# Just told OMW



## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

DS was supposedly on 2weeks of NC. The kind of NC that involved her visiting him and letting him know she doesn't want to talk again (!). 

Well, this morning, I called OMW and let her know about the A. Kept it to just the facts. She asked if I would call OM and conference her in. I politely refused, saying I wasn't emotionally ready for that situation. I did say that if she called him and conferenced me in, I'd be happy to talk. 

DS happened to call a few mins earlier. Told her that I had talked to OMW. She couldn't get off the phone sooner. She obviously called OM despite the NC. She then calls me and accuses me of destroying someone else's marriage, of being unstable, of undertaking a disgusting act, of adding the last straw on our marriage and that she isdone with me. 

I don't know what to think. Have I just destroyed all chances of R? I feel like she wasn't really close to R anyway - and that we are only 2 weeks from DD, and the more I do to destroy the A quickly, the higher the chances are that things will settle down later. I also feel more empowered because I am finally being a little more aggressive after years of being rolled over. 



What have your experiences been on telling the other BS?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It worked out pretty well for me.
You can't destroy someone else's marriage that obviously is already destroyed. And, it's less CRAZINESS that YOU have to deal with.
Cheaters depend on co-dependency from their spouses.
But co-dependency doesn't mean making it easy for them to keep cheating. I think this outrage is like a temper tantrum - someone finding out that hey, they're just not going to get their way any more.
Boo hoo.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

thrway214 said:


> the more I do to destroy the A quickly, the higher the chances are that things will settle down later. I also feel more empowered because I am finally being a little more aggressive after years of being rolled over.


You are totally right in this - totally.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Good for you brother. You did the morally correct thing.

My wife reacted the same way when I contacted the OMW. The EXACT same thing.

Hang tight, you did good. Don't let your wife slide on this. Tell her she is the one who destroyed the OMs marriage, not you.!


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

To bad so sad. Pretty damn audacious of her to claim that you are screwing up that particular marriage.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Good job.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> I don't know what to think. Have I just destroyed all chances of R? I feel like she wasn't really close to R anyway - and that we are only 2 weeks from DD, and the more I do to destroy the A quickly, the higher the chances are that things will settle down later. I also feel more empowered because I am finally being a little more aggressive after years of being rolled over.


Telling the OMW is a separate issue than your marriage. You told her so that she could be informed and free to make a decision for her own future. This was morally correct. 

If it saves your marriage then that is a positive by-product.

Now get on the horn and notify your wife's family.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

How does that saying go

All is fair in love and war. I would not loose any sleep over their marriage. You did that woman a favor.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You did the best thing. You stood up to her breaking NC. You did nothing to hurt another marriage. She did and was continuing to do it.

You weren't in R, she was still in an active affair.

Perhaps eventually shell realize you aren't going to accept her cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if she is still trying to protect her affair partner then you didn't have a real R to begin with and she was likely still engaged in the affair


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Look, you did the right thing. Don't let her shift the blame to you.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Wow, good job! You did the right thing for the other person who was getting played. 

I have never understood how people can say hiding an affair is "protecting/saving" a marriage. But I guess cheaters think this way. They think "what they don't know won't hurt them." Yeah right----like STD's can't hurt you. These days they can KILL you.

Talk about blame-shifting! Sheeeesh

How did you respond? Did your SO just scream and hang up on you? Did the other BS call to conference you in with their WS?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Consider going dark on her until she returns to being civil.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

You did great!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

You did good though stop telling your wife what you are doing. Now call her parents and tell them of the affair and ask for their support to save your marriage. A lesson from experience, often the other betrayed spouse is not able to take steps to stop their wayward from continuing the affair , this suggests the affair goes deeper underground . A more certain way to disrupt the affair is to contact his parents, siblings and friends advising them of his adultery.

Read the thread 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Consider going dark on her until she returns to being civil.



Yep, time for a hard, HARD 180.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

Hang in there, the 180 is HARD but you've come this far, keep going.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

thrway214 said:


> ... She then calls me and accuses me of destroying someone else's marriage, of being unstable, of undertaking a disgusting act, of adding the last straw on our marriage and that she isdone with me.


