# Wife Changed Password To Facebook and Emal - Trouble?



## Rob774

I'm so used to giving advice on here, never thought i'd be here spilling the beans on myself. When i'm at home, we share my Iphone, she pretty much uses it more than me for FB and such. So its not uncommen for me to pick up my phone, and her account would be already on there. I have no problem with her looking through my account, since i stay logged on... no biggee.

Over the last week, i've noticed that when i get my phone now, she's used it and has already logged off, since its back to the log on screen. So that peaked my suspicion, why do this now all of a sudden, why the change??? So i went to log in as her... nope... password changed. I've come to know her password over the years, its easy to remember. So at one point, her yahoo was attached to my phone, along with my yahoo as well. Once again, she was always free to see my emails. Then all a sudden, she disconnected her yahoo from my phone. Went to check it... password changed!!!

To me, these are huge RED FLAGS. What i believe is going on, or may be going on is that we have a policy of NO EX's as FB friends. She knows i'm anal about this. But recently she was added to this FB Group that i suspect she may have run across an old ex on there from HS. And she may be talking to him through FB. If this is indeed the case, i'm going to be livid. I am not going to address my suspicions yet, because i want to place a keylogger on our laptop at home. When i'm at work (she's a SATM), she uses the laptop all day, so she'd use that instead. So after a few days, i'll know my answer. Wish me luck


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## YinPrincess

These are definitely red flags. Using the keylogger is a good idea, and I assume you don't think you could talk to her about it and see how she reacts?

She'll probably be defensive. Blame you... Or... she might fess up?? 

Maybe not, but I wish you the best of luck. I know how it feels to pick up on subtle little changes like this, then your mind goes wild making up reasons why it happened... but try not to jump the gun right away...


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## WhereAmI

It looks like you know what to do. Hopefully it's innocent, but if it's not you'll likely be able to nip it in the bud since it's so early.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rob774

YinPrincess said:


> These are definitely red flags. Using the keylogger is a good idea, and *I assume you don't think you could talk to her about it and see how she reacts?*
> She'll probably be defensive. Blame you... Or... she might fess up??
> 
> Maybe not, but I wish you the best of luck. I know how it feels to pick up on subtle little changes like this, then your mind goes wild making up reasons why it happened... but try not to jump the gun right away...


To me, its pointless to bring it up, because if she is doing something, it would be plausable deniablilty. 
She would just tell me the new passwords, and take her potential EA deeper. I want to have proof of something before i approach her. Because if i approach her early, and she lies... and i find out the truth later, that could be a marriage deal breaker.

I don't see her confess prematurely, because she knows how i am. I'm already insecure about stupid sh\t, so for her to confess early, she might see it as a lose-lose.



WhereAmI said:


> It looks like you know what to do. Hopefully it's innocent, but if it's not you'll likely be able to nip it in the bud since it's so early.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm hoping its innocent too, and she's just using some bad judgement, thinking i'd flip out if somebody is flirthing with her or something. If its harmless flirting by someone on her, even if she likes the attention, no big deal, i'd tell her to act responsibly and chill with all that. But like i said, she knows how i feel about her Ex's. These are dudes that treated her like crap, and in random encounters later, tried to pretend like nothing ever happened. The past is the past, and it should stay there.


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## Rob774

PS, i'm glad i've spent a good time on here. It makes you aware of little things like this to look out for. Years ago, i would of not even noticed this. But after doling out so much advice on here and listing to others, its almost instinctive to react to these things immediately.


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## F-102

There is definitely something, or someone, she does not want you to see. If you get the evidence/smoking gun, then casually ask her "Why did you change your passwords?" and see how she reacts.


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## Rob774

F-102 said:


> There is definitely something, or someone, she does not want you to see. If you get the evidence/smoking gun, then casually ask her "Why did you change your passwords?" and see how she reacts.


Well, hopefully i will have my answers soon. I will keep my own phone close to hip, so it forces her today to use the laptop (which i'll have the keylogger on immediately on). 

I think its too early to be PA, because she never goes out alone, but it could be bordering EA, which would hurt just about as much. I have sacrificed alot over our 12 years of marriage, plus 3 kids. So if something indeed is starting to creep up, i'd really question the type of person i'm married too...


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## F-102

Of course, this may just be a "toxic" friend that you don't like, but 'ya never know.


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## Rob774

F-102 said:


> Of course, this may just be a "toxic" friend that you don't like, but 'ya never know.


If only it was this easy. She doesn't have any friends that i don't like. But like i said, since i dont know her Ex's persononally, they could be hiding in plain sight.


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## HappyWife40

I'm probably way off base here, but I'll mention it anyway. Are there any birthdays or anniversaries coming up that she might be planning a surprise for? I say this, because it sounds like something I would do. Be innocent and look suspicious without realizing it. Anyway, like I said, I'm probably way off base. Goodness knows, I have seen on here how crappy people can treat each other.


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## Rob774

HappyWife40 said:


> I'm probably way off base here, but I'll mention it anyway. Are there any birthdays or anniversaries coming up that she might be planning a surprise for? I say this, because it sounds like something I would do. Be innocent and look suspicious without realizing it. Anyway, like I said, I'm probably way off base. Goodness knows, I have seen on here how crappy people can treat each other.


You are not off base at all, nothing wrong with thinking outside teh box here and playing DA. 

I would accept this... if ALL our birthdays haven't passed already at this piont in the year. Ironically, her birthday is the only one left. Mine and our 3 kids... all past. This reminds me of the scene from The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, shen she openly accuses her husband of cheating with the Nanny, and all she was doing was helping the husband setup a surprise birthday for her.

The ironic part, is that i just got the email of one of her excorkers, so i could plan something for her upcoming birthday.


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## HappyWife40

Rob774 said:


> The ironic part, is that i just got the email of one of her excorkers, so i could plan something for her upcoming birthday.


That is pretty ironic. I hope everything turns out well.


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## trey69

My wife has changed her password to FB and email account before, however, she told me about it...and it was due to her needing to because of lots of spam and hackers. So IMO, its not so much about her changing her passwords as it is her not telling you and letting you have the new ones. So yeah, red flag.


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## RandomDude

=/

I don't even have the missus' email or passwords or stuff. Heck I don't even bother to remember when she tells me. I do... however, eavesdrop from time to time whenever she's on the phone hehe... unless she's speaking another language... BAH!!! 

