# Women Who Don't Need Men



## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."

How would you describe this kind of woman?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


Perfect FWB material 😅


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


The perfect side piece.. Or
The perfect FWB for my guy friend in the other thread. I expect they will marry each other within 18 months.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


You just described most of my NSA dates


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

My answer is the same as my answer on the other thread. There will always be men out there who can take this woman down. No one is fully immune to the opposite sex.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not said:


> My answer is the same as my answer on the other thread. There will always be men out there who can take this woman down. No one is fully immune to the opposite sex.


Why take them down? She's perfect the way she is 😅


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Not said:


> My answer is the same as my answer on the other thread. There will always be men out there who can take this woman down. No one is fully immune to the opposite sex.


What does this mean? That’s a genuine question.

What does ‘taking a woman down’ mean? And is fully immune synonymous with indifferent?

I find men very attractive, in general. I like looking at them. I enjoy listening to their voices. I just don’t want to deal with them. 😅


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

minimalME said:


> What does this mean? That’s a genuine question.
> 
> What does ‘taking a woman down’ mean? And is fully immune synonymous with indifferent?
> 
> I find men very attractive, in general. I like looking at them. I enjoy listening to their voices. I just don’t want to deal with them. 😅


I assume she means taking them down cupid-style:










The love bugs 😅

Now why would you do that?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

minimalME said:


> What does this mean? That’s a genuine question.
> 
> What does ‘taking a woman down’ mean? And is fully immune synonymous with indifferent?
> 
> I find men very attractive, in general. I like looking at them. I enjoy listening to their voices. I just don’t want to deal with them. 😅


So basically you tell them "Don't talk, you'll ruin it" ? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> So basically you tell them "Don't talk, you'll ruin it" ? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Maybe if they keep their mouths shut folks can have a fantasy about them which is nice 😅 

Minute the mouth opens... POOF!








Just like that, it's gone!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Now why would you do that?


Do what? 🤔


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

minimalME said:


> What does this mean? That’s a genuine question.
> 
> What does ‘taking a woman down’ mean? And is fully immune synonymous with indifferent?
> 
> I find men very attractive, in general. I like looking at them. I enjoy listening to their voices. I just don’t want to deal with them. 😅


I think his point was there is a perfect man out there who you would want to deal with.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I think most of the ladies that say this are in denial. They're usually older, uncompromising, and don't offer enough to attract the men they actually want.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> So basically you tell them "Don't talk, you'll ruin it" ? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣





RandomDude said:


> Maybe if they keep their mouths shut folks can have a fantasy about them which is nice 😅


Well, I enjoy listening, but that’s more about sound than personality. Some men have amazing voices. ☺


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

minimalME said:


> Well, I enjoy listening, but that’s more about sound than personality. Some men have amazing voices. ☺


No, I not singing for you. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> I think most of the ladies that say this are in denial. They're usually older, uncompromising, and don't offer enough to attract the men they actually want.


Eh? All I see are green lights so 😅


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

happyhusband0005 said:


> I think his point was there is a perfect man out there who you would want to deal with.


There are no perfect men (or women), so, no. 😬


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Eh? All I see are green lights so 😅


I mean, sure. I get that. You see green lights for NSA FWB and that's all they will ever be. The guys they actually would be interested in don't want them and the men that are interested aren't good enough in their eyes. Most would rather be a FWB to a guy they want than "settle" for a relationship with a guy that actually cares about them. I have a few friends like this.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


I’d describe her as perfect girlfriend material.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

And I would never say that I don’t need men. I’m very thankful for all that men do in the world. And if I needed help in some way, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask. ☺


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


A fun hook-up?


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


My response is the same as for the man who was similar to this. As long as they live honourably and don't take advantage of anybody, I wish them well.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Same as the guy in the other thread. Living her life. We’re not all the same in our preferences.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


I'd describe her as someone who desperately wants a loving relationship but has been badly hurt and is terrified of being hurt again; OR a woman who's been very unlucky in love, and says stuff like this to avoid the pitiful expressions on peeps faces when they find out she's single.


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## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

The heading reminded me of when I used to visit Bristol (the one the Cabots started from) once or twice a week. To access the city centre I drove down the aptly named "Totterdown" and turned right onto the bridge crossing the multiple railway tracks. 

Emblazoned on the bridge side, in letters two feet tall, was the legend 
"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle".

It would be a very boring world if everyone was as (im)perfect as I.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

minimalME said:


> What does this mean? That’s a genuine question.
> 
> What does ‘taking a woman down’ mean? And is fully immune synonymous with indifferent?
> 
> I find men very attractive, in general. I like looking at them. I enjoy listening to their voices. I just don’t want to deal with them. 😅


Random is correct, cupid style.




happyhusband0005 said:


> I think his point was there is a perfect man out there who you would want to deal with.


Yes, this exactly.



minimalME said:


> Well, I enjoy listening, but that’s more about sound than personality. Some men have amazing voices. ☺


Oh see! Me too. A mans voice could very well tear me away from my cats lol!


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## KayJC (5 mo ago)

Enigma32 said:


> I think most of the ladies that say this are in denial. They're usually older, uncompromising, and don't offer enough to attract the men they actually want.


I think that the women who say will find there's a day when they will very, very much regret this. There can a loneliness that will engulf them when they realize exactly what they missed out on thinking they needed no one at all in their lives.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Speaking through personal experience as a woman currently living the lifestyle mentioned in the OP I can say for sure that constantly being let down, in so very many ways, has produced an attitude in me that says screw this, I’ll do this myself then. Not, I don’t need a man. More so, where are the real men? Because I’m having trouble finding one who doesn’t need his hand held. I’ll wait for that guy, thank you very much.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

KayJC said:


> I think that the women who say will find there's a day when they will very, very much regret this. There can a loneliness that will engulf them when they realize exactly what they missed out on thinking they needed no one at all in their lives.


I think the men with this attitude will also regret it one day. Life is short.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> I think the men with this attitude will also regret it one day. Life is short.


If women can fall in love easily I'm sure some would want to as well. I would love to love again but I know it's just not going to happen now lol.

Simply no mana mate no matter how much I spam the damn button. Primary attack still works though 😅


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

frusdil said:


> I'd describe her as someone who desperately wants a loving relationship but has been badly hurt and is terrified of being hurt again; OR a woman who's been very unlucky in love, and says stuff like this to avoid the pitiful expressions on peeps faces when they find out she's single.


You think single people are pitiful?

Wow. Just wow.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I don't understand what it means to "not need a man". I mean, am I going to shrivel up and die without one? Of course not.....I make money and am a pretty well functioning adult.

But is my life greatly enriched with a good man in it? Absofreakinglutely! I'm blessed to have a great one.

I suspect few people would turn away a partner that made them happy, but that doesn't mean they don't have a happy single life. My sister is one.....she had a live in bf and they broke up. She's quite happy being single and takes care of herself but I know she'd be open if she met a guy she liked.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

I already check all these boxes, EXCEPT sex. I’m sure I could get sex anywhere yes. But I don’t and won’t. So I’m not perfect lol.

I desire a mate eventually, but you won’t find me trying them out before hand, one right after the other in an attempt to find one. 😆. You males are brazen.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> I suspect few people would turn away a partner that made them happy, but that doesn't mean they don't have a happy single life. My sister is one.....she had a live in bf and they broke up. She's quite happy being single and takes care of herself but I know she'd be open if she met a guy she liked.


I have been just like your sister for lengthy periods of my adult life. Every time a LTR ended I always felt like I wanted to just breathe and enjoy my life again. As I got older, the calibre of the available pool of men deteriorated and I certainly wasn't going to "settle".for someone I didn't actually want. I also didn't have a lot of social opportunities to meet new people since in my 30s and 40s all my friends were married and not doing single stuff. Our idea of girls' night out meant taking someone's elderly mother for dinner and a theatre performance and everyone home by 11 PM.

Of course I need men. I pay them to show up temporarily and do the stuff I can't like installing a new water tank or reshingling the roof.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I already check all these boxes, EXCEPT sex. I’m sure I could get sex anywhere yes. But I don’t and won’t. So I’m not perfect lol.
> 
> I desire a mate eventually, but you won’t find me trying them out before hand, one right after the other in an attempt to find one. 😆. You males are brazen.


Eventually a man finds himself in the embrace of a woman. It's inevitable programming no matter how hard he fights it. It's futile, but fighting it gives him some false notion of free will.

