# Unconditional love?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

What is it, and how does it apply to marriage?

All I've learnt in marriage thus far about unconditional love is:









Sure, if my wife and I do go our seperate ways she will always have a place in my heart, but just like my first gf before her - it will no longer be love. Just respect.

There's in love and there's love. If love is a choice and it's meant to be unconditional, how can we be expected to make the hard decisions such as divorce? How can we stand up to our spouses acting up? How can we put a foot down and stop being a doormat?

The whole concept of unconditional love was really full of butterflies and rainbows back in the day, but at present... meh. Thoughts?


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

> What is it, and how does it apply to marriage?


Unconditional love is mythical creature; you have to give something to get something. Even parents expect something from their children. 
Since it doesnt exist, hence no application.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I agree with coffee "you have to give something to get something". Unconditional love works as long as you are being loved unconditionally! lol The holy grail maybe.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> What is it, and how does it apply to marriage?


I do NOT believe in Unconditional Love in Marriage.. never seen my thread on this Random >> 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ve-unconditional-love-what-does-mean-you.html

These articles make the most sense to me >>



> But unconditional love seems wrong to me, although it sounds beautiful, I feel it can be MASSIVELY abused by some unscrupulous spouses, like...."here I am, look at me, the doormat". I just don't agree with it.
> 
> Neither does many Marraige counselors - Marriage Builders does not.
> 
> ...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

In my opinion "Unconditional Love" is an unhealthy state of mind as it requires no boundaries. I will love you no matter what is a statement of servitude that will likely lead to abuse of the freedom given. A few years ago I wrote the attached thread about the kinds of love. While I don't believe in Unconditional Love I do believe in Agape Love and used it during a period of our marriage where things simply needed to be stabilized from the chaos we were in. In a sense it was a way to protect myself from getting hurt and just "Hang on" to the marriage. In another it was a set strategy to "Take one for the team" and put my own needs behind hers and those of my children. In reflection it was both a period of enablement and leadership which now seem contradictory. The most interesting thing I found when I read Wheat's book was that it could be turned on and off. And in my case that's exactly what I did. I think I used it for 6 - 8 months then moved on force a more interactive relationship with my wife. At this point in time we are very much in a state of Phileo love and very happy in the marriage and our relationship with each other.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/3991-five-kinds-love.html


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> What is it, and how does it apply to marriage?
> 
> All I've learnt in marriage thus far about unconditional love is:
> 
> ...


Unconditional love doesn't exist and truthfully the idea terrifies me


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

I dont believe unconditional love exists. It shouldnt exist within a marriage for the reasons stated by Amp. No boundaries required. I think the closest I can imagine ever coming to "unconditional" is with my children and even then "unconditional" is exactly true. I want/expect their love in return. However, I believe my spouse can kill my love for him and Im not sure my children could ever completely do so. Even when Im at my wits end with them, I'd take a bullet for them.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

I absolutely believe in unconditional love. You can choose to love someone and not like or accept certain things but love them anyway. It is not a permission for anything goes and doesn't mean you will tolerate bad behavior but that you love them anyway. Just because you love unconditionally does not mean its forever


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Unconditional love to me means I love someone without feeling the need to change them. This is not to be confused with MY boundaries. MY boundaries have to do with love for myself.

For example I unconditionally love my husband but if he cheats on me I love him enough to let him go. I will with love in my heart send him on his way with my blessing. 

Yes I actually do love him that much.


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Well said mavash


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

tacoma said:


> Unconditional love doesn't exist and truthfully the idea terrifies me


word.
i also like how Massive Attack put it : 'Love' is a doing word.
saying 'unconditional love' is like 'doing something without purpose because no reason for doing it', that's kinda absurd, yes?

why'd you do that (love)? what's your motive? (no motive? really? not even simply wanting acceptance,or comfort?) why you love this certain person? (no reason? really?).

see, there's no unconditional love. it better be 'i love you and i lobe you' than just plain 'i love you unconditionally'. it's just..absurd.

but if we're going back to its origin, 'love' ~ lubhyati (sanskrit) = desire.
so, unconditional desire, then.sounds like one night stand with some random dude/dudette that is incredibly hot (to our personal preference, of course). 



