# Mutual Friends or New Foes...



## WhiskeyVictor (Sep 13, 2016)

How are your relationships with couples that are “mutual friends”? We’re not divorced yet but I have a set of supposed friends that we knew independently before any of us got into relationships. I even worked with her overseas where our husbands were stationed (we were all in the military together). 

She used to bombard me with relationship problems but I didn’t mind because our husbands were very similar and she didn’t really have many other sensible friends. We moved back stateside a couple of years ago and they moved back earlier this year and I haven’t seen her yet. I asked her if I could meet her for lunch when she was house hunting but she claimed to be really focused on that and that it was her main priority. I said okay and the next thing I know she was out of town and asked me if I could get her car when it was delivered because there was no one else in the area that she could trust. I said okay and coordinated with her husband (he was still overseas) and waited nearly twelve hours in her city with my kids for the car to be delivered and to drive it back to their rental property. After that she came back into town and the only reason I knew was because I saw her posts on Facebook. 

Fast forward to a few months later, she called and we scheduled a time and date to meet. She knows from before and even more so now, my free time is VERY limited, not even a full day a week. The day before our meetup, I saw her husband post on Facebook that he was at the gym in the city that STBX lives with his OW and then he posted a picture with him. That night she called to confirm our plans for the next day (we were supposed to meet at like 0900) and then she kind of started over talking. She said that she wanted my approval before he could come to their house because she was on my team (their was a lot that I told her about before this OW came along) and that she wasn’t going to hang around with them because they were so wrong and so on. I said I wouldn’t ask her to do that because I know the husbands are friends (but I definitely wouldn’t be around someone her husband cheated with).

Well, the next morning, bright and early, she text me that she couldn’t go because she had really bad cramps and heavy bleeding and couldn’t walk or anything. I said okay and to feel better but immediately remembered when she told me before that she didn’t menstruate using her form of BC, that she’s still on, and she’s an over-sharer and never mentioned cramps before. Of course, Facebook struck again and she went out later that day and tagged her location to somewhere in my city (we live like 35 minutes apart). Shortly after, she had a series of parties and you know who was there. I never mentioned in any way that I couldn’t be in the room with him or that I expected anyone to take sides but I guess they did because she never even mentioned any of these events to me, I saw them all on Facebook. Before, I was invited to everything but now I wasn’t even considered for the housewarming. 

She’s been back nearly six months and I haven’t seen her. A couple of weeks ago she texted me saying that stbx came over to help her husband with something but she didn’t realize that he was going to bring the kids and that they were so beautiful and smart. I know the only reason that she said anything was because she knew the kids would tell me they went (they’re 4 and 6). I don’t have a problem that he’s been over there, but that I haven’t and it’s been six months and she must’ve felt a need to hide it before because she never said a word before. I talked about it with my counselor (I had told her that she was coming previously because I don’t know anyone else here) and my mother and they both say that I shouldn’t trust her much from now on. What do you think I should do?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Wow. Something is fishy. 

At best, sounds like she should be written off.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

WhiskeyVictor said:


> How are your relationships with couples that are “mutual friends”? We’re not divorced yet but I have a set of supposed friends that we knew independently before any of us got into relationships. I even worked with her overseas where our husbands were stationed (we were all in the military together).
> 
> She used to bombard me with relationship problems but I didn’t mind because our husbands were very similar and she didn’t really have many other sensible friends. We moved back stateside a couple of years ago and they moved back earlier this year and I haven’t seen her yet. I asked her if I could meet her for lunch when she was house hunting but she claimed to be really focused on that and that it was her main priority. I said okay and the next thing I know she was out of town and asked me if I could get her car when it was delivered because there was no one else in the area that she could trust. I said okay and coordinated with her husband (he was still overseas) and waited nearly twelve hours in her city with my kids for the car to be delivered and to drive it back to their rental property. After that she came back into town and the only reason I knew was because I saw her posts on Facebook.
> 
> ...


Ghost her, and if you do end up in contact with her remember anything you tell her you might as well tell your ex. Don't trust her at all.


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## WhiskeyVictor (Sep 13, 2016)

Yeah, I spoke with my counselor and she said that I need to change my way of thinking because she, and other couples, put “household loyalty” above all else. I always operated thinking that if a friend told me something about their spouse and I know that ours are friends then I won’t tell him because it’s likely that he might say something, too. And he’s definitely a talker, all of them.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Her husband's friendship with your ex is more important to her than you are. Let that go.


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