# Question for older men 30+



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

I find myself craving a more peaceful and drama free environment in my thirties. In my twenties I would tolerate drama queens because the sex was awesome and frequent. Don't get me wrong I still love sex but my wife is such a drama queen that it kills my sex drive. It's like I have ZERO tolerance for women's emotional issues. Is this normal as you get older?
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## back9 (Dec 14, 2009)

Sanity said:


> I find myself craving a more peaceful and drama free environment in my thirties. In my twenties I would tolerate drama queens because the sex was awesome and frequent. Don't get me wrong I still love sex but my wife is such a drama queen that it kills my sex drive. It's like I have ZERO tolerance for women's emotional issues. Is this normal as you get older?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know if it is normal or how prevalent it is, but yes, I find I am less patient than I was as a younger man. (I am 38.) But I am that way in all aspects of my life, not just my wife. Some of it may be the usual challenge that comes from being married a long time.

I think you should engage in some introspection and figure out why this is happening. I am still trying to figure it out myself.

Good luck.
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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

as a man who recently entered his 30's... I found I had less patience ten years ago than I do now... but I will say there were things that was cute back then, that if done now would just be a embarassing wreck now... so I feel people have a different view of things but it's just called maturity...


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

If you become less patient as you grow older, you are not maturing.
If you cannot tolerate your wife's "emotional issues", you are not ready to be married. People have issues; not everyone can be perfect like you.
Instead of looking down at your wife for her issues, how about trying to help or sending her to a therapist? It sounds like her husband is an immature and self centred teenage boy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

When it's about wooing a sexy girl, men are more patient.
When the sexy girl becomes a wife, men are impatient.

If maturity means things get old and the wife also gets old.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Inevitably, when you support someone else with "their issues", what you find is some of your own.

A humbling experience for sure - but it makes you better.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Inevitably, when you support someone else with "their issues", what you find is some of your own.
> 
> A humbling experience for sure - but it makes you better.


Oh, Conrad. I think I'll have to kiss you. Can I? LOL Your response was amazing.
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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> If you become less patient as you grow older, you are not maturing.
> If you cannot tolerate your wife's "emotional issues", you are not ready to be married. People have issues; not everyone can be perfect like you.
> Instead of looking down at your wife for her issues, how about trying to help or sending her to a therapist? It sounds like her husband is an immature and self centred teenage boy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I never referred to patience. That I have plenty off. Perhaps I was not very clear. When I referred to "emotional issues" it's issues that destroy the peace. For example jealously, insecurities, bad temper, etc. And yes I have taken her to three different therapists and they all concur that she needs mood stabilizers+therapy. She doesn't want to get help hence why I asked people here if with age they has less tolerance for drama queens/kings Thank you for the feedback.
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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Inevitably, when you support someone else with "their issues", what you find is some of your own.
> 
> A humbling experience for sure - but it makes you better.


Or maybe in my twenties I was thinking with my penis and now that I'm older my penis is not so smart anymore?
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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sanity said:


> I find myself craving a more peaceful and drama free environment in my thirties. In my twenties I would tolerate drama queens because the sex was awesome and frequent. Don't get me wrong I still love sex but my wife is such a drama queen that it kills my sex drive. It's like I have ZERO tolerance for women's emotional issues. Is this normal as you get older?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL. I had to laugh when I saw your post. My estranged husband could have written that post when he moved out of the house in 2008. Yet, at age 44 he was dating a 23 year old women and a couple of more below the age of thirty. You better believe we had drama in the house over that for two years--and he was causing it. And to this day can't see how a 23 year old, spoiled "Sugar Baby" could be drama free.:scratchhead: 

I agree with the others here. We gain more patience and wisdom as we grow old. It's called maturity. If you are having unwanted drama in your house, please look for the causes. And if you wanted zero emotional women's issues, you should have considered getting a pet instead of a wife. Unfortunately all humans come with emotional issues. 

Good luck finding maturity or that drama free life.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Well I can only speak for myself. I have found as I have gotten older, in my 40's now, I have changed in many ways. one of those ways is I have become MORE tolerable of women's emotional issues. I was probably less tolerable when I was younger as I was still learning how females and their sometimes emotional issues worked.

