# If you can't beat em...join em



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I got to thinking last night...every once in a while I'm wont to do that. This forum is full of people who have had their very being altered by so called EA's or PA's. I think we'd have to agree there is a fair amount of expertise on those topics here. So I thought to myself why not take advantage of that knowledge. 

Many of us are or have been in marriages where one or both sides become distracted by the many challenges we face in life and focus on the marital relationship takes a back seat. People sufferring in these doldrums are ripe for the picking when it comes to EA's or PA's. 

So my thought is why not have an EA or PA with your own spouse. Be interested in who they are. Notice and make positive comments regarding new outfits, hair do's etc. Have secretive communication meant only for the two of you. The list goes on...

I've only scratched the surface on this. Just wondering if others have ideas on how to have a torrid affair with your own spouse.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

We have started texting through out the day...no sexting because his phone is a work phone. I flash him when the kids are in the other room. Tell him I want sex all the time with him. Kisses, ILYs, tons of thank yous and my favorite just leaning in for hugs and kisses for no reason. Doing small things to help each others days go smoothly.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

We like to do the texting thing, even though we see each other naked every day and night we still send dirty pics asking what she is wereing...knowit the same uniform day in and day out. 

Another thing is motel sex...nothing beats motel sex. You can be as loud as you want, and you don't have to clean up the mess!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think that's a great idea.If more people invested time in having an EA/PA with their spouse instead of using the energy elsewhere,the divorce rate would certainly be a lot lower and people would be a lot happier.

flirty emails,sexy texts,naughty photos,be HAPPY to see the person when they come home...behave as though you haven't seen them in weeks


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Oh, I like this idea! 

Stalk their facebook page, and Like everything they say and every picture they post. Then send 'em an email saying how hot they looked in whatever picture.

When you're both sitting around at home, each of you on your computers, start an IM chat or send flirty emails.

When you're out with your spouse, make eyes at each other from across the room, or sneak off to the bathroom to make out.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

That's called a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Here's my list of DAILY things to do for/to my wife

1. Compliment how she's dressed/what she's wearing/her makeup/her hair etc. Something on that list
2. Flirt with her- verbally or physically or both
3. Make her laugh - A REAL laugh
4. Say I love you in the morning, during the day and at night
5. Kiss when we wake up, after work and before bed (minimum) and one of them NEEDS to be a passionate kiss.
6. Do something for her - even if it's as simple as getting her a glass of water before bed.
7. Notice at least ONE thing that I find special about her.

I do those things while still being "the man of the house". I'm the disciplinarian with our kids. I still do projects and fix cars etc. LOL. But I'm aware that every woman has a need to be wooed and that doesn't end when she gets married. I woo my wife every day.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

where's the hurl emoticon when you need it?


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

ATC529R said:


> where's the hurl emoticon when you need it?


What exactly are you wanting to hurl about?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

the guy said:


> We like to do the texting thing, even though we see each other naked every day and night we still send dirty pics asking what she is wereing...knowit the same uniform day in and day out.
> 
> Another thing is motel sex...nothing beats motel sex. You can be as loud as you want, and you don't have to clean up the mess!


Lol...so true!!! 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

the guy said:


> We like to do the texting thing, even though we see each other naked every day and night we still send dirty pics asking what she is wereing...knowit the same uniform day in and day out.
> 
> Another thing is motel sex...nothing beats motel sex. You can be as loud as you want, and you don't have to clean up the mess!


I have motel sex planned when my mother comes to visit in Feb. I cannot wait to surprise him with that one!!!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

the guy said:


> Another thing is motel sex...nothing beats motel sex. You can be as loud as you want, and you don't have to clean up the mess!


I always like motel sex. When you're done you can move to the other bed so no one has to sleep in the wet spot.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

This is a great thread, and I hope the responses keep going!

- I used to make her coffee every morning, maybe it's time I brought that back.
- We try to do the morning and evening kisses

I really have to plan the hotel/motel sex though, that's a great idea! Even if it's not an overnight, just some private time with no interruptions from the kids or anyone else.


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## Snookums (Nov 6, 2012)

First I'd like to say hello to everyone. I'm new here and just want to say it feels good to finally know I'm not alone with some of the issues I've been facing in my relationship & I look forward to reading all the advice there is here.

