# Seeing the XWS and attraction



## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

So we had a kid swap today and she was looking really hot. Why do we still have that physical attraction to someone who did us so wrong? It eats me up, I should look at her like a POS yet I find myself checking her out. /facepalm :banghead:


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> So we had a kid swap today and she was looking really hot. Why do we still have that physical attraction to someone who did us so wrong? It eats me up, I should look at her like a POS yet I find myself checking her out. /facepalm :banghead:


Yeah, I do the same thing. Then I remember what she is really like as a human being and it passes like a cheap taco.


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Try to make sure you're hitting the gym and getting into the best shape you can be as well.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

theexpendable said:


> So we had a kid swap today and she was looking really hot. Why do we still have that physical attraction to someone who did us so wrong? It eats me up, I should look at her like a POS yet I find myself checking her out. /facepalm :banghead:


Yeah I don't envy you. My stbxww is a beautiful woman, but I have zero attraction to her after learning what she is. I guess I'm lucky that way - it would make things far more painful/difficult if I still lusted after her.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hot chicks still have all the bull crap... I mean some poor bastard is now dealing with your STBXW's bull crap.

I mean I just got my PB mag. and I'm looking at this hot chick (playmate of the year) and 1st thing to come to mind is "nice body" the second is " some poor guy has to deal with the same crap as I do".


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

theexpendable said:


> So we had a kid swap today and she was looking really hot. Why do we still have that physical attraction to someone who did us so wrong? It eats me up, I should look at her like a POS yet I find myself checking her out. /facepalm :banghead:


Patience, my son. With time, and a decent workout regime, the odds are in your favor.

Make sure to send candy and chocolates (lots) back with the kids. Tell her she looks tired, and offer her a corn dog.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Forest said:


> Patience, my son. With time, and a decent workout regime, the odds are in your favor.
> 
> Make sure to send candy and chocolates (lots) back with the kids. Tell her she looks tired, and offer he a corn dog.


A corn dog???????:rofl:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*For a woman in her late 50's, my rich, skanky, XW is/was in damn good physical shape for a woman her age! Having not seen her in quite a while, I would greatly think that there has been little to no deviation in that!

But the thought of knowing that she's been willingly plowed like the field of dreams, is quite enough to detract me from ogling her!

She may well be "a looker," but lookers can sometimes give people some acquired accoutrement that a Brillo Pad absolutely can't take off!

Sorry, but I just don't willingly choose to want to have sex with covertly deceptive people! Especially unfaithful ones!*


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Compartmentalization.

In one box is the hot spouse. In the other is the cheater that broke your heart and betrayed your trust and put your kids through a divorce. It's just that they are one and the same. 

Even in the throes of pain and anger about his infidelity, I still had sexual fantasies about him whilst separated. I hated it too.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

One more thing. As soon as your son starts to read, find him a copy of Nathaniel Hawthorne's books of children's stories, A Wonderbook for Girls and Boys, and Tanglewood Tales for Boys and Girls.

The rest will take care of itself.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Try to make sure you're hitting the gym and getting into the best shape you can be as well.


I am and loving it. Been working out 7 of last 9 months. Win win in my book. Being more attrative to the females and also pissing her off.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Forest said:


> Patience, my son. With time, and a decent workout regime, the odds are in your favor.
> 
> Make sure to send candy and chocolates (lots) back with the kids. Tell her she looks tired, and offer her a corn dog.


haha, I like that idea.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Miss Taken said:


> Compartmentalization.
> 
> In one box is the hot spouse. In the other is the cheater that broke your heart and betrayed your trust and put your kids through a divorce. It's just that they are one and the same.
> 
> Even in the throes of pain and anger about his infidelity, I still had sexual fantasies about him whilst separated. I hated it too.


Yea, I think it's partially the fact that she hasn't gone public with a relationship yet if she's in one. I think once that happens I'll be able to see her differently.


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## Luvmyjava (Feb 9, 2014)

Been in your shoes.... and fairly recently too. 
I came RUNNING here (TAM) for some support to make it through the day 
By the end of the day, I kept reminding myself what she REALLY was, and a I was fine.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex-husband is still an attractive man. Really, even more now because he's been working out and lost some weight. He's also incredibly deceptive and manipulative. I sometimes find myself attracted to him. 

