# does this sound like there is something between us?



## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

I am a 34 year old, divorced woman. At the moment, I am majorly crushing on a guy I work with. My company has many married and dating couples that work together, so that is not an issue. I am trying to figure out if there is sexual tension between us or if I just want it to be so badly, that I am making it up in my head? I believe it is there, but I am terrible at reading signals. I know I sound like a silly teenager, but I have not dated apart from my ex. I was married young, and I am afraid I am rather naïve. I have also been hurt in my marriage, and that causes me to have self image problems. To top it all off, he is a very good looking guy, and I am a plus size woman. I have convinced myself that he would never be interested in me.

There are signs he is exhibiting that makes me think the sexual tension is real and they are as follows:

eye contact: We could be standing in a room talking to clients and our eyes will find each others. The look he gives me is what can be describes as a knowing look. Also, sometimes when we are talking, his gaze will linger on me a few seconds after our conversation has ended.

physical closeness: If we are in a room with other coworkers, he will typically gravitate toward me by coming to stand next to me. He will make what I think are stupid excuses to come to my office. Sometimes when he needs to tell me something, he will lean his whole body on my desk, his face only inches from mine. A few days ago, we were in tight quarters and he accidentally brushed up against me. He did apologize but was in no hurry to move away from me, and I did not move away right away either. Also, one time we were in a group hug with another female coworker. He accidentally brushed up against my boob. My coworker joked around that he liked the feel of my boob. He did admit that he did, although he could have been just joking.

awkwardness: sometimes he says awkward things when talking to me, like he is trying to be funny but just comes out dumb. He sometimes stumbles over words when talking to me. He also blushes quite often and I believe he speaks in a quieter and softer voice when addressing me. He is kind of an awkward person in general though, as am I.

compliments: he seems to think a great deal of me. He often compliments me on my appearance, typically my outfits. He also compliments me on my dedication, work ethic, and kindness. He also does nice gestures such as cleaning snow off my car, helps me with work stuff, and texts me heart emojis. He also gets me gifts for Christmas and writes me extremely adorable Christmas cards. He is a very nice and sweet guy in general though, who would give the shirt off his back for anyone.

people noticing: a female coworker and friend commented on the vibes between us. She says she feels like she is interrupting something when the three of us are together. We also had a client at work who mistakenly believed us to be married to each other. When I told him that he acted quite happy about that, and we joked around for weeks after about getting married. 

So what does everyone think? Does it sound like he is into me? Is he just a friendly guy and I am misinterpreting that? He does have a lot of friends who are women. Since my company does not mind office romances, wouldn't he have asked me out by now if he was interested?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If you are talking about sexual attraction and not necessarily riding off into the sunset forever to live happily ever after - then if he is heterosexual and you have a pulse, then he is interested.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Now as far as all those signs and things he is doing - yes, he is interested. 

One of you just needs to make a move.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am a 34 year old, divorced woman. At the moment, I am majorly crushing on a guy I work with. My company has many married and dating couples that work together, so that is not an issue. I am trying to figure out if there is sexual tension between us or if I just want it to be so badly, that I am making it up in my head? I believe it is there, but I am terrible at reading signals. I know I sound like a silly teenager, but I have not dated apart from my ex. I was married young, and I am afraid I am rather naïve. I have also been hurt in my marriage, and that causes me to have self image problems. To top it all off, he is a very good looking guy, and I am a plus size woman. I have convinced myself that he would never be interested in me.
> 
> There are signs he is exhibiting that makes me think the sexual tension is real and they are as follows:
> 
> ...


A really simple way to tell if somebody is interested is whether or not they are seemingly making an excuse just to see you. Whether it be that they are walking by your office more than they should or if their most obvious route does not take them past their office, but they seem to be doing that anyway.
The more a person likes you, the more they want to be within proximity of you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It’s ok to ask a guy for coffee, and it’s also ok to get rejected. I’ve been rejected countless times and I assure you, the pain doesn’t last that long. Either a person is interested or they aren’t. Takes about 2 min to find out. Why wonder?


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> If you are talking about sexual attraction and not necessarily riding off into the sunset forever to live happily ever after - then if he is heterosexual and you have a pulse, then he is interested.


Really? Even as a plus size woman going after a very attractive man? I guess the sexual attraction part is what I question. I do have feelings for him and would ultimately love if it came to a relationship, but if things only ever turn just physical, I wont object to that. I think its clear we have a friendship and he thinks a lot of me as a person, so its probably safe to say he could fall for me in a romantic sense. So I guess I am asking if he seems like he is into me sexually? Like that the sexual tension is real and he is not merely being friendly? Sorry if I am not making sense.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

mrscrm735 said:


> Really? Even as a plus size woman going after a very attractive man? I guess the sexual attraction part is what I question. I do have feelings for him and would ultimately love if it came to a relationship, but if things only ever turn just physical, I wont object to that. I think its clear we have a friendship and he thinks a lot of me as a person, so its probably safe to say he could fall for me in a romantic sense. So I guess I am asking if he seems like he is into me sexually? Like that the sexual tension is real and he is not merely being friendly? Sorry if I am not making sense.


You are making sense. I think everybody reading this knows what you mean.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am trying to figure out if there is sexual tension between us or if I just want it to be so badly, that I am making it up in my head?


Do you think so little of yourself that you are wanting to jump into bed and spread your legs for a guy that you aren't even dating? How do you expect him to ever respect you if you don't even respect yourself? Why would any man bother to enter into a real relationship when there are women who they can just bang and then move on? Get yourself a vibrator and calm down.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am a 34 year old, divorced woman. At the moment, I am majorly crushing on a guy I work with. My company has many married and dating couples that work together, so that is not an issue. I am trying to figure out if there is sexual tension between us or if I just want it to be so badly, that I am making it up in my head? I believe it is there, but I am terrible at reading signals. I know I sound like a silly teenager, but I have not dated apart from my ex. I was married young, and I am afraid I am rather naïve. I have also been hurt in my marriage, and that causes me to have self image problems. To top it all off, he is a very good looking guy, and I am a plus size woman. I have convinced myself that he would never be interested in me.
> 
> There are signs he is exhibiting that makes me think the sexual tension is real and they are as follows:
> 
> ...


I mean does he clean off anyone else's car? I can't imagine doing that for a colleague if there wasn't more.

What is the status of this coworker, you are sure he is single? Have you ever talked about it? You might have to send him signals that you are open to dating. He may also be concerned about how it will be if it doesn't work out. Nothing that can't be overcome. I think being it's work some people are very careful about that.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Diceplayer said:


> Do you think so little of yourself that you are wanting to jump into bed and spread your legs for a guy that you aren't even dating? How do you expect him to ever respect you if you don't even respect yourself? Why would any man bother to enter into a real relationship when there are women who they can just bang and then move on? Get yourself a vibrator and calm down.


Really?

Sexual tension doesn't immediately mean jumping into bed. I didn't get the impression from this post that that was her first though. She just means attraction and potential, and in that case sexual tension is a good thing.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

mrscrm735 said:


> Really? Even as a plus size woman going after a very attractive man? I guess the sexual attraction part is what I question. I do have feelings for him and would ultimately love if it came to a relationship, but if things only ever turn just physical, I wont object to that. I think its clear we have a friendship and he thinks a lot of me as a person, so its probably safe to say he could fall for me in a romantic sense. So I guess I am asking if he seems like he is into me sexually? Like that the sexual tension is real and he is not merely being friendly? Sorry if I am not making sense.


