# I need some input from the good people of the forum



## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

I am, as they say, asking for a friend, only this time it's actually true.

So, a close friend of mine has been going through a really rough patch with her husband. At the moment, he isn't sure if he wants to stay married to her and they have been separated for 9 months now. She loves her husband. I've known her since childhood, and the two of them are high school sweethearts. There was also many misunderstandings and loads of hurt feelings between the two of them in the past few years but I don't think she expected him to ask for a separation. He says they are working things through, she thinks he's already checked out of the marriage.

Also, her mum was diagnosed with cancer last year and her family overall aren't nice people and especially not to her and her relationship with them was always difficult.

So she has a lot on her plate right now and this is where this problematic friendship she has developed online comes in.

She was quite devastated with her husband's midlife crisis or whatever he is going through that made him say stuff like he isn't sure he wants to stay married and he needs time to think things over. No matter how hard she tries to be there for her mum so they would fight cancer together and if worst comes to worst part on good terms, her mum finds a way to break her heart yet again...etc

I try to be there for her as much as I can but I am currently abroad myself taking care of my ailing family members. I had my own personal and work issues in the past year and all in all I have perhaps not been there for her as much as I could have. I'm trying to fix that.

She met this American man online and they started skyping on regular basis. This man is married. He was looking for a sexual thing online and she was looking for someone to talk to, a friend. He first agreed to be friends and then apparently she thought he reminded her of the husband and she ended up in some weird relationship with him in which there were sexting and sexual stuff. Don't ask. Weird, weird stuff.

All I know is that my friends is a very feminine, giving woman. Her husband and their children have been her life. She was a stay at home mum and a homemaker. Her kids are 20 and 18 and both moved out and now with the husband taking his time on his strange walkabout... She must've found herself some odd virtual replacement for a husband.

Now this guy, he is really something. This guy would call her three times a day. When he is driving to work, driving home from work and on his lunch break. She would spend at least 2h 45 min of her day talking or video calling with this guy, often 3 hours 45 min -- if his drive home took 2 hours. When he would be home alone cos his wife with severe RA was busy with their grandkids he would call her for additional two-three-four hours during which she would also sexually perform for this man because "she didn't think she should deny him the pleasure even though she thinks virtual sex affairs are silly".

In the 6 months they've been talking, she ended up, pretty much, organising her day around this guy and when he can call her behind his wife's back. In her own words, he is off 3 times a week and then he will call very briefly if he can or not at all.

I don't know this man but I know what she told me and that's that he has no problem online cheating on his severely ill wife. He seems very uncomfortable with emotions and when my friend is having a bad day and is complaining he starts yawning or complains about the traffic. He is unreliable and keeps missing work a lot and thus doesn't call when he is supposed to. He seems to be one of those "good guys". They are very understanding and sure it's OK as long as her cat isn't dying and her mother didn't hurt her feelings and she isn't crying during their morning and their lunch call to which he says, come on let's laugh. He is the type of person that will say "relax" to an upset person.

In contrast, her husband isn't a "nice guy". He was an amazing guy. Passionate, reliable, loving, doesn't mess with people and you don't mess with him. This limbo he put her in, well it doesn't look good and it really isn't like him to not know if he wants something or not...On the other hand, she was probably the only person he has ever been with and maybe he is having a crisis and will be back.

She has since a few weeks ago told her online "boyfriend" that "she was looking for her husband in him" and she doesn't want an online relationship and she would like to be friends and he accepted that. In my friend's own words, he might be hoping to get things the way they were, soon enough, as he has already tried flirting and telling her how beautiful and sexy she is.)

She is all over the place emotionally and that's reflected in how she feels about this guy. One day she tells me she won't talk to him again, that she is horrified with the way he is sneaking behind his wives' back. Then it's back to she needs someone to want her and both he and his wife are being terrible spouses in their own way. Then she says she shouldn't impose this demotion on him and it's better to cut all contact and then she doesn't. She has complained about how he just expects her to be at his back and call and organise her day around him. How he really wants a virtual mistress always happy and frisky and looks annoyed if she cries or complains...

Apparently, she had stopped being in touch with this guy twice for a few days but then she just goes right back to it.

I have tried judging this guy. Supporting her if she wants to stay in touch. Telling her to cut him out.

The thing is, I don't know what to think of all this. My friend will say stuff like once Mr my friend comes to his senses she will painlessly stop being in touch with her friend and in the meantime, she would be too lonely.

I think she is a very giving person wasting time with this selfish guy who has no qualms about having an online affair behind his wife's back. This simply isn't the company she would ordinarily keep. She is simply vulnerable and in shock.

On the other hand, and especially if her husband will leave her, what if this shmo is exactly what she needs as some bizarre rebound before she can move on to a quality man?

Any input is really appreciated.

Also, men, does he really get something out of the online sex games? Seems like such a strange way to betray one's spouse or to have almost kind of sex.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I think she is a very giving person wasting time with this selfish guy who has no qualms about having an online affair behind his wife's back. This simply isn't the company she would ordinarily keep. She is simply vulnerable and in shock.


Regardless of her emotional state or motivation(s), she is cheating on her husband. She may be a "very giving person" but she's giving her time and emotions to another man. That spells "crappy person" in my book. I'd suggest you stop blaming the other man for this state of affairs. After all, your friend is a willing participant in this mess.

As for your friend's husband, he may be taking a time-out to find himself because he's already involved with someone else. Sounds to me like this marriage is toast.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, he is a cheater and YOUR FRIEND is helping him (and is also a cheater). What does that say about a) HER own morals, and b) HER view of marriage?

If her husband asked for a separation, what do you think if she spent those 2.5 hours per day working on HER marriage instead of helping to ruin the other marriage? She won't ever get anything from him -- he doesn't care about her, he likes the fact that she is playing with herself and he gets to watch -- she is his own FREE Camgirl. No cost, no worries for him, and NO ATTACHMENT. This is guy is no good and needs to go -- PERIOD. No more contact.

What does she think her H would say if he found out about the sexting, video shows, etc.? I bet that separation would soon turn to DIVORCE.

Is the H out dating other women during this time? Did they both have that discussion -- while separated they could see/date others?

If the separation has been 9 months, what is SHE waiting for? SHE has to make her own decisions and not sit around waiting to see what the H is going. Are they going to marriage counseling? Is HE working on the marriage issues with her at all? If NOT, then she needs to start thinking about her own life (and not just sitting around waiting for the video guy to call). Start making plans for HER next phase of life (and being a free cam girl should NOT be in it AT ALL).


