# Would you be disappointed with this Valentine's Day?



## Roses919191 (Dec 24, 2013)

We've been dating 7 months. He isn't a fan of valentines day because h thinks it's less meaningful to do things for someone on a certain day only because you "have to," vs any other day. But I told him it was important to me & mentioned I'd gotten him a gift. Here's what he did: 

Texted first thing in morning (we were both at work) to wish me happy Vday & tell me I'm the best girlfriend any guy could ask for. Made dinner reservations. Showed up with 1 single rose. Gave me a card with a short but nice message. No gift. Meanwhile I gave him a fancy wine bottle to unwrap, then got online & showed him where we'd be drinking it: a weekend stay at this beachside condo that I just knew he'd love for a few specific reasons. (I'm not a big beach person myself.) anyhow, what the heck? He also still hasn't said he loves me. Yet claims he's so happy with me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

You are not thinking from his point of view. I think he did a great job. 

Men think differently from women. Why is this certain day so important? It's important because everybody is doing it. Sometimes we have to tell ourselves not to follow what other people are doing. 

US scientists did a study. It says it's true love if you don't expect gifts from your significant other. I actually agree with it.

We would buy flowers, buy gifts, eat fancy dinners, and stay at fancy hotels on any other day, but not on Valentine's Day. We show our love for each other in many different ways, but we don't do anything special on this day.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I'm disappointed in your reaction to what he did for you for VDay.
He gave you a card, a rose & took you out to dinner, he went out of his way to acknowledge Vday to you, even though he told you he wasn't a fan of the day.
I hope he was not aware of your disappointment, as that is a sure fire way to get a man to never do another special thing for you.
Also, to compare your gifts to him versus what he gave you is crass & tacky.
Gifts do NOT come with expectations, you accept the gift with class & dignity, you do NOT do a cost analysis. 
If you feel your gifts were superior to his, then next time, remember that he even bothered to get you anything, lots of people didn't give their SO anything. 
Regarding him not saying he loves you, do you love him?
Are you exclusive? Have you had the "are we exclusive" talk?


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

I don't wish to come across as insensitive. I really don't...

He sent you a thoughtful text.
He gave you a rose.
He took you out to dinner where you look down at the menu instead of up.

It sounds to me like he heard your message: that Valentine's Day is important to you. After all, he did the above, right. You're setting yourself up for failure and disappointment...


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Roses919191 said:


> We've been dating 7 months. He isn't a fan of valentines day because h thinks it's less meaningful to do things for someone on a certain day only because you "have to," vs any other day. But I told him it was important to me & mentioned I'd gotten him a gift. Here's what he did:
> 
> *Texted first thing in morning (we were both at work) to wish me happy Vday & tell me I'm the best girlfriend any guy could ask for*. Made dinner reservations. Showed up with 1 single rose. Gave me a card with a short but nice message. No gift. Meanwhile I gave him a fancy wine bottle to unwrap, then got online & showed him where we'd be drinking it: a weekend stay at this beachside condo that I just knew he'd love for a few specific reasons. (I'm not a big beach person myself.) anyhow, what the heck? He also still hasn't said he loves me. Yet claims he's so happy with me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would be happy if I just got that. 

Your BF is great. His love, his thought, the rose, and the dinner are wonderful gifts.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

What were you expecting? Another trip? IMO, he did more than enough. He's not a fan of the day, as you stated. But, because YOU like it, he did something. Tbh, the fact that you are complaining that he didn't do "enough" makes you sound ungrateful. I really hope he doesn't know how you really felt about his efforts. Actually, I kinda hope he DOES know. Based on this post... I feel sorry... FOR HIM!


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

He sounds like he really enjoys experiencing things with you - a nice morning conversation, dinner, and when you gave him the wine, he immediately tried to turn it into something you guys could share together.

You, on the other hand, are tallying gift counts and noticing what didn't happen more than what did.

My advice would be to either notice how great he is treating you right now, or provide him with a written document showing him a sliding scale of your gift expectations per year of relationship (so he knows what he's getting into).


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Please leave him! I'm sure many girls will want him and he can be happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Good grief.

No, I would not be disappointed. So you got him a "better" gift in your eyes. Well, if the size of the gift matters then perhaps you should have told him.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Roses919191 said:


> *He isn't a fan of valentines day *because h thinks it's less meaningful to do things for someone on a certain day only because you "have to," vs any other day. *But I told him it was important to me *& mentioned I'd gotten him a gift. *Here's what he did*:
> 
> 
> Texted first thing in morning (we were both at work) to wish me happy Vday & tell me I'm the best girlfriend any guy could ask for.
> ...


