# Men never seem interested in me



## nietzo (Feb 21, 2018)

I feel so sad, never dated anyone or had a boyfriend in my life before at the age of 22. 5’4 and 120 lbs. I haven’t tried online dating before but whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me, and it just makes me feel like I am ugly-like why can’t I get dates or find someone to even like me?


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Probably because you have high standards.
If that is the case, keep them up. You will find someone that is worth your everything.
I hope I am right. Good luck.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I don't know but 5'4" at 120 sounds hot to me.

Are you butch or very plain? Maybe a different hair style or nicer cloths?

Maybe being more outgoing and smiling more. 

Better posture. Make sure your breath is good.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Are you female or male?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How old are you? How do you like to dress daily? Are you a male or female? What are your hobbies? Answers to these questions may shed some light as to why you are not attracting individuals.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You talk about men not the street not paying attention to you.

What about the young men your age who are around you. For example did you know any guys in your high school? Did you interact with them?

Are you in school now or do you have a job? What about the men where in you school/job? Do you talk to any of them?

Do you have any female friends? If so tell us about your best 2 friends. Give an idea about your social life with them.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

nietzo said:


> ..... whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me .....


I thought that was the correct behavior for men these days..... In any case, you could probably walk around dressed to kill, to remedy that situation if that's what you really want. You may not get the best guys that way however.


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## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

nietzo said:


> whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me


Men have been conditioned to NEVER approach a random woman in the street lest they are called a creep (or much, much worse). Many men have taken this so much to heart that they won't even LOOK at a woman unless they are sure she can't tell they are looking.

My advice is to hang out in places where it's OK and expected for men to hit on strangers, like bars.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

22 years old, 5'4 120 lbs? Even if your face is very plain plenty of men would give you attention. Youth can make most women attractive.

I would guess you're either ignoring all the men you think are beneath your standards, or you're socially inept and unable to pick up on queues that a guy is interested.


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## Txquail (Feb 21, 2018)

Thank the feminist movement.

1. A single guy is told at work that if any woman claims (no proof) sexual harrassment, he'll be terminated.

2. This #metoo crap. Yes bad things happen but if women claiming #metoo because a guy asks them out, well they just stop.

3. You could be extremely hot but the guys are going to think youll reject them. Have you thought about asking a guy out?? Guys do like that.

4. Meet guys at school, bars, churches and or hobby groups.

5. Get your friends to set you up with a boyfriends brother or friend.

6. Dont have the millionare/six pack athletic date only rule.

Whatever you do, DO NOT go out with a married man. I know you feel alone but dont do it.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Txquail said:


> Thank the feminist movement.
> 
> 1. A single guy is told at work that if any woman claims (no proof) sexual harrassment, he'll be terminated.
> 
> ...


Vampires. Don't forget vampires. Sparkles optional.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

nietzo said:


> I feel so sad, never dated anyone or had a boyfriend in my life before at the age of 22. 5’4 and 120 lbs. I haven’t tried online dating before but whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me, and it just makes me feel like I am ugly-like why can’t I get dates or find someone to even like me?


You sound very much like my daughter. Only exception is my daughter is very petite and just creasted 100 pounds at age 22. She too felt like no guys were interested. On the contrary, many are interested but did not approach for a date as they felt she would say no. Eventually one did ask and another and another. You just sit tight...there will one that just needs to ask no matter if he may be rejected or welcomed to date you.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Tell us a little bit about your day-to-day life. Job, activities, friends?

Most men who will just approach you on the street and hit on you are not desireable men. Trust me.

If you just want men to hit on you, you can sleaze up your dressing and go to a meat market bar, but you're not going to find a quality partner there, you're just going to find a one-night stand.


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## nietzo (Feb 21, 2018)

This is OP. I am female. I am in college and I will graduate by the end of this year. I do not work but so far in classes and joining a few organizations, no guy has taken interest in me or asked me out. I just feel so ignored by men.


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## Txquail (Feb 21, 2018)

nietzo said:


> This is OP. I am female. I am in college and I will graduate by the end of this year. I do not work but so far in classes and joining a few organizations, no guy has taken interest in me or asked me out. I just feel so ignored by men.


