# The power of sex



## Holland

I am interested in hearing from other women that are OK with and enjoy holding a certain type of power over their man that is created by sex. I am not talking about controlling or manipulating a man to do or give you something you want.
I am talking about knowing just how much power you have and using it for the good of your relationship.

Yes I love sex, I especially love sex with my partner but I also get a thrill from turning him on, a big power buzz that just keeps feeding the loop.

Do others feel like this?


----------



## Marriedwithdogs

I do like the fact that after 20 yrs of marriage my husband still lusts and chases me the same as when we first met. Always telling me how I turn him on and how I still "got it".That's one thing he gets an A+ on. Oh yea on the power issue;

I do like playfully teasing him. For instance when I put my yoga pants on right before the gym,or I put a little black skirt on before date night. I sensually shake my butt, or slowly bend down to the floor while rolling my arse up in the air. We both know we can't have sex then and there, (of course he wouldnt turn it down if I jumped in the bed)but driving him wild I guess in a sense is using and controlling my sexual power.


----------



## Anon Pink

Hmmmm, I don't think I've felt this power. Or maybe I've missed some response or reaction from my H. Or perhaps I'm too focused on what I feel to be able to notice what he might be feeling?

Can you talk more about this? Like how do you sense this power, where does it come from, what are the components? Is this a reciprocal feedback kind of thing? Is this power based on his feedback, obvious and subtle? Tell me more!


----------



## Anon Pink

FrenchFry said:


> This is something that I'm tapping into and it's a lot of fun!
> 
> I absolutely think is based on feedback. Like there are certain things I wear that I can see my husband literally melt from across the room. Putting them on, I know what that reaction will be and that in itself is a reason to do it.



Aha! Okay that reaction is not something I've seen but maybe a handful of times in our whole marriage.


----------



## norajane

Interesting discussion! 

What form does this "feeling" of power take? Can you describe how it feels?

I know I have an ability to turn him on, and I do tease and tempt and play on purpose for that reason, but I am not sure that I feel it as _power_...it's fun and it makes me feel sexy. I'm not sure I'm experiencing that as power. Or am I?


----------



## just got it 55

Well Ladies I think the correct choice of word would be

Empowerment of sex

Feeling power would diminish the act

Great sex is empowering 

My wife skills as a lover are devastatingly great 

I get what your saying though

Cause from time to time my wife gets this text

"Anything you want sweetie Any thing you want


----------



## Marriedwithdogs

norajane said:


> Interesting discussion!
> 
> What form does this "feeling" of power take? Can you describe how it feels?
> 
> I know I have an ability to turn him on, and I do tease and tempt and play on purpose for that reason, but I am not sure that I feel it as _power_...it's fun and it makes me feel sexy. I'm not sure I'm experiencing that as power. Or am I?


Being able to rev up their engine from 0-60 in just a matter of seconds is quite powerful.


----------



## Married but Happy

For my wife, no doubt she feels empowered, but I think for her it's more satisfaction that she has such an effect on me. There is no hint of control. It's a mutual satisfaction having such ability to please each other. Now, with my FWB it really is more of a power trip - she's said so. She gets off on having the ability to control my sexual response, but it's all for the good - there are no manipulative elements involved. So, two different women with somewhat different takes, but essentially the same end result.


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening all
I think there is a big difference between "play" power and "real" power. A feeling of power in controlling your partners sexual response as part of a healthy intimate relationship is fine and fun. That is very different from using sex to "control" someone outside of the bedroom which I think is never acceptable.


----------



## Holland

OK notice I stated clearly that this power is for good not evil. Manipulation is not part of the power game for me personally. 

Mr H has an ex that is the uber manipulator but she uses their kids to do so, bad, bad and extra bad behaviour.

What I am talking about is the fun part of the power trip. OK so I get off on it, that sits well with me. Maybe because we have a reasonably balance relationship in terms of who does what around the house, financially equal etc or because games that are designed to get control of another are not my thing, then I can distinguish very well between power as a manipulation tool and power as a buzz feed.

It is like FF said, I know full well when I wear certain things or do certain things that he is going to lose his train of thought and be at ny beck and call. I can tease the hell out of him and make him weak at the knees. I get a thrill out of teasing him on knowing full well that the pay off has to wait maybe a few hours till we can actually engage in sex. It is like an electric buzz that goes through my body knowing that his mind has now been warped by the thought of sex later that day/night, so much so that he has to put effort into re focusing at what it is he should be doing right now.


----------



## Marriedwithdogs

Holland said:


> OK notice I stated clearly that this power is for good not evil. Manipulation is not part of the power game for me personally.
> 
> Mr H has an ex that is the uber manipulator but she uses their kids to do so, bad, bad and extra bad behaviour.
> 
> What I am talking about is the fun part of the power trip. OK so I get off on it, that sits well with me. Maybe because we have a reasonably balance relationship in terms of who does what around the house, financially equal etc or because games that are designed to get control of another are not my thing, then I can distinguish very well between power as a manipulation tool and power as a buzz feed.
> 
> It is like FF said, I know full well when I wear certain things or do certain things that he is going to lose his train of thought and be at ny beck and call. I can tease the hell out of him and make him weak at the knees. I get a thrill out of teasing him on knowing full well that the pay off has to wait maybe a few hours till we can actually engage in sex. It is like an electric buzz that goes through my body knowing that his mind has now been warped by the thought of sex later that day/night, so much so that he has to put effort into re focusing at what it is he should be doing right now.


Sums it up for me too. I don't know why it turned into explaining the differences ( as you already pointed out it wasn't the manipulative kind of power) between manipulative and non manipulative. If our hubbies didn't react that way, that rush would not exist. Even if the word "power" isn't the word someone else wouldn't use, you spelled out perfectly what you meant. I "got it".


----------



## Zouz

Sorry , though it was men to get female responses...


I wish I know what u are all talking about .

mine never danced with me or for me , if an act makes me turned on , she won't do it ...
never given BJ , never cared ,vanila , duty sex is the only allowed intimacy , I wish she just let me make her happy , in a way other than accept to make services.


I am torn to death ; we don't even talk ,she sends me a shopping list for goods she needs for the kids; I asked her for this because I no longer can stand the way she rage at me for silly things ; the rage is not a problem if she would calm in down in an hour or even in a day or two . 

One time after we had great time for couple of days, and then puff ; twelve days not a single word !
for what , I dared to give an opinion about religion to my teen different than her ; no arguments was there ; only my opinion was different !

Venus shine 

to those who enjoys bringing your hubs happy ; are normal creatures, beautifull creatures;charming to death .


----------



## Zouz

I hope at least nobody will be accusing me that I am sowing what I seeded...

I am only venting , may be my anger would go low....


----------



## jld

I don't feel sexually powerful at all with my husband. He is very self-controlled.

If anything, I feel like he has way more influence over me that way, because I am always wanting to be close to him.


----------



## Marriedwithdogs

My hubby is always in control too,and the dominant one in the bedroom. That could be a reason it makes me feel powerful bc I'm in control of something for once.


----------



## askari

Our achilles heel is sex. You make us feel wanted, needed and give us (and get back) awesome sex then we will be like putty in your hands. We will do anything for you.
Sex to us is VERY important.

Deny us (willing) sex all you will do is make us frustrated and start moving away from you.

'You' might want the cuddles, hand holding, flowers, romatic dinners etc to feel loved and wanted...all we need is...sex. Simple.


----------



## Holland

Askari I have to say that my partner is a more romantic person than I am. Yes I love flowers, dinners out etc but he is the one that has shown me how wonderful a life with romance can be.


----------



## always_alone

There's power in sex?

Seriously, though, I have seen some women wield this, expertly wrapping men around their little fingers. But other than conning a couple of free drinks here and there, this power has entirely eluded me.

Seems to me that the one who is least interested in actually having sex is the one who exercises the most power through it.


----------



## jld

always_alone said:


> There's power in sex?
> 
> Seriously, though, I have seen some women wield this, expertly wrapping men around their little fingers. But other than conning a couple of free drinks here and there, this power has entirely eluded me.


I hear you. It has eluded me, too. 

My sister has always attracted men like crazy. Always some guy interested in her. 

From what I observe, she is always stroking their egos. Making them feel better about themselves. And they lap it up.


----------



## Marriedwithdogs

I think men have power in other ways, or like the feeling of being in power. It could be along the lines of always being the dominant one, or at the other end of the spectrum (rape) which I'm sure no man here has done.


----------



## samyeagar

Thinking about the dynamic between my wife and I, it's difficult to put into words. I have never been so completely attracted to another woman in every way as I am her. I am also a very self controlled person. My wife does have this kind of power over me in that I make a conscious choice to let go of my self control. Essentially, she has this power because I willingly give it to her...if that makes any sense.


----------



## jld

Whenever people have power over us, it is because we have given it to them.


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> Whenever people have power over us, it is because we have given it to them.


Absolutely. The thing is, soooo many people just don't understand that.


----------



## always_alone

jld said:


> From what I observe, she is always stroking their egos. Making them feel better about themselves. And they lap it up.


Yes, I've observed this too. One friend of mine, eg, is absolutely expert in eyelash batting and oohing things like, "you big strong man you". Men *love* her.

Just not for me, I'm afraid.


----------



## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> Yes, I've observed this too. One friend of mine, eg, is absolutely expert in eyelash batting and oohing things like, "you big strong man you". Men *love* her.
> 
> Just not for me, I'm afraid.


And it's not just men who fall for it...women do too...all the time.


