# When will it eva stop



## prettyinpink05 (Nov 1, 2008)

I really need to just vent my husband is at it again or should I say he has never stop, the woman that I talk about that I know my husband is messing around with is my old friend and the woman that use to babysit or children...but anyway things have been fine I have been giving him what a man really love and things have been ok,not going to say its a fairytale but last night or yesterday he was running to do something for his sis before we went to the movies I say ok fine I'll be ready when you get back....ok time went by I call to see whats up he didn't pick up then I txt same thing never respond back quick as usually maybe about 10 or 15min. pass he call back and said dum crap as he had to run some other place for OK not a problem, came home and there it was the same smell of this B...H all ova my husband and he had the nerve to say it my deodorant that he use because he ran out come on I say come better be a man tell me the truth lie in my face again and the he want to get upset with me and turn this bullsh.. around on me then go out to the car and he tried to cover that crap up with car spray come the HELL on what the HELL is wrong with these nasty, B$$$H this nasty HOE has a husband n three kids, I just want to make him feel the way he make me feel and want the HOE to get whats coming to her.....

Needed to get that off my chest>>>>>>>PLEASE HELP ADVISE PLEASE.


----------



## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

I feel for you hon.. I think your in a toxic situation. Until he stops with the other women oyour not going to get the attention you deserve.. I would pull back...


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

It isn't her. She's not doing anything your husband doesn't allow. So put the blame where it belongs. Hold him responsible. 

You're going to have to give him an ultimatum. Her or you. And then you're going to have to stick to it.


----------



## QuitaBee (Aug 11, 2009)

dobo said:


> It isn't her. She's not doing anything your husband doesn't allow. So put the blame where it belongs. Hold him responsible.
> 
> You're going to have to give him an ultimatum. Her or you. And then you're going to have to stick to it.


Exactly, give him that ultimatum, don't sit there and let him lie to your face time and time again. A man will hold on to a lie until the end of their time. But you don't have to be around to see that lie play out or fall apart. Yes she is wrong for sleeping with your husband but he is too!


----------



## KeepLoveAlive (Sep 7, 2009)

Lay it out there for him. Either be true to you or get out. If you allow compromise he will do it again and again.


----------



## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

*prettyinpink05* 

It sucks that you are having to deal with a cheater, I have had to deal with that before too and it's a horrible, humiliating, degrading, a self esteem robber for sure.
Most people will tell you to dump the guy right off, but they don't know the whole story. You obviously don't wish the relationship to end or you would have dumped him initially and now you are trying to pass the blame to the woman and away from your man because you wish to salvage him.
You are entitled to do what ever you wish with this situation.
I myself stayed with and married the person that cheated on me.
Be honest with your self first though, asses the situation(s) in the past that might have lead to your husband cheating in the first place.
Please note, for sake of this discussion, that by changing your ways, does not take back the damage done to your relationship.

I mean just because you occasionally or always give in to your mans sexual desires now, does not mean that all is right back to the point before the original damage to the relationship occurred.

I am in a similar situation, I have not YET cheated, but my Wife is making that option more and more desirable, even necessary every day. 

No one can ever know for sure why people have issues, but we all do.

About, your husband, treating you as badly as he seems to be, no one can speak for him, people cheat for a bunch of reasons, does not make it right. 
I myself feel that I am within my rights as a human being to have sex with another woman at this point because of my Wife's willful neglect, her years of using sex as a weapon and plain just not doing her job as the woman that wishes to be the only person I am allowed to even come to for sex.

Could this, my situation, be your mans, could he bethinking the same thing, now or in the past? 
Could you have pushed a once good man to doing something so reprehensible, or is he just a lying, cheating, excuse for a man that is obviously selfish, does not care about you as much as he does himself, and whom you are better off without.

Be honest with yourself. Trust me,it's easy to make excuses, to stay with a cheater, I did, and have been suffering since.

I know from reading the posts on these forms, that a lot of people (me included) are going through the same thing you are going through or some variation or stage there of.

