# What to make of this comment from my husband?



## ak41 (Sep 12, 2012)

My husband is talking to me on the phone about a new young guy that works with him, who is in a new relationship. Well my husband told him "don't rush and have sex because once you have sex it's done, that anticipation is gone, it will never be the same. The two of you start being weird to one another.

I was kind of hurt hearing him say this because we didn't rush sex at all and I remember even when we did decide to take that step I was scared that things would change between us which it didn't. And we spoke at length about it and how happy we were with the decision we made and how we felt and now coming up on three years later I hear him telling he told. this guy this. 

I am just really bothered. Should I be? Or am I taking it wrong?
Thanks for any thoughts.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Stupid male bonding conversation that you weren't meant to hear. Male bonding works and has since time began. It's like your septic tank. It works, be happy it works, but you don't want to stick your nose down there or spend time investigating. Anything you find there is gonna stink.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Considering your history, and the fact that your H was advocating his friend do the exact same thing, you should be complimented! How you read insult into that...makes no sense at all. Yup, you're taking it wrong.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

It sounds like he talks his walk...nothing wrong with honesty.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Why are you upset that he is telling this guy to take his time? 

That is what you guys did and it worked out.

I am guessing it is his comment about "once you have sex it is done, the anticipation is gone". Your husband was just trying to get him to take his time and not rush into sex. You have to admit there is some truth to what your husband says. It doesn't mean sex sucks after the first time. 

The point your husband is trying to get across is a good one. Don't rush into sex. If they wait until they have deeper feelings the sex will be better. And while once it is done, the anticipation for the first time might be gone, the anticipation for the NEXT time will be great as well.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Sounds like your H was giving him good, sound advice. After all, it worked for you and him, didn't it?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

ak41 said:


> "don't rush and have sex because once you have sex it's done, that anticipation is gone, it will never be the same. *The two of you start being weird to one another.
> *


WTF is that supposed to mean? Being weird to one another?

Sex adds a lot to a healthy relationship.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Wiserforit said:


> WTF is that supposed to mean? Being weird to one another?
> 
> Sex adds a lot to a healthy relationship.


I am thinking the OPs husband is talking to a younger guy in a new relationship.

I had this happen to me when I was younger. I was good friends with a girl from grades 8 to 11. We had fun together, joking around, but nothing romantic. 

One night at a party in Grade 12 we started making out. Pretty hot and heavy but no sex. Still it changed our relationship. For a bit, we were weird to one another. We actually were pretty well matched and had we dated for a while, we might have made a good couple.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> I am thinking the OPs husband is talking to a younger guy in a new relationship.
> 
> I had this happen to me when I was younger. I was good friends with a girl from grades 8 to 11. We had fun together, joking around, but nothing romantic.
> 
> One night at a party in Grade 12 we started making out. Pretty hot and heavy but no sex. Still it changed our relationship. For a bit, we were weird to one another. We actually were pretty well matched and had we dated for a while, we might have made a good couple.


Sure, I can see that most typically for young teens where the guy is hoping on getting his first girl to "put out". Once she does, now he has to deal with the fact it isn't someone he even wants to have sex with. 

But most of the comments here are taking it to mean a reflection upon this woman's marriage relationship.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I don't think it reflects on their marriage at all.

I think he's giving good advice -wait to have sex until you get to know each other, _because if you do it too soon in the relationship_, things can get weird (like the relationship becomes all about sex, you realize you have nothing to talk about, you realize you're incompatible, etc.). He's also saying waiting makes for a better first experience together because the anticipation makes it that much more exciting, so there's no reason to rush into it.

Yeah, he said all that in shorthand, so it may have sounded wrong, but that's what I got out of what he was saying.

In any event, I still don't think it has any reflection on their marriage.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

The OP's husband is giving good advice.

IMO there are too many young men (and as I understand it young women) who want to rush into sex before they have had a chance to really get to know their new partner. It seems that for some its all about the chase and once that goal has been scored they are no longer interested.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

What he speaks of if the truth! 

But he's not talking about your sex life. What your husband is telling him to do is what he did to win you over. By getting to know you better before going further, he's giving him a good example of how his method ended up earning him a wife instead of a short term relationship.


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