# Wife cheated on me with boss...



## edawgsd

Well let me start out by saying I have been with my wife for about 19 yrs (married for 11). We have 3 beautiful kids ages 16, 10 & 6. Our youngest kid has mild autism, the oldest is now more independent and the 10 yr old is a girly girl. So let me start out by saying I never imagined my wife to be they type that would cheat. Anyways a few years back (like 8 yrs ago if not more) my sister accused my wife of flirting with her husband. This caused me and my sister to have issues. My sister and my wife have had problems ever since and cased me to have problems with my sister because I would defend my wife. About 1.5 yrs ago I got into a big fight with my sister cause she was calling my wife a **** and accused my wife of messing around with her husband. Anyways I stopped talking to my sister after this big fight and then 2 months later I went through my wife's phone and discovered she was sexting my brother in law! They were flirting through text and she was sending pictures of her in bra and underwear. I was shocked, confronted my wife and she said it was just something that had just happened all of a sudden. That she liked the attention and that it was just that nothing more. She denies ever having done anything with him. In the texts they talk about meeting but it never happened cause of his work but the texts continued. I read about 2 weeks worth of texts and again she says it was just that texts... 

Well I stayed with her and "forgave" her but saved the texts and pics and I still see em from time to time and it still bothers me. Because of this I started tracking her and checking her phone. Now 3 weeks ago and 1.5 yrs after the incident with my brother in law (whom I never confronted but he knows I know) whom I don't talk to anymore either besides my sister I went through her phone again and found out she has been seeing her boss at work for the last 2 months! She says it was just an emotional affair not sexual and all they did is kiss in his car after work and they only kissed and nothing more. The texts I read however shows they had fallen pretty deep for each other. They talk about how unbearable the pain is when they don't see each other and she says to him she needs him and wish she could put her head on his chest. They talk about being together that morning and that she feels different after. That she has fallen deep for him then she tells him she loves him! He telle sher he loves her too and this is what crushes me she says "I wish we were looking into each others eyes and saying it to each other while making love". 


I again confronted her and took pics of the texts. She couldn't deny it since I had her phone and read her everything they texted each other. She says she doesn't love him like that that he is a great person and she cares for him but that she isn't in love with him. Problem here now is I love my life, love my family and sadly still love her. Its been 3 weeks now and I can't stand that she still works with him and has no intention of quitting (she cant quit its a really good job that pays her about 7-8k/mo). She says it has stopped but it kills me she is with him all day. She works in a corporate world and they are very busy at work. Since it happened she doesn't go to any more happy hours etc cause I wont let her. How do I know she isn't going with him instead? I can tell she isn't happy of not being able to go out. We talked and she understands she messed up and we are trying to work it out but my emotions are mixed. I love my kids so much I don't want to not be with them everyday. I have bad days and remember all the details and still feel hurt. Another problem I feel like when we have sex that she does it cause she has too. She never has been very sexual but again she did tell the guy she wanted to make love to him. Again she says it was just emotional not sexual with him...

The reason she thinks she says she did it is because it excites her to feel being courted. She says I don't do that no more. She says I work too much (which I do but with 3 kids I have no choice) and have neglected her over the last few yrs. She also says the autism that my young boy has left her feeling alone and I wasn't there. This is where I feel like she is trying to make me feel like the bad guy...

I am very confused. Please help.


----------



## Marc878

As long as they have contact the affair will continue. Cheaters lie, hide and deny. She'll just get better at hiding this and take it deep underground. Send the info to his wife.

I doubt this is her second rodeo but you seem the type to hope it'll get better. It won't.

Serial cheaters never stop.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

No hope at all. Unless you're willing to provide consequences. But you don't really seem the type.


----------



## MarriedDude

She had sex with your brother in law. Yes, it happened. She had sex with her boss. Yes, that happened too. Its still happening. Face the reality that your are in. Once you accept reality you will be ready to make changes. 

Why do you want to keep her?


----------



## sokillme

Marc878 said:


> As long as they have contact the affair will continue. Cheaters lie, hide and deny. She'll just get better at hiding this and take it deep underground. Send the info to his wife.
> 
> I doubt this is her second rodeo but you seem the type to hope it'll get better. It won't.
> 
> Serial cheaters never stop.


I agree. Sorry OP but if you read other posts like yours the guys who do better and get better sooner are the ones who take control of their lives and file quickly. Your wife has serious emotional problems probably some sort of personality disorder. This take years of hard work to fix and she has to want to, kind of like an alcoholic who is sober. Filing will at the very least act like an intervention. However if you stay your life will continue to be in limbo. There is a great possibility of having hope and happiness again but I doubt you will have it long term with this woman. Grieve but don't allow yourself to be victimized, don't let your kids see their father a good man like that. 

Sorry


----------



## Lostme

It appears that your sister was right all along about your wife, and you let your relationship with your family go because of your wife lying and cheating.

I'm sure you do love your family deeply, but she does not if she did she sure wouldn't be doing the things she is. Just because she is not going to happy hour does not mean she is not messing with this guy still.

Do you track her phone or anything like that? also have you been to marriage counseling?

She is gas lighting you by trying to blame you for her affairs, it is not your fault none of it is this is all her.


----------



## Herschel

What a piece of ****. Gtfo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt

Apologise to your sister?


----------



## Married27years

She is lying. If it was just an emotional affair there would be no contact. It's a physical affair. Odds are she has been with more men and her and her boss did more than kiss. She can quit her job and she must quit her if job if you want to save your marriage. There is more to life than money. She can find another job if you really need her to work or she can just be a Mommy. She is just putting the blame on you, making you feel guilty and worse than you already do. Too bad if she isn't happy going out. She is a wife and Mom and should be at home. Start courting her and being there for her more so that excuse is gone. Odds are she will come up with other one. 

No matter what happens stay in the house and be there for your children. If she wants to live the single like and the excitement of courting then she needs to leave.


----------



## Clair

Together for 19 years with three kids and she wants to feel courted! Preposterous! Sorry, but she is playing you for a fool, and will continue to do so if you allow her. Expose to OM wife right away (don't tell her first). There's also no hope if she continues contact with OM, so it's her job or her family.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

Your only hope at this point is to create clear and swift consequences. Marriage counseling, quitting her job, and showing remorse - not regret. Otherwise divorce papers. You can always halt the divorce but you should realize you are only a baby sitter and shared income at this point. Sorry 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt

Clair said:


> Together for 19 years with three kids and she wants to feel courted! Preposterous! Sorry, but she is playing you for a fool, and will continue to do so if you allow her. Expose to OM wife right away (don't tell her first). There's also no hope if she continues contact with OM, so it's her job or her family.


She has been "caughted" right enough.

Oh, dear. What a mess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sokillme

Also DNA test your kids.


----------



## straightshooter

Well, here we go again. OP, you are in denial and it is going to bring you much pain. Lets leave the family situation out of this, but here is where you are if I understand it correctly
(1) your wife is having sex with her boss and every day she spends 8-10 hours with him. now, after cheating with him and lying to you about happy hours etc, do you really believe what she is telling you????? So you are just taking her word that they are not doing it any more.
(2) instead of crawling on the floor begging you to give her another chance, she is pissed off at you for stopping her from going out to socialize with him and other co workers where it would be easy for her to sneak off with him. Does that sound in any way remorseful to you????
(3) you can read every book published on infidelity and one of the first things you will read is NO CONTACT . So for financial reasons you have made the decision to let her stay oin that job, not that she would leave anyway. 
(4) she still classifieds the man who has put her future with her family on the brink of destruction as the "nice" guy. Does that not strike you as a little odd my friend that she still wants to be his "friend" after banging him for months.?????
(50 your wife has absolutely no incentive to do anything different because you have made it clear that getting out of infidelity is NOT AS IMPORTANT to you as staying married to her. Until that is changed, and she actually believes that there are no more second chances, her affair will continue. And you can bet your 401K that when those kind of words are exchanged she is emotionally connected to him and still is. My guess is after she gets pissed off enough about you bering in the way of her hooking up any more that she will ask for a trial separation and blame you for being "controlling" or she will tell you she loves you both after you catch her again. And remember, she confessed nothing. You caught her through snooping. Which you better start doing big time and quite invasively or you are going to get crapped on again.

Now I doubt until you get a little pissed off and angry that you will listen, but here is what you should be doing
(1) if this guy is married, you tell his wife what is going on and you do not tell your wife a thing about it beforehand. My guess is she will be ballistic when she finds out because he if he is married will be more interested in saving his ass than chasing your wife which will deprive her of the ability to keep having sex with him. 
(2) you see an attorney, and since she refuses to quit the job, I would tell her you are seeing an attorney. You do that to let her know she is on thin thin ice because right now you are eating the **** sandwich and nothing in her life has changed except she is missing happy hour.
(3) you install a VAR in her car. My bet is within a week you will find that they are communicating regularly outside of work. Plus if she is like many women, who discuss this kind of **** more often than men with their girlfriends , you will also find out who know, who is encouraging her, who is covering for her, and you will be operating from a position of knowledge no being clueless like you are now. YOU DO NOT FREVEAL HOW YOU KNOW ANYTHING REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU HEAR . This VAR will cost you less than $100.
(4) you put a GPS tracker on her car. She should be volunteering to be accountable but it is obvious she is not if she is pissed because she does not get to be with OM after work.
(5) you tell her you want to see her pay stubs to see if she is taking any vacation time or personal leave when there is not a reason or you know she was not at doctor.
(6) yuou get copies of all your phone bills and look for a number that appears a lot. That is his number outside work and my bet is she is still talking to him outside work.
(7) n case he is an experienced cheater , you search her car and everywhere in the house for a "burner" phone. That includes her lingerie drawer and anywhere else you ordinarily would not look.
(8) and lastly, you tell her she is taking a polygraph test at some point in the future unannounced and she better pass. Her reaction will tell you a lot, and my guess is she will refuse outright,. Guess why??? Because she cannot pass.

