# Well i'm a complete idiot!



## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Well i'm a complete idiot!

I'm new to this page but have read a few other posts. I don't know what i'm going to do as of yet and this is all on going so we shall see what happens. i'll give you the whole story but the juicy parts come towards the end so i apologise for any boredom in between. i think its best i give the whole story.

Basically met my fiance 10 years ago now. (she was from another city about an hour away where all her old life, and family are) and We have had what i thought was a good relationship but it has also been a complete battle all the way along. Things like problems with me going out, seeing friends etc Any female friends i ever have had or any i ever come in to contact with are instantly warned off etc - I always trusted her so i never understood where this came from.

About 1 year in to our relationship (we weren't living together at that point) I found texts on her phone one night from one of her friends telling her how he wanted her to wear stockings and suspenders & how he wanted to have sex with her doggy style etc. Her sent txts were never saved so i have no clue but i figured she was cheating. Confronted her and she completely assured me everything was ok with us and that he sent messages out of the blue. She admitted she went out one night and saw him and he kissed her but she says she never kissed him back - i completely trusted her and let it all go.

She moved to my city and we moved in together not long after that buying our own apartment.

A couple of years later we had a party and 3 of her female friends came and 2 of my male friends from down south were up. Night seemed to go fine. guys and girls mixed well and we had a good night. About a week later i spoke to one of my friends catching up and he told me one of her friends confided in him and said my gf was cheating on me. I confronted my gf at the time and she said it was because her friend liked me and was looking to get with me (which actually was believable at the time as I was good looking, had money, amazing job - the perfect lifestyle) so i thought she was just trying to mess with us. GF fell out with her friend and that has been that way ever since.

She is basically cabin crew in her career - something i actually was behind her getting in to.

Later in 2007 she seemed to be texting her friends quite a lot - like all the time! (i never worried about this as i'm pretty laid back) - She would then get txts through and i used to txt my friends but when hers were coming in at 2am in the morning when we were in bed i started to get a bit curious. A month or two later she decided she wanted to split up and by that time i thought i wanted my freedom back anyway so i moved back in with my mum while she had the apartment we jointly owned. I was happy having my life back but kind of lonely at the same time.

We split up for 4 months - I now know she split up with me to start a full on relationship with this other guy (who was supposedly her best male friend). note - She told me she hadn't been with anyone else during that time and it wouldn't have bothered me if she was.. but i also know she was with another of his friends as well (maybe why it didn't work between them) - emails that get left behind and forgotten about are a wonderful thing!

While we were split up we saw each other every few weeks and would end up having sex. Sex has always been amazing between us. She would have guys phoning and have conversations in front of me while i was round with her but it didn't bother me at all. I was having fun as well with other girls as i was single.

Anyway i was out with friends one night in a nightclub and i was due to be set up with a girl i'd really liked for a very long time - although nothing ever happened there. The next thing i look over my shoulder and there is my ex.. kinda drunk, out with her mum (through to see her). My first reaction was to be pleasant but i wanted to get out of there.. she followed me outside started coming on to me. pinned me up against a fence when i was trying to get away and wouldn't let me go (the only way i was going to get away from her that night was to assault her and i don't hit girls). So we shared a taxi and i got her in safe. I still cared about her. She told me she wanted me back and had thought about suicide as she was so lonely without me. I still had feelings for her and said we would talk about it more when sober and I left. We started talking properly again (like when we first went out.. it was fun) and decided to give it another go.

Things were great for about 3-4 months and then she ended up pregnant (right after this i found a diary of conception dates and dates we had sex etc) - i was angry at this as she basically got pregnant just to keep me or have a hold over me. I told her I wanted her to have a termination as we just weren't in the correct place and the situation of having a baby for the sake of it wasn't right. I wanted to be married, settled and do things properly. I also wasn't ready to stop going out and having our lifestyle change. (to give you an idea we would go out most nights, have meals, go to cinema, always doing something). Anyway.. she told me she was having my baby whether i liked it or not and that was that. If i chose to walk away i would never see my child. So i stayed. the diary seemed to disappear in to thin air too.

During her pregnancy i was always there but felt angry and disconnected but i loved the idea of having a wee one right after i got my head around it all. One night while i was out with friends i met a girl who i just talked to but never did anything with her - We just swapped facebooks and left it at that. From that day i never spoke to her again until later. 

GF had the wee one and i was right there and all great. I absolutely love my child to bits and she is my life.

A few months went by and we seemed to disconnect again. I would stay in looking after the wee one while she went out with her friends a lot. I started speaking to the girl i met - but only online - it seemed fun, it was good just talking to someone as i wasn't getting to do anything. We weren't talking a lot - probably once a week but as time went on (roughly 8-10 weeks) we would be more flirty, have longer conversations. It started talking about sex then she started emailing. i decided i was doing something completely wrong and stopped talking to her completely. Blocked her on facebook and never have spoken to her since or been in contact in any way.

In summer of 2010 GF decided she wanted to get back to being slim and wanted a Personal Trainer before going back to work - she found one local who was male and started sessions with him. She was off work on maternity leave and i would end up having the wee one. Please note - it was me paying for the personal trainer!!!! He had a fiance so i never thought to question any of it.

I later found out she was bumping in to him out when she was on nights out but was never really told anything. An event came up where he was involved and I ended up getting dragged a long to it. She was constantly following him about all night that night. We were meant to go out after the event but His fiance fell out with him and i later found out she accused him of cheating with my gf. I didn't have a clue what to think but she assured me nothing ever happened. I never saw them again.

He was still training the gf & all of a sudden she found emails on my hotmail account and went through the roof. I got called a cheater, she told everyone i was having an affair (I know i was doing something wrong and it could come across as cheating but i accept that - i wouldn't have called it an affair. I knew i was doing something wrong and chose my gf and child and wanted to be the best dad i could be. I was always there for the wee one and would do far more than my fair share as well as work.

She fell pregnant again not long after this came out.. had a termination without telling me and its only when i found something out from hospital did she admit it. She ended the personal trainer sessions due to a problem with him using gyms and she joined a proper gym.

She put us straight in to relationship counselling as well where i told absolutely everything about our relationship to the counsellor. We probably did this for 3 months and the counsellor seemed to agree with me almost 90% of the time and found gf has mega issues (split up childhood etc) and gf decided no more counselling as she didn't like what was happening - she wasn't in control i guess.

Anyway... gf went back to work, worked away for about a week at a time (probably one week away , 4-5 days home) while i worked, stayed at home and looked after our wee one. When she was away we would speak on the phone every night. Majority of it would end up argueing etc. She would come home and first moment through the door was a continuation of the argument - no cuddles, kisses or anything. I don't even know what any of the argueing was about. Things seemed to get good then go bad over and over. 

Things changed in the relationship, we hardly did anything together ourselves. Although we did try and make time together as much as possible. Once wee one was in bed we would sit and watch tv together - we were still having sex, actually being friendly and trying to deal with my affair so to speak. I was given what i can only describe as beyond hell for it.

Anyway.. after about 18 months (8-9 months ago) she finally changed jobs and based herself in our city. Things got a lot better and i really have tried. She still goes away (2 nights away here and there) but things seemed absolutely fine between us. I had a D Day in December to get engaged to her (relationship wasn't brilliant but I chose her and although i didn't believe it was best going forward i got her a temporary ring (with a view to buying her a really expensive one later and we got engaged). By this point we were looking to buy a house.

Well............... June happened. Everything was going so well but she had to go away for a week for training to her old home city. She told me she never went out but i found out later she went out with her best female friend. and things just seemed to get strange. She came home and had a night out with some of her friends and i go a picture sent through to my phone of her. i.e "here is 2 pictures for you x" - but there was only one.

