# wife shared a drunken kiss with another but then continues to see him



## atomicpunk

My wife admitted to me after months of me gathering evidence (I know I was wrong to spy) that she and a client kissed while away at a conference. They were out at the bars with a bunch of people and started flirting and then ended up kissing. She swears that is all that happened. And I can forgive that expect that is not the entire story.

I became suspicious of something not right back in December 2012 when she told me the group was up partying in someone’s hotel room until 4:00 AM. Over the next few months I discovered that she would drunk email a client, have secret lunch dates with him and lie to me about it, had other meetings planned that did not happen, and had many phone calls with him that she would cover up by clearing her phone log. I finally confronted her this month and at first she denied there was anything going on; then when pushed admitted to him kissing her that night but she stopped it; then admitting he kissed her in January at their lunch meeting; then admitted that they kissed the second night of the conference in Dec. Still swears that nothing more than kissing occurred.

I want to believe her, forgive her, and move on. I do believe she loves me and is truly sorry for hurting me like that. But I can’t get past a few things.
1 – drunk, turned-on from flirting, kissing at 4:00 AM, alone in a hotel away from home = prime real estate for a sexual encounter! Do I really believe she did not do more?
2 – even if it was a drunken fling, the continued seeing him and lying tells me there was more and is the worrisome part.

I did notice in the last couple of months their interaction died down and she had no more long lunches. She says she came to her senses a couple of months ago and put an end to it.

She can’t give me a real reason for doing it other than it was exciting to have someone new give her that kind of attention. I get that and understand 100%. I don’t get that if she says she knew it was wrong to kiss and stopped it at that, why keep going back to him and developing a relationship of sorts? Why keep playing with the fire? By the way this guys is married but a known cheater.

We’ve been together for 15 years and have 3 young kids. Our marriage is normal I would say. We flirt, have sex, talk, find time for “dates”, etc. I know with guys it is more a physical thing when cheating. What goes on in women’s minds? Can she really be telling me the truth or is she too scared and embarrassed to tell me everything? I have made it clear that even if the worst case proved to be true, that she has been having a full blown affair, I could and would forgive her. She still insists that kissing is all the physical contact that happened.

I want to come to terms with what she is telling me, forgive, and move on building our marriage. I’d like to hear some thoughts. Thanks!


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## Enginerd

Sorry bro, but your wife had an affair including full sex. You were not wrong to spy so don't beat yourself up. They call it trickle truth around here. The cheater never tells the whole truth unless tricked or forced into it. Your wife is scared to tell you the whole truth because she fears losing the marriage. Whether or not she fears losing you is entirely another question. She's lying through her teeth. Go to the Infidelity forum and read up for a while. You will understand what's going on if you do. Buy a VAR, keep spying and stop being so nice. She betrayed you in every way and needs to understand the consequences.


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## lalsr1988

First of all, you did nothing wrong by spying. Secondly she is a lying cheater, of couse she had sex with him. You need to either end your marriage, or set up iron boundries
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded

Cheaters lie. So he may have dumped her -- not the other way around.

No way I believe her story.


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## Mavash.

Yes she's a lying cheater and yes they had sex.


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## tom67

Mavash. said:


> Yes she's a lying cheater and yes they had sex.


Time for a poly imo.


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## aug

Given her behavior, she had sex with him.

You may want to set up a polygraph appointment. Let her know. You may just get a confession out of her.

And if she's having an affair, forgiving her too soon or readily is bad for her and for your marriage. When there's no serious consequences for her affair, she knows she got away with it. She'll then either take it underground, or stop this affair and start another one eventually. She'll learn to hide it better the next time around.

Consequences is an important tool in gaining the correct life experience.


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## mablenc

Sorry you are here,

I know you are going to be getting a lot if advice. I would just ask that you be open minded as some of the people here truly know what they say. If you look at the other post, it's the same patter of behavior.

Spouse becomes suspicious looks for evidence also feeling guilty but you should not.
The cheating spouse denies, turns things around becomes angry because of the invasion of their "privacy". Swear on their mother, children, cat, bible, anything to make you believe them.

Everyone thinks their spouse will never cheat.

If she admitted to kissing this usually means she had sex with him more than once. that's called cheater script. 
You need to be strong, as painful as it is, you need to show her you are willing to leave her to save your dignity. 

Do not cry, plead, become the maid, blame yourself. To be able to move on you need proof that she has stopped the affair, and you need to expose it.

She also needs to tell you everything otherwise, believe me it will eat your soul in the most slow and painful way. 

She needs to show remorse, not to be confused with I'm sorry I got caught but true remorse.

The difference is that she will do anything to save the marriage. Give up her job, her email her phone. Never blame you. When you become angry and hurt because its comes in cycles she needs to be there for you and change.

Good luck. I'm sorry it's going to be painful, but you will live and you will grow.


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## PHTlump

atomicpunk said:


> ... (I know I was wrong to spy) ...


Why? It is your right to verify that your wife remains faithful to you. There is a saying here that privacy is fine in a marriage. Secrecy is not. Privacy is closing the bathroom door when you're in there. Secrecy is kissing other people without your spouse knowing.

Does the police officer apologize to the bank robber for catching him? I don't think so. If your wife didn't break your trust, she wouldn't have anything to worry about.



> I finally confronted her this month and at first she denied there was anything going on; then when pushed admitted to him kissing her that night but she stopped it; then admitting he kissed her in January at their lunch meeting; then admitted that they kissed the second night of the conference in Dec. Still swears that nothing more than kissing occurred.


That is called trickle truth. Most disloyal spouses do it. They admit to only the things that you already know about, or just enough that they think you'll be satisfied. The longer you press her and the more you investigate, the more you'll learn and the more she'll admit to.



> I want to believe her, forgive her, and move on.


Don't be in such a hurry to forgive. First you need to figure out what she did. Then, you can decide whether you can accept it.

Kissing another man is pretty bad. But, I doubt that's all that happened. Your wife isn't a kid. Kids might be able to spend hours, until 4am, just making out and keeping their clothes on. Adults don't do that. Adults touch all the bases.

To help you interpret her confessions, another poster wrote something that stuck with me. He said that, if she says they talked, they talked about sex. If she says they went to lunch, they went on a date. If she says they kissed, she gave him oral. If she says she gave him oral, they went all the way. Disloyal spouses will minimize everything.



> I do believe she loves me and is truly sorry for hurting me like that. But I can’t get past a few things.
> 1 – drunk, turned-on from flirting, kissing at 4:00 AM, alone in a hotel away from home = prime real estate for a sexual encounter! Do I really believe she did not do more?


