# Time To ReGroup and Move On



## ReGroup

Together: 9.5 Years
Living Together: 6 Years
Married: 4 Years
Daughter: 4 Years Old
Separated: 05/2012

My wife and I separated back in May of this year. 

I received the “I think we need a break” and “let’s take time apart - to work on us” speal. 
We had been having issues for several months if not a year - both being vocal about it to each other. Naïve as I was (probably still am), I responded back with: What’s the purpose of this separation? We are going to work on our relationship right? Right? 
She responded by assuring me that we would start going on dates and pump life back into our marriage. 

I left the apartment… Her name was the only one on the lease and I really wanted things to cool down. Yes, big mistake. I should have checked my legal options 
We were fighting constantly. – But this is my wife! She wouldn’t do anything wrong to me! – so I thought at the time.
I moved into a relative’s place and have been there ever since – spending time with my daughter and sometimes with each other (wife and I) - mostly on weekends. We agreed that we wouldn’t date other people – or that’s what I thought.

We’ve been intimate during our separation and enjoy each other’s company: bars, clubs, ball games, weddings, dinners, movies, etc… but something was feeling off; It didn’t feel right. She didn’t want to have deep and constructive conversations about our issues, future, and marriage. She kept complaining about a “lack of emotional connection”. That I wasn’t showing and/or was not being consistent enough. I was jumping through hoops fellas, that was me… shooting at a moving target. 

We were your typical couple: Ups and Down… Nothing that sticks out like a sour thumb – but it felt for some time that we weren’t maturing as a couple. We were horrible problem solvers, held grudges, made-up w/o addressing the core issues etc… She did most of the yelling, insults – while I did the withdrawing.

We could probably create a list of pages of complaints about one another if we really wanted to: I am not the most affectionate individual in the world – She’s got anger problems; just to name a couple. No Physical Abuse, Addiction, and certainly no (physical) infidelity that I knew of at the time. 

Intimacy was becoming an issue. We weren’t jack-rabbits but things were ok in the past - it certainly tailed off back in May. (Yes, red flag)

Since moving out I’ve gone through all the stages: Self Blame, Denial, Acceptance, Anger, Passing Depression… 
I sought IC (weekly ever since), went hard at the gym for the first 3 months (dropped off), spent months reading books, reading TAM, talking to people in my situation, talking to relatives, etc… During the time of the separation I have done serious self-reflection, addressing the BS that I brought to the table: I lie (stupid lies), I withdrawal at times, I kept my emotions in – instead of being vocal , moody sometimes, never established proper boundaries… Nice Guy as referred to in the NNMNG Book. I am by no means the perfect husband… and many of her beefs with me are valid.

My wife used the time to blame me for everything, party on occasion, and distance herself from this marriage bit by bit. 

Veteran TAM’ers know where this is headed! 

After I left, flags were all over the place: Password on phone, keeping phone at arms-length, constant blame-shifting, rewriting of relationship history, shady behavior, limited affection and intimacy (not the pre separation norm) etc…
Discovery of an EA/PA occurred during the Summer. I discovered a text on her phone from her co-worker stating: I love you. I showed her what I found and she went ballistic in anger. After showing indifference to her response, she went the crying route… pleading we address our relationship via Marriage Counseling. I demanded NC and she said yes. (I didn’t verify folks and there was No Transparency!) 2x4 worthy for sure!
2 weeks later she sat me down for dinner and wanted to reinvest and commit back into the marriage. 

You guessed it – I went along for the ride and signed up for MC in early August. During the sessions it was a one-side bash fest. No core issues were discussed, even though I tried to steer the sessions in that direction… It was painful. I would leave the sessions shaken. I was a glutton for punishment and stayed the course till late September. 

Why MC wasn’t working? Yup, the co-worker was still on the scene. 

I was late posting my story, but I’ve seen what you guys have done for other people… I'm hoping for the same.
I am NOT trying to get my wife back. I want to work on ME. 
I don’t hate my wife, I wish her the best of luck… I am letting her go. It’s about my daughter and I right now. 

I let her Cake-Eat, I allowed myself to be a doormat, I did not put my foot down, etc… This is all on me. I’m no victim. I allowed her to do this before and during our separation. Now it’s time to do something different. I want to understand what happened and prevent it from happening again. 

I’m going to continue recording my journey – I want you guys to come along for the ride. I know I’m not out of the woods yet.


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## ReGroup

Just learned that the wife and PosOM have been doing Christmas activities with my daughter: seeing Santa Claus, decorating the tree, watching holiday movies, etc... Bitter pill to swallow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GutPunch

No that sux! This site will help you. Many on here been thru this
shxx storm. It is definitely not a fun ride. Good Luck and read alot. These folks can help.


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## ReGroup

Yup, I plan on countering with constant reassurance and planning my own fun holiday activities with her (not that the above-mentioned discovery should be a motivating factor). 

It just strikes a nerve - I have to deal with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

Had the most productive day at work in a long time. Felt really good about myself. Stayed focus - something I've had issues with in the immediate past. 

Got a vm from my Lil' Girl later in the day telling me that she and her mom were at a X-Mas event. I returned the call but didn't get an answer. Not fretting it though - it was an overall good day.

Appetite is coming back. 
Just need to get my azz back in the gym. Lost about 20lbs during this mess - mostly muscle. Step by step.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GutPunch

Well if you read these threads they will tell you to care of you. So get back in the gym. Focus on becoming a better person and detach from your POS. You got no other choice.


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## Providence

ReGroup said:


> Had the most productive day at work in a long time. Felt really good about myself. Stayed focus - something I've had issues with in the immediate past.
> 
> Got a vm from my Lil' Girl later in the day telling me that she and her mom were at a X-Mas event. I returned the call but didn't get an answer. Not fretting it though - it was an overall good day.
> 
> Appetite is coming back.
> Just need to get my azz back in the gym. Lost about 20lbs during this mess - mostly muscle. Step by step.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Has work been a problem for you? I haven't been able to be productive for a while now. I'm hoping I can get my head clear during the holidays and eventually get back on track.


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## ReGroup

It was so for months! I would coast through assignments w/o much detail and effort. Their wasn't any motivation to go "that extra step" and it showed. I was a zombie in the office - didn't do much socializing and just wallowed in self pity. 
Fortunately for me, I had a superior who was very understanding (had dealt w/ our situation before), that helped/guide me along the way.
Hopefully, you can avoid a similar rut in your case because as I have come to find out, its very therapeutic to dive into your work and be productive.
My superior kept stating, start off with the small, build momentum and go from there. It took me sometime to catch on, but I'm there now.
Hopefully, that helps some in your situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coachman

So after only a couple months she already has the POSom around your D?

Sorry, but what a selfish pos. Both of them.


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## ReGroup

But coachman, he's just a "friend"!

Man, I've wasted so much time and energy into our situation - that the fuel tank meter is way passed empty.

Honestly, I'm not at the point of indifference but I am at a point where things she says and/or does matter less and less.

Logic is catching up to my emotions.


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## coachman

A little late now, but knowing there was a POSom in the wings you should have pushed hard not to have any significant others around your D.

It's almost impossible for her to justify that it's in your D best interest. 

That isn't focusing on her at all. That is the well being of your D.


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## ReGroup

Believe me brother, I tried. You can't reason with some people - they'll just find a way to justify their actions. They'll make something up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coachman

This is true.

She's showing you who she really is.

Stick to the plan and create a stable environment for your D because your W will crash and burn.


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## Chuck71

RG-In hindsight we all would see the flags. The demise is always two sided. It's amazing how many end up crashing and want to come back. They should have thought of the consequences before the affair.


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## ReGroup

It's the same script that keeps getting played out - it's amazing. A damn Epidemic. 

Her chaos or better pastures are hers to own. As are mine.

Like my mother says: The only casualties in these types of situations are the children.


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## ReGroup

Wife sends me a link to: Rescue Your Relationship from Depression Don't let your loved one's depression get in the way of a healthy partnership.

What in the hell is the point?! To get a reaction from me?

Mind you, I have never suffered a depression. I've gone through ruts, but a depression? 

Obviously, their is more work to do. Lol


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## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> Wife sends me a link to: Rescue Your Relationship from Depression Don't let your loved one's depression get in the way of a healthy partnership.
> 
> What in the hell is the point?! To get a reaction from me?
> 
> Mind you, I have never suffered a depression. I've gone through ruts, but a depression?
> 
> Obviously, their is more work to do. Lol


You know the point.


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## Married in VA

Regroup,
Why are you tolerating this behavior? Tell your WW that she is NOT to bring an OM around your child. Inform her that if she does it again, you will be filing for sole custody. Two months? Really? Not sure if your posts indicated it or not but have you filed for D yet? Are you in a fault state? In your position and since you decided you are done, I would be looking at divorce/custody law VERY closely and consulting with an attorney. Have a morality clause put into a custody agreement to keep POSOM away from your daughter during overnight visits with your WW. You have to use your legal options to keep your DD as safe as possible when around your WW.


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## Chuck71

Her point is her point covert
blameshift, guilt lift
Own your true accountability
demand they do theirs, or do not bother me


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## coachman

There is a site/author/book that explains the epidemic and sums up about 80% of the cases that show up in this forum.

Infidelity, Cheating Wives - Women's Infidelity


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## ReGroup

NY - where it is as liberal and No Fault as they come.
Neither of us has filed. Single Dad's don't have much pull here as long as their isn't any criminal or drug activity involving the mother. We both make good incomes and have stable jobs. 
I have consulted with a legal counsel and the best I could EVER get is joint custody. 
NY Law basically dictates that she can do as she pleases as long as our daughter is not in physical harm. I have tried reasoning with her in regards to having PosOM around with our daughter present and all it has gotten me is - "kids are resilient". 

Mind you, this woman works helping kids - but is not helping her own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

coachman, I read that book and it scared me to death!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

you know the answer its the qustion which drives you mad


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## Chuck71

you know the Q and the A
covent thy self


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## ReGroup

"I need to remove myself from you and anything that involves you. It's too frustrating."

"To feel nothing from someone after almost a decade makes me feel like the smallest particle on this earth. It seriously breaks my heart."

"You don't need to love me or be in love with me but just feel some sort of goddamn thing from you, anything... It's so hurtful. "
One would think that it was I who was having an affair.
I'm ignoring the late-night text bombing to stay out of the drama triangle but sheesh... What a complete mind f'.
Has this person completely convinced themselves that they haven't done anything wrong? Its amazing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

she is glued to the victim chair......when you tell youreself a lie enough....you start to believe it


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## ReGroup

That's really well put Chuck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

And that is why you remove yourself from her life. You just coparent and discuss nothing but your daughter.

When POSOM dumps her and she is alone, only then will she reflect on what she did that got her to that point in her life.

It is not easy when you have a child together but it needs to be done.

For your own health and sanity. It is now time to focus on you.

*It is easy to do once you realize she is only thinking of herself.*


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## ReGroup

You are so right. 

Its been a rough day. Surreal. Though it was her choice to discontinue our relationship and has done everything to make me despise her - I still longed to be a family during the holidays. 

Though we opened presents this morning at my place, it felt superficial and staged. 

She wants us to have "unconditional love" with each other but her actions speak other wise. Detachment is what I have strive'd for and becoming better at it - even in the face of backlash, insults and telephone hang ups on her part. She lashed out: "I need to move on from you!" Just a week ago. *Weird* 

Yesterday she was enraged because she was not invited to my family gathering on Christmas Eve. Throwing it in my face that she was spending it alone. I doubt that. I refrained from extending an invite anyway. 

After the opening of gifts and "good byes" this morning, I saw DD4 and wife step into PosOM's car a few minutes later - an avenue away from my place, in order NOT to be seen. 

Urgh! It stung, knowing that another man is spending most of Christmas with my daughter. Couldn't shake the feeling the entire day. 

If the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure there would be hell to pay. I'm playing it cool for the most part. Dealing with my strong emotional reactions on my own. Getting a little better each day.

Better days ahead if I claim them. But rough one today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

Again you now the choice is yours.

So claim those better days. Start today.


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## ReGroup

Today, I have gotten off to a good start. I have been focused and productive at work. What transpired yesterday has not effected me as much today. The thoughts have crossed my mine on occasion - Where is my daughter? Is she enjoying herself? Contact hasn't been made by either of us; I'll call STBXW tonight to speak with DD. SIL texted: Merry XMas Brother. 

I have an IC session today and squeeze in some gym time.

Must be pleasant having a distraction (OM/OW). Their isn't a need to address your own issues. Road less traveled I guess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Today, I have gotten off to a good start. I have been focused and productive at work. What transpired yesterday has not effected me as much today. The thoughts have crossed my mine on occasion - Where is my daughter? Is she enjoying herself? Contact hasn't been made by either of us; I'll call STBXW tonight to speak with DD. SIL texted: Merry XMas Brother.
> 
> I have an IC session today and squeeze in some gym time.
> 
> Must be pleasant having a distraction (OM/OW). Their isn't a need to address your own issues. Road less traveled I guess.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What kind of terms are you with your inlaws or SIL?

Also wanted you to have this quote, it is one of my favorites:



> *Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot. Never ever insist yourself on someone who continuously over looks your worth*.


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## ReGroup

Great Quote. Going to hang that up some where.

I have a good relationship with all of them (parents, brothers and sisters). Being that we are of different race, it got off a little rocky with her parents, but mended once they realized I am an honorable and responsible person.

Her parents hate the fact that we have split - her mother has even gotten into arguments w/ her about it. Ex Wife rebutted by saying that we could get back together in the future.

They had a rough upbringing. Mother might be BiPolar and her father wasn't around much because of work and other issues. Ex is a very Angry person; very gifted blame shifter. 

I am passive aggressive. One of many issues that I am trying to address.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

Do you think it's healthy for you to continue a relationship with your ex In Laws?


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## ReGroup

Healthy for me? No, not at this point. I have not reached out to them. This is information disclosed by the Ex. 
SIL's MC text was out of the blue.


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## bff

Regroup - first of all, congrats on holding it together the way you have so far and for remaining calm and not taking the text-bomb bait. You should be proud of that! As HappyMan said and I'll rephrase, You didn't choose the circumstances in which you find yourself, but how you now react is 100% your decision and in your control. I like that you're searching within yourself to find ways to be happier as opposed to finding ways to make your WW and the POSOM unhappy. Kill 'em with kindness, you'll never regret that.

One word of caution - your in-laws, in a genuine effort to "help" can be a trigger sometimes. Ask my how I know... My MIL for months would send me emails where she was legitimately trying to get me to get back together with her daughter (who cheated on me for almost 7 of our 9 years of marriage) but would always bury in the messages some passive-aggressive statements like "since the fault falls largely in her court..." Largely?!? How about 100%? She would constantly insist that her daughter is a "very trustworthy person" and that it must be I who have issues.

Anyway, I don't think it is empirically bad to have a relationship with the ex-in-laws, just never forget where their true loyalty is always going to be.

Best of luck, my friend. You've got a great support network here.

BFF


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## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Great Quote. Going to hang that up some where.
> 
> I have a good relationship with all of them (parents, brothers and sisters). Being that we are of different race, it got off a little rocky with her parents, but mended once they realized I am an honorable and responsible person.
> 
> Her parents hate the fact that we have split - her mother has even gotten into arguments w/ her about it. *Ex Wife rebutted by saying that we could get back together in the future.*
> 
> They had a rough upbringing. Mother might be BiPolar and her father wasn't around much because of work and other issues. Ex is a very Angry person; very gifted blame shifter.
> 
> *I am passive aggressive. One of many issues that I am trying to address.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Take that future comment of hers and tell her to shove it. That is for you to decide. And you have already decided that she needs to grow up/stop being selfish. And that you need to move on in life for you and your daughter.

Leave her nothing to fall back n. she does not deserve you or a future option with you.

Do not try, just do! Fix you and you will be much happier in the future.

I think you and I are going to meet for coffee in the New Year.....


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## keko

ReGroup said:


> Ex Wife rebutted by saying that we could get back together in the future.


:slap:

ReGroup just run as far as possible form her. She's going to crash soon so just make sure you're in a much better place to not get hurt by her once again.


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## ReGroup

That's the plan keko - get myself in a better place than the one I am now. IC stated tonight that my self worth was shot during the separation. During the session I felt like I was pressing rewind on the past 8 months in my head. I wanted to punch myself for letting it play out the way it did. I didn't do any begging, crying or pleading but I sure as hell devalued myself in other ways.

Whether she crashes or not isn't any of my concern. I hope she finds the happiness she seeks. God knows I wasn't the perfect mate - we both could learn from this. 

What I need to do is learn how to establish the proper boundaries to prevent those manipulative tactics she's so good at using. Though she thinks I'm indifferent to her - I am not. She searches for weak spots on occasion.

Happy, believe me - no more trying to fix other people. During the separation I tried to address our marital issues and she would harp: its all your fault! You did this to us! Too little too late! You conned me! I will not invest anymore energy into this relationship! We are only married legally!

And when she noticed that I was drifting away she would harp: You are not doing enough to win your wife back! You don't love me! You don't call enough! You don't ask how I am doing! I need you to Man up! I don't want to lose you!

I don't know how I survived it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

I can't stand you. 

U don't ask me abt my procedure, how I'm feeling, how my Xmas was? Nothing ....you are an incredibly heartless human being. 

I really do wish that I never met you. You cause me nothing but pain, heartache and frustration.

And I'm sorry that I cannot control myself more when it comes to you because this pain and frustration is not worth it. 

- All this because I was straight fwd during a phone call. I wanted to speak w/ my daughter and was being cordial. Got off the phone quick to avoid non daughter issues.

- I don't want to be an azz. Should I be handling this different all things considered? I just don't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

You are detaching.

I think the only thing you can do is be honest with her and make it clear you want to be a good father for your D.

That she continues to lie and you will keep distancing yourself from her infidelity and deceit.

Your main concern is your Daughter.

And your main focus is on you.

Nothing wrong with making that clear.


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## ReGroup

F*ck! I got caught up in the text dance. Went in circles for 20 minutes and now I feel like I was dropped right on my chest.

Fail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

Major setback. Wow. I feel like I was TKO'd by a heavy weight.
Dumbest argument over non sense. Lost my cool and called her "selfish". That opened up the floodgates to more bashing. 

I started off by texting, "I'm sorry you feel this way ...".
And it went down hill from there. So much for detachment.

This is freaking tough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

We all make mistakes. Learn from this one.


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## Chuck71

ReGroup, try my method.......I do not text period. Mine can email me, I may open it in a day or two or call. I let it run to voice mail and may retrieve the call several hours later. I am not obligated to answer either in any timely fashion. Hate to ask this ReG but I did a post this AM and LOL I have not got any feedback, would you care to glance at it?


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## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> ReGroup, try my method.......I do not text period. Mine can email me, I may open it in a day or two or call. I let it run to voice mail and may retrieve the call several hours later. I am not obligated to answer either in any timely fashion. Hate to ask this ReG but I did a post this AM and LOL I have not got any feedback, would you care to glance at it?


Tough when kids are involved, but might try this RG:

I just answered call from stbxw as I knew she was calling on her lunch break to say goodnight to D6. But handed phone directly to D6, put on speaker, and hung up after they finished saying goodnight to each other. 

Your situation may be different if ~equal parenting time, but these calls were recommended by D6's child psych as she will have abandonment issues (I have 85%+ time).


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## ReGroup

Z,

Reading your "will have abandonment issues" statement destroyed me. Did you mean will or might? Is it because of 85 - 15pct split as opposed to 50 - 50pct split?

At this time, I have my daughter on weekends and try to talk to her over the phone on a daily basis. 

She is constantly asking me if I'm going to visit them - it pains me to say "no". I feel like a part-time dad. I try to value every second that I spend with her, but it feel like its not enough. Most likely my insecurities - but it still s*cks.

I am a child of divorce and though I feel I came out ok - it destroyed my sibling.


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Z,
> 
> Reading your "will have abandonment issues" statement destroyed me. Did you mean will or might? Is it because of 85 - 15pct split as opposed to 50 - 50pct split?


I mean WILL. As things stand right now, anyway. After D is final in Feb I'm putting house up for sale and moving out of state with D6. I have no family support here - only moved here and bought house for stbxw. Few friends either. Back in my home town I have a huge family willing to help me and D6 and she'll need good female role models which she is lacking right now. If I stay and kiddos mom remains emotionally unavailable to D6, she'll have no family support AND no nurturing mother. Very hard choice but needs to be done unless I see a drastic change in stbxw and soon. 

Even now stbxw only wants 1 night/wk with D6 and we only live 30-40 minutes apart. She could have more but won't change jobs/shifts due to posOM at work.


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## keko

ReGroup said:


> Is it because of 85 - 15pct split as opposed to 50 - 50pct split?
> 
> At this time, I have my daughter on weekends and try to talk to her over the phone on a daily basis.


Why dont you have her 50% of the time?


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## ReGroup

I don't have my own place yet. 

DD spends Saturdays and Sundays with me.

Not seeing her every day wrecks me to pieces.

Everyone says it gets better - I don't know how it could in that aspect.


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## keko

ReGroup said:


> I don't have my own place yet.
> 
> DD spends Saturdays and Sundays with me.
> 
> Not seeing her every day wrecks me to pieces.
> 
> Everyone says it gets better - I don't know how it could in that aspect.


When will you have your own place?

You really should get 50/50 custody in the divorce agreement otherwise its quite hard to change it afterwards.


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## 06Daddio08

Where are you currently living?


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## ReGroup

Living with a relative in NYC. Paying off all my debt and close to doing so. 
I need as much disposable income to live here.

STBX is buried in debt. She's a spender. Already complaining about Cost. I'm giving what I am suppose to not a penny more.

What's mind boggling is that together we were financially strong and now she's choosing to live on one income w/ some $ support for our daughter. Spending as always w/ little regard and burying herself into a deeper hole. 

I guess that shouldn't be my worries right now - but it does effect our daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Females tend to seek instant gratification from purchasing things. Fix wears off, buy another. It is no different than cocaine. It may be less expensive unless she shops at the high end stores. They replace emotion with another emotion.


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## 06Daddio08

Chuck71 said:


> *Females tend to seek instant gratification from purchasing things*. Fix wears off, buy another. It is no different than cocaine. It may be less expensive unless she shops at the high end stores. *They replace emotion with another emotion.*


What a narrow minded way to think.

Males do the same thing.


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## Chuck71

simply based on researched evidence in studies. dealt with clothing, not Corvettes! Different gender, different agenda. Based on Rs situation.


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## 06Daddio08

Chuck71 said:


> simply based on researched evidence in studies. dealt with clothing, not Corvettes! Different gender, different agenda. Based on Rs situation.


Different gender.

Most likely different wants in regards to purchasing.

Other than that.

Ones 'need' to purchase things for short term satisfaction has nothing to do with gender.

Everything to do with life experiences.


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## Chuck71

Agree! Different mind, different game. Result=same


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## 06Daddio08

Chuck71 said:


> Agree! Different mind, different game. Result=same


So.

Going back to your original post in regards to this topic.

It's not just 'Females'.

I only bring this up because it can create resentment towards a gender.

Causing problems down the road.


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## Chuck71

never said only, was referring to R-G, was not referring to his wife. did i happen to miss a 3rd person agenda?


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## ReGroup

Lol. You both make solid points.

As we do on a weekly basis - The ex and I took our daughter to her dance class; it went well and we grabbed lunch.

Daughter was in a great mood - Being together brings that in her. Daughter constantly asked if I was coming over after lunch; I declined, but told her she would be with me the next 3 days.

Ex commented that 3 days in a row seemed excessive. I didn't budge, but not in a rude way. She commented that like X-Mas Eve, she would be spending New Years alone. I went Barry Sanders over the comment.

She turned her attention to a wedding that I am attending next week and asked if I was going w/ someone - "I don't know", I replied. Avoiding the trap.

I made sure the conversations stayed as pleasant as possible and succeeded for the most part. 

Messed up a tad when she requested for more emotional connection, more contact, and a little more acknowledgement - I did a little explaining, then stopped myself when I noticed what I was doing. 

Wasn't picture perfect but a few months back I would have invited myself to her place, try to manipulate reactions from her, and do other foolish things that would assure her that I am in the palm of her hands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> Lol. You both make solid points.
> 
> As we do on a weekly basis - The ex and I took our daughter to her dance class; it went well and we grabbed lunch.
> 
> Daughter was in a great mood - Being together brings that in her. Daughter constantly asked if I was coming over after lunch; I declined, but told her she would be with me the next 3 days.
> 
> Ex commented that 3 days in a row seemed excessive. I didn't budge, but not in a rude way. She commented that like X-Mas Eve, she would be spending New Years alone. I went Barry Sanders over the comment.
> 
> She turned her attention to a wedding that I am attending next week and asked if I was going w/ someone - "I don't know", I replied. Avoiding the trap.
> 
> I made sure the conversations stayed as pleasant as possible and succeeded for the most part.
> 
> Messed up a tad when *she requested for more emotional connection, more contact, and a little more acknowledgement* - I did a little explaining, then stopped myself when I noticed what I was doing.
> 
> Wasn't picture perfect but a few months back I would have invited myself to her place, try to manipulate reactions from her, and do other foolish things that would assure her that I am in the palm of her hands.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She wanted the divorce. 

Correct?


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## ReGroup

My point exactly. 
I was going to shoot back, "You have your friend for that now"...
but thought better of it.

Side stepping certain topics still requires effort on my part - I can't wait for it to come natural.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Wow, ReGroup, I'm really PROUD of you!

You really seem to be doing well, understanding the process, getting yourself, your life, your emotions well in hand.

Your daughter is VERY lucky to have such a wonderful, stable father in her life. I fear she'll need it when STBXW's life implodes!


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## ReGroup

Thanks SGW!

Picked up my daughter at her place this morning - the bombardment of questions ensued: Are you seeing someone? Its ok if you tell me. It won't bother me. Is she nice? Does she look good? Its my business to know. Do I know her? Are you sexually active right now?

I responded: I'm not comfortable having this discussion. Its none of your business. (Politely as possible). Cool, dispassionate and firm.

She started following me around the apartment as I was getting daughter ready for departure. Tried to sit on my lap. Tried to kiss me in the mouth. Asked me if she thought I looked good to her.

Daughter made mention that PosOM was with them last night. Didn't faze me one bit. Stayed focused on my daughter. Not a care in the world or at least that was my display.

Wife started getting nastier: Tell me. I need to know. You are a coward for not telling me. We should start getting the paper work ready.

I simply stated: I agree.
She said it to get a reaction from me - knowing how I hate and feared Divorce a few months back. Didn't give her the satisfaction of any emotions to her comment.

I wished her a Happy New Year, gave her a hug and we departed ways.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Thanks SGW!
> 
> Picked up my daughter at her place this morning - the bombardment of questions ensued: Are you seeing someone? Its ok if you tell me. It won't bother me. Is she nice? Does she look good? Its my business to know. Do I know her? Are you sexually active right now?
> 
> I responded: I'm not comfortable having this discussion. Its none of your business. (Politely as possible). Cool, dispassionate and firm.
> 
> She started following me around the apartment as I was getting daughter ready for departure. Tried to sit on my lap. Tried to kiss me in the mouth. Asked me if she thought I looked good to her.
> 
> Daughter made mention that PosOM was with them last night. Didn't faze me one bit. Stayed focused on my daughter. Not a care in the world or at least that was my display.
> 
> Wife started getting nastier: Tell me. I need to know. You are a coward for not telling me. We should start getting the paper work ready.
> 
> I simply stated: I agree.
> She said it to get a reaction from me - knowing how I hate and feared Divorce a few months back. Didn't give her the satisfaction of any emotions to her comment.
> 
> I wished her a Happy New Year, gave her a hug and we departed ways.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


awesome!:smthumbup:


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## Chuck71

Excellent!


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## K.C.

ReGroup said:


> I simply stated: I agree.
> She said it to get a reaction from me - knowing how I hate and feared Divorce a few months back. Didn't give her the satisfaction of any emotions to her comment.
> 
> I wished her a Happy New Year, gave her a hug and we departed ways.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Top stuff.


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## ReGroup

Thanks for the support guys. It means a lot.

She called tonight under the disguise of "checking up on our daughter" - had to hang up at some point. I don't like hanging up on people but she won't respect the fact I don't want to discuss that portion of my life with her. "I don't ask you, don't ask me"... I don't want to be a jerk, but respect my wishes.

Now she's saying that stress is giving her stomach issues. That I'm playing head games with her. That I'm causing her anxiety and frustration.

"You truly enjoy f'ing with me. I hope you are getting a kick out of making me go crazy in my head."

And no - I'm not seeing anyone - but she is. 
This is a sick and selfish person. 

I'm not getting a kick out of this. I want to say, "no, I'm not seeing anyone"... But I'd be falling back on my principles.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981

Make us question are judgement in people a bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

ReGroup
Has she ever said she is dating?

Does she ever admit POSOM pitching them up 2 blocks away or spending Xmas eve with him???


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## ReGroup

No. She has lied about everything. 
I discovered pictures of them back in November holding each other in her email titled: Date Night. 
She lied to me about him, my parents and even our counselor. I don't believe a thing that comes out of her mouth. 

I stopped asking questions a little more than a month ago. Last time I brought Them up she stated: I have never met a man like him before.

Daughter keeps bringing him up as he's now w/ them most of the time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981

I am sorry u found those, why can't people be honest ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

Cheaters always lie.

Do not let her pull you in and play her games.

And you can always tell her to mind her own business.

What I used to say to my ex was " why should i give you honest answers when all you do is lie. I prefer no answers at all." Then walk away.

Just a shame for your kid.

Have a good New Years tonight. 2013 will be better.


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## ReGroup

Annoyed as all hell.

Wife is upset at me that I have been ignoring her and not reaching out - she had a minor medical procedure done and feels I haven't contacted her "enough". She also asked why I didn't seek out her where abouts for NYE as she spent it alone. I doubt that.
What ever - those are her problems, not mine. 

I was with my daughter and my mother at a family friend's place - small social gathering for New Years Day. It was good times but it didn't last long. Wife showed up to pick up daughter. I wanted to have daughter ready at the front door but she insisted on greeting everyone. Didn't greet me, as she's annoyed. Family and Friends treated her well - as they have always. These people supported her back in the day when her own family turned their backs on her. 
I attempt to get daughter ready to quicken their departure but she requests to speak to my mother about her medical condition. I knew nothing good could come out of this.

I leave to grab some things at my apartment.

I take my time as to avoid seeing her again.

When I get back, my mother (the mother she never had as she has said many times), tells me about their discussion.

They discussed the medical issues but it quickly turned into me not "caring enough". Mother explained that "I and everyone else know you are seeing someone". Wife returned with, "he's just a friend". My mother ignored it and stated: Its not ReGroup's job to care for you in that manner anymore, you have your friend for that now. 
Wife then tried to say that I was seeing someone. Mother rebuffed the idea stating that I'm still getting my stuff together and that she doubted I was seeing someone.

I am annoyed that they were having this type of discussion. I had a talk with my mother to refrain from discussing matters about "US" with her.

She means well - but I know what the wife is trying to do.

These things never end clean.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981

I am sorry! 
She is sneaky !


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## ReGroup

She has our daughter on most days.
She has "her friend" and must be having a fun affair.
She is the dumper.
She kept the place and furniture.

She's mad and angry?
I'm the person that should be mad and angry! And I'm not.

Things don't make any sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> She has our daughter on most days.
> She has "her friend" and must be having a fun affair.
> She is the dumper.
> She kept the place and furniture.
> 
> She's mad and angry?
> I'm the person that should be mad and angry! And I'm not.
> 
> Things don't make any sense.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Makes perfect sense. You rock. She doesn't.


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## keko

ReGroup said:


> She has our daughter on most days.
> She has "her friend" and must be having a fun affair.
> She is the dumper.
> She kept the place and furniture.
> 
> She's mad and angry?
> I'm the person that should be mad and angry! And I'm not.
> 
> Things don't make any sense.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Look it's never going to make sense so stop trying to understand her.

She gave up a decent husband/family for a temporary thrill of an affair. Now the reality is starting to show itself so she's trying to keep you interested in her incase she needs you for something.

I'll say it again incase you missed it, you need to spend more days per week with your child.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

"I'll say it again incase you missed it, you need to spend more days per week with your child."

No Keko, I didn't miss it. You're right. I have to do more. It'll be difficult considering my work commute but with the proper adjustments I can make this happen. 

Forgot to mention - this past Saturday, I went out with a few buddies. Had a great time, met and socialized with several people. Made a connection with a woman - shared laughs, exchanged stories and contact information. Not pursuing anything with this woman, but it felt great to feel like ME again. My friends commented how relaxed and Alive I looked. 

Small step - but feeling great.

As I write this - received an email from the wife with concerns about our daughter drinking soda and eating Fruit Loops this past weekend. She also addressed consistency in the way we raise our daughter.

I'm sure I could bring up a few things as well.

Good Times!


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> "I'll say it again incase you missed it, you need to spend more days per week with your child."
> 
> No Keko, I didn't miss it. You're right. I have to do more. It'll be difficult considering my work commute but with the proper adjustments I can make this happen.


Yes. Do this! 

Unsure where you are in the D process, but the more time you spend with kiddo now, the better shape you'll be in. My lawyer advised I keep of journal of all the time stbxw spends with/without D6 in case custody is left to the court. It could be used to show a pattern and work in my favor if I spend more time with her than stbxw. 

Your stbxw may or may not be doing this, so be proactive and start fighting for the type of custody that you want later... now.


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## ReGroup

She emailed me yesterday concerning my mother's impressions of her and her situation w/ her co-worker friend. Like stated in a prior post, I didn't want them having a conversation about "US". She doesn't want anyone getting the impression that a OM broke us up. That it was our dysfunctional relationship that did us in. 

I of course fed into the stupidity by explaining that while we were in counseling she had another individual in the weeds - while attempting to solve our problems/issues. How could we concentrate on "US" if she was entertaining another man? How could she be going on dates, texting and emailing another individual during this span and NOT realize the harm it was causing?

She of course rationalized everything stating that she went to MC because she loved me. That she was hoping to see "fire works" during our separation that never came. Though she saw certain improvements, it wasn't enough. 

She's disappointed how I approached her medical issues. She fumed about the lack of reaching out to her. She was hospitalized because of stomach issues caused by stress a couple of weeks ago - she is blaming it on our situation. Though I called and texted asking for her well-being; it wasn't enough. That my indifference, distance and coldness has her seeing me in a new light, that I have shown my true colors. That I never really cared about her.

In circles and around we went. It helped me realize something: She's Dumb, I am Dumber.


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## Chuck71

This individual's medical condition is, in all truth, not of your concern. Should she not drop her well being on the guy in the weeds as you called him? Us and we are hanging words if you are reading too much into it. For once, be illiterate.


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## coachman

ReGroup said:


> She emailed me yesterday concerning my mother's impressions of her and her situation w/ her co-worker friend. Like stated in a prior post, I didn't want them having a conversation about "US". She doesn't want anyone getting the impression that a OM broke us up. That it was our dysfunctional relationship that did us in.
> 
> I of course fed into the stupidity by explaining that while we were in counseling she had another individual in the weeds - while attempting to solve our problems/issues. How could we concentrate on "US" if she was entertaining another man? How could she be going on dates, texting and emailing another individual during this span and NOT realize the harm it was causing?
> 
> She of course rationalized everything stating that she went to MC because she loved me. That she was hoping to see "fire works" during our separation that never came. Though she saw certain improvements, it wasn't enough.
> 
> She's disappointed how I approached her medical issues. She fumed about the lack of reaching out to her. She was hospitalized because of stomach issues caused by stress a couple of weeks ago - she is blaming it on our situation. Though I called and texted asking for her well-being; it wasn't enough. That my indifference, distance and coldness has her seeing me in a new light, that I have shown my true colors. That I never really cared about her.
> 
> In circles and around we went. It helped me realize something: She's Dumb, I am Dumber.


ReGroup - If 50 people with walk away spouses read this today, I would bet 45 of them have had the exact same conversation and could have written that same post. So many of us have fallen into the same trap over and over. Your logic is of course on point and makes perfect sense. 

Conrad told me once..

"Something in us has us persist with logical effective arguments when they have never worked."

I can't tell you how many times I had to learn this lesson the hard way. You aren't dumb...it's just not the way we are wired. 

It most likely won't be the last time you get into these heated discussions. Just try to remember you are dealing with an emotional infant. Treat her as such. Good luck.


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## happyman64

Regroup

As Conrad would say when having these circular arguments with your wife is 

A. Do not have them.
B. if she is still going to go off the proper response from you would be 1. I'm sorry you feel that way.
2. You are entitled to your opinion.

Then walk away.

You cannot win those arguments.

Let her go!

Focus on you and your daughter. 

And she walked away and forced you out.

But maybe you realized you did not want to be married to her anymore as well. And that could be why you feel the way you do.

Nothing wrong with that.

HM64


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## ReGroup

Its almost game time fellas.

Attending a co-worker's wedding tonight. 

Some people know of my situation and some don't. The one's that don't will be in SHOCK. I'll be assigned to their table and most if not all are married couples.

Big test. I am both nervous and excited at the same time.

I'm very social with people I know but shy with people I don't.

I know that I'll ultimately decide what type of night I have - so I'll try and focus on having FUN and enjoy my time with great company.

I'm a nervous wreck - Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981

Have fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

I second that.

Have fun and mingle with singles......

What the heck do you have to be nervous about?

Or are you nervous because you are bringing a date?


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## ReGroup

Happy, you are a trip my man.

I went alone, but had a great time. Friends there were sympathetic and made me feel comfortable. Socialized and met new people. Awesome experience. Being alone didn't bother me one bit.

Took my daughter to the movies w/ a friend and her kid yesterday. A friend being a she - platonic, no interest at all. Had a fabulous time and my daughter really enjoyed the movie.

Dropped daughter at her mom's place, said hi, and I took off.

Wife caught wind of the "play date" and the questioning then started via text. She had the nerve to say: If a woman is going to be spending time with you and our daughter, I think I should meet and get to know her.

Felt like I was taking crazy pills.

This morning I had to drop off some stuff for our daughter and she asked me to come in. The Lions Den it felt like. She talked and talked. I just listened. Some insults, putting me down... Called me a "hypocrite" for being in a "relationship" - Criticized me for not reaching out. I just listened, without much emotions - calling me "smug". She said I looked happy and that I didn't care about her. I reiterated over and over again, that if she needed my help or wanted to share stuff about her health all she needed to do was ask or request it. I refused to do any finger pointing and throw things in her face. As she called it, "taking the high road".

She went back to asking about yesterdays playdate and just assumed that I was seeing someone and commented that she was taking things to the next level - I guess in reference to her friend. I didn't respond to that - I gave her a hug and once again said: if you need help with anything, simply ask.

I mentioned during our conversation that our relationship can serve as a learning experience for us both - she said it was "heartbreaking" to hear that. 

I'm going to continue being kind - as what she says to me have lost a lot of value. 

I'm getting to indifferent, I can feel it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Were you married to J Edgar Hoover??? Is she your ex or your mom and you're 17? She is a black hole......get away as fast as you can.


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## zillard

I haven't given my stbxw a hug since signing papers.


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## ReGroup

You handled your situation a whole lot better than I did. Lol.

Based on the way she and I interact - one could observe that their are MANY unresolved issues up in the air. 

It s*cks that it had to be this way; but this is what she chose.


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## zillard

Maybe quicker, but don't know about better. I did many things I'm not proud of, including calling her a diabolical b*tch after discovery. I simply don't talk to women that way. Brought out the worst in me. 

Now I worry that I am trying to heal too quickly as I know that isn't healthy either. But that's where IC comes in. He keeps me in check.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

Who is taking the crazy pills?

Maybe you can find them in her apt. And wash them down the toilet.

She is taking her relationship to the next level?

How about a Divorce first?

I can sorta see why you no longer want her in your life.

You should have saved up for medical school...

She would have made a great proctologist!!!

Glad you had fun at the wedding and do more play dates with your D.

HM64


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## keko

*Don't go into her house.

*Don't text her for anything other then kid/finances.

*Don't listen to her when she insults you. 

*Don't listen to her for anything other then kid/finances.

*Don't respond to her when she asks about your personal life.

*Don't hug her.

*Don't help her for ANYTHING.


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## zillard

keko said:


> *Don't go into her house.
> 
> *Don't text her for anything other then kid/finances.
> 
> *Don't listen to her when she insults you.
> 
> *Don't listen to her for anything other then kid/finances.
> 
> *Don't respond to her when she asks about your personal life.
> 
> *Don't hug her.
> 
> **Don't help her for ANYTHING.*


I agree with this. My stbxw asked if I would come over with my power tools and help her hang curtains in her new apartment. 

"I am confident that you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself". 

If you help with things that are now her responsibility (including emotional support), you are enabling her to take advantage of you. 

I still go into stbxw's apt while dropping off D6, and let her into mine. Personally don't think that is as big of an issue as it shows cordial interaction in front of D6. If you can both be cordial.


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## ReGroup

I definitely can be cordial. She on the other hand flips out when her emotional needs aren't met. 

You guys are right - point taken. I need to just put up The Stop Sign like turnera instructed. 

What do you guys make of this: "If a woman is going to be spending time with our daughter, I think I should meet and get to know her."

She did the complete opposite of what she is requesting of me. How could someone do one thing and expect the same treatment? Seems controlling and selfish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> What do you guys make of this: "If a woman is going to be spending time with our daughter, I think I should meet and get to know her."
> 
> She did the complete opposite of what she is requesting of me. How could someone do one thing and expect the same treatment? Seems controlling and selfish.


It does seem like a clear attempt to interject herself into your personal life, rather than a request from a concerned mother. Because she said herself that she believes you are in a relationship. That is selfish and controlling.

But... how would you want her to respond if you made a request like this - as a concerned father? Would you even make such a request, knowing that her parenting style is now out of your control?

I think I would make an attempt to deny the request while validating her feelings. 

"I understand that you are concerned about our daughter, but I am perfectly capable of ensuring that she is kept away from confusing and unhealthy environments."


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## happyman64

zillard said:


> It does seem like a clear attempt to interject herself into your personal life, rather than a request from a concerned mother. Because she said herself that she believes you are in a relationship. That is selfish and controlling.
> 
> But... how would you want her to respond if you made a request like this - as a concerned father? Would you even make such a request, knowing that her parenting style is now out of your control?
> 
> I think I would make an attempt to deny the request while validating her feelings.
> 
> "I understand that you are concerned about our daughter, but I am perfectly capable of ensuring that she is kept away from confusing and unhealthy environments *unlike yourself*."


I fixed that last sentence in bold!

And ReGroup, the stop sign is great, But if your wife is putting you down or ranting to you just get up and walk out the door. 

And text her this "I do not ask you about your BF because you continue to lie. When you can tell the truth and speak respectfully to me, only then, can we have an open conversation."

Treat her like the child she is.


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## Chuck71

She seems more concerned about your social life than her child. Maybe she is scared you are having more success dating. She is using your D as a conduit to attack you. Self centered 101


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## lee101981

Some of you make it look so easy..... It just seems so much harder for me.... I hate limbo but yet I allow myself to stay there...


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## Chuck71

Lee-It's easy to give advice from the outside looking in.


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## lee101981

I know but it just seems that everyone is moving on and healing faster than I am and it sucks...


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## Chuck71

Lee-giving advice is easy. Taking our own advice.....different story. View my last couple of threads.......things appear different when you look at it from another set of eyes.


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## NoWhere

lee101981 said:


> I know but it just seems that everyone is moving on and healing faster than I am and it sucks...


 No we aren't Lee. Some of us keep everything bottled up inside and try to act like we have moved on. Pure denial in the hopes if we act happy and think positive we will be that way.
I slipped way back myself last week and not sure if I'll recover and pull myself out of this dark place I'm in. 

I think while many of the stories are the same here, there are so many different circumstances and each person is so different that no one will heal and move on at the same pace and many of us will have relapses or feel we are just spinning our wheels.

I think others who have a larger support system of friends are better equipped to deal, but I see that through my own eyes since I have no such system. Maybe if I did I'd still be just as miserable. Who knows.


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## ReGroup

Take it from me lee - it ain't easy. 

I wasted an entire Spring and Summer last year waiting on my spouse to "decide" what she wanted to do with Our lives. I was a wreck - lost 20+ lbs in a couple of months, mostly muscle. I struggled to eat a meal a day. I couldn't focus on getting anything done.

Things started to change with counseling and reading the stories here on TAM.

In time, you'll start to get fed up with your situation. Though you will think of this person, your focus will start to shift and you'll start to make progress. You'll enjoy the progress and seek more of it.

Then things start to get better, subject to relapse here and there of course. 

So don't be hard on yourself - you're going to do a lot of learning.


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## happyman64

ReGroup is right.

Time.

Time to heal.

Time to get strong.

Time to move forward with life again.

Time to tell your spouse or STB Ex or Walk Away Spouse that you need to move because you can no longer tolerate living in Limbo (Lee).

Time to decide that it is time to stop talking to those beautiful puppies, feeling sorry for yourself (relapse) and getting yourself back into circulation so you can live a fulfilling life again (NoWhere).


Nowhere is right. Everyone's conditions and circumstances are different. But when you have reached your limit, when you have decided that where you are currently in your life sucks then that is the time to make a decision. A decision that will change your life for the better.

Because living in limbo is no life at all.

Strength to you all that need it. And to those that do not need it, pass it around to someone that does.....:smthumbup:


Hm64


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## DavidWYoung

I have not read to page eight yet but, STOP BEATING YOUR SELF UP! Now, I am saying that in a nice way with a smile on my face! You REALLY need to lighten up on YOU! You are a good guy, you are OK, your smart, your are one of the people that make the world a good place to be, your wife, not so much. From what I read in the early post you think you are in a race to be a better you and a better husband. That is not the case AT ALL. You were put on this earth to be HAPPY! It is a gift each day to live and to see all the wonderful things out there. Stop thinking of the pain your wife offers you and turn to the rest of the world out there that waits for you. I know the pain that you speak of, I was you for many years. You have a choice to make, a path to follow. Do not follow the Ghost of your STBXW on her path, the woman that you knew is long gone and has been replaced with this POS.You have your own life and happiness to find. Just my 2 cents. David


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## ReGroup

Last night, I had a session of counseling and it went well. We discussed a little bit of my recent past and goals for the future: parenting, work, getting my own place etc... 

Counselor noticed progress in my mood and brought up that in future sessions we focus on my own issues as oppose to the black cloud that has been hanging over my head for the past 8 months.

Today, I sent her an email detailing 12 issues that I would like to address. 

Felt good for the better part of today and then things started heading South.

I started missing my family, the companionship I HAD with my wife, the future we had mapped out, etc... 

I stayed in this state for about an hour. It sucked! After all this time and BS - it still wears on me on occasion. 

What's worse is that I started blaming myself for this whole mess. I wondered how I could have done things differently. 

Stupid, I know - but sometimes you can't stop these rushes in emotions. Its also tough to shorten their length once they get going.

On the bright side, I have booked and planned several activities to do in the city within the next several weeks. I'll be doing some things alone and some with my daughter. Keep myself entertained and maybe build up my social network - while I'm at it.

Now to call my daughter - I'm sure the call will go unanswered as her mother is still upset at the "play date" D4 and I attended last Sunday. FML.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981

Sounds great to me! I hate when those sad times sneak up on me...
Sometimes I look around the house and think of where his stuff should be...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Last night, I had a session of counseling and it went well. We discussed a little bit of my recent past and goals for the future: parenting, work, getting my own place etc...
> 
> Counselor noticed progress in my mood and brought up that in future sessions we focus on my own issues as oppose to the black cloud that has been hanging over my head for the past 8 months.
> 
> Today, I sent her an email detailing 12 issues that I would like to address.
> 
> Felt good for the better part of today and then things started heading South.
> 
> I started missing my family, the companionship I HAD with my wife, the future we had mapped out, etc...
> 
> I stayed in this state for about an hour. It sucked! After all this time and BS - it still wears on me on occasion.
> 
> What's worse is that I started blaming myself for this whole mess. I wondered how I could have done things differently.
> 
> Stupid, I know - but sometimes you can't stop these rushes in emotions. Its also tough to shorten their length once they get going.
> 
> On the bright side, I have booked and planned several activities to do in the city within the next several weeks. I'll be doing some things alone and some with my daughter. Keep myself entertained and maybe build up my social network - while I'm at it.
> 
> Now to call my daughter - I'm sure the call will go unanswered as her mother is still upset at the "play date" D4 and I attended last Sunday. FML.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The emotions are normal. Don't try to bury them. You must mourn the loss of your love relationship and also mourn the loss of your future plans. Allow yourself to feel them completely. Then journal about them. 

And after, try and focus on today. But remember. You can always make new, better, future plans. Start today.


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## lee101981

I journal everynight, kind of let's me write through my emotions, that and praying!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

ReG-It's the familiarity of envisioning everyone there, as a unit. You're recalling the great times, she is the negative. The pendulum will shift eventually. Those dreams can still be achieved by you and your D. And if by chance you meet someone, her as well. Life is a journey, not a destination. If you won a 10k race you will not remember crossing the finish line, it will be at mile seven when you almost gave up. But you dug deep and found your inner spirit.


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## lee101981

Go Chuck71
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

We'll all one day look back at our individual threads and be amused. 

Though we have a lot of catching up to do in detaching - we are putting in the work to resolve our issues. It'll pay off in the long run.

Which reminds me, Chuck... you haven't updated your thread. What's going on brother? You mentioned a few days ago you do freelance writing for sports? Which sport?


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## Chuck71

ReG-I cover any sport. But mainly the four major ones. I try to slant the stories more to life as a ballplayer and the pitfalls many face. I did an exclusive I would say six years ago on why some players took PED. It was from a player's point of view. But writing for the paper made grad school a bike ride in the park (mostly term papers, thesis) but when I was an undergrad I would cringe at writing papers. So the paper is really why my further schooling became so easy. It also helped me in (almost completed) my three book novel. 

I have tried to formulate how to present my next post. I know I'm over thinking this but three months from now, there may be someone in my exact situation and happen to read my posts. It's not heart wrenching in one way but it is in another. Because anyone can see these posts I need to words certain things differently as to keep anyone over my shoulder out of the loop. 

I can't say enough on how I feel for guys (with children) on here who have their wives in MLC / fog / delusion. It's like me facing Nolan Ryan in his prime and saying -I can at least get some wood on one of his pitches- (in relation to these wives who seem frustrated, bored or perceived unhappy. Then I say -I will hit a home run off Ryan- (this false reality where the grass will be greener, their world will fall into place and they can hop and skip away from 10-15-20 years and never regret it. 

When in retrospect as time passes, they do regret it (for the sake of being equal, men can be seen as doing this as well -wink-) but what used to be a lush garden with maybe a few bugs is now carnage similar to the UK after WW2. People today think of the here and now and surmise the future will work itself out. Something like the dictators you see in sub-Saharan Africa in the last fifty years. If any one thinks humanity has evolved, send them to our posts.


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## happyman64

ReGroup

One of the items on your list should be a play date with your daughter again.

Except this time have her pick a different friend with a different Mommy.

SHake her up. You need to do this. And who knows, this Mommy may have some single girlfriends.......


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## ReGroup

HM, I was invited to another function where there will be other single parents in the coming weeks - I'll be sure to look spiffy!

Back to another episode of the insanity in btw my wife's ears - no I didn't respond: 

The longer we are separated the more I realize how weird and
dysfunctional our relationship was. It kills me to feel like that. You have shown no sort of camaraderie, love or respect. we never functioned as a unit or as a family. just separated in every way. It's sad. My goal now is to be able to truly move on from you and the new found anger I have discovered for you. It will only hurt me in the end and my health.

I don't know if you need to be slapped hard across your head or need to be shaken or if something truly traumatic needs to happen to you to realize what you are doing and what you did during our time together. I have never had someone mess with my head or heart as much as you
have...

--------------------

By separate lives? She means that I liked to play basketball and visit friends (w/ her) who had their own families w/ kids who happened to bond with our D4 on weekends.

She was the one partying and doing things w/ her friends.

Dysfunction? She's probably speaking of me not being as affectionate as she had hoped. Mind you - we lasted 9 years together.

I'm sure she never thinks of all the false accusations she made of me, her yelling and flinging insults, mood swings, silent treatments, refusing to forgive etc... No, none of that caused dysfunction? She once mentioned that all of her relationships have been volatile - maybe they All were because she was a part of them? Yeah... Because I'm the opposite of volatile.

Yes, I brought issues with me as well, but let's stop pointing fingers.

The more detached I become the more that gets flung my way.

FYI: The OM must not be doing that great job if I'm still on the receiving end of these BS Emails.

IC mentioned that she probably wants to be chased - Oh hell no! Kill that noise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981

Sounds like excuses to me...


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## Chuck71

ReG-Sounds to me there is more hatred inside her than you. Why? She walked out, she gave up and sought a fairy tale life. Didn't happen. And in her eyes it is your fault. Her entire day is filled with thoughts of how dare he have more fun than me, how dare he move on before me.

So I ask you.........does ReG want to return to that? You thought she was bad in the M.......now look at her. If she can be a thorn in your side as long as your D is under 18.....bet the farm she will. How do I know this? My 2nd love's mother was the exact same way. My g/f's little brother would come home from his dad's........first question.............'did he send the check?' Never cared to ask if he had a good time.

Dad said....want to see your g/f in twenty-five years.....look at her mom. That's a hint. And he was right.


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## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> Dad said....want to see your g/f in twenty-five years.....look at her mom. That's a hint. And he was right.


So true! My stbxw is now holed up in her apartment having pushed her loved ones and daughter away, full of self hatred but blaming others for her situation.

Where is her mother? 60 miles away doing the exact same thing.


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## ReGroup

Well my MIL is assumed to be Bi Polar, is a weed head, with unusual social skills.

Red Flags all over the place and I chose to ignore them - never again.

I wouldn't say my wife is BP - but she has done things to raise an eye brow.

Lesson learned. Though, I certainly - like I have maintained, have my own issues I need to address.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981

We all have issues!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Reg-You were in love, don't beat yourself up. Your MiL probably smokes three joints and watches Dobie Gillis re-runs. Winner! I have issues but the key is, I'm the first to tell you. If you did not have issues.....that would be a bit scary. Everyone has a vice, from food addiction to anorexia; porn addiction to dogmatic illusions of superiority. 

Love will make you do the craziest things. When that 2nd ex I mentioned broke up with me. I chased, begged, pleaded. Did nothing. I gave up, moved on, dated a girl who I know good and well my ex considered better looking than her. She came after me like a freight train. Funny how things can change on a dime. And in your case, when you find that special lady....look in your rear view mirror. I have a Ben Franklin she will be charging from the rear.

So many people have a good life and don't even know it. My dad and I did not get along much at all growing up. He was an old school -by god- which means stubburn as an ox but extremely driven. I was just an updated version of him. If it was cars or finance....we could talk for hours but nothing much else. He never thought I listened to him. Oh was he so wrong. He passed away in my early 20's and it's been nearly twenty years. But I still use his advice to me for others.

But ReG back on topic, you will find that special lady but try not to judge her by the sins of what your ex wife did. And I will lay a dollar to a penny your ex will vilify you to her next beau but will soon cast the light on their issues..........or as I would conclude, her own issues disguised as his (and yours when you were with her).


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## lee101981

Great advice Chuck71
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko

Entitled princess' will never be satisfied.

On your next relationships pay more attention to red flags, and discard any even if she is a 10.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

Sometimes I wonder - is it better to have a walk away spouse, who's completely finished (shuts you out entirely) or one who still fishes for some sort emotional connection. 

Depends on your mindset I guess. If you haven't moved on, I'm sure the 2nd example would be a complete mind f*ck. But if you are in a good place within yourself and know NOT to take it all that seriously you can at least recognize that the person doing the fishing cares just a tad (in their own FUp'd way).

I am still getting bombarded with text and emails - not paying them much mind - I am just happy I have reached some sense of self control and awareness to recognize her intentions.

I still care for the woman - even though she's changed (at least towards me)... But I am certainly disconnecting to the point where its pissing her off. Not with the intention of any kind of malice but to survive and become a healthy and sane young man again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Sometimes I wonder - is it better to have a walk away spouse, who's completely finished (shuts you out entirely) or one who still fishes for some sort emotional connection.
> 
> Depends on your mindset I guess. If you haven't moved on, I'm sure the 2nd example would be a complete mind f*ck. But if you are in a good place within yourself and know NOT to take it all that seriously you can at least recognize that the person doing the fishing cares just a tad (in their own FUp'd way).
> 
> I am still getting bombarded with text and emails - not paying them much mind - I am just happy I have reached some sense of self control and awareness to recognize her intentions.
> 
> I still care for the woman - even though she's changed (at least towards me)... But I am certainly disconnecting to the point where its pissing her off. Not with the intention of any kind of malice but to survive and become a healthy and sane young man again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd rather someone hate me or at least be fully committed in their decision to leave than play the wishy washy ambivalence dance for months or years.


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## loveispatient

I thought I had a walkway spouse, but he's been giving me so many mixed signals that I am starting to WISH he was a walkaway spouse! 

Problem is we can't help who we love, but I'm hoping to at least be sane SOON.


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## lee101981

loveispatient said:


> I thought I had a walkway spouse, but he's been giving me so many mixed signals that I am starting to WISH he was a walkaway spouse!
> 
> Problem is we can't help who we love, but I'm hoping to at least be sane SOON.


Just cause you love someone does not make that person right for us


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## Chuck71

ReG-There is always going to be that part of you that sees that part of her that you loved. Reason so many get back together down the road. But as long as you can separate yourself from the 'wouldn't it be nice' and 'reality', you will be fine. She knows she lost a great dude.....once you accepted things, she began questioning her decision. Very common.


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## Chuck71

ReG-How are things going?


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## ReGroup

What's up Chuck? I guess its time for an update.

The flu got a hold of me this past week - still battling it. That along with (extra) work has preoccupied my mind. Can't complain as its been a good distraction.

A week ago, the wife went away for the weekend and spoke to a lawyer. They discuss, as she explained to me the key points in finalizing the end of our marriage: custody plans, assets, child support, and reason for divorce. 

We are in agreement w/ most issues with the exception of the child care support. She's having financial hardship as she put it (mentioning that she might have to cut the cable) and wants more financial help. I have run the figures and I am paying what I am suppose to. 

She claims she's not trying to screw me over - that if she was, she would request that I pay a portion of her student loan debt, go after property owned by mother Lol(I helped her pay for them), and my savings.

During the course our relationship I stressed that we focus on getting out of debt. She was lax with hers, while I have nearly taken care of mine. We started off owing roughly the same amount, but she finds herself now in the same financial situation 5 years later. 

Towards the end of the discussion she says, "is this what you want?" - referring to the divorce. She goes to see a lawyer without giving me a heads up and is asking me that question? 

Of course the following day she email bombs me about me taking this news all to well - that I must be seeing someone and have replaced her. I had a play-date as I posted a few weeks back and suddenly in her eyes, I'm in a relationship. Projection at its best.

Going back to the key points, she doesn't have much to go on. I won't be paying her debt, I won't be paying more in support and she won't crack my savings. If she makes an attempt, I'll go after her pension which is much better than mine; I'll put that one in my back pocket. 

Everything else is status quo - she still lying about her "friend" to everyone and I'm having the time of my life with my daughter.

Wife asks constantly if I'm happy and indeed I am. The focus I put into trying to repair our marriage has been transferred to laser like focus on myself and my daughter. Every time I am with DD4 she has my undivided attention. Its gotten to the point that her mother has requested that we ease up on our activities together as DD4 might consider time w/ her "downtime". 

Wife claims she's not happy and asked a few days ago if I wanted her to move on. That she's not over me. I just shook my head, not in confusion but in pity. It didn't need to be this way. 

She attempted to be intimate with me this past week and I denied her request. Who has this person become? Is she that confused? 

This divorce won't solve any of our problems, it'll just continue to create a whole slew of new ones - it didn't have to be this way, but I am done trying to explain that to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lee101981

Sounds like things are moving forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Wife claims she's not happy and asked a few days ago if I wanted her to move on. That she's not over me. I just shook my head, not in confusion but in pity. It didn't need to be this way.


Sounds like you're doing great RG! Good on ya. 

It really is a pity, isn't it? It's not like we want to see them miserable, which they seem to think sometimes. We have just decided to no longer be miserable ourselves and demand respect. 

My stbxw told me last week in counseling that she never wanted this. And doesn't want me to move away. Even though she asked for divorce, asked me to file, thanked me for doing so, and gave me D6.

I did what you did. Shook my head.


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## Chuck71

"Towards the end of the discussion she says, "is this what you want?" - referring to the divorce"

Ahhhhh.....looking for an opening to place her hooks.

"This divorce won't solve any of our problems, it'll just continue to create a whole slew of new ones - it didn't have to be this way, but I am done trying to explain that to her."

Most excellent! Funny she blew everything up but is now the unsure one. Running around like a chicken with head cut off. So encapsulated with your daily life, she can't even live hers. It must sukc being her. Her advances, which you spurned, let her know fast...she has lost her hold on you. You are in such a positive place now. Something like when Neo learned his gift on Matrix. You once prayed / desired for a R but you question it now. Good bet she knows where you stand....reason why she is back pedaling.


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## gulfwarvet

Regroup -I think your really handling this well.Your seeing her for what she is -a mess.Have her back in your life and your life will just be that.She tries to get you back in the "lions den" again I would be like" sorry I got a pressing engagement gotta go"-then get out of dodge!There is nothing you really need to hear from her other than talk about your kid.God- I really hate these situations where om/ow gets in the middle of the marriage


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## bff

Really proud of you, RG, for standing your ground on so many things in this last "round". Good for you. I can't imagine a better decision for you than focusing on you and your daughter. Good on ya, mate!

BFF


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## lee101981

Just checking in on you...

How are you?


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## ReGroup

God, I'm beginning to utterly despise this woman.
Via text she informs me that she's leaving DD4 with me for a week in March. Tells me, not asks - not even a conversation. 

She can do as she pleases - don't get me wrong; but considering my work commute - its a burden. She definitely knows this. Dropping off and picking up DD4 from Pre K is going to be nearly impossible on my own.
Considerations go out the window I guess. I don't even know how to respond.

Then their is the complaining about money and how she's getting the short end of the stick. She is most likely taking a vacation with her "friend" and complaining about money?

I don't know how to go about this. It infuriates me. 

Life must be great in PosW and PosOM Land. 

I'm basically working long hours, getting my stuff together, and dealing with the ups and downs alone.

I try to keep a positive outlook on things but then their are moments like this that I wonder - what in the hell happened?

I'm doing the best to keep focused on my goals, but the journey to attain them are daunting as hell.

Maybe in the long run it is what is best for all of us... Learn and experience all of this on our own and then we'll be ready for whatever when the time comes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

You are seeing her without the mask. More concerned about "friend" than daughter. That shows you where her priorities are. She should do you a favor and just give you perm custody and go live her pathetic fairy tale life. Buy her a "hit me" sign, the karma train is 'a comin'. Hang in there ReG.......pm me if you need to vent or chat......


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## K.C.

At least you can clearly see her for what she is now. Inconsiderate and delusional. Like you say focus on you and the little one. 

The road ahead may be difficult and up hill, but when you get to the top, the view will be amazing.


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## ReGroup

Thanks Chuck and KC. I will PM you Chuck - I'm going to vent away. I'm lucky to have a counseling session tonight as well. Flush these vibes out of the system.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rsersen

Boy, reading your story is like reading the last couple months of my life. Together 8 years, living together for 6, married for 4. Same complaints about me - withdrawn at times, unavailable, not affectionate enough, etc. They had merit, I'll admit. Wife started going out more and choosing her social life over the marriage, as I jumped through hoops to save it, only to continue getting the same criticisms. OM came into the picture around the same time. Only difference is I never even got the chance to get her to reinvest - on d-day, she simply left (under the guise of "space" and "working on us"), and a few days later told me she wanted a divorce. So I'm giving it to her.

It's been hell, but I'm glad to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry you had/have to go through this as well.


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## ReGroup

rsersen, did you post your story? Each side plays a hand in the demise. That's what I had to get through my thick skull. As I further myself from this mess I see it clearer. In the beginning, I shouldered all of the blame. That was my fault - it stunted my healing.

Don't do the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

rsersen, did you post your story? Each side plays a hand in the demise. That's what I had to get through my thick skull. As I further myself from this mess I see it clearer. In the beginning, I shouldered all of the blame. That was my fault - it stunted my healing and growth.

Don't do the same.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> God, I'm beginning to utterly despise this woman.
> Via text she informs me that she's leaving DD4 with me for a week in March. Tells me, not asks - not even a conversation.


Do you have a parenting plan / custody agreement yet?

Mine was doing this too. Informing but not asking. I corrected it and she is now asking politely. 

I stressed that on those days she is legally responsible for kiddo. If she must get someone to watch kiddo she is legally obligated to ASK me first, but I am not automatically available. 

I told her I understand her work is important and things come up but I prefer to be asked and not told. Would she please take that into consideration. 

I then gave her this formula:

Z, do you have plans on ____, because _____. Will you please _____. 

After she tried informing again. I told her I will consider helping her out but my willingness to do so depends on when and how she asks. 

She now uses please and thank you. Still no question marks at the end of her questions, but is definitely progress. lol


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## rsersen

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...ed-pa-then-left-doesnt-think-she-cheated.html

My story's been in the Coping with Infidelity section, although one of these evenings when I have time I'll start my own here, since this is the more fitting forum for it.

Before and immediately after she left, I did shoulder a lot of the blame. At the time I was still being gas-lighted, and although I had evidence, at the time what I had wasn't enough to fully convince myself that it was an affair. So I went crazy for days wondering if my gut was right, or if I was looking to play the victim and I was crazy.

Like I said, my faults are mine to own. I need to fix them for my own sake, and for my future relationships, and counseling is helping a lot with that. On the other hand, she's the one who quit on us, broke her vows, and engaged in an affair because she was too cowardly to stand up on her own and leave - she had to wait for the next ship to sail by before jumping. None of that is my fault.


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## Voltaire

Wow, REGroup. I've just read the whole thread. You've done incredibly well, dealing with a very tricky situation. Well Done!

I appreciate your comments to me all the more having read your remarkable and inspiring story. Keep going!


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## gulfwarvet

Definitely know how it is to have an ex who doesn't hold up their end with the kids.3 years in court mostly battling over the kids, ink isn't dry on the custody papers she gets a boyfriend and now the kids that were so important before are largely secondary.Last week daughter was sick ex takes off to the boyfriends 100 miles away so she stays with me.2 weeks later same scenario.WTH !!!


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## warlock07

To think that she complains about your inattention to her when she is with another guy just baffles me. She tries to guilt you when she having sex with another guy!! She somehow assumed that you will always be there.

Maybe you should make that clear to her. Tell her she lost the right to ask for you attention, sympathy or care when she chose to lie to you and have relationships other men. And that getting back isn't an option.(She seems to think you will wait for her while tests the waters). Make it absolutely clear if you haven't already. R depends on both the parties.

Do you think you will get back with her if she asks for it ?


Also, have you read about bipolar or BPS symptoms (you mentioned her mom being one)? I think she is exhibiting some related behaviors.(those texts messages)( But I can be erong. Please read some literature if you haven't already.


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## Chuck71

Gulf-Fog is understatement. What is not understatement is when the reality of dismissing her children for a POA will bring. Be glad you are not around when the blowback hits her.


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## ReGroup

Another drama filled weekend… when will it end.

As you guys and gals know – The East was pummeled with a blizzard this weekend. Though it is inconvenient for some, it presents a great opportunities for children – as they LOVE snow. 

Earlier in the week – The wife and I had agreed that I would pick up D4 from Day Care this past Friday. I of course was looking forward to it. As the day approached, the wife expressed concern about the conditions. She didn’t want me going out of my way to pick up my daughter. I expressed that I didn’t have any issues, no matter what the conditions were. She in turn calls me “a bully and a typical man”. That I only want my daughter around me because I am seeing someone with a child (again, not true) and when it conveniences me. She’s upset that I didn’t take my daughter to a Super Bowl Party the Sunday before – my reasoning being that I was going to get back home late and the day after was a school day. She didn’t think that was a good enough reason. In truth, she wanted to go to her own party.

When I get to her place – she wants to discuss the dissolution of our marriage. I agree to have the conversation and we discuss the main topics. It was pretty cordial w/ some flair ups. She doesn’t like the fact that I am taking this a little to calmly – though it pains me, there is no way I’m going to let her see it. She stressed that we be friends for D4’s sake. She also mentions that every time she sees me – she cries after I leave. <----- It didn’t have to be this way. 

On Saturday, I got together with some parents who have children my daughter’s age and we treat the kids to a whole range of snow activities. It was awesome. All the kids were able to enjoy themselves with some bob sledding, creating a horrible snow man, and some snow throwing. Why would the wife not want to participate in these types of activities even though we are where we are boggles my mind. Though every time I even consider inviting her, I think a few months back to her saying ”we can’t do stuff together as it will only confuse D4”. Like having another man around my child isn’t confusing her enough. 

Afterwards, we head to one of the parent’s home to have hot chocolate. 

It was painful hearing the parents being in sync, discussing their children and how they would collectively work together to give their kids the best future possible. I sat there in silence, wanting to grab a drink or disappear.

We then went to a family function. They all adore my daughter and it’s great to know that she’ll always have some semblance of family after the dust settles. My wife’s family is as dysfunctional as they come. I hope that on weekends I can expose her to some stability.

Then Sunday comes around and the real drama begins. I’ll post a little later.


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## ReGroup

Small edit: DayCare was closed early on Friday so I had to pick up D4 at my wife's place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard

Let's be friends for daughter's sake.
We can't spend time together it will confuse her.
I'm upset that you didn't take your daughter last Sunday.
You're a bully for taking her this weekend.
Please be my plan B. How dare you see anyone else. 

Sounds just like mine. All over the freakin map = no clue what she really wants. The only thing she's sure of is you should be her doormat no matter how much dogship she steps in.


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## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Small edit: DayCare was closed early on Friday so I had to pick up D4 at my wife's place.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's only doing to you that which you allow.


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## ReGroup

You're right Conrad - it's something that I still need working on. If you read some of my thread, I show glimpses of being able to prevent it but I am not as consistent as I liked to be.

"The only thing she's sure of is you should be her doormat no matter how much dogship she steps in." So true Z.

So on Sunday, my wife asked me to have a sit down with my cousin. My wife has been concerned that I have been spreading “untrue” gossip to family and friends about her – She feels that, because people are no longer reaching out to her in my circle, that I must be spreading lies about her “situation” – She doesn’t want people thinking that she left me for another man. She fails to realize that herr actions are doing all the talking for her.

I agree to the sit down. We both think highly of my cousin as she is well versed in giving solid advice. She was in a similar situation with her husband a year ago and feels that she could help. She and her husband were able to overcome a direr situation after a brief falling out.

The discussion started off amicable. We spoke about our issues, anger and resentment. 

We both took turns discussing where we felt our problems stemmed from. 

I was quick to own up to my flaws – I don’t mind sharing that: I wasn’t as affectionate as she would have wanted, told dumb lies earlier in our relationship and I withdrawal at times.

She brought up her misgivings but always gave a reason for it. She would mention something like partying too much but always made an excuse i.e.… I was miserable at home so I went out. 

To this day, she won’t own up to the problems that she caused – something made her act/say something. She was never one to apologize – it’s like pulling teeth for her.

She complained about her insecurities when being around me – that I didn’t put her on a pedestal. 

I feel like I could have done a better job at acknowledging her more – as stated previously I am not the most affectionate person in the world… It’s something that I could have put more effort in. I own that. I played a hand in her insecurities by not complimenting her enough etc…

We went back and forth – my cousin at a point put a stop to it saying, “you both could have done things better – you are like most couples… these are things that could be worked on”.

Wife stated that I had a character trait that would prevent me from becoming the person that she needs me to be. I responded that its fine – I want to continue to be me. 

She goes on a tangent that I never loved her, that I don’t want her back, that I didn’t beg her during our separation, that I didn’t cry, that I didn’t drunk dial her, that I would go days without asking how she was doing etc… She explained that she wanted “fireworks” during our separation. I countered that “fireworks” would only be a temporary solution – that we would eventually be in the same place if we didn’t address and work our core issues – that the “fireworks” could have come afterwards. 

We spoke about parenting somewhat and that’s when 3rd parties were brought up.

Wife immediately states that I am seeing someone. She called this imaginary person a wh*re and a bi*ch – that I finally have found someone of my own race and that I must be happy and content. It’s the reason why I am so happy. SMH. Truthfully, I am happy because I am no longer worried about the course of the marriage and REALLY enjoying the time I get to spend to my daughter. This woman insists that you can only be happy if you’re with someone. 

When the focus goes back her – she gets defensive, irate, and snarky. She admits that her coworker is in love with her – that he is around for support; only a friend. My cousin quickly picks up on this as she states, “why are you having this man around your daughter when you are still married and have unresolved issues with ReGroup – you work in the school system as a person who works with kids – how would you advise a parent in your situation”. She replied, “Follow your heart”. My cousin was baffled. My cousin then asks, “Are you pursuing a relationship with this man”? Wife replies, “I’m not even thinking about that”. Then my cousin asks, “Why then do you have this man in your daughter’s life”.

I felt like was watching a train wreck. She doesn’t know what to say. I mention what she told me back in November, that this guy 3 months previously showed her what type of man she wanted to be with. I add that 3 months prior was when we started marriage counseling and when she sat me down wanting to reconcile. 

She started getting angry and uncomfortable – her stories weren’t adding up. She wanted to get sympathy from my cousin and she was losing it.

We break for a bit at my wife’s request. She starts crying and states that she is still in love with me – that she goes to sleep thinking of me and wakes up thinking of me. BS, I know.

At that point, she request that we stop in order to get D4 home because tomorrow was a school day. At that point, my daughter refuses to depart from me. She’s wrapped around my leg. My wife claims that she doesn’t want to leave because the TV is on. This idiot (I’m sorry) can’t realize that she doesn’t want to leave her father. Eventually after some consoling she unwraps herself from me and goes off with her mother. 

My cousin and I spoke afterwards and she said, “I feel for her. She’s her own worst enemy and she doesn’t even know it. She’s being selfish and isn’t considering her daughter because she is caught up in her own sh*t. You need to remove yourself completely from that woman before she brings you down with her. She loves you in her own sick way– but you need to cut your losses. I had never known her to be a liar - wow. She is going to crash soon enough. Don’t be around when it happens.”

Today she texted my cousin questioning whether I was lying about seeing someone – her claims were immediately rebuffed. She told her: going forward, ReGroup isn’t responsible for the image in the eyes of people – you’re. 

She also texted me: That I shouldn’t have said some of things that I said; that it wasn’t cool – that some of it should be left between her and I.

She wanted this meet to clear her name – It only made her look worse.


----------



## zillard

Oi. Mine was similarly worried about what I was telling people. I wrote about it in my thread. But basically the same. Doesn't want to be known as a cheater or crazy. 

I told her flat out that I will not remain silent and I will not lie. Gave her an opportunity to tell me what she would like me to say that wasn't a lie. She folded. 

It's no longer your responsibility to protect her reputation. That's where exposure comes in. The more people that know, the harder it is for her to hide. The harder it is for her to alleviate her own guilt and remain in fantasy land.

It gives her a choice: own it and be accountable so you can face the people you care about, or retreat and be miserable. 

Amazing how they cannot see how obvious it is to everyone while they are in the fog. When I tell people I am getting divorced and I have D6, the common response is "there's another man". Not a question... a statement.


----------



## Conrad

http://www.lynneforrest.com/html/the_faces_of_victim.html




ReGroup said:


> You're right Conrad - it's something that I still need working on. If you read some of my thread, I show glimpses of being able to prevent it but I am not as consistent as I liked to be.
> 
> "The only thing she's sure of is you should be her doormat no matter how much dogship she steps in." So true Z.
> 
> So on Sunday, my wife asked me to have a sit down with my cousin. My wife has been concerned that I have been spreading “untrue” gossip to family and friends about her – She feels that, because people are no longer reaching out to her in my circle, that I must be spreading lies about her “situation” – She doesn’t want people thinking that she left me for another man. She fails to realize that herr actions are doing all the talking for her.
> 
> I agree to the sit down. We both think highly of my cousin as she is well versed in giving solid advice. She was in a similar situation with her husband a year ago and feels that she could help. She and her husband were able to overcome a direr situation after a brief falling out.
> 
> The discussion started off amicable. We spoke about our issues, anger and resentment.
> 
> We both took turns discussing where we felt our problems stemmed from.
> 
> I was quick to own up to my flaws – I don’t mind sharing that: I wasn’t as affectionate as she would have wanted, told dumb lies earlier in our relationship and I withdrawal at times.
> 
> She brought up her misgivings but always gave a reason for it. She would mention something like partying too much but always made an excuse i.e.… I was miserable at home so I went out.
> 
> To this day, she won’t own up to the problems that she caused – something made her act/say something. She was never one to apologize – it’s like pulling teeth for her.
> 
> She complained about her insecurities when being around me – that I didn’t put her on a pedestal.
> 
> I feel like I could have done a better job at acknowledging her more – as stated previously I am not the most affectionate person in the world… It’s something that I could have put more effort in. I own that. I played a hand in her insecurities by not complimenting her enough etc…
> 
> We went back and forth – my cousin at a point put a stop to it saying, “you both could have done things better – you are like most couples… these are things that could be worked on”.
> 
> Wife stated that I had a character trait that would prevent me from becoming the person that she needs me to be. I responded that its fine – I want to continue to be me.
> 
> She goes on a tangent that I never loved her, that I don’t want her back, that I didn’t beg her during our separation, that I didn’t cry, that I didn’t drunk dial her, that I would go days without asking how she was doing etc… She explained that she wanted “fireworks” during our separation. I countered that “fireworks” would only be a temporary solution – that we would eventually be in the same place if we didn’t address and work our core issues – that the “fireworks” could have come afterwards.
> 
> We spoke about parenting somewhat and that’s when 3rd parties were brought up.
> 
> Wife immediately states that I am seeing someone. She called this imaginary person a wh*re and a bi*ch – that I finally have found someone of my own race and that I must be happy and content. It’s the reason why I am so happy. SMH. Truthfully, I am happy because I am no longer worried about the course of the marriage and REALLY enjoying the time I get to spend to my daughter. This woman insists that you can only be happy if you’re with someone.
> 
> When the focus goes back her – she gets defensive, irate, and snarky. She admits that her coworker is in love with her – that he is around for support; only a friend. My cousin quickly picks up on this as she states, “why are you having this man around your daughter when you are still married and have unresolved issues with ReGroup – you work in the school system as a person who works with kids – how would you advise a parent in your situation”. She replied, “Follow your heart”. My cousin was baffled. My cousin then asks, “Are you pursuing a relationship with this man”? Wife replies, “I’m not even thinking about that”. Then my cousin asks, “Why then do you have this man in your daughter’s life”.
> 
> I felt like was watching a train wreck. She doesn’t know what to say. I mention what she told me back in November, that this guy 3 months previously showed her what type of man she wanted to be with. I add that 3 months prior was when we started marriage counseling and when she sat me down wanting to reconcile.
> 
> She started getting angry and uncomfortable – her stories weren’t adding up. She wanted to get sympathy from my cousin and she was losing it.
> 
> We break for a bit at my wife’s request. She starts crying and states that she is still in love with me – that she goes to sleep thinking of me and wakes up thinking of me. BS, I know.
> 
> At that point, she request that we stop in order to get D4 home because tomorrow was a school day. At that point, my daughter refuses to depart from me. She’s wrapped around my leg. My wife claims that she doesn’t want to leave because the TV is on. This idiot (I’m sorry) can’t realize that she doesn’t want to leave her father. Eventually after some consoling she unwraps herself from me and goes off with her mother.
> 
> My cousin and I spoke afterwards and she said, “I feel for her. She’s her own worst enemy and she doesn’t even know it. She’s being selfish and isn’t considering her daughter because she is caught up in her own sh*t. You need to remove yourself completely from that woman before she brings you down with her. She loves you in her own sick way– but you need to cut your losses. I had never known her to be a liar - wow. She is going to crash soon enough. Don’t be around when it happens.”
> 
> Today she texted my cousin questioning whether I was lying about seeing someone – her claims were immediately rebuffed. She told her: going forward, ReGroup isn’t responsible for the image in the eyes of people – you’re.
> 
> She also texted me: That I shouldn’t have said some of things that I said; that it wasn’t cool – that some of it should be left between her and I.
> 
> She wanted this meet to clear her name – It only made her look worse.


----------



## Chuck71

ReG-I have to refrain from posting until tomorrow. It would be hard to "misspell" so many words to jump the filter.


----------



## ReGroup

Just learned that my wife invited my mother to a Valentine's Dinner on Thursday.

Things can't get stranger.

I can guess what her true intentions are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

Did your mom say no?

Were you invited?

Does your wife live on crazy street?


----------



## gulfwarvet

WTF!?-Have your mom stand her up.:smthumbup:


----------



## ReGroup

She's crazy like a fox.

If she's with my mother - it appears she has No Valentine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> She's crazy like a fox.
> 
> If she's with my mother - it appears she has No Valentine.


Or that's the perfect way to make everyone think that after the cousin debacle.


----------



## ReGroup

Seriously, who is this woman?

She's been given the green light to move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

ReG-Be thankful she will soon be your ex. Your cousin nailed her to the wall but she (W) was her own worst enemy. She wants to make rules up as she goes but, in fairness, she is in the education system. Might be where she gets that from.

She is fully aware she is guilty as a stripped snake. But she can not admit to it. That would show a weakness and heaven forbid....she do that. My now ex (hooray!) is the same way and is now suffering from it. Her actions are clear....what she wants will trumph what anyone wants.....yes daughter included.

ReG you have to be the casanova since the W accusses you of have multiple g/f. Her day is roll call, lesson plans, planning period-where she stews at the copy room about all the sane women you will meet. Maybe she is just nervous about you realizing there are millions of females out there who would make her a quick memory.

It may be possible she admitted to herself she can not keep a guy unless she serves it up and you were not that bad after all. Maybe she acknowledges her flaws after your meeting. A possible retreat and rose tossing in hopes of getting you back. Was not too long ago she offered it up to you. She wants control but is the type, when she gets it she has no freaking clue how to use it.

Her, like my ex, can not handle money. The deck of cards she has is not sturdy. I am glad you can now see things for what they are. You have to right now due to most things she does leading up to D final will be erratic and scattered. Hopefully the young one will come out of this unharmed. Keep in mind......some spouses will use the child(ren) to manipulate or agonize the other.


----------



## ReGroup

Too funny.

I get what you mean. 

I don't want to give off the impression that she was a bad wife or ever a bad mother. Things were definitely rocky before our separation. We tried to communicate that to each other but got no where. 

But what is going on now - is straight non sense.

She texted me yesterday in regards to our relationship and I responded, "our marriage is dead, lets focus on D4" and she was somehow offended by it. 

She complains that we lost our connection. I don't know what couple maintains a connection when they're not spending time together or have some type of 3rd party involvement.

As far as to being a casanova - my self confidence was slammed during this entire ordeal. I'm trying to gain it back. I'm still in the picking up the pieces stage. 

Chuck, how are you doing? It's been a couple of weeks before your paper work was finalized. Are you holding up ok?


----------



## Chuck71

Yes I only imply about her behavior after everything went up in smoke. I am about ready to post a final on Crossroads......and start a new one in LaD. She did file bankruptcy as I predicted back in December. The day I ripped the non-negotiable from the tablet.....I went out with someone else that night. Weird? Ohhhhh yes....any dog hair on her clothes? Not a one!


----------



## Conrad

She's banging posOM and complaining about your "lost connection?"


----------



## ReGroup

No more dogs Chuck!

Conrad, she's all over the place. I find myself trying to understand what she is communicating. Their is hypocrisy in everything she says. 

Its the strangest thing - yet I think back and it's always been like this!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No more dogs Chuck!
> 
> Conrad, she's all over the place. I find myself trying to understand what she is communicating. Their is hypocrisy in everything she says.
> 
> Its the strangest thing - yet I think back and it's always been like this!


Of course it has.

You were too busy in your own head fixing to take note of it.


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## ReGroup

Called D4 just now and she is looking forward to her weekend pick up: "Big Buddy, are you picking me up on Friday?" - she's awesome.

Then my wife gets on the phone - starts complaining about purchasing Valentine's Day cards and having to bake cookies for the kids in DD4's class - "See these are the things that you don't appreciate that I have to deal with; I make purchases that mount up and participate in activities that take up my time" - she sounded annoyed as she clearly does not want to do these things.

I tell her that she's not obligated to do any of that stuff.

She then says that I'll never understand. She calls herself Super Mom and lists a few other things that she has done in the past.

Though admirable, she puts herself in positions where she does things she does not want to do. 

Then seeks approval for a job well done. Give to get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Called D4 just now and she is looking forward to her weekend pick up: "Big Buddy, are you picking me up on Friday?" - she's awesome.
> 
> Then my wife gets on the phone - starts complaining about purchasing Valentine's Day cards and having to bake cookies for the kids in DD4's class - "See these are the things that you don't appreciate that I have to deal with; I make purchases that mount up and participate in activities that take up my time" - she sounded annoyed as she clearly does not want to do these things.
> 
> I tell her that she's not obligated to do any of that stuff.
> 
> She then says that I'll never understand. She calls herself Super Mom and lists a few other things that she has done in the past.
> 
> Though admirable, she puts herself in positions where she does things she does not want to do.
> 
> Then seeks approval for a job well done. Give to get.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


C'mon bro... repeat after me...

"I'm sorry you feel that way"


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## ReGroup

Using neutral language I get that - I just have trouble executing. 

I can't shut off the urge to get involved in some way even though it shouldn't be my place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Using neutral language I get that - I just have trouble executing.
> 
> I can't shut off the urge to get involved in some way even though it shouldn't be my place.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a process.

Be patient with yourself.

Just remember, anytime you make it about you = weak.


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## zillard

ReGroup said:


> "See these are the things that *you don't appreciate* that *I have to deal with*


:rofl:


----------



## coachman

Conrad said:


> It's a process.
> 
> Be patient with yourself.
> 
> *Just remember, anytime you make it about you = weak*.


Conrad can you clarify/elaborate a little on this?
Are you saying that you=needy?


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## Conrad

coachman said:


> Conrad can you clarify/elaborate a little on this?
> Are you saying that you=needy?


Anytime you strive for vindication/validation of past hurts.

It simply smells weak.

Or, anytime you justify "losing it" in response to something someone else did... they went over the line, whatever = weak.

Subconsciously, women interpret restraint as strength.

Speak truth - do not justify or blameshift.


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## ReGroup

I'm not going to lie - it was a lousy freaking day. It was long and grueling. It was tough. I tried Not to think of my wife but the more I resisted - the more I remembered. I'm worn out. 

I identified my feelings and felt like I was able to ride them out - I don't even know if that makes sense.

Their was NC btw us and I am ok w/ that. No, not true - I am a little disappointed - who am I kidding...
The wife had dinner w/ my mother tonight - I won't even broach the subject with either of them.

Odd day. Happy birthday day Z and Poppa Chuck - their was some light Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gulfwarvet

I have not comunicated with my ex in months and I can honestly say I'm better off for it.Since I have the majority of custody of one child and she has the other I let it be known thats how we were going to divy up expenses end of story.See if you can figure out a way to keep things simple,it leads to less to do with the ex.


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## ReGroup

Logically, I know it is what's best - to approach it that way... But GWV, is that something you both had to learn the hard way or did you guys immediately get?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BFGuru

gulfwarvet said:


> I have not comunicated with my ex in months and I can honestly say I'm better off for it.Since I have the majority of custody of one child and she has the other I let it be known thats how we were going to divy up expenses end of story.See if you can figure out a way to keep things simple,it leads to less to do with the ex.


How do you emotionally handle not seeing the other child just as much?


----------



## ReGroup

BFG - sometimes I hope this is just a bad dream. The thought that this will be the indefinite routine kills me at times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

BFG - sometimes I hope this is just a bad dream. The thought that this will be the indefinite routine kills me at times.

The kids never asked for this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BFGuru

I hear ya RG.


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## gulfwarvet

My tale is a long sordid one 3 years 2months in court.Went through several custody arrangements.Got to the point where my oldest daughter was not a factor she was on the eve of graduating HS.Actually not seeing the one daughter as much works out for the best as she is a little difficult and demanding.By the time you get done with a long drug out war like I was in your pretty much done talking with ex anyway.The longer it went on the less we communicated to now I simply don't want to deal with her.


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## BFGuru

I'm sorry it ended that way. It sounds like you are ok with it though?


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## Chuck71

ReG-Certain days will be worse than others. How am I doing now....I am doing better than anticipated. Fast forward to May and what would have been our 14th ann. or to August and had been togethger 16 yrs. I have a feeling those days will prey on my mind when time comes.

But stay focused on your objective. The more she initiates contact....take a step back. Clear pictures are always better.


----------



## whitehawk

BFGuru said:


> How do you emotionally handle not seeing the other child just as much?



and splitting them up like that , l'd go another way l'm afraid , l wouldn't want that sorry.


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## whitehawk

you know it's proven and common sense anyway but the happiest kids and separations are worked out between themselves., no courts or mediation - by a mile.

both parents throwing aside their bs and trying to mutually do what's fair and best for the kids and each other.
that's what we do and believe me, if you all have to go through this crap then this is the only way to go if you ask us.

lt's as least heartbreaking all round as l think is possible under these circumstances . 

lf you can , give it a go you won't regret it.


----------



## ReGroup

I ain't play the hand I was dealt, I changed my cards - Kanye W.

This rings true for all of us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gulfwarvet

I agree a 100% with what your saying.I said from the getgo 50/50 custody -kids one week at Dads then one week at moms.No, after doing the schedule for 13 months and two custody evaluations the last one with just an idiot psycho b****.I had to go to trial and ask for 50/50 because the ex wanted 100%.The whole thing was such a waste of money,at one point during the trial the ex was on the stand and she stated"the way I see it all this is about money"The judge gave her a look like wth?I thought well yeah for you it is.My family got hit by a mack truck the oldest I don't talk to ,the one that stays with me hates the wife's boyfriend which she got no later than the ink dried on the custody settlement and to top it all off the ex doesn't like the schedule-well thats what happens when you can't agree on 50/50.


----------



## ReGroup

What a shame. Dude, what's your story? How did you guys get to where you did?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

gulfwarvet said:


> I agree a 100% with what your saying.I said from the getgo 50/50 custody -kids one week at Dads then one week at moms.No, after doing the schedule for 13 months and two custody evaluations the last one with just an idiot psycho b****.I had to go to trial and ask for 50/50 because the ex wanted 100%.The whole thing was such a waste of money,at one point during the trial the ex was on the stand and she stated"the way I see it all this is about money"The judge gave her a look like wth?I thought well yeah for you it is.My family got hit by a mack truck the oldest I don't talk to ,the one that stays with me hates the wife's boyfriend which she got no later than the ink dried on the custody settlement and to top it all off the ex doesn't like the schedule-well thats what happens when you can't agree on 50/50.


sorry to hear that man , damn shame. lt's so damn complicated l know , impossible sometimes .


----------



## Chuck71

Life is simple........................WE make it complex. Stop and smell the roses.....but i admit, i live in SE TN......Smokies etc....and the "weunz iz alls heah" state


----------



## gulfwarvet

Regroup -I don't want to hijack the thread.The ex had anger issues which accounted for a lot of our problems-ever seen a hispanic woman pissed?


----------



## ReGroup

I am hispanic Lol - I live it! I see it every day. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Hi Jack anytime.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## whitehawk

gulfwarvet said:


> Regroup -I don't want to hijack the thread.The ex had anger issues which accounted for a lot of our problems-ever seen a hispanic woman pissed?



sorry man but you've gotta laugh really.
l had a Croatian girl for a few yrs . l'm too quick for my own good myself but she -- she made me nervous when she went off . which was at least twice a day.
only one knifing, l thought that was pretty good going.
lt did kill the couch cushion l grabbed though-really quickly .:smthumbup:


----------



## Chuck71

ReG-How far along are you on D final? Is it 90 days in NY for couples with children?


----------



## ReGroup

Paper work hasn't been filed Chuck. Wife consulted with a lawyer a few weeks back and nothing has come of it. It takes 3 to 6 months in NY. 

Though their hasn't been a filing I don't really consider myself in limbo and nothing is preventing me from Moving On but myself. I view The Dissolution of The Marriage as mere paper work. 

I hate what this is doing to my daughter though. She is constantly wetting the bed, being disrespectful to her mother and is constantly asking why we are not doing things together as a family. It weighs on me heavily.

Where I had my moods under control - I have been having issues recently. I feel guilty about where we are now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Paper work hasn't been filed Chuck. Wife consulted with a lawyer a few weeks back and nothing has come of it. It takes 3 to 6 months in NY.
> 
> Though their hasn't been a filing I don't really consider myself in limbo and nothing is preventing me from Moving On but myself. I view The Dissolution of The Marriage as mere paper work.
> 
> I hate what this is doing to my daughter though. She is constantly wetting the bed, being disrespectful to her mother and is constantly asking why we are not doing things together as a family. It weighs on me heavily.
> 
> Where I had my moods under control - I have been having issues recently. I feel guilty about where we are now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why?


----------



## ReGroup

I am stuck in the dreaded, "could have, should have" mind set.

I'm trying to shake it but having great difficulty recently. I want to put it to bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I am stuck in the dreaded, "could have, should have" mind set.
> 
> I'm trying to shake it but having great difficulty recently. I want to put it to bed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I will freely admit if you had put your stuff in the Coping with Infidelity forum, Shaggy and the gang would have given you better guidance on making sure posOM was out of the picture.

BUT.. that doesn't mean she'd have given him up.

I think we all feel bad about past mistakes. But, look at my signature. You didn't know any better. The person you need to work at forgiving is looking at you in the mirror.


----------



## gulfwarvet

Regroup -you can beat yourself up so bad doing the woulda,coulda,shoulda-don't do it!! Try to concentrate on the future and the things you have control over-can't change the past.-Sorry to hear about your daughter, sounds like you really need to try to have a civil relationship with your ex for her sake.


----------



## ReGroup

She can have PosOM.

We both messed up in ridiculous ways - but I didn't run into the arms of another woman. That's a deal breaker for me. 

I need to let it go. Forgive myself.

GWV, I am very civil and cordial with her. She won't do the same. She's under the impression that everything is my fault and acts like it. I get in trouble when I start believing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gulfwarvet

This sounds like a rerun for me.The two things I never heard in marriage -It was my fault or I'm sorry.-Yeah in 16 years of marriage never heard I'm sorry.Now the ex is totally contemptious ..........everything before we split was totally and utterly my fault.Maybe they need some justification for splitting up...I don't know.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> I will freely admit if you had put your stuff in the Coping with Infidelity forum, Shaggy and the gang would have given you better guidance on making sure posOM was out of the picture.
> 
> BUT.. that doesn't mean she'd have given him up.
> 
> I think we all feel bad about past mistakes. But, look at my signature. You didn't know any better. The person you need to work at forgiving is looking at you in the mirror.


:iagree:

Spoken like. Prophet Conrad.

And until you forgive yourself ReGroup you will not be able to move on in your head my friend...


----------



## Conrad

gulfwarvet said:


> This sounds like a rerun for me.The two things I never heard in marriage -It was my fault or I'm sorry.-Yeah in 16 years of marriage never heard I'm sorry.Now the ex is totally contemptious ..........everything before we split was totally and utterly my fault.Maybe they need some justification for splitting up...I don't know.


Vet,

She have a bad childhood?


----------



## ReGroup

I dealt with the same. Not until I pointed certain things out would she apologize - if not I'd be waiting around for days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Mine did this too. 

Why should they apologize if we always just let it go?


----------



## gulfwarvet

Yeah but to not apologize one single time in a 16 year relationship? I must admit it still baffles me.Back when I was still looking for answers I came to the conclusion she had narccistic personality disorder, my daughter after she read the characteristics was convinced also-but I know this is just my opinion and I'm not a professional.Lately whats going on is she is treating the boyfriends boys like princes,while at home she screams at our daughters and curses them,then of course in front of the boyfriend she is all smiles and winks at her daughters and so on....our daughters are pissed and they vent when they come over.She is putting on a good act in front of this guy but of course someday if he sticks around long enough he will see her true colors.She went to jail for 3rd degree domestic assault on our daughter before our breakup so far she managed to keep her hands off them.To answer your question Conrad ...her mother was definitely emotionally abusive with her growing up and at times hit her,her father was a drunk,irresponsible as hell but the ex always remembers him fondly.Seems like everything went to hell when she turned 40 became sour all the time and everything was just a waste and for not.Became even more fixated on herself which I already thought she was bad at...midlife crisis? :scratchhead:I don't know I'm just reflecting on things I came up with a long time ago.


----------



## Conrad

gulfwarvet said:


> Yeah but to not apologize one single time in a 16 year relationship? I must admit it still baffles me.Back when I was still looking for answers I came to the conclusion she had narccistic personality disorder, my daughter after she read the characteristics was convinced also-but I know this is just my opinion and I'm not a professional.Lately whats going on is she is treating the boyfriends boys like princes,while at home she screams at our daughters and curses them,then of course in front of the boyfriend she is all smiles and winks at her daughters and so on....our daughters are pissed and they vent when they come over.She is putting on a good act in front of this guy but of course someday if he sticks around long enough he will see her true colors.She went to jail for 3rd degree domestic assault on our daughter before our breakup so far she managed to keep her hands off them.To answer your question Conrad ...her mother was definitely emotionally abusive with her growing up and at times hit her,her father was a drunk,irresponsible as hell but the ex always remembers him fondly.Seems like everything went to hell when she turned 40 became sour all the time and everything was just a waste and for not.Became even more fixated on herself which I already thought she was bad at...midlife crisis? :scratchhead:I don't know I'm just reflecting on things I came up with a long time ago.


As a general rule, people with bad childhoods have a good deal of PTSD to manage.

The easiest way to avoid the "swift punishment" that they are emotionally certain follows a screw-up, they turn into desperate blameshifters.

I'm certain you've had your fill of bull**** excuses - about why you should tolerate/understand certain things.


----------



## gulfwarvet

I definitely can see where this can become a learned behavior but PTSD!!.My ex was from Mexico seems like everyone was heavy handed with their kids...in her neighborhood one girl got her hip broken by her mother after her mother smashed a chair down on her-she ended up with a permaneant limp.These people could be smiling at you and you would never think they would be capable of this stuff...across the street from them the same with the neighbor girl she would get beat.I look back at all these people like some pschosis was going on.One thing is certain money ruled in Mexico and my exes materialistic ways helped ruin our marriage.


----------



## Conrad

gulfwarvet said:


> I definitely can see where this can become a learned behavior but PTSD!!.My ex was from Mexico seems like everyone was heavy handed with their kids...in her neighborhood one girl got her hip broken by her mother after her mother smashed a chair down on her-she ended up with a permaneant limp.These people could be smiling at you and you would never think they would be capable of this stuff...across the street from them the same with the neighbor girl she would get beat.I look back at all these people like some pschosis was going on.One thing is certain money ruled in Mexico and my exes materialistic ways helped ruin our marriage.


Just think about the impact of every time your parents "think" you've screwed up, you get hammered.

Would you not turn into the world's biggest excuse-maker/blameshifter and struggle mightily to avoid responsibility for anything?

I've heard women say, "I'm happy to apologize when I've done something wrong."

LOL


----------



## gulfwarvet

I can see your point, sad thing is she has become a total rerun of her mother,and worse.


----------



## Conrad

gulfwarvet said:


> I can see your point, sad thing is she has become a total rerun of her mother,and worse.


This is why they say, "You're marrying the family"

Anything that was done wrong to the person you're charting your life with comes back on you.

We're all too young and stupid to see that.


----------



## zillard

Yes, PTSD. 

Imagine you are a helpless child and there are two giants in the room yelling, screaming and throwing stuff at each other, or at you. And the only thing you can do is duck and run for cover.

That would be traumatic. In a child's mind, that is much like a war. And when it happens repeatedly for years the response becomes second nature. Instinct.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Yes, PTSD.
> 
> Imagine you are a helpless child and there are two giants in the room yelling, screaming and throwing stuff at each other, or at you. And the only thing you can do is duck and run for cover.
> 
> That would be traumatic. In a child's mind, that is much like a war. And when it happens repeatedly for years the response becomes second nature. Instinct.


And, as an adult, your partner will pay dearly for this - if he allows it.


----------



## gulfwarvet

I didn't know how screwed up things were in her family until after I married her and spent significant time around them.Then it was like what the hell did I marry into? I've got great daughters though and I know they are doing a lot better not spending so much time around their mother.


----------



## ReGroup

Any way to combat this or fix it realistically?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Any way to combat this or fix it realistically?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Blameshifting?


----------



## ReGroup

No - dealing with your past - when we were children.

I am only starting to focus on what I dealt with as a child. 

My father was an alcoholic. He was kicked out before I hit my teens. He was a street guy. Never around. Not a bad guy; just had other priorities.

How does one to grips with these issues from the past?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No - dealing with your past - when we were children.
> 
> I am only starting to focus on what I dealt with as a child.
> 
> My father was an alcoholic. He was kicked out before I hit my teens. He was a street guy. Never around. Not a bad guy; just had other priorities.
> 
> How does one to grips with these issues from the past?


I could write it out, but we just did an entire thread's worth of info on this on "Reinventing Katy"

Both she and UpnDown have some good back and forth there.

I think you'll find it interesting.


----------



## Conrad

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/67539-reinventing-katy.html


----------



## ReGroup

The wife was scheduled to pick up D4 today at noon today - of course, as with habit, she got to my place at 2pm; only this time I wasn't home.

I decided to go about my plans as scheduled - my mother was able to do the exchange with my wife.

Went to the gym and did some other stuff. A day for me.

When I get home, almost on que:

"D4 has come back with an extremely "I get what I want attitude" and it's not ok. I don't know what is happening when she is with you but it is extremely Unfair and insanely difficult to get her back to reality and understand the "right way" to act."

"I have asked you repeatedly to co-parent with me in a productive and beneficial Way for D4. All you care about is doing what works best for you. And what makes u feel like dad of the year instead of taking into account everyone involved".

"D4 has ADHD (NOT TRUE)and u won't sit down to talk to me about it."

"It's so upsetting that every single thing that I try to do gets broken down disrespected and thrown to the wind Because no one gives a sh*t about what I say or do with this child." 

"I swear to god and mark my words by you not giving me the respect of actually trying to work with my suggestions this girl is going to be out of control. I do this for a living!!!! I work with problem kids every day. Don't u think I might know what I'm talking about just a little bit!!!!".

ReGroup: I am sorry you feel this way.

"Please don't dismiss me!!!"

An hour later:

"See. You cannot even respond back."

-------------------------------
I give D4 candy SOMETIMES - guilty as charged. 

I am sure that she's causing more harm to that girl than I am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The wife was scheduled to pick up D4 today at noon today - of course, as with habit, she got to my place at 2pm; only this time I wasn't home.
> 
> I decided to go about my plans as scheduled - my mother was able to do the exchange with my wife.
> 
> Went to the gym and did some other stuff. A day for me.
> 
> When I get home, almost on que:
> 
> "D4 has come back with an extremely "I get what I want attitude" and it's not ok. I don't know what is happening when she is with you but it is extremely Unfair and insanely difficult to get her back to reality and understand the "right way" to act."
> 
> "I have asked you repeatedly to co-parent with me in a productive and beneficial Way for D4. All you care about is doing what works best for you. And what makes u feel like dad of the year instead of taking into account everyone involved".
> 
> "D4 has ADHD (NOT TRUE)and u won't sit down to talk to me about it."
> 
> "It's so upsetting that every single thing that I try to do gets broken down disrespected and thrown to the wind Because no one gives a sh*t about what I say or do with this child."
> 
> "I swear to god and mark my words by you not giving me the respect of actually trying to work with my suggestions this girl is going to be out of control. I do this for a living!!!! I work with problem kids every day. Don't u think I might know what I'm talking about just a little bit!!!!".
> 
> ReGroup: I am sorry you feel this way.
> 
> "Please don't dismiss me!!!"
> 
> An hour later:
> 
> "See. You cannot even respond back."
> 
> -------------------------------
> I give D4 candy SOMETIMES - guilty as charged.
> 
> I am sure that she's causing more harm to that girl than I am.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am sorry you feel this way.

And, you are.

You're starting to get the idea of letting her own her own chaos - and making sure she doesn't dump all that anger on you.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> ReGroup: I am sorry you feel this way.
> 
> "Please don't dismiss me!!!"
> 
> An hour later:
> 
> "See. You cannot even respond back."


Please don't abandon me. I need the drama to distract me from me.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Please don't abandon me. I need the drama to distract me from me.


You said it better than me.


----------



## ReGroup

The Old ReGroup isn't home anymore. 

Conrad, your thread and all of its participants woke me up today.

I am starting to see things for what they truly are. And it all starts with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> You said it better than me.


whoa


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The Old ReGroup isn't home anymore.
> 
> Conrad, your thread and all of its participants woke me up today.
> 
> I am starting to see things for what they truly are. And it all starts with me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Read this tonight.

http://ia600305.us.archive.org/35/items/Awareness-AnthonyDeMello/Awareness-AnthonyDeMello.pdf

You may need to go over it a few times.

Let's discuss it.


----------



## BFGuru

If she works with kids like this though, who is to say she is wrong about ADHD? Many parents are in denial about such thing. Even I was with S9. He should have been diagnosed in kindergarten when we started noticing problems. I was in denial. I should have pushed harder with his allergies, but I was in denial. It wasn't until he started failing everything that I finally got my head out of the sand. And it wasn't until S5 actually made his pre k teacher bleed that I realized things were much worse than I wanted to admit.

I'm not saying she isn't being irresponsible, but you owe it to your kid to examine this with a specialist. If you are right, you have lost nothing and gained evidence your X is a whack ado. If she is right, you can start formulating a course of action to meet your daughter's needs.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I am starting to see things for what they truly are. And it all starts with me.


Remember the mobile hanging from the ceiling. If the top piece moves, the others adjust accordingly. 

She is in conflict/war mode. A joint solution to the daughter problem can not be reached while she is like this. All you can do is keep being a good dad. 

Also remember, DD may be holding back feelings from her mother resulting in the acting out. With you I bet she is better behaved and more open.


----------



## ReGroup

BFG, I work with ADHD kids as well - D4 doesn't have it; she is anything but.

Conrad, a few months back you recommended that book to another poster and I read it. It didn't sync in - I am ready now for another go at it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Zillard, that's an incredible illustration of what's happening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> BFG, I work with ADHD kids as well - D4 doesn't have it; she is anything but.
> 
> Conrad, a few months back you recommended that book to another poster and I read it. It didn't sync in - I am ready now for another go at it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I only recommend it when someone sounds ready to hear it.

I'll be interested in your observations of self - and others.


----------



## Chuck71

As a veteran special ed teacher, I seriously doubt a true diagnosis can be opined at age 4. Anyway ADHD is under "other health impairments". For an educator her grammer is somewhat morbid. Hate to have my kid in her class. Bet the farm her fellow female teachers who are -whoa- also divorced are giving her ammo. But that is like catching a box of tampons with an Oxy-10 fish hook.


----------



## ReGroup

After last night's wild text rant it seems like this woman has settled down. 

She sends me a text: Hey, have you seen "Hope Springs"?

I replied: Yes, Good Movie.

She response: Yes it was.

I'm curious as to where this may lead - for me. No, not in the way you guys and gals might think. 

I took Conrad's advice last night and gave her the: "I'm sorry you feel this way" and left it at that... And it seems to have killed off all of her steam.

Lord knows I was chomping at the bit to tell her off but now I realize this is the better approach.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I took Conrad's advice last night and gave her the: "I'm sorry you feel this way" and left it at that... And it seems to have killed off all of her steam.
> 
> Lord knows I was chomping at the bit to tell her off but now I realize this is the better approach.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Smiling here.

Keep it up.


----------



## spun

ReGroup said:


> After last night's wild text rant it seems like this woman has settled down.
> 
> She sends me a text: Hey, have you seen "Hope Springs"?
> 
> I replied: Yes, Good Movie.
> 
> She response: Yes it was.
> 
> I'm curious as to where this may lead - for me. No, not in the way you guys and gals might think.
> 
> I took Conrad's advice last night and gave her the: "I'm sorry you feel this way" and left it at that... And it seems to have killed off all of her steam.
> 
> Lord knows I was chomping at the bit to tell her off but now I realize this is the better approach.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Telling her off is exactly what she wants you to do.

Then you get to apologize to her for what she has done.

Sound familiar?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

spun said:


> Telling her off is exactly what she wants you to do.
> 
> Then you get to apologize to her for what she has done.
> 
> Sound familiar?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lather, rinse, repeat


----------



## Chuck71

Write a f-you letter. Keep it until you can look at her and feel nothing. I have with each of my two past loves. They read them. My recent ex will too...............when she runs back like Whitney Houston in Bodyguard. I'm not Kevin but I do have a letter for you. Make sure you are over her 100%......the f-you letter cuts to the core.


----------



## ReGroup

spun, I just thought back to past incidences when she'll do or say something wrong - after numerous back and forths; I'd end up apologizing and immediately ask myself what had just happened. 

You have to laugh at this stuff.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> spun, I just thought back to past incidences when she'll do or say something wrong - after numerous back and forths; I'd end up apologizing and immediately ask myself what had just happened.
> 
> You have to laugh at this stuff off.


It starts feeling like they're all related.


----------



## ReGroup

hey..I heard this song today and it made me think of you...it made me cry 
I hope that you will listen to it, the lyrics...I hope that you will listen to the bitter end of the song.*
Im sure you wont comment or say anything, if you even listen to it
Bruno Mars: "When I was your man"
-----------------------------

This woman sure knows how to lay it on thick.

I want to respond but I won't so I'll do it here: Hey, Mrs. ReGroup if you have what you always wanted - then enjoy it and leave me the hell alone! I made many mistakes and I owned up to them... Enjoy what you have - focus all your energy on him. You are free to do what ever you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> hey..I heard this song today and it made me think of you...it made me cry
> I hope that you will listen to it, the lyrics...I hope that you will listen to the bitter end of the song.*
> Im sure you wont comment or say anything, if you even listen to it
> Bruno Mars: "When I was your man"
> -----------------------------
> 
> This woman sure knows how to lay it on thick.
> 
> I want to respond but I won't so I'll do it here: Hey, Mrs. ReGroup if you have what you always wanted - then enjoy it and leave me the hell alone! I made many mistakes and I owned up to them... Enjoy what you have - focus all your energy on him. You are free to do what ever you want.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's a great album. Listen to it all the time at work.






No, that's not my suggestion for a response. Although.... Suppose you should have danced with her because she likes to dance??


----------



## ReGroup

We always danced Daddio.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> We always danced Daddio.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well then this is a revision of history and a tactic to get you to respond.

A text easily deleted.

Plus, if she's saying you should have bought her flowers, and held her hand to keep "a good strong woman" from leaving you ... right.

Bruno Mars sings about being a little Victim who regrets not being a doormat.

Quite fitting for her I suppose.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> hey..I heard this song today and it made me think of you...it made me cry
> I hope that you will listen to it, the lyrics...I hope that you will listen to the bitter end of the song.*
> Im sure you wont comment or say anything, if you even listen to it
> Bruno Mars: "When I was your man"
> -----------------------------
> 
> This woman sure knows how to lay it on thick.
> 
> I want to respond but I won't so I'll do it here: Hey, Mrs. ReGroup if you have what you always wanted - then enjoy it and leave me the hell alone! I made many mistakes and I owned up to them... Enjoy what you have - focus all your energy on him. You are free to do what ever you want.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stay strong brother.

She's ramping up the pressure looking for her codependent.


----------



## ReGroup

Let me admit, at first I didn't think of myself as a co dependent; but here I am to tell you that I am. Finally, admitting it to myself.

In my first ever relationship, my ex had issues and problems galore. Her father killed her mother and then killed himself when she was a child. You probably can tell what that did to my ex. Your boy ReGroup even through his own misery would have stayed together with her until the end trying to fix her and show her a better way (or what I assumed was a better way). It took me leaving that state (I was attending college) to leave that relationship.

Then I meet my wife - vast improvement from the prior relationship. But then again, she came from a very dysfunctional family: BP mother and a father (orphan)who wasn't around much - battled drug and alcohol abuse. You could imagine what this did to their kids. 

I come with my own issues and she has hers. Again, I would have stuck around to the end - even if I was living in misery. She at least had the guts to call for a break to "work" on our issues. Going fwd after our separation she F'd up and did her own thing; while I tried to fix something that was broken.

So yup, I am VERY Co Dependent. No more lying to myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Let me admit, at first I didn't think of myself as a co dependent; but here I am to tell you that I am. Finally, admitting it to myself.
> 
> In my first ever relationship, my ex had issues and problems galore. Her father killed her mother and then killed himself when she was a child. You probably can tell what that did to my ex. Your boy ReGroup even through his own misery would have stayed together with her until the end trying to fix her and show her a better way (or what I assumed was a better way). It took me leaving that state (I was attending college) to leave that relationship.
> 
> Then I meet my wife - vast improvement from the prior relationship. But then again, she came from a very dysfunctional family: BP mother and a father (orphan)who wasn't around much - battled drug and alcohol abuse. You could imagine what this did to their kids.
> 
> I come with my own issues and she has hers. Again, I would have stuck around to the end - even if I was living in misery. She at least had the guts to call for a break to "work" on our issues. Going fwd after our separation she F'd up and did her own thing; while I tried to fix something that was broken.
> 
> So yup, I am VERY Co Dependent. No more lying to myself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now we're getting somewhere.

My father used to say that started is half done.

He was right.

Good job brother.

Welcome.

You reading DeMello?


----------



## ReGroup

I was reading it on the train after counseling - its how I came to that realization. It set off bells. My mind went racing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I was reading it on the train after counseling - its how I came to that realization. It set off bells. My mind went racing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stay with it. I want to hear all about it - every detail. Every revelation.


----------



## Chuck71

It's sad with everything in the world today-and the last 50 years-almost everyone has a checkered past. But when those let it define who they are....very sad. 

The Bruno comment.....is she that desperate or is she a giddy teenager again? She has OM....you are not serious with anyone but....she is much more interested in your well-being. I think I mentioned this before but when you do find 'the gal'....best mention your ex's BS game. I will lay a dollar to a penny she will try her utmost to sabotage your new relationship.

Hard to imagine she was your princess at one time....now she is more Freddy Kruger.


----------



## ReGroup

I wouldn't put it passed her Chucky - she's already called my imaginery girl friend a "*****" several times.

Things have been relatively quiet, no drama. Quiet, to the point where I am probably going through some drama-withdrawal. Besides the Bruno Mar's Email, their has been limited contact.

When I call to speak with D4 - the wife doesn't get on the phone and I like it that way. I pretty much do the same thing on weekends.

I enrolled D4 into a Spring Soccer League. I'm pretty excited about it. I advanced the schedule to the wife and she's on board with it. 

The wife wants to have a conversation about our daughter possibly having ADHD. She's a School Psych and is concerned about a few things. I agreed to have a conversation in the near future.

In this exchange, she commented that she sees things in a different capacity than I do and that I show no respect for her profession. I ignored those comments and stated, "We can have a conversation and be open to your suggestions"... she of course response with, "sure you will". 

I have most of the weekend to myself - it's going to be odd. No D4 until Sunday.

Nothing on the divorce front. Not a peep. I'm not READY myself to initiate it - so I'll concentrate on rebuilding myself in the mean time. Lots of strange activity going on in my mind.


----------



## BFGuru

ReGroup said:


> BFG, I work with ADHD kids as well - D4 doesn't have it; she is anything but.
> 
> Conrad, a few months back you recommended that book to another poster and I read it. It didn't sync in - I am ready now for another go at it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And evidence that if you out two specialists in a room, they will come up with two different diagnoses lol.

Girls are hard to diagnose though. It manifests more often than not as in attentive type, without the jumping off the walls. It's probably why it took me until my thirties to get diagnosed lol. But reading through the internal dialogue of an ADHD patient...it's me to the T. School would have been so much easier if I had it diagnosed back then, but c'est la vie.

You know your daughter though, as does she. But if she is showing up two hours late to appointments...I'm willing to bet your wife has it more than anything. Normal people keep their time commitments. Perhaps it is a case of mom knows she has it personally, so she has to transfer that to someone she can control...aka...the kidlet. 

I'm glad you didn't wait around for her. Next time, I'd take the kiddo with me and let her wonder where you both ran off to lol. But I'm vindictive that way.


----------



## Chuck71

Object to D being tested. Way too young. Ask any other school psychologist. Being from a rural county I gave testing for possible special education students. If she uses the Wood**** Johnson 3 (WJ-III) or the WISC or WIAT....let me know in PM.

She will test her "off the books" so get ready for it. And it will be YOUR fault. And if the tests are not subjective, she will run a 504. I know this sounds weird but I am telling you what you will see before the school year concludes. 

She wants to be the messiah and you be the sh!thead. Spring the trap.


----------



## Chuck71

BFG-Very solid post!!!


----------



## Chuck71

would post i agree sign but cant find it. BTW want me to work on your computer lmao


----------



## BFGuru

She won't get a 504 without an official evaluation though, and even then she may not. ... So says the gal fighting for an IEP for the past 4 years for my autistic son, only to have special Ed roll their eyes at me. They flat out told me he didn't qualify for a 504 either. Ha! Talk to his psychiatrist and his allergist.

Sorry, thread jacked for a second. 

But just because she demands one, doesn't mean she will get one. You are dad, and you have a lot of say in her educational plan.


----------



## BFGuru

Chuck71 said:


> would post i agree sign but cant find it. BTW want me to work on your computer lmao


Even the "like" button is missing! Haha


----------



## ReGroup

She once said I would place on the autistic spectrum. The words that has come out of this woman's mouth.

You guys are right. She's reaches for anything to make herself to be the perfect parent - while everything I do gets nit picked. 

I agreed to a conversation, but nothing else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

BF is dead on..........
adhd / asp / aut is same "branch"
i was adhd as child 
thank God it was ignored in 70s
i use it to my advantage
i taught an autistic child
grade 2 but read book at grade 8
disability? you do the math
if NASA was still in existence, he would be employed


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> She reaches for anything to make herself to be the perfect parent - while everything I do gets nit picked.


Count on it. 

Every night X calls D to say good night she asks D: what did you eat for dinner. Did you have your vitamins. You're not getting ready for bed yet? etc. 

I get D back from moms and she says, "I had a lot of junk food. I had cupcakes for breakfast and mcdonalds for dinner."


----------



## Chuck71

SE TN hillbilly God bless pre-text days


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> SE TN hillbilly God bless pre-text days


Right. Meanwhile my brother told me she's been posting on facebook daily about all the awesome meals she's been cooking during the week. 

She's cooking for someone. It just aint her daughter.


----------



## ReGroup

Hopefully we'll keep our threads - get together, read them and laugh this up.

In 3 years time boys.


----------



## zillard

Sooner, if I have anything to do about it. 

And I sure do.


----------



## BFGuru

ReGroup said:


> Hopefully we'll keep our threads - get together, read them and laugh this up.
> 
> In 3 years time boys.


I read this as you and the estranged wife both have threads here initially. Woo. I think I would pummel him if he made a thread here. This is my sanctuary. Psh. LOL


----------



## Chuck71

Z-Mom would skip the hard stuff and do Happy Meals in 70s
Pop threw a fit
meat n taters
but the plastic airplane was fun
but they outlawed it
via ACLU....too restrictive
wow....rise in Wesson cooking oil


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> Nothing on the divorce front. Not a peep. I'm not READY myself to initiate it - so I'll concentrate on rebuilding myself in the mean time. *Lots of strange activity going on in my mind.*


Talk about it. What's up?

How was the time alone this weekend?


----------



## ReGroup

I'm seeing and thinking about things a little differently. I like you SS, was putting a little too much blame on myself. Not only that, but I was holding myself responsible for trying to fix my marriage. Who's to say that it can be fixed? I have changed. Would my wife accept me for who I am now? 

I am observing myself a whole lot more. I'll do and say things that I at once would never recognize. Whether it would be trying to manipulate a situation for my own benefit, please someone (at my own expense), etc... Its odd. But I know if I am recognizing this stuff, I can repair them.

As far as the weekend goes - I picked up some work hours to keep myself distracted. I have D4 today and taking her to the museum.

I'm getting ready for my encounter with...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## staystrong

Excellent ReGroup.

Having your world implode hones those self-observation skills. It's good to see you are catching yourself on those behaviors.

Enjoy the day with your daughter!


----------



## ReGroup

Exchange was a success.

We rode the train together and discussed D4's progress. Avoided some pitfalls that would trigger some drama, "why are you standing so far away from me?", "why are you cutting your hair in that manner - when I had suggested it in the past?", "we never discussed Hope Springs" - I kept things short and sweet.

D4 had a progress report sent home a few days ago - the teacher wants D4 to be more of a leader... No mention of ADHD.

The teacher expressed the satisfaction of D4's routine - Wife commented how great SHE felt and how great SHE felt about HER praise for D4's development. Annoying as hell how someone can need so much validation. Or am I disappointed that I am not being thrown a bone? Hmmmm...

Wife addressed concerns about D4's pouting, "she pouts with me all the time - she won't with you because all you guys do is FUN stuff". 

Then she goes into Hope Springs and how Tommy Lee Jones' character reminded her of me. How she feels a marriage needs to be kept fresh. Too much routine will kill a marriage. Obviously, pointing fingers at me. 

It didn't mean much to me... She obviously thinks it was a one person dance. 

I made mention that it was a success in my post because I am defensive as all hell - I held fort and just let her ramble on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Dropped off D4 at wife's door. She left the door opened, wanting me to come in... She said, "I just saw Silver Lining's Playbook... Tell me what you thought of ...". I handed her D4's things and jetted.

Phone calls ensued. Nobody's home.

Getting easier, though D4 made mention that she hates the switching and wants to stay with me full-time. I told her mommy loves her and does a lot for her - mom would miss her immensely.

D4 keeps mentioning PosOM's name constantly - ____ says this, ____ says that... Grueling. I want to go "staystrong" on him, but I'll deal with those emotions here and privately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

It's game time! I feel like I am going to pass out.

PosW: 

_Hey there...

So a draft of the dissolution will be written up for you to look at...in terms of agreeing to everything...

we do not agree with the money monthly...how do you propose we work on this? 

can we put the standard of every other weekend for D4 but that it can be negotiable between us...? 

...what do you think?_

I'm trembling.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> It's game time! I feel like I am going to pass out.
> 
> PosW:
> 
> _Hey there...
> 
> So a draft of the dissolution will be written up for you to look at...in terms of agreeing to everything...
> 
> we do not agree with the money monthly...how do you propose we work on this?
> 
> can we put the standard of every other weekend for D4 but that it can be negotiable between us...?
> 
> ...what do you think?_
> 
> I'm trembling.


Tell us about it.

You don't agree on money? Go with Regroup's numbers.

Every other weekend is the standard, I'm certain we can mutually agree to change things as needed.

Of course, "you're not ok with changing things" whenever it comes up.


----------



## ReGroup

I hit her up with the "I'm not ok with that" in reference to our visitation scheduled - she's calling me difficult and a bully. 

She got the: I'm sorry you feel this way.

And now is enraged and stopped emailing.

I need to be rid of this woman.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I hit her up with the "I'm not ok with that" in reference to our visitation scheduled - she's calling me difficult and a bully.
> 
> She got the: I'm sorry you feel this way.
> 
> And now is enraged and stopped emailing.
> 
> I need to be rid of this woman.


She has to own her chaos.

She doesn't like that.


----------



## ReGroup

PosW: Let me tell you ReGroup...you have no idea about much...you think that I wanted this??? i NEVER wanted this....as the days, grow into weeks, and into months, I see nothing but more and more of a disconnect from you. We already had severed connection before and it has only gotten worse. Every weekend in seeing you, why do you think that I was always crying???I seriously BEGGED you to show me some sort of feeling, connection, love...but no ReGroup, just frigidness, stubbornness and indifference. This is killing me. I want to move on from this pain....I want to move on from feeling unwanted, unloved and rejected. I want to move on from feeling like I need to beg you to show me some sort of feelings...I want to move on from this pain....maybe one day you will wake up and see and realize may things...maybe one day...

All while entertaining PosOM


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> PosW: Let me tell you ReGroup...you have no idea about much...you think that I wanted this??? i NEVER wanted this....as the days, grow into weeks, and into months, I see nothing but more and more of a disconnect from you. We already had severed connection before and it has only gotten worse. Every weekend in seeing you, why do you think that I was always crying???I seriously BEGGED you to show me some sort of feeling, connection, love...but no ReGroup, just frigidness, stubbornness and indifference. This is killing me. I want to move on from this pain....I want to move on from feeling unwanted, unloved and rejected. I want to move on from feeling like I need to beg you to show me some sort of feelings...I want to move on from this pain....maybe one day you will wake up and see and realize may things...maybe one day...
> 
> All while entertaining PosOM


"Actions speak louder than words."

Cool

Firm

Dispassionate


----------



## ReGroup

Chip,

I responsed with: I'm not ok with acting like a loving husband while you're entertaining another man.

Ok by you?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> I responsed with: I'm not ok with acting like a loving husband while you're entertaining another man.
> 
> Ok by you?


If you've already sent it, it's fine.


----------



## ReGroup

Yeah, already sent... she responded with, "wow".

Loca!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yeah, already sent... she responded with, "wow".
> 
> Loca!


You may be getting close to her asking what message you are trying to send...

"If we are to be a family, posOM has got to go"

Then we can talk.


----------



## staystrong

Conrad said:


> You may be getting close to her asking what message you are trying to send...
> 
> "If we are to be a family, posOM has got to go"
> 
> Then we can talk.


Nice, that's the way to do it. Tell her what the required action is.

I think "entertaining another man" could be somewhat insulting.

Conrad, isn't she going to feel rejected by opening up to him and therefore less likely to want to do it again?


----------



## Conrad

staystrong said:


> Nice, that's the way to do it. Tell her what the required action is.
> 
> I think "entertaining another man" could be somewhat insulting.
> 
> Conrad, isn't she going to feel rejected by opening up to him and therefore less likely to want to do it again?


On the surface, yes.

Subconsciously, she's been wanting to see ReGroup's masculine mettle the entire time they've been together.

It's attractive to women when you stand up to them and hold them accountable.


----------



## ReGroup

Things have settled down... nothing since "wow". 

Time to sit back and wait. 

Chip, thanks for your help. When I got the email - I felt like I was smacked in the face. 

I felt like I was going to revert back to the Old ReGroup (being caught up in all of the emotions) and do all the non sense that she probably expects of me. 

I said what I had to say and I feel some peace/satisfaction.

I know the train is coming - I'm getting ready.


----------



## ReGroup

Spoke too soon:

We wont even go into the people that you have been entertaining....

like I said, I was never worth fighting for in your eyes...I have never seen someone give up so easily on something or someone if they cared...so I can only make the conclusion that it wasnt worth it to you...I have finally accepted that.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Spoke too soon:
> 
> We wont even go into the people that you have been entertaining....
> 
> like I said, I was never worth fighting for in your eyes...I have never seen someone give up so easily on something or someone if they cared...so I can only make the conclusion that it wasnt worth it to you...I have finally accepted that.


Sorry you feel that way.


----------



## ReGroup

I probably have NEVER met a more intelligent woman in my life - yet, THIS she is unable to get or "want" to understand.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I probably have NEVER met a more intelligent woman in my life - yet, THIS she is unable to get or "want" to understand.


Emotions are primitive.

And, they originate in the subconscious.

That's where - "Talk Less, Act More" comes from.

Also, don't listen to what they say, watch what they DO

Emotion governs actual action


----------



## ReGroup

All guns blazing with this woman... I wonder where she's getting it from: "you didnt act like a loving husband/boyfriend for the last how many years???" and "Im sorry that it has to be this way."...

One would think I am fighting her against the divorce... Their is no resistance. NONE.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> All guns blazing with this woman... I wonder where she's getting it from: "you didnt act like a loving husband/boyfriend for the last how many years???" and "Im sorry that it has to be this way."...
> 
> One would think I am fighting her against the divorce... Their is no resistance. NONE.


I am sorry you feel that way.

Sounds like I am to blame for everything. (this is called seed planting)


----------



## Conrad

Did I mention before that people like Mrs. ReGroup see themselves as victims - and carry a reservoir of anger around with them?


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> All guns blazing with this woman... I wonder where she's getting it from: "you didnt act like a loving husband/boyfriend for the last how many years???" and "Im sorry that it has to be this way."...
> 
> One would think I am fighting her against the divorce... Their is no resistance. NONE.


No surprise. I got this verbatim:

"Im sorry that it has to be this way."

Shortly after it turned into "You're the one that wanted divorce".

Avoidance of accountability.


----------



## ReGroup

Can you explain the "seed planting"?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Can you explain the "seed planting"?


Seed planting is a grounded, calm, dispassionate confrontational observation. Not one you are to fight about.

Yet, she KNOWS you are not to blame for everything in the same way a 5 year old knows his brother didn't "make him do it"

Doesn't mean he won't remain insolent or argumentative.

But, an observation like that one plants the "seed" of doubt.

And, it raises the possibility of her looking at herself.

It also shows you as cool, observational, and strong.

She's not getting to you, you're just observing.

Get the idea?


----------



## ReGroup

The "seed planting" was genius!

Though, this lady will not give up the Victim Chair easily:
"I'm sorry that you cannot see the reality of what is. I have never said that I didn't contribute but ReGroup...the issues that you had and that were brought to our relationship affected me and us significantly. I just don't understand why you keep wanting to not acknowledge a lot of really important aspects that led to our demise."

"All you want to do is try and blame me and keep mentioning "another man."

I don't bring this man up. I let her do as she pleases. He can save her from this disasterous marriage. Yesterday we were cordial and she is a ball of fury now. 

I know the likes of him. He'll kiss as* till the Sun goes down. Last Summer she mentioned, "In my next relationship, I want everything to be about me".... Their you have it Mrs. ReGroup, your shining Knight. Your co-worker. Have at it.

"You seriously are the most stubborn person I have ever met. Because you are too scared or prideful to fight for something that u care about. Like I have said and have been saying...I can't deal with the pain anymore and am ready to move on."

- She wanted to sleep w/ me a few weeks ago. 

Who the hell is going to fight for a wayward spouse who isn't remorseful? What would be the point? 

Sorry guys, I need to vent some where.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I don't bring this man up. I let her do as she pleases. He can save her from this disasterous marriage. Yesterday we were cordial and she is a ball of fury now.
> 
> "You seriously are the most stubborn person I have ever met. Because you are too scared or prideful to fight for something that u care about. Like I have said and have been saying...I can't deal with the pain anymore and am ready to move on."


Big mood swings?

ReGroup - "anger" is the default emotional response from someone who suffered abuse in their past. They were unable to express anger when they were young out of fear. So, it comes out in buckets as an adult.

It's like they have a reservoir of anger. They tap into it and it flows - almost without end.

She's saying you are too scared or prideful?

Time for a few more seeds.

"There will never be any indication of how hard or long I would fight until posOM is gone. He has got to go BEFORE any discussions of that subject even begin!"

"With posOM in the picture, the entire subject is a non-starter and I'm not discussing it again"


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> The "seed planting" was genius!
> 
> Though, this lady will not give up the Victim Chair easily:
> "I'm sorry that you cannot see the reality of what is. I have never said that I didn't contribute but ReGroup...the issues that you had and that were brought to our relationship affected me and us significantly. I just don't understand why you keep wanting to not acknowledge a lot of really important aspects that led to our demise."
> 
> "All you want to do is try and blame me and keep mentioning "another man."
> 
> I don't bring this man up. I let her do as she pleases. He can save her from this disasterous marriage. Yesterday we were cordial and she is a ball of fury now.
> 
> I know the likes of him. He'll kiss as* till the Sun goes down. Last Summer she mentioned, "In my next relationship, I want everything to be about me".... Their you have it Mrs. ReGroup, your shining Knight. Your co-worker. Have at it.
> 
> "You seriously are the most stubborn person I have ever met. Because you are too scared or prideful to fight for something that u care about. Like I have said and have been saying...I can't deal with the pain anymore and am ready to move on."
> 
> - She wanted to sleep w/ me a few weeks ago.
> 
> Who the hell is going to fight for a wayward spouse who isn't remorseful? What would be the point?
> 
> Sorry guys, I need to vent some where.



What conceivable action does she expect you to take, I wonder? In terms of fighting for her? It's interesting to me that she brings that up.

Is there a way to validate her feelings without agreeing with them? Is that the the whole "I'm sorry you feel that way"?


----------



## zillard

staystrong said:


> What conceivable action does she expect you to take, I wonder? In terms of fighting for her? It's interesting to me that she brings that up.
> 
> Is there a way to validate her feelings without agreeing with them? Is that the the whole "I'm sorry you feel that way"?


Better keep on begging and kissing her feet so she doesn't feel dirty and worthless.


----------



## Conrad

staystrong said:


> What conceivable action does she expect you to take, I wonder? In terms of fighting for her? It's interesting to me that she brings that up.
> 
> Is there a way to validate her feelings without agreeing with them? Is that the the whole "I'm sorry you feel that way"?


No - that's basically forcing her to own her own chaos.

That's step #1.


----------



## ReGroup

"It's like they have a reservoir of anger. They tap into it and it flows - almost without end." <------ Her IC told her that I was the reason for all of her anger. 

Funny thing is that just today her mobile provider and cable company called me about her over due bills. 

staystrong - believe me... she wants me to chase a little further for her own ego. Either way, we would be headed for divorce.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> "It's like they have a reservoir of anger. They tap into it and it flows - almost without end." <------ Her IC told her that I was the reason for all of her anger.


She told you her IC said that?


----------



## ReGroup

This woman goes off on anyone. I would tell her throughout our relationship, "Wife, one of these days you're going to talk in that manner to the wrong person; you need to chill."

Her anger got so bad, that we both agreed for her to seek IC.

The results? I was the reason for all her "rage" and "anger". I did a lot of dumb stuff... but the reason?

I asked my wife to think about that. How could that be true? We got into arguments but I was the cause of everything thats wrong with her?

She claimed that all of her relationships had been votatile. Now guys, I have been honest about my short comings and will own up to them - I am not volatile. 

That was about 2 years ago. To this date, I'm the reason for all her misery. 

Before we separated she said, "I need to remove all the clutter in my life". Almost a year later, she's telling me that she needs to move on.


----------



## zillard

You are a trigger. Not the reason.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> This woman goes off on anyone. I would tell her throughout our relationship, "Wife, one of these days you're going to talk in that manner to the wrong person; you need to chill."
> 
> Her anger got so bad, that we both agreed for her to seek IC.
> 
> The results? I was the reason for all her "rage" and "anger". I did a lot of dumb stuff... but the reason?
> 
> I asked my wife to think about that. How could that be true? We got into arguments but I was the cause of everything thats wrong with her?
> 
> She claimed that all of her relationships had been votatile. Now guys, I have been honest about my short comings and will own up to them - I am not volatile.
> 
> That was about 2 years ago. To this date, I'm the reason for all her misery.
> 
> Before we separated she said, "I need to remove all the clutter in my life". Almost a year later, she's telling me that she needs to move on.


At the same time upbraiding you for "not fighting for her"

A seed to plant, "Give me something to fight for"


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> At the same time upbraiding you for "not fighting for her"
> 
> A seed to plant, "Give me something to fight for"


I used one like that in counseling. 

When talking about her wanting me to stay in state.

"I have no reason to stay. You've made that clear."


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> I used one like that in counseling.
> 
> When talking about her wanting me to stay in state.
> 
> "I have no reason to stay. You've made that clear."


But, it's important you stay for my convenience.

Yeah, I hung from the chandeliers with posOM and your touch makes me recoil, but I really think you should consider ME!


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> But, it's important you stay for my convenience.
> 
> Yeah, I hung from the chandeliers with posOM and your touch makes me recoil, but I really think you should consider ME!


Precisely. We talked about this right before she kicked me out of her apt Saturday. She said she's been talking to other divorced mothers and has decided that it would be too hard for her to be away from her daughter. 

I told her I will not decide to stay in order to make things easier for her. She has to convince me that it will be better for D7. 

She then admitted that a large reason she "can't" follow us out of state is because I've told the family she is a "lying cheater". 

Z - Well, you did both.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Precisely. We talked about this right before she kicked me out of her apt Saturday. She said she's been talking to other divorced mothers and has decided that it would be too hard for her to be away from her daughter.
> 
> I told her I will not decide to stay in order to make things easier for her. She has to convince me that it will be better for D7.
> 
> She then admitted that a large reason she "can't" follow us out of state is because I've told the family she is a "lying cheater".
> 
> Z - Well, you did both.


Sounds like you need to call Allied.

For some reason, I actually think you two are going to get it together and make it someday down the road.

But, that isn't today.

You simply have to follow-through so she knows you are serious.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> Sounds like you need to call Allied.
> 
> For some reason, I actually think you two are going to get it together and make it someday down the road.
> 
> But, that isn't today.
> 
> You simply have to follow-through so she knows you are serious.


On my terms... best case scenario.

It wouldn't be the first time someone in my family got remarried after infidelity and divorce. Most of them want to see us reunite. But she is not ready to hold herself accountable. So I'm not holding my breath. 

Slowly becoming comfortable with "I don't know".


----------



## ReGroup

Accountability and a little humility are a beautiful thing. 

My wife demanded "fire works" to rectify our marriage because she was a victim of my treacherous behavior. 

I requested we both put in work individually and as couple - that the "fire works" could come later after we worked on our Core Issues.

It didn't make sense to her. 

I said: Hey, "fire works" won't resolve our issues. Our problems would still be there.

It didn't make sense to her.

I was talking to her like she was man this entire time.

Now I get it.

Zillard, we'll be ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Zillard, we'll be ok.


Dam straight! Because we've decided to be.


----------



## ReGroup

Woke up this morning sad, angry, scared and worried.

My emotions haven't been this turbulent in very long time.

I sat in a meeting and ReGroup wasn't home.

Legally, the marriage is on its last legs. According to yesterday's emails, the first draft is being written up. I asked that she fwd it to my counselor when its ready. 

It takes about 3-6 months in NYC for this thing to be finalized - so I have that time period to straighten myself out like Chucky and Zillard did when it became official for them.

God, I hate this. Feels like I'm walking a plank w/ starving sharks smelling blood.

D4 will never know a home w/ mom and dad. 

PosW and PosOM saving each other.

I feel like I am fighting a millions battles at the same time.

I have IC tomorrow. Maybe some of these things will be sorted out a little better during our session.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Woke up this morning sad, angry, scared and worried.
> 
> My emotions haven't been this turbulent in very long time.
> 
> I sat in a meeting and ReGroup wasn't home.
> 
> Legally, the marriage is on its last legs. According to yesterday's emails, the first draft is being written up. I asked that she fwd it to my counselor when its ready.
> 
> It takes about 3-6 months in NYC for this thing to be finalized - so I have that time period to straighten myself out like Chucky and Zillard did when it became official for them.
> 
> God, I hate this. Feels like I'm walking a plank w/ starving sharks smelling blood.
> 
> D4 will never know a home w/ mom and dad.
> 
> PosW and PosOM saving each other.
> 
> I feel like I am fighting a millions battles at the same time.
> 
> I have IC tomorrow. Maybe some of these things will be sorted out a little better during our session.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get to 50,000 feet and tell us about it.

This all sounds like fear.


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> Accountability and a little humility are a beautiful thing.
> 
> My wife demanded "fire works" to rectify our marriage because she was a victim of my treacherous behavior.
> 
> I requested we both put in work individually and as couple - that the "fire works" could come later after we worked on our Core Issues.
> 
> It didn't make sense to her.
> 
> *I said: Hey, "fire works" won't resolve our issues. Our problems would still be there.*
> 
> It didn't make sense to her.
> 
> I was talking to her like she was man this entire time.
> 
> Now I get it.
> 
> Zillard, we'll be ok.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Define fireworks..


----------



## zillard

staystrong said:


> Define fireworks..


Oxytocin


----------



## ReGroup

I'll bite... Fear...

I come from divorced parents. When they split up - it was devastating to my brother and I. Though I "felt" at the time that I was turning out ok - I missed having a father. He went back to his home country and we saw/heard from him infrequently. I lost all respect for him and didn't truly forgive him as I grew older. Too late for that.

The 80s were terrible in the city, so I can sympathize some what. 

My brother got the worst of it. What got my father kicked out of the house, is the same way he's living his life now: alcohol, the streets, drugs, violent, etc...

We missed having a father - a dependable one. 

Both parents are immigrants. 

My mother - tough, dependable, self educated successful (considering coming here in her early 20s).

My father - the complete opposite. 

Everyone says I am like my mother - while my brother is like my father.

We missed out. I don't want my daughter to miss out. Every other weekend doesn't work for me. She needs me more than this.

My fear amongst many more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

If she needs you more than that, fight for it.

Show her your masculine mettle.

There are plenty of people here who can help you.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Everyone says I am like my mother - while my brother is like my father.


But what do you think?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad, I am up to the task. The reason why I am not Ok with every other weekend. I hope I don't do this to the point where I am over compensating for my sake.

Zillard, I feel like I need to improve and get my head out of my a*s. I have several issues that need to be addressed. 

I have all the tools to be a great person, mate and father - I just need to figure myself out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Conrad, I am up to the task. The reason why I am not Ok with every other weekend. I hope I don't do this to the point where I am over compensating for my sake.
> 
> Zillard, I feel like I need to improve and get my head out of my a*s. I have several issues that need to be addressed.
> 
> I have all the tools to be a great person, mate and father - I just need to figure myself out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Group,

My father used to say, "Started is half done"

Of course, you still have the other half!

But, you're now way ahead of the herd.


----------



## zillard

Are you afraid you will compare yourself to your father, instead of your mother, if you have every other weekend?


----------



## ReGroup

Not so much the comparing but I am afraid that every other weekend won't be enough for us.

Who knows - I might be wrong and this could be my insecurities talking or issues from my past.

This s*cks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Now is the time. It will be harder to change the schedule and get more time later (as my X is quickly learning).


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Not so much the comparing but I am afraid that every other weekend won't be enough for us.
> 
> Who knows - I might be wrong and this could be my insecurities talking or issues from my past.
> 
> This s*cks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have not agreed to anything, have you?


----------



## ReGroup

No - I told Team Fantasy to send their proposal and we'll counter if we disagree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## K.C.

Team fantasy. Love it.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No - I told Team Fantasy to send their proposal and we'll counter if we disagree.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ask that frightened part of you to step back.

I'm being serious.

I know you've read Katy's thread.

This part that has you locked up with fear dates back to your childhood. You can likely remember the first time you felt gripped by this fear - it likely had to do with your father leaving and the loss of security.

Tell that part to take note of the new ReGroup.

He's a perfectly capable magnificent man and has more than enough juice to ensure his babies have what they need from him.

He doesn't give a rip about posOM or Broomhilda.

They're playing games.

He's got live ammo.

Go ahead and tell this frightened part exactly that.

Let us know how it goes.


----------



## staystrong

zillard said:


> Oxytocin


Seems like both are needed to make an R work. The love drug and some solid therapy.


----------



## Chuck71

Reg-For many people....their greatest adversity merits the greatest triumph. You get the mindset of the impending milestone before it is accomplished. Hence the journey over destination. Dude you are seeing time without the minute or hour hand. You have the gift. Convincing yourself is the hardest part.

To possibly decide some way to start a R....would it not be wise to...as you said, work on each other first? Getting to this point needs to have a few things you have not seen: acceptance, accountability, responsibility, admittance..to name the main ones. In an abstract way....if a couple can honestly prep for R....that battle is almost over. I hope this made sense......


----------



## ReGroup

PosW: D4 has the first week of April off - I have 3 of the 5 days off. What can we do about this? 2 days of the 5 I can't watch her.

ReGroup: Give me (baby sitter for hire)'s number. I'll give her a call. You can pay her my portion w/ March's D4's support payment.

PosW: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW CHEAP YOU ARE. I AM MERELY SCRAPING BY. YOU CHEAP MOTHERF******! 

ReGroup: I am sorry you feel this way.

You know that you have been in a verbally abusive relationship when you're scared to look at the rest of the text message.

I don't know if this is raising my attraction level but it is sure pissing her off!

Wait till she see's that she's forgotten to pay her cable bill for the past 2 months.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> PosW: D4 has the first week of April off - I have 3 of the 5 days off. What can we do about this? 2 days of the 5 I can't watch her.
> 
> ReGroup: Give me (baby sitter for hire)'s number. I'll give her a call. You can pay her w/ March's portion of D4's support.
> 
> PosW: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW CHEAP YOU ARE. I AM MERELY SCRAPING BY. YOU CHEAP MOTHERF******!
> 
> ReGroup: I am sorry you feel this way.
> 
> You know that you have been in a verbally abusive relationship when you're scared to look at the rest of the text message.
> 
> I don't know if this is raising my attraction level but it is sure pissing her off!
> 
> Wait till she see's that she's forgotten to pay her cable bill for the past 2 months.


There's no way to like this enough.

Do you feel those things between your legs yet?

BTW - next time, make sure to add - I'm not ok with profanity.

If she persists, end the conversation.


----------



## zillard

Maybe she should've picked a better sugar daddy.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> You know that you have been in a verbally abusive relationship when you're scared to look at the rest of the text message.


Ha. I know exactly what you mean.


----------



## ReGroup

PosW: I wish I had never met your stupid as*. F' your stupid as*. I'm sorry you feel this way? you are the biggest d*ck I have ever met. I'm done with this dysfunction! And the way you make me feel. I keep rethinking things - but I am done now... Mark my words... I am done! FU, I want this done!

ReGroup: I am not ok with profanity.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> PosW: I wish I had never met your stupid as*. F' your stupid as*. I'm sorry you feel this way? you are the biggest d*ck I have ever met. I'm done with this dysfunction! And the way you make me feel. I keep rethinking things - but I am done now... Mark my words... I am done! FU, I want this done!
> 
> ReGroup: I am not ok with profanity.


Group,

I don't post too much granular detail of what Janie and I have done to each other. Let's just say we surmounted this sort of thing - and leave it at that.


----------



## ReGroup

It's so weird. 

She could have just said: Hey, ReGroup... I think its unfair. Can you assist with a little more money?

She went psycho.

Crazy. 

Thanks for the bonus details Conrad. 

Funny isn't it Z?


----------



## happyman64

Funny? No.

Sad? Yes.

But you have to start somewhere. And this is a good place to make a stand.


Keep moving forward.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Funny isn't it Z?


It's like that feeling when you sneak back into the house in the middle of the night as a teenager and have to tiptoe past your parents' room. Just when you think you're in the clear you hear one of them getting up. 

Aghhh. I'm DONE for now. Never gonna hear the end of it.


----------



## ReGroup

The messages kept coming and I ignored them. What did she say? It doesn't even matter.

I might be becoming more attractive to her because I am putting my foot down (in a effective way) but she is looking less attractive to me.

At 50000 - who deserves that ****?

I have D4 every weekend - pick and drop her of on time - 99pct of the time. That 1pct is due to the subway. Pay DayCare and the monthly amount - never a second late. She questioned what kind of father I am?

Our entire relationship - I let her talk to me like this and I would engage... W/ nothing to show for it.

She sent me 20 text messages full of hate to my 3.

Good Luck PosOM - come with armor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

RG, I just noticed you're in NY. Where would one find a Walmart around 42nd Street?!?

Btw, I heart your responses to the woman.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... Let's see how long I can keep it up.

NYC refuses to let Walmart in the city. Target is the closes retail store you'll find like Walmart - its located in The Bx; near Yankee Stadium.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Lol... Let's see how long I can keep it up.
> 
> NYC refuses to let Walmart in the city. Target is the closes retail store you'll find like Walmart - its located in The Bx; near Yankee Stadium.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Target works. Thank you, sweetness!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The messages kept coming and I ignored them. What did she say? It doesn't even matter.
> 
> I might be becoming more attractive to her because I am putting my foot down (in a effective way) but she is looking less attractive to me.
> 
> At 50000 - who deserves that ****?
> 
> I have D4 every weekend - pick and drop her of on time - 99pct of the time. That 1pct is due to the subway. Pay DayCare and the monthly amount - never a second late. She questioned what kind of father I am?
> 
> Our entire relationship - I let her talk to me like this and I would engage... W/ nothing to show for it.
> 
> She sent me 20 text messages full of hate to my 3.
> 
> Good Luck PosOM - come with armor.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm assuming the profanity continued.

Once you say, "I'm not ok with profanity" - and it continues, that's the END. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.00 Do not engage.

Remember, this is emotional communication.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks Chip - I think she got the message. She just sent me a nice email detailing that my mother texted her wishing to spend some time with D4 on Friday. From raging mad, to pleasant again. What's fascinating is that this is something that she would NOT disclose to me so early in the week. 

Maybe a little respect?

FYI: HK, do not go to that Target at night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> FYI: HK, do not go to that Target at night.


Lol! That's what the doorman just said to me as I was walking out. Thanks!


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Thanks Chip - I think she got the message. She just sent me a nice email detailing that my mother texted her wishing to spend some time with D4 on Friday. From raging mad, to pleasant again. What's fascinating is that this is something that she would NOT disclose to me so early in the week.
> 
> Maybe a little respect?


Hold it in > Build Up Phase > Blow Up > Feel Guilty/Embarrassed > Honeymoon/Nice Phase > Hold it in

Repeat


----------



## zillard

By telling her what you are not ok with, then not engaging, you forced her into the Guilty/Embarrassed stage quickly. 

Had you engaged in an argument, she would have been able to keep blaming you and stay angry for longer.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Maybe a little respect?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do you feel?


----------



## happyman64

HappyKaty said:


> RG, I just noticed you're in NY. Where would one find a Walmart around 42nd Street?!?
> 
> Btw, I heart your responses to the woman.


There is a Target on 34th street next to ******* Square Garden.


----------



## ReGroup

Zillard, you are picking this up quick! 

I feel like healthier boundaries are already coming up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Is that Target open?

I was going to send HK to the Target in The South Bronx at night... 2x4!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Zillard, you are picking this up quick!


Trial by fire. 

I saw this cycle twice since Saturday. 

Went from X yelling and kicking me out of her apartment to texting me about finding local honey. 

Then she went from being angry about my 'ask nicely' boundary to texting me smiley faces.


----------



## HappyKaty

Thanks, HM! That sounds much better.


----------



## Chuck71

Hey.......ReG

"you are the biggest d*ck I have ever met"

isn't that a 'good' thing for your future dates????


----------



## Bullwinkle

ReGroup -

Just re-read through your thread. Lots of similarities to my own Living Hell with crazy WS 

I particularly related to the abusive texts and emails. A couple of the ones you quoted, I swear were verbatim from my wife's charming communications. I got one last night wherein she suggested I have sexual relations with a donkey. 

I wrote back and said I had to admire the sheer creativity of her profanity. 

You're doing great, amigo.


----------



## Stella Moon

Bullwinkle said:


> ReGroup -
> 
> Just re-read through your thread. Lots of similarities to my own Living Hell with crazy WS
> 
> I particularly related to the abusive texts and emails. A couple of the ones you quoted, I swear were verbatim from my wife's charming communications. I got one last night wherein *she suggested I have sexual relations with a donkey. *I wrote back and said I had to admire the sheer creativity of her profanity.
> 
> You're doing great, amigo.


Tell her she was the 'jackass' you already had...


----------



## Stella Moon

ReGroup said:


> PosW: I wish I had never met your stupid as*. F' your stupid as*. I'm sorry you feel this way? *you are the biggest d*ck I have ever met. *I'm done with this dysfunction! And the way you make me feel. I keep rethinking things - but I am done now... Mark my words... I am done! FU, I want this done!
> 
> ReGroup: I am not ok with profanity.


Hey! You got a compliment!!!!!!! :lol:

ok..I'm late in this thread...been playing catch up on many so forgive me...

But I'm sooo laughing here...on these texts...cracking up at work...getting looked at I'm laughing so hard at how you handled her... :rofl:

*Conrad...If I'dda known about TAM and you when my stbxh was around...you people would have had a hay day helping me deal with him...I'm serious...so serious! lmao! (just sayin')


----------



## Chuck71

Next time she uses profane language in front of you.......hand her a bar of soap.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks everyone. 

I woke up today w/ a stupid smirk that I haven't been able to get rid of.

Yesterday felt good, No... It felt GREAT!

No Contact btw each other ever since... I'm sure she is painting me as some as*hole bully to anyone within listening distance - But I don't give a damn! Not being a jerk.

A boundary was put in place yesterday and its NEVER coming down. She better get used to "I'm not ok with..."

Their is a rush of life flowing through my body. I know it "reads" crazy - but I feel it.

I did some of the assignment (Inner Child) Conrad suggested for about 10 minutes. As silly as it sounded, it touched a nerve. Going to try it out again later tonight. 

Now I need to figure out what to do with all this positive energy.


----------



## Chuck71

ReG......"you are the biggest d*ck I have ever met"

Is that why you're feeling good?

Will you change username to StudG?

TBH her comment made my day, classic...more than classic


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> I woke up today w/ a stupid smirk that I haven't been able to get rid of.
> 
> Yesterday felt good, No... It felt GREAT!
> 
> No Contact btw each other ever since... I'm sure she is painting me as some as*hole bully to anyone within listening distance - But I don't give a damn! Not being a jerk.
> 
> A boundary was put in place yesterday and its NEVER coming down. She better get used to "I'm not ok with..."
> 
> Their is a rush of life flowing through my body. I know it "reads" crazy - but I feel it.
> 
> I did some of the assignment (Inner Child) Conrad suggested for about 10 minutes. As silly as it sounded, it touched a nerve. Going to try it out again later tonight.
> 
> Now I need to figure out what to do with all this positive energy.


You're going to start living your life.

Go for it brother.


----------



## Chuck71

The greatest thing about this

is you do not have to say a word

the next time she looks in your eyes

she will know


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck, 

In the back of my head I would think, wow... she's seeking counseling, got me out of the way - she's going to be a much better mate the next go around - yesterday, I realized... Nothing has changed.


----------



## Chuck71

She has been sucked into the matrix

you avoided it

at one time you felt she had the upper hand

it was all in your mind

take those free thoughts and pamper YOU


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> I did some of the assignment (Inner Child) Conrad suggested for about 10 minutes. As silly as it sounded, it touched a nerve. Going to try it out again later tonight.


Submit to the awkwardness and go deep with the therapy, RG. 

You'll thank yourself, afterwards. Little RG will, too.


----------



## staystrong

I'm looking at a winner and his name is ReGroup


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> Submit to the awkwardness and go deep with the therapy, RG.
> 
> You'll thank yourself, afterwards. Little RG will, too.


It is a bit awkward.

Over time, self-soothing doesn't have to be so contrived. It eventually becomes a state of mind, as you learn to be still.

But, it works. It truly works. And, it gets you off dead center.


----------



## ReGroup

Not a peep from the Wife since her explosion 48 hours ago. I guess she didn't take well to being told "No".

I'm waiting for the first draft (dissolution); I don't know how long it takes to write up those papers. I have my army - ready to rep Team ReGroup. I'm not anxious; just laying in the cut.

In her text onslaught she mentioned to give me everything I have requested to get rid of me once and for all. I'm sure her lawyer will convince her otherwise.

I want to get this rolling. I want to move on officially. Its time. 

I had IC last night and it went fantastic. IC is excited about my progress. She noted that though it may seem like BroomHilda has a leg up, she wouldn't be surprised if I end up with less scars in the long run. She suggested I start dating - I rebuffed that notion. I'd like to meet new people, but not get involved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG -

I'm with you on the no dating thing. That day may come but I believe you really will know when it comes. 

I loved what you said about her saying to just give you anything just to get you out of her life. Sounds vaguely familiar. 

Mine said the same thing, so I said, okay, come over here, have wild monkey sex with me, clean my apartment and then make me a tuna melt.


----------



## zillard

Dating is a good way to get to know new people. Just sayin. 

Like pb said... Go on dates but don't date anyone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Going to hit a lounge tonight. 

I was able to round up a few friends and we are celebrating my release back into the wild.

Nothing interesting to comment on - the calm before the storm maybe. We are both 180'ing each other. No word on the Paper Work.

I was envisioning earlier today that we could pull off this business minded approach when raising D4. Avoid each other, only discuss child related issues and keep everything else out off the table. I'd like to pull that off.

I been work on Chip's Inner Child Exercise and its helping out tremendously. I told little ReGroup that if he insist on not cooperating I'd get the duck tape.

Observing has also been my focus - still working on that. I lack concentration.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Little ReGroup. I like that.


----------



## zillard

Have a blast RG! you deserve it. Put lil'RG to bed early and go hang with the adults.


----------



## Stella Moon

Bullwinkle said:


> RG -
> 
> I'm with you on the no dating thing. That day may come but I believe you really will know when it comes.
> 
> I loved what you said about her saying to just give you anything just to get you out of her life. Sounds vaguely familiar.
> 
> Mine said the same thing, so I said, *okay, come over here, have wild monkey sex with me, clean my apartment and then make me a tuna melt.*


Wow! :scratchhead:







K!


----------



## ReGroup

Stella, BW is a character isn't he?

Last night was a huge success. Danced, had a couple of drinks and socialized with just about everyone in sight. 

It was a great feeling. I enjoyed people's company and vice a versa. 

A female friend of mine invited an old college roommate of hers and we hit it off. At the end of the night she told my friend, "put in a good word for me".

Feels good being around people that don't portray you as the spawn of the devil.

I'm going to take Z's advice and invite her out for dinner. Casual, nothing serious... All fun.

A good friend of mine ran into to my wife a few weeks ago and said, "ReGroup, she's gone. I don't know that lady anymore. Get on with the divorce and move on with your life".

Going to a party tonight - let's see what's in store.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

God love you, RG. 

Just keep in mind that I'm living vicariously through you. 

No pressure, but Don't blow it.


----------



## zillard

I was very self conscious and anxious about being single and dating. I quickly learned that when you're happy and having fun, opportunities simply present themselves.


----------



## soca70

Bullwinkle said:


> wild monkey sex


I kid you not but I have used that phrase seriously! :rofl:


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> I was very self conscious and anxious about being single and dating. I quickly learned that when you're happy and having fun, opportunities simply present themselves.


Love yourself and the world loves you back.

I remember the "day" it lifted for me at work.

People started to ask me what was "right", instead of what was wrong.

It shows.

They're drawn to you.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Sorry for the Wild Monkey Sex reference. 

But I do think it is pretty much self-explanatory.


----------



## Stella Moon

ReGroup said:


> Stella, BW is a character isn't he?
> 
> Last night was a huge success. Danced, had a couple of drinks and socialized with just about everyone in sight.
> 
> It was a great feeling. I enjoyed people's company and vice a versa.
> 
> A female friend of mine invited an old college roommate of hers and we hit it off. At the end of the night she told my friend, "put in a good word for me".
> 
> Feels good being around people that don't portray you as the spawn of the devil.
> 
> I'm going to take Z's advice and invite her out for dinner. Casual, nothing serious... All fun.
> 
> A good friend of mine ran into to my wife a few weeks ago and said, "ReGroup, she's gone. I don't know that lady anymore. Get on with the divorce and move on with your life".
> 
> Going to a party tonight - let's see what's in store.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm so happy for you and I wish so much I was in your place. I still just come home from the plant and watch tv or come on TAM. 

I've gone out..but don't stay out long... I just don't 'go out' hardly... no circle of friends...oh i wish i was also in your place...I'm so excited for you!!!!!!! :smthumbup: 

I need a life RG! ha!


----------



## Chuck71

ReG-You bring new meaning to Breaking Dawn

Feels great doesn't it

Ride the wind

Enjoy the view

you were obscurred by clouds for too many years


----------



## ReGroup

Indeed Chucky,

We build our own little cages. 

Even when the door is opened we are scared to come out. Eventually, we do and find out it isn't bad after all just different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Easier to lead horse to water

than make him drink


----------



## ReGroup

Received a text from my counter part.

My mother is staying with me this weekend and had a pre arranged Friday Night w D4 set up exclusively through my wife. I had plans this weekend and both parties were made aware of that ahead of time. Dad, needs his social life too!

D4 is picked up today this afternoon (late as usual) - I wasn't home. 

I was at work, but that info wasn't made privy to the wife because well, its none of her business. Picked up some additional projects to build up the War Chest.

My mother does things her own ways and its annoying as all hell as she is stubborn. That's another story.

So she does something that annoys my wife and she texts me: 

"ReGroup, your mother did (this) with D4 last night. I thought we all agreed no (this). I'm assuming you weren't around to monitor (this)."

Wife also asked moms if I made some time with D4 before carrying on w/ my weekend. Of course I did - she's grasping for any thing to make a negative comment on.

I of course ignored the text. If she can arrange these plans with my mother - she can also address issues with my mother directly if need be.

Wife is totally in the right. But her approach "I'm assuming you weren't around to monitor (this)" isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

I've found that as I set and enforce my boundaries, my relationships with my mother and older sister are also quickly changing - for the better. 

You should not be expected to enter or keep an agreement intended to control the behavior or others. Your mother will do what she will do. If you have a problem with it, do something about it. If stbx has a problem with it, she should adress it. It is perfectly ok for you to make that clear... to both your stbx and your mother.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

WS and mother in a pizzng match - it doesn't get any better.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Received a text from my counter part.
> 
> My mother is staying with me this weekend and had a pre arranged Friday Night w D4 set up exclusively through my wife. I had plans this weekend and both parties were made aware of that ahead of time. Dad, needs his social life too!
> 
> D4 is picked up today this afternoon (late as usual) - I wasn't home.
> 
> I was at work, but that info wasn't made privy to the wife because well, its none of her business. Picked up some additional projects to build up the War Chest.
> 
> My mother does things her own ways and its annoying as all hell as she is stubborn. That's another story.
> 
> So she does something that annoys my wife and she texts me:
> 
> "ReGroup, your mother did (this) with D4 last night. I thought we all agreed no (this). I'm assuming you weren't around to monitor (this)."
> 
> Wife also asked moms if I made some time with D4 before carrying on w/ my weekend. Of course I did - she's grasping for any thing to make a negative comment on.
> 
> I of course ignored the text. If she can arrange these plans with my mother - she can also address issues with my mother directly if need be.
> 
> Wife is totally in the right. But her approach "I'm assuming you weren't around to monitor (this)" isn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's impossible to like this post more.

Let other people solve their own problems.

Good man.

You're feeling it now, I can tell.

NO NUMBER 3's. Not today. Not EVER!


----------



## ReGroup

Oh Boy...

"ReGroup, if X doesn't happen, then I will not have D4 staying at your place. You are her father and I hold you accountable. Everything I am doing in her life is being compromised by your lack of involvement. D4 and your mother told me you weren't around today. I will not put up with this."

ReGroup: I'm not ok with threats.

PosW: "Your response completely reveals that you have absolutely nothing to say back because what I'm saying his true. There are no threats there but I will not stand for this. I hold you, as her father, completely accountable for this You are out of your mind. Grow up ReGroup. Learn how to deal with your own sh*t and responsibilities. Do the right thing". 

ReGroup: I'm not ok with badgering. 

She obviously forgot that I had plans and that this arrangement was done with her and my mother.

F*ck Her!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Oh Boy...
> 
> "ReGroup, if X doesn't happen, then I will not have D4 staying at your place. You are her father and I hold you accountable. Everything I am doing in her life is being compromised by your lack of involvement. D4 and your mother told me you weren't around today. I will not put up with this."
> 
> ReGroup: I'm not ok with threats.
> 
> PosW: "Your response completely reveals that you have absolutely nothing to say back because what I'm saying his true. There are no threats there but I will not stand for this. I hold you, as her father, completely accountable for this You are out of your mind. Grow up ReGroup. Learn how to deal with your own sh*t and responsibilities. Do the right thing".
> 
> ReGroup: I'm not ok with badgering.
> 
> She obviously forgot that I had plans and that this arrangement was done with her and my mother.
> 
> F*ck Her!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Impossible to like this one enough.

Your mother does not speak for you.

High time she figures out who does.


----------



## Conrad

May I add, when you agree to something, it is carved in STONE.

Your word is your bond.

You simply do not give away free #3's.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm keeping my 3s!

I was tempted to go into explanation mode - she doesn't deserve one. 

She responded with: Lol... And more blah, blah...

This is what she will continue to get from me. Thanks Chip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm keeping my 3s!
> 
> I was tempted to go into explanation mode - she doesn't deserve one.
> 
> She responded with: Lol... And more blah, blah...
> 
> This is what she will continue to get from me. Thanks Chip.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are making the transition from doormat to respected colleague.

Who knows what happens next?

Only time will tell.

Was sex between you two good?


----------



## ReGroup

The quality was great. She loved having sex with me.

I started to tail off after D4 was born - this woman made me feel like a piece of crap and I started to believe it. I went into a tail spin. I just withdrew. I lost myself and it showed. I'm finally getting it all back.

I can honestly say her attraction to me has never wavered. Its why she's all conflicted and doesn't want me moving on completely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Gotta admit this is getting humorous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The quality was great. She loved having sex with me.
> 
> I started to tail off after D4 was born - this woman made me feel like a piece of crap and I started to believe it. I went into a tail spin. I just withdrew. I lost myself and it showed. I'm finally getting it all back.
> 
> I can honestly say her attraction to me has never wavered. Its why she's all conflicted and doesn't want me moving on completely.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are closer to R - true R - at this moment than you have been in the last 5 years.

Think long and hard about whether you can handle it - and if you want it.

It's likely to happen if that's what you want.


----------



## staystrong

Bullwinkle said:


> God love you, RG.
> 
> Just keep in mind that I'm living vicariously through you.
> 
> No pressure, but Don't blow it.


Ha ha, ditto that.


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> I'm keeping my 3s!
> 
> I was tempted to go into explanation mode - she doesn't deserve one.
> 
> She responded with: Lol... And more blah, blah...
> 
> This is what she will continue to get from me. Thanks Chip.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Okay, I missed it. What are #3's?


----------



## Chuck71

Where X is now is likely where you were

life can be a mind game

but it doesnt have to be


----------



## Stella Moon

ReGroup said:


> Oh Boy...
> 
> "ReGroup, if X doesn't happen, then I will not have D4 staying at your place. You are her father and I hold you accountable. Everything I am doing in her life is being compromised by your lack of involvement. D4 and your mother told me you weren't around today. I will not put up with this."
> 
> *ReGroup: I'm not ok with threats.*
> 
> PosW: "Your response completely reveals that you have absolutely nothing to say back because what I'm saying his true. There are no threats there but I will not stand for this. I hold you, as her father, completely accountable for this You are out of your mind. Grow up ReGroup. Learn how to deal with your own sh*t and responsibilities. Do the right thing".
> 
> *ReGroup: I'm not ok with badgering. *
> 
> She obviously forgot that I had plans and that this arrangement was done with her and my mother.
> 
> F*ck Her!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry but I started busting out laughing... 

(again I have to say I wish I knew you people when I was with stbxh...'if/when' he did communicate)

Yea...what are # 3's? :scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

Stella, Conrad wrote a nice description of the #3's on BFGuru's Thread page 17.

"I let her Cake-Eat, I allowed myself to be a doormat, I did not put my foot down, etc… This is all on me. I’m no victim. I allowed her to do this before and during our separation. Now it’s time to do something different. I want to understand what happened and prevent it from happening again."

From my original post on this thread. 

Now I have the answer and its clear as freaking day: I let her do it. I gave her all the power. I didn't value myself or what I brought to the table. I felt like a piece of crap, therefore she treated me like a piece of crap.

Why am I feeling this rush of empowerment? Because its been a long time (if ever) since I was able to face this woman in a productive way. 

I reviewed my text exchanges w/ this woman - Jesus, so much crap being spewed by her... She doesn't know any better - because I didn't show her any better.

Talk Less, Do More. She's getting the hint Chip. No profanity in last nights exchange. She's going to learn a few more lessons.

Do I want her back? Hell No. She can keep PosOM. I don't have ANY problems with them doing whatever the hell they're doing. They can learn the hard way, just as I did. She'll drive him nuts the same way she did me.

I'm starting to Love Myself a whole lot more. We all should.

Its time to recover our individual power people. You all have it - we just got lost along the way... Its time to demand it back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

It is time to take it back!


----------



## Conrad

Group,

I'll be blunt.

I asked you about sex for a reason.

A bit more from my story...

Janie and I have lived under the same roof for roughly 3 weeks out of the last 2 years.

Yet, our mutual attraction is something similar to what you see when a kid gets his tongue stuck licking a pole in minus 10 degree Fahrenheit weather.

I'm well aware that there are "other women"

But, "other women" don't do for me what she does.

And, I can tell the reverse is true.

The fact that you are this much of an issue for her (while she's with someone else) AND your testimony about the bedroom leads me to believe you have/had something similar with her.

I am not - in any way - recommending you stay celibate or whatever. I just want you to keep in mind that when a woman is that attracted to you, it's a rare thing - and something on which you can build.

We've had all sorts of victims through here that insist on remaining victims. You can usually spot them by the lack of respect they display for their partners. I guarantee you they didn't have that subconscious mutual attraction thing.

Lifescript and his wife have it. I think if they stay with it long enough, they'll get it right. Mavash and her husband have something similar as well. They're still working hard with/for each other after 20+ years.

You are opening the door to personal empowerment now. You are likely to become irresistible to her. That means she could hit rock bottom and throw herself at you - in a serious way.

It's likely you can trust it - when you have the mutual attraction thing going.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup......step to the podium

you are now Group.

great job!


----------



## ReGroup

Hey Chuck - thanks for the kind words. 

I have been thinking about Conrad's last post. I had difficulty processing it. Now I got it.

I think Zillard and I share similar circumstances - for the exception that he's the primary care taker of his daughter. 

The spouses probably didn't think things through, have one foot in and one foot out, manipulalive, selfish, etc... But the attraction might still be there. He found his way and I'm learning mine. 

Time will tell what happens. No peep about the first draft for dissolution. 

She's upset that I wasn't home when she picked up D4. That I know. She wants to know what I have been up to. But thats between US. Lol.

Your move Mrs. ReGroup.


----------



## ReGroup

I guess her move is to Not answer phone calls geared towards speaking to my daughter. 

I see where this is headed.

It won't weaken my resolve - I'll call her the next day at the same time and same hour.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I guess her move is to Not answer phone calls geared towards speaking to my daughter.
> 
> I see where this is headed.
> 
> It won't weaken my resolve - I'll call her the next day at the same time and same hour.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If this becomes a pattern, your lawyer will help you.

Cool

Firm

Dispassionate

You are so not ok with this.


----------



## ReGroup

Yup, I won't do any talking myself - I'll let the lawyers do what they do best.

Like I disclosed before, she's a school psych... She's in the business of helping kids, but won't help her own. Drives me nuts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yup, I won't do any talking myself - I'll let the lawyers do what they do best.
> 
> Like I disclosed before, she's a school psych... She's in the business of helping kids, but won't help her own. Drives me nuts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but this is DIFFERENT.

I'm sure you've never heard that


----------



## ReGroup

And right on que:

I put D4 to bed at 7 for punishment. She is beyond spoiled and you don't care about helping me follow through with her. There must be consistency between Both of us and what we do. She out rightly admitted that she gets whatever she wants from you and your mom and I won't "buy something for her, you guys will".

This woman is amazing.

BW, you are not the only one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> And right on que:
> 
> I put D4 to bed at 7 for punishment. She is beyond spoiled and you don't care about helping me follow through with her. There must be consistency between Both of us and what we do. She out rightly admitted that she gets whatever she wants from you and your mom and I won't "buy something for her, you guys will".
> 
> This woman is amazing.
> 
> BW, you are not the only one.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"I'm sorry you feel that way"


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad, you are a Wayward's Spouse's worst nightmare.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> "I'm sorry you feel that way"


^^ she demanded consistency. Give her what she wants.


----------



## ReGroup

I think she's caught on to us: "Why is that your response for everything. This is not a blame game. I am extremely concerned about what is going on."

Lol... Her actions are not the one of someone who has her daughter in her best interest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> ^^ she demanded consistency. Give her what she wants.


Rule #1

Agree with them. You give defiant people what they say they want.

When they take your agreement and attempt to cross a boundary (inevitable), yes, yes, I understand (but instead of caving as you have always done), I'm not ok with that

See the key is this.

Agreeing with 90% of what comes out of their mouths costs you nothing. They don't even hear it. It's just thinking out loud.

Frustration comes from taking it seriously and trying to implement, then getting mad when you realize it meant nothing to them.

Anyone see themselves in this?

LOL

Lather, rinse, repeat.


----------



## zillard

Seems like she's upset about her relationship with D4 going downhill and yes, resorting to blame to distract herself from that introspection.

Note, she brought up blame. Not you.


----------



## ReGroup

Great catch Z. Even when she tries to avoid blaming she can't help herself from doing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

it's easier. we all know that, right.


----------



## ReGroup

Putting a 4 year old to bed at 7pm for punishment? That's just absurd.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Agreed. Its reactionary and easier to remove the trigger. 

Child says something mommy doesn't like. Mommy feels bad deep down. Remove child from sight. That didn't work. Blame dad.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Putting a 4 year old to bed at 7pm for punishment? That's just absurd.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Blameshifting brings interesting outcomes.


----------



## ReGroup

I gave her the: I'm not ok with the punishment of our child consisting of a 7pm bed time.

"Then what suggestions do you have for punishment for her. She needs to learn how to be accountable for her actions?"

I want to yell: Talk to her! Find other constructive ways to reach out to her. 

Theirs got to be an easier way for D4's sake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I gave her the: I'm not ok with the punishment of our child consisting of a 7pm bed time.
> 
> "Then what suggestions do you have for punishment for her. She needs to learn how to be accountable for her actions?"
> 
> I want to yell: Talk to her! Find other constructive ways to reach out to her.
> 
> Theirs got to be an easier way for D4's sake.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Look at it this way, STBXW isn't going to be real happy when D4 is awake and ready for action @4am.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I gave her the: I'm not ok with the punishment of our child consisting of a 7pm bed time.
> 
> "Then what suggestions do you have for punishment for her. She needs to learn how to be accountable for her actions?"
> 
> I want to yell: Talk to her! Find other constructive ways to reach out to her.
> 
> Theirs got to be an easier way for D4's sake.


If my kiddo is uncooperative then an elective is taken away. She won't go to bed early but she'll get fewer bed time songs (if the incident happened near bedtime).

If D7 doesn't say please, I say no. If she throws a toy, that toy is now mine. I give her choices. "You can do A or B, but if you do B then you don't get C. Your choice. It's up to you." 

Doubtful MrsRG is ready to actually have a constructive conversation about parenting techniques though.


----------



## Chuck71

Wife seeks control in some way. It's no longer you. Now it is daughter.


----------



## ReGroup

That's an excellent approach. 

And you are right, MrsRG has other priorities right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I texted her my approach...

She responded with: Nice google research. That doesn't work with her for many things.

Its helpless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Seems she takes that psychology degree a tad bit too seriously


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I texted her my approach...
> 
> She responded with: Nice google research. That doesn't work with her for many things.
> 
> Its helpless.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry you feel that way


----------



## ReGroup

"I just want you to think about D4. All of your smart ass remarks and refutes are really not doing anything but hurting D4. I feel like u are trying to get at me and hurt me but We are only hurting D4. She deserves consistency and two parents that are on the same page. I don't know why you just don't get it. THis doesn't mean we need to do what I'm saying this means we need to talk about her and what works and what doesn't and come with an agreement for what we need to do to right by her."

Even when you try staying out of the Drama Triangle - it comes finding you. 

I'll ignore and call it a night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> "I just want you to think about D4. All of your smart ass remarks and refutes are really not doing anything but hurting D4. I feel like u are trying to get at me and hurt me but We are only hurting D4. She deserves consistency and two parents that are on the same page. I don't know why you just don't get it. THis doesn't mean we need to do what I'm saying this means we need to talk about her and what works and what doesn't and come with an agreement for what we need to do to right by her."
> 
> Even when you try staying out of the Drama Triangle - it comes finding you.
> 
> I'll ignore and call it a night.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or, "Sorry you feel that way"

You have to know you are driving her CRAZY.


----------



## Conrad

We "need to do right by her?"

I wonder where posOM fits in that equation?


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, is their a max on how many times we can use "I'm sorry you feel this way"? Lol

Does it lose its value?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, is their a max on how many times we can use "I'm sorry you feel this way"? Lol
> 
> Does it lose its value?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actually, it does not.

Of course, you can "word" it another way.

The effect is the same.

She simply MUST own her own chaos.


----------



## zillard

I'm not ok with...

blame
assumptions
profanity
insults
etc.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> I'm not ok with...
> 
> blame
> assumptions
> profanity
> insults
> etc.


You're simply not ok with disrespect.

No matter the packaging.

OR the rationale/gaslighting, whatever.


----------



## keko

Conrad said:


> Or, "Sorry you feel that way"
> 
> You have to know you are driving her CRAZY.


+1


----------



## ReGroup

Got it. 

Its boring as hell to write and I'm sure it must be annoying to receive but it seems quite effective.

Beats the doormat behavior where you are willing to accept unjust blame all the time.

God I wish I knew all this stuff prior to hell breaking lose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Got it.
> 
> Its boring as hell to write and I'm sure it must be annoying to receive but it seems quite effective.
> 
> Beats the doormat behavior where you are willing to accept unjust blame all the time.
> 
> God I wish I knew all this stuff prior to hell breaking lose.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Only at the precipice do we evolve.

I would invite you to visit the Gen Relationship Discussion forum or the Men's Clubhouse, etc.

Look how many people actually listen there.

In general all they actually do is hope someone tells them to do what they already want to do.

When all is perceived to be lost, the potential for growth exists.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Got it.
> 
> Its boring as hell to write and I'm sure it must be annoying to receive but it seems quite effective.
> 
> Beats the doormat behavior where you are willing to accept unjust blame all the time.


Look back over your posts just tonight. She went from straight up blame and accusations to let's do right by D4 (with less blame than before). It IS effective. 

The less you say the more she does.


----------



## ReGroup

Yes!

Now if I can get HK over to my thread. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

BTW, no word on The First Draft for the dissolution of our marriage.

What in the world could be the hold up? I read about these things written up in a matter of a couple of days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> BTW, no word on The First Draft for the dissolution of our marriage.
> 
> What in the world could be the hold up? I read about these things written up in a matter of a couple of days.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No word from who?


----------



## ReGroup

Wife or her lawyer. I gave her my fax number - she agreed to all of my demands "to get me out of her life" last Monday and not a peep about it since.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Wife or her lawyer. I gave her my fax number - she agreed to all of my demands "to get me out of her life" last Monday and not a peep about it since.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's called buyer's remorse.

Her "agreement" meant as much as her other "agreements"

Stay cool, firm, and dispassionate.

Look at the correspondence Pbartender is sending.


----------



## ReGroup

I saw it earlier... masterful job Chip.

We don't have much to quibble about, just more days w/ D4 for me - which gives her more time w/ PosOM and Child Support.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I saw it earlier... masterful job Chip.
> 
> We don't have much to quibble about, just more days w/ D4 for me - which gives her more time w/ PosOM and Child Support.


There's much more quibbling on the way.

I can tell you right now. Every time she runs up against the new masculine ReGroup, posOM suffers by comparison.


----------



## ReGroup

Today I wake up to a text from PosW...

"D4 has no school next Monday the 11th and I have parent - teacher conferene on the 12th until 8pm. Suggestions?"

A few months back I would have jumped at the chance to take off on Monday to get a pat on the back (#3) ...

Now?

ReGroup: Call (Baby-Sitter for Hire) and I can ask a relative if they can assist on Tuesday - you can pick up D4 when you're done.

PosW: D4 doesn't like it there. It's $50 there. 

Mind you, she had her there all last Summer - while she did God knows what.

ReGroup: She'll be fine there for 1 day.

PosW: I'm not ok with putting her there. 

(Lol)

ReGroup: Then find another alternative.

PosW: I'm not ok with your condescending remark.

ReGroup: I'm sorry you feel that way.

I will not banter back.


----------



## Chuck71

She found the 180 but too late. Nice to know she wants to appear to put child before work. But we know the truth. She must not think much of POSOM or his people......I'm sure there is a female in his clan who could baby-sit. Next time you see W, look in her eye. Notice the confusion and desperation. No longer is this new guy appealing and the person she wants most, you, sailed out of the station. Realizing you thought you had two guys to juggle but in reality have none....is a bit frightening.


----------



## Chuck71

"I do not opine this behavior as being conducive to the betterment of D"


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck, 

She's playing games now. And it's sad for everyone involved. This is what she wanted - she's getting it.


----------



## Chuck71

Take away the games, which is what you did. Her life is like Styx "A Grand Illusion". You are hated now that you have yanked down the curtain. Awww....tough sh!t! Group you are flying high, do not deviate. Be aware....late one night she appears at your door with a coat and not much under it. That will be your mid-term. Accept or decline. This is a female's next to last option.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> PosW: D4 doesn't like it there. It's $50 there.
> 
> Mind you, she had her there all last Summer - while she did God knows what.


But it's $50 of her money now and she's just barely scraping by, remember. Come to the rescue RG



ReGroup said:


> ReGroup: Then find another alternative.
> 
> PosW: I'm not ok with your condescending remark.


:slap:


----------



## Chuck71

In NY $50 buys a good meal for one

it also buys a second end dress

but when it comes to D, it's too much

so much for priorities


----------



## ReGroup

Quote of the year... 

PosW: I am not ok with your lack of empathy.

:rofl: :scratchhead:


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG -

Been standing on the sidelines observing your progress. I have two comments:

1. This HAS to be the same woman, your WS and mine. I don't know how she's bouncing between DC and NY, but I'm impressed.

2. You're doing so well you're making the rest of us sad sacks of shyt look bad.

Keep it!


----------



## zillard

I miss my doormat. Suddenly there is mud all over the place.


----------



## ReGroup

Just trying to keep up with zillard - he gives us all a run for our money. 

BW, you are further along than I was when it all happened to me - believe me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> I miss my doormat. Suddenly there is mud all over the place.


Ya know, someone may have been cleaning up that mud all along...

Jeebus, I really don't have time to think about stuff like that!


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Quote of the year...
> 
> PosW: I am not ok with your lack of empathy.
> 
> :rofl: :scratchhead:


You're driving her nuts, RG. 

When Mr. Katy first flipped the script on me, I found it amusing, BUT it proved to me that the script was effective.

Stay the course, sweetie. You're doing excellent!


----------



## Bullwinkle

Yo RG

Was reading your thread again this afternoon, comparing notes, is yours stil ignoring your calls?

Is there anything more maddening on this panet?


----------



## ReGroup

BWinks,

She ignored my phone call last night. 

I am getting used to it. I would ask myself the same questions you are asking yourself now: She got everything - why is she mad at me? 

Then you realize who you're really dealing with and accept it to a point.

I only call her at a certain time to talk to D4. Do the same.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Sounds like the only way. But it makes me crazy. 

I have to ask - do you have ANY idea why yours remains so angry?

WTF!


----------



## ReGroup

I'm not sure... Lol. C-Note says that people like her have a reservoir of endless anger and we're their pinata's - until we remove ourselves. Then they go looking for a new contestant.

March 2012: I'm Done!
May 2012: I'm Done!
June 2012: I'm Done - I want Divorce!
October 2012: I'm Done!
November 2012: I'm Done!
January 2013: I'm Filing!
Febuary 26, 2013: Now I am REALLY DONE!

You have to laugh this stuff off.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Nice chronology, RG. 

Same woman.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm not sure... Lol. C-Note says that people like her have a reservoir of endless anger and we're their pinata's - until we remove ourselves. Then they go looking for a new contestant.
> 
> March 2012: I'm Done!
> May 2012: I'm Done!
> June 2012: I'm Done - I want Divorce!
> October 2012: I'm Done!
> November 2012: I'm Done!
> January 2013: I'm Filing!
> Febuary 26, 2013: Now I am REALLY DONE!
> 
> You have to laugh this stuff off.


Yeah, but THIS time she's serious.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> March 2012: I'm threatening you to get you to comply!
> May 2012: I'm threatening you to get you to comply!
> June 2012: I'm threatening you to get you to comply!
> October 2012: I'm threatening you to get you to comply!
> November 2012: I'm threatening you to get you to comply!
> January 2013: Do what I want, damit!
> Febuary 26, 2013: I'm threatening you to get you to comply!


----------



## ReGroup

The Flood Gates Of Hell Open Up Again:

PosW: Are you planning to see D4 this weekend? You haven't mentioned anything.

RG: Yes. Is Friday pick up till Sunday at 3p ok with you?

PosW: Friday pick up? Why do you tell me these things last minute? I'm not comfortable with a lot of things that have gone on. The weekends are considered Saturday and Sundays. But you don't seem to be around with her on weekends. Are you picking her up on Friday?

RG: My mother can pick her up on Friday. You can pick her up on Sunday at 3pm.

PosW: I'm not ok with you ignoring my concerns and statements.

RG: I'm sorry you feel that way.

PosW: Remember weekends start on Saturday. Hopefully you are around this weekend to put her to bed and care for her by establishing boundaries and setting limits.

RG: Ok, she'll be picked up this Saturday. Going fwd, D4 will be picked up on Fridays. I'm not ok with weekends starting on Saturday.

PosW: I'm sorry you feel that way. But I don't think so. I'm not ok with that threat. You want to be a bully and inflexible. If you were willing to talk about how WE can do things with her then maybe I could be flexible with Fridays but I am not. Putting D4 in a situation where you are not supervising her because you are partying or out with your girlfriend.

RG: I'm not ok with D4 being used as a pawn chip.

PosW: Sweetie, she's not a pawn chip. I actually see the big picture. And can see what your "parenting skills" and lack of supervision and limitless boundaries is doing. You're the one actually using her as a pawn chip with me. You have refused to have a sit down with me and come to an agreement on how to deal with her. What happened this weekend was abusive. I don't blame your mother, I blame you. You should be there putting her to bed and getting up in the middle of the night to take her to the bathroom. Your poor mother taking up for you responsibilities. This is what I do every day. You have another thing coming to you if you think taking her to do fun activities will do much in the long run. You are angry and vengeful towards me that anything I say you automatically shoot down. You cannot even see that.

RG: I'm sorry you feel that way.

PosW: You don't even respect this is my field of study. I feel very sorry for you. Your conversations with D4 are awkward. I feel even sorrier for D4. Please grow up. Think about things a little differently. All you want to do is act like a child and make cliche statements. 

RG: I'm not ok with pestering.

PosW: I'm not pestering RG. I'm trying to talk to your dumba*s.

RG: I'm not ok with insults.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

I was away for one weekend.


----------



## Conrad

ROFLMFAO - seriously

You have never been more attractive to her.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, you must have read it wrong... look at that catastrophe - are you kidding me?!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, you must have read it wrong... look at that catastrophe - are you kidding me?!


No, I'm not kidding at all.

Janie and I went MONTHS without talking to each other.

Been there - done that.

I'm deadly serious.

She "thinks" she'll be happy if she's in control, so she struggles with every knit looking for control.

You denying it to her makes you a puzzle for her to figure out.

Friction = attraction

Doormat = boredom


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I'm not ok with you ignoring
> 
> If you were willing to talk about how WE can do things
> 
> out with your girlfriend.
> 
> Sweetie
> 
> You have refused to have a sit down with me
> 
> anything I say you automatically shoot down
> 
> I feel very sorry for you.
> 
> Please grow up.
> 
> Think about things a little differently.
> 
> I'm trying to talk to your dumba*s.


Conrad is right.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm going to go grab a beer and read your post again. Maybe I'll understand it better.

This woman is combative and angry by nature... she gets her kicks by spewing this stuff.

BTW, your Fitness Test thread was awesome.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm going to go grab a beer and read your post again. Maybe I'll understand it better.
> 
> This woman is combative and angry by nature... she gets her kicks by spewing this stuff.
> 
> BTW, your Fitness Test thread was awesome.


And, you my man, are passing them with flying colors.

She has no earthly idea what to do with you.

But, she isn't quieting down, is she?


----------



## ReGroup

I'm back. 

Is this like The Seinfeld episode where George C does everything "the opposite" and things start falling into place?

I got put down and dissed during that entire exchange and you guys are telling me that I'm increasing my attraction levels?

If so, why doesn't this work for every betrayed spouse out there? When a woman is gone isn't she most likely gone forever?

The more I think I know, the more I realize I don't know a damn thing.

Don't get me wrong, I love this new stance... But she's saying some unnecessary stuff. Yet, things are working in my favor in terms of getting what I want?

I have more learning to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

What have her actions shown you? 

Is this really about a genuine loving interest for D4's well being?


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> What have her actions shown you?
> 
> Is this really about a genuine loving interest for D4's well being?


ReGroup,

I'll answer Zillard's question for you.

None of this verbal crap has a thing to do with your daughter.

This is about your wife searching for codependent ReGroup, searching for some lever to exert control.

Think of it like a soda machine. She is used to pushing her favorite button and getting her favorite flavor. She simply is flabbergasted that the button no longer works.

And, she is seeing your male resolve for the first time in a long time.

That is attractive to her.

If you stand up to her, you'll stand up to the world (for her)

Remember - fitness tests.


----------



## Chuck71

The barrage of insults increase with intensity. It's like eating too much chili and visiting the bathroom. Near the end is the worst. The lioness is about to run out of roar. Why don't all betrayed spouses go back? Well after you see the reflection without the tinted glasses....is it something most would wish to return to? Whether you return or not, there will be pain. Most seek the quickest fix....to return to normalcy. When you discover normalcy was not what you truly sought....decision time. Exactly what happened to me. I walked. I'm glad I did.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> The barrage of insults increase with intensity. It's like eating too much chili and visiting the bathroom. Near the end is the worst. The lioness is about to run out of roar. Why don't all betrayed spouses go back? Well after you see the reflection without the tinted glasses....is it something most would wish to return to? Whether you return or not, there will be pain. Most seek the quickest fix....to return to normalcy. When you discover normalcy was not what you truly sought....decision time. Exactly what happened to me. I walked. I'm glad I did.


Chuck,

Spot on.

The overriding purpose in this forum is to get everyone to the point where they can decide what it is they truly want - and then love themselves enough to act on it.

I have no doubt should the new Group give her another chance that the relationship would be nothing like it was before.

He woundn't permit it.


----------



## ReGroup

This is getting serious!

PosW: Hi ReGroup, 

I purchased a paid of sneakers for D4 this weekend. Her old sneakers were size 10 and has holes in them. She is now a size 11. The cost of the sneakers were $60. Can you provide some reimbursement for the sneakers? In addition, I paid the $35 re-registration fee for her to reserve her spot for Kindergarten and $11.00 for snack, totaling $106.00 shelled out of my own money. Please advise. 

ReGroup: Funds from 3/15's deposit will cover my share.

PosW: No, it wont...that doesnt count.

ReGroup: I'm not ok providing more money.

PosW: Do you realize that you dont provide enough money...?

PosW: I need your W2 and pay stubs in order to figure this 17% out...the lawyer is going to calculate the money based on that since you are saying you dont owe D4 more...

