# Question that has been in the back of my mind...



## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

Situation:

Husband left Wife of 2 years for the ex girlfriend that he cared about before the wife. Wife left him in order for him to go and explore his feelings and move on. Wife and Husband had a "happy" relationship and were very comfortable with each other but the Husband wanted to see if there were better things out there, specially with his ex (who is giving him a chance).

Question:

How many of you think that when a husband leaves a "happy" relationship for an ex, or another woman, he will want to go back to Wife. and if he does go back to Wife, how long do you think it would take?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Husband thinks he will be happier with ex so left wife & may never come back so wife should move on (divorce) & find a new husband.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

She is an "ex" for a reason.

If wife takes him back, it will be a short time before he needs to go explore something else, because there is no consequenses.


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## s.k (Feb 27, 2010)

sorry to say but husband should have done his exploring before he got married


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

You would be dumb to take someone like that back. It's time to move on.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

s.k said:


> sorry to say but husband should have done his exploring before he got married


devils advocate: and if you don't you are just screwed?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

gbrad said:


> devils advocate: and if you don't you are just screwed?


Yes, and not in a good way....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

gbrad said:


> devils advocate: and if you don't you are just screwed?


If you don't understand what a lifelong committed marriage is, then why say "I do"?


I think wife played it like a chump, she should have told her husband to stop having an EA and that he should choose immediately if he wanted to be married or be with his ex girlfriend. If he chose the ex, divorce time, if he chose to stay married, MC and transparency time. Definitely shouldn't wait around for the guy to come back.

Husband is an idiot and is going to end up being a serial cheater, because he thinks it's ok to go play the field when married, and had the balls to bring it up to his wife and actually go through with it.

Timing? I don't know, 1-6 months? If the wife is in the background as a backup plan it could go on longer, if she moves on and husband needs the ex for 100% of his emotional support, it will speed up the process (I've seen on these boards the day the wife or husband says they're done, the affair relationship goes sour). If husband is allowed to cake eat, what reason does he have to end it with the ex?

Anyway there's a difference between happy and healthy. They may have been "happy" but this relationship was not healthy.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

As soon as the "honeymoon" is over, he will remember the reason he left his ex. He will, more than likely, be begging to come back. 

What is it that he is missing in his second wife, that he thinks he will find in his first?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

sorry didn't see the first one come up.

Also, do you mean comfortable when you say happy marriage?


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

the funny thing is that I had already given him a second chance because he chose me over her. Then on his birthday he woke up with a horrible mood and when I asked him what was wrong, he plainly said "the thing that I wanna do the most I cant do it because Im tied down"...I immediately told him that it was time for a divorce. I moved out that same day and immediately initiated the NC rule. I don't want this guy back but it hurts so much after what I thought was a great relationship.

My reasons for the break up...simply that I was no ones second option and that I can do way better than him.

By a "happy" marriage I mean comfortable yes because I was indeed unhappy. I knew that he wasnt the person that I wanted to spend my whole life with but I do love him.

By the way, he KNEW that if he did it a second time, it was over for him and I. He knows that I will never go back no matter how hard he tried, that when I said enough, it was enough. So he knows he doesnt have me as an option at all.

She's an ex because as he told me, he used to always play her and he never tried to make it work so now he wants to make it work. idiot I tell you.

And ladies and gents...you couldnt have said it better. I'm hurting though because what if they really do try it and it works out...urgh i will be devastated to know that they were each others "ones"...makes me sick.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Sounds like they deserve eachother.

In time you will not care. I know you're hurting now but this guy is a dumba$$. You can do better. You'll hear it said again, but there are good MEN out there who actually WANT to be a good husband and love you and treat you right. You're going to find one of them, and you're going to thank your toolbag husband for being such an idiot that you didn't waste a decade of your life with him, churning out babies along the way.

You got out easy, consider yourself lucky. Don't short circuit the hard times, the initial pain. The more you absorb and accept the hard times, the sooner you will start to feel peace and joy.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Why do people believe that if a relationship ends, it was a waste. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Things in our life happen for a reason and make us who we are.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

Try not to compare or think about the others or reasons behind everything you both did and said. The past is painful because what is good cannot be relived and what is bad just lingers on if we don't put the past behind us. Live in the present and consider how many new, fresh options you have. Thank God you weren't further along in life. You did the right thing for you it seems from above.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

COguy said:


> Sounds like they deserve eachother. You're going to find one of them, and you're going to thank your toolbag husband for being such an idiot that you didn't waste a decade of your life with him, churning out babies along the way.


