# STBX buys the kids love with a dog. Grrr.



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

So he came home today with a puppy. And after promising me six ways from Sunday that he would get a dog with hair, not fur because of my allergies (we share a house) he now tells me they don't know if she's got hair or fur. 

I have horrific allergies and asthma. I could end up hospitalized from exposure to fur. And he has no idea if it's got fur or not. 

I have no words. But hey...the kids still love him even though they know he's gay so it's all good, right??? Asshat.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Why don't you take the animal to the vet and find out? Tell him that if it has fur, he needs to take the dog and move out. (if he is not out already)


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

Araucaria said:


> Why don't you take the animal to the vet and find out? Tell him that if it has fur, he needs to take the dog and move out. (if he is not out already)


Or, if you're allergic to it, get rid of it and replace with one you're not allergic to.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

IF you have to get rid of it, make HIM be the bad guy and do that --- it's his fault after all...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

What is the difference between hair and fur?


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## 20yr (Apr 19, 2019)

Oh no! Is he completely clueless?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

How old are the kids? Are the they really buying it?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

In one day all three of my kids are totally in love with this dog already. Grrr. They'd lose their minds if I told them they have to bring her back. And they've been through enough recently. I think I'm just going to have to be a lot more strict about the dog never coming into my apartment. I was willing to let the dog come for visits but not now. I just got home and I noticed he did put up a gate so that she can't get into the family room which abuts my bedroom and the entrance to my apartment. That might help too. He's not clueless he just doesn't care I think. He wants to be the hero for the kids getting them their biggest wish and that's all he's focusing on. 

As I was going out tonight he was setting up the crate and he looked totally overwhelmed. I just laughed to myself and walked out. He's truly his own worst enemy. 

Even as I type this I can hear this dog barking like mad and crying in her crate. He went out for the evening. I just texted him that his dog is losing her **** in the crate. We'll see what he does. 

And my girls seem completely non plussed by the idea that he is gay. I've always raised them to believe homosexuality is not a big deal so I guess I've done a good job. They might change their mind when he brings a guy around I don't know. They are 15, 17 and 19. 

I'm going to wait another couple weeks and then I'll tell them that I'm dating someone. We'll see how that goes over. Lots of changes for them all at once. I'm hopeful they'll see that I deserve to find someone who really wants to be with me. It will be very weird to have a new man around my kids though. I have no idea when I'll be ready for that.




jlg07 said:


> IF you have to get rid of it, make HIM be the bad guy and do that --- it's his fault after all...





3Xnocharm said:


> What is the difference between hair and fur?





20yr said:


> Oh no! Is he completely clueless?





CharlieParker said:


> How old are the kids? Are the they really buying it?


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Hair is just like ours. It doesn’t shed and you have to get it cut from time to time. My schnauzers have hair and I wouldn’t have it any other way!!

Fur holds pet dander, which is what most people are allergic to. And the shedding...ugh. 


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> What is the difference between hair and fur?


Hair and fur are chemically the same thing. However, "Hair is generally smooth, and longer and finer than fur. It can either be straight, wavy, or curly, but it is usually the curly hair that ends up tangling and trapping dander–which often triggers allergies. Breeds with hair only have one single layer, while breeds with fur may have two layers, known as a double coat, or a topcoat and an undercoat.

Fur is almost always shorter in length and is denser than hair, with more follicles per inch of the skin. Fur also goes through a faster growth cycle, and so sheds more heavily, which in turn, leads to a greater spread of dander."

Allergies that people who to dogs with fur are usually caused by the dander. This link explains more about the topic.

https://www.petsmagazine.com.sg/daily-bites/others/794/the-difference-between-dog-fur-and-dog-hair


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

notmyjamie said:


> So he came home today with a puppy. And after promising me six ways from Sunday that he would get a dog with hair, not fur because of my allergies (we share a house) he now tells me they don't know if she's got hair or fur.
> 
> I have horrific allergies and asthma. I could end up hospitalized from exposure to fur. And he has no idea if it's got fur or not.
> 
> I have no words. But hey...the kids still love him even though they know he's gay so it's all good, right??? Asshat.


