# Help me understand women



## FS8 (Jun 17, 2011)

OK, so the title isn't descriptive, but here's the situation.

I went into a local bar about 9 days ago to grab a late dinner and a few beers. One of the bartenders smiled at me and I didn't think much of it since she worked there. Casual and perfectly expected from an employee to a customer. Two days later, I went back for some beer, and she again was not my bartender but stopped to talk to me again, even mentioning that I should come more often. We chatted a good bit later that night.

Now, I am not at all good at reading body language (borderline incapable when it pertains to me) but I definitely got the sense she was interested in me. What's more, I *can* actually quite easily read other people, and watching her interactions with her coworkers I got the definite impression at least they thought she was interested. I was there two more times after that (Monday and Tuesday) and we again talked a good bit. She definitely remembered almost everything that I told her, which I don't think you would do for a random customer.

Last night, I went in with the intent of asking her out. I should say that I did notice that she seemed friendly and even flirty with other customers, but also guarded. In any case, when I was in the process of asking her to do something, she more or less interrupted and asked me if I wanted to do something (tomorrow at this point). I said yes, we exchanged numbers, and I went on my way. Now at this point, I was assuming interest. We talked this morning and figured out what we were doing tomorrow. A few hours ago, I got a text saying that she didn't want to send the wrong message and that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. While I personally don't really believe two single people can be friends for any length of time if there is any attraction, she said that she does. OK, fair enough.

Here's my question: what is *really* going on? Either she's telling the truth and she accidentally sent a lot of messages or, as I am wondering, had second thoughts for whatever reason. Why isn't important, of course, but what is more logical? It doesn't take long for any sort of doubt to creep in. Don't get me wrong, I will simply ask her tomorrow (subtlety is not my strong point), but I did wonder if this was a common occurrence.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

She just said she didn't want a BF,but maybe she's looking for a FWB.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

TBT said:


> She just said she didn't want a BF,but maybe she's looking for a FWB.


Yea, that's my thought too.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

She is stupid and immature. 

She changed her mind. Period. You are right... why doesn't matter.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Second thoughts I'm guessing.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Hard to say, could be lots of things. 

She may flirt hoping to get better tips. 

She may be at a low point in her relationship and likes the validation of male attention, but she is not ready to leave.

She loves the power of teasing men.

At any rate, you are lucky to be rid of her. No wasted time on a tease who likes drama.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Re: the title

To the typical male of the species... they are irrational, fun, beautiful, sexy, impatient, controlling, devious, loving, smart, hostile maniacs, affectionate, tolerant, nagging, incomprehensible mysteries. 

Do you need any more contradictions, or is this enough to convey the point? 

Men like ordered things - put in quarters, out pops soda. We understand them. Women are not that way. 

We, as species are NOT uniform. We're all individuals, with a huge array of characteristics... women tend to lean towards one grouping of those and men towards another. But every individual is unique, and there's so much complexity and such variety to us, that there is no "understanding women" to be had. You will never "understand" someone till you've gotten to REALLY know them, and I know a lot of happily married couples with more than 50 years of being married that say they still do not understand each other well. 

There's often a grain of truth to stereotypes or generalizations, because, as I said, the sexes tend to lean toward certain groupings, but this is no hard and fast rule - there's a vast array of non-compliance with said ideas. 

As to what the one in the bar is about? I haven't the faintest idea. I just know by experience I'd take NOTHING for granted until it's communicated reliably and confirmed, between the two of you.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> She loves the power of teasing men.


I can honestly say that I have never been attractive enough to a woman that even one, EVER, has been a tease. 

Friends, I had tons of them when I was single. I was "safe", "reliable" and "boring as hell". I have learned to accept that. I refuse to "live" like I'm something I'm not.


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

When you know, please share the secrets!!! 

You said "Help me understand women"


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

PUA Forums | The Attraction Forums | The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed

This is a much better forum IMO, to ask this particular question in.


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## FS8 (Jun 17, 2011)

I have no interest in anything related to pickup artists or anything of the sort, and as a general rule anything related to a website with the letters "PUA" is to be avoided. In any case, I am inclined to go with my instincts.

