# How to make a dump more inviting for kids after divorce?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

My wife and I recently divorced and she got the house. It is the house we built six years ago, is where the kids have lived most of their life, and is a really nice house.

I am currently living in our family farm house which was vacant before I recently moved in. The kids have been here before, but not to live. The house is old and everything is not modern like in the other house. It has one bedroom, which I let the daughter have for sleeping. My son and I sleep on a pull-out.

I have few bills here and I look at it as an opportunity to get back on my feet and build some financial security. I have a good job, so I'm sure that will happen at some point.

I know the house isn't as "cool" and inviting as what my kids are accustomed to, not as large, and my daughter sometimes seems to not want to spend as much time here, although she is doing much better; my son has always been fine with it. 

I'm sure just the "change" in general caused an adjustment period for the kids regardless of where I lived. Has anyone else has this issue? I wonder if it will just take some time?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

A large part of it is likely just that this is all new to them, it's all unfamiliar, and so they're not certain how things will go, or should go. 

As far as making the place more inviting, it really depends on how much money you can invest, how much work you're willing to invest, and if you're somewhat creative and artistically inclined. You could lay new carpet/tile, upgrade an outdated bathroom or kitchen, add on a room, paint the walls, get new furniture, upgrade electrical/phone/tv stuff to be more modern, etc. There's a lot you could do, if you can afford it. If you can't, then you just do the best you can with what you have.

Make sure the kids understand this is not permanent. Talk to them about your future plans. If you can, try to work out a timeframe for it all to happen, so that you can discuss with them some somewhat concrete plans. Talk to them about your progress toward said goals. Ask them what they'd like to see in terms of improving where you live now, and what their ideas are about whatever new place you get. 

Above all else, just give it a little time.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

atruckersgirl said:


> A large part of it is likely just that this is all new to them, it's all unfamiliar, and so they're not certain how things will go, or should go.
> 
> As far as making the place more inviting, it really depends on how much money you can invest, how much work you're willing to invest, and if you're somewhat creative and artistically inclined. You could lay new carpet/tile, upgrade an outdated bathroom or kitchen, add on a room, paint the walls, get new furniture, upgrade electrical/phone/tv stuff to be more modern, etc. There's a lot you could do, if you can afford it. If you can't, then you just do the best you can with what you have.
> 
> ...


thanks. I've put some of those into action. I don't plan to spend much money, but save up instead to spend on a better place in the future.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Oh nothing personal but this is easy. Let your daughter paint the bedroom a color she wants, put up stuff she wants, get a new comforter so she can "claim" the room as her own. This isnt to buy her off or pay for her love or anything, but right now your son probably views it as "camping" or an "adventure" whereas your daughter hasn't made it her own space yet. Soooo...let her have a little say and make that space HER space.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

hi--
ummm...xbox 360?? wii?? ha--ha....
but try ikea, they have nice stuff and it VERY affordable [not sayng anything about your money] and the kids can pick out things they like, and you can find beds for them.[so you dont have to sleep with kids]

painting it a good idea. try yard work, like flowers, or a play set thing...or a porch swing. but look in ikea, take the kids. you can make a day of it...that place is huge....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I like AffairCare's ideas. Also you say an old farmhouse, any country land with that? Some kids LOVE to explore nature. Any neighborhood kids their age who they can play with when they visit? 

Making "New" memories in this house, in the yard, neighborhood, these things will help break them in & want them to keep coming back, making it feel like "HOME". I think it has MUCH less to do with a newly remodled kitchen is or if too much paint is peeling from the outside. For kids anyway. 

Make some new memories, It is usually more about relationship that house structure.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

south---you could try home depot and lowes. they have a lot of do it your self home projects. and they teach classes on weekends for various things.

call your local cable company and get internet in a main room, and then go to bestbuy for routers through the house, that way you have wi-fi.

HGTV always has shows on fixing things.

BTW----a old farm house...lucky...i would rather live in a 100 year old house than a modern apt.

good luck on your new adventures...


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanks for all the ideas everyone. As for land, there is around 140 acres.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Whatever you do, do it WITH them, so it feels like their home, too. Take them shopping, get them to help you put the furniture together, paint together, plant a vegetable garden together (gives them a reason to come over - to see how things are growing).


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## bingofuel (Jan 27, 2011)

Some very good ideas here. I have some others. Indoor plants. There have been studies that confirm that having some greenery inside the home has many positive effects on people's mood. They tend to provide a "homier" more inviting atmosphere and other health benefits as well. Also, what ever you have, it's only a dump if you don't keep it clean. I also would LOVE an old farmhouse on that sized plot! Use that to your advantage. Some of my best memories as a child are ones from my grandparents plot in the country and all the outdoor activities they involved me in. I'm sure you can see the stars very well there. Set up a campsite and create an at home getaway! Buy some fireworks and set them off. Go fishing. The posibilities are many!

Good luck!
Bingo


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