When I say "emotional issues" I'm meaning more along the lines of hormones, or depression etc. NOT drama queen emotional issues with other friends etc. MY wife and I have a few friends we surround ourselves with. Most of those are friends who have the same kinds of interests. More mature friends who aren't into drama filled issues. Some friends we had to kind of back off from along the way of aging, due to changing interest. Some of the friends we had were still into the bar scene, getting drunk, wondering who was sleeping with who or whatever. Those days are gone, mostly because we ended up, growing up.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Sanity said:


> I never referred to patience. That I have plenty off. Perhaps I was not very clear. When I referred to "emotional issues" it's issues that destroy the peace. For example jealously, insecurities, bad temper, etc. And yes I have taken her to three different therapists and they all concur that she needs mood stabilizers+therapy. She doesn't want to get help hence why I asked people here if with age they has less tolerance for drama queens/kings Thank you for the feedback.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah, I see. You cannot help those who do not wish to help themselves.
Having "zero tolerance" for jealousy or insecurities indicate a lack of patience. How about some empathy and compassion? 
Has your wife communicated why she refuses meds and therapy.
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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

When women start aging, their world is fulfilled with insecurities and anxiety. Not too surprising, for you're not alone. A little idea, when you're impatient, try to close an eye and an ear on what she's doing.
Just follow the flow... Perhaps, the therapy might help, but most importantly, you can be impatient but remember to continue paying the bills for your drama queen.
She needs medication for anxiety.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> Ah, I see. You cannot help those who do not wish to help themselves.
> Having "zero tolerance" for jealousy or insecurities indicate a lack of patience. How about some empathy and compassion?
> Has your wife communicated why she refuses meds and therapy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/
> ...


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Depression, anxiety, mood swings, bad temper, nagging, crying, yelling... Those negativities are typical qualities of most wives, including myself.
All the husbands must be ready if they want to stay married with their dear wives, they MUST learn how survive with it and endure it when the drama begins. 
You don't always need patient but wisdom.
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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

friendly said:


> Depression, anxiety, mood swings, bad temper, nagging, crying, yelling... Those negativities are typical qualities of most wives, including myself.
> All the husbands must be ready if they want to stay married with their dear wives, they MUST learn how survive with it and endure it when the drama begins.
> You don't always need patient but wisdom.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I doubt all women are like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Sanity said:


> I doubt all women are like this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And some men are like some of this.

Wives aren't the only moody/high maintenace/temperamental breed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Sanity said:


> Mrs.G said:
> 
> 
> > Ah, I see. You cannot help those who do not wish to help themselves.
> ...


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

friendly said:


> Depression, anxiety, mood swings, bad temper, nagging, crying, yelling... Those negativities are typical qualities of most wives, including myself.
> All the husbands must be ready if they want to stay married with their dear wives, they MUST learn how survive with it and endure it when the drama begins.
> You don't always need patient but wisdom.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So it's acceptable for a woman to behave like a child a we men should just put up with it? Do you believe in personal responsibility ?
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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> Sanity said:
> 
> 
> > Yes, I read it. You did not say WHY your wife refuses therapy before, so I asked.
> ...


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

friendly said:


> Depression, anxiety, mood swings, bad temper, nagging, crying, yelling... Those negativities are typical qualities of most wives, including myself.
> All the husbands must be ready if they want to stay married with their dear wives, they MUST learn how survive with it and endure it when the drama begins.
> You don't always need patient but wisdom.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm dismayed that such generalizations would come from a woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Who has never got mad, cried or yelled to their husbands because of mood swings, insecurities depression and anxiety? 
Women have negative qualities but men still can't live without them.
So try to survive with them because men can't change women, only women change men.
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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Sanity said:


> I doubt all women are like this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I said most but you can expect next woman would be better. Good luck!
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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

friendly said:


> Who has never got mad, cried or yelled to their husbands because of mood swings, insecurities depression and anxiety?
> Women have negative qualities but men still can't live without them.
> So try to survive with them because men can't change women, only women change men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whoa. This should be fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I believe in personal responsiblity, Sanity. That's why it's awful that your wife won't get help.
We all regress to childish nonsense at times. I agree that constant babyish stuff must be taxing.
Are you thinking of leaving the marriage because of this problem?
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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Quote: So it's acceptable for a woman to behave like a child a we men should just put up with it? 

