# Ladies, what are you looking for in men?



## lonestar79

I really need some high level advice here. I am an early thirties man living in LA. I am 6'0" tall, 170 pounds, in shape, got the winning smile  In terms of looks, I would say I am 7/8 out of 10. I have gone to best schools (stanford), done very well at work (I make about half a million a year), and I am an amateur musician. I am a nice person I swear to god....I don't want to keep talking about myself... The point is, I don't understand why I can't get a friendly and good looking mid-twenties girlfriend. Where do these ladies hide? Please don't tell me to take a yoga class, it is just creepy to take a class to meet women. I work in a demanding office job in finance world. There is not much women at work (just being honest)... Feeling a bit stuck. Anyone on here living in LA? I really need some female advice. 

I am considering getting an expensive sports car. Like a porsche. I am not really into cars but when it comes to women, I am running out of ideas..

Any advice would be so much appreciated. Some straight female advice please!

ps. I am a guy, I do care that she should be good looking...But I am not asking for a super model either.


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## ScarletBegonias

If you think you'll get a woman by getting a porsche, you're probably right but it'll be the kind of woman you likely won't be able to take home to mom.You'll also need an iron clad pre-nup before marrying a girl you attract with a car.

How about just being yourself.Don't throw around your paycheck as bait.Try some volunteer work or maybe some dating sites.From what I've seen during my time volunteering at dog shelters,lots of cute and single women are there


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## Dollystanford

Well if you want a woman who wants the material trappings then yeah get a Porsche. But it won't last and she'll always be scouring round for someone who can give her more

I suspect you have a picture of what you want in your head and it's making you picky. That's fine if you're prepared to search forever. But you might be ruling out lots of nice girls in the process

So what if someone's early 30s? Late 30s? Does that knock them off the list? What do you like to do? Can't all be male-orientated surely?


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## SimplyAmorous

How friendly are you with women you are interested in? Are you shy, do you like them coming after you ? 



> *lonestar79 said:* I don't understand why I can't get a friendly and good looking mid-twenties girlfriend. Where do these ladies hide?


 Are you knee deep in the type you DON'T want?? 

Given how you describe yourself, you must have some luck with the ladies unless you act like a total loner "Lonestar79" ~ who doesn't  or talk to women. 

Yeah, A Porsche will just attract the Gold diggers. That's the last thing you need..if you are looking for something lasting, the whole marriage/kids type deal for the long haul.


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## lonestar79

Thank you for the replies! Really appreciate it.

Some answers:

- I do have a picture in my mind but I am fairly sure it is not super picky. I do see the type I want in other men's arms all the time so these women are meeting these men somewhere! I want her to be in decent shape and looks (not fat), grounded (has a job, thinks about future), not old and she should be friendly. Thirties is a bit old I think. Why? Because I don't want someone who has time pressure. I want to be able to date for a year or so before proposing.

- Am I shy? I am a bit shy and geeky yes. It doesn't mean I am a social outcast. But I have never been the kind of guy who has 20-30 friends that he socializes with. Never been the guy in the spot light. And unfortunately I want the kind of full package that such popular guys get. I am more than happy to try to make an effort to change this but I also want to like me for who I am. I don't want to be a pretense (although I am happy to hear your thoughts... I will keep an open mind).

- What do I like to do for fun? I work out 4-5 times a week. On my own in a gym with weights and threadmill. I like making music at my keyboard (sounds cool but it is a one person activity). And I love watching nature documentaries. 

- Once or twice a week, I go out for drinks/clubbing with a few guy friends from work. There is a super good looking guy I work with. Dude gets another girl every time and these are really hot ones. Every once in a while I get a girls number but it rarely follows through. This good looking guy is a friend of mine. He says that I am chasing too strong. OK, I stopped that now. But now I don't meet anyone in clubs/drinks either. I guess it would be better if I socialized with women in a daytime place. Any ideas where I can do that? I like the dog shelter idea. Will look into that. 

- Porsche... I agree that it will only attract gold diggers and I don't want them... But sometimes I get annoyed and just want to mess around with gold diggers and die a single man. Anyway.


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## Mavash.

I know this sounds cliche but the harder you try to find someone the more needy you seem. Back when I was young my friends whined they couldn't find a good man to marry and didn't know why. I knew though. They were husband hunting and that's never attractive. Men ran from them.

Learn to be okay alone. If you can do that women will find THAT attractive.


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## SecondSkin

lonestar79 said:


> I am an early thirties man living in LA.





lonestar79 said:


> ....good looking mid-twenties girlfriend.





lonestar79 said:


> I am considering getting an expensive sports car. Like a porsche. I am not really into cars but when it comes to women, I am running out of ideas..


Sorry dude, but this says it all. You're not looking for a relationship. Your looking for a trophy. Women sense that. It makes you look like a creep, to be honest.


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## Mavash.

No he's trying to avoid being pressured into having kids but that's unrealistic. Women in their 20's will think he's too old. Women in their 30's will want kids. Which of course explains why he's still alone.


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## Coffee Amore

It's hard to say why you're not getting the women you want. LA is a hard place to date. I've lived in northern California and it was better in terms of dating than L.A. L.A. is very competitive and there are many good looking successful people with flashy cars. You sound alright on paper, but we can't tell you why you're not picking up women. Your best bet is to ask a very honest, very straightforward woman that you know and may have dated what you might be doing wrong. 

Also, at your age, you're likely to find no strings attached sex and one night stands at clubs. You're not likely to find serious relationship material at a club. If you're looking for a relationship and not just some trophy girl on your arm, try something like Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup where you do activities in a group setting..anything from wine tasting to hiking to sci-fi/fantasy talks. L.A. has a ton of those meetup.com activities.


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## Faithful Wife

Plenty of Fish


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## Ostera

SimplyAmorous said:


> How friendly are you with women you are interested in? Are you shy, do you like them coming after you ?
> 
> Are you knee deep in the type you DON'T want??
> 
> Given how you describe yourself, you must have some luck with the ladies unless you act like a total loner "Lonestar79" ~ who doesn't  or talk to women.
> 
> *Yeah, A Porsche will just attract the Gold diggers*. That's the last thing you need..if you are looking for something lasting, the whole marriage/kids type deal for the long haul.


Reminds me of a bar I was at 15 years ago or so. This girl kept asking me things like what I drive and what I did for a living. I interpreted that as search for my financial worth..

Eventually I told her I clean the bar when it closes. She quit talking to me.. then as I was leaving I told her what I really did and she gave me the dirties look... I just laughted and told her to have a good night.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I'm looking for a man like you who will move to my town in New Hampshire 
What did you study at Stanford?
There are loads of institutes at Dartmouth College/Dartmouth Hitch**** Medical Center looking for talent. 
I have an advanced degree from Dartmouth and work in decision sciences.
Just sayin'...

Oh wait...

I'm too old...look 30 and feel much younger but I'm pushing 49!!!!! S*cks to be you.

I heard that LA isn't a great place to find wives, or steady girlfriends. I think it's the culture. Then again, not a lot of single guys move to my area, since it's not noted for being full of eligible over-college-age women who are well educated, attractive and employed. I'm hoping my work-study arrangement for research at a joint institute will expose me to more men than I meet in my day to day life (I work from home...good for work, bad for socializing...unless you count my recent fail with a potential client...which was fun, and that's all it was, so it ended, lol.)

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Maybe you should get out to more conferences, take some working vacations, or something like that.

I'm going to a Mongolian investment summit in London in the spring. Hoping to kill two birds with one stone.  Thinking I'll meet someone who is interested in doing financial research for an exchange traded fund or sustainable investments, company that needs an analyst, etc. Prospecting for some long-term work. I'm getting bored with what's available locally, trying to plan for when my kids get older.... If I find serious relationship material there, all the better!

Hahaha, the name of the hospital where I do research work got *****'d out.
Too funny. I guess the name is a good one, considering my 'work' aspirations.
:-o


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Ostera said:


> Reminds me of a bar I was at 15 years ago or so. This girl kept asking me things like what I drive and what I did for a living. I interpreted that as search for my financial worth..
> 
> Eventually I told her I clean the bar when it closes. She quit talking to me.. then as I was leaving I told her what I really did and she gave me the dirties look... I just laughted and told her to have a good night.


The NYTimes had an article today about the latest dating question: what's your credit score?

!!!!!


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## Caribbean Man

Mavash. said:


> *Learn to be okay alone. If you can do that women will find THAT attractive.*


^^^^^^^
THIS!
Firstly you must be self confident and not desperate for any woman.

Secondly, 
DO yourself a favour and purchase that Porsche or some other sport car, not to get the ladies , but because you CAN afford it and it speaks volumes about how successful you are. 

Everybody loves a winner.

Yes sure , the gold diggers would come , so too the one night stands, friends with benefits and finally ,
True love.

Then you get to choose.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

A sports car won't win you a good woman.

Don't try to be someone your not trying to impress a woman. Be who you are right off the bat.

Women like respect, honesty, affection, someone who will listen, kindness, ect... 

Different women have different needs. I need a nice guy type and I have him. Since day one he's always put my needs before his own. He works extremely hard for us and is very protective of me and the kids. <3

My husband is honest, kind, romantic, never complains, listens to me, is my best friend, is positive, fair, ect.. I can go on and on.

If I met him and he had a Porsche, I doubt I'd date him. I'm not into material things and big toys.


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## SimplyAmorous

Mavash. said:


> I know this sounds cliche but the harder you try to find someone the more needy you seem. Back when I was young my friends whined they couldn't find a good man to marry and didn't know why. I knew though. They were husband hunting and that's never attractive. Men ran from them.
> 
> Learn to be okay alone. If you can do that women will find THAT attractive.


 Depends - I love *HIS TYPE* (Shy & a little bit geeky not oozing with annoying bragging confidence).... the men that act like they don't need anyone means they don't. I never wanted that type... Give me the Hopeless Romantic Looking for his soul mate anyday! 

Some people really want to find LOVE... I wouldn't put them down for this. It's such a shame you have to play these stupid games of attraction for women. 

My husband didn't run from me, I was a husband hunter since my teens....but I wasn't looking for riches, I was just looking for the authentic...the real deal. Thank God for Beta Romantic men...... I don't mean those who seem insecure either... just those who know what they want and not afraid to admit such, even if it makes them sound "needy". 

This man makes a lot of $$, he is not insecure, if he is, I think many could learn a thing or 2 from him & how he has handled himself to get where he is. 

Nothing wrong with those who have a heart for finding their soul mate...

But yeah... the majority of women love those ALpha Boys...confident... Play the stupid game... just throw these women a bone, then ignore the hell out of them and they'll all want you...their attraction will grow like wildfire.... this has never made any damn sense to me at all.

Maybe this man has TIME as one of his Love languages... I often think people want to call this needy... maybe he just wants to find Love... I wish him well. 

I hope you will find her, your type deserve it the most.


