# Men gossip about their intimate life?



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I've been told by my several guy friends that almost all guys show off to their friends how they got laid and what they did with the girl(whether she's a ONS or a regular GF). The talk is so intimate that the guy shows off and confesses all the intimate details to his friend about how he did her and what he did to her, *trying to appear superior.*

I'm still surprised that at 2014 guys show off about this stuff as if getting laid and banging a woman is big achievement. 
I can understand if sex was still taboo and in the past guys used to show off A LOT ...but I didn't know this goes on even nowadays.

Even a guy at my gym told me that in the Men's Room the only thing you hear guys talk about is how they f*cked a girl and what positions they used on her.

I'm quite disappointed to be honest. Not about that fact that guy discuss intimate stuff,* but about the fact that they try to show off about it.*There are cases when the guy dates the girl and eventhough they haven't slept together, he shows off to his guy pretending he got her laid.

***************
Do you have friends who do this with you?
Do you men have intimate talk with your friends? How far does the discussion go?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It's a form of ****blocking. Whether men are still with the woman or not, they will do that. It all makes perfect sense when you think about how much physical betrayal bothers men, how men want to fight for the dominant position, etc. You get the picture, right?


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Have I done this? Not since I was a teenager, so yeah... children do this. Mature men, secure in themselves, have no need to boast. I see such actions as looking for self-esteem boosts and I don't validate externally too terrible much.

My conversations with my friends about our sex lives happen tangentially, and are never blow-by-blow (pardon the pun) details. It's more along the lines of when they relate that their wife is hounding them for birthday present suggestions, I shrug and say, "Steak and a blowjob." They shake their head and say, "Nah, that was last night." Then we laugh and move on. That's about the extent of it, and only with my closest friends (the ones I can count on one hand). I simply don't discuss it with anyone else.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Real good friend of mine told me that the best BJ he ever had was from his ex wife who I have known for a long time.

One day I saw her eating a Bomb pop which is a huge Popsicle and all I kept thinking about was what he told me. Finally she asked what I was looking at and I told her that I was just daydreaming and it was nothing. Meanwhile when I got home I had to take a cold shower.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> It's a form of ****blocking. Whether men are still with the woman or not, they will do that. It all makes perfect sense when you think about how much physical betrayal bothers men, how men want to fight for the dominant position, etc. You get the picture, right?


People are going to do this, I'm sure it occurred before Christ.


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

lovelygirl said:


> I've been told by my several guy friends that almost all guys show off to their friends how they got laid and what they did with the girl(whether she's a ONS or a regular GF). The talk is so intimate that the guy shows off and confesses all the intimate details to his friend about how he did her and what he did to her, *trying to appear superior.*
> 
> I'm still surprised that at 2014 guys show off about this stuff as if getting laid and banging a woman is big achievement.
> I can understand if sex was still taboo and in the past guys used to show off A LOT ...but I didn't know this goes on even nowadays.
> ...


Well I retired Military and It was done with single guys but no married guy that I new did it. I've been involved in several gyms and none did it while I was in there. Sure maybe some here and there just not as much as you think. But hey! Don't women chat as well???


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

High school stuff.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I've heard from my female friend that women are guilty of this also.

sometimes much more graphic than men in their descriptions.


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## SoxFan (Jun 9, 2012)

:iagree: I have some close friends from high school ( we are in our mid-fifties now) and we have been through a lot together. We have never discussed details of our sex lives in any detail. The occasional generic complaint about lack of frequency occurs but not much more than that. Don't know if my experience with this is common but we don't have these discussions. I would say even when we were teenagers there was just not this type of conversation that occurred. Even during my college years playing football with the same teammates for 4 years I can't remember any detailed discussions of any intimate details. I just never felt it necessary.


Convection said:


> Have I done this? Not since I was a teenager, so yeah... children do this. Mature men, secure in themselves, have no need to boast. I see such actions as looking for self-esteem boosts and I don't validate externally too terrible much.
> 
> My conversations with my friends about our sex lives happen tangentially, and are never blow-by-blow (pardon the pun) details. It's more along the lines of when they relate that their wife is hounding them for birthday present suggestions, I shrug and say, "Steak and a blowjob." They shake their head and say, "Nah, that was last night." Then we laugh and move on. That's about the extent of it, and only with my closest friends (the ones I can count on one hand). I simply don't discuss it with anyone else.


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## Big Dude (Feb 24, 2013)

Although I cannot speak for all men, I cannot think of a single time in my life when I participated in a conversation about sexual encounters. Nor have I heard others doing so. I move in many social circles and have spent time with groups of drunken, profane, and politically incorrect men who talk about the most outrageous things...but never details of sexual conquests. It's just not done in my world.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Married men hardly talk about their sex life with their friends ,whether it's good or not, except tangentially.

However, on the casual sex scene, they compare notes with each other all the time. And sometimes they " embellish " the details to suit their objective.
Compare notes with the woman they're boasting about and she'd tell you the exact opposite.

From my experience [ when i was dating] , some women compared notes with their girlfriends too. But they didn't boast, they "rated' the guys they'd been with.

A lot of times their ratings weren't half of what the guy said of himself.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I totally had my way with lovelygirl

she couldn't get enough of me


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rooster2014 said:


> Well I retired Military and It was done with single guys but no married guy that I new did it. I've been involved in several gyms and none did it while I was in there. Sure maybe some here and there just not as much as you think. But hey! Don't women chat as well???


IT depends on the woman. My experience is that some women, not all, will talk to their friends. Generally it's just a mention that they had sex. It's not bragging about the things done in sex.

When I've overheard men talking about this they get more into the description of the sex and bragging about it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

all holes are open guys


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> I've been told by my several guy friends that almost all guys show off to their friends how they got laid and what they did with the girl(whether she's a ONS or a regular GF). The talk is so intimate that the guy shows off and confesses all the intimate details to his friend about how he did her and what he did to her, *trying to appear superior.*
> 
> I'm still surprised that at 2014 guys show off about this stuff as if getting laid and banging a woman is big achievement.
> I can understand if sex was still taboo and in the past guys used to show off A LOT ...but I didn't know this goes on even nowadays.
> ...


This once again highlights the biggest sexual difference between men and women.