For starters you need to keep in mind that sexual attraction and desire are completely different for men than it is for women, so you can not use your metrics to determine if a man is game sexually.

Women can go their entire lives and only be truly sexually attracted to a handful of men.

Men will be sexually attracted to a dozen or more women by 9:00 AM LOL 😆


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

mrscrm735 said:


> Really? Even as a plus size woman going after a very attractive man? I guess the sexual attraction part is what I question. I do have feelings for him and would ultimately love if it came to a relationship, but if things only ever turn just physical, I wont object to that. I think its clear we have a friendship and he thinks a lot of me as a person, so its probably safe to say he could fall for me in a romantic sense. So I guess I am asking if he seems like he is into me sexually? Like that the sexual tension is real and he is not merely being friendly? Sorry if I am not making sense.


There is a lot more to attraction than the physical and what is one persons no way is another persons yes please. Men are at least a little more complicated than we are given credit for. Ask him out and keep you bed made and room tidy.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> For starters you need to keep in mind that sexual attraction and desire are completely different for men than it is for women, so you can not use your metrics to determine if a man is game sexually.
> 
> Women can go their entire lives and only be truly sexually attracted to a handful of men.
> 
> Men will be sexually attracted to a dozen or more women by 9:00 AM LOL 😆


Oops I hit the wrong button, allow me to continue....

Men are much more discriminating when it comes to relationships and exclusivity and commitment and marriage etc.

Men are ok with having sex with women they would not even consider being in an exclusive, committed relationship with. 

Men often have a list of criteria for what they consider marriage material in a woman.

But for sex their list is often, clean, doesn’t smell bad, isn’t too morbidly obese and is willing without any commitment. 

And there can even be some leeway on the morbidly obese as there are some dudes out there that are into that. 

So if it is a primarily sexual thang that you are interested in, I’d say you’re home free and just need to state the time and place and what kind of champagne you want him to bring.

The fact that he is talking to you and interacting with you on a personal level at all is a good sign that he is down for some boom boom 😉


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

sokillme said:


> I mean does he clean off anyone else's car? I can't imagine doing that for a colleague if there wasn't more.


I’ve cleaned snow off two women’s cars in my entire life.

One is my wife who I’ve done that for regularly over the years.

The other was a gal we had a 3-some with the night before 😉 😂 😍 🎊 🎉 

(True story 😆)

So using snow as a metric, I’d say the OP is good to go for tonight!!!!


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

From the examples you’ve provided , it’s pretty clear he’s into you. That he hasn’t made a move to ask you out, makes me think he may be lacking in confidence or is just like you, doubting the chemistry he think he sees. While some guys think every girl is into them, more guys are apt to downplay attraction signals as just being in their head. Which is why so many guys are surprised when they hear that a woman is into them. We’re kind of clueless like that. 

Since we are in 2022, maybe you can ask him out. Think of it as a Sadie Hawkins Dance that instead of a dance at school, it will be a drink after work.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sexual tension at work IS what makes it bearable! luckily you two are both single.

try some of these, and have a blast!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diceplayer said:


> Do you think so little of yourself that you are wanting to jump into bed and spread your legs for a guy that you aren't even dating? How do you expect him to ever respect you if you don't even respect yourself? Why would any man bother to enter into a real relationship when there are women who they can just bang and then move on? Get yourself a vibrator and calm down.


This is a little harsh and judgmental.

She’s a full grown adult that has been in a marriage since she was young. 

What makes you think she wants to jump right back into a committed relationship or marriage?

Maybe she just wants to get out and feel alive again and have some fun with a hunky guy.

Maybe she hasn’t had a real orgasm since the Obama administration and wants to feel some passion again without having to launder some guys dirty underwear and deal with his toenail clippings on the floor. 

She’s an adult. She’s been married before and she has free agency over her life and her sexuality.

If she wants to ride some guy like a stolen horse and then send him packing so she doesn’t have to listen to him snore that night, that’s her perogative.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i see the worry about plus sized women.
do you act sexy?
do you dress sexy?
Do you have a fun personality?
can you be a sexual tease, so he starts to think of you all day long?
are you pretty good in bed, and dying to show him your skills?

those mean a lot more to some men than just a thin body.
some guys actually PREFER larger women.
and guys DEF prefer a woman who flirts with them in sexy ways that are only directed at him!


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am a 34 year old, divorced woman. At the moment, I am majorly crushing on a guy I work with. My company has many married and dating couples that work together, so that is not an issue. I am trying to figure out if there is sexual tension between us or if I just want it to be so badly, that I am making it up in my head? I believe it is there, but I am terrible at reading signals. I know I sound like a silly teenager, but I have not dated apart from my ex. I was married young, and I am afraid I am rather naïve. I have also been hurt in my marriage, and that causes me to have self image problems. To top it all off, he is a very good looking guy, and I am a plus size woman. I have convinced myself that he would never be interested in me.
> 
> There are signs he is exhibiting that makes me think the sexual tension is real and they are as follows:
> 
> ...


He finds you attractive and wants to be intimidate with you - this much is obvious. But you cannot be sure about his motive? You need to decide whether you want to be counted as one of his conquests or you would settle for a relationship. You should settle for a relationship because this would be in line with your past. You may let him know as much. As a man myself (who have exposure to manosphere zones for knowledge sake), I shall drop a hint that men brag about their conquests but think highly of those women who are relationship-material.

Your company is strange by the way - lack of worth ethics. There should be rules in place to discourage hookups between coworkers or there would be problems down the road. Work environment should be professional. You might want to switch your company at some point.


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

As I was reading the replies, some people seem to think I may not know that much about him or his relationship status, or that he is just some stranger I am going to jump in bed with. We have actually been working together for three years. He has made it clear I am someone he can confide in. Actually, I left something out of the whole situation, but not intentionally. Yes, I do know his relationships status, he is divorced as I am. Actually we have a lot in common in that way. He was also married young and had not much else of dating history, either. His ex broke his heart, like mine did. He has shared all that with me. Actually, when we first started working together 3 years ago, we were both still married and used to talk about each other about the problems in our marriage. I am not sure if this info changes anyone's input?


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

Diceplayer said:


> Do you think so little of yourself that you are wanting to jump into bed and spread your legs for a guy that you aren't even dating? How do you expect him to ever respect you if you don't even respect yourself? Why would any man bother to enter into a real relationship when there are women who they can just bang and then move on? Get yourself a vibrator and calm down.


Its 2022 and we are still **** shaming? smh


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

It sounds like he is into you and you are obviously into him. It may be difficult, but you can't judge how he sees you based on how you see you. They are two completely different perspectives. I say go for it. 

I was going to ask what his relationship status was, but I see you answered that. I was hoping he wasn't married, lol.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Firstly make sure he doesn't have a girlfriend. Secondly ask him out for a coffee or light lunch at work. 
He does seem to like you, and so what if you are larger than average? Not all men want to be with beanpoles! 

He may be shy and hesitant about asking you out, or he may like you very much as a friend but until one of you makes a move you will never know. 

Has he been married before do you know?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Will it be awkward for you going forward if you make a move and it turns out he’s not really interested.


