# I never thought this would be my life.



## gemini2502 (Jan 12, 2011)

I am 30, Married 7 years with 1 child. 

We were always the happy couple, never going to get divorced or do those terrible things that other couples did to each other. We had what I though was a healthy marriage. 

After 4 years of struggling with infertility we finally had our child. 

After our child was born and I went back to work things changed... at first the problem was that my husband resented me for "making" him have this child that cramped his lifestyle. Even though I made it very clear from our first date what I wanted in life, and what my intentions were. After that he apologized for that agonizing few months of torturing me with his anger and said he loved our child and was ecstatic to be a father. 

But then he started telling me that I was lazy, and selfish, and never did anything around the house. In truth his issue was I never did the things he wanted done around the house. 

During this time he lost a very large amount of weight and for once in our relationship he weighs less than I do. So now he hounds me about my weight. (I am going to the gym 3 times a week and trying to change my lifestyle so that I can lose weight as well) and on top of that tells me how lazy I am, and when I say I'm tired or not feeling motivated he tells me our child should be the only motivation I need. He talks down to me, and makes me feel like a failure because losing weight has not been as easy for me as it has been for him.

When I tell him I don't like the way he is speaking to me or treating me he responds that I "make him" treat me that way. When I stand up for myself I'm "overreacting" or "too sensitive"... I'm honestly just lost. My counselor says that he is Psychologically and Verbally abusive. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with that. In the end I'm starting to except that it is true. I don't even know where I'm going from here or where to post this. I'm so lost right now.


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## gemini2502 (Jan 12, 2011)

Sigh... I found a post of mine on here from almost exactly a year ago... this is almost a carbon copy of it. I suppose things aren't changing much.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Things probably have not changed much then. That is reason why I keep a journal, to see my personal growth.

You need to do something to break the cycle, and you need to work on yourself and when your not afraid to lose a relationship, that is when the cycle will probably end. When talking fails, there is only action left, and it will take a lot more strength to act than it does to talk. Unless you reach some critical point where you are simply too detach to care. As your relationship weakens, so will your love for him. Love isn't some magical feelings, it is a hormonal system, and if it is not rewarded enough, the love simply withers.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old is your child?


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## gemini2502 (Jan 12, 2011)

2


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Tell him to **** off.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

gemini2502 said:


> I am 30, Married 7 years with 1 child.
> 
> We were always the happy couple, never going to get divorced or do those terrible things that other couples did to each other. We had what I though was a healthy marriage.
> 
> ...


Your counselor is correct.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

DH is resentful and his disrespectful behavior is abusive. It will continue until you have the strength to create an appropriate consequence for his disrespect. On TAM you will read, "We train people how to treat us".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Op, 

To predict future behavior, all one has to do is look back and you'll see it yourself, UNLESS you make change. So very hard to do, believe me I know. 

~sammy


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## bratssm (Jan 27, 2015)

This is my first time on this site. I can't believe the advice people give on here. You are an amazing person who birthed a human being! Your body is going through trauma, and your husband is making it worse. Good for him that he didn't gain any weight from a baby and doesn't have hormones making him fat. You don't owe him anything! In the bedroom or in your appearance. Get your self to counseling, get a girlfriend to talk to something. 
You don't deserve to put up with any of his ****. If he isn't happy that is his own problem, many men would be lucky to have you and a child. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his child and for making you unhappy. You should take as long as you want to get back to your healthy self. You can't do that if you feel bad about yourself. Having kids is stressful period. He isn't going to make it better by calling you names. He needs to tell you that you are beautiful get a sitter and take you on a date! He should be helping you out around the house and not complaining. 
He needs to take responsibility for his own actions and feelings, nobody else can make him feel how he does or say what he does to you, but him! 
That is abuse. I'm glad you know that. He wants to control you and tell you how to think and feel. The only way to fix that is to know about it and not let him do it. Start talking back even if it is in your head. Say things like I can't make you feel angry. Take responsibility for how you feel and what you say. I'd start having an emotional affair and start seeking opinions from other men to see how men could treat you and how they treat their wives. Don't put up with that bull ****. Look up gaslighting and see if he is doing that. Because my husband does that to me. I found and boy is he in trouble. I stop that by telling him that I know what he is doing and I'm going to stand up for myself. He gets angry, I don't respond. I'm not playing that game. He is angry because he can't control me and try to get me to be confused and feel crazy.
You are a beautiful woman and mother and we don't need to let men treat us like this!


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## daisybush (Jan 16, 2015)

I think your husband is really suffering from some mental problem, better you should quit now, for you and your child future.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

bratssm said:


> This is my first time on this site. *I can't believe the advice people give on here.* You are an amazing person who birthed a human being! Your body is going through trauma, and your husband is making it worse. Good for him that he didn't gain any weight from a baby and doesn't have hormones making him fat. You don't owe him anything! In the bedroom or in your appearance. Get your self to counseling, get a girlfriend to talk to something.
> You don't deserve to put up with any of his ****. If he isn't happy that is his own problem, many men would be lucky to have you and a child. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his child and for making you unhappy. You should take as long as you want to get back to your healthy self. You can't do that if you feel bad about yourself. Having kids is stressful period. He isn't going to make it better by calling you names. He needs to tell you that you are beautiful get a sitter and take you on a date! He should be helping you out around the house and not complaining.
> He needs to take responsibility for his own actions and feelings, nobody else can make him feel how he does or say what he does to you, but him!
> That is abuse. I'm glad you know that. He wants to control you and tell you how to think and feel. The only way to fix that is to know about it and not let him do it. Start talking back even if it is in your head. Say things like I can't make you feel angry. Take responsibility for how you feel and what you say. I'd start having an emotional affair and start seeking opinions from other men to see how men could treat you and how they treat their wives. Don't put up with that bull ****. Look up gaslighting and see if he is doing that. Because my husband does that to me. I found and boy is he in trouble. I stop that by telling him that I know what he is doing and I'm going to stand up for myself. He gets angry, I don't respond. I'm not playing that game. He is angry because he can't control me and try to get me to be confused and feel crazy.
> You are a beautiful woman and mother and we don't need to let men treat us like this!


I took that as a negative, sorry our advice does not live up to your billing. I digress, no need to hijack the thread anymore.

OP, You have had a year since your last post. What are you doing to change your situation? Marriage Counseling? What kind of talks have you had with him? What approach have you taken?

It's great you are in IC, how long and what have you learned from that?


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