3rd week in to June it was a family weekend so i was at home and walked upstairs one day and found her taking pictures of herself in lingerie. She gave the excuse that she was happy with her body after going to the gym a lot (had a new personal trainer but female this time) and wanted to take some pictures. hmm! 

She then went on another night out with her best friend (in old home town) - fri night and i was working the next morning. She said she would be back early but never turned up. Her mum was away and she was staying alone at the house. I phoned and phoned both landline and her mobile but no reply. i was really worried going out my mind. She was supposed to be home 9/10am to get our wee one. I never heard anything and cancelled work and took my wee one out for the day - we had a lot of fun. Fiance called me up at around 3pm saying she was still drunk and had to drop her best friend off in town and would be back not long after that. She finally got home around 6/7pm.

At the end of June we were going to an event in her home town but the night before she went out with one of her friends (who is supposidly my friend too). She got really drunk - thought i was asleep and proceeded to drunken txt and mistakenly call while laying right next to me. I saw something about sex in the txt message but i pretended to sleep. Next thing she is up running to toilet being sick and then falls asleep on couch downstairs while her mobile is with me upstairs..

Well i went through everything , txt's , emails, facebook. Turns out she had slept with a guy ^^^ and was having sex with him all day long when she should have been back home for our daughter. Also turns out she had been sex'ting a pilot swapping pictures etc. Her facebook says she is single for all the home city/work friends (privacy settings) - found loads of msg's from around 6-7 guys saying she is single and up for it etc.. I got in contact with the guy she slept with but he had slept with so many people he didn't have a clue (i found out she had told him she was single). Pilot things she is single too from the texts she's sent as i'm the ex.

I confronted her about the home city night and she told me i was being an idiot and she would never cheat. swore on our daughters life in front of her mum etc. We went upstairs to bed and i told her i had seen her messaging him. She finally admitted it but said she wanted to be with me and dunno why it happened. Said she would never speak to the pilot via text again too.

A few weeks went by until last week where the pilot added her on facebook (i was actually on my own fb at the time) and i thought i was seeing things. 2 seconds later it had disappeared but he was now her friend. I phoned her up and she said she had no clue what i was talking about. I got home from work that night and she was on her fb and i leant in for a kiss and to see what she was doing and she closed the computer.

I asked her to show me her facebook messages to which i got told no way they are private. I asked to do the phone swap test and she failed that too. She then came up to bed and told me she was going to her mums for a night during the week but would take the wee one as she hadn't seen her mum. I was like ok!!!!!! i went on her fb and found she had arranged to meet pilot, pay for a hotel herself as he had no money. All the while saying we were giving our relationship one last proper go. Next morning she changed her mind (but i found out he couldn't make it as something came up).

I kept quiet and said please please don't lie to me anymore.. do you really want to be with me. are we properly in this together? she says yes why would you question that. I mentioned seeing her paying for hotel but i told her i looked at her phone.

- This past weekend we spent the weekend together properly and her family had our daughter until tuesday. it was great all seemed to go perfectly. So much so i took her and bought her a proper engagement ring. she told me she wants to spend her life with me , won't do anything ever again. And we talked about getting married. We were about to have sex on the monday morning when she got called out for a night stop. I think right we might finally get somewhere and this is the last chance after all - i'm happy.

To you reading this you won't understand how convincing her lies are. but i'm not going to be fooled anymore. 


Tuesday i can't get hold of her as her phone is broken but i know what time she lands (1-2pm lastest) and i phone her mum who hadn't heard from her. I phoned her mum at 3pm who said she had been in touch at 2.15 and she was on her way to get our daughter. I eventually get a call at 5.30pm saying she has just arrived at her mums and is packing wee ones stuff up.

3 1/2 hours missing time???? she gives me some made up story about having a coffee with one of the other cabin crew. 

She gets home Tuesday night - jumps straight on hotmail and emails him - i go straight on and take copies of everything - a long the lines of "was great to see you today that was unexpected xxx" etc he emails her back but he is clever and doesn't give much away... then she emails him back wedsnesday morning saying stuff about "masterbating orgams, and how she wants him inside her".

Yesterday she got a replacement phone and no longer emailing and i can't get near it now. it goes to the toilet... it goes upstairs etc.


Well thats that and i'm done. I've also found out she was sleeping with the trainer from messages on facebook until he broke it off when she wouldn't leave me for him. dates also seem to suggest the termination might have been his - would i have been expected to raise a child that wasn't mine????????

I'm honestly the biggest idiot ever. I'm done. I'm going to just gather even more evidence - (believe me i have absolutely everything so far) 

I've stuck around for our wee so far one but i'm going to get legal advise. Not sure what I'm going to do.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Sorry if some doesn't make sense.. tried to write as quickly as i could while it was going through my head. I'm just soooo angry.


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## Dewy (Aug 29, 2012)

get a DNA test and get out now


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

^^^ This


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

she's probably been screwing around every time she has gone out or every time she has been away with work - thats how she met the pilot anyway.

above doesn't make sense but i've found all info out in the last 8 weeks and i'm finding more out all the time. i only found out about the trainer yesterday.

i know wee one is mine but i just can't turn my back on her - she dotes on me and she is my life now. i've raised her, i can give her the most amazing both emotionally and financial life going. i have no issues of doing it all on my own. i'd like her to have one more birthday and christmas as a family.

she doesn't know i have access to everything. i'm finding myself checking constantly over the last few weeks. from finding the email yesterday morning tho i knew i was done completely.

I'm tempted to completely screw with her now, keep on the emotional stuff, make her think everything is amazing.. plan to get married then blow the whole thing up.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

IMHO your only a COMPLETE idiot if you stay married to this person.....if you can even call her a person.


start an exit plan. keep everything rosey as you collect evidence. get a paternity test done and then out of the blue expose her to everybody and file for divorce.



good luck with the rest of your life.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Woosh said:


> Well i'm a complete idiot!
> 
> I'm new to this page but have read a few other posts. I don't know what i'm going to do as of yet and this is all on going so we shall see what happens. i'll give you the whole story but the juicy parts come towards the end so i apologise for any boredom in between. i think its best i give the whole story.
> 
> ...


She sounds like a sex addict. 

She wants you for safety and security and the others to feed her addiction.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

what your not married .....run run run and never look back.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

One things for sure: You're both not mature enough to have a lifetime monogamous relationship. You like to party, and she likes to party even more. With her job, being a flight attendant, she's used to partying everywhere she goes. She's the perfect fantasy flight attendant that fits the stereotype: Cheap and easy. 

She's also the classic cake eater. She keeps you in the relationship using your daughter as leverage, while she has the freedom to bang any pilot or any man that catches her fancy. She has the best of both worlds, a man like you she can always come home to that helps pay the bills and is a live in babysitter. Who knows how many men she's shagged by now. You had better get tested for STDs.......big time. 

You need to end it with her. With her job, I don't see how you can't try to get full custody of your daughter. Your fiance is never going to change, she's in the prime of her life and having fun and not ready for a monogamous relationship. 

Its time to take your daughter and move on with your life. There's plenty of women out there who aren't serial cheaters like your fiance.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Woosh said:


> *she's probably been screwing around every time she has gone out or every time she has been away with work - thats how she met the pilot anyway.*


Sounds to me like she's screwing with your mind too.
You allowed this to reach way too far.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

God! What a slvt! 
You both have poor boundaries so you'll end up hurting each other more!

The only person I feel sorry for is the daughter! Poor little thing. Why does she have to go through this mess caused by her irresponsible parents?


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

I gave up any social life I had when I found out she was pregnant. I've been nothing but a father ever since. She's my world.

