# Wife feels rejected by my sister and adult daughter (from prior marriage)



## Not2Lucky (Jun 5, 2013)

My wife complains that she does not feel comfortable around my adult daughter from a past marriage or my sister. My wife was an only child and she and her mother are last in her family line. Her main complaint is that she had expectations of having a big family that she would be close with after our marriage (some 5 years ago now). But this hasn't developed the way she wanted.

She feels that she is not able to connect with my daughter who is married herself with a young child. She sees that most of the communication between my family and us is through me rather than with her directly. 

This is not new and has been going on for the duration of our marriage. When my wife brings up the subject she sort-of self-escalates the discussion to the point of quasi-threatening divorce because she can't see herself going thru the rest of her life without this big, loving supportive family around her. From my point of view, I really don't see anything unusual going on other than her own attitude. What I do think is happening is that she is sending her own body language signals of discomfort and receiving the same in response, creating a bit of a negative feedback loop.

I have a rather large family and we get together several times a year for holidays, etc. Everyone gets along well. But my wife seems to expect that when we enter the room everyone should be looking our way and giving us a big holiday welcome (which she claims she got in the past with her ex-husband's and other families). My family has never been that way. We love each other dearly and have no internal conflicts. But we are not big dramatic holiday show-folks. I try and explain that but to no avail.

My wife gets along very well with my mother and all the men in the family. It is mainly my daughter and sister that trouble her and she imagines that they are conspiring against her.

I've personally become a bit numb to the whole thing as it has been going on for years. But as it just came up again today (triggered by the fact that I bumped into her foot with a shopping cart last night and wasn't apologetic enough), I thought I'd have a look at the internet and see if anyone else runs into this kind of thing and what possible advice I might find.

Thanks for reading.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

When she complains about this you say to her 

Wife, I have a saying... "if it's going to be, it starts with me"

And then move along to the next subject.

You can't let your wife's irrational phobias take on alot of prominence in your marriage, but you cannot be dismissive either.


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