# Frugal/saver couples: together how long?



## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

If you and your spouse are both frugal savers and have been for the duration of your marriage, how long have you been married?

Are any divorced?

I expect that they have longer, healthier marriages but I'm not sure.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ntamph said:


> If you and your spouse are both frugal savers and have been for the duration of your marriage, how long have you been married?
> 
> Are any divorced?
> 
> I expect that they have longer, healthier marriages but I'm not sure.


Me & my husband has been together for 31 yrs ...24 married... we were saving yrs before we married....we had dreams & goals... but our jobs weren't nothing to get excited about....both frugally minded .... This was very important to me... most especially if the income was lower....

We had a large wedding & had it paid in full when we walked down the aisle .... He worked in a Grocery Store for the 1st 8 yrs of our marriage ..had 3 kids on that job........ Then he got a better job (15 yrs ago now).. I have been pretty much a "stay at home mom" all of these years.... side jobs here & there... went on to have 3 more kids...

We've never had a fight over ...we've always had a stash to fall back upon...which has given us great comfort...car kicks the bucket...$$ is there for another...Need a new roof, a rider mower.. new tires on the truck, a Disney Vacation.....it's there.... the Loan for our house was for 14 yrs, we cut that in half paying it off in 7... before we had our last son...

We both look upon debt like this >>.. .....we've never paid interest on a car....or even a credit bill (except one time I wanted to see how much interest it would be in 1 month if I just paid the minimum.....curiosity .... it was $7....(small bill)... I thought that was ridiculous and never did that again. Our house was the only thing we've ever paid interest on- in all these years. 

I feel it's important to be on the same page financially, having shared goals, dreams and working together hand in hand to fulfill them...we've always been "do it yourself-ers" too to keep costs down...he's a great handy man/ mechanic .....This has saved us a tremendous amount of money over the years. 

But admittedly we've never cared about a 1st class lifestyle.. our vehicles are older, no expensive monthly cell plans, we only buy water when we eat out, we use coupons, BOGO free offers, always compare prices.. I could write a book here....I will stop!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

ntamph said:


> If you and your spouse are both frugal savers and have been for the duration of your marriage, how long have you been married?
> 
> Are any divorced?
> 
> I expect that they have longer, healthier marriages but I'm not sure.


We've been at it 21 years. 

We stretch every dollar as far as it goes. 

However, I am not a tightwad. If I want something... I got get it. That said, I understand the difference between a need and a want. When I do decide I want something... I do not make emotional purchases. I am going to do my research and decide exactly which one I want... Once I know that, I will search high and low for the best price.

And, I buy a lot of stuff at pawn shops. I'd rather have a used Lexus than a brand new Yugo.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

We are both savers and we have been married 22 years.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

My wife is fairly frugal and researches every purchase, I'm more carefree but still will hesitate on large purchases. We do fight about money though. We've come to understand each other in that regard but she is something of a control freak and she still tends to micromanage me which rubs me the wrong way.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

H and I are both frugal savers; married 27 years, together 32. We have both worked continuously during our marriage and both had good incomes that grew over time (both engineers). We started out with the philosophy that says you do not live the lifestyle that your income will afford instead you aim to live on 1/2 to 2/3 of your income and save/invest the rest. Our goal was to be able to retire at age 50 and, we have achieved that.

Examples of our methods of saving:
If we cannot pay cash for it, we don’t buy it until we save up for it … the only exception was our home.

Don’t buy “too much” house … remember the late 80’s/early 90’s when the advice was “buy as much home as your income will allow and trade up in 5/10 years, rinse and repeat” … we thought that was scary advice.

Never take a second mortgage on your home.

We buy “average” cars and keep them at least 10 years.

We have only 1 credit card that has a great “rewards program” and, is paid in full every month (no interest).

We always contributed the maximum allowed by law to our employer 401(k)’s.

If you are actively involved in your child’s education, public schools are fine so don’t waste money on private school tuition.

We research every major purchase for quality, durability, best price and resale value (where applicable).


I would not say we have had a "healthy marriage" but at least we never fought about money .


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Red Sonja....you and husband sound just like us , except you and he make A LOT more money being Engineers.... We would be considered lower income with our family size....but every piece of advice you gave...we have always lived (except we use more than 1 rewards credit card)....we've been debt free for about 8 yrs now. 

