# A fight now everything seems different



## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

Hi! New here looking for some advice. My husband and I are married 16 years. Typically aside from tifs and minor disagreements we were very happy. Last week we had a fight that seems to have turned into a huge change. I was feeling down and when I came home I wanted to talk to him but he was busy cleaning. Stupid ofcourse but instead of just saying hey lets talk I in my clouded mind went upstairs and stew in our room. Needless to say he kept cleaning. Now hours prior in text he knew I was having some issues. (Work, health just a feeling of the blues) 

he came up two hours later and didn’t understand why I was upset. So I told him but i felt like he was being very rude so I got more angry. He said I’m never happy with anything he does or doesn’t do. I said well go find someone that makes you happy than if im so bad. I tried talking to him next night he said Im not discussing this with you now.He shrugged off my apology and my hug and my I love you. Hes been on couch every since. We have talked but I haven’t brought up issue just small talk. House, daughter, work etc. i sent him i love you text and have a good day at work text Monday and no response so I have not sent anymore of those. I say drive safe when he texts me he is off and he doesn’t respond. (He used to all the time) infact he constantly showered me with i love yous and kind words. We did grab fast food and he opened door for me and etc but he can’t even muster up goodnight to me. He does ask about my day though. Hes stressed with work so thats why I haven’t brought up argument but I miss my hubby.

he works 12 hour days sun-wed so I figured I’d try to keep things light till hes off but its hard. I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore. Any advice?


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Our tongue is always our most powerful weapon. You hurt him when you said to go find someone else. Be careful what you wish for. Did it occur to you that when you said that he didn’t feel loved?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ask for what you need. He isn't a mind reader and he's probably tired of the nonsense. Wait 'til he's off and offer a proper apology for acting like a child. And, think before you speak.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

Actually it didn’t occur to me when I said it but when I tried to talk to him and he said no when I said I love you he did say I don’t know if I believe that. 😢


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Firebaby said:


> Actually it didn’t occur to me when I said it but when I tried to talk to him and he said no when I said I love you he did say I don’t know if I believe that. 😢


You told him to find someone else. 🤷🏼‍♀️


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

The guy is busting his hump and helping around the house, yet your telling him he can go get another woman if he doesn’t like it? 

you need to work on how you communicate with your husband. We men are not good at taking hints. We tend to need the more direct approach.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

He's mad at you right now & he's hurt too. You were upset & you lashed out at him for not reading your mind. That's not fair. 

There used to be a joke that a husband who was cleaning / doing housework couldn't get in trouble. You proved there are exceptions to every rule. 

It's time to go big on the apology. . . .make his favorite meal & keep apologizing until it sinks in. Follow forgiveness with sex.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Why are you so focused on your husband?

You ought to be focused on yourself, and why you lash out by saying things you really don't mean, in an effort to hurt someone who you clearly love.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Firebaby said:


> Hi! New here looking for some advice. My husband and I are married 16 years. Typically aside from tifs and minor disagreements we were very happy. Last week we had a fight that seems to have turned into a huge change. I was feeling down and when I came home I wanted to talk to him but he was busy cleaning. Stupid ofcourse but instead of just saying hey lets talk I in my clouded mind went upstairs and stew in our room. Needless to say he kept cleaning. Now hours prior in text he knew I was having some issues. (Work, health just a feeling of the blues)


So issue #1...YOU felt down but you didn't communicate that you had these feelings to the extent that you wanted to talk. Even if he's busy cleaning, it is reasonable to respectfully request "Hey I see that you are right in the middle of XXX but I had a really bad day and I need to talk. Would you be willing to stop for a bit and talk with me? I just feel like I need someone to listen." Instead you ASSUMED that he knew you were having issues and you CHOSE to go upstairs and stew. That's on you. You chose to not communicate, and you chose to blame him for not reading your mind. 



> ...he came up two hours later and didn’t understand why I was upset. So I told him but* i felt like he was being very rude so I got more angry*. He said I’m never happy with anything he does or doesn’t do. I said *well go find someone that makes you happy than if im so bad*.


