# Women are more likely to cheat if their mothers were unfaithful too



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

"Adulteresses feared a backlash from their parents over an affair far less than the offspring of couples who had remained faithful."


Read more: Women more likely to cheat if their mothers were unfaithful too | Mail Online


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Could the same be said for men if their fathers are/were adulterers?


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

I have to agree. My wife cheated and I was shocked to find out from my father in law that her mother cheated on him. Not sure if it was a PA or EA, but something happened.

Funny thing is, her brother cheated on his wife too. Maybe their mother passed the cheating gene down.

So now my goal in life is to not let my daughter fall victim to this.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Could the same be said for men if their fathers are/were adulterers?


The articles says yes but to a lesser degree than women.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

My mother was a cheater and I have never cheated nor have I wanted to. If anything, I have done everything in my power NOT to be like her.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

karole said:


> My mother was a cheater and I have never cheated nor have I wanted to. If anything, I have done everything in my power NOT to be like her.



Maybe it comes down to a person being weak who in turn raises a weak person. Perhaps you got your strength from your father.

I know my wife is an incredibly weak person. I knew that long before she cheated on me. I am an incredibly strong person and that is the one thing I hope I pass on to my daughter more than anything else.

Needless to say, my stepson is weak minded despite my best efforts to change that. 

I joked about there being a cheating gene passed down, but I think all thats passed down is a weakness in mind and character.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My aunt cheated, but her daughters have not. I really don't buy into that. There are many who cheat whose parents were competely faithful. Sorry, but I'm not buying that there is some sort of "cheating gene". It's just one more excuse for "I can't help it. It's genetic." Bullshyt.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> My aunt cheated, but her daughters have not. I really don't buy into that. There are many who cheat whose parents were competely faithful. Sorry, but I'm not buying that there is some sort of "cheating gene". It's just one more excuse for "I can't help it. It's genetic." Bullshyt.


The cheating gene part was brought up in jest and this article as I see it was not meant as an excuse, but more a precautionary fact finding. 

What the article was saying (and I don't know if I totally agree due to the manner in which it was conducted, the respondent pool, etc) is that if your parent cheats male and female inclusive, then you have a greater propensity to cheat yourself. Not sure If I totally agree with this and would be curious as to how many had opposite sex parents that cheated and what your chance is then, would it still be greater if the mother cheated?? I guess it is like saying that if you are the offspring of an abusive or alcoholic parent then you are more likely to repeat their behavior yourself.

You also don't know if they have cheated or not, as the statistics say that 80% have cheated and no one ever found/ finds out. You just know that they haven't been caught/ admitted it to you and the family.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Somebody can look up, but I know Not Just Friends has a lot of statistics. Basically, you are more likely to cheat if someone close to you has or is currently. Can't remember if it was higher for women or men...

Just remember seeing that and knowing both my WW's mother and father cheated (or at least she believes they did) Mother she believes had a office affair, father found out, then banged anything in sight for a while. She's not positive about her mother, but remembers them arguing about her boss and her relationship, so it could have been an EA or PA. But she knows her father cheated and remembers overhearing the arguments.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

hawx20 said:


> Maybe it comes down to a person being weak who in turn raises a weak person. Perhaps you got your strength from your father.
> . . . .


Well, the values and character a child is raised with strongly affect the values and character that child will hold as an adult. That’s a well understood proposition.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Graywolf2 said:


> "Adulteresses feared a backlash from their parents over an affair far less than the offspring of couples who had remained faithful."
> 
> 
> Read more: Women more likely to cheat if their mothers were unfaithful too | Mail Online


This also applies to divorce:

The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home, and 200 percent higher risk when both of them do, says Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah and author of "Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages." 

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Usually.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Hmmm, what does it mean if my sister cheated before my mom did?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> This also applies to divorce:
> 
> _The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home, and 200 percent higher risk when both of them do, says Nicholas Wolfinger_
> 
> The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Usually.


I don't believe this. Because plenty of people get divorced even if their parents are still married. And many people never divorce even if their parents did.

