# feeling lost



## ljones (Mar 7, 2017)

a few years back my husband had an affair after 20 plus years of marriage. He ended it after a while and all was well. I noticed some of the same activity on our computer this last few weeks. I have not forgiven him for the first time and am having a hard time being with him. I have had enough and I am disgusted.


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## lorikeet25 (Jun 22, 2016)

It sounds like it is time to make an exit plan.


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## ljones (Mar 7, 2017)

lately it is getting so close to just call it quits. I just can't worry about him anymore. My life is changed dramatically since everything has gone on. I have completely shut my self out. I need to get back to the old me


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## Grapes (Oct 21, 2016)

How long ago was the first affair? What did he do to help you heal and get to "all is well"? 

What if he isnt cheating again? would you still want to leave? 

Answering this will help determine your next steps. If you still want out regardless then start planning. If you dont know then do more snooping. Wheres there is smoke there is fire and its not your first rodeo.


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## ljones (Mar 7, 2017)

the first time was 2 1/2 years ago with a much younger girl he met on the internet who lives in colorado. He was very open about it and very smug. He told me to my face what he was doing and he laughed about it every day. He gave up on our family and grandchildren. Stayed in the bedroom all day and night. He was recently retired. He came out for a few minutes to eat dinner with me. He even bought tickets to go with her, and was mad when all the kids turned him down for a ride to the airport. He would even go to the point of telling me all about her and things they would talk about. He never ended up going and he said that was a good thing for me. That meant he still had feelings for me. I'm not sure exactly what happened but it ended. For a few months all was good. I had lost all feeling I had for him by then. I tried very hard to get back those feelings but it never happened. Then came the part when he wanted me to go with other guys. That was a NO!!! He supposedly got off that subject and we were getting by but recently computer activity has been back to the same and lying to me about what he does all day. He didnt do anything to help us. He thinks all is good as long as he gets what he wants.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

ljones said:


> the first time was 2 1/2 years ago with a much younger girl he met on the internet who lives in colorado. He was very open about it and very smug. He told me to my face what he was doing and he laughed about it every day. He gave up on our family and grandchildren. Stayed in the bedroom all day and night. He was recently retired. He came out for a few minutes to eat dinner with me. He even bought tickets to go with her, and was mad when all the kids turned him down for a ride to the airport. He would even go to the point of telling me all about her and things they would talk about. He never ended up going and he said that was a good thing for me. That meant he still had feelings for me. I'm not sure exactly what happened but it ended. For a few months all was good. I had lost all feeling I had for him by then. I tried very hard to get back those feelings but it never happened. Then came the part when he wanted me to go with other guys. That was a NO!!! He supposedly got off that subject and we were getting by but recently computer activity has been back to the same and lying to me about what he does all day. He didnt do anything to help us. He thinks all is good as long as he gets what he wants.


This is sickening. WHY would you even WANT to stay with someone who treated you this way?? Cheating is bad enough, but to be a blatant ass about it like this?? No one deserves that kind of treatment. 

LET HIM GO.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Yeah, **** that guy and the computer he rode in on. What an unmitigated jackass. I hope his itty-bitty wee-wee falls off. And, stop cooking for the son-of-a-*****.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ljones said:


> the first time was 2 1/2 years ago with a much younger girl he met on the internet who lives in colorado. He was very open about it and very smug. He told me to my face what he was doing and he laughed about it every day. He gave up on our family and grandchildren. Stayed in the bedroom all day and night. He was recently retired. He came out for a few minutes to eat dinner with me. He even bought tickets to go with her, and was mad when all the kids turned him down for a ride to the airport. He would even go to the point of telling me all about her and things they would talk about. He never ended up going and he said that was a good thing for me. That meant he still had feelings for me. I'm not sure exactly what happened but it ended. For a few months all was good. I had lost all feeling I had for him by then. I tried very hard to get back those feelings but it never happened. Then came the part when he wanted me to go with other guys. That was a NO!!! He supposedly got off that subject and we were getting by but recently computer activity has been back to the same and lying to me about what he does all day. He didnt do anything to help us. He thinks all is good as long as he gets what he wants.


I'll tell you the same thing I told my mother. If you are thinking you are staying because you are financially safe or stable with this man you are not. I person who behaves like that is ripe to be taken advantage of by some young girl with a scheme to get his money. He is a very big risk. Not to mention he is garbage.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

ljones said:


> a few years back my husband had an affair after 20 plus years of marriage. He ended it after a while and all was well


You don't know that. You can't know that. From what you wrote about him I would tend to think otherwise.


