# Possibly cheating?



## zsmama (Jun 10, 2011)

I'm not sure how to start this, except to ask first if anyone's currently on right now? I could really use some help, and am not quite sure where to begin...I think my husband's starting down the slippery slope of cheating, and I don't know what to do...Anyone here?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

There are always plenty of people on TAM. It would be really helpful, if you will give us more details.


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## zsmama (Jun 10, 2011)

Hm...how to be brief...I'm not very familiar with all the lingo, since this is my 1st post...Married 5 years, together 7...thought things were pretty good, some bumps along the way, nothing huge...About 3 months ago, major blow out...I've never even entertained the notion of being unfaithful, and now husband says he's been talking/texting/msg someone else. I know nothing physical. His kids are here for about 4 more weeks, after which he says he "owes' me therapy to see if things can work out. I asked him to stop texting her, and I know he still is...Opinions? (And please be honest, but not stupid, I'm not looking for any bashing here, just well-thought responses to a situation I'd never thought I'd be in,)


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

At the very least it sounds as though he is involved in an emotional affair. That's bad enough and should be stopped. Do you know who this woman is? Also, do you think he may already be seeing her?


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## zsmama (Jun 10, 2011)

No idea, except that it's someone he met in a continuing education class close to 6 months ago. I don't think he's met her in person beyond the class (which was over a few months ago), and especially since his kids are in town now, it would be hard to hide her from them...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

What happens when the kids are gone...play time?
There's the possibility that he's just blowing smoke about the therapy, in order to throw you a bone and get you off of his tail.
And he says he "owes" it to you? Sounds like he's not 100% into this marriage.


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

Any ideas why he feels the need to text/talk to this woman? I am surprised that he actually admitted this to you..very few cheaters do. It may be an EA now, but quite a few develop into a full blown PA.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

The sign are there right in front of you. You know exactly in your gut. This is the worst part, you think you're going crazy, because there was never any reason to doubt the relationship in the past.

I wish you luck,and not a membership of this club !


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## zsmama (Jun 10, 2011)

I'm not sure what happens when the kids leave...I do know my gut is in knots constantly. As for knowing why he feels the need to talk, he claims that I stopped listening to him (not true--really) when he was struggling with some work issues, and that I don't understand because I don't have kids, and she does.

I can't believe I've stooped so low to checking our cell phone bill, but he texts her more than we seem to even be talking to each other. I've seen posts saying I should stop snooping, and I should confront him about it, but I can't do either. It's almost as if just the knowledge is killing me slowly...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

And you haven't done nearly enough snooping and investigating yet. You need to do way more before you have the talk. Have concrete evidence when you confront him. You may need to look into voice activated recorders for his car, key loggers for his computer, etc. I bet there is an iceberg of evidence out there--you are just seeing the "tip" of it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Reading between the lines, he's as much as admitted to having at least an emotional affair. Your choice is whether you're willing to tolerate this, or if you won't put up with it. Right now, your non-decision is to put up with it. In effect, you're condoning his behaviour.

My advice... Put your foot down now, not in 4 weeks. He either stops it, or one of you leaves. Doesn't matter if you learn more or not. What you know already is enough. One of the conditions for staying would be he stops talking to her. Another one would be counseling for the two of you.

He's not going to change his behaviour because there's no reason for him to change. Well, I guess if he gets a better offer from the other woman, he might have a reason to change. Or if she happens to dump him, I guess... But he's not going to change for you, because you let him walk all over you.

Sorry to be harsh, but it's time for some reality. If nothing else, start making preparations for a divorce/separation. Get some money together and start budgeting, start getting an idea of what your rights/obligations are, look for places to live (assuming you're the one to move out).

C


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