# Wife won't shower



## bestofyou11 (Mar 23, 2018)

My wife and I have been married for a year and half now and she bearly showers. We didn't live together before we got married so I had no idea. We also didn't have sex until our wedding night. Living in a first world country you kind of assume that someone takes showers regularly, so it never came up in conversation. I find it extremely unattractive and repulsive and I have absolutely no desire to have sex with her. She smells sometimes, especially on hot days, and I fear taking her clothes off and being hit in the face by stench, which has happened before a few times. I have confronted her about it multiple times in a respectful way, but it still hasn't made a difference. The first time I brought it up was at the end of February because I hadnt notice her take one shower the whole month. I've taken the strategy of asking her to take one with me and that works, but I dont want the only time she showers to be when I make her. Im not her father, and she isnt a five year old girl. She isn't depressed and works hard in other areas of her life (great employee and 4.0 student.) My sexual needs are not being met, due to me not even wanting to have sex with her, and all though I would never commit adultery, the temptation to is growing and thats a problem. I deeply regret marrying her and if I had known this I wouldn't have married her. We don't have children and I honestly don't even want kids with her anymore. I really don't know what to do at his point. She isn't abusive and hasn't cheated so I don't feel divorce would be justified but the lack of hygiene is killing me.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

You had already told her, and it has gotten you nowhere. So you only have two choices:
1. Tell her (explain to her what you told us: how revolting it is to you), and to either take a routine shower or you are divorcing her and mean it. Follow through; otherwise it's pointless.
2. Shut up and take it, because respectfully telling her will get you nowhere.

So, what's it gonna be? 1 or 2.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Wow, is she from a country having a water shortage? Was she poverty stricken before.
Is this a cultural thing?

I remember reading about some European women who do not shave or bathe often. Dunno.

She needs counseling. 
She needs to hear other women tell her this is not culturally acceptable.

You have to give her an ultimatum. Wash or I am washed up with you.
Sad.

Maybe she knows by not bathing you will not ask her for sex?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Since she rarely showers, I assume she doesn't wash her hair either. If she's going for weeks on end without showering, other people notice it. Trust me, they DO.

Are her family members also anti-shower? 

Okay, so you didn't have sex prior to marriage and you didn't live together. I'm guessing you hugged her or got physically close to her while dating. Didn't you get whiffs of her then?


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

Three words: Hose her down


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You have to talk to her. Don't make it about you - but that culturally in the US and the west, frequent showering is expected.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

How much time did you spend with her before marrying her? Did she have body odor then? I'm just curious how someone could go a MONTH without showering and you not realize she had a hygiene problem until after marrying her.

You have to tell her straight out - "I love you and I want to be attracted to you but when you do not shower for a couple days it smells horrible to me and is repulsive. I've said this to you nicely before and you haven't changed. Now I have to tell you - if you do not start showering every day (or however often you need) I will have to divorce you."

ALSO - have you asked her WHY she doesn't shower regularly?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

That is just gross. Yuck.

Tell her straight up how disgusting this is, and how repulsed you are by IT (not her) and that this is a potential marriage ender for you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i am surprised that no one has mentioned it too her before, employer, parents or friends. does she believe in washing clothes? wearing clean under garments everyday? Brush her teeth? or Wash her hands after going to the bathroom? i ask this ti better understand where she draws her own line at Hygiene...there are thoughts that lack pf personal hygiene regiment is a sign of depression. Also have you thought to speak to her parents ?


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

WorkingWife said:


> ALSO - have you asked her WHY she doesn't shower regularly?


This. Not sure why your post didn't mention the WHY if it's a legitimate post. Hard to comment on it unless we know WHY she doesn't shower. Otherwise you get get "that's gross" or bad jokes about it which aren't going to help.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

JustTheWife said:


> This. Not sure why your post didn't mention the WHY *if it's a legitimate post.* Hard to comment on it unless we know WHY she doesn't shower. Otherwise you get get "that's gross" or bad jokes about it which aren't going to help.


You need to answer our questions if you expect this thread to continue. 
People here are conditioned to stop posting when the thread starter, the OP leaves the scene of the ''grime'.



Just Sayin'



[THRD]


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

That stinks


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> You had already told her, and it has gotten you nowhere. So you only have two choices:
> 1. Tell her (explain to her what you told us: how revolting it is to you), and to either take a routine shower or you are divorcing her and mean it. Follow through; otherwise it's pointless.
> 2. Shut up and take it, because respectfully telling her will get you nowhere.
> 
> So, what's it gonna be? 1 or 2.


This.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Thinking out loud.

I just don't get how you never noticed this. I just don't.

It's not about living together or even having sex prior to marriage.

You dated, yes? You drove in the same car? You sat near one another? You held hands? You kissed?

How did you miss such a huge lack of hygiene?

Does she brush her teeth? Wash her clothes?

Personally, I take showers daily - sometimes twice in the winter, if I want to warm up. She's missing out.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Controlling jerk.....