No retiring in his 50's though......he'll be working till they throw him off the RR.... 

I often think if they ran the Government similar to how some of us run our financial lives....we wouldn't be in the mess we are today.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Red Sonja....you and husband sound just like us , except you and he make A LOT more money being Engineers.... We would be considered lower income with our family size....but every piece of advice you gave...we have always lived (except we use more than 1 rewards credit card)....we've been debt free for about 8 yrs now.
> 
> No retiring in his 50's though......he'll be working till they throw him off the RR....
> 
> I often think if they ran the Government similar to how some of us run our financial lives....we wouldn't be in the mess we are today.


The problem is, the government never... ever cuts expenses to match their income.

If a program is in the red... they simply increase funding.


Our country is addicted to credit. And unfortunately, our government owns a printing press and can simply print more money. 

We are in a downward spiral that is not going to end well and I see absolutely no political will to change anything.

I think, part of the problem, is not very many citizens understand that the key to accumulating wealth is not increasing your income so that you earn more money than you can spend. I don't care how much money you make, you can always spend more. The key to accumulating wealth is controlling your spending. 

You see, so many people see no value in having money in the bank. 

Those commercials that say, "Get ALL the credit you are entitled to".. that kind of philosophy just drives you deeper in debt.

The vast majority of our citizens just don't understand fiscal responsibility. An the whole, Americans are terrible with money. Even the rich people are bad at handling money. But, they can afford to be poor money managers.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband wasn't a saver before he met me, he would spend whatever he earned. But after we met, I convinced him to save money, and he listened, today he is very thankful that I changed him. 

We have been together for ten years, and married for eight. Financially we are very secure. 

We don't compare ourselves with others. We are not envious of those people who have showy stuff. 

Like Hambone said, what you want is not what you need. Buy what you need, not what you want. We live our life based on this principle. For example, everybody wants a car and has a car. We realize that we don't need a car, so we don't own a car. We save a lot of money from not having a car. We could afford a $300,000 apartment, but we bought a $100,000 apartment. We just don't need a big apartment, a two-bedroom apartment is big enough for us. We keep our apartment basic and simple, there is no need to crowd our place with a lot of furniture. And it's giving us a lot of space because we don't make it crowded. We don't buy brand name stuff, the name isn't worth the money. We do buy good quality stuff and hope it lasts longer, so we don't need to change it often. 

When you are not competing with others, and just be happy living your simple life, there is a lot of peace. I enjoy the peace we have. I will never want to exchange it with a showy lifestyle which causes other people to be jealous and also brings a lot of stress to ourselves.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

greenpearl said:


> My husband wasn't a saver before he met me, he would spend whatever he earned. But after we met, I convinced him to save money, and he listened, today he is very thankful that I changed him.
> 
> We have been together for ten years, and married for eight. Financially we are very secure.
> 
> ...


Like me and SA, you are running a different game from a whole bunch of people. I don't live to impress people with how much money I have. 

My motto is, "Live a Godly life, do what is right for your family and let the Jones' keep up with you".

Here's the deal, you can spend it... or save it... you can't do both. 

Those people driving the fancy cars, living in the fancy home etc ... most of them, if they miss a paycheck, the bank comes and get's all their stuff. 

But, what do most people think? They are RICH! Why, because they have the trappings of wealth.

See, most people don't want to be rich.. they want to spend money like they are rich. And they are willing to go deep into debt to appear rich.

Who want's to work their asses off..at the expense of their children and family? A LOT of people.

I would rather live simply and frugally.. so I can spend more time with my family. Having a close knit family... a happy family is priceless.

And the vast majority of people are peddling so hard... to have more stuff... that they are missing out on true happiness.

Are you familiar with the term "pride of ownership"? It's the pride people have because their house is bigger than yours... they have the latest iphone, their car is newer than yours... etc Pride of ownership a huge waste of time and energy. 

I don't care to spend my time, or have friends, who have to remind me constantly that they have nicer stuff than I do. That's not the kind of friends I want. I want friends who like ME. 

I just experienced a moment that reminded me how important friends... friends who really care for you are. Exactly one week ago.. at this very time 10:40am.. Our grandson passed away.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

hambone said:


> I just experienced a moment that reminded me how important friends... friends who really care for you are. Exactly one week ago.. at this very time 10:40am.. Our grandson passed away.


