# It really does get better



## NoMoreTears4me

I didn't want to believe it. My life was over. I hit rock bottom. I truly did not want to carry on.

Read my posts. You will see that I was in a dark place.

Although I am not out of wilderness completely I feel so much better.

I have a date Saturday night with a girl I met and talk to all the time now. Just the female attention has given me hope for the future.

Life is good! Don't dwell on the past. If I can get a date and find a little slice of being happy then ANYONE can. And I do mean that.... ANYONE. Im not special.

I feel like a man again. I have not found my happy place but I can see that its there now.

For those in the darkest hours right now. Keep your chin up. One step at a time. Its a long journey that we will always be on. But you can and will be happy again.


----------



## Pluto2

I know when you first posted, you NEVER believed you feel the way you do today. I'm very happy for you. Have fun on the date and give us some post-game analysis.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

I need some cologne advice!


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I need some cologne advice!


NOT Old Spice !!!!!!!!


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~

Your story is an inspiration for all of us who feel life is over after our divorce.

I applaud you :allhail:

Be Happy :smile2:

Have fun tomorrow night !!! :x

VH


----------



## Acoa

Glad to hear things are going well for you. I agree, it really does get better. 

When I made the decision to divorce my cheating XW I felt like things would stay crappy forever. Yes, there were some dark days, but nothing compared to the virtual h3!! I was living in prior to separating. 

Now my divorce seems like ancient history. I started dating again a year ago and have been exclusive with an amazing woman now the past 8.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> Teary ~
> 
> Your story is an inspiration for all of us who feel life is over after our divorce.
> 
> I applaud you :allhail:
> 
> Be Happy :smile2:
> 
> Have fun tomorrow night !!! :x
> 
> VH



Maybe I am rushing things and diving in to soon. But good lord im 44 years old. I should not have to wait to have fun and be happy. Im not looking for a wife or even sex. I want to have fun and be with someone cool.

That's not too much to ask right.


----------



## Holland

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Maybe I am rushing things and diving in to soon. But good lord im 44 years old. I should not have to wait to have fun and be happy. Im not looking for a wife or even sex. I want to have fun and be with someone cool.
> 
> That's not too much to ask right.


No, it's not too much to ask. This is your life, don't waste it.

Enjoy


----------



## Marc878

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I need some cologne advice!


Pick a good quality one that you like.

Use it sparingly. One shot to the chest and one hit only for the face/neck.

Don't drench yourself. Less is better here. If you want a second date >

Good luck grasshopper. 

PS: don't talk about the ex. Ask about her interests and LISTEN!!!


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Maybe I am rushing things and diving in to soon. But good lord im 44 years old. I should not have to wait to have fun and be happy. Im not looking for a wife or even sex. I want to have fun and be with someone cool.
> 
> That's not too much to ask right.


Teary ~

We are all happy :smile2: that you are happy !!! :smile2:

Oh, one thing, I don't think I would continue to refer to her as a "girl" even though she is a girl. i.e.: "I'm going out with a nice girl on Saturday night." You can use "girl" here on TAM but maybe you should refer to her as a "woman" when you are with her. 
i.e.: 'It's so nice to be out on a date with such a nice woman."

What do you think?

I think I'm watching way too much Cable. :slap:

VH


----------



## VeryHurt

Marc878 said:


> Pick a good quality one that you like.
> 
> Use it sparingly. One shot to the chest and one hit only for the face/neck.
> 
> Don't drench yourself. Less is better here. If you want a second date >
> 
> Good luck grasshopper.
> 
> PS: don't talk about the ex. Ask about her interests and LISTEN!!!


Mr. Mark ~
What is with the "splash on the chest?" :wink2:
VH


----------



## Marc878

VeryHurt said:


> Mr. Mark ~
> What is with the "splash on the chest?" :wink2:
> VH


One shot of cologne to the chest

I wear Izod Booster mainly, Polo blue


----------



## Ynot

Yes it does!


----------



## Marc878

Ok, what's your plan?

You know it has to be approved by us before you can go.


----------



## JohnA

I think the most important thing is just accept what it is. No more no less. Do not build it up to something it isn't. There will be bumps ahead. A few of them will cause you to bump your head on low laying beams. So right now "it's all good, it is what it is.


----------



## LBHmidwest

The cologne I use works 60% of the time every time....

GOOD LUCK!!! Hope Sat night goes well.


----------



## Voltaire2013

LBHmidwest said:


> The cologne I use works 60% of the time every time....
> 
> GOOD LUCK!!! Hope Sat night goes well.


