# Yet another separation...



## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

Married about a year... we've had one argument after the next and the last one I put my fist through the door. I'm sure it scared her, so she left and has been staying with her Mom. Some days i'm extremely heart broken and other days I just try to think about why I would be better off without her. The truth is however that I wouldn't be.... I took vows, I knew I was going to marry this person years ago. We dated and then broke up and were apart for 5 years and she came back and we got back together and got married. I know there has to be more to it than this. She is hurt and says that her feelings go back and forth which I understand because as I said above... mine do too. It's not to bad with people around, but when you're all alone in your bed at night and no one is there but you and your thoughts you really do think about your faults, things you have done, that they have done, just everything. 

I'm sorry to all who are going through this as well. Though i've only been married a year we have spent A LOT of time together as friends, and as a couple so I do understand spending a lot of time with someone and then losing them.


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

from a woman's point of view, would some of you ladies mind chiming in on whether it's best to be like super nice... not out of the ordinary nice, but maybe just do things that I used to before, or just leave her alone and hang out with her on occasion when we talk?


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

I have been separated from my husband for over a month now and can't sleep also! Anyway, right now your feelings are unclear and one moment you are angry then remorseful of your wrongs. As difficult as it is you need to give each other a few days to clear your mind and discover what you really want. I went through that and didn't take the time to clear my head and I did alot of things I wish I didn't. Be completely honest with her and tell her what problems you have and ask what can we do to fix these problems? Let her know your feelings. It seems like you really care for her. Make sure she understands your feelings for her and try to open up communication.


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

it's been about 2 months now that we have been apart... she works a lot and goes out and such (she has a hard time being alone when going through these kinds of things) with her friends. I do love my wife very much, but as she said... she is back and forth, as am I to be honest... it's just all very confusing to me.


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

I don't know what your problems are but you need to take time to clear your mind. You need to know exactly what you want from your marriage and your relationship and then go after it. I have always known I love my husband and want to be with him, but I know exactly what I will and will not tolerate in my marriage. I have very clearly explained that to him. He can not accept my conditions so now I am trying to move on. 

So try to open communication and ask her what does she want in order to make the marriage work. What are some reasons she doesn't want to try again. Really listen to what she is saying.


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

yeah, she has court tomorrow early and I have to get up to take my car in to the dealership as well, but she said that when she had more time we could get into things more in depth on Thursday and I don't know, maybe somewhere in there she will tell me everything she wants though she has told me a few things such as therapy for my temper and such.


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

If you want a relationship with your wife listen to her very carefully. Try not to get defensive when she tells you what she wants and the changes she wants from you. I know how difficult that can be. It might be a good idea to go to counciling. That would prove that you are listening to her and value her opinion, but at the same time you need to think of what you want from the relationship and communicate that to her. Try to stay very calm when you talk to her.


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

yeah, I am actually going to counceling now... I just want to get through this... you can't change a persons mind you know... but you can at least try to make the changes for each other that may help.


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## Country Apple (Nov 7, 2010)

Glad to hear your in counciling. It helps to deal with issues. Your right you can't change someone else and that can be so hard to deal with when you are trying so hard.


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

well yet another night has gone by without my wife here. She's been sick and i've always taken care of her when she's been sick, but she's staying at her cousins house tonight (apparently they are all sick) so that hurts a bit. There are many times I want to just give up on the whole thing, go far away and just be someone else, wherever that may be. This is just one of those times. Is there really someone else out there that I could get along better with? Is there someone else that might like the things I do more than what she does? Even if the answer is yes to both I took vows and things can be worked through.... I am very confused right now.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

guitarist30 said:


> well yet another night has gone by without my wife here. She's been sick and i've always taken care of her when she's been sick, but she's staying at her cousins house tonight (apparently they are all sick) so that hurts a bit. There are many times I want to just give up on the whole thing, go far away and just be someone else, wherever that may be. This is just one of those times. Is there really someone else out there that I could get along better with? Is there someone else that might like the things I do more than what she does? Even if the answer is yes to both I took vows and things can be worked through.... I am very confused right now.