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## Pip’sJourney (Mar 17, 2021)

I think what @Diana7 said is right.. Ask him out for coffee or to have lunch with you. His response will be telling. From what you have said I think he does like you and maybe is afraid it is not reciprocated. It is 2022 and women can and should ask others out. A coffee or lunch is less intimidating than dinner or an official date so start there and you will know for sure.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Openminded said:


> Will it be awkward for you going forward if you make a move and it turns out he’s not really interested.


thats why i suggested flirting.
flirting is a two way street.

if after you start flirting with him, you notice him standing much closer to you, touching you more, like on you arm, looking you more in the eyes....maybe he blurts out some double entendre that shows he is thinking of you in a sexual way....

so if you see something obvious that he is doing in response to you, ratchet up your end of things. maybe the two of you go out for drinks with your other workers on a friday night, and after the other workers go home....you two are still there talking.....and you give him the "want to get out of here?"


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Some warnings:
Yeah, when things go south with a coworker, it makes work suck. Even if the employer is ok with it, he may realize the danger.
Second: discussing your marital problems with another man—- you should never do that again. It’s wrong, and inappropriate. This exact thing has broken many a marriage.

lastly, old shirt is right, being willing to bang you and wanting a relationship are different as I’m sure you already know.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> lastly, old shirt is right, being willing to bang you and wanting a relationship are different as I’m sure you already know.


what is wrong with her just having some fun?

its not like she is proposing marriage to this guy. he is a hunk and he turns her on.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> what is wrong with her just having some fun?
> 
> its not like she is proposing marriage to this guy. he is a hunk and he turns her on.


Because it will likely break her heart. Otherwise her business and I assure you I’m not judging.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Because it will likely break her heart. Otherwise her business and I assure you I’m not judging.


she sounds like a big girl to me! 
i am sure, after all her life experiences, she knows how to keep her eyes wide open.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She’s been building feelings for old boy for a long tome now…. If he just bangs her a few times and leaves it at that, she may get her hopes up and really be hurt though. It happens. Heck, I had a gorgeous woman “pump and dump” me once and I’m still a little butt hurt over it.😋
Wait, that didn’t sound right. I pumped and she dumped. No butts involved. 🤣


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

mrscrm735 said:


> awkwardness: sometimes he says awkward things when talking to me, like he is trying to be funny but just comes out dumb. He sometimes stumbles over words when talking to me. He also blushes quite often and I believe he speaks in a quieter and softer voice when addressing me. He is kind of an awkward person in general though, as am I.


So this is the part that jumps out at me. You're both awkward people, you both married young, you both don't have a lot of dating experience. There's a chance he's wondering if he's misinterpreting your signals, too. 

I sympathize, as I once had a huge crush on an awkward young man, and I was awkward around him, and though we flirted, nothing ever happened between us. Now, being older and more experienced, I look back and roll my eyes at how clueless I was, and how many signals he was throwing at me that I was shrugging off because I didn't think he could possibly see me "that" way.

So my advice is: push things a little further. Ask him out for coffee, or lunch. Talk about dating in general, and if that conversation seems to flow well, get gradually more specific. Ask what he's looking for in a significant other. Compliment him. Flirt a little more. See how he reacts. What have you got to lose?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

mrscrm735 said:


> As I was reading the replies, some people seem to think I may not know that much about him or his relationship status, or that he is just some stranger I am going to jump in bed with. We have actually been working together for three years. He has made it clear I am someone he can confide in. Actually, I left something out of the whole situation, but not intentionally. Yes, I do know his relationships status, he is divorced as I am. Actually we have a lot in common in that way. He was also married young and had not much else of dating history, either. His ex broke his heart, like mine did. He has shared all that with me. Actually, when we first started working together 3 years ago, we were both still married and used to talk about each other about the problems in our marriage. I am not sure if this info changes anyone's input?


The way I am seeing this, you two are already in a personal relationship and have already bonded on a pretty emotional level.

Since “friendzoning” is pretty much an exclusive female phenomenon, and since you have sexual feelings and desire for him - id say it’s time for the clothes to hit the floor!!!😁


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> She’s been building feelings for old boy for a long tome now…. If he just bangs her a few times and leaves it at that, she may get her hopes up and really be hurt though. It happens. Heck, I had a gorgeous woman “pump and dump” me once and I’m still a little butt hurt over it.😋
> Wait, that didn’t sound right. I pumped and she dumped. No butts involved. 🤣


Yes, I have feelings for him and I would not object to building this relationship to see if it develops into anything more serious. I want to take things to the next level, regardless of that what that may be. if it turns out to just be sex, I am cool with that. If he does not want to have sex with me, that rejection is going to be harder to handle because it simply means he is not attracted to me. I feel unattractive and undesirable to begin with, and that rejection would be brutal on my self esteem. Attraction is the bare minimum for building a relationship, so if there is no attraction there can be nothing further. I know there is no way to know for sure but I mostly wanted other people's input on the vibes between us that I am describing. Do these vibes seem more sexual or just merely friendly? I also wanted to gauge people's opinion on what my chances are of a big girl like me getting a handsome guy like him to go for me? I am realistic, and if people think my chances of him being into me are not good, I am probably not going to go for it. I do not want to risk awkwardness at work for something that is very unlikely to happen. I would rather just fantasize that he wants me have him flat out reject me because of my looks. I can live with him as a fantasy and not knowing how he feels about me. Ignorance is bliss.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> lastly, old shirt is right, being willing to bang you and wanting a relationship are different as I’m sure you already know.


Hey, if you are going refer to my posts, at least keep it in context.

I think she should tear this guy’s clothes off with her teeth and ravage him senseless!!

I wish I could be there!! 😂


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> what is wrong with her just having some fun?
> 
> its not like she is proposing marriage to this guy. he is a hunk and he turns her on.


It depends on what she is looking for. She may want a proper relationship not just casual sex.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

mrscrm735 said:


> Yes, I have feelings for him and I would not object if he wants something more serious from me. If he tells me he just wants sex and nothing else, I may be a hurt, but ultimately I would be cool with that. I would much rather have in my life as a friend than not at all. If he is not attracted to me and does not want to have sex with me, that rejection is going to be harder to handle because it will be brutal on my already low self esteem. I feel attractive and undesirable to begin with. I know there is no way to know for sure but I mostly wanted other people's input if the vibes between us seem more sexual or just merely friendly. I also wanted to gauge people's opinion on what my chances are on a handsome guy like him wanting a big girl like me. I am realistic, and if people think my chances of him being into me are not good, I am probably not going to go for it.


Just ask him. If he agrees to go for a date then take it from there but make sure you want the same thing. If he just wants sex then you can say no if that's not what you want. 
From what you have said I doubt if he just wants sex or he would have tried to get you into bed by now.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Just ask him. If he agrees to go for a date then take it from there but make sure you want the same thing. If he just wants sex then you can say no if that's not what you want.
> From what you have said I doubt if he just wants sex or he would have tried to get you into bed by now.


As much as I like to bump heads with Diana, I can’t argue with this logic. 

If he were just a Fk Boi, he would have already banged her and moved on by now. 

She’s a grown woman and she can either accept or decline whatever offer he makes or she is capable of making her own offer.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

mrscrm735 said:


> Yes, I have feelings for him and I would not object if he wants something more serious from me. If he tells me he just wants sex and nothing else, I may be a hurt, but ultimately I would be cool with that. I would much rather have in my life as a friend than not at all. If he is not attracted to me and does not want to have sex with me, that rejection is going to be harder to handle because it will be brutal on my already low self esteem. I feel attractive and undesirable to begin with. I know there is no way to know for sure but I mostly wanted other people's input if the vibes between us seem more sexual or just merely friendly. I also wanted to gauge people's opinion on what my chances are on a handsome guy like him wanting a big girl like me. I am realistic, and if people think my chances of him being into me are not good, I am probably not going to go for it.


