# what do u spend your evenings doing?



## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

now that your single and assuming after the children go to bed what do u find yourself doing? i think the being alone is something i'm starting to realize now so i've been reading a lot and sometimes watching tv but mostly playing around on the computer. i'm wondering what all of you do. is there a chat with these boards? never noticed before.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mama said:


> now that your single and assuming after the children go to bed what do u find yourself doing? i think the being alone is something i'm starting to realize now so i've been reading a lot and sometimes watching tv but mostly playing around on the computer. i'm wondering what all of you do. is there a chat with these boards? never noticed before.


what of those that don't have our kids with us 

I usually have the 24hr news channel on if there is nothing I want to watch on TV, chatting to friends on FB quite often, sometimes go out for tea.

yeah yeah, I know FB is eveil


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

well anyone can actually post. i just meant that once kids are in bed for those of us with kids living at home. i just find that i get bored and want to talk to others that understand u kwim? 
i have fb too, yes it can be evil. don't tell me u are one of those farmville people lol


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mama said:


> well anyone can actually post. i just meant that once kids are in bed for those of us with kids living at home. i just find that i get bored and want to talk to others that understand u kwim?
> i have fb too, yes it can be evil. don't tell me u are one of those farmville people lol


na, don't play the games


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

No Facebook here but I do play World of Warcraft. We all have our guilty pleasures! 

During the week I play on the computer mostly. Sometimes I will watch TV with the kids. 

I LOVE having the freedom to do this! My husband used to give me grief mercilessly when we lived together about my playing WoW, being on the forums, etc. Of course when HE did it, that was fine! 

On weekends I'll go out to a club to see a band or go to dinner with friends or my kids. Tomorrow I'm taking my daughter to dinner and then going to a local club and on Saturday I have plans to have dinner with friends. \

Sometimes I'll hang out at home, crack open a bottle of wine and get on the computer or listen to music. Nice way to relax. 

On weekends in the summer I go away at times. Probably be doing some camping trips. 

It's a good life! :smthumbup:


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

No, TAM doesn't have a chat feature.

I usually spend my evenings on the computer, watching TV, sewing, or knitting.


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

I go dancing once a week, dog walk every evening, knit, surf the internet, joined a once a month craft group, just joined a gym, watch a lot of NCIS and films.

Must admit I hate having no one to talk to in the evening....don't know if anyone else has found this but I'm at the stage where my friends are married and have kids, they don't go out all the time and even if they did now its just me I don't have the spare cash for a hectic social life.


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

Practice music, serious craft work, read.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Crying.  While I go on TAM, facebook, and sometimes read marriage saving books. My life has become pathetic. Gotta turn it around. Going to start going to the gym and taking my kids to the park in the evenings so I'm worn down enough to sleep.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> Crying.  While I go on TAM, facebook, and sometimes read marriage saving books. My life has become pathetic. Gotta turn it around. Going to start going to the gym and taking my kids to the park in the evenings so I'm worn down enough to sleep.


Oh my god..that's so sad. You gotta join a club and do something.

You should go on Yahoo and find some meet up groups. They have them for everything...even single moms with kids. Don't let the world pass you by!


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Oh my god..that's so sad. You gotta join a club and do something.
> 
> You should go on Yahoo and find some meet up groups. They have them for everything...even single moms with kids. Don't let the world pass you by!


I know, it's so sad. I have a good friend that lives alone because her fiance lives long distance. We'll be spending a good deal of time together, while I convince her never to marry!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Freak On a Leash said:


> You should go on Yahoo and find some meet up groups. They have them for everything...even single moms with kids.


I'm wondering why everyone thinks meet up groups are everywhere. They aren't. I know I can't drive three hours to attend one. Most people in my area have never even heard of them. They must be popular in some regions and not others.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Oh. I live in the northeast..specifically in the NY/NJ metro area. I just assumed they were everywhere. Here they are all over. I belong to 5 and there are tons more. 

It never occurred to me that if you live in a less populated area, which most do...

Sorry.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

LonelyNLost said:


> We'll be spending a good deal of time together, while I convince her never to marry!


Here's my line.."Get a life, not a man" :rofl: :smthumbup:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

everantisocial said:


> I go dancing once a week, dog walk every evening, knit, surf the internet, joined a once a month craft group, just joined a gym, watch a lot of NCIS and films.


No dog to walk (W took Max with her) but still go for walks most evenings, looking at joining a gym when funds permit.



> Must admit I hate having no one to talk to in the evening....don't know if anyone else has found this but I'm at the stage where my friends are married and have kids, they don't go out all the time and even if they did now its just me I don't have the spare cash for a hectic social life.