Issue #2...of course he didn't understand why you were upset--you never told him. You chose to not communicate and blame him for not reading your mind. From his point of view, he worked hard all day and then came home and got busy cleaning, and maybe was hoping you'd say "Wow thanks for working so hard and letting me chill out in our room so I could get my head on straight. I appreciate it!" and instead he got blasted. So yep when a person gets blasted and they don't know why...they get defensive. And your response to that was to get EVEN MORE ANGRY. He told you that you are never happy with anything he does, and that should be a clue right there that instead of seeing him and all the effort he makes for you and for the family, that he feels like you criticize. Hey if you are allowed to feel the way you feel and he's responsible "to fix you" then isn't he allowed to feel how he feels and you have to "fix him"? So he works hard, he comes home and has to clean, then he gets blasted for cleaning...and then you say "If I don't make you happy go find someone who does!" Seriously--those words are very literally marriage breakers. Essentially what you just said was that you don't care about him, you don't care if he leaves, and every time I'm feeling emotions, I'm going to threaten the stability of our family to win the argument. If I were in his shoes, I'd be taking a week off to decide if I want to continue the marriage too.



> ... I tried talking to him next night he said Im not discussing this with you now.He shrugged off *my apology and my hug and my I love you*. Hes been on couch every since. We have talked but *I haven’t brought up issue just small talk*. House, daughter, work etc. i sent him i love you text and have a good day at work text Monday and no response so *I have not sent anymore of those*. I say drive safe when he texts me he is off and he doesn’t respond. (He used to all the time) *infact he constantly showered me with i love yous and kind words.* We did grab fast food and he opened door for me and etc but he can’t even muster up goodnight to me. He does ask about my day though. Hes stressed with work so thats why I haven’t brought up argument but I miss my hubby.
> 
> he works 12 hour days sun-wed so I figured I’d try to keep things light till hes off but its hard. I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore. Any advice?


Yeah. I see a man who works LONG, HARD hours, who constantly showered you with iloveyous and kind words, who comes home after work and is busy cleaning, and who used to send you iloveyou and have a good day texts, and let you know when he is off, and grab you fast food...who also has his own life and feelings and thoughts and stress at work...and you don't appreciate it. I see a man who may not be perfect but he is really trying and working hard, and instead of hearing "Wow thank you!" he's hearing "If you don't like it, find someone else" so now he thinking about whether he wants to find someone else. Maybe he does. Maybe there's someone "out there" who would see all his hard work and appreciate it. Maybe someone at work has already let him know they'd be interested if he was free, but he had been rebuffing them because he wasn't free--and now maybe he's thinking about it. 

My best advice to you would be to stop playing these games of avoiding and hinting and suggesting and "if he doesn't text me I'm not texting him." Be a fully grown, personally responsible adult female, and without blaming him in any way, make a fully apology that includes itemizing to him the ways in which you now realize you were 100% fully wrong in how you treated him. A) He is every bit as equal as you in the marriage. He can have preferences, thoughts and feelings OF HIS OWN that aren't the same as yours. B) You volunteered to marry him under the concept that you would spend your lifetime learning about him and caring about him so that you could learn to express love in a way that he feels loved. I suspect he does not feel loved and cared for at this time. C) You chose to not communicate, you chose to assume, you chose to blame him for not reading your mind, and you chose to threaten the stability of his family unit because you wanted to win an argument. Those are your choices, and every single choice in our lives has natural consequences. The natural consequence of what you chose is that he's now considering whether he wants to find someone else. The fact that your consequence is painful is not his problem. You are personally responsible for your choices!

Sooo..apologize to him in a REAL way, not "I'm sorry." That absolutely 100% will NOT cut it. A true apology would contain these elements: REPS
R-responsibility. List out the things YOU chose and take responsibility for them. They are on you, not him.
E-empathy. Let him know that you understand how much that hurt him and that you'd feel that way too.
P-plan. Detail how you plan to change and what you plan to do DIFFERENTLY, but don't just say it...DO IT.
S-safety. Give him permission to "do what he needs to do" in order to stay emotionally safe. You hurt him badly, and in order to heal he made need some time sleeping on the couch. Cool--let him know that you are on board with what HE needs, not thinking of yourself and what you miss. 

