# 22 years later...its becoming war of the rose reality



## jamjar58 (May 7, 2010)

Met my husband at 15 and lived together since then, married for 12 together for 22. He didnt work for the the 1st 10 years of our relationship, and a lot of damage emotionally was done to me, as I saw him through rose tinted niave glasses back then. I had our 1st child at 26 and 2nd at 33 years old. 

We are used to each other like a bad habit I am sad to say sometimes. 

But he comes from family that (mother mainly) taught him never to lift a damn finget in the home, and took me years to "house train" him. This has left me with what feels like a "3rd" child. we have always had a good sex life, and feel sometimes that this has kept us together riding through the many bad years. I still love him, but not the same kind of love. He admits to his wrong that damaged the start of the relationship. And is a good father. 

I got cancer two years ago, in remission now, but for the 1st time he was forced to be homekeeper, sole provider of food/activitys for the kids/bathing/bedtimes etc. + running the household and looking after me for 2 long long years. He done a great job, but crashed at the end a lot of pressure, I admired his strenght. And recognised the entirity of what it takes to runs a home and family. I felt unaprecaited.

We can stop *****ing at each other constantly, its now so bad we are doing it in front of the kids (I cannot beleive what i am typing) we have no respect me more for him. Kids, Life, Money, Bad History, Your parents, EVREYTHING! I want my children to have both parents raise them in a positive house hold, but depression is setting in ....dispite evreything I still love him and him me


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## jamjar58 (May 7, 2010)

I cant breath without him but feel suffocated in total disopair. We have no family help, just us 2, so should be pulling together. The pressures of daily life can be a added drain with no family help. I dont know what to do, I feel a faliure, my marraige, has to many years invested to lose by just walking away, I am drowing in depression and cant see a way out...I so want the kids to be happy, have a happy life memories.


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## ADM (Apr 12, 2010)

Hello Jamjar58,

I am sorry to read you are in despair. There is however so many good and positive points. I personally wouldn't mind he is not so good in housekeeping if the rest is ok. The most important would be the respect he is showing in other ways and the position you have not only in his heart but also on his life. Imagine a life in a clean house but with no dignity. Imagine a life with someone that folds all clothes and keeps everything tight but you don't like very much sexually. Imagine a life with someone who cooks, does the grocery shopping and cleans the windows but is not a good father, or doesn't care much about them. Imagine a life with a tidy house but with a liar...

Of course, this is my way of seeing a relationship, not yours. I was just trying to bring it to another perspective...and yet, you tell it yourself, he was great during the time you had to go through cancer...does that count?

My husband did lots of stuff for me, he made me my coffee and brought it to my bad every morning. He arranged it all...he was a man who knew how to fix everything, did the grocery shopping, through the garbage, oppened me the door of the car.... but he missed me respect, lied, manipulated to me...he reported me to the police and the next night he seduced me...how about this?


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