I’m not really trying to play junior shrink here but no I do not think you are being realistic in either your or his physical attractiveness.

You have some self-admitted, self image and self confidence issues. You may be a Victoria’s Secret runway model for all we know. I’m sure that company has a lot of shenanigans going on behind the scene so you could be the 2022 swimsuit cover girl for all we know. There ain’t a swimsuit model on the planet that doesn’t think she is plus sized and overweight. 

And since you are crushing on this guy so much and feel he’s out of your league, you are looking at him through the Horny Goggles. 

You have us picturing Adonis through your posts, but he’s probably just a normal guy. 

Between your inflated image of him and your deflated image of yourself, you two are probably a perfect match. 

If other coworkers are giving you some good-hearted ribbing, that means you are a cute couple. 

People do not do that if there is an actual mismatch.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

mrscrm735 said:


> Its 2022 and we are still **** shaming? smh


What?

Im curious. Would you like the advice from women here or the men? Ultimately, the questions you are asking here would be best answered by the men since you want to know what your co-worker thinks of you - a man that no one here has met. Strong possibility he is going to think and act like a lot of standard things that men do and say.

the advice you received above is not sl*t shaming. It’s real world advice. Real world doesn’t follow social constructs that are “popular”. Real world typically follows trends and reality.

you mentioned that you were interested in dating him; not just sex. If that is the case, then there is a strong possibility that he would lose respect for you if you slept with him immediately. Maybe that is the information you need to know that he isn’t right for you? However, if it does matter to you that he would lose respect for you, do you want to chance that? I ask because you still gotta work with him on a daily basis. People like to talk. Maybe this guy wouldn’t say anything. Maybe he would. I personally am more concerned about your employment - especially if this is a job you really enjoy.

I’ll put it this way, you make him sound like a high quality man. If he is, then he most likely wont be impressed with sex on a first date. It doesn’t matter if you want to call it **** shaming or not. It’s reality.

you mentioned that you are plus size and have self esteem issues. I don’t know exactly what plus size means. Can you elaborate? I ask because it seems like different areas of the world or just different areas of the US consider different bodies to be attractive or what is considered plus in one area is skinny in another.

Your description makes it sound like he is attracted to you so I doubt being plus size is an issue.

certainly there are things about your physical appearance that you like? Present those features. Do it for you because it makes you feel better. If you feel better about yourself, he will probably notice that as well.

Lastly, do you and your co-workers do happy hour? If so, ask him to join you and other co-workers. Nice and easy. Group setting. It’ll be relaxed. Talk with him there. Gauge his response. If it goes well, why not ask him to a happy hour after work with just you two?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I think you should clonk him over the head with a club and drag him back to your cave.

I bless this Union!


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I’m not really trying to play junior shrink here but no I do not think you are being realistic in either your or his physical attractiveness.
> 
> You have some self-admitted, self image and self confidence issues. You may be a Victoria’s Secret runway model for all we know. I’m sure that company has a lot of shenanigans going on behind the scene so you could be the 2022 swimsuit cover girl for all we know. There ain’t a swimsuit model on the planet that doesn’t think she is plus sized and overweight.
> 
> ...


 I am certainly no Victoria's Secret model in fact I am well beyond the size of even a typical even plus size model. I mean it when I say I am a big girl. However, I am been divorced for a year and a half and have quite a few men tell me how sexy they find my curves. I rejected them all because I did not believe them and that is my problem. I guess you can say aside from my body I am conventionally attractive. I have long blonde hair, mostly perfect skin, nice teeth/smile, and really pretty eyes. So I can say some good things about myself. I also know how to dress and wear my hair and makeup. He is always very complimentary about that. He loves my sense of style and has commented on what I am wearing many times. He always tells me I rock my wardrobe. Truthfully, he is probably not as attractive as I make him out to be. While he drives me wild, he is not attractive in a conventional sense. So in case everyone was wondering, He is barely much taller than me and I am 5'4. He is also slightly chunky, has a long beard, and his arms are covered in tattoos. My friend and coworker who believes there is something between us has reassured me many times that he is not too attractive for me. Maybe you were correct on your assessment here.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

If he's a man, he's interested. But if he won't ask you out maybe he's not the type of man you want.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

All this nonsense here. Why don't you just ask him out to dinner? You'll have your answer in about 5 seconds.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

LATERILUS79 said:


> What?
> 
> Im curious. Would you like the advice from women here or the men? Ultimately, the questions you are asking here would be best answered by the men since you want to know what your co-worker thinks of you - a man that no one here has met. Strong possibility he is going to think and act like a lot of standard things that men do and say.
> 
> ...


I agree with @mrscrm735 that it was slt shaming and inflammatory.

Yes she has said that she would welcome a relationship. But she’s also stated in black and white that she is ok if it’s a sexual thing too.

She’s not a delicate little flower that’s going to dry up and blow away if she doesn’t ride off into the sunset with the very next guy she meets up with. 

She just got out of one marriage, what makes y’all think she’s dying to walk down the aisle this weekend? 

And as far as hooking up on the first date, we all need to step back and recalibrate what we think a first date really is for these two.

They have already had a two year relationship with each other and already know each other on a quite personal level. 

My wife and I met at work and had a similar relationship for a long time before our coworkers finally got through to us that we needed to be together. 

By the time we had our first movie date, we were already quite intimate.

This isn’t like a couple that swiped right on Tinder and meeting up for the first time over coffee. They already know each other and the kind person the other is more than a Tinder or an OK Cupid couple knows after many many months or even a year. 

They already have a somewhat intimate relationship. They just haven’t ‘fessed up to each other yet and haven’t made it physical yet. 

He knows she not a slt because he’s known her for 2 years and knows she hasn’t seen anyone in that time. 

These aren’t 21 year old hooking up on Tinder. These are fully grown, professional adults that have known each other on a professional and personal level for a couple years.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am been divorced for a year and a half and have quite a few men tell me how sexy they find my curves. I rejected them all because I did not believe them and that is my problem.


I’m going to have to hang my junior shrink certificate back up on the wall for a moment.

Did you reject these other men because you did not find THEM attractive?

If the answer to that is yes, then you didn’t feel they were in your league or up to what you believe your capabilities are.

If you did find them attractive and interesting, then what you rejected was yourself.


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I’m going to have to hang my junior shrink certificate back up on the wall for a moment.
> 
> Did you reject these other men because you did not find THEM attractive?
> 
> ...


No, I was attracted to them I rejected them because I believed they weren’t really attracted to me. Now I realize they probably were. However, I can’t get myself to to think that he could want me to


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This thread is funny, we went from, does this guy like me to she was dumped and her heart broken after having sex a few times with the guy.

How about she flirt with him a little and ask him for some coffee first.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If you say he's awkward and blushes and all that, then he may be attracted to you because you are showing him attention he may not often get. He may not be comfortable with more confident women. He might feel he'd be biting off more than he can chew with them. So maybe he isn't as attractive to other women like he is to you. What do the other office women have to say about that? Do they think he's hot or do they think he's nerdy?

