# Husband is rugsweeping the affair



## footballwife93 (Sep 7, 2016)

I made a huge mistake and was unfaithful to my husband yesterday. Married less than a year, early 20s. I can say that we were in a rough spot where I felt like he didn't love me anymore and was suspecting infidelity from him, but there's really no excuse for it. However, I couldn't live with myself keeping it from him so I told him right when he got home from work. I did let him know that I don't have feelings for OM and I was thinking about him the whole time and he's the only one I love (which is completely true). He was pacing the carpet a lot, saying he will remember this for the next 20 years. Started asking details. I told them to him. It was his friend, but also someone I've been friends with the same amount of time and was involved with before I got with him. He was furious at OM rather than me, considering it's his friend. He kept saying that OM shoved a chainsaw in his back by doing this. Once he found out it was in our bedroom (not in our bed but against it) he said he wasn't sleeping in there for a while, he'll be on the couch. He wouldn't stop pacing. I asked him to sit next to me to talk. He refused to come near me. 10 minutes later or so, he finally sat next to me but wouldn't touch me or let me hold his hand. Which I expected and deserved. He was crying talking about how betrayed he felt.

I wanted to make it up to him so badly. I didn't know what to do. I offered to give him a BJ to make him feel better (since he's always asking for one). That might have been really awful, I don't know, but all I could think about was removing his pain. We immediately began a night long sex and cuddle session, more passionate than we've been in a few months. I fell asleep on his lap and every time I'd wake up the slightest, I hugged him tightly. He said it made him feel like I really do love him and that I really am sorry. He then apologized for avoiding at first. I couldn't believe it. He should be furious at me and yelling at me, I thought!

Well today I felt guilty and ashamed all day, the worst I've ever felt in my life. When I got home, he was totally acting like nothing had happened. I asked why he wasn't mad and he said, "Do you want me to be mad?" After pressing some more, he told me that he was over it. That we were in a rough patch, and so he didn't blame me. That he was going to act like it didn't happen and move on. I suggested marriage counseling but he said there's no point, he can handle his emotions about it fine. How does he go from "I'll remember this for 20 years, OM back stabbed me, don't touch me" to "oh it's fine I'm over it" without a care in the world about it??

This highly concerns me. I'm over the moon that he wants to work it out, but out of all the ways he could be acting, this is the last that I thought would happen. He's being completely nice to me and pretending it didn't happen. What is going on?


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## NWCooper (Feb 19, 2013)

He has a lot to process. Give him time to do so. He may be mad later or want to talk about it more. He has the right to process the way he needs to. You need to work on yourself and why you would disrespect your husband so much as to cheat, never mind in your home you share with husband and with a friend of his, no less. This is the first day of many to come, he won't just pretend it never happened, I'm sure.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Holy crap. Get a divorce and do some maturing before you get married again. Neither one of you is ready for a relationship. Not a relationship that's going to be anything other than totally dysfunctional anyways.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

footballwife93 said:


> I made a huge mistake and was unfaithful to my husband yesterday. Married less than a year, early 20s. I can say that we were in a rough spot where I felt like he didn't love me anymore and was suspecting infidelity from him, but there's really no excuse for it. However, I couldn't live with myself keeping it from him so I told him right when he got home from work. I did let him know that I don't have feelings for OM and I was thinking about him the whole time and he's the only one I love (which is completely true). He was pacing the carpet a lot, saying he will remember this for the next 20 years. Started asking details. I told them to him. It was his friend, but also someone I've been friends with the same amount of time and was involved with before I got with him. He was furious at OM rather than me, considering it's his friend. He kept saying that OM shoved a chainsaw in his back by doing this. Once he found out it was in our bedroom (not in our bed but against it) he said he wasn't sleeping in there for a while, he'll be on the couch. He wouldn't stop pacing. I asked him to sit next to me to talk. He refused to come near me. 10 minutes later or so, he finally sat next to me but wouldn't touch me or let me hold his hand. Which I expected and deserved. He was crying talking about how betrayed he felt.
> 
> I wanted to make it up to him so badly. I didn't know what to do. I offered to give him a BJ to make him feel better (since he's always asking for one). That might have been really awful, I don't know, but all I could think about was removing his pain. We immediately began a night long sex and cuddle session, more passionate than we've been in a few months. I fell asleep on his lap and every time I'd wake up the slightest, I hugged him tightly. He said it made him feel like I really do love him and that I really am sorry. He then apologized for avoiding at first. I couldn't believe it. He should be furious at me and yelling at me, I thought!
> 
> ...


