# day just got bad



## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

So I texted my husband a link to a car he wants. I didn't say anything just texted the ljnk it was a great deal and I didn't want him to miss out bc I'm not talking to him. So all in all I know it shouldn't bother me, but he didn't respond at all. He said nothing and now I just want to curl up and cry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

180. We all need to learn the 180 and stick with it.


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## OutOfTheBlue (Nov 4, 2011)

This is me said:


> 180. We all need to learn the 180 and stick with it.


I agree.

cherrymamajb87.

I don't mean to be harsh but he is walking all over you. At this point, you are his fallback in case things don't work out. Do you want to be a fallback? I doubt it. You need to read about the 180 again, don't just read it, digest it, understand it, live it. Do you have something to offer to a husband/partner - I bet you do. Time to prove it.

Come on girl, you *can* do it.


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

Well he responded, asked how me and our son were I just said fine and you? He texted me back "lonely but focussed" wish I knew what to feel about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

It doesn't matter. I'm so done with this. I'm tired of reading books, webpages, articles, blogs, ebooks and everything else I can find on fixing or repairing a broken marriage. Guess what, its called a break up bc its broken!!! If he wants me he's gonna have to work for it. And when he's ready MAYBE ill be there!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OutOfTheBlue (Nov 4, 2011)

cherrymamajb87 said:


> If he wants me he's gonna have to work for it. And when he's ready MAYBE ill be there!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly 

He doesn't decide your future, you do. If he is part of your future, then that is your choice, not his.

You're getting it.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

OutOfTheBlue said:


> Exactly
> 
> He doesn't decide your future, you do. If he is part of your future, then that is your choice, not his.
> 
> You're getting it.


Well said! 

I fumble the 180 all the time and need to make it concrete. After seeing her today and bending again to see if she would warm a little, it was clear she is in control of me. This is not good and left me sad again.

I am going to see if my IC/MC agrees that i need to stop the lunches and friendly help that I still give her. Set some bounderies. 

I am tired of being her plan B. If she wants to really repair the marriage then she needs to do more than just showing up to take more from me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is me said:


> 180. We all need to learn the 180 and stick with it.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Stop contacting him. Stop catering to him. Stop caring about his car issues. Stop. stop. stop.

Work on you and making yourself whole.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is me said:


> Well said!
> 
> I fumble the 180 all the time and need to make it concrete. After seeing her today and bending again to see if she would warm a little, it was clear she is in control of me. This is not good and left me sad again.
> 
> ...


TIM! Stop the lunches. Stop the friendly help. SHE LEFT YOU. Stop it stop it stop it. JUST be business-like. Give her what she wanted and that wasn't your marriage. Let her see life without you in it. 

Sorry to be blunt. I just want you to get better


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> TIM! Stop the lunches. Stop the friendly help. SHE LEFT YOU. Stop it stop it stop it. JUST be business-like. Give her what she wanted and that wasn't your marriage. Let her see life without you in it.
> 
> Sorry to be blunt. I just want you to get better


I appreciate it tg! I can be stubborn and dumb. Stay on me. I think I am starting to wise up a bit. I have been about 65% good on the 180 points and need to go 100%.

I was reading all about MLC's tonight and see that I need to do this right. Thank you!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This is me said:


> I appreciate it tg! I can be stubborn and dumb. Stay on me. I think I am starting to wise up a bit. I have been about 65% good on the 180 points and need to go 100%.
> 
> I was reading all about MLC's tonight and see that I need to do this right. Thank you!


Just because you stick to it doesn't mean you don't love her.

You're just giving her what she wants.


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## jasmine79 (Jul 5, 2010)

The 180 rule and no contact has really helped me move on with my life. The beginning was really hard but it got better with each passing day, but whenever there was contact (and for me it wasnt even direct contact, maybe just a relative of his calling me and asking how i was doing) there would always be a step back in terms of healing and moving on.
Stick to the 180.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

jasmine79 said:


> The 180 rule and no contact has really helped me move on with my life. The beginning was really hard but it got better with each passing day, but whenever there was contact (and for me it wasnt even direct contact, maybe just a relative of his calling me and asking how i was doing) there would always be a step back in terms of healing and moving on.
> Stick to the 180.


Any advice on dealing with things like her mail, bills, other business contacting? I can see where her once a week meet makes sense in her getting the stuff she needs. Also, should I change the locks?


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## jhult (Oct 31, 2011)

I want to know how to do the 180 when you are still living together. I am spending alot of time alone with the kids because of her work schedule, and have gone out a few times with friends, but so has she. She initiates most contact and still shows love towards me. Hard to know what to do. Maybe a girlfriend is the answer...lol.


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