Following our exchange yesterday - the "not looking for a boyfriend" exchange - we decided to go out anyway. Having just returned, I can tell you that I will quite personally be damned if she isn't into me. It was quite possibly the most enjoyable time I have ever had with a female, my ex of nearly twelve years included. I ended up telling her that I would really have liked to kiss her, but ended up just saying goodnight instead. I told her she made me feel a lot of things I haven't felt in a while, and the most appropriate word (which I couldn't find at the time) would be "alive." Whatever the case may be, I am still *thoroughly* confused by women.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

FS8 said:


> I have no interest in anything related to pickup artists or anything of the sort, and as a general rule anything related to a website with the letters "PUA" is to be avoided. In any case, I am inclined to go with my instincts.
> 
> Following our exchange yesterday - the "not looking for a boyfriend" exchange - we decided to go out anyway. Having just returned, I can tell you that I will quite personally be damned if she isn't into me. It was quite possibly the most enjoyable time I have ever had with a female, my ex of nearly twelve years included.* I ended up telling her that I would really have liked to kiss her, but ended up just saying goodnight instead. I told her she made me feel a lot of things I haven't felt in a while, and the most appropriate word (which I couldn't find at the time) would be "alive." Whatever the case may be, I am still *thoroughly* confused by women*.


You're acting a little " clingy " and insecure.
That's why she sent you that text first before .
Next time if the chemistry is there, just go for the kiss, don't ask. Create the space, and make your move.
There may be a lot of issues going on with her .
You are also giving off signals to her,and she is reading you.
Just act normal.
Don't act desperate for her friendship.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

That line cracks me up and yes I've said it back when I was young and stupid. I said it to my now husband early on. My words were I'm not looking for anything "serious". Translation: my life is too complicated and busy for a boyfriend right now.

Yeah like that worked. 3 dates later and I was hooked. LOL


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

As soon as you think you got them figured out they do something illogical or doesn't make sense to us guys just be yourself 
If something happens it happens if not move on their are billions of other woman out there and besides 
Woman outnumber men so the odds are for ya 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> You're acting a little " clingy " and insecure.
> That's why she sent you that text first before .
> Next time if the chemistry is there, just go for the kiss, don't ask. Create the space, and make your move.
> There may be a lot of issues going on with her .
> ...


Agreed FS8. Don't over think this and screw it up. Part of her attraction to you may be that you seemed aloof and non nonchalant at first. You admit you cannot read body language so I'm guessing you were sending mixed signals to her partly due to your lack of reading signals.

Hmm. I don't know 8. The dating ritual is pretty complicated and I'm no master but.... I know some things that may help. Be confident (yea should have got that kiss already. Get it next time), be assertive BUT NOT PUSHY ( I mean don't act scared) , be nice but not clingy (I mean don't show your hand too quick. Let her think you like her a lot but don't get all mushy), 

..... AND DON'T LISTEN TO ANY WOMEN ON HERE OR ANYWHERE ELSE TELLING YOU HOW TO PICK UP A WOMEN. THEY DON'T KNOW :smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Oldgeezer said:* To the typical male of the species... they are irrational, fun, beautiful, sexy, impatient, controlling, devious, loving, smart, hostile maniacs, affectionate, tolerant, nagging, incomprehensible mysteries.
> 
> Do you need any more contradictions, or is this enough to convey the point?


 As a woman, I so agree with this... God help you men!! 

Got a gf (the emotional baggage she carries is staggering- due to how her Ex treated her)....she's a beauty who gets the attention too easy but is incapable of trusting.....she's outright told me she says one thing - but means another to the guys she meets.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

FS8 said:


> I have no interest in anything related to pickup artists or anything of the sort, and as a general rule anything related to a website with the letters "PUA" is to be avoided. In any case, I am inclined to go with my instincts.
> 
> Following our exchange yesterday - the "not looking for a boyfriend" exchange - we decided to go out anyway. Having just returned, I can tell you that I will quite personally be damned if she isn't into me. It was quite possibly the most enjoyable time I have ever had with a female, my ex of nearly twelve years included. I ended up telling her that I would really have liked to kiss her, but ended up just saying goodnight instead. I told her she made me feel a lot of things I haven't felt in a while, and the most appropriate word (which I couldn't find at the time) would be "alive." *Whatever the case may be, I am still *thoroughly* confused by women.*



That’s because they set out to confuse. Works, doesn’t it.


