# When and how would you like to be told?



## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

I am pretty sure I have had similar threads on here before, but here I am yet again! I am facing starting a new relationship, and of course all the anxieties I have about it have cropped up and are just lingering in my head. 

So men, please tell me, how and when you would like to learn that the gal you are dating, and into, has been an escort in the past? I keep getting told I am disclosing things to quickly, but I can only put off sex so long without the guy feeling like I am not into him. I understand that its not something that someone who isn't going to be my long term boyfriend needs to know, but I have no way of knowing what a relationship will be. 

So tell me, help me. When should I tell a man this?


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

If by escort you mean prostitute, that's tough. If it were me, I'd have you checked for STDs, but even then it would be tough knowing you slept with a lot of guys.

I wouldn't stay with you. If you have the need to say it, you should say it at the beginning. If he can deal with it, then great. A lot of guys might not be able to. If you can live with it, then it might be better not to say anything.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

In a public place.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> So men, please tell me, how and when you would like to learn that the gal you are dating, and into, has been an escort in the past? I keep getting told I am disclosing things to quickly, but I can only put off sex so long without the guy feeling like I am not into him. I understand that its not something that someone who isn't going to be my long term boyfriend needs to know, but I have no way of knowing what a relationship will be.
> 
> So tell me, help me. When should I tell a man this?


I wouldn't think it relevant until you started pertinent discussion. You wouldn't skip from the weather to "I was an escort". At some point people begin talking about their past sexual history, or in this case if it was your major source of income then this is your job history.

It wouldn't matter to me much. There is a difference between a drug addict fueling her daily habit and a girl who did some limited escort work to pay for college. 

When you choose that kind of work, this is one of the costs. You have limited the kinds of guys that are going to want relationships with you. At least you weren't a radical feminist.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

If you are certain that you are negative for STD, then give yourself a fresh start and do not mention the past. You will need to come to terms with the why of it and move on from that.

You will need to assure yourself that there is no way that the past will come back to haunt you. You may need to relocate from the area you did your business in. Does your family know your past history ?


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

Sooner rather than later and in a letter that reads...

I am developing feelings for you so there is something I feel you should know. I was once an escort which involved X number of men over a period of y years. Understandably, some men would not be comfortable with these facts. I understand if you are one of them. I (do or do not) regret the choice I made at that time in my life and here is why...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

This is a thorny problem and some of the previous posters raised some good points.

First off, there are two problems that you are seeing which really aren't interrelated.

First, how to have sex with a guy

Second, how to tell him about your past.

Unless you're 19, and probably not then, he is NOT expecting you to be a virgin. But if I was having sex with a woman and suddenly discovered she was an escort, it would totally scuttle my relationship *because I'd be worried about several things.*

1) STDs. As a consequence of your profession, you need to have STD work ups done every six months until you are in a mongamous relationship. I want to see a RECENT clean bill of health. I would also insist on condoms, of course.

2) I would worry about your past history catching up to you. I can just imagine myself at a party with you, and having you have a quiet and intense conversation with what turns out to be one of your former 'John's'. This is something uncomfortable for both of us and serves as a constant reminder. IF I went into a relationship with you, I could take the occasional 'shocker' but they better be YEARS apart!

So, you need to relocate well away from your former haunts and those of your customers.

3) The criminal element trying to rope you back in. I don't need Ramon suddenly showing up at my door, wanting a loan, wanting you back, wanting you to hide some blow for him...whatever. I want a reasonably NORMAL existance with you (probably with extra sex...). You need to outline how this isn't going to be a problem. But if it is...well...sorry. Probably woudn't stay. But if I did, I'm want to be able to prepare us physically, emotionally, and legally to face these issues. Hiding it isn't fair to him.

4) I would definitely worry that you would have sexual and relationship issues that I couldn't solve. If you can't orgasm, I wouldn't want to be with you. That doesn't mean you are an unworthy person. It means I want to spend my life with a woman who wants me, not someone who considers that the coin she must pay to have a relationship. (This gets tangled up a bit. I'd probably expect MORE and BETTER sex as part of the price for investing in you...but not ONLY as a duty! People are contradictory sometimes). 

5) Substance abuse! I might _might_ have a relationship to a _former_ escort. I don't want to add 'junkie' to the mix. Can someone say 'tox screening'?