Start flirting with guys in class your interested in. Heck when I was in college I had on girl ask me to help her with her studies. Its hard not to talk to each other. I ended up dating that girl a while. It was a great move on her part to let me know in a round about way she was interested in me.

Trust me, you can make it happen

Stop being shy


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

nietzo said:


> This is OP. I am female. I am in college and I will graduate by the end of this year. I do not work but so far in classes and joining a few organizations, no guy has taken interest in me or asked me out. I just feel so ignored by men.


Once you meet the basic attractiveness requirement, the rest is personality. If you have good grooming, wear typical clothing, and are cheerful you should attract men.

I would start with socializing. A lot. Just talk to men at school. If you're in the library and there's a student working the desk, just strike up a brief conversation. The goal is just to interact a bit. If you're in line at the cafeteria, just make a comment to the guy in front or behind you. There's no plan to get a date with the guy, just to get comfortable chatting. Even just saying hello to men. If a guy holds a door for you, say thanks and give a smile.

There's a possible issue of you seeming desperate or seeking approval. This is a problem for men and I presume it could be true for a woman. So don't jump into an existing conversation or always agree with the other person. What I'm trying to get at is if you come across as wishy washy or like you're trying to get attention.

Success begets success. When guys see you talking with other guys, they will notice it and judge you as friendly.

Do you know anyone you really trust at school? Alternatively would be a sister of yours not at school. You have to really trust this person. Ask them. Ask them if you have bad breath or body odor, or bad teeth or a bad complexion. Ask them if you come across as cold, hostile, anti-male, or angry. Ask if you do anything which might turn guys off before you even talk to them. Ask if you come across as desperate or wishy washy. Someone who knows you in real life can give you honest answers.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

How do you wear your hair? Extremely long? Extremely short? Shoulder length, with or without bangs? What color? Dye colors, like bright pink or purple? Dreadlocks?

I don’t see much reason to ask many questions until a dialogue is established.

Welcome back!

I am a guy who wasn’t shy in school. All I can say after my questions is what I looked for, as far as looks went.

I am known for being brutally honest, so I won’t participate if you don’t show an interest in knowing what one alpha wolf looked for before approaching a girl.

I notice a lot of the advice is how to gain attention after a guy is engaging in conversation with you. I got the impression from your Original Post your hope is to discover how to get a guy to seek to initiate a conversation with you.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

WilliamM said:


> I am known for being brutally honest, so I won’t participate if you don’t show an interest in knowing what one alpha wolf looked for before approaching a girl.
> 
> I notice a lot of the advice is how to gain attention after a guy is engaging in conversation with you. I got the impression from your Original Post your hope is to discover how to get a guy to seek to initiate a conversation with you.


I'd like to know. 

This thread resonated with me - I'm very socially awkward. I even considered being tested for HFA. I know how to smile and be polite, but I don't really know how to flirt. And when men are friendly to me, I assume they're just being friendly.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

When I was 22, I was much like you, but waaaay too skinny (5' 3-ish" and 100lbs). And, I was painfully shy. I opened up quite a bit in college, and befriended some males in my class, but that's mostly because I feel more comfortable being "one of the guys" than all girly. So, it didn't really garner me any dates. My advice to you: relax and be you. No one can do that better than you! If you're shy and feel uncomfortable approaching guys, no worries. But, if one catches your eye, or approaches you, be pleasant and be sure to smile, which is probably the best accessory that we can wear.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Post a photo, if you're allowed to, and we can give you some makeover suggestions. I doubt that guys aren't interested in you--you might just not be reading them right. Many men have very low standards. Age 22 and 120 lbs. is usually more than enough qualification. What happens when you walk past a construction site or landscaping job?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Ursula said:


> be pleasant and be sure to smile, which is probably the best accessory that we can wear.


Very true, and they're free.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

nietzo said:


> This is OP. I am female. I am in college and I will graduate by the end of this year. I do not work but so far in classes and joining a few organizations, no guy has taken interest in me or asked me out. I just feel so ignored by men.