It simply doesn't mean his heart is open by the time he encounters her, nor she him. We are simply human beings, as long as we take care of each other's needs with honesty and integrity without the promise of more I feel there should be no judgement.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Livvie said:


> You think single people are pitiful?
> 
> Wow. Just wow.


WTAF?!? Where did I say that?! I DIDN’T!!!


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> *How would you describe this kind of woman?*


A modern woman on borrowed time.
Fine when they are young then once they reach into their mid to late 30s and men no longer find them sexually desirable, it becomes a case of they become lonely old women, buy a dog and die alone.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I would tend to believe her, for some reason I believe females that say this, but I am skeptical of the man that said the same thing in the other thread. Don't know why really, but I think it's about the sex "anytime" bit. I think there are a lot of happy single people of both genders, but I don't think the over whelming majority of them can have sex anytime they want. You'll have a sex life but it won't be the same frequency IMO.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I wouldn't call her anything... I would run away. Too scary for me.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

the same response I made to the question about men doing the same ? IT WAS WHY AT THE TIME I MADE A SEXLESS type response what goes for one goes for the other 

I mind my own affairs , i live my life , I don't expect others to live the same life style 
as long as two consenting people are adults it is their life 
if we all dressed in gray married to a woman that was dressed in lemon under the knee dress had a ford escort , two children 1 boy one girl , what a sad place the world would be


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

there was a club in London back in the early 2000s set up by a close friend of Kate Middleton,
friends,mainly posh and socially well-connected women like herself. There are even rumors
that Kate herself attended,changes nothing if she did or not ,
these parties were known as kk parties and to get in you had to submit photos of yourself 
so a team of judges would see if you were fit to be let in or not 
you all so had to be from a background ,

These Parties still go on today and are different from other swinging parties as they don't let in single men .
Killing Kittens has a rule that guys are not meant to approach. Women initiate contact.
All sex is of course consensual.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


A normal woman, healthy mentally, emotionally, and socially.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Enigma32 said:


> I think most of the ladies that say this are in denial. They're usually older, uncompromising, and don't offer enough to attract the men they actually want.


See, I don't see that. I just see a woman living life, not looking for a relationship for now or whatever, and that doesn't really matter, just a regular person.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

frusdil said:


> I'd describe her as someone who desperately wants a loving relationship but has been badly hurt and is terrified of being hurt again; OR a woman who's been very unlucky in love, and says stuff like this to avoid the pitiful expressions on peeps faces when they find out she's single.


 how did you even go down that road. Seriously, I would kindly like to know.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

CraigBesuden said:


> I don't need a man


How would sound as description "A woman that don't need a man " ?
Of course and besides complete celibacy, that means that she don´t need a one and specific man in her life but may "need" one or more than one (not the point) for other purposes.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

KayJC said:


> I think that the women who say will find there's a day when they will very, very much regret this. There can a loneliness that will engulf them when they realize exactly what they missed out on thinking they needed no one at all in their lives.


No one said she doesn't have family, friends, etc. Or that she's a man hater. C'mon man.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


Self confident, unwilling to let others determine her life, happy


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Not said:


> My answer is the same as my answer on the other thread. There will always be men out there who can take this woman down. No one is fully immune to the opposite sex.


Unless they are homosexual, or at least most.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> See, I don't see that. I just see a woman living life, not looking for a relationship for now or whatever, and that doesn't really matter, just a regular person.


I think most of us are truly happier when we are partnered up. The people who stay single forever are usually just damaged in some way or they've just given up. I don't blame them, but I still see it as giving up.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Someone who finds flaws in Everyman she meets. Looking for perfection and will never find that. Putting on a good face.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't understand what it means to "not need a man". I mean, am I going to shrivel up and die without one? Of course not.....I make money and am a pretty well functioning adult.
> 
> But is my life greatly enriched with a good man in it? Absofreakinglutely! I'm blessed to have a great one.
> 
> I suspect few people would turn away a partner that made them happy, but that doesn't mean they don't have a happy single life. My sister is one.....she had a live in bf and they broke up. She's quite happy being single and takes care of herself but I know she'd be open if she met a guy she liked.


I have been married for my whole adult life, so have never actually been single, But I would think it is best for a person to successfully live single for them to be successfully married. Happy in their own skin.

I would also think if a person is happily single in later life, they probably shouldn’t marry. We get set in our ways when we age.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

frusdil said:


> WTAF?!? Where did I say that?! I DIDN’T!!!


Sure did. Your post - post #24 in this thread, that I already quoted for you. The last sentence you wrote.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Enigma32 said:


> I think most of us are truly happier when we are partnered up. The people who stay single forever are usually just damaged in some way or they've just given up. I don't blame them, but I still see it as giving up.


Reading this forum, Surviving Infidelity, DWIL Nation, etc. and the like does not lead to the conclusion that being partnered up is definitively the best and happiest way to live, because many relationship are _extremely_ unhappy and downright unhealthy. There are probably millions of people in the world partnered up and absolutely miserable because of it. 

I view people who stay in these horrible, truly toxic relationship as more damaged than sometime who just isn't interested in partnering up.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Enigma32 said:


> I think most of us are truly happier when we are partnered up. The people who stay single forever are usually just damaged in some way or they've just given up. I don't blame them, but I still see it as giving up.


Much of it is demographics.
Low population density areas limit the quality men found.

The competition for quality men and women can be intense.

The eight, nines, and tens clean up.

Desire alone does not equal relationship success.

After the initial blush of love lust fades, it is those desirable personalities that win out.

But, only if the environment has a large enough supply of single men and women of all ages.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


Friend. I have a close friend exactly like this, although she had some short relationships earlier in life. She is living the best life - for her. And she has good reasons for not wanting a lasting romantic relationship.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I currently live like the woman described in the OP. I love being partnered up. Not that I’m looking for marriage or anything but having a partner in crime is preferred. BUT I’m good on my own too. 

I cannot even begin to describe the feeling of being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want and not have to worry about any of it fitting with what another person wants or needs. So there’s this incredible freedom to it all too. I don’t think many who have been partnered up their entire adult lives can relate to this. Especially those who are happily partnered up. My life would probably look rather empty and sad to them but it’s not at all.

This happiness I experience trickles down into even the smallest details of my day. I can sleep in as late as I want on the weekends. I’m not a breakfast person so I can just skip that meal altogether. And I can hop in the shower at noon and not have to worry about someone giving me the side eye and accusing me of being lazy. I eat whatever I want and if I don’t feel like eating at all, then I don’t. I love all of this.

As far as sex goes, that’s not a problem. And I don’t need a man for that lol! But if I decide to be with a man that way there are options. Intimacy and connection is definitely missing but I am OK with waiting for someone who fits in with how I live.

My contentment with my life may be a result of how my earlier days were spent. I was married for 25 years and raised three kids. My entire life was focused on other people and what they needed. And now I’ve got time for myself. For women who have been living like this most of their lives, maybe they just realized the importance of being ok with being alone much earlier in life than I did. Maybe they even started out knowing of the importance.

Now that I’ve been living this way for a while I’ve learned the importance of giving another person their space and time in a relationship. I’ve learned that in order to be happy in a relationship both partners need this freedom I am currently experiencing. No one wants to have someone breathing down their neck. Gawd, I do not miss that one bit.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

My mother and all her sisters were either divorced or widowed when they hit their 40's and none of them ever even dated....And these were all women that were all slim/attractive and drew tons of attention from men..

They seemed very happy with their decision..Maybe its because they got treated so shytty,, I dunno...

I think a lot of older women have a hard time, because higher quality older men(fit, good looking, have their crap together, etc) get scooped up easily by women that are either better looking, younger, etc...What's left for them to pick from? Even a lot of the better looking available older men just tear through these older women and use one after another for nothing but sex....Seen it numerous times...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

As sad as it is for folks not able to find love kinda good to know I will still have a pool of casuals to pick from as I get older. 

If love reached everyone then I'm screwed 🤣


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> As sad as it is for folks not able to find love kinda good to know I will still have a pool of casuals to pick from as I get older.
> 
> If love reached everyone then I'm screwed 🤣


It's all fun and games till someone catches a case of the feels


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Reading this forum, Surviving Infidelity, DWIL Nation, etc. and the like does not lead to the conclusion that being partnered up is definitively the best and happiest way to live, because many relationship are _extremely_ unhappy and downright unhealthy. There are probably millions of people in the world partnered up and absolutely miserable because of it.
> 
> I view people who stay in these horrible, truly toxic relationship as more damaged than sometime who just isn't interested in partnering up.


