# Is the "180" gaining converts?



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

When I first came to TAM, it seemed that all husbands with a cheating wife did all the "wimpy" things: they begged, pleaded, cried, believed their WWs when they blatantly lied, blamed themselves for the affair, tried to nice their WWs out of the fog, and did everything short of painting "Welcome" on their backs.

Now, it seems that most of the posters are taking quick, decisive action. They are exposing, lawyering up, throwing WWs stuff out on the lawn, returning home to reclaim their rightful territory, and standing up and saying that they will not tolerate this sh*t.

And when the WWs threaten divorce in order to get the upper hand, they no longer seem to back down, afraid of losing everything. Now, they seem to be saying "Yeah, whatever. If that's what you want, there's the door...don't let it hit your fat ass on the way out!"

Is the 180 gaining converts?


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Some people have very black and white opinions about infidelity, where even a flirtatious lunch can be a dealbreaker. I saw on occasion that even the talk of R was out of question, hence the no-backing down.

It comes installed and fully ever-updated, I presume.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

I think the key thing to remember about the 180 is you want to come across as indifferent not an a$$hole. It's a very fine line between the two and sometimes one is mistaken for the other. If you are mean to them then it shows you still care. You want to come across like you've already moved on and could careless. You shut off your emotions to the person to detach. If your not sure how to do this then just like a Vulcan from Star Trek. They are not mean and they are not nice, just indifferent and logical. And the logical choice is to focus on yourself and not them because it's the only thing you can control. It also has the added bonus effect sometimes of driving your WS nuts because they want that negative attention from you because it's still attention and they are still attention wh0res. So when you shut it off they starve.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

My guess is that TAM was not as popular when you first joined as it is today, and that new people with infidelity problems are spending more time reading the experiences of others before posting their own stories.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

F-102 said:


> When I first came to TAM, it seemed that all husbands with a cheating wife did all the "wimpy" things: they begged, pleaded, cried, believed their WWs when they blatantly lied, blamed themselves for the affair, tried to nice their WWs out of the fog, and did everything short of painting "Welcome" on their backs.
> 
> Now, it seems that most of the posters are taking quick, decisive action. They are exposing, lawyering up, throwing WWs stuff out on the lawn, returning home to reclaim their rightful territory, and standing up and saying that they will not tolerate this sh*t.
> 
> ...


I know what you mean. When I was first lurking here before joining, this is the thread I was reading:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/14064-wife-having-emotional-affair-how-handle.html

At the time I was on Surviving Infidelity and still in my anger phase. I could not believe some of the advice he was getting and his actions:


Tried to win her back
Kept her on his health insurance - the main reason she was with him
Sending love letters
Sending flowers and chocolates
Helping her move out of their home and into her own place
Helping her write her resume and helping her find a new job
Buying gifts for her new office

In the end, all that trying to win her back just drove her further away. She even lied to people and said that he physically abused her. He refused to do anything like the 180 or take decisive action because he didn't want to be a neanderthal. It was sad to see. And it was appalling to see some of the members here encouraging his actions like sending her love letters, flowers, chocolates, etc. We all know that a BS cannot compete with the OM/OW because of the fantasy, but he tried to. He just ended up being a doormat.

Its a prime example of how not to act when you are betrayed. Yes, these were the majority of the stories here when I first joined.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

In 2010 I joined another site online. It was really small but the advice I got was pretty good. My problem was I did not believe what they were telling me. My wife had a very sexual EA. Even my IC told me my wife would not stop and if the guy was local it would go PA. It happened less then a year later just as I was told. I even told my wife and she said she would never do that. 

My wife never took my threats to D seriously until I did earlier this year.

Do I wish I had a do over again? Yes I do. 

But I will say this. I understand why so many BS'ers take the road I did. It is pitiful to see it but I understand. 

Ironically, the very thing my wife told me she needed was trips, ballgames and I gave that all to her (and more) and it was not enough. So all the flowers in the world would not have stopped her from cheating.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Many BHs see the 180 as being counterintuitive. They think that if they act indifferent that the WW will run to the OM faster. But it does seem that many WSs will get their priorities in order when they see the REAL consequences.


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