# How Long?



## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I'm hurting so much. Please tell me how long its taken you to get past the hurt enough to move on? Do you begin to forget the pain? Did you get past it enough to maintain some normalacy in your life again?
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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

My pain was mostly anger and was mostly while I was trying to "fix" things. That went on for about 2 years.

Then - we spent the last year kind of letting it die a slow death.

Been officially divorced as of Feb 2nd - still have plenty of "lonely/bad" days even though it's been over for about a year. But - I do think it's slowly getting better...

Hang in there...
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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Every day I think to myself, today you can accept what has happened, it is real, and it opens new possibilities. Better relationships, better care of myself and my children. I am not ready for forgiveness, I hope it comes, but I can do acceptance. That doesn't mean I don't still want to call him, text him, see him, touch him. But it helps me to see there is no good to come from doing any of that. Hope it helps. My D won't be final til the middle of May or so, but that is just a formality


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Going from a daily routine of depression from a deep loss, feeling rejected, humiliated, scatterbrained, confused, deeply hurt, crying at random moments, not wanting to get out of bed, and that morphing into a deep resentment and bitterness towards my exwife that literally consumed every waking moment.....

To enjoying walking into MY house, sitting on MY recliner and cracking a beer, (when Im on my own), to sitting with my daughter after work and doing homework with her on a one on one basis, making bbq pork ribs and taking them over to a friends house where the kid and I get to spend time with friends of ours, realizing that my life does not have to revolve around my ex anymore, that I have been given the go ahead to focus on myself now, and yes, I have had some happy days. 

for me this period of time has been about six months. I honestly feel a difference and realize I am not centered on that "event" constantly. It feels like moving on. I expect to relapse often, but I feel a difference now, I feel happier, by a LOT..
Give it its due time to heal and experience that hurt, to get it out and rid yourself of it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Twenty one years. Now another twenty-one to go.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Well, it took me a good 6 months from the time he wanted the divorce for me to feel like I could function. It's been something like 10 months now and that hollowness in my gut feels less hollow, not completely gone, just not as painful. I have reached acceptance now, and have moved on with my life. So give it time. It does get better. I was one of the people that asked that same question at first because it feels like you can never feel good again. But the good days start to overtake the bad ones, and you do heal. I don't know how long it takes to completely heal, but I'm on the way.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I'm not divorced, I'm separated and my husband and I still are in each other's lives but to get over all the pain and bitterness and come to terms with what happened took well over a year. 

Don't date anyone until you are over him. Do yourself and anyone you might meet and think about dating that favor because it won't make it any easier.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I'm not divorced, I'm separated and my husband and I still are in each other's lives but to get over all the pain and bitterness and come to terms with what happened took well over a year.
> 
> Don't date anyone until you are over him. Do yourself and anyone you might meet and think about dating that favor because it won't make it any easier.


Can i ask if infidelity was involved? Do you think you'll reconcil eventually? Its been 13 months separated. He plans to see the divorcethrough but I'm as messed up as when he first left.

Great advice....it only complicates things more to involve someone else. I need to get myself together and learn to overcome what happened in my 22 year relationship first.
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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Going from a daily routine of depression from a deep loss, feeling rejected, humiliated, scatterbrained, confused, deeply hurt, crying at random moments, not wanting to get out of bed, and that morphing into a deep resentment and bitterness towards my exwife that literally consumed every waking moment.....
> 
> To enjoying walking into MY house, sitting on MY recliner and cracking a beer, (when Im on my own), to sitting with my daughter after work and doing homework with her on a one on one basis, making bbq pork ribs and taking them over to a friends house where the kid and I get to spend time with friends of ours, realizing that my life does not have to revolve around my ex anymore, that I have been given the go ahead to focus on myself now, and yes, I have had some happy days.
> 
> ...


That sounds pretty much my daily routine. I hope it gets easier like you are experiencing. 

Thank you for sharing all that.
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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

WomanScorned said:


> Well, it took me a good 6 months from the time he wanted the divorce for me to feel like I could function. It's been something like 10 months now and that hollowness in my gut feels less hollow, not completely gone, just not as painful. I have reached acceptance now, and have moved on with my life. So give it time. It does get better. I was one of the people that asked that same question at first because it feels like you can never feel good again. But the good days start to overtake the bad ones, and you do heal. I don't know how long it takes to completely heal, but I'm on the way.


Thank you for sharing that. Feeling hollow describes it well. Its been 13 months and I'm still a mess. I hope the warmer weather brings some changes for me.
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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

madaboutlove said:


> Every day I think to myself, today you can accept what has happened, it is real, and it opens new possibilities. Better relationships, better care of myself and my children. I am not ready for forgiveness, I hope it comes, but I can do acceptance. That doesn't mean I don't still want to call him, text him, see him, touch him. But it helps me to see there is no good to come from doing any of that. Hope it helps. My D won't be final til the middle of May or so, but that is just a formality


You are right....I'm realizing that it doesn't matter how I feel when its not reciprocated. It just makes things worse. There is no good to come from it....only more hurt.
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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Going from a daily routine of depression from a deep loss, feeling rejected, humiliated, scatterbrained, confused, deeply hurt, crying at random moments, not wanting to get out of bed, and that morphing into a deep resentment and bitterness towards my exwife that literally consumed every waking moment.....
> 
> To enjoying walking into MY house, sitting on MY recliner and cracking a beer, (when Im on my own), to sitting with my daughter after work and doing homework with her on a one on one basis, making bbq pork ribs and taking them over to a friends house where the kid and I get to spend time with friends of ours, realizing that my life does not have to revolve around my ex anymore, that I have been given the go ahead to focus on myself now, and yes, I have had some happy days.
> 
> ...


I've reread your post over and over this morning. Knowing I'm not alone and it gets better for some gives me hope.
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## carol (Mar 8, 2011)

We all go through all the stages of grief and some of us take longer than others. There is no set time frame. You don't forget the pain, you learn to live with it until it goes away. And it will go away. Let the emotions in and then let them go. One day at a time. 

This might help: Divorce | Carol Ferguson



sadwithouthim said:


> I'm hurting so much. Please tell me how long its taken you to get past the hurt enough to move on? Do you begin to forget the pain? Did you get past it enough to maintain some normalacy in your life again?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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