Not sure how I have been irresponsible? I only found out she truly cheated on me at the very end of June. I've tried to make it work since.

As above I'm realising now that she is enjoying the best of both worlds. Until I started questioning myself on Tuesday and yesterday I thought she was fully committed.

I have no evidence she slept with pilot yet. Only potential plans. Tuesday could have been nothing.

I'm totally broken and gutted  I love her so much and it's like I've just woken up


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

May be past time for STD testing ASAP
Then look to better your life - you've had a hella ride so far.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Start on the 180 first and foremost. Click on this link:

The Healing Heart: The 180

The 180 is a self empowerment tool. Its NOT a tool to manipulate your partner into getting her back. It's to help you detach and be able to make the right decisions.

Then click on the links in my signature.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Wow, end it right now. Seek Legal help right away about the kid but get a dna test done. She may not be yours. It is best for you to know no mater what you decide.

Also get a check for STD's right away, she had been with more guys then you know.......

I am always into R but I think you and her are not mature enough to be in a real relationship or marriage, Take care of the kid that should be every parents priorty


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Just get out. She is too broken. You need to look at yourself as well.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

STOP playing games !! This is your life she is messing with. STDs, HIV, AIDS, I could go on and on, but will it do any good ??Understand this, " You are the PAYCHECK "
You have NEVER had a true relationship with this woman. And because of yor charmed life, you never looked too close.

Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, but she is going to use the child like a hammer on you.
So don't just sit there and say she is yours. Get a DNA. Although I don't think she was dumb enough to mess around while trying to get pregnant, she may have not been able to help herself while out one night. That may have been why she was checking the diary dates. I bet if you could have checked the dates, you would not have been able to ascertain if they did match. 
She had a plan, and you was it. She wanted a hold on your bank account going forward.

So ok, you are not married. The only thing she can do is get child support from you. So NO house with this woman.
No accounts, CCs or anything else.

You have all the evidence you need. Its time to confront, and walk.
The only conversation is your time with your child after the DNA.
Forcing the DNA shows her you are not playing around.
But be prepared, she will threaten you will never see your child again if you leave her. F**K her, the judge will take care of that.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

If you do not work on getting out immediately...then take all your money and start a "Time Machine" Company because someday you are going to wish you could go back in time and end this mess.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Call the airline she and the pilot work for and report their affair to HR.

Find the pilots wife and expose the affair.

Get checked for STDs and take all the money you can from joint accounts and change the locks. M

You got stuck with a real liar and cheat.

Oh and get the kid DNA checked, I doubt it is yours. The aborted kid was likely another guys.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

I've always kept my money separate from the relationship and she knew I would make her sign an agreement if ever got married so not worried about that.

Kiddo is definitely mine.

She's away to see her best mate again and have a night out so hopefully she'll meet pilot that night and I might get some proof.

From what I gather he knows nothing about me.. He is in same situation as what I will be in - has split recently and has his own kid. I've not contacted him as I don't want to stop it now if that is what she is going to do.

Std's I was checked about 4 months ago and have always been clear. Will do another one tho.

Going to see a lawyer next week over child and find out my options.

Thanks for advice. Going to do the 180 even though that's what I've sort of been doing.

I'm not a loser. I'm a good guy. Early 30's. Work hard for what I have. I'm good looking, good body and everyone likes me. I have no trouble with girls either. I've just been absolutely screwed over by this one.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Bro, nobody said you was a loser. We ALL get played at some time in our life.
But since she is away, HURRY an get a PI on her NOW.
Daughter can still have a good birthday and Christmas
But you need to stop prolonging this farce. In fact you never said you loved her until a few threads ago. So I was thinking you was REALLY ready to kick her to the curb.
After all, you are not even married. So this delaying is just game playing. YOU HAVE THE PROOF ALREADY !!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

In fact I would be tempted to wait until she get back, and just say I don't like you anymore, so I'm leaving. Then pack and leave. 
Only after she has tried to get nasty would I let her know what a **** I know she is.
I bet that rejection would just tear her up, after she put so much into playing you.

But all our best on what ever you do.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Being just engaged, knowing she's a serial cheater and discussing whether to take her back or not is the most disrespectful thing you can do to yourself.
She's not stupid though. She knows you'll take her back because walking all over you is the most amusing/easiest exercise she does every now and then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

I've got the ball rolling already with lawyer. Using a company at the moment for a business issue so have emailed her asking who she can put me through to in family law.

I've discovered a few more things. Some friends knew about the trainer - one female friend actually started dating him according to her ex who I've had a brief chat to. Know I can trust him but have only said I was looking to get in touch and did he have contact details. He said he knew why and heard rumours from ex but she can also lie so he didn't want to say just in case. I hardly ever see his ex (although technically a friend from about 8-9years back) and never accepted her friend request on fb but I have now. Fiancé wasn't happy at all.

Also found out he moved away (knew that) but as luck happens same friend above put a post up saying he was in town this weekend. I briefly mentioned it to fiancé and she was straight on laptop trying to find out how I knew. I never said exactly and I've been called dodgy! I eventually said and she got all shady saying I had an issue - well no it's ecause it's obviously all true!!! I knew that from fb message they were having but it could have been interpreted differently.. I'm going to get my family to have her for a few hours and see if I can get invited to where he will be and have a chat. I'm not angry I just want to record it and add it to the mountain I already have. Will give you an update on this. I also got accused of sleeping with the girl above else why would I add her... Ha

Fiancé is away on sat for a night out with her best friend in hometown where pilot lives... Has also asked me to have wee one early even tho I'm working so she can go down early and get ready properly.. Ha

I put my daughter to bed tonight before she got home so she has probably spent a whole 2 hours with her this week so far. I've spent all the time with her apart from when she is in nursery and I go to the gym then work... So I am getting to do something but I'm spending time all y time with her as I've always done. She's a daddy's girl.

Fiancé has sat on her phone all night from when she got in - I know she is texting him although I've not seen it. That 180 has worked well. I've not got angry at all been my usual pleasant smiley self.

However tonight she has also suggested she changes work shifts for Monday to do a night stop instead of a week of doing flights all week. She would have to go down to her hometown and be the same situation as Monday/Tuesday. I just told her why do that when she can be at home and see her family. Never got a proper answer - just its easier than her current shift pattern. I said if she does it it's her choice and do what she has to do whatever that maybe . Got told you think I'm doing something etc. I just said no just you do it if that's what you want...... Got left at that

I started texting my friends and it made her angry.. And using facebook. I don't usually do it a lot.. I expect she will get.up in night to have a look so I'm going to password it. If she wants to see my phone or Facebook she can but I want to see hers! I'm a complete open book and have nothing whatsoever to hide. 

Her family in a way is like my family and they will be very angry. Her brother is like my own and her mum will be horrified. 180 says not to tho so I'm not sure. I think that is my exit strategy. I run the risk of her mum confronting her and she finds out I know everything and what I have on her etc

I've added a lot of other family of hers and old friends we used to see etc to fb. So when truth does come out everyone is going to know. She's not going to be able to hide it as lies.

You know it's the lying that has hurt me the most. She stares me straight in the face looks in to my eyes and says something when I know for a fact it's not the truth. I knew she cheated in June... She said she never.. Lie

She said she stopped texting pilot.. I looked at her phone and pictured every message ... Lie

She says everything I now know is the absolute truth and there is nothing that can come back and hurt us... Lie

I also think our mutual friend who works at my gym is in a different category for the privacy relationship status so might see if she will look it up tomorrow. I have the pic of the actual privacy prefs.. Just haven't had a chance to see who is in it. gym girl likes me but me well enough to know I wouldn't cheat like that. Might get rumours going anyway... 