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## Coffee Amore

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> A sports car won't win you a good woman.
> 
> Don't try to be someone your not trying to impress a woman. Be who you are right off the bat.
> 
> Women like respect, honesty, affection, someone who will listen, kindness, ect...
> 
> Different women have different needs. I need a nice guy type and I have him. Since day one he's always put my needs before his own. He works extremely hard for us and is very protective of me and the kids. <3
> 
> My husband is honest, kind, romantic, never complains, listens to me, is my best friend, is positive, fair, ect.. I can go on and on.
> 
> If I met him and he had a Porsche, I doubt I'd date him. I'm not into material things and big toys.


:iagree:


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## ScarletBegonias

Fwiw my ex husband drove an old beat up car when we met...I started disliking the man he was becoming around the time he purchased a Porsche. My SO drives an 8 yr old Subaru 

Some women enjoy simplicity and may even turn you down because of your luxuries and fatty paycheck...it's intimidating and overwhelming for some. I imagine they'd come flocking though if you did charity work or something for the greater good 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

Ostera said:


> Reminds me of a bar I was at 15 years ago or so. This girl kept asking me things like what I drive and what I did for a living. I interpreted that as search for my financial worth..
> 
> Eventually I told her I clean the bar when it closes. She quit talking to me.. then as I was leaving I told her what I really did and she gave me the dirties look... I just laughted and told her to have a good night.


Was it THAT obvious she was after $$, asking what someone does for a living ...in my view...this can open up a conversation...but what you drive.. .that part... how important it is really...unless she is into cars herself, some kind of enthusiast ....that one would make me think she was searching for "your worth". You should have told her you had an old Chevett in the parking lot. 

I think men need to downplay what they own & their financial worth when seeking LOVE ... it's their TEST to weed out the Gold diggers... and women shouldn't jump in the sack too soon...it's their test to weed out the User Players. 

Both sexes have something to protect themselves from - and their future. And they are entirely different. 

Me, I wouldn't care if the man had a beat up pick up truck, I'd be more impressed if he was a Farmer & lived out in the country!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

You know, my first real lover had a Porsche...and it's really difficult even for someone my size (5'2" 105 pounds) to get it on in one of those things. It's also difficult to do much off-road driving, and it doesn't handle real well in the snow, or to haul along ski equipment, camping equipment or bicycles. You are planning to keep your 'day vehicle' right? 

I mean, we had a lot of fun, driving around in the Porsche. And I let him drive MY sports car when I lived in Arizona, where there were decent roads on which to drive (properly) sports cars. In LA, I would be hesitant to be on the freeway in a Porsche. Maybe a Mercedes but not a Porsche. Just sayin, if you ruin your body (yours not the car's), the party's over.


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## SimplyAmorous

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Just sayin, if you ruin your body (yours not the car's), the party's over.


This is how I think also. :iagree:

I'd prefer the guy to have a tank. It's safer. A friend of ours had a little dune buggy, wanted to take me for a ride...I told him I wasn't getting in that little death trap, he can ride me around in his yard...but no going on those country roads for me. 

We have a Suburban (besides hating the price of gas, I feel safe driving our family around).....last year some drunk teen ran a stop sign, pulled right in front of us..... husband going the speed limit in town (we had 10 people in the vehicle at the time- filling out the police report took some time).....hardly hurt our bumper... no repairs needed .... him.... whole door caved in... damn lucky he wasn't trapped or hurt.


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## lonestar79

Thank for all the input. 

Do charity work, join plenty of fish, work at dog shelters. All noted and thanks for that.

Looking at my past relationships (not that I had many), almost all girls who dated me would say good things about me I think. Once a girl dates me (even just one or two dates) and gets to know me a bit, I impress them. No problem. The biggest hurdle is meeting the girl I want and getting her to go out with me. If you don't count clubs, I just don't meet hot girls very often. And girls in clubs seem to be looking for the hottest dude with the most alpha game. Fair enough but that's not me. Doesn't mean I am a loser. Opposite, I am sure I can make a girl very happy but they won't give me the chance...

So...meeting them is the name of the game. How do I do that? I will try the ideas you gave me (listed above at the beginning). Heck it - I may even start saying hi to women whenever I see them day to day (shopping centers and stuff). Actually, that's how I met one of my ex-girlfriends. She was walking to work one day, I literally ran after her and asked her out. She was so happy. In case you wonder why we broke up, she just wasn't into sex. We dated for 2-3 months and had sex once, which was a disaster night. She just wasn't interested in sex and I couldn't take it anymore (I was incredibly attracted to her) so I broke up. Anyway, I digress. If you have any more ideas on how to meet girls, please let me know. You can bet I will give it a chance!

Got the message about the car. I am thinking of getting a good car but not a flashy sports car. I could get a BMW for example. That way people don't get irritated but also see that I can afford a thing or two. I also wouldn't rub it on their face (I wouldn't talk about the car, I wouldn't try to pick them up with the car on first date etc... They will see it when time comes)

SimplyAmorous - you sound like the ideal woman for guys like me but I think that you are minority among women. Most young women want an alpha guy. This is what they will look for and they will test for when they first meet me... I may not be the football playing, popular, super confident, hot alpha guy. But I also achieved tough things in life like putting myself through really good schools despite I come from a poor family and then doing well in the professional world. Aren't these alpha at all? I realize I don't come off as a confident, outgoing person when a girl first meets me but is that all there is to an alpha guy? I need to find a way to get around this.

I am not a needy person. I know my qualities. But I am also aware that I am 33 and in a few years time women may start thinking that I am too old etc. I want to meet someone with potential before that...


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## ScarletBegonias

so you want a hot young girl who loves you for who you are,not your money or station in life.

How about a beautiful late twenties or 30 something woman who isn't a club hopper and has a good job and nice things all on her own?

Or does she have to be hot,young,and bubbleheaded enough to want a super alpha male??


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## lonestar79

Beautiful late twenties girl who isn't a club hopper and has a good job is MUCH BETTER than a clubbing bubblehead. Much much better! I just don't have any access to those late twenties girls!! How do I meet them? There aren't much girls in my profession (finance).

Age-wise, I do think 30s may be a bit old. I don't want the girl to be under time pressure when I meet her. I will need a year or so before I make up my mind about a future together.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

That's too bad you dropped someone who wasn't into casual sex after just a few dates and no commitment. Why weed out quality women that way? I was dating a guy who was 39 and honestly he sounds like you...all the trappings but not going after quality. I don't understand why...except that as a woman I do the same thing...I date men who are inappropriate/opposite of what I really want. I don't know why I do this, but I do know that I can change my behavior without understanding the why.


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## ScarletBegonias

lonestar79 said:


> Beautiful late twenties girl who isn't a club hopper and has a good job is MUCH BETTER than a clubbing bubblehead. Much much better! I just don't have any access to those late twenties girls!! How do I meet them? There aren't much girls in my profession (finance).
> 
> Age-wise, I do think 30s may be a bit old. I don't want the girl to be under time pressure when I meet her. I will need a year or so before I make up my mind about a future together.


You just redeemed yourself  lol

stay out of the bars,stay out of the clubs. I know people are becoming jaded with online dating but I seriously think a site like match or eharmony might help you get out there.There are a LOT of decent women on those sites who would love to meet a nice man.If you have FB,start joining some of the animal rescue pages...NOT to find a girl but to actually use your time toward a good cause AND you might get lucky enough to get chatted up by a nice woman who sees your comments and checks out your page. 

 (end of my shameless pushing of dog rescue)


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## lonestar79

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> That's too bad you dropped someone who wasn't into casual sex after just a few dates and no commitment. Why weed out quality women that way? I was dating a guy who was 39 and honestly he sounds like you...all the trappings but not going after quality. I don't understand why...except that as a woman I do the same thing...I date men who are inappropriate/opposite of what I really want. I don't know why I do this, but I do know that I can change my behavior without understanding the why.


Casual sex? We dated a 7-8 times before sex came into the picture. It was about 1-2 months after we started seeing each other. I don't think it was casual sex. I would even ask her to please stay the night with me after. She wasn't interested.


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## EleGirl

Why did she say that she did not want to have sex at that point in the relationship? Did you discuss it with her?


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## lonestar79

Regarding online dating... I will try it although I need to figure out how to deal with judgements against it... Say I start dating a girl I found online. We go to a coworker's party together.

Me: This is my girlfriend Meg
Guy at party: Nice to meet you. How did you guys meet?
Me: We met online
Guy at party: - awkward silence - and a nod...


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## EleGirl

To meet women you need to hang out at the types of places the woman you want to meet will hang out.

Taking classes to meet women is actually a very good way to meet women. Dance classes (ball room, latin, etc) is a good way to meet women as there are usually more women at these classes than men. So any guy there is in high deman as a partner. And when you are partnering with a woman you get a chance to chat with her.

Plus dancing is a great activity for a married couple to be involved in.

I agree with the other poster who said to try Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup . There are many fun things to do. When you do things that you enjoy, you will find women who enjoy doing what you like to do.


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## Caribbean Man

lonestar79 said:


> *SimplyAmorous - you sound like the ideal woman for guys like me but I think that you are minority among women. *


^^^^^
Damn right about that!


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## EleGirl

lonestar79 said:


> Regarding online dating... I will try it although I need to figure out how to deal with judgements against it... Say I start dating a girl I found online. We go to a coworker's party together.
> 
> Me: This is my girlfriend Meg
> Guy at party: Nice to meet you. How did you guys meet?
> Me: We met online
> Guy at party: - awkward silence - and a nod...


About 40% of all relationships now start with on-line dating.

And who says you have to tell everyone the details of your relationship? For example let's say that your first in-person meeting it at Starbucks. Tell them you met her at Starbucks. Of course you will need to have her agree to this.


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## ScarletBegonias

Easier said than done but seriously you need to stop worrying about what people think.If you're happy and you're not hurting anyone that's all that matters.So you met your girlfriend online...i'd rather say that than say oh we met at a bar,I was on my 4th martini and he caught me as I stumbled to the door.


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## Lon

lonestar79 said:


> Regarding online dating... I will try it although I need to figure out how to deal with judgements against it... Say I start dating a girl I found online. We go to a coworker's party together.
> 
> Me: This is my girlfriend Meg
> Guy at party: Nice to meet you. How did you guys meet?
> Me: We met online
> Guy at party: - awkward silence - and a nod...


No dude, there is no stigma attached to that anymore, it's pretty much how all daters meet now.


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## Mavash.

You need to get over the "how" you met someone and just cast as big of a net as you can.


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## SimplyAmorous

lonestar79 said:


> SimplyAmorous - *you sound like the ideal woman for guys like me but I think that you are minority among women. Most young women want an alpha guy*. This is what they will look for and they will test for when they first meet me... I may not be the football playing, popular, super confident, hot alpha guy. But I also achieved tough things in life like putting myself through really good schools despite I come from a poor family and then doing well in the professional world. Aren't these alpha at all? I realize I don't come off as a confident, outgoing person when a girl first meets me but is that all there is to an alpha guy? I need to find a way to get around this.


 Yes, I am one of the few woman on this forum who uplifts and PREFERS men tipped more Beta (there are a few others >> ImInLoveWithMyHubby is another, and ScarletBegonias doesn't mind them at all, she has praised her Shy Guy. 

This idea that BETA's can't be







is BS..... just as only clubbing dancing girls are good looking...

Don't believe such lies... 

