# Huband freaking out



## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Hello everyone! I have been married for 3 years. All has been well but lately he has been acting weird. Wanted to volunteer to take a 7 week work trip. Said it would be a good opportunity for him. I reacted badly at first cause he has never traveled since we have been married. The I realized I was wrong, told him to go, he said its to late. Then he wanted to get out of work early today, I said jokingly "you are acting funny lately". I was kidding. He has had an attitude all day. Didn't get out early. Said I "still think he is a weird and creepy guy". I never said that! I thought that years ago cause he hit on a young girl, but that was before we were married. Never crossed my mind now. Why is he acting so strange? Is it cause I acted badly to his trip? I tried to make up for it!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I would never volunteer a 7 week work trip without speaking to my W about it. Truth be told, I don't want to be away from W for 7 weeks anyway so it would never have been a consideration. I think you H needs to grow up and learn to talk to you about such things as 7 weeks away from home on a more than likely good time. Good communication would have helped here.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What kind of weird?


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

7wks is a long time to volunteer, unless he's hoping this will advance him in his career and or possibly thinking on moving to that specific location. 

I would ask more questions and instead of making sarcastic (joking) remarks.

What other ways has his behavior seemed strange? There could be many answers as to what's going on.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Its just a kind of weird where I cant kid around with him without him getting defensive and acting funny. Like when I said your acting funny about getting out of work early, even though I was joking he told me I was judgmental about it. And He did talk to me about the trip, but after he already told them he would go. He just asked me 3 or 7 weeks. When I had a problem with that he canceled, and told me I was wrong for thinking he was going for "fun".


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> Its just a kind of weird where I cant kid around with him without him getting defensive and acting funny. Like when I said your acting funny about getting out of work early, even though I was joking he told me I was judgmental about it. *And He did talk to me about the trip, but after he already told them he would go.* He just asked me 3 or 7 weeks. When I had a problem with that he canceled, and told me I was wrong for thinking he was going for "fun".


Big problem here. He never should have said he would go without talking with you about it. Now he feels "controlled" etc. Again, communication on his part would have gone a long way here. And yeah, it would be work but fun as well. Don't let him fool you on that crap.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Honestly, how would your H feel if you simply said yes to a volunteering for 7 weeks away without discussing it with him?


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Yea, we plan on moving there in a few years, so it would help his career. But he would have a job either way. I don't like that I feel bad now for how HE is reacting. I told him again this morning to go on the trip. So I support him. He still is acting funny. I told him to get out of work early and enjoy the nice weather, his response was "again you think its all about fun". wth! I was trying to be nice!


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I accepted a relocation to a different State on a Thursday but had to leave that Saturday. My wife would not join me for two months. I said I would go but I wanted to talk to my wife, so I left my options open. My wife saw the value in the relocation. It was her first time away from home at the age of 21. It was rough for her but she stuck it out until I could arrange for a transfer closer to home. That ended up being the best thing for us. It lead to a quick rise to the top of the corporation and a lifestyle that we never dreamed could be possible for us. 

We have relocated 13 times and are living in our 9th house. I have been working from home for the last 25 years and learned that too much time together is not necessarily a good thing. Even on my days off I will stay in my man cave. My wife goes out with her friends three nights a week, sometimes 4. Although I still work, we live among 100,000+ retired people and going from a relationship where the husband is gone most of the day to one where is is always around, is a problem for many. Too much of a good thing can be bad. As a result, most men belong to clubs or play golf while their wifes have their own clubs and play golf with their friends. They meet up before dinner and the rest of the day is spent together, much like it was when they were working.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> Yea, we plan on moving there in a few years, so it would help his career. But he would have a job either way. I don't like that I feel bad now for how HE is reacting. I told him again this morning to go on the trip. So I support him. He still is acting funny. I told him to get out of work early and enjoy the nice weather, his response was "again you think its all about fun". wth! I was trying to be nice!