Not sure if I put it on other post but on Wednesday morning she got up straight on to send pilot an email about her having master action orgasm night before and wanting him inside her while telling me she was emailing her mum lol. Well she was actually in bed snoring her head off laying beside me "the ex"....

I know from 180 not to believe ANYTHING anymore and just expect the worst. Thank you to the kind person who gave me the link. On an iPad so can't go back to see right now.

I should really sneak over to other side of bed and grab her phone but I'll hold off. Can't have another night getting wound up and not sleeping. I'll see if anything comes of sat/mon unless she gets up to go to toilet....

At the weekend there even though I knew about 1 physical guy and sexting pilot I was wanting to make this work not only for me but wee one too. We've been happy together for years and years but I know it's done now. I have been lying to myself. I just am not sure when I will do it now.

Thanks to everyone. It's been good to vent this. Been in a dark place and it's time to take my life back.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Call the airline she and the pilot work for and report their affair to HR.
> 
> Find the pilots wife and expose the affair.
> 
> ...


Listen to Shaggy. 

She is a world class liar as you know. That's possibly the worst part, the stone cold lies to your face. Beleive nothing from her.

Expose not only to the wife, but to her family. She deserves some fallout from this.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Just vent all you want dude. 

Just get this woman out of yor life as much as possible.
You will have to deal with her bc of your child, but you won't have to be in a false relationship.
This woman was determined to hook you once she tested the waters after the breakup.
And by then she already KNEW she could keep you fat dumb and happy.
So checkmate her butt good.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If you have all this evidence about the pilot why aren't you exposing immediately? Why let her meet up with him again and again?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sometimes the best course of action is to go dark, especially with this kind of person. Engaging them just ad fuel for this kind of person. Any one that thrives with this gind of drama of having two lives will feed off of any raction from you.

These kind of poeple will go nuts when you leave them in the dark.

You will be best served to move on and tell her nothing, just like she has left you in the dark and is many steps ahead of you...its time to get a few steps ahead of her and get all your ducks in a row, and then have her served.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I totaly agree with exposure but with a plan in mind.

Get your ducks in a row and you and your lawyer make a plan and work the plan. And yes that plan must include exposure.

If planned right the exposure to OMW and getting your WW served can coinside with the plan.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I stopped reading when I saw this :



> She admitted she went out one night and saw him


I would have been done there.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

When you expose, do it at once, just before confronting her. Her family, mutual friends etc etc. Don't tell her that you are exposing her.


Oh, she will most likely try to manipulate you with suicide threats or false DV charges


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> If you have all this evidence about the pilot why aren't you exposing immediately? Why let her meet up with him again and again?


All I have is picture swapping - which I confronted about back in June and got promised no more...

They didn't speak for about 2 weeks then he added her on fb. They had fb chats (she has no clue I can get in to fb or email) so last week all I confronted to was the txting after I looked at her phone the night before she was planning to go see her mum and pay for hotel etc. We never really got anywhere with that chat.

We knew we were together kid free this past weekend so spent it together and it was amazing again. From what I was told she wasn't getting in contact again.

Then on Tuesday he must have known she was flying out of his base and turned up or bumped in to her. I have no clue what happened. She told me a whole big story about having a coffee (told me her name) but she is like a line checker. The way she was babbling I knew it was bull.

I have nothing apart from (hey naughty mr! well that was a surprise earlier..etc And few more things actually you've just made me realise something! Thank you will check shortly.) they might have just bumped in to each other... Had a quick chat or coffee. Or banged.

She has told me she hasnt seen him but I can't say well I've been in your emails as it will give up any future spying until I know for sure. She has already changed password. So then will want to know how I keep getting access etc

I know I have enough already but getting something on pilot but i want to know for sure. will be icing on cakes as it's happening right now and he is being played too. He might be playing her who knows. when her family our friends etc all know I bought her a proper engagement ring etc and she is off banging a pilot in work no one can say past is the past.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

the guy said:


> I totaly agree with exposure but with a plan in mind.
> 
> Get your ducks in a row and you and your lawyer make a plan and work the plan. And yes that plan must include exposure.
> 
> If planned right the exposure to OMW and getting your WW served can coinside with the plan.


Totally where I'm at dude! Working on it.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Can you show up at the hotel and catch them ?


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Hi Woosh, I would just like to say u r no fool. Additionally, when u got the 'you are both irresponsible....you are both too immature to....you have poor boundaries....you are both hurting each other...' I was so dismayed. Really felt for you. You come here, lay down your story, and get painted with her brush too.

The only reason this was said of you will be from that small snippet you wrote about you messaging with that girl and it overstepping the mark into flirting. The fact you realised & stopped it was ignored, the fact you stopped BEFORE the messages were discovered and before it went too far was ignored. This happens on here which is a shame. The differentiation of someone who did something wrong & stopped before it went full blown, or put their own brakes on is not there and they are dropped in the same camp as a serial liar, cheater, low down & dirty fu*ker. 

So, I just wanted to tell you don't take it to heart. It is obvious in what you write you are in a completely different camp to her. You slipped a little, realised, and stopped. And all people that have children have a life before, and a life after. That is how it is supposed to be. Those wrong 'uns are the ones who continue their life as if they never have kids, and the kids are just an irritating distraction who get in the way of their life. You are not one of these. She is, it seems. 

Those comments at the beginning of your thread were wrong. So very wrong. And were unhelpful to you, to your situation. But I don't think anything was really meant of them, just a bit blinded by too much black and whiteness and a lack of understanding (sorry posters, I mean no offence). Don't ignore the other bits of what they say though, apart from this aspect of their posts they do come out with some very good advice.

I wish u lots of luck. Be shrewd in what you do, VERY. If you are not careful she will hang you given half a chance. The part where she said of you leave her you will never see your daughter again is very telling. Do not take that kind of behaviour lightly. She doesn't care about you, and she doesn't care about her daughter. All she cares about is her. And is she can use your daughter to get at you, she will. Be very careful and get all in place to leave. With your daughter.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

And BTW, the best way to hurt her, to really show her what she has done, is to give her nothing. Don't tell her why you are leaving her, don't give her any information whatsoever. Information is power and what you give her she can use against you. At the very least it will be used to engage with you, argue with you, to twist and turn back on to you and suck you in to ridiculous conversations. That would be the least of your worries though with the way she uses the information. Prepare, go dark on her, and sit back and watch her go crazy with the lack of knowing, by you giving her no avenue to respond, by you giving her no avenue to manipulate, distort, and hurt you.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Woosh said:


> I'm tempted to completely screw with her now, keep on the emotional stuff, make her think everything is amazing.. plan to get married then blow the whole thing up.


Are you willing to put your daughter through another bigger mess?

You should keep the wh0re out of your daughter's life! 
Is this the example you want to give her?

Please, think about protecting your daughter (at least).
If you don't want to protect yourself that's fine. But be more responsible for your daughter.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Woosh said:


> Totally where I'm at dude! Working on it.


Damn Woosh your girl is a nu job.

Protect yourself my man and the baby too!

And you know what, hide the damn engagement ring before you confront her.

And expose to everyone at the same time, traoner, pilot, friends and family.

Make the evidence damning for her.

She deserves it.

HM64


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

The prognosis is simple - Staying out, unavailable, not returning to look after /care for her child, sending picture slamming shut the computer because the facebook content is "private" , hidden text. Time to to Im sorry to say - Your paying for a single female life. Let her care for herself or better still let the other guy do the babysitting when shes out. First big issue is "its priavte". In any relationship means no one outside you and your partner needs to know your business, inside the relationship its all open and above board. 

