# Intuition or insecurities?



## Megan140 (Dec 22, 2015)

I am almost positive that everyone is going to tell me I am just being very insecure and I'm sure they will be completely right but I have to put this out there before I go nuts! Me and my husband are on our 3rd year together (we have a 4 month old as well) and he has never in our entire relationship given me reason to believe he's been unfaithful. I mean, he doesn't exactly strike me as the type to cheat anyway but on top of that he's always spent all his time with me, at soccer practice or at work. He refuses still to this day to go to parties, clubs, and get together without me because he says he has no interest in going by himself. Also, the longest we've ever been away from each other is almost 2 days and that has only happened twice in our relationship because we feel like it's the end of the world to go that long without seeing each other. With all that being said I know you already think I'm insane for even considering he's unfaithful or is considering being unfaithful. I honestly don't know why I think that either since there are no signs or suspicious activities and I generally always know where he is and when. BUT for some wierd reason lately I will go through his phone for like and hour trying to find something. I go thorough his txts, calls, fcbk messages, instagram, and internet browse deliberately looking for something although the worst thing I've ever found is him liking a females pic (which is ridiculous, I know). Lately, when he's at work I imagine that he's having lunch with another girl or their in his car together or even that he's just flirting with a girl at work. The few times I've talked to people from his work they're always telling me that he talks about me and our daughter all the time and even he tells me he does so I don't know why I feel this way. I know it definitely doesn't help when I read all the crazy infidelity stories on TAM. And sometimes I feel like even if he isn't being unfaithful now, eventually he will. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME? Sometimes I think it's intuition but at the same time I kind of just sound crazy. It's not a gut instinct or anything. I've always been complimented on my looks and always been the "pretty one" in the group so I know I am a pretty girl but I have no idea why I feel like I need to check his stuff all the time and I have fantasies of him cheating. It's really ridiculous and if he knew I felt this way he would be mad. Help!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Has he done anything at all to make you suspicious? If not, then you need to work really hard on trust. He will eventually find out that you are suspicious and he may be very hurt by your mistrust. You may even see something that is actually innocent but which makes you more suspicious.

To some extend I feel like you can watch, or you can trust, but you can't do both. If I discovered that I was no longer trusted, I would lose a lot of my motivation to be trustworthy.

Now if he has acted (now or in the past) in a way that causes suspicions, that may be a different story.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

OP, please don't take this the wrong way or be offended, but is it possible you could be experiencing some Post-Natal Depression?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you're like most new mothers with a 4 month old, you've probably given most of your body and time to a baby for over a year and you're probably missing being bride and girlfriend and maybe imagining that your husband finds every other female more attractive than you. Get a sitter and let your husband date you again. I think what you're feeling is pretty normal for someone in your situation.


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## Megan140 (Dec 22, 2015)

No, he's never done anything suspicious. I don't know why I feel this way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Megan140 (Dec 22, 2015)

I mean, I would have never thought so but now I'm not so sure. I don't think I'm depressed but maybe I am heading towards it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Megan140 (Dec 22, 2015)

This makes me feel a lot better, like I'm not crazy for feeling this. I definitely have never felt so unattractive in my entire life. I feel like I have no worth. I used to feel like I had a lot to offer and any man would be lucky to have me. Now I just feel washed up and used. It's insane to feel this way because I am only 20 years old! I should be in my prime!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cvan (Dec 29, 2015)

I think you should talk to your husband about this, if you haven't already! He may be able to provide valuable reassurance. Agree with others, this may have a lot to do with your just having become a mother. Best Wishes!


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Whatever you do make sure you don't turn this into some sort of self fulfilling prophecy, by acting resentful towards him or anything like that that would push him away. It sounds like hes a great man. Stop reading the infidelity page, thats the same as looking at abused animals and kids, why do that to yourself? There is no point. Work at enjoying your life


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Megan140 said:


> This makes me feel a lot better, like I'm not crazy for feeling this. I definitely have never felt so unattractive in my entire life. I feel like I have no worth. I used to feel like I had a lot to offer and any man would be lucky to have me. Now I just feel washed up and used. It's insane to feel this way because I am only 20 years old! I should be in my prime!


Looks like this is why you feel that way.

It sounds like you do have some kind of depression. It might not be so bad that you need meds, but it's bad enough that you need to do something about it.

I agree that you need to talk to your husband about how you feel. Just don't make it all about you not trusting him and snooping. Make it about what you stated in this post. 

Now that you have your baby, healthy and happy, you need to focus on yourself again and reclaim that beautiful young woman you are.

Who is around you that can help you out? Do you have a mother or sister who live near you who can watch your baby while you go out and do things? Maybe you could go work out. Get dressed nicely and go to lunch with a friend. Just get out of the house without your baby a few times a week.

When was the last time you went on a date with your husband? The two of you should be doing weekly dates. Dates with just the two of you.

Tell him that you love him and your baby. But you are sinking and need some extra support from him right now.

Does he help with the baby when he comes home after work and on weekend?

.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
you are not crazy, but you are developing a bad habit of thinking, one that could make your imagined problems become real ones.

Mistrust and lack of self confidence are both great ways to drive someone away. I know you don't mean to , but it can happen.

