# First date set. Second guessimg myself a bit



## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

So, I was messaging this woman on the dating site and I asked for her cell so we can set a time to meet. She gave it and I called the next day after work. I was originally going to set it for during the week, but I picked Friday as she had something for work on Wednesday. I guess I screwed myself for another date on Saturday; should it work out. No? We spoke for about and hour and everything seemed to gel nicely. No pauses consistent talking and laughing. She received a call for work and had to go. She offered to talk tomorrow to setup a date, but I just decided it's best to set it up to night for Friday. I prob. should had picked Thursday. I didn't want to just talk another day before meeting. I could risk entering in the friendzone if we talk so much prior to meeting. Yes, this had happened before to me. Confused if my actions were on par.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Does not matter when the date is. She will know if she wants to date you again during the first date, so whether there is a Saturday coming up or not, it is not going to matter as far as getting a second date.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Don't overthink it. I agree with Vinny -- doesn't much matter what night the date is. If you're meant to spend more time together there will be a second date .

Just relax and enjoy yourself!


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

I feel oreett confident. The call was very positive we were both laughing. Very fluid. I know, I sould like a giddy kid. Just s bit nervous. Haven't been on a date for over a decade. I do not know what's proper prior to the date . It's four days away. Aside from confirming the night before, do I contact prior?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The night before is good enough.
You are not in the right frame of mind, though. You are worried to death whether she's going to like you. You should be worried if you're going to like HER.
Do not put yourself in a situation where you care if she doesn't want to date you again. People can inherently sense that crap, and it drives them away.

Go into the date feeling like they have to impress YOU.
After all, you can find lots of dates.
Then have a good time, and for cgoidness sake don't worry if SHE has a good time. You worry about having fun yourself. If you do, she likely will, too.
You do not need this woman to like you. You have other options. Tell yourself this.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What is the date? Coffee meet? Dinner?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You are thinking and obsessing about this waaaay too much. You barely know her. If she could read this, do you think she'd see confidence or fear? 

Not being hard on you, A-D, we all went through the same for those of us who found ourselves on the market again. Be very wary of investing too much too soon or you WILL be disappointed. Enjoy the ride, be confident about your choices, and your dates will see this and respond in kind (if they like you)!

I know it's a learning process, and going to be lots of trial/error. The confidence will grow the more that you date. 

My thoughts: set dates when you're both available (as long as she's free Friday, it's fine, better than Saturday for a first date IMO) 
, go to coffee shops at first (less pressure, more casual that way), and leave alcohol out of it until a 3rd date. You need to meet women stone cold sober (both them and you). 

Good luck!!


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Go with the purpose of having fun. That's it.

You have too much crap going on in your head.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Almost-Done said:


> I do not know what's proper prior to the date . It's four days away. Aside from confirming the night before, do I contact prior?


Don't overthink this. It would be correct to maintain about the same frequency of communication you've had up to this point. If you two have been chatting every couple of days, continue that. If you've been going 3-4 days between contact, then just a call/text the night before to confirm would be fine. But if you've been chatting daily, then there's certainly no need to stop communicating for three days just because you have a date set up.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> The night before is good enough.
> You are not in the right frame of mind, though. You are worried to death whether she's going to like you. You should be worried if you're going to like HER.
> Do not put yourself in a situation where you care if she doesn't want to date you again. People can inherently sense that crap, and it drives them away.
> 
> ...


Guess I am being a bit too concerned about her and not enough about me. Conditioning from my ex-wife. I need to reboot myself. I wasn't like this prior to marriage. Yes, I know, it's hard to believe. Even me re-reading this post is a bit pathetic. Still working on getting back to my former amazing self. Marriage and divorce changes a person. It's like a war or battle..


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> What is the date? Coffee meet? Dinner?


Drinks and something to eat. I do not drink, but it's on the table; should she wish to drink. Her profile says once a week drink. It's after work.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Satya said:


> You are thinking and obsessing about this waaaay too much. You barely know her. If she could read this, do you think she'd see confidence or fear?
> 
> Not being hard on you, A-D, we all went through the same for those of us who found ourselves on the market again. Be very wary of investing too much too soon or you WILL be disappointed. Enjoy the ride, be confident about your choices, and your dates will see this and respond in kind (if they like you)!
> 
> ...


I know. I've have convos before, and I was just amazed how free flowing and easy it was. To be honest, I could had talked for her in hours. We've even said we were on the same page on a lot of things. It was refreshing to see I didn't have to do all the talking; like with my ex-wife and others I've dated in my 20's. Though, I didn't say I was divorced yet. I did note it in my profile. 

I know, by my posts, I may come off as unconfident and weak at times. IRL, not so much. I guess because I can just say want I want to say w/o being personally judged. 

As you say, it's a learning process.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

eric1 said:


> Go with the purpose of having fun. That's it.
> 
> You have too much crap going on in your head.


Possibly.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Rowan said:


> Don't overthink this. It would be correct to maintain about the same frequency of communication you've had up to this point. If you two have been chatting every couple of days, continue that. If you've been going 3-4 days between contact, then just a call/text the night before to confirm would be fine. But if you've been chatting daily, then there's certainly no need to stop communicating for three days just because you have a date set up.


Don't want to get too chummy. I've been friendzoned before due to that. That's a no go. I will follow what you've suggested and re-confirm the night before.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This is just a first date, don't over-complicate it. You don't even know you even like her yet and you're already thinking about a second date?? Chill out and just focus on having a good time with her.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I can't really add anything to what has already been posted. Relax, and just enjoy yourself. Absolutely no pressure. It's a first date for heaven's sake. If it's meant to be it will happen. No need to read more into it than just meeting somebody new for good conversation, maybe more if it goes well.

The first time I talked to my wife of 20+ years was on the phone. We talked for three and a half hours long distance. The conversation felt like we had known each other all of our lives. We were definitely on the same page in everything we talked about. I was pretty nervous about meeting her in person, how the first date would go, etc., but I came to the conclusion that if it was meant to be we would click the same way we did on the phone. We didn't even know what each other looked like except for our self-descriptions.

Just don't sweat it! Everything will be okay regardless of how the date turns out.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Good luck. I hope she is nice and things go well and that she is not one of those serial daters that is only looking for a free meal. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Just set a low key meetup,a drink or some coffee, have low expectations and just see what happens. You will likely have a lot of these before you meet someone you'll click with. You are wise to not wait long to meet, the sooner the better.

Just don't spend a lot or expect a lot and have fun. Dating is suppose to be fun


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You're overthinking this way too much OP. It's just a date. You don't even know her...until you meet someone in person you don't know them at all.

Just relax, enjoy yourself and have a good time


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Yep it's just a date, you may meet her and not find her sexually attractive, or she may be a bore in person.

Who knows what will happen? If you both mutually like each other and want more you can both go there. If one or both of you aren't feeling it, you can both move on with best of luck to all etc.

The earlier you can meet for a date, the better off you both are. If there's nothing you can determine that early, rather than wasting time to no end. If there's something, you can get on with spending that time to an end.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

I know. I guess I am little surprised how well the call went. You'd be surprised. When I was dating in my 20's, and even my ex-wife, some of the calls were like pulling teeth. This was surprisingly very easy flowing and relaxing. I get it not to put the cart before the horse though. I won some gift cards from a promo on the radio. The meet won't cost me anything aside from fuel. 

Another problem I have is I have four other girls who forwarded me their number and asked me to call them. One even specifically said to call, not text. I think that's where I made my mistake on the first one. I texted instead of called. Reason being, she said to text, so I did what she asked. We are strangers... Still, I do have the most interest in this one.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Low expectations........ do NOT expect anything but politeness on both sides.

