# Lying cheating wife who flips everything onto me.



## Jrock1102 (Dec 8, 2020)

Hbshdbdhfn


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Why are you still with her?


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Jrock1102 said:


> I get mad and text her all day and she just ignores it and makes me feel like a piece of ****.


To begin with, quit texting her. Realize that you are allowing her to treat you like ****. Also realize that your wife is a liar and a cheat. Instead of trying to fix her, concentrate on fixing you. Because from where I'm sitting, any man who would tolerate the type of crap your wife is dishing out needs to (1) see an attorney and (2) dump her ass.

JMO.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Fooled once, get wise.
Fooled twice, get out!


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Dump her and move on.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

And … if you stay (sounds like you want to) don’t expect her to change.


----------



## paboy (May 27, 2020)

Do not play the pick me dance. It is really unattractive. You need to do the 180. Basically it is to keep everything to minimal contact. This allows you space so that you start seeing things more clearly, without emotions clouding your perspective. It is not a punitive/punishment. It is to give you the space to think more clearly. 
The two things that I have mentioned is a must for you right now.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Do you have kids?

If not, time to get out.

You should know that you likely have only seen the tip of an iceberg with this woman.

This won't get better and she won't suddenly be a trustworthy person.

She is gaslighting you. 

Also, there of plenty of woman in the world who haven't done this to you, you should spend your time with one of them instead.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why woud you even want to be with a woman who lies and cheats, especially with so called friends of yours?


----------



## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

You have three choices: Continue the way you are, which is complaining about something that you can't change; decide to live with it,;or leave her. Most people (but not all) would choose the last option. This forum is great for making a plan of action if you decide to leave her. People will have some sympathy for a short period of time if you continue with the first or second.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

What kind of people have you surrounded yourself with?

Don't you deserve better? 

We all deserve better. Here... "No More Mr Nice Guy" 

Things will only change when you do

Best


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Jrock1102 said:


> #1 Here’s my reality !
> 
> 
> #2. Most people realize that an inappropriate relationship IS CHEATING !
> ...


Dude! You need to have a serious Come-To-Jesus Meeting - WITH YOURSELF!

You are the one that needs the wake up and to see your reality for what it really is. You are the one that is missing the boat here. 

Let's address a few of things you said individually - 

#1. Your reality is your wife is a cheating ho and you are accepting it. You are accepting it by remaining with her. At this point if you keep her around, that is the path you choose and you will be living with a lying, cheating ho because that is what she does. Your whining and moaning and *****ing is not going to transform her into an honest, faithful person. She is who and what she is. You either accept it (which is what you have been doing) or you don't accept it and split with her. 

#2. It doesn't matter what most people think and you do not need a group vote on whether she is cheating or not cheating. It is about what you will and what you will not accept to remain in this relationship. 

#3. She has shown you who and what she is. Why don't you believe her??

#4. Yeah Duh! You have no trust because she is not the least bit trust worthy. At this point you can fully trust that she is a lying, cheating ho. That you can take to the bank. and if you don't trust in that, then you are the fool. 

#5. Correction, you need to expect LESS of her in the relationship because she is not relationship material. She is a drunk chick that you bang in a bar bathroom, not one that you have in your home or have a relationship with. If you are 'wrong' here, it is being wrong that you think you can dress up a turd and make it into a banana split. If you are thinking she can be an honest and faithful spouse, then yes, you are wrong. 

#6. For starters she understands perfectly well and knows exactly what she is doing. But even so, you do not need her to understand you nor do you need to convince her she is a lying, cheating ho. She doesn't need to understand your feelings for you to take action or for you to dump her. YOU need to understand that you are being used and chumped and that if you do not like that, that you need to extricate yourself from this situation. 

#7. In a sick and twisted way, I kind of agree with her on this one. You know the score and yet you are choosing to remain in this situation. That is not her fault. That is your choice. It's not her fault you are choosing to remain in this situation where she is openly lying and screwing other men. Your course of action and what you accept and what you do is all on you.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Jrock1102 said:


> When all I want is for her to understand what she’s done to me and make an adjustment.
> Instead I get blamed ! Relationship sucked anyway. I’m pathetic , having sex with you is like being raped, on and on.


If she hadn't cheated, saying your relationship sucked, you are pathetic, having sex with you is like being raped.... each of these is grounds for divorce alone.

