# Husband left me for weight



## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

Hi, Im new to this site and I am looking for some help and advice and didn't know where else to go.

So here is my story, me and my husband have been married for 5 yrs almost, are marraige was going awesome until I got pregnant with our 1st and only child together. During the pregnancy he made a deal with me. He said if I do not get back to my original weight one year after he would leave me. My original weight is 105 before my pregnancy. So I had the baby everything was great, I was going to the gym staying active. After the pregnancy my weight went to 128. My body changed only a little. But I was really putting in the effort to get back to my 105 weight. I started dancing again like I did in high school. Running in the mornings, and also going on a really strict diet. 

Well to make this long story short the year mark came and I weighed 112. He really packed up his bags and left.. And I dont know what to do. He has been gone for 1 week now, and I really don't think he is coming back. I am an emotional wreck. He was everything to me, besides him doing this, he really was a sweet and caring loving guy. He would do all those little things for me. 

Please give me advice... I dont know what to do...


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

He's shallow...my wife isn't anywhere close to your weight but she's fine...as I'm sure you are too...some guys can't see the truth for their own selfishness.

Don't let him tear you down about something so insignificant...

Blessed be,
Preacher


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

There are so many things wrong here, I don't know where to start. First, is 105 even a healthy weight for you? If you are at or over 5 feet tall, the chances are it is NOT. There are great tools on the web for finding out a healthy weight. Many, many women try to maintain a weight that is too low for their body and their health suffers--slowly but surely. You need to learn more about disordred eating, etc., and make sure you have a good idea of what is healthy for YOU.

Equally important, you have picked a man who shares your obsession with the way you look, and this is a very weak basis for a healthy, long-term relationship. I cannot even imagine agreeing to something based on numbers on a scale, or asking for such an agreement. If my attraction to someone wavered depending on that, geez, how shallow would I be? Yes, there is a point where I probably would no longer be attracted to someone b/c of their size--but we are talking about someone who is well into the "unhealthy" weight range, who is technically obese and does not have healthy habits (eating, exercise) that promote good health. 

I think you both need some serious individual counseling about your fixation on the scale, and you need to dump this man who is trying to control you by leaving you for such an unbelievably shallow reason. You are so much more than a number on a scale. What were each of you thinking? Sorry, this isn't meant to sound harsh, I'm actually bewildered that two people could agree to something like this. Wow.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

blondegirl said:


> Well to make this long story short the year mark came and I weighed 112. He really packed up his bags and left.. And I dont know what to do. He has been gone for 1 week now, and I really don't think he is coming back. I am an emotional wreck. He was everything to me, besides him doing this, he really was a sweet and caring loving guy. He would do all those little things for me.
> 
> Please give me advice... I dont know what to do...


If you are talking pounds and not kilos, I would say you should call his bluff and let him go. What a jerk. To be quite honest with you, 105 pounds sounds so little, that unless you are about 4ft high, you needed more weight anyway.

It sounds like he has a taste for anorexic women. If you were anorexic at the time he met you, that would indicate the most clear-cut case of co-dependency I've ever heard of.


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

Wow, I can't believe he did that to you, that's not ok for him to leave over that... as hard as it is, you will be ok, you will find someone who loves you no matter how much you weigh and you still sound tiny so it's rediculous for him to have those expectations after you have a baby... that's horrible for him to leave you and your baby, he's very selfish, there's more important things then you weighing 7lbs more then before, he should have never left- he has a family to support... I wish you the best- be strong... it will be ok.


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

Regardless of "How sweet & caring he is/was at other times" Why would you want him to return? 
He left over your weight ..Theres Nothing loving & caring Nor sweet about that concept in any form!!
Not to mention weight of 112.. Thats Obserd!!!

"Get Over Him Fast" & Move On.. You have a baby now that needs your focus ...but I'm not too sure the baby needs his critical eye near by... Good Luck!!