Are you autistic or fall in the aspergers range?

I'm not sure why you think that men who you see in public and pass on the street should be approaching you and asking you out. That's not how to works... men who do this are usually just creeps. 

Instead there is a 'flirting game' that goes on between men and women. It's very subtle and some people have a problem with recognizing this and knowing how it works. Here are two books that talk about it and that I think would help you figure out how to attract the men you want to attract without either just expecting men to show interest in you when you show none in them, or the other extreme of hitting them over the head with a club and dragging them off to your cave.

Basically, men want women to give them a subtle clue that they (the woman) is interested. Until a woman does not, most men will not approach a woman.

*Men are from Mars, women are from Venus* by John Gray

*Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship* by John Gray


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## nietzo (Feb 21, 2018)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Post a photo, if you're allowed to, and we can give you some makeover suggestions. I doubt that guys aren't interested in you--you might just not be reading them right. Many men have very low standards. Age 22 and 120 lbs. is usually more than enough qualification. What happens when you walk past a construction site or landscaping job?


I mean, I barely ever get catcalled either (but I guess that doesn't matter because catcalls are pointless). One time my uber driver told me I was beautiful (this was like two years ago) but he looked like he could be in his 30s (I swear I am not picky) and I feel like uber drivers might hit on many women.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

minimalME said:


> I'd like to know.
> 
> 
> 
> This thread resonated with me - I'm very socially awkward. I even considered being tested for HFA. I know how to smile and be polite, but I don't really know how to flirt. And when men are friendly to me, I assume they're just being friendly.




Every guy is very different in terms of weight. I enjoy the athletic build. Mary is 5’4” and was 105 pounds when she drew my eye.

But with clothes on the weight difference between 105 and 120 wouldn’t be noticed. And who knows where a few of those pounds might be! Mary doesn’t have any weight on top, so to speak.

Hair styles tell a lot.

Short hair is respected, but not sexy. Objectively I can’t justify that at all. But I have noticed it seems pretty common. I often hear comments from guys which are negative about short hair.

If a woman does something special with her hair it screams for attention. Ponytails are nice but often just utilitarian. What type of beret or scrunchy is used to hold her hair matters. Twigs or a small braid along the edge on one side from the part on down really ask for attention. Maybe a clip in her hair to hold some back, with flowers or butterflies on it. Simple but different means they want someone to notice.

On clothes, any top that drapes over her butt screams, “Do not look at me at all!” While a top that stops at the hips, or waist, and some clothing to hug the butt announces she’s not ashamed to receive attention.

Of course someone will say these are generalizations. They are! I am sure they are.

I girl watch, but only quietly. I don’t make comments. I never act ashamed if a girl catches me watching. So far in all the years I’ve been girl watching, choosing who to watch by some simple stuff like this, when a gal catches me eyeing her I have smiled, and she has smiled in return. Then I move on. I’ve never experienced anything which could even vaguely be interpreted as a negative reaction.

I believe many women enjoy being appreciated. If only men would do so without being rude. Trouble is men are disgusting.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

nietzo said:


> I mean, I barely get catcalled either (but I guess that doesn't matter because catcalls are pointless).




Catcalls are just rudeness. People have done impromptu surveys of guys who do that and the guys can’t think of why they do it.

From what I’ve read guys who make noise are pretty empty between the ears, and if you get them or not is based just on where you go, not anything to do with you.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

I think it's mainly about the vibe you put out. Some women give an approachable, interested vibe and some don't. I'm sure the same is true of men. Initiate eye contact with a guy and smile. He'll look at you and then he'll look away. But he'll look back, and if you're still looking at him it's vibey. Even better is to say something to him. What you say is completely irrelevant. Just the fact that you initiated a conversation will give him the vibe. I agree with others that a lot of men need a little extra encouragement these days because of the climate we're in. Nobody wants to feel like a creep. Beyond that it's just a numbers game.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

nietzo said:


> I feel so sad, never dated anyone or had a boyfriend in my life before at the age of 22. 5’4 and 120 lbs. I haven’t tried online dating before but whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me, and it just makes me feel like I am ugly-like why can’t I get dates or find someone to even like me?


