# How to talk to hubby about LD?



## garden2013 (Jul 10, 2013)

Ok I have tried to bring the topic up before with him but he always giggles because I think it embarasses him to talk about sex....he is a little more sheltered than me  but, we really have NO sex anymore. Example....this year, we have had it 3 times. I 100% know he is not cheating because literally we are always together. He doesnt like going anywhere or doing anything without me. In all other aspects we are great -- best friends, soul mates, etc. But this lack of sexual affection is a major issue for me. We've been married for 3 years, I am 34 and he is 35. So for all the guys out there....what is the best way to bring up low drive or even testosterone issues with him? I dont want my marriage destroyed over this but I feel like I really need to have a serious conversation with him about it...where he doesnt want to laugh at everything I say 
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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

If you want to have any hope of seeing a change, you are going to have to woman-up and push past all of your own and his barriers to good communication.

He might laugh, but you're going to have to stay rock solid and not be discouraged. Don't let him get you side tracked. Let him giggle and then say "but you didn't answer my question" (or whatever is appropriate). Don't stop bringing up the topic until you get some answers and some idea of how to over come whatever his issue is.

Question: did you see this behavior before you got married and married him anyway?


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## garden2013 (Jul 10, 2013)

No and that's what is so confusing. I know people talk all the time about sex going away after marriage...I didnt really believe it till now. Before marriage he was almost insatiable, always wanted it all the time. Multiple times a week. Then we moved in together and still were going pretty strong, after marriage it just started going downhill slowly. And now the sex is almost nonexistent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Did he get bored? Same ole same ole? Or does he resent something? Are you perhaps more successful than him? Are you still as hot as when you started dating(within reason)?


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## jay1365 (May 22, 2013)

What was his parents relationship like? You will probably find your answer there.
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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

garden2013 said:


> what is the best way to bring up low drive or even testosterone issues with him? I dont want my marriage destroyed over this but I feel like I really need to have a serious conversation with him about it...where he doesnt want to laugh at everything I say


First, have a sit down with him and tell him his lack of wanting to fix this is going to affect your relationship. Tell him it is a requirement by you to be sexually satisfied. Even if he is giggling through that it needs to be said out loud in a very matter-of-fact way.

Second, drag his butt to couples counseling. Counseling is there if the two of you can't talk about something and there is a third person to help teach you how to communicate and mediate. Make sure it is a licensed therapist.

Third, If after a week he hasn't taken you seriously then take care of things yourself. Invite him to watch, participate, whatever he wants but do the deed yourself. Buy whatever toys you need. Find other ways to connect with him, movies, read a book together, talk about his day, but something else has to replace that connection so that doesn't get lost too.

It's your job to get your needs met, one way or another, and it's his job to fix himself. You can't fix him, all you can do is tell him his lack of wanting to fix and how that affects you.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Could he be starting to have issues getting an erection and is too embarrassed to tell you or deal with it?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

norajane said:


> Could he be starting to have issues getting an erection and is too embarrassed to tell you or deal with it?


Thats always a possibility....that happens to guys more than you think.


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## Arioch (Jul 9, 2013)

I do not believe that sex is or should be impacted by marriage. My wife and I were like rabbits for our three years before marriage and for 10 after that. We kept track with gumballs and made an event of counting them on our anniversary. Our sex lives hit the wall after kids.

I am guessing the laughter in nervous more than joking as its obviously a sensitive subject. To me sex is dependent on attraction. Its easier to understand how the physical attraction can fade over time and I believe its easier to fix as well. If it is an attraction issue try to focus on what made you attracted to each other in the first place. its rarley just appearrance. If its not an attraction issue then maybe it is medical.


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## garden2013 (Jul 10, 2013)

Thanks for all the responses....I will keep tryin to talk to him.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I would also suggest getting his testosterone checked...it can kill a sex drive for sure. He is not to young (although it is rarer in your 30's it can happen)


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

garden2013 said:


> Ok I have tried to bring the topic up before with him but he always giggles because I think it embarasses him to talk about sex....he is a little more sheltered than me  but, we really have NO sex anymore. Example....this year, we have had it 3 times. I 100% know he is not cheating because literally we are always together. He doesnt like going anywhere or doing anything without me. In all other aspects we are great -- best friends, soul mates, etc. But this lack of sexual affection is a major issue for me. We've been married for 3 years, I am 34 and he is 35. So for all the guys out there....what is the best way to bring up low drive or even testosterone issues with him? I dont want my marriage destroyed over this but I feel like I really need to have a serious conversation with him about it...where he doesnt want to laugh at everything I say
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When he does initiate, does his equipment work correctly?
you should be able to detect ED if it is a problem.....

Is he in to erotica?...Start having a movie night, rent some increasingly suggestive/erotic movies...A little wine, tropical fruit, sexy movie in the br....Should get a rise out of him....

If he is somewhat uncomfortable about even talking about sex, engage him in a dialogue about how he learned about sex, tell him you feel your practical knowledge is woefully inadequate, and initiate a mutual sex/sexuality ED program for the two of you.....There are some really good, and graphic DVD's out there.....And the homework is lots more fun than algebra

Also a massage table is a great intimacy enhancer...I got one on ebay for less than $150 and it is entirely adequate.....
I use sweet almond oil, also available on ebay and it is great as a massage/sex lube....

I would try some of these scenario's before getting involved with outsiders/councilors....

I think testosterone is a long shot, but everyone needs regular blood work for blood glucose, triglycerides, cholesterol, etc....throw in a testosterone, and endocrine screening...thyroid, pituitary, etc...

Keep working on it, he may just be in a slump and needs a little kick start....

the woodchuck


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

garden2013 said:


> Ok I have tried to bring the topic up before with him but he always giggles because I think it embarasses him to talk about sex....he is a little more sheltered than me  but, we really have NO sex anymore. Example....this year, we have had it 3 times. I 100% know he is not cheating because literally we are always together. He doesnt like going anywhere or doing anything without me. In all other aspects we are great -- best friends, soul mates, etc. But this lack of sexual affection is a major issue for me. We've been married for 3 years, I am 34 and he is 35. So for all the guys out there....what is the best way to bring up low drive or even testosterone issues with him? I dont want my marriage destroyed over this but I feel like I really need to have a serious conversation with him about it...where he doesnt want to laugh at everything I say
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mrs. OP, you had very little sex this year, it was due to your husband not initiating, or due to him rejecting you? It is important to chose the right words depending on the problem. For some men, the idea that their wives 'misses their sexual prowess and wish to feel like a woman in bed' are enough to get their machine going. For other, a sincere plea of 'I feel like a failure if you no longer desire me sexually' are needed to snatch them back to Earth. Each person are different, as are their problems.


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