# He no longer enjoys me on top?



## Mrswife (Jun 2, 2021)

We're a heterosexual couple that has been married 4 years, in a relationship for 9, and have always had a good sex life. When we were first dating, we used to have sex with me on top often. I really enjoyed this position as it is the only way that I can climax through sex but it also made me feel really confident in myself. I know that this position isn't always the most physically enjoyable for men, but my husband always appeared to enjoy it, requesting the position often and climaxing regularly. However, on a few occasions last year my husband lost his erection during this position so we stopped using it for a while. At the time we both got quite upset with the situation, although we talked about it. We have continued to have an active sex life (on average about 3 times a week) and my husband is generally attentive during foreplay, so I have been climaxing. But I miss being on top and the intimacy of climaxing during sex. I explained this to my husband a few weeks ago in what I thought was a sensitive way (outside of sex) and he agreed that he missed the position. He stated he had previously lost his erection over concerns that he would get injured and during sex he would focus on this instead of the sex. He has never injured himself in this way with me and never previously had issues with the position. We have recently tried to bring the position back, but each time now results in a loss of erection. We have tried different angles and switching to this position at different points, all with the same outcome. Initially, I down played this and switched to another position for him to climax. But the more this happens, the more upset I am getting. I am not as confident in my appearance as I once was, and him experiencing this only when I am most sexually vulnerable is having a negative image on my self worth. Whilst he states he has concerns about injuries, I feel like the issue is more likely to be that he isn't enjoying the physical sensation, so I am starting to resent sex, as I can climax within minutes when on top but am no longer able to climax at all, whilst he continues to orgasm. I have tried to spice things up, buying sexy lingerie and talking dirty (things I know he enjoys) but feel that I am the only one making the effort and I am slowly losing interest in sex as it just feels one sided. Does anyone have an ideas at all on where we go from here?


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

You sound like you're doing all the right things. Don't think anything negative about your actions.

In problem solving mode - why would he suddenly think he might get injured?

Has he recently had physical issues or injuries that are new, he's still not confident that he's healed?

Or might it be something he's not yet told you?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Have you gained a significant amount of weight?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mrswife said:


> We're a heterosexual couple that has been married 4 years, in a relationship for 9, and have always had a good sex life. When we were first dating, we used to have sex with me on top often. I really enjoyed this position as it is the only way that I can climax through sex but it also made me feel really confident in myself. I know that this position isn't always the most physically enjoyable for men, but my husband always appeared to enjoy it, requesting the position often and climaxing regularly. However, on a few occasions last year my husband lost his erection during this position so we stopped using it for a while. At the time we both got quite upset with the situation, although we talked about it. We have continued to have an active sex life (on average about 3 times a week) and my husband is generally attentive during foreplay, so I have been climaxing. But I miss being on top and the intimacy of climaxing during sex. I explained this to my husband a few weeks ago in what I thought was a sensitive way (outside of sex) and he agreed that he missed the position. He stated he had previously lost his erection over concerns that he would get injured and during sex he would focus on this instead of the sex. He has never injured himself in this way with me and never previously had issues with the position. We have recently tried to bring the position back, but each time now results in a loss of erection. We have tried different angles and switching to this position at different points, all with the same outcome. Initially, I down played this and switched to another position for him to climax. But the more this happens, the more upset I am getting. I am not as confident in my appearance as I once was, and him experiencing this only when I am most sexually vulnerable is having a negative image on my self worth. Whilst he states he has concerns about injuries, I feel like the issue is more likely to be that he isn't enjoying the physical sensation, so I am starting to resent sex, as I can climax within minutes when on top but am no longer able to climax at all, whilst he continues to orgasm. I have tried to spice things up, buying sexy lingerie and talking dirty (things I know he enjoys) but feel that I am the only one making the effort and I am slowly losing interest in sex as it just feels one sided. Does anyone have an ideas at all on where we go from here?


