# Should I tell my girlfriend my wife is pregnant?



## klop

ok, here is my story, My wife and I have been married for 15 years and I was faithful for the first 13. Then she just became disinterested in sex. We had talked about having a child but even when the "time was right" she wasn't really into it. I am in great shape and I recieved "the look" from women all the time. I decided to take someone up on the offer and since I have been having the best sex of my life with my girlfriend. So All my needs are being met, I have mind blowing sex with my girlfriend and dinner ready for me at home with the wife. Well, in one of our brief encounters, my wife and I concieved a child. It was very unexpected. So now I have a dilemma, my girlfriend wants me more and more and I fear if I tell her my wife is pregnant, she will force herself not to call me any more. Honestly, My girlfriend is what makes my life with my wife bearable. My relationship with my wife is so much more bearable now. Should I tell my girlfriend my wife is pregnant? Can I just provide for my wife and child and keep the worlds separate? I want a family but I don't want to give up the most incredible sexual relationship I have ever known!

-klop


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## Amplexor

Sorry, didn’t understand that last post. Could you be a little more egotistical, self centered and shallow?


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## sarahdale24

Amplexor said:


> Sorry, didn’t understand that last post. Could you be a little more egotistical, self centered and shallow?


Took the words right out of my mouth! Your wife AND girlfriend should dump your booty


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## draconis

klop ~ When playing with fire you will get burned sooner or later. What happens if your wife wants a divorce from you and take half of everything plus child support and child care? 

How will your GF act when she finds out? The best thing to happen is she is only mad at you, what happens IF she confronts your wife?

I think she will be less upset to hear it from you but what was she thinking being with a married man thinking you were not burning the candle at both ends. 

Also at some point they will check your wife for VD before the birth so if messing around has given you a bit extra then she might find out from that.

I don't know that you can keep both things together. Frankly, I think you should read all the posts on this forum to see what emotional, mental and physical harm cheating has done to many wives and husbands.

draconis


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## klop

draconis said:


> klop ~ When playing with fire you will get burned sooner or later. What happens if your wife wants a divorce from you and take half of everything plus child support and child care?
> 
> How will your GF act when she finds out? The best thing to happen is she is only mad at you, what happens IF she confronts your wife?
> 
> I think she will be less upset to hear it from you but what was she thinking being with a married man thinking you were not burning the candle at both ends.
> 
> Also at some point they will check your wife for VD before the birth so if messing around has given you a bit extra then she might find out from that.
> 
> I don't know that you can keep both things together. Frankly, I think you should read all the posts on this forum to see what emotional, mental and physical harm cheating has done to many wives and husbands.
> 
> draconis



Thanks Draconis, You always give great advice. I have only been with my wife and my gf in the last 15 years. I always use a condom with the girlfriend. I think it is the only respectful thing to do for my wife. And even if my wife were to discover my relationship, she would not leave me. I am a good husband, I have just be withheld sex for too long. I know an adulterous relationship is devestating to everyone involved, but how can the other women in this forum expect a man to stay and be faithful if she does not provide sex, for any reason over a long period of time? Sexual relations are a natural function of life. If it is no longer availible, yet the man still wants to provide for his wife, how can she complain about what the husband does to satify this natural function of life?


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## sarahdale24

HELLO...ok, I wont jump on your so I'll use an example. IF my husband was to have a "GF" and I found out, I'd leave him in the dust. I wouldn't say a word, nor would I even look at him. I'd calmly pick up my purse and keys, drive to the courthouse, file for divorce, and never look back. No matter WHAT is wrong in a marriage, cheating is not justifiable! And I'm sorry, cheating to me does not make ANYONE a good spouse! That makes them LOW in my book! I HATE cheaters, and I'll say that and hope to not get into trouble! But I do! Marriage vows are words of a GAME today and alot of people are playing it. In the end they will LOSE, and I'm just glad I won't be apart of that. Have you considered BEFORE you went off and found a "girlfriend" that your wife may be having emotional problems or something going on herself and all you saw was "she just wasn't intrested"???? Ahh, I may have to stay out of this thread cause it pisses me the hell off!!! PSSh how can other women in this forum expect a man to stay faithful if she doesn't provide sex??? its called SELF-CONTROL!!!!! You'd never survive the Military Life...do you honestly think that having to go 7months or more w.o sex with my husband because he's away would cause me to cheat...??? NO....him?? NO!!! Its called RESPECTING each other, and finding out what is wrong. If its because she doesn't want you(insert opinion here) then leave! Obviously its not working! I say be honest with them both. Its the least they both deserve from someone who has been two-timing...*shrugs* just my Honest Opinion


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## Unhappy in LA

Just take this from a guy who has had the "permissions" and the opportunity. 

End them both. You cannot be happy with your wife, and you are not gonna be happy with the girl if you leave you wife for her. You obviously want something that you cannot get with just one of the two, so go find the woman who will fulfill all your needs, not just half of them.


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## Goodkatt

Something must have been going on in your marriage for your wife to get pregnant. I doubt this is another Immaculate Conception. Come on, let’s get real. While you are with your girlfriend, you are not emotionally available for your wife. The true crime isn’t that you were poinking someone else, but that you have wasted precious time in your wife’s life. Have some integrity and be a man. Be honest and let your wife find someone that will treasure and love her the way she deserves. You cannot justify hurting another human for your own pleasure; and now, it isn’t just one other person, you are now hurting an innocent baby. You and your girlfriend sound like “two peas in a pod”, you both deserve each other. Your wife and your unborn child deserve honesty and respect.


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## Amplexor

Klop 

Rationalize this all you want but you are not a good husband. And you are not being “respectful” to your wife by wearing a condom when you stick your penis in another woman. Kudos to saradale24. Self control is a wonderful trait in a spouse. Too bad for your wife that you are so lacking in that area. That your wife has lost interest in sex with you is a shame but to most reading your thread we can pretty easily guess her reasons.


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## Cuddly84

Under no circumstances is cheating acceptable believe me. You might not think it will harm the kid but if u do tell your wife she is going to be so stressed out u better hope she doesnt lose the baby. I hope your wife kicks ya to thr kerb or atleast give a few good punches into you cause that is slack going behind ur wifes back and having sexual intercourse mInd you sexual intercourse is love making with someone YOU LOVE. 

Do you even LOVE ur girlfriend or wife if so, BE A MAN and not [email protected]%K ur wife around cause thats what i think your scared of her finding someone better to look after her and the baby. There are plenty of fish out in the sea and im sure she would rather know now then get more years of marriage and missing out on a life she could have with someone who respects and loves her fully who isnt gonna stick their **** into another woman.
Sorry if that was a bit harsh but matey U need to look at everything in your life UR betraying the one who has the most trust in you. And it doesnt matter if u have only slept with ur wife and gf who knows ur gf could have an std IM sure enough U havent had ur gf tested for diseases before getting involved with her. Do your wife a favor tell her wat a scum bag u have been and get a std test. I believe other people when they says u and ur gf suit each other cause she is as scum as you for getting involved with a married man.


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## A Good Husband

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Is this even a question? Please tell me this is a joke of some sort.

Dump your girlfriend. Come clean to your wife. If she wants a divorce, give her one. If she wants to work it out, you are the luckiest man alive - and you are in the doghouse for a long, long time.

That said, there are probably some things that your wife can do to help you rekindle the interest and fidelity, but the onus is on you Klop. You messed this up, you'd better fix it.


