# Is there hope for my marriage or is divorce inevitable?



## sugarplum0915

I am a 35 year old woman. I have been married to my husband for seven years and we have been together a total of ten years. We have two beautiful children and built a nice life together. We have had our ups and downs. Our marriage was strained the last few years and we were in a horrible rut for a while . My marriage also suffered due to my husband’s anger and mental health issues. In this time, I made the horrible mistake of falling deeply in love with another man. Long story there, but I kept things purely friendly with this other man and I never technically cheated. I fought my feelings for this man knowing it was wrong, but it happened anyway. My husband and I separated over it. I was more than ready to divorce my husband for this man, however we did not end up together. My husband and I stayed separated for 8 months. We both worked on ourselves and pursued individual counseling. He has since forgiven me and we have decided to get back together and work things out. We are in marriage counseling now and doing well. His anger and mental health are improving. He is not a perfect man by any means but he is mostly good to me and takes care of me. He is a good Dad. He cooks, cleans, and takes care of the finances. I never question his love or desire for me. We have both been working extremely hard to make this marriage work in the last 4 months. The issue is.. I am still feeling unhappy because there is just nothing there…no sparks, no magic, no passion between us. I feel bored and restless. I don’t even think I am really in love with him anymore. Does my marriage sound fixable? Is this just how it is after 10 years together? Is this normal? Is there a way for me to fall in love with him again or is divorce inevitable? Is love and passion necessary to make this marriage work? I am the kind of person that needs to feel passion in everything I do. I certainly love him in my own way and always will, but I don’t know if I ever loved him the way a wife should love a husband. I remember being deeply in love with him in the beginning but he was my first serious relationship, so was it just new/puppy love? A part of me feels like I settled with the first man who gave me the time of day. I think I agreed to try and work on our marriage is because he was better than being alone and I could no have the man I really wanted. what advice does anyone have for me? Should we continue to try and work on our marriage or is it time to call it quits for good?


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## happyhusband0005

I think when you fall deeply in love with someone else you're cheating. It is also fairly well documented that falling in love with someone else = loss of love for your spouse. What you did is probably far worse than if you had had a one night stand with the guy.


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## Jimi007

Once you've loved someone else....The passion for your husband won't come back..
What happened to your AP ? Was he married too ? Are you still in love with him ?


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## BeyondRepair007

sugarplum0915 said:


> I am a 35 year old woman. I have been married to my husband for seven years and we have been together a total of ten years. We have two beautiful children and built a nice life together. We have had our ups and downs. Our marriage was strained the last few years and we were in a horrible rut for a while . My marriage also suffered due to my husband’s anger and mental health issues. In this time, I made the horrible mistake of falling deeply in love with another man. Long story there, but I kept things purely friendly with this other man and I never technically cheated. I fought my feelings for this man knowing it was wrong, but it happened anyway. My husband and I separated over it. I was more than ready to divorce my husband for this man, however we did not end up together. My husband and I stayed separated for 8 months. We both worked on ourselves and pursued individual counseling. He has since forgiven me and we have decided to get back together and work things out. We are in marriage counseling now and doing well. His anger and mental health are improving. He is not a perfect man by any means but he is mostly good to me and takes care of me. He is a good Dad. He cooks, cleans, and takes care of the finances. I never question his love or desire for me. We have both been working extremely hard to make this marriage work in the last 4 months. The issue is.. I am still feeling unhappy because there is just nothing there…no sparks, no magic, no passion between us. I feel bored and restless. I don’t even think I am really in love with him anymore. Does my marriage sound fixable? Is this just how it is after 10 years together? Is this normal? Is there a way for me to fall in love with him again or is divorce inevitable? Is love and passion necessary to make this marriage work? I am the kind of person that needs to feel passion in everything I do. I certainly love him in my own way and always will, but I don’t know if I ever loved him the way a wife should love a husband. I remember being deeply in love with him in the beginning but he was my first serious relationship, so was it just new/puppy love? A part of me feels like I settled with the first man who gave me the time of day. I think I agreed to try and work on our marriage is because he was better than being alone and I could no have the man I really wanted. what advice does anyone have for me? Should we continue to try and work on our marriage or is it time to call it quits for good?


