# Post Divorce life weird?



## southbound

Isn't post divorce life weird? I've been divorced about a year(she initiated for because "not happy anymore") and I'm a fairly traditional guy. After getting myself "past" the situation as much as I can, I'm starting to think about results, and it seems strange.

I have two preteen children and even though I'm their father, one day, there may be another man living in their house where dad once was with perhaps other kids; that just seems so weird and unnecessary. All this going "back and forth" from mom to dad I'm sure seems weird and stressful to them, whether they act like it or not. 

And I just can't get over the fact that their mother and I once vowed "till death do us part," yet that is now down the toilet. It just makes any future relationship seem fake. How could I tell another woman, "I'll love you forever"? It makes that kind of stuff seem so disposable now. 

Even if things go well, it still just seems weird. I know a lot of people probably go through this and never bat an eye, but it just seems like divorce creates a bowl of crap that isn't natural.


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## that_girl

Wish I could give you a hug and a beer.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

southbound said:


> Even if things go well, it still just seems weird.


:iagree:

southbound ~ I think you may also grasp what I’m about to state. The whole unmarried sex stigma really isn’t fair to those of us who were not seeking a way out of our marriages. We really planned that the last and only person we would be having sex with was the individual we vowed “Till death do us part.”

So now we are divorced, many of us well beyond the cutesy little fairytale dating ages where we do not have baggage and our whole lives still ahead of us. However at almost 40 yrs old, I am still expected to play by those same celibate dating rules. Kiss my butt people!!! 

I don’t sleep around and I can actually count the number of men I’ve been with on one hand. I would also like to enjoy sex with a man while I’m still confident enough to take my clothes off in front of him. When you're divorced and have younger kids involved, you take the whole dating/courtship thing a lot slower. At the rate I’m going, I’d be almost 50 yrs old by the time I had sex if I had to wait until I got remarried!

And this is just ONE of the things which seems weird.


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## madaboutlove

Oh boy, Toto, I must be in real trouble, my divorce won't be final until about 4 months from now, I will be 54 when I start my new "single" life. Cannot imagine trying to find a new partner after almost 30 years with my STBXH. I was promised forever as well and he hung on for quite a while, only to leave me when I was 53. Just don't know what the future holds


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## hurtingsobad

OK oldies, I am 48, and while my divorce isn't final yet, I have talked (not dated) to at least 5 women my age or younger that are going through divorces as well. 
There are many many women and men (good ones as well as bad ones) that are available. You just have to go slow and be patient.

I won't seriously date any woman until a year has gone by since the STBXW left. But I feel great, lost weight, exercise daily, and have an awesome relationship with my 19 and 17 year old kids!

My married couple friends (the guys) are extremely jealous that I get to start anew  This is going to be an adventure for sure, and I look forward to my rediscovery of myself!


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## Lon

yes post separation (divorce soon) is a weird place in life I could never have even comprehended being in not even a year ago. It is not exactly a comfortable place but for me I think it is actually a good place to rediscover myself. I have needed to do some things I've never done in order to prevent my life from becoming stagnant and so it seems I have no choice now but to make some new experiences. I've even dated a little, met a woman and had some very enjoyable times with, I think we have ended it since neither of us have called each other up for awhile, I look forward to meeting more women and sharing good experiences together. Also spending more time with buddies doing guy stuff which I also really enjoy getting to do once again... getting to this side of divorce is actually gonna be ok when I can navigate around all the debris it left behind,


