# A Serial Cheating Married Predator wants to SHTOOP my wife. Advice?



## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Hi. I've been lurking and posting on these forums now for quite some time now without having actually experienced any infidelity myself. I still haven't - thank god. 

But an interesting thing happened this morning and I would like the collective wisdom from TAM to help me do the right thing.

Background: My wife just moved back to our house that we own in a small town while I'm staying in the city finishing school. She has been here with me in the city with our two small boys for the past few years but we both decided that since she gets more clients back in the small town (she does photography), she should go back there for a few months to increase our cash flow. She and the youngest went back while the oldest and I stayed here. (kids: ages 5 and 2. My age: 29, wife: 27) 

So she's been there for a few weeks and posted some ads on craigslist to sell some pillows and a TV we don't need. This guy calls her yesterday to ask if she has any couches as well. She says 'no, sorry. Just the pillows.' And that was that... until this morning when this same guy, basically a stranger, messages her 'good morning.' and then proceeds to start hitting on her. She soon realizes she knows who he is and who his wife is. She has photographed the kids before..lol

here's how it went:

Him: Good morning to you. Hope you are having a better morning than I am. Pretty windy on the water. **(he's on a boat)**

My wife: Eek! hope it isnt too rough!.. ** blah blah talk about pillows and prices...**

Wife: Ill send you a pic so you can see what they look like.

Him: Awesome! You rock!

Him: Oh, do you mind we keep this on the down-low. I wanna surprise the wife (plus she can be a lil jealous when texting a hottie) 

Wife: Haha she doesn't know your getting her new couches? That's so nice of you! Haha I'm married so she has nothign to worry about lol

** more stuff about couches and colors between the two...*

** asks about kids.. shows her a picture of his kids and the make up he did for them on halloween..blah blah***

Him: What does your hubby do? If you dont mind me asking.

Wife: Right now he's in school doing his economics and business honors degree.

Him: Oh cool. I was gonna ask if you do private sessions. Seductive and sexy, I would like to surprise da wife. Lol. I should have been in Porn. Lol 

** wtf. I think he's trying to tell her he has a big ****. bastard**

Wife: No. sorry I dont actually. I just do weddings and newborns. And boudoir I only do for brides when requested.

Him: Oh I see. Kk. Just wondering Apologise if I offended 

** nice spelling buddy **

Wife: Ur not the first to ask haha Ive had lots of guys ask for risky shoots. 

Him: *phew* kk. I had the background scene all picked out already. Lol.

Wife: IC. Haha... I just realized that I know your wife!! "POS's WIFE's NAME" right?

Him: Ya. Haha. So you can see how jealous she can be. Lol.

Wife: Well I dont know her that well. not enough to know that.

Him: I guess I can be a lil flirtatious, but it gets quite lonely out here on the water. Oh, with the company of some burly loggers. Lol.

Wife: Lol IC IC! Why not book a session for your wife? then you can have a little black book to keep you company when ur away! 

Him:I like the way you think! Adda girl! Just outta curiosity how are your self portraits with your phone? Im not on FB and I havent see you in a while. Can I get a pic of you? Hope that doesnt seem weird. LOL

Wife: Haha. there are lots of pics of me on my FB page. GTG my son is in the bath. Lemme know if u wanna book your wife for a session 

Him: Kk. Cool. Will do! 

*some time goes by*

Him: Just seen some of your pics. You are pretty. (All I can say without getting divorced) lol!

Wife: Hahhaha

_______________________________

That's it for the convo. BUT there's more to this guy. My wife's old boss had an affair with him a few years back while he was still with his wife and while she was engaged to be married. Her boss also told my wife how this guy has had multiple other affairs with other women besides her. A real POS scumbag.

So to start: Thank you wife for being so forthcoming and letting me know AS it was happening. She was talking to me in real time as this guy was hitting on her. A round of applause from TAM please..

Secondly, what is the best course of action? If he contacts my wife again, and I do think he will, what should her words be to him if he starts complimenting her beauty again?

Also, should his wife be informed of this conversation? He would proclaim it is just innocent banter, but we all know he has only one goal in mind: to have sex with my wife. No doubt. Of course, I don't want any drama for me or my wife.