The issue of dogs and cats and allergies is the dander. There is a way to mitigate this is to bath the dog weekly. This washed off the dander. I know people who are very allergic to cat dander who do this. Once they started bathing their cat weekly, they have had no problems at all with their allergies to cat dander.

https://www.petsmagazine.com.sg/daily-bites/others/794/the-difference-between-dog-fur-and-dog-hair

https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/how-live-allergies-and-pets


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> The issue of dogs and cats and allergies is the dander. There is a way to mitigate this is to bath the dog weekly. This washed off the dander. I know people who are very allergic to cat dander who do this. Once they started bathing their cat weekly, they have had no problems at all with their allergies to cat dander.
> 
> https://www.petsmagazine.com.sg/daily-bites/others/794/the-difference-between-dog-fur-and-dog-hair
> 
> https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/how-live-allergies-and-pets


I can 100% guarantee that this dog, who is quite adorable and loving btw, will not get bathed weekly. But, she has an appointment with the vet on Friday so hopefully the vet will report she's got hair. If she's got fur she just won't be allowed in my apartment and I'll have to keep my interactions with her to a minimum. That might be hard...she's so sweet!!!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> I can 100% guarantee that this dog, who is quite adorable and loving btw, will not get bathed weekly. But, she has an appointment with the vet on Friday so hopefully the vet will report she's got hair. If she's got fur she just won't be allowed in my apartment and I'll have to keep my interactions with her to a minimum. That might be hard...she's so sweet!!!


Well, what kind of dog is she? What breed or mix? Does he not know?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> So he came home today with a puppy. And after promising me six ways from Sunday that he would get a dog with hair, not fur because of my allergies (we share a house) he now tells me they don't know if she's got hair or fur.
> 
> I have horrific allergies and asthma. I could end up hospitalized from exposure to fur. And he has no idea if it's got fur or not.
> 
> I have no words. But hey...the kids still love him even though they know he's gay so it's all good, right??? Asshat.


Is "he" a roommate or your partner/spouse?

Regardless, did this human being KNOW that you have horrific allergies and asthma that could be triggered by fur?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

WorkingWife said:


> Is "he" a roommate or your partner/spouse?
> 
> Regardless, did this human being KNOW that you have horrific allergies and asthma that could be triggered by fur?


He's her STBX husband of over 20 years who is actually gay and they are sharing the house until the kids are ready to leave the nest, iirc. She lives in a MIL suite they built for her mother when she was alive and he has the main house.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> Well, what kind of dog is she? What breed or mix? Does he not know?


She is a rescue dog so they aren't sure but they think she's a healer/lab mix, but they weren't sure about the lab part. 



WorkingWife said:


> Is "he" a roommate or your partner/spouse?
> 
> Regardless, did this human being KNOW that you have horrific allergies and asthma that could be triggered by fur?


He is my STBX and yes, he is well aware of how bad my allergies are having ridden in the ambulance with me several times to the emergency room over the years. He was trying to buy the kids' love as he was terrified they'd hate him when he revealed he is gay. Last laugh on him, none of them care at all. So now he's got this 10 week old puppy he knows NOTHING about how to care for or train when his kids would have continued to love him anyway. They were raised to respect the differences in people which extended to homosexuals. I have nothing against gay people, I just don't want to be married to one. Ironically, the only person they ever heard anti gay stuff from was the STBX. LOL



MJJEAN said:


> He's her STBX husband of over 20 years who is actually gay and they are sharing the house until the kids are ready to leave the nest, iirc. She lives in a MIL suite they built for her mother when she was alive and he has the main house.


Excellent summary. Thanks!!! :smile2:


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> He is my STBX and yes, he is well aware of how bad my allergies are having ridden in the ambulance with me several times to the emergency room over the years. He was trying to buy the kids' love as he was terrified they'd hate him when he revealed he is gay. Last laugh on him, none of them care at all. So now he's got this 10 week old puppy he knows NOTHING about how to care for or train when his kids would have continued to love him anyway. They were raised not respect the differences in people which extended to homosexuals. I have nothing against gay people, I just don't want to be married to one. Ironically, the only person they ever heard anti gay stuff from was the STBX. LOL


Oh, the irony! LOL. Sigh.

I've read some of your posts before but had forgotten who you were when I read this one and for some reason I was thinking YOU were male, and I was ...confused. LOL.

BTW, that's the really sad thing about having a "big secret" like being gay or whatever. The person holds the secret for years, living in *dread *of what people would think if they knew that "thing" about them. Then when the truth comes out anyhow, people just shrug and move on with their lives. But by then they've really screwed some people over -- like by marrying a heterosexual woman when your a gay man... Though you both did get kids out of the deal, so that's a blessing. It would be hard not to be bitter though in your position.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> She is a rescue dog so they aren't sure but they think she's a healer/lab mix, but they weren't sure about the lab part.


