# Wife's health issues have killed my sex drive



## Zippy70 (Nov 23, 2012)

Wife and I both between 35-40, in our first marriage and have been married for 15 years now. Over the course of our marriage she has had a variety of health issues, the last resulting in a hysterectomy. Up until this latest stuff, we have probably averaged having sex for 2x a month, and although I would have liked it more since I had a fairly high sex drive, that was really all she could keep up with and enjoy.
After the hyster, my libido for her has dropped to zero...I now have no desire to be intimate with her and although she has approached me once since the operation for sex, I just couldn't muster up the desire to do it.
We haven't really talked about this much other than briefly. She's confused and feeling unattractive. I'm confused and feeling guilty for no longer wanting her.
Help????


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## BrookeT (Nov 3, 2012)

Do you view her as less of a woman now?


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Are you getting your sexual needs met elsewhere? Porn?

How much time alone do you spend together?

2 x a month is not much. What were her previous health problems? 

What is the rest of your relationship like?

How does she treat you? Is she bossy, does she nag etc?


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## Zippy70 (Nov 23, 2012)

BrookeT - yeah I think the nature of the operation might have something to do with it. Could be that my libido is "freaked" or something by it. 

Littledeer - I tend to stay away from porn as I am concerned it could get addictive. It's been a lot of cold showers to this point and surprisingly to me, I've started getting wet dreams again (which I haven't really had since my mid 20's, so that is kind of novel again I guess)........I don't want to get too specific on her earlier health stuff, but some of it was chronic stuff and others were smaller things that cropped up regularly. But added up they have taken a toll on us both I think. Her sex drive was always a little lower than mine.
Our communication is so-so,we've got two younger children and one of them has ADHD, so that occupies a lot of our talk time.......

She has her good traits and her annoying ones too (as I know that I do).


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

DOn't let the operation freak you out. My fiancee had a hysterrectomy years ago, and for me it's the best sex. There's no need for condoms or any worry over pregnancy. It's actually free reign to just do whatever with no consequences.

I'll admit I felt a little weird about it at first too, but I quite enjoy it now and so does she. No concerns or worries, just hit the sack and have at it! Maybe try to look at it from that angle and it might alleviate some of your concern. See it as a positive thing for your sex life (and of course her health too).


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

My wife had uterine cancer and lost all of those parts attempting to remove all of the carcinoma. It was the cancer that put a road block on our sex lives but she has been cancer free for over 11 years now and the sexual flood gates are wide open now!:smthumbup:


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

ifweonly said:


> My wife had uterine cancer and lost all of those parts attempting to remove all of the carcinoma. It was the cancer that put a road block on our sex lives but she has been cancer free for over 11 years now and the sexual flood gates are wide open now!:smthumbup:


now that's a happy story!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You may need to work at it a bit, but if you still love your wife I think you can change your attitude a little and desire her again.

My wife has had more than her share of medical issues, too, but I'm still nuts about her. Rather than seeing your wife as damaged, think of her as a pair of your favorite old shoes - comfortable to slip into despite being a little scuffed and worn!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

ifweonly said:


> My wife had uterine cancer and lost all of those parts attempting to remove all of the carcinoma. It was the cancer that put a road block on our sex lives but she has been cancer free for over 11 years now and the sexual flood gates are wide open now!:smthumbup:


Good for you. Now if you could post your own thread and not bump one from 2 years ago it would be much appreciated.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

My suggestion is you get help to get past your hang up with the hysterectomy. You really shouldn't be holding that against her.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Good for you. Now if you could post your own thread and not bump one from 2 years ago it would be much appreciated.


Oooops...


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Zombie thread. Closing it. Feel free to open a new thread, *ifweonly.*


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