You are not alone there, one of the reason I have FB, gives me some interaction with people I like & care about, some who are in my position, some who aren't.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Crying.  While I go on TAM, facebook, and sometimes read marriage saving books. My life has become pathetic. Gotta turn it around. Going to start going to the gym and taking my kids to the park in the evenings so I'm worn down enough to sleep.


I still have pretty screwed up sleep pattens, so I am on Fb at some strange times, any time you want to chat, just holler.

Gym, taking the kids to parks are good, real good, ideas. 
It is all good and fine to join some activity group, but if they are evening groups you then have to find someone (free!) to look after the kids, not always easy or possible.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Oh. I live in the northeast..specifically in the NY/NJ metro area. I just assumed they were everywhere. Here they are all over. I belong to 5 and there are tons more.
> 
> It never occurred to me that if you live in a less populated area, which most do...
> 
> Sorry.


That explains it. I have actually thought about organizing my own group though. 

I understand about not having anyone to talk to in the evenings. That's the hard part. However, after almost three years I'm used to it. That's what the three cats are for, right?


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> I still have pretty screwed up sleep pattens, so I am on Fb at some strange times, any time you want to chat, just holler.
> 
> Gym, taking the kids to parks are good, real good, ideas.
> It is all good and fine to join some activity group, but if they are evening groups you then have to find someone (free!) to look after the kids, not always easy or possible.


Gotcha! I'll survive. Somehow.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Gotcha! I'll survive. Somehow.


you will, always someone around to be able to talk to, you just have to find them


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

did you ever think about making a private group on fb for those of us on fb? just another place to chat. lol


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> No dog to walk (W took Max with her) but still go for walks most evenings, looking at joining a gym when funds permit.


When my ex announced he was leaving he tried to convince me I wasn't fit to look after my dog. Eventhough I had done most of the walking, feeding and paying for his needs. Then he threatened me with lawyers to get the pup. The one day he did a complete U turn..I presume a dog didn't fit into his new woman's plans.

Glad he did, meant I had to get out of bed everyday and get out of the house.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mama said:


> did you ever think about making a private group on fb for those of us on fb? just another place to chat. lol


that thought had crossed my mind a few times, it is a pretty good idea, the chat function is not too bad 

Of course we would have to convince Freak to get on FB, that could be a problem


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

not recognizable said:


> If there is a YMCA near you, they have memberships on a sliding scale with no enrollment fee. My sweet father, hoping to stop me from spending all my time lying in bed when not at work, gifted me with a membership, but he only pays $30 per month.


na, no where remotely close, YMCA have pretty much gone by the wayside here.



> That can still be hard to afford in this economy, but it has made a world of difference to me. I have been able to go off the anti-depressant I had started after the separtion (although often enough I still need them).


Need to speak to the crisis team at some stage real soon about dropping the dosage if I can, the shakes annoy the heck out of me at times (fine motor skills only!)



> Just attempting to work out at home didn't work. Usually I drag myself into the gym barely alive but leave with more energy.


I have no probs doing the home workouts, but getting out would be better. Been for a couple of job interviews, at least one looks promising, so that will,be good.

cya


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

everantisocial said:


> When my ex announced he was leaving he tried to convince me I wasn't fit to look after my dog. Eventhough I had done most of the walking, feeding and paying for his needs. Then he threatened me with lawyers to get the pup. The one day he did a complete U turn..I presume a dog didn't fit into his new woman's plans.


Yeah, Max needs space, he isin't a small dog, apparently he gets walked twice a day, he needs it, he would turn to fat if he didn't get the exercise. 
Also good for W, might get her back in shape a bit I guess, gets her out of her place a little bit.



> Glad he did, meant I had to get out of bed everyday and get out of the house.


Motivation is always a bit hard to get when you are felling low !


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

freak... ru not on fb? come to the darkside lol


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Let me know if you create a Private Facebook group. 

MOst of the evenings I am so exhausted I end up falling asleep with my 2 year old son. I have not been able to sleep the entire night since basically the birth of our child, and then going through my ex H affair and divorce only made my sleep patterns worse. I even tried Melatonin and it does not work. I try to go out with my single parents group from Meetup when I can. I hate leaving my son to my parents on the weekends. They already watch him during the week. ex MIL lives too far away to drop him off and ex H is still in the US with his hoebag. He thinks that parenting is seeing your son on skype 2-3 times a week for maybe half an hour and sending the check every month. No day to day parenting responsibilities whatsoever.

It's tough at night when I come home and I have no one to talk to. Son has delayed speech plus he is only 2 years old. I don't even enojoy cooking anymore. God it is bad enough that many nights I eat dinner at 830pm but worse is that eating all alone.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mama said:


> freak... ru not on fb? come to the darkside lol


add me, add me  (or pm me and I'll add you


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

yeah, I know what you mean about the cooking, been 20 years since I had to do any cooking, and eating alone isin't all that much fun.
I try to eat tea around 6 - 6:30pm, watch the news etc, TV makes great company sometimes !

