# separate beds, etc.



## lemonspaceman (Sep 10, 2011)

When my wife and I had our first child, she didn't want to "Ferberize" him (which I agreed with) so she slept with him...until he was 6...which I thought was a problem. Then we had another child and we had a bigger problem. I trained my older son to sleep on his own within a few months. She was still sleeping with the newborn. The newborn is now 10 and she still sleeps with him. I have slept on my own for 16 years. We still have sex, but more often than not, it's not intercourse (if you know what I mean.) We have been on fewer than 1 date per year without the kids - there was no interest in leaving the kids in other people's care. The rest of the relationship is fine - we're quite compatible in that respect - but I have been frustrated about intimacy (not just sex - she rarely wants to kiss...even prior to sex,and obviously if you don't share the same bed there's not a lot of cuddling). A few months ago, I saw some research (two sources) that suggested men who have regular sex are happier, healthier, and live longer. I pointed this out to her thinking it might make a difference. It only dawned on me a few days later that it might not - and it didn't (intercourse 2 times the entire summer when she is less stressed because she's not working. I have a good job, am very helpful around the house, spend a lot of time with the kids and I'm fairly attractive. She says she loves me. About a year and a half ago, I told myself that if I was still sleeping alone, I would leave. That time has come, but the idea of hurting the kids (emotionally,financially, having to move to a less affluent neighborhood, etc.) is killing me and I'm scared to death of leaving. Any thoughts?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's not normal for a mother to sleep with her 10 year old son.

Both of my children were out of our bed by a year and that was pushing it. However, I breastfed and it was just easier to have them in the bed...our sexlife didn't suffer but our couch did. 

I don't know why she has a sex issue...but maybe she feels like mothers don't have sex? I don't know. Would she go to therapy?


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I think you need to insist she spend time alone with you to talk.
Talk and tell her you are miserable with the state of things and that the 10 year old needs to transition to another room, you need to sleep with wife and you will work with her on fixing things so that you can have a wonderful romantic, marriage.
If she says no or makes excuses, tell her you are serious about this. That you will brainstom with her on changing things.
If she still has problems, tell her you need things to change. Things will change. Preferably together for better.

Then, well, hopefully she will understand this is serious and the family needs to change.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

YOU need to take charge, as the MAN of the house. Tell her it's time your kids slept on thier own. Get it done. Get your bed back. Right now, your kids think it's normal to sleep in separate beds when your married. Is ghat what you want to teach?

It's time to go Alpha, rake charge, put your foot down, and GET it done!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Oh, my. She has put all of her energy into being a mother and does not have any left to be a wife.

You two should go to marriage counseling so an objective person can tell her this.

Unfortunately unless you are willing to leave the marriage, she does not have a reason to change because she knows you will tolerate this situation. You have to shake up the dynamic of your marriage.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

Nanny 911 did I believe the very first episode on a family very similar to this one. You may suggest watching it together. Netflix has it on instant play - if you have Netflix. 

Sleeping with a child that old is not normal... and needs to be addressed. I would strongly suggest counselling. She probably hasn't thought about it, but have you posed the question to her as to what age she thinks is too old for her child to be sleeping with his/her parent? If the child is a male, it is even more problematic, IMO.


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## southernmagnolia (Apr 12, 2011)

Your wife for sure has some issues. It is NOT normal nor is it OK for a mother to be sleeping with her 10 yr old son. In fact it's downright creepy and no I'm not saying there is something sexual going on but it seems to me that she is doing this to avoid being your wife and avoid intimacy and in the meantime she is probably damaging your son. I bet your son wouldn't dare tell any of his friends that his mother sleeps with him. :scratchhead: There could be long lasting repercussions from this for your son. 

Ewwww! There is something very wrong here, 10 yrs old???


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

alphaomega said:


> YOU need to take charge, as the MAN of the house. Tell her it's time your kids slept on thier own. Get it done. Get your bed back. Right now, your kids think it's normal to sleep in separate beds when your married. Is ghat what you want to teach?
> 
> It's time to go Alpha, rake charge, put your foot down, and GET it done!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had this problem and this is exactly what I did. Unfortunately, my wife prides herself on being defiant so our marriage now looks a lot like the scene of a suicide bombing. But the kids stays out of the bed (at least when I'm around) and he loves me and respects me.


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