_Edited to add: I asked my Dear Hubby "a poster on TAM just called the OM'sW and told her about the affair between his own W and her H. What do you suppose his W said when she found out?" and he literally, verbatim quoted what your wife said. This is not just typical--it is 'to be expected.' Thus, what she said and how she's angry at you and blaming you is actually normal._

May I politely remind you of "reality"? In reality, you did nothing other than speak the truth. If your spouse had been acting in a way that was completely faithful and dedicated to upholding the vow she voluntarily took...you would have said to the OM'sW that your marriage was great, she was great, and that she was a faithful and committed spouse. In reality it is HER ACTIONS of being unfaithful and carrying on with a married man that are destroying not only "someone else's marriage" but also her own! In reality it is HER ACTIONS that are unstable because she promised one thing to you and is doing another thing altogether! In reality it is HER ACTIONS that are a disgusting act, not you telling the real truth to another human being. Telling the truth is not disgusting  In reality it is HER ACTIONS that are the last straw in your marriage, because committing adultery is the lowest of the low things to do to another human being, much less someone you love!! (I say this as a former disloyal too!) And in reality she's deflecting blame from herself to you so she can justify "being done with you"--when you've been maybe somewhat negligent at worst, but she's committed blatant adultery! 

So don't let her words fool you. That is smoke and mirrors to try to take the focus off HER ACTIONS and justify the unjustifiable. Do not be deterred, and keep your focus on ending that affair. 



> I don't know what to think. Have I just destroyed all chances of R? I feel like she wasn't really close to R anyway - and that we are only 2 weeks from DD, and the more I do to destroy the A quickly, the higher the chances are that things will settle down later. I also feel more empowered because I am finally being a little more aggressive after years of being rolled over.
> 
> 
> 
> What have your experiences been on telling the other BS?


I believe your experience is about 99.99% typical. But again may I politely remind you of reality? Your disloyal spouse is likely to be EXTREMELY angry :FIREdevil: about having the affair exposed. However, marriage can survive anger and they can even survive one or the other spouse losing a job or having to relocate. When there is not an affair and one spouse gets fired...people survive that every day!! What a marriage can NOT survive is AN ACTIVE AFFAIR. So just remember than an affair = death to the marriage..... some anger or leaving a job do NOT equal marital death. 

And by the way, *No Contact* does not mean your DS going to the OM to tell him she doesn't want contact.  That would be contact!  So by going to him supposedly to tell him she wants no more contact, she was contacting the Other Man. Don't be deceived. It is her way of prolonging the affair and getting her little "affair fix." No Contact means changing phone #s, changing email addresses, sometimes leaving a job, sometimes MOVING...and never, Ever, EVER talking to, seeing or even HEARING ABOUT the other person again...not even from a friend of a friend of a friend!!!! It means going through the withdrawal of the thrill of the affair zing, and resisting every urge to contact. It means absolutely, positively NO CONTACT in any way!!!! 

Get it?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Wow that's her definition of remorse? You definitely need to man up/ 180 or whatever.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

dont feel the need to explain or justify your actions to her. this is the consequence of her actions and her choices. don't question yourself. you did the right thing. trust me, you'll see. 

now your going to see some fireworks. expect them.

she is going to be angry and if this establishes real "no contact" her affair withdrawl will be very similiar to her being possesed by a demon... its horrible to say the least. but sad as it is, that means its working its way through her system. 

stay calm. do not let her provoke you.


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

You did good. You did not destroy their marriage, if it is destroyed, your W and her OM did it; the truth did it. It is absolutely your place to tell OMW, as it would be her place to tell you. You W is protecting him over you, that tells you where she is.

Do not be defensive or emotional or get involved in an argument. There is no argument, you did the right thing (independent of it being necessary for your R, the right thing in the moral sense).


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> You did good though stop telling your wife what you are doing. Now call her parents and tell them of the affair and ask for their support to save your marriage. A lesson from experience, often the other betrayed spouse is not able to take steps to stop their wayward from continuing the affair , this suggests the affair goes deeper underground . A more certain way to disrupt the affair is to contact his parents, siblings and friends advising them of his adultery.
> 
> Read the thread
> 
> ...