Neither of those breeds are hypoallergenic. Poodles (all sizes), Shih Tzu, Maltese, ****on, Schnauzer....those guys are what you're looking for if you want a dog. Both Labs and Heelers have dander.





notmyjamie said:


> So now he's got this 10 week old puppy he knows NOTHING about how to care for or train when his kids would have continued to love him anyway.


Well, either he has to return the dog, rehome the dog, or the kids will end up taking care of it entirely including house training and crate training for when it cannot be supervised.




notmyjamie said:


> Excellent summary. Thanks!!! :smile2:


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

WorkingWife said:


> Oh, the irony! LOL. Sigh.
> 
> I've read some of your posts before but had forgotten who you were when I read this one and for some reason I was thinking YOU were male, and I was ...confused. LOL.
> 
> BTW, that's the really sad thing about having a "big secret" like being gay or whatever. The person holds the secret for years, living in *dread *of what people would think if they knew that "thing" about them. Then when the truth comes out anyhow, people just shrug and move on with their lives. But by then they've really screwed some people over -- like by marrying a heterosexual woman when your a gay man... Though you both did get kids out of the deal, so that's a blessing. It would be hard not to be bitter though in your position.



I'm not bitter, well not most of the time. I have my moments. But things are looking up for me recently despite the financial ruin he has left me in. I'm dating someone new, who I really like, who seems to really like me so that's going well. My kids know it and are happy for me, which is a HUGE relief. 

Staying bitter would just color the rest of my life and I want to be happy. I've waited a long time to be truly happy so I'm not going to screw it up by holding onto anger that will just rot my soul. My soul has been damaged enough by all this. It really needs a break :smile2:

But I am miffed about the dog. If she had hair I'd be fine with it. But, she is very cute and my kids are over the moon happy about her so there's that to focus on I guess.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> Neither of those breeds are hypoallergenic. Poodles (all sizes), Shih Tzu, Maltese, ****on, Schnauzer....those guys are what you're looking for if you want a dog. Both Labs and Heelers have dander.
> 
> Yeah...I gave him a list of acceptable breeds. He just couldn't wait for one of them to become available at a shelter. Grr.
> 
> ...


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> :smile2:


Eh, those breeds tend to not appear in shelters here at all. Usually, when a purebred is surrendered, a breed specific rescue is contacted and the dog goes to the rescue in order to make space for mutts that don't have as many advocates and a slower adoption timeframe. Did the man even look for a breed specific rescue? Yeesh! Just rude. 

I'm a dog person. I spent 2 years straight training puppies and integrating an adult rescue, too, just for added difficulty. I swear, I spent that time with a roll of paper towel in one hand, a spray bottle in the other, and tears in my eyes. Training pups takes work. My dogs are aging and dying. My pack is down to 2, who are 10 and 7, respectively. I'll be training a pup again within a few years. :crying:

Tell STBX that emptying the pup before crating and immediately after crating helps tremendously as does throwing a freaking praise party every time the pup poops and pees on the lawn.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> Eh, those breeds tend to not appear in shelters here at all. Usually, when a purebred is surrendered, a breed specific rescue is contacted and the dog goes to the rescue in order to make space for mutts that don't have as many advocates and a slower adoption timeframe. Did the man even look for a breed specific rescue? Yeesh! Just rude.
> 
> I'm a dog person. I spent 2 years straight training puppies and integrating an adult rescue, too, just for added difficulty. I swear, I spent that time with a roll of paper towel in one hand, a spray bottle in the other, and tears in my eyes. Training pups takes work. My dogs are aging and dying. My pack is down to 2, who are 10 and 7, respectively. I'll be training a pup again within a few years. :crying:
> 
> Tell STBX that emptying the pup before crating and immediately after crating helps tremendously as does throwing a freaking praise party every time the pup poops and pees on the lawn.



I've been telling the kids that as they seem to be doing most of the work with her. They've already trained her to sit and come so I guess she's trainable. 

Thanks for the advice!! I'll take all advice anyone's got and pass it on to the kids. Despite how I sound, I do want this to work out for them and the puppy. It's not fair to let a puppy bond to a family and then give her up again. That's just beyond cruel.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

blazer prophet said:


> Or, if you're allergic to it, get rid of it and replace with one you're not allergic to.


