# long distance...she's been living with him...



## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

Sorry in advance...this is my first post. Lurker...

I never thought I would be on the receiving end of this.

First and foremost, we are not married. We were in a 4 year relationship. When I found out everything I ended it (this week). It has been 1 year 1/2 since I left and about 8 months since I left the states. This whole time she has told me she has been living at a friend's family house.

This is what happened... Before joining we spent close to everyday together...and we did almost everything together. We both had high sexual drives. I came home to visit for major holidays, and she would visit me when she could. 

At first I thought she had stopped finding me as attractive because she didn't like to have sex as much as we use to(she wouldn't be as wet right before we would do it) and it was mostly me initiating...She told me about her boss that she thought was a "creeper" and he had always had a crush on her. When she came to visit me when I was in the states I would play around taking her phone and she would chase me to get it back. I didn't think much of it...but I was a little concerned that she was trying to hide something...Finally one day I did this and asked her what she had to hide and I saw that she was texting him close to everyday and that she had called him 'babe' in a conversation.

I confronted her and she said it was a silly thing they did and he called her babe and she just played a long. Finally, I leave the states and I asked her if she wanted to end it because I didn't think long distance would work. She insisted we stay together. I told her we could have an open relationship or a 'break', she declined this with the worry that we/I would see other people and we would never get back together.

I start seeing pictures on social media (fb, instagram) of her hanging around this guy in our group of friends. I start to become concerned. She says he's just a really good friend...I see that some pictures on instagram are geotagged at his house (researched where he lived). I ask her if she ever goes to his house and she tells me that sometimes she babysits for him, and I ask hey why...she says it's extra money. 


She comes to visit me where I am overseas for a week. At this point I think we have a good thing going. I played the game where I snatch her phone and walk around with it. She is very desperate to get the phone back. So on a different day I do the same thing and I go into the bathroom with it for 5 seconds I see that she has a lot of messages from him and that she has facetimed him while she has been here. When she left I took a guess at her facebook password and was able to log in to it... She has fb messages from this guy wondering why she has left, he says maybe she is not the person he thought she was. She is telling him very elaborate lies in this message about why she left, and that I am her ex and thought she only saw me one day when I invited her to go somewhere. I didn't know how to confront this. I see she is still messaging him while shes on the plane... I sent her screenshots his messages. She tells me she's so sorry and that nothing has happened and that she has lead him on. 

I tell her to stay away from him and she agrees

Finally, I think that maybe I am suffering from dementia and that I may be really paranoid so I drop it... until I see that she is hanging around him again in pictures. She tells me that he just happened to be there, and another time I found out he is at the same party as her. She tells me the party is at a friends house. He posts a picture of her and him at the gym. She says he was just there at the same time she was. 

I start confronting her on what's really going on. She tells me lies that nothing is. I look up her phone's location and see that she is at his house! I asks her why she was over there and she tells me that she just went there to hang out for a bit. The next day she is at his house right after she gets off her over night shift. She is there for a long time sleeping. I asks her why she was there? She tells me that sometimes she hangs out with him and watches shows, and she fell a sleep. 

Finally, I can not take this anymore. I start messaging a guy friend of mine I know hangs out with the group. He tells me she's been lying to me the whole time and that she's been living with the guy. I confront her and she denies this. I analyze the photo of the party that she was at and I see pictures of the guys kids and him in the background. I confront her and keep asking her until she finally confesses...she tells me she's only living there because she had no other option..I asked her why she never told me about this or put me in the decision process...

I still think she's lying. So I message the guy and tell him I just want answers. He tells me that she tells him that she loves him, that they have sex, and that she's been living there for the last 10 months...

She confesses to everything but says she only wants to be with me.


I am no saint...I have had sex with two ladies while i've been here...but none of them have been emotional relationships and they've meant nothing. I felt really guilty after the first and stopped being social with people. I have told her this.

I was putting a hold on marriage because I didn't think we were ready...but she has lied to me about everything. I feel like I don't know her...but I also feel like this is my fault...I never thought I had to worry about her and I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. I should have gave her more attention...I go back through my texts to when I leave and see that she maybe a pretty considerable plea around the time she first started having sex with him. I offered her to come live with me in the past...but she's not willing to drop everything. She's scared.

