# Venting about ex-wife



## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

Synopsis of previous thread: started dating a co-worker about a little more than a month ago. Things have been going really great with her. We hang out all the time, our relationship doesn't interfere with our job, our co-workers are happy we "FINALLY" got together. We've both realized we have very strong feelings for each other, probably stemming from the close friendship we had prior to getting together.

Events of two nights: my ex-brother-in-law and his wife ran into my girlfriend and I while we were eating out. We were always on friendly terms and we chatted for a bit before he went along his way. Well, I guess he told my ex that I was dating, no big deal because I didn't tell him not to tell her. Last night, I'm laying in bed reading and I get a string of texts from my ex. She's doing ok, not great, but ok. Lives in a two bedroom apartment but somewhat struggling financially. She's sorry for how she neglected me. She's sorry she couldn't show me physical affection without me begging. She misses me. She realized what she had now that I've been gone for a year. The list goes on. I barely respond. When she's finally done I tell her that I've moved on with my life and it's for the best that she does as well. Including our marriage, we spent a total of 20 years together and we just weren't compatible. 

Well, she apparently doesn't like the fact that I've moved on. Accused me of cheating with my co-worker - I didn't. In fact, I didn't meet her until after the divorce was finalized. Called me sick because I'm 42 and dating a 29 year old "child." The slew of insults went on and on until I finally told her enough was enough and that the only contact we'd have was the small alimony check I send her every month and when that's done in a few years to not ever contact me again.

I've blocked her number, e-mail, and across social media. Needless to say it fowled my mood the rest of the night.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Honestly...who gives a rat's ass WHAT she thinks. 

I know I sure don't. :rofl:


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

DieCastRN said:


> Synopsis of previous thread: started dating a co-worker about a little more than a month ago. Things have been going really great with her. We hang out all the time, our relationship doesn't interfere with our job, our co-workers are happy we "FINALLY" got together. We've both realized we have very strong feelings for each other, probably stemming from the close friendship we had prior to getting together.
> 
> Events of two nights: my ex-brother-in-law and his wife ran into my girlfriend and I while we were eating out. We were always on friendly terms and we chatted for a bit before he went along his way. Well, I guess he told my ex that I was dating, no big deal because I didn't tell him not to tell her. Last night, I'm laying in bed reading and I get a string of texts from my ex. She's doing ok, not great, but ok. Lives in a two bedroom apartment but somewhat struggling financially. She's sorry for how she neglected me. She's sorry she couldn't show me physical affection without me begging. She misses me. She realized what she had now that I've been gone for a year. The list goes on. I barely respond. When she's finally done I tell her that I've moved on with my life and it's for the best that she does as well. Including our marriage, we spent a total of 20 years together and we just weren't compatible.
> 
> ...


I hear you. 

My ex wife tried to accuse me of something similar when I was dating... a year after she cheated on me and left, and our divorce was final. 

You did the right thing. People in pain act out, and immature people in pain act out even more. 

Just block her and move on.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

DieCastRN said:


> Synopsis of previous thread: started dating a co-worker about a little more than a month ago. Things have been going really great with her. We hang out all the time, our relationship doesn't interfere with our job, our co-workers are happy we "FINALLY" got together. We've both realized we have very strong feelings for each other, probably stemming from the close friendship we had prior to getting together.
> 
> Events of two nights: my ex-brother-in-law and his wife ran into my girlfriend and I while we were eating out. We were always on friendly terms and we chatted for a bit before he went along his way. Well, I guess he told my ex that I was dating, no big deal because I didn't tell him not to tell her. Last night, I'm laying in bed reading and I get a string of texts from my ex. She's doing ok, not great, but ok. Lives in a two bedroom apartment but somewhat struggling financially. She's sorry for how she neglected me. She's sorry she couldn't show me physical affection without me begging. She misses me. She realized what she had now that I've been gone for a year. The list goes on. I barely respond. When she's finally done I tell her that I've moved on with my life and it's for the best that she does as well. Including our marriage, we spent a total of 20 years together and we just weren't compatible.
> 
> ...


