# Newly Web Blues



## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

Not even sure where to start but surprising to me, I’ve become just lost. This is long, sorry 

I’m in my early 40’s was divorced for 7 years, have 1 teenage son. “Was” very active “leader” in my church involved in various activates as a “Single” most nights of the week and worked full time job. Also, part owner in small business and early part of year started a Non-profit. As well as an involved single parent.

Love God and very strong believer in my Christian faith. God has taken care of me & evolved me to new heights since I recommitted my life to him about 10 years ago. I found “me” during this time. Great, great, great time. I became whole, complete, lacking nothing and quite satisfied.

Three months ago I got remarried. I’m not sure if I’ve gone into shock or what, lol. In my thinking and in the best interest of my “new” marriage, I’ve only committed to 1 area in my church which only active during normal church time. So, I’m home every night & hubby likes that. We (my son & I) moved from our house into my husband’s house. I got rid of all of my possessions when was a great and freeing as majority of it was tied to old/dead/divorced marriage.

I was/am finding myself very unfulfilled and unhappy in my new environment as I found myself wanting to leave every single day. Funny, I’ve read the books, taught the classes, know what it takes, have learned from my mistakes but now I’m the one lost. It’s truly ironic. I’m the leader, the encourager, the motivator, the optimistic one but can’t seem to motivate myself or be that winner in my marriage.

My husband likes the fact that I’m home every night and that other activities outside of home involves “us”. However, my husband it appears “needs” his recreational game time inside the home and would spend hours doing so until “bedtime”. So, at first I was just left to sit in this one room and watch TV. I don’t watch TV, lol but felt I needed to be home for the best interest of marriage. Then, I was going stir crazy and talked with him about his “gaming” time while I’m in the house doing nothing. It’s improved but he seems to “need” to be playing some kind of game. So it changed to sitting me with while playing something on computer, phone, etc., lol. That’s one thing….

Other things:

-Agreed to first move to his house and then transition to “our” house. We would make some adjustment to his place to accommodate me. But, I found that my husband gets anxiety and have issues with letting things go so nothing has really changed in “his” environment except for bedroom make over. I just said forget it to keep the peace. Now, he says it’s best we just stay there verses looking for another house since his is paid for. Not the original agreement.

-He get into the “ideals” about how things should be done around the house but he doesn’t see that he’s not consistent himself with said “ideas” and that’s why it’s hard for others to follow through also. It irks me to no end. Now when he starts, I just look at him, lol

I know it’s a big change for him also as he’s in his late 40’s and has been divorced and single for 14 years. I do have a very strong personality but have just start to internalize a lot so I’m not over bearing or always complaining. But I know marriage is work and we both have to fight for a “good” marriage. But he appears that he’s happy with having me as his wife as he says it every morning or every night. But I on most days find myself just coping……. just being a very small tiny shadow of myself.

Recent example:

Well, we had date night and it was going great from 6p – 9p in a couples meeting. Then all of a sudden, he found the need to surf web on device while still in middle of “date night/couples meeting” and then answered a silly text msg while in group discussion. Then, he asked if we could sneak out early. I was just DONE! He realized that I was irritated and asked why. I said why is it that you can’t seem to stay “in the moment” for just 3 hours in a week outside of sex. Funny, we got home and he was upset and went straight to “gaming.” I got more irritated even more and just let it rip. 

I reminded him that I’ve mentioned all this before, that I don’t need “all” his attention but at times just some “undivided attention”. I guess I said I can’t live like this and I didn’t marry to die inside. So, he heard that “I was leaving”. Can’t be sure that I said that, I did say “I can’t live like this”, so he said then just leave. I said ok fine and went to bed. Well, it was kind of weird but he climbed in bed right behind me and he stuck to me like glue. 

