# Butterflies for another man



## camelliarose (Feb 16, 2012)

Hello,
I'm 29 yo and have been married almost 6 years. We fell in love so much and inseparable for 8 months, then I got pregnant and we decided to marry. That was where it all began. My husband did drugs alcohol and all, we fought so much yet always I find a way to forgive. He said he wanted to change for our family and he did for 2 years, or so I thought. And then I found out he's been lying to me. He relapsed on the drugs since a year already. he apologized and we started over again. Then i found out he sex chat with lots of women and ask some girls out in FB which he said he never met them just chat. I didn't believe him so we separated for 3 months until he practically begged me again, so for the sake of our child I forgive him again. Since then I got tired of fighting and just accepted everything. He still lies but I looked the other way and focus on my child and work more. 

Until I meet another man. Well my husband and I meet this guy together and they became friends. In total I only see this guy 3 times, that is because my husband have a hunch that I really like this guy. And he's right, too. So he cleverly find a way not to include me whenever they hang out. But those 3 meetings are enough to make me think about this guy all the time! For visual this guy is spanish-french, tall and tan and young and ridiculously handsome, super humble and very very succesful. I tried so hard to distract myself so I don't say text him or anything. Then one day I got into a big fight with my husband (because he lied, again), and he was so mean to me, told me I'm not tolerant (is he crazy!!) and that's why he lied all the time. So I burst out and said "It's so hard not to have feelings to another man when you hurt all the time". He got ao angry and asked whether i cheated or not and I told him I didn't act on it. He even told me that me having feelings for another man is worse than what he did (sex chat, making appointments with girls which only God and him know whether they met or not), and told me that was all boys' thing. 

I'm so confused, is there any benefit of trying so hard not to cheat? I'm on the verge of letting go of loyalty and just go wild here. I love my child so much and wouldn't want to hurt her by divorcing my husband. But I just have so much anger and bitterness for him and so much butterflies and excitement for the other guy. Sorry for the long post! Please help anybody!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

From someone who's had an affair - don't cheat. It will cost you a part of your soul that you will never ever get back. I promise. 

If your marriage is broken either fix it or leave, but please, for the love of God, do not cheat. It is not worth it, I don't care what the situation is.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

If you don't want to be married you are allowed to not be married. Stringing your H along, no matter how much you think he is unworthy of you, is just low moral conscience, especially if you are trying to find ways to justify adultery.

Just divorce him. Also realize that if your H's friend who you have a crush on is doing anything to escalate your affection for him, and is willing to play along with an inappropriate relationship with you, then he is also of low moral conscience, no matter how good his looks and charm... the term putting lipstick on a pig comes to mind.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Don't cheat. If you want to be with someone else do the honorable thing and leave your husband FIRST. And from your post that sounds like a damn good idea.


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

Leave. Get good with yourself before looking for someone new. And the hubs friend is not the place to go for comfort. Look at the company he keeps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Your marriage is reminiscent of mine in some aspects (except we both cheated). 

Don't cheat. Either work on your marriage or leave it. 

There are a LOT of problems in your marriage and you need to get to the bottom of them if you have any chance of saving it. Your husband needs to help too though.

Get tested for STDs because you never know--he could have very well slept with some of those women. If he is still posting up ads online for sex, think long and hard about whether you want to stay with him or not. Looking back, I totally should have left or instilled even better boundaries after I found my exH doing the same. Looking back I see now that a lot of pain and hurt and limbo could have been avoided if I reacted much more aggressively to it. It's not all well in paradise if he's going online to look to fvck other women. Something I wish I woulda seen. But I digress...

Stay far away from Frenchie. He's like a Pandora's box. Don't open it. No matter how tempting.

Stay 
away.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Don't cheat. If you want to be with someone else do the honorable thing and leave your husband FIRST. And from your post that *sounds like a damn good idea*.


:rofl: It's true though


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: It's true though


Aw come on now what's not to love about this guy. Drugs, alcohol, lying, sex chats and lord knows what else he's doing.

He sounds like a real catch. 

And anybody friends with him (like Frenchie) must be equally as fabulous. You are who your friends are. Right?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ya know, I hadn't even considered what it says about Frenchie if he's friends with him.

Good point.

OP, I think you need to seriously figure out if you even want to be married to this dude.


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## camelliarose (Feb 16, 2012)

Yes I think you all are completely right. I have to stay away from frenchie. If I cheat I would be exactly like my H. One hell of a pandora's box though. As to stay or not in marriage, honestly i really want to stay AND be happy. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't lose hope with my husband, even after everything. My friends saw my H's progress and they say he's much better than before. But I just can't trust him. Yes but all this is not a justification of adultery. I've always pride myself on being loyal, now is really a HUGE test for me. Any tips though to put frenchie out of my head?  Maybe some of you have been through this with success


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My tip for Frenchie is this: Whenever you think of him, think of how you felt when you found your husband soliciting sex online. 



Oh and Frenchie is bad news if he would EVER even entertain getting with his "friend's" wife. That is pretty low. 

Stay away from him. Stay away. Stay away.

You and your husband have a LOT of issues to work thorugh if it's going to work.

It is NOT ok for him to be looking up sex with other women unless you are fine with that. That is a betrayal in and of itself, IMO.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Also, the drug/alcohol thing: has that stopped??? Because do you really want to raise a child in that kind of environment where daddy has substance abuse problems/addictions?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I agree, you must leave and divorce your current husband before you take that next step to have feelings for someone else. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## camelliarose (Feb 16, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Also, the drug/alcohol thing: has that stopped??? Because do you really want to raise a child in that kind of environment where daddy has substance abuse problems/addictions?


Drugs has stopped, alcohol is way reduced. He realizes that he doesn't want our child to grow seeing him drunk. So, he went elsewhere to drink and lie to me about it. It's awful! I think he's a pathological liar. I so need a marriage joke right now 
See the thing our daughter really2 loves him so much, and really look for him whenever he goes away. So it pained me if I have to be the party to break the bond or something. What keeps me going is praying, A LOT. And also autopilot. I was in autopilot mode before frenchie makes me jittery like this. But I'm considering jelly's suggestion about thinking how I felt when my H chatted. Thank you


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## camelliarose (Feb 16, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh and Frenchie is bad news if he would EVER even entertain getting with *his "friend's" wife*[/COLOR]. That is pretty low.


True. Yay this makes me want him 30% less. Thank you thank you!


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