That is my best advice.


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## 348731 (Mar 17, 2021)

I think your husband may not be feeling very appreciated right now. He's not a mind reader, nobody is. It's important that you work on how you communicate with him in the future. I think right now you really have to show him that you're sincerely sorry for how you behaved, and that you want to improve communication and show more appreciation for each other in the relationship. It helps to actually tell him how you feel without getting angry or upset, and without putting all responsibility on him to make you feel better. You're responsible for how you feel and lashing out at him for not doing what you expected is not fair.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

farsidejunky said:


> Why are you so focused on your husband?
> 
> You ought to be focused on yourself, and why you lash out by saying things you really don't mean, in an effort to hurt someone who you clearly love.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapat


I didn’


Affaircare said:


> So issue #1...YOU felt down but you didn't communicate that you had these feelings to the extent that you wanted to talk. Even if he's busy cleaning, it is reasonable to respectfully request "Hey I see that you are right in the middle of XXX but I had a really bad day and I need to talk. Would you be willing to stop for a bit and talk with me? I just feel like I need someone to listen." Instead you ASSUMED that he knew you were having issues and you CHOSE to go upstairs and stew. That's on you. You chose to not communicate, and you chose to blame him for not reading your mind.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


thank you


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

I appreciate all the honest comments! I think Im an idiot but definitely will do my best to make this better.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Any reason you call yourself "Firebaby"?... a subliminal hint maybe?

As others have posted, he's hurt and upset right now, but I'll take it a step further - he's resentful, and usually it takes time for resent to creep in. Is this the only time you have behaved this way after he failed to meet your expectations? I'm guessing it's not, but I could be wrong.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

Benbutton said:


> Any reason you call yourself "Firebaby"?... a subliminal hint maybe?
> 
> As others have posted, he's hurt and upset right now, but I'll take it a step further - he's resentful, and usually it takes time for resent to creep in. Is this the only time you have behaved this way after he failed to meet your expectations? I'm guessing it's not, but I could be wrong.


firebaby is a nickname. The nurses and drs I work with call me that because of my hair and because I am fast at treating patients as if there was a fire. Silly term

this is not the first time no.About 14 years ago when he was deployed I was a mess of nerves and stress and my insecuritiesgot me. It seems to only surface when I have felt insecure in our marriage. The job he has taken I’m adjusting badly to. All my fault there but something I need to work on with a counselor.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Firebaby said:


> firebaby is a nickname. The nurses and drs I work with call me that because of my hair and because I am fast at treating patients as if there was a fire. Silly term
> 
> this is not the first time no.About 14 years ago when he was deployed I was a mess of nerves and stress and my insecuritiesgot me. It seems to only surface when I have felt insecure in our marriage. The job he has taken I’m adjusting badly to. All my fault there but something I need to work on with a counselor.


Does he know how you feel about his new job? It's good to see a counselor, my wife suffers from anxiety and at times she struggles with insecurities. Through good counseling she has learned to communicate with me and it has helped tremendously.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

Benbutton said:


> Does he know how you feel about his new job? It's good to see a counselor, my wife suffers from anxiety and at times she struggles with insecurities. Through good counseling she has learned to communicate with me and it has helped tremendously.


He does and he feels same way. This day we fought ....earlier in day I was texting him and we were both saying it was affecting us and our relationship. And we felt stuck. We even discussed counseling. Hes dead tired and I’m ready to do something when he gets home. Plus he has been on edge snd stressed to the max as I have been with my job. With covid my job has been stressful and I need to remember its not him or his fault and put my frustration off him. Its so embarrassing I would talk to him that way. This isn’t at all how I normally am.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

Firebaby said:


> He does and he feels same way. This day we fought ....earlier in day I was texting him and we were both saying it was affecting us and our relationship. And we felt stuck. We even discussed counseling. Hes dead tired and I’m ready to do something when he gets home. Plus he has been on edge snd stressed to the max as I have been with my job. With covid my job has been stressful and I need to remember its not him or his fault and put my frustration off him. Its so embarrassing I would talk to him that way. This isn’t at all how I normally am.


