# its done



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

So we left for Florida on Wednesday for my brother in laws wedding. I found a valentines card in the center console of my husbands truck. Guess that put an end to why the hell he had left in the 1st place!!

So anyway when I questioned him about it, he swore it was nothing & they had only kissed 3 times (they work together). Then I found hotel receipts on the email on his phone & emails back & forth between them. I got in touch with her husband to let him know what was going on. He talked to her and wants to try to save their marriage, as she swore there was nothing going on, even though she was away for the nights that my husband had booked hotels. Going to be interesting for the poor guy as they will still be working together a lot (and according to my husband their romps took place in the office after hours - so guess what'll still be happening when she is working late). I do feel sorry for the poor guy. 

My husband & I are done. He lied non stop to me. I deserve so much better. So have asked my friend to have her husband start to get divorce info for me. 

I actually went to see a psychic when I was down there, who told me I was incredibly strong & kind, & I felt like I had been beaten down for the past 5 years or so. She said my husband was immature & selfish & used money as a weapon to try to control me (so true!). She said I was very successful in the past & had given that up to become mother & wife, but that I would have that success back once I get rid of the negativity in my life that makes me feel like I am spinning my wheels (guess that may be the husband??!!) And supposedly I have already met the one who has been a huge comfort to me who would be a perfect match for me. Have no idea who that could be though!


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

What a jerk!! You do deserve better.. you dont need to put up with that s**t. 
Good luck with it all x


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Thanks! Yes I do think my life will improve greatly without him trying to hold things like he did laundry or cooked 1 freaking night a week over my head. 
Good luck to you too X


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Thanks! Yes I do think my life will improve greatly without him trying to hold things like he did laundry or cooked 1 freaking night a week over my head.
> Good luck to you too X


silly silly thing to say


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> Thanks! Yes I do think my life will improve greatly without him trying to hold things like he did laundry or cooked 1 freaking night a week over my head.


It's amazing how alike these guys are... :tool: He left a valentine's card in the center console. It's like he wanted to get caught...

So that explains his being a "workaholic". Nice, with a sick kid and worried mother back at the homestead. 

He did you a favor. Now you know for SURE what he is and can take positive steps to move forward with your life. And it WILL improve. The sentence above says VOLUMES. I think you have the same attitude I do: Who the hell NEEDS this crap? :scratchhead: :slap: 

You do sounds strong and capable. I think you'll do just fine on your own! :smthumbup: Who knows? Maybe in time maybe you will find someone who is your soulmate but first you'll need to tend to yourself and your kids. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure you will do TONS better without him than you were being with him. Now get a good lawyer and take him for what he's got! :gun:


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Ahhh babyheart...so so sorry girl... what an as*s 
I wish you all the success and happiness ...you deserve it. Sometimes hard times can only motivate you to do well in life ...so a bad thing like this can do you a real good .
Be strong !
hugs


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

You are a stunning lady, with a gorgeous family. You're so strong, I envy that. I hope you get life as to how you want it xx


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> He did you a favor. Now you know for SURE what he is and can take positive steps to move forward with your life. And it WILL improve. The sentence above says VOLUMES. I think you have the same attitude I do: Who the hell NEEDS this crap? :scratchhead: :slap:
> 
> You do sounds strong and capable. I think you'll do just fine on your own! :smthumbup: Who knows? Maybe in time maybe you will find someone who is your soulmate but first you'll need to tend to yourself and your kids. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure you will do TONS better without him than you were being with him. Now get a good lawyer and take him for what he's got! :gun:


That is my attitude. I actually feel better as now I know exactly where I stand. My life has already improved a bit - got an A on my midterm exams & an offer of a part time job. Karma LOL. And honestly, while I am angry & a little bit sad (and I know I will have days where I am a lot sad too - damn rollercoaster), the relief is actually really good. 

My son asked me if he would ever have a step dad. I told him exactly what you said, that for the next long time I will be taking care of me & us, but yes maybe someday there may be somebody else. 

I actually met a guy from Texas at the wedding, we were talking at the rehearsal dinner & he asked me long we were married. I said 10 years, he asked if we were happy. So I told him that actually we were going to get divorced as my husband had been seeing another woman. He told me that I was remarkable being there so happy & nice to everybody when I must have been hurting so much. Then at the wedding he danced with me a lot, told me that he hoped the next 12 months were healing for me & that someday after that somebody would sweep me off my feet. Then he hugged & kissed me at the end & said he hoped to see me & my wonderful kids again soon. It was really nice to be flirted with a little.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> That is my attitude. I actually feel better as now I know exactly where I stand. My life has already improved a bit - got an A on my midterm exams & an offer of a part time job. Karma LOL. And honestly, while I am angry & a little bit sad (and I know I will have days where I am a lot sad too - damn rollercoaster), the relief is actually really good.


