# Getting divorced and wondering what the future holds, what do i do now?



## kdruark (Feb 2, 2011)

I have been dealing with alot in the last 7 months. I was not surprised when H decided to call it quits. We both knew it was coming and I was kind of prepared. It still hurts and Im so mad at how another persons decisions are going to change my whole life plan. This is not what I signed up for. We have a 3 month old baby and just moved to a new town because I got a job about 8 wks after having my son. We have been separated off and on for about 7 months now. He broke the news to me last night that he wants to actually get divorced now. I am dealing but still very upset. I guess my question is, what is coming ahead in the future? As in: how am i going to feel? what is the process going to be like? how do u move on? etc. I have never been through something like this and I just want to know what I have to look forward to and how long is this transition in my life going to take before I will feel ok again? Any advice is welcome!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What's coming ahead in the future is that while nothing is certain, your life will go on. You will be happy. You will come out better on the other side.

How are you going to feel? You will feel all over the place emotionally. Happy, sad, glad, depressed, angry, hurt, rejected, smiling, laughing. A hodgepodge of feelings. 

The process is a tough one. Divorce is no walk in the park. But it does not mean your life is over. 

Moving on is a day to day process. It's not like you will wake up one day and "be over it." Divorce isn't something you get over. It's something you "go through." 

There is no time limit on how long it will take to heal. 

Get a lawyer and definitely file for child support at MINIMUM. Protect yourself. Your soon to be ex no longer has your best intentions.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

The process for me has been hell. The future is too hard to think about beyond taking one step at a time. I imagine every one is different, but at 4 months out, I'm feeling a little bit better, but it's a slow, slow process. I think I'm learning patience through all of this: both with myself and with others. You can't go around it, you do have to go through it. There's no timetable. Whatever you do, take care of yourself and your baby first.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Amen womanscourned...no time table is the same in any case.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Sooo feel the days feel like weeks, weeks feel like years, etc. thing! It hasn't been that long, but it sure feels like it's been a long time.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

You take it one day at a time, and as time goes by, you'll feel a wee bit better each day.

You MUST avoid at all COST reminiscing about the good ole days with your ex! This will only set you back because it will only make you feel sorry for yourself.

If you must think about your ex, think about the crappy times, the times when you fought, the time they made you feel useless and the things you couldn't stand about them.

Make yourself a schedule of what you want to do on a daily basis and try to stick by it. It's OK if you deviate from time to time, but at least you have some kind of a schedule that you can follow and not just sit alone feeling sorry for yourself.

In my case, I'm working on self improvement Physically and mentally. I get up in the a.m. shower, shave, make my bed and have a cup of coffee. Then I ride my bike for at least 5 miles each day and if I happen to meet some people, I'll stop and chat for a while. This kills about an hour or so.

When I get home, it's time to cook some breakfast and feed the dogs before I go and do some yard work. There's always some yard work and chores to do around.

I could go on but you get the picture. The point is: Try to keep yourself busy. Do the things you've been wanting to do but never seem to have time to do.

Go out with friends (even if you don't feel like it), visit family or just go for a drive and or a hike somewhere. Go window shopping ... anything!


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## d1221 (Mar 13, 2011)

Recovering from this process is a journey in itself. Like many have said in the postings its good to try and stay busy. Don't overwhelm yourself with trying to forecast your future (that will add stress and worry). Some days will be better than others but I think as I am recovering from this I won't have to look back and rebound because I tried to hide or avoid dealing with my feelings. You may go days not emotions then out of the blue (whala) that is ok, feel what you need to when it strikes let it pass and move on. Just allow yourself time to recovery. We all here will be ok!!


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