He comforted, he told me that he didn’t want me to leave and he asked me to describe to him what I needed. He said that he didn’t realize that I was so unhappy because he was happy. He also told me that if I constantly make leaving an option then I’ll probably eventually leave. He told me that he struggles with staying focused on one thing. Then he told me what he needed and that he felt I don’t “touch” him enough. Not have sex with him enough but “touch” him enough. We have sex at “least” 4 times a week. We were communicating which was good. Then, he says as things settle down, you heard what the lady in the meeting said tonight, “if you don’t touch your husband then some other woman will.” I was like [email protected][email protected][email protected][email protected]# A threat!!! I said, ok how did we get here & why are we bringing third parties into this? Lost again…..Was it a threat for a threat? I don’t know, I’m trying to figure out if I threaten him with leaving…..OMG, how old are we & what have we learned from our past failed marriages, very irritating on both parts……

Well, when I woke up I was sort of ok(that other woman comment was still there). When he woke up, he was furious I guess. He jumped up, got dressed and left without a word. I was like, ok maybe he just ran up to street to the store. But soon I realized that wasn’t the case, I texted and asked, honey, where are you? No response. This action of leaving without any acknowledgement to me is a not good. He returns not a word and I asked if he got my text, he just says, yes. I was like ok, fine. I had to go to work so I told him I was going to work for an hour and would be back. When I got back he was gone. Ok, now you are pissing me off. This is stupid. I try to communicate again and I got again a one word response. So the child in me said ok, cool. You shut me out, I’ll shut you out. Silliness, I tell you and I know this is crazy. We didn’t talk to each other at all for the remainder of the day. 

So the next morning, I decide to disengage and I’m hurting and don’t like it at all. How did we get here? We communicate about the necessary only and I’m way in left field and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to “get right” I don’t want to have anything at all to do with him. He went to do things with family for a few hours and I was glad or at least I think so. I’m mad and internalize and try to find peace, comfort, etc. within myself. I do on some level but don’t desire to engage with him at all. I pray and ask to be fixed like for real. I know this is not right!!!! 

So, I go to bed early and low and behold, he’s right behind me but you can tell he’s not “friendly” ok, now I’m mad again, lol. Because, if you want to still act silly, then do it in another room, lol. Well, I fall off to sleep and then wake up in middle of night and he’s playing a game on his phone. I was like ok, I don’t care anymore but why are you in the bedroom. He doesn’t know I’m awake but now I am and miserable again. He eventually stops and tries to go to sleep. We stay as far away from each other as possible. At this point, I don’t want any interaction as I can’t seem to get over that “other woman touching thing” and his seemly intentional, punishing behavior towards me. Well, this morning, funny thing, he inched his way closer and closer without actually committing, lol, this is silly, I know. I didn’t make him move as I wasn’t even sure he was aware. Naturally, we start of sleeping very close and by morning comfortable separate, we rarely wake up spooning and we’re good with that. But this morning, he was most definitely way outside of his normal space and in mine. 

This is all silly to me and I had grown to handle situation in more of a mature matter but I’m failing these days and am becoming stubborn. I see that I’m failing but can’t seem to STOP!!!!! This is very childish to me and I’m like ok why can’t we just hear and respect each other and let it be over and done with and move on.

After typing all this I realized a major fault & pattern, sad. His ex-wife one day just picked up and left one day without warning and was remarried 6 months later. He was devastated. My-ex-husband was a serial cheater who decided one day to leave his family for another woman. So, now I’m always leaving and he thinking about cheating? How weird and crazy is that? Funny you think you’ve dealt with the demons but somewhere deep they can still be lurking…..

Ugh, at my wits end……..


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Eden, first let me say that you are older than me (I'm 28, H is 32) have more experience than me and probably more mature than me. So I probably can't tell you much. But you only been married 3 months why you all not all over each other? I realize you have a teenage son, does he ever go to his Dad? Or can he stay with relative some times? Because I don't blame your H for wanting to leave that "date night" it sound really boring.

Now, I understand about church activity, I was raised a Christian but did not adhere to it and even though I was a virgin when my H and I got into a relationship, I did not wait for marriage. We still do go to church but we both could do much better in that department. But nothing I see in Christianity that say you have to have a "date night" that's unromantic. One thing I will say though about your H telling you he need to be touch more after 3 month you not touching him enough? Why? And at 3 month he rather play video game than be with you? Why? 

Also you two just seem to have miss what marriage is from a biblical point. Two become one. ONE. So you are on the same team so why are you acting like enemy? Can't one of you put yourself aside and try to strenghtn the marriage by not looking on your need but on the need of each other? 

I guess what I'm saying is you seem like you know what a marriage should be and you missing it! It some single women at my church who would give anything to have a chance at a godly marriage again. Don't throw it away! Be willing to work on your marriage! Treat your honey with kindness but also show him that yes indeed you can touch him enough the way he want to be touch. I bet you will see him rather be with you than some video game.

