# I think I'm finally throwing the towel in



## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

For sake that my soon to be ex may come here I will introduce myself as "icbw".

I've been a long time lurker absorbing A LOT of advice from fellow members here and need the support of everyone here more than I thought I ever would. I'm really sorry for the long post, but here's my story; I'm 29 and my Wife is 31 and we have had no sex or intimacy in the last 2-3 months. Before we were married sex was 2-3 times per week, sometimes multiple times per day. BJ's, HJ's, and makeout sessions were the norm. After she got the ring on the finger that went away. It started our wedding night actually, she started her period and we didn't consummate the marriage for about 4 months. We have talked, went to marriage counseling, and argued over this time and time again. She always says she will try to be more intimate and she would always say "well I was going to come at you for sex tonight, but you brought this up...." Yet another way to get out of it. She uses headaches, stress, taking care of her parents, just not in the mood, sometime she ate didn't settle well, etc. You name it, she has said it.

The latest discussion about 1 week ago was that I'm not supportive enough to her. I am a Network Architect and work 10-12 hours per day but do have weekends off. I am on call 24/7 for 1 solid week every 8 weeks (sorry if that's confusion, lol). I bring home over 6 figures per year, hired someone for yard work since I don't have time and she doesn't like to do it and has a bad back so I didn't want to ask her to do that. She hates cleaning, so I hired a maid to clean the house. She essentially made it clear that she wants me to takeover the remainder of the housework (what little there is) since she is taking care of her parents who really need to be in a retirement home (not trying to be mean). I immediately changed and started doing more like she asked that following day. Here we are 1 week later and she said that it's only been 1 week, she needs time to adjust to the changes. I told her that I'm giving it 1 month and we are either opening the marriage or I'm filing for divorce. I went and spoke with an attorney and he believes that I would only end up paying spousal support if needed. She has a 4 year degree but only makes 23k per year. She had an EA at her current job about 3 years ago and she refuses to leave even though everything is "over" with this other guy. She told me he went to another location to work but never told me he came back to work there. I found out myself from a friend that also works there. I'm 99% sure she will not leave because of him but I cannot find any evidence of anything going on any longer. She complains about how much she makes but will not find another job that makes more. I'm done feeling like this and will NOT continue feeling this way as I just turned 29 and want to enter my 30's with a clean slate.

Sorry for the long first post but thanks for reading and any thoughts you might have.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

She had an EA and she doesn't seem to be remorseful at all nor interested in helping the marriage recover from her affair, yet you are still married to her. What is wrong with this picture?


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

Dogbert said:


> She had an EA and she doesn't seem to be remorseful at all nor interested in helping the marriage recover from her affair, yet you are still married to her. What is wrong with this picture?


I've been extremely stupid and stayed with her. I spoke with an attorney and have the questionnaire needed to get things rolling. I have another appointment setup next week with another attorney. I'm "shopping around" right now to get the best one I can. Her Aunt has connections with attorneys in this entire area which makes me nervous and makes me want to be careful in my selection even more so. As stupid as it sounds, I still love her but can't keep living like this.

Not to mention she has tried to tell me I keep punishing her by bringing up things from the past regardless of how many times I told her I need to talk to it to get over it. She told me to just move on and quit doing that to her. She said just the other day when we were talking that she isn't doing this to me. I told her that she DID it to me and that I'm not even close to over it since she will not let me heal.

It actually feels great to think about being single and out of this toxic marriage. I've started going to the gym about 1 month ago after not going for about 1 year. I feel absolutely great and my confidence is sky high. Women are noticing me and it feels great! I'm not going to do anything until we are divorced, but got it's amazing to feel confident in myself and get the attention I do from women again.


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

Co-dependent nice guys love the Computer Sciences? Seriously though, You can change a lot in your marriage & life but you have to change a lot in you first. Is that what you want? 

