# Was this her masturbating?



## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Earlier today my wife is lying on her back on the bed with her head propped up with some pillows. She had her right leg folded so that her foot was close to her rear and her knee was pointed to the ceiling. Her left foot was also folded but her knee was closer to the bed. Her left toes were tucked in between her right calf and her right thigh. Her heal was against her crotch. She was wearing shorts and panties. She rubbed her heal across her crotch as she was typing on a lap top computer (that was sitting on her stomach). She rubbed her crotch for a while, but she did not seem to get excited or anything.

My question is, was this masturbation or not? Or was this just a comfortable spot and something to do with the heal of her foot?

Anybody else seen something like this? Or done something like this?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're overthinking this way too much. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Ask her......hard to picture all of what you described.

Besides, who cares, if it made her feel good......go nuts. I say, whatever floats her boat!!!


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Itchy? Crabs?


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Probably right .. over thinking this too much. I was just trying to learn more about her sexuality .. she is not very vocal about it.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

of course she was, but so?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

what were you doing, watching through a peep hole?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

fightforher said:


> Probably right .. over thinking this too much. I was just trying to learn more about her sexuality .. she is not very vocal about it.


Why didn't you ask her if she was feeling good? My hubs would have teased me by saying "Oh looks like your enjoying rubbing yourself with your heel....feels good huh?"


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

I was wondering because we talked about masturbation a while back and she said she did not. So I felt confused seeing this.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

To continue my thoughts... It probably felt good. But was it "masturbating"? Guess that depends what you mean. I doubt she was going to suddenly start panting and crying out "oh my god!!!" It's not likely that was going to replace an orgasm with you. If anything, it might have made her more receptive to your advances. 

But seriously... Haven't you ever found yourself rubbing your junk when you're laying in bed, watching tv or reading a book? It's no biggie. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Itchy? Crabs?


No not crabs. Itchy perhaps. So that is one possibility.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

fightforher said:


> Earlier today my wife is lying on her back on the bed with her head propped up with some pillows. She had her right leg folded so that her foot was close to her rear and her knee was pointed to the ceiling. Her left foot was also folded but her knee was closer to the bed. Her left toes were tucked in between her right calf and her right thigh. Her heal was against her crotch. She was wearing shorts and panties. She rubbed her heal across her crotch as she was typing on a lap top computer (that was sitting on her stomach). She rubbed her crotch for a while, but she did not seem to get excited or anything.
> 
> My question is, was this masturbation or not? Or was this just a comfortable spot and something to do with the heal of her foot?
> 
> Anybody else seen something like this? Or done something like this?


Not masturbation but definitely something that feels good to her. Rubbing her crotch can release chemicals in the brain that relaxes her and makes her feel good. The same can be done with the penis. I've caught myself alone rubbing my shaft or pinching my head area of the shaft for no reason. I wasn't masturbating, jerking off, or trying to orgasm. It just relaxed me.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

fightforher said:


> I was wondering because we talked about masturbation a while back and she said she did not. So I felt confused seeing this.


Is she on the sexually timid side? Maybe she is to shy to share her masturbation thoughts with you..IDK...???:scratchhead:


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

I was on the bed with her, but my feet were to her head, so I had a good view. 

I was too afraid to say anything. I did not want to disturb her if she was enjoying herself. If it was nothing, then she would accuse me of only having one thing on my mind.

Now I regret my silence. I feel bad about my communication with her. And I feel embarrassed that I post to a forum when I should have been asking my wife. My bad. But sometimes I find it hard to communicate about sex with her. Now I am feeling crummy. 

And no, she did not seem to get excited at all. Making me believe that it was literally nothing.

We have not had sex for over a week and I have been turned down multiple times. But I don't believe that she is masturbating instead of having sex with me - unless this was it?


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Fight, you are very honest here. You should try that with her. So honest it's touching.

She wasn't masturbating instead of having sex with you. It's just something that probably relaxes her. She probably didn't know she was even doing it.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Coldie said:


> Not masturbation but definitely something that feels good to her. Rubbing her crotch can release chemicals in the brain that relaxes her and makes her feel good. The same can be done with the penis. I've caught myself alone rubbing my shaft or pinching my head area of the shaft for no reason. I wasn't masturbating, jerking off, or trying to orgasm. It just relaxed me.


Well, that makes sense. She has been under some stress lately and probably needs something that relaxes her.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I wouldn't mention it to her at all. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

She is on the timid side. Masturbation is not something she would admit to. She has even said that "even if I did masturbate I would not tell you." (that one hurt only because it puts some distance between us).