Another point you need to realize: we would HOPE that when your wife's parents and siblings hear about adultery, that they will be made of the high moral quality to tell your spouse to 'knock it off, do the right thing, and return to your marriage'. We HOPE this -- but all too often these days, either parents or siblings "don't want to get involved in your wife's private life" or they may actually encourage the affair or participate in helping it along! 

Sooooo...if you do tell her parents and siblings, and they do not help talk sense to her or do not encourage her to return to the marriage, do not be surprised. Disappointed? Sure! But people are human too, make mistakes, and shoot some may have had or are having affairs of their own! Maybe their definition of love is lust! Who knows? The point is that their life is about to be deeply affect because of your wife's choices and actions, and they do deserve to know the truth and not the fabrication that your wife will offer that lays the blame at your feet.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

So great to read your responses. I agree. She wasn't ready to R. She was busy rug-sweeping and manipulating me into believing that she was sincere. 

Her actions today gave her away quite nicely. 

This may be the end of my M. I am quite ok with that.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

"Last straw"? If that were the last straw, that camel's back was already broken. Absolutely not your doing. Be good to yourself and stay strong.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

thrway214 said:


> I don't know what to think. Have I just destroyed all chances of R?


Au contraire. You just increased your chances of reconciliation since you most likely just killed the affair.

Congrats. 

Now it's up to you and your wife w/ how to proceed. The only way it can work is if she and you both truly commit to the marriage and she ends absolutely all contact w/ him completely and forever.

Keep us posted.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> This may be the end of my M. I am quite ok with that.


Go emotionally dark on her. Hard 180.

Are you two still living together? If so, I would have her bags packed and waiting for her at the door tonight. If she comes home, still angry and defiant, ask her to leave so that you can be by yourself to decide what you want to do. 

Don't let up on the pressure. 

Make sure you get your financial affairs in order. Cut her off of your money completely and separate your bank accounts. Cancel any credit cards you hold jointly with her. And go see a lawyer if you have not done so.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

thrway214 said:


> Told her that I had talked to OMW. She couldn't get off the phone sooner. She obviously called OM despite the NC. She then calls me and accuses me of destroying someone else's marriage, of being unstable, of undertaking a disgusting act, of adding the last straw on our marriage and that she isdone with me.


 I love the way that spouse that are proven lairs and cheats, deem themselves the moral compass that you should follow in dealing with their betrayal of their marraige. 


thrway214 said:


> I don't know what to think. Have I just destroyed all chances of R?


 You did not destroy anything. You were in false R. All you did was smoke her out into letting you know that her loyalty to the OM is greater than her loyalty to you and your marraige. She in effect just told you that not hurting the OM is more important to her than all the hurt the OM did to you. You should call her out on this and not back down.



thrway214 said:


> I feel like she wasn't really close to R anyway - and that we are only 2 weeks from DD, and the more I do to destroy the A quickly, the higher the chances are that things will settle down later. I also feel more empowered because I am finally being a little more aggressive after years of being rolled over.


 You have your head on right. You are thinking clearly. You are taking back control of your life. If that makes you feel better, it should. You should tell you wife that not only do you not regret telling the OMW but that you feel better for having finally done the right thing. That morally, you should have told her sooner. Tell her that the fact that she even questions this only proves that she has lost her way her way and that she is no longer the decent and moral person that she once was. Tell her that you are willing to show her the way, but she needs to be willing to follow. Say all of this while staying calm. Do not let her provoke you into getting angry no matter how hard that she tries (and she will).


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This is an exact replay of two weeks ago for me!

Man I'm triggering like you guys can't believe.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, did you notice how easily and quickly your wife found out? Clearly contact was still very much going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

thrway214 said:


> She then calls me and accuses me of destroying someone else's marriage, of being unstable, of undertaking a disgusting act, of adding the last straw on our marriage and that she isdone with me.





Affaircare said:


> _Edited to add: I asked my Dear Hubby "a poster on TAM just called the OM'sW and told her about the affair between his own W and her H. What do you suppose his W said when she found out?" and he literally, verbatim quoted what your wife said. This is not just typical--it is 'to be expected.' Thus, what she said and how she's angry at you and blaming you is actually normal._


lol, that's funny. My W said that to me as well... verbatim.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Btw, did you notice how easily and quickly your wife found out? Clearly contact was still very much going on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She found out because I told her - a few minutes later, when she called about an unrelated thing. 