Oh my the way you can use your womanly wiles to get that man away from those games. You haven't forgot how to do that, have you?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

There sure are a lot of issues for only being married 3 months. Is he willing to give up as much as you did for the marriage?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long did you date before you got married? How well did you really know him?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And is counseling through your church or elsewhere an option?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I'm wondering what dating him was like... if he's on the web and gaming that much I think it would have been difficult to hide.


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

Did God bring him your way?


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## PM1 (Aug 9, 2011)

Wow, sounds like major communication breakdown both direct and indirect. Seems to me you had some agreements and they should be lived up to (house, etc.) if they are important to you and you would hold resentment if they fell through. You both are acting a bit middle-school-ish to me with the silence and one-upping each other. 

I don't know how you communicate, but one example in your post, "I had to go to work so I told him I was going to work for an hour and would be back. When I got back he was gone. Ok, now you are pissing me off." was interesting. Did you tell him to be home when you got back, or expect hime to just know that was what you meant? 

Good luck, as someone married to a poor communicator, it can be tough.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I see some very serious things here....

How does he expect you to touch him more if he's paying games all the time and ignoring you? It's interesting, and disturbing, that he picked up on one thing said in the meeting that gives him justification to use against you.. yet he does not see his own contribution to the problem.

A 3 hour couples meeting at the church is not what date night is supposed to be about. Date night is supposed to be the two of you doing something together, just the two of you.

You gave up a lot to move in with him. And then he will not even follow through on his promise to get a house that is new to both of you. The rule of thumb with marriage is either you get a new house that is new to you both. Or the house that belonged to one of you gets a complete do-over of that the new spouse make it their home as well. The two of you need to re-do the house, buy some new furniture, new drapes, new paint... whatever makes the home yours as well.

To keep the love/passion alive in a marriage, a couple needs to spend at least 15 hours a week together, doing date-like things, just the two of you.

Take a look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. I believe that the best advice I can give you is for the two of you to read those books together and do the work they suggest.


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> I will say though about your H telling you he need to be touch more after 3 month you not touching him enough? Why? And at 3 month he rather play video game than be with you? Why?


That’s the question that I’m asking while scratching my head. I have said it makes me feel as if you prefer to do that verses being with me. I don’t mind him playing. Here’s what I have mentioned, daily if we only get to see each other maybe 5 solid hours outside of sleeping and working and when I am in your presence, you spend 4 of those 5 hours gaming and 30 min showering so then we can have sex for 30 min, then that’s not working for me. 

I love touching and affection and intimacy and sex. And I know the importance of sex as a primary need for most men but to expect me to be ready and waiting after being ignored most of the time doesn’t make me feel desired as whole person. Oh, and he’s a great lover. I am very happy & satisfied when things are following good but even shocking to me that my sex drive actually went down because I have a high sex drive. It been puzzling. I like sex but sex without intimacy, connection, closeness doesn’t work for me. I’ve tried to explain it but it’s not clicking. 

So, I really resort to just taking a controller out of his hand with fisky/flirty play every single day or time? Oh and I’ve been told that’s not good as then he’ll be in penalty and can’t play his game if he abruptly ends his game, oh my…..


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

PBear said:


> How long did you date before you got married? How well did you really know him?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We’ve known each other for almost 3 years. He’s pursued me off and on during this time. His intensity towards me has truly been consistent. It’s been an interesting ride. 

When we did hang out or date, he, almost 95% of the time, gave me his undivided attention and vice versa. We would see each other a little during the week due to busy schedule and much more on weekends. We enjoyed each other, laughed, talked, cooked together, enjoyed food and have great chemistry. Honestly, I knew he played games but he never played while I was around. Whenever, we were together we were engaged in each other. He is self-employed so his time is less structured than mine is work wise.


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

PBear said:


> And is counseling through your church or elsewhere an option?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Honestly, before we do that. I think we need to try, communicate and be adults within our marriage before seeking counseling. We keep acting like school age children and that's not me, lol but I sure have resorted to it.

Honestly, I came here to get insight that I may be missing and to get "me" right or headed in the right direction.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

anja said:


> Did God bring him your way?


I was wondering that myself.



Eden1973 said:


> Love God and very strong believer in my Christian faith. God has taken care of me & evolved me to new heights since I recommitted my life to him about 10 years ago. I found “me” during this time.