Of course you aren't going to find a bunch of happy stories on a website where people come to talk about marriage problems. This site is not exactly a representation of society of a whole. I have some happily married friends and none of them are posting here, or anywhere for that matter, most likely. 

If you want forums to guide your decision, maybe check out what some of the single people talk about online. Christmas and New Years just went by and I am sure you can find plenty of sad stories from people that spent those holidays totally alone. Your FWB might fill a void but I wouldn't trade spending the holidays with my wife for any amount of FWBs.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> The eight, nines, and tens


I am curious about these numbers. Assume this references physical characteristics. I have known plenty of really beautiful people who were a disaster on the inside. Anyone who mistakenly married them would be very sorry.

IMO anyone focused on physical would be best to not marry. Because the hottest 20 year old of either gender will someday be wrinkled, sagged, and grey. The old man wont be able to get it up and the old woman wont care.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> I am curious about these numbers. Assume this references physical characteristics. I have known plenty of really beautiful people who were a disaster on the inside. Anyone who mistakenly married them would be very sorry.
> 
> IMO anyone focused on physical would be best to not marry. Because the hottest 20 year old of either gender will someday be wrinkled, sagged, and grey. The old man wont be able to get it up and the old woman wont care.


That's why you get them when they are in that spot spot. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Enigma32 said:


> If you want forums to guide your decision, maybe check out what some of the single people talk about online. Christmas and New Years just went by *and I am sure you can find plenty of sad stories from people that spent those holidays totally alone. *Your FWB might fill a void but I wouldn't trade spending the holidays with my wife for any amount of FWBs.


Ah see, there’s that assumption that we must be sad and miserable. For me, I would have loved to of had a partner on the couch next to me last night, that just isn’t the case currently though but that doesn’t mean I’m wallowing in self-pity. It’s not where my focus is.

I made myself a pitcher of strawberry margaritas and watched a Gerard Butler movie. 😜 Then I thought about my plans for today and got myself all worked up over the idea of hitting this little mexican restaurant in town. I haven’t been there in a months, but they have the best queso and guacamole, hands down! Yes, those little things bring on the giddy. Then I took a hot bath and did my toenails. At no point was I sad that I was alone. It never crossed my mind to feel sad or anything negative because I was so focused on what I myself am doing.

It is possible to be happy alone and want a relationship at the same time. Not having one doesn’t mean the other is crappy. I do believe there are a lot of people out there that are alone and sad about it and others who are alone and stay that way as an excuse to avoid whatever it is they’re running from, but not all of us.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Not said:


> Ah see, there’s that assumption that we must be sad and miserable. For me, I would have loved to of had a partner on the couch next to me last night, that just isn’t the case currently though but that doesn’t mean I’m wallowing in self-pity. It’s not where my focus is.
> 
> I made myself a pitcher of strawberry margaritas and watched a Gerard Butler movie. 😜 Then I thought about my plans for today and got myself all worked up over the idea of hitting this little mexican restaurant in town. I haven’t been there in a months, but they have the best queso and guacamole, hands down! Yes, those little things bring on the giddy. Then I took a hot bath and did my toenails. At no point was I sad that I was alone. It never crossed my mind to feel sad or anything negative because I was so focused on what I myself am doing.
> 
> It is possible to be happy alone and want a relationship at the same time. Not having one doesn’t mean the other is crappy. I do believe there are a lot of people out there that are alone and sad about it and others who are alone and stay that way as an excuse to avoid whatever it is they’re running from, but not all of us.


I am happy and I in no way want a relationship. I have dogs, friends and family for companionship. Kids to spend the holidays with and if I ever get the "itch" I have people I can call. Life is good!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Enigma32 said:


> Of course you aren't going to find a bunch of happy stories on a website where people come to talk about marriage problems. This site is not exactly a representation of society of a whole. I have some happily married friends and none of them are posting here, or anywhere for that matter, most likely.
> 
> If you want forums to guide your decision, maybe check out what some of the single people talk about online. Christmas and New Years just went by and I am sure you can find plenty of sad stories from people that spent those holidays totally alone. Your FWB might fill a void but I wouldn't trade spending the holidays with my wife for any amount of FWBs.


Hopefully you are talking about a general "you" and not to me personally. 

I'm not trying to make any decision, and I've never had a fwb.

Too bad the people who spent the holidays "totally alone" didn't have friends, extended family, or children to spend it with. Public service announcement: you do know that there exists in the world billions of people to spend time with and not just a "partner", right? 

This thread is about a person WILLINGLY NOT WANTING TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. 

It's eye opening how that seems to threaten some posters, like a person couldn't possibly be happy not in a relationship 🤣 🤣🤣🤣

Kind of like how people who are child free by choice get looked down upon and utterly bashed by people with children. It's disgusting.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Livvie said:


> Hopefully you are talking about a general "you" and not to me personally.
> 
> I'm not trying to make any decision, and I've never had a fwb.
> 
> ...


The Christmas after I left my ex I was alone and it was glorious!

I recall ice cream being involved.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


A women. Better question, why would I describe her.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

I feel said for this woman. Yes, she has money, she can even get sex. What she cannot get is true intimacy and love and these are most amazing things in life.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I feel said for this woman. Yes, she has money, she can even get sex. What she cannot get is true intimacy and love and these are most amazing things in life.


Um It's a hypothetical. 

Go back and read the opening post.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Hopefully you are talking about a general "you" and not to me personally.
> 
> *I'm not trying to make any decision*, and I've never had a fwb.
> 
> ...


Not making a decision is still making a decision. 

Yes, I know people can spend the holidays with someone other than a partner. I've spent plenty of holidays alone, with friends, and with family that invited me because they felt sorry for me not having a partner on those holidays. I have a close friend that did a Friendsmas with their friends and exchanged gifts. Looked like fun, but she still told me in confidence that she misses having a partner. 

I don't know who you think is threatened but I assure you I am not. It's your choice and you can do what you want with your life. Maybe you are happy, as I am sure others are happy alone too. I still think you're missing out. I do think that between the two of us, if I were to judge based on your language here, you seem to be the one upset here.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I think a lot of guys can't relate, because many women aren't governed by their libido like many men are. 

If you, as a guy, had no sexual interest in women just how motivated would you be to pair up with one? 

Also bear in mind women tend to do better with networks of other women.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Same answer I gave for your question about men doing this. They're doing what the hell they want. To each their own.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> I think a lot of guys can't relate, because many women aren't governed by their libido like many men are.
> 
> If you, as a guy, had no sexual interest in women just how motivated would you be to pair up with one?
> 
> Also bear in mind women tend to do better with networks of other women.


I think most guys capable of finding a partner are likely very capable of finding a few ladies willing to take care of those libido urges when they arise. I won't speak for all the guys, but the last thing I was thinking about when I got into a relationship/married was finding steady sex. That's easy to come by, just somewhat unfulfilling, IMO.

I do think ladies have a far better social circle and support group than men do, which helps. I also think most men content with their hobbies and interests and don't need the social circle as much.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Enigma32 said:


> I think most guys capable of finding a partner are likely very capable of finding a few ladies willing to take care of those libido urges when they arise. I won't speak for all the guys, but the last thing I was thinking about when I got into a relationship/married was finding steady sex. That's easy to come by, just somewhat unfulfilling, IMO.
> 
> I do think ladies have a far better social circle and support group than men do, which helps. I also think most men content with their hobbies and interests and don't need the social circle as much.


You missed the point, bud...

Whether its casual or serious, the aspect that draws men to continue to pursue women is primarily intimacy/sex...I know its all great when you have a woman that is everything else, but at the end of the day, if your wife or gf told you that she loves you and thinks you are awesome, but if you get nothing more than a cuddle and a peck when you leave in the morning, and nothing else, if you are honest, you wouldn't want that...

A lot of women(particularly after they have had the kids and reach later aspects in life), no longer feel any of those strong urges...From what I have heard, and what it appears, many feel like they don't have that desire any more and know going in that to keep a guy interested they will have to put out....They will have to get naked when they may not feel so good about their body anymore...The list goes on...

Not every woman wants to starve themselves and train like a beast to feel good about getting naked with some dude...even if those guys aren't particularly picky, it doesn't matter...