When she came and visited me we had sex...and she went back to living with him after that...she says they didn't talk for two weeks...she told me the last time they had sex was last month...She also says that she only started living with him since the summer...

So right now the dust is settling. I still want to be with her...but I want her to come over here...Am I crazy? What is wrong with me? I had doubts in my head that I still wanted to see what else was out there...but now I just think that I was so stupid and I was taking her for granted. She hasn't been at his house since I found out...she's staying at her family's an hour and a half away this weekend because one of them is really sick about to die...I am really close to her family...I told her to tell her dad what happened. So he can help her move everything out. I don't think she can do this by herself.

She says that it can't be right away because of the person she is there for... She also says she is very mad at me and she isn't moving out to live back with her family because of me.

I'm sorry for the horribly long post...


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Your not married. Your never going to have a healthy relationship with this woman. Someone who deceives you like this will never be faithful to you. I would walk away while you can. Its really not worth the heart ache you are going to go through. 


I know this is not what you want to hear but I am sure you have told yourself the same exact things. 


There are so many better women out there that wont play games like this. 

Clay


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Buddy, move along. Marriage does NOT fix things. It legally binds you to someone. It is not a cure. She is broken. Move on and don't look back!


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

"he just happened to be at the party.. here, look at the photos, i'm not lying""
"he just stopped by at the gym and I needed to take photos of it.. to prove it. here, believe me."
"he was just there, i didn't know that"
"it was just because"

This woman's life must be built on coincidences.


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## truth hurts truth frees (Nov 14, 2013)

You must be asking yourself the same question over and over again "why did she do it?" . Instead ask yourself one question "why do you want her?".


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You are both cheats. And this is a problem because????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Me Me Me, Pick me, I can answer your questions!

1. Yes

2. You Looooovve this girl way too much.

3. Be very happy that you are not married to her, she is just a girlfriend and a great actress! 

4. Learn to say "NEXT!"

JM2C David


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

LDR have a high failure rate for a reason. BTDT (and it was just 30 miles distance during the week). Just be glad she was just a GF.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

truth hurts said:


> You must be asking yourself the same question over and over again "why did she do it?" . Instead ask yourself one question "why do you want her?".


Thanks for replying.

I have been asking myself why has she done this...HOW could she do this...What we had was very special...

All the lies she told...she told because she was afraid to lose me...I really don't know how her head got so twisted that she thought that was ok. I don't know why or how you can be with 2 people.

I guess I want her because I want what we had. After this bombshell was placed on my shoulders I realized that I may have taken our relationship for granted and I can't picture life without her. I didn't give her much attention...that was my fault... Everything was perfect before the long distance. I couldn't have asked her to be a better lover or companion. I still love her :\...She tells me that I'm the person she always pictured herself being with in the long run...

The biggest question is why can't I just drop it and move on? Why do I love her still? 

I want to fix us and I want to work on this together. It will take a lot of time, but if she is willing to drop everything for me and physically be with me to try to work on it then I have to extend the courtesy.

How do I make this work...

ALSO: I know that we are not married. You don't have to be married to someone to have the same obligations or promises to each other. She is just a gf...and I personally have been putting marriage off because of how people treat it these days. Marriage has lost it's value.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> You are both cheats. And this is a problem because????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I tried to look at your rationale and provide a justified answer.

The problem is that she didn't have an OH **** moment of what she was doing was completely wrong. She made our friends believe we were in an open relationship, and she moved in with the person.

I'm sorry if you don't see my viewpoint here...

On another note: everyone telling me to just end it...would you really just let that person go cold turkey like that if you really love them? ...I haven't had anyone under my skin as far as love like that since my first love. Do you think the guy in the movie The Notebook should have never chased his love?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Yes you are crazy.

If you best male friend had this happen to him what would you say to him? If you marry her that you would be the absolute biggest fool on the planet. In addition maybe it would be a good idea to get tested for STD's. Why don't you tell the OM what she has been doing also.

She has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

throwaway001 said:


> Do you think the guy in the movie The Notebook should have never chased his love?