Nope.


> 2 – even if it was a drunken fling, the continued seeing him and lying tells me there was more and is the worrisome part.


Yep. She didn't wake up remorseful, catch an early flight home, and get down on her knees to beg for your forgiveness. She made him her boyfriend. She made, literally, dozens of decisions spanning weeks or months to continue a relationship with this man and to conceal it from you.



> I did notice in the last couple of months their interaction died down and she had no more long lunches. She says she came to her senses a couple of months ago and put an end to it.


That's encouraging. However, she also may have just gotten better at hiding it. If she were going to continue her affair, she could get a prepaid phone that you can't see the records for. She could classify her lunches as meetings with other people to avoid your suspicion. You just can't know.



> She can’t give me a real reason for doing it other than it was exciting to have someone new give her that kind of attention. I get that and understand 100%.


There's a saying men need to remember. "If you're boring, she's whoring." Sadly, that's true.

Obviously women will be vulnerable to having an affair is they are abused, or neglected. However, some women just decide that it would be fun to bang somebody new. It looks like you have one of those wives. So, don't be boring.



> I don’t get that if she says she knew it was wrong to kiss and stopped it at that, why keep going back to him and developing a relationship of sorts? Why keep playing with the fire?


First, I wouldn't let her insult my intelligence by continuing to claim that she is a chaste adulteress. She wasn't playing spin the bottle with this guy until 4am. She was going around the world with him. She was doing all the things you've been begging her to do for years, but she told you to forget about it.

As for why go back? Because it's fun. When a spouse is cheating, in the best case scenario, they aren't considering the loyal spouses at all. They're just focused on themselves. Worst case scenario, they're doing it because they just hate the loyal spouses.



> By the way this guys is married but a known cheater.


I would still expose him to his wife. Perhaps she's the only one who doesn't know.



> I have made it clear that even if the worst case proved to be true, that she has been having a full blown affair, I could and would forgive her.


Wow! Carte blanche. Your wife is one lucky woman. She gets to have sex with another man, get caught, have you feel remorseful for catching her, and assure her that you'll never divorce her. Unless I'm missing something, there's not much motivation for her to stop sleeping with other men.



> She still insists that kissing is all the physical contact that happened.


Why not? She got away with it. With her claiming she only kissed, you have forgiven her. The only thing that will change, if she tells you that she gave him oral, anal, and the whole ball of wax, is that you might change your mind and divorce her. She probably doesn't want that, yet.



> I want to come to terms with what she is telling me, forgive, and move on building our marriage. I’d like to hear some thoughts. Thanks!


You should be on the Coping With Infidelity board. However, I frequent that board, so I can tell you some general truths.

First, women who get away scot free with having affairs often don't stop having affairs. They lose respect for their husbands, who won't even stand up for themselves when their wives are on their backs for other men. And women have a hard time remaining faithful to men they don't respect.

Once an affair is discovered, the best approach is usually to assume a divorce. Kick your wife out of the house so that you can consider whether to divorce her, or not. Even if you absolutely want to sweep this whole thing under the rug, you need to make her think that you're leaning toward divorcing her.

Tell your wife that you will agree to counseling and, if she does enough of the heavy lifting, you will consider remaining married to her. That will increase her respect for you, make her feel like she's paying a price for her adultery, and give you a better chance of success in the long term.

Good luck.


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## aug

PHTlump said:


> *Tell your wife that you will agree to counseling* and, if she does enough of the heavy lifting, you will consider remaining married to her. That will increase her respect for you, make her feel like she's paying a price for her adultery, and give you a better chance of success in the long term.
> 
> Good luck.


Tell your wife to go to counseling. 

ftfy


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## Tall Average Guy

atomicpunk said:


> I finally confronted her this month and *at first she denied there was anything going on; then when pushed admitted to him kissing her that night but she stopped it; then admitting he kissed her in January at their lunch meeting; then admitted that they kissed the second night of the conference in Dec.* Still swears that nothing more than kissing occurred.


Notice the pattern?



> I want to believe her, forgive her, and move on.





> I want to come to terms with what she is telling me, forgive, and move on building our marriage. I’d like to hear some thoughts. Thanks!


You can't do that until she proves her honesty. Based on the lies, deception and infidelity (and yes, even just kissing another man is cheating), she has an uphill climb. The problem, as so many others have pointed out, is that this is likely not all the story.


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## Hicks

It's the wanting to forgive that is going to cause you to not recover your marriage.

Unfortunately, the only way to move on is to have your wife experience some negative consequences for her actions.

And, you have to gain an understanding of why she cheated for you to ever feel safe in your marriage again, since no steps can be taken to correct whatever led up to it.


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## chillymorn

sorry your hear listen to these guys and do not trust a word that comes out of her mouth. she has lost your trust SO DON"T trust her.


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## dsGrazzl3D

You don't want to go thruu D mainly b/c of your kids... We all understand... But if trust and ultimately respect for each others boundaries have been broken, it's going to take YEARS to rebuild this. You need to listen to the people here trying to help you. You need to 1st protect your kids as best as possible. You need to prepare for a LONG fight, and it has to involve 2 things; 

1] Protecting your kids 
2] Learning what you can accept in your life

Good Luck!


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## lifeistooshort

Agree with everyone here, she's already had sex with him. She's lying about the kissing because she knows you'll forgive that. A cheating player won't continue to pursue and kiss someone that won't put out, there's plenty of other drunk w&#$res that will. Sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## torani

I agree with everyone on here. She had a full blown affair... I am so sorry, I can imagine how much your hurt by this. 

To be sure its ended, can you confront the OM or at the very least connect with his wife. That poor wife of his is prolly in the same boat as you. With both of you knowing and confronting your spouses it might help stop whats going on. 

I had a boss that was cheating on his wife. The cheating ended when his wife finally made contact with said other girls, there was no way for him to deny it any longer. My former boss and his wife are still together and have continued to work on their marriage. 

However, I feel the same, no consequences = another affair eventually because she knows she can get away with it. Look at this other man, he is a serial cheater....


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## F-102

She is definitely "trickle truthing" you: hoping that the next little tidbit of admitted information is the one where you are finally satisfied and you get the hell off of her case.

I agree with others on the polygraph. Demand that she do one, then see her reaction. She could do one of 3 things:

1) Absolutely refuse (then you pretty much have your answers there)

2)Agree to it-but then hope that you won't press the issue and drop it (kinda what she's doing with the trickle truth here)

3) Agree to it, and fully comply and actually tell the truth.