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## bhappy3

This issue seems to be almost the only issue plaguing our American marriages today, except for the occasional addiction. I found this on Wikipedia:

Benefits of polygamy

"Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist, in his book, Plural Marriage for our Time, proposes polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men.[4]"

Maybe there is something to be said for those religions where the man marries more than one woman. Of course it may need some revisions as some of us women out there would need to marry more than one man to suit our needs, lol. 

I agree, this post is quite socially disagreeable, as proven by everyone's reactions, I guess I just have an open mind and can see his point.... The sex is great, the relationship is great, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. eh, just thinking out loud. 

But on the flipside, just to throw it out there... are you sure the baby is yours????? Maybe she was out gettin her groove on too!!

I'm sure I've offended about everyone that's read this, I'm just offering another point of view. Fire away. :ezpi_wink1:


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## bhappy3

Just a random question... how would you feel if you found out she was cheating on you, too??


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## draconis

I am not here to judge anyone on the forum. In my eyes being unfaithful is wrong, but that is the choice I believe. I would like to understand what your wife thinks or you believe your wife thinks makes you a good husband? Is it that you provide for her etc.

Beyond that, you will live your life. Do I think sex can improve a relationship? Yes. Do I think sex is needed? Of course not, people live without it all the time. 

Something else I might ask since you believe you are a good husband are you going to be there for your child? They have many emotional needs and will want to see you as much as possible.

draconis


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## mollyL

May I say one word in all this drama about your baby? You sounded sad when you said that you and your wife had never had a baby. Were you speaking in the abstract? Now your wife is pregnant, it's real now. Take your pick. Your girlfriend or your baby. Take your choice and live with it.


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## Liza

Klop, I am not going to be angry with you and curse you, all I am going say, there may be an area in your wive's life that you are not fulfilling, it maybe even sexual, perhaps you are not doing it the way she appreciates. Just suppose she goes behind your back and has an affair to keep her happy and tolerate living with you, since you are a good husband otherwise. How would you feel?


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## huntersmom_2005

klop said:


> Thanks Draconis, You always give great advice. I have only been with my wife and my gf in the last 15 years. I always use a condom with the girlfriend. I think it is the only respectful thing to do for my wife. And even if my wife were to discover my relationship, she would not leave me. I am a good husband, I have just be withheld sex for too long. I know an adulterous relationship is devestating to everyone involved, but how can the other women in this forum expect a man to stay and be faithful if she does not provide sex, for any reason over a long period of time? Sexual relations are a natural function of life. If it is no longer availible, yet the man still wants to provide for his wife, how can she complain about what the husband does to satify this natural function of life?


How can one person have such an ego. "Even if my wife were to discover my relationship, she would not leave me. I am a good husband..." How in the h*** can you consider yourself a good husband? That's like saying a lawyer that loses cases is a good lawyer. A good husband would have talked to his wife about his sexual needs and if they still weren't being met, he would have jacked off in the shower or to a porn. Seriously, get over yourself. Perhaps, your wife has needs that you are not fulfilling. Maybe she thinks you suck in bed, and that's why she isn't interested in having sex. Personally, I think that men like you are the scum of the earth, and are why many woman turn gay and/or man haters. I think that you should tell your girlfriend that your wife is pregnant, and you should tell your wife that you have a girlfriend. If you want to do that child any favors at all, you will leave the girlfriend. Would you be proud of a child that was cheating on their spouse? It's not just about your needs anymore; you are going to be a parent and role model. Lord help the child that you are a role model for. Grow some balls and tell both of them about the other. That's what a REAL man would do.


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## stav

You are going to have to choose one or the other, and be quick about it. 

Then tell them both everything. 

If your wife is having a baby, it's time for you to grow up and face your responsibilities, and it's also time you let the poor girl who is your girlfriend free to find a man who can love her, marry her, and take care of her in a loving relationship that she is entitled to be the only one in.

That's if you really want advice about what to do. Personally your posts just sound like boasting to me.


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## tater03

I would agree that you need to tell your wife. Then you need to seriously think about who you want to spend your life with. You need to either let one or both go.


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## fr33bird81

"for better or for worse" isnt that what you promised?? guess only the "better" part counts in this case.


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## kapjet

Wow what can one say?? I think you should get rid of the girlfriend and let your wife know what you have been up to. If you dont tell your wife I can be sure the grilfriend will! 
Did your wife and you have great sex at all? Maybe try and fiqure out what went wrong and work on fixing it! Get some marriage councelling, if of course your wife wants to keep you! I can tell you If it were me and I knew for sure my husband was having sex with someone else I would kick him hard and far to the curb permanently!


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## klop

I am a great husband because I make my wife feel loved. I am a great lover because I make my girlfriend feel loved. The question was NOT "should I tell my wife” The answer to that is NO. My question was "should I tell my girlfriend" Telling my wife might clear my conscience but it would hurt my wife. I have told my girlfriend from the start that I will never leave my wife. We have a happy loving relationship. My only complaint is the lack of really great sex. I find it humorous that women in this forum feel as though they no longer need to satisfy their men after marriage. For better or worse is referencing the challenges in life you face together. It is not a requirement for a man to remain faithful to a woman who does not satisfy sexually just because she doesn't want to. It would be different if there was a physical restriction that prevented sex, which would be a challenge the couple would face together. This is not the situation in my case. 
I don't want to string my girlfriend along or mislead her in any way. I love her too much for that. (yes, I love her). So my question of should I tell my girlfriend has pretty much been answered if I filter out all the other BS about telling my wife and coming clean. This is my cross to bear, not hers. I will carry that secret to my grave. I love my wife too much to ever hurt her like that. 


Klop


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## Amplexor

Just when I thought you couldn’t get more egotistic you rise to the occasion. You have missed most of the wisdom in the so called BS. That if your wife is not providing you with any sexual intimacy you should look at yourself, your relationship and her to find out what is wrong. Work on that because it is “for better or worse” in a marriage. Sex is not “owed” in a relationship it is earned with love, respect and communication. Your opinion of what a good husband is, is seriously flawed. And so are you!


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## Amplexor

And just for the record sport, my wife and I are desperately trying to save a 20 year marriage. It’s hard, it’s difficult but we try. She hasn’t had sexual relationships with me for nearly 10 months but I’m not looking elsewhere. Just trying to correct some problems we both have. I love and respect my wife far too much to even consider cheating on her.


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## stav

Your ego knows no bounds... I don't know why you are here to be honest, you are not interested in help for your problem, you are just looking for justification to keep cheating on your wife and your marriage vows.


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## odchoi

That is the result of infidelity. Standing on crossroads. If you don't want to mess up with your marriage never ever hurt your wife's feelings. If she finds out that you have been doing that through other channels or other person she will be mad too. It's all up to you.


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## klop

In Response to STAV, I am on this site because it is a marriage AND relationship forum. Both are very important to me. 
In Response to Amplexor, 10 months???? Are you crazy?? Honestly, if she is not sleeping with you, what is the point? You should leave your wife and find someone who will respect and love you. After 10 months of no sex, I think it is beyond repair. At least acknowledge your method of desperately trying to save your marriage is a flawed method. Leave her and she will appreciate you for the provider you are. Right now you are being used and dis-respected. Be a man and regain control of your woman. You will be better off in the long run!


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## opio

Man i know a married couple that hasn't shagged for 2 years... and they are still married... wtf? I now i scratch my head all the time as she explains to me about her toys... wth?

You are in a messed up situation... An angry GF is never good, it sounds like you are beginning to underestimate the women in your life. Women are far better cheaters then men, and do you know why? Because they THINK IT OUT... I agree that you are wasting time with both women, your GF can be with someone that is available and your wife can be with someone that truly loves and respects her (not that you don't)... Sex is important... but regardless how you look at it... cheating (physically or emotionally) is not fully respecting your wife... 