I'm currently using 'For Gentlemen Only' by Givenchy. Cheesy name, excellent results. Also, Paco Rabanne 1 million seems to make the girls drool too. My wife calls the Givency cologne her 'come fsck me' scent. I think that's a good thing. ;-)

Cheers,
v(13)


----------



## Chuck71

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I didn't want to believe it. My life was over. I hit rock bottom. I truly did not want to carry on.
> 
> Read my posts. You will see that I was in a dark place.
> 
> Although I am not out of wilderness completely I feel so much better.
> 
> I have a date Saturday night with a girl I met and talk to all the time now. Just the female attention has given me hope for the future.
> 
> Life is good! Don't dwell on the past. If I can get a date and find a little slice of being happy then ANYONE can. And I do mean that.... ANYONE. Im not special.
> 
> I feel like a man again. I have not found my happy place but I can see that its there now.
> 
> For those in the darkest hours right now. Keep your chin up. One step at a time. Its a long journey that we will always be on. But you can and will be happy again.


Three years ago for me. It is always darkest before the dawn.

Nice that you already know your date 'somewhat'

Plan something which will inhibit communication, i.e. not the dinner / movie

Maybe something you like and give her an overview of it. She may not like what you do but

that's not the point, if she likes you and how you communicate..... where you're at doesn't matter. 

Be yourself...... smoke n mirrors are for 20somethings


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~

Thinkin' 'bout cha !!! :wink2:

VH


----------



## Threeblessings

Very inspirational. Thank you for sharing.


----------



## arbitrator

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I didn't want to believe it. My life was over. I hit rock bottom. I truly did not want to carry on.
> 
> Read my posts. You will see that I was in a dark place.
> 
> Although I am not out of wilderness completely I feel so much better.
> 
> I have a date Saturday night with a girl I met and talk to all the time now. Just the female attention has given me hope for the future.
> 
> Life is good! Don't dwell on the past. If I can get a date and find a little slice of being happy then ANYONE can. And I do mean that.... ANYONE. Im not special.
> 
> I feel like a man again. I have not found my happy place but I can see that its there now.
> 
> For those in the darkest hours right now. Keep your chin up. One step at a time. Its a long journey that we will always be on. But you can and will be happy again.


*Congratulations, NoMore! Proud of you!

Hope that I can shortly follow you in that endeavor! It's been a long time here!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Update: date went very well. We talked held hands and I got an amazing kiss at the end.

If smiles were worth money I would be a millionaire.


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Update: date went very well. We talked held hands and I got an amazing kiss at the end.
> 
> If smiles were worth money I would be a millionaire.


I have been waiting all day for this update :smile2:


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Update: date went very well. We talked held hands and I got an amazing kiss at the end.
> 
> If smiles were worth money I would be a millionaire.


What did you talk about?
Where did you have dinner?
Are you going out again?


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> I have been waiting all day for this update :smile2:



I had so much fun just holding hands in the theater it was amazing.

The kiss at the end was ... I can't describe it.

Remember when the grinchs heart grew 3 sizes. That was it.


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I had so much fun just holding hands in the theater it was amazing.
> 
> The kiss at the end was ... I can't describe it.
> 
> Remember when the grinchs heart grew 3 sizes. That was it.


I am happy for you. 

Well until the Dawgs hear about this. :laugh::laugh::laugh:


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> What did you talk about?
> Where did you have dinner?
> Are you going out again?


We talked about how I send her texts with song lyrics I like. We talked about practical jokes I play at work. We played a game with the nachos.

We drank a margarita.

We had Mexican food which is her favorite.

Then we saw a movie. It had scary parts and she would squeeze my hand and put her head on my shoulder. I would laugh it was so funny.

I whispered to her I had no idea what the movie was about and it needed way more scary parts.

Then I drove her back to the car when we kissed. It was just long enough. She asked me how to get back to the highway but I had no idea how to tell her cause I could not think. That kiss got into my head.

I'm home now and will text her later. I'm sure we will go back out


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Oh my god I am so happy right now


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Oh my god I am so happy right now


You are like a silly goofy freshman boy .....great feeling, huh?


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Oh my god I am so happy right now


This evening sure took your mind off the tatoo boob job cheater.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> You are like a silly goofy freshman boy .....great feeling, huh?



God yes


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> This evening sure took your mind off the tatoo boob job cheater.



Who?


----------



## VeryHurt

Your joy is making me smile. :smile2:
You ARE giddy that is for sure. 
Its so nice to see a postive happy post. 
You really should try to get some sleep. When i used to come home from a date, i would try to relive it in my thoughts. 
I look back on being in your shoes 33 years ago with my cheater stbx and i wonder, how the hell did things get to this?
I'm gonna get some shut eye and i'll post again in the morning. 
Sweet dreams Teary!


