# Depression after separation



## Jpp3 (Sep 6, 2016)

I originally posted this in another threat on accident.

It has been nearly six months since me and my ex finalized our custody agreement after our split and I find myself in a rut. Not over our relationship but how our break up changed our lives. 

It's been a while since I've posted and never in this thread so a quick recap of events.

While together still, my ex went on vacation and decided she wanted to end things and made the decision not to come back from her trip with our daughter. I filed a custody case to try and bring my daughter back but ultimately the court allowed it. I could have fought more but frankly I wanted it over and to see my daughter and I just couldn't afford it anymore, I really couldn't afford it to begin with. 
In the end the agreement was that I move from Arizona to New Jersey and we have 50/50 parenting time with her being the custodial parent. 
It has worked out that I have her 4 days a week and she has her 3. Sounds like a win.
Except the part where I had to move out of my home, sell and give away all my belongings, and move cross country to a state that frankly I hate.

Other than our relationship things were great in Arizona. I owned a home, I had a great job that I liked and paid well, had a group of friends I was close with, and family. Now I have family here too so that's something, but that's it. Yes I have my daughter and that was and is the most important thing, but I'm struggling. And I'm worried how my daughter is adjusting. I still own my home in AZ and have renters in it, but all the money from the rent is going to taxes, insurance and to pay my attorney off, so no money to help me find a place here. I stayed the first few months with my brother but he had just gotten married and his wife is pregnant, as much as they love me they want to have some time to live alone as a married couple before they have their first child. Understandable. So now I'm living with my mother.

I had hoped that I would be able to find work but have only been able to find part time, low income jobs. Barley enough to pay for my daughters school, and the few bills I have. Let alone try and find a rental in this absurdly expensive area. If I did not have family to lean on I would either be back in AZ away from my child or on the streets so I am thankful that I have a place to go. At the same time, I hate it here.

On one hand I think it's only been six months it's ok it takes time to build things. On the other I think it's been six months, what the hell are you doing with your life get it together you piece of ****. I miss the life I had in AZ and I'm having a hard time excepting my new reality. And Everytime I start to, my ex comes around and trys to work her way back in to my life, when I refuse she gets angry and trys to make my life difficult and then it sets off all the original emotions from the breakup. Betrayal, resentment, and anger. Because I'm still holding on to this anger I can't seem to meet anyone, romantically or friendly. 

I'm lonely and want friends and would like to find someone to date but I have no motivation to put my self out there. I feel I have nothing to offer, I was once a very confident person but my confidence has slowly been chipped away over the last year during and since the split.

I'm kind or rambling at this point but I guess the bottom line is, I'm lost, I'm lonely, I'm discouraged, I'm angry, I'm poor and struggling, and I'm not sure how to pull myself out of this and move on.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It's an adjustment. If you can learn to live alone for awhile you'll be doing yourself and your future a big favor.

As far as the X if you can't keep a hard 180 no contact you'll continue to wallow in what you're in now.

Making excuses of we have a kid together is BS. You can coparent effectively and cut your X out except emails or texts child only.

Your life and phone are in your control and no one else's.

Get strong and keep walikng


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