Of course you'll have "off" days! I still do. But it's getting less and less. The finality of this will help in the healing process. The worst thing you can do is try and go back to him though..that'll set you back. You need to stick with the program! 

I often write down in my date book when we've had fights, what my husband has done, both good and bad and when I get doubts I'll not that the bad outweighs the good. It's my way of reminding myself that looking back isn't the way to go..You can only move forward. 

Congrats on the good grade and the job! That's the spirit. I find that working is very therapeutic. When we first separated I was pounded with work because I had to straighten out the mess he left me. I was working over 12 hours a day to get though the back work and get the schedule all straightened out. In the end it's worked out great. Business is good so things are looking up and now that winter is (hopefully) over things will get even better. 

In the dark days of December and January I was so overwhelmed with work, the move, the holidays, the winter weather, my father-in-law dying..you name it, it happened. But eventually things HAVE gotten better. Now I'm getting out, making friends and having fun. It'll happen for you too! :smthumbup:



> My son asked me if he would ever have a step dad. I told him exactly what you said, that for the next long time I will be taking care of me & us, but yes maybe someday there may be somebody else.


I feel strongly that you have to take a proper amount of time and rebuild not just your life, but your psyche and emotional heath. I learned the hard way that plunging into a serious relationship on the rebound is the path to disaster. It's what got me with my husband, which might not have been a bad thing had it happen when I was grounded and emotionally happy. But we definitely started off on the wrong foot as a result. It's something that he still brings up and beats me up about. 

Besides, don't you want to go out and have fun? Explore what you can do on your own and be independent? One aspect of the single life that I love is the FREEDOM. If I want to stay up until 4 am drinking wine and playing computer games or listening to heavy metal music I can! I can do what I want, when I want! It's awesome. :smthumbup:I know you have young kids but as they get older it will get better for you. I'd definitely WAIT and enjoy the kids and devote your attention to them because before you know it, they'll be older and less inclined to spend time with you. 

I am lucky because I have a GREAT time with my kids. I really enjoy their company. Even just hanging out in the apartment is great. The lack of tension and stress now is wonderful. I'm feeling a lot now about my husband not being here that I did when I first got away from my parents. Interesting..:scratchhead:

My kids will never have a step dad. No WAY would I put myself back into the fire after it took me so long to get out without being burned to a crisp. If/when I start dating I'll never be bringing guys home. My daughter will be leaving for college in September of next year and it'll just be my son with me. There will be plenty of time for that once my son leaves the nest in about 5 years. That's when I'll downgrade and get a smaller, less expensive place. 




> I actually met a guy from Texas at the wedding, we were talking at the rehearsal dinner & he asked me long we were married. I said 10 years, he asked if we were happy. So I told him that actually we were going to get divorced as my husband had been seeing another woman. He told me that I was remarkable being there so happy & nice to everybody when I must have been hurting so much. Then at the wedding he danced with me a lot, told me that he hoped the next 12 months were healing for me & that someday after that somebody would sweep me off my feet. Then he hugged & kissed me at the end & said he hoped to see me & my wonderful kids again soon. It was really nice to be flirted with a little.


:smthumbup:Yep, stuff like that is pretty fun. That's the kind of casual encounters with other men that I could get into. It's interesting that you met and danced and chatted with this guy and your husband was there! :rofl:I hope he noted that. Yes, I am evil. 

Personally, I think you are going to do just fine. I'll bet that in 6 months you will be sounding a lot like me. "Live with that schmuck again? NO WAY!!"


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :smthumbup:Yep, stuff like that is pretty fun. That's the kind of casual encounters with other men that I could get into. It's interesting that you met and danced and chatted with this guy and your husband was there! :rofl:I hope he noted that. Yes, I am evil.
> 
> Personally, I think you are going to do just fine. I'll bet that in 6 months you will be sounding a lot like me. "Live with that schmuck again? NO WAY!!"


HAHA yes he did notice & as soon as I walked off the dance floor my husband came over to me & told me he didn't like that guy. 

Thank you for your sound advice - really appreciate it


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:rofl: I know what I would've said..I would've said: "Maybe he'll give me a nice Valentine's Day card"...