You probably expect her to kiss your ass in other ways, too.









Lol


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## SGr (Mar 19, 2015)

Wow! 

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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

You started a thread on this very same topic 6 months ago. I thought it sounded familiar. What kind of help are you hoping to find here?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sounds like horny buzzards would be about the only thing that might possibly want to hit on her!

She needs serious psychological evaluation! *


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

On your other thread you asked your wife was her lack of cleanliness a cultural thing and her reply was “no,it’s just me”.
You are married to a dirty woman and you coming back here months later asking the same question is pointless when you won’t act on the advice you are given.
Talk to your wife but do not be offensive.Tell her you love her,that she is a great person and want to have a happy marriage with her but her body odor is making you lose attraction to her.Ask her if anyone at work or school has mentioned it.
You haven’t said whether there are any underlying medical issues which are contributing to her odor but as she doesn’t wash her hair or brush her teeth then it’s doubtful if this is relevant
If this doesn’t work then you have to be more decisive.Go out to a store and buy shower gel,shampoo,toothpaste and razors and tell her very clearly either get clean or get out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> On your other thread you asked your wife was her lack of cleanliness a cultural thing and her reply was “no,it’s just me”.
> You are married to a dirty woman and you coming back here months later asking the same question is pointless when you won’t act on the advice you are given.
> Talk to your wife but do not be offensive.Tell her you love her,that she is a great person and want to have a happy marriage with her but her body odor is making you lose attraction to her.Ask her if anyone at work or school has mentioned it.
> You haven’t said whether there are any underlying medical issues which are contributing to her odor but as she doesn’t wash her hair or brush her teeth then it’s doubtful if this is relevant
> If this doesn’t work then you have to be more decisive.Go out to a store and buy shower gel,shampoo,toothpaste and razors and tell her very clearly either get clean or get out.










[/url]via Imgflip Meme Generator[/IMG]

Offer to shower with her? 

Do you have a bath, instead of a shower?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So I have read through your previous post. 

Your only option is to get her an ultimatum. 

Either shower daily or we are divorcing. You can’t continue like this. She also needs to realize how serious this is.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

ABHale said:


> So I have read through your previous post.
> 
> Your only option is to get her an ultimatum.
> 
> Either shower daily or we are divorcing. You can’t continue like this. She also needs to realize how serious this is.


This. Your wife is a grot. Sure, I have days where I just throw my hair up in a messy bun, no make up and hang out in my leggings and tank top, but I'm ALWAYS clean. For a healthy, functioning adult to not shower at least once a day is just gross.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

You were posting about this SAME THING back in April in the thread you never returned to.

Here it is *5 months later* and surprise, surprise - *nothing's* changed.

Lots of people took the time to offer up advice to you in your April thread but it's now almost October and you're still in the same exact boat.

What is it you're looking for? Different advice than the 3 pages you were given back in April?

If your wife doesn't give a rat's ASS about her hygiene - *knowing full well it's repugnant to you* - then that gives you a real good indication of how little she respects you and how little she cares about you.

What more do you NEED to realize it's time to go? Will you foolishly continue to cling to her and end up getting her pregnant (while wearing a gas mask) so you can use THAT excuse for why you 'can't leave' when you post about this a year from now when nothing's changed?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Invest in some really good water guns. Just put a little soap and shampoo in yours. Try not to hit her in the eyes. But go out in the backyard and play with the new water guns.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Shower: it’s only for people who are too lazy to scratch themselves. Pfft.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I've not read your other thread, but I'm thinking she needs to talk to a psychologist about this issue. Reasoning and threats are not likely to change her habits.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Ps: I wish my wife showered less. We all have problems!


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

bestofyou11 said:


> She isn't depressed and works hard in other areas of her life (great employee and 4.0 student.)


Just because she works hard and is a 4.0 student doesn't mean she isn't depressed.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

minimalME said:


> Thinking out loud.
> 
> I just don't get how you never noticed this. I just don't.
> 
> ...


OMG, this!!

Disgusting. And you were here six months ago about the same thing?? Find your ballz and give her an ultimatum. 

But seeing as you haven't returned to post, Im sure that isn't going to happen....


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what is her age, background and country of origin?

back when i grew up in hippy days (the 60s') often women took their 'liberation' seriously.
I mean that they would not go out of their way to please a man. no makeup, no bra, no shaving of legs, pubs, or underarms, no perfume; everything 'a la natural'.
if the guy didn't like that.......tough! if he did, then maybe she could dig him.
my point is, in some countries/cultures, this viewpoint still prevails to some degree.

now showering was a different thing though, as it has nothing to do with necessarily with pleasing a man.
and you could always jump in the river if there was no shower available.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

In my experience, a lot of times, people don’t take care of themselves when they are depressed. This includes regular daily activities such as showering, combing their hair, brushing their teeth, putting on deodorant, etc. Could she possibly be depressed? I would suggest asking her about it. If she is, she needs to see a doctor.


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