Sure sounds like it.


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

anja said:


> Did God bring him your way?


LOL, is that a loaded question?


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

If he feels the need to play games all night, I wouldn't feel the need to stay home and watch. As soon as he started playing a game, I'd be like "I'm going out, see ya later."

I would suggest counseling. If it's this bad in only 3 months, I don't see anything good up ahead. He needs to realize that this is not married life. He can't stop at least partially dating you just because you are married now.


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I see some very serious things here....
> 
> How does he expect you to touch him more if he's paying games all the time and ignoring you? It's interesting, and disturbing, that he picked up on one thing said in the meeting that gives him justification to use against you.. yet he does not see his own contribution to the problem.
> 
> You gave up a lot to move in with him. And then he will not even follow through on his promise to get a house that is new to both of you. The rule of thumb with marriage is either you get a new house that is new to you both. Or the house that belonged to one of you gets a complete do-over of that the new spouse make it their home as well. The two of you need to re-do the house, buy some new furniture, new drapes, new paint... whatever makes the home yours as well.


Yes, thank you. I noticed that to. How it's like tic for tac. I bring up an issues and it can't be left there and dealth with. He had to end the night with finding something against me. Me no like...

At first, it was like yes, we will have our "own" thing but he's very comfortable in his enviorment. Parts of me feels he does what to break free as we are also surrounded (1 three houses down and another right across the street) by his family. Changing things around and reorganzing seems to make him ansy. It's now become delicate and so I'm being patient.....


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> To keep the love/passion alive in a marriage, a couple needs to spend at least 15 hours a week together, doing date-like things, just the two of you.
> 
> Take a look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. I believe that the best advice I can give you is for the two of you to read those books together and do the work they suggest.


I have been deeply reading and into the MB principles. Trying to understand and gain knowledge. I love all info there and we actually got one of the books as a wedding present,


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

lenzi said:


> I was wondering that myself.
> 
> 
> 
> Sure sounds like it.



Explain? What are you saying?


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

PM1 said:


> I don't know how you communicate, but one example in your post, "I had to go to work so I told him I was going to work for an hour and would be back. When I got back he was gone. Ok, now you are pissing me off." was interesting. Did you tell him to be home when you got back, or expect hime to just know that was what you meant?


It’s the “independent” behavior that bothers me. Anytime I have plans or leaving outside of him, I communicate it, I thought it was respectful to let your spouse know. Funny, it’s expected of me, lol. He sometimes fall short in this area. In this case, he was being spiteful I believe.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Sometimes it helps to have a third party (neutral) help the communication to stay on the adult level. You did mention that his last wife left him high and dry. When he thought you were leaving, he put back up the wall to try to protect himself from that hurt again. He is still sensitive in that area. We all need to make changes, but he really needs to cut way back on the gaming. Does he do this for an escape?


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

justonelife said:


> He needs to realize that this is not married life. He can't stop at least partially dating you just because you are married now.


And BINGO was his name O!!! Yes, it hit me today by talking this out. He "exhaled", he "relaxed" and thought the work was done. After, the yes, things started to change. He stopped pursuing me. He was "intense" and now just very relaxed. Ummmm.....


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

Eden1973 said:


> LOL, is that a loaded question?


Not meant to be, and my apologies if it came across that way.

If you feel that God sent him to you and your marriage to him is His will, then perhaps you are what he needs? Perhaps (and I'm only offering a different point of view here, not speculating about God's motives) He is working on your husband through you?


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Eden1973 said:


> LOL, is that a loaded question?


No, that was a condescending question. He/she and Lenzi are agnostics/atheists and have nothing but disdain for religion.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

anja said:


> Not meant to be, and my apologies if it came across that way.
> 
> If you feel that God sent him to you and your marriage to him is His will, then perhaps you are what he needs? Perhaps (and I'm only offering a different point of view here, not speculating about God's motives) He is working on your husband through you?


And that was a condescending response, so ignore it.


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

MrK, I am wondering what gives you the impression that I am agnostic/atheist and have nothing but disdain for religion?

PS. I am a woman.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

anja said:


> MrK, I am wondering what gives you the impression that I am agnostic/atheist and have nothing but disdain for religion?


I'll try to limit my hijacking now. 