----------



## Fozzy

I think there's a difference between the sexual power being discussed originally in this thread and sexual manipulation, which is what you're describing with the eyelash batting and drink conning. One is based on mutual sexuality between two people and the ability to rev them up at will, while the other is based on just using another person.


----------



## jld

always_alone said:


> Yes, I've observed this too. One friend of mine, eg, is absolutely expert in eyelash batting and oohing things like, "you big strong man you". Men *love* her.
> 
> Just not for me, I'm afraid.


She always says men are really weak, and from her experience, I can see why. 

I don't see men that way. Or if they are weak, they can become strong. Okay, maybe not all of them. But I have to believe that most men, if they commit to total honesty with themselves, set their pride aside, and start acting according to solid principles, can indeed become strong.

But undoubtedly they would tell me they already are.


----------



## Jellybeans

FrenchFry said:


> This is something that I'm tapping into and it's a lot of fun!
> 
> I absolutely think is based on feedbac*k. Like there are certain things I wear that I can see my husband literally melt from across the room*. Putting them on, I know what that reaction will be and that in itself is a reason to do it.


Dis right here doe.

:smthumbup:

LOL. But seriously, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. F0cking awesome.

Nothing hotter than you noticing a man is noticing you. "I noticed you noticing me." It's in the eyes. And the reaction. It is SO hot.


----------



## Holland

Fozzy said:


> I think there's a difference between the sexual power being discussed originally in this thread and sexual manipulation, which is what you're describing with the eyelash batting and drink conning. One is based on mutual sexuality between two people and the ability to rev them up at will, while the other is based on just using another person.


Yes this 

The OP is about a fun, intoxicating power that is within a solid relationship.

The other type of female power is nothing special, it is simply being a woman that is looking for sex and that ain't hard to find.


----------



## always_alone

Holland said:


> Yes this
> 
> The OP is about a fun, intoxicating power that is within a solid relationship.


Oh, sorry Holland, my bad. But change the context and this power eludes me.

Me: You don't even notice if I put on sexy clothes for you.
Him: You've dressed sexy? When?

:slap: Well I certainly don't bother anymore.


----------



## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> Oh, sorry Holland, my bad. But change the context and this power eludes me.
> 
> Me: You don't even notice if I put on sexy clothes or you.
> Him: You've dressed sexy? When?
> 
> :slap: Well I certainly don't bother anymore.


I can relate to this...


----------



## Holland

samyeagar said:


> I can relate to this...


Same, but in my past life, not now.


----------



## MEM2020

I'm absolutely certain this is a huge driver of M2's behavior.

And 99.9 percent of the time it's a positive motivator for her. 




Holland said:


> Yes this
> 
> The OP is about a fun, intoxicating power that is within a solid relationship.
> 
> The other type of female power is nothing special, it is simply being a woman that is looking for sex and that ain't hard to find.


----------



## Holland

MEM I like the concept of it being a positive motivator, a continuous loop of energy that feeds the relationship.

Mr H is a big, strong man, he can make his own decisions about how he lives his life. This power/ energy for me though is a positive power loop, it feeds my desire and with such positive feedback I then have more confidence to put more into my seducing and drive for him.

There is nothing bad or untoward about it, simply a way that I like to be turned on and it plays right into how he likes to be turned on, win/win.

You know my history, this is like being born again. In my past marriage this desire to have some sexual power was a disaster and put me into such a head spin because it was not the dynamic that the ex was into or could even recognise. Now I feel free, he knows how much I need to feel free and we both benefit from what is proving to be great compatibility.


----------



## MEM2020

Holland,

Your ex - was broken in this area. Your current H loves AND desires you. 

And FWIW - when M2 is highly sexual with me over a period of a few days to a week my T levels RISE. I can feel the difference. I'm stronger - my workouts are different - better. My recovery times are shorter. 






Holland said:


> MEM I like the concept of it being a positive motivator, a continuous loop of energy that feeds the relationship.
> 
> Mr H is a big, strong man, he can make his own decisions about how he lives his life. This power/ energy for me though is a positive power loop, it feeds my desire and with such positive feedback I then have more confidence to put more into my seducing and drive for him.
> 
> There is nothing bad or untoward about it, simply a way that I like to be turned on and it plays right into how he likes to be turned on, win/win.
> 
> You know my history, this is like being born again. In my past marriage this desire to have some sexual power was a disaster and put me into such a head spin because it was not the dynamic that the ex was into or could even recognise. Now I feel free, he knows how much I need to feel free and we both benefit from what is proving to be great compatibility.


----------



## Married but Happy

always_alone said:


> Me: You don't even notice if I put on sexy clothes for you.
> Him: You've dressed sexy? When?
> 
> :slap: Well I certainly don't bother anymore.


Ouch. Maybe if there'd been a stripper pole in the room he'd have made the connection. Maybe! Some may need the blatantly obvious to see it.


----------



## Fozzy

intheory said:


> No, I do not have this power. Especially nowadays.
> 
> When we were younger, he certainly wanted sex a lot. But I always felt flattered and special to have sex with him, because of his looks. Sometimes I felt I could have had the pillow over my face. When we were first together we would have what I thought of as "gynecologist sex". He would spend quite a bit of time during sex "down there", looking and prying and prodding. It was fine, sometimes fun; but I never felt powerful -- I mean my parts can't be that much different than any other woman's?
> 
> I'm not what he really wants. Not _really_. The physical attraction was always more on my side.


I think Holland alluded to this somewhat with her experience with her ex. Just because your spouse isn't receptive to it, doesn't mean you don't have that power. He's just not tuned in. The transmitter isn't broken, the antenna is.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Holland said:


> *I am interested in hearing from other women that are OK with and enjoy holding a certain type of power over their man that is created by sex*.* I am not talking about controlling or manipulating a man to do or give you something you want.
> I am talking about knowing just how much power you have and using it for the good of your relationship.*
> 
> *Yes I love sex, I especially love sex with my partner but I also get a thrill from turning him on, a big power buzz that just keeps feeding the loop.
> 
> Do others feel like this?*





Holland said:


> MEM* I like the concept of it being a positive motivator, a continuous loop of energy that feeds the relationship.*
> 
> Mr H is a big, strong man, he can make his own decisions about how he lives his life. *This power/ energy for me though is a positive power loop, it feeds my desire and with such positive feedback I then have more confidence to put more into my seducing and drive for him.*
> 
> There is nothing bad or untoward about it, simply a way that I like to be turned on and it plays right into how he likes to be turned on, win/win.
> 
> You know my history, this is like being born again. In my past marriage this desire to have some sexual power was a disaster and put me into such a head spin because it was not the dynamic that the ex was into or could even recognise.* Now I feel free, he knows how much I need to feel free and we both benefit from what is proving to be great compatibility*.


I relate to *the spirit *of your posts here... our partner is so much a part of this "rapture" of sorts...he's the inspiration behind our enthusiasm, that sets us on "high"..... 

For a time I was LIVING THIS ....When I 1st landed here on this forum....I was questioning my H's desire.. you all know my insatiable story....I was pushing HIS LIMITS..... I had a choice to wallow in worry that he's slowing down (getting older & all)....."woe is me"... or shake things up... and see if I can bring that man to his knees wanting me- just as I was wanting him... 

If I felt I had no EFFECT on him (or very little)....to have my way with him...it would have KILLED something deep inside me...a feeling of "powerless-ness"... 

Instead I felt like a "cougar" just let out of a cage ... his being stirred by me.. ENERGIZED ME ....I'd meet him at the door dressed in lingerie -pull him upstairs. OH I was pretty OVERT at times... where some women are more subtle I guess... but I came to learn this intensifies *his* excitement...

It's like da**.... where was my head back in our early years.. I took THIS all for granted ! I needed kicked !


----------



## staarz21

My H gets turned on by anything with a vagina. I don't feel any power what so ever turning him on - because I know it's not something special. I am tainted though due to his excessive porn use. I just don't feel like it's anything special I've done. I am not unique. Just about any woman could turn him on.


----------



## samyeagar

staarz21 said:


> My H gets turned on by anything with a vagina. I don't feel any power what so ever turning him on - because I know it's not something special. I am tainted though due to his excessive porn use. I just don't feel like it's anything special I've done. I am not unique. Just about any woman could turn him on.


I can relate to these feelings as well...


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening staarz21
Does it make his desire for you seem less valuable because he desires other women as well? 

I think it is very rare for someone to really desire only their partner (though if I'm wrong others can comment). People with partners who meet all of their sexual needs may not feel attraction to others - but I suspect many people in that situation may not also be meeting all of THEIR partner's needs.

In the (all to common) HD/LD situation, the LD person is completely satisfied, their partner is always available, will do whatever they want. The HD partner is not satisfied, and finds themselves attracted to other people or to porn. 


I may be unfairly projecting here from my experience. If my wife satisfied my sexual desires, I would want no one else, would never want porn - but she does not. OTOH she is happy with me because I will do anything she wants whenever she wants so why should she want anyone else?

If you are always available to your husband and he still wants others, then I completely agree that you have a right to feel slighted.




staarz21 said:


> My H gets turned on by anything with a vagina. I don't feel any power what so ever turning him on - because I know it's not something special. I am tainted though due to his excessive porn use. I just don't feel like it's anything special I've done. I am not unique. Just about any woman could turn him on.


----------



## ladymisato

staarz21 said:


> My H gets turned on by anything with a vagina. I don't feel any power what so ever turning him on - because I know it's not something special. I am tainted though due to his excessive porn use. I just don't feel like it's anything special I've done. I am not unique. Just about any woman could turn him on.