Now, you can ignore all of what I have written to you, play the pick me game and see what happens. We know what is going to happen and while this may seem harsh, your best interests are what we are trying to look out for. Your wife has cheated on you more than once now, so if you want to share her just do nothing.

You are swimming upstream big time as long as they still work together. You chances of stopping this affair are bgreatly diminished even if you do everything you need to.

If you want to have any chance to save your marriage, you must be willing to lose it. Right now, you are being manipulated, l;iced to, and made a fool of, which you can reverse but not by putting your head in the sand and hoping for the best.

Those that act decisively have much better outcomes. That does not mean you will surely divorce. But until SHE believes that is a real possibility, you are her safe zone while she enjoys her boyfriend.

I hope for your sake you buckle your chin strap and play some hardball.


----------



## Clair

She will never respect you if you show weakness, so this is the time for affirmative action. Blow the affair up, first by exposing. Give her one chance to go no contact with OM, and attend IC and MC. If she refuses, file.


----------



## sokillme

Clair said:


> She will never respect you if you show weakness, so this is the time for affirmative action. Blow the affair up, first by exposing. Give her one chance to go no contact with OM, and attend IC and MC. If she refuses, file.


Whats he get if she stays a 2 time cheater who cheated with his sisters husband. I say file, he can do SO much better. Life is to short to waste it on someone like her.


----------



## jsmart

MarriedDude said:


> *She had sex with your brother in law. Yes, it happened. She had sex with her boss. Yes, that happened too. *Its still happening. Face the reality that your are in. Once you accept reality you will be ready to make changes.
> 
> Why do you want to keep her?


This affair with the boss is still on. Work place affairs, the most common, are hard to investigate. Giving her boss a BJ or even a quickie in his office is so easy to hide. Also the affair with the brother in law was definitely sexual. You're clueless, so didn't pick on it but your sister knew in her gut something was up. Woman are much better at picking up on this than men are. 

You've proven yourself to be a weak man to your wife. Her boss is a powerful man that goes for what he wants while you are a doormat that falls for her lies. Women can't stomach a weak man. 

I bet the sex for you has dried up to occasional duty sex. Is that love? While you get scraps, her boss gets her best, probably DAILY. 

This woman has is a serial adulteress that is no worth another year of your life.


----------



## Clair

Well yes, sokillme, many would agree, but there are three kids involved here and I guess OP wants to make sure he has done what he can. Some people do know from the outset that they could never get over betrayal, but for others R is possible, depending on how remorseful the WS, and how forgiving the BS. But OP MUST begin by demanding respect, and filing and implementing the 180 if she refuses to honor marital boundaries.


----------



## edawgsd

No one know about this except one friend of mine at work... I can't apologize to sister cause then they all would know. Her boss is from another state and came to our city for a promotion but is going back to his home state in about 6 months. His wife and child don't live here. they didn't like it and are back at their home state. he is here by himself. Also I know his name but I don't know where he lives, what he looks like and have no way of getting a hold of his wife. Ive thought about looking for him and beating him up to get him off her. When this happened 3 weeks ago I texted him from her phone and told him to f off... I also left him some nasty VMs... All I have on him is his work # and cell #. I have no way of getting a hold of his wife...

I do know she cheated on me with her boss....I don't believe she had sex with either but it could of led to that. She never was very sexual only when we were dating or trying to get pregnant. And yes Ive felt that sex is like a duty for her...


----------



## edawgsd

For some crazy reason I do love her still but I don't respect myself anymore. I feel like a ***** for not being able to confront this guy either (her boss).We have a house and 3 great kids... I do love them so much I am willing to suffer but only so much I can take.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Why are you keeping her secrets for her? She fired you as her husband ,BETRAYED you, and still is. Expose to everyone and apologize to your sister, then go to HR at her work and get the Other Man fired. It's her boss , they've got to have policies against that. I would also see a lawyer and file for divorce. She is a remorseless serial cheater and will keep doing this to you. Follow through with the divorce and date her again if she shows remorse and deserves you, otherwise go find someone who is deserving of your love.


----------



## straightshooter

You are still very very confused. lets again leave your relatives out of this for now.

You can find his wife if you know his name and you do. You know what state his wife is in and with his name for probably $29.95 there are web sites that will tell you everything but his jock size if you want to make the effort . If you did not know his name it would be different.

And now you have indicated that you have grabbed your wifes phone and sent him message warning him to stop banging your wife. Which I am sure the two of them got a good laugh over. How has that worked out???

You have not indicated you are going to pay any attention to all of the points of advice I gave you to find out what is going on, and it still is, so here is one thing you better listen to.

STAY THE HELL AWAY FORM THE OM AND DO NOT GO LOOKING FOR HIM. You problem is your wife. He just wants to get laid and she is happy to comply. He has a FWB for six months while you are stuck in park. You still do not apparently get that your wife is loving this, two men chasing her, but OM is getting all the hot sex.

If you confront him personally you may wind up with a police record or you might get your ass kicked. Now you have proof and you said they are in corporate America. You might tell your wife you are going to HR because you do not believe her. It's called bluffing like in poker. 

But the bottom line is until you want to help yourself there is no advice that can help you. Right now you are sharing your wife. So pull out your credit card, spend the $29 and find where his wife is and get in touch with her. And for heavens sake do not tell your wife you are doing it.

my guess is if you do this your wife will come storming homer and tell you she wants a divorce because she will be so pissed. 

That will also tell you something..

Do you rfeally want any answers or is being in limbo fun?????

Your call. And yes I am prodding you because you current course of action is going to result in destroying you emotionally for a long long time.

GET OUT OF YOUR FOG and take control of your life


----------



## TheTruthHurts

Hire a PI and expose to his W. It will blow it up skyhigh


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MarriedDude

The quantity and quality of the leverage you have on her boss is staggering. Just use it. Your wife will be 9 kinds of furious...but damn, will it ever feel good. 

Not to mention your wife will have a clear indixation of your resolve. 

Just expose the hell out of both of them


----------



## Sparta

OP start doing things to make you respect yourself. First thing would be divorce her. Exposed to everybody I mean everybody, start taking actions and you will start to respect yourself again. you might not respect yourself and either does your WW get her out. If you don't take the right steps to protect you and your kids from this careless Piece Of Sh!t that is an poor excuse for a wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jsmart

How could you love your wife after her betraying you with at least 2 men? You love the woman you thought you had but that is just an illusion. I would bet money there have been other men over the years. 

You're trying to protect her from her actions but if she doesn't face any consequences, how will she change? She should feel the shame of her parents, family friends knowing that she's an adulteress. Here she is playing Miss married mother, enjoying the status that comes with that position but meanwhile she's wh0ring around. 

Stop being afraid of her and stand up for yourself and your kids. You said your youngest is special needs. What kind of mother would put her fragile kids stability in jeopardy? Your kids need strong man to stand up for them. Right now your wife is in a selfish mode and does not have your kids best interest in mind. She's all about pleasing her man.

The guy is away from his family, which means he's not getting any from his wife. Guess who's meeting his needs? Personally I think you should divorce this serial adulteress but if you want to try salvage this, SHE MUST QUIT THAT JOB ASAP. As long as she see's this POS, she's basically still in the affair.


----------



## Clair

Please heed warnings given by straightshooter. There must be some way you can track down OM wife......there is no hope if you do not blow this thing up. You cannot 'nice' someone into respecting you, and its no wonder you have lost respect for yourself. There is no point in continuing this way as allowing her to betray and disrespect you further can only increase your resentment and decrease your self respect even more. That's no way to live. What is the point in staying in such a soul destroying sham of a marriage?


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

Apologize to your sister... the change you need will take courage and this is your first best step, alignment.

There are critical sections of your path to lay in place and you need a bridge, however small, and it needs to sustain the weight of the burden you need to carry across it. You have a repairable ally in your sister and believe it or not, she needs the same closure you need... you are allies in the best, and in the worst sense. 

As for her boss, that what they make corporate directories for... use it. I am sure that any stockholder would cringe to find out such a position is destroying a family, you have more leverage to shut this down than you think. 

This is not a revenge tactic, if you feel strong enough to give it more than a dying gasp then do it for all the right reasons, teaching your children the values they need because they are watching and they will learn the truth one day... if you love them as you say, then what truth do you want them to know?

Finally, your wife is embedded in an unmindful pattern. While she does not have the right to hurt you, we all do our best to deal with the weaknesses we have. In the end, one should offer compassion with steadfastness... 

"If you choose to continue in this damaging life you are putting us all through, when all is done I hope you heal from your pain. Your family will not be here for you in the way you expect, and I will not be here to help you, but in order to not hurt with you I choose to leave you to your own means to deal with this as you have left me. My forgiveness does not mean I will ever forget, it means we are both free and I will put all now into whatever effort is needed for myself and our children to protect them from your destruction."

