# Don't know what to do



## Whole_Heartedly_Sorry (Apr 5, 2010)

I don't know where to begin. August through the very begginning of October of 09 I was talking on the phone and texting with a man I had met at a "girls night out". I was not emotionally involved, I had no feelings for this man, I was just being selfish and inconsiderate and just liked the attention. I ended contact with him. My husband found out through our phone bill and I confessed to it all. I love my husband with all my heart and am so sorry for hurting him and losing his trust! I feel like I have been doing everything to try to move forward, but I feel like it goes unnoticed. Most times I feel like I am walking on egg shells not knowing what might set him off and put him in a bad mood and ruin the whole day. He's not a very good communicator (neither am I, I guess) and so if he's hurting or resentful he won't talk to me about it. When he gets in one of these moods most times I just try to leave him alone and give him his space, a lot of times I just cry, and very very very few times I just get frustrated. When I get frustrated I don't even express it because I feel like I don't have any right to feel this way since I caused this. I don't know what to do anymore. I do not want to leave him. We have a 2 1/2 year old son together. I love my husband and desperately want to get past this but I don't know how or what to do to help. We both dance around it and it's never brought up anymore. I don't feel that he would be open to marriage counseling either. I feel like an empty shell just going through the motions lately. I don't know how to help him get past this...


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## MyDog8em (Apr 5, 2010)

You did the right thing by ending contact. Thats the 1st step to rebuilding any lost trust in your relationship. Rebuilding lost trust will take time and you may have some hurdles you have to clear, but it will happen. As long as you both love each other, given time things will come around.

I was in a similar situation with my wife once. She did not talk or text the OM, it was strictly email. It all came out, she ended contact and we are done with it. I still trust her completely as she does me. Best of luck to you and I hope this helps.




Whole_Heartedly_Sorry said:


> I don't know where to begin...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

First, you can vow to never have a girls night out again.

Then you can show him your phone/computer every day.

You can offer to take a polygraph, or just set it up yourself.

You can go to marriagebuilders.com and sign up for phone counseling for both of you; they are amazing at fixing marriages and giving you concrete steps to take, so that you fix the marriage so you'll both know it will never happen again. Plus, it will give your H an opportunity to express his devastation so he can move past it.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Are you saying that you had sex with some guy you met when you lied to your husband about what you were doing and went to a pick up bar?

Just being clear on what it is you did and want out of your husband, your expectations of him. 

His expectations will be based on what you did, hopefully you haven't spoonfed what happened or minimized it to him.

Telling your husband that you were not emotionally involved with the guy will not really help.

Please clarify about the level of sexual involvement you had with the guy.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I think you just keep telling him you were wrong and you feel badly for the pain you put him through with your selfish act.
Tell him you understand how he feels. Also ask him what you can do to make him feel more comfortable and secure in your relationship.
Do what ever it takes for as long as it takes....
Sooner or later he will see that you mean what you say and he will understand he is the most important person to you.....
He doesn't think that right now because you showed interest in someone else.....
Trust effects every part of your relationship, you have to prove to him that you mean what you say and that he can trust you when you are not with him.....
Don't go out and put yourself in any kind of situation that could be misunderstood, go out with him, have fun with him, little steps will re-build the trust, hang in there this might take a bit of time but well worth it in the end.........
good luck


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## Whole_Heartedly_Sorry (Apr 5, 2010)

Turnera - There will never be a girls night out again, I know that and I am fine with it. I'm sure he goes through my phone and our computer and I'm fine with that as well. I am willing to do whatever it takes to regain my husbands trust again. Thank you for recommending that website, I will check it out. 

Michzz - NO, I am not saying I had sex with him! This was strictly phone calls and ocassionally texts. I went out for a girls night out drank a bit too much and when asked for my number I gave him to him and he gave me his. All I had to do was say no and unfortunately alchohol was the factor that coulded my better judgement and now I'm paying the price. My husband knows everything because he asked and wanted to know. I have no right to place any expectations on my husband. All I want is his forgiveness and to move past this and be as pefect as we once were. I know it won't come overnight and I know it can't be easy for him. It's gotten better than it was but we still have our set backs and when that happens it's emotionally, physically, and mentally draining.

Jessi - Thank you for your kind words. Like I said it's getting better but we do have our setbacks. I like to think that I am trying in evey way I know how to gain his trust back.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You may want to suggest that he visit a therapist, to be able to deal with his pain. It will be good for the marriage.


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