I wanted a Family man... I HATE sports (B O R I N G [email protected]#$%^& ...give me music!).... I've always loved bookworms cause I am a reader & appreciate the introverted's deeper conversations...so long as he is willing to have them .... I like a man who has AS MUCH *Humility *& *Sensitivity* as outward *Confidence* ... if that can't be balanced, it would ruin it for me....and I wouldn't want a man who screwed a ton of women...for me.....that is a pure TURN OFF .....just speaks volumes they are not the "one woman"







*romantic type *







which has always meant a great deal to me. 

Did a post once - talking about the various categories men fall into (with labels explained)......where would you classify yourself Lonestar ? (One of my favorite country songs is sung by Lonestar ... Lonestar - "Amazed" )



> To complicate things further, you can add ....a host more labels in this besides Alpha / Beta... we also have Deltas, Gammas, Lambdas , Sigma's and Omegas. A little explanation here:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/46682-alpha-betas-delta-etc.html
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The *Alpha Traits* are those associated with classic “manly man” strengths. Power, dominance, physical ability, bravery, wealth, cool and confidence. Oh and good genes. These are the things that attract women and turn them on sexually. The Alpha Traits are linked to the dopamine response in women.
> 
> *Alpha *= attraction building = Dopamine = In Love = Excitement
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The *Beta Traits* are those associated with the strengths of being a nice guy / “family man”. Kindness, being a good listener, the ability to help with the children, dependability, thoughtfulness, compassion and patience. These all create a sense of comfort and safety for the woman, and relax her because she feels that if she became pregnant, the Beta Trait male isn’t going to abandon her and the baby.
> 
> *Beta *= comfort building = Oxytocin / Vasopressin = Pair Bond = Calm Enjoyment"
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> So Alpha Traits create attraction and that “in love” feeling, and Beta Traits create the pair bond and makes her feel relaxed enough to have sex. You need a balance of both Alpha and Beta in a marriage to maximize her desire to have sex with you.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Delta Males*: These kind of guys put off a good front of acting like they're "Alpha males" by conforming into whatever is fashionable and admired by the masses. Most of these men (if you can call them that) need a lot of assurance by society to the point of having little backbone to think for themselves. Sure, many Delta males are surrounded by "friends" and are good at get their fair share of girls by "wooing" them with some pop-culture nonsense (whether it's A&F-style gauche preppiness or poser hip-hop wannabe thuggishness), but that crowd and attention is more imperative for their self-esteem than anything else. For if you take away all of the girls from them and get these same males by themselves, a Delta male's personality completely changes and their "true self" is revealed. Many of these kind of guys are rather weak-minded, crowd-pleasing, conformists who aren't even worthy of the name "Covert Betas" and "Betas in the Closet."
> 
> Click to expand...
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> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Gamma Males*: These kind of dudes are more or less self-reliant, self-motivated, and self-assured in their own personality that no one can change their ways. Some of these kind of males are considered loners, but this is not to case for all Gamma Males. Because of their stern personality, many people tend to write off these men as "Betas" by default because they won't conform to being whatever "Chic Alpha" trait exists during that time period.
> 
> The man who's confident in his own self-worth and looks is said to go a long way with what women want. But as for recent times (I'll say since the early 2000s), most females are more impressed with being "wooed" with inane attributes, something that most Gamma males will refuse to do unless their original personality is what woos the female. These men, until recently, have had no problems getting with "American females" but recently, even these males are getting thrown in the "weak male" shelf because of their lack of conforming to the masses.
> 
> Though getting women - even in today's time - isn't as much of a problem as it is for the "stereotypical Alpha Male," this is still a concern for quite a few Gamma males who were either born too recent (those in their teens and twenties) or those who live in areas where narcissism and American pop-culture rule the minds of the masses.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Lambdas* - the gays. They have their own social hierarchy. They can fill any role from Alpha to Omega, but they tend to play the part rather than actually be it because the heterosexual social construct only encompasses the public part of their lives. Example: Neil Patrick Harris. Suggestion: Straights will be more tolerant if you keep the bathhouse behavior behind closed doors.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Sigmas* - the lone wolves. Occasionally mistaken for Alphas, particularly by women and Alphas, they are not leaders and will actively resist the attempt of others to draft them. Alphas instinctively view them as challenges and either dislike or warily respect them. Some Deltas and most Omegas fancy themselves Sigmas, but the true Sigma's withdrawal from the pack is not a reaction to the way he is treated, it is pure instinct. Example: Clint Eastwood's movie persona. Suggestion: Entertain the possibility that other people are not always Hell. The banal idiocy is incidental, it's not intentional torture.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *Omegas* - the losers. Even the Gamma males despise them. That which doesn't kill them can make them stronger, but most never surmount the desperate need to belong caused by their social rejection. Omegas can be the most dangerous of men because the pain of their constant rejection renders the suffering of others completely meaningless in their eyes. Omegas tend to cluster in defensive groups; the dividing line between the Omega and the Sigma is twofold and can be easily recognized by a) the behavior of male Betas and Deltas and b) the behavior of women. Women tend to find outliers attractive in general, but while they respond to Sigmas almost as strongly as they do to Alphas, they correctly find Omega males creepier and much scarier than Gamma males. Example: Eric Harris Suggestion: Your rejection isn't entirely personal. Observe the difference in your own behavior and the way the Betas act. And try not to start off conversations with women by sharing "interesting facts" with them.
> 
> Click to expand...
Click to expand...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

lonestar79 said:


> Casual sex? We dated a 7-8 times before sex came into the picture. It was about 1-2 months after we started seeing each other. I don't think it was casual sex. I would even ask her to please stay the night with me after. She wasn't interested.


Was there any discussion about whether it was casual or not?
I had a guy ask me to stay the night with him, but it turned out he wasn't committed. While actions speak louder than words, sex and spending the night is an exception when words are necessary to express exact intention. Maybe you can find this girl and ask her for more information, if it was the sex that turned her off...or the relationship that went sour for her...


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## TiggyBlue

Looks like iv'e always been into sigmas lol


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## SimplyAmorous

Casting the biggest net you can = adding the ONLINE dating sites...I don't know much about this, but I would think those you have to Pay (like E- Harmony) might have more quality people... over a Plenty of Fish.... 

I don't think there is anything wrong with seeking a date this way... Just expect to do alot of "weeding through" to find some good quality matches. 

All shapes, sizes, colors, temperaments, looks, personalities , interests can be found online. Take the plunge, cast your online net.... 

And in the meantime..you will get more interaction with the females ...that could help you down the road. A little experience never hurts, does it. I think women have alot more to worry about than a man -using these dating sites.


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## SimplyAmorous

abitlost said:


> Looks like iv'e always been into sigmas lol


Machiavelli ....who is the expert on TAM in identifying these types/ explaining them. From my various posts...he pegged my husband as a GAMMA ~ SIGMA. 

Sounds about right....he could care less about adding Alpha, or conforming to any plan to change who he is....some of the "beating your chest" males he works with ~ disgust him (we do get alot of laughs out of their bragging though)....he is who the hell he is and a woman can take it, appreciate it, or leave. This has forever been his attitude. 

He is a through & through genuine Nice guy...which works for me 95% of the time...anyway.


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## ScarletBegonias

I think I have the Beta/Gamma/Sigma combo package in my SO 

my sweet,wonderful NICE GUY *add fluttering hearts,cooing doves,and kissy faces...aaaaand a side of vomit face for those who can't handle sugary sweetness* LOL


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## TiggyBlue

SimplyAmorous said:


> Machiavelli ....who is the expert on TAM in identifying these types/ explaining them. From my various posts...he pegged my husband as a GAMMA ~ SIGMA.
> 
> Sounds about right....he could care less about adding Alpha, or conforming to any plan to change who he is....some of the "beating your chest" males he works with ~ disgust him (we do get alot of laughs out of their bragging though)....he is who the hell he is and a woman can take it, appreciate it, or leave. This has forever been his attitude.
> 
> He is a through & through genuine Nice guy...which works for me 95% of the time...anyway.


He sounds alot like my husband, he doesn't care what anyone else thinks of him and won't change to impress anyone (which ironically enough impressed me lol).
He get's called 'alpha' alot because he's really into mixed martial arts but that means next to nothing to him.


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## cantmove

I'm not into strictly alphas either. I like a combo, a genuinely nice guy who can be alpha when the time is right. There is a time and place for all of it.


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## Coffee Amore

lonestar79 said:


> Regarding online dating... I will try it although I need to figure out how to deal with judgements against it... Say I start dating a girl I found online. We go to a coworker's party together.
> 
> Me: This is my girlfriend Meg
> Guy at party: Nice to meet you. How did you guys meet?
> Me: We met online
> Guy at party: - awkward silence - and a nod...


:scratchhead:

And what exactly is the problem with that conversation?

I know several couples who met online. Two of them met on fantasy role playing sites like World of Warcraft. One friend is a teacher and the other is an attorney. They both met their long-term boyfriends playing games online. They freely share that information with others. There's no stigma attached to online dating. It's very modern and shows you're cyber savvy. Is it that you think it reeks of desperation like say going to a matchmaker? Like you couldn't find someone on your own? If that's the issue then make up a funny story about how you two met. Maybe you worry too much about what others think. I say that as someone who recognizes a fellow worry wart.  

I'm off the market now, but I wasn't ever into the so-called alpha males either. I like a man who can be assertive and confident, but is nice to me and others without being a complete doormat. Someone who is a barhoppping bad boy never appealed to me. They seemed too shallow.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I heard of a guy who used a chatbot to chat up women who met his appearance and other criteria on online dating sites. He ran the chats through a text analyzer and contacted the top picks or what he was looking for and found his wife that way. 

Who cares how you met as long as you're happy?

I did comment that I bet his wife never im's with him and everyone laughed, but for the most part all present agreed that this story was very cool and that the couple were very happy together.


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## SimplyAmorous

abitlost said:


> He sounds alot like my husband, he doesn't care what anyone else thinks of him and won't change to impress anyone (which ironically enough impressed me lol).
> He get's called 'alpha' alot because he's really into mixed martial arts but that means next to nothing to him.


Mine would never be called Alpha, he is too Nice, caring , couldn't brag himself up for anything... The biggest Alpha he might possess (and I say this only cause it is manly traits)....is his being an amazing Mechanic & Handyman - can fix anything, he's made his own tools to finish a job.. much patience there (even that is likely beta though!). 

He is a through & through gentlemen, plays board Games with the kids, cuddles our daughter while watching movies...She likely loves Dad more than Mom! 



> *cantmove said* :I'm not into strictly alphas either. I like a combo, *a genuinely nice guy who can be alpha when the time is right. There is a time and place for all of it*.


 Mine had one of those moments last week...One of the "can't see his own flaws" idiots at work got on his nerves the other day, riding him about the job, while this Joker is the slacker, always sleeping on company time... my husband hauled off & told him....he is as "worthless as Ti*s on a bull".... when he came home & told me this.... I laughed my butt off...









I asked him if that made him feel good to tell him off... He said a resounding "NO" ....and went on how he shouldn't have to act like that ... he just thinks others are complete A-holes - for pushing other people like that. 