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I agree with Lon in terms of re-structuring my life. I like to think of it more as _un_covering rather than _dis_covering or even _re_covering! My issue is that I do not really want to be in a new relationship, per se, but rather I want to go through a period where I can have friends of both genders and persuasions and connect to people for who they are, not male or female, but to listen to their experiences and to learn to understand people better without feeding into any co-dependency but a better way of communication that honors past, present and future. I value my personal space and was giving it up, a lot, in my marriage...which was abusive. I can kind of see that I have always kept a part of myself separate but assumed that everyone does this, they keep in touch with their personhood even while in a relationship...but when I did this my H said I was cheating on him with someone else. He didn't seem to understand that people have their own history and future, I suppose that's a sort of control thing. Treating the other as an object. But that led to trust issues and I've discovered there are some people I trust and others I don't and sometimes I need to get it through my head that I can not trust someone and because of the relationship being not very important to begin with (not talking about dating or friendship but just people stuff...) it might not matter if I really trust them...I can afford to trust them in order to test the waters. I find this amazingly clear on the dance floor, some men/women can lead me through moves I learned months ago and thought I'd forgot and I can dance almost like a pro for all appearances...others I dance with even though they are technically correct there's something in me that fails to react or click...and it's awkward or funny but not dancing. It's like subconscious knows something I don't so I'm taking the time to explore those kind of issues, and am not the type to just use people for experiments. I wouldn't want to waste my time on building relationships other than friendships and I certainly wouldn't want to waste other people's time either... I have friends and plan things with them or by chance sometimes but mostly we support each other in our own special stuff. My life has become somewhat ecclectic and I think a marriage or a serious relationship would be a setback for me. I've committed 2 or 3 years to being seriously uncommitted, and that's after divorce is final. I haven't even started counting yet.

A friend of mine said she hopes life gets back to normal in 2012...I responded that I've decided that abnormal is the new normal so 2012 has got off to a spectacular start of 'returning to normal'. The truth is, my life was always exciting for me before, I could take on new projects for work (self-employed) and go to to conferences where I participated and developed user groups and shared knowledge, made friends and networked, got famous for bike-camping at a conference in VT by the lake (LOL) and used valet parking at the hotel for my bike - they wheeled it right into the lobby...had my first child at a diplomatic post...did volunteer driving for Medicaid recipients...took my laptop and my kids and my bike and went to Quebec for an entire summer, travelling along and then settling in for a couple months in a small town on a long bike path...that's my normal life. So if life returns to a 'new' normal, I'll be very very happy. My kids like it better that way too, although we stick to the daily school schedule thing, we have time for their interests and adventures as well.


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## Indy Nial

no those thoughts are'nt weird. I'm almost a year out since we separated and a few months since divorce.

I have an 8 year old daughter and it isn't normal or natural. Marriage vows are not romantic they are contractual oaths that whatever crap happens the couple will stick by each other.

Yes, its a chance to re-discover yourself and be a much better person because of it but it should never have happened. I spent years searching for the right person and starting over might be exciting if I was 21 or there really was plenty of fish in the sea. The realty is far from that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wheels65

I'm happier being divorced and single.

Dating can be weird for sure, have not sensed much chemistry with anyone yet but in time it will come.


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## Jellybeans

Divorce does change you--it changes the way you view relationships, marriage, and "forever."

It is sort of strange to go from married to divorced/single... but one gets used to it. 

For me, there was a time I could not fathom NOT being married. Now it's hard to remember what it was like to be a wife everyday. It's like it was someone else's life. Time has something to do with it. 

Now, I haven't dated at all since my divorce, nor do I have any desire to. If that time comes, it's going to be a strange/new journey. I am 30 and hope one day I will meet someone again and have a fulfilling/healthy relationship. But I don't actively seek it out. 

My divorce has certainly changed me. I don't view marriage (for myself) as I once did nor do I believe in "happily ever after." There is a certain naivite that is gone forever from me because of this experience. I simply don't believe what I used to.


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## nice777guy

Jellybeans said:


> My divorce has certainly changed me. I don't view marriage (for myself) as I once did nor do I believe in "happily ever after." There is a certain naivite that is gone forever from me because of this experience. I simply don't believe what I used to.


Have to agree. Definitely kills some of the romance that was involved.

Sometimes I do think about the practical aspects - sharing expenses, being able to take care of each other, having a live-in Friend with Benefits!! I don't miss my STBXW much - but I DO miss some of the comforts of being with someone.