Still not sure I'd put your neck out there. But you might encourage some happy hour office afterhours and see what happens there. You might ask a small group of mixed office people to lunch and include him. If there's no taboo in the office about dating, I still advise keeping it to yourselves if you do.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am certainly no Victoria's Secret model in fact I am well beyond the size of even a typical even plus size model. I mean it when I say I am a big girl. However, I am been divorced for a year and a half and have quite a few men tell me how sexy they find my curves. I rejected them all because I did not believe them and that is my problem. I guess you can say aside from my body I am conventionally attractive. I have long blonde hair, mostly perfect skin, nice teeth/smile, and really pretty eyes. So I can say some good things about myself. I also know how to dress and wear my hair and makeup. He is always very complimentary about that. He loves my sense of style and has commented on what I am wearing many times. He always tells me I rock my wardrobe. Truthfully, he is probably not as attractive as I make him out to be. While he drives me wild, he is not attractive in a conventional sense. So in case everyone was wondering, He is barely much taller than me and I am 5'4. He is also slightly chunky, has a long beard, and his arms are covered in tattoos. My friend and coworker who believes there is something between us has reassured me many times that he is not too attractive for me. Maybe you were correct on your assessment here.


He doesn't nessessarily sound typically attractive but as long as he is to you that's what matters. 
I just can't understand why he hasn't asked you out. He clearly likes you. Is he shy do you think? Is his divorce fairly recent?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am conventionally attractive. I have long blonde hair, mostly perfect skin, nice teeth/smile, and really pretty eyes. So I can say some good things about myself. I also know how to dress and wear my hair and makeup. He is always very complimentary about that. He loves my sense of style and has commented on what I am wearing many times. He always tells me I rock my wardrobe. Truthfully, he is probably not as attractive as I make him out to be. While he drives me wild, he is not attractive in a conventional sense. So in case everyone was wondering, He is barely much taller than me and I am 5'4. He is also slightly chunky, has a long beard, and his arms are covered in tattoos. My friend and coworker who believes there is something between us has reassured me many times that he is not too attractive for me. Maybe you were correct on your assessment here.


Ok if one of your objectives for coming here and starting this discussion was to see if you two are actually in the same league and you you stand a chance of hooking up with this dude - 

My expert and never to be humble opinion is yes.

I think the only reason he hasn’t stuck it in ya yet is he is waiting for you to lift up your skirt or some other kind of green light from you.

And what I am picturing of you from your descriptions and what I am picturing of him from your descriptions, then it is an unquestioned yes on the sex and that he would be down for......well.. getting down.

For a traditional relationship?? Maybe. 

That always gets more complicated and but I’m not seeing anything that is setting off any alarm bells or telling you to run for a bomb shelter or anything.

Might you be sad if things don’t work out the way you’re dreaming in your mind? Well yeah duh. We all get hurt from time to time.

You’ve been hurt before, you survived. I mean here you are. And you’re getting ready to climb back on the horse again ( nudge nudge wink wink 😉) 

Even if the whole thing crashes and burns, you’ll be able to look yourself in the mirror and say you tried. 

I guarantee you that you will suffer internally a lot more and for a lot longer if you don’t try, than if you try and it doesn’t work out. 

The courageous only dies one death. The coward dies many deaths a day. 

The courageous also have no less fear or apprehension or uncertainty than the coward. The courageous does what needs to be done anyway despite the fear. 

Now go slap those ripe ol’ big-girl hooters in his face and make this happen!! 😆


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If he's that short, trust me, he is having trouble getting interested women. They say on here sometimes that a short guy is the equivalent to a big girl attraction-wise, so you're probably well matched. The real question here is why hasn't he asked you out. Maybe because he doesn't feel it's as safe to do at work as you do, or maybe because he has no confidence. So I'm sticking with inviting him to something with others along just to see him outside the office where it's more appropriate to talk personally than at the actual office.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

mrscrm735 said:


> No, I was attracted to them I rejected them because I believed they weren’t really attracted to me. Now I realize they probably were. However, I can’t get myself to to think that he could want me to


Is that really your choice to make though? You can’t decide what another person wants or doesn’t want.

It’s up to him to decide if he wants you or not. 

You do you. If you don’t like some dude, politely say thanks but no thanks.

If you do like someone, then say, why thank you yes.

It’s up to them to determine who they like.


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> He doesn't nessessarily sound typically attractive but as long as he is to you that's what matters.
> I just can't understand why he hasn't asked you out. He clearly likes you. Is he shy do you think? Is his divorce fairly recent?


He is extremely shy and probably even more insecure than I am. He was divorced almost 3 years ago, shortly after we started working together. I got divorced about a year and a half after that. He has not been with a woman since then. His ex wife pulverized his heart. He was hurt bad by her. We have spent the last three years talking about his dating life, or lackthereof, so I know for a fact he definitely lacks confidence and had negative self imagine. I am in the same boat, so sounds maybe we are both just scared?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If he's that short, trust me, he is having trouble getting interested women.


?
Early in my career there was a 45 year-old single guy who worked in purchasing. About 5'3", overweight, beer gut, bald. Women of every size, shape, age after him constantly. Sometimes two or three wanting to take him on at the same time. He was a legend at the plant. His stature was short and squat, but he was packing what the women craved. A 1 percenter.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

mrscrm735 said:


> He is extremely shy and probably even more insecure than I am. He was divorced almost 3 years ago, shortly after we started working together. I got divorced about a year and a half after that. He has not been with a woman since then. His ex wife pulverized his heart. He was hurt bad by her. We have spent the last three years talking about his dating life, or lackthereof, so I know for a fact he definitely lacks confidence and had negative self imagine. I am in the same boat, so sounds maybe we are both just scared?


You could help one another a lot. Just ask him out and go from there. What is the worst that could happen?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> ?
> Early in my career there was a 45 year-old single guy who worked in purchasing. About 5'3", overweight, beer gut, bald. Women of every size, shape, age after him constantly. Sometimes two or three wanting to take him on at the same time. He was a legend at the plant. His stature was short and squat, but he was packing what the women craved. A 1 percenter.


Ew. You mean he held a gun on them?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Ew. You mean he held a gun on them?


Haha yeah I was like 1%er how, outlaw MC? Bernie Sanders “dur 1%”, 1% penis size?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

If you want to know if he wants to date you, the only way to find out is to ask him on a date.

If he rejects you, yes it will hurt a bit, but you know what? You will get over the pain and be able to move on and be open to meeting other men in the future. Right now, you are trapped in the crush and not receptive to anyone else who might be a potential partner.

If he accepts, hooray!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This is crazy. I’ll just go ahead and say after all you’ve told, yes he definitely wants to bang you and possibly/likely more.
I hereby declare you ask him for coffee and get it fine tomorrow and report results. 😊


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## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

I think that you can casually go out for a date and see if whatever you're saying is real. Maybe a movie or something. And just see if you feel something for each other. I understand about the negative self-image however I would tell you to shed you inhibition and go out for a while and enjoy yourself, regardless if it results in something more or not, let things develop organically, Best of luck


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Talker67 said:


> what is wrong with her just having some fun?
> 
> its not like she is proposing marriage to this guy. he is a hunk and he turns her on.


The man in question is her coworker as well. It would be sensible for the woman to date him and seek commitment from him before ya know. A woman should not be somebody's conquest in her office environment - this can affect her, how she is perceived there, and there will be gossips about her behind her back. Men and women are wired differently when it comes to relationships. The woman's office environment is lacking in professionalism TBH.

