# Clueless



## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

Where do I start? I met my wife a year ago. I had previously been through a broken heart and divorce before, so I was guarding my heart. It took her all but 4 months to melt my heart. After just two months of dating, she was talking about rings and marriage, which made me uncomfortable because of the hurt I suffered 5 years previously from a divorce. When I seen how she was treating me like a king, showing attention to my son and my parents, I fell for her and got a ring and proposed. I knew she expected it. She owned her own house, but was unhappy where she lived and kept talking about selling it. Soon we were looking at homes and she had put her home up for sell. It sold quickly. We found a home that was agreeable and bought it. Soon she was spending money, from the sell of her house on upgrades to the house. I didn't think we had to have all the upgrades, but it was her money to spend as she liked. To make the down payment on the home, I had took out a loan from my 401k plan but had to wait on the check. She couldn't wait so she used more money from the sell of her house to make the down payment. Once we had the house and knew when the upgrades would be done, I set a wedding date. I did this because I didn't feel right moving in with here before we were married. As soon as the house was bought, she moved in and lived around the work that was being done on it. We got Married on November 2, 2013 and I moved in. The plan was I would make the house payment and she would pay the utilities. Just 7 days after we married, I was laid off from my job due to downsizing. This was devastating to me and I took it extremely hard. I couldn't enjoy the holidays and she was decorating and purchasing gifts and I was afraid to spend money, not knowing our financial future as I've always been conservative and level headed. The job loss really brought me down and I hit the pavement in search of work. I did fortunately find work, but would have to drive a very long commute and work extremely long hours for considerably less money. Although I tried not to show the stress I was under, it affected me and I felt like less of a person. She has 3 children from a previous marriage, two of which are grown. Her story to me was that when her oldest was dating someone she did not approve of, her husband was going behind her back and letting the daughter do things she didn't want her to do and she left him and they divorced. She said he about gave her a nervous breakdown because he did what she didn't want him to. She then lived with a man for around a year and she left him. She said he wouldn't do anything for her kids and wouldn't let her change anything in his house. Both her ex husband and the man she lived with had very good jobs and faired very well financially. I have one son, from a previous marriage who is 8. I've been divorced for 5 years and my first wife broke my heart, had an affair and is now married to the guy. Around Christmas, just one month after we married; her 20 year old son moved in and slept on our couch since we only have a three bedroom home and my son occupied one room and her youngest daughter occupied the other. The wife's story was that her son couldn't stand to live with his dad any longer and left. She was concerned about her son because he was in bad influences so she told me. Her story is that her ex husbands wife mistreated her son and also she told me his father wouldn't give him money. Now I know from what she told me that her son would drink and dabble in drugs. Shortly after her son moved in, everything started going down hill between her and I. Here we were newlyweds who one was facing job loss shortly after marriage, her son moving in which we didn't have a room for, in addition to her telling me about his recent past and her concerns. On top of that, we had really no marital relations pretty much once or shortly after I moved in. This past winter was extremely hard with snow and not being able to do anything. Shortly after Christmas, my wife began criticizing everything I did, picking me apart at the seems, being condescending and critical of me. When we dated, I could do no wrong and she didn't even notice my faults and flaws. Right at the first of the year, she began staying in our bedroom on an iPad and would be on there until she went to bed. Sex and affection was non existent. I would try to hug and kiss her and she would pull away and when I would ask why. She would make some excuse that she didn't like the medicine smell of my mouthwash. It never seemed to bother her before. We had problems with the house and when I would ask for help, her response was it was not her problem. I was never one for electronics, but at Christmas I bought myself and her daughter and iPad and I was trying to learn it because she stayed on one and it seemed like that was they only way she would communicate with her kids and everyone else was through FaceTime and texting. They would even do this when they were in the same room, instead of talking. I downloaded a game on mine and would play it and in between games I would click over to other items like espn, ebay and surf the web. One evening she asked me why I clicked off when she came into the room as if I was up to something. I said no and offered her the iPad to look at. She continued to nit pick me apart at every corner during the upcoming weeks and I began to feel like I was on egg shells around her. A little about me, I am old fashioned, have very good values and morals and I wear my feelings on my sleeve. After so long, hurt feelings build up. I was watching her son come in at all hours of the night and some nights he didn't even come in. When I would try to