If you want to change, then change yourself. If this is important to you then work at reinventing yourself.

Take up some new hobbies/courses/pursuits where you will meet men.

You could join a gun range and take up shooting sports. There are lots of ranges that have "lady's nights" and free safety training courses and the ranges are mostly full of guys practicing marksmanship. The odds of men vs women would be about 9 to 1. If you don't like shooting, then maybe fly fishing or fly tying.

You could take up a martial arts course. You could join a local Mountaineering club or take up indoor rock climbing. Again about 8 to 2 men to women. Alternately join a bicycle club and go on club rides, many of which end in a beer garden where you can mingle. The odds on bike rides are about 7 men to 3 women.

You could take a course at a community college in something like beginning motorcycle or auto maintenance. Probably 9 men to each woman. You could take a beginning course on AutoCAD drafting and again find about 8 men per 2 women. You could also take a course in investing where there are many more men than women. 

Or take a course toward an Emergency Medical Technician certificate (lots of guys wanting to be firemen) or better yet toward a Wilderness EMT certificate. In a Mountaineering club I belonged to there was a woman Wilderness EMT who everyone wanted to be on their hikes and climbs because she could save their life if something bad happened. She was really popular and engaged within a year.

Join the Republican political party as a volunteer or maybe even the Democratic Party.

Take up some hobbies that will cause men to just drop in their tracks once they get up the nerve to talk to you. For example, take some courses in massage. Take an exercise class in pole dancing (some want to make it an Olympic sport). Take an exercise course in belly dancing. Take some courses in wine tasting or whiskey tasting. Then watch their face and smile when you tell them about your hobbies.

The point is, if you want to change, you can change. Just go out there and try something that may be outside your comfort zone. Reinvent yourself.

Good luck.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

WilliamM said:


> Catcalls are just rudeness. People have done impromptu surveys of guys who do that and the guys can’t think of why they do it.
> 
> From what I’ve read guys who make noise are pretty empty between the ears, and if you get them or not is based just on where you go, not anything to do with you.


YEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Catcalls are not a measure of how attractive you are.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

nietzo said:


> I feel so sad, never dated anyone or had a boyfriend in my life before at the age of 22. 5’4 and 120 lbs. I haven’t tried online dating before but whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me, and it just makes me feel like I am ugly-like why can’t I get dates or find someone to even like me?


What sort of places do you go to? Do you socialise? Have hobbies? Interests? Go to clubs? 

Voluntary work is a great place to get to know people. If you are studying then you will have some spare time to do this. 
Otherwise clubs also, people there will share the same interests as you which is a good start. Sports, choir, walking group, writing group, book clubs, running groups, all these things will build you confidence.

Do you go out with friends and socialise that way? Do you have many female friends?


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

I'm a guy. One who is clueless about attracting and wooing women. But, what I will tell you is that having confidence in manner and attitude is super sexy. I am in a newish relationship and it wasn't her body or looks that attracted me, it was her attitude! She is confident, sassy (I love that word), feminine, and takes no crap from anyone. I love to wrangle a tiger it seems lol. I say this because confidence is sexy. Really. Take charge of your confidence.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Lots of good advice here. Tons of things you can do that can make a huge difference.

Do you smile? Nothing draws another in so easily as a genuine smile. Even the plainest of faces radiates when smiling. Are you even comfortable smiling, especially spontaneously? 

Someone asked how you wear your hair. I will add that a feminine haircut can do wonders. What works best varies from person to person, but a haircut should match the face (some faces look best with short hair, others with long). You need to look into what is best for you. Don't just let some hairdresser push the latest hot cut on you as it may not be the best cut for you. There are plenty of books, and I'm guessing even web sites, that give lots of good examples as to what hair styles look best with what shape faces. Like a smile, the right cut can be very eye catching.