Vice: Hookups with co-workers - Management Magazine (management-africa.co.ke)


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> The man in question is her coworker as well. It would be sensible for the woman to date him and seek commitment from him before ya know. *A woman should not be somebody's conquest in her office environment -* this can affect her, how she is perceived there, and there will be gossips about her behind her back. Men and women are wired differently when it comes to relationships. The woman's office environment is lacking in professionalism TBH.
> 
> Vice: Hookups with co-workers - Management Magazine (management-africa.co.ke)


i was thinking that the GUY should be HER conquest!

From your own article: "_Business Insider conducted a survey which found that 54 per cent of respondents have had sex with a colleague, _"


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am certainly no Victoria's Secret model in fact I am well beyond the size of even a typical even plus size model. I mean it when I say I am a big girl. However, I am been divorced for a year and a half and have quite a few men tell me how sexy they find my curves. I rejected them all because I did not believe them and that is my problem. I guess you can say aside from my body I am conventionally attractive. I have long blonde hair, mostly perfect skin, nice teeth/smile, and really pretty eyes. So I can say some good things about myself. I also know how to dress and wear my hair and makeup. He is always very complimentary about that. He loves my sense of style and has commented on what I am wearing many times. He always tells me I rock my wardrobe. Truthfully, he is probably not as attractive as I make him out to be. While he drives me wild, he is not attractive in a conventional sense. So in case everyone was wondering, He is barely much taller than me and I am 5'4. He is also slightly chunky, has a long beard, and his arms are covered in tattoos. My friend and coworker who believes there is something between us has reassured me many times that he is not too attractive for me. Maybe you were correct on your assessment here.


go for it!

i can understand after being divorced having some reluctance to trust a guy.
but this guy seems to really REALLY be into you.
and yes, many guys LOVE voluptuous women.

And you sound pretty voluptuous. 

the SAFE way is to kick the flirting up a notch, and see how he responds.

and if he does respond, kick it up another notch.

and then again....


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

mrscrm735 said:


> He is extremely shy and probably even more insecure than I am. He was divorced almost 3 years ago, shortly after we started working together. I got divorced about a year and a half after that. He has not been with a woman since then. His ex wife pulverized his heart. He was hurt bad by her. We have spent the last three years talking about his dating life, or lackthereof, so I know for a fact he definitely lacks confidence and had negative self imagine. I am in the same boat, so sounds maybe we are both just scared?


you two sound perfect for each other right now.

he has some issues to restore his confidence.
you have some issues to restore your confidence.
a torrid affair is exactly what you both need to get back into the whole swing of things.
just tell him its a no strings attached sort of thing, since you both are working on some issues. Do not be "falling in love" after the first date.

is there some confidant at the office that can fix you two up on a date? sounds like you both want it, but are too shy to overcome the inertia.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Talker67 said:


> i was thinking that the GUY should be HER conquest!
> 
> From your own article: "_Business Insider conducted a survey which found that 54 per cent of respondents have had sex with a colleague, _"


He will be HER conquest IF she manage to lock him down for relationship.  

People make bad judgement calls all the time unfortunately. Some things cannot be undone.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

mrscrm735 said:


> No, I was attracted to them I rejected them because I believed they weren’t really attracted to me. Now I realize they probably were. However, I can’t get myself to to think that he could want me to


check out some of these pics (family friendly) of larger but sexy women. 
this is probably what your friend at work thinks of when he thinks of you:









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Search from thousands of royalty-free Bbw stock images and video for your next project. Download royalty-free stock photos, vectors, HD footage and more on Adobe Stock.




stock.adobe.com


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> check out some of these pics (family friendly) of larger but sexy women.
> this is probably what your friend at work thinks of when he thinks of you:
> 
> 
> ...


Thanks, this did help. We all have a hard time seeing ourselves the way other people see us. I didn’t know you could post pictures on here. I should just saved everyone a lot of trouble and posted a pic of me to let everyone critique. Lol


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> The man in question is her coworker as well. It would be sensible for the woman to date him and seek commitment from him before ya know. A woman should not be somebody's conquest in her office environment - this can affect her, how she is perceived there, and there will be gossips about her behind her back. Men and women are wired differently when it comes to relationships. The woman's office environment is lacking in professionalism TBH.
> 
> Vice: Hookups with co-workers - Management Magazine (management-africa.co.ke)


They’ve been friends for over two years and neither one has dated anyone during that time. 

I don’t think we’re dealing with playa’s, fck boyz and floozies here.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

mrscrm735 said:


> Thanks, this did help. We all have a hard time seeing ourselves the way other people see us. I didn’t know you could post pictures on here. I should just saved everyone a lot of trouble and posted a pic of me to let everyone critique. Lol


Dont do that! Posting pics of yourself on internet is a very bad idea!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> He will be HER conquest IF she manage to lock him down for relationship.
> 
> People make bad judgement calls all the time unfortunately. Some things cannot be undone.


She just got out of a bad marriage. 

Let’s not jump to the assumption she wants to get right back into a serious relationship.

She’s said she would be ok if it did turn into a relationship, but that she was ok if it was just a sexual thang. 

Let’s let consenting adults determine what’s best for them even if it’s not the same thing we think they should do.


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Dont do that! Posting pics of yourself on internet is a very bad idea!


I was just joking. but I’m already all over the internet. I have FB, instagram, Tinder.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

mrscrm735 said:


> I was just joking. but I’m already all over the internet. I have FB, instagram, Tinder.


😮😕 As are most I suppose. Guess that ship has sailed 😟


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

mrscrm735 said:


> Thanks, this did help. We all have a hard time seeing ourselves the way other people see us. I didn’t know you could post pictures on here. I should just saved everyone a lot of trouble and posted a pic of me to let everyone critique. Lol


i am not sure why it is uncommon here on TAM to post pics. but i just use copy to grab a picture from somewhere else, and paste it in. If it is a hard to copy pic, i use the microsoft snipping tool to copy it to my desktop, and then paste it here.









this is one using the snipping tool. i used the tool because there were some words to the left i did not find relevant...and just cropped them out

what YOU need is to find a sexy Avatar for your profile! that is step 1.

if you do feel a need to post a pic of your actual self, i would def fuzz out your face. it IS the internet, after all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> Dont do that! Posting pics of yourself on internet is a very bad idea!


This ^^^^^^^

Besides what we think you two look like is irrelevant. It’s how you each see each other that matters.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> They’ve been friends for over two years and neither one has dated anyone during that time.
> 
> I don’t think we’re dealing with playa’s, fck boyz and floozies here.


Yes, she mentioned it. But this is her view of him; WE do not know much about him through independent sources. What I find odd is that he finds it OK to touch her in the office in front of others but didn't ask her out on a date yet. She can make this right by asking him out on a date and see how it goes for both.

For the sake of argument, if somebody heavily flirts with me in the office but doesn't ask me out on a date in a span of some days then I will do the honors and see how it goes. This is how I will have clarity and closure.



oldshirt said:


> She just got out of a bad marriage.
> 
> Let’s not jump to the assumption she wants to get right back into a serious relationship.
> 
> ...