But she did cheat, and this is classic cheater script of re-writing history so she can justify her promiscuity.

She is telling you what she really thinks of you and your marriage. You should believe her when she says this stuff....


----------



## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Get a lawyer and get out! This one is not marriage material.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

You are supposed to be her husband and lover.

Stop being her dad!

Like others have said. Either live with it or leave. She will not change at this point. Some people just cheat because they want to, your wife is one of them.

To answer the question, yes she is cheating.


----------



## Jrock1102 (Dec 8, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Why are you still with her?





re16 said:


> Do you have kids?
> 
> If not, time to get out.
> 
> ...


yes we do have kids. Have been married 20 years. 16 of those years were awesome. So I know who she really is as a person and just feel like she has been lost for the last few years. Not that easy to just walk away from somebody you have cared about for so long.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Jrock1102 said:


> yes we do have kids. Have been married 20 years. 16 of those years were awesome. So I know who she really is as a person and just feel like she has been lost for the last few years. Not that easy to just walk away from somebody you have cared about for so long.


What happened 4 years ago? 

Did she lose a close relative? Did she get a big promotion at work or start well paying career? Did she lose a ton of weight?

A serious illness? 

Did YOU cheat or do something bad in the marriage? Did you lose/quit your job? Get a significant demotion/cut in pay? Gain a lot of weight? Get lazy and sit around the house/ video games/porn?

What happened or changed 4 years ago? Be honest.


----------



## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

Wow buddy she’s got not one ounce of respect for you nothing zilch. She is f*****g your friends dude. WTF.! What more does she have to do for you to get the hint that she doesn’t wanna be with you. Look when the BS is fighting for the relationship and the wayward is not by any means it’s a wrap. This relationship is pretty much done. take what little dignity do you have left file for divorce move on to a whole new life, leave a cheater gain a life.


----------



## Jrock1102 (Dec 8, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> What happened 4 years ago?
> 
> Did she lose a close relative? Did she get a big promotion at work or start well paying career? Did she lose a ton of weight?
> 
> ...


Her mom passed away a year and a half ago. Prior to that nothing. Both Jobs have been the same for years. I’ve been faithful to her. Kids take up a ton of time playing Sports etc.... the first time she lied was probably 8 years ago. We discussed it moved on. I think I became weary at the point. Started checking up on her. Then discovered the second incident a couple years ago. Been trying to cope with it ever since and she’s just been unwilling to come around.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jrock1102 said:


> Here’s my reality !
> 
> My wife cheated on my with a friend of mine !
> She says she didn’t but everything in the texts I found indicate otherwise. She agreed that her relationship was inappropriate and that she was hiding it from me, lied to me when I discovered it. But she still plays it off like it wasn’t cheating.
> ...



@Jrock1102 I have not read the other posters comments but the first thing i would say is that your wife has no respect for you at all and your actions of chasing her are creating this lack of respect also.
I know you are in panic mode right now but you have to back off from her. She has seriously betrayed you, with not one but two men (supposedly friends, a bigger betrayal). You have to really think about letting this B**** go.
You need to get control of yourself. Please do the 180 immediately the link is here *








The 180


Several years ago, Michelle Wiener Davis, the author of Divorce Busting, introduced a concept to the world of infidelity that is designed to help you and your partner move forward in the healing of…




beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com




*The steps sound counter intuitive but you must take back your power and not descend into the abyss chasing after her.
Only when you are in a calm and centred place can you make clear decisions about your future. I suspect if you are calm you will not want her back.

Consider getting IC for yourself
Getting a good lawyer to see what your options are
Going no contact with her, bare basics for the kids if you have them
Get yourself STD checked.
Make her write a timeline and no contact letters, not because you necessarily want to reconcile but because you probably need to know what you are dealing with
if she refuses to cooperate, ask her to leave
tell all family and friends about what has happened, expose her and your 'friends'. This is no shame on you but on them, when her activity is exposed, the shame of others knowing will make her see the damage she has done.
HOWEVER, do not chase her to get her to understand how she hurt you, cheaters rarely do understand the level of hurt they cause, otherwise they would not do it in the first place. Many of them lack any level of empathy or self reflection, so do not beat a dead horse. Leave her and the marriage aside for now. Work on yourself and make plans as if you are proceeding in life without her.