Anyways I wouldn't put too much into it, it's been 12 years, has she ever given you something to suspect? Is this the first time she ever gave you such a huge red flag?

In your shoes I would most probably follow my gut, and in your case you suspect that she may be talking to an ex of hers... well, I've done the same with some exs over the years with the missus, and it's good to close up some loose ends you know. I would personally lay off on the little rule myself.

Then again... If I was you I would still be rather pissed that instead of telling you about it she goes behind your back. Nonetheless perhaps she simply feels she can't approach you with this as she wishes to avoid conflict?


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## that_girl

Are passwords supposed to be shared? We know each others PIN number for the ATM cards...but email and stuff? I have one password for everything in my life. If someone figures it out, I'm screwed...

Maybe your wife just changed them to change them. I should change mine, it never crossed my mind to give them to my husband.


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## Rob774

trey69 said:


> My wife has changed her password to FB and email account before, however, she told me about it...and it was due to her needing to because of lots of spam and hackers. So IMO, its not so much about her changing her passwords as it is her not telling you and letting you have the new ones. So yeah, red flag.


Well, she technically doesn't have to tell me her password. Like before, i kinda got to know it. So its just weird, that all a sudden she changes it. There can be an easy explanation, i just wanna look into some stuff first before i question her. If i find out its nothing at all, then its pointless to address it.




RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> I don't even have the missus' email or passwords or stuff. Heck I don't even bother to remember when she tells me. I do... however, eavesdrop from time to time whenever she's on the phone hehe... unless she's speaking another language... BAH!!!
> 
> Anyways I wouldn't put too much into it, it's been 12 years, *has she ever given you something to suspect?* Is this the *first time she ever gave you such a huge red flag?*
> 
> In your shoes I would most probably follow my gut, and in your case you suspect that she may be talking to an ex of hers... well, I've done the same with some exs over the years with the missus, and it's good to close up some loose ends you know. I would personally lay off on the little rule myself.
> 
> Then again... If I was you I would still be rather pissed that instead of telling you about it she goes behind your back. Nonetheless perhaps she simply feels she can't approach you with this as she wishes to avoid conflict?


No real issues that have caused Red Flags in the past. 

I don't see what "loose ends" needs to be tied up since she hasn't dated any of these tools in almost 15 years. It should be nothing left to wrap up. To me, to go behind my back this way, knowing how i am is a bad, bad idea.


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## cdm369

Rob774 said:


> I'm so used to giving advice on here, never thought i'd be here spilling the beans on myself. When i'm at home, we share my Iphone, she pretty much uses it more than me for FB and such. So its not uncommen for me to pick up my phone, and her account would be already on there. I have no problem with her looking through my account, since i stay logged on... no biggee.
> 
> Over the last week, i've noticed that when i get my phone now, she's used it and has already logged off, since its back to the log on screen. So that peaked my suspicion, why do this now all of a sudden, why the change??? So i went to log in as her... nope... password changed. I've come to know her password over the years, its easy to remember. So at one point, her yahoo was attached to my phone, along with my yahoo as well. Once again, she was always free to see my emails. Then all a sudden, she disconnected her yahoo from my phone. Went to check it... password changed!!!
> 
> To me, these are huge RED FLAGS. What i believe is going on, or may be going on is that we have a policy of NO EX's as FB friends. She knows i'm anal about this. But recently she was added to this FB Group that i suspect she may have run across an old ex on there from HS. And she may be talking to him through FB. If this is indeed the case, i'm going to be livid. I am not going to address my suspicions yet, because i want to place a keylogger on our laptop at home. When i'm at work (she's a SATM), she uses the laptop all day, so she'd use that instead. So after a few days, i'll know my answer. Wish me luck


This is what I know...relationships are suppose to be shared 100%...if you do that with your significant other their are no longer any questions. Makes trusting easier...maybe she is up to something....maybe not. Ask her for the password and see what she says....that will tell you a lot
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rob774

cdm369 said:


> This is what I know...relationships are suppose to be shared 100%...if you do that with your significant other their are no longer any questions. Makes trusting easier...maybe she is up to something....maybe not. Ask her for the password and see what she says....that will tell you a lot
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See the only problem without proof, she could say sure... here it is, because it woiuldn't reflect the FB IM's, and any notifications to her email would of been deleted. So like i mentioned earlier, she could just bury this deaper.

I've got to don my Columbo hat first, and see what i come up with first, then approach her to see if she'll tell the truth.


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## RandomDude

^ That's wise of you, I would do the same thing.

Still, I'm thinking this could be harmless, but it's worth investigating and confronting her with evidence why she went behind your back.

I can think of various reasons of why loose ends may not be closed and also various reasons why I wouldn't tell the missus about them but that's just me. 

You mentioned you have been insecure about stupid stuff too yes? Well, that can also be the cause of sudden secrecy. For example, I don't want the missus to get hurt and suss over me talking to one of my exs who although I may be fond of, I do not love.


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## trey69

I'm assuming she knows you know her passwords etc, and that she knows you have gone on her FB account and emails before? If so, then since she changed them surely she would think you know they had been changed if you logged on to her accounts. Or does she not know you do that?


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## Rob774

RandomDude said:


> ^ That's wise of you, I would do the same thing.
> 
> Still, I'm thinking this could be harmless, but it's worth investigating and confronting her with evidence why she went behind your back.
> 
> I can think of various reasons of why loose ends may not be closed and also various reasons why I wouldn't tell the missus about them but that's just me.
> 
> You mentioned you have been insecure about stupid stuff too yes? Well, that can also be the cause of sudden secrecy. For example, I don't want the missus to get hurt and suss over me talking to one of my exs who although I may be fond of, I do not love.


I hear you, so in essence, she could call herself... "sparing" my feelings. But she knows how i feel about certain stuff, espcecially when we have certain boundaries already established with this sorta thing...



trey69 said:


> I'm assuming she knows you know her passwords etc, and that she knows you have gone on her FB account and emails before? If so, then since she changed them surely she would think you know they had been changed if you logged on to her accounts. Or does she not know you do that?


She probably doesn't know i've tried to log on. Its something i honestly don't too often at all. So its not like i feel the need to always spy on her. It was all on a hunch based on her all of a sudden logging herself off everytime she put my phone down. She had never done this before, so that's why i wanted to see what is going on. She knows my password as well, so she'd see it weird that i'd change it all of a sudden.