You already have this image of her in your mind and 99.9% of the time when you do this,

you will be let down. Reason you should not do this. This is what teenagers do.

That's why they're so much in love after three weeks. STOP IT!

Do not even entertain the thought of a 2nd date. You will talk yourself into looking past

possible red flags. Be yourself, do NOT attempt to impress. You don't even know if there is 

chemistry yet. One step at a time.....


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

I wholeheartedly agree. I know I seem a bit over anxious in my posts, I was just relaying that I was surprised how fluid the call was and how happy and positive her messages were. I am not giving my hopes up, but it was a lot different vibe than I've received from other women in the past. That is all. It's a rush of emotions that I've not felt before in years. I guess I am still getting used to everything again. Doing this over near 40, not what I was originally expecting.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Almost-Done said:


> I wholeheartedly agree. I know I seem a bit over anxious in my posts, I was just relaying that I was surprised how fluid the call was and how happy and positive her messages were. I am not giving my hopes up, but it was a lot different vibe than I've received from other women in the past. That is all. It's a rush of emotions that I've not felt before in years. I guess I am still getting used to everything again. Doing this over near 40, not what I was originally expecting.


I can understand that...I personally hate dating...I'm a relationship person not a dating person lol. 

Just keep it in perspective, don't overthink it and go with the flow. You'll be just fine


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Almost-Done said:


> I wholeheartedly agree. I know I seem a bit over anxious in my posts, I was just relaying that I was surprised how fluid the call was and how happy and positive her messages were. I am not giving my hopes up, but it was a lot different vibe than I've received from other women in the past. That is all. It's a rush of emotions that I've not felt before in years. I guess I am still getting used to everything again. Doing this over near 40, not what I was originally expecting.


Just remember, if she has ever said that she likes to see a man in uniform, she does NOT mean a Star Trek uniform. I learned that the hard way.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

frusdil said:


> I can understand that...I personally hate dating...I'm a relationship person not a dating person lol.
> 
> Just keep it in perspective, don't overthink it and go with the flow. You'll be just fine


Either am I. I have five women who want to "talk" because messaging is too impersonal. A bit overwhelmed as I do not want to lead any on until I know if one is going to enter in to a second date or not. How do people handle multiple people at once? How long does one wait until calling? I was always told not to be too eager, it makes you look desperate. I think I screwed the first one up by texting instead of calling. So, I am learning. Never do that again. Kinda hard to have fun while it's stressful at times figuring whom to call and setup. Ironically, the ones that I wrote off weeks ago are the first ones who gave me their number to call. Strange.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Steve1000 said:


> Just remember, if she has ever said that she likes to see a man in uniform, she does NOT mean a Star Trek uniform. I learned that the hard way.


Duly noted. Hehe.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Steve1000 said:


> Just remember, if she has ever said that she likes to see a man in uniform, she does NOT mean a Star Trek uniform. I learned that the hard way.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

How do you handle multiple women? Just like you handled the one. You are not wise to go along putting all your eggs in one basket at a time. Dating multiple women at once gives one the incredible gift of seeing each one without new rose colored glasses.

Warning: There are a TON of people that sound like wonderful people over the phone, like angels texting. Rarely do they show up as you envisioned in person..

Go into this date with the idea That you are still looking, and you may consider going on a date with another one of your interests just as likely as this one. That way you can make a decision out of logic instead of necessity.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Almost-Done said:


> Either am I. I have five women who want to "talk" because messaging is too impersonal. A bit overwhelmed as I do not want to lead any on until I know if one is going to enter in to a second date or not. How do people handle multiple people at once? How long does one wait until calling? I was always told not to be too eager, it makes you look desperate. I think I screwed the first one up by texting instead of calling. So, I am learning. Never do that again. Kinda hard to have fun while it's stressful at times figuring whom to call and setup. Ironically, the ones that I wrote off weeks ago are the first ones who gave me their number to call. Strange.


It's a bit of a minefield out there, lol. It's different strokes for different folks - some women will be fine with texting but others (like me) prefer a phone call. The key is to listen and pick up those things by listening 

There is nothing wrong with going on dates with more than one woman, as long as you don't string them all along for 5 or 6 dates - and don't sleep with them, that's not fair. Then again, that's just my perspective...another woman may post in a moment that she'd be fine with sex on the first date, lol.

The thing to remember is that the whole point of dating is to have fun and find a lady who's values align with yours...she may be the first or second woman you meet, she may be the 20th, but you wont know until you try.

Just go with the flow...unless she is physically repulsive to you (BO or dirty teeth lol), or behaves in a way you can't abide (rude to the wait staff for example) give her a second date...we're all nervous on a first date...we've all sounded like bumbling idiots who talk way too much at some point or another


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

frusdil said:


> It's a bit of a minefield out there, lol. It's different strokes for different folks - some women will be fine with texting but others (like me) prefer a phone call. The key is to listen and pick up those things by listening
> 
> There is nothing wrong with going on dates with more than one woman, as long as you don't string them all along for 5 or 6 dates - and don't sleep with them, that's not fair. Then again, that's just my perspective...another woman may post in a moment that she'd be fine with sex on the first date, lol.
> 
> ...


I completely agree on the text vs. phone call. I will turn 45 this year but.... I always prefer the phone.

You can cover in phone in 5 minutes what takes an hour in continuous text. The first girl I text / FB messaged 

with in late 2014 would ALWAYS get things misconstrued. It got to the point, I refused to text

with her. We lived 7 miles apart, I'd rather talk at your porch or mine, in person.

Endless texting / messaging for over a week and no plans to met if you are less than 

100 miles apart, is a HUGE red flag.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

So, the results of the date. She was early, which was a plus. Looked exactly as her pics, a plus. And there was instant chemistry (I think). She arrived at 7, I was there a couple minutes later. Laughing and talking for about five hours until closing time at the place we were at. At the end of the night, ironically, our cars were right next to each other, and we had two long kisses. I said we should do something again, and she agreed.

I was surprised how well it went. I was thinking of meeting up with her again during the week and then, if that goes well, inviting her to my place for next weekend so I may cook us dinner and watch some movies.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Good......Now don't go ga ga crazy over this and think your search is over......Date other people but keep it to yourself......


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Betrayedone said:


> Good......Now don't go ga ga crazy over this and think your search is over......Date other people but keep it to yourself......


Agreed. I am working on setting up dates with others. However, I'd be lying if I didn't say I have good amount of interest in this one.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Almost-Done said:


> So, the results of the date. She was early, which was a plus. Looked exactly as her pics, a plus. And there was instant chemistry (I think). She arrived at 7, I was there a couple minutes later. Laughing and talking for about five hours until closing time at the place we were at. At the end of the night, ironically, our cars were right next to each other, and we had two long kisses. I said we should do something again, and she agreed.
> 
> I was surprised how well it went. I was thinking of meeting up with her again during the week and then, if that goes well, inviting her to my place for next weekend so I may cook us dinner and watch some movies.


Whoa, ease up there, hoppy! Jumping the gun here a bit! If she agrees to another date, set it up for the weekend... to go OUT, not your place, not yet. You will shoot yourself in the foot being over-eager.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> Whoa, ease up there, hoppy! Jumping the gun here a bit! If she agrees to another date, set it up for the weekend... to go OUT, not your place, not yet. You will shoot yourself in the foot being over-eager.


True dat! One step at a time. See how the next date goes and then set a third date. Continue on neutral territory until you see the signs. Your place or her place will still be there regardless of where you start off.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Ynot said:


> True dat! One step at a time. See how the next date goes and then set a third date. Continue on neutral territory until you see the signs. Your place or her place will still be there regardless of where you start off.