Some say that women make the first move in any relationship and that men respond. So women are the initiators, as is the case here. Discount those guys who play the numbers game, just keep asking different women till one says yes.


But why should she set out to confuse you? It’s not complicated, she just doesn’t want to be seen to be too easy. She sent you loads of signals over a few days, you didn’t respond so she asked you if you want to go out. So far, she’s done all the running, hasn’t she.


And what did you go and do? I guess you somewhat let her down as you did after she’d sent you her signals. Is it really going to be the case that she has to be the one to actually physically initiate the first kiss?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Attraction , dating, love , marriage and sex wouldn't be fun if women simply said and acted in a manner that was completely logical.
Because women are half mystery , half crazy and half logical , men become attracted to them on a deeper level than just physical.
The " 3 halves " make them completely awesome........


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Sounds like a rather silly thing to say to someone before a first date; a little presumptuous of her, even... I'd go on the date, but play it 'cool.' She might have thought you were a little too interested (you obviously observed her quite a bit) and wanted to put the brakes on, but in that case I don't know why she would have helped initiate a date with you in the first place. Take it slowly, OP.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

She digs you.

She displayed numerous and blatant IOI's (Indicators of Interest). And for the record, that's PickUp Artist lingo.

She wasn't sure where you stood ... so she asked you out.

Felt uncertain about her forwardness in suggesting a date. She didn't want to seem terribly invested in you ... so she threw out the bit of not wanting a boyfriend; also giving you the opportunity to reject her, without any further emotional investment on her part.

Kissing can be a funny thing. I have purposely waited beyond the first date sometimes, to initialize a kiss. On other's I've pulled her into my arms and planted one on her within the first hour. Occasionally, I have stated, "I'm going to kiss you now." or ... "May I kiss you?" Usually get a laugh, or a "How sweet ..." All depends on the woman. In your case? My suggestion on your next date, is that the moment you see her, wrap your left arm around her waist, place your right hand behind her neck, pull her gently into you and kiss her. Then say "Hi."

As AFEH noted and hopefully of which you shall become more aware ... they send signals. The bulk of these signals are telepathic. Of course ... we are not telepathic, but they don't know that ... or care for that matter.

So.

Understand women? That's easy ...

All women are basically crazy. It's just a matter of degree.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

wow all the thought that goes into understanding women,getting a woman into bed,hitting on a woman...

and here I thought all a man had to do was be honest,be direct,and be himself.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

ScarletBegonias said:


> wow all the thought that goes into understanding women,getting a woman into bed,hitting on a woman...
> 
> and here I thought all a man had to do was be honest,be direct,and be himself.


Nope. If being yourself means that you can't read body language, are awkward in conversation, lack self-confidence, direction, have no personal filter, and haven't showered for a week .... AND you want to meet a woman?

Then no ... you need to learn to be something more than yourself.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Nope. If being yourself means that you can't read body language, are awkward in conversation, lack self-confidence, direction, have no personal filter, and haven't showered for a week .... AND you want to meet a woman?
> 
> Then no ... you need to learn to be something more than yourself.


I put that in the category of learning and growing. a person shouldn't do that for someone else,they should do it for themselves.

better yourself for yourself and the women shall follow 

better yourself for a woman and the changes likely won't stick.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ScarletBegonias said:


> and here I thought all a man had to do was be honest,be direct,and be himself.


Personally this is what would work for me...but I think I am a little different among women. I do not care for people who deal in TOO MUCH mystery, tying to reel me in....I'd loose patience with it and think -well he ain't interested - so screw 'im... I'll look for someone more open & honest- that isn't dangling my a$$ from a carrot. 

No personal filter needed, I'd probably find it more entertaining that way. After all, it's going to come out eventually in the wash. 

Some direction in life -essential. And of course, he'd have to shower every day. A little social awkwardness, I wouldn't throw him to the wind, not if he is good looking!! Outward Confidence is grand... but some of the more introverted men may not shine here (at 1st)....I dig a little deeper ....*Integrity* & *Character* mean more to me...hence ...getting back to... just being who you really are.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

FS8 said:


> A few hours ago, I got a text saying that she didn't want to send the wrong message and that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. While I personally don't really believe two single people can be friends for any length of time if there is any attraction, she said that she does. OK, fair enough.