@sugarplum0915 Welcome to TAM.

The easy out answer is to say that your marriage is not fixable. You've lost your love and it doesn't just "come back".

But I think a more realistic answer is that love is a choice. One that you can make every day.

Your comments about needing sparks and tingles and passion are on the one hand an unrealistic daily expectation in a long-term relationship, while on the other hand being fully anticipated in that same healthy relationship. Real life is not always sexy.

But you requiring those tummy flutters as a kind of indicator of your love for him tells me that you're immature and maybe not ready for married life.

If you can't work out this "choice" of love with your MC, and put your affair partner out to pasture (assumption on my part that he is still there in your head and heart blocking your proper view of your husband) then you should walk away. Give your husband his life back.


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## sugarplum0915

Jimi007 said:


> Once you've loved someone else....The passion for your husband won't come back..
> What happened to your AP ? Was he married too ? Are you still in love with him ?


This is exactly what I was afraid of. My “AP” is no longer in the picture at all. No, he was not married, very much single. We worked together and what brought things to a head was the fact that I lost my job. I was totally heartbroken I could no longer deny my feelings for him to myself or my husband. This is what led us to separate. This guy and I did end up talking via text for a few months after I lost my job. Things heated up a bit between us and I expected we would get together at some point. Eventually his texts became fewer and farther between to the point where he ghosted me completely with no explanation as to why. I haven’t seen him in a year since I lost my job, nor have I spoken to him in six months since his last messages. I know that things will never happen between us now but I yes, unfortunately I am still very much in love with him. I don’t expect that will ever change. I am also very haunted by questions as to why he ghosted the way he did. I’m sure I will never know.


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## sugarplum0915

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @sugarplum0915 Welcome to TAM.
> 
> The easy out answer is to say that your marriage is not fixable. You've lost your love and it doesn't just "come back".
> 
> But I think a more realistic answer is that love is a choice. One that you can make every day.
> 
> Your comments about needing sparks and tingles and passion are on the one hand an unrealistic daily expectation in a long-term relationship, while on the other hand being fully anticipated in that same healthy relationship. Real life is not always sexy.
> 
> But you requiring those tummy flutters as a kind of indicator of your love for him tells me that you're immature and maybe not ready for married life.
> 
> If you can't work out this "choice" of love with your MC, and put your affair partner out to pasture (assumption on my part that he is still there in your head and heart blocking your proper view of your husband) then you should walk away. Give your husband his life back.


Thanks for this perspective and agree with what you’re saying. Yes, I think I rushed into marriage with him because he was my first real relationship. I also think my parents gave me unrealistic expectations of marriage. My parents still have that passionate tummy flutter love after 34 years of marriage. I do agree that my AP partner needs put out to pasture, which I have been trying to do. This is the kind of advice, I have needed. Thank you


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## farsidejunky

sugarplum0915 said:


> This is exactly what I was afraid of. My “AP” is no longer in the picture at all. No, he was not married, very much single. We worked together and what brought things to a head was the fact that I lost my job. I was totally heartbroken I could no longer deny my feelings for him to myself or my husband. This is what led us to separate. This guy and I did end up talking via text for a few months after I lost my job. Things heated up a bit between us and I expected we would get together at some point. Eventually his texts became fewer and farther between to the point where he ghosted me completely with no explanation as to why. I haven’t seen him in a year since I lost my job, nor have I spoken to him in six months since his last messages. I know that things will never happen between us now but I yes, unfortunately I am still very much in love with him. I don’t expect that will ever change. I am also very haunted by questions as to why he ghosted the way he did. I’m sure I will never know.


He had ample opportunity to pursue you with the separation, yet he chose not to. 

This should be an indicator to you that you blew up your family over poor judgement. Bear in mind this is the same judgement you are using to try to figure out your path forward. 

The aforementioned paragraph in no way exonerates your husband's behavior. That said, it is not uncommon for wayward spouses, especially wayward wives, to accuse their betrayed spouse of abusive behavior. Similar to expressing the possibility of having never loved your husband, these are steps our minds often take to avoid painting ourselves as a villain in our own story.

