# New here and need advice



## seekadvice (Sep 26, 2019)

Hello, I am new and am seeking advice. My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have known each other for 16 years. He has always traveled for work and I've been coping with it the best I can. Some days I am stronger than others. We have two healthy boys, ages 8 and almost 7. I am terrified that my negative feelings and resentment are sabotaging our marriage. We both love each other and he is a great husband and father. My negative feelings and emotions come out and I cant shut it off.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Is it the fact that he is away so much that bothers you? Why do you think that is? Could he get a job where he is at home more?


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## DoesItGetBetter? (Aug 16, 2019)

Hi, seekadvice - 

You want your husband to be more involved with your life, and that is a good thing! Having said that, your husband is traveling to provide money for your family, so that is a good thing as well. Have you sat him down and explained how much of a negative impact his traveling is having on your family? If so, how does he respond? Can he get another job where he will not need to travel? If not, could you move to another place for employment where he would not need to travel? Either you need to work on your ability to cope with his traveling, or he needs to get another job without so much traveling. 

I wish you well.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Was your H traveling for work before marriage? Did it make you resentful then? Perhaps it is you are caring for your children as what appears to be a single parent. Essentially you are if your H is gone out on business all the time. Tell us some more of you living situation. Guessing your H arrives home and does much of nothing with help around the house or kids?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Everyone is different. I am pretty needy and I wouldn’t be able to handle a relationship with someone who travels often. I totally understand your frustration. 

What is it exactly? The lack of time spent together? Or are you scared he’s cheating? 

I think you need to be realistic about what he can and can’t change.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

seekadvice said:


> Hello, I am new and am seeking advice. My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have known each other for 16 years. He has always traveled for work and I've been coping with it the best I can. Some days I am stronger than others. We have two healthy boys, ages 8 and almost 7. I am terrified that my negative feelings and resentment are sabotaging our marriage. We both love each other and he is a great husband and father. My negative feelings and emotions come out and I cant shut it off.


I suggest individual counselling for you to help you get through this.

Could your husband change jobs? If he did and his income fell, could you cope with that?


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## 20yr (Apr 19, 2019)

seekadvice said:


> Hello, I am new and am seeking advice. My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have known each other for 16 years. He has always traveled for work and I've been coping with it the best I can. Some days I am stronger than others. We have two healthy boys, ages 8 and almost 7. I am terrified that my negative feelings and resentment are sabotaging our marriage. We both love each other and he is a great husband and father. My negative feelings and emotions come out and I cant shut it off.


Are you working full-time too? If so, it is like being a single parent and can be very stressful. If his job is good enough that it makes the travel worthwhile, can you afford some things to make your life easier, such as a cleaning service?

When you say negative feelings - is it that you think he is cheating? Or missing too much family time? Does he check in/facetime, etc when on the road?

Since he always traveled for work, you must have known that was part of the deal. What has changed?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I lived like that for all of the years it took to raise my children. For me, the negative feelings were mostly justified, since my husband acted very entitled throughout - entitled not just to make his own work/travel schedule without ever consulting me, but entitled to schedule playtime for himself in his down time that didn't include me or the children. I was a single mother who happened to be married.

I was angry a lot. I got into therapy and came to some peace with my own feelings. I was able to sort out what was righteous anger and what was unjustified (pretty much). I decided that I would be OK if the marriage didn't make it. My husband wanted to try therapy with me and we went to couples counseling for a few years. This helped enormously.

I am no longer so negative and angry. He is no longer so arrogant. Our children remark on the changes in both of us. We're coming up on 37 years of marriage. The first few decades were very, very difficult, but we have been good for a long time now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

seekadvice said:


> Hello, I am new and am seeking advice. My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have known each other for 16 years. He has always traveled for work and I've been coping with it the best I can. Some days I am stronger than others. We have two healthy boys, ages 8 and almost 7. I am terrified that my negative feelings and resentment are sabotaging our marriage. We both love each other and he is a great husband and father. My negative feelings and emotions come out and I cant shut it off.


How much does your husband travel for work? How many days a month is he away?


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