# Men who do housework get less sex, according to study



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Guys Who Do Housework Get Less Sex

Guys Who Do Housework Get Less Sex

It may be gratifying for women to see their husbands loading the dishwasher or folding laundry, but is it sexy? Yes, according to many media stories. “Men: Want More Sex? Do the Laundry” was headline of a 2009 report from CBS News. According to Naomi Wolf, “research has shown that the most erotic thing a man can do for a woman is the dishes.” Sheryl Sandberg, the author of Lean In, agrees. “Nothing is sexier” she says, than a man who wants to do his share of the housework. “It may be counterintuitive,” writes Sandberg, “but the best way for a man to make a pass at his wife is to do the dishes.” Sandberg urges readers to check out a “fabulous little book” called Porn for Women produced by the Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative. It is full of images of hunky guys vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning the kitty litter. 


But now a new study in the American Sociological Review casts doubt on the truth of this happy feminist idyll. Men routinely doing “female” chores appear to have less—not more—sex. According to the authors, Sabino Kornrich (Center for Advanced Studies in the Social Sciences, Madrid), Julie Brines (University of Washington), and Katrina Leupp (University of Washington):


Couples in which men participate more in housework typically done by women report having sex less frequently. Similarly, couples in which men participate more in traditionally masculine tasks—such as yard work, paying bills, and auto maintenance—report higher sexual frequency.


The three researchers looked at data from a nationally representative sample of 4,500 heterosexual married couples from the U.S. National Survey of Families and Households, 1992–1994—the most recent large-scale study measuring household chores, sexual frequency, and marital satisfaction.


Men in the study reported having had sex an average of 5.2 times in the month prior to the survey, while women reported 5.6 times on average. But both men and women in couples with more gender-traditional divisions of household labor reported having had more sex than those with more egalitarian divisions.


In marriages where women performed all the typically female tasks (cleaning, cooking, shopping—called “core work” by the researchers), couples had sex 1.6 times more per month than couples where men carried out all these traditionally female chores. In marriages where men helped out but stuck to stereotypical male tasks (“non-core” work such automobile maintenance, yard work, bill-paying, and snow shoveling), couples had sex 0.7 times more than those where women performed the traditional male tasks. But, as the researchers point out, even in marriages where men did 40 percent of the "female" chores, couples experience "substantially lower sexual frequency than households in which women perform all the core [typically female] chores." Put simply: There appears to be an inverse relationship between husbands doing traditionally female tasks and sexual frequency.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

So the average is 5.2 times/month for guys doing a lot of the "womanly chores" while it's 6.8 times/month for men who do the more traditional "manly chores". To me, the bigger story is why is the average frequency for sex - for both groups - is less than twice/week. Seems low for an average. My guess is the spread is pretty large within each group. If that is the case, then the statistical significance between the control group and the "woman's work" group may not be statistically significant. I didn't read the study yet, so if there is actual data in the link then I'll get my answer...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

This thread has been moved over to The Men's Clubhouse. Please keep discussion "PG" rated.

Since this thread was not asking for help with a problem, it could not stay in the sex forum section.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/2459-sex-section-rules-please-read-first.html


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> So the average is 5.2 times/month for guys doing a lot of the "womanly chores" while it's 6.8 times/month for men who do the more traditional "manly chores". To me, the bigger story is why is the average frequency for sex - for both groups - is less than twice/week. Seems low for an average. My guess is the spread is pretty large within each group. If that is the case, then the statistical significance between the control group and the "woman's work" group may not be statistically significant. I didn't read the study yet, so if there is actual data in the link then I'll get my answer...


Thats pretty close to the national average. If i remember correctly, per a Durex study the average for married couples in the US is just over 100 timer per year.


@OP Its worth consider why the men are doing their share or more of the household chores. Is it because they want to easy the stress of their wife in hopes of getting more time in the bedroom? or could it be because there already is a disconnect in the marriage and the husband is not trying to impress his wife but simply doing the tasks that his wife refuses to do because shes not happy with the marriage?

