# Scared and frustrated over hubby's decision



## b28 (Mar 31, 2011)

I need to vent and talk about this, I don't have very many ppl I can/want to talk to about it. My husband and I just went bankrupt, it will be discharged in 20 days. We let two cars go back. One was 470$/month and other was 260$/month. We had thousands of dollars in medical bills and other debts. Over the past few years, my husband's jobs haven't worked out very well (long story, but most were not his fault). I don't have a college degree. I worked full time at 8.50/ hour the past three years up until last August. I quit b/c I wasn't making anything after daycare and gasoline costs. We have four children, 2 from his previous marriage and 2 of our own so needless to say, we have been struggling financially for a long time. We struggled for so long trying to pay all of our bills. We would go overdrawn in our checking account before the next pay check everytime and would have anywhere from100-400$ in overdraft charges so that much would be gone right when the check came in. After we filed BK, my husband got a really good job as a director of an agency that is just getting started and up and running in our area. However, it doesn't start for about another week and he hasnt been told yet what his salary will be. It should be anywhere from 65,000-100,000 which is great but so many jobs and other things have fell through or havent gone the way we thought they would over the past few years that I'm not getting my hopes up too much. Anyways, My husband's son is turning 16 next week and he was able to get a loan for a car for his son. The payments are goin to be 250 a month and I am scared to death that we are going to be in trouble again and if things don't go right, thoughts of leaving him have crossed my mind. I don't know what else to do. I've had enough of his poor judgments regarding finances and don't think he can change. We are so opposite when it comes to spending money. My husband is sure this new job is going to work out. I really hope it does. He asked me what I thought about it, but he already had his mind made up and had gotten his son all excited. I told him exactly what I thought. Don't think I'm a push over, I didn't have any problem yelling at him and telling him what I thought. I feel like its a bad and stupid decision right after a bankruptcy, actually, I know it is. That's what bothers me so much. It's so obvious and it makes me look bad too. He receives a decent income from self-employment but you just never know. The new job seems like it will work out and will pay great but I am scared to death due to past experience. I'm also afraid of what my parent's are goin to think/say/do. It took a long long time for my dad to really warm up to my husband and my parents own our house and have been paying for it for the past few years b/c of all our financial problems.(we are supposed to be paying them the monthly mortgage payment) And besides that, they have loaned us thousands of dollars over the past few years helping us when we really needed it. They were really mad and upset when we made the bad decision of buying another vehicle a couple of years ago and we couldn't really afford it. They don't take lightly to these things(Not that they should) but it puts an incredible amount of stress on me when my parents are not pleased with us and it takes a long time for the relationship to get back to normal. Does anyone else have a similar situation and how do you deal with it and get past it?


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## maddiesmommy (Mar 31, 2011)

I'm in financial turmoil, but our circumstances are very different. I feel for you however. A husband and wife should be making these decisions together. Just filing bankruptcy and then taking out a loan for his son is foolish. Your husband needs a wake up call because your parents are not always going to be there to bail you both out. My grandparents have helped my husband and I out a few times and it takes a toll. 

Your husband sounds like he needs to get his priorities in order as well as take a few financial responsibility classes. Sounds like you guys need to have a 'no holds barred' conversation on the status of your finances and marriage. I really hope that this job works out for him and you all get in a better place and take the burden off your parents as well.

But if it doesn't you can't do much for your husband, if he doesn't want help. You need to do whats best for you, your children, and your family.

I hope any words of encouragement help, and I hope you can agree together what your next steps are.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sorry you are going through this. I really do understand though. It's darn near impossible to have a marriage when both spouses are on the opposite ends of financial responsibility. I've been fighting that battle for more than 20 years; and I'm also filing for bankruptcy. 

How on earth did your husband get a car loan? I can't see how he managed to do that in the midst of BK. Even so, it further demonstrates his disregard for your family's financial well-being. A 16 year old is not required to have a car. None of my teenagers have cars. This does demonstrate where your husband's priorities lie. He places luxuries above necessities. My estranged husband does the same thing. 

That's great your husband is getting a high paying job. However, he doesn't need to spend money he doesn't have. And quiet honestly, I've learned a valuable lesson on this front as well. It doesn't matter how much a person makes, a spend thrift like your husband (& mine) will manage to go through that money in a flash too. It's time you and your husband make a budget and stick to it. If your husband is unwilling to do that, you may want to consider separating. I know I should have gotten firmer with my husband before he took our whole family down.

Good luck!


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