# The dreaded gut feeling!



## ChunkySalsa (May 30, 2012)

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum, but figured that I would have outsiders points of view to see if I can clear my own head.

The gut feeling of my husband being unfaithful started about a few months ago. I never had a reason to suspect him before, and never have. Although, due to his own insecurities he has accused me.  We had been looking for apartments like mad people because we have a child on the way and needed to find a bigger place for us and the baby. We looked through craigslist almost everyday, several times a day to find a place. While most of my searching was done on my phone, he used the computer. The few times I looked on his computer for an apartment I saw that the "men seeking women', and "casual encounters" section were clicked.

It weirded me out a lot but I never brought it up because I don't want to do what he did to me, and make him feel like I am not trusting. So I let it go. We found our apartment, and right now are making it as homey as humanly possible in anticipation of the baby, and I haven't been able to shake that gut feeling since.
Last night we had a huge fight about baby names. I asked him why it took his father to convince him to like a name, when it was one I mentioned before and was told he didnt like it. I said it always takes someone else to convince him to think some way, when it should be, but never is me. I think that I am his partner, and my opinion, especially when it comes to my childs name, should mean the most. The fight escalated to waaay more that just that. Where he was really laying into me, something he never does. He said things that were really mean and things that I won't forget, but I'm sure he will for the convenience. At the end of our fight he admits that he wants to wait to name our baby until we see him, and didnt want to tell me because he thought it would upset me. 

I was under the impression he told me everything, because he has, from what I know, and that is what he tells me. As you can imagine, I am not ok with being kept in the dark about something so important. This brought that feeling of him being unfaithful back. What else could he not be telling me? What made him explode the way he did so quickly at a simple question that wasn't anything more than an innocent inquiry? 

I've never been one to snoop. My gut feeling is killing me. Is it because I'm pregnant? or do I really have a reason? So I snooped today. I was on his facebook which was open on our computer. It wouldnt be the first time that I've been on his facebook because I always mess with his statuses and say goofy things for him to find later and have something to laugh about with me. Did I expect to find anything? No. Did I? Kind of. I found a message from a month ago from a girl that I know he pretty much loved and refers to her as "his other half" and "counterpart", when he talks about their time spent together. I wasn't aware that they kept in touch, because from what I know they stopped talking. I am an open honest person. if he was still cool with her, and I knew, I'm not opposed to them talking. I think it better to not burn bridges with people. But "Hey you, was thinking about you. hope all is well and ur happy" from him, and a response that says "miss you (pet name), happy for u n ur new lill family" from her. I really feel a little stung. Ive never hid anything from him. I even may be to open of a book. I'm like that because I don't ever want him to be insecure with me. He can know everything, good bad ugly. I feel a little weirded out. I had no idea they still spoke. And he reached out to her. Its kind of odd. Should I be concerned with this? or am I reaching for something that isnt there?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Ug Facebook, thin line for me between loving it and hating it. Did he lead you to believe communication with them was done? I think exes should be off limits unless extenuating circumstances. Her response was nothing out of the ordinary but you are in a tight spot for snooping, trust me been there. Hopefully others can offer some words. I can say I know how insecurity when your spouse is distant and stressed and not confiding in you makes you start to look for who they are talking to, went thru that recently myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ChunkySalsa (May 30, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Did he lead you to believe communication with them was done?_Posted via Mobile Device_


He did. And I that is what bothers me the most. I've known him for years. Before we were married we were literally best friends. I know the girls hes dated, and the break ups and its the same the other way around. I'm not a stranger to the women hes dated. Before we were together I was like another one of the boys. So to not tell me something like that is weird, because I do know EVERYTHING. I mean old exes pop into my head every once in a while too. Old songs that remind me of a time where they were a part of my life. From maybe when I was like 14. People who I didn't have nasty break ups with. Something may remind me of them, but I don't go out of my way to tell them they are on my mind. If someone on facebook says, hey congrats on the baby. I say thanks, how's it going. Simple and publicly.

But this girl was before I because friends with him. And it always seems like she is 'the one who got away", with the way he has talked about her.

How did your situation pan out?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Well my situation is still a situation. lol, my anxiety makes it worse and his distance and sudden changes he made in life after we had some serious changes (lost family members, moved to another state, total job changes and family position role changes-I am the bread winner now) I had to explain to him that his behavior caused me to snoop, he also befriended a female here that I could tell he liked. He swears it was just a friendship but I still think the look in his eye said more. There was definitely more on her end, texting, emailing etc. But it wasn't reciprocated and I could tell that, but he didn't stop it either. I had to be the one, before I found these forums, so I can't help but wonder sometimes if he went underground with it, because suddenly he stopped using facebook. That's why I said I have a love/hate relationship with fb. I keep my eyes open. I do know some of what happened he wasn't completely honest with by omission, just like your guy is doing. That is the worst part because it feeds the wonder and the worry. I have been trying to trust my dh again and removed some of the additional snoopers I had out there, because I wasn't finding anything concrete..... but he had a heads up that I was onto him, so it kinda sucked in my situation. 
In your situation, it would bother me that he wasn't telling me, I at least knew he was talking with this other woman, he was upfront about it, just not all the details of their conversations until I stumbled upon an email, and a text  Go figure. Anyway, I know it has to be hard with a little one on the way... is he friends with her on fb? Maybe you could say you were going thru the list to see who you could friend and saw her, and just ask simply and see what his response is... if he acts like he hasn't talked to her in ages, red flag to keep up the snooping. But don't lay out all your cards, don't mention the craigslist thing either. (honestly that one could've just been curiousity, heck I've looked at the casual encounters because I think they are funny to read)... again I no doubt think more people will chime into this one that have been there.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Do not ignore the craigslist!!!!!!

If he clicked on it, that means his @ss is browsing. If you can get access to his email, check his sent and deleted box. See if he has been sending emails to the craigslist wh*res. Check the history on his computer. 

My fiance tried to find craigslist @ss over a dozen times right under my nose...makes me sick to think about. I was being played for a fool, please don't let your guy do the same to you. 

Don't ignore it! It is very much something to be concerned about.


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