# I want her back -but she's not coming



## Shoda

I have been reading this forum for almost the last 2 days. Trying to search for an answer or just something to help me understand better.

My wife and have been together for 31 years. Married for 29. She has been the love of my life and I could never imagine being without her. But over the last couple of years something happened. As my job allowed for transfers around the USA and overseas, we often changed residences (every 2-3 years). In a previous move my wife had continued playing an online warring game (Modern Warfare 3) for hours each day, and at times all through the night. When I saw on numerous occasions she was not in bed I would peak in on her and she would be chatting (not gaming) with someone. When asked what's going on, she'd reply just talking to a friend. I had my suspicions and asked her to stop this before it got out of control. Not believing in her excuses I started logging the home computer. Sure enough she had been having cybersex with one of her gaming man friends. When I confronted her with this she said she knew it was wrong and would stop. This lasted about a week and then became angry because I was controlling her and her life. I retired soon afterwards as I could not handle the mental stress of work and trying to deal with her.

Advance 6 months and she is moved back into our retirement home (we still have a 13yo girl and 11yo boy). I start to see the same sneaking around late in the evenings and eventually she purchases a headset to talk with her gaming friends. So I'm back to the logging the computer and find out she is now seeing a different man (she is 49, he is 33) and they have been telling each other how much in love they are and can't wait to begin their new lives. Problem is he's married too. She tells me their relationship is off, then gets caught again. This happens in FEB, MAR, APR, MAY. Finally in May I tell her that I will see a divorce lawyer and she is free to go. She begs to stay and work things out - I say yes.

We forward to June and due to unexplained pains in my lower trunk find out that I have cancer requiring surgery. Two days after coming home from hospital (Saturday night) I ask her what is going on she seems strange. And she says is I'm leaving you and the kids and moving to Missouri to be with my one true love. I'm speechless and crying for the next 3 days almost nonstop. During all of this she has no problem in telling me all sorts of faults I may have and that even if she stayed I could never really please her sexually again. (twist the knife a bit harder and then pour in some rubbing alcohol & salt). I'm devastated.!!

Everyday since she left I cry like I have never cried before. I have lost 3 children during our lifetime together and thought nothing would ever match or come close to that pain. I was wrong. I see her picture everywhere in the house and can't bring myself to take any of them down. Every day I tell both my kids and anyone else that asks that I am madly in love with my wife and want her to come back in my life forever. But every night when she talks to my son (chat or phone) she continues to tell him she is so happy and glad she left and this man is wonderful and everything she ever wanted.

I would love to say well if you can find a lover so can I. Well that is pretty difficult 10 days after prostate cancer surgery and not knowing if you will ever have the ability or be able to satisfy another woman again. Thus the crying - the new found lack of self worth/confidence.

I can't seem to let go. MY heart is holding on harder than ever to her. But all of this is killing me inside when I think of her with this man.

Just feeling numb..


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## Cherry

Your story is so very heart wrenching, and I wanted to let you know I'm sorry for what you are going through. I have no wisdom to offer to ease the pain you must feel. 

My heart goes out to you, take care.


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