# Is my husband's friend is gay?



## somany (Feb 5, 2013)

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 5. He has two friends that he talks to on the phone pretty frequently. One friend more frequent than the other. He talks to him about a minimum of 4 times a day. Their average conversation is usually more than 40 minutes. On one occasion, they talked for 75 minutes. The phone calls usually take place while they are both at work. I have a gut feeling my husband's friend may be gay but his friend has a wife and children. I just have a feeling something is not right. Is it normal for guys to talk on the phone for this long on a regular basis. It is because of my gut feeling that I started looking at his phone records online. I confronted him about it once and he just brushed it off. He thought I was joking. I asked him as to what they talked about and he said just stuff. My husband was never really been one to have a password on his phone but he has had one for the past 6 months. I was able to get into his phone one day and I didn't find anything too weird. I found porn pictures that his buddies sent to him and vice versa. I heard this is something guys do. It really bugs me that they talk so much considering the fact that when I call him he seems like he's so busy but yet, he talks to his friend for hours a day not to mention the fact that when my husband comes home from work he plays video games with his friend. They play online against each other and they can talk to each other through some weird headset thing. It fells like he's always talking to this guy. I asked him if his friend is gay and he said no. He wasn't mad or defensive. He hasn't done anything that I would perceive to be signs that he is gay nor has his friend. I'm confused. I don't know what to think. Help.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm trying to figure out why you're worried about your husband's friend's sexuality and not about your husband's behaviour... I'd focus on that, if you're not happy with it.

C


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

The thing about this that does worry me is the amount of time your husband devotes to persutes that do not involve you. Lost of younger people (under 30's) seem to spend alot of their spare time on these multi player role play games and it can be at the expence of real world relationships. 
I do not think it matters if his friend is gay or not, one of the guys in my car club is openly gay and it does not stop me inviting him around to the house when we have a tech day or BBQ he is a nice person who shares a common interest.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Why is his phone password protected, and why don't you have the password?

I agree with above, it's his behaviour that's the issue, if he's acting like he doesn't care about you and spending a lot of time playing video games,that has to change.

It won't change if you get angry and there are no consequences. You need to have a serious talk, tell him you need to be able to trust him, and you both should be open with phones and accounts etc and accountable to each to her.

You also need to spend time on your relationship or you will fall out of love and your relationship will be at risk.

I think you need to see what he's willing to do to keep you around.


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

your husband

based on what you posted

enjoys the comradery of gaming

as well as the vacation from 

you

i suspect

you need attention

and i mean laserbeamfocus

lookatme

attention


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## KeepLoveGrowing (Feb 1, 2013)

My husband is a "gamer" and has the same headset setup and a few friends on there. I go to bed early and he stays up chatting and playing with two specific guys all night. There's nothing "gay" about their relationship. They can talk about the games they play for hours on end. They discuss strategy, goals, all kinds of silly stuff. They text each other ideas for "new builds" of their army during the day. 

I wouldn't be worried about it unless he's giving you a reason to think "gay" other then the regular contact. Either way, I'd be more worried about your husband then his friend..


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## ravioli (Jan 23, 2013)

somany said:


> My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 5. He has two friends that he talks to on the phone pretty frequently. One friend more frequent than the other. He talks to him about a minimum of 4 times a day. Their average conversation is usually more than 40 minutes. On one occasion, they talked for 75 minutes. The phone calls usually take place while they are both at work. I have a gut feeling my husband's friend may be gay but his friend has a wife and children. I just have a feeling something is not right. Is it normal for guys to talk on the phone for this long on a regular basis. It is because of my gut feeling that I started looking at his phone records online. I confronted him about it once and he just brushed it off. He thought I was joking. I asked him as to what they talked about and he said just stuff. My husband was never really been one to have a password on his phone but he has had one for the past 6 months. I was able to get into his phone one day and I didn't find anything too weird. I found porn pictures that his buddies sent to him and vice versa. I heard this is something guys do. It really bugs me that they talk so much considering the fact that when I call him he seems like he's so busy but yet, he talks to his friend for hours a day not to mention the fact that when my husband comes home from work he plays video games with his friend. They play online against each other and they can talk to each other through some weird headset thing. It fells like he's always talking to this guy. I asked him if his friend is gay and he said no. He wasn't mad or defensive. He hasn't done anything that I would perceive to be signs that he is gay nor has his friend. I'm confused. I don't know what to think. Help.


