# ok I am obsessing badly



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

was looking through hubbies phone earlier, and there was a call from 0, actually will have to check it if was received or made, but it said 0 two days ago. Tried calling it and it said something about thank you for calling 1800collect. Do I just need to stop? I have been obsessing all afternoon. I do realize that it could have been a wrong number received.:scratchhead:


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

ok it was received, but crap, I need to just stop lol, I am gonna make myself crazy.


----------



## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I am as well. I think I'll go for a walk. That seems to help. A long walk in the cold night air, with a pack of cigarettes. I started smoking the day after D-day. I know it's not good, but it seems to help me stay calm. I wish I could tell you how to stop obsessing, but I am struggling with that very much this week. I can't think about anything else.


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I started up smoking again after 8 years of not doing so...damn...we will get through this bud. One way or another we will prevail. RWB I dont know your story, I am a lady who made a horrid mistake of an ea/pa, husband did the same, found new EA just a few days ago, but anyways, long story...but I still struggle with what happened 3 months ago and now I have to deal with the newest obstacle, one way or another we will be ok... WE ARE LIONS!!!!! I said that to another on this site, you have to be.


----------



## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

If there are times where he can not deal with your obsessing, it should be explained to him that natural consequences exists and were born from his actions.

For example: if you are at work, and you need to get reports out, but fail to meet the deadline... The natural consequences are as follows: The people depending on those reports cannot get their job done, Client will have to wait for the information, and decisions based on those reports will be delayed. 

This is far different from Punishment, such as getting fired. That is not a natural consequence. 

Your paranoid behavior is a natural consequence of infidelity, but you chastising him without solid proof, well that is a punishment, so make sure you know the difference and that he understands that natural consequences are not punishments.


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I was obsessing too. With me, I just let it go. Really, I just let it go. I figured obsessing wasn't helping, and I couldn't really control my wifes behavior if she took her EA underground. That being said, if I do find out it's still going on (not that I think it is), then your one free pass just expired! I find I am much happier if I don't obsess, and I just remember that if it does happen again, I'll be ok, and I'll still be happy with myself. There are lots of good women (and men) out there so I don't hav any fear anymore.

Seems strange, but it worked for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Never mind the whole health stuff you guys know about smoking, blah, blah, blah.

However, what I will point out (from my own experience) is that what calms you about smoking is probably the fact that it forces you to take deep, intentional breaths as you drag on the cigarette. Nicotine is in fact a stimulant, so you're winding yourself up more physically every time you smoke. If you just take the break you'd take to smoke and do some deep breathing, you'll probably feel much better (once you clear the nicotine from your system, anyway).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I am at that point too Alpha, I mean with the one free pass, I find evidence, I am undecided if I kick him out and be completely done, or if I kick him out until he ends it himself and is completely devoted to saving our marriage, I don't know yet. Twotime, you'd be proud of me, while I obsessed over the online cell bill, and soooo wanting to call the OW, I didn't, because I had no proof. Went to check his phone he had wiped his messages, but I see his txting number hadn't gone up this morning. I know if it goes up a TON that is suspicious. As the woman was on our txting circle where it was free, now she's not, so with his txting plan he gets up to 400 to people from other companies, and she's not on our circle. Anyways, point is I am not pointing fingers without proof, and yes i am a dork I have the number of txts memorized lol.


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Ok why do I do this myself??? I was at least able to pull up what numbers were called most often, and he talked to her for 267 minutes last month, that's over 4 friggin hours, "just friends" he told me before I found out. He has NEVER talked to me on the phone like that. That stabbed another knife through the heart. This was based on last bill, all I can really do I guess is wait until the bill after next which would be March's bill, then I can actually see if he CALLED her not txted her. I am doing all I can here to keep it from going underground the best I can.


----------



## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

If you have ATT you can check daily online. That is what I do with texting. At least every 3 days right now.


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

We aren't quite ATT yet, alltel is in the process of switching. I want him to so badly come home from work and talk, it sucks cuz all I wanna do is talk talk talk, I mean how do I know he's not calling her on her breaks, I won't know until april cuz all I can do is pull up the numbers called most. That means the 267 minutes were from LAST month, and in March I will be able to see how much he talked to her THIS month, since I busted him this month, I wont be able to see until April if he talked to her at all. I am not gonna tell him I can do this, if I see her number come up at all, I will know he was in contact at least via phone. My God I wish it was April so I knew....I hate living like this. I love him so much, it hurts to breathe when I think of life without him.


----------



## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

I just saw on MSN.COM... if you have an android phone... And you want to keep tabs on your mates cell phone activity... There is an app for that.


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I don't unfortunately...


----------



## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

I hear that Alpha and that's the same code I'm standing by. I no longer obsess about what she's doing behind my back because you just can't stop two grown ass people from doing something they have their minds set on. But at the same time, I told her that if anything leaks out about the two of them wanting to go for it again, I'm out. There is still something to be said about having some dignity and pride....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## shinypenny (Feb 18, 2011)

Alpha, Simon, I have to ask you -- how did you stop obsessing? I think that I want to stop, but my mind just keeps going there. My H gave me the passwords to his email so that I can check it if that would make me feel better, so I did. He wasn't hiding anything. Every time I check, I see that he's not hiding anything. But I still find myself wanting to check and check again and check again, just to make sure. I keep thinking that the feeling of wanting to check his email will go away eventually, but it hasn't yet.


----------



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

My husband just got done telling me if he came home, he doesn't want to be snooped on, I may tell him give me pw's and I won't check, and I'll do the same for him, see what he says to that, he needs to realize trust needs to be rebuilt, and don't worry I check all the time, it seems to get better everyday.


----------



## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

The worst bit for me was knowing that you are not doing yourself any good whatsoever, but you just cannot stop. I admire you who say you just stopped and 'let it all go'.
I have more or less stopped the checking now (for reasons explained below) but I think it is useful to stay on your guard as they've proved themselves to be untrustworthy once, so they are capable of doing it again.

After some time I realised that to have access to DS records and emails etc. is all a waste of time as setting up new secret email and social networking accounts and getting a 2nd PAYG sim card means they can pretend to give you full access/transparency but still keep their hidden accounts. I'm sorry to maybe not help matters, but it's a fact that has to be realised.

While not intending to fuel these horrible obsessions, have any of you used an internet 'dns' service? I'm not sure on this forums policy on plugging particular companies so I won't say it's name, but there is an excellent free one which considers itself 'open' . When setup at the router so 'all' household internet connections go through it, you can see every domain accessed, block or allow individual domains and even complete catagories. It is not a keylogger as there is nothing in the pc, and it's easy to implement remotely.
I actually have it as it's also a very good 'whole house' protection for the kids against pornography and chat sites, and also prevents phishing etc. It wasn't aware of it until about a year ago when I was asked to recommend a 'netnanny' type filter for friends with older kids.


----------