> how does it apply to marriage?


one night stand is applicable to marriage?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

stopandmakecoffee said:


> word.
> i also like how Massive Attack put it : 'Love' is a doing word.
> saying 'unconditional love' is like 'doing something without purpose because no reason for doing it', that's kinda absurd, yes?
> 
> ...




So we will do whatever it takes because we desire someone? We will forgive anything? We will accept the consequences?

Then what is left is only deciding what is "right or good" and what is "wrong or bad"? What are the guidelines?


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> So we will do whatever it takes because we desire someone? We will forgive anything? We will accept the consequences?
> 
> Then what is left is only deciding what is "right or good" and what is "wrong or bad"? What are the guidelines?


no, we don't 
my previous post was more like rhetorical. we don't do all those things for desire because it's not worth it.

but to answer your question, regarding 'unconditional love' in its sentimental definition [to love him/her for who he/she is], there are no guidelines. each for everyone to define what is right or what is wrong. but that's just me


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I think you can love someone unconditionally as in hope the best for them always but you cant have an "unconditional" relationships.Well I guess you can but that leaves room for all kinds of dysfunction to go unchecked.

Its like "forgiveness" which in the Christian belief system is pretty much a deal breaker.But that doesn't mean you trust let alone associate with those you forgive .

Hope that makes sense.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

stopandmakecoffee said:


> no, we don't
> my previous post was more like rhetorical. we don't do all those things for desire because it's not worth it.
> 
> but to answer your question, regarding 'unconditional love' in its sentimental definition [to love him/her for who he/she is], there are no guidelines. each for everyone to define what is right or what is wrong. but that's just me


Thank you. My questions were also slightly rhetorical. I was thinking aloud and hoping for other thoughts.

I have a guideline other than my own definitions. I can only try to meet my understanding of them. You have answered them(my questions) honestly and I appreciate that. 

Last sentence edited for clarity.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

If love is "unconditional" then how can it also be we "teach people how to treat us"?It cant be both.Maybe how we love ourselves /expect to be loved is "unconditional"?(love as in actions )


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> If love is "unconditional" then how can it also be we "teach people how to treat us"?It cant be both.


I think this falls under boundaries which is yes self love.

I know it's hard to explain and it took me 20 years to get here but I do love my husband unconditionally. That does not mean however that I'm going to allow him to treat me badly. Unconditional love does not mean doormat. I love my kids unconditionally too but I'm certainly not going to allow them to disrespect or walk all over me. 

I think people are confusing boundaries with loving someone with conditions. My husband doesn't have to DO anything to get me to love him I just do. Now if suddenly he decided to quit working, quit being affectionate, take up drugs or OW I'd still love him but I'd have to love him from afar as these things aren't okay with me. Boundaries not conditions.

A condition would be like the thread where the woman wanted her boyfriend to be something he wasn't so she would have feelings for him aka she wanted him to CHANGE who he was. That's a condition not a boundary.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I think this falls under boundaries which is yes self love.
> 
> I know it's hard to explain and it took me 20 years to get here but I do love my husband unconditionally. That does not mean however that I'm going to allow him to treat me badly. Unconditional love does not mean doormat. I love my kids unconditionally too but I'm certainly not going to allow them to disrespect or walk all over me.
> 
> ...


HMM...part of loving someone is teaching them how to love you in a sense?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> HMM...part of loving someone is teaching them how to love you in a sense?


If you love yourself this is a non issue. Once you have this then loving others freely comes easily. You see through them and are able to love them AS IS without conditions.

But yes you do train people how to treat you. This falls under again boundaries.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> If you love yourself this is a non issue. Once you have this then loving others freely comes easily. You see through them and are able to love them AS IS without conditions.
> 
> But yes you do train people how to treat you. This falls under again boundaries.


Interesting..its reminding me of a documentary (made for T.V)I watched recently about MLK's wife (Corina) and Malcom X's wife Betty..Betty in specific..How she understood and "forgave" and accepted one of her daughters all the way to being basically burned alive by her grandson /that daughters child.She loved all the way...Inspirational..I could only hope to have that much love ...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

The person I admire here for having unconditional love for her husband is that_girl. Truly an amazing story. As messed up as he is she loves him. She loves him enough to let him go, to let him hit rock bottom, and yet is able to live with him largely peacefully everyday despite likely heading for divorce.