This is so very, very sad.

It's certainly true that men are often not as discriminating as we'd like them to be. And porn is certainly a big part of that problem.

I hope that you won't give up.


----------



## ladymisato

Holland said:


> Do others feel like this?


Absolutely, yes!


----------



## staarz21

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening staarz21
> Does it make his desire for you seem less valuable because he desires other women as well?
> 
> I think it is very rare for someone to really desire only their partner (though if I'm wrong others can comment). People with partners who meet all of their sexual needs may not feel attraction to others - but I suspect many people in that situation may not also be meeting all of THEIR partner's needs.
> 
> In the (all to common) HD/LD situation, the LD person is completely satisfied, their partner is always available, will do whatever they want. The HD partner is not satisfied, and finds themselves attracted to other people or to porn.
> 
> 
> I may be unfairly projecting here from my experience. If my wife satisfied my sexual desires, I would want no one else, would never want porn - but she does not. OTOH she is happy with me because I will do anything she wants whenever she wants so why should she want anyone else?
> 
> If you are always available to your husband and he still wants others, then I completely agree that you have a right to feel slighted.


I've never turned my H down for sex. Ever. I was the only one initiating. I was the one that came up with things to spice our sex life up. He wasn't that interested. I mean he was, but not any more so than when he would watch porn - or see a woman walk down the road. 

I have no doubts that people will desire others. I don't have the delusion that my H would want no one other than me. I know he will and does. 

I am just saying that I don't think me turning him on is powerful or gives me a feeling of power. As I've said, pretty much any woman could do that for him. 

I'm not saying it's a good or bad thing. I was only responding to the question from the OP. Nope. I don't feel powerful or unique.

ETA: If he's not getting his sexual needs met, that's on him. Not me. I've tried to talk to him until I am blue in the face, tried introducing new things, etc. he says he is happy. So, I did my part. The rest is on him. 

I am not getting my needs met by him either. He still ignores me when I talk. I will be looking right at him, say his name, he says "what?" and I ask something....he will sit there and not say a word back to me. This happens constantly. I just keep on doing what I was doing before. I don't even mention it to him anymore. If he's not interested...fine. I won't be either.


----------



## staarz21

intheory said:


> staarz21,
> 
> I "Liked" your comment, not because the situation you describe is "likable", (not by a long shot ), but because I've had similar feelings during my marriage.
> 
> And I remember seeing your photos in your workout duds in the Social Section. You are such a cutie.
> 
> And I believe you even had plastic surgery to try to please him.
> 
> It's not you, it's HIM!!!


Thank you! 

I did have a couple of surgeries. After my latest one, I realized it was him and not me. Since that surgery, he's been asking me why I am so distant. He got off knowing that I was always wanting him - but him barely giving me scraps. I think it was more of a power trip for him than anything. 

That all stopped the second I woke up from that surgery though.


----------



## ladymisato

staarz21 said:


> I've never turned my H down for sex. Ever. I was the only one initiating. I was the one that came up with things to spice our sex life up. He wasn't that interested. I mean he was, but not any more so than when he would watch porn - or see a woman walk down the road.
> 
> I have no doubts that people will desire others. I don't have the delusion that my H would want no one other than me. I know he will and does.
> 
> I am just saying that I don't think me turning him on is powerful or gives me a feeling of power. As I've said, pretty much any woman could do that for him.
> 
> I'm not saying it's a good or bad thing. I was only responding to the question from the OP. Nope. I don't feel powerful or unique.


What you are describing are the classic symptoms of porn addiction. You will never "feel the power" so long as you are competing with photographic images.


----------



## staarz21

ladymisato said:


> What you are describing are the classic symptoms of porn addiction. You will never "feel the power" so long as you are competing with photographic images.


It's all done with...for now. He's 5 months off of it - with constant monitoring. Maybe one day I will be able to feel the same way these other women feel. I'm sort of really jealous of them  Lucky ladies!


----------



## always_alone

I'm sorry to see that Holland (and others) aren't getting more fun and inspirational stories.

But, selfish as it is, I'm also kind of relieved to see I'm not the only one who feels this way ... I was rather starting to think there was something seriously wrong with me.


----------



## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> I'm sorry to see that Holland (and others) aren't getting more fun and inspirational stories.
> 
> But, selfish as it is, *I'm also kind of relieved to see I'm not the only one who feels this way ... I was rather starting to think there was something seriously wrong with me*.


And it's not just women who know these feelings.


----------



## Holland

always_alone said:


> I'm sorry to see that Holland (and others) aren't getting more fun and inspirational stories.
> 
> But, selfish as it is, I'm also kind of relieved to see I'm not the only one who feels this way ... I was rather starting to think there was something seriously wrong with me.


I guess it is the nature of this forum as more are here bc of problems, not bc they are happy. It is all good discussion.

My heart goes out to the people here that are pained by their relationships and sex lives, BTDT


----------



## SimplyAmorous

There is such a *power dynamic* ..it's not something talked about much, or that I have noticed reading on these forums.. It happens OFTEN outside of committed relationships... maybe even more so- and for more selfish reasons / ego stroking, instant gratification..

But when used for Good, for mutual satisfaction as Holland is attempting to explain .. it can be a wonderful enjoyment for a couple, upping the eroticism.... It was one of the 6 sexual views I laid out in my thread .. 

Copying & pasting here ....



> 5. Power View ~ Sexuality is a potent instrument for controlling others/ sex wields power". ... Sexual desire is the desire to possess another, while wanting to avoid being objectified by the other. One must be savvy to the potential for sexual exploitation, manipulation and violence (in it's rawest forms).
> 
> Sexuality is seen as "energy", as a force, Sexual interaction lays us bare & can strip us of control as we surrender to desire. Knowing oneself as a being who commands another’s sexual attention is invigorating / experiencing oneself as sexually attractive is enlivening. Yet this power is fragile & leaves you at the mercy of another's way of seeing - when I become a “sex object,” someone else decides whether I am valued, set aside, desired or dismissed.
> 
> In order to seize control & not be controlled, I need to objectify my sexual “partner” (in thought or by actions) before my sexual “partner” can objectify me... “Partner” becomes a misnomer because the mutuality of such encounters is mutual rivalry in a contest over power.
> 
> Self-Protection is vital here...one must enter into sexual relationships with one’s eyes wide open, savvy about the potential for exploitation & manipulation, taking care to preserve one’s own dignity by not being the victim of another’s conscious or unconscious exertions of power.


Interesting subject.. I am still trying to figure some of this out.. It speaks of objectifying.. but if one is in a romantic caring attached relationship with mutual pleasure as the primary focus...this cancels that out [email protected]# hmmmm.. it's deep .... Still somewhat murky for me!


----------



## MEM2020

This isn't complicated for me. 

There's all this core stuff about M2 that I love. 
- Controlled, low affect 
- Killer sense of humor and killer laugh 
- Strong enough to be painfully honest 
- Playful and adventurous 
- Responsbile, organized, determined
- Attractive and fit

And yeah - yeah - I love that she loves me also. And that's the amplifier. That she sees ME as special. 

So there's all that core stuff that's about HER. 

And then sex is the amplifier because over time, it's a non-counterfeitable demonstration that she loves you back. Anyone can fake a single encounter. But a normal person can't fake thousands of sexual experiences. 

M2 loving ME, makes me love her MORE. But only because I already love her. 

And while I might not be a 'center of the bell curve guy' in everything. I actually believe in this way I am the norm. 

Your man loves you, because he loves you. A good sex life is an amplifier because it's that unique way of showing that you love him.

And for men who lack a certain degree of self assurance - a bad sex life doesn't even cause them to love you less. It simply makes them miserable. 

BTW: I apologize if this reads in a sexist way. I'm describing this with certainty for one man, and with confidence for many men. I can not speak to how this feels for women because I don't understand how this all works for you. 

The only thing I will say on M2's behalf is that she gets THIS next bit completely. 
- I could easily find another partner who I find highly attractive and am sexually compatible with 
- Based on my extensive dating experience prior to marriage - it would be VERY HARD to find someone I love the way I love M2






SimplyAmorous said:


> There is such a *power dynamic* ..it's not something talked about much, or that I have noticed reading on these forums.. It happens OFTEN outside of committed relationships... maybe even more so- and for more selfish reasons / ego stroking, instant gratification..
> 
> But when used for Good, for mutual satisfaction as Holland is attempting to explain .. it can be a wonderful enjoyment for a couple, upping the eroticism.... It was one of the 6 sexual views I laid out in my thread ..
> 
> Copying & pasting here ....
> 
> 
> 
> Interesting subject.. I am still trying to figure some of this out.. It speaks of objectifying.. but if one is in a romantic caring attached relationship with mutual pleasure as the primary focus...this cancels that out [email protected]# hmmmm.. it's deep .... Still somewhat murky for me!


----------



## MEM2020

SA,

I'm certain M2 fully grasps that the amplifier effect makes me love her more and results in her having more marital power. She has always understood that. 

But she grasps this part of the dynamic also: 

Transactional sex is incredibly toxic in a marriage. 

When MEM says NO, it's either because he cannot or will not do something. That result: NO 
Happens when there is a very strong reason behind it. 

Trying to convert the NO to a yes with sex has never worked. 

And the rare attempts to do so have had painful consequences. 