There in lies a small issue. She's 33 and lives with her parents. She has a twin sister who just moved out because she got married. She lives in the high rent district so she feels it's better to save money than to waste on rent. However, during the date, she did seem interested in cooking with me and movie nights at my place. Normally, a woman living with her parents, I would decline, however, we really hit it off really well.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> Whoa, ease up there, hoppy! Jumping the gun here a bit! If she agrees to another date, set it up for the weekend... to go OUT, not your place, not yet. You will shoot yourself in the foot being over-eager.


I believe you are right. Need to chill myself a bit.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Almost-Done said:


> There in lies a small issue. She's 33 and lives with her parents. She has a twin sister who just moved out because she got married. She lives in the high rent district so she feels it's better to save money than to waste on rent. However, during the date, she did seem interested in cooking with me and movie nights at my place. Normally, a woman living with her parents, I would decline, however, we really hit it off really well.


No problem, your place will always be there no matter where you start out. I dated a 55 y/o woman who was living with her dad. Her dad was older and she was taking care of him. It wasn't that big of an issue. (there were other issues, but that isn't what this post is about). Still take it one step at a time. If the second date goes well, then discuss the third date. Just take it one day at a time and don't get ahead of yourself


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Nothing wrong with living with parents--- but there is if she's not responsible enough to handle life on her own. Job?
I will give you some advice---/
You're highly vulnerable right now. If you see a red flag, don't ignore it. Dating a woman and getting attached to her and breaking up because she has big problems will put you back to square one emotionally


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Ynot said:


> No problem, your place will always be there no matter where you start out. I dated a 55 y/o woman who was living with her dad. Her dad was older and she was taking care of him. It wasn't that big of an issue. (there were other issues, but that isn't what this post is about). Still take it one step at a time. If the second date goes well, then discuss the third date. Just take it one day at a time and don't get ahead of yourself


Her Mom had breast cancer last year and the parents are in their 70s, so she wants to be there for them. I can respect that. It a set back, but she seems to have a good head on her shoulders.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Nothing wrong with living with parents--- but there is if she's not responsible enough to handle life on her own. Job?
> I will give you some advice---/
> You're highly vulnerable right now. If you see a red flag, don't ignore it. Dating a woman and getting attached to her and breaking up because she has big problems will put you back to square one emotionally


Agreed. However, she has tenure as a teacher which she's been for 10 years. She also volunteers to help children once or twice a week. She even stated (without me asking) that she's been saving money, has a fully funded pension and 403b. She said she's saving for a home one day. We will see I guess.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sounds like a good possibility. Better stay cool. Relationships should be 50/50.

Don't go overboard.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Almost-Done said:


> So, the results of the date. She was early, which was a plus. Looked exactly as her pics, a plus. And there was instant chemistry (I think). She arrived at 7, I was there a couple minutes later. Laughing and talking for about five hours until closing time at the place we were at. At the end of the night, ironically, our cars were right next to each other, and we had two long kisses. I said we should do something again, and she agreed.
> 
> I was surprised how well it went. I was thinking of meeting up with her again during the week and then, if that goes well, inviting her to my place for next weekend so I may cook us dinner and watch some movies.


That's great news  Glad it went well!! 

If you like her, call her within a day or so (no longer) and organise a firm plan for the next date. If that one goes well, before you leave set up the next one...my husband did that when we were dating - always firmed up the next date...I LOVED it!!! He always called when he said he would, and if he was running late he'd text me to let me know and that he'd call at X time instead if that was ok with me...He valued my time as well as his own. Big brownie points 

Continue to plan other dates until you know if you want to continue to see this woman...they don't have to be fancy - just a coffee date will be fine. Just continue to keep your options open for now. You'll know after two or three dates with this woman whether you want to be exclusive with her...continuing to date others after three or so dates with this one would not be fair.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Nothing wrong with living with parents--- but there is if she's not responsible enough to handle life on her own. Job?
> I will give you some advice---/
> You're highly vulnerable right now. If you see a red flag, don't ignore it. Dating a woman and getting attached to her and breaking up because she has big problems will put you back to square one emotionally


Has she EVER lived alone or with roommate? Or lived with a guy before?

Granted.... if she has a four year degree she was in the first group of students whom I call

"wallpaper degree holders." Got a degree, can't do a damn thing with it, have $60,000

in student loans. HITF... can they move out.... SL's, rent, car, food, lights, water, etc.

$60k @ 60 months... like a damn mortgage payment by itself. So... it's not as big a deal being 33

and living at home. You don't have a choice. Wasn't that way 20-30 years ago.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

frusdil said:


> That's great news  Glad it went well!!
> 
> If you like her, call her within a day or so (no longer) and organise a firm plan for the next date. If that one goes well, before you leave set up the next one...my husband did that when we were dating - always firmed up the next date...I LOVED it!!! He always called when he said he would, and if he was running late he'd text me to let me know and that he'd call at X time instead if that was ok with me...He valued my time as well as his own. Big brownie points
> 
> Continue to plan other dates until you know if you want to continue to see this woman...they don't have to be fancy - just a coffee date will be fine. Just continue to keep your options open for now. You'll know after two or three dates with this woman whether you want to be exclusive with her...continuing to date others after three or so dates with this one would not be fair.


:iagree:

Hold off the dinner and movie thing until the third or fourth date. Often on my 2nd or 3rd 

"official" date (coffee meet n greet, not a real date), I have gathered what she enjoys doing

or would like to do sometime (a female will say she is interested in things the guy likes,

even if she has never done it or doesn't have any interest in). Make the date interesting...

I live at the foothills of a National Park. "I can't exactly tell you what we are doing but

dress very casual." But only do that, that early if you got a good feel about her.

One thing I have learned over the last couple years, females 32 and up.... will bring up the "dinner at home

and movie" after 2,3, or 4 dates. Mostly at their place. But in OPs case, would have to be

at his. First couple "home dates" OP cooks, usually the female will offer to then cook.

As Frus said.... you're the guy, nail down the next date eye to eye. Date doesn't have to be

"set in stone" but if it will be Saturday evening, lock that down immediately.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

She did hit about cooking with me on the first date. She stated she's a great baker and would like to learn to cook more. That is why I thought it would be a good third date, with a date during the week. However, I do not want to be too overzealous. I did text her this morning (I got home at 2am after our date last night) and said I had a wonderful time and look forward to seeing her again very soon. She replied back 3 hours later and said so does she. Prior to our first date, she did reply back within minutes. I could be over thinking things, however, aside from us sitting down to get to know each other, she didn't touch her phone once. I will call her after work on Monday and see if she wants to do something on Saturday. One would assume that since I texted her this morning, if she had second thoughts, she could had killed it right there via text. All I can do is try.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Chuck71 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Hold off the dinner and movie thing until the third or fourth date. Often on my 2nd or 3rd
> 
> ...


I saw an ad on Facebook for painting near her. I am going to suggest we do a paint date then dinner. I think that will be a nice relaxing experience. 

I love to cook, so it's no issue for me to cook. I cook all the time for myself, family and the neighbors in the nice weather. Just think it would be a really nice experience for us both to cook together. Hopefully, we'll get to a third date and that will be experienced.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Chuck71 said:


> Has she EVER lived alone or with roommate? Or lived with a guy before?
> 
> Granted.... if she has a four year degree she was in the first group of students whom I call
> 
> ...


Don't think so. I do not know if she has an student loans. However, I should ask her; should we get more comfortable with each other. I know about the wallpaper degrees. Her's are in childhood education (BS & MS). Full medical, dental, pension, tenure, etc. What's more important is it seems she is really passionate and loves what she does. I've met so many teachers who are just there for security and couldn't care less. It will be nice to see if her personality changes. Most are on their best behavior, so I do have that in the back of my mind. Since this is the second go around, I am more wiser than prior to my marriage. I have my ears and eyes peeled. Every person starts with a clean slate, however, I will lean on my experience and gut to get me through the minefield of dating.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> Sounds like a good possibility. Better stay cool. Relationships should be 50/50.
> 
> Don't go overboard.