----------



## Marc878

So, there are much better out there!

You get it now, right?


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Marc878 said:


> So, there are much better out there!
> 
> You get it now, right?


I do


----------



## Ynot

NMT4M, I don't want to be a wet blanket, but I hope you are able to gain some perspective. I am happy that you are happy that you have found there are others out there. This is an important message to learn, in your post divorce dystopia. BUT, I hope that that is the real reason for your happiness. I hope your happiness is not due to the fact that you think you have found the "one". Take it slow, let it develop, don't think too much and just have fun. Try not to project some future right away. If you don't get a second date, there are plenty of others out there. The universe has an abundance all for your asking, if you are willing to accept it.
If I am out of line, please ignore and accept my apology.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Ynot said:


> NMT4M, I don't want to be a wet blanket, but I hope you are able to gain some perspective. I am happy that you are happy that you have found there are others out there. This is an important message to learn, in your post divorce dystopia. BUT, I hope that that is the real reason for your happiness. I hope your happiness is not due to the fact that you think you have found the "one". Take it slow, let it develop, don't think too much and just have fun. Try not to project some future right away. If you don't get a second date, there are plenty of others out there. The universe has an abundance all for your asking, if you are willing to accept it.
> If I am out of line, please ignore and accept my apology.


No it's ok. I am taking slow and it's ok if no second date

I had fun and I have another date next Friday with another girl .

I'm just having fun. No sex just fun


----------



## Ynot

NoMoreTears4me said:


> No it's ok. I am taking slow and it's ok if no second date
> 
> I had fun and I have another date next Friday with another girl .
> 
> I'm just having fun. No sex just fun


Good for you! I guess I just see so many, and I was guilty of it myself, of being so focused on the destination that they forgot to enjoy the journey!


----------



## Marc878

Sounds like euphoria from finding freedom at last. 

The unknown causes much anxiety. But once you get there it's like WTH took me so long!!!!!

Normal.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Marc878 said:


> Sounds like euphoria from finding freedom at last.
> 
> The unknown causes much anxiety. But once you get there it's like WTH took me do long!!!!!
> 
> Normal.


It is the polar opposite of where I was. I guess I still need to find the middle ground. Too much of any emotion is bad

But damn it did feel great.


----------



## Marc878

It's a pendellum swing. You were on the bad end then swung over to the exact opposite.

Time will bring you back to the middle. Enjoy the ride. 

But you'll probably swing back and forth a bit so expect that.


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~

You were so so so damn low for a long time, you were deceived and betrayed in the worst way by your damn friggin' wife who took off with another man and who made you feel like a piece of sh!t, so if you are on Cloud 9 today and high from a little attention which made you feel like a human being and man again, I say good for you !! :smile2:

Enjoy and bask in the euphoria even if it's for one day !!!!

VH


----------



## TeddieG

Voltaire2013 said:


> I'm currently using 'For Gentlemen Only' by Givenchy. Cheesy name, excellent results. Also, Paco Rabanne 1 million seems to make the girls drool too. My wife calls the Givency cologne her 'come fsck me' scent. I think that's a good thing. ;-)
> 
> Cheers,
> v(13)


I'm late to the discussion, but yeah, Paco Rabonne!!!! Since you have another upcoming date, and many more thereafter, I'm sure, maybe I'm NOT too late! LOL! Good for you, Teary!


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~

What's going on? Are you and your boys okay?

VH


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> Teary ~
> 
> What's going on? Are you and your boys okay?
> 
> VH


We are ok, why you ask? Just catching up?


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> We are ok, why you ask? Just catching up?


Ooops .........yes, just catching up. Geez, I saw I missed a lot.
I have been busy at my end preparing to go to Settlement battle with the idiot !!!!!!

VH


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> Ooops .........yes, just catching up. Geez, I saw I missed a lot.
> I have been busy at my end preparing to go to Settlement battle with the idiot !!!!!!
> 
> VH


Got ya... Yeah some things have changed some for me.

I decided I want to be more social and date a little. Some say im not ready and maybe that's true. But I am having fun


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Got ya... Yeah some things have changed some for me.
> 
> I decided I want to be more social and date a little. Some say im not ready and maybe that's true. But I am having fun


You're not ready?

I don't agree whatsoever !!!!!!!!!

How long does a mature adult have to wait to indulge in adult conversation, receive a little attention and be at the receiving end of some innocent affection AFTER they have been deprived and punished by their cold and cheating spouse ????????? 