That would have shut his adulterous as*s up. :FIREdevil:

As if he has ANY right whatsoever to say ANYTHING about what you do. He's not out the loop! See ya wouldn't want to be ya!:tool:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> HAHA yes he did notice & as soon as I walked off the dance floor my husband came over to me & told me he didn't like that guy.


I am not surprised he didn't like the guy !

Mind you, I have never screwed around !

Good n ya :smthumbup:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :rofl: I know what I would've said..I would've said: "Maybe he'll give me a nice Valentine's Day card"...
> 
> That would have shut his adulterous as*s up. :FIREdevil:
> 
> As if he has ANY right whatsoever to say ANYTHING about what you do. He's not out the loop! See ya wouldn't want to be ya!:tool:


you and my sister, 2 peas in a pod, and I luv me sister


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

HAHA I just love you two. Freak you are such an awesome kick ass chick & crank you are a rock solid guy. 

My response to him was "Actually I thought he was quite nice", then I went back to the dance floor and shook my thing


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

And I have no intention of hopping back into the dating pool. The next few years are all about me & my kids. Anything else wouldn't be fair on any of us. I do need fun & lots of time to heal myself. 
Maybe after 5 years a hot & sexy man would be nice though.. LOL


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> HAHA I just love you two. Freak you are such an awesome kick ass chick & crank you are a rock solid guy.


hey, thanks Baby, thats real nice, thanks 



> My response to him was "Actually I thought he was quite nice", then I went back to the dance floor and shook my thing


:smthumbup:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> And I have no intention of hopping back into the dating pool. The next few years are all about me & my kids. Anything else wouldn't be fair on any of us. I do need fun & lots of time to heal myself.
> Maybe after 5 years a hot & sexy man would be nice though.. LOL


I am actually meeting a lady for a coffee tonight, not dating, making new friends, female as well as male, expanding my links.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> I am actually meeting a lady for a coffee tonight, not dating, making new friends, female as well as male, expanding my links.


And you're going to post me dinner  hehe


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> I am actually meeting a lady for a coffee tonight, not dating, making new friends, female as well as male, expanding my links.


Awesome! I think we all need to really focus on ourselves right now & have a good time with friends. Take care of ourselves.
I am going out to lunch St Patricks day with a friend. Looking forward to it.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> And you're going to post me dinner  hehe


, sorry, I ate it, it was nice though


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Awesome! I think we all need to really focus on ourselves right now & have a good time with friends. Take care of ourselves.
> I am going out to lunch St Patricks day with a friend. Looking forward to it.


Selfish isin't it, and about time too I might add, 'ME' time.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> HAHA I just love you two. Freak you are such an awesome kick ass chick & crank you are a rock solid guy.
> 
> My response to him was "Actually I thought he was quite nice", then I went back to the dance floor and shook my thing


:smthumbup: GOOD comeback! :rofl:

Thanks for the compliment!  Too bad you don't live up in these parts. We'd have such a GREAT time! The town I live in is one of the hottest, hippest places to be at on the Jersey Shore. It would be so freakin 'awesome! 

If you ever come up this way let me know! That goes for all of you. :smthumbup:


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> I am actually meeting a lady for a coffee tonight, not dating, making new friends, female as well as male, expanding my links.


:smthumbup: That's GREAT! It doesn't have to mean dating or whatever. It's nice just to hang out and chat and have a good time!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> I think we all need to really focus on ourselves right now & have a good time with friends. Take care of ourselves.


You've just described my weekend career.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :smthumbup: That's GREAT! It doesn't have to mean dating or whatever. It's nice just to hang out and chat and have a good time!


exactly, which all I would like at this stage, not after a relationship, am yet to get over the one I have been in for the last 20+ years !


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :smthumbup: GOOD comeback! :rofl:
> 
> Thanks for the compliment!  Too bad you don't live up in these parts. We'd have such a GREAT time! The town I live in is one of the hottest, hippest places to be at on the Jersey Shore. It would be so freakin 'awesome!
> 
> If you ever come up this way let me know! That goes for all of you. :smthumbup:


Well then I am coming to visit you some weekend. I live in NY about 90 miles north of the city.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :smthumbup: GOOD comeback! :rofl:
> 
> Thanks for the compliment!  Too bad you don't live up in these parts. We'd have such a GREAT time! The town I live in is one of the hottest, hippest places to be at on the Jersey Shore. It would be so freakin 'awesome!
> 
> If you ever come up this way let me know! That goes for all of you. :smthumbup:


Im gonna start saving! Im coming too! lol xx


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> HAHA yes he did notice & as soon as I walked off the dance floor my husband came over to me & told me he didn't like that guy.