PS. Since she makes 7-8k per month, lawyer-up to the nine's... you can afford it.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

Btw if you really don't think you can track this guy down, and don't want to hire a PI (which you should), PM me and I can probably track him down. With the company name and his name it shouldn't be that hard. Worst case scenario, I would use social engineering - call the company and ask. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Malaise

edawgsd said:


> No one know about this except one friend of mine at work... I can't apologize to sister cause then they all would know. Her boss is from another state and came to our city for a promotion but is going back to his home state in about 6 months. His wife and child don't live here. they didn't like it and are back at their home state. he is here by himself. Also I know his name but I don't know where he lives, what he looks like and have no way of getting a hold of his wife. Ive thought about looking for him and beating him up to get him off her. When this happened 3 weeks ago I texted him from her phone and told him to f off... I also left him some nasty VMs... All I have on him is his work # and cell #. I have no way of getting a hold of his wife...
> 
> I do know she cheated on me with her boss....I don't believe she had sex with either but it could of led to that. She never was very sexual only when we were dating or trying to get pregnant.* And yes Ive felt that sex is like a duty for her...[/*QUOTE]
> 
> It's a duty only with you. It's a pleasure with the others.
> 
> And yes, she has had sex with her boss at his place in your city, where his wife is not.


----------



## Malaise

edawgsd said:


> For some crazy reason I do love her still but I don't respect myself anymore. I feel like a ***** for not being able to confront this guy either (her boss).We have a house and 3 great kids... I do love them so much *I am willing to suffer *but only so much I can take.


That's good, because you'll be doing a lot of it.


----------



## Clair

Emerging Buddhist,
I would be careful about showing forgiveness from a place of pain. Most need to heal from that before the idea of forgiveness is even contemplated, and that is a process involving anger, resentment and finally disgust which leads to final detachment. Healing is helped by genuine remorsefulness of the WS, showing self- disgust for the pain they have caused and the desire to change.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

Btw the whole point is for everyone to know. YOU shouldn't be ashamed - she should. But you should make amends W sis first


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jsmart

Malaise said:


> edawgsd said:
> 
> 
> 
> I do know she cheated on me with her boss....*I don't believe she had sex with either but it could of led to that. She never was very sexual *only when we were dating or trying to get pregnant.* And yes Ive felt that sex is like a duty for her...[/*QUOTE]
> 
> *It's a duty only with you*. It's a pleasure with the others.
> 
> And yes, *she has had sex with her boss at his place in your city, where his wife is not.*
> 
> 
> 
> I've lost count of the number of BHs that post here that they didn't think their wife wasn't having sex because they think she's not sexual. When it turns out that she's having total access sex. The number of BHs that find their wife is not just having sex but is performing wanton act that the husband was always turned down on it really hurts them.
> 
> I mean how many times have we read BHs lamenting that their wife was giving BJTC and having anal sex with her OM but he was told he's disgusting for asking if she would do that.
> 
> What I don't get is how OP thinks his wife is not sexual but here she is sexting her sister in law's husband. Any woman willing to send racy pictures of herself through the internet is VERY sexual.
Click to expand...


----------



## Malaise

TheTruthHurts said:


> Btw the whole point is for everyone to know. YOU shouldn't be ashamed - she should. But you should make amends W sis first
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yep, apologize to sis and if that means outing your wife, tough. It's a consequence that she has to have for her behavior.


----------



## Clair

Polygraph!!!


----------



## sokillme

jsmart said:


> Malaise said:
> 
> 
> 
> I've lost count of the number of BHs that post here that they didn't think their wife wasn't having sex because they think she's not sexual. When it turns out that she's having total access sex. The number of BHs that find their wife is not just having sex but is performing wanton act that the husband was always turned down on it really hurts them.
> 
> I mean how many times have we read BHs lamenting that their wife was giving BJTC and having anal sex with her OM but he was told he's disgusting for asking if she would do that.
> 
> What I don't get is how OP thinks his wife is not sexual but here she is sexting her sister in law's husband. Any woman willing to send racy pictures of herself through the internet is VERY sexual.
> 
> 
> 
> I am convinced that these types of woman recognize that these guys are not going to rock their boat and they are a good stable pay check. They are like leaches that latch onto these guys. They can sniff them out. Most guys wouldn't even have relationships with these woman the only see them as girls to have fun with. But these nice guys don't have the experience or confidence to stand up for themselves. It's a codependent spiral. They are the male version of the woman who goes from abusive loser to abusive loser. It's just sad.
Click to expand...


----------



## manfromlamancha

OK, OP you have been getting some good advice here, but like most are saying … you don't get it and you don't seem like the type to deal with this properly, so I am going to lay my thoughts out here and hope that some of this sticks (as hard as it might seem to you):


First get this (if you take nothing else from this post at all) - *YOUR WIFE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU AND DOES NOT LOVE YOU*. Let this sink in for a bit. Say it to yourself several times and maybe you will wake up to this reality. Think about it - nothing she has done suggests that she is in love with you. OK - normally if you really now got this, I shouldn't need to say anymore. But here we go, anyway.


Here is another home truth - *YOUR WIFE REGULARLY FVCKS OTHER MEN.* She has sex and knows how to use this to get her ego fed. She almost certainly enjoys fvcking - just not with you. Again, let this sink in and again, if you get this, I shouldn't need to say anymore. However, my fear is you will say no this is not possible - she isn't very sexual. And yet deep down you know this is bullish!t. She is very sexual and knows how to use sex to get other men - just like she did with you at the start.


Carrying on then - *THE FAULT IS WITH YOUR WIFE NOT THE OTHER MEN - THEY SIMPLY ACCEPT WHAT SHE PUTS ON OFFER.* Stop focussing on the other men - if it wasn't one particular guy, it would be another. Stop beating yourself up about not confronting the other men although you should or at the very least talk with their wives etc. You should tell the boss' wife without warning anyone you are going to do it. Do whatever it takes to find her and contact her. Incidentally, if your sister was saying what she believed, what did she do to her husband (your brother in law) about this ? After all it takes 2 to tango. Or does she, like you, believe that it was only flirting?!?!?!?!?


Another one - *YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER AFFAIRS - SHE IS DOING THE NORMAL BLAMESHIFTING, GASLIGHTING, REWRITING MARITAL HISTORY TO BE ABLE TO CONTINUE TO FEED HER ADDICTION.* You need to accept that while you may be responsible for 50% of marital problems, she is 100% responsible for the affair.


Also you need to see her for what she is - *SHE IS A CHEATING, LYING, DISRESPECTFUL AMORAL PERSON AND NOT THE LOVING WIFE YOU SEEM TO PICTURE IN YOUR HEAD*. As such, why on earth would you want to stay with her? You need to see that your are not in love with her! You are in love with a picture you have of her in your head. She is not that person or the person you think you married.


Now … hoping you finally see what the reality of your situation is (and also that this is nothing new to this forum) - you need to take the advice you are being given.


Go into stealth mode first, and gather as much evidence as possible and secure it somewhere. You have already tipped your hand and not followed through so be aware that she will be on high alert. Also dig deeper into your past as you will find more. Continue to monitor her. Use VARs as they will reveal a lot of what she says when you are not there and this in turn, should tell you a lot.


Get an attorney and protect yourself in terms of child custody, finance and other assets.


Get yourself checked for STDs.


DNA your kids (this has been going on longer than you think).


Once you have your evidence secured, expose - start with informing other wives etc. File for divorce and start the process of having her served. Then confront her!


With NO PROMISE OF RECONCILIATION, ask her to come clean and be completely transparent. Give her a list of demands that she has to comply with for you to even consider reconciliation. NC with other men, transparency on all forms of communications and her whereabouts at all times, her needing to cope with your mood swings, her coming clean to all her family including your kids (in an age appropriate manner) etc. 


Any lack of true remorse from her and you drop her like steaming sh!t.


Before you get her boss fired at work, first consult your attorney to figure out what alimony and child support payments might look like - either to her or from her - if she too were fired as a result.



I really hope you wake up because right now you are in a weak position and will be to blame if she gets away with this.


----------



## ABHale

the only way to stop this is to expose it.

Talk to your sister. She deserves the truth of what happened. Would you have wanted everything to have been kept from you?

Find out where her bosses family is and expose the POS. You can find them if you try. Hell send me his name, age, phone number and home state and I will find them for you.

I believe your wife has had a physical affair. Just because it is a duty to be with you doesn't mean it is for other men.


----------



## Malaise

Malaise said:


> Yep, apologize to sis and if that means outing your wife, tough. It's a consequence that she has to have for her behavior.


Also, your sis thought your W was coming on to her H. She doesn't know he was a willing participant. She should be informed that her H is a guilty as your W.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

Oh no! Everyone will know. Well, you better keep it quiet then. Keep her secrets for her.


----------



## sokillme

edawgsd said:


> For some crazy reason I do love her still but I don't respect myself anymore. I feel like a ***** for not being able to confront this guy either (her boss).We have a house and 3 great kids... I do love them so much I am willing to suffer but only so much I can take.


OK this would make sense if she was actually repentant but she is not. Let me ask you what example will you set for your kids. What will they learn about relationships? Will they follow your pattern into their marriages? Remember this is what you are modeling for them, Mom sleeps with other men and Dad stays home and suffers. Will your kids marry someone like your wife, will they become like your wife. There is more to this then just you.


----------



## Clair

There is a big disconnect between who you think your WS is and who she really is at present. It is impossible to love someone and treat them the way she is treating you. Not saying she can't change but there is no sign of the real remorse and openness which are a prerequisite for R. There is no chance if you do not stop being a doormat and start demanding respect because weakness just invites further disrespect. She is undermining your very self as a man, and you are allowing her!! You are only powerless as long as you delay asserting yourself! Courage! What is there to lose except your illusions?


----------



## GusPolinski

First, "it was just a kiss" means they f*cked. That's more or less a universal truth, so you might as well accept it.

Second, she was almost certainly in _at least_ an emotional affair w/ your brother-in-law, which makes her a serial cheater. And, honestly, there may very well be other affairs that you know nothing about. (Oh, and it's time for you to not only apologize to your sister, but to make her aware of the extent of the relationship between your WW and her WH.)