SimplyAmorous said:


> There is such a *power dynamic* ..it's not something talked about much, or that I have noticed reading on these forums.. It happens OFTEN outside of committed relationships... maybe even more so- and for more selfish reasons / ego stroking, instant gratification..
> 
> But when used for Good, for mutual satisfaction as Holland is attempting to explain .. it can be a wonderful enjoyment for a couple, upping the eroticism.... It was one of the 6 sexual views I laid out in my thread . Copying & pasting here ....
> 
> 
> 
> Interesting subject.. I am still trying to figure some of this out.. It speaks of objectifying.. but if one is in a romantic caring attached relationship with mutual pleasure as the primary focus...this cancels that out [email protected]# hmmmm.. it's deep .... Still somewhat murky for me!


----------



## SimplyAmorous

MEM11363 said:


> SA,
> 
> I'm certain M2 fully grasps that the amplifier effect makes me love her more and results in her having more marital power. She has always understood that.
> 
> But she grasps this part of the dynamic also:
> 
> *Transactional sex is incredibly toxic in a marriage. *


I wasn't sure what that meant.. so I looked it up.....



> Transactional sex  .... sexual relationships where the giving of gifts or services is an important factor. Transactional sex relationships are distinct from prostitution, in that the exchange of gifts for sex includes a broader set of (usually non-marital) obligations that do not necessarily involve a predetermined payment or gift, but where there is a definite motivation to benefit materially from the sexual exchange .
> 
> Often the participants frame themselves not in terms of prostitutes/clients, but rather as girlfriends/boyfriends, or sugar babies/sugar daddies . Those offering sex may or may not feel affection for their partners.
> 
> In the western world, transactional sex occurs ubiquitously in the form of sex in exchange for rent, phones, clothes, drinks, drugs, grades, or school tuition, to name just a few examples.





MEM11363 said:


> *When MEM says NO, it's either because he cannot or will not do something. That result: NO
> Happens when there is a very strong reason behind it.
> 
> Trying to convert the NO to a yes with sex has never worked.
> 
> And the rare attempts to do so have had painful consequences.*


 this is one area you feel very VERY strong about ...I've noticed you mention it a # of times over the years....it's something I never really THOUGHT about until I read people speaking of it on this forum. 

Confession time.....In my "what was I thinking!" past... on a whim I have said stupid things like "If you do this I'll give you a BJ later" to my husband.... Shame shame I know MEM ! ... then to top this off .. I didn't even come through...or did a pitiful job - Bj's seemed taboo to me for many years ... 

Husband is sitting right here.. I just asked him. of course he remembers these stupid lines of mine in the past.. he said it never bothered him that I said those things.. just that I didn't really put it out like I said..yeah that was irritating -(we'd just get to our normal / normal).... But yeah.. he would have been very happy if I'd kept my word till the end!!! 

The sorry truth of the matter was.. I didn't realize how dumb these things were and HE NEVER called me out , got mad  & told me what for !... Yes, I know my H is crazy and was* far too lax* with me back in the day ... honestly I could scold him too ! 

Live & learn here...

TODAY... last 6 yrs.. any of my trying to get him for sex was for mutual pleasure (or I was just too horny- he didn't mind)...I made it very worth his while.. I can't even use those lines today.. for goodness sakes, he'd just laugh at me knowing I'd be pi$$ed if I couldn't do it!! 

But this TOPIC you bring up is a good one... that women DO USE sex to get what we want.. and sometimes it has nothing what so ever to do with mutual sharing & pleasure.. which could be hurtful to the man, with his wanting her authentic desire & devotion...... just another facet of "pity sex" one could say. (??) 



> *And while I might not be a 'center of the bell curve guy' in everything. I actually believe in this way I am the norm*.


 I am always lost with the bell curve talk myself. Machevelli is gone so he can't clarify jump in & explain..... some of us have out of the box taste anyway.. which is all well & good !


----------



## ladymisato

SimplyAmorous said:


> There is such a *power dynamic* ..it's not something talked about much, or that I have noticed reading on these forums.. It happens OFTEN outside of committed relationships... maybe even more so- and for more selfish reasons / ego stroking, instant gratification..
> 
> But when used for Good, for mutual satisfaction as Holland is attempting to explain .. it can be a wonderful enjoyment for a couple, upping the eroticism.... It was one of the 6 sexual views I laid out in my thread ..
> 
> Copying & pasting here ....
> 
> Interesting subject.. I am still trying to figure some of this out.. It speaks of objectifying.. but if one is in a romantic caring attached relationship with mutual pleasure as the primary focus...this cancels that out [email protected]# hmmmm.. it's deep .... Still somewhat murky for me!


The sexual power dynamic is very different within/without marriage. Nonmarried couples play with it but married couples can make it truly genuine. Everything is so different when your husband knows this is forever.


----------



## MEM2020

It's normal for there to be some of the dynamic. 

Some of it is harmless. After I would nail some home improvement or fixit job - M2 sometimes said: you are so getting a BJ tonight...

I just smiled. Took it as a generic compliment. I never got in bed and asked to 'collect'. It was like any other night to me. If we did - we did. If not, then not. 

But that's an 'after the fact' offer. 

As for 'before the fact' offer: If the man was going to do whatever it was anyway - not such a big deal. 

I do cringe when men in sex starved marriages talk about extortionate requests they granted - for nothing. 

Not because they didn't get laid. But because they don't grasp that a wife who loves and respects you simply doesn't behave like that....




SimplyAmorous said:


> I wasn't sure what that meant.. so I looked it up.....
> 
> 
> 
> this is one area you feel very VERY strong about ...I've noticed you mention it a # of times over the years....it's something I never really THOUGHT about until I read people speaking of it on this forum.
> 
> Confession time.....In my "what was I thinking!" past... on a whim I have said stupid things like "If you do this I'll give you a BJ later" to my husband.... Shame shame I know MEM ! ... then to top this off .. I didn't even come through...or did a pitiful job - Bj's seemed taboo to me for many years ...
> 
> Husband is sitting right here.. I just asked him. of course he remembers these stupid lines of mine in the past.. he said it never bothered him that I said those things.. just that I didn't really put it out like I said..yeah that was irritating -(we'd just get to our normal / normal).... But yeah.. he would have been very happy if I'd kept my word till the end!!!
> 
> The sorry truth of the matter was.. I didn't realize how dumb these things were and HE NEVER called me out , got mad  & told me what for !... Yes, I know my H is crazy and was* far too lax* with me back in the day ... honestly I could scold him too !
> 
> Live & learn here...
> 
> TODAY... last 6 yrs.. any of my trying to get him for sex was for mutual pleasure (or I was just too horny- he didn't mind)...I made it very worth his while.. I can't even use those lines today.. for goodness sakes, he'd just laugh at me knowing I'd be pi$$ed if I couldn't do it!!
> 
> But this TOPIC you bring up is a good one... that women DO USE sex to get what we want.. and sometimes it has nothing what so ever to do with mutual sharing & pleasure.. which could be hurtful to the man, with his wanting her authentic desire & devotion...... just another facet of "pity sex" one could say. (??)
> 
> I am always lost with the bell curve talk myself. Machevelli is gone so he can't clarify jump in & explain..... some of us have out of the box taste anyway.. which is all well & good !


----------



## MEM2020

SA,

As I've gotten more relaxed about stuff - M2 loves me MORE. Not less. 

Some nights I lay in bed and play 'old tapes'. I've got quite the memory. A few weeks ago I was doing that - I wanted to wake M2 up and apologize for being harsh - instead of patient. 

M2 desired me more then - but she loves me more now. I'll take now over then. 




SimplyAmorous said:


> I wasn't sure what that meant.. so I looked it up.....
> 
> 
> 
> this is one area you feel very VERY strong about ...I've noticed you mention it a # of times over the years....it's something I never really THOUGHT about until I read people speaking of it on this forum.
> 
> Confession time.....In my "what was I thinking!" past... on a whim I have said stupid things like "If you do this I'll give you a BJ later" to my husband.... Shame shame I know MEM ! ... then to top this off .. I didn't even come through...or did a pitiful job - Bj's seemed taboo to me for many years ...
> 
> Husband is sitting right here.. I just asked him. of course he remembers these stupid lines of mine in the past.. he said it never bothered him that I said those things.. just that I didn't really put it out like I said..yeah that was irritating -(we'd just get to our normal / normal).... But yeah.. he would have been very happy if I'd kept my word till the end!!!
> 
> The sorry truth of the matter was.. I didn't realize how dumb these things were and HE NEVER called me out , got mad  & told me what for !... Yes, I know my H is crazy and was* far too lax* with me back in the day ... honestly I could scold him too !
> 
> Live & learn here...
> 
> TODAY... last 6 yrs.. any of my trying to get him for sex was for mutual pleasure (or I was just too horny- he didn't mind)...I made it very worth his while.. I can't even use those lines today.. for goodness sakes, he'd just laugh at me knowing I'd be pi$$ed if I couldn't do it!!
> 
> But this TOPIC you bring up is a good one... that women DO USE sex to get what we want.. and sometimes it has nothing what so ever to do with mutual sharing & pleasure.. which could be hurtful to the man, with his wanting her authentic desire & devotion...... just another facet of "pity sex" one could say. (??)
> 
> I am always lost with the bell curve talk myself. Machevelli is gone so he can't clarify jump in & explain..... some of us have out of the box taste anyway.. which is all well & good !


----------



## SimplyAmorous

MEM11363 said:


> *SA,
> 
> As I've gotten more relaxed about stuff - M2 loves me MORE. Not less.
> 
> Some nights I lay in bed and play 'old tapes'. I've got quite the memory. A few weeks ago I was doing that - I wanted to wake M2 up and apologize for being harsh - instead of patient.
> 
> M2 desired me more then - but she loves me more now. I'll take now over then*.