You have my permission to date !!!!! :wink2:

VH


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> You're not ready?
> 
> I don't agree whatsoever !!!!!!!!!
> 
> How long does a mature adult have to wait to indulge in adult conversation, receive a little attention and be at the receiving end of some innocent affection AFTER they have been deprived and punished by their cold and cheating spouse ?????????
> 
> You have my permission to date !!!!! :wink2:
> 
> VH



I agree. As long as I go slow and don't jump head on into something without giving a lot of thought to where I have come from I should be ok. Right now I am enjoying the social aspect. There is no sex, just a little kissing, and holding hands.

Its all good


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I agree. As long as I go slow and don't jump head on into something without giving a lot of thought to where I have come from I should be ok. Right now I am enjoying the social aspect. There is no sex, just a little kissing, and holding hands.
> 
> Its all good



Hey Teary ~

Suck face all you want !!!!!!! :x:x:x:x:x:x:x:x:x

VH


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary
How about an update. 
VH


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> Teary
> How about an update.
> VH


Ok

Well I have went out with a total of 3 different women. The last we went out 4 nights in a row. She is so sweet. She came over last night to watch a movie and we ended up kissing. Oh my lord it was so nice.

She sat next to each other on the couch and enjoyed each other's company. I has taken me a full day to wipe the smile off my face.

She has her kids this coming week and so do i. So we can only text and call for a week. 

I feel so alive and happy these past few days.

Who am I?


----------



## Marc878

You are the guy who needs to forget their xWW's name.

Just call her Gertrude next time and say im sorry what was your name again?


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Had a great weekend. Every time I'm with her I cant believe how my life has changed. 

I look forward to seeing her again. 

When I see ole whats her name I feel nothing but pity. I have a very sweet women in my life, my kids love me, I have my home.... Life is good


----------



## Marc878

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Had a great weekend. Every time I'm with her I cant believe how my life has changed.
> 
> I look forward to seeing her again.
> 
> When I see ole whats her name I feel nothing but pity. I have a very sweet women in my life, my kids love me, I have my home.... Life is good


Show some respect. Her names Gertrude!!!!


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~

I am very happy for you. 

Reading your posts makes ME feel better! :smile2:

Please keep us updated on your social life !!

VH


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> Teary ~
> 
> I am very happy for you.
> 
> Reading your posts makes ME feel better! :smile2:
> 
> Please keep us updated on your social life !!
> 
> VH


Thanks

Well me and the new "girlfriend" are going out wed this week and Friday. Saturday she is coming over and spend the day with me. 

When we both have kids we stay apart. No kid introductions this early. But I see that happening in the next few months if things progress.

We text all the time and I feel like I am in high school again. Very weird. 

Im having so much fun and the only thing physical we have done is hold hands and a lot of kissing. She is so sweet and has a lot of the same values as me. 

Im not sure about the future right now but I am just enjoying the here and now.


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Thanks
> 
> Well me and the new "girlfriend" are going out wed this week and Friday. Saturday she is coming over and spend the day with me.
> 
> When we both have kids we stay apart. No kid introductions this early. But I see that happening in the next few months if things progress.
> 
> We text all the time and I feel like I am in high school again. Very weird.
> 
> Im having so much fun and the only thing physical we have done is hold hands and a lot of kissing. She is so sweet and has a lot of the same values as me.
> 
> Im not sure about the future right now but I am just enjoying the here and now.


Just have fun and enjoy !!!!!! :smile2:


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

What a weekend. Guys my life has gotten so much better. She came over this weekend and I cooked for her. She was amazed how God a cook I am. I love being around her. I feel so young and alive. Is it sad that at my age I have never been kissed like she kisses me?


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> What a weekend. Guys my life has gotten so much better. She came over this weekend and I cooked for her. She was amazed how God a cook I am. I love being around her. I feel so young and alive. Is it sad that at my age I have never been kissed like she kisses me?


Sad? Hell no!!! Just keep going !!! :x:x:x:x:x:x:x:x:x


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Ok this sounds so high school but here goes.

I have been with the same woman for 22 years. The new woman in my life is amazing and I feel we are headed towards making love real soon. We have been out over a dozen times and been seeing each other for about a month. I can tell its gonna happen soon. 

We spoke about it a little and I know she is attracted to me and me to her. I told her it would be awkward at first and if it is I wanted to enjoy the awkwardness together.

I know I am a damn 40 year old man but I am nervous as hell. I don't want to screw things up with her but I want her as bad as I think she wants me…

Any advice? I know how damn dumb am I right.