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## hesnothappy

Greetings ;o)

I am expecting an email anyday now telling me the divorce is final. Where once that was a big disappointment to me...now I am ready for it. I have not dated anyone since d-day (depart) and I am not looking forward to it. I am enjoying time spent with family and friends doing whatever I want when I want an for how long I want ;o) I no longer feel a sense of urgency to get married and hoping that every man is the one. I poured a lot in to my marriage and I don't want to do that again...just in case it doesn't work out. That is too much hurt for one person to bare alone (almost) Life took a good shot at me, but I survived and I am happy for it.


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## nice777guy

hesnothappy said:


> Greetings ;o)
> 
> I am expecting an email anyday now telling me the divorce is final. Where once that was a big disappointment to me...now I am ready for it. I have not dated anyone since d-day (depart) and I am not looking forward to it. I am enjoying time spent with family and friends doing whatever I want when I want an for how long I want ;o) I no longer feel a sense of urgency to get married and hoping that every man is the one. I poured a lot in to my marriage and I don't want to do that again...just in case it doesn't work out. That is too much hurt for one person to bare alone (almost) Life took a good shot at me, but I survived and I am happy for it.


Started a new thread in response to your response!

Just thinking - if you never put yourself out there again - its possible you could miss out on something really good too - right?

Although - I also totally get what you are saying! Not sure that being "alone" sounds like the death sentence that other people think is will be.


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## southbound

nice777guy said:


> Started a new thread in response to your response!
> 
> Just thinking - if you never put yourself out there again - its possible you could miss out on something really good too - right?
> 
> Although - I also totally get what you are saying! Not sure that being "alone" sounds like the death sentence that other people think is will be.



It's not so much about me finding someone else, I'm doing really well being single. I just think it creates a weird life-situation with two people divorcing, possibly getting married to others, and the kids being exposed to it all. It wouldn't matter if I hooked up with a model and lived happily ever after, it still wouldn't change all the weirdness.


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## madaboutlove

I can't imagine my 24 and 22 year old sons feeling good about either of us dating or marrying someone else. I got the word a year ago, he left in April and our first court date is coming up. SO, more than a year since anything that looks like dating or sex. I am finding lots of things to do, accomplishing some things in all my spare time not taking care of anyone, but I am soooo lonely all the time.


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## raising5boyz

It's very weird to me. Nothing in my life changed really for the first year. I still had all my kids....the same responsibilities, the same job, the same church, the same car, the same house......I was just alone. Now I have moved, and I am going to school. My surroundings are totally different, but really life is the same.....I am just alone. 

In most ways I still feel resentful about most of it. I still stand strong and am the best mother I can be to these children. He, on the other hand....walked away from all the responsibility of life. He has a gf and seems perfectly happy. I am still the backbone for everyone...without the joys that came with being married....having your best friend beside you to share the ups and downs....making love to the one you love....the companionship. But I know what I miss was the good times....obviously I don't miss the lying and cheating at all. I miss what I thought we had....not what it turned out that we had. :\


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## nice777guy

madaboutlove said:


> I can't imagine my 24 and 22 year old sons feeling good about either of us dating or marrying someone else. I got the word a year ago, he left in April and our first court date is coming up. SO, more than a year since anything that looks like dating or sex. I am finding lots of things to do, accomplishing some things in all my spare time not taking care of anyone, but I am soooo lonely all the time.


I would hope that at their ages, they would want to see you happy. And that they would be mature enough to accept that you are moving on - as long as they approved of the person you were dating.


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## nice777guy

raising5boyz said:


> It's very weird to me. Nothing in my life changed really for the first year. I still had all my kids....the same responsibilities, the same job, the same church, the same car, the same house......I was just alone. Now I have moved, and I am going to school. My surroundings are totally different, but really life is the same.....I am just alone.
> 
> In most ways I still feel resentful about most of it. I still stand strong and am the best mother I can be to these children. He, on the other hand....walked away from all the responsibility of life. He has a gf and seems perfectly happy. I am still the backbone for everyone...without the joys that came with being married....having your best friend beside you to share the ups and downs....making love to the one you love....the companionship. But I know what I miss was the good times....obviously I don't miss the lying and cheating at all. I miss what I thought we had....not what it turned out that we had. :\


So - even with different surroundings you still basically feel the same?

