# What do you miss the most?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just curious really, what do you miss the most since seperation/divorce?

Me... I miss having a warm body to cuddle every night. Although a part of me is happy it's gone, no more dead arms or waking up with half my body dead. Let alone my wife waking me up by pulling the blankets off.

Meh, thinking of finding a lady friend to sleep with, but I'm not interested in sex at the moment, which is going to make it difficult to establish FWB arrangements without the sex.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Get a cat or dog. No aggrivation and they love you no matter what. I missed having my WH in bed for about 2 weeks. Then me & the dog started sleeping in the middle of the bed & now we spread out & take up the whole bed. LOL!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I have a cat, but he mostly only comes to wake me up in the mornings or to annoy me for food. Very cheeky this one, likes to play hide and seek.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

My cat used to be pretty good when it came to sleeping. In her later years (she lived to be 20) she'd wake me up when she had a hairball. God bless her! But seriously she was good she'd cuddle up on H's head or under the blankets with me. Now I have the dog. When H was still living at home I'd spend most nights hanging off the bed - now I have the whole bed.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i miss.........well..................umm...............maybe.............there was.......................well nothing i miss about my XW


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

I miss waiting on her and the fun we used to have before we both lost our minds.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> *Get a cat or dog*. No aggrivation *and they love you no matter what*. I missed having my WH in bed for about 2 weeks. Then me & the dog started sleeping in the middle of the bed & now we spread out & take up the whole bed. LOL!


Amen SS. Just having a buddy who's always happy to see you, who loves you no matter what, who needs you to take her of him/her is soooooo helpful when going through this. I'm a dog person so I got an old english mastiff shortly after my divorce.

People don't get it though because I've mentioned how wonderfully a pet help when going through hard times on a bunch of threads and there's just been no response, no likes, no comments, etc. Just because pet's aren't human doesn't mean our attachments to them aren't human (no I'm not thinking creepy stuff). Point is, my doggy was a safe friend and he loved me no matter what and that's what we need when feeling broken.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

They provide what is missing in this world.

Unconditional Love.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

This is true. Mine is an English bulldog/boxer mix. Shes like one of my children . ( shes spoiled  ) whenever she sees me upset or having one of my "meltdowns" shes right there.


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

I have a little Shih Tzu/Maltese doggy. He was ours, once.

He knew when I had my meltdowns and could not move or get up off the floor.

He was there with me. He was concerned. 

They know and they feel your pain.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

I don't miss much anymore. I have two dogs and the younger one has taken to jumping on the bed, previously no way ever would I have a dog on the bed, now I'm meh, and tbh it's nice to have a furry body near me and she doesn't hog the duvet either or get grumpy if I take more than my allotted four inches LOL me and the dog, we take up the whole bed, with enough room for a cat or two at the foot.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I felt terrible for her right after H left. She just sat for 5 days by the door waiting for him to come home. I guess she went through the same thing we all went through when he left.


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## brianr1971 (Nov 21, 2012)

i have been ask myself that ? what do i miss i say i still love her but can't say one thing that i miss and that is the hard part to understand


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I missed a lot in the beginning but now its less & less. I get upset now because of the uncertainty of the future and the fact that he could just walk out the way he did & went right to OW house


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I sleep with a Great Dane...a little poodle and a cat. 

Ha! Dam Great Dane has worse restless leg syndrome than he did...and he has FOUR legs! Poodle snores...and the cat stretches out over everybody. 

What do I miss about him? I work very very hard not to miss anything. 

This is about me progressing...not dwelling...so I try not too.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

...looking back....when I do....the bad really did far outweigh the good...I don't remember much 'good' anymore like I once did and today...

I miss nothing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My cat thinks he's so smart, when I look for him he hides, when I ignore him he comes. Bah! I love having him chase me around the house for food in response though 

*sighs* I still miss having a wife, I could have just given in and things would have been back to normal... hmmm, wait, actually no it would have become worse. Bah! Oh well


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

RD - that's cats for you! LoL! They wrap you around their little finger ( paw  ) My cat passed away 3 days before my dog way born - I swear sometimes the way she acts - I think Kitty is in there somewhere


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Everything. I miss everything. Even the annoying things. 