I have been telling you repeatedly to negotiate this fee with me, Im not asking for the whole thing but since you are continuing to be cheap and a bully about it, I have no other choice. 

ReGroup: Please provide me with your lawyer's fax number and I'll fax it to him before 2pm.

PosW: Thank you
_______ _____ PC
indicate my name on the cover sheet please:
Fax:xxx xxx xxxx

ReGroup: I'll fax W-2 before 2pm.

PosW: When can you get me the money for this?

ReGroup: 3 weeks

PosW: The amount of disconnect and indifference coming from your end just only continues to reassure me that this the best decision ever to have been made....you are a special person.

ReGroup: Give me something to fight for. (Seed Planting LOL)

PosW: arent I enough>!>!


----------



## Conrad

And, you respond:

"I'm not ok fighting for our relationship while you are with posOM"


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> PosW: The amount of disconnect and indifference coming from your end just only continues to reassure me that this the best decision ever to have been made....you are a special person.
> 
> ReGroup: Give me something to fight for. (Seed Planting LOL)
> 
> PosW: arent I enough>!>!


LMAO!

I. Love. It.


----------



## ReGroup

Una Novela.

I'm pushing this thing forward. Whether I am completely ready or not... I am tired of the games.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Una Novela.
> 
> I'm pushing this thing forward. Whether I am completely ready or not... I am tired of the games.


With all due respect, I think you need the practice.

She was sent into your life to teach you.

Make sure you learn.


----------



## ReGroup

Believe me Chip... I know this story isn't over. Their will be more layers to this. I plan on doing all the learning I can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MEM2020

Regroup,
You are doing a remarkable job and having Conrad as your wing man is a true gift. 

I have read all of this in one sitting just now. I will abstract a few patterns that I observed, and suggest steps that I believe are critical to your success in achieving your highest priority which luckily for your young daughter is: Maximizing the amount of time the court grants you with your child. 

Patterns that a third party will notice:
1. You show exceptional restraint, self control and boundaries with regard to your wife's profanity, bullying and emotional aggression. 
2. You are consistently polite.

Might I suggest that you consider the following proactive communication from you to your wife:
- I agree that we need to be consistent as much as practical with regards to how we parent D4. 
- I plan to send you a draft within the next few days that captures what I believe to be our verbal agreement regarding those "parenting" guidelines. 
- I will break the guidelines into two sections: "critical" and "other", and will also share some thoughts on how we manage any other folks who we allow to care for her. 
- Lets acknowledge up front that we will ensure to the best of our ability that anyone we allow to care for D4 will understand and follow those guidelines within reason. 
- In the event either of us feel that the other is consistently varying from the spirit of that agreement, lets try to point that out in a constructive, respectful manner. If the situation in question occurs while she is being cared for by someone we have asked to watch her, lets communicate with each other first to try to resolve. 

On a related note, but important enough for me to raise it separately: 
I would like to pick set times for us to be able to speak with D4 every day (that she is in each others care) on the phone. Ideally I would like us to reserve x duration for those calls. Given her age, some of them may be shorter than that. 

If there are guidelines which we cannot reach agreement on, then we can highlight them, and let the 'system' help us reach resolution. 

Regardless of any challenges or frustrations we have with each other, you are the mother of my daughter and I hope you are well. 

-----
Ignoring her comments about your mother not 'following' the verbal agreement, was understandable but not ideal. A family court might see that as you allowing your wife's hostility to impact your daughter a bit. It doesn't make you look bad. It makes you look 'less good'. 

The phone call thing is big. Your phone bill will keep a record of when you get through vs. when you don't. And it will seem abusive of her to refuse you those calls - when she has repeatedly complained that you aren't making enough effort to spend time with your daughter. 

Make sense? 




QUOTE=ReGroup;1505049]I'm going to go grab a beer and read your post again. Maybe I'll understand it better.

This woman is combative and angry by nature... she gets her kicks by spewing this stuff.

BTW, your Fitness Test thread was awesome.[/QUOTE]


----------



## ReGroup

MEM11363, this is some invaluable stuff - thanks for taking your time to read my story and the advise.

I am going to put it to great use. My daughter will certainly profit from both parents being on the same page.

Hopefully, my STBXW (I can officially say that!) will be willing to focus on the same game plan.

She keeps emailing me about me "assuming" things, how I am seeing people, everything that I have done within the past 3 years, my indifference towards her, that I need to win her back, that I am not willing to fight...

I gave her a few doses of the, "I'm not ok... with OM, fighting for the victim chair, blame shifting, etc...

She's far from having a HappyKaty moment... I own my problems and will pronounce them to the world. Lots of areas for improvement.

Like Chip says, "when someone wants to be a victim all bets are off".

I faxed over my W-2's and await a proposal... Team ReGroup will fight tooth and nail for fairness.


----------



## happyman64

I hope you responded to this:



> PosW: arent I enough>!>!


*Ahh No!*


----------



## Chopsy

Have been following your thread RG, am so impressed how you're handling everything! Wow, your stbx is some kind of special crazy. I agree with th others, she is getting something out if you being so in control of yourself. Interesting turn. Keep your chin up, you are doing awesome!


----------



## ReGroup

Thank you Chopsy. It's been a hell of a tranistion. I expect more fun before everything is finalized.

Chip - "With all due respect, I think you need the practice. She was sent into your life to teach you. Make sure you learn. 

I blew this post off... w/ a lazy response. Sorry, emotions were all over the place. I want to revisit this a little more. How can I go about this?


----------



## MEM2020

Regroup,
One more thing. I want you to think carefully about this. 

Regarding her behavior towards you, it has been abusive, hateful and manipulative. You are responding to her really well. 

The w2 thing was awesome. Being quick on that stuff shows you to be a responsible and fair person. 

I have no idea why she thinks she has a right to get immediately hostile to you about grandma vs. you putting her to bed on a given night or being the adult for a middle of the night bathroom trip. Don't argue with her, just focus on the areas that do matter. 

In addition to the stuff in the link below, This is an example that I think has merit: if either of us is going to 'live with or allow regular overnights with a romantic partner, you should do a criminal background check on that person and share the results with your soon to be/ex spouse.'

You can also add this somewhere:
To: W
Your tone with me is often disrespectful, hostile and profane. I am genuinely concerned that you believe it is ok to communicate with me that way. It is not. And it will impair the quality of our joint parenting if it continues. I am even more concerned that it could spill over into the way you speak to our daughter about me. As for my 'skill' at talking on the phone to a 4 year old, I will improve with practice. If you agree to daily calls from the parent who does not have custody that day - it will improve. 

Lately it has been difficult to get in touch with her at all when she is with you. Perhaps we can agree on a daily time for me to call her when she's with you, and a time that works for you when she is with me. If on occasion the custodial parent has a conflict with the usual time, a timely text suggesting an alternative time would be considerate. 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/coparenting_shared_parenting_divorce.htm










QUOTE=ReGroup;1505022]Chip, you must have read it wrong... look at that catastrophe - are you kidding me?![/QUOTE]


----------



## Conrad

By your own testimony, you think it feels awkward to stand up for yourself.

It needs to become second nature.

So, view each interaction as practice on boundaries.

MEM's document outline will provide plenty of practice time

Relish it and observe.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Gentlemen

Is this document by Mem floating around out there somewhere? Sounds like its right up my alley.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Sorry, it was right there....


----------



## Chuck71

She is such a victim she can not stand the blade. She now fronts the D as the object. You can not put anything past this person.

Baby sitter.....shoes....

what next.....pencils for class?


----------



## ReGroup

Chucky, 

I wonder many times whether she knows what she is saying or doing half the time.

It doesn't make any sense.

This thread is littered with contradictions on her part. 

I'm sure tomorrow will be a different story as will the day following that one.


----------



## Chuck71

She is a goose....wakes up in new world daily

as for being a badda boom school psychologist

"I would expect more professionalism from someone in your field of expertise"


----------



## Conrad

Chuck,

What do you think happens if he utters that last line?


----------



## Chuck71

Accountability and planting


----------



## Ceegee

I've just got caught up on your thread and was disappointed when I realized that I had just read the last post. This is a real "page turner".

I have been away from TAM for a while and was lucky enough to get back in time to catch both yours and Zillards stories. These are both classic examples of TAM's effectiveness. 

I regret dropping out for a while and not soliciting more advice from all you guys. Similar to yours, my STBXW is bitter, angry and down right vile. So much so that the attorneys and mental health professional assigned to our case decided it would be best that we no longer communicate directly with one another. ($$$)

I will continue to read along and pick up as much as I can along the way. Best of luck to all of you!


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Accountability and planting


We want to make certain not to escalate


----------



## staystrong

Conrad said:


> Chuck,
> 
> What do you think happens if he utters that last line?


Fuel to the fire.


----------



## K.C.

RG you are dealing with all sorts of crazy with a very level head it seems. Good job!


----------



## ReGroup

I appreciate it.

Lucky enough, I have IC tonight. 

If I were to be honest, some of her blame tactics today managed to seep thru: "You don't feel the need to win me back"

Ugh, someone smack me around a bit. I'm trying to stay centered - maybe it was too much in one day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I appreciate it.
> 
> Lucky enough, I have IC tonight.
> 
> If I were to be honest, some of her blame tactics today managed to seep thru: "You don't feel the need to win me back"
> 
> Ugh, someone smack me around a bit. I'm trying to stay centered - maybe it was too much in one day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know that's why we're here.

Look - I remember a long-term poster whose wife invited him to counseling while she was still banging posOM.

Should he have gone?


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks Chip, though... I'm upset you haven't hit me with any lumber since returning. It needs to happen at least once before the paper work is filed.

God, I hate the man I was during the course of the marriage. I let myself go down a dark path. I hated myself and I didn't do anything about it. It pains me to know that I let it happen. Living life on cruise control. 

It wasn't the best representation of me.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

Her just saying what she did about you not needing to win her back, tells you a lot. She's not done. But she also still wants to toy with you like a cat does a mouse.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... 2 weeks ago she almost ripped off a finger snatching my phone to check who I was texting. Crazy.

I'm getting better with the text and email boundaries... but when we are together physically, the physical attraction on both sides is noticeable. She always follows me into the restroom for a sneak peak. Lol


----------



## MEM2020

Conrad's post is QFT

Guys,
Conrad is very good at directly, calmly and firmly dealing with any behavior he doesn't like. 

It is healthy and assertive to do that. 

And - he is right about not escalating. 

And even if it is true - it might seem like you are bashing the 'person' if you make it about 'them' instead of their behavior. 

This part is just my subjective opinion: she is steadily destroying her own credibility with these written communications. This will help Regroup when custody is determined. 




Conrad said:


> Chuck,
> 
> What do you think happens if he utters that last line?


----------



## Conrad

Emotionally broken people DESIRE escalation.

That's how you end up apologizing for what they did.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> Emotionally broken people DESIRE escalation.
> 
> That's how you end up apologizing for what they did.


Yes! My X - "sometimes I wish you would just yell and scream at me!"


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Yes! My X - "sometimes I wish you would just yell and scream at me!"


Heaven help you if you do


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... My wife would call me heartless and lifeless when I wouldn't go into combat mode. She would say she was "passionate".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol... My wife would call me heartless and lifeless when I wouldn't go into combat mode. She would say she was "passionate".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nothing takes away a blameshifter's agenda more than cool, firm, dispassionate composure.


----------



## ReGroup

I think it's time to fire the I.C. I feel like she's repeating the stuff that I am saying, after I say it. I'm not being challenged and I am not being pushed. 

I have known this for several weeks, but I work long hours and she can accommodate late appointments; narrowing my choices.

I'll start researching tomorrow.

I feel like I had set backs today. Confidence was growing and I took a few steps back. 

Trying Times.


----------



## HappyKaty

You're right, RG. Fire her.


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> Lol... My wife would call me heartless and lifeless when I wouldn't go into combat mode. She would say she was "passionate".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Interesting. After D-Day, my wife said that I had missed things she told me because she communicated through fighting, and that I always wanted to "talk things out". 

No wonder we didn't have good communication.


----------



## Chuck71

SS-Sounds like an issue she has to deal with. Rationale seems to be lost on her.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I think it's time to fire the I.C. I feel like she's repeating the stuff that I am saying, after I say it. I'm not being challenged and I am not being pushed.
> 
> I have known this for several weeks, but I work long hours and she can accommodate late appointments; narrowing my choices.
> 
> I'll start researching tomorrow.
> 
> I feel like I had set backs today. Confidence was growing and I took a few steps back.
> 
> Trying Times.


Little ReGroup wants you to start looking here:

Find an IFS Therapist


----------



## ReGroup

Lil' ReGroup has been b*tching and complaining for the past 20 hours. 

I can't shut his trap. He is also happy that the IFS counselors don't accept my insurance. 

I won't be able to pay out of pocket in the near future because of the pending Divorce.

I even had to decline my Fantasy Baseball invite this year... The Mets are the Mets... The Knicks are imploding... 

Lil ReGroup is on the loose.


----------



## zillard

IFS Store

Go the book route in the meantime. I haven't dove into this quite yet either, but very interested.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks zillard. Thats in my price range. 

PosW: Good morning, we still need to figure out D4's care for Monday the 11th...(Baby Sitter For Hire) is not an option more specifically due to price.

ReGroup: Good Morning, Stay home with her. Inform your superiors of not having an available sitter for the day.

PosW: Im sorry- that is not an option for me because I have 5 meetings that day. It is one of my busiest times during the year, Im doing Turning 5s right now. And if you dont remember for last year, because I mostly stayed home with her, I cannot afford days right now.

- I have stayed with her most days this year. But she doesn't acknowledge that. 

ReGroup: I can't take the day off as well. Maybe you can negotiate a better price with (BSforH). 

PosW: Thanks for you help, I can always depend on you...

- Like I said, nothing I have done has been acknowledged before.

ReGroup: I'm sorry you feel that way.

PosW: Im not...Im glad that I know and realize....

Chilling response. But I'm not rescuing anymore. Call me an a*shole or what ever. It's her problem - let her deal with it. I took off 2 Fridays ago for D4. She can spare 50USD - she's doing all sorts of fun activities on the weekends - I'm sure. She can learn how to prioritize better.


----------



## HappyKaty

Good stuff, Regroup.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Thanks zillard. Thats in my price range.
> 
> PosW: Good morning, we still need to figure out D4's care for Monday the 11th...(Baby Sitter For Hire) is not an option more specifically due to price.
> 
> ReGroup: Good Morning, Stay home with her. Inform your superiors of not having an available sitter for the day.
> 
> PosW: Im sorry- that is not an option for me because I have 5 meetings that day. It is one of my busiest times during the year, Im doing Turning 5s right now. And if you dont remember for last year, because I mostly stayed home with her, I cannot afford days right now.
> 
> - I have stayed with her most days this year. But she doesn't acknowledge that.
> 
> ReGroup: I can't take the day off as well. Maybe you can negotiate a better price with (BSforH).
> 
> PosW: Thanks for you help, I can always depend on you...
> 
> - Like I said, nothing I have done has been acknowledged before.
> 
> ReGroup: I'm sorry you feel that way.
> 
> PosW: Im not...Im glad that I know and realize....
> 
> Chilling response. But I'm not rescuing anymore. Call me an a*shole or what ever. It's her problem - let her deal with it. I took off 2 Fridays ago for D4. She can spare 50USD - she's doing all sorts of fun activities on the weekends - I'm sure. She can learn how to prioritize better.


RG, I'm 6' tall 200lbs. I own a business and have 40 employees. Yet, I am embarrassed to say, I don't have the balls to do what you did. I wish I did - I'm working on it - but right now my 5'4" 125lb STBXW pushes me around like a chump. Because I let her.

Nice job...


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Thanks zillard. Thats in my price range.
> 
> PosW: Good morning, we still need to figure out D4's care for Monday the 11th...(Baby Sitter For Hire) is not an option more specifically due to price.
> 
> ReGroup: Good Morning, Stay home with her. Inform your superiors of not having an available sitter for the day.
> 
> PosW: Im sorry- that is not an option for me because I have 5 meetings that day. It is one of my busiest times during the year, Im doing Turning 5s right now. And if you dont remember for last year, because I mostly stayed home with her, I cannot afford days right now.
> 
> - I have stayed with her most days this year. But she doesn't acknowledge that.
> 
> ReGroup: I can't take the day off as well. Maybe you can negotiate a better price with (BSforH).
> 
> PosW: Thanks for you help, I can always depend on you...
> 
> - Like I said, nothing I have done has been acknowledged before.
> 
> ReGroup: I'm sorry you feel that way.
> 
> PosW: Im not...Im glad that I know and realize....
> 
> Chilling response. But I'm not rescuing anymore. Call me an a*shole or what ever. It's her problem - let her deal with it. I took off 2 Fridays ago for D4. She can spare 50USD - she's doing all sorts of fun activities on the weekends - I'm sure. She can learn how to prioritize better.


Chilling response?

Chills you because she thinks her time is more important than yours, or because little ReGroup is scared that she's right?


----------



## ReGroup

Lil' ReGroup thinks she's right and wants to cave! 

My rational side is telling me that she was complaining last week that D4 didn't like the place - NOW money is the issue.

Verdict: F' Her.

Ceegee - I'm 6'1 195... she's 5'2 125 - We went wrong somewhere.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lil' ReGroup thinks she's right and wants to cave!
> 
> My rational side is telling me that she was complaining last week that D4 didn't like the place - NOW money is the issue.
> 
> Verdict: F' Her.
> 
> Ceegee - I'm 6'1 195... she's 5'2 125 - We went wrong somewhere.


She is flailing and pushing every single button on the soda machine - looking for her favorite flavor.

WHERE IS LITTLE REGROUP?

I NEED MY FIXER - SO I CAN BLAME HIM!


----------



## Conrad

Group,

And, I guarantee you, all this (for her) is subconscious.

She doesn't see it.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, we are in sync! I was going to ask you about that.

She calls me a bully - yet she's the one yelling, insulting, etc...
Infuriated that I went on a play date Lol - yet, PosOm lurks
Demands that I win her back - yet, I did all and then some to work it out
Calls me a liar - yet she's been lying and cheating behind my back
Questions my parenting - yet her attention is diverted else where

This is fascinating stuff


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, we are in sync! I was going to ask you about that.
> 
> She calls me a bully - yet she's the one yelling, insulting, etc...
> Infuriated that I went on a play date Lol - yet, PosOm lurks
> Demands that I win her back - yet, I did all and then some to work it out
> Calls me a liar - yet she's been lying and cheating behind my back
> Questions my parent - yet her attention is diverted else where
> 
> This is facinating stuff


Almost 100% projection.

The things she hates most about you are the very things she herself is doing.

Because she hates herself.


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
Often the beauty of having spatial separation is clarity. You are absolutely seeing what 'is'. 

My 'thing' is subtext. Perhaps you can think of it as 'x ray vision' with regard to intent. 

When I read the part of your wife's message that included: 'your poor mother should not have to put D4 to bed, that is your job, when I have her, I am the one who has to do that'

I heard:
- I am beyond fury that you are going out and socializing/dating other women. 
- I am jealous and resentful that you have your mother helping you and I have no one to help me

----------
RG,
I also suggest that you refrain from saying things like 'a 7 PM bedtime as punishment for D4 is ridiculous'. 

You sound judgemental when you do that, and you didn't even suggest an alternative. This is where having parenting guidelines might help. And it might not. Frankly - she isn't hitting D4, she is just putting her to bed early. It might be harsher than you like, but it isn't outside the bounds of acceptable parenting. 






ReGroup said:


> Chip, we are in sync! I was going to ask you about that.
> 
> She calls me a bully - yet she's the one yelling, insulting, etc...
> Infuriated that I went on a play date Lol - yet, PosOm lurks
> Demands that I win her back - yet, I did all and then some to work it out
> Calls me a liar - yet she's been lying and cheating behind my back
> Questions my parenting - yet her attention is diverted else where
> 
> This is fascinating stuff


----------



## ReGroup

MEM,

I did say that and it does sound judgmental but I offered an alternative and she countered with: Nice Google research. I have been doing it - it doesn't work.

I don't spoil my daughter but I can definitely tighten up in some aspects.

But duly noted. I need to stay away from those types of comments - I can definitely see how she can take offense to it... Even though she has no problems dishing it. FML.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> MEM,
> 
> I did say that and it does sound judgmental but I offered an alternative and she countered with: Nice Google research. I have been doing it - it doesn't work.
> 
> I don't spoil my daughter but I can definitely tighten up in some aspects.
> 
> But duly noted. I need to stay away from those types of comments - I can definitely see how she can take offense to it... Even though she has no problems dishing it. FML.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Those sorts of things escalate conflict.

Once conflict is escalated, the openings for blameshifting present themselves - like night follows day.


----------



## Chuck71

It is possible she could have five evaluations / IEP / 504's in one day but I would seriously doubt it. The reasoning is spur of the moment because deep within....(she thinks) she will eventually hit the correct button "on the soda machine." I know some people live through their job but to fathom five meetings above child.....nah.....that is beyond grasping at straws. But as we know....she hates herself....and by sh!t YOU will pay for it.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> It is possible she could have five evaluations / IEP / 504's in one day but I would seriously doubt it. The reasoning is spur of the moment because deep within....(she thinks) she will eventually hit the correct button "on the soda machine." I know some people live through their job but to fathom five meetings above child.....nah.....that is beyond grasping at straws. But as we know....she hates herself....and by sh!t YOU will pay for it.


But, only if you pull out your wallet.


----------



## ReGroup

For some reason... I have a feeling that she's gotten the hint. She has too much pride to press any further. 

We'll get divorced and that'll be that.

I'm going to do all thats required of me and leave her alone. Which I already have.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> For some reason... I have a feeling that she's gotten the hint. She has too much pride to press any further.
> 
> We'll get divorced and that'll be that.
> 
> I'm going to do all thats required of me and leave her alone. Which I already have.


You really don't know.

Human beings sometimes do the right thing, when left with no alternatives.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> She has too much pride to press any further.


Even the most prideful person gets to a point where pride no longer matters.


----------



## Chuck71

Even stars burn out eventually......so shall she......pride is simply a shield for acknowledging deeds


----------



## MEM2020

Regroup,
It is painful to have love without respect. There may come a time when she pushes you to reconcile. 

When that happens you might consider focusing on only one aspect of her behavior towards you: respect

Without that, no real recon is possible. And the simplest, easiest litmus test for that is a question from you to her: 

If you could go back in time, what would you do differently? You cannot 'give her the answer', and if she can't figure it out on her own there is no chance of a recon that produces a successful marriage. 

At minimum: 
1. If she respected you/your marriage and herself she wouldn't have cheated. She might have divorced you. Or she might have demanded an open marriage - outright, giving you a tough choice to make. 
2. Cursing and belittling you is not ok. 
3. Toxic emasculation is not ok: Accusing you of 'not manning up' because you won't compete with another man for her is beyond the pale. 



QUOTE=ReGroup;1510145]For some reason... I have a feeling that she's gotten the hint. She has too much pride to press any further. 

We'll get divorced and that'll be that.

I'm going to do all thats required of me and leave her alone. Which I already have.[/QUOTE]


----------



## ReGroup

Well MEM, if she didn't respect me then... I'm certainly going to command it now.

I'm going to be consistent w/ D4 and C.D.F. her to death.


----------



## Chuck71

Keep in mind what she is saying.....you never did right in the past but she wants you to win her back......


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Well MEM, if she didn't respect me then... I'm certainly going to command it now.
> 
> I'm going to be consistent w/ D4 and C.D.F. her to death.


She wasn't - and currently isn't - able to see past the end of her nose.

She's far from alone.

Look at Z's X. Far from getting it together to stay near her daughter, she's imploding.

Look at Pbar's situation.

Soca's

Bullwinkle's

Voltaire's


----------



## zillard

MEM11363 said:


> *At minimum*:
> 1. If she respected you/your marriage and herself she wouldn't have cheated. She might have divorced you. Or she might have demanded an open marriage - outright, giving you a tough choice to make.
> 2. Cursing and belittling you is not ok.
> 3. Toxic emasculation is not ok: Accusing you of 'not manning up' because you won't compete with another man for her is beyond the pale.


Yes. Look for things like this that my X told me:

I regret being so ugly with you when we had disagreements.
I've failed you both on many levels. 
I'm incapable of dealing with a lot of things in a rational, normal, healthy way.
I have a short temper. 
I have problems seeing things from others' points of view.
I'm so sorry I let you down. 
I never meant for things to end up like this.
I'm so sorry I've hurt you. 
That's the last thing I ever wanted to do.
I wish I would have gone to therapy a long time ago.

BUT... this was still not enough, as you can see by thread. This stuff was in early January and she is still a mess. Still acting selfishly.


----------



## Conrad

Zillard,

She's still looking for the right button on the machine.

Those were just words.

Her actions tell you that.


----------



## ReGroup

The soda machine anology was terrific.

Chip, people who "can't see past their own nose"..."victims"... etc... people who don't go through The TAM Carwash - they just continue making the same mistake over and over again?

W's grandmother was married 3 times and divorced them all - It was all the other person's fault. I thought she was an exception.

(Not to say that we've been cured... yet)


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> Zillard,
> 
> She's still looking for the right button on the machine.
> 
> Those were just words.
> 
> Her actions tell you that.


Yes. 

"I'm trying very hard to please you."

Because nothing else has worked yet.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> The soda machine anology was terrific.
> 
> Chip, people who "can't see past their own nose"..."victims"... etc... people who don't go through The TAM Carwash - they just continue making the same mistake over and over again?
> 
> W's grandmother was married 3 times and divorced them all - It was all the other person's fault. I thought she was an exception.
> 
> (Not to say that we've been cured... yet)


X's grandmother went through 7. X's mom went through 3, I think. More if you count shacking up w/kids.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The soda machine anology was terrific.
> 
> Chip, people who "can't see past their own nose"..."victims"... etc... people who don't go through The TAM Carwash - they just continue making the same mistake over and over again?
> 
> W's grandmother was married 3 times and divorced them all - It was all the other person's fault. I thought she was an exception.
> 
> (Not to say that we've been cured... yet)


I can only speak from experience.

I've been married twice.

By the time Janie and I got to the root of our problems (2nd marriage), they were EXACTLY the same issues I had with ex)

I'd say that's a yes.

If you met Janie and my ex, you would never in a million years think I could have the same problem with both.

But, I did.

Perhaps the "problem" wasn't them... ya think?


----------



## Conrad

This kind of dovetails with what I've told ReGroup.

If Janie and I didn't have what we have between the sheets, I'd already be divorced - again. I valued that so much, I re-worked my entire outlook to get right with myself and that's when the cool, firm, dispassionate masculine mettle message took hold.

When I say these kinds of things, occasionally, I get the horrified reactions involved with, "Is that all this is to you, etc."

All I have to say is, relationship glue is valuable.

And, that whole subconscious attraction thing is a huge part of the ballgame.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> This kind of dovetails with what I've told ReGroup.
> 
> If Janie and I didn't have what we have between the sheets, I'd already be divorced - again. I valued that so much, I re-worked my entire outlook to get right with myself and that's when the cool, firm, dispassionate masculine mettle message took hold.
> 
> When I say these kinds of things, occasionally, I get the horrified reactions involved with, "Is that all this is to you, etc."
> 
> All I have to say is, relationship glue is valuable.
> 
> And, that whole subconscious attraction thing is a huge part of the ballgame.


I understand what you mean, and agree. 

I lived with two women and came close to marriage before this one. Similar endings. I would never consider taking either of them back. This one I could if things aligned.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> I understand what you mean, and agree.
> 
> I lived with two women and came close to marriage before this one. Similar endings. I would never consider taking either of them back. This one I could if things aligned.


I can tell.

Truly letting that go is very difficult.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> I can tell.
> 
> Truly letting that go is very difficult.


It is. There is a certain type of fire that is difficult to extinguish. 

At the end of our inhouse separation, during arguments she would always bring up sex, unprompted and always as a sudden tangent. 

You're never gonna get this again.
Don't even think that it will ever happen.

It was obviously on her mind. Seemed she was telling herself no, not me. 

Then the one time I said something similar to her, she responded with "you are such a good lay. I'm gonna miss that". 

--
sorry for hijacking your thread RG. Maybe this will shed some light on why I think your W is attracted when she flares up though.


----------



## ReGroup

z, this is your thread as well... please - we are all here learning. 

I do think the attraction is still there btw PosW and I ... I notice it. 

That attraction though, is turning into seething hate.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> z, this your thread as well... please - we are all here learning.
> 
> I do think the attraction is still there btw PosW and I ... I notice it.
> 
> That attraction though, is turning into seething hate.


And is seething hate the opposite of burning "love"?


----------



## MEM2020

Z,

My wife and I are struggling with much of your list below - right now. Three weeks of on and off conflict led to yesterday. 

We both have our part in it. Note the sequence: 

Yesterday she asked me to do something that either of us could easily do. This is objective truth:
1. We have a pattern - she does the morning school drop and I do the afternoon pickup. Sometimes we switch off. If something prevents either of us from our turn, the other gladly volunteers. 
2. I had volunteered one morning because she was tired, and I also did the afternoon because she asked. The next morning she had a headache, she was going to do it anyway, but I happily insisted. Bright sun in your eyes is a headache amplifier. Glad o do it. I had done 3 in a row. She 'asked' if I would do the afternoon pickup. We were both equally - not very busy. I declined via tone of voice. She asked me a second time at which point I am clearly annoyed and point out she understood my answer just fine the first time. She firmly instructs me to 'explain' my reasoning next time if I don't want to do something and leaves to do the pickup. 

Willful incomprehension followed by blame shifting. 

W then leaves for volunteer duty, I go to the gym: when we reconvene later that night she is 'insisting that she has to walk on eggshells because she never knows what might set me off'. 

I am firm. She asked a question, I wasn't angry, mildly annoyed - yes. My tone made it clear I didn't want to go. I was angry when she pretended not to understand the first answer and asked a second time. But I was still calm in tone/volume. When she then chastised me for not explaining in words 'what I was going to be doing to justify declining to do what she asked' I got more angry. Not loud just - WTF. I repeated - you understood me the first time, just didn't like the answer. 

She claims she has 'no idea' what will set off my 'hair trigger'. I pointed out that she is unable to understand anything but 'yes' when she fixates on getting some result. 

At this point she explains that I am just 'too sensitive'. I suggest ending the conversation. We do. Later she raises it again. We both escalate. She goes to: I just don't think you are happy with me. (I recognize this as the prelude to a conversation about divorce). 

I am quiet for a while, and then I laugh and say 'is this going to be like those conversations in highschool where someone tells you - this isn't about you, it's about me. You deserve someone better. '

She says: You are constantly angry with me, and I have no idea how to make you happy. I am not perfect, and sometimes it seems like that is what you need. 

What I should have said: I am sorry you think that. I sometimes get frustrated with what is happening. Sometimes we both get frustrated, like today. Overall I think we 'work' much better than we 'don't work'. I thought you felt the same. If you don't, lets not try to resolve this at 11:30 at night. As for what happened today - it was painful for both of us, lets move on. 

Epic fail: 
What I actually said was: Am I constantly angry or are you entitled, controlling, selfish and aggressive? 

THAT is a failed fitness test. 

She then escalated further and I was silent. She slept upstairs - her choice. This morning she escalated further. I stayed calm. It has been a long day. 


QUOTE=zillard;1510318]Yes. Look for things like this that my X told me:

I regret being so ugly with you when we had disagreements.
I've failed you both on many levels. 
I'm incapable of dealing with a lot of things in a rational, normal, healthy way.
I have a short temper. 
I have problems seeing things from others' points of view.
I'm so sorry I let you down. 
I never meant for things to end up like this.
I'm so sorry I've hurt you. 
That's the last thing I ever wanted to do.
I wish I would have gone to therapy a long time ago.

BUT... this was still not enough, as you can see by thread. This stuff was in early January and she is still a mess. Still acting selfishly.[/QUOTE]


----------



## MEM2020

Nope.

Burning love PLUS aggressive disrespect produces a compound called seething hate. 







Conrad said:


> And is seething hate the opposite of burning "love"?


----------



## Conrad

MEM,

Happens to us all.

Back at it tomorrow.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> z, this is your thread as well... please - we are all here learning.
> 
> I do think the attraction is still there btw PosW and I ... I notice it.
> 
> That attraction though, is turning into seething hate.


Passion and emotions fluctuate - ebb and flow- though. If that aggressive disrespect for you were to decrease, would love increase again?

At one point (her confession) I was staring my X down (maybe a foot from her face) nealy hyperventilating with rage, envisioning myself picking up the wooden chair next to me and... well I'm glad I left the room to calm down. 

But that intense anger is gone now and her level of disrespect has decreased drastically.


----------



## MEM2020

Z,
This is tough stuff. It just is. 




zillard said:


> Yes. Look for things like this that my X told me:
> 
> I regret being so ugly with you when we had disagreements.
> I've failed you both on many levels.
> I'm incapable of dealing with a lot of things in a rational, normal, healthy way.
> I have a short temper.
> I have problems seeing things from others' points of view.
> I'm so sorry I let you down.
> I never meant for things to end up like this.
> I'm so sorry I've hurt you.
> That's the last thing I ever wanted to do.
> I wish I would have gone to therapy a long time ago.
> 
> BUT... this was still not enough, as you can see by thread. This stuff was in early January and she is still a mess. Still acting selfishly.


----------



## MEM2020

Conrad,
Thank you. 






Conrad said:


> MEM,
> 
> Happens to us all.
> 
> Back at it tomorrow.


----------



## zillard

MEM11363 said:


> Z,
> This is tough stuff. It just is.


Agreed. And she's a long way from making it workable. 

I'm glad to hear you and your wife are still trying. Each mistake is a learning opportunity.


----------



## ReGroup

Yeah, MEM and Chip's relationships are great examples of couples doing what they need to do to keep it together. Try, try and try again. If its not working - then try a new approach.

Its what I wanted for my marriage and child. Learn from each other and progress. As oppose to disposing and looking for something else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

MEM11363 said:


> Nope.
> 
> Burning love PLUS aggressive disrespect produces a compound called seething hate.


Uh huh.

And, indifference is the polar opposite of love.

Seething hate is actually easier to work with than indifference, because of the passion.

When a woman is "checked out", THEN it's over.


----------



## ReGroup

That's why you are stressing that I regain my Masculine Mettle and observe the Fitness Testing right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> That's why you are stressing that I regain my Masculine Mettle and observe the Fitness Testing right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely.

You don't know what will happen until it happens.

But, you move forward with your life, regardless.

I STILL think Zillard's X will eventually find religion. She's young enough and they have that attraction thing going.

Your STBXW is making all the noises of someone who is STILL enormously intrigued with you.

That doesn't mean you cave in. Quite the contrary.

You get the idea.

Stay the course.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> I STILL think Zillard's X will eventually find religion. She's young enough and they have that attraction thing going.


Interestingly, this one is less attractive - by society's standards - than the others. Completely different for me. It's just there. Can't explain it.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Interestingly, this one is less attractive - by society's standards - than the others. Completely different for me. It's just there. Can't explain it.


Understand this...

It's either "there" - or it's not.

There is no way to measure it objectively


----------



## Chuck71

Group, your spouse and Z's still have possibilities down the road.....if it is agreeable. It could be worse, you could have been in my shoes....ex turning 48 and a refusal to acknowledge nor address her issues. Fifteen years....down the toilet. But no, it was not all bad by any stretch. As Conrad says, Zs may find religion...yours may too. As for mine.....lol.....she can not find something she never understood to begin with.


----------



## ReGroup

Paper work is in... I'm not nervous or excited - the exchange:

STBX: Quick question....in terms of claiming D4 on taxes, you said that I could claim her this year...will this be standard for me every year?

RG: I believe the primary care taker should be the claimer.

STBX: ok, agreed.... can we meet this weekend so you can view and approve the paperwork...?

RG: I want to run it by my attorney first. I'm not going to approve it until its reviewed.

STBX: should I send it to you via email then?

RG: Yes

STBX: I meant meeting so I could give you the paperwork, not for you to read it and sign it and thats it....just in case you wanted to talk about anything....but I will send it to you via email.

RG: My lawyer isn't in her office till Monday so give us 48 hours to sign or counter. Latest by Thursday or Friday.

STBX: Im sure your girlfriend will be very happy.... everything that you have asked for is there...

RG: Send it so that I can look at it.

Surreal


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> STBX: Im sure your girlfriend will be very happy.... everything that you have asked for is there...


Reads: "I'm so scared that you have a girlfriend. Please tell me you do not, so my fears can be laid to rest. Please tell me you're still pining for me..."


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Paper work is in... I'm not nervous or excited - the exchange:
> 
> STBX: Quick question....in terms of claiming D4 on taxes, you said that I could claim her this year...will this be standard for me every year?
> 
> RG: I believe the primary care taker should be the claimer.
> 
> STBX: ok, agreed.... can we meet this weekend so you can view and approve the paperwork...?
> 
> RG: I want to run it by my attorney first. I'm not going to approve it until its reviewed.
> 
> STBX: should I send it to you via email then?
> 
> RG: Yes
> 
> STBX: I meant meeting so I could give you the paperwork, not for you to read it and sign it and thats it....just in case you wanted to talk about anything....but I will send it to you via email.
> 
> RG: My lawyer isn't in her office till Monday so give us 48 hours to sign or counter. Latest by Thursday or Friday.
> 
> STBX: Im sure your girlfriend will be very happy.... everything that you have asked for is there...
> 
> RG: Send it so that I can look at it.
> 
> Surreal


I've heard your girlfriend is really hot.


----------



## Chuck71

characteristic drama delay 101

flying high Group


----------



## ReGroup

Their are a few things that stick out like a sour thumb. 
Not fair at all.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

I know I've said it before but the similarities here are scary. I just had the almost identical conversation 24 hours ago with Crazy Woman. 

I got the same reference to "my girlfriend". The old Bullwinkle would have said, what are you talking about? I don't have a girlfriend. But I kept my yap shut.


----------



## ReGroup

I didn't respond to it either. Lol.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Someday when this is all over we should compare notes. 

I'll wager mine is even meaner and crazier than yours.


----------



## ReGroup

Hey BW... How's this for crazy?

STBX: May I ask how you are feeling about all of this?

:scratchhead:

I need a vacation.


----------



## Conrad

Again - all this BS is designed to get a reaction - with the goal of blameshifting.

Women interpret restraint as strength.

Good job gentlemen


----------



## ReGroup

I don't even know how to respond to that. Lol


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

I think you and Conrad have nailed this. Blame shifting extraordinaire. But I also think she wants you back. 

Whatever the hell you're doing, keep it up.


----------



## spun

Conrad said:


> Again - all this BS is designed to get a reaction - with the goal of blameshifting.
> 
> Women interpret restraint as strength.
> 
> Good job gentlemen


He finally started standing up to her.

That's not what RG does.

Therefore, he must have a hottie in the wings


----------



## zillard

HappyKaty said:


> Reads: "I'm so scared that you have a girlfriend. Please tell me you do not, so my fears can be laid to rest. Please tell me you're still pining for me..."


Scared that you have a girlfriend... 

because you are increasingly attractive to her so you must.


----------



## ReGroup

Damn, I want to curse her the hell out.


----------



## ReGroup

*Want*


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> STBX: can we meet this weekend...?
> 
> STBX: I meant meeting....just in case you wanted to talk about anything....
> 
> STBX: [NO!? You don't want to spend time with ME!?!] Im sure your girlfriend will be very happy....


----------



## Bullwinkle

Stay the course. 

Bullwinkle would crumble and curse her out and feel better for a few minutes but then regret it. 

I'm so freaking jealous at how shrewd you're playing this.


----------



## zillard

Mine tried sitting in my lap while reviewing paperwork. I moved over. She sat right next to me and threw her leg up over mine. Got up multiple times for snack, drink, toilet and repeated. 

I pretended not to notice. Got the signature. Went to bed.


----------



## Conrad

Bullwinkle said:


> RG
> 
> I think you and Conrad have nailed this. Blame shifting extraordinaire. But I also think she wants you back.
> 
> Whatever the hell you're doing, keep it up.


The whole divorce now for her is one giant fitness test - to see if he actually has the balls to do it, without cracking.

I'm laying odds on who will crack.

And, it ain't him.


----------



## ReGroup

Yeah, you handled yours like a pro... I remember reading that.

I'm not even going to answer to her: May I ask how you are feeling about all of this?

Godforbid I were to open up to this woman... it'll go like everything else within the past few months - one ear, out the other.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Yeah, you handled yours like a pro... I remember reading that.
> 
> I'm not even going to answer to her: May I ask how you are feeling about all of this?
> 
> Godforbid I were to open up to this woman... it'll go like everything else within the past few months - one ear, out the other.


She can ask all she wants. :rofl:


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Yeah, you handled yours like a pro... I remember reading that.
> 
> I'm not even going to answer to her: May I ask how you are feeling about all of this?
> 
> Godforbid I were to open up to this woman... it'll go like everything else within the past few months - one ear, out the other.


If you don't answer, she'll assume you're with your hot new girlfriend and she'll find something else to text about. 

She's not going to let you enjoy your gf, sweetie.


----------



## ReGroup

It was the most awesome thing... I went on a Play Date! With a woman I have no interest in and all of a sudden - I have a girlfriend. Not one, but several.

Projection at its best.


----------



## HappyKaty

It's about control. She no longer has it, and she's butthurt. The next step is her realizing she's a POS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## spun

HappyKaty said:


> It's about control. She no longer has it, and she's butthurt. The next step is her realizing she's a POS.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now that RG is holding his ground on what is and is not OK with, he no longer ends up apologizing for things she has done.

It's a b!tch to be her now.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> It was the most awesome thing... I went on a Play Date! With a woman I have no interest in and all of a sudden - I have a girlfriend. Not one, but several.
> 
> Projection at its best.


I saw a Showtime Series slated for this fall....

*ReGroup's Harem*

Coincidence?


----------



## ReGroup

This lawyer is a clown: The defandant has to take out a ___K life insurance policy for D4 within 6 months of the divorce.

1. I already have one for her.
2. Who are they to tell me what limit to set?
3. Only the defendant has to take one out?

Its only the first draft... I know. Its just funny how this stuff reads. I'm picking it apart myself - I wonder what Team ReGroup will do with it.


----------



## MEM2020

ReGroup,
Take a deep bow. Absolutely stellar self control. Wow. 

Do you recognize her single minded pursuit of goal? 

Do you understand what that goal is, because she really only has one goal at the moment? 

It is not recon. Yes - she is still interested in you. But that is not her goal. 

On a specific note: 

The girl friend comments are over the top - given that she is the cheater. 

The: how do you feel about all this? 

What a howler coming from someone who cheats, leaves you, curses at, insults and attacks you. 

Do you understand what her goal is? 

She is compulsively attempting to get you to engage 'emotionally'. 

Her past experience with you has taught her that when she can get you to engage emotionally she is able to take control of the situation. And to get you to do what she wants. 

Remember one phrase for when you are stuck being in her physical presence. And use it when needed. 

"I wasn't planning to discuss that with you, if its important, send me an email and I will think about it"

What that phrase does is - it gives you as much time as needed to think about anything that you aren't ready for and/or that has gotten you riled up.

It doesn't commit you to do anything. And if she goes for the throat with "are you afraid of me", can't you just have a conversation like a normal "man" would. 

You can just say: For the foreseeable future I am limiting what we discuss to constructive conversations about our daughter. 




ReGroup said:


> It was the most awesome thing... I went on a Play Date! With a woman I have no interest in and all of a sudden - I have a girlfriend. Not one, but several.
> 
> Projection at its best.


----------



## ReGroup

F*cking Brilliant MEM!


----------



## Bullwinkle

You're right, Conrad, but by my estimation, not rough enough. 

All BS aside, this story will not be over till he is picking those brown molars out of his azz.


----------



## ReGroup

BullWinkle is running rampant. Lol


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> BullWinkle is running rampant. Lol


By the end of this, posOM will feel like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat....

Sorry, RG. Nothing worse than these bloggers who go on for five million words on your thread about how this morning their wife didn't put enough Half and Half in their coffee, the big Hijack. 

Okay, I'm settled down now, sorry for the outburst


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> This lawyer is a clown: The defandant has to take out a ___K life insurance policy for D4 within 6 months of the divorce.


That's actually not all that uncommon... I've got it in the draft of our divorce agreement as well. It's just there to unsure that either parent has the available funds to continue the child's standard of living should the other die.

However... Yeah, make sure the same stipulation is in there for her, also.



ReGroup said:


> 1. I already have one for her.


Then don't worry about it.



ReGroup said:


> 2. Who are they to tell me what limit to set?


They are the same ones who are telling you what days you get to see your daughter and what days you don't. They are the ones who are telling you what you are allowed to do when she's with you, and what you aren't.

That's who.

If you don't like it, then negotiate a change, just like any other point in the agreement. If it's something you would do, or are doing anyway... Again, don't worry about it.


Pb.


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
I would have thought the law would require her to do the same, but it may not. If she is not legally required, she likely won't do it. And if she doesn't have to - and won't - let me know and I will give you a very short email to send her. At some future point when she is lying about your history, and your daughter is over 18, you will have the option of showing her how mommy put sticking it to daddy ahead of her welfare. 

The link below seemed reasonable. 

3 Tips for Obtaining Life Insurance Required by a Divorce Decree | Online Life Insurance Quotes | Buy Term Life Insurance Online


Your daughter is 4 so a 15 year term policy should do it. 




ReGroup said:


> This lawyer is a clown: The defandant has to take out a ___K life insurance policy for D4 within 6 months of the divorce.
> 
> 1. I already have one for her.
> 2. Who are they to tell me what limit to set?
> 3. Only the defendant has to take one out?
> 
> Its only the first draft... I know. Its just funny how this stuff reads. I'm picking it apart myself - I wonder what Team ReGroup will do with it.


----------



## ReGroup

Sorry guys, I was on "Hater" mode in regards to the Life Insurance thing...

I won't have a chance to speak to my attorney until this coming Tuesday, so we will have to play the waiting game. 

I am an inpatient and anxious human being - it's going to test my resolve.

I never responded to: Lets get together, what do you think about all of this, lets discuss... blah, blah

This woman hasn't been a friend for more than a year and now she wants to talk?

Feeling optimistic about my future... but like my boy KC just posted, their are still a few things holding me back. I need to figure out what they are.

In the settlement I have D4 3 out of the possible 4 weekends in the month - small victory there.

She's asking for a lot of money for child support. We might have to go to a NYC official to straighten that out. 

I'm going to try and avoid her this weekend. Avoid the blame shifting.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

Didn't even notice you were in Hater mode, probably because Hate and Anger are what keep me going.

Good plan to just avoid her as much as possible.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Sorry guys, I was on "Hater" mode in regards to the Life Insurance thing...
> 
> I never responded to: Lets get together, what do you think about all of this, lets discuss... blah, blah
> 
> This woman hasn't been a friend for more than a year and now she wants to talk?


Oh, boy. If you haven't, read through my threads and take a look at my situation. Because it sounds like you are doing much the same thing my STBXW is...

You are letting your hate and anger and resentment cloud your judgement. You are letting them get in the way of the negotiations required to finish the deal and finalize the divorce. You are stonewalling for the sake of spite... to "punish" your wife for inflicting all this pain on you.

IT'S PUTTING THE YOU IN THE FOG.

For the sake of your daughter and yourself, you need to set those feelings aside and attend to business.


Pb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Her terms or your terms

you are the victor

her actions show this

recall the post made back in January

she will be oncoming like freight train

she is loading coal


----------



## ReGroup

Pbartender said:


> Oh, boy. If you haven't, read through my threads and take a look at my situation. Because it sounds like you are doing much the same thing my STBXW is...
> 
> You are letting your hate and anger and resentment cloud your judgement. You are letting them get in the way of the negotiations required to finish the deal and finalize the divorce. You are stonewalling for the sake of spite... to "punish" your wife for inflicting all this pain on you.
> 
> IT'S PUTTING THE YOU IN THE FOG.
> 
> For the sake of your daughter and yourself, you need to set those feelings aside and attend to business.
> 
> 
> Pb.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


PB, when I wrote "hater" mode - I meant I was looking to nitpick at the settlement proposal yesterday. 

If you read my thread, you'll notice that I am not battling anger with her - just confusion.

I was looking at the paper work and made "at the moment" comments about them with you guys. 

Punish? I have given this woman the greatest separation she could possibly ask for. Spite? Never... I only want what's fair. 

You'll notice... I'm sharing my emotions with you guys... not with her.

All business like with me: no anger, cursing, I don't even use caps on emails or text, I don't raise my voice... I stay away and communicate when she initiates about D4 stuff.


----------



## Conrad

Group,

I don't envy you navigating the NY "legal" system.



ReGroup said:


> Sorry guys, I was on "Hater" mode in regards to the Life Insurance thing...
> 
> I won't have a chance to speak to my attorney until this coming Tuesday, so we will have to play the waiting game.
> 
> I am an inpatient and anxious human being - it's going to test my resolve.
> 
> I never responded to: Lets get together, what do you think about all of this, lets discuss... blah, blah
> 
> This woman hasn't been a friend for more than a year and now she wants to talk?
> 
> Feeling optimistic about my future... but like my boy KC just posted, their are still a few things holding me back. I need to figure out what they are.
> 
> In the settlement I have D4 3 out of the possible 4 weekends in the month - small victory there.
> 
> She's asking for a lot of money for child support. We might have to go to a NYC official to straighten that out.
> 
> I'm going to try and avoid her this weekend. Avoid the blame shifting.


----------



## ReGroup

Yes, I know that I am screwed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> PB, when I wrote "hater" mode - I meant I was looking to nitpick at the settlement proposal yesterday.
> 
> If you read my thread, you'll notice that I am not battling anger with her - just confusion.
> 
> I was looking at the paper work and made "at the moment" comments about them with you guys.
> 
> Punish? I have given this woman the greatest separation she could possibly ask for. Spite? Never... I only want what's fair.
> 
> You'll notice... I'm sharing my emotions with you guys... not with her.
> 
> All business like with me: no anger, cursing, I don't even use caps on emails or text, I don't raise my voice... I stay away and communicate when she initiates about D4 stuff.


Fair enough... Pardon my confusion, then.


Pb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yes, I know that I am screwed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I lived in NY for 10 years.

Never understood the propensity to double-down on every single thing that produces no positive results.


----------



## ReGroup

Exhausting isn't it?

So I am at work today. Before coming here, I asked my mother who is staying with me for a couple of weeks to make the exchange with PosW as pleasant as possible... No talk about anything. 

My mother was basically her mother throughout our relationship. Her mother is a nut case to say the least.

Well, it didn't go the way I wanted. PosW went into "he didn't fight for me" and my mother let her have it. 

PosW: Real low showing your mom pictures that u found when u broke into my email. 

God Help Me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Exhausting isn't it?
> 
> So I am at work today. Before coming here, I asked my mother who is staying with me for a couple of weeks to make the exchange with PosW as pleasant as possible... No talk about anything.
> 
> My mother was basically her mother throughout our relationship. Her mother is a nut case to say the least.
> 
> Well, it didn't go the way I wanted. PosW went into "he didn't fight for me" and my mother let her have it.
> 
> PosW: Real low showing your mom pictures that u found when u broke into my email.
> 
> God Help Me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will need to tell her you're not ok with that.

(No surprise her mother is a nut case)

I would imagine your mother has figured out it's not worth "fighting for" anyone who currently is banging posOM.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol...

I feel like I have to do some damage control.

ReGroup: Why did you go into it with PosW

Mom: I didn't initiate anything. She came here with the "ReGroup didn't fight for me" song and dance... I couldn't take it. I didn't mention Divorce or your relationship. She just started talking. I said: You have a man. I would have done the same as ReGroup... I dont fight for anyone - you want to be with someone else... fine. Its not his problem anymore.


----------



## HappyKaty

I heart your mom.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> I feel like I have to do some damage control.
> 
> ReGroup: Why did you go into it with PosW
> 
> Mom: I didn't initiate anything. She came here with the "ReGroup didn't fight for me" song and dance... I couldn't take it. I didn't mention Divorce or your relationship. She just started talking. I said: You have a man. I would have done the same as ReGroup... I dont fight for anyone - you want to be with someone else... fine. Its not his problem anymore.


I would say posW has to regroup now.

And, why do you think "damage control" is on you?


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> PosW: Real low showing your mom pictures that u found when u broke into my email.


But it's not low that the pictures exist.


----------



## ReGroup

You got me C-Note... I'm in need of some FIXING!!!

Restraining myself.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> You got me C-Note... I'm in need of some FIXING!!!
> 
> Restraining myself.


Your code - posW owns her own chaos.

(She's not liking that part of this)


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> Your code - posW owns her own chaos.
> 
> (She's not liking that part of this)


Yes. My X admitted she doesn't want to relocate because "you told everybody that I'm a lying cheater". 

Z - Well, you did both.


----------



## HappyKaty

zillard said:


> Yes. My X admitted she doesn't want to relocate because "you told everybody that I'm a lying cheater".
> 
> Z - Well, you did both.


Mr. Katy pulled the same thing, at first.

"I can't go anywhere without being seen, because you told everybody about me."

Katy - "Awwww. Sucks to suck."


----------



## MEM2020

Holy shlt RG! Your Mom needs to log in to TAM and offer classes in how to bltch slap a badly behaved ex wife so hard her head will ring for weeks. 





ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> I feel like I have to do some damage control.
> 
> ReGroup: Why did you go into it with PosW
> 
> Mom: I didn't initiate anything. She came here with the "ReGroup didn't fight for me" song and dance... I couldn't take it. I didn't mention Divorce or your relationship. She just started talking. I said: You have a man. I would have done the same as ReGroup... I dont fight for anyone - you want to be with someone else... fine. Its not his problem anymore.


----------



## HappyKaty

L
Kkufvknkjndg


----------



## HappyKaty

HappyKaty said:


> L
> Kkufvknkjndg


Sorry...the baby wanted to give his two-cents.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> Mr. Katy pulled the same thing, at first.
> 
> "I can't go anywhere without being seen, because you told everybody about me."
> 
> Katy - "Awwww. Sucks to suck."


Yet, we still have those reluctant to expose.


----------



## ReGroup

PosW is a very image consious, "look at me" i'm a near perfect human being type of a person...

She is probably assembling her Validation Team right now.


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> Yet, we still have those reluctant to expose.


Admittedly, I was reluctant when you first told me to do it, but it was, by far, the best thing I could have done. Their relationship was strangled by his fear of being seen with her.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> Admittedly, I was reluctant when you first told me to do it, but it was, by far, the best thing I could have done. Their relationship was strangled by his fear of being seen with her.


Everyone is. It seems the humiliation they feel would be more tolerable if they stay silent.

Unfortunately, it makes them a reluctant co-conspirator.


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> PosW is a very image consious, "look at me" i'm a near perfect human being type of a person...


Aren't they all?

They don't want to be seen as sneaky home-wrecking ****s (excuse me ladies) but they are walking around feeling like they are the bomb cuz they are getting away with everything. "OM wants me, ReGroup wants me, all men want me". Did I tell you that when my wife TT'ed me about the affair, we had sex a few days later and during a particularly hot moment she said "now do you see why other men want me?"


----------



## Conrad

staystrong said:


> Aren't they all?
> 
> They don't want to be seen as sneaky home-wrecking ****s (excuse me ladies) but they are walking around feeling like they are the bomb cuz they are getting away with everything. "OM wants me, ReGroup wants me, all men want me". Did I tell you that when my wife TT'ed me about the affair, we had sex a few days later and during a particularly hot moment she said "now do you see why other men want me?"


Don't you want me ReGroup?

ReGroup?


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
You continue to show restraint. 

And your wife continues to probe for a way to produce an emotional reaction from you. Her three primary avenues are:
- direct attacks: you suk because
- arguing about D4 and/or how you deal with D4
- arguing with your mom




ReGroup said:


> PosW is a very image consious, "look at me" i'm a near perfect human being type of a person...
> 
> She is probably assembling her Validation Team right now.


----------



## staystrong

Conrad said:


> Everyone is. It seems the humiliation they feel would be more tolerable if they stay silent.
> 
> Unfortunately, it makes them a reluctant co-conspirator.


Aye, so true.

Exposure is empowerment.


----------



## ReGroup

MEM... I have to say, my mother is an old school Hispanic woman. She is fair, but once you try to dish BS - its all fair game. 

I wonder when she'll ever make herself accountable for anything.

"People fall for other people, it happens - but OWN THAT SH*T and everything that comes with it"... My mother told her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> "People fall for other people, it happens - but OWN THAT SH*T and everything that comes with it"... My mother told her.


:smthumbup:


----------



## HappyKaty

staystrong said:


> Aye, so true.
> 
> Exposure is empowerment.


And once you start exposing, it's hard to stop. 

I started by telling his parents.

Then...

His family, my family, posOW's family, his co-workers, his friends, the church.

And...

I posted a picture of her and her baby on FB, with the caption "My husband's new girlfriend and her baby".

That one pissed him off bad.


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
Your Mom has class. 


QUOTE=ReGroup;1515553]MEM... I have to say, my mother is an old school Hispanic woman. She is fair, but once you try to dish BS - its all fair game. 

I wonder when she'll ever make herself accountable for anything.

"People fall for other people, it happens - but OWN THAT SH*T and everything that comes with it"... My mother told her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


----------



## zillard

HappyKaty said:


> And once you start exposing, it's hard to stop.


Yep. I started by telling two of my siblings she is close to. Then my parents, who wrote a letter to her. Infuriated her. 

Then her best friend, her coworkers, our friends on FB (many who removed her), her brother, her grandparents, the child psych (when she tried to blame the divorce on many small things), etc.

As soon as I told her coworkers the posOM pulled back and she stopped going to his house. It wasn't secret and fun anymore. 

Two days prior X, posOM and other coworkers were all planning a sit down with me to straighten me out (I was jealous hubby with no cause at that point). After, her favorite coworker was telling her "posOM needs to stay the h3ll out of this!"


----------



## HappyKaty

zillard said:


> Two days prior X, posOM and other coworkers were all planning a sit down with me to straighten me out (I was jealous hubby with no cause at that point). After, her favorite coworker was telling her "posOM needs to stay the h3ll out of this!"


:rofl:

Such dumb asses they are.

PosOW messaged me saying she was going to sue me for slander.

I said (this was before I learned to observe ), "Go for it, b*tch. I'm suing you for alienation of affections, so maybe the hearings will be on the same day. "

Needless to say, I never received a summons.


----------



## ReGroup

Word is spreading like wild fire... I have a neighbor and my cousin (who sat down with us in Feb) texting me about the altercation.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Word is spreading like wild fire... I have a neighbor and my cousin (who sat down with us in Feb) texting me about the altercation.


Pass the popcorn


----------



## ReGroup

This is truly becoming a "All Bets Are Off" situation. 

I wouldn't be surprised by anything now.

PosW could have dropped off D4 and gone to Fantasy Land but she had to open her big mouth. 

She knows .... all the lies she's been telling my mother (like I said... My mother took this woman IN: paid for some of her college, etc...) - that my mother knew the entire time. 

RIP Team Fantasy


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> This is truly becoming a "All Bets Are Off" situation.
> 
> I wouldn't be surprised by anything now.
> 
> PosW could have dropped off D4 and gone to Fantasy Land but she had to open her big mouth.
> 
> She knows .... all the lies she's been telling my mother (like I said... My mother took this woman IN: paid for some of her college, etc...) - that my mother knew the entire time.
> 
> RIP Team Fantasy


She's melting down.

Let her.


----------



## staystrong

Is that Taps playing in the background?


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> MEM... I have to say, my mother is an old school Hispanic woman. She is fair, but once you try to dish BS - its all fair game.
> 
> I wonder when she'll ever make herself accountable for anything.
> 
> "People fall for other people, it happens - but OWN THAT SH*T and everything that comes with it"... My mother told her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dude, you gotta marry someone like your mom next time around.


----------



## staystrong

HappyKaty said:


> And once you start exposing, it's hard to stop.
> 
> I started by telling his parents.
> 
> Then...
> 
> His family, my family, posOW's family, his co-workers, his friends, the church.
> 
> And...
> 
> *I posted a picture of her and her baby on FB, with the caption "My husband's new girlfriend and her baby".*
> 
> That one pissed him off bad.


Or marry someone like HK. She's bad a$$!

Wow. 

I was so weak on exposure. 100% wuss. Didn't understand how it important it was.


----------



## ReGroup

PosW: Yo....keep my name of out of your mouth. Do not be talking sh*t about me or telling people what you think my business is.

PosW: This is the second time today that I hear something that came from your mouth. 

This is just getting bizarre.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG -

Conrad is right. She is in full meltdown. Don't do a goddamned thing. Just stand back and watch it, like a horrible train wreck.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> PosW: Yo....keep my name of out of your mouth. Do not be talking sh*t about me or telling people what you think my business is.
> 
> PosW: This is the second time today that I hear something that came from your mouth.
> 
> This is just getting bizarre.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry you feel that way


----------



## happyman64

And whenever you have a face to face you record the conversation to protect you and your Mom.

Let her go SuperNova all on her own.

5,4,3,2,1. Yes Houston we have ignition!


----------



## HappyKaty

RG, she is EXACTLY where you want her to be. Get a beer and enjoy the fireworks. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I guess this is how affairs end. The pressure cooker.

BWinks, I'm just going to just sit back and watch the show!

I wonder though... When does one in her position say: I put myself in this position.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

I must have missed it but how exactly did you expose her? and to whom?


----------



## ReGroup

keko, I didn't ignite it myself. But amongst neighbors, family and friends - this stuff has been brewing.

She's been shouting in the wind: ReGroup didn't fight for me...

Everyone knows why. She's not liking the responses she is getting back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MEM2020

Regroup,
Buy your mother a voice activated recorder. She can just keep it with her for drop off and pick up. 



QUOTE=ReGroup;1515692]This is truly becoming a "All Bets Are Off" situation. 

I wouldn't be surprised by anything now.

PosW could have dropped off D4 and gone to Fantasy Land but she had to open her big mouth. 

She knows .... all the lies she's been telling my mother (like I said... My mother took this woman IN: paid for some of her college, etc...) - that my mother knew the entire time. 

RIP Team Fantasy[/QUOTE]


----------



## spun

ReGroup said:


> I guess this is how affairs end. The pressure cooker.
> 
> BWinks, I'm just going to just sit back and watch the show!
> 
> I wonder though... When does one in her position say: I put myself in this position.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They don't own it.

They find some other way to convince themselves that even though posOM didn't work out, having the guts to move beyond your marriage was the best thing they ever did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

spun said:


> They don't own it.
> 
> They find some other way to convince themselves that even though posOM didn't work out, having the guts to move beyond your marriage was the best thing they ever did.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Quite often, they don't.

But, some do.

Continuing to enable them ensures they never do.

ReGroup has chosen the other path.

We shall see.


----------



## HappyKaty

spun said:


> They don't own it.
> 
> They find some other way to convince themselves that even though posOM didn't work out, having the guts to move beyond your marriage was the best thing they ever did.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not always, deary.

When they hit rock bottom, and realize there's no one to turn to, they start to own their POS behavior.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## spun

HappyKaty said:


> Not always, deary.
> 
> When they hit rock bottom, and realize there's no one to turn to, they start to own their POS behavior.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Touché, HK.

I was actually thinking of you when I pressd the reply button on that post.

You still were never a wayward, though ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

spun said:


> Touché, HK.
> 
> I was actually thinking of you when I pressd the reply button on that post.
> 
> You still were never a wayward, though ;-)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Holy hell, I was close, honey.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## spun

HappyKaty said:


> Holy hell, I was close, honey.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How are things with you and Mr. HK?

Quite the turnaround on his part.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I am so annoyed. 

I get home and inquire about the nature of the conversation held this morning and it was basically PosW's attempt at more blame shifting. PosW brings up D4 and it transitions into me.

Mom: she discussed the same sh*t she's been complaining about since you guys separated. She went as far back as 2006 talking crap.

It annoys me to all hell. Yes, I wasn't my best.

Why the hell won't she Let It Go!

She's getting what she wanted yet I'm still getting pestered w/ this sh*t!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

spun said:


> How are things with you and Mr. HK?
> 
> Quite the turnaround on his part.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's going.

Last night, I let him read all the messages I had from my EA. It was an emotional night, to say the least. He tried to own my eff up, though. A topic for discussion in this week's MC sesh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## spun

ReGroup said:


> I am so annoyed.
> 
> I get home and inquire about the nature of the conversation held this morning and it was basically PosW's attempt at more blame shifting. PosW brings up D4 and it transitions into me.
> 
> Mom: she discussed the same sh*t she's been complaining about since you guys separated. She went as far back as 2006 talking crap.
> 
> It annoys me to all hell. Yes, I wasn't my best.
> 
> Why the hell won't she Let It Go!
> 
> She's getting what she wanted yet I'm still getting pestered w/ this sh*t!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's not getting what she wants which is to walk away and for you to continue to engage her so that you ending up owning her crap.

Which, by the way, is why she is going back to 2006.

When I was still engaging my stbxw, and she couldn't get me to escalate, she'd go back to stuff that happened in 1997.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

Here on TAM we're all good about repeating, Let Her Go! And, Let it Go!

What throws us all for a loop is when THEY won't let it go.


----------



## Chuck71

She thinks she is proper, pristine and "pi$$ free"

but beings text with "yo" ladylike!

your mom is awesome

reason moms are one of a kind


----------



## ReGroup

Well, it turns out that PosW went "poor me" over to my mother yesterday - my mother arranged for D4 to be looked after today.

Rescued and enabled again! 

I had a talk with Moms and told her that I was not ok with that. Everything concerning D4 goes through me now. 

She wants me out of her life... all of my resources go along with it.

PosW is looking into PHD programs in the fall while working full time. Reality will bite.

Awaiting for my lawyer to respond to the Plaintiff's attorney.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Well, it turns out that PosW went "poor me" over to my mother yesterday - my mother arranged for D4 to be looked after today.
> 
> Rescued and enabled again!
> 
> I had a talk with Moms and told her that I was not ok with that. Everything concerning D4 goes through me now.
> 
> She wants me out of her life... all of my resources go along with it.
> 
> PosW is looking into PHD programs in the fall while working full time. Reality will bite.
> 
> Awaiting for my lawyer to respond to the Plaintiff's attorney.


Absolutely - no enabling.

Notice how quickly she "forgave" your mother.

What a user.


----------



## Chuck71

W and PhD have one thing in common

piled high n deep


----------



## ReGroup

So, my PosW is in the hospital...
She of course, doesn't contact me... but she reaches out to my mother. My mother informs me.

I go into panick mode (Yes, I still care). I call her (straight to voice-mail), text her, call her job and spoke to a co-worker friend of ours (sounding panick)...

The co-worker stated she hadn't seen her all day. 

Stupid games.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I go into panick mode (Yes, I still care). I call her (straight to voice-mail), text her, call her job and spoke to a co-worker friend of ours (sounding panick)...


Yikes RG - re: your panic mode. Nothing you can fix by contacting her work. If she's in the hospital she is in good hands, regardless of the situation. If she can reach out to your mom it must not be too horrendous. 

Hope she's ok though.


----------



## ReGroup

Yeah, I jumped the gun calling her job - I thought they could point me in the right direction.

Dumb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Not dumb. Reactionary. 

Tell your inner critic to be nice and let you learn.


----------



## Chuck71

There is a reason your W called your mom rather than you. She knows the reason...you do too. Breath deep.....count to ten. Whether is was good, bad or a simple wolf call.....you will by all means hear about it.

In case you had not notices, POSOM's stock is dropping. This coincides with certain activities from W. Observe....fly high


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> There is a reason your W called your mom rather than you. She knows the reason...you do too. Breath deep.....count to ten. Whether is was good, bad or a simple wolf call.....you will by all means hear about it.
> 
> In case you had not notices, POSOM's stock is dropping. This coincides with certain activities from W. Observe....fly high


Going dark forces them to live with their decisions.

You mean posOM isn't going to enable me?!!!!!


----------



## ReGroup

If I would have stayed center'd WHERE I BELONG!!!

I would have seen this for what it is.

She sent me a picture of an IV and her arm: I have been here since 730A.

Nice to know.


----------



## Chuck71

ReG-Ex tried that halfway through the 60 day wait........didn't work. She had no one else to call and she called me (you in present case....knowing mom would tell you....a covert reach). How will he react? Will he show concern? My ex even put ER in subject line. Was not what I was looking for. Quickly the "my foot may be amputated" went to "I got bit bad". Really? Reply: Use peroxide....bye


----------



## ReGroup

This is some insidious behavior. 

Just last Saturday she's talking sh*t: Yo... keep my name out your mouth

And why I am surprised?

Funny thing, the little voice was telling me what this was all about.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> She sent me a picture of an IV and her arm: I have been here since 730A.


:lol: Clearly a ploy. Rather than just inform you she reaches around to your mom and sends you a pic of an IV for dramatic effect.


----------



## coachman

Damn you RG... You left her no choice but to get creative. That was the only button left on the soda machine


----------



## ReGroup

Brilliant Coachman!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> This is some insidious behavior.
> 
> Just last Saturday she's talking sh*t: Yo... keep my name out your mouth
> 
> And why I am surprised?
> 
> Funny thing, the little voice was telling me what this was all about.


Learning to be still.

Impossible to like this one enough... simply impossible.


----------



## ReGroup

Don't let her go until I have learned everything... right Chip?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Don't let her go until I have learned everything... right Chip?


You have to be feeling it now, don't you?


----------



## Chuck71

Person A: She sent me a picture of an IV and her arm: I have been here since 730A.

Person B: Just last Saturday she's talking sh*t: Yo... keep my name out your mouth

Person A: Rescue me from my despair baby

Person B: You are not playing MY game so fvck you a$$hole

Meant to be seen: Proper, pristine, polished, potential PhD candidate

What it is: I'm not getting my way, I am not the center of your world. I can not deal with this

Math Lesson: A + B=C C=Blending of A and B, aka Mrs. ReGroup

or D=exit stage left


----------



## ReGroup

Sure am. 

I received the call from moms and my emotions went haywire all over the place... but their was something telling me to relax. 

I didn't listen to it, but I recognized that I was acting all nutty about something that was most likely nothing.

Next time, I'll listen to that voice of reason.

I went off kilter and all it did was have me worried for an hour. Energy wasted.

I don't mind contacting her for health reasons... I don't expect anything out of it: No #3s. 

I think she saw my human side for the first time since January. Lol.

What zillard said smacked me up a little though: Tell your inner critic to be nice and let you learn. 

All restraint involving me and my life is being caused by... Me. Anytime I worry: Me
Anytime I fear something: Me
Anytime etc...: Me


----------



## coachman

RG- "when you get your strength back i hope you can attend a new workshop I'll be putting on"

MrsRG- "Really.. What's the topic?"

RG - "Awareness"

MrsRG - "$&$!?$" (hide the sharp objects)

RG - "you get a discount of course because.. Well.. you do this for a living"


----------



## K.C.

coachman said:


> RG- "when you get your strength back i hope you can attend a new workshop I'll be putting on"
> 
> MrsRG- "Really.. What's the topic?"
> 
> RG - "Awareness"
> 
> MrsRG - "$&$!?$" (hide the sharp objects)
> 
> RG - "you get a discount of course because.. Well.. you do this for a living"


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## Conrad

coachman said:


> RG- "when you get your strength back i hope you can attend a new workshop I'll be putting on"
> 
> MrsRG- "Really.. What's the topic?"
> 
> RG - "Awareness"
> 
> MrsRG - "$&$!?$" (hide the sharp objects)
> 
> RG - "you get a discount of course because.. Well.. you do this for a living"


She's a thespian.


----------



## coachman

Yeah well mines a lesbian... That's kinda the same right??


----------



## Conrad

coachman said:


> Yeah well mines a lesbian... That's kinda the same right??


If you go by their behavior in a committed relationship, they're likely related.


----------



## HappyKaty

coachman said:


> Yeah well mines a lesbian... That's kinda the same right??


Wait...

What?


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> Wait...
> 
> What?


That story was before your journey here began.


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> That story was before your journey here began.


I'm sad I missed it.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> I'm sad I missed it.


If you want to catch up, it's in the archives.

I'm just sad Coach and I didn't mind meld sooner, at least he could have had some fun with it.


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> If you want to catch up, it's in the archives.
> 
> I'm just sad Coach and I didn't mind meld sooner, at least he could have had some fun with it.


His thread is still alive?


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> His thread is still alive?


I searched for it.

Looks like he nuked it.


----------



## happyman64

I'm sure if you PM Coach he will give you a brief synopsis.


----------



## coachman

Sorry HK.. I was on my phone all day today and the battery went out. 

But yeah.. I nuked it a while ago. I won't thread jack RG's thread.

I need to get my own going again though. It's long over due and I need to submit to the truth myself.


----------



## HappyKaty

coachman said:


> Sorry HK.. I was on my phone all day today and the battery went out.
> 
> But yeah.. I nuked it a while ago. I won't thread jack RG's thread.
> 
> I need to get my own going again though. It's long over due and I need to submit to the truth myself.


Make a thread...PLEASE!  

I wanna know your story.

I wanna know Conrad's, too, but he's the man of mystery...apparently.


----------



## ReGroup

It appears that the PosW was hospitalized because of tension and stress. 

Mom-Dukes was forced to pick up D4 from DayCare.

Mom: she's feeling the pressures of this entire mess. 

I'm going to move forward. No hesitation and wavering.

I am just giving her what she "thinks" she wants.

This whole situation was a blessing in disguise. Going through The TAM Carwash has really helped me identify my emotions like I have never thought possible.

Truth be told, if this separation wouldn't have occurred we would have just cannibalized each other. 

I wasn't true to myself. I regressed. How could I be loved? I wasn't a leader. 

All that is changing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Coachman, we need to get your story!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> It appears that the PosW was hospitalized because of tension and stress.
> 
> Mom-Dukes was forced to pick up D4 from DayCare.
> 
> Mom: she's feeling the pressures of this entire mess.
> 
> I'm going to move forward. No hesitation and wavering.
> 
> I am just giving her what she "thinks" she wants.
> 
> This whole situation was a blessing in disguise. Going through The TAM Carwash has really helped me identify my emotions like I have never thought possible.
> 
> Truth be told, if this separation wouldn't have occurred we would have just cannibalized each other.
> 
> I wasn't true to myself. I regressed. How could I be loved? I wasn't a leader.
> 
> All that is changing.


Excellent!


----------



## Conrad

Conrad said:


> She's melting down.
> 
> Let her.


Hang in there ReGroup.

You see how this goes.


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
You are doing great. Next time - simple script:
- one voicemail saying you heard she is sick/hospitalized etc. and you are glad to rework the schedule for d4 until she feels better. 
- one text saying: I just left you a vmail, in case you cant access it i wanted to send you a text, include the same points in the text and add - 'when you can, let us (me, mom, d4) know how you are doing.'



UOTE=ReGroup;1525608]It appears that the PosW was hospitalized because of tension and stress. 

Mom-Dukes was forced to pick up D4 from DayCare.

Mom: she's feeling the pressures of this entire mess. 

I'm going to move forward. No hesitation and wavering.

I am just giving her what she "thinks" she wants.

This whole situation was a blessing in disguise. Going through The TAM Carwash has really helped me identify my emotions like I have never thought possible.

Truth be told, if this separation wouldn't have occurred we would have just cannibalized each other. 

I wasn't true to myself. I regressed. How could I be loved? I wasn't a leader. 

All that is changing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


----------



## staystrong

RG, love your last post mate!!


----------



## staystrong

Conrad said:


> Hang in there ReGroup.
> 
> You see how this goes.


Did you just quote yourself? Yet.. it made sense


----------



## Pbartender

staystrong said:


> Did you just quote yourself? Yet.. it made sense


Sometimes you have to repeat yourself to be heard. 


Pb.


----------



## ReGroup

You have to laugh at this stuff... Seriously:

PosW: Why did you call X at work.

RG: I didn't know the details of your medical emergency.

I assumed you went to work and checked yourself in somewhere afterwards.

So, I called your school to figure what was going on and where you were.

PosW: Why didnt you call X? or your mom who knew everything because I told her what happened?

and if you were so concerned why didnt you leave work early to pick D4 up and see me or come over or even call me or us in the evening?
------------------------------

I'll ignore. I'm glad she's fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Rescue me RG! 

Persecutor didn't work so I'm going to try helpless victim for a bit.


----------



## staystrong

I don't think she's doing that. She's probably confused regarding his level of interest vs his follow through. His calling the school denotes high level of interest but not calling her denotes avoidance. So it's a bit mixed signals in this case if you ask me.


----------



## Conrad

staystrong said:


> I don't think she's doing that. She's probably confused regarding his level of interest vs his follow through. His calling the school denotes high level of interest but not calling her denotes avoidance. So it's a bit mixed signals in this case if you ask me.


He knows he screwed up by calling.


----------



## ReGroup

I shouldn't have called. I set myself up for those responses.

If we were in a non-combatitive state she would have applauded my efforts and left it at that.

Because we are, where we are... she's looking to nit pick... hence: Why didn't you stop by or call.


----------



## Chuck71

Group-Lesson learned. Another arsenal she has used up.

Did you notice the singular tone?

Mrs. ReG's Wishes: Me, me, me, me, me, me, me 

Mrs. ReG's Whipping Post: You, you, you, you, you, you

That would wound you like a bullet three months ago

Now they bounce right off of you.

High 5


----------



## ReGroup

Yup, I learned... 

She's still emailing me why I didn't do this, why I didn't do that... why I didn't go a little further.

I detailed the events, which I shouldn't have... She wanted to know why I called her school.

She pressed for my answers in reference to me not visiting her or calling her and I told her: I'm not ok answering those questions. 

Small step back. Next time, I'll stay centered.


----------



## ReGroup

PosW: Im not ok with your lack of empathy and acknowledgement or fear of just being honest.... and Im not ok for your information.

At least she's not cursing!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yup, I learned...
> 
> She's still emailing me why I didn't do this, why I didn't do that... why I didn't go a little further.
> 
> I detailed the events, which I shouldn't have... She wanted to know why I called her school.
> 
> She pressed for my answers in reference to me not visiting her or calling her and I told her: I'm not ok answering those questions.
> 
> Small step back. Next time, I'll stay centered.


Drama Triangle | Lynne Forrest

Stop explaining.


----------



## ReGroup

Hey Chip,

When you are speaking the truth... straight facts... not an explanation, but key points... does it still fit into the DT?

She asked what led to the phone call to her job. By me, detailing what occured till that point; am I still feeding into the disaster?


----------



## Chuck71

Group......I'm the rather blunt type

Three words would I say in that situation

Go Fvck Yourself (notice singular 8>) )

But that's just me


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Hey Chip,
> 
> When you are speaking the truth... straight facts... not an explanation, but key points... does it still fit into the DT?
> 
> She asked what led to the phone call to her job. By me, detailing what occured till that point; am I still feeding into the disaster?


Look at her reaction... "Well, why didn't.. etc.'

The point is, when you detail anything, she's going to pick it to death.

The best answer when she's ranting..

"You done?"


----------



## Chuck71

Anyone can find fault in anything

ask anyone who defends their dissertation

it is a pure ego move

my ex used to ask me about why i did this or that, 

i took a notion....and "done done it"


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck and Chip, you guys are right.

I wrote with the Drama Triangle in the back of my head... I jotted down my actions that led to the phone call.

But, it still comes off as explaining. Weak move. Ok, on to the next test.


----------



## zillard

"Why didn't you.."

She was fishing for a specific response and blaming at the same time. She likely wanted to hear "well I should have because I love you".

You admitting fault when there really is none, making her feel special again. 

Anything else is unsatisfying and will be turned back around on you.


----------



## MEM2020

Chuck,
Being blunt can be a show of confidence or strength. It can also show a lack of sense. 

In this case your suggestion would show RG as having low standards or poor impulse control. It produces exactly the reaction she wants: visible, out of control anger.

Doing that right after she was hospitalized for stress related issues makes him look like a bad/messed up person. 

It doesn't matter if ALL her symptoms are fabricated, cause you can't prove it if this comes up later in a custody dispute. 



QUOTE=Chuck71;1527741]Group......I'm the rather blunt type

Three words would I say in that situation

Go Fvck Yourself (notice singular 8>) )

But that's just me[/QUOTE]


----------



## Chuck71

MEM-Just way I'm built

Genetics 101

"WHEN I am in my right mind"

tripped a bit through my first D


----------



## BetrayedNoMore

That is why email is best. Straight to the point, done.


----------



## ReGroup

Had another counseling session and it was more of the same - she's basically regurgitating what I am saying to her. I am there giving advice to myself. 

ReGroup: I find myself shifting through moods, rather violently at times. I need to stop fighting against them and just let them past. I get engulfed in them.

IC: Seems like your emotions are altering rapidly. (blank stare) Try to envision happier thoughts. (blank stare)

I am going to email her tomorrow and terminating our sessions effective immediately. 

S*cks! Reading HK's thread I find that I am not alone. Mavash and Z found (or finding) themselves in similar situations.


----------



## HappyKaty

Are you going to search for a different counselor?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Had another counseling session and it was more of the same - she's basically regurgitating what I am saying to her. I am there giving advice to myself.
> 
> ReGroup: I find myself shifting through moods, rather violently at times. I need to stop fighting against them and just let them past. I get engulfed in them.
> 
> IC: Seems like your emotions are altering rapidly. (blank stare) Try to envision happier thoughts. (blank stare)
> 
> I am going to email her tomorrow and terminating our sessions effective immediately.
> 
> S*cks! Reading HK's thread I find that I am not alone. Mavash and Z found (or finding) themselves in similar situations.


Stop seeing this one immediately.

Lots of options in NYC.

Perhaps HappyMan knows a good one. He's in the area.

Another good place to look:

http://www.selfleadership.org/find-an-ifs-therapist.html

Little ReGroup will thank you if you go that route.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG -

I recently fired an IC and it made a huge difference.


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
You need some humor in your life. 

For the occasional hilarious blank stare watch: Nathan for you 
Videos.



QUOTE=ReGroup;1529495]Had another counseling session and it was more of the same - she's basically regurgitating what I am saying to her. I am there giving advice to myself. 

ReGroup: I find myself shifting through moods, rather violently at times. I need to stop fighting against them and just let them past. I get engulfed in them.

IC: Seems like your emotions are altering rapidly. (blank stare) Try to envision happier thoughts. (blank stare)

I am going to email her tomorrow and terminating our sessions effective immediately. 

S*cks! Reading HK's thread I find that I am not alone. Mavash and Z found (or finding) themselves in similar situations.[/QUOTE]


----------



## Mavash.

For the record my therapist is great. I spent years with her and she challenged me the whole time. Problem was I outgrew her in enlightenment. My thinking went higher than hers so we had to part ways. My husband is seeing her now.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> For the record my therapist is great. I spent years with her and she challenged me the whole time. Problem was I outgrew her in enlightenment. My thinking went higher than hers so we had to part ways. My husband is seeing her now.


Just from that snippet of ReGroup's session, he has nothing more to gain from his.

No counselor that's moving things forward would act that way.

She's a copay collector.


----------



## ReGroup

Another brush w/ PosW! 

PosW: What are your plans for D4 this weekend?

ReGroup: I work this Saturday. I'd like to take her to breakfast/brunch on Sunday. But I am pretty much slammed this weekend.

PosW: You should call her today. She's expecting to see you and you need to show more consistency. You cannot pick and choose and give me no notice. Do you see how inconsiderate this is to all parties involved. Can we call you at 530pm after my counseling session? Just to speak to her for 5 minutes?

_I usually have her every weekend... but I can be better at giving her a better heads up._

RG: Ok. 530 is good with me. Going forward I'll call her at 7pm. You can take a look at the Soccer Schedule - I'll take D4 on those weekends.

_8 out of the next 11 weekends_

RG: My lawyer is reviewing the documentation and we'll have a response by next week.

_I let her know this because I told her it would be prepared this week._

PosW: Fill me in why don't you...
You cannot be picking and choosing. If I were you I would ask your wh*re/girlfriend lawyer to put our arrangement for every other weekend because it will be a legal document and i can take you to court for not honoring it. So think wisely because as predicted your charades have been fleeting and expected.

_Their was lag between her messages... I had mentioned that child support and life insurance were the hiccups. The wh*re she is referring to is my friend (playdate) who's a lawyer. In the first draft I will have D4 3 out of 4 weekends_ 

PosW: The life insurance isn't for me you jerk its for D4. What do you mean life insurance and child support. Deadbeat Dad!

_I already have a life insurance set up for D4. We both have one with the same figures. Her lawyer is asking that up it. While she, remains at her figures._

RG: I'm not ok with insults.

PosW: The duration of this whole thing has been so disappointing. You are not the person that I hoped you were.

:scratchhead:

RG: I'm sorry you feel that way.


----------



## ReGroup

I sent a couple of emails to counselors that intrigued me around the city. Hopefully, I'll do a better job a picking one this time.

Starting from scratch will be annoying though.


----------



## Conrad

Is this all text-based?


----------



## ReGroup

Yes sir.


----------



## HappyKaty

You're amazing at this, now, RG.

How does she know about the wh*re/playdate/lawyer?


----------



## BetrayedNoMore

It sounds like your Ex is setting you up to fail in your daughter's mind. Committing you to stuff and reinforcing your failure (unknown to you) to your daughter.


----------



## ReGroup

Too funny HK.

My daughter back in January told PosW that we all went to the movies together (true)... PosW flipped out and started badgering w/ questions - I folded... The Still DoorMat ReGroup.

Plutonic... I am not seeing anyone - PosW has enhanced our relationship in her mind.


----------



## ReGroup

BNM, I am afraid of that. 

No matter what I do... I fall short as a father, husband, whatever...

But, I don't think she's one to speak.

I wish I was making this up. I wanted this being done cordial, but it doesn't seem like it will be. Anytime she's met with some resistance - I am a bully and a monster.


----------



## soca70

ReGroup said:


> PosW: The duration of this whole thing has been so disappointing. You are not the person that I hoped you were.


Somewhere there's a WS script...


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yes sir.


How do you feel about that?

I think she may need to be consigned to email only.


----------



## ReGroup

I think that you're right.

Hit me with a 2x4 or something... but doesn't one just review whats been written throughout a conversation and just say: Damn, maybe I could and will communicate with a little bit more respect.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I think that you're right.
> 
> Hit me with a 2x4 or something... but doesn't one just review whats been written throughout a conversation and just say: Damn, maybe I could and will communicate with a little bit more respect.


She won't if you allow her not to.

Team Fantasy,

I'm no longer ok with texting about important matters.

Tempers run too high and too many hurtful words exchanged.


----------



## ReGroup

I'll send it now. Thanks Chip.


----------



## Chuck71

"PosW: The duration of this whole thing has been so disappointing. You are not the person that I hoped you were".

Of course you are not

you refuse to be a puppet

The D will take a while to play out

but I sense an explosion from her...before March ends


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> "PosW: The duration of this whole thing has been so disappointing. You are not the person that I hoped you were".
> 
> Of course you are not
> 
> you refuse to be a puppet
> 
> The D will take a while to play out
> 
> but I sense an explosion from her...before March ends


Only one?

Not in a million years did she see it going this way.


----------



## Chuck71

LOL I mean one atomic one....

similar to the end of fireworks display on 7/4


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
I cannot emphasize this enough:

If it is enforceable through a divorce/custody agreement you want your lawyer to add reciprocal language that says something like:

If either parent has a "third party" spend more than 10 nights (make it 20 or 30 if you like) while that parent is watching D4, the parent who is doing so will perform a criminal background check on the third party and will share the results with the other parent. The cost of those checks will be split equally. 

------
This is intended to ensure you both make fully informed decisions regarding anyone who is cohabiting a space with your daughter. 

------
As for the life insurance. If either of you dies, they should contribute the same dollar amount to the future support of your daughter. 

The 'costs' either of you will incur if that event happens are the same. Basically this is the 'full custody' scenario. If either dies, the surviving parent has the same cost structure. 

Your wife is going to pretend she doesn't understand this. So the easiest thing to do is just provide the logic in simple declarative English sentences and then if she argues, insist she provide you a written response. 

And she does not get to 'assume' your mother is a perpetual free childcare service. Your mother could get sick, or die etc. The life insurance should be the same, or at worst, the same multiple of your/her incomes. 


QUOTE=ReGroup;1530695]Another brush w/ PosW! 

PosW: What are your plans for D4 this weekend?

ReGroup: I work this Saturday. I'd like to take her to breakfast/brunch on Sunday. But I am pretty much slammed this weekend.

PosW: You should call her today. She's expecting to see you and you need to show more consistency. You cannot pick and choose and give me no notice. Do you see how inconsiderate this is to all parties involved. Can we call you at 530pm after my counseling session? Just to speak to her for 5 minutes?

_I usually have her every weekend... but I can be better at giving her a better heads up._

RG: Ok. 530 is good with me. Going forward I'll call her at 7pm. You can take a look at the Soccer Schedule - I'll take D4 on those weekends.

_8 out of the next 11 weekends_

RG: My lawyer is reviewing the documentation and we'll have a response by next week.

_I let her know this because I told her it would be prepared this week._

PosW: Fill me in why don't you...
You cannot be picking and choosing. If I were you I would ask your wh*re/girlfriend lawyer to put our arrangement for every other weekend because it will be a legal document and i can take you to court for not honoring it. So think wisely because as predicted your charades have been fleeting and expected.

_Their was lag between her messages... I had mentioned that child support and life insurance were the hiccups. The wh*re she is referring to is my friend (playdate) who's a lawyer. In the first draft I will have D4 3 out of 4 weekends_ 

PosW: The life insurance isn't for me you jerk its for D4. What do you mean life insurance and child support. Deadbeat Dad!

_I already have a life insurance set up for D4. We both have one with the same figures. Her lawyer is asking that up it. While she, remains at her figures._

RG: I'm not ok with insults.

PosW: The duration of this whole thing has been so disappointing. You are not the person that I hoped you were.

:scratchhead:

RG: I'm sorry you feel that way.[/QUOTE]


----------



## Conrad

MEM11363 said:


> RG,
> I cannot emphasize this enough:
> 
> If it is enforceable through a divorce/custody agreement you want your lawyer to add reciprocal language that says something like:
> 
> If either parent has a "third party" spend more than 10 nights (make it 20 or 30 if you like) while that parent is watching D4, the parent who is doing so will perform a criminal background check on the third party and will share the results with the other parent. The cost of those checks will be split equally.
> 
> ------
> This is intended to ensure you both make fully informed decisions regarding anyone who is cohabiting a space with your daughter.
> 
> ------
> As for the life insurance. If either of you dies, they should contribute the same dollar amount to the future support of your daughter.
> 
> The 'costs' either of you will incur if that event happens are the same. Basically this is the 'full custody' scenario. If either dies, the surviving parent has the same cost structure.
> 
> Your wife is going to pretend she doesn't understand this. So the easiest thing to do is just provide the logic in simple declarative English sentences and then if she argues, insist she provide you a written response.
> 
> And she does not get to 'assume' your mother is a perpetual free childcare service. Your mother could get sick, or die etc. The life insurance should be the same, or at worst, the same multiple of your/her incomes.


Perfect subject for the first email.

Then we'll see if Chuck is right


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks once again MEM... Solid advice. Will do that.

I just spoke to D4. She brightened up my mood... she offered me a sticker she got from her teacher today and asked if she could give it to me on Friday...

Then I heard it in the back ground... "Papi is not seeing you this weekend"... I tell D4: I'll see you on Sunday for breakfast... then I hear it in the background, "We'll see... Papi says alot of things and doesn't come through"...

This woman has lost her mind.


----------



## MEM2020

Conrad,
We disagree on this point. Her crazy, hostile texts will greatly help him with any custody issues. 

AND she cannot hijack his emotions via text. It is going to be much harder for him - voice to voice.

The fact that she cannot be civil is on her. And he shouldn't reward her crazy aggression by moving to voice where there is no record - or easily reviewed record of her hostility. 

Until she shows respect, she should be held at arms length by way of technology. 

If she attempts to hijack calls to their daughter, he should tell his wife he will be recording all of them on a go forward basis. 

RG,
Your text to her seemed a bit ambiguous. Did you mean 7 PM every night? It wasn't clear. I hope you did mean that. 

I also think you should have a short script you follow on those calls? 

Some good questions for her 
- what was fun today
- what did you learn 
- who did you help today (did you help mom with making your bed... Whatever it is)
- would you like to do X with me this weekend or - are you looking forward to doing x with me this weekend 

Some stuff to tell her:
- teach her one simple thing or fact that is age appropriate and if possible fun (does she know what a Liger is?)
- I thought about you today when I was walking to work and I saw (something she likes - a big red dog, a girl on a trike, ....). Did anything make you think of me today?
- remember to be helpful to your mommy

---------




Conrad said:


> She won't if you allow her not to.
> 
> Team Fantasy,
> 
> I'm no longer ok with texting about important matters.
> 
> Tempers run too high and too many hurtful words exchanged.


----------



## Conrad

MEM,

We're talking Email only.

No voice.

Text - for her - is a violent instrument.

He's doing great tamping it down, but she's unhinged.


----------



## Chuck71

I think once she realizes Group has went email....it will take away what she thinks is her control system. And she can not measure his reactions in an email. This will unleash a chain reaction of emotions....but the curve is....she will let it fester for a short time. Then will force a face to face where she will become unhinged....a lot worse than seen in the past.


----------



## ReGroup

This is what I got...

"You just want to fight me in every way possible. Except for what u should fight for. You are making all of this harder than it needs to be."

I don't even know what's she's talking about. Talking out of her azz. 

Manipulative tactics to make her herself feel more important.

You are free to move on Mrs. ReGroup - no one is chasing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I don't even know what's she's talking about.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Neither does she.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> I think once she realizes Group has went email....it will take away what she thinks is her control system. And she can not measure his reactions in an email. This will unleash a chain reaction of emotions....but the curve is....she will let it fester for a short time. Then will force a face to face where she will become unhinged....a lot worse than seen in the past.


In other words, she won't be able to dump her anger on him whenever it overflows.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> This is what I got...
> 
> "You just want to fight me in every way possible. Except for what u should fight for. You are making all of this harder than it needs to be."


Fight for ME, RG. For MEEEEEEE. 

Show me that I'm worth it! Because I don't think I am.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> This is what I got...
> 
> "You just want to fight me in every way possible. Except for what u should fight for. You are making all of this harder than it needs to be."


This is where I had to say, to Mr. Katy, "I'm not okay fighting for a husband that is fvcking posOW." 

Ps...He replied, "You're a b*tch.", because I was right.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> This is where I had to say, to Mr. Katy, "I'm not okay fighting for a husband that is fvcking posOW."
> 
> Ps...He replied, "You're a b*tch.", because I was right.


Was he right?


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> Was he right?


Am I a b*tch?

When I need to be.

I think you know that.


----------



## Chuck71

"You just want to fight me in every way possible. Except for what u should fight for. You are making all of this harder than it needs to be."


old southern saying "pot calling kettle black"


----------



## Chuck71

Group....It could be worse....if the POSOM is still around.....how much time does he have to spend hearing her "gripe" about you. If he has any brain cells he is thinking "I think I would rather be Group now than me"


----------



## Pbartender

Chuck71 said:


> I think once she realizes Group has went email....it will take away what she thinks is her control system. And she can not measure his reactions in an email. This will unleash a chain reaction of emotions....but the curve is....she will let it fester for a short time. Then will force a face to face where she will become unhinged....a lot worse than seen in the past.


Interesting. Another, but perhaps less likely, option is that she may completely withdraw and shut down, falling _deeper_ into the "fog"... Like my wife did, when I went all email on her.


Pb.


----------



## Mavash.

Pbartender said:


> Interesting. Another, but perhaps less likely, option is that she may completely withdraw and shut down, falling _deeper_ into the "fog"... Like my wife did, when I went all email on her.
> 
> 
> Pb.


If you love someone set them free if they come back they are yours if they don't they never were.


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> If you love someone set them free if they come back they are yours if they don't they never were.


And it's helluva tough to accept, if they don't.


Pb.


----------



## Ceegee

Hey RG, how you holding up? I follow your thread daily and speak up every so often - I get to feel like a viewer of the Truman Show if I don't. I see a lot of similarities between your STBXW and mine. Anger issues, complete lack of respect and delusional paranoia. 

Several months ago, I insisted on communicating via email only. Had to have the mental health professional (MHP) convince her attorney to enforce this with her client. Unfortunately, it didn't work. I have hundreds of emails filed with the MHP for future reference to use later with regard to possession. 

Now, all communication has to go through attorneys. It's a lot more expensive but the peace and quiet are priceless and has helped me to heal.


----------



## Chuck71

Pb any updates from your D travels?


----------



## Mavash.

Pbartender said:


> And it's helluva tough to accept, if they don't.
> 
> 
> Pb.


Better to face the truth no matter how painful than to live a lie for another minute.

The pain will end the lie won't.


----------



## ReGroup

Cg, I'm doing fine. Just reading and taking advice from the TAM heavy hitters.

I just caught up to your thread. I am amazed how similar the stories are on these boards.

Most of us go into panic mode and make the same mistakes over and over again until we can't take it anymore. Its an unforgettable process. We'll continue to make mistakes like the one I made a few days ago, but that's ok as long as we continue to learn and adjust.

I know she once loved me for the person I was, not the person I became. I am ok with that. I'm going to find that person again and enhance him - not for her, but for me.

I can't believe the great Mavash is on the ReGroup thread... Great Day!!!

Chucky, I don't know why anyone would get caught up in the drama of a divorce'ing couple. I'm sure he wouldn't like that she keeps asking for me to fight for her - even though she probably doesn't mean it. But not my problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Chuck71 said:


> Pb any updates from your D travels?


It's like a Texas Polka...


Pb.


----------



## Mavash.

RG I've been a fan of yours for a while now. I follow your story and applaud your successes. I know you are in good hands so I mostly just watch from the sidelines. It's my passion to study human behavior and your story proves yet again that broken people follow the exact same script all the way to the hospital. Yes I laughed out loud when I read that update and wasn't surprised in the least. Lol


----------



## Bullwinkle

Lovin this thread, RG. Keep feeding us the dialogues between you and WS, I'm eating this stuff up.


----------



## Chuck71

Group has shown in "how to" format what to do. He has come a long way. High 5 Group


----------



## Chuck71

Group has shown in "how to" format what to do. He has come a long way. High 5 Group


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks Chucky... You've been with me the entire ride. Couldn't do it w/o you. 

So, screw it... I'm going out for drinks w/ a female tonight. The friend of a friend from a few weeks back. 

We have been texting and talking on a occasion since we met up a few weeks back. My friend told me, "think of it as hitting batting practice; get those feet wet". Why not!

It'll be an interesting night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

And Mrs. ReGroup almost on que:

"And I quote "el tiene una otra, y la otra tiene una hija." She's somebody that ReGroup reconnected with from the past. He moved on fast." 

Translation: He has another and the other one has a daughter.

Lady has got to have better things to do this early in the morning.

Take that BWinks and Queen Frostine!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Chip got Banned? WTF and FML!


----------



## K.C.

Noooo. Anyone know how long?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> Stop seeing this one immediately.
> 
> Lots of options in NYC.
> 
> Perhaps HappyMan knows a good one. He's in the area.
> 
> Another good place to look:
> 
> Find an IFS Therapist
> 
> Little ReGroup will thank you if you go that route.


Sorry. I live in the burbs. Just work in NYC.


But I do have a fair number of friends that are DRs. that proably know some good therapists.

Any specific burrough RG??


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Thanks once again MEM... Solid advice. Will do that.
> 
> I just spoke to D4. She brightened up my mood... she offered me a sticker she got from her teacher today and asked if she could give it to me on Friday...
> 
> Then I heard it in the back ground... "Papi is not seeing you this weekend"... I tell D4: I'll see you on Sunday for breakfast... then I hear it in the background, "We'll see... Papi says alot of things and doesn't come through"...
> 
> This woman has lost her mind.


RG I may be late to this party but your wife has got to stop the Papi this and Papi that comments.......

She is just setting you and your D up for failure in the future.

For an educated woman she is just acting real stupid right now.


----------



## happyman64

K.C. said:


> Noooo. Anyone know how long?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. I tried going back through his last threads last night and cannot see anything glaring for getting banned.

No clue!


----------



## K.C.

The big C will be back Monday.

That gives us Sunday as a lumber free day!


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

I do like Mrs ReGroup's muttered comments in the background while you're talking to D on the phone. I called my D last night and while I was trying to talk to her, I could hear WS across the room muttering, "what an azz hole" and a few minutes later, "he never keeps his promises...."

I mean, after a while, you just have to laugh.


----------



## GutPunch

K.C. said:


> The big C will be back Monday.
> 
> That gives us Sunday as a lumber free day!


Geez! That's like Pepto Bismol to me.

Oh! What a relief.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

K.C. said:


> The big C will be back Monday.
> 
> That gives us Sunday as a lumber free day!


Should we throw a lumber party?


Pb.


----------



## ReGroup

Hopefully, no one has relapsed since Chip's Banning. Chip, I hope all is well.

Date Night last night - it went really well. Went to a restaurant/bar and we were there from 830-330am! 

I was just me. Lady is incredibly smart, witty and funny. I don't feel an attraction to her but I enjoyed her company immensely. We both had a great time.

She knows and understands my situation. We didn't delve into the details - I wasn't ok with that. Focusing on the now.

I didn't feel a spec of guilt. We both laughed throughout the night. She threw herself at me at one point... But I am not feeling her that way. I'll be sure to make it clear to her that I am not ready for anything serious.

I never responded to PosW's email. She's quoting that someone told her I am seeing someone that has a child and that I have moved on quick... No way anyone told her that because its not true. She's making stuff up. Its a shame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

POSW make up stuff? You coulda knocked me down with a feather....

Glad you got out and had some laughs.


----------



## K.C.

Sound like a great night. Need to get me one of them. If it came with a lady throwing herself at me so much the better. I think it's cool you can handle that with finesse. I would probably fold and go for it or scare em away permanently with the no thanks lol.

Conrad says it was the geek thread but he doesn't think anything was deleted. I always appreciated the lumber myself but maybe not every one does.

As to relapses; I am spinning on the roundabout so damn fast I probably wouldn't notice if I did! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Mrs. Group makes the rules up as she goes...and still screws it up. Avoid her like the clap. Glad you had a great time on your date. How's it feel to be back in the game?


----------



## ReGroup

Feels great Chucky. 

I have gotten a little boost in the confidence department. Went out yesterday again and struck conversations with a few females - I even hooked up a buddy of mine. Great Times. 

Mrs. ReGroup is still at it. Trying to seize some type of control when given the chance. 

Yesterday she interrupted my phone conversation with D4 to ask me where I was - hearing a kid in the background (my girlfriend's kid in her head)... I simply asked her to put D4 back on the phone and to put me off speaker.

She emailed me today and asked what my plans were with D4 this coming weekend; called me a bully for the way I told her to put D4 back on the phone.

Added:

"This weekend was not discussed because you were super rude to me on the phone...you bullied me again"

"I truly wish that you didn't feel the need to be such a jerk to me....the way I feel about you has completely disintegrated as a result...you get more bees with honey than vinegar..."

Told her I am not ok with insults.

She responded with: perfect example.

She's lost her mind.

The comfy Victim Chair will not be supplied by me any longer. Find someone else to torture.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

> you get more bees with honey than vinegar.


You shoulda just responded "Dear STBX Mrs. ReGroup, with you gone I have all the honey I need. And I only had to get rid of only one bee!"


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> "This weekend was not discussed because you were super rude to me on the phone...you bullied me again"
> 
> "I truly wish that you didn't feel the need to be such a jerk to me....the way I feel about you has completely disintegrated as a result...you get more bees with honey than vinegar..."
> 
> Told her I am not ok with insults.
> 
> She responded with: perfect example.


Making honey is the bee's job. The gunk she's barfing up is definitely not sweet. 

As RG's skin gets thicker the stinger has less effect.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Damn, RG! You're making this look TOO easy, like shooting fish in a Harrell, or stomping on baby chicks. 

I will adopt your line as my new mantra - Go find somebody else to torture.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Making honey is the bee's job. The gunk she's barfing up is definitely not sweet.
> 
> As RG's skin gets thicker the stinger has less effect.


Looks like the email thing is working.

Group - much less stressful without a fusillade of accusatory texts, no?


----------



## Chuck71

Notice the less interaction you and her have

the more she accuses

the victim chair floated away

she is being held accountable

and that scares her to death


----------



## ReGroup

I was always upfront with her in regards to poor behavior... but would ALWAYS fold in the end. Little did I know I was just harming myself and the relationship.

Now... she will be held accountable for anything I am not ok with - short and to the point.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I was always upfront with her in regards to poor behavior... but would ALWAYS fold in the end. Little did I know I was just harming myself and the relationship.
> 
> Now... she will be held accountable for anything I am not ok with - short and to the point.


A huge part of the niceguy pleaser syndrome is the "smooth life" fallacy.

The internal covert contract:

"If I cave here, she'll be happy and we'll have peace"

Bullshix

The worst move you can make.

Completely giving (in) with expectations


----------



## ReGroup

Alright don't laugh...

This woman would hold grudges like no other. I mean, not talk to me for days while living together...

In turn, when she did something wrong - I would tell myself... I'm going to show this woman how its done... I'd sit her down calmly, talk to her, and forgive her - as quick as possible to show her...

I'm sure you know how that worked out. Not a damn thing changed.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Alright don't laugh...
> 
> This woman would hold grudges like no other. I mean, not talk to me for days while living together...
> 
> In turn, when she did something wrong - I would tell myself... I'm going to show this woman how its done... I'd sit her down calmly, talk to her, and forgive her - as quick as possible to show her...
> 
> I'm sure you know how that worked out. Not a damn thing changed.


Why would it?

The relationship was working fine for her.

There were no consequences for giving you crap.

IN FACT, you likely tried to initiate sex (to reassure yourself)

You may as well have said, THANKS Mrs. ReGroup - could you behave a little worse next time to test if I can take it?


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Alright don't laugh...
> 
> This woman would hold grudges like no other. I mean, not talk to me for days while living together...
> 
> In turn, when she did something wrong - I would tell myself... I'm going to show this woman how its done... I'd sit her down calmly, talk to her, and forgive her - as quick as possible to show her...
> 
> I'm sure you know how that worked out. Not a damn thing changed.


Ahaah. Sorry - had to laugh. I did the same thing. Look where it got us. 

But now we see and are able to chuckle at it.


----------



## Pbartender

zillard said:


> Ahaah. Sorry - had to laugh. I did the same thing. Look where it got us.
> 
> But now we see and are able to chuckle at it.


Oh, yeah... Me too.

We should start a club!

Oh... Wait. Right.


Pb.


----------



## MEM2020

RG, 
I want you to ask your lawyer if there is anything you can put in the agreement to address her steady stream of insults, untrue statements (false claims you were bullying her) accusations and so forth. 

Even something along the lines of: 
RG will be tape recording all calls between the parties including those to his D4 as his wife has frequently used those calls to insult him - in the background.


----------



## ReGroup

MEM, I will certainly tell my lawyer that. She confuses holding my ground and being firm with her for bullying. All the while she's doing all the insulting etc... 

Its starting to piss me off to no end.

I woke up angry this morning. Its been a long time since I woke up with this type of rage. Not at my current situation, but all of the hypocrisy involved in this matter.

I want to write and send a scathing email blasting this woman for all of her bs. Wake her the f up (I know she won't). Tell her off to leave me alone.

Calling the imaginary gf she made up a *****? Calling me a deadbeat dad, all while complaining a few weeks back that D4 and I were doing too many fun activities together? Calling me a bully? Calling me a coward because I wouldn't discuss my relationship status. Calling me a liar, when it turns out her entire life is a lie at this moment. Complaining that I didn't visit her when she was hospitalized. B*tching that I don't provide emotional support. Telling me, "keep her name out of my mouth" and a week later she's having conversations with people that "I moved on quick"... Demands that I tell her where I am. Bashes me in front of D4 and then retracts the statement and words it like she said it in another way. 

I want to let loose. I have avoided this woman for about a month. Haven't seen her. She comes late to pick up D4, I bounce.

I won't send anything, but its kind of unfair that I can't tell this person off. Tell her what I and a few other people feel about her.

She's seeing someone and then asks me if I want her to move on? What kind of deranged person is this? 

I want to tell her off. Cool, dispassionate, and firm only pisses her off some more.

Feels like I have taken a step back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burned. Buddha.

The other quote is anger is like drinking poison hoping to make someone else sick.

Took me a long time to get this concept but once I did it was life changing.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: you are the one who gets burned. Buddha.
> 
> Took me a long time to get this concept but once I did it was life changing.


ReGroup,

Much better to laugh at her.

It really is funny.

But, you have to be centered to see it.


----------



## Mavash.

What helps me the most when dealing with anger is to look in the mirror. OWN my part in it. I married him, I let him treat me that way, I ALLOWED it to happen, I said yes when I meant no, etc. I believe sometimes anger = powerlessness and if I take ownership then I take back my power then my rage diminishes. I focus on controlling what I can (me) and not on what I can't (other people).

And yes humor helps too. Watching others lose their cool while you keep yours is extremely funny. And the irony is the more calm you are the more angry others will seem. It's almost like they go into a panic because you refuse to feel their emotions for them. You change the dynamic by forcing them to own their chaos while you sit in peace.

It's a beautiful thing.


----------



## Chuck71

Group...... a-n-g-e-r add a "d" before it

cool down, refocus

your reaction is EXACTLY what she is wanting

you are above this.....all about observing @ 50k


----------



## Pbartender

_"If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected."_ *- Sun Tzu*

Guess what she's doing.


Pb.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Group -

I really understand the anger. it does seem so often that we are in essence swallow our anger over and over.

But Chuck is right, there is NOTHING that she would like better than to get a rise out of you. Trust me, I'm the king of this scenario.


----------



## Conrad

Bullwinkle said:


> Group -
> 
> I really understand the anger. it does seem so often that we are in essence swallow our anger over and over.
> 
> But Chuck is right, there is NOTHING that she would like better than to get a rise out of you. Trust me, I'm the king of this scenario.


We need to return to the soda machine analogy.

Whether it be Frostine, Mrs. ReGroup, or Script's wife, they are accustomed to pushing the button on the soda machine (you) and getting their favorite flavor.

For, you see, your emotional overreaction PROVIDES the distraction necessary to blame the chaos in their head on you.

Deny that favorite flavor.

Cool, firm, dispassionate.

Think of what a foolish angry witch Frostine revealed herself as by letting that phone lay on the bathroom floor when her little girl wanted to talk to Daddy.

ReGroup a bully?

Sure he is. He only sucked down the shix sandwiches for YEARS before standing up for himself. Pure projection.

You get the idea.

When you are emotionally broken, anger is your DEFAULT emotion. Your subconscious SEARCHES for a place to dump your anger. There is an emotional need actually MET when you can get your partner riled up.

Then, she gets to play the cool dispassionate observer of her crazy husband.

Yes, there is a sociopathic element to it.

Deny it.


----------



## ReGroup

Thank you, all of you.

This is exactly what she is craving for; I'm sure she'll state otherwise. 

Fear and unresolved anger are 2 items that I am trying to address as we speak. I have accepted the situation for what it is - but issues linger at times. I'd love to be emotionally centered - day in and day out - how does someone reach that inner peace you all speak of. Must take lots of work.

I know that I'll be more than fine in the long run; its just the journey getting there that can be difficult. 

She just reached out to me in regards to Team ReGroup's end of things on the divorce. 

Easier using written communication... C.F.D. I really want to get this done and end this chapter in my life. 

For our daughter's sake I wish we both could have had an "aha" together, but it seems that will not be happening anytime soon - if ever.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Thank you, all of you.
> 
> This is exactly what she is craving for; I'm sure she'll state otherwise.
> 
> Fear and unresolved anger are 2 items that I am trying to address as we speak. I have accepted the situation for what it is - but issues linger at times. I'd love to be emotionally centered - day in and day out - how does someone reach that inner peace you all speak of. Must take lots of work.
> 
> I know that I'll be more than fine in the long run; its just the journey getting there that can be difficult.
> 
> She just reached out to me in regards to Team ReGroup's end of things on the divorce.
> 
> Easier using written communication... C.F.D. I really want to get this done and end this chapter in my life.
> 
> For our daughter's sake I wish we both could have had an "aha" together, but it seems that will not be happening anytime soon - if ever.


Keep in mind, the better you get at this, the more likely that moment occurs.

The meltdown happens when she has no choice but to own it.


----------



## Mavash.

Inner peace requires dedication, persistence, desire, practice and training. I'm good at this and yet even I get off track occasionally. The goal is to learn how to course correct. Recognize negative feelings early on before they become unmanageable. Turn everything off until you feel centered again. Our world is so crazy that just day to day life can cause stress. Therefore when you are in the midst of a real crisis it's even more important than ever to take supreme care of yourself.

Learn to be still in the midst of drama. Trust me it can be done.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> Recognize negative feelings early on before they become unmanageable. Turn everything off until you feel centered again.


And if necessary remove yourself from the situation in order to do so.

RG - if you remember from Saturday



> Z - I'm leaving before this escalates.
> 
> X - This won't escalate. I'm too depressed to escalate.


I was not worried about *her* escalating. I removed myself because I noticed where *I *was headed.


----------



## Chuck71

Group....keep interaction to emails only

It gnaws at my ex, imagine what Mrs. Re thinks of it

By turning up the stove, her attention seeking is fruitless

I still hold true to my prediction....

as long as emails only are enforced


----------



## ReGroup

So, we did a few email exchanges in regards to certain items that we disagree with. She wants to negotiage out of court. She feels that she's giving me a fair deal and isn't out to "get" me. 

I was straight to the point, while she retorted. Nothing major.

Then she gets a little smart allec'y

ReGroup: How is this helpful? It’s ok if we disagree.

Mrs: Im sorry you feel that way....
you rarely want to talk with me and often talk past me with your therapy cliches...you have set the precedent for a lot of unhealthy and disconnected as well as frustrating ways to communicate. you have COMPLETELY immature in talking with me about many things, including my feelings or things that I believe are important. 

ReGroup: I’m not ok with your assessment of blame.

I hope she figures out for the sake of herself and our daughter. I'm not the one talk either


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> So, we did a few email exchanges in regards to certain items that we disagree with. She wants to negotiage out of court. She feels that she's giving me a fair deal and isn't out to "get" me.
> 
> I was straight to the point, while she retorted. Nothing major.
> 
> Then she gets a little smart allec'y
> 
> ReGroup: How is this helpful? It’s ok if we disagree.
> 
> Mrs: Im sorry you feel that way....
> you rarely want to talk with me and often talk past me with your therapy cliches...you have set the precedent for a lot of unhealthy and disconnected as well as frustrating ways to communicate. you have COMPLETELY immature in talking with me about many things, including my feelings or things that I believe are important.
> 
> ReGroup: I’m not ok with your assessment of blame.
> 
> I hope she figures out for the sake of herself and our daughter. I'm not the one talk either


Another line that's really helpful in the face of this is, "I see things differently"


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Another line that's really helpful in the face of this is, "I see things differently"


Chip, where's the bag... I want them all!


----------



## zillard

Blame, insults and name calling have no place in healthy communication. 

I'm sure it IS very frustrating when the good little fixer stops fixing. It must suck to lose that pedestal.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Chip, where's the bag... I want them all!


I use "I understand that... Is that correct/accurate?" 

Active listening. Take what they just said and paraphrase. Then follow with "but I'm not ok with..." or "I would prefer...."


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> Blame, insults and name calling have no place in healthy communication.
> 
> I'm sure it IS very frustrating when the good little fixer stops fixing. It must suck to lose that pedestal.


They'll just get on another pedestal and then another and then another... It's why I want reach that zen like place where Mavash and Chip currently reside - I don't want to be in another unhealthy relationship ever again.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> They'll just get on another pedestal and then another and then another... It's why I want reach that zen like place where Mavash and Chip currently reside - I don't want to be in another unhealthy relationship ever again.


I'm being serious now.

Have you ever really watched the _*Empire Strikes Back*_?


----------



## ReGroup

Absolutely.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Absolutely.


Go back and listen - really listen - to what Yoda tells him.

Watch Luke's reactions.

You'll start laughing.

The truth is everywhere - you just have to plug in.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> They'll just get on another pedestal and then another and then another... It's why I want reach that zen like place where Mavash and Chip currently reside - I don't want to be in another unhealthy relationship ever again.


I've read your stuff and trust me you're on the path. I've been where you are and one day this will just "click" and like Conrad said you'll see truth everywhere.

Whatever you do just keep seeking and keep talking to safe people until you get it.


----------



## Chuck71

Mav is spot on. Going through this is worse than death. Death means there is an end. When you go through it, you see no end. I detested my senior English teacher but, would I wish this upon him? No.

Keep focused on priorities

1-D4

2-Group

3-The rest

ps-star wars is a fav of mine....as is 60's star trek....glenn n george had a lot of current themes in those....and the mistakes of the past.

Can I recommend V for Vendetta


----------



## ReGroup

Guys, I think I am making progress... Some masculine mettle?

Mrs.: And ReGroup, how does that help? That comment does nothing but try to shut me up...you dont even address my words.

ReGroup: You are more than welcomed to express at your discretion. Lines of communications are open. I am all ears and/or eyes. 

Mrs.: But you are not ReGroup...you are not at all...how many times have I written to you or text you and you have simply responded...Im sorry you feel that way or Im not ok with &$*#%&$#*....cmon...this is not true...you have continuously shut me down...you are not all ears or eyes at all.

ReGroup: If a conversation is constructive I will gladly participate in it. If a conversation includes yelling, insulting, profanity, CAPS, blaming, exclamation points, etc… I will not participate in them.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Guys, I think I am making progress... Some masculine mettle?
> 
> Mrs.: And ReGroup, how does that help? That comment does nothing but try to shut me up...you dont even address my words.
> 
> ReGroup: You are more than welcomed to express at your discretion. Lines of communications are open. I am all ears and/or eyes.
> 
> Mrs.: But you are not ReGroup...you are not at all...how many times have I written to you or text you and you have simply responded...Im sorry you feel that way or Im not ok with &$*#%&$#*....cmon...this is not true...you have continuously shut me down...you are not all ears or eyes at all.
> 
> ReGroup: If a conversation is constructive I will gladly participate in it. If a conversation includes yelling, insulting, profanity, CAPS, blaming, exclamation points, etc… I will not participate in them.


YES!


----------



## Chuck71

God help her on her dissertation LOL


----------



## Mavash.

Awesome!!!!


----------



## Conrad

Group,

At some point, she's going to take this seriously.

Then we'll see if Chuck is right.


----------



## Pbartender

Chuck71 said:


> God help her on her dissertation LOL


:rofl:


Pb.


----------



## Mavash.

Chuck71 said:


> Mav is spot on. Going through this is worse than death. Death means there is an end. When you go through it, you see no end.


Sadly this is true. Pain is the gate that leads to the promise land.

Problem is most people turn back instead of walking through it.

Our society does everything in its power to avoid feeling pain clueless to how awesome their life would be if they didn't numb it 24/7. Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Sadly this is true. Pain is the gate that leads to the promise land.
> 
> Problem is most people turn back instead of walking through it.
> 
> Our society does everything in its power to avoid feeling pain clueless to how awesome their life would be if they didn't numb it 24/7. Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel.


Some of us are even willing to check ourselves into the hospital and take pictures of an IV in our arm - all to look for the elusive button on that cosmic soda machine.

ReGroup!

ReGroup!

Where are you old reliable ReGroup?

Pay no attention to posOM in the other room, I need you to "fight for me!"

ReGroup?

REGROUP!!!!

Who is this person that's inhabited ReGroup's body?


----------



## Chuck71

Places change in machine

Diet Coke? None

Diet Pepsi? None

Grrr Diet Dr. Pepper? None

GDit Coke? None

OMG Pepsi? None

Holy fvcking sh!t Dr. Pepper? None

? Gooberville, GA Reality Cola? Thank you!!


----------



## Chuck71

LOL If it makes you feel better ...remember

"you are the biggest d*ck I have ever seen"

Really.....well thank you!!!!!!!!! 8>)


----------



## Conrad

The richest irony in this slugfest is Mrs. ReGroup's recognition of healthy language coming from her former doormat.

She's actually pointing it out and dissing it - in a final (futile) attempt to get cute little fixing codependent ReGroup back.

In other words, she's mocking the tools of her own trade.

Truly funny.

And, that is why - in the end - you have to laugh.


----------



## Mavash.

And this is what it looks like when you stop being codependent. 

They don't take too kindly to you pulling the plug on enabling.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Some of us are even willing to check ourselves into the hospital and take pictures of an IV in our arm - all to look for the elusive button on that cosmic soda machine.
> 
> ReGroup!
> 
> ReGroup!
> 
> Where are you old reliable ReGroup?
> 
> Pay no attention to posOM in the other room, I need you to "fight for me!"
> 
> ReGroup?
> 
> REGROUP!!!!
> 
> Who is this person that's inhabited ReGroup's body?


----------



## Lifescript

I swear. It's like they are all clones of each other. They follow the same script. They want to communicate. Not really. All they want is for you to open the gate so they can storm right in spitting all that venom.

Good job Regroup.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


>


Has a familiar feel to it, eh Script?


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Has a familiar feel to it, eh Script?


Look at what I just posted. LOL. Clones!


----------



## Chuck71

None of us are paid for advice

well I wonder about Conrad LOL

we have all been through this

we wished you were not here

but since you are, here is some advice

in person you are not with us

but at Thanksgiving, we secretly ask

pass the potatoes please


----------



## ReGroup

Small Victory Guys... I feel like We All won on this board today!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Small Victory Guys... I feel like We All won on this board today!


You really turned it around from this AM.

Great job.


----------



## ReGroup

PosW: Excuse me....do you think that you have been respectful to me? Do you think that you have helped create a forum of respect by throwing back these cliches??? You have been incredibly disrespectful so much so that it has changed my entire outlook and feelings about you. You think because you may have been more diplomatic and not cursed,not used caps or exclamation points that you have been a respectful and open party??? No you have not. You have been talking crap about me and telling friends and family things about me and my business. You have been incredibly disrespectful to me.
----------------------------
A reasonable person would say, ok let's keep those things out of our conversations - but she doesn't see the point.

Fact: She tried to convince my mother that I was seeing someone in January.
Fact: She tried to convince another family member that I was seeing someone.
Fact: She told her family I was seeing someone.
Fact: She emailed me last Saturday quoting someone that I was seeing someone.

Amazing. Play with fire and you will get burned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> PosW: Excuse me....do you think that you have been respectful to me? Do you think that you have helped create a forum of respect by throwing back these cliches??? You have been incredibly disrespectful so much so that it has changed my entire outlook and feelings about you. You think because you may have been more diplomatic and not cursed,not used caps or exclamation points that you have been a respectful and open party??? No you have not. You have been talking crap about me and telling friends and family things about me and my business. You have been incredibly disrespectful to me.





ReGroup said:


> ReGroup: If a conversation is constructive I will gladly participate in it. If a conversation includes yelling, insulting, profanity, CAPS, blaming, exclamation points, etc… I will not participate in them.


No yelling
No profanity
No caps
No exclamation points (she's using multiple question marks instead now) :rofl:

Still some insults and plenty of blame though.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... It is funny. We'll get her there. I'll put her on Time Out for the blaming.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> PosW: Excuse me....do you think that you have been respectful to me? Do you think that you have helped create a forum of respect by throwing back these cliches??? You have been incredibly disrespectful so much so that it has changed my entire outlook and feelings about you. You think because you may have been more diplomatic and not cursed,not used caps or exclamation points that you have been a respectful and open party??? No you have not. You have been talking crap about me and telling friends and family things about me and my business. You have been incredibly disrespectful to me.
> ----------------------------
> A reasonable person would say, ok let's keep those things out of our conversations - but she doesn't see the point.
> 
> Fact: She tried to convince my mother that I was seeing someone in January.
> Fact: She tried to convince another family member that I was seeing someone.
> Fact: She told her family I was seeing someone.
> Fact: She emailed me last Saturday quoting someone that I was seeing someone.
> 
> Amazing. Play with fire and you will get burned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


AND... if you would have brought up even one of those things, the fires of hell would have rained on your head.

Restraint = Strength

Great job today - truly.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks Chip, ReGroup and The TAM Army came through today.

Called D4 tonight and what will you have it - it went unanswered (Hey BullWinkle and Frostine!)... Mrs. ReGroup spent energy on that response for nothing. 

Meeting with Team ReGroup tomorrow, let's see what comes out of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Thanks Chip, ReGroup and The TAM Army came through today.
> 
> Called D4 tonight and what will you have it - it went unanswered (Hey BullWinkle and Frostine!)... Mrs. ReGroup spent energy on that response for nothing.
> 
> Meeting with Team ReGroup tomorrow, let's see what comes out of it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, she couldn't let you have a successful phone call after being trounced in that fashion.

I mean, a girl needs her dignity.


----------



## ReGroup

Just came back from Team ReGroup Headquarters. 

I presented my lawyer with the divorce settlement and he giggled. He mocked the lack of substance and the request that the other side is making. 

He pointed out: She works for the school system right? Look at this here (pointing at the settlement)... They want you to pay for day care in the Summer - while she's at the beach I suppose? Not happening. She can pay for it herself or be a mother during the Summer.

I laughed because she's going to say: I need my break!

Everything is going to be fair or nothing at all.

It never turns out how they had imagined it would.

Day 2 of unanswered phone calls: 
BullWinkle, you are up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

You are nothing like the man who first logged on here under your moniker. Congratulations.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> You are nothing like the man who first logged on here under your moniker. Congratulations.


:iagree:


----------



## Chuck71

I feel a vibration in the ground.....hmmm


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG -

Whenever I read your descriptions of your interactions with WS, I have to blink and remind myself that you wrote the post, not me. Almost verbatim. Though mine will go days without any communication whatsoever, which is equally frustrating, when it's an issue involving D. 

Unresolved issues of anger. So hard to deal with.


----------



## Chuck71

BW-Going NC with you is understandable. But the welfare of child? I need to read your post....she sounds more absorbed than a diaper for King Kong. Completely distorted priorities.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Most frustrating thing ever in my life. Almost total NC.


----------



## ReGroup

Chucky,

You need to get caught up on the BullWinkle Thread! It's early favorite for Thread of The Year.


----------



## Chuck71

Group-The requesting you pay for daycare in the summer and her working in the school system is a perfect example of her (and her imbecile lawyer) reaching for the stars. She is a framework of 'you can do anything.' Correction 'you can try to do anything'. Fantasy / reality.

The POSOM is a security blanket. If she was 'in luv' what's the deal with IV bag pic sent to you? Want to see a meltdown the scale of Three Mile Island? Let POSOM grow some nads and walk away. You deflect her hurried attempt to pull you in. Just a thought........on to BW's thread


----------



## ReGroup

Ok... I sent Mrs. ReGroup the following: 

Good Morning, 

After reviewing the first proposal, this is our counter offer…
xxx will be paid weekly or based on my bi-weekly pay schedule: xxx per pay period. All medical expenses will be shared; receipts for each transaction should be provided. The Educational expenses request should be modified as only After Care meets the criteria for additional (educational) expense. After Care will be provided at the pro-rated rate as it is needed because of your work schedule. 

We each have life insurance for D4. If your attorney wants a xxx life insurance – we both can provide that by increasing our policies to achieve that mark. My policy is xxx, so I will take out additional coverage to make up the difference… for example.

If we can’t come to an agreement on the above mentioned offer, my attorney can begin negotiations with your counselor beginning next Friday.

My representative says it’s going to take 6 months after a settlement is reached to become divorced officially.

Separate from the settlement, I’d like to start developing a constructive parenting plan – one that we can both agree to. We can map out ahead of time which weekends I’ll have her and she’ll have you. We can come up with a specific hour for pick up and drop off… We can negotiate weekends if something comes up etc… Maybe develop an online calendar. 

I have a few sites we can both review and share ideas.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Its going to be drastically less than what her counselor told her it was going to be... but its what is "fair" in NYC.


----------



## zillard

Eagerly awaiting her response...


----------



## GutPunch

Me too...


----------



## K.C.

Is it worth grabbing popcorn while I have a chance? How well do you see her taking it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

It was sent an hour ago... Lol. 

Maybe she's at a meeting?


----------



## Bullwinkle

I'm here, too, RG, waiting with baited breath for Mrs. ReGroup's response. Course her response might be a firebomb through your window. Ain't love grand?


----------



## Conrad

K.C. said:


> Is it worth grabbing popcorn while I have a chance? How well do you see her taking it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I see her taking it like a flying goose takes buckshot.

Lots of honking and thrashing around.


----------



## HappyKaty

I cannot wait for her response!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

She responds!!! And does so respectfully! 

Mrs. ReGroup: I just wanted to let you know that D4 has been really awesome and has not had ANY accidents at all even in the night. I have been giving her one*tootsie*roll a day after school if she comes home with no accident or wet underwear and it has worked amazingly! Also in the evening, I put her to bed by 730 and I wake her up at 10pm to use the bathroom and she has been able to go the whole night and have no accidents. I am hoping that you can continue to do this type of behavior with her so that she can continue the good work that she has been doing. I know that she is going to go to bed later than 730 but maybe you can try*something*similar so it*doesn't*throw her off of her*consistency*that she has been having. She has been doing so well!! 

ReGroup: I'll maintain a similar approach. I'm glad she's doing well.

Their is hope for a normal co parenting plan after all!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

The sky is the limit....

Mrs. ReGroup responding respectfully... Frostine using the word "sorry"....

Damn....


----------



## zillard

the mobile. as the center piece moves, the other pieces respond accordingly.


----------



## ReGroup

She didn't address the settlement offer - I guess I'll just sit back and observe her next move.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG, call me cynical but if she's as much like Queen Frostine as I rthink she is, there is no real heart from whch any real good will emanates.

They are like the black widow spider, luring you into her warm nest, only eat to kill and then devour you.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm going to try and be still - let the chips fall into place. 

I made my move, she can make hers. I am ready.

I feel we can build a little momentum off of this. 

As far as her being a black widow spider... I'm prepared.

I'm sure she still hates my guys; but thats ok.


----------



## Chuck71

Group.....if she wrote that...I can guard Kobe Bryant

I seriously sense a trap

but you did a marvelous job!

Friday night is still young

I can smell her anger way down in TN


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Group.....if she wrote that...I can guard Kobe Bryant
> 
> I seriously sense a trap
> 
> but you did a marvelous job!
> 
> Friday night is still young
> 
> I can smell her anger way down in TN


Chuck,

Once you crack the code, it's amazing how things fall into place.


----------



## ReGroup

You guys have me laughing here.

Did I miss something?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Ok, you guys think she's secretly seething?!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Ok, you guys think she's secretly seething?!


No, she's starting to learn how to trust you.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, can you elaborate?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, can you elaborate?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Subconsciously, it's dawning on her that you are immoveable.

The soda machine is no longer working. What she's encountering is a new ReGroup who won't be pushed around.

This is enormously attractive AND it offers her stability.

Now that you've been getting a good 50,000 foot look at what's inside her head, can you imagine how comforting (not to mention sexy) a man is that won't emotionally go off the deep end? A man that she can count on to stand rock-ribbed against whatever the world throws at him - unflappable.

THIS is a man she can trust. This is a man that makes her feel safe. This is a man that offers true protection for her and her offspring.

Let's see where this goes.


----------



## ReGroup

Weekend was awesome. Took D4 to a kids birthday party - we enjoyed ourselves immensely. 

Lots of pretty moms! One in particular, was engaging me in the eye game. She looked amazing. I then noticed the ring and immediately stopped. Damn it. 

Mrs. ReGroup asked yesterday if I had filed my taxes. 2 months ago I stated she could file her taxes separately. She agreed. Odd timing to ask me that. 

Today, she reaches out... Politely in a way, but a little passive aggressive:

Mrs: Good morning. Will you be taking D4 to friend's house today? Also how was D4 sleeping when she was at the bday party last night?

- Mrs. ReGroup called around 930 and D4 was in bed.

RG: Friend's parent cancelled. She was in bed when you called. Is 4 a good time for pick up?

Mrs: Friend's dad cancelled? How is that possible? And why? Friend's mother and I set this up weeks in advance as well as just a few days ago. D4 is going to be devastated. 

- I explained to D4 that the meeting was cancelled on Friday. She's not devastated.

Mrs.: I txt Mother's friend earlier to let me know if everything was still happening because she is very consistent with what she says??

RG: You can ask them.

Mrs: Is D4 up? Can I talk to her? Did she have any accidents? 

- 8am

RG: She's sleeping. She had an accident on Friday at school.

Mrs: She's still sleeping?? And was in bed by 9?? That's unlike her....

RG: Call at 10.

(An hour later)

Mrs: Mother's friend said the plans are still on so can you please bring D4 to see friend. You promised the both of us that you would.

(10 minutes later)

Mrs.: Forget it. 

Its past 10am and she hasn't called to talk to D4.

I'm working on my consistency and holding myself accountable on all matters. In the past I would describe myself as flaky. 

I reached out to D4's parents this past week and they could no longer participate in today's activities. Mrs. probably ran a check up to see if their was consistency in what I was saying and it held true.

My pick up time question wasn't answered. I'll see where this go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Quite the suspicious mind. Struggling for control of all situations.


----------



## ReGroup

Friday's counter offer hasn't been acknowledged. Which is odd. I have been getting free consultation via EAP. I haven't "officially" retained my rep, I was hoping I could do so by now... But no response yet from Team Fantasy. Let's see how it goes this week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Friday's counter offer hasn't been acknowledged. Which is odd. I have been getting free consultation via EAP. I haven't "officially" retained my rep, I was hoping I could do so by now... But no response yet from Team Fantasy. Let's see how it goes this week.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In your heart you know she doesn't really want divorce at all.

So, she stalls.

If you experience further delays, got get Pbar's letter and modify it to your own situation.

When she yells Uncle, you'll have a decision to make.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, I'll give Team Fantasy a couple of weeks to respond to our counter and then I'll send the letter. Sounds fair right?

Mrs. ReGroup never responded to the time for pick up.

I'm going to text her at 4 and tell her she can do the exchange with my mother. I have plans. F' it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

You have to love life...

ReGroup: I presume 4ish will be difficult to make. Arrange pick up plans with moms.

Mrs.: I text you that I'll be there at 5:30.

- Bullsh&t! I didn't receive anything... even if it lagged... I haven't received it yet! She knows it, I know it.

- My moms was at her at her moms place with D4. So, she wasn't home.

Mrs.: Is your mom home. (5:42)

Mrs.: Thanks for letting me know where I could pick up D4 up. You're going to have to bring her to my place. I'm leaving home. (5:48)

An hour later I called my mother - Mrs. ReGroup and D4 left around 6:30. No issues according to moms. (BS Threats)

I of course I won't answer to her text.... it falls under the Blame Rule.

4 weeks without seeing each other. Kids party coming up next weekend that we're both invited to. I'm going to BullWinkle it up.


----------



## Conrad

Are these text conversations?


----------



## ReGroup

Yes sir.... quick conversations have been regulated to text.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yes sir.... quick conversations have been regulated to text.


She looks like she's trying to expand them.

Don't go for it.


----------



## ReGroup

Last night was pretty interesting. 

One of my neighbors (great friend of mine) calls me to go downstairs to her apartment. She was with a friend who is in the midst of a custody battle with her children's father. She wanted us to swap stories. 

So, I go downstairs and meet this woman. First thought: wow, this woman is attractive... lets see where this goes.

She talks about her 2 children and the father - 17 years older than she is. Apparently, he lost his job 3 years ago and they broke up a year ago. He is now living in a homeless shelter trying to find employment. The children are blaming mom and they want to live with dad in the homeless shelter... 

Thanks to the information I have gathered from you all... I observed and ask questions like: Did you lose attraction for him when he lost his job? What kind of relationship did you have with your father? Why do the children want to live with the father? If he abused you physically, is this something you grew up as a child and it felt normal...

She was growing a little uncomfortable so I eased up a bit. Occasionally, she would try to play the victim and I'd laugh to myself. 

Point is, it's insane how much we are learning about people and relationships. It'll never be the same. 

So the woman leaves and my friend says, "wow, that was insane... before you arrived she was a tad depressed and wallowing in her story... when you arrived she perked up and attentively engaged in conversation... what was that all about?".

So my friend emails me today: Hey ReGroup, what's up with you and my friends. She called me last night and wanted to know your story. She wants you to call her.

Ha Ha Ha

Call to D4 went unanswered... Game on. Mrs. ReGroup grasping for any bit of control she can. It is getting amusing.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Last night was pretty interesting.
> 
> One of my neighbors (great friend of mine) calls me to go downstairs to her apartment. She was with a friend who is in the midst of a custody battle with her children's father. She wanted us to swap stories.
> 
> So, I go downstairs and meet this woman. First thought: wow, this woman is attractive... lets see where this goes.
> 
> She talks about her 2 children and the father - 17 years older than she is. Apparently, he lost his job 3 years ago and they broke up a year ago. He is now living in a homeless shelter trying to find employment. The children are blaming mom and they want to live with dad in the homeless shelter...
> 
> Thanks to the information I have gathered from you all... I observed and ask questions like: Did you lose attraction for him when he lost his job? What kind of relationship did you have with your father? Why do the children want to live with the father? If he abused you physically, is this something you grew up with a child and it felt normal...
> 
> She was growing a little uncomfortable so I eased up a bit. Occasionally, she would try to play the victim and I'd laugh to myself.
> 
> Point is, it's insane how much we are learning about people and relationships. It'll never be the same.
> 
> So the woman leaves and my friend says, "wow, that was insane... before you arrived she was a tad depressed and wallowing in her story... when you arrived she perked up and attentively engaged in conversation... what was that all about?".
> 
> So my friend emails me today: Hey ReGroup, what's up with you and my friends. She called me last night and wanted to know your story. She wants you to call her.
> 
> Ha Ha Ha
> 
> Call to D4 went unanswered... Game on. Mrs. ReGroup grasping for any bit of control she can. It is getting amusing.


No way to like this post enough.

Congrats brother.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Last night was pretty interesting.
> 
> One of my neighbors (great friend of mine) calls me to go downstairs to her apartment. She was with a friend who is in the midst of a custody battle with her children's father. She wanted us to swap stories.
> 
> So, I go downstairs and meet this woman. First thought: wow, this woman is attractive... lets see where this goes.
> 
> She talks about her 2 children and the father - 17 years older than she is. Apparently, he lost his job 3 years ago and they broke up a year ago. He is now living in a homeless shelter trying to find employment. The children are blaming mom and they want to live with dad in the homeless shelter...
> 
> Thanks to the information I have gathered from you all... I observed and ask questions like: Did you lose attraction for him when he lost his job? What kind of relationship did you have with your father? Why do the children want to live with the father? If he abused you physically, is this something you grew up as a child and it felt normal...
> 
> She was growing a little uncomfortable so I eased up a bit. Occasionally, she would try to play the victim and I'd laugh to myself.
> 
> Point is, it's insane how much we are learning about people and relationships. It'll never be the same.
> 
> So the woman leaves and my friend says, "wow, that was insane... before you arrived she was a tad depressed and wallowing in her story... when you arrived she perked up and attentively engaged in conversation... what was that all about?".
> 
> So my friend emails me today: Hey ReGroup, what's up with you and my friends. She called me last night and wanted to know your story. She wants you to call her.
> 
> Ha Ha Ha
> 
> Call to D4 went unanswered... Game on. Mrs. ReGroup grasping for any bit of control she can. It is getting amusing.


It sounds like Dr. RegRoup is in the house!!!!


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Last night was pretty interesting.
> 
> One of my neighbors (great friend of mine) calls me to go downstairs to her apartment. She was with a friend who is in the midst of a custody battle with her children's father. She wanted us to swap stories.
> 
> So, I go downstairs and meet this woman. First thought: wow, this woman is attractive... lets see where this goes.
> 
> She talks about her 2 children and the father - 17 years older than she is. Apparently, he lost his job 3 years ago and they broke up a year ago. He is now living in a homeless shelter trying to find employment. The children are blaming mom and they want to live with dad in the homeless shelter...
> 
> Thanks to the information I have gathered from you all... I observed and ask questions like: Did you lose attraction for him when he lost his job? What kind of relationship did you have with your father? Why do the children want to live with the father? If he abused you physically, is this something you grew up as a child and it felt normal...
> 
> She was growing a little uncomfortable so I eased up a bit. Occasionally, she would try to play the victim and I'd laugh to myself.
> 
> Point is, it's insane how much we are learning about people and relationships. It'll never be the same.
> 
> So the woman leaves and my friend says, "wow, that was insane... before you arrived she was a tad depressed and wallowing in her story... when you arrived she perked up and attentively engaged in conversation... what was that all about?".
> 
> So my friend emails me today: Hey ReGroup, what's up with you and my friends. She called me last night and wanted to know your story. She wants you to call her.
> 
> Ha Ha Ha
> 
> Call to D4 went unanswered... Game on. Mrs. ReGroup grasping for any bit of control she can. It is getting amusing.



aND THE PENDULUM DECIDES TO STAY OVER ON rEGROUPS SIDE


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG -

Maybe there really ARE some happy endings amongst these threads.


----------



## ReGroup

Good Friend of mine: From Mrs. ReGroup....pls read below and advise on how I should respond. Is it ok for me to tell her that I don't appreciate her insuinating that you and I were an item or that I was pimping you out over the summer. i.e. 7/4, around our bday celebration at the MC how she told you she was just waiting for you and I to realize we were in love or meant to be or whatever it was she said.

Mrs. ReGroup: Despite whatever has happened with ReGroup and I, I hope that we can both be mature enough to maintain an individual relationship outside of him. I am guilty of not making myself available but that's my own battle that I am trying to deal with. You know me by now well enough to know that I withdraw when I am down and out. It's actually something I picked up in being in my relationship and I can acknowledge that it's not beneficial to maintaining relationships with friends. I am trying to come back up for air and I hope you can recognize that as opposed to taking anything personally. I hope you will take this for what it is and nothing more. You have always been a good friend to me and are amazing to D4. I hope that we can have something of our own irregardless of ReGroup. There should be no animosity towards me because of him. Whatever happened is within him and I. You want to be mad at me for not being a good friend and being MIA, ill take that and own and hope to work past that. I hope you can understand my feelings. 

I advised my friend: The truth will set you free!

Good Friend: Just checking!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Get the popcorn ready?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Good Friend of mine: From Mrs. ReGroup....pls read below and advise on how I should respond. Is it ok for me to tell her that I don't appreciate her insuinating that you and I were an item or that I was pimping you out over the summer. i.e. 7/4, around our bday celebration at the MC how she told you she was just waiting for you and I to realize we were in love or meant to be or whatever it was she said.
> 
> Mrs. ReGroup: Despite whatever has happened with ReGroup and I, I hope that we can both be mature enough to maintain an individual relationship outside of him. I am guilty of not making myself available but that's my own battle that I am trying to deal with. You know me by now well enough to know that I withdraw when I am down and out. It's actually something I picked up in being in my relationship and I can acknowledge that it's not beneficial to maintaining relationships with friends. I am trying to come back up for air and I hope you can recognize that as opposed to taking anything personally. I hope you will take this for what it is and nothing more. You have always been a good friend to me and are amazing to D4. I hope that we can have something of our own irregardless of ReGroup. There should be no animosity towards me because of him. Whatever happened is within him and I. You want to be mad at me for not being a good friend and being MIA, ill take that and own and hope to work past that. I hope you can understand my feelings.
> 
> I advised my friend: The truth will set you free!
> 
> Good Friend: Just checking!
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> Get the popcorn ready?


Is your good friend asking for a response?


----------



## ReGroup

She's working on a response... as we speak. She's going to run it by me before she sends it.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She's working on a response... as we speak. She's going to run it by me before she sends it.


It's between them, right?

I mean, Mrs. RG is all over the place.

Where the F IS that Victim Chair? Dammit!


----------



## zillard

Wow. She's grasping. Everything is slipping through her fingers.


----------



## ReGroup

Unsent response by good friend:

She said to me: i really dont know what to say or how to word it...the below sounds weak

Good Friend to Mrs. ReGroup: At one point throughout this past year I agreed completely with you and tried to reach out and maintain a friendship with you outside of ReGroup. And yes, you did withdraw from everyone, but I understood your stance (to a certain point) b/c everyone deals with break ups/hardships differently. What made me realize that you had no interest whatsoever in maintaining a friendship or anything of the sort, was the insinuation that ReGroup and I are in item or will be soon. Then I hear that apparently I was pimping ReGroup out to friends/family. So not only do I want ReGroup to myself, but I also want him for my friends. I was told several examples/comments you had made, but will give you only two that stood out the most.

Ex. #1--During the summer-July 4th to be exact- you accuse ReGroup of having a girl and that girl being my cousin! Which yes, we did hang out on 7/4, and yes, my cousin was there….along with her husband. When I heard you actually said and thought that, I couldn’t believe how little you thought of our friendship for you believe I would introduce ReGroup to anyone when you guys were freshly separated.

Ex#2--Two days after my and ReGroup’s birthday fiasco, you and I are texting (and then spoke on the phone) where I over and over told you how much he misses you and loves you and how this break up had really affected him; we then also spoke about our friendship and how much fun we had at the Birthday Site and how you even wanted us to have another celebration to make up for that disastrous night—and a day after that, I find out that in your marriage counseling session you are telling ReGroup that you are just waiting for him and I to realize that we are in love with each other and will eventually get together. Apparently, this becomes your mantra for a few months—which is mindboggling to me as throughout your entire relationship with ReGroup you’ve assured me time after time that you know ReGroup and I are family and nothing more.
------------------------------------------------------------

She knows I post here and she wants me to run it by you guys... ok?


----------



## Mavash.

Okay right off its too wordy. 

I'm on my iPad or I'd edit it for you.

Deleted my other response btw.

Your posted too fast but I did say stay out of it because its like the drama triangle.

Conrad could edit it because he's not on your triangle.


----------



## Conrad

I'm on it.

Give me a few minutes.


----------



## Conrad

I kept my mind open about the breakup but was hurt when allegations were made about me wanting ReGroup for myself and/or pimping him out. I'm not ok with that kind of talk.

This includes allegations about my married cousin.

It also includes telling Group that he and I will eventually be together.

I do not know the purpose behind this behavior, but it stunned and angered me.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks Chip.

I'm sure Mrs. ReGroup knows I'm catching wind of this exchange.

Which begs me to question - what is this women's end game.

Friend: She's just like she describes her father - a con artist and a liar!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Thanks Chip.
> 
> I'm sure Mrs. ReGroup knows I'm catching wind of this exchange.
> 
> Which begs me to question - what is this women's end game.
> 
> Friend: She's just like she describes her father - a con artist and a liar!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Group,

We marry our parents. As a niceguy pleaser, YOU were a con artist and a liar.

Your wife's end game right now (such as it is) is to FIND the Victim Chair somewhere.

You won't give it to her, so she's reaching out.

This response will make her continue to own her chaos.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Thanks Chip.
> 
> I'm sure Mrs. ReGroup knows I'm catching wind of this exchange.
> 
> Which begs me to question - what is this women's end game.
> 
> Friend: She's just like she describes her father - a con artist and a liar!


My thoughts:

See is pulling back and 'regrouping'. Trying to gather reinforcements. Reach out in order to hold onto any pieces of her old life that she can.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG, speaking from experience, this is also when she's most dangerous, like a cornered rat. Keeping checking your six.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> My thoughts:
> 
> See is pulling back and 'regrouping'. Trying to gather reinforcements. Reach out in order to hold onto any pieces of her old life that she can.


She is recognizing her current course leads to collapse.

It's unsustainable.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup

Group

Dr. Group

how can you afford all these graduation gowns?


----------



## ReGroup

Email was sent... I think I heard a bomb set off in the Bronx.

I'm going to ...sit back and observe. 

Chip, you have a point... I am a recovering phony. Phony to myself and everyones - god it blows realizing that!

BW, the rat will strike back... but doesn't have much to fight back with at this point. 

Chucky, predicted a melt down? It might be coming soon.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Email was sent... I think I heard a bomb set off in the Bronx.
> 
> I'm going to ...sit back and observe.
> 
> Chip, you have a point... I am a recovering phony. Phony to myself and everyones - god it blows realizing that!
> 
> BW, the rat will strike back... but doesn't have much to fight back with at this point.
> 
> Chucky, predicted a melt down? It might be coming soon.


She's not ready to hear your apology yet.

But, keep it in mind as you peruse Zillard's latest venture.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. ReGroup: You f*cking piece of sh*t. You better keep my mind name out of your god damn mouth. Talking sh*t about me and making sh*t up!!! I'm telling you right now, if you want to have any f*cking cordialness with me at all you better f*cking amend sh*t. (Our friend) is not talking to me because of all the sh*t you have told her. Own up to your sh*t and stop trying to get people to hate me because you didn't have the ability to keep me doesn't mean you need to poisong me against your family and friends.
You f*cking as*hole. How dare you!!!!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup: You f*cking piece of sh*t. You better keep my mind name out of your god damn mouth. Talking sh*t about me and making sh*t up!!! I'm telling you right now, if you want to have any f*cking cordialness with me at all you better f*cking amend sh*t. (Our friend) is not talking to me because of all the sh*t you have told her. Own up to your sh*t and stop trying to get people to hate me because you didn't have the ability to keep me doesn't mean you need to poisong me against your family and friends.
> You f*cking as*hole. How dare you!!!!


Was this via text?

A simple, "I'm not ok with profanity" will suffice.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> As a niceguy pleaser, YOU were a con artist and a liar.


This.


----------



## ReGroup

Via email... I was just told to suck something... and how she wishes she never gave me the time of day...
That my friends won't talk to her, so on and so on, etc...

I crave to fix!


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I crave to fix!


There is only one thing you should be fixing right now. I think you know what that is.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Via email... I was just told to suck something...


...an egg?



zillard said:


> There is only one thing you should be fixing right now. I think you know what that is.


Lunch. It's time to fix lunch.


Pb.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup: You f*cking piece of sh*t. You better keep my mind name out of your god damn mouth. Talking sh*t about me and making sh*t up!!! I'm telling you right now, if you want to have any f*cking cordialness with me at all you better f*cking amend sh*t. (Our friend) is not talking to me because of all the sh*t you have told her. Own up to your sh*t and stop trying to get people to hate me because you didn't have the ability to keep me doesn't mean you need to poisong me against your family and friends.
> You f*cking as*hole. How dare you!!!!


This brings back memories. Oh, how they hate to have the spotlight on their 'nonexistent' flaws. I got a very similar email when I created a residence, for Mr. Katy, in Cheaterville.


----------



## zillard

HappyKaty said:


> I got a very similar email when I created a residence, for Mr. Katy, in Cheaterville.


I did too - when I put posOM on CV.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. ReGroup to Friend:

Friend, except for Other Friend, amongst the friends most everybody has stopped talking to me. I kept saying to myself that I can't believe that people cannot separate me from him and at least see us as individuals but then u met with Other Friend a few weeks ago and she started telling me a few things that ReGroup had told His Friend about me that were not even true! I was in shock. Then His Mother told me some things that should have been kept between ReGroup and I respectfully and started realizing that I am dealing with a scorned man. He can't even accept the downfalls of us but instead is seemingly talking sh*t about me because its easier to poison me and make me the bad guy instead of suffer and mourn over us and our demise. I am so angry right now that I am shaking!!! I don't want to talk shot about him and will take the higher road but I am asking that you please consider what I am saying or at least give me the chance to figure this out. Your friendship does mean that much to me. On New Years I saw you as cold but just looked past it. I feel like I am living this bizarre reality at this moment because ReGroup has explicitly told me that has been going through this process with maturity and even verbalized to me" Me, I'm not taking **** about you. If anyone says anything to me I am staying quiet. I have nothing bad to say about you". These are his words!! I will challenge anything that he has said to you in front of him. I have absolutely nothing to hide or be ashamed of. If you don't want to pursue anything more with me I hope you reconsider and have a friendship with me that has nothing to do w ReGroup. Please....this man has a problem with lying.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup to Friend:
> 
> Friend, except for Other Friend, amongst the friends most everybody has stopped talking to me. I kept saying to myself that I can't believe that people cannot separate me from him and at least see us as individuals but then u met with Other Friend a few weeks ago and she started telling me a few things that ReGroup had told His Friend about me that were not even true! I was in shock. Then His Mother told me some things that should have been kept between ReGroup and I respectfully and started realizing that I am dealing with a scorned man. He can't even accept the downfalls of us but instead is seemingly talking sh*t about me because its easier to poison me and make me the bad guy instead of suffer and mourn over us and our demise. I am so angry right now that I am shaking!!! I don't want to talk shot about him and will take the higher road but I am asking that you please consider what I am saying or at least give me the chance to figure this out. Your friendship does mean that much to me. On New Years I saw you as cold but just looked past it. I feel like I am living this bizarre reality at this moment because ReGroup has explicitly told me that has been going through this process with maturity and even verbalized to me" Me, I'm not taking **** about you. If anyone says anything to me I am staying quiet. I have nothing bad to say about you". These are his words!! I will challenge anything that he has said to you in front of him. I have absolutely nothing to hide or be ashamed of. If you don't want to pursue anything more with me I hope you reconsider and have a friendship with me that has nothing to do w ReGroup. Please....this man has a problem with lying.


She's cracking up - again.

Can "friend" even follow this?

Other than it "all being your fault"?


----------



## ReGroup

My friend is laughing all of this stuff off. 

She knows that she put herself in this position... She is very aware of the problems that I brought to the relationship and now she finds it humorous that Mrs. ReGroup is mirroring those same traits only ENHANCED. She's amazed she doesn't see it.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I have absolutely nothing to hide or be ashamed of.


Is this ever true?


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Is this ever true?


To say it is to reveal yourself.


----------



## ReGroup

So everything is being thrown out as of Saturday... all of my belongings that remained over there.

So much for NOT esculating things.


----------



## Mavash.

Gotta love those adult tantrums. Lol


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> So everything is being thrown out as of Saturday... all of my belongings that remained over there.
> 
> So much for NOT esculating things.


Chuck is looking like a prophet.

STAY THE COURSE

Did you ever read my fitness test thread?


----------



## ReGroup

Yes sir... I commented about it a few pages ago. It was awesome - it's in my Top 5 of things I've gotten out of this... 

I don't know how this fits in The Fitness Test though.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yes sir... I commented about it a few pages ago. It was awesome - it's in my Top 5 of things I've gotten out of this...
> 
> I don't know how this fits in The Fitness Test though.


If you don't blow your stack over this?

Just stay cool, firm, and dispassionate?

"I'm not ok with having my belongings thrown into the street on a whim"

And, then DO NOT take the bait when she implodes?


----------



## Conrad

And, you really think she's going to do that?

Too much work on her part.

How much that comes out of her mouth does she actually mean?


----------



## GutPunch

When you don't react, she is gonna pop a vessel.


----------



## ReGroup

I don't have much stuff over there anymore... nothing that is important - I just said: You may throw them out.

I don't see how you guys see anything good out of this. Not that it matters. 

She continues to email my friend... my friend told her to stop it - she won't continue w/ the he/she said stuff.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I don't see how you guys see anything good out of this. Not that it matters.


What do you mean?


----------



## Chuck71

I hope I'm wrong....I swear I do

but you are in driver's seat

you now have the gift

and ya know what?

she already knows it. "Understanding" and "accepting"


----------



## ReGroup

That it's still part of The Fitness Test... 

In my eyes, she's under the impression that I am running around spreading gossip about her... that I am lying to everyone within ear shot - which I am not. I'm confiding in a few people - key people. 

So, she sees me as this scorn'd lunatic that is demeaning her name. Which isn't true...

I just don't see how I am being Fitness Tested.


----------



## Chuck71

Recall Grich who stole Christmas?

Heart grew three sizes?

Right now, grow your balls three sizes

You are closer to the Tao than you realize

Fingers crossed.....


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> That it's still part of The Fitness Test...
> 
> In my eyes, she's under the impression that I am running around spreading gossip about her... that I am lying to everyone within ear shot - which I am not. I'm confiding in a few people - key people.
> 
> So, she sees me as this scorn'd lunatic that is demeaning her name. Which isn't true...
> 
> I just don't see how I am being Fitness Tested.


Yeah, that sounds more like justification, than fitness testing. My wife's been doing the same sort of thing the last couple of months. Using lies to paint me as some sort of monster to her friends... It gives her a "reason" for all the crap she's been pulling, and let's her feel good about it.

She needs to demonize you in order to feel okay about the choices she's made and the actions she's taking.


Pb.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> That it's still part of The Fitness Test...
> 
> In my eyes, she's under the impression that I am running around spreading gossip about her... that I am lying to everyone within ear shot - which I am not. I'm confiding in a few people - key people.
> 
> So, she sees me as this scorn'd lunatic that is demeaning her name. Which isn't true...
> 
> I just don't see how I am being Fitness Tested.


Because she thinks she's going to get you to crack with her crazy-making blameshifting behavior.

Is she?

That's what ALL of this is about.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup - Listen to her actions, not her words. 

How many times has she said she is completely done with you? That you've proven to her who you are and she wants no part you?

Then why is still engaging so much? Why is she telling you she's going to throw stuff out instead of just throwing stuff out? 

Because she is still attached. She's testing you, fishing for a negative response to make detaching easier. Because it is not easier when you show your strength, which she is drawn to. 

Otherwise she'd be acting much differently. (you know, like the way she acted when you weren't passing the fitness tests).


----------



## Chuck71

Had she been through with you, she would be IDGAF


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Otherwise she'd be acting much differently. (you know, like the way she acted when you weren't passing the fitness tests).


Like banging posOM without a second thought about you - because you were a doormat.

Now ALL she can think about is you.

Believe me, posOM sees it too.


----------



## ReGroup

ReGroup has turned into that annoying itch that she can't reach?! You guys are great!


----------



## GutPunch

Huge fitness test.

Do not react. Please do not react.

You are starting to win in the 4th quarter. 

Lead the team Regroup to victory.


----------



## Chuck71

you can't be replaced

he knows it, she knows it, you knew it

clarification is beautiful


----------



## ReGroup

I won't react or attempt to fix. I'll continue observing all the whackiness from a far.

I called my daughter at the agreed time and again... It went unanswered. Back to back days - Mrs. ReGroup might be stewing. I won't say anything... Keep my restraint. 

Counter for her proposal wasn't mentioned in the emails that she unleashed. Odd.

Staying The Course!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## K.C.

So does Mrs Regroup have a clear lead in the crazy stakes right now? She seems rather set on claiming that prize for herself.


----------



## Conrad

K.C. said:


> So does Mrs Regroup have a clear lead in the crazy stakes right now? She seems rather set on claiming that prize for herself.


She has overtaken Frostine.


----------



## ReGroup

She called my mother I just hear... Telling her that I have been spreading gossip about her to everyone.

Mother: I don't know anything.

I feel like I am high school.

This is going to get ugly... She's going to strike. I just need to be prepared for the onslaught.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

Prepare to do nothing.

Make some popcorn and watch the show. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

LOL what next.....tell your mom she felt violated

at all the naughty sexual positions during M


----------



## Bullwinkle

ReGroup, yes, stay the course. You've got her on the ropes!


----------



## Conrad

Bullwinkle said:


> ReGroup, yes, stay the course. You've got her on the ropes!


If she pulls out the lamb shanks, remember what happened to Brother Bullwinkle


----------



## K.C.

Conrad said:


> If she pulls out the lamb shanks, remember what happened to Brother Bullwinkle


Omnomnom.

Is this where she either offers R or completely and utterly loses it?

RG, stay strong, weather the storm. Its like you have already regrouped and held the line in face of her attacks.

Seem to me you are in control now. How does it feel?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Group....hold the fort no matter 

Petra - I Am On The Rock *original video music* beyond belief 1990 - YouTube


----------



## happyman64

Regroup

Buy her a cheap mirror and leave it outside her door..

With a note:

Please look in this mirror. The person looking back at you has all the answers to your problems. 

Listen to her. She is telling you the truth.

Do not sign the note.

One of the hardest things to do in any relationship is to recognize our faults, own up to them and then take the necessary steps to fix them.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. ReGroup: Since you have made your counter, have your attorney prepare the uncontested package and we'll incorporate the stipulation.

ReGroup: I'm not ok with that.

Games, games and more games.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Why not? Everything is going to be on your terms...

RG: It is on the burden of The Plaintiff to draw up the papers...
If I am ok with whats written up - I'll sign.

Mrs. RG: The papers have already been drawn up. 

RG: Send me an amended version and I'll review it - if its to my satisfaction... Then it will be signed and notarized.

Mrs. RG: When can you put some money into the account for these fees?

RG: I'm not ok paying for your lawyer's fees.

Mrs. RG: It's not lawyers fees. It's filing fees and we agreed that we both were spilling the costs for this process. 

RG: Have your lawyer draw up the document and we will go from there.

Mrs. RG: It's already drawn up ReGroup. Your stipulations are being amended. Everything is done.

RG: Then send it for review. (an hour ago)...
---------------------------------------------------------------
I can't make sense of what she is saying... is it done or not done? 

Maybe someone can help me with: have your attorney prepare the uncontested package and we'll incorporate the stipulation.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Why not? Everything is going to be on your terms...
> 
> RG: It is on the burden of The Plaintiff to draw up the papers...
> If I am ok with whats written up - I'll sign.
> 
> Mrs. RG: The papers have already been drawn up.
> 
> RG: Send me an amended version and I'll review it - if its to my satisfaction... Then it will be signed and notarized.
> 
> Mrs. RG: When can you put some money into the account for these fees?
> 
> RG: I'm not ok paying for your lawyer's fees.
> 
> Mrs. RG: It's not lawyers fees. It's filing fees and we agreed that we both were spilling the costs for this process.
> 
> RG: Have your lawyer draw up the document and we will go from there.
> 
> Mrs. RG: It's already drawn up ReGroup. Your stipulations are being amended. Everything is done.
> 
> RG: Then send it for review. (an hour ago)...
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> I can't make sense of what she is saying... is it done or not done?
> 
> Maybe someone can help me with: have your attorney prepare the uncontested package and we'll incorporate the stipulation.


She's trying to find some way to get you to pay.

Leave it right where it is.


----------



## ReGroup

5 hours have passed and no amended paper work. All talk I guess.

Chip you are right... A ploy to have me pay for her legal fees. (Evil) 

I'm going to leave it where it is... sit back and relax. 

No Profanity! My CDF yesterday demonstrated that she won't get a rise out of me. 

This morning I sensed a calm... but a calm before the storm type of feeling. Storm might have gone in the other direction.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> 5 hours have passed and no amended paper work. All talk I guess.
> 
> Chip you are right... A ploy to have me pay for her legal fees. (Evil)
> 
> I'm going to leave it where it is... sit back and relax.
> 
> No Profanity! My CDF yesterday demonstrated that she won't get a rise out of me.
> 
> This morning I sensed a calm... but a calm before the storm type of feeling. Storm might have gone in the other direction.


She's got to dump it somewhere.

I kind of feel sorry for posOM


----------



## K.C.

Really? I'd say it is karma kicking him in the nuts.


----------



## Conrad

K.C. said:


> Really? I'd say it is karma kicking him in the nuts.


Just imagine what it's like for him.

I mean, he totally deserves it, but this HAS to go somewhere.

LOL


----------



## Chuck71

Group.....Conrad told me this back in December

"I refuse to pay for a divorce I did not want"


----------



## Chuck71

Egh....POSOM has summer to sink teeth into another imbecile

Request for POSOM on 97.1, "No Sugar Tonight"


----------



## ReGroup

K.C. said:


> Really? I'd say it is karma kicking him in the nuts.


Mrs. ReGroup was always needy and clingy - it ALWAYS annoyed me... but I didn't love myself enough to think that I could do any better than her: she's really pretty and smart (with of course tons of emtional BAGGAGE). 

The more I ran away (I didn't like the clingy and needy aspect of her), the more she chased - She thought she hated that, but her actions said otherwise. 

A part of her remembers the guy that was elusive, not affectionate enough, had too many female friends (no, never cheated), had to dragged to her place at times, mysterious... and ALL of the difficulties that came with caging me up. 

She hates NOW that she had to do all of that. But, its what intrigued her.

When I got Betasized, the intriguing and authentic part of me faded away. 

That and my EVIL co dependent tendencies... got me where I am now.

It is my assumption, that PosOm IS a Nice Guy... Always doing EVERYTHING for her - the evidence suggest this. 

He's the opposite of a 23 year old ReGroup.


----------



## Conrad

AND... yet, she ends up having EXACTLY the same problems with him she had with you.

I can name that tune in one word - "_*codependence"*_


----------



## ReGroup

Worlds will collide Saturday Afternoon. We are to attend a kid’s birthday party.

I’ll be seeing Mrs. ReGroup for the first time in 5 weeks. 

Though she inquired about the divorce settlement with politeness yesterday; I am sure she wants to strike in some way… silent treatment maybe. 

She threatened that I repair her relations with my friend - I won't. 

It’s going to be tense – I know. 

I haven’t inquired on what her method of transportation will be. I am going to just show up and have a good time. Most of my good friends will be there, so socializing won’t be a problem. There will be hatred and rage in her eyes… Knowing The Fixer that I am; I’d be tempted to smooth things out. But, I’ll ignore Lil’ ReGroup and just do my own thing if my “Hi” isn’t received kindly.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Worlds will collide Saturday Afternoon. We are to attend a kid’s birthday party.
> 
> I’ll be seeing Mrs. ReGroup for the first time in 5 weeks.
> 
> Though she inquired about the divorce settlement with politeness yesterday; I am sure she wants to strike in some way… silent treatment maybe.
> 
> She threatened that I repair her relations with my friend - I won't.
> 
> It’s going to be tense – I know.
> 
> I haven’t inquired on what her method of transportation will be. I am going to just show up and have a good time. Most of my good friends will be there, so socializing won’t be a problem. There will be hatred and rage in her eyes… Knowing The Fixer that I am; I’d be tempted to smooth things out. But, I’ll ignore Lil’ ReGroup and just do my own thing if my “Hi” isn’t received kindly.


I would pay attention to all the other attractive available women.


----------



## Chuck71

Have a good time! Mrs. Re would not go off at a social gathering.

She would be accountable to all of them. Not her style.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> I would pay attention to all the other attractive available women.


:iagree::smthumbup:


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> I would pay attention to all the other attractive available women.


You trying to start a catfight???? Cause it sounds to me like Ms Regroup is definitely the type to throw down and get after it. ;-)

Re, is she a latina?


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> You trying to start a catfight???? Cause it sounds to me like Ms Regroup is definitely the type to throw down and get after it.
> 
> Re, is she a latina?


She needs to hit bottom.

If he goes there and plays "pretend happily married couple"?

What message does that send?


----------



## Bullwinkle

Maybe it's just me but a good cat fight? Nothing better. Hair-pulling, ripped blouses....


----------



## HappyKaty

Bullwinkle said:


> Maybe it's just me but a good cat fight? Nothing better. Hair-pulling, ripped blouses....


Jeez, BW...rent a movie.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> But coachman, he's just a "friend"!
> 
> Man, I've wasted so much time and energy into our situation - that the fuel tank meter is way passed empty.
> 
> Honestly, I'm not at the point of indifference but I am at a point where things she says and/or does matter less and less.
> 
> Logic is catching up to my emotions.


Group,

This was a post from 12/19 or thereabouts.

You even recognize the author?

How's the fuel tank going into this party?


----------



## ReGroup

I don't know that man! 

Now I know why people nuke threads - I'll keep mines up though... It'll help people in the future.

I'm going to go in there and mingle with everyone but her!

I will be all smiles.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> She needs to hit bottom.
> 
> If he goes there and plays "pretend happily married couple"?
> 
> What message does that send?


Sorry, should have added a little smiley on my comment. Regroup definitely should do whatever he needs to do to make her a little hot under the collar. Mrs. Regroup seething...he'll get some mileage out of that. 

Pretend happy married couple? Can you imagine the size of the shyt sandwich Regroup would have to swallow to actually do that? I believe he might actually choke to death on that one.


----------



## coachman

I would love to see an episode of "Wife Swap" with Frostine and Mrs. Regroup switching houses and husbands for a week.

That would be good TV.


----------



## Tron

coachman said:


> I would love to see an episode of "Wife Swap" with Frostine and Mrs. Regroup switching houses and husbands for a week.
> 
> That would be good TV.


:rofl:



ReGroup, Bullwinkle disappeared for a couple of days last weekend after a kid's birthday party with the crazy ex. Don't disappear on us like that. The D.C. police were just about ready to send out search parties...


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> I would pay attention to all the other attractive available women.


Conrad, 

You know, 5 or 10 years ago I would have thought that was all baloney. But, since then, I have heard verbatim from the W on numerous occasions when she is being more talkative "some days I just wanted to leave you, but I didn't cause then I would have to see you with another woman." I am now a believer!


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Conrad,
> 
> You know, 5 or 10 years ago I would have thought that was all baloney. But, since then, I have heard verbatim from the W on numerous occasions when she is being more talkative "some days I just wanted to $hitcan your azz, but I didn't cause then I would have to see you with another woman." I am now a believer!


Why not use the urge for control to your advantage?


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> Why not use the urge for control to your advantage?


We are in a good place right now. I don't give her reasons to have those kind of thoughts anymore...but she still does every so often. We haven't always had a good relationship and she tends to obsess over old stuff. 

I know and she knows I know that she has it pretty damn good. I spoil her quite a bit. Don't regret it at all when things are going well and she doesn't take advantage too much...Awww crap! Did I just say that?

I am all ears.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> We are in a good place right now. I don't give her reasons to have those kind of thoughts anymore...but she still does every so often. We haven't always had a good relationship and she tends to obsess over old stuff.
> 
> I know and she knows I know that she has it pretty damn good. I spoil her quite a bit. Don't regret it at all when things are going well and she doesn't take advantage too much...Awww crap!
> 
> I am all ears.


LOL


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, HK, Tron, Chucky, Tom, BW... Thanks for bringing humor to the thread today.

Another day, another ignored call. Anger might be boiling over and The Viper might be getting ready to strike. D4 doesn't have school from this Thursday till next Friday. Who's providing the funding or support for those days? It won't be The ReGroup Family. 

Also heard Mrs. ReGroup's Family got kicked out of their homes recently. No ill will towards those folks - hope they are doing well. I was always concerned about their dysfunction (stability and emotional).

Pipes about to burst. 

I'm doing good and feeling great. The playing field is leveling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

ReGroup, you are my freaking HERO, man, keep it up!


----------



## ReGroup

Forgot Coach...

F' Face, who would survive the wife swap? I think Frostine would eat me alive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Maybe so. Really big boobers but her blood is ice cold.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, HK, Tron, Chucky, Tom, BW... Thanks for bringing humor to the thread today.
> 
> Another day, another ignored call. Anger might be boiling over and The Viper might be getting ready to strike. D4 doesn't have school from this Thursday till next Friday. Who's providing the funding or support for those days? It won't be The ReGroup Family.
> 
> Also heard Mrs. ReGroup's Family got kicked out of their homes recently. No ill will towards those folks - hope they are doing well. I was always concerned about their dysfunction (stability and emotional).
> 
> Pipes about to burst.
> 
> I'm doing good and feeling great. The playing field is leveling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's beyond level.

You've taken control of the action and are leading the parade.


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> Forgot Coach...
> 
> F' Face, who would survive the wife swap? I think Frostine would eat me alive.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She'd eat you alive, RG. With fava beans and a glass of nice Chianti. Then she'd try to get BW to go down to the store for more Chianti.


----------



## staystrong

ReGroup said:


> I don't know that man!
> 
> Now I know why people nuke threads - I'll keep mines up though... It'll help people in the future.
> 
> I'm going to go in there and mingle with everyone but her!
> 
> I will be all smiles.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The best part is you're not faking it. 

You're making it.


----------



## zillard

The best part of wakin' up....









Is the balls between your legs.


----------



## Chuck71

Group She already acknowledges to herself she made a bad choice. Admitting she made a mistake is the hardest thing she faces. POSOM knows this but he is only in this for the bedroom. My estimation still holds but the actions afterwards, I think will be amazing. Picture a head strong child used to getting their way. When they do not, what happens? Parent holds their ground, child blows up. What happens after the child realizes....I can't win? 

Expos shoot off the best fireworks on the 4th....you're in July now.


----------



## ReGroup

Yeah Chucky, 

This past Summer was awesome for her... she had it all. Doormat husband, new friends, PosOM, etc...

Now, everything is being stripped away. I am lucky... I have a great support system - she doesn't. I have dispensable income - she doesn't. My friends are ones that I have had for past a decade. Loyalty is really important to me...

If this would have been done amicably: no lies, no deceit, no false reconciliations... I would have honored the split w/o any issues. 

But no, she chose the other route. I do not have any sympathy and she wonders why.

But like we've read in the War Stores Thead... she sees things differently.

I won't let up or feel sorry for her current troubles - if she's having them.

Whats more perplexing is that she's shouting about consistency with D4... called me a Deadbeat Dad a few weeks ago because I don't call enough for her. 3 out of my last 4 calls have gone unanswered this week. And she wants me to take her seriously.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Ditto here, RG. All that time Frostine denied me access to my daughter, she still managed to call me a Deadbeat Dad. When she wouldn't take my calls. 

You don't know whether they do it just to enrage you or that they are in fact psycho enough to believe it.


----------



## LovingHusband414

ReGroup said:


> ...I don't call enough for her. 3 out of my last 4 calls have gone unanswered this week. And she wants me to take her seriously.


Wow, I'm not alone!!! I heard something similar to that about a month ago!


----------



## Chuck71

BW-I bet it's a bit of both. In their unclouded frame of mind, they too would think 'danm that b!tch is crazy'. But it's their play, they are the director. Let the curtain fall


----------



## Bullwinkle

Great line, GP, let the curtain fall.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

I meant, RG, sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## staystrong

It was Chuck.


----------



## ReGroup

F' Face is still reeling from his cancelled lunch date. 

BW, breathe!


----------



## Conrad

Bullwinkle said:


> Ditto here, RG. All that time Frostine denied me access to my daughter, she still managed to call me a Deadbeat Dad. When she wouldn't take my calls.
> 
> You don't know whether they do it just to enrage you or that they are in fact psycho enough to believe it.


Remember the PTSD angle on this gentlemen.

When you're a childhood abuse/abandonment/neglect victim, your primitive emotional centers burn in a deep fear associated with the harsh punishment that follows doing something wrong.

The most difficult thing for these individuals to do - as adults - is to step up and admit mistakes and shoulder their own blame.

So, they are - literally - desperate to find a scapegoat to shift the blame for their own misery.

Yes, it's based on fear (of the harsh punishment that truly ISN'T coming - because those that love them merely want to be loved back). And, that's not possible if one person owns all the mistakes in a relationship.


----------



## staystrong

Conrad said:


> Remember the PTSD angle on this gentlemen.
> 
> When you're a childhood abuse/abandonment/neglect victim, your primitive emotional centers burn in a deep fear associated with the harsh punishment that follows doing something wrong.
> 
> The most difficult thing for these individuals to do - as adults - is to step up and admit mistakes and shoulder their own blame.
> 
> So, they are - literally - desperate to find a scapegoat to shift the blame for their own misery.
> 
> Yes, it's based on fear (of the harsh punishment that truly ISN'T coming - because those that love them merely want to be loved back). And, that's not possible if one person owns all the mistakes in a relationship.


Hmm.. would this apply in general to the Underfathered Daughters that Awakening was referring to?


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> Remember the PTSD angle on this gentlemen.
> 
> When you're a childhood abuse/abandonment/neglect victim, your primitive emotional centers burn in a deep fear associated with the harsh punishment that follows doing something wrong.
> 
> The most difficult thing for these individuals to do - as adults - is to step up and admit mistakes and shoulder their own blame.
> 
> So, they are - literally - desperate to find a scapegoat to shift the blame for their own misery.
> 
> Yes, it's based on fear (of the harsh punishment that truly ISN'T coming - because those that love them merely want to be loved back). And, that's not possible if one person owns all the mistakes in a relationship.


Damn it C, the W has big-time daddy issues and this hits home! 

How do you make them see this and deal with it?


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Damn it C, the W has big-time daddy issues and this hits home!


My wife has this too.

And, yes, this forum was the source for me finally being able to identify WTF was going on

When you are conscious of this, you realize that right-fighting is about the dumbest possible activity in which you can engage.

That's why "I'm not ok with this" is about as far as you go.

Keep in mind, we do have good communication now. And, I still see the PTSD during it.

So, I've finally realized when we agree on something that has been an issue, the "best" I'm likely to get is a 50/50 statement of equivalent blame.

And, I'm totally ok with that.


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> When you are conscious of this, you realize that right-fighting is about the dumbest possible activity in which you can engage.


Well at least I am doing something right. I gave up on this several years ago. When I shift the argument away from facts and circumstances and focus exclusively on the emotional aspects, the arguments never get out of hand and don't last. They used to last for weeks...sometimes months.




Conrad said:


> So, I've finally realized when we agree on something that has been an issue, the "best" I'm likely to get is a 50/50 statement of equivalent blame.
> 
> And, I'm totally ok with that.


Yep...that is how it is. I guess I need to work on being totally ok with that. But when I do it I sometimes I feel like I just swallowed a shyt sandwich and it tasted like...you guessed it...shyt.


----------



## Tron

I am laughing about this right now...I've been calling it the "blame game" for about 5 years now...she plays it very well and I HATE IT!!!


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Well at least I am doing something right. I gave up on this several years ago. When I shift the argument away from facts and circumstances and focus exclusively on the emotional aspects, the arguments never get out of hand and don't last. They used to last for weeks...sometimes months.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yep...that is how it is. I guess I need to work on being totally ok with that. But when I do it I sometimes I feel like I just swallowed a shyt sandwich and it tasted like...you guessed it...shyt.


Did you read the War Stories Thread Tron?


----------



## Tron

Pulled it up a time or two, but got sidetracked. I guess I need to do it. Books, TAM threads...running a business, where do I find the time????


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Bullwinkle said:


> I meant, RG, sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


BW, 

Give me some of what you drinking. It's good. 

LOL


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> My wife has this too.
> 
> And, yes, this forum was the source for me finally being able to identify WTF was going on
> 
> When you are conscious of this, you realize that right-fighting is about the dumbest possible activity in which you can engage.
> 
> That's why "I'm not ok with this" is about as far as you go.
> 
> Keep in mind, we do have good communication now. And, I still see the PTSD during it.
> 
> So, I've finally realized when we agree on something that has been an issue, the "best" I'm likely to get is a 50/50 statement of equivalent blame.
> 
> And, I'm totally ok with that.


Told the W I'm not ok with something she did today. Didn't get 50/50. She's is so freakin stubborn.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Told the W I'm not ok with something she did today. Didn't get 50/50. She's is so freakin stubborn.


It's the fear talking.

She doesn't trust you enough yet.

Just stay centered and that trust will develop.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> It's the fear talking.
> 
> She doesn't trust you enough yet.
> 
> Just stay centered and that trust will develop.


Ok. 

Where's this famous war stories thread?


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Ok.
> 
> Where's this famous war stories thread?


It's likely off the first page at the moment.

Just use advanced search on posts by Conrad with key word "War"


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> It's likely off the first page at the moment.
> 
> Just use advanced search on posts by Conrad with key word "War"


Thanks.


----------



## Chuck71

The lovely part of my yet to be doctorate entails evaluating serial killers. I have the pleasure of conferring with child molesters too. With this being said.....there is a reason I and some others ask about childhood. Randomly search serial killers in the United States and read about their childhood. I recommend one in particular, Henry Lee Lucas. When you can idealize yourself inside him and empathize, it leads to an understanding you never were aware of. Condone.....he!! no, empathize...up to reader. I made the "mistake" of asking about a female's H childhood several months ago and was berated by it. I am proud to see Conrad asks too....it means more than many realize.

To be honest, Conrad should sit on the panel for my dissertation. He knows more than the jack legs I see now. Conrad are you sure you are a pharmacist?


----------



## Tron

Chuck71 said:


> I made the "mistake" of asking about a female's H childhood several months ago and was berated by it. I am proud to see Conrad asks too....it means more than many realize.


Sorry Chuck, what is female's H childhood?


----------



## Chuck71

A post from several months ago........I attempted to look outside the box....... it was "damn me" .... in the end, it was his childhood


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> The lovely part of my yet to be doctorate entails evaluating serial killers. I have the pleasure of conferring with child molesters too. With this being said.....there is a reason I and some others ask about childhood. Randomly search serial killers in the United States and read about their childhood. I recommend one in particular, Henry Lee Lucas. When you can idealize yourself inside him and empathize, it leads to an understanding you never were aware of. Condone.....he!! no, empathize...up to reader. I made the "mistake" of asking about a female's H childhood several months ago and was berated by it. I am proud to see Conrad asks too....it means more than many realize.
> 
> To be honest, Conrad should sit on the panel for my dissertation. He knows more than the jack legs I see now. Conrad are you sure you are a pharmacist?


Chuck,

I'm a battle-hardened pharmacist.


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> I made the "mistake" of asking about a female's H childhood several months ago and was berated by it. I am proud to see Conrad asks too....it means more than many realize.


And watch out for those who swear up and down that they had the "perfect" childhood. 

They are either in denial or hiding something.


----------



## Bullwinkle

That's the problem, Script, I've NOT been drinking.


----------



## Awakening2012

staystrong said:


> Hmm.. would this apply in general to the Underfathered Daughters that Awakening was referring to?


Hi SS - 

Others might know better, I am not sure. But for me, it was not a case of verbal or physical abuse, so much as Dad just really not being present or much involved with his kids. Left the mother to do all the parenting, and was certainly not involved in the emotional lives of his children -- what they were feeling and thinking. That's why it is so encouraging to me today to see how much more involved fathers have become in their children's lives -- especially Dad's cherishing their daughters. 

For the under-fathered women like me, I feel like the main ingrained message we got as girls was that love is something you have to work hard for, that you need to prove yourself -- many become perfectionists, many also high acheivers. But they are not grounded in their Yin, and struggle in relationships with masculine men (the ones they are most attracted to), because they are doers, achievers, go-getters -- attributes which are great for your careeer, but clash and compete with the Yang man when trying to have a healthy intimate realationship. For us the challenge is to check our Yang outside the office -- if we want to mate successfully with a health Yang masculine man who will cherish our feelings as we, in turn, respect his thinking. A dynamic we did not have with Dad, so it is not familiar to us. But brain re-wiring is very possible! 

Before things went south with my H we even had a private (between us) code language he would use when he thought I was over-stepping, letting my Yang come out with him (such as back seat driving - LOL!). He would mimic the motion of steering the wheel of a bus -- our code language for "remember who is driving the bus." LOL! It always made me laugh and step back into my carefree Yin 

Hope that helps, but would be interested in what others think.

Cheers, - A12


----------



## Bullwinkle

A12 -

I find this stuff fascinating. Certainly explains a lot in my life, my relationships. 

BW


----------



## staystrong

A12 -

Great post. 

That was my wife and I's relationship. She could be femme in a lot of ways but there was always this underlying contest between the two of us. Back seat driving? Oh yeah. On and off the road. The competitiveness got annoying. I'm not masculine in the sense I am macho, but I'm definitely masculine and don't like to have to jockey for position with my wife on certain things. I just wanted her to chill out. 

I had attributed her ambitiousness and so on to her birth order (first) and also to what she's told me about her relationship to her father. What you wrote was spot on. She never got the appreciation she was looking for from her dad, whom she only saw every other weekend. He set high professional standards for his kids, and that put a lot of pressure on my wife. I think that's what her anorexia-bulimia stemmed from. The need to be perfect (to please daddy). 

I also think girls who grow up in households without father will tend to have poorer sexual boundaries than their peers. They don't get to see how men and women relate in an intimate relationship on a daily basis.


----------



## Mavash.

A12 I totally agree. Just last night I got a little too fired up about my husbands work. He appreciated the insight but said I could tone it down. Too much yang and he was right,

My dad was around but he raised me like a man and kept my mom away. So an under mothered and over fathered dynamic can cause this too.


----------



## GutPunch

Well...I think I had the opposite problem. I think my wife feared to disappoint me. Therefore did not communicate with me cuz I was too yang and her too yin. Is that possible?

Most of the fellers on here are so called nice guys. That's not me. I definitely would not say that I am truly an alpha either as I have codependent issues after the split. You know worrying about her and the split and things I had no control over. Alphas just go find another girl to bang.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Well...I think I had the opposite problem. I think my wife feared to disappoint me. Therefore did not communicate with me cuz I was too yang and her too yin. Is that possible?
> 
> Most of the fellers on here are so called nice guys. That's not me. I definitely would not say that I am truly an alpha either as I have codependent issues after the split. You know worrying about her and the split and things I had no control over. Alphas just go find another girl to bang.


You think that's what I did?


----------



## GutPunch

C

I'm sure you had two lines at the pharmacy. One for prescriptions. One for single ladies with bad intentions.


----------



## ReGroup

A12 - fabulous post! Very introspective - we like that!

My friend, who now doesn't want anything to do with Mrs. ReGroup anymore, shared a story with me last Summer... Prior to knowing anything about co dependency - she told me: ReGroup, I once tried to save a guy - who I eventually got into a relationship with. He came from another country for the 1st time. When he got here, I bought him a jacket, bought him clothes, gave him a place to stay etc... Eventually things flamed out... He might have been cheating, I think... But that's not important. I look back and think, he never asked me to save him, he never asked for any of those things and I went out of my way to get those things for him anyway. When he didn't reciprocate, I got angry. That was my fault. I put myself in that position to be let down because I set up unfair expectations on him.

Happy Katy Moment for sure - before the HK moment occurred. 

Its incredibly attractive.

She doesn't know the term co dependency, but she understood its concept. It was amazing. 

A12, its fabulous that you know where your flaws were. Its a great discovery and a path to a new beginning.

Mrs. ReGroup: What time you are taking D4 to the party tomorrow.

Me: At noon.

Mrs. RG: Ok

Guess she doesn't want to go. Oh well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

She does want to go, but you've got her completely boxed in.

She has no idea what to do... and she HATES it.


----------



## ReGroup

Bucket List:

13. Experience a Knick Championship.

14. Meet and thank Chip
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tron

GutPunch said:


> Well...I think I had the opposite problem. I think my wife feared to disappoint me. Therefore did not communicate with me cuz I was too yang and her too yin. Is that possible?


GP, I think there is no question that she felt this way. Did you set extremely high expectations for her? And expect the same even after she had two kids? She is an achiever. When things fell apart after having kid #2... 

Just fyi, I am guilty of the same with my W and my 3 kids. I need to work on that.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Bullwinkle said:


> That's the problem, Script, I've NOT been drinking.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Bucket List:
> 
> 13. Experience a Knick Championship.
> 
> 14. Meet and thank Chip
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you from NY RG? If so, Mets or Yanks?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Bucket List:
> 
> 13. Experience a Knick Championship.
> 
> 14. Meet and thank Chip
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm planning on visiting NYC in this year or next - depends on if I'm successful in buying this pharmacy.

You, me, and Script would have a blast.


----------



## Lifescript

We definitely have to meet up when you come to NYC. 

First round is on me.


----------



## K.C.

Ha, in a get together with any of us sorry lot, I doubt C would have to buy a drink all night and we'd still be behind in the tally!


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



K.C. said:


> Ha, in a get together with any of us sorry lot, I doubt C would have to buy a drink all night and we'd still be behind in the tally!


I'm with you. I doubt he has to buy a drink.


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> Are you from NY RG? If so, Mets or Yanks?


My first memory of any sports activity was 1986: The gift and the curse.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> My first memory of any sports activity was 1986: The gift and the curse.


Mets/Red Sox


----------



## ReGroup

Mets and Knicks Fan... I haven't had a reason to celebrate in DECADES!


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> I'm planning on visiting NYC in this year or next - depends on if I'm successful in buying this pharmacy.
> 
> You, me, and Script would have a blast.


We forgot The Happy Man! This needs to happen - for my sake!

Keep up us updated Chip.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Mets and Knicks Fan... I haven't had a reason to celebrate in DECADES!


I feel you. I hate the Yanks. The Mets and Knicks are on the right path. The Mets have good pitching coming up but we gotta be patient. Johan Santana needing surgery is a bummer.


----------



## ReGroup

Script,

I even follow the minors... I buy the Baseball America Prospect Handbook every year - its dire my man... Our Met's (if you're following them) are long A ... Ways A Way.

Zack Wheeler!!!! But you're right, the pitching looks promising.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Script,
> 
> I even follow the minors... I buy the Baseball America Prospect Handbook every year - its dire my man... Our Met's (if you're following them) are long A ... Ways A Way.
> 
> Zack Wheeler!!!! But you're right, the pitching looks promising.


Zack Wheeler, Harvey, Niese, D'Arnaud. 

They have promising prospects and I believe they will spend $ next year. We'll see. They have to be good. NY won't support a bad team that do not spend.


----------



## Chuck71

Ahhh baseball..... my mistress for years. Following the strike and steroids... the appeal was lost. Not that you can't see it in my articles LOL..........But talk about baseball in the 80s and 90s omg....I'm so there!


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Chuck71 said:


> Ahhh baseball..... my mistress for years. Following the strike and steroids... the appeal was lost. Not that you can't see it in my articles LOL..........But talk about baseball in the 80s and 90s omg....I'm so there!


It's not the same for sure. 

Is Mike Trout on steroids? 

Is jeter on steroids? 

People would say no right away. That was before. Now no player is safe from suspicion. 

It's a shame.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Ahhh baseball..... my mistress for years. Following the strike and steroids... the appeal was lost. Not that you can't see it in my articles LOL..........But talk about baseball in the 80s and 90s omg....I'm so there!


My favorite moment in Cardinal history.

Jack Clark's blast in Game #6 vs. the Dodgers.

I thought Vin Scully was going to start crying on television.


----------



## ReGroup

1986 was my favorite moment - Lol. 

RG: I got held up. My mother is on her way to pick up D4 - she's getting on the train.

Mrs RG: Held up ?...more like a coward. Ill be picking D4 up tomorrow morning. 

RG: At around what time?

Mrs. RG: 9. Are you taking D4 to Friend's birthday party? I hope she won't be let down again by you? 

RG: 9 is good - I'll feed and bathe her before the scheduled pick up time.

I don't know what type of counselor this person is seeing. Or she's unable to implement the counseling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> 1986 was my favorite moment - Lol.
> 
> RG: I got held up. My mother is on her way to pick up D4 - she's getting on the train.
> 
> Mrs RG: Held up ?...more like a coward. Ill be picking D4 up tomorrow morning.
> 
> RG: At around what time?
> 
> Mrs. RG: 9. Are you taking D4 to Friend's birthday party? I hope she won't be let down again by you?
> 
> RG: 9 is good - I'll feed and bathe her before the scheduled pick up time.
> 
> I don't know what type of counselor this person is seeing. Or she's unable to implement the counseling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ReGroup,

How about "I'm not ok with that kind of talk"

Sometimes, I ponder how many more championships the Mets would have run off had St. Louis not had ****** Herzog as manager.


----------



## Lifescript

Yeah RG, 

Don't let her get away with that kind of talk. It's so infuriating when they use the kids to get under your skin. They'll stop at nothing.