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## CallaLily

I think trying out the keylogger thing is fine, however you could just casually ask her first and see what she says and watch her reaction. Still do the keylogger though for reassurance.


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## the guy

R- 
You've been on her long enough and don't second guess your self, you know the game and how the script can play out so do what you need to do and confront her the way you know works best.

Just another bumb in the road and you know how to catch it early on and now you know what to do next.

I'm here just to give you a pat on the back and wish you the best.


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## Rob774

the guy said:


> R-
> You've been on her long enough and don't second guess your self, you know the game and how the script can play out so do what you need to do and confront her the way you know works best.
> 
> Just another bumb in the road and you know how to catch it early on and now you know what to do next.
> 
> I'm here just to give you a pat on the back and wish you the best.


Thanks, i'll keep everyone posted.

In my heart of hearts i truly don't believe anything is going on. But at the same time, many a man has sat up here preaching..."My wife would never..." and now those same men are now divorced. I just don't see her being this stupid, she knows i live on this very site, so my -spidey sense- would be constantly tingling if i sensed something like this. 

Signing off until this evening, i'm at work, putting the keylogger on when i get home, she probably won't even use it till Monday though, so i won't know anything till Monday evening.


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## Conrad

Good luck brother.

Hope it works out.


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## LonelyNLost

Wow. Definite red flags. You're the reason I ended up on this site, after googling "exes on facebook". I hope it's nothing, and turns into an open dialogue and helps you guys communicate. Why not just tell her you noticed that she'd been logging out of her mail and facebook on the phone and you wondered why? I can just see this blowing up if she finds out about the keylogger. Good luck!


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## Entropy3000

I think she should be confronted in a low key way at first by beingstraight with her that you noticed she has closed things down. And before she answers why tell her that you want to make this a formal boundary for you two. i.e. that transparency in these accounts is a boundary now even if it has not been in the past. You thought that boundary existed by default since you all were already open. But now that she has closed it down you realize that this is important to you and that it needs to be a formal boundary. So the emphasis is not about accusing her of anything and not about even why she closed it down. At least at first. See how she reacts. If she resists then you need to find out why. It should alos be stated that there should be no private / unknown accounts.


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## kekel1123

My wife removed me on her fb list but still relationship status married.... Dont know what drama she is up to....please advise, thanks!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rob774

LonelyNLost said:


> Wow. Definite red flags. You're the reason I ended up on this site, after googling "exes on facebook". I hope it's nothing, and turns into an open dialogue and helps you guys communicate. Why not just tell her you noticed that she'd been logging out of her mail and facebook on the phone and you wondered why? I can just see this blowing up if she finds out about the keylogger. Good luck!


Thanks for continuing to give me credit for you joining. I installed the kEYLOGGER just now, so we will see in a couple days...



Entropy3000 said:


> I think she should be confronted in a low key way at first by beingstraight with her that you noticed she has closed things down. And before she answers why tell her that you want to make this a formal boundary for you two. i.e. that transparency in these accounts is a boundary now even if it has not been in the past. You thought that boundary existed by default since you all were already open. But now that she has closed it down you realize that this is important to you and that it needs to be a formal boundary. So the emphasis is not about accusing her of anything and not about even why she closed it down. At least at first. See how she reacts. If she resists then you need to find out why. It should alos be stated that there should be no private / unknown accounts.


You make a valid point, but i don't want to approach her prematurely without proof. My fear is, i jump the gun, and she burries everything before i find out what, if anything is going on. Id rather confirm NOTHING is going on, then ask her what the deal is later.



kekel1123 said:


> My wife removed me on her fb list but still relationship status married.... Dont know what drama she is up to....please advise, thanks!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey, don't try to hijack my thread!!!

Just joking. See, to me, this is playing games. I know FB is just a tool, but if you are kicking me off your friends list, you are making a statement. I'd ask her what does she mean by doing this to me now. She could be doing this for you not to see her friends, so look for a "new" friend on her lists if you can get into her account.


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## kekel1123

I can still hack her account so far...just checked list, so far so good, I think its just her drama...lol!sorry.....he he he...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT

Sometimes fb "unfriends" people without you even knowing. You just don't realize that their name isn't there, or that you aren't seeing their posts. Just sayin'...


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## Kobo

A couple of other ideas?


1. Facebook will warn you if it sees attempts to attempts to attack your account (brute force login) and recommend that you change your password. If this happened she may have changed both to avoid having to know 2. (The passwords in storage may not have been changed so you get the prompt when you try to access the accounts)

2. She knows you logged into her email (read message that should be unread) and changed her passwords as an attempt to get her privacy. You installing a keylogger would cause major issues in this case. I feel you though. 

Follow your gut. I would have probably done a few different things before jumping straight to the key logger. Hope it works out.


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## MrK

There is one good thing about surrendering and just not giving a **** any more. I don't care who my wife talks to any more. Who she hangs out with. Where she goes. I don't even care if she starts dating again.


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## Enchantment

Hey Rob ~

Hope things work out for the best.

I see you've already installed a keylogger, so you are determined to see if there's anything going on before you confront your wife.

I was gonna post along the lines of "two wrongs don't make a right" in that she *appears* to have done something that is not transparent and potentially untrustworthy by changing her passwords without telling you, BUT that you installing a keylogger and snooping around is also exactly the same thing - not transparent and potentially untrustworthy.

What do you consider the state of your relationship with your wife? Are there generally issues with trust and transparency throughout, and this event just highlights them? What do you think your wife would feel if she found out you installed a keylogger to snoop around on her? And, what exists in your relationship that causes you to circumvent going directly to the source and simply asking your wife why she changed the passwords? Are there other reasons for suspicion? If the passwords changing turns out to be innocent, are you going to fess up that you installed a keylogger to spy on her?

I guess I see this as a great opportunity for some introspection on your part and maybe some marriage building activities for the two of you so you can build up that trust between you - and I really hope the changing of passwords was just a simple mind melt on her part and nothing else.

God Bless.


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## southernmagnolia

I'm sort of new around here so I don't know your history other than this thread but this thread indicates that there is no history of cheating in your marriage.

