# Married for 16 years and feelings have gone dead!



## Salvi83

Hi I'm salvi83, new on here... just wondering if anyone was going through this as well and if so any advice?


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## Lostinthought61

welcome and i am sorry you find yourself in this position. Could i ask you to expound on your circumstance?


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## frenchpaddy

why do you think you no longer in love with your husband or wife , 
is it you or him or the 2 of you


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## Salvi83

I have found myself arguing over the same thing over and over and over. I keep forgiving and always end up being played as a fool. We have done therapy individually but not as a couple and now that I done he is all for it.


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## BigDaddyNY

Salvi83 said:


> I have found myself arguing over the same thing over and over and over. I keep forgiving and always end up being played as a fool. We have done therapy individually but not as a couple and now that I done he is all for it.


Of course, he never saw any consequences before. 

Can you elaborate on what you've been arguing about? Do you have kids? Any infidelity?


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## Salvi83

frenchpaddy said:


> why do you think you no longer in love with your husband or wife ,
> is it you or him or the 2 of you


 We both have fallen apart but me more cause I have reached the point of enough is enough. I am a heard working mom and I do everything and bring everything to the table also am the first to comprised but get Nothing in return


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## Salvi83

BigDaddyNY said:


> Of course, he never saw any consequences before.
> 
> Can you elaborate on what you've been arguing about? Do you have kids? Any infidelity?


So in 2014 I had our second child and she was born with an illness that had me stay home for two years but even tho I still managed with my savings to provide. To make a long story short, l started to work after two years and became a workaholic, I made sure everything was done we had fabulous vacation and I thought everything was great but I noticed that I always caught him with webcam porn, always with some stupid ****... also with underwear that didn't belong to me that women from his job would give to him. He was on social media like crazy and on onlyfans paying and that's when it really hit me that he will never change, I have been trying my best and giving it my all for nothing.


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## re16

Salvi83 said:


> also with underwear that didn't belong to me that women from his job would give to him


Is that what he told you about where they came from? Are you serious that you believe that?


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## Evinrude58

Lol coworkers gave him panties.,…. Ok, I’ve heard it all. Panties in the back seat…… oh, a coworker gave me those….. totally plausible.


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## Salvi83

Of course not I did not believe him. Till this day I still don't believe him. He told me it was a 3 month flirting and the stupid girl liked him. And she would leave **** in his bag.


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## Evinrude58

Yeah, time to dump


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## Anastasia6

@Salvi83 of course your feelings have gone dead. Time to drop the dead weight. It doesn't sound like he brings anything to the table except for possible STD's.


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## Salvi83

Now that I'm ready to walk away. He is now ready to work on the marriage lol. Now he wants to take time to talk things out time to be open exc..... and I really don't want to hear it....


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## Salvi83

Anastasia6 said:


> @Salvi83 of course your feelings have gone dead. Time to drop the dead weight. It doesn't sound like he brings anything to the table except for possible STD's.


Lol I use to think that **** too, was scared but I got tested and he got offended 🤣


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## BigDaddyNY

Salvi83 said:


> Now that I'm ready to walk away. He is now ready to work on the marriage lol. Now he wants to take time to talk things out time to be open exc..... and I really don't want to hear it....


Now, but not when women were leaving panties with him after he banged them. Be strong and keep walking.


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## Salvi83

BigDaddyNY said:


> Now, but not when women were leaving panties with him after he banged them. Be strong and keep walking.


That happened 11 years ago my first child was 4 years old.


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## Salvi83

Salvi83 said:


> That happened 11 years ago my first child was 4 years old.


When that happen we split for 3 months I felt bad for my daughter. It's always the kids we fall back and feel bad for. So I went back. I should of never gone back... I should of just stayed alone...


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## frenchpaddy

Salvi83 said:


> am the first to comprised but get Nothing in return


this is not good for you or him you are teaching him how to be bad and kicking yourself in the head at the same time


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## re16

Salvi83 said:


> When that happen we split for 3 months I felt bad for my daughter. It's always the kids we fall back and feel bad for. So I went back. I should of never gone back... I should of just stayed alone...


This is a no brainer... time to do what you should have done long ago.


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## Salvi83

frenchpaddy said:


> this is not good for you or him you are teaching him how to be bad and kicking yourself in the head at the same time


True!


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## Lotsofheart73

Sorry to hear of your situation. He’s just scared now. Unlikely to change. Plus you need to think about your children. You do not want them to grow thinking all this craziness is acceptable. And they may be on the younger end now but can you imagine being a young teen and hearing your parents arguing in the bedroom about some ladies panties?? Even if you try to keep the nonsense from the kids, they usually figure out/sense something is wrong. And unfortunately many walk right in on all kinds of crap.


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## Lotsofheart73

I see I missed that the children are older teens now. Still, I just don’t see putting up with this behavior.


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## frenchpaddy

Salvi83 said:


> We have done therapy individually but not as a couple and now that I done he is all for it.


I think one with out the other is like expecting to build a house without any foundations 


Salvi83 said:


> t I always caught him with webcam porn, always with some stupid ****... also with underwear that didn't belong to me that women from his job would give to him. He was on social media like crazy and on onlyfans paying and that's when it really hit me that he will never change,


 this is not good , to me it looks as if he has cheated and the type crap he is into is cheating any way 


Salvi83 said:


> Now that I'm ready to walk away. He is now ready to work on the marriage lol. Now he wants to take time to talk things out time to be open exc..... and I really don't want to hear it....


like a guy on drugs saying he will stop for you , in my eye


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## RebuildingMe

Seems that, for whatever reason, you are afraid to leave. He cheated 11 years ago and it seems that you just rugswept it. You let him off the hook, you going to let him off the hook again?


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## Salvi83

Back then yes, I did. Now no I'm out. I'm feel stronger and actually feel free if that's makes sense lol... my kids know that we are going through something and yes it's not good for them to see that it's ok to be treated that way.


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## frenchpaddy

the ladies knickers did he say how he got them or did i miss that post some men buy used panties off the net some men buy their own and ware them , how often a woman has sex with a man and he gets to keep her undies for keeps I have no idea ,


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## *Deidre*

He's not ready to work on the marriage, he just doesn't want to divorce you, because you provide a nice life for him. 

Paying for OnlyFans and has other women's underwear? Gross. I give you permission to be done, OP. 😅


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## Beach123

Salvi83 said:


> We both have fallen apart but me more cause I have reached the point of enough is enough. I am a heard working mom and I do everything and bring everything to the table also am the first to comprised but get Nothing in return


sorry to hear this. Does he earn money for the family?
Has either one had an affair? Interest in another person outside the marriage?


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## Openminded

Your feelings didn’t just die — he killed then. Yes, you got played but as long as you look forward and move on it’s a win for you. Of course, he wants to fix it now that he knows you’re serious because he never intended to get a divorce. The answer is no to a reset. Just no.


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## RebuildingMe

Beach123 said:


> sorry to hear this. Does he earn money for the family?
> Has either one had an affair? Interest in another person outside the marriage?


OP’s husband brought home the panties of a coworker, so there’s that.


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## Cynthia

You don't have to feel guilty about leaving a man who left your marriage years ago.


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## DownByTheRiver

Salvi83 said:


> Now that I'm ready to walk away. He is now ready to work on the marriage lol. Now he wants to take time to talk things out time to be open exc..... and I really don't want to hear it....


Then don't. If you keep him after knowing all this, he will KNOW he can keep doing it and you'll still keep him. He won't reform.


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## Jimi007

Live with it...Or get rid of it...


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