If you are clean, if you can prove it with doctor's reports, and you insist on condoms, have sex when you want to have sex. Most likely, it will happen before either of you are thinking of taking it to the next level. As long as you can prove you're safe, they will resent it a little, but the impact will be blunted. Some won't like it, some will shrug, others will like the fact they got 'professional services' for free.

Second, this talk should probably come after sex, but before things get serious. I would prime the pump by mentioning that you have baggage/secrets/a 'history'. This shows you aren't lying to him per se. It also sets the stage for him to ask about this when he is starting to consider you more than a bedmate.

Personally, I would like to hear: a) it's done! b) that you had at least one LTR afterwards AND THE REASON IT BROKE UP. I want to know you are capable of having a relationship. HIm not being able to get over it is fine. YOU not being able to sustain one is a red flag.

I don't want to be too blunt, but you're going to have to be a bit more...flexible in what you'll accept as a partner. Every girl has 'The List'. Unfortunately, number one 'successful professional man' got crossed out and is replaced by 'can live with my past.' Now, NUMBER 2 can be 'successful professional man'...but it's very much number two.

Or you can lie. Good luck with that. It's happened before here. Hubby found out. I don't recall that it ever ended well...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Oh. Sorry. Your original question. I neglected it.

I would want to be told before we moved in together. Certainly before any 'I do's' are said. Thinking of myself, at some point, guys who WANT to know your past will have 'the discussion' with you.

However, there is a certain segment of guys who DON'T care about your past. For them, the most important thing is that you are with them now and are serious about HIM.

This is probably pretty attractive to try this. A 'get out of jail free' card relationshipwise. This secret is too big to just gloss over. Even one of these guys will look askance about this.

I would butter him up. No drinks. Maybe sex, but certainly a full stomach. Maybe after treating him to one of his favorite activities. It would be nice to have 'afterglow' to soften the edges. It's going to be burned away and he's at all aware, he knows something big is coming up.

MAKE SURE HE HAS A FULL STOMACH! It's hard to emphasize this. He won't feel like eating later probably as he digests this other thing. Have some Scope ready in case he needs to hurl. Answer the questions he has, than go away! So do it at HIS apartment, not yours. Or a public/private place.

Let him mull. Tell him you are giving him a couple days to think about things. If you haven't heard back from him in a week, you understand and you'll move on without any drama except picking up any of your stuff you left at his place.

Silence means 'no'. But set a deadline. Men don't do well without deadlines. BUT...tell him he can ask for an extension...but he needs to ASK.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Thank you all for your responses. I have plenty enough going against me as it is, I think I may just start omitting this bit of information from now on. The chances of a man finding out from someone beside me is not likely to happen. 

However, on the other hand. I am the type of woman that will forever feel like I am disrespecting a man by not giving him the option to make the choice. I KNOW its a big deal, and I KNOW anybody would feel totally deceived to not be told this and find out later by some weird chance. 

This is ALWAYS where I end up.

Why do you guys suggest telling in a public place?

Noissues I like the letter idea. 

JCD you are quite intuitive with a fair number of points on your list. I really appreciate your in-depth response, the time you took to write it, and your blunt honesty. Lots to think about.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does anyone who will be in your life in the future know that you were an excort? Is there any kind of record anywhere that it show up?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Your plight brought this poem I once heard to mind.

I offer it up with good intentions and without desire of causing offense. I can't see how it would happen, but I've been wrong before.



> The Ruined Maid
> 
> By Thomas Hardy 1840–1928
> 
> ...


Choices have consequences. But there also exists Forgiveness and Grace.

My only advice on the 'hiding things' from him plan is a) you can always change course on that, though doing it after marriage is...well...disrespectful as stated, 

and b) that you make sure that you have th health and tox screen documents I suggested dated from BEFORE you get intmate with him...whoever 'him' is, so you can show that while you didn't tell him out of shame, you took BASIC and CONSIDERATE care for his health and well being. I'd also strive to leave him absolutely no room for doubts about you and your integrity if the worst should happen and it all comes out. (See link below)


And lest you feel that you cannot change your stars, might I introduce you to Theodora, Empress of Byzantium, the most famous former 'escort' in history.

She got, not the brass ring, but one of solid gold!

Good luck. You can't change where you've been but you can change where you go from here.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

If it were me, I would want to know as soon as I felt the relationship was going farther. Not necessarily sex (as pointed out, as long as you know you are clean of STDs) but if things seem like they could progress, I would discuss it. It just saves both of you the heartache. I believe it would come out eventually. I might be 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road but then what? Maybe you have a child by then...