Third, you're allowing her to use your shock and confusion to blameshift. That's bullsh*t, and it needs to stop. So put a stop to it.

Fourth, if the boss is married, expose the affair to his wife. She deserves to know that he's stepping out on her

And, finally, when's the divorce?


----------



## dash74

Your wife knows that you're a pushover so why would she change.

Oh and your wife did screw her boss and kissed you afterwards.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

Clair said:


> Emerging Buddhist,
> I would be careful about showing forgiveness from a place of pain. Most need to heal from that before the idea of forgiveness is even contemplated, and that is a process involving anger, resentment and finally disgust which leads to final detachment. Healing is helped by genuine remorsefulness of the WS, showing self- disgust for the pain they have caused and the desire to change.


Too many decisions and actions one suffers unto themselves are self-defeating...

Forgiveness isn't a first step for others, it is a first step for healing self... the less you attach to the one who hurts you the more strength and freedom you find.

Remorse is an expectation that may never come, some processes of pain can be acceptably circumvented, how one owns them is by no doubt an individual choice, but a choice nonetheless.

I have lived through infidelity, a previous wife thumbed it at my nose and anger burned bright... in the aftermath I learned she did not deserve the attention but the ill feelings I wished upon her came full-circle.

There are some things you learn you cannot control, pay attention to the ones in you that you can.

Peace be with you Clair...


----------



## VladDracul

*I wish other men would quit fvcking my wife!*


----------



## Clair

Emerging Buddhist,
Unless already a saint, trying to to forgive and trust while still in pain is likely to increase the pressure felt by the betrayed, instead of relieving it. Usually detachment and forgiveness are preceeded by anger, resentment, contempt, disgust. Letting go is often a long, hard, painful process.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

Clair said:


> Emerging Buddhist,
> Unless already a saint, trying to to forgive and trust while still in pain is likely to increase the pressure felt by the betrayed, instead of relieving it. Usually detachment and forgiveness are proceeded by anger, resentment, contempt, disgust.


Each have their own path Clair... may the OP find theirs.


----------



## Clair

I'm not recommending anger, contempt etc, just saying that letting go the pain of betrayal isn't easy, and anger is the usual response to such a deep wound to the self. Unfortunately, not many can forgive instantly, and its better to acknowledge anger etc than try to repress it.

ETA: OP, it could be that allowing yourself to feel your anger will help clear your confusion and enable you to focus on taking the necessary strong actions . Within reason, of course, as described in detail by others above.


----------



## See_Listen_Love

> No one know about this except one friend of mine at work... I can't apologize to sister cause then they all would know.


You do not do anything in your life that gives you discomfort, right? You want everything to be easy, soft and comfortable...take an emotional pill to forget.

WAKE UP! Read the posters above and do it.



edawgsd said:


> For some crazy reason I do love her still but I don't respect myself anymore. I feel like a ***** for not being able to confront this guy either (her boss).We have a house and 3 great kids... I do love them so much I am willing to suffer but only so much I can take.


The life choice that is waiting you is to break from the Matrix and start living in reality. Look then at yourself in the mirror, battered and bruised, but having stood up for yourself and the values you believe in. Not comfortable, not easy, but the right things done whatever the consequences. Believe me, you kids will respect THAT and not what you have done so far. YOU will respect that, and have a new life.


----------



## Palodyne

I have had disagreements with my sister, Lord knows I have. But you are in the wrong. Your sister was correct about your cheating wife and her husband. You need to reach out to your sister, tell her what you found, and make peace.

Your wife is a liar and a cheat. Are you seriously going to place her over your wronged sister? If you do, you are no better than your liar wife and your worthless brother-in-law. You need to rethink this, protect your sister!


----------



## Talker67

straightshooter said:


> Now I doubt until you get a little pissed off and angry that you will listen, but here is what you should be doing
> (1) if this guy is married, you tell his wife what is going on and you do not tell your wife a thing about it beforehand. My guess is she will be ballistic when she finds out because he if he is married will be more interested in saving his ass than chasing your wife which will deprive her of the ability to keep having sex with him.
> (2) you see an attorney, and since she refuses to quit the job, I would tell her you are seeing an attorney. You do that to let her know she is on thin thin ice because right now you are eating the **** sandwich and nothing in her life has changed except she is missing happy hour.
> (3) you install a VAR in her car. My bet is within a week you will find that they are communicating regularly outside of work. Plus if she is like many women, who discuss this kind of **** more often than men with their girlfriends , you will also find out who know, who is encouraging her, who is covering for her, and you will be operating from a position of knowledge no being clueless like you are now. YOU DO NOT FREVEAL HOW YOU KNOW ANYTHING REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU HEAR . This VAR will cost you less than $100.
> (4) you put a GPS tracker on her car. She should be volunteering to be accountable but it is obvious she is not if she is pissed because she does not get to be with OM after work.
> (5) you tell her you want to see her pay stubs to see if she is taking any vacation time or personal leave when there is not a reason or you know she was not at doctor.
> (6) yuou get copies of all your phone bills and look for a number that appears a lot. That is his number outside work and my bet is she is still talking to him outside work.
> (7) n case he is an experienced cheater , you search her car and everywhere in the house for a "burner" phone. That includes her lingerie drawer and anywhere else you ordinarily would not look.
> (8) and lastly, you tell her she is taking a polygraph test at some point in the future unannounced and she better pass. Her reaction will tell you a lot, and my guess is she will refuse outright,. Guess why??? Because she cannot pass.
> .


^this^

but i would get the VAR, GPS Tracker, key loggers, etc IN PLACE before you out this guy to his wife. At that point the Poo will hit the fan, and you want to be able to see all the communications she has with him. In their panicking, you may learn the full truth, AND her future plans


----------



## Graywolf2

edawgsd said:


> She never was* very sexual only when we were dating *or trying to get pregnant. And yes Ive felt that sex is like a duty for her...


She is dating her boss.



edawgsd said:


> Its been 3 weeks now and I can't stand that she still works with him and has no intention of quitting (she cant quit its a really good job that pays her about 7-8k/mo). She says it has stopped but it kills me she is with him all day.





edawgsd said:


> Her boss is from another state and came to our city for a promotion but is going back to his home state in about 6 months.


So you’re letting your wife date another man for “about 7-8k/mo” and hope it ends when he moves away?



edawgsd said:


> The texts I read however shows they had fallen pretty deep for each other. They talk about how unbearable the pain is when they don't see each other and she says to him she needs him.


Why wouldn’t she be having sex? She isn’t some young sweet thing guarding her virginity.



edawgsd said:


> His wife and child don't live here. they didn't like it and are back at their home state. he is here by himself.


What a perfect setup. He’s her boss. Do you think that he might give her permission to take a long lunch?


----------



## Lostme

I know it is hard when we find out our spouses are lying cheaters.

I know this is very hard for you, but you already have all the information you need to know she is a cheater. She will continue to do this because you have not stood up to her and set boundaries and giving consequences if she step out of line.

If you are hoping that all will be well in the marriage when this guy moves back to where he came from, you are very wrong she will find someone else. You need to reread those text over and over until you get angry enough to do something about it, and beating the guy will not solve anything but probably have you in jail.

She knows that you will never leave or tell anyone about her affairs, could be out of embarrassment or you thinking it makes you look bad but the only one that will look bad is her.

You should talk to your sister, you are both married to lousy scumbags do you want your sister to be married to a cheater to ruin her life. You could both be each other's support system.

I know you won't leave your wife, and if that is your choice you need to get tough with her, set boundaries, secretly put a VAR in her car, monitor her phone ask her for all her password if you do not have them. Most importantly she needs to tell you the whole truth or you will never get over this, and she has no right to get mad when you ask questions it takes years to get over a spouse cheating if one decides to save the marriage. It will take both of you, make sure she has no choice but to go to marriage counseling. She also really needs to get a job somewhere else or you will never be able to move on.


----------



## barbados

OP

If this story is true, (anytime I see sex with an inlaw/relative involved I have doubts), then your WW is a serial cheating POS, and you need to D ASAP kids or no kids. That simple. Good Luck


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

Clair said:


> I'm not recommending anger, contempt etc, just saying that letting go the pain of betrayal isn't easy, and anger is the usual response to such a deep wound to the self. Unfortunately, not many can forgive instantly, and its better to acknowledge anger etc than try to repress it.
> 
> ETA: OP, it could be that allowing yourself to feel your anger will help clear your confusion and enable you to focus on taking the necessary strong actions . Within reason, of course, as described in detail by others above.


And I understand you are not recommending that, we are all offering the best paths we can to help one hurting and looking for direction, especially when one has been so betrayed.

The level for forgiveness presented is not to stay and work things out, such success would be a poor expectation and I do not believe attainable with the proven behaviors of the wandering spouse... one should believe in and trust the patterns presented and recognize the betrayed self are more valuable than the treatment given to them (all that comes with adultery).

It is my most humble opinion that staying in such a relationship is unwarranted self-suffering, recognition and disappointment are already present, but I do question creating a more stony path of anger if it isn't present, not all benefit closure this way. 

Of course the OP is angry, even if confused and not shown, it is natural and expected and horribly painful... and the past actions chain one to it. The thoughts I offer are of letting go of the hurt that controls to find the self-love that is needed in the present. A counselor may help considerably with this.

My views may not be popular with people believing anger is a necessary step, infidelity is a place filled with hurt and anger, disappointment and distrust, but if I could have walked away without being hooked on a grudge my growth would have come so much sooner.

Peace be with you...