It sounds like something triggered in her after 16 years, could it be menopause, and mid life crisis? Nonetheless no matter the excuses, still act decisively, she needs to see that you are in control and are taking her at her word. Be ready to lose this marriage and her, show strength to your family. If she was as good as you say and somehow gone off the rails then she would have a hell of a lot of work to do to get back in the marriage. Let her see that you are no longer a Plan B or plan anything for her. If she wants YOU back, she will have to work for it after what she has done. Now start on the 180, no more pursuing her.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Jrock1102 said:


> ... the first time she lied was probably 8 years ago. We discussed it moved on. I think I became weary at the point. Started checking up on her. Then discovered the second incident a couple years ago. Been trying to cope with it ever since and she’s just been unwilling to come around.


I understand you two have a lot of history together. That can make it difficult to pull the plug. But whatever happened 8 years ago makes me suspect that she's been a less than stellar wife for quite awhile. So you "discussed" it. Sounds more like rug sweeping to me. Now you're dealing with the same problem. And she's "unwilling to come around." 

You have your answer. I'm sorry it's not the answer you want, but it's the reality of the situation. Frankly, I cannot fathom why you haven't gone nuclear about this - shared history or not. She's lying. She's cheating. To hell with history. Why? Because IT'S HISTORY. In the here and now, as of today, you have a liar and cheater on your hands.

Go ballistic. Dump her. You deserve a helluva lot better than this woman. SERIOUSLY.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe she changed or maybe this is who she was all along. But you can’t fix her — that’s up to her — so you need to protect yourself.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Jrock1102 said:


> I try to tell her that but I just get frustrated. Because she refuses to listen to my needs or adjust anything. I get mad and text her all day and she just ignores it and makes me feel like a piece of ****. Like I’m the one that’s out of control and wrong.
> When all I want is for her to understand what she’s done to me and make an adjustment.
> Instead I get blamed ! Relationship sucked anyway. I’m pathetic , having sex with you is like being raped, on and on.


Just look at what you wrote. 

Why would you stay in such a relationship? It's not a marriage. Move on.

In fact, if she despises you so much that "sex with you is like being raped", then she should be GLAD to end it. 
Do both of yourselves a favor. Euthanize this relationship.


----------



## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Time to pull the pin on the divorce grenade. 
If this is on you then there is no remorse. She will repeat her past in the future. 
One day at a time. 
Buffer


----------



## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Jrock1102 said:


> yes we do have kids. Have been married 20 years. 16 of those years were awesome. So I know who she really is as a person and just feel like she has been lost for the last few years. Not that easy to just walk away from somebody you have cared about for so long.


Everyone thinks that their love story is unique, that the circumstances of their family are unique, that others don't understand how difficult a position they're really in.

These forum archives are filled with stories of people just like you. The people giving you advice know first hand how difficult your situation is because those people have been there themselves.

Spend some time reading stories, search for key words so that some like your story are returned in the search results. Watch those stories unfold over time. Also watch for the folks who think that they are in a unique situation and are going to follow their own gut instinct and reject the advice that is given here, those don't usually have a good ending or they just stop in midstream and the poster disappears.

Someone is bound to come along and tell you "you have to be prepared to lose the marriage in order to save the marriage." (I guess I'm that guy.) If you find it hard, or impossible, to walk away, then you could try to save your marriage, but if that's the difficult road you want to walk, then you have to do it from a position of strength, meaning she has to care more about the marriage than you do, so you have some attitude adjusting to work on first before you can do anything about trying to save the marriage. The side-effect of this is, the work you do to that end also serves you well for detaching and divorcing if you conclude that this is the best way forward.


----------



## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

History in marriage counts for nothing. Marriage is really a "What have you done for me lately?" kind of affair. Your wife doesn't owe you a continued marriage because you've spent 16 years together. You can't collect on that history and you shouldn't allow that history to tie your hands either. What has your wife done for you lately?


----------



## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Jrock1102 said:


> Here’s my reality !
> 
> My wife cheated on my with a friend of mine !
> She says she didn’t but everything in the texts I found indicate otherwise. She agreed that her relationship was inappropriate and that she was hiding it from me, lied to me when I discovered it. But she still plays it off like it wasn’t cheating.
> ...


First, I’m sorry that this happened to you, the first and latest time. The pain is real and your feelings are normal and valid whether she accepts them or not.
Second, I want to say this in a way that doesn’t make you think I am insulting you, it’s not my intention. I know you love her, a lot, and she’s the mom of your children.