You should let him go and get yourself into therapy. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky

sugarplum0915 said:


> Thanks for this perspective and agree with what you’re saying. Yes, I think I rushed into marriage with him because he was my first real relationship. I also think my parents gave me unrealistic expectations of marriage. My parents still have that passionate tummy flutter love after 34 years of marriage. I do agree that my AP partner needs put out to pasture, which I have been trying to do. This is the kind of advice, I have needed. Thank you


Be cautious in thinking that your parents love has been tummy flutter for the entire 34 years. As with anything in life, this sort of love ebbs and flows.

Someone further up thread mentioned love being a choice. Coming back to your parents, when their love was at its lowest point towards each other, which is inevitable in a 34 year relationship, they made a choice to stay when they didn't have to. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Laurentium

sugarplum0915 said:


> Should we continue to try and work on our marriage or is it time to call it quits for good?


Personally, I think it sounds fixable, if you want it to be. 


sugarplum0915 said:


> *I am the kind of person *that needs to feel passion in everything I do.


I think you need to challenge yourself on that. Look where it got you, with a man who ghosted you and walked away, because you thought you felt flutters. I'm always suspicious when people say "_I'm just that kind of person..." _


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## Trident

Yes you technically cheated and you can correctly use the term AP without quotes intended to remove guilt.

Self accountability starts at home.


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## RebuildingMe

You’re still pinning for the other man, wondering why he ended it. You didn’t end it, he ghosted you. It sounds like your husband was your plan B and now your stuck with him. All this was only a few months ago?


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## Young at Heart

sugarplum0915 said:


> I am a 35 year old woman. I have been married to my husband for seven years and we have been together a total of ten years. We have two beautiful children and built a nice life together.
> 
> .....I made the horrible mistake of falling deeply in love with another man. Long story there, but I kept things purely friendly with this other man and I never technically cheated.
> 
> .....We both worked on ourselves and pursued individual counseling. He has since forgiven me and we have decided to get back together and work things out. We are in marriage counseling now and doing well. His anger and mental health are improving.
> 
> ......The issue is.. I am still feeling unhappy because there is just nothing there…no sparks, no magic, no passion between us. I feel bored and restless. I don’t even think I am really in love with him anymore. Does my marriage sound fixable? Is this just how it is after 10 years together? Is this normal? Is there a way for me to fall in love with him again or is divorce inevitable? Is love and passion necessary to make this marriage work? I am the kind of person that needs to feel passion in everything I do.....


No divorce is not inevitable, unless you or your H don't want to change..

A couple thoughts. First pick up a copy of Davis Schnarch's book Intimacy and Desire. It helps you explore how you can increase sexual desire. It is not easy as it requires becoming vulnerable to your partner and stretching youself emotionally in ways that are likely not comfortable. My suggestion is read it chapter by chapter with your H and then at a day of the week when the two of you can be together discuss each chapter and what things your read, resonated or scared you. Figure out ways to incorporate some of the things into your life.

Second, talk to you marriage counselor. Tell them what you posted. Ask them to help the two of you do sensate focus exercises so that you can learn how to love to touch your H and you can learn again how wonderful it is to be touched by your lover. 

Ask your marriage counselor for other suggestions on increasing the sexual desire between you and your H. Role playing and fantasies are a way to spice things up. Also the marriage counselor should be able to provide you with tantric or erotic massage you can take turns doing for each other. If you marriage counselor runs out of ideas, ask for a referral to a Sex Therapist.

Good luck.