Stuck with job not with each other


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

My best advice is apologize, and do it well. No excuses, no blaming him or bringing up his faults. Just a sincere apology for how you treated him. Speak gently, look him in the eye, take his hand if he'll let you. Tell him you are ashamed of your behavior and that he deserves to be treated better. Say this because you mean it and want to repair the damage, not because you expect something in return. Then, give him some space, if needed. Sometimes, men need time to process.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Firebaby said:


> Hi! New here looking for some advice. My husband and I are married 16 years. Typically aside from tifs and minor disagreements we were very happy. Last week we had a fight that seems to have turned into a huge change. I was feeling down and when I came home I wanted to talk to him but he was busy cleaning. Stupid ofcourse but instead of just saying hey lets talk I in my clouded mind went upstairs and stew in our room. Needless to say he kept cleaning. Now hours prior in text he knew I was having some issues. (Work, health just a feeling of the blues)
> 
> he came up two hours later and didn’t understand why I was upset. So I told him but i felt like he was being very rude so I got more angry. He said I’m never happy with anything he does or doesn’t do. I said well go find someone that makes you happy than if im so bad. I tried talking to him next night he said Im not discussing this with you now.He shrugged off my apology and my hug and my I love you. Hes been on couch every since. We have talked but I haven’t brought up issue just small talk. House, daughter, work etc. i sent him i love you text and have a good day at work text Monday and no response so I have not sent anymore of those. I say drive safe when he texts me he is off and he doesn’t respond. (He used to all the time) infact he constantly showered me with i love yous and kind words. We did grab fast food and he opened door for me and etc but he can’t even muster up goodnight to me. He does ask about my day though. Hes stressed with work so thats why I haven’t brought up argument but I miss my hubby.
> 
> he works 12 hour days sun-wed so I figured I’d try to keep things light till hes off but its hard. I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore. Any advice?


He's confused and things you are mad at him about something when it sounds like you were just generally depressed. So you do need to just let him know over the kitchen table or whatever that you were just having a bad day that day and it didn't have to do with him and that you hate that he took it that way but that sometimes you just get down about other things. 

He can't be expected to just know that automatically. From his perspective he was helping you out and you were sulled up about something and he figured it was something about him. You need to explain and it doesn't have to be a long drawn out conversation. you don't need to take it as an opportunity to unload on him. Just tell him it was just a general depression that day and you didn't mean for it to seem like it was about him.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> He's confused and things you are mad at him about something when it sounds like you were just generally depressed. So you do need to just let him know over the kitchen table or whatever that you were just having a bad day that day and it didn't have to do with him and that you hate that he took it that way but that sometimes you just get down about other things.
> 
> He can't be expected to just know that automatically. From his perspective he was helping you out and you were sulled up about something and he figured it was something about him. You need to explain and it doesn't have to be a long drawn out conversation. you don't need to take it as an opportunity to unload on him. Just tell him it was just a general depression that day and you didn't mean for it to seem like it was about him.


It actually is depression too! Thanks


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Firebaby said:


> It actually is depression too! Thanks


We all get down sometimes. Other people can't always tell what's going on and don't even notice sometimes.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Might not work on your husband but it works on me 99.9% of the time is initiate sex. The 0.1% it doesn’t work it would also work if I wasn’t too drunk.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Might not work on your husband but it works on me 99.9% of the time is initiate sex. The 0.1% it doesn’t work it would also work if I wasn’t too drunk.


lol I tried to hug him he wasn’t even having a hug 😬


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Maybe it's not everybody else.