That movie is a made up story. You know that, right? Anything can happen in the movies. "True Love" like yours usually works out in the movies. I don't know the movie you're mentioning, but I know romance movies and I can just about guarantee that in the movie the girl wasn't lying to the guy about living with another guy for 10 months.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

throwaway001 said:


> On another note: everyone telling me to just end it...would you really just let that person go cold turkey like that if you really love them? ...I haven't had anyone under my skin as far as love like that since my first love.


It is good if you can learn from the mistakes of others. Many who post here already have made the mistake you want to make now. I guess experience is the best teacher. Go ahead and take your own lumps.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

"All the lies she told...she told because she was afraid to lose me..."

How about not cheating and as a result not having to lie about it in the first place? She wasn't afraid to lose you, I'll be blunt, sorry in advance but you're not that "special" and "unique" for her as you think you are. In fact, from the way it seems, the man she chose to live with is more so than you.

And the guy in The Notebook? Sir, life is not a Hollywood movie. Wake up and smell the coffee.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

throwaway001 said:


> She tells me that I'm the person she always pictured herself being with in the long run...


If this is true, then why does she balk at going to live with you?

Does she not love you enough to move to the country where you are? What could be so scary to her about that? After all, if it didn't work out, she could always move back.

From out here in cyberspace, it looks like you're way more into her than she is into you. Way, way more. For a long time now.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I'm sorry you're in this situation.

Look at the posts here and realize this: Cheaters are liars. Your girlfriend is a liar. She has lied A LOT.

This is a basic rule to follow when dealing with liars: Pay attention only to their ACTIONS. Their actions don't lie.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Yeah she wants you for the long haul...the long term. 

But first she wants this other guy to bang the hell out of her. 

I've never seen a guy who wants to be a cuckold as bad as you. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

so let me get this straight you are mad at her for living with a guy lying to you and screwing him and thats wrong but you have slept with 2 other women but thats ok because it was just sex??? 

yeah you are quite the catch hope she doesnt let you go you gem you.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> If this is true, then why does she balk at going to live with you?
> 
> Does she not love you enough to move to the country where you are? What could be so scary to her about that? After all, if it didn't work out, she could always move back.
> 
> From out here in cyberspace, it looks like you're way more into her than she is into you. Way, way more. For a long time now.


We both have school debt, she can't work where I am at and that concerns her.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

throwaway001 said:


> We both have school debt, she can't work where I am at and that concerns her.


I can't tell if this is just an excuse or a legitimate reason. If I were her and you cheated twice on me, I probably would be hesitant to pack up and move also.

You don't seem like you have much to lose by trying to make it work with her long distance. Apparently you are young, if you end up wasting another six months of your life and she turns out to be a serial cheater and pathological liar, you can easily recover, but certainly you don't want to waste your time with someone who continues to lie to you if you can help it.

If you do give her another chance, I don't have much advice for you other than to be aware and do not accept any nonsensical answers like "I just ran into him at the mall" or "he just was invited to the same party as me." Also, take every precaution not to get her pregnant.

Also, I would recommend not getting too obsessive about monitoring her whereabouts, do it every so often, but don't let it take over your life, and if she shows any signs of cheating then dump her. Don't bring up the fact that you are monitoring her, just do it, and if she violates your agreement - changes passwords, lies about where she is, sees other man and doesn't tell you about it - just dump her. Don't waste any more breath trying to reason with a liar.

She is so bad at cheating and covering her tracks that you will be able to detect it very easily going forward. She doesn't seem very bright when it comes to hiding it and I suspect that won't change.

You wanted to have a more relaxed relationship while you were separated and she said she didn't want to, then did it anyway (and so did you).

Why did she live with that guy for so long, anyway? It seems like she could have lived with her parents or with a friend, but she chose to live with him. Why?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> LDR have a high failure rate for a reason. BTDT (and it was just 30 miles distance during the week). Just be glad she was just a GF.


You got off easy you will realize this in time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

verpin zal said:


> "All the lies she told...she told because she was afraid to lose me..."
> 
> How about not cheating and as a result not having to lie about it in the first place? She wasn't afraid to lose you, I'll be blunt, sorry in advance but you're not that "special" and "unique" for her as you think you are. In fact, from the way it seems, the man she chose to live with is more so than you.
> 
> And the guy in The Notebook? Sir, life is not a Hollywood movie. Wake up and smell the coffee.