But he has it in him to speak his mind.... and yeah.... I like that.


----------



## TiggyBlue

SimplyAmorous said:


> Mine would never be called Alpha, he is too Nice, caring , couldn't brag himself up for anything... The biggest Alpha he might possess (and I say this only cause it is manly traits)....is his being an amazing Mechanic & Handyman - can fix anything, he's made his own tools to finish a job.. much patience there (even that is likely beta though!).
> 
> He is a through & through gentlemen, plays board Games with the kids, cuddles our daughter while watching movies...She likely loves Dad more than Mom!
> 
> 
> 
> Mine had one of those moments last week...One of the "can't see his own flaws" idiots at work got on his nerves the other day, riding him about the job, while this Joker is the slacker, always sleeping on company time... my husband hauled off & told him....he is as "worthless as Ti*s on a bull".... when he came home & told me this.... I laughed my butt off...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I asked him if that made him feel good to tell him off... He said a resounding "NO" ....and went on how he shouldn't have to act like that ... he just thinks others are complete A-holes - for pushing other people like that.
> 
> But he has it in him to speak his mind.... and yeah.... I like that.


My husband get's called 'alpha' purely because of doing mixed martial arts (he is tall and has a fighters body), but iv'e never met such a kind and caring man as him, extremely humble BUT people often mistaken kindness as weakness and that is a idiotic assumption.

I was friends with him before we got together so got the advantage of observing him before we got together, we were at a pub and pretty much all the other blokes we were with were beating there chests, my future husband looked at his watch and said 'got to go need to get take away and go see my mum and sister' all the other blokes started to make fun of him and call him his mums puppet,
he turned around and said 'don't really give a f*ck what you think, I ain't my mums puppet and i'm not yours either and frankly my mums better company than you' and left.
I think I pretty much fell in love with him right then lol.

When we found out I was pregnant he said straight off the bat he want's to stay home part time so he can really bond with the baby, not what alot of people would call 'alpha' but he's is the exact kind of man a wanted to be the father of my child.


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## lonestar79

Hi everybody!! Thank you for all the advice. I did sign up to an online site and started emailing ladies. Will set up some dates yay! I will also look into dance classes... Ballroom, salsa and all that! Should be fun.

Finally, I wanted to ask your advice on one last topic (you guys are the best!) About 6 months ago I broke up with a lovely girl. Before I broke up, we were getting along really well, she was super caring and a nice person. Honestly she was perfect girlfriend material...except one thing. This girl used to be an athlete when she was younger (she is 32 now) but she wouldn't work out regularly any more (only did yoga). She had gained quite a bit of weight. Probably around 30-40 pounds. It was turning me off in bed. Our sex life got pretty bad because I wasn't that attracted when I saw her naked. Now, don't get me wrong, I really liked her as a person. She was perfect companion. Lovely girl. But I do need sex. I couldn't open up to her about this problem and eventually broke up with her without really telling her why. She was so sad. I beat myself about this for a long time. I still do. Can someone tell me what could I have done instead? Was there a way to save this relationship? Did I do the right thing by moving on? I still talk to her sometimes and I think she still likes me...


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## Coffee Amore

lonestar79 said:


> Hi everybody!! Thank you for all the advice. I did sign up to an online site and started emailing ladies. Will set up some dates yay! I will also look into dance classes... Ballroom, salsa and all that! Should be fun.
> 
> Finally, I wanted to ask your advice on one last topic (you guys are the best!) About 6 months ago I broke up with a lovely girl. Before I broke up, we were getting along really well, she was super caring and a nice person. Honestly she was perfect girlfriend material...except one thing. This girl used to be an athlete when she was younger (she is 32 now) but she wouldn't work out regularly any more (only did yoga). She had gained quite a bit of weight. Probably around 30-40 pounds. It was turning me off in bed. Our sex life got pretty bad because I wasn't that attracted when I saw her naked. Now, don't get me wrong, I really liked her as a person. She was perfect companion. Lovely girl. But I do need sex. I couldn't open up to her about this problem and eventually broke up with her without really telling her why. She was so sad. I beat myself about this for a long time. I still do. Can someone tell me what could I have done instead? Was there a way to save this relationship? Did I do the right thing by moving on? I still talk to her sometimes and I think she still likes me...


If she lost the weight, you'd want to be with her again?

If you're looking to get back with her, perhaps I read your post wrong, you could broach the topic with her very delicately. It's not at all easy to talk about big weight gain. For most women, it's an incredibly sensitive topic that makes the listener very defensive as soon as they sense it's a discussion about their weight. I hope the others have some suggestions on how to open that discussion.


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## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> Depends - I love *HIS TYPE* (Shy & a little bit geeky not oozing with annoying bragging confidence).... the men that act like they don't need anyone means they don't. I never wanted that type... Give me the Hopeless Romantic Looking for his soul mate anyday!
> 
> Some people really want to find LOVE... I wouldn't put them down for this. It's such a shame you have to play these stupid games of attraction for women.
> 
> My husband didn't run from me, I was a husband hunter since my teens....but I wasn't looking for riches, I was just looking for the authentic...the real deal. Thank God for Beta Romantic men...... I don't mean those who seem insecure either... just those who know what they want and not afraid to admit such, even if it makes them sound "needy".
> 
> This man makes a lot of $$, he is not insecure, if he is, I think many could learn a thing or 2 from him & how he has handled himself to get where he is.
> 
> Nothing wrong with those who have a heart for finding their soul mate...
> 
> But yeah... the majority of women love those ALpha Boys...confident... Play the stupid game... just throw these women a bone, then ignore the hell out of them and they'll all want you...their attraction will grow like wildfire.... this has never made any damn sense to me at all.
> 
> Maybe this man has TIME as one of his Love languages... I often think people want to call this needy... maybe he just wants to find Love... I wish him well.
> 
> I hope you will find her, your type deserve it the most.


I never understood all the stupid games either. I was raised to be a logical person, but logic isn't always a great asset in relationships.


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## EnjoliWoman

lonestar79 said:


> Hi everybody!! Thank you for all the advice. I did sign up to an online site and started emailing ladies. Will set up some dates yay! I will also look into dance classes... Ballroom, salsa and all that! Should be fun.
> 
> Finally, I wanted to ask your advice on one last topic (you guys are the best!) About 6 months ago I broke up with a lovely girl. Before I broke up, we were getting along really well, she was super caring and a nice person. Honestly she was perfect girlfriend material...except one thing. This girl used to be an athlete when she was younger (she is 32 now) but she wouldn't work out regularly any more (only did yoga). She had gained quite a bit of weight. Probably around 30-40 pounds. It was turning me off in bed. Our sex life got pretty bad because I wasn't that attracted when I saw her naked. Now, don't get me wrong, I really liked her as a person. She was perfect companion. Lovely girl. But I do need sex. I couldn't open up to her about this problem and eventually broke up with her without really telling her why. She was so sad. I beat myself about this for a long time. I still do. Can someone tell me what could I have done instead? Was there a way to save this relationship? Did I do the right thing by moving on? I still talk to her sometimes and I think she still likes me...


I will precede my comments by admitting I might be a bit defensive about this since my ex used to measure me and weigh me. AND I've been on many dates and most men categorize themselves as 'average' when they have a beer gut and twiggy legs. I know I'm chunky and mens' reactions vary quite a bit from not being turned on to liking me the way I am.

Did she put this 30-40 pounds on while dating? If so, how long did you date?
Are you athletic and fit?

If she put this weight on while dating and you are very athletic then your lifestyles could very well not mesh long-term. Yoga is pretty hard. You could say you are concerned about her health (BP, blood sugar). Sounds like you aren't living together or engaged/serious so you have little control over eating habits at home. You could suggest taking up running and offer to do it together every day or some other activity. But there are no guarantees in life.


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## Monarch

Concern for her health is a good suggestion and the only way I could imagine broaching the subject of weight (which matters to me personally).

I'm surprised as a former athlete she let herself gain weight...perhaps there was depression or a medical problem like thyroid disfunction?

My suggestion for meeting women would be to get a dog. Cute/handsome dog shows you can take care of something and provides an ice breaker. Gives you something to talk about and a shared interest right off the bat. I've met more women in my neighborhood from walking the dog than I've met in my entire life any other way.


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## Phenix70

Born & raised in LA, know how difficult it is to date there.
Image is EVERYTHING, even if you don't work in the Entertainment Industry.
Your surroundings are influencing you more than you think, if you lived on the East Coast, Mid West or in the South, I doubt you would be as hung up on the specific looks & the age of the women you want to meet.
In LA it's rare that people get married before their 30's, while elsewhere in the US, your peer group is celebrating 10th anniversaries by that time. 
Because you have such a specific person you want to meet, your best bet is to either use a professional dating service, like "It's Just Lunch" or a paid online dating service.

Regarding the yoga chick who got too fat for your liking, don't go back, don't pass go, don't collect $200.
It's in the past, going back now to tell her you left her because she got too fat for you to have sex with, would be devastating.
No one needs to hear that AFTER the fact, that's something you should have said WHILE you were dating.
It would probably have been painful then for her to hear that her weight gain was turning you off, but it's nothing compared to you telling her now. 
Telling her now is NOT going to increase the chances of you two getting back together, if she's a smart woman, hearing what you had to say would turn her off. 
Your attempt at making amends will most likely not turn out the way you imagine the scenario playing out.


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## moxy

Buy the car you want.

Quit putting out a needy vibe.

LA is full of opportunists so youve got lots of NSA options. Women in their 20s don't want to settle down with someone, but women in their 30s usually do.

Go do activities you like where you might meet people who interest you. Date everyone who interests you and says yes. You need to shake off that desperation a little and getting out there will help. Eventually, you'll like someone enough to stop thinking about what kind of trophy will suit you and start connecting with people. 

There are lots of single people in LA and you have tons of opportunity there.


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## malkuth

lonestar79 said:


> - Once or twice a week, I go out for drinks/clubbing with a few guy friends from work. There is a super good looking guy I work with. Dude gets another girl every time and these are really hot ones. Every once in a while I get a girls number but it rarely follows through. This good looking guy is a friend of mine. He says that I am chasing too strong. OK, I stopped that now. But now I don't meet anyone in clubs/drinks either. I guess it would be better if I socialized with women in a daytime place. Any ideas where I can do that? I like the dog shelter idea. Will look into that.


last year, I was in Cluj Napoca and I used to go to a club called "janis" nearly everynight. It was nice first but after a while I wanted something deeper and romantic but I wasn't able to find it. Thinking about it, I got angry and said "why I can't see a girl with quality?!". A girlfriend of mine answered "and what made you think there would be quality in the bottom of a club?". She was right, and you must change where you are looking too.


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## Wiserforit

lonestar79 said:


> Do charity work, join plenty of fish, work at dog shelters. All noted and thanks for that.


*yawn*

I travelled extensively for work and spent months at a time in different countries over more than ten years. My observation was that this is a simple numbers game.

I lived sandwiched between two military bases and the male:female ratio was way out of whack so the women were arrogant and fat. 