Divorce. Don't get married again until you mature considerably. If at all.

I've said it a hundred times, I'll say it once more. Children shouldn't get married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drifter777 (Nov 25, 2013)

You have diagnosed this spot on. He's in complete denial right now. Not about the fact you had sex with OM - he's in denial about what that means to his psyche and your marriage.

His initial reaction was pretty typical with the pacing, yelling, crying, and feeling crushed. You offering him a blowjob at that time was a dumb idea but I understand why you did it. It is an issue when a woman thinks that communicating and controlling men with sex is a good thing - but that's for another time. 

The crazy sex you guys had last night is also very typical. It's called hysterical bonding and it will help smooth things over for a while. A short while. The blaming the OM is also very common but, as you know, you are the one to blame her. You wanted this or let this happen but either way it's all on you.

He will explode and the two of you are going to go through hell. It might be tomorrow, next month, or even next year but it will happen. You can't prepare for it other than to be open and honest with him and really try to see things from his perspective. 

You need to accept that you are powerless when it comes to his timeframe for dealing with this. In fact, you pushing him will absolutely make things worse. Be there for him if you are able to take the pain and hard work it will take to reconcile. Based on his immediate reaction I can guarantee you are not getting a pass on this one.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

You're not ready for marriage. You two don't have too much invested in this one yet. Cheating with less than a year in? You two need to divorce and go your separate ways. You can't build a foundation with this. His 20 year remark was right. Probably longer. Both of you need to cut your losses and move on. You're kids and not mature enough for marriage.


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## footballwife93 (Sep 7, 2016)

No, we won't be getting divorced just because of our age. That's not the answer to everything. I may have messed up when most people are in the honeymoon stage, but that doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life making it up to him and working at it to the best of my ability.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I'm sure he balked at your offer of a BJ because he thought about the other guys d!ck being in your mouth. He's going to go through many stages. Him wanting to rug sweep is because of the shame he feels. Banging his "friend" was really low of you. Being married for a year and you're already screwing another man because you thought he was cheating. That is so cliche. The amount of threads that I've read of woman using that excuse to rationalize her behavior is huge. 

The only positive I see is that you confessed immediately. To me that's huge. I recommend that you get some individual counseling to find out what's broken in you that you so quickly succumb to the desires of the flesh. I'm afraid that this may mean you're just not wife material.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

footballwife93 said:


> No, we won't be getting divorced just because of our age. That's not the answer to everything. I may have messed up when most people are in the honeymoon stage, but that doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life making it up to him and working at it to the best of my ability.


Divorce isn't the answer to everything but it's the answer here. You wouldn't be getting a divorce due to your ages, you would get a divorce because you f--ked his friend in your marital bed. Oh pardon me "up against" the marital bed. He said he'll be thinking about it for 20 years. Wrong he will never ever forget that until his dying breath. He's in shock and completely numb right now.

If you say you love him (which is baloney. See above re: his friend in your bed) then let him go. Give him the dignity of a divorce where he can find someone who will respect him and treat him as he deserves.

Give him a BJ as if it's a lollipop that will make the ouchie all better. Is this for real?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

footballwife93 said:


> No, we won't be getting divorced just because of our age. That's not the answer to everything. I may have messed up when most people are in the honeymoon stage, but that doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life making it up to him and working at it to the best of my ability.


