# I'm so frustrated and ready to quit...H threatened to leave



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

My H has implemented a 'strike' system for my 16 year old boy. If he leaves clothes or a plates laying around or is late for school or misses curfew - it's a strike. 5 in a month he loses his phone for a month. 
Yesterday my son had stomach flu but tried to still go to work. He put his work uniform over the railing and forgot it. H found it and said, 'a strike'. I said let's wait til next time he comes home and if he doesn't take them then ok, but they can't walk away alone so just hang on.
Son came home (got sent home early) and took his work clothes first thing. H got annoyed because sick son went downstairs to watch TV instead of to bed. His bathroom is downstairs. H doesn't like him using ours which is on the floor with his bedroom. If he's still actively vomiting, running 2 short flights of stairs makes no sense.
So he starts riding sons ass over the 'strike'. Well my son is green with flu and says, 'these strikes are stupid'. Well it's enough for H to go over the top with his lecture. All I said is, 'can we discuss this when son is feeling better'. Now he wants a divorce because I'm not supportive. He's trying to scare me and manipulate me and I'm so sick of him. 
Just my vent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> My H has implemented a 'strike' system for my 16 year old boy. If he leaves clothes or a plates laying around or is late for school or misses curfew - it's a strike. 5 in a month he loses his phone for a month.
> Yesterday my son had stomach flu but tried to still go to work. He put his work uniform over the railing and forgot it. H found it and said, 'a strike'. I said let's wait til next time he comes home and if he doesn't take them then ok, but they can't walk away alone so just hang on.
> Son came home (got sent home early) and took his work clothes first thing. H got annoyed because sick son went downstairs to watch TV instead of to bed. His bathroom is downstairs. H doesn't like him using ours which is on the floor with his bedroom. If he's still actively vomiting, running 2 short flights of stairs makes no sense.
> So he starts riding sons ass over the 'strike'. Well my son is green with flu and says, 'these strikes are stupid'. Well it's enough for H to go over the top with his lecture. All I said is, 'can we discuss this when son is feeling better'. Now he wants a divorce because I'm not supportive. He's trying to scare me and manipulate me and I'm so sick of him.
> Just my vent.


I think your husband has picked an odd time to start his strike system. I do not think the right time to be territorial over a bathroom is when your son has the flu. (Normally I'd say that it's silly to be territorial over a bathroom at all, but if your son makes a habit of leaving stuff all over the place, maybe he just wants one bathroom that is immune to the clutter.)

Have you tried other things to help address your son's discipline problems? It is reasonable to expect that his being late to school and missing curfew should have some sort of consequence to it... what other things have you tried and why didn't they work?

It sort of sounds like your husband has just become sick of the lack of discipline and is laying down the law without getting your input/help/buy-in. No wonder you are angry.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Acorn said:


> I think your husband has picked an odd time to start his strike system. I do not think the right time to be territorial over a bathroom is when your son has the flu. (Normally I'd say that it's silly to be territorial over a bathroom at all, but if your son makes a habit of leaving stuff all over the place, maybe he just wants one bathroom that is immune to the clutter.)
> 
> Have you tried other things to help address your son's discipline problems? It is reasonable to expect that his being late to school and missing curfew should have some sort of consequence to it... what other things have you tried and why didn't they work?
> 
> It sort of sounds like your husband has just become sick of the lack of discipline and is laying down the law without getting your input/help/buy-in. No wonder you are angry.


My son is forgetful with clothes. After a shower he will have underwear laying in his bathroom. He has been late once to school with car problems and never late to work in 2 years. 
H calls missing curfew 1 minute late. It's more control than needing enforcement crackdown on a kid going wild.
I'm tired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

How frustrating. Is there something else going on with Hubs that he has to lash out like this? Just wondering.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

how awful, my wife and I have minor clashes with our younger son and discipline (we've mostly worked it out, but it's the same theme, I am more strict) but I would certainly recognize that being ill is not a good time to start something drastic


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

that_girl said:


> How frustrating. Is there something else going on with Hubs that he has to lash out like this? Just wondering.


I thought money problems, but we solved that a few months ago and he was better since. I don't know. He had good day at work - I could tell he was broiling with how he was treating our preschooler - no patience. 
Where I really got upset was our preschooler acted out due to stress and bit me. I was going to put him in his room and H growled I better not dare because I don't punish 16 year old for clothes so I shouldn't punish preschooler.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> I thought money problems, but we solved that a few months ago and he was better since. I don't know. He had good day at work - I could tell he was broiling with how he was treating our preschooler - no patience.
> Where I really got upset was our preschooler acted out due to stress and bit me. I was going to put him in his room and H growled I better not dare because I don't punish 16 year old for clothes so I shouldn't punish preschooler.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Hm. I don't get that one. Biting and leaving clothes out are completely different things.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> how awful, my wife and I have minor clashes with our younger son and discipline (we've mostly worked it out, but it's the same theme, I am more strict) but I would certainly recognize that being ill is not a good time to start something drastic


Like 16 year old isn't perfect. While he has been late once, we have had 7 calls from school. I have followed through on every call and it was school error (marking wrong student). So not his fault.
My son plays hockey. We are in an extreme hockey town where ice time goes til midnight. If homework done and he gets up next day on his own for school, I will allow him once every few weeks to play rec hockey home right after. He came home an hour late once (went for food after game), I grounded him for week. He accepted it and all is good.
He's not perfect but all in all pretty decent. When parents are struggling with drugs and gangs I'd hate to push a good kid away over forgetfulness or carelessness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Golfergirl, it is time to hit one down the middle of the fairway.

Be straight with your husband. Call his bluff. My wife is the heavy in my house, and 95% of the time we are on the same page.

It is the other 5% of the time when it is tough. It was not to long ago when my wife and son were going at it before school.

I was not there. I am up and out of the house by 6am. I have a business to run. Anyway, by 730 am I was getting calls from both regarding the blow out. After listneing I thought my wife crossed the line and let her know it. So, when I got home I recieved her wrath. She asked me to leave, I said no I am not going anywhere; period! She cried and ran out of the house.

She was wrong, I thought she was wrong and I stuck to my guns. Then here comes the father and law. He is telling me that I must stick to my wife even if she is wrong. I said not this time. I also told hime to be carefull where where he steps, he may step on a land mine.

Tell your husband the 5 strikes your out system is a good one. It is something I would do. I would also tell him that you have a great son. Most kids yours sons age cant even hold a job never mind going into work with the flu. It sounds like you and your husband are doing a great job. Your husband needs to lay off a little when your son is sick. When your husband is sick is he on his game? I doubt it.

Make sure you tell your husband you love him but you will never tolerate the divorce threat ever again.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> My son is forgetful with clothes. After a shower he will have underwear laying in his bathroom. He has been late once to school with car problems and never late to work in 2 years.
> H calls missing curfew 1 minute late. It's more control than needing enforcement crackdown on a kid going wild.
> I'm tired.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He sounds like a normal 16 year old kid to me - actually if that's the worst my kids are like at 16 I'll consider myself lucky. I hope things improve for you.


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