# I'll never understand stbxw



## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

Ok, I have been dealing with our situation for over a year now. Wife had an emotional affair with coworker. She is still talking to him and just went back to work at same place with him. 

She has moved out for the 3rd time and said she is not coming back after this time. She's been gone for couple weeks this time. We have a 7yr old son and a new baby (4 weeks old girl) together so I see wife everyday. 

Problem is, I'm still in love with her but no its not going to work. She spent the night over here 2 nights last week because "it was late". We slept in the same bed and she doesnt mind if I hold her during the night. She is currently staying at her sisters. 

We'll I have been talking to this other woman only as friends. Today wife called her my girlfriend (completely not true) and I corrected her since she said it in front of our son. 

Anyways I told wife this morning before she went off to work I think she should get all her stuff out of the house. She said she doesn't have anywhere to put it. She said how about Wednesday. Well earlier tonight I was suppose to go out with a buddy and she said she would get all her stuff when I'm out. Well while she was at work today, I took it upon myself and did her the favor of gathering a her stuff up for her. I even put it at the front door for her. I also went to my Facebook page and took down about being married to her and changed it to single. Also stopped following her on instragram. Any time we get into it about our marriage she is emotionless. Well tonight was different. She started balling when she walked through that front door. Started going off about how she is the mother of our children and she would never do this to me. Oh that set me off inside. I kept cool though and responded that I would never do what she did to me to her. She called her mother because she needed help getting all the stuff. She asked me who has been influencing me to step up like this. I told her, "no one has. I'm tired of being a doormat and I had to get your stuff out to help me heal and dettach from you. I told her she is evil and has a evil spirit with in her. I think that hurt her as well. I did not take these actions to hurt her because honestly, I thought she would react emotionless like she always does. I guess this was a dose of reality for her. 

Well anyways she took her stuff and said she will come back to get the kids for the night because we planned for her to keep them tonight. She doesn't come back here to get them until almost midnight. So she comes in and stands there and starts to cry. She asked me what happened for me to change all of a sudden. Says I was nice last night and now after she gets home I'm no the same. I told her I can't do this any longer. Crying saying I kicked her out. Correction, you already left!! I'm not going to lie. I felt bad for her and I wanted to give her a hug but I didn't anfstood firm in my decision. She is starting to see the new me. I've joined a gym. Starting to do more for myself and I know she is noticing because she told me the other day she is jealous of me because I get to go the the gym and also tan. 

There are sometimes I start to feel down about all this, but I'm trying to keep my mind on other stuff. 

Anyways, she kept wanting to ask questions tonight. I asked her," why do u even care. You haven't upto this point." she knows she had an emotional affair and admits it, but follows with they didn't have a relationship. So I think deep down She doesnt feel it was as bad as if they had a sexual affair. 

Before she left we rode up to McDonald's to get my son something to eat and we all got a meal. Sat outside on front porch and ate. When she left things were cooled down. We are trying to remain calm around our children. 

I guess I'll never understand how she can get involved emotionally (maybe sexual, but no proof) with another man and expect me to continue to be a doormat throughout all this. I think I was one for too long. Now that I stand up and not going to take it any longer, I'm just so mean and doing stuff she would never do to me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> She asked me who has been influencing me to step up like this. I told her, "no one has. I'm tired of being a doormat and I had to get your stuff out to help me heal and dettach from you. I told her she is evil and has a evil spirit with in her. I think that hurt her as well. I did not take these actions to hurt her because honestly, I thought she would react emotionless like she always does. I guess this was a dose of reality for her.





> So she comes in and stands there and starts to cry. She asked me what happened for me to change all of a sudden. Says I was nice last night and now after she gets home I'm no the same. I told her I can't do this any longer. Crying saying I kicked her out. Correction, you already left!! I'm not going to lie. I felt bad for her and I wanted to give her a hug but I didn't anfstood firm in my decision. She is starting to see the new me. I've joined a gym. Starting to do more for myself and I know she is noticing because she told me the other day she is jealous of me because I get to go the the gym and also tan.


Haha LOL! IN HER FACE 

Well done! If I was near where you live, I'll buy a beer mate, great job stepping up and no longer being a doormat!



> I guess I'll never understand how she can get involved emotionally (maybe sexual, but no proof) with another man and expect me to continue to be a doormat throughout all this. I think I was one for too long. Now that I stand up and not going to take it any longer, I'm just so mean and doing stuff she would never do to me.


She's starting to face the consequences of her actions, ironically truth be told you are actually helping her grow the fk up and realise what she's done.