Karma is a *****. 
And the best revenge is to live well. 
You’re doing fine buddy, just fine.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ex-wife's fantasy: "DieCastRN will be really pining for me. He won't be able to date anyone as hot as me."

Ex-wife's reality: "He isn't pining for me! He's dating a woman who is younger than me!"


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

she'sstillgotit said:


> honestly...who gives a rat's ass what she thinks.
> 
> I know i sure don't. :rofl:


i had to like this twice!!!!


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

mattmatt said:


> ex-wife's fantasy: "diecastrn will be really pining for me. He won't be able to date anyone as hot as me."
> 
> ex-wife's reality: "he isn't pining for me! He's dating a woman who is younger than me!"


and this one twice!!!!


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Lol, same thing happened to me, I was dating a woman 13 years my junior and i was also accused of dating a child. Keep in mind shes accusing you of such things because it's a huge hit to her ego that this woman is younger. I'm sure she would probably have something to say regardless of her age.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

Gotcha beat... my ex told my kids I was gay. (I’m not.)


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Thie fact that you’ve mood on would shake most ex spouses, even if they were the one that initiated the divorce but in your case , you are now with younger and I imagine much hotter woman. That is totally devastating. It would be the equivalent of you find out she is now with some wealthy guy. 

Just continue with your life. She’s just some woman you used to know.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Who ended the marriage and why?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

No contact at all is your best path. You can achieve it even if you have kids.

Most don't believe they can be replaced but when it happens its a shock.

Meh, she'll get over it or she won't but it's not your problem.


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Who ended the marriage and why?


I initiated the divorce. For many reasons, most of which revolved around her inability to be intimate and express love in a physical way (not just sex, but all physical affection).

Throughout our marriage, sex was a HUGE issue. She just wasn't into it at all. In the last year, I told her she needed to change and we needed to have sex. She agreed and frequency increased. What I failed to realize was it wasn't frequency that was lacking, it really was quality. She didn't want to try any toys. Oral was rare and never to completion. Sex was ALWAYS the same. I mean literally the same. We'd start off on our sides kissing. She'd rub her hands around my legs for a few minutes. MAYBE go down of me if I guided her head down. Then she'd climb on top of me or I'd climb on top of her. Anytime I tried to change this, it was really awkward and weird. Anytime I brought this up and try to spice things up, she'd freak out and say things were "fine." She NEVER wanted to try anything new. Take a shower together? Nope. Sleep naked? Nope. Oral while we were watching TV? Nope. I'd been in previous relationships and knew what a healthy sex life was supposed to be. She was a virgin when we married - HUGE mistake on my part. What I had with my ex was not healthy and prolonging it more than I had would only further kill me inside. So, when I resolved to divorce, I would just say "no" or go to bed after she did so things didn't get awkward. When she asked why I didn't want to anymore, I told her that the quality of our sex life was lacking and she had no desire to fix it as she shot down any ideas I had. 

Other forms of affection were lacking as well. I always had initiate any touching - hugging, kissing, hand holding. That kind of stuff just wasn't on her radar. Made me feel completely unloved, unwanted, and unattractive. 

When I told her I was going to file for divorce, her reaction was "it's probably for the best." Didn't want to work it out, didn't ask me why, no sadness in her reaction or eyes. That solidified my decision.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

DieCastRN said:


> Diana7 said:
> 
> 
> > Who ended the marriage and why?
> ...


Congratulations on getting out of this nightmare. Sadly, this type of “marriage” is all too common. You clearly made the right decision. I assume you don’t have kids? If so, that makes it even easier.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> Congratulations on getting out of this nightmare. Sadly, this type of “marriage” is all too common. You clearly made the right decision. I assume you don’t have kids? If so, that makes it even easier.


The first question that popped into my head was “if they dont have kids, why the h**l is he even talking to her?”

You've moved on. She should too.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

No reason to have any contact at all unless you have minor children even with a few years alimony remaining. You send the check. If there is some problem, she can contact her lawyer or your lawyer. That simple. Keep her blocked and continue forward.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Don't even send a check... have an automatic bank draft enabled with an end date so you never have to think about it again until you notice your account looking a little fuller... 

It is compassionate to help her move on too... no contact is not as harsh as it sounds.


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