----------



## ReGroup

I truly hated The Cardinals. They were a nuisance to me in the late 80's. In hindsight, we the reason for our own demise.

Chip, showing restraint and juking those comments isn't as powerful as stating, "I'm not ok..."

Aren't I sending a message: That won't effect me like you wish it would?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Scrip,

Damn you for nuking your earlier threads - you were obviously NOT thinking about us poor saps who had wish to learn the way you have. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I truly hated The Cardinals. They were a nuisance to me in the late 80's. In hindsight, we the reason for our own demise.
> 
> Chip, showing restraint and juking those comments isn't as powerful as stating, "I'm not ok..."
> 
> Aren't I sending a message: That won't effect me like you wish it would?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you ok with her speaking to you that way?


----------



## ReGroup

I see, point taken. Set up the boundary first and if she insist show restraint by NOT engaging.

Their is hope for me after all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I see, point taken. Set up the boundary first and if she insist show restraint by NOT engaging.
> 
> Their is hope for me after all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She wasn't able to handle texting with you.

So, the boundary became email.

This language needs to stop.

Put up the boundary.

If she continues to blow past it, "I'm still not ok with this language, therefore all further communication will be handled by my attorney"


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Scrip,
> 
> Damn you for nuking your earlier threads - you were obviously NOT thinking about us poor saps who had wish to learn the way you have. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL. It wasn't pretty RG. I still struggle. Conrad has been helping me from the get go. 

I think the titles of the threads tell the story: 

Am I wrong for thinking this? 

Did my wife have a PA? 

Feel like an idiot, caved in, got burned! 

My heart is broken.

Liminality

The road to divorce is a rollercoaster for sure.

Lifescript's Journal

The breaking point


----------



## Chuck71

QUOTE
My favorite moment in Cardinal history.

Jack Clark's blast in Game #6 vs. the Dodgers.
CONRAD WASN'T THAT 1985, IF SO THAT WAS OZZIE SMITH

I thought Vin Scully was going to start crying on television.



Mine was Game #6 1991 World Series

Kirby Puckett bottom of 11th, Jack Buck calling

"We'll see you tomorrow night!" Puckett HR

And Game 7....10 innings, Jack Morris shutout

I have that Series on old VHS tape.....

Braves fan yes but Twins run in my blood


----------



## Chuck71

Lifescript I have wrote several stories about steroids for the paper. I can PM you the link if you are interested. Many say Frank Thomas juiced but funny thing....by the time he was 30...he had maybe three solid years after that. If he was juicing, he bought the cheap ones.


----------



## Chuck71

Group....Remember that crazy old lady behind the plate at Shea

would rotate her hands every time a Red Sox pitcher threw (86 WS)

I'm glad Bill Buckner was given a reprieve in 2004

Too bad Moore did not for the Angels failure

he gave up a HR to Dave Henderson in Game 6 1986 ALCS 

Angels lose Game 7....Moore commits suicide in 1989


----------



## Awakening2012

You guys with your baseball talk high-jacking - LOL! Washington Nationals season opener on Monday -- yip, yip!

ReGroup and LS, hang in there -- you are getting a black belt in the TAM verbal ninja training!

Cheers,- A12


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Chuck71 said:


> Lifescript I have wrote several stories about steroids for the paper. I can PM you the link if you are interested. Many say Frank Thomas juiced but funny thing....by the time he was 30...he had maybe three solid years after that. If he was juicing, he bought the cheap ones.


Yes, PM me the link.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Chuck71 said:


> QUOTE
> My favorite moment in Cardinal history.
> 
> Jack Clark's blast in Game #6 vs. the Dodgers.
> CONRAD WASN'T THAT 1985, IF SO THAT WAS OZZIE SMITH
> 
> I thought Vin Scully was going to start crying on television.
> 
> 
> 
> Mine was Game #6 1991 World Series
> 
> Kirby Puckett bottom of 11th, Jack Buck calling
> 
> "We'll see you tomorrow night!" Puckett HR
> 
> And Game 7....10 innings, Jack Morris shutout
> 
> I have that Series on old VHS tape.....
> 
> Braves fan yes but Twins run in my blood


Yea. I have seen Kirby's inning play on MLBN. Historic!


----------



## ReGroup

So, D4 and I get to the kid's party late... Issues we had no control over. Everything planned fell apart, we arrived late... But we arrived:

Mrs. RG: Are you seriously kidding right now about missing Friend's party ??????

You keep letting D4 down and are unreliable ReGroup. This is so low because this has nothing to do with me or you. This has to do with D4 and her feelings.

She woke up this morning and yesterday morning talking about Laila's party...this is so low.

RG: I'm not ok with pestering.

Mrs. RG: I'm not ok with you missing Friend's party. A party that D4 was dying to go all month. 

I'm ok with you being unreliable and in dependable. 

I'm not ok with you letting D4 down. I'm really not ok with that. I'm not ok with you not taking responsibility for your actions and planning ahead.

RG: Are you done?

Mrs. RG: Not really...but I won't "pester" you anymore since you don't care.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Thank goodness we are D...it would be hard for you to deal with me

buy y'know you're grasping more than a coked out porn star

I do not wish to start on your character

I can not afford to miss a week's work

Mrs. Group "If you do not have anything positive to say, do not say anything at all


----------



## Chuck71

Lifescript I was at the theatre with my second love and had to listen to the game on a walkman radio. When Puckett hit the HR, I was the only one in theatre screaming "there will be a game seven". She said I embarrassed her. I replied "at this moment....I don't care!"


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



chuck71 said:


> lifescript i was at the theatre with my second love and had to listen to the game on a walkman radio. When puckett hit the hr, i was the only one in theatre screaming "there will be a game seven". She said i embarrassed her. I replied "at this moment....i don't care!"


:d
lol


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> So, D4 and I get to the kid's party late... Issues we had no control over. Everything planned fell apart, we arrived late... But we arrived:
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you seriously kidding right now about missing Friend's party ??????
> 
> You keep letting D4 down and are unreliable ReGroup. This is so low because this has nothing to do with me or you. This has to do with D4 and her feelings.
> 
> She woke up this morning and yesterday morning talking about Laila's party...this is so low.
> 
> RG: I'm not ok with pestering.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I'm not ok with you missing Friend's party. A party that D4 was dying to go all month.
> 
> I'm ok with you being unreliable and in dependable.
> 
> I'm not ok with you letting D4 down. I'm really not ok with that. I'm not ok with you not taking responsibility for your actions and planning ahead.
> 
> RG: Are you done?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Not really...but I won't "pester" you anymore since you don't care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"Are you done" is perfect right there.


----------



## ReGroup

Show down occurred.

Mrs. ReGroup met D4 and I at a diner, where we were having breakfast.

The Email Bully didn't show up this morning.

We sat down and everything was cordial. CDF.

She asked me for funding for D4's daycare this coming week: No.

She asked me what we'll do about D4 this coming week: Find an alternative.

She asked me about what transpired between her and our friend: I am not having this conversation here.

Are you going to pick up your stuff: Throw them out.

"But I'll feel guilty and you might hold it against me later".

Throw it out.

"Thanks for offering me breakfast"... (Ignored) while we headed out.

D4 of course cried after we went our separate ways. Then I hear, "ReGroup!"... A block away, they come towards me and D4 wanted to give me one last hug and a kiss.

During the entire conversation, I sensed her trying to read my eyes and expressions... I didn't flinch. No explaining, no wavering.

No coward here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

GutPunch said:


> Well...I think I had the opposite problem. I think my wife feared to disappoint me. Therefore did not communicate with me cuz I was too yang and her too yin. Is that possible?
> 
> Most of the fellers on here are so called nice guys. That's not me. I definitely would not say that I am truly an alpha either as I have codependent issues after the split. You know worrying about her and the split and things I had no control over. Alphas just go find another girl to bang.


*Some Alphas Go Find Another Girl to Love!*


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> I'm planning on visiting NYC in this year or next - depends on if I'm successful in buying this pharmacy.
> 
> You, me, and Script would have a blast.


Dinner will be on me!


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Mets/Red Sox


The most amazing thing I've seen was the Cardinals in the World Series in 1987 (instead of the Mets) with the following:

1) No starter with more than 11 wins

2) Jim Lindemann at first base

3) Tom Lawless at 3b

A rookie starting Game #1 of the Series - and Game #7

Funny thing is, if they hadn't played in that Hefty Bag Dome, they'd have actually won it.


----------



## ReGroup

Scrip and I will be there with pad and pens - taking notes from The TAM Titans.

This needs to happen!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> The most amazing thing I've seen was the Cardinals in the World Series in 1987 (instead of the Mets) with the following:
> 
> 1) No starter with more than 11 wins
> 
> 2) Jim Lindemann at first base
> 
> 3) Tom Lawless at 3b
> 
> A rookie starting Game #1 of the Series - and Game #7
> 
> Funny thing is, if they hadn't played in that Hefty Bag Dome, they'd have actually won it.


I remember being terrified of Vince Coleman - I was 7 at the time and no one scared me more - that and how ugly Willie McGee was.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I remember being terrified of Vince Coleman - I was 7 at the time and no one scared me more - that and how ugly Willie McGee was.


We actually called him "E.T. McGee"

Then you guys signed Coleman as a free agent, and he turned into a pumpkin at midnight.


----------



## Chuck71

Have to disagree Conrad....87 Twins had the lumber. Pitching...lol....well after Sweet Music and B-leavin the Yard...there was nothing. I missed Kent Hrbek's (fav player) Game 6 grand slam. But I was fishing with dad. Guess I'm glad I missed it. But that game (6) was the last scheduled day game in World Series to date.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Have to disagree Conrad....87 Twins had the lumber. Pitching...lol....well after Sweet Music and B-leavin the Yard...there was nothing. I missed Kent Hrbek's (fav player) Game 6 grand slam. But I was fishing with dad. Guess I'm glad I missed it. But that game (6) was the last scheduled day game in World Series to date.


I saw that one enough for both of us.

Nauseating


----------



## Stella Moon

Really? Baseball? You do realize I live in Mn...

I like hockey...just sayin..


----------



## Conrad

Stella Moon said:


> Really? Baseball? You do realize I live in Mn...
> 
> I like hockey...just sayin..


We were actually talking about a World Series the Minnesota Twinkies participated in.

And, since you don't remember, they actually won.

Yes, accidents do happen.

Homer Hankies be damned.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad is secretly PO'd at the Cards losing the 1985 Series. But I admit....Jorge Orta was out at 1B. Bad call


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Chuck71 said:


> Conrad is secretly PO'd at the Cards losing the 1985 Series. But I admit....Jorge Orta was out at 1B. Bad call


No, he wasn't.


----------



## Chuck71

Speaking of Hrbek........it was funny how he pulled a baserunner off of 1B and tagged them out in both 87 and 91 WS. I was the only Twins rooter in a factory on third shift. The night Twins won.....the boss got mad and sent me home.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Conrad is secretly PO'd at the Cards losing the 1985 Series. But I admit....Jorge Orta was out at 1B. Bad call


There's nothing secret about that.

Don Denkinger sucks!


----------



## Chuck71

Didn't DD admit to blowing the call years later?


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Didn't DD admit to blowing the call years later?


Yes.

The pathetic SOB

"I looked up and the ball was in his glove, I looked down and his foot (orta's) was on the bag"

No shix, Sherlock

How long did it take you to look down?










Could have happened to anyone..... BS


----------



## Chuck71

DD would say "I'm not ok with that"

:lol:


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs ReGroup: Hi M.I.L.,* 
In the last month I told ReGroup that I did not have any day care options for D4 starting tomorrow because I go back to work. When asking him on Sunday again, he basically told me to figure it out myself. I have asked him for a month for help in figuring this week out. so there has been adequate notice. The same thing happened a few weeks ago, when I had told you the Day before on Sunday and you asked (Your Sister) to watch D4. So, I am in this predicament again, where I do not have any day care for D4 for this week. Do you have any suggestions or can you help? I have missed a lot of days this year for myself and for D4 already so taking off of work is the last resort option for me.*
Thank you and Im sorry to bother you with this but I am alone in trying to figure this out since ReGroup has not made any effort in helping me or even asking me what the end result for his daughter's care while is she is not in school.
--------------------------------
She cc'd me on this final last ditch effort for help. 

She'll have to figure this one out on her own. And no, I won't respond to this email.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Damn, RG. I'm probably enjoying this too much. It's getting almost too easy for you now.


----------



## Conrad

ReG,

Your mother-in-law? Or hers?


----------



## ReGroup

Sorry, she emailed my mother and I.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> ReG,
> 
> Your mother-in-law? Or hers?


Speaking of which, where is her mother?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Sorry, she emailed my mother and I.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you speak with your mom about it?


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> Speaking of which, where is her mother?


I'm certain her mother is angry - and crazy.


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> I'm certain her mother is angry - and crazy.


For some reason, I thought he'd said she wasn't around. Maybe a different thread...


----------



## ReGroup

HK, they are hours away. They were just kicked out of there homes... They have major issues.

Chip, you are being light on her mother. She is beyond ANGRY and CRAZY. 

My mother knows the rule: No more saving. Its Mrs. ReGroup's time, its her responsibility.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> HK, they are hours away. They were just kicked out of there homes... They have major issues.


The apple don't fall far from the tree. 

My H is a spitting image of my MIL, in regards to personality. All kinds of crazy. Then again, my own mother and I share our own bag of cray.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Thank you and Im sorry to bother you with this but I am alone in trying to figure this out since ReGroup has not made any effort in helping me or even asking me what the end result for *his* daughter's care while is she is not in school.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who's daughter?


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Who's daughter?


She was an innocent bystander.


----------



## ReGroup

GP, she's a character isn't she? 

A month to prepare and get this resolved and the day before this issue is to occur she's fishing to be saved.

She doesn't know any better though - she's always been accommodated. Only this time it all STOPS. 

(Insert soda machine analogy)

cc'ing me was another attempt to get the little cute little fixer in me to reappear... He's not coming out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Just another in a long list of examples of ReGroup totally failing D4.

How can he possibly live with himself?


----------



## Chuck71

Lawd.....she got more drama than a drag show


----------



## GutPunch

Haha ReGroup you mean YOU had a month to prepare.

I went thru the same sh*t with mine.

That is until they locked her up.

Mrs ReGroup wants to be a single mom she can own it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

GutPunch said:


> Mrs ReGroup wants to be a single mom she can own it.


... on her own. 

RG is not available as a spouse anymore.


----------



## ReGroup

Email last night: ReGroup, being a parent to D4 involves more than seeing her occasionally on the weekends. 

I didn't respond to that.

This morning, I ignored both of her phone calls. Why she's calling? Looking for the rescuer in me.

Now she emails: Why are you doing these things to me?
Do you hate me that much?

I don't hate her... I want to thank her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Email last night: ReGroup, being a parent to D4 involves more than seeing her occasionally on the weekends.
> 
> I didn't respond to that.
> 
> This morning, I ignored both of her phone calls. Why she's calling? Looking for the rescuer in me.
> 
> Now she emails: Why are you doing these things to me?
> Do you hate me that much?
> 
> I don't hate her... I want to thank her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you wish to respond, "I'm sorry you feel that way" is perfect here.


----------



## Chuck71

Best I recall Group don't you have her most of the time on weekends?


----------



## Conrad

One other thing this tells you about posOM.

He's not any kind of fixer.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> One other thing this tells you about posOM.
> 
> He's not any kind of fixer.


From the women I've observed they don't do this to the OM. It's like the kids don't exist. Total buzz kill so these women continue to try to get their old fixers to comply so they can cake eat. And these men have no reason to suck up to the kids because they already got the girl.

The fixer in men likely doesn't come out until it gets to the marriage stage.

Just speculating of course.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> From the women I've observed they don't do this to the OM. It's like the kids don't exist. Total buzz kill so these women continue to try to get their old fixers to comply so they can cake eat. And these men have no reason to suck up to the kids because they already got the girl.
> 
> The fixer in men likely doesn't come out until it gets to the marriage stage.
> 
> Just speculating of course.


Mav,

Subconsciously, it would likely lower posOM's "alpha status" in her delusion.

So, she doesn't even ask.

And, of course, he doesn't offer.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> Mav,
> 
> Subconsciously, it would likely lower posOM's "alpha status" in her delusion.
> 
> So, she doesn't even ask.
> 
> And, of course, he doesn't offer.


I'd like to hope that many understand on some level that they've affaired down and aren't comfortable leaving kids alone with posOM yet. 

But this is probably more likely. Plus, the relationship started outside the hubby and kids... best to keep it that way for as long as possible to keep the fantasy alive.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Email last night: ReGroup, being a parent to D4 involves more than seeing her occasionally on the weekends.
> 
> I didn't respond to that.
> 
> This morning, I ignored both of her phone calls. Why she's calling? Looking for the rescuer in me.
> 
> Now she emails: Why are you doing these things to me?
> Do you hate me that much?
> 
> I don't hate her... I want to thank her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL.

During the separations, W would ask me these exact questions. Ignore. She's just looking to dump some anger on you.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Why are you doing these things to me?
> Do you hate me that much?


Why does she need you so much? Does she hate herself?


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Why does she need you so much? Does she hate herself?


You know she does.


----------



## ReGroup

ReGroup: I'm sorry you feel that way.

Mrs. RG: Don't pull that crap on me RG. You are turning people against me, talking crap about me. But forget that, you are not even help me parent. Why do you feel that it's not part of your responsibility to help me find day care for her? Or to take care of her? She was crying for you on Sunday and you didn't even hug her. We had to call you back. Then you didn't even call her in the day just to check on her or ask her how she was feeling? You seem completely and utterly disconnected. 

- BS, I gave D4 the biggest hug and kiss.

RG: I'm not ok with victim speak.

Mrs. RG: Are you mentally unsound or something? Victim speak ? You're losing it...I'm telling you the facts. 

RG: Again, how is this helpful?

Mrs. RG: Look at your responses RG! You give me nothing but therapy speak. You have not been helpful and have actually been incredibly hurtful and disrespectful to me. 

RG: I see things differently.

Mrs. RG: How do you see them?
---------------------------------------------------------------

This will never end.

Script, I know you're right.... she wants to dump her anger on me -not to mention blame.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> ReGroup: I'm sorry you feel that way.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Don't pull that crap on me RG. You are turning people against me, talking crap about me. But forget that, you are not even help me parent. Why do you feel that it's not part of your responsibility to help me find day care for her? Or to take care of her? She was crying for you on Sunday and you didn't even hug her. We had to call you back. Then you didn't even call her in the day just to check on her or ask her how she was feeling? You seem completely and utterly disconnected.
> 
> - BS, I gave D4 the biggest hug and kiss.
> 
> RG: I'm not ok with victim speak.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you mentally unsound or something? Victim speak ? You're losing it...I'm telling you the facts.
> 
> RG: Again, how is this helpful?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Look at your responses RG! You give me nothing but therapy speak. You have not been helpful and have actually been incredibly hurtful and disrespectful to me.
> 
> RG: I see things differently.
> 
> Mrs. RG: How do you see them?
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> This will never end.
> 
> Script, I know you're right.... she wants to dump her anger on me -not to mention blame.


But, you are wrong.

It will end.

It will end just as Chuck surmised.


----------



## zillard

I'm not available to you as a spouse anymore. It is not my responsibility to secure daycare on your parenting time.


----------



## Lifescript

She's using the child to get you riled up. Well, she's trying but you are not taking the bait. Ignore.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> She's using the child to get you riled up. Well, she's trying but you are not taking the bait. Ignore.


Emotional communication.

Talk less - do more

In this case, "doing more" means doing absolutely nothing.

Let her solve her own problems.


----------



## Chuck71

Group Did you actually see her graduate? Saying she evaluates young children just scares the muck out of me


----------



## GutPunch

She absolutely refuses to take responsibility.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> She absolutely refuses to take responsibility.


This isn't quite turning out like she thought it would.


----------



## Chuck71

QUOTE
This will never end.


But, you are wrong.

It will end.

It will end just as Chuck surmised. 



It will end as the 3rd Matrix did

Group..... you will then have a decision to make


----------



## Bullwinkle

DeadBeat Dad!


----------



## ReGroup

Call went unanswered again. What else is new?

In our exchange this morning I informed her about the online calendar I created to help us organize a little better - that was ignored. Her blame shifting was more important in the emails. 
No word from her lawyer about anything.

You guys were absolutely right - this has nothing to do with parenting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Chuck71 said:


> Group Did you actually see her graduate? Saying she evaluates young children just scares the muck out of me


Some people EXCEL at work despite their personal lives being train wrecks. My sister and her kids are messed up and she's an elementary school teacher. And know what? She's good at work. Awesome teacher. Creative, animated, consistently gets students to improve, etc.

But she's a terrible mother, friend, sister, wife, etc.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Call went unanswered again. What else is new?
> 
> In our exchange this morning I informed her about the online calendar I created to help us organize a little better - that was ignored. Her blame shifting was more important in the emails.
> No word from her lawyer about anything.
> 
> You guys were absolutely right - this has nothing to do with parenting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Absolutely nothing


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Can I ask you a question?

RG: Sure

Mrs. RG: Why did you leave me stranded with trying to find day care of D4 for these 3 days?

SMH.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Can I ask you a question?
> 
> RG: Sure
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why did you leave me stranded with trying to find day care of D4 for these 3 days?
> 
> SMH.


I'm sorry you feel that way


----------



## Conrad

Group,

You're communicating with her emotionally now.

It's coming in LOUD AND CLEAR.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Can I ask you a question?
> 
> RG: Sure
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why did you leave me stranded with trying to find day care of D4 for these 3 days?
> 
> SMH.


Go say zilliards suggestion.

It's not your job anymore or something like that.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Go say I think zilliards suggestion.
> 
> It's not your job anymore or something like that.


Yeah, I like this better.

She's actually asking. Time to tell her.


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> I'm not available to you as a spouse anymore. It is not my responsibility to secure daycare on your parenting time.


This.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> This.


Send it Group.

Then look for the puff of greasy smoke across town as her head implodes.


----------



## Mavash.

If that's too much just send the second sentence.


----------



## GutPunch

oooh! Send it! I'm heading to the window in my office to see if I can see the mushroom cloud.


----------



## ReGroup

Sent!

My hands were shaking as I wrote it. Lol

She is going to end up killing me.


----------



## Lifescript

This is funny.


----------



## Mavash.

Want to clarify something. It's one thing if its a true emergency (I actually had a therapy lesson on what constitutes an emergency....lol) but its something completely different when they KNOW ahead of time and refuse to take appropriate action. That's their problem not yours and sadly yes this includes parenting duties. It's hard because its your kids but its necessary. You aren't doing anyone favors by enabling them.


----------



## Chuck71

LOL When I told ex back in December to clean up after herself

I was not her spouse any more...OMG eruption

"I will be out of here after two paychecks"

next day....house was (not "clean") cleaner

and she stayed way past the two paychecks


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. ReGroup: Unfortunately I don't need you as a spouse, I need you as a father. She is your responsibility 24/7 as she is mine. What a shocking statement. 

That makes no sense. Ultimately the safety and care of your child is always ur responsibility.

You really cannot mean that ReGroup....
--------------------------------

Its useless. She doesn't get the message.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

She doesn't want to accept the message.


----------



## zillard

This stuff really does work RG. 

I've seen a huge drop in co-parenting drama with X since I stopped engaging. At first she was furious, insulting, passive aggressive, even cursing at me in front of kiddo. 

Lately there has been little blame. Smooth communication. Politeness. 

I missed an assembly at daughter's school due to work recently. X drove the 45 minutes and showed up for it, without knowing I wouldn't be there. She never said boo about it. Huge shift for her not to take full advantage of an opportunity to spew. 

Keep it up.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I need you as a father.


Her's or D's?


----------



## Pbartender

It's the difference between both of you being 50% responsible for D 100% the time, and being 100% responsible for D 50% of the time.

That's what being a single, divorced co-parent is all about.


Pb.


----------



## zillard

Let her sit on it. 

No question to answer this time.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



zillard said:


> This stuff really does work RG.
> 
> I've seen a huge drop in co-parenting drama with X since I stopped engaging. At first she was furious, insulting, passive aggressive, even cursing at me in front of kiddo.
> 
> Lately there has been little blame. Smooth communication. Politeness.
> 
> I missed an assembly at daughter's school due to work recently. X drove the 45 minutes and showed up for it, without knowing I wouldn't be there. She never said boo about it. Huge shift for her not to take full advantage of an opportunity to spew.
> 
> Keep it up.


It will stop when she realizes the shenanigans won't work anymore.


----------



## ReGroup

Damn, why does it feel like I took a pounding?

I look at the first sentence and it was harsh... she returned fire nicely.


----------



## Chuck71

The key is......she missed the intended target.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

Just take this from someone who knows - returning fire is what she does best in this life. It's like they were born, per-ordained for this role.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Damn, why does it feel like I took a pounding?
> 
> I look at the first sentence and it was harsh... she returned fire nicely.


Did she get what she wanted? Nope

Did she get you to engage? Nope

Does she have to manage her own life now? Yes

Perfect emotional communication Group

Gold star.


----------



## Conrad

And, we now have insight into all her ranting about how ReGroup is "failing" D4.

He's "failing" D4 by not allowing Mrs. ReGroup to cake eat.

Yes, Group - you are making her show her hand... and, in the process, cracking the code.


----------



## ReGroup

I guess you are right Chip.

With the help of you guys, she's meeting a brick wall.

Emotional communication/connection is something, Pre TAM, I felt was done via words... Lots of talking. Here I am, saying one liners and its packing a punch (efficient). 

No telling what happens. I believe that now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I guess you are right Chip.
> 
> With the help of you guys, she's meeting a brick wall.
> 
> Emotional communication/connection is something, Pre TAM, I felt was done via words... Lots of talking. Here I am, saying one liners and its packing a punch (efficient).
> 
> No telling what happens. I believe that now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know what's going to happen.

She's very likely to appear on your doorstep.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup: Unfortunately I don't need you as a spouse, I need you as a father. She is your responsibility 24/7 as she is mine. What a shocking statement.
> 
> That makes no sense. Ultimately the safety and care of your child is always ur responsibility.
> 
> You really cannot mean that ReGroup....
> --------------------------------
> 
> Its useless. She doesn't get the message.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Look at the words. She's shocked you won't own her half of the parenting. And no it probably doesn't make sense to someone who is used to being enabled. 

Then she goes on to say its ALWAYS your responsibility. Huh? Thought it was part hers too? She just contradicted herself.

But then she baits you "you can't really mean that?" 

She sounds like a scared child who is desperate for someone to take care of her.

The answer should you choose to give one is what another poster already said "I'm 100% responsible for child care arrangements when she's in my care. You are 100% responsible for childcare when she is in your care."

The reason I'm saying it is because this wasn't about safety and care at all. It was about a lazy mother. So I'm spelling it out for her.


----------



## Mavash.

Pbartender said:


> It's the difference between both of you being 50% responsible for D 100% the time, and being 100% responsible for D 50% of the time.
> 
> That's what being a single, divorced co-parent is all about.
> 
> 
> Pb.


Stole your line in my proposed response. Hope you don't mind.

Conrad could edit it further.

As he caught on she is asking.

Asking means answer wrapped in love.

She deserves the truth as long as she isn't being completely vindictive which she isn't.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Look at the words. She's shocked you won't own her half of the parenting. And no it probably doesn't make sense to someone who is used to being enabled.
> 
> Then she goes on to say its ALWAYS your responsibility. Huh? Thought it was part hers too? She just contradicted herself.
> 
> But then she baits you "you can't really mean that?"
> 
> She sounds like a scared child who is desperate for someone to take care of her.
> 
> The answer should you choose to give one is what another poster already said "I'm 100% responsible for child care arrangements when she's in my care. You are 100% responsible for childcare when she is in your care."
> 
> The reason I'm saying it is because this wasn't about safety and care at all. It was about a lazy mother. So I'm spelling it out for her.


And, the reason for my conclusion on this is we're now at a crossroads.

EMOTIONALLY... Mrs. ReGroup "figured" that doormat ReGroup would still pay her way AND enable her WHILE she banged the new and exciting posOM.

Why wouldn't he? It's his child also. He's always caved before.

You are now teaching her something 100% different.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Fixing this for Mav...
> "I'm 100% responsible for her time with me. I'm not responsible when she's living elsewhere - unless it's an emergency. This wasn't."


We still may get that puff of smoke


----------



## Mavash.

People who are emotionally still children inside need to be reminded more than once the rules of engagement.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> People who are emotionally still children inside need to be reminded more than once the rules of engagement.


Someone told me you have to tell them 25,000 times.


----------



## Mavash.

Decorum you're taking her words out of context.

She said I don't need a spouse. I need a father (implied for their daughter).

This is a true statement. They are divorcing and yes she does need him to be a father.

Give her a teeny break. She's new to all this grown up stuff. 

It's unreasonable to think she's going to get this overnight.

I for one think RG is up for the challenge of teaching her but that involves communicating.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks Mavish! That means a lot.

I'm just learning how to communicate with this woman. I feel a lot more confident in what I am writing and saying (when we talk).

Listen, but keep my boundaries firm and intact - don't put up with any foul language... And show NO negative emotions.

Talk less, do more. 

Basically, the complete opposite of everything I was taught.

Chip and Zillard, though the test keep coming... I do believe she is starting to trust me. Their is a BIT of a difference in how she's writing - not as off the handle as a month ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Decorum I think that message triggered you on a personal level. I don't see this sting. I see a woman who is trying to talk nicer but she's new at it. It's all in the perception. I'm objective because I'm not nor have I ever been in this situation.

Was there a dozen ways she could have said that nicer? Yes but again that's not realistic given who she is and where RG is with her.

Truthfully I give her credit given her past messages.

She practiced great restraint given RG's boundary regarding child care.

In the past she would have unleashed the fury and called him every other name in the book.

She's trying. Am I the only one that sees this?


----------



## Mavash.

One more thing she is trying to communicate HER version of what a dad is (aka enabler, caretaker, etc). That is her truth. You may not like it but that's how she views RG. It will take him communicating back to get her to see it isn't going to work that way.

Silence will of course work too yes but wouldn't it be easier just to send the two sentences and let her stew on HIS truth for a change?

Silence is a form of communication and I recommend that in this case only when she's behaving in a vile, name calling way. If she restrains herself she deserves a crumb. Crumb = two sentence response.


----------



## Lifescript

The way I see it is since she asked and didnt do it in a *****y way, RG's response was appropriate. Had she been spewing venom. Cold hard silence would have been the best answer.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavish, you're on this. 

She is communicating without the vile profanity when things don't go her way recently. She is still adding some type of blame in every exchange, but we'll get there together.

She also answered my phone call to D4 today. First time this week.

Mavash, from what you have observed in this thread... what can assess from her personality. She once claimed that only I and her mother can get her this riled up. I have seen her treating her siblings this way, but no one outside the circle.

I think Chip and you're right that we can teach each other how to go about this more effectively. You guys teaching me and I trickling it down to our relationship.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. ReGroup: What time will u be picking D4 up for this weekend?

RG: Saturday at 10 works for me. I have plans Sunday afternoon starting at 2. If you want to pick her up before hand, you can.

Mrs. RG: I have plans tomorrow evening. So you will need to arrange to pick her up tomorrow please. I will pick her up Sunday. 

RG: That's not ok with me.
--------------------------------
We usually do Saturdays and Sundays - I don't have a problem taking D4 on Fridays, but she says that "I need to make arrangements to pick her up"... It also would have been awesome with more notice as I could have made arrangements with my employer. 

Her time isn't more important than mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

She asked for a time. You answered with an exact time. So she countered. Possible attempt to recycle your previous Friday vs Saturday disagreement. 

She'll need to learn that you don't ask open-ended questions if you want a specific response.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Her time isn't more important than mine.


Not to say that you are wrong about that, but is it really about the relative value of her time vs. yours? After all, it's your daughter's time as well, and her time is also equally valuable.

If I were you, it would still bother me, but not because of the timing. It would bother me because...



ReGroup said:


> So you will need to arrange to pick her up tomorrow please.


...this is a command. Not a request. Not a suggestion. It's a demand. A command that she fully expects to be followed without question. It's an attempt to assert authority and dominance.

Remember Z's list of boundaries? Remember the one that says if X wants something from him, she has to ask... Preferably in a sentence that ends with a question mark?

THAT'S what you need here, RG.

Would it have been as bad had she said it like... "So can you arrange to pick her up tomorrow please?" ...instead?


Pb.


----------



## Mavash.

Another good phrase to use in situations like this is "that won't work for me."

Then since she said "please" I'd throw her another crumb by adding "It's too short notice to make arrangements with my employer. Next time I need at least 48 hours (or whatever works for you) notice on schedule changes".

You train people how to treat you. It's really not that difficult once you get the hang of it.


----------



## zillard

IC had a mantra for codependents. 

We won't do it unless we are asked. If asked we will consider it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Pb, if she asks instead of commanding then I'd assist (if its possible) in having D4 being picked up by a relative.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Pb, if she asks instead of commanding then I'd assist (if its possible) in having D4 being picked up by a relative.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Okay then tell her this.

"I'm not okay with being told what to do. I will consider requests for schedule changes only when I'm asked nicely."

Or some variation of this.


----------



## zillard

We can't expect others to respect our boundaries if we don't effectively communicate them.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Pb, if she asks instead of commanding then I'd assist (if its possible) in having D4 being picked up by a relative.


Exactly, but...

How does SHE know that? Is this a boundary that's been clearly expressed? Or are you hoping she'll respond in a particular way simply because you are acting in a certain "correct" manner?

You tell her "that's not okay with me", but what aren't you okay with? Short notice? Changing the schedule? Demanding, not asking? Spending extra time with your daughter?

For a moment, look at it from Mrs' point of view... You asked her to be flexible and accomodate your schedule, and she agreed. But when she asked (from her point of view, mind you) the same of you, you refused. You asked for less time with D on Sunday, and then wouldn't take extra time with her on Friday. From her perspective it probably looks like you are treating time with D as a burden, rather than a priveledge and a responsibilty.

I'm not saying she's right, here, but I can understand where she's coming from. Stick to your guns, but you might think about adjusting your strategy a little.


Pb.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Yes, you guys are right. I haven't communicated that boundary effectively yet.

I tried to add Friday's in our settlement a month ago but she said no - that it wasn't part of the weekend.

I need to find that fine line of azzho*e and not being her doormat - then not crossing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

It's not too late to take it back or change your answer.

You are free to change your mind any time you want to.

I'd still not be okay with the demand so if you do say yes to tomorrow tell her "next time" what you expect in as few words as possible.

"I didn't communicate very well and for that I'm sorry. I'm learning. I wasn't okay with being told what to do. I'll pick up D4 tomorrow but next time ask me nicely."


----------



## ReGroup

Done! Thanks Mavash.

Boundary set. I held myself accountable and feel great about it.

She responded with: You always talk to me like that and rarely give me a heads up and I always comply with no problem. I already "figured it out myself".

She's obviously not fond of it, but that's ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Gotta love words like "always" and "rarely". LOL

A correct use of the word is people are 'rarely' happy when you start setting boundaries if you've been previously enabling them.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I always comply with no problem.


That's her choice. If she has no boundaries there that isn't your problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Weekend is here...

"Friend" invited me to a party later tonight - taking D4. Lots of attractive women are to attend. Let's see if the single dad w/ cute daughter dynamic really draws women's attention.

Nothing to report on The Divorce Front, its almost time to send The PBartender Letter. Either she's gathering up more money or...?

Mrs. ReGroup isn't harping or hollering at me but she attempted to do it to my mother yesterday... "ReGroup isn't helping me as he should". Mth put up the good ole Stop Sign up and to quote, "that's none of my business. All request for accommodations for D4 MUST go through ReGroup".

Funny, she can't keep my name out of her mouth. 

I received 2 text from 2 different people with the same Katt Williams joke: If you are my ex, don't speak to my family and friends - they broke up with yo azz too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Great dynamics for tonight, RG. Cute D4, the only thing missing is a goofy Labrador.


----------



## ReGroup

Pick up just occurred.

Email Bully was absent today as well.

There was a lady standing with me outside, an acquaintance.

When Mrs. ReGroup headed towards us, I met her halfway to do the exchange.

The questions ensued:

Who is that?
Why is she looking over here?
Is that your girlfriend?
Is she going upstairs to your place?
Who is that?
Why don't you tell me?
Your jacket looks nice.
Why don't you talk to me about anything?

I said, "stop it... D4, give me a kiss and a hug - enjoy your day". 
The tables have turned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Pick up just occurred.
> 
> Email Bully was absent today as well.
> 
> There was a lady standing with me outside, an acquaintance.
> 
> When Mrs. ReGroup headed towards us, I met her halfway to do the exchange.
> 
> The questions ensued:
> 
> Who is that?
> Why is she looking over here?
> Is that your girlfriend?
> Is she going upstairs to your place?
> Who is that?
> Why don't you tell me?
> *Your jacket looks nice.*
> Why don't you talk to me about anything?
> 
> I said, "stop it... D4, give me a kiss and a hug - enjoy your day".
> The tables have turned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Geez! She can't stand it. 

I love it!


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Pick up just occurred.
> 
> Email Bully was absent today as well.
> 
> There was a lady standing with me outside, an acquaintance.
> 
> When Mrs. ReGroup headed towards us, I met her halfway to do the exchange.
> 
> The questions ensued:
> 
> Who is that?
> Why is she looking over here?
> Is that your girlfriend?
> Is she going upstairs to your place?
> Who is that?
> Why don't you tell me?
> Your jacket looks nice.
> Why don't you talk to me about anything?
> 
> I said, "stop it... D4, give me a kiss and a hug - enjoy your day".
> The tables have turned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL. 

Great! 

Mets not doing bad RG. World Series!?


----------



## ReGroup

Scrip,

I am not saying a word!

I am a notorious jinxer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

Mets Red Sox.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Pick up just occurred.
> 
> Email Bully was absent today as well.
> 
> There was a lady standing with me outside, an acquaintance.
> 
> When Mrs. ReGroup headed towards us, I met her halfway to do the exchange.
> 
> The questions ensued:
> 
> Who is that?
> Why is she looking over here?
> Is that your girlfriend?
> Is she going upstairs to your place?
> Who is that?
> Why don't you tell me?
> Your jacket looks nice.
> Why don't you talk to me about anything?
> 
> I said, "stop it... D4, give me a kiss and a hug - enjoy your day".
> The tables have turned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Next time... raise an eyebrow...

"You done?"


----------



## Lifescript

I hear you RG. I'm excited to see Harvey pitch tomorrow. The kid is a stud! 

BW,

You a Red Sox fan?


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hi, Script, yeah, life-long Red Sox fan, you know the drill, my hatred for the Yankees is deeply personal, Mets okay, hard to hate them as much.


----------



## Lifescript

Red Sox are my B team. If the Mets are not in it, I root for them. Middlebrooks looks like a rising star. 

I h.a.t.e. the Yankees!


----------



## Bullwinkle

That's one of the things I like about the Mets and their fans - they hate the Yankees as much as we do. 

Hey, RG, Insane wives, NYY haters, it's a bond.


----------



## tom67

Yankees have gotten old in a hurry, 90 wins at best. Got the mlb online package I'll watch pretty much any game. Oh white sox in dc for a couple that should be good.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Bullwinkle said:


> That's one of the things I like about the Mets and their fans - they hate the Yankees as much as we do.
> 
> Hey, RG, Insane wives, NYY haters, it's a bond.


It's because they share two undeniable traits: cheating and greed.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



tom67 said:


> Yankees have gotten old in a hurry, 90 wins at best. Got the mlb online package I'll watch pretty much any game. Oh white sox in dc for a couple that should be good.


The A-ROD contract will go down in history as the worst ever. They need young players badly.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> The A-ROD contract will go down in history as the worst ever. They need young players badly.


They forgot why they were so dominant when Jeter was a rookie.

Bernie Williams, Jeter, Rivera, and Posada were all home grown.

Bob Watson built their farm system when he came over from the Astros. He's simply one of the best.


----------



## Lifescript

True. They have nothing coming from the minors. It's a good time to be a Mets fan. Time to retake the city!


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> True. They have nothing coming from the minors. It's a good time to be a Mets fan. Time to retake the city!


It's been awhile.


----------



## Lifescript

Too long.


----------



## ReGroup

I hate The Yankees with a passion. 

It gives me an unhealthy pleasure when they lose. 

Most of my friends are Yankees and Phillies fans so I have been walking with my head down for the past few years. 

We of course don't have the greatest owner's on the planet and that will make things difficult when it comes to stability.

I'm liking the farm system though - their is some light! Let me shut up.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I hate The Yankees with a passion.
> 
> It gives me an unhealthy pleasure when they lose.
> 
> Most of my friends are Yankees and Phillies fans so I have been walking with my head down for the past few years.
> 
> We of course don't have the greatest owner's on the planet and that will make things difficult when it comes to stability.
> 
> I'm liking the farm system though - their is some light! Let me shut up.


How many more years does Wilpon have to pay Bobby Bonilla?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> How many more years does Wilpon have to pay Bobby Bonilla?


And the abuse keeps coming... Never expected this from you Chip. I thought we were buddies!


----------



## ReGroup

"I dont think you need to be so rude and short with me...god forbid I need help from you, I can only imagine....I was inquiring about something important but I will include it on mine."

I had just told her to "speak to your accountant"... 

So fragile. I always walked on egg shells because of this. I didn't want to set her off. I always got the "why are you being so short with me"... I didn't even know what "being short" was till I met her.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

At the risk of beating that dead horse again, I SWEAR we are married to the same woman. Mine will give me twenty minutes of yelling and then if I say anything back, I am being short.


----------



## Conrad

Bullwinkle said:


> RG
> 
> At the risk of beating that dead horse again, I SWEAR we are married to the same woman. Mine will give me twenty minutes of yelling and then if I say anything back, I am being short.


"I'm not ok with raised voices"


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Bullwinkle said:


> RG
> 
> At the risk of beating that dead horse again, I SWEAR we are married to the same woman. Mine will give me twenty minutes of yelling and then if I say anything back, I am being short.


Why are you letting her go on for 20 mins!!!?


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> Why are you letting her go on for 20 mins!!!?


I have been guilty of this. Many times. I would look at her like she's crazy... I have very high tolerance for it: Yelling, Cursing, etc...

But the minute I said something inappropriate - it would be DEFCON 3. 

Never again.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I have been guilty of this. Many times. I would look at her like she's crazy... I have very high tolerance for it: Yelling, Cursing, etc...
> 
> But the minute I said something inappropriate - it would be DEFCON 3.
> 
> Never again.


I'm not ok with raised voices. If it continues, you leave the room - and the house.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

We teach others how to treat us.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I have been guilty of this. Many times. I would look at her like she's crazy... I have very high tolerance for it: Yelling, Cursing, etc...
> 
> But the minute I said something inappropriate - it would be DEFCON 3.
> 
> Never again.


Will any woman respect a man that lets her carry on like that - in his face - for 20 minutes, or more?


----------



## ReGroup

NONE. It's why it will never happen again. 

It's the main reason, I am so glad that I held off getting into another relationship - the same events would have repeated with another person. 

With your help, I am understanding what's appropriate and if it isn't - how best to deal with them.


----------



## ReGroup

Well, seems like we are moving full steam ahead with this:

Mrs. ReGroup: Hi, 


Being that I have adjusted the support payment to what you want to pay and we are in agreement of 50% of medical, dental. And 50% of after care/day care while I am working, how should we handle this? 

RG: Day/After Care will only apply If you are working.

If you pick up a job over the Summer I would like some sort of proof that you're indeed working: hours and days.

Mrs. RG: of course...I understand
can we begin the after care spit this month?

RG: I'd like to see the amended settlement offer.
Once I review it and sign off; we can proceed.

Mrs. RG: Thats not really fair...Im not asking for past funding, which I am told that I have the right to ask for because thats the law, I am asking if we can begin doing it this month....
I am waiting for the revision. what are we negotiating? I thought you asked for the first 3 weekends? Would you like to re negotiate and go with every other weekend?

RG: If you feel its unfair, have your attorney bring it to my attention.

According to your testimony on 03/27/2013, the papers were already completed.

I am not ok paying w/o the settlement being reviewed.

In regards to negotiations... I meant that we could choose the 3 of the 4 weekends that D4 will be with me. The communication doesn't have to occur only via that site, but we can use it to mark down the weekends in advance.

Mrs. ReGroup: you are being so wrong on so many levels, asking me for proof for things, telling me to contact your nonexistent lawyer...you are a complete stranger to me...my feelings for you have completely been altered in this entire process. At least you know Im still the same person, even if my antics and words and retaliations are wrong..Im still being the same....you're just plain mean.

RG: I see things differently. I am only protecting my rights. 

Mrs. RG: Im not tying, nor have I tried to screw you over....and no you are not just "trying to protect your rights." you are being rude and mean to me. and you know it. How you act, how you speak to me, everything...it is incredible to see you or talk to you and feel like I never even knew you, because I dont know who you are anymore. You're not even cool...you're just plain nasty to me.

RG: You done?
--------------------------------------------------------------- 
I am only protecting my rights. <------------- I guess that can be taken as me explaining myself. Right?

And yes... you did try to screw me over with that first proposal. She even mocked my lawyer by saying, "What Law School did he attend".


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> my antics and words and retaliations are wrong.


Did you ever think you'd hear this? Not accepting her anger dumps have got her looking inward. A little bit at a time.


----------



## ReGroup

I noticed that Z... Great Catch.

_"How you act, how you speak to me, everything...it is incredible to see you or talk to you and feel like I never even knew you, because I dont know who you are anymore. You're not even cool...you're just plain nasty to me."_

She's asking for Doormat ReGroup. He isn't coming back.

And no, I am not NASTY to her.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Well, seems like we are moving full steam ahead with this:
> 
> Mrs. ReGroup: Hi,
> 
> 
> Being that I have adjusted the support payment to what you want to pay and we are in agreement of 50% of medical, dental. And 50% of after care/day care while I am working, how should we handle this?
> 
> RG: Day/After Care will only apply If you are working.
> 
> If you pick up a job over the Summer I would like some sort of proof that you're indeed working: hours and days.
> 
> Mrs. RG: of course...I understand
> can we begin the after care spit this month?
> 
> RG: I'd like to see the amended settlement offer.
> Once I review it and sign off; we can proceed.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Thats not really fair...Im not asking for past funding, which I am told that I have the right to ask for because thats the law, I am asking if we can begin doing it this month....
> I am waiting for the revision. what are we negotiating? I thought you asked for the first 3 weekends? Would you like to re negotiate and go with every other weekend?
> 
> RG: If you feel its unfair, have your attorney bring it to my attention.
> 
> According to your testimony on 03/27/2013, the papers were already completed.
> 
> I am not ok paying w/o the settlement being reviewed.
> 
> In regards to negotiations... I meant that we could choose the 3 of the 4 weekends that D4 will be with me. The communication doesn't have to occur only via that site, but we can use it to mark down the weekends in advance.
> 
> Mrs. ReGroup: you are being so wrong on so many levels, asking me for proof for things, telling me to contact your nonexistent lawyer...you are a complete stranger to me...my feelings for you have completely been altered in this entire process. At least you know Im still the same person, even if my antics and words and retaliations are wrong..Im still being the same....you're just plain mean.
> 
> RG: I see things differently. I am only protecting my rights.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Im not tying, nor have I tried to screw you over....and no you are not just "trying to protect your rights." you are being rude and mean to me. and you know it. How you act, how you speak to me, everything...it is incredible to see you or talk to you and feel like I never even knew you, because I dont know who you are anymore. You're not even cool...you're just plain nasty to me.
> 
> RG: You done?
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> I am only protecting my rights. <------------- I guess that can be taken as me explaining myself. Right?
> 
> And yes... you did try to screw me over with that first proposal. She even mocked my lawyer by saying, "What Law School did he attend".


Just a little bit of explanation.

Otherwise, perfect.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> my antics and words and retaliations are wrong.





ReGroup said:


> I dont know who you are anymore. You're not even cool...you're just plain nasty to me


projecting 101


----------



## Bullwinkle

Doormat RG is not coming back. Good line, RG. And maybe it's just me but I like the hurt tone in her voice. You have denied her her favorite doormat.


----------



## Lifescript

Reading this I noticed the same thing Z pointed out. She's at least recognizing some faults but she's still on full attack mode. 

Why are you so mean to her RG!!!?


----------



## ReGroup

Bullwinkle said:


> And maybe it's just me but I like the hurt tone in her voice. You have denied her her favorite doormat.


Winkle, we married the same woman. Your victories are mine and vise a versa. 

I have put The Fixer in me in a cell and tossed the key in the Hudson River.


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> Reading this I noticed the same thing Z pointed out. She's at least recognizing some faults but she's still on full attack mode.
> 
> Why are you so mean to her RG!!!?


:rofl:

She'll keep them coming... We got this :smthumbup:!


----------



## Conrad

Just as an aside....

A woman who takes up with posOM - expecting her codependent doormat husband to pay her way while she parties...

NOW says she "doesn't know who HE is anymore"

That's some pretty good stuff.


----------



## ReGroup

The purpose of that conversation was ALL about me paying a little extra for AfterCare. 

The amended version of the settlement could be written in 15 minutes - it's about 4 lines.

She thinks she's smarter than everyone else - when manipulation doesn't work she uses threats, tantrums, etc...

Only she's not budging me anymore. And it feels good. She has no other way to respond... its why she has stopped emailing after "you done?"


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> The purpose of that conversation was ALL about me paying a little extra for AfterCare.
> 
> The amended version of the settlement could be written in 15 minutes - it's about 4 lines.
> 
> She thinks she's smarter than everyone else - when manipulation doesn't work she uses threats, tantrums, etc...
> 
> Only she's not budging me anymore. And it feels good. She has no other way to respond... its why she has stopped emailing after "you done?"


She must have been boiling with "you done?" classic.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> Just as an aside....
> 
> A woman who takes up with posOM - expecting her codependent doormat husband to pay her way while she parties...
> 
> NOW says she "doesn't know who HE is anymore"
> 
> That's some pretty good stuff.


:iagree: She likely hates that she likes this new RG, meanwhile can't look in the mirror. 

I got this one when I started throwing up boundaries:

X - I've seen a whole new side of you. And I don't like it at all! Angry and vindictive. 

Z - If I was going to get back at you... things would be MUCH different.


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> :iagree: She likely hates that she likes this new RG, meanwhile can't look in the mirror.
> 
> I got this one when I started throwing up boundaries:
> 
> X - I've seen a whole new side of you. And I don't like it at all! Angry and vindictive.
> 
> Z - If I was going to get back at you... things would be MUCH different.


I'm telling you Z, you're the leader of the brigade. I was in SHOCK when you started changing your approach and how X started responding slowly. 

Great Stuff


----------



## ReGroup

An amended sample was just sent

4. Child Support: The defendant shall pay for the support of the minor child herein the amount of one hundred ninety dollars (Exhibit A) weekly. Additionally, pursuant to the Parties’ respective reported annual salaries, each Party will be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed educational/day care, medical, dental, mental health and optical expenses. Each Party acknowledges that they have been advised of and understand Domestic Relations Law Section 240 §1-b. Each Party acknowledges that child support payable pursuant to the Child Support Standards Act would amount presumptively to (Exhibit A x 52) per annum, and that child support as provided for in this Agreement is not a deviation therefrom. A child support worksheet is annexed hereto as “Exhibit A.”

I multiplied Exhibit A by 52 and the amounts were way off... is this a hack job???
Then, the language didn't even change from the previous sample where it indicates that SHE must be working for me to be liable for daycare in The Summer.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> An amended sample was just sent
> 
> 4. Child Support: The defendant shall pay for the support of the minor child herein the amount of one hundred ninety dollars (Exhibit A) weekly. Additionally, pursuant to the Parties’ respective reported annual salaries, each Party will be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed educational/day care, medical, dental, mental health and optical expenses. Each Party acknowledges that they have been advised of and understand Domestic Relations Law Section 240 §1-b. Each Party acknowledges that child support payable pursuant to the Child Support Standards Act would amount presumptively to (Exhibit A x 52) per annum, and that child support as provided for in this Agreement is not a deviation therefrom. A child support worksheet is annexed hereto as “Exhibit A.”
> 
> I multiplied Exhibit A by 52 and the amounts were way off... is this a hack job???
> Then, the language didn't even change from the previous sample where it indicates that SHE must be working for me to be liable for daycare in The Summer.


These are lawyer questions.


----------



## ReGroup

I think she's writing her own modifications.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I think she's writing her own modifications.


Anything to put one past you.


----------



## ReGroup

RG: Can you please advise your attorney to try and multiply xxx by 52 again... he'll come up with a different yearly sum.

Additionally, the language "each Party will be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed educational/day care" must change.

Those are amongst a few mistakes I found. 

Mrs. RG: Change to what?
-------------------------------------------------------
This is ridiculous. 

What do you suggest Chip?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> RG: Can you please advise your attorney to try and multiply xxx by 52 again... he'll come up with a different yearly sum.
> 
> Additionally, the language "each Party will be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed educational/day care" must change.
> 
> Those are amongst a few mistakes I found.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Change to what?
> -------------------------------------------------------
> This is ridiculous.
> 
> What do you suggest Chip?


Give it to your attorney and have him fill in hard numbers.

Drop it on them and tell her it's final.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. ReGroup: You should try talking nicer to me. You demand that from me. Why do you get to talk down to me and act however you want?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup: You should try talking nicer to me. You demand that from me. Why do you get to talk down to me and act however you want?


I'm sorry you feel that way.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, 

When her head explodes... her PosOM is going to look at me and I'm going to tell him, "I had nothing to do with it... their is this guy from Missouri who drove her to the psych ward".


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> When her head explodes... her PosOM is going to look at me and I'm going to tell him, "I had nothing to do with it... their is this guy from Missouri who drove her to the psych ward".


There's an old phrase, "Missouri Mule"

I think it applies.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup: You should try talking nicer to me. You demand that from me. Why do you get to talk down to me and act however you want?


Okay I'll try. Will you please forward the modification to attorney.

Thank you.


----------



## ReGroup

I think I said it a few weeks ago - I won't be surprised by anything when it comes to this situation.

She tried to amend the papers herself in anger!

+/- 125 pages for this thread?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I think I said it a few weeks ago - I won't be surprised by anything when it comes to this situation.
> 
> She tried to amend the papers herself in anger!
> 
> +/- 125 pages for this thread?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Methinks the girl's a bit frustrated


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I think I said it a few weeks ago - I won't be surprised by anything when it comes to this situation.
> 
> She tried to amend the papers herself in anger!
> 
> +/- 125 pages for this thread?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That was so.....weeks ago. 

She can't keep up with her tantrums. They blow in the wind based on how much of her is in the victim chair at the moment. 

The answer of course is to repeat, repeat, repeat but be NICE about it. Lol


----------



## Tron

ReGroup said:


> An amended sample was just sent
> 
> 4. Child Support: The defendant shall pay for the support of the minor child herein the amount of one hundred ninety dollars (Exhibit A) weekly. Additionally, pursuant to the Parties’ respective reported annual salaries, each Party will be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed educational/day care, medical, dental, mental health and optical expenses.[/U] Each Party acknowledges that they have been advised of and understand Domestic Relations Law Section 240 §1-b. Each Party acknowledges that child support payable pursuant to the Child Support Standards Act would amount presumptively to (Exhibit A x 52) per annum, and that child support as provided for in this Agreement is not a deviation therefrom. A child support worksheet is annexed hereto as “Exhibit A.”
> 
> I multiplied Exhibit A by 52 and the amounts were way off... is this a hack job???
> Then, the language didn't even change from the previous sample where it indicates that SHE must be working for me to be liable for daycare in The Summer.


Here you go RG. I offered up a couple of changes to run by your lawyer:

"4. Child Support: The defendant shall pay for the support of the minor child herein the amount of one hundred ninety dollars (Exhibit A) weekly. Additionally, pursuant to the Parties’ respective reported annual salaries, each Party will be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed medical, dental, mental health and optical expenses. If both parties are gainfully employed during scheduled school holidays and vacations each party shall be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed educational and day-care expenses. Each Party acknowledges that they..."

I think with this kind of language you prevent her from just volunteering someplace for nothing but grins and sticking you with a bill. You also definitely need to run the numbers by your lawyer.


----------



## ReGroup

I wish I had never read War Stories...

I can't believe she thinks I have been mean and rude to her. She acknowledges some of her misgivings and we applaud her for that... But then goes back to blaming and really believing it.

This is a sick joke.

I know The Titans can laugh - but I am not centered yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Come on RG it's funny. Can't you see the humor in it? Shes saying you're mean and rude to manipulate not because its TRUE.

Oldest trick in the book. 

Don't fall for it.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I wish I had never read War Stories...
> 
> I can't believe she thinks I have been mean and rude to her. She acknowledges some of her misgivings and we applaud her for that... But then goes back to blaming and really believing it.
> 
> This is a sick joke.
> 
> I know The Titans can laugh - but I am not centered yet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're forgetting the key part.

Someone as entitled and angry as she is DOES NOT believe what comes out of her mouth.

It's designed to get a response from you.

To digress....

Why did Frostine tell Brother Bullwinkle she was banging the Leprechaun for a promised promotion?

(So he would detonate - which he did - which made her feel better to dump her anger on someone who "deserved it")

Why did Frostine make up the elaborate lie about getting tested for AIDS and accuse Brother Bullwinkle of unfaithfulness?

(So he would detonate - which he did - which made her feel better to dump her anger on someone who "deserved it")

You get the idea?

War Stories do not apply to actively angry spouses.

They apply to those looking to get right with themselves and reconcile.

Never forget the difference.


----------



## Conrad

When you hook up with Lifescript, ask him if his wife believes 80% of what she says when angry?


----------



## Mavash.

I have a personal theory that says 90% of the time when someone is angry it has little to do with the person they aim it at. In general people are angry with themselves, their parents or someone else who has legitimately hurt them (like a cheater).

Most of us don't go around pissing people off intentionally. The emotion is related to a trigger and is therefore unrelated to the present. Anger is for example a side affect of too many #3's but that's our fault not the other persons.

But they sure want to pin it on you.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> I have a personal theory that says 90% of the time when someone is angry it has little to do with the person they aim it at. In general people are angry with themselves, their parents or someone else who has legitimately hurt them (like a cheater).
> 
> Most of us don't go around pissing people off intentionally. The emotion is related to a trigger and is therefore unrelated to the present. Anger is for example a side affect of too many #3's but that's our fault not the other persons.
> 
> But they sure want to pin it on you.


Not to mention the IQ drop while angry.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Come on RG it's funny. Can't you see the humor in it? Shes saying you're mean and rude to manipulate not because its TRUE.
> 
> Oldest trick in the book.
> 
> Don't fall for it.


It's funny when you think about how frustrated she must be that her old little tricks are not working anymore. It's not so much that she thinks you are mean, it's that she wants to bait you into believing you are. Used to work 100% before. 

Again, RG why are you so mean to Mrs. RG, why!!?


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> When you hook up with Lifescript, ask him if his wife believes 80% of what she says when angry?


They don't. It's all anger.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. ReGroup: Can you please advise what you want changed? 

RG: It should read something like this - you can give Mr. xxxxx this example if he needs it:
(I sent her TRON's example from yesterday.) 

Thanks TRON 

Additionally, didn't we agree to a xxxK Life Insurance Policy? That section was poorly written and very unclear. 
The math was wrong on the first proposal and yesterday's revision.
Their are more mistakes found... but that's Mr. xxxxx's job to correct.
Ask your attorney to pay more attention to these matters and to be professional.

Mrs. RG: 4. (Tron's Child Support Section Quoted Here)
I dont understand what you mean by this, it is unclear? 
I thought you said xxxK was too much...

RG: That's an example... not to be written verbatim on the settlement - a guideline.

Is he having issues writing this?

I never said xxxK was too much.

Mrs. RG: but I dont understand what exactly you are trying to say or want...
_You were sent a revision not the final stipulation..._

:scratchhead:

It's obvious she's writing this thing on her own.
I'll leave things where they are and when she decides to get serious - we'll get serious.

It's been indicated a few times VERY CLEARY what I want... and she's still asking: I don't understand what exactly you are trying to say or want. :scratchhead:


----------



## Tron

The proposed revision seems clear to me, but after another look I think maybe you need to add the verbiage in italics: ...If both parties are gainfully employed during scheduled school holidays and vacations, each party shall be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed educational and day-care expenses _incurred during that time_. 

I don't think you can make it any more crystal clear than that. With or without the revision, it isn't confusing. Conrad has been hinting at this for a couple of days, but do you think she might be fishing for a sit-down face-to-face with you?


----------



## Mavash.

I think it's nuts to discuss intricate, financial details of a divorce via email.

She sounds genuinely confused.

Have you considered mediation?

You have enough Jedi skills for a face to face alone but do you want to do that?

Either way I'd stop discussing this via email just be sure to tell her that.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I think it's nuts to discuss intricate, financial details of a divorce via email.
> 
> She sounds genuinely confused.
> 
> Have you considered mediation?
> 
> You have enough Jedi skills for a face to face alone but do you want to do that?
> 
> Either way I'd stop discussing this via email just be sure to tell her that.


I can do a face to face and hold my own.

NYC's child support formula is basic: 17pct... If she works over The Summer - I pay half of daycare. If she doesn't and she puts D4 in daycare - I don't pay for it.

Life Insurance, not really an issue. Parenting Plan... Done.
No assets, pensions, etc... 

My lawyer looked at our case and said: You really don't need me. It's that simple. No mediation needed.

Yet, here we are.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I can do a face to face and hold my own.
> 
> NYC's child support formula is basic: 17pct... If she works over The Summer - I pay half of daycare. If she doesn't and she puts D4 in daycare - I don't pay for it.
> 
> Life Insurance, not really an issue. Parenting Plan... Done.
> No assets, pensions, etc...
> 
> My lawyer looked at our case and said: You really don't need me. It's that simple. No mediation needed.
> 
> Yet, here we are.


What about when she looks at ReGroup Version 2 and asks why we're doing this?


----------



## Tron

Mavash. said:


> I think it's nuts to discuss intricate, financial details of a divorce via email.
> 
> She sounds genuinely confused.
> 
> Have you considered mediation?
> 
> You have enough Jedi skills for a face to face alone but do you want to do that?
> 
> Either way I'd stop discussing this via email just be sure to tell her that.


I don't know Ms RG or how astute she is, but if this is the only thing holding up a perfectly good divorce settlement, mediation would be a foolish waste of money. This is an issue that can be taken care of in less than 5 minutes. But, I would make sure you have the numbers right before you go...


----------



## Mavash.

Tron said:


> I don't know Ms RG or how astute she is, but if this is the only thing holding up a perfectly good divorce settlement, mediation would be a foolish waste of money. This is an issue that can be taken care of in less than 5 minutes. But, I would make sure you have the numbers right before you go...


See I don't know either. She sounds like a child to me which means she needs some tutoring in how to get divorced. 
RG needs to not only have the right numbers but keep it simple.

Visual aids would help as well. 

And even then she still may not DO anything stuck in magical thinking with who knows what in her head.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, Mav, Tron...

It's extremely difficult. 

I just got off the phone with her and D4. She initially got on the phone telling me that D4 was eating and would call me back... I clarified the email for her, when she heard what she didn't want to hear... she raised her voice: FINE, I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU ON THAT!... said a few other things that I can't recall... and hung up. 

Didn't even have time to give her a: I'm not ok with...

I'll leave it where it is. I know my rights and ready to fight tooth and nail.


----------



## ReGroup

This was the email exchange prior to the phone call:

Mrs. RG: what do you want the verbage to be for that section...it is inclear...?

RG: If both parties are gain fully employed during school aftercare, scheduled school holidays and vacations each party shall be responsible for one half of all non-reimbursed educational and day-care expenses.

Meaning: If you are working during after care or Summer Vacation... We go pro rated rate.

If you are not working and put D4 into daycare I will not share the cost.

Ask Mr. xxxx or who ever is writing this, that I'd like the language to be detailed: Plaintiff is responsible for providing work schedule, receipts, etc... For all transactions.

Mrs RG: Ok so we are going half on school tuition and aftercare (in addition to the $xxx weekly) when I am working and you want proof of this. Got it.

RG: No, tuition does not factor in. Aftercare only.

As my lawyer put it, private school is optional... That will have to come from the 17pct.*

Needless to say, she's angry about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> when she heard what she didn't want to hear... she raised her voice: FINE, I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU ON THAT!


Okay so now we know she UNDERSTANDS.

Check.

Good job RG. 

BTW the best response would have been to simply say "thank you".


----------



## Lifescript

I don't know. I think she's acting dumb.


----------



## ReGroup

Or, an Entitlement Monster I helped create.

She thought everything was going to go her way... She read my emails and kept overlooking certain items (I am not even sure if it was on purpose) and assumed it was going to be as she had hoped. No. 

Wipe your feet some where else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> She read my emails and kept overlooking certain items


I'm fascinated the way the brain works. It has been proven that yes humans in their quest to believe what they want to believe will absolutely reject information that it doesn't want to see. The brain's job is to protect us from pain.

It's how affairs go unnoticed for years, it's how we miss social cues, and it's how we overlook items in an email that we don't like. 

I'm also fond of sayings and how they originate. The one that comes to mind in this case is "take your blinders off" or maybe "blindsided".

Mrs. RG still has her blinders on.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I'm fascinated the way the brain works. It has been proven that yes humans in their quest to believe what they want to believe will absolutely reject information that it doesn't want to see. The brain's job is to protect us from pain.
> 
> It's how affairs go unnoticed for years, it's how we miss social cues, and it's how we overlook items in an email that we don't like.
> 
> I'm also fond of sayings and how they originate. The one that comes to mind in this case is "take your blinders off" or maybe "blindsided".
> 
> Mrs. RG still has her blinders on.


And, when DeMello wakes us up?

We suddenly see it all.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip,

We haven't discussed DM since you asked me to read it in Feb... But we'll get to that - I have many questions and revelations to share. I carry that damn PDF every where I go.

I am not completely awake though - many parts of me wants to stay in The Matrix and zombie my way through life.

Mav, I now realize Mrs. ReGroup has no intention of taking them off...

I'll still be married in the Fall of this year... Let's see where this leads, stranger things have happened.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> BTW the best response would have been to simply say "thank you".


I think, "I didn't expect you to," would be a close second.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> We haven't discussed DM since you asked me to read it in Feb... But we'll get to that - I have many questions and revelations to share. I carry that damn PDF every where I go.
> 
> I am not completely awake though - many parts of me wants to stay in The Matrix and zombie my way through life.
> 
> Mav, I now realize Mrs. ReGroup has no intention of taking them off...
> 
> I'll still be married in the Fall of this year... Let's see where this leads, stranger things have happened.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are climbing the respect ladder.

From your perch, you will eventually be able to demand that posOM hit the road - NOW... if that's what you choose to do.

Of course, that's only necessary if you want to resume a new more entertaining marriage.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, 

You're a trip. Let's see where this goes.

Mrs. ReGroup: I would like to include that when D4 needs daycare you are to help me secure daycare.

I think it's time for PBartender's "100% your responsibility" quote.


----------



## Mavash.

Doesn't matter if she ever takes them off. I'm surrounded by people in various stages of sleep. DeMello says don't wake the sleeping people and I totally get that now. I just nod and agree with the delusions people are living under. And if it affects me I deal with it. While I'd love to help them ultimately I realize I can't. Unless they themselves seek it out there is little I can do beyond sticking to my own boundaries wrapped in love.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> You're a trip. Let's see where this goes.
> 
> Mrs. ReGroup: I would like to include that when D4 needs daycare you are to help me secure daycare.
> 
> I think it's time for PBartender's "100% your responsibility" quote.


Smart lady. I'm impressed actually. She's stating a want and is doing it respectfully. This is called negotiations.

Doesn't mean she's gonna get it though. Lol

I'd answer with I'm okay with.....and leave it at that.


----------



## ReGroup

Ready to send: That does not work for me. I'm 100% responsible for child care arrangements when she's in my care. You are 100% responsible for childcare when she is in your care.


----------



## Mavash.

I have a different answer in mind....give me a minute.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Doesn't matter if she ever takes them off. I'm surrounded by people in various stages of sleep. DeMello says don't wake the sleeping people and I totally get that now. I just nod and agree with the delusions people are living under. And if it affects me I deal with it. While I'd love to help them ultimately I realize I can't. Unless they themselves seek it out there is little I can do beyond sticking to my own boundaries wrapped in love.


You wouldn't help a loved one wake up? A hint or suggestion a book or something?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup: I would like to include that when D4 needs daycare you are to help me secure daycare.


I will help you screen sitters, daycare facilities, and will help you choose where D4 goes. I will not however help you secure daycare on your days. That's your responsibility.


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> You wouldn't help a loved one wake up? A hint or suggestion a book or something?


I used to but not anymore. I have chosen to love people as they are.

The irony is now I'm sought out for advice because I no longer wish to change anyone.

Weird how that works.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks Mavash!

Exceptional... not brunt, but more effective. 

It demonstrates my interest in the life of my child, but the responsibility falls on her.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> I used to but not anymore. I have chosen to love people as they are.
> 
> The irony is now I'm sought out for advice because I no longer wish to change anyone.
> 
> Weird how that works.


I know. Weird. 

I'm facing this with my brother. He has low self esteem, depression and a bunch of other problems. He can't hold a job. He has gotten fired from two jobs since the start of the year. My mother leaving us when we were young affectef him a lot. Also, she put him down a lot. He refuses to get help. It's an epidemic.


----------



## Mavash.

The formula for telling someone no is:

1). Tell them no.

2). Tell them what you are willing to do.

3). Tell them what you want "next time". Not applicable in this case.

I messed up the order on the reply btw. The no should come first then tell her you will be an involved dad.

I won't help you secure daycare on your days. I will help you screen sitters, blah, blah...


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> I know. Weird.
> 
> I'm facing this with my brother. He has low self esteem, depression and a bunch of other problems. He can't hold a job. He has gotten fired from two jobs since the start of the year. My mother leaving us when we were young affectef him a lot. Also, she put him down a lot. He refuses to get help. It's an epidemic.


My sister watched me heal and she sought therapy at the same place as me. She quit when it got too hard. I have a heart for her but she is toxic. I have to keep strong boundaries with her. My whole family is messed up. I'm one of the few that escaped.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I will help you screen sitters, daycare facilities, and will help you choose where D4 goes. I will not however help you secure daycare on your days. That's your responsibility.


Direct hit


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Doesn't matter if she ever takes them off. I'm surrounded by people in various stages of sleep. DeMello says don't wake the sleeping people and I totally get that now. I just nod and agree with the delusions people are living under. And if it affects me I deal with it. While I'd love to help them ultimately I realize I can't. Unless they themselves seek it out there is little I can do beyond sticking to my own boundaries wrapped in love.


Oh, this is so so right.


----------



## Chuck71

Mavash=Morpheus


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks to Mavesh, Mrs. ReGroup is under the impression that D4 doesn't have a father on "her" days. 

Mavesh, you've made an enemy out of her. 

They'll see what they want to see... regardless, she'll have to own it. 

Mrs. ReGroup enlisted D4 into a fabulous reading program. I have agreed to share the cost. 

Only problem, it runs for 5 weeks on Saturdays this coming Summer. RG has D4 on 3 of those 5 weeks; Mrs. RG wants to take D4 on all 5 occasions... 

"That does not work for me. I'll gladly take her on my time"...

Mrs. RG: I don't trust that you will make it on time or even make it there. The program starts at 830am on Saturday mornings.

RG: I'm sorry you feel that way.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: ReGroup I am trying to help you out by saying we can meet after at 10 am because that's when u sometimes see her or later. That's all. You don't care about anything but wanting to fight w me. 

RG: Not acceptable. I'll take her on "my" days.

Mrs. RG: The dates are July 27th to August 24th. 

Mrs. RG: IM NOT TRYING TO FIGHT YOU ON THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WAS SIMPLY EXPLAINING MY VIEW!

RG: I'm not ok with caps or exclamation points. You're entitled to your views, feelings and opinions... You expressed your view earlier today; I gave you my response... drop it.

LOL... one would think we were still a couple.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: ReGroup I am trying to help you out by saying we can meet after at 10 am because that's when u sometimes see her or later. That's all. You don't care about anything but wanting to fight w me.
> 
> RG: Not acceptable. I'll take her on "my" days.
> 
> Mrs. RG: The dates are July 27th to August 24th.
> 
> Mrs. RG: IM NOT TRYING TO FIGHT YOU ON THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> I WAS SIMPLY EXPLAINING MY VIEW!
> 
> RG: I'm not ok with caps or exclamation points. You're entitled to your views, feelings and opinions... You expressed your view earlier today; I gave you my response... drop it.
> 
> LOL... one would think we were still a couple.


Give it time.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Im not ok with your immaturity...you have truly shown your cards and you are a terrible person..I cannot believe I even loved someone like you who is capable of doing*everything*that you have been doing and believe you *me, you know that I know, EXACTLY what you are doing and how you are doing everything...you (unlike me) are not spontaneous and impulsive, you are cold, and calculated and you know exactly what to say and you are doing it with precision and execution. This is a game to you....you have always been a mind f*cker with me and have always tried to play with my head and manipulate me...I know what you are doing and it is truly despicable... 
Dont bother writing back and saying what you're not ok with or that you are "sorry" I feel that way...because you are not...
Not once have you said, please Mrs. RG, I love, this is killing me, dont go through with this, nothing...you have shown me nothing but grief and pure hatred of me trying to talk crap about me, turning people against me, poisoning your family's thoughts about me...you have not done one*gentlemanly*or mature thing in*regards*to this, you havent even shown me one ounce of positive emotion except trying to push me down and "punish me" or "make me suffer"*
There continues to be NO positive communication, (which was a hallmark of our*relationship) and obviously there still*isn't...

WTF
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Im not ok with your immaturity...you have truly shown your cards and you are a terrible person..I cannot believe I even loved someone like you who is capable of doing*everything*that you have been doing and believe you *me, you know that I know, EXACTLY what you are doing and how you are doing everything...you (unlike me) are not spontaneous and impulsive, you are cold, and calculated and you know exactly what to say and you are doing it with precision and execution. This is a game to you....you have always been a mind f*cker with me and have always tried to play with my head and manipulate me...I know what you are doing and it is truly despicable...
> Dont bother writing back and saying what you're not ok with or that you are "sorry" I feel that way...because you are not...
> Not once have you said, please Mrs. RG, I love, this is killing me, dont go through with this, nothing...you have shown me nothing but grief and pure hatred of me trying to talk crap about me, turning people against me, poisoning your family's thoughts about me...you have not done one*gentlemanly*or mature thing in*regards*to this, you havent even shown me one ounce of positive emotion except trying to push me down and "punish me" or "make me suffer"*
> There continues to be NO positive communication, (which was a hallmark of our*relationship) and obviously there still*isn't...
> 
> WTF
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well...She said not to respond. So don't. 


By positive communication she means you used to do what you were told.


----------



## Mavash.

I had a whole post but it got eaten. I'm going to wait until I'm back at the computer so I can type more.

I have lots to say about this communication and suggestions for you.

This follows the script of angry women and I think it's positive.

She wants you to chase but don't you dare.

It must be HER idea and it will be if you keep on this path.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I had a whole post but it got eaten. I'm going to wait until I'm back at the computer so I can type more.
> 
> I have lots to say about this communication and suggestions for you.
> 
> This follows the script of angry women and I think it's positive.
> 
> She wants you to chase but don't you dare.
> 
> It must be HER idea and it will be if you keep on this path.


If you doesn't order a HIT on me first.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> If you doesn't order a HIT on me first.


Stay the course.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Stay the course.


WILL DO!

I can't see everything with clarity like you guys right now... but at least I'm not being pushed around. Or being tempted to fix things.


----------



## Lifescript

She sounds so much like my W. I'll be waiting for Mavash' suggestions. There's much to learn here RG.


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> She sounds so much like my W. I'll be waiting for Mavash' suggestions. There's much to learn here RG.


:iagree:

"you (unlike me) are not spontaneous and impulsive"

I love the way she can make an excuse for anything.

"I called you a F' Face... but that's because I am spontaneous and impulsive" 

I on the other hand am strategic, therefore... Everything I do is much worse.

Truthfully, we both s*ck at communication... thats the bottom line. 

But yes, I'm waiting on Mavash... she'll probably tell us to run for the hills.


----------



## Lifescript

Nope. Mav is one of the reasons why I haven't ran for the hills. LOL.


----------



## Mavash.

If you've known me for 5 minutes you'd know I rarely say run for the hills. I'm a leave no stone unturned before you quit kinda gal.

Y'all have to bear with me today. Was up all night with a sick kid and I'm tired. Hoping to get to the computer later. At the moment I'm on the couch with my sick baby. Well he's 12 but he's still my baby.

I do have a book recommendation for you RG. Google The nice factor. Script already has it. It's a free PDF file. Read the chapters on strategies for boundaries, wimpy language, and status game. You don't need to read the whole book if you don't want to just the parts on how to communicate with word choice and body language.


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Im not ok with your immaturity...you have truly shown your cards and you are a terrible person..I cannot believe I even loved someone like you who is capable of doing*everything*that you have been doing and believe you *me, you know that I know, EXACTLY what you are doing and how you are doing everything...you (unlike me) are not spontaneous and impulsive, you are cold, and calculated and you know exactly what to say and you are doing it with precision and execution. This is a game to you....you have always been a mind f*cker with me and have always tried to play with my head and manipulate me...I know what you are doing and it is truly despicable...
> Dont bother writing back and saying what you're not ok with or that you are "sorry" I feel that way...because you are not...
> Not once have you said, please Mrs. RG, I love, this is killing me, dont go through with this, nothing...you have shown me nothing but grief and pure hatred of me trying to talk crap about me, turning people against me, poisoning your family's thoughts about me...you have not done one*gentlemanly*or mature thing in*regards*to this, you havent even shown me one ounce of positive emotion except trying to push me down and "punish me" or "make me suffer"*
> There continues to be NO positive communication, (which was a hallmark of our*relationship) and obviously there still*isn't...
> 
> WTF
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I spoke with my father in law. (Soon to be ex.) Explained to him clearly why I felt the marriage failed. 

He went home and told his wife. His wife told his daughter what was said. 

The voice-mail was almost exactly what you have here. What did I tell the Father? Oh the truth. When he said I didn't know what love was/is. I told him about her guy friends, about her loving other men. I asked him, was that acceptable behavior? He said, "No." 

Later on in a separate conversation he actually said, "I wasn't hard enough on her." (When it came to the divorce proceedings, I was making it too easy for her to walk away.)


----------



## Mavash.

> Thanks to Mavesh, Mrs. ReGroup is under the impression that D4 doesn't have a father on "her" days.


What she doesn't have on "her" days is a husband. Husbands assist in childcare issues - divorced/separated dads don't. You will have to tell her this 25,000 times before she gets it. I will help you say it in as many ways as I can think of until she gets it. 



> Mavesh, you've made an enemy out of her.


This is not my first rodeo. My husband jokes that he's glad nobodies angry spouse knows my real name or where I live otherwise I'd have a hit out on me. I enjoy arming nice people with ammo to protect themselves against emotionally broken people. And who better to teach that than someone like me who used to be emotionally broken.

I'm like the criminal the FBI hires to solve tough cases. I used to be bat shyt crazy so I speak the language and am a good translator.

The irony is I IMPROVE relationships so these angry spouses who initially would hate me if they knew would thank me if they understood I'm trying to HELP THEM as much as the doormat ones. Enabling only makes the problem worse. I empower both sides to take ownership of their own happiness and problems. Win/win.



> Mrs. ReGroup enlisted D4 into a fabulous reading program. I have agreed to share the cost.
> 
> Only problem, it runs for 5 weeks on Saturdays this coming Summer. RG has D4 on 3 of those 5 weeks; Mrs. RG wants to take D4 on all 5 occasions...
> 
> "That does not work for me. I'll gladly take her on my time"...
> 
> Mrs. RG: I don't trust that you will make it on time or even make it there. The program starts at 830am on Saturday mornings.
> 
> RG: I'm sorry you feel that way.


I want to help you come up with some new words and ways to communicate. This will help you not only with Mrs. RG but with everyone else too.

I like the first response and on the second one I'd take a different route. She communicated clearly her fears and what she needs is to be validated so you parrot it back to her and calm her nerves. She said nothing wrong and yet you gave her back a line that isn't helpful.

Try saying "I understand that is an early class for a Sat and I do like to sleep in. I understand that you don't trust me. I'd like the opportunity to earn your trust. How about I take her to class on MY days and if I'm late even once you can do it? I'll even text you that morning to let you know I will make it so you won't worry. Is that fair?"


----------



## Mavash.

> Mrs. RG: ReGroup I am trying to help you out by saying we can meet after at 10 am because that's when u sometimes see her or later. That's all. You don't care about anything but wanting to fight w me.


Had you validated her fears and offered up a compromise this 'might' not have happened.



> RG: Not acceptable. I'll take her on "my" days.


So for damage control you would have said. "I appreciate your help I do. I'm sorry if you feel I'm trying to fight with you but I'm not. Can we work this out? How about I call you to let you know I'm going to make it so you won't worry? I want to take D4 to her class on the days I have her. If I don't call you or am late you can take her. I want to be involved in her life and I want to earn your trust."



> Mrs. RG: The dates are July 27th to August 24th.
> 
> Mrs. RG: IM NOT TRYING TO FIGHT YOU ON THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> I WAS SIMPLY EXPLAINING MY VIEW!


Say "I understand" (this will take the wind out of her sails). I'd give her a free pass on the exclamation points because she's right you aren't listening. She is trying to tell you how she feels and you're 'conrading her' (sorry couldn't resist ) Women don't like not being heard and validated.



> RG: I'm not ok with caps or exclamation points. You're entitled to your views, feelings and opinions... You expressed your view earlier today; I gave you my response... drop it.


See above response.

And yes you are still like a couple a couple that doesn't know how to talk to each other. LOL


----------



## Mavash.

> Mrs. RG: Im not ok with your immaturity...you have truly shown your cards and you are a terrible person..I cannot believe I even loved someone like you who is capable of doing*everything*that you have been doing and believe you *me, you know that I know, EXACTLY what you are doing and how you are doing everything...you (unlike me) are not spontaneous and impulsive, you are cold, and calculated and you know exactly what to say and you are doing it with precision and execution.


Cutting this into paragraphs to make it easier to comment on. This is what it looks like when a women no longer has control. As Conrad says you must learn to talk to her emotionally. Logic gets you nowhere with women.

Again she is right. You do know exactly what to say and it's cold and calculated. Necessary to get her to stop being vile but now it's time to take it to the next level.



> This is a game to you....you have always been a mind f*cker with me and have always tried to play with my head and manipulate me...I know what you are doing and it is truly despicable...


She's right again it IS a game and yes I fully admit to mind effing and manipulating her. RG but I can teach you ways to do it that 'might' stop her from getting so enraged.



> Dont bother writing back and saying what you're not ok with or that you are "sorry" I feel that way.


Exactly. Time to come up with some new words or elaborate on these.



> Not once have you said, please Mrs. RG, I love, this is killing me, dont go through with this, nothing...you have shown me nothing but grief and pure hatred of me trying to talk crap about me, turning people against me, poisoning your family's thoughts about me...you have not done one*gentlemanly*or mature thing in*regards*to this, you havent even shown me one ounce of positive emotion except trying to push me down and "punish me" or "make me suffer"*


I got nothing on this. Isn't she the one who left? Didn't she have a PosOM? It isn't about punishing her or making her suffer it's called CONSEQUENCES something she clearly knows nothing about.



> There continues to be NO positive communication, (which was a hallmark of our*relationship) and obviously there still*isn't...


I can help with this. What helps is to say negative things sandwiched in between positive things (dig DEEP and find something to praise). Example....."you're a good mom for wanting D4 to be at class on time and I want to be a good dad too. I've made mistakes in the past give me a chance to earn your trust by letting me prove to you that I will have her there on time."

Keep in mind you have nothing to lose by showing a little vulnerability while keeping your boundaries nice and high. I put words in your mouth yes but you get the idea.


----------



## ReGroup

I feel like I studied all night, handed in my paper... Only to find out the next day it's covered in red marks.

Now that I did I little venting... Let's get to work.

How To Deal With an Angry Ex Spouses?

I'm ready for the challenge Chip and Mav.

Chip encourages the Immovable Man.

The Great Mav wants to blend some vulnerability. 

I agree with the both of you. I feel like I must be tough, but at the same time demonstrate I am not a robot.

I'm going to read the PDF you suggested Mav... I'll start my homework tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I've made mistakes in the past give me a chance to earn your trust by letting me prove to you that I will have her there on time."


Send exactly this.

Only this.

Let us know her response.


----------



## ReGroup

Send it now? That was 6 hours ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Send it now? That was 6 hours ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes - right now.

Gives her the impression you've been reflecting.

And, you have.


----------



## ReGroup

Alright... It was sent.

I await the gates of hell to open.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Alright... It was sent.
> 
> I await the gates of hell to open.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cry havoc, and let loose the dogs of war.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Alright... It was sent.
> 
> I await the gates of hell to open.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's okay we've got your back and will help you respond.

RG I sincerely think she's TRYING to reach out to you - she just doesn't know how.

I can hear the frustration in her words and I believe it's because she doesn't feel understood.

I can help with that.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I feel like I studied all night, handed in my paper... Only to find out the next day it's covered in red marks.


I'm sorry RG. I wish I had time to sugarcoat my edits better. I do think you're doing awesome. If I didn't see promise in you I wouldn't take the time to type all that. I'm picky about who I help and I'm under time constraints.

I wish I could help everyone but I have to limit it for my own sanity. LOL


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> It's okay we've got your back and will help you respond.
> 
> RG I sincerely think she's TRYING to reach out to you - she just doesn't know how.
> 
> I can hear the frustration in her words and I believe it's because she doesn't feel understood.
> 
> I can help with that.


I will testify.


----------



## ReGroup

Just kidding Mav... I want you guys to pick apart my stuff, its the only way I'll learn. I am a stubborn fool and won't adjust unless its by hard discipline.

She won't respond but she'll internalize and be happy with that response. Some of the stuff she mentioned is true... I can be cold and calculating - I want to move away from that.

Though, she feels I'm trying to play games, I am not... I want us to communicate in a healthier way, w/o the antics we always brought to the table.

But I never want to be a Doormat ever again.

And, she's right... I never begged or pleaded to restart or relationship... But I did try and logically explain week after week that we should reinvest in our relationship after our separation.

I never chased and she feels I should have - to win her back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Just kidding Mav... I want you guys to pick apart my stuff, its the only way I'll learn. I am a stubborn fool and won't adjust unless its by hard discipline.
> 
> She won't respond but she'll internalize and be happy with that response. Some of the stuff she mentioned is true... I can be cold and calculating - I want to move away from that.
> 
> Though, she feels I'm trying to play games, I am not... I want us to communicate in a healthier way, w/o the antics we always brought to the table.
> 
> But I never want to be a Doormat ever again.
> 
> And, she's right... I never begged or pleaded to restart or relationship... But I did try and logically explain week after week that we should reinvest in our relationship after our separation.
> 
> I never chased and she feels I should have - to win her back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Women love emotionally available men. Does not mean doormat.

She wants you to chase no doubt about it. This is the second time she's mentioned it in a short period of time. I'm tempted to throw her a bone but I wasn't sure that's what you wanted.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Women love emotionally available men. Does not mean doormat.
> 
> She wants you to chase no doubt about it. This is the second time she's mentioned it in a short period of time. I'm tempted to throw her a bone but I wasn't sure that's what you wanted.


What bone would you throw?

Let him decide.


----------



## ReGroup

We'll put that one in our back pocket. 

I'm not ready for anything with her yet, if ever.

I'm not where I need to be.

Besides, shouldn't she be the first to initiate?

I truly don't know what she wants. Out of all the waywards I've read or heard about she's the most puzzling. This is going on for about a year and she is still throwing out signs... ie, Sunday and today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Not once have you said, please Mrs. RG, I love you this is killing me, dont go through with this, nothing...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This bone. I'd answer this and see what she says. It would have to be carefully crafted.

Even if its an epic fail if done correctly she will never ever be able to say you didn't chase her.

Start with an email and throw the ball back in her court.

Find out if she wants to play ball or not.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> We'll put that one in our back pocket.
> 
> I'm not ready for anything with her yet, if ever.
> 
> I'm not where I need to be.
> 
> Besides, shouldn't she be the first to initiate?
> 
> I truly don't know what she wants. Out of all the waywards I've read or heard about she's the most puzzling. This is going on for about a year and she is still throwing out signs... ie, Sunday and today.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do not throw the bone unless you are sincere and ready.

Note I said BONE not the full enchilada. She is a cheater after all.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash, earlier today you said: it must be her idea.

What do the Titans suggest?

I don't fear rejection - not from her. I just hate the cake eating aspect of everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I knew she wouldn't respond.

A little back story... When we were a couple I would always tell her... "Why is it when we argue for hours and hours, in the end - you are in a better place with me quicker than when I would immediately apologize." 

When I'd apologize... She would hold it against me for a longer period of time as oppose to the other way around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavash, earlier today you said: it must be her idea.
> 
> What do the Titans suggest?
> 
> I don't fear rejection - not from her. I just hate the cake eating aspect of everything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My email wouldn't be kissing her ass. I'd call her on the cheating and would tell her how you feel about her. She acts like she's upset that you haven't chased and like with the daycare arrangements she seems oblivious to how this game is played.

I'd school her and throw the ball back her court by answering that email.

No cake eating I just want to address WHY you are not chasing.

Makes sense?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I knew she wouldn't respond.
> 
> A little back story... When we were a couple I would always tell her... "Why is it when we argue for hours and hours, in the end - you are in a better place with me quicker than when I would immediately apologize."
> 
> When I'd apologize... She would hold it against me for a longer period of time as oppose to the other way around.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


HOW did she hold it against you?


----------



## ReGroup

Her infamous silent treatment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Her infamous silent treatment.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How long and how did you respond?


----------



## ReGroup

I wouldn't crack, but it would drive me mad - I wouldn't show it of course... I would make her come to me first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I wouldn't crack, but it would drive me mad - I wouldn't show it of course... I would make her come to me first.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's likely mulling what you sent.

It could come at 2am.

Just ask Z.

If you get something at 2am... do not respond.

Let us see it first.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I wouldn't crack, but it would drive me mad - I wouldn't show it of course... I would make her come to me first.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We train people how to treat us.

The key to this is boundary PLUS a consequence.

This standoff didn't accomplish anything.

And no off the top of my head I don't have a consequence but I promise you there is one out there.


----------



## Conrad

Group,

Serious question.

Do you have Empire Strikes Back?

Put it in... listen to Yoda's instructions to Luke.

This is where you're at.


----------



## Lifescript

Conrad,

How many minutes into the movie does this scene happen?


----------



## Lifescript

"I've made mistakes in the past give me a chance to earn your trust by letting me prove to you that I will have her there on time."

I don't know about this. She's the one that cheated. Why should he be asking for a chance to prove himself? 

RG,

Where you irresponsible in terms of punctuality?


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> "I've made mistakes in the past give me a chance to earn your trust by letting me prove to you that I will have her there on time."
> 
> I don't know about this. She's the one that cheated. Why should he be asking for a chance to prove himself?
> 
> RG,
> 
> Where you irresponsible in terms of punctuality?


She's new to being a single mom and doesn't understand how this works. She MUST learn to trust RG to handle D4 instead of micromanaging and controlling.

I took the high road with the language because how is lashing back at her helpful in this case? Isn't the goal of two separated parents to learn to communicate like adults? Her fear 'appears' to be real so I addressed it.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> She's new to being a single mom and doesn't understand how this works. She MUST learn to trust RG to handle D4 instead of micromanaging and controlling.
> 
> I took the high road with the language because how is lashing back at her helpful in this case? Isn't the goal of two separated parents to learn to communicate like adults? Her fear 'appears' to be real so I addressed it.


Oh, ok. I see what you are saying. That is the goal - the best outcome going forward. I guess we'll know more when she responds.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Conrad,
> 
> How many minutes into the movie does this scene happen?


Movie is 2 hours 15 minutes.

This scene... 45 minutes in.


----------



## Tron

Lifescript said:


> Where you irresponsible in terms of punctuality?


LS, Mav and C,

This is not the first time ms RG has brought punctuality up. Even before the birthday party he was late to, she made a comment in that exchange that left me with the impression that this is a recurring issue. I think this is a big part of why she feels that he is irresponsible.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Movie is 2 hours 15 minutes.
> 
> This scene... 45 minutes in.


Ok. I'll take a look.


----------



## Chuck71

Danm storm! TESB Luke training with Yoda....the assurance. Trust your feelings Luke.

I want to say what you could tell her IMO but it would not be wise.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

Getting caught back up on your thread. 

I know we've discussed it before but I thought, nothing worse than The Silent Treatment. Mine could go forever. She once went 13 days without uttering a peep. I personally believe THIS can be more damaging to a relationship than actual physical violence.


----------



## ReGroup

Guys, I thrive on getting to places on time. 

I hate getting anywhere late. 

Punctuality is important to me. SHE is the person who is always late. Check my thread... I am always leaving because she picks up D4 an hour after the "scheduled" pick up time.

I made it late to a kids birthday party 2 weeks ago... I caught hell from her - but she doesn't know what went on behind the scenes. 

Its all about control. She wants to nit pick and criticize EVERYTHING.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Chucky, I wish I could give her a piece of my mind!!! I am chomping at the bit... I wish I could just... 

But I won't - she won't get the satisfaction of ever seeing me riled up again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

This is all about control. She wants to nit pick and criticize EVERYTHING. 

Its like when she checked herself into the hospital and sent the now famous IV Picture... She questioned why I didn't visit her. Its always: Find Something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Bullwinkle said:


> RG
> 
> Getting caught back up on your thread.
> 
> I know we've discussed it before but I thought, nothing worse than The Silent Treatment. Mine could go forever. She once went 13 days without uttering a peep. I personally believe THIS can be more damaging to a relationship than actual physical violence.


Completely agree.


----------



## Mavash.

RG I've had the gift of insight for as long as I can remember. I'm not even sure at times where it comes from I just "see" things and have perspective that others don't.

I know what I'm telling you sounds counterproductive however there is a method behind the madness. I can't always explain it but it's there.

And yes sometimes it involves LYING <gasp>.

Until you can get mrs RG to let her guard down with you she will continue to attack. You stopped the vile language now work on stopping the triggers of her tirade. Yes at times I will have you lying through your teeth but it works. If being logical and upfront with her worked you wouldn't be on TAM.

Think about the book how to win friends and influence people. He says talk about what THEY want to talk about. Well what if you don't give a crap? You're faking it. So what? It's a means to an end and that's all that matters.


----------



## Conrad

Group,

Here's how power works.

And, that's what this is about.

You took back your power when you stood up to her and stopped her vile profane blameshifting dead in its tracks.

Now, you're going to throw her one little crumb.

To her, emotionally, this will "feel" like a huge breakthrough.

She's convinced you don't give a rip what she thinks. And, now you've had time to think it over and you are asking her to let you prove something.

She will desire this.

And, likely will be nice about it.

Just watch.


----------



## Chuck71

Group I agree....speaking what you want right now would not help you

soon is the day I write my IDGAF letter to ex or simply say it in person

it not only 100% ends this saga but good chance for anything in future

keep in mind...I am completely done with mine

you are not, I sense you still have something there

my date for explosion was wrong but she will erupt

just like a supernova, bright and shiny 

she will collapse into a white dwarf and all energy spent

MrsR will be virtually naked and scared to death

you can cloth her or simply walk away

but only you can make that choice

I support either way you go


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> Group,
> 
> Serious question.
> 
> Do you have Empire Strikes Back?
> 
> Put it in... listen to Yoda's instructions to Luke.
> 
> This is where you're at.


Yep, yep... And for those without the movie... the script...



> EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- BOG -- CLEARING -- DAY
> 
> In the clearing behind Yoda's house, Luke again stands upside-down, but his face shows less strain and more concentration than before. Yoda sits on the ground below the young warrior. On the other side of the clearing, two equipment cases slowly rise into the air. Nearby Artoo watches, humming to himself, when suddenly he, too, rises into the air. His little legs kick desperately and his head turns frantically, looking for help.
> 
> YODA: Concentrate...feel the Force flow. Yes. Good. Calm, yes. Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future...the past. Old friends long gone.
> 
> Luke suddenly becomes distressed.
> 
> LUKE: Han! Leia!
> 
> The two packing boxes and Artoo fall to the ground with a crash, then Luke himself tumbles over.
> 
> YODA: (shaking his head) Hmm. Control, control. You must learn control.
> 
> LUKE: I saw...I saw a city in the clouds.
> 
> YODA: Mmm. Friends you have there.
> 
> LUKE: They were in pain.
> 
> YODA: It is the future you see.
> 
> LUKE: Future? Will they die?
> 
> Yoda closes his eyes and lowers his head.
> 
> YODA: Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.
> 
> LUKE: I've got to go to them.
> 
> YODA: Decide you must how to serve them best. If you leave now, help them you could. But you would destroy all for which they have fought and suffered.
> 
> Luke is stopped cold by Yoda's words. Gloom shrouds him as he nods his head sadly.





> EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- DAY
> 
> With Yoda strapped to his back, Luke climbs up one of the many thick vines that grow in the swamp. Panting heavily, he continues his course -- climbing, flipping through the air, jumping over roots, and racing in and out of the heavy ground fog.
> 
> YODA: Run! Yes. A Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice.
> 
> LUKE: Vader. Is the dark side stronger?
> 
> YODA: No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
> 
> LUKE: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
> 
> YODA: You will know. When you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
> 
> LUKE: But tell me why I can't...
> 
> YODA: (interrupting) No, no, there is no why. Nothing more will I teach you today. Clear your mind of questions. Mmm. Mmmmmm.
> 
> Artoo beeps in the distance as Luke lets Yoda down to the ground. Breathing heavily, he takes his shirt from a nearby tree branch and pulls it on. He turns to see a huge, dead, black tree, its base surrounded by a few feet of water. Giant, twisted roots form a dark and sinister cave on one side. Luke stares at the tree, trembling.
> 
> LUKE: There's something not right here.
> 
> Yoda sits on a large root, poking his Gimer Stick into the dirt.
> 
> LUKE: I feel cold, death.
> 
> YODA: That place...is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.
> 
> LUKE: What's in there?
> 
> YODA: Only what you take with you.
> 
> Luke looks warily between the tree and Yoda. He starts to strap on his weapon belt.
> 
> YODA: Your weapons...you will not need them.
> 
> Luke gives the tree a long look, than shakes his head "no." Yoda shrugs. Luke reaches up to brush aside some hanging vines and enters the tree.





> EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- BOG -- DUSK
> 
> In the bright lights of the fighter, Luke loads a heavy case into the belly of the ship. Artoo sits on top of the X-wing, settling down into his cubbyhole. Yoda stands nearby on a log.
> 
> YODA: Luke! You must complete the training.
> 
> LUKE: I can't keep the vision out of my head. They're my friends. I've got to help them.
> 
> YODA: You must not go!
> 
> LUKE: But Han and Leia will die if I don't.
> 
> BEN'S VOICE: You don't know that.
> 
> Luke looks toward the voice in amazement. Ben has materialized as a real, slightly shimmering image near Yoda. The power of his presence stops Luke.
> 
> BEN: Even Yoda cannot see their fate.
> 
> LUKE: But I can help them! I feel the Force!
> 
> BEN: But you cannot control it. This is a dangerous time for you, when you will be tempted by the dark side of the Force.
> 
> YODA: Yes, yes. To Obi-Wan you listen. The cave. Remember your failure at the cave!
> 
> LUKE: But I've learned so much since then. Master Yoda, I promise to return and finish what I've begun. You have my word.
> 
> BEN: It is you and your abilities the Emperor wants. that is why your friends are made to suffer.
> 
> LUKE: And that is why I have to go.
> 
> BEN: Luke, I don't want to lose you to the Emperor the way I lost Vader.
> 
> LUKE: You won't.
> 
> YODA: Stopped they must be. On this depends. Only a fully trained Jedi Knight with the Force as his ally will conquer Vader and his Emperor. If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path, as Vader did, you will become an agent of evil.
> 
> BEN: Patience.
> 
> LUKE: And sacrifice Han and Leia?
> 
> YODA: If you honor what they fight for...yes!
> 
> Luke is in great anguish. He struggles with the dilemma, a battle raging in his mind.
> 
> BEN: If you choose to face Vader, you will do it alone. I cannot interfere.
> 
> LUKE: I understand. (he moves to his X-wing) Artoo, fire up the converters.
> 
> Artoo whistles a happy reply.
> 
> BEN: Luke, don't give in to hate -- that leads to the dark side.
> 
> Luke nods and climbs into his ship.
> 
> YODA: Strong is Vader. Mind what you have learned. Save you it can.
> 
> LUKE: I will. And I'll return. I promise.
> 
> Artoo closes the ****pit. Ben and Yoda stand watching as the roar of the engines and the wind engulf them.
> 
> YODA: (sighs) Told you, I did. Reckless is he. Now matters are worse.


----------



## Chuck71

And my mom thought sitting through the SW movies in the 70's was a waste of time :rofl:

I related a SW scene to when I left the house in December. SW and ST had so many messages


----------



## Conrad

The key words...

YOU WILL KNOW....

It's true. I will testify.


----------



## Conrad

Group,

I get the idea you and Script are surprised by this advice.

Think about it this way.

Previously, she was simply lambasting anything and everything you did. All criticism, all the time.

Now, she's changed it up.

She's proactively asking you for something.

Admittedly, she's using a cloaking device (insulting you for being incapable and tardy), but she is fearing your rejection now.

This is what Yoda means by "You Will Know"

This situation is truly and fundamentally different.


----------



## ReGroup

I was in SHOCK!

Script and I came into class without our text books, goofing off, thinking we knew it all etc... and BAM!

Surprised the hell out of me... I didn't know I was suppose to show vulnerability or even some kindness - UNTIL it was time to make a decision.

I was up at 3am this morning asking myself questions... 

12-6 Curveball... knees buckled and I was headed back to the dugout. 

No response to the email. She doesn't want better communication.
Game On.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I was in SHOCK!
> 
> Script and I came into class without our text books, goofing off, thinking we knew it all etc... and BAM!
> 
> Surprised the hell out of me... I didn't know I was suppose to show vulnerability or even some kindness - UNTIL it was time to make a decision.
> 
> I was up at 3am this morning asking myself questions...
> 
> 12-6 Curveball... knees buckled and I was headed back to the dugout.
> 
> No response to the email. She doesn't want better communication.
> Game On.


This is how you observe and how you know.

Then again, she could be thinking it over.

I wonder what her username is?


----------



## Conrad

One last thing.

You just threw her the curveball.

She has no clue what to do now.

How could you possibly send a nasty response to that?


----------



## K.C.

Could be anything other than happiernow.

You suspect she is another stalker C?


----------



## Chuck71

let her stew at the make up counter with your message


----------



## Conrad

K.C. said:


> Could be anything other than happiernow.
> 
> You suspect she is another stalker C?


I was teasing him.

But, you never know

(She's not "happiernow" either)


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> I was teasing him.
> 
> But, you never know
> 
> (She's not "happiernow" either)


I'd hear about it. 
And she'll jump at the gun to defend herself. 

She would strike thunder on all of you!

Let me stop it... She's not THAT bad. Only when it comes to me.


----------



## Chuck71

Group=Judas

Mrs.ReGroup=Mary

hold your nose


----------



## GutPunch

I'm on pins and needles for this response.

She is definitely putting some thought into this one. 

I'd be surprised if it's the usual, "Regroup you thoughtless piece of Sh!t. How could you blah blah blah"


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> One last thing.
> 
> You just threw her the curveball.
> 
> She has no clue what to do now.
> 
> How could you possibly send a nasty response to that?


It's this.

You've confused the heck out of her which is the goal.

She's used to you being a certain way.

If you want different you must DO different.

It was time to change the game from pageant short answers to something even more unsettling. Vulnerable with boundaries.

If I think she needs more meanness I promise I will tell you.

I can do mean.


----------



## GutPunch

The much anticipated response......

Mrs. ReGroup "I am not ok with curve balls"


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



GutPunch said:


> The much anticipated response......
> 
> Mrs. ReGroup "I am not ok with curve balls"


LOL!


----------



## Chuck71

i guess sandy koufax is out lol


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> i guess sandy koufax is out lol


I loved the Darryl Kile curve... vicious.

Response won't come. No communication what's so ever. Which is odd, because she's been working on the revision with me daily. 

We'll sit back and await for what ever is coming to us. 

We're going to modify our game and go with Vulnerability W/ Boundaries. 

We were throwing fast balls, now we're going to use the Pedro Martinez Circle Change Up. 

She detailed that she thinks I am playing a game - Maybe she's become wiser as well? Could be.


----------



## ReGroup

Or she could be FURIOUS that I didn't acknowledge the other stuff on that email.

Lets sit back.


----------



## Chuck71

DKs death was tragic, worse was the reports

he was class act

will post tonight on mine

lol Conrad time I bet


----------



## Chuck71

Group.....you tell time without hands......


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Or she could be FURIOUS that I didn't acknowledge the other stuff on that email.
> 
> Lets sit back.


If she were furious you'd know it.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> If she were furious you'd know it.


She's on her heels.


----------



## Bullwinkle

You've got her on the ropes now, RG. But never underestimate the deviousness factor.


----------



## ReGroup

Picked up D4 for Soccer League!
The next Messi has been excited ALL week.

But before we could accomplish any of that, I had to go toe to toe with The Evil Gate Keeper herself.

She didn't pick up last nights phone call to D4.

The exchange was...

Pleasant!

The Titan's Evil Genius Plan is working. Every person to person confrontation has been easier and easier.

3 things: She limited eye contact with me, she was wearing the Amar'e Stoudimire T-shirt that I bought her, and she was wearing my boxer briefs. Lol.

After I bought her that T-shirt, Amar'e's career went into the tanks. Coincidence?

Her perception of me has changed? She didn't show it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Any response to the Saturday situation?

Or has she just run up the white flag?


----------



## Mavash.

That post is too encrypted for me to get any insight on. Lol


----------



## ReGroup

White Flag I guess - its a non issue, it always was. 

Sorry Mav. Lol. Not much excitement so I had to spice it up a bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

You realize both your wife and Zillard's X have answered the door in their underwear in the last 24 hours.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> White Flag I guess - its a non issue, it always was.
> 
> Sorry Mav. Lol. Not much excitement so I had to spice it up a bit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


With angry women no excitement = positive.

This is good news.


----------



## ReGroup

CHIP and MAVASH... Please report...

MIA: My Angry Wife!

I don't like this one bit.

Mrs RG: How was soccer? How did D4 do? 

RG: She did well - she was tired though.

Mrs. RG: Tired?

RG: Yes... Half way thru the activities she crashed and had to sit down. My mother will do the exchange w/ you - she is home. D4 is fed. Need to head out.

- She was running late. I won't stay waiting.

Mrs. RG: Ok that's fine.will be there by 530. Thank you. Omg. Is it concerning? Was she ok. Was she coughing?

RG: No, just tired.

Mrs. RG: Thank you for your part for the reading program. She has been registered. 

What in the hell is going on?!

LOL. 

Thanks Guys... It worked!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Well done.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Well done.


Halfway home.


----------



## Chuck71

I call you Group for a reason.....the Re tag long ago left you


----------



## ReGroup

We continue to move into improved communications...

Mrs. RG: D4 says she didn't have breakfast yesterday. I'm taking her to the doctors this morning - her cough sounds bad. 

RG: Ok, keep me posted.

Mrs. RG: Why didn't you give her breakfast yesterday? Maybe thats why she had a low performance at Soccer Camp?

RG: She had a snack. D4 said she was tired mid way through the camp because she had problems sleeping the night before. 

Mrs. RG: She slept very well and was in bed by 715 in preparation for soccer.

- I called on Saturday at 7pm. Too bad I couldn't talk to her. PosOM was probably there.

RG: Thats what she told me yesterday morning. Are you at the doctors or heading out?

Mrs. RG: Beginning to get dressed to go. I had to take the day off. She was a mess last night and I was concerned, especially because this has been going on for a year. She's in good spirits but I feel like she's run down too so I thought a day off would benefit her. She runs hard during the wek then gets pushed in the weekends too. She needs time to rest. 

Mrs. RG: And just for your info, I'm going to start working on her running to help her in shape for soccer. We did some yesterday. I was going to take her after school and buy her a soccer.

RG: Sounds Great. I saw her running and she could use some increased stamina. We are going to put the girls (Friends and I) in a swim class and a camp this Spring/Summer. It will help out.

Mrs. RG: Doc thinks D4 has allergies. Going to try and get some meds later on.

We miss the Angry Mrs. RG! She is taking OUR cue. She is talking to me like I am a NOT a "terrible" person. 

She never responded to Mav's "Trust" message, but it seems she might have internalized it and maybe... appreciates it???


----------



## Conrad

Group,

Some of the strongest communication is the kind that never gets an answer.

BTW - great job not taking the bait.


----------



## Chuck71

spot on


----------



## ReGroup

You noticed the bait right? They are not as apparent as a few weeks ago, but she's still trying to get me to nibble.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

i think that is an example of Star Wars......the Luke and Yoda talk


----------



## Mavash.

Ah but she IS responding to your trust message. She's doing exactly what you asked her to.

And I also say great job not taking the bait. 

Awesome!!!


----------



## Lifescript

Great job RG. This is real progress my man.


----------



## Odaat

I'm still learning, which part was the bait?


----------



## Conrad

Odaat said:


> I'm still learning, which part was the bait?


Mrs. RG: Why didn't you give her breakfast yesterday? Maybe thats why she had a low performance at Soccer Camp?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> RG: She had a snack. D4 said she was tired mid way through the camp because she had problems sleeping the night before.
> 
> Mrs. RG: She slept very well and was in bed by 715 in preparation for soccer.


Here's another one insinuating its still his fault aka not eating breakfast. He didn't take the bait and calmly restated "that's what D4 said".

Personally I thought the whole thing was one big gigantic bait.


----------



## Conrad

>>Mrs. RG: Beginning to get dressed to go. I had to take the day off. She was a mess last night and I was concerned, especially because this has been going on for a year<<

A 4 year old that might be upset her parents don't live together anymore. Who would have thunk it?


----------



## ReGroup

Chip once said that an actual emotional need is MET when a someone dumps their anger or baits the spouse into The Triangle... What occurs when that avenue is closed off for good?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip once said that an actual emotional need is MET when a someone dumps their anger or baits the spouse into The Triangle... What occurs when that avenue is closed off for good?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They have one or two options

1) Find another place to dump it.. (posOM)

2) Own it themselves, admit their misery, and begin to heal


----------



## ReGroup

Make them own their own chaos!

In doing so, I am being a detriment to their Fantasy. I like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Odaat

Ok, Conrad and Mavash thanks! 

RG, I don't know how you didn't respond, but awesome that you didn't. Practice makes perfect then. And then practice some more.


----------



## ReGroup

Odaat, read up on Conrad's Fitness Test... It'll open up your eyes to things happening in your situation that you may not have realized before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Odaat

Will do.


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> Here's another one insinuating its still his fault aka not eating breakfast. He didn't take the bait and calmly restated "that's what D4 said".
> 
> Personally I thought the whole thing was one big gigantic bait.


Notice how she immediately and automatically gets defensive about D4 sleeping well.

And once again RG fires back with, "Thats what she told me yesterday morning."

:smthumbup:


----------



## Conrad

Odaat said:


> Will do.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18347-fitness-tests.html


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> They have one or two options
> 
> 1) Find another place to dump it.. (posOM)
> 
> 2) Own it themselves, admit their misery, and begin to heal


They could also self medicate and/or self destruct. My dad went this route once he exhausted options 1 and he wasn't about to do 2.

Oh and dumping it elsewhere doesn't have to be OM. Could be a family member, friend, a child, a neighbor, coworker, or unsuspecting clerk at the grocery store. Lol

I bring this up so you understand WHY most people lash out not in proportion to the situation.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> They could also self medicate and/or self destruct.


Yes. This is where my X seems to be currently.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> They could also self medicate and/or self destruct.


Using each other to self medicate, would be more co-dependency right?


----------



## Conrad

The only thing we have control over is whether we allow it to be dumped - on us.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> The only thing we have control over is whether we allow it to be dumped - on us.


I never realized how powerful it was to turn that channel off to her. 

I'm sure she'll try other methods, but she'll most likely never get the same response she is looking for.

Emotional Communication. I am finally understanding the concept.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Using each other to self medicate, would be more co-dependency right?


Fueling each others need for drama/anger? Yes.

Another example is a sex or sex addiction.

I've also seen combinations like sex and money. Woman self medicates by spending HIS money. He gives her money beyond what he should because he's addicted to sex. Still using each other no matter how you slice this one.


----------



## ReGroup

Guys, gather up...

I need some advise.

D4's tuition is based on a certain criteria. A religious institution is attached to her school. The combination of weekly contributions factor into her tuition for the up-coming year. 

Mrs. RG hasn't been attending or contributing. Therefore, parents are being reminded that a certain amount must be paid in contributions triggering D4's tuition for the upcoming year. 

This effects the both of us.

She should have been aware of this... and is now looking for THE FIXER!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Guys, gather up...
> 
> I need some advise.
> 
> D4's tuition is based on a certain criteria. A religious institution is attached to her school. The combination of weekly contributions factor into her tuition for the up-coming year.
> 
> Mrs. RG hasn't been attending or contributing. Therefore, parents are being reminded that a certain amount must be paid in contributions triggering D4's tuition for the upcoming year.
> 
> This effects the both of us.
> 
> She should have been aware of this... and is now looking for THE FIXER!


Need more of the backstory.

I take it you do not attend there anymore?


----------



## ReGroup

No, I attend some where else now. 

To become members and remain members of the institution we have to contribute a certain yearly amount. When you are a member and remain a member - kid's attending the affliated school pay a discounted rate. 

Mrs. ReGroup hasn't been participating and wants to catch up on the "weekly contributions" by making a lump sum contribution.


----------



## Tron

This is no longer your church RG. And apparently not hers either. This is a value judgment IMO.

What is...
Amount of Contributions?
Tuition?
Tuition Discount?

When you do your taxes, do you itemize or take the standard deduction? Reason I ask is if you itemize then a portion of what you donate to the church is tax deductible.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No, I attend some where else now.
> 
> To become members and remain members of the institution we have to contribute a certain yearly amount. When you are a member and remain a member - kid's attending the affliated school pay a discounted rate.
> 
> Mrs. ReGroup hasn't been participating and wants to catch up on the "weekly contributions" by making a lump sum contribution.


Then let her.


----------



## ReGroup

Yes.

She was able to put the tuition costs on her taxes this year... I'll tell her to use that for the lump sum payment.

Thanks Chip and Tron!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

'Mrs. ReGroup hasn't been participating and wants to catch up on the "weekly contributions" by making a lump sum contribution."


Is that a country club or a place of faith


----------



## ReGroup

"You were responsible for making weekly donations at your Parish during the school year. If you didn't, I would suggest using the tax break issued to you for claiming D4's education tuition on your tax refund."

???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

it can be a deduction


----------



## Chuck71

sounds more like payments to me but..... that's another story


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> "You were responsible for making weekly donations at your Parish during the school year. If you didn't, I would suggest using the tax break issued to you for claiming D4's education tuition on your tax refund."
> 
> ???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"If weekly donations were not made during the school year, I'm not ok with picking up that slack"


----------



## Chuck71

somewhat like a 12 month APR free item. she paid minimum payments and expects you to run in and pay the balloon note. but for some reason that is not a shock from her


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> somewhat like a 12 month APR free item. she paid minimum payments and expects you to run in and pay the balloon note. but for some reason that is not a shock from her


Once again, contributions to her church are something one would expect a husband to make.

She fired that husband in favor of the new and exciting posOM.


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> somewhat like a 12 month APR free item. she paid minimum payments and expects you to run in and pay the balloon note. but for some reason that is not a shock from her


LOL... 

If by the off chance we ever Reconcile... and we make it through everything...

I'm going to tell her: These are the folks who turned me into the man that you always wanted me to be. Lol


----------



## Chuck71

Did POSOM get deliquency notice?


----------



## Chuck71

Boston - A man I'll Never Be (with lyrics) - YouTube


----------



## ReGroup

I just saw the email from the school ... the money is due today.

:slap:

Let the wheels continue to fall off.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I just saw the email from the school ... the money is due today.
> 
> :slap:
> 
> Let the wheels continue to fall off.


Ach du lieber!

She had no warning...


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, if what you say is true... "Women like being held accountable"... Then Mrs. ReGroup sure is being taught the ins and outs of accountability. Lol.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, if what you say is true... "Women like being held accountable"... Then Mrs. ReGroup sure is being taught the ins and outs of accountability. Lol.


I didn't say they "like it"

They're attracted to men that think enough of themselves to hold them accountable.


----------



## ReGroup

I apologize for misquoting you Sensei

I'm going to write out: They're attracted to men that think enough of themselves to hold them accountable. 

100x on a blackboard.


----------



## Mavash.

RG are you paying child support or did you agree to splitting school costs?


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: We are not talking about weekly donations (which I have been making periodically) I am supposed to pay the whole thing myself?

You are supposed to be splitting this with me and I know you have been receiving all of the emails about it...and you havent been proactive or mentioned anything about it?

Mrs. RG: You owe $xxx

- RG calls the school... no contributions have been made on her behalf. And the school notice was referring to the weekly contributions.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG are you paying child support or did you agree to splitting school costs?


Mavesh!

The 17pct covers the school's cost. I pay the school directly.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: We are not talking about weekly donations (which I have been making periodically) I am supposed to pay the whole thing myself?
> 
> You are supposed to be splitting this with me and I know you have been receiving all of the emails about it...and you havent been proactive or mentioned anything about it?
> 
> Mrs. RG: You owe $xxx
> 
> - RG calls the school... no contributions have been made on her behalf. And the school notice was referring to the weekly contributions.


You sniffed her out.

Time for:

"I'm not ok with where this conversation is headed"

P.S. "I've been making periodically" means I haven't made one and knew I could bluff my codependent fixer into picking up the tab.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> You sniffed her out.
> 
> Time for:
> 
> "I'm not ok with where this conversation is headed"
> 
> P.S. "I've been making periodically" means I haven't made one and knew I could bluff my codependent fixer into picking up the tab.


I'm chomping at the bit to to take her to task for what I have discovered.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm chomping at the bit to to take her to task for what I have discovered.


Not at all.

Wait until SHE blows up.

Then tell her what you know.

Cool, Firm, Dispassionate


----------



## ReGroup

The gig is up for her...

Mrs. RG: ReGroup...this conversation is not heading anywhere...D4 needs $xxx in order to maintain the parishioner tuition rate that she has right now....and I need $xxx from you in order to cover your half of your daughter's...

You already called Mrs. ____ to inquire, so whats the problem....

There is absolutely NO COMMUNICATION here...you owe $xxx and thats it.

*I didn't tell her I called them... She apparently called as well after I did.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavesh!
> 
> The 17pct covers the school's cost. I pay the school directly.


I'm still confused.

So you agreed to pay school cost but what about the donation part?

How was that agreed on and yes it IS part of tuition they are just renaming it.


----------



## Conrad

Mav,

My perception is that she's trying to get him to make the "entire donation" in addition to the fixed amount he's agreed to pay.

I'm willing to wager she hasn't contributed a dime.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Mav,
> 
> My perception is that she's trying to get him to make the "entire donation" in addition to the fixed amount he's agreed to pay.
> 
> I'm willing to wager she hasn't contributed a dime.


I got that what I don't understand is what part of the donation HE is responsible for.

It is still tuition.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I'm still confused.
> 
> So you agreed to pay school cost but what about the donation part?
> 
> How was that agreed on and yes it IS part of tuition they are just renaming it.


Sorry... When you contribute a certain amount to the Parish the tuition for our kid is reduced.

So, Mrs. RG said early last year that she would attend Mass and contribute weekly. 

As I have found out... she hasn't.

I am not a member of that Church because I was fired for OM. LOL


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Mav,
> 
> My perception is that she's trying to get him to make the "entire donation" in addition to the fixed amount he's agreed to pay.
> 
> I'm willing to wager she hasn't contributed a dime.


She hasn't... it was confirmed to me by the school official just now.


----------



## ReGroup

And now that she knows I know...

Mrs. RG: I just dont understand why we cannot talk about these things in advance to avoid this type of drama....we have no communication about anything...you never fill me in on anything about D4 or what she is doing. These are things we need to talk about.

Mrs. RG: you are making this about me and its not...its about D4's tuition


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Sorry... When you contribute a certain amount to our Parish the tuition for our kid is reduced.
> 
> So, Mrs. RG said early last year that she would attend Mass and contribute weekly.
> 
> As I have found out... she hasn't.
> 
> I am not a member of that Church because I was fired for OM. LOL


I know how it works I'm a CPA and I used to audit these school/church combo's.

I also know why you aren't a member of the church.

My point was the donation IS a school expense.

If mrs RG agreed to pay the additional tuition fees then that's on her.

Is it a lot of money?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> And now that she knows I know...
> 
> Mrs. RG: I just dont understand why we cannot talk about these things in advance to avoid this type of drama....we have no communication about anything...you never fill me in on anything about D4 or what she is doing. These are things we need to talk about.
> 
> Mrs. RG: you are making this about me and its not...its about D4's tuition


She's right it is about the tuition.

Calling it a donation doesn't change that fact.


----------



## Tron

Refresh my memory RG, is school paid out of the child support money you pay her or is there a separate agreement for school tuition and expenses?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I know how it works I'm a CPA and I used to audit these school/church combo's.
> 
> I also know why you aren't a member of the church.
> 
> My point was the donation IS a school expense.
> 
> If mrs RG agreed to pay the additional tuition fees then that's on her.
> 
> Is it a lot of money?


No, it isn't a lot of money. But it was her responsibility to take care of it. She took on the responsibility. She must have forgotten... might be distracted.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> If mrs RG agreed to pay the additional tuition fees then that's on her.


This is where I'm at.

She's now denying she was planning to contribute to the church?

I mean...she's given them nada - zip - zilch.

And, I am certain the number she is quoting to ReGroup includes that same amount (nada - zip - zilch) from her.


----------



## ReGroup

Tron said:


> Refresh my memory RG, is school paid out of the child support money you pay her or is there a separate agreement for school tuition and expenses?


No, its taken from the child support funds.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> This is where I'm at.
> 
> She's now denying she was planning to contribute to the church?
> 
> I mean...she's given them nada - zip - zilch.
> 
> And, I am certain the number she is quoting to ReGroup includes that same amount (nada - zip - zilch) from her.


The school official told me: Zilch has been contributed.

She emailed me prior to that phone call and she's made periodical contributions.

And said that the funds they were asking for had nothing to do with the contributions - that it was something else... both lies. It was about the weekly contributions.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> No, its taken from the child support funds.


THIS was what I wanted to know.

You agreed to XX child support and everything else is on her right?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The school official told me: Zilch has been contributed.
> 
> She emailed me prior to that phone call and said she's made periodical contributions.


To me, this merely stays she continues to take the (higher) amount of tuition from child support funds.

She just gave herself a modest pay cut.


----------



## Tron

ReGroup said:


> No, its taken from the child support funds.





Conrad said:


> To me, this merely stays she continues to take the (higher) amount of tuition from child support funds.
> 
> She just gave herself a modest pay cut.


Totally agree with Conrad. This is on her in every way.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> THIS was what I wanted to know.
> 
> You agreed to XX child support and everything else is on her right?


Yes. 

She had her attorney draw up a settlement. It wanted me to pay 17 and split everything else evenly.

I took it to my attorney and he called it crap. I countered a month ago and haven't gotten anything since.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> To me, this merely stays she continues to take the (higher) amount of tuition from child support funds.
> 
> She just gave herself a modest pay cut.


And that... is what she is afraid of.


----------



## ReGroup

I am going to tell her buzz off w/ her non sense.

And she blames it on our communication! After she finds out I know the truth.

Do I go ALL with what I know... or just say I will not pay.


----------



## Mavash.

I'll help you write it I just needed details. Give me a few I'm picking up kids.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Yes.
> 
> She had her attorney draw up a settlement. It wanted me to pay 17 and split everything else evenly.
> 
> I took it to my attorney and he called it crap. I countered a month ago and haven't gotten anything since.


What is everything else?

17pct of what?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I am going to tell her buzz off w/ her non sense.
> 
> And she blames it on our communication! After she finds out I know the truth.
> 
> Do I go ALL with what I know... or just say I will not pay.


"I'm not ok with misrepresenting the issue. This is not a balance owed for tuition, it's a backpayment for the contributions that qualify for reduced tuition."

"I never promised to make those contributions"


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> What is everything else?
> 
> 17pct of what?


NYC, 17pct of the gross salary. Tuition is included in the 17pct.

By law, I have to go on half of medical expenses...

If D4 is in AFTERCARE and Mrs. RG is working we go half.


----------



## Mavash.

"NY law states that I pay 17% of my income for child support. tuition is paid out of this money. it is your responsibility is to maintain the church membership requirements to qualify for the reduced rate."

Editing on the fly with the new info. Lol


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> "Our written agreement states that I pay 17% of the discounted tuition. Your responsibility is to maintain the church membership requirements to qualify for the reduced rate."


Sadly, we don't have a written agreement. She is stalling on that as well. 

I am going by what the Law wants me to do. I have everything accounted for.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> "Our written agreement states that I pay 17% of my income. tuition comes out of this money. it is your responsibility is to maintain the church membership requirements to qualify for the reduced rate."
> 
> Editing on the fly with the new info. Lol


This is better than mine


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Sadly, we don't have a written agreement. She is stalling on that as well.
> 
> I am going by what the Law wants me to do. I have everything accounted for.


Okay I'll edit it.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> This is better than mine


I shouldn't take her to task on the lying???


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I shouldn't take her to task on the lying???


No... emotional communication is more effective without finger pointing.

If you were talking to me or Lifescript and we were lying? Hell yeah, rip us on it.

But, you're not talking to a man here, are you?

If you use Mavash's work here, she has nowhere to go with her hostility - but to rock bottom.


----------



## Tron

Our agreement states and the law requires that I pay you 17% of my income in support. Discounted or not discounted, the tuition comes out of that money. It is your responsibility to maintain the church membership requirements to qualify for the reduced rate and I am not ok with you misrepresenting what those fees were or that some had been paid.


I am afraid Conrad's version might have caused another explosion up in the Northeast... Sorry, couldn't help it.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I shouldn't take her to task on the lying???


What Conrad said.

It's not up to you to call her on the lying.

Stick to your boundaries.


----------



## Lifescript

Finger point will open the gates of hell. Don't.


----------



## Mavash.

Tron said:


> Our agreement states and the law requires that I pay you 17% of my income in support. Discounted or not discounted, the tuition comes out of that money. It is your responsibility to maintain the church membership requirements to qualify for the reduced rate and I am not ok with you misrepresenting what those fees were or that some had been paid.
> 
> D


I like this but its too wordy

I don't like taking her to task on the lying either


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> What Conrad said.
> 
> It's not up to you to call her on the lying.
> 
> Stick to your boundaries.


OK. 

It would go against talk less, do more.

I made the phone call and did my own research. She knows I called and learned the facts.

I guess their is no need to point fingers.

What irked me was she tried to blame this on our failed communication.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> OK.
> 
> It would go against talk less, do more.
> 
> I made the phone call and did my own research. She knows I called and learned the facts.
> 
> I guess their is no need to point fingers.
> 
> What irked me was she tried to blame this on our failed communication.


Group,

The alternative would be for her to belly up and shoulder her share of the blame.

How do people with PTSD often respond in those situations?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Group,
> 
> The alternative would be for her to belly up and shoulder her share of the blame.
> 
> How do people with PTSD often respond in those situations?


Blame Shifting Sir...


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Blame Shifting Sir...


And.... you think you're going to get somewhere with her by calling her out on that?

On a more personal note.

I remember a similar occasion not so long ago. I was getting sucked into the Triangle and I put a stop to it.... my response was emotional and rough.

But, I saw it for what it was and I didn't rely on anyone else to stop it for me. I stopped it dead in its tracks.

Ironically, it took someone else pointing out to me that this was my maiden voyage and that I'd snuffed it without help.

Sometimes, we need someone else to show us the progress for us to internalize it.

Good job - again.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> OK.
> 
> It would go against talk less, do more.
> 
> I made the phone call and did my own research. She knows I called and learned the facts.
> 
> I guess their is no need to point fingers.
> 
> What irked me was she tried to blame this on our failed communication.


RG becoming zen means you no longer get irked when people try to get you to own their problems.

I mean come on can you blame her for trying? Lol

If she said its communication then it's just another way of blame shifting.

I laugh when people do this to me now. I don't call them on it I simply say "no that won't work for me".

The no is consequence enough. It didn't work and that's all that matters.

Let it go.


----------



## Tron

Mav, LS, Conrad. I am trying to understand, that by not pointing out the lying and pointing fingers you don't give her an outlet to emotionally lash out in response? But, don't you think she is going to lash out anyway in some other way simply because she isn't getting what she wants, i.e. the money? At least today, the money is what this was all about. 

The lies were misdirection/bluffing and the failed communication was just blame shifting. 

So without pointing out that you know she was lying, how do you get a liar and cheat to stop lying/cheating or a BPD to stop manipulating? Just boundaries, consequences and a refusal to engage/react? Is that really it?


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Tron said:


> Mav, LS, Conrad. I am trying to understand, that by not pointing out the lying and pointing fingers you don't give her an outlet to emotionally lash out in response? But, don't you think she is going to lash out anyway in some other way simply because she isn't getting what she wants, i.e. the money? At least today, the money is what this was all about.
> 
> The lies were misdirection/bluffing and the failed communication was just blame shifting.
> 
> So without pointing out that you know she was lying, how do you get a liar and cheat to stop lying/cheating or a BPD to stop manipulating? Just boundaries, consequences and a refusal to engage/react? Is that really it?


I'll let Mav and Conrad respond. 

Not engaging stops her from putting her anger on you, it shuts her up. But we really have no control over what they do. We just control how we react, respond to them.


----------



## Mavash.

Tron said:


> Mav, LS, Conrad. I am trying to understand, that by not pointing out the lying and pointing fingers you don't give her an outlet to emotionally lash out in response? But, don't you think she is going to lash out anyway in some other way simply because she isn't getting what she wants, i.e. the money? At least today, the money is what this was all about.
> 
> The lies were misdirection/bluffing and the failed communication was just blame shifting.
> 
> So without pointing out that you know she was lying, how do you get a liar and cheat to stop lying/cheating or a BPD to stop manipulating? Just boundaries, consequences and a refusal to engage/react? Is that really it?


Yes thats really it.


----------



## deejov

Who decides if something is a lie or the truth? The person listening to it. She can say whatever she wants. You decide if it's true or not. 

Since it's your decision that it's a lie, you take it on or you throw it away. Taking on lies is self destructive to yourself. When you feel anger... it's your body trying to tell you to stop and go another direction. You are off your path.


----------



## Mavash.

deejov said:


> Who decides if something is a lie or the truth? The person listening to it. She can say whatever she wants. You decide if it's true .


QFT


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> Yes thats really it.


You can't "make" then stop. But by doing this you make it less advantageous/temporarily satisfying for them to continue.

And you can smile regardless of what they do. Because you refuse to let it control you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Mav, LS, Conrad. I am trying to understand, that by not pointing out the lying and pointing fingers you don't give her an outlet to emotionally lash out in response? But, don't you think she is going to lash out anyway in some other way simply because she isn't getting what she wants, i.e. the money? At least today, the money is what this was all about.
> 
> The lies were misdirection/bluffing and the failed communication was just blame shifting.
> 
> So without pointing out that you know she was lying, how do you get a liar and cheat to stop lying/cheating or a BPD to stop manipulating? Just boundaries, consequences and a refusal to engage/react? Is that really it?


Pointing out things is how you talk to men.


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> Pointing out things is how you talk to men.


:scratchhead: Just curious, where is the _Talking to Women_ book and why isn't it required reading in HS?


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> :scratchhead: Just curious, where is the _Talking to Women_ book and why isn't it required reading in HS?


That's SEXIST...


----------



## ReGroup

Don't worry Tron. I am as lost as you are sometimes with emotional communications. I am starting to understand it a bit, but their is much to learn.

I am an explainer... All logic. It got me here.

When I leave, I want to have learned emotional communication to my fullest capacity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Yo, RG, just checking in, I must tell you, that of all these sad threads, you seem to be leading the pack in terms of actually LEARNING something from all this. And I think those of us who follow your thread religiously are learning stuff too. Keep it up!


----------



## ReGroup

Bullwinkle said:


> Yo, RG, just checking in, I must tell you, that of all these sad threads, you seem to be leading the pack in terms of actually LEARNING something from all this. And I think those of us who follow your thread religiously are learning stuff too. Keep it up!


We are all learning. At one point or another, we'll completly figure ourselves out.

I think Chucky, zillard, GP and I started around the same time. They seem to be doing really well. 

Once you start respecting yourself, positive things start to occur.

In my case, Mrs. ReGroup has been a wonderful sparring partner.

We can't forget The TITANS either... wouldn't want to piss them off by not putting in the work. 

... And Winkle, your back at your place with your daughter; while Frostine has been forced to Self-Actualize again... Not shabby yourself.

Speaking of Mrs. RG:

2/24,998

I'll have to tell her again, that I am not picking up the tab.

Mrs. RG: I paid the entire amount...when can I expect the $xxx reimbursement please...because now I am really broke for this month.


----------



## Mavash.

Tell her "I sent you xx in child support on xx day. It was sent directly to the school. The next payment will be sent on xx day to the school. No further money is due to you at this time."


----------



## Mavash.

Oh and you wouldn't piss me off I'd just stop helping. Easy enough.

I choose to help those willing to do the work and yes I'm well aware how hard it is.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Tell her "I sent you xx in child support on xx day. It was sent directly to the school. The next payment will be sent on xx day to the school. No further money is due to you at this time."


Ok Mavash, 3rd "No" being sent now.

If you hear about an eruption coming from The Bronx... you'll know Mrs. RG detonated.


----------



## Mavash.

If you do this enough she will eventually stop. Say no, don't engage and stay CALM.

And you can be nice while doing it. That's my favorite part.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: ReGroup...this matter was not addressed, it was merely swept under the rug...this is part of her fee for being at this school....you are directly effing with her here not me...

Mavesh, would replying to this... be considered engaging. Or should I just not reply.


----------



## Lifescript

She's back to being bad Mrs . RG. ISYFTW works here I think.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: ReGroup...this matter was not addressed, it was merely swept under the rug...this is part of her fee for being at this school....you are directly effing with her here not me...
> 
> Mavesh, would replying to this... be considered engaging. Or should I just not reply.


"I'm sorry you feel that way" - is the answer here.


----------



## ReGroup

Never did she think it was going to turn out this way. NEVER.

"you are directly effing with her here not me" YEAH RIGHT... Nice Try.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Never did she think it was going to turn out this way. NEVER.
> 
> "you are directly effing with her here not me" YEAH RIGHT... Nice Try.


I have this picture of Mrs. ReG kung-fu kicking her favorite button on the soda machine and screaming in disbelief.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: ReGroup...this matter was not addressed, it was merely swept under the rug...this is part of her fee for being at this school....you are directly effing with her here not me...
> 
> Mavesh, would replying to this... be considered engaging. Or should I just not reply.


Restate divorce law again.

"I'm responsible for paying 17% of my income for child support which I have done. I owe you no additional money"

RG I can do this all day. Lol


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: ReGroup...this matter was not addressed, it was merely swept under the rug...this is part of her fee for being at this school....you are directly effing with her here not me...
> 
> Mavesh, would replying to this... be considered engaging. Or should I just not reply.


Or "I owe you 17% of my income in child support. I owe you no more money. If you can't afford this school I can help you find something more economical for your budget"


----------



## Conrad

Just imagining the look on posOM's face should she suggest HE make a church contribution.

(I know that would never happen)


----------



## Mavash.

She's still treating you like a husband which is why I would keep answering her. I'll stop when she gets rediculous. She's not there yet. She may never get there. More than likely she will shut up before it gets to that point but if she does I can handle that too.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> She's still treating you like a husband which is why I would keep answering her. I'll stop when she gets rediculous. She's not there yet. She may never get there. More than likely she will shut up before it gets to that point but if she does I can handle that too.


She has to exhaust the soda machine first.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She has to exhaust the soda machine first.


As long as she doesn't kick or cuss the soda machine out I'd continue to communicate with her.

There are dozens of ways to say no.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Restate divorce law again.
> 
> "I'm responsible for paying 17% of my income for child support which I have done. I owe you no additional money"
> 
> RG I can do this all day. Lol


The scary part... is that I believe you!

Mrs. RG: Why are you being like this?

:lol:

Jeez, let me think:This is what you thought you wanted!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The scary part... is that I believe you!
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why are you being like this?
> 
> :lol:
> 
> Jeez, let me think:This is what you thought you wanted!


"I didn't ask to be fired"


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> The scary part... is that I believe you!
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why are you being like this?
> 
> :lol:
> 
> Jeez, let me think:This is what you thought you wanted!


Say "being like what?"

Get her to name it. Play stupid until she does. I mean I haven't the foggiest idea what she's talking about do you? Isn't this what divorce looks like? I'm stumped. Lmao


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Say "being like what?"
> 
> Get her to name it. Play stupid until she does. I mean I haven't the foggiest idea what she's talking about do you? Isn't this what divorce looks like? I'm stumped. Lmao


Absolutely... "being like what"... indeed.


----------



## Mavash.

If you haven't caught on yet I'm baiting HER now.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> If you haven't caught on yet I'm baiting HER now.


I thought Jedi's don't go on the offensive! Lol


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I thought Jedi's don't go on the offensive! Lol


Surgical offensives, only.


----------



## Tron

Mavash. said:


> If you haven't caught on yet I'm baiting HER now.


But, as I am sitting here wondering how this plays out, if this was my D15, she would just try to jump this train onto another track and lash out in another way. Mav, it is like trying to grab hold of the slipperiest snake you can ever imagine.

But, I definitely see a "You fired me" approaching on the horizon.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> But, as I am sitting here wondering how this plays out, if this was my D15, she would just try to jump this train onto another track and lash out in another way. Mav, it is like trying to grab hold of the slipperiest snake you can ever imagine.
> 
> But, I definitely see a "You fired me" approaching on the horizon.


Only in response to a question.


----------



## Mavash.

Look she wants to play so I will play. Only I play to win with the greater good in mind. I use my power for good not evil. It's absolutely strategic.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Only in response to a question.


Yes yes yes

Until she names it stay mum.


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> Look she wants to play so I will play. Only I play to win with the greater good in mind. I use my power for good not evil. It's absolutely strategic.


_"...but the blamelessness and the fighting edge are not always combined. Both qualities are necessary for the man who is to wage active battle against the powers that prey. He must be clean of life, so that he can laugh when his public or his private record is searched; and yet being clean of life will not avail him if he is either foolish or timid. He must walk warily and fearlessly, and while he should never brawl if he can avoid it, he must be ready to hit hard if the need arises. Let him remember, by the way, that the unforgivable crime is soft hitting. Do not hit at all if it can be avoided; but never hit softly."_ *- Theodore Roosevelt*


----------



## Mavash.

Tron said:


> But, as I am sitting here wondering how this plays out, if this was my D15, she would just try to jump this train onto another track and lash out in another way. Mav, it is like trying to grab hold of the slipperiest snake you can ever imagine.


Every situation is different.

Kids, money, who has the power, all determine how close I get to that snake.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: You know exactly how you are being and what you are doing?

A guy who isn't willing to be your husband when you beckon.

She's got nothing or she would go into specifics.

Oh by the way, no Revision of The Settlement yet.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: You know exactly how you are being and what you are doing?


Confused.... really


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: You know exactly how you are being and what you are doing?
> 
> A guy who isn't willing to be your husband when you beckon.


"No i don't. What am I doing?"

This is comical. She won't name it because deep down she knows she's wrong. Lol

You nailed it.

She's got nothing.

Call her on it....nicely.


----------



## coachman

I think this goes one of two ways..

Wine bottle a la BW or..

Her showing up and shagging your brains out. 

Either way its great stuff..


----------



## ReGroup

coachman said:


> I think this goes one of two ways..
> 
> Wine bottle a la BW or..
> 
> Her showing up and shagging your brains out.
> 
> Either way its great stuff..


coachman, we've missed you on The RG Thread. Where have you been?


----------



## coachman

Following religiously. 

When you have Conrad and Mavash coaching there usually isn't much to add.. Which is a good thing.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: not reimbursing me for the $xxx that you owe and then being condescending and patronizing by saying, "Im sorry you feel that way."

I want to go with the below mentioned response... 

RG: I'm responsible for paying 17% of my income for child support which I have done. I owe you no additional money


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: not reimbursing me for the $xxx that you owe and then being condescending and patronizing by saying, "Im sorry you feel that way."
> 
> I want to go with the below mentioned response...
> 
> RG: I'm responsible for paying 17% of my income for child support which I have done.


Fixed it for you.

(No finger pointing)


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> "Im sorry you feel that way."


start switching this up. 

"I understand what you mean. I see things differently."


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: not reimbursing me for the $xxx that you owe and then being condescending and patronizing by saying, "Im sorry you feel that way."
> 
> I want to go with the below mentioned response...
> 
> RG: I'm responsible for paying 17% of my income for child support which I have done. I owe you no additional money


"Why do I owe the money? On the I'm sorry you feel that way you're right I have probably overused it. I'm learning how to communicate with you and I'm new at it."


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> "Why do I owe the money? On the I'm sorry you feel that way you're right I have probably overused it. I'm learning how to communicate with you and I'm new at it."


She's on a roll.


----------



## ReGroup

Should I be concerned about the amount of friction being caused by this back and forth.

At some point, as my stance has been made clear, should we pull back at some point? Only when she gets vile?

When is it considered getting sucked into the Triangle?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Should I be concerned about the amount of friction being caused by this back and forth.
> 
> At some point, as my stance has been made clear, should we pull back at some point? Only when she gets vile?
> 
> When is it considered getting sucked into the Triangle?


No time to go wobbly on us ReGroup!

What's happening here is you are standing rock-ribbed in the center of the Triangle. She has tried to suck you into it by being Mrs. Polite ReGroup... now she's trying Mrs. Demanding ReGroup.

Making her name her own poisonous thinking is standing in the center. As long as you stay there, you're not on the hamster wheel.

Can you tell?

You're not fighting, explaining, persecuting, or rescuing.

You're just being you and standing up for yourself.

Good job.

(The friction associated with this makes you irresistible. Do you think posOM is even on her mind in the last 24-48 hours?)


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> No time to go wobbly on us ReGroup!
> 
> What's happening here is you are standing rock-ribbed in the center of the Triangle. She has tried to suck you into it by being Mrs. Polite ReGroup... now she's trying Mrs. Demanding ReGroup.
> 
> Making her name her own poisonous thinking is standing in the center. As long as you stay there, you're not on the hamster wheel.
> 
> Can you tell?
> 
> You're not fighting, explaining, persecuting, or rescuing.
> 
> You're just being you and standing up for yourself.
> 
> Good job.
> 
> (The friction associated with this makes you irresistible. Do you think posOM is even on her mind in the last 24-48 hours?)


Once again, Chip is right.

Mrs. RG: It's not support. It's part of D4's tuition. 

And mind you. You are not giving me 17 percent. I have accepted less than that and have "accepted" that you have not been splitting after care or day care with me. 

You have been rotten.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Once again, Chip is right.
> 
> Mrs. RG: It's not support. It's part of D4's tuition.
> 
> And mind you. You are not giving me 17 percent. I have accepted less than that and have "accepted" that you have not been splitting after care or day care with me.
> 
> You have been rotten.


I need details to answer this one preferably facts.


----------



## Mavash.

And I will hit back on the rotten comment if you give me something re the posOM.


----------



## Conrad

Time for the big guns... posOM = sledgehammer to the big toe


----------



## ReGroup

She feels I need to give more.

She wanted 17pct + going half on everything (Including Tuition)... in the first proposal.
I countered with: 17pct, Half of AfterCare and Medical Expenses.

She said OK. But the settlement hasn't been resent to me. I said: Let me see the Revision and we can go ahead and proceed with all the arrangements.

As Chip will tell you... this has been an ongoing thing.

I continue to pay my 17pct, until I see official paper work.


----------



## Conrad

Group,

Give us the straight scoop.

You pay the school directly with part of that 17%?


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Time for the big guns... posOM = sledgehammer to the big toe


I need words on that. Don't know the whole story


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Group,
> 
> Give us the straight scoop.
> 
> You pay the school directly with part of that 17%?


I am paid bi-weekly... The Tuition is exactly 17% of my income... I send that payment to PreK.

The 2nd check of the month goes into a Joint Expense Account.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I am paid bi-weekly... The Tuition is exactly 17% of my income... I send that payment to PreK.
> 
> The 2nd check of the month goes into a Joint Expense Account.


So, this boosted rate will mean she has another monthly bill.

(Which is why she's upset - if this was only ReG having to pay more, who could care?)

And, this tuition is the total amount of your monthly support - outside of extraordinary expenses?


----------



## coachman

As far as the last line goes i think its time to inject some humor.

If this is through Email i would change her text on the reply.

So change it to make it look like it came through as ..

You have been so SEXY lately.

Then reply with something like

Thank you. I've been getting a lot of compliments lately.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> So, this boosted rate will mean she has another monthly bill.
> 
> (Which is why she's upset - if this was only ReG having to pay more, who could care?)
> 
> And, this tuition is the total amount of your monthly support - outside of extraordinary expenses?


Lets say 17pct of my monthly gross income is $100.

Tuition is $50 on a monthly basis for D4 - I pay it directly to the school. 

I deposit the other $50 in a joint account, where she only withdrawals and I leave alone.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lets say 17pct of my monthly gross income is $100.
> 
> Tuition is $50 on a monthly basis for D4 - I pay it directly to the school.
> 
> I deposit the other $50 in a joint account, where she only withdrawals and I leave alone.


And, of course, she is alleging you're not paying enough into that account - as there are additional expenses?


----------



## Mavash.

"I never agreed to pay half of the tuition. I agreed to 17% which is what the state required, half of medical and half of after school care"

Can't hit back on the rotten comment without ammo.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> And, of course, she is alleging you're not paying enough into that account - as there are additional expenses?


It's 17pct to the last dime.

Honestly, I don't have to give a dime... I would never do that, but we have No Official Paper Work. 

The city thinks we are living together. 

I asked her, send me the revision and we'll implement our agreement. NO PAPER WORK.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> "I never agreed to pay half of the tuition. I agreed to 17% which is what the state required, half of medical and half of after school care"
> 
> Can't hit back on the rotten comment without ammo.


My understanding of her "rotten" comment is that she wanted him to split aftercare expenses with her during the summer even if she wasn't working a paid job.

Correct RG?


----------



## ReGroup

Sorry, I haven't made it clear...

AfterCare is being used now. 
Mrs. RG needs it because she is still at work after 3pm.

2 weeks ago, she said "let's start going half on AfterCare in addition to the 17pct..."

I said, "I want to see the Revision of the first draft"....

That's when she attempted to write the settlement herself.

I am ok paying AfterCare... I just want to see the paper work. Which she is stalling to produce.

That spurned the "rotten" comment.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Sorry, I haven't made it clear...
> 
> AfterCare is being used now.
> Mrs. RG needs it because she is still at work after 3pm.
> 
> 2 weeks ago, she said "let's start going half on AfterCare in addition to the 17pct..."
> 
> I said, "I want to see the Revision of the first draft"....
> 
> That's when she attempted to write the settlement herself.
> 
> I am ok paying AfterCare... I just want to see the paper work. Which she is stalling to produce.
> 
> That spurned the "rotten" comment.


Thanks


----------



## ReGroup

I am being "rotten" because of $90 monthly.

That's half of the AfterCare bill.


----------



## coachman

Regular Deadbeat dad


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I am being "rotten" because of $90 monthly.
> 
> That's half of the AfterCare bill.


And, because you want to see the agreement in writing before you pay with blind faith.


----------



## Mavash.

How about "calling me rotten doesn't change the divorce laws in NY. I understand you are struggling financially however I am being consistent with what is legally required of me"


----------



## ReGroup

Mavesh, you are a machine.

Before your edit, I sent: I understand you are struggling financially however I am being more than fair given the circumstances. 

She responded with: Given the circumstances??? What circumstances.*And no you are not being fair at all.

And I went with z's suggestion.

She won't knock us off the center!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

I would have responded "circumstances as in I was cheated on and my wife left me. You may not think the child support laws are fair and that's fine. I didn't write the law I just follow it."


----------



## deejov

Brings me back to the memories of trying to get my son's daddy to pay anything years ago... the answer I always got was "If you cannot financially support our son, then give him to me and I'll raise him. Problem solved". That always made me take the $75 a month and go work two jobs instead. No f'en way. 

She's lucky. You care.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks deejov, big fan of yours!

Mrs. RG: Your responses don't even correspond *to my words.*
The day we can communicate openly and without fail, hell will probably freeze over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Mrs RG has no clue what a true deadbeat dad is.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Your responses don't even correspond *to my words.*
> The day we can communicate openly and without fail, hell will probably freeze over.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This one you ignore.

Yeah we're done.


----------



## ReGroup

She's something else.

Thank You Mavash... 

Bottom line, when ever she doesn't rock me with her hostility... Its one more small victory.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> start switching this up.
> 
> "I understand what you mean. I see things differently."


However if this is what you sent I see why she said that.

Communication means answering what they say preferably using their words when possible.

Vague answers only confuse.

You could send this "you're right I didn't answer you. What I should have said is consequences as in....." See my other post.


----------



## ReGroup

Gotcha... Thanks for pointing that out. I re addressed the email.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Gotcha... Thanks for pointing that out. I re addressed the email.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What z said was fine I just would have clarified the statement "I understand" specifically.

I understand you want more money.

I understand you don't like the child support laws.

I understand what?

Then say I see it differently and why.

This is good communication.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I would have responded "circumstances as in I was cheated on and my wife left me. You may not think the child support laws are fair and that's fine. I didn't write the law I just follow it."


This is the haymaker.


----------



## ReGroup

I refrained from using the top portion.

I know the time is nearing to hit her with that. I was under the impression that she had to ask... And then I'd unload. 

But I do get the sense its coming soon.

Mavesh, you were right... As soon as I clarified the picture for her, the communication was much more effective. Doesn't mean she agrees though.

Mrs. RG: This has nothing to do with the laws or child support. There is nothing complicated about it. We are supposed to be splitting her tuition and fees for school together. We split this fee last year as well.*
*
I have to get it through my head that I have to switch it up. I'll work on that.

*Wouldn't mentioning the cheating be finger pointing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: This has nothing to do with the laws or child support. There is nothing complicated about it. We are supposed to be splitting her tuition and fees for school together. We split this fee last year as well.*
> *
> I am have to get it through my head that I have to switch it up. I'll work on that.
> 
> *Wouldn't mentioning the cheating be finger pointing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"Where does it say we're supposed to split the tuition and fees for school? Im unaware of this rule. And just because we split it last year doesn't mean I will continue to do so. Need I remind you we are separated."

Cheating can be finger pointing or it's stating a fact.

All depends on the context.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: So you think i should stick D4 In the public school on the corner where they are under performing and have been threatened in the last 5 years to be closed ??*
It may not be "written" anywhere ReGroup but I thought you maybe would care about D4's education and giving her the best that we can.*

Funny.

I wonder why this could play out that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: So you think i should stick D4 In the public school on the corner where they are under performing and have been threatened in the last 5 years to be closed ??*
> It may not be "written" anywhere ReGroup but I thought you maybe would care about D4's education and giving her the best that we can.*
> 
> Funny.
> 
> I wonder why this could play out that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So now you're not shirking a financial obligation but don't care about Ds education instead. Lmao.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

There's gotta be a button on this soda machine somewhere that still works!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

LOL.

She's something else. We've told her NO 7 different times today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Odaat

> Then say I see it differently and why.
> 
> This is good communication.





> _______(sic) can be finger pointing or it's stating a fact.
> 
> All depends on the context.


So you can and should explain what you're thinking and feeling when it's:

a: Prompted either by question or stating a disagreement; or
b: In the proper context, or on point to the topic at hand?

It's just been my understanding that during most of this, for just about everyone going through it, explaining beyond "because" usually leads to lots of twisting of words, misplaced anger, and dilution of the point.


----------



## ReGroup

Explaining will often get you into trouble. The Drama Triangle. 
Address a question and leave it at that. Doing anything an addition to that, is asking for trouble... In our situation of course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Explaining will often get you into trouble. The Drama Triangle.


Defensively, anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

only up to post 1482......notice she stops the emails

when she realizes you know the score

Trust me....she is enraged you have the upper hand


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: So you think i should stick D4 In the public school on the corner where they are under performing and have been threatened in the last 5 years to be closed ??*
> It may not be "written" anywhere ReGroup but I thought you maybe would care about D4's education and giving her the best that we can.*
> 
> Funny.
> 
> I wonder why this could play out that way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Call her bluff.

"If that's what your budget will allow then yes D4 will have to go to a public school. I'm not paying more than I am legally required to pay. This is what happens when you go from a two income household to one. Happens everyday all around the world. Not everyone can afford private schools. That is reality."


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash, you are Beasting it!

NYC slang for: You are killing it!

Thanks. 

Chucky, we are pulling ahead.

At some point, she's going to start taking me seriously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Most men I've coached in this situation cave at this point.

"But....but.....but it's a really really good school and I don't want to give that up." And then they pay.

Im guessing they aren't very good at poker. Lol


----------



## ReGroup

Before I unleash the wrath of her next email...

I come from a single parent home. Because of this, I had to attend HS at a public school because lack of income...

With much further a due:

Mrs. RG:WHAT?!?! You, yourself have blamed your education in HS(your words!) on you being taken out of Private Schools and having to go to the public schools in the area...this is not a private vs a public thing, this is a getting the best education for our daughter...you have gone off the deep end. I am the type of parent who will do anything for my kid including break my back if it means ensuring that she gets the best education that she can get....THEY LOVE her there, you have no idea how well liked she is by everyone there, administration, teachers, the principal, even the upper grades, everyone knows D4 there...by name...you truly have no idea...your response is, thats what happens when you go from a two income household to one? *Ill remember that statement.... 
If I ever had second thoughts about you or us, you have done an INCREDIBLY thorough job at making me feel that the right thing has happened!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> ... I am the type of parent who will do anything for my kid including break my back if it means ensuring that she gets the best education that she can get....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good, then do it.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I am the type of parent who will do anything for my kid including break my back if it means ensuring that she gets the best education that she can get.
> 
> If I ever had second thoughts about you or us, you have done an INCREDIBLY thorough job at making me feel that the right thing has happened!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


These two sentences are very telling.

Here's my response:

"The irony is you'll do anything for D4 except commit to marriage. You'd rather break your back and that's your choice. I will support your decision to leave I just won't pay for it. Oh and I turned out just fine despite going to public school"


----------



## Lifescript

The second sentence is manipulative. She's hoping you'll say: wait, so you sre saying there's a chance we go back? Ok. I'll pay more.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> These two sentences are very telling.


Can you elaborate?

BTW, a month ago I would have been afraid to send that last response... I'm sending it!


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> The second sentence is manipulative. She's hoping you'll say: wait, so you sre saying there's a chance we go back? Ok. I'll pay more.


You're right it is. Good catch.

I still stand by my response. She's hoping he caves (aka coughs up the money) but his response is saying no. And I'm calling her on the R comment by proving she isn't willing to do ANYTHING for her daughter.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Can you elaborate?
> 
> BTW, a month ago I would have been afraid to send that last response... I'm sending it!


Could be manipulative like what script said or it could be another "you never fought for me" comment.

Or both. 

I'm leaning towards both. 

Btw what do you have to lose? You can still say no regardless of what she throws at you.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavesh, that was an exceptional response. 

1. It points out her flawed point of view.

2. It makes her responsible for everything going forward. "Own It".

3. And it gives me props at the end.

Wow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Mavash. said:


> These two sentences are very telling.
> 
> Here's my response:
> 
> "The irony is you'll do anything for D4 except commit to marriage. You'd rather break your back and that's your choice. I will support your decision to leave I just won't pay for it. Oh and I turned out just fine despite going to public school"


I like this response. Do you think she will view become defensive and say/think "our divorce was what was best for the child!"

Personally, I can't imagine being Mrs ReGroup, nor can I imagine what's going on in her mind. She reminds me of very similar things my ex-wife said. Which I view as no more then words to make her feel better and perhaps build upon her lack of self confidence.


----------



## Mavash.

For the record if you were divorced and chose of your own free will to pay for your daughter to attend the nicer school I'd support that.

You aren't there yet.

It's a poker game and its not time to show your hand.

Call her bluff you have more cards than she does.


----------



## Mavash.

hope4family said:


> I like this response. Do you think she will view become defensive and say/think "our divorce was what was best for the child!".


If she goes there I can address it. I'm not worried. I'll just bait her again. She's got nothing.

Oh and they aren't divorced yet.


----------



## hope4family

Mavash. said:


> If she goes there I can address it. I'm not worried. I'll just bait her again. She's got nothing.
> 
> Oh and they aren't divorced yet.


I see. So even though their marriage is teetering, there may be a chance to save it or at least reform boundaries. 

With no precedent set, making sure that you only do whats best for the child and not fund her new life is essential.


----------



## Mavash.

hope4family said:


> I see. So even though their marriage is teetering, there may be a chance to save it or at least reform boundaries.
> 
> With no precedent set, making sure that you only do whats best for the child and not fund her new life is essential.


I'm the eternal optimist. I'm aiming to try and save it.

And to do that means not funding her new life.

If she wants that new life she needs to pay for it.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Can you elaborate?
> 
> BTW, a month ago I would have been afraid to send that last response... I'm sending it!


Send it. Throw it down the middle RG. She lacks hand eye coordination. She'l strike out. Plus you have Mav in the pen. She throws 100 mph!


----------



## ReGroup

Comedy! I don't have have girlfriends or friends that smoke.

Mrs. RG: The irony dear RG is that you never realized what you had until you lost it....or, you just never wanted it...because it sure seemed like that


I committed to marriage until you gave up, and you did that years ago! I begged you to make changes, I gave you emphatic forecasts of our split if we didnt change things between us. I cried and cried and cried to you about making this work because we were in a dangerous downward spiral but you didnt care or even give a sh*t...even when things became to late..and you know this! Every Sunday, practically, crying on the couch to you...



you have NEVER even begged for us to get back together, you may have done your own healing and helping yourself but you NEVER showed me that I or our marriage was worth fighting for...I broke my back while we were together and you should have broken your back to show me how much I meant to you but you never did that, nor did you feel that you needed to do...you took a back burner approach to make us work after the fact, you felt that if I didnt make effort then you didnt need to show effort, Before we could even address me, you NEEDED to show me that you were going to be the man I always hoped that you could have been, you needed to get on bended knee and show me why....you are not the break your back type of person, you are not the go to the ends of the earth type of person and you are not the Ill do anything to get what I want type of person...that however, is the type of person I am, dedicated, motivated and determined...and I applied all of that to our relationship until it became to dismal for me to even see clearly....I lost myself and who I was towards the end because of the lack of love, communication, compatibility and happiness that seemed to be a far cry in the distance.


I havent asked you to give me $xxx a month additionally, I havent asked you to do anything but reimburse me when you can because I paid something that was required for D4's schooling. When I suffer financially, D4 suffers too...but like I said, you are not that type of person or man I suppose to understand the depths of what Im trying to communicate with you in this email.


It is so scary to feel this disconnected to you, someone who I spent almost a decade with...I think that says alot. You dont believe in many things and it shows....hopefully you grow up one of these days and begin to understand about life and people and what it means to be someone's husband, boyfriend or father and son. Its not just a title or an excuse to hang out with people.


Also I would appreciate you asking your friend not to smoke in front of D4. It seems that when D4 is with you, she is exposed to seeing many of your "girl friends" smoking...dont you know any better??...kids are statistically more likely to pick up smoking when they are exposed to seeing people smoke...Please consider things like this when you have her around people who are drinking and smoking because she picks up on it and talks about it and asks questions.....


----------



## zillard

All your fault. No accountability, much less remorse.

I got one almost identical to this early on in my thread. The difference - I did beg. But she likened it to slamming on brakes when the car was already over the cliff. Pushed her away faster. You doing so would not have helped. Not with an om in the mix.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Honestly, I read someone who is just trying to make you suffer. Show you the "error" of your ways. 

I mean you got a book, instead of a one liner. If anything that tells me she feels connected, but feels you detaching and hates it. She even says so. 

Lastly, it's about control. Control through your child. The absolute worst kind. I never read here where she refutes or argues that she was fired. Essentially that's admission that she fired you, then states her reasons which seems hardly breaking her back.

Edit: That being said, you may have been a slob to live with, and made a lot of mistakes. But I wonder how much the punishment fits the crime?


----------



## Lifescript

Wow! 

Narcissistic + blame-shifter + manipulative (using the child to hurt you) + emasculation (you don't know how to be a man, father, husband, son). W said similar things. She's so angry. Don't pay even a penny more than the 17%.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I cried and cried and cried to you about making this work because we were in a dangerous downward spiral but you didnt care or even give a sh*t...even when things became to late..and you know this! Every Sunday, practically, crying on the couch to you...


I was told this too. She was in tears, crying to me and I dismissed her to watch tv. 

I acknowledge that I did neglect her emotionally. I was withdrawn. I did not listen when I should have. 

But never once did I ignore a wife in tears. I'm a sucker for tears. I'm a fixer, after all. I thrive on saving. Any chance to help with her problems to ignore my own. No, I never turned her away while she was crying. She may have felt that bad, as if she was literally in tears, but I did not know, because there were none.

I imagine it was similar with you.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Comedy! I don't have have girlfriends or friends that smoke.
> 
> Mrs. RG: The irony dear RG is that you never realized what you had until you lost it....or, you just never wanted it...because it sure seemed like that
> 
> 
> I committed to marriage until you gave up, and you did that years ago! I begged you to make changes, I gave you emphatic forecasts of our split if we didnt change things between us. I cried and cried and cried to you about making this work because we were in a dangerous downward spiral but you didnt care or even give a sh*t...even when things became to late..and you know this! Every Sunday, practically, crying on the couch to you...
> 
> 
> 
> you have NEVER even begged for us to get back together, you may have done your own healing and helping yourself but you NEVER showed me that I or our marriage was worth fighting for...I broke my back while we were together and you should have broken your back to show me how much I meant to you but you never did that, nor did you feel that you needed to do...you took a back burner approach to make us work after the fact, you felt that if I didnt make effort then you didnt need to show effort, Before we could even address me, you NEEDED to show me that you were going to be the man I always hoped that you could have been, you needed to get on bended knee and show me why....you are not the break your back type of person, you are not the go to the ends of the earth type of person and you are not the Ill do anything to get what I want type of person...that however, is the type of person I am, dedicated, motivated and determined...and I applied all of that to our relationship until it became to dismal for me to even see clearly....I lost myself and who I was towards the end because of the lack of love, communication, compatibility and happiness that seemed to be a far cry in the distance.
> 
> 
> I havent asked you to give me $xxx a month additionally, I havent asked you to do anything but reimburse me when you can because I paid something that was required for D4's schooling. When I suffer financially, D4 suffers too...but like I said, you are not that type of person or man I suppose to understand the depths of what Im trying to communicate with you in this email.
> 
> 
> It is so scary to feel this disconnected to you, someone who I spent almost a decade with...I think that says alot. You dont believe in many things and it shows....hopefully you grow up one of these days and begin to understand about life and people and what it means to be someone's husband, boyfriend or father and son. Its not just a title or an excuse to hang out with people.
> 
> 
> Also I would appreciate you asking your friend not to smoke in front of D4. It seems that when D4 is with you, she is exposed to seeing many of your "girl friends" smoking...dont you know any better??...kids are statistically more likely to pick up smoking when they are exposed to seeing people smoke...Please consider things like this when you have her around people who are drinking and smoking because she picks up on it and talks about it and asks questions.....


She's delusional.

Here's my response to this drivel.

"Lots to respond to so I will do my best to cover everything. If I leave anything out let me know. Let me see if I understand you correctly. 

You want a break your back guy and I'm not him. Is that what you are saying? 

When you suffer financially D4 does too. I understand that. I'm still not paying more than I'm legally required to pay.

Your request about friends smoking is noted. I'm not aware of this presently happening but I will be sure to put a stop to it should it come up in the future."


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> She's delusional.
> 
> Here's my response to this drivel.
> 
> "Lots to respond to so I will do my best to cover everything. If I leave anything out let me know. Let me see if I understand you correctly.
> 
> You want a break your back guy and I'm not him. Is that what you are saying?
> 
> When you suffer financially D4 does too. I understand that. I'm still not paying more than I'm legally required to pay.
> 
> Your request about friends smoking is noted. I'm not aware of this presently happening but I will be sure to put a stop to it should it come up in the future."


Mav, you are damn good. I can only imagine her face when she reads this.


----------



## hope4family

Mavash...write a book. PLEASE.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavesh, take your victory lap!

Mrs. RG: Forget it... you have already engaged me enough in the last few days.

What a bashing!


----------



## zillard

"guess I'll have to suck it up." no more soda


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavesh, take your victory lap!
> 
> Mrs. RG: Forget it... you have already engaged me enough in the last few days.
> 
> What a bashing!


Success is when you get angry people to shut up.

Congrats you did it. I just provided the words. You're doing the heavy lifting.

NOW you're done.


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> "guess I'll have to suck it up." no more soda


Yes. 

The more I study mrs RG the more I understand her. 

She's got narcissistic tendencies, wants not only to cake eat but for RG to fight for her as in she's already got a posOM and is daring RG to "bring it". She wants to be fought over and gets off on that fantasy. 

So the answer is to do the exact opposite. A man worth his salt will not fight to keep any woman - makes for a good chick flick but doesn't translate to real life. If she wants to go offer to help her pack, let her go and do not under any circumstances pay for it.


----------



## Ceegee

The last few days of this thread have been a lab study in behavioral psychology; conducted by Regroup and directed by Dr. Mavash.

Nice job RG.

Still waiting for your app to appear in iTunes Mavash.


----------



## Lifescript

RG, don't you ever delete this thread. This is perfect teachings on how to communicate with angry people. 

She's narcissistic for sure. Look how many times she said you needed to be on your knees, break your back.


----------



## Pbartender

zillard said:


> I was told this too. She was in tears, crying to me and I dismissed her to watch tv.
> 
> I acknowledge that I did neglect her emotionally. I was withdrawn. I did not listen when I should have.
> 
> But never once did I ignore a wife in tears. I'm a sucker for tears. I'm a fixer, after all. I thrive on saving. Any chance to help with her problems to ignore my own. No, I never turned her away while she was crying. She may have felt that bad, as if she was literally in tears, but I did not know, because there were none.
> 
> I imagine it was similar with you.


Same, here, too...

AXW asked me at one point, "You never saw me crying myself to sleep every night?"

No, of course, I didn't... She'd stay up late playing video games, or watching movies or reading a book, just to avoid me. Or, she'd go to bed early. If we ever happened to get to bed at the same time, she'd be asleep and snoring in 30 seconds flat.

If I ever saw her actually crying I always asked her, "What's wrong? What can I do to help?" And her answer was always, "Nothing, I'm fine."


----------



## Ceegee

Lifescript said:


> RG, ...She's narcissistic for sure. Look how many times she said you needed to be on your knees, break your back.


If she's anything like my wife it's more often than she was on her knees.


----------



## Mavash.

Pbartender said:


> Same, here, too...
> 
> AXW asked me at one point, "You never saw me crying myself to sleep every night?"
> 
> No, of course, I didn't... She'd stay up late playing video games, or watching movies or reading a book, just to avoid me. Or, she'd go to bed early. If we ever happened to get to bed at the same time, she'd be asleep and snoring in 30 seconds flat.
> 
> If I ever saw her actually crying I always asked her, "What's wrong? What can I do to help?" And her answer was always, "Nothing, I'm fine."


Could write a book on this topic alone.

This is what women who have no idea how to get their needs met act.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Yes.
> 
> The more I study mrs RG the more I understand her.
> 
> She's got narcissistic tendencies, wants not only to cake eat but for RG to fight for her as in she's already got a posOM and is daring RG to "bring it". She wants to be fought over and gets off on that fantasy.
> 
> So the answer is to do the exact opposite. A man worth his salt will not fight to keep any woman - makes for a good chick flick but doesn't translate to real life. If she wants to go offer to help her pack, let her go and do not under any circumstances pay for it.


I always assumed THIS but didn't know how to deal with it properly.

She'd do things (yes I let her) and when inturn ... I'd do something similar... their would be hell to pay.

I would point out the hypocrisy and it brought more Drama.

All I know is... This Isn't Over.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I always assumed THIS but didn't know how to deal with it properly.
> 
> She'd do things (yes I let her) and when inturn ... I'd do something similar... their would be hell to pay.
> 
> I would point out the hypocrisy and it brought more Drama.
> 
> All I know is... This Isn't Over.


That's why I'm here. Luckily for you I'm fluent in both angry women and narcissism. 

And no it's far from over.

You aren't getting off that easy. Lol


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> Could write a book on this topic alone.
> 
> This is what women who have no idea how to get their needs met act.


Sometimes I wonder if she even knows what her needs are to begin with.

"He is the first person I have ever known who makes me feel like I am not broken..."

"...who thinks I am smart and beautiful and who totally does not realize how lucky I am to have him in my life..."

"I feel like he is someone who is supposed to be in my life for the rest of my life."

These are all things she said about posOM recently.
These are all things she said about me 15 years ago.

All this has happened before. All this will happen again.


----------



## Lifescript

These ##%! Girls are all the same. I heard the same things from W about posOM. "He liked me for who I am." "Didn't ask me to change anything."


----------



## zillard

Lifescript said:


> These ##%! Girls are all the same. I heard the same things from W about posOM. "He liked me for who I am." "Didn't ask me to change anything."


Key word there is "girls". Not women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> Key word there is "girls". Not women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Emotionally immature is what it is. Women on the outside girls on the inside.


----------



## Pbartender

Lifescript said:


> "Didn't ask me to change anything."


Not yet... just wait. 

And I don't think it's just girls. Guys do it, too, but just express it in a different way.

I think what's going on is that they problems. They know they have problems, but don't want to go through the difficult, painful process of actually fixing those problems. So, they pretend that they don't have problems, and avoid them.

They don't want a guy who will encourage her to fix the problem herself... That would mean taking personal responsibility.

They don't want a guy who will fix their problems for them... That would mean acknowledging the problem exists.

(...believe me, I'd been both...)

What they want is a guy who will also pretend that the problems don't exist. That's what they mean by, "He likes me for who I am," and "He doesn't ask me to change."

The problem is that, whenever you fall in love, you have those weeks, months or years of the honeymoon phase, during which your partner is perfection and you simply can't see their faults no matter how hard you try. So...

Every guy she ever falls in love with pretends her problems don't exist for the first few months... Every guy she fall in love with looks like a guy who "likes her for who she is". Once the infatuation wears off, though, he starts seeing her for who she is, and he suddenly stops being someone who "doesn't ask her to change".

That will never change, until she decides to change it.


----------



## Pbartender

Pbartender said:


> The problem is that, whenever you fall in love, you have those weeks, months or years of the honeymoon phase, during which your partner is perfection and you simply can't see their faults no matter how hard you try. So...
> 
> Every guy she ever falls in love with pretends her problems don't exist for the first few months... Every guy she fall in love with looks like a guy who "likes her for who she is". Once the infatuation wears off, though, he starts seeing her for who she is, and he suddenly stops being someone who "doesn't ask her to change".
> 
> That will never change, until she decides to change it.


I was still thinking on this, and it occurs to me that it's an addiction of sorts...



> ...defines addiction as a disorder in which a behaviour that can function both to produce pleasure and to provide escape from internal discomfort is employed in a pattern characterized by:
> 
> recurrent failure to control the behaviour;
> continuation of the behaviour despite significant harmful consequences.


They are addicted to infatuation. They show all the hallmarks of addiction... It allows them to forget about their problems and it makes them feel fantastic. They continue to involve themselves in EAs and PAs, despite the fact the it destroys any real, worthwhile relationships they might have had.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Pbartender said:


> I was still thinking on this, and it occurs to me that it's an addiction of sorts...
> 
> 
> 
> They are addicted to infatuation. They show all the hallmarks of addiction... It allows them to forget about their problems and it makes them feel fantastic. They continue to involve themselves in EAs and PAs, despite the fact the it destroys any real, worthwhile relationships they might have had.


Bingo! 

Not only that, seriously, you think any posOM cares about personality flaws? They just want to get laid and exit the premises.


----------



## Chuck71

caught up on thread but too sleepy to post LOL

what 14 hours days will do.....Group.....

rock on!


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. ReGroup is asking key details for The Big Settlement revision.

Time to buckle up and stay focused.

Mav's whopping yesterday has got her motivated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Odaat

Nothing more dangerous than something/somebody cornered. Absolutely stay focused, you can do this.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Quite the interesting thread.


----------



## ReGroup

UpDaddy, you bailed on us!

Join the excitement more often.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> UpDaddy, you bailed on us!
> 
> Join the excitement more often.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mavvie seems to have this under control.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup is asking key details for The Big Settlement revision.
> 
> Time to buckle up and stay focused.
> 
> Mav's whopping yesterday has got her motivated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course she is.

Cake eating isn't going so well.

So predictable.

She might be bluffing so keep your poker face on.


----------



## Chuck71

Smile when you serve her the deserved McSh!t sammy


----------



## ReGroup

D4 Exchange Complete.

In person, Mrs. ReGroup always leaves "The Angry Mask" at home. 

She joined us on the train after pick up. She seemed to be heading downtown to the gym.

Where I once focused on her every twitch, she's now focused on everyone of mine.

"Why are you sitting so far away"
- we were face to face
"Why are you not talking to me"
- we were, but at times I was settling in.
"Why are you so distant"
- ???

She wanted my attention and I gave it mostly to D4. Jovial, cool and confident.

She then commented about a family friend of mine: I saw her last weekend and she was stoned faced towards me. You know why right?
- I side stepped it.

Attractive woman got off the train with us and one of staples of our relationship: If Mrs. ReG thinks I think she's attractive... Watch out. I better not look. Today? I looked. She made a comment to herself. Lol.

Then D4 asks me: Dad, who's party are we going to today.

RG: Its a surprise.

Mrs RG: Your dad doesn't want me to know.

WTF

We go our separate ways. Then I hear, "ReGroup"... I turn back... "You can't even say bye???"... I say, "Hasta Luego".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG, you gotta write a book when this is over, this stuff is too good for just the motely crew on this blog.


----------



## 06Daddio08

That's idiotic, what she said about you not wanting her to know. In front of your child.


----------



## Mavash.

All predictable.

You've turned the tables on her.

Feels good doesn't it?


----------



## GutPunch

She just can't get that stupid non-functioning soda machine out of her mind.

She is definitely second guessing herself now.

In the great words of Larry Holmes (Heavyweight Champ of the World) ....." We see who the man be was"


----------



## zillard

Regroup rocks. And she knows it now. 

A lot of stubbornness, pride, and self hatred in the way though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

get your telescopes ready


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: The line that you dont like about non reimbursed educational expenses...are you*concerned*that it is going to tie you into splitting D4's tuition with me? if so, thats not it, its about the college... 
my attorney said that he wants to invoke the full standards child support act and make you pay the 17% percent instead of me accepting the $xxx. He thinks you are jerking me around with everything that you are doing with these papers and that its clear that you dont have an attorney. He said any*further*revisions after this (because I have given you everything that you want ReGroup) he said must be made attorney to attorney because he said he's wasting his time and my money on this...the more time he spends on this the more money it is, dont you realize that...??
I am willing to ask him to put back the original $xxx.00 but this needs to be it...you have to stop the petty wording because I have given you everything you, lets just get this over with already....
let me know

- She clearly doesn't know what she's talking about. The way the settlement was worded indicated that I was responsible for 17pct and half of everything else - my "make believe lawyer" even said so.

She tried to revise that document herself or her lawyer is being as dumb as she is.

What do you guys advise?

What is she talking about?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

It's a bluff........

She is being a used car salesman

They give you more trade-in value than you expected

but will not budget on sticker price

"this is what I am obligated to pay, 17% and half other"

she'll get the hint


----------



## GutPunch

The way the settlement was worded indicated that I was responsible for 17pct and half of everything else. Not acceptable. I am fine with attorney to attorney discussions in the future.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: The line that you dont like about non reimbursed educational expenses...are you*concerned*that it is going to tie you into splitting D4's tuition with me? if so, thats not it, its about the college...
> my attorney said that he wants to invoke the full standards child support act and make you pay the 17% percent instead of me accepting the $xxx. He thinks you are jerking me around with everything that you are doing with these papers and that its clear that you dont have an attorney. He said any*further*revisions after this (because I have given you everything that you want ReGroup) he said must be made attorney to attorney because he said he's wasting his time and my money on this...the more time he spends on this the more money it is, dont you realize that...??
> I am willing to ask him to put back the original $xxx.00 but this needs to be it...you have to stop the petty wording because I have given you everything you, lets just get this over with already....
> let me know
> 
> - She clearly doesn't know what she's talking about. The way the settlement was worded indicated that I was responsible for 17pct and half of everything else - my "make believe lawyer" even said so.
> 
> She tried to revise that document herself or her lawyer is being as dumb as she is.
> 
> What do you guys advise?
> 
> What is she talking about?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's bluffing. Call her on it.

"I agree that further revisions need to be made attorney to attorney. So have your attorney make the changes and send them to mine for review. My attorneys name is xxx xxx (give email, address, phone number)"


----------



## Lifescript

I'm with Mav. It's a bluff.


----------



## ReGroup

Once again, thanks for the help everyone.

I sent the email half an hour ago and now waiting for a response.

Contact Info and all.

Like Mav said, we have more cards to show when ready.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

You guys called it.

Call came in from a number I didn't recognize... Mrs. RG!

Mrs. RG: Why are you making this more difficult than it needs to be. Do you want me to include the amount you asked for or go all in with the NY Child Support Standard Act?

RG: Have your attorney contact mine.

Mrs. RG: Are you getting free services. Why are you hiring a lawyer?

RG: Send the revision to my attorney; if we agree then we'll sign and notarize.

Mrs. RG: I can't believe you are being so difficult. What is wrong with you. Are you getting free services? Why did you hire an attorney when WE have to pay for this one.

RG: I am not paying for your attorney.

Mrs. RG: I am being screwed in all of this. I am the one being screwed... You cheap F*CK!

RG: I can't continue this conversation... Bye.

She's now blowing up my phone.

Mrs. RG text: Stop being a coward, I need to talk to you.

Mrs. RG email: Because you're getting free services, you are acting like this?


----------



## happyman64

RG
Your wife is getting crazier. I did not think it was possible. 

Good Luck and congrats on your new demeanor. It suits you. 

HM64
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## K.C.

Standing up for yourself only because its free haha. Frazy ass.


----------



## ReGroup

HM, she's delusional as well.

Mrs. RG: I wanted to keep this simple and not ugly. And now you are making this ugly. This is now going to be drawn out. Why can't you just let me go. Never in my wildest dreams could I have forecasted or predicted that you would be so horrible to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> HM, she's delusional as well.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wanted to keep this simple and not ugly. And now you are making this ugly. This is now going to be drawn out. Why can't you just let me go. Never in my wildest dreams could I have forecasted or predicted that you would be so horrible to me.


"I never expected consequences. This sucks. What happened to my doormat!?"


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> HM, she's delusional as well.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wanted to keep this simple and not ugly. And now you are making this ugly. This is now going to be drawn out. Why can't you just let me go. Never in my wildest dreams could I have forecasted or predicted that you would be so horrible to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



HAHA....Things are not going exactly the way I want them too. 
I want the old ReGroup back. Who is this man with the strong backbone?


----------



## Canardo

Wow. Just wow.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> HM, she's delusional as well.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wanted to keep this simple and not ugly. And now you are making this ugly. This is now going to be drawn out. Why can't you just let me go. Never in my wildest dreams could I have forecasted or predicted that you would be so horrible to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha! 

They all say the same thing.


----------



## Conrad

regroup said:


> you guys called it.
> 
> Call came in from a number i didn't recognize... Mrs. Rg!
> 
> Mrs. Rg: Why are you making this more difficult than it needs to be. Do you want me to include the amount you asked for or go all in with the ny child support standard act?
> 
> Rg: Have your attorney contact mine.
> 
> Mrs. Rg: Are you getting free services. Why are you hiring a lawyer?
> 
> Rg: Send the revision to my attorney; if we agree then we'll sign and notarize.
> 
> Mrs. Rg: I can't believe you are being so difficult. What is wrong with you. Are you getting free services? Why did you hire an attorney when we have to pay for this one.
> 
> Rg: I am not paying for your attorney.
> 
> Mrs. Rg: I am being screwed in all of this. I am the one being screwed... You cheap f*ck!
> 
> Rg: I can't continue this conversation... Bye.
> 
> She's now blowing up my phone.
> 
> Mrs. Rg text: Stop being a coward, i need to talk to you.
> 
> Mrs. Rg email: Because you're getting free services, you are acting like this?


hang up sooner


----------



## GutPunch

He's back from the weekend hiatus.


----------



## ReGroup

And, now the grand daddy of all messages...

Mrs. RG: I have never tried to screw you over nor will I. It's too bad that you can't see that. That's love. What you're doing is hatred. 

First I don't have an attorney, now that she knows that I do... She's acting bizarre.

"Let me go"? I haven't stood in her way ever since she called for this to end.

Chucky was right.

Chip, where the hell have you been my man?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> He's back from the weekend hiatus.


We sold $4,400 worth of Janie's products at the Southern Women's Show.

Amazing time.


----------



## Conrad

Here's the other part.

Show hours were:

Thurs - 10-7
Friday - 10-8
Saturday 10-7
Sunday 11-6

Ten thousand very attractive women attending the show. I stood the entire time passing out product samples and selling. We averaged $1,100/day in 4-10 dollar sales.

I'm not tired.

The words flow from the force regardless of circumstance.

And, you have boundless energy to work.


----------



## Mavash.

> Mrs. RG: Why are you making this more difficult than it needs to be. Do you want me to include the amount you asked for or go all in with the NY Child Support Standard Act?


The child support standard act will be fine.



> Mrs. RG: Are you getting free services. Why are you hiring a lawyer?


It's customary to get an attorney in a divorce.



> Mrs. RG: I can't believe you are being so difficult. What is wrong with you. Are you getting free services? Why did you hire an attorney when WE have to pay for this one.


I wanted my own attorney and I'm not paying for yours.



> Mrs. RG: I am being screwed in all of this. I am the one being screwed... You cheap F*CK!


(good place to put that phrase you love so much)

I'm sorry you are struggling financially. 

Oh and I think you hung up just fine.



> Mrs. RG text: Stop being a coward, I need to talk to you.


I don't respond to name calling or profanity.



> Mrs. RG email: Because you're getting free services, you are acting like this?


Acting like what? 

This is new communication - learn it.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> The child support standard act will be fine.
> 
> 
> 
> It's customary to get an attorney in a divorce.
> 
> 
> 
> I wanted my own attorney and I'm not paying for yours.
> 
> 
> 
> (good place to put that phrase you love so much)
> 
> I'm sorry you are struggling financially.
> 
> Oh and I think you hung up just fine.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't respond to name calling or profanity.
> 
> 
> 
> Acting like what?
> 
> This is new communication - learn it.


Group,

Before this little dustup is over - if you stay with Mav's communication style - you're going to get a chance to land the posOM haymaker.

I would advise it.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> HM, she's delusional as well.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wanted to keep this simple and not ugly. And now you are making this ugly. This is now going to be drawn out. Why can't you just let me go. Never in my wildest dreams could I have forecasted or predicted that you would be so horrible to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Translation: I wanted you to let me go AND pay for it. Now you have boundaries and I'm going to fight you on them. Why can't you just do what I want? Never in my wildest dreams could I have predicted that you would stand up to me. 

LOL


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: I have never tried to screw you over nor will I. It's too bad that you can't see that. That's love. What you're doing is hatred.


Picture a 3 year old screaming "If you loved me you'd give me that candy. I hate you" at the checkout counter.

That's all this is.


----------



## ReGroup

Screaming like a child she is.

"The Haymaker" is going to bring the house down. What kind of effect could it have?

She's asking my attorney to contact hers... ??? She makes no sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Screaming like a child she is.
> 
> "The Haymaker" is going to bring the house down. What kind of effect could it have?
> 
> She's asking my attorney to contact hers... ??? She makes no sense.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Say "my attorney already contacted yours in XX month when I sent my offer. The way it works is YOUR attorney now needs to contact MINE. Not the other way around."


----------



## Bullwinkle

Wow, RG, my hat is off to you.

Conrad, we thought you got banned again.


----------



## Conrad

Bullwinkle said:


> Wow, RG, my hat is off to you.
> 
> Conrad, we thought you got banned again.


I've been a good boy.


----------



## ReGroup

I wrote Mav's recommended comments and ...

Mrs. RG: I adhere to everything that you want. I have given you everything that you need and you continuously bring me to tears with how nasty and passive aggressive and a bully that you are. You refuse to ever answer any of my questions about anything. You choose to have no communication with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

Doormat to bully! A full 360 degree turnaround. 

She is cracking. She can't think about posom when
ReGroup is all she can think about.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I wrote Mav's recommended comments and ...
> 
> Mrs. RG: I adhere to everything that you want. I have given you everything that you need and you continuously bring me to tears with how nasty and passive aggressive and a bully that you are. You refuse to ever answer any of my questions about anything. You choose to have no communication with me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here ya go:

"I'm sorry you are upset. Is there a question I neglected to answer? I thought I answered them all."

I'm ignoring the "no communication" comment because that is her truth and I'm not going to debate it. It's her truth and she has the right to it. Doesn't affect you so what does it matter?


----------



## ReGroup

Ok Mavesh, I sent the message.

She said: U don't feel sorry. That I ignore all of her questions.

I am starting to question my sanity now.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Ok Mavesh, I sent the message.
> 
> She said: I don't feel sorry. That I ignore all of her questions.
> 
> I am starting to question my sanity now.


I have a feeling you are not alone.

Do not clarify - just let it lie.


----------



## ReGroup

Alright, I am going to let it lie.

The reaction to me having an attorney was astonishing. Like she thought all this time I was just sitting on my hands.

Her saying: Why can't you let me go? Is even more confusing. 
I HAVE!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Alright, I am going to let it lie.
> 
> The reaction to me having an attorney was astonishing. Like she thought all this time I was just sitting on my hands.
> 
> Her saying: Why can't you let me go? Is even more confusing.
> I HAVE!


Her state of utter disbelief means this isn't anywhere near the last time.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Ok Mavesh, I sent the message.
> 
> She said: U don't feel sorry. That I ignore all of her questions.
> 
> I am starting to question my sanity now.


That's what we are here for. Your sanity is perfectly fine. People like her are skilled at making you feel crazy it's how they get you to own their problems and take the blame. It's everywhere.

Even I have to have a sanity check from time to time. If you've been immersed in this type dynamic for any length of time it's hard to see things clearly at first.

And Conrad is right don't answer this one. 

You're done until the next round.


----------



## hope4family

Typical abandonment script IMO. 

WS - "I want a divorce." 
BS - "I hired an attourney to..."
WS - "You did what?!"

As if its all your fault.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> The reaction to me having an attorney was astonishing. Like she thought all this time I was just sitting on my hands.
> 
> Her saying: Why can't you let me go? Is even more confusing.
> I HAVE!


Weren't you? She pictured you pining away for her waiting for her to tire of PosOM so she'd come back to you. She's watched entirely too many chick flicks. The world revolves around her and ALL men want her including you. 

The "why can't you let me go" translated means "why can't you let me CAKE EAT." See to her boundaries = game playing to get her back. It's still all about her. Make sense?


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup, you got this.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> She said: U don't feel sorry. That I ignore all of her questions.


BTW I know what questions she's referring to that you aren't answering. Was baiting her to see if she'd own it. She didn't because like the other day she's got no right to know the answers to 'those' questions so she's vague instead.

She's hoping you'll roll over and give her what she wants which is complete and total access to your life as she sees fit.


----------



## Conrad

Shaking my head in disbelief that she's a school counselor.


----------



## hope4family

Mavash. said:


> BTW I know what questions she's referring to that you aren't answering. Was baiting her to see if she'd own it. She didn't because like the other day she's got no right to know the answers to 'those' questions so she's vague instead.
> 
> She's hoping you'll roll over and give her what she wants which is complete and total access to your life as she sees fit.


This, and get ready for a double blind.

Do your due diligence with your lawyer. Who knows, it may actually be more in your favor then you realize to stick to the laws or even if her bluff is called. 

Sometimes though, as in my case. The random 1 day a week she sees the child is better then having a court order to have him more at 50/50 that she would break anyway. 

Pick those battles well.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Shaking my head in disbelief that she's a school counselor.


I think her skills are a detriment here.

I see therapy type lingo in her communication.

Notice how she's never direct? A good counselor is kinda like that. They don't come out and tell you what's wrong they expect you to figure it out.

She's trying to do the same thing with RG except it's all twisted and wrong.


----------



## ReGroup

It's making sense bit by bit Mav. 

Her actions don't match her words - if it was me driving this thing... We would have filed already. 

I have to understand that she's still testing the old soda machine and/or Fitness Testing me. Move me any way she can whether it be via insults, D4, manipulation, etc...

Mind you - when we are in person... None of this happens - it's incredible. 

Yesterday, before the exchange I texted her wanting a blazer that was still at her place. She responded with: I donated all your stuff - you told me to throw it out.

I replied with: Ok.

When I dropped of D4... Guess who had my blazer on her arms? 

Like Chip said a month ago in regards to throwing away my stuff: No way she's doing that.

Call to D4 went unanswered tonight - predictable.

I spoke to a friend just now and told him about her "let me go" comment and he says, "That was strange, how she say let her go when u pay her no mind."

Sanity still intact.

Did Script Nuke his thread?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

I did RG. Will probably start a new one once new info is available (lol). She said we would talk tonight. If we do, I won't say much. Will agree with her wanting it over. No fighting it or explaining. 

Mrs. RG comment is sad. She NEEDS to believe you are fighting for her. RG vs. PosOM is much more thrilling than just Mrs. RG & posOM happily ever after. She knows it's a delusion.


----------



## Mavash.

> It's making sense bit by bit Mav.


Once you crack the code anyone is easy to figure out once you study them a bit.



> Her actions don't match her words - if it was me driving this thing... We would have filed already.


She doesn't want a divorce. She wants you to pine for her, to fight for her, she wants drama, spark and fireworks.



> I have to understand that she's still testing the old soda machine and/or Fitness Testing me. Move me any way she can whether it be via insults, D4, manipulation, etc...


All of the above. 



> Mind you - when we are in person... None of this happens - it's incredible.


She's a dark wizard of Oz hiding behind a computer or a phone. 