Agreed. I am keeping that in mind. I was way too nice to my ex-wife. Wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too nice and too accepting for whatever SHE wants for too long. Not going down that road again.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

frusdil said:


> That's great news  Glad it went well!!
> 
> If you like her, call her within a day or so (no longer) and organise a firm plan for the next date. If that one goes well, before you leave set up the next one...my husband did that when we were dating - always firmed up the next date...I LOVED it!!! He always called when he said he would, and if he was running late he'd text me to let me know and that he'd call at X time instead if that was ok with me...He valued my time as well as his own. Big brownie points
> 
> Continue to plan other dates until you know if you want to continue to see this woman...they don't have to be fancy - just a coffee date will be fine. Just continue to keep your options open for now. You'll know after two or three dates with this woman whether you want to be exclusive with her...continuing to date others after three or so dates with this one would not be fair.


If she continues to be who she was on the first date, I can see something. However, my eyes are wide open. It was the longest first kiss I ever had, so I went back for a second.  We'll see, not going to get ahead of myself here. I will call after work on Monday. Six days ahead of Saturday should be enough time.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Almost-Done said:


> She did hit about cooking with me on the first date. She stated she's a great baker and would like to learn to cook more. That is why I thought it would be a good third date, with a date during the week. However, I do not want to be too overzealous. I did text her this morning (I got home at 2am after our date last night) and said I had a wonderful time and look forward to seeing her again very soon. She replied back 3 hours later and said so does she. Prior to our first date, she did reply back within minutes. I could be over thinking things, however, aside from us sitting down to get to know each other, she didn't touch her phone once. I will call her after work on Monday and see if she wants to do something on Saturday. One would assume that since I texted her this morning, if she had second thoughts, she could had killed it right there via text. All I can do is try.


Even if my date went schitty... I always ask the female to let me know she made it home safe.

Just a -Home safe, good night- is all I ask. Maybe I'm old school but I always want to know

she made it home safe, even if she was an arse on the date. Like Frus's b/f, he said he 

would call at xxx. And he did. That can give the girl the chance to blow you off "politely."

But if she doesn't know when you will call, she may miss your call and then you think she was 

blowing you off and you move on. She's there thinking -WTF I liked him and he never called me back-

Course that's from the pre-text/email days. Things have changed.

But when you nail down a date for next time.... half of your questions are already answered.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Read up very carefully and apply it
http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LE..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=Tclk3n7UFS2.24g1glsduMFyNjg-


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Almost-Done said:


> There in lies a small issue. She's 33 and lives with her parents. She has a twin sister who just moved out because she got married. She lives in the high rent district so she feels it's better to save money than to waste on rent. However, during the date, she did seem interested in cooking with me and movie nights at my place. Normally, a woman living with her parents, I would decline, however, we really hit it off really well.


After my divorce (early 30s) I lived with my mom and much younger siblings while I was working and saving rent money. I bought all my own groceries and helped around the house. I lived an independent existence and was able to successfully date guys for 2 years before I could afford move into my own place. My husband found me a year later. 

Don't write off a woman that age living at home. If she's not obviously a mooch, there's probably a good story behind it that you don't know.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Chuck71 said:


> Even if my date went schitty... I always ask the female to let me know she made it home safe.
> 
> Just a -Home safe, good night- is all I ask. Maybe I'm old school but I always want to know
> 
> ...


Yea, I know. I should had texted her to see if she arrived home safely. My bad. It's only a few miles from her home, but, it would had been the right thing to do. I was exhausted and hit the bed as soon as I got home. It was an hour drive home for me.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> Read up very carefully and apply it
> http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LE..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=Tclk3n7UFS2.24g1glsduMFyNjg-


Yea, read that book and about 15 others prior and during my divorce.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Satya said:


> After my divorce (early 30s) I lived with my mom and much younger siblings while I was working and saving rent money. I bought all my own groceries and helped around the house. I lived an independent existence and was able to successfully date guys for 2 years before I could afford move into my own place. My husband found me a year later.
> 
> Don't write off a woman that age living at home. If she's not obviously a mooch, there's probably a good story behind it that you don't know.


I a not, just, I have a feeling that she's going to get tired of having to drive to my house at some point; should we get there. I had a previous experience with a woman who lived at home with her parents. Big difference is she was lazy, only part time job and late 20's with little prospects of stable future employment outside her family. She wanted me several times to sleep over her parents house in their spare bedroom, I just didn't feel comfortable. Plus, the parents were busy bodies.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

I will say, she did ask about my marriage, and we discussed it for a few minutes; at her request. Hope I handled it okay. We then discussed her experiences and how they didn't pan out. Hope I didn't screw it up.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

1. It appears she has never lived on her own

2. She isn't much of a cook (used to mom cooking for her)

3. She is a twin. Find out how close she is with her twin. If really close, then expect to have a 3rd person in your relationship.

There was a guy here who would tell his twin all about his and his wife's bedroom experiences. To him it was all okey-dokey since they were twins.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> 1. It appears she has never lived on her own
> 
> 2. She isn't much of a cook (used to mom cooking for her)
> 
> ...


1) Agreed.

2) She seems to cook, however, not 100% sure. It's a rarity these days in this area. Everyone is takeout it seems.

3) It's okay, no woman ever complained about me in that way.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

So here's the update. We're on for Saturday. However, I offered to pick her up, but she said she didn't want me to drive both ways and would rather meet me there. Then she said, it's up to you, you're welcome to come by though. A bit confused about that, so I said, sure, if you rather meet me there, that's cool. However, she said it was a great idea and is looking forward to Saturday.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Don't read into it. She was probably just trying to be nice


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Picking her up at her place would make her feel as if her parents should meet you.

Unneeded stress..... you are ?43? and she is 33. At that age, if parents play a role in your

early dating, that is a BAD sign. Parental intro's at your ages, shouldn't be until

a couple months in.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Chuck71 said:


> Picking her up at her place would make her feel as if her parents should meet you.
> 
> Unneeded stress..... you are ?43? and she is 33. At that age, if parents play a role in your
> 
> ...


39, but feels like 43 sometimes. I'll take it as it comes. Let's see how the second date goes and take it from there.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Almost-done--- you don't seem to get it. YOU are the hot commodity now. You should have always thought yourself a catch. 
You're investing too many emotions too early. I strongly suggest you enjoy your dates, but see a few other ladies for a while, too.
What you are doing is putting yourself in a situation where you'll get attached too easy and start ignoring red flags. I've done it.
Don't get so interested in a woman that you're crushed if they ghost you. It happens. 

Go reeeeaaally slow right now. You are needing some physical affection badly, most likely. 

Just be cautious. She is not the only woman that will like you and enjoy you. Trust me.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Almost-done--- you don't seem to get it. YOU are the hot commodity now. You should have always thought yourself a catch.
> You're investing too many emotions too early. I strongly suggest you enjoy your dates, but see a few other ladies for a while, too.
> What you are doing is putting yourself in a situation where you'll get attached too easy and start ignoring red flags. I've done it.
> Don't get so interested in a woman that you're crushed if they ghost you. It happens.
> ...


E58 speaks from experience........ If he takes the advice he gives to others, E will be A-ok.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Definitely speaking from experience. I see a lot of myself in the OP.
I found a woman that on paper was the 🐳 of all fish. For 16 months I thought she was an angel from heaven.
Only later did I find out she was hard to deal with. Like nearly impossible. I had fallen for her badly after just a little while, and honestly--- still am crazy about her. Still wish I could figure out a way for us to both be happy.

