# Husband's fantasy



## lacy3344 (Jan 31, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years now. We got married really young at 20 and were each others first sexual experience. My husband wants to spice things up and has a fantasy where I am sexually envolved with him and another guy at the same time. We have sex toys(realistic looking penis ect.) that we use and I like as well. I like our fantasy but now he is wanting us to take the next step and to actively seek out a male sexual partner to act it out one time. I like it as just a fantasy but I don't think
I could ever act upon it. He insists that I just need to "open" up and once I do I will enjoy it. It just seems so dangerous and risky!! He said he is bored and wants to make his fantasy a reality before we get too much older??? I just don't want to be pushed into something I will regret. Any body else in my situation where thier significant other us pushy with there fantasies?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

* Keep that one a fantasy.* Open marriages almost always fail and if you go this far for him, consider yourself his live porno / sex servant. Unless you have already had a threesome with another woman, let him know that you are willing to ROLE PLAY any third person fantasy with dildos and such, but you will NEVER be okay with adding another person into your bedroom or marriage. Be firm. 

A lot of times guys know their wife is way too jealous to ever do a female female male threesome, so they move to the next closest thing, male male female. Once you agree to this and follow through, he will open the idea of how it's only right to do a ffm now. Guilt and even fake depression of how he can't get over you actually doing another man, even though he insisted. It's all a big game to get his rocks off doing everything he has seen in porn. If it doesn't turn into a ffm request, be prepared to have a cuckold husband for the rest of the marriage (which wouldn't be too long). More men, more "oh this is boring, lets add more guys, maybe even a gang bang. Let's do it before we are too old, we only live once. " And if you think he would never "trick" you, 11 years ago did you think this man would be asking you to screw another man in front of him? * Be careful, stand firm, let him know that to role play fantasy is fun because it's not real, but to suggest you ever be with another man is disrespectful, disloyal, hurtful, demeaning, and 100% not something the man you married would have ever asked you to do.*


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Aristotle said:


> Keep that one a fantasy. Open marriages almost always fail and if you go this far for him, consider yourself his live porno / sex servant. Unless you have already had a threesome with another woman, let him know that you are willing to ROLE PLAY any third person fantasy with dildos and such, but you will NEVER be okay with adding another person into your bedroom or marriage. Be firm.
> 
> A lot of times guys know their wife is way too jealous to ever do a female female male threesome, so they move to the next closest thing, male male female. Once you agree to this and follow through, he will open the idea of how it's only right to do a ffm now. Guilt and even fake depression of how he can't get over you actually doing another man, even though he insisted. It's all a big game to get his rocks off doing everything he has seen in porn. And if you think he would never "trick" you, 11 years ago did you think this man would be asking you to screw another man in front of him? Be careful, stand firm, let him know that to role play fantasy is fun because it's not real, but to suggest you ever be with another man is disrespectful, disloyal, hurtful, demeaning, and 100% not something the man you married would have ever asked you to do.


I agree with Aristrotle!!

There is no room for 3 in a marriage, doesn't matter how strong it is. Even if it is only one time.


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

If it was another girl I'd write a heartfelt response, but since we're talking two guys I'll just say "no."


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> Keep that one a fantasy. Open marriages almost always fail and if you go this far for him, consider yourself his live porno / sex servant. Unless you have already had a threesome with another woman, let him know that you are willing to ROLE PLAY any third person fantasy with dildos and such, but you will NEVER be okay with adding another person into your bedroom or marriage. Be firm.
> 
> A lot of times guys know their wife is way too jealous to ever do a female female male threesome, so they move to the next closest thing, male male female. Once you agree to this and follow through, he will open the idea of how it's only right to do a ffm now. Guilt and even fake depression of how he can't get over you actually doing another man, even though he insisted. It's all a big game to get his rocks off doing everything he has seen in porn. And if you think he would never "trick" you, 11 years ago did you think this man would be asking you to screw another man in front of him? Be careful, stand firm, let him know that to role play fantasy is fun because it's not real, but to suggest you ever be with another man is disrespectful, disloyal, hurtful, demeaning, and 100% not something the man you married would have ever asked you to do.