Well they say as men get older , their Testosterone is slowly waning... and their estrogen goes up.. so this makes them 'softer" .. .

My H is the odd one...he was never really harsh....very patient / kind... so I figure he was just never High test.. not that we ever knew his numbers back then.. 

Though Hormone specialists would give this as some of the explanation... I seen the same thing happen with my Grandfather... he could be a bit of a "son of a B" back in the day.. but as he got older, that all went by the way side...much calmer. 

I know another older man, just talking to his wife the other day.. he hated Cats, would shoot them.. now in his 70's.. he's got this cat he calls "Turkey" (so funny)....he loves that little thing & I think he'd cry like a baby if something happened to it.... here the neighbor lady called him up over a kitten he found in her yard half frozen & this man took that kitten to the vet & paid $144 cause he felt bad for it.. He'd never do that in the past!

There is an explanation why you are getting softer.. really... and why you were THAT WAY when you were younger.. My H is the only one that doesn't make much sense.. or he just had more self control than the average guy or something....I don't know..

It would be helpful -just to understand why we act the way we do... I think women need to understand HIGH TESTOSTERONE LEVELS better in men - to give them some leeway on their high drives/ even some "attitude" in a moment ... (it's something they are not feeling, so they can't understand your reactions).... and likewise MEN need to understand the hormone fluctuations we go through with PMS....also the craziness of Mid life hormones /peri-menopause .... *We all need a little grace*.. 

But I think it's Great you had that conversation, apologizing for your lack of patience back in the day ...little things like that .. mean so much.


----------



## jld

MEM11363 said:


> SA,
> 
> As I've gotten more relaxed about stuff - M2 loves me MORE. Not less.
> 
> Some nights I lay in bed and play 'old tapes'. I've got quite the memory. A few weeks ago I was doing that - I wanted to wake M2 up and apologize for being harsh - instead of patient.
> 
> M2 desired me more then - but she loves me more now. I'll take now over then.


Very nice, MEM.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

intheory said:


> I agree with this.
> 
> *I think there was a thread a while ago, "If you could be a man for a day, ladies", or something like that.*
> 
> But I would like men to experience life on estrogen in the younger, non-menopausal years too. Then they'd understand the weepies and the emotional sensitivity and realize we're not just creating drama.










...Oh I missed THAT thread... darn it ! I really THINK I "get" men..in the HIGH Test thing....though I didn't grasp it until I feel I walked in those shoes....I was the MEAN women (add emotional on top of it)...who needed SEX NOW .. or I'd cause a ruckus. 

I did not handle even the thought of "rejection" well... 

I was very thankful I was a woman and not a man.. because I think I would have been one of those unbearable ones in my younger years. Yes, I know this sounds bad.. 

Thankfully for us all.. my H would rather me b*t** over wanting to get laid -over being a rejecting wife .. so he was half grinning with my insatiable reaching for him....he knew it could be worse.

His attitude during that time was amazing really.. I am ever grateful.


----------



## jld

I don't know. My husband makes being a man look pretty easy. Not a complainer. Very hard worker. Very positive attitude. Great respect for women, especially mothers.

I feel like a real slacker in comparison.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Hi Holland, and everyone...I have not been on the board for quite a bit but came back today to respond on this one...Holland, I totally get it.

It is hard to discuss the particular power you are talking about because it really sounds so arrogant or manipulative when you say it out loud. But it is actually natural, primal, and love-based. The feeling that comes with it is amazing but not egocentric. It hits you in your heart and gut, not your mind.

I was clueless about this power when I met my H. I knew there were some men who would "go gaga" over women, me included. But like others have mentioned, this never felt "special" to me, it just meant that humans find each other attractive.

I knew that some men were more attracted to me than others, and that when a man is in love with you he becomes even more attracted to you. This worked when switching the genders, too.

But none of that felt particularly powerful to me. Love feels powerful to me and always has, and before meeting my H, love was probably the most powerful thing I'd ever felt...and still though, that power didn't seem to be something in me that held power over someone else.

But my H is very in tune with his sexuality, and knows how to let it flow or reign it in. He knows where it wants to go on its own and where he wants to let it go or not go (ie: self-control). When you gain self-control over your sexuality then you put yourself in the power position. But that also means you can now give that power to someone or something else, if you choose. The power can't really be stolen from you...you can feel attraction to something/someone but not act on it or feel a loss of power at all. 

But you can willingly relinquish your power to an alternate source by a decision to do so. Of course the other person or thing you give your power to will typically be something you would already be attracted to or want, if you are a self aware person using sexual self control. You wouldn't hand the power to sexually arouse and control you to just whoever. It goes to who you want to play like this with.

The dom/sub sex community talk about this power transfer and play a lot. I don't think it is quite the same as what my husband and I experience, but the way they talk about it is similar.

People who have no control over their own sexuality, can't give that power to anyone either. They will just float along and be grabbed up by anything floating in the wind. (Not saying there is anything wrong with this...it is how lots of people operate and they enjoy it).

When I met my husband and started getting into him and realizing how sexual he was, I began getting glimpses into the power I had over him. He is very good with how he relates it to me. He looks at me a certain way that I can see affects his whole body, or he touches me in a way that I can tell he is literally trying to draw some magical essence out of me. It is not just lust, but it definitely includes lust...it is more like love in some ways, although it can be experienced without romantic love being present at all.

At some point, after we got to the point of having frequent sex in our relationship and were really getting into the groove of each other and falling in love, I remember while making love to him once (I was on top of him and remember feeling like a goddess at that moment) he just stared at me and said "do you even know how powerful you are?" In the moment I just threw my hair back and rode him off into the sunset, feeling so amazing. 

But later when I contemplated those words, how he said them, when he said them and real meaning behind them, I really "got it". 

He is never resentful of this power. He also never treats me like I've got something I could use against him. It isn't like that at all. He loves opening himself up and giving me that power in those moments. And I do have that power all of the time, but as I said, using self control, he decides when he is ready to succumb to it or not.


----------



## ladymisato

Faithful Wife said:


> It is hard to discuss the particular power you are talking about because it really sounds so arrogant or manipulative when you say it out loud. But it is actually natural, primal, and love-based. The feeling that comes with it is amazing but not egocentric. It hits you in your heart and gut, not your mind.


I'm sure you are aware how contentious this subject is on TAM. But I'm grateful you shared your positive experience with us.

Not every appreciates the power dynamic in marriage, many can't help but see malice and vanity in it. But those of us who have experienced it can attest to the many ways in which love can be expressed through it.


----------



## FormerSelf

Arfully exuding a sexual aura has certainly armed many women, such as Mata Hari, to seduce and manipulate men...to cast a spell of power for transactional purposes.

Some women naturally have sexual charisma...like many film stars, such as Marilyn Monroe. In sex addiction circles, many of those in recovery acknowledge invisible strands that seem to lure addicts together...which makes sobriety difficult as they seem to unconsciously transmit sexual energy for some time. If this wasn't a real thing...men wouldn't have painted pin-ups on the sides of their planes, no calendars in car garages, no need for makeup.

In a relationship setting, sexual power doesn't have to be equated with a negative connotation of manipulation. There is a form of positive manipulation, or let's say "influence", where women seek to have the ability to thrill and "wow" their husband. It is a natural inclination, I say...especially when little girls love to dance in front of an audience or their family...to be found pleasing. Feminists may say this is a result of women being encultured in a patriarchal setting, but I believe there is a component of an innate desire for women to actualize in this way.

So again, in a relationship setting...this desire to please and to actually witness feedback from her husband...I'm sure can be just as intoxicating to the wife...to achieve the ability to cast a spell of seduction over her husband who is transfixed and immobile by her dance. At the same time, for a husband to know that this beauty being unlocked and displayed for him...belongs solely to him...wow.

While sexual seduction may come easier to others...for those who aren't naturally gifted need only study and practice nuance...observing what did and didn't seem to get husband's attention. Like studying the fine gestures and attitudes for a women to conduct an ancient Japanese tea ceremony. Honestly, I think it is about bringing back that element of mystery and building up sexual desire...after so many years of using the bathroom with the door open and the drudgery of same-o, same-o. New sights, new smells...playing a secret, intentional game of what exactly flips your husband's switch and practicing those subtle nuances that make him suddenly go...???Who is THIS??? 

But this is about slowly opening a finely wrapped present...where great attention is paid to the wrapping and bows...building greater tension to "just _what_ is inside the box?!?!" Often, at Christmas, people ask for a specific gift...they know what they are getting...and often get handed the gift without ceremony, saying "Here ya go." Sex in the relationship is often like that after a while, "Here ya go." In fact charisma...is related to _charis_, Greek for "gift". And yes we attribute charisma upon one who seems divinely gifted, but for most our talents (another word with ancient etymology...taken from Parable of the Talents...where a talent is an ancient currency given by the Master and expected to see a return) are earned after hard work and practice.

I remember this Japanese film where this guy asked a women to remove her skirt, but when she failed to do it with a certain nuance...he had her pull it back up, then pull it back down slowly, more seductive...necessitating her to repeat the action dozens of times before meeting his satisfaction. Overboard, yes...but in short, men may often not show fanfare or excitement over things...like our eyes are glazed over, but...in short...seduction is very much like building up a tension with the tease and mystery of a building secret is behind the wall of seduction. This is the essence of burlesque I'd say...but we are talking about attitudes and actions at home...not cheap feathers and sequins...UNLESS that's his thing.