And yes, it is possible that she was unaware of what she was doing. I have seen something like this once or twice before, but it was very short. This one was longer. Perhaps it was partially driven by the fact that she was tired (little sleep last night) and the stress from work. Could have been one of those things like biting on a pen or something.

I have a hard time communicating with her on things like this. I should not, I have nothing to lose. But somehow I feel scared to bring it up. Also, privacy is an issue - we have nosy kids and the older teenager .. well she butts into every conversation and can show up at the most inopportune times.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Get your penis tested for athlete's foot right away


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Coldie said:


> Fight, you are very honest here. You should try that with her. So honest it's touching.
> 
> She wasn't masturbating instead of having sex with you. It's just something that probably relaxes her. She probably didn't know she was even doing it.


Or it was her very subtle way of showing you she's in the mood. Perhaps even subconsciously. I mean, your head was down at that end, she wasn't hiding it.

But I agree with most here, probably nothing. Do you know what she was reading? Maybe it subconsciously turned her on?

Regardless, I would have jumped her... I mean, if it was a subconscious thing on her part, then use it to awaken her consciousness! A huge part of our sexuality lies there, where it's not always apparent!

If my wife saw me playing with myself and I wasn't even aware of it, and possibly not even thinking sexual thoughts, I certainly wouldn't oppose her lending a helping hand! My mind is already halfway there, right? 

I mean, most of us guys wake up with "morning wood", right? I've woken up with my hand on it before, obviously having had a sexual dream of some sort. But in my awakened state, there are no sexual thoughts. And I admit I've "finished what I started" because, hey, why not?


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

really really reaching here.

just ask her. or just come in and assist and see what she does.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

fightforher said:


> She has even said that "even if I did masturbate I would not tell you."


That's her way of saying she masturbates.

It's also her way of saying she isn't comfortable communicating intimate thoughts and feelings with you.

It's also her way of saying there are problems here.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

alexm said:


> Or it was her very subtle way of showing you she's in the mood. Perhaps even subconsciously. I mean, your head was down at that end, she wasn't hiding it.
> 
> But I agree with most here, probably nothing. Do you know what she was reading? Maybe it subconsciously turned her on?
> 
> ...


lol, I just spit out my drink halfway through this response.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

next time you see this behavior, use your lips on her nipples to "help her along"


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Honestly, from your description she sounds like a contortionist. I'm having a hard time even picturing getting into that position.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I think that masturbation normally ends in orgasm.
Thus, it was not masturbation.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Coldie said:


> lol, I just spit out my drink halfway through this response.


Because?


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Maybe her foot was itching?

:rofl:

Just teasing 

Maybe it was just a subconscious thing she was doing?...


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Honestly, from your description she sounds like a contortionist. I'm having a hard time even picturing getting into that position.


I just tried it. Pulled a hamstring.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

*Re: Re: Was this her masturbating?*



happy as a clam said:


> Honestly, from your description she sounds like a contortionist. I'm having a hard time even picturing getting into that position.


I had no problem picturing it myself because I've done that position before minus the heel rubbing.

Us girls hold onto our "junk" too for lack of a desire to use a less derogatory term.

Heck, we hang onto our boobs the way you boys sometimes hang onto your [email protected] for that matter.

(Sorry in an odd mood today it seems)


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

fightforher said:


> She is on the timid side. Masturbation is not something she would admit to. She has even said that "even if I did masturbate I would not tell you." (that one hurt only because it puts some distance between us).


Do it yourself and tell her about it.

Do it while she watches.

Help her do it to you.

Play with her and ask her to help you out.

Don't get hurt, but open your relationship up about this if that's what you want to do. I mean, you have some of the best toys in the known universe, they're meant to be played with.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

alexm said:


> Or it was her very subtle way of showing you she's in the mood. Perhaps even subconsciously. I mean, your head was down at that end, she wasn't hiding it.
> 
> But I agree with most here, probably nothing. Do you know what she was reading? Maybe it subconsciously turned her on?
> 
> ...


Subconscious? Perhaps. Certainly not what she was reading, she was trying to turn on vacation mode on her email. :lol:

There was not much time to jump her. She had woken up early to get to work early. So if I had done anything .. I would have been turned down due to lack of time.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

lenzi said:


> That's her way of saying she masturbates.
> 
> It's also her way of saying she isn't comfortable communicating intimate thoughts and feelings with you.
> 
> It's also her way of saying there are problems here.


So, you think she does masturbate? 

