# Is it flirting, wanting to cheat or cheating



## curly58

I have been married for thirty years and I have a problem with my husband flirting with my friends, other women, calling them Babe, etc... Whenever we are out he openly stares at and flirts with other women in front of me. Now, I know that it is normal to look (I do too) but I don't break my neck checking someone out like he does. It gives me such an uncomfortable and insecure feeling... 

One time at the end of a wedding reception I noticed that he was missing along with one of my friends. I went looking for them for what seemed like 20-25 minutes and then they just seemed to appear walking down the hall (we were all staying at a hotel). They were both drunk and he swears that he doesn't remember anything - of course we got into an argument -- but how can you argue with someone who claims they don't remember. This happened again last summer...we were at a party of one of my husband's co-worker's and my husband disappeared with his friend's wife (he was drunk again) I couldn't find them anywhere. About 10 minutes later they came from the house into the yard acting as if nothing happened. We left soon after and I was furious! Of course he claimed the next day that he doesn't remember doing that - he became very upset and started crying saying how much he loves me etc. I have been putting up with his flirting and gawking at other women and I am tired of living like this. I feel as if I can't trust him when he is drinking - if he acts that way when I'm around how is he acting when I'm not there. He did cheat on me 1x when we were married for 2 years and he knows how this almost destroyed me. I don't know if I can live with someone who I can't trust. When we go out I don't even enjoy myself - I'm always waiting for him to flirt or gawk and I can't stand living like this anymore. He is a different person when he is drinking otherwise he is a great husband and very supportive of me and our children. He only drinks when we go out or are at a party. This may sound naive, but do people really not remember things when they are drinking - it has never happened to me.


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## Amplexor

Yes people can black out times when drinking. If he only acts this way when out at parties, my suggestion is to set the ground rules before you go out. Either limit the drinking or at the first sign he is acting in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable you will ask to leave the event. With or without him. Make it clear to him that that is what you expect. If he loves and respects you he should be willing to make that kind of effort.


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## draconis

It is called blacking out. It does happen to some people. Mostly to alcoholics. I would say since this always causes the problems, and he only acts like this when he drinks it is high time he gives it up. Maybe bring him to an AA meeting.

The bigger picture is the alcohol. Maybe he does black out. Maybe it is a convenent crutch or a lie.

draconis


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## BlueCreek

I guess it happens to some people, however, I have never experienced it or known anyone that has happen to, and I have been around the kegger many times in high school and early in college. I've "heard" of it happening, but never once have I seen it. I've seen people black out and pass out and I've seem people so hammered they can't remember anything that happened all night long, but they also could barely stand or see. Not saying it doesn't happen, just saying I've never known anyone that experienced that. Honestly, you husband needs to shape up. Needs to stop drinking and needs to stop disrespecting you. If he loves you as much as he claims, this should be his priority. Draconis is right, he sounds like he has an alcohol problem, and until this is addressed, you're going to keep having similar issues.

And the man needs to stop flirting period. It is not right, pure and simple. If he can't even stop doing that for you, how is he going to break a habit as bad and difficult to stop as drinking?


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## michzz

There is a bit of confusion about booze-induced memory loss.

Yes, it could be from passing out and being disoriented.

But more likely, the man is conscious when he is off with these ladies at social gatherings. he is drunk, yes, but he knows what he is doing when he does it.

The question is, does he remember LATER what he was doing.

If not? he is drinking to excess. inappropriate behavior and loss of memory are classic symptoms of alcoholism

And if he is NOT losing him memory? Then he is at least a very accomplished liar who uses any excuse that will make his lies acceptable to you.

At the very least he is flirting to get private time with other women. Trust me, he is not doing that so he can discuss china patterns at the wedding.

He is trolling for 'tang. Drunk or not that is crappy.


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## swedish

If he's used the excuse 'i was too drunk to remember' more than once, I think you have every right to say in that case you seriously need to totally limit or stop drinking at social events. If he is being honest with you, he should agree this is not cool and put some boundaries in place for himself.


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