Hang in there and remember that you are important too, if not to your husband or anyone else, you are important to you.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

"I am in a similar situation, I have not YET cheated, but my Wife is making that option more and more desirable, even necessary every day. "

Hogwash. Tell yourself that but don't try to sell it to anyone else. They won't buy it.


----------



## prettyinpink05 (Nov 1, 2008)

I understand what everyone is stating, but do believe not putting it all on the other woman but we all was friends at once and I mean we all were like family and things that she went through and that I went through we were there and people always say its not the women fault blame ur husband-man or what eva but if you been with me and my family in my home, taking trips, babysitting, just what people do as you become like family never said he was not the fault oh yes he is 100% fault both parties...it just the fact that when say one thing and do another that put you back were you start off....Let me quote were <Carmaenforcer> stated when he said his wifely DUTIES that's the same crap that my husband was saying to me when I was not doing my wifely duties CZ I didn't feel the need if you cheat on me then why do you need my LOVE and yes never never never cheated the 13yrs we have been together not even when he cheated why break what I promise in front of GOD even though he did......YES my husband hurt deeply did I eva forgive him yes once in my life but do I still or in love with him NO I'm here for my children am I unhappy yes but they didn't ask for this.....he say he is sooooo in love with me but I just look and smile like ok what eva I do not have trust anymore...O have I ever seen him with this person know but I just have that feeling that we as women get when something is not right...My father told me a long time ago that people will dislike how your life is and do what ever to get or have what you have at any means necessary....but every advise that I HAVE RECIEVE THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH.


----------



## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

dobo said:


> It isn't her. She's not doing anything your husband doesn't allow. So put the blame where it belongs. Hold him responsible.
> 
> You're going to have to give him an ultimatum. Her or you. And then you're going to have to stick to it.


You don't know what she has done to warrant her husbands behavior? 
Some people (men and women) do just cheat because they are cheaters and other (LIKE ME) are pushed to it by having to deal with a relationship or rather sex drive terrorist taking it (husbands sex drive) hostage, until demands are met. 

*prettyinpink05*


> You're going to have to give him an ultimatum. Her or you. And then you're going to have to stick to it.


Talk about careless advice. Playing these types of control games, is what turns us (men in general terms) off of you (women in general terms) in the first place.

Yeah, do this if you are 100% confident that he will make the decision that benefits your ultimate goal. Take into consideration the fact that he is seeking something in her that he is not getting or that he gets easier or better somewhere else, and men don't respond well to demands, threats and ultimatums from their spouses. 

Might backfire on you.

Sit him down, with evidence in hand so as to avoid the whole denying it thing, preferably, but do sit and talk about the whole thing honestly. Ask him maybe, why he is still doing that if you have truly changed the things that you though caused the problem in the first place. Make him admit the fact that you have done what you think are doing and giving him everything he needs and that he is still cheating, for no good reason, that involves your actions in any way. Then when you leave him you can truly move forward and look back at him as an ass whole and not the one you let slip out of your hands.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

"My father told me a long time ago that people will dislike how your life is and do what ever to get or have what you have at any means necessary...."

That's not true if you hang around good people. I've never met anyone like the people your father is describing. 

We all understand that you're angry at this woman. But she's outside of your sphere of influence. Your husband is the only one who can change this situation, by not seeing her anymore. And if he won't, then what are you going to do? Sit around and complain?


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Carma, you're full of it. Nobody is making you cheat. If you do that, you're a coward. Divorce first. Then have sex with whomever you want. If you won't do that you have nobody but yourself to blame for cheating as it is your choice. You have a hand, right? Use it. 

And for guys who feel as you do about women, who cares? They're bitter and not good for anyone in the condition they are in. 

For the record, giving sex every day doesn't = faithfulness, either. Some people simply have no self-control or other underlying issues that predispose them to cheating. You on the other hand, will have to accept that you decided to cheat over every other value -- like self-respect, honoring your word, etc. You are the one who gave sex that power.