She is not very comfortable communicating intimate thoughts. What I have got so far is: would not admit to masturbating with hints that she might have tried it a few times. That she has no fantasies. And that she has no desires to try something new. And that she rarely thinks about sex.

Yes, there are problems. I want to work on them. I want to know and understand her more.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> next time you see this behavior, use your lips on her nipples to "help her along"


Wish I could have. Time was so limited. If I had even tried that I would have been blasted. There just was no time.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Honestly, from your description she sounds like a contortionist. I'm having a hard time even picturing getting into that position.


:rofl: I was wondering if anybody was going to use the contortionist word. No, she is Norma flexibility. She was just using her heal against her crotch and using the free leg to help hold her foot in place. My first description is just confusing.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

marduk said:


> Do it yourself and tell her about it.
> 
> Do it while she watches.
> 
> ...


I do wish to open it up. 

From previous conversations about masturbation I have found the following:

1) she sees masturbation is what single teenage boys do. Not necessarily grown men.
2) some women might, but not many.
3) that married people should not unless they are apart from one another for a while.
4) I should not masturbate if we have had sex recently. Even if she has just left on a business trip for a few weeks.
5) it makes her feel degraded - like she is just a piece of meat.

This is one of the reasons I was questioning if it was masturbation or not. If it was, then perhaps things are different than she stated earlier.

I feel very confused now. I don't fully understand her. I can't seem to read what she wants or what I can do to help her.

Another thing she did recently was to trim her hair. She has never done that before - or if she did, she left it so long it was not even noticeable. She could not even tell me when she trimmed it. I noticed it immediately when I touched her (I.e. First time being intimate after she came back from a trip). When I asked her when she trimmed it, she would not tell me.

Yes, I want more communication, and to feel more relaxed talking about these things with her. But due to time constraints, it is difficult to connect with her.


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## johny1989 (May 21, 2014)

May be she was.. and if you have any problem with that then ask her..


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

What your wife says and what she really thinks are probably not the same.

Look at it this way. These are all opportunities for you to say what you think.

From previous conversations about masturbation I have found the following:

1) she sees masturbation is what single teenage boys do. Not necessarily grown men.
*
"Men are sexual". If they don't have sex, they will masturbate. Or worse.*

3) that married people should not unless they are apart from one another for a while.

*"If a married person is not sexually fulfilled in their marriage, they will masturbate or they will cheat or they will get a divorce."
*
4) I should not masturbate if we have had sex recently. Even if she has just left on a business trip for a few weeks.
*
"If we had sex every day, I probably would not masturbate. You game?"
*
5) it makes her feel degraded - like she is just a piece of meat.

*"A marriage is a sexual relationship. Sex between us is an act of love. I want you becuase I want to connect with you at a deep emotional level."*

She's throwing out tests. You have to answer them in such a way that it is hard to argue with your logic. I.e. Marriages are sexual. Who could argue with that?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

How long have you two been married?

Has she always been an enigma? She sounds very uptight.
What was her upbringing?


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

:We have been married for 14.98 years :lol: - anniversary is just around the corner. 

No religious hang ups to speak of. But he parents do not seem to be affectionate. So I wonder if this is part of it? 

Some of her evasiveness about masturbation might be from when I was questioned about it ... And I lied and played it down. As in any lie, the truth began to trickle out with more questions. My bad, I know I messed up. Wish I had not. But I was afraid of being judged by her, and I guess I was judged by her.

I know a lot of you guys/gals are saying "so what, what difference does it make?" But I just wanted to know if this could be masturbation or not. And I wanted to know because I wanted to be part of her inner circle of people that she would share her sexuality with. I just wanted to understand her more and get closer.

Oh well, I guess it does not make any difference anyhow. It is not like it was an invitation to jump her or something.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

fightforher said:


> :We have been married for 14.98 years :lol: - anniversary is just around the corner.
> 
> No religious hang ups to speak of. But he parents do not seem to be affectionate. So I wonder if this is part of it?
> 
> ...




Yes, yes, yes it was....she was rubbing her area with her heel...and you watched...that is your WIFE!!! If my husband watched me do that he would have picked me up over his shoulder and bedded me.....


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

fightforher said:


> I do wish to open it up.
> 
> From previous conversations about masturbation I have found the following:
> 
> ...


Get her some reading material that explains that masturbation is what healthy adults - male and female - do. It is probably not constructive to brow-beat her into admitting that she masturbates, but you should be firm with her about your own habits. No-one has the right to tell you that you can't pleasure yourself.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

over20 said:


> Yes, yes, yes it was....she was rubbing her area with her heel...and you watched...that is your WIFE!!! If my husband watched me do that he would have picked me up over his shoulder and bedded me.....