----------



## Ynot

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Ok this sounds so high school but here goes.
> 
> I have been with the same woman for 22 years. The new woman in my life is amazing and I feel we are headed towards making love real soon. We have been out over a dozen times and been seeing each other for about a month. I can tell its gonna happen soon.
> 
> We spoke about it a little and I know she is attracted to me and me to her. I told her it would be awkward at first and if it is I wanted to enjoy the awkwardness together.
> 
> I know I am a damn 40 year old man but I am nervous as hell. I don't want to screw things up with her but I want her as bad as I think she wants me…
> 
> Any advice? I know how damn dumb am I right.


First off you are NOT "damn dumb" so get that out of your mind NOW!
Second off, talk about it with HER! Not just a little but a lot. Explain to her your anxieties and insecurities. If she doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand you will have some of your answers. Apparently she is someone with whom you would like to allow a relationship to continue to develop with. The only way to do this is to find out for yourself. If she abuses your insecurities or anxiety, you will at least know now, rather than later. If she does understand you will know this is someone to "get in bed with". 
One other thing, if I were you, I wouldn't expect fireworks (especially on your end). Being with someone different after over two decades with the same woman is very difficult mentally. The first time I was with a different woman after my 24 year marriage ended, I was overwhelmed with emotion, memories and anxiety. Be prepared for this, a good woman will understand. A selfish one will not.
Chances are, she is probably as nervous or more nervous than you are, talking about it assuage anxiety on both sides.


----------



## Marc878

Quit worrying. I've told you a good solid guy is in demand. 

Just be natural with her. Lots of time. Don't rush. Maybe invite her over and fix dinners for her again. It'll help you get comfortable with her. 

I'd have her spend the night. It's like riding a bike you never forget.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Ynot said:


> First off you are NOT "damn dumb" so get that out of your mind NOW!
> Second off, talk about it with HER! Not just a little but a lot. Explain to her your anxieties and insecurities. If she doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand you will have some of your answers. Apparently she is someone with whom you would like to allow a relationship to continue to develop with. The only way to do this is to find out for yourself. If she abuses your insecurities or anxiety, you will at least know now, rather than later. If she does understand you will know this is someone to "get in bed with".
> One other thing, if I were you, I wouldn't expect fireworks (especially on your end). Being with someone different after over two decades with the same woman is very difficult mentally. The first time I was with a different woman after my 24 year marriage ended, I was overwhelmed with emotion, memories and anxiety. Be prepared for this, a good woman will understand. A selfish one will not.
> Chances are, she is probably as nervous or more nervous than you are, talking about it assuage anxiety on both sides.


We have. We talked about where this was leading and that I was nervous. She assured me that she was too and not to worry. I felt better. She is such a good woman. She does understand and is just as nervous as me. I took that as a good sign. I was happy that she was thinking the same things.


----------



## Ynot

NoMoreTears4me said:


> We have. We talked about where this was leading and that I was nervous. She assured me that she was too and not to worry. I felt better. She is such a good woman. She does understand and is just as nervous as me. I took that as a good sign. I was happy that she was thinking the same things.


Good deal!
BTW, it is not quite like just "riding a bike" it is more like getting on a bike again, after having fallen off and torn up your knee, shin, elbow and busting out a few teeth. You can do it and you will get more comfortable as you regain your confidence, but at first you will be a little tentative and maybe a little hesitant to get back up and try. Even if you think you are ready.
Enjoy your new experience. I am not trying to be a wet blanket. I am just trying to be a realist having been there myself.


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~

Hmmmm, who said, "Just do it?" :wink2:


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~
What about an update?
VH


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> Teary ~
> What about an update?
> VH


Everything is going great. We have been going out for over a month. I am super happy all the time now. 

Everyday I get happier. I cant believe what I have been missing out on. I think back on my marriage with a much clearer head now.

I was such a fool to try to save a marriage with such a manipulative selfish person.

I have been working out 4 days a week. I feel and look better. 

My only issue now is the kids are still suffering. She is such a selfish horrible person. If I could take em back and keep them I would. 

However having said all that... I am discovering a new set of problems.

Women I have met all have kids. Im fine with that I love kids. But I forsee issues in the future that I may not be able to deal with. I will be back for advice that is for sure.

BUT for right now I am feeling things I have not felt in a long long time. Im being carful and guarding my feelings. I do not want to get hurt and will not hurt anyone else. 

I am having a good time. Its nice to have someone I care about and that cares about being with me. 

I know I have not been divorced long. But let me give you a brief description on how I have changed.

I have a great sense of humor. Always make people laugh and have a good time. I have found my sense of humor again. I had lost it for so very long.