> Yesterday, before the exchange I texted her wanting a blazer that was still at her place. She responded with: I donated all your stuff - you told me to throw it out.
> 
> I replied with: Ok.
> 
> When I dropped of D4... Guess who had my blazer on her arms?


Fitness test. You passed and won your blazer back. Congratulations. 



> Like Chip said a month ago in regards to throwing away my stuff: No way she's doing that.


Of course not. Why would she pitch bargaining tools? 



> Call to D4 went unanswered tonight - predictable.


Yes you must be punished. Look who isn't putting your daughter's needs first. 



> I spoke to a friend just now and told him about her "let me go" comment and he says, "That was strange, how she say let her go when u pay her no mind."


Pure delusion.



> Sanity still intact.


Good....keep it. You will need it for the battles that are coming.



> Did Script Nuke his thread?


Yes to be safe.


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> Mrs. RG comment is sad. She NEEDS to believe you are fighting for her. RG vs. PosOM is much more thrilling than just Mrs. RG & posOM happily ever after. She knows it's a delusion.


Agree I don't even think she likes PosOM that much. He's just a convenient distraction.

If he were so wonderful she would have already divorced RG by now to live happily ever after with him.


----------



## hope4family

So a lot of interesting developments in this thread. Where are you going to take this from here RG? Do you want to attempt R or are you moving more towards divorce?


----------



## Conrad

hope4family said:


> So a lot of interesting developments in this thread. Where are you going to take this from here RG? Do you want to attempt R or are you moving more towards divorce?


He's still observing.

And, having the time of his life.


----------



## ReGroup

H4F, Chip is right.

She's actually opening my eyes to many things I would have never noticed before. 

When I started this journey... I believed it was all my fault.

Now, we clearly can see that she has as many or more POS tendencies as I do.

The more she fights, stalls, curses me out, acts up... The more I learn about her and myself.

She has done me a great favor. 

So, I'll sit back and take notes. More learning to do and enjoying every second of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

It's a journey that we all go down. I am glad you are being patient to learn these truths about yourself.

P.s. My ex wife still brings up things that shock me. That unfortunately wont go away, so coping methods, boundaries, indifference, 50,000ft view, are the best ways to handle it.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> H4F, Chip is right.
> 
> She's actually opening my eyes to many things I would have never noticed before.
> 
> When I started this journey... I believed it was all my fault.
> 
> Now, we clearly can see that she has as many or more POS tendencies as I do.
> 
> The more she fights, stalls, curses me out, acts up... The more I learn about her and myself.
> 
> She has done me a great favor.
> 
> So, I'll sit back and take notes. More learning to do and enjoying every second of it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Zillard's thread is a great example of moving through this - from observation of the overnite overwrought texts to something healthier.

Janie and I have trod a similar path.

As I mentioned, we had a great craft show last weekend. Nary a negative word exchanged. Hot sex... everything. I'm the apple of her eye.

Yesterday, I'm at work and she mentions a credit card won't go through for a show we're doing in 8-10 months. She asks me to call the lady and get it straightened out.

I hit the pause button:

"I have 4 admissions today at the hospital"

"Ok, we'll talk about it later"

Yes, I could have taken a few minutes and "fixed" it.

Would that have been the best thing to do?

Let's discuss it.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> As I mentioned, we had a great craft show last weekend. Nary a negative word exchanged. Hot sex... everything. I'm the apple of her eye.
> 
> Yesterday, I'm at work and she mentions a credit card won't go through for a show we're doing in 8-10 months. She asks me to call the lady and get it straightened out.
> 
> I hit the pause button:
> 
> "I have 4 admissions today at the hospital"
> 
> "Ok, we'll talk about it later"
> 
> Yes, I could have taken a few minutes and "fixed" it.
> 
> Would that have been the best thing to do?
> 
> Let's discuss it.


Minor, but still a fitness test. You had a great weekend. So you are now "hers" again, right? Come to her aid at the drop of a hat? Because you are hooked again, right? 

Let's find out.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Minor, but still a fitness test. You had a great weekend. So you are now "hers" again, right? Come to her aid at the drop of a hat? Because you are hooked again, right?
> 
> Let's find out.


Easier to forgive when you realize it's all subconscious.


----------



## Mavash.

There are two types of people out there. Givers and takers. Without awareness these people are drawn to each other like moths to a flame. Yin/yang, light/dark, rescuer/victim, it's all the same really. If you're codependent and most of us are you need someone to be codependent WITH.

This dynamic once it gets going is hard to stop. The grooves are well worn. Old habits hard to break and all that. So what appears to be an innocent request for help actually has the potential to open that codependent door open again.

Givers and rescuers (and you know who you are ) need to be VERY mindful of those innocent requests for help. I had a taker in my life and my therapist said I needed to tell her "no" just for the practice and because I had said yes too often in the past. Our relationship was imbalanced.

What's odd about this is you can swing to extremes if you're not careful. I used to be a taker then became a giver. Neither are good btw.

Ideally the goal is to strive for balance in all your relationships. Identify if someone is a giver or a taker and adjust your behavior accordingly. Meeting someone who gives all the time might seem like the answer to your dreams but they will grow to resent you if it's allowed to continue. 

My husband is a giver which is of course why I married him. These days I will "gently" stop him from doing things I know he doesn't want to do. No I don't own his people pleasing problem but I'm not going to pretend it doesn't exist either.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> What's odd about this is you can swing to extremes if you're not careful. I used to be a taker then became a giver. Neither are good btw.


That balance is what I've lacked in the past. I can see now that through a decade with my X I did go from one extreme to the other, and back again. 

I started as a giver. Absolutely rescued her. Our relationship went to the next level with her moving in, right when things were getting real bad between her and her mother. 

Years later I was irresponsible. Not paying bills, no shared chores. Leaning on her as I would a mother. Years after that the roles reversed again with me being on the more responsible end of a very parental relationship. 

Balance is the key and awareness is necessary for that to happen.


----------



## ReGroup

Frankly, this is getting annoying...

I never agreed to pay for her lawyer. I agreed to pay for the courting fees - it's well document. She is ALL over the freaking place yet again. Its like she takes a day off, re-energizes and sends another long email pleading for help.
-----------------------------------
Mrs. RG: 

RG,* 
I paid $300 for D4's tuition last week, I also took her to the doctor last week and this week, which resulted in $30.00 worth of co-pay. ($15.00) each time...as well as $5.00 for her medication (last week) and $13.00 for yesterday*
In addition, between last month and this month, aftercare is $263.00. I was unable to pay March because I had to spend $300 to secure her tuition.*
Your half for D4's contribution is*$305.00. You can deposit in increments if it is easier instead of the entire amount.
We originally agreed that you would be splitting the lawyer fees with me...I know that your attorney services are being provided for by your employer which means that you are not paying a cent for him...however, we both agreed that we would split the costs, several times.
In addition, you lied to me about having an attorney,*although*I knew that you*didn't*..you took a half*hearted*approach to finding one over the last month and finally took the*initiative*to secure your person on Monday after just*receiving*legal advice. As a result, I have been racking up billable time with the amount of work that my attorney has been doing because you were reading and making your own changes (which I abided by) and not a professional. You have been jerking me around this and making me waste everyone's time involved with this, instead of being honest and forthright from the*beginning* *
*I dont appreciate anything that you have been doing or how you have been conducting yourself with me and D4, especially in terms of helping*financially*with our daughter what you must help with. Im not sure why you wouldnt even want to help because of her...this has nothing to do with me and you are making it about me....
------------------------------------
First, I don't have attorney - now I do and my employer is paying for it? And as of Monday?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

Wow! just Wow!

She has got the thickest head I have ever seen. 

When you were together did you ever turn down sex from her?

I am interested in her reaction to that. Did she say "Whatever, get
those clothes off."


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Frankly, this is getting annoying...
> 
> I never agreed to pay for her lawyer. I agreed to pay for the courting fees - it's well document. She is ALL over the freaking place yet again. Its like she takes a day off, re-energizes and sends another long email pleading for help.
> -----------------------------------
> Mrs. RG:
> 
> RG,*
> I paid $300 for D4's tuition last week, I also took her to the doctor last week and this week, which resulted in $30.00 worth of co-pay. ($15.00) each time...as well as $5.00 for her medication (last week) and $13.00 for yesterday*
> In addition, between last month and this month, aftercare is $263.00. I was unable to pay March because I had to spend $300 to secure her tuition.*
> Your half for D4's contribution is*$305.00. You can deposit in increments if it is easier instead of the entire amount.
> We originally agreed that you would be splitting the lawyer fees with me...I know that your attorney services are being provided for by your employer which means that you are not paying a cent for him...however, we both agreed that we would split the costs, several times.
> In addition, you lied to me about having an attorney,*although*I knew that you*didn't*..you took a half*hearted*approach to finding one over the last month and finally took the*initiative*to secure your person on Monday after just*receiving*legal advice. As a result, I have been racking up billable time with the amount of work that my attorney has been doing because you were reading and making your own changes (which I abided by) and not a professional. You have been jerking me around this and making me waste everyone's time involved with this, instead of being honest and forthright from the*beginning* *
> *I dont appreciate anything that you have been doing or how you have been conducting yourself with me and D4, especially in terms of helping*financially*with our daughter what you must help with. Im not sure why you wouldnt even want to help because of her...this has nothing to do with me and you are making it about me....
> ------------------------------------
> First, I don't have attorney - now I do and my employer is paying for it? And as of Monday?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"I am sorry you are struggling financially but I have already paid this months child support. No further money is due at this time. Next payment will be sent on xx day and I'm not paying for your attorney."

25,000 times remember? 

This is what? 5

You've got a ways to go yet so breathe and buckle up.

It's going to get bumpy.


----------



## ReGroup

GP, it was horrible! At one point I didn't know left from right. I still second guess myself sometimes. 

Mav, bumpy is right. Its like she's asking for money in different ways - hoping at one point I'll break.

Her opinion of me means squat... So sending it now!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> GP, it was horrible! At one point I didn't know left from right. I still second guess myself sometimes.
> 
> Mav, bumpy is right. Its like she's asking for money in different ways - hoping at one point I'll break.
> 
> Her opinion of me means squat... So sending it now!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Most entertaining thread on TAM.

Easy.


----------



## Conrad

This is so not working out the way it did when she "planned" it.


----------



## Mavash.

Hey she wants drama and fireworks so give her some.

Doesn't get any more dramatic than worrying about how to pay the utility bill after you fire your husband. 

I know I'm on the edge of my seat.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Hey she wants drama and fireworks so give her some.
> 
> Doesn't get any more dramatic than worrying about how to pay the utility bill after you fire your husband.
> 
> I know I'm on the edge of my seat.


I'm hoping for a picture of another IV bottle.


----------



## ReGroup

I feel like Rocky Balboa in Rocky 2 - heading into the Final Round.

Apollo and Rocky simultaneously punch each other; knocking each other out.

The 10 second count begins to see who gets up.

Her Victim and Entitlement Powers are at an elite level. We might have to start cranking it up a bit.

Keep showing me the way Titans... I got NOTHING to lose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I feel like Rocky Balboa in Rocky 2 - heading into the Final Round.
> 
> Apollo and Rocky simultaneously punch each other; knocking each other out.
> 
> The 10 second count begins to see who gets up.
> 
> Her Victim and Entitlement Powers are at an elite level. We might have to start cranking it up a bit.
> 
> Keep showing me the way Titans... I got NOTHING to lose.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unfortunately, it sounds like you're only in the second or third round. Ding Ding.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: what about the money that is not included in*the*child support which is the non*reimbursable*expeneses listed....?

Ceegee... We've been separated for a damn year and its still the 2nd round. Lord! My legs are getting wobbly.

But... Every time I rethink - I think of the fabulous Summer she spent last year.

Ding Ding Ding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

HAHA What does she think child support is for? Extra money on top of all the expenses. 

ReGroup child support is not for education, health care, housing, transportation, food, etc. 

All of these items will be billed separately.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: what about the money that is not included in*the*child support which is the non*reimbursable*expeneses listed....?
> 
> Ceegee... We've been separated for a damn year and its still the 2nd round. Lord! My legs are getting wobbly.
> 
> But... Every time I rethink - I think of the fabulous Summer she spent last year.
> 
> Ding Ding Ding.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Want to crank it up? Here ya go. Enjoy. 

"Until we have a divorce agreement finalized and signed by both of us all I'm paying is what I'm legally required to pay which is child support only."

She should have budged better last summer. She clearly could use some cash now. Lol


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: We agreed on splitting the costs of the attorney. Why are you going back in your word now. 

How funny we forget what people do for us. I supported you for the time you were unemployed...
You don't care that I am struggling at all

-That Stings! Ah!

That was 6 years ago.


----------



## Mavash.

GutPunch said:


> HAHA What does she think child support is for? Extra money on top of all the expenses.
> 
> ReGroup child support is not for education, health care, housing, transportation, food, etc.
> 
> All of these items will be billed separately.


He was going to pay half of medical and half of after school care on top of child support which is sometimes customary but she must now face the consequence of dragging her feet for a year.

Child support is all she's getting now.

Time to turn up the heat.

You up for it RG?


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> How funny we forget what people do for us. I supported you for the time you were unemployed...
> You don't care that I am struggling at all


Spousal reciprocation is null and void once fired.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: We agreed on splitting the costs of the attorney. Why are you going back in your word now.
> 
> How funny we forget what people do for us. I supported you for the time you were unemployed...
> You don't care that I am struggling at all
> 
> -That Stings! Ah!


"Thank you for supporting me when I was unemployed. I appreciate that. That does not obligate me to return the favor when we are no longer a couple. I also do not recall agreeing to go half on an attorney. Regardless of the misunderstanding I want my own attorney and I'm not paying for yours"


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> "Thank you for supporting me when I was unemployed. I appreciate that. That does not obligate me to return the favor when we are no longer a couple. I also do not recall agreeing to go half on an attorney. Regardless of the misunderstanding I want my own attorney and I'm not paying for yours"


Great Response!

Nice but FIRM.

Mav, where do I send the bill?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> He was going to pay half of medical and half of after school care on top of child support which is sometimes customary but she must now face the consequence of dragging her feet for a year.
> 
> Child support is all she's getting now.
> 
> Time to turn up the heat.
> 
> You up for it RG?


Well its VERY apparent my way wasn't getting me any where... Now I have you guys and it's doing wonders for me.

I started this thread and 2 months in I had a 20 page thread... Look how many pages after I gave her my first "I'm sorry you feel that way"... 2 months span it's 90+ pages!


----------



## Mavash.

Boundaries does not being mean. I'm as nice as can be while still saying "no". Do you see how easy it is? I agree with their delusion (nicely) and then state my side. "I'm sorry that must have been a misunderstanding. My bad." Still not paying for your attorney. Nice try though. Lol


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> Boundaries does not being mean. I'm as nice as can be while still saying "no". Do you see how easy it is? I agree with their delusion (nicely) and then state my side. "I'm sorry that must have been a misunderstanding. My bad." Still not paying for your attorney. Nice try though. Lol


Don't forget... "Your attorney cannot represent both you and me. That would be a conflict of interest."


----------



## Mavash.

Pbartender said:


> Don't forget... "Your attorney cannot represent both you and me. That would be a conflict of interest."


How does a non contested divorce work? Not that RG is going to get that until she gets desperate enough for cash to sign anything he puts in front of her.


----------



## GutPunch

Mavash. said:


> How does a non contested divorce work?


One person gets screwed. One person is happy.


----------



## Mavash.

GutPunch said:


> One person gets screwed. One person is happy.


Not sure I believe this. My sister did this twice. Neither were "happy". Neither were "screwed" either.

First time she was young. Second time the divorce was amicable. They agreed to the terms and she's still friends with him. She's a rational person like me. She wasn't out to screw anyone and she didn't.

This I think depends largely on the people involved.


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> How does a non contested divorce work? Not that RG is going to get that until she gets desperate enough for cash to sign anything he puts in front of her.


An "uncontested" divorce is simply one in which any disputes over the settlement agreement or joint parenting agreement are resolved without having to go to court for the decision of a judge. Statistically, something like 90% of divorces are "uncontested".

Technically, RG's divorce right now is still uncontested.

Typically, though both sides still have lawyers so that you can get your own legal expertise and advice, and to have someone who is used to sticking up to other lawyers on a day-to-day basis.

By law, lawyers cannot represent both sides of a case. Moreover, a lawyer could not represent RG against Mrs. RG, if that lawyer (or anyone else in that laywer's firm, for that matter) had represented Mrs. RG for anything at all at any time in the past.

So, for example, my divorce started out amicably and uncontested. I believed at that time, that AXW and I agreed on most things, and just needed to work out a few details. I hired a lawyer for the sole purpose of drafting the documents and filing them. Nothing more. This is the sort of arrangement you might be thinking of. However... _Since I hired him, the lawyer was technically representing me and only me._ Even though the job was meant to be a neutral role.

AXW spooked, hired her own lawyer, and has been escalating things ever since. Our divorce is no longer exactly amicable, but it is still uncontested... For now.

Our first court date is set for a week from Friday, but I don't think she realizes that.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> How does a non contested divorce work? Not that RG is going to get that until she gets desperate enough for cash to sign anything he puts in front of her.


I had one. 

We discussed terms and best situation for kiddo. Neither of us out to get the other. 

I got paperwork and filled out as discussed. We reviewed together. Agreed. 

I took to a lawyer for document review - to catch errors. 

Signed and filed.


----------



## Ceegee

Uncontested sounds similar to collaborative except you each have representation from the beginning. Ours started amicably enough until she gave me a stack of credit card statements and said "here, these are yours. You need to get them in your name and start paying for them". I said no and that this is what the attorneys will be working out as stipulated in the collaborative contract. She blew up and accused me of trying to stick her with all of the debt. Just found out a couple of weeks ago that she has $99k in credit card debt that she was able to hide from me.


----------



## Chuck71

Uncontested here too, $184 plus notary fee. But we had nothing to fight over. So mine was more like a Praxis test fee I guess


----------



## Chuck71

CeeGee.........whose name were the CC in?


----------



## Conrad

Nice Mrs. ReGroup didn't get anywhere

Harpy Mrs. ReGroup didn't get anywhere

Guilt Smearing Mrs. ReGroup now in the house


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> CeeGee.........whose name were the CC in?


Hers and hers alone...I know what you're thinking, but I own a business and she's entitled to half of that. She's willing to let me keep it if I take a certain share of her debt.


----------



## Chuck71

CG although the courts say you should pay xx% of CC debt..... once it is final and the payments on your end stop.........the only person the CC company can go after is................ HER.
$500 says she run them up "knowing in advance what she was doing"


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Nice Mrs. ReGroup didn't get anywhere
> 
> Harpy Mrs. ReGroup didn't get anywhere
> 
> Guilt Smearing Mrs. ReGroup now in the house


I mean, I did "try" to explain to her for about 7 months that it was worth working on our relationship. She didn't lisen. But like you said, I was talking to her like she was a man. 

Either way, this could have been prevented.

After the guilt trip email... I think she'll get the hint: her favorite flavor has been discontinued for good.


----------



## Chuck71

Mrs.R wanted a fantasy voyage and you to pay for it

'things have changed MzR'


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG, as always, your thread gave me renewed hope that there really is a way to deal with these crazy people. I've said it before and I'll say it again- you need to write a book about this crap.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol, we'll see how this plays out. 

Stranger things have happened. 

I am really geared for Mav's "Haymaker" if we ever get the chance.

Back in February when my cousin told her, "you'll have to live with this decision"... She clearly didn't understand the ramifications.

By now, she's getting a heavy dose of reality and its not pretty.

Living in NYC on one income, swamped in debt, and raising a child isn't what it was once cracked up to be. 

OM saw a pretty face in Mrs. RG but he wasn't/isn't interested in seeing the baggage that is coming along with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Moose Man, we'll see how this plays out. 

Stranger things have happened. 

I am really geared for Mav's "Haymaker" if we ever get the chance.

Back in February when my cousin told her, "you'll have to live with this decision"... She clearly didn't understand the ramifications.

By now, she's getting a heavy dose of reality and its not pretty.

Living in NYC on one income, swamped in debt, and raising a child isn't what it was once cracked up to be. 

OM saw a pretty face in Mrs. RG but he wasn't/isn't interested in seeing the baggage that is coming along with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

You need a proxy so if she ends up stabbing you or something we will at least get to hear how this played out....


----------



## Chuck71

cues pink floyd "the show must go on"


----------



## ReGroup

1 out 3 phone calls taken for D4 this week - hitting .333 in the majors will make you an All Star. Looking at the bright side. 

Lord, this woman has become something special. God forbid someone tells her No.

The one call that was answered, D4 was adamant about staying on the phone as long as possible. Even cried she couldn't watch The Knick Game with me. I know she's feeling lonely - feels like it and others have commented about it. 

A friend of mind has recommended that I take her to a child psych. I see its doing wonders for Z's daughter - it might be time I show my masculine mettle and set it up on my own; on the weekends of course.

What has me motivated? D4 asking me on Tuesday, "Is it true when you and mommy are home you guys fight?"

RG: No. Where did you get that?

D4: Mommy.

Also,

This past weekend, D4 asking my female friend (Mrs. RG's former friend)... "Is it true that papi likes you?"

Horrifying!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Counseling is a good idea.

I've got my 12 year old son in therapy to deal with issues relating to me being formerly a crazy woman/wife/mother.

He's been going for a couple of years now and it's made a HUGE difference. 

I knew I couldn't fix him on my own because I contributed to his problem. 

And I'm not taking ownership of all of it - I had help.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Counseling is a good idea.
> 
> I've got my 12 year old son in therapy to deal with issues relating to me being formerly a crazy woman/wife/mother.
> 
> He's been going for a couple of years now and it's made a HUGE difference.
> 
> I knew I couldn't fix him on my own because I contributed to his problem.
> 
> And I'm not taking ownership of all of it - I had help.


Wish my mother had done this with my brother. 

RG, 

I think it's a good idea. I'll keep an eye out on DS during this upcoming separation. Any negative sign, I'm taking him to a counselor.


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> Wish my mother had done this with my brother.


Wouldn't have worked because she didn't fix herself. The phrase put your oxygen mask on first applies in this situation.

With parenting it's not what you DO that matters it's who you ARE that matters. 

Once I got right with myself my kids (all 3 of them) began changing at warp speed. Shocked the heck out of me how fast it happened too. They have boundaries, they speak up, they pick their friends, it's awesome!! They have learned from watching me.

My oldest has asperger's so he needed some additional help grasping these concepts plus he's your classic "nice guy" just like my husband. Lord help him and I taught him this. I thought I was doing good but that was of course before TAM.


----------



## ReGroup

The Big Negotiation Day is today. No sign of Team Fantasy. 

No email, text... Nada.

In the last round, after I gave her Team RG's rep's contact info - she asked that I contact her rep. I didn't answer to that email.

Staring Contest - see who blinks first. The day is still young though.

Let this one lie (observe) or grab the bull by the horn?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The Big Negotiation Day is today. No sign of Team Fantasy.
> 
> No email, text... Nada.
> 
> In the last round, after I gave her Team RG's rep's contact info - she asked that I contact her rep. I didn't answer to that email.
> 
> Staring Contest - see who blinks first. The day is still young though.
> 
> Let this one lie (observe) or grab the bull by the horn?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Observe and patiently wait for the next money grabbing ploy.

We're still waiting for that big slow fat pitch down the middle so we can deliver the posOM haymaker.

(Their delays aren't costing you money, are they? What I'm really asking is your lawyer's meter isn't running, is it? If not, this delay costs you nothing)


----------



## Chuck71

always quiet on the fronts before the invasion


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> The Big Negotiation Day is today. No sign of Team Fantasy.


Good Luck.


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

Sent you a PM. 

Good luck today.


----------



## Mavash.

Observe.

Balls in her court now.


----------



## ReGroup

I responded LS.

Didn't hear from Mrs. RG today - I guess nothing is going to happen for now.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I responded LS.
> 
> Didn't hear from Mrs. RG today - I guess nothing is going to happen for now.


In old Pompeii, Vesuvius didn't erupt every day either.


----------



## Chuck71

Do not be shocked if she blows up your phone at about..... 1AM


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Can I pick up D4 at 2pm on Sunday; I have plans with her - is that ok with you?

Me: Sure.

Mrs. RG: Thank You.

:scratchhead:

I see its not a priority to her.

I'll be married in 2014.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Can I pick up D4 at 2pm on Sunday; I have plans with her - is that ok with you?
> 
> Me: Sure.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Thank You.
> 
> :scratchhead:
> 
> I see its not a priority to her.
> 
> I'll be married in 2014.


Do you want to drive the bus?

She didn't have any bills due today, so no hostility


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Do you want to drive the bus?


No, I don't want to drive the bus. I want to keep observing.

She is yelling: Let me go.

Yet, she hasn't done squat.

Curiosity more than anything.


----------



## coachman

They all swear they want a divorce but not a one ever pulls the trigger.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No, I don't want to drive the bus. I want to keep observing.
> 
> She is yelling: Let me go.
> 
> Yet, she hasn't done squat.
> 
> Curiosity more than anything.


Carry on.

But, trust your feelings should they change.


----------



## Chuck71

The bill comment is so true.....wait until first of month

ps-Still not U2D on BWs thread..... unfreakingbelieveable!


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> No, I don't want to drive the bus. I want to keep observing.
> 
> She is yelling: Let me go.
> 
> Yet, she hasn't done squat.


Yep, my AXW pretty much did the same thing... Got the ball rolling, and then sat on her hands.

Yep, I didn't want to drive, either... But in the end, I did.

And now look how that's all turning out for the two of us... I'm in just about the best shape I've ever been in in every aspect of my life. She's falling apart all over. A complete role reversal from when she gave me the ILYBINILWY speech.

It's time to put all those observations to good use, and find your own way.


----------



## ReGroup

Exchange done and done.

Getting easier doing it in person. 

She wants to do chit chatting but I am not interested.

RG: Here's the package (D4).

Mrs. RG: I'm taking her to Medieval Times for my brother's birthday.

RG: You guys have a lot of fun. Bye D4.

Mrs. RG: You can't expand on anything I say? I am taking her Medieval Times.

RG: Have fun. BTW, I am going away next weekend. I can't take her on Saturday, but will be able to take her on Sunday for Soccer.

Mrs. RG: I have plans this coming weekend though. D4 will be disappointed. You will have to break the news to her.

RG: I had a conversation with her; she knows. Bye D4.

An hour later... 

Mrs. RG: D4 didn't drink any of her juice boxes that I sent or crackers. She also said that she has had nothing to drink and had a beef patty and an ice cream. 
-She had water and crackers from one of her Soccer Buddies.

RG: D4 was good throughout the day.

Mrs. RG: But why didn't you feed her? She's not good right now...I didn't even ask her. She's the one who told me when I asked her if she was hungry and ready to eat. 

RG: Ok, then feed her.

Mrs. RG: I really need you please to be more responsible and remember that she is still a toddler. I sent juice boxes so she wouldn't be dehydrated. 

I am feeding her because its dinner time. U had her during lunch time and didn't feed her. I fed her at breakfast time. 

RG: Are you finished?

Then silence. 

PBartender might be right - I'll have to drive the bus on this if this is to get done. 

I just don't have The Happy Katy 100% sureness right now in making that decision. 

Everyone in my inner circle all think she's confused and doesn't know what she wants. They also think she's nuts.

I am not indifferent yet. Still working on that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

Is she lost? Yes.
Is she disrespectful to you? Yes.
Does she treat you like a child like D4? Absolutely!

Is she nuts? No.


----------



## ReGroup

HM64, we are going to continue working on that "treating you like a child" part... We are slowly going to change that with consistency and some toughness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> I just don't have The Happy Katy 100% sureness right now in making that decision.


I'll tell you a secret... Neither did I.


----------



## Chuck71

If Group's saga was patterned after the European Theatre in WW2, I would think the timeline would be up to the Fall of 1943.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Hope you are not choosing partying over spending time with your daughter this weekend.

I can go some many places with this foolishness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Hope you are not choosing partying over spending time with your daughter this weekend.
> 
> I can go some many places with this foolishness.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you done?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Hope you are not choosing partying over spending time with your daughter this weekend.
> 
> I can go some many places with this foolishness.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know the backstory on this one.

Just say "wasn't planning to".


----------



## Chuck71

LOL as if Lizard Queen has room to talk


----------



## ReGroup

Lol. Just waiting for The Haymaker.

I'm living for that moment.

She wrote: Hope so.

Just get them to shut up right Mav?

She also wants to know if I got a new phone. I won't respond as that can lead to another money request.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Lol. Just waiting for The Haymaker.
> 
> I'm living for that moment.
> 
> She wrote: Hope so.
> 
> Just get them to shut up right Mav?
> 
> She also wants to know if I got a new phone. I won't respond as that can lead to another money request.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes shut them up.

On the phone "why do you want to know?"


----------



## Chuck71

Is there any agenda by the querying about my itinerary? 

or I am seeking an attache. Are you interested?


----------



## Chuck71

Group's thread has been quiet........... too quiet


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> Group's thread has been quiet........... too quiet


He shut her up.


----------



## Bullwinkle

start calling the ERs in NYC - she's finally got after him with the ice pick.


----------



## HappyKaty

RG,

Please believe there was no "sureness" in my decision. I did what I knew I had to do, even though I didn't want to do it. The plan for my future is not misery and discontentment. It is for hope, goodness, and prosperity. 

Sometimes, you just have to rid your life of anything that is hindering that plan.


----------



## ReGroup

That's so true HK. 

And w/o further adue...

Mrs. RG: Why hasn't your lawyer contacted my lawyer.

RG: We are waiting for the revision.

Mrs. RG: It's done I told you.
- She never told me.

RG: Then email it to me and we'll look at it.

Cat and mouse game.


----------



## Chuck71

Team Fantasy should use their draft picks more wisely


----------



## ReGroup

Is she hanging on to this revision? 

She says it's done - then where is it. Doesn't cost a dime to email it to me.


----------



## Chuck71

PBs AXW did the same thing. Was stall tactic


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> PBs AXW did the same thing. Was stall tactic


What is in world would be the purpose. 

Lol. 

Tron revised the language for them in under 10 minutes. 

She sent me the first draft in February. I responded to that in less than 2 weeks. Here we are on May 1st and still nothing. 

She's gone dark again after that brief exchange. Hopefully she's on the phone with the lawyer.

Let's hope that is the case.


----------



## Chuck71

you may get D by the time daughter starts high school

always keep in mind.....Group....won't you fight for me

why

why

why


----------



## ReGroup

OK...

I'll need advise on this one - 

Mrs. RG: Have your lawyer contact my lawyer to have him email it.


----------



## Chuck71

"Will do."

guess she forgot how to email


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> What is in world would be the purpose.


To see if she can get her old doormat back.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> OK...
> 
> I'll need advise on this one -
> 
> Mrs. RG: Have your lawyer contact my lawyer to have him email it.


have you already given her your lawyer's contact info?


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> have you already given her your lawyer's contact info?


Yes. It's what is bizarre about this situation.

On Aprill 22nd.


----------



## Awakening2012

Chuck71 said:


> PBs AXW did the same thing. Was stall tactic


What is the dealio with the stalling behavior on the part of the walk away spouse, once it is finally decided to end the marriage? My STBXH is similarly stalling. He filed with the court on April 17 and has had all the paperwork signed off by me for more than 2 weeks now -- however, he (or rather his attorney) still has not submitted a request to the court to set a hearing date. WTF? Is all the stalling by TAM spouses coincidental or is there something in the water?


----------



## Chuck71

A12 bit of both.......... reality is really a head turner


----------



## ReGroup

They don't understand themselves; how could we possibly figure them out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

impulsive as a three year old after a two liter Sunkist

bouncing off the walls in a candy store

they always go to the soda machine don't they


----------



## HappyKaty

Awakening2012 said:


> What is the dealio with the stalling behavior on the part of the walk away spouse, once it is finally decided to end the marriage? My STBXH is similarly stalling. He filed with the court on April 17 and has had all the paperwork signed off by me for more than 2 weeks now -- however, he (or rather his attorney) still has not submitted a request to the court to set a hearing date. WTF? Is all the stalling by TAM spouses coincidental or is there something in the water?


It's almost universal - the WS stalling. Like Chuck said, reality is a balls grabber. The finality of their decision sets in, and they have to "amp up" themselves to push forward. Any nagging, questioning, etc., from the BS, is like fuel to the fire. It just pushes 'em there. 

With that being said, I will nag and question relentlessly, when mine stalls again.


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> I will nag and question relentlessly, when mine stalls again.


We'll nag and question for you if it helps quicken the process.

Alright, I'll have my guy call her guy tomorrow. 

I only asked her to send it to me because it's what she did the first time. I am fine with lawyer to lawyer.


----------



## Chuck71

Group how long is the D process with children in NY?


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Alright, I'll have my guy call her guy tomorrow.


Probably best. You could try to get her to simply tell her lawyer to do it. Or her just do it. 

But only if you're ok waiting longer. 

Might as well do the lifting and get it done.


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Group how long is the D process with children in NY?


6 months. I'll be married still in 2014. 

You guys are coming along for the ride.


----------



## Chuck71

Are you throwing a NYE bash? Let me know. I can bring some home grown moonshine!


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> OK...
> 
> I'll need advise on this one -
> 
> Mrs. RG: Have your lawyer contact my lawyer to have him email it.


Oh this is crap.

I agree I think she is stalling.

But okay whatever. I'd do it if at all possible.


----------



## Awakening2012

ReGroup said:


> OK...
> 
> I'll need advise on this one -
> 
> Mrs. RG: Have your lawyer contact my lawyer to have him email it.


You've got to give her points for passive agression


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> OK...
> 
> I'll need advise on this one -
> 
> Mrs. RG: Have your lawyer contact my lawyer to have him email it.


Reflexive control grab. She's not going to tell you no but she can tell you to do it her way.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Oh this is crap.
> 
> I agree I think she stalling.
> 
> But okay whatever. I'd do it if at all possible.


Crap is right. If it was me, I'd call my lawyer to cc both my spouse and the rep.

But that's me.

"It's been done" she said earlier. So where is it.


----------



## Chuck71

Eh if MrsR wants it her way.... send her a McD's coupon


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Reflexive control grab. She's not going to tell you no but she can tell you to do it her way.


My friends husband did this for a year.

Yanked her around doing nothing really.

His life was working for him so he stalled.

It only stopped when he got some money and didn't want her to get it.

Otherwise it would have gone to court because he contested everything.

Where I live as long as you pay the attorney you can drag out a divorce for years.

I'm in a fault state unless its agreed on by both parties.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Crap is right. If it was me, I'd call my lawyer to cc both my spouse and the rep.
> 
> But that's me.
> 
> "It's been done" she said earlier. So where is it.


Like I said.

Stalling.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Reflexive control grab.


Hey Ceegee - can you help me understand this a bit better.
I google'd it, but can't comprehend fully.


----------



## Chuck71

60 days w/o kids and 90 with..... but this is TN

where family trees sometimes do not fork


----------



## Mavash.

Oh and here stalling helps get a better deal.

People get impatient and agree to anything just to get the spouse who is dragging their feet to sign the papers.


----------



## ReGroup

Alright, call was put in. Team Fantasy will be served notice tomorrow.

Easiest money those lawyers will make.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Chip got banned?!


yeah, I think from KCs new thread


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> What is in world would be the purpose.
> 
> Lol.


It's pretty simple. I little less than a year ago, AXW moved out of the bedroom, but not the house... She's living in the basement, and stopped paying any bills that didn't have her name and her name only on them (and some that did).

She makes practically as much money as I do, but I'm paying all the bills... Mortgage, utilities, house phone, house insurance, all the credit cards and loans, school lunches, and most of the groceries now too...

She pays for her car loan, her car insurance, and the family cell phone bill. And yet, she still constantly strapped for cash. Parties all her money away, as far as I can tell, and hasn't saved anything away for the inevitable move to an independent, single income lifestyle.

So, the longer she stalls, the longer she has all that extra cash for super-happy-fun-time! I think she's planning on a combination of some sort of settlement and child support to fund her post-divorce lifestyle. Until then, there's no reason for her to go anywhere, and every reason to drag out the end of the divorce as long as possible.

The last time it became a problem, this email seemed to work well:



> My attorney and I have heard nothing from you for nearly a month. I'm not okay with the lack of communication. We can finish our agreement face-to-face, over email, or in a meeting with our lawyers present.
> 
> The situation at home is not healthy for any of us and I am not okay with that. Saying that neither of us can move out in the near future is just an excuse to delay the divorce.
> 
> If I hear nothing before next Monday, I will instruct my attorney to move the process forward without you.
> 
> I look forward to your reply.


And once I filed, deadlines started getting set. If she stalls too much, my attorney can and will (and already has once or twice) push things forward.


----------



## GutPunch

zillard said:


> yeah, I think from KCs new thread


That is correct.


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> Oh and here stalling helps get a better deal.
> 
> People get impatient and agree to anything just to get the spouse who is dragging their feet to sign the papers.


It also turns it into a war of attrition, benefiting who ever has more available funds to pay their attorney.

AXW has me paying almost all the bills at home, so she afford to delay and quibble over nit-picky details.

Also... She seems to be clueless about the actual divorce process, so it may be completely unintentional by way of not knowing and not understanding the required deadlines.

From what I've seen and heard, I gather AWX's lawyer is getting a bit frustrated over it, as well.


----------



## ReGroup

Pbartender said:


> Until then, there's no reason for her to go anywhere, and every reason to drag out the end of the divorce as long as possible.


PB, that is one selfish ..... person.

In my case, we don't have anything to fight for. That's the annoyance that I have had to deal with: No assets, debt, credit cards, mortgage... zilch. 

17pct... that's the NY Mandate.

Mrs. RG is stalling for nothing - no gain to her either way.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> PB, that is one selfish ..... person.


Our first court date is this Friday... It'll either be just a status update with the judge, or a settlement conference in preparation for the actual trial date (if we can settle those last details by tomorrow ).

Her attorney told us that most of it looked good, but that he was preparing a counter-offer regarding a few remaining issues. That was a week ago. Nothing yet. Tough luck.

The next time I chat with my attorney, I'm going to ask him if there's any way we can compel her (through the courts or otherwise) to either contribute a fair share to the household bills or move out.



ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG is stalling for nothing - no gain to her either way.


Could be just to spite you... As Mavash said, if she knows you're antsy, she may be able to use your impatience against you.


----------



## Mavash.

RG I thought she wanted more than 17%.

Half medical and half of after school care. Wait no she wanted more than that right?

And if you call your attorney it saves her money.


----------



## Chuck71

Not meaning to stir the nest but how would she react to you informing her you are filing on grounds of adultery?


----------



## Mavash.

And pb what a mess. I hope you can resolve that soon.

Btw that's another reason my friends husband stalled. He controlled the money and it benefitted him to keep her there. He made it an open marriage without her consent


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG I thought she wanted more than 17%.
> 
> Half medical and half of after school care. Wait no she wanted more than that right?
> 
> And if you call your attorney it saves her money.


Yeah Mav, you're right. She could have had something to gain - if I would have signed blindly. 

Damn, I'm being indecisive about who should make the first call... hell, I don't want to do her any favors.

I'll just put my guy on notice to be ready. Let her make the first move.


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Not meaning to stir the nest but how would she react to you informing her you are filing on grounds of adultery?


The cheater is the Plaintiff.


----------



## Chuck71

counter with it.............. wouldn't hurt would it? would it get done quicker if you did? Won't be final till 2014? EKKKKK

Have to hand it to you for hanging in there!


----------



## Pbartender

Chuck71 said:


> Not meaning to stir the nest but how would she react to you informing her you are filing on grounds of adultery?


If she was either smart or had a savvy lawyer, she wouldn't react at all... As far as the divorce settlement is concerned, it means absolutely nothing.

At best, it's hurt pride and that's all.


----------



## K.C.

Yeah sry, Chips out of action for a week. Oops


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Hey Ceegee - can you help me understand this a bit better.
> I google'd it, but can't comprehend fully.


Well, this is what my wife does. She's not resisting giving you what you want because she wants the same thing. But she ALWAYS needs to be in control so she controls what she can. In this case, you told her to do something that she her self wants to do but is controlling how you get it. She's probably been doing it for years. It's reflexive - she can't help it.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks for the explanation CeeGee. 

The phone call will be placed today. 

I spoke to my IC last night and advised me not to act too enthusiastic about the divorce.

She also made mention that she if she stalls some more to bring up legal separation to Team RG. If I can prove that I have been outside the house for more than two years Divorce will automatically kick in. That's worst case scenario.

She claims that acting too aggressive will make a person like Mrs RG (difficult) stall the process. 

One of The Titans made mention to me that she is testing to see if I'll follow through. 

This might be an interesting couple of days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Edit: Once 2 years have elapsed D will kick in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

Yes. The next few days will be interesting.

Stay calm. And get ready for more irrational communications.


----------



## hope4family

Just like my ex-wife constantly saying she wanted a divorce. 

Pissed her the heck off when I went to see an attorney. 

Control was no longer hers. Even if I was "giving her what she wanted."


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

Why you have to be out of the house for more than 2 yrs?


----------



## ReGroup

No, I have been out for 1 year.

Mrs. RG called the relationship off (officially) in November 2012 via text. 

Of course, a day after she sent me that text... she said, "See, you didn't even bother to respond to that text... BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE!". LOL.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> No, I have been out for 1 year.
> 
> Mrs. RG called the relationship off (officially) in November 2012 via text.
> 
> Of course, a day after she sent me that text... she said, "See, you didn't even bother to respond to that text... BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE!". LOL.


Oh, RG, you got axed by text too? Aint that a b!tch? 

"You being mad me for lying to you about being with my friend when I was really out with a guy from work is the breaking point. I'm through!" Wait...what?


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> No, I have been out for 1 year.
> 
> Mrs. RG called the relationship off (officially) in November 2012 via text.
> 
> Of course, a day after she sent me that text... she said, "See, you didn't even bother to respond to that text... BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE!". LOL.


The time when AXW admitted that she got drunk and kissed a coworker at a party, I kept my temper, didn't freak out about it, took some time to cool off and think about it... Then I came back, forgave her, and told her we could find a way to work things out.

Later, she got mad at me, because I didn't get mad at her about it. "You didn't even react... It was like you expected me to do something like that!"

:crazy:


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG called the relationship off (officially) in November 2012 via text.
> 
> Of course, a day after she sent me that text... she said, "See, you didn't even bother to respond to that text... BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE!". LOL.


Didn't someone give you the husband handbook?

In chapter 15 it clearly states when wifey dumps you via text you're supposed to rush over with a dozen roses and beg. 

There is a version now that includes chick flicks for you to study and learn.

Try to get it right the next time.


----------



## Mavash.

Pbartender said:


> The time when AXW admitted that she got drunk and kissed a coworker at a party, I kept my temper, didn't freak out about it, took some time to cool off and think about it... Then I came back, forgave her, and told her we could find a way to work things out.
> 
> Later, she got mad at me, because I didn't get mad at her about it. "You didn't even react... It was like you expected me to do something like that!"
> 
> :crazy:


Nope this makes perfect sense to me but then again I'm a reformed crazy woman.

We live for making you mad.

It's an addiction to drama.

No drama means you don't love us.

Calm and cool means no feelings whatsoever.


----------



## Northern Monkey

Mavash. said:


> In chapter 15 it clearly states when wifey dumps you via text you're supposed to rush over with a dozen roses and beg.


Ahh, so my method would have worked if she had only text me!

Is that handbook available in the library? :rofl:


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> There is a version now that includes chick flicks for you to study and learn.


God love you Mav... like you know Mrs. RG better than I do... She referenced a Gerard Butler movie a couple of months ago - a chick flick I think... she said, "That's the way you should have approached the separation."

Mrs. RG: You didn't even cry or beg!


----------



## Northern Monkey

You heartless git RG. How could you treat her like that?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> God love you Mav... like you know Mrs. RG better than I do... She referenced a Gerard Butler movie a couple of months ago - a chick flick I think... she said, "That's the way you should have approached the separation."
> 
> Mrs. RG: You didn't even cry or beg!


I thought of you when I watched friends with benefits over the weekend. The dad tells Justin to don't let her get away. Sniff sniff so he sets up this flash mob just for her to mimic her favorite movie. (Eye roll)

My drama queen sister is like this. She's addicted to these stupid unrealistic chick flicks. She actually gets upset because her life isn't like that and will pick fights with her boyfriend over it. Are you that stupid? It's a movie??? Lol

And then I'm thinking to myself if you looked (and acted) like mila kunis maybe you would get that. 

See these stupid women want to be wooed but don't want to DO anything to inspire it. Sorry sweetheart no man wants to woo a b1tch.


----------



## BURNT KEP

Pbartender said:


> The time when AXW admitted that she got drunk and kissed a coworker at a party, I kept my temper, didn't freak out about it, took some time to cool off and think about it... Then I came back, forgave her, and told her we could find a way to work things out.
> 
> Later, she got mad at me, because I didn't get mad at her about it. "You didn't even react... It was like you expected me to do something like that!"
> 
> :crazy:


Too funny:rofl:


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Sorry sweetheart no man wants to woo a b1tch.


As our long lost friend Conrad might say, it's impossible to like this any more.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> As our long lost friend Conrad might say, it's impossible to like this any more.


Learned this the hard way. Used to get pissed because my husband quit being romantic never once looked in the mirror to see if I had anything to do with it. Lol. When I did look I saw a b1tch and I understood. Wasn't a quick fix but I changed my ways.

I believe men will woo their wives if they are inspired to do so. It's really not that hard. I did it and I've been married for 21 years. He would do anything for me now. Flowers, date nights, money, gifts, whatever I want it's mine and he's happy to give it to me. This isn't rocket science. Lol


----------



## Awakening2012

Mavash. said:


> Didn't someone give you the husband handbook?
> 
> In chapter 15 it clearly states when wifey dumps you via text you're supposed to rush over with a dozen roses and beg.
> 
> There is a version now that includes chick flicks for you to study and learn.
> 
> Try to get it right the next time.


LOL!!! In Chapter one, you check your ballz with the lady at the front desk


----------



## Ceegee

At least in my mind, Mavash, you are correct. I would have done any of those things and more. Actually, was still doing those things up until the week before D-day. Although, for the previous 3 years I was doing them for the wrong reasons. Trying to give someone everything they could ever want to make them love you just doesn't work.


----------



## Mavash.

Awakening2012 said:


> LOL!!! In Chapter one, you check your ballz with the lady at the front desk


If you're lucky she'll let you hold them while she's in the ladies room.

Giggling because my SIL has emasculated her current bf.

It's painful to watch him hold her purse with that pained look on his face.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> At least in my mind, Mavash, you are correct. I would have done any of those things and more. Actually, was still doing those things up until the week before D-day. Although, for the previous 3 years I was doing them for the wrong reasons. Trying to give someone everything they could ever want to make them love you just doesn't work.


You were that guy. The one women lose respect for because deep down they know they are treating you like crap and yet you continued to treat them like a queen.

This was probably the inspiration to the book why men love b1tches.

I didn't get that guy. Mine pulled the plug on everything when I behaved badly. Lol


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> Learned this the hard way. Used to get pissed because my husband quit being romantic never once looked in the mirror to see if I had anything to do with it. Lol. When I did look I saw a b1tch and I understood. Wasn't a quick fix but I changed my ways.
> 
> I believe men will woo their wives if they are inspired to do so.


Ohh, how true. 

I was distant from my X the last year or two. She complained that I didn't love her because I wasn't trying to jump her bones or snuggle every night when she crawled into bed drunk at 4-5am. 

Well duh! When you complain constantly, never apologize for anything, and pass out during sex then your man isn't going to be quite as gung ho as he was in the beginning.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> You were that guy. The one women lose respect for because deep down they know they are treating you like crap and yet you continued to treat them like a queen.
> 
> This was probably the inspiration to the book why men love b1tches.
> 
> I didn't get that guy. Mine pulled the plug on everything when I behaved badly. Lol


Guilty as charged.


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> Guilty as charged.


Did my share of that too. Failed fitness tests. 

Big example: 

We had an argument. We made up. Make up sex. I stepped outside, she flipped me off, locked the door and went to bed. Left me out there. 

Next day before she went to work I confronted her, but she did not apologize. That night she didn't come home. 

What did I do? 

I bought her flowers. Pathetic.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> Did my share of that too. Failed fitness tests.
> 
> Big example:
> 
> We had an argument. We made up. Make up sex. I stepped outside, she flipped me off, locked the door and went to bed. Left me out there.
> 
> Next day before she went to work I confronted her, but she did not apologize. That night she didn't come home.
> 
> What did I do?
> 
> I bought her flowers. Pathetic.


At least you got the make up sex. Lucky b*stard.


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> At least you got the make up sex. Lucky b*stard.


Ha! 

It was the last time we ever had sex. 

And she was so drunk she doesn't even remember it... supposedly.


----------



## Mavash.

Z that was painful to read.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> Z that was painful to read.


I'm happy to say I no longer recognize that twerp.


----------



## hope4family

Mavash. said:


> *And then I'm thinking to myself if you looked (and acted) like mila kunis maybe you would get that. *


Quoted for truth.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> Ha!
> 
> It was the last time we ever had sex.
> 
> And she was so drunk she doesn't even remember it... supposedly.


Didn't mean to make light of that Z. That is pretty awful. Mavash may understand what's going through these women's minds but I'll never really understand.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip keeps saying, "we're the lucky ones"... I believe now, what he was talking about...

NEVER AGAIN. 

All I ever think about is Fitness Test.


----------



## ReGroup

What's funny is that a generation of Men are being raised thinking the complete opposite of what they should be doing.

Divorce Rates will continue to rise.


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> Didn't mean to make light of that Z. That is pretty awful. Mavash may understand what's going through these women's minds but I'll never really understand.


Oh, your comment was funny!

It's complicated. This was a while into her EA, but I did not know yet. 

After the make up sex she likely had feelings of guilt and shame. To top it off, I made a bee line to the patio for a smoke, rather than cuddling and holding her. This likely triggered her abandonment fears. Which she responded to with anger - locking me out. 

When I finally got her to wake up and let me back in the house in the morning, she was shocked at what she had done. But her fear kept her from facing it. So she ran to her EA partner for comfort. That's the night it evolved into a PA. 

Then she came home expecting to be held accountable. And there was me with flowers. 

Pretty sure the M really ended then and there for her.


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Chip keeps saying, "we're the lucky ones"... I believe now, what he was talking about...
> 
> NEVER AGAIN.
> 
> All I ever think about is Fitness Test.


Women throw it out there ALL THE TIME. Doesn't matter what phase of the relationship you are in. 

In the early stages of getting to know someone. I've found it to be fun and add a unique dynamic to the relationship early on. 

Then when you start to open up. It's like, OMG, they feel like they won something.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Didn't mean to make light of that Z. That is pretty awful. Mavash may understand what's going through these women's minds but I'll never really understand.


They are so angry and full of rage that it must go somewhere. They find nice, easy to control men to marry who will let them dump that anger on them. They explode like a two liter of soda that's been shaken and opened right in your face. They then walk away feeling better and you feel like crap. And now you have a mess to clean up.

The alcohol is to numb the pain/fear the feel but refuse to acknowledge. Anger is safer to show than pain. Fail to understand this concept may cost you in future relationships. Study how people handle their pain and that will show you their dark side.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



zillard said:


> Did my share of that too. Failed fitness tests.
> 
> Big example:
> 
> We had an argument. We made up. Make up sex. I stepped outside, she flipped me off, locked the door and went to bed. Left me out there.
> 
> Next day before she went to work I confronted her, but she did not apologize. That night she didn't come home.
> 
> What did I do?
> 
> I bought her flowers. Pathetic.


Don't feel bad Z. 

After 1st separation while trying to convince W to give us another chance (she was still talking to OM behind my back) I got a bunch of heart shaped post its and wrote nice things (promises) to her. There were 20+ post its. Put them all on her mirror with flowers.

Now that's f'ing pathetic!


----------



## zillard

Lifescript said:


> Don't feel bad Z.
> 
> After 1st separation while trying to convince W to give us another chance (she was still talking to OM behind my back) I got a bunch of heart shaped post its and wrote nice things (promises) to her. There were 20+ post its. Put them all on her mirror with flowers.
> 
> Now that's f'ing pathetic!


Weak chick flick BS. 

Now, out of the blue in an otherwise healthy relationship - good move.


----------



## ReGroup

My boss (female) was talking to me about this guy she let go (dating) early in the year. 

Last year she praised him when she spoke to me about him. Then... yesterday... 

he cried all the time, lived the "happy wife, happy life" persona, always complained about stuff, never stood up for himself etc...

I was cringing during the entire conversation, knowing what I had learned here...

Now, he's calling her all the time... if she picks up the phone - he always ends up "trying" to talk about their past relationship, tries to set up "hangouts" with her older son, sends her flowers and poems... etc...

RG: How do you feel about that?
Boss: Complete, turn off.


----------



## GutPunch

Well...if it makes you all feel better I was nothing like you pathetic grovelers. Bought flowers once in 13 years, yet I still got the shaft.


----------



## Ceegee

GutPunch said:


> Bought flowers once in 13 years, yet I still got the shaft.


Sorry GP, I have to laugh at what you just posted. After hearing this, most people would say, "duh".


----------



## GutPunch

Ceegee said:


> Sorry GP, I have to laugh at what you just posted. After hearing this, most people would say, "duh".


and I didn't buy them until year 13 smack dab in the middle of her EA. Still kicking myself for ending my 13 year streak to rectify a hopeless situation.


----------



## Ceegee

GutPunch said:


> and I didn't buy them until year 13 smack dab in the middle of her EA. Still kicking myself for ending my 13 year streak to rectify a hopeless situation.


Like the rest of us, you didn't know better.


----------



## ReGroup

I would say that 40-50pct. of my phone calls to D4 go unanswered.

Vexed me to no end.

What's worst - I couldn't get in contact with Team RG today. Left the guy 3 messages and no answer.

I wanted him to place a courtesy call to Team Fantasy. I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow.

I guess the stalling put him to sleep on my case. I actually had a friend drop by his office this morning with a payment, instructions, and the revision they sent me back in April. She didn't get to see him though.

Damn it all! I wanted to strike while the iron was hot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

There is always tomorrow.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hi Group, just checking in, love your thread, though I am jealous of your progress. You may recall that mine used to drive me INSANE not answering the phone when I tried to speak to D. The control. The sheer mean-spiritedness of it. 

And Zillard, reference your X passing out during sex, you say that like its a bad thing.


----------



## Chuck71

BW maybe she is mad you want to talk to D more than her


----------



## zillard

Bullwinkle said:


> And Zillard, reference your X passing out during sex, you say that like its a bad thing.


Thank you BW. Now I have to clean up the beer I just spit on my screen, laughing.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Chuck

Maybe so but mine was the Queen of the silent treatment. She once went three solid weeks without a peep. I would rather somebody punch me in the face then snub me.


----------



## Chuck71

BW as granny said "sometimes silence is golden"


----------



## Bullwinkle

Sorry, Z. 

Mine used to pass out drunk too. One time she was on top and I had to roll her off me like dead weight. She flops onto the floor. Later when I went to work, she was still there. I checked for a pulse and left.


----------



## Chuck71

:rofl:


----------



## tom67

Bullwinkle said:


> Sorry, Z.
> 
> Mine used to pass out drunk too. One time she was on top and I had to roll her off me like dead weight. She flops onto the floor. Later when I went to work, she was still there. I checked for a pulse and left.


She doesn't have a problem. As long as she doesn't choke on her own vomit like Jimi Hendrix.


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> Sorry, Z.
> 
> Mine used to pass out drunk too. One time she was on top and I had to roll her off me like dead weight. She flops onto the floor. Later when I went to work, she was still there. I checked for a pulse and left.


Did she have one? Does she see her reflection in the mirror?


----------



## Chuck71

can Medusa see her reflection?


----------



## Bullwinkle

I hated the booze breath and the slurred speech. On the OTHER hand, she wanted to be a dirty girl. Nuff said.


----------



## zillard

Bullwinkle said:


> I would rather somebody punch me in the face then snub me.


How about the back of the noggin with a bottle? Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Bullwinkle said:


> On the OTHER hand, she wanted to be a dirty girl. Nuff said.


Well there was that. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Good point, Z. But still better than THE SILENCE.


----------



## Chuck71

Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence original (not live) - YouTube


----------



## Northern Monkey

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Bullwinkle said:


> Good point, Z. But still better than THE SILENCE.


QFT, I used to get that a lot too. What's wrong? Nothing. Yeah makes it easy to work on things heh.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG just asked me if my lawyer was able to contact her lawyer...

RG: Yes, he left him a message.

I got to talk to my guy! Finally!

By mistake she had emailed me about a song called: Falling in love at a coffee shop... clearly not intended for me. 

At least the ball is rolling.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG just asked me if my lawyer was able to contact her lawyer...
> 
> RG: Yes, he left him a message.
> 
> I got to talk to my guy! Finally!
> 
> By mistake she had emailed me about a song called: Falling in love at a coffee shop... clearly not intended for me.
> 
> At least the ball is rolling.


You should have texted her back:

"I cannot remember the last time we had coffee together???"


----------



## Mavash.

Don't respond.

Rise above humiliating others even people you hate.

Karma does exist.


----------



## happyman64

Mavash. said:


> Don't respond.
> 
> Rise above humiliating others even people you hate.
> 
> Karma does exist.


Mavash

You know RG is not going to respond. He is farther along the path than most....

Sorry for my sad attempt at humor.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Don't respond.
> 
> Rise above humiliating others even people you hate.
> 
> Karma does exist.


No intention to. We'll win at the end.

Like our good friend says... "The Hell With The..."


----------



## ReGroup

happyman64 said:


> Mavash
> 
> You know RG is not going to respond. He is farther along the path than most....
> 
> Sorry for my sad attempt at humor.


You had me cracking up!


----------



## Mavash.

happyman64 said:


> Mavash
> 
> You know RG is not going to respond. He is farther along the path than most....
> 
> Sorry for my sad attempt at humor.


Don't apologize it was funny. 

I just didn't want RG responding AT ALL.

Fwiw I will humiliate others if its for a greater good like defending someone else who isn't capable of doing it themselves and when other methods of communication fail.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Fwiw I will humiliate others if its for a greater good like defending someone else who isn't capable of doing it themselves and when other methods of communication fail.


So true... :smthumbup:

As for Chip,

He's like one of those star athletes that keeps getting ejected in the middle of the game: 

YOU ARE TOO IMPORTANT TO THE CAUSE to get ejected.

Leave the "happiernow"s to us.


----------



## Mavash.

Happyman I'm a bit on the serious side and I'm an aspie.

I don't always get when someone is joking vs when they are serious.

I probably did think you were serious.

Oops.


----------



## happyman64

Mavash. said:


> Happyman I'm a bit on the serious side and I'm an aspie.
> 
> I don't always get when someone is joking vs when they are serious.
> 
> I probably did think you were serious.
> 
> Oops.


I will figure out a way to interject sarcasm with some bits or bytes. 

Keep rocking on RG's thread Mavash.


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

Damn Mets have slowed down after a good start. The season is still young.


----------



## Ceegee

happyman64 said:


> You should have texted her back:
> 
> "I cannot remember the last time we had coffee together???"


I did something like this once. I got a text from the wife shortly after separation that said "good night baby, I love you". I literally froze. Scrolled up and noticed my D had texted her earlier in the evening. So I replied, "wow, good night. That's nicest thing you've said to me in years!" Don't think she cared for my sarcasm.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> I did something like this once. I got a text from the wife shortly after separation that said "good night baby, I love you". I literally froze. Scrolled up and noticed my D had texted her earlier in the evening. So I replied, "wow, good night. That's nicest thing you've said to me in years!" Don't think she cared for my sarcasm.


It didn't bother me. 

Sending nothing sends a message back to her as well...

I like your sense of humor though.


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> RG,
> 
> Damn Mets have slowed down after a good start. The season is still young.


I have been getting heckled by all The Yankee Fans in my office.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> It didn't bother me.
> 
> Sending nothing sends a message back to her as well...
> 
> I like your sense of humor though.


Well, this was early on. Wouldn't have replied had it happened now. It was pretty fun though.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Well, this was early on. Wouldn't have replied had it happened now. It was pretty fun though.


What's going on with your situation?


----------



## ReGroup

If it was meant for OM... 

I'm sure he wouldn't be happy that I have emails from her screaming: FIGHT FOR ME! 

Lol

Like The Titans say: In The End, You Have To Laugh.


----------



## Ceegee

Just trying to finish up this nightmare. 9 months and $60k spent on this divorce. It's truly pathetic. But I'm in a good place. My kids are doing great - with me this weekend. And I've been "talking" with a wonderful woman that just experienced the same thing. It's nice being with a well rounded, emotionally stable woman for once.


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> It's nice being with a well rounded, emotionally stable woman for once.


Isn't it!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I have been getting heckled by all The Yankee Fans in my office.


Same here.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> Isn't it!!! :smthumbup:


A nice tiger tat is an added bonus.


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> A nice tiger tat is an added bonus.


Oh boy. It sure is... along with the others. Rawr. 

Best of all those is someone who:

respects your boundaries
inspires you
holds themselves accountable for their mistakes
is open and honest
already employs things you are currently learning on TAM
shares your values and interests
shows appreciation
is aware and recognizes their own patterns
etc, etc.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> Oh boy. It sure is... along with the others. Rawr.
> 
> Best of all those is someone who:
> 
> respects your boundaries
> inspires you
> holds themselves accountable for their mistakes
> is open and honest
> already employs things you are currently learning on TAM
> shares your values and interests
> shows appreciation
> is aware and recognizes their own patterns
> etc, etc.


Understand the concepts of #3's...


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> Understand the concepts of #3's...


Also doesn't hurt if they are a former BS. There is a level of understanding there.


----------



## zillard

zillard said:


> Also doesn't hurt if they are a former BS. There is a level of understanding there.


Tiger and I have spoken about how we both have some trust issues to work through - individually. 

Even though we are pretty casual at the moment - no expectations - she shows empathy and respect. 

Last night I messaged her to say hi. She was out on the town. Without me asking she told me who she was with (a girlfriend). She texted me during. Then she messaged me when she arrived home to say goodnight.

None of that was required. All of it is refreshing.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hey, Z, sounds like you may have found a keeper.


----------



## Northern Monkey

The first time I heard my new girl say "I'm not ok with" I kinda melted a little!

She ticks the same list as you gave but her tats don't include a tiger.


----------



## Chuck71

Group the coffee shop song may have been sent intentionally

not responding was excellent, you were not phased

full steam ahead

stop whining about the Mets, it could be worse

you could be a Twins fan LOL


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> Group the coffee shop song may have been sent intentionally
> 
> not responding was excellent, you were not phased
> 
> full steam ahead


I agree. Note how my x keeps mentioning dude's truck. Because I have not reacted. 

"See! I'm moving on too RG. Notice!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

she brings hyperbole to a new level

what next? they share a cheese sandwich???


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> she brings hyperbole to a new level
> 
> what next? they share a cheese sandwich???


Oh.... the time I fell in love over a cheese sammy. 

Gooey, stringy love. 

Toasted juuuuuusssst right, baby. mmmmmhhhmmmm.


----------



## Chuck71

Rotflmfao


----------



## Decorum

Mavash. said:


> Sorry sweetheart no man wants to woo a b1tch.



:rofl: HA HA HA my future signature.




Btw a comedian once said "always leave them wanting more" thats how I feel when I get to the last page on this thread.

I wait a few days so I can get it in bigger chunks.

Rg this is a good thread, we are all learning together, I tend to lurk but I'm rooting for team RG!


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Did you not take D4 this weekend because your mom isn't around and you can't handle taking care of her when you are alone and have no help?


RG: You done?


Mrs. RG: Am I done? Yes I put a question mark at the end of my question, which in the English language usually corresponds with a response from the partner.*


RG: And the purpose of this type of response is?


Mrs RG: The purpose is conversational, which is a form of communication for gleaning information. It simply is an inquiry RG.


RG: I'm not ok with your condescending questions.*


Mrs. RG: You have such a hard time being responsive and direct. You love doing your floating technique*


Mrs. RG: And you still can't answer my question. It's not condescending. It's inquiring. Stop being so sensitive and answer the damn question.*


RG: I'm not ok with your trivial questions.


Have D4 ready by 815 tomorrow. You can pick her up at 5 - no later.


Mrs. RG: U can drop her at 5. Anything after 3 is too late because I usually do laundry etc.*


RG: Then pick her up at 3.


Mrs. RG: And don't you impose your bully words on me telling me no later when u have absolutely NO respect for me or my time.*


Mrs. RG: You say all this bull**** about how you want me to talk to you, why don't u take your own advice and exercise your own pretentious free from judgement ****.*


Mrs. RG: Oh yes god forbid u actually spend time with her and actually feed her. I'm sure 12 would be perfect for you.*


Mrs RG: Ill do you one better, I'll pick her up after she comes back from soccer.*


Mrs. RG: Then you drop her off at 3.


RG: I am not ok with that.



You are the prototypical angry man. You have shown D4 and I nothing of change or progression. You are the same depressive, stubborn, unfriendly,*


unmotivated, unhelpful and selfish man that you have always been!! And u will never change. Not even for poor D4.



For the sake of D4 you should be co-parenting with me but you hate me so much that you can't even be cordial to me.*


What's sad is the total disconnect that there seems to be which makes me realize more and more everyday that I tried to force a love and relationship that you


Are uncabable of at least with me then in which we were never meant to be if that's the case!


RG: Hate you?


Mrs RG: Oooh yeah, you sure do.


You've always hated me! That's why it was so hard for you to love me and to show me love.*


You hate how I am, you hate how i dress, you hate my passion, good and bad! You hate that I was social and hated that I talked to much. You hated that I wanted more from you and us.


RG: Lol. Never.


Mrs. RG: Oh stop it.


RG: I'm sorry if that's your perception, but you are way off.


Mrs. RG: And what are u doing to change that perception i have ....nothing! You have left me w no fond memories, especially after your whole attitude during this ordeal!


RG: Am I to blame for everything?


Mrs. RG: Nobody has said anything about blame my man.*


Mrs. RG: U are always looking to blame or place blame or assign blame. It's not always about blame.*


RG: How so?

_____________________________________________


Lol.


Decorum, stop by more often.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

RG to the original question why didn't you simply answer "no".

She baited you and you fell for it indirectly.

Hence this whole pointless conversation.


----------



## ReGroup

I didn't like what she was implying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I didn't like what she was implying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you think you can convince her to think differently?

By defending/responding you show weakness.

Ignoring that message would have probably been the best now that I think about it.

Train her that if she's a b1tch you don't answer.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I didn't like what she was implying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your emotions got in the way. Not hating them, I was feeling the same as I read it. But, Mav, as usual, is right.


----------



## ReGroup

Yes, yes, yes... SMH.

You right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Damn... I wasn't even upset.

Mav is going to make me run some laps now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

RG this world is full of angry blame shifters. They are everywhere.

It is a skill and an art to not let them get to you.

Learn to see through them.

They are miserable people and this has NOTHING to do with you.


----------



## Awakening2012

Caps! (just sayin') 

See you at the Rangers' barn Monday night!

Best,- A12


----------



## Chuck71

Group.... great composure! I could not have been so low key

My reply would have been "blow it out your a$$"

yes wrong thing to say but I hate things long n drawn out

maybe she will find religion someday

in the end, I want to see you have the choice

to walk away or take another swing with her


----------



## Mavash.

Chuck71 said:


> Group.... great composure! I could not have been so low key
> 
> My reply would have been "blow it out your a$$"
> 
> yes wrong thing to say but I hate things long n drawn out
> 
> maybe she will find religion someday
> 
> in the end, I want to see you have the choice
> 
> to walk away or take another swing with her


If they didn't have a kid together this is absolutely what I would advice.

Being co parents means a different strategy.

It's like if you have a toxic boss you don't have the luxury of telling them off.

You have to learn to coexist with them peacefully and that is done by staying in the center of the drama triangle.


----------



## happyman64

> Mrs. RG: Nobody has said anything about blame *my ma*n.*


Hey RG

She has all that animosity towards you, has a BF and still calls you her man.

Congratulations, she just paid you the biggest compliment while dropping more text bombs on you.....

What a shame you cannot ask her a question and get back an honest answer???

"RG: if I am still your man why do you hate me and blame me so much?"

Have a great day today RG. With the only girl that matters right now.


----------



## Pbartender

happyman64 said:


> Hey RG
> 
> She has all that animosity towards you, has a BF and still calls you her man.


I don't think that what she meant by "my man" at all... Sounds more like the tongue-in-cheek way people end a rejoinder toward a "respected"(?) opponent... More sarcastic, than anything else.

It's like when you hear the British supervillains in the movies say something like, "Nobody has said anything about blame, old chap."

A meaningless verbal flourish, nothing more.


----------



## PieceOfSky

GutPunch said:


> Well...if it makes you all feel better I was nothing like you pathetic grovelers. Bought flowers once in 13 years, yet I still got the shaft.


Actually, that does make me feel better. Laughing, with tears in my eyes, but laughing nonetheless. Thanks! 

(Btw, I mean that in a good/sincere way.)


----------



## happyman64

Pbartender said:


> I don't think that what she meant by "my man" at all... Sounds more like the tongue-in-cheek way people end a rejoinder toward a "respected"(?) opponent... More sarcastic, than anything else.
> 
> It's like when you hear the British supervillains in the movies say something like, "Nobody has said anything about blame, old chap."
> 
> A meaningless verbal flourish, nothing more.


Hold on. I will clear up my previous post with this.

:sarcasm: :sarcasm:

If only we had a sarcasm smiley you guys would get my posts.....


----------



## Ceegee

happyman64 said:


> Hold on. I will clear up my previous post with this.
> 
> :sarcasm: :sarcasm:
> 
> If only we had a sarcasm smiley you guys would get my posts.....


----------



## Pbartender

happyman64 said:


> Hold on. I will clear up my previous post with this.
> 
> :sarcasm: :sarcasm:
> 
> If only we had a sarcasm smiley you guys would get my posts.....


No worries... I find the eyeroll emoticon works well for sarcasm. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

You guys made laugh tonight. Thanks.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG claims that I am "playing games".

Apparently my attorney didn't place the call on Friday. Quite possible. He seems like a very busy guy and hard to get a hold of.

She said he hadn't reached out to her attorney.

I told her Team RG was willing to write up the settlement. She said, "its been done". I gave her his email address but she insist that I have him call her attorney as it's "customary" to do so... She worded it like Mav's email a couple of weeks ago. 

I placed a call to my attorney today and left him a message with her attorney's contact info. Hopefully he gives the guy a call sooner rather than later.

I saw Mrs. RG yesterday and everything was cordial. She informed me that she had taken D4 to a pulmonary specialist a week ago.

D4 seems to have minor problems breathing. She gets tired quick. 
Took her to Kiddie Soccer yesterday and she didn't want to participate - looking sad and depressed.

When I took her home she asked, "Can you live with us again? When you and mommy were living together you were married right? I don't want to be alone anymore. Can you live with us like when I was a little kid? I want to live with more people. (PosOM) hit me in the leg playing around - I was mad at him."

I had to tell her "no" and she put her head down and started moping.

I informed Mrs. RG that D4 didn't want to participate in soccer. She said she probably just wants one on one time with her father.

This is hell.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG claims that I am "playing games".
> 
> Apparently my attorney didn't place the call on Friday. Quite possible. He seems like a very busy guy and hard to get a hold of.
> 
> She said he hadn't reached out to her attorney.
> 
> I told her Team RG was willing to write up the settlement. She said, "its been done". I gave her his email address but she insist that I have him call her attorney as it's "customary" to do so... She worded it like Mav's email a couple of weeks ago.
> 
> I placed a call to my attorney today and left him a message with her attorney's contact info. Hopefully he gives the guy a call sooner rather than later.
> 
> I saw Mrs. RG yesterday and everything was cordial. She informed me that she had taken D4 to a pulmonary specialist a week ago.
> 
> D4 seems to have minor problems breathing. She gets tired quick.
> Took her to Kiddie Soccer yesterday and she didn't want to participate - looking sad and depressed.
> 
> When I took her home she asked, "Can you live with us again? When you and mommy were living together you were married right? I don't want to be alone anymore. Can you live with us like when I was a little kid? I want to live with more people. (PosOM) hit me in the leg playing around - I was mad at him."
> 
> I had to tell her "no" and she put her head down and started moping.
> 
> I informed Mrs. RG that D4 didn't want to participate in soccer. She said she probably just wants one on one time with her father.
> 
> This is hell.


So sorry RG. Out of all the BS divorce cause, seeing it affect the kids is by far the worst. It's misery and you can't do a darn thing about it but be there for them any chance you get. Hold them, comfort them. Make them feel that they are protected even when you aren't there. Let them know that not a minute passes that you don't think about them every single day.

I had a similar situation just before taking the kids back to their moms yesterday. My son comes over to my place after school everyday and his mom picks him up there. This is for school district placement. So, yesterday my daughter tells me that she wishes that she was my son. I ask her why and she says so that she can see me everyday too. Freaking breaks my heart man.


----------



## Ceegee

Oh, and my response to her was "that sounds great to me. I'd like to see you everyday too. Just ask your mom." Let her answer to that.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> So, yesterday my daughter tells me that she wishes that she was my son. I ask her why and she says so that she can see me everyday too. Freaking breaks my heart man.


Damn... that is rough. I would have lost it.

Painful.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Damn... that is rough. I would have lost it.
> 
> Painful.


My family and friends that aren't divorced don't get it. They say "awe, isn't that sweet". No, it's not - it's like a knife to the chest, thank you very much.


----------



## Ceegee

Sorry for hijacking your thread with my rant RG. I've actually been waiting to hear for you all day. 

Attorneys are notoriously slow is responding. They spend a lot of time in court and have a lot to catch up on when they get back in the office. 

Mrs RG will learn this as time goes by. There's nothing you can do about it.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Sorry for hijacking your thread with my rant RG.


Never! This is everyone's thread on TAM. We all learning and teaching here - post your story and/or rants anytime.

I want to send her: How about just emailing the damn thing to my guy. It won't cost you guys anything.

They have the mailing address, phone number and email address... yet, I am playing games.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Ceegee said:


> My family and friends that aren't divorced don't get it. They say "awe, isn't that sweet". No, it's not - it's like a knife to the chest, thank you very much.


I'm very sorry for you both. 

Is the leg incident something to worry about? Or just an accident?


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Never! This is everyone's thread on TAM. We all learning and teaching here - post your story and/or rants anytime.
> 
> I want to send her: How about just emailing the damn thing to my guy. It won't cost you guys anything.
> 
> They have the mailing address, phone number and email address... yet, I am playing games.


Personally, I don't think any further response is necessary. You've done what you needed to do by contacting your attorney. My initial thought was to email the request to your attorney and CC Mrs RG. But that blurs the line between attorney and client so I wouldn't recommend it.


----------



## ReGroup

PieceOfSky said:


> Is the leg incident something to worry about? Or just an accident?


Most likely an accident.

D4 didn't appreciate it though or she wouldn't have brought it up.

She made it known to him that she didn't like it - Little girl already setting up boundaries. Lol


----------



## Chuck71

Group.... question, who in the past runs stall tactics? 

This one time MrsRG is speed??

you pay attorneys for a reason, to deal with petty chit.

"If you have any questions have your attorney contact mine."

Group you do not allow the Div to manipulate your every thought, YKW does

D observes both you and Mrs.RG, she is aware of the sadness 

maybe Mrs.RG is miserable and D wants to make her feel better

only happiness she has known is when mommy and daddy were together

curious ........ is POSOM even in picture anymore?


----------



## Bullwinkle

Yo, Group, just checking in, hope you're okay. 

A few posts ago you said, this is hell. I know, amigo, I know.


----------



## ReGroup

Team Fantasy work at the same school together.
I don't know the dynamics of their relationship. I never ask.

I feel like I am wearing down a bit. I am catching The BullWinkle Insomnia.

Chucky, you are right - my job on my end is done. I need to let it play out.

My daughter's comments this weekend tore into me.

I have to re-energize quick, the battle hasn't even started.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Group you will be fine, are on solid ground now

in 2023 D will not ask you what happened, she will ask mom

you wanted things to work out, Mrs. RG wanted the fantasy

school years are different in NY than TN, there school goes to June

don't be surprised if posom wants to high tail it after 2012-2013 is done


----------



## Lifescript

Watching the child (ren) hurt is the worst part of this hell ride. During last separation my son would ask me to sleep at home again. It's one of the reasons why I decided to try again.


----------



## Mavash.

RG do you really think that being married is going to spare your daughter from pain? I've got three kids, am happily married, and I'm here to tell you it doesn't work that way. There are days when what my kids go through is enough to bring me to my knees. Life isn't fair and its hard. Divorces, financial struggles, the recession, sexual predators, bullies, mean teachers, deaths of family members, it's a bad bad world out there.

Let me tell you from experience sinking to that "it's hell" is a form of wallowing. I can think its hell when my son comes home crying for an hour because he was bullied or I can deal with it. There are things within my control and things that aren't. The key is knowing the difference. My kids are going to get hurt, are going to feel pain and there isn't a darn thing I can do to stop it. My job is to teach them that they are okay and this I'm here for them.

Does it suck that you aren't there for her daily? Yes but that's not your choice. Does it suck that my son has aspergers? Yes but that's not my choice either.

We are not defined by the good times we are defined by the bad times. Show your daughter that life is going to be okay no matter what her circumstances are. But before you can do this you must first believe it yourself.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> RG do you really think that being married is going to spare your daughter from pain? I've got three kids, am happily married, and I'm here to tell you it doesn't work that way. There are days when what my kids go through is enough to bring me to my knees. Life isn't fair and its hard. Divorces, financial struggles, the recession, sexual predators, bullies, mean teachers, deaths of family members, it's a bad bad world out there.
> 
> Let me tell you from experience sinking to that "it's hell" is a form of wallowing. I can think its hell when my son comes home crying for an hour because he was bullied or I can deal with it. There are things within my control and things that aren't. The key is knowing the difference. My kids are going to get hurt, are going to feel pain and there isn't a darn thing I can do to stop it. My job is to teach them that they are okay and this I'm here for them.
> 
> Does it suck that you aren't there for her daily? Yes but that's not your choice. Does it suck that my son has aspergers? Yes but that's not my choice either.
> 
> We are not defined by the good times we are defined by the bad times. Show your daughter that life is going to be okay no matter what her circumstances are. But before you can do this you must first believe it yourself.


Of course you're right Mavash. But I don't think anyone is suggesting that children with two parents at home don't have any problems. 

Spouses who are left behind and have children struggle with not being there for them when they come home with the issues you mention. 

Is it wallowing, sure. Partly because of the guilty feeling we have for failing the children in this regard. But also, maybe more so, is the resentment we have for the spouse who walked away and put the children in this position to begin with.


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> Is it wallowing, sure. Partly because of the guilty feeling we have for failing the children in this regard. But also, maybe more so, is the resentment we have for the spouse who walked away and put the children in this position to begin with.


Whats the old adage - holding onto anger/resentment is like holding a hot coal. It only burns you.

Letting go of the things we can not change empowers us to change the things we can.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> Whats the old adage - holding onto anger/resentment is like holding a hot coal. It only burns you.
> 
> Letting go of the things we can not change empowers us to change the things we can.


Certainly, you work through the anger and resentment. But it's still a valid emotion that needs to be addressed and worked out. It's part of the process isn't it?


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> Certainly, you work through the anger and resentment. But it's still a valid emotion that needs to be addressed and worked out. It's part of the process isn't it?


Yes, definitely a process. The anger should never be buried. It should be expressed in a healthy way in order to avoid the implosion/explosion stage and break the anger cycle.


----------



## Mavash.

Guilt is a worthless emotion. How is feeling guilty helpful when your spouse is the one who cheated and left? Does not compute.

And resentment towards a spouse who has been gone for year makes no sense either. It is what it is. Either deal with it or continue to feel bad about it. Your choice.

My point is bad things are going to happen whether you like it or not. Either you learn to accept and roll with it or you can wallow in what ifs. 

Makes no difference to me I've chosen to accept. I think life sucks at times but I just fix what I can and let the rest go.


----------



## Lifescript

I'm at the anger stage right now. Need to learn to express it in a positive way.


----------



## zillard

Lifescript said:


> I'm at the anger stage right now. Need to learn to express it in a positive way.


Gun range.

But unload before you go home.


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> I'm at the anger stage right now. Need to learn to express it in a positive way.


See this makes no sense to me. If anyone has the right to be pissed its you but you're more concerned about her feelings than you are your own.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> See this makes no sense to me. If anyone has the right to be pissed its you but you're more concerned about her feelings than you are your own.


Express it in a healthy way (with your integrity intact and no physical harm to others). 

Whether it's positive or not is relative.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Guilt is a worthless emotion. How is feeling guilty helpful when your spouse is the one who cheated and left? Does not compute.
> 
> And resentment towards a spouse who has been gone for year makes no sense either. It is what it is. Either deal with it or continue to feel bad about it. Your choice.
> 
> My point is bad things are going to happen whether you like it or not. Either you learn to accept and roll with it or you can wallow in what ifs.
> 
> Makes no difference to me I've chosen to accept. I think life sucks at times but I just fix what I can and let the rest go.


Mavash - I agree with you in principle; wholeheartedly. Guilt and resentment are toxic emotions and serve no purpose. It's just that it sounds like, and forgive me if I'm wrong, that you are just saying to ignore them. Couldn't we find better ways of shedding these emotions?


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> See this makes no sense to me. If anyone has the right to be pissed its you but you're more concerned about her feelings than you are your own.


I'm not concerned about her. I mean in a + way, not harming others. Been thinking a lot about hurting OM. So much rage inside.


----------



## Chuck71

Script-Did the OM know about you or fact she was still married?


----------



## Lifescript

Yes.


----------



## Lifescript

They went out while we were separated. We got back together and they stopped talking/going out for a little bit then it was on again.


----------



## ReGroup

Great conversation - why I love this place. It's a free education.

I'm not mad at her... A little bitter. Her choice, not mine.

D4 is all that matters.

I see the pain in my daughters face and it gets to me.

But in the long run I'll be fine to provide stability for her... Same goes for the rest of us.

We are learning - that's what sets us apart from the WS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

RG the skill is to not OWN your daughters pain.

It's hers and hers alone. You did not DO this to her despite what mrs RG says.

This is hard to do but it's important.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG the skill is to not OWN your daughters pain.
> 
> It's hers and hers alone. You did not DO this to her despite what mrs RG says.
> 
> This is hard to do but it's important.


Lil' RG is screaming: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

That must be the last phase in Jedi Training.


----------



## Mavash.

Look right now my 12 year old aspergers son is in a pissy mood. He's sick of middle school and I get it. That place is hell. In the past I'd let his mood affect me, id want to rescue him, or I'd try to talk him out of it. Now I just say yes you're right it sucks. I ask if there is anything I can do or if I think of something I offer it up. 

What I don't do is own it. I didn't yell at him. I didn't give him a mountain of homework. I didn't call him names. Nope I am not the source of his pain.

I'm his mother and I adore him. I know the difference between his feelings and mine. We are two people not one.

This takes practice. I focus on owning what's my fault and what's not. What's in my control and what's not. I cannot save him from middle school no more than you can save your daughter from the situation she's in.

Get it?


----------



## ReGroup

Yes Ma'am.

Loud and clear.

Support her in ways that I can as opposed to stressing stuff I can do nothing about.

It being a skill is right. But very rewarding applied in the right way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PieceOfSky

Mavash. said:


> Look right now my 12 year old aspergers son is in a pissy mood. He's sick of middle school and I get it. That place is hell. In the past I'd let his mood affect me, id want to rescue him, or I'd try to talk him out of it. Now I just say yes you're right it sucks. I ask if there is anything I can do or if I think of something I offer it up.
> 
> What I don't do is own it. I didn't yell at him. I didn't give him a mountain of homework. I didn't call him names. Nope I am not the source of his pain.
> 
> I'm his mother and I adore him. I know the difference between his feelings and mine. We are two people not one.
> 
> This takes practice. I focus on owning what's my fault and what's not. What's in my control and what's not. I cannot save him from middle school no more than you can save your daughter from the situation she's in.
> 
> Get it?


Thank you, Mavash. I need to print that out and carry with me.


----------



## Mavash.

Y'all realize you can be codependent with your kids right?

I've done it and have taken steps to stop it.

It's not easy but I want my kids to take responsibility for their own lives and emotions. No rescuing or talking them out of their feelings,


----------



## zillard

"I know you hate it, and that's ok. I'm sorry you are upset, and I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Also, if my D7 doesn't ask for help, she is just complaining. I don't rush to help unless she asks nicely. 

D - I'm thirsty!

Z - Ok. 

...

D - Dad, will you please get me some water?

Z - Absolutely, sweety!


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Y'all realize you can be codependent with your kids right?


Yes, when I was typing my last response - I said to myself: Isn't this co-dependency?

Small relevation for me. That tells me that what you guys are teaching is sinking in. 

Remove CD and #3s and chances are you'll live a good life.

No small feat... Mav, is this something you constantly work on or defeat once and for all?


----------



## Mavash.

I didn't defeat it completely but I don't see it as a daily struggle either. I have balance in my life. I listen to my body. It will tell me when something's wrong. Negative feelings need to be analyzed. As long as I feel good there is nothing to do but rock on.

That negative feeling you had about what your daughter was a sign to look inward.

Peace is the ultimate goal.


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> Look right now my 12 year old aspergers son is in a pissy mood. He's sick of middle school and I get it. That place is hell. In the past I'd let his mood affect me, id want to rescue him, or I'd try to talk him out of it. Now I just say yes you're right it sucks. I ask if there is anything I can do or if I think of something I offer it up.
> 
> What I don't do is own it. I didn't yell at him. I didn't give him a mountain of homework. I didn't call him names. Nope I am not the source of his pain.
> 
> I'm his mother and I adore him. I know the difference between his feelings and mine. We are two people not one.
> 
> This takes practice. I focus on owning what's my fault and what's not. What's in my control and what's not. I cannot save him from middle school no more than you can save your daughter from the situation she's in.
> 
> Get it?


I can grok that... S15 has high-functioning autism, and is just finishing his last year of middle school. He's had almost the exact same problems.

It's tough.


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> "I know you hate it, and that's ok. I'm sorry you are upset, and I'm here if you want to talk about it."
> 
> Also, if my D7 doesn't ask for help, she is just complaining. I don't rush to help unless she asks nicely.
> 
> D - I'm thirsty!
> 
> Z - Ok.
> 
> ...
> 
> D - Dad, will you please get me some water?
> 
> Z - Absolutely, sweety!


You nailed it.


----------



## zillard

It also helps if you understand that children a little narcicists. 

Often times they just want to know that you are listening to them. Deal with them the same way you would a mrs RG and they are much more cooperative.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

junior high / middle school ..... blah

i have yet to run into someone who liked those years

i even hated teaching those grades


----------



## ReGroup

I think Chip is out on parole today!

Can't wait for the "Greetings Friends and Others"...

He's going to be Lumber Happy.


----------



## Pbartender

zillard said:


> It also helps if you understand that children a little narcicists.


Or, conversely, narcissists are big kids.

Deal with Mrs. RG the same way you would a girl in grade school and she'll be much more cooperative.


----------



## Ceegee

Pbartender said:


> Or, conversely, narcissists are big kids.
> 
> Deal with Mrs. RG the same way you would a girl in grade school and she'll be much more cooperative.



I'm finding this to be very true with my sweet little narcissist. I've completely given up trying to use logic with her. I'm much happier because of it.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I'm finding this to be very true with my sweet little narcissist. I've completely given up trying to use logic with her. I'm much happier because of it.


Isn't she?


----------



## Lifescript

Welcome back Conrado.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Welcome back Conrado.


Anything new with you Script?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Isn't she?


Well, look what the cat drug in...


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Anything new with you Script?


Nope.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG senses Chip is back...

Mrs. RG: Hello, 

D4 does not have school tomorrow?

Also being that mother's day is Sunday, do you have plans for her this Sunday?

RG: Yes, I have plans with her.

Mrs. RG: What are your plans and when...she will be with me for Sunday.

RG: She has Soccer and doing something afterwards.

Mrs. RG: RG, its mother's day....

Mrs. RG: Are you going to take the day off to watch her tomorrow?

- It is mother's day, but I have plans with D4 to spend with The RG Family. Maybe I can offer a compromise?

- And again, she's asking for help on her days.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG senses Chip is back...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Hello,
> 
> D4 does not have school tomorrow?
> 
> Also being that mother's day is Sunday, do you have plans for her this Sunday?
> 
> RG: Yes, I have plans with her.
> 
> Mrs. RG: What are your plans and when...she will be with me for Sunday.
> 
> RG: She has Soccer and doing something afterwards.
> 
> Mrs. RG: RG, its mother's day....
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you going to take the day off to watch her tomorrow?
> 
> - It is mother's day, but I have plans with D4 to spend with The RG Family. Maybe I can offer a compromise?
> 
> - And again, she's asking for help on her days.


I'm not following this.

This is your weekend?

D4 is spending it with you and her grandmother.

That works for me.


----------



## ReGroup

My weekend Chip.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> My weekend Chip.


It's Mother's Day.

"We're spending it with my mother - thanks for asking"


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> It's Mother's Day.
> 
> "We're spending it with my mother - thanks for asking"


And questioning if I am staying with D4 tomorrow - her day?


----------



## zillard

Would you want her on Father's Day?

X and I have an agreement that D7 is with mom on Mother's Day and dad on Father's Day, regardless of normal parenting schedule.

This is why a parenting plan with holidays specified is important.


----------



## dscl

zillard said:


> Would you want her on Father's Day?
> 
> X and I have an agreement that D7 is with mom on Mother's Day and dad on Father's Day, regardless of normal parenting schedule.
> 
> This is why a parenting plan with holidays specified is important.


Same in my case.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> And questioning if I am staying with D4 tomorrow - her day?


Frankly, I never care about Father's Day - Mother's Day or whatever. But, that's just me.

"Tomorrow is your day with D4, what time are you picking her up?"


----------



## Lifescript

I think you should concede part of the day to her. It's Mother's Day.


----------



## ReGroup

God, I love standing up to her.

Feels awesome: No.

During the week, D4 is your responsibility.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: no, it is our responsibility...you are still her father during the week. Ive been cleaning up your mess every weekend on "YOUR TIME" you dont change her, you dont feed her, you go MIA..

As for Sunday, Im sorry but it is Mother's day and she will not be going to soccer this Sunday. Im sure you can understand why...

Ive been cordial, kind, formal, attentive and involved, you on the other hand have been sneaky, dishonest, hurtful, secretive, inappropriate and at many times unfit in dealing with D4...


I would NEVER take D4 to do something on Father's day, ever! I would make that exception if I had something with her because it is your day. I think that its funny that you have gone MIA the last couple of weekends, no show, no call, and only choose to see her for a few hours on Sunday and then magically on Mother's Day you have all of these plans with her..I dont think so...you better stop your games and your shenanigans. Be mature and respectful...you never cared about making a nice mother's day for me in the past so why should I expect it to be any different this year....
------------------------------------------------------------
She responded to this: D4 and I have morning obligations...

We can work out an arrangement for you to pick her up a little earlier than usual - that way, she can spend time with you early afternoon.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Ive been cordial, kind, formal, attentive and involved


...with posOM.


----------



## Mavash.

Stand your ground RG.

She's far from mother of the year.

Mother's Day my ass she's just trying to be difficult or she needs D4 for a dog and pony show with OM.

Conceding a few hours is plenty.

Just say no.


----------



## ReGroup

Will do...

What I plan on sending: 

You were forwarded The Soccer Schedule well in advance. After soccer, I am willing to work something out with you in order for her to spend time with you on Mother's Day.

In regards to tomorrow, it is your responsibility to secure a sitter for D4.

Ok with this TAM'ers?


----------



## Mavash.

I like it.

Her message sounded like a threat.

Was tempted to say "or else what" but I restrained.

Lol


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Was tempted to say "or else what" but I restrained. Lol


The Feisty Mavash is in today... Mrs. RG better not push buttons.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> My weekend Chip.


In most divorce agreements, mothers day/fathers day is written in as exception to the agreements. 

You may want to work with her on this one. JMO


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Will do...
> 
> What I plan on sending:
> 
> You were forwarded The Soccer Schedule well in advance. After soccer, I am willing to work something out with you in order for her to spend time with you on Mother's Day.
> 
> In regards to tomorrow, it is your responsibility to secure a sitter for D4.
> 
> Ok with this TAM'ers?


Soccer should not be missed.


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> In most divorce agreements, mothers day/fathers day is written in as exception to the agreements.
> 
> You may want to work with her on this one. JMO


Soccer ends at 11am. I am willing to exchange her after that. 

I don't think I am being unfair.


----------



## Ceegee

GutPunch said:


> In most divorce agreements, mothers day/fathers day is written in as exception to the agreements.
> 
> You may want to work with her on this one. JMO


I tend to agree. It's part of Texas' SPO.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Soccer ends at 11am. I am willing to exchange her after that.
> 
> I don't think I am being unfair.


You are not being unfair as there was no previous agreement otherwise. 

There probably should be going forward though.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Soccer ends at 11am. I am willing to exchange her after that.
> 
> I don't think I am being unfair.


That's fair.


----------



## Conrad

Once again, Mrs. ReG continues to make assumptions that she can dictate terms.

Alas, she cannot.

And, she is quite a ways from Mother of the Year.

BTW - what is this stuff about the last two weekends?


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: RG, you forwarded me the soccer schedule and said that she doesnt need to make everyone and that you are "aiming for 6/8." You did not take her to the soccer two Sundays ago...you are doing this to spite me...


LOL...I already have Laila taken care of because thats what a parent does....I was just giving you the opportunity to be a stand-up guy as well as a father and take advantage of the time to hang with her...


as per your email: "I wanted to give you a heads up... I registered D4 in a Soccer League - I know you'll have her on some weekends... Realistically, she doesn't need to attend each session: I'm aiming for 6/8."

Stop being a bully, you are not willing to do anything but spite me and my daughter. This kid is looking forward to mother's day...

Shame on you for what you are trying to do.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I did say 6/8 times because I have D4 3/4 weeks in a month.
I didn't take D4 2 weeks ago because she was sick.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Stop being a bully, you are not willing to do anything but spite me and *my* daughter. This kid is looking forward to mother's day...


I am willing to let you spend time with OUR daughter after Xam on Mother's Day.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> Once again, Mrs. ReG continues to make assumptions that she can dictate terms.
> 
> Alas, she cannot.
> 
> And, she is quite a ways from Mother of the Year.
> 
> BTW - what is this stuff about the last two weekends?


Unfortunately, Mother's Day is not reserved for Mothers of the Year only. 

I'm pretty sure most standard visitation schedules reserve Mother's Day for the mother, regardless of who's weekend it is.

RG, rather than make a contest/conflict over this, think of it from your child's perspective. It's a day for children to be with their mother, and vice versa.

Personally, I think that exchanging her after soccer would be fine. However, if MsRG has other plans, then let her. 

Your marriage is over. There really should be no need to squabble about it. Mother's get the kids on Mother's Day. Fathers get the kids on Father's Day. That's the way it goes, dude.

Just my two cents.


----------



## 06Daddio08

It's my weekend with the kids, ex asked if she could take them for a bit at lunch. Why would there be an objection?


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Unfortunately, Mother's Day is not reserved for Mothers of the Year only.
> 
> I'm pretty sure most standard visitation schedules reserve Mother's Day for the mother, regardless of who's weekend it is.
> 
> RG, rather than make a contest/conflict over this, think of it from your child's perspective. It's a day for children to be with their mother, and vice versa.
> 
> Personally, I think that exchanging her after soccer would be fine. However, if MsRG has other plans, then let her.
> 
> Your marriage is over. There really should be no need to squabble about it. Mother's get the kids on Mother's Day. Fathers get the kids on Father's Day. That's the way it goes, dude.
> 
> Just my two cents.


Three Strikes,

This is a woman that abandoned her husband and shacked up with posOM.

Now, she insists he play nice - without anything in writing.

Have you read the entire thread?


----------



## zillard

She asked if he had plans for d on mothers day. 

He replied that he did. Then agreed to let her have her after soccer. 

Now she's just being difficult.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> Three Strikes,
> 
> This is a woman that abandoned her husband and shacked up with posOM.
> 
> Now, she insists he play nice - without anything in writing.
> 
> Have you read the entire thread?


Yes, I've read the thread. I've lived a very similar situation. I've gotten a lot out if it. 

Obviously, something should have been put in writing a long time ago. However, the courts still consider the situation a "separation", and the minimum visitation schedule would be assumed, since their is no other co-parenting schedule in place. Deviation from said schedule could be used against RG.

It seems like it's more about RG and MsRG, and not the child. The child is being used as a bargaining tool, and the courts do not look kindly on that sort of behavior.

It's two days out of the year. Don't sweat it.

Again, it's just my two cents.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I didn't take D4 2 weeks ago because she was sick.


Do not explain this.

"I'm sorry you feel that way"


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> The Feisty Mavash is in today... Mrs. RG better not push buttons.


You have no idea. Lol

I'm practicing restraint.


----------



## zillard

If the child is signed up for soccer it is also important that she go. 

No reason she can't do both.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> If the child is signed up for soccer it is also important that she go.
> 
> No reason she can't do both.


Absolutely

This is simply another Fitness Test

Hilarious that the bully accuses ReGroup of bullying


----------



## Conrad

I'm thinking the stars are in alignment for Mav's posOM haymaker.

Here's hoping.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> BTW - what is this stuff about the last two weekends?


1st weekend I text her that I am running late because I was held up... I usually pick up D4 at 9 on Saturday Mornings... I told her I could do so at 11am. When 11am hit, I texted her that I was ready to pick D4. She never responds. 

On that night, she has D4 call me at 830pm to tell me...

D4: I am disappointed in you. And I am mad at you.
- I am sure she was told to say that.

The next day I pick her up for soccer.

2nd weekend I told her a weekend in advance that I would not be in the city for Saturday. But I could take D4 to Soccer on Sunday. 
-It was her weekend anyways.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> D4: I am disappointed in you. And I am mad at you.
> - I am sure she was told to say that.


Disgraceful

I know how things are in the City.

But, give yourself plenty of time to be on time.


----------



## Ceegee

This is a topic that is usually covered early on. While I maintain that is is a normal request, given the circumstances, I question her sincerity. Why wait until 2 days before Mothers Day weekend if its so important to her?


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> This is a topic that is usually covered early on. While I maintain that is is a normal request, given the circumstances, I question her sincerity. Why wait until 2 days before Mothers Day weekend if its so important to her?


Give it a few more exchanges, it will be about money.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> This is a topic that is usually covered early on. While I maintain that is is a normal request, given the circumstances, I question her sincerity. Why wait until 2 days before Mothers Day weekend if its so important to her?


I know. This has nothing to do with me.

She simply could have said: Hey, I have plans on Sunday early in the morning. Can she skip soccer this weekend?

At least ask. 

She opens up: Do you have plans this weekend? :scratchhead:


----------



## zillard

"You are more than welcome to come watch D play soccer"


----------



## ReGroup

Z, according to her last November... "Having us 3 in the same place will only confuse D4". Lol. 

Should I just ignore the last email?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

This is my weekend with my boys. Earlier in the week, I text the X and ask what time she wants to pick them up on Sunday, since I assume she wants to spend Mother's Day with them, and they with her. 

She texts back "Sunday around noon".

No drama. No power struggle. It's Mother's Day.

Peace of mind.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> "You are more than welcome to come watch D play soccer"


I like this answer.


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> This is my weekend with my boys. Earlier in the week, I text the X and ask what time she wants to pick them up on Sunday, since I assume she wants to spend Mother's Day with them, and they with her.
> 
> She texts back "Sunday around noon".
> 
> No drama. No power struggle. It's Mother's Day.
> 
> Peace of mind.


Lol... You weren't married to Mrs. RG.

As you can see... I'm not keeping D4 away from Mrs. RG.

The Power Struggle being played out is imaginary in her own mind. I am not fighting her.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Z, according to her last November... "Having us 3 in the same place will only confuse D4". Lol.
> 
> Should I just ignore the last email?


I say ignore her November email because it's mostly BS. Co-parenting will mean being in the same place at the same time for many years to come. 

And your daughter will appreciate it if you two can do that well. 

I would reiterate what time she can have D and suggest she come to soccer if that isn't enough time for her. 

Don't you think little D would love to see her mom watching her play? Especially if she hasn't.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol... You weren't married to Mrs. RG.
> 
> As you can see... I'm not keeping D4 away from Mrs. RG.
> 
> The Power Struggle being played out is imaginary in her own mind. I am not fighting her.


She currently knows no other way to live.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Do not explain this.
> 
> "I'm sorry you feel that way"


No, I was explaining it to you guys.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Lol... You weren't married to Mrs. RG.
> 
> As you can see... I'm not keeping D4 away from Mrs. RG.
> 
> The Power Struggle being played out is imaginary in her own mind. I am not fighting her.


Mrs RG pales in comparison to my X. And I was the epitome of the flaming co-dependent.

You are making this a personal matter. It shouldn't be. Mothers get the kids on Mother's Day. That's the way it is. Why give her ammo against you in court?

In your own way, you are persecuting her because you don't like the way she asked about the weekend plans. You are attempting to control. Get back to the middle of the triangle

It's all co-dependence. Let go. Don't take it personally. You will get your daughter on Father's Day.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: RG, you forwarded me the soccer schedule and said that she doesnt need to make everyone and that you are "aiming for 6/8." You did not take her to the soccer two Sundays ago...you are doing this to spite me...
> 
> 
> LOL...I already have Laila taken care of because thats what a parent does....I was just giving you the opportunity to be a stand-up guy as well as a father and take advantage of the time to hang with her...
> 
> 
> as per your email: "I wanted to give you a heads up... I registered D4 in a Soccer League - I know you'll have her on some weekends... Realistically, she doesn't need to attend each session: I'm aiming for 6/8."
> 
> Stop being a bully, you are not willing to do anything but spite me and my daughter. This kid is looking forward to mother's day...
> 
> Shame on you for what you are trying to do.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> I did say 6/8 times because I have D4 3/4 weeks in a month.
> I didn't take D4 2 weeks ago because she was sick.


"I think 9 hours is more than enough time to celebrate Mother's Day."


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> You will get your daughter on Father's Day.


Wanna bet?


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Mrs RG pales in comparison to my X. And I was the epitome of the flaming co-dependent.
> 
> You are making this a personal matter. It shouldn't be. Mothers get the kids on Mother's Day. That's the way it is. Why give her ammo against you in court?
> 
> In your own way, you are persecuting her because you don't like the way she asked about the weekend plans. You are attempting to control. Get back to the middle of the triangle
> 
> It's all co-dependence. Let go. Don't take it personally. You will get your daughter on Father's Day.


Dislike


----------



## ThreeStrikes

BTW, soccer practice on Mother's Day will be a ghost town. Don't be surprised if it gets cancelled.

I've coached soccer for several years. I would never dream of practicing on Mother's Day. It's sacrilege. Especially for 4 year olds. Good grief.

The only sport that trumps Mother's Day is youth Travel Baseball


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> "I think 9 hours is more than enough time to celebrate Mother's Day."


Tell that to the courts


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> Tell that to the courts


It's been a year and she hasn't even filed yet.

You have NO idea what you are talking about.


----------



## Mavash.

Fwiw Hallmark holidays are stupid.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

@Mavash and Conrad...

I really like and enjoy your posts.

We'll just agree to disagree on this particular point. 

I'm a little ahead of where RG is on his journey. Our stories are very similar(ever hear that?). It gives one a different perspective, that's all


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> It's been a year and she hasn't even filed yet.
> 
> You have NO idea what you are talking about.


Sorry you feel that way. I disagree. I lived it.


----------



## GutPunch

I know my divorce papers said if my son had football practice then my son went to football practice. If ex could not make football practice then she would give up custody for me to take him to football practice. It didn't matter if it was on xmas day. 

However, I do live in Alabama and we take are football serious.


----------



## zillard

GutPunch said:


> I know my divorce papers said if my son had football practice then my son went to football practice. If ex could not make football practice then she would give up custody for me to take him to football practice. It didn't matter if it was on xmas day.
> 
> However, I do live in Alabama and we take are football serious.


Mine put an importance on school and extracurricular activities. Neither parent allowed to bar access to them, and both permitted to participate.


----------



## dscl

GutPunch said:


> However, I do live in Alabama and we take are football serious.


Roll Tide!!


----------



## Mavash.

GutPunch said:


> I know my divorce papers said if my son had football practice then my son went to football practice. If ex could not make football practice then she would give up custody for me to take him to football practice. It didn't matter if it was on xmas day.
> 
> However, I do live in Alabama and we take are football serious.


This is what I meant.

Life doesn't stop because its Mother's Day.

Soccer should be attended and she can celebrate later. If she doesn't like it take it to court. I bet they will agree with RG.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: I have plans and I am traveling.

SMH!

Mav, crank it up!


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> Sorry you feel that way. I disagree. I lived it.


I apologize. I'm in a mood today.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: I have plans and I am traveling.
> 
> SMH!
> 
> Mav, crank it up!


What the hell?

Why don't I believe her?


----------



## ReGroup

She probably is... Upstate NY.

Mrs. RG: You are so wrong in doing this right now.


----------



## Mavash.

So she waits till 3 days before to tell you?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> So she waits till 3 days before to tell you?


My lovely wife.

I WANT TO EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I won't.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> So she waits till 3 days before to tell you?


"I'm not ok with last-minute plans derailing my time with D4"

(This one is going 15 rounds - haymaker alert)


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> So she waits till 3 days before to tell you?


If you don't teach her to respect your time, she never ever will.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> "I'm not ok with last-minute plans derailing my time with D4"
> 
> (This one is going 15 rounds - haymaker alert)


Send this.

Conrad is right she must respect your time.


----------



## Mavash.

RG your wife is by far the worst communicator I've ever encountered.

Seriously.

Even the crazy women make more sense than she does.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Send this.
> 
> Conrad is right she must respect your time.


Already sent... Fell in love w/ it instantly.

Detonation in The Bronx in 3, 2, ....


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> She probably is... Upstate NY.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You are so wrong in doing this right now.


Oh, she has the answer book? Ask her to look up affairs with posom. 


(Gig 'em GP/dscl)


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG your wife is by far the worst communicator I've ever encountered.
> 
> Seriously.
> 
> Even the crazy women make more sense than she does.


Mav, I am seeing this myself and believing it.


----------



## Mavash.

When you were with her did you have to read her mind? Was she always like this?


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> RG your wife is by far the worst communicator I've ever encountered.
> 
> Seriously.
> 
> Even the crazy women make more sense than she does.


I wonder which IV solution it will be this time?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> When you were with her did you have to read her mind? Was she always like this?


Yes. Always. ALWAYS.

We both s*cked at communications.

But her? Always a puzzle to figure out. 

Our talks mostly got us NO WHERE... and I'd sit back and think... why not? Hours of talking I might add.

She claims I have processing issues - the reason why our talks didn't materialize into effective communications.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> I wonder which IV solution it will be this time?


Chip, we've been going at this women since February you and I... If we demonstrate this weekend that she will NEED to respect my time...

It'll be our biggest battle won yet.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, we've been going at this women since February you and I... If we demonstrate this weekend that she will NEED to respect my time...
> 
> It'll be our biggest battle won yet.


Even now, with her instructing you to get your lawyer to call her lawyer....

The emphasis is on people "doing for her"

That's not a formula for respect.

My wife and I are working together now, but she quickly lapses into "giving me jobs". There are ways to pass those fitness tests also. I help when it's #2 - only.

I used to lap that crap up like a Golden Retriever drinks water.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Yes. Always. ALWAYS.
> 
> We both s*cked at communications.
> 
> But her? Always a puzzle to figure out.
> 
> Our talks mostly got us NO WHERE... and I'd sit back and think... why not? Hours of talking I might add.
> 
> She claims I have processing issues - the reason why our talks didn't materialize into effective communications.


I think you communicate just fine.

If I had to deal with this on a daily basis I'd lose my mind.

And when I lose my mind I suck at communication too.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Mother's Day is the same all year round. This is not last minute, you didn't even have the courtesy to let me know what your plans are or even ask me what my plans are so we can communicate and work together. I'm the one reaching out to you asking and inquiring about plans. And don't you dare act like you care about spending time with D4. Liar! You were a no show two weeks ago and your own daughter had to ask me to call you at 830 in the night to find out where you were and why you left her hanging to never show up. I had plans that weekend and your no show, no call antics derailed my entire weekend. On top of that i had to clean up the mess of a devastated little girl. Then you didn't feed her at soccer and you lied about making up the weekend to her and didn't see her last weekend because you "going out of town" clearly that was more important than seeing your own daughter. Furthermore, because you didn't want to drop her off at my house at 5 you told me to pick her up at 2pm because it was too inconvenient to you to drop her off later. You never tell me if you're going to see D4 and I have to find out Thursday or Friday when I am asking you what your plans are. And I have constantly rearranged my plans that I have with D4 because you tell me last minute that you are seeing her. So don't you dare tell me that Mother's Day, a day celebrated the same time every year is derailing your plans and time with D4 because you CHOOSE when you want to see her. She has two days off this week from school that you could see her but you CHOOSE not too. You tell me it's my responsibility to ind her daycare. You could have seen her for the last 3 weeks but you CHOSE not to. You can see her whenever you want during the week and take her for dinner, Ice cream but you have never chosen to do that. Hell, you could have bought a soccer ball and played with her and taken her to the park and work on her enjoying soccer but you CHOOSE not too. Instead this is what I CHOOSE to do. I do all of these things with her. Grow up, stop being petty and act like a man and a father. Your desperate attempts at trying to hurt me are pathetic. 
---------------------------------------------------------------
I want to EXPLAIN!
I sent her the online calendar with the schedule for us to use it... she knows what weekends I have her.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

This is the hardest part, I think. The need to EXPLAIN, to REASON. And it always leads straight to hell. 

BW


----------



## ReGroup

Bullwinkle said:


> RG
> 
> This is the hardest part, I think. The need to EXPLAIN, to REASON. And it always leads straight to hell.
> 
> BW


You right... Why I have stopped doing it. 

I can counter all her points. Ridiculous.


----------



## BK23

ReGroup said:


> You right... Why I have stopped doing it.
> 
> I can counter all her points. Ridiculous.


Sounds an awful lot like she's trying to document her case for custody... the way she keeps cataloging her grievances....


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I want to EXPLAIN!
> I sent her the online calendar with the schedule for us to use it... she knows what weekends I have her.


Don't you dare.


----------



## Ceegee

RG, I see my wife in a lot of what I read there. "I'm sorry you feel that way" seems to work pretty well. 

And I know how you feel when you read that all too well. I feel for you bro.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Don't you dare.


And I thought you had faith in me.

Another attempt at the Soda Machine Chip?


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> RG, I see my wife in a lot of what I read there. "I'm sorry you feel that way" seems to work pretty well.
> 
> And I know how you feel when you read that all too well. I feel for you bro.


Ceegee, I am slowly starting to see this for what it is... It's not bothering me one bit.


----------



## zillard

What you do with your time is none of my business.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> You right... Why I have stopped doing it.
> 
> I can counter all her points. Ridiculous.


What happens when you "counter"?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> What happens when you "counter"?


Chip... I know... I was just saying it out loud.

THE WRATHS OF HELL WOULD OPEN UP AND ENGULF ME.

I haven't explained anything to this woman since February.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip... I know... I was just saying it out loud.
> 
> THE WRATHS OF HELL WOULD OPEN UP AND ENGULF ME.
> 
> I haven't explained anything to this woman since February.


Sounds like she's missing the dumping of her anger.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip... I know... I was just saying it out loud.
> 
> THE WRATHS OF HELL WOULD OPEN UP AND ENGULF ME.
> 
> I haven't explained anything to this woman since February.


The more you would explain, the worse it would get.

In the end, you'd apologize for her behavior.


----------



## aug

BK23 said:


> Sounds an awful lot like she's trying to document her case for custody... the way she keeps cataloging her grievances....


:iagree:

Know that's happening, so you'll need to keep documentation on your end to counter.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> The more you would explain, the worse it would get.
> 
> In the end, you'd apologize for her behavior.


No response needed?


----------



## ReGroup

aug said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Know that's happening, so you'll need to keep documentation on your end to counter.


Believe me ... that's not what she's doing. 

She does it to throw it in my face.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No response needed?


Nothing.

When she contacts you again, reiterate D4 will be available to travel after soccer practice.


----------



## BK23

ReGroup said:


> Believe me ... that's not what she's doing.
> 
> She does it to throw it in my face.


Just to be on the safe side, you should probably keep a journal in which you detail when and how you contribute to your daughter's care, as well as what communications you have with your ex. Having this stuff together will save you a lot of potential headaches if the divorce process gets ugly.


----------



## Mavash.

Don't answer this one.


----------



## aug

BK23 said:


> Just to be on the safe side, you should probably keep a journal in which you detail when and how you contribute to your daughter's care, as well as what communications you have with your ex. Having this stuff together will save you a lot of potential headaches if the divorce process gets ugly.


Yup, do this to be on the safe side.


----------



## ReGroup

BK23 said:


> Just to be on the safe side, you should probably keep a journal in which you detail when and how you contribute to your daughter's care, as well as what communications you have with your ex. Having this stuff together will save you a lot of potential headaches if the divorce process gets ugly.


I got that covered... first thing I learned when I got on this board - Document.

Thanks.


----------



## BK23

ReGroup said:


> I got that covered... first thing I learned when I got on this board - Document.
> 
> Thanks.


I suppose you could just present the judge a print out of this thread.


----------



## Conrad

BK23 said:


> I suppose you could just present the judge a print out of this thread.


Better to give it to a psychiatrist


----------



## ReGroup

This is going to be a very interesting few days.

When that woman doesn't get what she wants... Man.

Another reason we had alot of issues... She didn't get alot of what she wanted... Why she calls me a bully and machista.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> This is going to be a very interesting few days.
> 
> When that woman doesn't get what she wants... Man.
> 
> Another reason we had alot of issues... She didn't get alot of what she wanted... Why she calls me a bully and machista.


Just be glad she won't do anything crazy in revenge, like shack up with another man or threaten you with divorce


----------



## Mavash.

That's what users do.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I got that covered... first thing I learned when I got on this board - Document.
> 
> Thanks.


I'm pretty sure documentation will be laughed at in court, if it ever ends up there. Documentation can be fabricated quite easily. It will still come down to your word vs. her's. More importantly, it will come down to the assigned guardian's recommendation.

RG, I know that you are attempting to establish boundaries with Ms.RG, but I think this is one of those times when you make a sac fly. Pick a better battle, with more favorable terrain. You could potentially dig yourself a custody hole here.

If you end up in a custody battle, and your X brings up in court that you withheld visitation on Mother's Day (even if it's only the morning hours), it could spell serious trouble for you. 

Imagine telling the female family court judge (they're all women) that you didn't feel it was necessary for D's mother to spend all of Mother's Day with her. It was your opinion that nine hours was sufficient. Besides, she had a soccer practice to go to (since when is practice for a 4 year old that important?). How do you think that will go? Do you think the judge will look favorably on you? When she chastises you and gives you the 'look', responding "I'm sorry you feel that way" isn't going to cut it. 

When you walk into family court, you already have two strikes against you because you are a man. Don't give them an easy out.

Keep establishing boundaries, but be savvy and smart at the same time. 

What is your long term goal? And why on earth haven't you simply just filed?


----------



## Conrad

He's not sure he wants a divorce.

It's tough to come in midstream


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Then she will continue to cake-eat until the cows come home. 

Plan B is not a good thing to be.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Then she will continue to cake-eat until the cows come home.
> 
> Plan B is not a good thing to be.


You think today's dialogue is Plan B?

Strange perception.

Meekly going into the night and caving in - allowing her to jerk him around on short notice and treat him disrespectfully?

That's Plan B - in spades.


----------



## ReGroup

Oh, she knows I am not a Plan B. I documented here that she wants me to chase her and I won't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

It's been a one-year separation. There is a POSOM.

Yes, RG is plan B. Time to wake up.

They have nothing in writing. The courts will view this as a voluntary separation, and visitation will be considered to be the standard minimum for their county.

My X told me straight-up that she would have never filed. She would have had one affair after another, whilst I supported her and babysat the kids. If I wanted out, then I had to file. I did.

Why should MsRG file? She's having a grand time.

RG, you need a long-term goal. A plan. You either want to R or D. Then take the appropriate steps.

If you want to R, kill the affair. See what happens. Read the CWI forums. There's tons of info there.

If you want to D, file ASAP. Have her served. Then let the lawyers handle it.

Would you really take her back?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Oh, she knows I am not a Plan B. I documented here that she wants me to chase her and I won't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Actions vs. words.


----------



## ReGroup

If she dares to take me to court - I am pulling out my ace card: her fabulous city pension.

She wants divorce - then she owns everything that comes along with it and that includes a 9 hour Mother's Day with D4.

And mind you - I am willing to compromise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Strikes,

Have you "really" read this thread?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> You think today's dialogue is Plan B?
> 
> Strange perception.
> 
> Meekly going into the night and caving in - allowing her to jerk him around on short notice and treat him disrespectfully?
> 
> That's Plan B - in spades.


Maybe my strange perception is what RG needs.

Being meek is one thing. Being clever and savvy is another.

Appearing to be meek can be very clever indeed.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Maybe my strange perception is what RG needs.
> 
> Being meek is one thing. Being clever and savvy is another.
> 
> Appearing to be meek can be very clever indeed.


I think caving in to an entitled princess is a bad move.

But, that's just me.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm having a grand time as well.

My life hasn't stalled.

Mere paper work to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> Strikes,
> 
> Have you "really" read this thread?


I'm not OK with your insinuations of ignorance of the contents of this thread.

I have followed it in it's entirety.

Having a different opinion than Conrad does not make them any more or less than that...an opinion.

RG can do what he wants with my thoughts.

But I will say that I have lived RG's situation. Many of us have. 

The title of his thread states "Move On". I'm not seeing it.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I'm having a grand time as well.
> 
> My life hasn't stalled.
> 
> Mere paper work to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So what is your long-term goal?


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> I'm not OK with your insinuations of ignorance of the contents of this thread.
> 
> I have followed it in it's entirety.
> 
> Having a different opinion than Conrad does not make them any more or less than that...an opinion.
> 
> RG can do what he wants with my thoughts.
> 
> But I will say that I have lived RG's situation. Many of us have.
> 
> The title of his thread states "Move On". I'm not seeing it.


It's 140 pages plus long.

Your first post was today.

No insinuation - just a question.


----------



## ReGroup

To simply learn about myself.

I want to understand what happened and correct it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Moving On meant righting myself for a better life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Feels like we're going back 2-3 weeks here.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> It's 140 pages plus long.
> 
> Your first post was today.
> 
> No insinuation - just a question.


I lurk. I learn. I've been following many threads. I comment occasionally.

The Mother's Day thing set me off. I've voiced my opinion on that matter sufficiently.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> To simply learn about myself.
> 
> I want to understand what happened and correct it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is your plan regarding your marriage/relationship?

We can learn about ourselves any day, any time. 

Trying to figure out why it happened is OK, but it won't change what happened.

You seem stuck to me. 

But maybe you need to be stuck. Maybe you need to "suffer" some more, as DeMello likes to say.

It's your journey, after all.


----------



## ReGroup

Everything will play out the way it's suppose to.

When the time comes to sign, I'll do it without hesitation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ThreeStrikes said:


> Imagine telling the female family court judge (they're all women) that ...


9 out of the 12 in my county are men. 

Documentation can certainly help. That's why lawyers highly encourage it.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

zillard said:


> 9 out of the 12 in my county are men.
> 
> Documentation can certainly help. That's why lawyers highly encourage it.


That is a rare, and lucky, occurrence.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Documentation doesn't hold up. Sorry. Lawyers say that sh!t to make themselves sound smarter than you, and to give you something to do.

Jaded spouses lie and fabricate things all the time in court. Unless something can be proven beyond a doubt, signed, and notarized, it's just hearsay.

I can't help but wonder if some of the people offering advice here have actually been through the process. Or are they just repeating what they've heard other people say?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Everything will play out the way it's suppose to.
> 
> When the time comes to sign, I'll do it without hesitation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think that if you wanted D, you would have filed. After all, what is stopping you if you can get half her pension?

Therefore, it can be logically deduced that you are holding out for R. That is fine, too....but know that Shirley Glass would say your odds are extremely low.

When a woman has detached from her spouse and is emotionally and physically involved with another man, the marriage/relationship is essentially over...at least according to her studies. She is an expert on the matter.

It's tough for us co-dependents to cope with the fact that she's just not into us anymore. If she would only come out of her affair fog, then she will want me again. She will see how marvelous I am, and come begging and pleading to reconcile. She will see that I've changed. Then I will sweep her up in my arms, just like olden times...but this time I will teach her the error of her ways and establish firm boundaries. I will be her white knight again, and then persecute the heck out of her for her cheating ways. I will keep her in line.

It's a pipe dream. She's not coming back. Accept it. Learn from it. Work on yourself. Become independent, not codependent. Be content with solitude and alone-ness. Then you will attract a quality person for your next relationship. 

This stuff now? All dramatic games. :scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

Games aren't being played.

I don't care to be her White Knight.

I am detached from her. Only paper work stands in our way.

Do you think Mrs. RG is as detached as I am?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

3strikes - I don't feel that your advice to be cautious is off. 

RG should be. There are risks. And those risks won't disappear after a divorce is final. 

But judges vary, as do their decisions. I'm sorry if you had documentation thrown out in court. That doesn't mean RG will, and certainly doesn't mean that he should stop documenting everything.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> 3strikes - I don't feel that your advice to be cautious is off.
> 
> RG should be. There are risks. And those risks won't disappear after a divorce is final.
> 
> But judges vary, as do their decisions. I'm sorry if you had documentation thrown out in court. That doesn't mean RG will, and certainly doesn't mean that he should stop documenting everything.


It also doesn't mean he should start taking her crap.

Been there - done that.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Games aren't being played.
> 
> I don't care to be her White Knight.
> 
> I am detached from her. Only paper work stands in our way.
> 
> Do you think Mrs. RG is as detached as I am?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, she is detached. She wouldn't be with PoSOM otherwise. Women detach, then seek OM. I would posit that she is more detached than you. Sorry if that hurts.

If it's just paperwork in the way, then it can logically be deduced that you are seeking D? Then why hasn't she been served?

Paperwork is an excuse. Serve her and let the courts figure it out. Hearings will get scheduled and the D will get done. 

I read the bickering back and forth between you two. Does she really have a lawyer, do you really have a lawyer, and all that BS. It's inconsequential. Serve her with papers with your demands. Then let your lawyer handle it. Get a signed and notarized separation agreement in place. Be mechanical and methodical. Get it done.

Or sit down like two grown adults and come up with a dissolution agreement that you both can agree on, as well as a parenting plan. Save yourselves a bunch of cash. If she can't do that, serve her.

What is your goal, and what actions are you taking to reach it?


----------



## Chuck71

A detached person does not sent a 600 word email castrating Group.

Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Grandparents Day.... media driven

Mrs. RG should have informed you at least two weeks in advance about Sunday

instead she waits several days and later throws in, I'm traveling

only after you stand your boundary

"You are welcome to attend practice and leave with her. I am giving up my afternoon

for her to be with you. This is not a request but my final word."

But..... that is just my view. 

As for documentation .... yes it can serve a purpose if it is in proper order

The days of the dad getting every other weekend and a Thursday evening 

at Pizza Hut are over...... co-parenting 50/50

Mrs. RG gets 17% and half after care but she wants it ALL

My dad taught me to 'wiggle easy until your head is out of the lion's mouth'

In life I go into anything with a game plan and execution strategies

Group do you recall the utility bill incident I had with ex-wife in January?

That was set up to show her hand. After her spill, game over.

Lawyers are there to write $35 words on important looking documents

most of the parenting plans are made between the spouses

Keeping notes is vital, for your reflection and focus

it also keeps lawyers honest as they are in a profession

where fees sometime take priority


----------



## Chuck71

skip a day and Group has ten pages in one day..... sheesh!


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Chuck71 said:


> A detached person does not sent a 600 word email castrating Group.
> 
> Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Grandparents Day.... media driven
> 
> Mrs. RG should have informed you at least two weeks in advance about Sunday
> 
> instead she waits several days and later throws in, I'm traveling
> 
> only after you stand your boundary
> 
> "You are welcome to attend practice and leave with her. I am giving up my afternoon
> 
> for her to be with you. This is not a request but my final word."
> 
> But..... that is just my view.
> 
> As for documentation .... yes it can serve a purpose if it is in proper order
> 
> The days of the dad getting every other weekend and a Thursday evening
> 
> at Pizza Hut are over...... co-parenting 50/50
> 
> Mrs. RG gets 17% and half after care but she wants it ALL
> 
> My dad taught me to 'wiggle easy until your head is out of the lion's mouth'
> 
> In life I go into anything with a game plan and execution strategies
> 
> Group do you recall the utility bill incident I had with ex-wife in January?
> 
> That was set up to show her hand. After her spill, game over.
> 
> Lawyers are there to write $35 words on important looking documents
> 
> most of the parenting plans are made between the spouses
> 
> Keeping notes is vital, for your reflection and focus
> 
> it also keeps lawyers honest as they are in a profession
> 
> where fees sometime take priority


Women vent. A 600 word email vs. 141 pages on a web forum, chronicling daily communications/texts and every little squabble. Getting the validation from others here telling him his wife is nuts, crazy, insane, etc. Learning little catch phrases to help him communicate dispassionately. Has it been beneficial for him? Of course, and for others in a similar situation. But it keeps him attached. 

If RG was really detached, he would have "moved on" from here. Possibly be giving opinions and advice on other threads. But he wouldn't need to be here.

No big deal. He still needs this. That's ok.

But it's important to be real with yourself.

I have yet to get an answer from RG regarding what his long term goal is with MsRG. It's not good to assume, but there is an indication there that he is still not sure what he wants. Conrad stated earlier that RG wasn't sure if he wanted a D. Indecision means you are reactive, and leads to letting others decide your life for you.

My two cents. Take it or leave it. It's your journey.


----------



## ReGroup

Chucky, you always bring a smile to my face.

This thread will keep going till the Divorce is final.

I am being helped on how to establish and maintain boundaries. Something I severely lacked before the catch phrases came along.

The ultimate goal with her? A healthy co parenting situation. 

And by the time the divorce is final we'll have figured that one out.

With the help of TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Again, another boundary needing to be established and enforced...

615AM

Mrs. RG: And by the way, nice touch telling your mom that she needs to run it by you first for your approval if I come to her about watching D4. That is sick! Imagine what that does to your mom as well as your daughter. You are not allowing your own mother to help her grand daughter be in a safe place with family just to screw with me..... 

I sincerely hope that if you are still in therapy that you are being extremely honest about your actions and behaviors because these things are pathological and concerning and should be addresses by a professional. 

RG: All D4 matters are to be run by me first.

I'm not ok with side agreements being done without my knowledge or approval.

This is to be the standard protocol.

In regards to therapy - your input, suggestions, or opinions are not needed.

Mrs. RG: Side agreements??? You're sick. If you had more communication with people including your poor mom you would be informed.


----------



## Mavash.

"I'm not okay with you using MY mother as your backup sitter. She's a grandmother not a home daycare."


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> "I'm not okay with you using MY mother as your backup sitter. She's a grandmother not a home daycare."


THIS - send it now.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Again, another boundary needing to be established and enforced...
> 
> 615AM
> 
> Mrs. RG: And by the way, nice touch telling your mom that she needs to run it by you first for your approval if I come to her about watching D4. *That is sick!* Imagine what that does to your mom as well as your daughter. You are not allowing your own mother to help her grand daughter be in a safe place with family *just to screw with me*.....
> 
> I sincerely hope that if you are still in therapy that you are being extremely honest about your actions and behaviors because these things are *pathological and concerning and should be addresses by a professional. *
> 
> RG: All D4 matters are to be run by me first.
> 
> I'm not ok with side agreements being done without my knowledge or approval.
> 
> This is to be the standard protocol.
> 
> In regards to therapy - your input, suggestions, or opinions are not needed.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Side agreements??? *You're sick.* If you had more communication with people including your poor mom you would be informed.


"I am not ok with your condescending remarks and name calling".

Maybe I have Mrs. RG mixed up with someone else but isn't she some sort of therapist? Is this how she would recommend talking to someone if she really thought, in her professional opinion, they were mentally unbalanced?


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> "I am not ok with your condescending remarks and name calling".
> 
> Maybe I have Mrs. RG mixed up with someone else but isn't she some sort of therapist? Is this how she would recommend talking to someone if she really thought, in her professional opinion, they were mentally unbalanced?


She's a school counselor.


----------



## hope4family

Question, Mr RG. If your Mom wants to play the roll of backup babysitter. Would that be ok? 

I am not trying to stir the pot on this. I just want your thoughts.


----------



## ReGroup

hope4family said:


> Question, Mr RG. If your Mom wants to play the roll of backup babysitter. Would that be ok?
> 
> I am not trying to stir the pot on this. I just want your thoughts.


Not stirring the pot.

What I am trying to establish is me being the first line of communication.

When Mrs. RG doesn't get what she wants, she tries to go behind my back and ask my mother.

Ask me first and we'll take it from there.

My mother works full time.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Not stirring the pot.
> 
> What I am trying to establish is me being the first line of communication.
> 
> When Mrs. RG doesn't get what she wants, she tries to go behind my back and ask my mother.
> 
> Ask me first and we'll take it from there.
> 
> My mother works full time.


I'm with ReGroup. HIs Mother should not be on her speed dial anymore. She has no reason to ask her for anything.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> I'm with ReGroup. HIs Mother should not be on her speed dial anymore. She has no reason to ask her for anything.


She fired his family - along with him.

No use pretending otherwise.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> She fired his family - along with him.
> 
> No use pretending otherwise.


His resources are no longer hers.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: You are a mess.

We are finished until the next round.

She asked that I stop using my family as a crutch. Like I can't use my resources.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Not stirring the pot.
> 
> What I am trying to establish is me being the first line of communication.
> 
> When Mrs. RG doesn't get what she wants, she tries to go behind my back and ask my mother.
> 
> Ask me first and we'll take it from there.
> 
> My mother works full time.


My divorce papers say if X can not watch the kid, I get first dibs. 

"I" does not include my family unless I say so.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Group - 

I have loved this thread since the first day I blundered onto TAM. It seems to me that you have made tremendous progress. But just like me with mine, she still really PISSES YOU OFF.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: You are a mess.
> 
> We are finished until the next round.
> 
> She asked that I stop using my family as a crutch. Like I can't use my resources.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She actually said "you" are a mess.

How many IV's have you had lately for mental breakdowns?


----------



## Chuck71

To go behind your back and ask your mom.......this was not her 1st time doing this

shows a lack of respect for you and her wanting to reclaim your focus

you have conquered the Triangle. I am still shocked she is a psychologist

what next the NJ governor on Dancing with the Stars?

It never ceases to amaze me at her antics

she runs Mothers Day by you at last minute but calls your mom

to watch D. A detached person does not play Romper Room

on an almost daily basis. You are seeing her for what she is......

I'm sorry it has turned so nasty


----------



## Conrad

Chuck,

I've studied this kind of thing up close.

When a young woman "really" does not want to take care of her offspring, there is this internal voice pointing fingers at her baby daddy. "It's HIS responsibility too."

Hey, even though I fired him and started banging posOM... it's STILL his kid, so why shouldn't I call his mom?

I mean, she is the kid's GRANDMOTHER after all.

Any excuse... any angle to grab that victim chair.

(And, of course, do whatever you feel like doing - unconstrained by any sense of duty)


----------



## ReGroup

She misses her Doormat. We can't blame her.

Chucky, you said it best: The pendulum never stays on one side.

She's seeing a new RG. A new and improved one.

The hell with what she says.


----------



## Mavash.

You trained her well.

Will take some time to UNtrain her.


----------



## ReGroup

:lol:

I haven't had a spontaneous laugh like the one I just had in a long time. 

I almost hurt my neck... I would have sent Mav the bill.

Truly Funny. But SO TRUE.


----------



## Mavash.

It took me a LONG time to get the concept that we train people how to treat us but OMG do I get that now.

The common denominator in all my unsatisfying relationships is me.


----------



## ReGroup

I feel the same way.

I played a heavy role in our dysfunction. No doubt about it.

Many of her complaints are valid - I want to change all that stuff.

Spoke to D4 just now... Told her about Bring Your Kids To Work Day...

She asked why I didn't bring her.

I told her 8 years old was the minimum.

D4: That's not true. Are you lying?

RG: Of course not. You need to be 8.

D4: Mommy says that's not true.

RG:.I'll bring you in 4 years.

D4: Are you lying?

RG: Of course not.

The Horror!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

She just wants another day of babysitting.

She really doesn't like being with your daughter - and putting her first. So, she projects that onto you.


----------



## ReGroup

Um, I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised if I told you that you weren't the first person to tell me that.

I guess early in our relationship when she told me that she wasn't talking to her mother or grandmother... And that her grandmother was not talking to Mrs. RG's mother... And that her mother was not talking to Mrs. RG's Aunt... And that Mrs RG's Aunt wasnt speaking to any of her nieces and nephews. 

I should have raised an eyebrow.

FML.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I guess early in our relationship when she told me that she wasn't talking to her mother or grandmother... And that her grandmother was not talking to Mrs. RG's mother... And that her mother was not talking to Mrs. RG's Aunt... And that Mrs RG's Aunt wasnt speaking to any of her nieces and nephews.


This sounds like my family. LOL


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Um, I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised if I told you that you weren't the first person to tell me that.
> 
> I guess early in our relationship when she told me that she wasn't talking to her mother or grandmother... And that her grandmother was not talking to Mrs. RG's mother... And that her mother was not talking to Mrs. RG's Aunt... And that Mrs RG's Aunt wasnt speaking to any of her nieces and nephews.
> 
> I should have raised an eyebrow.
> 
> FML.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, this sounds so familiar. STBXW and her mom were never on speaking terms. MIL and I had several discussions about wife's behavior and were always encouraging each other. As soon as wife announced she wanted a divorce, MIL was her biggest supporter. She was always looking for "a way back in". 

Yes, familial relationships is definitely on my list should I decide to settle down again.


----------



## Conrad

Group,

The reason she doesn't contact you 2 weeks before Mother's Day is that ANYONE who is simply in survival mode just takes it one day at a time.

Any shortcut.

Any bypass.

Any game they can play to make it through

If you tune into this wavelength - and quit expecting anything different - she will not surprise you.

She sees D4 as an IMPEDIMENT to her.

So, she will accuse you of behaving exactly that way.


----------



## PieceOfSky

ReGroup said:


> Spoke to D4 just now... Told her about Bring Your Kids To Work Day...
> 
> She asked why I didn't bring her.
> 
> I told her 8 years old was the minimum.
> 
> D4: That's not true. Are you lying?
> 
> RG: Of course not. You need to be 8.
> 
> D4: Mommy says that's not true.
> 
> RG:.I'll bring you in 4 years.
> 
> D4: Are you lying?
> 
> RG: Of course not.
> 
> The Horror!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'd be tempted to start a journal of things you cannot explain to D4+ at this point in her life, but fear she is misunderstanding (either by accident or by WS/OM lying), so, some day, when she's old enough, you can talk to her about it and possibly give it to her.

If you have an email or something from Human Resources describing the Bring your D to Work day, consider printing it out and having your mom read it to D4 someday soon. 

Just a thought.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip where do you get all this freaking insight? I'm starting to think you are some super computer like HAL.

Piece of Sky... That's an awesome idea. Thanks.

Ceegee, I think we share similar stories.

So... I have a talk with Momma RG.

MRG: Mrs. RG emailed me today and told me how disrespectful you have been to her.

RG: What? Did you answer back?

MRG: You can't treat her like....

(I interrupt her)

RG: Can I show you yesterday's transcript?

MRG: Let me see it. But you can't be mean to her... I don't know why you guys are always bickering.

(Scrolling through emails)

MRG: I don't know why you just don't ignore her.

RG: How was I being mean?

MRG: Ignore her. What's wrong with her?

Survival Mode is right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

I'm wondering why your mom can't ignore her.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> I'm wondering why your mom can't ignore her.


Probably thinks she'd be jeopardizing time with grandchildren.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee, you are right. 

MRG did ignore the email - to her credit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Such BS. But for the advice you're getting from Mavash and Conrad to work, MRG needs to follow your lead.


----------



## ReGroup

Having an emergency meeting with her now.

We are on this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Having an emergency meeting with her now.
> 
> We are on this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What?

I hope the meeting is with your Mom.

You guys need to get on the same page


----------



## ReGroup

Had an emergency meeting with Momma RG.

We discussed ignoring Mrs. RG's tactics.

We are on the same page: Everything goes through me first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Dad always told me about people like Mrs.RG, he had to work with them

said they were like a goose, they wake up in a new world every day

Every one screws up in a M, the important thing is to admit and correct

but Mrs.RG is still erupting hate, much which was there long before you came Group

My thoughts were one huge eruption but Mav has guided you and found

many eruptions are to come


----------



## Mavash.

Unless you've got direct experience with people like mrs RG it's difficult to understand. Outsiders think why can't you just be nice. 

Makes me want to say sarcastically that's a fabulous idea why didnt I think of that? 

Here's your sign.


----------



## Chuck71

princess worship is a drug

once they get a taste of it they stop at nothing to keep it

Beach house on Gulf $600,000

Face n boob job $60,000

Vacation with OM $6,000

TAM Reality Squad priceless


----------



## Mavash.

Chuck my 10 year old pretty daughter was bitten by the princess bug.

I've seen it in my 7 year old blonde beauty as well.

I will continue to shut it down.

So you are pretty so what? That is no excuse to treat others poorly. I won't stand for it.

Their future husbands will thank me.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Chuck71 said:


> Dad always told me about people like Mrs.RG, he had to work with them
> 
> said they were like a goose, they wake up in a new world every day



Dang. Now I have to go read your threads too, as I have just got to know what line of work your dad was/is in.


----------



## ReGroup

PieceOfSky said:


> Dang. Now I have to go read your threads too, as I have just got to know what line of work your dad was/is in.


We are waiting for him to write his IDGAF Letter... patiently.


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> Dad always told me about people like Mrs.RG, he had to work with them
> 
> said they were like a goose, they wake up in a new world every day


Living with one makes you feel that way too. Never know what you're going to wake up to.


----------



## ReGroup

I would say to myself... Who's waking up today?

Now that I can some what laugh she'd say: you just ruined my entire weekend!

And I'd say: But it's not even Friday!

Guess who would end up apologizing? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I would say to myself... Who's waking up today?
> 
> Now that I can some what laugh she'd say: you just ruined my entire weekend!
> 
> And I'd say: But it's not even Friday!
> 
> Guess who would end up apologizing? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know what you mean RG. Always trying to avoid saying or doing something that may jeopardize a possible good mood - walking on eggshells. 

Well, no more of that crap.


----------



## Ceegee

I'm curious, ReGroup, have you ever seen any posts by Uptown? If not, you should read some.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> I'm curious, ReGroup, have you ever seen any posts by Uptown? If not, you should read some.


I'm in denial Ceegee!

I have... many of what he says rings true.

Mrs. RG says that her mother is BP.

In fact, many of her immediately family have issues (her testimony)... but she's the normal one.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG says that her mother is BP.


bipolar or borderline?


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I'm in denial Ceegee!
> 
> I have... many of what he says rings true.
> 
> Mrs. RG says that her mother is BP.
> 
> In fact, many of her immediately family have issues (her testimony)... but she's the normal one.


We were/are (whatever it is we're doing) married to the same woman. My MIL attempted suicide twice (both times during our engagement). MIL's mother succeeded. Yet, I still married this woman.

FIL's reasons for divorce (also during our engagement) were very similar to the conditions I was living in these past 4-5 years.

The therapist involved in our divorce has apologized to me for not being able to keep my wife's communications with me in check. Even offered to work pro-Bono. Since she's not treating her she can't make a diagnosis but revealed to my attorney that she believes she has a "diagnosable mental disorder".


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> bipolar or borderline?


Mrs. RG says BiPolar. She's never been diagnosed - that I know.

Social ackward. We've had our run ins. 

Bright woman... just completely off.

In the end, she was my biggest supporter.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG says BiPolar. She's never been diagnosed - that I know.
> 
> Social ackward. We've had our run ins.
> 
> Bright woman... just completely off.
> 
> In the end, she was my biggest supporter.


My exMIL is definitely borderline/narcissistic. 

X was diagnosed bipolar as a teen. I think it is a mix of that plus PTSD and learned borderline behaviors picked up from her mother. 

My IC refused to get into it. Anytime I brought up X possibly having a mood/personality disorder he would immediately say, "she may or may not... but" and turn the focus right back to me. Which is great.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> My exMIL is definitely borderline/narcissistic.
> 
> X was diagnosed bipolar as a teen. I think it is a mix of that plus PTSD and learned borderline behaviors picked up from her mother.
> 
> My IC refused to get into it. Anytime I brought up X possibly having a mood/personality disorder he would immediately say, "she may or may not... but" and turn the focus right back to me. Which is great.


Did she make you question your sanity Z?


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> My exMIL is definitely borderline/narcissistic.
> 
> X was diagnosed bipolar as a teen. I think it is a mix of that plus PTSD and learned borderline behaviors picked up from her mother.
> 
> My IC refused to get into it. Anytime I brought up X possibly having a mood/personality disorder he would immediately say, "she may or may not... but" and turn the focus right back to me. Which is great.


You have a great counselor.

It shouldn't be an excuse.


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> Did she make you question your sanity Z?


Immediate response: yes! 

TAM-appropriate response: I questioned my own sanity because I was codependent and my sense of identity was wrapped around her. 

When she was miserable, I was miserable. When she was anxious, I was anxious. I did not want to be, was not aware of myself, and couldn't put a finger on why so I was confused and frustrated. 

I was often convinced that I was the cause of her discomfort. Nothing I did fixed it, so I was either incompetent or insane. 

Nope... just codependent. Funny how realizing that is comforting.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> My exMIL is definitely borderline/narcissistic.
> 
> X was diagnosed bipolar as a teen. I think it is a mix of that plus PTSD and learned borderline behaviors picked up from her mother.
> 
> My IC refused to get into it. Anytime I brought up X possibly having a mood/personality disorder he would immediately say, "she may or may not... but" and turn the focus right back to me. Which is great.


Dangerous ground to focus on them.

Gives you a B.S. excuse to cover your own ass.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> Immediate response: yes!
> 
> TAM-appropriate response: I questioned my own sanity because I was codependent and my sense of identity was wrapped around her.
> 
> When she was miserable, I was miserable. When she was anxious, I was anxious. I did not want to be, was not aware of myself, and couldn't put a finger on why so I was confused and frustrated.
> 
> I was often convinced that I was the cause of her discomfort. Nothing I did fixed it, so I was either incompetent or insane.
> 
> Nope... just codependent. Funny how realizing that is comforting.


Per Uptown: "Of the ten personality disorders, BPD is the ONLY ONE that is notorious for making a large share of the nonBPD partners start questioning their own sanity."

One week I'm sitting in the therapist's office saying: "either she's crazy or I am." Another week I hear that the therapist is saying that she has a "diagnosable mental disorder." 

Being codependent on such a person is torturous. Becoming aware of it is liberating.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> We are waiting for him to write his IDGAF Letter... patiently.




Wow! I learned how to quote :rofl:

The IDGAF letter is being drafted. It will definitely be posted on TAM before being sent for feedback. I'm sure Conrad and Mav will rip it apart but....... I am sure it will improve the paper.

Group as for boundaries, this happened today (ex is behind on cell phone and since she did not forward her mail, I get the turndown letters from the phone people. She had to resort to putting new phones in her son's name).

Ex: I will ride by there at my lunch to see if the phones have come. The tracking states they will be delivered today. So if you don't see them and I come by and look in mail box don't call police. Haha. See ya

Me: I am not comfortable with you going through my mail.

Ex: That is stupid. I will just come and sit and wait on mail man at end of road. He'll I don't care nothing about your mail not would I even want it. I just want the phones. 

Me: You will respect my rights to privacy by choice or force.



I guess the ex is not aware tampering with other people's mail is a federal offense.


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> Wow! I learned how to quote :rofl:


'bout F'n time, dude.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> 'bout F'n time, dude.


"Learning how to quote at the Crossroads..."


----------



## Chuck71

QUOTE ...... Zillard
'bout F'n time, dude.

I'll miss the old style quotes LOL


----------



## ReGroup

I don't even know what to say anymore.

RG: At what time can D4 be picked up today?

Mrs. RG: You never communicated to me about today, only Sunday which you know is Mother's Day. We are not in the city.

I can't even express the anger right now.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm speechless.


----------



## Mavash.

She left with your daughter?

I'm confused.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I'm speechless.


Are you really surprised?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> She left with your daughter?
> 
> I'm confused.


Yes.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Are you really surprised?


I didn't think she'd...


----------



## ReGroup

I don't even know how to rise above this.

Control what I can control, I guess... Tighten up my communications with her. 

But this ...

I can't even fathom. 

The little voice told me she could do this...

But still, I am in shock.


----------



## ReGroup

mavash. said:


> unless you've got direct experience with people like mrs rg it's difficult to understand. Outsiders think why can't you just be nice.
> 
> Makes me want to say sarcastically that's a fabulous idea why didnt i think of that?
> 
> Here's your sign.


this!


----------



## Mavash.

RG I'm sorry just know that she may have won this battle but you my friend won the war.

I know you aren't there yet but one day you will have all this in a legal document and then you'll have grounds to go after her if she pulls this stunt again on your weekend.

Until then I'm afraid there isn't much you can do (others who have been here may have other solutions).

Whatever you do don't show her your anger. That is a reward to her. Don't go there.

Say nothing.


----------



## Mavash.

Another part of Jedi training is to know your adversary.

I'm not shocked why are you?


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> RG I'm sorry just know that she may have won this battle but you my friend won the war.
> 
> I know you aren't there yet but one day you will have all this in a legal document and then you'll have grounds to go after her if she pulls this stunt again on your weekend.
> 
> Until then I'm afraid there isn't much you can do (others who have been here may have other solutions).
> 
> Whatever you do don't show her your anger. That is a reward to her. Don't go there.
> 
> Say nothing.


She's only "won" if you think this has anything to do D4. She's only trying to engage you. If you blow up at her then she has succeeded in pulling you into her sad little world. 

She hasn't answered your question yet. You still need to find out when you can make the transfer. But stay cool.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Another part of Jedi training is to know your adversary.
> 
> I'm not shocked why are you?


I was wondering why she was so quiet.

No surprise at all.


----------



## ReGroup

I responded.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Say nothing.


Sorry, didn't see this.


----------



## Mavash.

What is the point of responding? She left town on purpose.

Game over.

Of course I don't get mad I get even.

I'd be plotting a way to do the same in return.

It's really the only way to teach people like this.


----------



## ReGroup

I said: Ok, I understand.

I need to tighten up my communications with her.

Be more specific. 

I own partial fault.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I said: Ok, I understand.
> 
> I need to tighten up my communications with her.
> 
> Be more specific.
> 
> I own partial fault.


I don't see that.

This is on her.

She simply takes what she wants until she is prevented from doing so.


----------



## Conrad

Let's look ahead to a date where you can do exactly the same thing to her.

Any plans for a Mets' series in the midwest on her weekend?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> I don't see that.
> 
> This is on her.
> 
> She simply takes what she wants until she is prevented from doing so.


I agree RG. This was YOUR weekend. It's not up to you to communicate a standard schedule.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Of course I don't get mad I get even.
> 
> I'd be plotting a way to do the same in return.
> 
> It's really the only way to teach people like this.


:iagree:

LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN TELLING ME ALONG...

and CG just stated...

This was never about D4.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Whatever you do don't show her your anger. That is a reward to her. Don't go there.
> Say nothing.


RG, 

This is very hard but so important. If you show anger it will solve nothing but escalate the situation. It shows her she can get a reaction out of you. 

Looks like she could give you problems as far as custody goes. Document everything and get the divorce done. She's trouble.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Let's look ahead to a date where you can do exactly the same thing to her.
> 
> Any plans for a Mets' series in the midwest on her weekend?


You said it yourself... D4 is a nuissance to her. I'd be doing her a favor.

But I'd take you up on the offer anyways!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> :iagree:
> 
> LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN TELLING ME ALONG...
> 
> and CG just stated...
> 
> This was never about D4.


Never has been.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I said: Ok, I understand.
> 
> I need to tighten up my communications with her.
> 
> Be more specific.
> 
> I own partial fault.


RG, 

Isn't this your weekend with her? And you were willing to make concessions because of Mother's Day. 

Don't overrreact and get angry but bro this is not on you. How could the communication have been better?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> You said it yourself... D4 is a nuissance to her. I'd be doing her a favor!


Not always.

If D4 was a nuisance you'd have her this weekend.

There are times when she needs her for show.


----------



## ReGroup

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: You never communicated to me about today, only Sunday which you know is Mother's Day. We are not in the city.


I never mentioned Saturday with Mrs. RG during the conversation in regards to Mother's Day Weekend - I just assumed.

I told D4 over the phone that I'd pick her up today and take her to Soccer on Sunday during Thursday's conversation.

What's funny is that D4 responded with, "What about Mother's Day?"... Like she was manipulated into questioning me about taking her... She had expressed excitement about this weekend and Soccer - then that questions came about... I knew something wasn't right.

I told D4 that she'd still would be able to celebrate Mother's Day with her mother.


----------



## Mavash.

Welcome to co parenting with an emotionally broken person.

This will become part of your new norm.

Your biggest asset will be to remain calm, cool and dispassionate.

Show emotion and it gets worse.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Not always.
> 
> If D4 was a nuisance you'd have her this weekend.
> 
> There are times when she needs her for show.


Mother of the Year


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Welcome to co parenting with an emotionally broken person.
> 
> This will become part of your new norm.
> 
> Your biggest asset will be to remain calm, cool and dispassionate.
> 
> Show emotion and it gets worse.


What happens when an emotionally broken person is shown restraint?

I have shown restraint during this entire ordeal.

What is the purpose of this foolishness if she knows I am not going to lose my head over any of her antic?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> What happens when an emotionally broken person is shown restraint?
> 
> I have shown restraint during this entire ordeal.
> 
> What is the purpose of this foolishness if she knows I am not going to lose my head over any of her antic?


She may learn to trust you.


----------



## Chuck71

Group NEVER assume anything with her

she could tell me the house is on fire and I would not

life my hand to feel the walls

my thought... run this by your lawyer too

here on out... every day of D4s custody will be made two weeks in advance

get this in writing and she could face kidnapping charges

give her the rope, let her hang herself

I live for moments as this, they "think" they have the game

but find out there is a difference in AA ball and the majors

doing this to Mrs. RG is understandable and needed

it is the only thing she understands

time the retribution right before the written agreement

of planned custody two weeks in advance

do NOT let this pizz you off, I swear that is what she wants

let her spike the ball, Team Group Defense will have 

numerous Team Fantasy Offenses to crush in near future


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> What happens when an emotionally broken person is shown restraint?
> 
> I have shown restraint during this entire ordeal.
> 
> What is the purpose of this foolishness if she knows I am not going to lose my head over any of her antic?


My best friend divorced a man like your wife.

She is a whiz at handling him because I taught her how.

The purpose was for HER not him.

Make sense?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Make sense?


Yes Ma'am. 

Stay Centered.

If I feel anger (or any other negative emotion), identify it... and let it pass. 

Observe what she is doing (the meaning behind it) and see it for what it is.

Her objective today: Set me off.

My objective: Don't accomodate her wishes.


----------



## Mavash.

My friends ex threw a fit recently because her fiancé did the kid swap (out of town and she had to work).

Instead of saying that he made it a safety issue. Evidently his vehicle isn't up to his standards which is funny considering he used to take the kids to bars and drive home intoxicated.

My friends pulse didn't even quicken.

She said "If the vehicle is a problem you are more than welcome to pick them up" said with a smile.

Yeah that shut him up.

No way he's driving anymore than absolutely necessary. He was just trying to engage her.

Epic fail.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Her objective today: Set me off.


We've seen angry Mrs. ReGroup, nice Mrs. ReGroup, belligerent Mrs. ReGroup, Trainwreck Mrs. ReGroup, lather, rinse, repeat

Whatever she thinks will get an emotional reaction is who she is that day.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> What happens when an emotionally broken person is shown restraint?
> 
> I have shown restraint during this entire ordeal.
> 
> What is the purpose of this foolishness if she knows I am not going to lose my head over any of her antic?


Trust? Maybe.

She might just get tired of playing her games when she can no longer illicit an emotional response from you.

That is how you use cool, calm and dispassionate.


----------



## ReGroup

It'll be PosOM's turn soon enough... Right HM. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PieceOfSky

You need legal advise. Especially how to document.

And, the sooner you file, the sooner a judge imposes a legally binding custody agreement for the interim.

Similar thing just happened to my friend and his informal custody arrangement during their informal separation. But, it is not one weekend she denies him, she refuses sharing them at all "without supervision" because she seems him "mentally unfit" -- which is complete B.S., and a bad idea for him to acquiesce to legally (apparently).

He is now, after dragging his feet for who knows why, paying a lawyer to file ASAP and following lawyers advise about how to let STBXW make an idiot of herself for the upcoming hearing. Downside is, his kids will never understand why his hands are tied.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> It'll be PosOM's turn soon enough... Right HM. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes it will be his turn soon enough RG.

Finish this business first with your wife.

Better days are ahead for you.


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

Will you be requesting split custody? If so, is that the schedule arrangement right now? If not, you may be setting a precedent that the mother is to child majority of time and you get every other weekend.


----------



## ReGroup

Joint Custody.

I get D4 3 out of 4 weekends. Not bad for a dead beat dad.

Piece of Sky... Team RG is working behind the scenes as we speak.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Yet another good line, RG - not bad for a deadbeat dad.


----------



## Chuck71

who has D Fathers Day? just thinking out loud


----------



## ReGroup

I am going to have her for that weekend.

Alright guys... To send a HM'sD Text or not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

F' no!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Lol. Thats what I was looking for. Thanks GP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I am going to have her for that weekend.
> 
> Alright guys... To send a HM'sD Text or not?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"I was going to cook both of your breakfast in bed, but the hotel is too far away"

Happy Mother's Day


----------



## Mavash.

GutPunch said:


> F' no!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agree.


----------



## Ceegee

"Happy WW Mothers Day!"


----------



## ReGroup

You mentors of mine are cruel but so right.

Don't reward bad behavior.

This will set up a turbulent couple of weeks - I hope you Titans are up for it. If we've learned anything it's that Mrs. RG loves/hates this little dance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> You mentors of mine are cruel but so right.
> 
> Don't reward bad behavior.
> 
> This will set up a turbulent couple of weeks - I hope you Titans are up for it. If we've learned anything it's that Mrs. RG loves/hates this little dance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's all she currently knows.


----------



## Mavash.

I admit to being cold. It's in my personality. It's both a blessing and a curse.

These days I can see both sides and can use logic to decide the best course of action.

There is a time to be nice and a time to not be nice.

This is a time to not be nice.

She has been far from nice and I don't reward bad behavior.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I admit to being cold. It's in my personality. It's both a blessing and a curse.
> 
> These days I can see both sides and can use logic to decide the best course of action.
> 
> There is a time to be nice and a time to not be nice.
> 
> This is a time to not be nice.
> 
> She has been far from nice and I don't reward bad behavior.


Enjoy your kidnapped time with our daughter on Mother's Day.

An emotional "thank you" for her duplicitous act.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> I admit to being cold. It's in my personality. It's both a blessing and a curse.
> 
> These days I can see both sides and can use logic to decide the best course of action.
> 
> There is a time to be nice and a time to not be nice.
> 
> This is a time to not be nice.
> 
> She has been far from nice and I don't reward bad behavior.


Don't be a d!ck.*

*unless...


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Don't be a d!ck.*
> 
> *unless...


You subsidize that which you want more of.

This applies to emotions as well.


----------



## Awakening2012

Hey, ReGroup -

Are you ready to rumble? Bring on Game 6 

Go Caps!

Cheers,- A12


----------



## Awakening2012

Allright, ReGoup - Congrats on Rangers squeequing out a win today. We go for the finale tommorow night at the Verizon Center.Debating whethe to try to get tix to bo in the house!

Cheers, A12


----------



## Conrad

Awakening2012 said:


> Allright, ReGoup - Congrats on Rangers squeequing out a win today. We go for the finale tommorow night at the Verizon Center.Debating whethe to try to get tix to bo in the house!
> 
> Cheers, A12


And I had ReGroup pegged as an Icelanders fan.


----------



## Chuck71

Group.....Some people only understand brute force. Mrs.RG is one of them


----------



## ReGroup

Go Rangers!

Chucky, you are right. It's why I am determined to sharpen up. I can't leave anything to chance.

My reality is not hers, so she's able to carry out what she did without remorse. I'll adjust and leave no stone unturned for the next time.

Chip, your advise rings true: learn from her before you let her go.

She's an awesome teacher in that regard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Group,

Until proven otherwise, she isn't able to see past the end of her nose.

It's always been that way, hasn't it?

Why don't you have a little fun and describe a typical night of wedded bliss in the Group household?


----------



## ReGroup

Well, it feels life like a life time ago... But it's mostly what Script describes.

I get home from work and if I don't have the correct facial expression walking in, then all hell breaks loose.

Walking on egg shells lots of the time. When she was in a good mood... Man, we were electric together.

We could do anything together and have fun... We'd watch a movie like ConAir and pick it apart and laugh the entire time.

If she was in a bad mood... It'll be hell on earth. 

You don't talk
You are too objective when giving me advice
You don't listen
Get off the phone
When are you coming home
Etc Etc....

One thing that sets us apart from others is that she has never lost attraction for me.

I can't say the same... Resentment set in and I just plummeted into a sink hole...

Perfect timing for PosOm.

It's why I had a hard time forgiving myself... Because I helped produce an atmosphere for this to happen.

You told me: forgive or relive in Feb and I am sticking to that.

In my case... I didn't put her on a pedestal. I was combative and highly opinionated... 

I wasn't a The Nice Guy... But I did become a doormat after our daughter was born.

What she liked when she met me... Was I didn't take any of her crap when we met. 

When our daughter was born, I thought I was supposed to change accordingly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

One transaction at a time.


----------



## ReGroup

That was a great thread you wrote... Hopefully guys can grasp the true jist of it and not just The Mother's Day Theme angle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Group,

We were talking about this tonight.

We all need to discipline ourselves and bring our "A" game every single day.

No excuses.

She didn't - but you did enable her.

Those days are over.

Better days ahead.


----------



## Mavash.

How would you know any differently?

This is so against the norm.

My husband tells me all the time this stuff goes against everything he was taught and I agree.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> You subsidize that which you want more of.
> 
> This applies to emotions as well.


I've been thinking about this today. Can you explain further? Give examples?


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I've been thinking about this today. Can you explain further? Give examples?


Skinner's rule of positive reinforcement.

If someone treats you shabbily and you respond in a conciliatory loving way, you are issuing an emotional "thank you" for the abusive behavior.

That's why you aren't able to "nice" someone out of an affair.


----------



## Chuck71

Group I want to share something with you about Conrad's Forgive or Re-Live

First love....all the fireworks, plus I was a pimple faced teen. you know the story

any way....broken hearted when she left but every thing was on her. 

But I did the begging and pleading and..... was 18

long story short, an old man told me....forgive or re-live. I forgave

I met someone who made her look pale a few months later. But by then

I was a whole person, shed of the shackles of my first love

New gal and I lasted six years, off and on, she showed me a better form of love

First love was off and on in my life but nothing ever happened

even though she was married, twice, she wanted to 'stay in touch'

two years ago she offered up sex and I knew, say no and show the wife

things like this WILL turn into gossip if unhandled either way

fast forward to this year, she and now ex have same friend..... she caught wind of D

guess who sent me a friend request on FB?

this followed with love letters and how bad she wished we stayed together, 20+ years ago

I questioned her to where she understood and admitted why I forgave her

but would never again take her back. Do I wish it was different? Yes but history was written

It is ironic how past loves just know when you are hurting or available!

I gave her the notion we could be friends but nothing more 

I wanted her to know, why I never took her back

had I not forgave, may be I would be on TAM talking about my lifelong g/f of 25 years

and how f'ed up everything is. I forgave to love again.


----------



## Chuck71

BF rocked! my 'fesser studied under him. treats him like a demi-god


----------



## ReGroup

Shows the man that you're Chucky.

You believe in your principles and stick to them.

When this is all over and done with... I will forgive her - I thought I did earlier this year. But with every battle, some of the wounds open up a bit.

Toughening up though.


----------



## Chuck71

Group, what made it easy was several friends who know her current H

he worships ground she walks on, he would be devastated if he found out

I feel for him for she is well-known with other men

but that is his journey, not mine

the decision was made back in 1991, anything after is meritless

game plan before execution, otherwise wheels spin


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... Shows you where worshipping gets you. In his case... No where.

When we were splitting up Mrs. RG stated: in my next relationship everything must be about me.

Sometimes we don't understand what we are wishing for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

That's funny...... she seems to be 'all about you' and currently in

her next relationship

but Group you doooooo realize this, as some one said

"you're not detached yet"

LOL


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Lol... Shows you where worshipping gets you. In his case... No where.
> 
> When we were splitting up Mrs. RG stated: in my next relationship everything must be about me.
> 
> Sometimes we don't understand what we are wishing for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is unsustainable and unfulfilling.

Hence why it doesn't work.

"All about me" isn't a relationship it's a dictatorship.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol... Shows you where worshipping gets you. In his case... No where.
> 
> When we were splitting up Mrs. RG stated: in my next relationship everything must be about me.
> 
> Sometimes we don't understand what we are wishing for.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just yesterday, she told me.... "My God, I like the way things are so much better now"

Of course, I tease and neg her all the time now.

I worshiped her like a little b!tch in days gone by.

She was miserable.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Chuck71 said:


> Group I want to share something with you about Conrad's Forgive or Re-Live
> 
> First love....all the fireworks, plus I was a pimple faced teen. you know the story
> 
> any way....broken hearted when she left but every thing was on her.
> 
> But I did the begging and pleading and..... was 18
> 
> long story short, an old man told me....forgive or re-live. I forgave
> 
> I met someone who made her look pale a few months later. But by then
> 
> I was a whole person, shed of the shackles of my first love
> 
> New gal and I lasted six years, off and on, she showed me a better form of love
> 
> First love was off and on in my life but nothing ever happened
> 
> even though she was married, twice, she wanted to 'stay in touch'
> 
> two years ago she offered up sex and I knew, say no and show the wife
> 
> things like this WILL turn into gossip if unhandled either way
> 
> fast forward to this year, she and now ex have same friend..... she caught wind of D
> 
> guess who sent me a friend request on FB?
> 
> this followed with love letters and how bad she wished we stayed together, 20+ years ago
> 
> I questioned her to where she understood and admitted why I forgave her
> 
> but would never again take her back. Do I wish it was different? Yes but history was written
> 
> It is ironic how past loves just know when you are hurting or available!
> 
> I gave her the notion we could be friends but nothing more
> 
> I wanted her to know, why I never took her back
> 
> had I not forgave, may be I would be on TAM talking about my lifelong g/f of 25 years
> 
> and how f'ed up everything is. I forgave to love again.


Chuck, 

This hit home.


----------



## ReGroup

I got some what reprimanded from D4 for not saying HMD to her mom earlier this evening.

I tried to steer the conversation in another direction but she insisted on asking the "why"s... I had to ignore it at one point.

D4 also brought up that she does not have school on Friday and requested that I spend the day with her.

I mentioned that I had to work on that day and she asked that I call out sick... (What!)
She also asked if kids were at my job today... When I said no, again she asked If I was lying.

She had a tone that I am unfamiliar with.

Haven't heard from Team RG in a week - hopefully things are running smoothly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I got some what reprimanded from D4 for not saying HMD to her mom earlier this evening.
> 
> I tried to steer the conversation in another direction but she insisted on asking the "why"s... I had to ignore it at one point.
> 
> D4 also brought up that she does not have school on Friday and requested that I spend the day with her.
> 
> I mentioned that I had to work on that day and she asked that I call out sick... (What!)
> She also asked if kids were at my job today... When I said no, again she asked If I was lying.
> 
> She had a tone that I am unfamiliar with.
> 
> Haven't heard from Team RG in a week - hopefully things are running smoothly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are you setting boundaries with D4?


----------



## ReGroup

Yes Chip.

I know I am on speaker phone and hold firm with all my responses.

I know what's going so I have to make sure that my side is being addressed in a way a 4 year understands.

It's brutal what happening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

This is all sad.

I feel sorry for your daughter.


----------



## ReGroup

And she's a School Psych... The most disappointing component in all of this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> And she's a School Psych... The most disappointing component in all of this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


20% of licensed "professionals" have no business in their occupation.

She's one of them.

All about her.


----------



## zillard

As my daughters ic said, its a lot harder to put this stuff into practice in your own life.

A recovering codependent herself, she counsels others all day and can still go home and get triggered. 

Doesn't excuse it though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, Z, Mav...

I know the she can't see past her own nose saying applies...

But what is the point of this recklessness?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, Z, Mav...
> 
> I know the she can't see past her own nose saying applies...
> 
> But what is the point of this recklessness?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To get a reaction from you.

No bridge too far for the vampirette to get her fix.


----------



## ReGroup

No point asking that question.

I can't control what's being said over there.

Amicable my azz.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Chip, Z, Mav...
> 
> I know the she can't see past her own nose saying applies...
> 
> But what is the point of this recklessness?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To make her feel better about herself and avoid pain. At any cost.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> To make her feel better about herself and avoid pain. At any cost.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is just another version of the ridiculous texts Z used to get at 3am.


----------



## zillard

zillard said:


> To make her feel better about herself and avoid pain. At any cost.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And it works. Temporarily. Which is why you can expect it to continue until she is ready to face herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

She's pissed because she can't manipulate you anymore so she's using your daughter instead.

She also can't dump her anger on you so she does it indirectly.

And yes it does work.


----------



## ReGroup

That's sick.

Any way to combat this? Ignore it on her end and reassure D4?

Does a person do this intentionally or unintentionally? 
Hard to imagine but then I think of what happened this weekend and reality hits.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> I got some what reprimanded from D4 for not saying HMD to her mom earlier this evening.
> 
> I tried to steer the conversation in another direction but she insisted on asking the "why"s... I had to ignore it at one point.
> 
> D4 also brought up that she does not have school on Friday and requested that I spend the day with her.
> 
> I mentioned that I had to work on that day and she asked that I call out sick... (What!)
> She also asked if kids were at my job today... When I said no, again she asked If I was lying.
> 
> She had a tone that I am unfamiliar with.
> 
> Haven't heard from Team RG in a week - hopefully things are running smoothly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does D4 look like your wife as well???


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> That's sick.
> 
> Any way to combat this? Ignore it on her end and reassure D4?
> 
> Does a person do this intentionally or unintentionally?
> Hard to imagine but then I think of what happened this weekend and reality hits.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ignore it AND reassure depending on the situation.

Counter lies with truth.

Above all else SEE IT and be aware.

I think it's part intentional and part subconscious.

They know it's wrong on some level but are powerless to stop it.

Their emotions are just too unmanageable.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... She looks like my side of the family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Just like with MrsRG, be consistent and firm. 

She'll learn to trust you, regardless of what she is told.

But it will take time.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Just like with MrsRG, be consistent and firm.
> 
> She'll learn to trust you, regardless of what she is told.
> 
> But it will take time.


She's a nascent woman.

All the rules of emotional communication with Mrs. RG also apply to her.

Above all else, no visible frustration or raised voices.

Just, "I'm not ok with that kind of talk" - and revoked privileges when it's over the line.


----------



## zillard

I understand that you're upset, D. And that's ok. But being sassy is not. 

If she continues take away tv, computer, desert, etc. and be CONSISTENT or she'll quickly figure where that wiggle room is and abuse it as much as she can.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> I understand that you're upset, D. And that's ok. But being sassy is not.
> 
> If she continues take away tv, computer, desert, etc. and be CONSISTENT or she'll quickly figure where that wiggle room is and abuse it as much as she can.


Her destiny is to be an alert, lively, button-pushing female.

For her to be secure - and not BPD - there's one guy whose buttons she must not be able to push.


----------



## zillard

Mine's been pulling "I feel like crying because I miss mom."

... only when it's time to brush teeth. 

"I'm sorry you feel sad, but right now is teeth time."

Repeat as many times as necessary.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Mine's been pulling "I feel like crying because I miss mom."
> 
> ... only when it's time to brush teeth.
> 
> "I'm sorry you feel sad, but right now is teeth time."
> 
> Repeat as many times as necessary.


Just a variant of "I'm sorry you feel that way", but no amount of deflection and cuteness separates us from scrubbing enamel free of bacteria.

Because I'm Dad.


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> Mine's been pulling "I feel like crying because I miss mom."
> 
> ... only when it's time to brush teeth.
> 
> "I'm sorry you feel sad, but right now is teeth time."
> 
> Repeat as many times as necessary.


Oh good grief my kids do this and I'm NOT divorced.

"I feel like crying because I miss daddy". (He's at work)

Whatever....

"I'm sorry you feel that way BUT...."

LOL


----------



## ReGroup

Mavesh, how much irreparable harm can D4 face with mom and dad squabbling like children her age... Add a PosOM for good measure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mavesh, how much irreparable harm can D4 face with mom and dad squabbling like children her age... Add a PosOM for good measure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stop it now.

This is codependent father talking about things over which he has no control.

Follow the Z - path. Could stand for Zen.

Z's X is every bit as crazy and destructive as yours.

Yet, he is her rock.. and she looks to him.

Be that man for yours.

And, do not panic.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavesh, how much irreparable harm can D4 face with mom and dad squabbling like children her age... Add a PosOM for good measure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is where that counseling comes in.

AND you have her 3 weekends a month.

Control what you can and let the rest go.

There is no way to predict how this will turn out but there are ways to increase your odds.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... Thanks for the b*tch slapping.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol... Thanks for the b*tch slapping.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


AND.. the Mets are Pond Scum


----------



## ReGroup

Hahahahaha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Hahahahaha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As I mentioned to Script... Atchison looks just like Aaron Heileman out of the bullpen.

Where do you keep coming up with these studs?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> AND.. the Mets are Pond Scum


Like that bit from the family guy "here's the first pitch, and the season is over."


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Like that bit from the family guy "here's the first pitch, and the season is over."


Tom,

Seriously.. the best stuff is to troll Cub Forums when the Cardinals are in the playoffs.

I get tears in my eyes.


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Like that bit from the family guy "here's the first pitch, and the season is over."


Lord... I think I enjoy the suffering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lord... I think I enjoy the suffering.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Freese Hits Game-Tying 9th Inning Triple - World Series 2011 | Cardinals vs. Rangers 10/27/11 - YouTube


----------



## tom67

My dad told me radio cub commercials in the early 60's were like " come out enjoy the sun look at the ivy and there's a ballgame too."


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> My dad told me radio cub commercials in the early 60's were like " come out enjoy the sun look at the ivy and there's a ballgame too."


"And That's The Cubs? My ****in' Ass!": Lee Elia's Famous Rant Is 30

Lee was right.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> "And That's The Cubs? My ****in' Ass!": Lee Elia's Famous Rant Is 30
> 
> Lee was right.


I play that every now and then. He wasn't fired for that, he was fired because he didn't have a scouting report on then rookie gerald perry...now in today's world, he would have been gone instantly. god that was 83 I was 16. It's still funny as [email protected] They're really behind you around here...


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> I play that every now and then. He wasn't fired for that, he was fired because he didn't have a scouting report on then rookie gerald perry...now in today's world, he would have been gone instantly. god that was 83 I was 16. It's still funny as [email protected] They're really behind you around here...


85% of the world's workin' (less now, for sure)

The other 15% come out here!

It's a playground for the ****suckers!


----------



## Chuck71

Group refocus

time for ball control offense, run the ball

let the defense demolish Team Fantasy

when you run the ball, you control the tempo and the clock

did you ever see Pittsburgh Steelers lose a lead in 2nd half

with a ten point lead under Noll or Cowher?


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Group refocus
> 
> time for ball control offense, run the ball
> 
> let the defense demolish Team Fantasy
> 
> when you run the ball, you control the tempo and the clock
> 
> did you ever see Pittsburgh Steelers lose a lead in 2nd half
> 
> with a ten point lead under Noll or Cowher?


Yup. Mrs. RG threw out an unfamiliar blitz package that I was unprepared for (using D4). 

Readjusting the game strategy. Focusing on gaining a yard at a time. Soften their defense with some ground work.

Mavi said know your adversary. Expect the unexpected.

Chip put a whooping on me last night... I needed it.

Refocusing on the bigger picture. No Hail Mary passes. 7 months before this is over and done with.

And even then I have to deal with her one way another.


----------



## Chuck71

Always treat your opponent as the best team which walked the Earth

When Appy St., a D-II college football team upset powerhouse Michigan in 2007

I thought the campus would be burned, not far up road from me

but when you under estimate opponent, that is the outcome sometimes

Greg Maddux always pitched to batters two pitches ahead, he had no real fastball

he was best "clean" pitcher since Warren Spahn

develop a three way plan, worst case, best case and most likely

sometimes the best motivation simply comes from your opponent

the 2007 Patriots claimed best team ever, then Eli and the Giants threw a beat down

and claimed the Super Bowl


----------



## Conrad

What's up today Group?

I'm using a new browser, and I find that this thread has nearly 500 of my posts in it.


----------



## ReGroup

What's up Chip? 500 you say. Thats a hell of a contribution to the cause. I am very appreciative.

Nothing to report. No contact from Mrs. RG or my lawyer.

Just sitting back and watching this play out.

Went to watch my Knicks get killed at a bar last night. Ran into an old friend and he's going through the same non sense as us.

He's actually divorced now and dealing with an angry ex. Too funny. They request divorce and are the ones who remain bitter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> What's up Chip? 500 you say. Thats a hell of a contribution to the cause. I am very appreciative.
> 
> Nothing to report. No contact from Mrs. RG or my lawyer.
> 
> Just sitting back and watching this play out.
> 
> Went to watch my Knicks get killed at a bar last night. Ran into an old friend and he's going through the same non sense as us.
> 
> He's actually divorced now and dealing with an angry ex. Too funny. They request divorce and are the ones who remain bitter.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How 'bout those Mets?


----------



## Chuck71

I stopped following today's baseball religiously about 15 years ago. But who is this Harvey dude for the Mets???


----------



## Lifescript

Harvey is a stud. Not even the Cards have a young ace like him.


----------



## Chuck71

Is he the next (DWI)ght Gooden?

Next (gasp) Tom Seaver?

Or the next Jason Ingrinhousen (sp)?


----------



## Lifescript

He's the next Verlander.


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> He's the next Verlander.


Wheeler is almost ready as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Harvey is a stud. Not even the Cards have a young ace like him.


The kid pitching for the Cardinals tonight gave up a broken bat single to the first Colorado hitter (in his last start) and then set down the next 27 hitters in succession.

So, he's capable of pitching a perfect game. He basically did.


----------



## Chuck71

LS is there any true knuckleballers left???


----------



## ReGroup

Shelby Miller is nasty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> LS is there any true knuckleballers left???


They traded ****ey to Toronto.

He promptly went flaccid.


----------



## ReGroup

R.A. Rickey won a CY with us last year.

True KnuckleBaller.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

I don't like knuckleballers.


----------



## Chuck71

Google a 1970's Phil Niekro card........exact identical to pop

and me....... he was mistaken for Phil hundreds of times

same age, etc. Niekro brothers, Wilhelm, Wakefield

I saw Wakefield pitch in Chattanooga in 1994, after his demise

in Pittsburgh, then went on to Boston for what, 17 years?


----------



## ReGroup

I would love to know what is going on in regards to the settlement.

My lawyer is impossible to get a hold of.

He faxed The Retention Letter to Team Fantasy 2 weeks ago and no word ever since.

Too much tranquility.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

remember the lawyer's steak dinner is from your money

if I paid that kind of $, his ass better be on speed dial

but i'm an ass anyway


----------



## ReGroup

So... 

A little bargaining seems to be occuring.

Mrs. RG gets notification from Cozi.com (a reminder alert) I set up for D4's pick up on Saturday Morning. Didn't want to leave anything to chance for this weekend. 

She requested if I could pick up our daughter an 1 and a half earlier than ususal (on Saturday).

I countered with: I can actually arrange for D4 to be picked up tomorrow (after work) if she doesn't have plans with her.

She didn't answer my request directly but asked if I can arrange for D4 to be looked after tomorrow being that D4 has no school.

Bright Girl.


----------



## Awakening2012

:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

Awakening2012 said:


> :scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


If you agree to "this" then I'll agree to "that".

Not going to work.

A12, what's going on with Ovi crying conspiracy?


----------



## Bullwinkle

You are my idol, RG. A12 and i are going to build shrine to you here in DC. 

Chucky, good line about asses on speed dial.


----------



## ReGroup

Bullwinkle said:


> You are my idol, RG. A12 and i are going to build shrine to you here in DC.
> 
> Chucky, good line about asses on speed dial.


The nerve... even after pulling that last stunt last weekend.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Which stunt? You or me? There's so many stunts I lose track.


----------



## ReGroup

Bullwinkle said:


> Which stunt? You or me? There's so many stunts I lose track.


Me. And yes, many many stunts played on us.

So, after saying: No, it is your responsibility to secure a sitter for D4. I can arrange for D4 to be picked up after work...

Does Mrs. RG say:

A) Ok, I have a sitter in mind. Have her picked up after work.

or

B) Pick her up on Saturday.


----------



## Awakening2012

ReGroup said:


> If you agree to "this" then I'll agree to "that".
> 
> Not going to work.
> 
> A12, what's going on with Ovi crying conspiracy?


Thanks for the clarification -- she is a piece of work! 

So is Ovi. While I agree the refs did stink, it is not becoming making those comments after he scored just one goal in the series. We are stuck with him and his 124 million, 13-year contract extension that runs through the 2020-21 season 

Starting the Rangers series against the Bruins tonight, I see. Maybe time for some betting action between you and BW


----------



## Bullwinkle

Based on historical data, I'm guessing she'll either tell you to pick her up on Saturday or even more likely, not reply, just to piss you off. 

So when you finally crack, RG, I want you to remember to be Cool, Calm and Dispassionate while you're choking her.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Bruins, 3 to 1.


----------



## ReGroup

Bullwinkle said:


> Based on historical data, I'm guessing she'll either tell you to pick her up on Saturday or even more likely, not reply, just to piss you off.
> 
> So when you finally crack, RG, I want you to remember to be Cool, Calm and Dispassionate while you're choking her.


Lol... She told me to pick her up on Saturday. 

She's full of sh*t.


----------



## ReGroup

Just got off the phone with D4. Wonderful conversation... I was only accused of lying once - progress.

On speaker the entire time.

God knows Mrs. RG is loving every second of it.

I did say as Mavi recommend: Pops doesn't lie to his Lil' Buddy.

If it would have been me, I would have defended Mrs. RG.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

F'... Just realized I am grasping for the victim chair.

Never mind the last post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> F'... Just realized I am grasping for the victim chair.
> 
> Never mind the last post.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cut yourself some slack.

I'm fabulous at this and I still RUN for the victim chair at times.

It's just so comfy what can I say. 

And then as I sink deep down into it drink in one hand, snack in the other it hits me.

I take a big breath and GET UP.

Again.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> Cut yourself some slack.
> 
> I'm fabulous at this and I still RUN for the victim chair at times.
> 
> It's just so comfy what can I say.
> 
> And then as I sink deep down into it drink in one hand, snack in the other it hits me.
> 
> I take a big breath and GET UP.
> 
> Again.


My favorite victim chair snack= heath klondike bar


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> F'... Just realized I am grasping for the victim chair.
> 
> Never mind the last post.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is actually very positive.

ReG... share something with you.

When I FINALLY shut down the abuse, I was at my wit's end. Seriously emotional and crying my eyes out.

My safe man said to me, "I think this is great"

I said... how you figure?

"You sniffed it out and put a stop to it BY YOURSELF"

And, I thought about it... it represented a major breakthrough.

Just as you accomplished today.

Take a bow.


----------



## Conrad

Self-regulation is the word.

In other lifetimes we've called it maturity.

It involves SEEING YOURSELF exhibiting pos tendencies and angling to grab the victim chair... and loving yourself enough to stop.

No need to indulge the inner infant.

It wouldn't do any good anyway.


----------



## Lifescript

I agree. Self-regulation is a sign of progress. It's the kind of stuff that trusted people who hold you accountable tell you. But those people are not always around and so self-regulation is a valuable skill. 

The victim chair ... what can I say. You can't even feel your butt on it that's how comfortable it is.


----------



## ReGroup

No more victim speak coming from me...

On the other hand,

Mrs. RG: Obviously you want me to get fired from my job. Everything changes financially if I get fired. Remember that. Maybe you and Grizzy (family friend) can put some brujeria (voodoo) to make your dreams come true. I'm sure you would LOVE that.

SMH

Also caught wind that D4 wants to stay with me permanently. Mrs. RG is upset at that.

I guess she doesn't understand kids say the darndest things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Just when I thought I couldn't love this thread any more than I already do, you introduce a character named Grizzy and she accuses you of using brujeria.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Dibs on movie rights before GutPunch can do it.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> No more victim speak coming from me...
> 
> On the other hand,
> 
> Mrs. RG: Obviously you want me to get fired from my job. Everything changes financially if I get fired. Remember that. Maybe you and Grizzy (family friend) can put some brujeria (voodoo) to make your dreams come true. I'm sure you would LOVE that.
> 
> SMH
> 
> Also caught wind that D4 wants to stay with me permanently. Mrs. RG is upset at that.
> 
> I guess she doesn't understand kids say the darndest things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


During last separation the W kept saying stuff insinuating I was seeing someone. The opposite was true. Keep that in mind.


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> During last separation the W kept saying stuff insinuating I was seeing someone. The opposite was true. Keep that in mind.


I see you got that to. 

Mrs. RG would make up stories of "friends" seeing me with all sorts of women.

Crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

She will take D wanting to stay with you as a knife to heart

gather your resolve.....next rounds coming up


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I see you got that to.
> 
> Mrs. RG would make up stories of "friends" seeing me with all sorts of women.
> 
> Crazy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea. They believe in "brujeria" too.


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> Yea. They believe in "brujeria" too.


Lol.

Just got an email from Team RG...

Nothing that Team Fantasy requested went according to plan.

Her lawyer asked if I could pay an out of pocket expense... Calendar Index: $400.

Not paying that crap. Faxing Team RG my W2s... I think I'll be paying less than what she was getting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol.
> 
> Just got an email from Team RG...
> 
> Nothing that Team Fantasy requested went according to plan.
> 
> Her lawyer asked if I could pay an out of pocket expense... Calendar Index: $400.
> 
> Not paying that crap. Faxing Team RG my W2s... I think I'll be paying than what she was getting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now we're talking.

Rock-ribbed and firm.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG 

I could be wrong but it now appears to me that you are actually ENJOYING this.


----------



## Mavash.

Sucks to be her.


----------



## Conrad

Bullwinkle said:


> RG
> 
> I could be wrong but it now appears to me that you are actually ENJOYING this.


I hear she's breaking out the Voodoo dolls.

This is serious.


----------



## Chuck71

I see Team Defense recovered a fumble and ran it back for a TD! cool

TD-7
TF-0


----------



## ReGroup

Give defiant people what they want.

This is ALL on her.

God knows I wanted to salvage this thing. She left me no choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

FYI I didn't respond to her "Brujeria" text... You guys ok with that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

unless you said "ella es loco" no lol


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> FYI I didn't respond to her "Brujeria" text... You guys ok with that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I could be snarky but she isn't worth it.

Ignore the text.


----------



## ReGroup

I am working OT today - so I arranged for my MRG to pick up D4.

This is all going to hell.

RG: My mother will pick up D4 at 8am today.

Mrs. RG: That's not acceptable. You have to be the one picking her up. It's your responsibility to pick her up. I won't release her to your mother. 

If you won't allow her grandmother to help with her when she's in school I won't allow her to pick D4 up on your time.

Your rules.

It is your responsibility to pick your daughter up on your time.

RG: She'll be there at 8.

Mrs. RG: Well then, I won't be.

I already texted our mom. You wanna see Laila on your time you pick her up. That's your responsibility to pick her up on your time.

I have been way to nice in this whole thing and you have taken advangae of how cool I have been.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I instructed MRG to be there at 8am.

FML


----------



## Chuck71

RG: My mother will pick up D4 at 8am today.

that's not a request........that is a statement

let's see what she does

my guess ....... nothing


----------



## Chuck71

but she can give your mom a shout out to babysit D

remember what I said other day, refocus.....C, F, D


----------



## ReGroup

She verbally (over the phone) just rebuffed my mother's attempt to pick up D4.

I'll stand firm. Work my day and stay calm.


----------



## GutPunch

jeez...she makes me furious. 

I'd hit her in the pocket book for that one.

However don't listen to me as I have anger issues.

Didn't you agree to pay more child support than the 
mandated 17%. I'd tell her for the kidnapping and this 
stunt team RG is taking anything extra off the table.

However, I'd wait on the TAM experts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

MrsRG is almost ready to finish the school year

this is her new toy, only you can pick her up

and only she can, well no chit, she has two months off work!

she wants you to engage, DO NOT

this is the 2nd violation of your co parenting plan

if your mother is not allowed to pick her up, state

"i leave work at xPM. I will pick her up then."

Leave it at that.

What is the schedule for D this week, especially when does

Queen Lizard get D back


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: I advise that you communicate your plans with me because once I leave I'm going to be out of the area.

D4 expected you to be here this morning and is disappointed.

RG: Duly noted.

Mrs. RG: Ok, so it sounds like you prefer to see her tomorrow.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I'll leave it at that. 

The hell with her.

Chucky, her boundary - pushing will get her no where.

I'll pick her up tomorrow for Soccer.

Once our Settlement is in place, we'll start getting Legal about this.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: I advise that you communicate your plans with me because once I leave I'm going to be out of the area.
> 
> D4 expected you to be here this morning and is disappointed.
> 
> RG: Duly noted.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Ok, so it sounds like you prefer to see her tomorrow.
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> I'll leave it at that.
> 
> The hell with her.
> 
> Chucky, her boundary - pushing will get her no where.
> 
> I'll pick her up tomorrow for Soccer.
> 
> Once our Settlement is in place, we'll start getting Legal about this.


RG,

I'm certain your attorney can put together something between you and your mother that gives her full legal authority to pick up your daughter. And, she can bring the cops with her.


----------



## Chuck71

Document every minute she with held D.

You want that time back.

Also now she can no longer use your mother as a sitter

unless she pays her NYC going rate

I would have handled it different but

I'm also the type to magnify the situation

when they initiate it to begin with

but with D, that would simply be a power struggle

and attention would be on her

that is exactly what she wants

incomewise, who makes the most $

and by a % basis, what % does the one making less

match up with the other.

You know what I'm thinking lol


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Duly noted and recorded that again you choose not to pick her up to spend time with her.

Phone Call (I didn't pick up)

Mrs. RG: She would like to speak with you because she's asking what's going on. I have said nothing to her.


----------



## Chuck71

get lawyer on this ASAP, once legal, she can very well go to jail


----------



## Chuck71

MrsRG knows you are at work, this is target practice for her

be prepared to her all the things she said about you to D

how daddy puts other things before D

that's how using the kids as pawns work


----------



## GutPunch

She makes me sick.

Team RG better hold no punches back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

This has nothing to do with D, nothing

this is your ex/w's sickness


----------



## ReGroup

Now she's blowing up my phone.


----------



## Chuck71

uh oh............... this may be the blow up i mentioned in late march

C

F

D


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Now she's blowing up my phone.


If you will answer, I'll report your post and have you banned

posOM just reminded her it's Saturday and they have plans.


----------



## ReGroup

Her attempts at getting at me continue to get more elaborate and vindictive.


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> If you will answer, I'll report your post and have you banned
> 
> posOM just reminded her it's Saturday and they have plans.


LOL...I think C is right. Ignore her. Your time will come.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Let's not forget, I had offered to have D4 picked up yesterday.

Strange woman she is becoming.


----------



## Chuck71

strange no, true colours yes

don't make Conrad do the 2x4, I think he secretly enjoys it lol


----------



## Mavash.

I'm kinda confused but it sounds like she baited you.

(I got this part)

You're standing firm and now she's in a bit of a panic because it didn't work.

Or because yes she has plans.

Either way great job!!!


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I'm kinda confused but it sounds like she baited you.
> 
> (I got this part)
> 
> You're standing firm and now she's in a bit of a panic because it didn't work.
> 
> Or because yes she has plans.
> 
> Either way great job!!!


Group,

The only way she will stop attempting to use D4 as a pawn is when situations like this turn out poorly for her.

I can imagine the look on posOM's face.

"We've got the kid? WTF happened? You were beatching he wanted to pick the kid up yesterday!"


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> posOM just reminded her it's Saturday and they have plans.


And this the second weekend too.

Total buzz kill when you're looking forward to being kid less.


----------



## Chuck71

when it's over Group, you will be on top

i'd put the mortgage on it

in the end, it is you and baby

only she can dictate your heart


----------



## Mavash.

Lets not forget she's also now dealing with an upset kid and let me tell you that truly sucks.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> And this the second weekend too.
> 
> Total buzz kill when you're looking forward to being kid less.


Her desire to get to me was more important.

She just ruined her plans.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

POSOM will have he!! to pay for your "injustice"


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: D4 has been freaking out all morning because of you. You need to get your priorities straight and focus on D4 not trying to hurt me. You can't even give her a call back or tellme a time that you are going to pick her up. You probably thinkg you are ruining plans by doing this but you're not. My whole life has become D4. Too bad you don't feel the same way. Keep it up, she's not stupid.

:scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: It's funny how you have to work and you're using your mother. Why don't you grow up and get your own place and a room for D4. You are and haven't been a good father and everybody can see it.

- Trying to stay calm.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: I advise that you communicate your plans with me because once I leave I'm going to be out of the area.
> 
> D4 expected you to be here this morning and is disappointed.
> 
> RG: Duly noted.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Ok, so it sounds like you prefer to see her tomorrow.
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> I'll leave it at that.


Totally contradicts this.

Thought she was leaving the area?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: It's funny how you have to work and you're using your mother. Why don't you grow up and get your own place and a room for D4. You are and haven't been a good father and everybody can see it.
> 
> - Trying to stay calm.


Breathe....

She's going for the jugular now.

Do. Not. Engage.


----------



## Lifescript

Ah yes, brings back memories. RG, we married the same girl. Mine used to say the exact same thing. Stay strong and don't let her get to you.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: It's funny how you have to work and you're using your mother. Why don't you grow up and get your own place and a room for D4. You are and haven't been a good father and everybody can see it.
> 
> - Trying to stay calm.


Uncanny how much your w!tch sounds like my b!tch. 

She'll complain that you don't have a place of your own for D. Then she'll complain your place is too small. Then too expensive. It never ends.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavi, you know this creature better than I do...