Sex is very mental and if he has it in his head that he will lose his erection in that position it may be difficult to get over it. I wouldn't jump straight to concerns about your body, and trying to spice it up may not help him get out of his own head. I know there have been times over the years of my marriage that the thoughts racing around in my head were my worst enemy, sexually. The fact that you are having sex 3 times a week is a pretty good sign he is attracted to you. The situation with my wife is the reverse. I like when she is on top, but she has drifted away from enjoying it and we don't do much at all anymore. Every once in a while I'll mention it and we may even give it a go for a while, but that's it. We regularly have sex, just not in that position. If she isn't comfortable with it for whatever reason I don't really want to push it. The pleasure is supposed to be a two way street, and yes you do have to compromise sometimes, but in the end I want my partner to enjoy what we are doing so she wants to do more of it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Get a bullet vibrator. Use it during PIV with him and you will probably be able to have one in any position you want. Can use hands as well but IMO bullet vibrator is much easier.

FWIW I love my wife on top. She can even get the bullet working that way if she wants and with that going last time she surprised me. She was like “Tell me when you’re going to blow.” For whatever reason I was a champ that day so it took a bit, I told her and then boom like 15 seconds and she has one no problem. That level of control is amazing.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

You might want to consult with a sex therapist -- immediately.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Sfort said:


> You might want to consult with a sex therapist -- immediately.


Are you serious?


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Mrswife said:


> We're a heterosexual couple that has been married 4 years, in a relationship for 9, and have always had a good sex life. When we were first dating, we used to have sex with me on top often. I really enjoyed this position as it is the only way that I can climax through sex but it also made me feel really confident in myself. I know that this position isn't always the most physically enjoyable for men, but my husband always appeared to enjoy it, requesting the position often and climaxing regularly. However, on a few occasions last year my husband lost his erection during this position so we stopped using it for a while. At the time we both got quite upset with the situation, although we talked about it. We have continued to have an active sex life (on average about 3 times a week) and my husband is generally attentive during foreplay, so I have been climaxing. But I miss being on top and the intimacy of climaxing during sex. I explained this to my husband a few weeks ago in what I thought was a sensitive way (outside of sex) and he agreed that he missed the position. He stated he had previously lost his erection over concerns that he would get injured and during sex he would focus on this instead of the sex. He has never injured himself in this way with me and never previously had issues with the position. We have recently tried to bring the position back, but each time now results in a loss of erection. We have tried different angles and switching to this position at different points, all with the same outcome. Initially, I down played this and switched to another position for him to climax. But the more this happens, the more upset I am getting. I am not as confident in my appearance as I once was, and him experiencing this only when I am most sexually vulnerable is having a negative image on my self worth. Whilst he states he has concerns about injuries, I feel like the issue is more likely to be that he isn't enjoying the physical sensation, so I am starting to resent sex, as I can climax within minutes when on top but am no longer able to climax at all, whilst he continues to orgasm. I have tried to spice things up, buying sexy lingerie and talking dirty (things I know he enjoys) but feel that I am the only one making the effort and I am slowly losing interest in sex as it just feels one sided. Does anyone have an ideas at all on where we go from here?


I’d suggest looking up some new positions that still give you similar stimulation and/or purchase a vibrator. This is such an easy fix! Trying reversing with one of your legs under his and you will have similar “stimulation” from his leg AND still feel super hot.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Torninhalf said:


> Are you serious?


Well, I thought I was. I'm aware of a situation that was helped immediately for a couple in a similar situation by doing so, but if you and @Young at Heart heart think otherwise, you've voiced your disagreement. She's getting ready to turn off to sex.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Sfort said:


> Well, I thought I was. I'm aware of a situation that was helped immediately for a couple in a similar situation by doing so, but if you and @Young at Heart heart think otherwise, you've voiced your disagreement. She's getting ready to turn off to sex.


I think there are other things she can do than drag him to a sex therapist. 🤷🏼‍♀️


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Torninhalf said:


> I think there are other things she can do than drag him to a sex therapist. 🤷🏼‍♀️


Maybe there are. It will be interesting to watch the suggestions here and see if they help. I hope they do. If they don't, then she can see one. (I'm not sure he needs to go.) At least the one I know really understands these things and counsels quite a few people with similar issues. I guess your experience is different.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

The fear of being injured is likely an excuse. It might be that he lost an erection and simply associates that loss with this position and now it's a self-fulfilling prophesy.
A couple things you might try.

While he's erect, sit on top of him and grind on his erection for a bit.
Sit on his thighs while giving him a hand/blow job
Do these things anticipating being on top, then move to some other position. The idea here is to work your way back into that and you might have some success teasing him a few times. My wife likes being on top for the control and it's a good position for her to "get off."

Try working your way toward it rather than trying to take that one shot to achieve it.