I am sorry but some (many?) men, just won't be able to handle it. But you will find some that can. For me, for example, I would probably have less of an issue in judging you or your decisions, for me I would be afraid of not being able to measure up to your past in bed. Not sure if that makes sense or not.

I do wish you good luck and hope you find happiness...


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> but I can only put off sex so long without the guy feeling like I am not into him


 *THIS* seems like a MUCH bigger problem to me than your past as an escort!

It seems you are 'giving in' to sex with a guy JUST to keep him from dumping you! That is not right!

You are right, however, to realize that it is disrespectful of you to take the choice away from a man by pretending your past was not what it was. Suppose YOU married a man that you found out later had, in a rage, beaten his first wife severely, served all his time (so no parole), and just pretended it didn't happen! Wouldn't you think HIS PAST was something that MIGHT be relevant to YOUR choice of him as a spouse?

I would ask MOST RESPECTFULLY if YOU have gotten any Individualized Counseling to deal with your past (WHY you got into escorting, how escorting affected your relationships with SOs, RESOLVING the problems/feelings that caused you to make the choices you did, steps to learn HEALTHIER patterns of living).

Doing this NOW would ENSURE that you are going to make healthier happier choices THROUGHOUT the rest of your life. It will help you heal OLD hurts, accept your past peacefully, move you into a position to be in MATURE relationships with men going forward.

I don't think you're there yet, and I don't think your choices of 'whom' to be in a relationship with nor 'how' to run your relationship is going to be any better/different than your past ones. Please consider being ALONE for the next 8-12 months (while you get into counseling) and doing some intensive HEALING on your own. You would be surprised how much BETTER you could make your life with some solitude and introspection. Relationships don't "fix" anything; only YOU can.

Good luck!


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

xElegirl no, no records, never got busted or hurt or anything like that. 

frustratedhubby thank you. 

JDC no offense taken by the poem. I don't really feel like I have the right to be offended when I am the one here asking for y'alls opinions anyway. 

Slowlygettingwiser. I probably do put out too quickly, but I think I am not explaining what I am trying to say well. Like, say you had been hanging out with a girl for a while, and you guys got to the point where you had made out a handful of times, but she makes sure things don't get to intense. Wouldnt you feel like she was just not into you? Or possibly just messing around? 

I am not saying I havnt been a total easy **** in the past. Being able to just get it on with any man takes a level of dehumanizing men on my part for sure. Having men pay me for sex added to that. 

I have been single for ages now. I have not had many real relationships. I feel like I am emotionally ready for one now though. In fact, I had even met a man who was everything I have ever wanted. Looking back it was an absolutely unhealthy thing for me, and not even remotely close to a real relationship, but as it was, I thought we were both being honest and having real, open conversations and being truthful. Turns out this was the furthest thing from the truth. He ended up dumping me, and marrying a girl he had been dating behind my back the entire time. It was devastating, but honestly I had it coming, I owed that in karma LOL.

I know and understand all the reasons why I made the choice to be an escort. I did to to therapy a few times, a couple years ago. I felt like I had picked out the therapist that would be the least likely to judge me. He was the only one who listed sexual issues without the element of childhood abuse (I had a lovely childhood). I didn't want some therapist trying to convince me that something had to have happened to me as a kid or anything. However, the therapist I picked was NOT a good match for me. I felt like he was catering to what I WANTED to hear, not what I NEEDED to hear. He even went as far as to say he thought that selling myself was a healthy choice because it at least showed that I was putting a value on myself. In a sense I guess he was right, because in part I sold my sex because I was sick of giving it away free to guys who didnt appreciate it enough (turns out men appreciate things they pay good money for lol). 

After being an escort, despite how much I like sex, and despite the fact that the guys I had been with were very kind and respectful, I developed major anxiety. For 2 years afterwards, I couldn't even think about sex without literally getting physically ill! Every "date" I had SO much anxiety about it, and it wouldnt fade until I had left safely, which like I said, happened every time. That anxiety carried over to just sex in general. Its like the pathways were already set in my brain, all of a sudden sex/anxiety fired away at the same time. 