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned". 
Buddha


----------



## jsmart

Palodyne said:


> I have had disagreements with my sister, Lord knows I have. But *you are in the wrong. Your sister was correct about your cheating wife* and her husband. You need to reach out to your sister, tell her what you found, and make peace.
> 
> *Your wife is a liar and a cheat. Are you seriously going to place her over your wronged sister?* If you do, you are no better than your liar wife and your worthless brother-in-law. You need to rethink this, protect your sister!


You need to apologize to your sister. You threw your relationship with your sister away to protect your lying, adulteress wife. You both need each other. The right thing to do would be to give her the info you have so she can make a decision about her marriage based on all the facts.

I agree with poster that you need to get a VAR in her car and the room that she tends to do her talking in. Once you expose her brother in law, he will contact her to get their stories straight and you will hear the facts. 

The same goes for her boss. You need to get in touch with his wife and expose.
There is no doubt that your wife is still servicing her boss. Like another poster said, he's the boss and they can go for a long lunch or out to "meet a client" straight to a hotel or more likely to an isolated section of a park for a romp in the backseat. 

I want to repeat what I and others posters have been trying to tell you, she is VERY SEXUAL. You get cold duty sex because she doesn't love or respect you but her boss gets enthusiastic everything on the menu sex because she's submitting herself to her boss. To her, he's a strong powerful man.


----------



## VladDracul

Graywolf2 said:


> What a perfect setup. He’s her boss. Do you think that he might give her permission to take a long lunch?


And since he's here working while his wife has migrated back to their home town, you know he has an apartment. Reminds me of the guy confronting the other man about upsetting his wife.

Husband:
_You know this has impacted her heath because she has acute angina._

Other man:
_I know. She has nice breast to._


----------



## TRy

edawgsd said:


> For some crazy reason I do love her still but I don't respect myself anymore. I feel like a ***** for not being able to confront this guy either (her boss).We have a house and 3 great kids... I do love them so much I am willing to suffer but only so much I can take.


 Look up the term cuckold. Most men that are cuckolds did not become one by choice and do not enjoy being one. Your wife has groomed you into becoming a cuckold. She is a serial cheater, yet you had your head in the sand ignoring your own sister's warning for years. You have not even enforced no contact, with your wife refusing to change jobs and continuing to work closely with her affair partner every day. She cheats on you knowing that in both cases you did not directly confront the affair partner, expose, or even enforce no contact, and that all the reasons given by you for staying in the marriage will still be true the next time that you catch her cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## harrybrown

go see your attorney today. file for D.

call up your wife's HR department. have a package sent to the bosses wife. Time to take your balls back.

Have some respect for yourself. Your wife has none for you. Have your sister help you out her to the bosses wife. 

change the locks on the house. You do not want the boss using your bed. she is having sex with him everyday. So stand up for yourself and your family. 

she is running all over you. Time for you to take action and stop all talking to the enemy.


----------



## Roselyn

Career woman here, 29 years in my profession, and never cheated on my husband of 36 years (first marriage for the both of us). My husband and I are good looking people and have been hit on in the workplace many times. Your wife is the family and office "Ho". Everyone know this, including you. You can chose to ignore the truth. 

She will not change. Yes, she is a cheater and slept with your brother-in-law and her boss. You have the evidence, with those provocative photos and texts. As one poster pointed out, these are not her first rodeos. DNA your kids to make sure that they are yours. If anything else, if they will have health problems later, these can be traced back to their biological seeds. 

Your wife cheats because she can. She knows that you will look away. She knows you are weak and she does not respect you. Get an STD test for yourself and your children. She is jeopardizing your health. Your choice to stay or go. I say "go"; money is not everything in a marriage. You will live in misery if you stay in this marriage, knowing what your wife does!


----------



## morituri

Staying married to her sends a bad message to your children and it is a good way of earning their contempt towards you.


----------



## Red Sonja

edawgsd said:


> The reason she thinks she says she did it is because it excites her to feel being *courted*.


Really?!

Groping/sex in a car in the parking lot is _courting_?
Groping/sex in the office supply closet is _courting_?
Sexting and dirty pictures are _courting_?

:slap: Is she that desperate? Is she 14 years old?

NO, NO, NO! The above is called being treated like a wh0re and she is acting like a wh0re and in return, ergo she is the office wh0re. I guarantee you that their relationship is not a secret in the workplace, others have figured this out and it’s only a matter of time before other men in the workplace approach her with the same intent. I’ve seen it happen.

She is destroying her 8k per month career, maybe that will wake her up.

UFB


----------



## PhillyGuy13

2 times that you know of... Only because you stumbled into her recent texts with BIL over the past year or two. Geez, your sister warned you years ago and you dismissed her outright, no dilligence at all on your part? 

(and why exactly are you still mad at your sister? Did you ever confirm your wife's relationship with her husband? Or has she been living in a nightmare of doubt all these years?)

And come on, if you really wanted to, you could find out her boss' information. Hell, send one of us a PM with his name and details- we will find his family for you toot sweet.

You are deathly afraid of being single and alone. I get that. But you are married to a serial cheater who has slept with multiple men over several years of marriage. 

Your oldest son is now old enough where needs a role model on how to interact with others. I suggest teaching him about self respect by gaining some for yourself, and get this serial cheater out of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TDSC60

DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE SAYS! CHEATERS LIE!

Believe what you saw with your own eyes. Her texts to other men clearly shows you how she feels and what she wants. She has told you through these texts that she has not intention of being faithful to you and the marriage. SHE CRAVES ATTENTION FROM OTHER MEN! This will not change no matter what she says.


----------



## EunuchMonk

OP, I know this is hard to hear but I hope you are taking it to heart. It's jarring when a person you love, made vows with, laughed and cried with turns on you in this heartless way but it happens every day in some part of the globe.

Hopefully, you can take your head out of your behind and expose your WW. She showed no love when she decided to cheat. Matter of fact, you should get a STI test to make sure she hasn't given you anything.

Nuke this affair with the boss. Go full Hiroshima on them.


----------



## Tatsuhiko

edawgsd, as others have said you need to strike fast and strike hard. Here is your to-do list for the week:

1) Start to accept the fact that your wife has had full-on sex with another man, possibly multiple men. It is also likely that she showed this man more passion and did more things with him than she ever offered you. She might still be actively engaged in the affair, only hiding it better. Think about whether this is a deal-breaker for you. 
2) File for divorce through an attorney. You can always reverse the process later, once she has shown adequate contrition and remorse and quit her job.
3) Perform a DNA test on your kids and let her witness you collecting samples. It might be the case that you are 100% sure the kids are yours. Maybe they look just like you. But you are making a point to her about trust and the degree of damage that an affair does.
4) Get a voice-activated recorder (VAR) and put it in her car.
5) Put a key-logger on any family computer that she uses. 
6) Apologize to your sister and explain that you insulted her only because it was so difficult to believe that your wife had no decency or morals. It is okay for your sister to know. Your wife's family should know as well. Expose her so that she finally feels the shame she always should have. Share your photos of your sister's husband's texts with your sister.
7) Search for a burner phone. Do not feel any guilt about going through her personal effects. She certainly feels no guilt. 
8) Do everything in your power to find out the OM's name and address. You may need to hire a PI. When you find out, you will inform the man's wife, sending her any evidence you have. 
9) Insist that your wife take a polygraph to determine the level of involvement with your brother-in-law, her boss, and possibly other men. The polygraph examiner will write the questions after you've explained the situation to him 
10) Arrange an STD test for yourself and your wife. Again, she might have no symptoms, but it is at least a way of teaching her about consequences and the seriousness of her transgressions. 
11) Implement the 180. Be cordial but brief with her. Begin doing things to better yourself. Exercise, diet, and dressing better. Let her see that you are a man worthy of other women's interest, or at least their respect. She apparently has none for you. 

Note that the information you have could well result in both her and her boss getting fired. If you ultimately end up going the divorce route, you should NOT inform her work about the affair, because her firing might adversely affect your alimony and child-support payments. Some of this is determined by the state you live in. An attorney can tell you more. If you decide to stay married, you should throw the OM to the wolves and insist that your wife out her affair to the HR department.


----------



## edawgsd

Thanks everyone for your advice! This is definetly helping me a lot. Since I posted I have found out his wifes home address in the other state. I got her cell but it wasn't hers... I did get her moms cellphone I believe though. I definetly will tell his wife. Worse case I will mail her a letter with the evidence. I am about to order a VAR. I looked for some on ebay. Any recommendations? I also had another talk to her letting her know contact has to stop 100% and if we somehow stay together that its my way or the highway. No going out..No happy hours..No being upset because she cant go with her friends and no blame on me...

BTW my sister left her husband about 1 yr ago. She met some guy while married still and has a new man in her life...


----------



## GusPolinski

edawgsd said:


> Thanks everyone for your advice! This is definetly helping me a lot. Since I posted I have found out his wifes home address in the other state. I got her cell but it wasn't hers... I did get her moms cellphone I believe though. I definetly will tell his wife. Worse case I will mail her a letter with the evidence. I am about to order a VAR. I looked for some on ebay. Any recommendations? I also had another talk to her letting her know contact has to stop 100% and if we somehow stay together that its my way or the highway. No going out..No happy hours..No being upset because she cant go with her friends and no blame on me...
> 
> BTW my sister left her husband about 1 yr ago. She met some guy while married still and has a new man in her life...


The Sony ICDPX-333 is an excellent VAR. Use lithium batteries for more recording time or rechargeable batteries to save $$$. Read through @weightlifter's "Standard Evidence Post" thread here in the CWI forum for tips and advice w/ respect to VAR placement, configuration, etc.