But in places where I travelled, especially the third world, they were falling at my feet, just throwing themselves at me and I got so accustomed to it I didn't look twice at the women where I lived. My wife is less than half my age, very bright, tri-lingual, and just a scorcher. Incredible wife and mother. My problem wasn't finding them, but the heartbreak of telling them no, and that included ones on their knees with their arms around my legs sobbing "don't go, don't go don't go".

I remember running into a cabbie in Rochester Minnesota because my father was at the Mayo clinic. The cabbie was a fat, middle aged slob. He was telling me how wonderful it was because the place was crawling with nurses and he was up to his ears in different hotties he was dating at the same time. That led me out of curiosity to look at census data and do a little study of M/F ratios for single people in different counties of the U.S. I do statistical analysis with this census data for my work so this took me just a few minutes. 

It is incredible how much this varies, and when you get to a ratio of 1.2 females per male that is a huge imbalance. Just imagine that for every five guys there are not just five girls to pair them with, but one lonely girl working hard to steal one of the men. That keeps all of the other women on their toes too. 

But internationally it was more like 50:1 female/male given that I was from a free country and earned so much more than the competition there. I wasn't traveling to meet women, but it was inevitable I would marry out of that pool instead of locally because it was the difference between a "10" and a "2". I do see that guys go on international introduction sites to meet girls, and they all have younger, more beautiful women that view marriage as a team effort instead of adversarial. But that approach would have severely restricted my dating pool and when meeting people in person, in their neighborhood with family and friends around them you have zero doubt about who they are. 

I saw huge differences in women from cultural influences in South America, Asia, and the former Soviet Union. I see guys using these internet dating sites that are going after blonde eastern european girls because of the looks but my experience taught me to look more carefully within the culture I found most matched my interests instead of starting with looks as the first filter. I don't want to say more and be accused of stereotyping. 

When you do bring home a wife that blows the doors off any of the locals you'll sometimes hear the whining of the fat old hags and the envy of the local guys that she doesn't really love you. She just wanted security. At the same time they'll be scoffing at how she busts her fanny making you happy. They'll say that you wanted a "subservient" wife. But this is all just contradictory envy and spite. Of course she loves you because of the security you provide. This is romance novel level love. That's why she works so hard to make you happy. So let them eat their bitter soup if that makes them feel better about themselves. You're the one with the scorcher knocking herself out for you. 

Oh, and I drive a car that cost $1300.


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## opensesame

When a woman, anywhere, offers you the opportunity to talk to her and you're attracted to her, talk to her. It worked for me. I met my wife at a party. I didn't know her from Adam, just saw her, knew I liked her, started chatting about something stupid and asked her on a date and the rest is history.


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## stopandmakecoffee

simple family man with brain.good look/killer smile/flat abs is bonus.athletic guy/guy with muscles scares me like hell. 
yes financial stability is good, but simple&honest man is more than enough.simple and honest are scarce qualities nowadays.


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## January

While material things are nice, they are not what I look for in a man. I want just two things in a relationship: To be the ONLY girl in his life and to have a healthy sexual relationship together. 

With those two things, all else sorta falls right into place. (At least I believe so)


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## lonestar79

For the interested, I wanted to give a quick update on my situation: So far I took action mainly on 2 areas to meet women: online dating and dance classes.

Dance classes: I started going to salsa dance classes. I am glad to see that ratio of men to women seems in favor of men. Also, there are quite a few old men so I felt good for myself being 33 years old, in good shape and I think I am good looking. So far I haven't met any girls who caught my attention though. I will say the uncomfortable truth: girls in the class are either old or overweight or ugly (if I am not going to be honest here, where am I going to be?). So I will keep going to salsa classes to take a chance but no success so far. Those super hot girls you see in night clubs seem to skip the salsa classes! 

Online dating: I prepared a profile on match.com. I think it is a decent profile. People get to see that I have some interests (playing keyboard, mathematics, nature documentaries etc). I have cute photos as well. I emailed about 20 women and got 1 reply  I am only emailing the hot blondes so I am sure it is making my life difficult but I only want those so why bother emailing any one else? Arranged to meet this one girl next week. Will see how it goes...

So this is my progress so far. I am trying. One fact is emerging though: if you want a hot girl, they are very rarely hanging out on match.com or the salsa class. They are a lot more common in a night club. So, I want to cover the night club scene too... To do this, I started going to gym 4 times a week. I will develop some muscles ASAP and start showing them off in nightclubs. I know it sounds stupid but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Ps. Please don't tell me that I am looking for the wrong kind of girl. I am not looking for a stupid bimbo but I am also not going to date an ugly girl just for her brains. 

Ps. I am also looking into the idea of taking other types of classes (cooking etc). Will update everyone on that.


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## EleGirl

Have you also tried Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup ?

They have lots of activites and groups that I'm sure have hot young women attending.

Here's one group you might like... It's a group of Mixed Professional Singles, they have about 2,800 members... some of them hot blonds...

Mix Professional Singles with Fun Events (Los Angeles, CA) - Meetup




.


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## lonestar79

Thanks EleGirl! That's a great idea! I will definitely join them!

On a seperate note, if any ladies have a few minutes to spare, could you review my profile on match?  Ok, maybe that's asking too much! I just wanted to see if I look like I am same caliber as the kind of girl I am looking for... or am I living in la-la land  If anyone has a few minutes to spare, I will send them a private message with a link to my profile.


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## goodwife4

those blonde hot girls at the night clubs usually know they are hot and are looking for a hot rich guy,,

... all very vain i think. whos to say shes a natural blonde anyways and what happens when you have kids and she gains a bit and then theres nothing else about her you like because all youre looking for is looks ?

just saying


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## lonestar79

Ok, I see... I am already rich by most standards (have more than a million in the bank, good start no?). Not enough I guess....I guess I am going to have to play this alpha male game to get the girl of my dreams. Hit the gym 5 times a week, get an expensive sports car and all that. Let's see where I get to with all this. At least I won't look back and regret when I turn old...


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## Lon

*Re: Re: Ladies, what are you looking for in men?*



lonestar79 said:


> Ok, I see... I am already rich by most standards (have more than a million in the bank, good start no?). Not enough I guess....I guess I am going to have to play this alpha male game to get the girl of my dreams. Hit the gym 5 times a week, get an expensive sports car and all that. Let's see where I get to with all this. At least I won't look back and regret when I turn old...


It's not how much you have it's how much you spend on them.


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## Dreald

lonestar79 said:


> For the interested, I wanted to give a quick update on my situation: So far I took action mainly on 2 areas to meet women: online dating and dance classes.
> 
> Dance classes: I started going to salsa dance classes. I am glad to see that ratio of men to women seems in favor of men. Also, there are quite a few old men so I felt good for myself being 33 years old, in good shape and I think I am good looking. So far I haven't met any girls who caught my attention though. I will say the uncomfortable truth: girls in the class are either old or overweight or ugly (if I am not going to be honest here, where am I going to be?). So I will keep going to salsa classes to take a chance but no success so far. Those super hot girls you see in night clubs seem to skip the salsa classes!
> 
> Online dating: I prepared a profile on match.com. I think it is a decent profile. People get to see that I have some interests (playing keyboard, mathematics, nature documentaries etc). I have cute photos as well. I emailed about 20 women and got 1 reply  I am only emailing the hot blondes so I am sure it is making my life difficult but I only want those so why bother emailing any one else? Arranged to meet this one girl next week. Will see how it goes...
> 
> So this is my progress so far. I am trying. One fact is emerging though: if you want a hot girl, they are very rarely hanging out on match.com or the salsa class. They are a lot more common in a night club. So, I want to cover the night club scene too... To do this, I started going to gym 4 times a week. I will develop some muscles ASAP and start showing them off in nightclubs. I know it sounds stupid but you gotta do what you gotta do.
> 
> Ps. Please don't tell me that I am looking for the wrong kind of girl. I am not looking for a stupid bimbo but I am also not going to date an ugly girl just for her brains.
> 
> Ps. I am also looking into the idea of taking other types of classes (cooking etc). Will update everyone on that.


Forgive me for sounding like a tool, but your writing style and diction does NOT make you sound like the pedigree of education, income and attractiveness that you first posted. IMO, you're focused on the surface attractiveness of a woman. While it's important to be sexually interested in her, if you're truly looking for a wife, realize that those looks fade over time and many women who focus only on their looks, do so at the expense of their personality. 

Sorry, but I had to say this....only you can be the judge of your true intent of what you value in a woman.


----------



## lonestar79

Don't worry, I don't get offended so easily (at least not on an anonymous forum). Let me try to address your points.

My writing diction, writing style etc: I am from a non-english speaking country. My writing style has been mainly shaped when I moved to California and started publishing academic research during my PhD. There you have to write plain and factual. I am not great at idioms etc as much as a native speaker obviously. I don't know if this addresses your point.

Short answer to other points: education, pedigree and income does not shape the instinctual drives people have. Actually, it is the other way around. Innate drives in hypothalamus (drives for survival and reproduction) shape all our sophisticated behaviour and the world we live in. So, I am not going to pretend that my drives are more polished and sophisticated now that I am more educated. I am driven to pass on my genes to that blonde girl I find attractive. 

I am acknowledging that what I have (pedigree, income etc) probably does not entitle me to the beautiful girl I want. I am posting on this forum so I can hear some female opinions on what I can do to make myself more attractive to those females. Honestly, I think it is a pretty noble cause.

Will that pretty girl get ugly when she gets old? She will. We all will. That's besides the point though. The point is: I am programmed to pass on my genes to the next generation through the best female genes I can access. So, you are probably right that those beauties will get fat, ugly and old one day but by that time they will have raised my kids (if I marry them). That's the point.

Also, I think it is a misconception that any hot girl must be a plain dumb, stupid, bimbo. Obviously the smart ones are harder to get and that's why I am asking for opinions here.


----------



## Anabel

I agree, you come across as superficial. Truly it's a turn-off to most women, including the "hot" ones.

Really cliche, but try to relax and have confidence in yourself...no need to list all your qualities like a resume. Show who you are by your actions, don't label yourself.

Confidence and also some humility will help you.


----------



## lovemylife

Since you are in LA you could look into Patti Stranger's Millionaires club http://www.millionairesclub123.com/. She is good and can get you gorgeous and brains too.


----------



## ComicBookLady

Just being honest, you sound completely superficial to me too, I'm sorry. I actually felt my stomach clench when I read this:



> Will that pretty girl get ugly when she gets old? She will. We all will. That's besides the point though. The point is: I am programmed to pass on my genes to the next generation through the best female genes I can access. So, you are probably right that those beauties will get fat, ugly and old one day but by that time they will have raised my kids (if I marry them). That's the point.


What happens to the hot baby machine (which is basically what I think you're saying you want in that paragraph) when she's old and fat? Or if she gets out of shape and un-hot in just a few years... do you intend to leave her or cheat?

I realize you said that you are not looking for just a hot bimbo, but just about everything you've been saying is making me think that looks is #1 priority for you. Is there any other attributes you look for in a woman? Sorry if you posted them and I missed them.

I feel like the paragraph I quoted is your personal excuse for only chasing the hot woman. I have to say that NO good woman (hot, ugly, or inbetween) is going to put up with a man that's only in it for sex and baby making, unless she's money grubbing arm candy that will never love you. 