Oh, do you think she was asking for sex? She had a time constraint. She did not want me to touch her at the time because she needed to finish what she was doing on the computer and run into the office.

I am so confused. The more I think, the more I don't know, the less understanding I feel.

Perhaps she wanted sex, but did not have time for it, so she was just giving herself so pleasure while she had a chance? Oh, too much speculation.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Hum, reading material? That's a idea. Not sure how she would react to this at all. Scarry.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

fightforher said:


> Oh, do you think she was asking for sex? She had a time constraint. She did not want me to touch her at the time because she needed to finish what she was doing on the computer and run into the office.
> 
> I am so confused. The more I think, the more I don't know, the less understanding I feel.
> 
> Perhaps she wanted sex, but did not have time for it, so she was just giving herself so pleasure while she had a chance? Oh, too much speculation.


Why would you put up with that? So she can tease you, but then say no because of a time/work constraint? Do you do the same to her?:scratchhead: and if you do, what is her response?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

When I do something like what you described OP, it means nothing and is not even close to masturbating. I'm pretty sure if you bring it up, you will be sorry, because she won't even know what you are talking about and she will turn it around to "is everything about sex to you?"

If she is so closed off about even talking about MB, why would she be laying there doing it right in front of you and "hoping" you'd make a move? Not very likely. What is more likely is that although it looked to you like she was "rubbing", she was likely just stretching her legs and not even paying attention to her heel or her mound.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Lot's of people are shy about masturbation. I don't tell my wife I do it because she thinks it's a waste of come that should be saved for the wife. She believes that if i really need it i should come to her and she would not deny me.
But sometimes, It's late and she's busy and I don't feel like bothering her. I only do once or twice a week cause I try to save it for her. My wife claims she never masturbates because she tried it over the years and was never able to get off. Hmmmm?

So, if that theory is right, then some people just are ashamed of the idea. Probably your wife too. I do get your curiosity though....


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

My vote is with the group that says she wasn't masturbating


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Faithful Wife said:


> What is more likely is that although it looked to you like she was "rubbing", she was likely just stretching her legs and not even paying attention to her heel or her mound.


I am confused though, if she was rubbing her heel against her mound, then how is that NOT sexual act?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there supposed to be something like 8,000 nerve endings for pleasure around those parts? And I don't mean the heel.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> When I do something like what you described OP, it means nothing and is not even close to masturbating. *I'm pretty sure if you bring it up, you will be sorry,* because she won't even know what you are talking about and she will turn it around to "is everything about sex to you?"
> 
> If she is so closed off about even talking about MB, why would she be laying there doing it right in front of you and "hoping" you'd make a move? Not very likely. What is more likely is that although it looked to you like she was "rubbing", she was likely just stretching her legs and not even paying attention to her heel or her mound.


I agree. I should not bring it up. I am sure that it will turn into "I am sex crazed, wanting it all the time and turning everything into sex thoughts."

Still, it was a tease. 

I don't believe I ever tease her. If I have denied her, it was only because I'd did not read the hint until it was too late.


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

fightforher said:


> :No religious hang ups to speak of. But he parents do not seem to be affectionate. So I wonder if this is part of it?
> .


I've wondered if my wife's families lack of demonstrated affection (including hugging) had to do with my wife's issues. Much of you're descriptions of your wife mirror mine also.

My wife's family is not affectionate at all. I was just noticing that again recently when we were with her family and as they were leaving there was only 1 hug shared between any of them and it was a completely lame hug at that. No body closeness at all, just half timid arm hug with 2 pats on the back, then separate.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

4x4 said:


> I've wondered if my wife's families lack of demonstrated affection (including hugging) had to do with my wife's issues. Much of you're descriptions of your wife mirror mine also.
> 
> My wife's family is not affectionate at all. I was just noticing that again recently when we were with her family and as they were leaving there was only 1 hug shared between any of them and it was a completely lame hug at that. No body closeness at all, just half timid arm hug with 2 pats on the back, then separate.


I don't recall ever seeing a hug, or even a touch between her parents. I don't recall even an arm around for even a picture. 

She is very aware of the kids and makes sure that we don't touch in front of the kids. She tells me that if we touch in front of the kids it will send a message to our daughter that being affectionate is public is ok, and when she has a boy friend "do I want to see that?"