Cheers,
V(13)


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

Voltaire2013 said:


> Co-dependent nice guys love the Computer Sciences? Seriously though, You can change a lot in your marriage & life but you have to change a lot in you first. Is that what you want?
> 
> Cheers,
> V(13)


Sorry V, I'm not understanding what your saying.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Go to:

*Men's Divorce*
*Dads divorce*


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

itcouldbeworse said:


> For sake that my soon to be ex may come here I will introduce myself as "icbw".
> 
> I've been a long time lurker absorbing A LOT of advice from fellow members here and need the support of everyone here more than I thought I ever would. I'm really sorry for the long post, but here's my story; I'm 29 and my Wife is 31 and we have had no sex or intimacy in the last 2-3 months. Before we were married sex was 2-3 times per week, sometimes multiple times per day. BJ's, HJ's, and makeout sessions were the norm. After she got the ring on the finger that went away. It started our wedding night actually, she started her period and we didn't consummate the marriage for about 4 months. We have talked, went to marriage counseling, and argued over this time and time again. She always says she will try to be more intimate and she would always say "well I was going to come at you for sex tonight, but you brought this up...." Yet another way to get out of it. She uses headaches, stress, taking care of her parents, just not in the mood, sometime she ate didn't settle well, etc. You name it, she has said it.
> 
> ...


Not sure whether or not you're actually looking for advice w/ respect to your situation, but, if so, I hereby offer this...

File for divorce tomorrow morning.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

DIVORCE. What the heck are you waiting for?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

I guess I just kept hoping that she would change like she said she would, but at this point I'm pretty sure she has lost all respect for me and thinks I'm gutless and will not leave her since I have not to this point and keep putting up with her crap. Did I hit the nail on the head?

I've got 1 more attorney to meet with next week and then I will know how I'm filing with at that point. Like I said, I want to make sure I have the best one in the area since her Aunt has connections with Attorneys and judges. I just want to make sure I am not screwed over in this situation. Michigan is a no fault state so the affair, be it physical or emotion will have no impact on the divorce, even if that is part of the reason for the split up....


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Good. Follow through on everything you have just said. File, serve her with papers, and move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

In the meantime, educate yourself as much as possible with regards to your State's divorce laws to make sure that your attorney will be doing his job. And if she earns more than you, go for spousal support.


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Good. Follow through on everything you have just said. File, serve her with papers, and move on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I plan on it, I just have a bad feeling she will end up getting the house, all contents with me paying the mortgage, and also spousal support......


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

Dogbert said:


> In the meantime, educate yourself as much as possible with regards to your State's divorce laws to make sure that your attorney will be doing his job. And if she earns more than you, go for spousal support.


As stated above she only makes about 23k per year, refuses to get a better job, and I make 6 figures. I'm thinking she will most likely get everything. She would have to move in with her parents otherwise or a friend since she has debt up to her eyeballs and can't support herself at all....


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Do you have children together? If not then she sounds like a princess. She needs to put you first, not her parents. She may be ok with the divorce as she sounds like she isn't into you anyway. She keeps making excuses not to be intimate with you. I'm sure both of you would be happier divorced.


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

Happilymarried25 said:


> Do you have children together? If not then she sounds like a princess. She needs to put you first, not her parents. She may be ok with the divorce as she sounds like she isn't into you anyway. She keeps making excuses not to be intimate with you. I'm sure both of you would be happier divorced.


No children thank god. She's indipendant and doesn't like to ask for help. She goes over to her parents almost every night after work until around 7-8 to take care of them, grocery shop, basically acting as a Wife for her Dad since her Mother is not mentally able to be there for him. She does their budget and everything while I'm the one that takes care of that. Thankfully we don't share any debt or bank accounts at all. She's not even on the house....

Do any of you have any opinion on how it would stand based on her income and mine? Would you say that my gut is right and she would most likely walk away with everything?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

itcouldbeworse said:


> I plan on it, I just have a bad feeling she will end up getting the house, all contents with me paying the mortgage, and also spousal support......


Nope. She only gets the house if the assets divide out such that she can keep it. In other words, the equity in the house gets divided... you are under no obligation from the court (assuming you are in a no-fault state) to be forced to pay for her to stay there. She can buy out your half, but on $23,000 a year it's doubtful she can afford it.

Likewise, the contents in the house get divided up according to valuation.

The likely scenario is the house will have to be sold and the equity divided (unless YOU can afford it and want to keep it); all savings and 401-K will be split 50-50; depending on the length of your marriage you will have SOME spousal support for a set number of years (there is a formula); joint custody will be split 50-50 with one parent designated as the primary custodian and you WILL have child support (again, a formula) if she is the primary custodian.

