# Lost and confused



## cutephatchick30 (Apr 26, 2010)

ME AND THE HUSBAND HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR MORE THAN 5 YEARS. THE FIRST 3 YEARS WERE GOOD.UNTIL HE DISCOVERED THIS THING CALLED CREDIT CARDS. I WAS ALWAYS SCARED OF GETTING CREDIT CARDS BECAUSE OF ALL THE HORROR STORIES OF PEOPLE LOOSING EVERYTHING CAUSE OF IT. GOING INTO DEBT AND NOT BEING ABLE TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE CAUSE OF IT.I SHARED THIS CONCERN WITH MY HSBAND,BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WE COULDNT GET MUCH AHEAD IN LIFE WITHOUT IT,LIKE A HOUSE,NEW CARS ETC. MY HUSBAND GOT ADDICTED TO THE CARD. SO RIGHT NOW HES IN A LOT OF DEBT. OVER $30,000 IN DEBT.WE ARE NOT ABLE TO GO OUT.GO ON VACATION. BASICALLY WE CANT ENJOY OUR MARRIAGE. SO CAUSE OF THIS DEBT WE ARGUE CONSTANTLY ABOUT SEX, MONEY AND TIME.WE DONT HAVE SEX CAUSE HE HAS TO WORK 19 HOURS A DAY TO PAY HIS BILLS,SO HES TTOO TIRED. WE DONT HAVE TIME TO SPEND WITH EACH OTHER.SO WE ARGUE ARGUE ARGUE. PLUS HE HAS A RESPONSIBLITY TO TAKE CARE OF HIS DAUGHTER AND BROTHERS IN AFRICA. UNDERSTANDABLE. BUT HES GOING EVEN MORE BROKE TRYING TO GIVE THEM THE WORLD. WE HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR OUR HARD WORK. THE ARGUING HAS FORCED US TO SEPERATE. HE STILL HELPS ME WITH THE BILLS WHILE HE STAYS WITH HIS FRIEND. HE HAS NO DESIRE TO HAVE SEX WITH ME CAUSE OF THE STRESS.IS THAT NORMAL? I FEEL LIKE HE NEEDS TIME TO FIGURE THINGS OUT AND MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT IN HIS LIFE. HOW LONG DO I WAIT FOR HIM TO GET IT TOGETHER. WE TALK AND TEXT EACH OTHER ABOUT EVERY OTHER DAY CAUSE HES BUSY WORKING. BUT THERES NO TALK ABOUT I LOVE YOU OR I MISS YOU. IS IT TIME TO LET GO? WE HAVE BEEN SEPERATED FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS NOW. BUT WE BARELY SEE EACH OTHER.I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO CAUSE I DO MISS HIM AND DO LOVE HIM. I TELL HIM BUT HE DOESNT SAY IT BACK TO ME. DONT WANT TO GIVE UP ON MY MARRIAGE...


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## jmr3326 (Apr 26, 2010)

that sounds like the road i am trying to stop going down...I hear you, all you can do is work together to get the debt paid off, lack of interest in sex, or any intra-relatioship issues is understandable. I have similar problem with the wife owing too much in CC debt and paying for her families bday parties, I have put my foot down and stopped that...you may need to put your foot down and destroy all credit cards...this is a difficult problem with no ez solution, you must have a budget, even paying 1k per month off on the card will take you almost 3 years to pay it off, credit cards are terrible things...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sign up for Financial Peace University and tell him that you don't want to get back together right now, but you want him to attend this class one night a week (2 hours), for 10 weeks. It will teach you both how to get it all straight.


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## cutephatchick30 (Apr 26, 2010)

I have scissored every credit card he has. It does no good cause if we pay one month $200. Then the next month or 2 he doesnt,he ends up letting the interest pile up and its like we never paid anything. $200 down the toilet.thanx for the advice. Is it best thaat we stay seperated?


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## cutephatchick30 (Apr 26, 2010)

I will try turnera but my husband is prideful and stubborn. Hates the whole counselling and talking with other people about his problem.i feel he doesnt want my help anymore cause hes so stressed about everything. Thanx for the advice.appreciate it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's not counseling.

It's a 10-week class, held near you, and you watch videos about each week's subject and if you want, participate in the discussion afterward. You learn a lot from the videos and also from the other people's stories.


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## created4success (Apr 9, 2010)

turnera said:


> Sign up for Financial Peace University and tell him that you don't want to get back together right now, but you want him to attend this class one night a week (2 hours), for 10 weeks. It will teach you both how to get it all straight.


Again, FPU is a great program for establishing good money habits in marriage.

Unfortunately, finances are one of the leading causes of divorce.

If you need some help right away, I would do one of two things to put the financial problems behind you, so you can recover your relationship:

Check out consumer credit counseling to work out smaller payments on your bills.

OR

Contact a (REPUTABLE) debt settlement company that will settle your debts for pennies on the dollar.

Unfortunately, both will affect your credit. But, if you do something -- anything -- right away, perhaps you can start thinking about getting back together.


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