I won't jump on the divorce bandwagon this time. 

Here is the deal: you cannot control him or how he reacts to your betrayal. Every BS (betrayed spouse) reacts differently to the reveal. He may be putting on a strong front so that you will not think him weak. Think about it....you emasculated him and humiliated him by letting his buddy fvck you in your own bedroom. There is a disrespect there that is fathomless. Do you comprehend that? This wasn't fvcking some random stranger in a motel. This is two people who this man loved colluding together to betray him in the worst, most disrespectful way possible. Footballwife, blowjobs and lots of sex aint gonna cut it. You need to become a safe person for him again. 

I do agree with the others. You need to grow the fvck up and take responsibility for what you have done and start thinking about your lack of moral compass and why and how you could have let your guard down and allowed yourself to do this act. Boundaries, if they were ever there to begin with, must be put in place and reinforced by YOU. You are a married woman, an adult (sometimes) and you have a responsibility to care for and protect your husband. 

You need to work on the following:

1) Boundaries

2) Morals

3) Loyalty 

4) Accountability


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

He has a lot to process which will take time. Most likely he would swing from being ok to being angry. Give him his time and space to figure this out. He has been betrayed twice. 

You need to do some work on yourself. Try to figure out why you would sleep with a man in your bedroom? In your home where you and your husband share your lives. Not that sleeping with a man outside your home is any better. 

Just because your marriage has hit a rough patch does not give you the right to sleep with someone else. All marriages go thru rough patches, it's normal. How you handle these rough patches tells a lot about who you are.

You both need MC to figure out how to communicate with each other.

Good luck.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

you cheated only yesterday? How have you even had time to sweep anything under the rug? It's going to take him weeks to process this all, he is in no state to decide what he needs to do to heal from this. And you are still in your first year of marriage? There hasn't even been time for you to really understand your needs in the marriage yet you have already looked outside your marriage to meet them? That speaks largely about what you actually value in this marriage to him. Whether he chooses to go to marriage counselling, or goes on his own, or doesn't go, you need to get yourself some professional help to determine if marriage is something you want, are ready for or able to be a part of, because it sounds to me like you would prefer to actually be single - why would you even pretend to want to be married? Figure this out before you get him entangled by you with marriage decisions like a house and above all kids.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

I don't think he is rug sweeping anything; he is going through the stages of grief. Denial being one of them. 

Look it up and get into IC for yourself. What you did was very reckless, immature, and extremely damaging to a relationship. It may indeed cost you your marriage down the road. 

Needless to say, the friend needs to go from both your lives. He is NO friend!

Your remorse is good, but it comes a day late and a dollar short.

Hopefully, you learn from this terrible ordeal and think before you act so recklessly!


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

footballwife93 said:


> I can say that we were in a rough spot where I felt like he didn't love me anymore and was suspecting infidelity from him, but there's really no excuse for it.
> 
> What is going on?


Any chance he cheated on you and thinks, ok, now we're even?



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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

footballwife93 said:


> . How does he go from "I'll remember this for 20 years, OM back stabbed me, don't touch me" to "oh it's fine I'm over it" without a care in the world about it??


By feeling betrayed and very very angry...then emotionally "getting over it" and trying to move on.


> This highly concerns me. I'm over the moon that he wants to work it out, but out of all the ways he could be acting, this is the last that I thought would happen. He's being completely nice to me and pretending it didn't happen. What is going on?


He's not "pretending it didn't happen. He's trying to be emotionally supportive and trying to recognise that whatever you didn't wasn't solely your fault, that he has to admit that he isn't perfect either.
Do you think he should bring up all the faults and be perpetually angry and resentful - would you think that is an appropriate way you would want to treat him?

He hopes you've realised the mistake and he can trust you and you'll communicate and help him find a "better marriage" in the future. Being an angry pr..k won't make that work will it.....


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Thought school was back in session?