There is the rare case of men who just aren't wired for seduction OR have their noses so grounded into responsibility that it takes some persistence to get their attention. But I would say 99% of men can and will respond when his wife starts acting slightly different, a little more mysterious, wears her hair and makeup a bit more pleasing to the eye...when usually all a wife needs to do is starting regarding herself as one who is capable of charisma, doing her best to walk in it and believe in it...and then working on subtle nuances...with the attitude of "I am the jewel of my husband's desire", where you practice on displaying great value to yourself and in your husband's eye...that this is holy ground. Okay, so maybe that sound like idolatry, but really it is taking in the knowledge that there is great eternal mystery behind the beauty of a women. And it doesn't have to be represented by beauty...it is all about attitude.


----------



## MEM2020

For a long time I've referenced the idea that everything in life is about one or more of three and only three things:
- Time
- Money
- Love

M2 and I were walking the dogs a few days ago and I mentioned that to her. Without hesitation she said: 

You left out 'power'. 

So yeah - sex, sexual power. She's dialed into that. Fine by me. 







SimplyAmorous said:


> I wasn't sure what that meant.. so I looked it up.....
> 
> 
> 
> this is one area you feel very VERY strong about ...I've noticed you mention it a # of times over the years....it's something I never really THOUGHT about until I read people speaking of it on this forum.
> 
> Confession time.....In my "what was I thinking!" past... on a whim I have said stupid things like "If you do this I'll give you a BJ later" to my husband.... Shame shame I know MEM ! ... then to top this off .. I didn't even come through...or did a pitiful job - Bj's seemed taboo to me for many years ...
> 
> Husband is sitting right here.. I just asked him. of course he remembers these stupid lines of mine in the past.. he said it never bothered him that I said those things.. just that I didn't really put it out like I said..yeah that was irritating -(we'd just get to our normal / normal).... But yeah.. he would have been very happy if I'd kept my word till the end!!!
> 
> The sorry truth of the matter was.. I didn't realize how dumb these things were and HE NEVER called me out , got mad  & told me what for !... Yes, I know my H is crazy and was* far too lax* with me back in the day ... honestly I could scold him too !
> 
> Live & learn here...
> 
> TODAY... last 6 yrs.. any of my trying to get him for sex was for mutual pleasure (or I was just too horny- he didn't mind)...I made it very worth his while.. I can't even use those lines today.. for goodness sakes, he'd just laugh at me knowing I'd be pi$$ed if I couldn't do it!!
> 
> But this TOPIC you bring up is a good one... that women DO USE sex to get what we want.. and sometimes it has nothing what so ever to do with mutual sharing & pleasure.. which could be hurtful to the man, with his wanting her authentic desire & devotion...... just another facet of "pity sex" one could say. (??)
> 
> I am always lost with the bell curve talk myself. Machevelli is gone so he can't clarify jump in & explain..... some of us have out of the box taste anyway.. which is all well & good !


----------



## SimplyAmorous

FormerSelf said:


> *Arfully exuding a sexual aura has certainly armed many women, such as Mata Hari, to seduce and manipulate men...to cast a spell of power for transactional purposes.*
> 
> Some women naturally have sexual charisma...like many film stars, such as Marilyn Monroe. In sex addiction circles, many of those in recovery acknowledge invisible strands that seem to lure addicts together...which makes sobriety difficult as they seem to unconsciously transmit sexual energy for some time. If this wasn't a real thing...men wouldn't have painted pin-ups on the sides of their planes, no calendars in car garages, no need for makeup.
> 
> In a relationship setting, sexual power doesn't have to be equated with a negative connotation of manipulation. There is a form of positive manipulation, or let's say "influence", where women seek to have the ability to thrill and "wow" their husband. It is a natural inclination, I say...especially when little girls love to dance in front of an audience or their family...to be found pleasing. Feminists may say this is a result of women being encultured in a patriarchal setting, but I believe there is a component of an innate desire for women to actualize in this way.
> 
> *So again, in a relationship setting...this desire to please and to actually witness feedback from her husband...I'm sure can be just as intoxicating to the wife...to achieve the ability to cast a spell of seduction over her husband who is transfixed and immobile by her dance. At the same time, for a husband to know that this beauty being unlocked and displayed for him...belongs solely to him...wow.*
> 
> While sexual seduction may come easier to others...for those who aren't naturally gifted need only study and practice nuance...observing what did and didn't seem to get husband's attention. Like studying the fine gestures and attitudes for a women to conduct an ancient Japanese tea ceremony.* Honestly, I think it is about bringing back that element of mystery and building up sexual desire...after so many years of using the bathroom with the door open and the drudgery of same-o, same-o. New sights, new smells...playing a secret, intentional game of what exactly flips your husband's switch and practicing those subtle nuances that make him suddenly go...???Who is THIS??? *
> 
> *But this is about slowly opening a finely wrapped present...where great attention is paid to the wrapping and bows...building greater tension to "just what is inside the box?!?!" *Often, at Christmas, people ask for a specific gift...they know what they are getting...and often get handed the gift without ceremony, saying "Here ya go." Sex in the relationship is often like that after a while, "Here ya go."* In fact charisma...is related to charis, Greek for "gift". And yes we attribute charisma upon one who seems divinely gifted, but for most our talents (another word with ancient etymology...taken from Parable of the Talents...where a talent is an ancient currency given by the Master and expected to see a return) are earned after hard work and practice.*
> 
> I remember this Japanese film where this guy asked a women to remove her skirt, but when she failed to do it with a certain nuance...*he had her pull it back up, then pull it back down slowly, more seductive...necessitating her to repeat the action dozens of times before meeting his satisfaction. Overboard, yes...but in short, men may often not show fanfare or excitement over things...like our eyes are glazed over, but...in short...seduction is very much like building up a tension with the tease and mystery of a building secret is behind the wall of seduction. This is the essence of burlesque I'd say...but we are talking about attitudes and actions at home*...not cheap feathers and sequins...UNLESS that's his thing.
> 
> There is the rare case of men who just aren't wired for seduction OR have their noses so grounded into responsibility that it takes some persistence to get their attention. *But I would say 99% of men can and will respond when his wife starts acting slightly different, a little more mysterious, wears her hair and makeup a bit more pleasing to the eye...when usually all a wife needs to do is starting regarding herself as one who is capable of charisma, doing her best to walk in it and believe in it...and then working on subtle nuances...with the attitude of "I am the jewel of my husband's desire", where you practice on displaying great value to yourself and in your husband's eye...that this is holy ground.* *Okay, so maybe that sound like idolatry, but really it is taking in the knowledge that there is great eternal mystery behind the beauty of a women. And it doesn't have to be represented by beauty...it is all about attitude*.










...FormerSelf ....you have so beautifully & eloquently captured what this is about.. in the healthiest of relationships ... for the sheer thrill & excitement of 2 lovers... Your explaining so insightful.. I am printing this out ! 

Yrs ago, when the Endocrinologist told me my Husband's TEST levels were normal for a 60 yr old man, that he may need Test treatment someday.... I was about crushed (he was just 45!)... that comment played on my mind for months...but ya know , we were having a lot of sex.... I had a choice.. to worry or turn up the heat , the whole "use it or loose it".. this was for his health as well as OUR pleasurable exhilaration... 

I was in the midst of my Prime ... it couldn't be contained anyway... I had a surge of sexual confidence that *needed* unleashed... I threw myself into reading/ learning anything to get a RISE out of him , to inspire PASSION ...NEW NOVELTY to keep us sexually charged unto each other....

I lived to "Seduce" my own husband during this time.. with each encounter.....it did so much for both of us.. My passion inspired HIS passion... we both felt on top of the world ....there was no greater HIGH .. as you laid out here.. to thrill and







our men, to feel his hunger .... *it was my intoxication.* 

Then I would remind myself.. He's Good ~ I can still get him "HOT" like a young man! 

Heard that old Rolling stones classic "start me up " on the radio last night driving home...I was laughing at the line about getting "a dead man to cum"...it reminded me of this thread. 

For some instruction to tap into dancing for our men.... this is a good one.. .. 

Erotic Strip Dance DVD - Loving Sex DVD Series ...shows each step.. then the fireworks in the end. What some husbands would give for that .. to bring this gift... to tease, for his pleasure & how it comes back to us.. feeling this "electricity" .... We only live once.. it's an amazing thing to tap into!! 

I found an article yrs ago that spoke on a woman's power over a man... maybe others won't agree with it .. I don't know... I resonate with it ... my H would attest he feels the same...it does make me feel very ALIVE that I have *this effect* on him... and yeah.. I like it! 

*>>*


> If a woman recognizes her power over men, and chooses to exercise it, she can own a man. I don’t care who the man is or what he’s accomplished; if she wants him and he’s at all attracted to her, she can own him. Or she can own him as long as she can create illusions in his mind, the kind of illusions that bring on the free-flowing rush of sensations and the thrill of feeling truly alive.
> 
> Illusions are powerful, maybe the most powerful force of all when it comes to men. A man will do anything, and risk everything, to keep the illusions alive and the sensations flowing.
> 
> Although I agree that sex is clearly a big part of women’s power over men, I don’t think it’s the only element of that power. There really is such a thing as *feminine charm*, and it can stop a man in his tracks, even when there’s no overwhelming physical attraction.
> 
> There’s also an indefinable moral or spiritual power that women have, especially with men who instinctively respect or even idealize women. To that kind of man, a woman represents something better than himself, something that his soul craves but can’t find anywhere else.
> 
> Whatever the source of a woman’s power may be, she needs to use it wisely. A woman doesn’t want to assert so much power over a man that he loses a key aspect of his manhood. Men may acknowledge a woman’s power; they may even welcome it at times. But men always want to feel like men. Men want to feel strong. Men want to feel protective. Men want to feel they’re capable of handling anything that comes their way.
> 
> Some of these feelings may be illusions, but, as I said, illusions are often what keep men going. If a man has been stripped of his powers, of his beliefs about his masculinity, he loses respect for himself, and eventually his woman loses respect for him, too.


