# Var told me their meeting tonight WTF do I do?



## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

Second day of var usage tells me their meeting tonight in about 1 hr. 
I've made arrangements for my sister in law to come and watch out sleeping son while she goes out and I follow. 
I'm pretty sure where the om lives but I could be wrong. 
What the hell do I do when I approach or knock on the door? Cause I sure want to knock something out no doubt! 
She's been caught MSG him last Friday and wanted to R but that fell through! 
Today I took her to lunch and she said she's done with me (us) 
Then I heard the var and obviously that's the reason! 
What do you guys suggest? Quick lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Take a camera and record what you can. What story is she telling? I don't think I would knock on the door myself. File for divorce and send the pics via email. You should be in the 180 entirely now for your sake.

Good luck


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

What an going to record if their inside? 
Their going to hang out probably smoke reffer and f*ck! 
I want to stop it before hand though! 
If anything end things right there
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Well, if I were you, I would go there with a camera, and record them smoking weed, then send it to the police. And tell them "Have fun F-ing in jail!" 

Are you already divorced?

Then I would get happy, and realize, "I am a single good looking man. And I am luxury. Because I am independent." 
Then watch as hordes of women start knocking on your door. 

And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, DO NOT get physical!!!!!
Trust me, IT WON'T END WELL!!!
Unless he attacks you FIRST!!! Then act in self-defense. DO NOT ATTACK FIRST!!!!!


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Pack her a bag of clothes, follow her, record her....and then stand outside and wait. When she sees you wave hi, smile and hold out the bag. Let her know you are done.

DO NOT assualt the OM. DO NOT assualt her. Stay calm.

Then leave and go hug your child.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

onemic said:


> What an going to record if their inside?
> Their going to hang out probably smoke reffer and f*ck!
> *I want to stop it before hand though!*
> If anything end things right there
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So sorry brother - feel your anguish and pain but at this point it's kinda like trying to stop a runaway freight train with your body. No matter how much heart you put into it it's doomed at the moment. You have to find a way to derail the train - asking won't cut it.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

What to do? 

The moment she steps out, you pack her stuff, follow her to OM's house and dump it on his lawn (or hallway, or wherever he lives). 

Knock on his door and tell him, "Since you're f*cking her, you can _have_ her. Here's her sh*t."

Then you drive home and play with the kiddies.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Take her father and mother with you and knock on the door.

If the kid was older i would take him too. In fact take her whole family. Nothing like a family party...


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

This is a tough position you're in.
I think that previous posters gave you a great deal of good advices, just don't do something that will make you lose the edge.
If you can save the confrontation for later, I think you should. Especially if you're counting on divorcing her. Gather as much information as you can so you can be protected in court.

Jibril gave you a magnificent idea, after you'll gather enough information, secure the camera, dump her stuff on the other man's lawn and tell him that she's his problem from now on.
I know this is extremely hard, but try to not insult/fight anyone of them. Don't give her the gift of getting even.

About stopping it before happening, I don't know if you're familiar with the term fog, but if you feel she's really caught in the infatuation with the other man, save yourself the trouble of arguing with crazy.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

If you have to, bring a friend to keep you from doing anything stupid. If you are big and strong, bring two. 
If your friends are busy, call work mates, family friends, neighbors, anyone that can keep you from doing something stupid. 

Main reason: if you lose your cool and go off on him, you will be facing charges. And I will bet your wife will expand on the truth to get you out of her life (for possibly a few years if you aren't smart)


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

My vote for the family party.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

Great advice guys but I think I was too late. She has already picked him up I think! 
On the other hand I still had the var Hooked up in the car
We'll have to wait for that to come in later!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Juicer said:


> If you have to, bring a friend to keep you from doing anything stupid. If you are big and strong, bring two.


I had to laugh at that one...

I'd take her stuff with you... keep us updated... pretty messed up


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

onemic said:


> Great advice guys but I think I was too late. She has already picked him up I think!
> On the other hand I still had the var Hooked up in the car
> We'll have to wait for that to come in later!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It might be to late to catch them in the act, but you can still pack her bags. Put them on the porch with a note that says

"Hope he was a good lay and hope he makes an even better boyfriend. You might want to call him and ask for a place to stay. With Open Eyes, Your Betrayed Husband"


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

:iagree:

And change the locks to your home, for maximum d!ckery.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You can still go to where you think he lives and if you find her car there, get in an drive it away.