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## Untrusting (Mar 22, 2021)

Firebaby said:


> Hi! New here looking for some advice. My husband and I are married 16 years. Typically aside from tifs and minor disagreements we were very happy. Last week we had a fight that seems to have turned into a huge change. I was feeling down and when I came home I wanted to talk to him but he was busy cleaning. Stupid ofcourse but instead of just saying hey lets talk I in my clouded mind went upstairs and stew in our room. Needless to say he kept cleaning. Now hours prior in text he knew I was having some issues. (Work, health just a feeling of the blues)
> 
> he came up two hours later and didn’t understand why I was upset. So I told him but i felt like he was being very rude so I got more angry. He said I’m never happy with anything he does or doesn’t do. I said well go find someone that makes you happy than if im so bad. I tried talking to him next night he said Im not discussing this with you now.He shrugged off my apology and my hug and my I love you. Hes been on couch every since. We have talked but I haven’t brought up issue just small talk. House, daughter, work etc. i sent him i love you text and have a good day at work text Monday and no response so I have not sent anymore of those. I say drive safe when he texts me he is off and he doesn’t respond. (He used to all the time) infact he constantly showered me with i love yous and kind words. We did grab fast food and he opened door for me and etc but he can’t even muster up goodnight to me. He does ask about my day though. Hes stressed with work so thats why I haven’t brought up argument but I miss my hubby.
> 
> he works 12 hour days sun-wed so I figured I’d try to keep things light till hes off but its hard. I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore. Any advice?


I have lived in, or rather, am living in your husbands shoes and it sucks. Do not ever, and I mean ever, imply you want out of a relationship until you 100% want out. My husband has a tendency to do this to me. And, at first, I took him seriously. I felt devastated inside. We had a major fight recently and he said he wanted to end it. Granted he’s said this about a dozen times before when we fight, because for some people this is a tool to get their way or to injure deeply. This last time he told me this over the phone, I told him well I hope you find happiness then. After I hung up the phone, I went to bed and slept like a baby until he called again trying to work things out. You see, he didn’t think I’d respond like that. One of these days, you say stuff like that enough, you’re gonna find the same result. Either he’ll point you to the door, or you’ll come home one day and find the divorce papers sitting there waiting for you.
Do what you can to apologize now. Make sure you make it very clear you know it was out of line. And commit to him never to say anything like that again. And mean it.

Also, as a side note, this man works 12 hour days. He’s probably exhausted. It sounds like he feels like he doesn’t make you happy. Make a point of telling him things he does that do make you happy.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

Untrusting said:


> I have lived in, or rather, am living in your husbands shoes and it sucks. Do not ever, and I mean ever, imply you want out of a relationship until you 100% want out. My husband has a tendency to do this to me. And, at first, I took him seriously. I felt devastated inside. We had a major fight recently and he said he wanted to end it. Granted he’s said this about a dozen times before when we fight, because for some people this is a tool to get their way or to injure deeply. This last time he told me this over the phone, I told him well I hope you find happiness then. After I hung up the phone, I went to bed and slept like a baby until he called again trying to work things out. You see, he didn’t think I’d respond like that. One of these days, you say stuff like that enough, you’re gonna find the same result. Either he’ll point you to the door, or you’ll come home one day and find the divorce papers sitting there waiting for you.
> Do what you can to apologize now. Make sure you make it very clear you know it was out of line. And commit to him never to say anything like that again. And mean it.
> 
> Also, as a side note, this man works 12 hour days. He’s probably exhausted. It sounds like he feels like he doesn’t make you happy. Make a point of telling him things he does that do make you happy.


Thank you! You are right absolutely and thank you for sharing your story. He does work 12hours 4 days a week and sometimes more each day. He is a very hard worker and I have made sure to tell him how much I appreciate him everyday in many way but Unfortunately my selfish feelings and anger got me that day and he was the victim. I literally feel like I was possessed last week. I have not been that depressed ever and even toyed with hurting myself I was not in the right place to even have that conversation with him. I just started self therapy this week so I’m new at this feeling. It was like a meltdown and looking back I’m like wtf. But hopefully him and i can talk about it tomorrow and hopefully clean up the mess I made


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Did you apologize? I get you are trying to reach out to him but I don't see a definitive - I did this, this is why it's wrong and I am sorry.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Firebaby said:


> I got heat on that forum because people were spinning it different ways and I don’t think I blasted him I told him I thought he would of not been cleaning snd since we had texted earlier and I explained how upset I was and what i was going through that he would of wanted to be with me as soon as I got home not be cleaning. Than I also got snotty and said to go find someone who made him happy! Also he was off the day he was cleaning. Its hard to put everything single detail thing down and have ppl attack you when you clearly tell people your depressed. I can take criticism but when ppl are being jerks and rude Im not having it. I get it its the internet but cant we still be kind to ppl struggling and offer truthful help without tearing them down and etc


The more detail you put down the better advice you get. You seem kind of defensive, it's not going to help you.

