# What is it I should do?



## SouthernBeauty (May 24, 2011)

Hey all! First I am new here, and I am SO glad I found this place! I am hoping that you all can help me. I am going to try to make this as short as possible! Here goes, My husband and I met in Highschool on our Cross-country team. We were head overheals for eachother and knew we would get married.He was a year ahead of me and when he graduated (2006) he went into the Marine Reserves . We remained together through his bootcamp even though it was NOT easy. Then the year I graduated I went straight into the Army Guard (2007). We still remained together for my bootcamp which again was NOT any easier. When I got back from bootcamp I ended up going to college for cross-country an hour and a half away. This is where things really started to get harder, anyways in, 2008, I got into a bad car accident and couldnt run competivally any longer. So I moved back home, the month I moved home he left for Iraq. He was gone from nearly the middle of 2008 until march of 2009. When he came back he propsed to me (in june 2009) and of course I said yes. We moved out of our parents house and into a condo. I had started working full time for the guard so I made enough to support us. Things started to turn bad here, and kept going down hill. I tried so hard to make things better and all I could do was become B*ticher and amore resentful but my determination got the best of me. I found out that Feb we were expecting. We were SO excited and could not wait.We got married in March and we decided the condo was not big enough for the three of us so we bought a house. Things got even worse when we moved into this house. I noticed he did not care to help me out as much especially as my belly grew. He seemed so distracted by friends and his Volunteer firefighting that I felt I was in the marriage alone (and pregnancy). I constatnly struggled for his attention and his help around the house. I start to treat him badly and make him feel like nothing he did was right when he actually did do something and I think this made things worse but Its like I almost could not help it because I still was angry with him. I tryed to do movie nights and plan things for us but he was not happy. I would let him have parties in our oversized garage with his friends to make him happy. Stil nothing. Anyways, 6 weeks after I had the baby I discovered he was cheating with my best friend (ex now). So I took the baby and got my own apartment. That was November 2010, I have gone through alot of friend weeding and trying to put my life back together. About 2 months ago we decided to try to rekindle the relationship. Basically it went sour, I went back to being a B*tch because he is always gone at the Fire Department or here or there and not helping at the house and so, he said he wanted to separate because he has more "growing up" to do but that he wants me to wait on a divorce in hopes we can eventually work things out. and I will admit I have some things I need to work on too but I have told him that this IS my life. Our child IS my life and I have my career. I basically feel like he is up and leaving so he can go do what ever he wants and come and go as he pleases. I know I can not stop him and have come to terms with the fact he probably is not ready for a family as he thought, but I feel if this is the choice he is going to make I need to proceed with the divorce because it is obvious his heart is only half way in this. I am torn in between staying in the marriage and just trying this separation thing AGAIN or going through with the divroce and moving on with my life. My child is SO important to me and what I really want is us to work out so he can have a mom and a dad together like neither one of us had but not at the expense of us being unhappy because I know the environment would not be good for the baby. So what adivce would you give me?  Thank you!

Ps. we did try marriage counseling but are now unable to afford it!


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> Ps. we did try marriage counseling but are now unable to afford it!


 MC is definitely cheaper than a 2nd rent. Can you do counseling through the VA. I've heard a few people do it. If not, get a few good MC books and learn from there.

There is no silver bullet, but things can probably be fixed.

Relationships aren't easy, especially since you both come from families of divorce.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Southern,

Did he propose marriage before you became pregnant or after? From what you've written, you two had very little time together and things were pretty rocky but all of a sudden, you became pregant and then the marriage. His resentment seemed to grow with your belly. He says he needs to "grow up". Sounds like a guy who feels he was trapped into a marriage he was not ready for. Maybe his lack of involvement in the house and the marriage is his passive-aggressive way of resisting a situation he feels wasn't his idea. How did he react when you first told him you were pregnant?


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## SouthernBeauty (May 24, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Southern,
> 
> Did he propose marriage before you became pregnant or after? From what you've written, you two had very little time together and things were pretty rocky but all of a sudden, you became pregant and then the marriage. His resentment seemed to grow with your belly. He says he needs to "grow up". Sounds like a guy who feels he was trapped into a marriage he was not ready for. Maybe his lack of involvement in the house and the marriage is his passive-aggressive way of resisting a situation he feels wasn't his idea. How did he react when you first told him you were pregnant?


He asked me to marry him 8 months before I got pregnant and he was very excited when I told him I was pregnant. He was really good in the hospital with me and the baby too. And same with the first few weeks the baby was born.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Not sure what part of the country y'all are in, but there's an organization around here, "First Things First" that gives free marriage seminars. Wife and I attended one and they're really good. The Army puts on free marriage retreats, too. I bet the chaplain's office can suggest some other resources, too. If you're still a NG employee, you probably qualify. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's always sad, but especially with small kids.


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