What do you people think?


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Oh he's awful, yuck. I'd be very tempted to tell his wife.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

HappyHubby said:


> What do you people think?


How did you get this information from their texts? 

Did she alert you to him texting her? 

Or did you find them after suspicious behavior on her part?

From reading the back and forth, it's easy to see that he thought
she was hot and wanted to see how open she was to giving him a piece of ass. 

I think your wife (from what I read) did the right thing and
kept him in check. She was direct with him and kept the topic on point when he tried to steer it elsewhere.

If he's married, *hell yes* you tell his wife...
but that's *AFTER* you let him know that if he ever contacts your wife again, he'll be spitting chiclets.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

She was telling me in real time as she was texting with him. She just recently forwarded me all the messages so that I could post it on here and get advice. lol


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I'm thinking this guy is pretty creepy. I immediately have complete disrespect for any woman who has fallen for this crap, no matter how big his knob is.

Your wife handled it pretty well. I think the next time he flirts she should be blunt and tell him that if he wants the pillows then fine but she is married and the flirting is unacceptable ... or maybe that you are handling the deal from here on out ... or just cut him off and ask him "do you want the pillows or not".

There will be other buyers.

This guy is a joke. I'm on the fence about telling his wife. In this case, even if she saw the contents of the texts, she may put blinders on. Then again, it might just put her over the edge if she already knows he has cheated in the past. I'd be tempted to tell her for sure ... give her a link to this thread.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I'm thinking this guy is pretty creepy. I immediately have complete disrespect for any woman who has fallen for this crap, no matter how big his knob is.
> 
> Your wife handled it pretty well. I think the next time he flirts she should be blunt and tell him that if he wants the pillows then fine but she is married and the flirting is unacceptable ... or maybe that you are handling the deal from here on out ... or just cut him off and ask him "do you want the pillows or not".
> 
> ...


She is aware of past affairs. She knows based on my wife's info from her ex-boss. 

This could be the straw that breaks the camels back... can't know for sure though.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

HappyHubby said:


> She is aware of past affairs. She knows based on my wife's info from her ex-boss.
> 
> This could be the straw that breaks the camels back... can't know for sure though.


All you can do is provide her the information. You'll be doing her a favor but it's up to her what she does with it.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

HappyHubby said:


> She was telling me in real time as she was texting with him. She just recently forwarded me all the messages so that I could post it on here and get advice. lol


You're a *lucky* man, my friend.

Let him know he is never to attempt to contact her again.

Then tell his wife and expose this POS. 
His attempts at your wife failed but if nothing is done, I bet there will be another victim in the near future. 

These ***s are scum of the earth and need to be taken out like the trash they are.

I would also consider changing her cell number if you think it's required.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

cantthinkstraight said:


> You're a *lucky* man, my friend.
> 
> Let him know he is never to attempt to contact her again.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your response. I am aware of your story. I read your thread months ago and know that you guys couldn't reconcile. I'm sorry about that. Sorry she wasn't truly being remorseful. Your OM did a similar thing starting with simple convo and cheap compliments.. so these things aren't innocent . That much Ive learned from being on TAM. (he was a sports team DAD right?)

I don't think she should change cell numbers as she IS running a photog business and its getting relatively successful. 

Also, the fact that he is the husband of a client and its a small town worries my wife that it could be bad publicity. Word spreads quickly.

She is reading this thread so I think we will go with the advice to be direct and tell him the flirting is not wanted if it happens again.

In regards to telling his wife... still thinking about it and waiting for more opinions. I agree that she deserves to know, especially after his affairs. Is it enough info to show her ?


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

I know she told her husband about it, etc, but even still WHY did she tell some OTHER MAN what HER HUSBAND was doing, was studying in school, that he was out of town, etc...

What business is it of some sleazy other male to know this information?

And why did she even respond to his sms? What kind of weirdo SMS's you privately when they only got your number in the first place from an Ad you placed simply to sell something?


