# Updating cyberland!



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

Hey y'all. I haven't been on here in forever.

I had created an account on here a few months ago, hoping to find some answers to my relationship. I think it just became another sad reminder that I really will never have the relationship I want. I know how that sounds, but its just truth.

There were a few of you that really encouraged me, and I am grateful for that. I know my husband loves me. But he just doesn't have it in him to be IN LOVE with me. You know, where you come home and you are excited to see your spouse, you desire to hold and touch her. You want give her passionate kisses more than once every 6-7 months. I want him to look at me and desire to have me near him, feeling me.

The only time he want make out with me, touch me or be intimate with me in any way, is if he wants sex. That happens about every 4-5 months now.

I have communicated with him, too many times in every way possible. I have straight out said "this is what I need you to do". He says he understands my hurt and loneliness, but never changes. This has been a cycle for DECADES and I can't do it anymore.

I have resolved that we will finish our years out as best friends, and thats pretty much it. I have no desire to wait until he's horney and wants sex, 2-3 times a year. No thank you! Its painful and I just cant. It leaves ME craving HIM in those in between months.

He gives me a peck kiss almost each night before bed. We have the "I love you, love you too" words. He will message me at times while he's at work, saying he loves me, or thinking me. I know he really does. He only focuses on work and says it takes everything from him. He has nothing left. Personally I don't see why his job is that demanding, but whatever. I am tired of trying to figure it out. Reading articles. Talking, talking, talking...TALKING.

Someone asked another person on here (a while ago) why she's on here if she's given up on sex within her marriage. That has been dancing across my brain the last few weeks, and its makes sense. So I wanted to thanks you all who took your time to talk with me., give me advice and support me. Even if it was a very short time. I appreciate it so much!

But I have completely resolved that sex in my life is over. For good. Its just how it will be. It's less painful this way. I don't have to feel rejected or lonely becasue I desire something my husband wont give. I am still bit sad and lonely, but with expectations removed, not a deeply. Maybe in time, I wont be at all.

Thanks!! Mary


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Mary L said:


> I think it just became another sad reminder that I really will never have the relationship I want.


You're right. You will never have the relationship you want... _if _you choose to stay in this one.

There are other options. You don't have to stay in a loveless, sexless, lonely marriage. You've wasted enough time with this man, why give him any more?


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Another thought -- have you and/or your husband read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman? It describes the various modes that people have for showing/receiving love. touch, works, words, etc..
I have a feeling that YOU are very touch oriented and he is not at all. You'd both have to take the test to find out (should be able to find it online).
This is of course assuming he would do this at all -- he doesn't sound like he is "in" the marriage, but just trucking along.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

This is so sad to read. You've got one shot at this life Mary and you're throwing it away.

I was in a sexless marriage. We had many other issues as well but the lack of sex would have ended things anyway. We divorced two and half years ago. I'm 48 years old and for the first time in my life I've met someone who actually looks forward to seeing me, he misses the hell out of me when we're apart (his words), he can't keep his hands off and the sex is mind blowing.

I don't know that this new relationship will end up being permanent, we're just six months in but it's opened my eyes to how much I was missing in my marriage. The affection and tenderness, the obvious need to just be near each other, to soak each other up as much as possible.....I wouldn't go back for anything.

I'm sure your husband is a good guy but that's not enough. There's so much more to a relationship.


----------



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

How old are you? Are there any young children to consider?


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> Another thought -- have you and/or your husband read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman? It describes the various modes that people have for showing/receiving love. touch, works, words, etc..
> I have a feeling that YOU are very touch oriented and he is not at all. You'd both have to take the test to find out (should be able to find it online).
> This is of course assuming he would do this at all -- he doesn't sound like he is "in" the marriage, but just trucking along.


i was going to suggest this too. Maybe he IS horny for you, but is showing his interest and love for you in a way that you completely can not fathom. And vice versa.

another idea is that maybe your husband is bored with the TYPE of sex you two do. Have you tried something new? There are literally a thousand ways to spice up your sex life....new kinks to learn and try. The "newness" of some new sexual technique might be the thing that wakes your husband up from his slumber?