Oh, and if you're going to reconcile, she HAS to go 100% no contact w/ OM, _which means that she needs another job *ASAP*._ If she refuses or waffles on this, you might as well save yourself the indignity and grief involved in attempting to reconcile w/ a serial cheater and file for divorce.

Also, you owe your sister an apology -- as does your WW -- regardless of her current marital/relationship status.


----------



## TDSC60

I have seen a few successful Rs after an affair. Very few. I have seen zero successful Rs with a serial cheater. Serial cheaters do not change. They may say all the right things for a while, they may appear to do all the right things for a while, even years, but eventually the urge returns. Sorry to say that the two affairs you have caught is probably just the tip of the iceberg. She has always needed to feel "courted" and always will.

Get out with you dignity intact.


----------



## Graywolf2

Do NOT tell your wife that you’re going to contact the OM’s wife. He will try and intercept the communication or tell his wife that some crazy guy thinks that he is having an affair with his wife. Don’t do anything until you have the VAR in place. Then make contact still not telling your wife. Just wait until you get some reaction. If you’re lucky “kicking the ant nest” will cause her to discuss things that will be picked up by the VAR.

NEVER tell ANYONE about the VAR. Use it as a guide. If you find out about something that you couldn’t have found out any other way then you can’t admit that you know it. Figure out an independent way that you found out like friends saw them.


*LOOK HERE:* http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html#post9756666


----------



## Palodyne

edawgsd said:


> BTW my sister left her husband about 1 yr ago. She met some guy while married still and has a new man in her life...


 My sister did the same thing. She divorced her husband, after she cheated, and married the POS other man. Her life is now massively screwed up. He hasn't worked in over 18 months, and she is working to pay the bills. The down side is, that when she can't make it work she begs to us, and we give money only because we don't want the kids to suffer. He is a POS that is benefiting from our need to see the kids safe.


----------



## BetrayedDad

edawgsd said:


> Well I stayed with her and "forgave" her but saved the texts and pics and I still see em from time to time and it still bothers me. Because of this I started tracking her and checking her phone. Now 3 weeks ago and 1.5 yrs after the incident with my brother in law (whom I never confronted but he knows I know) whom I don't talk to anymore either besides my sister I went through her phone again and found out she has been seeing her boss at work for the last 2 months! She says it was just an emotional affair not sexual and all they did is kiss in his car after work and they only kissed and nothing more. The texts I read however shows they had fallen pretty deep for each other. They talk about how unbearable the pain is when they don't see each other and she says to him she needs him and wish she could put her head on his chest. They talk about being together that morning and that she feels different after. That she has fallen deep for him then she tells him she loves him! He telle sher he loves her too and this is what crushes me she says "I wish we were looking into each others eyes and saying it to each other while making love".


1) I'm sorry for your situation. My exwife also cheated on me with her boss. I'm more sorry you took her back.

2) Stories like yours also make me SO THANKFUL everyday I dumped that stupid wh0re. You should do the same.



edawgsd said:


> She says it was just an emotional affair not sexual and all they did is kiss in his car after work and they only kissed and nothing more. The texts I read however shows they had fallen pretty deep for each other.


My ex had many a vehicle session also so I say this with 100% certainty. They have fvcked repeatedly like rabbits. Don't even waste your time with a VAR. Accept this as fact.

Look, I have two kids. Is it optimal that I divorced her? No, but it's better than the alternative. Being married to a serial cheater and having them grow up with a dad with no balls.

DUMP HER.


----------



## jb02157

Marc878 said:


> As long as they have contact the affair will continue. Cheaters lie, hide and deny. She'll just get better at hiding this and take it deep underground. Send the info to his wife.
> 
> I doubt this is her second rodeo but you seem the type to hope it'll get better. It won't.
> 
> Serial cheaters never stop.


Bad wives never get better, only worse. Been there and done that.


----------



## destroyd

I know it can seem totally messed up and counterproductive, but if you have any hopes of knocking her out of this affair and ever reconciling you simply have no choice but to expose to the other mans wife, your families, and workplace. She has to face her behavior- be called out on it- and experience the full consequences of it to ever make you a good wife again. You must be ready and willing to divorce her as calmly as you would flush the toilet. Be strong, show resolve, show no fear. You need to make things happen. Anything less, and she will feel she 'has had one over on you'. And you will continue to feel that way as well. 

Get your vars in place- like TODAY. This is not the time for being indecisive or wishy washy. Every walmart & best buy in the country has them on the shelf. Learn how to use them. See weightlifter's thread mentioned above. Do not do anything careless and get caught by her with them. Be ready to electronically manage the files that the vars generate. Then, go to any means necessary to get on the phone with OMW. If you can't get it any other way, and are financially able, have a PI locate her for you. Yes- it is that important. The OM's wife deserves to know the status of her marriage as well. Plus, she will tear OM's ass off from her end which will help get you out of infidelity as quick as possible. 

Take it from a man who lived this nightmare. A woman who is having an affair with her boss in an administrative or corporate setting is all but impossible to stop without drastic measures. They can meet before work, they can take early/Iate/extended lunches. They can and will screw in the boss's office behind locked doors, they can find any number of safe areas behind locked doors in any office building. My WW never wore skirts in the 16 years I had known her- until she was in the affair. She wore them to entice the OM- and also for 'quick access' for screwing at a moment's notice in the office. They can take vacation time off together to spend afternoons at an apartment or hotel. They can meet somewhere separately in their own vehicles, then leave her car somewhere and take off in his car. And yes, grown responsible, churchgoing women with children at home will give the OM anal sex- and give blow jobs in vehicles when they have never ever done so for you. And all that is possible if they don't even travel for business. If they travel for business, they have almost unlimited access and privacy to carry on the affair- it could go on indefinitely and you would be none the wiser. My WW would call me in the evenings when on trips and Iaugh & chat with me and the kids, make sure we had all homework done and kids teeth brushed, give me 'honey do's' to get done, then we would say our 'I love yous' and 'goodnights' then OM would come to her room for an undisturbed night of debouchery while I put our kids to bed and slept alone. This **** can be twisted bubba- dont fall into the trap of 'she's not that kind of woman'. All of us are inately capable of it. 

Do not fear your wife's reaction to the consequences of exposure. She will be very pissed and may threaten divorce, or chastise you for exposing. I never saw my wife as venomous and evil as when she learned I exposed to her mother. You stand tall and be an oak. It will sink in, and her anger will pass. She brought this all on herself by choosing to have an affair- and whether she ever admits it or not, she KNOWS this and she will come to terms with it. You are simply taking steps to protect yourself and get out of infidelity after being deceived in the worst way possible. Later on, she will respect you for making her be accountable. 

I know you don't want to believe she could do it- I sure didn't believe my WW was capable of such things, but she was- and I had less evidence to go on than you have now when I first found out. 

I didn't manage things as positively as I should have at the outset of discovering my wifes affair and I have suffered 10 times more for it. Based on the weak evidence I had, and desperately wanting to believe my wife, I thought at first I was dealing with an EA. The truth came out later, and it was a bitter pill. Listen to the overwhelming advice you are being given here. These guys have seen it all, and they can call the correct score when you are blinded. We all got your back man. Take care of business.


----------



## BetrayedDad

@edawgsd 

I agree with 95% of what the posters here are saying except one thing. DON'T attempt to reconcile with her. She is a SERIAL cheater. Consider what that means for a moment.

They have fvcked MULTIPLE men. Once they sink to THAT level, the respect will NEVER come back. The stigma of cheating is completely gone. They are permanently checked out.

They don't even have respect for themselves. They don't care how it IMPACTS their kids. Given that, why would they ever consider your feelings?!? All they care about is themselves.

If they ask for another chance, understand it is ONLY for selfish reasons. For SELF preservation. They don't REALLY care that they hurt you, they just want to USE YOU as plan B.

The BEST and ONLY real option you have is to mentally prepare for, then execute divorce from her as quickly as possible. Any other option is a further determent to your life.


----------



## sokillme

Staying with a serial cheater is the morally wrong thing to do. It just contributes to the decay of society and further denigrates marriage as an institution. You willingness to let you wife repeatedly abuse you shows your kids and anyone who knows that there are no consequences for evil actions. This in turn is a learned listen that they may incorporate into their lives. The more people see that cheating really doesn't have consequences the easier it is for them to do it.


----------



## destroyd

A few more things. If you have shown your hand prematurely, the affair may be deep underground now. Look for a burner phone. If she uses one you may catch it on the var if you have calls that dont show on the mobile bill. Look for untraceable apps on her phone. One trick they use is to install the app, use it all day to communicate with OM, then uninstall it before arriving home to you. On android, you can look at a list of apps that have been installed, even if they arent currently installed. Look for games that have a chat function. Get Dr fone, learn how to root her phone and run the recovery software on it. Another option is have her somehow 'lose' her phone and then you send it off to a data recovery service. 

Look for the location history on her phone. On android it is not super precise, but it will definitely confirm/deny that she was or was not where she was supposed to be. If she turns location off, and keeps it off, or you turn it on and she turns it back off- Big Red Flag. If there are obvious holidays in the location history that also means she may have been 'managing' her history. 

Large gaps of time where she doesn't answer texts or calls are a Red Flag as well. If this happens around lunch time, consider she may be ditching the phone while she runs off with/meets OM. These days everybody, everywhere keeps their phones handy all the time. Even in meetings at work, if she is not actively giving a presentation she should be able to respond by text in a reasonable manner. 

There are home kits that you can use to test underwear stains for the presence of semen. They are highly accurate. 

Look for an upgrade in underwear. If she has worn granny panties with holes in them for 10 years, and now is wearing leapard print bikini underwear, or lacy things with cute sayings on them its a Red Flag. 