talk to her about what I saw or how I felt, I was told I talk about retarded stuff. Day after day, she would come home, go to bed and stay on iPad until she went to sleep and seemingly would pick me apart over most little things. One day I received a friend request on facebook and I thought I knew the person from High School so I accepted the request. I don't use facebook except for posting pictures and reading folks items they put on there. We had a septic problem underneath our home and I was under the house trying to figure out what to do to fix it and I overheard my wife trash me to her kids and I was extremely hurt by what I heard. I felt like a failure. I'm one to keep things bottled up and not talk to people I know because I don't want them to know my hurts and business. A few days after that, I received a message on facebook from the person I accepted the request from simply stating thanks for accepting. Once we messages it didn't take long for me to realize I didn't know this person and I was so hurt that I chated about how I was being treated and how it appeared that her son had no discipline and I was concerned for what I was seeing. There was never nothing emotional or sexual whatsoever in the message as I would never have an affair or cheat on no one. It is against what I hold dear to me and my values. I just needed to chat with a stranger to vent my hurt since my wife didn't seem to notice and would never talk. My wife saw the message and wrote a snide message back to the person. She then accused me of cheating and telling lies about her and her child. I was simply stating what I was seeing and how I was hurt by the way I was being treated. I apologized over and over to her as I know it was wrong for me to vent to a stranger. Or so I thought I was venting to a stranger. I will fill you in on that later. As the weeks went by, she began sleeping in another room with her daughter and staying on iPad and facebook at all hours of day and night. She has always carried her iPad with her everywhere, even into the bathroom. She never lets it out of her sight. She began making things unbearable for me by acting as if I didn't exist. This went on for several weeks and I was on verge of a nervous breakdown. I went to my parents and told them everything and told her that I did. She then got upset and said it was embarrassing for her and that it's no ones business what goes on under our roof. I felt I needed to talk to someone seeing that I couldn't unload on even a stranger. On several occasions over a 3 week span she would say she didn't want to be married and that she wanted a divorce. Then one day she sent me a message stating that she sees no reason to stay in this marriage. I asked that we could work it out and she said no. She wanted to sell the house and she wanted all profits from sell and that I didn't invest a thing. I told her I invested my heart and made all the house payments. She said she payed for all the upgrades and that she had to get the money she spent so she and her kids could get a place. After hearing so much from her, I filed for divorce. I didn't want to and I'm heartbroken and I don't want divorce but I know I can't live with someone who doesn't want me and it hurts to no end to be rejected. Two weeks prior to her being served divorce papers, I found an online dating profile of her and found that for several weeks it had been active. I could not see messages, but I know she was on there every day for weeks. The day she was served divorce papers, she sent me a message stating it was mighty big of me to have her served at work. I then took screenshots of her dating profile from website and sent to her. Her response was that why shouldn't she look, she wasn't going to stay married. She deleted me from her facebook and wrote several things on there. I couldn't bear to live in the house any longer and moved out simply because I was living in anxiety hell and about to have a breakdown. She's been harping over money and asked if I'd make the house payment. I said no. We haven't had a court date yet, but I can't afford two pay for a house and rent too. The house is up for sell, but she has the price set so high that no one will buy it. Since then, she's posted pics of some guy on her facebook and saying she's loving her some gator. Apparently this fellas nickname is gator. The bad thing is that she is not in pics with him. It's just pics taken of him and her making comments of being out riding ridge roads and pictures of what she saw. I checked his facebool page and he lives in the area where she was riding. What I can't understand is how can someone who is going through divorce not hurt and not care. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and I find myself wondering how this has came to this. Was she cheating and trying to make herself look better and make me look to blame? I found out that the facebook friend I accepted and told all my hurt to and about her son was a fake facebook profile that she created. How's that for dishonest? Additionally I've found from several people that she left her ex husband for the man she lived with for a year and not for the reason she gave me. I'm clueless as what to believe.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I'm so sorry you ever met her! She sounds awful. I have heard of women who use marriage as a way to make money. It kind of sounds like that is what she's doing.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She's telling you who she is. Believe her. And please move much more cautiously in your next relationship. This one was way too quick. When a woman begins hinting for a ring after two months of dating? Rarely turns out well.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