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

HappyHubby said:


> Thanks for your response. I am aware of your story. I read your thread months ago and know that you guys couldn't reconcile. I'm sorry about that. Sorry she wasn't truly being remorseful. Your OM did a similar thing starting with simple convo and cheap compliments.. so these things aren't innocent . That much Ive learned from being on TAM. (he was a sports team DAD right?)
> 
> I don't think she should change cell numbers as she IS running a photog business and its getting relatively successful.
> 
> ...


Yep, that's me. No worries... she's the coont, not you.



Okay, so at the very least, you need to let him know that 
YOU know and that both you and your wife find it unacceptable.

You can scare him into leaving her alone by threatening to spill the beans to his wife. 
That's a pretty big weapon right there.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Hi Cro-magnon. Thanks for your response. I misrepresented a bit there I guess.

HE knew who she was from the beginning based on photography and his wife and kids getting pics done by her... and i think his nieces and nephews also had pics done by her.. so not a total stranger.. but she doesn't converse with him. 

She wasn't trying to invite an opening by saying im away going to school. She was trying to brag about me actually. I was on the phone with her at the time... good point though. maybe we shouldnt have let him know Im not there. Thanks.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> I know she told her husband about it, etc, but even still WHY did she tell some OTHER MAN what HER HUSBAND was doing, was studying in school, that he was out of town, etc...
> 
> What business is it of some sleazy other male to know this information?
> 
> And why did she even respond to his sms? What kind of weirdo SMS's you privately when they only got your number in the first place from an Ad you placed simply to sell something?


Yeah, my wife would have been pretty blunt and to the point ... not rude, just all business. Not one for entertaining chit chat. I'm not like that ... I would entertain a conversation. I don't see anything wrong with how she handled the conversation except she did let it go on too long. Then again, if she was telling her husband at the same time then maybe they wanted to see where the conversation was going.


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## HappyHubbysWife (Feb 27, 2013)

Hey guys!

thanks so much for offering advice in regards to this situation. first off there is no need to be suspicious of me. i am VERY happily married to my hubby ( HappyHubby ) we have always been honest and open with one another and i have never kept secrets from him. as you can see from this post i told him everything as it was happening because i felt he needed to know i WANTED him to know. i forwarded all the msgs sent back and forth to him from iphone to iphone

as my hubby mentioned i am a wedding and newborn photographer and come home often due to demand and of course the cash flow that helps us get hubby through school and every day life.

it is public knowledge through my professional facebook page that i come back by myself with my youngest son, sometimes both sons. everyone knows what my husband does, and our situation.

i have photographed his individuals children before, so he does know me and he follows my professional page on fb. 

i am worried to tell the wife because it is a small town and i dont want to be in the middle of something that could cause any sort of rumour or negativity towards my business. 

would it be appropriate for my husband to say something directly to him instead of us going directly to the wife. 

i only know of the other affairs this guy has had through my x-boss. but dont know enough details to feel 100% confident -- how do i know if she was telling the truth to make her self feel better for cheating?... i dunno its a dilema... i have decided that the best thing to do would be to ignore his texts and not respond...


p.s. it did go a little longer then i would have normally let it go.. but because hubby and i were talking about it as it was happening.. we wanted to see where it was going and if there was something to be concerned about..


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

We see so many posts on TAM of spouses doing the WRONG thing that its good to see a spouse put in that situation doing the RIGHT thing !

There are so many discussions on here about why he / she cheated, but your example shows it simply comes down to personal responsibility. 

It would have been so easy for your wife to play along with this POS's BS but she didn't ! KUDOS !


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

HH,
You married a keeper! Up to you how to handle it, but IMO canthinkstraight has the right idea. A "friend" of my wife's family tried to send feelers out to her. I told her to let me handle it. I sent matching FB messages to "friend" and his wife. I think they both got the message.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Latigo said:


> HH,
> You married a keeper! Up to you how to handle it, but IMO canthinkstraight has the right idea. A "friend" of my wife's family tried to send feelers out to her. I told her to let me handle it. I sent matching FB messages to "friend" and his wife. I think they both got the message.


What was the content of his feelers?