Take the kids, get them to help you pick out a Maltese or poodle. (Have hair not fur).

They'll love you.

Btw, the "asshat" was a good term 😂😂


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Schnauzers!!! But I am biased. 











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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> Thanks for the advice!! I'll take all advice anyone's got and pass it on to the kids.


I used the tether method. When my pups were very young I'd feed the leash handle through my beltloop, feed the clip through the handle so when pulled tight the clip hangs down. Then attach to puppy collar. Where I went, puppy went. This gave puppy no opportunity to sneak off and eat my couch or pee on my hardwood. When I sat down, I'd lay out some toys within range for puppy to play with and chew on. If I saw puppy sniffing or circling, I knew to run outside for potty. It was a pain for a couple months there, but saved me some floor damage and made potty training so much faster and easier. With the kids helping each other, they can tether themselves to puppy in shifts so the burden is spread out and pup gets bonding time with them, too.

Seriously, every time puppy is to be crated puppy must be let out first. Immediately upon puppy being uncrated, outside to potty. When puppy potties in the appropriate space, make a big deal of her. Praise, happy dance, treats, etc. Oh, and make sure the crate is wide enough for her to stand up and turn around comfortably, no bigger or she will set up a potty spot and a sleeping spot, which defeats the purpose of crate training. If you got a large crate anticipating her adult size, it probably came with a divider to insert if you haven't already.

Socialize her as much as you can. I took my pups to Home Depot, Tractor Supply, the pet store, on walks, etc. With you having teens I'd guess you have people over here and there and will have even more people coming and going when they're older and bringing friends home from college or whatever, so you want her very comfortable with people of all kinds.

When Ike, my avatar, was a pup I found a puppy training class through the local Humane Society. The class was like $100, 1 hr a week for 6 weeks. Worth. Every. Penny. I took techniques I learned and expanded on them for more advanced training at home and I've used what I've learned with every dog I have gotten since. I took my kids with me on a rotational basis, something the trainer encouraged, so they all learned what I learned.

A tired dog is a good dog. While they need physical exercise, do not underestimate mental exercise. Practicing known commands and learning new commands makes doggies want naps. Puzzle toys are amazing and Kong toys last forever. Deer antlers are a huge hit as are cow bones. I like to keep a few different textures available for pups and dogs to chew on so they don't get bored and eat my shoes or something.

I know this sounds insane, but go to Tractor Supply online or in person and get a lunge whip. Tie a toy to the end of it and now you have a giant cat toy for dogs. Go outside and sit sipping lemonade while lazily playing keep-away with the toy. Dog gets tires, you don't!

I don't free feed. I feed a measured amount in the morning and again in the evening. Partially because if you know when a dog has been fed, you know when they'll have to go outside. Partially because my dogs would eat themselves sick. Also, if I know how much they're eating I know immediately if one of the dogs has gone off food and may be sick. If we have to go to the vet I can tell them the last time the dog ate and how much.

I leave water down during the day but take it up about 2 hrs before bedtime so I can do the last potty of the night and none of the dogs will have to go until morning.

Also, Labs are known for eating things. Rocks, the refrigerator door seal, lingerie... Good luck with that, rofl.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> I used the tether method. When my pups were very young I'd feed the leash handle through my beltloop, feed the clip through the handle so when pulled tight the clip hangs down. Then attach to puppy collar. Where I went, puppy went. This gave puppy no opportunity to sneak off and eat my couch or pee on my hardwood. When I sat down, I'd lay out some toys within range for puppy to play with and chew on. If I saw puppy sniffing or circling, I knew to run outside for potty. It was a pain for a couple months there, but saved me some floor damage and made potty training so much faster and easier. With the kids helping each other, they can tether themselves to puppy in shifts so the burden is spread out and pup gets bonding time with them, too.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I second all of this and add cow hooves. My goats....errr....dogs...love them 


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> I used the tether method. When my pups were very young I'd feed the leash handle through my beltloop, feed the clip through the handle so when pulled tight the clip hangs down. Then attach to puppy collar. Where I went, puppy went. This gave puppy no opportunity to sneak off and eat my couch or pee on my hardwood. When I sat down, I'd lay out some toys within range for puppy to play with and chew on. If I saw puppy sniffing or circling, I knew to run outside for potty. It was a pain for a couple months there, but saved me some floor damage and made potty training so much faster and easier. With the kids helping each other, they can tether themselves to puppy in shifts so the burden is spread out and pup gets bonding time with them, too.
> 
> Seriously, every time puppy is to be crated puppy must be let out first. Immediately upon puppy being uncrated, outside to potty. When puppy potties in the appropriate space, make a big deal of her. Praise, happy dance, treats, etc. Oh, and make sure the crate is wide enough for her to stand up and turn around comfortably, no bigger or she will set up a potty spot and a sleeping spot, which defeats the purpose of crate training. If you got a large crate anticipating her adult size, it probably came with a divider to insert if you haven't already.
> 
> ...