You are not getting it Happy. Your H was in the complete wrong for accepting this trip before talking to you about it. H and W do not do that. It is 7 weeks! Did he think you would be ecstatic for him?


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

I agree...I was NOT ecstatic! And his ex girlfriend lives down there. I think trips for work are bad for a marriage.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

Now after ignoring my texts for hours, I told him I was just trying to be nice (about telling him to enjoy the weather) and I was done talking to him. I do not like to be ignored. (stupid game). He texted back. He was busy and he loves and misses me. What a bunch of games. We are in our 40's!!!!!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> I agree...I was NOT ecstatic! And his ex girlfriend lives down there. I think trips for work are bad for a marriage.


I would not be either. 7 weeks is a long time. However, a trip or two per the work year are ok in my book. But these only last a few days to a week at most. 7 weeks is a stretch. 



happynconfused said:


> Now after ignoring my texts for hours, I told him I was just trying to be nice (about telling him to enjoy the weather) and I was done talking to him. I do not like to be ignored. (stupid game). He texted back. He was busy and he loves and misses me. What a bunch of games. We are in our 40's!!!!!


At 40 years of age your H should realize that his decisions affect BOTH of you. Simply saying he would go then try to muddle his way through you after the fact was dead wrong. He needs to understand marriage is team sport. Both my W and I discuss any plans we might have even it is just a day away for a hobby or something like that.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

sounds like the two of you REALLY have to do some "re-dating" and "re-discovery".

His actions and moods, strike me as danger ground for EA going PA. And honestly not terribly impressed about your attitude either.
I would 100% bet that he's "not lying" about opportunity and advantages involved, but the mood etc seem misdirected for the trip - but that means things as usually bad on both sides at home (ie communication and trustful intimacy are no longer present.)


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

> spotthedeaddog said:
> 
> 
> > sounds like the two of you REALLY have to do some "re-dating" and "re-discovery".
> ...


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

I don't think he would ever have an affair, but his comment about me thinking he is weird and creepy made me think twice! Does he think that about himself!?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> I don't think he would ever have an affair, but his comment about me thinking he is weird and creepy made me think twice! Does he think that about himself!?


I'm thinking he was looking for some sympathy. Honestly, your H sounds like he needs to grow up as he appears to be pouting. ALL of this could have been avoided if he discussed with you first. In his mind he was packed and out the door for 7 weeks of whatever. Never did he think what the 7 weeks might do to you. No matter how you cut it, H and W need to have input on life matters because it affects both.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Cheaters will often bring up cheating as a way to get the stress off of themselves. Or make you feel afraid of bringing it up. 

Have you checked his phone/text records for a number you don't know? That's used a lot?

My instinct is that he's dissatisfied with the marriage after 3 years, saw an opportunity to be in the town his old girlfriend is in for 7 weeks, and was daydreaming about getting some.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> Cheaters will often bring up cheating as a way to get the stress off of themselves. Or make you feel afraid of bringing it up.
> 
> Have you checked his phone/text records for a number you don't know? That's used a lot?
> 
> My instinct is that he's dissatisfied with the marriage after 3 years, saw an opportunity to be in the town his old girlfriend is in for 7 weeks, and was daydreaming about getting some.


Yes but OP said he should go. Yet, H still persists to pout and building some resentment. If he was going to get some H would be packing for his 7 weeks of illicit whatever because OP said he should go. Not the case.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My husband had to go away for work for 2 weeks and I wasn't happy about it, lol. I thought they should have flown him home for the weekend.

No spouse should agree to that amount of time away without speaking to their spouse, that's just not right.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

> Yes but OP said he should go. Yet, H still persists to pout and building some resentment. If he was going to get some H would be packing for his 7 weeks of illicit whatever because OP said he should go. Not the case.


Maybe.

The current brouhaha to me is just poor communication skills. I would still look into the trip. Seems to me he's trying to manipulate it so that she feels she has no choice but to beg him to go. Seen it before.