I disagree with everything that is said in this post above. I am touch with several couples who live a rather liberal sex-live (usually include other people only together, not separately) and are some of the most connected partners I know. 

I also disagree that FFM is the closest thing to MMF and that this should be the prime motivator of your husband. They are two completely different situations (which does not mean your H wouldn't be turned on by both).

That said does not mean you should be pushed into anything. Follow your own feeling. If it's to early, don't do it now. If you never feel for it, do it never. Keeping the fantasy can be great too. If you intrinsically feel for it, check it out (even so you should set an agreement to be able to turn it off at any given point for no reason other than you stopped liking it, you claim total control of the situation). Whichever it is, don't get caught up in just doing him a favor.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I believe it's a very bad idea. IMO if someone
really loves you they will never jeopardize your relationship like that. The risks are many: falling in love, catching diseases, violence, the other person falling for you, pregnancy and if you give into this them what is next? 
It doesn't sound like he truly values you or cares much about your bonding and connecting as a couple.
Adding third parties can never bring two people closer together, it doesn't even make your sex life better, it just adds a new person and maybe a thrilling experience with another, however love trust commitment can never be replaces fully once it's lost.
As a man he is leading your marriage down a dangerous path.
He should probably read on here the many men who thought this would be a great way to cake eat, only to have it backfire when their marraiges are all screwed up or she has fallen for the third party.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

If you do not want to then the answer is *NO* *NO* *NO*. Did I say *NO?*


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## Encore DT (May 29, 2012)

I have often heard that, the minute a relationship needs a third to keep it interesting, it is done.

There are plenty of ways to spice up your sex life without introducing the potential of disease into your relationship. I would also try to dig a little deeper to find out why your husband is "bored" to begin with.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

[listen to The Renegade]he know what he is talking about.

The number one thing you learn at any swinger club is if any one of the couple is not into it then don't do it it will only make things worse.

You also must remember the majority of people who write into forums on here have issues so I suggest going to a swingers board and hear both the good and bad and even though they will tell you not to do it on there also you will at least get a more informed views.


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## BigLion (May 29, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> * Keep that one a fantasy.* Open marriages almost always fail and if you go this far for him, consider yourself his live porno / sex servant. Unless you have already had a threesome with another woman, let him know that you are willing to ROLE PLAY any third person fantasy with dildos and such, but you will NEVER be okay with adding another person into your bedroom or marriage. Be firm.
> 
> A lot of times guys know their wife is way too jealous to ever do a female female male threesome, so they move to the next closest thing, male male female. Once you agree to this and follow through, he will open the idea of how it's only right to do a ffm now. Guilt and even fake depression of how he can't get over you actually doing another man, even though he insisted. It's all a big game to get his rocks off doing everything he has seen in porn. If it doesn't turn into a ffm request, be prepared to have a cuckold husband for the rest of the marriage (which wouldn't be too long). More men, more "oh this is boring, lets add more guys, maybe even a gang bang. Let's do it before we are too old, we only live once. " And if you think he would never "trick" you, 11 years ago did you think this man would be asking you to screw another man in front of him? * Be careful, stand firm, let him know that to role play fantasy is fun because it's not real, but to suggest you ever be with another man is disrespectful, disloyal, hurtful, demeaning, and 100% not something the man you married would have ever asked you to do.*


Agree fully.

Not only is it dangerous and bad in so many ways as mentioned and an obvious NO, you also need to find out what is missing from your marriage that he is wanting to do all of this. It may be hard to find out why, but keep him focused more on you and not thinking about getting other people involved. Check for other signs of problems, like talking online etc and get him back on track.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As someone who has been to a sex club and had a threesome, I'd say if you have any doubts, do NOT do this. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Seawolf (Oct 10, 2011)

You need to shut this down pronto, and here is how you do it. You tell him no next time it comes up, and then you suggest to him that you are concerned that he has trouble understanding the difference between fantasies and real life. This is obviously a concern to you, and if he can't demonstrate better restraint you may have to consider not going along with acting out fantasies since you don't want to get pushed into something that puts the marriage at risk. Once he realizes that his pushing is putting the rest of a pretty great sex life at risk, he'll back off. Right now he sees no downside in pushing for a threesome
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Put this into your search Ginger[swinger board] go get some info from people who have faced this and not here.