Add that aspect to the fact that a lot of women develop female close friends and confidants, it just makes for a less stressful life....I think that is why you see a lot of women not bothering...AND being satisfied with all of it...


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> You missed the point, bud...
> 
> *Whether its casual or serious, the aspect that draws men to continue to pursue women is primarily intimacy/sex...I know its all great when you have a woman that is everything else, but at the end of the day, if your wife or gf told you that she loves you and thinks you are awesome, but if you get nothing more than a cuddle and a peck when you leave in the morning, and nothing else, if you are honest, you wouldn't want that...*
> 
> ...


No, I get it, I just don't agree. But hey, everyone has a different perspective. I know a lot of people that pretend to be happy single but most are trying really, really hard to convince everyone how happy they are and get angry when challenged on it. My personal belief is that men and women compliment one another well and we are meant to be partnered up. I think people can lead happy enough lives by denying that but I also think they're missing out. It's their choice though. One of my best friends has chosen to stay single since we were in our 20s and I don't give him crap about it. He's content.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Livvie said:


> Sure did. Your post - post #24 in this thread, that I already quoted for you. The last sentence you wrote.


No, I did NOT say that single people are pitiful. You misread what I wrote. I said they get pitiful looks from married people. I used to get those pitiful looks when I was single and childless at 37.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This thread reminds me of a song...


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

Enigma32 said:


> If you want forums to guide your decision, maybe check out what some of the single people talk about online. Christmas and New Years just went by and I am sure you can find plenty of sad stories from people that spent those holidays totally alone. Your FWB might fill a void but I wouldn't trade spending the holidays with my wife for any amount of FWBs.


My SO has been at work (out of town for extended periods) for every single Christmas that we've been together. He should have rotated into being at home for Christmas by now but he got a promotion and his shift got flipped so he's still gone. So even having a partner isn't a guarantee of holiday companionship.

I didn't spend Christmas alone, I had my dad over for dinner. Once he passes I do think I will choose to spend it alone although I'll probably have a few invitations from friends to hang out with them. I definitely prefer to spend New Year's at home alone as a) I don't drink b) I don't feel like staying up until midnight, so it was a pretty ordinary night around here.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Hopefully you are talking about a general "you" and not to me personally.
> 
> I'm not trying to make any decision, and I've never had a fwb.
> 
> ...


I don't think it threatens me, but I don't really understand why someone would not want to be in a relationship period. If you haven't met anyone you deem worthy of a relationship, sure I totally understand that, but if you came across someone tomorrow that you had a strong connection with, that was good in bed, that talked to you just how you liked, and you basically want to say "F you, you ain't tying me down!", that I don't understand.

It feels like that person is in a hole that I once was in but aren't anymore. Which doesn't make me pity them but does make me think how can I help get them out of there.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


> I don't think it threatens me, but I don't really understand why someone would not want to be in a relationship period. If you haven't met anyone you deem worthy of a relationship, sure I totally understand that, but if you came across someone tomorrow that you had a strong connection with, that was good in bed, that talked to you just how you liked, and you basically want to say "F you, you ain't tying me down!", that I don't understand.


Well, they could be more like "I do not want to open up or give myself to anyone right now." That's more understandable no?


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

gaius said:


> I don't think it threatens me, but I don't really understand why someone would not want to be in a relationship period. If you haven't met anyone you deem worthy of a relationship, sure I totally understand that, but if you came across someone tomorrow that you had a strong connection with, that was good in bed, that talked to you just how you liked, and you basically want to say "F you, you ain't tying me down!", that I don't understand.
> 
> It feels like that person is in a hole that I once was in but aren't anymore. Which doesn't make me pity them but does make me think how can I help get them out of there.


Bad experiences. They have purpose in life that requires them to forego one, because a SO would just slow them down. Maybe they are avid hobbyists.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Not said:


> I currently live like the woman described in the OP. I love being partnered up. Not that I’m looking for marriage or anything but having a partner in crime is preferred. BUT I’m good on my own too.
> 
> I cannot even begin to describe the feeling of being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want and not have to worry about any of it fitting with what another person wants or needs. So there’s this incredible freedom to it all too. I don’t think many who have been partnered up their entire adult lives can relate to this. Especially those who are happily partnered up. My life would probably look rather empty and sad to them but it’s not at all.
> 
> ...


Look forward to all this myself! After I dedicated most of my life to my family and pets (yes, pets too, lol), being always there, working non stop, and basically always trying to please everybody, time has come to be single and on my own, in a place I can furnish and decorate as I like, do what I like, when I like it, and not having to justify myself all the time. Bliss.


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## DaringGreatly (7 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> Look forward to all this myself! After I dedicated most of my life to my family and pets (yes, pets too, lol), being always there, working non stop, and basically always trying to please everybody, time has come to be single and on my own, in a place I can furnish and decorate as I like, do what I like, when I like it, and not having to justify myself all the time. Bliss.


Me too. Sounds heavenly. 

I work in care in the community. Some of the truly happiest people I meet are women who live on their own and have time and money to spend on themselves after a life time of putting other people's needs first.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I think of the people who inspire me and sometimes they are married and sometimes they aren't. 

Would love to have wound up happily married but it didn't work out that way. I think it's better to acknowledge when you have a pattern of relationships that aren't good for you and if work to remedy that, sometimes it means taking a step back from the idea of ending up in a long term relationship. If you have kids there is an added complication. What if your partner doesn't love or prioritize your kid? For a lot of people, "needing" a long-term relationship is part of the problem and on TAM we have seen a lot of people grapple with those dynamics. If you aren't a fulfilled person who is happy in their life without a romantic partner, you won't be with one. Does that mean you couldn't be in a relationship? Not really. I don't think not "needing" someone else to make you whole is a sign of disfunction it's a sign of being a relatively healthy person. If someone is a serial player type though I do sometimes wonder how they will feel later in life but that's their choice.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Not said:


> Ah see, there’s that assumption that we must be sad and miserable. For me, I would have loved to of had a partner on the couch next to me last night, that just isn’t the case currently though but that doesn’t mean I’m wallowing in self-pity. It’s not where my focus is.
> 
> I made myself a pitcher of strawberry margaritas and watched a Gerard Butler movie. 😜 Then I thought about my plans for today and got myself all worked up over the idea of hitting this little mexican restaurant in town. I haven’t been there in a months, but they have the best queso and guacamole, hands down! Yes, those little things bring on the giddy. Then I took a hot bath and did my toenails. At no point was I sad that I was alone. It never crossed my mind to feel sad or anything negative because I was so focused on what I myself am doing.
> 
> *It is possible to be happy alone and want a relationship at the same time. Not having one doesn’t mean the other is crappy. *I do believe there are a lot of people out there that are alone and sad about it and others who are alone and stay that way as an excuse to avoid whatever it is they’re running from, but not all of us.


Well, this hurts....
This hurts because its true.
For you, for too many gals.

For some men, that Laissez faire thinking is not even in the realm of possibilities. 
Certainly, not the case with _Martians._


Testosterone will not permit it.
Never for long, even when the flag pole is at half staff.

For many males, that mating call for men is onerous, pressing and nagging.

Yes, with age, the urge lessens.
Lessens, yes; learns it lesson, nope.

This, I hope!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

joannacroc said:


> For a lot of people, "needing" a long-term relationship is part of the problem and on TAM we have seen a lot of people grapple with those dynamics. If you aren't a fulfilled person who is happy in their life without a romantic partner, you won't be with one. Does that mean you couldn't be in a relationship? Not really. I don't think not "needing" someone else to make you whole is a sign of disfunction it's a sign of being a relatively healthy person.


Tut!

Pure semantics and rationalization, this is.

Another gal that has opted out and quit.

You have jumped off the carousal, never fully clasping the gold ring, seen off to the side.

I have grabbed the gold ring, it rang tinny, so hollow..

As an afterthought, maybe, lucky you, not so I.
Oh, to be indifferent!

I have it, not in me, to quit on that paired-life.

The _Made in Heaven_, perfect match, may not exist, but one close, is a possibility.

Otherwise, I will wither, waste away, disappear.
Sooner, than my allotted time.



_The Typist-_


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Well, they could be more like "I do not want to open up or give myself to anyone right now." That's more understandable no?


Well I understand getting in that mindset after one or more bad experiences, but wouldn't you consider that dysfunctional? When you're so closed off from other people like that? A hole you want to try and get out of.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

gaius said:


> Well I understand getting in that mindset after one or more bad experiences, but wouldn't you consider that dysfunctional? When you're so closed off from other people like that? A hole you want to try and get out of.