Maybe it hasn't started yet in some areas.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He could be in shock.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

"The whole time I was banging his friend I was thinking of him...."

Then he let you have sec with him???

You say you love your husband and do this to him with his friend in your bedroom? 



That's just too f'd up for me to imagine, so I'm out.

I will say that you are mistaken if you think this is over. And if he has taken it this well, he is either totally screwed up in the head by this trauma, or he's been cheating on you and now knows how it feels.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RG1980 (Sep 8, 2016)

footballwife93 I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this but..your husband is cheating on you! BADLY!! The reason why he was so calm is he cheated on you for probably that whole day! You fked his friend in your house IN your bedroom! It's over! You guys are donee! Hire a PI and I guarantee you will find out he's cheating on you. Probably have been for a while since you mentioned you suspected infidelity..follow your intuition it's usually spot on. You need to act quickly..


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

OK, OP,

No one knows if he is cheating on you too. That is total speculation. But one thing you failed to mention here is how YOU feel and what YOU have done regarding OM. You husband was furious at OM because it was your mutual friend. So my question is this

WHAT DO YOU PLAN ON DOING OTHER THAN OFFERING YOUR HUSBAND BLOW JOBS REGARDING THIS "FRIEND"???? 
Do you think you are going to remain friends with this OM???? If the answer to that is yes, you might as well get divorced now. 
HAVE YOU TOLD OM NEVER TO TALK TO YOU OR COME NEAR YOU AGAIN???? If the answer to that is no, then we know what will happen in the next rough patch.

Your husband blaming OM is not uncommon and your real problems will occur when his anger, and it will come, is transferred to you. Quite frankly, if he does rugsweep this, it actually increases your chances of doing it again because there have been no consequences for you. If you reward bad behavior, it gets repeated.

Now you sound remorseful if a bit immature, which at 20 years old is forgivable. But you need to figure out yourself a little more because it seems like your answer to solving a problem is sex. 

Just answer his questions but I think you better figure out a way to get this OM totally out of your life. And if your husband has not made it clear to his "friend", you can bet that this buddy will come searching for more.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Wow. Just.... wow.

Right now you're sitting on the beach, smiling because there is a cool breeze and the sun is out - not realizing that the ocean has just receded 200 feet and there is a hurricane just over the horizon.

You're an anonymous stranger to me and *I* need time to process this.

Just wait.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your poor H is in a daze, his anger will probably come sooner than later and you may not like the fall out

What were the circumstances to hook up with his friend in your own home. Is it possible you H has not been faithful, his friend knew about it and took advantage, though no excuse for what you did?

You are far too young to be married and in a serious committed relationship.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

He'll remember this _for the rest of his life_.

Prepare yourself for divorce.

Oh, and grow up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

footballwife93 said:


> No, we won't be getting divorced just because of our age. That's not the answer to everything. I may have messed up when most people are in the honeymoon stage, but that doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life making it up to him and working at it to the best of my ability.


LOL. It won't be because of your age.

It'll be because you f*cked his friend, and in your home no less.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

You haven't mentioned why you let this desire override every sense of respect you have for yourself... find that and you will find your true measure of love both within you and for others for love treats neither you nor your husband as your behavior has.

It may take counseling... it will be worth every moment for you to discover how to love and respect yourself so you can share this with any relationship you have.


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## texasmom13 (Feb 18, 2016)

He will never forget your betrayal. It will always be on his mind. Men are different than women, though. They can compartmentalize their feelings and move on. If roles were reversed, you would be devastated and not be able to function, your emotions would affect your whole body. Men react different. I'm sure he loves you very much and does not want to lose you. 
My husband had an emotional affair with a friend/neighbor and I can't get over his disrespect for me with another woman. I will never look at him the same way, ever. I wish he had a physical affair with a stranger than this. It hurts more when it is with someone who you thought was your friend and right under your nose, and on a daily basis. Ouch! It makes me think, "what does this person think of me to treat me so poorly?" I don't feel valued or of anyone of importance to be treated so disrespectfully. Especially after I've invested 25 years into this relationship. So sad.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

texasmom13 said:


> He will never forget your betrayal. It will always be on his mind. Men are different than women, though. They can compartmentalize their feelings and move on. If roles were reversed, you would be devastated and not be able to function, your emotions would affect your whole body. Men react different. I'm sure he loves you very much and does not want to lose you.
> My husband had an emotional affair with a friend/neighbor and I can't get over his disrespect for me with another woman. I will never look at him the same way, ever. I wish he had a physical affair with a stranger than this. It hurts more when it is with someone who you thought was your friend and right under your nose, and on a daily basis. Ouch! It makes me think, "what does this person think of me to treat me so poorly?" I don't feel valued or of anyone of importance to be treated so disrespectfully. Especially after I've invested 25 years into this relationship. So sad.


I think it is the opposite. Women are much more comfortable than men when it comes to processing emotions - they talk to friends, loved ones, etc. They often have an "outlet" so they can relieve pressure in their relationship.

Conversely, men are generally taught to hold their feelings inside, not to discuss things with anyone except his wife. So he goes through his whole day taking everything that the world throws at him, and then comes home to what should be his place of comfort, of solace. His wife.

To the OP:

Now he doesn't have that. He doesn't have his friend either. I hope he has other friends that can give him advice. Honestly, if I were his friend I would advise him to annul this marriage and leave you far behind, then deal with the issues he will undoubtedly have going forward in life.

That's not a judgement in you, it's just real talk. He will never, ever view you the same way. That is a fact. If you really want to save your marriage, it will be a hard road, maybe impossible if he realizes that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. No one here would really be able to fault such a decision, honestly.

How did these events even come about? What "issues" were you having that led you to have sex, in your own bed, with his friend, rather than talking to your husband? And why was the opportunity even there, where his friend was alone with you in your home?


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

footballwife93 said:


> No, we won't be getting divorced just because of our age. That's not the answer to everything. I may have messed up when most people are in the honeymoon stage, but that doesn't mean I don't want to spend the rest of my life making it up to him and working at it to the best of my ability.


I was blunt but honest. You poisoned this marriage. It's not going to last. You had sex with his friend in your marital bed. Maybe you're not processing just how unimaginably screwed up that is. You have no foundation in this relationship to build from. If there was, it has been destroyed. I also agree with another poster that he may be cheating as well. You two weren't ready for marriage. You need to grow up first and learn from this. It could help you do better next time.


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## vel (Aug 27, 2016)

I can't believe nobody has called troll yet. This can't be real, right?


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but this does seem a little uncanny and even the way this is written seems detached and mildly entertaining which may be intentional


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

OP,

Tell your husband that you are prepared to be transparent, honor marital boundaries, own what you did, and discuss the A at any point and time he chooses; be it now or in ten years. Because there will be times when he will need it, even if he doesn't realize it now.

Tell him the you plan on demonstrating that you are remorseful for as long as you are married and that you will do whatever it takes to help him heal.

Initiate sex often. Be unselfish in bed.

Then you stick to those promises when he inevitably realizes his regret for rug sweeping. 

Assuming you are legit, you have a lot of growing up to do; but good for you for confessing and realizing your husband is taking an unhealthy path to R.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

vel said:


> I can't believe nobody has called troll yet. This can't be real, right?


See @Yosemite's earlier reply. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

vel said:


> I can't believe nobody has called troll yet. This can't be real, right?


You must have missed my post.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

footballwife93 said:


> I made a huge mistake and was unfaithful to my husband yesterday. Married less than a year, early 20s.


That was fast...



footballwife93 said:


> Started asking details. I told them to him...... Once he found out it was in our bedroom (not in our bed but against it) he said he wasn't sleeping in there for a while, he'll be on the couch.