Just my personal opinion, but for your lifelong happiness, I would re-evaluate what's important to you in life.

I really do wish you the very best.


----------



## Freak On a Leash

lonestar79 said:


> Ok, I see... I am already rich by most standards (have more than a million in the bank, good start no?). Not enough I guess....I guess I am going to have to play this alpha male game to get the girl of my dreams. Hit the gym 5 times a week, get an expensive sports car and all that. Let's see where I get to with all this. At least I won't look back and regret when I turn old...


:lol: :rofl: You are so friggin' desperate to find a woman! You act like you are shopping for a car! :slap: :wtf:

Dude, take a chill pill and just ENJOY your life and have a good time. You got a million dollars? Well, that's GREAT! What's the rush to marry someone and start pumpin' out kids and kiss your life goodbye? 

You spend hours per week at the gym pumpin' iron and now you are spending more hours looking to get a wife. What's WITH that? Are you having ANY fun obsessing about this like you are doing? :scratchhead:

So......You'll buy yourself the Porsche, play the Alpha male, impress some chick on Match.com with your resume and THEN:

You'll get married, she'll gain 50lbs after you have 3 kids, she'll stop having sex with you and you'll go have an affair and then she'll sue you for divorce and you'll have to give HER half your income in alimony and child support and then you'll be 50 years old and DREAMING and WISHING that you could be 33 years old, single and rich. 

WAKE UP!! Stop chasing your tail and just be yourself and have fun. Like Mavash said, learn to enjoy being by yourself and then maybe you'll find someone. 

Or maybe you won't. But your freedom and true happiness will be earned when you don't care anymore. 

Be a REAL man, buy a Jeep Wrangler, take the doors off, put the top down and take a drive up the PCH and enjoy life. Sheesh...


----------



## hookares

lonestar79, why don't you just try being you. It has worked for me and I haven't had any problem getting dates in the last two years.
If your potential interest doesn't like you the way you are, you'll regret spending much time with her and she'll have the same regrets.


----------



## lonestar79

Thanks for all the advice guys... However, I don't buy into this "just be yourself", "just have fun", "stop being shallow", "stop trying so hard, you are desperate" type advice. So I did some research on my own and here is, in my opinion, much much better advice:

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person | Cracked.com

Thanks for all the help anyway.


----------



## moxy

I think that what women want in a man is intensely variable. Someone who is authentic and honest has a better chance at finding a good match than someone who is trying to fit some ideal or get someone else who fits an ideal.


----------



## PeaceTrain

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> A sports car won't win you a good woman.
> 
> Don't try to be someone your not trying to impress a woman. Be who you are right off the bat.
> 
> Women like respect, honesty, affection, someone who will listen, kindness, ect...
> 
> Different women have different needs. I need a nice guy type and I have him. Since day one he's always put my needs before his own. He works extremely hard for us and is very protective of me and the kids. <3
> 
> My husband is honest, kind, romantic, never complains, listens to me, is my best friend, is positive, fair, ect.. I can go on and on.
> 
> If I met him and he had a Porsche, I doubt I'd date him. I'm not into material things and big toys.


There are more on the other side


----------



## PeaceTrain

lonestar79 said:


> I really need some high level advice here. I am an early thirties man living in LA. I am 6'0" tall, 170 pounds, in shape, got the winning smile  In terms of looks, I would say I am 7/8 out of 10. I have gone to best schools (stanford), done very well at work (I make about half a million a year), and I am an amateur musician. I am a nice person I swear to god....I don't want to keep talking about myself... The point is, I don't understand why I can't get a friendly and good looking mid-twenties girlfriend. Where do these ladies hide? Please don't tell me to take a yoga class, it is just creepy to take a class to meet women. I work in a demanding office job in finance world. There is not much women at work (just being honest)... Feeling a bit stuck. Anyone on here living in LA? I really need some female advice.
> 
> I am considering getting an expensive sports car. Like a porsche. I am not really into cars but when it comes to women, I am running out of ideas..
> 
> Any advice would be so much appreciated. Some straight female advice please!
> 
> ps. I am a guy, I do care that she should be good looking...But I am not asking for a super model either.


Hey dude take time. Your stat is great. You are not deaf right? Just making sure u can talk, and appear as confident when you talk.

You will find women. You don't want to end up with wrong women. Lot of us had. You will find them here. Trust me you don't want that life. That's extremely painful.

How come you did not pick up anybody while going to college? Nothing wrong setting up profile in those online dating sites. Start doing things where you can meet women. While you are going to gym, talk to those women you see around. Nothing wrong starting conversation and finding out if somebody is available. 

Fall in love with something productive like working out you doing already. You make music already. Join a band or something.

Have sense of humor. Start blogging and make use of your skills that making you earn 500,000 bucks. Spread the wisdom you have. Help people. Start volunteering. Start posting nice picture of your hobby, travel, music in the Facebook. Not to attract girls, but to live life. Don't be afraid to move you age boundary. Take a chance. Amazing thing could happen with 30 years old. Lightening could strike. Take a chance. 

How is our outfit? Don't be always suited and booted. loosen up. It is very attractive when a guy as successful as you are acts very normal and underachiever. 

you are not married yet. Once you are, you had no idea, how disable you would be if it doesn't turn out to be good.

Trust me, my stat was not as good as yours but somewhat close, I rushed. Now I am in TAM. Can you guess what happened?


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## 2ofus

Don't be in a rush, you can't make things happen. It will happen when you least expect it.
Try joining a sports team, indoor Soccer, touch footy. Make some new friends male and female, they might have a sister or cousin. You need to be genuine even with the friends you make.
Have a party at your house, invite friends from work, other friends and ask them to bring someone. You never know who you might meet.
Most important just be friends with these people you meet, a genuine friend.


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## Created2Write

You're really only willing to go out with hot blondes?


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## lonestar79

Created2Write said:


> You're really only willing to go out with hot blondes?


I wouldn't put it so strongly, there are always exceptions but I do tend to get more attracted to blondes, yes. Blondes from german/scandinavian heritage...


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## Created2Write

lonestar79 said:


> I wouldn't put it so strongly, there are always exceptions but I do tend to get more attracted to blondes, yes. Blondes from german/scandinavian heritage...


Up til now I thought your expectations were realistic. Just because you're "more" attracted to a certain kind of physical appearance, doesn't mean you won't be abundantly happy with a brunette. Or a redhead. Or someone with black hair. I mean, come ON man! My husband prefers blondes, and for a while that's all he dated. Blonde girls. I'm the only girlfriend he's had who wasn't blonde, or very, very close to it. And guess what? I'm also the only girl who didn't cheat on him, or keep him at arms length. 

It's one thing to say, "I want a woman I will be attracted to." That I get. I was the same way. I wanted a man I would see as the hottest man alive. He didn't actually have to be the hottest man alive, but so long as I thought he was, I would be happy. But to say, "I can't be attracted to any woman unless she's got very pale white skin and blonde hair" is, frankly, absurd. The last time I was immature enough to be so picky, I was sixteen when I actually wrote "Must be black" on my list of things I wanted in a husband. 

My husband isn't black. My husband is white. And I wouldn't trade him for anyone. Seriously, you need to rethink your priorities. If a girl who fits all of your other criteria comes along, but she happens to have dark, black hair, are you going to pass her by? Like her less? If so, you're shallow. I hate to be so blunt, but if you really want a girl as badly as you say you do, you would be MUCH less picky.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

My husband was 33 when we met. I'm younger then him. I wasn't looking to date either. We were set up on a blind date, although we talked on the phone for a couple weeks before we met. I have an amazing husband.


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## lonestar79

Created2Write, as I said earlier, there are always exceptions. Blonde is my preference but if I meet someone amazing who happens to be brunette, that's ok. All depends on the person. But everything else being equal, I would go for the blonde...


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## Phenix70

I find nothing wrong with you searching for a certain type of woman, you have your preferences & that's that.
You're attracted to sexy blondes, just as a majority of men are.
You'll have lots of competition as well, so keep working out & making that $$$, you're going to probably need it.
Oh yeah & get yourself an ironclad Pre-Nup, don't want to lose that nest egg you've already started.


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## Created2Write

lonestar79 said:


> Created2Write, as I said earlier, there are always exceptions. Blonde is my preference but if I meet someone amazing who happens to be brunette, that's ok. All depends on the person. But everything else being equal, I would go for the blonde...


It's okay to have preferences. It just seems to me like your standards are so incredibly high that they're almost unrealistic. I mean, I get the things like wanting a woman who is passionate about sex, a woman you can be attracted to, a woman who won't just be with you because of your money, a woman who will be fun, a woman who won't want kids within a year or two, etc. I get those. They make sense. And there are women who are fit and attractive and meet those criteria...but not all of them are pale white blondes. 

I swear I'm not trying to berate you or anything. But you seem like a really nice guy who is ready for a committed relationship, and I think you would have a much higher likelihood of being in that relationship sooner if you were open to different skin and hair colors. I had a lot of "preferences" that I didn't get in my husband, and I am not any less happy than I would have been if those preferences had been present. And after four utterly heartbreaking relationships I had to learn that preferences aren't really that important. I dated the same kind of guy each time, and it wasn't until the last relationship ended that I realized my priorities were off. I knew the man who is now my husband during all of those relationships and couldn't stand him. 

And now we're married. And despite our faults, we have a good, happy relationship. So, be open. Don't limit yourself. And please, don't see women who don't fit your physical criteria as "exceptions". Physical appearance(skin color, eye color, hair color, height) isn't that important in the long run.


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## lonestar79

Fair enough.


----------



## PeaceTrain

Created2Write said:


> It's okay to have preferences. It just seems to me like your standards are so incredibly high that they're almost unrealistic. I mean, I get the things like wanting a woman who is passionate about sex, a woman you can be attracted to, a woman who won't just be with you because of your money, a woman who will be fun, a woman who won't want kids within a year or two, etc. I get those. They make sense. And there are women who are fit and attractive and meet those criteria...but not all of them are pale white blondes.
> 
> I swear I'm not trying to berate you or anything. But you seem like a really nice guy who is ready for a committed relationship, and I think you would have a much higher likelihood of being in that relationship sooner if you were open to different skin and hair colors. I had a lot of "preferences" that I didn't get in my husband, and I am not any less happy than I would have been if those preferences had been present. And after four utterly heartbreaking relationships I had to learn that preferences aren't really that important. I dated the same kind of guy each time, and it wasn't until the last relationship ended that I realized my priorities were off. I knew the man who is now my husband during all of those relationships and couldn't stand him.
> 
> And now we're married. And despite our faults, we have a good, happy relationship. So, be open. Don't limit yourself. And please, don't see women who don't fit your physical criteria as "exceptions". Physical appearance(skin color, eye color, hair color, height) isn't that important in the long run.


Don't be so hard on him. You are not him  He may get what he wants. Miracle happens. He sure smart to know when options getting closer to expiry date and still under water, might as well close the positions and go for what I got. He would understand if he is a financial guy....