Maybe she's trying to collect you as another girlfriend with a p**is (GWAP). Does she have a harem of guy friends?

Don't tell/ask her for a kiss. Make your move to cut through the BS, and find out where you stand with her.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Personally this is what would work for me...but I think I am a little different among women. I do not care for people who deal in TOO MUCH mystery, tying to reel me in....I'd loose patience with it and think -well he ain't interested - so screw 'im... I'll look for someone more open & honest- that isn't dangling my a$$ from a carrot.
> 
> No personal filter needed, I'd probably find it more entertaining that way. After all, it's going to come out eventually in the wash.
> 
> Some direction in life -essential. And of course, he'd have to shower every day. A little social awkwardness, I wouldn't throw him to the wind, not if he is good looking!! Outward Confidence is grand... but some of the more introverted men may not shine here (at 1st)....I dig a little deeper ....*Integrity* & *Character* mean more to me...hence ...getting back to... just being who you really are.


:smthumbup::iagree:

im a weirdo.i like socially awkward,introverted men. i tend to trust them faster than the polished,smooth,outgoing guys.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> and here I thought all a man had to do was be honest,be direct,and be himself.


- Honest. We all should be that.
- Direct. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
- Respect. Self respect and respect for her (because you respect others in general).
- Confidence. You've heard the phrase "act like you've been there". This is huge. It means believe in yourself that you deserve to be desired.
- Be yourself. I know what SB is saying and yes that's another part of confidence. Be yourself regarding your core principles but don't confuse this concept? Be your best self is more like it. I don't recall many dates where the girl wasn't all fixed up.

OP, you have control over yourself and that's it. If it works then it works. If not then so be it. Just don't shoot yourself in the foot by trying too hard or getting insecure. That's death to your attractiveness.


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## FS8 (Jun 17, 2011)

thunderstruck said:


> Maybe she's trying to collect you as another girlfriend with a p**is (GWAP). Does she have a harem of guy friends?
> 
> Don't tell/ask her for a kiss. Make your move to cut through the BS, and find out where you stand with her.


Good Lord, between here and my friends there are 25 different people telling me 25 different things. Some of them make a little bit of sense, some make a lot, and some make none at all. I do not understand the logic behind going to kiss somebody who *just* said, in English, they weren't looking to be more than friends. Am I supposed to ignore that? Her words and actions don't add up, so at best it's 50/50. I tend to go with the language I understand (well, the one I understand more). I can guarantee I would have gone for it had she not said what she said the day before because all signals, verbal and otherwise, would've pointed in one direction. I can't really understand what to do when people send mixed signals. I don't think anybody can. It becomes a gamble at a certain point.

I dislike this game in general. I tend to say exactly what I mean and if that's somehow bad or not smooth or whatever, then so be it. I'm a human, not a damn Nicholas Sparks novel. I don't have anything to prove to anybody, but women drive me crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Personally this is what would work for me...but I think I am a little different among women. I do not care for people who deal in TOO MUCH mystery, tying to reel me in....I'd loose patience with it and think -well he ain't interested - so screw 'im... I'll look for someone more open & honest- that isn't dangling my a$$ from a carrot.


Yea I never liked that game playing crap either. That's part of being direct. If you like her and had a good time then go for a little kiss, tell her you had a good time, tell her you'd like to go out again. 

Don't look all dreamy eyed while doing these things on first dates, don't invade her space calling all of the time, don't act like you're surprised she's into you even if you are. Some of this only applies when first dating.

Correct me if I'm way off base in your opinion SA. I'm no expert.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

FS8 said:


> I do not understand the logic behind going to kiss somebody who *just* said, in English, they weren't looking to be more than friends. Am I supposed to ignore that? Her words and actions don't add up, so at best it's 50/50.
> 
> It becomes a gamble at a certain point.


So...you don't go for a kiss b/c she told you she doesn't want to be more than your friend. Then...why are you hanging out with her? Do you just want to be her friend? 

Yes, it's a gamble. She is not being direct with her words, and that probably won't change. Be direct in your actions, or she'll keep slow-rolling you with her games.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Apparently a woman will send out five signals to a man she’s interested in, finds attractive, before she gives up if she doesn’t get a response.