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

how about secretly buying this board game:









Monogamy A Hot Affair With Your Partner Game - Sex Games and Books | Adam & Eve


The top-rated foreplay game for couples! The longer you play, the steamier it gets. Ideal for spicing up your love life! Order now for discreet shipping.




www.adameve.com





Whipping it out after supper some night, after you have slipped into something a little see thru....
and have some fun?

the way i see it, what do you have to lose? Give new things a try.

probably best to play it by candlelight, with a bottle of wine open and ready. maybe some grapes to feed each other handy too? Some whipped cream in a can?


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

@Mary L ,

I can relate to being done with ever looking again to one’s partner for what you need and hunger for. Having the expectation that “maybe tonight” you’ll get a crumb is an immense and soul-crushing burden.

I’m sad to hear of someone exiling a part of herself because it’s too painful. I truly hope it works for you, and that the good parts of your connection thrive and nourish you. Seems to work for some.

You certainly have deserved, and still deserve, better.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Mary L said:


> But I have completely resolved that sex in my life is over. For good. Its just how it will be. It's less painful this way. I don't have to feel rejected or lonely becasue I desire something my husband wont give. I am still bit sad and lonely, but with expectations removed, not a deeply. Maybe in time, I wont be at all.


I hope he's worth it. 

Doesn't sound like he *is*, but to each their own.


----------



## Roselake (Aug 6, 2020)

Mary, its sad read this and I certainly wish better for you. My situation is so similar that I could have written this same post. It is an awful place to be. I hope you can find some happiness since you seem like such a kind person.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm not being cynical here, but if you want somebody who's genuinely thrilled to see you every time you walk in the door, get a dog. 

But I agree with the others that you should get a new man if it's possible. I always hate to recommend just go out and find one because you could end up with someone who is bad. And a lot of guys are not going to be that eager when you walk in the house to just see you. A lot of guys are going to be affectionate when they want sex just like your husband only more often. So you at least need to be realistic. Some guys aren't really that eager to come home and sit down and have a talk with you and communicate but just want to be left alone or just want to be fed or just want to have sex. 

But you might get lucky and find one who really likes to communicate and really is happy to come home to you and also wants to have sex. Just be realistic about it. I don't know how old you are, but in general if you're going to get out of a marriage do it young so you can find another partner easier. 

Good luck.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm not being cynical here, but if you want somebody who's genuinely thrilled to see you every time you walk in the door, get a dog.
> 
> But I agree with the others that you should get a new man if it's possible. I always hate to recommend just go out and find one because you could end up with someone who is bad. And a lot of guys are not going to be that eager when you walk in the house to just see you. A lot of guys are going to be affectionate when they want sex just like your husband only more often. So you at least need to be realistic. Some guys aren't really that eager to come home and sit down and have a talk with you and communicate but just want to be left alone or just want to be fed or just want to have sex.
> 
> ...


I have a dog, he gets so excited when I come home, he pees himself! I don't want that from my husband.
He comes home, it would be nice for him to be happy to be around me.
Excited may have been a strong word. Since I was in a very hurting place 4 months ago, I used it. I don't expect him to jump up and down and drool. But to acknowledge my presence would be nice. There are WEEKS that go by and if I didnt speak to him, he wouldn't notice me hardly at all. He says its work. He either" focuses on work, or a relationship." I have heard that for years. He's always been like this,
I was so in love with this man, I use to take the crumbs and just be happy when he did come home with a smile and kiss. I think that's the hardest too. One week he ignores me totally, he next he walks in saying "well hi babe!" and give me a hug or kiss. Like he's actually happy to see me.

I have stayed home all these years and raised kids and have no where to go. That was my life and I gave it everything. I am stuck. And thats fine. He's not a mean man. We just live as friends. I would love to have someone who wants to hold me, or flirt with me. I am not asking for the moon, just attention now and again. Wife attention.