People aren't their parents.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

It's not an all or nothing thing, if you don't think it increases the chances, you're kidding yourself.

Here's why.

*People tend to learn what they are shown growing up by parents and role models.*

In my case, my wifes grandmother always told her daughters and granddaughters how she didn't marry the love of her life, her boyfriend from high school who she cheated with for decades while her husband paid the bills and raised the children. Her "love of her life", went home to his wife (the love of HIS life), after banging his playmate... 

Her mother, one upped grandma, by marrying her OM. She took the example, and wasn't about to make the same mistake letting her life go without marrying the OM. Of course she ended up cheating on him too.. they are still together.

The aunt cheated too... and here's why they help the kids learn how to cheat.

Not only did grandma talk about her lover, she made it clear that it was okay to cheat, that's romantic.

Her mom, not only cheated, but validated it all.. her husband did all sorts of horrible things like work three jobs, so he was never home.. he gambled ($10 scratch ticket on payday) etc.. he was a monster. She married her OM, happy ending.. all worked out for the best.

The aunt had the best story.. her boyfriend that she was always with, brought to our functions, her sisters wedding etc.. He was married, but it was okay that he was cheating on his wife, becasue as my wife put it after I pointed out her role models sucked... "His wife had that disease where people can't leave the house". I'm not sure if the point was that she would never know, so it's cool.. or that somehow that made her deserve to be cheated on and lied to. It invalidated that 'in sickness and in health' clause of the wedding vows.

Add in, a job where everyone is cheating.. the culture says it's okay to cheat.. and all of the sudden it's not a big deal.

Another thing I notice, is this family not only has a trend of cheating, but they lie.. they are all liars, and I think that gets passed down too. You live with liars, watch them lie, and learn to lie like they do. You think that's how life works, because that's what you've been taught. 

Mom, auntie and grandma taught my wife how to gaslight, blameshift, trickle truth.. all the important things in life. It's not something they just pick up on.. 


When I was looking for a girlfriend in high school, it was important to me to find a girl that had a stable home life. I thought it would mean my girlfriend had good examples to learn from. I not only noticed if the mom was fat, I noticed if she was faithful to dad.. to get a glimpse into what the future might hold for this girl. My wifes mother was not only very cute, but married and seemed loyal. I wish I knew then what I knew later, when she was caught cheating.. by then I had been with my now wife for years.

I was very upset when the mom moved her boyfriend in, he is four years older than me and had a camera, loved taking pictures of his new girlfriends three daughters, made me ill.. He actually still makes me ill decades later, I can't stand him or her. I have issues because of her cheating, that surfaced when my wife got caught. I never really thought about why I despise him so much, but it all came together. It must've crushed her father, they were also together since children. Too bad he didn't know grandma was cheating at the time, he might have backed away slowly...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> The cheating gene part was brought up in jest and this article as I see it was not meant as an excuse, but more a precautionary fact finding.


It was mentioned, HERE, in jest, yes. In the article, although it ddn't say "I can't help it, it's genetic.", it DID state "Cheating runs in the family. Now, I don know what that means where you're from, but around here, when something "run in the family", it means they blame the genes. And THAT was stated in the article.



Squeakr said:


> What the article was saying (and I don't know if I totally agree due to the manner in which it was conducted, the respondent pool, etc) is that if your parent cheats male and female inclusive, then you have a greater propensity to cheat yourself. Not sure If I totally agree with this and would be curious as to how many had opposite sex parents that cheated and what your chance is then, would it still be greater if the mother cheated?? I guess it is like saying that if you are the offspring of an abusive or alcoholic parent then you are more likely to repeat their behavior yourself.


Well, my understanding about my grandmother is that she was promiscuous, but she never cheated. Her husband, who was not my biological grandfather, but WAS the man we called grandpa and the man my dad considered to be his dad, all his life, DID cheat on grandma. Dad never cheated, nor did any of his siblings.So, from my own experience/knowledge, the theory doesn't hold true.



Squeakr said:


> You also don't know if they have cheated or not, as the statistics say that 80% have cheated and no one ever found/ finds out. You just know that they haven't been caught/ admitted it to you and the family.