Sad but true!
That's how marriage lasts. Men are childish at times and women put up with it.
So it's not that hard.
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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Bad news for sanity: drama- free queens are now out of stock... Expect those married but looking...
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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Wow there are a lot of generalizations here. Women are emotional succumbuses and men just put up with it? Also, the word nag is one I take great offense to. A woman expressing her needs = nagging. A man expressing his needs = talking. No wonder there is such a divide. 
For the record, in my previous career it was all male dominated. I was one of two women that worked there out of 60+ men. I have never seen such Drama Llamas in my lifetime. One guy literally cleared his desk on the trading room floor because he couldn't see his DOG on the doggy day care webcam. 
Women don't have the market cornered on the drama angle. It's pretty equal in my experience.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Wow there are a lot of generalizations here. Women are emotional succumbuses and men just put up with it? Also, the word nag is one I take great offense to. A woman expressing her needs = nagging. A man expressing his needs = talking. No wonder there is such a divide.
> For the record, in my previous career it was all male dominated. I was one of two women that worked there out of 60+ men. I have never seen such Drama Llamas in my lifetime. One guy literally cleared his desk on the trading room floor because he couldn't see his DOG on the doggy day care webcam.
> Women don't have the market cornered on the drama angle. It's pretty equal in my experience.


I agree. I have meet drama kings too. But should we not hold them accountable for their behavior regardless of gender?
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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Sanity said:


> I agree. I have meet drama kings too. But should we not hold them accountable for their behavior regardless of gender?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, most certainly! What I objected to was this thread was leaning towards women having cornered the market on drama which in my experience is patently untrue. 
How do you hold someone accountable? By holding yourself accountable. You draw a line in the sand and tell the person that to you, this and that will not be acceptable and what the outcome will be. If that line is crossed, then you back up with your action. The onus falls on you. Nobody can change another person, ever.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

If you are growing and maturing, and the spouse isn't, it gets really taxing regardless of the gender. Especially in your fourties. I think you just have to make sure that you're not letting yourself become more narrow minded or inflexible. Sounds like that's not the issue here.

My brother was careful not to let me be alone in the same room with his wife. At fifty, she will still create drama when there is none. Only person I've seen whose three children (not his) ran away before fourteen. He swears that I told her once that her mouth was moving, but nothing but nonsense was coming out, so just shut up. I thought I was more diplomatic about it than that. I think he finally told her the same thing just before the divorce.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I stopped giving a crap or even being remotely interested in other people's operatic drama years ago. I've seen it, heard it, did it. I don't want to hear about your story, your problems, your baggage. And for most part people under 30 have nothing to say to me nothing to contribute. So just grab a drink, strike a pose, look good and shut up.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> I stopped giving a crap or even being remotely interested in other people's operatic drama years ago. I've seen it, heard it, did it. I don't want to hear about your story, your problems, your baggage. And for most part people under 30 have nothing to say to me nothing to contribute. So just grab a drink, strike a pose, look good and shut up.


I'm 29. Does that mean I suddenly gain all knowing insight in one year? LOL My cousin is 18 and that girl comes out with some impressive wisdom. Conversely, I've known many of the over 40 and 50+ crowd, that are close minded and laughably computer illiterate.
When I was 20, I dated this awful 32 year old, that enjoyed bellowing, "I'm older! I know better!" This fool lived in a house and went on vacations...all paid for by his parents. 
But I guess those 30+ are smarter, right? LOL LOL
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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Sanity said:


> I doubt all women are like this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't have the traits what she listed!

As I grow older, I become wiser!  

I don't waste my time on that kind of mood anymore! I enjoy my peace!

FEEL GREAT!

Drama queens are only making fool of themselves and trying to catch attention. But the more they do it, the less attention they get!


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> I stopped giving a crap or even being remotely interested in other people's operatic drama years ago. I've seen it, heard it, did it. I don't want to hear about your story, your problems, your baggage. And for most part people under 30 have nothing to say to me nothing to contribute. So just grab a drink, strike a pose, look good and shut up.



Wow... you must have ran with a small group of closed minded indivduals... I stated once upon a time, "knowledge comes from all walks of life, all ages, all races, all religions, everywhere..."

I will not say I matured faster than most but... I was "choppin game" with my elders when I was nine... talking about politics, crime, religion with my aunts, uncles, and grandmother...