I owe you an apology. Sometimes I shoot first and ask questions later. After posting that, I went looking for "proof" of your disdain for religion in your old posts and found the opposite. 

I get tired of atheists ridiculing religious folks. That's what I thought you were doing. Apologies again.


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

MrK said:


> I'll try to limit my hijacking now.
> 
> I owe you an apology. Sometimes I shoot first and ask questions later. After posting that, I went looking for "proof" of your disdain for religion in your old posts and found the opposite.
> 
> I get tired of atheists ridiculing religious folks. That's what I thought you were doing. Apologies again.


No harm done, thank you for setting the record straight.

I'm a shoot first kind of person too, and regrettably it's quite possible, although tragic, that I did/will, in fact, give off the wrong impression somewhere, some time.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

MrK said:


> I'll try to limit my hijacking now.
> 
> I owe you an apology. Sometimes I shoot first and ask questions later. After posting that, I went looking for "proof" of your disdain for religion in your old posts and found the opposite.
> 
> I get tired of atheists ridiculing religious folks. That's what I thought you were doing. Apologies again.


Hey MrK I feel hurt. You never apologized for any of the mean thing you said about me!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Eden1973 said:


> It’s the “independent” behavior that bothers me. Anytime I have plans or leaving outside of him, I communicate it, I thought it was respectful to let your spouse know. Funny, it’s expected of me, lol. He sometimes fall short in this area. In this case, he was being spiteful I believe.


We train people how to treat us.

If he's being spiteful take they payoff away and he will stop.

It's like when people act childish and give the silent treatment. If you leave and pay them no mind they will stop the behavior.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Eden1973 said:


> Explain? What are you saying?


You talk quite a bit how God did is responsible for all these things that have transpired in your life, so it would naturally follow that this man is in your life because of God's will.


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

Good morning all you wonderful people and thank you all so much for taking time and helping me. It’s helped a lot talking it out with others that are “neutral.”

Dear Hubby, let me know before I got off work yesterday that we needed to talk last night. So, he was tired of this craziness just as I was

First he pretty much just talked about his day and what had happened that day and he was in a great mood, 180 degree turn from just 24 hours before. 

Well, lol, the classic avoidance tactic kicked in and its bed time and still no “talk.” He wanted to “play” (wink, wink) and was very passionate about “playing” and of course after a fight, “play” time can be very arousing and exciting. He can be very sweet, gentle and sweet talking and likes to gaze in my eyes, hey a girl can get lost. But hey, if we bury and stuff, explosion will continue to happen. So a girl had to jump back and say, hey, we were supposed to be having a talk tonight. 

I have to laugh, laugh, laugh. First, he told me that he loved me very much, he said that “if” he hurt me that he was very sorry and he doesn’t intentionally try to hurt me. Then he pretty much tells me that it’s my fault and made judgments about me being overly emotional and that he couldn’t “own my hyper-emotions” and that I needed to just pray and let GOD show me. ROFLOL, OMG, he said you must have some emotional thing or childhood thing going on if you purposely avoid touching me, your husband, like I need. Oh my, GOD’s grace is so amazing because this could have started another spiral downward.

So, I said ok, while laughing, are you serious. I said “we” are talking and communicating and trying to gain some understanding of each other, so let’s not use God, childhood crap or any other thing as a scrap goat. You tell me what you see and feel and I tell you and let’s try to see each other’s viewpoint. Let’s be serious and get serious if we truly want something real.

He says, ok, I’ve told you a few times before and told you the story before and gave you the key. I’m yours and I only want you and I want to be close to you and I want you to be my best friend. So, the key sweetie is that I need you to just “pet” me and “train” me like a dog to respond to you like you need. OMG, yes, he’s told me the training the dog story a time or two but never did I get that he was telling me that’s what I needed to do to him. Touch is very, very, very important to him. Not sexual touch as he says it’s not the sex, he’s happy in the sex department. It’s the touching outside of the bedroom. It’s truly a great need for him to be touched and petted in a non-sexual way. So, he says if I’m playing the game too long just come pet me and touch me and I’ll stop. Whatever you need, he says just touch me, get my attention and tell me and then he says, I will wag my tail for you. And there you go………

I’m still processing and trying not to over analyze. Not sure it’s that simple and maybe it is. My primary need is “quality” time not a whole lot of time just undivided attention when we have set aside time for each without all the distractions in the world. To know he’s actually listening to me and trying to understand me and not in any way trying to “fix” me. He says I don’t talk enough and I said I don’t because I can’t seem to keep your attention without you reaching for some device. He had excuses for his device usages at particular times.