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

They played the same FB game. Whenever he got a higher score than she, he would post and talk smack on her wall. The way some guys do when they want to flirt, but not "look" like they are flirting. He'd try to chat her up all of the time also. He started playing a word game with MIL and my wife. When he tried to play it one-on-one with my wife, that's when I stepped in. What I have written here seems mundane, but when you consider that there was alot of history between he and my wife, you can better understand what his intentions were. The whole sordid tale is in my profile history in the "He Tried Again" thread if you're interested in reading it.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

HappyHubbysWife said:


> Hey guys!
> 
> thanks so much for offering advice in regards to this situation. first off there is no need to be suspicious of me. i am VERY happily married to my hubby ( HappyHubby ) we have always been honest and open with one another and i have never kept secrets from him. as you can see from this post i told him everything as it was happening because i felt he needed to know i WANTED him to know. i forwarded all the msgs sent back and forth to him from iphone to iphone
> 
> ...


I commend you for your fidelity and character.

But at the same time, I get the feeling that this guy is just going to destroy more than one other relationship in the future, just to get his rocks off, and no one in your community is going to say anything about this cancer in their midst, everyone is just going to be "politely silent" whilst he just does whatever he wants, like some kind of wrecking ball that is above the law and free of all repercussions for his actions.

No one wants to make a scene, afterall, right?

What's a decent analogy...........if you saw a Shark cruising the shallows looking for an easy meal, you'd warn ALL your fellow beachgoers pretty quickly, wouldn't you. "Get out of the water, Shark!"

Can you imagine seeing a shark at the beach, and just getting your own family out of the water, but not telling the swimmers 100metres up the beach about the killer swimming toward them?

You geddit?

Tell his fcuking wife already....


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Phone call from POS: Decline

Follow up 3 seconds later by a text: Sold the pillows. Don't have any couches. If you want to have pictures taken, plz call (enter husband's number) as it's my business number.

Three seconds after that: block his phone number and defriend him on FB.

POS calls 'The business Number'

Happy Hubby: "Oh...HI POS. How ARE you?"

POS: "Uh...Hi Happy Hubby...I was calling about some photos." clearly uncomfortable.

HH: "Yeah! Isn't that a pip. I'm my wife's business manager. It's my job to manage her business. ALL her business. In fact, we were just talking about how you wanted to do some naked pictures in front of her. Ha ha..." No laugh. Say "ha ha" "She tells me EVERYTHING. In fact, she had the FUNNIEST stories to tell me about you and Patricia (Wife's ex boss). Maybe you me and our wives can have dinner some time and we can share them. What do you think? Think the wife wants to hear about them?"

POS: "Um...not really. We're kind of busy..."

HH: "I'll bet you are. Remember, my wife is in the PHOTOGRAPHY business, not in the 'story making business.' Are we clear on that? But if you want to keep talking to her, I'm sure she can go into the story TELLING business. Are we clear?"

I am sure he will get the message without discussing chicklets. That is if you decide not to tell the wife...though honestly, telling the wife only increases HER sorrow.

What you need to do is tell all your friends, male and female about this POS. Because he isn't hunting his wife, he hunts other people. You get the reputation you deserve.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

JCD said:


> Phone call from POS: Decline
> 
> Follow up 3 seconds later by a text: Sold the pillows. Don't have any couches. If you want to have pictures taken, plz call (enter husband's number) as it's my business number.
> 
> ...


Thank you. Someone gets it, at the very least.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Of course going JCD's route keeps the shark at bay but doesn't warn the other tourists. Maybe just a short message to the wife... hey a link to this thread perhaps?? with the message: your husband is the subject of this thread.


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## Carlchurchill (Jan 23, 2013)

Eish having a pretty wife is tough...Its a battle zone out there!


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## [email protected] (Sep 27, 2012)

Don't call his Wife..Call him & tell him to stop all the unnecessary chat with ya wife.Tell that if you ever see him txt your wife again you gonna come & tell his wife & show all the flirty msgs he sent.Be straight so that scumbag will feel that you're not gonna kidding with him!!


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

HappyHubby said:


> Hi. I've been lurking and posting on these forums now for quite some time now without having actually experienced any infidelity myself. I still haven't - thank god.
> 
> But an interesting thing happened this morning and I would like the collective wisdom from TAM to help me do the right thing.
> 
> ...