While you are a lovely girl, Lovelygirl, you are working with a woman's assumptions. If you walk into a bar and you are in the absolute center of the bell curve, you can find someone to take home. It may not be your first pick, but you will get SOMEONE and probably not a troll either. The biggest obstacle a woman generally faces is her own selection bias.

There is no accomplishment to just saying 'yes'.

For a man it is different. It is about appearing acceptable (recall that one of those dating sites laid out that most women rated most men as 'well below average' in appearance, despite the statistical impossibility of same), standing out against the welter of MALE competition, getting by the hen party that the woman is likely traveling with (including that girlfriend who currently hates men and wants to share her hate with her other friends), to find the woman, get her interested and avoid the 6,253 different emotional, physical, psychological and relationship landmines she brings with her that warrants an automatic 'no' ("Ew! Nosehair!")

It is easier today then ever I suppose, though frankly, I really don't want to hear about what a guy does exactly. I'd rather know who he is with and how he got her. So you are correct that such a conversation is less relevant.

It is still, in men's eyes, more of an accomplishment than you think. Most men get turned down for dates at 90% rates. So yes, they will 'appreciate' that 10%


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I agree with CM. 

I have been around married women who have talked about other folks sex lives. Not how it tasted or anything, mind you. Just that so and so was sleeping with other men and they liked getting into this type of sex or that. They had an open marriage and got together with so and so. 

Men I've known basically just said they had sex with so and so and bragged how good it was. Similar to what CM wrote. I've been asked if I wanted someone's leftovers, after they moved on. Things like that. No great detail. 

Kind of put me off. I didn't like it. I didn't like anything I did being talked about at the place I worked right after x2 left me either. Seemed like they knew my whole life. That's what many here will tell others to do, expose. It is insidious. 

So, do men and women do this stuff? Yeah, they do sometimes. If you haven't been on the receiving end, you can't know how it feels. I do.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Married men hardly talk about their sex life with their friends ,whether it's good or not, except tangentially.
> 
> However, on the casual sex scene, they compare notes with each other all the time. And sometimes they " embellish " the details to suit their objective.
> Compare notes with the woman they're boasting about and she'd tell you the exact opposite.
> ...


This!

I am recalling my military days when I had most of these sort of conversations. And honestly, the ones I recall had less to do with 'I got with this girl...' and more to do with '...and they installed a security camera in the store room so I got fired cause it was all caught on tape.'

The sex was rarely blow by blow, and tangential. I had this one friend who spoke like that, but he had a real grudge with women, so he had a few issues.

And this was all single girls they dated. Anything more than 'I dated her a few times' and the Iron Curtain went up. Maybe with trusted friends, but why would I tell my friends what kind of stuff my wife likes? To make them more likely to make a play for her? To diminish her quality in their eyes? To possibly embarrass her and make my life a living hell when it came out?

Maybe that's a Croatian thing.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I agree, it's high school stuff that's why I feel disappointed when I hear thirty-something guys talk about sex that way as if they were still in high-school.

I know women gossip as much as men, if not more ...but THE WAY they talk about it is different.
Women like to share details in the sense of getting an opinion. 
While men do it in a way to boast and show off.

Both genders talk about the same thing, but the intention is different.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> I totally had my way with lovelygirl
> 
> she couldn't get enough of me


This is how they show off.

And to even think that they didn't have any way with the girl in the first place.
lol :lol:

There are guys who MAKE THINGS UP.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Stop lying, you know you loved it


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I didn't love it, you just rolled over and went to sleep straight afterwards. Then you couldn't get it up again!
Also you're supposed to treat the clitoris with care, not try to chew it off


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Revisionist history since I didn't text you back the next day


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

man I slammed the old lady last night like a broken screen door!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

No no,
It's all code I tell ya.
All that sports talk is really about sex. Where the heck do you think a term like touch down came from?
So anyway, my swim workout is up to 3/4 mile now.
MN


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

lovelygirl said:


> I've been told by my several guy friends that almost all guys show off to their friends how they got laid and what they did with the girl(whether she's a ONS or a regular GF). The talk is so intimate that the guy shows off and confesses all the intimate details to his friend about how he did her and what he did to her, *trying to appear superior.*
> 
> I'm still surprised that at 2014 guys show off about this stuff as if getting laid and banging a woman is big achievement.
> I can understand if sex was still taboo and in the past guys used to show off A LOT ...but I didn't know this goes on even nowadays.
> ...


I've read several other of your threads.

You need new guy friends.


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## cantholdback (Jul 24, 2014)

OP, from my experience, this isn't true at all. In fact, I would argue that it is, in fact, more likely the other way around.

I'm 36 and have had many friends over the years. Almost none of the males have went into details about sex acts beyond high school and a little in college. The most I would expect to hear is one asking, "did you hit that?", and the other answering, "yep" and that would be the end of it and I haven't even heard anyone ask that in years. 

Girls seem to be much more likely to have "Sex and the City" type talks. I remember my girlfriend telling me her friend asking about the size of my penis and if we had done certain sex acts together yet right after we got together. She said she didn't tell her anything, but I doubt that is true. The questions had to start from somewhere.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Do you men have intimate talk with your friends? How far does the discussion go?


I have two best friends who I sometimes talk in detail with about sexual matters. They do the same. It's not about boasting, we're just incredibly close and can be brutally honest and transparent with one another. 

My wife has a similar relationship with one of her best friends.

Neither of us are ashamed, or embarrassed, about being open about intimate details with these very important people. It's not big deal whatsoever with these specific people. All others would be another story entirely.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I'm a guy and I've never experienced this beyond another guy telling me that he hooked up with a girl and maybe if it was good or not.

I'm older (47) so maybe the younger crowd is a bit more public with their sex life but this attitude isn't my experience.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good morning all
just as another data point, I've never talked about my sex life with another guy - and only once had another guy tell me about his experiences.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> I agree, it's high school stuff that's why I feel disappointed when I hear thirty-something guys talk about sex that way as if they were still in high-school.
> 
> *I know women gossip as much as men, if not more ...but THE WAY they talk about it is different.
> Women like to share details in the sense of getting an opinion.
> ...



Gotta love rationalizations.

Uh huh! TOTALLY different! I am sure there is no passive aggressive 'look what I got that you don't'. Men beat their chests. Women slip in the knife.

So if you want to justify your gossiping, go ahead. I don't mind.