You have a lot on your plate and a lot to think about... How would you feel if your wife had someone on the side? Your answer to this one will give you an idea of how she may feel... The mirror is always two-sided, you see what you want to see until you decide to look deeper...

Have you ever seen 'Unfaithful'? Watch it... it will make you think twice about your marriage... 

good luck i wish you the best...


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## stav

My point is that you are cheating both your wife and your girlfriend, so ultimately you are cheating yourself, yet you can't see it? In the end they will both leave you.


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## Amplexor

Klop	

You are truly one of a kind. Believe me I am more of a man than you will ever be. My wife stuck by me for years even though I wasn’t providing her with the emotional support she wanted and needed. I’ll stick by her for as long as it takes to resolve our current issues. And we stick with each other because we have children to continue to rear together. There is more love, affection and support in our household than there has been in years. You don’t throw a marriage away because one part of it is broken. You obviously think marriage and relationships revolve around sex. Well there is much more to it than that. It’s about commitment, love and respect. All the things we promised each other in front of family, friends and God 21 years ago. Believe me I am a man. Man enough to admit my errors, love my wife no matter the problems, change my ways and honor my commitments. If more spouses would put more effort into these things in America we wouldn’t have a divorce rate over 50%. All in all I’m sure we will get our marriage back on track with time. And if we don’t, at least we both gave it our best shot. I’m sorry that these deeper beliefs are foreign to you. But I am obviously wasting my time and sage on someone like you. Have a nice so called life.


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## Goodkatt

Klop, can you truly be happy knowing that you are hurting others? Be honest with yourself. Think about what your life will look like in 5, 10, 15 years. Will you have regrets? What will your child be able to say about his/her father? Will you be a good roll model? Live in to the image that you want your child to have of his/her father. Be the kind of father that your child will be proud to call Dad. Do the right thing.


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## draconis

Amplexor said:


> Klop
> 
> You are truly one of a kind. Believe me I am more of a man than you will ever be. My wife stuck by me for years even though I wasn’t providing her with the emotional support she wanted and needed. I’ll stick by her for as long as it takes to resolve our current issues. And we stick with each other because we have children to continue to rear together. There is more love, affection and support in our household than there has been in years. You don’t throw a marriage away because one part of it is broken. You obviously think marriage and relationships revolve around sex. Well there is much more to it than that. It’s about commitment, love and respect. All the things we promised each other in front of family, friends and God 21 years ago. Believe me I am a man. Man enough to admit my errors, love my wife no matter the problems, change my ways and honor my commitments. If more spouses would put more effort into these things in America we wouldn’t have a divorce rate over 50%. All in all I’m sure we will get our marriage back on track with time. And if we don’t, at least we both gave it our best shot. I’m sorry that these deeper beliefs are foreign to you. But I am obviously wasting my time and sage on someone like you. Have a nice so called life.


A divorce rate of 50% and 33% of marriages have one or more partner cheating some time during it.

Klop ~ You are right this is a relationship/marriage forum. However you are in a unique situation, which most people disagree with including me. However, I am not to judge you so I gave my advice. Sooner or later your GF will find out and know you lied by not telling her.

draconis


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## bhappy3

Ok, you asked if you should tell your g/f your wife is pregnant (congratulations btw). I don't think you've divulged enough information as to the relationship with your g/f for us to be able to answer that ?. Do you have an open relationship with her now that she knows everything that is going on in your married life?? Is she attuned to all of your daily activities such as maybe when your car goes to the garage or when you have a dentist appointment or that you went to the movies last night?? If you're open enough to share your daily life with her, then I'd most certainly tell her about your pending parenthood. If you only have a sexual relationship and don't share your daily life, then it sounds like something she doesnt' need to know. When the two of you originally hooked up, I'm sure you talked about the details of your life... yes, I'm married, no, I dont' have any kids, I like my coffee black, etc. So now that that's changing, it might be a good idea to keep her posted. I think she would be more hurt to find out after the fact if something comes up that you cant' be with her b/c of the child, then find out. 

You say that your g/f is wanting you more and more. A child is going to need you more than your wife and your g/f combined. Are you prepared to take on three people that need you this much?? I just sense a problem if your g/f is wanting more and more of you. It sounds like eventually this will come to a head. That said, it's just up to you as to when you want it to end. I really dont' forsee this thing going on forever, do you?? Do you think the fact that you're going to be a parent is going to scare her off?? If so, then there's your answer. 

Best of luck... it sounds messy.


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## stav

It is obvious klop does NOT share everything with his g/f as you are describing bhappy, because if he did, he wouldn't be asking us if he should tell her about his wife's pregnancy. She would know already. So he is lying to everyone involved, including himself.

He has apparently decided not to tell his g/f.. does he think he can keep a child a secret?


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## Andrea

klop,
you asked us "should I tell my girlfriend my wife is pregnant?" I believe the answer is, Yes you should tell your gf that your wife is pregnant. if you and the gf have been together for as long as you have said, there is probably an emotion attachment there and she maybe hurt if you dont tell her yourself and she finds out later on. she is most likely to tell your wife. 

realize klop, you asked that question in a public forum. so you are gonna get feedback that you may not necessarily like. you take the good with the bad. 

You owe your wife and that precious baby so much more than you are giving them. Do what is right.


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## klop

ok, I did not tell my girlfriend yet, but I have broken things off with her completely. I need to focus on strengthing my relationship with my wife. Thank you for all the great advice.


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## Maxie

klop said:


> ok, here is my story, My wife and I have been married for 15 years and I was faithful for the first 13.


What? You think you deserve a medal for that? That is what you are suppose to do.




klop said:


> Then she just became disinterested in sex. We had talked about having a child but even when the "time was right" she wasn't really into it.


And what steps did you take to find out why she had become disinterested????????




klop said:


> I am in great shape and I recieved "the look" from women all the time. I decided to take someone up on the offer and since I have been having the best sex of my life with my girlfriend.


I'm very happy for you. . . .NOT!!!



klop said:


> So All my needs are being met,


Is that all that matters to you????




klop said:


> I have mind blowing sex with my girlfriend and dinner ready for me at home with the wife.


Well isn't that just great. . .as long as you are taken care of. . . . . .



klop said:


> Well, in one of our brief encounters, my wife and I concieved a child. It was very unexpected.


Well isn't that just great, now you are bringing an innocent child into this mess.



klop said:


> So now I have a dilemma, my girlfriend wants me more and more and I fear if I tell her my wife is pregnant, she will force herself not to call me any more.


Waaaaa, Waaaaaa, Waaaaaaa, it's still all about you isn't it?? *You have a baby on the way, you should be the one that doesn't call her anymore!!!*




klop said:


> Honestly, My girlfriend is what makes my life with my wife bearable. My relationship with my wife is so much more bearable now.


If life with your wife was so unbearable you should have ended the marriage before you found someone else.



klop said:


> Should I tell my girlfriend my wife is pregnant?


Yes. . .. . DUH!! You should also tell her goodbye. 



klop said:


> Can I just provide for my wife and child and keep the worlds separate?



No. 



klop said:


> I want a family but I don't want to give up the most incredible sexual relationship I have ever known!


You will never have a family while cheating on your spouse. If you cheat on your wife you will also be cheating on your child. You affair already takes time, energy and financial resources away from from your wife, it will take those things away from your child also. When the child gets older and asks "daddy where have you been I wanted to play with you", what are you going to say "sorry I had to go screw my mistress"???