A simple cease and desist order from your wife will do for starters. To me it seems like she was egging the conversation on by continuing. When texting, you just stop when you're done with business any other talk is enjoying the exchange.

If the "don't text me again" route doesn't work, tell him you will contact his wife. If he continues...do it. End of game.
Tell her to stop the back and forth,


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> I know she told her husband about it, etc, but even still WHY did she tell some OTHER MAN what HER HUSBAND was doing, was studying in school, that he was out of town, etc...
> 
> What business is it of some sleazy other male to know this information?
> 
> And why did she even respond to his sms? What kind of weirdo SMS's you privately when they only got your number in the first place from an Ad you placed simply to sell something?


I agree with this, it's really odd to have this exchange. I know she let you know as it happened but she handled it all wrong. It was clearly a flirt text session and she played along. If I were the POSOM I would think she was stringing me along to see what happens.

You both need to talk about a better plan when this happens. Craigslist is dangerous. And men can be dangerous while your not there to protect her.

Take this more seriously. Nip it in the bud earlier next time.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

dogman said:


> A simple cease and desist order from your wife will do for starters. To me it seems like she was egging the conversation on by continuing. When texting, you just stop when you're done with business any other talk is enjoying the exchange.
> 
> If the "don't text me again" route doesn't work, tell him you will contact his wife. If he continues...do it. End of game.
> Tell her to stop the back and forth,


Here is the problem. She is a small business woman in a small town. She does not want to shut down conversation or get a bad reputation (unfairly earned, btw)

So she'll play a LITTLE of the flirting game within well described boundaries if it means some money. Maybe not THIS woman, but I can see it from others.

And since she was talking to her husband at the same time, she was safe and proper.

So a little banter is okay...as long as she KNOWS where banter can go. I read it the same way. She deflected his advances in a safe, diplomatic, but pert way.

I thought it was reasonably done...though mentioning her husband was gone was NOT correct. But it's hard to think on your feet sometimes.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

To the wife:

You are a good wife.. But you have to resisit the temptation to always be nice to men. If a guy is hitting on you, shut it down. Don't make plans to photgraph his wife... Keeping it "Nice" and avoiding conflict (or trying to increase your business) is only read by him as a signal that you are interested in HIM... 

If he contacts you again, tell him to stop texting you. Don't bother telling his wife... That's not your responsiblitiy.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

HappyHubbysWife said:


> Hey guys!
> 
> thanks so much for offering advice in regards to this situation. first off there is no need to be suspicious of me. i am VERY happily married to my hubby ( HappyHubby ) we have always been honest and open with one another and i have never kept secrets from him. as you can see from this post i told him everything as it was happening because i felt he needed to know i WANTED him to know. i forwarded all the msgs sent back and forth to him from iphone to iphone
> 
> ...


If the shoe was on the other foot would you want the wife to tell you?

do the right thing and tell her what a scum bag he is. if she refuses to realise it the it on her.

as a husband I would have a hard time not confronting him and punching his lights out! But I'm a neanderthal at heart.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

JCD said:


> Here is the problem. She is a small business woman in a small town. She does not want to shut down conversation or get a bad reputation (unfairly earned, btw)
> 
> So she'll play a LITTLE of the flirting game within well described boundaries if it means some money. Maybe not THIS woman, but I can see it from others.
> 
> ...


Yeah I get it but men are dangerous and if your not there physically, it's a problem.

I don't like,"honey, I have to be nice to him for my job" grrrrrr!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Very much do tell his wife.

It sounds like you actually know her, do she's not some anonymous stranger. Her husband is actively seeking to cheat on her. Actively and blatantly.

She's home trying to work on the marriage while he is hunting fresh tail.

She's wasting her time and is being lied to. Give her the truth do she can make informed decisions, keeping her in the dark is not helping her or her kids.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

dogman said:


> Yeah I get it but men are dangerous and if your not there physically, it's a problem.
> 
> I don't like,"honey, I have to be nice to him for my job" grrrrrr!


Like? Who likes it?