I'm keeping the house. Some days I wonder if doing so was a mistake. It provides the kids with some stability - but some days I think a change of scenery would be good.


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## Jellybeans

nice777guy said:


> Have to agree. Definitely kills some of the romance that was involved.


:iagree:


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## raising5boyz

I think my main point was that when you have younger kids that are very dependent on you.....especially when the other parent isn't really involved....life just goes on....there are still dishes, laundry, homework, bath, and bedtime. As the only parent of a large family I have not been able to start new hobbies and rediscover who I am like so many people on here talk about. I did start school and that has been a blessing and a challenge. But the needs of my kids have not changed so my life just carries on without the benefits and/or some of the stresses of the marriage.

@ niceguy....as for the house......I stayed in the same house for a long time. I would have continued to be there if I didn't choose to move to go to school. I see no problem with it. It was my home....with or without my spouse. I loved my house.. SO if you like where you live and have no reasons to change houses....stay and enjoy it. If I had the funds,.....I def would have redecorated! lol I did buy new bedding....made my room very feminine.....and I liked having those little changes.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

raising5boyz said:


> It's very weird to me. Nothing in my life changed really for the first year. I still had all my kids....the same responsibilities, the same job, the same church, the same car, the same house......I was just alone. Now I have moved, and I am going to school. My surroundings are totally different, but really life is the same.....I am just alone.
> 
> In most ways I still feel resentful about most of it. I still stand strong and am the best mother I can be to these children. He, on the other hand....walked away from all the responsibility of life. He has a gf and seems perfectly happy. I am still the backbone for everyone...without the joys that came with being married....having your best friend beside you to share the ups and downs....making love to the one you love....the companionship. But I know what I miss was the good times....obviously I don't miss the lying and cheating at all. I miss what I thought we had....not what it turned out that we had. :\


I could not have said it better, my situation exactly. But what is even more sad is what I've learned this past year is from the research I've done. The fact that "Love" is just a chemical switch for most people, what you thought was forever disappeared because of changes in hormones in your spouse. 

At 57 the idea of finding a "Soul mate" seems like a fantasy compared to when I was 32. I took my vows very seriuosly, id on't think I could utter them again....


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## nice777guy

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> I could not have said it better, my situation exactly. But what is even more sad is what I've learned this past year is from the research I've done. The fact that "Love" is just a chemical switch for most people, what you thought was forever disappeared because of changes in hormones in your spouse.
> 
> At 57 the idea of finding a "Soul mate" seems like a fantasy compared to when I was 32. I took my vows very seriuosly, id on't think I could utter them again....


Doesn't sound so wonderful at 39 either!

Still - there are things I miss - and there are those "practical" reasons to do it again.


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## goincrazy

My divorce was final last June, and I've been living in an apartment ever since. I am used to being alone most of the time, but it is still difficult. I was the one who wanted the divorce, and I don't miss being married to him at all, but I am very lonely. I don't want to rush into a relationship, but at age 34 with no kids, I really think that kids may not be in the cards for me. I do not want to have a baby when I'm 40, so my time is very limited, and that is really upsetting to me. That's the hardest part about this divorce for me. Maybe I won't meet someone in time to have a family. I have no desire to have a baby on my own. I want to be married and have kids with a spouse who I am in love with. 

I also really miss sex and intimacy, and it's starting to drive me nuts. I just can't go out and sleep with someone though. I've never been that type of person.


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## Lon

goincrazy said:


> My divorce was final last June, and I've been living in an apartment ever since. I am used to being alone most of the time, but it is still difficult. I was the one who wanted the divorce, and I don't miss being married to him at all, but I am very lonely. I don't want to rush into a relationship, but at age 34 with no kids, I really think that kids may not be in the cards for me. I do not want to have a baby when I'm 40, so my time is very limited, and that is really upsetting to me. That's the hardest part about this divorce for me. Maybe I won't meet someone in time to have a family. I have no desire to have a baby on my own. I want to be married and have kids with a spouse who I am in love with.
> 
> I also really miss sex and intimacy, and it's starting to drive me nuts. I just can't go out and sleep with someone though. I've never been that type of person.