(My money is on scenario #2)

One of the best ways to get her to fully come clean is to indeed schedule an agreed-to polygraph, but don't tell her when. Then one day, on a "day out" with her, drive to the office and tell her "Oh, remember the poly that you AGREED to? It's happening today." I'd be willing to bet you a month's pay that she will finally spill her guts right there in the parking lot.

And, you may have to do something very drastic: threaten with divorce, see a lawyer and get the papers drawn up, then present them to her. She has to see that you do indeed MEAN BUSINESS. To paraphrase an incident in Vietnam, you must be willing to destroy the marriage in order to save it. Remember, you can always call off the divorce at the last minute, or you can even re-marry later-but you ABSOLUTELY MUST be strong and willing to follow through on the threats.


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## RandomDude

All evidence, red flags, and her continual behaviour points to the fact that; without a doubt, she cheated on you.


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## atomicpunk

Wow. Surprising the overwhelming consensus that yes she did have sex with this guy. Is it the fact that they were away at a hotel and drunk or the “trickle truth” that confirms it for you all?

I got some very good advice and things to think about in the replies, thanks! What I’m surprised at and unsure about is the need to threaten her with divorce. I understand showing her I am mad and that while I can forgive her it will not be an easy forgiveness and she needs to earn it. But threats of divorce over one mistake? A big mistake yes, but is it really something that cannot be forgiven? We are human and we give into temptation and we make mistakes. Wouldn’t this be one of those “bad times” to work through that was in our vows?

Thanks and oh, if any woman are responding let me know. Hard to tell sometimes by user names. I’d really like to hear a woman’s perspective.

Thanks again!!


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## MysteryMan1

Don't be so quick to forgive, she hasn't even come clean yet.


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## treyvion

lifeistooshort said:


> Agree with everyone here, she's already had sex with him. She's lying about the kissing because she knows you'll forgive that. A cheating player won't continue to pursue and kiss someone that won't put out, there's plenty of other drunk w&#$res that will. Sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is very true. The ruleset in this day and age involves a "3 date rule", so if they aren't putting out by the 3rd date, guy is onto the next.


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## lifeistooshort

atomicpunk said:


> Wow. Surprising the overwhelming consensus that yes she did have sex with this guy. Is it the fact that they were away at a hotel and drunk or the “trickle truth” that confirms it for you all?
> 
> I got some very good advice and things to think about in the replies, thanks! What I’m surprised at and unsure about is the need to threaten her with divorce. I understand showing her I am mad and that while I can forgive her it will not be an easy forgiveness and she needs to earn it. But threats of divorce over one mistake? A big mistake yes, but is it really something that cannot be forgiven? We are human and we give into temptation and we make mistakes. Wouldn’t this be one of those “bad times” to work through that was in our vows?
> 
> Thanks and oh, if any woman are responding let me know. Hard to tell sometimes by user names. I’d really like to hear a woman’s perspective.
> 
> Thanks again!!


Woman here, you can read my other post. She had sex with him, as a woman I'm telling you that. You can forgive her and move on, but you need her to be completely honest, which she's not. I think the polygraph is a great suggestion; tell her you want to move forward but in light of recent events you don't completely believe her. See her reaction; if she takes it and passes you can move on. If not just know that there is a good probability she'll do it again when another player gives her attention. Decide what you can live with, but if you don't put your foot down now it will become clear to her there won't be any consequences. Have an affair, have fun, tell hubby you just kissed, move on like nothing happened. Rinse, repeat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion

lifeistooshort said:


> Agree with everyone here, she's already had sex with him. She's lying about the kissing because she knows you'll forgive that. A cheating player won't continue to pursue and kiss someone that won't put out, there's plenty of other drunk w&#$res that will. Sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A player in the game wouldn't even KISS them. Maybe she said "kiss" meaning she gave out some oral.


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## RandomDude

Atomic punk, cheaters tend to follow a very well documented pattern. Visit the CWI section if you wish, there's a wealth of knowledge there admist alot of heartbreaking stories.

If her behaviour and response to your questioning was different I may have said otherwise - as I have done for a few other stories. However we both know this is not the case, she has been lying to you all this time and only admitted when pushed - and even then chances are it's not the full truth as others have mentioned.

This in addition to the other information you've provided especially the other man, the party, 4:00AM, etc, all evidence points to infidelity. Her behaviour follows the cheater's pattern. I'm sorry, it's not what you want to hear, but we won't lie to you.


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## Lonely&frustrated

Atomicpunk,
Your wife has basically told you she cheated, but only said kiss, she didn't want to tell you the rest because saying what else she did would make her "look bad" and the guilt would be awful. No matter how you try to get it out of her if she's scared she will NOT bend. She has no idea how you will react, doesn't matter what you've "told her" you would do. When people find out the real truth it can make the most calm and respectful person look like a beast. There is so much emotion involved and when the right emotion is triggered it can make you snap. Do you really want to know the details? I believe that if people knew every single detail they supposedly will figure out the why, and go back in forth in a raging circle of questions until you've made yourself question your own worthiness. You just have to ask yourself if this is something you are able to live with. Are you able to love her like she's never hurt you again?


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## tom67

atomicpunk said:


> Wow. Surprising the overwhelming consensus that yes she did have sex with this guy. Is it the fact that they were away at a hotel and drunk or the “trickle truth” that confirms it for you all?
> 
> I got some very good advice and things to think about in the replies, thanks! What I’m surprised at and unsure about is the need to threaten her with divorce. I understand showing her I am mad and that while I can forgive her it will not be an easy forgiveness and she needs to earn it. But threats of divorce over one mistake? A big mistake yes, but is it really something that cannot be forgiven? We are human and we give into temptation and we make mistakes. Wouldn’t this be one of those “bad times” to work through that was in our vows?
> 
> Thanks and oh, if any woman are responding let me know. Hard to tell sometimes by user names. I’d really like to hear a woman’s perspective.
> 
> Thanks again!!


We are just saying you have to know exactly what you are forgiving her for that's all.


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## Terry_CO

SO sorry you're where you are at. It's my worst nightmare ...


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## Tall Average Guy

atomicpunk said:


> Wow. Surprising the overwhelming consensus that yes she did have sex with this guy. Is it the fact that they were away at a hotel and drunk or the “trickle truth” that confirms it for you all?


That, plus her lying at least three times. She has not been truthful about this, so why do you think now she is (other than you want that to be the truth so you can ignore it)?



