# How to cope in a Sex Less marriage



## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I have been on here a few months and I have a lot of posts. I have been with my SO for almost 3 years, and married for 8 months. My marriage would be damn near perfect if it wasn't for my hubbys health issues he has kindey failure, I put him on dialysis everyday and that is what keeping him alive. 

I also put myself on the transplant list. we just have to get things together. He is everything I could ask for in a husband in man, in a person, except for sex. My problem is I know he wants to his mind is there but his body isn't. It is frustrating because I know he wants to and he can't. I love him to much to cheat that is a cowards way out. But it is hard going months at time with no sex and the few times we do and when we do it is...AWESOME.... how do you deal with a sexless marriage when it is not you or spouses fault for no nookie. and please don't give me the asnwer there is more to life than sex bc I know that but my body begs to differ.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If his mind is truly into it but his body isn't, there's lots of other ways for your needs to be met that don't involve intercourse. Oral sex, fingers, toys... I love pleasuring my GF, and even though it obviously wouldn't be ideal, I'd like to think that my lack of an orgasm wouldn't stop us from "making love". Heck, we have 4+hour "play dates", and I have one orgasm... A significant amount of time is spent on things rather than intercourse. I'd definitely consider the naked cuddling and pillow time a big part of our intimacy.

You might want to also investigate counseling and support groups. Finding other people that have gone through the same thing as yourselves might be very valuable. And I'm sure you're not the first.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Ummm...perhaps I am missing soemthing here..."he has kidney failure, I put him on dialysis every day and that is what keeping him alive".

I admire you for marrying a man who spends his life at deaths door and for your love and support. He clearly has more important things than sex on his mind...like when he'll get a transplant, how much longer will he live etc etc.

Make the most of whatever intimacy you can have, whatever it may be because from what you say it could be your last...

But be positive....When people get a transplant it can turn their lives around....when you husband gets his new kidney life will return to normal. Until then, don't put unneccessary pressure of him.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your husband will either get a transplant and recover fully (in every way) or......


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

It sounds like your husband has some pretty severe health issues that are likely impacting his ability and desire to have sex. Those are the "worse" and "sickness" in the "for better or worse" and "in sickness and in health" that are in marriage vows.

Is he willing to and able to try and give you some satisfaction, with a toy or using his hands/mouth?

Do you discuss how you feel about this? If you aren't discussing this with him, that would be the first place to start.

Best wishes.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I have done all of these things and I'm aware of what my vows are. It is hard to explain exactly how to feel in situations like these when people really dont comprehend nor can understand what I'am going through. To answer your question Jezza my husband does not think that way life is full of irony I could die before he does altough the chances are stacked aganist him. I'm sorry a life is not worth living in the corner somehwhere watching his every move because I think me may or may not die. The more he does his treatments that better. And on top of that I'm his caretaker I know more than anyone everything and I mean everything. You dont have to be blunt I live this every day, every single day. And I love him I will do it all over again.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

krismimo said:


> I have done all of these things and I'm aware of what my vows are. It is hard to explain exactly how to feel in situations like these when people really dont comprehend nor can understand what I'am going through. To answer your question Jezza my husband does not think that way life is full of irony I could die before he does altough the chances are stacked aganist him. I'm sorry a life is not worth living in the corner somehwhere watching his every move because I think me may or may not die. The more he does his treatments that better. And on top of that I'm his caretaker I know more than anyone everything and I mean everything. You dont have to be blunt I live this every day, every single day. And I love him I will do it all over again.


You are right that it will be hard to understand what you are going through for those who are not in the same circumstance. Have you looked in to any support groups for spouses of people who have the condition that your husband does? Perhaps it would help to be able to talk with other people who are going through the same kind of life experience.

I would say that I could imagine it would be a normal thing to want to experience intimacy and sex with your spouse even if they are ill and that it would be frustrating to feel that you may not be able to indulge that. Can you, or do you, indulge in other intimacies throughout the day with your husband?

God Bless.


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## Larrelye (Aug 1, 2011)

Kris. Maybe I can at least try to sympathize. I married my husband as a parapalegic knowing full well that sex would be difficult. It just doesn't work without medication. And I don't think that ever in our 10 years has he had an orgasm despite my absolute best efforts. This wasn't an issue for me because at that time (age 20) I was so sexed out I couldn't fully enjoy it anyway.

We have had to be creative. Oral sex is incredible an I've gotten to where I prefer it over intercourse on some occasions. Heavy petting and extended foreplay will also likely do it for both of you if you allow yourself to focus on the closeness and the connection that you 2 are sharing. Some on top of the clothes action is nice as well without the vigorous activity, but likely isn't going to finish you off. You may have to change slightly your feelings about sex. For me it was a while before I could transition from physical stimulation caused orgasm to now, it's more the emotional feeling (along with physical of course) and I find it easier to finish and I find him more desirable than ever.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I give you a ton of credit, you are a beautiful person. I am not sure I could survive in your shoes- at least not during a time when my sex drive is high. I would get TOO depressed. I do not believe I could handle a caretaker role in my prime . It would destroy me. 

Just goes to show how vitally strong you are, and a great woman of character. 

There is a book that was written for sexual creativity -without intercourse >>> Amazon.com: Let Me Count the Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse (9780874779561): Marty Klein, Riki Robbins: Books


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