But had I been more cautious, I could have saved the both of us a lot of pain. 
Emotions are a double edged sword.

Tread carefully, friend. A broken heart after a broken heart is hard to deal with.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

I understand. It's hard for me to juggle more than one at a time. I have a few numbers, just it's a lot to handle. I do not see red flags yet. I am sure there will be. There always seems to be. The living at home issue could be an issue if she doesn't want to come to my home once an a while. I am planning on calling one of the other women tomorrow and setup a date as well. I just feel it is wrong to do..


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Almost-Done said:


> I understand. It's hard for me to juggle more than one at a time. I have a few numbers, just it's a lot to handle. I do not see red flags yet. I am sure there will be. There always seems to be. The living at home issue could be an issue if she doesn't want to come to my home once an a while. I am planning on calling one of the other women tomorrow and setup a date as well. I just feel it is wrong to do..


Stop it. You sample the field. You maybe missing out on the right one for you.

It's your time. Do not settle for just what's in front of you.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Just giving perspective as a woman, and as one also living with her family while dating... 

I did not let any dates pick me up from my house unless I knew them really well. I'd drive myself to the venue/restaurant. 

I was responsible for protecting my family. When you're dating, you don't know someone. I dated some men who turned out to have some very troubled attitudes. No way would I be advertising where I, my mom, and my younger siblings live.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Just remember, if she has ever said that she likes foxes and wolves, she does NOT mean come to the date dressed as a furry. I learned that the hard way.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Do the "dinner at home" date after sex has happened... I think that is more comfortable, no pressure to make a PERFECT meal.

If you can, drink wine. I didn't start drinking until my mid 30s. It loosened me up - took the edge off. Less shyness. I do like drinking alcohol - in moderation. I have been DRUNK in almost a year, but I had a bottle last night to enjoy the drink.

Look at fun venues to take your date too, dance, music, fun things, etc. The other thing that is fun, is if you can do 2-3 venues in one night by walking. And remember rule #1 - HAVE FUN!
I've had my car break down after I parked my car with a first date. I walked her in to order food, I checked out the car are realized it wasn't GOING anywhere that night and then I locked my keys in the car.
I sat down and we ate. I called a friend to pick us up (pre-uber days) and we got HER car, went back to where the date was supposed to be... Laugh off the drama. Had fun. I got my car running the next day with a part that couldn't have been installed at night or bought.

When we started (R) with my wife... we walked the downtown club/bar party area. No drinking - and went to 10 places, 5 of them were driven... and had a blast.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> Stop it. You sample the field. You maybe missing out on the right one for you.
> 
> It's your time. Do not settle for just what's in front of you.


Not settling. Did that with my previous marriage. I do not repeat mistakes.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

TaDor said:


> Do the "dinner at home" date after sex has happened... I think that is more comfortable, no pressure to make a PERFECT meal.


Kinda hard since she lives with her parents.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Satya said:


> Just giving perspective as a woman, and as one also living with her family while dating...
> 
> I did not let any dates pick me up from my house unless I knew them really well. I'd drive myself to the venue/restaurant.
> 
> I was responsible for protecting my family. When you're dating, you don't know someone. I dated some men who turned out to have some very troubled attitudes. No way would I be advertising where I, my mom, and my younger siblings live.


I understand and I can respect that.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Almost-Done said:


> Kinda hard since she lives with her parents.


Uh... make dinner for her at your home.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

TaDor said:


> Uh... make dinner for her at your home.


If date # 2 works out, which I think it should, I plan to ask her at the end of the date if she'd like to come over the following week for dinner. She did say on the first date, she's interested in cooking with me as well as watching some movies (I was mentioning specific movies and she didn't see them). Not sure if she was being overly nice, code for something else, or actually interested.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Don't try to project. Just go have a good time on date #2


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

*Re: First date set. Second guessing myself a bit*



Almost-Done said:


> I do not see red flags yet.


Let me show you one.



Almost-Done said:


> She's 33 and lives with her parents.


There. Just keep dating other women until you have the "exclusive" talk.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Just another woman's perspective on the home pickup...when I was dating, and first met my ex and then my husband, I lived alone. As a single woman living alone there was NO way I was letting a man I didn't know, know where I lived.

I wouldn't even agree to meet my now husband in person until we'd talked on the phone, lol. I was very careful.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

eric1 said:


> Don't try to project. Just go have a good time on date #2


Will try.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

*Re: First date set. Second guessing myself a bit*



BetrayedDad said:


> Let me show you one.
> 
> 
> 
> There. Just keep dating other women until you have the "exclusive" talk.


Agreed and I am. It's an issue, not a big issue. I have my own home.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Just another woman's perspective on the home pickup...when I was dating, and first met my ex and then my husband, I lived alone. As a single woman living alone there was NO way I was letting a man I didn't know, know where I lived.
> 
> I wouldn't even agree to meet my now husband in person until we'd talked on the phone, lol. I was very careful.


Good point. However, we've spoken a couple of times already on the phone. Prob. just my mind jumping around for no reason.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Second date went really well. We were laughing and having a great time and that I had an attractive face. She was even suggesting other things we could do at another night. During the event she suggested we cook some time. So, at the end of the date, I suggested dinner @ my place, she happily agreed. A nice long kiss and she exited the car. Yes, I am talking to other women as well, but feel guilty. Just on the phone, as I want to see how this works out over the weekend.

Still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hoping for the best, but prepping for the not so best I guess.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

Don't wait for any shoes to drop. The reason you date is to have fun and maybe find someone to spend a longer amount of time with.

You will not know for awhile if this person is someone you need to invest in long term so why sweat it. Just have fun.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Interesting dilemma. We spoke for a bit on Friday, and confirmed for Saturday. Saturday, around 11am, she texted me saying she just had lunch and was throwing up and had to cancel, however, she really feels bad and would "love to reschedule". I said sure, no worries. Feel better. We'll set something up for next weekend. She said, "TY so much for understanding. BTW, Friday works too ." I followed up on Sunday, she said she's better, but still not 100%. Another thing, and I do not know if it's because we've only seen each other twice, but she doesn't just text a random hi every now and then. I usually just shoot a random text or call her during the week. Is that strange? It could be me, but I honestly do not remember how the dating world was 10 years ago. I will follow up again Friday with a text instead of a call to see if we're still on for Saturday. However, the other women I've been keeping at bay on the phone I will setup first meets in the meantime.

Again, I could be overthinking things. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, as I know others around here who've gotten sick. However, I just think it's a bit strange for complete silence unless I contact her. I know another woman I was contacting she likes to wait a few days to return my call. I also notice most women (mid 30's) nowadays seem to prefer texting to actual calls. Is this something new as well?


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Yes... texting is the "normal" way people communicate. I know - its stupid... I fought against it for years. When I was single, I'd go out and meet people in public, socialize, prove my worth by being in various social circles. (Women notice such things)

He is how *I* would read things... interest level is medium - unless she is holding back to not appear too desperate - so you can chase her (yeah, silly games). For most women - I didn't text much. For my wife - we texted like mad.

Why texting has its pros: After one-night-stand sex with my future wife; we texted each other about how much we liked each other. Thus I was nervous to *NOT SCREW THIS UP* and by texting, it gave me minutes to think of good responses or things to talk about. Later we would admit to each other that we were both scared to chase off each other (LOL!). We both hoped we would contact each other. I made the first move. 

People get sick, etc. If she cancels 3+ more dates in a row- then stop asking. Move on... Maybe she will contact you then. (game)


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

TaDor said:


> Yes... texting is the "normal" way people communicate. I know - its stupid... I fought against it for years. When I was single, I'd go out and meet people in public, socialize, prove my worth by being in various social circles. (Women notice such things)
> 
> He is how *I* would read things... interest level is medium - unless she is holding back to not appear too desperate - so you can chase her (yeah, silly games). For most women - I didn't text much. For my wife - we texted like mad.
> 
> ...