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> Regardless of her emotional state or motivation(s), she is cheating on her husband. She may be a "very giving person" but she's giving her time and emotions to another man. That spells "crappy person" in my book. I'd suggest you stop blaming the other man for this state of affairs. After all, your friend is a willing participant in this mess.
> 
> As for your friend's husband, he may be taking a time-out to find himself because he's already involved with someone else. Sounds to me like this marriage is toast.


Their marriage might well be over both of us are still hoping not. The question I face is, tolerate her weird cam girl relationship as some sort of bizarre rebound or


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> So, he is a cheater and YOUR FRIEND is helping him (and is also a cheater). What does that say about a) HER own morals, and b) HER view of marriage?
> 
> If her husband asked for a separation, what do you think if she spent those 2.5 hours per day working on HER marriage instead of helping to ruin the other marriage? She won't ever get anything from him -- he doesn't care about her, he likes the fact that she is playing with herself and he gets to watch -- she is his own FREE Camgirl. No cost, no worries for him, and NO ATTACHMENT. This is guy is no good and needs to go -- PERIOD. No more contact.
> 
> ...


 Well, I would argue her husband forfeited his right to her faithfulness and the right to be in the know when it comes to her potential strange sexcapades when he decided he is unsure if he still wants her and left his empty nester wife all alone in a very painful limbo for 9 long months and counting. Believe it or not, she knows her online friend isn't a keeper, she says so often herself, and that she is his fun pastime. When I pushed her on the helping him cheat part she replied that his marriage was his to sort out and decisions to make (to stop seeking her out) and that she was tired of doing the right thing at her own expense. That he was helping her cope and she has no intention of trying to save his marriage from his own decisions. It kind of made sense to me at the time. I'm obviously not convinced or I wouldn't be asking here for impartial opinions.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He’s not going to stop seeking her out. Why would he when he’s got a free cam girl?


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

missus_ashleigh said:


> Their marriage might well be over both of us are still hoping not. The question I face is, tolerate her weird cam girl relationship as some sort of bizarre rebound or





Openminded said:


> He’s not going to stop seeking her out. Why would he when he’s got a free cam girl?


I do feel you two are a bit too hung up on the sex show part of the post. Would you want my friend to charge for it? Perhaps you two think you are being witty when in fact calling her a cam girl is like calling a woman who has sex free of charge a free prostitute. So, you think you are witty but you are being rather nonsensical.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I do feel you two are a bit too hung up on the sex show part of the post. Would you want my friend to charge for it? Perhaps you two think you are being witty when in fact calling her a cam girl is like calling a woman who has sex free of charge a free prostitute. So, you think you are witty but you are being rather nonsensical.


You friend is married so she shouldn’t even be doing it. She should leave her marriage and then she is free to do what she wants.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

missus_ashleigh said:


> Well, I would argue her husband forfeited his right to her faithfulness and the right to be in the know when it comes to her potential strange sexcapades when he decided he is unsure if he still wants her and left his empty nester wife all alone in a very painful limbo for 9 long months and counting. Believe it or not, she knows her online friend isn't a keeper, she says so often herself, and that she is his fun pastime. When I pushed her on the helping him cheat part she replied that his marriage was his to sort out and decisions to make (to stop seeking her out) and that she was tired of doing the right thing at her own expense. That he was helping her cope and she has no intention of trying to save his marriage from his own decisions. It kind of made sense to me at the time. I'm obviously not convinced or I wouldn't be asking here for impartial opinions.


So you can argue that, but that doesn't change the fact that they are STILL MARRIED. 
IF they talked and OK'd them seeing others during the separation then that is between them, but if not, cheating.


Also, she is leaving herself in limbo -- SHE needs to be more pro-active instead of just waiting around for the H. If he isn't working towards getting back together, then that tells her all she needs. Get HER plan together, see the lawyers, etc.. When divorced, she can bang whoever she wants free of guilt.

HER attitiude about that other guy's marriage -- VERY telling about her own morals/marriage.
WHY would she keep this other POS around? He has flat out ignored all of her emotional needs. IF she just wants to get herself off in front of him (after divorce) that's a different story, but she WANTS this guy to care -- she WANTS him to be a step-in replacement for her husband, and he's not even close.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> So you can argue that, but that doesn't change the fact that they are STILL MARRIED.
> IF they talked and OK'd them seeing others during the separation then that is between them, but if not, cheating.
> 
> 
> ...


So, your vote is a firm, the guy has to go? Thank you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I feel you are trying to "romanticize" her relationship with this guy...he's a creep and has done nothing but damage this marriage and if your friend thinks otherwise then she is in an affair fog and is further damaging her marriage...i can't speak for the husband because i don't know what he is doing but at this point unless both of them are willing to face their own truths and accountability in the demise of their relationship how can they begin to fix anything. Your friend has to ask is this creep worth losing her relationship with husband ?


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> I feel you are trying to "romanticize" her relationship with this guy...he's a creep and has done nothing but damage this marriage and if your friend thinks otherwise then she is in an affair fog and is further damaging her marriage...i can't speak for the husband because i don't know what he is doing but at this point unless both of them are willing to face their own truths and accountability in the demise of their relationship how can they begin to fix anything. Your friend has to ask is this creep worth losing her relationship with husband ?


I assure you I see nothing romantic in her strange fling. I'm just not sure how firm I need to be with her. I don't blame him either for anything in my friend's marriage. I also do not think very highly of him and in a way neither does she. In a way, I feel guilty. Her younger son moved out last year, her husband decided he is maritally confused and I am on the other side of Europe. She really is all alone. No wonder she found herself a creepy faux friend.

Thank you very much for your input.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

missus_ashleigh said:


> he question I face is, tolerate her weird cam girl relationship as some sort of bizarre rebound


Okay. To begin with, it's entirely up to you as to how tolerant you want to be towards your friend. Me? I don't hang out with cheaters, regardless of friendship. Although your friend may have found herself alone after her husband walked, it doesn't justify this affair. 

If her husband returns, does she plan to be totally honest with him about her dalliance? Just my guess, but I don't think he's coming back. Chances are good he's already in some sort of relationship with another woman. But whether or not he is messing around, that doesn't give her a free pass to cheat as well.

Bottom line: If I had a friend like this, I would tell her in no uncertain terms that this isn't the right way to move on from a marriage. First seek a divorce. Then she can do whatever she wants. And, as I said before, this marriage is basically kaput.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I do feel you two are a bit too hung up on the sex show part of the post. Would you want my friend to charge for it? Perhaps you two think you are being witty when in fact calling her a cam girl is like calling a woman who has sex free of charge a free prostitute. So, you think you are witty but you are being rather nonsensical.