Haha. Do you love it or what?

Glad you are taking positive steps in your life.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> Well then I am coming to visit you some weekend. I live in NY about 90 miles north of the city.


Seriously? Why did I think you lived down south? I think I have you mixed up with someone else. It might be Vivea. :scratchhead:

Hellyeah! I'm about 90 miles SOUTH of NYC! Come on down. Everyone comes to the shore on the weekends! :rofl: I think I have my PM turned on here. Just PM me if you get the urge to head south. I'm serious. 

AmImad, if you can swing it, you can come too! You all can! :smthumbup:


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> exactly, which all I would like at this stage, not after a relationship, am yet to get over the one I have been in for the last 20+ years !


Smart man! It's always good to have friends and to get out and have fun!


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

I talked to our MC today & told her what was going on as he doesn't want to go back. She said yes because he doesn't have the guts to face people & tell them what he has done. 

So she told me to give him enough rope to hang himself, let him stew a bit & do not give him the easy option out of his responsibilities by divorcing him. She said just serve him with legal separation papers, as basically right now I am getting way more money off him than he would need to give me if we were divorced.

She said he just wants an easy out. Don't give it to him. Let him realize exactly what he has done. 

Thoughts?

Oh and am talking to lawyer tomorrow afternoon about doing the official separation papers. Want to make sure he keeps paying health insurance & I get my weekly $$ from him (before he spends it on dirty weekends away... or beer)


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

I am surprised the MC gave that advice.
I take it the MC is less than impressed with your H !!!

Mind you, I do agree with your MC


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> I talked to our MC today & told her what was going on as he doesn't want to go back. She said yes because he doesn't have the guts to face people & tell them what he has done.
> 
> So she told me to give him enough rope to hang himself, let him stew a bit & do not give him the easy option out of his responsibilities by divorcing him. She said just serve him with legal separation papers, as basically right now I am getting way more money off him than he would need to give me if we were divorced.
> 
> ...


Hmm..smart move. With my husband it's rum and cigarettes. At the rate he's going he'll be broke soon and I'll be lucky if I'm not sending HIM support. :slap: 

I'm beginning to think that this "official" route may be the way I"ll have to go, in light of my husband's irrational and unpredictable behavior as of late and the need to assure that the kids are taken care of. I'm resenting that I'm paying for EVERYTHING while he sits on the porch drinking, smoking, passing out and forgetting to even pick up our son. 

I have the same thing with the health insurance. I don't get weekly money. He's paid for stuff in the past but he seems less generous as of late. I hate to get down and dirty, I'd rather keep it cordial and friendly but there are "issues" that are coming up. My son needs braces, for one..

So I'm starting to think that at least looking into certain options might be a good idea. I take it you had to hire a lawyer? Doesn't this cost a good deal of money? These are the things I know nothing about...:scratchhead:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I take it you had to hire a lawyer? Doesn't this cost a good deal of money? These are the things I know nothing about...:scratchhead:



Only good thing about being unemployed is I qualified for Legal Aid, meaning I have almost zero legal bills (maybe $50)


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> So I'm starting to think that at least looking into certain options might be a good idea. I take it you had to hire a lawyer? Doesn't this cost a good deal of money? These are the things I know nothing about...:scratchhead:



I have my friends husband who is a divorce lawyer in Manhattan. He will work for me pro bono. I am going to talk to him this afternoon about my options. 
My friend told me he said I could sue the company & the other woman as long as I had proof that they were carrying on an affair & he has been working more hours than what is normal. But I need access to his email to get that.

The work emails can be subpoenad. But if they have deleted the emails will they still show up on the company server??


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> I am surprised the MC gave that advice.
> I take it the MC is less than impressed with your H !!!
> 
> Mind you, I do agree with your MC


She has known us for years. She is our kids doctor, so she said she was willing to cut him some slack for losing control of himself because of everything that happened with our son. But this... no way.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You are very lucky to have someone who will do it for you pro bono! Awesome!!! 

No clue on whether the emails will show up or not...


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> She has known us for years. She is our kids doctor, so she said she was willing to cut him some slack for losing control of himself because of everything that happened with our son. But this... no way.


well, that explains that then


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