# My Wife is a selfish person and I am the opposite



## Catvegas22 (6 d ago)

Thank you all for the great advice 🙏


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Catvegas22 said:


> It’s driving me insane Need advice.


I agree, you are insane to put up with these cheap tricks by her.

My first thought would be that you need put your wife in her place.

Then, I said no, that would only create a war.
She is too selfish, and self centered to even understand your point.

Then I thought about it some more.
Yes, put her in her place.

Her place should be apart from you, divorced and never seen or heard of again.

Why?

Her value is in the red.
She has no value, she is morally bankrupt.

If you differ from this viewpoint please tell us her good qualities, if any.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

When was the last time you told your wife no?

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Unfortunately you have married a very selfish self centered person.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Catvegas22 said:


> So I’ve been married to my wife for 7 years now, and I’ve always notice she was a bit greedy. She literally will hoard something in order to not give it away and it’s becoming an issue and it’s bothering me and I don’t know what to do. My sister and brother and I grew up with a single mother that worked three jobs when our father left us to be with a younger women and now that all three of us make a great living, we tend to every now and then spoil our mother. My wife has an issue with this and says we don’t owe our mother anything. My mother struggles financially, so just because my mother buys my son gifts on a budget she’ll complain that my mother bought a cheap toy or cheap clothes off the Clarence rack. We had a nice dinner for our mothers 70th birthday and she become upset that I helped pay for the dinner along with my two siblings also pitching in, I have to hide helping my mother, I don’t know what to do anymore. This is not healthy. I should be able to be grateful for what my mother has sacrifice for us, and now that I’m making a decent living wage I should be able to spoil my mother as I please. My wife will take from her parents even though she knows they are suffering financially because they are both handicap and it bothers me. She knows that they don’t have the income and they’re barely making it and she will still take from them. If someone buys our son two gifts she will literally add up what they spent on a gift, and then return she will get a gift that’s the same amount when it comes to giving a gift , if there’s a potluck, and we take food, when it’s time to leave she will take the food that we brought back home and not just leave it. It’s driving me insane Need advice.


Does your wife work? Has she ever worked for any extended period of time so that she has any appreciation of money? Has she ever supported herself all by herself?


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

Catvegas22 said:


> So I’ve been married to my wife for 7 years now, and I’ve always notice she was a bit greedy.


Take responsibility for what you have known. This is yours.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Jesus dude, you sound like a meek, weak doormat. I don't care what anyone might say, but personally I wouldn't put up with that kind of **** from no woman. If I decide to spent some money on my mother and my wife would attack my decision and gets upset, I would immediately put a stop to that in no time; actually immediately.

You need to do the proverbial saying " to attach your balls from wherever you left them hanging and give your wife an ultimatum to never, ever again to bring this kind of **** to you.and that if she doesn't like to not let the door hit her on her way out. Damned, I don't have the temperament to put up with this type of crap. My first wife try to pull this kind of **** once when I needed to help my brother with some money. That was the end of it. I made it crystal clear that if she didn't like it that the door was wide open for her to leave. I meant it, and she knew it.

You are treated the way that you allow people to treat you.

Actually, what I don't understand is why are you with someone like her?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Was she always like this or did something happen?


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## Catvegas22 (6 d ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Does your wife work? Has she ever worked for any extended period of time so that she has any appreciation of money? Has she ever supported herself all by herself?


Yes my wife works, we both have amazing jobs that pay well, and we just had our son. I am trying to teach my son to be kind hearted to always give to never be selfish. My wife spoils our son! I was raised very poor, so now that I make a very decent wage, and we are very fortunate in our lives. I love giving back. My wife and the other hand was raised with extremely rich grandparents, yet I come to find out that her grandparents. Specially your grandmother was a very greedy person, so I’m guessing this is where it comes from.


ccpowerslave said:


> Was she always like this or did something happen?


when we first met, she was kind hearted sweet yet I did see a little bit of greediness when they came to food. Once we started living together I noticed that she held onto things. I don’t know if it’s a hoarding situation or if it’s just greediness of not wanting anyone else to have it. Once I bought my own house, she became very bitter because I give away things to people that are needy, even if it’s a brand, new shirt or shoes. She will get upset that I gave away clothes or shoes that my son no longer wears. I think it is bothering me because I don’t want my son ever growing up to believe that this is how a human being is to act. I want him to be kind and generous because we are very fortunate to have what we have I want him to always know that there are people that are less fortunate, and we need to always remember to lend a hand not turn our backs


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Interesting, this seems like a fundamental incompatibility that you’d figure out quickly.

