# Spouse\partner "priority\order of importance" for sex



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

What would you say your spouse\partner's priority or ranking of importance of sex might be?

By that I mean how high on the list of things they consider important is sex? (vs job, family, kids, hobbies, money, etc) Obviously those that know my story know my wife's is low but I am curious as to know what those who have good sex lives might say their spouse puts it as level of importance? 

Do they think its a high level of importance on their own or do they just make it high as YOU think its high?


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

For my wife and I, sex isn't at the top of the list. And there's several other things in front of it, on a list of importance for us.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Personal said:


> For my wife and I, sex isn't at the top of the list. And there's several other things in front of it, on a list of importance for us.


Would you say even though its not at the top, you each put it at around the same level?


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I don't know. Sex isn't an issue for us, because we enjoy sharing it. So it's not something that warrants special priority.


----------



## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

For me and I pretty sure my wife (though she never told me this explicitly) the sex is one of top priorities and we cannot think of happy marriage without happy sex life. It is not the only priority in the marriage but it cannot be replaced or substituted by anything else. 

I don't think it is right to compare sex as a priority to job, health, kids, etc. For sex to be an enjoyable and be really a priority everything else vital must be taken care of. It is not possible to enjoy or even have sex if you are worried about being evicted or not having food on the table ort kids are sick.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife rarely thinks about sex and if she is thinking about it more often like she is now, she’s actually trying to anticipate what I’m thinking rather than her thinking about it spontaneously.

So for her in isolation it is low, but in the context of wanting to remain married maybe medium to medium high?


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

romantic_dreamer said:


> For me and I pretty sure my wife (though she never told me this explicitly) the sex is one of top priorities and we cannot think of happy marriage without happy sex life. It is not the only priority in the marriage but it cannot be replaced or substituted by anything else.
> 
> I don't think it is right to compare sex as a priority to job, health, kids, etc. For sex to be an enjoyable and be really a priority everything else vital must be taken care of. It is not possible to enjoy or even have sex if you are worried about being evicted or not having food on the table ort kids are sick.


Well, thats my point of the question....if you already have all those other things taken care of (money, kids, etc) does sex go higher on your list? Like Maslow's Heirachy of Needs if you will?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I don't think you can put things in a list of what is and isn't more or less important.
Each of those things is important in its own right.
We are pretty similar in how we see sex and the importance it holds in our marriage.


----------



## aaronj (Oct 20, 2011)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well, thats my point of the question....if you already have all those other things taken care of (money, kids, etc) does sex go higher on your list? Like Maslow's Heirachy of Needs if you will?


You raise an interesting question.

Maslow's hierarchy has never really been proven and the discussion on sex priority is an example. Many factors impact the desire/priority of sex and simply having other aspects of one's life in order wouldn't necessarily make sex more of a priority. For some, stress kills sex drive. For others, stress creates more desire.

My sense is that many spouses don't think of sex as a priority, per se. They see it as a reflection of the relationship as well as a reflection of how they feel themselves. The spouses who likely think that sex should be more of a priority are probably those who aren't getting enough. I don't think I would want my spouse to think of sex as a priority for the marriage if it wasn't for her. That sounds like duty sex to me.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

the job is first and it is 7 days a week 365 days a year have never had a brake in 25 years , the kids and everything is build into that , it is family thing we know nothing better and when we go shopping we run around do it and get the hell back , I have sex some times at work with my boss I often seduce my boss at work Then when I go to bed at night I can be to tired to have sex with her , but I know it is ok because I know I can take have sex sometimes before I GO TO WORK , I have a mistress a wife and boss a partner a friend that I spend a lot of time with and you know what everything is part of us , because the one i call the boss is my mistress and my wife and a lot more


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

aaronj said:


> You raise an interesting question.
> 
> Maslow's hierarchy has never really been proven and the discussion on sex priority is an example. Many factors impact the desire/priority of sex and simply having other aspects of one's life in order wouldn't necessarily make sex more of a priority. For some, stress kills sex drive. For others, stress creates more desire.
> 
> My sense is that many spouses don't think of sex as a priority, per se. They see it as a reflection of the relationship as well as a reflection of how they feel themselves. The spouses who likely think that sex should be more of a priority are probably those who aren't getting enough. I don't think I would want my spouse to think of sex as a priority for the marriage if it wasn't for her. That sounds like duty sex to me.


Interesting thanks aaronj.

I guess my thought line is do couples that have a good sex life both rank it at the same level of importance but maybe there is no such ranking?

I am guessing maybe its not thought of that way based on the replies thus far? OR...maybe one (like me) only makes its a priority when its not there. (i,e, I never think about food or shelter or money (a job) as a priority as I have those)


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sex is high in importance for us both, right up there with dealing with health issues and finances. We haven't had kids at home for over 18 years, but even back then sex was as high (or higher!) priority than now.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frenchpaddy said:


> the job is first and it is 7 days a week 365 days a year have never had a brake in 25 years , the kids and everything is build into that , it is family thing we know nothing better and when we go shopping we run around do it and get the hell back , I have sex some times at work with my boss I often seduce my boss at work Then when I go to bed at night I can be to tired to have sex with her , but I know it is ok because I know I can take have sex sometimes before I GO TO WORK , I have a mistress a wife and boss a partner a friend that I spend a lot of time with and you know what everything is part of us , because the one i call the boss is my mistress and my wife and a lot more


Your wife is your boss?


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Your wife is your boss?


when someone calls looking for the boss I point them to her


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is kind of a life-stage thing. 

Back before we had kids, mortagages, car payments, bills etc, her hierarchy was -

- Breathing/oxygen.
-Stopping any arterial bleeding. 
- putting out the fire if the house caught on fire. 
-Sex. 

After kids/ when kids were little -

-Everything and every known activity to mankind
-sex

After kids were a little older and could spend a weekend with grandparents -

-All of the kid's needs mets.
-All bills paid and the house was clean and in order (no dirty dishes in sink, no clothes in washer or dryer etc) 
-Sex

Premenopausal hormonal fluctuations and hormonal therapy -

-Making sure kids and pets etc were still alive. 
-Making sure house and cars weren't being repossessed.

making sure we weren't becoming unemployed.
Sex

Post menopause and kids in upper teens.

-Basically everything else in the world. 
- occasional sex in hopes it keeps me from leaving so she doesn't lose the house.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

While I’m a sexually motivated person I doubt my wife gives it to much thought when I’m gone at work. She however responds well to flirting and building sexual tension. Ranking is a real bad metric to try and use as a gauge. On a scale of 1 to 10 she is probably a 3 during the day and a 37 when she’s getting the rabbit put to her in the shower


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frenchpaddy said:


> when someone calls looking for the boss I point them to her


I meant your boss at work.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I meant your boss at work.


 yes Diana ,


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

frenchpaddy said:


> yes Diana ,


You mean .... yes boss! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


----------