You've installed a keylogger which imo is a very serious invasion of privacy on only a suspicion. Keyloggers and VAR, etc. are mentioned very often at sites like this and similar so I think we get nonchalant about these things and don't realize the seriousness or the repercussions. 

If I were you wife and you did not come to my FIRST with your suspicions and instead installed a keylogger, my trust in YOU would be broken and I would be furious. You are opening a Pandora's box without just cause, imo. I don't think you are taking it seriously just how offensive and what an invasion of privacy that your wife will see this as being. Her trust in YOU will be forever altered. I think you better back up and ask her, talk to her, get more than just a vague f/b suspicion in your gut before you take this very serious step because to do this you are gambling on more than you realize. If she had a history of infidelity or you had more than this one thing to go on you might be justified in what you are doing but not now. :scratchhead:


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## Rob774

I see a lot of people's point in regards to me "jumping the gun" with the whole keylogger thing. I respect your opinion, and it actually makes sense. But although there is no past infadelity, we do have some issues currently in our marriage. So with everything else going on... this creeping up sure isn't helping that.

As for what i've discovered thus far... nothing damming despite confirmation i wasn't crazy about the passwords. They aren't even remotely the same as they were before. And for the suggestion about FB requesting a password change... why would you change your email password as well?

Like i said previously, trust... but verify!


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## Currant

Following your thread Rob and hoping for the best!


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## Entropy3000

Rob774 said:


> I see a lot of people's point in regards to me "jumping the gun" with the whole keylogger thing. I respect your opinion, and it actually makes sense. But although there is no past infadelity, we do have some issues currently in our marriage. So with everything else going on... this creeping up sure isn't helping that.
> 
> As for what i've discovered thus far... nothing damming despite confirmation i wasn't crazy about the passwords. They aren't even remotely the same as they were before. And for the suggestion about FB requesting a password change... why would you change your email password as well?
> 
> Like i said previously, trust... but verify!


If an EA is not caught early it is very very difficult to reverse. So it is about early detection. So there is none of this jumping the gun [email protected]. If she closed down your access, you are not jumping the gun. It is your right and responisbilty to protect your marriage. It is doing what a man should do.

While EAs are more likely to occur when there are marriage issues, they can very much occur in healthy marriages. They can take a marriage from healthy to unhealthy in a short period of time. The predator male is trying to create problems in the marriage so he can score.

The objective is to fight against infidelity not deal with it afterwards. So comments about no history of cheating and therefroe do nothing ... are dubious at best. EAs are rampant.

For me there is no privacy in marriage. If one needs privacy then they really should not be married.


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## southernmagnolia

Rob774 said:


> I see a lot of people's point in regards to me "jumping the gun" with the whole keylogger thing. I respect your opinion, and it actually makes sense. But although there is no past infadelity, we do have some issues currently in our marriage. So with everything else going on... this creeping up sure isn't helping that.
> 
> As for what i've discovered thus far... nothing damming despite confirmation i wasn't crazy about the passwords. They aren't even remotely the same as they were before. And for the suggestion about FB requesting a password change... why would you change your email password as well?
> 
> Like i said previously, trust... but verify!



But Rob.......you are verifying in a most EXTREME way. I don't think you are realizing just how serious the repercussions of this could be considering future trust on your wife's part. I'm sorry but you are wrong to take it to this extreme with no more cause than you have. If I were your wife and I wasn't cheating and I found out you did this to me on a vague suspicion.......my ass would be gone because you would have done something I found unforgivable. You are taking a risk that your wife might feel the same way I do about things like that.


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## Atholk

Rob774 said:


> Like i said previously, trust... but verify!


Hang in there.


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## Entropy3000

If a woman leaves a man who is caring for his marriage she is already gone if she values her privacy over his love.

All I can say is that my wife saved our marriage caring enough to look. I love her no end for this.

The biggest risk is doing nothing.


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## Rob774

southernmagnolia said:


> But Rob.......you are verifying in a most EXTREME way. I don't think you are realizing just how serious the repercussions of this could be considering future trust on your wife's part. I'm sorry but you are wrong to take it to this extreme with no more cause than you have. If I were your wife and I wasn't cheating and I found out you did this to me on a vague suspicion.......my ass would be gone because you would have done something I found unforgivable. You are taking a risk that your wife might feel the same way I do about things like that.


Once again, i respect ur stance. U know what she told today? "Your FB is so much more interesting than mine!" U know how she knew this? It's because she had my account open before her on my phone. That's how open we are about this sorta stuff. This was nothing we agreed on, just how we've always been. My suspicions raised only when her account would be logged off when I'd get my phone. So to me, there wouldn't of been a "B" if there wasn't an "A"

Thanks to everyone for telling to hang in there. In my heart of hearts, I really don't think I will find anything, because this has never been her deal. But I gotta know if there is an official reason for this change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southernmagnolia

Entropy3000 said:


> If a woman leaves a man who is caring for his marriage she is already gone if she values her privacy over his love.


That is your opinion and I have mine.  It's not just privacy, it's about much more than that to me. He is breaking the trust she has in him by doing such an underhanded sneaky intrusive thing without good reason. 

Obviously Rob feels justified in what he is doing but I was hoping to reach out to him and let him know that his wife might not see it that way. Also I can respect him for the way he calmly addressed me in his response.


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## southernmagnolia

So Rob, I have a question for you. 

If you find nothing, are you going to tell your wife that you put a keylogger on her computer??


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## Entropy3000

southernmagnolia said:


> That is your opinion and I have mine.  It's not just privacy, it's about much more than that to me. He is breaking the trust she has in him by doing such an underhanded sneaky intrusive thing without good reason.
> 
> Obviously Rob feels justified in what he is doing but I was hoping to reach out to him and let him know that his wife might not see it that way. Also I can respect him for the way he calmly addressed me in his response.


I post my opinion. You post yours. Love is more important than trust. Blind trust is foolish. Partners need to look out for each other. You have to have a greater comittment to one another to do this however. Not all couples are that close. Some are just friends with benefits.

People only hide things when they have something to hide.

He has reason to proceed. If he did not care for her he would not bother.

You stating how you would feel is good input for Rob. But to assume his wife will feel as you do is also your opinion. He has to weigh risk vs. reward. If he waits on this and it is something, he messed up big time. If it turns out to be nothing then great. 