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

I can help, as I went through the exact same situation many years ago. She almost broke my unit by bucking too aggressively as she reached climax. I felt a painful bending and remembered hearing the stories of the loud snap and excruciating pain that accompany a penile fracture. This resulted in an instant buzzkill and ED whenever she was on top, all totally psychological. We could start fine, but as soon as she started rotating her pelvis to the point where the bending began, ED would happen. Not to get too graphic, but try reverse cowgirl, where he can limit your pelvic rotation by firmly grasping your cheeks (& he can massage them, too). Also, you need to establish iron-clad feedback & response - if he says "relax", begin limiting your rotation immediately (even if you are close to the edge). I actually got really angry once because I got the feeling she was on a mission to climax, even if it meant breaking my unit to get there.

More TMI, but useful:
We've recently discovered a variation on standing doggie, with her leaning over the side of the bed and me standing at the edge of the bed - it's awesome. Can then scoot further onto the bed to vary it. We both get huge enjoyment out of that one.

Also -
Sildenafil (with 2 healthy snorts of Afrin immediately after taking the pill) is a wonder drug, and it staves off any ED & makes everything more enjoyable.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Jeffsmith35 said:


> Sildenafil (with 2 healthy snorts of Afrin immediately after taking the pill) is a wonder drug, and it staves off any ED & makes everything more enjoyable.


What does Afrin have to do with it?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Mrswife said:


> ....been married 4 years, in a relationship for 9, and have always had a good sex life.
> 
> .....we used to have sex with me on top often. I really enjoyed this position as *it is the only way that I can climax through sex but it also made me feel really confident in myself*. I know that this position isn't always the most physically enjoyable for men, but my husband always appeared to enjoy it, requesting the position often and climaxing regularly. However, *on a few occasions last year my husband lost his erection during this position so we stopped using it for a while*.
> 
> ......he agreed that he missed the position. *He stated he had previously lost his erection over concerns that he would get injured and during sex he would focus on this instead of the sex. He has never injured himself in this way with me and never previously had issues with the position. We have recently tried to bring the position back, but each time now results in a loss of erection.* We have tried different angles and switching to this position at different points, all with the same outcome. Initially, I down played this and switched to another position for him to climax. *But the more this happens, the more upset I am getting. I am not as confident in my appearance as I once was, and him experiencing this only when I am most sexually vulnerable is having a negative image on my self worth. Whilst he states he has concerns about injuries, I feel like the issue is more likely to be that he isn't enjoying the physical sensation, so I am starting to resent sex, as I can climax within minutes when on top but am no longer able to climax at all, whilst he continues to orgasm. *I have tried to spice things up, buying sexy lingerie and talking dirty (things I know he enjoys) but feel that I am the only one making the effort and I am slowly losing interest in sex as it just feels one sided. Does anyone have an ideas at all on where we go from here?


Wow, from what you say, this is really your problem. At least the resentment you are displaying in your posts (see high lighted portions). This is about you feeling less confident and blaming your H because you feel you are no longer able to climax in a way that you want.

Your husband has told you he has a fear of being sexually injured during a woman on top position. Depending on how vigorous you move when on top, his fear may be either real or unreasonable. 9 stories of penis fractures His fear is such that it is causing him to loose erections. Your H's problem is that his fears are interfering with his ability to maintain and erection and have sex with you. He needs to work on his ED problem, which is likely mental and not medical. That is his problem, but he will need your help on resolving his problem. 

Have you ever asked your H where his fear came from? Was it a story he read? Did something like that happen to a friend of coworker of his? Did you hurt and scare him one time you were on top and that caused him to be concerned? What is the source of his fear? What has he researched on the topic? The two of you have a lot to talk about.

Put yourself in your husband's shoes for a moment. Give him some empathy. He has a fear. He expressed that to you. Have you educated yourself on ways of making love to him, while on top that minimize the chance of a penis fracture? Have you explained how when you make love to him, what you will do to make sure you don't damage him?

This sounds like you are only looking at this from your perspective. You both have issues that need to be resolved and it will require a lot of negotiations, trust and education to resolve them.

Good luck.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Oh man. 