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

Thanks for helping. I'm 5'1 so its not to small and I haven't ever had eating issues so my health is okay. Even before we had the baby he would always joke with me about it so I didn't take him to serious. But as the months went by he would always insist on me telling him my weight. And really as the year went by he just got up and left. I dont know if he is just doing this to show me that he is serious about this. Were both very much into our health. But if he does come back I really am going to make it clear to him that I can't keep my same weight for my whole life. That there is more to life than beauty and looks. I don't want our marriage to end, but I do want things to change. I want a strong emotional bond as well as a physical bond together. I called his mom and she is mad at him she says to expect to hear from him today. He went to lake powell with a bunch of his friends and didn't tell me. And it was right around the year mark... Thats just rude of him.. I need to lay down the laws when he comes home I don't wnat to be a push over, I need to show him that what he did was wrong.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Did he say anything up to the 1 year mark? Have talks with you that said he was unhappy or sad or was still going to leave? Or was all of this totally unexpected?


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

snix11 said:


> Did he say anything up to the 1 year mark? Have talks with you that said he was unhappy or sad or was still going to leave? Or was all of this totally unexpected?


It was totally unexpected, but it turns out he planned a boating trip with his 3 best friends on that date. He did this to be a jerk, and to put the scare in me that he really was leaving.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

it is a fact that you can never get the "six pack" after having a child, unless you get a tummy tuck.

Your ab muscles are pushed apart, from a 1/4 to 5 inches during pregancy, it will never go back to the 1/4 without a Dr.s help.

My wife was 98lbs when we got married (she is 4'11") very petite.

now 12 years of marriage 3 kids later, she is about 115lbs now

a size 2 to a size 8

I think she looks fantastic, she wants a tummy tuck, I could care less either way. She wants to put her abs together, not sure if she realizes she will have a scare from hip to hip though.

I am sorry that he is so shallow, you deserve better.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

BG...the weight thing...he didn't make you a "deal" , there was no deal there. "If you aren't back to your pre-baby weight, I'm leaving". Where is the deal in that?

if he does come back, his key shouldn't work in the door. 

If it was his weight "deal", then he left you over 7 pounds. 7 pounds. That's what your relationship is worth to him. 7 frikkin' pounds.

If the timing was a coincidence, and he just took a weekend away without telling you.... 

Maybe he didn't need to ask, but he sure as heck needed to let you know! That is far worse than 'rude'. Give him a serious "come to Jesus" moment when he gets back. He has a LOT of making up to do.


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> BG...the weight thing...he didn't make you a "deal" , there was no deal there. "If you aren't back to your pre-baby weight, I'm leaving". Where is the deal in that?
> 
> if he does come back, his key shouldn't work in the door.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your advice and I agree with you totally. 7 pounds, and I really did try hard you have no Idea.. Its hard for a girl to get her figure after having a baby. But I didn't just let myself go. I don't want my marriage to end over this, but you are right that he has a lot of making up to do. What would you suggest? This literally has been the worst 8 days of my life. His mom told me he will be home by tomorrow and she is upset with him too, after I told her the details.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

"put the scare in you," haha, funny--NOT. This is so immature of him. I know I'd be tempted to respond on the same level. "Hey, hon, don't bother coming back; I've got a boyfriend who is better looking, wealthier, and a MUCH better lover than you and he's move-in ready. . . . Oh, sorry, that was just a joke!!" 

I don't think the doghouse is good enough for him right now. Maybe a few nights on the street would do him some good. I'm not sure I'd take back a man who did this to me, frankly, and I KNOW I'd never give him another chance if he did it a 2nd time. And I don't bluff--ask my S2Bx, my kids and my students.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

What do I suggest? First, a legal agreement turning over any major assests to you regardless of what happens in the marriage. I'm not sure if this can be done b/c you are married (not sure if married persons can have contracts like this, written during the marriage, as opposed to a pre-nup, written before the marriage). A joint separation agreement signed and sealed for future use if he ever tries it again, and one that gives you alimony for life, etc. The passwords to all his "private" accounts, whether email or fb or bank accounts, whatever. Keys to his boat/car, etc. This type of emotional gambling on his part is outrageous and there is nothing you cannot ask for, IMHO, right now, so go whole hog to guarantee it NEVER happens again. This is so not funny of him, and if he tries to play it that way, seriously consider if you can risk being married to someone this cruel.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

tell him you slept with his brother or his father or both. Not that you really, but make him think you did. lol


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Oh...and one more thing.