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## nikkilaya1234

Ok, I'm a girl and have been in a situation with a guy who was married. We never slept with each other or any of that but before anything bad could happen, we decided to be friends only. Now he and his wife are planning for the arrival of their baby in a couple of months and we occasionally talk from time to time. 

He wasn't thinking of it at the time, but I'm sure now he's thinking of all he could have lost if he were to continue the physical relationship we could have had. 

I'm glad it's that way now. They're both happy.

Now, if you tell her about your wife's pregnancy, I'm sure your girlfriend will get a little discouraged but I really don't think she'll back away from you. It's selfish to say but it's true. Especially if she's more into something physical and less emotional. But if her emotions for you are getting stronger to where she may be in love with you, then I'm pretty sure she'll go away.

I know you've heard all the "you're an ass" and crap so I'll leave it out even though it's true. 

Have you told each about one another?


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## oceanbreeze

Hi klop,

It sounds like you know that your mistress is in love with you otherwise you would not be worried that she'll leave your lustrous sexual encounters. However, you are married and will be expecting a child. As a father and husband you will find more joy in being together with your married family rather than your material happiness...i.e. the flesh of your mistress. 

update us, I am curious to see the steps you have taken.


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## bhappy3

klop... I just am so curious as to what changed all of a sudden?? You originally posted the question and people naturally went ape**** over it. Then you got very defensive, naturally as well. Now you're done with the g/f and devoting yourself to your wife. You did a total and complete turnaround. How come?? I've been watching this post since it started and it's just so interesting. =)


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## oceanbreeze

i'm with bhappy3. it's so interesting!


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## stav

klop said:


> ok, I did not tell my girlfriend yet, but I have broken things off with her completely. I need to focus on strengthing my relationship with my wife. Thank you for all the great advice.



I'm impresed Klop. Good luck and I hope all goes well for you, and your wife and your new baby. You've done the right thing. You will see this for yourself years down the line.


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## True Blue

klop said:


> ok, I did not tell my girlfriend yet, but I have broken things off with her completely. I need to focus on strengthing my relationship with my wife. Thank you for all the great advice.



You are dilusional if you think you can just walk away free and clear. Unfortunately your wife will eventually discover the affair and she will be crushed by your betrayal. What's done in the dark always come to light, ALWAYS. A baby is a blessing and this a time when a couple should be the happiest ever. You have cast a dark cloud on your marriage and I pray that when your wife does find out she's able to pick up the pieces and take care of herself and her child. Your day for atonement will come, get ready.


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## draconis

Actually very few people that cheat actual get caught at all. Only 2% get caught in the act and 25% give enough clues to be caught. That is statistical fact, like it or not.

Klop, your child is the best thing that will ever happen to you and I hope you take good care of the child and shower him/her with plenty of attention.

Good luck at being a father.

draconis


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## klop

bhappy3 said:


> klop... I just am so curious as to what changed all of a sudden?? You originally posted the question and people naturally went ape**** over it. Then you got very defensive, naturally as well. Now you're done with the g/f and devoting yourself to your wife. You did a total and complete turnaround. How come?? I've been watching this post since it started and it's just so interesting. =)


The thing that changed everything was the Sonogram. This is Amazing! I saw I child alive and well.


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## bhappy3

Well thank you for sharing!! Sometimes it just takes something so remarkable to be your wake up call. I'm glad you came around and you'll be glad for it as well. Use it as an opportunity to start the seed of your relationship again. It will make all the difference in the life of your child and your marriage. Perhaps check out the book... The Five Love Languages by Chapman... it might give you some insight as to how to work your wife back into bed with you. Children are so beautiful and so innocent... as you've just witnessed. Congratulations again. =)


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## draconis

klop said:


> The thing that changed everything was the Sonogram. This is Amazing! I saw I child alive and well.


I wish you the best. If you always try to be the best father you might fail (at being the best but you will never fail at being a good father) but atleast the effort will show and the love will spill forth. There is never to much time to spend with a child the feeling as they grow and learn while you are there helping them.

draconis


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## stav

Nothing like the first sight of a precious life that is totally your responsibility, to focus you on the important things is there? 

Congratulations, and I wish you and your new family all the joy and luck in the world


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## kirablue

Hi Klop,
Wow! Interesting. I am thrilled to hear that you left your girlfriend, and are excited about the miracle of your child. I believe that you were given alot of excellent advice, I want to address only one thing that was brought up. I am prepared to get blasted for this, but this is what I truly believe. I absolutely believe that sex in marriage IS a duty, requirement, part of marriage that BOTH husband and wife are responsible to provide. When any of us get married, we make vows to do certain things for life. To be a little silly about it, we can get our food in a restaurant, or grocery store, at home or a friends house or many many other places, nothing wrong with that as a wife or a husband getting our food at many various places right lol. But sex is completely different, wives, husbands your spouse can ONLY get sex from you. If they get if from anywhere else it is wrong, BUT if they want it we should provide it if it is at all possible for us to do so(of course severe illness or other severe circumstances not included). Now does that mean if our spouse does not provide sex we are allowed to get it elsewhere? NO WAY, it still stands. When any of us are married sex comes from our spouse or not at all. I only believe that each of us should realize (my opinion again) that it is our very important responsibility to our spouse to provide for their sexual needs at all times. klob, I think you should have made it EXTREMELY respectfully clear to your wife how this desire of yours was not being fullfilled, and I think you should have taken all the energy you unfortunately took to your girlfriend on your wife to get your sex life back on track. Since you made very very clear that your straying was due to sexual lack in your marriage now that you have wonderfully decided to recommit to your wife and child, NOW tell her, make it COMPLETELY clear to her, in every way that you possibly can, how much you are wanting sex to be a part of your lives again. Explore every possibility in that area so that you are not left so wanting. Most women I know are open when their husband is open and honest and not HARSH with them. I hope for you both a happy healthy marriage and child.


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## swedish

klop said:


> how can the other women in this forum expect a man to stay and be faithful if she does not provide sex, for any reason over a long period of time?


how can you expect a woman to 'provide' sex when for most women, sex is an emotional connection to a man based on feeling loved, respected and appreciated? Using a condom whilst having an affair doesn't really cut it as respecting your wife in my book. Talking to her about voids in the relationship that may be making her feel less interested in having sex would be respecting her and her feelings. JMHO.

I'm very glad to hear you broke things off and are focusing on your wife and unborn child. I wish you all the best and hope you are able to find all the happiness you seek within your marriage.


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## confusedinTX

If you can't live without sex and you TRY to fix the issue with your spouse and still nothing it is time to make the call....live without the wife or sex. Not get a girlfriend who it doesn't sound like you love whie enjoying someone cooking and cleaning for you. Eat out and get a maid. 

More then all that though is you are going to be a father.....the BABY needs to be first. What happens if the baby gets really sick and your wife can't find you because you are off with the girlfriend? Could you forgive yourself if something happened while you were hitting the sheets with another woman? Be a man and get over yourself....there is a little person who needs you to be a good dad whether that is cutting out the cheating or leaving your wife and just beinga good dad. Cheating always comes out and it would be better for your wife to have a chance at a life with a husband who won't cheat on her. The babies happiness is very much tied to the moms so keep that in mind.