Like the haircut, it helps if you wear feminine clothing. Again, this need not be trendy, or even expensive, and I'm definitely not recommending anything overly revealing or trashy. Clothes that simply sit well on a feminine shape can also be a strong draw. Unless you're so skinny or so overweight as to be shapeless, the right clothes can go a long way. Look for colors that go well with your skin tone and hair color. Again, there are plenty of sources that cover this well.

What's more, with a nice cut and the right threads, you'll find your confidence level increases as well. Which, in turn, will facilitate your smile. 

Then you can focus on interacting. Keep the smile going, speak as though you are enjoying the encounter, and be willing to listen--we all hear about how women just love it when a man listens, but this works the other way as well. Almost all men all have hobbies--find out what a guy's into and ask questions about it. He'll talk your ear off if you show an interest. Keep the smile going, and make eye contact. Eye contact is incredibly sexy. Especially when those eyes sit above a smile and peer out from under a cut that perfectly frames the face.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

How do you dress? Wear makeup? Try to enhance your good features?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Men are visual. Don't get offended, but try wearing something sexy, short dress, open blouse and see what happens. You don't have to do more but try it and see if you get attention.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bobby5000 said:


> Men are visual. Don't get offended, but try wearing something sexy, short dress, open blouse and see what happens. You don't have to do more but try it and see if you get attention.


It may depend on whether that's the sort of man she wants to attract.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> It may depend on whether that's the sort of man she wants to attract.


Indeed. I find tasteful accentuation far more attractive than overt flaunting. If a woman’s too focused on displaying the physical goods, then I assume that’s all she’s got to offer.

This approach may work if all OP is looking for is a quick wham bam thank you ma’am, but I don’t get that vibe here.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

Are you looking to be noticed by men when out in public or to try to start a relationship? These are two different things. When 
I was your age, I was 5’9”, 120 pounds with an hour glass figure that screamed woman. Needless to say I spent most of my teenage/20’s wearing jeans and baggy t-shirt to not get male attention. I wasn’t looking for men staring or appreciated my body I was looking for a relationship.

Try involving yourself in activities that interest you and approach or try to engage the men there. I think the idea that men will just approach you on the street is not going to happen, but a man may approach you at a function knowing you are interested in something he is too.


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## 2arebetter (May 3, 2016)

Cromer said:


> I'm a guy. One who is clueless about attracting and wooing women. But, what I will tell you is that having confidence in manner and attitude is super sexy. I am in a newish relationship and it wasn't her body or looks that attracted me, it was her attitude! She is confident, sassy (I love that word), feminine, and takes no crap from anyone. I love to wrangle a tiger it seems lol. I say this because confidence is sexy. Really. Take charge of your confidence.


I'm going to echo most of this. 

Your posture and the way you move when you're in public say a lot about you to men IMO. That's the first thing a guy can see. He can't see anything deeper than what a first glance will give. Those queue's can exude confidence. Don't mistake confidence for cockiness though. It can be a fine line and it means different things to different guys. You could be the most attractive woman but nobody would see it if you're hiding behind slumped shoulders and you shuffle your feet.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

The main thing I see from the OP's description of herself is that she is shy, and just looking for a long term relationship. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but the thing is, long term relationships have to start somewhere. Talk to everybody, smile, and dress to accentuate your best features, fix your hair, and wear at least some makeup pretty much all the time when out and about (although I have seen women who were naturally beautiful without any makeup, it just looks more feminine when they do), but don't overdo it. At 5'4" and 120 lbs, you would have to be very ugly not to get attention. Seeing as you have already been described as beautiful, I would hazard a guess that you ARE very attractive. You're probably just too self conscious to see other's interest. You have to be approachable. Stop being afraid of what others think. You are old enough to be yourself. The only way to fine tune who you are is to interact with others, men included. Don't be afraid to talk, to smile, to show you're interested. Look into a man's eye without even worrying about it. 

Remember..., baby steps first. I will advise you to not be needy or clingy, as that will make you vulnerable to the "players", and will get you the wrong kind of attention from the wrong people. You have to comfortable in your own skin. Look in the mirror every day and say, "I'm beautiful!", and mean it. Take inventory. I'm pretty sure you have a LOT to offer if the right man comes along. Just put yourself out there and be social.

