# This Momma is EXHAUSTED



## usplus5 (Mar 2, 2014)

Let me start by telling you a little about me. I am 23 years old. Married for the second time (my first husband was very abusive after he picked up a awful drug addiction during our 1st year of marriage. Counseling did NOT work). After the divorce was finalized and my 2 year old and I got out we met this wonderful man. He was also divorced, 28, and had two amazing children of his own along with one step son that he has raised since he was 6 months old. This man changed our life. So, I am 23 years old. Remarried, with a happily blended family of 5 children and I am 35 weeks pregnant with our 6th. We have been very happily married for the past 2 years. 

My problem: While I love my husband dearly and am VERY attracted to him. And, thankfully he allows me to be a stay at home Mommy and wife (because we have custody of his 3 we CANNOT afford childcare for 4 LOs right now) and he takes excellent care of us. No one ever wants for anything... his sex drive is killing me. I realize that I don't work outside of the home. And that I should always be available to him, but I am just exhausted. We have 3 that were born in a 11 month time span. The girls are 3 and the youngest is 2 while the oldest is 8. While the girls are potty trained baby boy hasn't quite made it that far yet. And there's a house to clean, laundry piling up, and constantly someone needing Momma/B's attention. Finally after the kids are in bed I'm ready to crash and he's just getting started. 

I guess my question is... Is it wrong of me to turn him down when he does so much to support us? When he works so hard to make sure we all have the things we want and need? I don't want to be the mean wife who doesn't give her husband what he needs, but i'm just sooooo tired. opinions? advice?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I did the Mr. Mom thing for a week and half many years ago. I was never as tired as I was that week. That was with only 2 boys.
If you are doing what your supposed to do as a SAHM, then I know how exhausted you must be.

Tell him how you feel and ask for help. Reassure him that you want to meet his needs, but you need help. 

You do have a tough job. I only had to do it for a very short time.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Mom of 5 at that age...your job is 24/7/365 with no time off, no vacations, no sick days. 

If your husband wants your attention in bed, he needs to make sure you have energy once you get there.

Why can't he put the kids in bed while you take a bath and relax?

Also, relax on home cleaning. Cause guess what, 10-15 and 20 years from now it is all STILL going to have to get clean but your babies will be grown and your poor husband will be full of regret (as will you) for not having out your energy into the things that are really important. Like great sex. But to get greats ex you need energy. To get energy, you need to scale back and get help.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Agree with the do less housework advice. Do you watch TV? Cut it out of your life. You can listen to NPR or the BBC while doing chores to stay informed. 

Get your husband to bed early.

Is he loving?


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## usplus5 (Mar 2, 2014)

Thanks for all the encouraging comments. I don't feel as awful now. He is very loving and does help out a lot when he gets home. i'm planning a super yummy supper tonight and will sit him down afterwards and discuss the issue. hopefully, he wont think i don't appreciate everything he does and will understand. Thanks again everyone!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I have done the Mr. Mom routine for weeks at a time, never found it too difficult. But with two, not five.

Look up this person to get an idea 

http://biography.yourdictionary.com/lillian-gilbreth


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Could you switch from evening to morning? You would be fresh then.

I have five, and we have always been morning people, with evening being an extra bonus, when possible.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Don't surprised if a rationed sex life is a major downer in your husband's life. At least offer the option of a messier home but regular sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Tell us more about his libido. How often does he want sex? 

Also, who took care of his kids before the two of you got married?


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## usplus5 (Mar 2, 2014)

Before he and I got married he raised his kids with the help of daycare and family.. His libido is very high. We are morning people, afternoon people, before bed people. Whenever. However.Everyday, at least once. Sometimes twice depending on how we feel in the mornings lol. I'm always available to him. I'm not planning on rationing sex. that's just not fair. my goal is to be able to explain to him how tired i am without him thinking I don't love him/want him. Cause that's definitely not the case.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

usplus5 said:


> Before he and I got married he raised his kids with the help of daycare and family.. His libido is very high. We are morning people, afternoon people, before bed people. Whenever. However.Everyday, at least once. Sometimes twice depending on how we feel in the mornings lol. I'm always available to him. I'm not planning on rationing sex. that's just not fair. *my goal is to be able to explain to him how tired i am without him thinking I don't love him/want him. Cause that's definitely not the case*.