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## trexy66

Amp you sound like a great person.I think it is great that you believe in commitment,love and respect.Your wife is very lucky to have you in her life.Good Luck


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## darkeros

Have your girl friend move in with you and your wife :lol: That would solve one of your problems. Women should learn to share as well as men should also.

darkeros


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## pinkprincess

have u stoped to consider how ur wife is going to feel when she finds out ??? 
as a wife myself and some one who has been cheated on ( not by my husband) it sux and it hurts more than any man like yourself will ever understand, i think u need to come clean with your wife, you owe her that and she deserves someone who is going to love her u clearly dont, tell your gf she will find out eventually anyway and would be better (if thats possible) from u...


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## marie38

A Good Husband said:


> Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Is this even a question? Please tell me this is a joke of some sort.
> 
> Dump your girlfriend. Come clean to your wife. If she wants a divorce, give her one. If she wants to work it out, you are the luckiest man alive - and you are in the doghouse for a long, long time.
> 
> That said, there are probably some things that your wife can do to help you rekindle the interest and fidelity, but the onus is on you Klop. You messed this up, you'd better fix it.


Good Husband, thank you for saying that. I appreciate that there are men on this forum that are telling Klop what the deal is. I am a woman whose been cheated on- and I didn't stop having sex with my husband by any means what so ever.... so in my opinion- you (man or woman) are either a cheater, or you're not. That doesn't mean evil- just that you shouldn't be in a committed, monogomous relationship. 
Klop, you need to realize that true happiness cannot be attained by hurting others. It will always come back and bite you in the butt.


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## brenda

Klop,
Your going to be a father.The bigger picture here isn't just that you've done one of the worst things in the world to your wife, but that an innocent child is going to be brought into this situation. Children usually end up repeating their parents lives in some way. Every time you look at your baby, I want you to think about how you treat your wife, and how you would like your daughter to expect her husband to treat her/or how your son should treat his wife and raise your grandchildren. Your setting the stage for your children, grandchildren and their children to come. This isn't just your life that your playing with. ALWAYS keep that in mind. Besides, what kind of woman would sleep with another woman's man?? The GF isn't worth a dime! Your wife and children are priceless.


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## fly4fun

Most idiots would say you are wrong, but I think you did the right thing by not leaving your wife for sex, she just lost what is the most important thing in a man's life admiration and sex. you want to be wanted and desired for , you want to feel special. I honestly would tell my girlfriend that few months ago you had been a sleep, blame it on booze and say your wife came in to your bed and jumped you, now she is knocked up and you want her to know that this is not even close to what you want, but she will get mad, let her be for 3 or 4 days then buy her a diamond earrings or necklace and you are back on top..DONT TELL THE WIFE...


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## Shoto1984

This thread started before I started posting here but it is an interesting read. Klop did betray his marriage but his wife betrayed it first. I'm sure there is more to the story but on the face of it's a pretty common situation. One person basically holds the other person hostage in the marriage. The remaining love, the threat of harm to the children, financial ruin etc. keeps the suffering person from leaving but not from possibly finding ways to cope. Klop, will find joy in his new baby but will likely find that he is back in the same unhappy boat soon enough.


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## voivod

bhappy3 said:


> This issue seems to be almost the only issue plaguing our American marriages today, except for the occasional addiction. I found this on Wikipedia:
> 
> Benefits of polygamy
> 
> "Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist, in his book, Plural Marriage for our Time, proposes polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men.[4]"
> 
> Maybe there is something to be said for those religions where the man marries more than one woman. Of course it may need some revisions as some of us women out there would need to marry more than one man to suit our needs, lol.
> 
> I agree, this post is quite socially disagreeable, as proven by everyone's reactions, I guess I just have an open mind and can see his point.... The sex is great, the relationship is great, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. eh, just thinking out loud.
> 
> But on the flipside, just to throw it out there... are you sure the baby is yours????? Maybe she was out gettin her groove on too!!
> 
> I'm sure I've offended about everyone that's read this, I'm just offering another point of view. Fire away. :ezpi_wink1:


okay...in a polygamous relationship, is it not "customary" for all the involved partners to be aware of the others? this goes not really fit this situation, huh?


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## Frgvn

Yes


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## king

well you've been beat up enough by just about everyone for cheating. While cheating is wrong, not having sex with your husband in just as wrong. I hope you told your wife about the problem before you found your girlfriend. but to answer your question yes you should tell your girlfriend. Hiding a baby is not something you can just do, especially if you plan on being a good father.


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## They Call Me Smooth

I didn't read the whole thread but I do see the man is losing the GF and working on his family. That's great BUT WOW. It amazes me the things a person can justify. I am completely in shock that someone could call them self a good husband while cheating on his wife. Even more amazed that he thought he was being respectful to his wife by wearing a condom. 

This thread to me is a complete eye opener. I'm just glad the ended was better then the beginning.


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## 1nurse

Did you ever tell your wife that you were unhappy with your sex life???? I find COMMUNICATION works wonders. Maybe your a bad lover? That's why your wife didn't want to have relations with you. The fact that you broke your vows by satisfying your own physical needs with someone else is sad. I can tell you what a awful horrible person you are but really deep down I think you know what you did and are doing is wrong. Broads, ding dongs, skanks they are all a dime a dozen. But a WOMAN is much harder to find and keep. If you really love your wife PROVE it by ending your affair, coming clean with your wife and throw yourself into saving your marriage. That's about all I have to say. Justifying hurting your wife and putting yourself first is immature, narcisistic and wrong.


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## linliltree

Let the girlfriend go... take care of your wife and child. Do the right thing.


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## findingpeace

Well klop I am sorry to say this but all I heard in your post is me me me I feel you are being very selfish only thinking about your own needs and willing to do whatever it takes to get them needs met no matter who you hurt in the process how would you feel if it was your wife cheating on you ?? you said you think you are a good husband well good husbands dont cheat on their wives you have a child and his/her future to think about you dont think your wife will leave you well you may just have a big surprise when she does and if she does you will wonder if all the sex in the world will ever replace the true love you had with your wife and the wonderful years as a family you could of had if you wernt so selfish true love puts others before yourself the problem is you love yourself more than you love others !!!!!!!


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## voivod

I keep hoping this thread will just end...

to the original poster: keep banging your "girlfriend" and let your "wife" keep making you dinner.

you're sick and you make me sick.

amplexor was right. he's is a more loving man than you will ever be.

sonogram turned you around? you moron.


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## Sufficiently Breathless

Holy Sheet batman!!!

Is this dude for real? I have never read something so egotistical and just plan stupid in my life!!! 

Duh... I think I just lost brain cells reading it... *drools


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## gone2soon

klop said:


> I am a great husband because I make my wife feel loved. I am a great lover because I make my girlfriend feel loved. The question was NOT "should I tell my wife” The answer to that is NO. My question was "should I tell my girlfriend" Telling my wife might clear my conscience but it would hurt my wife. I have told my girlfriend from the start that I will never leave my wife. We have a happy loving relationship. My only complaint is the lack of really great sex. I find it humorous that women in this forum feel as though they no longer need to satisfy their men after marriage. For better or worse is referencing the challenges in life you face together. It is not a requirement for a man to remain faithful to a woman who does not satisfy sexually just because she doesn't want to. It would be different if there was a physical restriction that prevented sex, which would be a challenge the couple would face together. This is not the situation in my case.
> I don't want to string my girlfriend along or mislead her in any way. I love her too much for that. (yes, I love her). So my question of should I tell my girlfriend has pretty much been answered if I filter out all the other BS about telling my wife and coming clean. This is my cross to bear, not hers. I will carry that secret to my grave. I love my wife too much to ever hurt her like that.
> 
> 
> Klop