----------



## prettyinpink05 (Nov 1, 2008)

That's true...but when your check-out how do you get-out and he is the type that said this to me before if you ever leave believe me I will make your life HELL if I can't have you then NO ONE WILL his words are you belong to me.......I think I guess I'm just so confuse.
Well dobo I thought I hung around someone I could trust but it hit my in yje face, so I have a trust issue now


----------



## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

dobo said:


> "My father told me a long time ago that people will dislike how your life is and do what ever to get or have what you have at any means necessary...."
> 
> That's not true if you hang around good people. I've never met anyone like the people your father is describing.
> 
> We all understand that you're angry at this woman. But she's outside of your sphere of influence. Your husband is the only one who can change this situation, by not seeing her anymore. And if he won't, then what are you going to do? Sit around and complain?


I agree with *dobo* on, the fact that not all people will covet what you have and if they do they might not all do anything to try and take that from you, but some will and do.

I also agree that you should not concern your self with the woman so much, not because she doesn't deserve to get her but handed to her for crossing that line, breaking the bro-code, but he is the one that cheated on you not her.

I dis-agree with the "sphere of influence" analogy because it implies that you have the ability and right to "influence", "control", him at all. You don't and he will only rebel further.

He's already taken that power you ever had over him by getting sex elsewhere, now you are shooting blanks in his mind, he took away your weapon or at least that one.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

That's a threat and one that is unacceptable.

You need a lawyer and you need to let him know you've been threatened like that.

How's he with the physical violence? Do you have family you could stay with? People to look out for you? Sounds like your father wouldn't put up with this guy's guff. What about him?


----------



## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

prettyinpink05 said:


> That's true...but when your check-out how do you get-out and he is the type that said this to me before if you ever leave believe me I will make your life HELL if I can't have you then NO ONE WILL his words are you belong to me.......I think I guess I'm just so confuse.
> Well dobo I thought I hung around someone I could trust but it hit my in yje face, so I have a trust issue now


Did you ever threaten to leave him to get your way in an argument?
In the beginning, my Wife would use that threat on me because she knew how important keeping our family together was.

That threat ended when I told her, try and take my child away from me and see what happens! 
A threat, HELL YES, in response to a threat, is just self defense or tit for tat at least, "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.", Newton's second law of motion, but I think can apply to relationships.

Do not expect no action to be taken in response to your action.

*dobo*
You are right in that no one can "make" anyone cheat if they don't want to, but they can make them want to cheat.

Think about that for a second or two, you'll get it.

Do wedding vows come into play when a woman stops having sex with her husband (is that protected by these vows) and if so then, isn't that the true point in which the vows where broken (the willful neglect of a woman's wifely duties) and not when the man has to resort to getting it (sex) else where. 

The answer is no, I don't remember my Wife swearing to give me sex at a reasonable rate of frequency or at all, and I don't remember saying that I wouldn't get it elsewhere if she didn't meet my needs. i think those thing where just implied.

I don't believe in divorce, because it negates the whole point of, for better or worse, till death do us part.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Forsaking all others. 

That's what that means. I'd have to see your vows to know what you promised. 

Wanting to cheat is different than cheating. 

Why don't you divorce this woman? The marriage is over, anyway. Threats, bitterness, anger. Puh. Who needs that? She can't take your child away. 

PS - wifely duties? What century do you live in?  

Sex may enter "love, honor and cherish" but then that should be something that was discussed before marriage. Did you even discuss what your vows meant to each other? Sex is up there in my marriage. It was discussed. If he changed afterward, I'd cry foul. Bait and switch is not acceptable. 

BTW, where the physical world has no choice but to respond, people have a choice so no, you cannot apply Newton's laws to relationships. You may feel like getting someone back, but you are no compelled by any universal law to comply with that feeling. And you know it.

So gather yourself. Do what you need to do. But don't come up with all of this nonsense to back up how you feel. You have enough to be angry about without trying to bolster your feelings with things that don't really apply or aren't true. Youv'e been hurt and you've been made to feel as though you are unimportant. But your helplessness is of your own choosing. You can change things. You just have to accept it probably isn't with this woman. And for that I am sorry.


----------