Sorry to burst your bubble but most WW are in fact free prostitutes. Trading wanton sex for empty platitudes.

You should be strongly discouraging your friend from lowering herself to such a debased level. Tell her to have some dignity for herself, if not for her kids. What if this dude is recording their sessions to post on some amateur porn site? Can you imagine the horror if her kids ran into a video of their mother? 

As an empty nester, there will be plenty of men who would love to properly date her, if she’s divorced. She doesn’t have to debase herself for male attention. Besides, Interfering in the OM’s marriage is wrong. How would you like if your husband had some side chick sending him such videos? Exactly.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I do feel you two are a bit too hung up on the sex show part of the post. Would you want my friend to charge for it? Perhaps you two think you are being witty when in fact calling her a cam girl is like calling a woman who has sex free of charge a free prostitute. So, you think you are witty but you are being rather nonsensical.


Why did you quote yourself?

As to what I meant, there’s nothing witty about it. As I see it, she’s basically a free cam girl and that’s likely (IMO) how he sees her as well since he keeps turning the topic back to sex. That’s her primary purpose to him so no surprise there. This is only about sex as far as he’s concerned and it’s very unlikely that he thinks of it as more. But if she’s okay with it then why do you see it as a problem?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I assure you I see nothing romantic in her strange fling. *I'm just not sure how firm I need to be with her. *I don't blame him either for anything in my friend's marriage. I also do not think any higher of him and in a way neither does she. In a way, I feel guilty. Her younger son moved out last year, her husband decided he is maritally confused and I am on the other side of Europe. She really is all alone. No wonder she found herself a creepy faux friend.
> 
> Thank you very much for your input.


Ultimately, no matter how FIRM you are, you CANNOT change her mind on anything. SHE is going to do what she wants.
If she is all alone, doesn't she have family or other friends? If not, she should get out and meet people.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I think the oddest character in this circus of misfits is YOU. There is an old saying where I come from that goes, "don't wrestle with a pig because you will get all muddy and stinky and the pig will enjoy it." 

All of these people have hardships and despair in their lives and are trying to etch out some semblance of human connection and enjoyment regardless of how dysfunctional. 

But you are the one making long, detailed posts about it and you are the one that is obviously indulging in long, juicy discussions with your friend about it. 

Ergo, you are the one getting enjoyment, intrigue and titillation out of it. 

Your friend is kind of a train wreck, but we're all train wrecks in our own messed up way. She knows what she's doing is dysfunctional. she knows its quasi adulterous. She knows her marriage is in shambles. She knows this online character is just fantasy man in her own that is stroking her ego while she gives him free porn to spank to while he's in the bathroom with the water running in the sink. 

He knows he's just a creeper schmoozing some lonely heart for booby pictures for his spank bank. 

They both know they're kind of acting pathetic and desperate. But they're lonely and bored and dreaming of greener pastures that they both know they'll probably never graze in. 

But you are the one that is getting off on it the most. They're sad and know they're acting pathetic. But you're dig'n it. You're living vicariously through them and being titillated by it all and then going back the next day to probe her for more of the story and she is getting some kind of weird ego stroke by bragging it to you. 

If you didn't want to be involved with this, you'd simply say that it is none of your business and that you didn't want to be involved in her drama and issues and you'd change the subject to something else or simply not discuss it with her. 

My recommendation is to blow the dust out of your own vagina and get out and live your own life so that her online fantasy world and broken marriage doesn't fascinate and titillate you so much. It's a lot easier to mind your own business when your own life is rich and full. 

Get out and have your own life so other people's messed up life isn't so interesting to you.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

It depends on what her and her husband have agreed to. It sounds like they separated to work out what each wants to do. But make no mistake - whether her husband is confused or not, she is definitely cheating and not only is she betraying her husband and family, she is also assisting in causing harm to the other betrayed spouse who is ill. This does not say that she is a good person in any light and it sounds like you are sort of trying to justify her actions by "wondering if this is what she needs"!!!!

She should clarify with her husband if it is OK to see other people and if he agrees then still she should not seek out married men!

The best that you can do for her is make her understand that what she is doing is very wrong on many levels.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your friend's marriage is in trouble and the first thing she does is go out and have an emotional/sexual affair with someone else. Who is she to judge anyone, and you as her friend are not better. Maybe her marriage is in a mess because of her flawed character? She must cut all ties with this OM who is obviously only using her to get his rocks off.
Then she must confront her husband ask him to either s*** or get off the potty.
She must seek the services of a lawyer and start getting her ducks in a row, go and seek IC for herself and start planning her own future inside or outside the marriage (after a divorce).
She is creating an even bigger mess with her cheating>

What happened between her and the husband? Is he cheating on her? Better she focus on that instead.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

jsmart said:


> Sorry to burst your bubble but most WW are in fact free prostitutes. Trading wanton sex for empty platitudes.
> 
> You should be strongly discouraging your friend from lowering herself to such a debased level. Tell her to have some dignity for herself, if not for her kids. What if this dude is recording their sessions to post on some amateur porn site? Can you imagine the horror if her kids ran into a video of their mother?
> 
> As an empty nester, there will be plenty of men who would love to properly date her, if she’s divorced. She doesn’t have to debase herself for male attention. Besides, Interfering in the OM’s marriage is wrong. How would you like if your husband had some side chick sending him such videos? Exactly.


What does WW stand for?

I did discuss the possibility of these things leaking, on purpose or accidentally with her. She isn't worried about that. I don't know the extent of the debauchery that went on but she seems not worried about itit. 

My friend isn't after this man's empty platitudes. In her own words, she most uncomfortable with her friendship/affair when the man starts saying romantic and loving things to her because she thinks he, in his own way, has just found a way to have an affair without really having one and he's confusing some sort of infatuation with some imaginary woman he dreamt up with his supposed infatuation with her.

I think I failed to communicate properly how much she doesn't want him to fall in love with her. Again, she doesn't think of him very highly as a partner. She is using him in her own way. Her words not mine.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

Mr. Nail said:


> Advice for Ashleigh: you ask how firm you should be, what advice you should give. Well in your situation, Facing down a pair of mad hatters (betrayed spouse who is also involved in an affair). I usually step back slowly and get away before they know you are leaving. Since I know you are not going to do that, because you see yourself as an important part of your friends support structure, then my advice is that you love the sinner and condemn the sin. For example: That man is just going to use you and leave. For example: If your goal is to bring your husband back, you should focus your energy on him. You can still support your friend without accepting the voyeur in any way.