I am very particular about my things. I take care of my stuff. I have started doing that again. Things I let fall to the side have been picked up and put back in place.

Social: I used to go straight home after work. I don't do that anymore. I go where I want and take care of my self.

Spiritual: I have found my relationship with god again. I hated him during this divorce and I understand so much more now and why this happened to me.

My failures: I know my faults and I am actively working on them. I still need to improve myself if I am going to be successful in a new relationship.

Values: I am not a womanizer and player. I refuse to be one now that I am divorced. I have refused hookups and will continue. I know I am strange. I don't care. I want love. I crave it.

I may be wrong in this thinking. But I don't believe in putting a time limit before I find love. I know what I want in a woman. 

Also I don't believe in the rebound. I think that is all in the mind. If I find someone special I should not disregard that person and place them in a rebound status. 

Anyway. I am a different person than I was and its only getting better.

I forsee a great future for myself.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> Teary ~
> What about an update?
> VH


SEX: Awkward at first. Getting better. Defiantly different that what I was used to. in a very good way


----------



## VeryHurt

NoMoreTears4me said:


> SEX: Awkward at first. Getting better. Defiantly different that what I was used to. in a very good way


How is it different?


----------



## Marc878

NoMoreTears4me said:


> SEX: Awkward at first. Getting better. Defiantly different that what I was used to. in a very good way


If you need it I have this great book on sex. It's excellent!!!!

It's in Polish though. Great advice!!!!!

It's says "in, out, repeat if necessary"

>>>>>>


----------



## SurpriseMyself

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I need some cologne advice!


None!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SurpriseMyself

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Ok
> 
> Well I have went out with a total of 3 different women. The last we went out 4 nights in a row. She is so sweet. She came over last night to watch a movie and we ended up kissing. Oh my lord it was so nice.
> 
> She sat next to each other on the couch and enjoyed each other's company. I has taken me a full day to wipe the smile off my face.
> 
> She has her kids this coming week and so do i. So we can only text and call for a week.
> 
> I feel so alive and happy these past few days.
> 
> Who am I?


I just have to say I'm glad there are men out there like you. When I get back on the scene, I want to find a guy who thinks and feels like you. It gives me hope.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

VeryHurt said:


> How is it different?


The way she kisses me. Sex is passionate. Lots of just touching and feeling each other close. Probably a good hour of just enjoying each other before actual sex. 

I would not say best sex ever cause there is still the shy and awkward part but it's great on a different level than I have ever had. But it's better each time

I never been so turned on by just kissing. 


I find her perfect in every way


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

SurpriseMyself said:


> I just have to say I'm glad there are men out there like you. When I get back on the scene, I want to find a guy who thinks and feels like you. It gives me hope.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We are all around just got to weed through the players and look for someone that wants love. Personally I went out with a few that wanted sex right away and I turned away. Not what I want. Sex is better with someone you care about.


----------



## Marc878

Uh oh!!!! Somebody has moved on and turned the corner!!!!!

Nice job


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~

I am soooooooo genuinely happy for you !!!!

VH :smile2:


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Marc878 said:


> Uh oh!!!! Somebody has moved on and turned the corner!!!!!
> 
> Nice job


It's crazy when I think about the pain I went through. 
Who was I? 

If not for you guys helping me I would not be here


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

So let me tell this story cause it makes me happy.
Me and my SO we're sitting in McDonald's. She wanted coffee and I was craving some sweet tea.

We just sat there and talked forever and I was holding her hand on top of the table. We were talking about what we were looking for and what we wanted from a relationship.

When out of the blue a very old man and old woman approached us. He told us how great it was to watch us stare at each other and hold hands. How we should never let go and that he and his wife have been together for 60 years.

It was a humbling moment . Here was this very old couple reliving there love by watching us. It was an honor to talk to them.


----------



## IIJokerII

Dude, get divorced from an unhealthy and abusive relationship is akin to having a Tumor removed. It may hurt at first but man I'm alive, I'll heal and I don't regret it...... Of course getting a Tumor removed is far easier and faster than getting divorced. One would think a legal binding of saying "I Do" could be undone by a game of Rock, Paper's, scissors with the winner getting a 1 minute exit tirade against the loser and Bam, marriage dissolved..


----------



## VeryHurt

IIJokerII said:


> Dude, get divorced from an unhealthy and abusive relationship is akin to having a Tumor removed. It may hurt at first but man I'm alive, I'll heal and I don't regret it...... Of course getting a Tumor removed is far easier and faster than getting divorced. One would think a legal binding of saying "I Do" could be undone by a game of Rock, Paper's, scissors with the winner getting a 1 minute exit tirade against the loser and Bam, marriage dissolved..