Again I suggest that after he finds out that they make a formal boundary of allowing access to each other accounts.

I am not divorced. Been married 33 years. I had an EA. If my wife had not invaded my privacy we would not still be married. I am so glad she did. Just giving the other side to this.


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## Entropy3000

Rob774 said:


> Once again, i respect ur stance. U know what she told today? "Your FB is so much more interesting than mine!" U know how she knew this? It's because she had my account open before her on my phone. That's how open we are about this sorta stuff. This was nothing we agreed on, just how we've always been. My suspicions raised only when her account would be logged off when I'd get my phone. So to me, there wouldn't of been a "B" if there wasn't an "A"
> 
> Thanks to everyone for telling to hang in there. In my heart of hearts, I really don't think I will find anything, because this has never been her deal. But I gotta know if there is an official reason for this change.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I bet you don't either. But if you do it is best to catch it before it becomes anything.


----------



## Currant

Rob774 said:


> As for what i've discovered thus far... nothing damming despite confirmation i wasn't crazy about the passwords. They aren't even remotely the same as they were before.


So does this mean that you have her new passwords and can check her facebook now?


----------



## Rob774

southernmagnolia said:


> So Rob, I have a question for you.
> 
> If you find nothing, are you going to tell your wife that you put a keylogger on her computer??


No, and i know where u are going with this though...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rob774

Currant said:


> So does this mean that you have her new passwords and can check her facebook now?


Yes, and I have checked FB and emails... Nothing!

But all that means is that she coulda deleted messages/emails. Plus IMs through FB aren't saved when u log off. That's what the keylogger can help me out with. Like I said though, this could be some fools errand on my part. I could see smoke... where there is no fire!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyWife40

OK, playing Devil's Advocate again here.  Does your wife by any chance read _Ladies Home Journal_? The August issue had a big article on internet safety called "Ten Things Not to Do Online" and passwords were a part of that (what is a good one, which one is easily hacked, etc.) Just thought I'd throw that out there. I actually just read it last night and immediately thought of you guys.

Good Luck!


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## Rob774

HappyWife40 said:


> OK, playing Devil's Advocate again here.  Does your wife by any chance read _Ladies Home Journal_? The August issue had a big article on internet safety called "Ten Things Not to Do Online" and passwords were a part of that (what is a good one, which one is easily hacked, etc.) Just thought I'd throw that out there. I actually just read it last night and immediately thought of you guys.
> 
> Good Luck!


Not that i know of.

I couldn't sleep last night, so i found myself awake, just killing time, might as well go through her old emails and FB messages more in depth. Nothing really incriminating in there as i mentioned before, but i do find it sleezy that random dudes (a FB message from 2 years ago) just send your wife message that are way outta line in regards to flirtation. Either they know they are married, or just don't care, and just roll the dice on the law of averages. BUt in each case, she let these dudes down easy, and moved on, and none were FB friends.

Now what was troubling last night, just before i got off her email, she gets an email notification... from FB basically saying that someone with an Iphone (me of course) logged into Facebook under her account at such and such given time. Not that is seriously alarming to me, that she has protocols (which i didn't even know FB offered) basically warning her if her account is logged into by an outside source. What is she this paroniod to protect???


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## RandomDude

> Now what was troubling last night, just before i got off her email, she gets an email notification... from FB basically saying that someone with an Iphone (me of course) logged into Facebook under her account at such and such given time. Not that is seriously alarming to me, that she has protocols (which i didn't even know FB offered) basically warning her if her account is logged into by an outside source. What is she this paroniod to protect???


=/
Just go with the keylogger and see how it turns out.

EDIT: Yay! 1000th post hehe


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## Rob774

RandomDude said:


> =/
> Just go with the keylogger and see how it turns out.
> 
> EDIT: Yay! 1000th post hehe


My time frame on this is limited, because if i log on to her FB... which really won't tell me much if she's just IM'ing, then eventually i won't be able to keep up with the notifications that someone else has logged in. So at this point, i will forgo the FB for now... and just lay it all on the Keylogger like you said. And the emails of course, that i can monitor from work. If nothing else i may get lucky if someone sends her a message outside of IM, but withing FB and i can catch it before she deletes it.


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## RandomDude

Aye, it's the only way to get peace of mind mate at this stage, just... don't get caught.


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## Idun

> "Your FB is so much more interesting than mine!"


Maybe this kind of comment could lead into you saying something like "when did you check my FB last? And hey your FB is always logged off now when you always left it logged on before. Are you worried I'm going to facejack you!? lol"



> facejack -
> The act of breaking into someone's Facebook account and editing the profile to involve potentially embarrassing or humiliating information


I have seen a few FB friends 'facejacked', where they left it logged on and someone else has put a status update that's just plain wrong! (normally something sexual, and funny). 

Alternatively, she might be having a security freakout. I was recently reading about online security and identity theft. And as a result set my FB security to the highest setting and now if notifies me in my email when I've logged on. That's not all, if she's increased her security it will probably log her out as soon as she closes the window, so she may not be purposely logging out every time.


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## Rob774

Idun said:


> Maybe this kind of comment could lead into you saying something like "when did you check my FB last? And hey your FB is always logged off now when you always left it logged on before. Are you worried I'm going to facejack you!? lol"
> 
> 
> 
> I have seen a few FB friends 'facejacked', where they left it logged on and someone else has put a status update that's just plain wrong! (normally something sexual, and funny).
> 
> Alternatively, she might be having a security freakout. I was recently reading about online security and identity theft. And as a result set my FB security to the highest setting and now if notifies me in my email when I've logged on. That's not all, if she's increased her security it will probably log her out as soon as she closes the window, so she may not be purposely logging out every time.


What you say is plausable. And i've said it a few times already, this could be absolutely nothing at all. And all i'll find on the keylogger is daily drible, about being bored at home, the kids, what she taped on the DVR, etc. 

But for my own sanity... i got to know, i just have to. Spending almost an entire year on here... i've seen little things blow up to big things.


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## Idun

So could you ask her directly, in a playful manner like in the way I suggested?



> Maybe this kind of comment could lead into you saying something like "when did you check my FB last? And hey your FB is always logged off now when you always left it logged on before. Are you worried I'm going to facejack you!? lol"


Like you say checking her FB and emails has yielded nothing at all, so maybe it's time to give her an opportunity to tell you why she changed it?


