# Spouses working apart



## paradiddle (Sep 18, 2012)

I have been married 25 years but the past 5 have seen a continuing decline in our relationship. We have one child in college and another in HS who has Asperger's and OCD.

In January of 2011 I started working in another city 200 miles away. I was commuting back home weekly but then moved that to every other week. 

The plan was for us all to move to the new city where I work in the summer of 2011. We decided to put that off as we were not sure about the new job. My wife has her own consulting business which is quite mobile.

In January 2012 I was promoted and the plan was we would move to the new city in the Summer. My wife tabled that plan and now is unsure about moving at all. I love the job, am well paid and also love the city.

We have been seeing a MC in the home city and it's apparent we have a lot of disconnects but it's really hard to work through them via the telephone. I am getting very used to living apart and am getting closer to the point of just ending the marriage. With my son's condition there is very little personal relationship between us (Asperger's) so I am actually getting used to not seeing him as often.

Anyone else been in a situation where spouses are working in very separate cities and and worked out a solution where they came back together?


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## MisterRitter (Sep 1, 2012)

My situation is that we took the opportunity for my wife to take a job in a very distant city as a way to see what we really wanted and how we would live apart from each other. For us, it has been a disaster from the standpoint of repairing or working on the marriage. If you look at it from the standpoint of we are both (and i am doing the 180 basically with her) working on ourselves then it has been successful. I can't see a way that it would help a marriage in trouble if both parties want to work on it in earnest.

So, I guess the short of it is that if you want to work on you marriage, how can you do than apart from your spouse? assuming that is what both of you want.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Being apart typically doesn't fix a marriage or any relationship, just makes it more complicated and you learn to live without them and eventually most people seek divorce. If you really want to fix the marriage you need to be living together, either the family move to you or you give up your job and move back.


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