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

spotthedeaddog said:


> sounds like the two of you REALLY have to do some "re-dating" and "re-discovery".
> 
> His actions and moods, strike me as danger ground for EA going PA. And honestly not terribly impressed about your attitude either.
> I would 100% bet that he's "not lying" about opportunity and advantages involved, but the mood etc seem misdirected for the trip - but that means things as usually bad on both sides at home (ie communication and trustful intimacy are no longer present.)



I agree with all of this.


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

I wouldn't be happy about a volunteered long trip and a place where his ex gf lives. He sounds aggravated with how you speak to him and was going to use work to get away from comments that he feels are judgemental, from you. I would wonder what he's thinking about to be as irritated in conversation as he is, with you. 

It's a good thing you shot down the trip as I don't think he was using it just to advance his career. He was using it as an excuse for personal space. I would rather hash out the issues of what's going on and work towards fixing the communication.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

spotthedeaddog said:


> sounds like the two of you REALLY have to do some "re-dating" and "re-discovery".
> 
> His actions and moods, strike me as danger ground for EA going PA. And honestly not terribly impressed about your attitude either.
> I would 100% bet that he's "not lying" about opportunity and advantages involved, but the mood etc seem misdirected for the trip - but that means things as usually bad on both sides at home (ie communication and trustful intimacy are no longer present.)


Her attitude? What about his attitude, accepting a job and being gone for 7 weeks without talking to her about it? I'm sure others would feel the same way if their spouse volunteered for a job for 7 weeks without talking to their spouse first. He is acting like a 20 year old not a 40 year old.


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

op is there a reason why you husband would want to be away from you for 7 weeks. Are you a nagging wife. Are you fun to be with. Can he be himself with you. What is really going on. do you think he is cheating on you


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You are right to be concerned

1. He is acting a little strange, with trips for 7 weeks without discussing it first with you and taking half days from work
2. warning bells should be going off right now
3. Do not say anything to him at the moment, be your usual self and just observe his behaviour and listen and wait
4. Check your phone bills, computer etc to see if there has been any unusual activity on social media accounts - do you have access
5. If he is planning something he may well be discussing over the phone, put a VAR in his car as it is likely he will do this on the way or home from work.

Do not let this slide, something is not right.


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## happynconfused (Feb 28, 2013)

I do have access to his accounts...bank, phone ect...I haven't found anything. I talked to him last night and asked him how he would feel if I did that to him. He said he understands and apologized. Said he wasn't going to go unless I could have gone down on the weekends anyways. I told him I was just upset that he had made the decision to go in the first place without talking to me first. We do have a lot of fun together. But we are together ALL the time. I cant even go for a walk alone lol I am wondering if I should just leave it alone or ask him if he needs some time alone? He will say no cause he doesn't want me to think anything is wrong with us, but I really feel there is. I don't want to pester him though.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happynconfused said:


> I do have access to his accounts...bank, phone ect...I haven't found anything. I talked to him last night and asked him how he would feel if I did that to him. He said he understands and apologized. Said he wasn't going to go unless I could have gone down on the weekends anyways. I told him I was just upset that he had made the decision to go in the first place without talking to me first. We do have a lot of fun together. But we are together ALL the time. I cant even go for a walk alone lol I am wondering if I should just leave it alone or ask him if he needs some time alone? He will say no cause he doesn't want me to think anything is wrong with us, but I really feel there is. I don't want to pester him though.


Now your H understands a decision like this without discussing with you should not happen. It is 7 weeks and a major decision. It is not like a decision to run to the store for milk. As far as alone time, does H have a hobby that he can get his "me" time? For instance, I attend classic car shows once or twice a month. My W will sometime attend. Other times not. Sometimes I just cruise my classic for an hour to recharge my brain. In short, he needs to create his "me" time. It is not up to you. His happiness can only come from him.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why can't you go for a walk alone?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

turnera said:


> Why can't you go for a walk alone?


Leaving a popcorn trail I'm betting. :grin2:


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