How many MALE business men have to suck up indignities, particularly in the service industry? Many and more. The only ones' who can be that selective are individually wealthy, or are such a high end person that they can dictate their prices.

So it's not just women...and I'm betting that the women hate it even more...because at least most men don't need to worry about some sleaze trying to pat their fanny.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

HappyHubbysWife said:


> i have decided that the best thing to do would be to ignore his texts and not respond...


Go one step further and block this cell number. If he keeps texting you, you run the risk of getting caught up in his bullsh1t (Not that I'm accusing you of anything, it's just that sh1t can happen). It's best that you don't even see that he is texting you.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

A couple of observations...

First, your wife was egging him on a bit with "lol's" and "hahaha's" and continuing the conversation when it turned non-professional. She did nothing wrong, but it would have been better to nip the "feeler's" at the bud from the get-go.

Second, if he texts her again YOU need to put a stop to it! 

I have had to do this recently. My wife and I met a nice couple at a music festival and exchanged numbers with them. We met them once a few weeks later for drinks and they seemed very nice and eager to socialize more. Only one problem, the man was the one constantly texting my wife. On top of that, he sent a text saying something about going on a swinger's cruise.

He later texted back saying sorry, that was meant for someone else. But, we both know it was his way of sending out a feeler. He was very smooth, never saying anything that could not be played off as totally innocent. After receiving a few more texts during the next two weeks, she finally told me point blank, "this guy wants to fvck your wife!"

That jarred me and I replied to his next text, "This Donna's husband. I find it inappropriate for you to be texting my wife directly and often like you have been doing. Please communicate directly with me, or have your wife communicate with Donna in the future."

We have not heard from the since...

You should answer similarly.

"This is not happywife, but happywife's husband. I find your conversations with my wife inappropriate and non-professional. Please do not contact her unless your wife has business dealings to discuss."


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

Tell his wife,
threaten his life....

For real, veiled threats are very useful, though they must be veiled, not overt (that can get you arrested) so mention to him that you know his game and that he should be very careful because "people get killed for that kind of thing, a husband can go into and uncontrollable rage and act violently, even if it is out of character"....

warn him sternly: don't call my wife again, I know your game. 

If he calls her again, find out where he lives, go to his house at 3 in the morning and throw a brick through his window. 

I know of a lawsuit that was revoked due to 'ye olde' anonymous brick through the window. Very effective.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Ever-Man said:


> Tell his wife,
> threaten his life....
> 
> For real, veiled threats are very useful, though they must be veiled, not overt (that can get you arrested) so mention to him that you know his game and that he should be very careful because "people get killed for that kind of thing, a husband can go into and uncontrollable rage and act violently, even if it is out of character"....
> ...


Wow! I like it. But I bet it hurts her business.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

dogman said:


> Wow! I like it. But I bet it hurts her business.


I wouldn't think the veiled threat would hurt her business at all. Who is he going to mention it to....NO ONE that's who. 
I am on the fence between HH directly calling the POS or Mrs. HH. I am kinda for people fighting theri own battles. She doesn't heed her husband fighting her fights. BUT, she kinda played along so this may not work.

Probably best option here is for HH to call him directly. ake it clear he knows his game and perhaps throw in a veiled threat or 2. It will end there. Then you gossip your story around town. A small town like this, in a week everyone will know.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

In real life, your wife is trying to run a business in a small town, where gossip is rampant and reputation is everything. However, I suggest to her the same thing I do in my own business. I get men who want to do "relationship coaching" privately with me all the time, and I tell them, FIRST COMMENT, "Before we go any further you should know that my Dear Hubby and I do this together, and I do not speak with men privately at all. Ideally, you and your spouse would work with both Dear Hubby and I. If you want a private coach, you will be speaking with my Dear Hubby and then we share with each other everything you write. We'll discuss it and reach a mutual conclusion about a reply, and he will be the one writing to you privately, not me. Do you still want to continue?" 

In the most polite and business-like manner, I tell people out loud, from the start that I'm not in this to flirt or hook up... PERIOD. And I would suggest that she does the same. She doesn't have to flirt in order to have a successful photography business, and I'm not laying blame so don't misunderstand my tone or attitude. I'm just saying that as a business-woman, you can have a caring, fun, good reputation without having to flirt. 