Thanks for your response.

She said that herself. If she wasn't afraid why didn't she just break it off with me, she declined a separate request of mine for a break during the summer; crying over the phone because she was afraid if we went on a break I would never come back to her...

I realize this whole situation is messed up, I get that. How can I make this work? I told her she needs to move all her stuff out pronto, and I asked her to tell her father, he will ensure everything is gone in a day...

I'm coming back for the holidays next week. Should I prepare for anything?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

throwaway001 said:


> I told her she needs to move all her stuff out pronto, and I asked her to tell her father, he will ensure everything is gone in a day...
> 
> I'm coming back for the holidays next week. Should I prepare for anything?


If she wants to make this work with you, you shouldn't need her father standing over her to make sure it gets done.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> I can't tell if this is just an excuse or a legitimate reason. If I were her and you cheated twice on me, I probably would be hesitant to pack up and move also.
> 
> You don't seem like you have much to lose by trying to make it work with her long distance. Apparently you are young, if you end up wasting another six months of your life and she turns out to be a serial cheater and pathological liar, you can easily recover, but certainly you don't want to waste your time with someone who continues to lie to you if you can help it.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your insight,

it actually made me a little anxious... she worked as a store clerk and paying bills, therefore cannot afford to pay rent for one person... She moved out of her last place because it became too crowded...she was living with a friend's family, before that her old room mate moved out of the apartment they shared. Living with her parents was an ultimate last choice scenario for her because they were 1hr 1/2 away from the city she worked in... and there were family staying during that time so it was crowded (because of the person with the illness)...


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> If she wants to make this work with you, you shouldn't need her father standing over her to make sure it gets done.


Well I know if she does it by herself it will be a bunch of mini moves and it won't be immediate. She doesn't have anywhere to move her stuff other than a mutual friend's house... Where as if he is involved everything will get out of there in less than a day.


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## NovellaBiers (Dec 11, 2013)

I don't think you can ever trust her as she pretty much played you both. How do you know you are the only ones she was/is playing with? She's the type of person that even when she only says "good day" she's probably lying. On the other you cheated her two times and I wouldn't trust you either.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

throwaway001 said:


> I tried to look at your rationale and provide a justified answer.
> 
> The problem is that she didn't have an OH **** moment of what she was doing was completely wrong. She made our friends believe we were in an open relationship, and she moved in with the person.
> 
> ...


You said you had relationships with two other women. 

Did she/does she know this?

You are both cheats.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Never ever marry this woman. Too many lies and excuses. Cheating is an inexcusable behavior, but living with OM and hiding that from you goes way beyond that.

Neither of you are close to being ready for marriage. That is why we date. Move on to the next prospect.

BTW. "I didn't tell you the truth because I didn't want to lose you." is one of the top three excuses that cheaters use to justify the lies.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Are you in the armed forces? Do you send her money? 

Why can't she find a job near her parents? (clerk positions are fairly easy to find). 

But all that said, both of you have a lot of growing up to do. So grow up before you get married or it'll be a very hard life for both of you.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> You said you had relationships with two other women.
> 
> Did she/does she know this?
> 
> You are both cheats.


Yes, I said it in the OP. I felt guilty and became unsocial for a few months...I started giving her a lot more attention.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> Are you in the armed forces? Do you send her money?
> 
> Why can't she find a job near her parents? (clerk positions are fairly easy to find).
> 
> But all that said, both of you have a lot of growing up to do. So grow up before you get married or it'll be a very hard life for both of you.


I don't send her money...but I'm willing to pay her bills while she is living with me if she cannot find work...
With my job, if I marry her she will be able to fly any where I am for free, and it will alleviate a lot of our problems. I'm not saying I am going to marry her any time soon. We will work our problems out together and if we come to a point where we can trust each other mutually and are very satisfied with each other then I might pop the question...

Edit -- she's also weary of living with me because she wants to be established first with a career. This is all very draining...

