# what lies are beneath.



## artmangt350 (Feb 22, 2013)

Here is a brief history on my situation.

Been married for 24 yrs. and have 2 children ages 6 and 13. Got married at
20 yrs old and my wife was 18 yrs old.
At 7 yrs of marriage I decided that my wife and I needed a separation. But
we first tried going to a marriage councellor and my wife
did not agree with the councellor's assesement. I felt that she needed to
mature and the counsellor agreed. Today i don't agree with his assessment!
Our/my problems were deeper than that.
At that point I kicked her out of the apartment. Not proud of it now and
realize that
I was very unkind.
During our separation I had several affairs, yes another regret! You will
find that at this point I have many regrets.
We both decided to give it another chance. So my wife wanted for me to
come clean and let her know up front if I had any affairs.
At this point I did not want to loose her so I lied to her and told her
no. I thought for sure that if I had told her the truth it sure would end
our relationship.
A year passed by and I gave her an STD. So she confronted me about it and
I told her that there was this one affair that I had. My wife forgave me.
Again I lied to her for the same reasoning. Well this lie has really
impacted our relationship through out the years. I'm sure you can imagine.
Our first child was born. My wife named my son after me! What an honor!
For such a disappointing man! keep reading.
I started to close up on my wife and got defensive when ever I felt that
she was probing me. I know that my wife started to push away by this point.
We would get by day to day and every once in a while we would argue about
needless things. Usually because I would disrespect her some how.
6 years later we had a little girl. What a lovely family. People would
think. In order for me to be able to handle all the built up lies I picked
up several
habits I turned to pornography and video games. My habit of video games
became an addiction it was my escape.
I forgot to mention that when my son was 4 yrs old I went out with a friend
of mine to a club and had some drinks and my wife found out about it and I
tried to lie to her about it. Do you see the trend. My wife again let
this one go. What a fool I am why can I not see what was going on!
Blinded by my past!
last year in 2012 our 25 high school reunion was coming up. So i thought
it would be a great idea to catch up with old friends. So I got a facebook
account.
I let my wife know about it, she was surprise to hear that from me usually
I don't care to catch up with old friends I only have a few choice friends
from high school.
Well i sure got a lot a friend request from female friends in my mind set i
said sure there is nothing wrong with that. Again what a fool I am.
I caught up with a friend back from elementary and pretty much gave here a
time line of where we were and mentioned in there that my wife and I had
had ups and downs and that our children were our saving grace! not much
more was exchanged with that friendship.

Another friend of mine, female got a hold of me and said that she lived in
the DFW area like we do.
she wrote me a letter that indicated that she remembers when she had a
taste of me in high school. All we did was kiss.
And that she would like to meet up and catch up before the reunion. with
no thought to my wife's feelings I accepted her lunch
invite and we had lunch and talked that was it. during all this time my
wife and I were getting along OK but we would still have spats here and
there.

On March of 2012 we had a bday party for my 6 yr. old at my moms house. My
wife had asked to me do something and somehow her tone really aggravated me.
I made a big mistake and got in her face in front of my family and hers!
What an *******!!! I know it!

Well my wife had just about enough so she knew something was up. So she
started to go through my emails and text messages etc. At the time I had
a nudging feeling that she was and I thought to myself you should erase the
emails from the two friends of yours. No, I did not and she found them.
She questioned me about it and she gave me the ultimatum to come clean or
it was over.
So I came clean and confessed my 8 affairs during our separation and the
pornography viewing. I let it all out!
I no longer felt the heavy shield around my heart! Perhaps too late.

It was time she had enough! I don't blame her she has done all she could
and I had not due to my lies. She asked that we go see a counsellor and
this was hard on her due to the last experience, she is a very private
person! She told me that this was my probation period. I still could not
talk to her about the lunch date or the letter to my elementary friend
because it seemed like we would argue rather than talk about it.

I thought that counselling sessions were going OK untill I felt I was
getting attacked by the counsellor on our fifth session so I pretty much
got into an argument with the counsellor.
Today I feel different about it and the counsellor was right she basically
told me that my video game addiction was hindering father hood and man
duties!

I started reading books. I had not picked up a book to read since college
unless it was work related. I've read so many books and started to realize
that all along I was the problem due to my lies. I had completely shut
down. I started to see things different and I started to feel different
about my wife and children I started to truly love and open up.

At the beginning of the new year my wife told me that she was seeing a
counsellor so that she could get things strait in her head. I agreed it
was a great Idea.
But I begged her for us to see a counsellor together and she refused. She
had been seeing a counsellor for 2 sessions and she pretty much tells me
that it was over and that we were getting a divorce. She wants her
independence. Was I surprised a little, because it seemed like a switch
had been flipped. She is on her 5 session today and the mind set has not
changed she still wants a divorce and we are making plans for that. I
don't want one! I know where I screwed up and how much growth I need and
am willing to do.

Well by chance one day I was doing laundry and found a "rough draft" that
my wife had written to some another man. She apologies for not doing this
in person but that she needed to end things because she did not know where
she stood with this man. That it had been a guessing game. That she is
getting mixed signals from him. That she does not have the heart to play
games. She never had intentions of doing things but there are no regrets.
She is a stronger person than she was before she met him. She felt that he
tore down her walls and that he would always have a place in her heart
etc...

Well yeah it hurt when I saw this. So i asked her about it and she played
it off like nothing and that it was my fault that this happened. Perhaps it
is.
Well come to find out that all this was taking place while we were in our
sessions together. So I approached her about it and tried to explain to
her that where she is now is because of what I have done but also because
of the what had happened with this other man. She tells me that it was all
emails, text and phone calls. That we were in counselling because of what I did. I never had a chance with that situation, I feel.

I believe her and I forgive her whole heartily!

I know I've wronged her many times but I laid it all out to her and came
clean and yet she didn't and now we are in the middle of a divorce she wants her independence.



Art


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I really don’t know what to say other than you realize you need make some major changes in yourself. Get some serious counselling and make them. Maybe your wife will notice and decide to give you yet another chance. Maybe.


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