this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Prodigal said:


> Ever consider that what you are seeing now is who she may REALLY be?


I suggested this to him months ago, it seems like. In one of his first 4 threads in the first 4 months of their relationship...

OP, is she in any form of therapy or counselling as well as getting medicated? 

C


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

PBear said:


> I suggested this to him months ago, it seems like. In one of his first 4 threads in the first 4 months of their relationship...
> 
> OP, is she in any form of therapy or counselling as well as getting medicated?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Can you call her family and tell them that she's getting close to needing to be hospitalized? Then back off and let them take care of her.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> Can you call her family and tell them that she's getting close to needing to be hospitalized? Then back off and let them take care of her.


Couple weeks backs i talked to her about if see was suicidal, she said no..At this point in time, she is just happy when she is alone with know one around.. Seeing she won't answer phone calls,i emailed her at work and just told her she needs to take care of herself and ill just let her be


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I didn't say suicidal, I said needing to be hospitalized. If it gets to where she won't get out of bed to go to work.


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## englem007 (Apr 1, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_
We'll if finally happened. Few days ago I emailed her and was saying we should hang out one day this weekend,seeing we haven't seen each other. She never really responded. Later on next day she said let's meet up. And she emailed me and said she really doesn't wanna see anyone,but since I'm spazzing out about not seeing her she said ok. I was soo pissed. She has made that comment before that I freak out. I told her Jesus Christ it's been a fricken month since of seen u. She wouldn't answer phone so I emailed her and kinda went off. Told her I'm tired of u disrespecting me and trying to make me feel bad when I want do see u. And honestly u have treated me like crap for last 2months. I said I'm sorry your going through depression and all,but I will not be mocked and treated like **** just cuz u don't feel good. I told her my dad has had the worst depression in his life and never has treated anyone like this. He may isolate a few days,but doesn't cut everyone off for a month and not answer phone or texts either. I told her I'm done!! I kinda left it open,and said if u decide u wanna see how things go and when u feel better give me a call,otherwise that's it. She prolly won't call. She emailed later and said I was very mean to her what I said. I said I'm sorry,but u have been mean to me for 2months.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turnera said:


> I've been using the generic for a long time and it works just fine.


Drugs work differently for different people. What works well for you might not work well for someone else.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You will be better off not having to deal with her issues. 

Take care of yourself.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Drugs work differently for different people.


You're absolutely right. Generics might work as well for someone else as they did for me.


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