# Congratulations to Me!



## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Today is the 'official' 9yr anniversary of my marriage! 

9 years ago I married my sweetheart, the only women in my 34 years on the planet that ever got me to even consider the idea of marriage.
We spent 2 weeks in Kauai scuba diving and talking about our plans for the future together - magical to say the least.
Our families are best friends - our moms shop together, my father and brother in law joined my dad and I in a traditional hunting trip I've been going on since I was 12yrs old. Everyone comes to home for Thanksgiving. We have moved 4 times together, are awesome at buying, renovating and selling homes for profit. 
4.5yrs ago we had a wonderful little girl, whom we both think is magical. We rescue animals and have had several bless our home together.
Our history isn't perfect but most of it is pretty darn cool.
She reached the pinnacle of her career a few years ago and loves it and I reached mine six months ago and love it and we live well.
18 months ago she was diagnosed with Fybromialgia - has had a lot of ups and downs and can't have any more children.
6 months ago she started to change, based on constantly changing meds etc.
2 months ago she dumped me (separated) and told me she fell in love with someone else
3 weeks ago I started 180 in earnest
Today I am wondering what the hell it all means....?


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Wow. Perhaps it is meds? It could be also that she took Fibromyalgia diagnoses as some sort of life changing event and now wants to experience everything in life without you been part of it? Other possibility could be is that she loves you, but does not want to burden you by making you taking care of her when hard times hit? Than again Fibromyalgia is not a life ending illness, it is debilitating illness but properly managed, people can still live long and happy life.
Have you talked to her? Keep in mind Fibromyalgia can contribute to severe depression.
Please talk to her FIRST. She still trying to cope with this illness and medications do not help as far as her mental state concern. She probably needs your full support and not isolation, she is confused.
Please talk to her first, perhaps IC for her is in order as well.
Are you sure that she has someone else? Hire PI, to make sure.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

McDean said:


> Today is the 'official' 9yr anniversary of my marriage!
> 
> 9 years ago I married my sweetheart, the only women in my 34 years on the planet that ever got me to even consider the idea of marriage.
> We spent 2 weeks in Kauai scuba diving and talking about our plans for the future together - magical to say the least.
> ...


"Today I am wondering what the hell it all means....?" People change/Go Bonkers!!! You've lived long enough to know this by now. Don't ever extrapolate the past forward.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

What meds is she on? Neurotin? Gabapebtin? Celexa? Some of these can change personality, especially celexa (is also an SSRI and anti d)...sometimes the docs use tegatrol which is not only a neuropathic pain med but an anti convulsant and anti psychotic med.

I'm taking an educated guess toward the meds changing personality.

(I have MS, they use some of the same meds for MS too)


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

She has tried a few of those, I can't list them all by memory because she also has restless leg and depression - but the main one for Fibro is Lyrica now which has actually made her the most normal I've seen her in 90 days. I'm standing by her at this point, but sadly I can't do much if she walks away...


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Sounds like a midlife crisis more than meds. Lyrica is an SSRI and can cause personality changes too. Perhaps she isn't the woman you thought she was after all.

I'd say midlife crisis that is exacerbated by meds and her fibro diagnosis. The omg I'm sick and need to experience life in the fast lane before I regret my sound choices before I die method of thinking while she illogically blows her life and the people in it to hell in a hand basket (also known as being selfish and making self centered decisions)


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

cantepe said:


> sounds like a midlife crisis more than meds. Lyrica is an ssri and can cause personality changes too. Perhaps she isn't the woman you thought she was after all.
> 
> I'd say midlife crisis that is exacerbated by meds and her fibro diagnosis. The omg i'm sick and need to experience life in the fast lane before i regret my sound choices before i die method of thinking while she illogically blows her life and the people in it to hell in a hand basket (also known as being selfish and making self centered decisions)


which btw is the best time to get a great settlement in the divorce!!!!


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

CantePe said:


> Sounds like a midlife crisis more than meds. Lyrica is an SSRI and can cause personality changes too. Perhaps she isn't the woman you thought she was after all.
> 
> I'd say midlife crisis that is exacerbated by meds and her fibro diagnosis. The omg I'm sick and need to experience life in the fast lane before I regret my sound choices before I die method of thinking while she illogically blows her life and the people in it to hell in a hand basket (also known as being selfish and making self centered decisions)


Bingo! My IC and I are 100% convinced she is in an MLC - she had three stressors that fit the bill plus about 85% of the symptoms for an MLC....I've told her and then immediately went 100% on 180 because you can do absolutely nothing about an MLC but listen if/when they want to talk. Ironically she bought me gifts today for our anniversary. At this point if she asked to R I would if she agreed to MC but I also told her infidelity is a deal breaker....and secretly I know I won't wait around forever and there is no telling when someone will come out of an MLC....


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

McDean said:


> Today is the 'official' 9yr anniversary of my marriage!
> 
> 9 years ago I married my sweetheart, the only women in my 34 years on the planet that ever got me to even consider the idea of marriage.
> We spent 2 weeks in Kauai scuba diving and talking about our plans for the future together - magical to say the least.
> ...