Who's definition of what consists of a state of being so closed off is to be used, yours? 

There's no way to make that leap to that person being dysfunctional.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


> Well I understand getting in that mindset after one or more bad experiences, but wouldn't you consider that dysfunctional? When you're so closed off from other people like that? A hole you want to try and get out of.


Errr not really, I would say it's rather healthy they are self aware enough to know whether they are ready for a relationship or not.

And hell while they are in that state of mind greenlight for me 😆


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Who's definition of what consists of a state of being so closed off is to be used, yours?
> 
> There's no way to make that leap to that person being dysfunctional.


Well, if you had a kid who came to you using Randoms example and said "I just can't see myself being in a relationship with someone because I can't open up" you'd give them a high five, say you're proud and send them on their way?

I wouldn't, I don't think most people would, and most of the arguing seems to be based on trying not to offend anyone.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


> Well, if you had a kid who came to you using Randoms example and said "I just can't see myself being in a relationship with someone because I can't open up" you'd give them a high five, say you're proud and send them on their way?
> 
> I wouldn't, I don't think most people would, and most of the arguing seems to be based on trying not to offend anyone.


There's "can't" and there's "I don't want to."

Big difference 😎


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Errr not really, I would say it's rather healthy they are self aware enough to know whether they are ready for a relationship or not.
> 
> And hell while they are in that state of mind greenlight for me 😆


That would be healthy to know yourself that well. But knowing and admitting you're an alcoholic doesn't make the alcoholism itself healthy. And no, being single isn't the same as being an alcoholic. I'm just making a point.

For you Random it's a dilemma for me, because I get the sense based on your behavior here that part of the reason you've been so hurt and are so closed off is because of some of your action/reaction with women. And that's similar to several of the proudly single people. So I'm stuck with the choice of either addressing it and risking offending you and others or just high fiving you and hoping you'll like me for it. And leaving you to exist in that state.

And it doesn't come from a place of disrespect as Livvie feels it does, it's just from someone who's been there. And knows it's not the best place to be in the world when you can't, or don't want to, open up to anyone in an intimate sense.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


> That would be healthy to know yourself that well. But knowing and admitting you're an alcoholic doesn't make the alcoholism itself healthy. And no, being single isn't the same as being an alcoholic. I'm just making a point.
> 
> For you Random it's a dilemma for me, because I get the sense based on your behavior here that part of the reason you've been so hurt and are so closed off is because of some of your action/reaction with women. And that's similar to several of the proudly single people. So I'm stuck with the choice of either addressing it and risking offending you and others or just high fiving you and hoping you'll like me for it. And leaving you to exist in that state.


I loved and lost like many others, there's nothing special about my story more a very high risk relationship with a young woman that everyone hit on constantly and my fault I built my house on a cliff.

I took the risk and cradle robbed because for me to be vulnerable enough to be in love for me is rare. I know what I can and can't give, does the hurt I have contribute to how I am now? Of course, but what can I do about it?

I'm not bitter about it, I'm not sad about it unless I do something stupid like listen to an old love song to spark memories, it stings still sure but that's life I have no regrets and I would go through all that pain again because in the end it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.

But why should I look down on myself or pity myself? Or force myself to date or put myself out there when deep down in my heart I just want to cherish the solitude that I did not have the last damn four years in a relationship where I got in trouble if I took longer than one hour to reply to her texts?

Sometimes people just need a big break, clear their head, cut their losses close up shop and reopen when they are ready.

Also I know you mean well 😊


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

If she's announcing it regularly, I would say, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

I would also kind of assume that she has had poor experiences in relationships and is likely LD. The variety, quality, and quantity of sex in a long term relationship has the potential to be a lot better without the extra effort of meeting new people.

I'm also under the impression that she's likely to end up on a forum sometime wondering where all of the good men are. I mean, if you go to reddit's dating over 40 subreddit, there's at least one of these a day it seems like. Or dating horror stories. Or complaints about online dating.


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## MiaAntonia (12 d ago)

There are women who feel very free without committing themselves to a relationship. The more she gets used to that feeling the harder for her to take a decision to commit.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

As long as everyone is honest about what they want, all parties are adults, then surely it is your choice to see someone who doesn't want a committed relationship or opt out and choose to date someone who wants the same thing as you? I'm not sure I see the issue.


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## Agrogirl (13 d ago)

I would describe her as someone who has been hurt in the past and doesn’t want to deal with the pain. We are wired to have relationships that is why there are men and there are women. We each have unique qualities that we bring to each other.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


Aaah, she is the "Tia do Cigarro" (The Cigarette Aunt). That one who comes visit, spend the visit sitting at the table drinking old school coffee and smoking and talking with rough voice (effect from cigarrettes, i believe). She always existed, but with nowdays form, but the same. Before she wouldnt have been so direct to talk about sex. But its not about the sex , its just that she didnt/doesn't directly need men in general (of course undirectly every women "need" men and vice-versa).

At one side of the "independency spectrum" there is The Cigarrette Aunt and at the other there is the completely emotionally dependent woman. They all exist. Most are in the middle.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

gaius said:


> Well I understand getting in that mindset after one or more bad experiences, but wouldn't you consider that dysfunctional? When you're so closed off from other people like that? A hole you want to try and get out of.


People not partnered up are “closed off” and “dysfunctional”? The only time my life was truly dysfunctional was when I was married. That’s a road that will never be traveled again. 

It’s funny how at lot of males dream of bedding various women without commitment, then they commit, marry, spit out some kids and then start dreaming again of being able to bed women without commitment.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RebuildingMe said:


> People not partnered up are “closed off” and “dysfunctional”? The only time my life was truly dysfunctional was when I was married. That’s a road that will never be traveled again.
> 
> It’s funny how at lot of males dream of bedding various women without commitment, then they commit, marry, spit out some kids and then start dreaming again of being able to bed women without commitment.


Grass is always greener. Perpetual singles wish they could be married and many marrieds dream of the day when they can take off for Europe at a moment for a week.
I knew of a carpenter who wished he could travel the world, but a businessman told him that he wished he didn't have to travel and could be home by 6pm every night.


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## annoyed1 (Aug 11, 2014)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


I would describe this woman as unattractive, obese, and hard to get along with.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

annoyed1 said:


> I would describe this woman as unattractive, obese, and hard to get along with.


She unattractive, obese (??? 🤣) and hard to get along with because she makes her own money, enjoys going out with her friends, and gets sex whenever she wants it?

Ooookay!

That follows zero logic.

Are most women who can suppprt themselves unattractive and _obese_??


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Livvie said:


> She unattractive, obese (??? 🤣) and hard to get along with because she makes her own money, enjoys going out with her friends, and gets sex whenever she wants it?
> 
> Ooookay!
> 
> ...


Not the ones I spend time with!


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


A lousy woke feminist worth nothing to herself or to a self respected man, a old lady to be with 5 cats a an out of wedlock mother with 2 kids from 2 different men.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> I loved and lost like many others, there's nothing special about my story more a very high risk relationship with a young woman that everyone hit on constantly and my fault I built my house on a cliff.
> 
> I took the risk and cradle robbed because for me to be vulnerable enough to be in love for me is rare. I know what I can and can't give, does the hurt I have contribute to how I am now? Of course, but what can I do about it?
> 
> ...


You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But not wanting to be mentally intimate with someone is a little dysfunctional. To be closed off like that. Nobody is saying you have to change that today, or tomorrow, or next week, or that you have no excuse to be in that state of mind. Breakups can do that to you. They've done that to me. But that's how people should come at it. That it's something eventually at some point you want to change. Not something high five worthy.

And Livvie, who's mad at any perceived high handedness toward single people, never makes any threads about herself or her situation. But if she did I wouldn't high five her either. She comes on here and tells men who make no effort to impress or be sexy for their wives what a-holes their wives are for not sleeping with them. At least on here she makes no effort to make men earn her respect or affection, and if that's what she's doing in real life that will sink you like the titanic as a woman in the dating world. Men don't respect or truly appreciate it.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

gaius said:


> You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But not wanting to be mentally intimate with someone is a little dysfunctional. To be closed off like that. Nobody is saying you have to change that today, or tomorrow, or next week, or that you have no excuse to be in that state of mind. Breakups can do that to you. They've done that to me. But that's how people should come at it. That it's something eventually at some point you want to change. Not something high five worthy.
> 
> And Livvie, who's mad at any perceived high handedness toward single people, never makes any threads about herself or her situation. But if she did I wouldn't high five her either. She comes on here and tells men who make no effort to impress or be sexy for their wives what a-holes their wives are for not sleeping with them. At least on here she makes no effort to make men earn her respect or affection, and if that's what she's doing in real life that will sink you like the titanic as a woman in the dating world. Men don't respect or truly appreciate it.