I went through a lot of self help, and when I felt like I was ready to be sexual again, I took it REALLY slowly. First guy, was someone I had known for some years, who I had spent a lot of time just talking to, long before he ever let me know he wanted to be with me. We only ever made out a handful of times, and the first time, after a few seconds of kissing, I had to run away and gag in the bathroom for a while, because my anxiety started getting out of control. I had told him of all this, because I knew it would happen, and I didn't want him to feel like it was him. He was understanding and patient, but in the end things didn't work out for us. That was 2 years ago, and we are still friends. I am thankful for him because I never had anxiety about sex after him. 

I will respond more, later, because there are a couple other things I want to address, but I have to get going now. 

Thank you again for your response everyone.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

So...not going to lie, when I read the title, not at all the question I was expecting. 

As for telling a LT boyfriend, you would keep this very quiet, and probably tell only him. 

For example, my family has a muddied past, with confused genetics. Do I tell people that I know at work about this when I am ranting about stuff? No. Because that is extremely personal. 
So think through this. Because if ten people know your secret, it won't stay a secret for very long. Because they may want to 'save' your next LT boyfriend from making, what could be viewed in their eyes, as a giant mistake. 

But I would definitely let a guy know before you two serious. Because if you tell him afterwards, well, I can tell you I doubt I would take that very well.

As for telling one:
Might I suggest having a clean (assuming you can take one and be 100% clean) STD test to show your SO when you tell them. That way they can feel more secure if they decide to pursue a relationship with you.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Hmmm...this is a tough one. I agree with the thought that the more open you are as you are dating, the more word will get around and I'm assuming that you don't want, for example, your neighborhood, people at work, etc knowing about this. And with the internet, it's very easy to post things about people which then become forever linked to their names.

I think you should try again with therapy because clearly there are issues in your head and with your sexuality connected to this. It might also help to connect to others who have this in their pasts (it's far more common then most people think).

This is very complex and even if you can get past the initial discussion with a partner and he is understanding about it, there is potential for this to damage the relationship many years later. Keep in mind that it's much easier to get past this kind of thing when times are good - when he's secure in himself and the relationship is strong. He will know from the beginning that part of being with you requires understanding through the courtship phase. But what's OK in the 'honeymoon' phase will not necessarily be OK over the long term as the relationship gets challenged.

Will this rear its ugly head if you go through a natural decrease in sexual desire as you age? Will he resent you more and feel more 'entitled' to your body? Will this become a factor if he starts to feel jealous of another guy? All of these 'normal' parts of a LT relationship could take on different meanings for him. Unfortunately, I don't think there is a way that you can tell how really OK he is with it. You don't want to go through life with him keeping this as a weapon to be used against you when things get rough.

I don't think that there is one right answer as to the best time to tell someone something like this. You need to do it when there is just the right combination of trust and commitment.

You shared a bit about how you feel about this experience but I'm sure it is very complicated and I think you need to be prepared to discuss it in detail with him. If you just disclose it and say that you 'closed the chapter' in your life and don't want to ever discuss it, you are not allowing him to reach the same closure with it. Will you be able to answer questions that might haunt him like did you orgasm with any customers? what acts did you do? how many guys? what did you charge? what about the 'weird' guys? did you ever catch anything? etc. 

Although you might have complicated feelings about the whole experience, he may try to simplify it and he might get frustrated if he hears apparently contradictory messages about your feelings toward it. For example, he might rightly or wrongly want to believe that you see it all as a 'mistake' that you are ashamed of. I don't know how you feel about it but assuming that parts of it you enjoyed and parts you didn't (probably a mix of good, bad and ugly in there), he can easily be confused so I would be prepared for a series of discussions about it. You've had your time to reflect on it and he needs his time too.

good luck.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

My wife/STBX ensured that I was already emotionally drawn to her before she dropped the bomb. Instead of shying away from her however, I hated the fact she hid it from me because I wasn't one to judge a woman for that. But men like me are not so common, unless you want to look for ex-crims.

Most men were intimidated by her, and I'm sure you're encountering the same problem. I suggest you persist however, and be selective. Focus on yourself and what you can bring onto the table regardless of your past. When your present is amazing enough, the past is meaningless, that's how my wife caught me.

Even though our marriage is heading towards divorce, our first few years were memorable and still magical. We had good times, and I'm sure you can do better than her. Just learn my wife's cunning, but none of her manipulativeness.


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## Ryan_sa (May 8, 2012)

I don't think there is ever a "right time" to tell someone. 

But..... 

I don't know if this will all make sense, I hope it does.

As your getting to know each other you'll learn more about him, the way he thinks, reacts, his morals etc etc. so by the time you've spent a fair bit of time together, you'll have a pretty good idea of how he'll react. 

