# Curious



## Pleasantly (10 mo ago)

I found out 2 years ago my ex cheated on me with multiple women. Recently he cheated on his current gf as well. I'm curious as to why do some men cheat. Is it something within himself that he is unhappy about?
I still care about him. I know our relationship is over but I still care about him.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

There is no one answer to that question. Men (and women) cheat for a variety reasons. All of those reasons are on them though, not their partner. They may try to blame their partner, but at the end of the day they didn't have to cheat. 

Unless the cheater fixes whatever is broken with themselves, "once a cheater, always a cheater" often applies.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Were you married or just shacking up?


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Sometimes serial cheating is a sign of mental illness. But there are also some people who just struggle with being faithful even in a solid relationship.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lack of character, integrity and moral values.
Remember women cheat just as much.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

all men are sexually attracted to hot looking women, or kinky acting women.

but most men can not bring themselves to cheat. they might look. might even flirt. but they run for the hills if anything looks like it might happen.

other men, they do not have that reasoning part of the brain that stops them from cheating. the sexual urge makes them pursue the woman, perhaps first with the flirting, then an EA, then actively trying to seduce her, then doing the act. anywhere along there, his brain SHOULD be over-riding him thinking with the small head. but it does not. Maybe it is genetic?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Pleasantly said:


> I'm curious as to why do some men cheat.


because we all (men & women) are **** sapiens, one single species. As a species, WE ARE NOT MONOGAMOUS, that's wishful (naive idealization) thinking, regardless of what anyone might think otherwise. It's a drive that we all have, at what degree? that's an individual thing. What we actually have is a social development for the species, where we have created a contract (with constraints) to mutual benefit as part of being humans for the betterment of child rearing and assurance of progeny belonging to that man and woman only. That some do restrain themselves, some don't, it's part of our individual make up. It's part of nature genetic drive for diversification. If we humans were by nature monogamous we wouldn't be here talking about the issue, because it wouldn't exist. Period.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Since when the word H*OMO is a bad word for it to be flagged and erased? have we lost our mind?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> all men are sexually attracted to hot looking women, or kinky acting women.
> 
> but most men can not bring themselves to cheat. they might look. might even flirt. but they run for the hills if anything looks like it might happen.
> 
> other men, they do not have that reasoning part of the brain that stops them from cheating. the sexual urge makes them pursue the woman, perhaps first with the flirting, then an EA, then actively trying to seduce her, then doing the act. anywhere along there, his brain SHOULD be over-riding him thinking with the small head. but it does not. Maybe it is genetic?


Lack of self control. I doubt its genetic.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I doubt cheating is genetic, however we learn a lot from our parents. The apple often doesn't fall far from the tree...


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

bobert said:


> I doubt cheating is genetic, however we learn a lot from our parents. The apple often doesn't fall far from the tree...


In my opinion that's a ridiculous assumption.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Rob_1 said:


> In my opinion that's a ridiculous assumption.


I think he may be correct. Learned behavior


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

How about genetic predisposition modified by upbringing, societal norms, and environment. Sometimes the evil base nature wins. Sometimes not. Every time surrender to base nature, becomes easier and more normalized. If society says “if it feels good do it”, that helps normalize cheating.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Numb26 said:


> I think he may be correct. Learned behavior


If it were a learned behavior, where do you account for the marriages, families where it doesn't happens.
Infidelity, for the most part in a lot relationships is a hush, hush thing for children. They don't know it.

Moreover, from a human societal pressure point, it happens because must societies have gone one man one woman, type of arrangement; men not able to support more than one woman. 
If you were to study social anthropology, you would learn that Mankind has been cheating from day one, not in the last centuries. It is part of what we are as humans.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

bobert said:


> I doubt cheating is genetic, however we learn a lot from our parents. The apple often doesn't fall far from the tree...


might be so.
you see a lot of kids today with zero self control, they are running around restaurants screaming at the top of their lungs, as their parents are oblivious.

i bet those kids end up cheating....no self control at all, as they were never taught it.

but that would suggest that people with high self control would not cheat. is that true?
does a musician, who practices their instrument for hours a day, and obviously has that self control--never cheat?
does a weight lifter, who watches their diet religiously and hits the gym every day, obviously showing self control--do they ever cheat?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> might be so.
> you see a lot of kids today with zero self control, they are running around restaurants screaming at the top of their lungs, as their parents are oblivious.
> 
> i bet those kids end up cheating....no self control at all, as they were never taught it.
> ...


I don't think it is caused by kids having no self-control aka, no parenting. I think it's more what example the parents gave the kids growing up. We often learn what to accept and how to act from our parents, and "do as I say, not as I do" doesn't work too well.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> might be so.
> you see a lot of kids today with zero self control, they are running around restaurants screaming at the top of their lungs, as their parents are oblivious.
> 
> i bet those kids end up cheating....no self control at all, as they were never taught it.
> ...


