# I'm in menopause, he's on viagra. I dislike sex but not orgasm. HELP!!



## ewhitake (Feb 23, 2012)

My husband and I have been together for 15+ years. He's been on viagra for at least the last 5. I've known I'm in menopause for the last year or so.

Our sex life was never that energetic but I didn't have any objection to it. Probably because my enjoyment comes from seeing my partner pleasured. When he finally needed viagra (about 3 years ago) in order to achieve erection at all, sex became routine and boring. Mostly because once you got him going you couldn't be creative, or pleasure me for long, because he comes to fast. 

At the same time I started to gain weight and then menopause set it and I can't let him see me naked and I have no desire for him. I love to masturbate but I just don't want him. He wants me though. All the time! It's like he's 16. 

I've finally ordered a toy so we can maybe incorporate that in to our sex life. The weight gain/body issue thing is something I have to work on. But the lack of spontaneity, (taking cealis for daily use isn't an option for us), his inability to take direction, not being able stay hard during foreplay doesn't allow me to relax around him. If I do he takes it for a signal that I want to have sex. So I'm always up tight.

I don't know - this is a mess and I don't know how to fix it 

Should I tell him how I feel or suffer in silence and try to steer him in the right direction?


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Absolutely you should tell him how you feel. One of the biggest eroding factors to relationships is a lack of communication. Without getting things out on the table and into the open, two individuals cannot work on their problems together because there's no windows of visibility. Then as time goes on, unaddressed issues start to fester and create resentment and anger and can downright destroy a relationship completely.

If you love your husband and want any chance of happiness for the both of you, you need to be able to talk and share feelings without it becoming a finger-pointing blame game. it needs to be a team effort to work together on your issues. It is both of your responsibilities to make each other happy.

Gently open up to your husband and just start talking. Reassure him that you want to work with him because you love him and you want both of you to be happy in your relationship. Make sure you use words like "we, us, together, ours" and not "you, me" so much. This is about both of your needs being met, so make sure it comes out that way.


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## ewhitake (Feb 23, 2012)

Thanks Bottled Up! We've never talked about sex so this will be a difficult conversation for the both of us. But it's got to be done


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