Her ultimate problem is she doesn't want to move back home. Shes very independent... However, she's said she's willing to move back home given what has happened...


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## NovellaBiers (Dec 11, 2013)

Which one of you cheated first?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

throwaway001 said:


> Yes, I said it in the OP. I felt guilty and became unsocial for a few months...I started giving her a lot more attention.


You aren't grasping what Matt is saying. Yes, she is a liar, but you both are cheaters. Doesn't matter if you showed her more attention, you cheated. I'd argue you lied to her before you came clean as well. So, you both are in the same boat to me.

If she came here first, you'd be the bad guy. You cheated two times and also wanted a break. I, for one, am not surprised you are in this predicament. If you are so high drive that you can't stay loyal, guilt or not, you shouldn't be in a monogamous relationship.

Nope, there is nothing wrong with friends with benefits.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

NovellaBiers said:


> Which one of you cheated first?


Her. She started her Emotional affair 5 months after I left. She started cheating 8 months after. 

I cheated on her at the 9 month....

Long distance was the ultimate villain although I know everyone will just say otherwise.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> You aren't grasping what Matt is saying. Yes, she is a liar, but you both are cheaters. Doesn't matter if you showed her more attention, you cheated. I'd argue you lied to her before you came clean as well. So, you both are in the same boat to me.
> 
> If she came here first, you'd be the bad guy. You cheated two times and also wanted a break. I, for one, am not surprised you are in this predicament. If you are so high drive that you can't stay loyal, guilt or not, you shouldn't be in a monogamous relationship.
> 
> Nope, there is nothing wrong with friends with benefits.


I know that...the part that really sinks it for me is that she is living with someone. None of it is relevant, I get what is being said...were cheaters, once a cheater always a cheater, we don't belong together. Maybe I should have been the one to break it off a long time ago. I was in the wrong mindset... I'm positive we would never be in this predicament if distance was removed.
I just want to make this work. I'm willing to give it a shot. She tells me she wants to be with me, and I think I still want to be with her.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

"Once a cheater always a cheater" is not a "one size fits all" designation. I never said you can't be together. I'm saying monogamy may not be your or her thing. Distance hurts quite a few serious relationships. 


Be wary, of course she wants to be with you, her bills are being paid.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

throwaway001 said:


> Yes, I said it in the OP. I felt guilty and became unsocial for a few months...I started giving her a lot more attention.


Did she know you cheated on her and twice, at that?

And when you say you became unsocial, what do you mean?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

throwaway001 said:


> Her ultimate problem is she doesn't want to move back home. Shes very independent... However, she's said she's willing to move back home given what has happened...


 The girl and I use the word girl need to do a lot of growing up to do.

She's very independent? For that to happen you have to be able to support yourself and she can't make ends meet without having to live with someone else. So that's out the window.

IMO, the last thing you want to do is marry her. You can't trust her and if she knows about your cheating, she'll feel the same way. End this thing. Move on and find another girl and live your life without the constant worry about what she's doing, where she's at and with who. No way to live friend, no way to live


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

6301 said:


> The girl and I use the word girl need to do a lot of growing up to do.
> 
> She's very independent? For that to happen you have to be able to support yourself and she can't make ends meet without having to live with someone else. So that's out the window.
> 
> IMO, the last thing you want to do is marry her. You can't trust her and if she knows about your cheating, she'll feel the same way. End this thing. Move on and find another girl and live your life without the constant worry about what she's doing, where she's at and with who. No way to live friend, no way to live


:iagree:

Some good points. And do not cheat on anyone else in the future, OK?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You both are wrong for each other.

Reset.

You find a different woman. She's to continue her relationship with her lover.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Throwaway

Do not make any decisions until you go home and look her in the eye.

She has had a long affair. You cheated too.

You both have to be honest with each other and decide what you both truly want.

On another note:



> Marriage has lost it's value.


Marriage only loses its value to those that don't value it!

HM


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Two things:
1. Dump her. She is a liar.
2. Please do away with the idea that you can f$ck other women but it doesn't count if there are no emotions. You're a cheat too and it will not serve you well in future relationships. No decent, self respecting woman will me ok with that. I'm assuming that you would be ok with her f$cking other men as long as there is no emotional attachment?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Do not bring children into this mess.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Ahhh. Another emancipated male.