See a lawyer. Your legal facts are wrong.

She is a cheater, a withholder of affection, why are you staying?


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Nope. She only gets the house if the assets divide out such that she can keep it. In other words, the equity in the house gets divided... you are under no obligation from the court (assuming you are in a no-fault state) to be forced to pay for her to stay there. She can buy out your half, but on $23,000 a year it's doubtful she can afford it.
> 
> Likewise, the contents in the house get divided up according to valuation.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the info and thoughts. Like I said, no children and I would like to keep the house which I can easily afford. It only has about $4000 equity since it was recently purchased. I could care less about the contents as I would like start fresh as it is. The only contents I want to keep are work items which aren't ours and I would be able to keep anyway.

That's why I'm going to see a 3rd attorney next week before I decide who I will file with. 1 attorney told me I would probably end up losing just about everything, the second attorney told me that I would most likely be able to keep just about everything and end up paying spousal support for 6 months to maybe 1 year at the most based on his formula (I was a level 5). This third attorney is apparently supposed to be the best in the area so I will know next Friday who I will be filing with.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

No kids makes this a no-brainer. If you have to pay alimony, so be it. You can't put a price on your own happiness.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

itcouldbeworse said:


> I plan on it, I just have a bad feeling she will end up getting the house, all contents with me paying the mortgage, and also spousal support......



You're young and make 6 figures. You'll recover.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

itcouldbeworse said:


> Thank you for the info and thoughts. Like I said, no children and I would like to keep the house which I can easily afford. It only has about $4000 equity since it was recently purchased. I could care less about the contents as I would like start fresh as it is. The only contents I want to keep are work items which aren't ours and I would be able to keep anyway.
> 
> That's why I'm going to see a 3rd attorney next week before I decide who I will file with. 1 attorney told me I would probably end up losing just about everything, the second attorney told me that I would most likely be able to keep just about everything and end up paying spousal support for 6 months to maybe 1 year at the most based on his formula (I was a level 5). This third attorney is apparently supposed to be the best in the area so I will know next Friday who I will be filing with.


Okay, so this is a fairly short marriage?

If the home has so little equity, it is actually better for her if you keep it. Selling the home would put you upside down due to the cost of doing so. Just to be safe, you can get a comp done by a realtor to get an idea where you stand.

Make sure you get an attorney that is efficient with your money. I had a good one that would fight when necessary but also was real about what was not worth the effort. Some will do whatever you want and run up the bill in the process - avoid them.

Were I in your situation (no kids, short marriage) I would strongly consider making an settlement offer up front. Going to court is very expensive (think thousands per day potentially, if you have to wait a long time to be heard) and disruptive. Even going through the trouble of splitting your retirement accounts, tax consequences of selling investments, etc. is a hassle. If the value of what you would owe her is high, just cash her out if you can.


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Are you going to tell her beforehand that you are filing for D?

Did her family know about her EA? If so, what was their reaction? 

I would keep the D proceedings hush-hush until you have her served. Getting handed that petition in front of her coworkers might just wake her up. You can always dismiss the petition later if she grows up and starts acting remorseful and starts working on the marriage. 

But IMO, she's entitled and she's lazy. She wasn't good wife material when you met her, and even if she gives R a try now, I doubt she has the fortitude and will to help you rebuild the marriage. I'd go through with the divorce and find someone new who actually wants to be married.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*IMHO, your wife's "EA" is probably only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Like me, you've basically given her carte blanche by not properly having had the time to fully investigate what she's been extracurricularly doing. Greatly behind your back ~ out of sight, out of mind!

Expedite the divorce! You're been played for a fool!

*


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## delupt (Dec 1, 2014)

You're a lucky fella ICBW, your nightmare was short and you'll be free soon. 

You got hooked into the 'Nigerian Princess Scam' where what seemed like an attractive investment keeps hitting problems that you need to fix/pay extra in order to move forward; an entitled lazy princess takes and takes while blaming her inadequacies on you, but asking you to invest just a little more, then a little more, ...

