# pregnant and husband is checking out



## hannahmaria (Feb 7, 2018)

Please, I need urgent help...
My husband and I are together since two year and married since only 4 month.
When we met, everything was great, and he knew instantly that i will be the woman he wants to marry.
My husband has been very loyal with me and also with his ex relationships. 
We both got cheated on and left before, and we both agreed that we would never do that.
Now I am pregnant with our first child (planned from both), and i am expecting to delivering in the next three weeks.
My Husband got more and more distant from me the last weeks, he works a lot and is down most of the time (depressed).
He is crying a lot and is very unhappy and confused, so after talking to him for days he admited he feels bad cous he is hurting me.
I found out that he has a deeper connection with a girl from his work, they both talk a lot. There seems to be attraction from both sides.
This girl represents everything I am not : Light, very young (18), free, same humor. 
But whenever I asked him if he doesnt love me anymore, he explains me that he loves me more than anyone else and always will. He doesnt want to live
without me or dissapoint me, he also wants to be a good dad, and he is NOT scared or worried about the baby comming, even Iassumed this is the case and reason he is freaking out. He got anxiety/panic and his moods are changing fast within a day. 
On top of that, I found out that he is very unhappy in his life and situation, he wishes he would be free and travel arround, move somewhere else. I am not sure if he sees that with me, as everytime i get another response. When i tell him we can move away, he just says sometimes he cant explain me or he would hurt me and he doesnt want too. And he also said, that a lot of this things he wants to do alone.
He said he has too much things in his head right now and is confused and he doesnt understand what is happening...
I tried different ways in approaching this problem. In a loving way, showing him affection, beeing mad and fighting till telling him maybe i should leave or you if you dont want all of this. His reply is always he loves me and this is not what he wants.
I am having a hard time to deal with all of this and even though he said today, that he doesnt understand why he is how he is, and if we can just stop this and go back to how we were before, i doubt that this is happening.
What can I do?
Ps: He is a wonderful person and never acted badly towards me. I am trying to understand if this is some type of cold feet situation, or if i am just blind.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

hannahmaria said:


> But whenever I asked him if he doesnt love me anymore, he explains me that he loves me more than anyone else and always will. He doesnt want to live
> without me or dissapoint me, he also wants to be a good dad, and he is NOT scared or worried about the baby comming, even Iassumed this is the case and reason he is freaking out. He got anxiety/panic and his moods are changing fast within a day.


My guess is that he's lying. He could be just lying to you or lying to himself also. He worried about becoming a domesticated family guy/father. I'd put money on that no matter what he's telling you.

Also him socializing with some young gal at work is a recipe for disaster. He shouldn't be doing that.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

hannahmaria said:


> Please, I need urgent help...
> My husband and I are together since two year and married since only 4 month.
> When we met, everything was great, and he knew instantly that i will be the woman he wants to marry.
> My husband has been very loyal with me and also with his ex relationships.
> ...


The oncoming role of being a Father with responsibility + the new girl + the distance from him are all intertwined. How did you find out about the 18 year old? Where there's smoke there's fire.


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## hannahmaria (Feb 7, 2018)

Rhubarb said:


> My guess is that he's lying. He could be just lying to you or lying to himself also. He worried about becoming a domesticated family guy/father. I'd put money on that no matter what he's telling you.
> 
> Also him socializing with some young gal at work is a recipe for disaster. He shouldn't be doing that.


Lying about which part? Thank you for your reply.


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## hannahmaria (Feb 7, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> The oncoming role of being a Father with responsibility + the new girl + the distance from him are all intertwined. How did you find out about the 18 year old? Where there's smoke there's fire.


can I ask you what exactly you mean by the last sentence?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

hannahmaria said:


> What can I do?
> Ps: He is a wonderful person and never acted badly towards me. I am trying to understand if this is some type of cold feet situation, or if i am just blind.


How old are you and your husband?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Cheaters, when caught, will only admit to the least offensive thing you can prove. But cheaters lie. Because the new girl is a DRUG. Being around her releases chemicals in his brain that make him feel 'high' and he comes to need it more and more. It will not stop unless he quits that job or she does. 

So if he says he only talked, he really kissed. If he says they only kissed, they really made out. If he says they only made out, they were naked. If he says they only were naked together, they really had sex. So don't believe a word he says now.

YOUR job right now is to be immediately FIRM and CLEAR - you will NOT share your husband. He is free to keep seeing her, but doing so will lose YOU. So it's his choice - stay married or contact this girl again.

And if he refuses to stop seeing her, you IMMEDIATELY call all his close family, his best friends, his priest, and tell them he is cheating on you and you need their help getting him to stop.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

hannahmaria said:


> can I ask you what exactly you mean by the last sentence?


Meaning the smoke is what you know and what you are stressing about with the year old. What you don't know is the fire, which means there's probably a lot more going on there and I would have to guess that this situation is attributing to the distance from him.

Now not sure what order it came in but he either;

Got scared about being a father and the responsibility and the things that come with it, then delved into the situation with an extra relationship OR he got into the relationship (emotional or more) and then started his cold and distant behavior.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I am sorry to say that I completely agree that your husband is lying. Whatever is going on with this other woman....he is thinking about it all the time. As someone said, she is a drug. His moods swing because he wants the drug, but knows it will hurt you. I think he keeps saying he will hurt you because he wants the drug. You probably interrupt his thoughts if her or his thoughts of being "free" and this aggitates him. 

You have to draw a hard line now, otherwise it will drag on to who knows what conclusion.

Btw, my husband of 20 years told me how much he loved me and always loved me while he was boffing another woman. Few people lie more or as smoothly as a cheater. I never saw him lose his temper in 20 years, but when he started chasing other women....whew, he was nasty and manipulative.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Sounds like he cheated with this young girl, and is afraid to tell you so he is coming up with all this stuff or he wants to leave you for her and does not have the balls to tell the truth. There is a lot of lying going on from him side, maybe suggest marriage counseling to get to the bottom of it.


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