If he needs his mommy to tell him what he did was 100% wrong...maybe he should go live with her a while. I understand the basement is quite comfortable.

Because he isn't ready to be a husband and father.

(he's not going to be cut much slack here, in case you haven't noticed.  )


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

you could always throw his junk in the driveway, sell his gold clubs, hide his car at a friends house, etc

give him a taste of his own medicine


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> tell him you slept with his brother or his father or both. Not that you really, but make him think you did. lol


haha that is funny but he knows me to well. Im really religous and he knows that even if we broke up. I would wait until I was married again to have sex. He really just put me through the worst agony that anyone should have to go through. Although I know he thinks this is some big joke now. I really am serious about this, I don't want to take all this legal action like suggested in posts above, but I do want to show him that I am serious and that im not some push over.


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> Oh...and one more thing.
> 
> If he needs his mommy to tell him what he did was 100% wrong...maybe he should go live with her a while. I understand the basement is quite comfortable.
> 
> ...


Thats a really good Idea. I'll call his mom to let him know she can have him for a long while until he has grown up and proved to me that he derserves me.. Thanks for your advice I REALLY appreciate it.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Show him you're serious? Seriously...change the locks. When his key doesn't work he'll get the hint.

Then you'll be on even footing for showing him the error of his ways.


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## studlyc (Jun 10, 2009)

Well you look good in your profile picture so I don't know what he has to complain about. He seems to be a lucky guy. Did you guys have any problems before this? Because I am sure this isn't the only one. Is he insecure about his looks and about himself? So he needs a trophy wife? Well let us know the details when you talk to him.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

now I go look at the picture...and he does this to you??

I say get him back....run off with me to cancun!! :rofl:

seriously, georgous woman, take some of his things such as golf, clubs, snowboard, stuff that is his....put it in a storage unit.

when he gets back tell him you sold it for a $100 to a neighbor.


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

Oh thanks GA and Studly, you both just made my day!! That is a good idea tell him a pawned of his snowboard and his golf clubs.. LOL he loves those things. But he is going to call me later this afternoon once there boat trip is over and his cell phone gets service. I did talk to his mom and she is in agreement with me to have him stay in her house until he makes all this up to me. Im not going easy on him, even if it was just a joke. It was a really REALLY cruel joke. 

Studly, I don't think he is insecure at all, he has always had this confidence to him, and what he sets his mind to he gets. And is a very outgoing people person so everyone loves him. As far as are relationship we have had a few ups and downs. This is probably the biggest issue. It really isn't a game to mess around with divorce even to joke. To me, thats a no no in a realtionship.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

blondegirl said:


> what he sets his mind to he gets.


But don't let him "get" you. And certainly not on the cheap. He has to earn your respect now. Make sure he knows it. Never negotiate with spoilt brats. He clearly has an image issue, wanting you to be razor thin. give him 10 more years, and he may struggle to keep his weight down to where it is now.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

agreed with Mark, he is playing a mind game with you. I am telling you stick his stuff in a storage unit, tell him you sold it....let him realize, he does not have control over you, and you can beat him at his own game.

Right now you are Obeying him....break that cycle.

by placing his stuff in storage you can show him you are not a push over, the mind games he is playing are unfair, you are a trusting sould and this was a cruel game.

by sticking his stuff in storage or a friends house for a couple of days...will teach him, not to mess with you and you will not "obey" him.

since you won't run off to cancun with me, how about hawaii?