Good luck with this I suspect youll have a hardtime very soon


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

I am not sure how the wedding was to be paid for but if she or her family had to pay for alot of it prior to the wedding date then drop bomb. The cost could be a good payback in a sense. Just saying!!!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

I think she can manipulate you into the marriage easily even after your exposure or confrontation, she is pure evil. A life with her will be the worst punishment you can get in your life. 

She has cheated on you through out the relationship, she has lied, she manipulated you by getting pregnant. She got knocked up by gym guy, Now she is cheating even after engagement. If you stay with her she will do it through out. She is too broken, you cant fix her.

By the way do the paternity test, 

Run man RUN to the mountains. its toooo late already.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Picking upp on what "shootmeplz" states. there is a story knocking about where the bridegroom finds out that the bride has been "putting it about". he gets all the evidence, has some pictures and then when the wedding goes through he stands for his speech, looks around the full reception paid for by his cheating brides father and then commences to thank everyone for their cards, presents and of course helping him to celebrate the wedding days "he's waited for". (you can see this unwrapping here can't you) He then turns to his bride commends her on looking wonderful on that very secial day and then hads her a envalope in which he has all the evidence with some pictures, copies of texts sent to various guys telling them how and what she'd like t do. The odd picture of her leaving some houses and resturants arms around strange men and of course pages of FB messages. He then reads an excerpt of one of the messages much to her horror and then says rather than raise your glasses to the bridge and grooms long life togther please raise your glasses to the annulment which will be forethcomming - he turns and leave the reception - Priceless payback time. AND he does get the annulment! Cost to the brides father soem 20K cost to her = some really pi**ed off friends who were used as excuses to play away.

(not sure if this is all true but heck it makes revenge good reading)


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Thank you so much. Each of you have been truly a huge help in dealing with this. Getting my head around it and making a plan..

Remains- thank you. I completely felt like that and appreciate everything you say.

I've decided to go dark on her. No more confrontation at all. I've also decided to leave her 100%. However I'm possibly going to wait until January to do it pending legal advise I get this next week. 4 months left. Pilot is welcome to her.

Daughter has a few special days coming up including a holiday so I'm going to give her the best hol, birthday and Christmas. I broke down for the first time since my father died today but not for fiancé - just realisation that I will have to walk out on wee one. Had a long chat with my mum and my best friend today and I have full support.

Her father wants to pay for wedding and I half thought of that but no I can't do that.

During this time I will spend as much time as possible with daughter and prepare her for my departure so to speak. I think I know now how I'm going to do it and I'm not going to blow it up for the sake of daughter.

I realise she is just holding on to get married then probably leave within a year whilst playing a game with me. I know she doesn't care about me at all and wouldn't do this to me if she did. She honestly had me until she did that on Tuesday and her loss big time. Hope he was worth it. She is just holding off for a big payday well she is stuffed now as you all have helped me see her for what she is! 

I tried getting in touch with trainer but might have messed up. Either way I'll deny I got in contact etc. Will see what happens. Would be good to prove she was sleeping with him in our apartment while I was paying his training fees - well before she found out about my little chat.

Anyway will keep u updated if you want?


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I struggled to find a period in your story where she wasn't cheating on you.

Dude, get out.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Don't wait until jan. what you going to do, not have sex with her until jan? She might pull getting pregnant again possibly with OMs kid.

She is also highly likely to get picking up STDs or even aids living this open lifestyle.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

I am sorry this happened to you. I dont understand why you simply just let her do what she wanted. Im usually all for R but if you keep that attitude, and let her walk all over she will keep doing it because there are no consequences for her actions. Did you even get a paternity test done? A baby is no reason to marry. If you D or R use these cruel memories as a reminder to not tolerate no wayward actions, gaslighing or abuse. You cant keep living the single life if youre planning on building a life with someone else. No girls night out, or boys night out, no dinners with opposite sex friends etc etc, lay the law down
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

To answer that.. The boundaries were we would never cheat on each other under no circumstance.

The kiss as far as I'm aware in the beginning could have been just that. She was out with family that night. I told her then it was unacceptable and to break up if that's what she was going to do.

We've tried to keep seeing our friends and some sort of social life but since wee one mine has just gone to hardly any and yes I agree I've let her walk all over me. She is controlling and I should learnt when we broke up but I was a fool.

I knew she was having a night out with friends etc I never had a reason not to trust her. Never. She gave me enough belief that I never had a reason to question. If it wasn't for her doing the pics in lingerie - then the texting while drunk beside me I probably would still not know.

Once I properly started looking I've found more and more and more. If I hadn't installed a key logger I wouldn't have known 90% of it.

I messed up with trainer - he wasn't guy I txt but I re looked on fb and found another chat from 2010 where she admits going home with him and sleeping in then waking up in a rush to come in at 7am - something I went mental at at the time and she said she stayed at a friends house (she is also meant to be my friend) and I openly asked her the next day to which I got told she stayed over. Caught. Her friends have covered up for her and lied to me.

Also I have a feeling her mum knows and has been lying now.

I haven't decided exactly when. January is just a latest date as I want to be with daughter for Christmas and new year. I might not see her for some time. That is the kind of heartless ***** she is going to be.

I'll know more after appointment with lawyer.

Be funny if someone looks at this page who knows me or us... I don't care anymore. Her days are numbered. She is due home any minute. Got a txt through saying passenger commented on ring saying it is amazing.. She then said thank you, I love you so much  xx. - haaaaa!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Whoosh

Get all your evidence printed and saved outside your home somewhere secure.

See the lawyer and get a good custody plan arranged.

Then do what you need to do. Exposé her, the Other Men and her firends to her family.

Then walk out the door.

Do not drag this out.

She is not worth it.

You and your daughter can have a great holiday no matter happens.

HM64


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé her wide and far.


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## Romeo_Holden (Sep 17, 2011)

She is not worth it....usually when people try to rationalize staying with women like this it's because of internal issues and insecurities they have, your kid is not the reason you are staying. Do what you have to do and end it, the life you shared is gone, the sooner you accept it the happier you will be, if you stay with her now you will regret it later after giving her your best years, don't do it


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

A bit of an update. I wasn't going to and i know i'm completely in the wrong but i had to know for sure. this is has been like a television drama. i think i should write a book.

Fiance went out tonight in her home town with her mum and best friend and a few other friends. I started getting texts through saying "i love you so much, i want you etc, then i want to fu...k you!".

I was like wow i've not had texts like those in agessss! I still had decided it was over but i text back and had some fun. anyway... i had the burner phone with me so i thought i'll send her a txt like that in the form of the one night stand she had in June. (i have all the convos etc)

Well.... I did.. She replied and thought it was him.. i carried on.. and got to the stage where she was wanting to meet up for some fun right there and then. offered to go back to his with him or get a hotel etc. i played it further and said what would you do to me... i got the reply put my lips right round your lipstick.... she said so now? i said no had a better offer and talk another time. She then came back with i'm on top form tonight i'll make it the best you know me i'm not shy..  

Anyway.. i decided to take it one step further and say i haven't got condoms... she said she had them and what about hotel? i said can go back to mine but would have to ditch other girl but would want bareback with her... of which she was up for (and then text me on my on phone saying she was soo horny right now!!!) . it then went silent and she started saying "who is this etc"... i played a little with her... and she now knows its not that guy but she doesn't know who and she will be ****ting it!

I thought i could wait it out but i can't after that. thanks everyone you had her cards marked correctly.

i honestly didn't think it could get any worse.. but i can't believe she fell for it. its really gotten completely out of hand i know but i'm going for an early exit strategy once i have seen a lawyer.