Note any inordinate purchasing or consumption of tampons- they can be used after unprotected 'office sex' to prevent annoying leaking and making things unpleasant for her. 

Cast a suspicious eye as well if she arrives home from work and steps straight into the shower as if shes on a mission. If she has always done so, then disregard.


----------



## destroyd

I have come to agree with the opinion that reconciling with a serial cheater is a waste of time.


----------



## Steve1000

edawgsd said:


> I can tell she isn't happy of not being able to go out. We talked and she understands she messed up and we are trying to work it out but my emotions are mixed. I love my kids so much I don't want to not be with them everyday. I have bad days and remember all the details and still feel hurt. Another problem I feel like when we have sex that she does it cause she has too. She never has been very sexual but again she did tell the guy she wanted to make love to him. Again she says it was just emotional not sexual with him...


In all sincerity, what is there really to work out? You know who she now is and you know that if she could have all her dreams come true, she would choose to be with her boss. You can stay with her for awhile unless she leaves you someday, but you'll never forget the things she said and did with her boss. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.


----------



## BetrayedDad

Steve1000 said:


> In all sincerity, what is there really to work out? You know who she now is and you know that if she could have all her dreams come true, she would choose to be with her boss. You can stay with her for awhile unless she leaves you someday, but you'll never forget the things she said and did with her boss. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.


He thinks he can "fix her".... Rookie mistake OP. Don't learn the hard way.


----------



## Steve1000

BetrayedDad said:


> He thinks he can "fix her".... Rookie mistake OP. Don't learn the hard way.


and if he doesn't follow much advice here, I still don't blame him one bit because we all know how difficult it can be to think rationally when going through this.


----------



## edawgsd

Ya don't know what to think by staying...maybe its my autistic child... maybe its not wanting to miss moments with my kids....maybe I still lover her for some dumb reason...Right now I sleep in a different room till Var is in place. Im off tomorrow and will put that in tomorrow. I also only have an address for OM's wife. her cell # I found on peoplefinder is not hers...I did get a number to her mom I believe and called and asked for her but she wasn;t available but since VAR is not in yet I am not gonna tell her yet. If I cant get a hold of her I will just mail it to address I found they own. Oh and check this out. I messed up and she went through my phone and deleted the texts I ahd taken pics of.... So now I have nothing to send OM's wife. I did root my android and used DR Fone but it stops scanning halfway and I haven't been able to find the deleted pics I took yet. So ya Im on standby till:
1)install VAR tomorrow
2) recover deleted texts
3) mail or call wife
4) wait for **** to hit fan when OM wife founds out/


p.s. She has an iphone, I am sure I can recover her whatsapp texts she had with him if she has deleted the chat? Any known programs? its a 6+. Also thought about installing a separate GPS on her car besides using her phones GPS any thought?


----------



## Malaise

Why did she go through your phone?

What was her reaction on seeing the pics and texts?

What excuse did you give for having them?


----------



## destroyd

Oh. My. God. so let me get this straight- you had the evidence- and she went into your phone, and deleted it? and now all you have is hearsay, and maybe phone records showing a lot of calls & texts. All that is easily explained away by her as you being a controlling and jealous husband. Get this in your head now- this is war! She will stop at no length to deny you any evidence of her wrongdoing. 

If you want those pics back, Stop using your phone RIGHT NOW. Dont take any more pics. Dont send/receive texts. Don't let the phone download updates. The pics are probably still in it, but will be overwritten if you keep using it. Turn it on airplane mode, or power it off until you can get your ducks in a row. You need to figure out why you are hung up on the Dr fone scan. If you are using the trial version, you may want to go ahead and buy the real version. Research the problem on the net and see if you can get it to work. Or, send it off to a company that specializes in retrieving deleted files from media. 

Listen, you have all you need to dump her ass- you know she was cheating. You know it, we all know it. But, what you dont have is proof. You had it, but she pulled a fast one and deleted it. Now you've really got jack **** on her, and she can spin everything to her favor with coworkers, friends, family- and paint you to be a ****ty husband. 

If all you want is rid of her, that's all you need. Just file for divorce. But if you are like me, you wanted proof to be able to show someone to prove her cheating. You want the smoking gun. You tipping your hand, and letting her delete those pics have set you back big time. 

Chances are she's now taken the affair so far underground that a well digger couldn't find anything. If you are not gonna divorce- Prepare yourself for limboland. 

I can tell you this. If you can get dr fone to run, or you send your phone off to a specialist right now, you can get those pics back. If you continue to use it, all bets are off. 

The other thing- if you could send HER phone to a specialist right now, most likely, you would have it all the evidence you could want. 

Since she has an iphone, look into retrieving her texts from the itunes back up. I'm not an apple guy, so I can't help you with that- but the know how is here in the folks on this forum. Dr fone can retrieve some of those social media chats- not sure which ones. 

You can get standalone gps devices to use. You would most likely have to pay for a few months service to the supplier to get set up to monitor it online in real time. As far as I'm concerned, that would be the way to go. You hear about guys putting a different cell phone on another account in the car, and monitoring that. That could work- but the battery would go dead right when you needed it the most- and after you hide it real good, gps reception can suffer. The standalone units are made for that application, and will work. 

Monitoring is very time consuming, and gets surprizingly expensive when done long term.


----------



## BetrayedDad

edawgsd said:


> Ya don't know what to think by staying...maybe its my autistic child... maybe its not wanting to miss moments with my kids....maybe I still lover her for some dumb reason...Right now I sleep in a different room till Var is in place.


What is the point of the VAR? Are you going to dump her if you hear her getting pounded by the OM?

We both know the answer is probably not. So what will this accomplish other than inflicting mind movies on you?

She IS fvcking this guy 100%. She ADMITTED to physical contact (ie kissing). Teenagers kiss, adults FVCK and

Cheaters trickle truth. Look if you insist on "staying for the kids" then put your efforts into breaking up the relationship.

You accomplish this by EXPOSING to EVERYONE you know (including HR) and she MUST quit that job. That's NOT optional.

As long as she works there, she will continue to fvck him. Is $90k a year really worth being cuckolded over?!?

Don't put a price on your dignity man. If YOU don't respect yourself she sure as hell won't. She has zero for you now.

Better she make $50k a year somewhere else and she not get fvcked by other dudes in their cars. Don't you agree?!?


----------



## GusPolinski

edawgsd said:


> Ya don't know what to think by staying...maybe its my autistic child... maybe its not wanting to miss moments with my kids....maybe I still lover her for some dumb reason...Right now I sleep in a different room till Var is in place. Im off tomorrow and will put that in tomorrow. I also only have an address for OM's wife. her cell # I found on peoplefinder is not hers...I did get a number to her mom I believe and called and asked for her but she wasn;t available but since VAR is not in yet I am not gonna tell her yet. If I cant get a hold of her I will just mail it to address I found they own. Oh and check this out. I messed up and she went through my phone and deleted the texts I ahd taken pics of.... So now I have nothing to send OM's wife. I did root my android and used DR Fone but it stops scanning halfway and I haven't been able to find the deleted pics I took yet. So ya Im on standby till:
> 1)install VAR tomorrow
> 2) recover deleted texts
> 3) mail or call wife
> 4) wait for **** to hit fan when OM wife founds out/
> 
> 
> p.s. She has an iphone, I am sure I can recover her whatsapp texts she had with him if she has deleted the chat? Any known programs? its a 6+. Also thought about installing a separate GPS on her car besides using her phones GPS any thought?


Look into an app called Wondershare Dr. Fone. It's available for both Windows and mac OS.

Before you use it, though, answer this --

Do you plan to attempt data recovery with or WITHOUT your wife's knowledge?

Also, what kind of phone do YOU use?


----------



## destroyd

Divorce, or reconcile- doesn't matter. If incontrovertible evidence is in hand, it is Ieverage. I can totally relate to him wanting evidence.


----------



## edawgsd

The reason she went through my phone she says was she didnt want me reading it over and over and reciting passages as I had done. To tell you the truth it helped. I was going every single word and trying to decipher it like crazy.. im telling you guys this sucks...u feel one way one day next day another way....Anyways that was her reason.

Her reaction was just that. She didnt want me to read it again. 

I told her I took them so I can have proof of what she did. For whatever reason. Lawyers, friends, sorta took them for exposure.

The VAR I guess is for proof she is not talking to this guy or if she is telling him to f off (ya right huh?) Or to confirm ****ing. 


I use a Samsung Note 4. My battery is shot and think thats the problem. I ordered 2 new ones and they should arrive anyday. 

I do have the wonderland dr fone program trial version and also downloaded an app called diskdigger but both crash out halfway. I was able to browse and it did have a ****load of deleted.pics. on dr fone there were 4000 pics of which I was able to view like 2000. Hoping ghat without it crashing that i can download and see all the pics that were found.

P.s. i still.do.have the texts to rother in law from the past.


----------



## GusPolinski

She's still working w/ him, right?

That means that they're still f*cking.

First rule of reconciliation -- NO contact w/ APs.

None.

That means she gets a new job ASAP.

But you're divorcing, right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Luted1984

GusPolinski said:


> She's still working w/ him, right?
> 
> That means that they're still f*cking.
> 
> First rule of reconciliation -- NO contact w/ APs.
> 
> None.
> 
> That means she gets a new job ASAP.
> 
> But you're divorcing, right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally Agreed with this. she must get a new job... but what it is even better, go get a divorce... at least I would no doubt... otherwise you would find yourself taking antidepressants and searching for effexor coupon or something like that, quite sure you don't need it!


----------



## Satya

Why are you EXPLAINING everything to her? 