What in the world does she want?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mavi, you know this creature better than I do...
> 
> What in the world does she want?


To dump her anger.

(I'm going to tell you as many times as it takes for you to know it)


----------



## Chuck71

your focus


----------



## Chuck71

she is backpedaling, give her the rope to hang herself


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> To dump her anger.
> 
> (I'm going to tell you as many times as it takes for you to know it)


Chip, I know you've said it many times... but goodness, accomodations were made


----------



## Chuck71

she wants it ALL, everything, the kitchen sink

and she would still b!tch that the sink leaked


----------



## Lifescript

Accomodations were made, yes. But she's still broken inside. She needs to dump the anger somewhere and who better than you, her baby daddy. She knows she has a lethal weapon to use against you: your daughter. 

They never stop. There's no logic to them.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, I know you've said it many times... but goodness, accomodations were made


But, anger wasn't able to be dumped.

You are insisting she manage her own life and take ownership of the hornet's nest between her ears.

She doesn't like it.


----------



## ReGroup

Update: She drops off D4 at my mother's residence.

What A Show.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Chip, I know you've said it many times... but goodness, accomodations were made


What you have to realize is that she's not interested in accommodations. She's trying to prove to you, to herself, and to the rest of world that she's a good parent and you are not.

And no matter what accommodations you make, she will find an excuse to back that up, and she will stoke her righteous indignation so that she will have a reason to find those excuses.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks everyone... 

You guys (and Mavi) helped me stay under control as much as I could today.

She definitely went for the homerun swing.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavi, you know this creature better than I do...
> 
> What in the world does she want?


In this instance she wanted you to give in on the boundary you set with using your mother as a babysitter.

It was pure manipulation but her plan backfired big time.

She didn't consider the possibility of it NOT working.

Lol

When you strategize you must consider all outcomes not just the one you want.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> In this instance she wanted you to give in on the boundary you set with using your mother as a babysitter.
> 
> It was pure manipulation but her plan backfired big time.
> 
> She didn't consider the possibility of it NOT working.
> 
> Lol
> 
> When you strategize you must consider all outcomes not just the one you want.


Group,

This was a home run.

You won't hear another thing about your mom.


----------



## Ceegee

Originally MRG was going to pick her up. Mrs RG said no. Then it ends with Mrs RG actually dropping her off MRG's? Was this her way having control in whatever little way she could? "Well, ok, MRG can watch her but I'M taking her there"! 

Or maybe she was in a hurry to get somewhere.


----------



## ReGroup

Truth be told I was shaking when receiving those messages. Lol.

It took you guys to restrain myself from engaging in some sort of way.

Moms called and said Mrs. RG seemed frustrated that I was not responding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Originally MRG was going to pick her up. Mrs RG said no. Then it ends with Mrs RG actually dropping her off MRG's? Was this her way having control in whatever little way she could? "Well, ok, MRG can watch her but I'M taking her there"!
> 
> Or maybe she was in a hurry to get somewhere.


She had told me that D had to be picked up before 8 today.
It was a manipulation thing like Mavi points out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Truth be told I was shaking when receiving those messages. Lol.
> 
> It took you guys to restrain myself from engaging in some sort of way.
> 
> Moms called and said Mrs. RG seemed frustrated that I was not responding.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG I know this is hard. 

I wish I could say it gets better but I can't guarantee that.

What I can guarantee is YOU will get better and that's all that matters.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Update: She drops off D4 at my mother's residence.
> 
> What A Show.


We put another check mark in ReGroup's column.

One transaction at a time.

I just wish I had a transcript of her conversation with posOM when he found out there was no childcare - AGAIN - this weekend.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> One transaction at a time.


:lol:

3 months for every year you say?

Got ways to go.

She sure as hell is giving me the target practice for it.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> :lol:
> 
> 3 months for every year you say?
> 
> Got ways to go.


This part sucks doesn't it?

Would be nice if we could talk our way out of something we behaved our way into.

This concept is in my top 2x4's that I ever got.

Came from I think coveys book but still....


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> This part sucks doesn't it?
> 
> Would be nice if we could talk our way out of something we behaved our way into.
> 
> This concept is in my top 2x4's that I ever got.
> 
> Came from I think coveys book but still....


Sometimes friends have to repeat things to give clarity


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I wish I could say it gets better but I can't guarantee that.


Good Lord. You mean there is a possibility this will continue for years on to come?

This woman hates me that much?

We'll be that ex couple that can't be in the same room together?

She is set free and is angrier than I am... Life is wrapped in mysteries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Good Lord. You mean there is a possibility this will continue for years on to come?
> 
> This woman hates me that much?
> 
> We'll be that ex couple that can't be in the same room together?
> 
> She is set free and is angrier than I am... Life is wrapped in mysteries.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because she hates herself that much... Not you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Good Lord. You mean there is a possibility this will continue for years on to come?
> 
> This woman hates me that much?
> 
> We'll be that ex couple that can't be in the same room together?
> 
> She is set free and is angrier than I am... Life is wrapped in mysteries.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll let you know as I continue to observe.

I've got two friends whose divorces were finalized July 2012.

Both were married to angry people.

They are still dealing with this type behavior in regards to co parenting.

Both are handling it properly so it's not them.


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> Because she hates herself that much... Not you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


QFT

It's not about you. It's them.


----------



## happyman64

> She is set free and is angrier than I am... Life is wrapped in mysteries.


Did you ever stop to think one of the reasons she is really angry is that you let her set herself free......

Life might be a mystery. But so are woman.

But just think how boring life would be without them.


----------



## Chuck71

Nice run outside the tackle, up the sidelines, Touchdown!

TD-14
TF-0

ps-the fact you are not a raging alkie after dealing with her
says a lot about your character


----------



## Ryo

ReGroup said:


> Truth be told I was shaking when receiving those messages. Lol.
> 
> It took you guys to restrain myself from engaging in some sort of way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's posts like these that make this thread so helpful. Reading your successes and how challenging it can be for you sometimes help others to know its not just them having a hard time. And show that it can be done.


----------



## ReGroup

Ryo,

it's get to a point where you establish friendships with your fellow TAM'ers.

We are all dealing with similar situations.

We don't want to let ourselves or each other down.

When we fall... We are there to pick each other up and receive support to continue following the right path.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Throughout human history, emotions never change


----------



## ReGroup

The exchange of D4 was tense.

We met at a neutral site.

She didn't look at me and refused to answer my request to grab a hold of D4s bag.

She only acknowledged D4.

I can tell she's boiling. I was cool and indifferent.

She then emails me about D4 not eating enough and that I have my attorney set the parenting schedule.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The exchange of D4 was tense.
> 
> We met at a neutral site.
> 
> She didn't look at me and refused to answer my request to grab a hold of D4s bag.
> 
> She only acknowledged D4.
> 
> I can tell she's boiling. I was cool and indifferent.
> 
> She then emails me about D4 not eating enough and that I have my attorney set the parenting schedule.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nice Mrs. ReGroup didn't work.

Kidnapper Mrs. ReGroup didn't work.

Belligerent Mrs. ReGroup didn't work.

Now we get sullen Mrs. ReGroup.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Throughout human history, emotions never change


Given RG's update this seems prophetic.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol...

My 93 year old grand mother asked me of the exchange and I described it - then told her about the email.

GrandMa: what are you going to do?

Me: Ignore her. Shes baiting me. I fed her well.

GrandMa: Give me your hand. That's what you call a man. He demands respect. Proud of you

Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> My 93 year old grand mother asked me of the exchange and I described it - then told her about the email.
> 
> GrandMa: what are you going to do?
> 
> Me: Ignore her. Shes baiting me. I fed her well.
> 
> GrandMa: Give me your hand. That's what you call a man. He demands respect. Proud of you
> 
> Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Grandma gets it.

She's been looking for this from you for some time.


----------



## GutPunch

With age comes wisdom.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> GrandMa: Give me your hand. That's what you call a man. He demands respect. Proud of you


She's 100% correct. 

Good man, RG.


----------



## Tron

GutPunch said:


> With age comes wisdom.


Sometimes GP. 

And sometimes it is simply going through a traumatic event like separation or divorce and coming out of it bruised and bloody but still alive and kicking. Trial by fire is a powerful learning tool.

I love your grandma RG. She knows she's got a helluva grandson.

I bet that felt good.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> She's 100% correct.
> 
> Good man, RG.


Group,

People around you see far more than you realize.


----------



## ReGroup

Yeah. It was an awesome feeling.

We could have done the switch on the train but she asked me to meet her at a specific place in order to show her dissatisfaction with me.

Just another ploy to get a reaction - like everything else.

A minute later she's emailing me about nonsense.

She's not "happiernow".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yeah. It was an awesome feeling.
> 
> We could have done the switch on the train but she asked me to meet her at a specific place in order to show her dissatisfaction with me.
> 
> Just another ploy to get a reaction - like everything else.
> 
> A minute later she's emailing me about nonsense.
> 
> She's not "happiernow".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But, they could be related.


----------



## Northern Monkey

I just spat my coffee out. :rofl:

If my PC dies I'm gonna wanna slap you guys!


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> But, they could be related.


Be careful of going too far down that road Conrad. It might bring up bad memories of the penalty box. 

Aw hell, what am I saying? An old veteran enforcer like you is probably used to it.


----------



## Northern Monkey

Haha, now I'm just thinking of the film Goon.


----------



## Tron

Northern Monkey said:


> Haha, now I'm just thinking of the film Goon.


Slap Shot: Is he one of the Hanson brothers...or the nefarious Tim "Dr. Hook" McKracken. 

Hmmm. Conrad McKracken...I like the sound of that, kinda rolls off your tongue.


----------



## Chuck71

Her attempts are now feeble, her arsenal is near used

you swat her attempts like flies, all we're waiting for her to do is collapse


----------



## Bullwinkle

Tron - The Hanson Brothers! Somebody remembers! 

RG, you really got this now, bud.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Are you taking D4 this weekend, she mentioned camping and since you have not given me a schedule as requested, you need to give me the plan for this weekend if you have one.

RG: Pick up at 9 on Saturday.

You can pick her up at noon on Monday.

Mrs. RG: I will let you know about time for pick up on Monday...

From here on out, we will be going to the legal standards of having D4 every other weekend, since you have not respected a schedule or consistency. I may be willing to negotiate this when and if you provide a schedule that we BOTH agree on...you are no longer going to be allowed to have me at your mercy or control my weekends as a result of your inconsitency and inconsideration. 

And since you are taking D4 for Memorial day weekend without consulting or asking if I had plans for her, she will be in my company for the July 4th holiday.

* I guess she hasn't been looking at the cozi calendar.


----------



## ReGroup

Scratch that... Memorial Day weekend wasn't on Cozi.


----------



## Chuck71

she's getting ramped up for summer vacation

she can spend all day dreaming up ways of making your life he!!

seems she forgot, Group no longer gives a chit about her emotions

btw, want me to see if this soul mate my ex found

has a brother for Mrs. RG?


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> she's getting ramped up for summer vacation
> 
> she can spend all day dreaming up ways of making your life he!!
> 
> seems she forgot, Group no longer gives a chit about her emotions
> 
> btw, want me to see if this soul mate my ex found
> 
> has a brother for Mrs. RG?


It seems all of this is only fueling her anger.

I don't even know how to combat this.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Group - 

This is the one thing I will never understand, can't ever grasp it with these crazy women - I used to say to Frostine, you're getting EVERYTHING YOU WANTED! EVERYTHING! So what in God's name are you so ANGRY about?


----------



## GutPunch

Kiss the extra money goodbye you ungrateful bi*ch.

and I will see you in court. We'll see who has more money 

to fight with. 

LOL this is why I am still an apprentice.


----------



## Chuck71

let her burn herself up, nothing you can do would change that

when you have plans with D, is it common for other party to 20 Q you

about where you will be taking her? As if her approval is needed? 

she will back away from wanting her every other weekend

as soon as summer vacation hits

if your lawyer hammers out a co-parenting plan 

make sure you get D on July 4th 8>)


----------



## ReGroup

I'll let that email ride. 

It's another attempt at baiting me into something.

I could just diffuse this mess and remind her that we have cozi set up for this reason. She doesn't use it.


----------



## GutPunch

Without Chip or Mavash I'd ignore it. 

She is definitely wanting to suck you in.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> It seems all of this is only fueling her anger.
> 
> I don't even know how to combat this.


You don't combat it. Let her fight with herself. Don't engage. It's all in her head anyway. Just stick to facts.


----------



## Bullwinkle

You need to bonk her, that'll fix everything. LOL.


----------



## Lifescript

Keep your cool RG. 

What's up with the D? Get that done so you don't have to deal with any of this crap.


----------



## ReGroup

I didn't respond to The Threat/Bait Email.

It really sucks when you start questioning yourself: Maybe I can communicate a little more effectively, If I do this, am I going about this co parenting stuff all wrong, etc...

But she doesn't want that... She wants RG to blow a fuse.

I don't even know what's going on the D front. SMH.


----------



## Mavash.

I'd ignore it because in two weeks when she has plans for a kid free weekend she will change her mind yet again.

You really can't take anything emotionally broken people say seriously.

Watch actions not words.

Respond accordingly.

Look how quickly she changed her tune on sat. Lol


----------



## Northern Monkey

Bullwinkle said:


> You need to bonk her, that'll fix everything. LOL.


Does it hurt to have your tongue so firmly in cheek?


----------



## happyman64

You could always text her and tell her to bend over, spread her butt and suck in some air down there.

Because obviously her brain is not getting enough oxygen!!!


----------



## ReGroup

HM64 always bringing great humor to The RG Thread.

Ignoring emails from what must be a boiling Mrs. RG comes with a price... No phone pickups geared to D4.
Usually D4 and I are punished for 48 hours.

I wish I could get her a phone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

A boiling Mrs. RG. Has a nice ring to it.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> HM64 always bringing great humor to The RG Thread.
> 
> Ignoring emails from what must be a boiling Mrs. RG comes with a price... No phone pickups geared to D4.
> Usually D4 and I are punished for 48 hours.
> 
> I wish I could get her a phone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Serious question if you answer the emails with a boundary or one word answer does she still punish you and D4?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavi, you just made me burst in laughter.

Either way, it turns out the same.

Makes me wonder, this was my entire relationship and I thought it was normal.

Shows you how much I valued myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavi, you just made me burst in laughter.
> 
> Either way, it turns out the same.
> 
> Makes me wonder, this was my entire relationship and I thought it was normal.
> 
> Shows you how much I valued myself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just trying to help. If it's just being ignored then fine answer her but I did suspect the punishments come anytime it doesn't go her way which is bad. It's impossible for life to go 100% the way a person wants it to 24/7.

You tried doing that and it didn't work.

It never works.

Had nothing to do with how you valued yourself it's all you knew. We're not born with these skills. We either learn them by observing our parents, they teach us or we learn them this way.

I'm shocked at how I've managed to recreate elements of my family of origin in my own family now even after therapy. It just happens as if it's in our genes unless we take some action to change it's course.


----------



## happyman64

Instead of buying D4 a phone get her one of those cool looking kid bracelets that has a GPS built into it.

That way you can track your kid down anytime Mrs RG pulls a weekend disappearing act with your kid.

And it takes a blow torch to remove it.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I'd ignore it because in two weeks when she has plans for a kid free weekend she will change her mind yet again.
> 
> You really can't take anything emotionally broken people say seriously.
> 
> Watch actions not words.
> 
> Respond accordingly.
> 
> Look how quickly she changed her tune on sat. Lol


Don't listen to a word they say, watch what they do.

Last time, she dropped D4 off at your mom's.


----------



## Chuck71

She blows up at you and uses D4

result she wanted was not accomplished

she stews and takes D4 to you or your moms

plan failed, you have D4 and she is sitting on couch saying

"WTF is the old ReGroup, I swear Group looks like him

but he doesn't take sh!t anymore. ARGGGHHHH"


----------



## PieceOfSky

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Duly noted and recorded that again you choose not to pick her up to spend time with her.
> 
> Phone Call (I didn't pick up)
> 
> Mrs. RG: She would like to speak with you because she's asking what's going on. I have said nothing to her.


Would it be good for the kid to see MRG next time you have her, and have MRG explain that mommy refused to let Grandma pick you up like Dad had planned, so that is what was going on? She would then ask why wouldn't mommy let you, Grandma? Well, you'll have to ask her that but I think it's just that mommy is really mad right now.


Just a thought. No experience here, except for being a dad, and a former kid.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Chuck71 said:


> let her burn herself up, nothing you can do would change that
> 
> when you have plans with D, is it common for other party to 20 Q you
> 
> about where you will be taking her? As if her approval is needed?
> 
> she will back away from wanting her every other weekend
> 
> as soon as summer vacation hits
> 
> if your lawyer hammers out a co-parenting plan
> 
> make sure you get D on July 4th 8>)


And Father's Day f'ing whole weekend.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Group, just checking in, you been quiet, amigo. You okay?

Go Bruins.


----------



## ReGroup

SMH...

I need help with this woman again... goes from cordial to threats.

Mrs. RG: Hi RG, 


I am kind of concerned about D4 going camping this weekend, one because of the weather conditions and two because she already has a pretty bad cold. Are you traveling far, where area are going to be at? I would like to know because I am concerned. I am hoping that you do no reply with a generic vague statement. What are your feelings about the weather projections for this weekend and with D4 having a cold?

Will she have a sleeping bag, are you using tents? what kind of PJ's will you be having..camping in the woods is always damn in general (based on past experience). 

RG: We have all the camping essentials.

We're playing it by ear - weather wise. 

If the weather is bad we'll postpone and do something else.

Mrs. RG: In case of emergency where will you be going? Is there an emergency contact just in case cell phone service is limited. Im only saying these things because she is 4. We need to be able to touch base. 

RG: Use my number. I'll keep in contact if she's not doing well.
That's if we go.

Mrs. RG: May I ask why you feel that you need to be so difficult? also, why do you feel that you do not need to give me a schedule of your pick ups with D4...we all need consistency...I need a schedule so that I can plan accordingly...otherwise I can write one for you...

RG: cozi.com was set up back in March to help us with the parental plan.

If their are certain weekends that you wish to have D4 available to you, make note of it - notification will then be sent to me.

I'll do the same.

Currently I have the Soccer Schedule there.

I have friends using it and they love it.

If you have problems logging in I'll contact an administrator.

Mrs. RG: Why are you like this?

RG there is nothing on Cozi but soccer, so according to what you are saying you have notated only Soccer Sundays for D4 and will only be taking her on Sundays???

We all need something written, either on your online calendar or in an email that is referring what her pick up and drop off looks like monthly....

RG: I'll input the pick up times on the calendar. I'll have it updated by tonight.

Mrs. RG: I need the month planned ahead of time...if things change, so be it however, there needs to be a consistent time that we all know when D4 will be picked up and dropped off...there will be no more last minute plans...of course there are always exceptions, however, it is your responsibility during your time with D4 to plan accordingly. If you do not provide me with a schedule, I will indicate in the divorce papers the requirement of a schedule in order to see D4. 

A schedule is necessary for all parties involved. If you are unable to handle this, as stated before, per two previous emails, have your lawyer send my lawyer a schedule, this will be expected by 3pm today, or as stated before I will make one and it will go into the divorce papers. From here on out, Pick up will be at (Point A) and Drop off will be at (Point B). 

Pick up for D4 will no later than 9am on Saturdays by either you or your mother, and my pick up will be no later than 4pm on Sunday, time exceptions may be made for Holidays. Holidays can be discussed, however, standard is every other holiday unless discussed and agreed by BOTH parties. 

D4 is not expected to relay messages to me about her weekend plans or her seeing you...you are obligated to make a schedule to avoid Laila's involvement or mis-communication She is 4 years old and cannot and will not be the middle man in relaying messages. 


I have been more than fair and flexible within your inconsistency with her and me in seeing D4. I have been extremely considerate in dealing with you RG, including your no-shows, last minute plans or last minute changes, including changes, the day of seeing D4. I will pursue this in court or via divorce papers if you do not oblige to making a monthly schedule. To reiterate once again, I am willing to be flexible within changes, emergencies or special circumstances however, it is detrimental to D4's emotional health and development for her to know when she is going to see her father. 

To recapitulate, every month a schedule is required indicating the weekends that you will be seeing D. Upon review and if needed discussion, the schedule will be approved within the contraints of what has been indicated in the divorce papers....By 3pm, D4's schedule must be submitted to me or my laywer for the month of June. As indicated in cozi.com, I will have D4 on the weekend of July 28th and July 6th. Plan accordingly.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Damn, RG, my heads hurt just from reading that. 

my advice is to tell her what I tell my WS - I will agree to ANYTHING as long as we don't have to talk about it anymore.


----------



## tom67

Bullwinkle said:


> Damn, RG, my heads hurt just from reading that.
> 
> my advice is to tell her what I tell my WS - I will agree to ANYTHING as long as we don't have to talk about it anymore.


UGH! You should call your lawyer and tell her lawyer to stop overdosing on stupid pills.:banghead:


----------



## HappyKaty

It must suck to be so miserable.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: If you do not oblige to the making of schedule, I will not release Laila to your care and you can take me to court over seeing her, in which a judge will indicate the legal standard of every other weekend and legally make us create a schedule that must be honored or can be brought back into court to face the penalties...this is not a threat but the law...
I hope you understand...its only fair to everyone involved....your mother should not be put in the middle and I should not be left to deal with the clean up or last minute changes. this schedule will ensure consistency for everyone involved as well as the desired limited communication between us. I wont need to talk to you every week to find out what your plans are for D4. I believe all three of us will benefit. 

Also you are to feed D4 appropriately and change her IMMEDIATELY if she has any accidents.

- This woman is losing her damn mind.


----------



## Conrad

She's still trying to make an issue out of your mother.

That's what this is all about.

You have childcare resources and she doesn't.

So unfair

We could start talking of all the childcare resources she had before she invited posOM into her bed... but I digress.


----------



## ReGroup

Ignore it right?

Just update the online calendar?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Ignore it right?
> 
> Just update the online calendar?


No need to immediately respond.... as she's checking for the answer every 10 minutes.

Let's let her stew and we'll kick this around.


----------



## happyman64

You should have invited her to go camping with you.

Then banged her brains out.

God that woman needs some......


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> She's still trying to make an issue out of your mother.
> 
> That's what this is all about.
> 
> You have childcare resources and she doesn't.
> 
> So unfair
> 
> We could start talking of all the childcare resources she had before she invited posOM into her bed... but I digress.


In my opinion she would really be opening a can of worms if she took you to court. I don't know meet her at a coffee shop and calmly say I'm not ok with constant threats if you want to coparent then coparent otherwise I will be forced to take other legal options then walk out. I mean there comes a point, oh well. Have a nice long weekend.


----------



## ReGroup

She's nuts. 

She's requesting for a month in advance... That's what the calendar is for.


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> You should have invited her to go camping with you.
> 
> Then banged her brains out.
> 
> God that woman needs some......


That's another option.


----------



## GutPunch

I agree....definitely let her stew. My opinion is to just put the darn times in the calendar and not even respond. 

Stupid question but if you went to court could you get 50-50 custody? I wouldn't like that court sh*t thrown in my face.


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> I agree....definitely let her stew. My opinion is to just put the darn times in the calendar and not even respond.
> 
> Stupid question but if you went to court could you get 50-50 custody? I wouldn't like that court sh*t thrown in my face.


I'd get the standard every other weekend. Under Joint Custody.

That doesn't work in her favor (even though she's threatening it).


----------



## GutPunch

Any time during the week?


----------



## ReGroup

I'm going to call her bluff... I'll ignore her damn 3 o'clock deadline.

Update the calendar tonight. And we'll go from there.

Lord knows I have the bigger War Chest.

That conversation went from constructive to HELL.


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> Any time during the week?


Just weekends. NYC doesn't favor us deadbeat dads.


----------



## hope4family

Conrad said:


> No need to immediately respond.... as she's checking for the answer every 10 minutes.
> 
> Let's let her stew and we'll kick this around.


When my ex asked to see my son for visitation on memorial day weekend. I let that stew almost 24 hours before sending my response. So I really agree with Conrad, let her stew, thinking "she's got this." Meanwhile, focus on you, enjoy your life, and if you have the kid. Enjoy your time with them.


----------



## Mavash.

The trigger on this is the camping trip. Shes a control freak and its driving her nuts than she doesn't know details. Not so much about D4 but about you. This was a fishing expedition and when you failed to answer her intrusive questions it escalated into schedules, your mother and threats to keep you from your daughter. If she can't control she must destroy.

I'm not at attorney so I don't know what you can do if she goes through on her threats but my gut says its a bluff. Look again at last sat. She went from your mother can't have her to taking D4 to her.

If it were me I'd ignore the email and call her bluff. I don't think she has it in her to play poker however I could be wrong. Her past history says she doesn't follow through with threats but there is always a first time. What's the worst that happens? She keeps your daughter and misses out on fun with posOm? I just don't see her doing that. She's just trying to control you and sadly she's using your daughter to do it. Don't fall for it or she will do this for the next 14 years.


----------



## BWBill

Her missive looks like something she put together to show a third party, perhaps introduce in court.

She has no ability to set deadlines. I wouldn't respond before showing it to your lawyer.


----------



## Ceegee

Just curious, how much time passed between your email and her response below?




ReGroup said:


> SMH...
> 
> 
> RG: I'll input the pick up times on the calendar. I'll have it updated by tonight.
> 
> 
> 
> Mrs. RG: I need the month planned ahead of time...if things change, so be it however, there needs to be a consistent time that we all know when D4 will be picked up and dropped off...there will be no more last minute plans...of course there are always exceptions, however, it is your responsibility during your time with D4 to plan accordingly. If you do not provide me with a schedule, I will indicate in the divorce papers the requirement of a schedule in order to see D4.
> 
> A schedule is necessary for all parties involved. If you are unable to handle this, as stated before, per two previous emails, have your lawyer send my lawyer a schedule, this will be expected by 3pm today, or as stated before I will make one and it will go into the divorce papers. From here on out, Pick up will be at (Point A) and Drop off will be at (Point B).
> 
> Pick up for D4 will no later than 9am on Saturdays by either you or your mother, and my pick up will be no later than 4pm on Sunday, time exceptions may be made for Holidays. Holidays can be discussed, however, standard is every other holiday unless discussed and agreed by BOTH parties.
> 
> D4 is not expected to relay messages to me about her weekend plans or her seeing you...you are obligated to make a schedule to avoid Laila's involvement or mis-communication She is 4 years old and cannot and will not be the middle man in relaying messages.
> 
> 
> I have been more than fair and flexible within your inconsistency with her and me in seeing D4. I have been extremely considerate in dealing with you RG, including your no-shows, last minute plans or last minute changes, including changes, the day of seeing D4. I will pursue this in court or via divorce papers if you do not oblige to making a monthly schedule. To reiterate once again, I am willing to be flexible within changes, emergencies or special circumstances however, it is detrimental to D4's emotional health and development for her to know when she is going to see her father.
> 
> To recapitulate, every month a schedule is required indicating the weekends that you will be seeing D. Upon review and if needed discussion, the schedule will be approved within the contraints of what has been indicated in the divorce papers....By 3pm, D4's schedule must be submitted to me or my laywer for the month of June. As indicated in cozi.com, I will have D4 on the weekend of July 28th and July 6th. Plan accordingly.


----------



## ReGroup

Don't know what I would do without TAM.

Mavi is right about the trigger.

I offered to negotiate via the calendar and she basically declined.

Lady is fighting against herself.

Just last D4 offered to read me a story and abruptly she starts crying... I ask why and she says, "mommy says you don't want to hear the story". I reassured of course.

Screw Her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I offered to negotiate via the calendar and she basically declined.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Another Pick 6 for Team ReGroup

Team Fantasy still hasn't made it out of their own "end" zone.

Heads still firmly up their asses.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Just last D4 offered to read me a story and abruptly she starts crying... I ask why and she says, "mommy says you don't want to hear the story". I reassured of course.
> 
> Screw Her.


Typical. Mommy has to hero up, because she sucks in every other aspect. Kids don't remain oblivious to such. Please believe that.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Just curious, how much time passed between your email and her response below?


30 minutes.


----------



## Mavash.

Can't dump your anger on a calendar.


----------



## vi_bride04

Mavash. said:


> If it were me I'd ignore the email and call her bluff. I don't think she has it in her to play poker however I could be wrong. Her past history says she doesn't follow through with threats but there is always a first time. What's the worst that happens? She keeps your daughter and misses out on fun with posOm? I just don't see her doing that. She's just trying to control you and sadly she's using your daughter to do it. Don't fall for it or she will do this for the next 14 years.


:iagree:

Totally agree with this. 

Since when has the words that have come out of her mouth actually manifested into action??

If her past history is any indication, she is just blowing hot air. Ignore her. Let her stew. She just wants control and is trying to use D4 to get it since all the other crap isn't working (like your mother) to bait you into a fight. 

I don't understand why she is so against the calendar. Oh wait - b/c she is not the one controlling it!!!


----------



## Mavash.

One of my favorite books is the gift of fear by Gavin DeBecker. In it he teaches you how to spot subtle signs of violence and threats, how to protect ourselves, to trust and act on our gut. Intuition over logic.

I read it because my parents were big on threats. Anyway that's where I got the line the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. That comforted me because historically my parents had never acted on any of their threats therefore I was safer than they would like me to think I was. Gave me insight into the mind of abusers.


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.


Love it.

And I welcome the challenge of proving it wrong.


----------



## PieceOfSky

BWBill said:


> Her missive looks like something she put together to show a third party, perhaps introduce in court.
> 
> She has no ability to set deadlines. I wouldn't respond before showing it to your lawyer.


My hunch exactly.

My only concern with ignoring it is perhaps a judge might take her accusations as true if you don't attempt to say at least "I disagree with many of your assertions." Or whatever. But, I want to believe judges are not fooled by attempts, not under oath, to smear the other.

I would ask my lawyer for advise. Even though it is expensive.


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> And I welcome the challenge of proving it wrong.


Seeking help changes the ability to predict someone's behavior. I surprise my husband all the time.


----------



## HappyKaty

Mavash. said:


> Seeking help changes the ability to predict someone's behavior.


QFT.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

I have a pirated video of Team Fantasy's latest efforts:

Hamster Wheel - YouTube


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> I have a pirated video of Team Fantasy's latest efforts:
> 
> Hamster Wheel - YouTube


HAHAHAHA!

You owe me an iPad.


----------



## ReGroup

PieceOfSky said:


> My hunch exactly.
> 
> My only concern with ignoring it is perhaps a judge might take her accusations as true if you don't attempt to say at least "I disagree with many of your assertions." Or whatever. But, I want to believe judges are not fooled by attempts, not under oath, to smear the other.
> 
> I would ask my lawyer for advise. Even though it is expensive.


I’ll show the judge that I tried to negotiate a parenting schedule with her via the online calendar. 
Then I’ll tell the judge that I was at work and couldn’t meet HER deadline.

Mrs. RG doesn’t have money. She is knee deep in debt – one of my issues I had with her. 

She doesn’t want to go to court over this. 

And, where is this settlement that she claims is already done?


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> HAHAHAHA!
> 
> You owe me an iPad.


Awesome wasn't it?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Awesome wasn't it?


Just keep dumping your hamster unceremoniously on her behind 50,000 times and she may learn something.


----------



## tom67

Was that the rationalization hamster by chance? Ha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

She just sent a cozi message notifying me that the schedule is due. Lol.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She just sent a cozi message notifying me that the schedule is due. Lol.


You are on her mind today.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> You are on her mind today.


She's going to get The RG "Brujeria" Doll ready. :rofl:


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She's going to get The RG "Brujeria" Doll ready. :rofl:


I admit, I log on here everyday hoping that you are going to hear from her.

She's very entertaining.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> I admit, I log on here everyday hoping that you are going to hear from her.
> 
> She's very entertaining.


Well Chip, I am garnering these responses because of you... I mean, I was a Doormat a few months ago.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Well Chip, I am gardening these responses because of you... I mean, I was a Doormat a few months ago.


I'm imagining this set of brujeria voodoo dolls with forks and other sharp implements sticking out of all the important areas.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Im trying to give you a change here to have a say in the schedule...when will you have one for me or I will have my laywer put the schedule that I am writing into the divorce papers...we are mailing it out today....


----------



## Awakening2012

Hi RG - 

Jeezus, what a ridiculous victim control freak tirade. This is harrassment. What utter gobbledy ****! Is she on medication (or shoud she be)?

I'd find the most direct route to settling the schedule BS once and for all and minimizing all contact with her. I suppose that won't stop her from finding excuses to ping you.

I'm grateful my H and I did not have children, so we'll never have to deal with each other again. I hope this evolves into a more settled civil co-parenting arrangement.

Best Wishes,- A12


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Im trying to give you a change here to have a say in the schedule...when will you have one for me or I will have my laywer put the schedule that I am writing into the divorce papers...we are mailing it out today....


Answer:

"Good, I'll look for it"

Do not engage.


----------



## Awakening2012

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Im trying to give you a change here to have a say in the schedule...when will you have one for me or I will have my laywer put the schedule that I am writing into the divorce papers...we are mailing it out today....


Lord have mercy!


----------



## vi_bride04

.....if she was really serious with her threats, she would have written it up and gave it to her lawyer to already!!!

Oh and she can send you a Cozi message but can't seem to use the Cozi calendar???? :scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

What's odd is that my lawyer asked for my W-2's a week ago... I responded back via email asking for his fax - he never responded. He wanted to calculate to make sure the figures were correct.

So how can the papers be mailed today? Wouldn't he let me know that negotiations were complete?

I don't know. 

A12, I know... I know. It's insane.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> What's odd is that my lawyer asked for my W-2's a week ago... I responded back via email asking for his fax - he never responded. He wanted to calculate to make sure the figures were correct.
> 
> So how can the papers be mailed today? Wouldn't he let me know that negotiations were complete?
> 
> I don't know.
> 
> A12, I know... I know. It's insane.


Turn towards stillness Group.

You don't have a care in the world.

Have a great camping trip.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Turn towards stillness Group.
> 
> You don't have a care in the world.
> 
> Have a great camping trip.


Thanks Chip, though that might get cancelled because of the weather.

I sent your message she probably thinks I've lost my god damn mind. LOL.

Thanks for the help everyone - we survived another day.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Thanks Chip, though that might get cancelled because of the weather.
> 
> I sent your message she probably thinks I've lost my god damn mind. LOL.
> 
> Thanks for the help everyone - we survived another day.


We've done plenty of discussion of Star Wars.

My favorite ending is Episode #5

No fireworks. No explosions.

Just Luke getting his new hand and standing there with the Princess and the droids.

Living to fight another day.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Im trying to give you a change here to have a say in the schedule...when will you have one for me or I will have my laywer put the schedule that I am writing into the divorce papers...we are mailing it out today....


I just reread her email. What she wants is a requirement that a monthly schedule be done or you can't have D4. What it's too hard to remember every other weekend? Lol

Read carefully what she puts in those supposed mythical papers.

She's lost her ever loving mind.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I just reread her email. What she wants is a requirement that a monthly schedule be done or you can't have D4. What it's to hard to remember every other weekend? Lol
> 
> Read carefully what she puts in those supposed mythical papers.
> 
> She's lost her ever loving mind.


I'm thinking another IV bottle is in her near-term future.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: What does that mean?

So, You don't want to write a schedule for the weekends that you want to have D4?

I had sent Chip's message.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: What does that mean?
> 
> So, You don't want to write a schedule for the weekends that you want to have D4?
> 
> I had sent Chip's message.


"It means I'm looking forward to evaluating what you've put together"


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: What does that mean?
> 
> So, You don't want to write a schedule for the weekends that you want to have D4?
> 
> I had sent Chip's message.


Told you.

She wants a schedule for June. 

Not sure about the other 11 months. Lol

If you respond say something like "I want D4 3 weekends out of the month and no I don't want to write a schedule. I want to use cozi" or whatever it is you ultimately want.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavi, you were right. I've said it before, you know her better than I do.

Earilier I stated I was willing to update it tonight - she wanted 3pm. I'll do it tonight .

She's running out of ammo to use on us.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She's running out of ammo to use on us.


Sure she is.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> She's running out of ammo to use on us.


She'll make her own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> She'll make her own.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fitness Test Factories run on self-inflicted drama.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: But I have asked you several times to choose a schedule that you are comfortable with.

Why won't you provide a schedule?

- schedule was updated 2 hours ago like I stated on cozi.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Does she know cozi has been updated?


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> Does she know cozi has been updated?


Just like my X. Never checks cozi. Even after she told me she'd rather receive certain updates via cozi. 

Too simple. No chaos.


----------



## Mavash.

I thought so my original response was that she wanted him to engage and I said don't.

Thought it was too harsh so I edited it.


----------



## ReGroup

I love the snippy Mavi.

I asked to look at the calendar.

We called her bluff and that's what it was.

She's lost her mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> She's lost her mind.


Did she ever have it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

next time the Lizard asks where you are going with D

tell her a wh)rehouse, when she flips out

mention you could use her VIP card


----------



## Bullwinkle

Where are you, Group? You go on your camping trip? You sitting around some smokey campfire making S'Mores?


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> next time the Lizard asks where you are going with D
> 
> tell her a wh)rehouse, when she flips out
> 
> mention you could use her VIP card


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## ReGroup

SMH

Mrs. RG calls.

She tells me that she needs to see me. She has the paper work. She needs to have it notarized by tomorrow.
Needs? 

I tell her to drop it off as I won't be home at the time of pick up.

She refuses... She wants to see me and says I am being difficult.

I tell her I have plans and to get off the phone.

She calls again... And again, and again...

I pick up the phone and tell her to leave the paper work for review.

She insists that we meet. She needs it notarized by tomorrow. Then she tells me that she will take me to court tomorrow if it's not signed tomorrow. That her lawyer told her that my lawyer has spoken poorly of me. That I have refused to pay him. Lol.

Mrs. RG: We have to sign it together. I am not try to hurt you.

RG: I am not being hurt by this.

Mrs. RG: Thanks! 

What she does not know is that Team RG emailed me today wishing me a good weekend and for me to send him my W2's to review things on his end. 

She is full of crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

Not only is she full of crap but she is crazy. And she is driving herself nuts to boot.....


----------



## ReGroup

This is getting beyond bizarre.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

She is now saying that the paper work has not changed one bit from the revision sent back to me in March.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Why I am having a problem letting her go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> This is getting beyond bizarre.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Makes perfect sense to me.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Why I am having a problem letting her go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fear.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Why I am having a problem letting her go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What Mav said: fear. 

Let me guess ... was she your first serious relationship? 

I'm in the same boat but logic is taking over emotions for me. 

Mrs. RG sounds just like Mrs. LS.


----------



## ReGroup

No, that's what she asked me... I let her go a long time ago.

She keeps blowing up my phone. Begging to me meet to "talk".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

ReGroup said:


> Why I am having a problem letting her go.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What? You're joking?


----------



## Awakening2012

ReGroup said:


> No, that's what she asked me... I let her go a long time ago.
> 
> She keeps blowing up my phone. Begging to me meet to "talk".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, hadn't seen this? So that was her telling you, why are you having a problem letting her go?

In that case, LOL!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Why I am having a problem letting her go.





ReGroup said:


> No, that's what she asked me...


Projection


----------



## Chuck71

Group meet me, be here, do this

NOW

NOW

NOW

NOW

once she gets it into her metal head you are not the puppy

things can change, but will QL ever realize it? Good question

every time she engages with you its a reaction she wants

whether it be sad, mad, glad, what ever

"Where's my #$%%^^ soda machine?"

when my ex started that crap, i knew she was about to implode

it wasn't as if i could just walk away or she was not my 1st love

but I evaluated every thing that occurred in the last five years

yeah she wanted to cast me as the villain

in reality, every one is a villain unless they're perfect

observe her....her behavior is off the charts

great thing Mav is giving you behind the lines clues

I've learned a lot from Mav , I think every guy reading this has


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> No, that's what she asked me... I let her go a long time ago.
> 
> She keeps blowing up my phone. Begging to me meet to "talk".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uggh! I'd be fearful of that talk.

Avoid it like the plague.

Sure let's meet at Applebees so you can dump about 
six months of anger on me.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> No, that's what she asked me... I let her go a long time ago.
> 
> She keeps blowing up my phone. Begging to me meet to "talk".


The soda machine isn't working... She dropped her quarters in, but no matter what buttons she pushes, nothing comes out.

This is her kicking and shaking it, still trying to get something... anything... out of it.

Apparently, she hasn't noticed the "OUT OF ORDER" sign.


----------



## Conrad

She is easily the most entertaining TAM spouse.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> No, that's what she asked me... I let her go a long time ago.
> 
> She keeps blowing up my phone. Begging to me meet to "talk".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol I thought you were serious. 

Okay now I'll explain it.

My gut says it is a manipulation tactic.

If you were willing to let her go you'd rush right over to sign whatever she puts in front of you.

See she woke up this morning with a plan and she's pissed you won't play.

It's funny.


----------



## Mavash.

Women like her can't grasp that others exist.

If she wants to do something today she truly assumes you do too.

Does not compute when you won't.

Hence why she's burning up your phone.

And you trained her well by giving into this for years.

She's the center of the universe and you/your mother confirmed it.


----------



## ReGroup

I'll keep you guys updated.

Show down is occurring.

I have to do the exchange anyways.

CDF.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'll keep you guys updated.
> 
> Show down is occurring.
> 
> I have to do the exchange anyways.
> 
> CDF.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"I'm not ok with this"

"I don't like where this conversation is headed"

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

The Big 3


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> No, that's what she asked me... I let her go a long time ago.
> 
> She keeps blowing up my phone. Begging to me meet to "talk".
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


BP asked me the same thing this morning.

"Why can't you just let me, and the memory of me, go?"

Ummmm...what?

They want us to respond with reasons that we can't let go...what it is that makes them SO unforgettable. They want reassurance that they are who they think they are. They need validation.

Let her keep searching. There are millions of other fixers that will give her that validation.


----------



## Conrad

It's projection.

They're unable to escape their own heads.


----------



## Mavash.

HappyKaty said:


> BP asked me the same thing this morning.
> 
> "Why can't you just let me, and the memory of me, go?"
> 
> Ummmm...what?.


This is how he's coping.

He's rewriting it in his head because he's a narcissist.

You don't leave narcissists they leave YOU.

Lol


----------



## HappyKaty

Mavash. said:


> This is how he's coping.
> 
> He's rewriting it in his head because he's a narcissist.
> 
> You don't leave narcissists they leave YOU.
> 
> Lol


Don't I know. 

The one time I did leave him (like, I was there when he left for work, and when he came home, the house was empty), he made up this elaborate story to friends and family about how he told me if I was there when he got home, he'd pack my belongings and set them on the front porch. Lol.

Good Lord. I have never been happy with him.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> This is how he's coping.
> 
> He's rewriting it in his head because he's a narcissist.
> 
> You don't leave narcissists they leave YOU.
> 
> Lol


Even Butt Pirates?


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> Even Butt Pirates?


According to Wiki, they can be narcissists, too! :rofl:


----------



## Mavash.

HappyKaty said:


> Don't I know.
> 
> The one time I did leave him (like, I was there when he left for work, and when he came home, the house was empty), he made up this elaborate story to friends and family about how he told me if I was there when he got home, he'd pack my belongings and set them on the front porch. Lol.
> 
> Good Lord. I have never been happy with him.


You should hear the stories my narcissist dad has made up. 

He disowned ME but that's not the pitiful story he tells everyone that will listen.

He's just a nice dad/grandfather who wants to see me and the kids. 

Sniff sniff breaks my heart.

That's why he threatened me, sued me, slandered me and tried to have me fired from my job. Lol

I MADE him do it.


----------



## ReGroup

Progress was made today, Team Fantasy used a calculator and multiplied correctly.

The meeting was a whole lot of nothing... My guess is she wanted to take the temperature of the room.

I gave her the "I do not have a care in the world" attitude. Jovial as well.

I let her talk...

1. I wish I could be like you and not gave a damn.
2. I want to curse you out.
3. I know you don't care about me.
4. Why don't you walk next to me.
5. Why do you hate me.

She asked why I was stalling. She asked if I had a lawyer. She said she had accrued 2k in legal fees.

All BS. She even attempted to call her lawyer in front of me. All a show.

Woman is cracking. I stayed at 50K.

By the time we left she was initiating contact with me... Asked if she could sit next to me on the train... Crazy.

I was aloof with all this stuff. 

This story is far from over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

FYI... Her lawyer is an idiot.

Or she is just making stuff up.

She switch her story at least 5 times. 

1. Do you have a lawyer.
2. Your lawyer says he advised you to sign.
3. Your lawyer said you have not paid him.
4. Your lawyer told my lawyer you were being difficult...

Her lawyer hasn't gotten back to my guy!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

I'd just like to say that I love seeing your thread title in bold print, when I log on to TAM. 

"Time to ReGroup and Move On" is my favorite novel.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Progress was made today, Team Fantasy used a calculator and multiplied correctly.
> 
> The meeting was a whole lot of nothing... My guess is she wanted to take the temperature of the room.
> 
> I gave her the "I do not have a care in the world" attitude. Jovial as well.
> 
> I let her talk...
> 
> 1. I wish I could be like you and not gave a damn.
> 2. I want to curse you out.
> 3. I know you don't care about me.
> 4. Why don't you walk next to me.
> 5. Why do you hate me.
> 
> She asked why I was stalling. She asked if I had a lawyer. She said she had accrued 2k in legal fees.
> 
> All BS. She even attempted to call her lawyer in front of me. All a show.
> 
> Woman is cracking. I stayed at 50K.
> 
> By the time we left she was initiating contact with me... Asked if she could sit next to me on the train... Crazy.
> 
> I was aloof with all this stuff.
> 
> This story is far from over.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's going to throw herself at you.

Be ready.

It's her destiny.

Remember the key words, "PosOM has got to go" - no contact letter and the entire program from CWI.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She's going to throw herself at you.
> 
> Be ready.
> 
> It's her destiny.
> 
> Remember the key words, "PosOM has got to go" - no contact letter and the entire program from CWI.


Depends on how much pride she has.

It's also been a year....


----------



## ReGroup

She thanked me for meeting her today.

One year and we are in the same place.

Team RG offered to write this thing a month ago... I am getting a fixed rate so it won't cost me a thing.

Damn, I wish you guys could have been there... Pure comedy.

We'll be married past next Spring.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Group, I enjoy your thread because your STBXW is a lot like mine and the advice you get really helps me. 

However, where yours is now pressuring you in the divorce mine is stalling. She's cancelled the last two meetings. One because she didn't want to meet at the proposed location and now because she wants an apology from my attorney. By the way, she typed the cancellation email out while driving the kids through a flood. She's gone absolutely crazy.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Group, I enjoy your thread because your STBXW is a lot like mine and the advice you get really helps me.
> 
> However, where yours is now pressuring you in the divorce mine is stalling. She's cancelled the last two meetings. One because she didn't want to meet at the proposed location and now because she wants an apology from my attorney. By the way, she typed the cancellation email out while driving the kids through a flood. She's gone absolutely crazy.


Don't you wish you could just ask, "what is it that you want???".

Mine is crazy... Broken what ever you want to call it.

I tried to make an example of something... Saying NO... I expected her to say no to my request... I was wrong.

RG: I want you to cut your hair.

Mrs. RG: How short do you want me to cut it? I was think of doing a new style. Do you want me to cut it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Don't you wish you could just ask, "what is it that you want???".
> 
> Mine is crazy... Broken what ever you want to call it.
> 
> I tried to make an example of something... Saying NO... I expected her to say no to my request... I was wrong.
> 
> RG: I want you to cut your hair.
> 
> Mrs. RG: How short do you want me to cut it? I was think of doing a new style. Do you want me to cut it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lmfao.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

LOL


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Don't you wish you could just ask, "what is it that you want???".
> 
> Mine is crazy... Broken what ever you want to call it.
> 
> I tried to make an example of something... Saying NO... I expected her to say no to my request... I was wrong.
> 
> RG: I want you to cut your hair.
> 
> Mrs. RG: How short do you want me to cut it? I was think of doing a new style. Do you want me to cut it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I get that but, no. I want to ask "what will make you go away?"


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> I get that but, no. I want to ask "what will make you go away?"



:rofl:

Motley Crue - Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) (official music video) - YouTube


----------



## Chuck71

Group, LQ never in a million years thought you would be this way

I admit, if I lived in NYC, had child and married to a similar LQ

a fifth of JD may last a day

she tried to rewrite history and her pen stopped writing

stall tactics, end of school year

not saying it will happen but, do not be surprised if POSOM

is shown the door on last day of school

if he was Mr. Everything to her, she would not spend so much time

wanting to engage with you

it's been a year since everything started, danm I thought mine was drawn out

and it was less than three months

now that you are central and focused, you may want to begin

laying the ground work for an expedient divorce on her end

not a thing wrong with dating after a D, my parents did, even re-married

but that was the 60's LOL

Yet do not put too much into my advice, I have not been in your situation

I guess I hate when things seem to stay in neutral


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Don't you wish you could just ask, "what is it that you want???".
> 
> Mine is crazy... Broken what ever you want to call it.
> 
> I tried to make an example of something... Saying NO... I expected her to say no to my request... I was wrong.
> 
> RG: I want you to cut your hair.
> 
> Mrs. RG: How short do you want me to cut it? I was think of doing a new style. Do you want me to cut it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some people like to make life a little tougher than it is.


----------



## ReGroup

God bless Mrs. RG's heart.

Mrs. RG: you told me yesterday that Team RG doesnt have the paperwork but then told me that when Team RG looked at it, he laughed...

Let me know what you need from me to get this going...are we in agreement of every other weekend with flexibility or no> I dont recall coming to terms with that, also I am in agreement of the 50/50 for child care year round, unless, I do not work...if I dont work then I am responsible for the payment of day care...

RG: Team RG has the first proposal - not the amended copy.

Have your lawyer fax over your W2 forms so that Team RG can work on the prorated rate.

I am unclear about child care... Can you elaborate?

Mrs. RG: what is the fax number? and attention to who?

* My lawyer!

RG: I requested his fax.

Mrs. RG: thank you...

So Team RG has something written up already for review?

RG: He doesn't have your earnings yet. He needs it first to draw something up. :scratchhead:

Mrs. RG: what you told me yesterday....just for clarification....during the school year, we will split day care costs...if I work in the summer, we will spit those as well...if I do not work, then you do not split with me...

RG: Ok.

Tuition is taken out of the 17pct.

Day care when she has no school... Am I correct?

Mrs. RG: we split day care costs when she needs it and I am working, year round....unless I have off, we split right?

RG: If she has the day off and you are working we use the prorated rate.

Mrs. RG: what do you mean pro-rated rate?

and why does Team RG

need my W2's by the way?

RG: Mrs. RG, 

consult with your lawyer. Tell him to address these questions. 

I'll send you the fax number when Team RG responds.

:scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

I'm exhausted just reading it.

Can you imagine what's going on between her ears?


----------



## GutPunch

She's trying to get 17% and 50% of daycare/school.


----------



## ReGroup

If she's working I am obligated to pay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> She's trying to get 17% and 50% of daycare/school.


She's finally showing her hand.

All this has been manipulation about trying to find some sort of deep-pocket in ReG's pants.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG

I read through this. Now i'm lying in a dark room with a cold compress.


----------



## ReGroup

The settlement she brought with her yesterday had me paying 17pct and 50pct of everything.

I declined to sign.

My guy is going to write this thing up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Bullwinkle said:


> RG
> 
> I read through this. Now i'm lying in a dark room with a cold compress.


That's as bad as the "who's on first" skit geez talk about going around in circles.:scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The settlement she brought with her yesterday had me paying 17pct and 50pct of everything.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's been pushing that for MONTHS.

She's just not honest enough to admit what she's up to.

"Why won't you let me go"... REALLY MEANS...

"Why won't you pay me to leave you"


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> She's finally showing her hand.
> 
> All this has been manipulation about trying to find some sort of deep-pocket in ReG's pants.


Sounds familiar... 

*HOLD FAST*


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: RG, 
My lawyer is advising that I go to court...I dont want to go this route....Why wont you just tell me?

he told me to say that Ill make it part of my mandatory disclosure in court in support proceedings...Im asking you to work with me here...


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She's been pushing that for MONTHS.
> 
> She's just not honest enough to admit what she's up to.
> 
> "Why won't you let me go"... REALLY MEANS...
> 
> "Why won't you pay me to leave you"


QFT


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: RG,
> My lawyer is advising that I go to court...I dont want to go this route....Why wont you just tell me?
> 
> he told me to say that Ill make it part of my mandatory disclosure in court in support proceedings...Im asking you to work with me here...


Yet another attempt to scare you into paying her to leave you.

Child care is expensive.

Might have been something to think about before falling "victim" to the amorous advances of posOM.


----------



## ReGroup

Not going to flinch. 

I'll respond with: I'll see you in court then.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> The settlement she brought with her yesterday had me paying 17pct and 50pct of everything.
> 
> I declined to sign.
> 
> My guy is going to write this thing up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's lost her mind.

Reminds me of my friend who thought she was going to get HALF his check.

She ended up with 10% cash. Likely 17% if you factor in insurance, medical, etc.


----------



## Ceegee

Group, reading your thread makes me feel the same way as when I read emails from my STBXW. Yet, I keep coming back for more.

Says a lot about me doesn't it? Just a glutton for punishment, huh?

Hang in there dude.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> She's lost her mind.
> 
> Reminds me of my friend who thought she was going to get HALF his check.
> 
> She ended up with 10% cash. Likely 17% if you factor in insurance, medical, etc.


Surprised Mrs. ReG doesn't include a clause about all those unplanned hospitalizations ReGroup's stubborn behavior "pushes her into"


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> She's lost her mind.
> 
> Reminds me of my friend who thought she was going to get HALF his check.
> 
> She ended up with 10% cash. Likely 17% if you factor in insurance, medical, etc.


Yep... My wife pushed for the full 28% child support and 100% expenses... even though we make the same income... and will have equal time with the kids... and I was offering to cover most expenses 100%... She thought the female judge would see things her way...

I called her bluff, and she ended up with about 6% and half expenses. Money-wise, it amounted to pretty much what I was already offering her... Total waste of court fees and billable hours.

She was NOT happy after that meeting with the judge.


----------



## ReGroup

She does not have the money to go to court. Lol

Team RG wants her W2s to come up with the pro rated rate...

Mrs. RG: So we are not going to split care 50/50 if I am working over the Summer? I won't submit the forms, I have bills and loans to pay off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She does not have the money to go to court. Lol
> 
> Team RG wants her W2s to come up with the pro rated rate...
> 
> Mrs. RG: So we are not going to split care 50/50 if I am working over the Summer? I won't submit the forms, I have bills and loans to pay off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are times the busy little worker bees turn around and start to wonder who is to be hung on this scaffold they've constructed.

They need to check the mirror.

This is dawning on her now.


----------



## happyman64

Your wife views you and the divorce has her personal piggyback.

Oink! Oink!

Take her to court. It is the nicest b!tch slap you can give her......


----------



## hope4family

Mavash. said:


> She's lost her mind.
> 
> *Reminds me of my friend who thought she was going to get HALF his check.
> *
> She ended up with 10% cash. Likely 17% if you factor in insurance, medical, etc.



Was her name Mrs Hope?

My ex-wife said the same thing to me on assets. I didn't need a lawyer to tell me that isn't true. 

I laughed it off. But I got to admit, any tears I shed from that moment on were mainly for a "how could I marry someone so selfish."


----------



## Conrad

hope4family said:


> Was her name Mrs Hope?
> 
> My ex-wife said the same thing to me on assets. I didn't need a lawyer to tell me that isn't true.
> 
> I laughed it off. But I got to admit, any tears I shed from that moment on were mainly for a "how could I marry someone so selfish."


Not to sidetrack things, but I do wonder if we're simply that much "more" off course now than our parents.

We project all these wonderful qualities onto people just because we want to bang them.

Stupid.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> There are times the busy little worker bees turn around and start to wonder who is to be hung on this scaffold they've constructed.
> 
> They need to check the mirror.
> 
> This is dawning on her now.


So again, we are at a stand still?

What do you guys suggest?

I mean, it's the freaking law. 

I'm ready for this.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> She does not have the money to go to court. Lol
> 
> Team RG wants her W2s to come up with the pro rated rate...
> 
> Mrs. RG: So we are not going to split care 50/50 if I am working over the Summer? I won't submit the forms, I have bills and loans to pay off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well why didn't she say she had bills and debt? This changes everything. Lol

Delusional people are so amusing.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Well why didn't she say she had bills and debt? This changes everything. Lol
> 
> Delusional people are so amusing.


Yeah, that stuff she's purchased for posOM is pretty expensive!

Can't blame a girl for looking for a little help from time to time.


----------



## Awakening2012

Conrad said:


> Not to sidetrack things, but I do wonder if we're simply that much "more" off course now than our parents.
> 
> We project all these wonderful qualities onto people just because we want to bang them.
> 
> Stupid.


Amen, ain't that the truth! :banghead:


----------



## hope4family

Mavash. said:


> Well why didn't she say she had bills and debt? This changes everything. Lol
> 
> Delusional people are so amusing.


When my ex tells me. 

"I don't have a job as flexible as yours." 

I want to say, "As flexible as mine? You mean work 9-5? M-F like most people do?"

Oh wait that's right, the job she has is like 3 days on 2 days off. But that is my fault. 

Just like it was my fault that I didn't tell her that I dropped her from her health insurance when we were divorced. 

WHY DOES THAT COME AS SUCH A SURPRISE!?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> So again, we are at a stand still?
> 
> What do you guys suggest?
> 
> I mean, it's the freaking law.
> 
> I'm ready for this.


Hold still.

Rock-ribbed and ready.

Your version of the agreement is still in force, correct?

Have your lawyer send your version over there with your signature on it.

See what she does.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Hold still.
> 
> Rock-ribbed and ready.
> 
> Your version of the agreement is still in force, correct?
> 
> Have your lawyer send your version over there with your signature on it.
> 
> See what she does.


That's the problem Chip, we need her W-2 to calculate the prorated rate. 

Hands are tired if she doesn't submit them.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Yeah, that stuff she's purchased for posOM is pretty expensive!
> 
> Can't blame a girl for looking for a little help from time to time.


She wants to be free she must pay for it.

Cracks me up how many women think they can be single and get their husbands to continue to support them.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> That's the problem Chip, we need her W-2 to calculate the prorated rate.
> 
> Hands are tired if she doesn't submit them.


At some point when you get sick of waiting can't you make her give them to you legality?

My friends husband drug his feet for months not wanting to provide financial info but eventually he did because the judge ordered him to.

She was the one pushing for the D not him.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> She wants to be free she must pay for it.
> 
> Cracks me up how many women think they can be single and get their husbands to continue to support them.


Yea, it's a real knee-slapper Mav.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Yea, it's a real knee-slapper Mav.


Sorry I'm not trying to make light of a bad situation I promise.

I use humor when times suck.

Better to laugh than cry sometimes.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> At some point when you get sick of waiting can't you make her give them to you legality?
> 
> My friends husband drug his feet for months not wanting to provide financial info but eventually he did because the judge ordered him to.
> 
> She was the one pushing for the D not him.


ReGroup,

Nobody has filed, right?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> ReGroup,
> 
> Nobody has filed, right?


No... not even close.


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> No... not even close.


Curious, why not?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No... not even close.


Ok - now's the time.

Let's talk about firm, cool, and dispassionate.

You get your lawyer to file for divorce, and you subpeona her W-2's.

We'll get the popcorn.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> No... not even close.


Just so you know: Until one of you files, this...



ReGroup said:


> I'll respond with: I'll see you in court then.


...is a meaningless threat.

Right now, RG, in your situation, not filing is just wasting time.

File, and I guarantee things will start moving forward.


----------



## Conrad

Pbartender said:


> Just so you know: Until one of you files, this...
> 
> 
> 
> ...is a meaningless threat.
> 
> Right now, RG, in your situation, not filing is just wasting time.
> 
> File, and I guarantee things will start moving forward.


Pbar,

He's not sure he wants to divorce.

But, right now, filing and issuing the subpeona for those records (that she does not wish to show) is the 100% correct move.


----------



## hope4family

Pbartender said:


> Just so you know: Until one of you files, this...
> 
> 
> 
> ...is a meaningless threat.
> 
> Right now, RG, in your situation, not filing is just wasting time.
> 
> File, and I guarantee things will start moving forward.


Allot of my Christian friends gave me flack for being the one who files. Until I told them. 

Why reward someone who threatens to put your whole life into a hostage situation? 

Nobody has a good comeback for that yet.


----------



## ReGroup

Emailed my guy and he said he's going to take care of everything... whatever that means.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Emailed my guy and he said he's going to take care of everything... whatever that means.


You realize SHE is holding out on you.

She's making more than you think - so she hasn't produced them.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> You realize SHE is holding out on you.
> 
> She's making more than you think - so she hasn't produced them.


Yeah... She'll have turn in that document sooner or later.

I am having moments of weakness here.

Mrs. RG and PosOM living a great life. Never had those thoughts.... Dammit.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Yeah... She'll have turn in that document sooner or later.
> 
> I am having moments of weakness here.
> 
> Mrs. RG and PosOM living a great life. Never had those thoughts.... Dammit.


Great life? Are you serious?

Does she act like someone who is living a great life?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yeah... She'll have turn in that document sooner or later.
> 
> I am having moments of weakness here.
> 
> Mrs. RG and PosOM living a great life. Never had those thoughts.... Dammit.


Call the bluff.

Cool, firm, dispassionate

This must be done.

(You can always call it off later)


----------



## Tron

It means I am going to talk to her attorney and ask for the records (W-2's). 

Team RG to Team Fantasy: "Provide the records now, or after we file...up to you...it only costs your client money to wait" ...AND IT'S TRUE!

The court will force your WW to provide those records to you. They are an essential part of the discovery process when or if you file.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Yeah... She'll have turn in that document sooner or later.
> 
> I am having moments of weakness here.
> 
> Mrs. RG and PosOM living a great life. Never had those thoughts.... Dammit.


If she was having such a great life she wouldn't be going to such great lengths at making yours hell.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> It means I am going to talk to her attorney and ask for the records (W-2's).
> 
> Team RG to Team Fantasy: "Provide the records now, or after we file...up to you...it only costs your client money to wait" ...AND IT'S TRUE!
> 
> The court will force your WW to provide those records to you. They are an essential part of the discovery process when or if you file.


But only then.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Why dont you have your attorney email mine or call him again and ask him to email you the amended the copy...

- I feel emotionally drained by this.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Why dont you have your attorney email mine or call him again and ask him to email you the amended the copy...
> 
> - I feel emotionally drained by this.


Go dark.

Have some papers in her lap by Friday.

That will move things along.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Why dont you have your attorney email mine or call him again and ask him to email you the amended the copy...
> 
> - I feel emotionally drained by this.


And make me a cup of coffee while you're at it.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Why dont you have your attorney email mine or call him again and ask him to email you the amended the copy...
> 
> - I feel emotionally drained by this.


Then stop allowing it.

Yes go dark....

Let the papers speak for you.


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> Pbar,
> 
> He's not sure he wants to divorce.


Oh, I understand... Just seemed to be a toothless ultimatum, if no one had filed yet.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Then stop allowing it.
> 
> Yes go dark....
> 
> Let the papers speak for you.


Mine did the exact same thing this weekend.

MrsCeegee: You can relay to the attorneys that they can cancel the meeting on Wednesday.

Ceegee: No, if you want to cancel then you cancel.


----------



## Conrad

ceegee said:


> mine did the exact same thing this weekend.
> 
> Mrsceegee: You can relay to the attorneys that they can cancel the meeting on wednesday.
> 
> Ceegee: No, if you want to cancel then you cancel.


yes...yes...yes....


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

I'm curious. You are not sure you want to D or you are just dealing with the normal and expected anxiety surrounding the finality of M. Filing for D. 

During 2nd separation I stalled filling. Back then I really didn't want to D. I kept waiting for her to turn it around.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> RG,
> 
> I'm curious. You are not sure you want to D or you are just dealing with the normal and expected anxiety surrounding the finality of M. Filing for D.
> 
> During 2nd separation I stalled filling. Back then I really didn't want to D. I kept waiting for her to turn it around.


Script,

She's leaving him no choice by not producing the data.

She's calling his bluff.

It's time for him to swiftly turn the tables and call hers.


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> RG,
> 
> I'm curious. You are not sure you want to D or you are just dealing with the normal and expected anxiety surrounding the finality of M. Filing for D.
> 
> During 2nd separation I stalled filling. Back then I really didn't want to D. I kept waiting for her to turn it around.


Script, I think its the wear and tear of the entire ordeal.

I mean, their is a template for all of this in NYC. It's not like I am making this up.

My lawyer told me that her lawyer agreed to everything - now she is saying that he recommended that she take me to court?

Wear and Tear.


----------



## hope4family

Lawyers got to get paid too. 

Sorry ReGroup. 

Call her bluff. She is holding you hostage.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She's leaving him no choice by not producing the data.
> 
> She's calling his bluff.
> 
> It's time for him to swiftly turn the tables and call hers.


Unfortunately yes this is all true.

She's not going to provide the documents, is threatening court and is lying.

Time to call her bluff.

See where she really stands.


----------



## Lifescript

Is her lawyer in on her games too? I guess. Why would he tell your lawyer they agree to the terms and then she is changing her tune? 

All the games are so taxing. Call her bluff.


----------



## ReGroup

This is what I don't get.

I am not losing a dime out of this. I am at a fix rate with my guy (EAP)...

I am not losing - she is. 

If a settlement is not in place by the time school is finished, she'll have to pay out of her pocket if she is working and puts D4 in DayCare - I am not paying.

I don't call her
I don't text her
I don't email her

She has nothing to gain by dragging this thing out.

She has an endless reserve for this type of craziness.


----------



## Pbartender

*Twisting*, by They Might Be Giants

_She set your goldfish free, and now she's sighing. Blew out your pilot light, and made a wish. She doesn't have to have her dB's record back now, but there's not a lot of things that she'll take back.

She wants to see you again. She wants to see you again, slowly twisting in the wind... Twisting, twisting in the wind.

She's not your satellite. She doesn't miss you. So, turn off your smoke machine, and Marshall stack. She doesn't have to have her Young Fresh Fellows tape back now, but there's not a lot of things that she'll take back.

She wants to see you again. She wants to see you again, slowly twisting in the wind... Twisting, twisting in the wind.

She wants to see you again. She wants to see you again, slowly twisting in the wind... Twisting, twisting in the wind._


----------



## Mavash.

When is school finished?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> When is school finished?


June 30th.


----------



## aug

ReGroup said:


> *My lawyer told me that her lawyer agreed to everything* - now she is saying that he recommended that she take me to court?



If her lawyer and yours already agreed to the terms, then they are binding. Your lawyer is your legal representative, and so hers is her rep. If both lawyers agreed to something then it's done. If you carry on negotiations behind your lawyer's back then you undermine your lawyer and yourself.


----------



## ReGroup

I didn't carry on negotiations behind his back. 

They agreed in principle. 

What was brought fwd to my attention yesterday was the same halfazz amended settlement offer from February.


----------



## Pbartender

aug said:


> If her lawyer and yours already agreed to the terms, then they are binding.


Nothing is binding until it's down in print, signed, notarized and filed with the courts.



aug said:


> Your lawyer is your legal representative, and so hers is her rep. If both lawyers agreed to something then it's done.


Her lawyer is not the one getting divorced. She is. She's the one who has to agree. She should be making the decisions, not her lawyer. Moreover, a judge has to agree to it.

She and her lawyer on not on the same page... That's bad for her.



aug said:


> If you carry on negotiations behind your lawyer's back then you undermine your lawyer and yourself.


Good lawyers will encourage this, actually... It saves a lot of time and money for the clients, and saves a lot of work and hassle for the lawyers.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I didn't carry on negotiations behind his back.
> 
> They agreed in principle.
> 
> What was brought fwd to my attention yesterday was the same halfazz amended settlement offer from February.


Time for shock and awe brother.

Take charge and show her who you are - once and for all.


----------



## aug

Pbartender said:


> Nothing is binding until it's down in print, signed, notarized and filed with the courts.
> 
> 
> 
> Her lawyer is not the one getting divorced. She is. She's the one who has to agree. She should be making the decisions, not her lawyer. Moreover, a judge has to agree to it.
> 
> She and her lawyer on not on the same page... That's bad for her.
> 
> 
> 
> Good lawyers will encourage this, actually... It saves a lot of time and money for the clients, and saves a lot of work and hassle for the lawyers.


Examples...

Can An Attorney Bind A Client To A Settlement Agreement Even If The Client Did Not Agree? : Connecticut Business Litigation Blog

So then, itâ€™s settled: Or is it? | | Campbell Law ObserverCampbell Law Observer

http://www.law.ua.edu/pubs/jlp/files/issues_files/vol03/vol03art09.pdf

Probably does not apply well within family law.


----------



## Pbartender

aug said:


> Examples...
> 
> Probably does not apply well within family law.


No, probably doesn't but it's interesting, nonetheless... mostly a big mess.

That's why you have to be careful, when you pick your lawyer... I like mine, because he's very careful to communicate with me so that I know what he's up to, and I'm very careful to communicate with him so he can accurately represent me. I don't have to worry about these sorts of messes with him, because we're both on the same page... He lets me review every official correspondence he sends before he sends it, and I give him detailed feedback, thoughts and suggestions on it all.

A good example was our pre-trial meeting a week and a half ago... We went in to get the judge's recommendation on child support, which we couldn't agree on. AXW and I had agreed to abide by the judge's decision, but... I warned my lawyer ahead of time that if the decision went heavily against me, I'd want to revisit some things we had already agreed on -- possession of the house, debt allocation and the like. And he warned her lawyer.

No big deal... Of course, I wasn't being a jerk about reopening negotiations, either, like some of the people in those examples. That makes a big difference.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> Time for shock and awe brother.
> 
> Take charge and show her who you are - once and for all.


Conrad is right RG

It is time for the legal b!tch slap.

But you have to want to do this.


----------



## ReGroup

happyman64 said:


> Conrad is right RG
> 
> It is time for the legal b!tch slap.
> 
> But you have to want to do this.


I asked my guy to push things through.

I sent him my W-2 forms earlier today. He hasn't gotten a response from the other side and he said to not worry abot her W-2 forms that he will take care of it.

I feel like I am cracking. 

Many times I feel overly confident that things are headed in the right the direction but today I feel like crap.

I am well below 50k.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I feel like I am cracking.
> 
> Many times I feel overly confident that things are headed in the right the direction but today I feel like crap.
> 
> I am well below 50k.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's okay. Today was an emotional day for you and I'd be surprised if you didn't feel like crap.

Being zen doesn't mean you are permanently at 50k it means you recognize when you aren't and you course correct when you're able.

I guarantee you aren't cracking.

You've come too far for that.

Be kind to yourself and you will be back to 50k in no time.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> It's okay. Today was an emotional day for you and I'd be surprised if you didn't feel like crap.
> 
> Being zen doesn't mean you are permanently at 50k it means you recognize when you aren't and you course correct when you're able.
> 
> I guarantee you aren't cracking.
> 
> You've come too far for that.
> 
> Be kind to yourself and you will be back to 50k in no time.


Guaranteed. The best time for strength is when you feel weak.


----------



## Awakening2012

Hey RG - 

Hope you are hanging in there. I cannot beleive the Rangers fired Tortorella! Caps did the same to Bruce Boudreau -- axed him after another failed post-season run. Now he's doing handily with the Anaheim Ducks -- though they just fell to the Redwings. I'll miss JT's grimaces at the Verizon Center  

Cheers, - A12


----------



## Conrad

Awakening2012 said:


> Hey RG -
> 
> Hope you are hanging in there. I cannot beleive the Rangers fired Tortorella! Caps did the same to Bruce Boudreau -- axed him after another failed post-season run. Now he's doing handily with the Anaheim Ducks -- though they just fell to the Redwings. I'll miss JT's grimaces at the Verizon Center
> 
> Cheers, - A12


Damn, if the Rangers fired their guy, I suppose the Caps had to fire theirs.


----------



## Awakening2012

Conrad said:


> Damn, if the Rangers fired their guy, I suppose the Caps had to fire theirs.


Caps went through two caoches since Boudreau left, and neither one has been able to take the team very deep into the post-season. Not sure what management is going to do in re: Adam Oates. Dale Hunter (Oates predecessor) went back to Ontario to coah minor league. Both were former Caps players. Maybe they need to quit hiring head coaches who were former Caps players -- hey, maybe Tortorella! 

I'm worried about ReGroup, he's be awfully silent. ReGroup are you there?

Cheers, - A12


----------



## Conrad

When abused spouses get quiet, it's usually a bad thing.


----------



## Chuck71

Speaking about Met fans.........who was the most wasted talent, Darryl Strawberry or (DWI) ght Gooden? My vote is Gooden. 300 wins.....easy. Didn't even reach 200. Had 126 after 1990 and he was what, 25, 26?


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Speaking about Met fans.........who was the most wasted talent, Darryl Strawberry or (DWI) ght Gooden? My vote is Gooden. 300 wins.....easy. Didn't even reach 200. Had 126 after 1990 and he was what, 25, 26?


Pitchers that throw well over 200 innings year in and year out before they turn 25 don't last very long.

(Cocaine or no cocaine)


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Pitchers that throw well over 200 innings year in and year out before they turn 25 don't last very long.
> 
> (Cocaine or no cocaine)


What about
Tom Seaver
Jim Palmer
Fergie Jenkins
Bert Blylevin
Jim Kaat

but....that was the Golden Age


----------



## GutPunch

Dwight Gooden definitely
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

RG is MIA and his thread is now an MLB chat room


----------



## Lifescript

There are plenty of guys who throw 200+ innings every year: Verlander, King Felix, Jon Lester, Sabathia, etc. 

Not many but there are some.


----------



## tom67

Lifescript said:


> There are plenty of guys who throw 200+ innings every year: Verlander, King Felix, Jon Lester, Sabathia, etc.
> 
> Not many but there are some.


Some of it today I believe is because agents interfere if they have alittle ouchy they go on the dl.


----------



## Chuck71

In the Golden Age, 300 innings was a usual. Last to throw 300+, Steve Carlton, 1980. Today, complete games, shutouts, 250 IP are gone. 5 man rotations lol, last 4 man rotation was Toronto in 1987. I thank God I caught the tail end of some GREAT careers in early 80s

Orioles 1971........4v 20-game winners.......... eric to fifth degree


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



tom67 said:


> Some of it today I believe is because agents interfere if they have alittle ouchy they go on the dl.


I think so too. Players' health has become a huge issue because of the absurd amount of money given in free agency.


----------



## Chuck71

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


----------



## Awakening2012

Where is RG?! Hope he resurfaces with an update -- just sayin'

Best - A12


----------



## Conrad

Awakening2012 said:


> Where is RG?! Hope he resurfaces with an update -- just sayin'
> 
> Best - A12


He bumped my trigger thread.

I think you'll like that one.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> There are plenty of guys who throw 200+ innings every year: Verlander, King Felix, Jon Lester, Sabathia, etc.
> 
> Not many but there are some.


You stretch young arms out that way at your peril.

Over 25, abuse away


----------



## ReGroup

Ahhhhhh... The baseball talk... Loving it.

Thanks for asking A12, I have been well... 

Doing a lot of thinking recently - positive thinking.

Don't know how to articulate it yet though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BURNT KEP

Conrad said:


> You stretch young arms out that way at your peril.
> 
> Over 25, abuse away


You need to watch out for certain managers because they can care less about a guys future. Look at the Joba rules they knew Torre would destroy him if he had his way. Also Dusty Baker did a job on Prior.


----------



## ReGroup

My friends and I use the name "Dusty" as a verb these days.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

RG! Thanks for checking in -- glad you are Ok and would love to hear your latest when you are up to it! 

Hope you are we'll, I know you've been through the wringer :-(

Cheers, A12


----------



## Bullwinkle

Yeah, Group, give us something to chew on. Maybe a tortured phone call with MRS RG.


----------



## ReGroup

No Winks,

She's actually trying to be kind and courteous.
Even explained why she didn't pick up my phone call today for D4 at the scheduled time and offered to call me later and followed through.
She even threw in a joke during the phone call. 

I don't want to be friends with her but cordial.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Wow. What's she up to? Are you suspicious of her intentions?


----------



## ReGroup

Don't know.

Either way, I am ready.

She might be trying smoothen things to lay way for a better co parenting scenario or had a really good time with me on Monday where she thinks I'll soften up a bit.

Hopefully it's the first, because the 2nd will never occur again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

My money is on her trying to soften you up, get your guard down, draw you in like the black widow spider, then devour you like a dog with a hambone.


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> My money is on her trying to soften you up, get your guard down, draw you in like the black widow spider, then devour you like a dog with a hambone.


I'm cynical today. My money's on softening you up for something too. 

After 10 months I have finally received "most" of the credit card statements I've been asking for. As suspected, 10's of thousands of dollars spent on new clothes for her. Mostly Banana Republic and Ann Taylor. Noticeably missing is itemized statement including a $2,000 charge on her Discover card and $700 charge on her Sears card.


----------



## 06Daddio08

My money's on not sitting around wasting time focusing on things that may not happen. Assuming the "worst" in scenarios yet to be played out.


----------



## Conrad

06Daddio08 said:


> My money's on not sitting around wasting time focusing on things that may not happen. Assuming the "worst" in scenarios yet to be played out.


WELCOME BACK! (again)


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> WELCOME BACK! (again)


Welcome Back Kotter - Theme Song - YouTube


----------



## Ceegee

06Daddio08 said:


> My money's on not sitting around wasting time focusing on things that may not happen. Assuming the "worst" in scenarios yet to be played out.


True dat.


----------



## ReGroup

I had a conversation with my boss yesterday, one that struck a chord with me.

The gist of it being, "RG, I believe in you"...

Why I bring this up is because I have given her every reason NOT to believe in me.
When things go bad, shamefully I take it everywhere... Including my job - sadly, I took it there last year.

That conversation got me thinking... What am I waiting for? Here I am trying to land counter punches, when I should take what's mine: The life that I deserve.

The training wheels are coming off. I am sick of this BS. It's time.

We'll continue having fun with my wife... And focus on my progress as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I had a conversation with my boss yesterday, one that struck a chord with me.
> 
> The gist of it being, "RG, I believe in you"...
> 
> Why I bring this up is because I have given her every reason NOT to believe in me.
> When things go bad, shamefully I take it everywhere... Including my job - sadly, I took it there last year.
> 
> That conversation got me thinking... What am I waiting for? Here I am trying to land counter punches, when I should take what's mine: The life that I deserve.
> 
> The training wheels are coming off. I am sick of this BS. It's time.
> 
> We'll continue having fun with my wife... And focus on my progress as well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now you're talking.


----------



## Chuck71

Dusty Baker was nick'd Widowmaker, after overworking several young arms. 

Speaking of widowmakers, Group you are moving into an area where you will see peace. Something like when Neo stopped dodging bullets and started stopping them. You have the gift....now you realize it. Mrs. RG 'should' fold tent now, she can't win


----------



## Bullwinkle

Chuck is right again, Group, and kudos to Mets sweeping Yankees.


----------



## Awakening2012

Ceegee said:


> I'm cynical today. My money's on softening you up for something too.
> 
> After 10 months I have finally received "most" of the credit card statements I've been asking for. As suspected, 10's of thousands of dollars spent on new clothes for her. Mostly Banana Republic and Ann Taylor. Noticeably missing is itemized statement including a $2,000 charge on her Discover card and $700 charge on her Sears card.


OMG!!!! Ugh.  Sorry to hear of the financial irresponsibilty on her part.


----------



## Chuck71

CG ask lawyer what could happen if you stop those payments (if they are in her name) after D is final. Decree could say you should pay BUT the CC companies will go after her. Also try this on her

"I refuse to pay for clothes you wore to entice and bang POSOMs"


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I had a conversation with my boss yesterday, one that struck a chord with me.
> 
> The gist of it being, "RG, I believe in you"...
> 
> Why I bring this up is because I have given her every reason NOT to believe in me.
> When things go bad, shamefully I take it everywhere... Including my job - sadly, I took it there last year.
> 
> That conversation got me thinking... What am I waiting for? Here I am trying to land counter punches, when I should take what's mine: The life that I deserve.
> 
> The training wheels are coming off. I am sick of this BS. It's time.
> 
> We'll continue having fun with my wife... And focus on my progress as well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes....Yes.....Yes.....


----------



## Lifescript

Hey RG,

Sent you a PM bud. Please reply when you get a chance.

How about those Mets, huh! 4 game SWEEEP! 

Thanks,


----------



## ReGroup

Nothing to report...

Smooth sailing. With my daughter this weekend and enjoying ourselves.

We had too good of a time last night with our Soccer Parent friends... They woke up too tired to make it to Soccer this morning and they are our ride.

No problem, we'll head to the park instead.

Mrs. RG caught wind that we didn't go and asked that I call her via text. No thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Nothing to report...
> 
> Smooth sailing. With my daughter this weekend and enjoying ourselves.
> 
> We had too good of a time last night with our Soccer Parent friends... They woke up too tired to make it to Soccer this morning and they are our ride.
> 
> No problem, we'll head to the park instead.
> 
> Mrs. RG caught wind that we didn't go and asked that I call her via text. No thank you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Her spies must have filled her in.


----------



## Chuck71

as always, QL MUST know where you are at ALL TIMES

God help her if you met a Carrie from King of Queens!


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Good morning RG

D4's last day of school is on June 12th and will be a half day...I will be working until the end of the month and then for the month of July. I am currently working to find an acceptable day care. I would like to know if you are able to assist in helping find someone to*watch* D4 or the rest of that week, unless I am able to find a day care. Also, I would like to know if you are willing to assist in paying for the day care and if so, how much, since I gather that you do not feel that you should be paying 50% (even though we pretty much make the same amount now.) Let me know your thoughts please. Thank you. *

* This one is tricky. Very tricky. No settlement in place, so I am not obligated to fork over more than my 17 pct. 

* If she works in July I am going to ask for time sheets or nothing gets paid.

How should I approach this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

she wants your mom to sit D4, but will not ask

she wants you to offer

as for daycare, 17% and half outside costs

if D4 has daycare in place, send funds to the day care

not to QL

or.......use this as a way to get her income papers

call to verify where D4 will stay and cost

if you mention your mother, you are the fixer again, let QL bring it up


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> she wants your mom to sit D4, but will not ask
> 
> she wants you to offer
> 
> as for daycare, 17% and half outside costs
> 
> if D4 has daycare in place, send funds to the day care
> 
> not to QL
> 
> or.......use this as a way to get her income papers
> 
> call to verify where D4 will stay and cost
> 
> if you mention your mother, you are the fixer again, let QL bring it up


Sound advice Chucky...

I'll do that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> she wants your mom to sit D4, but will not ask
> 
> she wants you to offer
> 
> as for daycare, 17% and half outside costs
> 
> if D4 has daycare in place, send funds to the day care
> 
> not to QL
> 
> or.......use this as a way to get her income papers
> 
> call to verify where D4 will stay and cost
> 
> if you mention your mother, you are the fixer again, let QL bring it up


I agree 100% Chuck.

I have the exact same thing going on right now. Currently in stalemate.

MrsCeegee: D6 wants to do both sessions of ballet camp this summer and I was going to sign her up for now for the discounted rate. One is the week of June 10th and one session is the week of July 22nd.

Ceegee: Sounds great.

The other kids are going to a camp at her work. She did not tell me about that one. She is only telling me about this one because she doesn't know how she's going to get D6 picked up in the afternoon. She's waiting for me to offer my mom's services or for me to pick her up myself. This was written in February.


----------



## Chuck71

CG She wants to know you're still there for her

through the kids, she even wants your mom at her whim

either offer, favor for favor, pick up for pick up

or say "your time with kids are your responsibility

picking them up is not my concern when they are with you"


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> CG She wants to know you're still there for her
> 
> through the kids, she even wants your mom at her whim
> 
> either offer, favor for favor, pick up for pick up
> 
> or say "your time with kids are your responsibility
> 
> picking them up is not my concern when they are with you"


I'm waiting for her to ask - she will eventually. 

Her only other option is to have her mom pick them up. She is legally blind, mentally unstable and has attempted suicide twice. 

If she chooses this route I will have the attorneys on it quick. Then I'll use this as a reason to put it in the decree that she can never drive my children anywhere.


----------



## Chuck71

CG you're on it! Yeah I can tell you want your MiL around kids

the vision is bearable, the mental instability, the kids need not see

One theme I continue to see is the lack of responsibility

lack of accountability and poor priorities


----------



## ReGroup

What do you guys think???

Me: I can request to take off on June 14th. I can let you know by the end of this week.

Keep me posted on what you find in terms of daycare. 

I’d like to have the pro – rated rate worked out by this time.

If you are working during the Summer I would like some sort of verification of the days and times that you’re working – weekly time sheets for examples.


----------



## Chuck71

let's see what she says in response


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: I cant give you weekly time sheets because thats not an option that I have...I guess I can make a photo copy of my time card but I wouldnt be able to give you that you until I complete a week...

Im waiting on you for all this stuff or for your lawyer to get in touch with mine...how will it be pro-rated? my 2012 income was $xx,xxx...

RG: That works for me. You can fax that stuff over to me before each pay period and I will release the necessary funds.

It is your responsibility to get a hold of your attorney. My lawyer is waiting for a response. We are ready to move this along.

* She offered up her salary for 2012. We make around the same sum. If a settlement isn't reached, I'm not releasing an extra dime.


----------



## Mavash.

I wouldn't pay a dime over the 17% until a settlement is in place including set in stone times you get your daughter.

Don't forget this is the same rotten woman using your daughter as a pawn.

At least now you know why she's been nice to you lately.

She needs you.


----------



## GutPunch

I know I have asked this 100 times.

Why do you have to pay more than 17% once the divorce is final?

Is this what New York requires you to pay or is this what doormat ReGroup agreed to in the beginning of this when Mrs. RG had complete control over the entire situation. 

She seems all about the money to me.

I would not give her one red cent more than what the state of NY requires. Especially after the kidnapping stunt.


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> I know I have asked this 100 times.
> 
> Why do you have to pay more than 17% once the divorce is final?
> 
> Is this what New York requires you to pay or is this what doormat ReGroup agreed to in the beginning of this when Mrs. RG had complete control over the entire situation.
> 
> She seems all about the money to me.
> 
> I would not give her one red cent more than what the state of NY requires. Especially after the kidnapping stunt.


Script and I will have to deal with this.

Mrs. RG works for the schools. September - June.

If she picks up a gig over the Summer and has to put D4 in child care... I am obligated to pay the prorated rate of the cost - that's on top of the 17%.

But... no settlement, no additional funds.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Script and I will have to deal with this.
> 
> Mrs. RG works for the schools. September - June.
> 
> If she picks up a gig over the Summer and has to put D4 in child care... I am obligated to pay the prorated rate of the cost - that's on top of the 17%.
> 
> But... no settlement, no additional funds.


But, but she and posOM have big plans this summer.

She needs that money for child care.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> But, but she and posOM have big plans this summer.
> 
> She needs that money for child care.


Despising her more and more Chip.

I am not the vengeful or spiteful type... This woman is giving me reasons to.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Group, you need to learn to let this anger go, find inner peace, blah, blah, blah.....


----------



## Chuck71

Can't turn over her check stubs........B...F.....S

as with PBs psycho AXW, wanted the moon

got a nice picture of it

she is withholding it for a reason, spring the reason

if she hands in a time shhet, then back date it every two weeks


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: I have no problem getting in touch with my attorney...have yours call mine...they are in the office...my attorney is not reaching out anymore, he said.

:scratchhead:


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: I have no problem getting in touch with my attorney...have yours call mine...they are in the office...my attorney is not reaching out anymore, he said.
> 
> :scratchhead:


Did she have a stroke?


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Did she have a stroke?


I guess she only wants 17pct... That will motivate her some more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: I have no problem getting in touch with my attorney...have yours call mine...they are in the office...my attorney is not reaching out anymore, he said.
> 
> :scratchhead:


Still stalling.

File for divorce and subpeona the info you need.


----------



## Chuck71

still emails but your lawyer call mine

stalling........she does not think you have the balls to file

LOL.....poor sh!t won't know what hit her

get down n dirty, then.....let us see her rebuttle


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: I have no problem getting in touch with my attorney...have yours call mine...they are in the office...my attorney is not reaching out anymore, he said.
> 
> :scratchhead:


Playing devils advocate here.

My friends ex husband had what she thought was an idiot attorney but in hindsight she was brilliant.

She, his attorney, stalled the D long enough that when they did settle she was so ready to be done she settled for minimum.

Mrs RG is stalling.

I think she believes if she holds out long enough you will sign whatever rediculous agreement she puts in front of her.

You will then pay her to leave you.


----------



## GutPunch

With ReGroup paying essentially less than he has too. That is fixing to backfire big time.

I would stick it out for the summer. 

Then file when school starts back.

If this is a game to her, then play to win.


----------



## Mavash.

GutPunch said:


> With ReGroup paying essentially less than he has too. That is fixing to backfire big time.
> 
> I would stick it out for the summer.
> 
> Then file when school starts back.
> 
> If this is a game to her, then play to win.


QFT


----------



## Chuck71

but when you play whose game, who has already lost?


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> With ReGroup paying essentially less than he has too. That is fixing to backfire big time.
> 
> I would stick it out for the summer.
> 
> Then file when school starts back.
> 
> If this is a game to her, then play to win.


Punch is on this one.

She's going to go crazy.

Ignore it until the summer's over and have fun with the money you save.


----------



## coachman

If you make the same amount of money and you have 50/50 custody why do you owe her 17%?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Punch is on this one.
> 
> She's going to go crazy.
> 
> Ignore it until the summer's over and have fun with the money you save.


Lol...

Brilliant GP.

As Hannibal Smith would say back in the 80's: I love it when a plan comes together.


----------



## ReGroup

coachman said:


> If you make the same amount of money and you have 50/50 custody why do you owe her 17%?


She's the primary care taker. We'll have joint custody.

I get stuck with 17pct.


----------



## coachman

So why not get joint physical and joint custody and save the 17%?

That doesn't make sense to me that you would have joint custody but agree to her being labeled the "primary".

I could understand the 17% if you made more money but if you make the same their should be no money changing hands except for possibly childcare considerations.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> Brilliant GP.
> 
> As Hannibal Smith would say back in the 80's: I love it when a plan comes together.


Great....I get the feeling we'll be seeing some nasty texts all summer long. 

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm not ok with paying for a divorce I didn't want. 

Her head is gonna explode.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Great....I get the feeling we'll be seeing some nasty texts all summer long.
> 
> I'm sorry you feel that way.
> 
> I'm not ok with paying for a divorce I didn't want.
> 
> Her head is gonna explode.


Popcorn and candy in the side tray.


----------



## ReGroup

Heard from one of our mutual friends that I am stalling on the Divorce front.

Mrs. RG hung out with their spouses and made these claims.

My buddy who once divorced brought it up to me. I showed him the email from Team RG stating: They won't get back to me.

He said: You think she acted crazy before? You haven't seen anything yet... I wan't you to get this thing done and RUN!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Heard from one of our mutual friends that I am stalling on the Divorce front.
> 
> Mrs. RG hung out with their spouses and made these claims.
> 
> My buddy who once divorced brought it up to me. I showed him the email from Team RG stating: They won't get back to me.
> 
> He said: You think she acted crazy before? You haven't seen anything yet... I wan't you to get this thing done and RUN!


Acted?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Acted?


And the Oscar goes to...


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> And the Oscar goes to...


The latina woman in the ER taking pictures of her IV bottle!


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Heard from one of our mutual friends that I am stalling on the Divorce front.
> 
> Mrs. RG hung out with their spouses and made these claims.
> 
> My buddy who once divorced brought it up to me. I showed him the email from Team RG stating: They won't get back to me.
> 
> He said: You think she acted crazy before? You haven't seen anything yet... I wan't you to get this thing done and RUN!


Funny you say that. 

My Lawyers words to me yesterday. 

I'm glad you divorced when you did. "Before she changed her mind."


----------



## Mavash.

Your buddy doesn't realize how many people you have in your corner.

Mrs RG doesn't stand a chance.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> The latina woman in the ER taking pictures of her IV bottle!


I was going to say "best actress in a leading role in her own mind" but this works too.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Your buddy doesn't realize how many people you have in your corner.
> 
> Mrs RG doesn't stand a chance.


The code-breakers break the code for you while you practice doing it on your own.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hi, Group, just checking in. Anything new with Mrs RG? You know we live for this cr*p.


----------



## ReGroup

Bullwinkle said:


> Hi, Group, just checking in. Anything new with Mrs RG? You know we live for this cr*p.


Nothing to report Moose Man... calm seas until next week when she'll ask to split daycare cost "while she's working". 

No settlement, no extra money.

So we are at a stand still until then. 

20 minutes ago I get a phone call from Mrs. RG's number. I was working so couldn't pick it up.

I checked the VM and it's D4 stating: Papi, I want to live with you. Papi, I want to live with you. Papi, I want to live with you.

She probably felt the wrath of Mrs. RG.

Crushing. But like Mavi states - we can not own people's problems, even it is our kids.


----------



## catcalls

is there a reason you are not applying for primary custody of your daughter? or is it because you have no chance legally? she is probably feeling the brunt of Mrs. RG's moods. must be a relief for her when she is with you, yet she probably feels disloyal to her mum if she expresses her feelings of wanting to be with dad


----------



## ReGroup

catcalls said:


> is there a reason you are not applying for primary custody of your daughter? or is it because you have no chance legally? she is probably feeling the brunt of Mrs. RG's moods. must be a relief for her when she is with you, yet she probably feels disloyal to her mum if she expresses her feelings of wanting to be with dad


I wouldn't stand a chance. Unless she picks up a drug habit and/or gets in the habit of commiting crimes - it'll continue to be status quo.

This isn't the first time D4 has requested this. She's mentioned it to Mrs. RG a few times before. 

I was then accused of doing "too many" fun activities when I am with her.

But we know what that statement is really about.


----------



## Lifescript

Mine doesn't like the fact that DS seems to like being with me more. I don't think so but she keeps pointing it out. 

I would question each time your daughter says stuff like that. I once caught MIL telling DS to tell me he wanted me to go come back to the house. Very sneaky


----------



## Ceegee

RG, what is being proposed for possession? What will your summers look like?


----------



## ReGroup

Summer will be status quo. No changes.

Mrs. RG: Are you going to see D4 this weekend or no?

RG: Defer to the cozi calendar.

She will be picked up today at 9am.

Mrs. RG: Is it necessary to be rude? I am only confirming because you are not consistent and before this girl gets excited only to be let down I want to know for sure.

(Ignored)

Mrs. RG: Why is there only ***** in the joint bank account?

(Ignored)

- We receive text messages for the bank summaries. I paid my portion of support last night. The text only showed a certain amount.
She can find that out herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

That woman is [email protected]


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hey, Group. VI Bride is right, Mrs RG is relentless. 

What exactly is her status with OM, Ive lost the bubble on it.


----------



## ReGroup

I never ask. 

She is relentless... Like VI says.

It's amusing at this point. I'll continue to ignore her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

I understand. 

But do you have moments like me where the silence and the ignoring her drive you insane and you want to engage her, even if it's a mistake?


----------



## Ceegee

You should be able to get her more in the summer if it works for you. 

I get mine for all of July. STBX had the option for one weekend in between but failed to send in her request by the deadline. Sh/t will hit the fan when she realizes. We have 2 with birthdays in July.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Bullwinkle said:


> I understand.
> 
> But do you have moments like me where the silence and the ignoring her drive you insane and you want to engage her, even if it's a mistake?


In other words you engage just enough to provoke a reaction, giving you something to "blame" her for down the road. Rather than leaving things be when it's quiet.


----------



## RSFWID

06Daddio08 said:


> In other words you engage just enough to provoke a reaction, giving you something to "blame" her for down the road. Rather than leaving things be when it's quiet.


Have mediation on Wednesday , don't know if I'm ready for this. I have no job and no Money to move. What should I do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

RSFWID said:


> Have mediation on Wednesday , don't know if I'm ready for this. I have no job and no Money to move. What should I do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Proceed like you don't have a care in the world.

She wants this divorce, she pays for it: I am not ok paying for a divorce that I do not want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

The TAM tips are slowly paying off in droves...

Mrs. RG: What does your time frame look like with D4? I need a time frame to organize my day.

RG: 3pm pick up. I have plans afterwards.

Mrs. RG: I can't make it until 4pm. RG, we need to communicate more. It's not fair to either of us in making plans or having plans to find last minute about times.

RG: "3pm" is your suggested default pick up time.

It is your responsibility to inform me if you are running late or need an extension.

Mrs. RG: I know I am informing you a 3pm as a suggestion and should be confirmed weekly. Unless you want to "default" 3pm to each week, we can agree to that.

I don't want to cut into your time with D4 which is why I am asking, but next week we can get into the 3pm standard.

Also RG, it's part of communication - which you do not want to do with me.

Can I request a 4pm extension?

RG: 3pm will be the standard. See you at 4.

* Though I gave her the extra hour, I'll benefit from spending more time with my little monster.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

On a sadder note... D4.5 is still pee'ing on herself constantly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Exchange just took place:

"Why can't we be cool?"
"Why do you have to answer your text in that manner?"
"Why can't we be on better terms?"

Just received a text: I would appreciate it if you didn't walk away from me when I am talking to you. There is no need to be rude.

Truthfully, I can't stand the sight of her anymore. I wish we could use teleportation to do these exchanges.

And I wasn't rude... I answered D4 related questions and left the other nonsense up in the air.

I will ignore that text.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Exchange just took place:
> 
> "Why can't we be cool?"
> "Why do you have to answer your text in that manner?"
> "Why can't we be on better terms?"
> 
> Just received a text: I would appreciate it if you didn't walk away from me when I am talking to you. There is no need to be rude.
> 
> Truthfully, I can't stand the sight of her anymore. I wish we could use teleportation to do these exchanges.
> 
> And I wasn't rude... I answered D4 related questions and left the other nonsense up in the air.
> 
> I will ignore that text.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you did the right thing. 

She is wanting to put you in a place to convince you how wrong you are. 

Stick to keeping it about the children. Anything outside of that, and primarily anything inside of that also needs texts or written communication only.


----------



## ReGroup

H4F, you are exactly right. I step on one of those land mines and I would find myself explaining and eventually apologizing.

It's amusing how the word "rude" could ever come out of her mouth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> On a sadder note... D4.5 is still pee'ing on herself constantly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No worries. My son was almost seven before he stopped.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Exchange just took place:
> 
> "Why can't we be cool?"
> "Why do you have to answer your text in that manner?"
> "Why can't we be on better terms?"
> 
> Just received a text: I would appreciate it if you didn't walk away from me when I am talking to you. There is no need to be rude.
> 
> Truthfully, I can't stand the sight of her anymore. I wish we could use teleportation to do these exchanges.
> 
> And I wasn't rude... I answered D4 related questions and left the other nonsense up in the air.
> 
> I will ignore that text.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Crazy woman translation: 

why can't I dump on you? 
Why can't you kiss my ass? 
Why can't you enable me?

And I'd appreciate if you didn't walk away while I'm blame shifting and dumping on you.

Ignore indeed.


----------



## hope4family

Mavash. said:


> Crazy woman translation:
> 
> why can't I dump on you?
> Why can't you kiss my ass?
> Why can't you enable me?
> 
> And I'd appreciate if you didn't walk away while I'm blame shifting and dumping on you.
> 
> Ignore indeed.


It's just like my ex-wife. 

SMH. 

Glad to be away from it. Apologetic for my son.


----------



## happyman64

I still think it is cute that your D calls you "Papi"!


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Morning RG, 
What happened to your lawyer writing up a proposal?
What is going on with everything? 

RG: Good Morning Mrs. RG, 

xxxx's Fax is xxx-xxx-xxxx and [email protected] - if you want to remind your lawyer of xxxx's contact info please do so...

Your lawyer hasn't responded to Team RG's request for information, information needed to proceed with the Divorce.

Following information is needed:
1. His latest proposal: Stipulation of Settlement
2. Defendant's Affidavit

Please Mrs. RG, light a fire on this guy's azz... have him send the documentations. 

- It's a damn stand off.


----------



## Ceegee

Ground Hog Day.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Morning RG,
> What happened to your lawyer writing up a proposal?
> What is going on with everything?
> 
> RG: Good Morning Mrs. RG,
> 
> xxxx's Fax is xxx-xxx-xxxx and [email protected] - if you want to remind your lawyer of xxxx's contact info please do so...
> 
> Your lawyer hasn't responded to Team RG's request for information, information needed to proceed with the Divorce.
> 
> Following information is needed:
> 1. His latest proposal: Stipulation of Settlement
> 2. Defendant's Affidavit
> 
> Please Mrs. RG, light a fire on this guy's azz... have him send the documentations.
> 
> - It's a damn stand off.


Yes, yes, but you're the one who doesn't have to pay daycare over the summer due to stand-off.

So, stand-off away!


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: RG, 
As per our conversation May 31st, Memorial Day, you told me that your lawyer was going to "take over things" and rewrite the stip, etc....I have been following up with you ever since, aside from that, given this email response now, I have reached out to my attorney and he told me that he would be forwarding what has been requested to Team RG, ie the stip and affidavit. 

RG: I appreciate it very much. Thank you. I'll tell Team RG to look out for it. 

Mrs. RG: ok


----------



## PieceOfSky

ReGroup said:


> On a sadder note... D4.5 is still pee'ing on herself constantly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it traumatic for her (embarrassing)?

This might be worth a look. Even IF it's the kind she will just have to grow out of, sounds like there are things that can be done now to minimize occurrences. 

http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/uichildren/


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: RG,
> As per our conversation May 31st, Memorial Day, you told me that your lawyer was going to "take over things" and rewrite the stip, etc....I have been following up with you ever since, aside from that, given this email response now, I have reached out to my attorney and he told me that he would be forwarding what has been requested to Team RG, ie the stip and affidavit.
> 
> RG: I appreciate it very much. Thank you. I'll tell Team RG to look out for it.
> 
> Mrs. RG: ok


Put this in your 30 day file.

She'll send you the exact same message on July 10th


----------



## ReGroup

ReGroup said:


> I have been following up with you ever since, aside from that, given this email response now, I have reached out to my attorney and he told me that he would be forwarding what has been requested to Team RG, ie the stip and affidavit.


It's like she's trying to me and herself that she's moving this thing along. 

She called her lawyer infront of my on 05/31 and left a voicemail - she also sent him a text. 

Then last Monday she says her lawyer isn't going to reach out to mine anymore.

Who is she fooling? Not Us.

Chip... where have you been buddy?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> It's like she's trying to me and herself that she's moving this thing along.
> 
> She called her lawyer infront of my on 05/31 and left a voicemail - she also sent him a text.
> 
> Then last Monday she says her lawyer isn't going to reach out to mine anymore.
> 
> Who is she fooling? Not Us.
> 
> Chip... where have you been buddy?


Group,

If you can believe it, I was at a "Just for Women" show in a large midwestern city.

My job was to introduce my wife's line of body products to every woman there with whom I came in contact.

My assignment was to check out every woman there - and approach those that seemed like good buy candidates.

Could have used your help.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Group,
> 
> If you can believe it, I was at a "Just for Women" show in a large midwestern city.
> 
> My job was to introduce my wife's line of body products to every woman there with whom I came in contact.
> 
> My assignment was to check out every woman there - and approach those that seemed like good buy candidates.
> 
> Could have used your help.



I am very good at finding the ones who like to spends tons of money in themselves.


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> Group,
> 
> If you can believe it, I was at a "Just for Women" show in a large midwestern city.
> 
> My job was to introduce my wife's line of body products to every woman there with whom I came in contact.
> 
> My assignment was to check out every woman there - and approach those that seemed like good buy candidates.
> 
> Could have used your help.


I am not ok with you not buying my product.


----------



## vi_bride04

GutPunch said:


> I am not ok with you not buying my product.


:rofl:


----------



## Tron

Give vain women what they want...


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Give vain women what they want...


More money is spent on cosmetics in the US during a calendar year than is given to fight world hunger.


----------



## Ceegee

Tron said:


> Give vain women what they want...


Everything?


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Everything?


Defiant people....

Vain people?

Not so much


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> It's like she's trying to me and herself that she's moving this thing along.
> 
> She called her lawyer infront of my on 05/31 and left a voicemail - she also sent him a text.
> 
> Then last Monday she says her lawyer isn't going to reach out to mine anymore.
> 
> Who is she fooling? Not Us.


It's Not About The Nail - YouTube


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> It's Not About The Nail - YouTube


Freaking awesome.


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> Freaking awesome.


So perfect. 

Notice how when he switches to emotional communication - his version of "I'm sorry you feel that way", her attitude changes.




...but not for long.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> So perfect.
> 
> Notice how when he switches to emotional communication - his version of "I'm sorry you feel that way", her attitude changes.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...but not for long.


Can't say it better than, "so perfect".


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> More money is spent on cosmetics in the US during a calendar year than is given to fight world hunger.


Yeah. I'm interested.


----------



## Tron

HappyKaty said:


> Yeah. I'm interested.


Of course you are!!! . Go sell her some beauty Conrad.
3 women in my house and that is the only category in quicken I try not to pay any attention to at the end of the year.


Z, I don't know how you found that but LMAO.


----------



## HappyKaty

Tron said:


> Of course you are!!! . Go sell her some Conrad.


He's already sold it...I just need to know what I'm buying.


----------



## Pbartender

zillard said:


> It's Not About The Nail - YouTube


And so, of course, we'd all just wait until she was sleeping, and pull out the nail...

And, of course, in the morning she'd blame us for the hole in her forehead.

*#3*


----------



## Ceegee

Pbartender said:


> And so, of course, we'd all just wait until she was sleeping, and pull out the nail...
> 
> And, of course, in the morning she'd blame us for the hole in her forehead.
> 
> *#3*


Head like a hole. 
Black as your soul.
I'd rather die than give you control.


----------



## HappyKaty

Ceegee said:


> Head like a hole.
> Black as your soul.
> I'd rather die than give you control.


NIN!

:smthumbup:


----------



## ReGroup

We are almost there my TAM Brother's and Sisters...

Mrs. RG: Did Team RG receive the paper work?

RG: He hasn't reached out to me today.

I'll call him on my break.

Kudos for getting them over to us.

We'll be prompt with a response.

Mrs. RG: ok

I emailed Team RG giving him the heads up.

Ready To Rock. Strangely getting excited about this A La Happy Katy.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Strangely getting excited about this A La Happy Katy.


It's not strange. 

I spoke with my IC about that. The excitement and feelings of relief while filing, which were part of a larger grab bag. 

He said, of course you feel that way. It's coming to a resolution. Doesn't matter if you wanted it or not, it's being finalized. 


Regardless of who put stone on shoulder, it feels good to put it down.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> We are almost there my TAM Brother's and Sisters...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Did Team RG receive the paper work?
> 
> RG: He hasn't reached out to me today.
> 
> I'll call him on my break.
> 
> Kudos for getting them over to us.
> 
> We'll be prompt with a response.
> 
> Mrs. RG: ok
> 
> I emailed Team RG giving him the heads up.
> 
> Ready To Rock. Strangely getting excited about this A La Happy Katy.


Do you have butterflies? I had butterflies. Best, yet weirdest feeling, ever.


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> It's not strange.
> 
> I spoke with my IC about that. The excitement and feelings of relief while filing, which were part of a larger grab bag.
> 
> He said, of course you feel that way. It's coming to a resolution. Doesn't matter if you wanted it or not, it's being finalized.
> 
> 
> Regardless of who put stone on shoulder, it feels good to put it down.


Yes, I feel like closure is around the corner for me.

Team RG: ok will let you know upon receipt.

:scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> Do you have butterflies? I had butterflies. Best, yet weirdest feeling, ever.


Optimism. 

I feel like things are falling into place even though this wasn't what I originally wanted.


----------



## hope4family

zillard said:


> Regardless of who put stone on shoulder, it feels good to put it down.


Agreed. A tinge of sadness from me as well. But not so bad as originally thought.


----------



## Ceegee

zillard said:


> It's not strange.
> 
> 
> Regardless of who put stone on shoulder, it feels good to put it down.


This is great. Hope you don't mind if I steal it.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: any word?

RG: He has not received anything yet.

"I'll let you know upon receipt." From Team RG.

Was it faxed or emailed? And when exactly?

- No response from her on the details. I am getting a little too ahead of myself. I lack patience when I get excited. Time to relax, ball is on their court for the time being.

Tomorrow is D4's graduation. I'm going to attend.


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: any word?
> 
> RG: He has not received anything yet.
> 
> "I'll let you know upon receipt." From Team RG.
> 
> Was it faxed or emailed? And when exactly?
> 
> - No response from her on the details. I am getting a little too ahead of myself. I lack patience when I get excited. Time to relax, ball is on their court for the time being.
> 
> Tomorrow is D4's graduation. I'm going to attend.


Regardless of whether or not documentation was sent. 

If team RG hasn't gotten it. It's more less business as usual. 

Relax, let her feed you the details. There will come a time to push for details. Now isn't that time.


----------



## happyman64

Do yourself a favor.

Enjoy the graduation tomorrow.

No matter what happens just enjoy it.


----------



## ReGroup

I will enjoy it and attending looking my best.

I will not even sit next to Mrs. RG if I can help it.

Urgh... (over the phone) D4: want to talk to PosOm... Want to talk to PosOm?

More fuel to keep toughening up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I will enjoy it and attending looking my best.
> 
> I will not even sit next to Mrs. RG if I can help it.
> 
> Urgh... (over the phone) D4: want to talk to PosOm... Want to talk to PosOm?
> 
> More fuel to keep toughening up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"No thank you sweetheart"


----------



## ReGroup

I said something similar in Spanish...

She's showing me who she is right Chip?

I'm going to show them who I am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I said something similar in Spanish...
> 
> She's showing me who she is right Chip?
> 
> I'm going to show them who I am.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can tell.


----------



## Lifescript

D was asking if you wanted to talk to posOM? Ugh! That's ****ed up bro.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> D was asking if you wanted to talk to posOM? Ugh! That's ****ed up bro.


How about those Metropolitans, boys?


----------



## ReGroup

The hypocrisy is what annoys me the most.

The b*itching and complaining when I brought female friends around my daughter.

They could do what ever the Hell they want... But this does nothing but confuse this innocent child.

And she's going to take ques from this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> How about those Metropolitans, boys?


Wheeler is set to start in a few days. We have something to look forward to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Wheeler is set to start in a few days. We have something to look forward to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's right. 

Conrad, enjoy your last year of supremacy in the NL. The Mets are about to become a major pain in the ass of all NL teams. 

Harvey, Niese, Wheeler 

add some thump to the lineup and we are good to go. 

Bay, Santana and others come off the books. Time to spend $.


----------



## Conrad

Shelby Miller, Michael Wacha, Adam Wainwright, John Gast...


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Shelby Miller, Michael Wacha, Adam Wainwright, John Gast...


They have Oscar Taveras also - the top minor league prospect.

But... We are The Amazin's!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> They have Oscar Taveras also - the top minor league prospect.
> 
> But... We are The Amazin's!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like sending MisterNiceGuy vs. Venus Fly Trap


----------



## Ceegee

Y'all realize the NBA Championship is playing right now, right? Greatest sports franchise in the modern era.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Y'all realize the NBA Championship is playing right now, right? Greatest sports franchise in the modern era.


You guys better win! I hate The Heat more than The Cardinals... Not really, but I am a huge Knick fan so you understand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Knicks 1999. Yeah.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Knicks 1999. Yeah.


And you were beginning to be one of my favorite guys on TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> You guys better win! I hate The Heat more than The Cardinals... Not really, but I am a huge Knick fan so you understand.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


1-7 since you swept the Spankees?

With 5 losses against the Marlins?

For real?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> 1-7 since you swept the Spankees?
> 
> With 5 losses against the Marlins?
> 
> For real?


Boy, did I take heat for that at work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Keith Butler, Michael Wacha, Shelby Miller, etc.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> And you were beginning to be one of my favorite guys on TAM.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry about that. I actually like the Knicks. When the Knicks are good the NBA is good. They carry a lot of weight in the league.


----------



## Chuck71

I think Miami and Houston should have a crapper series and the loser get thrown out of the league. well that or be forced to watch Bud "Moe Howard" Selig strip on cam for six hours


----------



## Ceegee

Not that any of you guys care but the Spurs have 29 point lead in the fourth.


----------



## Chuck71

would like nothing more than see Spurs take Heat in five. more likely will take them in six. it's an odd-numbered year, they have to win. 1999, 2003, 2005, 2007


Conrad are you still smiling over the Smith for Templeton SS trade?


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> would like nothing more than see Spurs take Heat in five. more likely will take them in six. it's an odd-numbered year, they have to win. 1999, 2003, 2005, 2007
> 
> 
> Conrad are you still smiling over the Smith for Templeton SS trade?


Very rarely in sports do you hear a man willing to put it out there like Herzog:

"I can't win with Templeton, I can win with Smith"

And, win he did.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Very rarely in sports do you hear a man willing to put it out there like Herzog:
> 
> "I can't win with Templeton, I can win with Smith"
> 
> And, win he did.




I seem to recall Garry Temp was a fickle crybaby. Never liked Oz until his last few years. Never agreed how Tony La handled his last year. As if Royce Clayton was the next Ripken......... snubbed Oz in 96 NLCS. But the Braves comeback from 3 games to 1 was epic. Then nailed Yanks in first two games. Game 4 Mark Wholers coughed up the tying HR. Turning point in Series


----------



## tom67

The cardinals and braves keep on bringing up quality pitching every year, wonder why they are always competing.


----------



## Chuck71

1998 Braves still make my head spin. Five 17 game + winners. Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz, Neagle, Millwood. Lost NLCS to Padres. After K Brown, Padres were shakey at best


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> I seem to recall Garry Temp was a fickle crybaby. Never liked Oz until his last few years. Never agreed how Tony La handled his last year. As if Royce Clayton was the next Ripken......... snubbed Oz in 96 NLCS. But the Braves comeback from 3 games to 1 was epic. Then nailed Yanks in first two games. Game 4 Mark Wholers coughed up the tying HR. Turning point in Series


If Squire Tony had only understood that Alan Benes was his best starter.

Of course, LaRussa repeated his typical mistake of shortening his rotation to Andy Benes, Todd Stottlemyre, and Donovan (Donna) Osborne.

Could you be more mediocre than that?

I think the Braves scored 15 runs vs. Stottlemyre on 3 days rest and LaRussa did a re-think. He used Alan Benes in Game #6 and the offense took the day off - Cards lost 2-1.

Game #7?

Donna gave up 15 more runs.

Hideous.


----------



## ReGroup

Pre K Graduation Update...

Ceremony was splendid. Baby girl growing up rapidly.

Mrs.RG wanted to speak afterwards and so we did...

What are we doing about daycare?
How are we paying for it?
Why didn't you let me get the certificate with D4, I was supposed to receive it with her - I do everything for her. (I am sorry you feel that way).

RG: Where are the settlment papers? I want to run it by Team RG. I am requiring invoices from the daycare to figure the rate I am paying.

Mrs. RG: You don't think I want this done? After the way you have treated me? Someone is playing games.

I show her that Team RG has not received anything.

RG: I require the settlement papers to figure out the pro rated rate.

Mrs. RG: You azzhole!!! 

She walks away... I don't chase and just leave.

Missed call from her.

Then a text bombing of epic proportions...

Mrs. RG: 


Your cheapskate ass doesn't have to worry about paying for your daughters daycare. You have some nerve interrogating me like I'm lying about working you ****!
The least you can give to D4s the most I want. You came in there today trying to steal the spotlight like you are dad of the year. You haven't done ****.

And you are having your ***** pick up at a secret location.

I hope you show these messages to your friends. F your balding ass.

Worst thing I did was meet you. The best was leaving your ****** ass.

You bring out the worse in me.

RG: You done?

Mrs RG: FU... You are poison to me you d*ck... My lawyer sent everything. I'm taking you to court on Friday. You *****.

RG: I am not ok with threats.

Mrs. RG: I wish I could kick ass. Consider it all threats ******. Stupid azzhole! You always bring drama! Stealing the spotlight when D4 was getting her certificate. Nothing can be celebrated without drama. So typical of you.

Grow some balls. Having your ***** pick you up to take to work. You ******. You only have balls when you bully me for money.

All I have done is be considerate you ****** ass notch.

I wish I can F you up. I am getting my retro money azzhole.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Pre K Graduation Update...
> 
> Ceremony was splendid. Baby girl growing up rapidly.
> 
> Mrs.RG wanted to speak afterwards and so we did...
> 
> What are we doing about daycare?
> How are we paying for it?
> Why didn't you let me get the certificate with D4, I was supposed to receive it with her - I do everything for her. (I am sorry you feel that way).
> 
> RG: Where are the settlment papers? I want to run it by Team RG. I am requiring invoices from the daycare to figure the rate I am paying.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You don't think I want this done? After the way you have treated me? Someone is playing games.
> 
> I show her that Team RG has not received anything.
> 
> RG: I require the settlement papers to figure out the pro rated rate.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You azzhole!!!
> 
> She walks away... I don't chase and just leave.
> 
> Missed call from her.
> 
> Then a text bombing of epic proportions...
> 
> Mrs. RG:
> 
> 
> Your cheapskate ass doesn't have to worry about paying for your daughters daycare. You have some nerve interrogating me like I'm lying about working you ****!
> The least you can give to D4s the most I want. You came in there today trying to steal the spotlight like you are dad of the year. You haven't done ****.
> 
> And you are having your ***** pick up at a secret location.
> 
> I hope you show these messages to your friends. F your balding ass.
> 
> Worst thing I did was meet you. The best was leaving your ****** ass.
> 
> You bring out the worse in me.
> 
> RG: You done?
> 
> Mrs RG: FU... You are poison to me you d*ck... My lawyer sent everything. I'm taking you to court on Friday. You *****.
> 
> RG: I am not ok with threats.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wish I could kick ass. Consider it all threats ******. Stupid azzhole! You always bring drama! Stealing the spotlight when D4 was getting her certificate. Nothing can be celebrated without drama. So typical of you.
> 
> Grow some balls. Having your ***** pick you up to take to work. You ******. You only have balls when you bully me for money.
> 
> All I have done is be considerate you ****** ass notch.
> 
> I wish I can F you up. I am getting my retro money azzhole.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"I'm not ok with profanity"

ROFLMFAO

Damn, you are calling her bluff.


----------



## zillard

I know you know this, but don't take a single word of that personally.


----------



## catcalls

phew

i dont know how you deal with her without loosing it. so massive congrats to you. i would not know how to deal with her and have learnt a lot from this forum as they have helped you.

she is a really insecure person, is she not? what was your marriage like? she really wants attention from you, positive or negative does not matter.


----------



## zillard

catcalls said:


> she is a really insecure person, is she not?


Yes. And still very emotionally attached to RG.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Yes. And still very emotionally attached to RG.


I'm thinking we refer to Zillard as "Z", and Lifescript as "Script". Group even calls me Chip.

I'm thinking "FAN" is going to be Group's new handle.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Wow.

When she said your "balding azz", was she referring to your head or your actual azz? I'm getting mixed visuals....


----------



## ReGroup

Phew... I didn't feel bad.

I didn't do anything to deserve that. It is funny.

She can despise me all she wants I just want this to be done.

She texted that her lawyer confirmed sending the papers and she wants a response by today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Phew... I didn't feel bad.
> 
> I didn't do anything to deserve that. It is funny.
> 
> She can despise me all she wants I just want this to be done.
> 
> She texted that her lawyer confirmed sending the papers and she wants a response by today.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who cares?

Get to it when your lawyer calls you.


----------



## happyman64

The only response she should get is from the education review board after you report her for spousal abuse.

She has a peculiar sense of "drama".

Her boyfriend must be really stupid if he is still hanging with her.


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> The only response she should get is from the education review board after you report her for spousal abuse.
> 
> She has a peculiar sense of "drama".
> 
> Her boyfriend must be really stupid if he is still hanging with her.


Happy,

Good point.

FAN - start a file on this stuff.


----------



## tom67

Wow! Is she on meth? Are her teeth turning green? Seriously she is not only in left field, she is in the wrong ballpark good God!


----------



## ReGroup

catcalls said:


> phew
> 
> i dont know how you deal with her without loosing it. so massive congrats to you. i would not know how to deal with her and have learnt a lot from this forum as they have helped you.
> 
> she is a really insecure person, is she not? what was your marriage like? she really wants attention from you, positive or negative does not matter.


Thanks CC...

Our marriage was pretty much the same as this thread illustrates.

She has been in IC for 2 years. As she stated I am the only person that can get her this way.

I developed massive passive aggressive anger... It took this to recognize the source. I didn't establish healthy boundaries. Hell, I didn't even know what that meant till Chip spoke of it.

We basically cannibalized each other.

I had no clue my role in the drama till I came here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> We basically cannibalized each other.


What a perfect phrase to express that... mutual emotional cannibalism.


----------



## Mavash.

Great job RG. 

I especially loved her use of the word "we".

How are WE paying for daycare?

Found myself wondering what she's smoking to think this is a WE arrangement.

And she's going to sue you for back support too.

Um good luck with that. Lol


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Pre K Graduation Update...
> 
> Ceremony was splendid. Baby girl growing up rapidly.
> 
> Mrs.RG wanted to speak afterwards and so we did...
> 
> What are we doing about daycare?
> How are we paying for it?
> Why didn't you let me get the certificate with D4, I was supposed to receive it with her - I do everything for her. (I am sorry you feel that way).
> 
> RG: Where are the settlment papers? I want to run it by Team RG. I am requiring invoices from the daycare to figure the rate I am paying.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You don't think I want this done? After the way you have treated me? Someone is playing games.
> 
> I show her that Team RG has not received anything.
> 
> RG: I require the settlement papers to figure out the pro rated rate.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You azzhole!!!
> 
> She walks away... I don't chase and just leave.
> 
> Missed call from her.
> 
> Then a text bombing of epic proportions...
> 
> Mrs. RG:
> 
> 
> Your cheapskate ass doesn't have to worry about paying for your daughters daycare. You have some nerve interrogating me like I'm lying about working you ****!
> The least you can give to D4s the most I want. You came in there today trying to steal the spotlight like you are dad of the year. You haven't done ****.
> 
> And you are having your ***** pick up at a secret location.
> 
> I hope you show these messages to your friends. F your balding ass.
> 
> Worst thing I did was meet you. The best was leaving your ****** ass.
> 
> You bring out the worse in me.
> 
> RG: You done?
> 
> Mrs RG: FU... You are poison to me you d*ck... My lawyer sent everything. I'm taking you to court on Friday. You *****.
> 
> RG: I am not ok with threats.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wish I could kick ass. Consider it all threats ******. Stupid azzhole! You always bring drama! Stealing the spotlight when D4 was getting her certificate. Nothing can be celebrated without drama. So typical of you.
> 
> Grow some balls. Having your ***** pick you up to take to work. You ******. You only have balls when you bully me for money.
> 
> All I have done is be considerate you ****** ass notch.
> 
> I wish I can F you up. I am getting my retro money azzhole.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




ok I was about 10 weeks late.

lol this was what I had been looking for since 4/1/13


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> All I have done is be considerate you ****** ass notch.


Did she come up with this gem, all by herself? It's not even recognized in Urban Dictionary.




ReGroup said:


> I wish I can F you up. I am getting my retro money azzhole.


SMH. This woman is atrocious. What did you ever see in her, RG?


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Pre K Graduation Update...
> 
> Ceremony was splendid. Baby girl growing up rapidly.
> 
> Mrs.RG wanted to speak afterwards and so we did...
> 
> What are we doing about daycare?
> How are we paying for it?
> Why didn't you let me get the certificate with D4, I was supposed to receive it with her - I do everything for her. (I am sorry you feel that way).
> 
> RG: Where are the settlment papers? I want to run it by Team RG. I am requiring invoices from the daycare to figure the rate I am paying.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You don't think I want this done? After the way you have treated me? Someone is playing games.
> 
> I show her that Team RG has not received anything.
> 
> RG: I require the settlement papers to figure out the pro rated rate.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You azzhole!!!
> 
> She walks away... I don't chase and just leave.
> 
> Missed call from her.
> 
> Then a text bombing of epic proportions...
> 
> Mrs. RG:
> 
> 
> Your cheapskate ass doesn't have to worry about paying for your daughters daycare. You have some nerve interrogating me like I'm lying about working you ****!
> The least you can give to D4s the most I want. You came in there today trying to steal the spotlight like you are dad of the year. You haven't done ****.
> 
> And you are having your ***** pick up at a secret location.
> 
> I hope you show these messages to your friends. F your balding ass.
> 
> Worst thing I did was meet you. The best was leaving your ****** ass.
> 
> You bring out the worse in me.
> 
> RG: You done?
> 
> Mrs RG: FU... You are poison to me you d*ck... My lawyer sent everything. I'm taking you to court on Friday. You *****.
> 
> RG: I am not ok with threats.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wish I could kick ass. Consider it all threats ******. Stupid azzhole! You always bring drama! Stealing the spotlight when D4 was getting her certificate. Nothing can be celebrated without drama. So typical of you.
> 
> Grow some balls. Having your ***** pick you up to take to work. You ******. You only have balls when you bully me for money.
> 
> All I have done is be considerate you ****** ass notch.
> 
> I wish I can F you up. I am getting my retro money azzhole.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG, I reading this over and over and can't stop laughing.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> RG, I reading this over and over and can't stop laughing.


That damned Group.... "always bringing drama"

You know he does.

I could break the code, but it's too funny just to leave it as is.

Group was obviously quite the hit at the graduation, so now it's time to rip him apart, insult his appearance, tear into his manhood.

So much anger... 24/7

So much self-hatred.

The only guy on earth unable to laugh at this would be none other than posOM. He's the guy that should be concerned.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Conrad, I thought I'd been called everything under then sun, but ass notch is a new one on me.

Can anyone explain to me exactly what an ass notch is? I gotta couple thoughts but I won't venture them....


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> That damned Group.... "always bringing drama"
> 
> You know he does.
> 
> I could break the code, but it's too funny just to leave it as is.
> 
> Group was obviously quite the hit at the graduation, so now it's time to rip him apart, insult his appearance, tear into his manhood.
> 
> So much anger... 24/7
> 
> So much self-hatred.
> 
> The only guy on earth unable to laugh at this would be none other than posOM. He's the guy that should be concerned.


OM should be having a "hello McFly" moment and head for the hills, I would if I witnessed that.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> OM should be having a "hello McFly" moment and head for the hills, I would if I witnessed that.


Without passing "Go"

Without collecting $200.00

Out by tonight.


----------



## tom67

How about BW's w and Regroup's w cage match!


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> Conrad, I thought I'd been called everything under then sun, but ass notch is a new one on me.
> 
> Can anyone explain to me exactly what an ass notch is? I gotta couple thoughts but I won't venture them....


I would assume the notch is located on top of the hole. Seems a more fitting moniker for POSOM.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> How about BW's w and Regroup's w cage match!


Only if it's mud wrestling.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Only if it's mud wrestling.


Or jello I'm not picky.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I would assume the notch is located on top of the hole. Seems a more fitting moniker for POSOM.


You are a true Renaissance Man.


----------



## ReGroup

Love you guys and gals... 

The who*e that gave me a ride to work thanks everyone. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Settlement was sent... Confirmed by my lawyer.

RG: Email or fax?

Mrs. RG: Email.

RG: Ok, I'll check with The Team. Thank You.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Settlement was sent... Confirmed by my lawyer.
> 
> RG: Email or fax?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Email.
> 
> RG: Ok, I'll check with The Team. Thank You.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Call your lawyer to ask.

And, drop it.


----------



## ReGroup

_Posted via Mobile Device_

I emailed him.

Chip, I am ready for this.

Taking D4 to The Motherland... The Dominican Republic soon.

6 months more once the settlment is signed.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> I emailed him.
> 
> Chip, I am ready for this.
> 
> Taking D4 to The Motherland... The Dominican Republic soon.
> 
> 6 months more once the settlment is signed.


Full speed ahead brother.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> Did she come up with this gem, all by herself? It's not even recognized in Urban Dictionary.


I think she meant ass nozzle, but she can't even get that right.

What can you say? It's not her year.


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> I think she meant ass nozzle, but she can't even get that right.


Stupid auto-correct...


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> What can you say? It's not her year.


I think she's undiagnosed bipolar.

She went postal because of a piece of paper, and then calmly sent a text about the settlement having been sent.

Talk about manic...


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> I think she's undiagnosed bipolar.
> 
> She went postal because of a piece of paper, and then calmly sent a text about the settlement having been sent.
> 
> Talk about manic...


She suspects that her mother is BPD.

In fact, she says everyone in her fam is crazy in some way.

With the exception of...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> I think she's undiagnosed bipolar.
> 
> She went postal because of a piece of paper, and then calmly sent a text about the settlement having been sent.
> 
> Talk about manic...


She went postal because cool, firm, dispassionate ReGroup was in the house without a care in the world.

It's blowing her circuits - literally.


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> She went postal because cool, firm, dispassionate ReGroup was in the house without a care in the world.
> 
> It's blowing her circuits - literally.


I agree, but there's something more to her mental makeup. 

RG, isn't she a school psychologist?


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> In fact, she says everyone in her fam is crazy in some way.
> 
> With the exception of...


Oddly enough, AXW always used to say the same thing... Considered herself the one white sheep in a family of black sheep.



Right. She's just fine... It's _everyone else_ who's insane.


----------



## HappyKaty

Pbartender said:


> Oddly enough, AXW always used to say the same thing... Considered herself the one white sheep in a family of black sheep.
> 
> 
> 
> Right. She's just fine... It's _everyone else_ who's insane.


I did the same thing. 

I knew my family was f'd, nine ways to Sunday. But, you better believe, in my head, I was the ONLY one that was spared the rod of mental instability.

It's all in the eye of the beholder, and it never changes until they're ready.

Did you go around humming that you were codependent?


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> I agree, but there's something more to her mental makeup.
> 
> RG, isn't she a school psychologist?


Yup! She is. 

Why I ask if I am the one who drives her to this type of emotional landscape.

But I keep being CDF and it still comes out.... So it can't be all me.

I wonder all the time... Is it me? Maybe I am that much of a catalyst that drives her to say or do this foolishne
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Yup! She is.


See...I'm that person that would take the text messages to the school board, just to make them aware of how unstable their psych is.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She has been in IC for 2 years. As she stated I am the only person that can get her this way.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, that's some kind of rank bullshix.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> I emailed him.
> 
> Chip, I am ready for this.
> 
> Taking D4 to The Motherland... The Dominican Republic soon.
> 
> 6 months more once the settlment is signed.


Will you come back to the US?

Mrs RG might have your passport revoked or claim that you are a terrorist.

Nothing should surprise you by now.


----------



## Pbartender

HappyKaty said:


> Did you go around humming that you were codependent?


Oh, of course I didn't... I wasn't, then, even though the seeds for it had been firmly planted from my childhood and were ready to sprout.

I was already lousy with Nice Guy Syndrome and ADHD, and to a certain degree recognized the symptoms of both, acknowledged them, and dealt with them as best I could... But not until very recently did I ever piece together what the collective symptoms actually meant and get professional help for them.

Of course, by that time my codependency had blossomed nicely to fill out the lovely flower garden of my personal dysfunctions, and it was far too late to save my marriage.

So no... I always knew that there was something not quite right. I saw the symptoms. I just wasn't always aware of exactly what the diagnosis should be... And until things really started going downhill, I had been handling what I was aware of well enough.

And perhaps that's where the self-delusion comes in... For a lot of us, we're just as messed up as the rest of our family, but we're just a little better (but certainly not perfect) at finding ways to cope with it on our own.


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> Will you come back to the US?
> 
> Mrs RG might have your passport revoked or claim that you are a terrorist.
> 
> Nothing should surprise you by now.


Did you hear he's going bald now as well?


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Yup! She is.
> 
> Why I ask if I am the one who drives her to this type of emotional landscape.
> 
> But I keep being CDF and it still comes out.... So it can't be all me.
> 
> I wonder all the time... Is it me? Maybe I am that much of a catalyst that drives her to say or do this foolishne
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is not you. It is your magnetic (charming) personality that is wreaking havoc on her bipolar flux capacitor.

When she gets close to you, sees you at your finest, coolest, dispassionateness her heart goes flip-flop which sends alternating current to her brain which forces her brain waves to go from polar to bipolar molecular activity. BMA=f'in baths!t cr&zy....

See, a simple enough explanation.

I recommend standing more that 10 feet away from her and never speaking to her ever again.

Case solved.

Next!

Hang in there RG.

HM64


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Yup! She is.
> 
> Why I ask if I am the one who drives her to this type of emotional landscape.
> 
> But I keep being CDF and it still comes out.... So it can't be all me.
> 
> I wonder all the time... Is it me? Maybe I am that much of a catalyst that drives her to say or do this foolishne
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Classic trait of a BPDer is a spouse that thinks he (or she) is going crazy.


----------



## hope4family

Ceegee said:


> Classic trait of a BPDer is a spouse that thinks he (or she) is going crazy.



Sadly regroup. This is perhaps true. I used to think that I was the problem. Because my ex-wife convinced me that my way of thinking was just wrong. 

Then I got some air, met healthy people who understand healthy boundaries. It was like breathing air again. 

I realize, I have co-dependent traits. That historically I am a nice guy who is a giver. That I trigger from my terrible experiences in the past.

I recognize these traits, and now seek to find balance. 

Meanwhile, my ex-wife. Continues to be crazy, and treats me like I am crazy. Expect more or less the same. That law that you hate so much right now, will eventually become very comforting when everything is finalized and you get closure.


----------



## Ceegee

hope4family said:


> Sadly regroup. This is perhaps true. I used to think that I was the problem. Because my ex-wife convinced me that my way of thinking was just wrong.
> 
> Then I got some air, met healthy people who understand healthy boundaries. It was like breathing air again.
> 
> I realize, I have co-dependent traits. That historically I am a nice guy who is a giver. That I trigger from my terrible experiences in the past.
> 
> I recognize these traits, and now seek to find balance.
> 
> Meanwhile, my ex-wife. Continues to be crazy, and treats me like I am crazy. Expect more or less the same. That law that you hate so much right now, will eventually become very comforting when everything is finalized and you get closure.


Same here. I still have to run things by our mental health professional (MHP - similar to child facilitator) as well as my IC to confirm I'm not going crazy when I get messages from STBX. 

As a matter of fact, the day I met the MHP, I told her "either she's crazy or I am". She chuckled and said "I don't think either of you are crazy". 

Six months later, the MHP's offering to work pro-bono because she feels guilty about not being able to control the STBX. She also said that STBX has a "diagnosable mental disorder".


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> It is not you. It is your magnetic (charming) personality that is wreaking havoc on her bipolar flux capacitor.
> 
> When she gets close to you, sees you at your finest, coolest, dispassionateness her heart goes flip-flop which sends alternating current to her brain which forces her brain waves to go from polar to bipolar molecular activity. BMA=f'in baths!t cr&zy....
> 
> See, a simple enough explanation.
> 
> I recommend standing more that 10 feet away from her and never speaking to her ever again.
> 
> Case solved.
> 
> Next!
> 
> Hang in there RG.
> 
> HM64


But Happy,

When the other moms see this stellar man with his daughter, their hearts start melting.

THIS evidence goes into the flux capacitor and the digital read-out says "TILT"

Then the texting starts... that which cannot be controlled MUST be torn down. It simply MUST.

The only other choice would be to submit to this magnificent man.

And, we can't have that now, can we?


----------



## ReGroup

Dear Mr: Mrs. RG's Attorney,* 

I have not received word of your party's proposal.

If my representative has been negligent; then I truly apologize. It's been my contingent this entire time to move this settlement as quick as possible. 

If the above statement rings true to your current experience PLEASE inform me ASAP and I'll act accordingly...

I apologize if you have been inconvenienced.

Please send information at.....

Proposal was not sent till this morning!.all bs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Just confirmed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

*Shocked*


----------



## ReGroup

Dear Mrs. RG's Attorney,* 

I have not received word of your party's proposal...

If my representative has been negligent; then I truly apologize. It's been my contingent this entire time to move this settlement as quick as possible. 

If the above statement rings true to your current experience PLEASE inform me ASAP and I'll act accordingly...

I apologize if you have been inconvenienced.

After I sent that I received word that it was not sent till this morning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Just confirmed!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Confirmed they still don't have it?

Or did she leave the ceremony and rip into him to send it?

I mean, I'll bet she's got a voodoo doll of him also.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, at this point I don't know what's going on.

I was hoping you could tell me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I cc'd everyone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Confirmed they still don't have it?
> 
> Or did she leave the ceremony and rip into him to send it?
> 
> I mean, I'll bet she's got a voodoo doll of him also.


Nothing sent till today.

All BS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, at this point I don't know what's going on.
> 
> I was hoping you could tell me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A total circus.

But, I can tell you, she realizes you aren't paying a dime this summer unless she does something quick.

Too funny.

This isn't quite working on the way she foresaw.


----------



## ReGroup

Full Throttle?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Confirmed they still don't have it?
> 
> Or did she leave the ceremony and rip into him to send it?
> 
> I mean, I'll bet she's got a voodoo doll of him also.


They did not have it ready till today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> They did not have it ready till today.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're in no hurry, are you?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> You're in no hurry, are you?


Nope. It seems we are in no hurry
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> You're in no hurry, are you?


She sure isn't.

Good job, RG, on pushing her there. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Nope. It seems we are in no hurry
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The whole time has been a bluff.

She had to pay her attorney to move things along.

She finally figured out she was being too clever by half - trying to avoid the attorney's fees will end up costing her your portion of summer daycare.

And, that puts a smile on my face.


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> They did not have it ready till today.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fun fact. 

WS have no idea what they are doing. Especially if you suspect they are bi-polar. All that spewing vomit of what people say you can and cannot get from your ex husband and yada yada yada is hardly ever true.


----------



## coachman

ReGroup said:


> Pre K Graduation Update...
> 
> Mrs. RG:
> 
> Your cheapskate ass doesn't have to worry about paying for your daughters daycare. You have some nerve interrogating me like I'm lying about working you ****!
> The least you can give to D4s the most I want. You came in there today trying to steal the spotlight like you are dad of the year. You haven't done ****.
> 
> And you are having your ***** pick up at a secret location.
> 
> I hope you show these messages to your friends. F your balding ass.
> 
> *Worst thing I did was meet you. The best was leaving your ****** ass.*
> 
> You bring out the worse in me.
> 
> RG: You done?
> 
> Mrs RG: *FU... You are poison to me you d*ck... *My lawyer sent everything. I'm taking you to court on Friday. You *****.
> 
> RG: I am not ok with threats.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wish I could kick ass. Consider it all threats ******. Stupid azzhole! You always bring drama! Stealing the spotlight when D4 was getting her certificate. Nothing can be celebrated without drama. So typical of you.
> 
> *Grow some balls. Having your ***** pick you up to take to work. You ******.* You only have balls when you bully me for money.
> 
> *All I have done is be considerate you ****** ass notch.*
> 
> I wish I can F you up. I am getting my retro money azzhole.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Can't stop laughing reading this.

I tried to pick out my favorite quote from Mrs. RG but they are all awesome.

I selfishly hope this wasn't the last rant..:smthumbup:


----------



## Conrad

coachman said:


> Can't stop laughing reading this.
> 
> I tried to pick out my favorite quote from Mrs. RG but they are all awesome.
> 
> I selfishly hope this wasn't the last rant..:smthumbup:


Not even close Coach... not even close.


----------



## Lifescript

Wow! RG. What the hell did you do!!!? 

How did you still the show? 

There's so much emotion in her words.


----------



## Lifescript

Oh, Conrad ... did the Mets beat the Cards tonight? Umm ... thought so.


----------



## catcalls

i know you should ignore it, but she is really abusive. turn the tabels and you will be deemed as a unsuitable parent and you daughter will be having her visits to you supervised. meanwhile she is raging and ranting with no real legal implications. 

and if i understand correctly, her work involves counselling young kids. meanwhile your D is showing a lot of signs of stress. It is good that she atleast has one parent who is calm and is a rock for her.


----------



## Bullwinkle

I'm with the Coach on this. I hope there are still a few good rants to come.


----------



## Ryo

I'm no expert but I don't think crazy knows how to stop after just sending an email or two ranting shes been building this up way too long. I bet she shows up at his door one night leaving posom watching the kid.


----------



## Chuck71

Atlanta fell...........march to Savannah


----------



## Bullwinkle

Good one, Chucky, made me think of Gone with the Wind, got kinda weepy.

Miz Scarlett, I don't know nuthin bout birthin no babies!'


----------



## Chuck71

'Ol Butterfly......she was the last surviving member from GWTW, except for the one who played Suellen. She and I are related, not close but 'close'.

I was amazed it took QL this long to burst. I was only ten weeks off LOL

QL will pull a few reaches of epic proportion

as Group refutes them, anger spill but they will get less and less

this is when she collapses like a supernova

then the decision is Group's to make

I wonder if QL is desperately searching for that soda machine now

Group....if this was the beginning of her true "self actualization" and it

involved wanting you back....... would you consider it? As in...

all the things needed on her part to work for you? I'm just curious


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs RG cc'd everyone:

Good morning,
It should be duly and explicitly noted that myself and my attorney are through with the "back and forth" that has occurred since the origins of the proposal, dating back to January. RG, who claimed to have an attorney dating as far back, was the prime consultant in various drafted versions of the Stipulation. On numerous occasions, the stipulation of settlement has been sent from my attorney to me to be sent to RG, and with each time, RG has sent back the "stip" (as it will be referred to here on out) with language corrections and minute details that he wanted changed. I, as the plaintiff, have been more than fair and considerate in giving RG everything that he as asked for, including, three out of four weekends for his time with our daughter, D4 ( I prefer the standard every other weekend), his refusal to contribute the state standard of 17% to the expenses to help maintain D4s cost of living, his refusal of contributing 50% to her medical, dental and non-reimbursed health expenses, as well as refusal to contribute 50% to her day care while I am working. My attorney has been more than fair in adhering, against his professional advice, to the changes that have been requested by RG. He has been wasting his time in dealing with RG and has refused to put any more time into this case.*
Per an email sent to my attorney, we were advised that RG did not want to spend any out of pocket expenses for this settlement and would be advised to sign. As a result, RG and I met on May 29th, 2013 where he was presented with a revised (with his corrections and requests) "stip' as well as the Affidavit. It was reviewed with the goal to meet the following day to sign and have notarized. I even told RG that I was willing to take a day off from my job in order to meet him around his place of work, with the end result of convenience for RG. RG emphatically refused to "sign anything" and instead asked for copies of the "stip" to review with his attorney. It should also be noted that during this meeting, RG asked if I would prefer to have his attorney "draw up the stip." I agreed to this action. Mr. RG also asked me for a copy of my W2's which I followed up with him for about a week in order to get a fax number to send to his attorney. All of this has been expressly against the legal advice that my attorney has given me due to the amount of "games" that have occurred throughout the last six months.*
Unless there is some active and significant movement in this case, where there are no assets or significant personal belongings between the plaintiff and defendant, court will be the next immediate action in this overly prolonged case.

So I cc'd everyone:


Good morning,
I would like to correct Mrs RG - her first settlement proposal was emailed to me on March 8, 2013... Not in January of 2013.
To which I countered a week later.
The original stipulation had incorrect computations to which I asked Mrs. RG to address.
Late March Mrs RG sent me an ammended stip - once again, the computations were incorrect. I asked her to have her representative address those issues.
On 4/22/2013 I gave Mrs. RG my reps attorney info to handle things lawyer to lawyer.
On two occasions I have shown Mrs. RG that my attorney was waiting for a response to move forward with this settlement.
As far as to support payments - I have everything well documented if this needs to go to court.*
Everyone have a blessed day.

Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

"It should be expressly and duly noted that I am the VICTIM of the dastardly ReGroup - (aka: FAN)... and here's why..."

An Overview of the Drama Triangle

Now, pay no attention to the fact that I took our 4 year old daughter and shacked up with posOM while married to FAN...

That is TOTALLY irrelevant!

This is HIS fault.

The cheap SOB!


----------



## hope4family

That triangle is an interesting dynamic of truth. 

I came to the realization though yesterday. That I need to potentially play the victim card more, in the sense of, holding other people accountable for their actions. 

In other words, stop the #3's and just own it. When someone is a liar, no longer tolerate it, and call them out on it. Avoid it when someone manipulates your words and actions to bully you. 

But most important of all. Don't show any emotion.


----------



## Conrad

hope4family said:


> That triangle is an interesting dynamic of truth.
> 
> I came to the realization though yesterday. That I need to potentially play the victim card more, in the sense of, holding other people accountable for their actions.
> 
> In other words, stop the #3's and just own it. When someone is a liar, no longer tolerate it, and call them out on it. Avoid it when someone manipulates your words and actions to bully you.
> 
> But most important of all. Don't show any emotion.


Restraint is interpreted as strength

You don't take any crap, but you don't get angry.

You sniff it out and put a stop to it.

This makes your woman feel safe with you.

If you stand up to her, she recognizes you will stand up to the world on her behalf.

Yes, this is subconscious also.


----------



## Mavash.

That was a fun read. Pure fiction. Lol.

I think the only thing she got right was yours and your daughters name.

That was some serious history rewriting.


----------



## tom67

Is the rest of her family this eh well...disturbed?


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Is the rest of her family this eh well...disturbed?


Tommy, I thought she was the only sane one. Everyone else is... Crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Wow she totally sounds like she is SUCH A VICTIM of your cruel games, RG

LMAO!!!!!!!

 great response

She sucks. Can't wait until you are totally free of her legally....too bad you have to co parent with that crazy woman.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Good morning,
> It should be duly and explicitly noted that myself and my attorney are through with the "back and forth" that has occurred since the origins of the proposal, dating back to January. RG, who claimed to have an attorney dating as far back, was the prime consultant in various drafted versions of the Stipulation. On numerous occasions, the stipulation of settlement has been sent from my attorney to me to be sent to RG, and with each time, RG has sent back the "stip" (as it will be referred to here on out) with language corrections and minute details that he wanted changed. I, as the plaintiff, have been more than fair and considerate in giving RG everything that he as asked for, including, three out of four weekends for his time with our daughter, D4 ( I prefer the standard every other weekend), his refusal to contribute the state standard of 17% to the expenses to help maintain D4s cost of living, his refusal of contributing 50% to her medical, dental and non-reimbursed health expenses, as well as refusal to contribute 50% to her day care while I am working. My attorney has been more than fair in adhering, against his professional advice, to the changes that have been requested by RG. He has been wasting his time in dealing with RG and has refused to put any more time into this case.*
> Per an email sent to my attorney, we were advised that RG did not want to spend any out of pocket expenses for this settlement and would be advised to sign. As a result, RG and I met on May 29th, 2013 where he was presented with a revised (with his corrections and requests) "stip' as well as the Affidavit. It was reviewed with the goal to meet the following day to sign and have notarized. I even told RG that I was willing to take a day off from my job in order to meet him around his place of work, with the end result of convenience for RG. RG emphatically refused to "sign anything" and instead asked for copies of the "stip" to review with his attorney. It should also be noted that during this meeting, RG asked if I would prefer to have his attorney "draw up the stip." I agreed to this action. Mr. RG also asked me for a copy of my W2's which I followed up with him for about a week in order to get a fax number to send to his attorney. All of this has been expressly against the legal advice that my attorney has given me due to the amount of "games" that have occurred throughout the last six months.*
> Unless there is some active and significant movement in this case, where there are no assets or significant personal belongings between the plaintiff and defendant, court will be the next immediate action in this overly prolonged case.


She talks too much. All she needed to say was:

_RG is not negotiating in good faith and his continuous delaying tactics are no longer acceptable. If the stipulation hasn't been settled and signed by [DATE], I will advise my attorney to schedule a court date to address any remaining unresolved matters before a judge._


----------



## Conrad

Pbartender said:


> She talks too much. All she needed to say was:
> 
> _RG is not negotiating in good faith and his continuous delaying tactics are no longer acceptable. If the stipulation hasn't been settled and signed by [DATE], I will advise my attorney to schedule a court date to address any remaining unresolved matters before a judge._


People who angle for the Victim Chair TALK ALL THE TIME.


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> People who angle for the Victim Chair TALK ALL THE TIME.


And they change their verbiage as often as they do their underwear.


----------



## BK23

Any of you guys watch Always Sunny in Philladelphia? Mrs. RG sounds like Charlie Kelly (the janitor) when he tries to pretend to be an attorney.

I always cringe when I hear laypeople spouting lawyerish jargon. 

Wherefore insofar as ipso facto, arguendo, um I should get everything I want.....


----------



## ReGroup

Speaking of drama...

My cousin had my phone last night and sent some affectionate text to Mrs. RG trying to play it off as it was me...

Didn't realize till now. Prankster that he is.

Now Mrs. RG is mad that "I" didn't mean those things.

She initially thought they were for my "who*e"...

Then states she was up during the night thinking about it as she felt it was me telling her all these nice things.

I'll password protect my phone from now on and get even with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> People who angle for the Victim Chair TALK ALL THE TIME.


Of course they do... It takes a lot of words to explain away their actions, justify away their motives, and shift the blame away to someone else.

Remember when I was first trying to get AXW to stop stonewalling, and how long some of those first emails I proposed sending to her were?



Yep.

Exactly.

:slap:


----------



## Conrad

BK23 said:


> I should get everything I want.....


The common thread


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Speaking of drama...
> 
> My cousin had my phone last night and sent some affectionate text to Mrs. RG trying to play it off as it was me...
> 
> Didn't realize till now. Prankster that he is.
> 
> Now Mrs. RG is mad that "I" didn't mean those things.
> 
> She initially thought they were for my "who*e"...
> 
> Then states she was up during the night thinking about it as she felt it was me telling her all these nice things.
> 
> I'll password protect my phone from now on and get even with him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you want to be done now?


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Speaking of drama...
> 
> My cousin had my phone last night and sent some affectionate text to Mrs. RG trying to play it off as it was me...
> 
> Didn't realize till now. Prankster that he is.
> 
> Now Mrs. RG is mad that "I" didn't mean those things.
> 
> She initially thought they were for my "who*e"...
> 
> Then states she was up during the night thinking about it as she felt it was me telling her all these nice things.
> 
> I'll password protect my phone from now on and get even with him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Baaahahahahahaha!

What kind of idiot admits that to the FAN that she wants to "F up"?!

LMAO!


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Do you want to be done now?


In what sense?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

BK23 said:


> Any of you guys watch Always Sunny in Philladelphia? Mrs. RG sounds like Charlie Kelly (the janitor) when he tries to pretend to be an attorney.
> 
> I always cringe when I hear laypeople spouting lawyerish jargon.
> 
> Wherefore insofar as ipso facto, arguendo, um I should get everything I want.....


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

TOTALLY!!!

I love that show


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> It was sense?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like she's listening if you crack the door.


----------



## zillard

your cousin is awesome


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Sounds like she's listening if you crack the door.


Chip, she wants to kill me for having her "whirling" around last night. Lol.

You want your boy (me) getting killed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, she wants to kill me for having her "whirling" around last night. Lol.
> 
> You want your boy getting killed?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't want you to get killed.

I also don't want you to wonder "what if" - if that's important to you.

Remember, the goal here is to clear the brush and make solid decisions going forward.


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG 

I may have missed it but did we ever establish exactly what an ass notch is? I was up half the night thinking about it.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Chip, she wants to kill me for having her "whirling" around last night. Lol.
> 
> You want your boy getting killed?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Correction.

She wants to kill herself, for letting you go. That's why she got so antsy about the sweet things 'you' sent.


----------



## Conrad

Bullwinkle said:


> RG
> 
> I may have missed it but did we ever establish exactly what an ass notch is? I was up half the night thinking about it.


Winkle,

A little Urban Dictionary detective work indicated that an ass notch was likely really an ass nozzle subjected to auto-correct.

As to what a fa***t ass nozzle is, I'll let you look it up.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> Correction.
> 
> She wants to kill herself, for letting you go. That's why she got so antsy about the sweet things 'you' sent.


Yes she does.. and it's obvious.

A strong move here takes posOM to the ashbin of history.

ONLY if you want to.

Any sort of reconciliation with her is bound to entertain us, but that's not your primary goal.

It's about what you want.


----------



## Bullwinkle

LOL, Conrad. Subject to auto-correct, I like that.

Group, please don't take this the wrong way, but if you and the old lady ever reconcile, I think it's going to kill me, I'll miss her so much.


----------



## HappyKaty

Bullwinkle said:


> LOL, Conrad. Subject to auto-correct, I like that.
> 
> Group, please don't take this the wrong way, but if you and the old lady ever reconcile, I think it's going to kill me, I'll miss her so much.


Please believe the reconciliation period would keep you on the edge of your seat.


----------



## GutPunch

Bullwinkle said:


> LOL, Conrad. Subject to auto-correct, I like that.
> 
> Group, please don't take this the wrong way, but if you and the old lady ever reconcile, I think it's going to kill me, I'll miss her so much.


The abuse would be verbal instead of via text.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Bullwinkle said:


> LOL, Conrad. Subject to auto-correct, I like that.
> 
> Group, please don't take this the wrong way, but if you and the old lady ever reconcile, I think it's going to kill me, I'll miss her so much.


Eh I think it's going to kill RG if he reconciles. Going back together 9.5 married 6, good grief how did you do it? I got it her problem is she's a closet cub fan.:rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> Do you want to be done now?





ReGroup said:


> In what sense?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





Conrad said:


> Sounds like she's listening if you crack the door.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm going to proceed.

If she wants to talk reconciliation, it would have to be her to bring it up. Then we would have to think about it.

Isn't that the way it works?

I just reread her email... It's hilarious. Her lawyer doesn't want to participate anymore?

I wish I knew what was really going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Her lawyer is smart.


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Her lawyer is smart.


Stalling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Stalling?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He doesn't want to participate.

Like a veteran sailor who knew the Titanic was doomed.


----------



## ReGroup

She's still texting her balding husband about the messages. Lol.

She says that I had to know about them when they were being written.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coachman

ReGroup said:


> Pre K Graduation Update...
> 
> Ceremony was splendid. Baby girl growing up rapidly.
> 
> Mrs.RG wanted to speak afterwards and so we did...
> 
> What are we doing about daycare?
> How are we paying for it?
> Why didn't you let me get the certificate with D4, I was supposed to receive it with her - I do everything for her. (I am sorry you feel that way).
> 
> RG: Where are the settlment papers? I want to run it by Team RG. I am requiring invoices from the daycare to figure the rate I am paying.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You don't think I want this done? After the way you have treated me? Someone is playing games.
> 
> I show her that Team RG has not received anything.
> 
> RG: I require the settlement papers to figure out the pro rated rate.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You azzhole!!!
> 
> She walks away... I don't chase and just leave.
> 
> Missed call from her.
> 
> Then a text bombing of epic proportions...
> 
> Mrs. RG:
> 
> 
> Your cheapskate ass doesn't have to worry about paying for your daughters daycare. You have some nerve interrogating me like I'm lying about working you ****!
> The least you can give to D4s the most I want. You came in there today trying to steal the spotlight like you are dad of the year. You haven't done ****.
> 
> And you are having your ***** pick up at a secret location.
> 
> I hope you show these messages to your friends. F your balding ass.
> 
> Worst thing I did was meet you. The best was leaving your ****** ass.
> 
> You bring out the worse in me.
> 
> RG: You done?
> 
> Mrs RG: FU... You are poison to me you d*ck... My lawyer sent everything. I'm taking you to court on Friday. You *****.
> 
> RG: I am not ok with threats.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I wish I could kick ass. Consider it all threats ******. Stupid azzhole! You always bring drama! Stealing the spotlight when D4 was getting her certificate. Nothing can be celebrated without drama. So typical of you.
> 
> Grow some balls. Having your ***** pick you up to take to work. You ******. You only have balls when you bully me for money.
> 
> All I have done is be considerate you ****** *ass notch.*
> 
> I wish I can F you up. I am getting my retro money azzhole.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Timeless classic.


----------



## Bullwinkle

She desperately wants you to say, well, I really didn't send them, but it IS kinda how I feel about you....


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She's still texting her balding husband about the messages. Lol.
> 
> She says that I had to know about them when they were being written.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry you feel that way.

I was busily trying to replace my fa***t ass nozzle

(And, make sure you spell it right)


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> I'm sorry you feel that way.
> 
> I was busily trying to replace my fa***t ass nozzle
> 
> (And, make sure you spell it right)


I've called STBX an 'FAB', where the 'B' stands for a word that rhymes with witch. My iPhone always auto-corrects the 'B' word with "botch". 

Kinda close...


----------



## Bullwinkle

After reading all your comments and perusing the urban Dictionary for the first time, I have decided I like any word that has "nozzle" attached to it.


----------



## hope4family

Bullwinkle said:


> She desperately wants you to say, well, I really didn't send them, but it IS kinda how I feel about you....


But isn't that just the kind of story she craves? 

That attachment through drama? 

Wouldn't be the way I wanna reconcile. But if you wanna reconcile. It's a start.


----------



## Tron

ReGroup said:


> She's still texting her balding husband about the messages. Lol.
> 
> She says that I had to know about them when they were being written.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"And what if I did know about them. Are you ready to $hitcan POSOM yet?"...................15 little words. 

She's definitely fishing. 

She wants you to take a step, to "chase" as it were. And yeah, H4F, as Mavash so eloquently put it, "she gets off on it".

Hmmm. What to do?


----------



## BK23

ReGroup said:


> I'm going to proceed.
> 
> If she wants to talk reconciliation, it would have to be her to bring it up. Then we would have to think about it.
> 
> Isn't that the way it works?
> 
> I just reread her email... It's hilarious. Her lawyer doesn't want to participate anymore?
> 
> I wish I knew what was really going on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is really going on is that she has no lawyer. From the sound of it, she wants to draw this out. Couple of possibilities as to why: (i) she wants to have some fun, test the waters, and then reel you back in if the grass isn't greener (easier to keep you as plan B before divorce is final); (ii) she is broke and can't afford a lawyer, so she is scared about getting her ass handed to her; (iii) she is out of her tiny fvcking pigeon brain, (iv) some combination of the preceding 3 possibilities.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> "And what if I did know about them. Are you ready to $hitcan POSOM yet?"...................15 little words.
> 
> She's definitely fishing.
> 
> She wants you to take a step, to "chase" as it were. And yeah, H4F, as Mavash so eloquently put it, "she gets off on it".
> 
> Hmmm. What to do?


I'd be more subtle:

"I'd have to be crazy to send something like that - much less mean it - when my wife is sleeping with another man"

And, then... listen


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> I'd be more subtle:
> 
> "I'd have to be crazy to send something like that - much less mean it - when my wife is sleeping with another man"
> 
> And, then... listen


*Please* send this, RG.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> *Please* send this, RG.


The flux capacitor may redline.


----------



## GutPunch

bk23 said:


> what is really going on is that she has no lawyer. From the sound of it, she wants to draw this out. Couple of possibilities as to why: (i) she wants to have some fun, test the waters, and then reel you back in if the grass isn't greener (easier to keep you as plan b before divorce is final); (ii) she is broke and can't afford a lawyer, so she is scared about getting her ass handed to her; (iii) she is out of her tiny fvcking pigeon brain, (iv) some combination of the preceding 3 possibilities.


i say #3


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> The flux capacitor may redline.


You want me to send that?!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Speaking of drama...
> 
> My cousin had my phone last night and sent some affectionate text to Mrs. RG trying to play it off as it was me...
> 
> Didn't realize till now. Prankster that he is.
> 
> Now Mrs. RG is mad that "I" didn't mean those things.
> 
> She initially thought they were for my "who*e"...
> 
> Then states she was up during the night thinking about it as she felt it was me telling her all these nice things.
> 
> I'll password protect my phone from now on and get even with him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Aww, poor girl! 

LOL


----------



## GutPunch

HappyKaty said:


> *Please* send this, RG.


Are you guys serious? 

I've got deadlines to meet! How am I supposed to work?


----------



## ReGroup

Do I come off as weak?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

On stand by.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Do I come off as weak?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is not a weak statement.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> You want me to send that?!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG...It's brilliant!

It throws her POS behavior right in her face, and makes you look like the Billy-bad-ass that doesn't have a care in the world.


----------



## ReGroup

Here it goes!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

Let me go get my coffee while we wait.


----------



## tom67

It's strong, direct and to the point. Send it.:iagree:


----------



## tom67

Lifescript said:


> Let me go get my coffee while we wait.


As Keith Jackson used to say "whoa nelly!"


----------



## ReGroup

Bomb set off in upper Manhattan.

Not going to lie... I will be afraid to look at my phone if she responds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tron




----------



## Bullwinkle

RG, this is your finest hour.


----------



## HappyKaty

I hope she stalls for a bit. My popcorn isn't ready.


----------



## GutPunch

Dear Lord..........


----------



## coachman

You guys have mind fvcked her into implosion.

I love this thread.  Pass the popcorn HK


----------



## ReGroup

If I had some small hope of reconciliation... This one will seal the deal. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

No response.

Was this The Haymaker?

Lord, why am I trembling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> No response.
> 
> Was this The Haymaker?
> 
> Lord, why am I trembling?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL.....

Cool Firm Dispassionate


----------



## Bullwinkle

She's either sobbing at her desk or driving down to your office to gut you like a fish.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> If I had some small hope of reconciliation... This one will seal the deal. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You would consider R?


----------



## HappyKaty

She's making her way to the victim chair. 

Patience.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No response.
> 
> Was this The Haymaker?
> 
> Lord, why am I trembling?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course it was.

By badgering you about the messages, she left the door wide open.

Always be patient FAN.

The big fat slow pitch always shows up.


----------



## GutPunch

She'll be texting pics of her vajayjay later on tonight after she rushes to the spa for an emergency Brazilian wax.


----------



## Bullwinkle

LOL, Punch.


----------



## Conrad

At least this one put a stop to her incessant prattle.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: And I had to be crazy to ever think my husband would ever try to win me back.

You never treated me like your wife!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

1. She didn't deny the sleeping with OM.

2. Classic blame-shifting.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: And I had to be crazy to ever think my husband would ever try to win me back.
> 
> You never treated me like your wife!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!! 

Sounds just like X.


----------



## HappyKaty

I see she found that chair.


----------



## BK23

If I recall, you put a decent amount of effort into winning her back and keeping your family together. Too bad she burned your relationship to the ground before she decided she was "ready" for you to TRY to win her back.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: And I had to be crazy to ever think my husband would ever try to win me back.
> 
> You never treated me like your wife!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry you feel that way.

Sleeping with other men was never any kind of solution.


----------



## hope4family

Conrad said:


> I'm sorry you feel that way.
> 
> Sleeping with other men was never any kind of solution.


I'd send this.

Believe it or not. This says that you are fighting for her. Even now.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> I'm sorry you feel that way.
> 
> Sleeping with other men was never any kind of solution.


Perfect send this!:lol:


----------



## 06Daddio08

hope4family said:


> I'd send this.
> 
> Believe it or not. This says that you are fighting for her. Even now.


*"Fighting For Your Wife"* - Wiping ones muddy boots on said husbands back to get the mud off, when it's convenient for the wife.


----------



## ReGroup

Sent!

I think her brains are short circuiting right now.

I wonder... What happens next in this tale.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Sent!
> 
> I think her brains are short circuiting right now.
> 
> I wonder... What happens next in this tale.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can promise you this...

Right now, you are the sexiest man alive, to her.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Sent!
> 
> I think her brains are short circuiting right now.
> 
> I wonder... What happens next in this tale.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like that movie scanners where the guy's head explodes.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Sent!
> 
> I think her brains are short circuiting right now.
> 
> I wonder... What happens next in this tale.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One thing we will all have out of this is a Bible for how to come here as a beaten down niceguy, find yourself, and take the high ground moving forward... even when dealing with an emotionally broken woman.

FAN, your head should be held high.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Ok RG, you truly don't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

06Daddio08 said:


> *"Fighting For Your Wife"* - Wiping ones muddy boots on said husbands back to get the mud off, when it's convenient for the wife.


By her definition sure. 

But even I had a moment, with her boyfriend in the car. Where I told her, I felt something with her that I couldn't get anywhere else. If she wanted to come home, she can. It wont stop the consequences of our actions. But I think we have enough to try. 

Her answer was no. 

Since then, I picked up my bat & ball. Wen't home. Life is only getting better.


----------



## zillard

Don't know what?


----------



## tom67

zillard said:


> Don't know what?


:scratchhead::scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Ok RG, you truly don't know.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, yes I do.

I understand far more than you realize.


----------



## hope4family

I'm making popcorn.


----------



## Ceegee

It's not over yet.


----------



## ReGroup

Sent!

Where is Mavi?

I want her to celebrate in this as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Sent!
> 
> Where is Mavi?
> 
> I want her to celebrate in this as well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's whispering in your ear.

We're all with you brother.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: I see that your d*ck self is back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: I see that your d*ck self is back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not ok with insults.


----------



## GutPunch

I'd stop playing this game after that one.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: At least you know I still care. You don't.

And I am not ok with a lot of things that you have been doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: At least you know I still care. You don't.


That's MAJOR fishing.

I used to say it to BP, ALL the time.

Ignore.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: At least you know I still care. You don't.
> 
> And I am not ok with a lot of things that you have been doing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry you feel that way.


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> I'm sorry you feel that way.


This is like the icing on the cake... :smthumbup:


----------



## Conrad

He's not taking the victim chair.

He's not taking her crap.

And, he's forcing her hand.

She can back away if she wishes, but this one will grind her gears for the entire weekend.


----------



## vi_bride04

OMG her fishing is utterly REDICULOUS!!!!!

She was really hoping those texts were real, huh? lol


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> He's not taking the victim chair.
> 
> He's not taking her crap.
> 
> And, he's forcing her hand.
> 
> She can back away if she wishes, but this one will grind her gears for the entire weekend.


As in feel guilt?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Ironically. 

If I didn't know any better. I'd say she wants you.


----------



## HappyKaty

hope4family said:


> I'd say she wants you.


She makes it blatantly obvious.


----------



## Conrad

hope4family said:


> Ironically.
> 
> If I didn't know any better. I'd say she wants you.


She certainly wants his attention.

She still isn't owning anything.


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> OMG her fishing is utterly REDICULOUS!!!!!
> 
> She was really hoping those texts were real, huh? lol


She sure did.

I told her that my cousin pranked me. 

She said: That was not a joke on you. It was a prank on me.

Then she said their was no way I had no knowledge of the messages were sent. That it was cruel to her. That she was up all night because of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Oh, Conrad ... did the Mets beat the Cards tonight? Umm ... thought so.


Script,

When do the Cards get to face this Harvey guy you say is unbeatable?


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> She sure did.
> 
> I told her that my cousin pranked me.
> 
> She said: That was not a joke on you. It was a prank on me.
> 
> Then she said their was no way I had no knowledge of the messages were sent. *That it was cruel to her. That she was up all night because of it.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Victim Chair at it's finest.


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> I'm sorry you feel that way.


Conrad,

It is clear who she wants. Who the hell knows how much she cares, but At some point RG is gonna have to say it.

"Get rid of him and you will see how much I care."


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Conrad,
> 
> It is clear who she wants. Who the hell knows how much she cares, but At some point RG is gonna have to say it.
> 
> "Get rid of him and you will see how much I care."


He should only say something like that if he's serious.

Also, as long as she is swearing and telling him what he does and does not care about, explaining things to her is weak.

You think she couldn't sleep last night?

Just wait until tonight.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Script,
> 
> When do the Cards get to face this Harvey guy you say is unbeatable?


Meta have no bats. Poor Harvo lost 2-1.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Meta have no bats. Poor Harvo lost 2-1.


It was today?


----------



## vi_bride04

She doesn't want RG she just wants the attention. Women like her CRAVE men fighting over her. They will play the "poor me victim game" until someone comes to her rescue. Once they are there, she will just start to sh!t on them. 

I have seen it far too often IRL with a friends stbx....in fact some of the things Mrs RG has said could have came from that friends stbx mouth!!

It's better to ignore her, RG. She is LOVING any attention you give her, even if its frustrating one liner comments. You can try to throw back in her face what she did and how its her fault the marriage is ending, but she is batsh!t crazy and will never see it. Never. Its all about her being a victim. 

Ignore her. That will drive her crazier than anything. 

Any attention she loves. Remember that. The more you respond the more she thinks you still do care.


----------



## hope4family

Honestly RG. If I would have gotten what you are getting with her. I would have strongly considered reconciliation. It's all blatantly there in black and white. 

Just need to stay alpha. Cool, firm, dispassionate.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> It was today?


Yea, yea, yea. Laugh now, cry later!


----------



## BWBill

_"Get rid of him and you will see how much I care."_

This statement implies that posom is a negotiable item. Agreeing to that is weak.

Negotiations can't even start while he is in the picture.


----------



## Conrad

hope4family said:


> Honestly RG. If I would have gotten what you are getting with her. I would have strongly considered reconciliation. It's all blatantly there in black and white.
> 
> Just need to stay alpha. Cool, firm, dispassionate.


I think it can happen if he stays the course.

He gained some serious ground today.


----------



## Lifescript

I'm confused.

Hope don't you see the craziness behind her statements. I think bride is right. She craves attention. All of a sudden, I'm not feeling that bad for giving X another chance last time. This is nothing compared to the stuff she used to send me. Made me think she really wanted me. Then I gave her a chance and ... she "showed me how much she really loved me."


----------



## vi_bride04

hope4family said:


> Honestly RG. If I would have gotten what you are getting with her. I would have strongly considered reconciliation. It's all blatantly there in black and white.


Why??? There is no remorse, there is no ownership of what she did wrong, there is nothing. Only anger, blameshifting, victim games....why would anyone R with that?


----------



## Lifescript

No ownership. That's key. If she ever starts owning up to her mistakes. Then start thinking about R.


----------



## Conrad

vi_bride04 said:


> Why??? There is no remorse, there is no ownership of what she did wrong, there is nothing. Only anger, blameshifting, victim games....why would anyone R with that?


Not currently - which is why he didn't go there.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Script,
> 
> When do the Cards get to face this Harvey guy you say is unbeatable?


He almost no hit the white sox but that is no great feat.


----------



## hope4family

vi_bride04 said:


> Why??? There is no remorse, there is no ownership of what she did wrong, there is nothing. Only anger, blameshifting, victim games....why would anyone R with that?


Not necessarily. 

You are dealing with a broken person. In the case of fixing something like this. Establishing attraction is a first step. If she "feels" like she has something that cannot be given to her by anyone else. 

Then....something may develop from it. Otherwise, he can always let her go. It's not about him reconciling all at once. But step by painful step.


----------



## tom67

Her limbic brain is going into overdrive and consciously she can't figure out why but she needs more. Crazy isn't it.:scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

hope4family said:


> Not necessarily.
> 
> You are dealing with a broken person. In the case of fixing something like this. Establishing attraction is a first step. If she "feels" like she has something that cannot be given to her by anyone else.
> 
> Then....something may develop from it. Otherwise, he can always let her go. It's not about him reconciling all at once. But step by painful step.


Hope,

100% right

Re-parenting is a long slow process that involves giving your partner the time and space to make their mistakes and learn from them, as a 5 year old would.

It's not for the faint of heart.

But... as Hope points out... undeniable subconscious attraction is one absolutely critical element of the process, perhaps the most important one.


----------



## hope4family

Conrad said:


> Hope,
> 
> 100% right
> 
> Re-parenting is a long slow process that involves giving your partner the time and space to make their mistakes and learn from them, as a 5 year old would.
> 
> It's not for the faint of heart.
> 
> But... as Hope points out... undeniable subconscious attraction is one absolutely critical element of the process, perhaps the most important one.


Telling you man. I have it written on my fridge. Read it every day. Helps me move on.


----------



## vi_bride04

Lifescript said:


> I'm confused.
> 
> Hope don't you see the craziness behind her statements. I think bride is right. She craves attention. All of a sudden, I'm not feeling that bad for giving X another chance last time. This is nothing compared to the stuff she used to send me. Made me think she really wanted me. Then I gave her a chance and ... she "showed me how much she really loved me."


:iagree:

Please RG, read between the lines and see the crazy. 

ITS ONLY ABOUT GETTING MALE ATTENTION!!!!!

Any attention. And her anger/victim games are her attempt at getting men back into her grasps and under control.

I have seen it for MONTHS with my friends stbx.....

Until she comes to you as a totally broken woman, with no anger, no victimness, no blameshifting, no defensiveness, no name calling....you should not consider R......


----------



## GutPunch

You might get laid from all this, but I don't think you will get a good wife out of it.


----------



## ReGroup

Yeah, the thought of reconciliation hasn't been much on my mind.

She won't change anytime soon.

But I'll keep giving her plenty of things to think about.

If she wants to try in the future like adults then I'll be open to it... That's probably by page 300.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Lifescript said:


> I'm confused.
> 
> Hope don't you see the craziness behind her statements. I think bride is right. She craves attention. All of a sudden, I'm not feeling that bad for giving X another chance last time. This is nothing compared to the stuff she used to send me. Made me think she really wanted me. Then I gave her a chance and ... she "showed me how much she really loved me."


Oh no I see it too. Everyone's situation is different. Your current response to your situation is appropriate. 

RG, is entitled to choosing if attraction is enough to at least attempt seeing each other without the kid for a period of longer then a child swap. 

Keep in mind. This doesn't suddenly make Mrs RG his wife again. Oh no, he is still fired. So more or less everything else will continue. 

But at least he has no regret that he didn't try. Same as you.


----------



## lostLove77

ReGroup said:


> Yeah, the thought of reconciliation hasn't been much on my mind.
> 
> She won't change anytime soon.
> 
> But I'll keep giving her plenty of things to think about.
> 
> If she wants to try in the future like adults then I'll be open to it... That's probably by page 300.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn, i got like 260 more pages to go?!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Yeah, the thought of reconciliation hasn't been much on my mind.
> 
> She won't change anytime soon.
> 
> But I'll keep giving her plenty of things to think about.
> 
> If she wants to try in the future like adults then I'll be open to it... That's probably by page 300.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You aren't even 32 years old, are you?


----------



## Tron

GutPunch said:


> You might get laid from all this, but I don't think you will get a good wife out of it.


Hysterical bonding for one night and one night only...


----------



## HappyKaty

hope4family said:


> But at least he has no regret that he didn't try. Same as you.


:iagree:

Given the opportunity, it's worth the attempt, just to walk away with no regrets.

With that being said, Mrs. RG is obviously not there, yet. But RG knows that, and he's made it clear that he isn't looking for R, right now.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> You aren't even 32 years old, are you?


Just turned 33 a few months ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Just turned 33 a few months ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A significant age.

Mav speculates that we have until age 33 to really set things on course for a good life or else we struggle mightily to course correct.

I know you were shaking earlier.

Bet you feel better now.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Given the opportunity, it's worth the attempt, just to walk away with no regrets.
> 
> With that being said, Mrs. RG is obviously not there, yet. But RG knows that, and he's made it clear that he isn't looking for R, right now.


We were looking for the opening for the question.

No harm in engaging and having her show her hand.

She's still vigorously blameshifting and seeking victimhood.

If that's all she does, this is all she'll get.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> A significant age.
> 
> Mav speculates that we have until age 33 to really set things on course for a good life or else we struggle mightily to course correct.
> 
> I know you were shaking earlier.
> 
> Bet you feel better now.


Felling tons better.

Feels like we are winning Chip.

Update: No news from her attorney.

I hope Mrs. RG enjoys her day at court tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Felling tons better.
> 
> Feels like we are winning Chip.
> 
> Update: No news from her attorney.
> 
> I hope Mrs. RG enjoys her day at court tomorrow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm certain we'll all be tuned in.


----------



## BWBill

_If she wants to try in the future like adults then I'll be open to it... That's probably by page 300._

At this rate that will be in two weeks.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Felling tons better.
> 
> Feels like we are winning Chip.
> 
> Update: No news from her attorney.
> 
> I hope Mrs. RG enjoys her day at court tomorrow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I sincerely hope she enjoys paying her (newly retained) lawyer.


----------



## Northern Monkey

33 is the golden age? Well I'll be damned if i didn't just about scrape in by a couple of months! Woohoo there's hope for me yet.

Group, great stuff on maintaining your cool. I can see what people are pointing out with signs of her realising what she is losing. Not seeing anything saying she could change but i guess it's a long process if you head down that route.

Would you really want R though or is it that you like the idea of being able to say you tried? It's just in your shoes the thought of R would be scary as hell for me.


----------



## Conrad

Northern Monkey said:


> 33 is the golden age? Well I'll be damned if i didn't just about scrape in by a couple of months! Woohoo there's hope for me yet.
> 
> Group, great stuff on maintaining your cool. I can see what people are pointing out with signs of her realising what she is losing. Not seeing anything saying she could change but i guess it's a long process if you head down that route.
> 
> Would you really want R though or is it that you like the idea of being able to say you tried? It's just in your shoes the thought of R would be scary as hell for me.


Mrs Group certainly isn't happiernow, is she?


----------



## Lifescript

I still have 3+ years left to fix me then. 

I sure hope it doesn't take that long though. 

RG is doing great. 

Taking the X back while she was still blameshifting and not fully owning her sh!t was a big mistake. 

If she gets off the victim chair, it means she's ready. Not there yet.


----------



## Mavash.

You don't have to be fixed by 33 you just need to SEE yourself and be willing to do the work by 33.

Monkey I met this deadline by 9 days. 

RG that prank gave her those pings that we hear about from cheaters.

The problem is no mortal male can compare to the fantasy she has in her head.

Even if you did recreate some stupid movie scene and get her back in 24 hours she'd be pissed at you for taking up space.

Reality is such a buzzkill.

Her problems are IN her and therefore nothing outside of her will ever make her happy long term.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Reality is such a buzzkill.
> 
> Her problems are IN her and therefore nothing outside of her will ever make her happy long term.


I wish we could all see the video clip of her at court _if_ she goes to court today - looking for retro money.

Reality would set in, yet again.

PosOm has her on a pedestal and she is still NOT "happiernow".

Her face has broken out in hives. Her moods are irratic. 

Another IV pic coming soon guys.


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> I wish we could all see the video clip of her at court _if_ she goes to court today - looking for retro money.
> 
> Reality would set in, yet again.
> 
> PosOm has her on a pedestal and she is still NOT "happiernow".
> 
> Her face has broken out in hives. Her moods are irratic.
> 
> Another IV pic coming soon guys.



it is great that you can detach and see her objectively for what she is. good luck in court


----------



## coachman

You're such an ass notch RG


----------



## Conrad

coachman said:


> You're such an ass notch RG


Did you hear he was going bald?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Did you hear he was going bald?


Well, that changes everything.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Bald and the only time he has balls is when he's bullying her for money.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Well, that changes everything.


She's going to get the judge to grant her that retro money from all he's saving on haircuts.


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> She's going to get the judge to grant her that retro money from all he's saving on haircuts.


He'll have to spend it on hats, instead...


----------



## Ceegee

Pbartender said:


> He'll have to spend it on hats, instead...


The actual ones and the ones they are talking about in Life After Divorce.


----------



## ReGroup

Team RG received the settlement offer for the first time since he came on board early Spring.

He's going to determine Child Support this weekend and have me come in on Tuesday to sign and notarize.

I will then have it mailed to her residence and be done with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Called D4 tonight...

I guess I caught her in the middle of being punished.

"I don't want to live with mommy" 10 times.

"I want to live with you"...

Mrs. RG got on the phone: She threw I temper tantrum.

I did and said the following:

It's ok to be upset
You must listen to mommy
Don't say, "you don't want to live with mommy anymore".
Mommy wants the best for you

30 minutes. She refused to get off the phone. I made numerous attempts... I'm not a phone guy.

In that time... She felt better. I gave her examples of when I was a disobedient kid... And how my mother handled me.

She kept asking for more stories... I fed her more.

She says: I only listen to you.
I said: You need to listen to us both.

Once again, I tried to get off the phone ... (Shoot me!)
She says: but I love hearing your voice.

I'll never rush off the phone ever again. Game Over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Called D4 tonight...
> 
> I guess I caught her in the middle of being punished.
> 
> "I don't want to live with mommy" 10 times.
> 
> "I want to live with you"...
> 
> Mrs. RG got on the phone: She threw I temper tantrum.
> 
> I did and said the following:
> 
> It's ok to be upset
> You must listen to mommy
> Don't say, "you don't want to live with mommy anymore".
> Mommy wants the best for you
> 
> 30 minutes. She refused to get off the phone. I made numerous attempts... I'm not a phone guy.
> 
> In that time... She felt better. I gave her examples of when I was a disobedient kid... And how my mother handled me.
> 
> She kept asking for more stories... I fed her more.
> 
> She says: I only listen to you.
> I said: You need to listen to us both.
> 
> Once again, I tried to get off the phone ... (Shoot me!)
> She says: but I love hearing your voice.
> 
> I'll never rush off the phone ever again. Game Over.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't have to be with her to be a positive influence on her.


----------



## PieceOfSky

I have heard it is good to keep a VAR on your person when there is a chance of coming in contact with your STBX. Now I know why.

RG, it's much more clear what you have had to deal with. That's extremely rough.


----------



## ReGroup

Had to come into work today, so I had Momma RG pick up the kiddo.

I instructed MRG to pick up D4 at 9am - she said ok.

At 830am MRG calls to tell me that Mrs. RG wasn't responding to her calls or text. She asked me to call MRG.

15 minutes later, MRG calls me to tells me that she got a hold of Mrs. RG and that she was on her way...

Then Mrs. RG calls me... 

Mrs. RG: Why is your mother calling me when on cozi.com it states D4 is being picked up at 9am? 

RG: She called to confirm.

Mrs. RG: D4 needs to be picked up at 9am as it states on that calendar. I have a bridal shower to go to!

RG: I have to go... (hang up).

Then she sends some text messages...

Mrs. RG: All you do is play by your own rules. You will get yours for everything that you are doing.

RG: We will see.

Mrs. RG: You can't do what you're doing to people.

RG: Who are you referring to?

- I know I shouldn't have engaged, but was curious to who she was referring to... I know she meant HER. But I wanted to have her say it.

- This coming from a person who's "requesting" extensions each Sunday. 

- This FAN will enjoy his Father's Day Weekend.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!


----------



## 06Daddio08

Do you call and confirm pick up times that are already on the calendar?


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> Do you call and confirm pick up times that are already on the calendar?


No, I don't - but my mother likes to do so.

MRG has had issues with it in the recent past... Mrs. RG a few weeks ago refused to hand over D4 to her unless it was me picking her up - only to drop her off eventually at my residence after cooling off.


----------



## ReGroup

UpDaddy, 

How long did it take for your co parenting situation to be as smooth as it is now?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> No, I don't - but my mother likes to do so.
> 
> MRG has had issues with it in the recent past... Mrs. RG a few weeks ago refused to hand over D4 to her unless it was me picking her up - only to drop her off eventually at my residence after cooling off.


Why did she refuse to allow your mother to take her?


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> Why did she refuse to allow your mother to take her?


To teach me a lesson.

It lasted 4 hours. Eventually she dropped off D4 at my mother's place.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> UpDaddy,
> 
> How long did it take for your co parenting situation to be as smooth as it is now?


Sometimes it takes a little parallel-parenting to get there. Mrs RG doesn't want the call, fine, don't call. It's illogical, petty and childish. So what, if you don't want the drama do what you have to to avoid it. Don't react to her (like you did with the question). Ignore it. 

Stick with the plan. It will get better over time by doing this. Their pettiness will stop when there's no one there to react to it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ceegee said:


> Sometimes it takes a little parallel-parenting to get there. Mrs RG doesn't want the call, fine, don't call. It's illogical, petty and childish. So what, if you don't want the drama do what you have to to avoid it. Don't react to her (like you did with the question). Ignore it.
> 
> Stick with the plan. It will get better over time by doing this. Their pettiness will stop when there's no one there to react to it.


It's the self realization that there is a form of pettiness on both sides and in the end, playing games to show "consequences", or to "prove a point" really get you nowhere in co-parenting.

If the typical behaviour is to arrive at 9 am, without call and it's written in the calendar, then regardless of who RG gets to pick up his daughter, the behavior doesn't change. Simply add to the calendar who is picking up the child instead of RG and leave it at that.

Also, after the text games and her court date, you know her well enough not to engage her. It's not your problem that she's in a mood but it's within your power to avoid hostile engagements.


----------



## HappyKaty

So, how did she respond, RG? Who was she referring to?

Did she scream, "MEEEEeeee!"


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> UpDaddy,
> 
> How long did it take for your co parenting situation to be as smooth as it is now?


It's not really about time, it's about consistency. Removing yourself from situations that simply aren't worth getting into with her. As a parent, especially to a younger child who you will be spending the next 10+ years co-parenting for, it's also important to realize that you play two roles now.

One, as a divorcing man and the other as a co-parent. Behaviors that you use as a divorcee may not be appropriate for successful co-parenting and co-parenting behaviors may not be successful in your marital divorce.

As little contact as possible when things aren't amicable, at child swap, nothing needs to be said if there isn't anything to talk about. As a father you would most likely feel better after the swap if you give your ex a simple "hello" and "goodbye" in front of your daughter. Remember, this isn't for you or your ex, it's for your girl.

At the same time, my ex isn't that bad anymore either and co-parenting must be 50 / 50 to be successful. I never asked her "what changed, why are you being so kind now?" as it's none of my business. When / if she mentions a friend or something I don't go asking her "which friend is this? where did you meet?" as it's none of my business. If she requests extra time or asks to drop the kids off early, I don't question her motives by asking her why, I simply base my answer on my day and if it's good for me or not. Or if it's in the best interest of the kids.

Now, we've done each other favors and admittedly last Saturday we got into it a tad over something I got upset about. After I realized it wasn't worth getting into over something so minor, I apologized and left it at that. She may or may not have liked me dropping it so quickly, but, that's not on me and my apology was genuine. Since then, we haven't talked other than about the kids and that hasn't been much either.

The most important thing is this, if you want good co-parenting, the games have to stop from your end. They may continue on her end with backhanded compliments, a sour attitude, blaming you for this or that and general complaints. But ignoring it and continuing on with what you are okay with in a co-parenting manner is in your best interest. As long as she's not being civil, do nothing more than what you are legally obligated to, that is your backbone. If things happen to ease up a bit, then you can become a little more flexible but it cannot be giving to get and with expectations to receive the same treatment later. It just doesn't work that way.

I still have issues from time to time with her, I may not agree with certain things or 'wish' they could go another way but I no longer vent them on her. I know it won't change anything, instead, I use my safe people to talk to. Ones that are not family or close friends (of course my safe people are friends though), so I no longer have to consistently live with questions or concerns from them and I can enjoy life at my leisure.

You are more than welcome to partake in the co-parenting thread as well, there are quite a few post-divorce members there who have co-parented rather well.


----------



## HappyKaty

Happy Father's Day, RG! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> Happy Father's Day, RG!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks girl... Enjoying the day until... The exchange.

Cordial meet up... Or that's what I thought.

D4 was taken to the park for the early afternoon. She got dirty.

So the texting ensued: Why is D4 dressed like a boy and in cloths that she can overheat in? Instead of running like a little rat into your girlfriend's car, you should be more concerned about your daughters safety and hygiene. Why didn't you feed her lunch?

2 missed calls.

Woman is bat sh*t crazy. Even on father's day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

A balding little rat. 

Damn, Group, I'm sorry to hear it, amigo. I had a similar experience today with Frostine wher I thought, wow, even on Fathers Day you have to act like this.


----------



## PieceOfSky

Bullwinkle said:


> A balding little rat.
> 
> Damn, Group, I'm sorry to hear it, amigo. I had a similar experience today with Frostine wher I thought, wow, even on Fathers Day you have to act like this.


Ok, now I was trying to resist chiming in with my sad tale from today, but, WTF?!

Day began with wife derailing the fun plans I had for us all today, and her shouting "you're an a$$whole" loud enough to wake the whole house.

On the plus side, the pop tarts inscribed with "Happy Fathers Day" that D10 delivered to me in bed were well worth the turning of my tongue blue. (Turns out that food coloring, like love from a kid, goes a long way on a special day. )

To those who are escaping, I salute you.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hey, Group, not to change the subject, but I assume you took off your wedding early-on in this debacle?


----------



## ReGroup

Bullwinkle said:


> Hey, Group, not to change the subject, but I assume you took off your wedding early-on in this debacle?


I haven't seen that thing in over a year. 

I was never into jewelry - I fiddled around with it too much. Misplaced it several times during our entire marriage.

I would have taken it off once I realized a PosOm was present.


----------



## Bullwinkle

I figured something like that. Did she stop wearing hers at some poin, I assume?


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> Hey, Group, not to change the subject, but I assume you took off your wedding early-on in this debacle?


You didn't ask my opinion but I'll give it to you anyway.

The ring was a painful reminder to me. I took it off soon after the separation. I did not do so to send any kind of message to her - just wanted any relief from the pain I could get.

She took hers off a couple of months later.


----------



## Bullwinkle

I find the whole ring thing agonizing.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Found mind unpacking on Saturday, even lost weight in these fingers. Slid on rather easily.


----------



## HappyKaty

Bullwinkle said:


> I find the whole ring thing agonizing.


Take your damn ring off, BW...

And throw it behind the stove.


----------



## Bullwinkle

I took my ring off yesterday, HK. It's in the glove compartment of my car next to the registration and a grape Tootsie Pop.


----------



## HappyKaty

Bullwinkle said:


> I took my ring off yesterday, HK. It's in the glove compartment of my car next to the registration and a grape Tootsie Pop.


:yay:

:allhail:


----------



## Suspecting

Why does she keep complaining that you don't feed your daughter?


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> Why does she keep complaining that you don't feed your daughter?


Because I am a dead beat dad, who's got better things to do... like servicing my who*res all around the city.

Kidding aside, I think she interrogates D4... When we met I told Mrs. RG that D4 would be getting hungry soon - she had an active day at the park.

She ate 2x... and D4 doesn't know how to tell time yet.


----------



## Bullwinkle

C'mon Group, stop starving the poor kid.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Because I am a dead beat dad, who's got better things to do... like servicing my who*res all around the city.
> 
> Kidding aside, I think she interrogates D4... When we met I told Mrs. RG that D4 would be getting hungry soon - she had an active day at the park.
> 
> She ate 2x... and D4 doesn't know how to tell time yet.


Nit picking. Grasping for anything to criticize. 

Every time X calls to say goodnight to D7 she asks what she had for dinner. Suggests this or that next time. 

Meanwhile she was feeding D7 starbursts and donuts for breakfast. 

It's not about the kid.


----------



## happyman64

It is almost never about the kid.

But what do you expect from wayward spouses who only think about themselves.


----------



## philglossop

Sounds like RG you're on the right path!

Shame when wayward spouses enter the fog, they forget to take a map.


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> Nit picking. Grasping for anything to criticize.


Z, I know you would never do it - I wouldn't do it either... We're Drama Triange undergrads...