She gets this concept and I admire her for that. I tried to find the link where she talks about the love she has for him while NOT enabling but I can't find it now.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> The person I admire here for having unconditional love for her husband is that_girl. Truly an amazing story. As messed up as he is she loves him. She loves him enough to let him go, to let him hit rock bottom, and yet is able to live with him largely peacefully everyday despite likely heading for divorce.
> 
> She gets this concept and I admire her for that. I tried to find the link where she talks about the love she has for him while NOT enabling but I can't find it now.


Thats O.K I get it..Betty never enabled her daughter or grandson either..she pretty much lived by example.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm =/

Plenty of different viewpoints, carry on. My brain is absorbing but is yet unable to reach personal consensus, but it seems that unconditional love has different definitions. Unconditional love without enabling?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm =/
> 
> Plenty of different viewpoints, carry on. My brain is absorbing but is yet unable to reach personal consensus, but it seems that unconditional love has different definitions. Unconditional love without enabling?


Love is not without discipline I guess you could say.Guess you could even say requires a lot of it.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> If love is "unconditional" then how can it also be we "teach people how to treat us"?It cant be both.Maybe how we love ourselves /expect to be loved is "unconditional"?(love as in actions )


A mother's love for her child is the closest thing I can come to that is unconditional as an example. She loves her child no matter what their physical, emotional or mental state. How can she love beyond reasoning? What is her pay-off? What is the greatest sacrifice a mother could give for her child? This, I believe, as humans is as close an example as we can get to "unconditional love".


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> A mother's love for her child is the closest thing I can come to that is unconditional as an example. She loves her child no matter what their physical, emotional or mental state. How can she love beyond reasoning? What is her pay-off? What is the greatest sacrifice a mother could give for her child? This, I believe, as humans is as close an example as we can get to "unconditional love".


I agree..accept I think "some" can have that "type" of love for a spouse for whatever reason.Or a friend..or a sister..etc.We are capable of it...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> I agree..accept I think "some" can have that "type" of love for a spouse for whatever reason.Or a friend..or a sister..etc.We are capable of it...


I agree with this.

Edit: A thought came to me. Why would we believe it is not possible to have nearly unconditional love for our spouses, if mothers can have it for their children? Rhetorical


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> A mother's love for her child is the closest thing I can come to that is unconditional as an example. She loves her child no matter what their physical, emotional or mental state. How can she love beyond reasoning? What is her pay-off? What is the greatest sacrifice a mother could give for her child? This, I believe, as humans is as close an example as we can get to "unconditional love".


And TBH I believe its a raw form of narcissism.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> And TBH I believe its a raw form of narcissism.


By pure definition, I agree, since there is no logic to unconditional love.

Edit: What makes love narcissistic? Is it the feeling we have or the expression of that love? What expressions are narcissistic? The ones which are unwanted? We cannot show our love other than by action, correct? I'd be interested in reading your opinion. It may clarify a little more for me.

Edit2: I hope no one takes this to mean I think the Creator is a narcissist. Not what I am conveying. I believe the difference is whether we want the expressions of love. When we don't, what happens when we die? We are not forced to love. We have a choice. The same principal applies.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> And TBH I believe its a raw form of narcissism.


It's a raw form of something for sure because in this case the mother's needs are set aside for the child. I wouldn't recommend doing that for a spouse barring extreme circumstances like a valid illness like cancer, or injury.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

The description of love, from the Bible: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
How many of you do you love your spouses the way above? I bet very few...it's always conditional : I love you if you love me. I Love you if you treat me well. I love you if you are faithul to me. I love you if you meet my needs and my expectations. This is not love, this is a trade. If it's a trade, is not unconditional, thus, it is not pure love...
I love my H THAT way, and have loved him for a long time before being together. I had no expectations from him. Was happy to see him smile only, it would brighten my day. I would have done anything for him- unconditionally. The fact that we got together is a result of such love...he says he loves me for my heart and capacity of love not just for my physique. 
I would always love him, even if he left me or did something wrong. I refrain from telling this to him but it is how I feel. It may not be the healthiest form of love as you tend to grow oblivious of your own needs to satisfy smeone else's...it is rare that spouses love eachother this way. Agape Love...that is usually a mother's love for her child, a dog's love for his owner. It is a very rare gem, hard to understand for most humans...


