# How to be a step mom



## 4boys-1girl (Aug 2, 2011)

I am a mother of two (1 girl-17 and 1 boy 14). I have 3 step sons (19, 21, & 22). My husband and I have been married just over a year, we dated for two before we married. The 22 yr old battled with a cocaine addiction and just slightly over a year ago started fighting that addiction and has been clean since. He and his 21 year old brother are both National Gaurd. They both were deployed and returned 6mths ago (they and us were blessed that they were able to take leave and be with us during the deployment for the wedding). The 22 yr old had struggled greatly with his relationship with his mom (all the boys have but him the most). He now calls me "momma" and introduces me to friends as such. We have a wonderful relationship. He currently lives with us but has a wonderful job with the same company as his father and makes a very good living. He has struggles with drinking excessively. Just recently was given totla control over his own finances (he asked his dad to control them while he was fighting his drug addiction). We just found out that he is now broke and is over draft with the bank significantly. We were going to start charging him rent but now he has absolutly no money. What to do?
The 21 yr old currently pays rent to us on the home I lived in before his dad and I married. He and I have a good relationship (not close enough to call me "mom:, but we get along well). He is attending school and working for the National Gaurd as a recruiter.
The 19 yr old lives with us. He is attending a two year school (entering his 2nd year). We have struggled with his attitude for some time. we discovered that he has been smoking pot. We have told him that this is not acceptable in our home. His father even ordered test strips...he took his car away once for a month only to be used for work and school. he continues to smoke it. We also discovered that he was skiping classes to smoke and barely passed the last semester. he has been caught lieing to us (saying he was going to work only to go party). He tells us he has to work late only to go party. We received a phone call at 3am from a highway patrol saying he and his friend were pulled over for smoking pot in the car. we had to pick him up from where the officer pulled him and he did not receive any punishment from the officer. My husband lectured him and took his car away for a time for that as well. Now he wants to go to school 2hrs away and has asked my husband to co-sighn a student loan. My husband does not want to sighn due to his partying track record and lack of attending school thus far. But he struggles with the fact of how else will he be able to attend school. My 17 yr old daughter and the 19 yr old ss used to be great friends. but when the smoking, lieing, disrespecting began she wanted and wants nothing to do with him. He and my 14 yr old son never even speak. the 19 yr old tries to find ways to never be at home. When he is, everyone is uncomfortable and waiting for the next lie to be spoken from him. 
I'm at the end...I don't like being at home anymore cause its always some sort of stressful situation that arises. I don't know how to be a step mom to these boys. My two children are not angels, but they have never given me this type of grief.


----------



## PrivateTalk (May 27, 2011)

I don't think that your hubby should co-sign for him, have his father explain why i.e. you didn't and don't attend school now why would I co-sign for you to skip out and leave me the bill?

also I'm guessing your from the states because at 18 here they are considered an adult and a cop pulling you over whould look at you like you were nuts wanting to call daddy to pick you up. I think that you should be charging for rent as this will also be a part of him proving he can handle paying on a school loan later on, but for now prove he can pay his bills by paying rent on time every month that way he can prove he is showing responsibility to debts owed and then you and hubby can decide if he's doing well with that then consider co-signing a school loan.

I think your doing fine, remember they aren't really kids anymore so just try to have a mature realationship they are adults now


----------