Just like when the women CASUALLY mention that hubby is taking the wife to St. Barts or CASUALLY wave the engagement ring. They are seeking OPINIONS.

Got it!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex-husband and several of his married friends were big on the play-by-play over-sharing about sexual encounters with both their OW and their wives. These were the same guys who would also share intimate photographs of the same ladies. So, yes, there are guys who do this, but they usually have a lot of other really toxic relationship habits as well, even if their partner's don't realize it. 

By the way, finding out my husband had been sharing the intimate details of our sexual relationship with a number of his buddies - apparently for the duration of our 21 years together - was one of the most profoundly horrifying and deeply humiliating things I've ever experienced. There really just are no words.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

JCD said:


> The biggest obstacle a woman generally faces is her own selection bias.
> 
> There is no accomplishment to just saying 'yes'.
> 
> For a man it is different.


Men too would find a whole lot more opportunity if they would but open their eyes and see the women who *are* interested in them.

But they don't want to lower their standards, and take home just any troll.

I can't imagine why.:scratchhead:


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> I've been told by my several guy friends that almost all guys show off to their friends how they got laid and what they did with the girl(whether she's a ONS or a regular GF). The talk is so intimate that the guy shows off and confesses all the intimate details to his friend about how he did her and what he did to her, *trying to appear superior.*
> 
> I'm still surprised that at 2014 guys show off about this stuff as if getting laid and banging a woman is big achievement.
> I can understand if sex was still taboo and in the past guys used to show off A LOT ...but I didn't know this goes on even nowadays.
> ...


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

The guys that talk the most about sex, are getting the least IRL.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

BradWesley said:


> The guys that talk the most about sex, are getting the least IRL.


Kind of reminds me of the Monty Python, "Nudge, Nudge" skit.

Monty Python - Nudge Nudge (Candid Photography) - YouTube


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

I've never talked about it with anyone other than my wife either.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

always_alone said:


> Men too would find a whole lot more opportunity if they would but open their eyes and see the women who *are* interested in them.
> 
> But they don't want to lower their standards, and take home just any troll.
> 
> I can't imagine why.:scratchhead:


It is hardly unique for a person to be chased by someone they don't find themselves attracted to. It happened to me even when I had absolutely nothing going for me.

But the question was of 'conquests' and bragging rights. I believe that women are just as likely to brag about dating Reginald DeMoney III who has a mansion and a yacht as a man is to say he nailed Daisy Duke, or as we like to say 'Double D'.

It is a difference of what they consider 'important'. I don't brag about such things, but some guys do. Just like some women will brag about a guy with a lot of money, a lot of...ahem! or a lot of time and attention, depending on what they value most in the relationship.

But just like women of days past luxuriated in having a choice of suitors, why should men be any different about having a bevy of women who actually 'proved' their acceptance...to a certain extent?

That is it equal to both sexes isn't the point. Lovelygirl lobbed a gender specific hardball...I am just noting it is a 'foul ball'.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she was sooooo lose I had to strap a board to my a$$ to keep from falling in!

shes a screamer........just like the chick in porkies.

I could go on and on.



my man is sooo romantic he took me to a candle lite dinner and then dropped to one knee and proposed.

lay your man right the first time and you can walk all over him.


my opinion either your the type who talks about it or not both genders do it equally.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Oh dear lord no but it's funny to watch the women who yack day and night with their hen friends about just that act 'horrified' and outraged that someone turned the tables on them.


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

Redheadguy said:


> I've never talked about it with anyone other than my wife either.


I am the same. I have never spoke about my wife in that setting. that's just plain stupid


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> Do you have friends who do this with you?
> Do you men have intimate talk with your friends? How far does the discussion go?


I have friends who seem to think its necessary to tell me they've slept with this girl or that if we happen to come across her. I do not, myself... it's just irrelevant. Not really a secret I'm protecting, but rather that I don't see a reason to bring it up. I do feel like the guys I hear it from are imagining it boosts their status... but honestly its one of those things I sort of shake my head at.

I do not know anyone who talks about intimate details beyond some vague statement like "she's a freak in the sheets, it was awesome". Definitely nothing graphic, no positions or what they did... occasionally might include where though, if they hooked up in a weird place.

And that's probably the absolute limit of intimate talk among most of my friends. There are a select few who will engage in private personal intimate discussion, but usually for constructive/problem solving purposes, not bragging.

I've actually found that women talk a lot more about the details than men do.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

6301 said:


> Real good friend of mine told me that the best BJ he ever had was from his ex wife who I have known for a long time.
> 
> One day I saw her eating a Bomb pop which is a huge Popsicle and all I kept thinking about was what he told me. Finally she asked what I was looking at and I told her that I was just daydreaming and it was nothing. Meanwhile when I got home I had to take a cold shower.


Lol.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> From my experience [ when i was dating] , some women compared notes with their girlfriends too. But they didn't boast, they "rated' the guys they'd been with.
> 
> A lot of times their ratings weren't half of what the guy said of himself.


The ladies have their own sketchiness. A lot of the times their ratings change based on how they perceived the end of the relationship as going. If it was an ugly breakup, you can put money down that he also now gets a bad "rating".


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I talk about sex with my close buddies. I didn't at all when I was married - but since splitting with my wife, I now discuss my sex life with my guy friends. I only discuss it with 1 married friend (who tells me all about his sex life), the rest are single (or not married, anyway) guys. I guess because it's new to me (sleeping with different women) I'm excited about it. There's probably an element of boasting there - but not one-upsmanship or c*ck blocking. 

I'm nearly divorced and my stbxw basically caused me to shut down - so I kind of feel like I'm living again, re-living some youth, sewing some wild oats. I have friends again, which I basically wasn't allowed to for so long. I was cheated on by the stbxw, and it crushed my manhood and self esteem. SO there's probably an element of needing to prove my attractiveness/sexiness/worthiness to myself and others. It's damn humiliating being cheated on, and it can really make you feel like you're not a man. So, yeah, I'm in the mode of conquests right now, and I have friends who I discuss the dirty details with. I never did this before (when I was with the ex). My married friends (save the one) never discuss it. Probably because it's routine and boring (that's just an assumption).

I can see how it would appear immature and classless. But I don't care. I'm having fun. It's good to have buddies again.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> I've heard from my female friend that women are guilty of this also.
> 
> sometimes much more graphic than men in their descriptions.