Hey Klop. Let me tell you I don't think you are a jerk or a bad husband. I think some of my fellow women may be a little disturbed about your wife being pregnant. Do NOT EVER tell your wife about your GF--why does she need to know...it would kill her. I agree with you that that was not your question bc you already stated that you would not want to hurt your wife. So everyone needs to calm down. Now to tell your GF that your wife is PG--absolutely! I say this bc I am not only married, but I am a GF to a man who is also married. We work together and we are very much in love. I've never loved my husband. I married him bc he is such a good man. I thought that I was at a stage in my life where I wanted to get away from the kind of men that I normally go for and find someone who, how should I put this kindly, "loves my dirty drawers"! Well, I got just that. I truly believed that you either cheat or get cheated on. You either marry someone who is a friend with no toe curling experiences, or you marry someone who is just over the top, toe curling, blood boiling, leaving you out of breathe too bc you will always be chasing after them. I believe your wife is like my husband. She probably adores you (which is why she has food waiting on you when you get home). You should have married someone like your GF but for some strange reason you may have felt that you could change your wife into someone that she isn't. I really understand where you are coming from. I don't want to hurt my husband either, nor do I want to stop seeing my lover. I truly love my BF. I never thought I would feel like that for someone again. He feels the same about me. We talk about leaving our signifs all the time, but we are both smart enough to know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. He and I both enjoy sex with each other tremendously! He doesn't get it from his wife, and I don't get it from my husband. What was supposed to be just a romp in the park, turned into a blown out affair. It's been going on for a year and it is really getting difficult bc we work together and the feelings I have for him are getting stronger each day. In fact, the more I try to leave him alone the more I yearn for him, and for him it is the same. I never loved my husband. I feel like I live with my brother. 

...well, I guess this isn't about me. I put myself in your GF position and please believe me when I tell you this: you HAVE to tell her. If my lover didn't tell me that he got his wife PG and didn't tell me I would be devastated! I know you and your GF probably (I know it is hard for most of you out there to believe so go ahead and blow me up on this one...BUT) have a very, open relationship together. You probably tell your GF EVERYTHING and she probably tells you everything. This is why you love her. You share things with her that you would never share with your wife. I know. It is because of this honesty and openness with your GF that you MUST tell her of your wife's pregnancy. If she (GF) chooses to leave you that is (unfortunately) her choice. But seriously, could you blame her? We already asked our lovers to endure a lot, but asking them to put up with a new born?? That is just too much. Let me ask this: wouldn't you want to know if your GF were PG by her husband (providing she were married you didn't specify)? At any rate, I understand your pain. Honestly, I don't feel like you are a bad husband. Just bc you cheat doesn't make you a bad husband. I know what you mean by that. I honestly think that I am a FANTASTIC wife bc I do everything for my husband. He thinks I am the cats meow. I never disrespect my husband and always make him feel like number one! He has meals waiting on him every night. Everything is GREAT except for sex. He is just not interested. Simple. We have had many talks and he seems to think there is nothing wrong. So, I've decided to go elsewhere for sex. But now I've become completely emotionally attached and I feel I'm going to have to end it--and I don't want it to end. I, like you, have an easier time dealing with my life when I have my BF in it. But I know that I can't live two lives. And you can't live THREE. You can't be husband, BF, and daddy. Right now your wife needs your full attention--for the health of your unborn child. Please believe me when I say this. What is meant to be is meant to be. Don't stress your wife, GF or your unborn. Your child's well being is more important right now. You MUST tell you GF bc trust me if you don't tell her, she will hate you. I promise she will. I would honestly hate my BF if he got is wife PG and didn't tell me--that would truly be the straw that broke the camel's back (poor cliche I know).

I honestly wish you the best. I hope everything works out for you.


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## Amplexor

Be vewy, vewy quiet, I'm hunting twolls!


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## josh1081

The keyword for me in all this is the fact that he said having a girlfriend made being with his wife bearable. That's not a word anyone in a stable relationship should use, and I don't see anything about this as stable. Sounds like the boats floating dead in the water. Cheating is cowardly to me and just show a complete disconnect from your partner. Does your girlfriend even know that you're married? I don't remember if you said that or not. If so, then let your wife be free to find someone that can treat her better.


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## josh1081

Plus the whole I don't want to hurt my spouse excuse is old and hypocritical. Why say you don't want to hurt them and then turn around and do something that hurts them. Time to cut the cord and stop living the lie.


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## amberlynn

i read bits and pieces of this post and all i can say is wow.. just wow.. its ashame it took you seeing an ultrasound of your baby to realize you needed to dump your gf... your married..you shouldnt have had a gf/booty call in the first place.... your no man.. a man would grow some balls and talk his problems out with his wife.. seems to me your world revolves around sex.. i dont blame your wife for not sleeping with you.. i hope she does find out some day down the road, and i pray it doesnt kill her. youre gonna get whats comin to you for doin this to your wife, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.


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## tobeamiss

I think you're an spineless coward for having a gf in the first place. I've only read the last 3 posts and don't need to read from the beginning to get your profile. Wonder how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Without looking back at all the other posts I'm sure that was asked already.


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## Rhea

*Let me tell you I don't think you are a jerk or a bad husband.*

I call bullsh*t, you both the one of you who is the GF to a nother married man and you sir w/the prego wife and the GF on the side need to do some serious self eval...you're telling me you'd both be ok if your spouses came to you and said "Hey so things are great 'cept for the "sex" part so I'm going to go ahead and "f*ck" someone on the side and fall head over heals in love w/them...but don't worry I think you're wonderful and I love you too so please try and understand..."

Again I call bullsh*t. 

That is all.


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## Sandy55

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

YUP. BS


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## amberlynn

Rhea said:


> *Let me tell you I don't think you are a jerk or a bad husband.*
> 
> I call bullsh*t, you both the one of you who is the GF to a nother married man and you sir w/the prego wife and the GF on the side need to do some serious self eval...you're telling me you'd both be ok if your spouses came to you and said "Hey so things are great 'cept for the "sex" part so I'm going to go ahead and "f*ck" someone on the side and fall head over heals in love w/them...but don't worry I think you're wonderful and I love you too so please try and understand..."
> 
> Again I call bullsh*t.
> 
> That is all.



:iagree: 

If i was this man's wife Id throw all his crap out by the road and change the locks on my doors.. and tell him he could go be with his booty call.. men like this should have their nuts cut off..my dad done this sh*t to my mom... WHILE SHE WAS PREGO WITH ME! she left his ass..


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## elattoo

Klop...I have been where you are to a degree. Granted, I held the conviction that what I was doing could not be justified, but I experienced the totally mixed up world of trying to manage and justify loving two people.

I was really glad to read that you have chosen to try and save your marriage. Be warned though that your heart will continue to crave the GF. Resist that desire. I have found that what makes a healthy marriage is selflessness. Stop focusing so much on whether or not you're getting your "needs" met, and ask yourself how you can better meet your wife's needs. Do this without expectations or hope of reciprocation; do it out of love for her. Do this without reservations, and you may just discover a deeper, more satisfying love than the fleeting emotional high you had with the GF. This kind of love brings peace and contentment. It's not demanding or resentful, but serving and gentle. This will especially be needed once the baby comes. Things may get tougher before they get better, but hang in there and continue to give of yourself. You will find somethng deeper and more satisfying on the other side. God bless...

Kevin


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## dcrim

I don't agree with the OP's position, but I also don't agree with elattoo either. 

You cannot meet someone else's needs and sublimate your own! 

If your needs aren't being met, where's the incentive to meet someone else's?