I do get for knocking on the door with kids in tow OR dumping a bag of her ugliest clothes on the door step.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

She got home... ITook the car and I'm listening to the var right now!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

And she probably thinks she should be able to sleep in the marriage bed?

Shut this thing down, stop her eating.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

did their meet last as long as your hot in the car ??
If so, then you know he got some leg.
You made it sound like this guy lived somewhere else. So what do they do ? Just get it on when he comes thru ?? 

You said she didn't want to R, well give the girl what she wants, but file for full custody.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

What the HELL is she doing home? 
Where you live, and your marital bed, is not her home! It is your home! Not her's!

The other man that she was busy breaking her marital vows with, that is her next likely home. Unless he says no. Then she becomes homeless! And who cares? Karma's a *****!


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Stay composed.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

You do know that if you go to the others guys house you could get SHOT,if you live in the USA because all he has to say is you came in a jealious rage he was afraid for his safety or you tried to break in.If you end up in jail because he calls the police on you. if he tells you to leave and you don't,she has free rain on your house while you are locked up. 

If you flim them I think that going to be pretty much so you know,because most judges don't care about that now days and in many States courts don't even look at having an affair in the court case. 

I say pack up her stuff put it in her car when she is at his place and go home and change the locks.From reading this it sounds like your wife wants its over,so file and get it over with it and move on.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Guys knows wife cheated on him.

Guy lets wife back into the house

Guy isn't putting a proverbial boot up his wife's ass

Wife catching Zs in bed

???????

*sigh* another betrayed spouse fog.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

:iagree:

Either that, or the guy's a doormat of the utmost caliber.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jibril said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Either that, or the guy's a doormat of the utmost caliber.


Or he is living the reality of the betrayal of him and child by his WS?

"Change the locks in fifteen minutes!" "Do this, that and the other" doesn't always work in real life.

Onemic has to listen to the VAR, hear exactly what was said, then he has to decide what to do, structure some plans and act accordingly.

Act in haste, repent at leisure, folks.

Onemic, do what you know you need to do when you know it is safe and appropriate to do it.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ But the possibility of a doormat is also there, goes both ways and still need more info.

I'm not saying file for D or anything.

Just not seeing the shock or even rage. If I knew my wife came back from a tryst, the last thing I'd be doing is listening to a recording while shes sleeping in my bed.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Or he is living the reality of the betrayal of him and child by his WS?
> 
> "Change the locks in fifteen minutes!" "Do this, that and the other" doesn't always work in real life.
> 
> ...


Aww. Making me feel bad and stuff.  Shoot.

Well, in my defense, I pointed out the lock-changing thing _hours_ ago. He could have done some ninja-level lock-shopping at Lowes or the Home Depot if he was really motivated...

I guess we can only wait and see what Onemic does. I don't want the guy to hurt himself or put himself in danger, but I think a bit of rashness might do him some good. Make his cheating wife's head spin for a bit, y'know?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

I'll tell you this, if I was him and the VAR picked up sex in the car, I would go home and tell her to get her sleezy butt out of my bed and out of my life !!

I would play the VAR for her, and by the time I got thru calling her all kinds of names, she would know that her a** is grass an I was the mower.

Onemic your eyes is the key to the soul, let her see the RAGE in your eyes, Let her see the COLD lack you should have for someone who thinks so LITTLE of you, that she would LOWER herself to sexing another man and come home FRESH from him to lay in your bed !!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> I'll tell you this, if I was him and the VAR picked up sex in the car, I would go home and tell her to get her sleezy butt out of my bed and out of my life !!
> 
> I would play the VAR for her, and by the time I got thru calling her all kinds of names, she would know that her a** is grass an I was the mower.
> 
> Onemic your eyes is the key to the soul, let her see the RAGE in your eyes, Let her see the COLD lack you should have for someone who thinks so LITTLE of you, that she would LOWER herself to sexing another man and come home FRESH from him to lay in your bed !!!


At a guess she is in the FF part of an EA (FF = Fantasy F***).

Moving to a PA, soon?