But quite quickly, she contacted him. So, your general point is dead on.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> lol, that's funny. My W said that to me as well... verbatim.


Didn't sham's wife say it too?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

thrway214 said:


> I don't know what to think. Have I just destroyed all chances of R?





thrway214 said:


> This may be the end of my M. I am quite ok with that.


It "may" be the end of your marriage because you might have destroyed a possible reconciliation?

Did I read that right? 

What you're really saying is "I might have pushed it too far, she might not forgive me for telling the other man's wife, and if I've totally blown it then I can live with myself for doing what I felt was right".

Lets recap.

She cheated on you, the affair was exposed, she promised no contact yet she continued right on contacting, she blames you for all the problems that will occur subsequent to you speaking to the other man's wife, and you're still leaving it up to her as to whether or not the marriage will continue?



thrway214 said:


> She then calls me and accuses me of destroying someone else's marriage, of being unstable, of undertaking a disgusting act, of adding the last straw on our marriage and that she isdone with me.


She's the one who strayed, and yet she is done, with YOU??

For undertaking a disgusting act and adding the last straw??

I sure hope you didn't apologize.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Wow, amazing stuff. She is really feeling the heat bigtime.

You have finally gotten through to her! And she is going ballistic trying to reset the power in her favor.

Keep holding her butt to the fire.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Your wife is pissed at you because the OM is freaking out on her. Her response strongly indicates that the NC was a joke and that she still gives a damn what he thinks/wants.

Telling the OMW is an act of kindness as far as I am concerned. We can only guess how many years or how much you saved this woman from.

When I told my husband I had let the cat out of the bag to his best friend (my DH cheated with his best friend's fiance), he didn't even flinch as he was falling apart over the fact that I knew and wasn't concerned about his best friend knowing at that point. 

Your wife is NOT responding as a remorseful spouse should. You need to remember that as you move forward and also try to understand that her response, no matter how upsetting, is not uncommon. Affairs can be like addiction and the withdrawal can make the unfaithful damn near crazy.

I am so sorry for your pain and that this is happening to you.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

She may also be fighting and screaming at him as well---I have no doubt the OMW is also doing her share of yelling!


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i see no marriage to be salvaged here.

you're wife is a "user and abuser."


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Tell your wife tough sh!t, he can't have two women.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Right now it so important to do a *hard* 180!

Theres a good chance that the OM will want to work it out with his W. Now that you have made the affair inconvienent and difficult to continue it will be up to your wife to come out of the fog.

The 180 plan will protect your emotion until she is ready to show you and act of real remorse. 

Not all is lost but continue to distanace your self, let her start chasing you and with the perception that you are moving on it will only bring her that much closer to coming out of the fog.

Consequenses are a big part of coming out of the fog. so do the 180 and only your W can take the steps to repair *her* marriage.

Get it? It is *her* marriage that she must repair by doing the heavy lifting. Granted she may not want to now or ever but it is her call now. You can show her that you are moving on and moving on quickly...hence the reason to do the 180 now and hard. Any thing less will keep her in her current state of mind, and there will be no thinking twice for her if you continue to engage her.

Go dark, let her chase, her statement of "being done" is a perfect examble of making a quick dicision that she will regret later on. 

There is hope brother, she just needs to start seeing some of the consequences. Exposing the A to OMW is one and the best ones. Second consequence,showing her you will not be around until she changes her mind set is another big one. Engaging her now will only let her tell you how bad of guy you are and that my friend, is all cheater babble. Until this babble goes away and she owns her crap then the marriage may be over.


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## 5stringpicker (Feb 11, 2012)

I going to disagree with you on this one Chapparal. I recommend he tell her the OM can nad does have two women; her and his wife if the woman is dumb enough to stay. What I can't understand is why Thrway gives a crap what his cheating wife and her lover think or worse, why he's wants to give her another chance to kick his ass again. Jettison her and get a new model. Let loverboy and his wife support her.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Jettison her and get a new model. Let loverboy and his wife support her.


I agree, given her past caustic and completely unsensitive remarks to her husband we can tell this woman is a cold, flesh eating harpie. 

thrway214 needs to file for divorce and get rid of this vampire for good.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Don't tell your wife any thing! For now show her that you are respecting her choice and go dark. Do not engage her until she start to chase you!