Joker~
Your post to Teary was inspiring for me today because right now I'm in Pre-Op waiting for MY surgery!
VH


----------



## IIJokerII

VeryHurt said:


> Joker~
> Your post to Teary was inspiring for me today because right now I'm in Pre-Op waiting for MY surgery!
> VH


 You're gonna be just fine... And you're gonna smile again many times more too. Keep fighting.


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Ok guys help me a little...

You know my history or at least some of you do.

I have been going out with someone for over a month now. I really care for her a lot. Both of us have been hurt in the past by cheating spouses. 

I do not under any circumstance want to hurt her or me. I care about her tremendously. 

I went out with 3 other women on a few dates but did not feel anything for them. I was able to reassure myself through them that I was somewhat attractive and desirable. 

I have been reading a lot and now have a fear of the rebound. I don't feel this latest woman is a rebound but I understand that my judgment is clouded.

We are proceeding slowly but I find myself thinking of her all the time and wanting to see her. I enjoy being with her and we have a lot of fun. 

How do I know if what I am feeling is love or just a rebound relationship? I will answer any questions you guys have for me. Please help me out. 

No I am not thinking of marriage. no I do not want my ex back. No this person does not remind me of my ex.


----------



## Acoa

NoMoreTears4me said:


> No I am not thinking of marriage. no I do not want my ex back. No this person does not remind me of my ex.



Then don't sweat it. It's called infatuation, and can be a lot of fun. 

Be honest about what you want. Do you still want to date others? Go exclusive? 

You've both been hurt and should both understand that any hardcore commitment shouldn't happen too soon. Communicate and don't be afraid to agree to some ground rules.

Eventually the infatuation phase will either fizzle or you'll develop clearer feelings for her. Just take it slow, but enjoy the journey. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Acoa said:


> Then don't sweat it. It's called infatuation, and can be a lot of fun.
> 
> Be honest about what you want. Do you still want to date others? Go exclusive?
> 
> You've both been hurt and should both understand that any hardcore commitment shouldn't happen too soon. Communicate and don't be afraid to agree to some ground rules.
> 
> Eventually the infatuation phase will either fizzle or you'll develop clearer feelings for her. Just take it slow, but enjoy the journey.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I tried dating multiple people at once. I did not like it. Felt like I was cheating. I would rather date one at a time and see where it goes and I did.

Now I am exclusive with her and she with me. Im falling for her hard and I can feel that. My brother keeps warning me about the rebound. He said after I sleep with her it will fade. Well it didn't and I feel the same as I did before we slept together. In fact we waited over a month before we did sleep together and that was a ton of dates in between. I wanted to wait longer but it was difficult.

I refuse to hurt her and I think of that more than thoughts of myself. I care for her a bunch and I don't want to date anyone else.

I know I should just sit back and enjoy this. It is fun and I love every second of it.


----------



## Acoa

NoMoreTears4me said:


> I tried dating multiple people at once. I did not like it. Felt like I was cheating. I would rather date one at a time and see where it goes and I did.
> 
> Now I am exclusive with her and she with me. Im falling for her hard and I can feel that. My brother keeps warning me about the rebound. He said after I sleep with her it will fade. Well it didn't and I feel the same as I did before we slept together. In fact we waited over a month before we did sleep together and that was a ton of dates in between. I wanted to wait longer but it was difficult.
> 
> I refuse to hurt her and I think of that more than thoughts of myself. I care for her a bunch and I don't want to date anyone else.
> 
> I know I should just sit back and enjoy this. It is fun and I love every second of it.


Dating multiple is definitely a pain in the arse. 

Enjoy where you are, try not to rush it. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.


----------



## JohnA

If the two of you think you may be serious do not just drift into something. Now would be a good time to take a long hard look at yourself and what you learned from your failed marriage. 

My failed engagement made me a much better husband. My failed marriage makes me a far more aware and purposeful person. I know my flaws, I know how to handie them, I know how to be bold but not intimating, I know how to enable a person to feel safe in being honest. I also learned to say no. 

Unlike the younger me, if I meant a women today I had feelings for and thought we could make a go of it, I would say to her let's see if this is real. I want to court you. I want to see a marriage councilor and see how we truly mesh. Maybe this is just a spring day or maybe more. I don't want you to move or get engage. I am asking you for an open honest dialogue. 
To star: what have I about yourself, what has she learned about herself?