This is a fact.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Dollystanford said:


> I didn't love it, you just rolled over and went to sleep straight afterwards. Then you couldn't get it up again!
> Also you're supposed to treat the clitoris with care, not try to chew it off


Lol!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lovelygirl said:


> Do you have friends who do this with you?
> Do you men have intimate talk with your friends? How far does the discussion go?


I do not have friends who do this. Back in HS it was bragging. Most times nothing did happen. 

I have no intimate talks with my friends when it comes to my sexual escapades. I'm married. Nobodies business but mine and my W.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

BradWesley said:


> The guys that talk the most about sex, are getting the least IRL.


And you know this how?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

This is what little boys do.

Once you are a grown man you know that everything you say/more people that know about you = worse off you are.

I don't mind sharing it here though....whatever.

But I don't share details with people I know....


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

In my 44 years my experience has been the exact *opposite* of this. Among guys, and *especially* in professional settings, no one is talking about sex and getting laid. Nor would anyone *want* to with other guys.

As some have said back in high school? Sure. Possibly college also if you went away and were part of a frat or something. As an adult? Definitely no.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

This behavior is very common when young but not so much as we get older. 

My recently divorced friends are an exception (both male and female). Maybe its just me but recently divorced people seem to like to brag about sex a lot, as if married people aren't having sex too.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> And you know this how?


Perhaps he has talked smack before but was not getting any? Back in the day I would embellish from time to time.


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> This behavior is very common when young but not so much as we get older.
> 
> My recently divorced friends are an exception (both male and female). Maybe its just me but recently divorced people seem to like to brag about sex a lot, as if married people aren't having sex too.


My divorced friends actually arent too bad in this regard (thankfully), but I do know what you mean and I've heard this before.

I think its temporary though. Almost like a midlife crisis when you first come out of a bad marriage.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> This behavior is very common when young but not so much as we get older.
> 
> My recently divorced friends are an exception (both male and female). Maybe its just me but recently divorced people seem to like to brag about sex a lot, as if married people aren't having sex too.


It's not that. Divorce messes with a person and can create pretty powerful feelings of inadequacy, humiliation and low self esteem. It's partly an insecurity thing, and partly an excitement thing. In some ways being divorced (especially for those who were cheated on) IS like being a kid again. All these new sexual experiences...remember when you were young and got laid for the first few times? It's not a disrespect thing to married folks.

I remember when I first started dating after separating from my cheating stbxw. I landed a really hot Russian woman and I went around work showing everyone her picture.  I was excited and showing off, but I was also subconsciously saying "see, I'm worthy! My wife cheated on me and I'm getting a divorce but I'm still wanted!". It was rather pathetic and sad. However, it did my self esteem a huge favor. And man, did I need that at the time.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I do think it's interesting that so many of you associate open, shameless talk about sex with "bragging".

It is possible to talk freely, and unashamedly, with people you trust about sex and it have nothing to do with boasting or bragging. Some people just like having that level of openness, some just like talking about sex, some feel amazing about their love life and are willing to talk exuberantly about it.

Not everything is about trying to one up folks.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Not everything is about trying to one up folks.


The bragging I've heard isn't really one upsmanship, its more like excessive pride or ego. They want you to think they're awesome or be happy for them.

As for whether its regular comfortable sex conversation or bragging, depends largely how what is said and how it is said.


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

I dont think its "bragging" or any other thing. Adult men just don't "share" on this level in general.

It's simply a different dynamic. Plus the OP asked about "gossip". "Gossip" has a negative connotation.

The answer would have been the same though, even if the OP had asked "do men have open and honest discussions about their sexuality with their buddies?"

Answer: no


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

jaquen said:


> I do think it's interesting that so many of you associate open, shameless talk about sex with "bragging".
> 
> It is possible to talk freely, and unashamedly, with people you trust about sex and it have nothing to do with boasting or bragging. Some people just like having that level of openness, some just like talking about sex, some feel amazing about their love life and are willing to talk exuberantly about it.
> 
> Not everything is about trying to one up folks.


:iagree:

The most I hear about is the dudes who are unhappy with the quantity and / or quality they are getting.

That followed by guys that are really happy about the uptick from their wife at either Peri-menopause or trying to conceive.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Quantmflux said:


> I dont think its "bragging" or any other thing. Adult men just don't "share" on this level in general.
> 
> It's simply a different dynamic. Plus the OP asked about "gossip". "Gossip" has a negative connotation.


Touche. The OP is definitely framed in a negative connotation. 



Quantmflux said:


> The answer would have been the same though, even if the OP had asked *"do men have open and honest discussions about their sexuality with their buddies?"*
> 
> Answer: no



Seeing that there are men who do, the answer to the bolded question isn't, and can't be, "no".

I do. I'm close to several men who do. Plenty of men do.


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

jaquen said:


> Touche. The OP is definitely framed in a negative connotation.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Sure. It's all qualified with "in my experience"

There is literally nothing at all that is universally true in human behavior except that there is nothing universal.

I suspect, though, that most men don't hang with their friends and discuss intimacy issues, technique, performance problems, etc in an open and honest way.

Some? Sure. Majority? No. Forums like this are especially important for guys because they provide a "safe" venue to discuss these things anonymously. Even then, though, there are plenty of men who wouldnt be caught dead on forums like this, or put up a false front even in the anonymous setting, etc.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

jaquen said:


> Touche. The OP is definitely framed in a negative connotation.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yup. My buddy is also very open about his sexual health issues. He has prostate problems - a high count of whatever the bad hormone is and has to get a second biopsy and watched closely for cancer. It messes with his sex life/erections/libido. We talk openly about that stuff. Maybe it's because we're musicians.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Lovelygirl, It seems like there is a story behind your question. Your words make it sound like you have some issues or anger with guys. Is that so? What's the story? Has one of your ex's shared too much about what you two did?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Quantmflux said:


> Sure. It's all qualified with "in my experience"
> 
> There is literally nothing at all that is universally true in human behavior except that there is nothing universal.
> 
> ...


In this context how would we know though?

For example I have friends. I have quite a lot of friends. I literally don't know one man who doesn't have friends.

Men on TAM constantly post that they have no friends. I've read thread after thread with men who detail friendless existences and state that they don't know too many men who have real friends. From what I've seen I am in a serve minority when it comes to my view on the importance of friendship, yet my real life, with all the hundreds to thousands of people I've met, doesn't bear out the TAM reality whatsoever. 