FWIW, I have seen drop dead gorgeous women who had trouble getting dates because a lot of men were intimidated by them. It appeared they had extremely high standards, and wouldn't even talk to men who they perceived as not meeting those standards. Don't be afraid to talk to men even if you're not interested in them that way. Make friends, and be friendly. Talk to any and everybody without reservation. You can always say no if somebody misinterprets your intentions.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Indeed. I find tasteful accentuation far more attractive than overt flaunting. If a woman’s too focused on displaying the physical goods, then I assume that’s all she’s got to offer.
> 
> This approach may work if all OP is looking for is a quick wham bam thank you ma’am, but I don’t get that vibe here.


You are a good man and you give me hope on this site. :smile2: My husband would agree. He actually wouldn't be interested in dating a woman who dressed in a trashy way, and finds women dressing modestly very attractive. 
I dress modestly as did my mum and as do my daughters. No boobs on show and no short skirts or dresses. Nothing see through or too clingy. Women can still look attractive and feminine and be modest as well.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

nietzo said:


> This is OP. I am female. I am in college and I will graduate by the end of this year. I do not work but so far in classes and joining a few organizations, no guy has taken interest in me or asked me out. I just feel so ignored by men.


You sound suspiciously like my younger daughter . Hopefully she'll start dating during residency...


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

What are you like? I don't mean what do you look like, I mean how do you act in public? Do you smile a lot? People who scowl are not approachable. Are you lively? Do you start conversations? A large proportion of men these days are a bit nervous about starting conversations with women, with all the stories about harassment and such.

What kind of public places do you go to? Do you dress to stand out or dress to hide in the crowds?

In order to be noticed, you have to DO something to be noticed. Works for both genders, by the way.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

It's been eons since I was your age, so I'm working from distant memory. Obviously, it was easier for extremely attractive women to find men, but they had a different problem. For me, the primary reason I would ask a girl on a date was because she seemed interesting and engaging. I'd ascertain that from conversation. It was girls I was in class with that I'd chat with in class. It was girls that hung out in my social group. It was girls active in the same clubs I was in. Once it was even a girl that happened to sit next to me at lunch on successive days. I'm chatty, so I usually started the conversations, but not always.

I'm not the kind of guy that girls hit on, but there were occasional cases when a girl would initiate engagement. They never asked me out, but there were a few cases when girls made it clear that they would like to go out. In most cases, I obliged them to see where things would go.

The main point is that you have to put yourself out there. You've got to be socially involved. Join clubs. Engage in activities. Talk to the people around you. Learn to sort out who the interesting (to you) guys are.

Also, don't be jealous of the supermodel types. I know several women that are (or were) drop-dead gorgeous. They had a different problem. Not only did they have to deal with a never ending stream of creeps and phonies, they all had relationship problems. I think some of that was because, being beauty focused, they picked people for superficial reasons. I also think that they were less committed in relationships because they new they could find someone new tomorrow. I don't know any of them that are in a happy, long-term relationship.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

A few things.

First, are you *sure* that they aren't paying attention to you? I grew up extremely shy and it was quite late in life that I got over it. At one point a female friend mentioned how women found me very attractive. My first reaction was WTF - of course they don't. Then she gave a few examples and I realized that I had been getting - and completely ignoring their attention. Then I realized *she* was flirting with me. 

Your situation may be different, but I had been completely oblivious. Not all attention is cat calls or overt comments.


If you really are not getting any attention, it may still be easy to fix. You may just be presenting a "vibe" that keeps people away. There is a lot of body language etc, and most men do not want to seem pushy even if they do find someone attractive. 

Do you smile when you see people? Make random casual comments - standing in line for coffee "I'm going to freeze to death if we have to wait any longer". Most people are happy with random conversation if they aren't doing anything else. Very few will be offended by an attempt. 

I think the key is not to try to start conversation specifically with interesting men, but just to get used to talking to strangers in general. That little bit of ice breaking can make all the difference. 