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## studlyc (Jun 10, 2009)

blondegirl said:


> Oh thanks GA and Studly, you both just made my day!! That is a good idea tell him a pawned of his snowboard and his golf clubs.. LOL he loves those things. But he is going to call me later this afternoon once there boat trip is over and his cell phone gets service. I did talk to his mom and she is in agreement with me to have him stay in her house until he makes all this up to me. Im not going easy on him, even if it was just a joke. It was a really REALLY cruel joke.
> 
> Studly, I don't think he is insecure at all, he has always had this confidence to him, and what he sets his mind to he gets. And is a very outgoing people person so everyone loves him. As far as are relationship we have had a few ups and downs. This is probably the biggest issue. It really isn't a game to mess around with divorce even to joke. To me, thats a no no in a realtionship.


Well it sounds like you want to work this out. And I respect that 100% becuase marriages should be forever. But he does need to show you some remorse for what he did to you. And I do like GA's idea to tell him you threw his stuff out and sold it. But to really just leave it at one of your friends. And I definitley think it is a good idea to take some time away from him to make sure he knows what he is missing out on.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I also think by doing that it will show his "game" is not so funny and that she will not be walked upon. Telling his mommy is one thing, taking this action is another. Let him have that few minutes of "you did what with my stuff?" then he will realize, his "joke" ws not so darn funny.

MY wife just called, you'll ahve to take brad Pitt to hawaii instead of me, best of luck! lol


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

Yeah I don't understand guys why they do these things or play these games that you are saying. LOL GA I would love Hawaii! He calls me in 1 hour so this should be interesting to see what he says.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

If it is anything short of, I bought you a diamond Necklace, when he calls, say, "I thought you left me? Oh no, I am sorry I sold your stuff! I thought you took off like you said you were."

Maybe you can tell him you ahve a date with your ex boyfriend tonight...lol

yea I can be spitefull...lol


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Make him call twice.

you: "Hello?"
him: "Hi honey, it's me."
you: "Me doesn't live here anymore" *click*


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

LOL I can play his game too, your right. Thanks again for all the help. I truly do appreciate it. And I will probably post on here again.


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## studlyc (Jun 10, 2009)

Well stick around to tell us how the phone call goes!! haha, Best of luck to you. and Stand your ground.


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

So he called me, And was Very Very sorry.. I let him have it though and told him not to come home. He said he was playfully joking. and I said letting your spouse think that your leaving her becuase she can't lose 7 pounds after her baby is not a funny joke. He was almost crying at the end of the phone call. But I did stay strong and said that is would probably be best if he stayed with his mom or friend for a week or two until I can trust him and work this out with him. He agreed and said I love you and I miss you. And I hung up. Oh yeah GA- I told him that I gave away his golf clubs and he was mad, but he didnt want to do or say anything that would throw me over the edge so he kinda said oh well about that. He also said for a start can I treat you too a spa day alone this weekend. 

I guess thats a start, but we will see what happens.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

good you got him thinking now...now don't string him along to much...you gave him something to think about.

A shot over the bow sort of speak.

Negotiate a spa day and a paid cruise with your girlfriends:smthumbup: 

Then tell him, you are not like him and his clubs are at home, and NEVER EVER try and pull that stunt again or his ask will be out the door. 

PS learning from others on here, don't use sex as a weapon. 

You made him think about it, he knows he was stupid and he screwed up. Let him sweat the night then bring him home


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

Oh yeah I never use sex as a weapon! Us girls want it just as bad as guys do. So why make both of you suffer!! LOL a cruise for me and my BF (bestfriend) does sound tempting. Maybe I'll make him book us a cruise and than forgive him and move on from this as a couple. Thanks GA!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Just let us know what cruise you are on...LOL (kidding)


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

blondegirl said:


> Hi, Im new to this site and I am looking for some help and advice and didn't know where else to go.
> 
> So here is my story, me and my husband have been married for 5 yrs almost, are marraige was going awesome until I got pregnant with our 1st and only child together. During the pregnancy he made a deal with me. He said if I do not get back to my original weight one year after he would leave me. My original weight is 105 before my pregnancy. So I had the baby everything was great, I was going to the gym staying active. After the pregnancy my weight went to 128. My body changed only a little. But I was really putting in the effort to get back to my 105 weight. I started dancing again like I did in high school. Running in the mornings, and also going on a really strict diet.
> 
> ...