What are the signs that your husband's friends exhibits? Does he talk gay, walk gay? Is his mannerisms gay? 

Your husband could be on the "down low". Men do not need to talk to another man for 160 minutes a day. That is pretty suspect in of itself. Sending porn pictures to another man is weird but I can't say for sure it's gay. What kind of porn is he sending?

I think the question you should ask yourself is your husband gay.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

Sounds like the real issue is he isn't spending quality time with you and he is putting his friend ahead of you. Let him know that quality time is important to you and see if you can schedule some time together.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Right after I got off the phone with a friend I enjoy talking to, my wife came to me sobbing and told me she was hurt that I could talk to my friend for an hour but couldn't bring myself to talk to her for five minutes. The shame I felt because she was right prompted me to rebuild my marriage and reprioritize my decisions. I examined what I liked about talking to him choosing him over my wife and decided to grow up and get serious about loving my wife before all.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

What game does he play? Sounds like it's an online game. My son does the same thing. They talk in the mic of their headphones as they play. Very common. I've done it myself. 

I don't know why it comes down to his friend being gay. THAT puzzles me...:scratchhead:  :wtf:


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## Ellen Steve (Jan 23, 2013)

It sounds like the two are just hanging out. They have been friends for a long time after all, I do hope you realize that everything your husband’s friend does your husband is doing as well. Your suspicions can be confirmed by just checking on your husband’s behavior. He put a code on his phone right? Did he give you a reason. He’s probably just upset because you’ve been checking up on him. I don’t see any reason to think either is gay based on the description of their behavior in your post. I know plenty of people who play video games for hours and give each other hard times or talk a lot of crap. It’s actually kind of fun. I don’t think you need to worry. If you do worry then you might have some other issue brewing between your marriage that you need to find out about.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I use to game online for a few years.

I never spent hours a day during work time speaking to anybody....especially not another dude. After about 5 minutes of discussing sports the conversation is awkwardly over.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

somany said:


> My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 5. He has two friends that he talks to on the phone pretty frequently. One friend more frequent than the other. He talks to him about a minimum of 4 times a day. Their average conversation is usually more than 40 minutes. On one occasion, they talked for 75 minutes. The phone calls usually take place while they are both at work. I have a gut feeling my husband's friend may be gay but his friend has a wife and children. I just have a feeling something is not right. Is it normal for guys to talk on the phone for this long on a regular basis. It is because of my gut feeling that I started looking at his phone records online. I confronted him about it once and he just brushed it off. He thought I was joking. I asked him as to what they talked about and he said just stuff. My husband was never really been one to have a password on his phone but he has had one for the past 6 months. I was able to get into his phone one day and I didn't find anything too weird. I found porn pictures that his buddies sent to him and vice versa. I heard this is something guys do. It really bugs me that they talk so much considering the fact that when I call him he seems like he's so busy but yet, he talks to his friend for hours a day not to mention the fact that when my husband comes home from work he plays video games with his friend. They play online against each other and they can talk to each other through some weird headset thing. It fells like he's always talking to this guy. I asked him if his friend is gay and he said no. He wasn't mad or defensive. He hasn't done anything that I would perceive to be signs that he is gay nor has his friend. I'm confused. I don't know what to think. Help.


4 times a day for 40 minutes while he is at work? So assuming an 8-hr. workday, 160 minutes total on personal calls during a 480 minute workday?

I would be more worried about him getting fired than if his friend his gay.


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