But, then I remember that the him I'm attracted to doesn't actually exist - and never did. The real him is the one who had at least 5 affairs in 14 years and still doesn't think he did anything wrong. The momentary flash of attraction fades quickly in the harsh light of reality.


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## Emptyshelldad (Apr 29, 2013)

I think most of the time, men feel this way because they are not landing other women. Once you start landing women hotter and younger than your ex whom are much better in bed than your old boring WWW (woreout wayward wife), all of a sudden you have almost zero interest in your ex. It's like the scene in tombstone (which all real guys have seen and love). Where the card dealer that Wyatt Earp slaps come up in the street carrying a shotgun, and doc holiday stops him and then proceeds to converse with Wyatt for a while......then he says "oh.....um....Johnny, I'm sorry I forgot you were there.......um....you may go now." 

You just kind of forget to remember them. And they usually hate it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Now I'm certainly not going to seek out my rich, skanky XW, say at social settings or events. I have no marked desire ever to see her or her ilk again.

But I'd have to say that if she were to show up at the same event that I'm at, and attempts to make "small talk" with me, I'd have to make some barbed, caustic remark, largely to the effect of something like: "What's wrong, honey? Did every other guy here that that you invited to bed turn you down? 

Obviously, Sweetheart, you've greatly mistook me for someone who gives a crap! If you're all that horny, m'dear, why not just give your buddy, Fatty, a call?"*


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## razgor (May 8, 2014)

I think a lot of it has to do with wanting what you can not have or wanting what is bad for you. Especially if the ex is attractive. 

And I am sure the WS will wear provocative clothes or try to look good when you see them. I think they feel empowered when they see you looking at them. Certaintly do not comment on it. Don't give them that!

Personally, these feelings always pass for me when I meet someone else.


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## Emptyshelldad (Apr 29, 2013)

razgor said:


> Personally, these feelings always pass for me when I meet someone else.


exactly......so....OP.....go and get your lovin on with some cuties, and then come back and tell us how you're feelin.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

razgor said:


> And I am sure the WS will wear provocative clothes or try to look good when you see them. I think they feel empowered when they see you looking at them. Certaintly do not comment on it. Don't give them that!
> 
> Personally, these feelings always pass for me when I meet someone else.


Oh, I'm sure she does these things to try and torment me. She couldn't pay me to give her a compliment at this point.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I actually do compliment my ex-husband on his weight loss, new clothes, when he looks nice, etc.. If my boss, a male friend, or a guy I'm on a charity board with looks nice, I will pay him a polite sincere compliment on it. So, I do the same with my ex-husband. I refuse to allow him to have so much power over me that it causes me to alter my own behavior in any way. So, I treat him just the same as I do any other man I have to deal with on a regular basis. 

I don't do it solely for that reason, but have noticed that treating him with the jovial apathy of casual acquaintances seems to bother him quite a bit.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

I found myself in the same boat. While moving on my ex lost a lot of weight and the rest is history. But with the same brush stroke, after my work injury, I put a lot of effort in putting myself back together. The best response I got was I was a Target one day. To give you my physical stats 5'9, 160 at 12% body fat, not bad at 40ish and had a good tan working courtesy off the Cali sun. I was with my then stbxw and walking around the store, lots of looks from the opposite sex. Nice feeling that was as I started to notice more. While you are committed to someone, myself I didn't notice it. I digress, we were checking out and the half asian half ebony very cute checkout person, was finishing with a customer and looked over at me and made this obvious gesture of whoa. You know what I'm saying. Man! that felt good. Pissed the ex right off. I have to say this felt good. It was a validation that at my age, I was still able to attract not only the female of the species, but a 20 something at that. Side note it was damn hard for me, physically, to put myself back together and not look like an ogre. My point is we were both still physically attracted, but with the crap that came with it wasn't worth the effort of caring, hard for sure but in the end very necessary, to live a happy life, with a now hottie wife, who is a skosh younger and a beautiful, happy daughter. Things happen for a reason.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> So we had a kid swap today and she was looking really hot. Why do we still have that physical attraction to someone who did us so wrong? It eats me up, I should look at her like a POS yet I find myself checking her out. /facepalm :banghead:


Unless she turned into a troll overnight, I'm not sure why you would not feel attraction to her--I mean you did love her once and were attracted enough once to date her...and go on to marry her.


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