You've wised up early, no kids to prolong the agony, get gone, mate.


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

Thanks everyone and sorry I didn't reply last night. I had to do some late night work and was exhausted afterwards.

I do not plan on telling her that I plan on filing for D, I plan on letting the papers do that once she is served. When we spoke and I said that we either open up the marriage or I file for D she said: I will not stay around if you want to sleep with other women". There was a sense of her calling me out on and assuming I'm bluffing. I'm sure she will completely break down once she is served though, I'm also 100% certain that any changes she tries to show or put forward during this time are going to be nothing more than a facsimile.

That's exactly how I feel arbitrator, I feel like a food and I feel that whenever she looks at me she sees a pet that she can manipulate any way she wants to.

Unfortunately no, when the EA happened I did not tell anyone about it. I was far to crushed to bring it up to anyone and completely embarrassed..... Naturally I was made out to be a total a$$ho1e to everyone during that time too.

I have told my family and some of our close friends as of lately but am unsure of how to bring it up with her family..

Thank you all for your support!


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Finally someone in this forum with the guts to pull the trigger and put a dying marriage out of its misery.

Do *The 180 degree rules* for emotional detachment.


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

Dogbert said:


> Finally someone in this forum with the guts to pull the trigger and put a dying marriage out of its misery.
> 
> Do *The 180 degree rules* for emotional detachment.


Already started on the 180. :smthumbup:

It's been a bit hard since for some reason I DO still love her, but I don't love her enough to suffer for the rest of my life. Not to mention my friends are there for me and the attention I'm getting from women since I started losing weight and gaining muscle helps too! I had no idea the difference it would make getting back out there and enjoying life, getting into shape, and just living without her.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

itcouldbeworse said:


> As stated above she only makes about 23k per year, refuses to get a better job, and I make 6 figures. I'm thinking she will most likely get everything. She would have to move in with her parents otherwise or a friend since she has debt up to her eyeballs and can't support herself at all....


You could give her everything and walk away ok. Your income will provide nicely for you, and you are quite young still. While I would not just roll over and give it all away to her, I would keep my eye on the goal which is to get out of the marriage quickly and with as little drama as possible.

Research alimony in your state. You haven't been married long enough for it to be permanent alimony in any state I know of (but I am no kind of expert). You might be on the hook for as many years as you've been married but I would be shocked if it is more than that. Plus alimony ends if she remarries.

It is all a business negotiation, so start with a hard line and trade off to get what you want. e.g. start at 50/50 on all the assets but no alimony. If she has a legal entitlement to alimony, offer her a buy out.

You should not be forced to pay for the mortgage for her to stay in that house with no kids. Her parents are not you responsibility. So if she stays, it is up to her to find a way to pay a mortgage.


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

I think I've got it all down. Based on my research and what Attorney "B" said here's what would most likely happen based on all of the facts, income, length of marriage, no kids, etc.

It would make most sense for me to keep the house as there is barely any equity "I'm talking maybe $4000 since it was purchased recently".

I'm thinking at the very worst I would be on the hook for spousal support for $300-$400 per month for a year at most, but the Attorney stated he would say most likely in the span of around 6 months. He doesn't see this taking more than maybe 3 months to complete as long as we an agree on things, and there isn't much there really. All debt is separate, she's not on any of my accounts, and I am not on any of her accounts. I would be perfectly fine with her having all contents of the house EXCEPT my server room which was built for work. I would rather start new anyway. Seems pretty cut and dry.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Be prepared for her to throw a bunch of sex your way in an attempt to maintain her situation.


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## Stillasamountain (Jan 13, 2014)

itcouldbeworse said:


> Already started on the 180. :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> It's been a bit hard since for some reason I DO still love her, but I don't love her enough to suffer for the rest of my life. Not to mention my friends are there for me and the attention I'm getting from women since I started losing weight and gaining muscle helps too! I had no idea the difference it would make getting back out there and enjoying life, getting into shape, and just living without her.



This is a far more squared away attitude than the typical guy in your position. You're honest about your feelings for her, yet logical about her shortcomings and the chances of any significant changes down the road.

Kudos. Keep moving forward.