----------



## BashfulB

NoMoreTears I'm glad that life is looking up for you. I have been where you are and I too know the healing power of a good woman. Nothing soothes a man's soul more than the care and devotion of a good woman. I suffered a huge betrayal by my ex-wife, and I am now remarried to a woman who is so far above her that it is almost laughable. 

Just stay true to yourself and your principles and everything usually works out in the end. Good luck!


----------



## GusPolinski

NoMoreTears4me said:


> Ok guys help me a little...
> 
> You know my history or at least some of you do.
> 
> I have been going out with someone for over a month now. I really care for her a lot. Both of us have been hurt in the past by cheating spouses.
> 
> I do not under any circumstance want to hurt her or me. I care about her tremendously.
> 
> I went out with 3 other women on a few dates but did not feel anything for them. I was able to reassure myself through them that I was somewhat attractive and desirable.
> 
> I have been reading a lot and now have a fear of the rebound. I don't feel this latest woman is a rebound but I understand that my judgment is clouded.
> 
> *We are proceeding slowly* but I find myself thinking of her all the time and wanting to see her. I enjoy being with her and we have a lot of fun.
> 
> How do I know if what I am feeling is love or just a rebound relationship? I will answer any questions you guys have for me. Please help me out.
> 
> No I am not thinking of marriage. no I do not want my ex back. No this person does not remind me of my ex.


That's easy -- 

Continue to proceed... _slowly_.


----------



## VeryHurt

Teary ~

It is so nice to read the posts from the men on your thread today.......it reminds me growing up with my two brothers. 

I recall when we were in high school and college and a girl broke up with them, I would see how quiet they would get. 

Sometimes they just hung out in their room. Once or twice I saw a tear or two.

I think women don't realize how sensitive men can be. 

But reading the advice you got today about taking it slow, enjoy life and how nice it is to finally find a nice woman after my wife cheated on me, gives me hope there are still normal men out there.

Do what feels right to you. You don't have to rush anything. 

This relationship may be something or may be nothing ..........only time will tell.

Have Fun Teary ! :smile2:

VH


----------



## NoMoreTears4me

Thanks guys. This really helps.

I'm really battling with ensuring I do things right this time around. I'm older and wiser.


----------



## Marc878

Time is the only thing that will tell you if this is real/doable. Go slow and enjoy the time. There is no rush here.

This time around think with your head somewhat.

What do you like about her? Is it superficial, etc. does she put you first? You her?

Keep your eyes wide open. Is she caring about you? How is she around your kids and you hers???

If it goes longer have your family meet her and get their opinions. You with hers.

Do this one right. Proceed slowly. You're doing great btw!!!!!


----------



## RisingSun

It can also get better without dating. I'm nearly 4 months into the second separation in the same marriage. Granted, things are a little unique in my situation, as it turns out my stbxw is gay. Along with the pain of the separation, I had something completely different to process. That news helped shift my patch from healing to acceptance. What's common is dealing with being alone, sometimes lonely, and moving ahead with my life.

I'm still in the process of rediscovering myself, but I am enjoying my own company and I'm working on a new social life. Things are miles apart from the way they were during my first separation. The pain and sorrow are gone. I feel pretty OK most of the time. I am looking forward to dating once I'm ready, and life could be a lot worse. I am realizing that I don't need to be in a relationship to feel whole or complete. Personally, I think that's an important place to get to. If you're OK with yourself you'll be that much better in a new relationship, imho.

During my first separation I was in the deepest and darkest hole of my life. I didn't know if I would ever feel happy again, if I would recover, if the pain would ever go away... you know how it goes. Time helped heal the wounds, but what I did with that time was even more important. 

So, for any of you going through your personal hell, know that it won't last forever.


----------



## VeryHurt

I like Marc's idea of eventually having your family (siblings and parents) meet her as they seem to have a sense of things that you don't. My mom was the best barometer, had I listened to her 33 years ago, I wouldn't be typing on TAM right now!


----------



## gouge_away

Don't worry if it is a rebound, presumptions can kill relationships.

Enjoy it, if you or her decide later down the road that you aren't meant to be together, it's gonna hurt, probably more than your last long term relationships.

Still, in spite of the brutal heartache of rebound relationships, you will look back and be glad you went through it because things were so passionate and exciting. Enjoy the passion and excitement, don't let presumption ruin that.

Hey, I hope you two last, and it would be very cool if you were each other's last.

Best wishes.

Nothing spoils an exciting night of gambling like hearing "I told you so," after breaking even.

Fvck that, ENJOY your time, and know when to walk away, right now is NOT the time to walk away, your on the UP!

"Giggity Giggity!"


----------

