# Depression while married



## vgbk (Oct 13, 2009)

Has anyone felt that their depression has triggered or caused many of the contributions that have led to their distressed marriage? As for me my negative pessimism were mainly developed after my bouts with depression that I have never gotten help for. Until now I have finally realized that I dont have to live with a raining cloud over my head!! I started couples therapy last week and this week will see a psychiatrist for my depression that I have never addressed. I just always believed its OK to feel sad and down all the time. My husband has never been able to understand why I dont accept his love and I hadnt realized that this sickness really is real and will impede with any peace within myself.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Absolutely! My depression for many years had me performing as a wife and mother but with an underlying sadness. I could fake most things. It wasn't until I started getting help and helping myself did I finally have a breakthrough. I was looking for happiness. It was within ME.

It was exhausting for my H. Trying to make me feel better. Worrying about me. He knew I was depressed but couldn't do a darn thing. I have since apologized. It was distressing to our marriage. My H isn't a good communicator.

Add in a few family crisis.

Then, my H is now depressed. We've separated for 3 months and he's filed for a divorce about 1 month ago. 

If you don't get this depression under control...it's hard to have ANY REAL relationship. It's hard to feel anything. It's a selfish disorder where the focus is only on YOU! I know...

It's great that you taking control now. You'll eventually get there. Give yourself time.


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## DrAriafya (Oct 30, 2009)

vgbk said:


> Has anyone felt that their depression has triggered or caused many of the contributions that have led to their distressed marriage? As for me my negative pessimism were mainly developed after my bouts with depression that I have never gotten help for. Until now I have finally realized that I dont have to live with a raining cloud over my head!! I started couples therapy last week and this week will see a psychiatrist for my depression that I have never addressed. I just always believed its OK to feel sad and down all the time. My husband has never been able to understand why I dont accept his love and I hadnt realized that this sickness really is real and will impede with any peace within myself.


Start with these 2 articles:

*How does depression affect marriage and relationships?*

*Characteristics of Healthy Relationships*

Should you desire more support, please contact me through my websites: *Sistah Mental Health & Wellness the premier online mental health resource support for diverse women*


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## Ana_Nurse (Oct 24, 2009)

While both my husband and I have faults, I did spend a lot of our marriage after having our child, depressed. It can really ruin a lot of things. He got tired of my always hitting his positive witha big fat negative, always turning his compliments of me into something horrible, etc. etc.... I did not start to get help for this until recently, but by the time I did he had already lost himself for me. Does that make sence? We are going on a month of seperation and I am still working on me and still working on us. It has been a challenge. I wish I would have known then what I know now about myself. I used to always say there was this black cloud over me. I was the negative of the negatives haha. I can see how someone's depression can destroy a family and marriage. I hope that you can continue to work at happiness with yourself and that everything works out for you!


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## vgbk (Oct 13, 2009)

Well we have been seeing a therapist for 2 sessions, (2 weeks )and I dont see it progressing because my H is set on not wanting to try. Well he says its that he feels he can't try anymore. But the thing is that I have been depressed for many years and not dealing with it head on. I just believed I was a negative, sad, pessimist person and tried to carry on . But it has cost me my marriage and many years of suffering. Therapy is helping me cope with this separation but if only there was a way for my H to see that I have been mentally ill for many years and finally we can move forward together. Hopefully the depression medicine and psycotherapy will lift this depression that I have been living with for 10+ years


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Counseling is a process and you won't make much progress in two weeks...give it time.

If you are on meds it usually take 2-4 weeks to get into your system. Also, give that time. Sometimes, the dosages are off or you need to switch medications. Don't give up...it's common that people do when they are trying to work on the kinks of meds.

Congrats for helping yourself. It's a big step. I know...been there.


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## vgbk (Oct 13, 2009)

Well he missed this weeks session but I attended. I think the threrapy is truly only for me to move past beyond this grief and depression I feel. Now I have only set myself back because I snooped through his personal stuff and he found out. Now Im back to feeling even worse. I just wish I didnt feel the wanting to keep my family together so much. I feel I would do anything so that we can still be a couple and have our family back together. The medication is definetely not working yet but Im patiently waiting for the day I can stop crying and pick myself back up.


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## vgbk (Oct 13, 2009)

Well its been 5 months since we separated and looks like we wont get back together. Im stll not over him and Im not at the stage where he is,that he goes days without speaking to me. I give in to my impulses and end up calling and begging him back I feel so pitiful.

The medication is definetely working I feel much better where I can laugh, dance and Im better at taking care of my children. There are some side effects like loss of appetite, Which is great for me I lost 10 pounds so far!!! The other side effects are definetely not to serious like dry mouth, . But I dont cry as much anymore which makes me feel accomplished. I am such a baby crier Now I feel more mature at handling this hard stage of my life.
]\
But this month of December I promised myself not to call not to text not to see him. So far Ive spoken to him maybe 3 times.it starts off talking about our three young kids then it turns back to our relationship. Sometimes its him Most times its me. Last time we spoke he wanted to speak to me and I told kids to tell him I was unavailable but he demanded for his son to put me on the phone. I see how wrong I am to give in to his demands. But at least I havent seen him this month so far Yeeeahh Me!!!!


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