We can all come up with our own anecdotes proving the theory true or false. But, really, it all comes down to each individual's own strengths/weakneses and tendencies. Each is responsible for his/her OWN actions/decisions... NOT the parents.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Hmmm, what does it mean if my sister cheated before my mom did?


It has to start somewhere.. did your Mom provide a good role model, teach your sister right from wrong? Perhaps mom just got caught after sister.. and was cheating before, and your sister knew about it. My sister told me about my parents cheating after I found out about my wife. When I was telling her about my wifes sucky role models. In my parents case, they pretended to be upstanding citizens so I had no idea my father cheated on my mother and she had a revenge affair. They still haven't told me, I only know because my sister told me. Image how I felt that day, learn my parents can't even be honest with me... My sister cheated on her first husband with his best friend, she married the OM, she's miserable and he's clueless. I'd bet she's cheating on him, or has.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> This also applies to divorce:
> 
> The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home, and 200 percent higher risk when both of them do, says Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah and author of "Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages."
> 
> The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Usually.


In my case its the opposite.

I come from divorced parents. My wifes parents have been married for years. I do everything I can to ensure I will not be divorced. My wife did something that could've/should've caused a divorce.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Hmmm, what does it mean if my sister cheated before my mom did?


80% of affairs go undetected, so the experts say.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

On the surface, I would think there would be a correlation on cheating and divorce if the parents cheated or divorced. Thinking of my close family members, I do not see a correlation. My parents were married for life. I have two brothers and two sisters, both sisters are divorced and one brother is divorced. My oldest brother and I are the only ones not divorced. My wife's parents will soon celebrate their 60th anniversary. My wife's sister is on husband number 3. I think divorce is so common now that a parent's influence may have little to do with success in marriage. Probably the same could be said for cheating.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> 80% of affairs go undetected, so the experts say.


How do you measure an 'undetected' number.. that must've been an interesting poll.

Who here has had an affair but never told anyone about it, show of hands please?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

russell28 said:


> How do you measure an 'undetected' number.. that must've been an interesting poll.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

russell28 said:


> How do you measure an 'undetected' number.. that must've been an interesting poll.
> 
> Who here has had an affair but never told anyone about it, show of hands please?


I do think this is probably pretty common. In the book "Not Just Friends" if I remember correctly the author did a poll at an airport asking who has had an affair and came up with a pretty high number. I think people will answer an anonymous poll truthfully.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

I think often people have role models that aren't parents, and they learn from teachers, decons, mentors, coaches etc.. They might be able to get the right message from someone that they admire who isn't the cheating parent. Many times they just have even poorer role models outside of the family. I remember our gym teachers were cheating, the vice principle was cheating in high school.. my english teacher went from being the nicest guy in the world to the biggest prick because he found out his wife cheated on him and left her. Same with the art teacher, miserable man.. he remarried and ended up having young children, I saw him at the ball field with my kids when they were younger.

Done with my rant.. people become what they learn in life. We are taught what we see. Not everyone will follow, but it does make it easier or so it seems.. people and situations are complicated so no blanket statement will ever apply, but I can say from experience that this article has some truth to it. Apples do fall close to the tree..


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I guess these findings make about as much sense as those not long ago which indicated that the bigger a man's balls, the more likely he is to cheat. That's to say: yeah, I guess it makes sense in a fairly remote kind of way, but I ain't betting the grocery money on outcomes.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

johnAdams said:


> I do think this is probably pretty common. In the book "Not Just Friends" if I remember correctly the author did a poll at an airport asking who has had an affair and came up with a pretty high number. I think people will answer an anonymous poll truthfully.


+/- 10% for smart asses and people in a hurry?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

johnAdams said:


> On the surface, I would think there would be a correlation on cheating and divorce if the parents cheated or divorced. Thinking of my close family members, I do not see a correlation. My parents were married for life. I have two brothers and two sisters, both sisters are divorced and one brother is divorced. My oldest brother and I are the only ones not divorced. My wife's parents will soon celebrate their 60th anniversary. My wife's sister is on husband number 3. I think divorce is so common now that a parent's influence may have little to do with success in marriage. Probably the same could be said for cheating.