I am not selfish at all especially with money, but I don’t like giving money to deadbeats. I asked my wife to not inform me in the cases where she is giving money to people where I’d be angry (family) and consequently I’m never angry about it because I don’t even know about it. If you have plenty this is maybe a solution worth considering.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

I would say my wife and I are similar, though I wouldn't say my wife is selfish she is just not generous. After 20 years she has learned to accept me being generous and doesn't question it and I keep my mouth shut if I think she's being stingy. It's a pretty big personality difference and yours sounds extreme. Neither of you will change so you're going to have to learn to both ignore the others tendencies, you keep on being generous let her be stingy. Extremes either way can be bad so perhaps the exposure to both will actually benefit your child.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You and your wife just disagree philosophically I think. My best advice is help those who help themselves and not deadbeats. Don't be so extreme with your child that she feels you're indoctrinating him on something she doesn't agree with. I think there's plenty of room on both sides for compromise. Why not just involve her when you have a pile of stuff you want to give away. 

I only give to animal charities as a rule and that way I don't have to worry about enabling someone who isn't holding up their own end. I know where you're coming from though because your mom struggled. So I hope you're helping people who are deserving.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

How is your communication with her about this issue? Meaning, does she realize how much it bothers you, and how much you want to be generous?

My approach would be to discuss this openly and come to an agreeable amount of generosity that's acceptable.

If you both can agree on...say $250 per month worth of giving, then you can be generous but there's a cap that she's agreed to.

Somehow you need to find a middle ground that you both are ok with. She has to give a little, and so do you.

If you can't agree then that's a problem for a marriage counselor. Or a divorce lawyer.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Catvegas22 said:


> Yes my wife works, we both have amazing jobs that pay well, and we just had our son. I am trying to teach my son to be kind hearted to always give to never be selfish. My wife spoils our son! I was raised very poor, so now that I make a very decent wage, and we are very fortunate in our lives. I love giving back. My wife and the other hand was raised with extremely rich grandparents, yet I come to find out that her grandparents. Specially your grandmother was a very greedy person, so I’m guessing this is where it comes from.
> 
> when we first met, she was kind hearted sweet yet I did see a little bit of greediness when they came to food. Once we started living together I noticed that she held onto things. I don’t know if it’s a hoarding situation or if it’s just greediness of not wanting anyone else to have it. Once I bought my own house, she became very bitter because I give away things to people that are needy, even if it’s a brand, new shirt or shoes. She will get upset that I gave away clothes or shoes that my son no longer wears. I think it is bothering me because I don’t want my son ever growing up to believe that this is how a human being is to act. I want him to be kind and generous because we are very fortunate to have what we have I want him to always know that there are people that are less fortunate, and we need to always remember to lend a hand not turn our backs


A few points. You’re painting yourself as a kind saint who gives yours and your son’s things to the needy, spoils your mother, yet your wife has to be ok with this, and also you want your son to go without so he can understand you and your way. Why is it ok that your son watches you be kind and giving to others, his mother is not allowed to spoil him, yet you can spoil your mother? He has to be unselfish, but you freely get to take away from your wife and son, to spoil ‘the needy’ as you call them. This is a confusing message to send to your wife and child. They should be benefitting from your goodness and kindness. Seems an enormous double standard and I can understand why your wife is holding onto things - because you like giving them to others. 

Second of all. You’re not married to your mum. I hear how wonderful you are, how wonderful you and yourself are, how deserving and wonderful your mother is. And how your wife and son are beneath you. You had it worse than your son, your mum had it worse than your wife, your wife is greedy and selfish, you’re awesome and kind because you’d give the short off your son’s back to a stranger because you’re a better person. 

No. You have a wife and a son, you’re a married man. You build a life together. Your wife has her household interests in mind, and I’m glad she’s holding onto the wealth and ‘stuff’ and food and keeping it for her husband and son.

You don’t want your son to be spoiled, but you’re ok with spoiling everyone else, because they’re all more worthy. Read that again, and let it really sink in.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Oh boy two bad combos....cheap and greedy. What a selfish turd. It makes me wonder if shes committing elder abuse on her parents.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Luckylucky said:


> A few points. You’re painting yourself as a kind saint who gives yours and your son’s things to the needy, spoils your mother, yet your wife has to be ok with this, and also you want your son to go without so he can understand you and your way. Why is it ok that your son watches you be kind and giving to others, his mother is not allowed to spoil him, yet you can spoil your mother? He has to be unselfish, but you freely get to take away from your wife and son, to spoil ‘the needy’ as you call them. This is a confusing message to send to your wife and child. They should be benefitting from your goodness and kindness. Seems an enormous double standard and I can understand why your wife is holding onto things - because you like giving them to others.
> 
> Second of all. You’re not married to your mum. I hear how wonderful you are, how wonderful you and yourself are, how deserving and wonderful your mother is. And how your wife and son are beneath you. You had it worse than your son, your mum had it worse than your wife, your wife is greedy and selfish, you’re awesome and kind because you’d give the short off your son’s back to a stranger because you’re a better person.
> 
> ...



Damned, you come across worse than his wife. Plus s lot more suppositions than he implied.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Catvegas22 said:


> and now that I’m making a decent living wage I should be able to spoil my mother as I please.