It sounds as though she thought she could push you around because you're a nice guy but now she's realising differently. Not hard to understand, her behaviour is... well... typical.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

She cooked her own goose and she knows it. She knows deep down she has no future with this OM. But her Pride is keeping her from admitting she screwed up. There is nothing hard to understand about this. Pride has been the downfall of princes and paupers from the beginning of civilization. Her story is nothing out of the ordinary. 

Keep staying strong. The stronger and more self assured you get the weaker and more erratic she will become. You are doing everything right. Stay the course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Do you have proof that it wasn't physical ? It is already established that she is a liar. Head over to the CWI section and see how typical your story and how she is reacting to your show of strength. Keep doing this.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Also, expose the OM to his wife, if you haven't already. No one has an emotional affair for a year.. She is still lying


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

You have a wife with questionable behavior that you are not sure exactly what happened or how long it has been going on AND you have a 4 week old baby. Shake her to the core and tell her you want a paternity test.


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

*Re: Re: I'll never understand stbxw*



SaltInWound said:


> You have a wife with questionable behavior that you are not sure exactly what happened or how long it has been going on AND you have a 4 week old baby. Shake her to the core and tell her you want a paternity test.


Before the baby was born we talked and was going to do that, but our baby girl resembles me me greatly. Also everyone says she looks just like my son who also resembles me alot. There is no denying she is mine (not that I want to deny her as mine) . In a Maury voice, "I am the father" lol


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

*Re: Re: I'll never understand stbxw*



warlock07 said:


> Also, expose the OM to his wife, if you haven't already. No one has an emotional affair for a year.. She is still lying


His wife found out about this very shortly before I ever knew. He left his wife and as far as I know him and his wife are split up.


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## CommittedHusband (Aug 7, 2012)

*Re: Re: I'll never understand stbxw*



RandomDude said:


> Well done! If I was near where you live, I'll buy a beer mate, great job stepping up and no longer being a doormat!


Just outside of Indianapolis  

But honestly, it felt so great getting rid of all her stuff. Just woke up and I don't have to see any of her stuff


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

CommittedHusband said:


> Before the baby was born we talked and was going to do that, but our baby girl resembles me me greatly. Also everyone says she looks just like my son who also resembles me alot. There is no denying she is mine (not that I want to deny her as mine) . In a Maury voice, "I am the father" lol


 Doesn't matter if the baby resembles you or your other child. Doing the paternity test tells her you don't believe a word she tells you about the details of this affair......duration, amount of involvement, etc. The point is to get her to understand the severity of what she has done.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Do you have proof that it wasn't physical ? It is already established that she is a liar. Head over to the CWI section and see how typical your story and how she is reacting to your show of strength. Keep doing this.


Warlock is right. It is almost standard behavior for WW's to do an about face when the BH's balls finally drop. Notice your wife was fine with you "holding" her, but not doing anything. This tells her you're firmly in your place as the provider drone for her and her kids while she gets her ashes hauled elsewhere. Which she has, in fact, been doing all along, while you've been doing without.

This is all from the script, which replays daily in CWI.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

CommittedHusband said:


> His wife found out about this very shortly before I ever knew. He left his wife and as far as I know him and his wife are split up.


The better to service your wife without interruptions.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> The better to service your wife without interruptions.



Unlikely she's the only one, OM is probably servicing others as well. Doubtful she's particularly special to him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Doesn't matter if the baby resembles you or your other child. Doing the paternity test tells her you don't believe a word she tells you about the details of this affair......duration, amount of involvement, etc. The point is to get her to understand the severity of what she has done.


Do this.

I had a buddy with three kids going through the same issue as you. All three looked like him.

To make an extremely long and boring story short, he had some male plumbing issues due to cysts. Turns out he was completely infertile. No possibility of producing sperm. Doctor's figured that due to the type and location of cysts, he never had the capability of fathering children.

Finds out after testing that none of the kids were his. Awkword to say the least.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Do a DNA test on both kids just to show what you don't believe a word she says.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

CH, any updates?


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

DNA your kids. Move this to CWI. She has banged him 2000 ways to Sunday.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

CommittedHusband said:


> I guess I'll never understand how she can get involved emotionally (maybe sexual, but no proof) with another man and expect me to continue to be a doormat throughout all this. I think I was one for too long. Now that I stand up and not going to take it any longer, I'm just so mean and doing stuff she would never do to me.


She does it because she can. It's a pretty powerful feeling to be able to have things your way AND make others do things your way, too.


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