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## Rob774

Idun said:


> So could you ask her directly, in a playful manner like in the way I suggested?
> 
> 
> 
> Like you say checking her FB and emails has yielded nothing at all, so maybe it's time to give her an opportunity to tell you why she changed it?


It hasn't yeilded anything...YET. It has only been 1 full day. I'm willing to give it a few days, perhaps a week, and then pull the plug on the entire operation if i don't find anything incriminating. I will address the passwords issue no doubt about that, but i need to know if something else is going on first. Basically i'd feel better walkign through the door as armed as possible.


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## Chaparral

Rob774 said:


> Not that i know of.
> 
> I couldn't sleep last night, so i found myself awake, just killing time, might as well go through her old emails and FB messages more in depth. Nothing really incriminating in there as i mentioned before, but i do find it sleezy that random dudes (a FB message from 2 years ago) just send your wife message that are way outta line in regards to flirtation. Either they know they are married, or just don't care, and just roll the dice on the law of averages. BUt in each case, she let these dudes down easy, and moved on, and none were FB friends.
> 
> Now what was troubling last night, just before i got off her email, she gets an email notification... from FB basically saying that someone with an Iphone (me of course) logged into Facebook under her account at such and such given time. Not that is seriously alarming to me, that she has protocols (which i didn't even know FB offered) basically warning her if her account is logged into by an outside source. What is she this paroniod to protect???



Facebook has started emailing me every time I log on. It hasn't been going on very long. Plus when I log on it asks me what computer I'm logging on from. They have tried to up their security because of hacking.
:scratchhead:


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## Almostrecovered

Rob774 said:


> Not that i know of.
> 
> I couldn't sleep last night, so i found myself awake, just killing time, might as well go through her old emails and FB messages more in depth. Nothing really incriminating in there as i mentioned before, but i do find it sleezy that random dudes (a FB message from 2 years ago) just send your wife message that are way outta line in regards to flirtation. Either they know they are married, or just don't care, and just roll the dice on the law of averages. BUt in each case, she let these dudes down easy, and moved on, and none were FB friends.
> 
> Now what was troubling last night, just before i got off her email, she gets an email notification... from FB basically saying that someone with an Iphone (me of course) logged into Facebook under her account at such and such given time. Not that is seriously alarming to me, that she has protocols (which i didn't even know FB offered) basically warning her if her account is logged into by an outside source. What is she this paroniod to protect???


Ive gotten those before, doesnt mean she requested it


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## Rob774

Almostrecovered said:


> Ive gotten those before, doesnt mean she requested it


True. 

That's why i have to gather facts (if any) before i come storming in making accusations.


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## Enchantment

Rob ~

Really hoping this is all just something innocent. 

However, it does appear that there's a lack of trust in your marriage - at least on your side based upon this thread. Ever explored why that is? Ever tried to work at making that better?

I think you should consider how you and your wife could improve the trust quotient in your marriage so that you don't have to live with this kind of continued angst going forward. Here might be a good place to start: Amazon.com: Broken Promises, Mended Hearts : Maintaining Trust in Love Relationships (9780809223985): Joel D. Block: Books

God Bless.


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## Rob774

Enchantment said:


> Rob ~
> 
> Really hoping this is all just something innocent.
> 
> However, it does appear that there's a lack of trust in your marriage - at least on your side based upon this thread. Ever explored why that is? Ever tried to work at making that better?
> 
> I think you should consider how you and your wife could improve the trust quotient in your marriage so that you don't have to live with this kind of continued angst going forward. Here might be a good place to start: Amazon.com: Broken Promises, Mended Hearts : Maintaining Trust in Love Relationships (9780809223985): Joel D. Block: Books
> 
> God Bless.


Let me explain my background briefly, we've been married for 12 years, our anniversary was just this month. I've watched my brother get cheated on by his wife. I've watched my wife's niece... get cheated on by her husband. I've spent over a year on this board reading case and case of cheating.

Now... my issue, or concern with trust is... i trust my wife, wholeheartedly. She will tell you that she has an engaging social life outside of me, and is not held back by me from doing anything she wants. But like i've said, i like for things to make sense, and right now things aren't making sense. As much as i love her, as much as i trust her, i know full well that EVERYONE is capable of cheating, in one way or another. So i can't be blinded by naitivity, and just chalk this up to random conincidence.


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## Enchantment

Rob774 said:


> Let me explain my background briefly, we've been married for 12 years, our anniversary was just this month. I've watched my brother get cheated on by his wife. I've watched my wife's niece... get cheated on by her husband. I've spent over a year on this board reading case and case of cheating.
> 
> Now... my issue, or concern with trust is... i trust my wife, wholeheartedly. She will tell you that she has an engaging social life outside of me, and is not held back by me from doing anything she wants. But like i've said, i like for things to make sense, and right now things aren't making sense. As much as i love her, as much as i trust her, i know full well that EVERYONE is capable of cheating, in one way or another. So i can't be blinded by naitivity, and just chalk this up to random conincidence.


Do you have open communication with your wife whereby you have TOLD her you have these issues, she UNDERSTANDS that you have these issues? Your actions here belie your words that you trust her wholeheartedly. Because if you were at that point, you could simply communicate your concern, then a faithful wife would try and alleviate her husband's concerns and be as above board and openly honest as possible (well, unless the husband is a total control freak and that brings a different set of issues in the marriage. )

Please don't get too caught up on the drama in the boards. They are a breeding ground for this kind of drama and can overwhelm you and cause you to distrust sometimes in places you would have never before. I rarely go to the infidelity, divorce, or separation boards unless there's a topic near and dear because they get me down.

Still crossing my fingers that it is all above board and innocent, and wishing you the best.


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## southernmagnolia

Rob774 said:


> Not that i know of.
> 
> I couldn't sleep last night, so i found myself awake, just killing time, might as well go through her old emails and FB messages more in depth. Nothing really incriminating in there as i mentioned before, but i do find it sleezy that random dudes (a FB message from 2 years ago) just send your wife message that are way outta line in regards to flirtation. Either they know they are married, or just don't care, and just roll the dice on the law of averages. BUt in each case, she let these dudes down easy, and moved on, and none were FB friends.
> 
> Now what was troubling last night, just before i got off her email, she gets an email notification... from FB basically saying that someone with an Iphone (me of course) logged into Facebook under her account at such and such given time. Not that is seriously alarming to me, that she has protocols (which i didn't even know FB offered) basically warning her if her account is logged into by an outside source. What is she this paroniod to protect???