> I got some very good advice and things to think about in the replies, thanks! What I’m surprised at and unsure about is the need to threaten her with divorce. I understand showing her I am mad and that while I can forgive her it will not be an easy forgiveness and she needs to earn it. But threats of divorce over one mistake? A big mistake yes, but is it really something that cannot be forgiven? We are human and we give into temptation and we make mistakes. Wouldn’t this be one of those “bad times” to work through that was in our vows?


Yes, you can forgive it, but she needs to (1) be honest, (2) ask for forgiveness, and (3) work for that forgiveness. I have not seen much of this.

Of course, none of that deals with the trust issue. You can forgive someone without trusting them again. How will she do that, particular because she will have opportunities to meet up with him (or other clients) again.


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## treyvion

tom67 said:


> We are just saying you have to know exactly what you are forgiving her for that's all.


Well you can't forgive her if she still is going to be "out there", and people don't stop being "out there" on the stop of a dime. It usually takes years.


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## tulsy

atomicpunk said:


> ... What I’m surprised at and unsure about is the need to threaten her with divorce. I understand showing her I am mad and that while I can forgive her it will not be an easy forgiveness and she needs to earn it. But threats of divorce over one mistake? ...


First of all, it was no mistake. It was multiple times, and none of those times were a mistake.

The threat of divorce was suggested by some because there HAVE to be some consequence for her actions. IF there are NO consequences, it will just happen over and over again. Also, you will appear weak to her for not reacting, and that will make other male suitors appear much more manly and attractive than you. 

You are definitely quick to sweep this under the rug. You need to think that through, unless you wanna be back here in another 6 months to talk about her next affair.


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## mablenc

Woman here too, I'm sorry but you need to think with your head not with your heart. Your Heart is in denial and hurt. Just look into it further without letting your wife know. VAR, phone computer. If she has nothing to hide you will know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enginerd

If you don't proceed as if your ready for divorce she will never come clean. She needs to know your serious. Right now she thinks your someone she can lie to and manipulate into thinking she's being honest. In short you are a doormat to her and someone she doesn't respect. You need to work on getting back her respect and it will take a severe action to make this happen. She's under the impression that no matter what she does you will still be there. She figures she will take advantage of your nice nature and that you will come around eventually. So far from what I see of your posts she's absolutely right. By the way, this was not some drunken one time mistake that you can chaulk up to lifes little challenges. At a minimum, she decided to go back several times for more sex and we all know there's more info coming. This was a selfish betrayal that you will be thinking about the rest of your life. She was filling some need for attention or whatever and that should really make you think about the status of your "marriage". Right now you should have a scorched earth strategy and make sure she knows she put everything she has at risk. She needs a wakeup call and it will take a confident man to do it.


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## Blonde

atomicpunk said:


> But threats of divorce over one mistake? A big mistake yes, but is it really something that cannot be forgiven? We are human and we give into temptation and we make mistakes.


^^Strikes me as really minimizing adultery and makes me wonder if you have had affair(s) on her?

My husband travels for work and has cheated under the influence and would never do so sober (I'm very confident of that) so my condition for staying in the marriage was that he stop drinking completely when on the road.


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## Madman1

Congratulations on being the 1,000,000,0000 person here on TAM whose wife had full on sex with a lover and told you it was just a kiss, lied to you, shows false remorse, and has probably taken it underground.

Oh but I'm sorry you are only the 999,999,999 person who thinks he can "nice" and "Love" her out of it and win her back.

Too bad you do not win the grand prize of a signature TAM doormat in the color of your choice.

However if you hurry and snoop some more you may still qualify on D-Day #2, btw don't apologize for checking up on a cheater.

It is a hellish ride made worse by the failure of quick firm action, enjoy!


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## treyvion

Enginerd said:


> If you don't proceed as if your ready for divorce she will never come clean. She needs to know your serious. Right now she thinks your someone she can lie to and manipulate into thinking she's being honest. In short you are a doormat to her and someone she doesn't respect. You need to work on getting back her respect and it will take a severe action to make this happen. She's under the impression that no matter what she does you will still be there. She figures she will take advantage of your nice nature and that you will come around eventually. So far from what I see of your posts she's absolutely right. By the way, this was not some drunken one time mistake that you can chaulk up to lifes little challenges. At a minimum, she decided to go back several times for more sex and we all know there's more info coming. This was a selfish betrayal that you will be thinking about the rest of your life. She was filling some need for attention or whatever and that should really make you think about the status of your "marriage". Right now you should have a scorched earth strategy and make sure she knows she put everything she has at risk. She needs a wakeup call and it will take a confident man to do it.


True, and also you don't need to put up with it. You don't need to be in a relationship with someone that you have to snoop on to force them to do the right thing and not cheat on you.


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## treyvion

Madman1 said:


> Congratulations on being the 1,000,000,0000 person here on TAM whose wife had full on sex with a lover and told you it was just a kiss, lied to you, shows false remorse, and has probably taken it underground.
> 
> Oh but I'm sorry you are only the 999,999,999 person who thinks he can "nice" and "Love" her out of it and win her back.
> 
> Too bad you do not win the grand prize of a signature TAM doormat in the color of your choice.
> 
> However if you hurry and snoop some more you may still qualify on D-Day #2, btw don't apologize for checking up on a cheater.
> 
> It is a hellish ride made worse by the failure of quick firm action, enjoy!


But the beauty of it, is he can choose to be with someone who has been in this stage of life and never intends to go back, because they appreciate someone just like him! Or someone who has always shown high level of ethics and integrity, but with your cheater - the odds are against you stopping it, it has to run it's natural course and it takes YEARS, and some NEVER stop.


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## atomicpunk

ok, I see the need to continue to push the truth out. So far my pushes have resulted in what I know, or should I say what she has "told" me so far. But I can see her simply refusing to tell me she slept with him because I do not have proof. She can simply say "I only kissed him" and stick to it. I like the polygraph idea. Did not realize that was a tool available. Like has already been said maybe just the threat of it will be enough.

Thanks!


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## tom67

atomicpunk said:


> ok, I see the need to continue to push the truth out. So far my pushes have resulted in what I know, or should I say what she has "told" me so far. But I can see her simply refusing to tell me she slept with him because I do not have proof. She can simply say "I only kissed him" and stick to it. I like the polygraph idea. Did not realize that was a tool available. Like has already been said maybe just the threat of it will be enough.
> 
> Thanks!