That one in the fracture stories about the woman pushing back in doggie gave me some chills as the Mrs. was doing this quite hard to me maybe a week ago and at the time I was thinking “Ok this is kind of dangerous, what if something bad happens?” I mean really hard like she was just backing it up and going to town on it. Don’t think I’m going to get ED from it but ughhhhh.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Sfort said:


> Well, I thought I was. I'm aware of a situation that was helped immediately for a couple in a similar situation by doing so, but if you and @Young at Heart heart think otherwise, you've voiced your disagreement. She's getting ready to turn off to sex.


I think that Sex Therapists are very valid to help with sexual problems. Yes, her turning off sex because of this is a valid reason to go to an ST if she really does turn off. One literally saved my marriage. I recommend them often to people.

They may also have much bigger problems with trust and communication that could use a marriage counselor. I see this more as a problem of he has an ED problem that he needs to work on and she doesn't seem to view his concerns as valid and is dismissive of them. That seems more of a marriage counselor problem, although an ST providing some knowledge and readings could help them understand each other. Still a good marriage counselor could also do the research to provide some factual knowledge and readings for the two of them as well as being a referee to help pull out all the details that need to be discussed.

I apologize if my "like" offended you. I have since removed it.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Young at Heart said:


> I apologize if my "like" offended you. I have since removed it.


No worries. It's a forum. 

FWIW, the sex therapist I'm referring to is also a marriage counselor. That's why I often erroneously think of the two specialties as being the same person.


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

Sfort said:


> What does Afrin have to do with it?


Afrin lets you breathe through your nose while on Sildenafil 😁 . I think it should be included with every bottle of pills, as it's an essential companion. In fact, I would bet that the reputation Sildenafil has for headaches as a side effect is likely due to extreme sinus swelling when men don't pair Afrin with it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

My wife has become more clever in how she requests things from me over the years. For example:

“Can you move something really heavy” elicits my (mental) response of “oh crap, what now?”

However, if she asks “are you strong enough to move this”- this has enough of a challenge to it that my response is “heck yeah I can, watch this!”.

That said, maybe you can figure out the right way to ask/encourage/challenge him?


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Mrswife said:


> Whilst he states he has concerns about injuries, I feel like the issue is more likely to be that he isn't enjoying the physical sensation


This could also be true. It may not be enough stimulation - especially if he has death grip syndrome. 

Don't just go along with him and let him do his thing while you're left hanging. That will definitely not end well. Let him know that this behavior is causing you to feel bad and making you less interested in sex. 

Look up best sex positions for female stimulation for ideas. Bonus if you find something new that you haven't already tried, and you get to add spice while also making your experience better.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

if you think he can talk to a sex therapist i think both of you would find something out about yourself and find a healthy sex life , it is looking like if not sex will become a place that you both go to less ans less and the snow ball will grow


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it is just a personal issue. the shape of his penis and your vagina simply does not stimulate him enough to orgasm with you on top. And with him on the bottom, there is very little he can do to change the position slightly for him to get more stimulation.

it really is that simple.

i suppose you can try some add on things. there are **** rings, little vibrating rings that can slide onto the base of his shaft, maybe some other things you could try. but changing position, if that gets him to climax, is a really good way to solve the situation.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Mrswife said:


> Does anyone have an ideas at all on where we go from here?


For whatever reason, your husband now has performance anxiety about you being on top. His notion of being worried about an injury could be a deflection/lie from the real reason he has anxiety. 

Generally speaking anxiety comes from a fear of rejection. If historically you have enjoyed being on top the most, perhaps this is a position that is all about you and your husband ignores his own pleasure in order to try and please you. This could have now escalated to where he now worries about losing his erection while you are on top and as a result it creates a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts. 

Or he could have had an affair or has been fantasizing about one. You being on top is a position to where you can easily see him and his expressions. Perhaps he now has visions of another woman in his mind and fears that you will discover that something is bothering him emotionally that prevents him from feeling close to you. 

Or perhaps there is something about you being on top that actually does cause him pain. In the event you use and IUD, it is possible for him to feel it during deep and grinding movements. If you are on top when this happens, he may have little or no control over the discomfort when it occurs since you might have all your weight bearing down on him. The sensation can feel like a sharp object pricking and grinding on an area of your skin that is very sensitive. 

At the end of the day you need him to explain "why" he is worried about an injury and see if it seems truthful or not.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

It really is more about him telling you what's his real reason. He may even believe he's stated it but he may not be verbalizing it in a clear way, or in a way you understand what he means.

Clear communication isn't always clear.