Who is in the majority? How would we even know?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I have a couple of groups of friends. Played squash with the same 5 guys for about 6 years. Have never talked about sex with any of them.

I have another group of friends that I play golf with. One is a former business partner and we have spent 20+ years working next to each other. The other guys I have known for a few years. We bring up sex quite often, but never in too much detail. Just things like, 'got lucky this morning'. Or I managed to do it twice last night (we are all in our 50s/60s). 

We have spent weeks together away on golf trips. Things come up about prior hookups/girlfriends from years ago. Everyone has a story or two. Usually creates some laughs and amunition to poke fun at each other later.

None of us have ever talked in detail about the actual sex acts with our wives. We talk about getting sex and not getting sex and that is about it.

Met a recently divorced guy this year at 'mens night'. Every Monday night he would have a different story about some woman he met on 'Match.com'. Found it amusing, but never shared anything about my sexual relationship with my wife. Was amazed at how easy it was for him to get laid (if I could believe what he was telling me).


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

youkiddingme said:


> Lovelygirl, It seems like there is a story behind your question. Your words make it sound like you have some issues or anger with guys. Is that so? What's the story? Has one of your ex's shared too much about what you two did?


The thread heading makes it sound like there are anger issues.

Is it a question or a statement?

*Do men gossip about their intimate life?* That would be a fair question.

*Men gossip about their intimate life?* Is a thinly veiled attempt to hide a negative statement behind a ?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I have two best friends who I sometimes talk in detail with about sexual matters. They do the same. It's not about boasting, we're just incredibly close and can be brutally honest and transparent with one another.
> 
> My wife has a similar relationship with one of her best friends.
> 
> Neither of us are ashamed, or embarrassed, about being open about intimate details with these very important people. It's not big deal whatsoever with these specific people. All others would be another story entirely.


Having this discussion between very-close guy friends (who are like bros to each other) is one thing and it's very natural.

But bragging about banging in the gym, in front of all guys is another thing.
Imagine yourself in the Men's room talking from the shower how you effed her.
This is what happens.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

JCD said:


> Gotta love rationalizations.
> 
> Uh huh! TOTALLY different! I am sure there is no passive aggressive 'look what I got that you don't'. Men beat their chests. Women slip in the knife.
> 
> ...


I'm not saying women don't brag but not everytime the sex talk comes up...just like it usually happens between guys.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think that there is a difference between genders when it comes to this subject.

If I found out my wife was telling her friends about how great the sex was last night with me, I wouldn't be bummed out about it.  

If I found out my wife was telling her friends how disappointing the sex was last night with me, I would be pissed. :-(

But if I told my friends either stories, she would be pissed. 

I have never mentioned that I have shared things like 'I got lucky this morning'. I have a feeling she might not like it, but wouldn't be too upset.


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

jaquen said:


> In this context how would we know though?


Because men having trouble discussing intimacy in an open and honest manner is a massive topic of analysis and discussion. It's an extremely common topic everywhere.

If most guys had no problem having open, healthy, and honest discussions with their mates (the way I think women do) about sex, sexual dysfunction, intimacy, etc, then it wouldnt be such a talked about issue.

Unless you're saying that in your view men *in general* are seen as being able to be open and honest about their feelings, intimacy, etc and that groups of men are super supportive about this?


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

Holland said:


> The thread heading makes it sound like there are anger issues.
> 
> Is it a question or a statement?
> 
> ...


I agree with this. There is intrinsic confirmation bias when you pose a question as "so this is reality, now why is that?"

Very common though and usually the confirmation flows because whatever the position may be, there will be *someone* who agrees with it.

Personally I reject the premise, but I suspect that when a question is framed the way this was, the asker will never come around and accept that what they have observed is an exception and not the rule even if there were 50,000 replies and a peer reviewed study.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I have friends who seem to think its necessary to tell me they've slept with this girl or that if we happen to come across her. I do not, myself... it's just irrelevant. Not really a secret I'm protecting, but rather that I don't see a reason to bring it up. I do feel like the guys I hear it from are imagining it boosts their status... but honestly its one of those things I sort of shake my head at.
> 
> I do not know anyone who talks about intimate details beyond some vague statement like "she's a freak in the sheets, it was awesome". Definitely nothing graphic, no positions or what they did... occasionally might include where though, if they hooked up in a weird place.
> 
> ...


Because you and your guy friends are mature enough to realize that such talk doesn't need to be detailed unless it's for finding-solutions purposes. 
I can understand if your close guy friend wants to discuss with you something that concerns him. It's all expected...

But I can't understand why he would tell you how he did her and from what angle.

Total immaturity. 


I'm glad to see there are men out there who have some common sense!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Healer said:


> I talk about sex with my close buddies. I didn't at all when I was married - but since splitting with my wife, I now discuss my sex life with my guy friends. I only discuss it with 1 married friend (who tells me all about his sex life), the rest are single (or not married, anyway) guys. I guess because it's new to me (sleeping with different women) I'm excited about it. There's probably an element of boasting there - but not one-upsmanship or c*ck blocking.
> 
> I'm nearly divorced and my stbxw basically caused me to shut down - so I kind of feel like I'm living again, re-living some youth, sewing some wild oats. I have friends again, which I basically wasn't allowed to for so long. I was cheated on by the stbxw, and it crushed my manhood and self esteem. SO there's probably an element of needing to prove my attractiveness/sexiness/worthiness to myself and others. It's damn humiliating being cheated on, and it can really make you feel like you're not a man. So, yeah, I'm in the mode of conquests right now, and I have friends who I discuss the dirty details with. I never did this before (when I was with the ex). My married friends (save the one) never discuss it. Probably because it's routine and boring (that's just an assumption).
> 
> I can see how it would appear immature and classless. But I don't care. I'm having fun. It's good to have buddies again.