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

You forgot the part about love is not "easily angered"//


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

No, it is there 
I should've highlighted "It is not easily angered".."it is not proud".."it is not self-seeking"..."it doesn't keep record of wrongs"...but hey..if we all loved like that, we would have no forum to read


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hortensia said:


> No, it is there
> I should've highlighted "It is not easily angered".."it is not proud".."it is not self-seeking"..."it doesn't keep record of wrongs"...but hey..if we all loved like that, we would have no forum to read


This kind of love allows freedom. We do what we want and the consequences are ours. We choose to accept or reject it. It doesn't change the fact that we are loved. No mere mortal can live up to the love you have described. We can only strive to this perfection.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> You forgot the part about love is not "easily angered"//


??


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Hortensia said:


> No, it is there
> I should've highlighted "It is not easily angered".."it is not proud".."it is not self-seeking"..."it doesn't keep record of wrongs"...but hey..if we all loved like that, we would have no forum to read


HA HA HA HA!!!!! No lie!!!!


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Love is not "easily angered" I find interesting..its not "love is NEVER /not angered" its "easily...

Hmmmm....


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Love is not "easily angered" I find interesting..its not "love is NEVER /not angered" its "easily...
> 
> Hmmmm....


Thank you. Makes sense now. Anger can be good. Depends on how it's used and expressed.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Thank you. Makes sense now. Anger can be good. Depends on how it's used and expressed.



lympic1:


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Well, it is impossible to NEVER get angry...it's part of being human 
And yes, this type of love gives freedom. 
I give him the freedom to stay or leave. Would never try to use kids, assets, emotional blackmail, and other stuff to make him stay. I do my best to please him, but I want him to be happy...and if to be happy would mean being with someone else, I would suffer, but I would let him go. And I would still love him. (Of course, I keep these thoughts to myself..don't want to give him green light. )
I give him freedom in many ways...freedom to spend time with his family and friends, to have his own thoughts, space when he needs it...So many spouses keep their match in a tight leash...and when they escape, we read the cry of a new BS. Love is freedom, understanding, support, and not the least...forgiveness. At least that's how I view it


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> What is it, and how does it apply to marriage?
> 
> All I've learnt in marriage thus far about unconditional love is:
> 
> ...


I don't think unconditional love can exist in a marriage. In other relationships I think it can be possible. With children and even siblings, it is possible.


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Thank you. My questions were also slightly rhetorical. I was thinking aloud and hoping for other thoughts.
> 
> I have a guideline other than my own definitions. I can only try to meet my understanding of them. You have answered them(my questions) honestly and I appreciate that.
> 
> Last sentence edited for clarity.


2ntnuf, ah you and your mind, i can relate 

reading your later posts, like these : 


> Thank you. Makes sense now. Anger can be good. Depends on how it's used and expressed.


to us it's good. to the 'object' of our love at that certain moment when we feel the anger, it is not. to him/her, that is bad. it's torture, manipulation, whatever they could think of. i guess the term of 'good' (and 'bad'), again falls in the shadows. if it is good, it has to be good for both parties; at any given moment. this, if you believe that 'good' is something absolute and/or solid. and i assume you do because you clearly stated a need for a guideline. 

my point is, everything is relative, everything cannot be strictly defined as one rule applies to all. therefore i stated 'each for everyone'  
i.e : a pretty slender blond girl could be good for you, but not for me since im a girl. or, a talk active person is good for Mr.Doe but not for me.