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## lonestar79

Hi PeaceTrain,

Thanks. Actually, it is not so easy to know when the options are getting close to expiry (you mean I am getting old right?). If you ask my mom, she will tell you that it is panic time!  I don't think so but who knows...

Besides, I don't think there is much I can do other than what I am doing already to find the girl of my dreams.


----------



## Created2Write

I'm not trying to be hard on him. But there are a few things that, I think, are unrealistic expectations. Her age, for one thing. Not every thirty year old woman is looking to have kids right away, and can be incredibly attractive. And the color of her hair and skin. Those things shouldn't be quite as important as he's making them. _Could_ he find a girl that meets his criteria in every way? Sure. Is it likely? No.


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## Sunshine1234

If you want the girl of your dreams don't look for someone in their 20's. Generally speaking 20somethings still have a lot of growing up to do. 

I didnt read all the posts but I always think the very best way to meet someone is through friends or the work place. If that doesn't work, you should join a club of whatever you are interested in. Co-Ed volleyball, softball, surfing, bird-watching, (lol), rock climbing, book club, (lol), church (even if you don't attend regularly you'll have a good chance of meeting a nice girl) or as another poster suggested, volunteer somewhere!


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## LostOneForGood

ScarletBegonias said:


> so you want a hot young girl who loves you for who you are,not your money or station in life.
> 
> How about a beautiful late twenties or 30 something woman who isn't a club hopper and has a good job and nice things all on her own?
> 
> Or does she have to be hot,young,and bubbleheaded enough to want a super alpha male??


Do you know where I can find this???? Been looking for this exactly!! My ex (I thought was this) did nothing but go club hopping and had 300+ BF's on Facebook, eventually took on 4 or 5 of them... I would give anyhting to find this!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## ScarletBegonias

LostOneForGood said:


> Do you know where I can find this???? Been looking for this exactly!! My ex (I thought was this) did nothing but go club hopping and had 300+ BF's on Facebook, eventually took on 4 or 5 of them... I would give anyhting to find this!!!:smthumbup:


well..i USED to be single LOL


----------



## ASummersDay

I am a woman in her mid-twenties. I don't live in LA and I imagine the dating scene there is a nightmare. Here's what I can tell you.

1. Financial security is incredibly appealing to me. It's something I haven't been able to obtain for myself yet, although I am working toward it. Your job and education is a big asset to the age bracket you are interested in.
But - if you are looking for something serious, make sure your career/financial stability is only one of many reasons she is into you.
2.) I LOVE OLDER MEN, provided they have developed emotional maturity. The fact that you are older can definitely be an asset - if you don't come off as having a twenty-something mentality! That would defeat the purpose.
3.) I can tell if someone is ONLY interested in me because I am "twenty-something and good-looking." This is a turnoff. It does not communicate to me that the person I'm interacting with has long-term potential; rather, that they are fickle and will leave me when I get older.
4.) There are droves of young actresses, models, singers trying to make it in LA. I don't know where you have tried looking but they are definitely out there. Look at how she dresses. Perhaps the type that catches your eye is a bit into herself. Remember - when the fake eyelashes and hip-hugging dress comes off, you gotta like what's underneath. 

Keep your options open - that cute barista may not look like a stunner in her work attire, but could look amazing at other venues. Look at the whole picture.


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## lonestar79

MrsDavey,

Thank you very much for your response! Very useful to get feedback from the target audience  Much appreciated!

I totally hear you on your first comment. I am working hard on myself so that my job is not the only thing I bring to table. I work out 3-4 times a week and been learning to play keyboard (electronic music). There is a limit to how much activity/hobbies I can do given my busy work schedule but I don't make that an excuse. So hopefully this will help.

I hear you on your 3rd comment too. I wouldn't be with someone just because they are young and beautiful but these conditions need to be in place I think. In short, being young and beautiful is a necessary condition, not sufficient. 

I am NOT looking for the silly wanna be actress type who only has looks. I am looking for someone with a career ambition (along with looks - but looks doesnt have to be a super model type, just needs to be cute). I am also sure these girls are out there. The problem so far is meeting them!! It has been harder than I thought. I have been doing online dating for the last 2 months or so... I have been asked on dates by 33, 34, 35 year old ladies many times. But the cute 26-27 year old girls don't answer to emails... Also tried nightclubs but nothing good came out of that. Been to salsa classes. I am not even going into the type of ladies I met in salsa anymore. 
I know I come off as a whining person but I swear I have been trying to make progress! And I can't believe this has been so hard. I am not looking for a 1 in a million type of girl I think. But I also do not want to settle for a mid thirties lady who would not have given me the time of day when she was mid twenties...


----------



## TiggyBlue

If that is what you want maybe investing in the car will be your best option, trouble is your competing with the young and beautiful men so will need a edge of some sort. Some do go for older with money you may get what your looking for.


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## lonestar79

TiggyBlue said:


> If that is what you want maybe investing in the car will be your best option, trouble is your competing with the young and beautiful men so will need a edge of some sort. Some do go for older with money you may get what your looking for.


Is 33 considered older? Oh man, you can never win this can you?  I am not ugly by the way, not a model looking guy but definitely not ugly.


----------



## TiggyBlue

It is when your mid 20's lol
I really wasn't implying that your ugly (have no idea what you look like).
But if you won't consider women your own age or a couple years older you can't really surprised a lot of women won't as well.


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## lonestar79

I guess my best best is to work out like crazy, spend money on new clothes, look fashionable etc, buy a sports car, throw parties and go out to bars.... Being nice, having career etc doesn't cut it when it comes to basic attraction. You gotta turn the ladies ON, otherwise noone gives a ****


----------



## TiggyBlue

lonestar79 said:


> I guess my best best is to work out like crazy, spend money on new clothes, look fashionable etc, buy a sports car, throw parties and go out to bars.... Being nice, having career etc doesn't cut it when it comes to basic attraction. You gotta turn the ladies ON, otherwise noone gives a ****


Being nice does mean a lot (and a career to some), but you have to be realistic. If your picky about what you want and won't budge you will need to cater to your targeted market and there are some beautiful women in there 20's do go for the men with nice cars throws their cash around a bit.


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## Faithful Wife

lonestar79...I hope you will take this as constructive. But if you aren't getting messages back from 99% of the girls you hit up first, it means you are shopping outside of your league. We don't need to see your pic to tell you this, because these girls are seeing your pic (and your other details) and by them not responding, you have your answer.

You are going to need to really "see" your own self the way women see you also, or else you will keep trying to put your fishing pole in the wrong pond.


----------



## lonestar79

Thanks Faithful wife... Don't worry I am not offended. Just trying to figure out if there are things I can change (things that are in my control) to change my luck. You are correct that girls on the website are probably not responding for a reason. And I am trying to see if it is a reason that I can change!.. If anyone wants to take a look at my profile, I am happy to send them an email with my profile info on the website so they can check it out...


----------



## Faithful Wife

It is counter-productive to "see if it is a reason that you can change".

What would be really productive would be to try to date girls that are into you, instead of trying to change into someone else that the girls who are NOT into you might like.


----------



## lonestar79

The girls that are into me... At the moment, those are the girls in their thirties...It is impossible to know whether they are into me or they are just too desperate to get married before time runs out for them. Twenty something girls don't have that pressure so truth comes out with them  This is another reason why I want to date a twenty something girl. I want credible evidence that she likes me and is not just dating me to avoid being left on the shelf. 

If I can't get a young girl in a few years time, I will give up and do the "productive" thing. But I will fight this until last minute.

Again, if anyone is nice enough to check out my match.com profile, I am happy to give them by profile name...


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## Faithful Wife

lonestar79....go ahead and post your match name. I can look at it.


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## TiggyBlue

Faithful Wife said:


> It is counter-productive to "see if it is a reason that you can change".
> 
> What would be really productive would be to try to date girls that are into you, instead of trying to change into someone else that the girls who are NOT into you might like.


:iagree:
But it does sound like the girls who are into him are not the kind of girls he's into.


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## TiggyBlue

lonestar79 said:


> The girls that are into me... At the moment, those are the girls in their thirties...It is impossible to know whether they are into me or they are just too desperate to get married before time runs out for them. Twenty something girls don't have that pressure so truth comes out with them  This is another reason why I want to date a twenty something girl. I want credible evidence that she likes me and is not just dating me to avoid being left on the shelf.
> 
> If I can't get a young girl in a few years time, I will give up and do the "productive" thing. But I will fight this until last minute.
> 
> Again, if anyone is nice enough to check out my match.com profile, I am happy to give them by profile name...


That's a pretty big assumption to make of women your age.


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## lonestar79

Faithful wife, I don't want to post my nick name on forum. Tried to send you private message but system doesn't accept it :-(


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## TiggyBlue

Is your private messaging enabled?


----------



## lonestar79

Tiggyblue, I just sent you a private message with my match.com nickname. Thank you so much for your help!


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## Faithful Wife

Sorry, my PM is turned off. Hopefully Tiggy can give you some pointers.

lonestar...it is sort of common for people to try to date above their own league. Sounds like this is what you are doing. Don't worry, it is a common mistake to incorrectly assess your own market the first few times you go around putting you toe in the various waters.

If you are ONLY attracted to women who are out of your league, then life is going to hand you a few lessons in humility.


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## lonestar79

Fair enough. I am happy to play ball with life.


----------



## Lon

*Re: Re: Ladies, what are you looking for in men?*



Faithful Wife said:


> Sorry, my PM is turned off. Hopefully Tiggy can give you some pointers.
> 
> lonestar...it is sort of common for people to try to date above their own league. Sounds like this is what you are doing. Don't worry, it is a common mistake to incorrectly assess your own market the first few times you go around putting you toe in the various waters.
> 
> If you are ONLY attracted to women who are out of your league, then life is going to hand you a few lessons in humility.


BS. I agree you need to be realistic about your expectations, and I also believe their is merit to sex rank, but don't let anyone tell you that someone you are attracted to is "out of your league" or somehow better than or above you. Just don't limit your candidates to the point you are missing out on really good ones or potentially an amazing one. Let the women do the filtering and go after what you want. Play ball and get yourself mentally prepared to knock it out of the park, until then know it may be a numbers game.


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## ASummersDay

Throwing parties is a great way to meet people. Attending parties as well. Just don't try too hard to be their age...do you know what I mean? 

My husband is 7 years older than I am. I was attracted to him because he wasn't like guys my age. I liked his self-assurance, emotional maturity, and sense of humor about our age difference. 

If he had tried to act like someone my age, I would not have been attracted to him. It would come across as a facade, given that his age is self-evident.


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## ASummersDay

I'd also like to suggest maybe looking outside of LA. I imagine LA has to be one of the most difficult dating environments out there.


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## lonestar79

Thanks Mrs Davey, very good suggestions. By the way, your husband has done well marrying younger! This is my plan too. I just need one girl to say yes, not tens of them so numbers game it is...

I get your point about acting my age, I will do that.

Looking outside of LA... I have been trying to move to New York City because all my friends say that New York has much better dating environment (my work may allow me to make this move soon and it is also a good move for career). To be honest, I have no evidence to support this belief that New York has better dating scene for men but I am taking chances.