If she cancels again, I'm moving on. Really confusing behavior.. I mean, on both dates we had two or three multiple long kisses where we're both either holding each others head or neck/back. I think my kisses with her were longer than all of mine with my EW. One would think there would be more than medium interest. Then again, I am not sure. Still too new to really be able to read a woman's interest. One would think, with the kissing and brining up we should cook together (her not me), that was a signal of more interest. However, the lack of communication during the week puzzles me. After all, if I am doing all the running, it makes me look bad a bit. So, I am stepping back and will only check in with her at the end of the week. Puzzling to say the least.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Yeah..  so you don't know if its a game or if she is lost interest. Just as you are not putting all your eggs in one basket, why should she or expect her too?

On the first date with my wife (after we already got nasty) I told her that "I will not play games with you. I'll be honest with my ideas, lifestyle and how I feel about things" - as much as a person can be, who is co-dependent. So I didn't play games with her, nor much with others. I never offered more than I was willing to say.

Other than asking HER out for this weekend - don't ask anymore. If she chooses Fri, Sat, whatever - earmark it. And also do this: YOU are going out, no matter what. Did you get ideas plans on where to go? Also, I still recommend learning to be a social drinker. Since you are way past being in your teens and twenties - becoming an alcoholic is very minimal. I vowed to never ever drink - but I changed in my 30s to do so. I hung around other friends who drank to look out for me. I'd recommend a Cape Cod for starters - ask for a weak one. Beer tastes like pee-water. And if you go for the Cape Cod, DON'T EVER get the well drinks! EVER! Taste like crap. Don't buy your date a well drink either - makes you look cheap. Spring for the extra $1-2 for a good drink. Typical bars - type him a $1 per drink. Cape Cod = Vodka and Cranberry with a shot of cherry flavoring. It's easy to drink.

Why? Takes the edge off... relaxes you... can make you more OPEN to express yourself. You'll laugh at her jokes more and she will laugh at yours. (Don't get dangerously wasted)

Next : date night can be other nights of the week. Wed, Thur, Sun as well - depending on the city... makes for shorter date for some, maybe less pressure. 
So, lets say your Cook-Gal agrees to Friday night at 8pm. But she cancels out on you at 5pm. If that happens, tell her "no problem - hope you get better. Let me know when you're available to go out with me. " somewhere in that text conversation - let it be KNOWN that you are STILL GOING OUT! 1- this tells her that your world doesn't center around her. 2- that things happen and you got your own life to live and won't be DOWN because your date canceled. Who knows - maybe she'll feel better at 10pm. (If she is dating someone else - maybe she'll ditch that date at 10? You may never know). From players who date women who are not likely to PUT OUT on the date (or women to men) - they will have dinner early (6~9) and hit date #2 after that - to drink, dance and sex.

So, if you are willing to try before the weekend, go to a local corner bar. Get two drinks max, nothing more. cap-cod. Maybe some other "girlie" fruity drink - let bartender know you are TRYING out drinking for the first time and learning about the various drinks. Oh, for a 2nd drink - go for a frozen margarita. Its a Slurpee with a KICK. A good size one will get your drunk.
General rules - don't MIX your drinks. ie: drink lots of vodka and rum in a single night. But if you are experimenting - 1 drink of each type to learn what they are - this can also be HANDY when you are out on a date. so you know WHAT she is drinking or if she asks you to choose and you KNOW what she is talking about.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

PS: don't just move on and tell her "see ya!" just say "call me if you want to go out" - don't burn bridges. She might know a friend who maybe your type for all you know.

No reason to not get some practice in.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Almost.... I have the same view of texting. I have yet to own a phone that texts. Granted I will back

chat on FB with a female I am interested in, which is, in a way, texting. Texting reminds me of 

20 years ago when AOL had instant messenger. Seems you can get accomplished in a five minute phone

chat that would take an hour in text. I also will admit, when texting, too many things get 

misconstrued. I dated a female after my post-D LTR fizzled and every night it was something being

misconstrued. Got to the point, I refused to text /back chat with her. Phone or in-person.

Almost.... look at it this way, I was out of the dating field from mid 1997 to late 14.

Things sho has chayng'd! Try setting a low key mid-week date, less pressure, only few hours.

You could get a measure of if she is still interested. If the date goes well, lock down a Fri / Sat

date. Always remember.... never make anyone a priority unless they give you a good reason to.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

TaDor said:


> Yeah..  so you don't know if its a game or if she is lost interest. Just as you are not putting all your eggs in one basket, why should she or expect her too?
> 
> On the first date with my wife (after we already got nasty) I told her that "I will not play games with you. I'll be honest with my ideas, lifestyle and how I feel about things" - as much as a person can be, who is co-dependent. So I didn't play games with her, nor much with others. I never offered more than I was willing to say.
> 
> ...


I normally check in with her on Thursdays, so I will text her then and see if we're still on for Saturday @ my place. I cook be reading into it too much (I do that from time to time, but if someone is interested in another person, don't they check in once and awhile? Maybe it's too early and she doesn't want to look overly interested? Not sure. I really do not remember. I will take it as it comes. Not a drinker, never cared for it. I've tried before, I just don't like the taste of alcohol. Ironically, I was going to suggest to meet during the week if the cooking date was successful last week. Now, I just don't know. Ironically, most of the women I've dated or met up for drinks do not drink. This one only drank water or tea. One would think, if she wasn't interested, she'd just kill it last week, not say I'd love to see you Friday or Saturday. I mean she's 34, not 18. Very confused on this one. 

I was holding off the other women to see how this one works out, but last Saturday's snafu threw that plan into the crapper. I have already setup another date on Friday with another woman I've been chatting to. See what happens. Another one wants to meet for a lunch date on Sunday. She disappeared for a few days and then called me tonight out of the blue.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

TaDor said:


> PS: don't just move on and tell her "see ya!" just say "call me if you want to go out" - don't burn bridges. She might know a friend who maybe your type for all you know.
> 
> No reason to not get some practice in.


Nah, wouldn't do that. I'd just say, feel better and take it easy. Call me whenever you're free again. Something like that. I rarely burn bridges.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Chuck71 said:


> Almost.... I have the same view of texting. I have yet to own a phone that texts. Granted I will back
> 
> chat on FB with a female I am interested in, which is, in a way, texting. Texting reminds me of
> 
> ...


Yea, I don't get this texting thing. I feel it's so impersonal. She's suggested during the week before, but before I want to invest in a week day, I want to see how things go on the weekend. Started on a Friday, then progressed to a Saturday. Now, if the cook date is successful, I'd setup a during the week date and a weekend date. I feel no pressure. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until there is a reason not too.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Almost-Done said:


> Yea, I don't get this texting thing. I feel it's so impersonal. She's suggested during the week before, but before I want to invest in a week day, I want to see how things go on the weekend. Started on a Friday, then progressed to a Saturday. Now, if the cook date is successful, I'd setup a during the week date and a weekend date. I feel no pressure. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until there is a reason not too.


This is just me.... and I will admit I am going off mainly how I viewed things 20 years ago.

You are way over-analyzing things. Go with what you feel.... In my recent dating experiences,

we go out a couple times, I offer to pay and expect to. Sometimes the girl wants dutch.

Around the third date, she asks me to her place for a nice home cooked meal, movie, and...well

you know the rest. You should know at least something after a 3rd or 4th date.

Would I take a girl to a car show or baseball card exhibit on a 1st or 2nd date? Nope.