I am a man and i do the vast majority of household chores, not because i enjoy them, or because it impresses my wife (trust me she doesnt notice), but because i have higher standard than my wife. She doesnt mind letting dishes pile up in the sink or not having any clothes to wear but it bothers me so either i do it or it doesnt get done. Just like it doesnt bother her to go months without having sex, which drives me crazy...

Plus whens the last time someone has been outside doing a "manly" chore like mowing the lawn or changing the oil in your car and you go inside to have your wife jump you with excitement because youre all sweaty and covered in oil? I always get strict orders to go clean up and not touch anything on the way to the shower.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I've seen this report before, but fail to see how this can work in a modern marriage.

Getting lumbered with most of the household chores would undoubtedly lead to resentment (particularly when both parties work - which tends to be the norm, these days). Resentment is hardly an aphrodisiac, and I know this wouldn't fly in my relationship.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

WooHoo!!

I'm blowing off the laundry tonight!!

Thank you!


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I can see why this might be true based off of the typical stereotype. A woman shows her femininity by taking care of the children, doing the household chores, and things most men do not have interest in, and in return the man shows his masculinity by bringing home the bacon and fixing things that women don't have any interest in doing. But again I say, it's just a stereotype.

Based on this, I can agree that if the man starts doing the household chores (say, more than the wife or entirely) then the W will associate this with femininity. Thus seeing her H as a pansy subconsciously....And the H doing the chores might also begin to feel less manly, because he is also associating household chores with woman's work subconsciously.

Now if the woman is working outside the home, and the man has taken on the role as homemaker, I can see where the role change would throw a damper into things. 

My personal opinion separate from this is men have totally different genetics from women. They do not naturally have the ability to be fully nurturing. If a man is as nurturing as a woman, that is rare. Men have testosterone for a reason (like doing heavier work), and women have estrogen for a reason (to be able to bear children and be nurturing). We are meant to have different roles. If we were supposed to be the same, then we would all be able to bear children and do all the same things. Biologically we are not the same, therefore, why should we be expected to do the same kind of work? 

For example...My H always says to me that the women he works with are not able to lift certain things he can lift, or do the same grungy work the men have to do, and they also get all the easier jobs. And the thing is, these women get paid the same wage as my H. 

Either way, my point here is...women and men are biologically different, making them emotionally different as well. When we play with roles the way we are now, we are going to shift things a bit. And in relation to the sex aspect of it all....men need to be able to feel like men, and women need to be able to feel like women in order to be sexually driven towards one another.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Toshiba2020 said:


> Thats pretty close to the national average. If i remember correctly, per a Durex study the average for married couples in the US is just over 100 timer per year.
> 
> 
> @OP Its worth consider why the men are doing their share or more of the household chores. Is it because they want to easy the stress of their wife in hopes of getting more time in the bedroom? or could it be because there already is a disconnect in the marriage and the husband is not trying to impress his wife but simply doing the tasks that his wife refuses to do because shes not happy with the marriage?
> ...


6.8 times a month - over the course of a year is 81 times. And that's the "manly" group. For the "doormat" guys doing the women's work - they are getting laid only 64 times in a year (5.2 times a month, 12 months). 

To put that into perspective, I'm not exactly getting laid constantly in my marriage, but when I run our numbers and project it out for a year, I'm roughly between 135 - 155 times in a year having sex with the wife.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Want to get laid more than six times a month? Simple, don't get married. I've had more trim since my divorce two years ago than in the twenty years before. This is true in spite of my letting my ladies I date know that I'm not looking to get married, again.
Believe me when I say that there is nothing special about my looks, my body nor, thanks to my e and the judge, my bank account.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

hookares said:


> Want to get laid more than six times a month? Simple, don't get married.


That's not a very fair statement. The are plenty of us married folks who "get laid" more than 6 times per month. Also "getting laid" doesn't even compare to what a couple experiences when in love. It takes it to a whole new level! 

I understand that marriage can be lot of hard work, but hard work _usually_ reaps benefits.

Sorry that yours didn't work out.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

T&T said:


> That's not a very fair statement. The are plenty of us married folks who "get laid" more than 6 times per month. Also "getting laid" doesn't even compare to what a couple experiences when in love. It takes it to a whole new level!
> 
> I understand that marriage can be lot of hard work, but hard work _usually_ reaps benefits.
> 
> Sorry that yours didn't work out.


