# Mixed family issues



## zwilson50 (Mar 26, 2009)

I am married to my wife whom I have a 6 month old daughter with whom I love to death. I also have an 8 year old son who I had with a long term gf of mine in college who I also love to death. The current situation is that my wife gets in a bad mood evertime my son comes over. He currently stays 3 days out of the week with us. She likes to seclude herself in the bedroom for the most part when he is around. She would rather have him over less but that isn't acceptable to me. I feel like I am a great dad to both my kids but she seems to think that when he is around, I favor him and neglect my daughter.

My son is like any other 8 year old boy. He likes to talk a lot and doesn't listen at times. She gets extremely frustrated with his bad habits plus more which I think are normal but she attributes to him being a bad kid. There is tons more to the story which I will divulge if asked but this is the gist of the story.

Please help me as I want my family to be happy.


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## Ready To Give Up (Feb 7, 2009)

Speaking from experience with blended families, it is just going to take time. Of course your wife needs to be more understanding but I am sur she can't help her feelings towards your son. Maybe taking him out for just father-son time might help? to relieve him being around your wife as much. It's always hard to say other than communicating with your wife. She may just not understand how boys are, boys have energy and do get into mischief and like to show off their dance move or karate kicks. I know that before I had my son I didn't really like boys, now I don't have a choice, haha. The only thing I can think that might help you is family counseling. She has to realize the situation for what it is and accept that he is apart of the family. She's just going to have to deal with the fact that you have to divide your attention between two children and if she feels like you are neglecting your daughter when eh's around, remind her that she has his full attetion the rest of the week whereas your son doesn't. She has to see things through everyone's point of view, not just her own. I mean, before she married you she knew you had a child so she's gotta understand that you have responsibilities to your son. And I applaud you for making that effort, most men put their wife first and I am happy to see that you aren't another statistic father that neglects the child from a previous relationship! Good for you!

My partner didnt' get along with my daughter at first but it took a lot, and I mean ALOT of communication as to where he stands. I told him, he is not allowed to discipline my daughter in any way and the only role he is to take is to take her to the park or ask her how her day is. I told him if he has a problem with my daughter's behaviour he has to coem to me first about it and I will decide how to deal with it. Now, things are running more smoothly, 5years later. My daughter and my partner get along great, he treats her like his own. But like I say, it took a long while to get to this point. 

Blended families are tricky for sure! The parent inbetween definitely has alot of pressure on them to do the right thing that will make everyone happy. I hope things simmer down in the near future for you and your family! Good luck!


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## zwilson50 (Mar 26, 2009)

Thanks for the food for thought. Things seem to ebb and flow. She gets irritated easily at things that I don't think are that big of a deal. I realize we both have different styles of parenting but sometimes I feel that things have to be done her way or she gets set off. She will relax and later talk about it but she just doesn't handle issues well. I figure life is to short to be pissed all of the time. I'd rather enjoy my time before I gotta go.


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## feylovelyheart (Jun 13, 2009)

Hmm....My H has two kids from previous married but I haven't got chance to know them. Their mom won't allow my H to have them in our house because she doesn't want other woman to take care of her children even I would love to have them around. I guess I won't really know how it feels but I think your wife is having some kind of fear that you will love your son more than your daughter. Maybe you should talk about this more about her. Try to communicate it with her and assure her that you treat them equally. I think she needs to put an effort to get to know your son better. I wish you luck with this. I hope your family will doing well.


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