Have you exposed the affair to your families? To the OM's family? 

Bringing the affair out can have a great affect on killing it.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

McDean - based on this thread and many of the other threads you have posted here, you have a wife with typical middle life angst. To a certain extent, everyone goes through this type of thing whether male or female. I include myself. Feelings of regret. Things you missed out on in life. Things you did in your youth which you can no longer do. Etc. Etc. For most mature people these thoughts are fleeting and you come to a place of WTF was I thinking, I have a great life. Enough already.

Your wife is no doubt doing all these things but she has the double whammy of Fibro and takes drugs like Gabapentin and Lyrica. You also mention she has restless leg syndrome. She has probably taken drugs like Mirapex or other dopamine agonists. All these drugs can screw with your head and exacerbate normal mid life angst and take it to a place where the person is darn near unrecognizable and the person does incredibly foolish things. The perfect storm of dysfunction.

What can you do about this? Not much. Just continue to be a rock solid person and be there when needed but otherwise detached. A person like your wife will have to heal herself. Assuming she wants to be healed...

You can't stay in limbo long McDean. Ultimately limbo becomes a very unhealthy place for you and limbo will screw up your own mental and physical health. You will have to pull the plug on this (even if you don't want to) or you will go over to the dark side yourself. Your daughter needs a healthy Daddy. Make sure she has at least one functioning parent.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

So she left you to go bang another dude on top of everything else and you are standing by her? A little confused here.

Are you holding her hand while she has "fun" with her POS?

The picture is unclear here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Absurdist said:


> McDean - based on this thread and many of the other threads you have posted here, you have a wife with typical middle life angst. To a certain extent, everyone goes through this type of thing whether male or female. I include myself. Feelings of regret. Things you missed out on in life. Things you did in your youth which you can no longer do. Etc. Etc. For most mature people these thoughts are fleeting and you come to a place of WTF was I thinking, I have a great life. Enough already.
> 
> Your wife is no doubt doing all these things but she has the double whammy of Fibro and takes drugs like Gabapentin and Lyrica. You also mention she has restless leg syndrome. She has probably taken drugs like Mirapex or other dopamine agonists. All these drugs can screw with your head and exacerbate normal mid life angst and take it to a place where the person is darn near unrecognizable and the person does incredibly foolish things. The perfect storm of dysfunction.
> 
> ...


Good thoughts/points! It's been top of mind that I will have to build a life for my daughter and I at some point for sure. Sad reality of course because my wife was a truly wonderful person and mother. She never got a chance to cheat with the guy she thought she fell in love with ( who she now admits she doesn't) because he is my friend and when she approached him it was in a public place and he told her to get her s**t together. So I had others who could verify what went down, he didn't know about all the mess because we had purposely kept it on the down low, now he feels bad he was so harsh but it probably helped her. 

The fact that she did it in a public place speaks to her lack of forethought and judgement. 

In the end I can give it some more time and stand by her but as mentioned my little girl comes first and will need some stability sooner rather than later.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

McDean said:


> Good thoughts/points! It's been top of mind that I will have to build a life for my daughter and I at some point for sure. Sad reality of course because my wife was a truly wonderful person and mother. She never got a chance to cheat with the guy she thought she fell in love with ( who she now admits she doesn't) because he is my friend and when she approached him it was in a public place and he told her to get her s**t together. So I had others who could verify what went down, he didn't know about all the mess because we had purposely kept it on the down low, now he feels bad he was so harsh but it probably helped her.
> 
> The fact that she did it in a public place speaks to her lack of forethought and judgement.
> 
> In the end I can give it some more time and stand by her but as mentioned my little girl comes first and will need some stability sooner rather than later.


Your wife wouldn't have put him on the spot, in public, with witnesses if nothing between them hadn't already happen between them two!!!! There's a reason those rumors about them came out!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## McDean (Jun 13, 2015)

Tobyboy said:


> Your wife wouldn't have put him on the spot, in public, with witnesses if nothing between them hadn't already happen between them two!!!! There's a reason those rumors about them came out!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That thought has crossed my mind as well. Since that night however they have not been able to see each other because my wife is at my in laws 4 states a way. So I will probably never know for sure. She swears no as does he.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

McDean said:


> That thought has crossed my mind as well. Since that night however they have not been able to see each other because my wife is at my in laws 4 states a way. So I will probably never know for sure. She swears no as does he.


Look dude, she moved out to pursue your friend!!! This grand gesture was to proof that she was willing to throw away everything for him!!! This wasn't a crush as she claims. This was a full blown physical affair!!!
Problem for your wife.....your friend was in it just for the free pvssy.

You got played by both!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

McDean said:


> That thought has crossed my mind as well. Since that night however they have not been able to see each other because my wife is at my in laws 4 states a way. So I will probably never know for sure. She swears no as does he.


I'm an idiot. She's been away at her parents since she got dumped... What....a week ago? And she still bought you an anniversary today?

Yeah. Ok. 

I'm out on this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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