Oh, believe me, we tried. My husband and I. Things are worse than I initially explained. She is my childhood friend and her husband is my brother in law. We were all shocked by the extent of the problems they are having and my husband and I also tried not to get involved because well, as you pointed out, mad, mad stuff. I feel guilty now over choosing what was easier for the hubby and me and not being there for her more.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> I think the oddest character in this circus of misfits is YOU. There is an old saying where I come from that goes, "don't wrestle with a pig because you will get all muddy and stinky and the pig will enjoy it."
> 
> All of these people have hardships and despair in their lives and are trying to etch out some semblance of human connection and enjoyment regardless of how dysfunctional.
> 
> ...


You got my friends motivations and thinking right. You also got me completely wrong. This place is here for people to write long posts about their problems. This is my problem. My friend is emotionally all over the place and sometimes she cannot decide if her friendship, as pathetic as it is with all its flaws, is worth continuing it.

She struggles with things like, she is helping him be a man who is OK with going behind his wife's back. With things like, is it OK to demote a man from a lover to a friend and keep him around in a capacity that, at least theoretically, fits her needs that he is agreeing to only cos he has no other choice. When she struggles with things like these she comes to me for advice. I am just trying to help her when she asks me for help. I also don't know how to help her. I would want to be supportive but not supportive at any cost.

I am not the person fascinated with the sexual bit. If you read the thread carefully I criticised the people who got very hung up on it.

I really don't know what made you read into anything I've said my "fascination" with the sex part of her situation or that I'm getting "enjoyment, intrigue and titillation out of it"?

You've described their affair quite well and I think the sex bit is the least potentially harmful thing she is doing. I worry more about the fact that she is spending at least 3 hours a day, 4 times a week with a man who, only he knows why, is OK with sneaking around and lying to his wife, when she could be using that time in better ways. I worry that they did become some bizarre sort of friends and the whole thing has no future so she will have to give him up eventually. Her idea is when her husband realises he was wrong to treat their marriage and her this way and comes back she will give up her friend easily. I am worried about what happens if he doesn't come back and she isn't meeting any new people because this online thing eats up so much of her time. You have to also understand that with the covid-19 measures people aren't doing much of meeting up, meeting new people and dating, right now. Which I feel is making her situation even worse. 

-But then she could be having an online friendship with a single man, that might then translate into something with a future.
-But then she is in no way ready to give up on her marriage and even if she will have to be, this might be a strange but welcome rebound thing.

People here have asked me whether her husband is seeing anyone. She thinks he isn't. We all think he probably is. I see no other reason why he would act this way. He must be infatuated with someone else and is now exploring that option. She says that there's no third person. Apparently, something happened between them and he handled it poorly (her husband) and being with her now reminds him of it. She doesn't want to say what. She told me and my husband separately, that she isn't willing to discuss why her husband is acting this way but we shouldn't be angry with him and she is convinced there is no third person and that eventually he will be back she just doesn't know when.

This was exactly why my husband and I decided to stay out of their problems and marriage problems. They made it known it wasn't our business to know. She has been great about not asking me to get involved in her marital issues, really, it's just this friendship that she came to me with.

With things that you mentioned yourself, like, is it borderline adultery? Should she use her time in a more productive way? Is it OK that for once she doesn't care to do the right thing?

I am glad she came to me with something because the problems in her marriage and both hers and my unwillingness for my husband and me to get involved in it were driving the two of us apart. I feel like my friend is back. 

Your whole theory about my fascination and living vicariously is completely off, though. I really don't know what made you say the things you said?


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

manfromlamancha said:


> It depends on what her and her husband have agreed to. It sounds like they separated to work out what each wants to do. But make no mistake - whether her husband is confused or not, she is definitely cheating and not only is she betraying her husband and family, she is also assisting in causing harm to the other betrayed spouse who is ill. This does not say that she is a good person in any light and it sounds like you are sort of trying to justify her actions by "wondering if this is what she needs"!!!!
> 
> She should clarify with her husband if it is OK to see other people and if he agrees then still she should not seek out married men!
> 
> The best that you can do for her is make her understand that what she is doing is very wrong on many levels.


Last I heard, the sexual part of her affair is over. She is also trying to scale down the number of hours they spend together. Thank you for your input. I don't know what her husband and she agreed on. We are completely in the dark as to what is going on with their marriage and the whole family was shocked when he moved out, and at a time couples are moving in together sooner than they would've initially because of the pandemic situation. When I asked her if she feels like she's cheating, she said the affair is helping her cope. 

I'm not trying to defend her at all but she isn't someone who would ever be in a chat room if her husband stayed where he belongs, with her. I cannot nor do I blame her for being all over the place or doing this after the way her husband abandoned her in a very unnerving limbo. I also, in my friend's own words, don't know the reasons for her husband's behaviour so I mostly try not to have any opinions on what he is doing.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

aine said:


> Your friend's marriage is in trouble and the first thing she does is go out and have an emotional/sexual affair with someone else. Who is she to judge anyone, and you as her friend are not better. Maybe her marriage is in a mess because of her flawed character? She must cut all ties with this OM who is obviously only using her to get his rocks off.
> Then she must confront her husband ask him to either s*** or get off the potty.
> She must seek the services of a lawyer and start getting her ducks in a row, go and seek IC for herself and start planning her own future inside or outside the marriage (after a divorce).
> She is creating an even bigger mess with her cheating>
> ...


Who is my friend judging, though? The only judgmental person between the two of us here is you. Which is OK. I asked for everyone's input and this is yours. My friends is just trying to decern if her friendship is worth investing emotionally in or not and at a time when she is very vulnerable emotionally. She isn't judgemental about her friends at all and in many ways, she is very fond of him.

I find it interesting that so many people here have very strong and, as you put it yourself, judgemental opinions on the fact she has had some pathetic but harmless online sexting thing and none of you even registered that her mum is ill or her difficult relationship with her ill mum.

Again, perfectly OK. If I ask for input I should and will get all sorts of input, I just find it interesting.

I am, though, beginning to think that there is a number of self-righteous people on this forum whose motivations for being here are to virtue signal their own perceived uber morality and not really to help a real, and therefore flawed, asker with their genuine problem.