Yes tell her you set up a polygraph test for her you might get the rest of the story BUT if she calls your bluff you have to follow through. This has gone on for a while now you have to act now.


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## treyvion

atomicpunk said:


> ok, I see the need to continue to push the truth out. So far my pushes have resulted in what I know, or should I say what she has "told" me so far. But I can see her simply refusing to tell me she slept with him because I do not have proof. She can simply say "I only kissed him" and stick to it. I like the polygraph idea. Did not realize that was a tool available. Like has already been said maybe just the threat of it will be enough.
> 
> Thanks!


Your doing it, just to know the entire truth - or are you doing it, believing you are going to get her to stopit?


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## Tall Average Guy

Blonde said:


> ^^Strikes me as really minimizing adultery and makes me wonder if you have had affair(s) on her?


While I guess that is always a possibility, it seems a stretch. Denial is a pretty strong coping mechanism for some folks. They just refuse to see what is so obvious to us looking in. So when the woman he loves "confesses" to a kiss and some improper discussions, it can be easy for some to grab onto that and want to believe that the person they out all their trust in just made a small mistake and is back to being the person he thinks she is. The OPs focus on forgiveness and working through the one mistake (which he views as merely a kiss) suggest that he can't bear to deal with what actually happened.


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## treyvion

Tall Average Guy said:


> While I guess that is always a possibility, it seems a stretch. Denial is a pretty strong coping mechanism for some folks. They just refuse to see what is so obvious to us looking in. So when the woman he loves "confesses" to a kiss and some improper discussions, it can be easy for some to grab onto that and want to believe that the person they out all their trust in just made a small mistake and is back to being the person he thinks she is. The OPs focus on forgiveness and working through the one mistake (which he views as merely a kiss) suggest that he can't bear to deal with what actually happened.


It may be very well possible that the woman he chose to love is not very trust worthy, to anyone - and actually is an active player... Reality is a great thing.


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## atomicpunk

Tall Average Guy said:


> While I guess that is always a possibility, it seems a stretch. Denial is a pretty strong coping mechanism for some folks. They just refuse to see what is so obvious to us looking in. So when the woman he loves "confesses" to a kiss and some improper discussions, it can be easy for some to grab onto that and want to believe that the person they out all their trust in just made a small mistake and is back to being the person he thinks she is. The OPs focus on forgiveness and working through the one mistake (which he views as merely a kiss) suggest that he can't bear to deal with what actually happened.


Actually I already believe in my gut that she did sleep with him. It makes all the pieces fit together. A full blow affair requires secrecy, covering tracks, secret meetings, etc. If we assume for a moment she is truthful in that it was only kissing and that is where it stopped because she knew it was wrong to do more, then why pursue him with emails, phone calls, and planned lunches? If it was not a physical thing then it was emotional affair which would be worse in my opinion.

I can forgive her for even a full blow sexual affair. It won't be easy but it can be forgiven. At least I believe the marriage is worth fighting for and not something to walk away from.


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## doubletrouble

atomicpunk said:


> Wow.
> 
> But threats of divorce over one mistake? A big mistake yes, but is it really something that cannot be forgiven? We are human and we give into temptation and we make mistakes. Wouldn’t this be one of those “bad times” to work through* that was in our vows?*


What other vows were in the air that day you got married?
Fidelity is usually one of them. 
Kissing another man in a hotel room while drunk (or sober, whatever) is not fidelity in most peoples' books. 

Yes, it can be worked through. Wait till you start getting mad about this and that emotion takes over the one you are feeling now about working it out, it was "only" a mistake. 

It's only the biggest mistake a married person can make.


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## aug

How about trust, loyalty, character, expected morality, etc...


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## talin

atomicpunk said:


> My wife admitted to me after months of me gathering evidence (I know I was wrong to spy)


Why do you feel that it's wrong to "spy" when you are concerned there is something deceptive going on?

In fact, you're going to probably have to continue to "spy" on her for the rest of the time you two are together.

She's lied to you before, she's kept information from you, and even when confronted she hasn't completely come clean.

You will never, ever be able to trust her completely regardless of how much she did or did not do with this other guy.


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## aug

atomicpunk said:


> I can forgive her for even a full blow sexual affair. It won't be easy but it can be forgiven. At least I believe the marriage is worth fighting for and not something to walk away from.



Too early to say that you'll forgive her. As of right now, you dont know what you are forgiving. You do know, however, that she is not truly remorseful and she's not telling you the truth.

You dont know if she is truly in love with the other man but she's staying with you as backup or for practical reasons.

You dont know as much as you should. She's either protecting herself or her lover or both. She put up a wall against you. There's no way a successful and happy marriage can endure this barrier she put up.


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## mablenc

Concentrate on finding out the truth first, that way you know what you are dealing with. Just a note: you can always stop the divorce from happening (legally speaking) so don't be afraid of putting the option of divorce on the table.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Racer

Sorry to hear your plight. I’ll address something since you are still on “one mistake”. It’s not one mistake. The kiss proves she does think of him ‘in that way’. Secret lunches, drunk flirting, exchanging personal contact information and hiding/lying to you about it... Are those at all ‘business’? Sounds like dating to me. Or even at the absolute minimum, does this sound at all like a friend; Is she normally sexually attracted to friends and co-workers and acting out on it? She has a crush on the dude... There isn’t “one mistake”, there’s a whole series of intentions; She wants to be with him and her actions reinforce this.

Her words: She’ll lie. She knows it’s wrong and that you will not react in a ‘nice way’. So... damage control and ‘the spin’ to get you to at least consider she might not be “bad”. She plants doubts in your head. Better to her that you still think “it wasn’t that bad or a single mistake” than to know she’s not a good person and screwing around. You already know she is lying... Why believe anything about it at this point at all?

What is probable about, being drunk, away from home, and in a man’s hotel room at 4:00am. You know... your gut is always right. Listen to it and stop trying to rationalize your way out of it. The quicker you learn to trust yourself and your instincts, the faster you’ll figure out what to do next and what you now want to do.

Start contacting her co-workers and friends around the office. They probably know or have suspicions... They too will lie to cover for her, however, they haven’t coordinated their lye to match hers. That will reinforce that the version of truth you have is a fabrication. And you’ll be left with your gut. Smells, acts, and looks like a duck... Quack.

The next step is to distance... 180. And start working on yourself to get you through this emotional destruction and rebuild. You’ll need that strength to move forward whether that be divorce or reconciliation and be able to think much clearer.


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## Hicks

You can forgive her.