If you pay close attention to those around you... you may find a person 22yo with more wisdom than a 55yo... and before anyone cries B.S... theres alot of people who seem to never grow-up or wise up, so how do they compare to someone moving twice the speed of their peers..?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

WadeWilson said:


> Wow... you must have ran with a small group of closed minded indivduals... I stated once upon a time, "knowledge comes from all walks of life, all ages, all races, all religions, everywhere..."
> 
> I will not say I matured faster than most but... I was "choppin game" with my elders when I was nine... talking about politics, crime, religion with my aunts, uncles, and grandmother...
> 
> If you pay close attention to those around you... you may find a person 22yo with more wisdom than a 55yo... and before anyone cries B.S... theres alot of people who seem to never grow-up or wise up, so how do they compare to someone moving twice the speed of their peers..?



Wade,

Absolute truth.

But, as humans we tend to be extreme.

There is no reason to believe if a 20 something is wise about politics that he has a clue about relationships.

These parts of ourselves are sometimes at completely different ages.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

WadeWilson said:


> Wow... you must have ran with a small group of closed minded indivduals... I stated once upon a time, "knowledge comes from all walks of life, all ages, all races, all religions, everywhere..."
> 
> I will not say I matured faster than most but... I was "choppin game" with my elders when I was nine... talking about politics, crime, religion with my aunts, uncles, and grandmother...
> 
> If you pay close attention to those around you... you may find a person 22yo with more wisdom than a 55yo... and before anyone cries B.S... theres alot of people who seem to never grow-up or wise up, so how do they compare to someone moving twice the speed of their peers..?


Thank you, Wade.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Wade,
> 
> Absolute truth.
> 
> ...


Agreed, we can't be wise about everything... but our experiences may override another persons lack of... truth be told, can a childless man in his forties tell you how to raise your children?
many assume they can answer the question, but we truely don't know... if we never open our ears, how do we truely hear the wisdom that is spoken.... I just would not want anyone to write someone off for age... me and my wife hooked up when I was 12, lived together at 15, and we outlasted pretty much everyone we knew.... I did not mean to sound ofensive in any way, I just got so tired of people who looked down on me because I was younger... yet those same wise ones; who told me how to hold a job, got fired; who told me you don't know nothing bout budget, get evicted/forclosed; how to treat a marriage, get divorced... sad part the wisdom they stood by showed me do the opposite of what they were doing... and yes I faced eevictions and jobloss but theirs was total neglect, and they had 10+ years on me...

truer words "you never stop growing up"


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

WadeWilson said:


> Agreed, we can't be wise about everything... but our experiences may override another persons lack of... truth be told, can a childless man in his forties tell you how to raise your children?
> many assume they can answer the question, but we truely don't know... if we never open our ears, how do we truely hear the wisdom that is spoken.... I just would not want anyone to write someone off for age... me and my wife hooked up when I was 12, lived together at 15, and we outlasted pretty much everyone we knew.... I did not mean to sound ofensive in any way, I just got so tired of people who looked down on me because I was younger... yet those same wise ones; who told me how to hold a job, got fired; who told me you don't know nothing bout budget, get evicted/forclosed; how to treat a marriage, get divorced... sad part the wisdom they stood by showed me do the opposite of what they were doing... and yes I faced eevictions and jobloss but theirs was total neglect, and they had 10+ years on me...
> 
> truer words "you never stop growing up"


With each passing decade (I'm 49 now), I wonder if the next ten years could "possibly" hold as many revelations as the previous ten.

You finish this, as it sounds like your experience is similar.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

WadeWilson said:


> Agreed, we can't be wise about everything... but our experiences may override another persons lack of... truth be told, can a childless man in his forties tell you how to raise your children?
> many assume they can answer the question, but we truely don't know... if we never open our ears, how do we truely hear the wisdom that is spoken.... I just would not want anyone to write someone off for age... me and my wife hooked up when I was 12, lived together at 15, and we outlasted pretty much everyone we knew.... I did not mean to sound ofensive in any way, I just got so tired of people who looked down on me because I was younger... yet those same wise ones; who told me how to hold a job, got fired; who told me you don't know nothing bout budget, get evicted/forclosed; how to treat a marriage, get divorced... sad part the wisdom they stood by showed me do the opposite of what they were doing... and yes I faced eevictions and jobloss but theirs was total neglect, and they had 10+ years on me...
> 
> truer words "you never stop growing up"


Well put!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

I would be fortunate to learn half as much in the next thirty, as I did in the previous... reading _TAM_ I've already learned so much.... and even though we have no major problems, we've enriched ourselves further...


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Just putting this out there. And not to threadjack, but I find it really distressing that 30+ is considered "older men."

By my perspective 30 is really young.