Edit: I went back to see where she was judgmental of her friend. If you are referring to when I said that she didn't think very highly of him as a potential partner...This wasn't her being judgemental of him just sane and aware of his flaws. The man is choosing to not separate from his wife, sneak around and lie by omission. He also is unreliable as a provider and a husband. She didn't report this to me in a superior way. She was explaining why sometimes she feels he might be the kind of company she didn't want to keep. But then she would state his virtues. Like, apparently, he is the only person who she confided in about the actual problems in her marriage and he was very accepting and non-judgemental and she finds that very valuable...He is the only person she knows who doesn't feel sorry for her when she states that her husband will be back. Her words. He leaves them the benefit of the doubt that the rest of us don't.

It's just that sometimes we both think that this man doesn't care enough to judge her marriage situation. He might be looking for a distraction from his own life and that makes him seem to her like a very accepting and understanding man when all the while he just doesn't care enough to have any strong opinions.

This man has good sides to him. I just don't focus on them cos, well when he is being good for my friend, when she perceives him as that, she doesn't share it. She comes to me with problems and doubts but he isn't entirely beyond redemption just because any sane person will've noticed fidelity and honestly aren't at the top of his priorities in his own marriage.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I do feel you two are a bit too hung up on the sex show part of the post. Would you want my friend to charge for it? Perhaps you two think you are being witty when in fact calling her a cam girl is like calling a woman who has sex free of charge a free prostitute. So, you think you are witty but you are being rather nonsensical.


What would you call her, hmmm?

The way a poster casts doubt on their posts being truthful is to start baiting comments towards folks offering honest responses.

Are you sure this is fir a friend, or are you looking for your own validation in this circumstance?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

jsmart said:


> Sorry to burst your bubble but most WW are in fact free prostitutes. Trading wanton sex for empty platitudes.
> 
> You should be strongly discouraging your friend from lowering herself to such a debased level. Tell her to have some dignity for herself, if not for her kids. What if this dude is recording their sessions to post on some amateur porn site? Can you imagine the horror if her kids ran into a video of their mother?
> 
> As an empty nester, there will be plenty of men who would love to properly date her, if she’s divorced. She doesn’t have to debase herself for male attention. Besides, Interfering in the OM’s marriage is wrong. How would you like if your husband had some side chick sending him such videos? Exactly.


The guy is definitely recording the sessions. No doubt already on the net somewhere.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In short, after a 9 month separation, your M is over, time to financially and emotionally protect yourself and move on.

What two adults do over the net is their business as long as they're ready to deal with any resulting repercussions. 

To form a rw attachment to a guy you're having video sex with is mostly ludicrous. 

If he's doing it with you he's doing it with others he's set up and groomed, too.

He's hit on giving out his reasons just right, to invoke sympathy, empathy, and justification for a woman to play with her hoo-ha for him, almost as a being a caring person, reason for her she can live with fooling herself. 

Besides entertainment for both parties nothing can be taken as an important potential relationship encounter.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

missus_ashleigh said:


> Last I heard, the sexual part of her affair is over. She is also trying to scale down the number of hours they spend together. Thank you for your input. I don't know what her husband and she agreed on. We are completely in the dark as to what is going on with their marriage and the whole family was shocked when he moved out, and at a time couples are moving in together sooner than they would've initially because of the pandemic situation. When I asked her if she feels like she's cheating, she said the affair is helping her cope.
> 
> I'm not trying to defend her at all but she isn't someone who would ever be in a chat room if her husband stayed where he belongs, with her. I cannot nor do I blame her for being all over the place or doing this after the way her husband abandoned her in a very unnerving limbo. I also, in my friend's own words, don't know the reasons for her husband's behaviour so I mostly try not to have any opinions on what he is doing.



OK to help *you* understand what *you* are saying:

_*"I'm not trying to defend her at all but she isn't someone who would ever be in a chat room if her husband stayed where he belongs, with her."*_

So wrong!!!! You are trying to defend her!!! She shouldn't be in a chat room while married!! Period!!

_*"I cannot nor do I blame her for being all over the place or doing this after the way her husband abandoned her in a very unnerving limbo."*_

Again, wow!!! And you say you are not defending her!?!?!? She should not be doing this until she is divorced or they have agreed to divorce!

_*"When I asked her if she feels like she's cheating, she said the affair is helping her cope."*_

You should have called BS on this one! Your response should have said the affair is killing your marriage further. You need to divorce and focus on healing yourself. This is simply pure and lusty self-indulgence and you are trying to justify your immoral and bad behaviour by saying it is helping you cope. It's not. It's making things worse and making you a worse person!

Again, like I said before - she is simply behaving badly. If you saw her hitting a dog or stealing, you would tell her that it was wrong and bad behaviour - whether she was having marital problems or not!


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> What would you call her, hmmm?
> 
> The way a poster casts doubt on their posts being truthful is to start baiting comments towards folks offering honest responses.
> 
> Are you sure this is fir a friend, or are you looking for your own validation in this circumstance?


And what are you looking for when overposting your outlandish theories about me and the guy my friend's been intimate with? Whatever a person like you might be looking for, you won't find it with me.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

manfromlamancha said:


> OK to help *you* understand what *you* are saying:
> 
> _*"I'm not trying to defend her at all but she isn't someone who would ever be in a chat room if her husband stayed where he belongs, with her."*_
> 
> ...


I feel like you would rather be right than help. Other than that I got your point. I should let her have it regarding this whole ordeal.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

missus_ashleigh said:


> And what are you looking for when overposting your outlandish theories about me and the guy my friend's been intimate with? Whatever a person like you might be looking for, you won't find it with me.


OP,

Apparently you only want to hear what validates your opinion on which way you think this whole thing should go.

Again with comments not providing additional information or thoughts on resolutions.

So, I wish you well. Carry on the way you want to. You'd be wise to take seriously some of the responses that experienced posters tried to share.

Best wishes.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

There are bits of evidence BS may need to be called on this thread. Or maybe not, perhaps it's truly an OP that thrives on responding defensively to any contradictory comments.

I'm tapping out.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your friends husband abandoned her.
The fact that she is officially married is technically correct, only.

And, such that...

Rat-a-tat.

She is free to do what she wants.


This other man has a wife at home, he is the cheater.

She needs to get a divorce and find a real man, not a virtual one.

Vulnerable people do irrational things.

People need love and comfort. That can make them vulnerable from other lonely people, and also from predators


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Does your friend think her husband will recommit to the marriage if he finds out about her shenanigans? Is what she is doing conducive to saving her marriage?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

missus_ashleigh said:


> What does WW stand for?
> 
> I did discuss the possibility of these things leaking, on purpose or accidentally with her. She isn't worried about that. I don't know the extent of the debauchery that went on but she seems not worried about itit.
> 
> ...


