# Reconciled from cheating now wants to go out of town 2!days after we reconcile



## Scotty 1978

Hey guys I’m Scott. I have a question about a relationship I’m in. I caught her talking to other men on a dating website that we met on. We’ve been together for three months and she seemed happy at all times in love with me but she wouldn’t even let me see the messages all of them before she deleted them from iCloud and now two days later she wants to go out of town to Tampa to be with her grandfather that I have not heard anything about it until now nothing but casual conversation nothing about him being in bad shape we kissed and made up but for three days I was in agony and I really don’t trust her because she deleted all of her messages thinking about how much I had put into the relationship and how much I had grown to love her we were going to try to make it work do I have the right to say don’t go this weekend I’ll go with you And Now I don’t trust her because of the erasing the messages and not hearing about her grandfather soonerTampa to be with her so-called dying grandfather who I have not heard about at all considering she didn’t show me the text messages and we’re going to try to make it work do I have the right to say don’t go this weekend I’ll go with you in a few weeks


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## *Deidre*

Together three months and she’s talking to men on dating sites? Find a way to fall out of love and end it. I really see no point in continuing with someone who you’ve known for such a short time who doesn’t seem as committed as you are.

Sorry you’re going through this, but it doesn’t sound hopeful.


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## RebuildingMe

Scotty 1978 said:


> Hey guys I’m Scott. I have a question about a relationship I’m in. I caught her talking to other men on a dating website that we met on. We’ve been together for three months and she seemed happy at all times in love with me but she wouldn’t even let me see the messages all of them before she deleted them from iCloud and now two days later she wants to go out of town to Tampa to be with her grandfather that I have not heard anything about it until now nothing but casual conversation nothing about him being in bad shape we kissed and made up but for three days I was in agony and I really don’t trust her because she deleted all of her messages thinking about how much I had put into the relationship and how much I had grown to love her we were going to try to make it work do I have the right to say don’t go this weekend I’ll go with you And Now I don’t trust her because of the erasing the messages and not hearing about her grandfather soonerTampa to be with her so-called dying grandfather who I have not heard about at all considering she didn’t show me the text messages and we’re going to try to make it work do I have the right to say don’t go this weekend I’ll go with you in a few weeks


Three months in and she can’t be trusted. Be grateful you found out so soon. NEXT!


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## Jimi007

Your post says" Reconciled from cheating "
Who cheated ?


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## DownByTheRiver

You've only known her for 3 months. You don't really have the right to tell her to do anything. You're in the early stages of dating. If you're not happy all you have to do is walk away. Dating is not a commitment to get married. Dating is for seeing what the other person is like and it's way too early to know that.


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## Ksoul77

Hi Scott !
I'm sorry you're going through this.
As many mentioned 3 months is not long enough. Doesn't take away that it hurts- however good thing she showed you who she is in the beginning and not the end .
Move on and find someone who's not looking for greener grass .


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## BeyondRepair007

Scott. She's lying to you.
Even if she's not and there is a mysterious grandpa... she's cheating on you.

Come on, 3 months? Do I even have to say it?
Run.


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## Openminded

No. She’s looking for your replacement. If she doesn’t find him she’ll stay with you. Don’t.


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## *Deidre*

Jimi007 said:


> Your post says" Reconciled from cheating "
> Who cheated ?


Not 100% sure, but I think her talking to men on dating sites?


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## Lotsofheart73

A lot of red flags and only 3 months of dating.
Thinking you should cut and run.
Also, if that is a picture of you, you may want to change it to something else for a little more privacy.


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## DudeInProgress

1. She’s lying to you and you only know the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot more going on than what you found/know.
Refusal to show you the messages is an immediate no-go.
Her actions are telling you very clearly that she is not ready/willing to be in a committed relationship with you.
2. you’re only three months in, you need to demote her to non-committed status immediately.
Just tell her that her actions have shown you that she’s not ready or eligible to be in a committed relationship with you, and that you’re not willing to provide your commitment when hers is questionable.
You can keep her around to see what happens going forward, but start dating other women as well. She clearly is.


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## DownByTheRiver

I can scarcely believe they have any kind of real commitment after only dating for 3 months so I'm not sure it's even possible for her to cheat on him.


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## Diana7

If after 3 months she is still seeking out men on dating sites, then it's pretty clear she isn't to be trusted. Plus, she is almost certainly going to see one of them and not her grandfather.
Be thankful you found out now and not later on.


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## Diana7

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can scarcely believe they have any kind of real commitment after only dating for 3 months so I'm not sure it's even possible for her to cheat on him.


You can cheat after 3 months, or even 3 weeks.


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## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> You can cheat after 3 months, or even 3 weeks.


It's for wish to think you would have a commitment in that length of time.


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## BeyondRepair007

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can scarcely believe they have any kind of real commitment after only dating for 3 months so I'm not sure it's even possible for her to cheat on him.


Sure they could. But it doesn't matter.

If they used the word "Exclusive" then he should dump her.
If they didn't, he should still dump her.

She's clearly shopping around and likely meeting one of them in Tampa.


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## *Deidre*

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can scarcely believe they have any kind of real commitment after only dating for 3 months so I'm not sure it's even possible for her to cheat on him.


If they agreed to not see others, then she shouldn't have been chatting to other men on a dating site. I'm assuming OP and his gf are exclusive.

I think three months to give your whole heart to someone is too soon but he did, and that's why he's hurting.


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## frenchpaddy

we can't say if she has a grandfather or not 
but she is still looking for mr right ,


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## Diana7

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's for wish to think you would have a commitment in that length of time.


I would and did with the guys I dated.