I have friends whose husbands aren't ignoring their wives until they want sex. A very close friend of mine, she and her husband date, go on vacations, snuggle to movies from time to time. They are happy. He has sent her flowers just to say "I love you" Only a couple ties over the years, but there are these little sweet things, thoughtful things. Birthday gifts, valentines sweetness. He has said how she's the "brightness in his dark day" He tells her she beautiful. I have heard him comment on an outfit looking nice on her.
They have sex one or twice a week, that works for them And they are HAPPY! He is into her, even after all these years. Obviously I can't model my marriage from others, nor do I want to. I don't care tif he sends me flowers. We won't ever go on vacations. And thats okay. It would be nice, sure I would love vacations. But they aren't deal breakers. Date nights now and again would be nice. It would be nice to hear I am pretty from time to time. 
I am just using them as an example of a couple whose husband does like going home to his wife, even on days they won't have sex.

I don't think my expectations are over the top. When he starting having issues with ED, I never, ever made him feel bad.I never made a big deal about it. After it continued (after a few years) I asked him to go talk to his GP. Nope. He was okay with the way things were, why wasn't I.

As time has went on, I get less and less attention from him. So yes, I at times REALLY wish he was happy (excited) to see me.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

bobert said:


> You're right. You will never have the relationship you want... _if _you choose to stay in this one.
> 
> There are other options. You don't have to stay in a loveless, sexless, lonely marriage. You've wasted enough time with this man, why give him any more?


You're most likely right...


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Mary L said:


> I have a dog, he gets so excited when I come home, he pees himself! I don't want that from my husband.
> He comes home, it would be nice for him to be happy to be around me.
> Excited may have been a strong word. Since I was in a very hurting place 4 months ago, I used it. I don't expect him to jump up and down and drool. But to acknowledge my presence would be nice. There are WEEKS that go by and if I didnt speak to him, he wouldn't notice me hardly at all. He says its work. He either" focuses on work, or a relationship." I have heard that for years. He's always been like this,
> I was so in love with this man, I use to take the crumbs and just be happy when he did come home with a smile and kiss. I think that's the hardest too. One week he ignores me totally, he next he walks in saying "well hi babe!" and give me a hug or kiss. Like he's actually happy to see me.
> ...


I guess now that sex is out of the equation he is just indifferent. I'd like to say that is unusual but I don't think it is. What are you going to do if he decides to divorce you someday? you need to be preparing yourself for a plan b.


----------



## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

I think you have tried your best to get your husband to respond.

In my opinion, you should have no guilt to leave this relationship, if that is what you decide to do. 

Good luck to you.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

From your description, I would say he is so detached and so disconnected, he may not care or even notice whatever you do.

So my suggestion is just do whatever you want. If you want to start filling the house with cats, do it 🐈. 

If you want to join some kind of club or civic group that interests you, what’s stopping you?

If you want to divorce, you can start seeing lawyers and working out all the paperwork right there on the kitchen table in the evening and he won’t even notice or care.

Or if you want to find some young, hot stud on the side and stay in the home, what would it matter to him? Why would he care, it’s not like he is going to get herpes or anything from you so why should he care??

You’re just cohabiting in the same house now. You say you’ve given up on sex. You’re the one late to the party, he did that many years ago. 

It’s your life and he doesn’t care, so start living your life and do whatever you want. He opted out of your world many years ago.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If I may ask, what is HE getting out of this arrangement? What is in it for him at this point? How is HE benefiting from remaining in the marriage?

Are you fixing his meals and feeding him?

Are you doing his laundry?

Is there anything that he would notice or care if you stopped doing?

Why is he still there? What is keeping him in the marriage if he is so disconnected from you?