I guess that it depends on what we value. If we value marriage and faithfulness then we will use self control to stop ourselves from cheating.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> How about genetic predisposition modified by upbringing, societal norms, and environment. Sometimes the evil base nature wins. Sometimes not. Every time surrender to base nature, becomes easier and more normalized. If society says “if it feels good do it”, that helps normalize cheating.


Yes to a point, but doesn't our upbringing and what we see sometimes make us want to live differently? For example my grandfather cheated, my dad cheated, but neither I or my brother have or would cheat. 
I so agree about society today though. It's all about selfishness, putting ourselves first, not taking responsibility for our actions, blaming everyone else.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Pleasantly said:


> I found out 2 years ago my ex cheated on me with multiple women. Recently he cheated on his current gf as well. I'm curious as to why do some men cheat. Is it something within himself that he is unhappy about?
> I still care about him. I know our relationship is over but I still care about him.


For the most part, men cheat and have zero emotional connection to the woman so they feel they aren't really doing anything wrong. It's purely physical, not much different than a massage, but just with different parts being massaged.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I just can't understand the refusal of men to accept things as they are not as we wish it to be. Mostly because we as human have become h*omocentric (I have to put an asterisk due to site censorship). It appears that the word h*omo (which means man), is a censored word. You can't say **** sapiens, **** neanderthalensis, homosexual, **** erectus, homocentric,etc. We are a cancel culture anymore. 

Anyway, go back to the oldest known primitive societies since the beginning of mankind, specially since the advent of agriculture (wealth) for men, some 7-11?,12? thousand years ago. You will see a well defined pattern of man trying by any societal means to stop cheating (specially/mostly from women to ensure men progeny as theirs), and to ensure that the alliances endured within the families, clans, etc. It always been there. This is not some societal predispositions, environmental learned behavior. It is emphatically a well define pattern within primates, and other beings. not some learned behavior which it will make you cheat. We cheat whether we saw it (learned it) or not. 

To cheat or not to cheat is a conscious decision that we make everyday as life goes on within a relationship against our moral principles,societal dictates, vows we made, etc . You might be married for 40 years and one day after the 40th, you cheat. Plain and simple.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> I just can't understand the refusal of men to accept things as they are not as we wish it to be. Mostly because we as human have become h*omocentric (I have to put an asterisk due to site censorship). It appears that the word h*omo (which means man), is a censored word. You can't say *** sapiens, *** neanderthalensis, homosexual, **** erectus, homocentric,etc. We are a cancel culture anymore.
> 
> Anyway, go back to the oldest known primitive societies since the beginning of mankind, specially since the advent of agriculture (wealth) for men, some 7-11?,12? thousand years ago. You will see a well defined pattern of man trying by any societal means to stop cheating (specially/mostly from women to ensure men progeny as theirs), and to ensure that the alliances endured within the families, clans, etc. It always been there. This is not some societal predispositions, environmental learned behavior. It is emphatically a well define pattern within primates, and other beings. not some learned behavior which it will make you cheat. We cheat whether we saw it (learned it) or not.
> 
> To cheat or not to cheat is a conscious decision that we make everyday as life goes on within a relationship against our moral principles,societal dictates, vows we made, etc . You might be married for 40 years and one day after the 40th, you cheat. Plain and simple.


I can't agree that it's a natural thing in us all that predisposes us to want to have more partners. So many men are more than happy with their one wife. I believe that we are created to be in monogamous relationships but that our weakness and sin nature means that many will cheat.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Pleasantly said:


> I found out 2 years ago my ex cheated on me with multiple women. Recently he cheated on his current gf as well. I'm curious as to why do some men cheat. Is it something within himself that he is unhappy about?
> I still care about him. I know our relationship is over but I still care about him.


The main reason they cheat is that they don't appreciate what they do have sufficiently to not cheat. 
He's not sufficiently invested in you to protect you from harm.


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## Pleasantly (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> The main reason they cheat is that they don't appreciate what they do have sufficiently to not cheat.
> He's not sufficiently invested in you to protect you from harm.


This may be true but he cheats on his current gf as well.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Pleasantly said:


> This may be true but he cheats on his current gf as well.


He doesn't care about her either. 
He's only invested in what he can get for himself. Everybody else is secondary to that fact.


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## Pleasantly (10 mo ago)

jonty30 said:


> He doesn't care about her either.
> He's only invested in what he can get for himself. Everybody else is secondary to that fact.


He doesn't care about himself either. Hopefully one day he'll get the help he needs


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Pleasantly said:


> He doesn't care about himself either. Hopefully one day he'll get the help he needs


If he's over 40, he's entrenched in how he is.
He won't make changes until the consequences catch up to him.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Pleasantly said:


> This may be true but he cheats on his current gf as well.


So why choose to continue association with him? You know what he does, who he is, and he isn't going to change. He would probably be just fine cheating WITH you as well as on you. His goal is to dip his line in as many ponds as possible, and he must really be one hot lover to so readily accomplish that goal.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I can't agree that it's a natural thing in us all that predisposes us to want to have more partners. So many men are more than happy with their one wife. I believe that we are created to be in monogamous relationships but that our weakness and sin nature means that many will cheat.