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership; a full partnership. A co-operative (ad)venture. It's give & take as needed. It is NOT one in charge! 

It is putting the other's happiness ahead of your own, but that should be reciprocated thus making both happy.


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## elattoo

dcrim ~ what you say is true. Marriage is a partnership, an adventure, give and take...yes! However, that should not be the foundation upon which it's built IMHO. If that's the case, it's destined for failure since humans are imperfect and our natural inclination is self-serving. The difference here is what is the purpose of marriage. Is it really to make us happy? If that's the case, what's the point? We can find that brand of "happiness" just about anywhere. Isn't marriage a covenant requiring a deeper level of committment than "I'll love you as long as you reciprocate"?

In my experience, true happiness (or contentment) comes when you discover the deeper love that comes from truly giving up your demands and expectations, and putting your spouse first regardless. Along with that, however, is the understanding that I am ultimately grounded in my faith in God. If that is not there, then it is difficult to hold to any of this.

Best regards...
Kevin


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## dcrim

Elattoo (Kevin) -- marriage, like any relationship IS a partnership. An equal partnership. 

It's an agreement that you both will love each other for the rest of your lives. 

I do NOT agree that one needs to "give up" anything for one's SO!! We each need our lives, our interests. Be it bowling, poker, curling, whatever. We each have our own "needs" but we also have partner needs. 

Read "The 5 love languages". We all have different ways of perceiving love and expressing it. 

The covenant concept smacks close to religious conviction. I'm ok with each person's faith...but we are all different in that regard. 

The "paper" merely tells society that we (the two of you) are committed to each other.


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## elattoo

dcrim - difference of opinion, I guess, and I can respect that. I do in fact subscribe to the definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible. The love languages idea isn't a terrible concept, in that it does teach to consider your spouse's bent. So, that's great. 

I don't hold that you have to give up your hobbies and interests and become your spouse's slave. You still have those things, but you put your spouse ahead of yourself. Again, it's in the spirit of how Jesus taught that we love and serve others, even our enemies. I realize many don't believe in the Bible, but the principles can still work to build a healthy marriage, even a healthy individual.

Thanks for your reply.
Kevin

Refining Marriage


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## NothingMan

As a man, I have to say...the 5 love languages book is a tool used by women to force men into doing things the way the woman wants them done with no promise of anything on your end. 

My wife made me read that book with her. Her love language, oddly enough, was the one where you do things for the other person and praise. Cool. Mine, was the physical one. No big surprise right? 

Now, im the husband who does everything she could possibly want in an effort to make her feel loved and of course, get sex. Not, "more" sex mind you...just sex. So I've held up my part of the bargain...do you think she held up her part? Obviously not.

Free advice, if your wife/GF comes home with that book...start a fire with it. Your relationship wont change the way you want it to and you'll just feel more taken advantage of then you already do.

5 love languages my ass. It should be titled "The art of conning your man into doing things you want him to."

I swear its a donkey and a carrot act.

Seriously...I may sound "old fashioned" or even like archie bunker, but for real...dont let that book in your house. And you can take the kama sutra (she wont read it with you) and the Joy of sex (another paper weight, though slightly more deceptive with the use of the word "joy") and chuck em both into the fire.

Someone just needs to develop a pill or injection that makes women want to have sex with thier husbands. Thats all it would take.

John


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## elattoo

John...

You're crackin' me up. I like your style.


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## NothingMan

Happy to make people laugh 



John


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## Rhea

NothingMan said:


> As a man, I have to say...the 5 love languages book is a tool used by women to force men into doing things the way the woman wants them done with no promise of anything on your end.
> 
> My wife made me read that book with her. Her love language, oddly enough, was the one where you do things for the other person and praise. Cool. Mine, was the physical one. No big surprise right?
> 
> Now, im the husband who does everything she could possibly want in an effort to make her feel loved and of course, get sex. Not, "more" sex mind you...just sex. So I've held up my part of the bargain...do you think she held up her part? Obviously not.
> 
> Free advice, if your wife/GF comes home with that book...start a fire with it. Your relationship wont change the way you want it to and you'll just feel more taken advantage of then you already do.
> 
> 5 love languages my ass. It should be titled "The art of conning your man into doing things you want him to."
> 
> I swear its a donkey and a carrot act.
> 
> Seriously...I may sound "old fashioned" or even like archie bunker, but for real...dont let that book in your house. And you can take the kama sutra (she wont read it with you) and the Joy of sex (another paper weight, though slightly more deceptive with the use of the word "joy") and chuck em both into the fire.
> 
> Someone just needs to develop a pill or injection that makes women want to have sex with thier husbands. Thats all it would take.
> 
> John


Well hell, then why'd my husband leave :rofl:

damnit I wanted to have sex w/him all the time 

now all my theories are shot to hell and I must start over lol

:scratchhead: *back to the drawing board* lol


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## agatha

What goes around, comes around. I pity your wife. Goodluck on what you call "marriage".


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## ls878

Wow! What a lost soul YOU are! LOSER!!!! You're poor baby!


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## goatz

Firstly most women will not want to understand your position, therefore will just tell you your an ass. On the other hand your baby needs a dad more than you need sex. I'm with gone2soon dump the GF don't peep a word to your wife. She would rather not know anyway, even though most women would not agree with it, it is for her own good. It is your burden to bare.

FIN


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## java

Rhea said:


> Well hell, then why'd my husband leave :rofl:
> 
> damnit I wanted to have sex w/him all the time
> 
> now all my theories are shot to hell and I must start over lol
> 
> :scratchhead: *back to the drawing board* lol


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Rhea I am with you...I want sex all the time, more than my dh! The roles are definitely reversed in this relationship! The whole men want it more than women is total BS!


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## EternalBacheor

Step #1: Verify via DNA testing that the child is yours.

Remember just as your are cheating on your wife she may have been cheating on you as well.........and is in fact getting the last laugh; by tricking you into raising the child of another man.


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## endofmyrope

bhappy3 said:


> This issue seems to be almost the only issue plaguing our American marriages today, except for the occasional addiction. I found this on Wikipedia:
> 
> Benefits of polygamy
> 
> "Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist, in his book, Plural Marriage for our Time, proposes polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men.[4]"
> 
> -------------------------------
> 
> First Clue: WIKIPEDIA!
> Any genius or moron can post on WIKIPEDIA! It's so good of you to post another point of view, very informative.
> 
> "...is better for the children..."
> 
> Great, better for the children. So basically, you're teaching your children a polygamous marriage is a good thing!?
> 
> Great advice, hope you never have kids. Better for the children? What about the wife or the husband. Sure they had their lives. Lets just let them be miserable for the rest of their lives as long as the children are happy and learning that a polygamous is very "healthy for happy children".
> 
> Lets see what happens to those children when they understand what a polygamous relationship entails and see how screwed up they are when they grow up!
> 
> WOW. Just wow. I think you should start writing on Wikipedia so you can show the world what a brilliant genius you are. Do you even have your OWN opinion or do you always resort to the opinions of others?
> 
> Actually, I already know the answer to that one. Of course you don't, you're a coward.


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## NothingMan

How is it polygamy is any better or worse to "teach" children? Im disenchanted with the whole marriage idea. I think it's contrived and unsustainable. Maybe polygamy is the answer. I figure with 10 wives...SOMEONE must want to have sex.




John.


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## hubbys baby

wow, i cant believe i just read what i did....I really don't know what this world is coming to in regards to marriage. I guess it must not be for everyone...
Polygamy? give me a freeking break......