Well, when onemic updates us, we will be able to offer advice accordingly. Then he might get to change the locks...


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

MM, you know you the man, but this person is ********** as far as I could see.

He know she talked to him all day the other day, then came to him saying she wants to R.

His butt know she was lying but the sex in the car blew him away.

I CAN NOT even glimpes how a man could endure this stuff.

I would say more but don't want to get banned again.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

MM, go read his other thread.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Damit man.. Why could you ,just asked me what i meant with my last post i made to you. Damn


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Or he is living the reality of the betrayal of him and child by his WS?
> 
> "Change the locks in fifteen minutes!" "Do this, that and the other" doesn't always work in real life.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

It's easy to rattle off a list of quick revenge tactics to be used in the heat of anger, however revenge is a dish best served cold and the OP is at the forefront of this battle. The best advice given was not to deck the dude and end up in jail. As for the rest, he gets to decide how to play his own situation out. He has to take the high ground in light of the future legal actions against his WS, planning and executing accordingly.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

Ok here it goes.... 
I screwed up earlier and text MSGed her instead of her sister who was supposed to babysit our son while I went out on my spy adventure.
So she got scared and knew something was up! 
She called him and said she was coming soon and for him to meet her outside!
They were supposed to go to his friends house or something but they didn't . 
Nobody was in her car there was no such conversation. 
They weren't at his house because I jogged up and down his street several times. 
I don't think she went through with it because of the MSG she accidentally received from me. 
She says she was with her two girlfriends watching a movie, I just called one of them to varify but no answer yet. 
I asked her to come clean and tell me the truth before I drop the world on her head! She continued to lie and say "what are you talking about"! 
So I told her about the var and all the conversations I heard 2 days ago, and yesterday. She was in shock. I told her I knew everything she said and was planning on doing! 
Well I hung up the phone and went through the var completely! There was no male voices, no sex or anything suspicious except the one phone call. 
I'm not sure if I still believe her or not I need to speak with her friend that's for sure! 
After all this I went home because she was ringing my phone off the hook wanting to talk. I went home. 
I never in my life seen her this way she was crying and screaming for me to give her another chance and try to work things out. 
I said how I got f*cken played like a fool over and over- lied to my face etc etc..... 
She is really persistent and remorseful. She wants to spend the rest of her life making it up to me and being everything i want her to be. She said she would do the full access (transparency), no contact, remove all social networks etc...I feel like she's really realized what's going on and how I can crush her world in an instant! 
Deep down I still love her but I showed her no love. 
It's a tough one I think I need time to think things through. 
Thanks for your support guys it really means a lot to me. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

onemic said:


> Ok here it goes....
> I screwed up earlier and text MSGed her instead of her sister who was supposed to babysit our son while I went out on my spy adventure.
> So she got scared and knew something was up!
> She called him and said she was coming soon and for him to meet her outside!
> ...


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## skip76 (Aug 30, 2011)

onemic said:


> Ok here it goes....
> I screwed up earlier and text MSGed her instead of her sister who was supposed to babysit our son while I went out on my spy adventure.
> So she got scared and knew something was up!
> She called him and said she was coming soon and for him to meet her outside!
> ...



1. you still don't get it
2. you completely screwed up by telling her about VAR
3. You are lucky cause she must not know how much you heard or how long it has been there. you must use this to your advantage. i am afraid you will just cave and tell her you are sorry or something though. why should she respect you if you can't respect yourself. Realize that you are too good to be dealing with this and treated like that.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Telling her about the VAR is a bad mistake now she WILL be more cautious.

Move fast and have her hand write the no contact letter, expose the OM to as many of his family and friends as you can get to and DO NOT TELL HER.

Have her in your presence tell her family of the affair and her decision to stop, today , not when she feels like. If she declines call them yourself and ask for their support .

This affair must be scorched while you have the upper hand and before they have time to enact their go underground plan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Don't accept her apologies so easily. You caught her off guard and a cheater will say anything....they can even lie to you for months while they say they are so sorry and will spend the rest of their life makiing it up to you.....been there, done that, affair stretched out for 3 months after DD1...all the way to DD4. I never recieved so many heart melting apologies in my life....meant nothing until WH finally woke up and saw the a-bomb aftermath. 