I am very sorry to know that. I also understand what you mean about important friends. They are there for you when you are dealing with grief and difficulties. This kind of friends are precious and rare!!!


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## Chelhxi (Oct 30, 2008)

We were always savers. Married 5 years. We also keep our money mostly separate so we can both continue to manage our money how we wish, so we don't have to fight about it. Neither of us could stand being married to someone who was bad with money, or who insisted on controlling the other person's spending or saving habits.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

hambone said:


> Like me and SA, you are running a different game from a whole bunch of people. I don't live to impress people with how much money I have.
> 
> 
> My motto is, "Live a Godly life, do what is right for your family and let the Jones' keep up with you".


Trying to impress people will only give us stress. I don't know if people who are doing this realize it or not. 



hambone said:


> Here's the deal, you can spend it... or save it... you can't do both.
> 
> Those people driving the fancy cars, living in the fancy home etc ... most of them, if they miss a paycheck, the bank comes and get's all their stuff.
> 
> ...


For those people who have money, they can spend their money how they want. For those people who are not rich, but want to appear to be rich and want to give people this kind of image, their vanity is the cause. Borrowing money to live the kind of lifestyle which isn't within our reach, it will only make us feel more insecure. 



hambone said:


> Who want's to work their asses off..at the expense of their children and family? A LOT of people.


YES, and it's sad to see. Now people are so wrapped up in this material world, they fail to see the real importance in life. What is really important for us is actually things money can't buy. Family unity needs us to spend time together and do things together. Your children won't feel close to you when you just give them a toy. They feel close to you when you play with them. Giving them too much material stuff actually makes their appetite big and it will be more difficult for them to be content with simple things. 



hambone said:


> I would rather live simply and frugally.. so I can spend more time with my family. Having a close knit family... a happy family is priceless.


The sooner we realize this in life, the better for us. It doesn't mean we are irresponsible and lazy and don't want to work hard, we just choose to live a more balanced life. YES, a happy and close family is priceless. This is what money can't buy. 



hambone said:


> And the vast majority of people are peddling so hard... to have more stuff... that they are missing out on true happiness.
> 
> Are you familiar with the term "pride of ownership"? It's the pride people have because their house is bigger than yours... they have the latest iphone, their car is newer than yours... etc Pride of ownership a huge waste of time and energy.


It's all fake feeling. I talked to my husband about why people like to compete. Competition is supposed to motivate people. Competition makes businesses do a better job and provides a better service. Competition at school is making students study harder and learn more. But because we are familiar with competition, we start our own competition, we keep on comparing ourselves with people around us. This kind of constant competition is only making us more unsatisfied with our life. Who can always be the winner? And always trying to stay on top only means a lot of stress. 



hambone said:


> I don't care to spend my time, or have friends, who have to remind me constantly that they have nicer stuff than I do. That's not the kind of friends I want. I want friends who like ME.


I view this kind of people shallow, and this kind of behavior annoys me. Sometimes it is just interesting to see how much people don't know. And sometimes they know it, they can't apply it into their life.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Together 18 years. He's more the spender, I'm more the saver. 

He didn't know about saving and budgeting and such when we first got together. He wanted to learn and I needed him to! I think we have managed to find a sweet balance between us. He's more open to financial risk and this has helped us. I'm more financially conservative and this has also helped us. Our goals are aligned and that makes a difference.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

I am more of the saver, and my wife enjoys shopping. So we have had some discussions over the years. But we are working on compromises. 

We have only been married for 39 years now. She makes me handle the finances. I do wish we could discuss a few issues as we go along, but she takes care of more than her share with the kids and the house. 

I have worked hard for many years, but I wish we were in better shape than we are. When I list our assets, we are worth a million, but that is not enough these days to retire and do some of the things we would like to do. 

We have sacrificed for many years, raised the kids, (some come back) and need to work for a few more years. My wife does think that when I take George Washington out of my billfold, that he blinks because of the light. 

But I do want to make sure I do not become as poor as we were when we started. So I will keep George Washington out of the light.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Married 22 years. I'm the frugal one he's more the spender.

I taught him how to manage money and he taught me how to live.

Win/win.


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## pinotnoir (Jul 13, 2013)

I am more frugal, my wife (and 2 of 3 kids) like to spend. It is one more thing that may cause a divorce.


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