I hear you on the babymaking part. I am 35, a few years ago after our only child was born my W unilaterally decided to have a tubal ligation. I wasn't too resentful over it, if she didn't want to have another baby I certainly didn't want to inflict one upon us. I would have had the vas except I wasn't ready for myself at that point, and she was certain she was getting tubes tied regardless, so it made it unecessary for me to consider.

Now, I'm divorcing and realize that meeting a woman to make babies with is suddenly a possible option, but to me definitely doesn't seem feasible or reasonable... no way I want to be changing diapers and having sleepness nights in my 40's... I had already accepted only having one child, but a door is opening for me if I want to take it.

To complicate it, the lack of sex and intimacy drove me nuts too, I sought and found an wonderful lady and we both have enjoyed our sexual relationship a lot. However at my age, less than ideal fitness, several years of sexless marriage and permanent emotional scars (rejection and inadequacy) from my failed marriage have contributed to some frustrating performance issues, making condoms a difficult fit (so to speak). While we sometimes use them I've come to depend on fertility awareness and pull-out methods to make sure I don't father another child, it can be a little stressful.

It is really weird to be going through a divorce, having only one child, and now having booked my vasectomy in march. I am so certain I don't want more kids, but no one can predict the future and I hate slamming doors. If I were in a good marriage at this moment and had a capable wife I would be viewing this very point in my timeline as my final opportunity to bring a new life into the world. It will be several years before I can ever see myself at that point in a relationship, and it will be past the point of no return for me. So the responsible thing is to get snipped, even though for many guys at this point it may be the opposite. yes life is weird, moreso after divorce.


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## Jellybeans

goincrazy said:


> My divorce was final last June, and I've been living in an apartment ever since. I am used to being alone most of the time, but it is still difficult. I was the one who wanted the divorce, and I don't miss being married to him at all, but I am very lonely. I don't want to rush into a relationship, but at age 34 with no kids, I really think that kids may not be in the cards for me. I do not want to have a baby when I'm 40, so my time is very limited, and that is really upsetting to me. That's the hardest part about this divorce for me. Maybe I won't meet someone in time to have a family. I have no desire to have a baby on my own. I want to be married and have kids with a spouse who I am in love with.
> 
> I also really miss sex and intimacy, and it's starting to drive me nuts. I just can't go out and sleep with someone though. I've never been that type of person.


It's interesting hearing viewpoints for the party that wanted out (Since most on TAM wanted to save their marriage). Thanks for sharing your story.


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## Lon

Jellybeans said:


> It's interesting hearing viewpoints for the party that wanted out (Since most on TAM wanted to save their marriage). Thanks for sharing your story.


I think its because so often the wayward one left the marriage for someone else, seems like goincrazy left "cleanly".


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## goincrazy

Lon said:


> I think its because so often the wayward one left the marriage for someone else, seems like goincrazy left "cleanly".


I had a choice to make: Have a baby knowing that I would be settling (and have no chance of ever finding true love,) or take a risk of not meeting someone in time to have a family. 

My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. We co-existed, rarely had sex (bad sex) that I had to beg for, only celebrated one anniversary, and he hadn't been with me to see my family in almost 4 years. There were good times as well, and he's not a bad person, we just weren't meant for each other. When I started having the urge to cheat on him (never did!), I just had to leave. I'm not that type of person, but I knew that I couldn't settle and ever have a chance of being happy (and having a baby with him would've made things worse). He actually thought that our marriage was just fine and thought I was crazy for wanting to leave. He said that no one is truly happy, and I was living in a fantasy. Guess what? He ran off and got married 3 months after the divorce was final. He met some girl from another country online and flew over there and married her after Skyping with her for a couple of months. I guess I'm the stable one. lol!