OK, back to discussing this.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Sanity said:


> I find myself craving a more peaceful and drama free environment in my thirties. In my twenties I would tolerate drama queens because the sex was awesome and frequent. Don't get me wrong I still love sex but my wife is such a drama queen that it kills my sex drive. It's like I have ZERO tolerance for women's emotional issues. Is this normal as you get older?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There is a difference between womens emotional issues, and drama queen. We all, women and men, have emotional issues. We all are not drama queens.

She has been drama for so long it is ingrained in her, it's all she knows. She has gotten her way by acting drama. It works, so she continues the bad behavior.

Also she gets attention from it. It may be negative attention, but negative is better than none at all.

I know it is exhausting to be around.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

When you're getting sick of your queen and her drama, dose that mean she should show her drama to some other men and leave you, her husband, alone?
The drama has to go on, the show has to go on even you think she's childish or whatever adjectives. Sometimes you have to love who you chose to marry...
If you can't endure her drama anymore, you have to make it clear. You can quit but you can't change who she is. We don't change ourselves for men, not really. We only adjust and compromise and try not to lose ourselves.
Take it or leave it.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I dated drama queens when I was younger. I don't surround myself with that now, because as far as I'm concerned, that part of my life is over and behind me. 

Women with emotional issues to me, can be very different than drama queens. What I have found now that I'm older is, women with emotional issues are usually the ones with hormonal issues due to aging and the body changing. That is usually something that can't be helped and can maybe be taken care of with some help from a doctor. Where as "drama queens" usually create their own mess.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

Sanity,

I don't think it is a function of age qua age, more it is an issue with how long the behavior has been going on. When your marriage is new you hope that love and time will make positive changes.

When you've been married for years and years and the behavior continues and/or gets worse you realize this is what it is. Now you can either continue to delude yourself or hope therapy and/or meds will help, or move on with your life.

A spouse with hosts of conditions from depression to full blown mental illness is very difficult to live with in my experience. Like AFEH I lived with a BPD wife for many years before divorcing her and recently left my 2nd wife who withdrew emotionally and physically after a lot of good years.

Life is short, enjoy today, tomorrow may not happen for you.

This is not being selfish, it is being sane - marriage is not supposed to be a jail.





Sanity said:


> I never referred to patience. That I have plenty off. Perhaps I was not very clear. When I referred to "emotional issues" it's issues that destroy the peace. For example jealously, insecurities, bad temper, etc. And yes I have taken her to three different therapists and they all concur that she needs mood stabilizers+therapy. She doesn't want to get help hence why I asked people here if with age they has less tolerance for drama queens/kings Thank you for the feedback.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AniversaryFight (Mar 7, 2011)

Mrs.G said:


> If you become less patient as you grow older, you are not maturing.
> If you cannot tolerate your wife's "emotional issues", you are not ready to be married. People have issues; not everyone can be perfect like you.
> Instead of looking down at your wife for her issues, how about trying to help or sending her to a therapist? It sounds like her husband is an immature and self centred teenage boy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Mrs.G

I will divide emotional issues into two phases;

1.Tolerating drama queens: - NOT ready to be married.
Tolerating drama queens is immature as a woman might make you a doormat. being matured is to not allowing someone to walk all over you, disrespect you and play with your head.

1.Tolerating womans TRUE emotional issues: - ready to be married.
Tolerating womans TRUE emotional issues by being a good listener and patient, is an act of maturity.

It depends on a woman, some woman are just drama queens, insecure and full of bringing test to a man. If a man fall for it, aruge with them etc is unattractive to a woman and a man is then not matured enough.

Acoording to Sanity, he said he was thinking with his penis when he was 20's  He fall for this when he was under 30's just because sex was great, but now he does not tolerate anymore since he knows what he wants and therefore he has matured enough by knowing that looks alone for sex does not matter anymore or does not make a sexy hot woman.

Sanity does now not tolerate number 1. Great!


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## AniversaryFight (Mar 7, 2011)

Jamison said:


> I dated drama queens when I was younger. I don't surround myself with that now, because as far as I'm concerned, that part of my life is over and behind me.
> 
> Women with emotional issues to me, can be very different than drama queens. What I have found now that I'm older is, women with emotional issues are usually the ones with hormonal issues due to aging and the body changing. That is usually something that can't be helped and can maybe be taken care of with some help from a doctor. Where as "drama queens" usually create their own mess.


Perfect and well said! Same applies to me!


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