# Need help



## Faith20

This is my story. I-am 39 years old woman with 0 kids I have been married to my husband for 14 years. Little about myself I came from a family with a strong cultural background where divorce is not acceptable and your liberal a failure if you divorce your husband and being afraid of your family disowning you , you end up staying. 


In 2012 I found out the Second time that my husband has been having an affair with the same woman I cried and asked him what was the problem what was I not doing right he said nothing that I should forgive him which I did. 

I have always worked 2 job because he does not hold a job for long. In 2013 I paid off his car note $6000. Paid off all his credit card so we could be able to buy a house . 

We ended up buying a house in 2013 short time after that I found out his cheating again he had a different number I was able to read all the text message I will Heart broken disappointed And confuse He cried and asked me to forgive him one more time that he promises never to do it again while everyone told me to leave him I decided to forgive him give her one more chance then he lost his job .

I had to work 18 to 20 hours everyday to make sure The mortgage was paid and the bills was paid and his car note was paid of which I told him do not buy another car or get into a note again . 


I paid all the bills for 16 months finally he got a job and started helping paying only the Mortgage and his car note which was fine by me . 

I paid the rest of the bills that had been the way we have been leaving. It’s been 4 years since my husband has touched me yes 4 years. He said he has ED problem but still cheat so I’m lost too. We don’t touch or kiss each other anymore . 

I have grown to not want the feeling of a man anymore I just work and sleep. 

August 2019 I found out he was at it again this time my coworker sent me a picture of my husband with his girlfriend out eating while I was working. 3 days later another friend called me and told me she just saw my husband with a woman at the hospital where she works and she walked up to him and asked him how his wife was doing and said few minutes later my husband left and she was able to talk to the lady who said she was a friend of the family but my friend she to her I don’t know you I know everyone in his family ..

I was heartbroken again this time I called him and sat him down and we talked . He said we should be roommates and divide the bills I cried but then I know I had to move on I can’t fix it working and paying all the bills will not change anything.

I said he should move out he said okay he wants to ask his girlfriend if he should move that I should give him few days to think .

Few day felt like forever so after 2 days I asked him if he has talked to his girlfriend he said no she’s busy that I’m disturbing him and that I should let him be . I was surprised at who was talking I did not believe that was my husband . 

I made up my mind not to ask him again I work come home still cook and cry myself to bed .. one day I woke up I called him and I cursed him and I said when you had nothing no money I was there now your making good money you don’t need me anymore I was just am atm to you and I said he will need me again one day .. 

Few weeks later he lost his job came home and told me he wants his family back his going to call his gf and brake up with her . Now I’m asking I’m I crazy ??

I do not believe him I do not trust him he only wants me to help with his bill.. which I have been so stupid to have paid all the bills again since November 2019. And I have given him $ 600.

I use to pay for his medication 680 a month on top of all the bills . Fast forward he got a another job last week and already his buying lunch for yet another woman .. this time I had to pay someone to follow him and get pictures of him going in and out of her house . 

I have also seen him with her more then 3 time. I need help I’m lost I’m confused and so hurt. Right now I’m not thinking straight I have no one to talk to, my family will never understand so it’s pointless trying to talk to them .. 

I need help I don’t know what to do I’m scared because the last few days I have been feeling like a failure . I really need someone to explain to me what I did wrong . 

I will be 40 in few days with 0 kids and I am 5 ft 9 and 181 lb and good looking what I guess I am a failure after all


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## MattMatt

Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

He needs to have his worthless self fired from your life.


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## Arkansas

Faith20 - what is he contributing to your marriage ? serious question - think hard about it


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## Tilted 1

Your 40 yrs old, quit thinking of your family and putting them over yourself. Nothing will prepare them for this, and it's as if because they believe marriage should not be broken is why they are only fooling themselves, despite them hanging together still. It time to be the adult and move away from the tragic marriage. Give him his walking papers next week no more excuses for staying. 

You already know you will be happier without him. Now just make it happen.


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## Tilted 1

Faith20 said:


> I will be 40 in few days with 0 kids and I am 5 ft 9 and 181 lb and good looking what I guess I am a failure after all


What are you thinking that everyone wants a size 2 woman, you sound fantastic. And your only fail if you don't change it dump the ass!!


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## Spicy

A man who will love you, adore you, cherish you, appreciate you and blow your mind in bed is out there waiting for you. File for divorce so you don’t make him wait anymore.


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## Yeswecan

Faith20 said:


> This is my story. I-am 39 years old woman with 0 kids I have been married to my husband for 14 years. Little about myself I came from a family with a strong cultural background where divorce is not acceptable and your liberal a failure if you divorce your husband and being afraid of your family disowning you , you end up staying.


But one should not be treated like a doormat. Your family may be upset with you but they really do not know what a miserable H you have. Not to mention miserable life. If you family loves your H so much they can have him. Divorce him. Screw labels.


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## Tron

Kick him to the curb! He is an anchor around your neck.

Filing for divorce is only memorializing in writing what already happened to your marriage many years ago.


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## jlg07

He is manipulating you using your cultural ideologies against you. I hope you can see that.
PLEASE get to a lawyer ASAP -- get all your financial records together.
DO NOT let him come back.

Seriously, if your family can't understand that he needs to be gone from your life, THEY don't love and respect YOU enough. 
VERY sorry you are in this situation.

Give yourself a 40th Bday present -- tell him to get lost.


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## uhtred

Some day you will realize just how young 40 is, and you will want to take take a time machine back to know and slap yourself upside the head for feeling old. As you get older you will also gradually realize that the world is full of really nice people, and there is no reason at all to stay with someone who treats you badly. 

Your BMI shows you slightly overweight. Its up to you if you want to lose weight *FOR YOU* , but you are nowhere near obese, and don't need to lose for anyone else. 

You do not need to put up with a cheating guy who leaches off of you. 





Faith20 said:


> snip
> 
> I will be 40 in few days with 0 kids and I am 5 ft 9 and 181 lb and good looking what I guess I am a failure after all


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## Spicy

Do you/did you want children?


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## TJW

See an attorney familiar with divorce in your locale before you make any moves. The partner who has shouldered the financial responsibility usually gets screwed into continuing support. This guy deserves NOTHING from you. Make sure your lawyer will pull out all the stops and get you a settlement in which you can be free.


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## Openminded

Zombie.


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