Come on Ash. The platitudes I’m talking about are this married dude telling your married friend how hot she is. How turned on he is for her. Her hearing and seeing his reaction to her debauchery. Those are what she’s virtually trading her body for.

We on on TAM are far from prudes. If she were camming with her husband, to try to entice him back home, everyone would be fine with that. But exposing herself for some married dude that she does NOT know is interfering in some other woman’s marriage.

Put yourself in that other woman’s shoes. Would you be hurt if you found out your husband was sexually communicating and jerking off to a live video with another woman? That husband is probably not paying much attention to his wife and family because he’s getting addicted to seeing very graphic videos of your married friend. A friend who’s the mother of your nephew-in-laws. 

You need to step up your efforts to get her to stop and your husband needs to reach out to his brother to shake him awake.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

@missus_ashleigh 

Here are some things you need to be asking yourself -

You have spent considerable time and energy on this forum seeking advice and input about this situation..... how much time and energy has SHE spent on relationship forums seeking advice and input for her own issues?

how has she tried to reconnect with her husband and tried to effectively communicate with him and negotiate with him to reestablish their marriage?

As a poster noted above, how many late night emails and sex chats and videos of her playing with her lady bits has she sent to her H?

Has she considered NOT contacting or txting this other guy or blocking his emails and txts etc. Seems like all one would have to do to stop an electronic communication is simply open the message and I know my phone and email etc have a block feature where you simply tap on the icon and that person is blocked from sending you things. 

Has she sought any kind of professional marital counseling/therapy or any kind of individual counseling from an actual board certified professional rather than relying on a friend who then spends her time and energies on internet forums?

Has she done any real soul searching to take accountability for her actions and her own marriage and taken any steps to correct things that she might be doing that is a detriment to her marriage and relationship, ie an online affair with another man. 

How much responsibility and accountability is SHE taking to pull her head out of her backside and get herself straightened up? 

And as I said in my previous post, I think you need to do some of your own soul searching and ask yourself why YOU are investing so much of your time and energies into this quagmire and why you are so interested in her dramas. Is this a healthy way for you to be spending your time and energy? If you are in a relationship/marriage, is this a healthy way to be spending your day...

... and if you are not in a relationship currently, would the time and energy you spend on her dramas be better spent on your own life and seeking your own relationship so that her issues aren't so interesting to you?


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

Separated 9+ months after decades of marriage - that's not being married. Her husband checked out, probably has his own thing and she should just initiate divorce and move on. That much is painfully obvious. Someone in that relationship needs to step up and kill the puppy and her husband seems too weak to admit what he really wants. 

The online fling? Clearly (and somewhat understandably) she's lonely and likely feeling lost and needing attention. There's nothing built to last there nor does there need to be. It's a thing of mutual convenience and once she's clear of her dead weight marriage she'll have much better options to choose from. As her friend you can support her and really help her process and heal. Could be a wild ride but just keep the compass pointing 'north' best you can. That's really all you can do.

Good luck...


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> In short, after a 9 month separation, your M is over, time to financially and emotionally protect yourself and move on.


Yeah, in 9 months someone can have a whole new life, a whole new partner and even have a child with that person. 

If someone is staying in a motel or with a friend/relative for a few days to let the dust settle and to clear their head and let the emotions settle down a bit in order to have some rational discussions, that is one thing. 

But 9 months is moving on and creating a whole new life without the previous spouse. 

Assuming this story is even true in the first place, the H has either moved on and seeing someone(s) else and is just getting his financial ducks in a row with his lawyer,, or he is enjoying the peace and quiet and is sitting is his comfy chair in his underwear with a beer and bag of chips watching his sports teams in peace. 

And the wife (or possibly the OP herself) is also enjoying the newfound freedom to get ego strokes and accolades from some other guy telling her how cute and great she is from across the country where she has the safety of the internet to where she doesn't have to put herself out there for real in the real world. 

They both need to roll up their sleeves and make some hard decisions and dig in and do some heavy lifting and put in the work whether it be trying to salvage some semblance of a marriage or cut the cord, file the proper paperwork and stick a fork in it.


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## Untrusting (Mar 22, 2021)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I am, as they say, asking for a friend, only this time it's actually true.
> 
> So, a close friend of mine has been going through a really rough patch with her husband. At the moment, he isn't sure if he wants to stay married to her and they have been separated for 9 months now. She loves her husband. I've known her since childhood, and the two of them are high school sweethearts. There was also many misunderstandings and loads of hurt feelings between the two of them in the past few years but I don't think she expected him to ask for a separation. He says they are working things through, she thinks he's already checked out of the marriage.
> 
> ...


She’s married. That guy is married. I don’t care how distraught you are, you can still be a good human being. That poor man’s wife doesn’t know a thing about what’s going on probably, can you imagine how humiliating that is? To be the fool like that? Separated is still married. Now, this is my opinion so you can take it however, but separation is meant to spend some time apart and work on things or at least not do things that actively sabotage reconciliation. You know, stuff like sexting other guys and getting emotionally invested in them. Which, by the way, getting emotionally invested in someone who cheats on their spouse is about the same as getting invested in a piece of trash. Who wants a person like that? Who really sees a person that is cheating on someone that trusts, loves, and takes care of them and says “Wow, what a catch!” My advice, she needs to get a divorce herself. A man that can live without her for nine months willingly is not a man she needs in her life. And she needs to let this married dude go. Take some time, find a therapist to process her emotions, and then find someone else when she is emotionally ready for someone good for her.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Yeah, in 9 months someone can have a whole new life, a whole new partner and even have a child with that person.
> ...
> But 9 months is moving on and creating a whole new life without the previous spouse.


"Get busy living or get busy dying" - Andy Dufresne


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

SunCMars said:


> Your friends husband abandoned her.
> The fact that she is officially married is technically correct, only.
> 
> And, such that...
> ...


I agree she isn't exactly cheating however inconducive her behaviour is with getting her husband back, but like some of the people here said this is very bad behaviour. And, like you said, this is at least one, possibly two vulnerable people having a silly but potentially harmful affair that neither has nor they want it to have a future.

The question I face is, next time she comes to me unsure if her friendship with this guy is worth continuing should I be more firm and less taking a Socratic approach. I've tried both. Plain judging them both and especially him and being very Socratic about it. She really has been through a lot this past year and I hate the thought of ragging on her from my high horse. Right now I am at a loss for words and plan to say simply dunno, none of my business really, but I'm afraid that will seem simply like I couldn't care less. Not true. I love her deeply and she is family. I just am in the dark as to how they got to this place where my brother in law is doing God knows what and she is having an online fling.