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## woe_is_me

what he's doing is going to end up hurting everyone in the end if he doesn't stop. does the wife even know the sexual needs arent being met? maybe your not meeting her needs and she's getting revenge?


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## NothingMan

hubbys baby said:


> wow, i cant believe i just read what i did....I really don't know what this world is coming to in regards to marriage. I guess it must not be for everyone...
> Polygamy? give me a freeking break......



I was joking. One wife makes me crazy...more then one? Thats just suicide waiting to happen.



John


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## shelleyv

I watched an episode on Oprah the other day where a woman chopped off her husbands penis and threw it on the side of the road. Now I know why.


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## Harvard

either way you must take care of your kid, school, clothes, food, love etc...if it were me, I would not let my wife know I have a GF while she is pregnant with my kid. That's a pretty big burden for anyone especially when pregnant. You said things are better with you and the wife now, give her your best and break it off with the GF. Cross your fingers she doesn't go off and tell your wife. OR tell your wife the truth now, be supportive no matter what and take your medicine.


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## WhyohWhy

You freaking give us all a bad name..... I hate having to deal with the bad stereotypes of guys.


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## mistake maker

:iagree:I believe you need to get rid of the GF and work on you marrige with the wife.


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## sisters359

bhappy3 said:


> This issue seems to be almost the only issue plaguing our American marriages today, except for the occasional addiction. I found this on Wikipedia:
> 
> Benefits of polygamy
> 
> "Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist, in his book, Plural Marriage for our Time, proposes polygamy as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men.[4]"
> 
> Maybe there is something to be said for those religions where the man marries more than one woman. Of course it may need some revisions as some of us women out there would need to marry more than one man to suit our needs, lol.
> 
> I agree, this post is quite socially disagreeable, as proven by everyone's reactions, I guess I just have an open mind and can see his point.... The sex is great, the relationship is great, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. eh, just thinking out loud.
> 
> But on the flipside, just to throw it out there... are you sure the baby is yours????? Maybe she was out gettin her groove on too!!
> 
> I'm sure I've offended about everyone that's read this, I'm just offering another point of view. Fire away. :ezpi_wink1:


What's most offensive to me about this concept is that it's so sexist--why should MEN and not WOMEN have the right to more than one partner/spouse?

Of course, I'm not really offended b/c I think the whole concept is totally ludicrous, anyway. Why get married at all unless you WANT to be monogamous? Duh.


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## caribbean_dating

that's really hard... Does your girlfriend know that you have a wife. If she knows then tell her. She will understand.


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## NSWANIGAN

I agree with most people. They should both dump you....Even if you dumped the gf and came clean to your wife, how will you explain your affair for the past 13 years. Uhh I know I would not go for it. All that would mean to me was that my whole marriage was a lie and cover up. You don't deserve to be married. Men would be Mad as HELL!! if there wives were married to them and had a boyfriend or 13 years

Ya'll have to think before you act. Think about "How would I feel if my wife did the same thing I was doing???"


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## behappy

break it off the with GF
not even sure how you can live like that tbh, i get confused with 1.


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## The Other Woman

Im the other woman, miserable. My story is similar to yours, people shouldnt judge this site as we are here to get advise and support, not reprimanded, and I hear you big time. I am so not into extramarital affairs but managed to get myself involved in one. My marriage was deteriorating and for years we tried councilling, i wasnt interested in sex with him, I thought I had a sex problem and yada yada yada. Anyhow we got involved, he had a baby already with his wife and we were so in love and planned at some point that we would be together. I left my husband and became completely open with this man, we connected, we fitted like a glove, gave him every single piece of me. Then by miracle too, his wife fell pregnant. I was devostated, distraught, how could he let this happen. What a selfish person I had been not even considering her feelings. He did the right thing, ended our relationship, he had to, he still loves his wife, he never lied to me about his feelings for her, and if he did have a choice he would be with me, but he cant, he has done the honourable thing, but wants to remain friends. I fell hard people, in love like I have never been in my life, sex brilliant, personality, we just complete each other. But now its over, and I dont know how to stop loving him, it feels worse than divorcing my husband. I want to stop and I cant and its killing me. I dont know how to get myself back again.  So Klop I know where you are at, but as difficult as it is, you have to do the right thing and make your marriage work with your wife. Dont hurt her more. Although she doesnt know it, you cant desert her.


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## swedish

Welcome to Talk About Marriage. 

It is a huge risk to get involved with a married man who admitted from the start he still loved his wife. It is inevitable it will end at some point or never go beyond the affair stage although for whatever reason it seems you held on to the hope that he would at some point choose to leave her for you.

Bottom line is that he is not the only guy on the planet you are capable of falling hard for...although once bitten it's harder to open yourself up to be vulnerable again. 

Give yourself time...you are doing the right thing now by stepping back and letting him rebuild his marriage with you out of the picture...I know the break-up was not your choice, but it is the right thing to do...and a hard lesson to not get involved with someone that is not available...not that all other relationships have happy endings but you are pretty much setting yourself up for failure when it starts out as an affair.

You can't flip a switch and fall out of love but try to spend time with friends, keep busy doing things you enjoy and it will get easier over time. I hope you have stopped all contact with him...it will only delay your healing and not help him either.


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## lovegonewrong

ok well your living my life, but I am the girlfriend! and I was the one having the baby! Do your girlfriend a favor. TELL HER! LET HER GO! YOU ARE ONLY HURTING HER!


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## CaliRN

your stupid for getting ur wife pregnant when ur cheating on her. maybe u should go on the Maury show and confess to both of them. Ur screwed, u better pray ur girlfriend doesnt tell ur wife and u end up paying childsupport for the next 18years


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## HappyAtLast

Not very often do words fail me, but right now they do.


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## Nekko

Stop ressurecting posts that are a few months old pls


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## runner1

Sooner or later your girlfriend is bound to want more than just being your booty call. Some handsome guy will come and sweep her off her feet and give her the whole package. Your girlfriend may secretly be hoping you will pick her some day over your family. The new arrival will be more than just a slap in the face. it will break her heart. And if it doesn't then she is faking it, or is only using you for sex too.


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## Lon

This is the oldest zombie thread I think I've ever seen on TAM. Mods, please lock before we have to waste any thoughts on this old flamebait thread.


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## Zouz

I won't use bad words...

two things :

-choose one of the ladies and apologize to the both of what u have done .you are unique in this planet , go see a shrink.


the only positive thing I see to me , you gave me self esteem ; I am suffering from sexless marriage for 15 years , and haven't used my penis outside the door of my house ; if I will it will be only based on open marriage or divorce.

you are what u are


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## lenzi

Lon said:


> This is the oldest zombie thread I think I've ever seen on TAM. Mods, please lock before we have to waste any thoughts on this old flamebait thread.


It's amazing that such an obvious troll thread has been allowed to stand and the Op wasn't banned. 

Even a moderator fell right into it.



klop said:


> I always use a condom with the girlfriend. I think it is the only respectful thing to do for my wife.


Classic.

:lol:

Lately I find the troll threads to be more interesting than the real ones.


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## Amplexor

lenzi said:


> It's amazing that such an obvious troll thread has been allowed to stand and the Op wasn't banned.
> 
> Even a moderator fell right into it.
> 
> 
> 
> Classic.
> 
> :lol:
> 
> Lately I find the troll threads to be more interesting than the real ones.


This was Pre-Mod days for me and actually, as I recall I received a reprimand via PM on it. 

Whether Klopp was a troll or a tool, I don't really care. Locking the thread so others don't waste time on him.


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