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## lorikeet25 (Jun 22, 2016)

Yeah as scary as it may be, you need to go. I'm sorry


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

This is horrible, I hope you can find the strength to move on.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

ljones said:


> He was very open about it and very smug.... He told me to my face what he was doing and he laughed about it every day.... He gave up on our family and grandchildren.... He would even go to the point of telling me all about her and things they would talk about.... Then came the part when he wanted me to go with other guys.


Read what you've said about him. Really read it. Now imagine how you would feel if your daughter was being treated this way. You have described one of the most loathsome, despicable personalities I've ever seen here on TAM. You made a huge mistake not leaving this jerk years ago. I encourage you to consider this moment as your redeeming opportunity to make it right by blindsiding this guy with divorce papers and not looking back. Familiarize yourself with the 180 and make an exit plan to ditch this guy.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

ljones said:


> the first time was 2 1/2 years ago with a much younger girl he met on the internet who lives in colorado. *He was very open about it and very smug. He told me to my face what he was doing and he laughed about it every day*. He gave up on our family and grandchildren. Stayed in the bedroom all day and night. He was recently retired. He came out for a few minutes to eat dinner with me. He even bought tickets to go with her, and was mad when all the kids turned him down for a ride to the airport. *He would even go to the point of telling me all about her and things they would talk about. * He never ended up going and he said that was a good thing for me. That meant he still had feelings for me. I'm not sure exactly what happened but it ended. For a few months all was good. I had lost all feeling I had for him by then. I tried very hard to get back those feelings but it never happened. *Then came the part when he wanted me to go with other guys. * That was a NO!!! He supposedly got off that subject and we were getting by but recently computer activity has been back to the same and lying to me about what he does all day. He didnt do anything to help us. He thinks all is good as long as he gets what he wants.


OMG, get away from this man. Plan your exit and get away. Secretly talk to a lawyer and plan carefully. Get as much of his retirement as you can. He is *poison* to you. You will be so much happier away from him. Run.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Unfortunately cheaters often cheat again. He may have cheated before and you did not catch him. I know plenty of guys who cheat their entire marriage and maybe get caught once or twice. I only had my ex fiancee cheat on me, but I could not picture living with knots in my stomach every time she came home late from work or went on a business trip. My life would be living suspicious of my wife all the time and I could not do that. Plus she would have resented my being suspicious of her all the time and that would have probably driven her to another guy. You have learned what I learned a long time ago, a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior. You either look the other way as many wives/husbands do or leave him. The choice is yours, not ours.


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## flyhigher (Jun 23, 2016)

Honey, you need to soldier up and GO! this ******* is treating you terribly, and no on deserves that. This is about self respect, now; you cannot let a man treat you so poorly; your children are watching!

I hope you find strength. <3 lean on friends and family.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

Is he mentally ill? Is he contemptuous of you for some reason (did you have an affair at some point)?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Jessica38 said:


> Is he mentally ill? Is he contemptuous of you for some reason (did you have an affair at some point)?


I know, right? There's gotta be more to this story.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

ljones said:


> the first time was 2 1/2 years ago with a much younger girl he met on the internet who lives in colorado. He was very open about it and very smug. He told me to my face what he was doing and he laughed about it every day. He gave up on our family and grandchildren. Stayed in the bedroom all day and night. He was recently retired. He came out for a few minutes to eat dinner with me. He even bought tickets to go with her, and was mad when all the kids turned him down for a ride to the airport. He would even go to the point of telling me all about her and things they would talk about. He never ended up going and he said that was a good thing for me. That meant he still had feelings for me. I'm not sure exactly what happened but it ended. For a few months all was good. I had lost all feeling I had for him by then. I tried very hard to get back those feelings but it never happened. Then came the part when he wanted me to go with other guys. That was a NO!!! He supposedly got off that subject and we were getting by but recently computer activity has been back to the same and lying to me about what he does all day. He didnt do anything to help us. He thinks all is good as long as he gets what he wants.


Your WH sounds sick in the head. Get rid of him fast as you can, there is no future with this loser. What he is doing is emotional abuse as well as cheating. His rubbing your face in it is abhorrent, do not tolerate this. Tell your family and kids what he is doing and then you all kick him to the curb.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Immediately "180 Him!" 

Then you need to be in a good family attorney's office being advised of your property rights and planning an exit strategy!

Enough is enough!*


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