I don't often buy fresh food, but the frozen vegies are the next best thing, and I usually have some steaks, sausages, rissoles in the freezer.

No fancy meals, but enough that I get the needed nutrition, to get me through 

Oh, and a bowl of ice cream with choc mint topping is good as well 

the worst part is shopping, shopping for 1 is really hard, I don't want to buy 5 pieces of steak, or 20 sausages !!!


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

I was vegetarian anyway, so my new year's resolution was to only cook vegan food at home. This made me stop eating frozen pizza, crisps, cheese and all the easy quick bad for you food I had been relying on and forced me to think about what I was going to eat and to cook it. Have got used to cooking again, though not like I used to yet and have dropped weight.


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

Oh if there's a FB group count me in (even though I should hate the %£@* thing).


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

everantisocial said:


> I was vegetarian anyway, so my new year's resolution was to only cook vegan food at home. This made me stop eating frozen pizza, crisps, cheese and all the easy quick bad for you food I had been relying on and forced me to think about what I was going to eat and to cook it. Have got used to cooking again, though not like I used to yet and have dropped weight.


which is a good thing !!
I like my vegies, but I like to have meat as well, I get take away junk food once a week or fortnight. Sort of my treat to me.

As for dropping weight, thats not really an issue as long as you don't go too far below your 'ideal' weight


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

everantisocial said:


> Oh if there's a FB group count me in (even though I should hate the %£@* thing).


hehehe, another FB person.

No, we have yet to start a FB TAM group, if we do we will certainly announce it here on TAM

I find the online chat to be a fantastic medium for instant help / support, as I am sure others have as well.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Those of us who are not eating properly should take a whey protein supplement. 

Get that FB project started Crank!


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Crying.  While I go on TAM, facebook, and sometimes read marriage saving books. My life has become pathetic. Gotta turn it around. Going to start going to the gym and taking my kids to the park in the evenings so I'm worn down enough to sleep.


Thats how I was.. I was even having panic attacks about going to the bloody supermarket as I thought people would look at me and 'know' I wasn't capable of keeping my own H..

I spend alot of time on fbook now, annoying Crankypants  

I have got a couple of books, I try and read, sometimes I just can't get into sometimes.... I had great ambition to join a running club and go dancing once a week, but with the illness, I've had to knock it on the head


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Those of us who are not eating properly should take a whey protein supplement.


Yes, you should, knowing from experience that you get weaker, and you start feeling more down. and the cycle continues, 
You have to break the cycle !



> Get that FB project started Crank!


Why me ?


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Thats how I was.. I was even having panic attacks about going to the bloody supermarket as I thought people would look at me and 'know' I wasn't capable of keeping my own H..
> 
> 
> > Yeah, I go to the supermarket, and I am buying for 1 person, it is pretty obvious, but now I don't really care, still not easy buying for 1 though !
> ...


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

crank, you can buy big meat servings and then freeze them  heck my ex ate most of the meat i made so now i find for me and my kids i can split it into two servings. been spending less on groceries. 
if anyone wants to add me to fb let me know where i know you from http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002114917953


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

ok changed my fb settings. i think u should be able to add me. let me know if it doesn't work


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

mama said:


> ok changed my fb settings. i think u should be able to add me. let me know if it doesn't work


I've just tried to add you lovely, it'll be a pic of my 3 kids so you know who I am


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

ok added you. your kids are adorable !


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

mama said:


> ok added you. your kids are adorable !


 Thank you x


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mama said:


> crank, you can buy big meat servings and then freeze them


And I do, but it is stuff like flavoured packet rice that serves 4, I should just pour them into containers and go from there I guess  (more damn containers in the fridge !)



> heck my ex ate most of the meat i made so now i find for me and my kids i can split it into two servings. been spending less on groceries.


Funny thing is, W always use to give me the biggest piece of meat, I would always say no, I'll have a smaller piece, cut the bigger one in 1/2 :shrugs:



> if anyone wants to add me to fb let me know where i know you from http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002114917953


Req sent, you know me from here 

See wall & wall pics for Paul


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## mama (Feb 25, 2011)

ok added you and a few others from this site. not sure who is who though lol those that i added can u just drop me a note to tell me who u are on tam? just so i can keep everyone straight


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mama said:


> ok added you. your kids are adorable !