Adults can consent to do anything - argument is about how it affects those involved in the long term. Hookups do not affect men but women in general. I have provided my perspective in posts # 19 and # 62 respectively. She can take it or leave it of course.



mrscrm735 said:


> As I was reading the replies, some people seem to think I may not know that much about him or his relationship status, or that he is just some stranger I am going to jump in bed with. We have actually been working together for three years. He has made it clear I am someone he can confide in. Actually, I left something out of the whole situation, but not intentionally. Yes, I do know his relationships status, he is divorced as I am. Actually we have a lot in common in that way. He was also married young and had not much else of dating history, either. His ex broke his heart, like mine did. He has shared all that with me. Actually, when we first started working together 3 years ago, we were both still married and used to talk about each other about the problems in our marriage. I am not sure if this info changes anyone's input?





mrscrm735 said:


> He is extremely shy and probably even more insecure than I am. He was divorced almost 3 years ago, shortly after we started working together. I got divorced about a year and a half after that. He has not been with a woman since then. His ex wife pulverized his heart. He was hurt bad by her. We have spent the last three years talking about his dating life, or lackthereof, so I know for a fact he definitely lacks confidence and had negative self imagine. I am in the same boat, so sounds maybe we are both just scared?


Next time he touches you - you can say this: _"Looks like somebody wants to date me"_ and smile_._ This might do the trick.


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

LeGenDary_Man said:


> Yes, she mentioned it. But this is her view of him; WE do not know much about him through independent sources. What I find odd is that he finds it OK to touch her in the office in front of others but didn't ask her out on a date yet. She can make this right by asking him out on a date and see how it goes for both.
> 
> For the sake of argument, if somebody heavily flirts with me in the office but doesn't ask me out on a date in a span of some days then I will do the honors and see how it goes. This is how I will have clarity and closure.
> 
> ...


Okay, there wasn’t all that much touching going on. It has all for the most part has been accidental. We hugged once but it was with me and my other female coworker in a group hug. We were having a bad day. He grazed my boob during that hug, which was purely accidental. He also brushed up against me just a week ago, but were in tight quarters and he apologized. I was bold though and didn’t move away. We have also high fived a couple times and once he held my hand cause I was slipping on the parking lot in ice. That’s it. Nothing exciting. Lol


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Listen, if you like the guy, take the initiative to ask him out. Maybe go to lunch (or have a drink after work). Just lay your cards on the table. Tell him from your perspective, that the two of you enjoy each other's company, share a lot of similar interests, and you're curious if he'd be open to the possibility to see if there's something more there between the two of you?

Tell him the thought has certainly crossed your mind. That said, one thing you better think about, is it appears (based on what you've said) that the two of you are also good friends.

There's always the risk when you bring sex/intimacy into the picture, that if things don't work out not only do you risk losing the friendship but also making your work environment really uncomfortable.

The call is yours but please think about this before you jump in the sack with this guy (if he's open to this).


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

mrscrm735 said:


> I am a 34 year old, divorced woman. At the moment, I am majorly crushing on a guy I work with. My company has many married and dating couples that work together, so that is not an issue. I am trying to figure out if there is sexual tension between us or if I just want it to be so badly, that I am making it up in my head? I believe it is there, but I am terrible at reading signals. I know I sound like a silly teenager, but I have not dated apart from my ex. I was married young, and I am afraid I am rather naïve. I have also been hurt in my marriage, and that causes me to have self image problems. To top it all off, he is a very good looking guy, and I am a plus size woman. I have convinced myself that he would never be interested in me.
> 
> There are signs he is exhibiting that makes me think the sexual tension is real and they are as follows:
> 
> ...


Hey guys, I figured you all would like an update to this. I decided to go for it. Unfortunately, it did not have the favorable outcome we were all hoping for. I actually texted him last Thursday. I made my intentions pretty clear in my text. However, he totally never texted me back. I didn’t see him at work at all on Friday, so never got to talk to him. Friday night, I ended up going out to the bar with my friend and coworker(the same one who thinks there is something between us) anyway, we ended up drinking more than we should have. I told her about him not responding to my text and she agreed to talk to him for me and be my wingwoman. I know it was immature and a terrible idea, but were both drunk and our judgment not the greatest. So Saturday, I was off that day, but they both worked, so she did have an opportunity to talk to him. She called me that night after her shift and told me that he said that he is not looking for anything and just wants to be friends, that he cares about me, but just as a friend. She did tell him he needed to man up and actually talk to me about it and answer my text. He said he would. I was off all weekend, but will see him tomorrow morning and don’t know how he will react. This rejection hurt more than I expected it would. How could I have been so stupid? How did misread signals so badly? This was a terrible idea, cause I knew the rejection would shatter my self confidence. I should have kept him a fantasy only. I take this a direct dig on the way I look, and if I felt unattractive and undesirable before, now it’s 100 times worse. But I do want to thank everyone for giving me the encouragement to go for what I want! At least now I know.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m not a handsome dude. So I understand it hurts to be rejected if you want to call it that. 
But realize that there are lots of men that will find you very attractive regardless of what you think of yourself. I always thought that Renee Zelwiger was an attractive actress. Apparently even movie stars wish they look differently, because I hardly recognize her now.
My point is that other people don’t see you the way you do. Be patient. Be happy. Happy, fun, positive people attract others. 
Build that person, and he will come.😊
I’m sorry your coworker wasn’t interested.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

mrscrm735 said:


> Hey guys, I figured you all would like an update to this. I decided to go for it. Unfortunately, it did not have the favorable outcome we were all hoping for. I actually texted him last Thursday. I made my intentions pretty clear in my text. However, he totally never texted me back. I didn’t see him at work at all on Friday, so never got to talk to him. Friday night, I ended up going out to the bar with my friend and coworker(the same one who thinks there is something between us) anyway, we ended up drinking more than we should have. I told her about him not responding to my text and she agreed to talk to him for me and be my wingwoman. I know it was immature and a terrible idea, but were both drunk and our judgment not the greatest. So Saturday, I was off that day, but they both worked, so she did have an opportunity to talk to him. She called me that night after her shift and told me that he said that he is not looking for anything and just wants to be friends, that he cares about me, but just as a friend. She did tell him he needed to man up and actually talk to me about it and answer my text. He said he would. I was off all weekend, but will see him tomorrow morning and don’t know how he will react. This rejection hurt more than I expected it would. How could I have been so stupid? How did misread signals so badly? This was a terrible idea, cause I knew the rejection would shatter my self confidence. I should have kept him a fantasy only. I take this a direct dig on the way I look, and if I felt unattractive and undesirable before, now it’s 100 times worse. But I do want to thank everyone for giving me the encouragement to go for what I want! At least now I know.


Bummer it didn’t work out the way you had hoped but turn that droopy face around and hold your head up high and pat yourself on the back. 

You took the shot. You took the risk. It didn’t work out the way you hoped but so what? No puppies were hurt in this. The world didn’t end. 

It was a personal growth experience. You are a step farther today than you were last week. 

You took a chance and asked out a dude you had the hots for. There are countless women that go there whole lives and never lift a finger to get with the guys they are actually interested in and have to settle for whoever comes to them. 

There are 3,500,000,000 other men in the world out there. Wipe your teary eyes and put your droopy face in your pocket and get back out there and schmooze it up with the next guy that makes your jay-jay tingle 😉


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

@mrscrm735 

It’s important that you realize this isn’t really about you- this is on him and his impotence as a man.