I like the idea of having you as her "business manager." What I see is that often, when you make it clear that your husband is HIGHLY INVOLVED and they'll be going through him...a lot of times that gives predators like that the opportunity to "move along" and shuts them right down. So have hubby's phone number as the initial contact, and when they call thinking they'll be getting some vulnerable female and get a GUY...they'll be business-like. Just have hubby say "Yes, I'm her business manager. Oh you'd like an appointment? Oh she'd be happy to set up a time just for you. Let me get your name and phone number and I'll have her call you personally to work out a time with you." Easy!


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## SweetAndSour (Feb 25, 2012)

How dangerous can he be ? you need to judge that well. Then look what can you afford to give him what he deserves. 

I'd torture and burn such a slime who is eyeing at my family, our happines, at my woman's p*ssy to be specific, yes that's all he wants. I wish I had that view before.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Post him some pictures of your shotgun and shovel......


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

The best course of action is to let your wife deal with it.

I'm sure it's not the first time she's been hit on by a moron.

If it becomes more than she feels comfortable dealing with she'll let you know.


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## HappyHubbysWife (Feb 27, 2013)

Thanks everyone  

I'll try to be a little meaner next time  just by nature I am a friendly person so i can see how it would have come across as flirtatious which i didn't mean to come across that way. But i get, because of his intensions he would take my responses differently.

lets remember my husband was present on the phone while this was taking place and i was sending him the texts as it was happening. since then there has been no contact so i am happy about that. 

I just want to point out that i kept mentioning his wife in the conversation. that was my way of letting him now i was not interested, and steering the attention away from me and back over to his wife to make him feel guilty and stupid. i think it worked in my opinion. i think the friendly banter continued to make himself feel a little less awkward. im not going to go to his wife about this because i dont feel it would be beneficial to me. she may take it differently and turn it on me and i wouldn't want that because it is a small town and word does get around..

thank you for all your comments, it has helped my husband and I figure out how to handle these situations in the future if it ever happens again. we never really put much thought into it before, until recently that HappyHubby has been on here 

This Isn't the first time either myself or my husband has been hit on. We have a tell each other everything policy  and so far it has been working for us, and we are very happy 


Thanks again!!

HappyHubbysWife


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

HappyHubbysWife said:


> Thanks everyone
> 
> I'll try to be a little meaner next time  just by nature I am a friendly person so i can see how it would have come across as flirtatious which i didn't mean to come across that way. But i get, because of his intensions he would take my responses differently.
> 
> ...


The bolded part

Just in case for future refrences.Guy´s like him takes that as you are up for it. But keep testing him to see.. And quite frankly i must say guy´s like this one.GUILT ,what´s that??

The don´t care


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Not the highest level player Ive seen. Nonetheless a player.

Overall grade of HHWife. B+/A-. ( a few points off for haha but nonetheless you passed well)

BOTH of you. Seriously google the words "how to seduce a married woman" so you will know a player every time it happens and it happens more than you think.

Edit: Out him. Consider it your "Pay it forward" deed of the day. You will never know the name of the people whose marriage you saved. But they WILL EXIST!


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Yes. I agree he wasn't very high level. Too obvious and direct. They are easier to spot and not as dangerous as the more patient, skillful snakes that go for friendship first.

I would agree that she Lol'ed and haha'd too much. We talked about that. She should be more direct in turning that type of conversation down. Like, "I understand you are complimenting me but I am a married woman and I do not appreciate this kind of attention or conversation from anyone other than my husband. I thank you for respecting my wishes on this." Still polite but clear.

Still contemplating telling the wife. If I do, I will likely steer her to this site as he HAS actually cheated on her in the past and my wife and I pretty sure she is aware of it. This little convo might not be much in itself but added to his prior indiscretions may leave her in need of some TAM help.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

I wonder, for all those who read this.

How many of your wives would be able to ignore these advances?
I don't think my stbxw would. 