Remember it will alway be your way from now on , she is the one that is trying to engage you (HOPEFULLY), and if she doesn't like what your telling her she can stop contacting you until she realize she is losing *her* marriage and changes her tune.

Go dark!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> Remember it will alway be your way from now on , she is the one that is trying to engage you (HOPEFULLY), and if she doesn't like what your telling her she can stop contacting you until she realize she is losing *her* marriage and changes her tune.


Frankly, from the way he describes her, she doesn't really care. I don't see much hope for R.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes but at this point its a win win for him. OP creates a distance that will either grow and protect him from furture pain or his chick gets a clue and comes around. Either way the 180 is the best plan of attack. His wife has to make the final choice that will effect the rest of both thier lives.

Disangage, and move on. hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

And I say this only b/c of the possiblity of a true R. 

B- I get were your coming from but just like you 2 strikes and there out. I think this is her 1st stike? Every one gets a 2nd chance in my book and thats all they get. B- you've been there and I get it, no more 3rd chance..... and then being able to walk away knowing you did everything, but some poeple are just broken.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

Ok. Perhaps a time for some background. 

My wife has NO future with him. He is 63. She knows that. She knows that she is pissing away a beautiful life for this thrill. She admits to all this. She agrees that I am the best thing to happen to her, and she agrees that she is irrational and infatuated and selfish etc. While being a classic WS, she is also being somewhat self-aware. 

Also, why am I still so invested? Because, we used to be very close and until her mom's death, we used to be on the same page. She has always been insecure, about her age, her dyslexia, her body, and a half-dozen other things. I am also invested because we have two kids young enough to be deeply influenced. I can see how this is a very disturbed person, and don't want to abandon her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> My wife has NO future with him. He is 63. She knows that


.

63?........63?!

Lord....

How old is your wife?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Good, when she ask the big question "what can I do" then you responde to this by informing her that she has made an unhealthy choice and she needs to find out why. And its not about you, she didn't grow up think and telling her self, as a little girl that she was going grow up to be an adultor and a cheat, some how she got sucked into something that she lost control of. An individual behavior that *she* needs to address. its really as simple as " why do I have a lack of boundries in my marriage and why do I put my self in a unhealthy situation for my marriage?". I wonder if she will ever ask this question of her self?

You really can't control this, it an understanding....a self aware ness that she must make to have healthy relationships in the future...with or with out you.

Your job right now is letting go of the marriage and let her make her own choice in what she want to do to fix her self. Bottom line is she can't fix a damb thing until she fixes her self.

You can forgive her and you can stay with her, but right now its about her and what she wants to do to own this and what she wants to do to fix it. Its my opinion that the step you took was the final straw and yes you knew this was going to finish this marriage, it is her that can make the healthy choice in getting her marriage back! See were I'm coming from? See the perception you could have? The exposure to OMW is a staement that tells your WW that you will not tolorate this behavior and he the marriage is done if she continues. 

This is just something to think about and at the end of the day it is only just my $0.02 and an additude I have that has work for me and a few other guys here at TAM/CWI.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

41
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

41 with a 63 year old,,, that's just EWWW!! Sorry.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You will get your wife back, if you want her back---Hold your line---once she starts thinking about life on her own, she will dance to a different tune real quick---she doesn't wanna be labeled as a divorced, single, mother of 2, out on her own----but you do not roll over for her

She does all the heavy lifting---it is she that has to work her way back into the family---stay strong, stay tall


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

guys they could be hunchback and ciclops, its what they say and validate to our wives that make them attractive. Get it?

I'm talking about a weak person that can be munipulated when they are at ther lowest.... a person with out boundries. But a person that can be validated by the stinkest, ughlest, unemployed, lots of baggage kind of person that can be with a married person b/c " they understand them"

That how it is...it not you its our spouse, our weak spouses!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I agree, but I have to say that woman has some serious daddy issues.

I hope I can still get it up when I'm that age!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

If OM is 63 and your WW is 41 and she knows she has no future with him, then:

OM will throw your WW under the bus in an attempt to save his marriage.