Maybe if you could tell us something about the problems you guys are having we can be more specific with our answers.....


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

the problem is that I take things to extremes... we got married, moved in with my Mother which is hard enough and then have 5 dogs between the 2 of us. This already put an immense amount of stress on us both... every morning it would be "the dogs need to go out" or "the dogs are barking their heads off!" and it's being yelled across the house... so we both get up in bad moods I honestly think that's if not half 35% of the problem. 

Then sometimes my wife says something snippy to me and instead of me just saying what she would prefer like "that was really rude" or something to that nature... I would fly off the handle, get mad and go in the other room, punch something, kick something, throw something etc. We never got the chance to live as a real married couple. We had plans to build a home and were right on the verge of it when I got mad about something and put my fist through the bedroom door and told her to just go ahead and leave since she left once already (we dated years ago and she broke up with me, different reason though).


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

guitarist30 said:


> the problem is that I take things to extremes... we got married, moved in with my Mother which is hard enough and then have 5 dogs between the 2 of us. This already put an immense amount of stress on us both... every morning it would be "the dogs need to go out" or "the dogs are barking their heads off!" and it's being yelled across the house... so we both get up in bad moods I honestly think that's if not half 35% of the problem.
> 
> Then sometimes my wife says something snippy to me and instead of me just saying what she would prefer like "that was really rude" or something to that nature... I would fly off the handle, get mad and go in the other room, punch something, kick something, throw something etc. We never got the chance to live as a real married couple. We had plans to build a home and were right on the verge of it when I got mad about something and put my fist through the bedroom door and told her to just go ahead and leave since she left once already (we dated years ago and she broke up with me, different reason though).


Well....first of all I suggest you should look into anger management classes.....this might help you control your reactions to situations with your wife.....

Then....would it be possible for you to get your own apartment ???

If she sees you working on your anger issues and the outlook of living in her own home rather than with mom.....maybe she'll give you another chance ?!?!


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> Well....first of all I suggest you should look into anger management classes.....this might help you control your reactions to situations with your wife.....
> 
> Then....would it be possible for you to get your own apartment ???
> 
> If she sees you working on your anger issues and the outlook of living in her own home rather than with mom.....maybe she'll give you another chance ?!?!


I have looked into small homes and such... I can't rent (have a pitbull and a few other dogs) so it would have to just be a very small home. I can't afford much, as I am on disability for panic and anxiety disorder. I would have to just try to get a part time job or something. Anger management classes I have looked into, there aren't many around here to be honest, so i've been emailing different places to try to find one.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

guitarist30 said:


> I have looked into small homes and such... I can't rent (have a pitbull and a few other dogs) so it would have to just be a very small home. I can't afford much, as I am on disability for panic and anxiety disorder. I would have to just try to get a part time job or something. Anger management classes I have looked into, there aren't many around here to be honest, so i've been emailing different places to try to find one.


Ok...are you on medication and therapy for it ???

I'd imagine it being hard to work with panic and anxiety attacks....

But if you do have it under control then...heck yes, get a job and get a house.....

Show her you care !!!!

I missed my chance to show I care....don't miss yours !!!!!


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> Ok...are you on medication and therapy for it ???
> 
> I'd imagine it being hard to work with panic and anxiety attacks....
> 
> ...


I am trying my best. I have my panic and such under pretty good control... like it doesn't affect my life as much.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

guitarist30 said:


> I am trying my best. I have my panic and such under pretty good control... like it doesn't affect my life as much.


Then get crackin' ....as long as no papers have been filed yet, you still have a chance :smthumbup: !!!!


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## guitarist30 (Nov 10, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> Then get crackin' ....as long as no papers have been filed yet, you still have a chance :smthumbup: !!!!


I filed separation papers. She was gone for 2 weeks without even a phone call... I did what I felt she was going to do at some point.... but oh well, you never know what will happen.


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