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## Zippy the chimp (May 15, 2012)

Tell him you will do it but only if the other man is much more well endowed than he is, should shut him up. I wouldn't like anyone digging in my garden especially if the have a bigger shovel than I do.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

NEVER, EVER DO ANYTHING (sexual or otherwise) that you're not comfortable with.

Your heart and sould is telling you that this isn't right for YOU even if it's OK with him.

I'm not against like minded individuals partaking in this kind of thing but BOTH partners must want to do it with NO hesitation!

Do not let him badger you or break you down to the point where you agree to do it "just once" to shut him up. Tell him in no uncertain words that you are not comfortable with making this fantasy a reality and further discussion of the issue is closed if he really loves and cares for you.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

The Renegade said:


> I disagree with everything that is said in this post above. I am touch with several couples who live a rather liberal sex-live (usually include other people only together, not separately) and are some of the most connected partners I know.


Between 2% - 6% of married couples are in an open marriage. 92% of open marriages fail. That's neat you are in "touch" with several couples who live a rather liberal sex life. Your opinion on how connected they appear in front of you, although meaningless, is interesting I suppose. Appearances are deceiving, and I personally have dealt with wives swinging who are absolutely miserable and waiting for an out. Does that mean they are all miserable? Nope, some of them are cake eating. However, it remains true, if you can't be happy with your spouse and you are "connecting" with multiple other people sexually to fill some sexual void you can't get from her/him, then you aren't very "connected". In 5 years, they will be a statistic. With around 50% of all marriages in the united ending in divorce, why increase the chances and DOOM your marriage by adding a third person? 

I copied below what has been posted many times on TAM:

"Open marriage typically refers to a marriage in which the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity. There are many different styles of open marriage (such as swinging and polyamory), each with the partners having varying levels of input on their spouse's activities. Open marriages place high value on honesty, especially of needs and wants.

The incidence of open marriage is the frequency with which open marriage occurs. Several definitional issues complicate attempts to determine the incidence of open marriage. People sometimes claim to have open marriages when their spouses would not agree. Couples may agree to allow extramarital sex but never actually engage in extramarital sex. Some researchers define open marriages in highly narrow terms. Despite these difficulties, researchers have estimated that between 1.7 percent and 6 percent of married people are involved in open marriages. The incidence of open marriage has remained relatively stable over the last two generations."


"It was surprisingly difficult to find statistics on whether open marriages work. Ironically, open marriage isn't something we talk about all that openly. Some research suggests that open marriage has a 92 percent failure rate. Steve Brody, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambria, California, explains that less than 1 percent of married people are in open marriages. Nevertheless,it does seem to be a trend on the upturn. Several online dating sites offer applicants a new box to check -- married."





> I also disagree that FFM is the closest thing to MMF and that this should be the prime motivator of your husband. They are two completely different situations (which does not mean your H wouldn't be turned on by both).


Ok, so a threesome isn't the closest thing to a threesome. Gotcha.


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

If this is something that you don't want to do it shouldn't even be brought up again.

I would be so hurt and angry if my husband ever wanted to bring someone else into the bedroom with us.. male or female.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

I actually share your husband's fantasy. I would also enjoy watching my wife being taken by another man, and then have him leave and I get to be with the wife, but my wife was very hesitant and since we do not have a strong marriage, I decided against it (although she is aware of the fantasy and we almost went through with it). I think that if you don't have a VERY STRONG marriage, I would not go there. It is like playing with fire, and you are at risk of falling for the other guy. I still fantasize about it all the time though, and we are in our 40's!


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## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

I wonder if The Sister Wife’s ever fantasies about group sex with the other wife’s? Just for the record I hate that show.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Do not do something that you feel uncomfortable with. He should respect your wishes on this one for sure.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

tell him you have the same fantasy, to see HIM with 2 guys.
one in front and one from behind.

i just dont agree with bringing someone else in when you claim to love the other person.

too much potential for something to go wrong from std to someone getting jealous to one wanting to start doing it all the time and any other possibility of something going wrong.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

Bad idea...the "just this one time" will then either be:

Well ya seemed into it why cant we do it again...