But don't you wish you could yell: HEY, YOU CAUSED/OR CAUSING OUR CHILD MORE DAMAGE THAN I COULD EVER CAUSE IN 3 LIFE TIMES!

rant over... 

Needed to vent that.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hey, Z, my mother used to drink vodka and smoke cigarettes while she was making us breakfast, sometimes get ashes on the toast. But no Starbursts.


----------



## HappyKaty

Bullwinkle said:


> Hey, Z, my mother used to drink vodka and smoke cigarettes while she was making us breakfast, sometimes get ashes on the toast. But no Starbursts.


At least Starbursts cover one of the major food groups. 

-------------------

Mrs. RG will never be happy about anything. Give her what she wants, and she finds something else to b*tch about, every. single. time.

Such is the cycle with sociopaths, narcissists, and just regular ol' idiots.


----------



## zillard

Bullwinkle said:


> Hey, Z, my mother used to drink vodka and smoke cigarettes while she was making us breakfast, sometimes get ashes on the toast. But no Starbursts.


Ashes are sterile. No bigs.


----------



## hope4family

Bullwinkle said:


> Hey, Z, my mother used to drink vodka and smoke cigarettes while she was making us breakfast, sometimes get ashes on the toast. But no Starbursts.


It built character and put hair on your chest.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: What is going on with Team RG and the papers?

RG: I have a meeting with Team RG tomorrow.

Mrs. RG: About what?!

Lol


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: What is going on with Team RG and the papers?
> 
> RG: I have a meeting with Team RG tomorrow.
> 
> Mrs. RG: About what?!
> 
> Lol


Price of tea in China


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: What is going on with Team RG and the papers?
> 
> RG: I have a meeting with Team RG tomorrow.
> 
> Mrs. RG: About what?!
> 
> Lol


How did we ever marry these people? 

They see things so similar.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: What is going on with Team RG and the papers?
> 
> RG: I have a meeting with Team RG tomorrow.
> 
> Mrs. RG: About what?!
> 
> Lol


You mean you didn't just sign them?

What on earth is there to have a meeting about? Lol


----------



## BK23

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: What is going on with Team RG and the papers?
> 
> RG: I have a meeting with Team RG tomorrow.
> 
> Mrs. RG: About what?!
> 
> Lol


Man, I hope you kid takes after you in the genetic lottery. Your Ex is like a malevolent, childish Forrest Gump.


----------



## Ceegee

hope4family said:


> How did we ever marry these people?
> 
> They see things so similar.


For the sex.


----------



## hope4family

Ceegee said:


> For the sex.


I wish.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG said she stayed so long because of the sex.

I was the one turning it down... I couldn't figure out why. I know why now.

I was always high drive till I got with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Damn, RG. She must be pure Evil if you turned down sex with her. I believe she must have been just awful. It's a wonder you're not on Rikers Island getting pased around like a pack of Newports.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG said she stayed so long because of the sex.
> 
> I was the one turning it down... I couldn't figure out why. I know why now.
> 
> I was always high drive till I got with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, I thought our stories were similar. This proves otherwise.


----------



## Chuck71

just catching up with everything......i see Conrad was banned again

any one have insight why?


----------



## ReGroup

For using Mrs. RG's description of me: F.A.N. I think.

He's out on parole later this week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

LOL shame the eloquent word sleuths seem to get roughed up

but if you look through literature history, always been that way

did his comment offend the TAM board policy

or just the individual whom decided to dismiss him?


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> For using Mrs. RG's description of me: F.A.N. I think.
> 
> He's out on parole later this week.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I miss his insight.


----------



## Bullwinkle

I hope it wasn't when I pleaded for clarification as to what exactly the notch part was of the FAN. He replied with a rather descriptive visualization.

But I do wonder sometimes if there's some Church Lady roaming these threads seeking out these Crimes Against Humanity.


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> I hope it wasn't when I pleaded for clarification as to what exactly the notch part was of the FAN. He replied with a rather descriptive visualization.
> 
> But I do wonder sometimes if there's some Church Lady roaming these threads seeking out these Crimes Against Humanity.


It was for calling ReGroup a "Show stealing FAN". Not sure why that did him in. Plenty of us throwing that around.


----------



## HappyKaty

Bullwinkle said:


> But I do wonder sometimes if there's some Church Lady roaming these threads seeking out these Crimes Against Humanity.


I don't know about a "church lady", but there are regular run-of-the-mill TAM members that report posts, because they hold grudges against people they've encountered in an online community. :rofl: 

Sad life, that must be.


----------



## hope4family

Ceegee said:


> It was for calling ReGroup a "Show stealing FAN". Not sure why that did him in. Plenty of us throwing that around.


No idea what that even means.


----------



## jpr

HappyKaty said:


> I don't know about a "church lady", but there are regular run-of-the-mill TAM members that report posts, because they hold grudges against people they've encountered in an online community. :rofl:
> 
> Sad life, that must be.


I'm sorry you feel that way...but, there is no grudge here. 


I don't know about others, but I reported him (and others) for using a gay slur. ...over and over again. I thought it was particularly offensive because we have people in domestic partnerships posting on this board.

It is not funny or cute or witty. It is incredibly offensive and hateful language.


----------



## angelpixie

Same here. We don't allow the 'N' word on TAM, so why the one he used repeatedly.


----------



## HappyKaty

jpr said:


> I'm sorry you feel that way...but, there is no grudge here.


I don't recall accusing you, or anyone else in particular, of being a grudge holder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I respect everyone's opinion on the matter.

If anything, Conrad was helping me find the humor in Mrs. RG's text assult. It helped. Made me feel better. 

I'm sure he didn't do it to harm anyone - but... poke fun at Mrs. RG.


----------



## Ceegee

angelpixie said:


> Same here. We don't allow the 'N' word on TAM, so why the one he used repeatedly.


Says the woman with "boobs", "ass" and "pee-pee" in her signature.


----------



## cantmove

HappyKaty said:


> I don't recall accusing you, or anyone else in particular, of being a grudge holder.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think that she thought you were accusing her in particular. She just has no problem saying that she reported him. Lots of people around here report things but are too chickensh1t to say they did it. I respect the ones that do. And I respect the people that aren't afraid to say something is offensive when it is. Frankly, I thought this place was a little more evolved than that. I guess ignorance really is bliss.


----------



## jpr

Ohhhh....CeeGee.

There is a difference. One is a very offensive gay slur, and one is just potty humor.

Can't you see the difference?

One is directed at a very specific part of the population. ...and could prevent someone who that part of the population from feeling welcome on this board.


----------



## angelpixie

Boobs, ass and pee-pee are not slurs, are they? No. They are not. The word he used is.


----------



## Ceegee

cantmove said:


> I don't think that she thought you were accusing her in particular. She just has no problem saying that she reported him. Lots of people around here report things but are too chickensh1t to say they did it. I respect the ones that do. And I respect the people that aren't afraid to say something is offensive when it is. Frankly, I thought this place was a little more evolved than that. I guess ignorance really is bliss.


Wow, wait a minute. HappyKaty wasn't calling out anyone in particular. And no one was condoning the use of the word in question. She should not be subject to this type of bullying. Just as no one should be subject to the vulgar words stated above.


----------



## GutPunch

Seems like the only socially acceptable person to make fun of
these days is a middle aged white man in Alabama.

Wait....that's me and IDGAF.

Toughen up people. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

angelpixie said:


> Boobs, ass and pee-pee are not slurs, are they? No. They are not. The word he used is.


No, they are not. I have no beef with you at all. It was in jest. 

However, I can see how someone might take offense to it.


----------



## HappyKaty

jpr said:


> One is directed at a very specific part of the population. ...and could prevent someone who that part of the population from feeling welcome on this board.


The same could be said for religious persons. They, too, are a specific part of society, and the potty mouth language would likely turn them away.

I'm not claiming to be righteous, but call it what it is. Offensive is offensive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

All I can say is, wow. And all this time I thought my thread was the most offensive.


----------



## cantmove

Ceegee said:


> Wow, wait a minute. HappyKaty wasn't calling out anyone in particular. And no one was condoning the use of the word in question. She should not be subject to this type of bullying. Just as no one should be subject to the vulgar words stated above.



Apparently you misread what I said. Nothing I said was directed at anyone in particular. Ignorance is bliss was directed at myself. I"m the last person that can be considered a bully.


----------



## Ceegee

cantmove said:


> Apparently you misread what I said. Nothing I said was directed at anyone in particular. Ignorance is bliss was directed at myself. I the last person that can be considered a bully.


Then I apologize. :toast:


----------



## cantmove

Bullwinkle said:


> All I can say is, wow. And all this time I thought my thread was the most offensive.


I used to be a part of Bandits thread. Clearly I'm not offended by anything. I was just making a point.


----------



## angelpixie

A slur -- a derogatory word that demeans a person or a community -- is not the same as a type of humor that targets no one, but who some people do not find funny.


----------



## jpr

HappyKaty said:


> The same could be said for religious persons. They, too, are a specific part of society, and the potty mouth language would likely turn them away.
> 
> I'm not claiming to be righteous, but call it what it is. Offensive is offensive.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Okay....I guess I am not explaining myself very well.

Yes, I am sure that a lot of things that people say on this board can be deemed offensive to others. I know my words can be offensive to others. 

However, a gay slur is an attack on a certain section of the population.

The word that was being thrown around is equivalent to the n-word. ...or the c-word.

It isn't just distasteful...It is hate speech.


----------



## angelpixie

GutPunch said:


> Seems like the only socially acceptable person to make fun of
> these days is a middle aged white man in Alabama.


No, I'd add to your list overweight people, atheists, Walmart shoppers, vegans...pretty much anyone not like the person doing the ridiculing.


----------



## cantmove

GutPunch said:


> Seems like the only socially acceptable person to make fun of
> these days is a middle aged white man in Alabama.
> 
> Wait....that's me and IDGAF.
> 
> Toughen up people.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Hey, watch yourself. I'm a middle aged white WOMAN from Alabama.


----------



## cantmove

angelpixie said:


> No, I'd add to your list overweight people, atheists, Walmart shoppers, vegans...pretty much anyone not like the person doing the ridiculing.



You forgot about the pet lovers. Nevermind, I'll get tossed out of here on my a$$ if I make fun of them.


----------



## cantmove

Y'all can make fun of me. I don't care.I know I'm awesome!


----------



## Ceegee

What about zombies? I hate those ba5tard5.


----------



## cantmove

Zombies it is!


----------



## HappyKaty

Anyway.

RG, you have nothing interesting for us?

None of MrsRG's "I-am-woman-hear-me-roar" attempts at justification?


----------



## ReGroup

No, she just asked for an update on the meeting.

Taking place at 4 today.

Hopefully it's ready to be signed and the 6 month clock will start when she files.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

Eeeeekk! You a little nervous?


----------



## ReGroup

I am excited and nervous... I am hoping everything is good to go.

I'm going to treat myself to a beer or 2 afterwards.

All my friends, co workers, and family are excited about it. Lol.

I feel bad for D4 ... But it's for the best... D4 told me that her mommy says many bad things about me and that Mrs. RG only has fun with D4 and PosOm.

So yeah, lets get this thing over with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I am excited and nervous... I am hoping everything is good to go.
> 
> I'm going to treat myself to a beer or 2 afterwards.
> 
> All my friends, co workers, and family are excited about it. Lol.
> 
> I feel bad for D4 ... But it's for the best... D4 told me that her mommy says many bad things about me and that Mrs. RG only has fun with D4 and PosOm.
> 
> So yeah, lets get this thing over with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Remind me, this is just a meeting with you and your attorney, right? Mrs RG won't be there will she?


----------



## hope4family

Filing was a big moment for me. I felt a lot of relief. I hope when you are served that you get a sense of relief as well.


----------



## ReGroup

Just Team RG...

The settlement should be good to go.

H4F... I think you are right. I am feeling more relaxed day by day. I want to get to your comfort level and breathe again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Do you know what's in the papers?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Do you know what's in the papers?


I think he changed the language to secure that I would not be paying more than I have to.

Child support modifications as well.

This is feeling unreal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

When you are ready we can meet and I will buy you those beers....


----------



## Mavash.

I meant do you know what team fantasy asked for?


----------



## ReGroup

Team Fantasy caved on it's demands... I have most weekends with my daughter, she won't get extra support over the summer if she isn't working and she needs to match my life insurance figure that they originally requested.

And it turns out she will be getting less in support.

No retro either.

I make a whole lot more money than I did last year... But last year's sum is what's being used.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> D4 told me that her mommy says many bad things about me and that Mrs. RG only has fun with D4 and PosOm.
> 
> So yeah, lets get this thing over with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Shame on her face; although, I'm not surprised.

H4F is right. Filing is the equivalent of removing an elephant from your chest. You can breathe easier knowing you finally stood up for yourself.


----------



## GutPunch

cantmove said:


> Hey, watch yourself. I'm a middle aged white WOMAN from Alabama.


How you doin?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Good on you, Group.

Now you can jump in the wh**e's car like a little rat again.


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Team Fantasy caved on it's demands... I have most weekends with my daughter, she won't get extra support over the summer if she isn't working and she needs to match my life insurance figure that they originally requested.
> 
> And it turns out she will be getting less in support.
> 
> No retro either.
> 
> I make a whole lot more money than I did last year... But last year's sum is what's being used.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Reality is a witch. 



HappyKaty said:


> Shame on her face; although, I'm not surprised.
> 
> H4F is right. Filing is the equivalent of removing an elephant from your chest. You can breathe easier knowing you finally stood up for yourself.


It will help. Just to know that at this point your finances are separated.


----------



## ReGroup

Alright... I am going in.

My penmanship on the settlement agreement will be bold and loud.

Will be thinking of you folks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

Good luck, RG!!! Thinking of you, too!


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Alright... I am going in.
> 
> My penmanship on the settlement agreement will be bold and loud.
> 
> Will be thinking of you folks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


May the force be with you, young Jedi.


----------



## ReGroup

Like Chip says: Things are not turning out the way she wanted them to.

She lost 2K a year.

She can ask for a modification in 3 years for a cost of living adjustments.

I signed the last page of the settlement... Team Fantasy has to make final modifications, have her sign and then file.

Lawyer laughed off the retro.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Like Chip says: Things are not turning out the way she wanted them to.
> 
> She lost 2K a year.
> 
> *She can ask for a modification in 3 years for a cost of living adjustments.*
> 
> I signed the last page of the settlement... Team Fantasy has to make a final modification, have her signed and then file.
> 
> Lawyer laughed off the retro.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When hopefully she has a job that actually pays money. 

The floor fell under her faster then she realized.


----------



## hope4family

Oh, if she pushes for more money, i'd counter with more time with your child.


----------



## GutPunch

hope4family said:


> Oh, if she pushes for more money, i'd counter with more time with your child.


and definitely make her cough up how much her pay increased.


----------



## zillard

Can't wait for the next text bombing.


----------



## hope4family

zillard said:


> Can't wait for the next text bombing.


Sorry couldn't help myself. :rofl:


----------



## Pbartender

zillard said:


> Can't wait for the next text bombing.





hope4family said:


> Sorry couldn't help myself. :rofl:


"Shall we play a game?"


----------



## ReGroup

Just got word tuition is going up next year.

Having my beer.

HappyMan... Let's do this. We'll invite Script and cruise The Soho Strip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nucking Futs

Ceegee said:


> What about zombies? I hate those ba5tard5.


I'm going to have to report this post. Zombies deserve better treatment than to be compared to politicians.


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> Just got word tuition is going up next year.
> 
> Having my beer.
> 
> HappyMan... Let's do this. We'll invite Script and cruise The Soho Strip.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



what does that mean for you financially? does signing this settlement mean that you can divorce now? 

are you close to being legally severed from Mrs RG now


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Per your meeting yesterday, what’s going on?

RG: Your move.

Mrs. RG: Huh? Are you still on my insurance that I’m paying for or have you switched over?

RG: Everything is done on our end. In regards to insurance – I need The Divorce Papers or Open Season to arrive – whichever comes first.

Mrs. RG: What does everything is done on our end mean?
That’s not necessarily true. I had no problem with me paying for your therapy and medical but being that you have not shown good faith on your end with assisting for cost associated with D4, I’m taking you off.

RG: I won’t stand in your way.

Mrs. RG: You can’t stand in the way.

Mrs. RG: I need to know what the outcome of the meeting was yesterday and what the next step means. Did you contact my attorney?

RG: It is your responsibility to get a hold of your attorney – not mine.

Mrs. RG: I’m not asking you to get in touch with my attorney. I’m asking you what happened?
----------------------------------------------
I won’t respond any further… I’ll have her attorney tell her the news.

Trying any way to twist my arm.


----------



## 06Daddio08

She shouldn't be asking you anything, her attorney is her information giver.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Per your meeting yesterday, what’s going on?
> 
> RG: Your move.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Huh? Are you still on my insurance that I’m paying for or have you switched over?
> 
> RG: Everything is done on our end. In regards to insurance – I need The Divorce Papers or Open Season to arrive – whichever comes first.
> 
> Mrs. RG: What does everything is done on our end mean?
> That’s not necessarily true. I had no problem with me paying for your therapy and medical but being that you have not shown good faith on your end with assisting for cost associated with D4, I’m taking you off.
> 
> RG: I won’t stand in your way.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You can’t stand in the way.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I need to know what the outcome of the meeting was yesterday and what the next step means. *Did you contact my attorney?*
> 
> RG: It is your responsibility to get a hold of your attorney – not mine.
> 
> Mrs. RG: *I’m not asking you to get in touch with my attorney.* I’m asking you what happened?
> ----------------------------------------------
> I won’t respond any further… I’ll have her attorney tell her the news.
> 
> Trying any way to twist my arm.


Vintage Mrs RG.

She can't take you off insurance until the divorce is final, right? You giving her just enough rope to hang herself?


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> I’m taking you off.
> 
> You can’t stand in the way.


Wait a minute... Until the divorce is final, how can she take you off outside of open enrollment?



ReGroup said:


> Did you contact my attorney?
> 
> I’m not asking you to get in touch with my attorney.


:rofl:

Oh boy, does that sound familiar...

_"I wasn't using the kids as messengers... I just thought they'd tell you."_ *- AXW*


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Thanks for answering my question. I hope (girl's name) knows what she's in for.

We know what PosOm is in for. Lol


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Thanks for answering my question. I hope (girl's name) knows what she's in for.
> 
> We know what PosOm is in for. Lol


I give om less than a year before he bolts.


----------



## hope4family

You know what shocks me more then this stupidity? 

If the rolls were reversed, like with my ex-wife. She would be pissed that after you were divorced you dropped her from insurance, and didn't tell her. :'( 

Meanwhile, here we see the rolls slightly reversed. She threatens to just drop you. I nice illegal thing I might add. Wayward spouses are crazy.


----------



## Suspecting

Any reason you are not going for 50/50 custody?


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> RG: I won’t stand in your way.
> 
> *Mrs. RG: You can’t stand in the way.*


LOL!

Nothing's ever good enough.

Give Mrs. Defiant what she wants and she's still a b*tch about it.


----------



## Pbartender

hope4family said:


> If the rolls were reversed, like with my ex-wife. She would be pissed that after you were divorced you dropped her from insurance, and didn't tell her. :'(
> 
> Meanwhile, here we see the rolls slightly reversed. She threatens to just drop you. I nice illegal thing I might add. Wayward spouses are crazy.


Yep. That's what happened to me last fall. We hadn't even filed yet, and AXW dropped me from the family medical insurance plan... then didn't tell me until open enrollment was already over. issed:



HappyKaty said:


> LOL!
> 
> Nothing's ever good enough.
> 
> Give Mrs. Defiant what she wants and she's still a b*tch about it.


The funny thing is... of course, he can't get in the way... there's nothing to stand in the way of.


----------



## HappyKaty

Pbartender said:


> The funny thing is... of course, he can't in the way... there's nothing to stand in the way of.


She just has to have the last word. She has made that blatantly obvious with all her ridiculous one-line jabs, after each of RG's responses.

That'll get old, with posOM, real quick.


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> That'll get old, with posOM, real quick.


One can only keep Best Behavior going for so long.

Or, he could be a Nice Guy and turn into ME - the former ME.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> One can only keep Best Behavior going for so long.
> 
> Or, he could be a Nice Guy and turn into ME - the former ME.


Probably not until you're out of the picture. She has you to dump her crap on right now so he's not getting all of it, yet.


----------



## HappyKaty

Ceegee said:


> Probably not until you're out of the picture. She has you to dump her crap on right now so he's not getting all of it, yet.


True story. 

It's not gonna happen until the D is final. That's when he'll meet the real MrsRG.


----------



## ReGroup

I get daily text messages from our joint bank account...

It hit a negative balance of $100.

Damn.

A 3rd of the support payment will go towards clearing that up.

Tough economic times coming for Mrs. RG.


----------



## Awakening2012

When will she be Ex-Mrs. RG? 

Or does that depend on when you get back to her to tell her what happened in your meeting, and what it means that everything is done on your end? LOL!


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> I get daily text messages from our joint bank account...
> 
> It hit a negative balance of $100.
> 
> Damn.
> 
> A 3rd of the support payment will go towards clearing that up.
> 
> Tough economic times coming for Mrs. RG.


That increase in tuition is gonna hit her like a ton of bricks.


----------



## ReGroup

Awakening2012 said:


> When will she be Ex-Mrs. RG?
> 
> Or does that depend on when you get back to her to tell her what happened in your meeting, and what it means that everything is done on your end? LOL!


6 months after she files - Jan or Feb 2014.


----------



## Suspecting

Why can't you file?


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> Why can't you file?


She wanted the divorce - it's hers... and she'll pay for all of it.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> She wanted the divorce - it's hers... and she'll pay for all of it.


Then I guess you'll just have to shut up and eat your goddamn lemons.


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> She wanted the divorce - it's hers... and she'll pay for all of it.



does she know that you are not filing for divorce because you want her to conclude what she initiated. i am wondering if she thinks you are pining for her and holding a candle for her because you have not divorced her. yet you are acting aloof and uninterested in her. so her hamster thinks that deep inside you want her and she is trying to draw this process out so that you confess that you still love her, thereby feeding her ego and need for validation


----------



## ReGroup

catcalls said:


> does she know that you are not filing for divorce because you want her to conclude what she initiated. i am wondering if she thinks you are pining for her and holding a candle for her because you have not divorced her. yet you are acting aloof and uninterested in her. so her hamster thinks that deep inside you want her and she is trying to draw this process out so that you confess that you still love her, thereby feeding her ego and need for validation


If that's what she hopes for, she'll be waiting till the day she dies.

Though, it's a very interesting perspective CC.

She thinks I have entered a new relationship with another woman and having my way with other women in the city.

If she doesn't file by September - I will initiate. But that would mean she gets no additional support for daycare - so I don't see her doing that.


----------



## Suspecting

So in other words you are still hoping she changes her mind and wants to reconcile?


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> So in other words you are still hoping she changes her mind and wants to reconcile?


No, I want to continue working on myself, raise a healthy child, and meet a sane woman.


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> No, I want to continue working on myself, raise a healthy child, and meet a sane woman.


good, there are plenty of other women who can be much better wives and people. and you deserve someone who cherishes you and does not try to undermine you at every instant, not to mention cheats on you. she is no keeper


----------



## GutPunch

I still think ReGroup needs to coax her back for one more plowing and then tell her to hit the road. Would you call that working on yourself? She's close.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> No, I want to continue working on myself, raise a healthy child, and meet a sane woman.


Sane women are HOT!


----------



## HappyKaty

GutPunch said:


> I still think ReGroup needs to coax her back for one more plowing and then tell her to hit the road. Would you call that working on yourself? She's close.


I second this.

It wouldn't be hard, either. Just get the cousin to send her a few more messages and tell her you sent them.


----------



## GutPunch

HappyKaty said:


> I second this.
> 
> It wouldn't be hard, either. Just get the cousin to send her a few more messages and tell her you sent them.


I kind of want her to just throw herself at him.


----------



## HappyKaty

GutPunch said:


> I kind of want her to just throw herself at him.


She was pretty damn close to doing so, when she'd convinced herself that RG sent the text messages to her.


----------



## Ceegee

GutPunch said:


> I still think ReGroup needs to coax her back for one more plowing and then tell her to hit the road. Would you call that working on yourself? She's close.


Agreed. RG needs a "happy ending".


----------



## Bullwinkle

Coax her back for one more plowing? God love you, GP.


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> Coax her back for one more plowing? God love you, GP.


Don't get any ideas BW.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Thought about it tonight. A lot. I'm beginning to think every relationship should include, perhaps written into the Separation Agreement, that here be a Final Plowing.


----------



## Chuck71

it's nice to be aware of the final plow when it occurs.

throw her a curve and wear a condom


----------



## Northern Monkey

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Bullwinkle said:


> Thought about it tonight. A lot. I'm beginning to think every relationship should include, perhaps written into the Separation Agreement, that here be a Final Plowing.


Down boy, you already had yours.


----------



## Pbartender

Northern Monkey said:


> Down boy, you already had yours.


Twice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... No more plowing for me!

Negative balance on joint account is now: 130 dollars.

Overdraft fees are piling up. D4 is in a new daycare - I don't where.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Lol... No more plowing for me!
> 
> Negative balance on joint account is now: 130 dollars.
> 
> Overdraft fees are piling up. D4 is in a new daycare - I don't where.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't know what daycare your daughter is in?


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> You don't know what daycare your daughter is in?


UpDaddy, I am not forking over what Mrs. RG's feels ideal child support allotment - therefore I should not be in the know.

Yes, she's a School Psych.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> UpDaddy, I am not forking over what Mrs. RG's feels ideal child support allotment - therefore I should not be in the know.
> 
> Yes, she's a School Psych.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Being in the know was placed within the paperwork I hope.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Lol... No more plowing for me!
> 
> Negative balance on joint account is now: 130 dollars.
> 
> Overdraft fees are piling up. D4 is in a new daycare - I don't where.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is the joint account just used for support payments?


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> Is the joint account just used for support payments?


Yes dear... So tomorrows support payment will cut significantly to pay off the overdraft fees.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Are you seeing D4 this weekend, it's not on the calendar.

RG: It's on the calendar.

Mrs. RG: It wasn't there last weekend when I checked. Lay off!

Lol... It was updated weeks ago. Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed. It sucks to suck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Lay off!


Wow... She's really spoiling for a fight, isn't she? Scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for something to complain about.


----------



## Chuck71

LOL overdraft fees....... why does that sound familiar?


----------



## hope4family

Perhaps she should get her lay........on?


----------



## coachman

Lay off already RG...

You're just a bald, deadbeat ass notch!


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Yes dear... So tomorrows support payment will cut significantly to pay off the overdraft fees.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's fantastic. Expect a nuclear meltdown, tomorrow.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Get her lay on - good line, Hope4.

Maybe it's just me but this talk of final plows has got me all a twitter.


----------



## hope4family

Bullwinkle said:


> Get her lay on - good line, Hope4.
> 
> Maybe it's just me but this talk of final plows has got me all a twitter.


I didn't really have a final plow. 

But I do remember one last night where she crossed just about every boundary she ever had. I honestly thought it was a sign of things getting better. I think we had relations one more pathetic time after that.

1 month later she was gone. SMH.


----------



## Chuck71

Would have considered a final plow. But the work beforehand would be exhausting

Buttering the doors, grabbing trailer hitch, getting multi purpose car jack

Handing her Cheetos and wearing a catchers mask

to avoid flying debris spewing from mouth as she shouted instructions

Luckily I found a bottle of whiskey I misplaced

and Major League was on HBO


----------



## Bullwinkle

Wow. Cheetos and a catcher's mask. And stuck in the window.


----------



## Chuck71

BW She wanted to watch The Hunger Games, take a guess why!


----------



## ReGroup

Need some tips.

2 weeks ago I updated cozi.com all the way through September.

Mrs. RG: RG, 

I appreciate the calendar for August being done, however, those weekends do not work for me...the default, is the first three weekends for you....

I am unable to have her the weekend of the 3rd, and the 17th....I need her for the weekend of the 24th but am willing to be flexible for that...

- The hypocrisy is that she marked the first weekend of July as hers. It's BS - she doesn't need D4 on the 24th of August - she's negotiating (lie). 

- I have plans on the first weekend of August. 

Negotiate, Bend, or Be a Bad Azz...?

She's being nice again! LOL


----------



## ReGroup

And no, there are no default settings.


----------



## Awakening2012

Hi RG - 

Ugh, this calendar and scheduling back and forth would drive me NUTS! It is one more way she uses to manipulate and try to exert control. I get that once a regular custody sharing schedule is put in place, there still has to be room for flexibility on occasion, but that should be the exception once both parties have agreed to a negotiated regular schedule.

I feel for you, I would find that kind of needling and wrangling very irritating to say the least. I guess you have come to expect such behavior, since she has proven herself to be quite irrational. Kudos to you handling it as calmly as possible.

Best Wishes, A12


----------



## HappyKaty

I wouldn't budge. 

She threatened you until you filled out the calendar, and afterwards, it's still not good enough. If she can't 'have her' on her weekends, then she needs to hire a sitter and take the account to a whole new level of negative.


----------



## GutPunch

With her I don't think it is a good idea to not have a default plan. This will be a problem for many moons. Mrs. ReG will use it to punish you for years to come. You need an out if there is an impasse cuz I do not trust her to do the right thing. Matter of fact I'm pretty sure she will do the exact opposite.


----------



## hope4family

GutPunch said:


> With her I don't think it is a good idea to not have a default plan. This will be a problem for many moons. Mrs. ReG will use it to punish you for years to come. You need an out if there is an impasse cuz I do not trust her to do the right thing. Matter of fact I'm pretty sure she will do the exact opposite.


Agree to a plan. A set schedule. See what happens.


----------



## ReGroup

Egg on my face... 

RG: The first weekend of August does not work for me.

I was not aware that by default – the first 3 weekends of each month D4 would be under my care.

Mrs. RG: I will be out of town and will not have D4... 

see previous emails and divorce papers...first three weekends in order to create consistency. Because I am awesome, I have told you that I am willing to be flexible, however, it is something that must be discussed. The first weekend is your time and you will be responsible in rearranging your plans or making other arrangements. I am ALWAYS more than flexible but the weekend of the 3rd, I cannot be flexible with. 

It is your responsibility to make other arrangements as that is your time. default to stipulation papers.

She's right.


----------



## Bullwinkle

There's nothing worse than having to admit she's right.


----------



## hope4family

Nonsense, its probably a step in the right direction.


----------



## Mavash.

hope4family said:


> Nonsense, its probably a step in the right direction.


Agree even screwed up people are right occasionally.


----------



## ReGroup

"Because I am awesome, I have told you that I am willing to be flexible, however, it is something that must be discussed."

She's so full of herself.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> "Because I am awesome, I have told you that I am willing to be flexible, however, it is something that must be discussed."
> 
> She's so full of herself.


Yeah, I chuckled when I read that. 

She's like a child. "Look at me daddy...I was right!" 

Ugh.

Definitely get a default plan in place. Eventually, it will be *the* plan because anything different will cause too much drama.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> "Because I am awesome, I have told you that I am willing to be flexible, however, it is something that must be discussed."
> 
> She's so full of herself.


Ah come on she's been waiting for months to say this.

I laugh when people do this now.

Its a pathetic plea for one upmanship.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Ah come on she's been waiting for months to say this.
> 
> I laugh when people do this now.
> 
> Its a pathetic plea for one upmanship.


Love your sense of humor Mavi...

I responded with: I will modify the calendar accordingly to project the agreement. 

She won't rock my boat... or at least I won't show it to her.


----------



## Mavash.

RG once you learn to see through people consistently life gets so incredibly easy.

It's awesome!!!

I watched a middle aged man bait my husband for a compliment.

He missed the cue but it was funny as hell to me.

Thought what does he care what my husband thinks?

Ah but he needs that validation....


----------



## Chuck71

Was the default in place during the Mothers Day kidnapping?


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> Love your sense of humor Mavi...
> 
> I responded with: I will modify the calendar accordingly to project the agreement.
> 
> She won't rock my boat... or at least I won't show it to her.


i think you are really maturing well and keeping your eye on the prize, i.e. being with your D and being happy. 

You've Come a Long Way, Baby as Fatboy Slim would say


----------



## Ceegee

Orale RG. How's it going? Weekend go OK?


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Orale RG. How's it going? Weekend go OK?


What is up Amigo - had a great weekend with D4.

Morning was pleasant till just now:

Mrs. RG: If you are going to give D4 the adjusted income 17% percent of $xxx.00 as per your lawyers calculations, that means that you are honoring the stipulation, as a result, you should be paying for half of D4's daycare costs....

RG: Yes, I will honor the stipulation.

Going foward, I will require verification that you're working and that D4 is indeed in daycare. 

Time sheets will be provided (or something similar) with dates and hours worked - as mentioned 2 weeks ago. 

I need the name, weekly bill, address and contact information of the daycare.

If you have an advanced schedule of the days and times you're working during the course of the Summer it will greatly appreciated - to budget accordinly.

July 5th is the next pay period. Please provide verification on a timely fashion to ensure no difficulties.

Mrs. RG: I will not be giving you time sheets..., you either take my word for it or you dont....

D4 has been in daycare since Last Monday....$250.00 a week, I have alrady paid last week and this week...so you owe me for last week and this week

I work until Friday....

I return to work on July 8th, as a result D4 will resume daycare on July 8th, until I finish working which is August 2nd.
She will be there part time which will be $150.00 a week, as I have shorter summer hours.

* Woman is hell bent of making things difficult - even for a reasonable request... never any compromising.


----------



## Conrad

No timesheets - No payment


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> What is up Amigo - had a great weekend with D4.
> 
> Morning was pleasant till just now:
> 
> Mrs. RG: If you are going to give D4 the adjusted income 17% percent of $xxx.00 as per your lawyers calculations, that means that you are honoring the stipulation, as a result, you should be paying for half of D4's daycare costs....
> 
> RG: Yes, I will honor the stipulation.
> 
> Going foward, I will require verification that you're working and that D4 is indeed in daycare.
> 
> Time sheets will be provided (or something similar) with dates and hours worked - as mentioned 2 weeks ago.
> 
> I need the name, weekly bill, address and contact information of the daycare.
> 
> If you have an advanced schedule of the days and times you're working during the course of the Summer it will greatly appreciated - to budget accordinly.
> 
> July 5th is the next pay period. Please provide verification on a timely fashion to ensure no difficulties.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I will not be giving you time sheets..., you either take my word for it or you dont....
> 
> D4 has been in daycare since Last Monday....$250.00 a week, I have alrady paid last week and this week...so you owe me for last week and this week
> 
> I work until Friday....
> 
> I return to work on July 8th, as a result D4 will resume daycare on July 8th, until I finish working which is August 2nd.
> She will be there part time which will be $150.00 a week, as I have shorter summer hours.
> 
> * Woman is hell bent of making things difficult - even for a reasonable request... never any compromising.


Stipulations only apply to you? That's an interesting arrangement. 

It's only going to be difficult for her. As she says, "you either take my word for it or you dont...." Sounds fair to me.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Stipulations only apply to you? That's an interesting arrangement.
> 
> It's only going to be difficult for her. As she says, "you either take my word for it or you dont...." Sounds fair to me.


After she shacked up with posOM, I wouldn't "take her word" on anything - ever.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> No timesheets - No payment


I would tell her this. Quite reasonable.


----------



## GutPunch

tom67 said:


> I would tell her this. Quite reasonable.


Agreed


----------



## Lifescript

It's only fair that she gives you the bill. It's not like you are saying you won't pay.


----------



## Chuck71

If the day care is legit, you should have no problem in showing work days

but this is not a money issue, it is control issue

Mrs. ReG does not like it when Group talks to her as if she is a man

that is how proper business is done

any time Mrs. ReG takes any time off she is required to give reason why

or to rebate stipend, meal receipts, lodging, etc....never bothered her before

BUT NOW.......Group is holding her accountable for every single thing

Mrs. ReG is sitting on her patio wondering "WTF did ReGroup go, 

I loved him so much. He did exactly as I wanted him to. Now he is making

me be accountable. Fvk him! Who does he think he is?"


Group.....when her b-day comes up, buy her a mini Coke machine


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> If the day care is legit, you should have no problem in showing work days
> 
> but this is not a money issue, it is control issue
> 
> Mrs. ReG does not like it when Group talks to her as if she is a man
> 
> that is how proper business is done
> 
> any time Mrs. ReG takes any time off she is required to give reason why
> 
> or to rebate stipend, meal receipts, lodging, etc....never bothered her before
> 
> BUT NOW.......Group is holding her accountable for every single thing
> 
> Mrs. ReG is sitting on her patio wondering "WTF did ReGroup go,
> 
> I loved him so much. He did exactly as I wanted him to. Now he is making
> 
> me be accountable. Fvk him! Who does he think he is?"
> 
> 
> Group.....when her b-day comes up, *buy her a mini Coke machine*


An empty one, obviously.


----------



## vi_bride04

You'd have an easier time getting Cookie Monster to stop with the cookies than you would a WS to ever be accountable for their actions!


----------



## Mavash.

It's funny when people you know can't be trusted want you to take their word.

She's a pathological liar.

I wouldn't trust a time sheet either - too easily altered.

I'd want a pay stub showing hours worked.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> It's funny when people you know can't be trusted want you to take their word.
> 
> She's a pathological liar.
> 
> I wouldn't trust a time sheet either - too easily altered.
> 
> I'd want a pay stub showing hours worked.


Ok.. Group...

Here's what you send back.

"I've been thinking it over and you're right. There's no need for a timesheet. I'll need to see your pay stub before I forward money"


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> Ok.. Group...
> 
> Here's what you send back.
> 
> "I've been thinking it over and you're right. There's no need for a timesheet. I'll need to see your pay stub before I forward money"


LOL....This is awesome. Send it Group.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: You can have copies of my checks. After they have been cashed. Paystub for what?

She clearly doesn't recognize I don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: You can have copies of my checks. After they have been cashed. Paystub for what?
> 
> She clearly doesn't recognize I don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth.


She is a trip.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: You can have copies of my checks. After they have been cashed. Paystub for what?
> 
> She clearly doesn't recognize I don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth.


I don't think there's anything left to do until it's time for her to come collect. When she needs the money she'll be much more agreeable.


----------



## HappyKaty

Ceegee said:


> I don't think there's anything left to do until it's time for her to come collect. When she needs the money she'll be much more agreeable.


She needs $250 now, yeah?

I bet she'll forward that stub within a week.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

HappyKaty said:


> She needs $250 now, yeah?
> 
> I bet she'll forward that stub within a week.


She wants that new purse...


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I don't think there's anything left to do until it's time for her to come collect. When she needs the money she'll be much more agreeable.


First of the month is next week.


----------



## vi_bride04

Man she really doesn't want to show you what hours she may or may not be working, does she???


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> First of the month is next week.


He has until she calls/emails regarding the payment.


----------



## ReGroup

She wants me to lay down and submit to her threats, rules, and any other bs she has to offer.

I'm not having it.

Team RG said she's required to provide proof. I have her on email stating she's not submitting anything but her word.

This is on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Ceegee said:


> He has until she calls/emails regarding the payment.


Mrs RG: Where's my money?

RG: Where's my documentation?

Who wins?


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Mrs RG: Where's my money?
> 
> RG: Where's my documentation?
> 
> Who wins?


Team Fantasy circling the drain.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> She wants me to lay down and submit to her threats, rules, and any other bs she has to offer.
> 
> I'm not having it.
> 
> Team RG said she's required to provide proof. I have her on email stating she's not submitting anything but her word.
> 
> This is on her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep won't look good if she motions you to a court hearing regarding this.


----------



## Conrad

This entire time she's been angling to live like a parasite off ReGroup this summer.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> This entire time she's been angling to live like a parasite off ReGroup this summer.


I think she values control over all else. Getting her mits on his greenbacks is just part of that control.


----------



## GutPunch

With all those overdrafts, I would make sure I was a few days late on any payments. 

I think I am kidding but I am not really sure.


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> With all those overdrafts, I would make sure I was a few days late on any payments.
> 
> I think I am kidding but I am not really sure.


She is reckless with money. This won't be the last time this happens.

I was the finance guy in the relationship - I had to teach her the benefits of budgeting her money in order to pay off her student loans.

I detailed a plan for her to having everything paid off in 5 years. The fifth year is here and she owes the same amount.

I don't see any of that changing. Required if you ask me - living in this city.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She is reckless with money.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let's stay at 50,000 and list the things she ISN'T reckless with.


----------



## Nucking Futs

GutPunch said:


> With all those overdrafts, I would make sure I was a few days late on any payments.
> 
> I think I am kidding but I am not really sure.


Bad idea. Don't give her any reason to blame her overdrafts on RG. She doesn't really need a reason, but he needs to be able to point to a perfect payment history to prove none are his fault.


----------



## 06Daddio08

If you're paying half of the daycare costs, have them bill you for it directly. Absolutely no need for her to play middle man on it.


----------



## Conrad

06Daddio08 said:


> If you're paying half of the daycare costs, have them bill you for it directly. Absolutely no need for her to play middle man on it.


Not obligated to pay them if she's not working.


----------



## Ceegee

06Daddio08 said:


> If you're paying half of the daycare costs, have them bill you for it directly. Absolutely no need for her to play middle man on it.


The amount RG is liable for is directly tied to Mrs RG's work schedule. He needs to know her hours to determine the amount due her.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Not obligated to pay them if she's not working.






Ceegee said:


> The amount RG is liable for is directly tied to Mrs RG's work schedule. He needs to know her hours to determine the amount due her.


Ah, court ordered pay stub submission time!


----------



## ReGroup

She's still asking, "Why?"...

How I wasn't driven MAD in a decade is beyond me.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She's still asking, "Why?"...
> 
> How I wasn't driven MAD in a decade is beyond me.


"Team RG requires documentation for all invoices"


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> She's still asking, "Why?"...
> 
> How I wasn't driven MAD in a decade is beyond me.


Try this maybe?

"You just want to fight me in every way possible. Except for what u should fight for. You are making all of this harder than it needs to be."


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Try this maybe?
> 
> "You just want to fight me in every way possible. Except for what u should fight for. You are making all of this harder than it needs to be."


Not that - victim chair.

Avoid it.

He's got the hammer.

No payment until he sees the pay stubs.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Not that - victim chair.
> 
> Avoid it.
> 
> He's got the hammer.
> 
> No payment until he sees the pay stubs.


It was a joke.

That's what she wrote him a long while back.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> It was a joke.
> 
> That's what she wrote him a long while back.


Duh... sorry brother.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> This is what I got...
> 
> "You just want to fight me in every way possible. Except for what u should fight for. You are making all of this harder than it needs to be."
> 
> I don't even know what's she's talking about. Talking out of her azz.
> 
> Manipulative tactics to make her herself feel more important.
> 
> You are free to move on Mrs. ReGroup - no one is chasing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

My little niece you to taunt me... "You aren't going to GIT me.. are you?"


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: what are you talking about?

what pay stubs? my personal pay stubs?

what invoices?

I told you what I will give you....you dont have a right to be intrusive...you either believe D4 and I or you continue to be dead beat...either way, I dont care....Im trying to give you a change (for the millionth) time to do something good for your daughter....


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: what are you talking about?
> 
> what pay stubs? my personal pay stubs?
> 
> what invoices?
> 
> I told you what I will give you....you dont have a right to be intrusive...you either believe D4 and I or you continue to be dead beat...either way, I dont care....Im trying to give you a change (for the millionth) time to do something good for your daughter....


And you're done talking now.

"Don't have the right to be intrusive...."

Lol


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: what are you talking about?
> 
> what pay stubs? my personal pay stubs?
> 
> what invoices?
> 
> I told you what I will give you....you dont have a right to be intrusive...you either believe D4 and I or you continue to be dead beat...either way, I dont care....Im trying to give you a change (for the millionth) time to do something good for your daughter....


She knows what you require - leave it at that. 

Pathetic and disgusting how she includes D4 in this.


----------



## vi_bride04

I love how she is still trying to pin this on you when it will be her lack of providing pay stubs/time tracking that will cause her to not get paid. 

I hope she does try to take it to court over this so the judge can see even more what a loony she is.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Simply restate the legal aspects, she can make it personal all she wants.


----------



## Ceegee

vi_bride04 said:


> I love how she is still trying to pin this on you when it will be her lack of providing pay stubs/time tracking that will cause her to not get paid.
> 
> I hope she does try to take it to court over this so the judge can see even more what a loony she is.


If she does try to involve the courts it may be best to have a consistent record telling her what you require each time she asks for the money.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> If she does try to involve the courts it may be best to have a consistent record telling her what you require each time she asks for the money.


Keep a record and inform your lawyer it's unfortunate you have to spend extra $$ on this bs but it's the only way to protect yourself.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> And you're done talking now.
> 
> "Don't have the right to be intrusive...."
> 
> Lol


Yes, time to quiet down.

She doesn't get any money until she shows you she's working - and the hours involved.


----------



## ReGroup

Today I woke up feeling unusually guilty about this impending divorce – I know the feeling will pass; but it still s*cks.

Admittedly, I wasn’t always pulling my weight as a husband – definitely didn’t bring my “A” Game every day. 

Mrs. RG is an affectionate person – I have never been. 

Mrs. RG says it made her feel unloved, insecure and angry. I respect that. I didn’t fulfill my duty in that aspect. As she says, “I was more into you, than the other way around”. 

This was communicated to me constantly, so I can’t pretend it wasn’t voiced. 

My mother is the same way – maybe I am built like her. Or maybe I haven’t found the person to draw it out of me. 

She definitely was quick with a violent tongue and I can’t say I didn’t partake in some form of emotional abuse (it went both ways). 

I withdrew and sunk into slumps as my needs weren’t being met either.

Maybe a “healthy – boundary” issue, sprinkled with immaturity on both sides ; who knows? 

But I wish I knew the answers.

The good thing is that I am 33; Mavi says I have time to change before being doomed to a life of misery Hahahah.

My “balding” azz won’t have issues meeting women but I need to avoid the wrong one.


----------



## HappyKaty

Realizing and coming to terms with your own POS tendencies is an integral part of the recovery process. It just means you're starting to see through yourself, which is incredibly liberating. 

Hugs, RG.  You've got this.


----------



## zillard

HappyKaty said:


> Realizing and coming to terms with your own POS tendencies is an integral part of the recovery process. It just means you're starting to see through yourself, which is incredibly liberating.


:iagree:


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Today I woke up feeling unusually guilty about this impending divorce – I know the feeling will pass; but it still s*cks.
> 
> Admittedly, I wasn’t always pulling my weight as a husband – definitely didn’t bring my “A” Game every day.
> 
> Mrs. RG is an affectionate person – I have never been.
> 
> Mrs. RG says it made her feel unloved, insecure and angry. I respect that. I didn’t fulfill my duty in that aspect. As she says, “I was more into you, than the other way around”.
> 
> This was communicated to me constantly, so I can’t pretend it wasn’t voiced.
> 
> My mother is the same way – maybe I am built like her. Or maybe I haven’t found the person to draw it out of me.
> 
> She definitely was quick with a violent tongue and I can’t say I didn’t partake in some form of emotional abuse (it went both ways).
> 
> I withdrew and sunk into slumps as my needs weren’t being met either.
> 
> Maybe a “healthy – boundary” issue, sprinkled with immaturity on both sides ; who knows?
> 
> But I wish I knew the answers.
> 
> The good thing is that I am 33; Mavi says I have time to change before being doomed to a life of misery Hahahah.
> 
> My “balding” azz won’t have issues meeting women but I need to avoid the wrong one.


There are plenty of things anyone can do wrong in a marriage. 

But I don't think the penalty of an affair ever fits a crime. But if you own up to your mistakes, apologize, learn from them. Then you set yourself up for being a better person.


----------



## Conrad

Can't imagine why you didn't feel loving towards someone prone to berate you at the drop of a hat.


----------



## Mavash.

RG its impossible to be affectionate with a porcupine.


----------



## hope4family

I wrote a long post about how our wives are similar. 

I'll shrink it down to this. There are no "what if" in this. What ifs are for those in very specific situations. 

By selling yourself short. You only put yourself in the victim chair, the co-dependent frame of mind, and the truth is, you should be neither.

I have moment like this though. I try to let it pass, and regain 50k feet.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> RG its impossible to be affectionate with a porcupine.


Porcupines need love too.


----------



## happyman64

> My “balding” azz won’t have issues meeting women but I need to avoid the wrong one.


A little wisdom for you RG.

There is no way to avoid the wrong one.

The key is to know yourself. To understand your strength and weaknesses. And find a woman that balances you out.

A woman that loves you just the way you are and do eps want to be the one to change you.

And when one of those wrong ones comes across you, just say " I am not ok with that. Goodbye."

Then yell "next"!

Keep working on you.

HM


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Porcupines need love too.


I argued this for years with my husband.

He still kept his distance until I put the quills away. Lol


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



happyman64 said:


> A little wisdom for you RG.
> 
> There is no way to avoid the wrong one.
> 
> The key is to know yourself. To understand your strength and weaknesses. And find a woman that balances you out.
> 
> A woman that loves you just the way you are and do eps want to be the one to change you.
> 
> And when one of those wrong ones comes across you, just say " I am not ok with that. Goodbye."
> 
> Then yell "next"!
> 
> Keep working on you.
> 
> HM


Or as Jay-Z says: "off to the next one!"


----------



## Conrad

Lord knows we're all FANs of Mrs. ReGroup.

But none of us would want to live with her.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Lord knows we're all FANs of Mrs. ReGroup.
> 
> But none of us would want to live with her.


I did it to myself.

I remember when she'd want to have a conversation about "feelings" or a "disagreement". She'd say things with high emotions - I would let her talk and vent...

Then when it was my turn...

It would be interrupted by one of the following: "you're speaking too loud, the neighbors can hear you", "you have processing issues", "you're too defensive", "you should have been a lawyer"... or she'll leave the room, slam the door, come immediately back and her turn would be immediately reset.

And yes, I would end up apologizing - if she'd start crying. 

I honestly thought I was the one who was crazy or wasn't doing things right... ie didn't know how to treat a woman.

It was amazing.


----------



## ReGroup

Speaking of crazy

Mrs. RG: Are we in agreement with every other weekend for D4?
Team RG's calculations are wrong but you want to be cheap thats ok.

WTF!!!


----------



## hope4family

To think, you kinda felt bad for her for a moment.


----------



## ReGroup

We just had a discussion last week - in which she turned out to be right about me having D4 the first 3 weekends of the month.

WTF??


----------



## Suspecting

I think I asked this before but why are you not wanting 50/50 custody?


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> I think I asked this before but why are you not wanting 50/50 custody?


Sorry for not answering the first time.

Though I live in the city - I work outside of it. 

D4's school is only a block away from Mrs. RG's residence.

I plan on moving near my work-site and away from the city in the near future.


----------



## Suspecting

Hmm. No offense but couldn't that be viewed as your priority is work -> daughter?

Why I'm saying this is because I had a best friend during my middle school years and his dad was what we here call a "weekend dad". AKA he only had the children during some weekends. It was not easy on him and sometimes he refused to go to his dad's place at all. It was resentment because he was not around enough. If you have a chance to get 50/50 custody I would use it. Think about it like this. Your wife will start dating someone if she isn't already and your daughter is going to see that guy more than you and eventually might get attached to him more than you since he's more around.


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> Hmm. No offense but couldn't that be viewed as your priority is work -> daughter?
> 
> Why I'm saying this is because I had a best friend during my middle school years and his dad was what we here call a "weekend dad". AKA he only had the children during some weekends. It was not easy on him and sometimes he refused to go to his dad's place at all. It was resentment because he was not around enough. If you have a chance to get 50/50 custody I would use it. Think about it like this. Your wife will start dating someone if she isn't already and your daughter is going to see that guy more than you and eventually might get attached to him more than you since he's more around.


I get what you're saying and I have weighed every option.

I am living at a relatives place right now - I don't have my own place. So if I try 50/50 which she will fight - I'd lose. It s*cks.

I have been fight tooth and nail for 3 weekends out of the month - it's something we both agreed on. Or thought we did.

And yes, she's seeing someone and immediately brought him into the picture.


----------



## coachman

RG do not sign for anything less than 50/50. 

If you have to move then you move. If you have to get a new job then do it.


----------



## Mavash.

What's in the papers now for when you get your daughter?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> What's in the papers now for when you get your daughter?


3 out of every 4 weekends.

She hasn't signed them yet.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> 3 out of every 4 weekends.
> 
> She hasn't signed them yet.


What stipulates a weekend? Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon?


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> What stipulates a weekend? Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon?


Saturday Mornings till Sunday Afternoons.


----------



## coachman

Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon = 1.5 days.

1.5 x 3 = 4.5 days per month.

4.5 / 30 = 15% per month

15% = ARE YOU GOD DAMN KIDDING ME REGROUP?

I would rather cut off all my limbs and junk before you could get me to sign that. Not sure what the hell you are thinking on this one. 

:scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

coachman said:


> Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon = 1.5 days.
> 
> 1.5 x 3 = 4.5 days per month.
> 
> 4.5 / 30 = 15% per month
> 
> 15% = ARE YOU GOD DAMN KIDDING ME REGROUP?
> 
> I would rather cut off all my limbs and junk before you could get me to sign that. Not sure what the hell you are thinking on this one.
> 
> :scratchhead:


Believe me - I wish it wasn't this way.


----------



## tom67

When you do move closer, have your lawyer or you file a motion get a date before the judge to amend the schedule just make sure you serve her or her lawyer so many days before it's usually 7 I think.


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

Don't know the specifics of your situation but if at all possible try to get more time with your daughter. She will benefit from less time with her crazy mom.


----------



## tom67

Lifescript said:


> RG,
> 
> Don't know the specifics of your situation but if at all possible try to get more time with your daughter. She will benefit from less time with her crazy mom.


Amen to that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

coachman said:


> Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon = 1.5 days.
> 
> 1.5 x 3 = 4.5 days per month.
> 
> 4.5 / 30 = 15% per month
> 
> 15% = ARE YOU GOD DAMN KIDDING ME REGROUP?
> 
> I would rather cut off all my limbs and junk before you could get me to sign that. Not sure what the hell you are thinking on this one.
> 
> :scratchhead:


This is the deal I got my wife to sign while she was f'd up on drugs.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup she don't have money to fight you with. 

15% seems unfair even in backwards a$$ Alabama.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup are you watching the mets at whitesox?


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> ReGroup are you watching the mets at whitesox?


Yes... My rough day continues.

I was gearing up for a great Wheeler start only to watch him struggle.

Chris Sale is a stud in his own right though. I knew our happless offense wouldn't provide much tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Yes... My rough day continues.
> 
> I was gearing up for a great Wheeler start only to watch him struggle.
> 
> Chris Sale is a stud in his own right though. I knew our happless offense wouldn't provide much tonight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha sox as of last week were dead last in walks, on base 3rd last in hrs. Hawks have a parade on friday downtown. I wish hockey could go till training camp.


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Ha sox as of last week were dead last in walks, on base 3rd last in hrs. Hawks have a parade on friday downtown. I wish hockey could go till training camp.


I'm going to poke some fun on The Winkle lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I'm going to poke some fun on The Winkle lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like what just got said when I sent that video link "why don't you just send a Bill Buckner video" told that one at work too funny:rofl::rofl:


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Today I woke up feeling unusually guilty about this impending divorce – I know the feeling will pass; but it still s*cks.
> 
> Admittedly, I wasn’t always pulling my weight as a husband – definitely didn’t bring my “A” Game every day.
> 
> Mrs. RG is an affectionate person – I have never been.
> 
> Mrs. RG says it made her feel unloved, insecure and angry. I respect that. I didn’t fulfill my duty in that aspect. As she says, “I was more into you, than the other way around”.
> 
> This was communicated to me constantly, so I can’t pretend it wasn’t voiced.
> 
> My mother is the same way – maybe I am built like her. Or maybe I haven’t found the person to draw it out of me.
> 
> She definitely was quick with a violent tongue and I can’t say I didn’t partake in some form of emotional abuse (it went both ways).
> 
> I withdrew and sunk into slumps as my needs weren’t being met either.
> 
> Maybe a “healthy – boundary” issue, sprinkled with immaturity on both sides ; who knows?
> 
> But I wish I knew the answers.
> 
> The good thing is that I am 33; Mavi says I have time to change before being doomed to a life of misery Hahahah.
> 
> My “balding” azz won’t have issues meeting women but I need to avoid the wrong one.


News flash....... she has been insecure and angry for years

as in years before you knew her

She was into you and for the last year, the POSOM

it is "what fits her needs at this moment"

we ALL make mistakes, pssst that includes her too

****I withdrew and sunk into slumps as my needs weren’t being met either****

you weren't the type to walk away without a fight, neither was I

but we are here

I still have random thoughts about the ex, at times she was wonderful

but so is a Lab who fetches sticks and tennis balls

Yes I miss certain things about her, but I do not miss so much more


----------



## Chuck71

Group keep in mind QL is a "head doc" who is seeking PhD

again it is more a control thing than a money thing

any time you have stood up to her, she backs down

I was under impression you had D more than QL

go for joint and once it is acknowledged.....

recommend a reduced child support (aka like PBs)

To be reduced to 4.5 days a month is not far from "supervised

visitation" That is not you

I think you are a tad like me in the fact

you are not the type to kick up dust but

when it is kicked on you first...... game on


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> I still have random thoughts about the ex, at times she was wonderful
> 
> but so is a Lab who fetches sticks and tennis balls


I love you Chuck


----------



## Chuck71

zillard said:


> I love you Chuck



This is so sudden! :rofl:


----------



## zillard

Chuck71 said:


> This is so sudden! :rofl:


Just let yourself feel it. Let go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Wang Chung - Let's Go - YouTube


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> News flash....... she has been insecure and angry for years
> 
> as in years before you knew her
> 
> She was into you and for the last year, the POSOM
> 
> it is "what fits her needs at this moment"
> 
> we ALL make mistakes, pssst that includes her too
> 
> ****I withdrew and sunk into slumps as my needs weren’t being met either****
> 
> you weren't the type to walk away without a fight, neither was I
> 
> but we are here
> 
> I still have random thoughts about the ex, at times she was wonderful
> 
> but so is a Lab who fetches sticks and tennis balls
> 
> Yes I miss certain things about her, but I do not miss so much more


Lol...

Yesterday was tough. Feeling much better today. I think something I read yesterday triggered it.

I am doing much better now.

Game Face back on.

I don't have D4 this weekend - I am looking to cause some trouble.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> Yesterday was tough. Feeling much better today. I think something I read yesterday triggered it.
> 
> I am doing much better now.
> 
> Game Face back on.
> 
> I don't have D4 this weekend - I am looking to cause some trouble.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's the ups and downs. When was the last time you had a down day prior to yesterday? 

Damn Mets are playing like minor leaguers. I hope they spend some cash this offseason. They really need 2 big bats.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hang tough, RG. Game face.


----------



## Chuck71

Notice #2 (game face)

Bob Knight Sportscenter Top 10 Soundbites - YouTube

he and my pop had to be separated at birth LOL


----------



## tom67

Maybe we will be saved and rained out tonight both teams are bad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Since Group has no update, Conrad....if Bob Gibson pitched today

with hitters not disciplined, could he pass Ryan's season SO record?


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Since Group has no update, Conrad....if Bob Gibson pitched today
> 
> with hitters not disciplined, could he pass Ryan's season SO record?


If the league didn't suspend him for pitching inside, yes.


----------



## Chuck71

So agree! Drysdale would be tossed by 3rd inning.

Today the batter would charge the mound

at least Ryan thumped Robin Ventura several times for it


----------



## GutPunch

What do you all think about Puig the rookie for the Dodgers?

Only Joe DiMaggio has better numbers for their 1st month in the big leagues.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> What do you all think about Puig the rookie for the Dodgers?
> 
> Only Joe DiMaggio has better numbers for their 1st month in the big leagues.


Check with me next month


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Check with me next month


Let's see what those old scouts come up with on him then he will either adjust or be another flash in the pan. He hit one homer a long way at dodger's stadium at night, unreal. Half way up opposite field!


----------



## Chuck71

no idea who this kid is....what I get for being a WAH to baseball

but she was fun while it lasted


----------



## tom67

Yasiel Puig barely misses cycle as Dodgers beat Phillies


----------



## tom67

He so far is your prototypical free swinging low walk dominican hitter. He is a very raw talent but if he learns any form of discipline at the plate he could be that 5 tool player-top end potential talent imo.


----------



## ReGroup

Here's my update.

I have been calling at my usual time since this past Friday - missed calls. D4 will call me at odd hours and leave me a voice mail.

All I know is that they're at "a hotel" - D4's words.

Don't know which city or state.

That's our co-parenting plan.

Hopefully I'll find out tonight.

I can honestly say, indifference is here.

Team RG hasn't gotten a response from Team Fantasy. She hasn't signed. 

I don't care. 

Exercising on the regular now - feeling pretty good about myself.

PS: Puig is a beast.


----------



## LongWalk

Chuck71 said:


> ReG-Be thankful she will soon be your ex. Your cousin nailed her to the wall but she (W) was her own worst enemy. She wants to make rules up as she goes but, in fairness, she is in the education system. Might be where she gets that from.
> 
> She is fully aware she is guilty as a stripped snake. But she can not admit to it. That would show a weakness and heaven forbid....she do that. My now ex (hooray!) is the same way and is now suffering from it. Her actions are clear....what she wants will trumph what anyone wants.....yes daughter included.
> 
> ReG you have to be the casanova since the W accusses you of have multiple g/f. Her day is roll call, lesson plans, planning period-where she stews at the copy room about all the sane women you will meet. Maybe she is just nervous about you realizing there are millions of females out there who would make her a quick memory.
> 
> It may be possible she admitted to herself she can not keep a guy unless she serves it up and you were not that bad after all. Maybe she acknowledges her flaws after your meeting. A possible retreat and rose tossing in hopes of getting you back. Was not too long ago she offered it up to you. She wants control but is the type, when she gets it she has no freaking clue how to use it.
> 
> Her, like my ex, can not handle money. The deck of cards she has is not sturdy. I am glad you can now see things for what they are. You have to right now due to most things she does leading up to D final will be erratic and scattered. Hopefully the young one will come out of this unharmed. Keep in mind......some spouses will use the child(ren) to manipulate or agonize the other.


Blaming the schools, Chuck, haha. Makes me wanna switch parties
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

If Puig played in NY, they'd have his HOF plaque ready today.

Can anyone say, "Alex Ochoa"?

I thought you could.

P.S. No signed document - no payment.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> If Puig played in NY, they'd have his HOF plaque ready today.
> 
> Can anyone say, "Alex Ochoa"?
> 
> I thought you could.
> 
> P.S. No signed document - no payment.


Alex Ochoa! Wow, Wow... I can't believe you went there.

We basically had a parade for him before he flamed out.

:rofl:


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Here's my update.
> 
> I have been calling at my usual time since this past Friday - missed calls. D4 will call me at odd hours and leave me a voice mail.
> 
> All I know is that they're at "a hotel" - D4's words.
> 
> Don't know which city or state.
> 
> That's our co-parenting plan.
> 
> Hopefully I'll find out tonight.
> 
> I can honestly say, indifference is here.
> 
> Team RG hasn't gotten a response from Team Fantasy. She hasn't signed.
> 
> I don't care.
> 
> Exercising on the regular now - feeling pretty good about myself.
> 
> PS: Puig is a beast.


I am definitely not ok with this. I hope you do find out tonight. If not keep on documenting and I would get ready if she keeps this up motion up a hearing over this she is going to learn to respect you the hard way I guess.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> If Puig played in NY, they'd have his HOF plaque ready today.
> 
> Can anyone say, "Alex Ochoa"?
> 
> I thought you could.
> 
> P.S. No signed document - no payment.


Sox had a guy Joe Borchard switch hitter power from both sides... till they adjusted and he didn't.


----------



## tom67

Remember when the mets signed George Foster it was huge money at the time we used to get wor so I watched them back then he hit like .220


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> Blaming the schools, Chuck, haha. Makes me wanna switch parties
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


taught in public schools ten years

saw it first hand

reason I left it


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Remember when the mets signed George Foster it was huge money at the time we used to get wor so I watched them back then he hit like .220


People throw you much better pitches when you have Tony Perez hitting behind you.


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> Remember when the mets signed George Foster it was huge money at the time we used to get wor so I watched them back then he hit like .220


remember when the Mets got Frank Viola in 1989? 

They gave up "ace of future" David West

one marginal starter and a no-name

Rick Aguilara and Kevin Tapani

Twins won WS two years later

As for NY busts....Yanks, 1998...Shane Spencer


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Here's my update.
> 
> I have been calling at my usual time since this past Friday - missed calls. D4 will call me at odd hours and leave me a voice mail.
> 
> All I know is that they're at "a hotel" - D4's words.
> 
> *Don't know which city or state.*
> 
> That's our co-parenting plan.
> 
> Hopefully I'll find out tonight.
> 
> I can honestly say, indifference is here.
> 
> Team RG hasn't gotten a response from Team Fantasy. She hasn't signed.
> 
> I don't care.
> 
> Exercising on the regular now - feeling pretty good about myself.
> 
> PS: Puig is a beast.



Mine does same thing, RG. She doesn't tell me when they are going out of town and she won't tell the kids either. Only when they wake up to get ready to go does she reveal to them where they're going. 

Of course, my kids are older so they can tell me that night where they are.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> remember when the Mets got Frank Viola in 1989?
> 
> They gave up "ace of future" David West
> 
> one marginal starter and a no-name
> 
> Rick Aguilara and Kevin Tapani
> 
> Twins won WS two years later
> 
> As for NY busts....Yanks, 1998...Shane Spencer


Time and again, guys like ****** Herzog and Terry Ryan (Twins' GM) showed they knew who could - and who couldn't - play baseball long before anyone else figured it out.

Think Bob Sykes for Willie McGee


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Time and again, guys like ****** Herzog and Terry Ryan (Twins' GM) showed they knew who could - and who couldn't - play baseball long before anyone else figured it out.
> 
> Think Bob Sykes for Willie McGee


Twins had a good run for a small market team. One mistake was the twins letting Big Poppi go. with the twins he couldn't hit an inside pitch to save his life. RG her pulling that crap with a 4yr old is disgusting. It was a lot easier with my d who was 12 at the time 3 yrs ago ugh.


----------



## tom67

I like this hybrid thread of RG's crazy w and talking baseball. Multitasking no?:scratchhead:


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Time and again, guys like ****** Herzog and Terry Ryan (Twins' GM) showed they knew who could - and who couldn't - play baseball long before anyone else figured it out.
> 
> Think Bob Sykes for Willie McGee


Totally agree....Twins gave up A.J. Pierzynski to Giants in '03

received Boof Bosner, Joe Nathan, and Francisco Liriano

AJ was a punk, Nathan was quality closer for seven / eight

years and Liriano was poison until he threw his arm out


----------



## tom67

Wonder if Puig next year shows improvement next year they sign him to a 6 or 7 year deal like Sale and Longoria it's taking a big chance but then you could be paying Hamilton 25 mil a year. Seems like the new trend to avoid arbitration.


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> Twins had a good run for a small market team. One mistake was the twins letting Big Poppi go. with the twins he couldn't hit an inside pitch to save his life. RG her pulling that crap with a 4yr old is disgusting. It was a lot easier with my d who was 12 at the time 3 yrs ago ugh.


I heard Ortiz was a problem in the club house

but was never solidly confirmed. The Twins gave up a number

of stars for raw talent and it paid off. The 1998 trade 

to Yankees was another....Chuck Knoblauch never had

a great year again, not even on the vaunted Yankee teams 

1998-2001. Guzman and Milton were not stars but were

contributors.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Wonder if Puig next year shows improvement next year they sign him to a 6 or 7 year deal like Sale and Longoria it's taking a big chance but then you could be paying Hamilton 25 mil a year. Seems like the new trend to avoid arbitration.


Look at the Allen Craig contract.

Pujols-lite production at 1/10th the cost


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Look at the Allen Craig contract.
> 
> Pujols-lite production at 1/10th the cost


The Angels, like many others, paid at a market price for his past performance.

Bobby Bonilla and Mo Vaughn anyone?


----------



## Chuck71

Or A-Fraud for the Yanks

From 2011 onward he has been and will remain

a 20 HR and 75 RBI player even when healthy

maybe he will do Brian Cashman a favor and retire

Everyone bought into Bonds, draw own conclusion

than A-Fraud, rest case

now Pujols.... numbers are way down but.. does not use PEDs


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> The Angels, like many others, paid at a market price for his past performance.
> 
> Bobby Bonilla and Mo Vaughn anyone?


I remember those classics you are right but paying at age 32 for past performance is foolish but it's not my money. Unless you take something to help you ala Roger Clemens.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Or A-Fraud for the Yanks
> 
> From 2011 onward he has been and will remain
> 
> a 20 HR and 75 RBI player even when healthy
> 
> maybe he will do Brian Cashman a favor and retire
> 
> Everyone bought into Bonds, draw own conclusion
> 
> than A-Fraud, rest case
> 
> now Pujols.... numbers are way down but.. does not use PEDs


Yet


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG calls me to address some concern she has with D4.

Apparently while under my care - when visiting my neighbor (female friend) she was exposed to a video showing women topless.

D4 stated that my friend's son (14) had shown her this video on his computer.

I mention to her that 1. Her son is in camp. 2. My friend doesn't own a computer.

RG: Did you asks specifics? Ie... Was it in the bedroom? Was it in the day? Etc...

Mrs. RG: Of course, this is my line of work. Did you leave her there while you got a haircut?

(BS, she didn't ask for descriptions)

RG: Yes. 

(My friend has helped us raise D4 and loves her like her own... And now despises Mrs. RG).

Mrs. RG: Are you concerned? What should we do?

RG: Don't bring it up again. When she brings it up ask open ended questions and do it in a fun manner to gather info.

Mrs. RG: You can't lead her that way.

RG:.Open ended questions.

Mrs. RG: I'm very open with D4 and tell her no secrets btw us. In fact, she tells me that you tell her not to tell me certain things.

(Bait - BS, I never pin D4 in that way...)

RG: She might be taking parts of many stories and combining it with that day.

Mrs. RG: Yes, this is what I do. Its disturbing. Alright wanted you to keep you informed.

RG: Bye.

CFD.

Keep me informed... Lol.

D4 is going to be a story teller.
I was at a restaurant at the time of the call. I did some things to give a certain impression during that phone call as well... Sue me.
Lol.

No, I am not concerned. If anything, I did calm that woman down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

RG: Did you asks specifics? Ie... Was it in the bedroom? Was it in the day? Etc...

Mrs. RG: Of course, this is my line of work.

Really? Start acting professional and you will be treated as such

remember, she wanted to get D4 tested four months ago....at 4!


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG calls me to address some concern she has with D4.
> 
> Apparently while under my care - when visiting my neighbor (female friend) she was exposed to a video showing women topless.
> 
> D4 stated that my friend's son (14) had shown her this video on his computer.
> 
> I mention to her that 1. Her son is in camp. 2. My friend doesn't own a computer.
> 
> RG: Did you asks specifics? Ie... Was it in the bedroom? Was it in the day? Etc...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Of course, this is my line of work. Did you leave her there while you got a haircut?
> 
> (BS, she didn't ask for descriptions)
> 
> RG: Yes.
> 
> (My friend has helped us raise D4 and loves her like her own... And now despises Mrs. RG).
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you concerned? What should we do?
> 
> RG: Don't bring it up again. When she brings it up ask open ended questions and do it in a fun manner to gather info.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You can't lead her that way.
> 
> RG:.Open ended questions.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I'm very open with D4 and tell her no secrets btw us. In fact, she tells me that you tell her not to tell me certain things.
> 
> (Bait - BS, I never pin D4 in that way...)
> 
> RG: She might be taking parts of many stories and combining it with that day.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Yes, this is what I do. Its disturbing. Alright wanted you to keep you informed.
> 
> RG: Bye.
> 
> CFD.
> 
> Keep me informed... Lol.
> 
> D4 is going to be a story teller.
> I was at a restaurant at the time of the call. I did some things to give a certain impression during that phone call as well... Sue me.
> Lol.
> 
> No, I am not concerned. If anything, I did calm that woman down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ching, I thought mine was drama...


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG, is there some way you could really set her off tomorrow, it would mean a lot to all of us if she had another meltdown, like the one at the school event.


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> RG, is there some way you could really set her off tomorrow, it would mean a lot to all of us if she had another meltdown, like the one at the school event.


Yeah FAN, make her dance for us.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Yeah FAN, make her dance for us.


When she wants a reaction, she just turns on her FAN.


----------



## Suspecting

I don't see what's the problem with your D seeing a topless woman?


----------



## Conrad

Suspecting said:


> I don't see what's the problem with your D seeing a topless woman?


Mrs. ReG doesn't like the competition.


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> PosW: Let me tell you ReGroup...you have no idea about much...you think that I wanted this??? i NEVER wanted this....as the days, grow into weeks, and into months, I see nothing but more and more of a disconnect from you. We already had severed connection before and it has only gotten worse. Every weekend in seeing you, why do you think that I was always crying???I seriously BEGGED you to show me some sort of feeling, connection, love...but no ReGroup, just frigidness, stubbornness and indifference. This is killing me. I want to move on from this pain....I want to move on from feeling unwanted, unloved and rejected. I want to move on from feeling like I need to beg you to show me some sort of feelings...I want to move on from this pain....maybe one day you will wake up and see and realize may things...maybe one day...
> 
> All while entertaining PosOM


Mind boggling. You must feel like asking if the pain never goes away... No? not even when PosOM is riding you? Does the misery never end? Sorry, you feel that way.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Mind boggling. You must feel like asking if the pain never goes away... No? not even when PosOM is riding you? Does the misery never end? Sorry, you feel that way.


Walk,

She even told Group's mother that he "wouldn't fight for her"

Seems to me when a woman spreads her legs for another man, there's very little to fight about.

Is Group supposed to think so little of himself that he's going to try to "win her back" from posOM? When that was HER choice - and not his?

Her expectation is that he will emasculate himself in this manner.

This is one fitness test he passed with flying colors.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> Mind boggling. You must feel like asking if the pain never goes away... No? not even when PosOM is riding you? Does the misery never end? Sorry, you feel that way.


It gets crazier as the thread moves along LongWalk - enjoy...

:smthumbup:


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> It gets crazier as the thread moves along LongWalk - enjoy...
> 
> :smthumbup:


Let us know when you get to the point where ReGroup morphs into a vicious show stealing FAN.

You'll even find out he's balding.

There are just things about a guy you would never figure out just from exchanging a few thousand posts with him


----------



## Suspecting

I probably missed it but do you actually know for sure your wife is with the OM? Are they living together? Wouldn't your daughter have mentioned it?


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> I probably missed it but do you actually know for sure your wife is with the OM? Are they living together? Wouldn't your daughter have mentioned it?


My daughter mentions him.

I don't ask Mrs. RG about her personal life. Anytime she asks about mine, I say... "It's none of your business". 

I won't be a hypocrite.

I am going to 180 all the way to the finish line.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> My daughter mentions him.
> 
> I don't ask Mrs. RG about her personal life. Anytime she asks about mine, I say... "It's none of your business".
> 
> I won't be a hypocrite.
> 
> I am going to 180 all the way to the finish line.


Balding show-stealing FAN!

Almost forgot...

CHEAP balding, show-stealing FAN!


----------



## Suspecting

ReGroup said:


> My daughter mentions him.
> 
> I don't ask Mrs. RG about her personal life. Anytime she asks about mine, I say... "It's none of your business".
> 
> I won't be a hypocrite.
> 
> I am going to 180 all the way to the finish line.


I was just wondering has she ever told you she is with him? Or does she tell/lie he's just a friend. I have a feeling you have never discussed this properly. If I was you I would definitely want to know who she is with since there is a child involved. He might be some pedophile for all you know.

I think those "I'm not ok..." and "sorry you feel..." answers to everything do more harm than good. In fact I think you and your wife have

Communication Breakdown



> Hey, girl, stop what youre doin!
> Hey, girl, youll drive me to ruin.
> I dont know what it is that I like about you,
> But I like it a lot.
> Wont let me hold you,
> Let me feel your lovin charms.
> 
> *communication breakdown,
> Its always the same,
> Im having a nervous breakdown,
> Drive me insane!


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Walk,
> 
> She even told Group's mother that he "wouldn't fight for her"
> 
> Seems to me when a woman spreads her legs for another man, there's very little to fight about.
> 
> Is Group supposed to think so little of himself that he's going to try to "win her back" from posOM? When that was HER choice - and not his?
> 
> Her expectation is that he will emasculate himself in this manner.
> 
> This is one fitness test he passed with flying colors.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## LongWalk

Conrad said:


> Let us know when you get to the point where ReGroup morphs into a vicious show stealing FAN.
> 
> You'll even find out he's balding.
> 
> There are just things about a guy you would never figure out just from exchanging a few thousand posts with him


I read these threads on my iPhone while commuting. It is the literature of our time. Amazing that LL and RG began at about the same sport time wise and RG accepted the TAM advice and survived while LL is entering a new phase of trouble. It's almost as BS are going through an obstacle course and their something that stops some of us from clearing a particular hurdle.

It can be done by nearly everyone but without commitment and determination, you just slip back into the mud. File for divorce, that is hurdle. Some, a minority to be sure, get it immediately on their own. It's hard to get over because we are so brainwashed by the cultural values that are no longer reinforced by law or social pressure.


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> I was just wondering has she ever told you she is with him? Or does she tell/lie he's just a friend. I have a feeling you have never discussed this properly. If I was you I would definitely want to know who she is with since there is a child involved. He might be some pedophile for all you know.
> 
> I think those "I'm not ok..." and "sorry you feel..." answers to everything do more harm than good. In fact I think you and your wife have
> 
> Communication Breakdown


No, she's too much of a coward to be upfront and admit it.

Like I said, it's none of my business. She asked for this separation and divorce - I won't stand in her way.

The choices she makes are out of my control. Whether it be with one or a hundred guys I am staying out of it.

I can't prevent who she introduces to D4. 

Now, if something does happen to D4's health... There will be Hell to pay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> I read these threads on my iPhone while commuting. It is the literature of our time. Amazing that LL and RG began at about the same sport time wise and RG accepted the TAM advice and survived while LL is entering a new phase of trouble. It's almost as BS are going through an obstacle course and their something that stops some of us from clearing a particular hurdle.
> 
> It can be done by nearly everyone but without commitment and determination, you just slip back into the mud. File for divorce, that is hurdle. Some, a minority to be sure, get it immediately on their own. It's hard to get over because we are so brainwashed by the cultural values that are no longer reinforced by law or social pressure.


As a social service, ReGroup simply must not delete this thread.

Any man who comes after him might think their walkaway spouse is the craziest.

We have a link for him.

Mrs. ReGroup has a large FAN club here.


----------



## BWBill

Be sure to cover the topless woman conversation with your attorney. Mrs. RG may try to gain some leverage for custody disputes or to paint you as a bad parent if she gets in a mood.


----------



## Suspecting

ReGroup said:


> No, she's too much of a coward to be upfront and admit it.
> 
> Like I said, it's none of my business. She asked for this separation and divorce - I won't stand in her way.
> 
> The choices she makes are out of my control. Whether it be with one or a hundred guys I am staying out of it.
> 
> I can't prevent who she introduces to D4.
> 
> Now, if something does happen to D4's health... There will be Hell to pay.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's understandable since this has been going on for over a year. Have you filed for divorce?

Not trying to judge but by reading your thread I think there's something primitive in your and your wife's communication and both of you could look at the mirror regarding this. You have basically argued over a year about the divorce settlement.


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> It's understandable since this has been going on for over a year. Have you filed for divorce?
> 
> Not trying to judge but by reading your thread I think there's something primitive in your and your wife's communication and both of you could look at the mirror regarding this. You have basically argued over a year about the divorce settlement.


No question about it. That's why I have Chip and Mavi coaching me on how to better communicate with Crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Suspecting

ReGroup said:


> No question about it. That's why I have Chip and Mavi coaching me on how to better communicate with Crazy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If I remember right, at the start of your thread you were hoping to R and had Mavash write the replies for you. Then there was the two infamous phrases. I noticed your wife was way more receptive to Mavash's replies and not so much to the two-phrase replies. Had she come back then thinking she communicated with you but in reality she was communicating with another woman. Not saying this to bring you down but basically your wife connected better with a total stranger, which was also a woman. Doesn't this bother you at all?


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG calls me to address some concern she has with D4.
> 
> Apparently while under my care - when visiting my neighbor (female friend) she was exposed to a video showing women topless.
> 
> D4 stated that my friend's son (14) had shown her this video on his computer.
> 
> I mention to her that 1. Her son is in camp. 2. My friend doesn't own a computer.
> 
> RG: Did you asks specifics? Ie... Was it in the bedroom? Was it in the day? Etc...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Of course, this is my line of work. Did you leave her there while you got a haircut?
> 
> (BS, she didn't ask for descriptions)
> 
> RG: Yes.
> 
> (My friend has helped us raise D4 and loves her like her own... And now despises Mrs. RG).
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you concerned? What should we do?
> 
> RG: Don't bring it up again. When she brings it up ask open ended questions and do it in a fun manner to gather info.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You can't lead her that way.
> 
> RG:.Open ended questions.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I'm very open with D4 and tell her no secrets btw us. In fact, she tells me that you tell her not to tell me certain things.
> 
> (Bait - BS, I never pin D4 in that way...)
> 
> RG: She might be taking parts of many stories and combining it with that day.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Yes, this is what I do. Its disturbing. Alright wanted you to keep you informed.
> 
> RG: Bye.
> 
> CFD.
> 
> Keep me informed... Lol.
> 
> D4 is going to be a story teller.
> I was at a restaurant at the time of the call. I did some things to give a certain impression during that phone call as well... Sue me.
> Lol.
> 
> No, I am not concerned. If anything, I did calm that woman down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does this whole exchange not make you uneasy?

It gives me a very funny feeling like she is fishing for ammunition.

You have stood up to her, not compromised on payment, demanded proof.

She is inwardly seething.

I feel she is using her child counsellor image as a front to invent some dirt on you, possibly trying to deem you an unsuitable parent. That way it vindicates her decision and she can say to the world, "look group is useless and a pathetic father"

On the other hand I am just overly paranoid!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Suspecting said:


> If I remember right, at the start of your thread you were hoping to R and had Mavash write the replies for you. Then there was the two infamous phrases. I noticed your wife was way more receptive to Mavash's replies and not so much to the two-phrase replies. Had she come back then thinking she communicated with you but in reality she was communicating with another woman. Not saying this to bring you down but basically your wife connected better with a total stranger, which was also a woman. Doesn't this bother you at all?


Why would it?

Mavesh is a gifted communicator. I could only hope to become half as good as she is.

It's why I am here... To learn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Suspecting

ReGroup said:


> Why would it?
> 
> Mavesh is a gifted communicator. I could only hope to become half as good as she is.
> 
> It's why I am here... To learn.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well it would totally bother me... Women seek emotional connection... You can't learn everything by reading. Some things are instinctual.


----------



## Lifescript

When dealing with a cheater, does it really matter what he/she seeks? 

Whatever it is ... get it from posOM/OW.


----------



## Conrad

Suspecting said:


> Well it would totally bother me... Women seek emotional connection... You can't learn everything by reading. Some things are instinctual.


Apparently, women seek many things.

This particular woman chose to step outside her marriage and then berate her husband for not chasing her.


----------



## Conrad

Suspecting said:


> Well it would totally bother me... Women seek emotional connection... You can't learn everything by reading. Some things are instinctual.


Sometimes it helps to talk to your teachers directly.


----------



## catcalls

Suspecting said:


> Well it would totally bother me... Women seek emotional connection... You can't learn everything by reading. Some things are instinctual.


That is total bullish*t. Just because you feel something does not make it real or factual.

It is a convenient excuse for all bad, selfish and controlling behavior
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Suspecting

Conrad said:


> Apparently, women seek many things.
> 
> This particular woman chose to step outside her marriage and then berate her husband for not chasing her.


That's true but I'm sure most women would not be in a relationship if there was no emotional connection in the first place.


----------



## Suspecting

catcalls said:


> That is total bullish*t. Just because you feel something does not make it real or factual.
> 
> It is a convenient excuse for all bad, selfish and controlling behavior
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is bullsh!t? That women seek emotional connection? I don't really understand your outburst. I don't think I'm excusing anything.


----------



## Conrad

Suspecting said:


> That's true but I'm sure most women would not be in a relationship if there was no emotional connection in the first place.


And, quite often, they will push boundaries to test exactly how "safe" they are in that relationship.

When they find few - if any - boundaries, they begin to lose respect for their man. In the process, they talk themselves out of the connection they once felt.


----------



## Suspecting

Conrad said:


> And, quite often, they will push boundaries to test exactly how "safe" they are in that relationship.
> 
> When they find few - if any - boundaries, they begin to lose respect for their man. In the process, they talk themselves out of the connection they once felt.


And that is where the communication skills come into play before that happens.


----------



## Suspecting

x


----------



## Conrad

Suspecting said:


> Maybe you should marry her. :smthumbup:


And here I was taking you seriously.


----------



## Suspecting

Conrad said:


> And here I was taking you seriously.


I'm sorry you feel that way.


----------



## BWBill

Could Mrs. RG think you have something going on with the helpful neighbor lady?


----------



## Conrad

BWBill said:


> Could Mrs. RG think you have something going on with the helpful neighbor lady?


She's already had him in bed with half the single women in the Bronx.


----------



## ReGroup

catcalls said:


> Does this whole exchange not make you uneasy?
> 
> It gives me a very funny feeling like she is fishing for ammunition.
> 
> You have stood up to her, not compromised on payment, demanded proof.
> 
> She is inwardly seething.
> 
> I feel she is using her child counsellor image as a front to invent some dirt on you, possibly trying to deem you an unsuitable parent. That way it vindicates her decision and she can say to the world, "look group is useless and a pathetic father"
> 
> On the other hand I am just overly paranoid!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it was little bit of concern/attempt to question my parent skills/bait me/grasp some control.

Who knows with this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> She's already had him in bed with half the single women in the Bronx.


Not bad for a balding deadbeat!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Conrad said:


> Only at the precipice do we evolve.
> 
> I would invite you to visit the Gen Relationship Discussion forum or the Men's Clubhouse, etc.
> 
> Look how many people actually listen there.
> 
> In general all they actually do is hope someone tells them to do what they already want to do.
> 
> *When all is perceived to be lost, the potential for growth exists.*


Excellent. Why do people stand there and pour the cream down the sink. All you have to is put in the I-am-sorry-you-feel-that-way bowl and let party of chaos beat it into cream or butter.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Not bad for a balding deadbeat!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You forgot SHOW STEALING balding deadbeet!


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I think it was little bit of concern/attempt to question my parent skills/bait me/grasp some control.
> 
> Who knows with this woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, it's about control. It's always about control with Mrs FAN. 

This isn't first time she's used the "I do this for a living" bit. She thinks since she does it gives her a position of power of you. It's not about the facts (no matter how untrue) it's about control over you. 

Of course you had communication problems. Most people, including myself, don't know how to communicate with people like this. The words don't matter.


----------



## Chuck71

I admire your resolve Group, I could not pass up the chance

to play head games with her, after all....what has she done?

I entered into special education for fact I wanted to help

children overcome things as I had but in the end all you are

is a glorified baby sitter and a paperwork expert. You are not wanted

to teach children, they want the IEP / 504s in line with state

and to kiss the "real teachers a$$es." I wonder why I left LOL

To obtain a degree means nothing in regards to how you will

utilize the knowledge you have gathered

I am an author but it does not mean I am a Nobel laureate 

her attempts to belittle you with education, sexuality, and heritage

are a manifest of her own subconscience attempt to run from reality

I told you six months ago she would try everything to be a thorn in your side

and use D to do it, her last option.....she knows you are through with her

knowing what ever attempt she now makes is futile burns her up inside

this is not how she envisioned things to be

"fight for me"...... fine.....cut ties with POSOM....never did

she wants security in some form and will ride more people than Greyhound

to get it if she needs to

I am aware women seek an emotional connection but when it is laid out

they do not even know their own emotions, how can they others?

Side note-three months removed from ex saying "I got spaghetti for tonight,

I will be by myself all weekend. You're welcome to come." Within 90 days,

found "soul mate" and is now LOL ....... engaged....we'll see how that flies

Maybe I won't have to pay her the $100 I offered her on D final to

take back her maiden name


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Yes, it's about control. It's always about control with Mrs FAN.
> 
> This isn't first time she's used the "I do this for a living" bit. She thinks since she does it gives her a position of power of you. It's not about the facts (no matter how untrue) it's about control over you.
> 
> Of course you had communication problems. Most people, including myself, don't know how to communicate with people like this. The words don't matter.


ESPECIALLY when you're a show stealer.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Sadly this is true. Pain is the gate that leads to the promise land.
> 
> Problem is most people turn back instead of walking through it.
> 
> Our society does everything in its power to avoid feeling pain clueless to how awesome their life would be if they didn't numb it 24/7. Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel.


Agree. This one of the best threads. Thank you Mrs RG... by the end of this some dissertation must emerge
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Agreed. Chuck, great post.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

I am still hacking my way through your thread from the other direction. But allow me to pose a couple of questions.

1) When your wife noticed that you deflected her attempts to engage in emotional drama with certain standard phrases, she attributed it to therapy. Does she suspect that IC is transforming you?

2) How would she feel if she knew that your progress was in no small part the result of an online forum?

3) What is your most optimistic view of her future? Pessimistic?


----------



## Mavash.

Indirectly RG has had IC via this forum. I've done 4 years of IC and the advice I gave him is the same I got. It's as if he benefitted from my therapy without having to pay thousands of dollars for it.

I've also read over 300 self help books many of which were written by therapists.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk,

Human beings hold their delusions close. They are loathe to let them go. Those are often the emotions that motivate behavior. And, contrary evidence gets airbrushed away, dismissed, or simply resisted.

If you tour the Men's Clubhouse here, you'll see plenty of guys that want more sex with their wives.

You can tell those guys the truth, but it makes no impact.

Here?

Guys like ReGroup show up having experienced loss.

It's an ear opener.


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> Last night was pretty interesting.
> 
> One of my neighbors (great friend of mine) calls me to go downstairs to her apartment. She was with a friend who is in the midst of a custody battle with her children's father. She wanted us to swap stories.
> 
> So, I go downstairs and meet this woman. First thought: wow, this woman is attractive... lets see where this goes.
> 
> She talks about her 2 children and the father - 17 years older than she is. Apparently, he lost his job 3 years ago and they broke up a year ago. He is now living in a homeless shelter trying to find employment. The children are blaming mom and they want to live with dad in the homeless shelter...
> 
> Thanks to the information I have gathered from you all... I observed and ask questions like: Did you lose attraction for him when he lost his job? What kind of relationship did you have with your father? Why do the children want to live with the father? If he abused you physically, is this something you grew up as a child and it felt normal...
> 
> She was growing a little uncomfortable so I eased up a bit. Occasionally, she would try to play the victim and I'd laugh to myself.
> 
> Point is, it's insane how much we are learning about people and relationships. It'll never be the same.
> 
> So the woman leaves and my friend says, "wow, that was insane... before you arrived she was a tad depressed and wallowing in her story... when you arrived she perked up and attentively engaged in conversation... what was that all about?".
> 
> So my friend emails me today: Hey ReGroup, what's up with you and my friends. She called me last night and wanted to know your story. She wants you to call her.
> 
> Ha Ha Ha
> 
> Call to D4 went unanswered... Game on. Mrs. ReGroup grasping for any bit of control she can. It is getting amusing.


Cannot unlearn lessons like these
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Good story RG, very good story.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Cannot unlearn lessons like these
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


EVEN if you are a balding, show-stealing, FAN.


----------



## Ceegee

conrad said:


> longwalk,
> 
> human beings hold their delusions close. They are loathe to let them go. Those are often the emotions that motivate behavior. And, contrary evidence gets airbrushed away, dismissed, or simply resisted.
> 
> If you tour the men's clubhouse here, you'll see plenty of guys that want more sex with their wives.
> 
> You can tell those guys the truth, but it makes no impact.
> 
> Here?
> 
> Guys like regroup show up having experienced loss.
> 
> It's an ear opener.


qft x 2


----------



## Chuck71

GutPunch said:


> What do you all think about Puig the rookie for the Dodgers?
> 
> Only Joe DiMaggio has better numbers for their 1st month in the big leagues.





GutPunch said:


> What do you all think about Puig the rookie for the Dodgers?
> 
> Only Joe DiMaggio has better numbers for their 1st month in the big leagues.


Here is a perfect example of how distant I am 

with baseball now

Puig.....played two months with the Lookouts farm team

the Chattanooga Lookouts! My back yard....

God.......where did those summers go when all I worried

about was catching the Cubs on the road at 7

and the Braves out west at 10

baseball until 1AM....would go through cards while game was on

where the $%$%^^%^^$$#@@ is my therapist


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> Here is a perfect example of how distant I am
> 
> with baseball now
> 
> Puig.....played two months with the Lookouts farm team
> 
> the Chattanooga Lookouts! My back yard....
> 
> God.......where did those summers go when all I worried
> 
> about was catching the Cubs on the road at 7
> 
> and the Braves out west at 10
> 
> baseball until 1AM....would go through cards while game was on
> 
> where the $%$%^^%^^$$#@@ is my therapist


You actually made an effort to watch Chicago Flubs' baseball?


----------



## LongWalk

Ceegee said:


> I was going to say "best actress in a leading role in her own mind" but this works too.


:rofl::rofl:
What a thread. And what drama is there? It is all a theater of texts and reported conversations. The times we live in.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> You actually made an effort to watch Chicago Flubs' baseball?


When I was 16, it did not matter who was on

I was sure to watch it

Not a Cubs fan, just watched them since WGN

or it might have been Carey teaching me how to drink a beer

Those summer nights, the innocence, everything is future

damn I miss those days

I even wrote down game time when ready for vacation

little did I know....that was the vacation where 

no games were watched..... yeah it involved a female LOL


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> :rofl::rofl:
> What a thread. And what drama is there? It is all a theater of texts and reported conversations. The times we live in.


It's clear we now miss Mrs. ReGroup more than he does.

He hasn't posted in this thread in nearly a week.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> It's clear we now miss Mrs. ReGroup more than he does.
> 
> He hasn't posted in this thread in nearly a week.


I was thinking the same thing. 

I miss her more than I miss my own wife.


----------



## Chuck71

But six months back we all remember Group

and GP, Z, Pb ......

maybe Mrs. RG can show up at his place in lingerie

wanting to test him "Woodcokc Johnson III" style


----------



## ThreeStrikes

He's 180-ing his thread.


----------



## coachman

He's too busy balding.


----------



## ReGroup

Fine... I received this yesterday.

Mrs. RG: please update me on whats going on with the settlement...papers were sent back to your attorney over 2 weeks ago.

RG: Everything was taken care of on our end. 

Your attorney has to fax Team RG some documentation requested of him on June 20th. We have received no word since. 

- God knows what's going on. Team RG informed me that they would inform me when they received the modifications to the settlement. Every Monday it's the same thing: What's the status? I signed the settlement in almost a month.

- My friends have also told me that she is spreading word that I have been stalling. That I refuse to let her go. After a brief conversation - they understood. 

This whole ordeal has become a joke. LOL


----------



## Awakening2012

ReGroup said:


> This whole ordeal has become a joke. LOL


Yes, a sad and frustrating joke, but you're handling it like a champ. The problem is obviously Mrs. RG and her attorney are incapable of communicating with each other effectively and efficiently, so she wants to blameshift the delays on to you when the problem lies with her and her unresponsive lawyer.

Hang in there, man!

Best,- A12


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

I read most of your tale on my iPhone, wandering around town. Yours is by far one of the most psychologically illuminating threads because of your self discipline and team RG.

Although your wife is crazy, there is a feminine energy about her which is attractive. Is she good looking? That would just make it all the more frustrating. Hard to imagine an ugly woman getting away with so much nonsense. I love the way her lawyer tired of her.

It must feel very strange to know that you have her thinking about you a great deal. It would not surprise me if she thinks about you when she has sex with OM. Your position must give you very mixed feelings now, for it would seem that you have enough sway to drive off the PosOM, but do you want her back now?

In some sense you have been training yourself to be a successful partner to her. She, too, has to some degree, although she has yet to see things as clearly as you do. Lacking TAM, she will never have enough disposable income to get the therapy she would need to make a breakthrough.

One message that she has sent over and over is the ReGroup-you-need-to-fight-for-me line. In fact, you have fought for her by not cutting her up. You have made almost no barbed allusions to her sexual relations and infidelity. This has been pointed, so that she would of her own accord feel that the elimination of PosOM was matter of choice, something that could be concealed.

This would allow her to reach enlightenment, as far as her behavior goes. But she is also an economic animal in terms of her reproductive strategy. If she casts out PosOM without having her hand around your balls, she is afraid she will have neither of you. This is base of her, but comprehensible.

You could tip your hand to some degree, not to give her assurance but illuminate the hand she dealt herself. If, when your daughter is not listening, say for example when she is playing soccer and you are standing together at the sidelines, you were to feign indifferent curiosity and ask her:

Mrs RG we are almost home with with divorce that you sought and I must confess now that I have always wondered what you meant by saying that I did not fight for you? I assume that you did not want me to beat up your boyfriend, so that he would be in the hospital and I would be in jail. What exactly was this fight all about?

She would probably have difficulty defining it in dignified terms, what could she say except that she wanted words of adoration, flowers, etc. She probably couldn't go on too long before repeating herself, but once she exhausted her vague fantasies of a duel over her in the age of no fault divorce, you might ask her if she thought it was easy for you to keep your temper and behave correctly, knowing that she had chosen another man?

And while she is absorbing this you could go on to say that respecting her choice, however hurtful it had been, and maintaining your dignity was the only way that you could have fought for her, but it didn't work.

"I am sure that I did the right thing, but it was not enough, and I regret that."

At this point her mind will whir madly. But having eaten so much cake, she can hardly move now. She will want you to tell her what to do. But here you should fall silent again and say that there is nothing more, really, that you can say.

She has to come to the realization that PosOM must go. Indeed, she may feel that the writing is on the wall with that relationship, but she will require some drama to create a conflict with him. She is not a man and will not simply go to him and tell him to leave.

This is not a chic flick.

You must get more time with your daughter. You will kick yourself later for failing to arrange this.


----------



## LongWalk

I just looked at the urban dictionary for the meaning of _aßs nozzle_. Sweet Jesus, I guess you cannot live in the city without picking up some good prison jargon swear words.


----------



## Mavash.

Attorneys aren't any more skilled at handling crazy than you are.

Team Fantasy is still delusional and the attorney's hands are tied.


----------



## LongWalk

Hi Mavash,

What did you think my question about saying something to Mrs RG?

See previous page.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> I just looked at the urban dictionary for the meaning of _aßs nozzle_. Sweet Jesus, I guess you cannot live in the city without picking up some good prison jargon swear words.


You know, being a FAN is pretty damned bad.

BUT... a "show stealing FAN"

Those are the worst kind.

Especially if they're balding.

Damn, I miss her.


----------



## GutPunch

I miss her too.

Can't ReGroup break the 180 for us one time.

Maybe send her a text saying he just wished she
Was a little better in the bedroom and things may
have worked out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

GutPunch said:


> I miss her too.
> 
> Can't ReGroup break the 180 for us one time.
> 
> Maybe send her a text saying he just wished she
> Was a little better in the bedroom and things may
> have worked out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Where's his awesome cousin when we need him?


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Any Updates?

You guys asked for it.

Should I just tell her I signed a freaking month ago?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Any Updates?
> 
> You guys asked for it.
> 
> Should I just tell her I signed a freaking month ago?


"I signed one month ago" - and go completely quiet


----------



## GutPunch

Tell her you hired a Swedish nanny to cook and help clean for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Any Updates?
> 
> You guys asked for it.
> 
> Should I just tell her I signed a freaking month ago?


Answer "no" then go quiet.

Haven't you already told her you signed?


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> Hi Mavash,
> 
> What did you think my question about saying something to Mrs RG?
> 
> See previous page.


That's what Conrad refers to as the 'haymaker'. 

I tried to set it up to say but Mrs. RG never took the bait.

It must be said at the right moment and I haven't seen that yet.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Because I am a dead beat dad, who's got better things to do... like servicing my who*res all around the city.


Tell her you're too busy to be following up on the papers. 

Then ask her if she has any friends that need servicing.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: What are you taking about?

Then what is this back and forth? Why didn't you advise me of this? What is going on???!!

Where is it then? Why don't I have these papers?


----------



## ReGroup

This woman doesn't have a clue of what's going on.

Her lawyer and her are not on the same page.


----------



## LongWalk

RG, if you keep this up, you're going to ruin her relationship with PosOM. He must be tired of hearing that you won't let go
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> This woman doesn't have a clue of what's going on.
> 
> Her lawyer and her are not on the same page.


Her lawyer and her aren't even on the same PLANET.

LOL


----------



## ReGroup

RG: I informed you weeks ago that everything on our end is complete.

My attorney has repeatedly asked your counsel to submit documentation to move things along. 

Get on the same page with your attorney. 

(Send???)


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> RG: I informed you weeks ago that everything on our end is complete.
> 
> My attorney has repeatedly asked your counsel to submit documentation to move things along.
> 
> Get on the same page with your attorney.
> 
> (Send???)


Too many words.

It needs to be shorter and simpler without telling her what to do.

"Everything is done on my end".

"I signed the papers a month ago."

Something like this.


----------



## ReGroup

Ok, I sent it The Mavi way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> RG, if you keep this up, you're going to ruin her relationship with PosOM. He must be tired of hearing that you won't let go
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That would be awesome payback!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BWBill

The best Payback would be keeping them together.


----------



## ReGroup

BWBill said:


> The best Payback would be keeping them together.


Lol... You might be right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> RG, if you keep this up, you're going to ruin her relationship with PosOM. He must be tired of hearing that you won't let go
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For now he's the new knight in shining armor. It will take a while before he realizes that won't get his needs met. LOL

RG however is wiser and won't be rescuing any more damsels from their neglectful husbands who won't let them go.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Her lawyer and her aren't even on the same PLANET.
> 
> LOL


She's on her own planet


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She's on her own planet


Mrs. RG reminds me of my friends EX. 

He and his attorney seemed completely clueless.

In the end the attorney saw that he was a big fat liar.

Before that the attorney believed him.

Narcissists are quite convincing.


----------



## Mavash.

In the 11th hour they went to mediation (after a year of trying to D). That's when his attorney got to meet my friend face to face. Saw immediately that she was more than willing to be reasonable. Her Ex still wouldn't budge.

HIS attorney then started siding with her because she saw she was the normal one.

It was funny.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> In the 11th hour they went to mediation (after a year of trying to D). That's when his attorney got to meet my friend face to face. Saw immediately that she was more than willing to be reasonable. Her Ex still wouldn't budge.
> 
> HIS attorney then started siding with her because she saw she was the normal one.
> 
> It was funny.


I am perplexed. Literally in shock. They didn't even know I signed???!!!

WTF!


----------



## tom67

Mavash. said:


> In the 11th hour they went to mediation (after a year of trying to D). That's when his attorney got to meet my friend face to face. Saw immediately that she was more than willing to be reasonable. Her Ex still wouldn't budge.
> 
> HIS attorney then started siding with her because she saw she was the normal one.
> 
> It was funny.


I have a feeling that's what will happen when the judge hears from both parties in this one. Her attorney will not want to look like a schmuk that's for sure. Is Mrs. RG crazy or a control freak... YES.


----------



## LongWalk

So, RG's wife is incapable of insight?

When she has all of these emotional exchanges is she able interact normally with OM?

Can she have sex with him and not be thinking about RG's inaccessibility?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I am perplexed. Literally in shock. They didn't even know I signed???!!!
> 
> WTF!


My friends attorney was this smoking hot blonde who appeared to be less than stellar at her job.

She was the type to show up at court in a bright red suit in a sea of black and gray.

She was on her own planet but the men loved her.


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> So, RG's wife is incapable of insight?
> 
> When she has all of these emotional exchanges is she able interact normally with OM?
> 
> Can she have sex with him and not be thinking about RG's inaccessibility?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No insight whatsoever but can fake it with people she doesn't live with.

She's also likely skilled at compartmentalizing her life.

RG in one box. PosOM in another. Kid somewhere in the mix.


----------



## tom67

Mavash. said:


> No insight whatsoever but can fake it with people she doesn't live with.
> 
> She's also likely skilled at compartmentalizing her life.
> 
> RG in one box. PosOM in another. Kid somewhere in the mix.


Wow she would be an annuity for some ic.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> My friends attorney was this smoking hot blonde who appeared to be less than stellar at her job.
> 
> She was the type to show up at court in a bright red suit in a sea of black and gray.
> 
> She was on her own planet but the men loved her.


Shocking


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Can you be cool for once please. No it's not. My attorney has not been informed of this nor does he have any paperwork. Team RG has not responded to the recent email that was sent. When can I expect these papers?

If you signed how come you are telling me there other day that my attorney hasn't furnished information? 

- My lawyer asked her lawyer to modify the support and hasn't gotten a response.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Can you be cool for once please. No it's not. My attorney has not been informed of this nor does he have any paperwork. Team RG has not responded to the recent email that was sent. When can I expect these papers?
> 
> If you signed how come you are telling me there other day that my attorney hasn't furnished information?
> 
> - My lawyer asked her lawyer to modify the support and hasn't gotten a response.


This is like deja vu for me. Went through this for a year with my friend. Almost identical conversations.

Send this:

"You're correct the papers are not complete. The support needs to be modified. I am waiting for a response from your attorney".

It's like playing hot potato. She wants you to take the blame and all you do is just keep repeating in some way "I'm waiting on YOU".


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> - My lawyer asked YOUR lawyer to modify the support and hasn't gotten a response.


Send


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> This is like deja vu for me. Went through this for a year with my friend. Almost identical conversations.
> 
> Send this:
> 
> "You're correct the papers are not complete. The support needs to be modified".


She's trying to figure out some way to not pay for something.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> - My lawyer asked her lawyer to modify the support and hasn't gotten a response.


This works too.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She's trying to figure out some way to not pay for something.


QFT

That's what my friends Ex was doing.

At first I thought he was stalling and maybe he was at first but in the end it was all about the money.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> QFT
> 
> That's what my friends Ex was doing.
> 
> At first I thought he was stalling and maybe he was at first but in the end it was all about the money.


This one has been about the money for 75 pages


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> This one has been about the money for 75 pages


I want another Haymaker... just for good time sakes. I hope we can land another one.


----------



## vi_bride04

It's always about money for these selfish fvcks!!!

Not only on TAM do I see it but currently with my ex, and 2 of my friends IRL going through divorce....

All of them are cheaters and all freak out about money. ALWAYS. Guess thats the only thing they can really get emotionally attached to.


----------



## Mavash.

Money is a powerful tool to selfish people.

Buy more stuff, buy things to self medicate with, use it to control others, some use it to buy friends, gives them a false sense of security, the works.

People's attitude about money will tell you a lot about someone. I love what my pastor said once. "Show me your checkbook and I'll see where your heart is."


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Money is a powerful tool to selfish people.
> 
> Buy more stuff, buy things to self medicate with, use it to control others, some use it to buy friends, gives them a false sense of security, the works.
> 
> People's attitude about money will tell you a lot about someone. I love what my pastor said once. "Show me your checkbook and I'll see where your heart is."


Mavi, how does your friend deal with her ex w/o getting sucked into his drama?

How long did you coach her?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavi, how does your friend deal with her ex w/o getting sucked into his drama?
> 
> How long did you coach her?


She's stays calm, cool and dispassionate just like what you are doing with Mrs. RG.

I coached her for 2-3 years before her divorce was final. Tried to save the marriage but he's a cheating, alcoholic narcissist with a contempt for women. His mother is a piece of work. I can't be in the same room with that woman without triggering.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: That is a lie. I was just ccd on an email to your attorney two days ago disputing you saying that he hasn't received it. . What you are saying makes no sense. What did you sign and notarize if you are still waiting for "corrections." ?RG, this is the last straw. I'm done playing your games. You continue to play me out. You have made the both of us look like fools and have wasted enough of my money. This was my last olive branch.

WTF!

WTF!

WTF!


----------



## ReGroup

You guys wanted her back... She's here.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> You guys wanted her back... She's here.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: That is a lie. I was just ccd on an email to your attorney two days ago disputing you saying that he hasn't received it. . What you are saying makes no sense. What did you sign and notarize if you are still waiting for "corrections." ?RG, this is the last straw. I'm done playing your games. You continue to play me out. You have made the both of us look like fools and have wasted enough of my money. This was my last olive branch.
> 
> WTF!
> 
> WTF!
> 
> WTF!


76 pages about money now


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> You guys wanted her back... She's here.


How does it go "be careful what you wish for" I suppose telling her to let her new man support her is out of the question.


----------



## ReGroup

Let me explain what my attorney told me when I met with him in June...

He said, "only page 2 needs motification... sign the last page so that you don't have to return again. When they modify, I'll let you know."

No word since.

Sometimes I question who's reality is true.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: That is a lie. I was just ccd on an email to your attorney two days ago disputing you saying that he hasn't received it. . What you are saying makes no sense. What did you sign and notarize if you are still waiting for "corrections." ?RG, this is the last straw. I'm done playing your games. You continue to play me out. You have made the both of us look like fools and have wasted enough of my money. This was my last olive branch.


Sorry you feel that way???? :scratchhead:

I'm kidding. LOL

I think she's a big fat liar but believes it because she's delusional.

Been there done that with my friends Ex.

You can't win this btw. Can't do anything with the truth as THEY see it.

I'm tempted to lie back but I won't go there. I'd just say "I don't know what's going on. Now I'm just as confused as you are."

I'd ask for a copy of the email but you won't get it because it doesn't exist. LOL


----------



## ReGroup

I can't even interpret what she's writing.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Let me explain what my attorney told me when I met with him in June...
> 
> He said, "only page 2 needs motification... sign the last page so that you don't have to return again. When they modify, I'll let you know."
> 
> No word since.
> 
> Sometimes I question who's reality is true.


Have you sent this?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Sometimes I question who's reality is true.


Yours.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I'd ask for a copy of the email but you won't get it because it doesn't exist. LOL


OMG! Too funny.


----------



## Conrad

Group,

Let's take a look at this.

You're still paying the 17% of your previous salary (yeah, I know it went up - good job).

As long as this issue stays in the air, you pay nothing for summer childcare, right?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Have you sent this?


No, I was explaing it to you guys.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Have you sent this?


It won't matter. I went round and round with my friends ex just like this.

Trying to reason with irrational people is pointless.

My friend ended up having to serve him and push for a court date to get the D.

This AFTER he kept getting continuances.

They went to court several times.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Group,
> 
> Let's take a look at this.
> 
> You're still paying the 17% of your previous salary (yeah, I know it went up - good job).
> 
> As long as this issue stays in the air, you pay nothing for summer childcare, right?


Correct.

And, she's not even willing to verify that she's working.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Correct.
> 
> And, she's not even willing to verify that she's working.


Ignore all of it.

Go on a date with 7 of your whrs of Babylon

She's not working.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She's not working.


This which explains why she's still angling for some way to get more money via the D.


----------



## ReGroup

Ok, so don't respond to that last email right?

I just realize that a date is attached to my signature on the settlement when it was notarized... so the hell if she doesn't believe me now.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Ok, so don't respond to that last email right?
> 
> I just realize that a date is attached to my signature on the settlement when it was notarized... so the hell if she doesn't believe me now.


To have some fun, you could ask her for a copy of the email.

But, to be kind to your fellow NYC citizens, you should notify the first responders before you hit send.

There's no telling where that would lead.


----------



## Conrad

And, of course, thank her for the Tuesday cameo.

It was a real pick-me-up.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm game... 

RG: Can I see the email?

LOL???


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm game...
> 
> RG: Can I see the email?
> 
> LOL???


"Send me a copy of that last email from your attorney"

(And duck)


----------



## ReGroup

At least she's not cursing!

One Transaction At A Time??? LOL


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> At least she's not cursing!
> 
> One Transaction At A Time??? LOL


Are you ok with profanity?


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> "Send me a copy of that last email from your attorney"
> 
> (And duck)


"send me a copy of that email and I'll contact my attorney to see what's going on".

It will soften the blow if you offer to DO something with the information you gather.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> "send me a copy of that email and I'll contact my attorney to see what's going on".
> 
> It will soften the blow if you offer to DO something with the information you gather.


Yes


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> "send me a copy of that email and I'll contact my attorney to see what's going on".
> 
> It will soften the blow if you offer to DO something with the information you gather.


Damn, I had sent Chip's suggestion already.

She won't respond to it anyways. We know it doesn't exist. Or she can easily manipulate it.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: No. Ask your attorney to keep you informed. My attorney is haegong me for bull**** and games.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> And, of course, thank her for the Tuesday cameo.
> 
> It was a real pick-me-up.


Yes considering tonight I get the privilege of watching verlander kill the sox tonight and the fact that while I may be crazy for even watching some of that slaughter, there are people-Mrs. RG- that are even crazier!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: No. Ask your attorney to keep you informed. My attorney is haegong me for bull**** and games.


Which means it doesn't exist.

All lies.

Another victory for Team ReGroup

He keeps his sanity and his money and lives to text another day.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: No. Ask your attorney to keep you informed. My attorney is haegong me for bull**** and games.


LMAO!!

I knew it.

She's a liar and thinks everyone is too stupid to notice.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Which means it doesn't exist.
> 
> All lies.
> 
> Another victory for Team ReGroup
> 
> He keeps his sanity and his money and lives to text another day.


:iagree:Tell her your girlfriend is getting impatient with all this stonewalling. We would get a week's worth of her best. Just kidding...for now.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> :iagree:Tell her your girlfriend is getting impatient with all this stonewalling. We would get a week's worth of her best. Just kidding...for now.


Your harem

(Tell her they don't care that you're a balding show-stealer)


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Which means it doesn't exist.
> 
> All lies.
> 
> Another victory for Team ReGroup
> 
> He keeps his sanity and his money and lives to text another day.


This is unreal.


----------



## ReGroup

How long can she keep this up?

This is amazing! I wish you guys could see the settlement. A HS student could write it. We don't have assets, property and stayed away from pensions... yet, here we are 6 months and still NOTHING.

I ask my lawyer, what was up with them last month and he said, "I truly don't know."


----------



## GutPunch

Press her for the email. Tell her you need it to scold your attorney for dragging his feet.


----------



## tom67

I guess it could be worse your x could be Anna Benson break out the bullet proof vest hey whatever you are into.


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> I guess it could be worse your x could be Anna Benson break out the bullet proof vest hey whatever you are into.


I thought that was a dream!


----------



## vi_bride04

She will continue this as long as she has to in order to get her precious money........or until her lawyer drops her b/c she is a FRICKEN LOON!!!!


----------



## ReGroup

Doesn't some one implode after an ordeal as long as this one?


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> She will continue this as long as she has to in order to get her precious money........or until her lawyer drops her b/c she is a FRICKEN LOON!!!!


LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

:rofl:


----------



## coachman

Thanks RG the Tuesday cameo really has made my day.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> How long can she keep this up?


Here you can keep this up for years assets or not.

My friend owned a house but agreed to let him have it so that was a non issue.

I can only speculate why he was dragging his feet.

It was partially due to money but I suspect it was deeper than that. He thought of her as his property.

Only reason he signed was impending court date AND he came into some money and didn't want to share.

Jokes on him though - inheritance isn't marital property.


----------



## vi_bride04

ReGroup said:


> Doesn't some one implode after an ordeal as long as this one?


Not after dealing with the ordeals in their own heads....this kind of thing is a cake walk compared to that

She thinks she can break you. Thats why she keeps going. And going. And going. And going....


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Doesn't some one implode after an ordeal as long as this one?


Actually no for the ones I know who went through this it just helped them grow.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Used to hate this saying but I now think there is some truth to it.


----------



## tom67

vi_bride04 said:


> She will continue this as long as she has to in order to get her precious money........or until her lawyer drops her b/c she is a FRICKEN LOON!!!!


I knew a woman who fired 2 yes 2 attorneys:scratchhead:


----------



## zillard

Mavash. said:


> What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.


If you want it to...


----------



## tom67

Mrs. RG I must break you - YouTube


----------



## Mavash.

When I coached my friend she would often call me to decipher him.

It wasn't long before my pageant answer to everything was "he doesn't want a divorce".

Period end of story.

"Why hasn't he signed?" He doesn't want a D.

"Why won't he let me go?" He doesn't want a D.

"Why is he lying about paperwork?" He doesn't want a D.

"I'm offering to let him have everything why won't he sign?" He doesn't want a D.

Didn't matter WHY the point was he didn't want it nor was he willing to work on the marriage either.

It dumbfounded her but I said who cares this is your truth now what are YOU going to do about it?

That's when she had him served and started pushing hard for court dates.

Her story is kinda like PB's. No motivation to D because his life was working just fine as it was.


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: No. Ask your attorney to keep you informed. My attorney is haegong me for bull**** and games.


What does haegong mean?


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> Actually no for the ones I know who went through this it just helped them grow.
> 
> What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
> 
> Used to hate this saying but I now think there is some truth to it.


_"Always have this thought in mind, when you lose any outward thing: What have you gained in its stead? And if this is more precious, then do not say, I have suffered loss."_ *- Epictetus*


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> What does haegong mean?


God only knows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> God only knows.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whatever her attorney is doing to her she still hasn't called a FAN.


----------



## Chuck71

So much for This Week in Baseball!

School is out until September in NYC, say hello to 2AM emails

If you wanted to stoke her, try this

"To accelerate the process, meet me at your attorney's 

office to verify email. We can proceed to mine if it was noted."

You know it was not sent, so does she

but it would make for another 25 pages of her FAN dancing

As a bookmaker I have odds 200 / 1 D4 will begin high school

before D is final. Odds were 500 / 1 in May


----------



## Pbartender

LongWalk said:


> Whatever her attorney is doing to her she still hasn't called a FAN.


Maybe he's giving her a little FAN service.


----------



## Chuck71

The FAN, Part II

Staring ReGroup

Hair and Make-up: No one, he is bald


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> When I coached my friend she would often call me to decipher him.
> 
> It wasn't long before my pageant answer to everything was "he doesn't want a divorce".
> 
> Period end of story.
> 
> "Why hasn't he signed?" He doesn't want a D.
> 
> "Why won't he let me go?" He doesn't want a D.
> 
> "Why is he lying about paperwork?" He doesn't want a D.
> 
> "I'm offering to let him have everything why won't he sign?" He doesn't want a D.
> 
> Didn't matter WHY the point was he didn't want it nor was he willing to work on the marriage either.
> 
> It dumbfounded her but I said who cares this is your truth now what are YOU going to do about it?
> 
> That's when she had him served and started pushing hard for court dates.
> 
> Her story is kinda like PB's. No motivation to D because his life was working just fine as it was.


Are you saying that you don't really think Mrs FAN wants a divorce?

Could this not just be a combination of Mrs FAN not wanting to pay for the phone call to her attorney and her attorney not liking her?

You obviously know crazy better than I. Just wondering.


----------



## Northern Monkey

I think she wants it but hasn't processed who she is going to blame for everything once its done.

How dare he not pay for what she has done.


----------



## GutPunch

I don't think she wants a divorce.

I think she wants Group to pine for her.

The more he doesn't.....the more she doesn't want the D.


----------



## Pbartender

GutPunch said:


> I don't think she wants a divorce.
> 
> I think she wants Group to pine for her.
> 
> The more he doesn't.....the more she doesn't want the D.


Sounds familiar... 

By the book, she wants him to "fight" for her.

She wants the melodramatic, codependent wailing and moaning, "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, I'll do anything to get you back, WAAAAUGH!" crap. She misses it. She craves it, because it puts her at the center of your universe. It's the only way she knows how to feel wanted, needed... loved, even, in an odd way.

And this is what she looks like going through withdrawal from that high.


----------



## Mavash.

GutPunch said:


> I don't think she wants a divorce.
> 
> I think she wants Group to pine for her.
> 
> The more he doesn't.....the more she doesn't want the D.


This.

I don't think she wants him back she just thinks she's too fabulous for words. She can't fathom that RG wouldn't pine for her and die alone and miserable. Lmao!


----------



## GutPunch

Mavash. said:


> This.
> 
> I don't think she wants him back she just thinks she's too fabulous for words. She can't fathom that RG wouldn't pine for her and die alone and miserable. Lmao!


Yep...once she got him back. She would start screaming reconciling was the worst ****** decision she has ever made.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I mean she said it herself, she's "awesome".

I didn't hear from her today and she didn't pick up D4's phone call.

Don't know if it was intentional, but I had promised D4 a phone call today as well... I am almost on speaker.

So the more aggressive I get about wanting the divorce, the more she stalls? This is some lunatic stuff... I shouldn't be surprised though.

Mavi, I was reading stuff online about people like her - ie... What their truth is? Freightening.

Now it makes sense when Chip said War Stories doesn't apply in this case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I mean she said it herself, she's "awesome".
> 
> I didn't hear from her today and she didn't pick up D4's phone call.
> 
> Don't know if it was intentional, but I had promised D4 a phone call today as well... I am almost on speaker.
> 
> So the more aggressive I get about wanting the divorce, the more she stalls? This is some lunatic stuff... I shouldn't be surprised though.
> 
> Mavi, I was reading stuff online about people like her - ie... What their truth is? Freightening.
> 
> Now it makes sense when Chip said War Stories doesn't apply in this case.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have kids for all of July. She's picked up phone maybe half the time when kids call her. 

When she does answer she says stupid stuff like "s12 I put your shirts away for you". Then she tells them "I love you" 5 or 6 times until they finally say it back. 

She's allowed 1 weekend with kids during month but hasn't asked for one and hasn't responded to my email asking her what she wants. Two of our three have birthdays this month. 

She has cancelled the last two meetings with attorneys and isn't replying to our request for next meeting. 

Do I think she's changed her mind about divorce? No. I just think she's flipping crazy. Baths!t crazy. Nothing else.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

It was clear awhile back that your marriage was unhealthy. Now there signs that your divorce is serious trouble, too. If both of them fail, is there a third way out?


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I have kids for all of July. She's picked up phone maybe half the time when kids call her.
> 
> When she does answer she says stupid stuff like "s12 I put your shirts away for you". Then she tells them "I love you" 5 or 6 times until they finally say it back.
> 
> She's allowed 1 weekend with kids during month but hasn't asked for one and hasn't responded to my email asking her what she wants. Two of our three have birthdays this month.
> 
> She has cancelled the last two meetings with attorneys and isn't replying to our request for next meeting.
> 
> Do I think she's changed her mind about divorce? No. I just think she's flipping crazy. Baths!t crazy. Nothing else.


No fixing.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> No fixing.


You can't fix crazy.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> You can't fix crazy.


No reminders about birthdays... no approaching about "picking" her weekend.

No

No

No


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> RG,
> 
> It was clear awhile back that your marriage was unhealthy. Now there signs that your divorce is serious trouble, too. If both of them fail, is there a third way out?


Exorcism


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> No reminders about birthdays... no approaching about "picking" her weekend.
> 
> No
> 
> No
> 
> No


I hear ya. You've told me before and you're right. (She's still baths!t crazy)


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I hear ya. You've told me before and you're right. (She's still baths!t crazy)


I have no doubts.

And, when you engage in "fixing behavior", you'll end up broken right there with her.

She has ways of making you own her chaos - if you engage.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavi, I was reading stuff online about people like her - ie... What their truth is? Freightening._Posted via Mobile Device_


My husband is a cop in charge of traffic. He met with a guy who claims a wreck wasn't his fault. It's on video and yes it's his fault. He also said he'd been trying for a year to see the video - LOL um no you haven't. 

Now here's where it gets funny this isn't his first wreck. The other one he rear ended a woman and ran her into oncoming traffic where she nearly missed 3 other vehicles (also on video).

He called that wreck a "fender bender". :scratchhead:

So even when faced with documented PROOF he still denied it.

I wish I could say this was an isolated case but it's not. Even when faced with videos people will deny the truth and the scary part is they BELIEVE IT.

I tell you this story because it's important. You cannot do anything with the truth as THEY SEE IT. And you must understand this. Trying to reason with people like this is pointless. 

My husband said to this guy "you're entitled to your opinion but I'm not changing the accident report". 

He gets it.


----------



## Conrad

Mav,

You know what they say.

When a guy is a balding show-stealer, there's simply nothing you can do about it - no matter how fabulous you are


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash,

You say that she compartmentalizes. But size of the compartments changes. RG is now taking up a very large compartment. His daughter senses this because she gets emotionally abused.

"Want to live with Pappi" comes out of her mouth because mommy is unpredictable and manipulative.

How many relationships can RG's wife handle? She has OM, daughter, RG, work, her lawyer, etc. Not all of these relationships are successful. What are the limits before she breaks down and takes the anger from one relationship to the others?

Once RG is gone, then POSOM is going to become the next victim?


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Once RG is gone, then POSOM is going to become the next victim?


If there's a God in heaven.


----------



## zillard

GutPunch said:


> Yep...once she got him back. She would start screaming reconciling was the worst ****** decision she has ever made.


More likely she'd blame RG for pushing her into R when she never wanted it, pointing to him chasing her and "fighting for her" as proof.


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

You filed right, not her? 

My lawyer told me the one that files had the advantage of ending it.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Ceegee said:


> I have kids for all of July. She's picked up phone maybe half the time when kids call her.
> 
> When she does answer she says stupid stuff like "s12 I put your shirts away for you". Then she tells them "I love you" 5 or 6 times until they finally say it back.


We were married to similar creatures, Ceege. Eerie...

My ex does almost the exact same stuff. I've had the kids for 8 straight days. Not one single call or text from ex. (my boys have their own cells)

Funny thing is, they don't seem to miss her either. Heh.

Then I get a text from her telling me she has to pawn the 14K engagement ring I gave her so she can afford a plumber. LMAO

Hoover attempt DENIED.:smthumbup:


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> She's allowed 1 weekend with kids during month but hasn't asked for one and hasn't responded to my email asking her what she wants.


Stop being her secretary. If she wants them, she'd let you know

Obviously she has more important issues on her plate

Her loss = your victory


----------



## Chuck71

ThreeStrikes said:


> We were married to similar creatures, Ceege. Eerie...
> 
> My ex does almost the exact same stuff. I've had the kids for 8 straight days. Not one single call or text from ex. (my boys have their own cells)
> 
> Funny thing is, they don't seem to miss her either. Heh.
> 
> Then I get a text from her telling me she has to pawn the 14K engagement ring I gave her so she can afford a plumber. LMAO
> 
> Hoover attempt DENIED.:smthumbup:


help me help me help me (to seventh power)

A poor defenseless woman like me has to pawn her

one symbol of marriage to afford a plunger and Rid-X

Why can't you ride to the rescue you marvelous fixer?

I just distanced myself from the kids and walked out

on you. I am auditioning more men than....ummm

what is that wh0re's name, she is in Babylon...???

I just hope 3Strikes does not find out I am also

planning a spa trip, a mani / pedi and a cruise from the

sale....14k buys a lot. On to the Republic of Delusion


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> We were married to similar creatures, Ceege. Eerie...


Codependent relationships have identical characteristics


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> Codependent relationships have identical characteristics


They haven't figured out that the Coca-Codependent button no longer works.

Sold out. 

Sorry about the hi-jack, RG.


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> Stop being her secretary. If she wants them, she'd let you know
> 
> Obviously she has more important issues on her plate
> 
> Her loss = your victory


My reasons aren't all that altruistic.

I'm wanting to go out this weekend in hopes of hooking up with a woman I've met. 

I am surprised by her indifference in seeing or speaking with the kids but that's her loss. The kids are fine and have made no mention of wanting to see her or missing her. So I'm not worried about it either.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I'm wanting to go out this weekend in hopes of hooking up with a woman I've met.


Hire a sitter.

Talk less - do more.

Quit waiting for her.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Hire a sitter.
> 
> Talk less - do more.
> 
> Quit waiting for her.


I've got the grandparents lined up which the kids will be excited about. Just didn't want to get their hopes up until I heard from her. But, yes, you are correct. 

Done talking - did more

No longer waiting

Sorry for the hi-jack too, Group.


----------



## angstire

Mavash. said:


> I tell you this story because it's important. You cannot do anything with the truth as THEY SEE IT. And you must understand this. Trying to reason with people like this is pointless.


Brilliant! 

Good story, great point.

thank you.


----------



## Mavash.

LW I juggled many relationships successfully. The core of my anger was always dumped on those closest to me usually ones I live with or have lived with.

If you never live with me I can play nice for a long time.

The posom is safe until he takes it to the next level and lives with her.


----------



## Mavash.

Should mention crazy is in degrees.

I was high functioning crazy.

And I started healing while still young (33).

I think its harder to hide as you age just for the mere fact that it takes a lot of energy to suppress your true self.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> LW I juggled many relationships successfully. The core of my anger was always dumped on those closest to me usually ones I live with or have lived with.
> 
> If you never live with me I can play nice for a long time.
> 
> The posom is safe until he takes it to the next level and lives with her.


She once told me that all her relationships have been volatile. Her IC told her she keeps picking the wrong partner.

I smiled at that comment.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> She once told me that all her relationships have been volatile. Her IC told her she keeps picking the wrong partner.
> 
> I smiled at that comment.


Oh God talk about enabling.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She once told me that all her relationships have been volatile. Her IC told her she keeps picking the wrong partner.
> 
> I smiled at that comment.


That's not a therapist.

It's a copay collector.

No better than those thugs in the booths on the NJ Turnpike.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> She once told me that all her relationships have been volatile. Her IC told her she keeps picking the wrong partner.
> 
> I smiled at that comment.


Lmao!

The least common denominator in all your unsatisfactory relationships is you.

For the record this is what many therapists say because very few are enlightened.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> She once told me that all her relationships have been volatile. Her IC told her she keeps picking the wrong partner.
> 
> I smiled at that comment.


LMAO :lol:


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> LMAO :lol:


Punch,

I'm certain she can do better than a balding, show-stealing FAN!

Don't you think?


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Should mention crazy is in degrees.
> 
> I was high functioning crazy.
> 
> And I started healing while still young (33).
> 
> I think its harder to hide as you age just for the mere fact that it takes a lot of energy to suppress your true self.


This helps to explain why I am feeling worse now that when I was in my 20s or 30s. I have more self knowledge but less energy to use it. As my parents aged they both became more needy, demanding validation from strangers. Both of them did so incessantly.

I am going to develop this on my own thread.


----------



## Chuck71

LW post your new thread link here....

Group that was classic....

"MrsReG your love toward Group is stronger than his love for you"

a friend got that BS cowpie back in the early 90s

btw she was two time divorcee and three kids

by three guys....


----------



## ReGroup

Lol...

Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 tomorrow?

RG: Yes, same place and time.

Mrs. RG: When is your mother leaving for Tampa?

(Ignored)

Mrs. RG: D*CK!


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 tomorrow?
> 
> RG: Yes, same place and time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: When is your mother leaving for Tampa?
> 
> (Ignored)
> 
> Mrs. RG: D*CK!


:rofl:

you POS

but remember you are the biggest d1ck she ever saw


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 tomorrow?
> 
> RG: Yes, same place and time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: When is your mother leaving for Tampa?
> 
> (Ignored)
> 
> Mrs. RG: D*CK!


And the world is spinning in greased grooves.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 tomorrow?
> 
> RG: Yes, same place and time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: When is your mother leaving for Tampa?
> 
> (Ignored)
> 
> Mrs. RG: D*CK!


Group -

You think I could get a printed copy of your thread with Mrs RG's autograph?


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 tomorrow?
> 
> RG: Yes, same place and time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: When is your mother leaving for Tampa?
> 
> (Ignored)
> 
> Mrs. RG: D*CK!


Please don't get her started.

I have got to be productive at work today.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 tomorrow?
> 
> RG: Yes, same place and time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: When is your mother leaving for Tampa?
> 
> (Ignored)
> 
> Mrs. RG: D*CK!


You should have said then "Oh you need some?":lol:


----------



## ReGroup

At some point she has to realize that her insults won't get a response. jeez!


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> At some point she has to realize that her insults won't get a response. jeez!


They sure get a TAM response!


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Group -
> 
> You think I could get a printed copy of your thread with Mrs RG's autograph?


"I'm not ok with name-calling" ought to get things off to a flying start


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> At some point she has to realize that her insults won't get a response. jeez!


And she knows it's none of her f^ckin business when your mom goes. Good grief how long is she going to whip this dead horse.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> At some point she has to realize that her insults won't get a response. jeez!


The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

It took me 6 years to teach my parents that I couldn't be provoked.

Yes I trained them well. 

It worked before so they just knew it would work again....eventually. LOL


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> And she knows it's none of her f^ckin business when your mom goes. Good grief how long is she going to whip this dead horse.


She "really" liked that babysitting.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> She "really" liked that babysitting.


RG aka "baldy" ruined it for her what a pos.


----------



## Ceegee

If she only knew how much of a show stealer she is on TAM...


----------



## Ms. GP

Hey man. I have a new theme song for you. It's the song, "Smile" by Lily Allen. All about detachment. Ha ha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> If she only knew how much of a show stealer she is on TAM...


Yeah, but she's not CHEAP or BALDING.

I won't speculate on her FAN.

Only ReGroup knows for sure - and he's far too discreet to tell.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Yeah, but she's not CHEAP or BALDING. *She is fabulous!!!!!!*
> 
> I won't speculate on her FAN.
> 
> Only ReGroup knows for sure - and he's far too discreet to tell.


----------



## Chuck71

Puig is still red hot but it looks as if the hurlers

have started figuring him out....go inside...up n in

no .400 hitter can SO 130 times....


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> "I'm not ok with name-calling" ought to get things off to a flying start


I'll get the popcorn!


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> "I'm not ok with name-calling" ought to get things off to a flying start


Chip, I think we have confronted with the first person who's impervious to "I'm not ok...". LOL

I just ignored her. Though it might get her madder.

F HER.


----------



## Mavash.

Sometimes negative attention is better than none at all.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Sometimes negative attention is better than none at all.


So I should respond to this lunatic??? LOL


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> So I should respond to this lunatic??? LOL


Mavi means negative attention (for her).

We'll give you all the negative attention you can handle.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.
> 
> It took me 6 years to teach my parents that I couldn't be provoked.
> 
> Yes I trained them well.
> 
> It worked before so they just knew it would work again....eventually. LOL


Mavi, I don't know how you handled that.

I'm going to see her tomorrow... She's going to try to pull something; I know it.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mavi, I don't know how you handled that.
> 
> I'm going to see her tomorrow... She's going to try to pull something; I know it.


Ya think?

Her FAN club will make sure to log on.


----------



## ReGroup

I thought CDF was suppose defuse these situtions. 5 months and all we have gotten is anger.

Though, I am at peace and that's what's important.

I think she'd prefer for me to match her anger.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I thought CDF was suppose defuse these situtions. 5 months and all we have gotten is anger.
> 
> Though, I am at peace and that's what's important.
> 
> I think she'd prefer for me to match her anger.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How many times do you need to show a 5 year old you are serious before they get it?


----------



## LongWalk

Mavi,

Do you have time to coach BW, if he wanted you to?

What differences are there between Frostine and Mrs RG?


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> Mavi,
> 
> Do you have time to coach BW, if he wanted you to?
> 
> What differences are there between Frostine and Mrs RG?


Mavi tried... The Moose wasn't ready. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## catcalls

It really annoys me that Mrs RG can basically insult an verbally abuse RG and really face no consequences. If the roles were reversed, she would take a restraining order on RG for being abusive and would also affect his custody.

you really need to get your daughter out of her clutches for atleast half the time and have equal custody. 

hah, she is so exasperating but i guess you are dealing with her in the right manner as she is denied the drama she craves. still, she needs a good dressing down from someone, dont know who


----------



## catcalls

It really annoys me that Mrs RG can basically insult an verbally abuse RG and really face no consequences. If the roles were reversed, she would take a restraining order on RG for being abusive and would also affect his custody.

you really need to get your daughter out of her clutches for atleast half the time and have equal custody. 

hah, she is so exasperating but i guess you are dealing with her in the right manner as she is denied the drama she craves. still, she needs a good dressing down from someone, dont know who


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I'm going to see her tomorrow... She's going to try to pull something; I know it.


As long as it's not this:

*Mrs. RG: D*CK*

:lol::lol::lol::lol:


----------



## coachman

Conrad said:


> "I'm not ok with name-calling" ought to get things off to a flying start


It's Friday, please send this..


----------



## ReGroup

coachman said:


> It's Friday, please send this..


What the hell coachman!

Tuesday's belligerent email wasn't good enough?


----------



## happyman64

tom67 said:


> You should have said then "Oh you need some?":lol:


What he should have said is this:

I'm sorry is your boyfriend not giving you any?

I cannot help you because I fired you...


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> What the hell coachman!
> 
> Tuesday's belligerent email wasn't good enough?


He's a member of the FAN club.


----------



## coachman

Conrad said:


> He's a member of the FAN club.


I can't get enough Mrs. RG rants. Has to be two a week minimum at this point. I'm hooked


----------



## GutPunch

I hate to admit it but I'm hooked too.


----------



## Conrad

coachman said:


> I can't get enough Mrs. RG rants. Has to be two a week minimum at this point. I'm hooked


I think we've got something here.

I used to say you guys were kind of an on-line SWAT team for betrayed spouses.

But, we're "truly" a FAN club.

That defines us.

We owe Mrs. ReG a great debt.

Side-splitting laughter is so hard to come by these days.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> I think we've got something here.
> 
> I used to say you guys were kind of an on-line SWAT team for betrayed spouses.
> 
> But, we're "truly" a FAN club.
> 
> That defines us.
> 
> We owe Mrs. ReG a great debt.
> 
> Side-splitting laughter is so hard to come by these days.


One day when we are a peace with each other... I'm going to share the thread with her.

Hopefully no one takes it down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> One day when we are a peace with each other... I'm going to share the thread with her.
> 
> Hopefully no one takes it down.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well if you ever do, I will fly my a$$ to wherever to see Mount MRS. ReGroup erupt one last time.


----------



## Ceegee

It's hard to not be hooked. 

Mrs RG gives us the most action. 

She fails with every attack and doubles down each time. 

It's amazing.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> It's hard to not be hooked.
> 
> Mrs RG gives us the most action.
> 
> She fails with every attack and doubles down each time.
> 
> It's amazing.


Wait wait! You got action? Ugh nevermind my mind is wandering


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Well if you ever do, I will fly my a$$ to wherever to see Mount MRS. ReGroup erupt one last time.


You won't have to.

It will be on the news.


----------



## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> Wait wait! You got action? Ugh nevermind my mind is wandering


Just dirty talk. 

"D[CK!"


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> You won't have to.
> 
> It will be on the news.


Well we'd still have to go for the funeral.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Well we'd still have to go for the funeral.


I would miss Group terribly.

He's the head FAN.


----------



## coachman

Wonder what Mrs. RG would put on the headstone:

"Here lies RG. Worthless azz notch, balding, deadbeat dad who should have fought harder"


----------



## Conrad

coachman said:


> Wonder what Mrs. RG would put on the headstone:
> 
> "Here lies RG. *SHOW STEALING *Worthless azz notch, balding, deadbeat dad who should have fought harder *FOR ME* even while I'm banging posOM!"


Fixed it for you


----------



## tom67

RG I'm sure you have answered this but what does her family and mutual (sane) friends think just curious.:scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> RG I'm sure you have answered this but what does her family and mutual (sane) friends think just curious.:scratchhead:


That's likely a very very short list.


----------



## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> RG I'm sure you have answered this but what does her family and mutual (sane) friends think just curious.:scratchhead:


If they were sane they wouldn't be friends.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> If they were sane they wouldn't be friends.


Touche!!!:lol:


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> RG I'm sure you have answered this but what does her family and mutual (sane) friends think just curious.:scratchhead:


She's the oldest of 6.

Her father puts her on a pedestal. Praises everything she does. 

Father was an orphaned child. A chef. Had problems with alcohol and drugs. Worked long hours and wasn't around much. Had issues handling money.

Her mother is highly intelligent but has rarely worked because she can't keep a job. Socially awkward, with a temper.

She can't stand him, but they have stayed together. 

They moved/move from place to place because of money issues.

Mrs. RG's mother resents her... Don't know why but it hasn't been pretty. To the point where I was coaching her on how to deal with her. 

Her siblings have a love/hate relationship with her because of the praise she received academically and musically.
I tried coaching her on how to conduct herself with them as well: CDF before I knew what CDF was.

She didn't know her grandmother because her mother wouldn't talk to her... Or her own sister in fact... To this day.

Her siblings all have issues.

Mrs. RG has an impressive social network but not many people that have her back. I have that type of network and they made her fit in quick.

I had joke with her back in the day: who's your best friend this month?

Complete chaos.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> She's the oldest of 6.
> 
> Her father puts her on a pedestal. Praises everything she does.
> 
> Father was an orphaned child. A chef. Had problems with alcohol and drugs. Worked long hours and wasn't around much. Had issues handling money.
> 
> Her mother is highly intelligent but has rarely worked because she can't keep a job. Socially awkward, with a temper.
> 
> She can't stand him, but they have stayed together.
> 
> They moved/move from place to place because of money issues.
> 
> Mrs. RG's mother resents her... Don't know why but it hasn't been pretty. To the point where I was coaching her on how to deal with her.
> 
> Her siblings have a love/hate relationship with her because of the praise she received academically and musically.
> I tried coaching her on how to conduct herself with them as well: CDF before I knew what CDF was.
> 
> She didn't know her grandmother because her mother wouldn't talk to her... Or her own sister in fact... To this day.
> 
> Her siblings all have issues.
> 
> Mrs. RG has an impressive social network but not many people that have back. I have that type of network and they made her fit in quick.
> 
> I had joke with her back in the day: who's your best friend this month?
> 
> Complete chaos.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some BPD traits in there.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She's the oldest of 6.
> 
> Her father puts her on a pedestal. Praises everything she does........ *1 + 1 =* Mrs. RG's mother resents her... Don't know why but it hasn't been pretty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know why.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> I know why.


What I couldn't figure out in 9 years... You came up with the best answer in a minute.

Impressive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> She's the oldest of 6.
> 
> Her father puts her on a pedestal. Praises everything she does.
> 
> Father was an orphaned child. A chef. Had problems with alcohol and drugs. Worked long hours and wasn't around much. Had issues handling money.
> 
> Her mother is highly intelligent but has rarely worked because she can't keep a job. Socially awkward, with a temper.
> 
> She can't stand him, but they have stayed together.
> 
> They moved/move from place to place because of money issues.
> 
> Mrs. RG's mother resents her... Don't know why but it hasn't been pretty. To the point where I was coaching her on how to deal with her.
> 
> Her siblings have a love/hate relationship with her because of the praise she received academically and musically.
> I tried coaching her on how to conduct herself with them as well: CDF before I knew what CDF was.
> 
> She didn't know her grandmother because her mother wouldn't talk to her... Or her own sister in fact... To this day.
> 
> Her siblings all have issues.
> 
> Mrs. RG has an impressive social network but not many people that have her back. I have that type of network and they made her fit in quick.
> 
> I had joke with her back in the day: who's your best friend this month?
> 
> Complete chaos.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dysfunction from the start and probably too late to fix herself I know you know you can't kind of like BW's. Damaged early in life and doesn't know any other way or don't want to explore the unknown.


----------



## Ms. GP

Man.. her family kinda sounds like mine!!

But hey. I turned out....
Oh yeah. She's screwed!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Ms. GP said:


> Man.. her family kinda sounds like mine!!
> 
> But hey. I turned out....
> Oh yeah. She's screwed!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love The GPs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I love The GPs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The First Family of TAM


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> What I couldn't figure out in 9 years... You came up with the best answer in a minute.
> 
> Impressive.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Conrad's next post will be where he can send the bill for the diagnosis.

Sadly, Mrs RG will attempt to extort that money from you as well.....


----------



## Ms. GP

Wow!! The first family of Tam. I'm honored!! On second thought, isn't that like being told you have the best boobs in the nursing home?

I keed! I keed! Ha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Ms. GP said:


> Wow!! The first family of Tam. I'm honored!! On second thought, isn't that like being told you have the best boobs in the nursing home?
> 
> I keed! I keed! Ha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We won't be able to make that assessment without pictures.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> We won't be able to make that assessment without pictures.


Ruh roh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

I'm off to the nursing home to get y'all some pics of some droops. BOUNDARIES
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ms. GP

Man.. Those old ladies are gonna be pi$$ed!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> I'm off to the nursing home to get y'all some pics of some droops. BOUNDARIES
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't wait.


----------



## LongWalk

coachman said:


> Wonder what Mrs. RG would put on the headstone:
> 
> "Here lies RG. Worthless azz notch, balding, deadbeat dad who should have fought harder"


Too funny
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ms. GP

Nice pic Conrad. Now all GP has to do is throw them some Mardi Gras beads and we can go home before any of them try talk to us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

OMFG!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

How is it that my daughter tells me today that she moved... 

Mrs. RG, her and PosOm!

WTF!

WTF!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> How is it that my daughter tells me today that she moved...
> 
> Mrs. RG, her and PosOm!
> 
> WTF!
> 
> WTF!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Rent was too high at the other place because you're too cheap.


----------



## ReGroup

Chip, 

This is insane.

A courtesy, "hey, we are moving and PosOM is coming with us"

And I would have been ok...

She is truly a lunatic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> This is insane.
> 
> A courtesy, "hey, we are moving and PosOM is coming with us"
> 
> And I would have been ok...
> 
> She is truly a lunatic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Group,

How often does she have to prove this before you actually believe?


----------



## ReGroup

I'm not even upset... Just in shock!

No ill will or nothing... I just thought parents would discuss these type of things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm not even upset... Just in shock!
> 
> No ill will or nothing... I just thought parents would discuss these type of things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Has she ever been the slightest bit considerate?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I'm not even upset... Just in shock!
> 
> No ill will or nothing... I just thought parents would discuss these type of things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now you know the playing field she's on. It's unfortunate she's that selfish to inform you simply in the event your child asked you questions.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I'm not even upset... Just in shock!
> 
> No ill will or nothing... I just thought parents would discuss these type of things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is the way it will always be. It won't change. 

Matter of fact, beware when she does tell you something.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

How far away are they moving?

And be glad PosOM is taking her off your hands.


----------



## happyman64

RG
Do you really think in her selfish mind that she evens considers you a coparent or your feelings?

You are the sperm donor and lousy financial support .

Now you are really seeing her. The real her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> How far away are they moving?
> 
> And be glad PosOM is taking her off your hands.


That dude is in for a real rude awakening.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> That dude is in for a real rude awakening.


The longer PosOM is bamboozled by Mrs. RG, the better for RG.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Group,

I can't remember. Do you have to pay spousal support in your current D agreement?

In my State, cohabitation is grounds for stopping spousal support.


----------



## ReGroup

Alright guys, I am doing better now. Thanks for the support.

3x, NY is no fault. I will be paying till 2030. SMH.

I am actually enjoying the day with my daughter.

I talked to my mother and she said, "what did you expect from her? Why are you surprised? She's done everything wrong... Don't expect anything else! Don't be a fool".

2x4'd by my mom. But it got me back on track.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Alright guys, I am doing better now. Thanks for the support.
> 
> 3x, NY is no fault. I will be paying till 2030. SMH.
> 
> I am actually enjoying the day with my daughter.
> 
> I talked to my mother and she said, "what did you expect from her? Why are you surprised? She's done everything wrong... Don't expect anything else! Don't be a fool".
> 
> 2x4'd by my mom. But it got me back on track.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We're FANs of your mom too.

I cherish the conversation between her and Mrs. ReG where she was complaining about you not fighting for her.

LOL


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> 3x, NY is no fault. I will be paying till 2030. SMH.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand NY is no fault. So is my state, Ohio. But that only applies to child support, not spousal, here.

If your ex gets remarried or co-habitates, the spousal support comes to an end. Child support continues.

Perhaps there's no alimony in your D....


----------



## angstire

happyman64 said:


> RG
> Do you really think in her selfish mind that she evens considers you a coparent or your feelings?
> 
> You are the sperm donor and lousy financial support .
> 
> Now you are really seeing her. The real her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or she did it partially with a smug grin that it would hurt you. "I wish I could be there to see the look on this face when he finds out." bwahahahaha


----------



## Lifescript

Just catching up with this new development RG ... 

And she complains you didn't fight for her ... 

F' her!


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Alright guys, I am doing better now. Thanks for the support.
> 
> 3x, NY is no fault. I will be paying till 2030. SMH.
> 
> I am actually enjoying the day with my daughter.
> 
> I talked to my mother and she said, "what did you expect from her? Why are you surprised? She's done everything wrong... Don't expect anything else! Don't be a fool".
> 
> 2x4'd by my mom. But it got me back on track.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I like your Mom.


----------



## happyman64

Lifescript said:


> Just catching up with this new development RG ...
> 
> And she complains you didn't fight for her ...
> 
> *F' her!*


Uh? I think that is what got him connected to this woman forever in the first place......


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



happyman64 said:


> Uh? I think that is what got him connected to this woman forever in the first place......


Lol


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> She's the oldest of 6.
> 
> *Her father puts her on a pedestal*. Praises everything she does.
> 
> Father was an orphaned child. A chef. *Had problems with alcohol* and drugs. Worked long hours and wasn't around much. Had issues handling money.
> 
> Her mother is highly intelligent but has rarely worked because *she can't keep a job. Socially awkward, with a temper.*
> 
> She can't stand him, but they have stayed together.
> 
> *They moved/move from place to place because of money issues*.
> 
> *Mrs. RG's mother resents her*... Don't know why but it hasn't been pretty. To the point where I was coaching her on how to deal with her.
> *
> Her siblings have a love/hate relationship* with her because of the praise she received academically and musically.
> I tried coaching her on how to conduct herself with them as well: CDF before I knew what CDF was.
> 
> She didn't know her grandmother because her mother wouldn't talk to her... Or her own sister in fact... To this day.
> 
> *Her siblings all have issues.*
> 
> Mrs. RG has an impressive social network but *not many people that have her back*. I have that type of network and they made her fit in quick.
> 
> *I had joke with her back in the day: who's your best friend this month?*
> 
> Complete chaos.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



note she followed same path or 180'd them, but sometimes the extreme from an extreme still ends in anger


----------



## Chuck71

if imbecils moving has a pattern, she will move 500 miles away

LivinFree's did

Chuck's did

don't they say idiots come in threes?


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> if imbecils moving has a pattern, she will move 500 miles away
> 
> LivinFree's did
> 
> Chuck's did
> 
> don't they say idiots come in threes?


Yeah Chucky... It's amazing. New place, fresh start.

They are making these decisions at break neck speeds.

I am going to take The Zillard approach when I find someone I am interested in.

We did our exchange yesterday and she ran late... I was at a friend's house, when she got to the site... I was a little late.

I texted her that I would be at the site ten minutes after she got there because I wanted to finish feeding D4.

She called and started yapping... I hung up as I was only a block away.

When I get there, she tried to get an apology from me... Not happening.

Mrs. RG: I tried to make it on time because I know how on point you are. Where were you guys?

RG: At a friend's.

Mrs. RG: You should apologize... (She places her hand on my chest)... You ran late on Saturday and didn't give me a heads up.

RG: No phone service underground... Trains were heavily delayed. You know this.

Mrs. RG: (Taps me on the chest again)

I raise my brow

Mrs. RG: When I run late you make me beg like a pig for an extension...

I kiss D4 and walk away.

As expected an hour later...

Mrs. RG: If you are going to have D4 at your girlfriends pool buy her a bathing suit. Don't have the poor girl wearing cloths. If you can't afford one I bought 3 recently.

RG: Keep those ideas and suggestions to yourself. When she's with me I don't need them.

Mrs. RG: I am going by what she's feeling, she felt bad not having a bathing suit.

- BS. She had the time her life and didn't say a damn thing to me.

Mrs. RG: She's not a toy, she's a human being.

- Classic

Mrs. RG: Don't bother responding back. I am sure both have things we rather do than go back and forth with each other.

RG: Yes.

2 hours later.

Mrs. RG: Her ankle is swollen from bite marks. What happened?

RG: We were doing outside activities. She got bit.

Mrs. RG: She's reacting bad to it.

RG: She'll be fine.

Mrs. RG: I bought her calamine lotion for her.

PosOM, step up to the plate it's your turn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ms. GP

Holy crap. That conversation was so all over the place, I don't know what to say. It sounds like one minute she's flirting and the next she's insulting you. WTF?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

I surprised you didn't casually say "so I heard you guys moved?" Glad you didn't though.


----------



## GutPunch

Ms. GP said:


> Holy crap. That conversation was so all over the place, I don't know what to say. It sounds like one minute she's flirting and the next she's insulting you. WTF?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know...it's so entertaining.


----------



## Conrad

Ms. GP said:


> Holy crap. That conversation was so all over the place, I don't know what to say. It sounds like one minute she's flirting and the next she's insulting you. WTF?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's what she does.


----------



## ReGroup

During the meet, I explained the 1 Train situation - its all messed up this weekend.

I say, "we" as in passengers were stuck between stops.

She yells, "I don't care who you are with!"...

I wish you guys could be there with me in these exchanges - it's even better in person.

My cousin quipped, "wait till you get a real girlfriend... That's when the fun really begins".

On Saturday she was in a rage because, like I mentioned, the trains were all over the place... I know she wanted to tear me a new one.

I had my Nike Cross Fitted shirt on... Looking like a Free Safety...

She didn't say one word.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> During the meet, I explained the 1 Train situation - its all messed up this weekend.
> 
> I say, "we" as in passengers were stuck between stops.
> 
> She yells, "I don't care who you are with!"...
> 
> I wish you guys could be there with me in these exchanges - it's even better in person.
> 
> My cousin quipped, "wait till you get a real girlfriend... That's when the fun really begins".
> 
> On Saturday she was in a rage because like I mentioned the trains were all over the place... I know she wanted to tear me a new one.
> 
> I had my Nike Cross Fitted shirt on... Looking like a Free Safety...
> 
> She didn't say one word.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, but you're still a cheap balding show-stealer - even if your shirt looked good.


----------



## Conrad

BTW Group,

Do you have any doubts that she is not working this summer?

She was just trying to bully you into "daycare" money.

Right


----------



## Ceegee

It's got to be exhausting being her. So angry all the time.


----------



## Ms. GP

Paying for daycare while she's not working. I think my head just exploded! I'm changing your theme song from smile to F' you by Lily Allen. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> BTW Group,
> 
> Do you have any doubts that she is not working this summer?
> 
> She was just trying to bully you into "daycare" money.
> 
> Right




If by some miracle she is working she has till this Thursday to supply me with verification or she misses out.

I don't know what daycare D4 is attending.
I don't know where they live.
I don't know if she's working.
I don't know if she even has a functioning lawyer.

Sounds about right.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> If by some miracle she is working she has till this Thursday to supply me with verification or she misses out.
> 
> I don't know what daycare D4 is attending.
> I don't know where they live.
> I don't know if she's working.
> I don't know if she even has a functioning lawyer.
> 
> Sounds about right.


Yep I wouldn't give her a cent until all of the above is provided.


----------



## Ms. GP

I'd ask for a drug test too. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> During the meet, I explained the 1 Train situation - its all messed up this weekend.
> 
> I say, "we" as in passengers were stuck between stops.
> 
> She yells, "I don't care who you are with!"...
> 
> I wish you guys could be there with me in these exchanges - it's even better in person.
> 
> My cousin quipped, "wait till you get a real girlfriend... That's when the fun really begins".
> 
> On Saturday she was in a rage because like I mentioned the trains were all over the place... I know she wanted to tear me a new one.
> 
> I had my Nike Cross Fitted shirt on... Looking like a Free Safety...
> 
> She didn't say one word.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would love to be witness to one of these exchanges. Let me know when and I will bring my trusty iphone, newspaper and sit on the park bench as witness.

Then we can have fun blurring everyones faces......

Oh yes, I will be buying the beers afterwards. 

And on a sad note, I am sure you are thinking to yourself "How the hell did I fall in love with this wack job and marry her let alone have a child with her???"


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> I would love to be witness to one of these exchanges. Let me know when and I will bring my trusty iphone, newspaper and sit on the park bench as witness.
> 
> Then we can have fun blurring everyones faces......
> 
> Oh yes, I will be buying the beers afterwards.
> 
> And on a sad note, I am sure you are thinking to yourself "How the hell did I fall in love with this wack job and marry her let alone have a child with her???"


Oh a video of that would be priceless!:lol:


----------



## ReGroup

Damn, I just got a hit of pure sadness right now... eyes watery.

Sad because The Thread is going to lose steam and end soon.

I need to go find a even crazier woman.

TTRGandMO 2.0.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Damn, I just got a hit of pure sadness right now... eyes watery.
> 
> Sad because The Thread is going to lose steam and end soon.
> 
> I need to go find a even crazier woman.
> 
> TTRGandMO 2.0.


What are you talking about?

Just because you will be divorced truly means nothing.

You will be tied to this wacko through your daughter for a very long time.

Hell! She has had a BF for months and still comes to you to offload, download and sh!t upon.

What makes you think this will change?

Heck, she does not even give you common courtesies like where she is living, whom she is living with and if she is working. 

Oh No, you have a long term winner here ReGroup.

Your thread will live alot longer than you think.


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> What are you talking about?
> 
> Just because you will be divorced truly means nothing.
> 
> You will be tied to this wacko through your daughter for a very long time.
> 
> Hell! She has had a BF for months and still comes to you to offload, download and sh!t upon.
> 
> What makes you think this will change?
> 
> Heck, she does not even give you common courtesies like where she is living, whom she is living with and if she is working.
> 
> Oh No, you have a long term winner here ReGroup.
> 
> Your thread will live alot longer than you think.


There's no reason we can't put this one in the TAM Hall of Fame while it's still active.

I thought Z's wife was whacked, but she is so conventionally whacked.

Mrs. ReG will tear the skin from the bone over absolutely nothing.

And, think she's clever with her bullying tactics.

I'm sorry you have to deal with it, but - before long - you're going to be laughing with us.

Your cousin has the right idea.


----------



## tom67

This thread will never die kind of like a McDonalds hamburger. The World's First Bionic Burger - YouTube


----------



## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> This thread will never die kind of like a McDonalds hamburger. The World's First Bionic Burger - YouTube


As long as no one says anything to get it deleted. 

That would be a travesty.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: RG, When D4 s in your care you must take care of her better. Her body is covered in welts from bug bites that look more like spider bites or fleas. Also she has a slight sub burn on her face and told me that you did not put sunscreen on her. She also told me that she asked you for sunscreen and you said no. D4 always wears sunscreen when she is with me and she knows that it's a requirement for being outside for extended periods of time. Furthermore, not having her in a bathing suit is inconsiderate. Considering she has 3 new ones that I purchased for her. I even text you last night telling you that I would send some or that you should buy her at least one. D4 also mentioned you were not in the pool with her and your girlfriend was not around and was "buying something". I am EXTREMELY concerned about hearing that no adults were in the pool with D4. She does not know how to swim and did not have floaties or any swimming safety assistance. In addition I am still very concerned about D4 telling me last weekend about Neighbor's son showing her and other kid On the computer "big boobies wiggling". Supposedly you left D4 with Neighbor at her apartment while you went to get a hair cut. It seems that many times that D4 is supposed to be with you in your care she is not. All of these things that are being reported to me by D4 are disturbing and concerning and makes me feel a little weary about the care and safety she is receiving when in your time. I would appreciate having a conversation about this and would like some reassurance that I can trust that you are taking care of D4 Sending her back this weekend with welts all over body without treatment or explanation to me is a red flag. 

* I don't have a girlfriend.
* I never left her sight while in the pool.
* We were in the shade and D4 never asked for sunscreen.
* I should have gotten bug repellent.

She wrote that like she's documenting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Ignore it.

She doesn't even have an attorney


----------



## ReGroup

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: In addition I am still very concerned about D4 telling me last weekend about Neighbor's son showing her and other kid On the computer "big boobies wiggling". Supposedly you left D4 with Neighbor at her apartment while you went to get a hair cut. It seems that many times that D4 is supposed to be with you in your care.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The kid wasn't around that weekend.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> She wrote that like she's documenting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. Be wary. She moved without telling you. With PosOM. 

Next ploy could be to get primary custody of D4 by painting you in a bad light, and by 'documenting' your allegedly bad parenting skills. Don't reply at all to that text. In the future, word your texts with the foreknowledge that a judge may be reading them as well.

Group, you need to get this D done. Kick your attorney into high gear. Time for games is up.

Never underestimate your opponent.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> I agree. Be wary. She moved without telling you. With PosOM.
> 
> Next ploy could be to get primary custody of D4 by painting you in a bad light, and by 'documenting' your allegedly bad parenting skills. Don't reply at all to that text. In the future, word your texts with the foreknowledge that a judge may be reading them as well.
> 
> Group, you need to get this D done. Kick your attorney into high gear. Time for games is up.
> 
> Never underestimate your opponent.


I think they're on the traditional 80 (her)/20 (him)

He doesn't have much to lose.

She's psychotic.

She's only after more money.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> I think they're on the traditional 80 (her)/20 (him)
> 
> He doesn't have much to lose.
> 
> She's psychotic.
> 
> She's only after more money.


Got it.

So basically she just wanted to lecture him, hoping to create drama.

And maybe she wanted compensation for the calamine?


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> Ignore it.


Agreed. It's nothing but an empty threat meant to bully you into giving her something. AXW tried the same sort of thing, if you remember. We ignored it, and we never heard another word about any of it.

If she really wanted to use it, she would have gotten real evidence - photos of the bug bites and sunburn, for example - and given it to a competent attorney to use. Which is what I'm about to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Seems like each weekend there is some sort of Intel session.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BWBill

Keep in mind that Posom gets a free ride as long as she can feed her craziness with you.

However, he catches it when you don't respond.


----------



## ReGroup

BWBill said:


> Keep in mind that Posom gets a free ride as long as she can feed her craziness with you.
> 
> However, he catches it when you don't respond.


More reason to ignore everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Got it.
> 
> So basically she just wanted to lecture him, hoping to create drama.
> 
> And maybe she wanted compensation for the calamine?


It's absolutely killing her that he's moving on with his life without an eyeblink.

If he stays cool, firm, and dispassionate, she'll give up in about 10 years or so.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> It's absolutely killing her that he's moving on with his life without an eyeblink.
> 
> If he stays cool, firm, and dispassionate, she'll give up in about 10 years or so.


Lord! 10 years. Lol.

"Ask me about the f'ing new apartment RG!"...

Similar to Z's X. I ain't going to mention sh*t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pam

Y'all don't know me, but I feel like I know all of you; I follow all the threads and feel like y'all are "my kids".

Just FYI, even in the shade, little ones burn. Get some sunscreen and make sure you use it, simply for your d's sake. When little ones are having fun, they don't think to ask for it.


----------



## Conrad

Pam said:


> Y'all don't know me, but I feel like I know all of you; I follow all the threads and feel like y'all are "my kids".
> 
> Just FYI, even in the shade, little ones burn. Get some sunscreen and make sure you use it, simply for your d's sake. When little ones are having fun, they don't think to ask for it.


Pam,

He should get the sunscreen.

But, she won't stop.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Seems like each weekend there is some sort of Intel session.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Eeho, RG. Ignore it. Ignore everything from that woman. 

She's trying to manipulate you. That's it. 

Emotional control. She wants you to feel guilt and shame. 

That email was 10x longer than it needed to be. If she was only concerned about sunscreen and insect repellent she would have said "please remember the sunscreen and insect repellent".


----------



## angstire

Conrad said:


> It's absolutely killing her that he's moving on with his life without an eyeblink.
> 
> If he stays cool, firm, and dispassionate, she'll give up in about 10 years or so.


hahahahah...eh, mmm, that's too bad ReGroup, sorry.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Lord! 10 years. Lol.
> 
> "Ask me about the f'ing new apartment RG!"...
> 
> Similar to Z's X. I ain't going to mention sh*t.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I tell you send her over the edge and say "for the record I am recording this conversation" Notice I said for the record tell her because of her past dealings your attorney recommended this.:lol:


----------



## tom67

And hopefully that should speed up thee "10 year plan" oye vey I hope so.:banghead::banghead:


----------



## happyman64

RG

Your cousin is right. Wait till you get a GF.

Her eyes will popout, she will quiver & shake, then your phone is gonna be blown up by her.

Then D4 will really have something to report.

Your poor kid must get interrogated by your STBX.

HM


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> RG
> 
> Your cousin is right. Wait till you get a GF.
> 
> Her eyes will popout, she will quiver & shake, then your phone is gonna be blown up by her.
> 
> Then D4 will really have something to report.
> 
> Your poor kid must get interrogated by your STBX.
> 
> HM


Like I told BW once sigh--go to backpage look under "escorts" and pick one young hottie especially if you have a wedding or some function to go to where Mrs. RG will be. I'm not saying do anything illegal Off the record I did this and I didn't tell mom and dad but told sis, she was laughing. But ex was so pissed but wait she was with her man WTF why did she careHmm. Notice How I said nothing illegal


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> RG
> 
> Your cousin is right. Wait till you get a GF.
> 
> Her eyes will popout, she will quiver & shake, then your phone is gonna be blown up by her.
> 
> Then D4 will really have something to report.
> 
> Your poor kid must get interrogated by your STBX.
> 
> HM


Her head will blow up like in scanners.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Tom was right, I shoulda done it.


----------



## Pam

Conrad,

I know she wouldn't quit, and I was completely unfocused on anything about her. I'm a grandmother several times over, and I was only focused on little skin and sunburn. I think RG is doing very well, and that woman isn't.


----------



## ReGroup

Pam said:


> Conrad,
> 
> I know she wouldn't quit, and I was completely unfocused on anything about her. I'm a grandmother several times over, and I was only focused on little skin and sunburn. I think RG is doing very well, and that woman isn't.


Hey Pam,

That's something I have to improve on.
Those small little details.

I usually just pick up and go. I have to be a little be more mindful - just because I don't I need sunscreen doesn't mean she doesn't.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Hey Pam,
> 
> That's something I have to improve on.
> Those small little details.
> 
> I usually just pick up and go. I have to be a little be more mindful - just because I don't I need sunscreen doesn't mean she doesn't.


Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater


----------



## angstire

Conrad said:


> Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater


*smirk*


----------



## hope4family

happyman64 said:


> RG
> 
> Your cousin is right. Wait till you get a GF.
> 
> Her eyes will popout, she will quiver & shake, then your phone is gonna be blown up by her.
> 
> Then D4 will really have something to report.
> 
> Your poor kid must get interrogated by your STBX.
> 
> HM


I dont have a girlfriend. 

Soon after we finalized the divorce. I hosted a party. Long story short, she met my best friends girlfriend. She had a look on her face when I introduced them to each other that made my friend think my ex wanted to kill her. 

Two days later, mutual friends of my ex-wife saw us. (Me and my bf girlfriend eating at restaurant) 

There were some internet posts that were obviously about me, and some that were very vague since then. People often approach me about it, and that's how I know.

Edit: She pulled a lot of temper tantrums with me since then.


----------



## Mavash.

If you weren't such a bad husband and father <giggle> how ever would she get PosOM to rescue her?


----------



## ReGroup

hope4family said:


> Edit: She pulled a lot of temper tantrums with me since then.


Of course she has... I mean, who would ever want you? Or that's what she thought.


----------



## Mavash.

Happy people don't throw tantrums.


----------



## ReGroup

Team Fantasy just sent the modified page to Team RG.

Now we are talking. He's going to mail it to parts unknown.

Almost time to set the clocks for 6 months of filing.

No regrets... Just satisfaction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Team Fantasy just sent the modified page to Team RG.
> 
> Now we are talking. He's going to mail it to parts unknown.
> 
> Almost time to set the clocks for 6 months of filing.
> 
> No regrets... Just satisfaction.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Smoked her out.

Great job.


----------



## hope4family

ReGroup said:


> Of course she has... I mean, who would ever want you? Or that's what she thought.


The only reason I'm not in a relationship. Is because I really like the guy in the mirror. 

I get enough compliments now, that when a female tells me something it no longer humors me.

Edit: But it still feels nice, considering where i've been.


----------



## ReGroup

hope4family said:


> The only reason I'm not in a relationship. Is because I really like the guy in the mirror.
> 
> I get enough compliments now, that when a female tells me something it no longer humors me.
> 
> Edit: But it still feels nice, considering where i've been.


I know the feeling - Like hell, I don't want to latch on to a similar situation.

I don't need a woman in my life right now. Or better yet, there is no rush. When I am ready, the right woman will find me.

I'll date, but I'll be extra careful.

I used to be jealous of the headstart that Mrs. RG has on me - I no longer feel that. They have a lot of hurdle to cross I am sure of it.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I know the feeling - Like hell, I don't want to latch on to a similar situation.
> 
> I don't need a woman in my life right now. Or better yet, there is no rush. When I am ready, the right woman will find me.
> 
> I'll date, but I'll be extra careful.
> 
> I used to be jealous at the headstart that Mrs. RG has on me - I no longer feel that. They have a lot of hurdle to cross I am sure of it.


Hurdles the height of Mount Everest.


----------



## happyman64

And you guys do need to be extra careful. I have a buddy a year out of divorce and in trouble because he was not careful rebuilding his self esteem. 

Not only are raincoats mandatory but you have to make sure the next woman in your lives have much less "crazy"  going on in their heads.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

happyman64 said:


> And you guys do need to be extra careful. I have a buddy a year out of divorce and in trouble because he was not careful rebuilding his self esteem.
> 
> Not only are raincoats mandatory but you have to make sure the next woman in your lives have much less "crazy" going on in their heads.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree!

I am better prepared for it this time. 

A pretty face won't keep me around if it's not what I am looking for.

The "lucky to have her" mentality is GONE.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Good for you, RG. But be really careful indeed. I remember months ago where you opined that guys like you and I seen to attract the whack jobs.


----------



## WasHappyatOneTime

Just read your story. Now my eyes hurt. You have done a wonderful job ReGroup. I see similarities in your story with mine. I need to post mine but I really am not sure where to begin. I hope you find happiness and make sure your XW does not poison your D with her impurity


----------



## BWBill

_Mrs. RG: In addition I am still very concerned about D4 telling me last weekend about Neighbor's son showing her and other kid On the computer "big boobies wiggling". Supposedly you left D4 with Neighbor at her apartment while you went to get a hair cut. It seems that many times that D4 is supposed to be with you in your care._

Consider reminding her that the kid was out of town and suggest that maybe it was posom’s computer.

The negative, of course, is engaging her. However, it does plant a seed in her mind. if there is ever a hint of porn around posom he will hear about it for the rest of their relationship. Even if there is not she will probably bring it up at some point.


----------



## ReGroup

WasHappyatOneTime said:


> Just read your story. Now my eyes hurt. You have done a wonderful job ReGroup. I see similarities in your story with mine. I need to post mine but I really am not sure where to begin. I hope you find happiness and make sure your XW does not poison your D with her impurity


Thanks!

We'll be looking forward to reading your story... we'll jump in with advice, support and 2x4's when ever you need it.


----------



## ReGroup

BWBill said:


> _Mrs. RG: In addition I am still very concerned about D4 telling me last weekend about Neighbor's son showing her and other kid On the computer "big boobies wiggling". Supposedly you left D4 with Neighbor at her apartment while you went to get a hair cut. It seems that many times that D4 is supposed to be with you in your care._
> 
> Consider reminding her that the kid was out of town and suggest that maybe it was posom’s computer.
> 
> The negative, of course, is engaging her. However, it does plant a seed in her mind. if there is ever a hint of porn around posom he will hear about it for the rest of their relationship. Even if there is not she will probably bring it up at some point.


:lol:


----------



## ReGroup

Damn, just got our first tuition bill for the school year.

LOL... this will be a comical week.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Damn, just got our first tuition bill for the school year.
> 
> LOL... this will be a comical week.


The FAN Club stands ready.


----------



## GutPunch

Release the hounds!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WasHappyatOneTime

What actions would you have to do if TF or, Mrs. ReGroup, does not sign the papers? It seems she will try and drag this out as long as possible. 

I can't see how this posom can live with someone for a year and her still be married. Amazes me


----------



## ThreeStrikes

WasHappyatOneTime said:


> What actions would you have to do if TF or, Mrs. ReGroup, does not sign the papers? It seems she will try and drag this out as long as possible.
> 
> *I can't see how this posom can live with someone for a year and her still be married. Amazes me*


It's easy sex for him, at the moment. And she is probably bombing him with sex and love, making him feel like a champ.

But, we get the satisfaction of knowing how it will pan out for him.

Sucka!


----------



## Conrad

When she's living with posOM but still married to Group, Group gets all the fitness testing - and he gets the goods.

That will be changing soon.


----------



## BWBill

_I can't see how this posom can live with someone for a year and her still be married. Amazes me _


It's all RG's fault.


----------



## Bullwinkle

LOL, BWBill


----------



## WasHappyatOneTime

I am sure she told this posom "but you're different. I really love you." <insert eyeroll>


----------



## ReGroup

WasHappyatOneTime said:


> I am sure she told this posom "but you're different. I really love you." <insert eyeroll>


Yes. 

The affair was the easy part for them.

Now to live together - with me being a thorn on their side and a confused 4 year old wondering, "what's going on?"...

They will have a lot on their plate. 

If she gets pregnant - it'll be a whole lot messier.


----------



## WasHappyatOneTime

ReGroup said:


> Yes.
> 
> The affair was the easy part for them.
> 
> Now to live together - with me being a thorn on their side and a confused 4 year old wondering, "what's going on?"...
> 
> They will have a lot on their plate.
> 
> If she gets pregnant - it'll be a whole lot messier.


That is when that guy will run for the hills. That was not in his plans. Sometimes plans get changed.


----------



## Mavash.

Thing is she's living with this guy for all the wrong reasons. It's not because she's in love it's because she needs the income.

If she were in love and happy she wouldn't care about you but that's not the case is it?

I suspect PosOM has a teensy bit of morals and inquired as to the status of her divorce or maybe he gave her some money to pay for the attorney. He's definately a rescuer and we all know how that turns out. LOL


----------



## WasHappyatOneTime

It seems if she had to live on her own, she would not make ends meet. Enter cash machine.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Thing is she's living with this guy for all the wrong reasons. It's not because she's in love it's because she needs the income.
> 
> If she were in love and happy she wouldn't care about you but that's not the case is it?
> 
> I suspect PosOM has a teensy bit of morals and inquired as to the status of her divorce or maybe he gave her some money to pay for the attorney. He's definately a rescuer and we all know how that turns out. LOL


Which cause her to resent RG even more. Ooh, what a vicious circle.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Which cause her to resent RG even more. Ooh, what a vicious circle.


What do you expect from a cheap, balding, show-stealing FAN?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> What do you expect from a cheap, balding, show-stealing FAN?


That never gets old does it C?


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Which cause her to resent RG even more. Ooh, what a vicious circle.


LOL you have NO idea.

I had a crazy wife neighbor who divorced nice guy friend of my husbands TWO YEARS AGO. 

He's moved on and has a nice girlfriend and the ex wife STILL yells at him and tries to make his life miserable. She has a new boyfriend but he's truly a POS.

Guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side after all.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> That never gets old does it C?


It was just so extraordinarily over-the-top that it should never be forgotten.

We'll be laughing about this one for years.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> It was just so extraordinarily over-the-top that it should never be forgotten.
> 
> We'll be laughing about this one for years.


She's got a little left in the tank, I am sure.

My job here on out is to ignore the hell out of her... so that she can redirect ALL of her attention to her lover.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> LOL you have NO idea.
> 
> I had a crazy wife neighbor who divorced nice guy friend of my husbands TWO YEARS AGO.
> 
> He's moved on and has a nice girlfriend and the ex wife STILL yells at him and tries to make his life miserable. She has a new boyfriend but he's truly a POS.
> 
> Guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side after all.


Damn... How does he react to this?

I might be glimpsing into the future right now.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She's got a little left in the tank, I am sure.
> 
> My job here on out is to ignore the hell out of her... so that she can redirect ALL of her attention to her lover.


You'll still get some hostile fire in the near term.

Is it difficult not to laugh when you're face to face?

We should chip in and get you a t-shirt to wear at the exchanges.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Damn... How does he react to this?
> 
> I might be glimpsing into the future right now.


He doesn't have TAM and no I won't suggest it.

He's done some things right like asking for proof on things financial relating to their kid.

But he's done a lot of things wrong like continuing to allow her to call and cuss him out.

My husband says she's so loud he can hear her when his friend is on the phone with her.

Oh sure he hangs up on her but not before she gets a few blows in first.

Not good.

You're already ahead of him.


----------



## ReGroup

My Pre TAM Face - Was that of no expression... I didn't know what was going on and didn't know how to express it.

One time mid last year she claimed I had Aspergers Syndrome and might fit on the Autistic Spectrum.

Post TAM Face - I carry a smirk. Nothing this woman can say, can bother me in any way. I know the source of which it comes from.

Though in person, most of the time, she doesn't pull any of the stunts that she does on email.

I laugh after every meet.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I laugh after every meet.


Me too! LOL

Last time, I started laughing as I was walking out the door to my car.

She yells "What's so funny?"

I ignored, got in my car. 

Cue the text barrage. I ignore.

Now the phone rings. I ignore.

LOL

Smiled all the way home.


----------



## Ms. GP

Hey regroup. By chance did you play the Edwin McCain song, "Greatest FAN of your life," at your wedding to Mrs Regroup. That might explain things. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WasHappyatOneTime

ReGroup said:


> One time mid last year she claimed I had Aspergers Syndrome and might fit on the Autistic Spectrum.


Didn't she claim D4 should be tested? She continues to sound like an educated idiot or one educated beyond her intelligence. I check the stove three times before I go to bed, should I be tested? 

Someone posted early on she will be a thorn in your side for years to come.....he seemed to be right.


----------



## Conrad

WasHappyatOneTime said:


> Didn't she claim D4 should be tested? She continues to sound like an educated idiot or one educated beyond her intelligence. I check the stove three times before I go to bed, should I be tested?
> 
> Someone posted early on she will be a thorn in your side for years to come.....he seemed to be right.


She's an idiot all right.

We've established that.


----------



## Chuck71

ThreeStrikes said:


> Me too! LOL
> 
> Last time, I started laughing as I was walking out the door to my car.
> 
> She yells "What's so funny?"
> 
> I ignored, got in my car.
> 
> Cue the text barrage. I ignore.
> 
> Now the phone rings. I ignore.
> 
> LOL
> 
> Smiled all the way home.



at least your floors did not shake


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Chuck71 said:


> at least your floors did not shake


:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::lol::lol::lol:


----------



## Chuck71

Group must work for tobacco company

he gets us hooked and goes cold  :smthumbup:

baseball fans......am I crazy in this thinking

last year each league went to five playoff teams

within five years look for six teams to see playoffs

each league will add one team...break divisions

into four teams of four

More baseball! Nah....just more gate $$.

The 162 game season becomes more and more

meaningless. World Series will then be best of nine

end rant


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> Group must work for tobacco company
> 
> he gets us hooked and goes cold  :smthumbup:
> 
> baseball fans......am I crazy in this thinking
> 
> last year each league went to five playoff teams
> 
> within five years look for six teams to see playoffs
> 
> each league will add one team...break divisions
> 
> into four teams of four
> 
> More baseball! Nah....just more gate $$.
> 
> The 162 game season becomes more and more
> 
> meaningless. World Series will then be best of nine
> 
> end rant


Go figure Selig was a used car salesman, quite fitting.


----------



## Chuck71

Selig needs a hair cut, the Moe Howard look went out in 1961

Milwaukee should have returned to AL, NOT Houston

Milwaukee was in AL to begin with

he purposefully put a team in Seattle to fail

he wanted a team back in Milwaukee

the Braves were winners and never posted losing record

in 13 years. The commish can not own a ballclub

insert Wendy Selig-Prebul........his daughter

LOL Bud had a daughter UGH She has to be uglier

than Amy Carter was


----------



## GutPunch

Chuck,

You should see my 1933 Goudey baseball card collection. 

I have a massive baseball card collection from childhood.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup is a Mets' fan.

Like them, he disappears during baseball season.


----------



## GutPunch

OK...slow Friday at work. 

What can ReGroup do to get Mrs. ReGroup fired up.

Any ideas?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> ReGroup is a Mets' fan.
> 
> Like them, he disappears during baseball season.


Unlike the Mets, he's the show stealer at home.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> ReGroup is a Mets' fan.
> 
> Like them, he disappears during baseball season.


Ouch!:rofl:


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> OK...slow Friday at work.
> 
> What can ReGroup do to get Mrs. ReGroup fired up.
> 
> Any ideas?


Breathe


----------



## GutPunch

Maybe text her and tell her he quit his job and will be falling behind on support payments. That he will try to pay her back when he gets a new one hopefully.


----------



## tom67

The notch has to be getting berated by Mrs. RG as we speak or she threw him on the bed and...:scratchhead:


----------



## GutPunch

How about this? Is wh*re broke up with him and he's devastated and needs someone to talk too.


----------



## tom67

GutPunch said:


> Maybe text her and tell her he quit his job and will be falling behind on support payments. That he will try to pay her back when he gets a new one hopefully.


Tell her his new rich girlfriend will help him out.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Maybe text her and tell her he quit his job and will be falling behind on support payments. That he will try to pay her back when he gets a new one hopefully.


Let her know he'll be expecting child support from her and posOM.


----------



## GutPunch

tom67 said:


> tell her his new rich girlfriend will help him out.


lmao!


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> lmao!


How about, "I didn't realize I was balding until you pointed it out. So, I'm going to skip the next 6 months worth of child support and visit Hair Club For Men."


----------



## tom67

Family Guy - Mets Fan Joke - YouTube


----------



## Chuck71

GutPunch said:


> Chuck,
> 
> You should see my 1933 Goudey baseball card collection.
> 
> I have a massive baseball card collection from childhood.


holy sh!tpiles Batman! GP we's need to talk!! Seriously


----------



## Ms. GP

How about are you OK? You look tired. Or have you gained weight? 

Low blow. I know. Ha ha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

What about "Mrs. RG I am moving to South Miami Beach with my new gal, Princess Bethany of Luxemburg. Can you keep D4 while we are on our Mediterranean honeymoon for the next two months?"


----------



## Mavash.

Ya'll are really reaching.

"I dreamed about you last night" would suffice. LOL


----------



## GutPunch

mavash. said:


> ya'll are really reaching.
> 
> "i dreamed about you last night" would suffice. Lol


perfect!


----------



## Chuck71

that would be a nightmare!

"I found some black lace panties in my bed. Were you here?"


----------



## Mavash.

Okay then wait 10-15 minutes after sending my text and send this one "ooops sent that to the wrong person." LOL


----------



## ReGroup

LOL... You guys and gals are too much.

Mrs. RG must have found happiness or just quit harrassing me.

No verification for summer work - she must think I am playing... If I don't get verification timely, I'm not paying retro. I am such an ass.

Support payment going straight to school this week. I am sure she doesn't know this.

Shock and Awe.


----------



## Chuck71

another happiernow?


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> LOL... You guys and gals are too much.
> 
> Mrs. RG must have found happiness or just quit harrassing me.
> 
> No verification for summer work - she must think I am playing... If I don't get verification timely, I'm not paying retro. I am such an ass.
> 
> Support payment going straight to school this week. I am sure she doesn't know this.
> 
> Shock and Awe.


we need our daily fix Group

entertain us or I will put a hex on the Mets

wait.....there already is one. damn!


----------



## Mavash.

She's a bit busy with unpacking and patting herself on the back for suckering him in to 'save her'. 

I can giggle because I know how this ends.

For you RG I just hope she signs those papers while she's still in her delusion.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> For you RG I just hope she signs those papers while she's still in her delusion.


:lol:

I have been nervous entire month.

I hope she follows through and doesn't hold it back any longer.

I don't want to meet Mrs. RG 2.0 just to realize things aren't even in the swing of things.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> No verification for summer work - she must think I am playing... If I don't get verification timely, I'm not paying retro. I am such an ass.


Quit soft-pedaling it.

You're a CHEAP, balding, show-stealing FAN.

And, she doesn't know what she ever saw in you and the best thing she ever did was dump your ****** azz.

Remember Group - everything in context.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> LOL... You guys and gals are too much.
> 
> *Mrs. RG must have found happiness or just quit harrassing me.*
> 
> No verification for summer work - she must think I am playing... If I don't get verification timely, I'm not paying retro. I am such an ass.
> 
> Support payment going straight to school this week. I am sure she doesn't know this.
> 
> Shock and Awe.


Nah. PosOM is getting a taste of her craziness and drama. Be thankful.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> another happiernow?


I believe they're sisters.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> :lol:
> 
> I have been nervous entire month.
> 
> I hope she follows through and doesn't hold it back any longer.
> 
> I don't want to meet Mrs. RG 2.0 just to realize things aren't even in the swing of things.


Don't be nervous. Can't you see that everything is working out to your favor?

This was another mistake my friend made - he didn't capitalize on the fog. As soon as his wife moved in with OM he should have RAN to his attorney and filed before she realized it wasn't going to go as well as she'd hoped.

The OM in her case is a controlling, narcissistic true POS. She left a very nice guy for HIM. :lol:


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> I believe they're sisters.


Exhibit A and B for birth control


----------



## LongWalk

I return from being banned to discover almost nothing is happening here... but if she moved in with POSOM, won't that relationship begin to go into a new phase?

RG, did the two of you go to Mets games? Or is she a Yankee fan?


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> I return from being banned to discover almost nothing is happening here... but if she moved in with POSOM, won't that relationship begin to go into a new phase?


Yes, Group needs to move this thing along.

Pretty soon, Mrs. Group will realize just what posOM is.

And, more importantly, he's going to get a good look at her.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> I return from being banned to discover almost nothing is happening here... but if she moved in with POSOM, won't that relationship begin to go into a new phase?
> 
> RG, did the two of you go to Mets games? Or is she a Yankee fan?


They are co workers + she's married + D4 + The FAN + they live together ...

It's a recipe for disaster.

When conflict begins, we'll hear about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup

It has been awhile? Is there a reason for not exposing the affair at her work or did you? No cheaterville either right?


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> ReGroup
> 
> It has been awhile? Is there a reason for not exposing the affair at her work or did you? No cheaterville either right?


My biggest mistake.

I exposed to my family and friends.

Someone that lives in my building that works with them has spread the word at there job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Someone that lives in my building that works with them has spread the word at there job.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nice! You didn't even have to deal with the fallout that way.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> My biggest mistake.
> 
> I exposed to my family and friends.
> 
> Someone that lives in my building that works with them has spread the word at there job.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why was exposing a mistake in your opinion?


----------



## GutPunch

tom67 said:


> Why was exposing a mistake in your opinion?


He didn't expose and I think regrets it.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Why was exposing a mistake in your opinion?


It's that he did not.


----------



## tom67

That would make sense thanks.


----------



## ReGroup

I wish I could go back in time and smack myself a few times. LOL.

But, things are playing out great right now.

I am dating half the single women in NYC.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I wish I could go back in time and smack myself a few times. LOL.
> 
> But, things are playing out great right now.
> 
> I am dating half the single women in NYC.


The 7 *****s of Babylon


----------



## Mavash.

I think you'll look back and realize it all worked out for the best.

This is not the woman for you.

Or for anyone else either. LOL


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I wish I could go back in time and smack myself a few times. LOL.
> 
> But, things are playing out great right now.
> 
> I am dating half the single women in NYC.


You and Derick Jeter.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> You and Derick Jeter.


A new TV Series - Group and the Spankee nails New York.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> A new TV Series - Group and the Spankee nails New York.


Put it on the spice channel.:rofl:


----------



## tom67

I digress RG you have come a long way we all make mistakes you are one of the smarter ones because you listened and learned from those mistakes aside from still being a mets fan


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> I digress RG you have come a long way we all make mistakes you are one of the smarter ones because you listened and learned from those mistakes aside from still being a mets fan


Not to mention a cheap, balding, show-stealing, FAN.


----------



## hope4family

Were all FANs of him.


----------



## tom67

hope4family said:


> Were all FANs of him.


:iagreelease make sure your kid doesn't turn out like mom.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> :iagreelease make sure your kid doesn't turn out like mom.


If your kid grows up and starts stealing the show at pre-K graduations?

We'll know whose fault it is.


----------



## Pbartender

tom67 said:


> I digress RG you have come a long way we all make mistakes you are one of the smarter ones because you listened and learned from those mistakes aside from still being a mets fan


That's not a mistake, Tom... It's a character flaw.


----------



## ReGroup

I might have played myself this time.

Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 up tomorrow or your mother?

You need to be here at 830 sharp.

RG: I'll be there at the regularly scheduled pick up time 9.

Mrs. RG: RG, I won't be able to bring her at 9.

You can be cool and pick her up at 830 given that you made me wait last week.

So if you are able to compromise and pick her up at 830, because I won't be able to drop her off at 9.

If not, I'll take her with me. Your call.

RG: I am not ok with you giving orders.

9 is the agreed pick up time.

Anything else... You request.

Take her with you.

Mrs. RG: I'm not giving orders psycho. Something came up time sensative. I was asking if you could pick up your daughter 30.minutes earlier. Not a problem.

9 is the agreed time and you made me wait some last week.

I don't mind having her this weekend 

Dont bother responding.
--------------------------------------------------
FML
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I might have played myself this time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 up tomorrow or your mother?
> 
> You need to be here at 830 sharp.
> 
> RG: I'll be there at the regularly scheduled pick up time 9.
> 
> Mrs. RG: RG, I won't be able to bring her at 9.
> 
> You can be cool and pick her up at 830 given that you made me wait last week.
> 
> So if you are able to compromise and pick her up at 830, because I won't be able to drop her off at 9.
> 
> If not, I'll take her with me. Your call.
> 
> RG: I am not ok with you giving orders.
> 
> 9 is the agreed pick up time.
> 
> Anything else... You request.
> 
> Take her with you.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I'm not giving orders psycho. Something came up time sensative. I was asking if you could pick up your daughter 30.minutes earlier. Not a problem.
> 
> 9 is the agreed time and you made me wait some last week.
> 
> I don't mind having her this weekend
> 
> Dont bother responding.
> --------------------------------------------------
> FML
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Life is about trial and error, psycho


----------



## ReGroup

Lol...

I should have taken a softer approach.

Damn her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> I should have taken a softer approach.
> 
> Damn her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG the game just changed.

You know this right?


----------



## Canardo

Don't beat yourself up. Learn for the next time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG the game just changed.
> 
> You know this right?


Preach... I have no clue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Preach... I have no clue.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The divorce papers are in process.

The PosOM has moved in.

Communicating for haymakers is pointless now.

You can let your guard down and pick your battles.

You only get your daughter so very few days so to her first text I would have simply said "ok".

I'm aware now that she's in my top list of worst communicators and if it were me I'd adjust my response to take that in consideration.

I say this because I have a friend who I swear to God is just as bad at communicating as Mrs RG is. She means no harm she just sucks at it. 



> You need to be here at 830 sharp.


This translated means "I have somewhere to be". Yes yes it's an order but is this the hill you want to die on?

