# still confused



## cantclearhead (May 1, 2010)

I have posted here before things seem to being good at home but still very confused..If there is anyone out there man woman or counseler I need a question answered...Why would a 60 year old woman who has been married for 40 years have an affair..She said she was very happy before the affair was very happy during and if it werent for the affair issues would be happy now...She was never good at talking hates confrintation and when ever I would ask if she wanted to talk she would say know everything is okay for 40 years...The affair is over and we would both like to get back to a somewhat normal life but i dont know how to...most affairs say they had problems in the marriage but we truly didnt..Do some people just have affairs because they can...Her life is pretty easy and many of her friends have said to her that they wish they had a husband like her.She had told her friend that she was in love with the OM and with me..Then when she get caught instantly she doesnt love him anymore...The counseler has told her that the OM played her...He would tell her everyday that she was gorgeous untill she finally bit......So I guess the question should be do some people have affairs just to find out if what they have at home isnt so bad....Thanks


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hi there cantclearhead, 
I don't know if I can help you but I do understand what you are saying and why you ask the question..
I'm not sure you will ever know the answer to your question, I think some people just get caught up by the attention and they figure what the hell.....
They just forget all the pain that this act will cause everyone close to them....
They seem to hold all the respect from friends and family and throw all that away in an instant and for a relationship that couldn't have really meant that much to them.......or they would be with the OM/OW.
I truly think that there is a selfishness inside of them that they just don't think of anyone else....it's just about what makes them feel good for the moment.
I feel sorry that we are going to spend the rest of our marriages feeling differently about our spouses because of their affairs.....
I don't feel the same respect for my husband and I know now that he is capable of hurting me if he choses to be in that selfish mode again, now it's a possibility, before it wasn't....
Trusting to much is devastating.....
I just keep this in mind, I do what I need to to live with myself and that for me is being honest, trustworthy and being a loving woman....He has to live with who he is and what he has done, and he must decide who he is going to be every day in the future.....I hate for me that I have to question our past and who we are, our marriage vows.....I hate that things and thoughts are so different, what I believe in, if I can trust.....
just when life was suppose to get easier.....


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## cantclearhead (May 1, 2010)

Thanks Jessi And I do have to agree with you ...It will change are life together forever...Not how we wnated it but it is liveable..She knows that the trust will never be back like it was but thats something she will have to live with it wasnt my choice...I trully hope that you and your husband are doing well...For my part my wife now knows any signs of unhappiness on her part and I will walk...I never thought I could walk away from 40 years but this last 6 weeks has made me decide that I only want people in my life that want to be there ...I think the way to survive an affair is to get a cold streak in you but to keep it hidden...I love her and would like to spend the rest of my life with her but I now love myself more have more selfrespect for myself and now realize that i can go it alone...Cold but reality...


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