Sorry you are going through this.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Revealing VAR is a bad move only if he intends to stay with her. Your wife is totally unstable and messed up in her mind right now. She wouldn't have planned to meet with the OM if she wanted to be with you so much, esp after deciding to R a couple of days back!! IYou cannot trust her right now. maybe not ever. She is total liar and absolutely untrustworthy


Read your older thread and see how one good session of sex blinded you out to the deception going on. Poster called it and were absolutely spot on


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> I asked if there was somebody else and looked her in the eye and she replied no there nobody else but you! I asked if she was sure because I was holding proof in my hand! She said no show me. I did I took pictures with phone of everything they said- how she asked him if he wanted to f*ck her and sh*t! Plus all the good morning beautiful I miss you blah blah!
> She got booked hard. I knew that because she wanted a seperation and followed a certain path and behavior she didn't end things the first time properly. I know it's hard and can take a couple times but you lied to my face several times again and again.
> Anyways we went to the bar. Had drinks and shots etc... I felt relived because I got my answer finally.
> She's been trying to tell me that she was going to end things with him that's why earlier she asked to R.
> I'm not sure where I should take this next.


From your older thread



From this thread



> I asked her to come clean and tell me the truth before I drop the world on her head! She continued to lie and say "what are you talking about"!
> So I told her about the var and all the conversations I heard 2 days ago, and yesterday. She was in shock. I told her I knew everything she said and was planning on doing!
> Well I hung up the phone and went through the var completely! There was no male voices, no sex or anything suspicious except the one phone call.
> I'm not sure if I still believe her or not I need to speak with her friend that's for sure!
> ...




Lots of similarities, don't you think ?

Next time, you will have to catch them in the bed..


That said, were there 2 OMs? Is this a new guy ?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

What's done is done with the VAR, you will have to use other methods now and don't reveal your sources again. She may think you know more than you actually do. 

She is scared now so keep up the momentum, don’t fall back to being the nice guy, stay strong and keep your distance. The SECOND she thinks you will soften up she will take advantage of that. She is looking for a weakness in you so keep that in mind. Also expect her to try different tactics to get control back.

I know of one guy that when he loses control of his GF (she goes NC on him) he spends to first week trying to force her by threaten her (cause problems at work, tries to get her son fired, suing her…he’s literally done all these things) then in the second week he plays the nice guy and buys flowers and gives her money and promises her the moon. He will pull out every trick in the book to get her to talk to him until he wears her down. I’m just saying don’t change you stance with her no matter what she does in the near future because she may attempt to manipulate you…more than she is now.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

LookingForTheSun said:


> Don't accept her apologies so easily. You caught her off guard and a cheater will say anything....they can even lie to you for months while they say they are so sorry and will spend the rest of their life makiing it up to you.....been there, done that, affair stretched out for 3 months after DD1...all the way to DD4. I never recieved so many heart melting apologies in my life....meant nothing until WH finally woke up and saw the a-bomb aftermath.
> 
> Sorry you are going through this.



This post made my heart sink. I feel like I have been hit by a truck after reading this. I'm struggling 86 days after DD, trying to R, and it hurts to read to read your post. Not trying to hijack here, but is your story on TAM, I'd like to read it. Thanks


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

OK I know you are going to ignore most of this advice. I am betting you are going to try and R, I do understand but now is a time to be tough

OK pull the VAR that will not work again. Get a GPS log for the car. This way you can track where she is going. Expose to everyone what has happened. Get the no contact letter. Go with her to the Dr and have her and you checked fot STD's

Do not believe what she is telling you. Make sure she answers every question you ask.

Take care of yourself and the kid. Remember your wife has lied and put this POS ahead of you and the kid. She will continue to do so. Also sound like she likes to smoke some weed. Tell her that has to stop as well.