I hope that this new year brings some romance for me. I really feel ready to date (since my marriage was pretty much dead long ago).


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## WomanScorned

Life IS weird after divorce, especially if you are the dumpee and not the dumper. I sure as hell didn't sign up for this mess. But life does have a way of moving forward, and what once seemed 'weird' is now the new normal, as someone else said. I've never dealt well with change, and now everything in my life has been turned upside down and inside out. Still navigating the debris, as Lon said. 

It's all so weird because as a society we still doesn't talk about the aftermath of divorce. The focus is on two parent homes, when the reality is that is becoming less and less common and more of us are divorced.


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## Cooper

In a lot of ways my life got easier (better really) after my divorce, the kids stayed with me so except for no longer having a wife or their mother here at home our lives continued as normal. 

The thing that really bothers me though is how different all our lives will be going forward. Never again a family vacation, or even a family dinner or a family talk. Never again will one of my kids say "I love you mom and dad" in the plural sense, everything is singular. Every birthday or holiday is fragmented between different homes, their will be no father/mother dance at the kids weddings. Even the future grand kids are affected, there will be no such thing as going to grandma and grandpas house, it's go to grandpa Dons and then go to Grandma Debbies. 

I don't miss my ex wife but I sure as hell miss the future life I had hoped for, so yeh, life after divorce is weird.


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## nice777guy

Cooper said:


> In a lot of ways my life got easier (better really) after my divorce, the kids stayed with me so except for no longer having a wife or their mother here at home our lives continued as normal.
> 
> The thing that really bothers me though is how different all our lives will be going forward. Never again a family vacation, or even a family dinner or a family talk. Never again will one of my kids say "I love you mom and dad" in the plural sense, everything is singular. Every birthday or holiday is fragmented between different homes, their will be no father/mother dance at the kids weddings. Even the future grand kids are affected, there will be no such thing as going to grandma and grandpas house, it's go to grandpa Dons and then go to Grandma Debbies.
> 
> I don't miss my ex wife but *I sure as hell miss the future life I had hoped for,* so yeh, life after divorce is weird.


Amen...

I don't know why - but I keep picturing a porch with two rocking chairs - even though we never had a porch. But of course - in this vision - I'm sitting alone with the other chair empty. All of those dreams and plans that we had included our spouse.

I "hope" that I can take the kids back to Disney again while they are young enough to enjoy it - but being divorced will make it much harder in so many ways. Even if we didn't always like each other - we were partners. Now - not so much.


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## nice777guy

Was also thinking last night about missing physical touch - when the following kind of dawned on me:

I can give myself an orgasm, but I can't tickle myself.

So yes - I miss sex - but I can kind of take care of that need - to an extent - on my own. But hugs, holding hands, snuggling on the couch - you can't do those things alone.


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## Limping

nice777guy said:


> Was also thinking last night about missing physical touch - when the following kind of dawned on me:
> 
> I can give myself an orgasm, but I can't tickle myself.
> 
> So yes - I miss sex - but I can kind of take care of that need - to an extent - on my own. But hugs, holding hands, snuggling on the couch - you can't do those things alone.


:iagree:
That is what I miss most about my divorce. Companionship. And women say men don't like to cuddle.:scratchhead:


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## Shooboomafoo

HA!
Full length body pillow between us for years,, like a "great wall" of celibacy,,,
DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE

mmmmmyes dear......


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## Shane Jimison

I can understand your feeling better overcome from this stress and live the life like you live earlier before your marriage and divorce. Through this way you can provide relief to your family and your children.


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## MissHim

So how weird? 

Watching the man you love/loved (yet divorced for some screwd up fantasy) married to another woman when you have been dumped by what you thought was your fantasy.

I deserve no sympathy and don't seek it. I am just being honest, people need to know and understand how bad divorce really is.


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## Babyheart

I haven't been here for a long time. Some people are familiar, and it makes me sad to see so many new people all going thru the same thing.

For me it has been over a year, my ex had an affair & left. Still waiting on the divorce which has been delayed because he has not paid his lawyer yet.