Yes but what did the spouses family look like in your siblings cases, as they may be following the trend? Remember as they say it takes 2 to marry but only 1 to divorce. Their spouses family histories may the telling issue.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

russell28 said:


> How do you measure an 'undetected' number.. that must've been an interesting poll.
> 
> Who here has had an affair but never told anyone about it, show of hands please?


That's easy. You do an anonymous poll where people are likely to be fairly honest, ask if they had an affair, and also if they were discovered. If it's properly designed, you can ask a large enough number of non-self-selecting people and keep the margin of error low and the veracity high.

I've seen similar stats - about 80% of men's affairs are not discovered, but over 90% of women's affairs are not.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

GTdad said:


> I guess these findings make about as much sense as those not long ago which indicated that the bigger a man's balls, the more likely he is to cheat. That's to say: yeah, I guess it makes sense in a fairly remote kind of way, but I ain't betting the grocery money on outcomes.



I do have very large balls and I didn't cheat, so that argument is obviously invalid. My balls are the size of a medicine ball.. I hop around on them like a hippity hop.. 

 

This one links behavior of a parent to behavior in a child that was raised in the house with that parent.

It's not comparing the size of balls to behavior of the individual with said large balls.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> Yes but what did the spouses family look like in your siblings cases, as they may be following the trend? Remember as they say it takes 2 to marry but only 1 to divorce. Their spouses family histories may the telling issue.


Good point. I am not sure of their family situations. This would give a double whammy. If both parties did not come from good families are they even more prone to divorce?


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> That's easy. You do an anonymous poll where people are likely to be fairly honest, ask if they had an affair, and also if they were discovered. If it's properly designed, you can ask a large enough number of non-self-selecting people and keep the margin of error low and the veracity high.
> 
> I've seen similar stats - about 80% of men's affairs are not discovered, but over 90% of women's affairs are not.


If these people are having affairs, how can we trust them? You want people that are having affairs to be honest about the affairs?

HAHAHAHA!!!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

GTdad said:


> I guess these findings make about as much sense as those not long ago which indicated that the bigger a man's balls, the more likely he is to cheat. That's to say: yeah, I guess it makes sense in a fairly remote kind of way, but I ain't betting the grocery money on outcomes.


_Statistically_, yes, it's true. Individuals are not bound by statistics, of course. Why it's true is a little harder to figure out, but basically some portion of the male population evolved a reproductive strategy based on sperm warfare. Another portion - with smaller testes - evolved to favor a mate-guarding strategy.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*And there's also some academic studies that indicate that a woman has a greater inclination to cheat if her Dad did ~ simply because of the closeness of the Father/Daughter relationship.*


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

"I need 100 people with large balls that are lying and cheating and deluding themselves to answer a few questions honestly please, show of hands??"


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *And there's also some academic studies that indicate that a woman has a greater inclination to cheat if her Dad did ~ simply because of the closeness of the Father/Daughter relationship.*


This figure doubles if dad also has a huge nutsack.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

russell28 said:


> This figure doubles if dad also has a huge nutsack.


*Absolutely!*


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Everything always turns into a penis thread eventually.

Love you guys.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

russell28 said:


> "I need 100 people with large balls that are lying and cheating and deluding themselves to answer a few questions honestly please, show of hands??"


They need their hands to hold up their huge balls!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

russell28 said:


> "*I need 100 people with large balls* that are lying and cheating and deluding themselves to answer a few questions honestly please, show of hands??"


*Let's just say that not only have I offered up some rather flimsy misleading statements within the scope of my lifetime, in addition to being somewhat delusional; I'm sorry to report that I feel that I am preeminently disqualified from this study primarily because of that opening prerequisite requirement!