Being your weight isn't outrageous, your better off without him...
send him a thank you card and get your child support going. Stick to the agreed upon visitation and keep him out of your personal life. 
Move on with your life and find someone who isn't like him.. matter of fact look for a man who is opposite !
and 
NEVER ask him to come back... he is not a man to be married to... he is not a partner... he is just a dog man-child of the worst kind.
Maybe you got lucky he left... you just don't realize it yet !


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> tell him you slept with his brother or his father or both. Not that you really, but make him think you did. lol


:iagree: AWESOME! :rofl::rofl:


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

blondegirl said:


> So he called me, And was Very Very sorry.. I let him have it though and told him not to come home. He said he was playfully joking. and I said letting your spouse think that your leaving her becuase she can't lose 7 pounds after her baby is not a funny joke. He was almost crying at the end of the phone call. But I did stay strong and said that is would probably be best if he stayed with his mom or friend for a week or two until I can trust him and work this out with him. He agreed and said I love you and I miss you. And I hung up. Oh yeah GA- I told him that I gave away his golf clubs and he was mad, but he didnt want to do or say anything that would throw me over the edge so he kinda said oh well about that. He also said for a start can I treat you too a spa day alone this weekend.


I'm impressed! You played him like a f***ing piano 
That's the way to do it. And if he ever brings it up again - give him double trouble, or just dump the guy.


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

Well Thank you! Yeah he deserves at least that for putting me through 7 days of hell. He was just being a jerk and him and his friends all thought this was funny. But it was just cruel and he understands this now. I'm not to fond of the idea of ending my relationship with him, but I know he will learn from his mistakes and make a better husband. He is paying for his mistake right now. But I'll let him off the hook soon and let him come home. I'm just glad this all worked out and we can move on and be a happier couple. Me and GA talked about this and suggested the idea that he is a prankster and took this too far. He loves teasing me and having fun, and he took this one to far. He understands this though.


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## studlyc (Jun 10, 2009)

Good job!! I hope everything works out! Thanks for the advice earlier about my GF. I hope I can work that out too. Talk to you later on this. Hope your spa treatment is amazing, you deserve it after going through that.


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## Mr. R (May 5, 2009)

blondegirl said:


> Oh yeah I never use sex as a weapon! Us girls want it just as bad as guys do. So why make both of you suffer!!


I only wish that were generally true. Perhaps it's true for some women, but not for most. Not for the women I've been with, in any case. But, back to the subject.

The man in this situation is a prize ratbag. 112 lbs is unacceptable? Sounds like he's been quite taken in by stereotypical images of women. Mind you, I would never date a woman who actually had a weight problem; that is to say a woman whose BMI indicated obesity. I simply don't find such women attractive. However, unless you're VERY short, 105 lbs is beyond reason. My wife fluctuates between 110-120 lbs and has since I've known her (since 1997). She's 5'1" and quite cute.

Take great care, blondegirl. This man is terribly shallow and perhaps untrustworthy. Best of luck to you, of course.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Yeah... "this man is terribly shallow" lol... hmmm... which man are we talking about? Your hubby or Mr. R?

Good luck with your hubby


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

come on people, it was a bad joke that went overboard, this is not something that defines a marriage and I hope this marriage is stronger then that.

He confessed it was a joke, she is putting him through the ringer like he deserves and his mother is helping in the "ringing"

he will never joke like this again. She will get several spa days and maybe a cruise from his blunder.


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

I just ate a massive burger and instead of puking it up I'm going to do pilates. lol


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

Funny we have a comedian on board!! LOL. I've always been into exercising and diet. So I don't know who your trying to make fun of here.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> come on people, it was a bad joke that went overboard, this is not something that defines a marriage and I hope this marriage is stronger then that.
> 
> He confessed it was a joke, she is putting him through the ringer like he deserves and his mother is helping in the "ringing"
> 
> he will never joke like this again. She will get several spa days and maybe a cruise from his blunder.