Get you and her into MC right now. No excuses do not put it off.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

Ok just answer some questions- 
Yes, I messed up by exposing the var. That's the only proof I had to catch her in the act and lies. I screwed up but I might be able to install it soon again. 
Yes, she is fully exposed as of today. Her whole family knows about the situation. 
This is my 3rd D day sort of say. So I know what's up I was expecting it actually! 
I knew she was not remorseful last time I didn't feel it in her words at all! 
This time seems foreal though. Everything she said was real and I felt she owned up to alot of things I didn't think she would come to. The major thing was she owned to being 100% responsible for her affair. Previously I was her blame- I pushed her to f*ck and next man (lol).She actually means this I can feel it. Last time I didn't and I could tell fake people like a bad poker hand! 
Shes going to write a no contact letter today! 
I already have her passwords Etc.....
She is going to do a std test either today or tomorrow. 
I'm not giving in that easy. I still will be on the lookout no doubt. But I'm not going in for the R just yet either. 
I need time to think If I actually want to try or give her another chance! I'm doing ic right now, we had a chance to go through something today but I refused to go. She's trying hard to go see somebody also do that's another good sign too. I'll keep you posted guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> MM, you know you the man, but this person is ********** as far as I could see.
> 
> He know she talked to him all day the other day, then came to him saying she wants to R.
> 
> ...


If he needs to get tough, I think he will. For the sake of his kid.

She is a cake eater, damnit!

Cut off her supply of cake. Now.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

onemic said:


> Ok just answer some questions-
> Yes, I messed up by exposing the var. That's the only proof I had to catch her in the act and lies. I screwed up but I might be able to install it soon again.
> Yes, she is fully exposed as of today. Her whole family knows about the situation.
> This is my 3rd D day sort of say. So I know what's up I was expecting it actually!
> ...


But did she tell you anything you didn't already know, or did she confess only the things she thought you already knew? You see, she is scrambling to keep the marriage because she was caught (again) and not out of love for you. Remember that. Cheaters lie. They only tell the "truth" when caught, and it's usually just enough that they suspect you already know.

Maintain the 180. Detach from her emotionally. Make her do all the work. Ask anything you want, but remember she will try to minimize, lie "trickle truth" you. Anything short of full disclosure and remorse should be unacceptable to you.

And while you are trying to heal, ask yourself this. Can I handle another D-Day? If the answer is no, than this one is the last. Make it count.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

One strike and out, this isn't baseball. You gave her 3 and she still failed at it.

Move on, she'll cheat on you again in the future if you take her back. If you took me back so many times, one more time isn't gonna make a difference.

I think most of the couples who reconciled and made it work, it was an all or nothing deal. There was no oops you screwed up we'll give it a 2nd chance, 3rd chance, 4th chance...

Almost every failed R the WS was always given a 2nd chance and the BS took them back over and over again. Always hoping for the best.

You give them 1 shot (if it were me there wouldn't even be a 2nd chance, but then again I'm a cheater and selfish to boot) and if they crap in your face, kick them to the curb.

The more rope you keep giving us to help save us is only being used to tie it around your neck and hang yourself with it. You should have kept the leash short from the beginning.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's offered total transparency etc, so take her up on it.

That means she lets you know at all times where she is and who she is with.

Turn on the his tracker on her phone. When she goes some place have her take a pic and mail it to you. You can check the time stamp and location info on the pic.

She doesn't get to delete any texts until you read them and say ok.

And give her the vars to have they are no longer useful.

Now how buy new vars and wait a week or so before putting them back in a new place.


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## NaturalHeart (Nov 13, 2011)

Install it again and highly likely it will be found - now that they know it was there


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Hes not catching her with vars again. New vars, old vars, it makes no difference. 

She KNOWs she got caught by a voice recorder, so when she contacts OM, which I guarantee she will,. its not gonna be through calls. And if it is it will probably be somewhere open aired like a park or parking lot.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Jibril said:


> What to do?
> 
> The moment she steps out, you pack her stuff, follow her to OM's house and dump it on his lawn (or hallway, or wherever he lives).
> 
> ...


You do this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Kasler said:


> ^ But the possibility of a doormat is also there, goes both ways and still need more info.
> 
> I'm not saying file for D or anything.
> 
> Just not seeing the shock or even rage. If I knew my wife came back from a tryst, the last thing I'd be doing is listening to a recording while shes sleeping in my bed.


:iagree:


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Full transparency??? He gave her 2 chances already and she worked up to sleeping with the OM.

I don't know how you could justify him trying again. I know we want to help people keep their marriages but sometimes it's just not worth it.

D-day 1 - Caught EA, told her to stop, I'm sorry honey won't happen again. 