The fact he didn’t have the giblets to even return your text, shows why he hasn’t had a date in 3 years.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

mrscrm735 said:


> Hey guys, I figured you all would like an update to this. I decided to go for it. Unfortunately, it did not have the favorable outcome we were all hoping for. I actually texted him last Thursday. I made my intentions pretty clear in my text. However, he totally never texted me back. I didn’t see him at work at all on Friday, so never got to talk to him. Friday night, I ended up going out to the bar with my friend and coworker(the same one who thinks there is something between us) anyway, we ended up drinking more than we should have. I told her about him not responding to my text and she agreed to talk to him for me and be my wingwoman. I know it was immature and a terrible idea, but were both drunk and our judgment not the greatest. So Saturday, I was off that day, but they both worked, so she did have an opportunity to talk to him. She called me that night after her shift and told me that he said that he is not looking for anything and just wants to be friends, that he cares about me, but just as a friend. She did tell him he needed to man up and actually talk to me about it and answer my text. He said he would. I was off all weekend, but will see him tomorrow morning and don’t know how he will react. This rejection hurt more than I expected it would. How could I have been so stupid? How did misread signals so badly? This was a terrible idea, cause I knew the rejection would shatter my self confidence. I should have kept him a fantasy only. I take this a direct dig on the way I look, and if I felt unattractive and undesirable before, now it’s 100 times worse. But I do want to thank everyone for giving me the encouragement to go for what I want! At least now I know.


Oh no... a drunk wingwoman!  That part made me chuckle.

I know you're hurting at the moment, but I hope that soon you can see the lighter side of things. For what it's worth, I think you're coming down on yourself WAY too hard. What's so stupid about giving it a shot? It was a gamble as to whether he felt the same or not. You took the chance, and now you know. To re-frame this, I'd consider that it's good to know where you stand. That's better than swooning to an illusion, in my opinion. Also, it would turn me off completely that he didn't know how to handle your texted intentions. The hesitation/avoidance whatever it was would indicate or have me question - to my personality, at least, so I get this may not apply to you - how he'd deal with other stuff. And so, from the perspective, I'd be thinking 'Phew, he ain't for me anyway'. Like I said, that may just be the way that I am though. 

You shared good rapport. Can still share good rapport. You demonstrated you're into him. He's demonstrated that it's not reciprocated. You had enough self-confidence to express your attraction. Please don't let the non-reciprocation shatter you! We're all attracted to different types of appearances, personality types, whathaveyou. Is he worth you feeling into pieces about? Let me answer that for you - nope.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

oldshirt said:


> @mrscrm735
> 
> It’s important that you realize this isn’t really about you- this is on him and his impotence as a man.
> 
> The fact he didn’t have the giblets to even return your text, shows why he hasn’t had a date in 3 years.


My point exactly!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

oldshirt said:


> @mrscrm735
> 
> It’s important that you realize this isn’t really about you- this is on him and his impotence as a man.
> 
> The fact he didn’t have the giblets to even return your text, shows why he hasn’t had a date in 3 years.


I hadn't read this before I posted.  

Yeah, not responding is just blurgh. < new word made up.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Also, if you feel any 'weirdness' between you when you're next at work together, my vote is to just call it out in a light-hearted way if you're able to in order to address it directly, and a way to move on. Again, that may come down to personality type. Still, that's my suggestion. There's no doubt a way that you can both acknowledge it with good vibes, without it damaging the work rapport between you. Let us know how you go. Chin up, and all that jazz.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

heartsbeating said:


> You demonstrated you're into him. He's demonstrated that it's not reciprocated. You had enough self-confidence to express your attraction. Please don't let the non-reciprocation shatter you! We're all attracted to different types of appearances, personality types, whathaveyou. Is he worth you feeling into pieces about? Let me answer that for you - nope.


I agree with 99% of your post.

The part I question however is the assumption that he’s not into her.

From her previous posts about his behavior, I think he does like her - I think he’s just too weak and too much of a pu$$y to do anything about it.

If he just saw her as a friend - he would have txt her back, told here he was flattered and then gave her the LJBF. 

If he was gay and was in the closet - he would have txt her back, told her how fabulous she was and that some lucky guy would hit one out of the ballpark by getting her, and gave her the LJBF. 

If he had started seeing someone else recently - he would have txt her back, told her he blew it by missing his opportunity but was seeing someone at the moment. 

And even if she was completely delusional and completely dreamed up this whole thing in her head and they really had no actual connection whatsoever - he would have txt her back, thanked her for her interest but that he didn’t think they were a match and gave her the LJBF. 

But no, he didn’t do anything, even knowing they would see each other at work. That is just simply weak and lame and impotent on his part. 

He must have some serious demons and hang ups himself. 

Now we know why he hasn’t had a date in 3 years. He is a dud.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

oldshirt said:


> I agree with 99% of your post.
> 
> The part I question however is the assumption that he’s not into her.
> 
> ...


Good points. He's so far expressed he wants to remain friends / not wanting anything more. Sure, that doesn't mean he doesn't feel similarly and instead maybe just not wanting to date. Possible. And who am I to judge on that. Although I kind of will. Or maybe he's not into her. All I'd know is, it's good to let the illusion drop. Intended for OP - rather than wondering whether or not it's about timing or whatever. To me, if you're into each other, you make it known. He's made it known that's not where he's at. You have a rapport buddy at work. End of.

Although I don't like labeling people as a dud or impotent. Yet, not texting her back is something that I don't respect.


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## mrscrm735 (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I agree with 99% of your post.
> 
> The part I question however is the assumption that he’s not into her.
> 
> ...


I had all day to think about it yesterday and am coming to terms with the rejection and that is not a reflection on me. I didn’t see him much at work yesterday, some days we barely see get to see each other at all and other days we work closely together. I did kind of feel like he avoided me yesterday.

After having a day to think, I think you hit the nail on the head with this post. I think you are crazy accurate with everything you said. I know there was something there and I’m not losing it. I just wish he would talk to me as a grown adult. I don’t expect things to change, I know that ship has sailed. However, I don't feel like he shouldn’t get to be a coward and ignore me.

Yesterday, I left work at 4:30, he usually leaves about an hour after me. My coworker who was wingwoman comes in at 3:00 to work nightshift, and she confronted him about how crappy it was that he didn’t text me back. He agreed and said he would. My wingwoman feels the same way you do, and she is pretty convinced he does have feelings for me and is a wuss. I took notice how he never said he does not have feelings for me. If a friend was trying to fix me up with someone I was not interested in romantically, those would be my first words. 

I do not expect him and I will ever be anything other than friends at this point and I accept that. You are correct that he has serious hang-ups. His ex was his high school sweetheart. They were married 9 years and she did him dirty. In some ways, I do not think he is over her. . He has been divorced three years now, and has had no female companionship in that time. I cannot help but wonder why, not so much as a date in three years? He has certainly complained to me about being single and lonely. But he claims women are not interested in him and his self esteem is low. In fact, I did not mention that when my wing woman first told him, his first reaction was denial. The first thing he said to her, was no she does not want me like that. I did not mention that in my last post, cause I did not think it was relevant at the time.

Clearly, he has self esteem issues, so I am not going to let this bring down my self confidence.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

mrscrm735 said:


> He has been divorced three years now, and has had no female companionship in that time.


His wife stomped on him. You say she "did him dirty". So maybe he is reluctant to get back in the saddle, and after not dating for that long, maybe he has come to terms being a bachelor. A lot of widowers have no interest in dating. That doesn't make them weak.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

mrscrm735 said:


> Clearly, he has self esteem issues, so I am not going to let this bring down my self confidence.


Yes. That is the right answer.

Don’t let his demons feed your demons.


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