# is it over



## luvbug (Aug 3, 2009)

My husband and I have been married for six years. My husband was the first to cheat before we were even married a year. I found out and cheated on him. I didnt leave we had a 2month old. We went to counseling and tried to make things work. They got better or so I thought. I found out again he cheated,but it wasnt until a year after the affair that I found out. I was so hurt I had just had a miscarriage and I found out about him cheating. I went out and cheated again. I didnt tell him for three years, but I did confess and he told me he forgave me. We decided to try conseling again while in counseling he cheated again I found out he said he did it to me because I did it to him. I wanted to leave, but he made me feel guilty so I stayed. February 09 I Found out I was pregnant with our second child. March 09 I find out that my husband yet again was having and affair. This time was different before it was he had sex with them once and this time he went back repeatedly. I do want to leave, but he has made me feel guilty saying that the kids will not be able to see their father everyday. He says this to me because he knows that I grew up without my father. How is this far? I just need some sound advice.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

luvbug said:


> I do want to leave, but he has made me feel guilty saying that the kids will not be able to see their father everyday. He says this to me because he knows that I grew up without my father. How is this far? I just need some sound advice.


He is playing the guilt card. Dump him and stay out of any relationship yourself until you grow up too. You don’t cheat in retaliation, you fix the problem or move on. Neither of you understands how to be in a relationship.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> He is playing the guilt card. Dump him and stay out of any relationship yourself until you grow up too. You don’t cheat in retaliation, you fix the problem or move on. Neither of you understands how to be in a relationship.


QFT.






John


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

I agree its time to go for both of you.

Its not about kids getting to see thier father, its about kids seeing thier parents treat each other well. Do you want your son to think its ok to have a wife and still sleep around, or your daughter to expect to be cheated on and have no self-worth, of course not.

Find a man who you can make a fresh start with and who will make a realationship with you that you would want your children to emulate.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

You are both obviously looking for something you are not getting within your marriage from each other...whether it's sex, emotional connection, or revenge hoping it will make you feel better, neither of you seem ready to be in a long-term monogomous relationship.

When the cheating or affair ends, it might be easy to say sorry let's forgive and move on, but as soon as things get rocky, or another person catches your eye, gives you attention, you both seem to fall right back into the old patterns. To me, it seems that neither of you are committed to this marriage and unless/until that happens, the cycle of cheating will continue. It would make more sense to agree to an open marriage if you plan to stay together, which has dangers in itself as many open marriages fall apart.

Whether you stay or move on, your current or future relationships will follow this same pattern until you put boundaries in place and stick to them.


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## luvbug (Aug 3, 2009)

I completely understand what everyone is saying. After he cheated on me last year I decided to end the cycle of me doing it back to him. We made a pack that if it were to happen again to either one of us then the relationship would be over. I did stick to my part of the deal I have not cheated in over 3 years I learned that cheating for revenge is stupid. I thought after we made the deal and started with a clean slate that he wouldnt do it again, but he did and now I feel stuck. I'm due in two months with no money and no place to go currently.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

all this back and forth, vindictive cheating going on, did you ever find someone who could be your sugar daddy? fund your getaway?
or maybe united way, or women's shelter.

vroom-vroom


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