You are looking at it from religious beliefs, not from what the data and what to this day we know of the origins of mankind. I like to remind people that beliefs are just that, beliefs, they may or may not be true. They may be your truth, but they certainly may not be the truth as a matter of fact. After all, beliefs are nothing but an act of faith, not a fact.

Having said that the history of mankind, or what so far we know of it is there for all to see, analyze, and conclude. We may not have a complete picture, but we are ever inching to it.

Take genetics, it has given us a picture that just a few decades ago we couldn't even dream of.

I don't believe in anything, I accept facts that point to a particular certainty. Facts that can be challenged until there's irrefutable proof that the information at hand is the truth.

The scientific method is the best way to prove or demonstrate that what we have at hand is either the best knowledge we have of the matter, or it proves it.

There's no one in this planet that can tell me, and prove to me that the earth is square; nonetheless, there's those that "believe" it is.


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## Pleasantly (10 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> So why choose to continue association with him? You know what he does, who he is, and he isn't going to change. He would probably be just fine cheating WITH you as well as on you. His goal is to dip his line in as many ponds as possible, and he must really be one hot lover to so readily accomplish that goal.


He was an excellent lover


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Pleasantly said:


> I found out 2 years ago my ex cheated on me with multiple women. Recently he cheated on his current gf as well. I'm curious as to why do some men cheat. Is it something within himself that he is unhappy about?
> I still care about him. I know our relationship is over but I still care about him.


 Ex H or ex boyfriend? Circumstances?

There's more than one answer, and all I don't see applying in all circumstances. And then there are opinions on the why, to muddy the real whys.

Both sexes.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> I doubt cheating is genetic, however we learn a lot from our parents. The apple often doesn't fall far from the tree...


Cheating isn't genetic, no. It's possible the apple won't fall far from the tree re cheating but not guaranteed, as you say, perhaps often, but who knows the ratio. I don't at least.

I do believe the more affluent do and don't care and ultra rich do and stay married. Until something different pisses one of the spouses off. Then D is just a weapon to those folks.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Lack of self control. I doubt its genetic.


It is very much genetic.

We are our genetic makeup. 
Our genes influence our physical make up.

Our brain is a physical organ, and it is arranged according to what our parents provided.
Our body chemistry is inherited.

Those born with excess hormones, those that affect our sexuality, certainly make some more prone to excessive sexual desire and having less control over their impulses.

For example, those who are very athletic are often, very sexual.
The two go hand-in-hand, um, hand-to-gland.
........................................

Note: I kept Astrology out of this!

That _Neptune_ and_ Mars_ making for promiscuity!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I think society and culture have more impact than anything. If cheating is normalized on stage, screen, rich and famous it becomes a behavior people aspire to emulate. If a cheater were banished from civil society, cancelled, ostracized by friends and relatives, sent “outside the village”, it wouldn’t be so prevalent. 

I believe western society is decadent. Normalizing cheating is just one of many symptoms of decadence.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I think blaming genetics or "nature" for cheating is a cop-out. Like saying "people aren't naturally monogamous," it's just a way to excuse bad behavior.

The truth is that cheating has been normal in marriage for always. The difference is that now women have more opportunities and freedom, so they can behave just as badly as men.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The fact is that genetics plays a role. There is no gene for cheating, but some people are genetically endowed with a higher libido and a greater desire for variety and excitement, which motivates them to satisfy that sexual itch. They may want and believe in monogamy, but will have a harder time resisting their urges than people without this genetic variation.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> I think society and culture have more impact than anything. If cheating is normalized on stage, screen, rich and famous it becomes a behavior people aspire to emulate. If a cheater were banished from civil society, cancelled, ostracized by friends and relatives, sent “outside the village”, it wouldn’t be so prevalent.
> 
> I believe western society is decadent. Normalizing cheating is just one of many symptoms of decadence.


Worldwide trends are very much externally driven.

Life on Earth is subject to 'cycles'.

Earth is but a Petri dish.

All sorts of influences from 'without' impinge upon us.

Tiny us, huge the Universe.



*King Brian-* from his notes


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Pleasantly said:


> I found out 2 years ago my ex cheated on me with multiple women. *Recently he cheated on his current gf as well. I'm curious as to why do some men cheat. Is it something within himself that he is unhappy about?*
> I still care about him. I know our relationship is over but I still care about him.


That`s like asking, how long is a piece of string?
Spouses cheat for a multitude of reasons and every individual case is different.
It requires a psychologist to answer your question or to ask your ex directly.
All I can tell you, is that when men cheat it`s more about lust, when women cheat it`s more emotional.


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

Pleasantly said:


> I found out 2 years ago my ex cheated on me with multiple women. Recently he cheated on his current gf as well. I'm curious as to why do some men cheat. Is it something within himself that he is unhappy about?
> I still care about him. I know our relationship is over but I still care about him.



People cheat for different reasons.


I think that you should stop whatever you're doing to keep updated tabs on your exes. Cyberstalking, asking about them, getting information about them , discussing them, etc...



Just stop it all, and learn how to move on.


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