Was the moments when he came upstairs heated, tell the truth how did you say go find someone else? Yelling, was that after you yelled at him when you told him you were angry? Is this a common dynamic?

Sounds like he is done. That can happen.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

I did the day after but he wasn’t willing to hear it or discuss the situation than. So I was letting it go till he was off again. Just because he’s super stressed work days. I wanted to give him space and get my mind together


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

sokillme said:


> The more detail you put down the better advice you get. You seem kind of defensive, it's not going to help you.
> 
> Was the moments when he came heated tell the truth how did you say go find someone else? Yelling, was that after you yelled at him when you told him you were angry? Is this a common dynamic?
> 
> Sounds like he is done. That can happen.


It was very snotty and he was walking out of room. No this is not the norm at all


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Firebaby said:


> I did the day after but he wasn’t willing to hear it or discuss the situation than. So I was letting it go till he was off again. Just because he’s super stressed work days. I wanted to give him space and get my mind together


Make sure you accurately describe what you did as honestly as possible and why it was wrong so he knows it isn't you just trying to save your butt.


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Make sure you accurately describe what you did as honestly as possible and why it was wrong so he knows it isn't you just trying to save your butt.


Thank you 🙏🏻


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## Firebaby (Mar 24, 2021)

We talked last night. I asked him when he got home if he wanted to go grab dinner and he said sure!!
After we got home we had a really honest talk and I apologized and so did he. We are going to go to counseling to work on both some issues we see as keeping us from “fighting fair”. We also realize stress is playing a major role in our lives so we gotta get that in check. I have MS so I definitely need to figure out something to cope better. He wasn’t even upset with what i thought, he was upset because I said I didn’t think he cared about me. So that was a surprise. Thank you all for helping its sometimes best having outside ppl give advice because nobody has a reason to lie or sugar coat it. I also appreciate ppl not calling me names !


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Excellent!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Firebaby said:


> He does and he feels same way. This day we fought ....earlier in day I was texting him and we were both saying it was affecting us and our relationship. And we felt stuck. We even discussed counseling. Hes dead tired and I’m ready to do something when he gets home. Plus he has been on edge snd stressed to the max as I have been with my job. With covid my job has been stressful and I need to remember its not him or his fault and put my frustration off him. Its so embarrassing I would talk to him that way. This isn’t at all how I normally am.


Remember, texting apologies and trying to communicate through this issue via text conversations is waayy not even remotely productive to show meaningful efforts to resolve.

In person, no rush, clear communication, then renew your physical relationship. Convey heartily you were wrong. 

Follow up with actions. 

It sounds like you talked harshly one too many times. 
Any man worth his salt will eventually reach his limit.

But hopefully this can be worked through!

Hang in there.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

The D word or an insinuation of such will set me off everytime. That is one thing that I will not tolerate and something I take very seriously. I guess I know where he is coming from.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

What you have to understand is that most decent married men truly and deeply love their wives far more than they ever express, and even though we shouldn't, most men really need approval and respect from their wives to know that they are truly loved (as well as sex...😀).

Your initial communication was awful. Instead of asking for what you wanted when your husband was busy with the chores, you took this personally and sulked in your room. When he eventually came to find you angry at him you disrespected and disapproved of him telling him to go and find someone else. Whilst this was you just lashing out at feeling like he was telling you you weren't good enough what you said will have cut to his core. You can't expect a few nice words and a kiss or two to get him over this.

That said, the longer he stays on the couch the more unreasonable his response is. You need to find another way to extend and olive branch and clear the air. Keep trying.


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