But without her remorse and regret, you cannot even entertain the concept of forgiveness.

You are putting the cart far before the horse.


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## treyvion

Racer said:


> Sorry to hear your plight. I’ll address something since you are still on “one mistake”. It’s not one mistake. The kiss proves she does think of him ‘in that way’. Secret lunches, drunk flirting, exchanging personal contact information and hiding/lying to you about it... Are those at all ‘business’? Sounds like dating to me. Or even at the absolute minimum, does this sound at all like a friend; Is she normally sexually attracted to friends and co-workers and acting out on it? She has a crush on the dude... There isn’t “one mistake”, there’s a whole series of intentions; She wants to be with him and her actions reinforce this.
> 
> Her words: She’ll lie. She knows it’s wrong and that you will not react in a ‘nice way’. So... damage control and ‘the spin’ to get you to at least consider she might not be “bad”. She plants doubts in your head. Better to her that you still think “it wasn’t that bad or a single mistake” than to know she’s not a good person and screwing around. You already know she is lying... Why believe anything about it at this point at all?
> 
> What is probable about, being drunk, away from home, and in a man’s hotel room at 4:00am. You know... your gut is always right. Listen to it and stop trying to rationalize your way out of it. The quicker you learn to trust yourself and your instincts, the faster you’ll figure out what to do next and what you now want to do.
> 
> Start contacting her co-workers and friends around the office. They probably know or have suspicions... They too will lie to cover for her, however, they haven’t coordinated their lye to match hers. That will reinforce that the version of truth you have is a fabrication. And you’ll be left with your gut. Smells, acts, and looks like a duck... Quack.
> 
> The next step is to distance... 180. And start working on yourself to get you through this emotional destruction and rebuild. You’ll need that strength to move forward whether that be divorce or reconciliation and be able to think much clearer.


It's not even trusting instincts. It's just paying attention to what is right and in front of your face. It's right there, it's for you to rug sweep it.


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## mablenc

Had it been a mistake, I would assume she would have told you immidiatley and full of remorse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump

atomicpunk said:


> Wow. Surprising the overwhelming consensus that yes she did have sex with this guy. Is it the fact that they were away at a hotel and drunk or the “trickle truth” that confirms it for you all?


It's the preponderance of the evidence. A woman who made a mistake with a drunken make-out session, and was remorseful about it, would not continue to see the man and have more make-out sessions. And make-out sessions don't last until 4am. That's just not the way the world works.

In the real world, make-out sessions escalate. Affairs escalate. And 4am means sex. And it means serious, pull out all the stops, go around the world sex. When was the last time you and your wife had sex until 4am? If you've ever done it, it was probably long ago and it was probably a memorable night. I'm sorry to say that another man has now had a memorable night that like with your wife.



> What I’m surprised at and unsure about is the need to threaten her with divorce.


Adultery requires a nuclear response. Nobody has ever niced anybody out of an affair. In fact, trying to nice a woman out of an affair will usually backfire and make her feel entitled to continue. The simple fact is that adultery is either acceptable in your marriage, or it's not. If it's not, then move toward divorce, while keeping open the possibility that she make you reconsider. If it is acceptable, then just sweep it under the rug and try to ignore any evidence of ongoing affair(s).



> But threats of divorce over one mistake? A big mistake yes, but is it really something that cannot be forgiven? We are human and we give into temptation and we make mistakes. Wouldn’t this be one of those “bad times” to work through that was in our vows?


First, stop looking at it as a mistake. It wasn't. Rear-ending the car in front of you is a mistake. It happens. Missing a credit card payment is a mistake. Woops. Having an affair with another man and hiding it from your husband is a series of decisions spread out over weeks, or months. And every decision she made was a conscious choice to hurt you.

Whether you can forgive her is a personal choice left to you. The statistics say that only about 30% of marriages survive an affair. Maybe you can be in that 30%.

As for your vows, she already broke them. The marriage contract is now in limbo. And she is responsible. Even if you are a conservative, religious person who believes in the sanctity of marriage, the major religions allow for divorce after adultery. You are under no obligation to work through this problem.

But, stop looking at this like a bump in the road. Financial hardship would be a hard thing to deal with in your marriage. And you and your wife would be expected to do your best to work through it. A serious illness would also be something tough that you both should try to get over. Adultery is not the same. Adultery is just about the worst thing your wife could have possibly done. It's going nuclear inside a marriage. And it requires a serious response. Rug sweeping does not work. And even if it did, you would eventually regret letting your wife off the hook with few consequences.

Good luck.


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## treyvion

The mistake was even showing up in the room at 4AM in the first place. That would be considered an affair. Any actions which disrespects your current relationship, any rug sweeping, lying are huge red flags and inidcators in her relative interest between her "marriage" and affairs life.


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## treyvion

Cora28 said:


> Who really knows but she is either unhappy in the marriage (emotional or physical needs not being met?) or she just made a "mistake". She felt flattered by the OM´s attention.
> 
> This link may help you understand what is going on or at least help you to help her find out the reasons. The book is available online. I haven´t read it all but the few pages I have read are extremely informative.
> 
> Infidelity, Cheating Wives - Women's Infidelity


I was on that site, it was my first cheated on site back in 2007-2009. I was trying to get in contact with the author because they shut down the message boards, I was wondering if they had archived my posts - wanted to retrieve them because it kinda was a blog and journal of what I was going thru at the time with my WW situation.

Today, I've simplified it all... Some people are players or in play mode. They are going to lie, decieve, mislead, do what they want and cover it up. Transitions between how someone is going to be aren't quick and easy and it takes them to want to change it. The womens infidelity cheating type of wife was a real selfish, narcisstic woman who would trap a guy into marriage to provide for her, and she would usually cuckhold him while she carries on her sexual exploits.


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## atomicpunk

Just a quick clarification... She was not alone with him in his room until 4:00 AM. They were in a group in a a room partying until 4:00 AM and then when it broke up he kissed her. She says it was in the hallway and not near her room or his. I do have collaboration from her emails to others that the party did go to 4. 

I know this is her story and likely not the full story. Just wanted to clarify since some were focusing on her being in his room alone until 4 AM.

Thanks!!


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## Enginerd

The whole story is BS


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## Wiserforit

One mistake?

That's denial and minimization speaking.