I bet he knows this

55


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

just got it 55 said:


> I bet he knows this
> 
> 55


So you think he is just being selfish and unrealistic?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Any reason his family can't help out now?

Also, the frequency he is used to seems pretty unrealistic now, considering the situation. Is he a reasonable man? Surely every other day would not be seen as you withholding sex, would it? What kind of discussion have you had with him about this problem?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## usplus5 (Mar 2, 2014)

I haven't really discussed it with him yet but, it hasn't been an issue until about the past month. It's probably the fact that I'm so far along in the pregnancy. He's reasonable. And, will probably be understanding. I just don't want to hurt him.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Sounds like a good man. Don't underestimate him. I'll bet he will wish he knew sooner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> Sounds like a good man. Don't underestimate him. I'll bet he will wish he knew sooner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let's hope!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Pregnancy is an automatic acceptable reason cut down on sex. Most men will readily accept a pause. 

One hazard of of modern life: porn
If your husband acquieses, beware that he may masturbate to online porn, which can displace his desire for you. This has destroyed a lot of marriages. It is addictive but usually is more of a problem for dysfunctional personalities. There many TAM threads on mismatched sex drives and sexless marriages.

You are young so understanding now can save heartache
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## usplus5 (Mar 2, 2014)

Goo point LongWalk. Very good point. We enjoy it together so i'm sure it would be an option for him... I'm not sure that addiction would be an issue tho. Especially since I'm not wanting to completely do away with the sex maybe just cut it back a little. I just don't know. ugh... lol


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Question.

Do you have regular date nights?
Five kids are a lot to handle emotionally and I suspect you are feeling the need to connect emotionally again with him.

The date nights without the kids around ,can help with that.


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## usplus5 (Mar 2, 2014)

We don't have date nights. My family lives almost 2 hours away and his parents are older and can't quite handle 5 young ones lol. A date night though would be marvelous... We've talked about hiring a babysitter once a month but the thought of leaving our children with a stranger for ANY length of time is just terrifying.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

jld said:


> So you think he is just being selfish and unrealistic?


No I am saying/hoping that he will be sympathetic and understanding

55


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Just saying, I understand the mommy exhaustion. We have 10 children, of course none were as small as yours at once. I've watched extra kids many times and I understand what you are saying completely. You can't get time off, and the moments you do get are basically just little moments you find to take advantage of.

I'm not saying you should ever withhold it from your husband, it is a real need. But right now, you are about to have a baby and you need to be mentally preparing and getting psyched up for that too. 

Try this, assuming a typical schedule... get your dinner ready and have either set the table or have him do that part, but go take a hot bath or whatever helps you feel fresh and relaxed for 30 minutes before you sit down to eat. It does wonders for getting the evening off to a pleasant start and you won't feel as wiped out when bedtime comes around and you have alone time with your dh.

Do take it easy on yourself, do what you can but it really is understandable that you would be exhausted at this point.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

US+5 - sex once a day sometimes more...and with 5 children?
WOW!

There is a shed load of us on here with far fewer children who deem ourselves lucky to get laid once a month let alone once a day!

All I can suggest I'm afraid is that you tell your husband just how pooped you are and as much as you love him you just havent got the stamina any more....how about every other day?