Now call this guy, Y'all! He's preeminently qualified!*


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> *Let's just say that not only have I offered up some rather flimsy misleading statements within the scope of my lifetime, in addition to being somewhat delusional, I'm sorry to report that I am preeminently disqualified from this study primarily because of that opening prerequisite requirement!*


Don't sell yourself short, buddy. Any man willing to ref games in Texas and face the wrath of rabid fans/family members has to have quite a pair.

What's this thread about again?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

GTdad said:


> What's this thread about again?


Penis size... they're all about penis size, even when they're not.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

russell28 said:


> How do you measure an 'undetected' number.. that must've been an interesting poll.
> 
> Who here has had an affair but never told anyone about it, show of hands please?


You'll have to ask "the experts." Google it and maybe you can come up with some email addresses.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

johnAdams said:


> I do think this is probably pretty common. In the book "Not Just Friends" if I remember correctly the author did a poll at an airport asking who has had an affair and came up with a pretty high number. I think people will answer an anonymous poll truthfully.


Particularly with women, the greater the anonymity of the survey, the greater the admissions of naughty sexual behavior.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> This also applies to divorce:
> 
> The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home, and 200 percent higher risk when both of them do, says Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah and author of "Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages."
> 
> The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Usually.


So basically, if the husband comes from a broken home and the wife comes from a broken home where the mother cheated....

That marriage is EFFED. Don't even bother. Go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Okay I gotta ask. Obviously there's studies about penis size (average length blah blah)

What is the average size of testes and how the heck do you measure. Circumference? Overall Sackapacity? Do you measure them coming out of cold water so the sack is in tight or when they've been warmed up and swinging low?

What about weight? 

I'm going to email my wife right now and ask her to measure my balls. (actually that would be funny...hmmm)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Okay I gotta ask. Obviously there's studies about penis size (average length blah blah)
> 
> What is the average size of testes and how the heck do you measure. Circumference? Overall Sackapacity? Do you measure them coming out of cold water so the sack is in tight or when they've been warmed up and swinging low?
> 
> What about weight?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> So basically, if the husband comes from a broken home and the wife comes from a broken home where the mother cheated....
> 
> That marriage is EFFED. Don't even bother. Go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.


Well, it all depends, you know? 

My XWLTGF was from an intact home and went to church every Sunday, but she still turned out to be quite trashy when I was out of town. Fast forward a few years and she's 28 and partied out, she cleans up, dries out, and gets a beta-provider acquaintance of mine whose wife just dumped him for another woman and she's back to miss goody two shoes mom of three. Only me and about 32 guys from the AF academy know the real her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I think my wife learned her cheating from her mother who is utterly mad and not very nice.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Yes sir was certainly true in my case. Apple never falls far from the tree


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

johnAdams said:


> On the surface, I would think there would be a correlation on cheating and divorce if the parents cheated or divorced. Thinking of my close family members, I do not see a correlation. My parents were married for life. I have two brothers and two sisters, both sisters are divorced and one brother is divorced. My oldest brother and I are the only ones not divorced. My wife's parents will soon celebrate their 60th anniversary. My wife's sister is on husband number 3. I think divorce is so common now that a parent's influence may have little to do with success in marriage. Probably the same could be said for cheating.


I agree with you. I think it's a crap shoot. My parents have been married for 53 years and my wife's parents were married for 62 years prior to her father's death. My wife and I are still married after 28 years.

My brother is now divorced after 17 years of marriage. His former wife came from divorced parents but the divorce was entirely his fault.

My wife's sister, is on husband number 6, yes I said number 6, so who knows what will happen. My wife's brother is also on wife number 2. My wife hates divorce or even the idea of it. She seems to be the only one in her family that saw her parents married for 62 years and learned something. 

I find it amazing to look at the marital commitment levels and attitudes amongst siblings. It can be as different as night and day. You would never know in some cases that they came from the same set of parents.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> 80% of affairs go undetected, so the experts say.


That doesn't compute for me. I know so many that either cheated or were cheated on... 

I guess it could mean that those that thought their spouse only cheated once really cheated four more times and were only caught on the fifth?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> This also applies to divorce:
> 
> The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home, and 200 percent higher risk when both of them do, says Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah and author of "Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages."
> 
> The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Usually.