I disagree. I don't think it was a joke, I think he meant it as a manipulation, and possibly as a put-down, and he is using the excuse of a "joke" as a cover-up. 

Of course, the jokes on him now. 

*blondegirl *felt intuitively that it was not a joke. It seldom pays to ignore an intuition. I'm not saying the guy is beyond rehabilitation, but he is certainly "on report" now. Perhaps it's good that this came up when it did. Forcefully encouraging someone to go on a starvation diet is a serious thing.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

I agree with Mark. He knew what he was doing. It backfired, and he is using "joke" as a way to deflect it.

I'm glad blondegirl isn't falling for it, and giving him his just desserts. Maybe this wakeup call for him will sink in, and they can move forward.

But if not...it shows blondegirl is no pushover. Good for her!!!
(and this comes from the epitome of pushover.  )


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well blondegirl, how long has he had this trip with his "buddies planned" ? 

I agree it was some sort of manipulation, trying to get her in shape.

But I have told my wife that she is getting heavy at times, becuase I know for her size and her weight and her BF it was becomming unhealthy, and that is what I stated, the health problems in her family, she should maintain a healthy weight, nothing to skinny and nothing to obesse. As I said when we got married she was a size 2, now she is a size 8, I am fine with it, If she creeped up to a size 10 at her size I would be concerned.

For the record, I put on some pounds and I said the same, this is unhealthy for ME, I hit the gym and dieted to get myself in shape.

I feel better and look better now after a years worth of working out. Better now then at 20. 

But I think what blondie did will wake him up and not try something so foolish again. She is a good looking woman any male would be lucky to marry her. 

Plus his mom probably kicked his butt, would ahve loved to been a fly on the wall for that.

so how long ago did he plan this trip?


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

blondegirl said:


> Funny we have a comedian on board!! LOL. I've always been into exercising and diet. So I don't know who your trying to make fun of here.


I'm making fun of this poor girl's loser husband. What a shallow freakshow.

I lost a few pounds since my last post. I spend 5 bux on Whopper wednesdays each week (whoppers go for .99). I don't know how i do it!


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

My wife over the years..she is 5'2"

When we got married she was a size 4, weighed about 116.

After 3 kids, all 3 by c-section, and two other abdominal sergeries (5 in total) she had got up to about 160-165 and was a size 14.

Did the size bother me? Not in attractiveness at all, I did have some health worries. Did I say a word to her or treat her as blonde's husband did? Not at all.

What did I do? I joined the gym myself and got my "six pack" back that I had back in HS and college, I dropped about 20 lbs myself in total (205 down to 185) and she just followed my lead.

In the last month she has lost 15 lbs, and is now a size 10-12, her goal is a size 8 which is a perfectly healthy size for her.

I hope you ran him through the ringer good for this "joke" that was really an attempt at manipulation.


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

I would suggest doing your best to get back to 105 and still not taking him back if he asks to come home and you take him back teach him a lesson, make him earn you back big time. I am a shallow guy but you are are married with children not dating. Leaving was not cool on his part and I wouldn't leave in the same situation.


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## bjcw (Jun 24, 2009)

first, there is a problem with men or women for that matter who would do something like that. I, as a woman, have battled weight all of my life and there were times I was heavier than I wanted to be and lost a lot of weight and I did look better and even pretty good but you know what? When men that I knew for years that never asked me out and always thought of me as a good friend, or as a sister, started asking me out after I lost the weight I learned something; that was if I wasn't good enough for them before I lost it then I would not go out with them when I looked good because you can gain weight anytime and that just goes to prove how superficial a person like that is so I made it a rule never to go out with anyone who would never have asked me out before? I have always felt better about myself too and you know what some of the men were bald or not so skinny themselves; some with their beer bellies; sorry, but it is true. I hope you get child support for your baby and get rid of him; get a job, if you don't already work, feel independent so that no one can make you feel bad about yourself again.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Make a "deal" with him that if he is still a jerk in a year, you will leave him.