Well I did what I could to supply the things you are mentioning along with actually thinking ours was based on love.
Now I'm trying to balance ordinary living with some of 
what was missing for twenty years in the marriage and am finding that there are many more accommodating women out there than I thought.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

hookares said:


> Well I did what I could to supply the things you are mentioning along with actually thinking ours was based on love.
> Now I'm trying to balance ordinary living with some of
> what was missing for twenty years in the marriage and am finding that there are many more accommodating women out there than I thought.


I'm sure you did. Hey, sometimes things just don't work out. I hope you find "that one" again!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

She doesn't like me doing dishes or laundry. If I start without telling her she goes into a panic and pushes me out of the way.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This study was done in 1994. It's more than a bit out of date. Today 70% of all married women work outside the home.

I rather doubt that a man sitting back and telling her that after she has worked a full time job she has to do all the house work and all the child care is going to get him more sex. It's more likely to get him a lump on the head.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> This study was done in 1994. It's more than a bit out of date. Today 70% of all married women work outside the home.
> 
> I rather doubt that a man sitting back and telling her that after she has worked a full time job she has to do all the house work and all the child care is going to get him more sex.* It's more likely to get him a lump on the head.*


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> This study was done in 1994. It's more than a bit out of date. Today 70% of all married women work outside the home.
> 
> I rather doubt that a man sitting back and telling her that after she has worked a full time job she has to do all the house work and all the child care is going to get him more sex. It's more likely to get him a lump on the head.


:iagree:

I don't get the theory behind this study either, because the more my SO does to help me the more I realize how lucky I am to have him in my life.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Based on the summary by the OP, this survey takes a lot of things for granted, like the idea that men do their own car maintenance -or- their female spouse must be doing it. There has to be a reason Mieneke is in business, so I'm wondering in the younger generations how many men actually do their own car work? Hell, if you live in a major metro city do you even have a car to maintain? If you take the subway, are you less masculine?

And if you don't have a yard (you live in an inner city) and don't do your own shoveling (live in an apartment or condo) does that mean the male spouse would have no chores?

We rent and don't have a lawn, we don't do our own shoveling. Our car goes to the mechanic. H does do the bill paying, so I guess that's in his favor.  But - he helps with the dishes or to fold the laundry, and we have sex much more than 5 times a month - so .... I guess this much be a YMMV kind of thing.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> This study was done in 1994. It's more than a bit out of date. Today 70% of all married women work outside the home.


I was around in 1994, back then only 69% of all married women worked outside the home.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I don't get the theory behind this study either, because the more my SO does to help me the more I realize how lucky I am to have him in my life.


This.:iagree:

I love our arrangement.I cook,he cleans up.I do laundry while he does the floors and dusts,I clean the bathroom and he brushes the dogs.
It's even sexier when he does the dishes in the nude...sudsy hands and forearms,round soccer player's bootie shaking to the music playing...OMG. AND a clean kitchen when he's finished. I'd like to pull up a lawn chair,sip a martini and watch him work.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I think this has more to do with beta-ization than house cleaning.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

I think that a man that has no problem pulling his own weight & acting grown, without waiting for the woman to tell him what to do, is golden..sexy as hell. 

Women do not want to HAVE to tell the guy to clean up their messes, help with laundry, etc..makes us feel motherly toward the guy & that's a passion killer for sure. 

So I think everyone, men & women should be helping out because they all contribute to the messes & such. Taking responsibility & taking care of things has nothing to do with lack of sex & everything 

to do with being responsible & taking the initiative, and that's Hot! 

However, if my guy lets me walk all over him & does way more than his share because I'm bullying him & being an unfair princess b****, then yes, the following housework he does will not be properly 

appreciated. But my guy is solid, he does whatever needs to be done within reason & that's awesome. Plus, I'm less exhausted & want to show him my appreciation for being the man that he is. 

With the right dynamic in the relationship, housework is a way of taking care of each other & is appreciated..has zero to do with lack of sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

*sorry about the odd spacing! ^
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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