----------



## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Mary L said:


> I have a dog, he gets so excited when I come home, he pees himself! I don't want that from my husband.
> He comes home, it would be nice for him to be happy to be around me.
> Excited may have been a strong word. Since I was in a very hurting place 4 months ago, I used it. I don't expect him to jump up and down and drool. But to acknowledge my presence would be nice. There are WEEKS that go by and if I didnt speak to him, he wouldn't notice me hardly at all. He says its work. He either" focuses on work, or a relationship." I have heard that for years. He's always been like this,
> I was so in love with this man, I use to take the crumbs and just be happy when he did come home with a smile and kiss. I think that's the hardest too. One week he ignores me totally, he next he walks in saying "well hi babe!" and give me a hug or kiss. Like he's actually happy to see me.
> ...


Oh Mary!!!! I'm SO sorry...I was hoping you hadn't been back here because things were going so well for you...

It's terrible to hear you sound so hopeless (especially because I know exactly how that feels)...what are you thinking of doing going forward...??


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I guess now that sex is out of the equation he is just indifferent. I'd like to say that is unusual but I don't think it is. What are you going to do if he decides to divorce you someday? you need to be preparing yourself for a plan b.


At least would put effort into SOMETHING!!


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> From your description, I would say he is so detached and so disconnected, he may not care or even notice whatever you do.
> 
> So my suggestion is just do whatever you want. If you want to start filling the house with cats, do it 🐈.
> 
> ...


That is exactly what I've began doing. I'm done being unhappy. I don't want to divorce, I know that doesn't make sense to so many people reading this. But that's not who I am. I believe in marriage even if my husband doesn't.
I don't care to have another man. But we are just cohabitating right now. It's pretty much been this way for years, you are absolutely right.

When I wrote this original post 6 months ago, I was so broken!! Very hurt and confused. I had been for a very long time but it was just reaching a peak. And then about two months ago I just decided to start living life for me. I've never done that before. He very much opted out of my world many years ago. And it's sad, because we could've had an amazing marriage


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

LisaDiane said:


> Oh Mary!!!! I'm SO sorry...I was hoping you hadn't been back here because things were going so well for you...
> 
> It's terrible to hear you sound so hopeless (especially because I know exactly how that feels)...what are you thinking of doing going forward...??


Thank you. Our marriage has went from sex 4-5 times a year, now we have not had sex in over nine months now. I decided I would not deny him, but I also won't beg and ask him. Its been just over 9 months now. He doesn't even make an effort... not even on our anniversary. But I got card  That was nice (enter sarcasm).
So I've been focusing on me. The last couple of months especially. I'm working out again, I'm gonna learn to play the guitar. I've always wanted to learn how to play the guitar. I'm just learning to love me. I don't know where tomorrow's going to lead me, but I know I'm not gonna look at the sad condition that I've been in.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> If I may ask, what is HE getting out of this arrangement? What is in it for him at this point? How is HE benefiting from remaining in the marriage?
> 
> Are you fixing his meals and feeding him?
> 
> ...


This is really the life he wants. He has never had a huge sex drive, even in his 20s. By the time he hit 45 I was practically begging for it anytime I want to be intimate. And intimacy in my opinion isn't just sex!
I do the laundry, I clean the house, I make the meals, grocery shop, a pretty much do everything. I don't really know what he does except for work outside the home. Which is a lot, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't mow the yard in the summer. He doesn't shovel snow in the winter. He doesn't pay bills, I do that. So yeah he pretty much has the life he wants. If I were to leave or he would somehow choose to divorce me… He wouldn't even know how to pay our mortgage.
I feel like I need to say, I'm okay being that type of wife. I'm okay doing all the cooking and cleaning while he works all day. I'm okay to pay the bills. But I'm not okay with is the lack of intimacy in a relationship. Occasion he will help if I ask him. But only select things.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

Roselake said:


> Mary, its sad read this and I certainly wish better for you. My situation is so similar that I could have written this same post. It is an awful place to be. I hope you can find some happiness since you seem like such a kind person.