Now, the additional problem may be he's telling you in a way he intends to not be clear, telling you a blatant untruth, or telling you something to get you to quit asking and totally unrelated to the real reason. 

Only you can get the best read on those possible circumstances.

As was mentioned besides hitting an IUD or similar, which unless there has been a change up is not the case the problem is why won't he say. 

All this makes him seem to be acting like a child or dishonest, truthfully.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

@Mrswife I think the injury he's worried about needs to be clearly stated. I know what I'm assuming, which is the same thing everyone is likely assuming, but it hasn't been verified that it's not his back or something.

Some years ago, I had a girlfriend who was into some radical hip gyrations when she was on top; I love the position but she could make me pray she wouldn't lean back one more inch while in a state of ecstasy. 

The solution might be to ask what motion in particular on your part is making him tense, and talk about a solution casually and openly. I'm sure you have no interest in injuring him after all. Put the shoe on the other foot for a moment - you would not be feeling sexy with the expectation of painful piv. 

Then put aside your expectations of a maintained erection for a couple of sessions. Laugh it off, switch positions and put him at ease for a few rounds. Take the pressure off, it will make all the difference and may get things back to normal if you can sacrifice a few sessions.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

There just doesn't seem to be any negatives with woman on top part of the session. At least I've never encountered one beyond any clearly stated problem, as in hold on there the stitches are pulling or back problems. 

Even with back problems, it's a good thing, as the guy can easily lay flat.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Mrswife said:


> He stated he had previously lost his erection over *concerns that he would get injured* and during sex he would focus on this instead of the sex. He has never injured himself in this way with me and never previously had issues with the position. We have recently tried to bring the position back, but each time now results in a loss of erection.


I don't see this answered yet.

How would he get injured?

Are we talking his junk or are we talking something else?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CountryMike said:


> There just doesn't seem to be any negatives with woman on top part of the session.


The more I think about this issue in this thread, I think it is some form of performance anxiety. Once those issues get in your head, they can throw off even the best mojo even while in one's favorite position. 

The injury part makes no sense to me, unless he has a hernia or something of that nature that he feels that position puts at risk.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

snerg said:


> I don't see this answered yet.
> 
> How would he get injured?
> 
> Are we talking his junk or are we talking something else?


Depending on exactly what his wife is doing, we are talking about her damaging his penis.

As I posted earlier....... his fear may be either real or unreasonable. 9 stories of penis fractures

After you click on that link, let me share something that has actually happened to me with vigorous sex on the part of my wife........Penis frenum tears

You need to be careful out there folks. Sometimes there can be too much of a good thing.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Potentially injured while having your wife ride you???

Yeah, as a red-blooded male, these are risks I would be willing to take.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> it is just a personal issue. the shape of his penis and your vagina simply does not stimulate him enough to orgasm with you on top. And with him on the bottom, there is very little he can do to change the position slightly for him to get more stimulation.
> 
> it really is that simple.
> 
> i suppose you can try some add on things. there are **** rings, little vibrating rings that can slide onto the base of his shaft, maybe some other things you could try. but changing position, if that gets him to climax, is a really good way to solve the situation.


This response drives me crazy.

So because this ONE position doesn’t feel the greatest, he doesn’t want to do it at all? I get the fear of injury, but there’s plenty you can do that doesn’t involve bouncing around to the point where he is scared. As a matter of fact, that grinding move is perfectly safe. Women go through plenty positions that do not feel great but we know our husbands like it. 

This is one of the only positions women can do to stimulate themselves without having to manually do it. Men these days are so sexually selfish yet have the nerve to expect a porn star like performance for their 7 minute sex window.

OP - if your husband is so afraid of injury, then you need to explain he needs to participate enough to ensure you are stimulated as well. You are not a sex toy and deserve equal satisfaction.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

moulinyx said:


> This response drives me crazy.
> 
> So because this ONE position doesn’t feel the greatest, he doesn’t want to do it at all? I get the fear of injury, but there’s plenty you can do that doesn’t involve bouncing around to the point where he is scared. As a matter of fact, that grinding move is perfectly safe. Women go through plenty positions that do not feel great but we know our husbands like it.
> 
> ...


who said anything about injury.
i suggested that her on top does NOTHING to stimulate him, so he can never orgasm that way. So OBVIOUSLY he is going to try a different position!

if that's the ONLY way a particular woman can get off, then fine, do it that way to start, and after you are satisfied, expect him to flip you over and do you doggie style.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

moulinyx said:


> This response drives me crazy.
> 
> So because this ONE position doesn’t feel the greatest, he doesn’t want to do it at all? I get the fear of injury, but there’s plenty you can do that doesn’t involve bouncing around to the point where he is scared. As a matter of fact, that grinding move is perfectly safe. Women go through plenty positions that do not feel great but we know our husbands like it.
> 
> ...