Yep. It gets better, though, around age 2, when they hit full maturity. The Heeler ( not healer ) part, if it is that ( likely is, Australian Cattle Dog is hard to mistake ), is a very smart, naturally dominate herder, digger and chewer, if not given lots of land to run and patrol on, or **** to do. Both dogs have double coats ( my ACD drops an entire dog's worth of fur every Spring ). If she is half Heeler, crating inside for long periods is just cruel. They are meant to at least mostly live outside and do _things_.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> I used the tether method.
> Also, Labs are known for eating things. Rocks, the refrigerator door seal, lingerie... Good luck with that, rofl.



All great advice. I will definitely pass it on to my daughters. And I don't need any luck because the dog stays out of my apartment. None of my lingerie will be getting eaten!!! LOL 

She has already started to go to the front door and "knock" on it to let them know she needs to go potty. They give her lots of praise and a treat when she goes outside. STBX has them bring her to a certain part of the yard so she will think of that as her spot to go to the bathroom. Thankfully it's summer and so someone is with her at all times, my kids are taking shifts with her. They seem to be having fun with it. He did read that the crate should be small so she won't set up a bathroom area so he did put up the divider.




AandM said:


> Yep. It gets better, though, around age 2, when they hit full maturity. The Heeler ( not healer ) part, if it is that ( likely is, Australian Cattle Dog is hard to mistake ), is a very smart, naturally dominate herder, digger and chewer, if not given lots of land to run and patrol on, or **** to do. Both dogs have double coats ( my ACD drops an entire dog's worth of fur every Spring ). If she is half Heeler, crating inside for long periods is just cruel. They are meant to at least mostly live outside and do _things_.


How long is too long? They've only been crating her at night, the rest of the time she's with one or more of my kids at all times. They take her out for walks at least every hour or less. She has tons of toys already. I just went over to say good night to my kids and she looked very tired laying next to STBX on the couch. And oops on the spelling...just goes to show how little I know.


Thank you both for all the tips. My girls asked me to thank you too!! They say it's a lot of work but they're loving it and her so far!!!!


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

notmyjamie said:


> All great advice. I will definitely pass it on to my daughters. And I don't need any luck because the dog stays out of my apartment. None of my lingerie will be getting eaten!!! LOL
> 
> She has already started to go to the front door and "knock" on it to let them know she needs to go potty. They give her lots of praise and a treat when she goes outside. STBX has them bring her to a certain part of the yard so she will think of that as her spot to go to the bathroom. Thankfully it's summer and so someone is with her at all times, my kids are taking shifts with her. They seem to be having fun with it. He did read that the crate should be small so she won't set up a bathroom area so he did put up the divider.
> 
> ...


First off ( not in order ), she's only 10 weeks old, so nothing is certain. Two, if the crating is just overnight, it should be okay once she is fully crate-trained. When you say "take her for walks every hour or less" do you mean actual walks, or going out to potty? 

It sounds like your girls are very involved with the puppy, so that's very much of the good. What happens when the younger two go back to school ( not a judgement, just curious about arrangements. Mine go back on August 1 ).


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

AandM said:


> First off ( not in order ), she's only 10 weeks old, so nothing is certain. Two, if the crating is just overnight, it should be okay once she is fully crate-trained. When you say "take her for walks every hour or less" do you mean actual walks, or going out to potty?
> 
> It sounds like your girls are very involved with the puppy, so that's very much of the good. What happens when the younger two go back to school ( not a judgement, just curious about arrangements. Mine go back on August 1 ).