Keep quiet. You are assuming why she deleted the pictures. She knows EXACTLY what she is doing.


----------



## destroyd

Yes. She deleted those pics like a surgical strike. She didnt do it to 'keep you from looking at them'. She did it to cover her ass. You should have hidden them well, and not let her have known you had them. Without them, you have no real proof, and she can lie and spin and rewrite history. Many people will simply not believe your accusations without proof to slap them upside the head with. Some of my own family tried to tell me I was 'off base'. My wife had told people at her work that we were having problems and probably getting separated. That pisses me off almost as bad as the rest of it. 

Any intel you get- save it multiple places and get it 'off site' so this doesn't happen again.


----------



## Malaise

edawgsd said:


> The reason she went through my phone she says was she didnt want me reading it over and over and reciting passages as I had done. To tell you the truth it helped. I was going every single word and trying to decipher it like crazy.. im telling you guys this sucks...u feel one way one day next day another way....Anyways that was her reason.
> 
> Her reaction was just that. She didnt want me to read it again. BS She's covering her butt. She cares THAT much about you?
> I told her I took them so I can have proof of what she did. For whatever reason. Lawyers, friends, sorta took them for exposure. Why the F would you tell her that?
> 
> The VAR I guess is for proof she is not talking to this guy or if she is telling him to f off (ya right huh?) Or to confirm ****ing.
> 
> 
> I use a Samsung Note 4. My battery is shot and think thats the problem. I ordered 2 new ones and they should arrive anyday.
> 
> I do have the wonderland dr fone program trial version and also downloaded an app called diskdigger but both crash out halfway. I was able to browse and it did have a ****load of deleted.pics. on dr fone there were 4000 pics of which I was able to view like 2000. Hoping ghat without it crashing that i can download and see all the pics that were found.
> 
> P.s. i still.do.have the texts to rother in law from the past.


----------



## BetrayedDad

edawgsd said:


> The VAR I guess is for proof she is not talking to this guy


If she knows your spying on her, and apparently she does since you keep blabbing about all your surveillance activities, its only a matter of time before she switches to work email or instant messenger and you are SOL. If she hasn't already. Work place affairs are notoriously difficult to detect. 8 hours a day in a closed environment with her OM. Easy access to verbal and electronic private communications. It's probably the worst kept secret in the office, all coworkers know too by the way. I wouldn't attend the office Xmas party if I were you.



edawgsd said:


> or if she is telling him to f off (ya right huh?)


Exactly, keep dreaming. 



edawgsd said:


> Or to confirm fvcking.


I'm telling you, as one dude to another, you DON'T want to hear that. Most people can't handle it...

If you were stronger, you'd be filing divorce papers already in this slam dunk divorce scenario.


----------



## destroyd

She'll already be moved her communication to a burner phone or an untraceable app. 
Fear of getting caught by IT using work email/messenging is the reason they gamble on using personal phones in the first place- that, and convenience. The interoffice phones are safe and they can talk all day and no one be the wiser. 

A boss/subordinate intimate relationship is a known policy No-No in most any business other than a purely privately owned small company with few employees. For this reason, they will already have 'been being careful'. Even in a real small company, its a harrassment risk, but if the boss was the owner, and decides to go there he wouldn't give a ****. 

What I'm getting at, is it is possible for them to have an affair, and keep it so quiet and behind closed doors that no one really knows. Now, a few sharp people may pick up a vibe- but nothing further than a raised eyebrow over something small. Or a joke about 'work spouses' cracked, and everyone laughs it off. In fact, they may put on great shows in public of not being close or not even liking each other- which is pretty much the way my wife kept me deflected from her shenanigans. She was always having 'issues' with the boss, he was dumping crap on her, incompetent, seemed they were always at strife over something. As much as she ran him down and complained, I could not imagine her getting involved with the guy. The picture she painted to me was he was an asshat. All of that was just for show- they were heavily involved. 

The other thing that deflected me from examining things sooner than I did was the company she worked for was going through an upheaval- being consolidated with a larger company. OM arrived with the consolidation. There were constant personnel issues and changes, new everything, systems upgrades, etc... All these things gave them a bona-fide reason to need to communicate more than a normal amount. OM, was not the only person she had a lot of extra communication with. Having survived buyouts of companies I have worked for, and the turmoil and extra work it causes made her extra communications not tweak my radar. 

If your wife is even remotely a smart cookie, she has been to a few of these infidelity sites and seen the evidence gathering posts- and will change her tactics accordingly. 

Point to all this being, if they work together, or travel together there is NOTHING you can do to be SURE the affair is not continuing.


----------



## MattMatt

GusPolinski said:


> She's still working w/ him, right?
> 
> That means that they're still f*cking.
> 
> First rule of reconciliation -- NO contact w/ APs.
> 
> None.
> 
> That means she gets a new job ASAP.
> 
> But you're divorcing, right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And even if they are *not* still making the beast with two backs, still working together is just *so *disrespectful!


----------



## destroyd

It's probably somewhat like when we were kids and a parent or teacher got onto us- we were respectful to their face, but as soon as their back was turned, it was "nyah, nyah, nyah" with the hands twiddling at the ears and tongue stuck out. I imagine that's about as much respect a BH gets when the affair partners still work together.


----------



## drifter777

I don't care what your cheating wife says about why she deleted as much evidence as she could find on your phone - she did it to protect her affair partner, her job, and not lose the moral high-ground when you divorce. I say "when" because she ain't gonna quit cheating because serial cheaters never quit. They just get better at hiding it.

The chances that she didn't screw your brother-in-law are near zero. You really need to accept that so you can better understand the issues going on with your wife. She craves/needs to be desired by other men and is willing to trade sex to get attention & adoration. She was very honest with you about this at the beginning - she's broken. She cannot stop.

You are building fences around yourself and defeating your chance to heal with this denial. You say she cannot quit her job. Guess what? If your marriage and family is important enough leaving her job is a given and you deal with the fallout as a secondary problem. The price of trying to reconcile so to speak. You say you can't bear to leave your children because you don't want to be the cause of their unhappiness. Bullsh*t. You don't have to live with their mother in order to be a great father. They are better off with a happier, better adjusted dad then the shattered, suffering wreck you are right now. And from all of my experience I believe you are the kind of man who is never going to accept the sex and her overall disgusting behavior. If you don't take action you are dooming your kids to a long drawn-out drama that will do more damage to them than you realize.

Start planning as if all of your suspicions are true - including her physical affair with your BIL. Find out your rights - ask about shared custody. And stop being so damn easy when discuss this with your wife. Call bullsh*t on her when she says things like she deleted the texts for your benefit. Start discussing a divorce settlement with her. Ask her to move out. Start treating her with all the kindness and respect she's earned.

You also said that not reading those texts has helped you feel better because you don't have to look at the cold, hard, ugly words. I get that but be assured that this is just a short term respite. Very soon you are going to find out that the mind movies of her having sex with these guys are going to fall on you like a ton of bricks. They are intrusive and they are horrible. You will want to vomit as you are reminded of all the things she did to you, your family, and your marriage.


----------



## JohnA

If you can find the strength to get out you will find a woman who is very sexual and affectionate. At this point your WW is very sexual, just not with you. Accept that. 

So push forward, be blunt with her. While divorcing her for her actions, you want to find someone who will make you feel like she did with your BIL and her boss. You want to know what it is like to be with a sexual and affectionate woman. She has never given you that and you want it, 

Dude, you will never look back once if you do.


----------



## CantBelieveThis

drifter777 said:


> I don't care what your cheating wife says about why she deleted as much evidence as she could find on your phone.......


very well put drifter...wow...excellent post!! one thing to add, _and absolutely not in any way to influence R or D at all_, is that as part of D you also have to live with your xW bringing around POS men around your kids....she already has proven her poor mate selection, who knows who she is likely to have your kids around.....and that gives me mind movies....


----------



## GusPolinski

CantBelieveThis said:


> very well put drifter...wow...excellent post!! one thing to add, _and absolutely not in any way to influence R or D at all_, is that as part of D you also have to live with your xW bringing around POS men around your kids....she already has proven her poor mate selection, who knows who she is likely to have your kids around.....and that gives me mind movies....


That's not really an argument against divorce -- that's an argument against having kids in the first place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bobby5000

She likely took the pictures to eliminate the evidence for two purposes, to prevent use in a divorce, and/or create a new reality where you simply imagined what occurred. Sadly this acts reflects your wife's believe that without the evidence, she can now flim flam you into believing nothing serious occurred. Your first step is to apologize to your sister and let your wife know you will be meeting with her. It's sad that you disbelieved your sister, and you should be profoundly apologetic and let your wife know that you will now trust your sister's advice. 

You can try to continue and I have sympathy for your concern for your children. As others note, that would involve your wife going to another job, and serious counseling. I do think both people need to work on their marriage in these situations, but here the wife has shown a capacity to manipulate and be untruthful. I am really sorry at what you are going through and you need to convey the depth of what your wife had done to not only you but probably her children.


----------



## Talker67

if she deleted pictures from YOUR phone, it may still be possible to recover most of them. Either because they are still there in the memory, just marked "deleted", and can be recovered, OR you might have had an online backup like Iphone has?


----------



## TDSC60

Any evidence you find should be transferred to a flashdrive and stored where she cannot find it. "Catch the Cheater 101".


----------



## TAMAT

Edawgsd,

Your WW destroying evidence is just one more kind of dishonesty. The number of lies your WW has told will continue to increase the longer she denies. 

As another poster noted destroying evidence just allows your WW to try and convince you that nothing happened, 2 years or 5 years or 20 years from now. 

Oh what a tangled web we weave when we first conspire to deceive.

Tamat


----------