At least your honest about it and it makes perfect sense.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Healer said:


> I talk about sex with my close buddies. I didn't at all when I was married - but since splitting with my wife, I now discuss my sex life with my guy friends. I only discuss it with 1 married friend (who tells me all about his sex life), the rest are single (or not married, anyway) guys. I guess because it's new to me (sleeping with different women) I'm excited about it. There's probably an element of boasting there - but not one-upsmanship or c*ck blocking.
> 
> I'm nearly divorced and my stbxw basically caused me to shut down - so I kind of feel like I'm living again, re-living some youth, sewing some wild oats. I have friends again, which I basically wasn't allowed to for so long. I was cheated on by the stbxw, and it crushed my manhood and self esteem. SO there's probably an element of needing to prove my attractiveness/sexiness/worthiness to myself and others. It's damn humiliating being cheated on, and it can really make you feel like you're not a man. So, yeah, I'm in the mode of conquests right now, and I have friends who I discuss the dirty details with. I never did this before (when I was with the ex). My married friends (save the one) never discuss it. Probably because it's routine and boring (that's just an assumption).
> 
> I can see how it would appear immature and classless. But I don't care. I'm having fun. It's good to have buddies again.


Do you think your level of sharing is related to the amount of respect you have for the girl?

Once you date one and feel like she is 'relationship' material and not just a booty call, will you be as willing to share the details.

The guy I know on Match.com shares about the ones that were easy. Last time I talked to him, he was very interested in one girl. She has not been 'easy', but they have a great time together. I have a feeling that if they get to be in more of a relationship, he won't be sharing any details about the sex.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

lovelygirl said:


> At least your honest about it and it makes perfect sense.


I think another factor is involved here for me. The only guys I discuss sex with are my bandmates (who are also my closest friends). Now as I said before, me being a divorcing guy has a lot to do with it. But also, there is a different kind of intimacy between bandmates (or can be). It's a very, very personal relationship. Kind of hard to explain. It's almost like a marriage in some ways. It's a different dynamic than your run of the mill friendship. It's like the closest men can get to each other without having sex. When we rehearse, we sing to each other, stare into each other's eyes and harmonize. How gay does that sound? But we're all 100% straight. We've all acknowledged and actually said "this is the closest men can get to each other without humping". Lol. So there's that.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> Do you think your level of sharing is related to the amount of respect you have for the girl?
> 
> Once you date one and feel like she is 'relationship' material and not just a booty call, will you be as willing to share the details.
> 
> The guy I know on Match.com shares about the ones that were easy. Last time I talked to him, he was very interested in one girl. She has not been 'easy', but they have a great time together. I have a feeling that if they get to be in more of a relationship, he won't be sharing any details about the sex.


Good question. I'm not sure. I'm all ****ed up about women after being cheated on and haven't had any real feelings beyond "like" for any woman I've slept with. That's a really good question.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

youkiddingme said:


> Lovelygirl, It seems like there is a story behind your question. Your words make it sound like you have some issues or anger with guys. Is that so? What's the story? Has one of your ex's shared too much about what you two did?


We used to have this discussion with my ex and he had friends who shared or even made things up when it came to girls they had supposedly slept with.

My ex used to say he wasn't like that ..but I don't know what to think.
Now it doesn't matter as he's just an ex so I couldn't care less.

But the discussion came up with a guy at my gym so I though I'd created this thread because from what I've heard lately it seems to be an immature phenomenon among guys of a certain age (raging from 20 to 30).


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I have never mentioned that I have shared things like 'I got lucky this morning'. I have a feeling she might not like it, but wouldn't be too upset.


For me it would depend on the context.
If "I got lucky" is said in a way to express appreciation about her then I'd have no issue.

If it's used to boast and raise the self-esteem...yeah I'd have an issue with that.

But that's me..
I don't know about your wife though.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Quantmflux said:


> Because men having trouble discussing intimacy in an open and honest manner is a massive topic of analysis and discussion. It's an extremely common topic everywhere.
> 
> If most guys had no problem having open, healthy, and honest discussions with their mates (the way I think women do) about sex, sexual dysfunction, intimacy, etc, then it wouldnt be such a talked about issue.
> 
> Unless you're saying that in your view men *in general* are seen as being able to be open and honest about their feelings, intimacy, etc and that groups of men are super supportive about this?


Why do you assume many, even most, men equate intimacy with sex?

Are you a man? If so have you never been in a conversation with another dude in your life who might talk about some awesome head he got? How tight a woman's vagina is? Graphic details about a woman's tits? 

This place can't be so isolated as to think this kind of talk isn't downright typical in quite a few circles. A guy might have no problem going into detail about a sexual experience, while being unwilling to actually talk about emotional intimacy.

Many, many men compartmentalize. So while I can see lots of dudes not talking specifically in detail about their sex lives with their wives (though I do contend more do it than you might imagine), there are plenty who have no problem offering up the details about sex with hook ups, ONSers, prostitutes, or even a regular girlfriend.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Do you think your level of sharing is related to the amount of respect you have for the girl?
> 
> Once you date one and feel like she is 'relationship' material and not just a booty call, will you be as willing to share the details.
> 
> The guy I know on Match.com shares about the ones that were easy. Last time I talked to him, he was very interested in one girl. She has not been 'easy', but they have a great time together. I have a feeling that if they get to be in more of a relationship, he won't be sharing any details about the sex.


I know this wasn't posed to me, but the "level of sharing" for me has nothing to do with respect.

It has everything to do with the closeness I feel to the person, and the level of openness they possess. 

I have a great sex life. A few of my best friends and I are extremely close. In those relationships I am comfortable talking about just about anything, sex just being one element. If I happen to be talking to one of them and I had some GREAT sex last night with the wife, I'll have no problem mentioning what we did. The same goes for them (they're all single) if they've been with somebody. Or sometimes it's not even about a specific sexual episode, but just questions in general about sex, sexuality, body, issues, concerns, whatever. I mean one of my best friends was experiencing some erection issues and we talked openly about that and I helped ease his mind about a few things. It's a freeness, and openness, a "bro-ness" that's awesome to have. The lack of boundaries with those guys is great; there is no such thing as TMI with these fellas. In fact those select best friends love hearing about how great our sex life is because it actually gives them hope. They all hear some pretty dreary stories about married sex life. 

Now with the majority of my other friends and even best friends I'd _never_ have that kind of convo. We don't have that kind of vibe. The majority of people I know I would never go into detail about my sex life with my wife. It just doesn't fit most of my relationships with those people. 

And my wife does the same with one of her best friends. They live on opposite coasts and most of their communication is via text. They tell each other _everything_; they're closer than many sisters. They always have, long before we got together. I knew this before we were married and it's not surprising. They share intimate details about their sex lives. My wife loves, loves our sex life and I'm happy she feels great enough about it to share with this friend. 