I'd strongly advise against looking for catcalls and the like unless you are looking for quick casual sex (OK if that is what you want). General friendly contact provides an opening for people to take things one step further.


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## M042 (Nov 4, 2013)

nietzo said:


> I feel so sad, never dated anyone or had a boyfriend in my life before at the age of 22. 5’4 and 120 lbs. I haven’t tried online dating before but whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me, and it just makes me feel like I am ugly-like why can’t I get dates or find someone to even like me?


You do not have to be good. 
You do not have to walk on your knees 
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. 
You only have to let the soft animal of your body 
love what it loves. 
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. 
Meanwhile the world goes on. 
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain 
are moving across the landscapes, 
over the prairies and the deep trees, 
the mountains and the rivers. 
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, 
are heading home again. 
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 
the world offers itself to your imagination, 
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - 
over and over announcing your place 
in the family of things.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

...


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

If you are a college student where do people like to socialize? Where do your girlfriends go on Friday night? Is there a dance club in town? A music hall? Where do you go to school? Brigham Young University or U of O? Getting more hobbies and socializing is good advice, but I don't like the suggestions to dress provocatively. It'll get attention, but you (should) want a young man that likes You, not you in a costume of someone else. Practice your flirting on cute bartenders and waiters. 

I'm sorry to ask, but are you ugly? You said the UBER driver said you were beautiful. That's a good sign, although UBER drivers should be careful not to hit on passengers. So you're just shy? or afraid? or goth? What's the deal?

Here's a joke I've been telling for 30 years -

A man is enjoying the view on a fishing peer, when he hears sobbing. He walks all the way to the end and finds a young lady, in a wheelchair, with no arms or legs. He asks what's wrong and the young lady responds "I'm 21 years old and I've never even been hugged by a boy". Nervously, the man bends over and hugs the young lady, bringing a smile to her face. He walks about half way back to shore when she begins crying again,louder this time. He turns around, walks back and again asks what is wrong, and she says "I'm 21 years old and I've never been kissed by a boy". He pauses, for a moment or two, then bends over and gives her a long kiss on the lips. She smiles from ear to ear and thanks him. He walks back towards shore again and is about to step onto the sand when he hears her start crying again, even louder this time. He stands there for a moment because he's getting tired of walking back and forth, but the crying gets louder and eventually he marches down to her again, out of breath now. "Miss, what is wrong now?" he asks. "I'm 21 years old, and.... and...." "Spit it out woman, what is it now?" he asks. "I'm 21 years old, and .... I've never been screwed" she cries. So he scoops her up, kisses her again, and tosses her into the water. "You're screwed now!" 

Be careful what you wish for.


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## nietzo (Feb 21, 2018)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> If you are a college student where do people like to socialize? Where do your girlfriends go on Friday night? Is there a dance club in town? A music hall? Where do you go to school? Brigham Young University or U of O? Getting more hobbies and socializing is good advice, but I don't like the suggestions to dress provocatively. It'll get attention, but you (should) want a young man that likes You, not you in a costume of someone else. Practice your flirting on cute bartenders and waiters.
> 
> I'm sorry to ask, but are you ugly? You said the UBER driver said you were beautiful. That's a good sign, although UBER drivers should be careful not to hit on passengers. So you're just shy? or afraid? or goth? What's the deal?
> 
> ...


Well I don't think I am ugly, I have gotten compliments from time to time. My dermatologist and hairdresser said I was pretty upon first meeting them. I wanted to get a small mole removed on my face and the plastic surgeon told me not to remove it since it was so small and told me not to mess up a pretty face. And when I told the uber driver I never had a boyfriend he said I will find someone...................................but I swear to God, I just don't receive male attention and I am not noticed that much out in public at all and it makes me question my attractiveness all the time.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

As others have said, Confidence Confidence Confidence. If you walk around looking mouse-ee and sad nobody will notice you. If you walk around in the same clothes and hair, with a confident smile and "I can take on the world" attitude, people Will notice you. 