----------



## jld

_Whatever the source of a woman’s power may be, she needs to use it wisely. A woman doesn’t want to assert so much power over a man that he loses a key aspect of his manhood. Men may acknowledge a woman’s power; they may even welcome it at times. But men always want to feel like men. Men want to feel strong. Men want to feel protective. Men want to feel they’re capable of handling anything that comes their way.

Some of these feelings may be illusions, but, as I said, illusions are often what keep men going. If a man has been stripped of his powers, of his beliefs about his masculinity, he loses respect for himself, and eventually his woman loses respect for him, too._

My sister is really good at this. But I think, at its heart, it is manipulative.

I think men are capable of becoming truly strong, truly secure in themselves. It starts with humility, realizing that at the moment they may indeed be very weak and dependent on other people's approval. 

Nothing like a guy telling me how strong he is while I see something glaringly different.

Committing to a principle centered life will allow the man to earn the most valuable respect of all: self-respect. When he has that, his wife's respect will soon follow.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

jld said:


> *My sister is really good at this. But I think, at its heart, it is manipulative.*


 It can be used to manipulate... your sister has learned she has sex appeal & used it to her advantage -I take it in ways that are disingenuous..and maybe a # of men ??....you could probably elaborate on this.. I imagine it hasn't served her so well either. ??

But still...your sister aside.. it's not always manipulative....IF it's* for* the benefit of both ...*when Love is present*.. that's why the subject has so many facets.. it's NOT so Black and white...

Not all women use their sex appeal to manipulate.. I actually cringe when I see young hotties using Nice men for their money ..or old men ...of course I think they are the dumbest old goats around if they fall for any of their chumming up...but then again... maybe they don't care.. they just want a good F***...(so they are using too).... One uses her body, the other uses his money ...sad really  

We all need wisdom to know if we're being played. 

The bottom line... when people use each other to get something when it's NOT SINCERE ... when it doesn't enhance the others being/ spirit - towards authentic intimacy & connection WITH whom the dance is being played....making him feel "on top of the world"....that HE's the man... take these things away... it falls into "manipulative". 

But as FormerSelf has laid out, and Faithful wife... we are speaking about our Lovers...an intimate Passion that benefits both to enhance & Rock our desires for each other.... some sexual "cat & mouse" ~ teasing ~ anticipation...we're married /committed, it's our unwrapping of variety & bedroom spice! 

Maybe it's the term "*power*" that doesn't go over so well.. because it deems another is "weak" in their presence.. like under a spell.. more willing to DO FOR.... 

Heck..we can turn this around.... some women feel JUST LIKE THIS around the magnetic charm of a Man they are awed by, his presence melts them.... 

..It's intoxicating on both ends... when he's loving on you.. and has you just where he wants ... but you wanted to go there just the same ! ... Feeling THIS way about our spouses -still after all these years.. that's pretty







! 
.


----------



## ladymisato

SimplyAmorous said:


> But still...your sister aside.. it's not always manipulative....IF it's* for* the benefit of both ...*when Love is present*.. that's why the subject has so many facets.. it's NOT so Black and white...
> ...
> Maybe it's the term "*power*" that doesn't go over so well.. because it deems another is "weak" in their presence.. like under a spell.. more willing to DO FOR....


Having been a part of many such discussions here and elsewhere, what I have found is that many people simply refuse to believe that power and love can be present in the same relationship.

Typically the argument against this is offered by way of example, and there is no shortage of maliciousness in failed marriages which TAM seems to attract like a giant magnet.

But I think also it evidences a cultural bias toward equality as a marital ideal completely forgetting that for most of human history marriages were anything but equal. What I find most distressing is the preference for divorce over anything other than this ideal of marital equality.


----------



## MEM2020

QFT

In my house: 

In terms of sexual power - not even close to equal
In terms of financial power - huge imbalance 

And yet - if you watched what actually happens - the dominant person is using their power to benefit the marriage.





ladymisato said:


> Having been a part of many such discussions here and elsewhere, what I have found is that many people simply refuse to believe that power and love can be present in the same relationship.
> 
> Typically the argument against this is offered by way of example, and there is no shortage of maliciousness in failed marriages which TAM seems to attract like a giant magnet.
> 
> But I think also it evidences a cultural bias toward equality as a marital ideal completely forgetting that for most of human history marriages were anything but equal. What I find most distressing is the preference for divorce over anything other than this ideal of marital equality.


----------



## ladymisato

MEM11363 said:


> And yet - if you watched what actually happens - the dominant person is using their power to benefit the marriage.


This is really key to making it work. The spouse with the power must act in the interest of the marriage. And this is more than what people conventionally think of as love. It is not only love of the spouse but love of the marriage and the very concept of marriage.

This distinction is especially important when the spouse without power is not acting in the best interest of the marriage. Exercising power can be an effective alternative to divorce.


----------



## MEM2020

I like doing nice things for M2. It's my job to take care of her. And I feel good when I do it well. 




jld said:


> _Whatever the source of a woman’s power may be, she needs to use it wisely. A woman doesn’t want to assert so much power over a man that he loses a key aspect of his manhood. Men may acknowledge a woman’s power; they may even welcome it at times. But men always want to feel like men. Men want to feel strong. Men want to feel protective. Men want to feel they’re capable of handling anything that comes their way.
> 
> Some of these feelings may be illusions, but, as I said, illusions are often what keep men going. If a man has been stripped of his powers, of his beliefs about his masculinity, he loses respect for himself, and eventually his woman loses respect for him, too._
> 
> My sister is really good at this. But I think, at its heart, it is manipulative.
> 
> I think men are capable of becoming truly strong, truly secure in themselves. It starts with humility, realizing that at the moment they may indeed be very weak and dependent on other people's approval.
> 
> Nothing like a guy telling me how strong he is while I see something glaringly different.
> 
> Committing to a principle centered life will allow the man to earn the most valuable respect of all: self-respect. When he has that, his wife's respect will soon follow.


----------



## RandomDude

The POWER of SEX!










https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o

Sorry Holland, but your title had it coming


----------



## Holland

OK will have to check it out tomorrow, sound is broken on this pc


----------



## ocotillo

jld said:


> Committing to a principle centered life...


Stephen Covey?


----------



## jld

ocotillo said:


> Stephen Covey?


Yes.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I think sex can be powerful and power can be pleasant to both. For instance, some women perceive giving BJs as demeaning. I find it pretty powerful. I have control over the most tender and responsive part of his whole body.


----------



## TheCuriousWife

I don't think I have ever felt this power you speak of.


----------



## RandomDude

EnjoliWoman said:


> I have control over the most tender and responsive part of his whole body.


Errr, really?

The darn thing has a mind of its own, even its owner doesn't have control over it.


----------



## ConanHub

intheory said:


> *(((hugs))) to the owl girl.
> 
> I'm still working my way through your journal, Curious.
> 
> Your husband is a lucky guy.*


Too bad he doesn't know it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

TheCuriousWife said:


> I don't think I have ever felt this power you speak of.


*Trust me! It ain't exactly hard to find!*


----------



## TrampledRosee

My husband wants sex once a month.I have no power.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

I found this quote and it put me in remembrance of this thread... I feel this is true...


----------



## jld

SimplyAmorous said:


> I found this quote and it put me in remembrance of this thread... I feel this is true...


Wow, I really like that!


----------



## SimplyAmorous

jld said:


> *Wow, I really like that*!










..but JLD...that makes a MAN "WEAK".... are you sure you read it right?? Just kidding.. I had to say this..
it was a WOW moment for me







! ha ha


----------



## jld

SimplyAmorous said:


> ..but JLD...that makes a MAN "WEAK".... are you sure you read it right?? Just kidding.. I had to say this..
> it was a WOW moment for me
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ! ha ha


I don't think loving his wife makes a man weak.


----------



## Blossom Leigh

I have definitely seriously owned my power and seriously lap it up, but my FAVORITE moments are when he loses control and overpowers me back! What a freakin' RUSH!!


----------



## heartsbeating

I've only read the first page so far but I love inspiring ... a temptation, an anticipation, drawing out a tease, being direct and forthcoming, being slow and subtle, playful, erotic, sensual, using my body language, making my desire for him known, making it known his desire is wanted. I love the flirtation or deciding how and when I will tip him over the edge. 

He's asked how the hell I do that to him and likens it to having some kind of mystical hold over him (although it sounds sexy when he says it ha ha). It just feels natural to express my sensuality, flirtatiousness and desire with him. I feel the power is in the excitement; perhaps sometimes it's also in the knowing.

That's my interpretation. I'll need to catch up on the rest of the thread.


----------



## Brigit

SimplyAmorous said:


> I found this quote and it put me in remembrance of this thread... I feel this is true...


TBH I think it's stuff like this that make men guarded when it comes to falling in love. Why would someone want to become weak?


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Brigit said:


> *TBH I think it's stuff like this that make men guarded when it comes to falling in love. Why would someone want to become weak?*


I agree...I think it's a huge fear for many, and may I add.. *SHOULD BE* .....