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

Stillasamountain said:


> This is a far more squared away attitude than the typical guy in your position. You're honest about your feelings for her, yet logical about her shortcomings and the chances of any significant changes down the road.
> 
> Kudos. Keep moving forward.


Thank you! It's getting easier, and next week I'll know which attorney I'm filing with. I really cannot wait to have this all behind me.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

All I'm going to add is that it's not going to get any cheaper if you put it off. Right now it's going to cost what it costs so pay it; as my dad told me during my divorce it's the price of getting your life back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

So, she is overwhelmed with family responsibilities and you are not getting laid enough so you threaten her with divorce?

You make more money then her and work at a "job" more then her, so she is expected to give in to your sexual desires when you want even though she has a lot more on her plate and even though she has asked you for more support, it is all about you? 

Do HER A favour and get that divorce. If you cannot support her emotionally during difficult times, no wonder she wont **** you. I sure as hell wouldn't. You sound selfish. 
I hope she comes here for support so we can get her side of the story because you sound like a real ass that she will be better off without.


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## Stillasamountain (Jan 13, 2014)

lovesmanis said:


> So, she is overwhelmed with family responsibilities and you are not getting laid enough so you threaten her with divorce?
> 
> Do HER A favour and get that divorce. If you cannot support her emotionally during difficult times, no wonder she wont **** you.



Did you miss the part about not consummating the marriage for 4 months!? This is an obvious bait and switch and a marriage in name only.

Additionally, he works 12 hour days, hired a maid to help AND picked up the choreplay slack when she told him that's what she needed. Result? No change to the trickle sex.

Oh, and she CHEATED on him!

Pfft. I think he's on solid moral ground here.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

lovesmanis said:


> Do HER A favour and get that divorce. If you cannot support her emotionally during difficult times, no wonder she wont **** you. I sure as hell wouldn't. You sound selfish.


So you've had an emotional affair and you've not severed the connection with the other man and you've not been honest with your husband about it. You're living in a nice house with a lawn service taking care of the outside; a maid taking care of the inside and your husband taking care of what the maid doesn't do despite the fact that he works twelve hours a day.

You would prefer a divorce to sex with your husband?

I'm not asking because I think there's a right or wrong answer or because I'm trying to minimize the stress of taking care of aged parents. I'm just curious.


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

lovesmanis said:


> So, she is overwhelmed with family responsibilities and you are not getting laid enough so you threaten her with divorce?
> 
> You make more money then her and work at a "job" more then her, so she is expected to give in to your sexual desires when you want even though she has a lot more on her plate and even though she has asked you for more support, it is all about you?
> 
> ...


You need to read all the facts before you start throwing stones. People that are ignorant like you should not post on forums such as these. You are the type of person that deserves to be alone forever, I feel sorry for any man that you trap into a relationship.

As the 2 posters after you have said, I hired a maid to clean so she wouldn't have to worry about the house, I hired lawn care because I don't have time and don't want her doing it because she has a bad back. I work 12 hours per day AND do what the maid doesn't including dishes, laundry, minor cleaning here and there, etc. If this kind of relationship is fine with you then you are far more messed up than my STBXW.


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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

lovesmanis- lol, need to read before you post!


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

Here's a fun little update. My STBXW sent me a text saying she needed to go over to her parents and change the cat litter, go grocery shopping for them, do some cleaning, shovel their driveway and walk way "even though they don't drive and have a car", take out the trash, etc. You know, household chores. I left work early today and got home today at 5:00pm which is a VERY short day for me since I knew I would need to snow blow the driveway. What I didn't expect was the mass of cleanup to follow in the house. First thing I did when I get home was went and cleared the driveway with the snow blower which took about 45 minutes. After that I came in and took a shower. Cleaned the kitchen, coffee drops and crumbs all over the counter and island, finished filling the dishwasher, and made some dinner since she took the left overs last night without telling me she was going to. So here I sit on my couch typing this while she is still at her parents visiting at this point while I stare at a hamper of clean folded clothes that I need to put away, her nail polish/remover, and lotion in the middle of the floor, and Christmas decorations that need to be put in the basement. Yes CHRISTMAS decorations. I'm going to sit a relax for a while and then get to it because if I dare ask her to do any of this when she gets home she will get VERY upset and I just don't want to deal with it. 2 more days and I talk with another Attorney and decide who I file with. God I can't wait....