D-day 2 - Still talking to OM when she states she wants to R and work it out. Then she F OPs brains out then he somewhat thought about R.

D-day 3 - She planned to meet and sleep with the OM. Not sure if she did or didn't sleep with the OM but it's looking like she did.

So, after she was with the OM after giving her chance after chance after chance she's going to finally give her marriage 100%......

IMO, she got her chance, taking her back at this point would be a slap in the face, well he already got kicked in the nuts so I guess a slap wouldn't hurt as much at this point.

27, you're still young trust me it's not worth the trouble especially after how many chances you gave her. Look at the track record and decide, she played you for a fool all this time so that she could hook up and be with the OM. She planned it all along to string you along, it wasn't oh it just happened, it was planned out to the very end.

Don't take her back, but it's your life. If you can push it aside and be happy then you're one of the better people in this world. Actually you already are but this moves you up a couple of notches. From a former cheater to you, don't do it, you'll be sorry.

You never give a cheater more than 1 chance. Really, you shouldn't even give a cheater 1 chance at all but there are alot of very good people still out there in the world.

And yes I know there are exceptions to the rules. OPs wife is not one of the exceptions IMO.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> Full transparency??? He gave her 2 chances already and she worked up to sleeping with the OM.
> 
> I don't know how you could justify him trying again. I know we want to help people keep their marriages but sometimes it's just not worth it.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

But sadly he wont listen to your advice


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Exsquid said:


> This post made my heart sink. I feel like I have been hit by a truck after reading this. I'm struggling 86 days after DD, trying to R, and it hurts to read to read your post. Not trying to hijack here, but is your story on TAM, I'd like to read it. Thanks


yes - sorry for the hijack - yes - my story is all here. Just look at my profile history. I have about 6 different threads I started because of different stages we/I was in. Sorry you are dealing with this crap too. So sad for all of us.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

onemic said:


> .
> I never in my life seen her this way she was crying and screaming for me to give her another chance and try to work things out.
> I said how I got f*cken played like a fool over and over- lied to my face etc etc.....


Oh right! One minute she wants to bang the Om and the next minute she starts crying and screaming wanting to work it out!

Is there a button somewhere in her body that makes her switch between moods so easily? 
Because..really...It goes beyond my perception. I.....I just don't get it!!!! 
Or maybe I'm just being blonde.




> She is really persistent and remorseful. She wants to spend the rest of her life making it up to me and being everything i want her to be.


Ohhh riiiiiight!!! She wants to spend the rest of her life making it up to you while she takes it underground with the OM.

How romantic is that? 




p.s. You don't know how thankful she is to you for letting her know how your caught her. 
Now, she knows better!


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ Its betrayed spouse fog. He wants to believe shes remorseful so thats what hes gonna believe until she burns him again.

Its sad really and happens a lot. You have a person saying "I can tell when my spouse is lying" and they're a betrayed spouse. *smh*

If you've been cheated on then you've been being lied to, and you didn't know sh!t, period. You may have suspected, but you didn't know. And if you didn't know then, ya don't know now unless you're monitoring them. 

That statement is as illogical as saying waters not wet.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

onemic said:


> Ok just answer some questions-
> Yes, I messed up by exposing the var. That's the only proof I had to catch her in the act and lies. I screwed up but I might be able to install it soon again.
> Yes, she is fully exposed as of today. Her whole family knows about the situation.
> This is my 3rd D day sort of say. So I know what's up I was expecting it actually!
> ...



I disagree. She'll admit to things to pacify you. She'll do whatever it takes. Then, she'll find new ways to carry on her affair.

It's too soon for her confession/apology to carry any weight. She's in a sort of survivor mode. But she'll just wait till this blows over -- and it will because you have shown that what you'll do.

To make sure her willingness to change is permanent, you need to scar her mind with severe consequences so that if she evens thinks about cheating the scarring kicks in.

File for that divorce. You'll always have time in the future, after she shows real remorse, to reconcile before the divorce is finalized.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

OP,

:banghead::banghead:


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

Dude you really don't understand cheaters do you. I am one and my dying wish would be to have my SO act just like you are, cause I'm not going to stop, you haven't given me a reason too, next time I get caught I will just lay it on a bit thicker and cry a little bit more. 