I know I would be utterly CRUSHED to give myself to someone fully -emotionally /physically , then have them walk away & want another -like I was nothing or even a fool to trust them .. of course - like that old Nazareth classic *>> * Love Hurts.. 

I watched this movie earlier today....  Widow on the Hill

..a classic example of Feminine Sexual Power *used to manipulate* for one's own GAIN (GREED)... it was a true story.. about a sexy Hospice nurse who seduced the very Wealthy husband of the woman she came to help die.. 

In his grieving... she catered to his every whim, had him under her spell, seducing him with her naked body under a fur coat & they were married within a year... she could do no wrong in his eyes... when she was found cheating with the younger farm hand in the barn...she just seduced the other farm hand to keep his mouth shut.... then, so the story goes, killed her husband when he learned of all of this- as he was going to cut her out of the will.. 

True story ... I was just reading about it... the real characters...... Here  and  Here

Just very sad really.. Love gone wrong -and many lives destroyed when we become weak with a manipulator ... this is not what this thread is about, I know...

It's just very UGLY to misuse Power in any way...I am very disturbed by it personally ...so those on the receiving end need to be very very cautious ...(just imagining being one of the daughters in that real life drama.. Dad just couldn't see it!)

But once Trust has been built, a foundation laid so to speak..when it's authentic Love...the give & take is there flourishing... it's the most beautiful thing EVER under the sun. 

My Mother visited today... we were talking a little about these things & she gave me this quote saying how we all want to be "irresistably desired".. ... I feel this is true...


----------



## ConanHub

Movie make me angry!!!! Back to my cave....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## heartsbeating

Fozzy said:


> I think there's a difference between the sexual power being discussed originally in this thread and sexual manipulation, which is what you're describing with the eyelash batting and drink conning. One is based on mutual sexuality between two people and the ability to rev them up at will, while the other is based on just using another person.


Absolutely agree!

It's him and the two of us together, that inspires me to express the way I do. And it goes both ways; he knows what revs me up. It's part of the effort in the effortless! In this way, it's mutual attraction and being able to let go with each other. 

Or am I missing the point?


----------



## heartsbeating

Jellybeans said:


> Dis right here doe.
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> LOL. But seriously, YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. F0cking awesome.
> 
> Nothing hotter than you noticing a man is noticing you. "I noticed you noticing me." It's in the eyes. And the reaction. It is SO hot.


----------



## heartsbeating

FormerSelf said:


> But this is about slowly opening a finely wrapped present...where great attention is paid to the wrapping and bows...building greater tension to "just _what_ is inside the box?!?!"


Your entire post was superb but I couldn't resist quoting this part as it gave me a chuckle.

It was my husband's birthday. I'd set up the massage table, candles and music. The main intention being a remedial massage and focus on relaxation to help get those knots out of his back. Except I was wearing my big fluffy bathrobe, which I rarely wear. It's the only robe I have and sometimes ya gotta work with what you got. Still the thought of 'What's underneath the robe?' consumed him through-out the massage. Who needs a stripper pole when there's fluffy bathrobes available? Afterwards, a playful game led to his discovery that I was wearing a new set of lingerie (which he loved).

Wrapping and bows. He excitedly pulled on one of the lingerie bows, ribbons now just helplessly hanging there, to discover it's decorative and not actually a bow that undoes ha ha. Hubs rendered me powerless in the best possible way; his initial focus solely on me and what's a woman to do but let go, enjoy and feel the lurrve.


----------



## Blossom Leigh

:rofl: thats great HB!


----------



## Patti

EnjoliWoman said:


> I think sex can be powerful and power can be pleasant to both. For instance, some women perceive giving BJs as demeaning. I find it pretty powerful. I have control over the most tender and responsive part of his whole body.


Until about 10 years ago, I used to not perform fellatio. Adamantly. There are reasons behind my hesitation. I found fellatio to be intimidating. I was brought up to believe it's yucky down there and good girls don't do that. When I overcame these anxieties, our relationship bloomed. During the act, eye contact is particularly important.... I love to see him groan in agonizing pleasure when he looks down and all he can see is his penis sliding in and out of my mouth and my eyes staring at him. There is something very powerful about eye contact that hubby finds breathtaking and the moment I hear his glorious groans, I am turned on in ways I can hardly describe, turned on enough for me to sometimes experience orgasms during the act. Fellatio gives him immense pleasure, but is extremely empowering for me. Today, after being married over several decades, my husband can hardly keep his hands off me, public or private…


----------



## Kristisha

Patti said:


> Until about 10 years ago, I used to not perform fellatio. Adamantly. There are reasons behind my hesitation. I found fellatio to be intimidating. I was brought up to believe it's yucky down there and good girls don't do that. When I overcame these anxieties, our relationship bloomed. During the act, eye contact is particularly important.... I love to see him groan in agonizing pleasure when he looks down and all he can see is his penis sliding in and out of my mouth and my eyes staring at him. There is something very powerful about eye contact that hubby finds breathtaking and the moment I hear his glorious groans, I am turned on in ways I can hardly describe, turned on enough for me to sometimes experience orgasms during the act. Fellatio gives him immense pleasure, but is extremely empowering for me. Today, after being married over several decades, my husband can hardly keep his hands off me, public or private…


 Apart from the fact of being empowering, It makes Sooo horny , that most of the time this is my foreplay


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Bugged said:


> *my feminist upbringing makes me think this sentence is kinda sexist*


Doesn't surprise me at all.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Bugged said:


> well to me it implies that men are stronger than women and I don't think it's true (outside of the gym of course). (OT sorry...)


Well I find it BEAUTIFUL, my Husband is physically stronger than me ...Thankfully ...and he is stronger than me in other areas too... SO WHAT!! This doesn't diminish me in any way... there are areas he looks up to ME in...and feels I am "stronger".. or insert any word here __________...it's all good!... It's not a contest.... we love each other, we *compliment* each other.. as it should be.. 

And he has a weakness for me... So long as I don't abuse that...nor him abusing his dominance over me.. (which he never has by the way)....I feel greatly loved & Cherished.. as does HE... . I deeply admire him and treat him like a KING.. He's a happy man. 

I am more of a Traditionalist at







... I've learned this wins me little favor with some feminists here....often times I feel a division "rising" when they speak...that belittles how I may feel, how *we* have chosen to live our lives... truth is.. I just don't "fit in" with many of their world views, on a variety of issues, I take a counter view... it is what it is.. 

Nice of you to apologize Bugged ....I am not offended.. just not at all surprised something I *Like* gets a label like that.. where I just don't see it or feel that way at all..


----------



## Blossom Leigh

:scratchhead:

I don't see the problem with accepting the fact that men are stronger than me. In fact I feel it is wise to know and understand that they are and in what ways. Its the way I know if they are using their power wisely especially in the area of sex. To not understand that leaves me at risk of underestimating them and overestimating myself, which is a dangerous place to be in the face of an abuser.

I am not "lesser" than by any stretch, but to choose to not accept the truth of their strength seems a level of denial that serves no purpose than to make me feel better about being a woman. Well, I already feel great about being a woman with all the strengths that are uniquely feminine that come with it. So I don't see the point.


----------



## Blossom Leigh

Bugged said:


> I wasn't talking about physical strength..it's pretty obvious that men are stronger than women physically (well...most men )..but the sentence you quoted talked about love not lifting weights..so the implied 'exchange of power' here is that men become weaker because of women and women stronger because of men...and I simply do not agree with that...I 'm not criticizing you for your choices or beliefs but I saw that sentence on a public forum and since I disagree with that notion I just stated my opinion


ahhh interesting.. 

though I have experienced that quote in real life many times over.

I have also experienced the reverse, but there is something "different" about the reverse. Not sure I can fully articulated and may need it's own thread if we continue this discussion outside the power of sex.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Bugged said:


> I wasn't talking about physical strength..it's pretty obvious that men are stronger than women physically (well...most men )..but the sentence you quoted talked about love not lifting weights..*so the implied 'exchange of power' here is that men become weaker because of women and women stronger because of men...and I simply do not agree with that.*..I 'm not criticizing you for your choices or beliefs but I saw that sentence on a public forum and since I disagree with that notion I just stated my opinion


Yes.. I think due to our experiences , how we view life, love, sex, all of it....we often see through "different lenses" so to speak...

In my experience, I feel my Husband has greatly enhanced MY LIFE ..he has lifted me UP.... his presence, walking beside me, has helped ME be a better woman.. does this translate into "*stronger*" in some areas (Yes...I believe so!)... I still see nothing wrong with this at all.. I'm thrilled he is in my life, that we've shared all these years. 

I don't see this as weakness, more of an acknowledgement of *Gratitude* at it's core... And likewise ...which makes me ....

I have enhanced his life... the idea one is better over the other does not even enter in....or competing in any way...like this against him ...









If I had chosen a different path ...let's say a successful career & felt the "high esteem" of being a powerful business woman, remaining single (or married even)... maybe I would feel this was more *a source* of strength... ??

I don't know.. why is just being Human, acknowledging we want, "need", relish in each other .. is this a BAD THING? ..is it just too vulnerable for some....

I do not have a problem with speaking  to my husband either.... it's a term of endearment, of deep love, WANT, longing....it's used in the most beautiful of love songs such as Peter Cetera's  You're The Inspiration

Another song that captures this... I've always felt this way about my Husband ...when we met...I had a little bit of attitude...some chips on my shoulder.. & he seen "the BEST in me"...it has a line in there ABOUT STRENGTH...  Because you loved me Celine Dion (with lyrics)










I can only speak for myself.. none of this assaults my senses in the least way..


----------