Sacred ground to a man... You picked the worst room in the house.



footballwife93 said:


> I offered to give him a BJ to make him feel better (since he's always asking for one). That might have been really awful


What's awful is this is what it took for you to offer him one... Rather than him always begging.



footballwife93 said:


> He's being completely nice to me and pretending it didn't happen. What is going on?


If I were making a wager, considering how nice he's being now, he's thinking you just gave him a free golden ticket for a revenge affair.

It'd get on top of this immediately before he cashes it in betting you'll do nothing about it since you'd be a total hypocrite if you held it against him.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

....or he's waiting until the 'friend' is alone & he's got a baseball bat in the back of the car!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

vel said:


> I can't believe nobody has called troll yet. This can't be real, right?


Hopefully not.

However, people do these things, normally though, not so early in their marriage.

He may have rug swept this because it was a former lover....not a new one. The friend has tasted her before. He knew it. For HIM it hurt less, as it was not a NEW lover.

Others have said that he "too" has cheated and therefore could overlook her dalliance. I could buy this. 

Oh, and the husband and his "friend" may have pre-planned this...as a test of OP's [wife's] character. She failed...but admitted her cheating. This lessened the blow.

People do mean and strange things to each other.

I wish you Luck.....you will need it. This character stumble will be rubbed in your face, forever. Rightfully so.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's gone.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

lucy999 said:


> Any chance he cheated on you and thinks, ok, now we're even?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


More like projection from the OP, it is very common for cheater to say they suspect their loyal spouse of being a cheater too. I think the cognitive dissonance they are facing probably makes them feel like cheating is a normal human condition and that everyone would do the same thing they have done.


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## vel (Aug 27, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> You must have missed my post.


I interpreted your post as a jab at her character's immaturity, didn't realize you also thought her whole story was made up!

I believe there's relationships out there just as messed up as this one (and then some), but the way it was written doesn't feel sincere in the slightest.


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## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

A similar situation with my wife and i, she cheated and I found out a week and a hakf before she was suppose to train out of town for work. I told her I would try and forget for the week and half to support her new job that would hopefully make our relationship better for our family. It worked the first 4 days... then I was like why does she get to sleep with someone and it's suppose to make out relationship ship better? Thoughts of another man on her... and there is the whole one question about your betrayal with lead to many other questions regarding past , present, and future. 

If your staying together I would make sure to have your seat belt buckled and be willing to show your love and fight for your relationship .

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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ognimod13 said:


> A similar situation with my wife and i, she cheated and I found out a week and a hakf before she was suppose to train out of town for work. I told her I would try and forget for the week and half to support her new job that would hopefully make our relationship better for our family. It worked the first 4 days... then I was like why does she get to sleep with someone and it's suppose to make out relationship ship better? Thoughts of another man on her... and there is the whole one question about your betrayal with lead to many other questions regarding past , present, and future.
> 
> If your staying together I would make sure to have your seat belt buckled and be willing to show your love and fight for your relationship.


Was she cheating w/ a co-worker?

If so, the affair likely continued on the trip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Was she cheating w/ a co-worker?
> 
> If so, the affair likely continued on the trip.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Things are currently in process. It wasn't a coworker it was an ex of hers that was on an annual tubing trip the friends and family do. I can hang out at her hotel on a biweekly bases with the kids. But so far it's more troublesome than just staying at home. 

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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ognimod13 said:


> Things are currently in process. It wasn't a coworker it was an ex of hers that was on an annual tubing trip the friends and family do. I can hang out at her hotel on a biweekly bases with the kids. But so far it's more troublesome than just staying at home.


Sooo... she's still cheating or no?

Is OM married? If so, has the affair been exposed to his wife?

Has the affair been exposed to the rest of the people in that particular social circle?

One way or that other, he needs to be ejected from the circle and excluded from any future trips. And if that doesn't happen, y'all need to leave the circle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Ognimod why not start your own thread in CWI?