What a heartbreaking story. You sound like a gentleman with a warm heart and PLENTY to offer. The truth is that you are top good for this woman.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Don't just walk away from her, Clueless!* *Run Like Hell!*

*You rebounded way to quickly, all at her whims! You really don't deserve to have to put up with her deceptive shenanigans for the rest of your life.

Get the hell out of Dodge ~ find yourself a good family lawyer and file immediately! I'm so sorry that you're being subjected to have to go through all of this!*


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## ecotime47 (Apr 3, 2013)

So sorry you've gone through all of this bro. I hope things get better for you soon. Have you gone to see a counselor or anything like that since all this went down?


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## Clueless in wv (Apr 20, 2014)

Update. We were only married 4 months when I moved out and took all my stuff. The house is in both of our names and we currently owe on it. I moved out because I was literally scared and lived in emotional anxiety. I can't afford rent utilities and to pay the house payment too. She also works, but doesn't make enough to float the house. She kept berating me even after I moved out, demanding I pay house payment for HER house. Yes I feel like she was good to me and my child in order to get a house after the way she has went on about money, money, money. After all, she wears high dollar clothing. I feel guilty because I've always been the type of person to keep my commitments and she's painting me out to be worthless. Up until yesterday, she would send nasty messages. Now she has stopped for what seems to be good. Yesterday, I drove by the house just to see if the grass had been cut. I was thinking of going and cutting the grass, since the house is up for sale. Of course, she has set the sale price so high that no one will look at or even buy it. We both are probably financially sunk. Anyway, when I drove by our house, her son was in driveway so I didn't stop; I just drove on. As soon as I got home, she had sent me a facebook message stating: she had no clue why I went by HER house you coward. You don't have anything here. I want the keys and if I have to go to the state police and tell them your stalking me, I will be more than happy to. I was hurt once again by her constant evil remarks when I'm not stalking her and Im just checking to see it would look presentable for anyone who might want to look at it since it's for sale. I sent her a reply back that said: first off, it's not your house, it's our house as long as the loan is in both our names. So quit with your whinning and be a bigger person. I was just driving by to see if grass had been cut because I was going to cut it if it had not, but forget it now. Dispite your illusion, the house is jointly owned currently by both of us. Why would I stalk so,eons who was so critical of me and put me down constantly. Of course she had to get the last word in so she sent a reply that said: whinning, lol, I think I've got the grass cutting covered. You have no reason to come here and that's the end of the story. Furthermore don't message me for any reason and don't come BY MY HOUSE EITHER. She then blocked me on facebook. I wasn't the one to message her. She's been the one messaging me. Of course I'm broken hearted and yes I was the one who filed for divorce but it was after so much emotional hurt I was getting. I feel like a failure and wonder why this woman has so much contempt for me and why she does not hurt. Of course I went and seen an attorney. He told me we didn't need an attorney since we have only been married for a short time and there were no children by marriage and the only asset was the house. He said he wouldn't take my money and I told him she had an attorney. He told me to let her waste her money on an attorney that the courts will either ask one party to refinance house out of other parties name or the house would be ordered sold. What is she thinking?


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

An annulment might be easier to get. 

My advise is don't rush into the next relationship.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Clueless in wv said:


> Of course I went and seen an attorney. He told me we didn't need an attorney since we have only been married for a short time and there were no children by marriage and the only asset was the house. He said he wouldn't take my money and I told him she had an attorney. He told me to let her waste her money on an attorney


I'd see another attorney.

Especially if you've got a good amount of equity in the home.


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## vpwhite2770 (Jul 26, 2013)

Stop trying to figure her out, she doesn't care about you and never did, she's been using you from the start. You really need to stay the **** away from her before you really get into deep ****.


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