Thank you!! That means a lot. 
I am choosing happiness for me, no matter what. It took me a little while to get here, but none of this is my fault. That I'm sure of. I've tried everything.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> how about secretly buying this board game:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I have bought board games, card games. There's a lot of things that I have tried that I never thought that I would've tried before. I've tried so hard to spice things up, put a new twist to our intimacy.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> Another thought -- have you and/or your husband read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman? It describes the various modes that people have for showing/receiving love. touch, works, words, etc..
> I have a feeling that YOU are very touch oriented and he is not at all. You'd both have to take the test to find out (should be able to find it online).
> This is of course assuming he would do this at all -- he doesn't sound like he is "in" the marriage, but just trucking along.


I have read the book. I read the book a few years ago. He doesn't have any care to read stuff like this. I've tried to pass on snippets to him, links to articles. Anything I give him, he reads it. Always seems to agree with it. But then nothing changes. We don't build off of anything. There's no discussions.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> How old are you? Are there any young children to consider?


We have adult children, so no. Not really.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Mary, I lived this way for over 10 years. It started with all kind of excuses, including ED, "too tired", "too stressed". He asked me to give him time, after all he'd been there for me through health challenges, it was his turn now. Fair enough, I too believed in marriage and loved him enough to sacrifice that part of me.

I dealt with depression, and it took a huge toll on my self-esteem and self-confidence. You know what I got for that? A huge kick in the ass, when I discovered his affair with a 19 y/o employee. He had absolutely no remorse, just blame shifted everything to me. I was the problem, I was too much "work" sexually, he hadn't been attracted to me for years, but he was now oh so in love.

I wish I hadn't wasted 20 years on him, but it was my choice and I accept that. It's wonderful that you're improving yourself and occupying your time, but that won't make a difference. Is this truly the life you want and can be happy with a decade from now? The man is sucking the life out of you and benefits a great deal from your labor. It's honestly better to be on your own, at least you'll have peace.

The mental toll this loveless, soulless life takes on you is incalculable. I never thought myself worthy of more, and was genuinely surprised at the sheer amount of men interested in me, as I was. I am happily divorced, dated a few men and am very happy with a steady bf who I'm not too much "work" for sexually. I am moving on with things I never thought I'd be able to do, furthering my education, choosing a new path, and working towards an old dream of mine.

Maybe you're just not ready yet, but give it some thought. Don't wait until you're forced to act to seize life by the balls again. Good luck to you!


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Mary L said:


> I'm not okay with is the lack of intimacy in a relationship.


At some point you have to stand up for yourself and tell him it has to happen. Work out a schedule for sex to happen regularly and gradually learn how to improve that part of your marriage. If he agrees, it will be awkward and difficult at first. Gradually you teach each other how to be more loving for one another in that regard. 

If he flat out refuses, the you continue working on yourself and do whatever it is you need to do to be happy with yourself and your life. You deserve more than just a guitar to pass the time, you deserve someone that will make you feel loved. If you want that you have to stand up for yourself and make it happen!


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

That is sad, but I'm glad you have moved forward with your life in whatever way you are comfortable with.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> Mary, I lived this way for over 10 years. It started with all kind of excuses, including ED, "too tired", "too stressed". He asked me to give him time, after all he'd been there for me through health challenges, it was his turn now. Fair enough, I too believed in marriage and loved him enough to sacrifice that part of me.
> 
> I dealt with depression, and it took a huge toll on my self-esteem and self-confidence. You know what I got for that? A huge kick in the ass, when I discovered his affair with a 19 y/o employee. He had absolutely no remorse, just blame shifted everything to me. I was the problem, I was too much "work" sexually, he hadn't been attracted to me for years, but he was now oh so in love.
> 
> ...


I know you're right. And I've thought about all of this. Where will I be in another 10 years, and another 20 years? Right now I'm going to live life for me. I'm gonna take my slice of the pie. Meaning I feel like I have been used all of these years. Used to raise our kids, I homeschooled alone, I deal with every aspect of our home and finances. I have worked my butt off for this family. I have given my husband everything. Every part of me. And whether it's right or wrong, it's my time. I have a familiar home, I have financial security. And for now anyway, I'm going to use this to my benefit.
I can get up and go to the gym, I can walk the park… I have everything I need here in this house to build ME. To work on me. I don't have any care for any type of romance right now, so I'm not in a hurry to move on. And it's not even on my radar right now. I have been happier the last two months than I think I have been in years. Mentally I just look at it as I'm living with a good friend. I know that's not super healthy, but it's where I'm at right now and it's getting me through day-to-day. At least for now