But for her? The truth is; from a females perspective, she despises you. She is chasing your FRIENDS like a volunteer hooker. That isn’t just cheating, that’s cheating with focused intent to demolish you, that’s a hate cheat. I am so so sorry that you found yourself with a person that actually wants to see you suffer but it’s the only reasonable explanation she would EVER do this with your friends. I’m sorry.

I hope you get a new life. A new wife. And some new friends.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

You only started checking up on her recently; think of all the things you _haven't _discovered.

Time to pull the plug. See if she will even work to win you back. If she doesn't, you have your answer. I'd think about doing a paternity test on the kids. Present it to them as genealogy research, but let your wife know exactly what's going on.


----------



## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Tatsuhiko said:


> You only started checking up on her recently; think of all the things you _haven't _discovered.
> 
> Time to pull the plug. See if she will even work to win you back. If she doesn't, you have your answer.* I'd think about doing a paternity test on the kids.* Present it to them as genealogy research, but let your wife know exactly what's going on.


The OP reported the following - Instead I get blamed ! Relationship sucked anyway. I’m pathetic ,* having sex with you is like being raped*, on and on.

I agree with Tatsuhiko, paternity test the kids. Now hold on for a second. It seems that every single time this advice is offered, the OP always gets insulted and defends his kids, says he has no need for the test because he knows the kids are his and even if they are not his, they're still his. Total shut down on the test. Every OP misses the point. Unless an OP actually suspects the kids are not his, the point of the test is to signal to the wife just how damn much you no longer trust her and now your lack of trust in her is going back to the birth of the kids, that her behavior during the whole relationship is now in question, just how far back has she HIDDEN her secret life?

What's holding the OP back in this tactic? Most of the time it is fear of offending his wife. For this OP, when his wife told him that she felt like she was being raped when they made love, does he think she was concerned about his feelings. She sees him as a doormat who will take all of her insults. Don't be that doormat. Signal to her that now that her behavior is out in the open and she's showing you who she is, that now you have no trust in believing who she showed you she was, that the person she is now was always there and just hidden from you. That paternity test on the kids is a shot across her bow. Maybe she will care, maybe she won't, but at least you're making a statement about her behavior and it strikes at her core, most women don't want to be seen as deceitful slags who trick their husbands into raising another man's baby.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Jrock1102 said:



yes we do have kids. Have been married 20 years. 16 of those years were awesome. So I know who she really is as a person and just feel like she has been lost for the last few years. Not that easy to just walk away from somebody you have cared about for so long.

Click to expand...

*So what you're saying is you have zero self-respect. Got it.

And you're right - now you really *DO* know who she is as a person. She's a lying, cheating, deceiving, self-absorbed, selfish SNAKE who you want to continue clinging to like grim death, and pretending she's such a wonderful person when she's not. Being desperate, weak and needy will do that to a person, I guess. You really do need to find your dignity.

So exactly how much LOWER are you going to set the bar before your dignity *finally* kicks in?


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Jrock1102 said:


> yes we do have kids. Have been married 20 years. 16 of those years were awesome. So I know who she really is as a person and just feel like she has been lost for the last few years. Not that easy to just walk away from somebody you have cared about for so long.


This is ALSO who she is as a person. 

Dude...why do you need her to acknowledge that she was cheating when you know for a fact she was?

Think carefully on that answer, because it matters greatly in why are still stuck in the same pattern.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lance Mannion said:


> The OP reported the following - Instead I get blamed ! Relationship sucked anyway. I’m pathetic ,* having sex with you is like being raped*, on and on.
> 
> I agree with Tatsuhiko, paternity test the kids. Now hold on for a second. It seems that every single time this advice is offered, the OP always gets insulted and defends his kids, says he has no need for the test because he knows the kids are his and even if they are not his, they're still his. Total shut down on the test. Every OP misses the point. Unless an OP actually suspects the kids are not his, the point of the test is to signal to the wife just how damn much you no longer trust her and now your lack of trust in her is going back to the birth of the kids, that her behavior during the whole relationship is now in question, just how far back has she HIDDEN her secret life?
> 
> What's holding the OP back in this tactic? Most of the time it is fear of offending his wife. For this OP, when his wife told him that she felt like she was being raped when they made love, does he think she was concerned about his feelings. She sees him as a doormat who will take all of her insults. Don't be that doormat. Signal to her that now that her behavior is out in the open and she's showing you who she is, that now you have no trust in believing who she showed you she was, that the person she is now was always there and just hidden from you. That paternity test on the kids is a shot across her bow. Maybe she will care, maybe she won't, but at least you're making a statement about her behavior and it strikes at her core, most women don't want to be seen as deceitful slags who trick their husbands into raising another man's baby.