Now had she ordered something BIG I'd have a different answer but 30 minutes isn't worth having a conversation over. She's no longer your problem. She's HIS problem now.


----------



## ReGroup

Ok, I understand.

I actually have something planned in the early morning. That's why I couldn't commit to 830.

Dammit all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I actually have something planned in the early morning. That's why I couldn't commit to 830.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why didn't you say that?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Why didn't you say that?


Don't know Mavi... Foolish.

I let my own ego get in the way.

But I need to adjust to the new approach.

How can I communicate effectively with someone like her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Don't know Mavi... Foolish.
> 
> I let my own ego get in the way.
> 
> But I need to adjust to the new approach.
> 
> How can I communicate effectively with someone like her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can help you switch gears.

And yes it matters depending on the type and status of the relationship.

There is a time to stand your ground and a time to let it go.

With my friend who communicates badly I've learned to be a bit of a mind reader and/or I stay a bit flexible with her. 

She annoys me at times but I cut her some slack because she is of no concern to me. Our daughters are close....we are not. It's similar to the approach you will take with the stbxw as you transition to this new phase of your relationship.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Don't know Mavi... Foolish.
> 
> I let my own ego get in the way.
> 
> But I need to adjust to the new approach.
> 
> How can I communicate effectively with someone like her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's about awareness RG. You have all these new communication tools and you don't know which to use when. It will come in time. 

This was in email, no? Take your time to respond. Don't react. Leave emotion out. Yes she was barking orders. Just stick to the facts. 

You want to see poor communication? I'll show you last email exchange with MCG.


----------



## ReGroup

Man, I am so irked right now.

I feel like I took a massive (L) tonight.

The Fantasy Couple having the time of their lives, discussing my "psycho" behavior... While I sit here.

Yup, I am wallowing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Ceegee: D7 woke up with a temp of 102.3 this morning. Gave her Tylenol and fever subsided.

Made an appointment for her with Dr Grant. She tested negative for strep. He said she does have tonsillitis though. 

I'm getting her a prescription at Walgreens right now.

MCG: thanks for letting me know. she and S9 both have well checks tomorrow. you may want to reschedule to next week when she is feeling better.

Ceegee: The well check is next week isn't it? It's on the 24th. 

MCG: I thought they were calling to remind of the appointment but they need to reschedule the appointment.

Ceegee: So which day is it?

MCG: I didn't reschedule it. I thought you would since you have them in July.

At this point I gave up and just called the Dr's office myself to confirm the time. In the past this would have continued until I got an answer. Full on argument.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I can help you switch gears.
> 
> And yes it matters depending on the type and status of the relationship.
> 
> There is a time to stand your ground and a time to let it go.
> 
> With my friend who communicates badly I've learned to be a bit of a mind reader and/or I stay a bit flexible with her.
> 
> She annoys me at times but I cut her some slack because she is of no concern to me. Our daughters are close....we are not. It's similar to the approach you will take with the stbxw as you transition to this new phase of your relationship.


Let's make it happen.

I need learn this on the fly... Crash course.

I can't lose again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Let's make it happen.
> 
> I need learn this on the fly... Crash course.
> 
> I can't lose again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The first lesson is you must be willing to lose. 

I learned the most by making mistakes.

You won't beat this life law.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Ceegee: D7 woke up with a temp of 102.3 this morning. Gave her Tylenol and fever subsided.
> 
> Made an appointment for her with Dr Grant. She tested negative for strep. He said she does have tonsillitis though.
> 
> I'm getting her a prescription at Walgreens right now.
> 
> MCG: thanks for letting me know. she and S9 both have well checks tomorrow. you may want to reschedule to next week when she is feeling better.
> 
> Ceegee: The well check is next week isn't it? It's on the 24th.
> 
> MCG: I thought they were calling to remind of the appointment but they need to reschedule the appointment.
> 
> Ceegee: So which day is it?
> 
> MCG: I didn't reschedule it. I thought you would since you have them in July.
> 
> At this point I gave up and just called the Dr's office myself to confirm the time. In the past this would have continued until I got an answer. Full on argument.


Great example.

Thanks for posting this.

I see what you are saying. I need to adapt.

I won't get what I want by playing things the same as before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

I'm trying to read & catch up on your thread and then I see your a mets fan ...I may need to stop reading.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Man, I am so irked right now.
> 
> I feel like I took a massive (L) tonight.
> 
> The Fantasy Couple having the time of their lives, discussing my "psycho" behavior... While I sit here.
> 
> Yup, I am wallowing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't go there - don't think up mental images- you made a mistake - learn from it and move on. Keep like a mental notebook (or a real journal if that will help) next time you'll handle a situation like this differently.,


----------



## tom67

Show up at 8:35 screw her.


----------



## coachman

He only has balls when he bullies her for money


----------



## Chuck71

no one makes it on the first try, not even Neo

greatest victories are usually after humbling defeats

if I did not have the summer to forget, 1986

I never would have had the summer to remember, 1987


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> no one makes it on the first try, not even Neo
> 
> greatest victories are usually after humbling defeats
> 
> if I did not have the summer to forget, 1986
> 
> I never would have had the summer to remember, 1987


Hey chuck big city nights


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> Hey chuck big city nights


Lovedrive 1979, Animal Magnetism 1980, or any

live album is best played at 2 AM...loud

nothing like the country....peaceful, solitude, 

tics, snakes, wild boars, seething hogs

wait....my ex moved! scratch the hogs

looking up at the stars and smiling about 

the summers gone by


----------



## tom67

79 was big for cheap trick also.


----------



## Chuck71

most def! dream police! want you to want me....

currently rotating

Styx ~ Grand Illusion (Live) - YouTube


----------



## tom67

From what I remember Dennis Deyoung went to my hs in chicago hts il


----------



## Chuck71

IDK but he is from that area

friend who grew up in Chitown, graduated in 74

told me tales of Styx and Rush

he still has Styx records from Wooden Nickle


----------



## tom67

Gary Numan - Cars - YouTube


----------



## tom67

Thomas Dolby- She Blinded Me With Science - YouTube


----------



## Chuck71

who did the song that you think he says douche

blinded by the light?


----------



## tom67

Manfred Man ugh.


----------



## tom67

When I was 8 Jigsaw - Sky High -- [STEREO] - YouTube


----------



## Chuck71

new gal got the pine scent....reminded me, need to finish the fence


----------



## Chuck71

damn, when I was 8, Lovedrive was already out

picking up older gals on my big bad Kick n Go :rofl:


----------



## tom67

Oh Pat Pat Benatar - Invincible - YouTube


----------



## tom67

You're a football guy Rodney Harrison went to my hs look him up. So did Mike Prior.


----------



## Chuck71

HUGE Pat fan......Shadows of the Night

We Belong

All Fired Up

HeII is for Children

Invincible....great song and movie

except when the lil sisters ummm you know LOL ewww


----------



## tom67

THE ART OF NOISE (Feat. MAX HEADROOM) - PARANOIMIA 1986 (Audio Enhanced) - YouTube


----------



## tom67

The Fixx - One Thing Leads to Another - YouTube


----------



## Chuck71

not much from mine.... we were one big happy family

LOL no pun intended

one became a Dr....she and I were best friends

we competed like nothing else mattered, in the days of

she represented the girls, I did the guys...

the days of innocence...

funny I mention days of innocence, I'm proofing

a part of a book dealing with that...weird lol

Prior was set for stardom, until Dusty 

"Widowmaker" Baker blew his arm out.

But back in Bakers day, 300 IP was nothing


----------



## tom67

I'm just having flasbacks:scratchhead:


----------



## tom67

Falco - Der Kommissar - YouTube :smthumbup:


----------



## Chuck71

same here.....the last summer of innocence

damn what I'd give to be back there...

I just hope the readers feel that way too


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> Falco - Der Kommissar - YouTube :smthumbup:


made me think Rock me Amedamus immediately


----------



## tom67

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WZ33w3B8Hw


----------



## Chuck71

what I'd give to have a soundtrack of my choice to this book

Never Say Goodbye-Bon Jovi

This is the Time-Dennis DeYoung

Take it Easy-Andy Taylor

Heart and Soul-T'Pau

Look what the Cat Dragged In-Poison

just to namea few


----------



## tom67

Shannon- Henry Gross - YouTube sorry:scratchhead:


----------



## Chuck71

nice choice! too bad the lead gal's name is Angie.

I know it was Summer '87 but would be nice to have

Don Henley's '84 hit Boys of Summer


----------



## Chuck71

Group this is what your thread gets when you do not entertain the readers LOL


----------



## tom67

Scorpions-Rock You Like A Hurricane - YouTube oh yea


----------



## tom67

Chuck if you only read in the politics section Conrad is surprised I haven't been banned.:rofl::rofl:


----------



## Chuck71

you tube is hanging up here

50 miles from nowhere, whaddya expect

Scorpions Loving you Sunday Morning was a goodie


----------



## tom67

The Offspring - Self Esteem [HD] - YouTube


----------



## tom67

Pretty Fly For A Rabbi - Robin Hood: Men In Tights - YouTube :rofl::rofl:


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> Chuck if you only read in the politics section Conrad is surprised I haven't been banned.:rofl::rofl:


politics are like 16 y/o virgins at skating rink

you're as good as the four beers will get ya

i'm sure I will get banned, LW did

it's like my siggy says

freedom of speech

but watch what you say


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> politics are like 16 y/o virgins at skating rink
> 
> you're as good as the four beers will get ya
> 
> i'm sure I will get banned, LW did
> 
> it's like my siggy says
> 
> freedom of speech
> 
> but watch what you say


Democon or republocrat it doesn't matter if where part of the central banking system. Iran and North Korea aren't part of the club.


----------



## tom67

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm.... - YouTube


----------



## tom67

The Beatles - Not A Second Time [HQ] STEREO _ RARE - YouTube


----------



## tom67

Do The Hustle-Van Mccoy [480p] - YouTube


----------



## tom67

10cc - "I'm Not In Love" (1975) - YouTube ah 75


----------



## LongWalk

Chuck71 said:


> politics are like 16 y/o virgins at skating rink
> 
> you're as good as the four beers will get ya
> 
> i'm sure I will get banned, LW did
> 
> it's like my siggy says
> 
> freedom of speech
> 
> but watch what you say


Perhaps it is a good thing to be banned. Makes you think twice. The moderators must maintain some order.


----------



## Ceegee

This is like eavesdropping on two guys at a bar.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Get a room, you two


----------



## 06Daddio08

Mav is right ReGroup. It's time for you to switch up your approach in the conversations, in the name of coparenting for your daughter. Nothing more.

A large part of it is letting go of the battle it took to get where you are now, but don't forget what it took to get here. Be mindful of who she is, without letting it trigger you too badly. Does this mean you won't get irritated or eye roll from time to time? Of course not, but as Mavvie said, it's time to pick your battles.

Like Ceegee, if it's easier on your health to make a simple phone call, drop the "need" to win the battle with her and do it. Anything else is almost validation / approval seeking. 

As for what her and the other guy think about you, you know better. I know you do. At times it can grab at you, shrug it off.

When she brings up past "incidences" don't play ball. The thing is, "tit for tat" in regards to responsibilities is horrid for relationships and it's even worse for coparenting. Just because one parent was late one time doesn't give free reign for the other to do the same. If she is okay switching a day here and there, that doesn't mean you "must" do it for her, but take it into consideration.

If you had plans, that's all you have to say. No requirement to place "time sensitive" like she did, that's a weak form of manipulation and completely irrelevant to the situation. Let the slack on the rope go a bit and see how it plays out in doing so. If you both can become a bit more flexible in the name of coparenting, great. If not, shut it down without explanation or a sense of need in telling her "why".

Once again, as Mav said, she's a horrid communicator, so try and find a way to see past her words and read the actual meaning. Ignore the passive aggressive, blaming filler words that tends to be present.

Ex and I have gone through bouts of being very flexible and then stretches of not being willing or able to at all. There isn't a set scenario for coparenting like there is for getting a divorce, lots of fluctuating.

Go with the flow, the one that's controlled by you. Pick and choose, no need to blow the battle horn 24/7 anymore.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

I found, that when dealing with my crazy ex, I had to be very hard-core with the boundaries regarding our visitation. Particularly with pick-up and drop off times.

I threatened to take her to court, because she was so lacksidasical about it. Being an hour late, etc. Being completely disrespectful about my time. In my state, a parent can be held in contempt for crap like that. Which means a fine, and paying the court costs.

I nipped it in the bud, at the beginning.

Unfortunately for you, Group, you don't have a court-ordered visitation schedule yet. So you have very little leverage. You are more or less at her whim, and she's figuring that out.

Now is the time to push for finalizing the D. Get it done so you can truly "Move on".


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup, you were batting .375, until you struck out last time at bat. Don't sweat it.

When she calls you "psycho" it says a lot about her.

The arse nozzle letter, now that was psycho.

Get as much custody as you can.

Since she and POSOM work in the same school their relationship is going to be under a magnifying glass. How old are the kids. By the time they reach junior high even the kids will talk about it.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> ReGroup, you were batting .375, until you struck out last time at bat. Don't sweat it.


Yeah, he'll have to leave Father of the Year to the other contenders.


----------



## ReGroup

You guys ready?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> You guys ready?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This FAN has on his catcher's mitt


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> You guys ready?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Steal the show. Lets go.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: When are you depositing the money into the account?

RG: Money went towards tuition. 400USD - July through May monthly.

Mrs. RG: You are not to pay that. The money is to into the account from now on.

You paid 400 dollars what does that mean for the following deposit?

That's not tuition, that's the registration fee.*

I paid that you idiot.

You don't pay any of the other bills and this is to be included. The money is to go to the account and delegated by me.

Since you don't have a mature bone in your body to discuss things that involve D4.

RG: Subtract xxx from xxx and that's the next deposit.

I'll pay the tuition.

Mrs. RG: You are not paying tuition.

You are a piece of sh*t horrible father. You really are... You f*ck. You are to put the the money in the account.

I already paid that money and we won't get it back you f*ck. What is your problem azzhole!!!

You think you are doing something good by "paying the tuition"? A school you said to take D4 out of?

Anyone can be a father not everyone can be a dad. You sure as Hell aren't one!

RG: I going to pay the tuition each month on the 20th.

I'm not ok with insults.

Mrs RG: No you are not! **** you and what you are not ok with. I'm not ok knowing you. I'm not ok having had your evil sperm inside of me. I'm not on with who you are.*

I don't respect you. I don't like you. I'm not ok with you in me or my daughters life. I'm not ok with your ******* self.*

RG: I am sorry you feel that way M.

Mrs RG: No you're not! You didn't even fight for me or our relationship. You treated me like a second class citizen. Never making me feel good. You killed my self esteem you made me feel worthless. Like you do every single time I interact w you!

RG: I think we are talking past each other.

I think we can settle on a better method going fwd.

Mrs. RG: I'm talking past you because you can't deal with the truth. Don't bother responding. I'm sick to my stomach because of you.*


----------



## ReGroup

It came out disjointed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> It came out disjointed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I looked up disjointed in Wikipedia, and her picture is the illustration


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> It came out disjointed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh no I got it.

Thing is again I'm confused.

Did she know you were going to pay tuition directly?

If yes then why is she saying she paid it?

Did she change schools without telling you?

Weren't you once putting money in an account?

I think I know what's going on but just want to clarify.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... I'll fix it when I get to a computer.

Evil sperm?

I didn't fight for her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Oh no I got it.
> 
> Thing is again I'm confused.
> 
> Did she know you were going to pay tuition directly?
> 
> If yes then why is she saying she paid it?
> 
> Did she change schools without telling you?
> 
> Weren't you once putting money in an account?
> 
> I think I know what's going on but just want to clarify.


I always pay directly. We established this last year.

If she paid registration... She didn't tell me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Lol... I'll fix it when I get to a computer.
> 
> Evil sperm?
> 
> I didn't fight for her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


These are the things you ignore, you said you weren't okay with insults. All that needs to be done.

As for the tuition, do you have a paper trail?


----------



## Bullwinkle

Hey, Group, I've gotten the Evil Sperm speech too.

I said, I don't recall you complaining at the time.


----------



## Mavash.

She's a terrible communicator.

I'm wondering if she hasn't moved schools and therefore you've paid something she can't get back.


----------



## angstire

Wow, she's still pretty hateful. I thought she would be happy with her posOM, why is she so angry with you, if she's so happy?


----------



## Conrad

angstire said:


> Wow, she's still pretty hateful. I thought she would be happy with her posOM, why is she so angry with you, if she's so happy?


If she gets a user account here, it would be "happiernow"

Oh, wait... I think that one is already taken.


----------



## GutPunch

Somebody wanted that money for something else.

Her account must be getting low on funds.

She hates you controlling the support payments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> She's a terrible communicator.
> 
> I'm wondering if she hasn't moved schools and therefore you've paid something she can't get back.


Wow

I didn't even think about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> These are the things you ignore, you said you weren't okay with insults. All that needs to be done.
> 
> As for the tuition, do you have a paper trail?


Absolutely... I keep everything recorded.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I am not ok having your evil sperm inside of me.
> 
> I'm not ok with who you are.
> 
> I don't respect you and I don't like you.
> 
> I'm not ok with you in my and my daughters life. I'm not ok with your azzhole self.


Well too f'n bad. Not your problem. 

Plus, I think she's a Liar McFibberpants


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Wow
> 
> I didn't even think about that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol...if so...I bet she regrets not telling you now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

I think you handled that well. 

You're done here. Let her sort out the rest. 

I hope you're archiving these emails. Good for judge and child facilitator to see.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Wow
> 
> I didn't even think about that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She doesn't want you to know either like with her moving.

There were a few clues in her rant which is why I'm suspicious.

I could be wrong though.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Absolutely... I keep everything recorded.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Try and pay no mind to her threats and accusations, keep the focus on protecting yourself legally.

Are you able to use texts as evidence where you live?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Wow
> 
> I didn't even think about that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And, you will not have to pay it again

I'm thinking this could be a pretty fun month.


----------



## Mavash.

GutPunch said:


> Lol...if so...I bet she regrets not telling you now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here's what's scary.

She probably thinks she did.

My crazy sister is like that.

If she thought about telling me she did. Lol


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Here's what's scary.
> 
> She probably thinks she did.
> 
> My crazy sister is like that.
> 
> If she thought about telling me she did. Lol


My wife is exactly like that.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> My wife is exactly like that.


It's called Magical Thinking


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> My wife is exactly like that.


RG if you find out this is true about mrs RG then that further changes your strategy.

You won't like what I tell you to do but the alternative is more rants.

The D will help because this will be in writing and you need this because at the moment yes you are kinda at her mercy.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> RG if you find out this is true about mrs RG then that further changes your strategy.
> 
> You won't like what I tell you to do but the alternative is more rants.
> 
> The D will help because this will be in writing and you need this because at the moment yes you are kinda at her mercy.


Conrad's continual "do more, talk less" really helped. I control everything now so what she says means very little now. 

Things are pretty good; at least until she finds out I'm dating someone.


----------



## Conrad

ceegee said:


> conrad's continual "do more, talk less" really helped. I control everything now so what she says means very little now.
> 
> Things are pretty good; at least until she finds out *i'm dating someone.*


kaboom.....


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> kaboom.....


Who works at same company as her. Lol.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Who works at same company as her. Lol.


If... for one... cannot wait.

Perhaps we can get her & Mrs. ReG going at the same time.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> kaboom.....


Sometimes they implode instead of explode.


----------



## Ms. GP

Mavash. said:


> Here's what's scary.
> 
> She probably thinks she did.
> 
> My crazy sister is like that.
> 
> 
> 
> If she thought about telling me she did. Lol


My mother is like that too. She told me of my grandmother's death six months after the fact and swore up and down she told me.

"Um. No. I think I would remember that one." Crazy!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

RG, do you remember having conversations with MrsRG about "x". Just talking back and forth about "x" and then all of a sudden you realize she's not making sense? Like she's in a completely different conversation about "y"?

That's what mine did all the time. I would have to stop her and say "wait, what are we talking about". Then she would get all frustrated because I wasn't paying attention to her. 

Poor communicators are very hard to live with.


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> Hey, Group, I've gotten the Evil Sperm speech too.
> 
> I said, I don't recall you complaining at the time.


I'm neither looking forward to it nor scared of it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hopefully you have plans on this gorgeous Saturday, instead of mulling this over and over in your head.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Poor communicators are very hard to live with.


They are hard to be friends with too I'm finding out. Lol

I can work with it as long as I stay aware and keep contact minimal but I can't imagine having to deal with this every day.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> RG, do you remember having conversations with MrsRG about "x". Just talking back and forth about "x" and then all of a sudden you realize she's not making sense? Like she's in a completely different conversation about "y"?
> 
> That's what mine did all the time. I would have to stop her and say "wait, what are we talking about". Then she would get all frustrated because I wasn't paying attention to her.
> 
> Poor communicators are very hard to live with.


All the time!

Then she would claim I had processing issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> All the time!
> 
> Then she would claim I had processing issues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course you do, Oh Evil Sperm Donor.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm not going to lie though... The insults do seep through a bit.

She knows how to land some punches.

And she's tied to me forever. Lord in heaven.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I'm not going to lie though... The insults do seep through a bit.
> 
> She knows how to land some punches.
> 
> And she's tied to me forever. Lord in heaven.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think I can help minimize the insults.

But first you desperately need that D or something legal in writing.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I'm not going to lie though... The insults do seep through a bit.
> 
> She knows how to land some punches.
> 
> And she's tied to me forever. Lord in heaven.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's still thinking about your sperm.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm not going to lie though... The insults do seep through a bit.
> 
> She knows how to land some punches.
> 
> And she's tied to me forever. Lord in heaven.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is exceptionally mean-spirited.


----------



## Chuck71

***Mrs. RG: No you are not! You didnt even fight for me or our relationship. You treated me like a second class citizen. Never making me feel good. You killed my self esteem you made me feel worthless. Just like every time we interact.****

Sooooooooooo familiar


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> ***Mrs. RG: No you are not! You didnt even fight for me or our relationship. You treated me like a second class citizen. Never making me feel good. You killed my self esteem you made me feel worthless. Just like every time we interact.****
> 
> Sooooooooooo familiar


(Never mind she invited posOM to defile their marriage bed. Nothing to see here, move along)


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> She is exceptionally mean-spirited.


This is the unattached version of her.

I have been called worse, believe me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> This is the unattached version of her.
> 
> I have been called worse, believe me.


I believe the second part.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,
Your semen is so hot it goes through condoms like the molten copper of an IED.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

This episode is second only to the FAN episode. She truly has a colorful imagination.


----------



## ReGroup

Fixed it.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I think I can help minimize the insults.
> 
> But first you desperately need that D or something legal in writing.


I'm striving for this.

I signed the settlement on June 18th.

Now if my lawyer only knew her new address.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

My husband is a cop and he took a class on statement analysis. He said it's the same thing I do here. I seek out key words to find 'truth'.

Anyway I told him this story and before I finished he said "she switched schools". LOL

Again we could be wrong.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> My husband is a cop and he took a class on statement analysis. He said it's the same thing I do here. I seek out key words to find 'truth'.
> 
> Anyway I told him this story and before I finished he said "she switched schools". LOL
> 
> Again we could be wrong.


I don't know how you do it - I never would have guessed.

It takes a special breed of person to do that. And she might be it.

If that's the case, I will keep sending payments of over there till she confesses.

Woman must loathe me to no end.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

I think a judge should see her act like this in court heck you'll look like the only sane one there.


----------



## tom67

What if there is some sort of emergency and you don't know where they live? Oh you bastage you didn't fight for her.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I'm striving for this.
> 
> I signed the settlement on June 18th.
> 
> Now if my lawyer only knew her new address.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with Mav. You desperately need a court order, which will serve as the "daddy" in your situation. Your days of hoping for normal, effective communication and co-parenting are over. You don't have the luxury of that with a disordered person.

Group, the only effective communication you will ever have with this type of creature is the type where you can say "the court says this..." and "the court says that..." 

If you had a court order, all of this drama would be minimal.

This woman is a child, emotionally. And now she has a big brother PosOM backing her up, so she's going to get ballsy. She's going to start effing with you (the move, changing schools). What's next?

Is there a reason you don't have her address? Seriously?


----------



## tom67

I guess you are going to have to get a pi to find out her new address to serve her.


----------



## GutPunch

Did you get your D today?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I don't know how you do it - I never would have guessed.
> 
> It takes a special breed of person to do that. And she might be it.
> 
> If that's the case, I will keep sending payments of over there till she confesses.
> 
> Woman must loathe me to no end.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have to plan "worst case scenario" with her from now on. 

Want an address? Tell her you have a check to bring her.


----------



## LongWalk

RG, 

How can she still be thinking about your vile seed? It's as if she is longing to bang you again. If POSOM ever read these two classic Mrs RG emails, I suspect he would suffer nightmares and mind movies.

I mean how could a guy get it up if he knew he had erase the presence of RG's voodoo sperm?

Send him a copy of evil sperm email and their relationship will crumble faster.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> If that's the case, I will keep sending payments of over there till she confesses.


RG she believes she told you already.

Hence the rage.

My sincere advice would be to not send any more money to that school until you verify that D4 is still attending.

And by verify I mean call the school not her. LOL


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mrs. RG behaves like a spoiled 4 year old brat.

This 4 year old girl can't stand RG. He's mean to her. He's a bully. He's evil. She can't and won't ever trust him.

How do you negotiate with a 4 year old that thinks you are the boogie monster?

You can't, until you get her to trust you.

How does one win the trust of a 4 year old?

By being nice. By giving her candy. Manipulate.

You have to outwit the disorder, RG. 

at least until you get the D settlement you want


----------



## vi_bride04

If you can find out her new address please PM me with how if it's through legal means...I have to track down my ex who disappeared and won't tell me where he moved to.


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> You have to *outwit* the disorder, RG.


QFT


----------



## Mavash.

She says "she can't get it back" the money I mean.

I can only think of two reasons she'd say that.

1) she's moved schools
2) it's a duplicate payment 

By duplicate I mean you paid ahead and she needs that cash NOW.


----------



## LongWalk

Why are her personal finances such a mess?


----------



## GutPunch

LongWalk said:


> Why are her personal finances such a mess?


Cause ReGroup is a cheap a$$ deadbeat Dad!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

Personally, don't know how I will react when X brings an OM into DS' life. Only thinking about it gets me enraged. 

RG, 

It will end at some point. All things come to an end. 

Isn't there a law that says you have a right to know where your child lives?


----------



## tom67

Lifescript said:


> Personally, don't know how I will react when X brings an OM into DS' life. Only thinking about it gets me enraged.
> 
> RG,
> 
> It will end at some point. All things come to an end.
> 
> Isn't there a law that says you have a right to know where your child lives?


I would get the lawyer on this.


----------



## Ms. GP

GutPunch said:


> Cause ReGroup is a cheap a$$ deadbeat Dad!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey!! That's what I said!! 

Who's the show stealer now!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> I guess you are going to have to get a pi to find out her new address to serve her.


Just say you will mail her some $$$$

after obtaining address....send her $1


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> I might have played myself this time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you picking up D4 up tomorrow or your mother?
> 
> You need to be here at 830 sharp.
> 
> RG: I'll be there at the regularly scheduled pick up time 9.
> 
> Mrs. RG: RG, I won't be able to bring her at 9.
> 
> You can be cool and pick her up at 830 given that you made me wait last week.
> 
> So if you are able to compromise and pick her up at 830, because I won't be able to drop her off at 9.
> 
> If not, I'll take her with me. Your call.
> 
> RG: I am not ok with you giving orders.
> 
> 9 is the agreed pick up time.
> 
> Anything else... You request.
> 
> Take her with you.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I'm not giving orders psycho. Something came up time sensative. I was asking if you could pick up your daughter 30.minutes earlier. Not a problem.
> 
> 9 is the agreed time and you made me wait some last week.
> 
> I don't mind having her this weekend
> 
> Dont bother responding.
> --------------------------------------------------
> FML
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


keep in mind.....she does not seem to want D4

she usually drops her off with your mother if you are busy

and scheduled time can not be met


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: When are you depositing the money into the account?
> 
> RG: Money went towards tuition. 400USD - July through May.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You are not to pay that. The money is to into the account from now on. I am not ok having your evil sperm inside of me.
> 
> I'm not ok with who you are.
> 
> I don't respect you and I don't like you.
> 
> I'm not ok with you in my and my daughters life. I'm not ok with your azzhole self.
> 
> RG: I am sorry you feel that way M.
> 
> Mrs. RG: No you are not! You didnt even fight for me or our relationship. You treated me like a second class citizen. Never making me feel good. You killed my self esteem you made me feel worthless. Just like every time we interact.
> 
> RG: I think we are talking past each other.
> 
> We can settle on a better going forward.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I am talking past you because you can't deal with the truth. Don't bother responding I am sick to my stomach because of you.
> 
> - I need a beer.
> 
> That's not tuition, that's the registration fee.
> 
> You paid 400? What does that mean for the following deposit?
> 
> Their is no f*cking communication here!
> 
> I paid that you idiot.
> 
> You don't pay any of the other bills and this is to be included. The money is to go to the account and delegated by me.
> 
> Since you don't have a mature bone in your body to discuss things that involve D4.
> 
> RG: Subtract xxx from xxx and that's the next deposit.
> 
> I'll pay the tuition.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You are not paying tuition.
> 
> You are a piece of sh*t horrible father. You really are... You f*ck. You are to put the the money in the account.
> 
> I already paid that money and we won't get it back you f*ck. What is your problem azzhole!!!
> 
> You think you are doing something good by "paying the tuition"? A school you said to take D4 out of?
> 
> Anyone can be a father not everyone can be a dad. You sure as Hell aren't one!
> 
> RG: I going to pay the tuition each month on the 20th.
> 
> I'm not ok with insults.
> 
> Mrs. RG: No you are not f*ck you and what you are not ok with. I am not ok knowing you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Worth a reread or two. You would think she'd be in a hurry to get the divorce done.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG she believes she told you already.
> 
> Hence the rage.
> 
> My sincere advice would be to not send any more money to that school until you verify that D4 is still attending.
> 
> And by verify I mean call the school not her. LOL


I'll call the school this weekend.

I have an online account with them and it said that the first installment was due 7/20 so I paid it.

I am neurotic when it comes to bills and when they are paid. I would hate to leave her in charge of that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> Mrs. RG behaves like a spoiled 4 year old brat.
> 
> This 4 year old girl can't stand RG. He's mean to her. He's a bully. He's evil. She can't and won't ever trust him.
> 
> How do you negotiate with a 4 year old that thinks you are the boogie monster?
> 
> You can't, until you get her to trust you.
> 
> How does one win the trust of a 4 year old?
> 
> By being nice. By giving her candy. Manipulate.
> 
> You have to outwit the disorder, RG.
> 
> at least until you get the D settlement you want


Damn...

This would be difficult.

A user such as her.

It would have to be delicate balance of being nice with firm boundaries.

3x how do manage with your ex? Similar to my situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> RG,
> 
> How can she still be thinking about your vile seed? It's as if she is longing to bang you again. If POSOM ever read these two classic Mrs RG emails, I suspect he would suffer nightmares and mind movies.
> 
> I mean how could a guy get it up if he knew he had erase the presence of RG's voodoo sperm?
> 
> Send him a copy of evil sperm email and their relationship will crumble faster.


I would be upset if I ever saw something like that from someone I was seeing.

I don't know why she keeps bringing up fighting for her when she's got a boyfriend.

Like Mavi says, she knows how this will turn out and it won't be pretty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Voo doo sperm. Wow. Just threw my Greek style yogurt in the trash uneaten.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

Your eventual EW2B is just in touch with nature. Sperm is supposed to compete. Read this.

I do not recommend you horsing around with Mrs RG, but I'll bet you could have sex with her in POSOP's (other primate's) bed and she might have sex with him in the evening to see if POS sperm can out race Voodoo sperm.

All you'd have to do is say you have a check for 500 bucks and wanted to see where D now lives.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I would be upset if I ever saw something like that from someone I was seeing.
> 
> I don't know why she keeps bringing up fighting for her when she's got a boyfriend.
> 
> Like Mavi says, she knows how this will turn out and it won't be pretty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Group,

You sound like you're shook up.

This getting to you?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Damn...
> 
> This would be difficult.
> 
> A user such as her.
> 
> It would have to be delicate balance of being nice with firm boundaries.
> 
> *3x how do manage with your ex? Similar to my situation.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's still a work in process

But, aside from the little drama involving her pawning her engagement ring last week (so she could hire a plumber!), there has been very little contact.

My goal is as little contact as possible. In order to do that, you need a visitation schedule that is set in stone. Predictable. Routine. And you both need to be on the same page regarding who pays for what (fees for sports, soccer cleats, etc.). All of this needs to be in writing so that it doesn't give her an opening for drama.

And here's the deal. If pick-up/drop-off time is at 6:00. Be there. On time. Every time. Plan your life around drop-off and pick-ups.

If you demonstrate a pattern of predictability and dependability, you will earn a certain level of trust with her.

Here's the deal. We know how the little pea brains in these gals work. I'm not saying they are stupid or unintelligent. On the contrary, my ex is smart, charming, and does very well in social circles. One of the guys she is dating now is the county prosecutor! I, myself, am well-known in my own community. Your ex is similar. She functions perfectly fine to the casual eye. It's the intimate relationships that they suck at.

Anyways, back on track. Their emotional development is stunted, and they think like children. Everything is black/white. So you have to treat them like a child in all your dealings.

Group, right now your ex has split you black. You are the boogie man. Is it permanent? Maybe, but I doubt it. How do you get things back to "civil"? I manipulated my way back to white Gave her candy.

At pick-ups, I will smile and compliment her looks or hair. Or compliment how nice the freshly cut grass looks. These girls need validation (it doesn't have to be genuine). If you compliment them, you can't possibly be that crummy of a guy, right? Not in her mind. When I have my kids, and we are out and about doing fun things, I'll snap a quick photo of them and send it to her with a tag "The kids say Hi! They miss you!" She eats that stuff up, because she thinks that I'm thinking of her. I _am_ thinking of her, but not for the reasons she believes

All (well, most) of my texts are polite. The 4 truths. Your word is impeccable. 

Understand that any sort of criticism or perceived nastiness on your part can put you right back in the black. It's happened to me, and when it does happen you have to gradually sweet-talk your way back to white.

The ultimate goal here is this: limited contact with civil co-parenting. When contact is needed, it is civil. When you run into each other in public, it is civil. You want her telling PosOM "You know, Group is a good guy. Things didn't work out between us, but he's being a great Dad." 

At this point in time, you simply need your D done, with everything in writing. I differed with you, in that I didn't wait for her to do it. For the life of me, i don't understand what's taking you so long. You, Script, Carlton, Synthetic. You guys are gluttons for punishment LOL.

Anyways, I negotiated a fair D with my ex by figuring out what she wanted the most. In her case, she wanted our marital home and she wanted to be the residential parent. I appeased her on those issues in order to obtain an agreement that was actually in my favor. She'll figure that out eventually

But here's the key. She signed when she had PosOM all hot and heavy for her. Just like your ex has now. Strike now! The time is perfect for negotiating.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I would be upset if I ever saw something like that from someone I was seeing.
> 
> I don't know why she keeps bringing up fighting for her when she's got a boyfriend.
> 
> Like Mavi says, she knows how this will turn out and it won't be pretty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't read so much into the vitriol she spews.

She's just angry because she thinks you are being mean to her.

Think of a 4 year old that screams "I hate you" in the grocery aisle because you won't buy her a lollipop.

It's a tantrum.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Group,
> 
> You sound like you're shook up.
> 
> This getting to you?


Not at all Chip.

I am doing good considering. 

Rolling with the punches as they say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> It's still a work in process
> 
> But, aside from the little drama involving her pawning her engagement ring last week (so she could hire a plumber!), there has been very little contact.
> 
> My goal is as little contact as possible. In order to do that, you need a visitation schedule that is set in stone. Predictable. Routine. And you both need to be on the same page regarding who pays for what (fees for sports, soccer cleats, etc.). All of this needs to be in writing so that it doesn't give her an opening for drama.
> 
> And here's the deal. If pick-up/drop-off time is at 6:00. Be there. On time. Every time. Plan your life around drop-off and pick-ups.
> 
> If you demonstrate a pattern of predictability and dependability, you will earn a certain level of trust with her.
> 
> Here's the deal. We know how the little pea brains in these gals work. I'm not saying they are stupid or unintelligent. On the contrary, my ex is smart, charming, and does very well in social circles. One of the guys she is dating now is the county prosecutor! I, myself, am well-known in my own community. Your ex is similar. She functions perfectly fine to the casual eye. It's the intimate relationships that they suck at.
> 
> Anyways, back on track. Their emotional development is stunted, and they think like children. Everything is black/white. So you have to treat them like a child in all your dealings.
> 
> Group, right now your ex has split you black. You are the boogie man. Is it permanent? Maybe, but I doubt it. How do you get things back to "civil"? I manipulated my way back to white Gave her candy.
> 
> At pick-ups, I will smile and compliment her looks or hair. Or compliment how nice the freshly cut grass looks. These girls need validation (it doesn't have to be genuine). If you compliment them, you can't possibly be that crummy of a guy, right? Not in her mind. When I have my kids, and we are out and about doing fun things, I'll snap a quick photo of them and send it to her with a tag "The kids say Hi! They miss you!" She eats that stuff up, because she thinks that I'm thinking of her. I _am_ thinking of her, but not for the reasons she believes
> 
> All (well, most) of my texts are polite. The 4 truths. Your word is impeccable.
> 
> Understand that any sort of criticism or perceived nastiness on your part can put you right back in the black. It's happened to me, and when it does happen you have to gradually sweet-talk your way back to white.
> 
> The ultimate goal here is this: limited contact with civil co-parenting. When contact is needed, it is civil. When you run into each other in public, it is civil. You want her telling PosOM "You know, Group is a good guy. Things didn't work out between us, but he's being a great Dad."
> 
> At this point in time, you simply need your D done, with everything in writing. I differed with you, in that I didn't wait for her to do it. For the life of me, i don't understand what's taking you so long. You, Script, Carlton, Synthetic. You guys are gluttons for punishment LOL.
> 
> Anyways, I negotiated a fair D with my ex by figuring out what she wanted the most. In her case, she wanted our marital home and she wanted to be the residential parent. I appeased her on those issues in order to obtain an agreement that was actually in my favor. She'll figure that out eventually
> 
> But here's the key. She signed when she had PosOM all hot and heavy for her. Just like your ex has now. Strike now! The time is perfect for negotiating.


This a great post.

I see what you guys and gals have been telling me this weekend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BURNT KEP

ThreeStrikes said:


> It's still a work in process
> 
> But, aside from the little drama involving her pawning her engagement ring last week (so she could hire a plumber!), there has been very little contact.
> 
> My goal is as little contact as possible. In order to do that, you need a visitation schedule that is set in stone. Predictable. Routine. And you both need to be on the same page regarding who pays for what (fees for sports, soccer cleats, etc.). All of this needs to be in writing so that it doesn't give her an opening for drama.
> 
> And here's the deal. If pick-up/drop-off time is at 6:00. Be there. On time. Every time. Plan your life around drop-off and pick-ups.
> 
> If you demonstrate a pattern of predictability and dependability, you will earn a certain level of trust with her.
> 
> Here's the deal. We know how the little pea brains in these gals work. I'm not saying they are stupid or unintelligent. On the contrary, my ex is smart, charming, and does very well in social circles. One of the guys she is dating now is the county prosecutor! I, myself, am well-known in my own community. Your ex is similar. She functions perfectly fine to the casual eye. It's the intimate relationships that they suck at.
> 
> Anyways, back on track. Their emotional development is stunted, and they think like children. Everything is black/white. So you have to treat them like a child in all your dealings.
> 
> Group, right now your ex has split you black. You are the boogie man. Is it permanent? Maybe, but I doubt it. How do you get things back to "civil"? I manipulated my way back to white Gave her candy.
> 
> At pick-ups, I will smile and compliment her looks or hair. Or compliment how nice the freshly cut grass looks. These girls need validation (it doesn't have to be genuine). If you compliment them, you can't possibly be that crummy of a guy, right? Not in her mind. When I have my kids, and we are out and about doing fun things, I'll snap a quick photo of them and send it to her with a tag "The kids say Hi! They miss you!" She eats that stuff up, because she thinks that I'm thinking of her. I _am_ thinking of her, but not for the reasons she believes
> 
> All (well, most) of my texts are polite. The 4 truths. Your word is impeccable.
> 
> Understand that any sort of criticism or perceived nastiness on your part can put you right back in the black. It's happened to me, and when it does happen you have to gradually sweet-talk your way back to white.
> 
> The ultimate goal here is this: limited contact with civil co-parenting. When contact is needed, it is civil. When you run into each other in public, it is civil. You want her telling PosOM "You know, Group is a good guy. Things didn't work out between us, but he's being a great Dad."
> 
> At this point in time, you simply need your D done, with everything in writing. I differed with you, in that I didn't wait for her to do it. For the life of me, i don't understand what's taking you so long. You, Script, Carlton, Synthetic. You guys are gluttons for punishment LOL.
> 
> Anyways, I negotiated a fair D with my ex by figuring out what she wanted the most. In her case, she wanted our marital home and she wanted to be the residential parent. I appeased her on those issues in order to obtain an agreement that was actually in my favor. She'll figure that out eventually
> 
> But here's the key. She signed when she had PosOM all hot and heavy for her. Just like your ex has now. Strike now! The time is perfect for negotiating.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## LongWalk

3Strikes,
Your observations have a rational explanation. This is all a biological sfruggle. Your wife wants the home because it is her nest. You are a man and instinctually reason that you can get a new lair to share with a new mate.

Mrs RG wants a competition between two males to affirm her ses appeal. If RG actually went to POSOM's house to have sex wirh her his wife would get a huge charge out of it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> 3Strikes,
> Your observations have a rational explanation. This is all a biological sfruggle. Your wife wants the home because it is her nest. You are a man and instinctually reason that you can get a new lair to share with a new mate.
> 
> Mrs RG wants a competition between two males to affirm her ses appeal. If RG actually went to POSOM's house to have sex wirh her his wife would get a huge charge out of it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She has been telling everyone she knows that ReGroup "didn't fight for her"

This has been a consistent line for the good part of a year.


----------



## Mavash.

She wants to be chased yes but it's being fought over that gets her going not the getting caught part. That's boring and she craves excitement and drama.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> She wants to be chased yes but it's being fought over that gets her going not the getting caught part. That's boring and she craves excitement and drama.


In her "mind", the idea of taking up with posOM would create a dynamic of the guys "fighting over her"

Ah, just like Bull Durham


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> She has been telling everyone she knows that ReGroup "didn't fight for her"
> 
> This has been a consistent line for the good part of a year.


Yeah well don't give her the satisfaction
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> She has been telling everyone she knows that ReGroup "didn't fight for her"
> 
> This has been a consistent line for the good part of a year.


IMO, she says this just to blame-shift, and self-rationalize.

I honestly don't think she wants RG back. Just his *role*.

My ex needs two PosOMs to fulfill my old role, which gives me some smug satisfaction 

But it really doesn't matter. RG isn't tolerating that kind of woman as a partner. He is "ReGrouping" and wants to move on.

RG would do himself a big favor by taking the bull by the horns, getting the D done himself, and getting back to living his life.

The time for thinking you can teach her a lesson by making* her* file for D is over.

Just my two cents.


----------



## ReGroup

That's too bad because I am not the chasing type. I lick my wounds and carry on.

Chip says she'll stop in ten years. Lol.

She thinks I found someone better for myself and it eats her up. She'd like to think she was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

She played herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

There's been too much focus on Mrs. RG, and not enough focus on RG.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> That's too bad because I am not the chasing type. I lick my wounds and carry on.


This is a good thing. 

Enlightened people do not cling or chase.

Her wanting to you to chase is like what 3strikes said another form of blame shifting.

It absolves her of all responsibility.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> This is a good thing.
> 
> Enlightened people do not cling or chase.
> 
> Her wanting to you to chase is like what 3strikes said* another form of blame shifting.
> 
> It absolves her of all responsibility.*


Exactamundo.

It's just her giving herself a pass for her sh!tty actions.

You can't take what she says literally.

And RG, just to remove all doubt:

She doesn't want you back. She doesn't want you to chase her.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Exactamundo.
> 
> It's just her giving herself a pass for her sh!tty actions.
> 
> You can't take what she says literally.
> 
> And RG, just to remove all doubt:
> 
> She doesn't want you back. She doesn't want you to chase her.


1 out of 2 ain't bad.


----------



## Mavash.

My crazy sister has a relationship life expectancy of 7 years. Like clockwork when she hits that mark she moves on to someone new.

She's been married twice and is about to marry #3.

These things are pretty predictable.

Runs in my family.

The pretty ones go through 3-4 husbands in their lifetime.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash, do you believe marriage is viable institution, given that civilized behavior (fidelity) lacks enforcement? Should I teach my daughters to expect romantic love to transition into a lifetime relationship?

The statistical evidence says no.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> Mavash, do you believe marriage is viable institution, given that civilized behavior (fidelity) lacks enforcement? Should I teach my daughters to expect romantic love to transition into a lifetime relationship?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've been married almost 22 years so I do believe it's a viable institution if you're smart about it. Think of it as picking a career of funding your retirement. Forget this "you're in love" crap. Love isn't enough. Not.Even.Close.

The issue isn't with the institution of marriage it's the rush to marry and have kids before people are fully mature enough to handle it and make wise decisions about a partner. For example you won't know if someone is crazy at 21 but odds are you'll see it at 28-30.

And once you're in that pit with a kid or two now you NEED someone because you can't do it alone so you marry AGAIN. Or you get sucked in by someone who needs YOU. 

Lather, rinse, repeat....

Disclaimer there are some wonderful people who get it right the 2nd time but considering the divorce rate for 2nd marriage is 67% many don't.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Disclaimer there are some wonderful people who get it right the 2nd time but considering the divorce rate for 2nd marriage is 67% many don't.


The pathologies associated with personalities are so much stronger when children are involved.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> I've been married almost 22 years so I do believe it's a viable institution if you're smart about it. Think of it as picking a career of funding your retirement. Forget this "you're in love" crap. Love isn't enough. Not.Even.Close.
> 
> The issue isn't with the institution of marriage it's the rush to marry and have kids before people are fully mature enough to handle it and make wise decisions about a partner. For example you won't know if someone is crazy at 21 but odds are you'll see it at 28-30.
> 
> And once you're in that pit with a kid or two now you NEED someone because you can't do it alone so you marry AGAIN. Or you get sucked in by someone who needs YOU.
> 
> Lather, rinse, repeat....
> 
> Disclaimer there are some wonderful people who get it right the 2nd time but considering the divorce rate for 2nd marriage is 67% many don't.


Couldn't agree more, well said.

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend and after expressing my view she said I was correct "like usual" and "perfect". I told her she should consider looking into her definition of perfect and then drop it from her vocabulary.

Further into the conversation she said she likes the pedestal she has me on, I flat out said that's a key reason why relationships fail. Now, she was half joking (I'll assume) but I dislike the thought enough to voice my opinion on it.

Continuing on in the conversation she brought up the "honeymoon" phase as a time to get lost in each other and have fun. Once again, I disagreed and told her the "honeymoon" phase is nothing more than an excuse to not hold yourself accountable. That's when people get pregnant, go into massive debt together or use the phrase "maybe it will get better when we get married".

Of course a couple can get lost in each other during a night of passion, but that's no excuse to throw away ones morals or principles simply because you found someone that holds one thing you're "looking for" in a partner.

Love alone isn't enough and (to me) love is simply the top step of a feeling towards someone. It takes a lot to get there (or at least it should) and it cannot be used as a "reserve tank" to excuse a person's poor behaviour. It must be maintained over time, nurtured and both spouses need be aware of it.

Which is why finding someone with similar morals, values and principles is so important. Rushing out of "need" isn't love, it's fear.

Long term marriage can work.


----------



## happyman64

Mavash. said:


> I've been married almost 22 years so I do believe it's a viable institution if you're smart about it. Think of it as picking a career of funding your retirement. Forget this "you're in love" crap. Love isn't enough. Not.Even.Close.
> 
> The issue isn't with the institution of marriage it's the rush to marry and have kids before people are fully mature enough to handle it and make wise decisions about a partner. For example you won't know if someone is crazy at 21 but odds are you'll see it at 28-30.
> 
> And once you're in that pit with a kid or two now you NEED someone because you can't do it alone so you marry AGAIN. Or you get sucked in by someone who needs YOU.
> 
> Lather, rinse, repeat....
> 
> Disclaimer there are some wonderful people who get it right the 2nd time but considering the divorce rate for 2nd marriage is 67% many don't.


Mavash

It is more basic than that.

It is being young, dumb and thinking that if you marry that person they will make you happy.

But marriage does not make an unhappy person happy.

Look how many young couples get hitched only to have one of them have regrets about not playing the field more before they got married.

Like that would have made them happier?

It all comes down to what that person values in their life and how well they know themselves.

HM


----------



## happyman64

RG

I am off his week.

If you need those beers just PM me.

Do not let her nastiness get to you.

She has lost. And is starting to realize it.

HM


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> It all comes own to what that person values in their life and how well they know themselves.


And, of those two conditions, #1 is MUCH easier to figure out than #2


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> And, of those two conditions, #1 is MUCH easier to figure out than #2


So true Conrad. So true.


----------



## Lifescript

I agree with what Mav says. I once thought love was enough and had a movie like I perspective on the whole thing. 

Now I understand is more about compatibility, vulnerability, wanting to be better and not selfish. 

I think the love that blossoms over years of good times, being there for each other, etc is way better than the initial rush, that crazy love feeling, some say love at first sight. 

It's all BS. 

It always fades. And that's when morals become super important.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Lifescript said:


> I agree with what Mav says. I once thought love was enough and had a movie like I perspective on the whole thing.
> 
> Now I understand is more about compatibility, vulnerability, wanting to be better and not selfish.
> 
> I think the love that blossoms over years of good times, being there for each other, etc is way better than the initial rush, that crazy love feeling, some say love at first sight.
> 
> It's all BS.
> 
> It always fades. And that's when morals become super important.


Not selfish? Everyone should be to a degree selfish don't you think? How else would one reinforce boundaries?


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



06Daddio08 said:


> Not selfish? Everyone should be to a degree selfish don't you think? How else would one reinforce boundaries?


Right. There needs to be a balance.


----------



## Mavash.

happyman64 said:


> Mavash
> 
> It is more basic than that.
> 
> It is being young, dumb and thinking that if you marry that person they will make you happy.
> 
> But marriage does not make an unhappy person happy.
> 
> Look how many young couples get hitched only to have one of them have regrets about not playing the field more before they got married.
> 
> Like that would have made them happier?
> 
> It all comes down to what that person values in their life and how well they know themselves.
> 
> HM


Young and dumb means being idealistic.

White picket fence, the dress, nice house, the 2.3 kids, and the woman thinks she's guaranteed a lifetime of bliss.

Red hot sex, woman looking at you with hero worship, enough money for beer and the man thinks he's guaranteed a lifetime of bliss.

Wise, mature people know the truth.

I knew the truth which is why I did NOT want to get married.

I watched time and time again how this fairy tale turned out and I wanted no part of it.

So I did play the field, had a blast and married because I wanted to not because I thought he could make me happy. I was already happy.

THIS is why my marriage made it.

Yeah yeah I had issues every marriage has issues but I was smart on the front end and came out even wiser on the back end.


----------



## LongWalk

> Continuing on in the conversation she brought up the "honeymoon" phase as a time to get lost in each other and have fun. Once again, I disagreed and told her the "honeymoon" phase is nothing more than an excuse to not hold yourself accountable. That's when people get pregnant, go into massive debt together or use the phrase "maybe it will get better when we get married".
> 
> Of course a couple can get lost in each other during a night of passion, but that's no excuse to throw away ones morals or principles simply because you found someone that holds one thing you're "looking for" in a partner.
> 
> Love alone isn't enough and (to me) love is simply the top step of a feeling towards someone. It takes a lot to get there (or at least it should) and it cannot be used as a "reserve tank" to excuse a person's poor behaviour. It must be maintained over time, nurtured and both spouses need be aware of it.
> 
> Which is why finding someone with similar morals, values and principles is so important. Rushing out of "need" isn't love, it's fear.
> 
> Long term marriage can work.


Daddio,

How does one identify a person who has similar morals, values and principles and then fall in love with them?

It takes time to get to know someone, is wrong to have sex with a person whom you have an incomplete understanding? After all sex will cloud anyone's judgment.

Once someone is married based on morals, values and principle, what if there is insufficient sexual attraction?


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> How does one identify a person who has similar morals, values and principles and then fall in love with them?
> 
> It takes time to get to know someone, is wrong to have sex with a person whom you have an incomplete understanding? After all sex will cloud anyone's judgment.
> 
> Once someone is married based on morals, values and principle, what if there is insufficient sexual attraction?


Be careful who you date because you never know who you will fall in love with.

Give me 2-5 dates and I can tell you someones character, morals and values.

I have no problem having sex just for fun but have no qualms walking when I feel myself getting attached AND they aren't the one for me.

I dumped my now husband after 2 weeks because I knew I was falling for him. Why? He smoked and that's a deal breaker for me.

It's important to list your 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers. Write them down, memorize it and be willing to walk AS SOON as it's not working. 

If you're looking for something long term it's best to move on the MINUTE you realize you're with the wrong person. Don't drag it out for months, years hoping for change. That never works. 

BTW my husband quit smoking and I gave him a chance and observed. He hasn't smoked in 23.5 years now.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Be careful who you date because you never know who you will fall in love with.
> 
> Give me 2-5 dates and I can tell you someones character, morals and values.
> 
> I have no problem having sex just for fun but have no qualms walking when I feel myself getting attached AND they aren't the one for me.
> 
> I dumped my now husband after 2 weeks because I knew I was falling for him. Why? He smoked and that's a deal breaker for me.
> 
> It's important to list your 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers. Write them down, memorize it and be willing to walk AS SOON as it's not working.
> 
> If you're looking for something long term it's best to move on the MINUTE you realize you're with the wrong person. Don't drag it out for months, years hoping for change. That never works.
> 
> BTW my husband quit smoking and I gave him a chance and observed. He hasn't smoked in 23.5 years now.


Lol... You two are fantastic.

That's the type of relationship I want.

I always attracted the pretty with emotional baggage. Add all the issues I have and it always turned out horrible.

I like the list idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Be careful who you date because you never know who you will fall in love with.
> 
> Give me 2-5 dates and I can tell you someones character, morals and values.
> 
> I have no problem having sex just for fun but have no qualms walking when I feel myself getting attached AND they aren't the one for me.
> 
> I dumped my now husband after 2 weeks because I knew I was falling for him. Why? He smoked and that's a deal breaker for me.
> 
> It's important to list your 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers. Write them down, memorize it and be willing to walk AS SOON as it's not working.
> 
> If you're looking for something long term it's best to move on the MINUTE you realize you're with the wrong person. Don't drag it out for months, years hoping for change. That never works.
> 
> BTW my husband quit smoking and I gave him a chance and observed. He hasn't smoked in 23.5 years now.


I have some advice for my daughters now. Thank you Mavash, 3X, HM, RG, et al.

I noticed that the guy to whom my daughter and her teammate were both attracted is a happy self confident young man. He was the team captain, i.e., alpha leader. He is stalwart in the face of adversity.

There is a desire to mate with happiness. Or at least that is one factor. Of course the when unhappy people wed happy people the result may be two unhappy persons. But it seems to me that some romantic love can at times inspire lovers to do more with their lives than they dreamed of. But perhaps this rare.

It may be that good people with morals fall out of love at some point in their marriage but hang to fall back in love again. But how does this works without any clinging or chasing? When a couple stop having sex isn't the whole marriage just a few cutting words from collapse?


----------



## Ryo

What were your 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers Mav? I'd love to see examples.


----------



## BWBill

Will we now have an Evil Sperm FAN Club?


----------



## Ceegee

BWBill said:


> Will we now have an Evil Sperm FAN Club?


Show Stealing Evil Sperm FAN Club.


----------



## Mavash.

Ryo said:


> What were your 5 must haves and 5 deal breakers Mav? I'd love to see examples.


My must haves:

Strong work ethic with decent job
Family man who wants kids, house in the burbs, etc.
More introverted than not
Gives me space to go after dreams (was after a career back then)
Actively seeks growth both personally and professionally

My deal breakers:

Smoking, drinking in excess, or illegal drugs
Excessively into sports - I will NOT be a football widow.
Excessively into hobbies.
Need attention from women/or have close female friends
You live in filth (I'm a neat freak)


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I always attracted the pretty with emotional baggage. Add all the issues I have and it always turned out horrible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're kidding.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> You're kidding.


Man, there doesn't go a day you don't make me laugh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

RG I know we joke about Mrs.RG but this is taking a toll on you. There will be a time in the near future when you have absolutely had enough I wish you nothing but the best.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

For most of human prehistory we lived in tribal groups in which Mrs RG's behavior made sense. The prehistory proto Mrs RG would have been playing two males off against each other by provoking and teasing. Their quarrel over her validated her sense of self.

When gets so emotional about a few hundred bucks isn't just a plea for a bigger haunch of meat from the hunt. If she has a job, she must actually have enough money to get by until you finalize the divorce.

Now that she has moved in with POSOM, that must mean the savings of quite bit of money.

The psycho comment was the most disturbing because it was rational. However, what percentage of her arguments are based on some civilized logic? Not so much. She is confidently attached to the primal jealousy struggle.

Your refusal to fight for her is a real blow to her primate female ego. It will be interesting to see how long she remains interested in you.


----------



## Chuck71

Mavash. said:


> I've been married almost 22 years so I do believe it's a viable institution if you're smart about it. Think of it as picking a career of funding your retirement. Forget this "you're in love" crap. Love isn't enough. Not.Even.Close.
> 
> The issue isn't with the institution of marriage it's the rush to marry and have kids before people are fully mature enough to handle it and make wise decisions about a partner. For example you won't know if someone is crazy at 21 but odds are you'll see it at 28-30.
> 
> And once you're in that pit with a kid or two now you NEED someone because you can't do it alone so you marry AGAIN. Or you get sucked in by someone who needs YOU.
> 
> Lather, rinse, repeat....
> 
> Disclaimer there are some wonderful people who get it right the 2nd time but considering the divorce rate for 2nd marriage is 67% many don't.


Total agreement! Well said!

Life is not complicated, we just make it seem as such

Outside the home sources promote D and infidelity

My grandparents met in teens, married 50 years

granted, the early 1930s were a different time


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: When are you depositing the money into the account?
> 
> RG: Money went towards tuition. 400USD - July through May.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You are not to pay that. The money is to into the account from now on. I am not ok having your evil sperm inside of me.
> 
> I'm not ok with who you are.
> 
> I don't respect you and I don't like you.
> 
> I'm not ok with you in my and my daughters life. I'm not ok with your azzhole self.
> 
> RG: I am sorry you feel that way M.
> 
> Mrs. RG: No you are not! You didnt even fight for me or our relationship. You treated me like a second class citizen. Never making me feel good. You killed my self esteem you made me feel worthless. Just like every time we interact.
> 
> RG: I think we are talking past each other.
> 
> We can settle on a better going forward.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I am talking past you because you can't deal with the truth. Don't bother responding I am sick to my stomach because of you.
> 
> - I need a beer.
> 
> That's not tuition, that's the registration fee.
> 
> You paid 400? What does that mean for the following deposit?
> 
> Their is no f*cking communication here!
> 
> I paid that you idiot.
> 
> You don't pay any of the other bills and this is to be included. The money is to go to the account and delegated by me.
> 
> Since you don't have a mature bone in your body to discuss things that involve D4.
> 
> RG: Subtract xxx from xxx and that's the next deposit.
> 
> I'll pay the tuition.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You are not paying tuition.
> 
> You are a piece of sh*t horrible father. You really are... You f*ck. You are to put the the money in the account.
> 
> I already paid that money and we won't get it back you f*ck. What is your problem azzhole!!!
> 
> You think you are doing something good by "paying the tuition"? A school you said to take D4 out of?
> 
> Anyone can be a father not everyone can be a dad. You sure as Hell aren't one!
> 
> RG: I going to pay the tuition each month on the 20th.
> 
> I'm not ok with insults.
> 
> Mrs. RG: No you are not f*ck you and what you are not ok with. I am not ok knowing you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


am i the only one getting annoyed reading this level of vitriol and abuse. I get it that she is acting like a helpless, angry, b*tch.

RG, can you ask for her to be legally evaluated as a fit parent as she has terrible anger issues. some way of scaring her to realise that you are not her doormat anymore and she can abuse you willy nilly with no consequences.

i am sure if you were so abusive towards her, you would be having supervised visits from your daughter at best or be put in jail for being intimidating and harassment


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> RG I know we joke about Mrs.RG but this is taking a toll on you. There will be a time in the near future when you have absolutely had enough I wish you nothing but the best.


Thanks Tommy.

I am getting a bit worned out from this adventure. It sucks, but I have to deal with it.

If I have to cross the finish line hobbling - then so be it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

catcalls said:


> am i the only one getting annoyed reading this level of vitriol and abuse. I get it that she is acting like a helpless, angry, b*tch.
> 
> RG, can you ask for her to be legally evaluated as a fit parent as she has terrible anger issues. some way of scaring her to realise that you are not her doormat anymore and she can abuse you willy nilly with no consequences.
> 
> i am sure if you were so abusive towards her, you would be having supervised visits from your daughter at best or be put in jail for being intimidating and harassment


No, I was never abusive. Neglectful at times yes. But I was never into cursing or insulting her.

She would ace any evaluation put infront of her.

It is annoying cc... Like 3X mentioned she has pegged me as black and I have to change my approach for my daughter's sake.

God, I don't want to be nice to that woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> RG,
> 
> For most of human prehistory we lived in tribal groups in which Mrs RG's behavior made sense. The prehistory proto Mrs RG would have been playing two males off against each other by provoking and teasing. Their quarrel over her validated her sense of self.
> 
> When gets so emotional about a few hundred bucks isn't just a plea for a bigger haunch of meat from the hunt. If she has a job, she must actually have enough money to get by until you finalize the divorce.
> 
> Now that she has moved in with POSOM, that must mean the savings of quite bit of money.
> 
> The psycho comment was the most disturbing because it was rational. However, what percentage of her arguments are based on some civilized logic? Not so much. She is confidently attached to the primal jealousy struggle.
> 
> Your refusal to fight for her is a real blow to her primate female ego. It will be interesting to see how long she remains interested in you.


We will see. This thread has another 6 months of life left, then I am off to LAD with Chucky, Z, PB, CG, HK and A12.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

I agree with Catcalls and had the same thought. What she writes to you is evidence of her unfitness. 

You can be superficially nicer to her without giving in to her manipulation.


----------



## ReGroup

Anyone who's dealt with this divorce crap...

Did you ever feel like no one was appealing to you at the time?

I have shot down every opportunity. Literally. 

I have been on dates, been hit on, have had woman inquiring about my availability... Etc...

I have no desire to get invested in anyone. Like I don't trust myself.

Is this normal?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



LongWalk said:


> You can be superficially nicer to her without giving in to her manipulation.


Fake it to make it, friendly but not friends.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Anyone who's dealt with this divorce crap...
> 
> Did you ever feel like no one was appealing to you at the time?
> 
> I have shot down every opportunity. Literally.
> 
> I have been on dates, been hit on, have had woman inquiring about my availability... Etc...
> 
> I have no desire to get invested in anyone. Like I don't trust myself.
> 
> Is this normal?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, it's completely normal. It just means you're not ready yet. Rest assured, you will be. Things will just start clicking again.

It's funny though, during that time you will say you're not ready so you're not trying. That's when it's easiest to get women attracted to you. You'll probably have more opportunities now than you will when you are ready. 

Buckle in though, cheap-azz, balding FAN's are a hot commodity. Unfortunately, there's a lot of cray out there. Always be aware.


----------



## Ceegee

06Daddio08 said:


> Fake it to make it, friendly but not friends.


I can only speak from my experience. Being pleasant was all that was necessary. I am not friendly. I treat her like a stranger on the street - a smile and a hello, maybe.

At sons birthday party this weekend, the only thing I said to her is "would you like a piece of cake?" And that was only because I was the one cutting and distributing and I had already given a piece to everyone else.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I have been on dates, been hit on, have had woman inquiring about my availability... Etc...
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Show stealer


----------



## Ceegee

Ceegee said:


> I can only speak from my experience. Being pleasant was all that was necessary. I am not friendly. I treat her like a stranger on the street - a smile and a hello, maybe.
> 
> At sons birthday party this weekend, the only thing I said to her is "would you like a piece of cake?" And that was only because I was the one cutting and distributing and I had already given a piece to everyone else.


By the way, she declined the cake. Apparently she's done enough cake-eating to last a while.


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> You can be superficially nicer to her without giving in to her manipulation.


What helps me is to think from the end.

Use your imagination to picture this working, what would it look like, what would the end result be, etc.

If you think in the present it's hard but if you think in the future you can pretend she's already responding the way you want her to.

This totally works.

I nicely, manipulated some not so nice people recently and was surprised at how easy it was.

Was so easy that it made me feel guilty.

They gave me everything I wanted and I don't even like them. :lol:

BTW it was for a greater good. I won't manipulate for personal gain.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> By the way, she declined the cake. Apparently she's done enough cake-eating to last a while.


Laughing out loud


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Ceegee said:


> I can only speak from my experience. Being pleasant was all that was necessary. I am not friendly. I treat her like a stranger on the street - a smile and a hello, maybe.
> 
> At sons birthday party this weekend, the only thing I said to her is "would you like a piece of cake?" And that was only because I was the one cutting and distributing and I had already given a piece to everyone else.


At this point in time, RG has to be a little more than just pleasant. He needs to get out of the black. He needs to go out of his way to be nice.

When he's back into the white, he can simply be civil, and maintain as much NC as possible.

RG, all you need to do now are nice, little things. Point out about specific details to her. Her looks, her new place, etc. Validate her. Baby-step your way back. Don't lay it on thick and heavy, or she'll figure out it's not genuine.

For instance, if you need to text her, start by saying "Hello Mrs.RG, I trust your day is going well. blah blah yada yada. Hope you have a pleasant day/evening ". Don't forget the smiley.

Or when you pick up D4, compliment your X on the outfit D is wearing. Compliment your X. Ask for her advice on some trivial matter involving D4 (like what brand of bug spray is best)

Be polite. Be nice. Don't be nasty or indifferent at all.

Think of it as buttering the b1tch up

You'll figure it out.


----------



## GutPunch

ThreeStrikes said:


> RG, all you need to do now are nice, little things. Point out about specific details to her. Her looks, her new place, etc. Validate her. Baby-step your way back. Don't lay it on thick and heavy, or she'll figure out it's not genuine.
> 
> For instance, if you need to text her, start by saying "Hello Mrs.RG, I trust your day is going well. blah blah yada yada. Hope you have a pleasant day/evening ". Don't forget the smiley.
> 
> Or when you pick up D4, compliment your X on the outfit D is wearing. Compliment your X. Ask for her advice on some trivial matter involving D4 (like what brand of bug spray is best)
> 
> You'll figure it out.



He may be right, but this post did make me throw up a little bit.

I would rather get the venomous texts than kiss her a$$. 

Just my 2 cents.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> He may be right, but this post did make me throw up a little bit.
> 
> I would rather get the venomous texts than kiss her a$$.
> 
> Just my 2 cents.


I've given up ass-kissing for the rest of my life.

I don't care who it is.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> At this point in time, RG has to be a little more than just pleasant. He needs to get out of the black. He needs to go out of his way to be nice.
> 
> When he's back into the white, he can simply be civil, and maintain as much NC as possible.
> 
> RG, all you need to do now are nice, little things. Point out about specific details to her. Her looks, her new place, etc. Validate her. Baby-step your way back. Don't lay it on thick and heavy, or she'll figure out it's not genuine.
> 
> For instance, if you need to text her, start by saying "Hello Mrs.RG, I trust your day is going well. blah blah yada yada. Hope you have a pleasant day/evening ". Don't forget the smiley.
> 
> Or when you pick up D4, compliment your X on the outfit D is wearing. Compliment your X. Ask for her advice on some trivial matter involving D4 (like what brand of bug spray is best)
> 
> Be polite. Be nice. Don't be nasty or indifferent at all.
> 
> Think of it as buttering the b1tch up
> 
> You'll figure it out.


Valid tactics for certain situations and certain people.

I get the whole splitting black and white thing and agree that life would be better if he were back in the white.

However, I wonder if this might backfire with Mrs RG. RG has failed many sh!t tests and lost her respect. Being too nice to her could do more damage than good.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ceegee said:


> I can only speak from my experience. Being pleasant was all that was necessary. I am not friendly. I treat her like a stranger on the street - a smile and a hello, maybe.
> 
> At sons birthday party this weekend, the only thing I said to her is "would you like a piece of cake?" And that was only because I was the one cutting and distributing and I had already given a piece to everyone else.


All that's really required when you have kids with an ex, I did the same thing at my daughter's birthday. Except it was followed by "this is the best chocolate cake I've ever had!" From her family only of course, my cake baking skills have flourished over the past couple birthdays. I hear woman love themselves some chocolate.


----------



## Mavash.

GutPunch said:


> He may be right, but this post did make me throw up a little bit.
> 
> I would rather get the venomous texts than kiss her a$$.
> 
> Just my 2 cents.


Sigh its for the greater good and while I wouldn't go as far as 3strikes did with the compliments I would still play nice nice with her.

What ya'll are forgetting is there is a 4 year old in the picture.

SHE is the greater good.

I'm not saying kiss her ass I'm saying MANIPULATE HER with a few crumbs of kindness.

It's all in how you look at it.


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> Anyone who's dealt with this divorce crap...
> 
> Did you ever feel like no one was appealing to you at the time?
> 
> I have shot down every opportunity. Literally.
> 
> I have been on dates, been hit on, have had woman inquiring about my availability... Etc...
> 
> I have no desire to get invested in anyone. Like I don't trust myself.
> 
> Is this normal?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i think you are doing pretty well considering that it is your first time. for the next time you will be a wizard:smthumbup:


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ceegee said:


> Valid tactics for certain situations and certain people.
> 
> I get the whole splitting black and white thing and agree that life would be better if he were back in the white.
> 
> However, I wonder if this might backfire with Mrs RG. RG has failed many sh!t tests and lost her respect. Being too nice to her could do more damage than good.


Being civil on his end regardless of her responses and accusations is best for his own mentality. At least in my opinion.

Even after the most vile conversations with the ex, I look back on what was said and tell myself I'm better than that. Even if she doesn't think so, I know I am.


----------



## GutPunch

Being civil but indifferent that's what I'd shoot for.

Your hair looks lovely today.....too much.

I do think ReGroup should have just said ok to the 8:30 pickup if possible. He should also agree to a set place the money goes. Either to the account or to the school. He's done a great job as far as I am concerned with that unstable mountain of hatred.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> Sigh its for the greater good and while I wouldn't go as far as 3strikes did with the compliments I would still play nice nice with her.
> 
> What ya'll are forgetting is there is a 4 year old in the picture.
> 
> SHE is the greater good.
> 
> I'm not saying kiss her ass I'm saying MANIPULATE HER with a few crumbs of kindness.
> 
> It's all in how you look at it.


Manipulate might be too strong a word. But, how many of you have potty-trained a toddler? When you deal with children, you do "what works". Bribe, reward.

RG isn't dealing with a logical, rational adult.

I'm just speaking from my experience, and what has worked for me and my own peace and sanity. I've been where RG is, and I'm pretty sure I'm at a place where he wants to be.

I think it's obvious that RG needs to go back to the drawing board. His current plan has gotten him no where. 

Mrs. RG shows him zero respect. She shows no interest in civil co-parenting.

She has moved without notifying him. She has shacked up with PosOM without notifying him. She may have switched D4's school without notifying him.

She has moved on.

The divorce paperwork is still in limbo. At this point in time, RG has got nothin'. 

If you go back a few months, today's situation hasn't improved one bit from then.

Again, all of this is from my perspective and I'm sure some will disagree with me.

And FWIW, I could care less about the entertainment factor of this thread.


----------



## Ceegee

GutPunch said:


> Being civil but indifferent that's what I'd shoot for.
> 
> Your hair looks lovely today.....too much.
> 
> I do think ReGroup should have just said ok to the 8:30 pickup if possible. He should also agree to a set place the money goes. Either to the account or to the school. *He's done a great job as far as I am concerned with that unstable mountain of hatred.*


Definitely.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Manipulate might be too strong a word. But, how many of you have potty-trained a toddler? When you deal with children, you do "what works". Bribe, reward.
> 
> RG isn't dealing with a logical, rational adult.
> 
> I'm just speaking from my experience, and what has worked for me and my own peace and sanity. I've been where RG is, and I'm pretty sure I'm at a place where he wants to be.
> 
> I think it's obvious that RG needs to go back to the drawing board. His current plan has gotten him no where.
> 
> Mrs. RG shows him zero respect. She shows no interest in civil co-parenting.
> 
> She has moved without notifying him. She has shacked up with PosOM without notifying him. She may have switched D4's school without notifying him.
> 
> *She has moved on.*
> 
> The divorce paperwork is still in limbo. At this point in time, RG has got nothin'.
> 
> If you go back a few months, today's situation hasn't improved one bit from then.
> 
> Again, all of this is from my perspective and I'm sure some will disagree with me.
> 
> And FWIW, I could care less about the entertainment factor of this thread.


:rofl:


----------



## Mavash.

Manipulate: to manage or utilize skillfully.

Can be both positive AND negative.

3 strikes you are a master manipulator with your ex and I for one am impressed.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Being civil but indifferent that's what I'd shoot for.
> 
> Your hair looks lovely today.....too much.
> 
> I do think ReGroup should have just said ok to the 8:30 pickup if possible. He should also agree to a set place the money goes. Either to the account or to the school. He's done a great job as far as I am concerned with that unstable mountain of hatred.


Did you hear he's balding?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> Manipulate: to manage or utilize skillfully.
> 
> Can be both positive AND negative.
> 
> *3 strikes you are a master manipulator with your ex and I for one am impressed*.


On the job training lol.

During our 15 year marriage, I was able to get a pretty good handle on the emotional swings and BPD traits. There are a lot of guys like me who have learned to live with it, somewhat successfully.

What I couldn't get past was the affairs, which happened over the last 6-7 years. I had no answer for those.

Sorry for the threadjack.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> What I couldn't get past was the affairs, which happened over the last 6-7 years. I had no answer for those.
> 
> Sorry for the threadjack.


It's likely once you get the "mundane" parts of life down, they simply must up the ante.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm going to ask a moderator if Gut Punch and I can switch user names.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

Your user name is legend.

Since you blew the flexibility child pick up time negotiation, maybe you could test the more sophisticated approach by writing her a short mail.

"Sorry about not being able to switch to the 8:30 pick up the other day. I had something planned. You asked nicely and I should have explained the situation. My bad. We'll get it right next time."


----------



## GutPunch

Group the thought of her head swelling up to all those compliments just makes me physically sick. Please don't give her the satisfaction. It's called consequences for being a selfish cheater. No free passes for being a nut job.

We all know that you will have to take the high road to maintain any kind of co-parenting relationship with her but you do not have to remove your balls every time you communicate with her.

I say all this without any education on the matter so take it for what it's worth. I'm just another guy who got gutpunched.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> RG,
> 
> Your user name is legend.
> 
> Since you blew the flexibility child pick up time negotiation, maybe you could test the more sophisticated approach by writing her a short mail.
> 
> "Sorry about not being able to switch to the 8:30 pick up the other day. I had something planned. You asked nicely and I should have explained the situation. My bad. We'll get it right next time."


I feel horrible about it. 

I am wearing down - didn't feel like it this weekend... but NOW, I feel like everything is going wrong.


----------



## HappyKaty

GutPunch said:


> Group the thought of her head swelling up to all those compliments just makes me physically sick. Please don't give her the satisfaction. It's called consequences for being a selfish cheater. No free passes for being a nut job.
> 
> We all know that you will have to take the high road to maintain any kind of co-parenting relationship with her but you do not have to remove your balls every time you communicate with her.
> 
> I say all this without any education on the matter so take it for what it's worth. I'm just another guy who got gutpunched.


I completely agree.

The thought of you being too nice to that woman is just nauseating.

Find civil, and just stick with it.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I feel horrible about it.
> 
> I am wearing down - didn't feel like it this weekend... but NOW, I feel like everything is going wrong.


This is black/white thinking.

"Everything" isn't going wrong.

There are few absolutes in this world.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> I feel horrible about it.
> 
> I am wearing down - didn't feel like it this weekend... but NOW, I feel like everything is going wrong.


DISLIKE

Sure you made a couple of minor tactical errors which in her mind she is using to justify her wretchedness. Keeps the heat off of POSOM. 

Get back on the horse, regroup, and stay the course.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

HappyKaty said:


> I completely agree.
> 
> The thought of you being too nice to that woman is just nauseating.
> 
> Find civil, and just stick with it.


I think he's tried being civil. For the past couple of months.

All the "I'm not ok with that's" and "Sorry you feel that way's" have gotten him no where.

Because she is disordered.

And RG shouldn't being nice because he wants to be nice. He should* feign* being 'nice' to outwit the disorder.

Am I being too complicated? I guess I'm a results-oriented fella.

Wake up call. You're wife cheated on you. You've been separated for 15 months at least. She has custody of D4. She has moved and has moved her OM in with her. She's not coming back, and she doesn't want you back. She just wants a much $ as she can get from you.

The "you didn't fight for me" doesn't mean she wants you to fight for her. It's her just rationalizing her actions in her own demented mind. In her mind she's not a bad person. In her mind, RG is the devil.

RG, stop taking things personally. Focus on what you want, and what your goals are. Take the best steps to get there. Do what you gotta do for you and D4.

You aren't kissing ass. You aren't being nice. You are being smart. You are doing what's best for you and D4 for the next 14+ years.

OK. End rant. Time to observe


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> And RG shouldn't being nice because he wants to be nice. He should* feign* being 'nice' to outwit the disorder.


Well said. 

:iagree:

Loved your whole post btw.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Manipulate might be too strong a word. But, how many of you have potty-trained a toddler? When you deal with children, you do "what works". Bribe, reward.
> 
> RG isn't dealing with a logical, rational adult.
> 
> I'm just speaking from my experience, and what has worked for me and my own peace and sanity. I've been where RG is, and I'm pretty sure I'm at a place where he wants to be.
> 
> I think it's obvious that RG needs to go back to the drawing board. His current plan has gotten him no where.
> 
> Mrs. RG shows him zero respect. She shows no interest in civil co-parenting.
> 
> She has moved without notifying him. She has shacked up with PosOM without notifying him. She may have switched D4's school without notifying him.
> 
> *She has moved on.*
> 
> The divorce paperwork is still in limbo. At this point in time, RG has got nothin'.
> 
> If you go back a few months, today's situation hasn't improved one bit from then.
> 
> Again, all of this is from my perspective and I'm sure some will disagree with me.
> 
> And FWIW, I could care less about the entertainment factor of this thread.


TS, I laughed at this earlier but I don't want you to take it the wrong way.

I'm sure she believes she has moved on and she's desperately trying to show she has moved on. I believe your advice comes from the fact that you think Mrs RG suffers from a similar affliction as your wife. IMO, you are right. 

If this is true, she will have a very hard time moving on. As long as RG is split black or white he will be a controlling factor in her life. Wouldn't you agree?


----------



## ReGroup

I think it's pretty well established that we're done.

I am not bothered by it - anymore.

I felt bad for D4. I wanted her to be raised by mom and dad in a single home - It didn't work out. This is life.

I am trying to understand this Black/White thought of mind that you guys speak of. 

3X, she can stay where she's at. If we had teleporation technology available to us to transport D4 from location to location... I'd used it - just to avoid seeing her face.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Ceegee said:


> TS, I laughed at this earlier but I don't want you to take it the wrong way.
> 
> I'm sure she believes she has moved on and she's desperately trying to show she has moved on. I believe your advice comes from the fact that you think Mrs RG suffers from a similar affliction as your wife. IMO, you are right.
> 
> If this is true, she will have a very hard time moving on. As long as RG is split black or white he will be a controlling factor in her life. Wouldn't you agree?


What evidence is there to support that she hasn't moved on?

Disordered people "move on" like it's second nature. It's easy for them to find someone to play the role they need. They just turn on the charm and sex.

RG won't be a controlling factor in Mrs. RG's life, regardless of how she has split him. The only control he will have will come via the court order.

Unfortunately, since he can't go complete NC with her, she *will *be a controlling factor in his life. It's the nature of the beast. And if he's split black, it will be a lot worse. 

I realize I'm using BPD terms here, and she may or may not be. It doesn't matter. It's her behavior that I look at.

I understand why some of the posters here disagree with my methods and ideas. I'm ok with that. RG can read, and then do what he wants.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I think it's pretty well established that we're done.
> 
> I am not bothered by it - anymore.
> 
> I felt bad for D4. I wanted her to be raised by mom and dad in a single home - It didn't work out. This is life.
> 
> I am trying to understand this Black/White thought of mind that you guys speak of.
> 
> *3X, she can stay where she's at. If we had teleporation technology available to us to transport D4 from location to location... I'd used it - just to avoid seeing her face.*


We think alike. NC would be preferable. Just send her the $, do your "child support" time, and be done with her.


----------



## GutPunch

She may be done. Who knows?

But her reaction to ReGroup's awesome cousin's text tells me differently. Thin line between love and hate.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

GutPunch said:


> She may be done. Who knows?
> 
> But her reaction to ReGroup's awesome cousin's text tells me differently. Thin line between love and hate.


Just tells me how easy she will be to manipulate. 

She thrives on validation. 

RG can use similar, less 'overt' interactions to get out of the black.


----------



## zillard

ThreeStrikes said:


> Just tells me how easy she will be to manipulate.
> 
> She thrives on validation.
> 
> RG can use similar, less 'overt' interactions to get out of the black.


The heartfelt apology I gave X during a joint session helped the co-parenting situation.

Did she see it as a win? Validation? Confirmation of her blame shifting attempts? 

It doesn't matter. I did it for me. To move on and heal. 

I haven't seen the same level of crazy, directed at me, since then. Just a few minor incidents. 

Kissing @ss is one thing. Choosing battles wisely, staying cordial, and being flexible here and there is different.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> The heartfelt apology I gave X during a joint session helped the co-parenting situation.
> 
> Did she see it as a win? Validation? Confirmation of her blame shifting attempts?
> 
> It doesn't matter. I did it for me. To move on and heal.
> 
> I haven't seen the same level of crazy, directed at me, since then. Just a few minor incidents.
> 
> Kissing @ss is one thing. Choosing battles wisely, staying cordial, and being flexible here and there is different.


Owning your own pos tendencies is the key.

If you're not willing to do this, you'll never be truly authentic.

And, people can tell the difference.

Even broken ones.


----------



## ReGroup

I always like the idea of an "apology" letter. 

Though, I wouldn't know when was the right time.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I always like the idea of an "apology" letter.
> 
> Though, I wouldn't know when was the right time.


Then you're not ready.

But, your disquiet today indicates you could be getting close.


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> I always like the idea of an "apology" letter.
> 
> Though, I wouldn't know when was the right time.


The apology is for you. 

Do it when it's right for you.


----------



## GTdad

I'd be reluctant to put your apology in writing.

No good deed goes unpunished, at least when it's documented.

If you put it in writing anyways, steer clear of mentioning specific incidents you're sorry for, unless there's no way at all for her to twist it on you.


----------



## Ceegee

I'm thinking, in Groups situation, he needs to wait until D is final.


----------



## HappyKaty

GTdad said:


> I'd be reluctant to put your apology in writing.


I tend to agree. 

A sincere apology should be personal, in my opinion.


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> I tend to agree.
> 
> A sincere apology should be personal, in my opinion.


Mine was.

One on one.

Of course, she didn't trust the fact that I wanted her to come over.

But, I told her it was important.

She was surprised.


----------



## Ceegee

HappyKaty said:


> I tend to agree.
> 
> A sincere apology should be personal, in my opinion.


Y'all remember we're talking about Mrs RG, right?


----------



## HappyKaty

Ceegee said:


> Y'all remember we're talking about Mrs RG, right?


Even better.

I apologized to BP, right to his face...sitting right beside him. The manipulation started immediately, because he thought I was vulnerable. However, it wasn't vulnerability, at all. The apology was for ME...not him.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> I always like the idea of an "apology" letter.
> 
> Though, I wouldn't know when was the right time.



I hope she writes soon, Group.


----------



## Pbartender

HappyKaty said:


> Even better.
> 
> I apologized to BP, right to his face...sitting right beside him. The manipulation started immediately, because he thought I was vulnerable. However, it wasn't vulnerability, at all. The apology was for ME...not him.


That's about how my apology went down, as well. She told me I should give up hope, let go and move on.

So, I did.


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> I always like the idea of an "apology" letter.
> 
> Though, I wouldn't know when was the right time.


Apology for what?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I always like the idea of an "apology" letter.
> 
> Though, I wouldn't know when was the right time.


I agree with Conrad you're not ready.

You'll know when it's time.

The fact that yes you felt upset over this weekend tells me you are close.

And yes it needs to be in person FOR YOU not her.


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> Apology for what?


Ah young jedi you have much to learn. 

Stick around, keep reading, learning and you'll understand what we speak of.


----------



## Tron

LongWalk said:


> Apology for what?


Well, for one thing...being a psychotic, show-stealing FAN. 

Oh, wait a minute...is that a bad thing???


----------



## angstire

ReGroup said:


> I always like the idea of an "apology" letter.
> 
> Though, I wouldn't know when was the right time.


Start writing it. Keep it as a draft and update over time, until you're ready to give it to her. If you're ever ready to give it to her. 

It will be cathartic just writing. Then hang on to it, update and decide what to do with it when you're ready to do something with it. 

You could even just print it and burn it, without giving it to her. You'll know what you need to do when you're there.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Well, for one thing...being a psychotic, show-stealing FAN.
> 
> Oh, wait a minute...is that a bad thing???


Tron,

Sheesh man....

ReGroup is a CHEAP, balding, show stealing, FAN

And, she doesn't even know what she ever saw in his FAN azz.

Try to stay with the program.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Tron,
> 
> Sheesh man....
> 
> ReGroup is a CHEAP, balding, show stealing, FAN
> 
> And, she doesn't even know what she ever saw in his FAN azz.
> 
> Try to stay with the program.


That produces evil sperm.

I'll hold off on the apology. I am close though.

I know what her impression will be.

But it's for me. A few months from now maybe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BWBill

_Apology for what? _

For marrying her.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> That produces evil sperm.
> 
> I'll hold off on the apology. I am close though.
> 
> I know what her impression will be.
> 
> But it's for me. A few months from now maybe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The evil sperm donor part slipped my mind.

Thanks for the lumber.


----------



## GutPunch

BWBill said:


> _Apology for what? _
> 
> For marrying her.


When he does apologize, Mrs. ReGroup will
just tell him "You need to get over me."

Write it and burn that MF.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Ah young jedi you have much to learn.
> 
> Stick around, keep reading, learning and you'll understand what we speak of.


I can only conceive of an apology as a way of saying "I don't care what you do with other men," but by saying that it means that you do care. So, a GP puts it, it would amount to an ego boost for her, a boost that would last years if not a lifetime.

What is hard to forgive and forget is those phone calls when RG daughter said, "I want to live with Pappi!"

Maybe POSOM made of stuff that we cannot imagine. He knows how keep Mrs RG happy... until she notices his sperm isn't innocent either.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> I can only conceive of an apology as a way of saying "I don't care what you do with other men," but by saying that it means that you do care. So, a GP puts it, it would amount to an ego boost for her, a boost that would last years if not a lifetime.
> 
> What is hard to forgive and forget is those phone calls when RG daughter said, "I want to live with Pappi!"
> 
> Maybe POSOM made of stuff that we cannot imagine. He knows how keep Mrs RG happy... until she notices his sperm isn't innocent either.


The apology wouldn't be focused on her.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> The apology wouldn't be focused on her.


Agreed.

And, whether anyone thinks it or not, it* will* have a positive effect on the shrew. She might not show it, but she will stew on it and begin to rethink her opinion of RG. It's a baby step.

I also agree it should be in person. Be super careful not to accuse her of anything, or even give her an inkling that you think she did anything wrong. Make it all about you.

I did it, about 2 weeks before our D was finalized. In person. It's cathartic, and helps you forgive yourself.


----------



## Tron

ReGroup said:


> That produces evil sperm.
> 
> I'll hold off on the apology. I am close though.
> 
> I know what her impression will be.
> 
> But it's for me. A few months from now maybe.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The list.just.keeps.getting.longer RG. 

You know, the bad thing about an apology, is that when it happens, that will likely be the end of you finding out everything that is wrong with you.

Imagine if you hadn't found out that you had evil sperm, it might have spread to your Schwanz. And then you would be in a world of hurt. As it is, a simple exorcism should nip this thing right quick and you then you can start working on your cheap azz issues.


----------



## Ceegee

Tron said:


> The list.just.keeps.getting.longer RG.
> 
> You know, the bad thing about an apology, is that when it happens, that will likely be the end of you finding out everything that is wrong with you.
> 
> Imagine if you hadn't found out that you had evil sperm, it might have spread to your Schwanz. And then you would be in a world of hurt. As it is, a simple exorcism should nip this thing right quick and you then you can start working on your cheap azz issues.


Beating ConRad to the punch. 

He'll still be a show stealing FAN.


----------



## Tron

Ceegee said:


> Beating ConRad to the punch.
> 
> He'll still be a show stealing FAN.


Yes he will. Butt those issues go rrrrreeeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyyy deep.


----------



## zillard

ThreeStrikes said:


> Agreed.
> 
> And, whether anyone thinks it or not, it* will* have a positive effect on the shrew. She might not show it, but she will stew on it and begin to rethink her opinion of RG. It's a baby step.
> 
> I also agree it should be in person. Be super careful not to accuse her of anything, or even give her an inkling that you think she did anything wrong. Make it all about you.
> 
> I did it, about 2 weeks before our D was finalized. In person. It's cathartic, and helps you forgive yourself.


I agree with all of this. Even the part about it having an effect on her. 

IF it is completely heartfelt and genuine. If not... Don't do it. 

Like I wrote in my thread - For Give Ness. 

Thank you for giving me this. She has given you an opportunity to look inward and grow. The apology is about your mistakes. That you now see. 

Absolutely no blame. 

Because it is great!

You made mistakes. You see them clearly now. And you are sorry. 

And then you are free from them and finally able to let them go and change. 

For your own happiness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> I always like the idea of an "apology" letter.
> 
> Though, I wouldn't know when was the right time.


There is little or no difference in the "apology" letter

and my "IDGAF" letter

yes it is not time for you and best to be in person

mine was not in person, being she moved away

and she could not keep her mouth shut long enough to listen

I'd like to think the words cut her to the bone

but in truth, it does not matter

I said what I wanted to say and 'that's all folks'

writing the IDGAF letter, personally, was harder for me

to accept than the day D was final


----------



## ThreeStrikes

What prompted my Apology/Forgiveness talk with ex was:

Driving in my car and Henley comes on. The Heart of the Matter.

_I got the call today that I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you'd found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you

What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again

I've been tryin' to get down
To the heart of the matter but my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Ah, these times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?

Ah, the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill I guess
Ohh, pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us
You know it doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out, I have to learn again

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But everything changes and my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby, 'cause' life goes on
If you keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me

I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak and the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me_


It was what I needed at a time when I was waxing sentimental.

I'm fairly certain that much of TAM can be summed up in assorted Don Henley lyrics.


----------



## Conrad

Henley is definitely awake.

Far too many songs with lyrics about the truth for him not to be.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Beating ConRad to the punch.
> 
> He'll still be a show stealing FAN.


We all are:


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> We all are:


I'll take an XL.


----------



## ReGroup

Such is life.

Mrs. RG: I It is possible to pick D4 up Sunday before 12pm. I have to go upstate to see my brother. Is this possible? Otherwise, I will not be back until very late Sunday night or even the next morning.

RG: Sure.

I am going to pick up D4 on Saturday at 7am - to head to Fordham, for the reading program.

(Silence)

I know everyone's case is unique, but I met this guy today at work - he is 7 years ahead in his situation compared to me.

His wife was cheating on him with her (1st) baby's father. He stepped aside and moved on.

He told me about: restraining orders, child support, harrassments, parked vehicles being destroyed, children manipulation, etc...

He said she told him: Either you get back with me or...

He said: I pray for you. It hasn't gotten better for me. She was great in the beginning of our relationship and then went buck wild. I leave her be and despises me for it. I can't ever go back to her... I detest her. I have no advise. It's ruining my current relationship. I have my kid every weekend. During the week she preps our son to hate my girlfriend. I wish you well. It doesn't get better.

He sounded traumatized. 

My attempts to shift back to "White" begin.


----------



## GutPunch

Good job ReGroup.

No reason not to be cordial with indifference.

No reason to not be accommodating when it doesn't put too much of a damper on your scheduling. 

However, I couldn't live with myself if I had to give that Witch a bunch of fake compliments so she could feel good about herself and think you still love and pine for her. FTS. She's a cheater and Mr. ReGroup is done. JMO


It makes me physically ill too imagine that smug look on her face when you tell her how nice she looks and what a great mom she is. BARF! That's posom's job.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Good job ReGroup.
> 
> No reason not to be cordial with indifference.
> 
> No reason to not be accommodating when it doesn't put too much of a damper on your scheduling.
> 
> However, I couldn't live with myself if I had to give that Witch a bunch of fake compliments so she could feel good about herself and think you still love and pine for her. FTS. She's a cheater and Mr. ReGroup is done. JMO
> 
> 
> It makes me physically ill too imagine that smug look on her face when you tell her how nice she looks and what a great mom she is. BARF! That's posom's job.


We could get her a jersey.

With the real wording, of course.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Such is life.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I It is possible to pick D4 up Sunday before 12pm. I have to go upstate to see my brother. Is this possible? Otherwise, I will not be back until very late Sunday night or even the next morning.
> 
> RG: Sure.
> 
> I am going to pick up D4 on Saturday at 7am - to head to Fordham, for the reading program.
> 
> (Silence)
> 
> I know everyone's case is unique, but I met this guy today at work - he is 7 years ahead in his situation compared to me.
> 
> His wife was cheating on him with her (1st) baby's father. He stepped aside and moved on.
> 
> He told me about: restraining orders, child support, harrassments, parked vehicles being destroyed, children manipulation, etc...
> 
> He said she told him: Either you get back with me or...
> 
> He said: I pray for you. It hasn't gotten better for me. She was great in the beginning of our relationship and then went buck wild. I leave her be and despises me for it. I can't ever go back to her... I detest her. I have no advise. It's ruining my current relationship. I have my kid every weekend. During the week she preps our son to hate my girlfriend. I wish you well. It doesn't get better.
> 
> He sounded traumatized.
> 
> My attempts to shift back to "White" begin.



I know a guy who knows a guy...just saying.


----------



## Mavash.

RG this will get SO much better when you get the D finalized.

You'll have rules.

Right now you have none.


----------



## GutPunch

Mavash. said:


> RG this will get SO much better when you get the D finalized.
> 
> You'll have rules.
> 
> Right now you have none.


This is spot on. She is using the lack of rules to make your life hell. That will change.


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

I think is not good to use examples like this and think that will happen to you. It's never that bad or that good. In a way, it would be better if posOM is a doormat/nice guy that way he can "keep her happy" and hopefully that keeps her attention from you. 

You damn show stealer ... balding on top!


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> RG,
> 
> I think is not good to use examples like this and think that will happen to you. It's never that bad or that good. In a way, it would be better if posOM is a doormat/nice guy that way he can "keep her happy" and hopefully that keeps her attention from you.
> 
> You damn show stealer ... balding on top!


Sigh... a CHEAP, balding, show stealer, with evil sperm.


----------



## vi_bride04

Conrad said:


> Sigh... a CHEAP, balding, show stealer, with evil sperm.


Who doesn't fight for her!


----------



## Mavash.

RG before you start worrying about your future remember...

The best predictor of future behavior is PAST behavior.

Everything Mrs RG has done so far you've managed very well.

I predict you will continue to do so because you GET IT.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



vi_bride04 said:


> Who doesn't fight for her!


Or kneel down to ask for forgiveness!


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> Or kneel down to ask for forgiveness!


I forgot about that one. That feels like eons ago.

She once said: You are someone who always gets what he wants. Yet, you are too stubborn to do what you need to do to get your wife back. 

Please. 

Staying The F'ing Course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Such is life.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I It is possible to pick D4 up Sunday before 12pm. I have to go upstate to see my brother. Is this possible? Otherwise, I will not be back until very late Sunday night or even the next morning.
> 
> RG: Sure.
> 
> I am going to pick up D4 on Saturday at 7am - to head to Fordham, for the reading program.
> 
> (Silence)


OK. Good job here. The prickly point will be if she starts expecting you to* always* bend to her schedule. Which, given her past behavior, will most likely happen.

Once again, this re-inforces the need for a court order.

Note to divorcees: Plan your life around pick-ups and drop-offs.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> I forgot about that one. That feels like eons ago.
> 
> She once said: You are someone who always gets what he wants. Yet, you are too stubborn to do what you need to do to get your wife back.
> 
> Please.
> 
> Staying The F'ing Course.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Amen, Brother!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Conrad said:


> We all are:



How much are they? Do you take Paypal?

Do you have one with the I'm not ok with the evil sperm quote?

Is that blue like a Mets uniform? How about pinstripes?


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> Such is life.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I It is possible to pick D4 up Sunday before 12pm. I have to go upstate to see my brother. Is this possible? Otherwise, I will not be back until very late Sunday night or even the next morning.
> 
> RG: Sure.
> 
> I am going to pick up D4 on Saturday at 7am - to head to Fordham, for the reading program.
> 
> *(Silence)*
> 
> I know everyone's case is unique, but I met this guy today at work - he is 7 years ahead in his situation compared to me.
> 
> His wife was cheating on him with her (1st) baby's father. He stepped aside and moved on.
> 
> He told me about: restraining orders, child support, harrassments, parked vehicles being destroyed, children manipulation, etc...
> 
> He said she told him: Either you get back with me or...
> 
> He said: I pray for you. It hasn't gotten better for me. She was great in the beginning of our relationship and then went buck wild. I leave her be and despises me for it. I can't ever go back to her... I detest her. I have no advise. It's ruining my current relationship. I have my kid every weekend. During the week she preps our son to hate my girlfriend. I wish you well. It doesn't get better.
> 
> He sounded traumatized.
> 
> My attempts to shift back to "White" begin.


RG, when I first read this. I thought the "silence" meant that she said nothing and then you continued by telling her about the guy at work. I thought, man has RG balls. But didn't share his story with her, haha. She's not ready for it.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Such is life.
> 
> Mrs. RG: I It is possible to pick D4 up Sunday before 12pm. I have to go upstate to see my brother. Is this possible? Otherwise, I will not be back until very late Sunday night or even the next morning.
> 
> RG: Sure.
> 
> I am going to pick up D4 on Saturday at 7am - to head to Fordham, for the reading program.
> 
> (Silence)
> 
> I know everyone's case is unique, but I met this guy today at work - he is 7 years ahead in his situation compared to me.
> 
> His wife was cheating on him with her (1st) baby's father. He stepped aside and moved on.
> 
> He told me about: restraining orders, child support, harrassments, parked vehicles being destroyed, children manipulation, etc...
> 
> He said she told him: Either you get back with me or...
> 
> He said: I pray for you. It hasn't gotten better for me. She was great in the beginning of our relationship and then went buck wild. I leave her be and despises me for it. I can't ever go back to her... I detest her. I have no advise. It's ruining my current relationship. I have my kid every weekend. During the week she preps our son to hate my girlfriend. I wish you well. It doesn't get better.
> 
> He sounded traumatized.
> 
> My attempts to shift back to "White" begin.





You can not help who you fall in love with

but you can control how they treat you

Children pick up on things quicker than we give them credit for

worst case, D4 ends up like Mrs. ReGroup

best case, D4 learns from Mrs. ReGroup

it will fall somewhere in the middle...but you will dictate where

I am not sure exactly when you decided to FIA but I have a guess

her priorities are herself, posom, D4

and the posom are top billing when she wants something

but you can not deny the fact, she is aware all she is...is a POA

but would never admit it (sound familiar doesn't it)

I have a copy of my IDGAF if you would like to see it

but keep in mind, all situations are the same at the beginning

although deviate when the end game nears

Group you are further along than you realize

but it never hurts to maintain your edge


----------



## Ceegee

RG,

I just got this email from DivorceCare. I get one everyday. This particular one is about forgiveness and since we were on the subject I thought I'd share it with you.

I don't remember your talking about any faith in particular - so take from it what you will...the message is sound.

_Forgiving someone does not mean you are letting that person off the hook. The wrongs that have been done to you and to your children need to be righted, but it is not your responsibility to bring that about. God is a just and righteous judge. He is the only one who can judge and condemn a person for an unrepentant heart. This is not your job and should not be your job.
Doug Easterday explains what your responsibility is in forgiveness: “Forgiveness is getting your heart right with God. The people who have wronged you are still responsible before God for what they’ve done. You’re not alleviating them of their responsibility. You’re simply transferring it to God where it actually belongs. If you require them to answer to you, you have just the same amount of problems they do.”
Harold Graham shares how his pastor once explained forgiveness: “When you forgive, it seems like you’re taking that person off the hook. But what you’re really doing is taking him or her off your hook and allowing God to put that person on His hook. As long as you have that person on your hook, you block God from that person and you also block God from you.”
Your job is to be right with God, and not seek vengeance or retribution, or hold on to blame. You must let go of that person’s wrongdoing so you can be right with the Lord.
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37)._


----------



## Pbartender

Ceegee said:


> RG,
> 
> I just got this email from DivorceCare. I get one everyday. This particular one is about forgiveness and since we were on the subject I thought I'd share it with you.
> 
> I don't remember your talking about any faith in particular - so take from it what you will...the message is sound.
> 
> _Forgiving someone does not mean you are letting that person off the hook. The wrongs that have been done to you and to your children need to be righted, but it is not your responsibility to bring that about. God is a just and righteous judge. He is the only one who can judge and condemn a person for an unrepentant heart. This is not your job and should not be your job.
> Doug Easterday explains what your responsibility is in forgiveness: “Forgiveness is getting your heart right with God. The people who have wronged you are still responsible before God for what they’ve done. You’re not alleviating them of their responsibility. You’re simply transferring it to God where it actually belongs. If you require them to answer to you, you have just the same amount of problems they do.”
> Harold Graham shares how his pastor once explained forgiveness: “When you forgive, it seems like you’re taking that person off the hook. But what you’re really doing is taking him or her off your hook and allowing God to put that person on His hook. As long as you have that person on your hook, you block God from that person and you also block God from you.”
> Your job is to be right with God, and not seek vengeance or retribution, or hold on to blame. You must let go of that person’s wrongdoing so you can be right with the Lord.
> “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37)._


It's interesting that wrath has always been consider one of the seven deadly sins... Dante considered it to be the "love of justice perverted to revenge and spite".

If you think along those lines, then forgiveness is the means of keeping your sense of justice pure by purging yourself of the selfish and stubborn hatred and anger that turns it into vengeance. Forgiving is what keeps you from committing the cardinal sin of wrath.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: The program requires a parental involvement component of 45 minutes 4 times a week, so I believe that it is important for me to go. If you are uncomfortable going with me then we can meet when it is over and I can be back by 231 by 10ish...

Can we meet around 10am then at Remy on Sunday?

- God, I want to attend and participate but I get a GP-Like urge to hurl at the thought of being in the same room as she. I am actually feeling sick now.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: The program requires a parental involvement component of 45 minutes 4 times a week, so I believe that it is important for me to go. If you are uncomfortable going with me then we can meet when it is over and I can be back by 231 by 10ish...
> 
> Can we meet around 10am then at Remy on Sunday?
> 
> - God, I want to attend and participate but I get a GP-Like urge to hurl at the thought of being in the same room as she. I am actually feeling sick now.


I can understand that but do not pass the time up with your daughter.

That is all that matters...


----------



## LongWalk

RG, you are going to master the situation. Remember she can use this class as proof she is a good parent and you are a non active father.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> RG, you are going to master the situation. Remember she can use this class as proof she is a good parent and you are a non active father.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Which is exactly what she's thinking.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Which is exactly what she's thinking.


And I know what you are thinking Chip.

You want me to go over there and steal the show???


----------



## Pam

I am just not grasping this apology thing, call me dense.


----------



## tom67

Steal the show RG! Just show up and ignore her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> And I know what you are thinking Chip.
> 
> You want me to go over there and steal the show???


As long as you are showing off your hair loss and the Master Combination Lock on your wallet, yes.


----------



## ReGroup

Pam said:


> I am just not grasping this apology thing, call me dense.


It's therapeutic in nature.

More about forgiving myself for the POS tendencies I displayed during the course of the relationship - which were plenty.

Forgiving myself. What she thinks about it doesn't matter one bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Pam said:


> I am just not grasping this apology thing, call me dense.


It's therapeutic in nature.

More about forgiving myself for the POS tendencies I displayed during the course of the relationship - which were plenty.

What she thinks about it doesn't matter one bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> It's therapeutic in nature.
> 
> More about forgiving myself for the POS tendencies I displayed during the course of the relationship - which were plenty.
> 
> What she thinks about it doesn't matter one bit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


God bless you - you're a bigger person than I am. I know I did stuff that led to the demise of our marriage - things that I work on every day but aside from the letter I wrote him three weeks after he left I am not apologizing for anything to his face. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. That's me though - if you feel it will help you along with your healing then I guess you should do it.


----------



## LongWalk

Conrad said:


> As long as you are showing off your hair loss and the :rofl:, yes.


RG,

I am still struggling to understand the apology concept. I am not sure either you or Mrs RG are ready for it. BW should consider it though. 

Go to the parenting classes. You need to fight for more custody. It will be terrible if your daughter is constantly drenched in this non-linear calculus of hysteria. She needs to be more than a weekend daughter to you.

In custody hearings the two infamous emails should influence a court to consider her less than fit.

I mean she wrote _notch_ instead of _nozzle_, and for that shoddy diction alone, she ought to get less than 50%.

If the classes go well, you may get closer to the forgiving step. It would be great for her be forgiven by you for her cheating ways, then she'll have to go home and face it on her own.

"RG forgave me and his eyes were not accusatory anymore. She'll have to look in mirror and wonder if she can forgive herself. Imagining her introspective and glum at her own record may not happen. It may not be in her. But RG, you cannot fix her.


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> God bless you - you're a bigger person than I am. I know I did stuff that led to the demise of our marriage - things that I work on every day but aside from the letter I wrote him three weeks after he left I am not apologizing for anything to his face. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. That's me though - if you feel it will help you along with your healing then I guess you should do it.


I think you will reach a point where you won't care what he thinks and just go for it.

I am not ready yet neither.

But we will one day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

LongWalk said:


> In custody hearings the two infamous emails should influence a court to consider her less than fit.
> 
> I mean she wrote _notch_ instead of _nozzle_, and for that shoddy diction alone, she ought to get less than 50%.


If the court doesn't consider infidelity and similar unscrupulous behavior (DUI, for example) as rationale for limiting parental visitation time, they certainly aren't going to limit it because she called him crummy names and demonstrated anger via a text message/email.

That's wishful thinking. 

Or maybe your post was intended to be sarcastic....:scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> If the court doesn't consider infidelity and similar unscrupulous behavior (DUI, for example) as rationale for limiting parental visitation time, they certainly aren't going to limit it because she called him crummy names and demonstrated anger via a text message/email.
> 
> That's wishful thinking.
> 
> Or maybe your post was intended to be sarcastic....:scratchhead:


He could take an illustration:


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> He could take an illustration:


Why not wear it with a matching cap?


----------



## LongWalk

ThreeStrikes said:


> If the court doesn't consider infidelity and similar unscrupulous behavior (DUI, for example) as rationale for limiting parental visitation time, they certainly aren't going to limit it because she called him crummy names and demonstrated anger via a text message/email.
> 
> That's wishful thinking.
> 
> Or maybe your post was intended to be sarcastic....:scratchhead:


Courts are influenced by attorneys, social workers, police, etc. If RG had written the equivalent abusive shyt in emails, a lawyer experienced in shutting down wife beaters would use it to suggest anger issues and reasons for his/her client to not feel safe, then the court might take it into consideration.

If Mrs RG has changed their D's residence and school without so much as a word to RG, that may also be presented in court. The email crazy and I'll-do-whatever-I-please attitude are not good for her to have 80% custody.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I think you will reach a point where you won't care what he thinks and just go for it.
> 
> I am not ready yet neither.
> 
> But we will one day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmmm... you really think so? I just don't think that day will come. He still to this day hasnt told me why he wasn't happy or why he left ( I mean besides the fact that he moved in with his girlfriend). 
Mine was always the type that would try to put off a serious discussion until it didn't matter anymore - I'm pretty sure hes doing that same thing here. 

I just feel that until the day he can sit down and have an intelligent conversation with me about this - I cant bring myself to apologize for anything.


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Hmmmm... you really think so? I just don't think that day will come. He still to this day hasnt told me why he wasn't happy or why he left ( I mean besides the fact that he moved in with his girlfriend).
> Mine was always the type that would try to put off a serious discussion until it didn't matter anymore - I'm pretty sure hes doing that same thing here.
> 
> I just feel that until the day he can sit down and have an intelligent conversation with me about this - I cant bring myself to apologize for anything.


The key point is that it's for you - Nothing to do with him. His reaction doesn't matter.

It'll be you closing the book emotionally of that chapter in your life.

Zillard's thread - a must read - details how he went about it and what it did for him.

We are not ready. We are still shaken up about what happened.

I don't ever expect to know what really happened in my case - you probably won't either... But soon it won't matter.

Mavi and Chip can explain it better than I can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> Courts are influenced by attorneys, social workers, police, etc. If RG had written the equivalent abusive shyt in emails, a lawyer experienced in shutting down wife beaters would use it to suggest anger issues and reasons for his/her client to not feel safe, then the court might take it into consideration.
> 
> If Mrs RG has changed their D's residence and school without so much as a word to RG, that may also be presented in court. The email crazy and I'll-do-whatever-I-please attitude are not good for her to have 80% custody.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> The key point is that it's for you - Nothing to do with him. His reaction doesn't matter.
> 
> It'll be you closing the book emotionally of that chapter in your life.
> 
> Zillard's thread - a must read - details how he went about it and what it did for him.
> 
> We are not ready. We are still shaken up about what happened.
> 
> I don't ever expect to know what really happened in my case - you probably won't either... But soon it won't matter.
> 
> Mavi and Chip can explain it better than I can.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can see what your saying and you're right I guess we're not ready. I was moving along but I had a setback when I found out who the ow was. Now honestly - if I had found out everything at one time I probably would have had a nervous breakdown - I was better equipped to handle it now.

I'm looking forward to the day that it just wont matter anymore. I'm a long way off from that still but I'm getting there - I'm sure you will too.


----------



## tom67

RG just concentrate on other mom's boobers and you'll be fine! Oh wrong thread Ugh tigers have 3 homers in 6 innings I think I'll check out the yanks texas game.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> RG just concentrate on other mom's boobers and you'll be fine! Oh wrong thread Ugh tigers have 3 homers in 6 innings I think I'll check out the yanks texas game.


Yankees -1. Texas -2. Pettite just walked someone


----------



## ReGroup

My co worker who's about 20 years older than me - a Met Fan as well, has been trying to make me jump ship.

He says: RG, don't do it to yourself. Dump the Mets.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> RG just concentrate on other mom's boobers and you'll be fine! Oh wrong thread Ugh tigers have 3 homers in 6 innings I think I'll check out the yanks texas game.


Boobers have a place in every thread.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> My co worker who's about 20 years older than me - a Met Fan as well, has been trying to make me jump ship.
> 
> He says: RG, don't do it to yourself. Dump the Mets.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well depending on how old you are I would assume your co worker saw them win the 86 world series - I remember that lol


----------



## Bullwinkle

God love you, Ceegee.


----------



## Pbartender

Ceegee said:


> Boobers have a place in every thread.


----------



## Bullwinkle

At first I thought was Fraggle Rock.


----------



## Pbartender

Bullwinkle said:


> At first I thought was Fraggle Rock.


Boobers.


----------



## Bullwinkle

LOL. Thanks. Really needed a good set of boobers tonight.


----------



## Mavash.

An apology is very high level thinking.

Once you see it you're almost compelled to do it and the words just flow.

However I must clarify its not necessary.

I've coached people who moved on without doing this.

They did it internally which still counts.

You'll know when it's sincere because you will have peace.


----------



## smallsteps

Mavash. said:


> An apology is very high level thinking.
> 
> Once you see it you're almost compelled to do it and the words just flow.
> 
> However I must clarify its not necessary.
> 
> I've coached people who moved on without doing this.
> 
> They did it internally which still counts.
> 
> You'll know when it's sincere because you will have peace.



I can see myself doing it internally - but not to his face.


----------



## Mavash.

smallsteps said:


> I can see myself doing it internally - but not to his face.


Some people are far to toxic to do this with in person.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Some people are far to toxic to do this with in person.


What a good morning on TAM. I am east of GMT and at work 6 hours ahead of you.

re: apologies

Mavash, I am a little pleased with myself because I came up the idea of an apology for BW myself before I read the discussion on RG's page. My thoughts were as follows:

BW needs to write a letter or tell Frostine in person that he forgives her for her infidelity and homicidal rage. Turns out the blow she dealt him partially detached BW's retina. So, perhaps he should let her know about this detail, so that she can understand the full extent to which Jesus has worked on BW's heart.

I have no idea whether BW is a practicing Christian. Personally, I am an atheist but the Christian or Buddhist spirit strikes me as the healthy approach. When BW tells Frostine that he sincerely forgives her, he also throws in an apology for all his failings. Heaven knows he wasn't perfect. By doing this Frostine can no longer use BW as a leg for her victim chair.

When the person you wronged forgives you and apologizes himself, then there is no emotional energy to blame that person. 

Frostine, IMO, has more insight into herself than RG's wife. As their marriage broke down as consequence of her affair, she impulsively wrote a note stating that she hated him and wanted him to die and a sentence later requested wild monkey sex with him at once. 

She wanted BW to die because she was betraying him and destroying her own romantic fantasy that in marriage she was going to end her addiction to relationship hopping. BW was guilty of existing and that is what led her to act on her murderous impulse.

Sex was always the wildcard in her teenage years, a confused 14-year-old girl could always throw sex at an unhealthy relationship and leverage some power or delay it's collapse.

Although her response to the inner conflict was sick and criminal, she was asking herself the right questions. There was insight if not a normal conscience.

In contrast, Mrs RG doesn't seem to ask herself the right questions at all. She blames RG for her adultery and believes it herself. If RG "fought" for her, she would be given a choice to choose between RG and POSOM. Implicitly, that would validate her choice to solve her marital frustrations by lying with another man.

It seems as if it will take failure of her new relationship and RG's indifference to cause her to examine herself. Depending on the character of POSOM, that relationship may limp forward for some time to come. Correct?

Of course the apology or forgiveness road only has currency if it is genuine and heartfelt. Of course some anger may remain but it will lose the pathological hold over the emotions and allow healing.

Is is safe to do this in person with Frostine? She may, given her sharp brain, read this a veiled attack. It would be easy for her to respond by spraying vitriol that would escalate the conflict and destroy BW's intention to let go.

Another danger would be that she would see this as an opening for a rugsweeping reconciliation. So BW should absolutely not have intimate relations because that would undermine the meaning of his action.

BW should probably divorce Frostine and find a healthy woman, but theoretically, if she had good IC and kept her nose clean, she might really change, but it would take a long time if it happened at all. But this is probably the sentimental romantic in me, thinking this.

re: baseball
My father, disdaining American culture, took us just once to a MLB game. I am certain that my mother, who also never fully embraced America, must have nagged him into driving an hour and half to the stadium in Detroit that was home to the Tigers back then. We were really happy. I don't remember the game itself, just the atmosphere of the stadium. Somewhere inside me it as a sign that we going to be American, normal or at least more normal. That turned out not to be true. But the memory of stadium lives on. My recollection is that we did not watch the the whole game, but just three or 4 innings. Then my father was fed up and jerked us out to go home. To interrupt the Saturday of a man who was plotting to save mankind through his lonely brilliance was mankind should have applauded that we got out before the 7th inning stretch.

Many of my father's patients were working class auto workers at the GM plant. He knew so little about America although it was his home for 77 years. He has no idea what a 7th inning stretch is. He has heard of Elvis Presley but could not name a single song. He never listened to the radio.

We had a Black housekeeper nanny from Arkansas. We secretly watched the Tigers on TV with her in Black and White, that's how old I am, that's how quickly life passes by. Daisy loved the game. We were not allowed to watch TV when our parents home, but when they were out Daisy fried herself a pork chop with red pepper and made some grits for herself and had bottle of beer. We had already eaten our food but little boys are always hungry. I think we all got a bite of her dinner. 

"Let us taste, Daisy." 

She was illiterate and had a hard life. Still she was full of love.

My father once bought a German shepherd named Silver Bell for us but neither he nor my mother trained Silver and she grew up to be an unruly animal that bit the postman and chased cars. So they gave her to Daisy to take home to the slum on the other side of town.

Once I was in junior high and my youngest brother had started school, my parents decided they did not need old Daisy anymore. A few years later someone killed Silver, snuck into Daisy's house and slit her throat. Murder was never solved.

RG, last summer I tried to get my two brother and my SIL to go see the Tigers play. We have few opportunities to get together because our families are scattered around the world. My brother the doctor, thought he would bring his three boys, but he couldn't make time. I am sure my SIL made sure it wouldn't happen. We got to Detroit but no one had bought tickets. It was sold out.

We ate a ****†y dinner in Greektown and wandered around the Renaissance center, looked across the water at Canada. I convinced my brother to go look the ruin of the old central station. Detroit is dysfunctional. Sort of like our family. Couldn't even make to the ball game once. The cousins missed that chance to bond. It will never happen now. Kids are starting to go off to college. Profound 

Don't let Mrs RG take your daughter away RG. You can't undo some things. You don't want to be a weekend dad who and let your deluded wife pump her head full nonsense. Read about parental alienation.

Anyway TAM training is necessary for what is left of life, both the good and bad.


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> Well depending on how old you are I would assume your co worker saw them win the 86 world series - I remember that lol


It's a shame the Cardinals haven't been any good since then either.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> It's a shame the Cardinals haven't been any good since then either.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> In contrast, Mrs RG doesn't seem to ask herself the right questions at all. She blames RG for her adultery and believes it herself. If RG "fought" for her, she would be given a choice to choose between RG and POSOM. Implicitly, that would validate her choice to solve her marital frustrations by lying with another man.
> 
> It seems as if it will take failure of her new relationship and RG's indifference to cause her to examine herself. Depending on the character of POSOM, that relationship may limp forward for some time to come. Correct?


I think Chip once addressed this a couple of months back. 

He spoke about his first marriage and his second one - I think on HK's thread. He found that the same problems crept up the second time around: Co - Dependency.

If I would have gone from relationship to relationship; It would have been another train wreck.


----------



## LongWalk

> Originally Posted by smallsteps View Post
> Well depending on how old you are I would assume your co worker saw them win the 86 world series - I remember that lol
> It's a shame the Cardinals haven't been any good since then either.


Conrad,

I remember the Tigers beating the Cardinals in 1968 when I was 10 years old.

Small Steps, I didn't know you were a baseball fan.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Conrad,
> 
> I remember the Tigers beating the Cardinals in 1968 when I was 10 years old.
> 
> Small Steps, I didn't know you were a baseball fan.


Walk,

We finally got even with them in 2006.

Their centerfielder (Granderson) misplayed the flyball that time.


----------



## smallsteps

Conrad said:


> It's a shame the Cardinals haven't been any good since then either.


Lol - yeah right


----------



## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> Conrad,
> 
> I remember the Tigers beating the Cardinals in 1968 when I was 10 years old.
> 
> Small Steps, I didn't know you were a baseball fan.


Yep I am. A Yankees fan to be specific (cue the boos lol!). I'm sure RG knows all about how it gets around here when the Yankees & Mets play each other (how did that 2000 world series turn out?  )

I'm not a die hard fan - ive watched on and off for years but in 2004 when my son was 6 he began getting into baseball & playing little league that's the year I really started paying attention and watching games all season. Ive even been to Yankee stadium a few times (both old & new).


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I think Chip once addressed this a couple of months back.
> 
> He spoke about his first marriage and his second one - I think on HK's thread. He found that the same problems crept up the second time around: Co - Dependency.
> 
> If I would have gone from relationship to relationship; It would have been another train wreck.


Ugh 3rd time in 24 hours lol - you are 100% right. Going from relationship to relationship does not work. We need to let go of our old relationships and go through the grieving process (after all it is the death of something) . Then we need time to heal ourselves and figure out our mistakes so we aren't doomed to repeat them again.


----------



## angstire

LongWalk said:


> Don't let Mrs RG take your daughter away RG. You can't undo some things. You don't want to be a weekend dad who and let your deluded wife pump her head full nonsense. Read about parental alienation.


Truth here RG. I am not pleased with some of the sh!t I had to give up and drama I had to play thru with X1 during our D, but I got 50/50 custody of my daughters and it's worth it. Set that as your goal and fight for it with all your might.

If you win and you get 50/50, your Daughter will be better for you being in her life half the time. The alternative of you being a weekend dad is that she is exposed to your stbxw's toxicity for so much time, it will warp her.

Manipulate her, lawyer up. Do what you can to get 50/50; it's worth it.


----------



## angstire

LongWalk said:


> It seems as if it will take failure of her new relationship and RG's indifference to cause her to examine herself. Depending on the character of POSOM, that relationship may limp forward for some time to come. Correct?


Maybe, but until someone gets to the point of self examination, they will blame the world, SOs, their kids; anyone but themself. Some people are doomed to repeat these mistakes and patterns in relationships for their entire lives. Because they don't look inside for anything to fix, they blame outside only.

All can be done for people who blame and don't fix is pity them. What an unhappy and wasted way to live a short time to be alive.


----------



## Mavash.

Note I've made a correction to my broken person pocket translator.

"You didn't fight for me" should not be taken literally.

Translated it simply means "it's all your fault".

I figured this out after I read that scripts wife said this and there is no OM.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Note I've made a correction to my broken person pocket translator.
> 
> "You didn't fight for me" should not be taken literally.
> 
> Translated it simply means "it's all your fault".
> 
> I figured this out after I read that scripts wife said this and there is no OM.


That makes tons of sense.

Just another way to make me feel guilt.

Glad we chose to ignore them when she flung them our way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HappyKaty

Mavash. said:


> Note I've made a correction to my broken person pocket translator.
> 
> "You didn't fight for me" should not be taken literally.
> 
> Translated it simply means "it's all your fault".
> 
> I figured this out after I read that scripts wife said this and there is no OM.


Truth.

This was always BP's number one victim phrase...even when there was no one else.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Note I've made a correction to my broken person pocket translator.
> 
> "You didn't fight for me" should not be taken literally.
> 
> Translated it simply means "it's all your fault".
> 
> I figured this out after I read that scripts wife said this and there is no OM.


Feels like we're flogging a dead horse. But I always figure that she doesn't exactly know what she wants. Her failure to wrap up the divorce shows that she is uncertain. It could be that figures that making the divorce into a drama makes her appear more desirable to POSOM. Perhaps she is afraid that once she divorces RG, she is not going to get a marriage proposal.

Do you think cohabitating is somehow less desirable to her?

What does POSOM have to gain from marrying her?


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> Feels like we're flogging a dead horse. But I always figure that she doesn't exactly know what she wants. Her failure to wrap up the divorce shows that she is uncertain. It could be that figures that making the divorce into a drama makes her appear more desirable to POSOM. Perhaps she is afraid that once she divorces RG, she is not going to get a marriage proposal.
> 
> Do you think cohabitating is somehow less desirable to her?
> 
> What does POSOM have to gain from marrying her?


I don't think she's entirely happy. And I am too blame. 

She doesn't want me back. But figured on the onset, "if I dispose of this "idiot" I'd attain happiness" - it still eludes her. So she is still blaming me.

Once again, my fault.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I don't think she's entirely happy. And I am too blame.
> 
> She doesn't want me back. But figured in the onset, "if I dispose of this "idiot" I'd attain happiness" - it still eludes her. So she is still blaming me.
> 
> Once again, my fault.


Then she will be blaming you for the rest of her life.


----------



## happyman64

I don't think so.
When the OM gets ditched and Mrs RG moves onto the next guy the same thing will happen.

The ExOM will by then have a hairy butt, lose his hair on his head, get desperate and become a show stealer.

Then Mrs RG will have a new person to blame for her unhappiness.

RG will just be the father of her child.

Lather, rinse, repeat...


----------



## ReGroup

happyman64 said:


> I don't think so.
> When the OM gets ditched and Mrs RG moves onto the next guy the same thing will happen.
> 
> The ExOM will by then have a hairy butt, lose his hair on his head, get desperate and become a show stealer.
> 
> Then Mrs RG will have a new person to blame for her unhappiness.
> 
> RG will just be the father of her child.
> 
> Lather, rinse, repeat...


And here I thought I was special. LOL


----------



## Chuck71

maybe in a year or two you and posom can have a beer

and swar war stories


----------



## angstire

Chuck71 said:


> maybe in a year or two you and posom can have a beer
> 
> and swar war stories


Yep, my stbxw's ex and I are talking about doing the very thing.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> And here I thought I was special. LOL


You are to us.

Why else do you have such a loyal fan club!


----------



## BWBill

_Her failure to wrap up the divorce shows that she is uncertain._ 

Not true. Correct me if I’m wrong, RG, but she is unlikely to get more money out of a divorce. However, she will probably lose some control over the child. She is in a better place right now.

_It could be that figures that making the divorce into a drama makes her appear more desirable to POSOM. _

The drama is to cover up that she is deliberately dragging her feet. The best defense is a good offense.

_Perhaps she is afraid that once she divorces RG, she is not going to get a marriage proposal._

Like she respects the institution of marriage.

_Do you think cohabitating is somehow less desirable to her?_

Cohabitation = more $$, better living accomodations.


----------



## ReGroup

BWBill said:


> _Her failure to wrap up the divorce shows that she is uncertain._
> 
> Not true. Correct me if I’m wrong, RG, but she is unlikely to get more money out of a divorce. However, she will probably lose some control over the child. She is in a better place right now.
> 
> _It could be that figures that making the divorce into a drama makes her appear more desirable to POSOM. _
> 
> The drama is to cover up that she is deliberately dragging her feet. The best defense is a good offense.
> 
> _Perhaps she is afraid that once she divorces RG, she is not going to get a marriage proposal._
> 
> Like she respects the institution of marriage.
> 
> _Do you think cohabitating is somehow less desirable to her?_
> 
> Cohabitation = more $$, better living accomodations.


Yup, she is winning on all superficial - fronts at the moment.

I am playing catch up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> Note I've made a correction to my broken person pocket translator.
> 
> "You didn't fight for me" should not be taken literally.
> 
> Translated it simply means "it's all your fault".
> 
> I figured this out after I read that scripts wife said this and there is no OM.


Yep. I tried to allude to that sentiment earlier, but Mav just has such a better way of saying it.:smnotworthy:

BTW, my crazy ex said very similar things. It's the rationalization hamster talking.

It doesn't mean they want you back, or to fight for them.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mav should start a thread with that exact title:

*The Broken Person Pocket Translator*


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Mav should start a thread with that exact title:
> 
> *The Broken Person Pocket Translator*


No, as I've told her countless times before, she needs to produce an app. 

My 10 year old son knows how to do it. 

I'd pay $5.00 for that app. There are probably a million guys in the US alone that would pay $5.00. 

Do the math MAV.


----------



## vi_bride04

I'd pay for that app and I'm not a dude....LOL


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Yep. I tried to allude to that sentiment earlier, but Mav just has such a better way of saying it.:smnotworthy:
> 
> BTW, my crazy ex said very similar things. It's the rationalization hamster talking.
> 
> It doesn't mean they want you back, or to fight for them.


Who would have ever thought that if Script would have taken his wife kayaking, she wouldn't have banged 4 posOM's?

It's all his fault.


----------



## Conrad

Aren't we getting close to the first of the month?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

But she* really* likes kayaking!

LiveLeak.com - Wife has a temper tantrum because her husband won't take her to the lake


----------



## ReGroup

I saw that instant classic - oh the memories.

Mrs. RG is now haggling over me because I didn't inform her that our mutual friend had a miscarriage.

Like it's my duty.

Woman won't even tell me she moved... The irony.

That she would have "appreciated" the heads up.

Crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I saw that instant classic - oh the memories.
> 
> Mrs. RG is now haggling over me because I didn't inform her that our mutual friend had a miscarriage.
> 
> Like it's my duty.
> 
> Woman won't even tell me she moved... The irony.
> 
> That she would have "appreciated" the heads up.
> 
> Crazy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you asked her yet of your kid's new address?


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Have you asked her yet of your kid's new address?


When I see her in person... which will be tomorrow.

She's blowing up my phone.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> When I see her in person... which will be tomorrow.


Put your phone on record for that classic. I hope she just gives it to you but for some reason you bring out the "best" in her she just can't help it.


----------



## ReGroup

You guys think if I write: If it's not divorce, financial or D4 related we have nothing to discuss.

Appropriate?


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> When I see her in person... which will be tomorrow.
> 
> She's blowing up my phone.


Oh boy here we go.:slap::crazy::crazy:


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> You guys think if I write: If it's not divorce, financial or D4 related we have nothing to discuss.
> 
> Appropriate?


Unnecessary.

If it's not divorce, financial or D4, just stop discussing it.


----------



## tom67

Save the texts so your lawyer can use them to get a court ordered psych evaluation, seriously.


----------



## vi_bride04

Pbartender said:


> Unnecessary.
> 
> If it's not divorce, financial or D4, just stop discussing it.


:iagree:


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> When I see her in person... which will be tomorrow.
> 
> She's blowing up my phone.


It's what she does.

Going to be a fun weekend.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> It's what she does.
> 
> Going to be a fun weekend.


Sigh-I'll get the popcorn Conrad will bring the milk duds lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

So RG what is she saying you still have evil sperm?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> So RG what is she saying you still have evil sperm?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We'll be in the same room for more than 45 minutes tomorrow. 

I don't know what's going to happen. 

I am going to ignore her, read my Time's Magazine and act as if.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> We'll be in the same room for more than 45 minutes tomorrow.
> 
> I don't know what's going to happen.
> 
> I am going to ignore her, read my Time's Magazine and act as if.


Make certain she gets a glimpse of the combination lock on your wallet.

When other people see that, you'll steal the show.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Group, 

Find the most smokin' hot MILF there and park your a$$ right next to her.


----------



## tom67

ThreeStrikes said:


> Group,
> 
> Find the most smokin' hot MILF there and park your a$$ right next to her.


:iagree::iagree:And make sure you strike up a conversation and get a ph#:FIREdevil:hey what's good for the goose is good for the gooseee!


----------



## coachman

The FAN club needs its Friday Mrs. RG blowup. 

I've been patiently waiting...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


----------



## GutPunch

coachman said:


> The FAN club needs its Friday Mrs. RG blowup.
> 
> I've been patiently waiting...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


She's saving it for tomorrow's meetup.


----------



## coachman

Well if she's gonna keep me on the hook for another day it better be worth it. Dammit. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


----------



## vi_bride04

coachman said:


> Well if she's gonna keep me on the hook for another day it better be worth it. Dammit.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


Oh it will be worth it!!!! *grabs popcorn*

I'm going up north where I will barely have cell signal this weekend but you better believe I'm going to be checking TAM whenever I do have signal just to see what happens!!!


----------



## Conrad

vi_bride04 said:


> Oh it will be worth it!!!! *grabs popcorn*
> 
> I'm going up north where I will barely have cell signal this weekend but you better believe I'm going to be checking TAM whenever I do have signal just to see what happens!!!


What jersey size do you wear?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> What jersey size do you wear?


Do we get a choice of road or home?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Do we get a choice of road or home?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Any color you want, as long as it's blue.


----------



## coachman

L
#69


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


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## Lifescript

M

#5


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## Ceegee

XL

#3 with an X over it


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## Pbartender

L

#42


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## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> We'll be in the same room for more than 45 minutes tomorrow.
> 
> I don't know what's going to happen.
> 
> I am going to ignore her, read my Time's Magazine and act as if.


Is this for the parenting class?


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## somethingnewmaybe

I went to parenting class for my 14 year old when he was a kid so I don't have to go again. Holla
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

All I am going to say is: Mavesh The Great

I'll post in a couple of hours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> All I am going to say is: Mavesh The Great
> 
> I'll post in a couple of hours.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tease!

We are assembled and ready


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## happyman64

Definitely a tease. Maybe he introduced Mrs RG to the rest of the parents as his exwayward wife....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

Read it and weep.

Reading Program for 4 year olds Day 1

I step into the class room. Kids and their parents everywhere. I scan the room until I find D4 and HER.

I see a chair right beside D4 and I get a hold of it. I say my soft hellos to D4 and HER.

Immediately, she says: You can't say hello?*You know if this is the way it's going to be then this won't work.*You always know how to make me feel like sh*t.

The activities begin and everyone is having a good time. Out of the corner of my eye I see he observing me like a hawk. I am interacting with D4 and some of the other kids.

They do a roll call and one of the kids name is .... You guessed it: One of the Babylon 7. Mrs. RG is tensed. Saw her out of the corner of my eyes.*

Reading program was a hit. Everyone has a good time and we are dismissed.

D4 and Mrs. RG to the bathroom and I get a phone call. When they come out I am just ending my conversation.

We head to the exit and start walking off campus and it begins:

Are you going to your girlfriends place today?

I know you were talking to her when we were in the bathroom.

Me: Stop it.

She unloads: Why you have to make me feel insignificant. I saw you staring at the teacher up and down. We need to communicate for the sake of D4.

Why didn't you tell me about the miscarriage?

Me: It's not my place to inform you about their news.

Mrs. RG: Look we don't have to communicate like we are best friends but we need to for the sake of D4.

Me: We don't need to interact but we can communicate better. Look I don't have issues with you.

Mrs. RG: Yes you do. You harm me in your own ways. You don't want to talk to me.*

RG: If we are to communicate all the dissing and vulgar language must stop.

Mrs. RG: That's how I talk.

RG: That doesn't fly with me. We have to try a better approach.

Mrs. RG: How can we do this for D4's sake. Why must you be so indifferent? My whole self esteem was wrecked by you. You don't respect me. I don't think you are able communicate.

(Biting my tongue)

Mrs. RG: If you want to continue being a weekend dad than fine.

RG: I'm out. Say bye to mom D4.

That's your bus M is here.

Mrs. RG: I don't need to take it right now.

You have screwed me over with everything. All I ask is for communication. You didn't even help me pay for daycare this summer. And you made me take D4 out of St. John's. That payment you sent, we won't get back.

(Remember, she said she paid it folks)

RG: She's not in St. John's?

Mrs. RG: You made me take her out.

RG: I can't talk anymore.

D4, give your hugs and kiss. We out.

(D4 starts to well up)

Mrs. RG: D4, poppy doesn't like mommy.

RG: Don't say those things infront of her.

Mrs. RG: She tells me so! We need to communicate.

D4 and I jet and cross the streets.

1 missed phone calls.

Text Bombing Time:

You just threw into the face of everything I was trying to tell you. You do not communicate with me about D4. You want to keep it like this? I don't. *

I hope one day you'll have your "a-ha" moment and realize that you did everything wrong when it came to me.*

Your entire way of handling all of this has been completely immature and irresponsible.*

And your only interest in seeing D4 seems to be because your girlfriend has a kid.*

I hope you make some changes for the best.*

What kind of person won't communicate with me about something tragic that happened with a close friend?? Tragedy usually supersedes those lines and makes people want to reach out but you either truly have something against me even though you deny it or you are incapable it.

You have no respect for me. You can't even be kind to the mother of your child hold or someone that you were with for almost a decade.*

I was shaking my head because I've had numerous conversations with you about having a better communication for D4. And nothing ever changes w you.*

My anger and frustration comes from utter and compete lack of disrespect, lack of communication lack of concern , indifference. You say so much more by not saying anything.

Never truly loved me and I've always known it. When interact With you it's so obviously and it makes me hate myself for staying for as long as I did. *

You don't care about anyone but your own ego and feelings.*

You bring out the worst in me. You make me somebody that I don't like and you make me feel lower than anyone has ever made me feel. I'm sitting here thinking.

And you wanna know what?! I curse when I get mad! That is who I am! You never loved me or who I was anyway so It's probably hard for you to understand.*

Thanks for not responding.
-------------------------------
Day 1 complete.

I owe PosOM a hug. He's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

TAM first... I love The PosOM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somethingnewmaybe

Dangggggg
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

She never lets us down.


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## Conrad

somethingnewmaybe said:


> Dangggggg
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need a jersey?

What size?


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## somethingnewmaybe

M plz lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

somethingnewmaybe said:


> M plz lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GutPunch

Worth the wait.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk

You're not as keen on reconciliation anymore... dumping her on the POSOM. Big of you, RG.


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## ReGroup

It's a damn side show is what this is.

PTSD for sure. She must have it. I am sure of it. She's in a different reality.

4 more classes to go!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> It's a damn side show is what this is.
> 
> PTSD for sure. She must have it. I am sure of it. She's in a different reality.
> 
> 4 more classes to go!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Show stealer


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## ReGroup

RG: D4, It's not true what mommy said. Pops never said or felt that he doesn't like mommy.

D4: Mommy says that you don't care about her. That you are upset at her. She also said you don't listen.

School Psych my people's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Show stealer


10 years to go Chip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> RG: D4, It's not true what mommy said. Pops never said or felt that he doesn't like mommy.
> 
> D4: Mommy says that you don't care about her. That you are upset at her. She also said you don't listen.
> 
> School Psych my people's.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


CHEAP, balding, show stealer


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## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> CHEAP, balding, show stealer


Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coachman

GutPunch said:


> Worth the wait.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


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## smallsteps

Good lord is all I can say. Save that text - I'm sure that will work to your advantage in court. Is she really that stupid that she can spew all of that out in front of your D and think it's ok? Does she honestly think you won't save that text & use it against her someday? Well look at it this way - her stupidity and lack of self control will work to your advantage not hers. Just keep that in mind evey time she starts to run her mouth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Good lord is all I can say. Save that text - I'm sure that will work to your advantage in court. Is she really that stupid that she can spew all of that out in front of your D and think it's ok? Does she honestly think you won't save that text & use it against her someday? Well look at it this way - her stupidity and lack of self control will work to your advantage not hers. Just keep that in mind evey time she starts to run her mouth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But, but... Isn't all of this normal?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

Sometimes I ask myself, maybe I just bring out the worst in her.

Maybe she's not crazy and I was just a foul partner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Sometimes I ask myself, maybe I just bring out the worst in her.
> 
> Maybe she's not crazy and I was just a foul partner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Try again - she's crazy. I'm not saying you're perfect but that crazy is all on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes

Notice how she projects all of* her* bad qualities onto you?

Just a bunch of "Pay attention to me, Daddy!" talk, and when you didn't, it's a tantrum.

Predictable behavior. 

Was the teacher hawt????:smthumbup:


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## ThreeStrikes

Lots of blameshifting in there, too. 

You, you, you, you, you....


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## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> Good lord is all I can say. Save that text - I'm sure that will work to your advantage in court. Is she really that stupid that she can spew all of that out in front of your D and think it's ok? Does she honestly think you won't save that text & use it against her someday? Well look at it this way - her stupidity and lack of self control will work to your advantage not hers. Just keep that in mind evey time she starts to run her mouth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Steps,

You need a jersey?


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## ThreeStrikes

BTW, Group.

Something tells me you're still in the black. Blacker than black.

Think about this:

If, when you walked into class, and saw Crazy, you had walked up and smiled. Said a polite "Hello Crazy. How are you? You look nice! I like that outfit. Do you mind if I sit next to you two?"

How would the rest of the class/after class conversations gone?

I'm telling you, if you want any sort of peace and drama-free existence for the next several years, suck it up, fake it, and get into the white.

Once you're in the white, you can just be cordial and civil, with almost no contact, and everything will be fine. 

You just have to get there, and to do it you have to be savvy.

I feel for you, man.


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## smallsteps

Conrad said:


> Steps,
> 
> You need a jersey?


Yes please - I like my shirts big - make it a large
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

Complimenting on her outfit or asking her "how she's doing" will go over just as poorly right now and come off exactly how it is, fake.

You are right about a simple hello that is able to be heard by a few people.


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## angstire

Sorry you have to deal with. It will get exhausting over the years, all you can hope is that she gets bored. She's like a bully, the less you react, she'll get bored and do this less. Could take awhile though.

Sorry for you and daughter.


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## Lifescript

I feel really sorry for your daughter. The crazy will only get worse.


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## Pam

I'm with Smallsteps. Oh. My. Lord.

I need a large, please. Can't miss out on this one.

My mouth is hanging open.

ETA...

Can somebody really be that crazed? I can't comprehend. Why is RG supposed to care about her?? They aren't BFF's. She's the one who left.

I know, I know. Preaching to the choir, but I can't wrap my head around this one.


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## Ceegee

Pam said:


> I'm with Smallsteps. Oh. My. Lord.
> 
> I need a large, please. Can't miss out on this one.
> 
> My mouth is hanging open.
> 
> ETA...
> 
> Can somebody really be that crazed? I can't comprehend. Why is RG supposed to care about her?? They aren't BFF's. She's the one who left.
> 
> I know, I know. Preaching to the choir, but I can't wrap my head around this one.


Can somebody really be that crazy?

Take a look at RG's home video. 

http://youtu.be/eaNNVazyjLQ


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## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Can somebody really be that crazy?
> 
> Take a look at RG's home video.
> 
> [FULL VIDEO] I m about to go CRAZY Wife s temper tantrum at husband - YouTube


I like this one trial starts 7/30 Update:Wife Caught On Cam Trying To Hire A Hitman To Murder Husband For Insurance Money - YouTube


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## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> I like this one trial starts 7/30 Update:Wife Caught On Cam Trying To Hire A Hitman To Murder Husband For Insurance Money - YouTube


B1tch3s be crazy.


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## angstire

Ceegee said:


> Can somebody really be that crazy?
> 
> Take a look at RG's home video.
> 
> [FULL VIDEO] I m about to go CRAZY Wife s temper tantrum at husband - YouTube


Geez-us!!!


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## smallsteps

angstire said:


> Geez-us!!!


I have to watch this when I get home from work!!! Now I'm curious...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes

06Daddio08 said:


> Complimenting on her outfit or asking her "how she's doing" will go over just as poorly right now and come off exactly how it is, fake.
> 
> You are right about a simple hello that is able to be heard by a few people.


Stop assuming she thinks like a normal person. Fake validation will work. Trust me 

But Group can do what he wants. Maybe he gets a kick out of the freak show he provides us. 

I for one have seen very little "moving on". The focus has all been on Crazy, and the entertainment she provides.


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## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ThreeStrikes said:


> Stop assuming she thinks like a normal person. Fake validation will work. Trust me
> 
> But Group can do what he wants. Maybe he gets a kick out of the freak show he provides us.
> 
> I for one have seen very little "moving on". The focus has all been on Crazy, and the entertainment she provides.


I don't assume she thinks rationally, but I do know the extra "nice" still result in more drama.


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## 06Daddio08

But you're right. Many here love to provoke for drama and entrainment.


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## smallsteps

Ceegee said:


> Can somebody really be that crazy?
> 
> Take a look at RG's home video.
> 
> [FULL VIDEO] I m about to go CRAZY Wife s temper tantrum at husband - YouTube


I honest to God CAN NOT stand women who behave like that. Just grow the f up!! Sorry but that video actually made me mad. If I were that guy I would have pulled over and told her get out. Then lets see what princess would do next. Jeeze!!! Women like that give normal women a bad name.


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## LongWalk

Watched both the videos. The take-me-to-the-lake wife acts like she is suffering PMS. She displaying a side of herself that she dares to expose to her husband because they are in an intimate relationship and the two of them do not have sound boundaries. The husband has failed. And by posting her on YouTube he has failed again since he has escalated it their marital problems.

If that episode is typical behavior on her part, they should divorce.

ReGroup has never posted a picture of his wife. My impression is that sharing via the thread has been a survival mechanism. Humor has been part of it. When the humor aspect becomes too grotesque, then RG will have to put a stop to it.

Unfortunately, his daughter is the person whose needs are most important. And here there is nothing to joke about. "I want to live with you Pappi." That is what I remember, always.

As for deciphering Mrs RG's statements. I wonder if RG shouldn't ask her once to clarify so that it is clearer in his mind. Her two central points are:

1) "You didn't fight for me."
Since she repeated this so many times, could RG write something like:

"You often accuse me of having failed to fight for you. I fought for you the best way that I knew how at the time. It wasn't good enough. It did not change your decision to replace me with a new man. I am sorry. Can you accept my apology and not mention it again."

"Often you accuse me of belittling you, destroying your self esteem, making you feel worthless, etc. There is nothing I can do to help you here. You started a relationship with another man before getting a divorce. That hurt my self esteem as well. Since then I decided that I could not let my self worth depend on you. To do so would be unhealthy for me.

Your self esteem as a wife and woman are your responsibility. If your new husband respects and treats you right that will be a sign that your are in a good relationship. Work on your new relationship and don't depend on your old marriage to give you emotional sustenance, for that part of your life is over."

Perhaps this is too logical and too needy?

Mavash, ThreeStrikes, your opinion?


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## Chuck71

ThreeStrikes said:


> But she* really* likes kayaking!
> 
> LiveLeak.com - Wife has a temper tantrum because her husband won't take her to the lake


:rofl: PRICELESS!!!

That high pitch whining EGH....he should have taken her to the lake

tie rocks to her floaties and wave bye bye


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## Chuck71

Group, next session...bring some cud. When QL starts the spill, hand her some


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## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> Watched both the videos. The take-me-to-the-lake wife acts like she is suffering PMS. She displaying a side of herself that she dares to expose to her husband because they are in an intimate relationship and the two of them do not have sound boundaries.


PMS my you know what!!! I get PMS every month and I don't behave like that. If someone has PMS is that bad then get yourself to a doctor pronto!! 
I see that display as a woman who is spoiler rotten - who has be able to get her way every time she throws a tantrum. Its a learned behavior just like a child learns if it wants something and gets its way by throwing a tantrum the child will do it over and over.

Now here's where her husband/boyfriend plays the enabler. Yes he took that video and he seems not to be phased BUT how much do you want to make a bet that they go home- she apologizes and gives him some lame cutesy excuse - he accepts it and tells her how cute she is when she gets mad. Now everything is good again and next time she doesn't get her way - tantrum starts again.


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## Chuck71

if the video was shown on Thanksgiving, around 3PM

everyone is turket stuffed or alcohol bloated

it would get better ratings that the Lions

viewing yourself is a cold hard fact

Group's QL if she was shown a clip of another female

doing what she later would, in say 2009

she would say 'that girl is bat chit crazy'

FF to 2013

would she give same response? yes i doubt she would


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## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> ReGroup has never posted a picture of his wife. My impression is that sharing via the thread has been a survival mechanism. Humor has been part of it. When the humor aspect becomes too grotesque, then RG will have to put a stop to it.
> 
> Unfortunately, his daughter is the person whose needs are most important. And here there is nothing to joke about. "I want to live with you Pappi." That is what I remember


Humor is a good coping mechanisim. You know the saying sometimes things are so bad you just have to laugh? Well there you are. 

I feel bad for his daughter. Shes growing up with that as an example of how to behave. Its sad.

The night my stbxh left - after he tells me everything by calling me out to the car after work one night he decides to come into the house and announce what is going on to the kids. Before he gets a word out I blurt out all in one sentence : "your father is leaving me hes not happy and he found someone else." I realized my mistake immediately (kids at the time were 23-20&14) and still feel terrible about the way I handled things. At that moment though it was either I did that or I was going to grab the nearest object and throw it at him. I should have chose the later option. It would have hurt him but not the kids - they were going to be hurt enough already by him.


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## angstire

smallsteps said:


> I honest to God CAN NOT stand women who behave like that. Just grow the f up!! Sorry but that video actually made me mad. If I were that guy I would have pulled over and told her get out. Then lets see what princess would do next. Jeeze!!! Women like that give normal women a bad name.


One of our kids threw tantrums like that when she was three. A recommendation was to film it and show her later. The embarrassment would make her think twice the next time she got ready to blow up like that. 

Just mentioning we were going to film and show her was enough to get her to chill out. Mostly.


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## tom67

LongWalk said:


> Watched both the videos. The take-me-to-the-lake wife acts like she is suffering PMS. She displaying a side of herself that she dares to expose to her husband because they are in an intimate relationship and the two of them do not have sound boundaries. The husband has failed. And by posting her on YouTube he has failed again since he has escalated it their marital problems.
> 
> If that episode is typical behavior on her part, they should divorce.
> 
> ReGroup has never posted a picture of his wife. My impression is that sharing via the thread has been a survival mechanism. Humor has been part of it. When the humor aspect becomes too grotesque, then RG will have to put a stop to it.
> 
> Unfortunately, his daughter is the person whose needs are most important. And here there is nothing to joke about. "I want to live with you Pappi." That is what I remember, always.
> 
> As for deciphering Mrs RG's statements. I wonder if RG shouldn't ask her once to clarify so that it is clearer in his mind. Her two central points are:
> 
> 1) "You didn't fight for me."
> Since she repeated this so many times, could RG write something like:
> 
> "You often accuse me of having failed to fight for you. I fought for you the best way that I knew how at the time. It wasn't good enough. It did not change your decision to replace me with a new man. I am sorry. Can you accept my apology and not mention it again."
> 
> "Often you accuse me of belittling you, destroying your self esteem, making you feel worthless, etc. There is nothing I can do to help you here. You started a relationship with another man before getting a divorce. That hurt my self esteem as well. Since then I decided that I could not let my self worth depend on you. To do so would be unhealthy for me.
> 
> Your self esteem as a wife and woman are your responsibility. If your new husband respects and treats you right that will be a sign that your are in a good relationship. Work on your new relationship and don't depend on your old marriage to give you emotional sustenance, for that part of your life is over."
> 
> Perhaps this is too logical and too needy?
> 
> Mavash, ThreeStrikes, your opinion?


I think that's about right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk

smallsteps said:


> PMS my you know what!!! I get PMS every month and I don't behave like that. If someone has PMS is that bad then get yourself to a doctor pronto!!
> I see that display as a woman who is spoiler rotten - who has be able to get her way every time she throws a tantrum. Its a learned behavior just like a child learns if it wants something and gets its way by throwing a tantrum the child will do it over and over.
> 
> Now here's where her husband/boyfriend plays the enabler. Yes he took that video and he seems not to be phased BUT how much do you want to make a bet that they go home- she apologizes and gives him some lame cutesy excuse - he accepts it and tells her how cute she is when she gets mad. Now everything is good again and next time she doesn't get her way - tantrum starts again.


I am not excusing her behavior. But as you point out he is the enabler. This is part of their relationship. Maybe the two of them are proud of all the YouTube hits they got. Maybe they are divorced.

My point is that putting your wife up on YouTube like this is wrong. It's not different than tricking some woman to sext and then posting her vagina on the Internet. I'm sorry. That is a betrayal of trust.

There are few quarreling couples who look good.

That does not mean she is classy. BTW a lot of decisions to divorce are made when women are PMSing.


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## ThreeStrikes

LongWalk said:


> I am not excusing her behavior. But as you point out he is the enabler. This is part of their relationship. Maybe the two of them are proud of all the YouTube hits they got. Maybe they are divorced.
> 
> My point is that putting your wife up on YouTube like this is wrong. It's not different than tricking some woman to sext and then posting her vagina on the Internet. I'm sorry. That is a betrayal of trust.
> 
> There are few quarreling couples who look good.
> 
> That does not mean she is classy. BTW a lot of decisions to divorce are made when women are PMSing.


The husband in that video filed for D, moved out, and got a restraining order against her.

He purposely obtained that video, to protect himself and his integrity.

It's no different than the advice we give someone to have a VAR on them. Well, today's smartphones double as VARs.

And I guarantee you, if he didn't get that video as proof, everyone would have assumed he was the bad guy for divorcing her...especially with his wife villifying his character on FB and via texts. Listen to the very last thing he says before shutting the video off.

Anyone who has lived with a nut like that can relate to why this guy did it. And now the world can see her nuttiness, too.

That is not PMS! That is a classic BPD tantrum.

OK, sorry of the thread-jack.


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## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> I am not excusing her behavior. But as you point out he is the enabler. This is part of their relationship. Maybe the two of them are proud of all the YouTube hits they got. Maybe they are divorced.
> 
> My point is that putting your wife up on YouTube like this is wrong. It's not different than tricking some woman to sext and then posting her vagina on the Internet. I'm sorry. That is a betrayal of trust.
> 
> There are few quarreling couples who look good.
> 
> That does not mean she is classy. BTW a lot of decisions to divorce are made when women are PMSing.


Oh I'm aware you're not making excuses for her - I guess I cant get my head around PMS making a woman act that badly. 

I agree that he had no right to record what she did - I'm not sure of your age but unfortunately in this day and age with the way certain people in their 20's find that completely acceptable.


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## Bullwinkle

SmallSteps, I hear you about women not using PMS as an excuse for bad behavior but in my case, I could set a watch to it. I actually kept a calendar so I could anticipate the irrational behavior and the incredible anger.


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## smallsteps

Bullwinkle said:


> SmallSteps, I hear you about women not using PMS as an excuse for bad behavior but in my case, I could set a watch to it. I actually kept a calendar so I could anticipate the irrational behavior and the incredible anger.


Im sorry for you. Look it happens to me some months things just seem overwhelming and others I have no patience for anything. I'm aware of it though and adjust accordingly usually by just avoiding what irritates me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> Stop assuming she thinks like a normal person. Fake validation will work. Trust me
> 
> But Group can do what he wants. Maybe he gets a kick out of the freak show he provides us.
> 
> I for one have seen very little "moving on". The focus has all been on Crazy, and the entertainment she provides.


I disagree. I am further along than you think.

You can say the focus has been focused on Crazy and you might be right... But the objective for the most part has been on how to deal with this lunatic. 

Moving along slowly, but headed in the right direction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I disagree. I am further along than you think.
> 
> You can say the focus has been focused on Crazy and you might be right... But the objective for the most part has been on how to deal with this lunatic.
> 
> Moving along slowly, but headed in the right direction.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From the sound of things I don't think you really have a choice but to deal with her "crazy" Learn how to neutralize that and half your battle is won.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> From the sound of things I don't think you really have a choice but to deal with her "crazy" Learn how to neutralize that and half your battle is won.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know, I know.

Very tough spot for me.

Like 3x mentioned... I have to suck it up and throw in some "nice" to manipulate opportunities.

I will mix that with The Gut Punch approach.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smallsteps

You need to plan something before you see her again. Look I'm from generally the same area you are., I just come from a different borough and made the move over the bridge 10 years ago so I've seen women like your stbxw in action. The less of a reaction you show to her insanity the better off you'll be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I disagree. I am further along than you think.
> 
> You can say the focus has been focused on Crazy and you might be right... But the objective for the most part has been on how to deal with this lunatic.
> 
> Moving along slowly, but headed in the right direction.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't mean to be harsh, or blunt, but if I had said that to my IC, she would have called me out.

This most recent exchange with Crazy shows you are not one iota closer to civil co-parenting than you were several months ago.

Are you making strides internally? Perhaps you are, but here on TAM the focus has been on Crazy.

Group, you need to gain some sort of foothold. A crack in the ice.

If it were me, I would text a brief apology for upsetting her at the class. Saying that it was never my intention to cause her duress, and that hopefully you can make the next experience more pleasant for all.

Don't blame her for anything, and don't let it turn into another text/shout contest. If she gets all defensive and starts laying into you, just re-send "I was just trying to apologize" and leave it at that. Let her stew on it.

This is how I would've (and have) dealt with my own Crazy. 

Will it work for you? It might be worth a shot. It's a different approach than a lot of the jilted guys here would recommend, I realize.

I had to let go of always being "right" and "righteous". It was worth it.

Example: My kids are staying with her parents in FL for the week. Crazy is not there. It's their first vacation ever without a parent. My ex has actually been texting me photos of the kids' activities (beach, fishing, etc)*without me even inquiring!* It's astounding, really. I simply text a "thank you for the pics"...and she keeps sending them. No additional contact. Just the way I like it.


----------



## tom67

RG carry a var with you so you have her crazy antics recorded for everyone to listen or better yet video it like the other guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Bullwinkle said:


> SmallSteps, I hear you about women not using PMS as an excuse for bad behavior but in my case, I could set a watch to it. I actually kept a calendar so I could anticipate the irrational behavior and the incredible anger.


My ex was very irrational and moody when she PMS. Not having had any sisters, I didn't understand this. D18 also acts poorly but like a modern young woman she proclaims PMS as a right to be irascible.


----------



## LongWalk

ThreeStrikes said:


> I don't mean to be harsh, or blunt, but if I had said that to my IC, she would have called me out.
> 
> This most recent exchange with Crazy shows you are not one iota closer to civil co-parenting than you were several months ago.
> 
> Are you making strides internally? Perhaps you are, but here on TAM the focus has been on Crazy.
> 
> Group, you need to gain some sort of foothold. A crack in the ice.
> 
> If it were me, I would text a brief apology for upsetting her at the class. Saying that it was never my intention to cause her duress, and that hopefully you can make the next experience more pleasant for all.
> 
> Don't blame her for anything, and don't let it turn into another text/shout contest. If she gets all defensive and starts laying into you, just re-send "I was just trying to apologize" and leave it at that. Let her stew on it.
> 
> This is how I would've (and have) dealt with my own Crazy.
> 
> Will it work for you? It might be worth a shot. It's a different approach than a lot of the jilted guys here would recommend, I realize.
> 
> I had to let go of always being "right" and "righteous". It was worth it.
> 
> Example: My kids are staying with her parents in FL for the week. Crazy is not there. It's their first vacation ever without a parent. My ex has actually been texting me photos of the kids' activities (beach, fishing, etc)*without me even inquiring!* It's astounding, really. I simply text a "thank you for the pics"...and she keeps sending them. No additional contact. Just the way I like it.


Some combination of Mavash (ground theory), Conrad (common sense), Threestrikes (off piste skiing, i.e., not for beginners).


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> I know, I know.
> 
> Very tough spot for me.
> 
> Like 3x mentioned... I have to suck it up and throw in some "nice" to manipulate opportunities.
> 
> I will mix that with The Gut Punch approach.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, and the GP approach. No stupid gambles. I'll bet GP is going to coach his football team to master a few basic plays. He'll have couple of tricky ones just for fun.

GP will you start a game with an onside's kick?


----------



## GutPunch

LongWalk said:


> Yes, and the GP approach. No stupid gambles. I'll bet GP is going to coach his football team to master a few basic plays. He'll have couple of tricky ones just for fun.
> 
> GP will you start a game with an onside's kick?


No kicks for 5-7 year olds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

*D4: Mommy says that you don't care about her. That you are upset at her. She also said you don't listen.*

Eliminating this garbage is a worthy goal. It's worth setting the ego aside for.


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> *D4: Mommy says that you don't care about her. That you are upset at her. She also said you don't listen.*
> 
> Eliminating this garbage is a worthy goal. It's worth setting the ego aside for.


She called me an "idiot" because she already "paid" the registration fee. Come to find out she had our daughter transfer schools with out my heads up.

I know I have to keep my wits about me, but it sure is difficult.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> She called me an "idiot" because she already "paid" the registration fee. Come to find out she had our daughter transfer schools with out my heads up.
> 
> I know I have to keep my wits about me, but it sure is difficult.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG it's time to end this disrespect and take her to court and I hope you record some of these sessions did you get a updated adress?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Court ordered psych evaluation she needs it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Does one of you have final decision making or is that still all up in the air?


----------



## smallsteps

Sounds like it's time for you to head to court. I think it will make your life a whole lot easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

> "A healthy choice to enforce boundaries by walking away from a dysfunctional relationship has more to do with recognizing the likeliest outcomes than with wanting to punish or retaliate against one's wayward spouse."
> 
> -TAM member Moxy


I think one of tricky aspect to reworking communication between people in conflict is a belief in the past record. People whose brains move quickly, even following all sorts of broken and crazy logic can be very disconcerting.

One of the difficulties is that a woman who has lived with a man for a long time can pick up a patronizing vibe. 3X seems to have mastered method acting so that one can get into a diplomatic mode that circumvents conflict.


----------



## GutPunch

You cannot communicate with crazy people.

Just be happy and cordial around her.

Refuse to engage in the drama. 

You've done great so far and in my eyes have earned some respect back. She wants her old doormat back. He's dead and gone. 

You can tell her butt looks nice and she'll eat it up but it will not stop the drama. The only thing that will stop it is not engaging. She will hopefully just give up one day. How long did it take to train her doormat? Years....you have only been trying a few months and you are still married.

Stay the course.....ReGroup.


----------



## tom67

GutPunch said:


> You cannot communicate with crazy people.
> 
> Just be happy and cordial around her.
> 
> Refuse to engage in the drama.
> 
> You've done great so far and in my eyes have earned some respect back. She wants her old doormat back. He's dead and gone.
> 
> You can tell her butt looks nice and she'll eat it up but it will not stop the drama. The only thing that will stop it is not engaging. She will hopefully just give up one day. How long did it take to train her doormat? Years....you have only been trying a few months and you are still married.
> 
> Stay the course.....ReGroup.


I agree
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bullwinkle

Group

Punch is right. Stay the course.


----------



## tom67

Bullwinkle said:


> Group
> 
> Punch is right. Stay the course.


Punch is right but time to stop the insanity record/film her then take her to court so kid doesn't turn out like her jmo.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

GutPunch said:


> You cannot communicate with crazy people.
> 
> Just be happy and cordial around her.
> 
> Refuse to engage in the drama.
> 
> You've done great so far and in my eyes have earned some respect back. She wants her old doormat back. He's dead and gone.
> 
> You can tell her butt looks nice and she'll eat it up but it will not stop the drama. The only thing that will stop it is not engaging. She will hopefully just give up one day. How long did it take to train her doormat? Years....you have only been trying a few months and you are still married.
> 
> Stay the course.....ReGroup.


Obviously I disagree with this sentiment. He was cordial and happy at the class. How did that work out for Group? Her conversation and texts afterwards demonstrated zero respect for Group. Maybe I'm not seeing what you are?

You* can* communicate with disordered people. Mav can vouch for that. But you cannot communicate in the same way that you would with a non-disordered.

Group does not have the luxury of NC or not engaging. He has to co-parent. It will get even more difficult to co-parent when D4 is older and is involved in school activities and sports.

It has been more than a "few months". He's been separated for about 15 months, and Mrs. RG is still the shrew towards him now that she was then. 

Staying his current course will not put him in a happy place.

@ Longwalk. I am by no means an expert at this. I'm still learning as I go. When I communicate with my ex, I am not "method acting" or being disingenuous. I just went out of my way to validate her. If I had been faking it, she would've known it. And I only did it for a brief time to get out of the black. The thing about the disordered is that they can split you back the other way rather quickly. So I went from black to white in about a week. Since then, it's just been cordial, polite, and civil with only limited contact regarding the kids.

There is a very real possibility that she could quickly split me black again, so I am very careful with my texts and personal conversations (which have been very limited now).


----------



## Chuck71

Bullwinkle said:


> SmallSteps, I hear you about women not using PMS as an excuse for bad behavior but in my case, I could set a watch to it. I actually kept a calendar so I could anticipate the irrational behavior and the incredible anger.


but BW, when August came last year, you marked 30 of the 31 days

where's the risk of skill in that


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> I disagree. I am further along than you think.
> 
> You can say the focus has been focused on Crazy and you might be right... But the objective for the most part has been on how to deal with this lunatic.
> 
> Moving along slowly, but headed in the right direction.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Group.....you have traveled several galaxies

your slower pace most likely is to make sure you are

agreeable to yourself, in each choice you make

it's the journey, not the destination

keep doing what you are doing


----------



## Chuck71

Group pop told me long time ago, life is a mind game. he was right

staying two steps ahead of her is not focusing on her

the field of play would be drastically different if D4 was not involved

pop also said "wiggle easy until your head is out of the lion's mouth"

as 3x says, saying something does not indicate you mean it

but GP is right, drama will be around no matter what

line up your chess pieces

it is better to lose a battle

but win the war


----------



## PeaceTrain

ReGroup said:


> Together: 9.5 Years
> Living Together: 6 Years
> Married: 4 Years
> Daughter: 4 Years Old
> Separated: 05/2012
> 
> My wife and I separated back in May of this year.
> 
> I received the “I think we need a break” and “let’s take time apart - to work on us” speal.
> We had been having issues for several months if not a year - both being vocal about it to each other. Naïve as I was (probably still am), I responded back with: What’s the purpose of this separation? We are going to work on our relationship right? Right?
> She responded by assuring me that we would start going on dates and pump life back into our marriage.
> 
> I left the apartment… Her name was the only one on the lease and I really wanted things to cool down. Yes, big mistake. I should have checked my legal options
> We were fighting constantly. – But this is my wife! She wouldn’t do anything wrong to me! – so I thought at the time.
> I moved into a relative’s place and have been there ever since – spending time with my daughter and sometimes with each other (wife and I) - mostly on weekends. We agreed that we wouldn’t date other people – or that’s what I thought.
> 
> We’ve been intimate during our separation and enjoy each other’s company: bars, clubs, ball games, weddings, dinners, movies, etc… but something was feeling off; It didn’t feel right. She didn’t want to have deep and constructive conversations about our issues, future, and marriage. She kept complaining about a “lack of emotional connection”. That I wasn’t showing and/or was not being consistent enough. I was jumping through hoops fellas, that was me… shooting at a moving target.
> 
> We were your typical couple: Ups and Down… Nothing that sticks out like a sour thumb – but it felt for some time that we weren’t maturing as a couple. We were horrible problem solvers, held grudges, made-up w/o addressing the core issues etc… She did most of the yelling, insults – while I did the withdrawing.
> 
> We could probably create a list of pages of complaints about one another if we really wanted to: I am not the most affectionate individual in the world – She’s got anger problems; just to name a couple. No Physical Abuse, Addiction, and certainly no (physical) infidelity that I knew of at the time.
> 
> Intimacy was becoming an issue. We weren’t jack-rabbits but things were ok in the past - it certainly tailed off back in May. (Yes, red flag)
> 
> Since moving out I’ve gone through all the stages: Self Blame, Denial, Acceptance, Anger, Passing Depression…
> I sought IC (weekly ever since), went hard at the gym for the first 3 months (dropped off), spent months reading books, reading TAM, talking to people in my situation, talking to relatives, etc… During the time of the separation I have done serious self-reflection, addressing the BS that I brought to the table: I lie (stupid lies), I withdrawal at times, I kept my emotions in – instead of being vocal , moody sometimes, never established proper boundaries… Nice Guy as referred to in the NNMNG Book. I am by no means the perfect husband… and many of her beefs with me are valid.
> 
> My wife used the time to blame me for everything, party on occasion, and distance herself from this marriage bit by bit.
> 
> Veteran TAM’ers know where this is headed!
> 
> After I left, flags were all over the place: Password on phone, keeping phone at arms-length, constant blame-shifting, rewriting of relationship history, shady behavior, limited affection and intimacy (not the pre separation norm) etc…
> Discovery of an EA/PA occurred during the Summer. I discovered a text on her phone from her co-worker stating: I love you. I showed her what I found and she went ballistic in anger. After showing indifference to her response, she went the crying route… pleading we address our relationship via Marriage Counseling. I demanded NC and she said yes. (I didn’t verify folks and there was No Transparency!) 2x4 worthy for sure!
> 2 weeks later she sat me down for dinner and wanted to reinvest and commit back into the marriage.
> 
> You guessed it – I went along for the ride and signed up for MC in early August. During the sessions it was a one-side bash fest. No core issues were discussed, even though I tried to steer the sessions in that direction… It was painful. I would leave the sessions shaken. I was a glutton for punishment and stayed the course till late September.
> 
> Why MC wasn’t working? Yup, the co-worker was still on the scene.
> 
> I was late posting my story, but I’ve seen what you guys have done for other people… I'm hoping for the same.
> I am NOT trying to get my wife back. I want to work on ME.
> I don’t hate my wife, I wish her the best of luck… I am letting her go. It’s about my daughter and I right now.
> 
> I let her Cake-Eat, I allowed myself to be a doormat, I did not put my foot down, etc… This is all on me. I’m no victim. I allowed her to do this before and during our separation. Now it’s time to do something different. I want to understand what happened and prevent it from happening again.
> 
> I’m going to continue recording my journey – I want you guys to come along for the ride. I know I’m not out of the woods yet.


Oh boy. I know it has been a while and I just started reading the thread. I will keep reading.

I been here a lot, but did not have the energy to write my story. Looks like I don't have to. I could ride on this.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Thanks, Peacetrain, I still remember the first day Group posted that. Reminded me of me so much.

You've come really long way, GP.


----------



## ReGroup

PeaceTrain said:


> Oh boy. I know it has been a while and I just started reading the thread. I will keep reading.
> 
> I been here a lot, but did not have the energy to write my story. Looks like I don't have to. I could ride on this.


Welcome aboard PT.

Makes me cringe reading that opening.

I am not that person anymore.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Welcome aboard PT.
> 
> Makes me cringe reading that opening.
> 
> I am not that person anymore.


No you are not:smthumbup:balding showstealer


----------



## Chuck71

well spoken Group

Survivor - I'm Not That Man Anymore (live) - YouTube


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> No you are not:smthumbup:balding showstealer


CHEAP, balding, show stealer

Have to admit, our favorite FAN mentions Mrs. ReGroup's anger issues in the first post.

You don't say?


----------



## Bullwinkle

Group, can't you do something to really set her off like the time in the school parking lot? It would really mean a lot to us.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> CHEAP, balding, show stealer
> 
> Have to admit, our favorite FAN mentions Mrs. ReGroup's anger issues in the first post.
> 
> You don't say?


I'm waiting on my FAN jersey

L

#87

can I have QL on the sleeve


----------



## Chuck71

Bullwinkle said:


> Group, can't you do something to really set her off like the time in the school parking lot? It would really mean a lot to us.


tell her you are dating a shemale

that would be good for a level 3 blow up

and 12 IC sessions


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I’m going to continue recording my journey – I want you guys to come along for the ride. *I know I’m not out of the woods yet.*


LOL...


----------



## Mavash.

Great job RG. You're handling this beautifully. 

Oh and she did probably pay a registration fee.....to the OTHER school.


----------



## tom67

Mavash. said:


> Great job RG. You're handling this beautifully.
> 
> Oh and she did probably pay a registration fee.....to the OTHER school.


You are an idiot because you didn't read her mind.


----------



## Tron

RG,

Interested in what new school your STBX found for your DD.

Do you have any idea at this point?


----------



## ReGroup

Tron said:


> RG,
> 
> Interested in what new school your STBX found for your DD.
> 
> Do you have any idea at this point?


No idea Tron.

I don't know which daycare she's in this Summer.
I don't know where they live.
I don't know where they went on their 7 day vacation in the first week of July.
I don't know what school she's attending.

Yet, she's stressing better communication. 

I tried to open up to the idea as detailed on Saturday's Post - but she shot her own idea down by saying "you are unable to communicate effectively". 

Hoping for her to realize that she's just as awful is a pipe dream - for me.


----------



## BWBill

Couple of things:


Ask your attorney why you have to pay tuition if you have no say in the school. It's not right that she doesn't even have to tell you where your daughter is.

You're doing great remaining calm and steady. You can't flatter her enough to shut her up. She'll always have more stuff to pull out of her bag.

When your daughter relays what her mom says, just make sure she understands that you love her and you'll always be her dad. One day she will understand.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> No idea Tron.
> 
> I don't know which daycare she's in this Summer.
> I don't know where they live.
> I don't know where they went on their 7 day vacation in the first week of July.
> I don't know what school she's attending.
> 
> Yet, she's stressing better communication.
> 
> I tried to open up to the idea as detailed on Saturday's Post - but she shot her own idea down by saying "you are unable to communicate effectively".
> 
> Hoping for her to realize that she's just as awful is a pipe dream - for me.


:banghead::banghead:You tried to be a mature coparent. Time to straighten her @rse in court.


----------



## coachman

Give her what she wants RG:

:moon::whip:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Great article by Chumplady today. Somewhat relevant to the topic at hand...co-parenting.

http://chumplady.com/2013/07/the-unending-punishment-of-breeding-with-a-****tard/

edit: apparently the link doesn't take you to the article. Just go to her home page. It's titled "The Unending Punishment of Breeding with a Fvcktard"

Heh.


----------



## somethingnewmaybe

Epic title


----------



## Pbartender

ThreeStrikes said:


> Great article by Chumplady today. Somewhat relevant to the topic at hand...co-parenting.
> 
> http://chumplady.com/2013/07/the-unending-punishment-of-breeding-with-a-****tard/
> 
> edit: apparently the link doesn't take you to the article. Just go to her home page. It's titled "The Unending Punishment of Breeding with a Fvcktard"
> 
> Heh.


Or, replace the asterisks with the relevant word.


----------



## Pam

It really bothers me that you don't know where they are living. What if something happens to Crazy? Is D4 old enough to know how to get in touch with you? 

That's scary.


----------



## karole

Talk to your attorney about updating your divorce decree to include language that the custodial parent must notify the other parent of any changes in residence, schools, etc. of the child. Also, if either parent intends to take the child out-of-state, notification must be given in writing to the other parent at least ten days before the planned trip.


----------



## LongWalk

There once was an adulterous young mutha
who had a tongue like ghetto brotha.
"No evil sperm in me!
"I am azz nozzle free!"
Her husband laughed: "A las she do belong to anotha."


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> There once was an adulterous young mutha
> who had a tongue like ghetto brotha.
> "No evil sperm in me!
> "I am azz nozzle free!"
> Her husband laughed: "A las she do belong to anotha."


We're going to need another T-shirt.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> We're going to need another T-shirt.


He's a poet didn't know it. Sorry not as good as swedish/canadian rap. Good one LW.


----------



## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> There once was an adulterous young mutha
> who had a tongue like ghetto brotha.
> "No evil sperm in me!
> "I am azz nozzle free!"
> Her husband laughed: "A las she do belong to anotha."


How long did it take you to come up with that lol!!!


----------



## LongWalk

smallsteps said:


> How long did it take you to come up with that lol!!!


Smallsteps, this was a challenge, I'll admit it took 24 hours. I had something rather different but was not satisfied.

I had a breakthrough late yesterday evening. I was playing YouTube videos with D15 late into night. I found a cool French accordion player who does Bach well. At the very end I played her Procul Harem and after that I remembered

Captain and Tennille Love Will Keep Us Together

When I played this I realized that even way back then Black American music culture was the spark to US popular music that mainstream White America loved. Listen to this song and you can hear that the her delivery of the lyrics have a Black vernacular strength. She didn't write the lyrics but they too have this possible interpretation.

I realized that Mrs RG gutter language could easily have filtered up from the hood. And so even an uptight half White guy like me could imagine how she speaks. I'll bet she is passionate and insistent in her emotional overflow. It must have been strange to RG to see her interact with normal people and conceal her feelings to be functional.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> Smallsteps, this was a challenge, I'll admit. It took 24 hours. I had something rather different but was not satisfied.
> 
> I had a breakthrough late yesterday evening. I was playing YouTube videos with D15 late into night. I found a cool French accordion player who does Bach well. At the very end I played her Procul Harem and after that I remembered
> 
> Captain and Tennille Love Will Keep Us Together
> 
> When I played this I realized that even way back then Black American music culture was the spark to US popular music that mainstream White America loved. Listen to this song and you can hear that the her delivery of the lyrics have a Black vernacular strength. She didn't write the lyrics but they too have this possible interpretation.
> 
> I realized that Mrs RG gutter language could easily have filtered up from the hood. And so even an uptight half White guy like me could imagine how she speaks. I'll bet she is passionate and insistent in her emotional overflow. It must have been strange to RG to see her interact with normal people and conceal her feelings to be functional.


That was a dope flow!

She was raised in Upstate NY - her father was from the city, so was her mother. They are both rough around the edges and moved upstate for the kids.

I was born in Harlem and raised in Upper Manhattan: drugs, gangs, violence, etc...

I am of Dominican Descent - you know birth place to: Robinson Cano, Albert Pujols, Pedro Martinez, David Ortiz, etc...

In the 80s the saying was always: either you become a baseball player or a drug dealer.

That has changed though as the opportunity to get a higher education opened up.

Though our community was/is laced with all that sh*t, my mother shielded me from all of that. My father and brother weren't as lucky.

She always said: If you don't bother them, they won't bother you. Keep it moving.

My mother did a better job of raising us than Mrs. RG's parents. 

Nevertheless, I want to move out of my area. No place to raise a kid - it's just asking for trouble. Even though I am well known and respected in my area. Can't leave it to chance.

Don't understand how she has such a foul mouth and I dont. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

Wow LW what an explination!! Good theory on the song especially since Neil sedaka wrote it and toni tennille had a southern accent when she spoke from what I remember.


----------



## smallsteps

Hey RG there are 4 other boroughs - Jersey- upstate NY & Connecticut you have plenty of places to chose from.

Oh and the reason you don't have such a foul mouth and she does? Your mother must have taught you RESPECT.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Quite a story, Group, your mother did right by you. And dood reference to Big Papi.


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Hey RG there are 4 other boroughs - Jersey- upstate NY & Connecticut you have plenty of places to chose from.
> 
> Oh and the reason you don't have such a foul mouth and she does? Your mother must have taught you RESPECT.


I am thinking Upstate! For 2014.

SS, being that you are a fan of The Evil Empire.

What's going on with YOUR boy Aroid?

Why doesn't he cop a plea and collect 60 mil?
Instead he wants to appeal and risk being banned for life and walk out with 0.

I hope The Yankees never recover from this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BURNT KEP

ReGroup said:


> I am thinking Upstate! For 2014.
> 
> SS, being that you are a fan of The Evil Empire.
> 
> What's going on with YOUR boy Aroid?
> 
> Why doesn't he cop a plea and collect 60 mil?
> Instead he wants to appeal and risk being banned for life and walk out with 0.
> 
> I hope The Yankees never recover from this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you mean cop a plea and collect 60 mil? If he get suspended he does not collect anything. Also the best thing for the Yanks is a lifetime ban they could use that money for something better than a washed up road addict.


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> That was a dope flow!
> 
> She was raised in Upstate NY - her father was from the city, so was her mother. They are both rough around the edges and moved upstate for the kids.
> 
> I was born in Harlem and raised in Upper Manhattan: drugs, gangs, violence, etc...
> 
> I am of Dominican Descent - you know birth place to: Robinson Cano, Albert Pujols, Pedro Martinez, David Ortiz, etc...
> 
> In the 80s the saying was always: either you become a baseball player or a drug dealer.
> 
> That has changed though as the opportunity to get a higher education opened up.
> 
> Though our community was/is laced with all that sh*t, my mother shielded me from all of that. My father and brother weren't as lucky.
> 
> She always said: If you don't bother them, they won't bother you. Keep it moving.
> 
> My mother did a better job of raising us than Mrs. RG's parents.
> 
> Nevertheless, I want to move out of my area. No place to raise a kid - it's just asking for trouble. Even though I am well known and respected in my area. Can't leave it to chance.
> 
> Don't understand how she has such a foul mouth and I dont. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


NYC is a cool place at certain time in life. My brother went to Columbia in the 80s. One time some dorm mate say a nice carpet rolled up by the garbage cans and thought they check to see if it was salvageable. The cut the rope and body fell out.

Twice I had a car window smashed out by, I presume addicts, looking for the radio hidden under the newspaper on the floor of the passenger seat. God, was I naive.

My uncle was a bartender on Wall St and a gambling man in Chinatown. When the restaurant went bust he worked as a bookie for the mafia. My cousin worked there one summer and my uncle's Italian friends took them out on boat, from which they shot cans and bottles floating in the water.

One night he was stabbed and robbed outside the door of his Staten Island apartment. His wife was robbed, too. 

Another cousin his sister actually lived in a roach infested apartment in Chinatown for a couple of years. She moved to LA to her husband could pursue his Hollywood dreams. Just heard he ran away with another woman, leaving her with the troublesome skateboarding teenage boys.

Another friend, a piano tuner hippy martial artist lifted in Brooklyn was cycling home across the bridge one evening and a Black kid hiding on the side whacked him on the head to try and rob him. Piano man was an animal he chased the boy town and held him out over the river to face death. Let him go but was a good lesson.

No, NYC is not for everybody and not for a lifetime.

Someday I'll pass through and if you're still there we'll have brew IRL.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I am thinking Upstate! For 2014.
> 
> SS, being that you are a fan of The Evil Empire.
> 
> What's going on with YOUR boy Aroid?
> 
> Why doesn't he cop a plea and collect 60 mil?
> Instead he wants to appeal and risk being banned for life and walk out with 0.
> 
> I hope The Yankees never recover from this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I lived upstate in Sloatsburg and then in Suffern.


----------



## tom67

I heard the yankees can't spend more than 168 million because under the new aggreement if they do they can lose draft picks. The gm cashman threw the owner under the bus by saying he didn't want soriano hank steinbrenner did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BURNT KEP

tom67 said:


> I heard the yankees can't spend more than 168 million because under the new aggreement if they do they can lose draft picks. The gm cashman threw the owner under the bus by saying he didn't want soriano hank steinbrenner did.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The number being tossed around is 189 million. If they go over that the tax will be huge. Anything over that and they would pay a 50% tax I am not sure about the draft picks I never heard that one.


----------



## tom67

I'll check it out when I'm in the office in a few.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

BURNT KEP said:


> What do you mean cop a plea and collect 60 mil? If he get suspended he does not collect anything. Also the best thing for the Yanks is a lifetime ban they could use that money for something better than a washed up road addict.


It's being thrown around that if he takes the plea he'll be suspended for the remainder of 2013 and 2014. He'll be activated for 2015. He'll have 2 years left on the contract: 60 Mil I think.

If he keeps threatening to appeal, Selig will attempt to ban him for life. And he'll be owed: 0.

Either way, I am enjoying the Arod show.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> I lived upstate in Sloatsburg and then in Suffern.


I work in West Nyack and checking out Suffern.


----------



## BURNT KEP

ReGroup said:


> It's being thrown around that if he takes the plea he'll be suspended for the remainder of 2013 and 2014. He'll be activated for 2015. He'll have 2 years left on the contract: 60 Mil I think.
> 
> If he keeps threatening to appeal, Selig will attempt to ban him for life. And he'll be owed: 0.
> 
> Either way, I am enjoying the Arod show.


Just checking at his contract and he will make 40 mill for his last2 years. He has incentives for reaching certain home run marks. So he does stand to lose a lot if he is suspended either way. My opinion is he should try and retire due to injury and collect it all and just disappear. As for enjoying this hey whatever I guess if your team has not won or been in contention in a long while what else is there to enjoy.:rofl:


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I am thinking Upstate! For 2014.
> 
> SS, being that you are a fan of The Evil Empire.
> 
> What's going on with YOUR boy Aroid?
> 
> Why doesn't he cop a plea and collect 60 mil?
> Instead he wants to appeal and risk being banned for life and walk out with 0.
> 
> I hope The Yankees never recover from this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because hes a narcissic - self righteous - pompous a$$. I never liked him in the first place and thought the Yankees were stupid for giving him that contract a couple of years ago. He wasn't worth it.


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> Because hes a narcissic - self righteous - pompous a$$. I never liked him in the first place and thought the Yankees were stupid for giving him that contract a couple of years ago. He wasn't worth it.


:iagree:Both Selig and Arod deserve each other.:lol:


----------



## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> One night he was stabbed and robbed outside the door of his Staten Island apartment. His wife was robbed, too.


Hey I'm from SI. It depended on where you lived. Its changed though now. We moved to Jersey 10 yrs ago.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> :iagree:Both Selig and Arod deserve each other.:lol:


A-Roid needs to go away.


----------



## Chuck71

Selig knew about PED use in the early 90's, did nothing

right after he removed Vincent from office 

we had the 1994 strike...could have been avoided

many fans turned away never to fully return

the fans want home run said Selig

he reminds me of Putin

'I just gave you what you wanted'


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> Selig knew about PED use in the early 90's, did nothing
> 
> right after he removed Vincent from office
> 
> we had the 1994 strike...could have been avoided
> 
> many fans turned away never to fully return
> 
> the fans want home run said Selig
> 
> he reminds me of Putin
> 
> 'I just gave you what you wanted'


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## vi_bride04

Baseball talk?? Ugh - I thought MrsRG was going to provide some entertainment this morning...


----------



## zillard

vi_bride04 said:


> Baseball talk?? Ugh - I thought MrsRG was going to provide some entertainment this morning...


There's no crying in baseball.


----------



## LongWalk

I have seen several threads in which soccer coaches became APs. Running clubs also can be hazardous. So far, nothing about baseball, little league or professional.

Bride tell us stories about Michigan.


----------



## PieceOfSky

ThreeStrikes said:


> OK. Good job here. The prickly point will be if she starts expecting you to* always* bend to her schedule. Which, given her past behavior, will most likely happen.
> 
> Once again, this re-inforces the need for a court order.
> 
> Note to divorcees: Plan your life around pick-ups and drop-offs.


Sorry to comment while still pages to go to catch up, but I will do so anyways.

I think it would be a good idea to track each request for schedule deviation, how it was made, what alleged reason was, how the other responded, and why if you know.

That is, keep a contemporaneous log..

I guarantee she will complain about whatever it is you have done, and your own sanity will benefit if you have a contemporaneous log to look back on for perspective.


----------



## LongWalk

smallsteps said:


> Wow LW what an explination!! Good theory on the song especially since Neil sedaka wrote it and toni tennille had a southern accent when she spoke from what I remember.


Smallsteps, if you listen, you can detect Black English in delivery, not too heavy but it's there
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> Smallsteps, if you listen, you can detect Black English in delivery, not too heavy but it's there
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It was my sisters favorite song when we were little kids growing up (1975-1976 I believe) that song is burned into my head. You're right the dialect is there - its going through my head right now.

Great and I'm getting ready to go to sleep with this song stuck in my head!!!!!


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> It was my sisters favorite song when we were little kids growing up (1975-1976 I believe) that song is burned into my head. You're right the dialect is there - its going through my head right now.
> 
> Great and I'm getting ready to go to sleep with this song stuck in my head!!!!!


Or worse how about skyhigh by jigsaw.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> Or worse how about skyhigh by jigsaw.


Never heard that one - had to look it up on you tube - that IS worse!!!!!!

Wait - what about anything by kc and the sunshine band? Lol!!


----------



## tom67

Disco baby!


----------



## tom67

I-sigh-liked this one as a kid Michael Martin Murphey's WILDFIRE - Classic 1975 - Slideshow Tribute - YouTube


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> Disco baby!


Hahaha!!! Oh God the songs running through my head!!
I'm never going to be able to fall asleep!!!


----------



## tom67

I'd Really Love to See You Tonight - YouTube


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> I-sigh-liked this one as a kid Michael Martin Murphey's WILDFIRE - Classic 1975 - Slideshow Tribute - YouTube


This one made me cry all the time when I was a kid.

I liked sister golden hair by America. Mom was into the eagles so I remember a lot of that playing around the house too.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> I'd Really Love to See You Tonight - YouTube


I like that one.


----------



## tom67

BARRY WHITE & Love Unlimited Orchestra - Love's Theme - YouTube


----------



## tom67

America - A horse with no name (clip HQ) - YouTube


----------



## tom67

How deep is your love (sub español) - YouTube


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> How deep is your love (sub español) - YouTube


The bee gees lol!! Sorry tom - fell asleep after really love to see you tonight.

Sorry for hijacking your thread last night RG but we were here and you weren't using it and....so... you know.....ummm.... thanks.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I work in West Nyack and checking out Suffern.


It's got a train stop and a nice little downtown.

Really enjoyed it there.

I still have a couple of pieces from Suffern Furniture.


----------



## Conrad

Conrad said:


>


It's Friday...

Let's get down to business.


----------



## Chuck71

lol Friday?

What state are you in?


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> lol Friday?
> 
> What state are you in?


Show Me State, surprised?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Chuck71 said:


> lol Friday?
> 
> What state are you in?


He's like a kid waiting for his favorite cartoon to start :rofl:


----------



## Bullwinkle

I had forgotten about the ass notch thing. best insult of 2013.


----------



## tom67

Have a nice weekend! Oh darn that Conrad.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> He's like a kid waiting for his favorite cartoon to start :rofl:


If you can't laugh at this stuff, it will eat you alive.


----------



## smallsteps

Conrad said:


> If you can't laugh at this stuff, it will eat you alive.


Ain't that the truth!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

The idea that an azz nozzle could have notches is too revolting for another limerick.

Going to play Sister golden hair surprize for daughters
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> lol Friday?
> 
> What state are you in?


Hey, I've got a 3 day weekend.

Anticipation is the spice of life!


----------



## Bullwinkle

Revolting yet fascinating. Like buying bloodstained suits from a horrible train wreck.


----------



## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> The idea that an azz nozzle could have notches is too revolting for another limerick.
> 
> Going to play Sister golden hair surprize for daughters
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes please leave that one alone, that has the potential of going very wrong lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Show Me State, surprised?


No, I knew you lived in Hollyweird


----------



## Chuck71

2013 World Series Pirates vs. Royals

stranger things have happened

Example

ex bought treadmill in 2006

by 2008 it had more dust than Oklahoma in 1934


----------



## Ceegee

Been out a couple days reading Shamwow's thread. OMG, she makes MrsRG, MrsCeegee and Frostine look like girlscouts.

MrsRG is going to do something today...I can feel it. 

Jersey's on.


----------



## vi_bride04

IT'S FRIDAY B!TCHES!!!!!! *time to sit back and get the popcorn and wait for todays crazy*


----------



## tom67

vi_bride04 said:


> IT'S FRIDAY B!TCHES!!!!!! *time to sit back and get the popcorn and wait for todays crazy*


Bring it on!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> 2013 World Series Pirates vs. Royals
> 
> stranger things have happened
> 
> Example
> 
> ex bought treadmill in 2006
> 
> by 2008 it had more dust than Oklahoma in 1934


It was either a treadmill or double-wide windows.


----------



## LongWalk

Ceegee said:


> Been out a couple days reading Shamwow's thread. OMG, she makes MrsRG, MrsCeegee and Frostine look like girlscouts.
> 
> MrsRG is going to do something today...I can feel it.
> 
> Jersey's on.


Shamwow's thread is great. I think his ex understood she had f'd up her own life. She sure shares some similarities. Mrs Ceegee is more of mystery. Didn't you nuke your thread?

Shamwow's forgiveness was masterful. I wish BW would read that thread. Mrs RG is not as evil, just makes her crazy funnier.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



LongWalk said:


> Shamwow's thread is great. I think his ex understood she had f'd up her own life. She sure shares some similarities. Mrs Ceegee is more of mystery. Didn't you nuke your thread?
> 
> Shamwow's forgiveness was masterful. I wish BW would read that thread. Mrs RG is not as evil, just makes her crazy funnier.