Maybe I'm missing something in the thread. I wonder if @Mrswife has gained anymore info from hubby. It just seems like something else besides discomfort is afoot.

Who doesn't like time spent with the woman on top?


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> Depending on exactly what his wife is doing, we are talking about her damaging his penis.


I think we are asuming it's penis injury.

She hasn't answered back as to what the injury is.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I think he needs a psychiatrist...  or he doesn't like your boobs anymore. Sorry to be direct.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

I can only add my point of from from the husband side. My wife has been on top for a while and as much as I enjoy it, I've been losing my erection more often. Mostly because I needed a change, the same thing over and over again was getting mundane. I told her the other day I'd like to have some variety in our positions and she said yes but is a little on the fence as when we try something new, it's like we've never had sex before and things don't go well.

We've both gained weight over the years so this this doesn't help.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Mrswife said:


> We're a heterosexual couple that has been married 4 years, in a relationship for 9, and have always had a good sex life. When we were first dating, we used to have sex with me on top often. I really enjoyed this position as it is the only way that I can climax through sex but it also made me feel really confident in myself. I know that this position isn't always the most physically enjoyable for men, but my husband always appeared to enjoy it, requesting the position often and climaxing regularly. However, on a few occasions last year my husband lost his erection during this position so we stopped using it for a while. At the time we both got quite upset with the situation, although we talked about it. We have continued to have an active sex life (on average about 3 times a week) and my husband is generally attentive during foreplay, so I have been climaxing. But I miss being on top and the intimacy of climaxing during sex. I explained this to my husband a few weeks ago in what I thought was a sensitive way (outside of sex) and he agreed that he missed the position. He stated he had previously lost his erection over concerns that he would get injured and during sex he would focus on this instead of the sex. He has never injured himself in this way with me and never previously had issues with the position. We have recently tried to bring the position back, but each time now results in a loss of erection. We have tried different angles and switching to this position at different points, all with the same outcome. Initially, I down played this and switched to another position for him to climax. But the more this happens, the more upset I am getting. I am not as confident in my appearance as I once was, and him experiencing this only when I am most sexually vulnerable is having a negative image on my self worth. Whilst he states he has concerns about injuries, I feel like the issue is more likely to be that he isn't enjoying the physical sensation, so I am starting to resent sex, as I can climax within minutes when on top but am no longer able to climax at all, whilst he continues to orgasm. I have tried to spice things up, buying sexy lingerie and talking dirty (things I know he enjoys) but feel that I am the only one making the effort and I am slowly losing interest in sex as it just feels one sided. Does anyone have an ideas at all on where we go from here?


Injury?! BS! This position to me does have less sensation for self, but frees hands and the view is great. 

Wonder if he has been doing alot of self pleasure that could lead to much less sensitivity experienced with you on top.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> Injury?! BS! This position to me does have less sensation for self, but frees hands and the view is great.
> 
> Wonder if he has been doing alot of self pleasure that could lead to much less sensitivity experienced with you on top.


Actually one time when my wife was on top she was very "bouncy" lol and I slipped out when she was up, when she came down I bent and that hurt like hell!. Mind you it only happened once. Now another time I again came out because she was moving vigorously and ended up going into the WRONG hole. Accidents do happen


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

badsanta said:


> For whatever reason, your husband now has performance anxiety about you being on top. His notion of being worried about an injury could be a deflection/lie from the real reason he has anxiety.
> 
> Generally speaking anxiety comes from a fear of rejection. If historically you have enjoyed being on top the most, perhaps this is a position that is all about you and your husband ignores his own pleasure in order to try and please you. This could have now escalated to where he now worries about losing his erection while you are on top and as a result it creates a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
> 
> ...


