# Psychotic Emotions & Kids Are Involved



## Lion Heart on my sleeve (Jul 6, 2011)

Hello, Can't say i am glad to be here. Before I start it's necessary to ask that you be understanding and keep an open mind. I am not here for criticism.

I Married my wife of almost 8 years now knowing she had two "lives" One was a compassionate, strong, loving mother of three boys and the Other an "Exotic Dancer" (we are drug free and alcohol free btw) our relationship was accidental in that she never planned on falling in love with me and i never planned on staying. As i got to know the real person, the other person, ...I fell in love. As expected she was a mess having three boys who's dads were deadbeats and not in her life. I , being naive and young, thought i could "fill" a role. Mistake #2. We got pregnant and i proposed at the hospital after being together 5 months. Things moved way fast and while she was pregnant I had an awesome sales job. but i never got to spend quality time as she was pregnant during the first 6month Spark injected, Passion filled, cant separate from the hip romance. So....I went straight to being a family man it seems almost immediately. no Courting. And as expected it strained our relationship, she found comfort with another man. Doesn't matter if they had sex but anyway we were going to separate shortly after my daughters birth. things changed we started spending time together again but i had a breakdown and got fired from my job because all i could do from this point is worry about what she was doing who she is talking to, ect, ect...well in a nut shell good times happened then all the sudden we started fighting all the time. Then the cheating started. Mind you at this point She's a dancer at a club that makes alot of money and I am working from home so i can take care of house and kids and make a little extra. wasn't good enough. I was a horrible house maid and the boys didn't want to listen to me because i wasn't their dad and the "if mommy can tell him off why cant we" attitude. It was falling apart almost every 2 years from this point on. it was like clockwork. Cheat separate or separate cheat then she would come back.
MIND you I LOVE this woman, and fell in and out of love and that doesn't give her excuse. Telling me one minute "we were never meant to be", "I hate your guts", "this was a mistake" TO "I Love you so much", "I Don't know what i would do without you, I need you", Everything happens for a reason. we were supposed to be together to teach each other", "White Picket yadda yadda.... you get the idea. So now we have a big family 2 and a half years have passed she has gone professional "Feature Entertainer" and I was working from home. We have ups and downs talk , communicate i help her with everything about her business and we are together all the time...no dates or personal time but together. Problem was we kept fighting, she would throw the divorce word out...felt like it was getting worked out afterwards and several times she would say "I Feel like our bond is stronger" "This Is where i want to be" "We are gonna be together on a porch in rocking chairs with the grand kids running around us" that kind of ****.
I Got a phone call from old friends to help them with a business because of her knowledge and for the last year Her and I have ran a very profitable bar with ownership rights...until very recently June 7th to be exact we separated because she says we weren't meant to be and she has to do for her now...she starts telling me i dont ever do anything for myself to get a job. we are making good money with this bar mind you I run it and she is like an MC with ownership rights and she tells me she has fallen for a kid that we hired to help us while i go to "cool off" and visit my mother and sister out of town... We are 33 he is 20. And it happens to be a kid i took in a let sleep on the back couch until his apartment was ready...it never got ready he is living in our house around my kids, I am doing everything in my power not to get put in jail, and i am feeling so crazy i have been denying time with my kids to avoid emotional outbursts...14, 11, 8 are the boys and 6 is my daughter. Now not a day (30 to be exact) has passed where i don't feel like killing, crying, throwing up, dying or just sitting and staring with no sleep or food. I haven't came out of my hotel room but 2-3 times a week to force my self to get water. Today I have cried, stared, smoked too much and now i am pissed and hurting trying to find a reason why? I made the mistake of pleading and trying to talk about it at first then it became rage when my daughter would tell me about the new guy on the phone. I have seen my kid/s depending on who you ask about 5 times in the month now. I feel like losing my mind! And to top it off I have to rely on her to give me money because our bank account is dry and the bar is her baby so she keeps all the cash. There are alot of details that I left out that aren't real important but as i sit a write this i am pissed later I'll be depressed and probably cry. I still feel love...alot of love and almost pity or feel sorry because she has a bipolar adhd problem and wont medicate it on top of being hyper hormonal from endometriosis (all diagnosed) I start working in a week and had to put off my career to try to get on my feet. Problem is I vowed to her she would be the one and only mother to my children, the one and only wife i took and i meant it still to this day...I cannot get closure, understanding, reasons...anything. I feel hopeless. Just the thought of another man taking my spot enrages me and seems like now every conversation ends up bad because he gets brought up. We worked too hard and built too much just to give up and let it crumble...especially after she says we are getting to the next level in our relationship and we are unbreakable...what the hell is wrong with these women!!! well... I have probably rambled incoherent babble enough so thanks, bright white forum screen, for keeping my mind on typing and not on dying.

And of course all the good parts are left out because that isnt the focus i have right now unfortunately...but there were alot of really good times. That's part of what made me fall in love, how good we could be...


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Wow. That was quite a story Lion Heart. 
I am so sorry you are feeling so terrible right now. 

The symptoms you described- killing, crying, throwing up, dying, sitting and staring, not eating, not going out- most of us have felt all of these! You might think you are the only one going through this much pain and turmoil, but believe me you are NOT alone. 

I have. I'm still going through it, and some days I am still in hell.