I think he was trying to make an excuse for himself to go on a trip somewhere without explaining to you the nature of the trip. OK, and yeah, he did cover his bases with his wingmen, for a plausible excuse.

He figured he could cow you with this outrageous claim that he was going to leave you if you were not 105 pounds again.

He successfully shifted focus to the weight gain -- for a little while -- away from what exactly was he doing for a week?

Maybe nothing, but my radar is up abot the scenario you described.


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

Well now the issue is resolved. I forgive him, and he was very sorry and he will not do anything like this again. It was mean, and yes this has been the biggest issue we've faced in our marriage. Now he knows joking around about divorce is a big no no. 

Michzz-

He did go on a boating trip with his 3 best friends. And I know he would never cheat on me. Our relationship is based on trust, and I trust him about everything, and he feels the same way with me.

-------

But anyway, I thank you all for your concern, and thanks for all of your advice. A lot of the posts really did help me out and guide me through the situation. 

And thanks to GA, I let him know he had to make it up to me, since I really did suffer through 7 days of hell. He said he would let me take a cruise with my BF. And he booked me a cruise in July. And I am way excited!!

Thanks again


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Well thanks Blondegirl, I accept your cruise invitation on behalf of the board, and as your new BFF. Where is our cruise to? :rofl:

Anyway I am glad you both worked it out and if I may add, in a private conversation her husband is a workout guy, he is what we call a gym rat, so his body and weight is extremely important to him, he eats healthy, and constantly workouts, since I also work out I know this is part of that lifestyle that he was gently busting her chops with the weight issue and went to far with his "trip" 

It was a poor judgement and he is making up to her by begging her forgiveness and he purchased her a crujise for her to go on with her girlfriend, showing he loves her, he trusts her and is deeply sorry that he was a dumb ask on his "joke" 

I beleive his mother also ripped him a new one as well....go get him momma. 

I am glad you are both happy and worked it out, kudo's, hopefully you can help some others on this board.


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## blondegirl (Jun 15, 2009)

LOL you are my new BFF. And were going to Jamaica!!!

HAHA our mom did rip him a new one, it was fun to be there and watch.

Thanks, GA. Hopefully I can help people on this board to.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

I'm glad things got resolved.

However, don't forget to review both his and your body image issues. I think it's awesome you are both into being fit and looking good. More of us should work that hard. However, regardless of whether that last stunt was a joke (obviously it kind of was) there's an underlying issue there that hasn't been addressed. He started bugging you about weight right after you had a baby (what ******* does that?!), he's been bugging you about it all year, and his way of "buggin you" is to dangle his commitment to the marriage like a carrot. Sure, he didn't leave this time, afterall, you're only 115 pounds. But will he do it for real at 120 or 125 or because of head of grey hairs or sagging boobs?

The fact that you thought he was capable of leaving you for not having lost the 7 pounds says all that needs to be said about how secure the relationship feels to you and about how much you know that his commitment is too conditional. I mean .... you were sure he left you because you didn't lose the weight. What does that tell you about him? About you? About the two of you?

Enjoy the reconciliation. Enjoy the cruise. And then make sure to get to work on these issues.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

:iagree:


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

I still would have stuck my fingers down my throat.


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

Blondegirl- I'd like to be your bff... we have similar user names- I think we'd get along just fine  take me...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

ooohhh, well, there's an image in my mind!


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Blonddeee said:


> Blondegirl- I'd like to be your bff... we have similar user names- I think we'd get along just fine  take me...


Woah Nelly! Blondeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:lol:
Easy on the wine sweetie 

Cute post thanks for the chuckle. 

Rhea


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

That was before the wine... just want to go on a cruise...that's all  And I had a date... he took me to dinner so I blame the wine on him... hee hee... I was nervous... it's been a while since i've dated.


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