# Totally at a loss here guys



## BusterPosey (Aug 25, 2012)

So it's like this. My wife and I live in a 3 bedroom house with our daughter and two roommates. The two roommates are in a relationship and stay in one bedroom. Our daughter has a room, and my wife and I have our own.

She's the breadwinner, whereas I am Mr. Mom. I have no problem with this. I do some computer stuff on the side, so I bring in enough money so that I don't feel like I've lost my masculinity. She's OK with it too; as a matter of fact, she's the kind of person where she'd rather work than watch her kid. There's nothing bad about that; most men are actually like that. They like 'their' time when they're working, and they manage to get a little more when they get off work. She's the same way. No love loss; I'm happy with this setup and so is she.

Here's the problem though. Our roommates are the kinds of folks that LOVE drama. They find one little problem in their life and they'll blame the closest person to them. We all know somebody like this.
For example, it's our fault that their pet was out back when it's an indoor animal. They think we listen to their conversations in their bedroom. I wasn't aware they even had a pet, and I could care less what they're talking about. We all know people like this. I just have the unlucky pleasure of splitting bills with them.

So here's the thing that happened. My wife had work at 5 PM today. Roommates both had work at 4 PM. My wife went to spend the day with her mother, from about 10 AM and got home at 3:30 PM. 
She wanted to get ready for work, and that process is as such: 1: eat, 2: shower, 3: pump breast milk for our daughter, and 4: Feed our daughter. 
She never does any of these in the same order; she'll always just do what's convenient for her/us at the time.

She decided she wanted a shower first. I said this, verbatim. 
"You probably should go eat first hun. When it hits 4, they'll be out of the house and you can take your shower whenever. I know neither of them have used the restroom yet and they'll b**** and moan if we interfere with their procrastination."

She got upset. She threw her clothes on the floor, slammed the door, and got her food. She came back in the room a while later, slammed the door shut, sat down and didn't say anything. She got her clothes ready a while after to shower, went and did that, blah blah blah.... I'm still being ignored, all the while. 
I did ask "What's the problem?" to which I received a sarcastic "Problem? Pshh there's no problem. You just _obviously_ care more about them than you do me."

I told her that wasn't true, as I care much more deeply about my wife than I do our roommates. She seemed to not believe it, and remained upset. 
I don't remember exactly what I said to her later, but it was along the lines of me asking "What did I do to deserve this kind of attitude?" She had rebutted that I "deserve it because I'm showing that I care more for them than I do her."



I don't get it. I've kept my mouth shut since that last part. I'm very pacifistic, and I hate altercations. I always want to avoid problems with the roommates if they can be avoided, but I'd rather avoid problems with the wife if I HAD to choose. (Problem is this though; if we get in a fight with the two roommates, she gets frustrated and takes all of her anger out on me. I don't mind her venting, but she doesn't vent. She shouts at me, nitpicks on everything I do, and thinks I'm out to get her.)

It's a lose-lose here. Am I missing something?
I'm not really sure what I should do. She's at work now; has been for about an hour. I'm leaving her be, minus the text I sent her that said "I love you babe; don't forget that."

Confusing dilemma is confusing.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Your 'roomates' will be the end of your marriage, believe me.


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

**** Test. You need to read Married Man Sex Life Primer.

If you do not need the roommates, kick them out.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Your W should always be prioritized ahead of your room-mates. If they don't like it they can find somewhere else to live. If you are the one to deal with this issue and fix it so your W doesn't have to be bothered with their presence any more you will be the good guy to her. It is an opportunity for you.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I agree, with Lon, but I will add, that maybe she doesn't realize you are dealing with their BS drama all day while she is gone at work? I would have a talk with her and explain that you feel like you are walking on eggshells and it is time to kick the roomates out, give them 60 days notice to vacate....


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## BusterPosey (Aug 25, 2012)

I wish I could kick them out; sadly, we are on a joint lease.
We don't need THEM specifically, but we do need roommates at this point in time. We are on a waiting list for reduced income housing, and cannot afford any other place on our own. At least. not quite yet. 

I do have to deal with the roommates nonsense quite a lot more than my wife does, and I am OK with that. I would rather take the brunt of the annoyances if it meant she is happy. However, some things they do can get to her, and I'm always the one to face the latent anger. 

I feel like all I want to do is be OK with her, and that she could just tell me how she feels when she's upset instead of simply expressing she's upset with shouting and name calling. I deal with their crap, and when I need to talk about it, that's what I do. I don't get pissed at anybody; not even the roommates, really. I just need to let it out, and I feel like that's what she needs to do to calm down. 

As far as I know, she is still upset with me. She will usually give me a call or send a text after about 2-3 hours of work, and it's been that long already. I'm not necessarily worried about my marriage failing because of this problem, but I do see how it can be a stepping stone.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

BusterPosey said:


> I wish I could kick them out; sadly, we are on a joint lease.
> We don't need THEM specifically, but we do need roommates at this point in time. We are on a waiting list for reduced income housing, and cannot afford any other place on our own. At least. not quite yet.
> 
> I do have to deal with the roommates nonsense quite a lot more than my wife does, and I am OK with that. I would rather take the brunt of the annoyances if it meant she is happy. However, some things they do can get to her, and I'm always the one to face the latent anger.
> ...


Can you find a job that will allow you to afford daycare and your own place? Reason I ask is because this dynamic will never work. Before I got married I tried it with my own brother and his now wife and it was a nightmare. Grown people in one house with a baby must be rough.


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## BusterPosey (Aug 25, 2012)

I've been attempting to get a job since we decided to move into this place with the roommates. I haven't been able to acquire one. The economy is pretty rough, so it seems.
I think in the last week alone, I've submitted my resume over 40 times.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

Sry man way off topic but....Go Giants! Good luck with your situation.


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