Got ya


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

mama said:


> ok added you and a few others from this site. not sure who is who though lol those that i added can u just drop me a note to tell me who u are on tam? just so i can keep everyone straight


Does get a little confusing doesn't it 

bit of paper next to my desk with forum names with real names next to them plus time differences night be the way to go for me


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> Does get a little confusing doesn't it
> 
> bit of paper next to my desk with forum names with real names next to them plus time differences night be the way to go for me


Theres how to do it - it does get confusing :scratchhead:


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Since we are talking about healthy food for Loyal Spouses here are some ideas:

Quinoa salad with canned chickpeas(rinse them well), cherry tomatoes, feta cheese, lemon zest, lemon juice, sliced yellow pepper,

Couscous salad with chickpeas, green onions, peppers, tomatoes, pancetta bits(italian bacon), lemon juice, pepper and salt.

BUtternut squash soup with fresh ginger(google for recipes there are tons of them)

You can make this all in one day and have different healthy lunch every day for work. Plus makes me all happy that now ex H is eating Subway or in restaurants with salt loaded food(bad for his diabetes) since the OW can only cook in a microwave(as per her ex H).

So is anyone going to create a group on FB? I know there is a page for TAM on facebook but that one is public.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Happy to create one - any name suggestions?


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> Happy to create one - any name suggestions?


TAMed I see it is, good on ya BH


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

The actual TAM web page on FB has 4933 likes


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

notreadytoquit said:


> The actual TAM web page on FB has 4933 likes


compare that to the number of users on here 
I mean, heck I have a youtube video with almost 270,000 views 

YouTube - Ogrish Ladies


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Our Facebook page has been around for a while, but we didn't have a group or discussion board on Facebook associated with it. Since I was told about this thread though, I went ahead and set some stuff up - not sure if this is exactly what you guys were looking for though. Let me know.

I made an open "Talk About Marriage" group (this one has chat):
Login | Facebook

Here's the URL for the regular facebook page:
http://cdn.talkaboutmarriage.net/images/styles/marriage/facebook-logo.jpg


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

I don't think any of us wanted to be a a part of an open group.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> I don't think any of us wanted to be a a part of an open group.


I agree with that, I would prefer what I have to say is kept to a group of people that I have the utmost trust in. 

For example, Crankshaw was born about 3 months ago because the usual alias I use has been around for near on 20 years, and hundreds & hundreds of people know that alias, very few of whom I want to know the BS that I have been going through over the last few months.


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

for me it has been alot of crying, barely sleeping, having trouble eating, watching tv(got to get me fill, cant afford it when i move) and just found a place called meetup.com joined two groups (see if they do anything the interests me) this one is alittle out of my comfort zone since i tend to be very shy around strangers but it is worth a shot..the hubby took the dog..and i am very limited on cash..hope to find myself..just not sure how to go about it


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## Limbo Man (Apr 10, 2011)

I listen to a lot of music, drink copious amounts of green tea and stare at the wall until I fall asleep on the couch. 

Getting dinner for the kids and putting them to bed is a good distraction, but once they are down it's me, myself and I. I can't seem to read a book or watch a movie anymore. I just have lost all interest. I spend all day on a pc at work, so when I get home the last thing I want to do is stare at a screen. I check FB every half hour or so hoping to find someone to talk to but all my friends and family are married with children. 

This sucks.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I am fortunate because I split 50/50 custody with my 1st XH so that means I have every other week to myself. On those weeks I visit friends, volunteer, go out to dinner, sometimes just come home and veg and watch TV.

The weeks I have my kids I am dedicated to them. That's usually being a chauffeur to them, and hanging out with them and just loving being a Mom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Same I have two usual handles neither of which sound anything like what I use here.

I am not single yet but I see my single life going on much like it does now while cohabitating.

Durng the day take kid to school watch the other kid while chatting on here and doing chrores around the house. In evening she is home so play some video games with her cook dinner etc.Been going to bed with the entire house except when she isn't home. Then I tend to stay up and read until I feel like laying down. When This is finalized throw in some work during the day or evening probaly gonna start off in a swing peon job while I wait to get into the LEA. Then it willbe that for a couple months while the grandparents have the kids then it will be work kids work kids work kids and hopefuly find something on the side :wink:


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## Momof2inMT (Apr 9, 2011)

It took me about 10 minutes to come up with a nickname for this site, I have one of 2 names I have gone by online for as long as I can remember, and here I want to feel like I can be totally open and honest around people who has no preconceived notions of me whatsoever!

OH! I know no one here knows me yet, but I'm on FB too =)
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1061292635

I get how odd I is that I just boasted about remaining anonymous here and yet I just posted my FB profile link that shows everyone exactly who I am. I trust that if you know me, you won't judge me (hopefully those that don;t know me won;t judge me either, just sayin. If you feel the need to do so, do it inside your own head, please =)


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