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## Teacherwifemom

You have 2 young children. You grew up in an intact family. You can decide if you want to give your kids that, or if you want to blow up their world. Because it will, and it will have a lifelong affect on them. I don’t always believe in staying married for the children, (absent abuse, addiction, etc. make leaving better for them) but I absolutely don’t believe in blowing up your family because, “You don’t feel butterflies.” I can’t think of anything more selfish. You are a mother. You made that commitment, and you made it knowing who your husband is. It sounds like your husband is genuinely trying to make permanent changes. Feelings ebb and flow. That is normal. But if your litmus test is constantly feeling like you’re in the honeymoon phase, you’re probably going to go through multiple husbands. That you’re still “feeling” in love with someone who you actually never had to have a day to day relationship with, and who ghosted you, speaks volumes about your maturity level. Your affair is not representative of what a shared life is like. You cannot actually be in love with someone who you don’t share all of life’s things with, the good, the bad and the ugly. You had an infatuation and are willing to destroy your family chasing that feeling. Please don’t.


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## Captain Obvious

You most definitely did cheat on your husband. You were deep into an emotional affair. You need to come to terms with the fact that "technically," you are a cheater, and you really don't sound remorseful at all for what you chose to do. If you're not in love with him, then let him go, divorce him. You've been married for ten years, there is clearly no spark, you feel like you settled for him, and you've cheated on him. The odds of you're marriage recovering are less than stellar.


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## Openminded

You can’t fall in love with your husband when you’re in love with someone else. You would have divorced him if the OM had decided to be with you but instead he chose to ghost you. Now you’re wondering why. None of that is conducive to rebuilding your marriage.


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## Jimi007

Openminded said:


> You can’t fall in love with your husband when you’re in love with someone else. You would have divorced him if the OM had decided to be with you but instead he chose to ghost you. Now you’re wondering why. None of that is conducive to rebuilding your marriage.


THIS....


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## Evinrude58

So some thoughts: Not meant to hurt you needlessly (I don’t know you), but to try to help you see a different perspective.

You technically didn’t cheat……. Wow. You’re delusional. Just as delusional as believing you are in love with a man that ghosted you. Why did he ghost you?
Well, because he doesn’t care two ****s for you. Nor should he, considering he knows you’re a cheater that “fell for him” when you were married.

Can you fix this? Not a chance. You will never love your husband again. You ruined that emotion by taking it and investing it with a man that values you so low that he ghosted you. That was your choice. 

“I was totally heartbroken I could no longer deny my feelings for him to myself or my husband.”

This reads as if you’re telling yourself that this wasn’t your fault. You could no longer deny your feelings…… What? You chose every day to feed the wolf (thoughts of your AP). You weren’t helpless to “your feelings”.
Eventually you had zero feelings left in the tank for your husband. Now you’re stuck on zero, with no way to refill it. So as much as you might like to try old plan B, your husband, you just are incapable of loving him now. 

I can tell you the one thing that MIGHT help you gain some attraction for your husband:
Divorce him, watch him heal and find another woman that treasures him and watch all his anger and temper evaporate when he’s with a good woman who values him. At the same time, while you’re getting pumped and dumped by ghosters like your AP, remember that your husband cared enough for you to even give you another chance when you betrayed him totally. That’s hard to find. I really believe you’ll start liking him again. It will be too late, but it may happen.

Sadly, regardless of fault or desire to change, you just can’t fix this and both of you would be better off starting fresh with a new person. Who knows, you may find someone that really likes you, and he the same. And no history of betrayal or negative thoughts of one another to deal with.


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## Luckylucky

So let’s go way back, this will help you. Why was he the only one that gave you the time of day? Who were you before you met him?

Describe yourself in your previous life without him, until you met him.

So, what was your role in your group of close friends, what was your role in the family amongst your siblings?


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## Bulfrog1987

You can read my back story but I too had an affair though it was much closer to the beginning of my marriage than yours, just three years in. You can save your marriage, but you both have to be all in.

As upsetting as me saying this will be to some, I too was in love with my AP even after we no longer communicated. I did everything to separate myself from him. Blocked, quit my dream job, even moved several states over. However, my husband had no intention of forgiving me, yet I couldn’t see that back then.

All I could see was a scarlet letter and how terrible I was for doing what I did and lived in purgatory for the next twelve years. My point is, it takes two to make it work as corny as that sounds. If your husband has forgiven you then you are really really lucky. Now that’s not to say this won’t come up from time to time.. but that’s the cost of the choice.

