# Just a quick question for the ladies



## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

If your husband came to you and said he was feeling neglected by you physically and emotionally to the point of thoughts of having an affair without having a PA or a EA . What would you do?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Be glad he told you; that's the right thing for him to do, share his secret, scary thoughts with you. Talk, get counseling together and individually, if necessary. 

That is, if you want to save the marriage. If not, tell him it is his problem to deal with, and just go on leading life as usual.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> Be glad he told you; that's the right thing for him to do, share his secret, scary thoughts with you. Talk, get counseling together and individually, if necessary.
> 
> That is, if you want to save the marriage. If not, tell him it is his problem to deal with, and just go on leading life as usual.


Yes, this. First, though, I would freak the f*ck out. I hope not all over him, but I'm sure I'd be pretty upset to hear this!


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## MerryMerry (Dec 6, 2009)

I would say that you'd like to know what his needs are that aren't being met...sounds like you're not having sex enough. Ask him what else there is. If he said the whole "affair" thing, I would be calm, not try to overreact, and focus on meeting his needs more. If he's honest enough with you to bring up the issue, that means he wants to work on it. Otherwise he'd already be having an affair and you'd never know. Be grateful.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Do men really ask this question?
I doubt it.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Thank you for the replies I am the husband and I did let her know. I knew I wasn't crazy I sat there for months and months feeling horrible for some reason. And yes it was due to lack of any complimentary communication , physical touch (i.e. hugs kiss) and in the end sex. Btw we are getting divorced over a yr after I made that comment and its her only sticking point on why she wanted out of the marriage. Though I didn't realize it was on her mind this much for this long cause she never brought it up. I even asked her before ,we ended up in a fight and are now seperated and divorcing, for us to go see counselor. Thanks for the replies ladies.


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## ashley-renea (Feb 26, 2010)

Carefulthoughts said:


> If your husband came to you and said he was feeling neglected by you physically and emotionally to the point of thoughts of having an affair without having a PA or a EA . What would you do?


I'm a lil new to all this whats "PA or EA" Physical attraction and Emotional Attraction??


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Physical affair or emotional affair


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## MerryMerry (Dec 6, 2009)

So were you just testing her to see if she'd meet you needs? Or did you end up having an affair?


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

No I confessed my soul to her. She never met my needs which prior to marriage she met. I ended up filling my life with work and school for the idea of having a family in the future. Before we seperated she txted her coworkers 22 yr old son (her about to be 30) on a constant basis with me forgoing my feelings on no affection at all. She let herself grow away from anything and everything we stood on.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think ALL women are soooo vastly different, so telling one of them (like your situation) turned out to NOT be helpful at all, she could not get past what you said and see that she had ANY doing in your feeling this way, that she had any responsibility. BUt I do wonder HOW you worded it to her? that could make a WORLD of difference --with many women. 


I perosnally would WANY my husband to be that straight with me - ABSOLUTELY! We used to not have alot of sex, and he choose NOT to talk to me about it, kinda makes me mad today, cause I am so different than that. I would have wanted to know , even if it might have hurt me initually -so I could change things and make his life better. 

Some women NEED the shock of that to wake them up, I guess it is just determining what kind of women you are married too!

I dont necessarily feel you did the wrong thing though -even in saying all of this, YOU obvioulsy need a woman you can be REAL with and totally honest/open with. More wives should be as blessed. 

Depending on HOW you said this to her, I would say ultimately it was a better choice than saying absolutely nothing & growing ever more resentful by the day, being miserable /angry, succuming to an affair anyway out of pure frustration, or becoming a secret porn addict behind her back to deal with your sexual urges. 

Those things are just as bad or worse.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Well she knew from the start that physical touch, whether holding hands , kissing , hugging , or sex was a big thing for me and she met that demand willfully. I in return was there for her in any respect she needed. But after we got married it all just stopped and got dulled. I knew sex would become lesser but not to the point of maybe once every month or two. 

The way I have worded it was. " I have something to tell you. I don't know what has gone wrong with us but I have been feeling neglected to the point my mind was thinking about having an affair. Yes this is/was a very strong thought process my mind was in and I just can not do this to you" 

She might of made a mundane attempt to try but even a year after and almost to our seperation she didn't care. IF we had sex she wouldn't participate much if anything. All the shows of affection were done by me. 
What caused our seperation is one night I went looking for her cell because I couldn't put a cd on mine. Couldn't find her phone. She was hiding it because the last 3 or 4 months she has been sending and receiving hundreds of txts a day from her coworker's 22 yr old son. My wife will be 30 in july. Think this is partly midlife crisis. Apparently since I admited my deepest thoughts to her. She has been doing things behind my back and lieing. When I talked to her mom about what happened she left out the whole txts to the other guy because her mom is an old fashioned solid faith based woman. She herself admitted she knows her daughter has lied to her and its hard to believe what she says. Honestly her actions have all been based of her selfish desires.


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