# Financial stuff questions....



## Claire (May 1, 2009)

Things on the homefront do not seem to be improving.

I made the mistake several years ago of letting him take over paying the bills b/c I was getting so mad about his income not covering it, it was better for me to just not get worked up about it by seeing it.

Well, about 7 mos ago, I realized that I really had come to a point that I didn't have a clue what we have financially and Asked him if he would.. (and keep in mind this was way before we got to the point of talking separation) please get together all of our financial information, he didn't even need to go over it with me, just SHOW me, where he keeps all the stock certificates, what bills we pay, what Insurance we have etc, so that IF for some reason something were to happen to him I would not be in the dark and it would all be in one place.

Well, Over these months I have randomly asked this, and he has never bothered to get it together for me, I never saw much urgency in it til now... the other day he got mad at me and told me he was going to the bank to get 10k out and give it to me to go live with my mother for the summer... I said no, I'm not going anywhere, if you have a problem you can move out.. anyway, it got me thinking.. where the hell is he getting 10k? I didn't even know we had that..and if that is what he was so easily willing to hand over, how much more IS THERE!?... I questioned him on this, and he said he had access to some money and left it at that with no explanation.

NOW, I am almost paranoid to ask for what I asked for back in december, b/c things have escalated to a sticky point where we aren't sure what is going to happen. Is there a way for me to find out what we have without having to go through him?


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## frustratedinphx (Dec 29, 2007)

I too relinquished all bill paying and money handling to my husband. If your accounts are joint, as long as you know the names of the institutions, you should be able to call and ask for access to statements, balances, etc. However if there is anything in just his name, they'll likely need your permission. It's easier than you think. You just have to be patient and persistent. Good luck!


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Also, you can go on line and order his credit report. That tells you a lot (on the bill paying side). I was shocked when I saw my stbx's credit report.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Until and unless you choose to file for legal separation or divorce, he really doesn't have to disclose anything.
However, I would also factor in that if you are now questioning him about debt, and assets, he is probably assuming that filing is your intention, and therefore is defensive.

You can certainly get a notion of your expenses by referencing new bills via the mail, or referencing old bills - and contacting the provider for a history. 

Make a copy of your 08 tax return for reference. Any investment or retirement accounts will undoubtedly be accounted for in the return.

Does he get direct deposit, or cash a check?
If you have a joint account, you can certainly go to the bank and request a statement history. At least in this way, you can also see if he has been pulling money out.

Basically, in your current circumstance, if he's lying to you there isn't much you can do about it.

I ended up in a similar circumstance with my ex. She surrendered all money matters to me. She was completely oblivious. I wasn't doing anything nefarious. There was no money to hide.
We were in financial trouble. I put a substantial amount of family related purchases on a credit card, gas, food shopping, car repairs. Over 2 years, it probably came out to 6k. When going through mediation she was indignant that I asked her to assume half of that debt - yet she has no issue with assuming half of my retirement accounts.
We worked it out. We really aren't at all hostile towards one another.
But, I would advise you to get a handle on being aware of what comes in, and what is going out.
Should you choose to divorce, he has no choice but to report all of that information. He could try to hide stuff, but that would be a very stupid thing to do. Law doesn't look kindly on that.


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