# New and in need of advise



## veryconfused (Nov 1, 2007)

Hello everyone. I just found this site today and so far I think it is great. Now to my situation and any advise would be greatly appreciated. 
This is my second marriage, I have 3 kids from my first marriage. My kids absolutely love my husband, they even call him dad as they don't see their biological father very often. We have been married for 8 years now and back in September we filed bankruptcy. Earlier this year my husband purchased a truck that pushed our budget over the limit. I try not to blame him for the bankruptcy but it gets hard when I tried to tell him that we couldn't possibly afford this truck and all the other things he wastes money on. He's a spender. I'm not saying people shouldn't enjoy their money, but I have goals in my life and things I want to acheive and before we were married we discussed these and at that time we had the same goals. Now it seems that he has forgotten his goals and just lives for the moment. Since filing bankruptcy I have been researching how to improve our credit worthiness and the steps we need to take to be successful in the future. He has not 1 time sat down to listen to the things I've found out, he blows me off nor has he tried to research anything on his own. Like I said I have 3 kids and I want to purchase a home so that they will have a place to call home. I just don't know if I'll ever be able to acheive this with my husband as he doesn't take credit very serious. I want to start a savings account but he continues to spend on nonsense items. I have considered leaving him so that I can have a better financial life for me and my kids. The problem with this is, I do love him and I know he loves me and my kids. I just don't know what to do, can anyone help? I want to be financially stable and he wants to live for the day. Please HELP!

Very confused:scratchhead:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

First let me say you do blame him. It is clear by your post. However that isn't an issue now but something you need to accept or deal with in the future.

Second, the accountant. It is common for a marriage to have an accountant or a person handle the money who could best do it. You need to be this person. Make sure he gets spending money and let him keep all over time or extra from a second job.

Tis sounds like my sibling that was great at making money but could blow two thousand dollars in five days and have to borrow at the end of the week. My siblings spouse had to take over the monwy to keep them moving forward. I think you need to do that too.

draconis


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## veryconfused (Nov 1, 2007)

Thank you for responding. I do make sure the bills are paid and there is groceries in the house. As far as letting him keep the overtime pay, right now we are very dependant on the overtime pay to get us out of the rut. I have considered getting a second job myself. 
If you don't mind I'd love to ask your opinion on how I should deal with the fact that he doesn't seem to be interested in helping me get back on track. I feel like a marriage should be 2 people working together for the common good of the family and I feel like I'm the only one actually working on it. I may be crazy to feel this way and there is a family history that I believe makes me feel this way. My mother was the one that always took care of me and everything else as my father was an alcoholic and I swore as a child I would never have a partner that wasn't willing to help me have a better future. I sometimes get so emotionally tired of being the rock for my family. I sometimes feel like I have 4 kids instead of 3. 
I appreciate your advise. I've read some other replys you have posted for others and I feel you give really good advise and again thank you for your time.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

There is no reason the two of you should not be working for a common goal. If you are working this hard and getting no where I'd look at the expense side of the budget. A second job and overtime should be money to save for down payments etc. It is hard to give up the things we love but you sometimes have too.

I will be on more later and expend on this.

draconis


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## CynthiaX (Nov 3, 2007)

Without coming to some kind of agreement that you both can stick with and live with, you will not be able to rebuild your credit history. It takes hard work- from both of you, and it takes commitment- from both of you. Coming back from bankruptcy is rough. I know. We've been through it. You can come back and regain a good credit history. I would suggest that the two of you sit down with a professional financial advisor and have that person set you up with a personal budget. This person might also be able to convince your husband of the extreme importance of setting financial goals and rebuilding your credit history together.


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