Some signals the woman is totally aware of, others she isn’t. It can be things as simple as where her feet are pointing, if she’s sat down where her knees are pointing etc. Then there’s pulling back her hair to reveal her neck demonstrating that she finds the man not only attractive but that she desires him as well. A lot of women, just like men, are not aware of their own body language, it can be subconscious as well as conscious so it can get confusing.

I think it behoves the man to get to know the body language signals women send out, there are very many of them. These guys are the experts in this field Pease International - Body Language | Relationship Advice. I feel certain many men knock on doors that are never going to open yet walk right by doors actually held open for them.


It really does help a guy to think that a woman will initiate a relationship with him and watch out for the signs. But at the same time keep in mind the very last thing she’ll want to do is come across as being blatant and easy.

For women it’s a bit like trying to catch a fish. In that they put the bait in the water yet the last thing they want is for the fish to see the bait but still get hooked! If a guy is looking for a new relationship he should go about his day looking out for the bait be it in the queue at a supermarket or wherever.


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## FS8 (Jun 17, 2011)

thunderstruck said:


> So...you don't go for a kiss b/c she told you she doesn't want to be more than your friend. Then...why are you hanging out with her? Do you just want to be her friend?
> 
> Yes, it's a gamble. She is not being direct with her words, and that probably won't change. Be direct in your actions, or she'll keep slow-rolling you with her games.


No, I did not think that I would want to be her friend because I don't believe it would be possible. After yesterday, I am thoroughly convinced it wouldn't be. When she asked if we could hang out as friends my response was "we can certainly try." I tried. That isn't happening for me.

I don't know when I will talk to her next, but I will simply ask and let her know that her actions do not correspond with her words. If we aren't on the same page, then that's that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> wow all the thought that goes into understanding women,getting a woman into bed,hitting on a woman...
> 
> and here I thought all a man had to do was be honest,be direct,and be himself.


If women didn’t make relationships so exceedingly complex then the whole thing would be seriously easy.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

AFEH said:


> If women didn’t make relationships so exceedingly complex then the whole thing would be seriously easy.


at the risk of betraying my gender,i have to agree.


but i'm sure there are "reasons" women are the way they are and i bet it stems from something a man did to them at some point.


 we're all screwed. lol


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

FS8 said:


> No, I did not think that I would want to be her friend because I don't believe it would be possible. After yesterday, I am thoroughly convinced it wouldn't be. When she asked if we could hang out as friends my response was "we can certainly try." I tried. That isn't happening for me.
> 
> I don't know when I will talk to her next, but I will simply ask and let her know that her actions do not correspond with her words. If we aren't on the same page, then that's that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah. I see you’re to take the scientific approach. You must be seriously disinterested in her.


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## PAC (Sep 20, 2012)

FS8 said:


> I do not understand the logic behind going to kiss somebody who *just* said, in English, they weren't looking to be more than friends. Am I supposed to ignore that? Her words and actions don't add up, so at best it's 50/50. I tend to go with the language I understand (well, the one I understand more).


If a woman's verbal and nonverbal language isn't matching up, usually the nonverbal is the more correct message to read. She probably never will give you a 100% clear answer. I would say to go for it - the risk is part of the fun.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> at the risk of betraying my gender,i have to agree.
> 
> 
> but i'm sure there are "reasons" women are the way they are and i bet it stems from something a man did to them at some point.
> ...


First thing a man learns, from the woman's point of view it's all his fault.


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## FS8 (Jun 17, 2011)

AFEH said:


> Ah. I see you’re to take the scientific approach. You must be seriously disinterested in her.


I'll be sure to put on a lab coat first.

In all seriousness, I'm not going to torture myself. What am I supposed to do? Go out again with the same assumption (friends)? Three times? I don't know. It would be impossible for her not to know my intentions because I don't hide them. I have no reason to do that. I'm sure my body language is enough, but I am pretty direct with words also.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think it al depends on what you see her as , and what you're looking for.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

FS8 said:


> I'll be sure to put on a lab coat first.
> 
> In all seriousness, I'm not going to torture myself. What am I supposed to do? Go out again with the same assumption (friends)? Three times? I don't know. It would be impossible for her not to know my intentions because I don't hide them. I have no reason to do that. I'm sure my body language is enough, but I am pretty direct with words also.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your life your choice.