I appreciate everyones advise and kind words.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Romeo ... i get that and i am ending it once i have legal advice. i want to get in first and hit her sideways.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Woosh said:


> i know wee one is mine...


famous last words. Do the DNA.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Dont waste a second, do the DNA test. She is too damaged and the probability of you not the father seems tooo high.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Have had some very good advice from a friend who went through a split. Although they settled amicably and sees his kid 2 days a week. Says it was hard at first but it's easier as time goes on.

Fiancé came home in a very angry mood. Seemingly bumped in to one night stand last night but said he tried to come on to her and she said no. Fb suggests opposite and because she thought I was him she threw herself at him and he has turned around and said you have embarrassed me. Never speak to me ever again.bye - he must think she as a screw loose hahaha I enjoyed that. Anyway mood is because she doesn't know who has txt her and it's been going on all morning. .

She asked what I thought about him seeing her and I said I got past it. As long as he or she wasn't trying to meet up for sex I ave no issue. If she did we were over.. Lied to me again..and I'm just gonna play it out and keep winding for now.

Most importantly.. It's make an app with lawyer and citizens advice. My friend said they are fantastic and full of useful info.

Checked out paternity too.. Their is just checking normally or official legal through lawyer I would assume. Might do that as if I go for full custody it could be used in court if it goes that far. I'm still thinking some sort of separation would be better and try and get on for sake of daughter.

Looking fwd to tomorrow  and I'm detaching myself


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Congratulations Woosh. There is nothing like casting out the line and reeling them in slowly. Many would say you shouldnt do this. Im always in favour of (a) making sure for yourself that there is a reason to be concerned. (b) That the threat is still on going (c) that you can/have justified doing this.
In your position I would do exactly the same and I suppose this close to getting legal advice it's a little like getting your own back for all youve been put through. Distancing yourself quietly now will start a hardening process to your feelings and of course you are now in control of the situation. I would suggest that if possible you link your mob' phone to a computer and copy over the texts so that you have a hidden backup and then clear your phone - That way if your partner does decide to see if you've playing with her head there is not trace 9this includes any delivery reports - These are give-aways if they are switched on to your account (or hers if you want to se whats happening).

Good luck with this - I suspect that there is likey to be a very upset lady your side.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Woosh

Detach and end it. You are just torturing yourself now.

Go see the lawyer, work out custody and move on.

She is not capable of a monogamous, long term commitment.

HM64


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Woosh
> 
> Detach and end it. You are just torturing yourself now.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I would seriously consider just throwing her out. More importantly, without your daughter. If she has custody you may well end up barely seeing her, or never seeing her. She will use your daughter against you, and she will poison your daughters mind against you. She may end up moving miles away so it makes it very difficult for you to have access and be a part of her life.

You really TO NOT want this woman to be the main carer of your daughter. She will be dumped on babysitters and whoever else in order for your fiance to go out and have fun at will. She will bring strange men home. And your daughter will learn well how to be an unloveable and unloving bi*ch. 

And she will feel unloved with a mother who loves no one but herself. Don't leave her with her mother. Just please don't. You will set yourself and your daughter up for a miserable existence, and what is done cannot be undone. Once you leave her with her mother it will be very difficult to change that. And any damage done impossible to undo.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

And yes, keep us updated. 

Good luck.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

She's picked sex over her motherly responsibilities. You need to note all of these instance and not assume ur going to have to walk out on your daughter. Your daughter needs a stable person in her life. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Remains said:


> I would seriously consider just throwing her out. More importantly, without your daughter. If she has custody you may well end up barely seeing her, or never seeing her. She will use your daughter against you, and she will poison your daughters mind against you. She may end up moving miles away so it makes it very difficult for you to have access and be a part of her life.
> 
> *You really TO NOT want this woman to be the main carer of your daughter. She will be dumped on babysitters and whoever else in order for your fiance to go out and have fun at will. She will bring strange men home. And your daughter will learn well how to be an unloveable and unloving bi*ch. *
> And she will feel unloved with a mother who loves no one but herself. Don't leave her with her mother. Just please don't. You will set yourself and your daughter up for a miserable existence, and what is done cannot be undone. Once you leave her with her mother it will be very difficult to change that. And any damage done impossible to undo.


:iagree:


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Woosh, you need to make sure not to have any sex with her from now on. First, you don't really know how many hours since she's had another guy, and you don't know what she's carrying disease wise.

Put her out and get tested.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Woosh, you need to make sure not to have any sex with her from now on. First, you don't really know how many hours since she's had another guy, and you don't know what she's carrying disease wise.

Put her out and get tested.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Thanks guys. You have all helped me so so much I can't really put in to words how thankful I am to each of you. 

Remains I tried to say this the other day but that is exactly what I've been thinking in my head but seeing you put it in to writing tells me I'm doing the right thing.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Woosh said:


> Thanks guys. You have all helped me so so much I can't really put in to words how thankful I am to each of you.
> 
> Remains I tried to say this the other day but that is exactly what I've been thinking in my head but seeing you put it in to writing tells me I'm doing the right thing.


I wish you the best of luck. Don't give her an inch. And don't let her in on your plans or your intentions. Know that she will use anything and everything against you. 

Throw her out next time she goes off for her 'extended work commitments' and expose her to all that have any connection to you both, to all that are relevant. That will blindside her. And change the locks. He can look after her now!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So what's going on now?


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Shaggy has a good point. Having sexual relations with here could be a major issue for you not now but doen the line. Chlamydia is something on a massive rise at present and strangely enough men dont see the effects and can pass it on each new partner they have. If this other guy is playing around with others (bet he is as well) then its a huge possibility that STIs will follow. So check a med checks and start self protection. 

It appears from some of your comments that your starting to get through the "why me" and in to the "Ok, lets see how you like the cr*p back". And that means your staring to gether info that will allow you to take control and, with a little more careful planning be able to force a test of your partners honesty and potential long term relationship plans - Just because shes saying all then nce to hear things, marry, setting up a future etc it could be that she will wait her time and develop a seperate life ready to move across to when shes done ringing you out. 

Keep on the way your going your takeing over the situation and will so be able to face up to tricks.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Shaggy, I'll post a full update on Monday as there is a lot to tell..

Paul is totally correct in that I'm getting past the why me stage and back in control though.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why make us wait until Monday?


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Guys - just an apology for my grammer and spelling up above - read it back and realised I need to get the spell checking in my index fingers damn well seen to - sorry again


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

Need to get on my work pc. iPad takes far too long even to write this  tomorrow..


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

lol...

well a lot had seemed to happen over the past 3 weeks. Please remember i have gone dark completely.*I'm acting like nothing has happened. I.e I don't know anything really and i've certainly not argued once. I've listened, i've talked, nothing is too much hassle.

*I have actually changed as a person in a good way.*I've made a few personal life changes with me also going forward and cut out some bad habits that I was in a routine of doing and I feel a lot better for it.*She has seen a change in me but I've not done the 180. And it isn't for her - it's for me. I'm trying to be a better person and the person I should be without sounding cheesy.

*She knows to a certain extent i know things but doesn't know exactly what or how i know. i think she thinks i'm just guessing maybe.

At this current point in time i am in 2 places. Willing to play this out and go down 2 paths...*
1. Be a proper couple and family and do things right.
2.*walk away if need be (already preparing myself for this) *but I'm also giving her one very last chance before I do. I don't think it's going to be a matter of "if" but "when". -*I have a plan ready for that option.

I've seen a lawyer and found out i have just as much rights as her in our country. And i can stop her moving wee one to another city etc. So i'm not worried anymore about wee one so much now and don't feel like she has me completely screwed. If that option plays out I don't know if wee one will end up with me short term but long term yes.

You will all will think I'm crazy for even staying now. I'm in a million times better place than I was when I came on here & even 3 weeks ago.*I've laid everything out as clear as day that this is the last chance and it's her choice now. Whether that makes her more sneaky or what who knows. Things have happened which I'll write below but I'll know sooner rather than later if she messes up.