I'm happy. Enjoying living by myself & the kids are doing well. I am in my final semester of RN school so life will really change for me again over the next year. Things are good. I'm happy.


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## southbound

Cooper said:


> In a lot of ways my life got easier (better really) after my divorce, the kids stayed with me so except for no longer having a wife or their mother here at home our lives continued as normal.
> 
> The thing that really bothers me though is how different all our lives will be going forward. Never again a family vacation, or even a family dinner or a family talk. Never again will one of my kids say "I love you mom and dad" in the plural sense, everything is singular. Every birthday or holiday is fragmented between different homes, their will be no father/mother dance at the kids weddings. Even the future grand kids are affected, there will be no such thing as going to grandma and grandpas house, it's go to grandpa Dons and then go to Grandma Debbies.
> 
> I don't miss my ex wife but I sure as hell miss the future life I had hoped for, so yeh, life after divorce is weird.


Yes, this is the kind of thing I'm talking about. Divorce just has a way of screwing up "normal."


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## sammy3

Im not exactly here yet, as my STBXH is still fighting tooth and nail to save our marriage . 

All that has been written above me, has been going on with my mind since this whole mess started to head towards this direction.

Infidelity it self is really weird,... this whole world that I had not much knowledge about before 9 months ago, is really weird. 

This has to be to me, the most life changing event I have ever experienced. Moving on from home, going on to university, getting married, having a child, was all still in the minds eye, a future... 

What is really personally weird for me, I live single for 28 years, I lived married for 28 years , and the next 28 ? , ill be 3 yrs shy of 90 ! and god, how fast the past went ...

~sammy


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## madaboutlove

I lived longer married than I did before, married at 25, D at 54, who knows what the last part will bring


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## proudwidaddy

I'm not here yet, but on the way. To talk on what Southbound said above, that's what hurts me now to, the kids not saying I love you mom and dad. The father/mother dance at their weddings, sitting in different parts of the bleachers at sporting events, none of this is what I wanted, and I was the one trying to save it. What attracted me to my wife at first was her committment to family, ironic that she is the one breaking it up. I grieve for our two children who did not have a say in this matter.


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## southbound

proudwidaddy said:


> I'm not here yet, but on the way. To talk on what Southbound said above, that's what hurts me now to, the kids not saying I love you mom and dad. The father/mother dance at their weddings, sitting in different parts of the bleachers at sporting events, none of this is what I wanted, and I was the one trying to save it. What attracted me to my wife at first was her committment to family, ironic that she is the one breaking it up. I grieve for our two children who did not have a say in this matter.



Exactly! My wife was always committed to family, and many times over the years seemed stunned when hearing of someone's divorce. I would go as far as to say she viewed divorce as a sin! 

One of her little things over the years was to say, "you promise you'll always love me?" I should have been asking that question. It's weird now that she is the one who has broken the bonds.


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## cryin

southbound said:


> Exactly! My wife was always committed to family, and many times over the years seemed stunned when hearing of someone's divorce. I would go as far as to say she viewed divorce as a sin!
> 
> One of her little things over the years was to say, "you promise you'll always love me?" I should have been asking that question. It's weird now that she is the one who has broken the bonds.


OMG your ex-wife sounds just like mine. The thing is that people who demonstrate that behavior aren't capable of having healthy relationships.(that comes directly from my therapist) My ex-wife for years said something very similar to me... That is a tactic they employ to control and manipulate all the while they're cheating, or have checked out. They're projecting


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## southbound

cryin said:


> OMG your ex-wife sounds just like mine. The thing is that people who demonstrate that behavior aren't capable of having healthy relationships.(that comes directly from my therapist) My ex-wife for years said something very similar to me... That is a tactic they employ to control and manipulate all the while they're cheating, or have checked out. They're projecting


That's interesting. My wife always seemed like she wanted me forever and was nervous that it might not happen. It's like she needed a frequent reminder that i was always going to love her and be there. It's so strange that she ended the marriage.


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