Just know that you are not alone. Keep posting on here as well as reading what others have been through because it will/can help you through a tremendous amount of pain. Pain that you think right now will overcome you. This forum has had a serious effect on my wanting to actually survive this unbearable situation that we have all been put in. Stay on here and we can support you through this.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Yes, that is a lot to digest. I'm very sorry as well. You are going to have to find a way to take care of yourself, that's priority #1. I don't think you are right now. Like caughtdreaming said, we've all been there, trust me. I had to seriously concentrate in order to sit up, answer the phone or turn the TV on or off.


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## Lion Heart on my sleeve (Jul 6, 2011)

Appreciate the kind words. Is it being selfish of me not to want to have anything to do with my family to avoid the rages I get thinking about the other guy every time my kids want to tell me about the fun they had? They are so young and have no idea what its doing to me...after my stbx had them dropped them at my hotel and they started conversing he came up and it is thrown in my face that he is the one spending majority of family time with them. Stbx threw it in my face when I called her on it and how messed up it is to be having him around the kids...started in on the defend her actions and her new toy by telling me how much better he is at everything...including sex and how she loves him and I should just get over it...and that I only need to worry about my daughter because the boys weren't mine...I raised them! I know I screwed up by calling but what the hell? I just want to disappear but I know it will affect the kids...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

lionheart: Can you get into individual therapy? It will start helping you separate and begin to care for yourself.

I went through stages in this divorce (it will finalize on the 19th of this month). First, was denial: I couldn't believe this had happened over something so small. Second: all I could do was hope that he would reconcile. Third: depression and he was the only thing on my mind. Fourth: feeling the pain, getting help, getting a support group. Fifth: planning on my life without him. Sixth: still the pain but not as horrific; fear of the unknoown but determined to do whatever it takes to get my life back. Oh and anger.

I wish you the best. You seem to have a lot on your plate. But we all do believe it or not. I have no job, UI will be lapsing, I have mortgage and expense responsibilities, house not selling and an in-house separation.

Yes it's not pretty but we are the only ones that can change. Take the plunge of change. From all of the reading I have done about people coming out on the other side: the rewards were great.

A hug to you and to all of us. We need to walk through the fear to recover our identies.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

whoops "identies" (sounds like teeth). I meant identities. Still doesn't look right.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Ahh, nope. I don't think that is being unreasonably selfish. At the same time I don't think you want to miss out on seeing the kids just because W suddenly became insane. Don't let her define your relationship with the kids, you might miss out on some really great stuff.

I say insane because of having OM around them at this point. That is...wow I wouldn't know how to put that into words. 
The three boys may not be yours but your daughter is, if you don't want OM around your daughter then set some ground rules asap. Im not sure what you could do about the boys, you are still married, you did raise them, OM and all this craziness is not good for their emotional and mental well being. This could seriously damage them in the long run. 

Sparkles is right Individual Counseling would be a good idea. I should take my own advice. I'm not sure what your W is thinking? Is she just getting him to be a free babysitter while she is working? I dunno, maybe someone else can chime in on this one because I think that is screwed up. 

Why are you at a hotel and OM & W are living in the house? Is it her house or is it your house...? 
Are the divorce proceedings moving along? Has anyone filed? 
If she files for divorce and you're living in a hotel she can claim that you left the marital home and other garbage like that. 

I know you don't feel like handling the legalities of the situation or caring about yourself at the moment, but you have to protect the kids and yourself!


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## Lion Heart on my sleeve (Jul 6, 2011)

so just to clarify some things I moved out of the house because that's where the kids are staying. we both agreed that in my emotional state at that time I couldn't handle being in the house with the kids and her moving to the hotel... I was feeling pretty psychotic and confused... if I go back there and tell her to leave it would cause us to lose this house because she would run, it has always been how she is dealt with things. this house turns out to be a really good deal for this area for the kids to live in. I have a lawyer and stbx says that paperwork is being filed... I check to make sure that I wouldn't get into any trouble for not staying in the marital home and so far no 1 had anything negative to say about it. OM is an employee of ours at our bar. I start work monday but unfortunately I will be the working all day, 12 to 14 hours every week until I can't take it anymore. and with no home and no paycheck yet I can't keep my daughter with me... more specifically I can't keep her from her brothers. they are that close... I have tried to take time to carefully consider all of my options... and it seems like no matter what path I choose everybody's going to get messed up in the end anyways. I just feel bad for my kids I was raised in a broken home and she was raised in a broken home, we vowed never to do that to our kids...

to make matters even worse she had a psychological breakdown yesterday... called me saying how she wish none of this has never happened I miss you want everything to be back to normal except for us being married, she have a lot of kind words to exchange, then she called me back yelling that our son told her boyfriend that he didn't have to listen to him because he was not his dad... said she was going to send all the kids away leave her boyfriend and disappear... then later on blame me for everything that she is going through and how this is all my fault including making her feel like that marriage was worth saving. then after all is said and done later that night she text me she couldn't believe that she let me get to her. so now I guess she is back in her happy place with her boyfriend and her kids... this all seems like some nitemare I'm supposed to wake up from soon... Man I just want to sleep for a week. hopeless feeling of failure is crushing me right now. Wished I could just shake it off and"man up" like everyone says..it's not that easy though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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