Remember this..... A cheater wants both worlds and will do what they can to keep them. They want someone to look after them and take care of their children so they can play and play and play. 

She will cheat again. I seriouly have no problem betting my left n*t on it! I am not joking, I seriously am willing to bet my n*t on it. Not even sweating it, cause she will and I will keep my n* t. Gauranteed.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

onemic said:


> She actually means this I can feel it. Last time I didn't and *I could tell fake people like a bad poker hand! *




Really? How long did it take you to figure out that she was fvcking another man?


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

tdwal said:


> Crafty aren't ya. New Vars


Shaggy!! devious mind what ????


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Did that double face palm pic actually get LordMayhem banned!!!! Really?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I don't know if that's what got Lord Mayhem banned. Probably not, because the mods usually delete the offending post. (But you never know.)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I recommend you check out doccool dot com and read the words of cheaters there, and how they deal with being caught.

The one thing they do seem to fear is blow back onto their AP. that might be your path here.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

KanDo said:


> Did that double face palm pic actually get LordMayhem banned!!!! Really?


When did he gat banned?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Today.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

Honestly this is not what I want hear right now. The last two pages were all negative comments and it's f*cken hurting me inside that this may not be it. 
There's a dude betting his damn left nut for ****es sakes. Lol ****!
Wtf do you guys suggest I do? 
I figure I give a last shot whatever..... I get hurt again- ill deal with it!! I'll live 
At this point I either walk away tomorrow or give her that chance and let her decide how she wants to make it better. If she ****s up, it will I guess be expected and easier to handle! 
If somehow this is real and works out some day then I'll know I did the right thing. Also if I don't see or give her this chance, I feel it will bug me for a long time! I'm that kind of person, I'll regret not giving somebody another chance. For the record. D day was almost 6 weeks ago, only 1 week after they fucjed! This guy has been chased out 6 hours away back home until 2 days ago! I caught her talk to him thru fb but 1 word answers to his questions- last Friday which was the day she wanted to start the R. My keylogger showed me this information. 
Then as you know the var now. Nothing happened in the car only a conversation that she was coming but never arrived.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

onemic said:


> Honestly this is not what I want hear right now. The last two pages were all negative comments and it's f*cken hurting me inside that this may not be it.
> There's a dude betting his damn left nut for ****es sakes. Lol ****!
> Wtf do you guys suggest I do?
> I figure I give a last shot whatever..... I get hurt again- ill deal with it!! I'll live
> ...


Understanding you're upset, what you "want to hear" is what you've been doing in the past, and not only is it not working for you, it's not "working" for her, and she's not changing her behavior. The way to get her to change that is to show her SERIOUS consequences for what she's done...and continues to do. Until you do that....and until she truly feels the "loss", she'll NOT CHANGE! Because every single time she does this, you are right there ready to take her back the moment she feigns the slightest bit of remorse (crocodile tears). And she'll do it again. As she has already shown.

You have but one good move to make. And that is to cut her out of your life and not allow her back in until she comes crawling back on bloody hands and knees. If she doesn't...nothing lost, as she did not consider you worth that. If she does...well, maybe, there's a chance she'll think twice about doing it again.

If the simple act of you "walking away" means she'll not pursue "another chance", well then, is it worth it? If she won't fight for it? What, she won't be "remorseful" and "spend the rest of her life making it up to you" if you ditch her and let her stew in her pot of crap for a while? Do you only want someone who "spends the rest of her life making it up to you" if you make it easy for them? Come on man, think this through! Make her SHOW it, not just SAY it. THAT is your ONLY chance.

Until YOU decide and demonstrate that you are more valuable than to put up with that, SHE will never believe your more valuable than to put up with that. And IT WILL KEEP HAPPENING !!!

The brutal "smack upside the head advice" you've been given may not be what you WANT to hear, but it IS what you NEED to hear.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Stop living in the matrix and wake up. Youve been a doormat and you have tolerated the mushroom treatment long enough. You will become stronger, you will become firm, you will become a man of your word, you will not argue, the facts are there, you will enforce NC and monitor. There will be no morse code, no secret emails, no smoke signals, not even a txt or FB msg saying "leave me alone". Absolute NC.

