# Worried for my 12 years old grandson.



## redrainbows (Mar 15, 2011)

Can anyone give advice please especially if they have been in this situation themselves.

My son and ex-daughter in law have been divorced now for 7 years. They have two children a boy of 12 and a girl of 10.
My ex-daughter -in-law had an affair after they married who was my sons best friend and eventually got pregnant by him and they have a four year old daughter. He was violent to her many times and moved into the family home after my son left.

My grandson saw many things that no-one his age should have to witness and begged his mother to throw this man out.
Well she now has but its left my grandson very messed up.

My son who for 6 years was devoted to his children and did everything for them and put his life on hold for them but now has met someone and fell in love. They can see a future together.
Now's the upsetting bit. My grandson has told his dad that he hates this woman, she a witch, ugly and has no intention of ever meeting her or having anything to do with her. To say his dad is devastated is an understatement.

He has once met this woman but not with his dad and seems to have taken a dislike to her.

At the weekend my son asked his children again if they would like to meet her and his son walked out and then said, either her or me
My son said he is not going to give this person up as deserves some happiness in life. ( his tried to take his own life many years ago). He ended up taking his son home but gave him a hug and would see him as usual at the weekend.

Now this morning my grandson rings me up and asks me to talk to his dad but i want to keep out of it. I love my son and grandson to bits and would do anything for them but am too ill in myself with all this.

We are a very close family but i don't know how to deal with this and feel i need to take a step back from it all.
Any idea's please?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

redrainbows said:


> Can anyone give advice please especially if they have been in this situation themselves.
> 
> My son and ex-daughter in law have been divorced now for 7 years. They have two children a boy of 12 and a girl of 10.
> My ex-daughter -in-law had an affair after they married who was my sons best friend and eventually got pregnant by him and they have a four year old daughter. He was violent to her many times and moved into the family home after my son left.
> ...


First advise Dad to consider that this is his son's traumatic experience with Mom's choice. He needs to focus on helping his son rather than the pain it is causing him. If Dad has made a decent choice of a decent woman, he should proceed with that with calm toward his son.




> He has once met this woman but not with his dad and seems to have taken a dislike to her.
> 
> At the weekend my son asked his children again if they would like to meet her and his son walked out and then said, either her or me


Ok Dad needs to stop pressing. He should continue to date the woman if he wishes. But he should stop pressing his traumatized son. Keep them separate for now.



> My son said he is not going to give this person up as deserves some happiness in life. ( his tried to take his own life many years ago). He ended up taking his son home but gave him a hug and would see him as usual at the weekend.


Not only does he have a right to happiness, it is not a great idea to give a 12 yo that much power over your life.



> Now this morning my grandson rings me up and asks me to talk to his dad but i want to keep out of it. I love my son and grandson to bits and would do anything for them but am too ill in myself with all this.
> 
> We are a very close family but i don't know how to deal with this and feel i need to take a step back from it all.
> Any idea's please?


Advise the father to get he and his son into family counseling and individual counseling for his son.


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## redrainbows (Mar 15, 2011)

Hi Mom, and thankyou for your quick reply and advice.
I totally agree with what you have said.

Had a phone call about 10mins ago. My son is coming around later for a chat.

As i said to my son last night, a 12 year old cannot hold you to ransom over your life. His has a right to a good life himself.

I also agree my grandson needs councelling too as he is bottling so much up. 

Thankyou again. Much appreciated. :smthumbup:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your grandson is mirroring the abusive actions of his temporary stepfather. He'll need counseling to learn to overcome that. Ask your son to talk to his exwife about it.

Your son needs to be the adult here and not take what his son says personally. He's angry that he didn't get the life he should have, as he has a right to. But he needs to deal with it with a professional.


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