This thread is masochistic.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

This thread snapped me out of my yucky mood yesterday. Thank you everyone! 
I like that I woke up this morning and there were new posts. My kids thank you because I had a smile on my face this morning for a change.
Staystrong - its okay to miss things about x spouses but we cant let it consume us. We need to pick ourselves up and look forward.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stella - I love your signature line! So true!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

What I miss is the unspoken communication. The things you just know....by just a glance. Takes a number of years to establish this. Divorced six weeks here.....you never fully get over fifteen years, you just learn to cope.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I was married almost 25 so I know what your saying. I think that bothered me the most in the beginning - losing the communication- but I'm moving away from that now. He left - he didn't want to be my friend anymore - his loss.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Friends do not divorce friends


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

It's hard to say what I miss _most_ as there are so many things. But...I guess those easy, comfortable times that we spent together, whether out places or at home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

What do I miss? I miss the warm body in bed laying snuggled up tightly against me on the cold morning. I miss laying awake and just watching her sleep, often to see her slowly awaken and catch a glimmer of her awaking big brown eyes, when she looks up at me, smiles, then raises up to gently kiss me.

I miss bringing her her morning tea which I took great pleasure in fixing to perfection, as she so loved it.

And I greatly miss having her quietly come up from behind me while I was working at my desk and have her gently kiss my neck and make her presence known.

Those are the things that I really miss, but will mostly likely never live long enough to ever see them again!

Not from her anyway!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

That's right. They don't. In my case they shouldn't cheat and lie to them either. It was such a blow when he up & left - then dumped the fact that he had someone else & it had been going on for a while ( he got it all out in one breath) I was crushed - he hid it well.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I genuinely don't miss anything now. Yes it would be nice to wake up snuggled next to a warm body but then I remember that the warm body was attached to a muthaf*cka and any pangs of wistfulness just melt away


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## lost hunter (Dec 13, 2012)

I miss the old her, the one that was happy to be my wife. The one that would smile just looking at me. Now when I see her, she looks at me like she doesn't know me anymore. That is the hardest part of this whole thing, is that she acts like the past 14 years did not happen.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Sometimes I miss nothing. They tend to be the good days.

Some times I miss the good things, the feeling of cuddling on the couch or linking arms as we walked, but so many of the good things stopped before we split. 

Other days I miss every damn thing, even the bad things.

"And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time"

Those days suck so i am working on having less of them.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> Get a cat or dog. No aggrivation and they love you no matter what. I missed having my WH in bed for about 2 weeks. Then me & the dog started sleeping in the middle of the bed & now we spread out & take up the whole bed. LOL!


I felt lonely at night sleeping in a big bed by myself...Thats when my big fat tiger cat began sleeping next to me, with his head on the other pillow..

Now his oldest brother tries to copy him...So I wake up now with a pure black PITA pinned to my side, a very dapper looking older PITA wearing a tuxedo staring me in the face from one side, and a blob of orange on the pillow next to me...

That is till I wake up..Then its..


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

LoL! I love it. Cats are funny!


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

When you have a cat, you live WITH the cat...You don't own it, you don't order it around...it...owns...YOU!!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

I initially missed being in a partnership and the illusion, the perception of who I had made her in my mind, of who I had made us in my mind. It really didn't take long for me to understand intellectually that I never had what I thought and she was never the person I painted so the loss was short lived. 

I divorced my ex in 1994 and I've been happily remarried for many years but it's not hard to remember.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I agree Thundarr- its an illusion - I know my WH & I had good times but it definatly wasn't a storybook life. When he first left all I remembered were good times but as time is passing the reality is setting in


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Geek - that is so true!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

LostHunter-Truth told.....she either lied the whole time about how she felt or....is truly lost herself. Never know what one has, until it is gone. I fought with my father tooth and nail...then he passed away. I was 24. Yeah I'd love to hear him chew me out a few times this week.

SmallSteps-I think Julia Roberts said this-"Women can fake an orga$m but men can fake an entire relationship."

Thundarr-Sometimes we dance to remember, sometimes we dance to forget.


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## lost hunter (Dec 13, 2012)

Chuck71.....I think after the miscarriage she suffered, she lost herself. It was someone flipped a switch.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

LH-My heart goes out to the both of you. I will never attempt to try and frame a person's emotion from such a travesty. The father hurts indeed but yes, the mother blames herself and internalizes. Right thing.....no. Human nature.....absolutely. God be with you


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## greeneyedlily (Nov 10, 2012)

I just miss someone to come home to, though I do not miss the bad stuff. It is also hard to sleep alone, I love sex and it has been a long time now bout six years.. That's by my choice, I have morals now where I did not before, but it is lonely.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

I miss the companionship, the intimacy, and the way his sense of humor made me laugh every day before things fell apart.


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## BetrayedNoMore (Mar 13, 2013)

I would have to say the company, but look it back there is not much else. Once I fix myself, I will find some new company with better assets!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

lost hunter said:


> Chuck71.....I think after the miscarriage she suffered, she lost herself. It was someone flipped a switch.