IMHO, even if we try to put a 'thinking frame' (extra and personal guidelines, i guess. outside the laws and acceptable social norms) to the term of 'unconditional love', doesn't it make it unconditional love _with_ conditions? to me, if there's any unconditional love, it should be no conditions at all, no guidelines at all, just love love love give give give until nothing is left, and that, to me, equals to suicide attempt. no human is capable of doing that (or there is, but what a poor thing). mothers to their children, for the least the mother will expect the child to smile, to hug her, to clean up their room, to do their homework, and so on. it's not unconditional. everything in humans' world comes with terms & conditions. that's what makes our society works.

and there's no perfect love either, IMHO. perfect is nonexistent as well. perfect is just inhuman i guess.

sorry if i talk in gibberish, im trying my best to describe it  english isn't my first language ^^

just my thought, 2ntnuf


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

Hortensia said:


> Agape Love... a dog's love for his owner. It is a very rare gem.


:iagree:
humans cannot do it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm, perhaps 1 Corinthian love/biblical unconditional love is only possible when both partners are on the same boat. As marriage and relationships are not one-streets realisticly it's just too much to expect no?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Hmmm, perhaps 1 Corinthian love/biblical unconditional love is only possible when both partners are on the same boat. As marriage and relationships are not one-streets realisticly it's just too much to expect no?


Many things in the Bible are things to aspire to become. Many of these guidelines to live by are either impossible or nearly impossible. That is why we are forgiven. Most cannot ever be that perfect person, so we need forgiveness because we will never be 'worthy' of the reward that awaits after we leave this world.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

stopandmakecoffee said:


> 2ntnuf, ah you and your mind, i can relate
> 
> reading your later posts, like these :
> 
> ...



Thank you for your thoughts.

Edit: I've confused myself now. LOL


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

I truly believed unconditional love was real.

Until she cheated on me.

Then I was left with nothing but conditions.


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## Ignis (Feb 16, 2013)

stopandmakecoffee said:


> Unconditional love is mythical creature; you have to give something to get something. Even parents expect something from their children.
> Since it doesnt exist, hence no application.


What do you mean mythical creature? I agree that we are not capable of unconditional love, but I believe also that someone above us (or in us) is capable of it. So, we have to let Him do His job


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

Ignis said:


> What do you mean mythical creature? I agree that we are not capable of unconditional love, but I believe also that someone above us (or in us) is capable of it. So, we have to let Him do His job


well, having that being said, i guess im not going to proceed even further to biblical talk. i respect your faith, and faith is something i really dont want to talk about


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

How much do we really love our spouses? I give some examples of questions I answer with "Yes" at...yes, I truly love him that much..so ask yourselves:

Imagine your spouse had a contagious disease and is in a quarantine, feeling lonely and forgotten. Would you go and spend time with them, caress them, cheer them up, bring them what they need, hug them tight?

If your spouse needed a heart transplant and you were a matching donor, would you give them your heart? Would you give your life for theirs?

Imagine you are in a movie-like life danger. You can run, but your spouse is injured and can't. Would you stay with them, hug them tight and choose to die together, rather than run for your life and leave them there?

I think if you can honestly answer "yes" to the above questions, you are capable of unconditional love too.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

[QUOTEIf your spouse needed a heart transplant and you were a matching donor, would you give them your heart? Would you give your life for theirs?][/QUOTE]

That depends..Maybe I would maybe i wouldnt but not a "blanket " yes." And I dont think that makes me unloving or bad.I would consider many things not he lives I die .I guess I worry about more things than "proving " my love to my spouse..I don't know..


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Of course it doesn't make you unloving or bad. But question is, how deep is our love? how unconditional?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Not eveyone is cut from the same cloth. We cannot all stomach the same things. I knew a guy when I was a teenager who passed out at the sight of his own blood. He would be no good in certain situations. Does that make him a bad person? Is he less of a man?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Not eveyone is cut from the same cloth. We cannot all stomach the same things. I knew a guy when I was a teenager who passed out at the sight of his own blood. He would be no good in certain situations. Does that make him a bad person? Is he less of a man?



Nope.Not a bad person.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Hortensia said:


> Of course it doesn't make you unloving or bad. But question is, how deep is our love? how unconditional?


Jefferson Starship Count On Me - YouTube





SKIP AD!!!