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

badsanta said:


> At some point you have to stand up for yourself and tell him it has to happen. Work out a schedule for sex to happen regularly and gradually learn how to improve that part of your marriage. If he agrees, it will be awkward and difficult at first. Gradually you teach each other how to be more loving for one another in that regard.
> 
> If he flat out refuses, the you continue working on yourself and do whatever it is you need to do to be happy with yourself and your life. You deserve more than just a guitar to pass the time, you deserve someone that will make you feel loved. If you want that you have to stand up for yourself and make it happen!


I tried to schedule intimacy long long ago. When I say I have tried everything, I have tried everything. I think it was hard for me to reconcile that my husband just is not into sex. Because I thought that was the one and only main thing that guys thought about. The things that I initiated with my husband would make some men blush. He's just not interested. I don't know if he's a sexual, if he just has an extremely low sex drive. I really do not believe he's having an affair. I'm not naïve, I literally know where this man is at almost every second of every day because of our schedules.

I know I need more than just a guitar to pass the time. But right now, that's what I have. I have chosen to be happy with what I have. I am learning to love myself. I am making new friends. I'm moving on with my life. Just maybe not in the traditional way. Maybe one day. But not today


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Many people have marriages like yours. They don’t want to divorce so they live separate lives. It may not be what marriage could, or should, be but it works for them.


----------



## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Mary L said:


> I know you're right. And I've thought about all of this. Where will I be in another 10 years, and another 20 years? Right now I'm going to live life for me. I'm gonna take my slice of the pie. Meaning I feel like I have been used all of these years. Used to raise our kids, I homeschooled alone, I deal with every aspect of our home and finances. I have worked my butt off for this family. I have given my husband everything. Every part of me. And whether it's right or wrong, it's my time. I have a familiar home, I have financial security. And for now anyway, I'm going to use this to my benefit.
> I can get up and go to the gym, I can walk the park… I have everything I need here in this house to build ME. To work on me. I don't have any care for any type of romance right now, so I'm not in a hurry to move on. And it's not even on my radar right now. I have been happier the last two months than I think I have been in years. Mentally I just look at it as I'm living with a good friend. I know that's not super healthy, but it's where I'm at right now and it's getting me through day-to-day. At least for now


Trust me, I rather not be right, it sucks either way. You come across as a vital woman, wanting intimacy, which is why I suggested cutting your losses and setting yourself free to explore possibilities.

Suppose you end up meeting someone while you're out and about who reminds you of everything you wanted/needed in a relationship? Then you'll have to now be facing the process of untangling your life legally and financially and dealing with the emotional strain of a divorce. Or cheat and kiss your integrity and hard-won good name goodbye.

Anyway, I just wanted to share, b/c I've been down that road and it's so lonely... I can truly say I am better off now, even though it was scary as hell to take the first step.


----------



## Mary L (Jun 26, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> Trust me, I rather not be right, it sucks either way. You come across as a vital woman, wanting intimacy, which is why I suggested cutting your losses and setting yourself free to explore possibilities.
> 
> Suppose you end up meeting someone while you're out and about who reminds you of everything you wanted/needed in a relationship? Then you'll have to now be facing the process of untangling your life legally and financially and dealing with the emotional strain of a divorce. Or cheat and kiss your integrity and hard-won good name goodbye.
> 
> Anyway, I just wanted to share, b/c I've been down that road and it's so lonely... I can truly say I am better off now, even though it was scary as hell to take the first step.


I know you're sharing from not only a place of experience, sadly, but also a place of caring. And I really do appreciate it. I do hear you. I just don't think I'm ready for that step yet. But I can say, that the last two months is the first time I've even entertain thoughts of divorce. I think the happier I am with myself, the more unhappy I'm going to be in this relationship.


----------