You are 20 - some day you will be my age and want to travel back in time to smack you present day self upside the head. You are young, desirable, and almost you whole life is ahead of you. You have time to do anything you want with your life.




Megan140 said:


> This makes me feel a lot better, like I'm not crazy for feeling this. I definitely have never felt so unattractive in my entire life. I feel like I have no worth. I used to feel like I had a lot to offer and any man would be lucky to have me. Now I just feel washed up and used. It's insane to feel this way because I am only 20 years old! I should be in my prime!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You are the mother of his child. I expect you are the sexiest woman on earth in his eyes.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Look into therapy. If you look hard enough you might find something to justify this behavior....but this seems to be all on you. You need to talk to your husband, confess you are going through his things without his knowledge. He should be aware what his wife is doing.


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## divensrus (Jan 1, 2016)

unbelievable said:


> If you're like most new mothers with a 4 month old, you've probably given most of your body and time to a baby for over a year and you're probably missing being bride and girlfriend and maybe imagining that your husband finds every other female more attractive than you. Get a sitter and let your husband date you again. I think what you're feeling is pretty normal for someone in your situation.


I agree. Unfortunately, I am childless, but my friends who are mothers - a few of them went thru the same feelings. But I'm a believer in intuition. Have you tried talking to him? Perhaps if you're feeling disconnected from him, he's feeling the same way

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Megan140 said:


> This makes me feel a lot better, like I'm not crazy for feeling this. I definitely have never felt so unattractive in my entire life. I feel like I have no worth. I used to feel like I had a lot to offer and any man would be lucky to have me. Now I just feel washed up and used. It's insane to feel this way because I am only 20 years old! I should be in my prime!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh sweetie, no no no. You're not washed up and used. You're a brand new, first time mum and a wife, trying to work out how you do both roles at the same time.

Please talk to your husband about how you're feeling...leave out the bits about not trusting him/infidelity...just stick to the way you're feeling about yourself...let him help you with this xx


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Convince your self that moms are sexy, because they are.

bet your husband thinks so too.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Did you have a past relationship where your SO cheated on you?

Your father left your mother?


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## Megan140 (Dec 22, 2015)

I think everyone's had a relationship where the SO cheated, including me. And my parents split when I was a baby, don't know who left who.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Megan140 said:


> And my parents split when I was a baby, don't know who left who.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Could the fact that you now have a baby be bringing up some feelings/fears about your parents splitting when you were a baby?

...along the lines that your parents split when you were a baby therefore your husband is going to leave you now that you have a baby?


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## Megan140 (Dec 22, 2015)

It's never bothered me but maybe subconsciously it makes me fear it happening to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Megan140 said:


> I think everyone's had a relationship where the SO cheated, including me. And my parents split when I was a baby, don't know who left who.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There's your answer sweet girl. Perhaps even subconsiously, the baby has triggered something in you and it's making you anxious. Combine that with recovering from the birth, lack of sleep and hormones running rampant your anxiety must be off the charts!

I strongly advise you to talk to your husband...he loves you and is likely very worried about you. Let him help and reassure you, like only he can. Believe it or not, it's a gift to him, to let him help you xx


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## sally40 (Aug 7, 2015)

Hi Megan!
Being a new mom at age 20 is a big life change. Congratulations on your baby! When my children were that young I did feel a bit isolated and cut-off from the outside world. I had no family in the state. I was a stay at home mom. Most people I knew were co-workers from the job I quit to stay home....so maybe you are a little isolated and/or feeling a bit depressed. Can you join a "Mom's group". Luckily for me the local hospital had one that met once a week. It was such a help. Eventually I formed a playgroup starting with 1 mom I knew from my former job. I remember feeling lonely, and When i'd read about a baby book-reading program at a libarary or a baby gymnastics class, exc. (something to get me and baby around other people), a lot of activities were for moms with babys 12 months and older. I have a hunch that being a bit lonely/isolated + the work of caring for an infant may get you down. I suggest you meet some other moms and ALSo plan a date night with your hubby! You are not alone!!


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Talk with your doctor. I am surprised they have not brought it up. Are you close with his parents ? Can you ask his mother how she dealt with post pregnancy depression?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Megan140 said:


> This makes me feel a lot better, like I'm not crazy for feeling this. I definitely have never felt so unattractive in my entire life. I feel like I have no worth. I used to feel like I had a lot to offer and any man would be lucky to have me. Now I just feel washed up and used.


Well, now you know why you're assuming he'd want someone else.

Good time to find a therapist, so you can work through your low self esteem before you actually DO drive him away.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

If her husband was on here saying that "after our daughter was born she stopped having as much sex with me" and I am wondering if she is cheating and I feel unloved as the baby gets all the attention" you'd be telling him to grow up and stop being insecure. This place is so full of double standards. 

OP, 
Do you have a history of being cheated on? How was your upbringing did you have two parents full time and any case of your parents being unfaithful?

You've snooped, there's nothing. Move along and be happy.

And, as a young couple have frank discussion on boundaries especially about opposite sex friends, texting, 1:1 lunches & dinners etc. The sooner you two get clarity on rules of the road the better.


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