Also, couldnt you split the children up one weekend? half to his parents and half to yours? A two hour drive each way isnt such a bad price to pay once a month for 24 hrs of just you and hi

Maybe you could bonk his brains out so much in those 24hrs so that HE gets so pooped he leaves you alone for a week?!!!!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'd recommend you get rid of the idea that he "allows" you to stay home, like he's doing you some big fat favor. Three of the kids you're taking care of are his, and if not for you he'd have to pay daycare for them. You two are partners, and he might have to accept that your sex life might be light for a little while. I do agree that you should lighten up chores and explore morning sex, mornings always work well for us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

You sound like an amazing woman. Once a day is awesome. His drive may be high, but remember, with that drive is also his intimacy. This is how men feel loved, so let him know you need to cut back on other things that make you so tired, but not sex. If he is good to you and gives you his attention, the security of having a husband, and a good home, then give him the little bit he needs. I understand you get tired, but so does he. However, he wants to make sure he connects with the person he chose to be with for the rest of his life, and if anything gets cut out of your daily activity, it should be some of the housework, or whatever else it is making you so tired.

I find it a blessing that a man loves you so much he wants to be with you every day of his life, and not just with you, connected to you. Fallling in love is easy, staying in love is hard work. I've said it 100 times, if you want a healthy body you exercise each day. If you want a healthy marriage, you exercise intimacy each day. Stick with that, and you will have a long and happy marriage, getting everything you need, just make sure you also give him what he needs.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

usplus5 said:


> I guess my question is... Is it wrong of me to turn him down when he does so much to support us? When he works so hard to make sure we all have the things we want and need? I don't want to be the mean wife who doesn't give her husband what he needs, but i'm just sooooo tired. opinions? advice?


I can sympathize. You are the cook, the maid, the sitter, the shopper etc. Busy all the time. No breaks. I can understand. And putting things off just makes them pile up higher (laundry for example).

I would suggest you talk about it with him. See if he can take any of the load on some sort of scheduled days so you can recharge some. And when you have to turn him down, make sure that he understands that the rejection is not because you don't love him and want to have sex with him, it is just that you are so tired. If you make this clear, the message to him should be:

If you want sex like I do, then you will have to help me out a little and allow me to feel a bit more rested. So lets decide what you can help me out with, I can recharge, and we can have fantastic sex.


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## Devotee (Sep 22, 2013)

Of course it's not wrong for you to turn him down, given the situation.  You are giving as much to the family and the household as he is. You seem to be dismissing your contribution. He works hard to support you, yes...but you work equally as hard. Do not discount that. 

You just need to be able to openly discuss your feelings about needing a break from sex every day. I hope he can see that you have needs too and is as willing to meet them as you have been for him.


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## usplus5 (Mar 2, 2014)

Just thought I would update everyone. Following my posts I went into labor at 37 weeks 1 day. We now have a beautiful little boy to add to our little brigade. Jacob was 9lbs. 2oz. and is perfectly healthy. Following the delivery i did explain to him my feeling and he apologized over and over. And since we have been home he has put forth so much effort. Hopefully, the trend will continue after my Momma leaves next week. thank you all for all of the support. you all have no idea how much it means for complete strangers to help you out.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

usplus5 said:


> Just thought I would update everyone. Following my posts I went into labor at 37 weeks 1 day. We now have a beautiful little boy to add to our little brigade. Jacob was 9lbs. 2oz. and is perfectly healthy. Following the delivery i did explain to him my feeling and he apologized over and over. And since we have been home he has put forth so much effort. Hopefully, the trend will continue after my Momma leaves next week. thank you all for all of the support. you all have no idea how much it means for complete strangers to help you out.


Congrats on your new arrival! Glad he is helping out and things are looking up.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

usplus5 said:


> Just thought I would update everyone. Following my posts I went into labor at 37 weeks 1 day. We now have a beautiful little boy to add to our little brigade. Jacob was 9lbs. 2oz. and is perfectly healthy. Following the delivery i did explain to him my feeling and he apologized over and over. And since we have been home he has put forth so much effort. Hopefully, the trend will continue after my Momma leaves next week. thank you all for all of the support. you all have no idea how much it means for complete strangers to help you out.


Congratulations 

Hope your days of exhaustion are behind you. And may the communication continue.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Congratualtions, post a pic of your beautiful baby.


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