Both spouses should consider it an act of love by being their most presentable to each other. It doesn't mean that you have to be dressed to business standards, but there should be no room for jeans and a t-shirt, unless you are cleaning out the garage.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


> You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But not wanting to be mentally intimate with someone is a little dysfunctional. To be closed off like that. Nobody is saying you have to change that today, or tomorrow, or next week, or that you have no excuse to be in that state of mind. Breakups can do that to you. They've done that to me. But that's how people should come at it. That it's something eventually at some point you want to change. Not something high five worthy.
> 
> And Livvie, who's mad at any perceived high handedness toward single people, never makes any threads about herself or her situation. But if she did I wouldn't high five her either. She comes on here and tells men who make no effort to impress or be sexy for their wives what a-holes their wives are for not sleeping with them. At least on here she makes no effort to make men earn her respect or affection, and if that's what she's doing in real life that will sink you like the titanic as a woman in the dating world. Men don't respect or truly appreciate it.


I'm closed off to almost everyone anyway, it's just how I am. I've always been this way even in a relationship.

Haven't had a real crush since the one at work but there was no mental intimacy with her but maybe I didn't really give that opportunity a chance but it was work and you know how it goes. All the women after her were a waste of time except one that put out so meh. I'm just adapting to my new environment and circumstances.

And I don't know where you get that about @Livvie, she's only been compassionate and understanding in my case at least 🤷‍♂️
Where does she even say that anyway? Either way don't really know what you guys are arguing about lol


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> I'm closed off to almost everyone anyway, it's just how I am. I've always been this way even in a relationship.
> 
> Haven't had a real crush since the one at work but there was no mental intimacy with her but maybe I didn't really give that opportunity a chance but it was work and you know how it goes. All the women after her were a waste of time except one that put out so meh. I'm just adapting to my new environment and circumstances.
> 
> ...


You were born to be a priest. Imagine, no women.
Just boys.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> You were born to be a priest. Imagine, no women.
> Just boys.


Fk that, I think I was born to be a cleaner, but that's not a legal profession so I make do with others.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


I would describe this woman as someone that will "hit the wall" when she is around 40 years old with no children or family and a ton of cats. She will look back and have tons of regrets for her "you go guurrrl!" attitude.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

gaius said:


> You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But not wanting to be mentally intimate with someone is a little dysfunctional. To be closed off like that. Nobody is saying you have to change that today, or tomorrow, or next week, or that you have no excuse to be in that state of mind. Breakups can do that to you. They've done that to me. But that's how people should come at it. That it's something eventually at some point you want to change. Not something high five worthy.
> 
> And Livvie, who's mad at any perceived high handedness toward single people, never makes any threads about herself or her situation. But if she did I wouldn't high five her either. She comes on here and tells men who make no effort to impress or be sexy for their wives what a-holes their wives are for not sleeping with them. At least on here she makes no effort to make men earn her respect or affection, and if that's what she's doing in real life that will sink you like the titanic as a woman in the dating world. Men don't respect or truly appreciate it.


This is a nasty post. 

What's dysfunctional is all of the people who stay in horrendously toxic relationships because they can't stand to "be alone" 🤣

Umm that's a truly whacked view that you think I should be on a MARRIAGE FORUM to make efforts to "make men earn my respect or affection".... what does that even mean? Sounds a little ****ed up. 

I'm on this forum to read threads and respond with my comments or advice as I see fit. Any other reason seems pretty mentally and socially unhealthy.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

gameopoly5 said:


> A modern woman on borrowed time.
> Fine when they are young then once they reach into their mid to late 30s and men no longer find them sexually desirable, it becomes a case of they become lonely old women, buy a dog and die alone.


Mid to late thirties and NOT desirable?? Now I’ll give you some of us begin to go down hill and I have former classmates who look like they’ve been road hard and put up wet for sure. I’m 35 and I know for fact that I’m JUST now coming into probably the best I’ve EVER looked. Seriously. 

You can’t lump all mid 30’s and up into one group. Dang lol. I could stand to lose 15 pounds now, but there are plenty who find a lady Godiva body type super desirable.. so either way, I’m set if I want to be 😆 I just am not out there flaunting it for any man to take. 

I’m not scared as well to end up the “lonely old woman” one day either. Sooooo.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Mid to late thirties and NOT desirable?? Now I’ll give you some of us begin to go down hill and I have former classmates who look like they’ve been road hard and put up wet for sure. I’m 35 and I know for fact that I’m JUST now coming into probably the best I’ve EVER looked. Seriously.
> 
> You can’t lump all mid 30’s and up into one group. Dang lol. I could stand to lose 15 pounds now, but there are plenty who find a lady Godiva body type super desirable.. so either way, I’m set if I want to be 😆 I just am not out there flaunting it for any man to take.
> 
> I’m not scared as well to end up the “lonely old woman” one day either. Sooooo.


Well for me 30+ is just the baggage, kids, past exs, time alone etc. I did get a vibe that they were "leftovers", no offense its just how I felt. I am abit of a hypocrite with kids but I'm not going to waste our time, I can only love my child and future children, I am not going to be able to love hers but I would expect her to be able to love mine. Messed up yes... >.<

Also they all had like... "the one that got away"  

The most beautiful and successful one didn't even have one serious relationship in her life - somehow. It was just too much for me in the end. Meh


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Livvie said:


> This is a nasty post.
> 
> What's dysfunctional is all of the people who stay in horrendously toxic relationships because they can't stand to "be alone" 🤣
> 
> ...


You should point out that you routinely call women assholes too 🤣 

I don't always agree with you but I respect your even handedness.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Well for me 30+ is just the baggage, kids, past exs, time alone etc. I did get a vibe that they were "leftovers", no offense its just how I felt. I am abit of a hypocrite with kids but I'm not going to waste our time, I can only love my child and future children, I am not going to be able to love hers but I would expect her to be able to love mine. Messed up yes... >.<
> 
> Also they all had like... "the one that got away"
> 
> The most beautiful and successful one didn't even have one serious relationship in her life - somehow. It was just too much for me in the end. Meh


I can get the baggage part being a boner killer 😆

I get it and it is hard to love another’s child sometimes, been there. Did it anyway but it’s not easy and certainly not easy on a relationship. 

So even though I’m gorgeous, I have a kid and destined to be alone. Lol

Good thing I’m comfortable and hunkering down for it


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Well for me 30+ is just the baggage, kids, past exs, time alone etc. I did get a vibe that they were "leftovers", no offense its just how I felt. I am abit of a hypocrite with kids but I'm not going to waste our time, I can only love my child and future children, I am not going to be able to love hers but I would expect her to be able to love mine. Messed up yes... >.<
> 
> Also they all had like... "the one that got away"
> 
> The most beautiful and successful one didn't even have one serious relationship in her life - somehow. It was just too much for me in the end. Meh


And there's part of the reason you're having a hard time with actual relationships.

No woman is going to kiss your daughter's ass while you can't stand her kids. Your pool of eligible women is tremendously limited by this.

I had this with my ex hb.....he wasn't particularly nice to my kids but I was supposed to kiss his daughter's ass. It was one of the reason I left him.

You might have more luck as you get older and everyone's kids are grown.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I can get the baggage part being a boner killer 😆
> 
> I get it and it is hard to love another’s child sometimes, been there. Did it anyway but it’s not easy and certainly not easy on a relationship.
> 
> ...


Don't worry about it. Mt bf never married or had kids and he's just fine with mine.

Granted mine are older so its less of an issue, but you only have 1. Plenty of men will be fine with that, especially since you aren't looking for financial support.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I can get the baggage part being a boner killer 😆
> 
> I get it and it is hard to love another’s child sometimes, been there. Did it anyway but it’s not easy and certainly not easy on a relationship.
> 
> ...