-----------------------------------

Anway story continues from me texting her at the beginning of the month on the burner where she thinking i was someone else and wanting to get a hotel for some fun.

The story of that as far as I'm meant to know is still that she had an argument with the person due to him trying it on with her - however truth is i think she went up and embarressed him while he had another girl around him or while he was working (he seems to take that serious) and because she thought it was him she was texting, he thinks shes nuts and was quite rude to her over something else i found out. Basically they embarressed him big style and made him look like an idiot. He told her to never ever talk to him again by any means. He actually did an amazing job with it.

I didn't mean to cause that but at the same time its hilarious because i stopped her having sex with him that night. I'm still angry about the texting tho. I've not said a word - i haven't text anymore. i've left it completely. Its still there for future use but i don't trust her one inch if she is going on a night out in her home town.

this guy was ok. From earlier in this thread I was talking to him via txt. I later found out she had lied to him as well as probably every other person she has spoken to.

Fb- *relationship status is still hidden, but I've been tagged a lot in photos so whoever clicks on me will probably work it out..*
Pilot deleted his last month but tried to come back and add her but she hasn't accepted. She also deleted guy above.

------------------------------

Anyway.. I know she was still texting the pilot up until around the 7/8th of September. He was out on the friday night and trying to get her to go through and meet him for a works night out. She openly said he was texting her. *She said that there were lots of people from work out and they were all on at her to get her to go through. *- I of course said i'm happy for her to go... infact i'll come with you and i'll drive. she didn't want to go lol.

I got access to her phone and seen the full conversation where I foud out it was only him and 2 other people out and him only texting her. She was telling him she was out in her home town with her girls staying at a hotel when she was actually home with me (the amount of lies is unreal and i don't quite understand where it comes from or why she was lying - if it was some way to end it or keep flirt chat going who knows..) * *Anyway.. he was trying to get her to go to his hotel and she was making excuses to which point he said "you are full of your own words. next time you see me act professional and forget everything that has happened) - whatever that means?

*I might actually have deleted that text so she knows nothing of it. ha but i'm not sure what is going on now. We were out the next day/night and she was still texting him in the morning, however at one point a text came through while i was on her phone speaking to one of her family and the text said "i'm not interested". Now i don't know if they have been in touch since. There have been a few occassions where i've thought she has been texting him but i dunno. Even tonight... But it could be a friend or family.

We were out that night and had a few drinks with a bunch of friends. I very rarely drink these days butte were in a bar & she went up to order drinks and started getting chatted up by a guy. I didn't let it bother me but when she eventually returned she tried to say i was staring at him and i had issues etc. (of which i wasn't and all our friends told her she was imagining it). *I might have gone up to the bar myself about half an hour later to get drinks and bumped in to 2 of my female friends seperately and each time she was over in a shot hands around me etc. i.e this is my guy back off!!

Anyway we ended up in a club and asked me to dance with her so i did. about a minute later she stormed off for whatever reason saying guys were bothering her but it was just me and her! she then sat talking to guy in our group while looking like she was in a mood with me for no reason (alcohol?) so i just left her to it. I wondered off to the next room and chilled for a bit. before i knew it i was surrounded by girls and 1 really quite good looking blonde actually started speaking to me about why I was out tonight & i said look i have a fiance and not interested have a good night. *next thing fiance storms over (had been watching/stalking from afar) and started shouting at me saying i was chatting up girls etc. it was all quite funny. she wants to talk to guys and try and make me jelous but wants me to be hers only and not say a word to anyone. well i think she got a wake up call from that night anyway.

We had a bit of a talk when we got home... which she tried to argue with me. I didn't argue at all. Afterwards I *just said i know everything and i did make a mistake of saying i know she has been having an emotional R. or affair with him but its her choice. Of course she came back saying she loves me etc always me. (the only thing i have dreamed of for years is to be your wife etc)

She has been as good as gold on paper. Not putting a foot wrong at all. But i know not to believe anything i see.*I now have access to phone records too.

Last night she went through her phone in front of me not that i was looking but she deleted a lot of conversations between her and people she has been talking to - i don't know if they were from weeks ago and she is only just getting rid of them now. but i know the name she has against the pilot and know she has deleted the last convo so if i see anymore i know they are still talking.

However, she is off on a couple of nightstops this month coming (about 5 or6 before the month is out) so it'll be interesting to see what happens from them. He is bound to be on one of them.

Hope she does the right thing but it's up to her - ill know one way or another.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Woosh said:


> Well i'm a complete idiot!
> 
> I'm new to this page but have read a few other posts. I don't know what i'm going to do as of yet and this is all on going so we shall see what happens. i'll give you the whole story but the juicy parts come towards the end so i apologise for any boredom in between. i think its best i give the whole story.
> 
> ...


OKAy you need to read this for yourself. Pretend this was someone you don't know. And please tell me why, and how anyone would have stayed with this woman. My friend you are the perfect man for her. She gets a man that rug sweeps all of her infidelity. When she gets caught she bangs his brains out, and leads him on for awhile till things get quiet. Then she goes and starts it all over again. She hasn't been loyal to you or even kept her legs closed to other men since your relationship first started. There is no way to know for sure if that baby is even yours without a DNA test. 
You are in as big a fog as I have ever seen. I am not trying to be mean or hurt your feelings. I just don't want to see you make the biggest mistake of your life by marrying this woman. 
Please please please please please get a DNA test, Also you get an STD test cause there is really no telling how many men she has been with since you two were dating. Not only that but given her willingness to cheat how man One night STands do you think she has probably had with her best female friends. BTW her best Female friends are probably toxic and are egging her on. This woman really wants to be with you so she can have a home to come to but a thousand beds to sleep in. She is the textbook definition of a cake eater. After the DNA test comes back then decide what you want. But everyone on this site (I hope I am right about that) is going to tell you to leave this woman and there are hundreds of us. The only person I would wish a woman like this on is my wife's EXH and that's because he abused my wife when they were together.

If you reread your Original post I have it quoted. REad it and pretend it was your best friend, or hell some guy you barley knew and didn't really even like that much. I would be telling anyone that told me your story to get a STD test, GET A DNA test for that child if she was keeping a conception diary then it is likely that she was A)try to make sure the baby was yours.
b) trying to make sure she had a plausible conception date to pin on you.

If the baby is yours congrats and try to get fully custody. If the baby isn't yours. You can choose whatever relationship you want to have with that child just don't get within ten feet of her mother. Please listen to us. PLease You don't just have red flags with this woman you have a whole battleships worth of drama, hurt, divorce money, child support, and the feeling of why did I ever get with this woman. 

I mean from your OP she has , boundary issues, commitment issues, sexual issues, control issues, she is either a compulsive or pathological liar, and umm oh yea she's cheated on you every time you have "given it a go". You are in the fog and I am sorry if this offends you and if it does and you get mad and me I apologize but, hopefully you read what I write take a look back and see that you are in a bad bad place. 
I hope the mods don't get me but it is too important to let this guy think he is in any way a normal healthy relationship with a normal rational partner)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I missed the part where you explain why you are still with her, why you are playing these games, and why you haven't confronted her as the dirty cheat that she is and exposed her?


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Whoosh, you say you are going dark on her....I don't see or hear 'dark' in your post. I hear someone who is pretending that nothing has happened and waiting to see if she continues to cheat with someone. Anyone. And she had 5/6 girls nights out planned. Why? 