Yet the majority of people in my wife's life would be SHOCKED to know she can get into details like that with anybody. 99% of the people who know here don't see her in that light and would be floored if they did.

We're both sexually happy people who just so happen to be comfortable enough sharing some intimate details with a very select, tiny pool of people.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> But the discussion came up with a guy at my gym so I though I'd created this thread because from what I've heard lately it seems to be an immature phenomenon among guys of a certain age (raging from 20 to 30).


Do you enjoy such conversations with these guys in your life?

It seems they share things with you and you don't respect them for it. Why are you still conversing in this way and with these people? Maybe it's time to expand your social circle and maybe time for you to also interact differently. Unless you don't want to - which brings me back to the first question.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> I'm quite disappointed to be honest. Not about that fact that guy discuss intimate stuff,* but about the fact that they try to show off about it.*There are cases when the guy dates the girl and even though they haven't slept together, he shows off to his guy pretending he got her laid.


I was dating a boy when we were 15. I was a virgin. We parted ways and I discovered that he'd bragged to his buddies that he'd slept with me and been my first. I'd never met these buddies - we went to different schools, he was at an all boys private school. I scoffed and moved on. 

It's teenage stuff... and in my eyes, not that of the Men's Clubhouse on a marriage forum.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

lovelygirl said:


> I've been told by my several guy friends that almost all guys...




I cannot remember ever finding truth at the end of such statements.







> Do you have friends who do this with you?
> 
> 
> Do you men have intimate talk with your friends? How far does the discussion go?





Never. 



I would guess it varies from person to person. There are probably clusters of those who do and those who don't, spread across the world and generations.



If you are more comfortable spending time with one sort or the other, keep looking until you find them.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> I'm not saying women don't brag but not everytime the sex talk comes up...just like it usually happens between guys.


This is like a 'red scare' sort of comment. How do you know what 'usually' happens among guys in private, all male groupls? Some one guy told you? I checked this morning, and yep, I'm a guy and I can tell you that we don't 'usually' anything that you are talking about. A lot of other guys are saying the same thing.

Now, I know SPECIFIC guys who discuss such things. They are very open about what they tend to do. BUT...as other posters have stated, they talk about girls they are NOT serious about. ONS girls. And they are not the rule, they are the exception.

I do know couples who think that frank talk about their sexuality makes them 'cool' but USUALLY it makes the people around them a trifle uncomfortable. The phrase 'TMI' (too much information' was coined for a reason.

USUALLY if guys talk about sex, they tend to discuss whom they WANT to do. But that is pretty normal.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Do I discuss my sex life.

Well, duh, yeah.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Runs like Dog said:


> Oh dear lord no but it's funny to watch the women who yack day and night with their hen friends about just that act 'horrified' and outraged that someone *turned the tables* on them.


That was the title of the OP’s last thread, almost!

Lovelygirl, do you remember how everyone thought what your guy friend was claiming was far fetched? Your guy friends sound like either jerks or liars, or maybe both. Consider this article about why a guy wouldn’t call a girl back after a third date:

Why Dudes Often Vanish After a Great Third Date (In Their Words): Glamour.com

I bet you anything those guys she asked are a lot like your friends, and are putting on this bull**** show of ‘I can get all the *****es I want’ - a bit like in your last thread where they claimed they could just sit back and have women hurling themselves at them like in the Starstrukk video – to try and appear cool and masculine around their buddies.

The only male friend I talk about sex with, we’re talking about porn. Arguing about which porn stars are better (he likes them curvy, I like them skinny) and what they do. NEVER about what we do in real life.

Now, female friends, on the other hand… I talk or have talked to many of them about sex, and vice-versa: we want the other side’s perspective. I don’t see anything wrong with this, hearing little tips about what’s good or bad will make you a better lover, especially if you don’t have an exclusive relationship with anyone yet. My best friend (female) and I tell each other practically everything, graphic stuff!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

What about men who like to hook up with women then they call them all sorts of derogatory, disrespectful names in public ?

I've seen some of that kind of behavior around lately...

To me, men who do this are the lowest types.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

lovelygirl said:


> For me it would depend on the context.
> If "I got lucky" is said in a way to express appreciation about her then I'd have no issue.
> 
> If it's used to boast and raise the self-esteem...yeah I'd have an issue with that.
> ...


The comment would be about both. Appreciation with her and boasting with your buddies. 

Boasting with best buddies is different than boasting with friends. 

If you tell a friend that you got a raise at work, it is boasting. The friend may be envious of you. If you tell a best friend that you got a raise at work, you are sharing information. The best friend is happy for you.

Same thing with sex.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

jaquen said:


> I know this wasn't posed to me, but the "level of sharing" for me has nothing to do with respect.
> 
> It has everything to do with the closeness I feel to the person, and the level of openness they possess.
> 
> ...


I think it is a mixture of both. Respect for the other person and how close you are to your friends. 

Guys bragged about the girl in high school that slept with everyone all the time. Probably by guys that were lieing about it.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> Do you enjoy such conversations with these guys in your life?


What conversations exactly?
When they share private details or the fact that they share details with other guys? 



> It seems they share things with you and you don't respect them for it. Why are you still conversing in this way and with these people? Maybe it's time to expand your social circle and maybe time for you to also interact differently. Unless you don't want to - which brings me back to the first question.


I'm not saying they have shared specific details with me personally, but I've been told they share these details with other guys.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> What about men who like to hook up with women then they *call them all sorts of derogatory, disrespectful names in public* ?
> 
> I've seen some of that kind of behavior around lately...
> 
> To me, men who do this are the lowest types.


And you know what's the funniest irony??
Those men end up marrying those women. 

There have been plenty of cases like this .


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> I've been told by my several guy friends that almost all guys show off to their friends how they got laid


Yes some men will talk about the fact they got laid, in most cases it is not the graphic detail you mentioned. It is more likely just a comment about how he got lucky the night before. Unlike many TAM women more men are sex starved than women.

But I know women do some of the same things when they are talking alone. I have over heard ladies after a few glasses of wine talking about spouses, BF and FWB, one even openly talked about her affair.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I could probably gossip about my intimate life....