Lol I doubt you are destined to be alone, there are plenty of men happy to date single mums, sadly I'm just not one of them so I'm likely going to be the one on an island somewhere lol

Frankly, I have headaches with other people's kids, my daughter is an extrovert so you can imagine my headaches having to deal with them. Now to have another one (or many!!!) in my life not just for visits who aint mine? Argh...

You have tons more going for you than me lol


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> And there's part of the reason you're having a hard time with actual relationships.
> 
> No woman is going to kiss your daughter's ass while you can't stand her kids. Your pool of eligible women is tremendously limited by this.


Well of course, so I just don't date single mums and that solves the problem  

I don't want a kiss ass either, ex and daughter clicked like peas and carrots but she was a natural with kids not to mention a student teacher with a passion for kids. She DEFINITELY wasn't a kiss ass and would stand her ground.



> I had this with my ex hb.....he wasn't particularly nice to my kids but I was supposed to kiss his daughter's ass. It was one of the reason I left him.
> You might have more luck as you get older and everyone's kids are grown.


Maybe, have to see!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> I would describe this woman as someone that will "hit the wall" when she is around 40 years old with no children or family and a ton of cats. She will look back and have tons of regrets for her "you go guurrrl!" attitude.


That's your fantasy but it isn't reality. That's what you wish on them.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> That's your fantasy but it isn't reality. That's what you wish on them.


It does make me wonder though, remember the very successful / busy one I dated that never had a serious relationship in her life?

She was definitely 100% need no man, she never had one. Flirts/admirers/dates/etc sure, but never serious. Frankly, it was just too much, too alien for me for date.


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## GAgirl912 (Dec 22, 2017)

gaius said:


> but I don't really understand why someone would not want to be in a relationship period.


Relationships take a lot of work, what if someone needs or wants to work on themselves first? That can take a lot of time in some instances 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

GAgirl912 said:


> Relationships take a lot of work, what if someone needs or wants to work on themselves first? That can take a lot of time in some instances
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I don’t think anyone is questioning being semi healthy functioning adult in your own before you try to get into a relationship. I think they’re speaking to perpetual bachelors and bachelorettes.


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## GAgirl912 (Dec 22, 2017)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I don’t think anyone is questioning being semi healthy functioning adult in your own before you try to get into a relationship. I think they’re speaking to perpetual bachelors and bachelorettes.


But what is considered ‘perpetual’? I know my mom was single for 18 years between the death of her husband and partnering up again, I’m going on 4 years myself.. from a ****ty marriage.. I have zero desire to partner up. I don’t even want sex. The only thing I miss about a partnership is the dual income and the honey do’s I hate to do, or physically can’t do. Funny thing is that before my marriage, I did feel like I needed a man.. now I absolutely love being by myself… it’s pretty refreshing to be honest. Maybe I’m just one of the damaged ones 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

GAgirl912 said:


> But what is considered ‘perpetual’? I know my mom was single for 18 years between the death of her husband and partnering up again, I’m going on 4 years myself.. from a ****ty marriage.. I have zero desire to partner up. I don’t even want sex. The only thing I miss about a partnership is the dual income and the honey do’s I hate to do, or physically can’t do. Funny thing is that before my marriage, I did feel like I needed a man.. now I absolutely love being by myself… it’s pretty refreshing to be honest. Maybe I’m just one of the damaged ones
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Well when I say perpetual I’m taking about serial daters who fear letting someone get close or maybe it’s just serials hooker-uppers 😆 idk.

I’m a widow as of last March, also coming out of hard marriage at that when I became widowed. Trust me I’m not dissing singles.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> It does make me wonder though, remember the very successful / busy one I dated that never had a serious relationship in her life?
> 
> She was definitely 100% need no man, she never had one. Flirts/admirers/dates/etc sure, but never serious. Frankly, it was just too much, too alien for me for date.


I can't remember how old she was. It could be she was more open when she was young or that she'll be more open when she's older. Just because a woman is independent doesn't mean they are closed off emotionally. And you should understand the introvert component as well. The introvert in me just doesn't want someone around all the time. And I'm only moderate on the introvert scale and very social under certain circumstances. I don't like dealing with people all the time. Never have.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can't remember how old she was. It could be she was more open when she was young or that she'll be more open when she's older. Just because a woman is independent doesn't mean they are closed off emotionally. And you should understand the introvert component as well. The introvert in me just doesn't want someone around all the time. And I'm only moderate on the introvert scale and very social under certain circumstances. I don't like dealing with people all the time. Never have.


She was my age, 1 yr older, same MBTI, both extreme introverts but she's socially adept as am I. 

She's open to it alright, but she doesn't let go of her standards, nor should she right? But with not even 1 LTR under her belt... I don't know. 

My issue with her was opposite love languages as well as her just being overall too alien for me. Physical touch is paramount.

Also apparently I reminded of someone she knew and she couldn't stop associating so whatever, good call.

Either way maybe she's just the smarter one out of all of us for avoiding relationships 😅


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> She was my age, 1 yr older, same MBTI, both extreme introverts but she's socially adept as am I.
> 
> She's open to it alright, but she doesn't let go of her standards, nor should she right? But with not even 1 LTR under her belt... I don't know.
> 
> ...


There are some people who like to have someone around all the time and so they are just far less picky.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are some people who like to have someone around all the time and so they are just far less picky.


This makes me head fortunate son play lol. It ain’t meeeeeee, it ain’t meeeeeeee


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> There are some people who like to have someone around all the time and so they are just far less picky.


Sure but they aren't related to this thread.

I think some people are just meant to be alone and thrive in it. I suspect I'm one of them, the only issue is biological desire that contradicts what our mind/heart wants.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

... wrong thread


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Livvie said:


> This is a nasty post.
> 
> What's dysfunctional is all of the people who stay in horrendously toxic relationships because they can't stand to "be alone" 🤣
> 
> ...


Well, generally when we come on here we give advice along the lines of what we personally might do or want if we were in that situation. So if men are coming on here who have clearly made no effort to be attractive for their wives, who aren't getting sex, and you're telling them how wrong, bad and abusive their wives are for not sleeping with them, that's your standard correct? 

If you're with a guy you would dive into bed with him no matter how gross he was being or behaving, how little effort he was putting in, or whether you felt like it or not? Or are you talking to these men in a way that doesn't represent how you as a woman would handle a situation like that for some reason?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

gaius said:


> Well, generally when we come on here we give advice along the lines of what we personally might do or want if we were in that situation. So if men are coming on here who have clearly made no effort to be attractive for their wives, who aren't getting sex, and you're telling them how wrong, bad and abusive their wives are for not sleeping with them, that's your standard correct?
> 
> If you're with a guy you would dive into bed with him no matter how gross he was being or behaving, how little effort he was putting in, or whether you felt like it or not? Or are you talking to these men in a way that doesn't represent how you as a woman would handle a situation like that for some reason?


This post to me has nothing to do with the thread and is a threadjack. I'm going to reply though because you seem to be _stalking my replies in this thread with continued comments that have nothing to do with what I'm posting in this thread_ and that are made up, as well. Stop it. 

I would not post advice that I think a wife is wrong or abusive for not having sex with a husband who hasn't making any effort to be attractive to his wife, and/or is behaving poorly. 

You probably either assume said men are not making any effort, OR perhaps you are one of those people who believe that a man needs to continually turn himself into a pretzel and perform ongoing circus acts jumping through hoops just for his wife to want to be intimate with him. 🤣


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Livvie said:


> This post to me has nothing to do with the thread and is a threadjack. I'm going to reply though because you seem to be _stalking my replies in this thread with continued comments that have nothing to do with what I'm posting in this thread_ and that are made up, as well. Stop it.
> 
> I would not post advice that I think a wife is wrong or abusive for not having sex with a husband who hasn't making any effort to be attractive to his wife, and/or is behaving poorly.
> 
> You probably either assume said men are not making any effort, OR perhaps you are one of those people who believe that a man needs to continually turn himself into a pretzel and perform ongoing circus acts jumping through hoops just for his wife to want to be intimate with him. 🤣


I would actually consider it an extension of the whole "considering single people pitiful" comment you made a few pages back. Which I would say falls in line with the thread of what you think of single people who don't seem to need anyone. It's a conversation about single people and the dating dynamics they display. 

