# complicated situation



## first year (Jun 17, 2008)

Me and my husband have been married less than a year. His parents live out of town but own a rental property about an hour away from where we were living. Before we got married his parents asked him to move into that property, he told me and I told him no we could not move out there because that would mean I would need to commute 90 minutes each way to work. It created a big fight between us, eventually he agreed we would not move in, well about 2 weeks before we got married he moved into the place so I was forced to move in with him. I started school full time soon after our marriage, I had to quit my job which was accomadating to my school schedule but because it was too far. When he moved in he told me that we would not be paying rent just the bills and that would help us while I was in school, well the bills all together ended up being more than we were previously paying for rent and there were no bills there. a few days ago we were visiting his parents and I saw my husband giving his father a cheque so when our trip was done and we were driving home I asked him what that was all about and he told me that he was giving his dad $500 for rent. He knows that we simply can not afford to do that and my parents have been paying my bills for school because our money has been so tight. I asked him if his dad had asked for the rent and how the conversation came about and why had no one discussed it with me and he told me that he had told his dad this is what we would pay him for rent and his dad had not asked and he did not tell me becuase there just wasn't any time. Well I don't beleive him and now I am so pissed off I feel as if my opinion is not valued and I am being forced to live in a place I do not want to live. I feel its unfair that we keep asking my parents for money but we are living in this place we can't afford just because my husband won't stick up to his parents. I am seriously contemplating leaving him because I just feel so disrespected that he would take steps like this with out even consulting me please let me honestly know what you think of this situation am I overeacting? what can I do?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

What he has done is wrong, no doubt. Your finances are between you and your husband he needs to include you in those decisions. Because you have been married only a year I strongly recommend you do not leave him at this point but you must make him understand that the marriage is a partnership and he must share decisions that affect the marriage with you. Make him very aware that this is not what you consider proper way to start a marriage and you won’t live in one this way in the future. Nip it in the bud!!

Good luck.


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## first year (Jun 17, 2008)

Thanks for the reply I totally understand what your saying but I feel as if I did explain all of this to him when he first moved into his parents house (it was 11 months ago) At that time I was so upset and told him that if we were going to have a marriage then we need to communicate and make decisions as a couple now that this has happened it makes me feel as if he will never take me seriously or our marriage. I just feel that even if I talk to him about how important it is for me to make decisions collectivly in a few months something else may get pulled.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

If you truly feel he will not respect your opinion/input in these kinds of decisions and if you feel you can’t live in a relationship like that then tell him. It needs to be a partnership or nothing. Make your intentions clear that you won’t live this way and if that is the kind of marriage he wants then he married the wrong woman. Be blunt and see if he takes you seriously. If he promises to include you then goes back on his word again remind him of the conversation and then make your decision to stay or go. If he is going to treat you like a doormat he is unlikely to change in the future and you will live life in an unhappy marriage. Address this now. Good luck.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Amplexor's advice is right on.

If he betrays that agreement once again you may want to run an end-around to his parents. Are they aware of your circumstances? Based upon your interaction with them, or his reaction to you leaving _him_ out of the loop, you will know if you have something you can work with, or if you should pack your bags.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It seems he hasn't been honest with you one day since you have been married and feels if he hides it from you he can get away with it. This is very dangerous situatiuon. You mention his communication skills are poor but it would seem yours are too. He needs to know boundries quick.

draconis


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

marriage is a long term commitment and there's a lot to learn about each other thru out the journey, I have had similar issues a few years ago when i discovered many things that he had never bothered to tell me, hadnt discussed with me or hid it from me, I was also very mad at him for doing this to me for years but coming to think of it none of it was as serious as cheating or having other women so I let them go. It wasnt easy, we had lots of serious talks both of us were not that good with communication so lots of quarelling, now I am confident that he wouldnt do this again and he knows that I will not tolerate even one such thing anymore. What I m trying to say is, give him a chance to know you even better and give your marriage sometime to see if this will work or not.


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## first year (Jun 17, 2008)

Thanks for the advice I understand what your saying. We dated for eight years and then got married. I am a good at letting him know what I feel, and he knows that what he did made me upset. Now he says he won't do it again but thats the same thing he did when he moved into this place. I just feel that he will do it again. I really want our relationship to work out but I just feel like I'm being treated like a doormat. And besides what does him saying that he won't do it again help in our current situation now. We are living in this place, paying rent here, I've already quit my job because we are living here. i keep telling him I want to move but he just ignores me???


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

I get what u mean. Did u try to tell him that u seriously want to move out and if he doesnt then it will cost you 2 your marriage?


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## first year (Jun 17, 2008)

Yes I have tried to tell him I seriously want to move out but he just has no reply. He just ignores it. I am wondering if I should just move out on my own?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

first year said:


> Yes I have tried to tell him I seriously want to move out but he just has no reply. He just ignores it. I am wondering if I should just move out on my own?


It would seem that he feels like he can manipulate you but not responding and always getting his way. If you don't take a stand somewheres he will never believe that you will do anything you say.

draconis


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

Hmm... I think u should do something to show him that he cant continue to ignore your feelings. Hope it works out and he learns to respect your feelings.


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