# Not sure what to do.



## dwoods77 (Jul 14, 2012)

Hi All,

A little background on the situation i am in at the moment. I met my partner around 12 years ago and have been together for about 10. We met and chatted online for about 2 years and hit it off pretty well when we finally met. When I met her i knew she was going away for 12 months or so travelling so we only got to see each other for about a month before she left. She was gone a total of 9 months and when she got back she fell pregnant about 2 months later. 

Since then we have had another child together and although things havent always been great we have never had any huge arguments or fights, outwardly we probably look like a happy couple. At home though we hardly seem to have a relationship at all other than the fact we live together and have 2 wonderful children. From the time i come home at night, she sits on the couch watching TV and i get on my laptop and watch movies/play games browse from there. When she does try to talk to me about anything important something just snaps inside me and i shut off more and try to avoid the conversation.

I know this is more due to my faults than hers. I am a pretty weak man but she is also a pretty weak woman - It seems like we are too alike for our own good in that we never get anywhere or do anything because neither is strong enough to lift the other. (for example budgeting - we are both hopeless with it)

I am more and more thinking that we are just totally unsuitable for each other and wish that i was single and could just get on and do the things i need to do to sort myself out without having her as a burden as well. I constantly feel resentful and nearly everything she does is annoying me and i hate feeling this way. 

Its so hard with kids involved i really dont know if i have the strength to just tell her i want to seperate. Don't know what to do and its just eating me up


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## jennz (Jul 14, 2012)

My situation is very similiar. But we are both here trying to find answers, I think that says we still want to try. I am hoping to save my relationship, I am just unsure wether it is too late or not.


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## dwoods77 (Jul 14, 2012)

jennz said:


> My situation is very similiar. But we are both here trying to find answers, I think that says we still want to try. I am hoping to save my relationship, I am just unsure wether it is too late or not.


I Wish you luck! I am glad your both trying to work thru it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jennz (Jul 14, 2012)

Thank you :smthumbup:


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## dwoods77 (Jul 14, 2012)

Update: tonight my partner was asking me whether I wanted to get married. I couldn't answer her for a long time and told her I don't think I want to, she asked me why and I couldn't answer her... So hard 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Archon (Jul 13, 2012)

Dwoods, do you feel like there's no love between you or are you just struggling with the mundane "ever day"? Perhaps you should consider Individual Counseling or Marriage Counseling to see where you lost the spark.


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## mc1234 (Jun 9, 2012)

dwoods77 said:


> Update: tonight my partner was asking me whether I wanted to get married. I couldn't answer her for a long time and told her I don't think I want to, she asked me why and I couldn't answer her... So hard
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is the time to tell her the truth, gently. You have not been meeting each other needs for a long time. If you are feeling this way now, marriage will not make it better. It takes a lot of work from both husbands and wives to keep a good marriage going. If you feel you can not listen to her now, what will it be like in 1, 2, 5+ years down the line? If you genuinely love each other, find out what each other needs are and try to meet them, give yourselves some time (6/12 mths) to rediscover each other. If not, be honest about this, then let each other find future happiness and love with some else, without any regrets.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dwoods77 (Jul 14, 2012)

mc1234 said:


> This is the time to tell her the truth, gently. You have not been meeting each other needs for a long time. If you are feeling this way now, marriage will not make it better. It takes a lot of work from both husbands and wives to keep a good marriage going. If you feel you can not listen to her now, what will it be like in 1, 2, 5+ years down the line? If you genuinely love each other, find out what each other needs are and try to meet them, give yourselves some time (6/12 mths) to rediscover each other. If not, be honest about this, then let each other find future happiness and love with some else, without any regrets.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I've told her I'm unhappy but we're still not really talking about it, I can tell she's really hurt but I just find it so hard to talk about. Going try to talk to her about it tonight. Have huge knots in my stomach 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 123abc (Jul 22, 2012)

How did it go?


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## dwoods77 (Jul 14, 2012)

123abc said:


> How did it go?


A bit of an update, for a few weeks we both avoided the issue as much as possible. Things were a little cold but last week my partner moved in with her Mum for two weeks to give ourselves some space. Today she came over and we talked it over and decided to go our seperate ways. Don't think i have ever cried so much in my life as i have today. Just so worried about my kids and how they will cope with the seperation every time i think of it i burst into tears.


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