She sounds like someone who is about as screwed up as you can get. She thrives on men wanting her....I won't say needing, that has more depth to it. She thrives on men wanting to screw her, and making men jealous. That is the only thing that gives her any worth in life, and she is so intent on that, she needs that, that she cannot see past that. That is the ONLY thing that makes her worthwhile. Everything else is secondary. You. Your daughter. Everything. Do not underestimate this. She would poison you while you are eating your dinner and smiling sweetly while doing it if that is what it took to get what she wanted.

What are your current plans to get out, to catch her out (but you have already caught her)? What will you do while she has sex with other men on every GNO she has planned?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

This is sad. Whoosh, you're completely dellusional. You are not in control, she is.

You think you have the upper hand here? She has and is cheating on you with multiple partners and you keep saying "one last chance...one last chance". She doesn't care about your ultimatum because it's an empty threat.

At this point I've given up hope that you will stand up for yourself. But for the love of God stand up for you daughter. Do you really think she should be your daughters only female roll model? Find a good woman, marry her and allow your daughter to have a step mother that doesnt want to bang everything that moves.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Woosh - where is the line that she can't cross for you that will cause you to act?

She's having an affair with at least one man.

She's traveling frequently and hooking up on these trips.

She's sitting beside you, using her phone to arrange hookups.

Does she have to get you to drive her, and hold the camera taking pictures before you call it over?


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I missed the part where you explain why you are still with her, why you are playing these games, and why you haven't confronted her as the dirty cheat that she is and exposed her?


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I hope woosh didn't just get embarrassed and run. We aren't here to hurt people or make them feel foolish. We are here to provide support, an unbiased third - 1000th opinion. We come from all walks of life. Some if not most of us can relate to some if not all of what you are going through.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

No - I'm still here and not going anywhere. You guys really do actually give me lots of different perspectives and i totally appreciate that whether your being positive or negative in what i'm doing. I totally appreciate it.

I think i gave you all the wrong idea completely in my last post and think i came across as being soft, in fog, and delusional. I shall have to re-read it. 

In no way am i planning on staying with her and conforming to this life of no trust, no respect, no real love, mind games & being cheated on.

She does have an amazing guy in me. I'm actually a league if not probably 2 above her. I know i've made a mistake by not walking out the night i confronted her the second time when she did the backsliding (still learning what all these terms are) but i was in a place i'd never been before. I didn't actually know what i was doing at the time. I know now. like she was my toy and i might not have been playing with it, but i didn't want anyone else to and somehow ending up begging her to make it work.. like wtf!

I thought giving you an update of what has been going on so far would have been quite interesting but maybe it has had the wrong outcome completely. I have no intention of staying and "making" this work.

I think i know where i've gone wrong in past post - I said i had 2 options:

-----------------
quote me:
At this current point in time i am in 2 places. Willing to play this out and go down 2 paths..
1. Be a proper couple and family and do things right.
2.*walk away if need be (already preparing myself for this) *but I'm also giving her one very last chance before I do. I don't think it's going to be a matter of "if" but "when". -*I have a plan ready for that option.
:endquote
-----------------

After me re reading that don't know why i wrote "willing to play this out and go down 2 paths" - I didn't make it clear that i'm at option 2 completely!! I'm really extremely angry inside but i am actually a strong person. 

I'd like option 1 with my heart but my head is telling me exactly what is what and i'm just sitting back and watching it all play out. I always listen to my head (the one on my shoulders for everyone who might have thought otherwise).

She is doing the being a "good girl" routine and i know its only a matter of time before she messes up completely. I'd obviously like her not to but at the same time i really hope she does!!!!!!! I have no doubt she is going to. I think she will a lot sooner than later too.

I'm doing a few things behind the scenes at the moment which i can't really say much about on here - it involves finances and house we are in etc. i'm completely protected by the law too. I'm going to force her hand with a few things.

I know i should just walk away right now but i want her to really screw up badly & totally catch her at it and make it clear as daylight "its over and never ever ever ever getting back together!!!!!!!!!!!!" - taylor swift song is quite good at summing up that right now.



> Do you carry some guilt that makes you tolerate this misery that you are courting?


Actually quite possible. I may carry some guilt which is making me tolerate this but I can handle it right now. In my mind I'm going to have an amazingly better life without her - i have no second thought to that.



> Woosh - where is the line that she can't cross for you that will cause you to act?


Shaggy, when she next screws up physically (i.e i know 100% she had had sex with someone else) then the fun will really begin. 

I'm just in a waiting game and in the meantime i keep going on as usual being the best dad i can be right now - theres no where else i need to be apart from work and daughter at the moment so its not bothering me just now - i'll have my own seperate life back soon enough.

I get people are saying why play this game - well she is playing as game with me as well. I will come out on top.



> What are your current plans to get out, to catch her out (but you have already caught her)? What will you do while she has sex with other men on every GNO she has planned?


I have gone dark. She knows nothing of what i know, nothing about how i trully feel, and nothing of what i have planned at all - i'll share more in time. 

What should i do when she is on a nightstop for work? I don't trust her. In the back of my mind its going to be happening whether it really is or not. Whether i'm with her it will be on my mind if it is or not. For me its stop the mind movies time and focus on the future - without her.

And her friend or friends are poisonous & do egg her on - i've seen the proof.

I didn't deserve being cheated on. she should have ended it long before she ever thought about doing that. So she deserves whats coming.


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## Woosh (Aug 28, 2012)

hope i haven't come across as an ass there either. i'm just angry with her and really disappointed completely too and i haven't really shown that to you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think you are looking for a clear cut event that will give you closure and finality. Trouble is it almost never ever happens.

She's gotten brazen at her cheating, look at his easily you are knowing about the pilot. She's got the lying to you down pat, whie answering texts from him scheduling their next romp. I mean, she would actually have to be texting him during sex with you to be more brash.

She is essentially living in her own open marriage. She comes home to you, but she continues to live the life of a single ready for hook ups, and even possibly getaways with her sex partners.

She sounds like she is into it for mostly the attention and the sex and not any real relationships. She just isn't a person who should be married and monogamous as she wants to have freedom to have sex with many other men.

And there is the problem with you getting closure, because I think you want her to admit and realize she is wrong, and that she will actually feel guilt and remorse.

But she won't. She is doing what she chose to do, and he's been doing it for so long that she has lost any sense of it being wrong.

Like a prostitute who services client after client, or a porn actress , she has gotten over any moral sense of what she is doing is wrong.

In fact, she no doubt deep down feels that tags lifestyle is working perfectly well for her and you. So you won't get remorse, but you will get surprise and anger that you are changing the rules on her.

She is a happy and comfortable with the current arrangement and will not accept you breaking it.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Messes up COMPLETELY ??
I get it that you want to DESTROY ANY denial, but if you had forward those txts to yourself, you would have your proof to show everyone.

You KNOW she had sex with MORE than one guy.
You NOW KNOW you have rights concerning your child.
You KNOW she is still lying.
You KNOW she is still trying to hookup with the flyboy.

NOW the big ONE, you know you have the money to hire a PI to watch her when she do the overnighter and end this comedy.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Are you waiting for her to mess up again to give you the final kick to be rid of her, or do you have some kind of plan that can only come to fruition when she messes up again? Is her next messing up the start if a chain reaction of events that you are putting into place to ruin her? 

It sounds like you have a plan...I hope that is the case and the latter is true. I hope the former is not.

However, if the latter is true, is it really worth it? Will you come off worse? Just as dirty as her? Are you a vengeful person? 

I hope that your plan, if that is what you have, will ensue with dignity and that you can still leave with your head held high. 

It takes a bigger person to leave a broken spouse, a mean and nasty spouse, one who has done you many wrongs, to leave with no revenge. Do what you have to to keep you and your daughter safe, and nothing more. Make sure you have all in place that she cannot screw you over with your house and your daughter too.


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