Sometimes it seems like a strange nightmare and I will wake up in the morning and they will still be together. It's been hard on everyone and I can only assume how devastating it was for her.

I just wanted some independent opinions and I got them, for better or worse, thank you for yours.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> @missus_ashleigh
> 
> Here are some things you need to be asking yourself -
> 
> ...





BigDigg said:


> Separated 9+ months after decades of marriage - that's not being married. Her husband checked out, probably has his own thing and she should just initiate divorce and move on. That much is painfully obvious. Someone in that relationship needs to step up and kill the puppy and her husband seems too weak to admit what he really wants.
> 
> The online fling? Clearly (and somewhat understandably) she's lonely and likely feeling lost and needing attention. There's nothing built to last there nor does there need to be. It's a thing of mutual convenience and once she's clear of her dead weight marriage she'll have much better options to choose from. As her friend you can support her and really help her process and heal. Could be a wild ride but just keep the compass pointing 'north' best you can. That's really all you can do.
> 
> Good luck...


Thank you very much. Perhaps the strangest thing about these two is that they both separately claim they will be getting back together. She told me as much and my brother-in-law has said the same to my husband. Perhaps some level of denial is expected. I don't have it in me to tell her to file for divorce. I think marriage is a sacred union and if they managed to stay together for 20+ years then they should be able to grow old together, but I understand completely where you are coming from.

My ideas about marriage are what makes me angry more at him and less at her, cos in my mind he opened a particularly bad can of worms when he plain bailed on her in this way. But he is a good man and we all love him deeply, I guess my point is, we are all in denial about their marriage and expect them to weather this crisis.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

Mr. Nail said:


> I don't like being trickle truthed. is your friends separated husband (your brother in law) in a sexual relationship?


Not that we know of. She says she doubts it and he says no. They went through a tragedy I wouldn't like to go into together some years ago and ever since then had some problems with how they both dealt with it but we had no idea things were this bad. They aren't a couple to complain about each other. People asked so, there has been loads of therapy and counselling between them and we thought they were well on their way to healing when he moved out and announced that they both needed time to figure some things out. She is strongly against his approach and would like him back, I know that much.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Yeah, in 9 months someone can have a whole new life, a whole new partner and even have a child with that person.
> 
> If someone is staying in a motel or with a friend/relative for a few days to let the dust settle and to clear their head and let the emotions settle down a bit in order to have some rational discussions, that is one thing.
> 
> ...


It's quite nasty of you, what you're doing implying this is a made-up story. You will not find a partner to fight with (and vent your ugly frustrations at) in me. You are wasting your time.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

missus_ashleigh said:


> It's quite nasty of you, what you're doing implying this is a made-up story. You will not find a partner to fight with (and vent your ugly frustrations at) in me. You are wasting your time.


I’m not trying to fight or vent at all and I have no frustrations since I do not have a dog in this fight in the slightest. 

I’m just stating some simple truths. Living separate lives and carrying on with other people is not being married. 

Whether they get back together or whether they divorce and move on, both require rolling up their sleeves and doing the work. Both reconciliation and divorce/ moving on require work. 

- they are doing neither. 

I’m just stating simple facts. You’re the one with hostility and the fight’n words.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

Mr. Nail said:


> I don't think he's coming back home. He doesn't want sex. He is not happy. If he didn't sort it out in therapy, and he didn't sort it out in 6 weeks alone, it isn't going to get sorted. Her play pal will just solidify that plan as soon as husband learns of him.
> He doesn't have the inclination to work the hard work it will take to get past a new betrayal.





Mr. Nail said:


> I don't think he's coming back home. He doesn't want sex. He is not happy. If he didn't sort it out in therapy, and he didn't sort it out in 6 weeks alone, it isn't going to get sorted. Her play pal will just solidify that plan as soon as husband learns of him.
> He doesn't have the inclination to work the hard work it will take to get past a new betrayal.


 Yeah, things look bad for her and their marriage.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I agree she isn't exactly cheating however inconducive her behaviour is with getting her husband back, but like some of the people here said this is very bad behaviour. And, like you said, this is at least one, possibly two vulnerable people having a silly but potentially harmful affair that neither has nor they want it to have a future.
> 
> The question I face is, next time she comes to me unsure if her friendship with this guy is worth continuing should I be more firm and less taking a Socratic approach. I've tried both. Plain judging them both and especially him and being very Socratic about it. She really has been through a lot this past year and I hate the thought of ragging on her from my high horse. Right now I am at a loss for words and plan to say simply dunno, none of my business really, but I'm afraid that will seem simply like I couldn't care less. Not true. I love her deeply and she is family. I just am in the dark as to how they got to this place where my brother in law is doing God knows what and she is having an online fling.
> 
> ...


Your brother in-law’s wife needs an intervention. What she has been doing with this married man is completely bat **** crazy. How you listened to her tell you about what she was doing and didn’t immediately strongly call her out is a head shaker.

A still married middle aged mother acting in such a wanton fashion is a disgrace. Not only because the OM is married. she should have some self respect for her young adult kids and even her husband.

When all this comes out, and eventually it will, her sons are going to be devastated to learn that their mom debased herself in such a fashion. Do you think your brother-in-law will want to eventually work on the marriage after he learns what she was doing?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

jsmart said:


> Your brother in-law’s wife needs an intervention. What she has been doing with this married man is completely bat **** crazy. How you listened to her tell you about what she was doing and didn’t immediately strongly call her out is a head shaker.
> 
> A still married middle aged mother acting in such a wanton fashion is a disgrace. Not only because the OM is married. she should have some self respect for her young adult kids and even her husband.
> 
> When all this comes out, and eventually it will, her sons are going to be devastated to learn that their mom debased herself in such a fashion. Do you think your brother-in-law will want to eventually work on the marriage after he learns what she was doing?


Well y'see here is a funny thing about life, even middle aged mothers of adult children are still sexual beings and still respond sexually to men they find attractive regardless of how disgraceful and debasing others may find it. You don't tear up your woman card just because you have kids. 

As Kathy Bates pointed out in Fried Green Tomatoes, the difference between an overweight, middle aged mother and skinny, hot, 20-something chicks is the middle aged woman has better insurance. 

Now do I think this is all healthy and functional and productive? Absolutely not!! I think they'll all nuts, including the OP. 

But the cosmic reality is people are sexual beings until they die and they don't always do things in regards to their sexuality that others approve of or think is ,,,,,,, shall we say,, dignified. 

