# 3465 texts in one month...



## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

In addition to 1000 minutes of calling to one guy (her ex in HS) and she say's nothing is going on. What a bunch of BS.

Can I get her for adultery for this crap or does it have to be a physical act. (Not that I don't know that she hasn't but he lives about 100 miles away)

I transferred the phone to her name today. God I am so p!$$ed !

All this while we were supposedly "working on the marriage."


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I am truly sorry...I think the text/talking speaks for itself.


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

Do you or anyone else have any ideas so I can keep my cool? I am livid that whether it was physical or not it's still cheating. Especially since I was begging for her time and not getting it.

No guy calls or texts that much without some sex involved somehow or someway.

I really hate her now.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I think a guy would text or call that much if he thought it would eventually lead to sex - maybe they didn't get that far yet or she was just leading him on for the attention.

To calm down - just breathe. Realize that whatever happened - there's nothing you can do to make it go away. Take your time, give it some thought and try to make some kind of rational decision about how to move forward.

Go workout. Listen to music. Go for a drive. Go to a movie.

Its normal to be mad - just don't do anything you'll regret later.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I don't know where my last message went but if I was you I would call the other guy. 

When it comes to keeping calm the way I do it is that I know that if I lose it he will turn it around on me and it will be my fault then and I wont give him that power.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Calling the guy is reasonable. If he answers the phone, he'll probably just lie to you and tell you how they are just friends and there is nothing going on.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Actually for a little background on TryinHard: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/13562-what-mess.html


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

I called the OM early in my divorce. I asked him if he was married and he said yes. I asked him if he wanted to stay married and he said yes. All the while he's like who is this? I then told him who I was when I asked him to stay out of my family affairs. That was when his tone changed. He started bad mouthing me and I left it with "if you don't like what's happening in your life stop screwing around with mine".

It didn't change the outcome, but at least I called him on it early on. That did make me feel better in the short term.

As for how to cool down, I have used the gym as an outlet for venting my energy whenever I get an email from my stb-xw or something crappy happens with the kids while they are in her care. It works wonders - and you get healthier and build muscle to boot!

Oh, and my stb-xw had a few months with cell phone bills in the 500-600 range. Crazy.


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## withinbrandy (May 17, 2010)

Wait...just because she is texting a guy she used to date doesnt mean oh she is cheating...all it means is she is texting another guy. No its not right, but she might be wanting his advice.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

No, it might not but that is A LOT of text an almost absurd amount what did she do all day but text


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

Not much productive to calling the guy in my opinion. She's allowing it to happen anyway. She's not the victim of someone. All she has to do is not answer or hang up. Just like you said , he'll deny anything anyway.

At best it's an emotional affair which is still cheating in my book. If she gave half that amount of time to saving our marriage things would be a lot better I bet.

It's all on HER !


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Tryinhard said:


> At best it's an emotional affair which is still cheating in my book. If she gave half that amount of time to saving our marriage things would be a lot better I bet.


This was my situation last October. The EA turned into a PA very quickly after I discovered the texts and confronted my stb-xw. Be prepared. The decision to stray is 100% on the cheating spouse.


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

Did she deny anything "intimate" was happening? She claims that he and his wife who she also claims to know from High school, share this cell phone which I doubt of course. She even says she still loves me but she's leaning on this guy. Still doesn't make it right either way.

Does anyone know if this is considered adultery? I have the phone records but unfortunately you can't get the text content without a subpoena which may turn everything ugly. I just want it over quickly before I get hurt anymore.

The fact that she's talking to this guy (and supposedly his wife) instead of giving me any time or working on the marriage is bad enough.


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

So do you have any thoughts on how to deal with this? Please ??


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