(If ur a woman, would ur man be able to ignore the flirting?)
A real eye openee I tellz ya!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> Him: Oh cool. I was gonna ask if you do private sessions. Seductive and sexy, I would like to surprise da wife. Lol. I should have been in Porn. Lol
> 
> ** wtf. I think he's trying to tell her he has a big ****. bastard**


Either that or he goes both ways. As John Holmes said: "He was gay for pay."


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Keepin-my-head-up said:


> I wonder, for all those who read this.
> 
> How many of your wives would be able to ignore these advances?
> I don't think my stbxw would.
> ...


My wife is a stylist.
She runs her own salon and her business is entirely wrapped up in her phone with repeat clients.

She get's this stuff all the time from guys "making appointments".
I know from looking at her phone not from her telling me.
It's a non-issue to her, she wouldn't even think to tell me about it.

It's just life to her, guys are dogs, when they're dogging her she just ignores it.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

when he want to do nude pictures. Your wife should have wrote back saying "I don't do minatures"


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## shaung (Mar 18, 2011)

I know exactly what I would do. I would have her set up a meetup with him, then I would show up instead and asked him, *"wtf are you doing coming on to my wife and trying to set up dates with her @sshole?"*


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

HappyHubby said:


> Thanks for your response. I am aware of your story. I read your thread months ago and know that you guys couldn't reconcile. I'm sorry about that. Sorry she wasn't truly being remorseful. Your OM did a similar thing starting with simple convo and cheap compliments.. so these things aren't innocent . That much Ive learned from being on TAM. (he was a sports team DAD right?)
> 
> I don't think she should change cell numbers as she IS running a photog business and its getting relatively successful.
> 
> ...


I hope that I am understanding the details correctly, but I can't help but wonder if you should focus your priority on the fact that this is your marriage you are talking about, and some potential for word-of-mouth complaints from a scumbag are on a whole different plane of existance, in comparison. Why not call this guy immediately? Read his pitiful attempts to make a move on your wife to him? By now, you could have told his wife also, very likely, reading the texts to her, and telling her that your only goal is to develop a professional reputation in town, so you felt that she deserved to know. Tell him about consequences, and then take your wonderful wife out to celebrate the fact that she is transparent enough to show these to you and defend her marriage.

If your wife is known for her professionalism, and you are known in that same small town for being a strong, fair supporter of her business, this is the message that small town people see. Most people are probably very aware of exactly what type of person he is.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

With all do respect.Dont brush this guy off like this
Because he is ugly andsleazy-- You would be suprised.

Deal with him NOW...You not your wife





HappyHubby said:


> *Yes. I agree he wasn't very high level. Too obvious and direct.* Well in his mind it worked..And rest assure it has worked before.*They are easier to spot and not as dangerous as the more patient,* That´s the thing he is patient.*.skillful snakes that go for friendship first.* They are patient to..So?
> 
> *I would agree that she Lol'ed and haha'd too much.*True.That´s way in his mind it worked...
> 
> ...



I´m not saying your wife will sucumb..But dont take sleazy bag´s litley


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Keepin-my-head-up said:


> I wonder, for all those who read this.
> 
> How many of your wives would be able to ignore these advances?
> I don't think my stbxw would.
> ...


I have read my wife's texts from time to time ... she doesn't really play those games. I think he would be cutoff the second he started.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

His game is weak. How do women fall for that.

You have nothing to be worried about. He has the cunning and sophistication of wild boar.

Step yo game up! For cryin out loud.


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

HH is lucky to have you,HHW!!! Exactly the correct thing to do. I think you should definitely tell this jerk's wife what he tried to do,as well.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

listen friendly is one thing but you are dealing with the type of guy that will poach and sit back and wait. Maybe not now but one day went you marriage is rocky this guy will reappear. He is fasicnated by your wife and won't stop. General guidlines I would follow in communication with him in the future.

stay on topic. 
when the conversation is in appropriate tell him so. be professional but no need to be friends with a tiger.
When you reference his wife just mention that you don't think his wife would appreciate it. If he crosses the line too many times refuse him business. You are your own boss and let him know his family is welcome to have their photos taken but he is not welcome by him self. 
You have to shut guys like him down or they will literally stalk you from the fringes. This guy sounds like he is damn good. Which means you need to give him zero openings.


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