:allhail:

Thank you, that made me feel so much better


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

Maybe his ex is setting him up so she can play him now? Either consiously or subconsiously. Did you ever have a guy break up with you and even though you didn't want him back you wanted him to want you back? Maybe she wants him back to see if she could actually "win" this time and once that winning high is over she'll kick him to the curb? But it doesn't matter because you are brilliant enough to know that he is not worth YOUR time and effort ever again! Kudos to you for seeing that and believing that!! Even if his ex is "the one" then all he is doing is opening the window for you to find your "one"! I think you'll be thanking him one day.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

MSGarcia000, perhaps you are asking the wrong question. 

Here's a better more healthy one: 

Why would the wife want him back, if his experiment with prior GF does not pan out?

I don't think it would be wise for the wife to EVER have him back. And why whould she? If she does, what does that say about her?


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

I doubt shes setting him up....she wanted him to be with me. On the day that he "chose" me, she had told him that she wanted to try things with him but he told her no. Like, why would u choose me when u still think about her urgh...

I feel so angry!! Im ok but i have so much anger towards him for doing that to me. Hes an ass.


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

WalterWhite said:


> MSGarcia000, perhaps you are asking the wrong question.
> 
> Here's a better more healthy one:
> 
> ...


I will never take him back. NEVER. I have come to terms that we will never be together as a couple again. I would never trust him again. But I want him to come back so that I can tell him that he would never have such a woman like me.:lol:


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

msgarcia000 said:


> I will never take him back. NEVER. I have come to terms that we will never be together as a couple again. I would never trust him again. But I want him to come back so that I can tell him that he would never have such a woman like me.:lol:


I don't get that. If you loved him at one point, don't you want him to be happy? Instead you want him to come back just so you can tell him no?


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## msgarcia000 (Aug 7, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I don't get that. If you loved him at one point, don't you want him to be happy? Instead you want him to come back just so you can tell him no?


yes or so I thought when I posted this.

i had mixed emotions until i cried it out and decided that i wont care what he does or doesnt do with his life. I will treat him like another stranger and for some reason, since he got back with his ex so quick, im starting to think they were seeing each other behind my back but I wont dwell on that.

Kudos to him for leaving such a wonderful woman like myself...hey, there is a man out there that deserves it all


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

msgarcia000 said:


> yes or so I thought when I posted this.
> 
> i had mixed emotions until i cried it out and decided that i wont care what he does or doesnt do with his life. I will treat him like another stranger and for some reason, since he got back with his ex so quick, im starting to think they were seeing each other behind my back but I wont dwell on that.
> 
> Kudos to him for leaving such a wonderful woman like myself...hey, there is a man out there that deserves it all


I think you're right on both accounts. That he was seeing her before (definitely an EA at least), and that there is a man out there that deserves it all!

Don't worry, you'll have your bad days, but they'll pass and you'll be grateful for it all one day. Just make sure you learn and grow from it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

msgarcia000 said:


> Situation:
> 
> Husband left Wife of 2 years for the ex girlfriend that he cared about before the wife. Wife left him in order for him to go and explore his feelings and move on. Wife and Husband had a "happy" relationship and were very comfortable with each other but the Husband wanted to see if there were better things out there, specially with his ex (who is giving him a chance).
> 
> ...


Don't take offense but maybe the husband did experience his marriage as a "happy" one. Ultimately he ended up leaving because he thought the grass was greener. Some spouses leave and never look back and others leave and regret their choice dreadfully.

The point is: grass is always better where you water it. No relationship is good w/o working to make it good (bot parties have to work at it).

I can tell you that you are right--you deserve better. If he does try to come back, do not open the door. He had his chance with you and clearly did not appreciate your relationship. If he is fickle in his commitments, then he will probably do the same to his ex.

How long would it take for someone who was coming back to come back? It's based on the individual. Some never go back. Some come back in 6 months--20 years.

I wouldn't wait for him. He made his choice. Let her have him. You don't want him as is. I wouldn't.


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