As for what I thought might have been masturbation, seems more like a nervous habit. I have caught her multiple times rubbing her heal to her crotch. But it seems that it is just a nervous habit like twirling hair, biting nails, or chewing on a pen.

I feel a bit dissapointed. I was hoping it was more, and that she had some part of her that enjoyed it and got pleasure out of it.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

fightforher said:


> I don't recall ever seeing a hug, or even a touch between her parents. I don't recall even an arm around for even a picture.
> 
> She is very aware of the kids and makes sure that we don't touch in front of the kids. She tells me that if we touch in front of the kids it will send a message to our daughter that being affectionate is public is ok, and when she has a boy friend "do I want to see that?"
> 
> ...




Do you agree with your wife about the "non touching" around the kids? :scratchhead: I am just asking because I have read that when kids see their parents hug and kiss it sends a POSITIVE message to them, a reassuring message that mommy and daddy love each other very much. It would create a nice memory of their parents relationship.

Of course I don't mean the whole hugs with groping, rubbing and kisses with tongues hanging out.....:rofl:

Although I do have to laugh, my husband and I will give each other a soft "love smack" on the rear from time to time and our teens, of course, yell out "Gross!!" :rofl::rofl:


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

over20 said:


> Do you agree with your wife about the "non touching" around the kids? :scratchhead: I am just asking because I have read that when kids see their parents hug and kiss it sends a POSITIVE message to them, a reassuring message that mommy and daddy love each other very much. It would create a nice memory of their parents relationship.
> 
> Of course I don't mean the whole hugs with groping, rubbing and kisses with tongues hanging out.....:rofl:
> 
> Although I do have to laugh, my husband and I will give each other a soft "love smack" on the rear from time to time and our teens, of course, yell out "Gross!!" :rofl::rofl:


I have no problem with it. I would rather touch, kiss and hug in front of the kids. My parents did. I don't even recall thinking it was gross or anything. It was just something married people do.

When it bothers me the most is when she comes back from a long trip and I get nothing .. sometimes for days. Even a handshake would be nice.


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## HisMrs83 (Aug 8, 2011)

The other night, I laid in front of the tv naked and rubbed/groped myself. My H watched. I knew he would. THAT is masturbating. Your W was comfortable and typing on her laptop.


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

fightforher said:


> Earlier today my wife is lying on her back on the bed with her head propped up with some pillows. She had her right leg folded so that her foot was close to her rear and her knee was pointed to the ceiling. Her left foot was also folded but her knee was closer to the bed. Her left toes were tucked in between her right calf and her right thigh. Her heal was against her crotch. She was wearing shorts and panties. She rubbed her heal across her crotch as she was typing on a lap top computer (that was sitting on her stomach). She rubbed her crotch for a while, but she did not seem to get excited or anything.
> 
> My question is, was this masturbation or not? Or was this just a comfortable spot and something to do with the heal of her foot?
> 
> Anybody else seen something like this? Or done something like this?


Did she have a belt sander in her right hand?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

fightforher said:


> I have no problem with it. I would rather touch, kiss and hug in front of the kids. My parents did. I don't even recall thinking it was gross or anything. It was just something married people do.
> 
> When it bothers me the most is when she comes back from a long trip and I get nothing .. sometimes for days. Even a handshake would be nice.


Sounds like there is something else going on then. You have mentioned time constraints and stressors....and now long trips....do you suspect anything else? Does she notice this as a problem in your marriage as well? I mean lack of affection on her part.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

over20 said:


> Sounds like there is something else going on then. You have mentioned time constraints and stressors....and now long trips....do you suspect anything else? Does she notice this as a problem in your marriage as well? I mean lack of affection on her part.


She is ambitious, and wants to further her carrier. Hence the long hours and trips etc. 

If you are inferring that she is having an affair, I seriously doubt that. There is no supporting evidence.

Does she see a problem? Good question. I think that the answer is yes. But her willingness to set aside time to work on problems is limited. I will have to listen more to see what she perceives the problems are. I probably need to be a better listener if I have shuch a hard time answering such a simple question.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Nikita2270 said:


> Did she have a belt sander in her right hand?


:lol: what are you thinking about?


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

HisMrs83 said:


> The other night, I laid in front of the tv naked and rubbed/groped myself. My H watched. I knew he would. THAT is masturbating. Your W was comfortable and typing on her laptop.


Yup, she was just comfortable.

If she did what you describe, I would classify it as masturbation. And I would also conclude that she wanted me to get all excited. Your H is very lucky. Is this something you do often?


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