4th or later date, oh yes I would. The girl I dated last year, dragged me to a pumpkin festival.

Went, actually had a nice time. I went because she showed interest in my hobbies.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Almost-Done said:


> I normally check in with her on Thursdays, so I will text her then and see if we're still on for Saturday @ my place. I cook be reading into it too much (I do that from time to time, but if someone is interested in another person, don't they check in once and awhile? Maybe it's too early and she doesn't want to look overly interested? Not sure. I really do not remember. I will take it as it comes. Not a drinker, never cared for it. I've tried before, I just don't like the taste of alcohol. Ironically, I was going to suggest to meet during the week if the cooking date was successful last week. Now, I just don't know. Ironically, most of the women I've dated or met up for drinks do not drink. This one only drank water or tea. One would think, if she wasn't interested, she'd just kill it last week, not say I'd love to see you Friday or Saturday. I mean she's 34, not 18. Very confused on this one.
> 
> I was holding off the other women to see how this one works out, but last Saturday's snafu threw that plan into the crapper. I have already setup another date on Friday with another woman I've been chatting to. See what happens. Another one wants to meet for a lunch date on Sunday. She disappeared for a few days and then called me tonight out of the blue.


When it's hot and heavy - there is a lot of texting. Yeah, someone who is into - will text you pretty much every day. But as stated - could be a game too.

I remember my first beer @ 27yrs old. Then I didn't touch the stuff until about age 33 when I decided I really wanted to get out - meet women, get laid, etc. So I talked to friends who drink and asked them what they liked, etc. Again, most beers taste like **** to me, even today. What did you try?
An easy example: "Not you father's root beer" = Taste very good, it taste like ROOT BEER - with a slight "kick" to it. I can easily drink 2-3 bottles being social.
But "Best Damn Beer" a copycat from Budweiser - taste like typical bud-drinks - nasty. It tastes like BEER - with some Root beer- like flavors. I couldn't finish the bottle, hell - nobody could in my group. Same thing when it comes to Liquor - there are hundreds of different brands of the various booze types. Cheaper stuff tends to taste like crap and is used in well-drinks at bars - they will also make you sick and likely a hangover. I like certain vodkas - the smoother potato vodkas such as Monopolowa, which mixes well. But of course, a bartender can make a drink strong or weak or taste good or bad. A drink called "Open Grave" that my bartender tweaked that has 4~5 kinds of booze, its strong - but tasty. I'd only drink one to start my night as I'd get the buzz quicker. OMG to those who drink 3 of those in one night.

Ever had bad sex with someone? Did that mean you said NO to all sex? Hence, I tried different drinks when I gave it a shot. I feel in love with Cape Cod when it was suggested I should try it, and I've been drinking those since. Or how about a White Russian? That *IS* a great drink... for those who like creame / milk. So, if you give it a shot - Monopolowa or other potato vodka should be used.

When you date a non-drinker, don't drink. When you date a drinker - be able to have a drink. Again, I over-think things. I still do. When I used to date, it helped to reduce the junk thoughts. I've been drinking for almost 15 years. I have booze in my home - that I had not touched in weeks. I do like a bottle of Redd's Apple or a Root Beer every know and then for the flavor.


Good plan with the other two women you are setting up for dates. If anyone demands you should ONLY date one person at a time... tell them "no". Until you are serious with someone, you can date or have sex with whoever you want (as long as they are not a cheater of course)


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

" I mean she's 34, not 18. Very confused on this one. "

34, 18... 40 years old - doesn't matter. They ALL text. I text. A woman doesn't turn into a granny at age 30. To expect a woman in her 30s to NOT behave like a 20 year old nowadays - will cost ya.


Oh, on my other post about "don't burn your bridges" - My wording was crude - but your version works just fine.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Until you are exclusive with ONE person, there is not anything wrong with dating others. Too many 

people put all their eggs into one basket way too early. With my HS sweetheart, college sweetheart and

my now XW, I was dating someone else(s) when we first started chatting. Nothing serious, just 

dating. If it's the next "The One," you'll know it, or at least have a distinct vibe.

The tricky part is..... overall most females are ok with you dating others if you and her are not 

"a couple." But here's the rub.... if you were having sex with others while you and her were dating,

many will get quite PO'd. Cross that bridge VERY carefully.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

We had a nice long convo today, so that was good. She again stated she was good for Friday or Saturday. I thought Saturday would still be best, so I confirmed for Saturday. Not that I like it, there are several women now who are interested in talking and meeting up with me. I'm flattered, however, I do not know if I can juggle more than one or two at a time. I also feel guilty by planing the field; as they say. It's not something I did in the past. I picked the one was interested in and worked on that one. I guess we all know how that turned out. So, I am trying something different. In terms of the texting, I am thinking she's just a bit shy or maybe more traditional where the man always makes the first move? She told me about her new hairstyle and I asked for a pic. She said she had no makeup on. I said, not big deal, just send it. She said she doesn't want me to see her with out any makeup yet. I said, just send it. I am sure you look beautiful. So she sent it. She looked the same to me, but with a new hairstyle. Think she's just a bit nervous or something. Not sure why. I am pretty easy to talk too.

As for alcohol. I like bourbon or whiskey, but nothing much else. I also like to limit the amount I drink. I do not care for the other types of alcohol. Most women do not like bourbon or whiskey, so just stick with iced-tea. I know several drinks and how to make them. I took a bartending course many years ago. LOL. It was quite fun.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Almost-Done said:


> We had a nice long convo today, so that was good. She again stated she was good for Friday or Saturday. I thought Saturday would still be best, so I confirmed for Saturday. Not that I like it, there are several women now who are interested in talking and meeting up with me. I'm flattered, however, I do not know if I can juggle more than one or two at a time. I also feel guilty by planing the field; as they say. It's not something I did in the past. I picked the one was interested in and worked on that one. I guess we all know how that turned out. So, I am trying something different. In terms of the texting, I am thinking she's just a bit shy or maybe more traditional where the man always makes the first move? She told me about her new hairstyle and I asked for a pic. She said she had no makeup on. I said, not big deal, just send it. She said she doesn't want me to see her with out any makeup yet. I said, just send it. I am sure you look beautiful. So she sent it. She looked the same to me, but with a new hairstyle. Think she's just a bit nervous or something. Not sure why. I am pretty easy to talk too.
> 
> As for alcohol. I like bourbon or whiskey, but nothing much else. I also like to limit the amount I drink. I do not care for the other types of alcohol. Most women do not like bourbon or whiskey, so just stick with iced-tea. I know several drinks and how to make them. I took a bartending course many years ago. LOL. It was quite fun.


She told you about the new hairstyle, wanting you to ask her to see it. "If you get a chance,

send a pic." Sounded like she wanted you to play fetch a bit, but... that's just me.

I rarely say -beautiful- anymore, much overused. Females from OLD sites told me over and over

-hi beautiful- was the most common opening line. Try words she does not hear often, make 

the response on how you view it and not what she wants to hear.... trust me, she hears that

enough. Make it comical, tell her you have a new hairstyle, spike yours up like Billy Idol

and send her a pic. A sense of humor goes a long way in avoiding schit tests.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Chuck71 said:


> She told you about the new hairstyle, wanting you to ask her to see it. "If you get a chance,
> 
> send a pic." Sounded like she wanted you to play fetch a bit, but... that's just me.
> 
> ...