I would wait a while, just be yourself, and once you first start developing feelings for each other tell him you have a past that your not proud of, but don't want to hide from him.

I think the most important thing is not to pretend to be someone your not. if your scared of sex, say so early on, you don't have to say why. 
If you want to swing from the chandeliers in a monkey costume, go for it!
The worst thing you could do is hide your true personality.

It sounds to me like your scared of showing who you truly are, and the escorting is just a small part of you, it does not have to define you.
Take your time, find a good circle of friends who wont judge you, and keep your eyes open, someday an amazing guy is going to walk into your life.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> As your getting to know each other you'll learn more about him, the way he thinks, reacts, his morals etc etc. so by the time you've spent a fair bit of time together, you'll have a pretty good idea of how he'll react.


I'll have to agree with Ryan there, follow your instincts girl

From my limited scientific personal evaluation of my own personal gut feelings - I learnt that gut feelings are born from information that your subconscious picks up that your conscious is too clueless/distracted to acknowledge.

But regardless, it has not only saved my life a few times, but kept me a few steps ahead of whatever was to come.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Illbehisfool....I think you really just need to be on the lookout for the "right" type of guy for you, a guy who has similar experiences but who is a good person. If you find this type of guy and things are going well, the time to tell him will be obvious, and the way you tell him won't matter so much because if a couple is right for each other, it just won't matter.

My H and I both had some colorful things in our past and we told each other pretty much upfront. Like within the first couple of months of dating and moving into exclusivity. It worked out great and we both accepted each other completely.

With the wrong person, it wouldn't have turned out like that.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I like your post Faithful Wife, but...

Hoping to find the right person is nice, reality speaks otherwise. I suggest OP focuses on BEING the right person as that is how my wife managed to seduce me enough to marry her and have her bear my child... and quite frankly even if we are to divorce, and that I will uphold my stature in the midst of all of it -> my wife will always have a place in my heart for what we've been through together.

I still respect her as a person, and honor who she was, even if I despise who she has become. Regardless of my acceptance of her as she was an ex-escort herself just like OP, my wife/STBX had no illusions in regards in finding the right person when it comes to BEING the right person at those times. She was smart, and I suggest OP does the same - but better.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Even if SHE is the right person, she has to find the right partner, too. By this I mean, someone who is open minded, possibly also has a colorful past, who is not judgmental, who understands there is more to sexuality than just "man, woman, marriage bed".


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Then she'll have to find someone like me, while the majority aren't like that and I doubt her current bf is like that =/


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well I found someone like you, so it isn't so far out of reach, is it?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You got lucky 

Besides, we men with "colorful pasts" may need to be tamed at times. OP needs to remember that, hence focus on herself first and foremost to ensure the strength needed to handle folks like us.

Sorry, this is just a big case of Deja Vu with me


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

RandomDude...I'm not sure why you are disagreeing with me. There are people of all types, and we tend to gravitate toward people who we have the highest chance of being compatible with. Like attracts like. (Not saying it always works out, just that we will gravitate toward each other).

I have a colorful past but have no delusions that I am such a huge minority that my husband "got lucky" to find someone whose past is similar to his...or vice versa.

I'm not saying you and your wife aren't special, we all are. I'm just saying there are ALL KINDS and if you look for it, there is no "type" that is so few and far between that you need to be "lucky" to find them.

Maybe it has been so long since you've dated that you aren't aware just how colorful and abundant people like us are?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh or maybe because the women throwing themselves feet first at me at the moment since I'm seperated are hopelessly incompatible lol :rofl:

I tend to like women who understands the hardships of life, who have felt the judgements of others while doing what they had to do or what they felt was right. So in irony a woman well brought up who has no past either than a simple typical middle class life would not interest me one bit... I dunno, guess you're right in a sense

Still, it's just not what I've seen, my first gf sure had a past, and we related, but damn she was too nuts for a stable relationship. My wife by comparison when we first met was well balanced - she had the past, but the potential to be a long term companion.

Hence I say OP has to focus on herself IMO.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok sure...she should just assume there are VERY FEW MEN out there who will understand her and love her the way she is. She is such a special snowflake that it will be very, very hard to find a man.

(Note to OP, this is absolutely NOT TRUE, I'm just bantering with RandomDude because he seems to think your special problem is super extra special).


