# "old guy" with what I hope is a fixable problem



## worriedguy1 (Feb 13, 2018)

I do hope that what is wrong with me is "typical" and fixable. So here goes...

I am a 71 year old guy who has been married for over forty years. I have three children aged from thirty one to forty three. I have been in great health for all of my life. I am still active and lead what most would consider an ideal existence.

My sex life was great and it has been just fine until about a year or so ago. My wife and I enjoyed our relationship. Not a huge amount of sex but certainly plenty. About a year ago our relationship changed and it has only become "less and less" until we have relations now about once a month or perhaps even less.

The results have been that I can now, and for several month, have not been able to achieve an erection. I can't get hard now even with a visual or written stimulus. I can get to an early point perhaps, but without feeling assured that it will go on and move to a final strong situation.

Meanwhile my wife has become "distant" and it is nearly impossible for me to gauge how she will respond to any advances. I try often to light her up VIA comfortable circumstances and sweet talk to the point of manually and orally stimulating her, and sometimes I feel successful because she experiences a fulfilled state and simply doesn't want or need more. This can take somewhere between forty five and ninety minutes. 

During this and after, I feel like I am "getting off" in my head but there doesn't seem to be any way for me to become ridged and fulfill the normal sex drive of a healthy male.

I am concerned, not because of what I suspect can come about in her feelings for me, but instead what we will apparently be missing for the rest of our lives.

If this is enough to begin some constructive conversation then please bring it on. If you need more just ask and I promise to respond.


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Well the obvious advice would be Viagra or Cialis. Have you spoken with your doctor?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This can be fixed....
This can be fixed....
This can be fixed....

By medications, usually, not always, and not forever. Most will work OK, maybe helpful, maybe occasionally helpful.
By surgery. If otherwise healthy. See your urological surgeon for options.

The reasons for E.D. are many.

Usually a blood flow problem. Tiny 'supply' blood vessels get plugged up, or become stiff. 

If you have Diabetes, have heart issues and are on heart medications, or many other medications with a side effect causing E.D. Have a Pharmacist or Doctor look over your meds, see if any can be causing this, or 'adding to' this.

Nerve damage to the area. Damage to the lower spine and nerves. Nerve disorders.
Low testosterone is a factor, though not the total blame.

It can be mental. This is rarely the case. 
Cut back on porn. Save it for your wife. If you have ED problems even with porn, you have physiological problems.

See your Urologist. Keep seeing them until you find one to help you.

Most will give you Viagra, Cialis, Levitra and send you on your way. 
They do not want to be 'bothered' by men with this condition.
Why? It is not easily curable, may not be fixed with medication, is a very important topic for men, hence men are very concerned and agitated by this. Men come in 'tense' and anxious.

I recommend seeing a female Urologist [good luck with that] or a female PCP for this condition. Most are willing to go the extra mile.


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

As other have said - go see your doctor AND talk to your wife about this. It could be anything, but most likely it is a physical issue which can be addressed. Good luck


----------



## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

I just echoing what everyone else has said. Talk to your doctor and definitely talk to you wife. 
Her distance might be due to her knowing that you’re struggling. Maybe she’s worried that you’ll feel pressured to perform. She may be trying to protect her own feelings too. It can feel like a rejection for her even if she knows it’s not really her fault.


----------



## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Many women will blame themselves, thinking perhaps you're not attracted to her anymore, her body, etc. That's just a possible reason that she's become distant. 

Or she may not know "how" to respond to what's happening. 

As for you:

Medications to assist
Medical check up - checking meds you're taking
Pumps
Testosterone
Too much porn
Heart/blood vessel or artery problems

And I think "mental" CAN play a big part. Depends on the person and what's going on in their life/mind. 

HTH


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

OK, I am 69 and will give you my perspective. I really wish you luck.

One of the things that I fear is that someday I will become impotent as sex and emotional closeness are very very important to me. 

The best advice you have been given is to see a doctor, actually probably a number of doctors until you really know what the problem is and what your options are. ED is often associated with heart disease. You know in the Viagra commercial, where the cute lady says to ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex.......well there is a real issue there.

My fear is more about the fact that most older men get prostate cancer if they are lucky enough to live long enough and a significant percent of the cures result in impotence. My dad had prostate cancer, but he was lucky his operation didn't make him impotent. 

But the good news is that even without intercourse a couple can still have an intimate and sexual relationship.

https://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-12-2012/great-sex-without-intercourse.html

I really wish you good luck, be kind and gentle to your wife and get yourself to a doctor who will find out the root cause of your recent problem. Don't settle for band aids until your doctor has figured out the real problem.


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

*&quot;old guy&quot; with what I hope is a fixable problem*

The incidence of prostate cancer does not rise to the category of “most” at any time. 

In any given year appropriately 300 prostate cancers are diagnosed per 100,000 adult men. Approximately 18% of the male population who manage to survive past the age of 65 can be expected to be diagnosed with prostate cancer at some time in their life.

If you are actually interested I suggest you check ncbi.nim.nih.gov and refuse to listen to rumors. Educate yourself about the issues, and please don’t spread rumors about issues they discuss which may seem unclear. Many medical studies can be misleading if you don’t take the time to thoroughly understand what is being discussed.

Anyway, I recommend Cialis.

And it would be very helpful if your wife were to become playfully involved with a very positive attitude. Unfortunately you can’t change other people.


----------



## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Do you lift weights?
It has the triple effect of increasing testosterone, making you feel good, and making you look good


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Don't be embarrassed! Have your primary care physician or urologist recommend either Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra or one of their generics for you!

You've likely got only an errant blood flow problem in that region!*


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Steve2.0 said:


> Do you lift weights?
> 
> It has the triple effect of increasing testosterone, making you feel good, and making you look good




So does intermittent fasting. And lifting weights while fasted for more than 12 or 14 hours greatly increases testosterone production.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------

