# Grief Prep



## 24NitroglyceriN26

I have a darkness about me and I anticipate experiencing big loss. Not for others just for me. A specific fear of being abandoned - however I wouldn't blame a soul. 

If suspecting such an outcome, is it normal to notice issues?


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## TJW

24NitroglyceriN26 said:


> If suspecting such an outcome, is it normal to notice issues?


Yes.


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## BeyondRepair007

24NitroglyceriN26 said:


> I have a darkness about me and I anticipate experiencing big loss. Not for others just for me. A specific fear of being abandoned - however I wouldn't blame a soul.
> 
> If suspecting such an outcome, is it normal to notice issues?


Fear of being abandoned, is this a spouse or parent or ?. What kind of abandonment? Like a spouse leaving or someone dying Or something else?

”issues” what kind of issues? Behavior changes or problems with kids or ?

If you are looking for problems your mind can let you find them. It doesn’t mean it’s real. Or you could be right. The devil is in the details as they say.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Fear of being abandoned, is this a spouse or parent or ?. What kind of abandonment? Like a spouse leaving or someone dying Or something else?
> 
> ”issues” what kind of issues? Behavior changes or problems with kids or ?
> 
> If you are looking for problems your mind can let you find them. It doesn’t mean it’s real. Or you could be right. The devil is in the details as they say.


No, I am fine so far...I just worry about my spouse...family


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## BeyondRepair007

24NitroglyceriN26 said:


> No, I am fine so far...I just worry about my spouse...family


So, what's the fear of abandonment about then?

Generally, I would say don't let your mind & fears control you. Take ahold of those thoughts and banish them.

But if there's a specific concern that's causing your mind to react, it could be something to talk through.


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## redmarshall

I think its some kind of deep rooted fear, obviously these things do come to mind every now and then but if its a persistent thought, you really ought to go and speak to a professional about it.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

BeyondRepair007 said:


> So, what's the fear of abandonment about then?
> 
> Generally, I would say don't let your mind & fears control you. Take ahold of those thoughts and banish them.
> 
> But if there's a specific concern that's causing your mind to react, it could be something to talk through.


It is abandonment but not really what I fear. I fear that I will be viewed as being in an abandoned status and if we reconcile during that period of time it is building on a false assumption. Fact that it could be on a false assumption is what I have to be subject to. That could take years upon years to get handled.

I have a condition that won't let me banish thoughts unless I want those banished to be reintroduced at the moment a qualifying failure is suggested. It has happened and it is dirty because it is impossible to address with most dysfunctional people. A functional person is never one who is involved in a qualifying failure. This puts it in a precarious category as the other party is either a predator or a predator who might be able to be docile by need. My fear of abandonment is validated because I already had a relationship where the end was for them to choose, out of need, surrender or choose to end it as a victorious predator. 

Talking through it is part of it. I have been managing this status of readiness for many years now. I don't know what will or could happen if everything else is as it was. This really makes abandonment a measure I choke on.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Fear of being abandoned, is this a spouse or parent or ?. What kind of abandonment? Like a spouse leaving or someone dying Or something else?
> 
> ”issues” what kind of issues? Behavior changes or problems with kids or ?
> 
> If you are looking for problems your mind can let you find them. It doesn’t mean it’s real. Or you could be right. The devil is in the details as they say.


Death is the ultimate tool for abandonment but it is at, least polite versus those who still live without giving me party to their life. So, yes, death but death is not my problem. Parental: I have two parents in this life and both are gone. Abandoned they schooled me with regard to strategies they deployed on me. So, yes, parental. Spouse, yes. Spouse again, yes. Or something else - yes.

I understand the realm of real vs unreal...not to your extent or beyond it. It is true a person can misidentify something as treason like cheating. If they are accused again...I would allow their dismissal from being a traitor but they are then trying to lower my detection to cheat undetected. I would monitor more covertly. Prosecute more covertly. My finding problems would be seeking avoidance of covert or light switchlike discard of them. When somebody puts me out like a light switch, it is more egregious. Oh, I could talk more but this is far enough.


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