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm a realist, what can I say


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well, you aren't describing MY reality, so...maybe yours lacks abundance, but not mine. The world is full of sexual people, and I am one of them.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The reality of my ancestors conquering the world is one thing, my reality and the majority is another 

That's all I'm saying, we can't always get what we want. My wife ensured she was the best she could possibly be despite(or even because of) her past, and although perhaps she chose wrong or whatever - but she did good and I will always respect her for that.

She's encountered this situation in the past, men were quite frankly intimidated, hell even have a look at the threads posted here by men judging women by the number of sex partners they had. This is the reality she must face. Hoping for the right person to come along may prove results, but I encourage OP to prepare for whatever comes, and considering she already has a bf who she seems reluctant to share her story with... I doubt he's one of those men like me or your spouse Faithful Wife.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Pffft....I am not ashamed of my sexual past, have nothing to "work on" for "focus on myself" in that regard (other than enjoying the happy memories), and have no issues finding men who are of a similar mind set. Do you live in a remote area or something? Get out more.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

I think the first date would have been appropriate. I would never date someone knowing they had sex for pay.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No, we live in Sydney, I was raised elsewhere in a smaller town, she was raised in the big city. Men can accept women with past partners sure, but not always those who were escorts in the past. This is just how it is, it's quite lame but just how it is


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

OK tell the OP she will never be accepted...whatever.

However, OP, I'm telling you that you just need to find the right guy and there are plenty of them.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm not saying she'll never be accepted, I'm just saying she must attend to whatever comes, and the best way is to focus on herself; and right now she has a rather "normal" bf, are you suggest she ditch him to go back to waiting?

What if he opens his heart - regardless of his own inexperience with women like her? See? I wasn't exactly the "only choice" for my wife back in the day either, she had options despite her past, she had problems but dealt with it by being the best she could be and those who judged her only missed out.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Where does she say she currently has a "normal" boyfriend?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's a conclusion I've drawn from her posts so far, OP may correct me if I am mistaken


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Just hopped on the computer during my break. I do not have a boyfriend right now, but have been talking to a guy recently, a friend of a friend. He seems to have a bit of a past himself, he said something about going to jail a couple times when he was younger. I didn't ask for specifics, just asked said something about how as long as it wasn't domestic violence, I am fine with it, he assured me it wasn't anything like that. My guess is it has to do with some drunken antics LOL.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Look for a murderer. They have low recidivism rates and you know he's not going ot be intimidated by anyone.

But only a one time murderer. 

Hmm. Cop? As long as you weren't a street walker...

I guess you could look at your client base. What kind of men were your customers? Find a divorced one of them. A) they already want to sleep with escorts and b) they know how to keep secrets.

I am, btw, teasing. The thread could use a little levity.

Personally, I think Random Dude is being a bit negative. This is pretty big, but it's not huge.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> Just hopped on the computer during my break. I do not have a boyfriend right now, but have been talking to a guy recently, a friend of a friend. He seems to have a bit of a past himself, he said something about going to jail a couple times when he was younger. I didn't ask for specifics, just asked said something about how as long as it wasn't domestic violence, I am fine with it, he assured me it wasn't anything like that. My guess is it has to do with some drunken antics LOL.


Heh or probably shoplifting, or maybe breaking and entering, minor crimes. 
Let us know how it goes



> Look for a murderer. They have low recidivism rates and you know he's not going ot be intimidated by anyone.
> 
> But only a one time murderer.


Or an ex-hitman! Besides they tend to be good husbands/fathers, look at: 

Richard Kuklinski - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm kidding of course


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Randomdude is right. It IS going to take one hell of a special kind of man that will be ok with everything that makes up who I am, and still be someone that I am into, LOL. No, NOT because I am saying I am so special and my situation is so unique, but having been an escort isn't the only thing that I have going against me. Some are choices I have made, others are things completely out of my control. Each one alone isn't a HUGE deal, all together no doubt makes me seem like a total disaster. 

Its all good though, because I just try to keep in mind things like the fact that ALL my neighbors like me and care for me. Even though they don't know anything sordid about me, I take great comfort in the fact that the people who live closest to me, who see me on a near daily basis care a lot for me and see me for the good person that I am. 

LOL I love your list JCD lmao! Yeah, I have always attracted/gone for the bad boys, no doubt a BIG part of my problem. LOL. Randomdude very protective no doubt! LOL LOL. 