So instead of waiting for them to come to you, maybe you should start initiating. That way you'll be talking with guys you find attractive (instead of bozos off the street). I'm happily married but I've always been good at flirting. I like to give girls honest, simple compliments, and they almost always respond well. Now that's as far as I take it, now, but when I was single it was a great ice breaker and from there I could ask her to dance, or how long she had worked there, or what she was studying, or whatever was pertinent to the situation. But just making non-pressure contact opens the door for them to show interest, or say no thanks.

Start feeling good. Know that the young men are shy too and conditioned to not bother women. Someone IS noticing you, but either you look mopey (just guessing) or they are just scared. I used to go dancing a lot in college, and sometimes I'd take my tough-guy friends with me and they would just stand in the shadows, afraid to talk to anyone. If I liked the music, and saw a cute or pretty girl dancing I'd go up and start dancing with her. Usually she would smile and dance with me too. No harm no foul. If we danced to a few more songs and I could tell she was interested it was game-on. My buddies would always say "Did you know that girl???" "How did you just go up to a stranger like that???"

Confidence. And simple, sweet compliments, like "I really like your hair" or "I like the way your headband matches the shoes - really makes the outfit". Never anything crude like "Nice body baby". I suggest if a man catches your eye, that you be brave enough to go up and talk to him. Not "Hi I'm Nietzo, wanna go out sometime?" but more like "Hi, nice (whatever), where'd you get it?" The man will respond and even if he's shy he can tell you about himself, and see that You want to talk to Him. It's really easy.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Well where do you go where men are ok in approaching and hitting on you. I agree with others if you assume that it happens in public with strangers most men your age aren’t well versed in how that works.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Chicks are easy. Men are even easier. Go get em!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I doubt you are ugly.

In what sorts of situations are you expecting / hoping for attention from men? 

Have you initiated contact (just casual conversations) with men and been rejected in some way? How do you initiate conversations with strangers?

I think there is nothing wrong with your appearance or with you, its just that you are probably acting in some way (unintentionally) that gives men the impression that you would not welcome conversation. Once you figure out what it is, it will be easy to fix.









nietzo said:


> Well I don't think I am ugly, I have gotten compliments from time to time. My dermatologist and hairdresser said I was pretty upon first meeting them. I wanted to get a small mole removed on my face and the plastic surgeon told me not to remove it since it was so small and told me not to mess up a pretty face. And when I told the uber driver I never had a boyfriend he said I will find someone...................................but I swear to God, I just don't receive male attention and I am not noticed that much out in public at all and it makes me question my attractiveness all the time.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

nietzo said:


> I feel so sad, never dated anyone or had a boyfriend in my life before at the age of 22. 5’4 and 120 lbs. I haven’t tried online dating before but whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me, and it just makes me feel like I am ugly-like why can’t I get dates or find someone to even like me?


 My wife's friend once asked me a similar question. When she confirmed that she wanted the truth, I told her that she had what men call "resting ***** face", where by default she meanly sneers and never smiles, even though she is actually a nice person once you get to know her. The problem is that you never get a second chance at a first impression, and even if she overcomes this impression, by then she has been friend zoned. 

Learn to smile by default. Smile and they will come.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

There's only so much we can tell you with words, you need an example.

Get a friendly, hot girlfriend who gets attention from all the guys and learn everything from her.


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## jlcrome (Nov 5, 2017)

Don't bother with relationships it will suck the life out of ya. 
Seriously best advice cut out the "I'm not pretty enough" nonsense. 
With the world population over 8 billion and the odds no guy wants you? Nonsense
It's a confidence thing not an attractive thing.


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## Pantone429c (Feb 8, 2018)

nietzo said:


> I feel so sad, never dated anyone or had a boyfriend in my life before at the age of 22. 5’4 and 120 lbs. I haven’t tried online dating before but whenever I am out in public, men never seem interested in me, never even return eye contact or approach me, never really hit on me, and it just makes me feel like I am ugly-like why can’t I get dates or find someone to even like me?




Have you ever considered that it is the opposite? Many men figure that a pretty woman is out of their league.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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