She is addicted, she is stray and will do anything for her fix and she will keep at it if the consequences are minimal. Stop being a nice guy, no crying, no begging, no chasing, no sweet talking her, no girls night out. This is serious, play hard ball then decide R or D. Your methods have not been working, time to change your strategy.

And btw why did lordmayhem get banned?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## giashasa2012 (Aug 16, 2012)

She needs to feel consequences , with out them she will repeat her behavior.
Personally i believe she is a lost cause.
FILE FOR DIVORCE let her feel the heat , and if (that a big IF) IF she moves haven and earth to win you back then maybe you should think about reconciliation , not before.
She must realize that your are able and ready to leave, until now she sees someone who is running behind her snooping and trying to control her , someone who is afraid to be with out her ( and what you said to her does not count , ACTION COUNT) 
What she does is damage control .What you must do is file for divorce and if you choose to reconcile then you can stop the divorce the last day of the proceedings.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

onemic said:


> Honestly this is not what I want hear right now. The last two pages were all negative comments and it's f*cken hurting me inside that this may not be it.
> There's a dude betting his damn left nut for ****es sakes. Lol ****!
> Wtf do you guys suggest I do?
> I figure I give a last shot whatever..... I get hurt again- ill deal with it!! I'll live
> ...


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## Mr. Self Destruct (Jul 13, 2012)

Remember. Calm, cool and collected. Expose them and bring a friend to keep an eye on you so u dont lose it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

onemic said:


> She actually means this I can feel it. Last time I didn't and I could tell fake people like a bad poker hand!
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gotta hand it to you man. For someone who was cheated on, lied to and cheated on again and lied again ( as far as you know), you have one uncanning confidence in your ability to detect "fake people". I hope you're right.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

onemic said:


> Honestly this is not what I want hear right now. The last two pages were all negative comments and it's f*cken hurting me inside that this may not be it.
> There's a dude betting his damn left nut for ****es sakes. Lol ****!
> Wtf do you guys suggest I do?
> I figure I give a last shot whatever..... I get hurt again- ill deal with it!! I'll live
> ...


You are going to fail, no question.

I use to think this way to. One day you are going to wish you could go back in time to this day and shake some sense into yourself. You will be on this forum advising new BS's not to make the same mistakes you did.

I know because I'm doing that now.


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## Samus (Aug 28, 2012)

Are you kidding me? Seriuosly you seem like a strong willed dude and I am shocked, utterly shocked that you are sticking around. You said earlier that you don't want to stick around just for the kid, but I think you are. 

Send me your wife's number cause me and my boys want to hit it to, as its so easy. See how mean that sounds, because guess what your wife is easy and she is going to steamrolled your heart again and again. 

Don't let her. You say you work out? You say you are pretty stacked? Dude you can get another girl, or just take a break from the relationship and enjoy the rest of your twenties. 

You really got to see the light here. Most of these folks on this forum have been through this, but to give a women a 3rd chance, that's gotta be the best kittykat in the world. 

:scratchhead:


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

I think you should really listen to the advice given here, many posters have done the exact same behavior your trying and it only added fuel to the fire. 

I _know it feels_ counter intuitive to give them up when all you really wanted was a healthy marriage but she will continue to cheat as long as she knows you tolerate it. 

You teach people how to treat you. This isn't her first rodeo and the methods you have used in the past are actually enabling her desire for other "alpha" male types. Until she has lost you she won't realize if she had any feelings for you at all. By then you'll have emotionally detached and found peace elsewhere. 


Let yourself go free because love isn't supposed to hurt like this.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

onemic said:


> Wtf do you guys suggest I do?


I suggest you stop focusing on how much you're hurting...and instead let yourself get MAD. Until you stop accepting the role of a victim (which is what you're doing by allowing your WW to keep getting you back with false promises), you won't see the other side. 

I'm sure you are mad, but know that its okay to let the anger out. Beneficial even. Not saying to scream obscenities at your wife or break all the china...just saying to act from a place of being WRONGED, and make some decisions as such. She cheated/lied, caught...tears...she did it again...tears...she did it again (or at least was going to)...tears.

Last chance has to mean something at some point, that's all people are trying to say. It's for your own good. Good luck...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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