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## FS8 (Jun 17, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> I think it al depends on what you see her as , and what you're looking for.


Possibly the most enjoyable length of time I've ever spent with a woman, for what that's worth. That's probably the best way to describe what I see her as.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

On this whole words/actions/confusion thing...back in college I asked a coworker if she wanted hang out the next day. I thought she was out of my league, but we always had fun at work, so I just figured we'd hang out and laugh. She agreed, and gave me no signals that it would be more than just as friends. We spent a good part of the day together. I was relaxed/confident b/c I expected nothing, and she continued to give me zero signals. 

I dropped her off at her house, and walked her to her door. Still no signals, and then she was all over me. :scratchhead: So...I don't know, maybe I was blind to how she was acting up to that point. I was confused as hell as I drove away, but we ended up dating for about a year.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Strange creatures women. I’ve been sat with a few mates totally minding my own business while they’re trying to pull. We all get up to go off somewhere and one of the women I’d been ignoring out of honest disinterest just grabbed hold of me. Messed my mates off no end.

Sometimes the best way to get a woman is to totally ignore her. They defy logic and reasoning.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

FS8 said:


> Possibly the most enjoyable length of time I've ever spent with a woman, for what that's worth. That's probably the best way to describe what I see her as.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then DO be direct. Go for the kiss.
If she shirks away ... which I bet she won't; then you can be direct with your words. "Sorry, guess I'm not interested in being your buddy."

Win/Win.

By the way, and I hope it goes without saying ... but given that she has set the expectation that you guys 'are just friends' ... then you shouldn't be paying for your outings.

Whether you like it or not ... you ARE in a game. That being the case, I always find it interesting that people refuse to learn the rules. Because once you do, you clearly get to set your own.

Here is my simple philosophy; DO be yourself. Unless who you are gets in the way of what you want.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

FS8 said:


> I tend to say exactly what I mean and if that's somehow bad or not smooth or whatever, then so be it. I'm a human, not a damn Nicholas Sparks novel. I don't have anything to prove to anybody, but women drive me crazy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


FS8,

With all due respect, saying exactly what you think you mean has very little effect on whether or not the recipient of your message understands what you think you meant. Especially when the target of you message is a member of the opposite sex. "Letting it be at that" potentially dooms you (and your associates) to the pain and confusion of miscommunication for the foreseeable future. To communicate successfully, it is simply mandatory that you gain an understanding of other person and take it into account.

Back to your original question, when a woman says she is "not looking for a boyfriend", that's exactly what she means at the exact moment she says it. If she doesn't have immediate plans to join a convent, the unspoken words I would hear are "I'll give you a chance to convince me I need a boyfriend" followed by "I'll give you a chance to convince me you are the boyfriend I need".

If you decide to act, there is always a risk because you are making yourself emotionally vulnerable. No risk, no gain, no way around it. There is no way you can predict the future. Try to be sure you are not taking yourself out of the game before you start making progress


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

FS8 said:


> Possibly the most enjoyable length of time I've ever spent with a woman, for what that's worth. That's probably the best way to describe what I see her as.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One of the most important lesson I've learnt in life is:

Nobody GIVES you anything,you have to get it yourself.

Its obvious she likes you.

Forget what you think she's saying, and look at what her body is saying. 

My wife told me the same thing about being friends, and within one year we were married.
We have been married for quite some time.

Think about where you want this to go and TAKE HER THERE.


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## FS8 (Jun 17, 2011)

Just for kicks, I thought I would post an update here.

As it turns out, she is in a relationship (long-distance, so basically mostly a pen pal thing) and thus somewhat "resists" my advances. This does not change the fact that the time we spend together is fantastic. She knows this, I know this, and the people who see us together know this (whether they actually know us or not). Sometimes I get the impression that she is trying to be "good" - like pretend not to like me, but that doesn't seem to last long. Whatever the case may be, I suppose that I am in the position of being a "friend" even though neither of us feels that way. 

In retrospect, it was the simplest answer. For those wondering, I will be looking to move forward with other people. Maybe this changes her mind and maybe it doesn't. Hell, maybe I will even meet somebody I connect with like her.

As Dean Martin said, ain't that a kick in the head.


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