# Am. I Wrong?



## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

ok, so at my work( a medical practice) all the nurse are women, my age by the way, i have asking them their opinon on the problems that my wife and i are having. In the past we have talked about romantic idea to do for our spouses and boyfriends, mostly them come to me for tips, and they usually have the intended effect that they were looking for, strictly platonic, no flirtation at all. should i feel guilty for talking to my female coworkers about this, because i do? 

SEe my other post" online emotional affair" for the details about my wife and I's situation...

AM I doing the same thing? as she is doing?


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

should i feel guilty for talking to my female coworkers about this, because i do? YES


AM I doing the same thing? YES YES

as she is doing? YES YES YES

So stop it...

Preacher


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I have 2 barometer tests to see if its "wrong".

1. Would I want my wife doing the same thing with another male? (whatever the situation is).

2. Would I do the same thing if my wife was right there with me?

If both of those are "yeah, I'd be ok with that/still do that" then its ok, if either answer is "no" then I shouldn't do it either.


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## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

I see both your points that have been presented, I guess I should stop talking to my coworkers about that kinds of stuff and just try to keep it work related topics.

Thanks for the input.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

For whatever its worth, I didn't say you were wrong, I just gave you 2 questions to ask yourself and answer the question for your own relationship.

If what you are doing, you would be ok with her doing that with men at her workplace, and you would be ok with her being there while you are talking about it, then it is perfectly ok and right.


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## elattoo (Jul 4, 2009)

The test given by one of the other posts is a good one, and only you know where your heart is. However, I think even if you are doing this innocently now, you are playing with fire here. This is the place most from which most infidelity springs. Nobody goes to work one day and says, "I think I'll cheat on my wife today". It starts with niceties, advice, sharing of details, complaining about spouses, and pretty soon a connection is made and feelings grow more intimate as you begin to trust your coworker(s) more and more.

I would advise you to avoid this kind of sharing of you and your wife's relationship with the opposite sex. If you are having trouble in your marriage, I would suggest seeking the help of an older guy/mentor or pastor that you trust and respect. You can have friendships with coworkers, but that doesn't mean you share marrital details with them. 

my two cents...
Kevin


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## kuyaeye (Jun 15, 2009)

thanks, I see your point aswell as the other points and suggestions. I have stopped descussing my issues with them, as adivsed be my counselor and the forum members. The only one worth talking to about my problems is my wife, unfortunately she hates talking about her feelings with me. So I suggested when she is ready to talk I am ready to listen, I know it will take some time to work through but with my wife by my side and counselling I think we can make it... oh and by the way I told her that I talked to my coworkers about us and she didn't seem to care about it( at least that is what she said), I know she thinks I am doing the same things she is doing. talking to ex-boyfriend about our problems. oh well it is another issue we have to workout.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I think it is inappropriate to be a confidante to a friend of the opposite sex, especially if either of you are in a vulnerable relationship. For females, that advice holds more weight and can lead to a strong emotional connection. In other words, it is easy to fall in love with someone who seems to understand you. Keep the co-worker chats to non-personal things. Just the fact that you are asking means you are suspecting something is developing or you think the other women are thinking so.


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