May be this. When my wife and i were lighter(lack of pubic padding) when she wag grinding it sometines felt like her pubic bone was giving mine a sternum rub. Very uncomfortable.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Mrswife said:


> We're a heterosexual couple that has been married 4 years, in a relationship for 9, and have always had a good sex life. When we were first dating, we used to have sex with me on top often. I really enjoyed this position as it is the only way that I can climax through sex but it also made me feel really confident in myself. I know that this position isn't always the most physically enjoyable for men, but my husband always appeared to enjoy it, requesting the position often and climaxing regularly. *However, on a few occasions last year my husband lost his erection during this position* so we stopped using it for a while.


first, realize that for a man who can not get erect to please his wife, that is like getting hit upside his head with a baseball bat. Most men take that very personally, and will avoid what got him into that situation.

secondly he, for whatever the reason is, needs more rough sex to keep himself hard and to cum. that equates to you on the bottom and him pounding forcefully into you. Hence him wanting you on the bottom.

now, the penis in your vagina is at a much different angle with you on the bottom as opposed to on the top. so it is not really that surprising that you like one vs the other. 

When you were on top, did you do other things to play with him so he could maintain his erection and cum easily? Did you pull on his nipples? did you rub his anus with your finger? did you talk dirty to him? Did you tie up his hands so he was sexually restrained? did you slide a **** ring down to the base of his penis before riding him?

It might be as simple as upping your level of kinky activity, and he will be just fine with you on top again


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

NJHubby47 said:


> Actually one time when my wife was on top she was very "bouncy" lol and I slipped out when she was up, when she came down I bent and that hurt like hell!. Mind you it only happened once. Now another time I again came out because she was moving vigorously and ended up going into the WRONG hole. Accidents do happen


that, actually, IS a thing to watch out for. You can "fracture" your penis. you do not want to do that


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

moulinyx said:


> I’d suggest looking up some new positions that still give you similar stimulation and/or purchase a vibrator. This is such an easy fix! Trying reversing with one of your legs under his and you will have similar “stimulation” from his leg AND still feel super hot.


if i were the woman, and climaxed more readily on the top, but was on the bottom today....i would be using my fingers and possibly a vibrator (butterfly?) to help me to cum! 
It actually turns men on to see women clutching their clit and nipples as they get laid....it makes them harder and want to pound her even more.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Mrswife said:


> We're a heterosexual couple that has been married 4 years, in a relationship for 9, and have always had a good sex life. When we were first dating, we used to have sex with me on top often. I really enjoyed this position as it is the only way that I can climax through sex but it also made me feel really confident in myself. I know that this position isn't always the most physically enjoyable for men, but my husband always appeared to enjoy it, requesting the position often and climaxing regularly. *However, on a few occasions last year my husband lost his erection during this position so we stopped using it for a while.* At the time we both got quite upset with the situation, although we talked about it. We have continued to have an active sex life (on average about 3 times a week) and my husband is generally attentive during foreplay, so I have been climaxing. But I miss being on top and the intimacy of climaxing during sex. I explained this to my husband a few weeks ago in what I thought was a sensitive way (outside of sex) and he agreed that he missed the position. He stated he had previously lost his erection over concerns that he would get injured and during sex he would focus on this instead of the sex. He has never injured himself in this way with me and never previously had issues with the position. We have recently tried to bring the position back, but each time now results in a loss of erection. We have tried different angles and switching to this position at different points, all with the same outcome. Initially, I down played this and switched to another position for him to climax. But the more this happens, the more upset I am getting. I am not as confident in my appearance as I once was, and him experiencing this only when I am most sexually vulnerable is having a negative image on my self worth. Whilst he states he has concerns about injuries, I feel like the issue is more likely to be that he isn't enjoying the physical sensation, so I am starting to resent sex, as I can climax within minutes when on top but am no longer able to climax at all, whilst he continues to orgasm. I have tried to spice things up, buying sexy lingerie and talking dirty (things I know he enjoys) but feel that I am the only one making the effort and *I am slowly losing interest in sex as it just feels one sided. *Does anyone have an ideas at all on where we go from here?


You don't mention his age, but given the short time you have been together sounds like he is maybe early 30s. Not sure where he suddenly became fearful of injury. Personally, wife on top has always been my favorite, actually find the position extraordinarily arousing, but with age she has arthritis so we can only enjoy that for a short time.

I would respectfully suggest he try a low dose of PDE5 inhibitor to allow you to "get back in the saddle". After a few times of that maybe success will allow you to resume what you enjoy.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

You all know this is an old one post hit and run?


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