It would be a very short conversation.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

I can only think of two times in my life a guy friend told me about having sex with someone. One was only a part of a larger funny story. The other, my one friend had been effectively cut off from his wife for a loooong time. They separated and had green-lighted seeing other people, and he was talking about a night with, quite honestly, a ridiculously hot girl. I'd have bragged, too.

Personally, I've never told any stories in any detail, and can only think of - maybe - a handful of times I even said something to indicate to someone that I had sex in any given instance. But, I will admit that I'm generally kinda shy when it comes to that kind of conversation, so I may not be the average guy.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Jetranger said:


> Now, female friends, on the other hand… I talk or have talked to many of them about sex, and vice-versa: we want the other side’s perspective. I don’t see anything wrong with this, hearing little tips about what’s good or bad will make you a better lover, especially if you don’t have an exclusive relationship with anyone yet. My best friend (female) and I tell each other practically everything, graphic stuff!


Now that's something I would be very uncomfortable with doing with my female friends and my wife with her male friends.

Talking to my boys is one thing, but the women in my life about our sex life? Never going to happen ever. The only woman I ever did that with was my wife, back when she was my best friend, and you see how that turned out for us :rofl: !


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Now that's something I would be very uncomfortable with doing with my female friends and my wife with her male friends.
> 
> *Talking to my boys is one thing, but the women in my life about our sex life? Never going to happen ever. The only woman I ever did that with was my wife, back when she was my best friend, and you see how that turned out for us* :rofl: !


I can most definitely identify with this^^.

The only woman I discussed my love / sex life before marriage with was my wife. Back then we were close friends. I'd talk with my guy friends about sex, usual stuff, but with her I discussed relationships, sex and a whole lot of emotional stuff.

That went on for a couple years until we actually go together _and _got married.

That was one of the areas we bonded on, she was my confidante.
Interesting , I never really looked at it from this perspective.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> What conversations exactly?
> When they share private details or the fact that they share details with other guys?
> 
> I'm not saying they have shared specific details with me personally, but *I've been told they share these details with other guys*.


Those conversations.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> That was one of the areas we bonded on, she was my confidante.
> Interesting , I never really looked at it from this perspective.


Maybe it comes with being younger? I really honestly can't imagine talking to any of my male friends about that stuff for some reason, I think it might be connected to the bro code of never talking while you're standing at the urinals


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

When I think of a guy discussing his sex life with a woman (or vice-versa), I am thinking it is two people looking to hookup.

Telling some woman that my wife/girlfriend really liked a particular thing I did, would be like saying how about we try doing this particular thing.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Why do you assume many, even most, men equate intimacy with sex?
> 
> Are you a man? If so have you never been in a conversation with another dude in your life who might talk about some awesome head he got? How tight a woman's vagina is? Graphic details about a woman's tits?


I gotta say, I have a pretty negative perception of the few men I know who do this. I'm glad most I know keep their comments purposefully vague and positive.

I'd certainly think less of a woman who discussed intimate details about me. I had a run of ED during a particularly stressful period of time and discovered she had discussed it with a close friend of hers. It was someone I would see from time to time. Talk about humiliating. To this day I'm uncomfortable around that person because the thought creeps up that this chick thinks I can't get it up. Who else was told my personal business second hand? I wasn't gonna have that. I broke up mostly for other reasons, but that was definitely a contributor to my distancing myself from her and that whole circle.

I don't care what anyone says when its non-serious relationship - everyone blows crap like that off. But in a serious relationship, intimate business stays between us - especially negative details.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Jetranger said:


> Maybe it comes with being younger? I really honestly can't imagine talking to any of my male friends about that stuff for some reason, I think it might be connected to the bro code of never talking while you're standing at the urinals


What would age have to do with it?


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

jaquen said:


> What would age have to do with it?


Changes in society and culture? Opposite sex friends are much mroe common than they used to be, for one thing.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I could probably gossip about my intimate life....
> 
> 
> 
> It would be a very short conversation.


then just make somthin up and be graphic!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Jetranger said:


> Changes in society and culture? Opposite sex friends are much mroe common than they used to be, for one thing.


I'm in my 30s with tons of friends my age and younger; one of my best friends is 21.

Most of us have opposite sex friends, yes. 

But almost all the guys talk sex with the guys. "Bro code" doesn't exclude frank sexual talk, in in my experience actually often includes it.

That's why I found it odd that you said being "younger" somehow is a generational thing that makes talking to same sex friends about sex odd and a violation of the "bro code".


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

I'm in my mid-20's and I am constantly in the gym and to answer your question.. no, just no.

1) Guys in the locker room are not giving a play-by-play about who they just fu*ked. There is very little communication in there simply because men are (a) getting completely naked to change clothes; (b) checking themselves out in the mirror; or (c) minding their own business. Locker rooms smell and are not places to talk and socialize unless you have no problem looking a naked guy in the eye.

2) Most men do not give play-by-plays, period. It's a simple question: Did you fu*k? Yes. Was it good? Yes. Does she have friends? Every now and then, you throw in the 'Yeah it was good, she was super tight too.' And that is the worse it gets. There are some men who give play-by-plays all the time; however, these kind's of men give play-by-plays about everything. They talk more than women.

3) Yes, some guys do make this stuff up; however, everyone lies about something at one point or another. 

Honestly, it's pretty gay to listen to one of your buddies tell you a play-by-play unless of course, the girl was someone you had slept with already. But for the most part, we don't really care to here about 'what she did with his di(k or what he did with his di(k."

However, on the other hand. I am pretty sure my girl has given play-by-plays when I am not around. Hell, she does it right in front of me when she's drinking with her girlfriends. She's told me that one of her friends asked her how big I was, how do I get her off, etc etc. 

It is very easy to get laid today and most of your buddies are getting laid whether it's some girl they met online, at a bar, or they are dating or married too. So there is really no need to brag. 

Honestly, the only scenario's that guys would even think about bragging is if: (a) he lost his virginity at a later age (which is the exception); or (b) he slept with a girl who is wayyyyyy above his league. When you lose your virginity or sleep with a girl wayy out of your league, IMO, it is an accomplishment just like graduating college. There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself if you are a 5 and you somehow managed to fu*k Megan Fox's twin sister. 

It says a lot about you in the fact that you are actually being told by other guys about this 'common' behavior. Isn't there anything else to talk about between a man and a women rather than this?


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