I had 2 miscarriages a few years back. Its the worst imagianable pain I had gone through ( until now) it did change me in some ways. I blamed myself because my body had failed me after having 3 normal pregnancies. At the time I blamed my H because I had wanted to try to have a 4th child a few years earlier - before I turned 35 but he kept saying no. Its a very devistating thing to go through. I'm sorry.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

I also miss the very small things, like how she always had to reheat her tea 5 times before she could finish drinking it. When I was with her a few weeks ago and she made the my-tea-is-cold-again noise of disgust, I found myself tearing up and almost cried outright.


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## Pops001 (Feb 10, 2013)

I miss the my dogs greeting me at the door when I came home, they're with her now and better off than with me. She doesn't work and she's out in the country with family. I miss those mutts a lot more than I could ever miss her


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah, the little things can be hard to let go, I miss her blonde moments, her shocking cooking, dancing together and having someone to take out somewhere.

But yeah, the bad things... if only her brain wasn't so warped about sex and her own personal security she would have been almost perfect, but alas, it's something she has to deal with herself.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

shocking cooking....LOL!


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

greeneyedlily said:


> I just miss someone to come home to, though I do not miss the bad stuff. It is also hard to sleep alone, I love sex and it has been a long time now bout six years.. That's by my choice, I have morals now where I did not before, but it is lonely.


I'm not sure how this is going to sound.. But an old buddy of mine moved in a few months ago..

...Best relationship I've ever had......We cook, we clean..we geek out...


....Too bad he's not my type cause this could work!:rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Oh yeah, she even thought she was good at it! Hell! At least she was "creative" though (pffft)... sucks that I was her guinea pig for her alien recipes for the last 7 years.

Actually come to think of it, maybe it's not something to miss!


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Oh yeah, she even thought she was good at it! Hell! At least she was "creative" though (pffft)... sucks that I was her guinea pig for her alien recipes for the last 7 years.
> 
> Actually come to think of it, maybe it's not something to miss!


Hey - your still alive that's all that counts.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Ok so tonighr after I took the dog out and I was locking up for the night I got a sinking feeling because I know he isnt coming home anymore. I get these fleeting feelings once and a while but I need to make them go away because he walked away - not me.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I miss physical contact. Yes, I do miss sex, but I moreso miss being hugged and sinking myself into a man's chest, and snuggling on the couch.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Coffee-Very well written. My parents were always married (well married, divorced, remarried). There were tough times but they made it through. Fighting for it was automatic. Me...well in today's whacked out world, I guess fifteen years was not too bad. But I felt like a failure. After I regained my senses, I did not fail her, she failed me. She walked away without a fight. Fitting she is reaching not too long after divorce but.....my trust is gone. If I can not trust you, there is no way I could love you.


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## lost hunter (Dec 13, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> I had 2 miscarriages a few years back. Its the worst imagianable pain I had gone through ( until now) it did change me in some ways. I blamed myself because my body had failed me after having 3 normal pregnancies. At the time I blamed my H because I had wanted to try to have a 4th child a few years earlier - before I turned 35 but he kept saying no. Its a very devistating thing to go through. I'm sorry.


Smallsteps.....It was very rough on both of us. We had tried for eight years to have a child, and the closest we ever came was a miscarriage. I do not know if she blames me or herself, all I do know is that she changed. She gave me the I love you I'm not in love with you speech. I know I was not a perfect husband, but I was the best I could be. So, I told her if its over get the paperwork done. I'm not waiting around for her to see if the grass is greener. Paperwork is in the lawyer's hands, so soon she will get what she wanted.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

LH-That's really the only thing you can do. I was not going to wait around for mine either. She said she wanted us to remain married but do our own thing. I refused and when she would not fight for it, I dropped the D. I have not seen her but a handful of times since first of the year. There is life after D. I made it clear I wanted it to work, sounds like you did too. This is just a guess but she is probably blaming herself and if it makes you feel any better, that internalized emotion will be there no matter whom she meets.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

LH - you did what you had to. I don't know your age or what was involved in the 8 years but I'm sure you both did what you could to optimize your chances. It does take its toll. I saw the same thing happen to a teacher in my sons school. It was common knowledge that she was having problems getting pregnant. Then after one summer she came in & was so thin. We found out her husband had left her. It was so sad because she is such a great lady.In our case I had the paperwork to start the testing to find out what was going on. H didn't want to go and then I figured I should just be grateful for what I already had.


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