Back on topic: We use to do that a lot and I would still be interested in doing that but ultimately what happens is it leads to very exciting talk that turns me on but by the time we get home he isn't interested so it leaves me feeling let down so now I don't even bother so I don't let myself get excited only to end up frustrated.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Snookums said:


> First I'd like to say hello to everyone. I'm new here and just want to say it feels good to finally know I'm not alone with some of the issues I've been facing in my relationship & I look forward to reading all the advice there is here.
> 
> Back on topic: We use to do that a lot and I would still be interested in doing that but ultimately what happens is it leads to very exciting talk that turns me on but by the time we get home he isn't interested so it leaves me feeling let down so now I don't even bother so I don't let myself get excited only to end up frustrated.


Then push for more. Most men do not turn down a woman that is all over them. Hell, all I have to do is grind my tush against his penis and he is game. Remember that it does not fall on the man to initiate. The want to know that we desire them too.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> That's called a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
> 
> Here's my list of DAILY things to do for/to my wife
> 
> ...





underwater2010 said:


> What exactly are you wanting to hurl about?


Maybe it's just me, but I would need daily female hormone injections to do this. so, let everyone bash me. 

I agree with the premise of the thread though.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> Then push for more. Most men do not turn down a woman that is all over them. *Hell, all I have to do is grind my tush against his penis and he is game.* Remember that it does not fall on the man to initiate. The want to know that we desire them too.


yeah, but what about cuddling???? My wife always wants to cuddle etc. but says I always want sex. I don't want sex, but about 30 second into cuddling mr happy wakes up.....now she's 1/2 asleeep and i'm blueballin it.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I do not grind my hips unless I plan to finish. And this example is when it was that time of the month. Trust me he got his!!!


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## Snookums (Nov 6, 2012)

Isn't it just as important for a man to initiate also to let his wife know she too is desired & wanted??


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> That's called a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
> 
> Here's my list of DAILY things to do for/to my wife
> 
> ...





ATC529R said:


> yeah, but what about cuddling???? My wife always wants to cuddle etc. but says I always want sex. I don't want sex, but about 30 second into cuddling mr happy wakes up.....now she's 1/2 asleeep and i'm blueballin it.


Maybe if you did my list you wouldn't be.....:smthumbup:

Seriously though. My list has nothing to do with feminine versus masculine. Why would you need female injections to pay attention to your wife's needs? 

Let me give some "non-female" examples

1. You know I love your a$$ in those panties...you better save some energy for later tonight after <son's name> is asleep.
2. 1 is instantly followed by grabbing her a$$ with some rubbing of "nearby" areas. She may push me away, but I push back a little bit. If she says "come on" my response is "would you rather that I didn't go after what I want?"
3. Making my wife laugh is easy, happens naturally
4. Saying I love you shouldn't be tough either, it usually accompanies the kissing. Same with the next.
5. What is feminine about kissing your wife? 
6. I bet you already DO something for your wife at least one thing each day and don't even realize it
7. This one doesn't have to be an everyday thing, but at least once a week. If you're not doing this then you're taking your wife for granted. EVERYONE wants to be recognized.

PS guess what happens on the nights where I do 1, 2 like that followed by the rest of the list.....and the color blue isn't in the answer.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Snookums said:


> Isn't it just as important for a man to initiate also to let his wife know she too is desired & wanted??


Absolutely....just do not put it all on him. Think back to how many times we reject them when they intiate. It takes both partners. And men are just as likely to feel unwanted as a woman is. They just tend to hide it.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

ATC529R said:


> yeah, but what about cuddling???? My wife always wants to cuddle etc. but says I always want sex. I don't want sex, but about 30 second into cuddling mr happy wakes up.....now she's 1/2 asleeep and i'm blueballin it.


It helps to do the "cuddling" outside the bedroom. Hug her, pull her in for a "real" kiss and whisper sweet nothings. That is what gets us reved up, not hey your butt is in my crotch let's get it on.


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## Snookums (Nov 6, 2012)

being 100% honest I have never rejected him, I on the other hand have been rejected quite a few times for several different excuses.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Snookums said:


> being 100% honest I have never rejected him, I on the other hand have been rejected quite a few times for several different excuses.


Are they valid excuses? Like him being sick or tired from a long day of work.


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## Snookums (Nov 6, 2012)

I've been told sick, tired, stressed, got things on my mind, kids are always around and the list goes on.

I would think if he really wanted it he would make it a point for us to do it.

It's been over 3 months now and I'm climbing the walls. What makes it even worse is when we do finally get around to doing it he lasts for all of maybe 5 minutes then is done & rolls over ready for sleep. GREAT!! you've relieved yourself but I've been left even more frustrated then when I started because it was more like a tease if anything.


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