# I guess he is never going to forgive me



## lisa3girls

About a year ago, I blew up at my hubby...he was drinking ALL the time. I don't think he was to the alcoholic can't turn back stage, but he would be home with the kids, I'd be working, and he'd be drinking. 

By the time I got home, he'd be sloppy-- slurring his words, trying to be drunkenly affectionate with me (which turned me OFF totally), and it was like he was just always half in the bag.

I started to panic as his sister and brother both have/had severe alcohol problems. So one night, when we went to a party and he was embarrassing drunk, I lost it and unloaded on him. I told him the truth that the DRUNK dh was unattractive and embarrassing and a huge turn off and that I didn't even like him, that I was scared stupid about his drinking and that it needed to stop. I really let loose because nothing else I hinted at was helping.

Well, he took it hard, and he did change his behavior with the alcohol, but now he doesn't hug me, he doesn't kiss me, he sleeps as far away in the bed as possible...he completely pulled away. When I said something, he said, give him time, my words really hurt and that I must not love him...which I assured him wasn't true. It isn't HIM I didn't love, it was the drunk him-- I didn't like that guy. 

So it has been a year, and still, no affection...and the sex is less and less. Have I ruined our marriage for every by telling the truth that night?


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## clancy1015

that sounds like a sad situation. I would consider starting over and re-establishing your relationship. Do the things you did when you first met, go on dates and try to reconnect. He may just need to see you in a different light to truely know that you were concerned about HIM and that you still love him. Honestly, he seems to be acting immature about the situation. Although you may have embarrassed him, the way he made you feel with him drinking all the time was far more damaging, and you should not cave in to his moodyness. I would consider possibly telling him how you currently feel.


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## lisa3girls

clancy1015 said:


> that sounds like a sad situation. I would consider starting over and re-establishing your relationship. Do the things you did when you first met, go on dates and try to reconnect. He may just need to see you in a different light to truely know that you were concerned about HIM and that you still love him. Honestly, he seems to be acting immature about the situation. Although you may have embarrassed him, the way he made you feel with him drinking all the time was far more damaging, and you should not cave in to his moodyness. I would consider possibly telling him how you currently feel.


I agree he acted childish (and still is) about the whole thing. What was I supposed to do, just go along? We have three active daughters, and it is really difficult. He just doesn't seem to care if he does anything with me at all. He lets me do everything for the girls and then complains he is 'lonely'--- but if he comes along to their sports games or whatever, he complains the whole time how boring it is. It is like having a 4th kid most days.


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## Mom6547

lisa3girls said:


> So it has been a year, and still, no affection...and the sex is less and less. Have I ruined our marriage for every by telling the truth that night?


No. But you did stop enabling him. The truth hurts, but you did him a favor in telling him. He is in what we alcoholics call denial. If he stops denying, then he has to stop drinking. Try something like Al Anon perhaps?


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## Runs like Dog

lisa3girls said:


> Have I ruined our marriage for every by telling the truth that night?


Don't ever ever ever ever ever, ever blame yourself for junkie behavior. 

Tell him "I tried to save us, save you. You pay me back with this ****? Here's the deal - we're in this together or we're not. And if you're mad at me that I don't let you drink that's just being a dork. So suck it up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Or would you rather be unloved and alone and drunk all the time? I had your babies for god's but I'll be god damned if you think I'm going to hold your head over the toilet. Now be a man."


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## AJ916

It sounds to me (and I'm no psychologist but I have lived with a couple of different addicts in my lifetime, unfortunately) that he maybe was self-medicating for depression. Alcohol was his medicine and it's great that he stopped taking it, but he's still depressed. He sounds really unhappy if he cannot even enjoy his sober life (ie: his daughters activities, spending time with you, etc). Maybe you can convince him to get into therapy?


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