# Lonely



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

I am so lonely its starting to drive me crazy. I am in the middle of a divorce and cant see myself dating right now. But I miss the company of a man. Is this normal?


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## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

mishu143 said:


> I am so lonely its starting to drive me crazy. I am in the middle of a divorce and cant see myself dating right now. But I miss the company of a man. If this normal?


I feel the same. My husband doesn't have to be lonely because he has the OW.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What kinds of social things are you doing these days?


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## WYBadger (Mar 3, 2014)

I believe it's perfectly normal, having your emotional and conversational needs met is part of marriage, and when it's gone, there's a big hole there. Just as there is with men and physical intimacy, it seems gone in a heartbeat and it's difficult to figure out how to deal with that loss.

If you're interested, Divorce Care has a daily e-mail that speaks to that a lot, encouraging people to become whole again before starting new relationships.

Best of luck on your journey.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> What kinds of social things are you doing these days?


Not much, go to my brothers house a few times but not much to do except watch tv so I can do that at home. He has roomates and one seems to like me, but the one I like seems to be taken lol... go figure.... I try to avoid it as much as I can. 

I have taken myself out to drink beer at a really good brewery near by a few times, go out to lunch with my g/f's once a week when I can, go to the mall to look around at stuff, and went to a comedy club this past weekend all by myself. Im okay doing things alone, but I wish I wouldn't have to.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

WYBadger said:


> I believe it's perfectly normal, having your emotional and conversational needs met is part of marriage, and when it's gone, there's a big hole there. Just as there is with men and physical intimacy, it seems gone in a heartbeat and it's difficult to figure out how to deal with that loss.
> 
> If you're interested, Divorce Care has a daily e-mail that speaks to that a lot, encouraging people to become whole again before starting new relationships.
> 
> Best of luck on your journey.


thanks I will look into.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

WYBadger, 

I found a site, but it is sponsoring support groups, did you attend these? do they help with childcare? I have two kids I have to tote around, no one around to help.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Hang in there! You will make it through this, I promise.

Be true to yourself and don't do anything that you might later regret.

Take some time for yourself....I know, you're saying "that's easy for you to say...I have too much time right now."

I promise you, you will make it and survive. Just go through the stages of grieving and healing. When you reach forgiveness you will become indifferent and make friends with your pain and wounds.

Until then, try to keep busy. Get active. Fill the hours of your day. Work out. Go back to college. Do something. Go to church. But if you dwell on it you will never move forward, and that keeps you in bondage.

Keep reading and posting here. We are all here for you.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Pictureless said:


> Hang in there! You will make it through this, I promise.
> 
> Be true to yourself and don't do anything that you might later regret.
> 
> ...


Thank you pictureless that is sweet. I am in school full time. I have forgiven and conitunue to forgive, He just doesn't quit trying to hurt me. I am just waiting for those final divorce papers!! but again lonely.. lol


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

mishu143 said:


> Thank you pictureless that is sweet. I am in school full time. I have forgiven and conitunue to forgive, He just doesn't quit trying to hurt me. I am just waiting for those final divorce papers!! but again lonely.. lol


The divorce papers will not fix your state of mind, you will.

Were you lonely before you met him and got married?

If he can hurt you still then you are not free of him emotionally. You will be free when nothing he says or does affects your feelings.

Let go of the pain and wounds and forgive...for your sake, not his. Only then can you move on and be free from the hurt and pain.

I know because I've been there. And the memories NEVER go away but the pain does. Trust me. Give it some time. You'll see.

And stop being lonely. You are not alone, you are single. BIG difference.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

I know it’s not exactly the same as my 1st wife died. But every habit & my reasoned for doing everything was gone. 
I forced myself to just go thru the motions of life for the 1st few months. After that to combat the loneness I would take my laptop to public places like coffee shops to start getting used to being around different people. I also stated to think about the things that brought me joy b4 I was marred and restarted some of those activates. For me it was hiking, cycling and playing chess. 
The journey of a lifetime starts with a single step.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Divorce care is wonderful, made some good progress and friends there.

Dating... I waited 7 months. On one hand I should have waited longer. Just sorta fell into it. It's been kinda crazy but met a few nice ladies too. I am not very aggressive. I've also met one seriously deranged stalker. I've never had a bad date and it's good to talk/listen/get out, feel like someone cares a bit about you.

IF I had been lucky and found someone great right away it would be wonderful but make sure you make no serious rushes to sex, living together, marriage plans. 

If you think about it, it takes someone unique to date someone going through a divorce, generally not a good thing because of how emotional, baggage, crazy, self centered WE are.


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## WYBadger (Mar 3, 2014)

I also really like the Divorce Care group. I think a big part of it was that everyone there was going through the same thing, so you didn't feel awkward or out of place. The church I attended it at had child care, though I didn't use it.

It's faith based, but I think a lot of the messages are good regardless, it emphasizes that one should focus on same-sex relationships while going through divorce and avoid new relationships until you're fully healed. 

I think that's sound advice, people going through divorce are emotionally distraught typically and it can lead to decisions that are regretted later in life. If my STBX had followed those recommendations, we'd likely be on our way to repairing our marriage.


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

I figured it out!! I am not lonely, I am shy... and since I am not divorced I don't want to entice attention because he sees the phone numbers on the bills and I don't want him calling me about which guys are calling me, etc.... Guess I will just have to wait until the papers are finalized to stop ignoring the stares...


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

mishu143 said:


> I figured it out!! I am not lonely, I am shy... and since I am not divorced I don't want to entice attention because he sees the phone numbers on the bills and I don't want him calling me about which guys are calling me, etc.... Guess I will just have to wait until the papers are finalized to stop ignoring the stares...


If you are getting a divorce, you should be severing your ties with your ex---that includes getting your own phone plan; one which he has no access to. Frankly, it's no longer any of his business.

Good luck. I've been there and it sucks. I would start thinking about stuff you were always interested in (ie: dance lesson, yoga class, ballet, riding motorcycle, travelling, cooking class, etc.) but never really tried before. It's time to get out there and try new things, discover what you like, and meet new people/others who like the same things.


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

Yes it helps to get involved in something. I started dance lessons, something I always wanted to do, but my ex H used to say that he did no want any man touching me. Now he is touching the OW. That's funny.


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