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## DownByTheRiver

Diana7 said:


> I would and did with the guys I dated.


I know. I don't I think it's wise to commit to a stranger.


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## DownByTheRiver

Scotty, how long ago did you two sit down and decide that you would be exclusive to each other and make that commitment?

What are your ages?


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## DudeInProgress

DownByTheRiver said:


> Scotty, how long ago did you two sit down and decide that you would be exclusive to each other and make that commitment?


And who was the one initiating / pushing for it?


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## re16

Have you read the names of the other sections of this board? Going through infidelity, coping with divorce etc.....

People arrived at those boards by blowing past red flags, sometimes glaring red flags early in their relationships....

What you posted is a massive red flag... consider yourself lucky you found out early. If she is dishonest now, that won't change.

The only proper response to a red flag is a white flag... time to move on....


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## QuietGuy

at this early stage, you should not be struggling to make it work. The trust is clearly already broken before it could even be properly established. Tell her that you hope she enjoys her visit to her grandpa and that you have decided to move on. You are far better off to direct your energies toward finding someone you don't have to police. Consider this a near miss and a lucky escape. Learn from it and move on.


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## Beach123

She isn’t committed to you. Start dating other gals.
Do not go with her on any trip - she’s a player. There has been NO reconciliation… that was a farce.


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## Trident

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can scarcely believe they have any kind of real commitment after only dating for 3 months so I'm not sure it's even possible for her to cheat on him.


Not sure why you've got an issue with it to the point of disbelief but I sure don't. Most of my relationships have started with us declaring exclusivity within 2 weeks of dating, sometimes by the second date as did my recently ended 10 year relationship. The woman I'm with now, we just hit 3 months, we started with exclusivity after we met and spent the weekend together.

My point being that in my personal experience, exclusivity and commitment can happen from literally day 1. Sure, the depth, strength, and meaningfulness of a relationship grows over time but once two people agree to see only each other, then if one of them goes and."interacts inappropriately in some manner" with their preferred gender, that's cheating regardless of how long the two partners have been together.

To the thread starter (Op) I offer the following. This girl has shown that she is deceptive and cannot be trusted. I know you've got strong feelings for her but you are going to get hurt. You need to extract yourself from this situation before you get into it any deeper. If you don't, it will happen anyway and the pain will be much greater and you won't get back the time you've invested.

To answer your specific questions, no you do not have the right to tell her not to go this week and you do not have the right to go with her another time if she doesn't want you to go with her.


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## Tdbo

Dating someone is a test for future endeavors.
Three months in and she's cheating?
Say "Sure, go to Tampa, Just don't bother contacting me when you get back."
Put her to the curb where she belongs.
If you feel bad about that, give her a dozen condoms as a parting gift.


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## Marc878

Let her go.


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## Benbutton

Does the word "BOO!!" mean anything to you?? Ghost her.


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## sokillme

Better to go get a hammer and hit yourself on the head with it. You will have a better life. This post is tongue and cheek, but it's also the truth.


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## Enigma32

Too often, I run into stories like this. I'll tell you the same thing I tell everyone else. Dating is just a trial run for a more meaningful relationship. If you find out via dating for 3 months that the girl you picked is the type to go on dating sites and talk to other guys, you know she isn't the one. With this in mind, you have some decisions to make.

A lot of people will tell you to just walk away from her and I get that advice but it's probably not what I would suggest doing. I think you should continue to date her just keep in mind she is not relationship material. You know she's out there trying to meet other guys so you're free to go and try to meet other women too. I'd exercise that freedom immediately and try to find her replacement ASAP. In the mean time, do keep hooking up with her just don't go spending money on her or treating her like your future wife because she's not that girl. She's for the streets.

If it helps, I'd say the reason she didn't let you see those messages is because she promised to go out of town or meet up with some guy. Let's call him grandpa. She is telling you he's grandpa because then you can't object. "How dare you say I can't go see my sick grandpa!" See what I mean? Try objecting and I bet she goes to that defense. She's arranging it so she can go bang that other guy and see how it goes with him while keeping you around in case that guy isn't up to snuff.


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## Dictum Veritas

She failed the girlfriend test already. For your own mental sanity, ghost her completely, block her social media and block her on your phone. You don't even have to explain why, she knows what she has done.

No-contact is your friend as you detach from her. Don't go snooping her social media or get any updates on her life from mutual friends. No Contact = No New Hurt.

She is not relationship material. Respect yourself enough to realize that you have more value than to be entangled with a person like her.

Give yourself time to heal, then move on with you life. You can do better.

Or if you just want NSA sex, do what @Enigma32 suggested above. It's cheaper than a hooker if you do it that way, because that's her total worth right there.

I personally would be too scared to continue down that path, STDs can kill you (yeah, I'd get tested for those too were I you). NSA sex is simply not worth the damage, emotionally, morally and physically that it causes in the long run (that's my personal take on it).


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## sideways

Is it really worth having to play detective with her?

I know it sucks but that's what lying and cheating does to a relationship. It destroys trust. 

After only three months. Walk away. Staying with her and always wondering what she is doing (because of her lies) will drive you crazy.

Why torture yourself.


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## DamianDamian

Reminds me of this sociopath I met on a dating site once. She was in the process of dumping her current BF, but turned out she cheated on him with me. She was amazing in bed, incredibly interesting and loads of fun, love-bombed the hell out of me. I only fell for it because I was young and in a bad place at the time. 
This woman almost certainly has a personality disorder and is dishonest, if not a compulsive liar.


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## Mr.Married

Three months…… (insert eye roll)

Let her go. I mean Tampa and otherwise….


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