Herein should lie major concern for politician/policy makers.

If the divorce rate is high, society pays an economic price. The social costs in dysfunction and crime must be significant.

Makes the banking malfeasance and war mania even more damaging since divorce and broken families must spring from these disasters.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> That doesn't compute for me. I know so many that either cheated or were cheated on...
> 
> I guess it could mean that those that thought their spouse only cheated once really cheated four more times and were only caught on the fifth?


Yeah, that doesn't pass the smell test for me either. I do think affairs go undetected but how do you arrive at 80%? I'd wager the real number is much lower than that.

There has either got to be a lot of crafty cheaters or a lot of head in the sand spouses to believe this to be true. I think that there may be a fair amount who couldn't prove their SO had an affair, as in not enough evidence, but I find it hard to believe that 4 of every 5 affairs go completely undetected. I just don't think there are that many people in the world smart enough to have an affair and not make any mistakes or have changes in their behavior in any way, which would get them noticed. And this would have to be true for both sides of the cheating affair couple as well. The odds of that would seem much lower than 80%.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Monogamy is difficult for **** sapiens.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Not sure what I think about this hypothesis. My mother had multiple affairs behind my dad's back, when I was a teen. All five of us children knew about said affairs. It tore our family in two. It destroyed any semblance of a family that we had ever had. Now, as a married adult with three little children, I abhor cheating and infidelity. I know the nuclear destruction that it causes, quite literally RUINING lives. Can children grow up to emulate cheating parents? Sure. But can they can also grow up to avoid repeating parent's disasters? Absolutely.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Rushwater said:


> Not sure what I think about this hypothesis. My mother had multiple affairs behind my dad's back, when I was a teen. All five of us children knew about said affairs. It tore our family in two. It destroyed any semblance of a family that we had ever had. Now, as a married adult with three little children, I abhor cheating and infidelity. I know the nuclear destruction that it causes, quite literally RUINING lives. Can children grow up to emulate cheating parents? Sure. But can they can also grow up to avoid repeating parent's disasters? Absolutely.


It sounds like you had good role models in your life to go along with those toxic ones, and the good role models made the larger impression on you. We ultimately make our own choices in life, but we do have mentors and things that teach us along the way. Hell, it could be from reading or watching TV, seeing another parent do it right.. Like June Cleaver, she was such a saint to put up with that jerk off Ward.. I bet Ward was cheating.


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## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> *Hmmm, what does it mean if my sister cheated before my mom did?*



In that case, I guess, *the tree doesn't fall far from the apple.*


the fall, somehow, seems more and more inevitable.


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## carpenoctem (Jul 4, 2012)

*Women more likely to cheat if their mothers were unfaithful too | Mail Online*


If this is true, we'll have to scale up / back to *grandma* too.

And so on.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

It all comes down to the individual. Nature or nurture determines your actions. Are you weak minded and selfish or are you selfless and strong?

My family is everything to me. There is no woman in this world worth destroying my family over. Even if my wife and I didnt get along, I still wouldnt cheat because its not just cheating on my wife, but my kids too.

My wife did not think the same way. She is weak and selfish. The most important thing to her at the time of her affair was not her husband and not her kids. The most important thing to her was to not feel old and to know that she still "had it".

My parents are strong minded people. Hers are not. There is no cheating gene but there are factors in a parents personality that they pass on to their children that make them more prone to cheating.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> That doesn't compute for me. I know so many that either cheated or were cheated on...
> 
> I guess it could mean that those that thought their spouse only cheated once really cheated four more times and were only caught on the fifth?


I found it hard to believe as well. But, it seems the statistics back it up. I can't find the study mentioned, but one compilation of statistics stated:



> One study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair - largely because they failed to recognize the telltale signs.


And this article (not based on a valid scientific study, but based on self-reported cheater survey) supports that most affairs aren't discovered (of course, it could be they hadn't been *yet*, if they were ongong!):

Almost all women who cheat never get caught by their partners.... but a fifth of men DO get found out | Mail Online


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