I know you were joking, but I just want to say NO, I was not a street walker. I would answer mens ads on the internet. I live in an area where there isn't a strip or anything like that, so men have to advertise when they are in need of such a thing. And honestly, I do kind of kick myself for dropping my favorite client. Something about him made me feel super comfortable around him. I always kind of thought I could have had a real relationship with him, if things ever work out that way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The thing is too I'm also going through a different yet similar kind of situation myself since seperated and heading for divorce. Just as I had accepted my wife, my wife accepted me and my past. It was 6 years of crime and some things have rubbed off on me, still - when I look at the future and other prospects...

I think about finding someone like my wife again, someone who has also lost their "innocence" so to speak, who wouldn't judge me, and who would accept my past as well as look past it and see me as the man I am in the present. But truth be told -> I don't really see why I should reveal much at all, if any. Do they really deserve to know that this is what they are getting themselves involved in? They say ignorance is bliss for a reason.

Besides my childhood from 12 to 18 isn't something to talk about, it's depressing and it just makes me look bad. It wasn't me though, I did what I had to do, nothing more. People like Richard Kuklinski - even if he was one crazy mofo who killed hundreds of people (no no, I wasn't a hitman lol), I can relate to folk like him who had to hide sh-t from their lovers and families. 

I also don't see myself telling my daughter in the future anytime unless of course she starts hanging out with the wrong crowd in her teens then I'll let her know how it is, and that her dad isn't some clueless protective bloke who doesn't know what he is talking about.

In that sense, just curious, have you considered if you will be able to keep this a secret for the rest of your life? Sure the consequences of being found out would be dire, but your prospects would expand quite a lot by dropping the standards of finding someone who can accept your past.

Of course, there is good and bad in every decision, you have to weigh it up yourself.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

As for my negativity too, just something I would like to say about that: Sure, there will be people out there who are accepting, but the question is how accepting?

People will be morally obliged to forgive, they will say to your face that they forgive you, that they can't judge you, that "it's in the past"... yet in their quiet moments, when they think, they start to question themselves. They start to doubt, they start to fear.

They accept you sure, but does it bother them? Yes it does. It eats at them, men may wonder, "how many men exactly has she slept with", "how can I possibly compare", "I'm so jealous of the men who had the pleasure of my wife"... even myself - these thoughts entered my mind regardless of the acceptance I had of my wife and inability to judge her due to my own past.

There will always be consequences for the truth, for women they may not only fear me due to my past knowing what I'm capable of when pushed, but this fear may lead to other problems; they may stay with me out of fear of what I may do if they leave. Things like that, sure they accepted me, but the reality is they may have been better off not knowing.

My wife was an angel when it came to acceptance, she credited it to her faith in Christ, that we are all sinners no matter how brutal or sick our individual sins were. But she was one in a million, yet had the potential to be a good wife and mother unlike other women I've had such as my first girlfriend (and turned me on). I found my criteria is too strict, hence if I really want to enter the dating scene again, I've personally decided to keep it under wraps.

Then again, I'm not exactly looking for another potential future ex-wife again, not at the moment anyway... just a thought


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Thank you for more of your replies. I have been real busy and stressed out the last half a week, but have been thinking about this a lot. 

At the moment at least, it might be a moot point anyway lol.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Can I ask what kind of escort? Street walker? Call girl? How did you find clients and did you ever feel like your life was in danger? I guess I'm trying to figure out the seediness of it. Is it legal where you live?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Its not legal here. I was not a street hooker, I would answer ads that men would put up on craigslist. I never had a pimp or anything like that. This was shortly before craiglist did the big crack down and got rid of their "erotic" section. It was a total selling/buying sex free for all LOL!

The men I was with were all very kind and respectful! Not once was I ever in any danger. However, each time I would set up a meeting, even if I had already been with him, I would have MAJOR anxiety for some days leading up to the meeting. I knew that any of them could get the upper and hand hurt me if they wanted. I knew that I could get busted at any time too. None of that ever happened and ultimately I stopped because I knew that each time I walked away safely, my chances of doing so next time were much less than the time before.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm not sure because I'm not a man but I would guess that it would be better than telling him you were a street walker. 
Doesn't seem like it would be as mentally damaging either but I don't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Duke (May 15, 2011)

Assuming you've been tested and are clean, I'm not sure you need to tell a guy right away. Would not be a deal breaker at all for me, I bet you have some great stories! Tell him over drinks, after you've ascertained he can handle knowing.


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