It's probably just a f/b default alert. Maybe you are getting a bit paranoid?

I noticed that you didn't answer my prior question. If you find nothing are you going to tell your wife what you've done?


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## LonelyNLost

Just a sidenote, facebook now archives all chat logs as messages. So if you go to her messages, in the history it will show all instant messaging done as well. This was one of the recent changes (in the past few months). They go there unless you hit "delete conversation". The guy I'm dating and I have 20,000 messages in the inbox, just because it counts all im's as inbox messages. I guess she could delete them, but just thought I'd let you know. Still have my fingers crossed that this turns out well! Hopefully a trust and openness lesson for both of you!


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## Shaggy

The notice about logins from new places is a FB feature you turn on in your profile. It isn't on by default.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102

Say Rob, could it be that she wants something that is hers and HERS alone? Maybe this is her little selfish pleasure. I know, because my w and I trust each other implicitly (though there were a few times when I wondered if I should be a bit more suspicious, and being on this site contributed greatly to that)-but there is a website/forum that I am a member of, and I have a completely different password that she doesn't know (don't freak-it's a spacecraft scale model enthusiast's website), and I feel that it's the one little thing that I don't have to share with anyone close to me-even though it is TOTALLY innocent.


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## Entropy3000

Rob774 said:


> Not that i know of.
> 
> I couldn't sleep last night, so i found myself awake, just killing time, might as well go through her old emails and FB messages more in depth. Nothing really incriminating in there as i mentioned before, but i do find it sleezy that random dudes (a FB message from 2 years ago) just send your wife message that are way outta line in regards to flirtation. Either they know they are married, or just don't care, and just roll the dice on the law of averages. BUt in each case, she let these dudes down easy, and moved on, and none were FB friends.
> 
> Now what was troubling last night, just before i got off her email, she gets an email notification... from FB basically saying that someone with an Iphone (me of course) logged into Facebook under her account at such and such given time. Not that is seriously alarming to me, that she has protocols (which i didn't even know FB offered) basically warning her if her account is logged into by an outside source. What is she this paroniod to protect???


I guess this is something I have not turned on because I login from different places to FB ll of the time without any warnings.

As an aside, I suggest that if your wife is hit on by people she does not know who are not on facebook that she not reply at all.
That is just fishing. Replying just confirms the message got there. Just not a good practice for security with FB.

FB settings seem to change with no notice. Maybe after the fact.
The nig one lately was the posting of ones contact list. With their phone numbers for all to see.


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## Entropy3000

Rob774 said:


> Let me explain my background briefly, we've been married for 12 years, our anniversary was just this month. I've watched my brother get cheated on by his wife. I've watched my wife's niece... get cheated on by her husband. I've spent over a year on this board reading case and case of cheating.
> 
> Now... my issue, or concern with trust is... i trust my wife, wholeheartedly. She will tell you that she has an engaging social life outside of me, and is not held back by me from doing anything she wants. But like i've said, i like for things to make sense, and right now things aren't making sense. As much as i love her, as much as i trust her, i know full well that EVERYONE is capable of cheating, in one way or another. So i can't be blinded by naitivity, and just chalk this up to random conincidence.


I am with you. My wife has much freedom. So you are just validating this great trust you have. I see no issue with that at all.

You will probably find nothing ... but peace of mind. That is a good thing.


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## Enchantment

Entropy3000 said:


> I am with you. My wife has much freedom. So you are just validating this great trust you have. I see no issue with that at all.
> 
> You will probably find nothing ... but peace of mind. That is a good thing.


My issue with the keylogger is that Rob is buying his peace of mind with a breach in trust himself. That is not validating a great trust in my mind.

*lament here* Whatever happened to spouse's being able to communicate with each other and being transparent with each other? My first step would have been simply to ask my spouse why the passwords were changed because now I can't get in. Depending on the response I got to that, i.e., "Oh, sorry, I got a message my account may have been compromised" to outright anger/defiance would then have given me the answer that I needed to know.

Communication ... good thing.
Transparency... good thing.
Integrity/trust ... good thing.

And I am glad that neither my H nor I have FB accounts - maybe the only people in the world who don't bother with it.


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## Entropy3000

Enchantment said:


> My issue with the keylogger is that Rob is buying his peace of mind with a breach in trust himself. That is not validating a great trust in my mind.
> 
> *lament here* Whatever happened to spouse's being able to communicate with each other and being transparent with each other? My first step would have been simply to ask my spouse why the passwords were changed because now I can't get in. Depending on the response I got to that, i.e., "Oh, sorry, I got a message my account may have been compromised" to outright anger/defiance would then have given me the answer that I needed to know.
> 
> Communication ... good thing.
> Transparency... good thing.
> Integrity/trust ... good thing.
> 
> And I am glad that neither my H nor I have FB accounts - maybe the only people in the world who don't bother with it.


I would have asked my wife straight up personally.

Then depending on the discussion go from there.

I have had a FB account for a while. My wife is new to it. She really does not use it. 
On occasion I will mention to her that someone posted some pictures she should look at.


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## southernmagnolia

Enchantment said:


> *My issue with the keylogger is that Rob is buying his peace of mind with a breach in trust himself. That is not validating a great trust in my mind.*
> 
> *lament here* Whatever happened to spouse's being able to communicate with each other and being transparent with each other? My first step would have been simply to ask my spouse why the passwords were changed because now I can't get in. Depending on the response I got to that, i.e., "Oh, sorry, I got a message my account may have been compromised" to outright anger/defiance would then have given me the answer that I needed to know.
> 
> Communication ... good thing.
> Transparency... good thing.
> Integrity/trust ... good thing.
> 
> And I am glad that neither my H nor I have FB accounts - maybe the only people in the world who don't bother with it.


The bolded........YES! That's what I'm been trying to say. 

Rob refuses to answer the question I've asked twice which is, is he going to tell his wife that he put a keylogger on his computer when he finds nothing?? If he doesn't have enough guts to tell her, then what does that say about Rob?


