# Curiousity....



## yagifornia (Apr 28, 2010)

I hope everyone is doing good today. Well I am new to this forum so I would like to say that it is very nice to meet all of you. I have been in a committed relationship for over 13 years and I am more than in love with this man. He is what completes me! :smthumbup: However, I also have this dark side or this fetish that seems to always sneak up on me. I am a very sexual female. I love sex I am not ashamed of it I am ready for it whenever, where ever. Words that explain me perfectly, I'm a freak in the bed but a lady outside the bed, if you catch me drift. I am not shy do not mind going down on my dude honestly I do not mind pleasing him in anyway. But my problem is my curiousity. I like chatting online with other people I like fantasing or pretending and satisfing myself at the same time. I think this is cheating only because I hide this from him and I know if I found out the tables where turned I would be more than hurt. Porn of course he watches it he has hundreds. We make them but what do I do about this problem? Help me I need a mans perspective.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I think it's pretty clear that you already know you're being unfaithful and this is wrong behavior. You're right that it's cheating because you're hiding this from him. One thing I would ask is how you would feel if this were reversed but you already said that you would be more then hurt... 

You're right IMO to be worried because this fantasy life could easily turn into a real life meet over time. Even if that never happened I can only imagine how he would feel when he finds out (and if you continue to do this it's likely he will, it's only a matter of time)

How do you stop? Well you're starting in the right direction. You have to just stop. First I would close all your chat accounts you used. And every time you get the urge to go have Internet sex tell yourself what you said above. Think about how you would feel if it were your husband doing it. Think about how it might forever effect your relationship if he ever found out. Hopefully that will be enough motivation for you to stop yourself before it happens. 

Maybe think about him instead if you get that urge. If it helps deter you, look through a photo album of you two together if you try. Maybe go to him for sexual release instead. 

Good luck!


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I think you need to refrain . Talk to him about whats going on inside you. I feel just like you do and my wife got totally lazy in all aspects of our marriage and it drove me up the wall. He is your soul mate so share your soul with his.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Yagi....

Did you ever try bringing your husband into your fantasy world? he just may enjoy it as well.

My wife and I have been together for 20 years...

we have done various role play idea's.

From, School girl, to rich lady and contractor, to naughty nurse, to Soft S&M...

we even played Stranger at a bar.

Sometimes bringing your lover into your fantasy world also enhances the image and experience.

My wife really enjoys the role playing as long as we are both involved and enjoy it, well what is the harm?

We "sex text" all the time, including pics...it's quite fun.

Include, don't exclude that is all.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Hi Yagi,

a few thoughts...i think GAsoccerman talks some good sense here. If you can integrate these thrills into your shared relationship that could be a lot of fun for both of you. But your pleasures are with people outside your relationship and that introduces a lot of other issues. Somehow I get the feeling you prefer to keep these adventures to yourself - that you choose not to share as distinct from not daring to share. 

This touches on an important area - is it ok or wrong to keep something back from our shared intimacies with lovers or spouses? Or is it a question of technology - what's fine with a printed novel is wrong on a computer? I don't have any easy answers. I'm in a totally busted relationship and so I feel at liberty to enjoy online fun. But when things were good with my lady I suppressed my curiosity and that was very deeply frustrating and that later became a problem


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

When my wife and I first married and were newlyweds she had what she considered a "dark" fetish that she was afraid to let me in on. Our marriage and sex life really started to hurt and plummet. It got to a point where we hadn't had sex for about 3 months. After fighting, fighting and fighting about it we sat down and really talked to each other. It was at that point, she was able to tell me what it was she had been wanting. To say I was completely on board with it right at first would be lying. But, I kept an open mind and tried to indulge that fetish for her because I knew how important it was for her. 8 years later now what seemed like a "weird fetish" to me is now simply common place and "normal". 

I know it's embarrassing and I know it's hard but let your husband in on it! He may not fully understand it at first, but he may surprise you and make it that much better for you. Without total honesty with each other, things like this will just fester.


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## pulse (Mar 24, 2010)

steve71 said:


> Hi Yagi,
> 
> a few thoughts...i think GAsoccerman talks some good sense here. If you can integrate these thrills into your shared relationship that could be a lot of fun for both of you. But your pleasures are with people outside your relationship and that introduces a lot of other issues. Somehow I get the feeling you prefer to keep these adventures to yourself - that you choose not to share as distinct from not daring to share.
> 
> This touches on an important area - is it ok or wrong to keep something back from our shared intimacies with lovers or spouses? Or is it a question of technology - what's fine with a printed novel is wrong on a computer? I don't have any easy answers. I'm in a totally busted relationship and so I feel at liberty to enjoy online fun. But when things were good with my lady I suppressed my curiosity and that was very deeply frustrating and that later became a problem


I agree with all the above bar the comparison with a book and a computer, because with the computer the user is engaging with other people (chatting online), whereas with a book no one else is involved so it couldn't be consider cheating in my opinion.

Yagifornia - I get the impression you would feel able to have your husband be the one on the receiving end, but I also think there are some people who "cheat" who do it not for the sexual satisfaction itself, but because they get off on having a "secret". I hope you'll be able to stop as there is great potential for your marriage to be negatively affected if you continue.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Talk to your husband about what you want sexually.

"this really turns me on"

Most guys are going to give it to you.


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