# Do I take him back?



## confusedsad_wife

Okay so I haven't been on here for over a year - here's the story.
Hubby and I were together for eight years, married for three. We had a lot of ups and downs and tried to sort through them but in the end there was an ultimate deal breaker. I found out that he had cheated on me years earlier and the woman had had a child. He had kept this from me for five years, including paying child support. We separated nine months ago but have remained friends. While I have worked on bettering myself, he began a new relationship pretty quickly. Over the years i had been suspicious of him hiding something from me and had been quite upset about it. however he convinced me that it was all in my head and that i was overreacting to nothing. this led to me being diagnosed with BPD. I recently realised that I did not have BPD, that my suspicions were actually correct! Recently he spoke to me about a possible reconciliation. He is willing to break up with the new woman and go to anger management. I don't know what to do. I love him still and I am willing to work through our issues that we had during the relationship but I don't know if I can forgive him for the lies or trust him again. 

I would really appreciate any advice or stories of liars who have been capable of change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk

Do you have children?

How old are you?


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## happy as a clam

confusedsad_wife said:


> ...however he convinced me that it was all in my head and that i was overreacting to nothing. this led to me being diagnosed with BPD. I recently realised that I did not have BPD, that my suspicions were actually correct!


Why would you even consider going back to someone who manipulated you to the point where you believed you had MENTAL ILLNESS or a PERSONALITY DISORDER (not sure if you're referring to borderline or bipolar).

To lie to someone, then sit back and watch them get a serious diagnosis, and still continue to lie to them is despicable.

This guy needs a lot more than anger management. Perhaps a psych evaluation is in order for HIM.

I would thank my lucky stars that the divorce is over and you can move on. The fact that he is willing to dump current girlfriend just to get back with you says a lot about his character. How do you think she will feel?

He will do this to you again. He is a pathological liar.


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## Jellybeans

confusedsad_wife said:


> I found out that he had cheated on me years earlier and the woman had had a child. He had kept this from me *for five years,* including paying child support.
> 
> Recently he spoke to me about a possible reconciliation. *He is willing to break up with the new woman *and go to anger management.


Oh, he's "willing" to break up with her but hasn't? 

I would have laughed in his face.

He is essentially telling you that you are his back up plan. Like, if you are into it, THEN he'll dump her but otherwise, he's staying with her.

Five years is a LONG time to be lied to about something as major as having fathered a child with someone else. Not to mention lying about the finances.

I wouldn't go back. Move on with your life.


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## PBear

confusedsad_wife said:


> Okay so I haven't been on here for over a year - here's the story.
> Hubby and I were together for eight years, married for three. We had a lot of ups and downs and tried to sort through them but in the end there was an ultimate deal breaker. I found out that he had cheated on me years earlier and the woman had had a child. He had kept this from me for five years, including paying child support. We separated nine months ago but have remained friends. While I have worked on bettering myself, he began a new relationship pretty quickly. Over the years i had been suspicious of him hiding something from me and had been quite upset about it. however he convinced me that it was all in my head and that i was overreacting to nothing. this led to me being diagnosed with BPD. I recently realised that I did not have BPD, that my suspicions were actually correct! Recently he spoke to me about a possible reconciliation. He is willing to break up with the new woman and go to anger management. I don't know what to do. I love him still and I am willing to work through our issues that we had during the relationship but I don't know if I can forgive him for the lies or trust him again.
> 
> I would really appreciate any advice or stories of liars who have been capable of change.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, I've got nothing as to why you should even try to get back with him. Besides cheating on you physically, he's also cheated on you financially. And this love child will be a constant reminder to you of what he's done.

Plus the fact that he's in a relationship now, but talking to you about dumping her and hooking up with you again. If that doesn't tell you that he's still without a clue with regards to relationships, I don't know what else to tell you. 

C


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## doubletrouble

You love who you thought he was. He's shown you that was a mask. 

You're not BPD, but you've been mindfvcked. Unless you're masochistic, for your own sake move forward, not back to him. 

There are much more healthy men out there who would appreciate you.


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## vi_bride04

Sounds like he just doesn't want to be alone. He will just do the same thing down the road, it sounds like he is a serial cheater. If you take him back it will show him that you can be treated the lowest of the low and he will face no consequences. 

You deserve way better than that.


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