# How old is too old to date my Stepdaughter?



## borninapril

I'm trying to figure out the best way to explain this. My 16 year old stepdaughter (she'll be 17 at the end of Sept, and a Junior in HS this year) started working her first summer job this year and had met quite a few new people. So older and a lot about the same age. She had gone out with a group of her coworkers to movies and things and it was never a big deal (she's quite responsible, good grades, good kid, never had any problems with her at all). Her Father and Step Mother are a little too strict and my Wife isn't strict enough (IMO) due to an overly strict upbringing herself.
Anyway two weeks ago she starts talking about some boy she works with and it becomes a thing were they're going to go to the movies (which wife said was OK) then my SD wanted him to come over and hang out one day (wife was home and I was at work) and it wasn't a big deal. Turns out that this guy is 19. When questioned about it my SD was not very forth coming with answers to questions I had ( either she didn't know or would mumble a bit). So my wife gets a call from her ex telling us this guy is actually 20 and after meeting with him says it's OK to go out with him but she can't be alone with him. I'm not OK with this at all and told both of them this and they kind of down played it. So I dig a little and come up with this guys birthday as August 13 and he's going into his Junior year of College. Can't find a year for his birth and Step daughter doesn't know. So he's either 19 going on 20 (which is pushing it) or 20 going on 21 (which is way too old to be seeing a 16 year old girl. 
Anyone have any advice? I just don;t see why a guy/kid that is that old would want to date a 16 year old girl. While the only couple of reasons I can see her having is either guys her age are to immature or the fact that she can brag about her College aged boyfriend to other girls when she gets back to school. All in all I hate that my opinion does';t matter to anyone else in this matter. Sorry for my venting


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## MN_Mommy

I agree with you. Even 19 going on 20 is way too old for her, let alone 20 going on 21. She is still a little girl. He is an adult. Sorry, but that wouldn't fly in my house at all.


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## back2whoiwas

If the guy's lying about his age. Your SD, in my opinion should not be allowed to see this fellow! If he's lying about his age, what else is he being dishonest about? Your SD is blessed to have parents / SP who care about her. This fellow could be testing the waters to see if she'd be missed or something. Not to scare you; but seriously!!!


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## Mavash.

When I was 16 I dated a 21 year old. He always hung out with high school kids so maybe he was just immature. I really don't know. He never once tried to have sex with me nor did I offer.

When I was 19 I dated a 29 year old. By then it didn't matter because we were both adults.

In the end I married someone my own age. Go figure. Lol

My mother tried to stop me from dating the 21 year old but my dad left me alone. Wouldn't have mattered because I was going to see him regardless of what they said.


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## Thor

1 grade older max. I say this as a father of now college age daughters. My wife was allowed to run wild with boys 2 to 4 yrs older than her when she was 15 to 18. They were predators and controlling users of girls.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301

Let me give you some advice. The title of your thread need to be changed real fast. I read it and it sounds like your asking for advice on how to ask your step daughter out on a date. I was ready to call the cops and report you.

My opinion? 21 is adult. 16 is a minor. What does that say. If it was my daughter and a 20 or 21 year old came a knockin', well, have you guys ever seen or heard of the "Bums Rush"? That's would he would be getting and a told not to come back. As far as her, she would know that she's crossing the line with the old man and that could have some serious consequences and the conversation is over, period. As long as I put food on the table, a roof over her head and clothes on her back, my rules. She's playing with fire and too immature to understand it.

I have two daughters. Both are grown women now and I told them when they were teens, don't be in such a hurry to grow up. It's not all that it's cracked up to be. Enjoy your life as a kid because once it's gone, it's never coming back and when your an adult sitting at the table with a stack of bills in front of you wondering, do I eat good and don't pay them or pay the utilities so I have heat, light and hot water and eat those funky curly noodles that come in a bag. Then you'll remember how good it was to be a kid. It wasn't a bad life after all.


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## Shaggy

A 16 yr old is a kid, and in many (most) not of age of consent. No way anyone over +1 grade until she's graduated from high school, then after that add 1 yr of difference in age for every 3 yrs older she ages.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

I'd say two years is about it.

When she's 17 (end of Sept), and he's 19 that's fine. But that's it; that's the limit. This guy doesn't make the cut; he'll be at least 20 in August and she'll be 17 in Sept. That is TOO much difference. Throw in the fact that they're LYING to you, and that's the clincher for me.


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## EleGirl

I can tell you what I found worked to get rid of undesirable guys when my step daughter started to date about about this same age.

We invite the each of the guys over for dinner and to hang out. When he was over, we'd show him with attention.

The guys we did this were obviously had bad intentions.. that's why we chose to do this with them. You see this lets the guy know that we, the parents are watching and they are not going to get away with anything. Everyone of the guy we did this with was gone in no more than 2 weeks.

And the good part of it was that she can never tell us that we forbid her to see the guy.


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## Emerald

He's too old for her. She's a child & he's an adult.

Her parents don't seem to mind so not sure what you can do about it.


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## Samayouchan

If this dude can't tell the truth of his own age to your step daughter, then WHAT CAN he tell the truth about? 
Only thing I can stress is that if she is aware that he's possibly lying to her about just something as little as this, there's no telling WHAT he's lied to her about. She needs and deserves the truth from this chump. lol. Ditch this guy. FAST!
Age bracket is a bit much for 16 =(


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## hambone

He's too old. He knows too much!

BUT... here's the problem. It's hard to tell a girl that age that she can't do something. 

Some of them... my Step-daughter for instance... was going to kill her self if that was what it took to get her way...

She went over fools hill when she was 15 and didn't come back until she was about 25. 

A HUGE issue was the fact that her father was only interested in causing her mother problems. Never once did he have that child's best interest at heart...

I blame him for about 99% of the problems we had with her..


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## samyeagar

Sure, he's too old, and he lied. Not much your going to be able to do about it though. She's the one who is going to make that choice whether you like it or not.


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## turnera

The way I read it, your SD lied.


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## Mavash.

Lying is what kids do to get what they want. 

The 21 year old I dated I lied at first about his age because I knew my parents would be upset about it.


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