That's usually how it plays out in these situations. She may try to come back to the marriage, or she may not. Only time will tell.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> If OM is 63 and your WW is 41 and she knows she has no future with him, then:
> 
> OM will throw your WW under the bus in an attempt to save his marriage.
> 
> That's usually how it plays out in these situations. She may try to come back to the marriage, or she may not. Only time will tell.


But I would say if she tries coming back,, it would be hard to take her back knowing she is only there because OM didn't want her. I sure wouldn't want to feel second choice.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Numb in Ohio said:


> But I would say if she tries coming back,, it would be hard to take her back knowing she is only there because OM didn't want her. I sure wouldn't want to feel second choice.


:iagree:

I know. That's the most difficult decision, how do you know if they are coming back because the OP didn't want them anymore and you are the back up plan, or if they come back because they really want to make it work. That's why I think no one should rush into R.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Very true ,, I've been struggling for almost 6 months to see if I could forgive my H,,, and in light of new information I just heard 2 days ago.. I am now posting in the "considering divorce forum". I'm sure in a few months I will graduate to "going through divorce"

No R for us. 

I wasn't so much as second choice as much as I guess when he met me I had "sucker" wrote on my forehead.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

It isn't about age, guys. It is about a warped sense of reality. She thinks he is her soulmate. There is absolutely no physical attraction here, an she wouldn't be picking me as a second choice, she has always been clear that she wants to stay in the marriage. She says they are friends and she "cares" for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i'd dump her for screwin' an old geezer, alone.(no offense)


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

thrway214 said:


> It isn't about age, guys. It is about a warped sense of reality. She thinks he is her soulmate. There is absolutely no physical attraction here, an she wouldn't be picking me as a second choice, she has always been clear that she wants to stay in the marriage. She says they are friends and she "cares" for him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah. The "soulmate" crap. 

You ARE the second choice. You should be her soulmate, the man she MARRIED and VOWED to spend the rest of her life with, forsaking ALL OTHERS. That's what marriage is, becoming one individual. There is no room for a 3rd party in any marriage. Of course she wants to stay in the marriage. She's a typical cake eating cheater. She wants the security of marriage, but be able to love someone else.










If she thinks OM is her soulmate, then it's only a matter of time before she starts fishing for renewed contact.


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## 5stringpicker (Feb 11, 2012)

cledus_snow said:


> i'd dump her for screwin' an old geezer, alone.(no offense)


Dang folks, old geezers need love to. Anyway you cut it though a 63 yo guy and a 41 yo girl sounds better to me than a 41 yo guy and 63 yo girl. Hell, at my age, a 55 yo woman is a young chick.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

She wants the AARP discounts


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Someone lost his wife here not to long ago to a sixty something over the internet. If you are counting on an age difference you just may be screwed. One thing you know for sure is she's a liar.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

View attachment 401


Some 63 year olds may still have it.

View attachment 402


Jack at 71

I am just saying.


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## thrway214 (Feb 24, 2012)

This thread has devolved and is not helpful anymore.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

sorry for the joke, I just inject some humor into these threads time to time since the subject matter can be so overwhelming


so what has happened since yesterday's exposure?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

thrway214 said:


> My wife has NO future with him. He is 63. She knows that. She knows that she is pissing away a beautiful life for this thrill. She admits to all this. She agrees that I am the best thing to happen to her, and she agrees that she is irrational and infatuated and selfish etc. While being a classic WS, she is also being somewhat self-aware.


In my case, my W was 40 and the OM 59 and she was saying all of this in our first and only MC. A week later she was txting him how she couldn't wait to be Mrs. OM (we were not living together at the time). She filed for a D a couple of weeks later.

The point is, it doesn't matter what she says, she's going to do what she wants to do regardless if it makes sense or not. Count on her doing the wrong thing.

When in an A, they are completely irrational which is why you simply can't talk them out of it or compete with the AP. They will want to do the opposite of what you want or say so you basically have to use reverse psychology on them. Instead of trying to win them back, you get away from them and push for a D. 

Getting them back is the easy part, staying with them is hard. Once you get past the desperation stage you start to get angry, at them and yourself for allowing them to take advantage of you. Many Rs fail not because of the WS not coming back, but because the BS decides they don't want to WS anymore.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

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