I never forgot my AP. I’m certain to this day I love him still, but as I stated above, that’s a cost, a consequence of my choice I had to live with. I have my all to my marriage after the affair, well, even before the affair too but it was never going to be enough. My husband was a broken man king before me, I just didn’t know. It sounds like you have a much better outcome if you want to have it.


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## lifeistooshort

So I think part of your problem is that you're in love with an idea, not a person and nobody can compete with that. But since the other guy is out of the picture and you've been honest I think this might be fixable, mainly because nothing really happened since other guy wasn't interested.

Please think about that. The guy didn't want you. How is that not a turnoff?

As for your hb, that needs evaluating on its own merits. Are you attracted to him? Do you guys do anything fun together? Do you think you're compatible?

I've come to think thar a lot can develop out of compatibility. Try doing some fun things together and see if some spark doesn't show itself. If it doesn't then it might be best to let him look for someone who does feel that way about him.


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## Rayr44

sugarplum0915 said:


> I am a 35 year old woman. I have been married to my husband for seven years and we have been together a total of ten years. We have two beautiful children and built a nice life together. We have had our ups and downs. Our marriage was strained the last few years and we were in a horrible rut for a while . My marriage also suffered due to my husband’s anger and mental health issues. In this time, I made the horrible mistake of falling deeply in love with another man. Long story there, but I kept things purely friendly with this other man and I never technically cheated. I fought my feelings for this man knowing it was wrong, but it happened anyway. My husband and I separated over it. I was more than ready to divorce my husband for this man, however we did not end up together. My husband and I stayed separated for 8 months. We both worked on ourselves and pursued individual counseling. He has since forgiven me and we have decided to get back together and work things out. We are in marriage counseling now and doing well. His anger and mental health are improving. He is not a perfect man by any means but he is mostly good to me and takes care of me. He is a good Dad. He cooks, cleans, and takes care of the finances. I never question his love or desire for me. We have both been working extremely hard to make this marriage work in the last 4 months. The issue is.. I am still feeling unhappy because there is just nothing there…no sparks, no magic, no passion between us. I feel bored and restless. I don’t even think I am really in love with him anymore. Does my marriage sound fixable? Is this just how it is after 10 years together? Is this normal? Is there a way for me to fall in love with him again or is divorce inevitable? Is love and passion necessary to make this marriage work? I am the kind of person that needs to feel passion in everything I do. I certainly love him in my own way and always will, but I don’t know if I ever loved him the way a wife should love a husband. I remember being deeply in love with him in the beginning but he was my first serious relationship, so was it just new/puppy love? A part of me feels like I settled with the first man who gave me the time of day. I think I agreed to try and work on our marriage is because he was better than being alone and I could no have the man I really wanted. what advice does anyone have for me? Should we continue to try and work on our marriage or is it time to call it quits for good?


I think you need to forgive yourself first before you do anything else. We all make mistakes and the important thing is to learn from your mistakes. We are all human and we fall short sometimes. It doesn’t matter how many times we fall. It’s how quickly we rise up and move on.

You are doing the right thing. Keep focused and communicate with your husband. Believe you are an awesome mother and a wife. Have an attitude of gratitude everyday for having what you have and you will see things changing for better. These tough times will pass through. Good luck!


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## Trident

Evinrude58 said:


> You technically didn’t cheat……. Wow. You’re delusional. Just as delusional as believing you are in love with a man that ghosted you. Why did he ghost you?
> Well, because he doesn’t care two ****s for you. Nor should he, considering he knows you’re a cheater that “fell for him” when you were married.


^^This. Although I'd prefer the word "In Denial". 

Cheating doesn't necessarily mean you climb on some guy's ****.

In fact the emotional investment is sometimes a bigger issue. And in your case, it's still there, he's not but it's for reasons beyond your control, otherwise you'd probably be climbing on his **** too.


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## 342693

Thought the grass was greener and found out quickly it was just weeds. A tale as old as time.


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## Parallax857

It's totally unfair to compare a fantasy, which is all the second guy is, to someone you've shared a life with. You can find another infatuation if that's what you want. You can find one and then another and then another. None of them will last in the "tummy fluttering" sense. 

