# New



## Shorty30

Hello,

I am 30 and my husband is 31 and really need someone to talk to since I don't know what to do anymore and don't have someone close that I can talk to. Me and my husband have been married for 6 years and have been together for almost 8 years. We have two kids and I know over time people change and you get to see the better/worst of them but it seems like I am in a one sided marriage. I do a lot for my kids and husband but don't get much back. Even when I say exactly what I want and things stay the same. Over the last few years things have gotten pretty bad that I just don't know what to do anymore.


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## Tilted 1

Do for yourself first, sounds like your a giver, and most times people, step on givers if they don't get what they want they complain. Then demand more.


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## Shorty30

Right now, it's hard to do things for myself since I can't go anywhere or do much. A few months ago was our anniversary and it didn't go well. After that I stopped doing anything for him and just for me and my kids. It hurts to do because it made me numb and surprise it didn't do anything to him. I am his longest committed relationship and I had a previous really toxic relationship. This is both our first marriage and we don't have family to turn to.


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## AmbitiousOvercomer

Shorty30 said:


> Right now, it's hard to do things for myself since I can't go anywhere or do much. A few months ago was our anniversary and it didn't go well. After that I stopped doing anything for him and just for me and my kids. It hurts to do because it made me numb and surprise it didn't do anything to him. I am his longest committed relationship and I had a previous really toxic relationship. This is both our first marriage and we don't have family to turn to.


I'm sorry to hear about your troubles and most of us know how you might be feeling. So many of us here are for the same reason, a little advice or a listening ear at an anonymous level. I can understand not having anyone to talk to about your personal life and it probably isn't something that you want to discuss with anyone close to the two of you even if you did have someone to confide in. I think you will find some very supportive people here.


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## EleGirl

Some more info might help us help you.

Do you have a job outside the home? If so how many hours a week do you work?

Does he have a job outside the home? If so, how many hours a week does he work?

Do the two of your spend any quality time together, just the two of you without the children?

Does he do a fair share of the housework, child, care shopping, cooking, etc?


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## Shorty30

EleGirl said:


> Some more info might help us help you.
> 
> Do you have a job outside the home? If so how many hours a week do you work?
> 
> Does he have a job outside the home? If so, how many hours a week does he work?
> 
> Do the two of your spend any quality time together, just the two of you without the children?
> 
> Does he do a fair share of the housework, child, care shopping, cooking, etc?


Yes, I work outside the home full time and 40 hours a week. He has a full time job as well and over 40 hours a week. We don't really spend much time together without our kids. Even before the virus we hardly ever really went any where just the two of us. When we did it was out with friends or just the two of us and we didn't really talk about much. The last trip we planned didn't happen due to him making me feel like he wasn't interested in really going. He kind of does his share of the housework and etc but that took years for him to actually help me without having to tell or ask him everyday. It got to a point I stopped doing things for him and took care of everything for me and my kids.


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## Shorty30

AmbitiousOvercomer said:


> I'm sorry to hear about your troubles and most of us know how you might be feeling. So many of us here are for the same reason, a little advice or a listening ear at an anonymous level. I can understand not having anyone to talk to about your personal life and it probably isn't something that you want to discuss with anyone close to the two of you even if you did have someone to confide in. I think you will find some very supportive people here.


Thank you, I used to be able to talk to my family but that fell apart. I don't really want to share with friends how things are going right now.


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## EleGirl

Shorty30 said:


> Yes, I work outside the home full time and 40 hours a week. He has a full time job as well and over 40 hours a week. We don't really spend much time together without our kids. Even before the virus we hardly ever really went any where just the two of us. When we did it was out with friends or just the two of us and we didn't really talk about much. The last trip we planned didn't happen due to him making me feel like he wasn't interested in really going. He kind of does his share of the housework and etc but that took years for him to actually help me without having to tell or ask him everyday. It got to a point I stopped doing things for him and took care of everything for me and my kids.


If you two have spent almost no time quality time together, just the two of you, the current state of your marriage is predictable. A couple needs to spend at least 15 hours a week together, just the two of them, to maintain the connection and passion in a marriage.

This can be changed. It would take some work and time, but it can be fixed. There are two books that could help you: "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read them in that order and do the work that they say to do. Start finding ways to spend more time with him. At some point, hopefully, he would be willing to read the books with you and then the two of you would need to do the work together.


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## Shorty30

EleGirl said:


> If you two have spent almost no time quality time together, just the two of you, the current state of your marriage is predictable. A couple needs to spend at least 15 hours a week together, just the two of them, to maintain the connection and passion in a marriage.
> 
> This can be changed. It would take some work and time, but it can be fixed. There are two books that could help you: "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read them in that order and do the work that they say to do. Start finding ways to spend more time with him. At some point, hopefully, he would be willing to read the books with you and then the two of you would need to do the work together.


Thank you for the advise on the books I’ll purchase them and do what they say. I’m am willing to try anything to fix things


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