*Here's what YOU did: *

were disappointed about the "single" rose
were disappointed about the "short" message
were disappointed about no gift 
a bottle of wine
a weekend stay at this beachside condo (I'm not a big beach person myself) 
wondered what the heck?



> He also still hasn't said he loves me.


I'd assume you're in your early-to-mid twenties, because for the rest of us, seven months is NOT very long to be dating and expect to hear "I love you." Your bf is taking his time in moving this relationship forward, at least he's not a jump-in and what-the-hell kind of guy...he's SERIOUS.

For a guy who doesn't like Valentine's Day, he made a LOT OF EFFORT to meet your expectations. You, on the other hand, spent a lot of money to meet expectations for a day he doesn't really care about.

I'd suggest you read The Five Love Languages and determine *what* your love language is (I'm thinking maybe it's gifts - no judgment, you're entitled to feel love any way you want to.) If things get serious with him, you can have him read the book as well (I'm thinking his language is acts of service). Then you will know *how* to give each other 'love' in a way that is received and understood.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

What you describe as your date is likely fairly typical Valentine's Day activities for most people, OP. We didn't do anything on Valentine's Day itself because we were both working. 

So earlier in the week we had a nice dinner and saw a movie. He did get me flowers and brought them by to me at work so I could show them off. No card exchange. I bought him some new shirts/ties, as he prefers more practical-minded gifts. 

Most people don't have the time to take off from work or the money to go on a beach vacation for Valentine's Day, so - few of us can likely really hold that as a stick of comparison to your date, which honestly, sounded pretty normal. 

What's the chance that you are combining your disappointment in him not saying I love you with how you felt about this date?


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## Roses919191 (Dec 24, 2013)

You're 100 percent right, it's about my disappointment in him not saying I love you yet. I didn't even get him a card because it was just awkward and bad for me to have to give one that didn't say "I love you."


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Roses919191 said:


> You're 100 percent right, it's about my disappointment in him not saying I love you yet. I didn't even get him a card because it was just awkward and bad for me to have to give one that didn't say "I love you."


Well, have you had a talk yet about begin exclusive?
Are you two on the same page as far as the progression of your relationship?
Have you discussed your future together?
If not, then you need to speak your mind, let him know where you stand in where you want to see your relationship progress.
Unless you ask for what you want, your SO is free to accept whatever he assumes is the status quo.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Roses919191 said:


> it's about my disappointment in him not saying I love you yet.


Why are you waiting for HIM to say it? Why can't YOU say it?

afraid of rejection?
not sure this is 'forever'?
may make you seem too 'eager'?

Whatever it is, he may be feeling the exact same way. What would be wrong with you saying it to him first and starting the whole 'where are we going with this relationship' conversation?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Stage 5 clinger.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I looked at OP's other threads.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...152953-female-coworker-am-i-overreacting.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/162473-he-wasting-my-time.html

There's nothing wrong with the boyfriend, OP. Look in the mirror.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Precious, way too precious.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

You went hugely overboard, and didn't appreciate his efforts at all, despite him telling you he didn't even like v day. Sounds like you are all about you with that sort of attitude.

As for the 'I love you' thing, which is an issue all on it's own really, it doesn't sound like you've said it either, so how can you justify complaining about it? If you feel it, say it. If he doesn't, at least you know.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

Roses919191 said:


> You're 100 percent right, it's about my disappointment in him not saying I love you yet. I didn't even get him a card because it was just awkward and bad for me to have to give one that didn't say "I love you."


I'm a firm believer in the idea that actions say far more than words ever could.

He despises Valentine's, yet he _listened_ to your need to celebrate it, and he followed through with a simple, romantic evening. It wasn't the grandiose spectacle you were hoping for, but it took effort, time and a bit of money and he did it for _you_. 

He doesn't have to say those three words to _show_ it.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

And this is why so many men are terrified of and loathe Valentines Day...


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

I did try this year. 

I purchased some gifts for my wife, jewelry, etc.

Due to work issues, took her out on saturday to eat.

I think she also tried this year. We did have a nice evening together and she was trying.

Your boyfriend was trying and he did some nice things. You did as well. Hope you get the courage to communicate your feelings to him and that he will respond with his feelings. 

Try not to keep score, it interferes with the positive actions that did occur.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I get the feeling that the OP won't be back. She's probably seeking out people who will agree with her that he is a scumbag and a loser and that she should dump him...