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## parker (Dec 2, 2012)

Something doesn't sound right. Have you been to MC with her? Just curious.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wait, are you saying your wife doesn't know you're leaving?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

For your edification, here is a link to Michigan Divorce Law: Michigan Legislature - Chapter 552

I think you said you are in Michigan, right? Please read these laws so you are well informed of both your rights and duties. 

If you have separate assets and separate debt, and the house has just $4000 equity, and there are no children--then you're right this could be fairly easy. I say "could" because she could also try to make your life a living hell...but really all she could do is delay things and create drama. After all is said and done, usually stuff that was marital is split down the middle and each party gets their own "stuff." 

Here is a link to Michigan alimony in a nutshell: Spousal Support (Alimony) in a Nutshell | Michigan Legal Help

Please note the list of things the court will consider when considering alimony because one of them is: "How each spouse behaved during your marriage. The court will look at how you treated each other and who was at fault in the breakdown of the marriage." I would say if she cheated and you can prove it...and then she didn't have sex with you for months at a time... that's a pretty big contribution to breaking down the marriage. 

So if you're a computer geek, Google is your friend. Google terms like "michigan alimony" and "michigan divorce law" and don't just trust some lawyer to decide your life. You decide your life. For example, did you know you can propose X amount of alimony for X amount of time and the two of you just agree to it? You don't have to let/make a judge decide. If you think $600/mo for 9 months is somewhat fair, and if you propose it and she agrees, then the judge will just initial it! 

Here's something to consider/think about. How long does it take to get the next degree in her field? Maybe 2 years, right? And by then she'd have NO REASON to not be able to support herself in whatever manner SHE chose not depending on you. So what if you gave her "$250/mo for 2 years" and said right in your divorce papers that the intent was to give her time to get on her own feet and earn a degree if she needed... or something to that effect?

See, after 2 years, and after she's had adequate time to get that degree, it's not YOUR fault anymore if she chooses a $23k/year job. She's an adult and didn't use the time she had to get on her own feet. And by proposing it, you sound like a very fair, decent plaintiff.


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## itcouldbeworse (Jan 29, 2015)

parker said:


> Something doesn't sound right. Have you been to MC with her? Just curious.


I have been to MC with her, actually 3 different therapists...



WorkingOnMe said:


> Wait, are you saying your wife doesn't know you're leaving?


Sorry, I should have been more clear. She knows I'm leaving but I have a meeting with another Attorney this week. I wasn't sure which one I wanted to go with.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Well it sounds like she's not too worked up over the divorce. Just moving on and hanging with her parents. Confirmation you're doing the right thing.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

itcouldbeworse said:


> I guess I just kept hoping that she would change like she said she would, but at this point I'm pretty sure she has lost all respect for me and thinks I'm gutless and will not leave her since I have not to this point and keep putting up with her crap. Did I hit the nail on the head?
> 
> I've got 1 more attorney to meet with next week and then I will know how I'm filing with at that point. Like I said, I want to make sure I have the best one in the area since her Aunt has connections with Attorneys and judges. I just want to make sure I am not screwed over in this situation. Michigan is a no fault state so the affair, be it physical or emotion will have no impact on the divorce, even if that is part of the reason for the split up....


Unfortunately the failure to address her infedility the first time round has led to the situation today.

Your wife has lost all respect for you becuase you rugswept the first affair. 

Are you sure the affair is not happening again? All the red flags are there. The Affair partner is back at work, you have been cut off from sex, the disrespect she throws your way.

Time for a complete 180 on her. Find a lawyer you feel comfortable with and take it from there.


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## delupt (Dec 1, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Well it sounds like she's not too worked up over the divorce ... <snip> ... Confirmation you're doing the right thing.


I suspect she doesn't think the divorce will happen, her current situation suits her fine and she delusionally cannot compute it ending - she's probably not calling your bluff, just out of step with reality. 

Her lack of empathy means it is not a matter of her not respecting ICBW; conventional respect/disrespect is not an emotion in her arsenal (she probably defines respect as 'agreeing with me' or being 'compliant with my demands').


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