Don't feel bad. There are lots of us out there.

Bud, life isn't like the movies. The notebook....you know who wrote that stuff up? Some brilliant people that know how girls gush over that stuff, and force thier boyfriends to go watch it with them, while the boyfriend is constantly looking at the movie poster called "let's blow some shat up, shoot guns, and punch people in the face movie" while he sighs in resignation and says "two tickets to the notebook, please"

You see, you think you know what chicks want. They want that "nice guy" that swoons ll over them and fights for thier love, no matter what...against all odds.

Meanwhile....she's banging the asshat creeper boss from her work that treats her like crap, but makes her sing opera in the sack.

No offence, bud. That's just what it is.

Look, you can be a nice guy, and get a great and wonderful girl. A loyal one. But you can never ever be a "nice" guy, putting your womn on a pedestal. That just leads to the trouble your experiencing.

Be firm with your boundaries. Know what you want and stand up for your beliefs. And stop being a "nice" guy. 

There are plenty of women out there that will be compatible for you, in and out of the sack. Your current one is broken.

It's really not that hard, once you look from the outside in. Your just stuck in the box right now and think "this is it!"

Lots of wonderful women outside that box if you could only see them.


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## throwaway001 (Dec 14, 2013)

Thanks everyone for your wisdom...

We agreed she would cut him of her life, that she would stay with her parents the whole weekend. We agreed she would leave the location feature on, on her phone, and that she wouldn't bring up as a date to a wedding.

Well the wedding was lastnight, and it looks like he was her date. She turned off the location feature on her phone as well. I told her you really dont want to be with me do you, and still said she did.

Finally, I told her I knew he was her date to the wedding, and she hasn't responded.

Should I still talk to her in person when im home for the holidays? Should I give her that? 

I'm prepared to no longer talk to her ever.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

So be a man and end it. Jeez.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

throwaway001 said:


> Thanks everyone for your wisdom...
> 
> We agreed she would cut him of her life, that she would stay with her parents the whole weekend. We agreed she would leave the location feature on, on her phone, and that she wouldn't bring up as a date to a wedding.
> 
> ...


Why are you still communicating with her? You're not even married. This is an easy situation to walk away from. Better now than 2 kids later.

Perhaps you like drama and excitement? If so, carry on.

And you should tell her now about your 2 encounters. Dont be a hypocrite.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Throwaway

Her actions speak clearly.

She chooses the OM.

I had a GF of a few years. We planned a trip to Ireland. She took me for my passport, clothes and we planned our itinerary.

I called her the night before and her Mom told me she left that morning for Ireland with her GF.

She lied to me. I was devastated.

My Dad took my ticket and converted it into a trip to Club Med. His action showed me I had choices.

My GF got home and found out from my parents that I was in Club Med. She was surprised.

When I got home she said it was a misunderstanding and she did not know how to tell me the truth.

You would think I learned my lesson but no.

So I go away to the military. Gone for 9 months. She visited me a few times. We missed each other terribly.

I get injured and was sent home early. She had no idea and I thought it would be great to surprise her.

I stopped by her home and imagine my surprise when I saw her with one of my closest friends. I was devastated. I left.

The next day I go back to speak with her. She is out back with two of my other friends. She was making out with both. They all go inside.

I was pissed.

Within the week I found out she was banging 5 of my closest friends including my best friend.

I took care of business with all of them. My GF/fiancée still wanted to be with me. To get married.

Can you imagine what a crappy life I would have had if I chose to be with her.

I never spoke to any of them again.

I suggest you make the tough decision and never speak to her again.

Because she has no respect for you. And you can do much better.

HM


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

What part of "she STILL lies to you CONSTANTLY" do you not get? :scratchhead:


She's USING you and playing you for a SAP! Wise up and MOVE ON!


[I'm a 57-yo woman, if you were my son and I'd ask you what the hell's wrong with you? I'd also remind you that there are plenty of GOOD women out there...they all have the same equipment so there's nothing *that* special about her...they don't make it *that special*!  ]


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

throwaway001 said:


> Thanks everyone for your wisdom...
> 
> We agreed she would cut him of her life, that she would stay with her parents the whole weekend. We agreed she would leave the location feature on, on her phone, and that she wouldn't bring up as a date to a wedding.
> 
> ...