...and maybe even on AM by now.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I'm curious as to what she would have wanted instead of what he did. The thought was there so she can't say it's the thought that counts.


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## Roses919191 (Dec 24, 2013)

My actual issue is him not saying the words "I love you." He's not a very verbally expressive guy in general. The best he's ever said is: "I've never felt about anyone in my life the way I feel about you," "you don't have to worry about where this Is going because I'm 100 percent committed to you & everything is going to happen for us," and all his actions really are consistent with that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Let me give you one guys take on this. Some people say "I love you" art the drop of a hat. But for some of us saying those words carry enormous weight and significance. We're betting all our chips when we say it. 

We don't know if he's like that or not. Being obsessive about it or seeing overly possessive can cause us to hold back. You're more likely to hear those words if you can let go of the obsessions and let him feel free. I'd say try that for a while, a couple months at least.

And then, off you haven't heard it, you could say it first. In the few really serious relationships I've had, she always said it first. If you do that, you still need not to obsess or demand that he say the same thing. If he doesn't after an appropriate time, then you'll know.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Roses919191 said:


> My actual issue is him not saying the words "I love you." He's not a very verbally expressive guy in general. The best he's ever said is: "I've never felt about anyone in my life the way I feel about you," "you don't have to worry about where this Is going because I'm 100 percent committed to you & everything is going to happen for us," and all his actions really are consistent with that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I tell my wife 'I love you' more that once a day, we hug multiple times ad day. We are in love after thirty years of marriage.

Not telling 'I love you'??

That is because he is honest and does not love you.

You know that....


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

I read the OP and was waiting for the punchline. What the heck? He even went this far after admitting he didn't believe in vday much. That means he took your needs seriously.

As for the "ILY", 7 months is fine. So what. Judge him by his actions, not his words. Heck, there's a lot of people on both sides who'd be running if those words were said too early anyway. It's happened to me several times.

I think your expectations are unreasonable.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Not telling 'I love you'??
> 
> That is because he is honest and does not love you.
> 
> You know that....


Oh, come on!!! Geesh.


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## Chumpless (Oct 30, 2012)

Roses919191 said:


> My actual issue is him not saying the words "I love you." He's not a very verbally expressive guy in general. The best he's ever said is: "I've never felt about anyone in my life the way I feel about you," "you don't have to worry about where this Is going because I'm 100 percent committed to you & everything is going to happen for us," and all his actions really are consistent with that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ummm? Hello!?


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## Roses919191 (Dec 24, 2013)

So is that one poster arguing I should break up with my bf & say the reason was that he doesn't love me?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

*Re: Re: Would you be disappointed with this Valentine's Day?*



Roses919191 said:


> So is that one poster arguing I should break up with my bf & say the reason was that he doesn't love me?!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smh:


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Roses919191 said:


> We've been dating 7 months. He isn't a fan of valentines day because h thinks it's less meaningful to do things for someone on a certain day only because you "have to," vs any other day. But I told him it was important to me & mentioned I'd gotten him a gift. Here's what he did:
> 
> Texted first thing in morning (we were both at work) to wish me happy Vday & tell me I'm the best girlfriend any guy could ask for. Made dinner reservations. Showed up with 1 single rose. Gave me a card with a short but nice message. No gift. Meanwhile I gave him a fancy wine bottle to unwrap, then got online & showed him where we'd be drinking it: a weekend stay at this beachside condo that I just knew he'd love for a few specific reasons. (I'm not a big beach person myself.) anyhow, what the heck? He also still hasn't said he loves me. Yet claims he's so happy with me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One issue with Valenines day is that each year you set the level for next year's expectations. What he has done is make an effort. You sound rather high maintenance to be honest.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Roses919191 said:


> My actual issue is him not saying the words "I love you." He's not a very verbally expressive guy in general. The best he's ever said is: "I've never felt about anyone in my life the way I feel about you," "you don't have to worry about where this Is going because I'm 100 percent committed to you & everything is going to happen for us," and all his actions really are consistent with that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have to take him the way he is. You can't make him verbally expressive as you. A lot of people express affection through actions or gifts. Words alone don't mean much. 

The other thing he is he may not feel for you what you feel for him. He may like you, care about you, but he doesn't feel love. So should he make up something just so that you feel better? I prefer straight shooters instead of people who say things they think I want to hear.

I've read so many of your threads. It seems like this man will have to do SO much to please you. You nitpick at so many things he does. If I were him, I'd get tired of it after a while. I'd move to the next girl because who needs the hassle of a clingy girlfriend.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Roses919191 said:


> So is that one poster arguing I should break up with my bf & say the reason was that he doesn't love me?!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't get what you're looking for, Roses? Your answers seem incredibly smarmy and know-it-all!

