# more guilty than ever before!!



## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

ok so i posted a few about a week ago about me not loving my husband wanting to leave for good and stuff, it was called: waited too long, no longer inlove.....anyways so now that he knows i want out, he gave me a few days to think about it really good, and he was going to respect whatever decision i make and make peace and go our separate ways for good..now, I am a very emotional and caring person and i cannot see anyone else suffering specially my husband i mean i may no longer love him but i do care for him still, i don't wish him wrong or anything but he says if i feel that way is because i still love him,,,when i was telling him that i no longer loved him, he cried and cried and felt really bad, and then i felt really guilty and sad!!! i really did not want to break his heart i really didn't but i need to be honest with him and couldn't keep up with the lies!!! =( he says he will be the most miserable man ever if i leave cus he loves me more than anything and anyone!! now i'm starting to feel bad for him and i really don't want to stay with him just because i will feel guilty for making him suffer!!! but what about me?? i've been miserable for 6 yrs!!! and he knows!! how do i handle all this guilt and move on? everyone in the family will judge me that is for sure, everyone keeps saying it's not the best option to leave and this and that..but i really don't care about them i just keep hearing their voices in my head blaming me for his suffering etc. etc. he is a good person but i've never been happy with him due to so many things he has done...i've had enough and there is no turning back, has anyone been in the same situation? how did you deal with it? btw, when i told him i no longer loved him, he got on his knees and begged me!! he says there is no way we can separate and there is no way i no longer love him! why is it so hard for him to understand???


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## Downandsad (Apr 9, 2012)

I have the same thing going on here and I am still feeling guilty--I think its so hard cause we are still living in the same house. I have told my H also and he looks so sad and I started to think--I hate that he is feeling down and it kills me inside to see him this way--but then I think--how could he watch me be down and sad, crying and begging for years and let me go through that?? I dont know maybe someone can help both of us on this topic we would know how to deal with it!! But I completely understand you!!!


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

awww! thanks for your reply! i now know i'm not the only one and maybe it's normal =) he told me he was willing to change everything that i wanted and he would make me very happy but now i don't really care, i still want out... =/ it just breaks my heart to see him sad and when i tell him my final decision he will be devastated...but yet again, i've been devastated for so many years i can no longer stay just because i feel guilty =/...i'm becoming the with of the story now..bummer..


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## nicole2011 (Jun 28, 2011)

I sent u a pm.


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

UPDATE!!- ok so yesterday after hours of non stop talking to my husband well him doing more of the talking that I,,,,we finally came to an agreement!! finally!!! we talked about so much stuff, he confesed very hurtfull things to me that ended up breaking my hart more than it already is but oh well i confesed something to him to that i no longer love him since a good while now and that i've pictured a life with out him for a while now...He confesed to me that the fist years of marriage he didn't love me!!! he always loved his ex GF and was planning to leave me for her and move out of the country,,,,he stayed because he felt sorry for me, and then he tried to make fall out of love for him with his way of being,,,then he started falling in love with me and he now loves me more than ever before! (yeah right),,,anyways,, this hurt me alot!! i mean i always knew there was something between them and they wanted to run away together, but not that he didn't marry loving me or this and that, i mean the first years i loved him more than ever!!!!! and he crushed my heart every single day! until he got what he always wanted, to fall out of love for him >:/...so now, he can't accept that! so we agreed to stay for a few days in the same house, he will show his change but not going to try to make me love him or impress me, or anything like that, if by then i still want out, then he is going to respect that, but he needs to try one more time and leave with dignity that he tried his best if this doesn't work out....whatever.. just so that he could leave me alone, i agreed...so we're able to have normal conversations now without me feeling the pressure that he's trying to win me although he may be trying, i'm not giving in...not anymore, i need to be happy and he is not my hapinness anymore =/...i was hurting to see hi cry so much but i've been in his shoes and he never cared so why should i care now?? anyways will see how this goes...


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

so_confused:

Do you remember writing this on your other thread?



> that's right "slowly getting wiser" that is my only regret, to waste so much time and letting my son watch and presence his bad behavior towards me, him and other people we care about!!


*Remind yourself DAILY *(hourly, if necessary) *of the REAL goal.* 

*Emotional health for YOU

*Healthy/sane/safe environment for your son.

*That is ALL that matters*. Your husband is trying to manipulate you into staying and keeping HIS life cozy and happy the way it's always been (at the expense of you and your son.) If he gave a cr*p about you two, he wouldn't have tried to cheat, he wouldn't have been disrespectful/abusive in his behavior towards you, and he wouldn't have ignored your son consistently throughout his young life.

Maybe you should WRITE OUT your quote above and put it in your wallet, or with your make-up, or somewhere else where you will SEE it and READ it DAILY.


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

yes! you're so right!!! i should do that! now that the family knows, they're all against me trying to convince me of the opposite and now i'm the bad one!!! auughhh!!! it frustrates me to feel so guilty when in reality i shouldn't!! >:/ nobody knows what i went through every single day of my life with him, they just focus on what they see now (family) and nobody understands me.....i'm just putting up with this a few more days cus i'm emotionally drained and exhausted of talking and talking about the same things over and over again ...=( thanks "slowly gettin wiser"


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I hope you have gone to go write it down NOW...before you forget!


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## soconfused1984 (Apr 19, 2012)

yeap! got it! =) oh i do feel better now...im tired of people not understanding me, it's so weird that people you've never met understand you more =) thaks!


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