If you think I'm being mean to you or something, as a single person yourself (I think?) I'm just trying to have an honest exchange. And since you don't seem to be interested in talking about your own dating standards and dynamics, just about what advice you give, which is fine, I'll just repeat what I said earlier and leave it at that. I would consider someone who claims to not to need anyone or is perpetually single to probably be in a dysfunctional place.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> I'm closed off to almost everyone anyway, it's just how I am. I've always been this way even in a relationship.
> 
> Haven't had a real crush since the one at work but there was no mental intimacy with her but maybe I didn't really give that opportunity a chance but it was work and you know how it goes. All the women after her were a waste of time except one that put out so meh. I'm just adapting to my new environment and circumstances.
> 
> ...


It's nice to occasionally try and interact with some people you don't usually and see if you can get some kind of interesting conversation going, if there seems like the potential for it. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. But if someone ends up thinking your stalking them because you read and remembered what they said in a thread and comment about it, that might be an example of why a woman thinks she doesn't need a man. You should generally want people to read what you say and not forget about it before they have time to finish the thread and scroll down to the reply box.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

gaius said:


> I would actually consider it an extension of the whole "considering single people pitiful" comment you made a few pages back. Which I would say falls in line with the thread of what you think of single people who don't seem to need anyone. It's a conversation about single people and the dating dynamics they display.
> 
> If you think I'm being mean to you or something, as a single person yourself (I think?) I'm just trying to have an honest exchange. And since you don't seem to be interested in talking about your own dating standards and dynamics, just about what advice you give, which is fine, I'll just repeat what I said earlier and leave it at that. I would consider someone who claims to not to need anyone or is perpetually single to probably be in a dysfunctional place.


Great, you can think what you want and I can think what I want. 

This thread is about a fictional woman who is very happy with her job, her friends, and dalliances with men for sex when she wants, and isn't currently interested in having a relationship. 

Many people commented that someone who is very happy being single and isn't interested in a relationship has something wrong with them. 

I think that's whacked to assume an individual can't be happy while single and that they must be dysfunctional. 

Further, _I think_ people who stay in toxic relationships or settle for relationships with just about anyone because they can't handle "being alone" are far far far more dysfunctional than someone who is currently happy single and isn't interested in pursuing a relationship.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I'm happy being single...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


> I would consider someone who claims to not to need anyone or is perpetually single to probably be in a dysfunctional place.


Well, I never needed anyone since I was 14 years old. I would be way happier alone then being in a sh-t relationship or marriage, full stop. Is this dysfunctional?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Well, I never needed anyone since I was 14 years old. I would be way happier alone then being in a sh-t relationship or marriage, full stop. Is this dysfunctional?


Nope it's not.

But people who can't handle being without a partner like to label happy singles as having some issue.

Makes me wonder what these people are gonna do someday if their relationship abruptly ends or when their spouse dies. Lose their **** I guess, because they can't handle "being alone", and have never been happy whiIe single. Then a mad _desperate_ rush to latch onto someone new.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Livvie said:


> Nope it's not.
> 
> But people who can't handle being without a partner like to label happy singles as having some issue.
> 
> Makes me wonder what these people are gonna do someday if their relationship abruptly ends or when their spouse dies. Lose their **** I guess, because they can't handle "being alone", and have never been happy whiIe single. Then a mad _desperate_ rush to latch onto someone new.


I reckon they just mean well as it's what they know 🤷‍♂️

No biggie.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

As most are aware, people aren't the same...

Some are content to be alone(raises hand) and don't feel any anxiety over it and others are the opposite...Then there are people that are all in between...

Being in a relationship means those who are content to be alone, must now go outside of their comfort zone and give of themselves...Time, attention, resources, whatever.. One can close themselves off to the world, but in order to maintain that relationship, they simply cannot do it.. It doesn't work....
\
When those who are typically content to be alone want to enter a relationship, its usually for reasons other than just to be in the company of other people...It may be to fulfill a sexual need, be part of a typical family unit, to be able to share resources making life easier, whatever.....Those "loner" types can also be attracted and become bonded with that other person, so it then becomes natural for those to want to be around them..These are the things that "keep them in the game" so to speak...

But take away those dynamics and now it almost becomes more natural for those people to want to be alone...If a woman, who may have even been born with the propensity to want to be alone, no longer feels like sex or procreation is on the table, then she is probably going to live her life without a SO...Its just that much easier..Add to that the dynamic that a lot of women fall into, which is the role of caretaker or even chef. housekeeper, etc...That stuff can be exhausting when its not done for the family or her kids....She may be done with all of that and maybe didn't even like doing it when she did it, but the work was worth the effort, for the sake of kids and all that stuff..

So, if you find yourself not the type that needs other people around them to survive, and value your own time and aren't inclined to want to give of it to others, then there better be a solid reason to break out of that shell..Its easy for me to understand why those people do what they do, and its not something to be shamed or ridiculed over...Its just people living life in the way that suits them best...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

hamadryad said:


> As most are aware, people aren't the same...
> 
> Some are content to be alone(raises hand) and don't feel any anxiety over it and others are the opposite...Then there are people that are all in between...
> 
> ...


Yes. 

I just went through this thread and this is the NASTY way people described, _in this thread_, a woman who happily wasn't interested in a relationship:

In denial, doesn’t offer enough to attract the man that want, unlucky, will regret it, lonely old woman, will die alone, scary, damaged, sad, in a hole, closed off, dysfunctional, unattractive, obese, hard to get along with, lousy woke feminist worth nothing to herself or a self respected man. 

Wow.

That's gross, folks. 

All of that negativity because someone is happy being single? How very disappointing.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I know some women who don't need men, but they like men. They don't want to be tied down, don't want to be a caretaker, cook, or maid. They enjoy male friends and the occasional (or regular) lover; they just don't want to live with them, and sometimes they don't want to be exclusive. For example, I have a woman friend who is polyamorous. She has three or four men in her life, and she enjoys different things about each of them. None of them can provide everything she wants (and it's rare even in great marriages to provide everything your partner needs), but she can get all of it (intimacy, friendship, conversation, travel, sex, ...) through multiple relationships and friendships. And get it without having to limit herself or live with any of them. If one isn't available or not interested in some activity, there's another who is. There are no assumptions, no taking for granted, and all are getting something they want.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a woman friend who is perpetually single. You ask her about relationships. She says: "I don't need a man. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of woman?


Happy.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> As most are aware, people aren't the same...
> 
> Some are content to be alone(raises hand) and don't feel any anxiety over it and others are the opposite...Then there are people that are all in between...
> 
> ...


You hit the nail on the head.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You hit the nail on the head.


I'm pretty sure that if you actually had a real, realistic conversation with all the people on this thread who say they're so happy being single forever about their real life situations and relationship history you'd rather quickly find out there's a lot more to it then they want to fess up to in this thread. 

With the exception of you Down. But you seem to have had your share of relationships so I'm not sure you even qualify in that category.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Well, I never needed anyone since I was 14 years old. I would be way happier alone then being in a sh-t relationship or marriage, full stop. Is this dysfunctional?


No, but you've admitted to currently not being able to open yourself up period. So that's kind of moving the goalposts.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

gaius said:


> I'm pretty sure that if you actually had a real, realistic conversation with all the people on this thread who say they're so happy being single forever about their real life situations and relationship history you'd rather quickly find out there's a lot more to it then they want to fess up to in this thread.
> 
> With the exception of you Down. But you seem to have had your share of relationships so I'm not sure you even qualify in that category.


I mean I've known a couple of people besides myself. There's one woman I know who has always been on her own except for you know just about everybody dates when they're young. I think she may have times when she wishes she had had a child. But I've known her for about close to 50 years now and I honestly think she would have had a hard time having someone underfoot. She is one of those people who likes to see you but she is over it by the next day if you are staying at her house. I can't really envision her getting along with a man for say 20 years. She's quick tempered. As far as I know she's never even had a roommate.

I would just say that everyone is different and that some people do not like to live with someone. I think there's all degrees of it. And I'm happy that some of my generation of women were able to not have to be dependent. It really is nice being on your own unless you are just a person who hungers for human companionship. 

My mother was much happier after her divorce and she was married for a long time. I have another friend who used to be married and then he died and had a brain injury so he changed it for the worse and died. She had a child. Now she's my age and she has a boyfriend and has had for about 4 or 5 years now. He keeps wanting to get them both in the same house and she does not want to at all. He's too demanding for attention when he's around. She can't get any of her own routine done. 

There are just so many variables. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with people who just don't want to live with someone. I mean no more than there's something wrong with some of the people who do. Everyone has some issues.


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