Remember a few posts back you were given the advice "Actions, not words will show you the truth."

Well, she agreed to keep the locator on her phone then turned it off. She agreed not to take OM as a date to the wedding, then she did anyway. She gave you some lame excuse for not living with you and has been living with him for - how long?

Actions=She is a cheater and a liar and will not change.

You do not owe her anything. No more talk - ever. Move on.

BTW - she has zero intention to move out of his house.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

throwaway001 said:


> Thanks everyone for your wisdom...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Your problem is your acting like a woman. Take your panties off and put your big boy pants on. Quit trying to reason with her and nice her back to you. Cut her out and move on. 

She ****ed up. Don't let her back or give her a chance. Then go fix yourself and ask why you would let a person continually disrespect you and why you would disrespect her.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Throwaway001, your wishing to be with this woman is analogous to needing a root canal and reconstruction and choosing to go with the toothache, instead.
Nothing there to salvage.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

happyman64 said:


> I took care of business with all of them. My GF/fiancée still wanted to be with me. To get married.



And this could explain why you're a happy man.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Just a word of advice, Walk! end of transmission.


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## NovellaBiers (Dec 11, 2013)

happyman64 said:


> Throwaway
> 
> Her actions speak clearly.
> 
> ...


I think all this tells more about your "friends" than about the woman. I don't think they were friends...


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## 10th Engineer Harrison (Dec 11, 2013)

throwaway001 said:


> Thanks everyone for your wisdom...
> 
> We agreed she would cut him of her life, that she would stay with her parents the whole weekend. We agreed she would leave the location feature on, on her phone, and that she wouldn't bring up as a date to a wedding.
> 
> ...


no.



> I'm prepared to no longer talk to her ever.


Start now.

-ol' 2long


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I'm not quite sure what your GF would have to do for you to dump her. How many times does she have to show you who she is before you believe it?

It seems you're using your own cheating to rationalize your way around this. For some women that might make sense, but not for this woman. She's a pathological liar and a cheat. She doesn't fear losing you; she just wants to be a cake eater. How on earth can you even believe anything that comes out of her mouth; much less that she won't cheat again.

The good new is, you didn't marry her. 

Good lawd man, come to your senses.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

throwaway001 said:


> Sorry in advance...this is my first post. Lurker...
> 
> I never thought I would be on the receiving end of this.
> 
> ...


For most of the cheaters they won't be able to get past it unless there are consequences.

Don't feel like you are going to die, get past it. You where betrayed, it happens, and there is a way to recover.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

NovellaBiers said:


> I think all this tells more about your "friends" than about the woman. I don't think they were friends...


None of them were friends. Including her. Friends do not do that too friends.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

U.E. McGill said:


> *Your problem is your acting like a woman.*


Uh, excuse *you*! No he's not, he's acting like a eunuch (no balls)...that would be one of YOUR GENDER!

Please don't say stuff like "acting like a woman", or "cry like a little girl"; plenty of women have good common sense and plenty of little boys cry (and whine, and pout, and have tantrums).

Thank you.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

I have read and laughed at the other post. SlowlyGW, you are great!

OK, how about this. How is your current plan working out? The talking, the asking, the thinking? How is it going? MAYBE you need a new plan! Maybe the way you are doing it is not working and you need a new plan!

I have one for you! Walk away for a year! Next Christmas you can send her a card with some choice thoughts on it! For now, I want you to "Step away from the "Crazy Woman" and enjoy what life has to offer for the next 365 days. 

JM2C David


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## NovellaBiers (Dec 11, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Uh, excuse *you*! No he's not, he's acting like a eunuch (no balls)...that would be one of YOUR GENDER!
> 
> Please don't say stuff like "acting like a woman", or "cry like a little girl"; plenty of women have good common sense and plenty of little boys cry (and whine, and pout, and have tantrums).
> 
> Thank you.


I think you are talking about the same thing basically. Women=less testosterone, no balls=less testosterone.


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