I think they bring her out to potty and then let her walk around for a while each time. They were told not to bring her for long walks until she's a bit older. I have no idea what the plan is for when they go back to school. They go back in 8 weeks so she'll be 18 weeks old by then. According to their research she'll be able to go 4-5 hours between potty breaks by then. I don't know what STBX is planning to do then or how accurate that information really is either.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

notmyjamie said:


> I think they bring her out to potty and then let her walk around for a while each time. They were told not to bring her for long walks until she's a bit older. I have no idea what the plan is for when they go back to school. They go back in 8 weeks so she'll be 18 weeks old by then. According to their research she'll be able to go 4-5 hours between potty breaks by then. I don't know what STBX is planning to do then or how accurate that information really is either.



I still predict that you will end up taking care of the dog.

.......................

Jeopardy episode

I’ll take suckers for a $1000 Alex.

“This person throws up her hands and disgustedly takes over the tasks of others.”

Who is NMJ?

....................

A little levity thread jack (but probably true). :wink2:


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Absurdist said:


> I still predict that you will end up taking care of the dog.
> 
> .......................
> 
> ...


In spite of myself I laughed!!!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> I think they bring her out to potty and then let her walk around for a while each time. They were told not to bring her for long walks until she's a bit older. I have no idea what the plan is for when they go back to school. They go back in 8 weeks so she'll be 18 weeks old by then. According to their research she'll be able to go 4-5 hours between potty breaks by then. I don't know what STBX is planning to do then or how accurate that information really is either.


IF they make sure she hasn't had anything to drink or eat about 1.5 hrs before being crated she will probably be able to go between 4-6 hrs without needing to potty at that age, but it really is individual. Some people come home for lunch to let a young dog out or pay someone to do it for them midday.

She's still a pup and not fully vaccinated yet, so that's why they say not to take her on long walks. She could easily pick up a disease left behind by another dog. Remember, parasites etc can live in soil up to a year through freezes and heat waves. Also, she's young, still growing, and shouldn't overexert.

They might want to consider a potty command. It cuts down on sniffing for a spot time if the human is in more of a hurry than the dog. When my dogs were training I'd take them out on leash even though our yard is fenced. When the pup would start to pee/poop, I'd say "Gooood dog! Goood pee-pee/poo-poo potty!" repeatedly while they were going. Then praise, give scratches, dole out a treat or two. Took a couple months or so, but they all learned what poo-poo potty and pee-pee potty are and will go on command. It's great when I'm in a hurry to get out the door or when the weather is terrible and one of my dogs is taking it's sweet time finding a potty spot.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

If possible, someone should be with her on the 4th. Fireworks often cause anxiety in dogs. It's likely to be worse if she's alone. Since this is going to be her first experience with loud noises, having someone with her will lessen the chance she'll develop a phobia.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> IF they make sure she hasn't had anything to drink or eat about 1.5 hrs before being crated she will probably be able to go between 4-6 hrs without needing to potty at that age, but it really is individual. Some people come home for lunch to let a young dog out or pay someone to do it for them midday.
> 
> I'm hoping he'll hire a dog walker/sitter to come let her out midday but I'm not holding my breath.
> 
> ...





wilson said:


> If possible, someone should be with her on the 4th. Fireworks often cause anxiety in dogs. It's likely to be worse if she's alone. Since this is going to be her first experience with loud noises, having someone with her will lessen the chance she'll develop a phobia.


I told my kids this the other day as well as that they need to hang out with her during thunderstorms. We've had a couple bad ones since she arrived and she does fine when they are right there with her and playing. She barks and cries like mad if you leave in in the crate, alone, in the dark though. They've been rotating whose room she sleeps in so she gets used to everyone the same and she's much happier at night now. 

So far it's been no work for me other than to pass along all the great advice here. I get to say hello, pet her, and then go back to my own life!!!! I do find her to be most adorable though and I'm enjoying how much fun the kids are having with her. No sense in crying over spilled milk so I might as well enjoy her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So, you are sharing your life with a filthy, yappy creature who keeps ****ing all over the place, keeps on whining and crying, has no sense of responsibility and could be a danger to your health and mental wellbeing and the health and mental wellbeing of your children?

Oh, and you have a cute new dog too?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> So, you are sharing your life with a filthy, yappy creature who keeps ****ing all over the place, keeps on whining and crying, has no sense of responsibility and could be a danger to your health and mental wellbeing and the health and mental wellbeing of your children?
> 
> Oh, and you have a cute new dog too?


LOL...that about sums it up!!!! 