Rob_1 said:


> Damned, you come across worse than his wife. Plus s lot more suppositions than he implied.


It’s because of quotes like the first one. When you have your own nuclear family (wife and kids) you can’t just do whatever you please with that family’s resources. So “as I please” when I read it I tripped over it.

My mom never had a Hermes Birkin Bag and I feel like paying gray market to spoil her even if it costs a year of college tuition for my kid. “As I please…”. Um, no.

On the other hand his wife sounds super cheap to the point of being irritating.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

Catvegas22 said:


> So I’ve been married to my wife for 7 years now, and I’ve always notice she was a bit greedy. She literally will hoard something in order to not give it away and it’s becoming an issue and it’s bothering me and I don’t know what to do. My sister and brother and I grew up with a single mother that worked three jobs when our father left us to be with a younger women and now that all three of us make a great living, we tend to every now and then spoil our mother. My wife has an issue with this and says we don’t owe our mother anything. My mother struggles financially, so just because my mother buys my son gifts on a budget she’ll complain that my mother bought a cheap toy or cheap clothes off the Clarence rack. We had a nice dinner for our mothers 70th birthday and she become upset that I helped pay for the dinner along with my two siblings also pitching in, I have to hide helping my mother, I don’t know what to do anymore. This is not healthy. I should be able to be grateful for what my mother has sacrifice for us, and now that I’m making a decent living wage I should be able to spoil my mother as I please. My wife will take from her parents even though she knows they are suffering financially because they are both handicap and it bothers me. She knows that they don’t have the income and they’re barely making it and she will still take from them. If someone buys our son two gifts she will literally add up what they spent on a gift, and then return she will get a gift that’s the same amount when it comes to giving a gift , if there’s a potluck, and we take food, when it’s time to leave she will take the food that we brought back home and not just leave it. It’s driving me insane Need advice.


@Catvegas22, what do you want. Yes, your wife is a greedy, self-absorbed, insensitive human. 
You picked her; I'm gonna say this again for the people in the back; you picked her.
Now, are you weary of being victim? Are you ready to say enough is enough? Or will you be the person who complains; who says 'why me.'
Your choice, always has been.


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## Catvegas22 (6 d ago)

harperlee said:


> @Catvegas22, what do you want. Yes, your wife is a greedy, self-absorbed, insensitive human.
> You picked her; I'm gonna say this again for the people in the back; you picked her.
> Now, are you weary of being victim? Are you ready to say enough is enough? Or will you be the person who complains; who says 'why me.'
> Your choice, always has been.


I guess was looking for advice on how people handle situation such as this, I know that picking a partner we’re not the same but we look for a partner that’s compatible. And I can say that we are super compatible it’s just as one thing that bothers me. And part of me continues to fight myself and wonder should I put up with this? Is this what I truly want or should I just walk away and ask for a divorce?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I think financial arguments are up there with the leading causes of divorce. In terms of solutions a couple workable ones are presented here in terms of raw finance for you; however I don’t know how you fix someone who counts up birthday presents and decides to only spend $19.99. That’s pathological.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think financial arguments are up there with the leading causes of divorce. In terms of solutions a couple workable ones are presented here in terms of raw finance for you; however I don’t know how you fix someone who counts up birthday presents and decides to only spend $19.99. That’s pathological.


It’s an issue if he is giving more, but remember he did mention that his own family are the ones spending very little on gifts. While he is lavishing his mother, while giving away new items that are his sons to other people. I am hoping that he spends the same on his wife and child. OP, do you spoil your son and wife too with expensive gifts? It’s a list showing a lot of double standards and discrepancies. The rules clearly don’t apply to his wife. She is held to a completely different standard. And criticised for it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Catvegas22 said:


> I know that picking a partner we’re not the same but we look for a partner that’s compatible. And I can say that we are super compatible it’s just as one thing that bothers me.


Unfortunately, the one thing that bothers you is a pretty major part of marriage. Granted, all couples have differences, but I think when it comes to money, whether or not to have children, and basic religious beliefs (or lack thereof), two people should be singing on the same page.

Personally, I cannot stand selfish/greedy/cheap people. This may be a deal breaker for you, or it may not. Only you can ultimately decide if you can tolerate her greediness or not.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

Catvegas22 said:


> I guess was looking for advice on how people handle situation such as this, I know that picking a partner we’re not the same but we look for a partner that’s compatible. And I can say that we are super compatible it’s just as one thing that bothers me. And part of me continues to fight myself and wonder should I put up with this? Is this what I truly want or should I just walk away and ask for a divorce?


In my opinion, your wife is being a jerk. 
Do not allow any person tell you what to do about that except to say you are not wrong in this, trust yourself.
You may not need a divorce so much as standing up for yourself.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Have you ever directly discussed any of this with your wife?


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