I think testing the kids and also getting tested for STDs will offend her, but who cares, it shows her strength and that you don't care what she thinks, it also protects you.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Why people allow themselves to be treated like this by those who profess to love them I have no idea. 🤦‍♂️


----------



## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Cut and run brother. Cut and run!


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jrock1102 said:


> Here’s my reality !
> 
> My wife cheated on my with a friend of mine !
> She says she didn’t but everything in the texts I found indicate otherwise. She agreed that her relationship was inappropriate and that she was hiding it from me, lied to me when I discovered it. But she still plays it off like it wasn’t cheating.
> ...


What exactly does this relationship bring to your life? Doesn't sound like much. What happened with the friend?


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

When kids are involved and there is a long term marriage, it is very difficult to look at the relationship from a third party perspective, so we understand where you are at emotionally.

If a wife has verbally degraded the husband, and the marriage, and had some sort extra marital source of feeling good about herself, she is checked out of the marriage. It is difficult (impossible?) to get a checked out wife back to who she was before. She lost her attraction to you to be able to say what she said, and do what she did.

It seems that the guys in these situations that really want to hang on to the relationship, no matter what happens, get so lost in trying to fix the problem that they are not looking at the situation objectively and often glossing over / ignoring details that do not meet their narrative of it being a fixable situation.

Usually what opens their eyes is pushing for more analysis of what their spouse actually did, realizing the scope of the affair(s), then finally getting the balls to stand up for themselves.

Based on the cheater MO we see so often here, everyone is telling you that there is more to the story. I think you need to realize it is likely / probable that she has done more than you know. If you aren't convinced yet that you need to end it to stop this merry go round, then you need to look harder at what happened.

Firstly, what exactly made you think she cheated on you? We're currently assuming that what you might have seen indicates cheating...

Did you talk to the friend(s) about this to confirm his (their) side of the story?

Have you done any recon into calls / deleted texts / emails etc....?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

re16 said:


> If she hadn't cheated, saying your relationship sucked, you are pathetic, having sex with you is like being raped.... each of these is grounds for divorce alone.
> 
> But she did cheat, and this is classic cheater script of re-writing history so she can justify her promiscuity.
> 
> She is telling you what she really thinks of you and your marriage. You should believe her when she says this stuff....


Re-read until this sinks in.

Then split, rapidly.


----------



## SRCSRC (Nov 28, 2020)

I am so sorry for your predicament. Unfortunately, the outcome will most likely not be pleasant. You must take care of yourself. That starts with not tolerating any more bull crap from your wife. Tell her she must go NC with all these clowns, no more male friends, and complete access to all her electronic devices. She must do a detailed timeline and be damn truthful about everything that has gone on. Tell her that you will demand a polygraph test if you suspect she is lying. If she balks at any of this stuff, which sounds like she will, go see a lawyer and file. Now, you can always stop the divorce proceeding if she shows sufficient contrition but filing and having her served will get her attention. If that doesn't phase her, then you have your answer regarding the chances of saving your marriage. You will not be the first or last couple to split with small children involved. With proper co-parenting, your children should do ok. As horrible as such a reality may seem, you simply cannot allow your WW to destroy you and that is what she is doing. Comparing sex with you to rape is beyond horrible. I am a betrayed spouse who should have brought the hammer down on my ex-wife several years before we finally split up.


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Many of us who have been through this kind of thing had it happen to them after 10-20 years of marriage. That doesn't make it more acceptable. 

Your wife clearly has no fear of losing you. You should take notes and do the same.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Jrock1102 said:


> Her mom passed away a year and a half ago. Prior to that nothing. Both Jobs have been the same for years. I’ve been faithful to her. Kids take up a ton of time playing Sports etc.... the first time she lied was probably 8 years ago. We discussed it moved on. I think I became weary at the point. Started checking up on her. Then discovered the second incident a couple years ago. Been trying to cope with it ever since and she’s just been unwilling to come around.