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## Ognimod13 (Aug 31, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> Ognimod why not start your own thread in CWI?


One day at a time. It's not as easy as just saying , hey guys my wife cheated. Thoughts? 

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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Ognimod13 said:


> One day at a time. It's not as easy as just saying , hey guys my wife cheated. Thoughts?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G530T using Tapatalk


Well...it will allow us to isolate your sitch for one...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ognimod13 said:


> One day at a time. It's not as easy as just saying , hey guys my wife cheated. Thoughts?


Maybe just copy your initial post from this thread and use that to start your own. You can expand from there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sephirox (Sep 18, 2016)

Might still be processing, be wary thought, it might all blow up soon


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

OP this will not end well. One of two things are going to happen. He is either going to literally explode when the gravity of what you did hits him or you are going to discover that he is letting this go because he himself has been cheating. He might have be projecting when he told you that you were in a rough patch so he understood. You also need to be honest with yourself. You knew what you were doing was wrong when you did it and you did it out of anger. You could have cheated with anybody but you chose to cheat with your husbands friend up against your bed. People are telling you to divorce because odds are you won't make it and you might as well cut your losses before you throw kids into the mix. He will never trust you again.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Has the OP returned?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I think the biggest favor you can do for him is to just leave him. Sooner or later after he processes this the anger will set in.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I got married when I was 20 and we are married over 40 years. It has been a great marriage. It has also been a non monogamous one. Cheating is only cheating if there is a rule that is being broken. No rule, no cheating is possible. I have always been poly and my wife knew that before we married. At first we gave monogamy a try. I had sex with three girls in our first year of marriage. However, I also bought my wife a new home and showed her more love than she ever got from her parents. She was very happy with our life. Having sex with someone else did not mean that I no longer loved my wife. It was just sex for pleasure and I do not believe that marriage means that I own my wife or she owns me. Not a popular view but you cannot argue with success.

The first time I told my wife that I spent the night with a model in town for a photo shoot, all she said was don't do it again. As most know, a person's past behavior is a pretty good indicator of their future behavior and so it was with me. My wife did not want a divorce and said she knew that I would never leave her so she decided to join me. We tried some wife swapping and soft swinging but she did not enjoy sex with people she had no feelings for and said I was enough man for her and did not want to have sex with other men anymore. So we stopped. Then my wife did something that probably no wife here would do, in fact most will not believe but look me up in many forums and you will find the same story dating back for years.

My wife knew that I was not the monogamous type but also knew that I deeply loved her. We were engaged 3 weeks after we met. She also was living a lifestyle that she never dreamed she would have. She was very happy with our marriage. One night she asked her best friend to have sex with me. Her friend was recently divorced and horny and she had a crush on me and was a long time friend of mine too. So we had sex afterwhich I asked my wife to join us. Long story short, we all liked it so much that we formed a poly triad and the three of us had a fantastic life together. Our girlfriend even found a guy to marry who was poly so she split her time between her two relationships. We were together for most of our 44 years of marriage and never once had a problem due to our poly lifestyle.

As I said, not your typical marriage or solution to infidelity but we wanted to make it work and we did. Not all people can view sex as just sex and that you can love more than one person much like you do with all of your family members. Morality dictates that I first kick my wife out of my life, destroy all we built together before I can morally have a one night stand with a woman. Seems crazy to me but I am in the minority. Along the way my wife discovered her bisexuality which she had suppressed due to her religious upbringing. She is much happier now and with two women in my life that love me, I no longer had to have anyone else. We all got what we needed. Sounds crazy but to use it was just our normal life.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

VinnyDee I think its great you have this magic lifestyle, but what does that have to do with this thread? 

Why not start a thread in General and begin a healthy debate? What you are doing here is threadjacking.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MattMatt or EleGirl, can you please lock this thread?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Vinnydee said:


> At first we gave monogamy a try. I had sex with three girls in our first year of marriage.


Maybe you should of tried a little harder....


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