And I won the bet I made with my sister. I said in about 2 weeks he'd start talking about bringing the dog back. And yesterday I came upon my 15yo having a breakdown because he told her they need to return the dog. She's feeling sad and guilty that despite how much she loves the dog, she sees now how much work she is and how much of her time she has to sacrifice for her and so returning her on some level sounds good. On the other hand she really loves this dog and doesn't want to return her. It took me over an hour to calm her down. 

Asked him about it when he got home. He claims he never said they would return the dog. After 25 years he really thinks I can't tell when he's lying. Then my oldest informs me that he only told my youngest that as a way to get her to help out with the dog more. It was all just to scare her and manipulate her.

That's some mighty fine parenting right there folks.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Warning… I am about to go on a rant lol



And this is why I want to punch people who defend a man for engaging and long term deception, saying bless his heart it must be really hard to come out and houses ciety made life hard for him. Bowl freaking krapp. A man who marries a woman when he is gay and hides it 4 years on and is not a victum. He is a man who has become skilled at deception and manipulation. This is evidenced by his threat to your poor daughter that he was going to return the dog as a way to get her to do something. Men who do this do not deserve some politically correct type of pity. He lied to you, he manipulates your children, and your marriage has ended. This is not about gay rights. This is about a man who disrupted an entire family and deserves 0 sympathy peering it


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> Warning… I am about to go on a rant lol
> 
> 
> 
> And this is why I want to punch people who defend a man for engaging and long term deception, saying bless his heart it must be really hard to come out and houses ciety made life hard for him. Bowl freaking krapp. A man who marries a woman when he is gay and hides it 4 years on and is not a victum. He is a man who has become skilled at deception and manipulation. This is evidenced by his threat to your poor daughter that he was going to return the dog as a way to get her to do something. Men who do this do not deserve some politically correct type of pity. He lied to you, he manipulates your children, and your marriage has ended. This is not about gay rights. This is about a man who disrupted an entire family and deserves 0 sympathy peering it


Not going to argue with you there. The longer I am separated from him the more I see how selfish and manipulative he is and I wonder how I didn't notice it for so long. 

I was SO looking forward to our mediation appointment today to get the ball rolling on the divorce. When I mentioned it yesterday he said "oh we're still doing that? I haven't filled out my forms yet" and I wanted to say "well, do you still like ****s? Because if you do, we're still doing it." I had to cancel the appointment. It will probably be another month before mine and his and the lawyer's schedule line up. That's another month married to him and carrying his damn name. I'm so livid I can't even express it all.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

See if your lawyer can fix it so you get divorced even if he doesn't participate.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

notmyjamie said:


> I think they bring her out to potty and then let her walk around for a while each time. They were told not to bring her for long walks until she's a bit older. I have no idea what the plan is for when they go back to school. They go back in 8 weeks so she'll be 18 weeks old by then. According to their research she'll be able to go 4-5 hours between potty breaks by then. I don't know what STBX is planning to do then or how accurate that information really is either.


Why on earth would you ever want to be rid of this man?! <eyeroll!>. 

Just curious, how are your allergies doing with the pup in the house so far?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

turnera said:


> See if your lawyer can fix it so you get divorced even if he doesn't participate.


I might just have to do that. He told me he had a meeting at work so that's why he couldn't do it. The appt was for right now and he's still home. I guess that meeting wasn't that important afterall.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

WorkingWife said:


> Why on earth would you ever want to be rid of this man?! <eyeroll!>.
> 
> Just curious, how are your allergies doing with the pup in the house so far?


Well, I would have said I wasn't doing too badly, but this morning I looked at my inhaler and found I used up 70 puffs in 1 week so that's not good. That means I'm using my inhaler about 5 times a day. My doctor would be upset to hear that. But, the pollen count has been high so that's a contributing factor as well. 

The kids have been really good about not letting her into my apartment or even the family room which leads to my apartment. But I do go over and see my kids a lot during the day before STBX comes home so I am getting exposed. They can't leave her alone so if I don't go there, I don't really see my kids. Another reason to be upset...by getting the dog, he's made it so my kids can't even really come over and spend time with me. 

But, we are leaving today for a 4 day vacation to the Cape so I will have them all to myself!!! Woohoo!!!


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Make sure the home air filters are allergy rated and change them out often. Also get a good air purifier for your apartment to trap allergens. And another air purifier or two in the main house where the dog is most times can also help reduce dander in the rest of the house.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> I wanted to say "well, do you still like ****s? Because if you do, we're still doing it."


I will straight up send you 20 bucks if you say this and record it


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