For me, the bottom line is whether you admire the man to whom you're married. If you see him as someone you really and truly respect. If so, then a much deeper and lasting love can be built on the foundation of mutual respect. If not, then see if you can cultivate respect, because the tree of true love emerges from there. If you can't, then it might be best to give him his freedom and to have your own. I don't know for sure because there are children and, in truth, no long term relationship is perfect. You may need time to mature into appreciation of your husband. You could give him up and live to regret it. There's just no way for anyone to live your life for you. Some things you've got to figure out for yourself.


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## David60525

sugarplum0915 said:


> I am a 35 year old woman. I have been married to my husband for seven years and we have been together a total of ten years. We have two beautiful children and built a nice life together. We have had our ups and downs. Our marriage was strained the last few years and we were in a horrible rut for a while . My marriage also suffered due to my husband’s anger and mental health issues. In this time, I made the horrible mistake of falling deeply in love with another man. Long story there, but I kept things purely friendly with this other man and I never technically cheated. I fought my feelings for this man knowing it was wrong, but it happened anyway. My husband and I separated over it. I was more than ready to divorce my husband for this man, however we did not end up together. My husband and I stayed separated for 8 months. We both worked on ourselves and pursued individual counseling. He has since forgiven me and we have decided to get back together and work things out. We are in marriage counseling now and doing well. His anger and mental health are improving. He is not a perfect man by any means but he is mostly good to me and takes care of me. He is a good Dad. He cooks, cleans, and takes care of the finances. I never question his love or desire for me. We have both been working extremely hard to make this marriage work in the last 4 months. The issue is.. I am still feeling unhappy because there is just nothing there…no sparks, no magic, no passion between us. I feel bored and restless. I don’t even think I am really in love with him anymore. Does my marriage sound fixable? Is this just how it is after 10 years together? Is this normal? Is there a way for me to fall in love with him again or is divorce inevitable? Is love and passion necessary to make this marriage work? I am the kind of person that needs to feel passion in everything I do. I certainly love him in my own way and always will, but I don’t know if I ever loved him the way a wife should love a husband. I remember being deeply in love with him in the beginning but he was my first serious relationship, so was it just new/puppy love? A part of me feels like I settled with the first man who gave me the time of day. I think I agreed to try and work on our marriage is because he was better than being alone and I could no have the man I really wanted. what advice does anyone have for me? Should we continue to try and work on our marriage or is it time to call it quits for good?


If you don't have burning desire for him, leave, you are wasting each other's time. You hit the wall, you will never have it this good ever again.
You know you will fudge your kids and soon to be ex's husband's life up!!


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## JustAnj

Do you want to save your marriage?


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## oldtruck

Are you 1000% NC with the OM?


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## Tdbo

I truly feel sorry for your husband and kids.
You betrayed him and your kids in the worst possible way.
When your "Fantasy" slid down the porcelain pedestal, he sucked it up and accepted his plight as "Plan B."
He has done the work to keep his family together, and even by your description is doing the right things as a husband and a father.
However, you seem to think that he is solely responsible for your need for " ...Sparks, magic, passion."
He is your reality, not a fantasy. 
How the hell do you expect him to achieve that kind of standard? He lives in "Realville," trying to do the right thing for his family. Did he go out and find himself a side dish?
I'd think that you should be happy and blessed that your husband was gracious enough to give you a second chance. I'd say that if you want ".....Sparks, magic, and passion," you ought to be making it with him. I'd say that you ought to be lighting it up with him, it might help offset the despair and resentment that he probably has bottled up inside. Wait until he blows. It probably will be gnarly.
I'm sorry, but you need to get over yourself. If you truly think that life is all about your "Feelz," and not for the vows that you agreed to, then you need to let your husband go to find someone who will love him and truly wants to be with him.
He deserves better.