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## Tall Average Guy

atomicpunk said:


> Actually I already believe in my gut that she did sleep with him. It makes all the pieces fit together. A full blow affair requires secrecy, covering tracks, secret meetings, etc. If we assume for a moment she is truthful in that it was only kissing and that is where it stopped because she knew it was wrong to do more, then why pursue him with emails, phone calls, and planned lunches? If it was not a physical thing then it was emotional affair which would be worse in my opinion.


That is not what you have posted before, but I think it makes sense to assume this. Too many things not adding up, plus her dishonesty, mean you have to assume the worst.



> I can forgive her for even a full blow sexual affair. It won't be easy but it can be forgiven. At least I believe the marriage is worth fighting for and not something to walk away from.


Then what are your requirements for forgiving her? Lay out what you need from her. NC, full transparency, telling the wife of the OM, her moving to a different room for awhile. Because just hoping she won't do it again (which is where you seem headed) is not a plan.


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## azteca1986

When an unfaithful wife says:

_"it was exciting to have someone new give her that kind of attention"
_
It means: I felt attracted and aroused by this guy and my husband isn't around.



atomicpunk said:


> Just a quick clarification... She was not alone with him in his room until 4:00 AM.


Fair enough. It might be true. She was drunk and at 4:00Am he kissed her and she kissed back and told rejected his advances. Then later, stone cold sober she went on secret dates and kissed him again.

What do you plan on doing next OP?


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## F-102

Once is a "mistake".

More than once is a lifestyle.


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## PHTlump

I want to revise my past advice. Since you have said that you will forgive your wife, even if she had sex, then I recommend you stop investigating her. You already look weak. If you continue to investigate, find out she had sex, and respond by immediately forgiving her, you will look even weaker. And that will only lead to a continuation of this affair, or more affairs in the future. At least this way you can have some plausible deniability that you thought she had only kissed the guy.

If a sexual affair is a deal breaker for you, then I think you should continue to investigate. Because there is a good chance one has already occurred.


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## ArmyofJuan

This is about respect, drunk or not she should not have kissed him. On top of that, she still continued to hang with him after the fact shows she had feelings for him. If I had kissed a girl my W would divorce me on the spot, (she almost D me just for flirting online). Point is; you can’t blow this up too much. 

Let’s say hypothetically she is telling the truth. At minimum she had an EA and if you just rug sweep it you are in a way condoning/enabling her behavior by not having any consequences. This may open the door to more cheating down the road now that she is not afraid of you doing anything about it. Your attempts to fix the marriage will actually enable affairs.

You need to send a strong message NOW and she needs to have the bejezus scared out of her. She needs to understand that what she did is grounds for a divorce and you have one foot out the door already. You need to give her the impression that if she mentions another man’s name you might leave her. Don’t let her think you are just going to let her get away with having a little boyfriend on the side while being married to you. You need to let her know you have self-respect and will NOT tolerate her inappropriate behavior with other men. 

At minimum find out what the D process is in your area and look up a good lawyer. If she asked tell her you are just weighing your options. Don’t let her convince you that you are going overboard, this is your life and you don’t have to put up with nonsense. 

She will respect you when you stand up for yourself. Women rarely cheat on men they respect.


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## aug

ArmyofJuan said:


> She will respect you when you stand up for yourself. Women rarely cheat on men they respect.



How true.

It's so simple and yet often overlooked.


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## Racer

treyvion said:


> It's not even trusting instincts. It's just paying attention to what is right and in front of your face. It's right there, it's for you to rug sweep it.


 Yes, while true, we are on the outside. Inside that bubble, you can see through his post he is desperately clinging to certain 'realities' so his world isn't in the shambles his gut knows its in. Waywards aren't the only ones who ignore logic, skip right past anything that might prove their beliefs false, and allow emotions to warp their thoughts to the point were the improbable becomes accepted facts.

He has no reason to want to believe his wife did this. He has every reason in the world to want to believe it's just some misunderstanding. His gut won't let him... So, like us all, he keeps searching for understanding, particularly of stuff that might validate it isn't as bad as it looks.


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## treyvion

Racer said:


> Yes, while true, we are on the outside. Inside that bubble, you can see through his post he is desperately clinging to certain 'realities' so his world isn't in the shambles his gut knows its in. Waywards aren't the only ones who ignore logic, skip right past anything that might prove their beliefs false, and allow emotions to warp their thoughts to the point were the improbable becomes accepted facts.
> 
> He has no reason to want to believe his wife did this. He has every reason in the world to want to believe it's just some misunderstanding. His gut won't let him... So, like us all, he keeps searching for understanding, particularly of stuff that might validate it isn't as bad as it looks.


I've been in that bubble, and a I've also perpetrated that bubble. I know what he see's and he needs to see it for what it is. It's love and trying to make things make sense in your mind, make them right. It happens in many people, especially before they go through something like this.


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## Racer

Yep.. It's also why we can't coddle him. Just lead him gently into trying to accept certain realities he probably doesn't want to face and everyone here really wishes he didn't have to face either. But he does... it sucks.


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## treyvion

Racer said:


> Yep.. It's also why we can't coddle him. Just lead him gently into trying to accept certain realities he probably doesn't want to face and everyone here really wishes he didn't have to face either. But he does... it sucks.


And eventually if you accepting of the truth, you eventually will get through it.


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## Blonde

TAG,

You may be right. That occurred to me too.


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## RandomDude

I'm assuming OP has left and will return in a few months in the CWI section as per usual. Maybe we should have just linked him to Almostrecovered's sticky on the first post... oh well


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## Horizon

It never stops - talk about an epidemic. All the same clues, all the same lines from the WS. It's like it is becoming par for the course - staggering. Best wishes atomicpunk.


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## treyvion

Horizon said:


> It never stops - talk about an epidemic. All the same clues, all the same lines from the WS. It's like it is becoming par for the course - staggering. Best wishes atomicpunk.


Horizon,

Do you now see how it doesn't stop easily?


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## Horizon

treyvion said:


> Horizon,
> 
> Do you now see how it doesn't stop easily?


Eyes are wide open - errrk!


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## Racer

treyvion said:


> Horizon,
> 
> Do you now see how it doesn't stop easily?


Sad isn't it... Hopefully atomic will return. It helps knowing you aren't the first or the last guy to go through this. Most of us here have gone through the same thing. We share scars....


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## treyvion

Racer said:


> Sad isn't it... Hopefully atomic will return. It helps knowing you aren't the first or the last guy to go through this. Most of us here have gone through the same thing. We share scars....


I'm in a new situation. I really hope I'm not in this position. And I hope I didn't enable being in that sort of position by being too nice.