You don't really believe the first time she lied was 8 years ago do you? People don't just wake up one day without their integrity. She has just gotten complacent and lazy with her shenanigans. You just haven't caught her every time. She is not the person you think she is. It sucks but there are dozens of stories on here just like yours. Have you had a talk with your so called friends she was messing around with? Maybe you'll get the full story from them, or maybe they have bragged to some other friends about banging your wife. There's a lot of ways to get to the bottom of all of this. But I think you have got the correct advice, she is a liar and a cheater, probably always has been and always will be.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

This person who has no respect for you, who has no regard for how you feel, IS THE PERSON SHE IS NOW.

Don't confuse who she was years ago with the person she is now. The person she is now is not worth you time nor your concern.


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

No respect and no trust = divorce her!
There’s nothing you can do to make HER change... this is who she is.

ling term marriage? Well guess what- SHE has purposely ruined it! So divorce her!


----------



## Jrock1102 (Dec 8, 2020)

Ghhb


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Jrock1102 said:


> yes we do have kids. Have been married 20 years. 16 of those years were awesome. So I know who she really is as a person and just feel like she has been lost for the last few years. Not that easy to just walk away from somebody you have cared about for so long.


You knew who you thought she was. She is no longer that person.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Jrock1102 said:


> Her mom passed away a year and a half ago. Prior to that nothing. Both Jobs have been the same for years. I’ve been faithful to her. Kids take up a ton of time playing Sports etc.... the first time she lied was probably 8 years ago. We discussed it moved on. I think I became weary at the point. Started checking up on her. Then discovered the second incident a couple years ago. Been trying to cope with it ever since and she’s just been unwilling to come around.


Why should she come around when you “cope” with it. There is no reason to change you’re not going to do a damn thing about it.


----------



## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

jeez ShesStillGotIt

You put this situation so gently!

****
_And you're right - now you really *DO* know who she is as a person. She's a lying, cheating, deceiving, self-absorbed, selfish SNAKE who you want to continue clinging to like grim death, and pretending she's such a wonderful person when she's not. Being desperate, weak and needy will do that to a person, I guess. You really do need to find your dignity.

So exactly how much LOWER are you going to set the bar before your dignity *finally* kicks in?

*****_

the "FOG" happens to the betrayed also - problem is how to craft words the pierce the fog.



Mr. Betrayed:

Read the post ShesStillGotIt at least 10 times and answer the questions to yourself.

Then tell us what you definition of a "friend" is -

I will offer that the majority here do not consider a person who would pork another's wife any kind of person
worthy of the title "Friend" - at least not a friend of the cuckolded husband.


----------



## SRCSRC (Nov 28, 2020)

Jrock1102 said:


> I Appreciate all of the responses and advice. I know it sounds like I've surrounded myself with absolute pieces of ****. I do however have a couple good friends who are aware of the situation. To be clear the first guy was somebody who she went to HS with and I thought was a friend of mine. Second person was a dad from my sons team. Who again I thought was a friend of mine. Ive taken some advice here and have at least started my attempt at a 180. haven't text her or called her. Respond to her texts with minimal response, cordially of course. She came home from work after me and I have gone uptairs to practice guitar for the night. With a bottle of wine of course. Its actually nice to take a step back and let myself think. Even for the short amount of time that it's been. Some of the things I've read were harsh.. but things I probably needed to hear and already knew in the back of my mind. Going to take some time to gather myself and make rational decisions when I'm ready to make them. Appreciate the insight.


I am glad to hear you are starting to wake up. But, please understand that you cannot allow her to disrespect you no matter what happens. That begins now. Do not put up with her verbal abuse. The rape comment is terrible.


----------



## paboy (May 27, 2020)

Once you have your emotions in check, i.e. the 180, start the divorce process.. you can always withdraw it.. This puts you in control (of 'YOUR' life)..

Your main priority is to 'get out of infidelity'.. If she see's that you are serious in your intentions, she will either rectify her actions and try to save the marriage.... or not.. Either way, a real divorce threat will have you heading in the right direction.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

A few minutes with a guitar always provides much needed clarity... if you’ve got that going, you’ve got a real ally on your side.

Although you are getting hit with 2x4s here, it is for your own good and best interest, stick with it, keep posting and you’ll get through this.


----------