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## gameopoly5

sugarplum0915 said:


> I am a 35 year old woman. I have been married to my husband for seven years and we have been together a total of ten years. We have two beautiful children and built a nice life together. We have had our ups and downs. Our marriage was strained the last few years and we were in a horrible rut for a while . My marriage also suffered due to my husband’s anger and mental health issues. In this time, I made the horrible mistake of falling deeply in love with another man. Long story there, but I kept things purely friendly with this other man and I never technically cheated. I fought my feelings for this man knowing it was wrong, but it happened anyway. My husband and I separated over it. I was more than ready to divorce my husband for this man, however we did not end up together. My husband and I stayed separated for 8 months. We both worked on ourselves and pursued individual counseling. He has since forgiven me and we have decided to get back together and work things out. We are in marriage counseling now and doing well. His anger and mental health are improving. He is not a perfect man by any means but he is mostly good to me and takes care of me. He is a good Dad. He cooks, cleans, and takes care of the finances. I never question his love or desire for me. We have both been working extremely hard to make this marriage work in the last 4 months. The issue is.. I am still feeling unhappy because there is just nothing there…no sparks, no magic, no passion between us. I feel bored and restless. I don’t even think I am really in love with him anymore. Does my marriage sound fixable? Is this just how it is after 10 years together? Is this normal? Is there a way for me to fall in love with him again or is divorce inevitable? Is love and passion necessary to make this marriage work? I am the kind of person that needs to feel passion in everything I do. I certainly love him in my own way and always will, but I don’t know if I ever loved him the way a wife should love a husband. I remember being deeply in love with him in the beginning but he was my first serious relationship, so was it just new/puppy love? A part of me feels like I settled with the first man who gave me the time of day. I think I agreed to try and work on our marriage is because he was better than being alone and I could no have the man I really wanted. what advice does anyone have for me? Should we continue to try and work on our marriage or is it time to call it quits for good?


Wives falling out of love from their husbands and bored in their relationships are becoming common themes in these forums and threads.
You separated from your husband. Where did you go for the 8 months during your separation?
You said, I made the horrible mistake of falling deeply in love with another man. Long story there, but I kept things purely friendly with this other man *(How friendly is friendly?*) and I never technically cheated. I fought my feelings for this man knowing it was wrong, but it happened anyway. My husband and I separated over it. *I was more than ready to divorce my husband for this man, however we did not end up together. *
So in other words*, *you were willing to leave your husband and family for this other guy, so what stopped you?
Was the guy married, or did he call time on you?
You said, *The issue is I am still feeling unhappy because there is just nothing there…no sparks, no magic, no passion between us. I feel bored and restless. I don’t even think I am really in love with him anymore. Does my marriage sound fixable?*
No, I don`t believe your marriage is fixable on your part if you continue on like this because unlike men when women have affairs whether it be physical or not, it becomes emotional and in many cases can still have feelings for their APs.
I hope you are being upfront with your husband and explained to him your true feelings as you`ve explained to us here instead of leading him on that there is hope for the marriage and sooner or later you won`t drop the bomb on him that you`ll going to leave.


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## RoseyPosey713

Have you tried talking to your therapist or counselor? I don't think staying in a place that doesn't truly make us happy make. life as worthwhile...


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## yjoe

sugarplum0915 said:


> This is exactly what I was afraid of. My “AP” is no longer in the picture at all. No, he was not married, very much single. We worked together and what brought things to a head was the fact that I lost my job. I was totally heartbroken I could no longer deny my feelings for him to myself or my husband. This is what led us to separate. This guy and I did end up talking via text for a few months after I lost my job. Things heated up a bit between us and I expected we would get together at some point. Eventually his texts became fewer and farther between to the point where he ghosted me completely with no explanation as to why. I haven’t seen him in a year since I lost my job, nor have I spoken to him in six months since his last messages. I know that things will never happen between us now but I yes, unfortunately I am still very much in love with him. I don’t expect that will ever change. I am also very haunted by questions as to why he ghosted the way he did. I’m sure I will never know.


 It's called Karma. Also the fact that you decided to get back with husband to just not be alone was very selfish by you. You broke him first, then seemed like he was building himself backup and now you are going to break him agaim all because of your immaturity. You deserve and need to be alone and not get involved with anyone else until you learn the true meaning of long term relationship/ marriage. It ain't airways going to be rainbows and butterflys.


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