The good thing is that we are talking and communicating. Only time will tell if we are “hearing” each other……

Side note: I don't play games or get into any type of debates about God and my faith. It's just that "my" faith. Even in the faith we can have various opinions or whatever. I have free will, free choice and own my decisons and certainly don't use "God's will" as oppressive token or get out of jail free card. I'm free in Him and I live in a "natural" world. I don't use "my" faith to escape life and consequences of life. I use "my" faith to live as successful as possible with hope in this crazy world.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

My ex had a gaming problem so I understand how frustrating it can be. If he wants you to pet and touch him, that's fine. But I wouldn't be petting him as a way to get him to stop playing a game. Personally, I would feel as if I was trying to compete with a game for my husband's attention, which I absolutely will not do. If he wants to be petted and touched, then he can put the *($#(#ing game down and come meet some of my needs too.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I see this (his ideology) as him continually getting his needs met and having to be coaxed/reminded to meeting yours. If you don't fish him out of the lake, he'll keep on swimming.

No bueno.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Eden1973 said:


> I need you to just “pet” me and “train” me like a dog to respond to you like you need. OMG, yes, he’s told me the training the dog story a time or two but never did I get that he was telling me that’s what I needed to do to him. Touch is very, very, very important to him.


He wants you to treat him like a dog. 

Better idea:

Go to the local shelter and get yourself a dog. Hound dogs are smart, they learn fast, they're devoted and loyal and their love is unconditional. Once you get the dog settled in, time to go to the courthouse and file for divorce. Having the dog around will help you through the lonely times ahead.


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## Eden1973 (Sep 9, 2013)

Well it doesn't appear to be a "foreign" concept yet he can be viewed as odd. Actually many articles, even a movie and a book on how to "train/treat your spouse like a pet"

The general idea is that many pet owners love actually unconditionally love thier dogs and can spend a lot of time and energy investing in thier pets through unconditional love, communicating and training. So like pets spouses can are "trainable". I know I've gone done a weird road it seems but it's not foreign concept as outlined in some of these articles and the book. 

*Internet Articles: *
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Dog Trainer Reveals “The Secret” To A Good Marriage | Train Your Dog Blog

Tips for a Successful Marriage: Treat your Husband more like your Dog

*Movie: *
It is If a Man Answers with Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee, Dee marries Darin and to keep him happy her mother suggests a book on dog training saying that is how she trained her father to be a good husband. It's a good comedy. I have it on DVD and got it thru Columbia House DVD movie club. 

*Book:*
What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage: Lessons for People from Animals and Their Trainers Paperback by Amy Sutherland 

Right now I think I'm hearing - "I'm willing, just teach me"


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

As I read the NYT article, I can't help but be reminded of my own marriage. The demise of which is in direct relation to this type of superior thinking. I have, for quite a while, thought of myself as better and tried to "train", or, change, my husband. It has fueled arrogance in me, which I resent. It has also, at times, caused a type of parent/child relationship in my perception, since this is exactly what I do with our children (reward desirable behaviors, ignore undesirable ones). I do not wish to be his mother.

It has contributed to me losing a lot of respect for my husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

anja said:


> As I read the NYT article, I can't help but be reminded of my own marriage. The demise of which is in direct relation to this type of superior thinking. I have, for quite a while, thought of myself as better and tried to "train", or, change, my husband. It has fueled arrogance in me, which I resent. It has also, at times, caused a type of parent/child relationship in my perception, since this is exactly what I do with our children (reward desirable behaviors, ignore undesirable ones). I do not wish to be his mother.
> 
> It has contributed to me losing a lot of respect for my husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This exactly. You married a grown man. You shouldn't have to "train" him like a child or puppy. You will lose respect, attraction and love for him this way. Part of the reason my ex's gaming addiction was so frustrating was exactly because I felt more like his mother than his wife, having to "monitor" his game time. I don't want to monitor my husband like a child. I want him to be a man and recognize his responsibilities.

What exactly are you supposed to do? Smack him on the nose with a newspaper when he plays too much? Ground him? This is ridiculous.


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