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Def not a bad person. We all have weaknesses. I have stated that in extreme situations like above, I would give my life for him. 
But, per say, I would be caught by an enemy and subjected to torture to say something compromising that I know about him...against my own will and choice, I surely would say...I can't cope well with physical pain ( my weakness ). This doesn't mean I don't love him, or I am bad...so, got your point about blood


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Just realized today I've been with my husband for half of my life. Easier to have unconditional love after this much time seeing as there are no huge problems. Kwim?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Just realized today I've been with my husband for half of my life. Easier to have unconditional love after this much time seeing as there are no huge problems. Kwim?


Yep Im 45 and been "with mine" since 14..married since 20.So actually more than half my life.

But no I still dont exactly KWYM.About "unconditional".:scratchhead:


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## brokin4hymn (Feb 22, 2013)

Unconditional love is a Spirit. His name is Jesus Christ within. Unfortunately many many who profess to be possessed by this Spirit are delusional at best. Yet unconditional love does acknowledge the others freedom to leave or participate sexually with another, in which case you would acknowledge the betrayal and do the paperwork.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Hortensia said:


> Imagine your spouse had a contagious disease and is in a quarantine, feeling lonely and forgotten. Would you go and spend time with them, caress them, cheer them up, bring them what they need, hug them tight?


No, I have children who would lose both parents that way.
That's a condition.



> If your spouse needed a heart transplant and you were a matching donor, would you give them your heart? Would you give your life for theirs?


If I felt my spouse was the best parent to raise my kid into adulthood yes, I would.
That's a condition though.



> Imagine you are in a movie-like life danger. You can run, but your spouse is injured and can't. Would you stay with them, hug them tight and choose to die together, rather than run for your life and leave them there?


Here's the thing.
When you have kids someone must get out alive or the kids are screwed.
Conditions.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Assuming you don't have kids. It's just you and your SO.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

I just finished reading an older thread on the subject. It threw a new light on the perspective and I just realized what we were talking on this one, we were confusing the UNCONDITIONAL love with INDESTRUCTIBLE love. 

For example, it is often that we love someone who doesn't love us back. An unrequitted love can last very long. We know that person doesn't love us, but we can't help the love we feel for them. We want to help with everything we can, see them happy, and just stick around them. We would die for them, we would kill for them, we would humiliate ourselves for them, without asking for anything. That's unconditional love.
I recently saw the movie Hitachi - A dog's tale...the dog still waiting in vain for the deceased master 10 years after he died. Unconditional love...I think I would cry for my husband for the rest of my life if he died. 
We can be in a relationship with a SO that treats us poorly, cheat on us, and we still feel that we love them and don't want to leave them. 
Unconditional love or Agape -yes, it's possible.

But unconditional love IS NOT INDESTRUCTIBLE : I may forgive affairs. I may forgive abuse. I may forgive lies. I may be the worst doormat. But somewhere, there must be the limit, even for the most tolerant, unconditional love. Like, if he killed my mother, or my children, if he took out my eyes, that would destroy the love. My love has been unconditional, but DESTRUCTIBLE. (Even the dog in the story, if the owner beat the tail out of him, if he tortured him, starved him, tore up its paws, that would destroy even that strong, faithful love a dog is capable of )

Time may be another factor that destroys love. Let's say he cheated, I can't get over it and I divorce. In my heart though, I may still love him like crazy. I love him unconditionally, regardless of the betrayal .Will I still love him like crazy in 5 years after the divorce ? As it is a very intense love, perhaps. But eventually, in 7, 10, 20 years, whatever, at a certain point in time the love may die. The passing of time can destroy it ( even for couples that are still together). It doesn't mean it has not been an unconditional love, it just has been destructible.

A different way to think about it.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

There is only one unconditional love in my world and that is for my daughter. Even if she murdered someone I'd love her even if I hated what she did. Everyone else I love, that love can be lost.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

How about if she murdered another person that you love ? Another child of yours, or your parents, or if she beat you to leaving you disabled? These are extreme scenarios that are sure to kill love. You may not realize now, and say that you would still love her, but I'm pretty sure if they were real you wouldn't feel the same. It doesn't mean your love has not been genuine until that point.


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