What do you want someone to say, "Wow, Roses, don't worry! I'm sure he loves you! You're the most wonderful person in the whole wide world! What a lucky dude! We all wish we were him!"

There! YOU happy now?

To be honest, I think *he should dump you* and quickly. You seem very immature, unappreciative and materialistic, and way too young for a real relationship. But, hey,



> "that one poster arguing your bf should break up with you & say the reason was that you don't love him as well as you love yourself?!"


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## Roses919191 (Dec 24, 2013)

I just feel hurt because he really seems to like me & I don't think he wants to break up with me at all, so I have no clue why he doesn't love me. I don't know if it's a cultural difference... he grew up in another country & always says how his parents raised him to never express feelings.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

What country is he from?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Roses919191 said:


> I just feel hurt because he really seems to like me & I don't think he wants to break up with me at all, so I have no clue why he doesn't love me. I don't know if it's a cultural difference... he grew up in another country & always says how his parents raised him to never express feelings.



and besides that, 'why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free'?


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## Jennifer9480 (Feb 24, 2014)

Most men tend to look at relationships a lot different than women. By nature, we are meant to have that immediate bond with people. Whether women realize it or not, it's something we use to determine whether or not someone deserves our attention right from the start. Just because he hasn't said he loves you doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't feel it. There are a lot of men who don't/can't voice their feelings like that. Honestly, they aren't really wired that way. To me, 7 months is such a short period to gauge anything on. It was stated that you planned a very beautiful celebration for the holiday, but to him what he did was beautiful too, particularly because of his feelings about the holiday. I can see both sides. I agree with him on Vday being pointless to a degree, but I also see how you want it to be a special day. But, knowing how he felt about it, could you not compromise? Be romantic on your end following his gesture, but not so over-the-top as to outshine what he had put a lot of effort into? Communication is a big factor in any relationship, whether you're dating, engaged, married, or divorced. I discovered that the hard way. Maybe the two of you should sit down and talk about how you feel. He may not say those 3 little words, but if it's there, you'll feel it without the words ever being said.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would be happy if a guy did those tings for me on V Day. It seems to be you are creating problems that don't exist.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

ugh.poor guy. He has noooo idea what he's getting into I imagine.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

OP, he sounds like a great guy....who is honest, doesn't choose words lightly, who's actions speak louder than words. 

There is no rule that two people must fall in love at the same time. And some people are more verbally expressive than others. My husband rarely says "I love you"......but he shows it all the time by doing plenty of little things....I'd take actions over words any day.

I think the way you are going, you're going to blow it. And you will only appreciate what you had when he's gone.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Roses919191 said:


> So is that one poster arguing I should break up with my bf & say the reason was that he doesn't love me?!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you have a need to create drama in your life, or do you just wonder why it keeps happening?

He was good to you on Valentine's Day. Let it drop, because it's becoming pretty apparent that if he HAD said those three words, then you would have just found something different to complain about anyway.

Learn to appreciate the positive things in life rather than to look for the negatives, small as they may be.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Roses919191 said:


> So is that one poster arguing I should break up with my bf & say the reason was that he doesn't love me?!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, he's saying STOP RUSHING THIS GUY!

It's not your place to put a demand on him: "You HAVE to be in love with my by 26 weeks or I'm leaving you." Sounds pretty silly when you say it that way, don't you think?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Roses919191 said:


> I just feel hurt because he really seems to like me & I don't think he wants to break up with me at all, so I have no clue why he doesn't love me. I don't know if it's a cultural difference... he grew up in another country & always says how his parents raised him to never express feelings.


What, exactly, do you think love is?

Do you think it's being happy with the person you're with? Or do you think it's developing such a deep feeling for someone that you can't imagine another person in your life and you'd step in front of a bullet for that person? The former? Fine. The latter? Most people can't just reach that level of feeling in 6 months. They have to get to know someone, see them at their worst and see if the feeling is still there, watch them interact with all sorts of people and situations to see if their morals align with their own, be so into the person that he/she is the only thing they think about day and night. That kind of emotion, you just can't rush; it happens when it happens. 

I'll bet that every guy you've ever dated, you have believed you were in love within a month. Am I right? That's not love. That's infatuation. Or desperateness.

Your guy has a good head on his shoulders and he KNOWS BETTER than to pretend he's feeling something he's not.

You haven't been to an IC yet as has been suggested, have you?


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