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## barcafan

Lonestar,

You do not sound like a confident guy at all, not with women at least. You keep talking about changing yourself and that's really not how the game goes. Pick what you want, believe that you deserve it and can get it, then go get it. It works exactly like that. I know this because I used to think exactly like you! You do not need a million hobbies to find the woman you want. If you want to start a new hobby, find something manly to do. Read the 16 commandments of poon and live by it.

Also, clubs and bars aren't exactly the place to find women who are wife material. 

I know people will say that if you throw your money around a little and impress women with shiny things then you will only attract gold diggers but consider this. You want a girl in her twenties who possesses physical beauty. Put yourself in her position. Would you want to be with a guy who makes 60k a year and drives around in a Honda accord (nothing wrong with a honda) or the guy that rides around in a S500 and makes 500k a year assuming all others equal? I know I'm not settling for a Honda when I'm the equivalent of a Ferrari.

Most women love material things and most men love beautiful women. If you want a beautiful woman then you gotta bring something to the table besides your wonderfully amazing personality. Despite what most people say, it's not what's inside that counts, its both inside and outside. There is nothing wrong with that, learn to accept it.

I haven't read the entire thread so my apologies if my post is redundant.


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## Lon

*Re: Re: Ladies, what are you looking for in men?*



barcafan said:


> Lonestar,
> 
> You do not sound like a confident guy at all, not with women at least. You keep talking about changing yourself and that's really not how the game goes. Pick what you want, believe that you deserve it and can get it, then go get it. It works exactly like that. I know this because I used to think exactly like you! You do not need a million hobbies to find the woman you want. If you want to start a new hobby, find something manly to do. Read the 16 commandments of poon and live by it.
> 
> Also, clubs and bars aren't exactly the place to find women who are wife material.
> 
> I know people will say that if you throw your money around a little and impress women with shiny things then you will only attract gold diggers but consider this. You want a girl in her twenties who possesses physical beauty. Put yourself in her position. Would you want to be with a guy who makes 60k a year and drives around in a Honda accord (nothing wrong with a honda) or the guy that rides around in a S500 and makes 500k a year assuming all others equal? I know I'm not settling for a Honda when I'm the equivalent of a Ferrari.
> 
> Most women love material things and most men love beautiful women. If you want a beautiful woman then you gotta bring something to the table besides your wonderfully amazing personality. Despite what most people say, it's not what's inside that counts, its both inside and outside. There is nothing wrong with that, learn to accept it.
> 
> I haven't read the entire thread so my apologies if my post is redundant.


Not money, nor any one thing you "bring to the table" is the only way to attract a beautiful woman. Money works because it is an objective proof that the man has value. All a man has to do is demonstrate his value (in whichever way he has some) but that's the hard part when a man doesn't believe he is valuable.


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## barcafan

Lon said:


> Not money, nor any one thing you "bring to the table" is the only way to attract a beautiful woman. Money works because it is an objective proof that the man has value. All a man has to do is demonstrate his value (in whichever way he has some) but that's the hard part when a man doesn't believe he is valuable.


I never said it was the only thing he should bring to the table just like physical beauty isn't the only thing the women should be bringing to the table. However, they both play huge roles. 

I completely agree with you on the point that he needs to start feeling valuable himself before he can get what he wants which I made a point of in my first paragraph.


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## Lon

barcafan said:


> I never said it was the only thing he should bring to the table just like physical beauty isn't the only thing the women should be bringing to the table. However, they both play huge roles.
> 
> I completely agree with you on the point that he needs to start feeling valuable himself before he can get what he wants which I made a point of in my first paragraph.


But he's not going to be able to manifest expensive sports cars or a ridiculously high salary. He can find what he is good at and likes to do, hone it and share it with others around him - it will not only attract others to him it will also make his life much more enjoyable in general.

I agree with you it all has to do with self-belief, but believing that most pretty young women only go for rich guys is a good belief for him to trash. They go for ones that demonstrate value (and unlike beauty for women, men have a lot more options to go with this) The best way for him to demonstrate his value is to actually be valuable. Confidence is a secondary trait.


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## barcafan

I never suggested that most pretty young women ONLY go for rich guys, but it cuts your work out for you. Wealth can be used to attract women, not keep them. 

If you want to keep one, learn to be more confident. You should be so confident about yourself that sometimes it's hard for you to get up out of your seat due to your testicles being extremely dense. Women have a 6th sense that automatically detects weakness. 

Learn to be a little bit of a jerk. You sound way too nice.

Stop seeking hunting advice from deer. 

Bottom line is, guys who get what they want get it because they know they can. You don't want to get a sports car? That's perfectly fine, because YOU do not want it. Do whatever YOU want.

You belong to the top 1 percentile. Start acting like it and learn to not give a crap about what others say, including myself.


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## TiggyBlue

barcafan said:


> .
> 
> Stop seeking hunting advice from deer.


Problem is he isn't trying to hunt the 'deer', he's trying to attract them to him.


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## OrangeCrush

lonestar79 said:


> Hi PeaceTrain,
> 
> Thanks. Actually, it is not so easy to know when the options are getting close to expiry (you mean I am getting old right?). If you ask my mom, she will tell you that it is panic time!  I don't think so but who knows...


it is never panic time! and neither girls nor guys have any sort of 'expiry date', ffs i hate when people think like that. in reality, people meet and fall in love and form happy, romantic relationships at any age. it is only shallow people who believe that someone is 'less than' or loses value once they are (insert arbitrary age). 

speaking of...you need to lose your bad attitude about age if you want to be successful. especially where you write that you will give up and 'do the productive thing' only IF you really can't get a 20-ish-year-old- yuck! NO ONE wants to be with a guy who has the attitude that 'i settled for you'! 

maybe there are *some* 20's girls who like older men, but *most* want a man closer to their own age. i'm 25 and yes, 33 is old to me and i most likely would not reply to or date a man that much older than me. not because someone is less attractive or has less worth at 33, but because it is easier for me to relate to guys who are close to my age. 

also, if your priorities are superficial ( i.e. must be young, pale, blonde, blahblahblah) you are going to attract to you other people whose priorities are equally superficial (i.e. only in it because you look good or make money). obviously this isn't ideal, because you are not guaranteed to have your job or your looks or health in the future, and then what? you should look for something real, not just something shiny.


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## Created2Write

Faithful Wife said:


> lonestar79...I hope you will take this as constructive. But if you aren't getting messages back from 99% of the girls you hit up first, it means you are shopping outside of your league. We don't need to see your pic to tell you this, because these girls are seeing your pic (and your other details) and by them not responding, you have your answer.
> 
> You are going to need to really "see" your own self the way women see you also, or else you will keep trying to put your fishing pole in the wrong pond.


This is what I was trying to say as well.


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## Created2Write

I'm in my mid twenties. If you PM me your nick name, I'll check out your profile and PM you my reaction. I'll make my judgments off of whether or not _I_ would date someone like you based on what I see. Bear in mind this is only one persons opinion, and it really carries little to no weight as far as other women are concerned. 

I am saddened though that you've had women ask you on a date, but because of their age alone you're choosing to ignore them.


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## lonestar79

Created2Write said:


> I'm in my mid twenties. If you PM me your nick name, I'll check out your profile and PM you my reaction. I'll make my judgments off of whether or not _I_ would date someone like you based on what I see. Bear in mind this is only one persons opinion, and it really carries little to no weight as far as other women are concerned.
> 
> I am saddened though that you've had women ask you on a date, but because of their age alone you're choosing to ignore them.



Created2Write, you have a PM from me. Thank you for offering to check out my profile.


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## Ostera

barcafan said:


> Lonestar,
> 
> You do not sound like a confident guy at all, not with women at least. You keep talking about changing yourself and that's really not how the game goes. Pick what you want, believe that you deserve it and can get it, then go get it. It works exactly like that. I know this because I used to think exactly like you! You do not need a million hobbies to find the woman you want. If you want to start a new hobby, find something manly to do. Read the 16 commandments of poon and live by it.
> 
> Also, clubs and bars aren't exactly the place to find women who are wife material.
> 
> I know people will say that if you throw your money around a little and impress women with shiny things then you will only attract gold diggers but consider this. You want a girl in her twenties who possesses physical beauty. Put yourself in her position. Would you want to be with a guy who makes 60k a year and drives around in a Honda accord (nothing wrong with a honda) or the guy that rides around in a S500 and makes 500k a year assuming all others equal? I know I'm not settling for a Honda when I'm the equivalent of a Ferrari.
> Most women love material things and most men love beautiful women. If you want a beautiful woman then you gotta bring something to the table besides your wonderfully amazing personality. Despite what most people say, it's not what's inside that counts, its both inside and outside. There is nothing wrong with that, learn to accept it.
> 
> I haven't read the entire thread so my apologies if my post is redundant.



My impression is what YOU bring to the table is looks only. Not much to offer there when those go south.. unless, your man is paying for the surgeon.

BTW, Sam Walton drove around in an old 1970ish Ford pickup for years and wore overalls... being a billionaire and such... 

But I guess you missed him when he drove by your Ferrari...


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## Created2Write

Like I said in my PM:

You're definitely attractive and have a wonderful smile. 

Your profile is pretty vague. Add more info about your time in other countries, about your interests, your goals and ambitions, add more about what you want in a long term partner. The info you gave was very basic. 

As a 24 year old, if I were single, I wouldn't be looking for a man your age. If I stumbled across your profile, I would be impressed with your amount of life experience and success, but I would be intimidated to go out with you. As a thirty year old woman, however, you would be exactly what I was looking for. So, there's my honest answer.


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## lonestar79

Created2Write, thank you for taking the time to look over my profile and your feedback. Very much appreciated.


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## See_Listen_Love

Also check out the Big Bang Theory and take notes on how your colleagues are doing.

Or see a psychiater.

Or if you have so much money get the best life coach money can buy. Tony Robbins or something


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## bellawhite

Lonestar, be yourself, don't change the "real" you, and the "right" girl will come along! Don't worry so much, you still have plenty of time to find the love of your life! Remember, be real, be you! When the right one comes, you'll just click! By the way, i'm 25 and i think the best thing in a guy, is a guy who can be himself! Otherwise, once you are married some real problems will start coming along once the real you comes out!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## elizabethdennis

If you'll use your wealth or Porsche to attract a woman, then you could attract the wrong kind of woman. If you want to stay away from gold diggers, do not show off your wealth.


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## LouAnn Poovy

elizabethdennis said:


> If you'll use your wealth or Porsche to attract a woman, then you could attract the wrong kind of woman. If you want to stay away from gold diggers, do not show off your wealth.


But, how else do you get a trophy wife! :rofl:


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## lonestar79

See_Listen_Love said:


> Also check out the Big Bang Theory and take notes on how your colleagues are doing.
> 
> Or see a psychiater.
> 
> Or if you have so much money get the best life coach money can buy. Tony Robbins or something


Characters in Big Bang Theory are depressing to me. Not that the show is not funny, but because I have spent considerable time around real life versions of scientists like that (as I have been a scientist myself). Scientists don't get laid buddy. Scientists built the world we live in but chicks dig the bad boy. Watch the show Californication.


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