If this husband didn't want her sexing up other dudes and doing cam shows, maybe he should have stayed in the marital home and not left for 9 months doing nothing to get back together hmmmm?

Or maybe if he is done with her and couldn't care less about the cam shows, maybe he should divorce her and then live life however he wants and then instead of double-clicking her mouse on video and sending it to this other dude, she could actually go out on proper dates and have single, available guys double-click her mouse for her themselves. 

As far as I'm concerned they're a bunch of crackpots, but lets not kid ourselves and think that middle age mothers aren't sexual beings and don't get just as horny and stupid as everyone else. 

Motherhood may impose certain responsibilities such as ensuring their kids are warm and fed and safe. But motherhood does not impose sainthood where their sexualities are checked at the door.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

missus_ashleigh said:


> I do feel you two are a bit too hung up on the sex show part of the post. Would you want my friend to charge for it? Perhaps you two think you are being witty when in fact calling her a cam girl is like calling a woman who has sex free of charge a free prostitute. So, you think you are witty but you are being rather nonsensical.


But you also referred to her as a "cam girl" in one of your previous posts:


missus_ashleigh said:


> Their marriage might well be over both of us are still hoping not. The question I face is, tolerate her weird cam girl relationship as some sort of bizarre rebound or


And personally, if that were my friend, I would be telling her to grow up and stop sexting this guy and performing on camera (this is what a cam girl does, by the way). When her and her husband separated, what were the rules surrounding that? Are they allowed to date?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You are wrong in saying that I would rather be right than helpful. I am simply giving you the best possible advice I can based on experience and based on what you have told us. And no, you would not be raging on her to point out that what she was doing was wrong - you would actually be helping her.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> Regardless of her emotional state or motivation(s), she is cheating on her husband. She may be a "very giving person" but she's giving her time and emotions to another man. That spells "crappy person" in my book. I'd suggest you stop blaming the other man for this state of affairs. After all, your friend is a willing participant in this mess.
> 
> As for your friend's husband, he may be taking a time-out to find himself because he's already involved with someone else. Sounds to me like this marriage is toast.


I'd normally be in 100% agreeance with you, but given that her husband has essentially abandoned her and the marriage, I disagree. He's left her alone for 9 MONTHS, not 9 days. 

That said, this other man will be clouding her judgment, so she needs to cut him off. She also needs to take her power back and file for divorce from her MIA husband. He's clearly not coming back.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> Well y'see here is a funny thing about life, even middle aged mothers of adult children are still sexual beings and still respond sexually to men they find attractive regardless of how disgraceful and debasing others may find it. You don't tear up your woman card just because you have kids.
> 
> As Kathy Bates pointed out in Fried Green Tomatoes, the difference between an overweight, middle aged mother and skinny, hot, 20-something chicks is the middle aged woman has better insurance.
> 
> ...


Towanda!

It doesn't sound like the cam shows are for her enjoying her sexuality. It sounds more like that is what she does to keep the attention coming. She'll learn quickly enough that the guy has no interest in being a friend - he's interested in being entertained.

No one has any idea why the husband took off. Could be that the online sexting isn't her first rodeo.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

missus_ashleigh said:


> Not that we know of. She says she doubts it and he says no. They went through a tragedy I wouldn't like to go into together some years ago and ever since then had some problems with how they both dealt with it but we had no idea things were this bad. They aren't a couple to complain about each other. People asked so, there has been loads of therapy and counselling between them and we thought they were well on their way to healing when he moved out and announced that they both needed time to figure some things out. She is strongly against his approach and would like him back, I know that much.


He should not have seperated unless agreed upon and she should not be cheating. If they get back together, i doubt she would tell him she has been videoing sex flicks back and forth with some married man. Her moral terpitude is enabling this adultrous behavior her and POSOM are committing against their spouses.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Towanda!
> 
> It doesn't sound like the cam shows are for her enjoying her sexuality. It sounds more like that is what she does to keep the attention coming. She'll learn quickly enough that the guy has no interest in being a friend - he's interested in being entertained.
> 
> No one has any idea why the husband took off. Could be that the online sexting isn't her first rodeo.


My thoughts too....maybe something devistating happened and she turned to other men to feel beter about herself...BinL found out and left. The online FFlic buddy may have started before he left.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Divinely Favored said:


> He should not have seperated unless agreed upon and she should not be cheating. If they get back together, i doubt she would tell him she has been videoing sex flicks back and forth with some married man. Her moral terpitude is enabling this adultrous behavior her and POSOM are committing against their spouses.


Her moral turpitude? What about her husbands? The husband who's left her alone for almost a year? No, we don't know why he left but he's still sitting on the fence about coming back. He lost the right to anything to do with his wife the moment he walked out the door.

I personally wouldn't do what she's doing, I think its gross. But if my husband abandoned me, I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to decide what's going to happen with my life. Certainly not after nearly a year.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

frusdil said:


> But if my husband abandoned me, I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to decide what's going to happen with my life. Certainly not after nearly a year.


As well you shouldn't. But I doubt you'd be parading around sexting just because ... Look, we haven't heard the husband's side of this situation. I've only heard what the friend of this woman reports. The husband leaving for this long isn't great, but thus far all we know is the OP's friend is apparently traipsing around naked for some married clown's amusement. No. Just no. And, p.s., that's a hard no.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> As well you shouldn't. But I doubt you'd be parading around sexting just because ...


Oh god no! No way in the world.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

I find little to cheer for in either husband or wife here. We don’t know but suspect things about what the husband is up to, but the wife has plain and simple tossed her marriage aside, choosing to waste untold hours on a fantasy instead of working on their “marriage” such as it is.
Normally I can find sympathy for at least one of the characters in a play but not this one.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> I find little to cheer for in either husband or wife here. We don’t know but suspect things about what the husband is up to, but the wife has plain and simple tossed her marriage aside, choosing to waste untold hours on a fantasy instead of working on their “marriage” such as it is.
> Normally I can find sympathy for at least one of the characters in a play but not this one.


Yah I know how you feel. My problem with it is I love them both and I also know their best sides. I know the people they were before this insanely bad behaviour. Anyway. Thank you for your honest and mature input.


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## missus_ashleigh (Dec 18, 2020)

There will be legal action taken on my part both against the forum as a company and the moderator who deleted my posts on no grounds whatsoever. Because I can, because you need to be taught a lesson and because you have the gull to say, you cannot delete your account. See you around.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Wow. Guess I called it back on page 1. 

Sometimes I hate being right.


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