Or...you will hate it and then rresent him or he will resent you for not being a good sport

My 2cents...usually straight guys into a threesome fantasy want a another FEMALE) Wanting another MALE coming from a man could be an indicator he is gay or at the least bi....or he wants to see you degraded, ie..used by another man


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

GhostRydr said:


> Bad idea...the "just this one time" will then either be:
> 
> Well ya seemed into it why cant we do it again...
> 
> ...


or add in he wont like it as much as he thought and he will start calling you a [email protected]

i think very little has to do with gay or bi unless he wants to be with the guy too. i think its usually to see his wife as a used piece of meat.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

I have a friend who's husband suggested a threesome with another man because he was actually gay. My girlfriend is now living with the other guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

lacy3344 said:


> My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years now. We got married really young at 20 and were each others first sexual experience. My husband wants to spice things up and has a fantasy where I am sexually envolved with him and another guy at the same time. We have sex toys(realistic looking penis ect.) that we use and I like as well. I like our fantasy but now he is wanting us to take the next step and to actively seek out a male sexual partner to act it out one time. I like it as just a fantasy but I don't think
> I could ever act upon it. He insists that I just need to "open" up and once I do I will enjoy it. It just seems so dangerous and risky!! He said he is bored and wants to make his fantasy a reality before we get too much older??? I just don't want to be pushed into something I will regret. Any body else in my situation where thier significant other us pushy with there fantasies?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is he wanting interaction with this other male? seems strange he doesn't want a female and instead a male.... just not the ordinary threesome request normally made. I would want to know more too from him to make sure this isn't him fulfilling a fantasy of his own with a man.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Is he wanting interaction with this other male? seems strange he doesn't want a female and instead a male.... just not the ordinary threesome request normally made. I would want to know more too from him to make sure this isn't him fulfilling a fantasy of his own with a man.


i dont think it matters either way.
a bad idea is a bad idea.
whether male or female, its not a good idea.


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> Between 2% - 6% of married couples are in an open marriage. 92% of open marriages fail. That's neat you are in "touch" with several couples who live a rather liberal sex life. Your opinion on how connected they appear in front of you, although meaningless, is interesting I suppose. Appearances are deceiving, and I personally have dealt with wives swinging who are absolutely miserable and waiting for an out. Does that mean they are all miserable? Nope, some of them are cake eating. However, it remains true, if you can't be happy with your spouse and you are "connecting" with multiple other people sexually to fill some sexual void you can't get from her/him, then you aren't very "connected". In 5 years, they will be a statistic. With around 50% of all marriages in the united ending in divorce, why increase the chances and DOOM your marriage by adding a third person?
> 
> I copied below what has been posted many times on TAM:
> 
> ...


I'm really interested in your research. Do you have any links or something? I'm not saying that it is wrong. You might be perfectly right on this. My experience is just very different.

I think one crucial difference is if both partners intrinsically feel for that openness, or if there is one partner simply doing it as a favor to the other (and actually not happy with it - believe this happens often as well). Later is clearly a recipe for failure.


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Aristotle said:


> Ok, so a threesome isn't the closest thing to a threesome. Gotcha.


MFM and FFM are really very different situations. Might need to try to understand.

And, as weird as this may sound to many, there is a good number of very loving and committed husbands out there who are fantasizing of having their woman being taken by another man (size of penis not an issue).

Believe, it has to do with that dildo-idea, that had been posted somewhere above. 

My personal opinion is: More marriages die of a boring sex-life than those really ready, willing and open to experiment.

Again, to the OP: There are reasons for your husband fantasizing about it, which are not uncommon. Don't automatically damn him for it. But also: YOU must be totally comfortable with it from your own inside. If that is not the case, leave it.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Don't do it.


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## manoj148 (May 4, 2012)

agree with toffer..


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

I have done lots of threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes in a previous life. I'd never ever suggest it or agree to it as a married person. If my husband suggested it I'd really have to wonder why. The whole point of being married is to be monogamous and deep dive into the experience with that one person.


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