Alot of females do background checks on guys, I guess going forward if you do want to LTR with someone you could background check them over the last ten years and profile their mindset...


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## warlock07

atomicpunk said:


> Actually I already believe in my gut that she did sleep with him. It makes all the pieces fit together. A full blow affair requires secrecy, covering tracks, secret meetings, etc. If we assume for a moment she is truthful in that it was only kissing and that is where it stopped because she knew it was wrong to do more, then why pursue him with emails, phone calls, and planned lunches? If it was not a physical thing then it was emotional affair which would be worse in my opinion.
> 
> I can forgive her for even a full blow sexual affair. It won't be easy but it can be forgiven. At least I believe the marriage is worth fighting for and not something to walk away from.


Forgiveness given without asking for is not valued or respected


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## warlock07

Also, how many "mistakes " are you willing to forgive her for ? You know it would be a good thing if you can tell her that 4 "mistakes" are fine but 5th is an absolute deal breaker.

Communication is the key.


Sarcasm aside, this is not a mistake. This is betrayal and deception. You don't say, I just robbed the bank by a mistake. Cheating to the extent that she did is not a mistake. It was planned set of events that are meant to be completely under your radar. She took care to hide it from you. You had to snoop to find about it FFS


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## atomicpunk

Hi All - still here. just processing everything that has been said. so much has been said that just feels right in my bones but as pointed out conflicts with everything else (heart, logic, "she could never", etc.). Her parents are in town this weekend so we won;t be having any "talks" but I do plan to push her again and tell her I want a polygraph and see what happens. My guess... she'll admit to "ok it was more than kissing but not sex". A little more trickle to come I bet. Thanks all


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## atomicpunk

Thought of another way I can find out some info but it carries some risk. Wife was with a co-worker at the conference who was also in the hotel room during the party. They are friends as well my wife being her boss.

So I was thinking I pull the woman aside and ask her about that weekend to see if her story matches my wife's. If not then I have more reason to demand the truth from my wife.

The risk is being a co-worker this woman may not like me checking up on my wife. She may figure out from my questioning that something happened between my wife and this other guy (who she knows as well). Of course she may already "know" and witnessed it and would be afraid to say anything to me. So it could affect my working relationship with this person. Oh, I probably did not mention my wife and I work for the same company.

Thoughts? Is the risk worth finding out some additional inconsistencies in the wife's story?


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## azteca1986

atomicpunk said:


> Thought of another way I can find out some info but it carries some risk. Wife was with a co-worker at the conference who was also in the hotel room during the party. *They are friends as well my wife being her boss.*


She will never rat out her friend AND boss. I think you'd be wasting your time.


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## Shaggy

Her friend and boss ain't going to rat her out.

Demand a polygraph and full transparency - shared passwords , no deleted messages.

Your wife is having an affair. She has been continuing it with him. She's been having it at least since that night.

Demand a polygraph, permanent end of contact with the OM, full transparency.


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## Racer

Yes, it carries risk. And yes, she might coverup for them. But, their stories won't match. So you'll know there is a lie there.


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## Shaggy

A couple more things.

1. This thread should be in coping with infidelity. Pm a mod to move it there.

2. You should be buying a couple of Sony voice activated recorders and placing one under her car seat secured by Velcro tape.

3. Go check her records, I'm betting that at first chance after her admitting to the kiss, she contacted the OM to warn him that you are suspicious, but to assure him that she convinced you it was a kiss only.

4. Find out all about the OM, especially who his wife or go is.

5. Let the wife / gf know he is also dating your wife.


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## doubletrouble

treyvion said:


> I'm in a new situation. I really hope I'm not in this position. And I hope I didn't enable being in that sort of position by being too nice.
> 
> Alot of females do background checks on guys, I guess going forward if you do want to LTR with someone you could background check them over the last ten years and profile their mindset...


Hell just let the NSA do it for you


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## atomicpunk

Problem is her cell phone is company phone so I don't have access to her records. The VAR is a good idea just to be sure there is no calls when she is in car alone.

Polygraph time for sure.


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## Madman1

atomicpunk said:


> Her parents are in town this weekend so we won;t be having any "talks" but I do plan to push her again and tell her I want a polygraph and see what happens. My guess... she'll admit to "ok it was more than kissing but not sex". A little more trickle to come I bet. Thanks all


Parents sitting down and wife in the room you say, " I'm glad you are here but it is a little awkward for me, your daughter had a sexual encounter with another man and I am considering divorcing her. If it comes to that I did not want you feeling disrespected later by realizing that I had said nothing.

As it stands she says it was not full on sex but she refused to be honest with me and my love and trust for her are eroding fast.

I'm sorry to have to say this but I think being truthful is the best course. I appreciate the love and acceptance you have shown me over the years and however this turns out I will always think well of you"


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## Shaggy

So how's it going?


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## atomicpunk

Polygraph "scheduled" for Thurs. I'll likely cancel it without her knowing though. At $600 I'm not sure it will be that fruitful.

She knows I have scheduled it and how it works so she knows it is real but she still insists she has told me everything that has happened and it was just kissing. I'll play it out and even drive to the place and see if she comes clean. She knows that if she fails there will not be any forgiveness and I'll never be able to trust her again.


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## LostViking

Expect a parking lot confession when the two of you get ready to go into the building.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Racer

LostViking said:


> Expect a parking lot confession when the two of you get ready to go into the building.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't expect that. I know my WW would be more than happy to go in and fail a poly. Then she'd show me all that information that they aren't accurate and claim she was telling the truth. And I'd be right back where I was.

Mine will go to the grave with her secrets.


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## F-102

atomicpunk said:


> Polygraph "scheduled" for Thurs. I'll likely cancel it without her knowing though. At $600 I'm not sure it will be that fruitful.
> 
> She knows I have scheduled it and how it works so she knows it is real but she still insists she has told me everything that has happened and it was just kissing. I'll play it out and even drive to the place and see if she comes clean. She knows that if she fails there will not be any forgiveness and I'll never be able to trust her again.


You'll cancel. In other words, threaten but not follow through.

That is EXACTLY what she's counting on.


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## Shaggy

LostViking said:


> Expect a parking lot confession when the two of you get ready to go into the building.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And don't believe the parking lot confession. She'll be attempting to avoid the full truth she fears the poly will reveal. So carry through with it regardless.


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## Hicks

Your wife shared a drunken kiss with a man she continues to see.

But $600 is too much to spend to figure out whether you are safe in your marriage?


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## tom67

Is $600 worth your piece of mind? I would think so.


----------