Also he says he completely trusts her,:scratchhead::scratchhead: If so he would be talking to her instead of sinking imo to a lowly act such as this when there is no history of cheating. You can't say you trust someone and then install a keylogger, that is a complete contradiction. I think he is playing a dangerous game with his wife's trust of him and he is taking a chance on completely destroying it.


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## Rob774

U know Southern it's not fair to keep saying I am not answering your question... when I did last night at 2:45am. I answered to u directly. 

Update: Day 2... nothing! I mean not even a message to some random dude about the weather. So either shes good covering her tracks, or nothing is going on. I suspect the later. So I jokingly got into why she changed it. Her reasoning was valid, it had to do with her account password sometimes not working, so she changed it. She said she did it awhile ago, which is possible. I went into full disclosure of my fears and assumptions. She reinforced that she has no interest exploring a life romantically outside our marriage. I'm going to disable the keylogger tommorow ...PM.

For the final time, I agree with alot of you that I'm taking the extreme method here. But I feel alot better hearing here side and confirming it with my own research. This is different times we live in now, in comparison to 20 years ago. U gotta sometimes do stuff like this to help get the answer u most desire. After tomorrow I will not bump this any more with updates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southernmagnolia

Rob774 said:


> U know Southern it's not fair to keep saying I am not answering your question... when I did last night at 2:45am. I answered to u directly.
> 
> Update: Day 2... nothing! I mean not even a message to some random dude about the weather. So either shes good covering her tracks, or nothing is going on. I suspect the later. So I jokingly got into why she changed it. Her reasoning was valid, it had to do with her account password sometimes not working, so she changed it. She said she did it awhile ago, which is possible. I went into full disclosure of my fears and assumptions. She reinforced that she has no interest exploring a life romantically outside our marriage. I'm going to disable the keylogger tommorow ...PM.
> 
> For the final time, I agree with alot of you that I'm taking the extreme method here. But I feel alot better hearing here side and confirming it with my own research. This is different times we live in now, in comparison to 20 years ago. U gotta sometimes do stuff like this to help get the answer u most desire. After tomorrow I will not bump this any more with updates.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't see your answer until just now when I went back and looked.
And the answer was no he is not telling his wife that he did such a intrusive invading underhanded thing without good cause or reason. 

I don't mean to be cruel, but I hope she finds out and gives you hell because you do deserve it.


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## Almostrecovered

rob- imo you did the right thing

you hoped for the best and prepared for the worst 


I'm relieved for you that it was nothing


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## Rob774

southernmagnolia said:


> I didn't see your answer until just now when I went back and looked.
> And the answer was no he is not telling his wife that he did such a intrusive invading underhanded thing without good cause or reason.
> 
> I don't mean to be cruel, but I hope she finds out and gives you hell because you do deserve it.


As always, i respect everyones opinion on here, even those that disagree with my stance. But as i mentioned from the start, i did what i thought i had to do.

Too many times people ignore little things, little tiny changes. Why is she dressing so much nicer? Why does he come straight home and shower? Why is she nnow losing weight? Why does he take his phone everywhere with him, even the bathroom? Why does she work late now that this new kid started there? Why is our sex so much vigorous after he's done texting? Many times, people chuck up these changes, for chances are... they mean nothing. But for others, theres are these are the starts of affairs. As head of my household, it is my duty to keep my house in order. From the very start, i could of just asked her, and gotten my answer. But what if something was going on? She would of just told me anything, i would of dropped it and she would of continued on, and allow an EA to mature into something else. So instead i gathered my own facts - first. Then i asked her. You can consider it a breach of trust all you want, i consider it what needed to be done by someone who can't afford to be naive.


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## Rob774

Almostrecovered said:


> rob- imo you did the right thing
> 
> you hoped for the best and prepared for the worst
> 
> 
> I'm relieved for you that it was nothing


I am relieved too, i really didn't think that she was capable of this, but hey, you never know. Ever person who ever got cheated once said, "I never thought that -insert name- was capable...."

If it brings Southern any comfort, my wife did give me a hard time / half jokingly / half serious when i confesed to what my speculations were. So admitted to everything, except the keylogger. Glad i found one for free, because i'd be PO'd if i paid $100 for one and only used it for 3 days and found nada.


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## WhereAmI

Rob774 said:


> I am relieved too, i really didn't think that she was capable of this, but hey, you never know. Ever person who ever got cheated once said, "I never thought that -insert name- was capable...."
> 
> If it brings Southern any comfort, my wife did give me a hard time / half jokingly / half serious when i confesed to what my speculations were. So admitted to everything, except the keylogger. Glad i found one for free, because i'd be PO'd if i paid $100 for one and only used it for 3 days and found nada.


I'm glad it worked out! Care to share where you found the free keylogger?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment

Rob ~

So glad it was much ado about nothing! It sounds like you've got a pretty great wife! Let her know that!

God Bless.


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## chillymorn

Keep using it until she gives you the passwords.

why the seceret


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## Rob774

WhereAmI said:


> I'm glad it worked out! Care to share where you found the free keylogger?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Shoot, i can't think of the name. But i found it on youtube by typing in Free Keylogger. Then this one page comes up where the guy shows you how to use the software. There's a link under video that has the site to download the product. Its really quite simple. You create 2 .txt files, and it rights a scrambled code to one, and descrambles the code on the second when you tell it to. It hides in the background until you press a certain set of number keys, and then it comes up for you to translate the text. Small program.


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## Rob774

Enchantment said:


> Rob ~
> 
> So glad it was much ado about nothing! It sounds like you've got a pretty great wife! Let her know that!
> 
> God Bless.


God Bless you too. I am fortunate, one thing FB does show me, that there is alot of drama out there that i want no parts of relationship wise.



chillymorn said:


> Keep using it until she gives you the passwords.
> 
> why the seceret


I have them, and the reasoning was discussed.


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## Latigo

My $.02,
You did the right thing, and I'm glad you found nothing!


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## F-102

It was great that you addressed this before it smoldered and erupted.


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## AFEH

Rob as a guy who was with his stbx for over 40 years I can tell you you did the right thing for the right reasons.


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## inmygut

It's a good idea to trust but verify. One thing you mentioned has me curious. You said that she wrote somewhere that she was bored. That is a sign that you have work to do. Check out the Man Up info in the Men's Clubhouse. Also go to the marriedmansexlife website. Take action to increase your value to reduce the risk of her looking elsewhere.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