True, but it just came to me. I guess I could had been a bit more ingenuitive.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

But remain YOU. If you skew the real YOU for a YOU she will like quicker, you are not only 

fooling YOU, you are fooling her too. Reason why many LTRs end up in the schitter after 6-9 months.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

As weird as this sounds, my Sunday woman (using that term lightly even though she's 38) fell through. Even though we've spoken twice for about 45 mins on the first call, 1:15 on the second call, she instead messaged me twice via the messaging dating app. I thought that was a bit weird since we already had our numbers. Anyway, yesterday she asked my last name. I simply replied I'd be happy to go over personal info in person. After all, we were meeting at the mall. She replied back, well, that's not going to work for me. Sorry, I do not think it's going to work out. Best of luck out there. Huh.. I've never had this response before. I also shared my Twitter and Instagram links with her as well. I would say she's a few short of a full set, but she's a dentist. I think I know know why she was engaged 3 times, but never married...

If this is what's waiting for me in the dating world, might be better to just stay single... I am still dumbfounded on this.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Chuck71 said:


> But remain YOU. If you skew the real YOU for a YOU she will like quicker, you are not only
> 
> fooling YOU, you are fooling her too. Reason why many LTRs end up in the schitter after 6-9 months.


I always remain myself with all relationships. However, I am not that chatty and witty on the text. Not a big texter, so it's hard to get my personality across via text. In person I am much more lively. I know, it's hard to believe, but it really is true.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Almost-Done said:


> I always remain myself with all relationships. However, I am not that chatty and witty on the text. Not a big texter, so it's hard to get my personality across via text. In person I am much more lively. I know, it's hard to believe, but it really is true.


As you should be. Over text, for all you know you could be talking to ME, after I use a fake

profile and pic. I do not know.... WITFH guys get this schit notion about I must impress the female. 

Last time I checked, she best impress me or no return call will be given.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Almost-Done said:


> As weird as this sounds, my Sunday woman (using that term lightly even though she's 38) fell through. Even though we've spoken twice for about 45 mins on the first call, 1:15 on the second call, she instead messaged me twice via the messaging dating app. I thought that was a bit weird since we already had our numbers. Anyway, yesterday she asked my last name. I simply replied I'd be happy to go over personal info in person. After all, we were meeting at the mall. She replied back, well, that's not going to work for me. Sorry, I do not think it's going to work out. Best of luck out there. Huh.. I've never had this response before. I also shared my Twitter and Instagram links with her as well. I would say she's a few short of a full set, but she's a dentist. I think I know know why she was engaged 3 times, but never married...
> 
> If this is what's waiting for me in the dating world, might be better to just stay single... I am still dumbfounded on this.


Background check. I'm not down with that either, even though I haven't a thing to hide. 

Share last names??? Ok... what's yours? Some don't like that. Some also use reasons to not date someone

to get out of meeting. Maybe she lied about her weight, or her marital status, or even her profession.

Maybe she just wanted attention and when you turned up the heat, she turned into a scared child.

If one uses a $2.99 background check, EVERY ONE'S name will appear as "potential" derelicts. 

If you are willing to meet in a public place, surrounded by hundreds of people.... and she still gots 

the -jitters- that says much more about her than you.


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## Almost-Done (Mar 5, 2016)

Chuck71 said:


> Background check. I'm not down with that either, even though I haven't a thing to hide.
> 
> Share last names??? Ok... what's yours? Some don't like that. Some also use reasons to not date someone
> 
> ...


Yea, I'm still a bit amazed on the message. Shows a few screws loose. If she would had said, mine is Smith, and yours? Completely different story. Or, listen, I do not feel comfortable without knowing your last name. Not a problem. But, she texted, I am not comfortable and I do not think it will work out. ?? Very weird. I hope not all women in this age range are like this. Heck, I am a member of the local town board (linked in my Twitter). Very strange. I guess I dodged a bullet. Or, she expected me to take her up on her sh!t test and beg and plead to meet with her. Not sure, but I've been put through the ringer with my ex-wife, I know what to watch out for now. This is a clear sign of nutso; dentist or not.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

She could have just been burned in the past.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

eric1 said:


> She could have just been burned in the past.


:iagree: Many people on OLD shouldn't be on there. From my experience, well over half are 

plain bitter or have unresolved issues (usually trust). Almost every FWB I ever met on OLD had 

a profile with generic "want LTR, want to meet my forever." They said they didn't want to put

what they really wanted..... Gee.... and they have trust issues! 

Almost.... don't put any stock in someone's profile or what they text. Reason why most people

want to meet very quick for a meet n greet. Too many people just want to string you along.

Every person who wants to meet within a few days, has several stories of wasting weeks or months

being baited. Try this..... Chatted with girl from POF, within 25 miles, near my age, near 

Christmas. I set up two 30 min. meet n greets. She cancelled each well ahead (was grateful) so

I implied what is your best time for a -hows ya doin- quick meet. She wouldn't give a

date / time but still wanted to "chat." After a few days I gave her my #, said call me when you

have a date / time set. She never called but wanted to keep chatting. After I gave #,

I stopped responding. It's really sad.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wow, when I was doing OLD I was *very* careful...but that way OTT even by my standards!

You dodged a bullet OP. Be glad.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm amazed how people over the last jillion years have managed to DATE, COURT and MARRY successfully _*without*_ the 'benefit' cell phones, computers, Facebook, video chatting, dating sites, background checks, Instagram, texting, and all this other crap today's fools seem to think is "mandatory" in order to date. Idiots.

This stuff has only been available to the average person since the mid-90's - what *did* we pathetic human beings all DO before that? Oh .. that's right. We usually met someone randomly in person at college or the library or standing in line at a store cash registers or ice cream place, or at the mall or a supermarket, maybe a night out at the bar with your girlfriends, etc. etc., We'd gave our phone number to a guy if they asked and we were interested, waited for them to call, then began dating them if it did lead to that. Golly, and for the most part, the majority of us all managed to LIVE to tell the tale _without _getting killed, maimed, kidnapped or assaulted. 

Gee whiz- imagine _THAT_?

These fools thinking you should provide all your personal information to them BEFORE they even meet you face to face for a lousy cup of coffee because they have to do a background check and read your Facebook and Instagram accounts and see your property tax records, see all your family ties, your career history on LinkedIn and learn your damned blood type really make themselves look a bunch of paranoid idiots.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

I agree. But with that said OLD dating has made things easier, and that's good. However, I actually don't find her request all that weird. The Internet also makes things significantly easier for bad people to do bad things. Perhaps she was stalked online. Maybe someone find out way too much information? And yes, before online dating people absolutely got raped, hurt and harassed. Perhaps she's a victim of one of those things too.

I'd probably pass onto the next one as well, but if I had a daughter doing this I'd also advise her that before any blind date to provide the guys name, the exact location you'd be and a time you'd be home to a close friend. You can't be too safe.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

eric1 said:


> I agree. But with that said OLD dating has made things easier, and that's good. However, I actually don't find her request all that weird. The Internet also makes things significantly easier for bad people to do bad things. Perhaps she was stalked online. Maybe someone find out way too much information? And yes, before online dating people absolutely got raped, hurt and harassed. Perhaps she's a victim of one of those things too.
> 
> I'd probably pass onto the next one as well, but if I had a daughter doing this I'd also advise her that before any blind date to provide the guys name, the exact location you'd be and a time you'd be home to a close friend. You can't be too safe.


For each party....especially the female, it is wise to share the location of the meet n greet, time to meet, make / model of car, what will s/he be wearing. And tell a family member and a close friend. Have an escape call if the date is going into the crapper. "Hey.... can you stop by, something's wrong." Also.... have a friend, preferably a guy, sit in the parking lot, arrive before either do and leave after each depart. No big deal if it's just a 30 minute meet.

Too many people watch too many of these crime shows and think every third person they pass is a serial killer. I tell female friends.... red flag if he will not give you his #, will not give you his FB account name (last name solved right here), or wants to first meet after 10pm. I would give a guy same advice.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Any dates lined up with girl you've dated a few times?


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