# She's giving me a chance..



## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

In March I screwed up financially and my income dropped enormously. My Girlfriend and I were living together. I am very ashamed and embarrassed to say this, but I abandoned her, moved out and just left her to fend for herself. I helped some with her move, but I more or less walked away and did not do what I should of to help her out. I know, very bad and very stupid, I feel horrible. 

She is giving me another chance. She is very very hurt and doesn’t know if she will ever trust me again. She ended up moving to a new apartment and I am renting a room in a house about 10 miles away. We see each other often, and she even lets me spend the night here and there.

I have ideas, but what can I do to earn back her trust. She still loves me and says that.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I don't have much to say about your girlfriend. I will say as another Man, what you have done is the very opposite of being a man. Something is very wrong that you are even able to do this. I would set myself on fire before I would abandon my wife financially. You should feel the same way. You should spend the rest of your life trying to earn your man credit back, not for her but for yourself, she will just benefit from it. Your primary role in life is provider. I may sound like I am being harsh but I am being very nice to you in this post by the way.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Sokillme..... not too harsh, I deserve it. and I am committed to work the rest of my life to be a better man. I have 3 kids and an ex wife and never abandoned them nor fell short of my responsibilities. 

so what do I do to earn back her trust. She is an amazing woman to even give me a shot after what I did.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Have you owned up completely for what you did?

Trust is something, once broken, can take months and sometimes years to rebuild. Don't be surprised if she can't think of a future with you right now. It's going to take time for sure.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

yes I have owned up to it 100% and I have been careful not to point out her errors and just focus on mine.

I am helping her with her bills as best I can. Not pressuring her for us to move back in together. Doing stuff for her that she needs help with. '

I'm just looking for ideas


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Work hard to be the man you should be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Woo her. Sweep her off her feet.....all while being open and honest.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why did you behave the way you did? If you don't know why, she is right to not trust you. Personally, I wouldn't give you a second chance.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Texas Sunny... that's a really good idea
I have taken her lunch today and a day last week at her work
I took flowers to her work and left them BEFORE she arrived for the day
I do stuff for her, like handle pickups at post office, or complete something for her on the internet
I go over to her place and make her dinner
I have tried and tried to take her out, but she doesn't want to 
I did get her to go workout with me last week and then took her to the beach
I am taking her for a great hike this weekend
We will do our July 4th tradition of fireworks and dinner at Beach
I am sending E Cards to her 


Ideas Ideas Ideas please



I came up with this list as well 
-do not over talk you and interrupt! this is a big one
-take it slow, no pressure for marriage, move in, etc... 
-do not just beat her down till you break
-ask Raquel how you think I am doing, not go by my own assessment
-Make Raquel my number one priority, you come first above all people and activities
-Stop being so obsessed and compulsive about things.
-support you and take care of you and make sure you are not worried about your bills
-take care of stuff for her so she does not worry
-do not always have to be on the move, just hang out at home with Raquel
-work hard as hell at my job so we are afloat at all times
-pickup more responsibility for chores at our home
-Put the cellphone away, be present when I am with Raquel
-do not pressure all the time for sex, kisses, etc….
-listen to her, and take action when she tells me what she needs
-give her feelings higher importance, don’t just blow off stuff
-Be nice and kind and gentle
-let the past go, forgive you and move on
-Trust Raquel and not be so suspicious
-No yelling at all
-plan fun stuff for us
-Sell things of mine to raise $$ for bills
-Do not force Raquel to talk about stuff


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

loverguy said:


> Sokillme..... not too harsh, I deserve it. and I am committed to work the rest of my life to be a better man. I have 3 kids and an ex wife and never abandoned them nor fell short of my responsibilities.
> 
> so what do I do to earn back her trust. She is an amazing woman to even give me a shot after what I did.


OK you know what else you can do. Save some money so when money is tight you have something to fall back on. Part of it is strategic planning.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You screwed up. She is giving you a second chance. So, don't screw up again, in any way, ever. Most people don't get this sort of second chance, don't throw it away. Also - you owe her forgiveness for one screwup of her in the future.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

loverguy said:


> so what do I do to earn back her trust.


Do better.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

How about we revisit just what led you to make such poor choices.

Help me understand it.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK so Loverguy, while I agree with most of the comments and advice you have been given (in that what you did was wrong) I will go further and say this.


Not everyone responds to pressure in the same way - or even the same person may respond to pressure differently under different circumstances.

So you are supporting an existing family and then you take on another responsibility (your gf) and then your income drops and you break - you abandon your second responsibility while still maintaining your kids etc. I get it - I don't condone it but I do understand it.

As others have said you need to get better at some things and the first is to understand why you broke under pressure.

I suspect bad financial planning is at the heart of this. So thats where you need to start (I know because I too was [email protected] at it).

Second is to better yourself at dealing with problems (in general) under pressure. This will need counselling to get to know yourself.

Next is to work on your relationship with your gf. How much do you really love her if you could not put her on par with your ex-wife when it comes to support - now it may be that you support your ex because she is the mother of your kids and kids come first. But you abandoned your gf pretty quick. Could it be that she is not that important to you ? In which case it would be fair to her to just let her go.

So yes work on yourself by all means - pick yourself up, dust yourself down, don't dwell on the past and work on becoming a better man.

Take care


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I think you should not be supporting your girlfriend when you have an existing family. How old are you?
One of the key things any woman wants is security and I am not talking about financial security per se, its the knowledge that her man will always be there having her back, you showed her the opposite.

You should go slow from now on and not make any promises you know you cannot keep. Always ensure that your word is your bond. Honesty is another important issue for a woman.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

I know i saw something somewhere about a good book on meeting your SO needs. does anyone know what that book's title is?


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

Iheard of this book about meeting your SO's needs but cannot remember the title.. anyone know the book?


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe it's "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley. Good book but stay away from his website's forums.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

loverguy said:


> Texas Sunny... that's a really good idea
> I have taken her lunch today and a day last week at her work
> I took flowers to her work and left them BEFORE she arrived for the day
> I do stuff for her, like handle pickups at post office, or complete something for her on the internet
> ...


-make a budget.
-show her the budget.
-make sure there is a place in the budget for savings a rainy day.
-make sure you are thinking about your career, and being proactive about making money.
-make sure you tell her what your financial plans are and how they relate to her. 

You didn't fail in the romantic area of your relationship you failed in your provider role, you need to show her you can be a good provider moving forward. Cards and stuff won't do it, only actions will.

I very good book I read was The Millionaire Next Door, it's full of practical advice about how to spend your money wisely.


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## loverguy (Jun 27, 2016)

It's not going so great. We had a big fight last week and haven't seen each other in 7 days. She is still so hurt over it all. She mentioned today the missed wedding date. It was because of $$, but I could have planned better and there would have been enough for our simple wedding. 

I have recommended couples therapy but she won't do it. I just don't know what to do.


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