Sham forgave her?


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Been out a couple days reading Shamwow's thread. OMG, she makes MrsRG, MrsCeegee and Frostine look like girlscouts.
> 
> MrsRG is going to do something today...I can feel it.
> 
> Jersey's on.


When he sent those panties to the lab, you could hear everyone reading the thread hold their collective breath.


----------



## LongWalk

Lifescript said:


> Sham forgave her?


No spoiler from me
Actually what happened was complex
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Everybody should PM Eric for an update. Also, a great thread
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Hope showstealer didn't take a foul ball in the noots. Maybe silence is golden?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> When he sent those panties to the lab, you could hear everyone reading the thread hold their collective breath.


I'm not done yet. Reading it mostly at work. I haven't heard the panty test results yet.

It's truly an epic thread and not surprising why he's left it up for the last couple of years. Plenty to learn here.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



LongWalk said:


> No spoiler from me
> Actually what happened was complex
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL, ok.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Hope showstealer didn't take a foul ball in the noots. Maybe silence is golden?


She likely showed up in a trench coat.


----------



## Lifescript

Caught up on Sham's thread. Glad he had a red ending.


----------



## GutPunch

Rise and shine, get your jerseys on it's game day! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

i sense a double header today, one with extra innings....


----------



## 06Daddio08

Hopefully things are in a more positive light and you all will be disappointed to hear he's doing great!


----------



## Conrad

Chinstraps buckled here:

Group - report in:


----------



## Ceegee

06Daddio08 said:


> Hopefully things are in a more positive light and you all will be disappointed to hear he's doing great!


Hope so too for RG's sake. 

But we all know its not likely. Not yet. 

The more time in between flare ups the bigger the explosion.


----------



## Seesaw

Looking for a sponsor for your shirts, Conrad?

I'm sure Mrs RG was just making a supper suggestion! Here in the UK they are pretty popular.

Mine's a large please.


----------



## Tron

Seesaw said:


> Looking for a sponsor for your shirts, Conrad?
> 
> I'm sure Mrs RG was just making a supper suggestion! Here in the UK they are pretty popular.
> 
> Mine's a large please.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Group had an exchange this weekend.

Do we feel jilted?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Group had an exchange this weekend.
> 
> Do we feel jilted?


I know we joke about it but I really hope he gets a court ordered schedule and finds someone who isn't batshyt crazy and moves on. We all wish him the best this has to stop-he can stop it.


----------



## Tron

Ha, Damn iPhone. I must admit, that was some brilliant prose.

Did he even have his little girl this weekend?

Maybe he finally got some.


----------



## tom67

Tron said:


> Ha, Damn iPhone. I must admit, that was some brilliant prose.
> 
> Did he even have his little girl this weekend?
> 
> Maybe he finally got some.


One can only hope:smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## Chuck71

maybe she fixed her hair with his balding head

either way, we all know Group stole the show


----------



## smallsteps

Conrad said:


> Group had an exchange this weekend.
> 
> Do we feel jilted?


 It was mind blowing listening to his re cap of their exchanges, but there really was a dark side to them. Hopefully he can find some peace for himself and his D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Waiting on the verdict on AFraud

in his defense, Bud (Moe Howard) Selig has dragged this out too far

sitting on his throne barking innuendos 

if he had any ballz he would have slammed the gavel and said 'hate it for ya guys

accept it or appeal....if you appeal and lose, suspension is doubled

he is a used car salesman....very fitting

How is this imbecile commish when a decade ago he wanted to contract

the Angels and Twins but not "his" Brewers

Angels went on to become WS champs THAT YEAR

all the Twins did is either make the playoffs or end the season in a tie forcing a playoff

in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2006, 2008, 2009, 2010

the Brewers? They posted a 56-106 mark in 2002.


----------



## smallsteps

They're already saying Selig is going to let him play through the appeals process. Girardi has him penciled in tonight. It's going to be a joke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

i want him to play......just to show how his skills have deteriorated 

to lift the curtain on his shame

if he never played again we would hear over and over

"i would have done this and that but you wouldn't let me play"

He and his agent knew something was going to happen in 2007

had he not opted out of the 10 year / $252 million, it expired after 2010

he was clearly showing wear and tear....would the NYY resign him @ 25 mil? 

No freaking way

So he duped NYY into one more scam

Interesting article from October of last year...will post


----------



## Conrad

You know, the longer Group's silence persists, I'm beginning to suspect some "Brujerian" witchcraft.


----------



## Chuck71

YIKES! 3:00 EST AFraud suspension will be announced


----------



## smallsteps

Conrad said:


> You know, the longer Group's silence persists, I'm beginning to suspect some "Brujerian" witchcraft.


Hope not - poor guy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

Chuck71 said:


> He and his agent knew something was going to happen in 2007
> 
> had he not opted out of the 10 year / $252 million, it expired after 2010
> 
> he was clearly showing wear and tear....would the NYY resign him @ 25 mil?
> So he duped NYY into one more scam
> Interesting article from October of last year...will post


No kidding. He knew the team was in chaos because that was the point they had Hank Steinbrenner involved in the decisions. You notice after that happened Hank disappeared? Boras knew exactly what he was doing.

C'mon RG - you love a good stick it to the Yankees story. You have to be loving today!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

This silence is a little unnerving...


----------



## Nucking Futs

Ceegee said:


> This silence is a little unnerving...


OMG! I bet he's in R!

This is my second ridiculous post in a row tonight. Maybe I should go to bed.


----------



## zillard

If anything like me he's just havin fun.

The sh!t is what we want to share. The fun is what we want to keep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

I did hear some rumors about suicidal Mets' fans.

But, I reiterate, they were just rumors.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> I did hear some rumors about suicidal Mets' fans.
> 
> But, I reiterate, they were just rumors.


Nah ... Mets playing ok. The witch has something to do with this. 

Or ... he could be somewhere in the caribbean with an upgrade.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Nah ... Mets playing ok. The witch has something to do with this.
> 
> Or ... he could be somewhere in the caribbean with an upgrade.


Can you text him?


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Can you text him?


I never got his #.


----------



## Ceegee

Somebody call the PD. Put out an APB for RG. 

Description: fat, balding, cheap, show-stealing FAN.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Somebody call the PD. Put out an APB for RG.
> 
> Description: fat, balding, cheap, show-stealing FAN.












If he was a troll, he belongs in the troll Hall of Fame.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ceegee said:


> Somebody call the PD. Put out an APB for RG.
> 
> Description: fat, balding, cheap, show-stealing FAN.


Someone needs to make a troll account to entertain the TAM masses.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Everyone relax, he's just a few days into R and deep in the hysterical bonding.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Nucking Futs said:


> Everyone relax, he's just a few days into R and deep in the hysterical bonding.


They've just taken the pregnancy test and she's pregnant!


----------



## Pbartender

Come on, guys... Fat, balding, cheap, show-stealing FANs don't have a whole lot of roughage. She's probably just constipated. We've got to give her a few days to digest him and **** him back out.

Then we'll hear from him, I'm sure.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I work in West Nyack and checking out Suffern.


Days since RG's last post: 8


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> I work in West Nyack and checking out Suffern.


And I live in Valley Cottage and before that Blauvelt.

What a coincidence. I have been a resident of Rockland for over 46 years.

We are going to have that beer soon ReGroup.

That is if we can find you or the STBXW releases you!

HM


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> And I live in Valley Cottage and before that Blauvelt.
> 
> What a coincidence. I have been a resident of Rockland for over 46 years.
> 
> We are going to have that beer soon ReGroup.
> 
> That is if we can find you or the STBXW releases you!
> 
> HM


Happy,

What is the current fee to park at Rockland Lake?


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> Happy,
> 
> What is the current fee to park at Rockland Lake?


Lol Conrad. You just made me laugh. That question you asked me proves just how much a Rocklander you were.....

I believe it is $8 now. I never park there because I live about 5 blocks up Lake Rd.

I just jog there or park at the local elementary school.

Thanks for the chuckle.

All Rocklanders hate parking there because of that state fee.


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> Lol Conrad. You just made me laugh. That question you asked me proves just how much a Rocklander you were.....
> 
> I believe it is $8 now. I never park there because I live about 5 blocks up Lake Rd.
> 
> I just jog there or park at the local elementary school.
> 
> Thanks for the chuckle.
> 
> All Rocklanders hate parking there because of that state fee.


I used to park on the road and rollerblade in.

Of course, if it was/is after 4:30, no problem

Of course, they put up no parking zones on the road.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> I used to park on the road and rollerblade in.
> 
> Of course, if it was/is after 4:30, no problem
> 
> Of course, they put up no parking zones on the road.


At least you escaped these ridiculous taxes.

I still have a few years to go.


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> At least you escaped these ridiculous taxes.
> 
> I still have a few years to go.


When you tell average folk what those taxes are like, it takes their breath away.

I get the feeling they really don't believe me.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> When you tell average folk what those taxes are like, it takes their breath away.
> 
> I get the feeling they really don't believe me.


Some parts of downtown chicago are 12% sales tax parking rates are through the roof and illinois state tax more than doubled 2 years ago. It will be impossible in the near future for the state to pay even the interest rate with the state retirements they are mandated to pay.


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup?


----------



## smallsteps

LongWalk said:


> ReGroup?


Looks like he may have flown the coup. 

Maybe he's one of the big powerball lottery winners?


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> When you tell average folk what those taxes are like, it takes their breath away.
> 
> I get the feeling they really don't believe me.


I pay over $14k per year in property and school taxes.

Our police dept takes 25% of the tax revenue.

Just nuts.

The last ReGroup was on Tam was 8/2.


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> I pay over $14k per year in property and school taxes.
> 
> Our police dept takes 25% of the tax revenue.
> 
> Just nuts.
> 
> The last ReGroup was on Tam was 8/2.


It is crazy like the guy in the movie network "I'm as mad as [email protected] and I'm not going to take this anymore!'


----------



## LongWalk

smallsteps said:


> Looks like he may have flown the coup.
> 
> Maybe he's one of the big powerball lottery winners?


ReGroup would surely say goodbye if he were to quit TAM.


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> ReGroup would surely say goodbye if he were to quit TAM.


I hope so too!


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> ReGroup would surely say goodbye if he were to quit TAM.


Brujería - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## tom67

Frank Sinatra - Witchcraft - YouTube


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Frank Sinatra - Witchcraft - YouTube


It is Friday, after all.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> It is Friday, after all.


That used to be when the sh!t hit the fan no?


----------



## coachman

Jersey on. Here's to Mrs. RG bringing her A game today.


----------



## Ceegee

coachman said:


> Jersey on. Here's to Mrs. RG bringing her A game today.


I think she brought her A game last Friday. We haven't heard from RG since.

Of course, being the show-stealer RG is, he may just be sitting back and watching us wait in nervous anticipation until we just can't take it anymore and BAM! Hit us with a weeks worth of MrsRG's most vapid text rants to date.

That, or his corpse has been decaying in a field for over a week.


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> It is Friday, after all.


BREAKING NEWS! A balding Hispanic male was found dead in the Hudson River today wearing a torn Mets jersey. His estranged wife, a local school counselor, was found at the scene screaming obscenities at his body. She was immediately arrested and booked and is currently under psychiatric evaluation after continuing her tirade against every male police officer that responded.


----------



## tom67

Tron said:


> BREAKING NEWS! A balding Hispanic male was found dead in the Hudson River today wearing a torn Mets jersey. His estranged wife, a local school counselor, was found at the scene screaming obscenities at his body. She was immediately arrested and booked and is currently under psychiatric evaluation after continuing her tirade against every male police officer that responded.


RG was just on conrad's thread where's gutpunch:smthumbup:


----------



## tom67

So the balding evil sperm showstealer is back


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> So the balding evil sperm showstealer is back












Time to get down to business.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Time to get down to business.


I'll get the popcorn the show is about to start:whip:


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> I'll get the popcorn the show is about to start:whip:


Round up the rest of the ReGroupies.


----------



## ReGroup

Lol... Absolutely nothing to update.

I was scheduled to have my daughter last weekend and go to The Reading Program last Saturday but our daughter was sick the entire week. I of course found out on Friday. She asked whether I was ok keeping her - I said ok.

Everyone thinks it's a lie. Whatever. I had to take her word for it.

I took advantage of the weekend and did a lot of ME things.

I am feeling a real disconnect with my daughter - she's probably feeling the same.

I dread any interaction with her mother. Even calling my daughter is a challenge being that I have to call HER phone.

Had a productive week but it will all go to Hell tomorrow as I am attending the class tomorrow.

Feels like a Cold War.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

The things your feeling and going through are natural and as you said, nothing really going on. That's a good thing.

Glad to hear your vacation away from the TAM circus was because of life and nothing more.

Remember, it's great that it's starting to settle down. Use this time to work on reconnecting with your daughter.


----------



## Chuck71

it is a shame you have to be John Foster Dulles...

you once couldn't tell time with hands showing

then you could without the hands

you are at the point of controlling time

when ever you feel down....re read your thread

you have changed so many readers by your input


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol... Absolutely nothing to update.
> 
> I was scheduled to have my daughter last weekend and go to The Reading Program last Saturday but our daughter was sick the entire week. I of course found out on Friday. She asked whether I was ok keeping her - I said ok.
> 
> Everyone thinks it's a lie. Whatever. I had to take her word for it.
> 
> I took advantage of the weekend and did a lot of ME things.
> 
> I am feeling a real disconnect with my daughter - she's probably feeling the same.
> 
> I dread any interaction with her mother. Even calling my daughter is a challenge being that I have to call HER phone.
> 
> Had a productive week but it will all go to Hell tomorrow as I am attending the class tomorrow.
> 
> Feels like a Cold War.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Buy your daughter a phone.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Buy your daughter a phone.


Or do as the ex and I do and simply agree to hand the phone off to your daughter when it rings. No need to talk to the ex.


----------



## zillard

06Daddio08 said:


> Or do as the ex and I do and simply agree to hand the phone off to your daughter when it rings. No need to talk to the ex.


I did this.



Conrad said:


> Buy your daughter a phone.


Until I did this (child psych stressed this heavily).


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



06Daddio08 said:


> Or do as the ex and I do and simply agree to hand the phone off to your daughter when it rings. No need to talk to the ex.


I doubt that will work, Up. RG's ex is a looney. 

Nothing lost in trying though.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



zillard said:


> I did this.
> 
> 
> 
> Until I did this (child psych stressed this heavily).










Lifescript said:


> I doubt that will work, Up. RG's ex is a looney.
> 
> Nothing lost in trying though.


This is a great way to test the coparenting waters, as it's low conflict and an alternate solution (getting her a phone) is readily available.

If it doesn't work, easily walked away from. If it does, it's a good small step towards coparenting.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Buy your daughter a phone.


She's probably too young for a phone and mrs. RG will control it.

Waste of money at this point in the game.


----------



## tom67

Well I'll whip that dead caballo,time to take her to court.


----------



## coachman

ReGroup said:


> Lol... Absolutely nothing to update.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


(Taking jersey off):cussing:


----------



## tom67

coachman said:


> (Taking jersey off):cussing:


game postponed:rofl::rofl:


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> She's probably too young for a phone and mrs. RG will control it.
> 
> Waste of money at this point in the game.


I should have been more specific.

I want him to get his daughter a phone and practice with her when they're together.

Call her from the other room.

Have her call him - and have fun playing with it.

When she shows enough responsibility (maybe a year down the road), she can take it with her when she goes.

Of course, prior to that, we'll get the big blowup about "WTF are you buying her a phone for..."

And, the ReGroupies will all get to enjoy that.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Lol... Absolutely nothing to update.
> 
> I was scheduled to have my daughter last weekend and go to The Reading Program last Saturday but our daughter was sick the entire week. I of course found out on Friday. She asked whether I was ok keeping her - I said ok.
> 
> Everyone thinks it's a lie. Whatever. I had to take her word for it.
> 
> I took advantage of the weekend and did a lot of ME things.
> 
> I am feeling a real disconnect with my daughter - she's probably feeling the same.
> 
> I dread any interaction with her mother. Even calling my daughter is a challenge being that I have to call HER phone.
> 
> Had a productive week but it will all go to Hell tomorrow as I am attending the class tomorrow.
> 
> Feels like a Cold War.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



The only reason you've had any peace is because you haven't had to see your stbxw, only had phone contact.

Don't let her bait you tomorrow. If you must greet her a slight smile, slight tilt of the head and a hello is more than enough. Try to keep your distance and just nod and turn away if she creates a scene. 

Maybe it is time to put things in writing and make it official. Then she has to abide by what the court says and it means less interaction with her for you.

Good luck tomorrow.


----------



## Ceegee

06Daddio08 said:


> Or do as the ex and I do and simply agree to hand the phone off to your daughter when it rings. No need to talk to the ex.


MrsCeegee has the kids call me at 8:00 pm everyday. It has worked almost flawlessly. I have only spoken with her once this year and that was at a D meeting.

Sure she's missed a couple but it's worth it to not have to speak to her.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ceegee said:


> MrsCeegee has the kids call me at 8:00 pm everyday. It has worked almost flawlessly. I have only spoken with her once this year and that was at a D meeting.
> 
> Sure she's missed a couple but it's worth it to not have to speak to her.


It's a good system, our calls happen around 7:30. She too has missed calls or called after they have gone to bed and it goes straight to voicemail. Once the kids are sleeping, my phone goes on silent and if she wants to talk to them the next day that's fine.


----------



## Mavash.

This whole situation is sad.

How are you supposed to feel connected to someone you barely see?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> This whole situation is sad.
> 
> How are you supposed to feel connected to someone you barely see?


It is sad. 

Throw in PosOM in the mix - living with them and it's even worse.

I hope D4 over comes all the stuff that has been thrown at her at such an early age.


----------



## ReGroup

Imagine the conversations she'll be having with her classmates this coming year.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Imagine the conversations she'll be having with her classmates this coming year.


----------



## ReGroup

Is it possible for a person to subconsciously disconnect from his/her own kid(s) because of this type of situation.

It's sick just to type that - but F' it - we are here to learn.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Is it possible for a person to subconsciously disconnect from his/her own kid(s) because of this type of situation.
> 
> It's sick just to type that - but F' it - we are here to learn.


Are you mistaking disconnecting for grieving?


----------



## Ms. GP

First of all, I want to commend you on your honesty. That took guts dude to ask a question like that. I think the disconnect you feel is just plain and simple exhaustion from the chaos of her mother. Your human give yourself a break, do like your screen name says and take a minute to regroup, and move forward. You won't regret hanging in there for your daughter's sake.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Is it possible for a person to subconsciously disconnect from his/her own kid(s) because of this type of situation.
> 
> It's sick just to type that - but F' it - we are here to learn.


I get you RG. I feel the same when I go extended periods of time without seeing my kids. Once they come back though, it's like they never left. 

You just have to get used to it and make the most of every opportunity. 

This is something I still resent STBX for. That's something I still need to work on for my sake.


----------



## Ceegee

Oh, and another thing that's helps with this is to do something for them when they're not there.

Go out and buy them something they might want or need. Rearrange their room. Anything to keep the connection.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Is it possible for a person to subconsciously disconnect from his/her own kid(s) because of this type of situation.
> 
> It's sick just to type that - but F' it - we are here to learn.


I think yes you can. My friend who is brutality honest with me says she's feeling it with her kids. Her ex has money and is the fun parent. Her kids would rather be with him. 

She loves her kids but the bond isn't as strong as it once was.


----------



## somethingnewmaybe

I love my daughter just as much. Never changed a bit.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> I think yes you can. My friend who is brutality honest with me says she's feeling it with her kids. Her ex has money and is the fun parent. Her kids would rather be with him.
> 
> She loves her kids but the bond isn't as strong as it once was.


Kids eventually become adults. My cousin wasn't very close to my uncle after the divorce, her mother is all sorts of crazy and it messed up the father / daughter relationship.

Years later, they are closer than ever. She has / had her own issues from her parents divorcing but what they have now is a wonderful thing.


----------



## Chuck71

Mavash. said:


> I think yes you can. My friend who is brutality honest with me says she's feeling it with her kids. Her ex has money and is the fun parent. Her kids would rather be with him.
> 
> She loves her kids but the bond isn't as strong as it once was.


Christ that is very depressing......

makes me not want to have kids and have a farm


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Is it possible for a person to subconsciously disconnect from his/her own kid(s) because of this type of situation.
> 
> It's sick just to type that - but F' it - we are here to learn.


Could be self-preservation. Not allowing yourself to get too close because you know it will hurt more being away from her. 

Maybe?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Is it possible for a person to subconsciously disconnect from his/her own kid(s) because of this type of situation.
> 
> It's sick just to type that - but F' it - we are here to learn.


Ask Z's ex.


----------



## Ceegee

Lifescript said:


> Could be self-preservation. Not allowing yourself to get too close because you know it will hurt more being away from her.
> 
> Maybe?


Can't speak for RG but, for me, it's because after a while you realize you have to live your life. The kids simply are not a part of it each and every day any more.

You get interested in activities, hobbies, work, friends, new relationships. Things we have to do to stay sane. 

The kids - your family - are not involved in this on a day-to-day basis.

You don't want it to happen. You fight it. It just happens.


----------



## Ceegee

somethingnewmaybe said:


> I love my daughter just as much. Never changed a bit.


This has nothing to do with love for our children. That's not in question.


----------



## hope4family

I kinda understand regroup. 

Today was really hard on me. Being a full time Dad. DS2 didn't want to go with his mom at first. He literally clamped on to my leg and wouldn't approach her at all. 

I wish he could say whether or not he wants to stay or go. I assured him, and encouraged him to go, giving him off to his Mom. He did start to say goodbye. 

I'd be lying if that didn't effect me. I usually do very well when its her weekend. But after today's display of fear of separation. I can only say it's stuck with me like a heavy weight.


----------



## Conrad

If my sundial is accurate, there was a parenting class this AM.

If I recall correctly, the instructor is particularly good looking - and may be a ReGroupie.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> If my sundial is accurate, there was a parenting class this AM.
> 
> If I recall correctly, the instructor is particularly good looking - and may be a ReGroupie.


Darn showstealer with evil sperm!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Sorry guys... I got called into work this morning and had to send Momma RG to do the exchange today.

In other news, I have been mistakenly called by PosOm's name about 5x already.

Life sure does have a sick sense of humor.

Damage control in full effect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Sorry guys... I got called into work this morning and had to send Momma RG to do the exchange today.
> 
> In other news, I have been mistakenly called by PosOm's name about 5x already.
> 
> Life sure does have a sick sense of humor.
> 
> Damage control in full effect.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That really sucks.

Go get the phone and have fun playing with her.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> That really sucks.
> 
> Go get the phone and have fun playing with her.


Went to a Sprint Store just now with D4 and the store manager gave her a display phone. Lol.

Damn, still can't go HAM on women when they are flirting. Store Manager (she) was ready - like my friends say.

More work to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Sorry guys... I got called into work this morning and had to send Momma RG to do the exchange today.
> 
> In other news, I have been mistakenly called by PosOm's name about 5x already.
> 
> Life sure does have a sick sense of humor.
> 
> Damage control in full effect.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:wtf::banghead:sorry RG


----------



## LongWalk

Who called you OM's name?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Who called you OM's name?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Likely D4


----------



## ReGroup

Seems like 2 weeks was too much.

3AM Text: Yo. Is it possible for you to stay home when D4 is in your company and at your house?

I am not awake so I don't respond.

She calls the house phone at 10am, speaks with D4 and then request to talk to me.

You were out last night.
My friends saw you.

I pleasantly get off the phone.

She calls again... I say to myself, "lets have fun with this"...

Mrs. RG: Why can't you answer my questions?

RG: M, what motivates you to ask those questions?

Mrs. RG: What do you mean? I just want to make sure that you are ok. 

RG: I am ok. 3am? What's good with that?

Mrs. RG: Just wanted to make sure you were ok. My sources told me you were out last night. And I wanted make sure you are safe.

RG: Who saw me? Where?

Mrs. RG: Don't worry about that.

RG: (laughing) You know you are crazy right?

Mrs. RG: Obviously, I was drinking last night. You know I have people following you right?

RG: I wouldn't be surprised - you are crazy.

Mrs. RG: Where were you? 

RG: None of your business. 

Mrs. RG: Why did you get home at 6am?

RG: M, what motivates you to ask these questions or even text me at that time? Casting nets to catch anything.

Mrs. RG: Ain't it obvious?

- Ignored that sh*t.

RG: You are psycho.

Mrs. RG: (laughing) put D4 on again.

There was much more to the conversation but it was the first time in a long time that we talked and it was all jokes and pleasant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Seems like 2 weeks was too much.
> 
> 3AM: Yo. Is it possible for you to stay home when D4 is in your company and at your house?
> 
> I am not awake so I don't respond.
> 
> She calls the house phone at 10am, speaks with D4 and then request to talk to me.
> 
> You were out last night.
> My friends saw you.
> 
> I pleasantly get off the phone.
> 
> She calls again... I say to myself, "lets have fun with this"...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why can't you answer my questions?
> 
> RG: M, what motivates you to ask those questions?
> 
> Mrs. RG: What do you mean? I just to make sure that you are ok.
> 
> RG: I am ok. 3am? What's good with that?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Just wanted to make sure you were ok. My sources told me you were out last night. And I wanted make sure you are safe.
> 
> RG: Who saw me? Where?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Don't worry about that.
> 
> RG: (laughing) You know you are crazy right?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Obviously, I was drinking last night. You know I have people following you right?
> 
> RG: I wouldn't be surprised - you are crazy.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Where were you?
> 
> RG: None of your business.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why did you get home at 6am?
> 
> RG: M, what motivates you to ask these questions or even text me at that time? Casting nets to catch anything.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Ain't it obvious?
> 
> - Ignored that sh*t.
> 
> RG: You are psycho.
> 
> Mrs. RG: (laughing) put D4 on again.
> 
> There was much more to the conversation but it was the first time in a long time that we talked and it was all jokes and pleasant.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


YES.....


----------



## GutPunch

Get your plow ready.


----------



## Mavash.

It was all jokes and pleasant because you're learning not to take a crazy person seriously. LOL

Besides you have to admit when you're not emotionally invested crazy people are entertaining.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Mavash. said:


> It was all jokes and pleasant because you're learning not to take a crazy person seriously. LOL
> 
> Besides you have to admit when you're not emotionally invested crazy people are entertaining.


As long as he doesn't come back a week from now crying fowl when she pulls one on him.


----------



## tom67

RG has she given you her new address yet?


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> It was all jokes and pleasant because you're learning not to take a crazy person seriously. LOL
> 
> Besides you have to admit when you're not emotionally invested crazy people are entertaining.


Just have to remember to stay at 50,000 feet. 

Real easy to get sucked in. 

Especially with someone whom you have an emotional attachment.


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> Seems like 2 weeks was too much.
> 
> 3AM Text: Yo. Is it possible for you to stay home when D4 is in your company and at your house?
> 
> I am not awake so I don't respond.
> 
> She calls the house phone at 10am, speaks with D4 and then request to talk to me.
> 
> You were out last night.
> My friends saw you.
> 
> I pleasantly get off the phone.
> 
> She calls again... I say to myself, "lets have fun with this"...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why can't you answer my questions?
> 
> RG: M, what motivates you to ask those questions?
> 
> Mrs. RG: What do you mean? I just want to make sure that you are ok.
> 
> RG: I am ok. 3am? What's good with that?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Just wanted to make sure you were ok. My sources told me you were out last night. And I wanted make sure you are safe.
> 
> RG: Who saw me? Where?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Don't worry about that.
> 
> RG: (laughing) You know you are crazy right?
> 
> Mrs. RG: Obviously, I was drinking last night. You know I have people following you right?
> 
> RG: I wouldn't be surprised - you are crazy.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Where were you?
> 
> RG: None of your business.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why did you get home at 6am?
> 
> RG: M, what motivates you to ask these questions or even text me at that time? Casting nets to catch anything.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Ain't it obvious?
> 
> - Ignored that sh*t.
> 
> RG: You are psycho.
> 
> Mrs. RG: (laughing) put D4 on again.
> 
> There was much more to the conversation but it was the first time in a long time that we talked and it was all jokes and pleasant.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG, awesome that you could deal with her so easily. She is spying on you with her new iPhone app – RG Tracker. 

Hope you can get more time with your daughter. Did I understand it right that she called you by OM's name? Yikes!

... at least Mrs RG doesn't call you by his name.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> RG, awesome that you could deal with her so easily. She is spying on you with her new iPhone app – RG Tracker.
> 
> Hope you can get more time with your daughter. Did I understand it right that she called you by OM's name? Yikes!
> 
> ... at least Mrs RG doesn't call you by his name.


Some people don't have better things to do at 3am in the morning.

Yes, D4 called me his name about 5 times. 

I cringed a little less with each occurance.


----------



## LongWalk

You have got to get 50/50 custody.

Messages at 3 am? While OM is asleep she is thinking about you... hey, she's cheating on him. 

Maybe Conrad will sell her a jersey.


----------



## Ceegee

LongWalk said:


> You have got to get 50/50 custody.
> 
> Messages at 3 am? W*hile OM is asleep she is thinking about you*... hey, she's cheating on him.
> 
> Maybe Conrad will sell her a jersey.


What else would you expect from a show-stealing FAN?


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> RG, awesome that you could deal with her so easily. She is spying on you with her new iPhone app – RG Tracker.
> 
> Hope you can get more time with your daughter. Did I understand it right that she called you by OM's name? Yikes!
> 
> ... at least Mrs RG doesn't call you by his name.


We need to get RG Tracker on our phones.

We really miss him when he's gone.

(Just like Mrs. ReG)


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> We need to get RG Tracker on our phones.
> 
> We really miss him when he's gone.
> 
> (Just like Mrs. ReG)


She knows where he's at and when he gets home. 

He doesn't know where she lives or where his daughter is at when she's with her.

RG called her crazy 3 times on that call. Not nearly enough.


----------



## Ceegee

Now available on iTunes.


----------



## happyman64

We should raise some funds and hire a PI for two days.

We can track Mrs RG to her new address and where she goes with OM.

Then he can call her during normal hours and freak her out.

Sadly she would think RG still loves her and is stalking her.....

:scratchhead:

HM


----------



## Bullwinkle

RG, God, I love this thread, and best comment here recently was Punch urging you to get the plow ready. Never get tired of the whole plowing analogy.


----------



## LongWalk

When RG plows he is a show stopper, as Mrs RG well knows.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> It was all jokes and pleasant because you're learning not to take a crazy person seriously. LOL
> 
> Besides you have to admit when you're not emotionally invested crazy people are entertaining.


As an aside, making her laugh is one of the best ways to get back into the white.

If she's laughing and smiling with (or at) you, your co-parenting life will be much less dramatic.

Good job. You found something that works. Stick with it.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> As an aside, making her laugh is one of the best ways to get back into the white.
> 
> If she's laughing and smiling with (or at) you, your co-parenting life will be much less dramatic.
> 
> Good job. You found something that works. Stick with it.


And you get to call her crazy. Perfect.


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> As an aside, making her laugh is one of the best ways to get back into the white.
> 
> If she's laughing and smiling with (or at) you, your co-parenting life will be much less dramatic.
> 
> Good job. You found something that works. Stick with it.


Glad it worked but it was a risky move. Most women wouldn't think being called psycho was funny. My guess is in the context of that conversation she thought he was just joking....but he wasn't. LOL


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Glad it worked but it was a risky move. Most women wouldn't think being called psycho was funny. My guess is in the context of that conversation she thought he was just joking....but he wasn't. LOL


She was likely so satisfied she had him on defense, she let it go.


----------



## smallsteps

Mavash. said:


> Glad it worked but it was a risky move. Most women wouldn't think being called psycho was funny. My guess is in the context of that conversation she thought he was just joking....but he wasn't. LOL


In our neck of the woods it can be seen as a compliment. 

The way it sounds like he came across with it, that's how she took it.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> Glad it worked but it was a risky move. Most women wouldn't think being called psycho was funny. My guess is in the context of that conversation she thought he was just joking....but he wasn't. LOL


Yes, but RG has nothing to lose at this point.

My guess is that he was chuckling and had a "friendly" tone of voice.

And, he was super-lucky to catch her in a lucid, sane state of mind.

Want to get on a bratty 4 year-old's good side? Make her laugh and giggle. Be goofy. Stick your tongue out at her. Make funny faces.


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> And, he was super-lucky to catch her in a lucid, sane state of mind.


She was hungover - most likely.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She was hungover - most likely.


But, still on the job


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> She was hungover - most likely.


If all it takes is a hangover to soften her up you should be pretty golden most days.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> If all it takes is a hangover to soften her up you should be pretty golden most days.


Ain't this some truth. LOL


----------



## LongWalk

If RG precipitates her breakup with POSOM and then does not want her back, she will go mad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> If RG precipitates her breakup with POSOM and then does not want her back, she will go mad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol:

I hope they have found TRUE love and I am left in peace.

I have a better understanding of what a healthy relationship should look like - That's what I will aim for.

Most importantly, I know what my role in it should be... as opposed to what I was.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> :lol:
> 
> I hope they have found TRUE love and I am left in peace.
> 
> I have a better understanding of what a healthy relationship should look like - That's what I will aim for.
> 
> Most importantly, I know what my role in it should be... as opposed to what I was.


That's a healthy way to look at it RG.

Unfortunately, the president of your FAN club is not happy with POSOM and is taking it out on you.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> :lol:
> 
> I hope they have found TRUE love and I am left in peace.
> 
> I have a better understanding of what a healthy relationship should look like - That's what I will aim for.
> 
> Most importantly, I know what my role in it should be... as opposed to what I was.


There you go. That's the way to think about it.

Bottom line, are you better off with or without her?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I hope they have found TRUE love and I am left in peace.


Looks like things are heading in that direction:


----------



## happyman64

RG

Has your wife ever told you their new address and admitted she and your daughter now live with the OM???

HM


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> RG
> 
> Has your wife ever told you their new address and admitted she and your daughter now live with the OM???
> 
> HM


She's too busy with surveillance at his address.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> She's too busy with surveillance at his address.


I think you are right about that.

When he called her a psycho the other night he should have looked out the window to see if she was sitting in her car or standing on the corner......


----------



## Tron

happyman64 said:


> When he called her a psycho the other night he should have looked out the window to see if she was sitting in her car or standing on the corner......


:rofl:


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> I think you are right about that.
> 
> When he called her a psycho the other night he should have looked out the window to see if she was sitting in her car or standing on the corner......


I'm picturing a latina Glenn Close in a raincoat.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> I'm picturing a latina Glenn Close in a raincoat.


I just found a picture of Mrs RG.


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> I just found a picture of Mrs RG.


----------



## LongWalk

RG you have to get more time with your daughter


----------



## Chuck71

The things which bothered you in the beginning no longer do

when I reached the IDGAF point, I knew it was 110% over

there were instances where I knew my ex would flip a gasket

none were done out of the blue for pure amusement

but in our communications over emails

it brought forth much needed laughter

I recall her saying "I can make it on my own"

Two weeks ago I received a letter in the mail

the cell phones she wanted to come by here to pick up back in May

and I refused to allow her to.....were turned off due to non-payment

her without a cell phone is like me without my truck

Last week I emailed her pertaining to her brother's dog

"I don't have my cell phone anymore. I don't know what to do. My 

life is spinning in a bad way."

My reply......... I'm sorry you feel that way


----------



## Coco Charnel

*tired of fighting*

My husband and i does not work together when it comes to finaces,

he went on a management conference and he took his wedding ring off they were sleeping over in my opinion that is disrespctfull towards our marriage,


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> The things which bothered you in the beginning no longer do
> 
> when I reached the IDGAF point, I knew it was 110% over
> 
> there were instances where I knew my ex would flip a gasket
> 
> none were done out of the blue for pure amusement
> 
> but in our communications over emails
> 
> it brought forth much needed laughter
> 
> I recall her saying "I can make it on my own"
> 
> Two weeks ago I received a letter in the mail
> 
> the cell phones she wanted to come by here to pick up back in May
> 
> and I refused to allow her to.....were turned off due to non-payment
> 
> her without a cell phone is like me without my truck
> 
> Last week I emailed her pertaining to her brother's dog
> 
> "I don't have my cell phone anymore. I don't know what to do. My
> 
> life is spinning in a bad way."
> 
> My reply......... I'm sorry you feel that way



Bless her heart.


----------



## Mavash.

happyman64 said:


> RG
> 
> Has your wife ever told you their new address and admitted she and your daughter now live with the OM???
> 
> HM


Not sharing pertinent information with an ex is fairly common even when there are kids involved. The reasons why vary.

The solution is the same. Avoidance.


----------



## happyman64

Mavash. said:


> Not sharing pertinent information with an ex is fairly common even when there are kids involved. The reasons why vary.
> 
> The solution is the same. Avoidance.


I understand that.

But legally he is not an Ex.

Amazing the lengths one will go to, to not be honest with someone they have been intimate with and still communicate with on daily basis......


----------



## Mavash.

happyman64 said:


> I understand that.
> 
> But legally he is not an Ex.
> 
> Amazing the lengths one will go to, to not be honest with someone they have been intimate with and still communicate with on daily basis......


LOL I've been married for 22 years and I struggle at time being honest about things I fear judgement over.

And I have zero reason to fear this from my husband. 

He's a super nice guy.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> LOL I've been married for 22 years and I struggle at time being honest about things I fear judgement over.
> 
> And I have zero reason to fear this from my husband.
> 
> He's a super nice guy.


Fear sucks.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Not sharing pertinent information with an ex is fairly common even when there are kids involved. The reasons why vary.
> 
> The solution is the same. Avoidance.


She's fearful that RG will implement the Mrs. ReG tracker app.


----------



## LongWalk

RG's daughter is a victim of abuse. Being cut off from RG like this is a form of mistreatment. Can RG confront her in non hostile manner to suck the truth out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

LongWalk said:


> RG's daughter is a victim of abuse. Being cut off from RG like this is a form of mistreatment. Can RG confront her in non hostile manner to suck the truth out?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's got nuthin til he gets a court ordered visitation schedule.


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> RG's daughter is a victim of abuse. Being cut off from RG like this is a form of mistreatment. Can RG confront her in non hostile manner to suck the truth out?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One of the hardest things to face is injustice.

So I'm with 3strikes until he has a court order he's at the whim of Mrs. RG.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> One of the hardest things to face is injustice.
> 
> So I'm with 3strikes until he has a court order he's at the whim of Mrs. RG.


Seems like it's time to get to business again.


----------



## ReGroup

D4 gave me a vague descriptive, location wise, of where they are living.

It's in The Bronx - a decent area.

You know, I try to do many positive stuff for myself... Trying to put myself in a better space and I keep momentarily asking myself, "what the hell happened and how did it come to this?"

In a way I am lucky... She's doing things in break neck speeds - so I get to deal with stuff all rolled into one...

But sometimes, it does get tough.

Man, I have dealt with a lot.

I hope she has filed... I don't even know that. I have taken No Contact to the extreme.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> D4 gave me a vague descriptive, location wise, of where they are living.
> 
> It's in The Bronx - a decent area.
> 
> You know, I try to do many positive stuff for myself... Trying to put myself in a better space and I keep momentarily asking myself, "what the hell happened and how did it come to this?"
> 
> In a way I am lucky... She's doing things in break neck speeds - so I get to deal with stuff all rolled into one...
> 
> But sometimes, it does get tough.
> 
> Man, I have dealt with a lot.
> 
> I hope she has filed... I don't even know that. I have taken No Contact to the extreme.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Take her to court motion up a hearing. You can do it yourself.


----------



## LongWalk

tom67 said:


> Take her to court motion up a hearing. You can do it yourself.


Agree. She's leaving you no choice, RG.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I'm going to call my lawyer today, lets see if we can wrap this thing up... Though he did tell me it takes 6 months last time we spoke.

Just got a text from Mrs. RG: D4 asked me to text you this: When are you going to the airport and where are you going?

SMH.

Tommy, Ike Davis for Chris Sale ... Who says no?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> I'm going to call my lawyer today, lets see if we can wrap this thing up... Though he did tell me it takes 6 months last time we spoke.
> 
> Just got a text from Mrs. RG: D4 asked me to text you this: When are you going to the airport and where are you going?
> 
> SMH.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LMAO....She has figured her way around the 180. Just act like your D is involved. 

ReGroup....Your D4 wants to know if you are dating anybody?

ReGroup ...You D4 wants to know why the divorce settlement is taking so long?

ReGroup...Your D4 wants to know why you won't fight for me?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm going to call my lawyer today, lets see if we can wrap this thing up... Though he did tell me it takes 6 months last time we spoke.
> 
> Just got a text from Mrs. RG: D4 asked me to text you this: When are you going to the airport and where are you going?
> 
> SMH.
> 
> Tommy, Ike Davis for Chris Sale ... Who says no?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hope4family

Sickening.


----------



## Conrad

hope4family said:


> Sickening.


What size jersey do you wear?


----------



## hope4family

I'd say Medium to ensure its a loose comfy fit. 

But that'd be the only thing about regroup situation that I find loose and comfy. 

Sorry you are going through this regroup.


----------



## Ceegee

She is truly diabolical.


----------



## ReGroup

I appreciate it H4F. If it wasn't for you guys I would be in some asylum locked up some where.

Ignore the text right?

10 years to go Chip.

GP, she is getting resourceful... First her friends last weekend and now D4.

She is revving it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> She is truly diabolical.


Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Ceegee said:


> She is truly diabolical.


Lesson learned: they do NOT like it when you call them this.


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> Lesson learned: they do NOT like it when you call them this.


Z, 

I read your thread on LAD and your relationship with T ... It's amazing. 

Little envy, can't lie.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I appreciate it H4F. If it wasn't for you guys I would be in some asylum locked up some where.
> 
> Ignore the text right?
> 
> 10 years to go Chip.
> 
> GP, she is getting resourceful... First her friends last weekend and now D4.
> 
> She is revving it up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does she ever "rev down"?


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Z,
> 
> I read your thread on LAD and your relationship with T ... It's amazing.
> 
> Little envy, can't lie.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can't wait to read about your "T" one day real soon.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I'm going to call my lawyer today, lets see if we can wrap this thing up... Though he did tell me it takes 6 months last time we spoke.
> 
> Just got a text from Mrs. RG: D4 asked me to text you this: When are you going to the airport and where are you going?
> 
> SMH.
> 
> Tommy, Ike Davis for Chris Sale ... Who says no?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Make sure you call your lawyer today.

If it takes 6 months, let the clock start ticking now not later.


----------



## Mavash.

Yes ignore the text.


----------



## happyman64

You are all too nice.

I would have responded:

"Oh Honey, Daddy cannot leave the country for good until Mommy's live in boyfriend says it is ok for Mommy to send me the divorce papers......"


----------



## Mavash.

I'm diabolical too.

If I were to respond I'd go with "I'll tell her in person the next time I see her". 

Fvck that middle man and using your kid as a pawn crap.


----------



## smallsteps

Mavash. said:


> I'm diabolical too.
> 
> If I were to respond I'd go with "I'll tell her in person the next time I see her".
> 
> Fvck that middle man and using your kid as a pawn crap.


:iagree:

But she is a pro when it comes to playing that game......


----------



## BFGuru

Wait regroup, I've been without Internet for way too long...how far back to I need to scroll to figure out where you are moving? LOL


----------



## Pbartender

ThreeStrikes said:


> He's got nuthin til he gets a court ordered visitation schedule.





Mavash. said:


> One of the hardest things to face is injustice.
> 
> So I'm with 3strikes until he has a court order he's at the whim of Mrs. RG.





06Daddio08 said:


> Seems like it's time to get to business again.





tom67 said:


> Take her to court motion up a hearing. You can do it yourself.





LongWalk said:


> Agree. She's leaving you no choice, RG.


:iagree:

Temporary court orders can work wonders. Let me tell you.


----------



## Mavash.

If she wants to use your kid as a spy she needs to give you more than 3 days a month with her.

Win/win.


----------



## Mavash.

smallsteps said:


> :iagree:
> 
> But she is a pro when it comes to playing that game......


So am I.


----------



## Mavash.

Pbartender said:


> Temporary court orders can work wonders. Let me tell you.


That move of yours for temp support was brilliant. She makes ONE payment and bam things move quickly after that. LOL


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> That move of yours for temp support was brilliant. She makes ONE payment and bam things move quickly after that. LOL


If he'd have done nothing, she'd have done nothing.


----------



## ReGroup

Spoke to Team RG... There is nothing I can do to get this moving along quicker.

I'll ask her on Saturday if she has filed.

I'll be divorced 100 pages from now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Will you eventually be able to push for a court date?

I thought the PosOM moving in was for sure your ticket to freedom.

Surely he doesn't want to live with a married woman forever.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Spoke to Team RG... There is nothing I can do to get this moving along quicker.
> 
> I'll ask her on Saturday if she has filed.
> 
> I'll be divorced 100 pages from now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is she the only one that can file?

I get the idea she's perfectly content to use RG Tracker App the rest of her god-forsaken life.


----------



## ReGroup

She has the signed settlement agreement. 

I signed on June 20th.

We'll find out on Saturday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

The wheels of justice do move at a snails pace.


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> Is she the only one that can file?


:iagree:

Remember, AXW wouldn't file, either...


----------



## GutPunch

The big question is......

Are you ready to file ReGroup?


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Spoke to Team RG... There is nothing I can do to get this moving along quicker.
> 
> I'll ask her on Saturday if she has filed.
> 
> I'll be divorced 100 pages from now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The sooner divorce is filed for the sooner your daughter gets to see her daddy on a consistent basis.


----------



## Pbartender

GutPunch said:


> The big question is......
> 
> Are you ready to file ReGroup?


I wasn't ready to file when I filed, but I did anyway.

If I'd waited until I was ready, I'd still be waiting.


----------



## ReGroup

I'm ready.

On Saturday I'll ask if she has done it, if she hasn't ... It's time to bring in the closer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Pbartender said:


> I wasn't ready to file when I filed, but I did anyway.
> 
> If I'd waited until I was ready, I'd still be waiting.


Yeah no kidding. If I waited until I was ready I'd still be paying for everything and sleeping on a couch. No thanks.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I'm ready.
> 
> On Saturday I'll ask if she has done it, if she hasn't ... It's time to bring in the closer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What are the odds that she's filed?

Let the wagering begin!


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> What are the odds that she's filed?
> 
> Let the wagering begin!


I'll take the under.


----------



## LongWalk

Why can't you get a temporary order? File for divorce without her. The best way to fight for her is to escape asap. You are probanly not going to date her again, regardless of POSOM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

06Daddio08 said:


> Yeah no kidding. If I waited until I was ready I'd still be paying for everything and sleeping on a couch. No thanks.


I wouldn't say I was completely ready to file when I did, either. 

But I was much less ready to be a doormat and accept her behavior. 

I do not regret filing. It was definitely the right move.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> I wouldn't say I was completely ready to file when I did, either.
> 
> But I was much less ready to be a doormat and accept her behavior.
> 
> I do not regret filing. It was definitely the right move.


It's Friday ReGroupies!

Time to get down to business.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> It's Friday ReGroupies!
> 
> Time to get down to business.


Bad news Chip. 

I am taking D4 to Reading Class alone tomorrow. 

Our exchange will be done swift and quick ... not enough time for me to get on her nerves.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Bad news Chip.
> 
> I am taking D4 to Reading Class alone tomorrow.
> 
> Our exchange will be done swift and quick ... not enough time for me to get on her nerves.


Airplane 2- Shatner Scene2.flv - YouTube


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Bad news Chip.
> 
> I am taking D4 to Reading Class alone tomorrow.
> 
> Our exchange will be done swift and quick ... not enough time for me to get on her nerves.


Wow, you get a reprieve this week. Enjoy It.


----------



## ReGroup

When I received the text, I was in the park lot outside my job... I yelled: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!

Just like William Wallace.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



regroup said:


> when i received the text, i was in the park lot outside my job... I yelled: Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!
> 
> Just like william wallace.


lmao!


----------



## Nucking Futs

ReGroup said:


> Bad news Chip.
> 
> I am taking D4 to Reading Class alone tomorrow.
> 
> Our exchange will be done swift and quick ... *not enough time for me to get on her nerves.*


Don't sell yourself short RG. After all, you are a show-stealing, cheap, balding FAN with evil sperm. Not many people could claim that entire list of accomplishments. 

Do you sign your name with your credentials now? Regroup, C., B, FAN, ES. Maybe you could add that to your email sig when you're emailing her.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Bad news Chip.
> 
> I am taking D4 to Reading Class alone tomorrow.
> 
> Our exchange will be done swift and quick ... not enough time for me to get on her nerves.


Bring one of your bimbos with you and it won't matter how swift the exchange is.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Bring one of your bimbos with you and it won't matter how swift the exchange is.


And have them make a big fuss over D4.


----------



## Ceegee

And over your great physique, your distinguished hair cut and the new Louis Vuitton purse you just bought her.


----------



## Tron

Conrad/Ceegee,

You guys are eeeeevilllll!


----------



## hope4family

Am I the only one who is sad that there hasn't been any show stealing lately?


----------



## Nucking Futs

Ceegee said:


> Yeah FAN, make her dance for us.


:iagree:

This comment from 6 weeks ago tickled me so much I had to bring it back.


----------



## Northern Monkey

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



hope4family said:


> Am I the only one who is sad that there hasn't been any show stealing lately?


From a purely selfish view yes. I learnt so much from the coaching in this thread.

Let's face it though, if any one deserves a little respite from the crazy, its RG.

Enjoy it while it last Group!


----------



## LongWalk

We can live without the drama, but the mystery of Mrs RG will continue regardless of a lull.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

3X is the winner.

He wins a 40oz beer of Coors Light.

More to come - Going into class.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> 3X is the winner.
> 
> He wins a 40oz beer of Coors Light.
> 
> More to come - Going into class.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nice - leave everyone hanging like that......


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> 3X is the winner.
> 
> He wins a 40oz beer of Coors Light.
> 
> More to come - Going into class.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm thinking pony keg....


----------



## ReGroup

Exchange for The Weekend.

We said our hellos and exchanged info ie... She hasn't had breakfast, the books are in the bag, etc...

Then I go all in: Have you filed?

Mrs. RG: No. What are we suppose to do? My lawyer resigned because of the back and forth.

I turn a way with a smirk on my face... (Just couldn't believe it)

Mrs. RG: We been at this since January and someone has been screwing around.

RG: Since March.

Mrs. RG: I received the paper work but don't know what to do moving forward. 

RG: You know it takes 6 months after filing to be divorced right?

Mrs: Are you getting married anytime soon?

RG: We got to go. Class starts soon. Bye, see you tomorrow.

D4 and I cross the street...

Mrs. RG: RG, tell... (couldn't hear.)

RG: What? I can't hear you?

(She crosses the street to repeat herself)

Mrs. RG: Tell your girlfriend to bring D4 breakfast.

... I'll complete this later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

I doubt she ever had a lawyer.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Imo, you're both in the wrong. You for bringing up the divorce during child exchange, in front of your daughter and your ex making girlfriend comments in front of her.

Although, I'm well aware this thread is no longer about moving onward properly and more of an amusement park for the masses.


----------



## Mavash.

She said a while back that her attorney fired her. At the time I suspected she didn't have one either.

Mrs RG is like PB's wife, Z's wife and countless others. Expecting them to DO anything is wishful thinking. PB's wife couldn't even feed herself much less do something grown up like hire an attorney. It costs money, it's not 'fun' and that's a buzz kill.

RG you are doing everything right it's just going to take time. 

Unfortunately.


----------



## Mavash.

06Daddio08 said:


> Although, I'm well aware this thread is no longer about moving onward properly and more of an amusement park for the masses.


Humor is a great tool for moving on.

Seeing the humor in a bad situation is sometimes the best medicine. 

Most everyone on this thread has dealt with a Mrs RG in some way and they know first hand what it's like.

I know it isn't funny but isn't laughing about it better than crying or wallowing?


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Humor is a great tool for moving on.
> 
> Seeing the humor in a bad situation is sometimes the best medicine.
> 
> Most everyone on this thread has dealt with a Mrs RG in some way and they know first hand what it's like.
> 
> I know it isn't funny but isn't laughing about it better than crying or wallowing?


Far superior.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> She said a while back that her attorney fired her. At the time I suspected she didn't have one either.
> 
> Mrs RG is like PB's wife, Z's wife and countless others. Expecting them to DO anything is wishful thinking. PB's wife couldn't even feed herself much less do something grown up like hire an attorney. It costs money, it's not 'fun' and that's a buzz kill.
> 
> RG you are doing everything right it's just going to take time.
> 
> Unfortunately.


One reason why we married them is we figured they'd appreciate our competence... we rationalized it as leadership.

I mean... and this is internal voices reasurring us... I do all these things so she doesn't have to. She'll love me, right?

Christ, she doesn't even SEE it - much less appreciate it.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

RG, at least now you know the task at hand.

It's all on you, which is a good thing. Turn team RG loose.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Humor is a great tool for moving on.
> 
> Seeing the humor in a bad situation is sometimes the best medicine.
> 
> Most everyone on this thread has dealt with a Mrs RG in some way and they know first hand what it's like.
> 
> I know it isn't funny but isn't laughing about it better than crying or wallowing?


It's better. In the final months of me living with X, it took some humor and laughing for me not to end up in a psych ward.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> RG, at least now you know the task at hand.
> 
> It's all on you, which is a good thing. Turn team RG loose.


Time to drive the bus.


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> It's better. In the final months of me living with X, it took some humor and laughing for me not to end up in a psych ward.


Hi my name is Mavash.

I'm a drug addict, alcoholic, anorexic, slvt who is so worthless that no man would ever want me.

These words were said to me by my own mother. :scratchhead:

Had I not learned to laugh about it I too would have ended up in a psych ward.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> RG, at least now you know the task at hand.
> 
> It's all on you, which is a good thing. Turn team RG loose.


It's actually the best situation for you. 

Take control of your life. Do it on your terms. For your benefit and D4's.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> It's actually the best situation for you.
> 
> Take control of your life. Do it on your terms. For your benefit and D4's.


We've all been cringing at how little time you get with D4.

This is your chance to change that.

Of course, we'll enjoy her temper tantrums as you do this right.

That's just a side benefit.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Hi my name is Mavash.
> 
> I'm a drug addict, alcoholic, anorexic, slvt who is so worthless that no man would ever want me.
> 
> These words were said to me by my own mother. :scratchhead:
> 
> Had I not learned to laugh about it I too would have ended up in a psych ward.


Crazy stuff. Some parents are the worst.


----------



## ReGroup

Text after exchange

Mrs RG: If you think your lawyer will do it and file it quickly then I will pay for it. I will only pay for filing fees and the index number fees. Not your attorney fees.

- ???

And I don't appreciate you acting like I'm trying to fumble **** up. You told me at the bar that you and your attorney would take over. Not fair for you to go back and forth.

- I told her he could write the settlement. Which was done - not file.

RG: No big deal.

Mrs. RG: Can you grab D4 a corn muffin and choc milk from dd please. We woke up late.*

It is a big deal when you start laughing in my face and putting me down.*

If you wanted it done soon you could pay but you won't.*

RG: We are having breakfast now.

Mrs. RG: Great thank you.

In terms of getting our divorce finalized. Don't worry RG, I'm not going to try and take half of your house or apt planned purchase. So relax.

RG: No big deal M.

D4 ate well. (Thumbs up)

Mrs. RG.: I is a big deal R because you are up to something. I'm not going to get in the way of your plans. Rest assured. We both want things done quickly.*

RG: Sweet.

We are here.
........

(3 hours later)

Mrs. RG: Radical

RG: Can I be Ted?

Mrs. RG: Sure, you love Keanu... "Hello"

- old joke we used to have. Dave Chapelle skit.

RG: Ok, you are Bill my side kick.

Mrs. RG: Of course I AM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

First things first - have your attorney draw up an invoice for all the fees associated with filing - and have him send it to her, with a copy to you.

Of course, you'll need her address.

In fact, I'd text back right now.

I'll have my attorney do exactly that, where should he send the invoice?


----------



## Mavash.

All that means is it's time to file.

Have her officially served with papers at whatever address you can and all that.

Trying to do this any other way is insanity with her.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> All that means is it's time to file.
> 
> Have her officially served with papers at whatever address you can and all that.
> 
> Trying to do this any other way is insanity with her.


Take none of her suggestions - except her offer to pay.


----------



## ReGroup

I have the address. She left her address in one of the workbooks.

I will email The Team tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

You will probably end up paying. I wouldn't let it bother you. Expect it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

You will have to file...they never do....


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> You will probably end up paying. I wouldn't let it bother you. Expect it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I know.

It will be worth it though.

I want to get it moving while she's living in bliss and happy. No more hiccups.

D4 is already venting about being angry that PosOM is living with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> I have the address. She left her address in one of the workbooks.
> 
> I will email The Team tomorrow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This never gets boring. I believe she had a lawyer and the lawyer went insane. The question is how much he got out of her before she broke him.
RG, you will never reveal how you learned the address. more tine with D ASAP.

Maybe once the school year starts she will be in normal mode
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> This never gets boring. I believe she had a lawyer and the lawyer went insane. The question is how much he got out of her before she broke him.
> RG, you will never reveal how you learned the address. more tine with D ASAP.
> 
> Maybe once the school year starts she will be in normal mode
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just have the invoice sent there with no warning.

(Then turn off your phone)


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> RG, you will never reveal how you learned the address.


Agree. Never reveal how you get your information. Leave that to her vivid imagination.


----------



## ReGroup

Agreed.

I will have the invoices mailed and wait. If nothing happens, I will just pay for it myself.

And Mavi, she has one vivid imagination - she says the most absurd things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> And Mavi, she has one vivid imagination - she says the most absurd things.


Broken people do. Their wiring is all wrong. That's where my translator comes in handy. 

I've had to learn how to speak normal but my native language is crazy. LOL


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Agree. Never reveal how you get your information. Leave that to her vivid imagination.


Tell her you have a tracker app too.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Tell her you have a tracker app too.


Ended up not needing the information but I read a lot about how to manage relationships with a narcissist (my dad is one). They tell you to feed their paranoia to outwit them. They think everyone is out to get them so the strategy is to use that against them to keep them in line or to manipulate them to do what you need done.


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

are you in Manhattan in a park, uptown? 

I'm seeing a balding show stealer with a D around 4 ... is that you?


----------



## ReGroup

Just found out she doesn't need a lawyer to file. She simply needs to walk to to the clerks office and submit the agreement.

She is holding this thing up and doesn't even know it.

It's uncontested, so no court dates are needed.

Lovely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Lifescript said:


> RG,
> 
> are you in Manhattan in a park, uptown?
> 
> I'm seeing a balding show stealer with a D around 4 ... is that you?


Lol... No!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Lol... No!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol, just checkin'


----------



## Awakening2012

ReGroup said:


> Just found out she doesn't need a lawyer to file. She simply needs to walk to to the clerks office and submit the agreement.
> 
> She is holding this thing up and doesn't even know it.
> 
> It's uncontested, so no court dates are needed.
> 
> Lovely.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi RG - 

If this is the case, is there any point in your simply telling her this, straight up? Or is there no communicating with her brand of irrational, and attempting would just be feeding the crazy?

Best,- A12


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Just found out she doesn't need a lawyer to file. She simply needs to walk to to the clerks office and submit the agreement.


But RG that's so BORING.....

It's like asking my 10 year old to pay my bills, renew my car tags or shop for life insurance. LOL


----------



## Mavash.

Awakening2012 said:


> If this is the case, is there any point in your simply telling her this, straight up?


Trying to talk to Mrs RG is like trying to talk to an alien from another planet.

An ANGRY alien at that.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Lifescript said:


> RG,
> 
> are you in Manhattan in a park, uptown?
> 
> I'm seeing a balding show stealer with a D around 4 ... is that you?


Did you check for the presence of evil seed?


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Nucking Futs said:


> Did you check for the presence of evil seed?


Lol


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> RG,
> 
> are you in Manhattan in a park, uptown?
> 
> I'm seeing a balding show stealer with a D around 4 ... is that you?


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Broken people do. Their wiring is all wrong. That's where my translator comes in handy.
> 
> I've had to learn how to speak normal but my native language is crazy. LOL


Please write up the simultaneous translators vocabular list.

The cheaters script is different, correct?

Lostlove's WW told him that POSOM3 would be history in two weeks?
Why two weeks? Why does one sense that she was dumped?

Did RG's wife have a lawyer? I think yes, but it all seems so surreal.

BW's Frostine says so little. Is this indication that she knows she is broken and thus avoids speaking?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nucking Futs

LongWalk said:


> Please write up the simultaneous translators vocabular list.
> 
> The cheaters script is different, correct?
> 
> Lostlove's WW told him that POSOM3 would be history in two weeks?
> Why two weeks? Why does one sense that she was dumped?
> 
> Did RG's wife have a lawyer? I think yes, but it all seems so surreal.
> 
> *BW's Frostine says so little. Is this indication that she knows she is broken and thus avoids speaking?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it's more likely an indication that she doesn't give a rats rosy red rectum about anyone but herself.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,
By the way, today I had lunch with my brother's old college buddy from NYC. When we last met 4 years ago he out of the blue started telling me about an EA that had him questioning his marriage. He told me that he felt a real connection with a woman with whom he interacted primarily online. He was so torn and I happened to be someone from out of town who didn't know his wife. We didn't discuss it more after I left town.

Later he and his wife had baby very late in life. He must have been around 41 or 42. At lunch I thought I would meet his wife and child, but he came with a woman colleague. His wife was out of the country. He left his child at home with babysitter. He picked up the bill. I couldn't help but wonder what his wife would think about him spending money on some younger woman on a Sunday.

My brother's buddy was geek engineer who never had girlfriends. I gather that like Blue Cal, he found his marriage to be the exit from being lonely and single, rather than a passion. I sense that the failure to have experienced much sex or affection has left him vulnerable to making the choice to cheat. Moreover, I can also imagine how a cheater would experience adolescent excitement in place of what they missed in their teens and 20s.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

LongWalk said:


> Please write up the simultaneous translators vocabular list.
> 
> The cheaters script is different, correct?
> 
> Lostlove's WW told him that POSOM3 would be history in two weeks?
> Why two weeks? Why does one sense that she was dumped?
> 
> Did RG's wife have a lawyer? I think yes, but it all seems so surreal.
> 
> BW's Frostine says so little. Is this indication that she knows she is broken and thus avoids speaking?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That would require introspection on Frostine's part which we have yet to see from her. 

Her reasons for not speaking are much more selfish than that. 

More likely, IMHO, that she avoids speaking as a form of punishment to BW. It may also be that she doesn't trust herself enough to not hit him over the head with a wine bottle again.


----------



## ReGroup

Great stuff CG, great stuff.

Pleasant exchange except for the fact that I was being - quietly followed for a street block.

When I noticed, she cracked a smile and I reminded her that I wanted the school and teacher's name.
I also asked for the teachers contact number.

I also brought up that I was taking D4 to the mother land in December and I wanted to have a discussion with the teacher about it.

Mrs. RG said: I don't know what school she is attending yet. I'll have that discussion with the teacher.

I said: I will have that discussion with the teacher.

D4 knows what school she is attending but not her.

Crazy Ass Woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Great stuff CG, great stuff.
> 
> Pleasant exchange except for the fact that I was being - quietly followed for street block.
> 
> When I noticed, she cracked a smile and I reminded her that I wanted the school and teacher's name.
> I also asked for the teachers contact number.
> 
> I also brought up that I was taking D4 to the mother land in December and I wanted to have a discussion with the teacher about it.
> 
> Mrs. RG said: I don't know what school she is attending yet.
> 
> I said: I will have that discussion with the teacher.
> 
> D4 knows what school she is attending but not her.
> 
> Crazy Ass Woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:wtf::bsflag::bsflag:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

The game is afoot.

Team RG needs to put it in hyper-drive.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Great stuff CG, great stuff.
> 
> Pleasant exchange except for the fact that I was being - quietly followed for a street block.
> 
> When I noticed, she cracked a smile and I reminded her that I wanted the school and teacher's name.
> I also asked for the teachers contact number.
> 
> I also brought up that I was taking D4 to the mother land in December and I wanted to have a discussion with the teacher about it.
> 
> Mrs. RG said: I don't know what school she is attending yet. I'll have that discussion with the teacher.
> 
> I said: I will have that discussion with the teacher.
> 
> D4 knows what school she is attending but not her.
> 
> Crazy Ass Woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know she gets off on this right?

Except for the money, this is all a game to her. She thinks you like it too.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: D4 said she didn't have lunch today. Only ice cream at toys r us??

RG: An unlicensed nutritionist told me you could substitute meals with Vanilla flavored Haagan Daz. Sounded right to me... At the time.

Mrs. RG: Ahhh I see you have begun regaining your sense of Humor. *

I'm cleaning up this really large mess with D4.

RG: Kid wants something and doesn't get it?

Been there before.

La Vida Sigue. (Life goes on)

Mrs. RG: I would have laughed at that comment if I didn't have to be sitting with D4 explaining to her about "why Papi didn't keep his promise."*

Yes. It sure does however....... I don't say things to her that I may not be able to come through on. She is extremely sensitive about "promises" lately.*

RG: She was instructed that we were there for observation.

"Promised"? I must have been abducted when I made that promise.

- She wants a drum set. I didn't buy it because it would be too heavy for Mrs. RG to transport to her place. She was told, by me, that I would make better accommodations to purchase the item.

Mrs. RG: Im just telling you what she told me. That's all.*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: D4 said she didn't have lunch today. Only ice cream at toys r us??
> 
> RG: An unlicensed nutritionist told me you could substitute meals with Vanilla flavored Haagan Daz. Sounded right to me... At the time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Ahhh I see you have begun regaining your sense of Humor. *
> 
> I'm cleaning up this really large mess with D4.
> 
> RG: Kid wants something and doesn't get it?
> 
> Been there before.
> 
> La Vida Sigue. (Life goes on)
> 
> Mrs. RG: I would have laughed at that comment if I didn't have to be sitting with D4 explaining to her about "why Papi didn't keep his promise."*
> 
> Yes. It sure does however....... I don't say things to her that I may not be able to come through on. She is extremely sensitive about "promises" lately.*
> 
> RG: She was instructed that we were there for observation.
> 
> "Promised"? I must have been abducted when I made that promise.
> 
> - She wants a drum set. I didn't buy it because it would be too heavy for Mrs. RG to transport to her place. She was told, by me, that I would make better accommodations to purchase the item.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Im just telling you what she told me. That's all.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Holy crap RG I just realized what happened to your wife.

Her and your daughter switched bodies. It must be Freaky Friday 2: Where the heck did my wife go?


----------



## GutPunch

Sounds like Mrs. RG wanted some ice cream too.


----------



## Ms. GP

Drum set for a 4 year old? Dude I would be thanking you!! ( so would my eardrums)


----------



## Nucking Futs

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: D4 said she didn't have lunch today. Only ice cream at toys r us??
> 
> RG: An unlicensed nutritionist told me you could substitute meals with Vanilla flavored Haagan Daz. Sounded right to me... At the time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Ahhh I see you have begun regaining your sense of Humor. *
> 
> I'm cleaning up this really large mess with D4.
> 
> RG: Kid wants something and doesn't get it?
> 
> Been there before.
> 
> La Vida Sigue. (Life goes on)
> 
> Mrs. RG: I would have laughed at that comment if I didn't have to be sitting with D4 explaining to her about "why Papi didn't keep his promise."*
> 
> Yes. It sure does however....... I don't say things to her that I may not be able to come through on. She is extremely sensitive about "promises" lately.*
> 
> RG: She was instructed that we were there for observation.
> 
> "Promised"? I must have been abducted when I made that promise.
> 
> *- She wants a drum set. I didn't buy it because it would be too heavy for Mrs. RG to transport to her place. She was told, by me, that I would make better accommodations to purchase the item.*
> 
> Mrs. RG: Im just telling you what she told me. That's all.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wait, you had a chance for you 4 year old to have a drum set at your stbxw's place and you didn't jump on it?


----------



## ReGroup

Nucking Futs said:


> Wait, you had a chance for you 4 year old to have a drum set at your stbxw's place and you didn't jump on it?


Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Has D4 been asking you questions? After last weekend and this weekend she has come back very traumatized and acting out as a result.*

RG: Elaborate?

Mrs. RG: About you and me, living with you etc?

Acting out: accidents, crying spontaneously. Refusing to sleep alone. She has never done these things and out of no where from when last weekend it started.*

She told me you told her that we never fought.*

RG: I deflect those questions like Adrian Peterson...

I don't talk about you and I.

I focus on her and I.

Mrs. RG: RG. Something is happening. I'm also inquiring because of what she is verbally expressing to me, unless she is lying.*

RG: She told me she's very angry this weekend... don't know why.

I asked her, and she said it was a secret.

All I said was, "tell me when you are ready"...

I don't know anything else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

She's trying to blame you for how she's messing up your daughter.


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> She's trying to blame you for how she's messing up your daughter.


On point.

This situation keeps getting sadder by the day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

"There’s no such thing as never getting angry. Enlightenment can and does use all the available emotions."
Adyashanti
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> On point.
> 
> This situation keeps getting sadder by the day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Regroup my daughter is 15 you are really tikking me off get 50/50 please.


----------



## Ms. GP

Mabye D4 doesn't like the other dude mommy is living with.


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Regroup my daughter is 15 you are really tikking me off get 50/50 please.


Tommy, 

I wish I could. 

Because of my job, I am unable to have D4 during the week. I live in the city, but work Upstate.

I cringe as well.


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Regroup my daughter is 15 you are really tikking me off get 50/50 please.


From what I have read and hear - daughters especially, tend to reject other males.

Especially in these types of cases.

This probably won't end well.


----------



## karole

Can't you try to find a job closer to your daughter? I know that is easier said than done, but your daughter's well being should come first - before your job or anything else.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Tommy,
> 
> I wish I could.
> 
> Because of my job, I am unable to have D4 during the week. I live in the city, but work Upstate.
> 
> I cringe as well.


So, you take the train in the wrong direction.


----------



## Chuck71

Unless POSOM and her get serious, she will not file

everything is a game to her and feeds her habit

However visitation is set up in beginning

is how she wants it to be permanent 

if you are able to find something closer to home

she will try everything in her power to drag it out too


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Unless POSOM and her get serious, she will not file
> 
> everything is a game to her and feeds her habit


Everything is fun and games until she receives that bill.

What's up Chucky?!

I emailed The Team this morning - just waiting for a response.


----------



## happyman64

GutPunch said:


> Sounds like Mrs. RG wanted some ice cream too.


The only problem is Mrs RG only likes Rocky Road and Nut Crunch.


----------



## Mavash.

06Daddio08 said:


> She's trying to blame you for how she's messing up your daughter.


This. 

Great responses btw.

Don't take the bait.

You have your daughter what 3 days a month? Mrs RG needs to look in the mirror.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> This.
> 
> Great responses btw.
> 
> Don't take the bait.
> 
> You have your daughter what 3 days a month? Mrs RG needs to look in the mirror.


You've seen way too much divorce Mav.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Mrs RG needs to look in the mirror.


Cause and Effect don't apply to them, only Effect. It's like my ex referring to the fact that I was the one who filed and got the "lawyers" involved.

That was the Effect. The Cause was due to her refusing to take the steps required for meditation. I wasn't okay with being stuck with all the daycare costs and everything else, it took the law to force her to do so.

Yet, that doesn't register. So be it.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> You've seen way too much divorce Mav.


I've seen way too much of a lot of bad things.

I feel people's pain and I get upset or cry.

It's why I limit the number of people I help.


----------



## BWBill

Secrets are not good.

If the secret is not with you, and not with Mrs. RG, then who would it be with?

Any chance of therapy for D4?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> It's why I limit the number of people I help.


(Counting my blessings)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

BWBill said:


> Secrets are not good.
> 
> If the secret is not with you, and not with Mrs. RG, then who would it be with?
> 
> Any chance of therapy for D4?


I have been considering this and have researched it. I can't find someone on weekends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

06Daddio08 said:


> She's trying to blame you for how she's messing up your daughter.


Mrs RG is a rubik's cube of emotions whirring red and blue, yellow and black. You have to get 50% time with your daughter to prevent her from speaking broken person language. You can fix her while young. Later the damage will be hard to undo.

Your daughter will be unable to have normal relationships as an adult.


----------



## Mavash.

Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but you never get anywhere.

RG focus on what's in your control and let the rest go.

Anything more will only make you crazy.

Besides you have NO idea how this is going to play out.

Right now your daughter is 4 and cute.

I think of my crazy sister....by the time her daughter was 8 she was ready to drop her off on anyone's doorstep.

Wait she did do that. Lol

I raised my niece for 2 years.

She would have given her back to her dad had she known where he lived.

SMH


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but you never get anywhere.
> 
> RG focus on what's in your control and let the rest go.
> 
> Anything more will only make you crazy.
> 
> Besides you have NO idea how this is going to play out.
> 
> Right now your daughter is 4 and cute.
> 
> I think of my crazy sister....by the time her daughter was 8 she was ready to drop her off on anyone's doorstep.
> 
> Wait she did do that. Lol
> 
> I raised my niece for 2 years.
> 
> She would have given her back to her dad had she known where he lived.
> 
> SMH


This is great advice. 

It doesn't mean do nothing though. Do everything that is in your control and don't sweat the rest. 

My STBX took my kids to the beach for the fourth time this summer. They don't even like going anymore but it's all she knows to do. She keeps it a secret and doesn't tell them until the morning they leave so they won't tell me. 

They've been texting me every 15-20 minutes. S12 broke his toe and she won't take him to the dr. There's not much you can do with a broken toe but he's in pain and they could at least give him something for that. 

Because of her shopping addiction, we are 100k in debt. I owe my attorney about $8500. The type of divorce we are in requires all finances to stay the same until final. We cannot afford this vacation just like we couldn't afford the previous 3. 

I cannot control any of this. Therefore, I don't let it get to me. I just keep pushing the divorce along until complete. Then and only then will I have some control over my life again. 

Get the divorce going. Fight for every minute with D4. She needs you. POSOM can never take your place but there will be a hole where you belong.


----------



## Mavash.

LOL I said focus on what you can control.

I didn't say do nothing.

Right now if what Mrs RG is saying is true there isn't a whole heck of a lot RG can do about it.

He's already stated he's not in a position to have his daughter more.

From my vantage point there isn't much he can do at the present time and I know that bothers many people here but it is what it is.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Really, this should be one of the easiest divorces, from a legal perspective.

Too much hem-hawing.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> LOL I said focus on what you can control.
> 
> I didn't say do nothing.
> 
> Right now if what Mrs RG is saying is true there isn't a whole heck of a lot RG can do about it.
> 
> He's already stated he's not in a position to have his daughter more.
> 
> From my vantage point there isn't much he can do at the present time and I know that bothers many people here but it is what it is.


Didn't mean to suggest you said do nothing. I was just trying to highlight the difference between fighting for what can be won and forgetting what can't. 

I completely agree with you.


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> Really, this should be one of the easiest divorces, from a legal perspective.
> 
> Too much hem-hawing.


From a easy to a difficulty scale it's a 1 out of 10.

I was under the impression that once I signed the settlement in June all of this would be taken care of... I was wrong.

It's not like CG's Divorce - it's the opposite.

I am still waiting on a reply from Team RG. I want this done, but it will take time.

I guess like Mavi said, there is no drama in just filing so she's taking her sweet ass time at the expense of me.

I will push this through once contacted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> From a easy to a difficulty scale it's a 1 out of 10.
> 
> I was under the impression that once I signed the settlement in June all of this would be taken care of... I was wrong.
> 
> It's not like CG's Divorce - it's the opposite.
> 
> I am still waiting on a reply from Team RG. I want this done, but it will take time.
> 
> I guess like Mavi said, there is no drama in just filing so she's taking her sweet ass time at the expense of me.
> 
> I will push this through once contacted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not too familiar with ny law but is there a time limit on how long she has to respond?


----------



## Nucking Futs

smallsteps said:


> I'm not too familiar with ny law but is there a time limit on how long she has to respond?


That's respond to the filing. It hasn't been filed yet.


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> I'm not too familiar with ny law but is there a time limit on how long she has to respond?


She can hold on to that thing for as long as she wants.

In the eyes of NY State we are a happy couple - until we prove other wise.

I am going to snatch The Bhutan.

I've given her what she wants, she just hasn't acted on it.


----------



## LongWalk

RG, can't you file? OK, you have spend money on the filing fee, but she is dragging this out so that you can change your mind and "fight for her". Disabuse her of this notion.


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> RG, can't you file? OK, you have spend money on the filing fee, but she is dragging this out so that you can change your mind and "fight for her". Disabuse her of this notion.


:iagree:School is coming up serve her at work.


----------



## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> :iagree:School is coming up serve her at work.


That's better than serving her at home with D4 present.


----------



## ReGroup

So cruel... I like it.

But - I have to wait until The Team responds.

I'll give him a call as well... though it will go straight to VM.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> She can hold on to that thing for as long as she wants.
> 
> In the eyes of NY State we are a happy couple - until we prove other wise.
> 
> I am going to snatch The Bhutan.
> 
> I've given her what she wants, she just hasn't acted on it.


I'm going out to dinner with a divorced friend from NY tomorrow night, I could do some asking around for you if you'd like.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> I'm going out to dinner with a divorced friend from NY tomorrow night, I could do some asking around for you if you'd like.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats awesome.

1. Can I take the settlement papers and just file at the city clerk's office? I was told I could w/o a lawyer.

2. Does it really take 6 freaking months. 

Can't think of anything else.

Thanks SS.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Thats awesome.
> 
> 1. Can I take the settlement papers and just file at the city clerk's office? I was told I could w/o a lawyer.
> 
> 2. Does it really take 6 freaking months.
> 
> Can't think of anything else.
> 
> Thanks SS.


NOW your stealing the show. :smthumbup:


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> NOW your stealing the show. :smthumbup:


Darn balding evil sperm show stealer!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Darn balding evil sperm show stealer!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't forget CHEAP


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> 1. Can I take the settlement papers and just file at the city clerk's office? I was told I could w/o a lawyer.


This is what I did in AZ.


----------



## vi_bride04

ReGroup said:


> Thats awesome.
> 
> 1. Can I take the settlement papers and just file at the city clerk's office? I was told I could w/o a lawyer.





zillard said:


> This is what I did in AZ.


Thats what I did in MI too. And I know Mich wait is 6 months with kids. 3 months without.


----------



## ReGroup

Ah, I see - So you both confirm what I was told.

Mrs. RG said it wasn't done because she doesn't have a lawyer; truth is ... just more excuses.

I'll have her bring the settlement papers to Saturday's Exchange.

I'll take a day off and file.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Ah, I see - So you both confirm what I was told.
> 
> Mrs. RG said it wasn't done because she doesn't have a lawyer; truth is ... just more excuses.
> 
> I'll have her bring the settlement papers to Saturday's Exchange.
> 
> I'll take a day off and file.


Now he's getting somewhere.:smthumbup::whip:


----------



## vi_bride04

She will probably forget them......then blame you for being a show stealer b/c you want to file yourself....hahahahaha


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Thats awesome.
> 
> 1. Can I take the settlement papers and just file at the city clerk's office? I was told I could w/o a lawyer.
> 
> 2. Does it really take 6 freaking months.
> 
> Can't think of anything else.
> 
> Thanks SS.


I'll let you know what I find out.


----------



## LongWalk

Evil sperm = The Bad Seed

RG,

Would you now have sex with your eventual ex to be under any circumstances?


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> Evil sperm = The Bad Seed
> 
> RG,
> 
> Would you now have sex with your eventual ex to be under any circumstances?


I rather chew on glass.

I get annoyed just with her being infront of me.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I rather chew on glass.
> 
> I get annoyed just with her being infront of me.


Punch has been lobbying for one more good plowing.

I guess that's off the table


----------



## LongWalk

I suspected you were fed up. Does she realize it or does she think that you are still connected? The formality of divorce is something she wants to avoid because you are plan B, or at least a person she wants to control. Correct?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> I suspected you were fed up. Does she realize it or does she think that you are still connected? The formality of divorce is something she wants to avoid because you are plan B, or at least a person she wants to control. Correct?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Well, if there is one thing I can do is ACT cold and indifferent. 

She believes I gave up in November to be honest with you.

She's the one complaining that I refuse to have a connection with her.

She also believes I am dating half of Manhattan.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Well, if there is one thing I can do is ACT cold and indifferent.
> 
> She believes I gave up in November to be honest with you.
> 
> She's the one complaining that I refuse to have a connection with her.
> 
> She also believes I am dating half of Manhattan.


Half of Babylon


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> She also believes I am dating half of Manhattan.


Giggled at this. LOL


----------



## LongWalk

She's not really enthralled by OM the thrill has worn off

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> She's not really enthralled by OM the thrill has worn off
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


In a past life, I was involved with someone who simply "loved it" when the "guys were fighting over me"

It's a really sick selfish mindset.

It's not all that uncommon.


----------



## Ceegee

LongWalk said:


> She's not really enthralled by OM the thrill has worn off


Was she ever really enthralled with OM? 



Conrad said:


> In a past life, I was involved with someone who simply "loved it" when the "guys were fighting over me"
> 
> It's a really sick selfish mindset.
> 
> It's not all that uncommon.


It would seem to be such a shallow feeling.

Multiple people lusting after you. They don't really know you. There is no emotional connection.

This opposed to deep feelings of love and commitment? 

I'll take long-term over fleeting any day.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Was she ever really enthralled with OM?
> 
> 
> 
> It would seem to be such a shallow feeling.
> 
> Multiple people lusting after you. They don't really know you. There is no emotional connection.
> 
> This opposed to deep feelings of love and commitment?
> 
> I'll take long-term over fleeting any day.


Ah, but fleeting is exciting and "new"

Bright shiny objects.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Ah, but fleeting is *exciting and "new"*
> 
> Bright shiny objects.


"Come aboard, we're expecting you..."

Sorry, couldn't resist a Love Boat reference. Fitting too.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> "Come aboard, we're expecting you..."
> 
> Sorry, couldn't resist a Love Boat reference. Fitting too.


I always admired Captain Steubing.

Such a shame he never found "love"

(retching noises in background)


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> I always admired Captain Steubing.
> 
> Such a shame he never found "love"
> 
> (retching noises in background)


Captain Steubing, the single father that never got any?

At this point in life I find Doc to be the more enviable character.


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> She's not really enthralled by OM the thrill has worn off


She's not enthralled by anyone other than herself.

The OM was just a means to an end.


----------



## zillard

Conrad said:


> In a past life, I was involved with someone who simply "loved it" when the "guys were fighting over me"
> 
> It's a really sick selfish mindset.
> 
> It's not all that uncommon.


My X confessed that she secretly wanted me to engage her by yelling, screaming and throwing stuff... to show that I give a shvt. 

That's what she knows of "love", learned from childhood.


----------



## ReGroup

zillard said:


> My X confessed that she secretly wanted me to engage her by yelling, screaming and throwing stuff... to show that I give a shvt.
> 
> That's what she knows of "love", learned from childhood.


LOL...

I was told that because I never displayed rage, cursed at her, called her name, didn't express jealousy, let her go out... I didn't love her.

LOL

I love TAM


----------



## Mavash.

zillard said:


> My X confessed that she secretly wanted me to engage her by yelling, screaming and throwing stuff... to show that I give a shvt.
> 
> That's what she knows of "love", learned from childhood.


In my early days of marriage I used to do everything in my power to get my husband to fight with me. I wanted yes for him to yell, scream or throw things. To me that did mean love.

Sick.

The irony is we've been married for 22 years and he still hasn't raised his voice at me. :lol:


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> LOL...
> 
> I was told that because I never displayed rage, cursed at her, called her name, didn't express jealousy, let her go out... I didn't love her.
> 
> LOL
> 
> I love TAM


Oh boy.:crazy::banghead::banghead:


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> My X confessed that she secretly wanted me to engage her by yelling, screaming and throwing stuff... to show that I give a shvt.
> 
> That's what she knows of "love", learned from childhood.


It's actually why the 180 sometimes works to bring people back.

When the people that were supposed to love you were cold and distant, cold and distance becomes attractive in a partner.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> It's actually why the 180 sometimes works to bring people back.
> 
> When the people that were supposed to love you were cold and distant, cold and distance becomes attractive in a partner.


:iagree:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> Ah, but fleeting is exciting and "new"
> 
> Bright shiny objects.


She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys

That she calls "friends"

and, regarding someone who's been in a relationship with a disordered:

You can check out any time you like

But you can never leave!


----------



## angstire

ReGroup said:


> LOL...
> 
> I was told that because I never displayed rage, cursed at her, called her name, didn't express jealousy, let her go out... I didn't love her.
> 
> LOL
> 
> I love TAM


wowsers.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> It's actually why the 180 sometimes works to bring people back.
> 
> When the people that were supposed to love you were cold and distant, cold and distance becomes attractive in a partner.


Except with dis-ordereds. Absence makes the heart grow colder.

(which is a good thing)


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Except with dis-ordereds. Absence makes the heart grow colder.
> 
> (which is a good thing)


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## tom67

ThreeStrikes said:


> Except with dis-ordereds. Absence makes the heart grow colder.
> 
> (which is a good thing)


Foreigner - Cold as Ice with lyrics - YouTube


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> LOL...
> 
> I was told that because I never displayed rage, cursed at her, called her name, didn't express jealousy, let her go out... I didn't love her.
> 
> LOL
> 
> I love TAM


Sort of the same here. 

When he noticed I had stopped reacting to his rants, I was told I didn't love or care about him anymore.

Truth was I was just tired of reacting to his temper tantrums.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Except with dis-ordereds. Absence makes the heart grow colder.
> 
> (which is a good thing)


I stopped talking to STBX, stopped replying to text/email, stopped reacting to her rants.

She got angrier and angrier. 

She couldn't even sit in a meeting room with me without going off. 

This has effectively held up the divorce by several months and cost us tens of thousands of dollars.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Ceegee said:


> I stopped talking to STBX, stopped replying to text/email, stopped reacting to her rants.
> 
> She got angrier and angrier.
> 
> She couldn't even sit in a meeting room with me without going off.
> 
> This has effectively held up the divorce by several months and cost us tens of thousands of dollars.


Observe Script's STBX's behavior right now.

I think he said she texted "Go to H3LL" ten times in a row the other night.

Dis-ordereds blame you for abandoning them, which creates anger and resentment in a snowballing manner. 

In other words, the Ice Queen cometh.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash, it is very hard for me to interact socially because both of my parents were dysfunctional in their relationship and in their dealings with others. I cannot ever remember either of my parents ever apologizing for anything to each other or anyone else, ever. In my father's culture, apology and remorse do not exist in the same way as in Western culture. Shame rather than guilt are the basis of order.

In my mother's family there were 17 or 18 kids who grew up in the depression. So inside of such a large family there were constant battles. They did not discuss or communicate in but verbally bullied each other, competing to see who spoke the loudest and grabbed the fastest.

Over time I slowly realized that I muffed a lot of social norms, but I can see that someone like Mrs RG just doesn't get it at all. She cannot read people. She cannot even understand ReGroup, despite having lived together. Mindboggling. How could RG stand living with her?

RG, you must be so relieved to know that sleeping with her would be a mistake (unwise choice). You can feel in advance that the aftermath would be a disaster.


----------



## Mavash.

LW it's hard for me to interact socially as well. With childhoods like ours I think it's to be expected.

I've had enough therapy where I can socialize when necessary (I have 3 kids) but its not my favorite thing to do. I'm a hermit. I can totally entertain myself.


----------



## Ms. GP

Hey LW and Mavash have you guys studied the dynamics of the alcoholic family. You two both sound like classic examples of the lost child. I think GP and are examples of the hero child. We both are pretty outgoing. Not to say I don't have other problems. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Yes I've studied everything. Lol. Surprisingly I'm outgoing and if you met me in real life you'd never suspect I'm a loner. I'm quite personable,

My sister was the lost child. I was the hero but as I've healed and aged this label no longer applies.

I'm just me.


----------



## Mavash.

Oldest child, made straight A's, did everything right, took care of my parents needs, became a CPA, bought the right house, married the right guy, drove the right car, maintained the perfect weight, the perfect look, the perfect life....

Oh yeah I was a total hero. 

I was PERFECT.

GAG.....

Perfect sucks!!!!


----------



## happyman64

Mavash. said:


> Yes I've studied everything. Lol. Surprisingly I'm outgoing and if you met me in real life you'd never suspect I'm a loner. I'm quite personable,
> 
> My sister was the lost child. I was the hero but as I've healed and aged this label no longer applies.
> 
> I'm just me.


Hah Mavash!

You remind me of myself.

Outgoing in sales on the outside, happy being alone with a good book all by myself..


God disrupted my plans however by forcing me to fall in love with a female extrovert who can talk for hours without taking a single breath and blessing me with 3 daughters.

As you can see my house will never be quiet again!!

HM


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Yes I've studied everything. Lol. Surprisingly I'm outgoing and if you met me in real life you'd never suspect I'm a loner. I'm quite personable,
> 
> My sister was the lost child. I was the hero but as I've healed and aged this label no longer applies.
> 
> *I'm just me.*


That's what happened to me. I ended just being an odd individual and a loner.


----------



## Ms. GP

Mavash. said:


> Oldest child, made straight A's, did everything right, took care of my parents needs, became a CPA, bought the right house, married the right guy, drove the right car, maintained the perfect weight, the perfect look, the perfect life....
> 
> Oh yeah I was a total hero.
> 
> I was PERFECT.
> 
> GAG.....
> 
> Perfect sucks!!!!


Me too until I became a drug addict that is. Perfect does suck!! I agree. Normal is just a setting on the dryer.


----------



## LongWalk

Did you look at the pic?


----------



## Ms. GP

Yes. Good pic. Cute chick. Pretty eyes. Good job.


----------



## LongWalk

Ms. GP said:


> Me too until I became a drug addict that is. Perfect does suck!! I agree. Normal is just a setting on the dryer.


Your addiction was terrible but it could have been worse, as you well know. A first cousin of mine, whose father dished out emotional abuse similar to what I experienced, got into LSD in high school.

He ended up unconscious by the side the road in winter and damaged a kidney so badly it had to removed. Six or seven years ago I became FB friends his high school girlfriend. Her FB pictures drive me nuts. She was the most beautiful hippy chick from the early 70s. Anyway, she told me that my cousin had suffered brain damage from LSD. I am afraid that she is correct. He does not act quite right.

His profession? Clinical psychologist. He was booted from the PhD program at Columbia for holding outlandish opinions. He transferred to NYU and got his degree.

Another first cousin, whose father also carried out the tradition of hating the eldest son does what for a living? Psychiatrist.


----------



## Ms. GP

I agree totally. When I was in treatment there was another pharmacist there who I am pretty sure had brain damage. All I could think was there before the grace of God go I.


----------



## Tron

Ms. GP said:


> I agree totally. When I was in treatment there was another pharmacist there who I am pretty sure had brain damage. All I could think was there before the grace of God go I.


Now go live that second life you just got, and live it the best way possible. Show GP that his faith in you isn't misplaced.

And I concur. Striking eyes. Good job LW!


----------



## Conrad

Ms. GP said:


> I agree totally. When I was in treatment there was another pharmacist there who I am pretty sure had brain damage


You do know that privacy regulations prevent you from outing me


----------



## Ms. GP

Conrad said:


> You do know that privacy regulations prevent you from outing me


Lol. Ha ha. It was a woman. In fact when we first got there we had to take an IQ test and again before we left. Her scores were so bad she has to retest in six months. She had several seizures there and couldn't remember anything you told her. Scary.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Ms. GP said:


> Lol. Ha ha. It was a woman. In fact when we first got there we had to take an IQ test and again before we left. Her scores were so bad she has to retest in six months. She had several seizures there and couldn't remember anything you told her. Scary.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do we know Conrad is really a man?


----------



## Conrad

Ms. GP said:


> Lol. Ha ha. It was a woman. In fact when we first got there we had to take an IQ test and again before we left. Her scores were so bad she has to retest in six months. She had several seizures there and couldn't remember anything you told her. Scary.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Couldn't remember anything I told her?

Sounds like CeeGee.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Couldn't remember anything I told her?
> 
> Sounds like CeeGee.


Well I have been seizing a lot lately.


----------



## Mavash.

happyman64 said:


> Hah Mavash!
> 
> You remind me of myself.
> 
> Outgoing in sales on the outside, happy being alone with a good book all by myself..
> 
> God disrupted my plans however by forcing me to fall in love with a female extrovert who can talk for hours without taking a single breath and blessing me with 3 daughters.
> 
> As you can see my house will never be quiet again!!
> 
> HM


This is totally me only I married an introvert. 

I don't have it in me to live with someone who talks a lot. LOL

Are your kids introverted or extroverted?

Mine are introverted so my house is quiet.


----------



## Mavash.

Ms. GP said:


> Me too until I became a drug addict that is. Perfect does suck!! I agree. Normal is just a setting on the dryer.


Know what the second hardest part about not being perfect is?

Getting other people to accept it

Nobody believed that I wasn't in fact perfect. :scratchhead:


----------



## smallsteps

Hey RG

I pm'd you in more detail what my friend said but short version, she said 6-9 months because courts are backed up and she's not 100% sure but she thinks a lawyer has to file the finished paperwork with the court.


----------



## LongWalk

Ms. GP said:


> Yes. Good pic. Cute chick. Pretty eyes. Good job.


Wow, the moderators deleted the pic and my post and your post and all but one of my photos. My album is down to just one photo. I guess they want to protect privacy. Good of them.

I had one photo of my daughters without their faces showing.


----------



## happyman64

Mavash. said:


> This is totally me only I married an introvert.
> 
> I don't have it in me to live with someone who talks a lot. LOL
> 
> Are your kids introverted or extroverted?
> 
> Mine are introverted so my house is quiet.


19yo - Extrovert, aggressive
13yo - Thinks she is shy, never shuts up like her mother, never needs to breathe and the nicest, most caring person.
11yo - Very shy but terrible temper. Very athletic and knows she is as tough as any boy.

All different but very funny in their own ways.


----------



## Pbartender

Ms. GP said:


> Normal is just a setting on the dryer.


It's also a town in Illinois.


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> Hey RG
> 
> I pm'd you in more detail what my friend said but short version, she said 6-9 months because courts are backed up and she's not 100% sure but she thinks a lawyer has to file the finished paperwork with the court.


Divorce is a growth business in NY

Government of the lawyer, by the lawyer, for the lawyer.


----------



## smallsteps

Conrad said:


> Divorce is a growth business in NY
> 
> Government of the lawyer, by the lawyer, for the lawyer.


Yup, my friend told me I'd be surprised how many couples just stay married because it could get so expensive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> Divorce is a growth business in NY
> 
> Government of the lawyer, by the lawyer, for the lawyer.


Not just NY, I'm afraid.

And whats with all the lawyer bashing C? Lawyers gotta make a living too, just like pharmacists...pushing paper or pushing pills...only difference is the product.


----------



## Mavash.

I think dysfunction is a growing business all around.

People everywhere have learned how to make money on our pain.


----------



## Mavash.

My disclaimer is there are people out there who truly wish to help you heal.

Gotta search a bit to find them but they are out there.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Not just NY, I'm afraid.
> 
> And whats with all the lawyer bashing C? Lawyers gotta make a living too, just like pharmacists...pushing paper or pushing pills...only difference is the product.


Pharmacists don't have any equivalent to Washington DC

Although Ms. GP and I likely wonder what would actually happen if 535 pharmacists worked together side-by-side for generations on end?

I mean, could it possibly be more corrupt?


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> Pharmacists don't have any equivalent to Washington DC
> 
> Although Ms. GP and I likely wonder what would actually happen if 535 pharmacists worked together side-by-side for generations on end?
> 
> I mean, could it possibly be more corrupt?


Big Pharma doesn't screw us out of our money? Doesn't make you wonder when the same pill that costs $0.1 apiece in Central America costs $1 up here. Or why people travel to Canada to get their prescriptions filled for half the price. 

Dunno Conrad but it seems to me it is only a matter of scale.


----------



## Mavash.

I also think lawyers get a bad reputation. A few are ambulance chasers but most are just trying to make a living. Most after they leave court are headed out to lunch, laughing, not taking any of this seriously and later they go home to coach little league.

It's just a job. 

Dysfunction creates the need for more cops (like my husband) but he didn't cause this. He was born to protect and serve.


----------



## Mavash.

Tron said:


> Big Pharma doesn't screw us out of our money? Doesn't make you wonder when the same pill that costs $0.1 apiece in Central America costs $1 up here. Or why people travel to Canada to get their prescriptions filled for half the price.
> 
> Dunno Conrad but it seems to me it is only a matter of scale.


There is a woman here who I chatted with offline for a while. She got out of the pharmacy business for this very reason.

It haunted her to see people having to choose between buying groceries or getting their medications.

I don't claim to know why meds cost so much here I just think it's sad.


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> :iagree:School is coming up serve her at work.


serve her at work

1st day of staff meetings

with all the teachers, admin and other psychs


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> I mean, could it possibly be more corrupt?


I don't know if it's true, and it may just be my cynical attitude towards both Washington and Big Pharma. But if Big Pharma had the opportunity to create a cure for a disease, would they really want to if they could make a hundred times more money just treating the symptoms? I hate that I even think that. 

Thread jack over. Sorry RG, this belongs in Politics & Religion.


----------



## ReGroup

This Our Thread - no such thing as Thread Jacking here. Unless there is Yankee - Speak.

Got a call from Team RG, he left a voicemail and basically said: Her attorney wants nothing to do with her.

WTF. I wonder what happened. The guy actually did resign. I didn't think that was possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> This Our Thread - no such thing as Thread Jacking here. Unless there is Yankee - Speak.
> 
> Got a call from Team RG, he left a voicemail and basically said: Her attorney wants nothing to do with her.
> 
> WTF. I wonder what happened. The guy actually did resign. I didn't think that was possible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow that's really bad.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> WTF. I wonder what happened. The guy actually did resign. I didn't think that was possible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm a CPA and yes it's possible.

I've had clients I refused to work with for various reasons.

I knew Mrs RG was telling the truth on this.

My bet is one of two reasons.

Her beyond, crappy, crazy communication or she didn't pay him.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Big Pharma doesn't screw us out of our money? Doesn't make you wonder when the same pill that costs $0.1 apiece in Central America costs $1 up here. Or why people travel to Canada to get their prescriptions filled for half the price.
> 
> Dunno Conrad but it seems to me it is only a matter of scale.


Big Pharma doesn't have anything to do with pharmacists.

They find us too expensive to employ


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I'm a CPA and yes it's possible.
> 
> I've had clients I refused to work with for various reasons.
> 
> I knew Mrs RG was telling the truth on this.
> 
> My bet is one of two reasons.
> 
> Her beyond, crappy, crazy communication or she didn't pay him.


Likely a combination of both.


----------



## Mavash.

RG there isn't enough money out there to make me work with your wife.

She irritates me from here and I don't even know her.

LOL


----------



## Chuck71

Tron said:


> Not just NY, I'm afraid.
> 
> And whats with all the lawyer bashing C? Lawyers gotta make a living too, just like pharmacists...pushing paper or pushing pills...only difference is the product.


selling skin

selling God

the numbers are the same on the credit card


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> This Our Thread - no such thing as Thread Jacking here. Unless there is Yankee - Speak.
> 
> Got a call from Team RG, he left a voicemail and basically said: Her attorney wants nothing to do with her.
> 
> WTF. I wonder what happened. The guy actually did resign. I didn't think that was possible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She told you some time ago that he couldn't deal with her. Proves that lawyers will not do anything for money. He might wear a Mrs RG jacket if the bar allows such treatment of former clients.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> She told you some time ago that he couldn't deal with her. Proves that lawyers will not do anything for money. He might wear a Mrs RG jacket if the bar allows such treatment of former clients.


Who was I married to?

(asking myself)


----------



## Tron

chuck71 said:


> selling skin
> 
> selling god
> 
> the numbers are the same on the credit card


Now that is CYNICAL! Sheeeesh!


----------



## Mavash.

LongWalk said:


> She told you some time ago that he couldn't deal with her. Proves that lawyers will not do anything for money.


Dealing with crazy clients also puts you at risk for lawsuits.

As a CPA I wouldn't put my license on the line for someone who isn't all there.

Next thing I know I'm being accused of being unethical and well I'd rather not go there if you know what I mean.


----------



## ReGroup

Just called St. John's... They haven't been notified of D4's disenrollment.

Admin Woman: We have not been notified. RG, you paid a month already. What's going on.

RG: I do not know.

AW: Talk to her. I don't want you getting stuck. You are losing that money.

RG: She told me she took her out.

AW: Not possible. I am in charge of these types of things. Talk to her hun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Just called St. John's... They haven't been notified of D4's disenrollment.
> 
> Admin Woman: We have not been notified. RG, you paid a month already. What's going on.
> 
> RG: I do not know.
> 
> AW: Talk to her. I don't want you getting stuck. You are losing that money.
> 
> RG: She told me she took her out.
> 
> AW: Not possible. I am in charge of these types of things. Talk to her hun.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is this your problem?


----------



## ReGroup

The account is in my name Chip.

I am getting notifications via email about past due payments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> The account is in my name Chip.
> 
> I am getting notifications via email about past due payments.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Write them a letter and tell them she won't be attending.

If you're on the hook for the first semester, deduct that from monies you send to STBXW.


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> Write them a letter and tell them she won't be attending.
> 
> If you're on the hook for the first semester, deduct that from monies you send to STBXW.


This! She should have informed you where your D4 goes to school.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Write them a letter and tell them she won't be attending.
> 
> If you're on the hook for the first semester, deduct that from monies you send to STBXW.


I'll third this recommendation.

Deal with YOUR part of the problem not hers.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> I'll third this recommendation.
> 
> Deal with YOUR part of the problem not hers.


In the process, she may learn the price of this sort of reckless disregard for her child's father.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

I would cut off all monies. All. ALL!

You have no court order. You have no divorce decree. 

She wants daycare? She can pay for it. She wants pre-school? She can pay for it.

Stop paying for anything. That will motivate her to get this D done.

And don't tell me you're doing it for D4. You could get custody and hire a decent nanny, you know?


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> I would cut off all monies. All. ALL!
> 
> You have no court order. You have no divorce decree.
> 
> She wants daycare? She can pay for it. She wants pre-school? She can pay for it.
> 
> Stop paying for anything. That will motivate her to get this D done.
> 
> And don't tell me you're doing it for D4. You could get custody and hire a decent nanny, you know?


I've considered giving this advice as well.

Playing nice nice isn't working and if she doesn't respond AFTER RG files then it's time to go nuclear.

Agree.


----------



## Conrad

How about something like this:

Mrs. RG,

I was informed today that D4 isn't attending the school I'm paying.

As a result, I've re-thought the monies I'm paying for her support.

Since I'm not included on basic parenting decisions involving her, there will be no more monies sent until our divorce is final.


----------



## vi_bride04

Damn RG - nothing official? And you still pay that crazy woman? And you don't know where your D lives or goes to school...???? 

W
T
F
??

I'm sure stopping the money will light a fire so fast under crazy womans behind to get this divorce done it will make your head spin.


----------



## ReGroup

Let's talk about this.

When she gives me the: You can't see your daughter.

Then, what then?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Let's talk about this.
> 
> When she gives me the: You can't see your daughter.
> 
> Then, what then?


You already don't see her.

Drive the divorce.

Keep in mind, there is NO WAY posOM will stand for no child-free weekends.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Let's talk about this.
> 
> When she gives me the: You can't see your daughter.
> 
> Then, what then?


Agree you already don't see her.

RG I hate to be harsh but I see my kids FRIENDS more than you see your own daughter.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Agree you already don't see her.
> 
> RG I hate to be harsh but I see my kids FRIENDS more than you see your own daughter.


She moved and didn't even tell you where your daughter went.

Or who she was living with.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Let's talk about this.
> 
> When she gives me the: You can't see your daughter.
> 
> Then, what then?


You go to court and ask for visitation. You are entitled to more than you have already. No biggie. 

It will eventually get ugly. No sense in delaying it I think.


----------



## ReGroup

You guys know what this means right???

I been on board with the panel's suggestions since February... why change it now?

Team RG is calling me in a hour. 

After that, I am unleashing hell.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> You guys know what this means right???
> 
> I been on board with the panel's suggestions since February... why change it now?
> 
> Team RG is calling me in a hour.
> 
> After that, I am unleashing hell.


:FIREdevil::FIREdevil:issed:


----------



## Mavash.

You know now that I think about it if you do this strategically THEN file it will be the most brilliant move ever. Next to PB's support move with his Ex that is.

Time it so that you cut her off THEN she gets served and you send the message loud and clear that you mean business. 

I like it!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Lifescript said:


> You go to court and ask for visitation. You are entitled to more than you have already. No biggie.
> 
> It will eventually get ugly. No sense in delaying it I think.


Not only that, you go to court with evidence of what a great father you are. Take courses on single father parenting, coparenting courses and the likes.

Time to be more proactive in regards to your daughter.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> You know now that I think about it if you do this strategically THEN file it will be the most brilliant move ever. Next to PB's support move with his Ex that is.
> 
> Time it so that you cut her off THEN she gets served and you send the message loud and clear that you mean business.
> 
> I like it!


This thread is going to double in length


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> This thread is going to double in length


As Ernie Banks used to say "let's play two."


----------



## tom67

RG is stepping up I am ok with this.


----------



## Mavash.

Far as I'm concerned this game changed once she moved in with PosOM.


----------



## Ceegee

After you do this go completely dark on her. 

The only time you should be talking to her is regarding D4 and she's not including you in decisions anyway. 

There is 0 reason to be talking with her.


----------



## ReGroup

This is going to be Masculine Mettle on Steroids.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

If she withholds visitation from you, you can use that against her in court.

Put the $ you were paying her into a separate account and don't touch it. That way, if the court orders you to pay retro-payments, the money is there and it won't put a strain on you.

If the court says you don't owe her back-pay, then use it to throw a [email protected]$$ party 

Go for joint custody. I know you don't think it's feasible, but I bet you could find a way to make it work. It might mean finding a nanny, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Probably better than D4 spending time with Crazy.


----------



## smallsteps

Go for it!!


----------



## GutPunch

She is going to flip her shyt. I need to find a Richter scale and see if I can pick up Mount Mrs. ReGroup erupt from here in Alabama. 

FAN shirt is on, popcorn popping, DEFCON 5 approaches.


----------



## Conrad

Make sure the nanny is cute.


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> This thread is going to double in length


Imagine if this thread made it to 600 pages...that would almost be all the proof you need that your STBX is some special kind of crazy.

You sure you don't want to try and get full custody? Or at least half?


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> This is going to be Masculine Mettle on Steroids.


Today is the day when you finally had enough of this abuse/disrespect this is a good day!


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> Make sure the nanny is cute.


Puff of greasy smoke anticipated.


----------



## tom67

tom67 said:


> Today is the day when you finally had enough of this abuse/disrespect this is a good day!


And the cubs are being delayed by rain, couldn't happen to a nicer team.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Make sure the nanny is cute.


Tell her she is pregnant with your kid.:FIREdevil: Bad thoughts nevermind


----------



## tom67

Break out the fan club jerseys!


----------



## Tron

GutPunch said:


> She is going to flip her shyt. I need to find a Richter scale and see if I can pick up Mount Mrs. ReGroup erupt from here in Alabama.
> 
> FAN shirt is on, popcorn popping, DEFCON 5 approaches.


And just in time for the weekend. :toast:


----------



## tom67

Tron said:


> And just in time for the weekend. :toast:


Azz notch texting right around the corner.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ThreeStrikes said:


> If she withholds visitation from you, you can use that against her in court.
> 
> Put the $ you were paying her into a separate account and don't touch it. That way, if the court orders you to pay retro-payments, the money is there and it won't put a strain on you.
> 
> If the court says you don't owe her back-pay, then use it to throw a [email protected]$$ party
> 
> Go for joint custody. I know you don't think it's feasible, but I bet you could find a way to make it work. It might mean finding a nanny, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Probably better than D4 spending time with Crazy.


TS is absolutely right here. My lawyer told me if she refused to let me see DS is plays in my favor in court and the judge would give me weekends right away which is what you have right now. 

Also, look into finding another job somewhere closer. The less time the little spends with Mrs. RG the better.


----------



## Awakening2012

Ceegee said:


> How do we know Conrad is really a man?


Especially considering he told us that he had a past involvement who loved it when men fought over him


----------



## Conrad

Awakening2012 said:


> Especially considering he told us that he had a past involvement who loved it when men fought over him


It would simply kill my alpha bad boy image to be a girl.


----------



## Ms. GP

Alpha bad boy image??!! You can't even manage to get banned properly. Amateur. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Ms. GP said:


> Alpha bad boy image??!! You can't even manage to get banned properly. Amateur.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He had a nice run a few months ago


----------



## Conrad

Ms. GP said:


> Alpha bad boy image??!! You can't even manage to get banned properly. Amateur.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I could likely get it done if my wife displayed enough bad taste to log on here and start making penis jokes.


----------



## Ms. GP

Touche!!! Good one. I like your style man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> I could likely get it done if my wife displayed enough bad taste to log on here and start making penis jokes.


Goodness gracious!


----------



## Ms. GP

Mabye you should. Or are you skeered?!! Bwock bwock bwock
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

This better not happen when I am at football practice.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> This better not happen when I am at football practice.


What, the penis jokes?


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> What, the penis jokes?


Mrs. ReGroup's meltdown.


----------



## Ms. GP

GutPunch said:


> This better not happen when I am at football practice.



I'm not touching that one with a 10 foot pole!! No pun intended. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Ms. GP said:


> I'm not touching that one with a 10 foot pole!! No pun intended.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're gonna get banned again.


----------



## Conrad

Bring on the cheap, balding, show stealing, FAN, with evil sperm!








[/QUOTE]


----------



## ReGroup

Next Friday is the next payment due so get ready for the ride.

Team RG never called me back.

I listened to the message again and he said that her attorney told him: That's she's a pain in the neck and wanted nothing to do with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

We need some music for next week Star Wars - Imperial March, Theme Song! - YouTube


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

You should seek sole custody. Here on TAM you have documented her behavior extensively. If you package it correctly as a diary and add asterixis for a few key points, such as the FAN email, including footnotes to explain that notches was a misspelling. Note that her lawyer resigned from her case.

You may not win sole custody but if you do you can hired a nanny. Conrad said that she should be cute. You drop off D in the morning. Nanny picks her up, plays with her, cooks dinner five days a week.

On the weekends you hit the fun places in NYC, museum of modern art, Central Park, Mets games, etc. You are sure to met some yummy mummies (single, separated or divorced).

Don't let Mrs RG ruin your DNA.


----------



## GutPunch

She's going to have to pay another lawyer a big fat retainer. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LovingHusband414

LongWalk said:


> RG,
> 
> You should seek sole custody. Here on TAM you have documented her behavior extensively. If you package it correctly as a diary and add asterixis for a few key points, such as the FAN email, including footnotes to explain that notches was a misspelling. Note that her lawyer resigned from her case.
> 
> You may not win sole custody but if you do you can hired a nanny. Conrad said that she should be cute. You drop off D in the morning. Nanny picks her up, plays with her, cooks dinner five days a week.
> 
> On the weekends you hit the fun places in NYC, museum of modern art, Central Park, Mets games, etc. You are sure to met some yummy mummies (single, separated or divorced).
> 
> Don't let Mrs RG ruin your DNA.


THIS!! After catching up on your thread RG, I was thinking the same thing!!


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Next Friday is the next payment due so get ready for the ride.
> 
> Team RG never called me back.
> 
> I listened to the message again and he said that her attorney told him: That's she's a pain in the neck and wanted nothing to do with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get him a jersey.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Get him a jersey.


And subpoena him:lol::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> And subpoena him:lol::rofl::rofl:


Get him a login.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Get him a login.


He's gonna want to vent, we'll only charge $300 an hour.


----------



## Conrad

I'm smiling just imagining what those phone calls were like.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> I'm smiling just imagining what those phone calls were like.


Only Mrs RG could make me feel bad for an attorney.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Only Mrs RG could make me feel bad for an attorney.


Let's not get carried away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I can't stop listening.

It's like Team RG felt bad for the guy.

I wish I could post it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I can't stop listening.
> 
> It's like Team RG felt bad for the guy.
> 
> I wish I could post it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You do realize how special she is, don't you?


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I can't stop listening.
> 
> It's like Team RG felt bad for the guy.
> 
> I wish I could post it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She'll be going through 2 more shysters before this is over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> You do realize how special she is, don't you?


Just ask her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

........even professionals who love to suck money out of people and see crazy on a daily basis dont want to have anything to do with her!!


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> You do realize how special she is, don't you?


Now I know what she looks at 50K.

You guys have been telling me for months. A part of me doesn't want to believe it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Now I know what she looks at 50K.
> 
> You guys have been telling me for months. A part of me doesn't want to believe it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Kick that part's A$$!


----------



## Conrad

vi_bride04 said:


> ........even professionals who love to suck money out of people and see crazy on a daily basis dont want to have anything to do with her!!


She wanted her attorney to fight for her.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> She wanted her attorney to fight for her.


Lol

And RG didn't fight for her either. Shame on you RG!


----------



## tom67

She reminds of Dwayne Wades crazy ex outside of court claiming she's broke and homeless but she also kidnapped the kids. Ah she lost custody. Quite bizarre.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tron

Conrad said:


> She wanted her attorney to fight for her.


Priceless!

:rofl:


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Only Mrs RG could make me feel bad for an attorney.


It's like a bad joke.

What must one do to get fired by an attorney? 

What does that say about YOU?

LOL

RG I hope you're counting your blessings right about now.


----------



## tom67

I walked right by them that day was like wth


----------



## LongWalk

tom67 said:


> And subpoena him:lol::rofl::rofl:


Nice idea, but lawyers make the rules and they do not give witness. OK, maybe you can get a letter to say he was her attorney from date X to Y. That is also a good fact to present in court.


----------



## LongWalk

:rofl::rofl:


Tron said:


> Priceless!
> 
> :rofl:


The images. Mother of God. The images. I see him running after her down the street with his briefcase, begging to be able to continue her case. His feelings for her are just too strong to deny.


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> Nice idea, but lawyers make the rules and they do not give witness. OK, maybe you can get a letter to say he was her attorney from date X to Y. That is also a good fact to present in court.


No I know client privilege it's fun to dream.


----------



## ReGroup

Finally spoke with Team RG.

He advised against Operation: Starve Her Out. Though, I am still on board with the plan.

He said, "It's not against the law, but it can open up more problems down the road."

Team RG: I'm going to be honest with you. Divorce is expensive. Some people continue married and move forward in there own way. 

We would have to start off from scratch here. 

She doesn't have an attorney, if you want to move on (more problems). She aggrevated her lawyer to a point that he doesn't want anything to do with her family. See, he is a family friend, who was doing a favor for her father. She stopped paying him and demanded more services.

RG: I have been on that side of the aggrevation. 

Team RG: (Laughing) So you know what he dealt with. She was b*tching and complaining about actual NY State guidelines. I ran the numbers correct.

You can sit on this; or you'll have to move this forward yourself. - you seem to be a stand up guy - I hate that you have to deal with her and I haven't even met her.

There will be a court date, because I child is involved. More expenses. My advice? Sit on it. But it's a decision you'll have to make.

RG: I think we're going to continue our friendship you and I. Let me think about it this weekend. And get back to you on Monday or Tuesday.


----------



## Mavash.

RG lawyers will never tell you to starve someone out.

They can't/shouldn't.

It's not what they were trained to do and it violates everything they stand for.

I started to warn you yesterday that he wouldn't support this plan but knew you would find out on your own.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG lawyers will never tell you to starve someone out.
> 
> They can't/shouldn't.
> 
> It's not what they were trained to do and it violates everything they stand for.
> 
> I started to warn you yesterday that he wouldn't support this plan but knew you would find out on your own.


Mavi, 

Should I give her warning or catch her by surprise???

In regards to the child support.


----------



## tom67

Ok let's put the divorce on the back burner but what about a set child visitation plan that should not be that expensive wth. I mean custody plan sorry.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Your lawyer stinks.


----------



## Conrad

Any possibility of changing attorneys?


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> Your lawyer stinks.


My friend had both a lawyer and a friend who was a legal assistant. The legal assistant was aggressive the lawyer was not.

To get an aggressive lawyer you're likely going to pay dearly for him/her.

RG doesn't need that - we can teach him how to manipulate for free. 

If cutting her off doesn't work then he should consider switching lawyers.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Any possibility of changing attorneys?


I like the guy. He was just running scenerios by me.

He's going to do what I instruct him to do.


----------



## Awakening2012

RG - 

Either I do not understand your attorney's advice, or I question his motivation in saying it is expensive, why not sit on it. I thought you aready have a separation agreement that both you and Mrs. RG finally reached accord on, after some considerable wrangling.

At the very least, why not get that piece filed, as you acknowldegd you could do yourslef without a lawyer. After which, an uncontested divorce should NOT be that expensive. Aren't the custody issues sorted out in the SA, and what are the terms?

Sorry if I missed something, but I don't get why your lawyer seems intent on taking you back to square one.

Warm Regards,- A12


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mavi,
> 
> Should I give her warning or catch her by surprise???
> 
> In regards to the child support.


Part of me thinks okay send the email Conrad wrote.

But part of me thinks she won't comprehend a word you say.

I can see benefits to both telling and catching her by surprise.

Still thinking....


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> My friend had both a lawyer and a friend who was a legal assistant. The legal assistant was aggressive the lawyer was not.
> 
> To get an aggressive lawyer you're likely going to pay dearly for him/her.
> 
> RG doesn't need that - we can teach him how to manipulate for free.
> 
> If cutting her off doesn't work then he should consider switching lawyers.


I respectfully disagree.

I'd hire a shark. It doesn't necessarily mean it will cost a lot of $. 

She absconded with his kid. She did not provide an address. She removed D4 from a school he had paid for. She doesn't respect visitation times.

The only way to deal with her is legally.

But, RG can do as he pleases.

Maybe my tolerance for this nonsense is not as great as his


----------



## Mavash.

My friend had a husband who didn't want the divorce for whatever reason. Her legal assistant was the aggressive one. Within a year of her filing she had gotten 2 court dates which were both continued by him and his counsel.

He signed the papers two weeks before the real trial when he was out of continuances.

Thing is RG has yet to file so the clock doesn't start ticking until then.

So it is as if he's at ground zero.


----------



## tom67

ThreeStrikes said:


> I respectfully disagree.
> 
> I'd hire a shark. It doesn't necessarily mean it will cost a lot of $.
> 
> She absconded with his kid. She did not provide an address. She removed D4 from a school he had paid for. She doesn't respect visitation times.
> 
> The only way to deal with her is legally.
> 
> But, RG can do as he pleases.
> 
> Maybe my tolerance for this nonsense is not as great as his


The kid sounds like she needs therapy already.:iagree:


----------



## vi_bride04

I filed on my own and didn't' retain a lawyer until about a month before court. 

You don't need a lawyer to file. This isn't going to even begin to be over until something is filed. Start the clock. 

You really can't enforce anything until something official and legal is done anywas. File. There should be custody/visitation worksheets you can fill out and file at the same time. MrsRG will be forced to do something about it. 

If you do not do something, this situation will continue as it has been. B/c she will do nothing.


----------



## smallsteps

Laws are different in NY. RG said he checked with his lawyer and pretty much everything my friend said was right.

Is a shame, it really is.


----------



## tom67

vi_bride04 said:


> I filed on my own and didn't' retain a lawyer until about a month before court.
> 
> You don't need a lawyer to file. This isn't going to even begin to be over until something is filed. Start the clock.
> 
> You really can't enforce anything until something official and legal is done anywas. File. There should be custody/visitation worksheets you can fill out and file at the same time. MrsRG will be forced to do something about it.
> 
> If you do not do something, this situation will continue as it has been. B/c she will do nothing.


Exactly! Not like she can get any crazier at least I don't think that's possible.


----------



## vi_bride04

tom67 said:


> Exactly! Not like she can get any crazier at least I don't think that's possible.


....ANYTHING is possible in life.....


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> Laws are different in NY. RG said he checked with his lawyer and pretty much everything my friend said was right.
> 
> Is a shame, it really is.


NY actually requires you to retain an attorney for real-estate transactions.

Politicians will tell you that's "for your own protection"

Sure it is.


----------



## smallsteps

Conrad said:


> NY actually requires you to retain an attorney for real-estate transactions.
> 
> Politicians will tell you that's "for your own protection"
> 
> Sure it is.


New Jersey too. When I bought my house here the first thing I had to do was hire an attorney.

Gotta love those politicians!!! Always looking out for the people.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> NY actually requires you to retain an attorney for real-estate transactions.
> 
> Politicians will tell you that's "for your own protection"
> 
> Sure it is.


Have you noticed most politicians are attorneys!

What a racket.....


----------



## smallsteps

happyman64 said:


> have you noticed most politicians are attorneys!
> 
> What a racket.....


true!!


----------



## Mavash.

Back to RG.

Interesting thing about life is that somehow someway it works out just as it is supposed to.

The universe gives us many chances to get it right.

All we have to do is take one of them.


----------



## ReGroup

I need a plan.

Operation Starve Her Out is a go. I plan to save the money. 
See what money I can gather to move this thing forward.
Research official parenting schedules in the event I can't come up with Divorce money.
Pray.

My calls to D4 have gone unanswered this week. Don't know what's going on.

Vacation to The Motherland this December might get shelved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I need a plan.
> 
> Operation Starve Her Out is a go. I plan to save the money.
> See what money I can gather to move this thing forward.
> Research official parenting schedules in the event I can't come up with Divorce money.
> Pray.
> 
> My calls to D4 have gone unanswered this week. Don't know what's going on.
> 
> Vacation to The Motherland this December might get shelved.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Official parenting schedules can very but I found a lot of that stuff online very easily. I strongly suggest looking up government run or supported courses, they may become helpful in court. Single parenting, coparenting, divorce class and the like.

Start logging everything, calls that aren't being answered, etc etc. Do it in a book, be clean about it.


----------



## Ceegee

This...



ReGroup said:


> My calls to D4 have gone unanswered this week.


Makes this...



ReGroup said:


> Operation Starve Her Out is a go.


An easy decision.

ray:


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I need a plan.
> 
> Operation Starve Her Out is a go. I plan to save the money.
> See what money I can gather to move this thing forward.
> Research official parenting schedules in the event I can't come up with Divorce money.
> Pray.
> 
> My calls to D4 have gone unanswered this week. Don't know what's going on.
> 
> Vacation to The Motherland this December might get shelved.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Next exchange bring a var with you and get more ammo on the record so to speak.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> Back to RG.
> 
> Interesting thing about life is that somehow someway it works out just as it is supposed to.
> 
> The universe gives us many chances to get it right.
> 
> All we have to do is take one of them.


I have seen way too much of life to realize this is not true.

It's wishful thinking.

Go visit some third world country.

The universe could give a rat's a$$ about you, or anyone.

Take the bull by the horns. Steer your own course. Don't let some crazy person decide your future.

(I still like you, Mavash )


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> I need a plan.
> 
> Operation Starve Her Out is a go. I plan to save the money.
> See what money I can gather to move this thing forward.
> Research official parenting schedules in the event I can't come up with Divorce money.
> Pray.
> 
> My calls to D4 have gone unanswered this week. Don't know what's going on.
> 
> Vacation to The Motherland this December might get shelved.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sounds like a beginning. Good.


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> I have seen way too much of life to realize this is not true.
> 
> It's wishful thinking.
> 
> Go visit some third world country.
> 
> The universe could give a rat's a$$ about you, or anyone.
> 
> Take the bull by the horns. Steer your own course. Don't let some crazy person decide your future.
> 
> (I still like you, Mavash )


I said WE have to TAKE the chance.

All action oriented.

Stories abound of people overcoming from god awful circumstances.

Doesn't happen often because most do nothing but accept their lot in life.

I think of my POS mother.

She NEEDED my abusive father for purpose in her life so in the end it worked out the exact way it was supposed to.

I NEEDED for her to exit my life because I ended up using this experience to help others.

Seeing purpose helps me deal with my own crappy life. 

Without this belief I might as well curl up in a ball and give up.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

Your wife has a job. She will only starve if she mismanages her finances. Child support you place in an account. Send you copies of the statement.

File for heavens sake.

We are doing the no D with BW. So, with you we have try the opposite. Seek full custody. You can document that Mrs RG is not right in the head.

"I want to live with Pappi," your daughter said.

Don't let her down, RG.

Mother takes daughter and does not reveal her location. That is wrong, wrong, wrong. Doesn't reveal what school she is attending, wrong, wrong, wrong.


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> (I still like you, Mavash )


Oh and I still like you too.

You give great advice.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> RG,
> 
> Your wife has a job. She will only starve if she mismanages her finances. Child support you place in an account. Send you copies of the statement.
> 
> File for heavens sake.
> 
> We are doing the no D with BW. So, with you we have try the opposite. Seek full custody. You can document that Mrs RG is not right in the head.
> 
> "I want to live with Pappi," your daughter said.
> 
> Don't let her down, RG.
> 
> Mother takes daughter and does not reveal her location. That is wrong, wrong, wrong. Doesn't reveal what school she is attending, wrong, wrong, wrong.


I am desperate enough to use the CS money for the damn Divorce.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I am desperate enough to use the CS money for the damn Divorce.


Hey money comes and money goes the damage she is doing to you you can recover, what your d may be going through, may never be repaired. If you can borrow from relatives, rob convenience stores if you have toyou get my point.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> This...
> 
> 
> 
> Makes this...
> 
> 
> 
> An easy decision.
> 
> ray:


Anyone else feel like this thread is a powderkeg?

(Oh, and I like everybody)


----------



## LongWalk

Hijack: *We could be heroes*

RG & Co here is another photo from me. At Friday glass of wine team building there was a woman I didn't know. She is still at U studying and came here for practical training.

On her arm tattooed were the words "We could be heroes", which come the Bowie song. I'll never forget it in a that depressing German movie Christiane F, the story of teenage heroin addict in Berlin. Good song.

I took her pic.


----------



## Ryo

RG is it legal to voice record conversations or phone calls in NY without consent? I'd start if it is. Here in NV it's not but I know it varies state to state. With consent I would still consider it, she's crazy enough to knowingly be crazy on tape.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> Hijack: *We could be heroes*
> 
> RG & Co here is another photo from me. At Friday glass of wine team building there was a woman I didn't know. She is still at U studying and came here for practical training.
> 
> On her arm tattooed were the words "We could be heroes", which come the Bowie song. I'll never forget it in a that depressing German movie Christiane F, the story of teenage heroin addict in Berlin. Good song.
> 
> I took her pic.


Nice pics brother. Seems like you are enjoying your Summer.

Finally, got in touch with my daughter. She kept kept the convo quick - doesn't like being on the phone anymore than I do.

Texted my counter part to have the settlement papers with her tomorrow. She hasn't responded back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Anyone else feel like this thread is a powderkeg?
> 
> (Oh, and I like everybody)


Chip, I feel like we are only in the second inning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BlueCalcite

Ryo said:


> RG is it legal to voice record conversations or phone calls in NY without consent? I'd start if it is. Here in NV it's not but I know it varies state to state. With consent I would still consider it, she's crazy enough to knowingly be crazy on tape.


Yes, it is legal in New York. It's a one-party consent state, so as long as you're part of the conversation, you can record it without telling the other party.

New York Recording Law | Digital Media Law Project


----------



## GutPunch

Voice recorder not good enough. I want this momentous occasion on YouTube. Mrs. ReGroup is gonna make the "Why don't you ever take me to the lake" wife lose her celebrity status.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Huh?

RG: The settlment papers I signed back in June.

Did you sign them?

Mrs. RG: RG. You signed them in July I signed and sent them back to your lawyer as directed over 2 weeks ago. 

RG: I signed on June 18th.

I spoke to Team RG today. He hasn't received anything.

Mrs. RG: His letter RG. I followed instructions. It was mailed to his Rockland county office. What the hell is going on?!?! 

I don't understand what is going on?!?!??!
--------------------
He has a office in Wall Street.

I am going to the bar.

I can't take this sh*t anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Huh?
> 
> RG: The settlment papers I signed back in June.
> 
> Did you sign them?
> 
> Mrs. RG: RG. You signed them in July I signed and sent them back to your lawyer as directed over 2 weeks ago.
> 
> RG: I signed on June 18th.
> 
> I spoke to Team RG today. He hasn't received anything.
> 
> Mrs. RG: His letter RG. I followed instructions. It was mailed to his Rockland county office. What the hell is going on?!?!
> 
> I don't understand what is going on?!?!??!
> --------------------
> He has a office in Wall Street.
> 
> I am going to the bar.
> 
> I can't take this sh*t anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry bro.


----------



## Mavash.

Yep sorry.


----------



## tom67

What the heck nutz
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Huh?
> 
> RG: The settlment papers I signed back in June.
> 
> Did you sign them?
> 
> Mrs. RG: RG. You signed them in July I signed and sent them back to your lawyer as directed over 2 weeks ago.
> 
> RG: I signed on June 18th.
> 
> I spoke to Team RG today. He hasn't received anything.
> 
> Mrs. RG: His letter RG. I followed instructions. It was mailed to his Rockland county office. What the hell is going on?!?!
> 
> I don't understand what is going on?!?!??!
> --------------------
> He has a office in Wall Street.
> 
> I am going to the bar.
> 
> I can't take this sh*t anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously?

That's all she has to do? Play the "check is in the mail" act? 

"I sent my payment. Really, I did". OMG

C'mon man! You cannot let a little thing like this get to you!

Serve her sorry a$$ while she's at work. The court will set a date for a hearing. She shows, or she's in contempt.

Good grief. Did you expect this to be easy? Really?

RG, it's time to play hardball. Not wiffle ball. Not T-ball. Not slowpitch, namby-pamby softball.

Hard. Ball. Put on your gear. It's gonna get ugly.


----------



## ReGroup

3x, I am... She's not getting another payment from me till this goes through.

I'm going to follow on the advice here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

I hesitated but I'm with 3strikes.

She's lying through her teeth.


----------



## happyman64

Mavash. said:


> I hesitated but I'm with 3strikes.
> 
> She's lying through her teeth.


But for what purpose?

Maybe she is crazy, but if not ( a big if) what purpose does it serve.

Just remember RG that I live in Rockland if I can be of any assistance.

And do not let her drive you to drink......


----------



## ReGroup

What is the purpose?

I am giving her what she wants.

I am not opposing the divorce. On the contrary, I want it.

On Wednesday I will announce no payments are due till everything is finalized.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

GutPunch said:


> Voice recorder not good enough. I want this momentous occasion on YouTube. Mrs. ReGroup is gonna make the "Why don't you ever take me to the lake" wife lose her celebrity status.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get HM to film it I believe he is in his area.


----------



## ReGroup

happyman64 said:


> But for what purpose?
> 
> Maybe she is crazy, but if not ( a big if) what purpose does it serve.
> 
> Just remember RG that I live in Rockland if I can be of any assistance.
> 
> And do not let her drive you to drink......


Happy, I work in Rockland County...

I don't know what to make of this.

I spoke to my guy today he didn't make one mention of instructions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Happy Man I'm sure, for a nominal fee if you need it when you file can be your special process server. I'm sure he'd love to meet miss psychotic.(If she doesn't kill him for serving her)


----------



## tom67

Simply put RG is it possible and I'm serious that she has been mentally Ill and it's becoming progressively worse or does she have so much disdain for you she is doing this on purpose. I really can't tell you know her or you thought you did God to me this is getting scary. I wish I could laugh but...


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> What is the purpose?]


Off hand I have several theories.

She's procrastinating - like not opening those late bills. She seriously could be so 'gone' mentally that legal stuff overwhelms her. Instead of admitting that she avoids it.

She can't get through the day much less sign a legal document, address an envelope and drop it in the mail.

She doesn't want a divorce but doesn't want you either. She's stuck with no options so her answer is again avoidance.

She's clever and thinks if she holds out long enough you will pay her to leave you. This one is a stretch but it's possible.

She's mind effing you. Gets off on controlling you and keeping you in limbo. A total cake eater.

And lastly she could just be crazy in that case she thinks she mailed it but actually it's buried under those pile of bills or she sent it with her utility bill by mistake. :lol:


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> What is the purpose?
> 
> I am giving her what she wants.
> 
> I am not opposing the divorce. On the contrary, I want it.
> 
> On Wednesday I will announce no payments are due till everything is finalized.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG

I know she says she wants the divorce. I know she is living with the OM.

But her actions thus far say she does not want the divorce.

Maybe she is the ultimate cake eater.....

I think you being firm is worth a shot.

HM


----------



## happyman64

I would love to meet Mrs RG in any capacity to help out RG.

As long as I get to wear one of Conrad's cool "Team RG" jerseys .


----------



## ReGroup

I should go anti 180 and repulse her into giving me what I want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> I would love to meet Mrs RG in any capacity to help out RG.
> 
> As long as I get to wear one of Conrad's cool "Team RG" jerseys .


:iagree::lol:RG your lawyer has to have a plan for this just for the custody f^ck the divorce and just live with someone like her WTF! Bears are killing the raiders if anyone cares 17-0 2nd qt


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Off hand I have several theories.
> 
> She's procrastinating - like not opening those late bills. She seriously could be so 'gone' mentally that legal stuff overwhelms her. Instead of admitting that she avoids it.
> 
> She can't get through the day much less sign a legal document, address an envelope and drop it in the mail.
> 
> She doesn't want a divorce but doesn't want you either. She's stuck with no options so her answer is again avoidance.
> 
> She's clever and thinks if she holds out long enough you will pay her to leave you. This one is a stretch but it's possible.
> 
> She's mind effing you. Gets off on controlling you and keeping you in limbo. A total cake eater.
> 
> And lastly she could just be crazy in that case she thinks she mailed it but actually it's buried under those pile of bills or she sent it with her utility bill by mistake. :lol:


I asked for the papers in a manner that I gave her the impression I would take care of it. Fail.

I don't know what else a person could do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

In any event... We still have Operation Starve Em' Out... No way that fails.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I asked for the papers in a manner that I gave her the impression I would take care of it. Fail.
> 
> I don't know what else a person could do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have been way more than civil and patient it is time for a formal custody hearing IN COURT I don't see another way. And if you can use an SPS special process server for the first attempt use Mr. Happy he will be prepared jersey and all Serious though you tried I don't know what else to tell you.:scratchhead:


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I should go anti 180 and repulse her into giving me what I want.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was thinking this earlier.


----------



## Ceegee

This one...




Mavash. said:


> Off hand I have several theories.
> 
> She's mind effing you. Gets off on controlling you and keeping you in limbo. A total cake eater.
> 
> :


----------



## ThreeStrikes

My guess is that she gave those settlement papers to her old attorney and assumed he took care of it.

He didn't get paid. He didn't take care of it.

Mrs. RG has no reason to want a D at this point. She's got D4, she's got PosOM, she's got her new place, and she's got RG to giver her $.

Unfortunately, when you're dealing with these disordered folks, we sometimes have to go to extremes. As nice guys, this rubs us the wrong way. But, it' the only effective way to get results. Remember, you're dealing with a 4 year old brat. When she doesn't get her way, she will throw a tantrum.

Opertation Starve Her Out is going to work. She can't defy the courts. Just put on your armor.


----------



## smallsteps

Hey RG - you have to see her today correct? 
Good luck. Just stay calm and cool. Don't let her antagonize you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Hey RG - you have to see her today correct?
> Good luck. Just stay calm and cool. Don't let her antagonize you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Or so I thought. It's on cozi.com but I allegedly told D4 that I wasn't seeing her today this past weekend.

I had 3 beers last night and called it a night.

I am awake and going for a LongWalk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

re: We could be heroes
I didn't really explain this whole scene in the office. The movie Christiane F is very realistic, i.e., horrifying. The single mom doesn't see her daughter fall into the heroin world because she is working and in the evenings she wants to drink and socialize with men.

Children need love and attention. Your daughter is too young to articulate this clearly, but she is suffering. I don't know if Mrs RG is neglecting your daughter but she is probably all over the place. I find it difficult to imagine that she takes her needs seriously.

Get her into court asap. Your plan to cut off the money is good one. Send her a registered letter, stating why it has come to this. Spell it out.

You are cutting off the money to send a clear signal. Mention that the resignation of her lawyer made normal communication more difficult. Quote:



> "Dear Mrs RG,
> 
> I was sorry to hear that your lawyer resigned due to his frustration with your case. Please engage another attorney as soon as possible or sign the agreement that we have already drawn up."


What Mavash says about broken people procrastinating is 100 accurate. I struggle with this constantly. In university whenever there was a professor who gave extensions, I thought about asking for one. It never made anything better. Just the opposite. Mrs RG will be grateful that you force her to act. She will b*tc* and moan but she will like the boundary.

re: tattoo

The woman at work had a ridiculously beautiful face. She had wide feminine haunch, not the super slim look of today. I am an old guy and she is 27, trying to land a permanent job at the company. She wasn't really interesting in talking to me, some old guy from another department.

There was a third person in our conversation a 41-year-old mother of three whose real passion is singing Mozart in the church choir. Ms We-could-be-heroes was pumping choir lady for information about whom she had to win over to secure a position. At that at age she was still just finishing her degree, a sign of procrastination, but it very common in Europe, where people drag out adolescence and young adulthood.

Her tattoo just invites one to wonder what could we be heroes? And by we I mean you and I and anyone.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Or so I thought. It's on cozi.com but I allegedly told D4 that I wasn't seeing her today this past weekend.
> 
> I had 3 beers last night and called it a night.
> 
> I am awake and going for a LongWalk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't have to put up with that. If you wanted you could call police for assistance and go pick her up. 

Judge/child facilitator would love to hear about that.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Or so I thought. It's on cozi.com but I allegedly told D4 that I wasn't seeing her today this past weekend.
> 
> I had 3 beers last night and called it a night.
> 
> I am awake and going for a LongWalk.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So sorry RG. You can't keep putting up with these games she plays. Document, document, document!! Even if you don't think it's important. Document everything!!!!

It's a beautiful day out here today. Get out and clear your head. You have to keep reminding yourself this is only a temporary situation. Things will work themselves out in the end.


----------



## Mavash.

Okay you know her attorney fired her because she what wanted more services and didn't want to pay right?

So to think she's going to just sign papers she doesn't agree with is wishful thinking.

I wonder what she wanted from the attorney that she didn't get?

Her anger at you and him is enough to make her not sign.

She'd do it out of spite just like with the unanswered calls.

Disordered, angry people are about evening scores.

She's been wronged and now she is going to make you pay.

Rediculous since she's the one that left but disordered people rarely make sense.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Okay you know her attorney fired her because she what wanted more services and didn't want to pay right?
> 
> So to think she's going to just sign papers she doesn't agree with is wishful thinking.
> 
> I wonder what she wanted from the attorney that she didn't get?
> 
> Her anger at you and him is enough to make her not sign.
> 
> She'd do it out of spite just like with the unanswered calls.
> 
> Disordered, angry people are about evening scores.
> 
> She's been wronged and now she is going to make you pay.
> 
> Rediculous since she's the one that left but disordered people rarely make sense.


I think this post nails it.

She disagrees with The NY State Law.

In any event - we'll proceed as planned. I'll use Chips statement when she realizes that there is no deposit this coming week.

We are officially at War.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> I think this post nails it.
> 
> She disagrees with The NY State Law.
> 
> In any event - we'll proceed as planned. I'll use Chips statement when she realizes that there is no deposit this coming week.
> 
> We are officially at War.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And write her a note to create documentation. I think at this point you can make statements that you can submit to the court for custody. Here is a draft. No doubt Mavash, 3x, CG, GP and Conrad can advise whether such engagement is purposeful. The language can be tightened, but you cannot let Mrs RG steer your daughter into being a Christiane F, Frostine or any other negative role model.



> Dear Mrs RG,
> 
> We have been unsuccessfully working on divorce for X months. You have lost the services of your attorney because he found your case too frustrating. Since I cannot ask my attorney to speak to your attorney, I am now forced to cut off child support to get your attention.
> 
> Henceforth, I will not pay any fees or contribute any money to you for our daughter's welfare. Instead, I will deposit in in an account, awaiting a court judgment. This is not a desirable means of communication but your procrastination leaves me no choice.
> 
> Furthermore, you have moved home without informing me where you now live. My daughter's residence should and cannot be a mystery to me, her father. Where she is going to school is also unclear to me. How can we successfully co-parent in the future if you deny me such basic information?
> 
> Also, for many days on end I cannot reach you so that I can speak with our daughter by telephone. This is not good for her. She will feel that I have abandoned her when in fact I am making every effort to see her and speak with her, according to some schedule.
> 
> I hope that we can get back on track as soon as possible.
> 
> Sincerely yours,
> 
> RG


----------



## ReGroup

Nice!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Too many words.

No more than 3 sentences.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Too many words.
> 
> No more than 3 sentences.


Just the facts. 

There will be no more financial support until mandated by court. 

I expect my calls to my daughter to be answered. 

I expect consistent possession of my daughter.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Ceegee said:


> Just the facts.
> 
> There will be no more financial support until mandated by court.
> 
> I expect my calls to my daughter to be answered.
> 
> I expect consistent possession of my daughter.





Mavash. said:


> Too many words.
> 
> No more than 3 sentences.


That depends on who he's ultimately writing this letter for. If he's just sending her a message then short is better, but if he's creating documentation to show the court his first draft is the way to go.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I think this post nails it.
> 
> She disagrees with The NY State Law.
> 
> In any event - we'll proceed as planned. I'll use Chips statement when she realizes that there is no deposit this coming week.
> 
> We are officially at War.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was insisting on retro money.

It's like she's orbiting Saturn.

Her father really did a number on her.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Too many words.
> 
> No more than 3 sentences.


I knew you would want to amplify by simplification. Ultimately, RG has an excellent record here on TAM. It could be condensed and summarized for a custody hearing.

Ceegee's version is better if it is just about making her move.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

My letter would contain exactly zero sentences.

If RG needs to communicate with ExRG, then he can have his attorney send a certified letter.

Otherwise, it's NC. 

This eliminates the potential for needless drama (much to the detriment of the FAN club- sorry guys).


----------



## ThreeStrikes

50/50 custody is becoming the norm. It's not something he should have to fight for.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> My letter would contain exactly zero sentences.
> 
> If RG needs to communicate with ExRG, then he can have his attorney send a certified letter.
> 
> Otherwise, it's NC.
> 
> This eliminates the potential for needless drama (much to the detriment of the FAN club- sorry guys).


The potential for drama is actually higher if he does nothing.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Oh, and RG? Feel free to get angry during this process. It will galvanize you, and keep you from getting all namby-pamby sentimental on us


----------



## LongWalk

ThreeStrikes said:


> 50/50 custody is becoming the norm. It's not something he should have to fight for.


Mrs RG has cut RG off for an extended period of time. She may argue that he deserted his daughter. The longer this draws out, the more likely that simple 50/50 split will become more difficult. Furthermore, RG cannot rely on a 50/50 arrangement, for Mrs RG will not respect the court.

RG needs to become primary custodian. Look at Hope4family.


----------



## 06Daddio08

ThreeStrikes said:


> 50/50 custody is becoming the norm. *It's not something he should have to fight for.*


That's not the reality of the world we live in though, 50/50 custody is becoming more of the norm *because* fathers are fighting for parental rights. It requires knowing when to focus on the divorce itself and knowing when to focus on the children, it's not easy to do.

I didn't get 50/50 custody remaining passive in the early stages, I fought for it and I fought hard. The original 'plan' set out by the ex when she left was for me to be a weekend father, I was most defiantly not okay with that.


----------



## Ms. GP

I might say something more like this....

Due to your refusal to retain proper legal counsel, inability to communicate basic details of my daughters whereabouts including her new physical address, and the removal of our daughter from school without informing myself or the school, you have demonstrated an inability to make sound financial decisions concerning our daughter's future. Going forward I am going to deposit all money into a separate account until a settlement can be reached. Sorry if this causes you any inconvenience, but I feel this is the best plan of action going forward. If you have any questions please feel free to have your new attorney ,if you decide to retain one, contact my attorney because your past communications (that I have saved) have been verbally abusive and will no longer be tolerated.

Sincerely,
RG
Whatcha think?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> She was insisting on retro money.
> 
> It's like she's orbiting Saturn.
> 
> Her father really did a number on her.


Psych eval and supervised custody for her should send her to pluto


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Psych eval and supervised custody for her should send her to pluto


----------



## smallsteps

What gets me the most with this is the way she is using his child as a pawn.

I lived through that in my own childhood.

It drives me absolutely insane to see it happen to others.


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> What gets me the most with this is the way she is using his child as a pawn.
> 
> I lived through that in my own childhood.
> 
> It drives me absolutely insane to see it happen to others.


He's just another ass-notch to her.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She was insisting on retro money.
> 
> It's like she's orbiting Saturn.
> 
> Her father really did a number on her.


You were right all along.

It's about money.

She wants half of the tuition paid AND half of all other childcare expenses as well.

It's a common problem.

PB's wife went this route and the judge said no. 

Read another post where a judge said no to a wife's unreasonable request.

They didn't even have kids and she wanted the moon. Lol


----------



## GutPunch

Mystery solved. B*tch autocorrects to Notch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Mystery solved. B*tch autocorrects to Notch.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does nozzle autocorrect?


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
You have a lawyer. What is his advice at this point?

If he is competent, follow his advice, if he isn't get a new attorney. 

If he supports withholding money, then by all means do so. 

Clearly her behavior is beyond terrible. But if it were me, when she claimed that she mailed the papers I would have asked if she sent them in a way that has a receipt or tracking code. 

And I would request in writing that all future formal correspondence she 'mails' be sent via FedEx, or some other way that can be tracked.....





QUOTE=ReGroup;3840210]Mrs. RG: Huh?

RG: The settlment papers I signed back in June.

Did you sign them?

Mrs. RG: RG. You signed them in July I signed and sent them back to your lawyer as directed over 2 weeks ago. 

RG: I signed on June 18th.

I spoke to Team RG today. He hasn't received anything.

Mrs. RG: His letter RG. I followed instructions. It was mailed to his Rockland county office. What the hell is going on?!?! 

I don't understand what is going on?!?!??!
--------------------
He has a office in Wall Street.

I am going to the bar.

I can't take this sh*t anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


----------



## Pam

Wow! I lost my bookmark to this thread, and got really behind. 

Does everybody else watch NCIS? RG, you need to "go all Ziva" on her.


----------



## vi_bride04

Would it be dumb at this point to hire a PI to follow her for a few days?? 

Not sure how else you will get the information you need. Even filing and going the legal route she will find more ways to dodge and avoid and delay than a dog knowing they are going to the vet. 

At least with the PI you can get her address, DD school, etc.

ETA: We should start the FAN fundraising club for RG's PI efforts


----------



## Ms. GP

GutPunch said:


> Mystery solved. B*tch autocorrects to Notch.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I knew my potty mouth would come in handy one day. 

Don't judge me people, cursing is the only vice I have left.


----------



## tom67

vi_bride04 said:


> Would it be dumb at this point to hire a PI to follow her for a few days??
> 
> Not sure how else you will get the information you need. Even filing and going the legal route she will find more ways to dodge and avoid and delay than a dog knowing they are going to the vet.
> 
> At least with the PI you can get her address, DD school, etc.
> 
> ETA: We should start the FAN fundraising club for RG's PI efforts


HM 64 all over it Blues Brothers - Peter Gunn Theme - YouTube


----------



## Conrad

I used to live in Rockland County.

I wonder does my old real estate lawyer have the papers?


----------



## smallsteps

Conrad said:


> I used to live in Rockland County.
> 
> I wonder does my old real estate lawyer have the papers?


Hey you never know. Anything is possible with her. 

Those papers are probably at the bottom of a stack of other papers she has chosen to ignore.


----------



## ReGroup

MEM, glad to have you back.

After the exchange and getting that response "mailing it two weeks ago" I will admit to being just too fed up to continue the exchange. 

Rockland County? Funny she wasn't specific.

Boy, when all of this started I thought I had issues. I pale in comparison. I see another IV Picture coming soon.

I ran Operation Starve Her Out by a few people and after explaining my purpose, no one objected to the idea. Though, everyone agreed that there will be consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> MEM, glad to have you back.
> 
> After the exchange and getting that response "mailing it two weeks ago" I will admit to being just too fed up to continue the exchange.
> 
> Rockland County? Funny she wasn't specific.
> 
> Boy, when all of this started I thought I had issues. I pale in comparison. I see another IV Picture coming soon.
> 
> I ran Operation Starve Her Out by a few people and after explaining my purpose, no one objected to the idea. Though, everyone agreed that there will be consequences.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If that doesn't motivate her well don't know then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Though, everyone agreed that there will be consequences.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, yeah....


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Oh, yeah....


:lol:


----------



## Pbartender

Mavash. said:


> You were right all along.
> 
> It's about money.
> 
> She wants half of the tuition paid AND half of all other childcare expenses as well.
> 
> It's a common problem.
> 
> PB's wife went this route and the judge said no.


Good heavens, the judge said no, she agreed to it, we signed it, it's over and done.

And she's _still_ trying to finagle it out of me. :banghead:


----------



## Chuck71

Glad to see you are circling the wagons Group

I mentioned pushing for the D process in June

But the way I view things is different than others

Mav and 3x are both right in their own synopsis 

PBs AXW wanted 28% I think and he countered

judge declared % which was lower than what PB offered

Stay away from the booze unless you can become more focused

drinking can help some (me) but it is a small %

You may consider putting QL in situations

and allow her to do what you really want.... file

the $ is excellent idea, she has everything to gain by pushing D

any $ to her is better than no $

you should be glad to be ordered to pay CS

if it gets QL to push D

I have said to several, push for full custody, won't happen

but this will outline your strategy

QL will "feel" like she won when you get 50 /50

let her think that all she wants

the key is to have physical custody....each of you earn the same $

at 50 / 50.... the CS will not be anywhere near what QL is expecting

QL has used D4 as a pawn for a long time, time to end it

keep in mind I have zero tolerance for BS

maybe the stars will line up and you get D, 50 / 50 and small % to CS

and QL decides to repeat history, marry POSOM and have another child

to give her a 'second chance'.... we all know how that will end up

Sorry to be away and post long... I leave out to Alaska in a couple days

I am hoping it will be shorter than the expected three weeks

Hope to see things more in your favor when I return


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> and QL decides to repeat history, marry POSOM and have another child


Chucky!

I remember when D4 was born - I took up extra hours at work to avoid QL.

Oh, The lovely memories.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Chucky!
> 
> I remember when D4 was born - I took up extra hours at work to avoid QL.
> 
> Oh, The lovely memories.


why am I or any other posters not surprised at that! 

knowing reasons is easy

accepting why is the tuff part


----------



## Mavash.

Pbartender said:


> Good heavens, the judge said no, she agreed to it, we signed it, it's over and done.
> 
> And she's _still_ trying to finagle it out of me. :banghead:


My grandmother was getting up there in age and her well meaning adult children thought it best she move. They did an intervention of sorts and with a smile on her face she eagerly agreed.

The adult children left feeling good that the situation was handled.

"So grandma want me to help you pack?"

"I'm not moving anywhere".


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Chucky!
> 
> I remember when D4 was born - I took up extra hours at work to avoid QL.
> 
> Oh, The lovely memories.


That's what I should have done RG. Instead, I took off a whole week to help out when each of our 3 kids were born. Took off when she had laser eye surgery, tonsillectomy, tummy-tuck, etc, etc. Took her to numerous doctors, lectures and seminars about migraine headaches. 

Later, she told me I was never there for her. I didn't care about her. 

Months wasted on that sh1t.


----------



## Chuck71

CG, your psycho spouse had her own calendar and date book

if you did none of the above, she would yell the same thing

typical reasoning for a 12 y/o


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> CG, your psycho spouse had her own calendar and date book
> 
> if you did none of the above, she would yell the same thing
> 
> typical reasoning for a 12 y/o


That's why I say months were wasted. 

Doesn't matter what you do. 

They only remember what they want to; how they want to.


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
Give her one last chance. Unless your lawyer says otherwise: Email her a request like this:

Looks like your signed papers got lost in the mail. I have scanned the document and attached it to this email. Please print and FedEx it back to me within the next 5 business days. Two day FedEx is only $20.00 and if you send it in that timeframe I will pay the cost of FedEx. Please confirm. 

-------
If she refuses to do that:
- it becomes obvious her earlier response was untrue and
- it will later make her look incontrovertibly unreasonable to the court

Also, if she refuses, your lawyer will more likely support a tougher financial stance with her. 

MEM



ReGroup said:


> MEM, glad to have you back.
> 
> After the exchange and getting that response "mailing it two weeks ago" I will admit to being just too fed up to continue the exchange.
> 
> Rockland County? Funny she wasn't specific.
> 
> Boy, when all of this started I thought I had issues. I pale in comparison. I see another IV Picture coming soon.
> 
> I ran Operation Starve Her Out by a few people and after explaining my purpose, no one objected to the idea. Though, everyone agreed that there will be consequences.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

MEM11363 said:


> RG,
> Give her one last chance. Unless your lawyer says otherwise: Email her a request like this:
> 
> Looks like your signed papers got lost in the mail. I have scanned the document and attached it to this email. Please print and FedEx it back to me within the next 5 business days. Two day FedEx is only $20.00 and if you send it in that timeframe I will pay the cost of FedEx. Please confirm.
> 
> -------
> If she refuses to do that:
> - it becomes obvious her earlier response was untrue and
> - it will later make her look incontrovertibly unreasonable to the court
> 
> Also, if she refuses, your lawyer will more likely support a tougher financial stance with her.
> 
> MEM


yes:iagree::iagree:


----------



## ReGroup

Alright, I found a copy of the settlement emailed to me 04/09/2013 SMH! I made modifications that reflect what was agreed to by Team RG and the poor sap that dealt with my wife.

I'm sending MEM's suggested request.

I'm going to have her FedEx it to my mailing address and paying for it.

Anything else?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Alright, I found a copy of the settlement emailed to me 04/09/2013 SMH! I made modifications that reflect what was agreed to by Team RG and the poor sap that dealt with my wife.
> 
> I'm sending MEM's suggested request.
> 
> I'm going to have her FedEx it to my mailing address and paying for it.
> 
> Anything else?


Buckle your chinstrap.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Alright, I found a copy of the settlement emailed to me 04/09/2013 SMH! I made modifications that reflect what was agreed to by Team RG and the poor sap that dealt with my wife.
> 
> I'm sending MEM's suggested request.
> 
> I'm going to have her FedEx it to my mailing address and paying for it.
> 
> Anything else?


Maybe you'll get this in response?



ReGroup said:


> Mrs. ReGroup: you are being so wrong on so many levels, asking me for proof for things, telling me to contact your nonexistent lawyer...you are a complete stranger to me...my feelings for you have completely been altered in this entire process. At least you know Im still the same person, even if my antics and words and retaliations are wrong..Im still being the same....you're just plain mean.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Maybe you'll get this in response?


Would a cheap, balding, show stealing FAN deserve anything more cordial than that?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Would a cheap, balding, show stealing FAN deserve anything more cordial than that?


It's gotta be the evil sperm me thinks.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Maybe you'll get this in response?
> 
> Mrs. ReGroup: you are being so wrong on so many levels, asking me for proof for things, telling me to contact your nonexistent lawyer...you are a complete stranger to me...my feelings for you have completely been altered in this entire process. At least you know Im still the same person, even if my antics and words and retaliations are wrong..Im still being the same....you're just plain mean.


Taking it back to memory lane.

Wow, she was describing herself ALL ALONG.


----------



## Mavash.

I see where MEM is going with this but my bet is Mrs RG isn't going to DO anything.

Her computer is broken.

She didn't get it.

Email was down.

Her printer is out of ink.

The papers have been changed.

The check is in the mail....LOL


----------



## HappyKaty

Mavash. said:


> I see where MEM is going with this but my bet is Mrs RG isn't going to DO anything.
> 
> Her computer is broken.
> 
> She didn't get it.
> 
> Email was down.
> 
> Her printer is out of ink.
> 
> The papers have been changed.
> 
> The check is in the mail....LOL


Agreed. This 'lady' is the epitome of predictable.


----------



## Mavash.

Oh or the best option is she will just start raging at him avoiding the topic completely.


----------



## ReGroup

The more resolve I show to conclude this matter - the more creative she gets.

My counselor predicted this in March.

I spoke to my friend about Operation Starve Her and she said "go for it, someone like her will only respond when it's inconvenient to her."


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Taking it back to memory lane.
> 
> Wow, she was describing herself ALL ALONG.


When you aren't able to see past your own nose, it's all you're able to do.

As Mav says, to see through others, you must first see through yourself.

She's not close.


----------



## spun

Conrad said:


> When you aren't able to see past your own nose, it's all you're able to do.
> 
> As Mav says, to see through others, you must first see through yourself.
> 
> She's not close.


Of all the pearls of wisdom that repeatedly make their way into the threads in GTDS, this is quite possibly the most profound.


----------



## ReGroup

No Response.

Sigh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

I think instead of freaking out she is going to ignore it. 

If she ignores it, it doesn't exist.

If it doesn't exist, you legally can't do anything about DD...

That gives her more time to continue shoving cake in her fat face


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> I think instead of freaking out she is going to ignore it.
> 
> If she ignores it, it doesn't exist.
> 
> If it doesn't exist, you legally can't do anything about DD...
> 
> That gives her more time to continue shoving cake in her fat face


Then I must do what she thought I was incapable of doing.

Full steam ahead. I am buying myself something nice this weekend and a drum set for D4.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Then I must do what she thought I was incapable of doing.
> 
> Full steam ahead. I am buying myself something nice this weekend and a drum set for D4.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thought you were CHEAP?


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Then I must do what she thought I was incapable of doing.
> 
> Full steam ahead. I am buying myself something nice this weekend and a drum set for D4.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A toupee and a Jenny Craig membership?


----------



## vi_bride04

I guess her not responding in the time frame you gave her can be seen as her consenting to you filing for divorce officially 

It will be interesting to hear what her reaction is to getting served...can you serve her via police? Now that would be something.


----------



## Conrad

vi_bride04 said:


> I guess her not responding in the time frame you gave her can be seen as her consenting to you filing for divorce officially
> 
> It will be interesting to hear what her reaction is to getting served...can you serve her via police? Now that would be something.


At work - so she and posOM can share the public aspect of it.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> At work - so she and posOM can share the public aspect of it.


posOM may be getting a taste of what is going to happen to him down the road. I REALLY hope he is there throughout this process court and all. I think he will second guess himself. Unless he is as crazy as her


----------



## happyman64

At work is perfect.

And when the calls or angry texts start coming in just send her one message.

"Dear STBXW, this is how I have decided to fight for you. Goodbye"

No more needs to be said Regroup.

And the drumset idea rocks.....


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> At work is perfect.
> 
> And when the calls or angry texts start coming in just send her one message.
> 
> "Dear STBXW, this is how I have decided to fight for you. Goodbye"
> 
> No more needs to be said Regroup.
> 
> And the drumset idea rocks.....


Get her a phone too.

You guys need to practice.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Get her a phone too.
> 
> You guys need to practice.


Go to dollar general and get a pay as you go phone. They are cheap.


----------



## vi_bride04

SERVE HER AT WORK! SERVER HER AT WORK! SERVE HER AT WORK!!!!

Give me an R.....

Give me a G......

What does that spell????

ULTIMATE SHOW STEALER!!!!! :rofl:


----------



## Ceegee

How you doing bud?

What are your plans for the Labor Day weekend?


----------



## GutPunch

Ceegee said:


> How you doing bud?
> 
> What are your plans for the Labor Day weekend?


Hopefully to have her served at her work


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> How you doing bud?
> 
> What are your plans for the Labor Day weekend?


Let's find out what he's up to!


----------



## ReGroup

What's up my TAM Brothers and Sisters?

I am doing well - still no response to yesterdays email. No confirmation of it being read, no acknowledgement.

I am admittedly nervous about NOT making the deposit this week - but I know I shouldn't. Like ViBride mentioned she's stuffing her fat face with cake. I must cut the chord to make a statement.

I am not afraid of her, but it will kill me slowly knowing I am not providing for my daughter. 
I don't know how to battle that guilt.

I will also take everyones suggestion and have her served at work. I just have to get Team RG on the plan - hopefully, by tomorrow.

This thread has been all about Standing Up for Myself... Can't think of a better way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> What's up my TAM Brothers and Sisters?
> 
> I am doing well - still no response to yesterdays email. No confirmation of it being read, no acknowledgement.
> 
> I am admittedly nervous about NOT making the deposit this week - but I know I shouldn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You cute little codependent!

SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO TO THAT SCHOOL.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> You cute little codependent!
> 
> SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO TO THAT SCHOOL.


:banghead::banghead:


----------



## ReGroup

I'm going through with the mission. 

It'll be tough, but I'm going to follow through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm going through with the mission.
> 
> It'll be tough, but I'm going to follow through.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do they feel down there?

Boxers or briefs tonight?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> How do they feel down there?
> 
> Boxers or briefs tonight?


Commando?


----------



## ReGroup

Point Taken. Lol.

I'm going with CGs response once the blow up ensues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> What's up my TAM Brothers and Sisters?
> 
> I am doing well - still no response to yesterdays email. No confirmation of it being read, no acknowledgement.
> 
> I am admittedly nervous about NOT making the deposit this week - but I know I shouldn't. Like ViBride mentioned she's stuffing her fat face with cake. I must cut the chord to make a statement.
> 
> I am not afraid of her, but it will kill me slowly knowing I am not providing for my daughter.
> I don't know how to battle that guilt.
> 
> I will also take everyones suggestion and have her served at work. I just have to get Team RG on the plan - hopefully, by tomorrow.
> 
> This thread has been all about Standing Up for Myself... Can't think of a better way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You battle that guilt by knowing its what's best for her in the long run. 

Anything material things she may have to go without is short-term. Your relationship with your D is for life.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Point Taken. Lol.
> 
> I'm going with CGs response once the blow up ensues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Blow up?











Did someone say "blow up"?


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks guys... I needed to be slapped around a bit.

I feel like George Costanza when he does the opposite of what he's accustomed to doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Thanks guys... I needed to be slapped around a bit.
> 
> I feel like George Costanza when he does the opposite of what he's accustomed to doing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I remember that "I don't have a job and I live with my parents"


----------



## vi_bride04

Cooooooostanza!!


----------



## ReGroup

First day of school is on 9/9/13.

I'll try to get her served on that day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> First day of school is on 9/9/13.
> 
> I'll try to get her served on that day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hoooraaahh!:lol:


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> First day of school is on 9/9/13.
> 
> I'll try to get her served on that day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hire a photographer to observe her reaction.

I, for one, would love to see it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## catcalls

ReGroup said:


> First day of school is on 9/9/13.
> 
> I'll try to get her served on that day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


btw you are providing for your daughter by standing up against Mrs RG's control mania. eventually, it will lead to a better life and more time with your daughter. it needs to be done.

only thing i would say is dont explain yourself to her or justify why you are doing what you are doing. if she keeps pestering you and screaming and shouting, just ignore. the time of explaining and pandering to her whims are over. she needs to get that message through her head. she is no longer in control and you are done being considerate. whether she sees it like that is not your problem.

it is scary i imagine, but you believe in yourself and your motives. good luck (you will need it)


----------



## Ryo

RG do you track your sent emails to her to know she even opens them?


----------



## Mavash.

RG take the long view.

In fantasy land we'd all do the right thing and life would be good.

By taking this stand you are setting a precedent with Mrs RG that you won't be played.

She can't ignore your calls, your emails, not tell you about your daughter without consequences.

In the long run this will be the best thing you could do for your daughter.

You NEED a court order. 

I see no other way around this.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> First day of school is on 9/9/13.
> 
> I'll *try* to get her served on that day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*"Do or do not. There is no try"*


-Yoda


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> *"Do or do not. There is no try"*
> 
> 
> -Yoda


Do. Or do not. There is no try. - YouTube


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Do. Or do not. There is no try. - YouTube


Here is a good one if RG doesn't get fired up well..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Vg4uyYwEk


----------



## GutPunch

Where's my f'n money ReGroup?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Awakening2012

GutPunch said:


> Where's my f'n money ReGroup?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol::rofl:


----------



## tom67

GutPunch said:


> Where's my f'n money ReGroup?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Darn azz notch


----------



## ReGroup

Alright, here it goes.

The inquiry has begun.

There will be no more deposits until mandated by the courts.

You guys ok with that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Alright, here it goes.
> 
> The inquiry has begun.
> 
> There will be no more deposits until mandated by the courts.
> 
> You guys ok with that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh.... are we? How about are you?


----------



## ReGroup

More than ok with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Was giving my husband the update on all my tam friends today and before I said anything he said "RG doesn't owe her anything until it's court mandated". Yep. Said you tried to play nice nice and it got you nowhere. Time to cut her off. He agreed which btw is huge coming from him because he's a do the right thing guy.


----------



## ReGroup

Here it comes: Excuse me. Do not even ****ing go there my man. You have every right to talk to me but you have never even bothered to ask anything about D4 or her where abouts.

You refused to help pay for her day care and never even asked where she ended up going. 

And keep in mind RG, whatever you DO NOT give to D4 will be retro- active and taken out of your paycheck if you try to **** with payments. 

Don't you dare threaten me with money.

You talk to me like a human being and ask a out your daughter. I have NOTHING to hide. Unlike you who is all of a sudden eager to get this divorce legalized. 

I know what you are up to so DO NOT try to **** with me by threatening not to send money for your daughter. If I were you, I would be smart and retract that statement.

And make a deposit so that I can buy your daughter clothes and school supplies you cheap skate! You already owe me so much money for her care and you better believe that I have saved all receipts. Don't you dare go there !!

The court has not mandated that you get to see her three out of four weekends. I ALLOW you to see her. DO NOT GO THERE because I am up to here with your bullsh*t.

**** w me and her payments and you will have to take me to court to see her!!! 

Don't forget that you need my permission to take her to Dominica Republic. DO NOT **** W ME!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Ignore.

It was expected and predictable.

She's simply trying to one up you.

You are back to playing poker. 

Who has the better hand.

My bets on you.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Aside from the money aspect, you've taken steps in regards to your daughter right?


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Here it comes: Excuse me. Do not even ****ing go there my man. You have every right to talk to me but you have never even bothered to ask anything about D4 or her where abouts.
> 
> You refused to help pay for her day care and never even asked where she ended up going.
> 
> And keep in mind RG, whatever you DO NOT give to D4 will be retro- active and taken out of your paycheck if you try to **** with payments.
> 
> Don't you dare threaten me with money.
> 
> You talk to me like a human being and ask a out your daughter. I have NOTHING to hide. Unlike you who is all of a sudden eager to get this divorce legalized.
> 
> I know what you are up to so DO NOT try to **** with me by threatening not to send money for your daughter. If I were you, I would be smart and retract that statement.
> 
> And make a deposit so that I can buy your daughter clothes and school supplies you cheap skate! You already owe me so much money for her care and you better believe that I have saved all receipts. Don't you dare go there !!
> 
> The court has not mandated that you get to see her three out of four weekends. I ALLOW you to see her. DO NOT GO THERE because I am up to here with your bullsh*t.
> 
> **** w me and her payments and you will have to take me to court to see her!!!
> 
> Don't forget that you need my permission to take her to Dominica Republic. DO NOT **** W ME!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol. Save this. Shootin herself in the foot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Saved Z.

Mrs. RG: Are you kidding me right now with this threat!!? Like are you in your right mind??

Randy A.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> Aside from the money aspect, you've taken steps in regards to your daughter right?


I have. The best that I could considering the circumstances.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Ignore.
> 
> It was expected and predictable.
> 
> She's simply trying to one up you.
> 
> You are back to playing poker.
> 
> Who has the better hand.
> 
> My bets on you.


It's an interesting read that's for sure, especially how all she's doing is piggy backing off of his actions.


----------



## Ms. GP

Do you really need her permission for the trip? Legally couldn't you just pick her up from school? Couldn't you do that whenever? Just wondering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

Only when she allows it. 

Not many judges will like that statement.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ms. GP

Tell her that. Two can play that game.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ms. GP said:


> Do you really need her permission for the trip? Legally couldn't you just pick her up from school? Couldn't you do that whenever? Just wondering.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unless things have changed, she has majority physical custody.


----------



## Mavash.

Whats the story on this trip?

Wasn't aware there was a trip in the making.

RG you knew the risk in this was that you were going to 'temporarily' lose visitation with your D.

My point as well as others was you only get her 3 days a month (not 3 weekends like she thinks) and so this risk was worth taking.


----------



## Ms. GP

06Daddio08 said:


> Unless things have changed, she has majority physical custody.


Is it in writing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Ms. GP said:


> Is it in writing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nothing is in writing that's the problem.

RG is at her whim.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ms. GP said:


> Is it in writing?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Depending on the law where he lives it doesn't have to be, sometimes the Status Quo reins supreme. Which is why it's important (especially as a father sadly) to get as much custody as possible asap.

This way, when the entitled try to screw you over in court all one must do is say mention the Status Quo.


----------



## Ms. GP

That's the beauty. I'd fire back. I can pick her up from school. He has just as much right as she does until its in writing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Ms. GP said:


> That's the beauty. I'd fire back. I can pick her up from school. He has just as much right as she does until its in writing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's not in a position to do that right now hence why most of us suggested he take this risk.

And it's not because of Mrs RG it's because he lives and works away from her.


----------



## Ms. GP

I'm not advocating he break the law. Im saying fight crazy with crazy. Just tell her that. I'm guessing by her lack of a lawyer she doesn't know this.!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Ms. GP said:


> I'm not advocating he break the law. Im saying fight crazy with crazy. Just tell her that. I'm guessing by her lack of a lawyer she doesn't know this.!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can't wait till she gets served.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ms. GP said:


> That's the beauty. I'd fire back. I can pick her up from school. He has just as much right as she does until its in writing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Doesn't work that way, if she can prove that she's had majority custody then he up and takes her one day .... it will not go over well.

His best bet is through court.


----------



## Mavash.

LOL she doesn't comprehend the most basic of communication.

He'd have better luck talking to a tree.

With her actions work best.

As long as she's got his money she isn't going to DO anything.

She completely disregarded his last email.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: I have been compliant and cooperative throughout his entire process. Not once have I tried to make things difficult for you. I have not tried to hurt you or take you for all that you are worth. You have been nothing but nasty, horrible, and demeaning during this whole time. 

The straw that broke the camels back is what finally made me realize that our relationship was over. People can only take so much until they break. And you keep pushing and pushing and pushing. You need to tread w caution. 

RG: You can not hurt me.

Do what you feel is best.

I'm ready.

Mrs. RG: i don't want to hurt you. I want you to stop trying to hurt me!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

You're replying to her fallout? The less you reply the more drastic it will become.


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> You're replying to her fallout? The less you reply the more drastic it will become.


The hell with her and victim BS. But I won't respond again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

06Daddio08 said:


> You're replying to her fallout? The less you reply the more drastic it will become.


This ReGroup.....You are done explaining.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> The hell with her and victim BS. But I won't respond again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


1)You don't know where your d lives-2) you don't know where your d is attending school. What more is there to say.:scratchhead:


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> 1)You don't know where your d lives-2) you don't know where your d is attending school. What more is there to say.:scratchhead:


Originally I had sent:

There will be no more deposits until:

1. I know what school D4 is attending.
2. Where D4 lives.
3. The support is mandated by the courts.

* I saw her this morning and she had a copied version of the settlement. I gave it back to her and asked for an original copy.

She asked me if I would file.

She stormed out of Dunkin Donuts (our exchange spot) when I didnt buy her something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> Originally I had sent:
> 
> There will be no more deposits until:
> 
> 1. I know what school D4 is attending.
> 2. Where D4 lives.
> 3. The support is mandated by the courts.
> 
> * I saw her this morning and she had a copied version of the settlement. I gave it back to her and asked for an original copy.
> 
> She asked me if I would file.
> 
> *She stormed out of Dunkin Donuts (our exchange spot) when I didnt buy her something.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nothing like a donut shop for a neutral location, I did the same thing as well. Keeps the tempo down and in the event something does happen you can sit back and enjoy everyone watching the show.


----------



## Ryo

She seriously stormed out when you didn't buy her something? I bet even your 4 year old would recognize that as ridiculous behavior. I hope you bought something for yourself and D4 lol.


----------



## ReGroup

Ryo said:


> She seriously stormed out when you didn't buy her something? I bet even your 4 year old would recognize that as ridiculous behavior. I hope you bought something for yourself and D4 lol.


I did 

Though I wish she and I could be cool.

I think this has effected her as much as it has me.

D4 keeps complaining that her mother is always angry.

I asked D4: Why? Are you not listening to your mother?

D4: I don't listen to her. She is always mad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ryo

Maybe when she finds someone else to focus her crazy on the two of you can get along. Until then I'd be thankful D4 is smart enough to know to take what her mother says with a grain of salt, my kids wouldn't understand it at all.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I did
> 
> Though I wish she and I could be cool.
> 
> I think this has effected her as much as it has me.
> 
> D4 keeps complaining that her mother is always angry.
> 
> I asked D4: Why? Are you not listening to your mother?
> 
> D4: I don't listen to her. She is always mad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is doing this to herself and has the huevos to expect something from you at the coffee shop. and the part that she "allows" you to see your daughter:crazy::slap:


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> I did
> 
> Though I wish she and I could be cool.
> 
> I think this has effected her as much as it has me.
> 
> D4 keeps complaining that her mother is always angry.
> 
> I asked D4: Why? Are you not listening to your mother?
> 
> D4: I don't listen to her. She is always mad.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Next time your daughter says something like that, ask her open ended and see what she says. The best way to judge how your daughter is handling all of this is by seeing what she says without leading her.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: i don't want to hurt you. I want you to stop trying to hurt me!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Originally I had sent:
> 
> There will be no more deposits until:
> 
> 1. I know what school D4 is attending.
> 2. Where D4 lives.
> 3. The support is mandated by the courts.
> 
> * I saw her this morning and she had a copied version of the settlement. I gave it back to her and asked for an original copy.
> 
> She asked me if I would file.
> 
> She stormed out of Dunkin Donuts (our exchange spot) when I didnt buy her something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell her she'll get a coffee and donut when your three requests are granted and she can come up with the original copy of the settlement.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


>


Chip, 

She makes me feel like I left her.

Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> She makes me feel like I left her.
> 
> Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm glad you are laughing.

This has been one long strange trip.


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> She makes me feel like I left her.
> 
> Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's their specialty. Nothing is EVER their fault.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> She makes me feel like I left her.
> 
> Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You surely didn't fight hard enough for her.


----------



## Nucking Futs

06Daddio08 said:


> You surely didn't fight hard enough for her.


And you stole the show.


----------



## Conrad

Nucking Futs said:


> And you stole the show.


Cheaply... while balding


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Cheaply... while balding


Oh my God it would be awesome if you could use HM as a special process server. RG could give him a nice var and that would be rich plus HM gets to wear the"special" jersey.:lol::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Oh my God it would be awesome if you could use HM as a special process server. RG could give him a nice var and that would be rich plus HM gets to wear the"special" jersey.:lol::rofl::rofl:


He could bring a vial of fluid.. tell her it's evil sperm.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Here it comes: Excuse me. Do not even ****ing go there my man. You have every right to talk to me but you have never even bothered to ask anything about D4 or her where abouts.
> 
> You refused to help pay for her day care and never even asked where she ended up going.
> 
> And keep in mind RG, whatever you DO NOT give to D4 will be retro- active and taken out of your paycheck if you try to **** with payments.
> 
> Don't you dare threaten me with money.
> 
> You talk to me like a human being and ask a out your daughter. I have NOTHING to hide. Unlike you who is all of a sudden eager to get this divorce legalized.
> 
> I know what you are up to so DO NOT try to **** with me by threatening not to send money for your daughter. If I were you, I would be smart and retract that statement.
> 
> And make a deposit so that I can buy your daughter clothes and school supplies you cheap skate! You already owe me so much money for her care and you better believe that I have saved all receipts. Don't you dare go there !!
> 
> The court has not mandated that you get to see her three out of four weekends. I ALLOW you to see her. DO NOT GO THERE because I am up to here with your bullsh*t.
> 
> **** w me and her payments and you will have to take me to court to see her!!!
> 
> Don't forget that you need my permission to take her to Dominica Republic. DO NOT **** W ME!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dang this pizzes me off. No offense ladies, but where do these women get off? 

Mine did this in the beginning too. Who do they think they are?

She is just as much your daughter as she is hers. 

Only consolation is this will bite her in the azz more ways than one. Sure a judge won't like it but neither will D when/if she ever hears about it. 

Sorry for rant but moms keeping kids from dads is a sore spot for me. 

Dang I want to confront Mrs RG. Can you PM me her number?


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Dang this pizzes me off. No offense ladies, but where do these women get off?
> 
> Mine did this in the beginning too. Who do they think they are?
> 
> She is just as much your daughter as she is hers.
> 
> Only consolation is this will bite her in the azz more ways than one. Sure a judge won't like it but neither will D when/if she ever hears about it.
> 
> Sorry for rant but moms keeping kids from dads is a sore spot for me.
> 
> Dang I want to confront Mrs RG. Can you PM me her number?


It p!ssed me off too!!!


----------



## happyman64

Congratulations RG.

You just F'D more in that one text exchange than you have all year.

Keep ignoring her.

Let me know where to drop off the straight jacket for her.


HM


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Dang,

I was out yesterday with the new gal and missed it. Heh

RG, my Ex made very similar threats. Only they were in person, and I had my VAR on. Your ex is a complete nincompoop for going off like that in a text message. It's good for you, because texts never disappear. Ever. Ask Tiger Woods.

Anyways, just weather the storm. She's throwing her tantrum. When she sees it's not having an effect, she will change tactics.

My prediction is that her next 'attempt' to bleed you out of your hard earned $ will amount to her being super nice. She might even give you an apology for her previous rants. When that doesn't work, she'll continue trying different angles, but eventually conclude that her best option is to get the D done as quickly as possible....which is the entire point of this.

Just be strong.

If she continues to harass you via text messaging and/or calls, reply with "Back off! Stop harassing me".

If she continues, then you have legal ground to file a temporary RO against her (check state laws, tho).

Now wouldn't that be fun?  The court will demand that she behave like a good little girl.

*Note to anyone going through a separation/divorce:* Be very careful with texts/emails. Always converse in such a way as if the judge is looking over your shoulder while you type.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> She makes me feel like I left her.
> 
> Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course.

Remember, disordered people never, ever shoulder the blame. 

Blameshifting is their forte.


----------



## ReGroup

Just learned I won't be getting the papers unless I make my scheduled deposits. She all of a sudden has them... The originals.

She also wants to know why I am rushing this process. New girl or buying something?

She said an epiphany in the shower last Wednesday: That I was cheating all along.

She says need legal advice and wants me to have D4 every other weekend.

She claims my family put a hex on her.

She says that D4 has been acting incredibly bad and is a liar like me.

She says she has now decided to put D4 in public school.

She wants to know why I hold witlh such little regard.

And of course, she asked... "Why is my husband such a deadbeat."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ryo

Did she email the fact she is now dragging out the divorce to get money from you? The more she says "I only care about money" the better. If she's aiming for her foot she is a great shot.


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> Just learned I won't be getting the papers unless I make my scheduled deposits. She all of a sudden has them... The originals.
> 
> She also wants to know why I am rushing this process. New girl or buying something?
> 
> She said an epiphany in the shower last Wednesday: That I was cheating all along.
> 
> She says need legal advice and *wants me to have D4 every other weekend.*
> 
> She claims my family put a hex on her.
> 
> She says that D4 has been acting incredibly bad and is a liar like me.
> 
> She says she has now *decided to put D4 in public school.*
> 
> She wants to know why I hold witlh such little regard.
> 
> And of course, she asked... "Why is my husband such a deadbeat."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


These are the ONLY things you should focus on, with deadly accuracy. If she wants you to start having your daughter more that's great! BUT YOU GO FOR EVEN MORE! Your chance to get more time with your daughter has been presented to you, less 'lets have fun with her being crazy' and more getting it done.

Was this said in person? Via text? E-mail?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

It's OK. 

Don't make the deposits. It's still a tantrum. Still projecting and blameshifting.

It's a game of chicken that she will lose.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Just learned I won't be getting the papers unless I make my scheduled deposits. She all of a sudden has them... The originals.
> 
> She also wants to know why I am rushing this process. New girl or buying something?
> 
> She said an epiphany in the shower last Wednesday: That I was cheating all along.
> 
> She says need legal advice and wants me to have D4 every other weekend.
> 
> She claims my family put a hex on her.
> 
> She says that D4 has been acting incredibly bad and is a liar like me.
> 
> She says she has now decided to put D4 in public school.
> 
> She wants to know why I hold witlh such little regard.
> 
> And of course, she asked... "Why is my husband such a deadbeat."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We're only in the 3rd inning.

Middle of the lineup due next


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Just learned I won't be getting the papers unless I make my scheduled deposits. She all of a sudden has them... The originals.
> 
> She also wants to know why I am rushing this process. New girl or buying something?
> 
> She said an epiphany in the shower last Wednesday: That I was cheating all along.
> 
> She says need legal advice and wants me to have D4 every other weekend.
> 
> She claims my family put a hex on her.
> 
> She says that D4 has been acting incredibly bad and is a liar like me.
> 
> She says she has now decided to put D4 in public school.
> 
> She wants to know why I hold witlh such little regard.
> 
> And of course, she asked... "Why is my husband such a deadbeat."
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is certifiable. But sounds like you may get desired results having D4 every other weekend. 

She's not far off from an Alec Baldwin phone call there. 

Really sounding BPD in this message. Has she always been this paranoid?

She should get legal advice. It will also help you get what you are legally entitled to which is more than you've been getting. 

Interesting that she was thinking of you in the shower. 

In what regard does she think a cheater should be held?


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> She is certifiable. But sounds like you may get desired results having D4 every other weekend.
> 
> She's not far off from an Alec Baldwin phone call there.
> 
> Really sounding BPD in this message. Has she always been this paranoid?
> 
> She should get legal advice. It will also help you get what you are legally entitled to which is more than you've been getting.
> 
> Interesting that she was thinking of you in the shower.
> 
> In what regard does she think a cheater should be held?


This has to sound familiar to you.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Attempting to be logical with a person like her will be an exercise in frustration.

I do find it interesting that you've been separated for a year and a half (with no attempt at R), and she still thinks you're "rushing it".

It simply means that she wants to cake-eat indefinitely.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Attempting to be logical with a person like her will be an exercise in frustration.
> 
> I do find it interesting that you've been separated for a year and a half (with no attempt at R), and she still thinks you're "rushing it".
> 
> It simply means that she wants to cake-eat indefinitely.


She's an emotional vampire.

She lives to dump anger on him.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> She's an emotional vampire.
> 
> She lives to dump anger on him.


She is dumping more than anger on him.

She is nuts. Certifiably.

I do not think the woman is capable of a honest, rational thought.

HM


----------



## ReGroup

Just had our kid exchange.

She gave me the original settlement papers signed!

All the computations are wrong. Messed up.

Then she throws a tantrum. Because some woman was checking me out and she assumed she was meeting up with me.

Mrs. RG: She is so busted and ugly. That's so obvious it's awkward. Go leave with her.

Psycho.

I'm going to adjust it myself and file.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

ThreeStrikes said:


> It's OK.
> 
> Don't make the deposits. It's still a tantrum. Still projecting and blameshifting.
> 
> It's a game of chicken that she will lose.


:iagree:

Empty threats. Thats all they are. Don't fall for anything she says. Obviously she has been playing you since she has the originals all along!

Do not make those deposits. 

You are serving her tomorrow, right?

ETA: posted before you did...lol glad you got the papers! And her projection is off the f*cking charts, man. Boy oh boy.....


----------



## Mavash.

Brilliantly played RG and now you know what she wants.

3strikes nailed it. She wants to cake eat indefinitely.

Stand your ground.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> She is certifiable. But sounds like you may get desired results having D4 every other weekend.
> 
> She's not far off from an Alec Baldwin phone call there.
> 
> Really sounding BPD in this message. Has she always been this paranoid?
> 
> She should get legal advice. It will also help you get what you are legally entitled to which is more than you've been getting.
> 
> Interesting that she was thinking of you in the shower.
> 
> In what regard does she think a cheater should be held?


I agree.

She is whacked out of her mind.

She was calling me all morning Private.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Just had our kid exchange.
> 
> She gave me the original settlement papers signed!
> 
> All the computations are wrong. Messed up.
> 
> Then she throws a tantrum. Because some woman was checking me out and she assumed she was meeting up with me.
> 
> Mrs. RG: She is so busted and ugly. That's so obvious it's awkward. Go leave with her.
> 
> Psycho.
> 
> I'm going to adjust it myself and file.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One of the *****s of Babylon!


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: You have a smart one there. That that was so obvious.

Paying no mind to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

[email protected] .......and she hasn't even been served yet....

I'm scared for you, RG....you are going to reach new levels of crazy with that one


----------



## tom67

The cheese is really sliding off her cracker.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: She is so busted and ugly. That's so obvious it's awkward. Go leave with her.
> 
> Psycho.
> 
> I'm going to adjust it myself and file.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Remember:

"Back off! Stop harassing me!"

If she continues, get an RO. 

You tried it the friendly way. Now go the legal route.


----------



## Mavash.

I think she's just trying to bait you.

Anything to regain some control.


----------



## Conrad

vi_bride04 said:


> [email protected] .......and she hasn't even been served yet....
> 
> I'm scared for you, RG....you are going to reach new levels of crazy with that one


I'm certain she's activated her ReGroup tracker.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> This has to sound familiar to you.


I could have kept writing but I was triggering.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> I think she's just trying to bait you.
> 
> Anything to regain some control.


Two camps: one says its about money others say about control. It's only about money insofar as she wants to control RG with his finances. 

Mrs RG is Mrs CeeGee on steroids. She is much more unstable but I recognize the tactics. 

Mrs CeeGee was a liar so she tried to make me out to be the liar. Mrs RG was a philanderer so she makes RG out to be a philanderer. Blameshifting and total denial. She can't be bad so you must be.


----------



## Mavash.

Oh I think it's both.

If RG paid her to leave she'd likely go for that.

Again with my friend. She wanted half his check while she moved in with the new guy.

He stalled and wouldn't sign anything.

Had she agreed to walk away with nothing he would have signed the agreement ASAP.

It boiled down to money AND control.


----------



## ReGroup

I agree Mavi...

When she loses control she does and says some horrible stuff.

I swear she was going to go off on that woman earlier today. She kept on looking like she believed she was with me. They kept looking at each other. 

On the 9th I'll have her served. I think things will start dying down a bit. Well, hopefully.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I agree Mavi...
> 
> When she loses control she does and says some horrible stuff.
> 
> I swear she was going to go off on that woman earlier today. She kept on looking like she believed she was with me. They kept looking at each other.
> 
> On the 9th I'll have her served. I think things will start dying down a bit. Well, hopefully.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whether or not things die down you are doing this for you and d. I hope d plays the drums all the time in their place.:FIREdevil::rofl:


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I agree Mavi...
> 
> When she loses control she does and says some horrible stuff.
> 
> I swear she was going to go off on that woman earlier today. She kept on looking like she believed she was with me. They kept looking at each other.
> 
> On the 9th I'll have her served. I think things will start dying down a bit. Well, hopefully.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Should have kissed that woman.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> I think she's just trying to bait you.
> 
> Anything to regain some control.


It's all about controlling her own self-loathing.

Disordereds can't stand themselves. They have low self-image. In fact, it's commonly been said that their sense of "self" is very warped.

Read what she says, watch what she does.

It's all blameshifting, and painting RG in a bad light (splitting) so that people will think the D was his fault. Making him look like a bad father. Making him look like a deadbeat. Accusing him of being the cheater.

She absolutely hated when he has looked good in front of others (show-stealer, anyone?)

If she can make RG out to be the villain, she can control her own self-loathing by playing the victim role.

These people really are mindfvcks. That's why I'm a proponent of GTFO. Attempting to figure them out is pointless.


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> It's all about controlling her own self-loathing.
> 
> Disordereds can't stand themselves. They have low self-image. In fact, it's commonly been said that their sense of "self" is very warped.
> 
> Read what she says, watch what she does.
> 
> It's all blameshifting, and painting RG in a bad light (splitting) so that people will think the D was his fault. Making him look like a bad father. Making him look like a deadbeat. Accusing him of being the cheater.
> 
> She absolutely hated when he has looked good in front of others (show-stealer, anyone?)
> 
> If she can make RG out to be the villain, she can control her own self-loathing by playing the victim role.
> 
> These people really are mindfvcks. That's why I'm a proponent of GTFO. Attempting to figure them out is pointless.


Wow, 3x... At what point did you realize your ex had these types of issues?

I for one refused to believe until I started on TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Wow, 3x... At what point did you realize your ex had these types of issues?
> 
> I for one refused to believe until I started on TAM.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, we had to chip away at those delusions

-The Big Chipper


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I agree Mavi...
> 
> When she loses control she does and says some horrible stuff.
> 
> I swear she was going to go off on that woman earlier today. She kept on looking like she believed she was with me. They kept looking at each other.
> 
> On the 9th I'll have her served. I think things will start dying down a bit. Well, hopefully.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dying down?

ROFLMFAO


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Yes, we had to chip away at those delusions
> 
> -The Big Chipper


You had her sized up from the get go Chip.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> You had her sized up from the get go Chip.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In the short term, this will not be dying down


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

Although things are a low point, Mrs RG has run into a corner in this game of Monopoly. Cutting off the money just means she landed on your property with hotels and she has to sell hers. You're going to file for divorce soon... that's another move that she cannot deal with. This not a board game, though but real life and she cannot quit and go home.

Actually, POSOM is another player. She probably is not getting much pleasure out of playing with him. She is screwing up so monumentally. Either he has begun to realize it or not, either way he has failed her tests because he cannot save her from the mess she has made. She must not even feel that marriage will rectify the situation.

I cannot picture her and POSOM having wonderful meals together or enjoying passionate sex anymore. If he is satisfied with this relationship, he is like a person drawn to the hole of volcano. The poisonous gases must be dulling his mind.

Put on the sense of humor RG smile and keep trying to have normal contact with your D. Think in terms of 50% custody... and what if she melts down and you need to have your daughter 100%?


----------



## Pam

RG,

My husband and I loved to travel, so I read a lot of travel forums; learned a lot of stuff that was useless to us but retained it anyway. 

You wouldn't be able to take your little girl out of the country without a signed, notarized statement of permission from her mother. With all the child-snatchings that have been going on lately, I have read that the airlines and authorities are checking for those statements very closely.

Just wanted to make you aware, so you don't get caught up in yet more trauma.


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes many disorders have a very high narcissistic side.

They are too fabulous for words and that's why nothing is ever their fault.

It does not compute to them why you wouldn't let them do as they want and why you won't accept whatever crumb they throw you.

RG was supposed to pine for Mrs RG and die alone not divorce her. LOL

The disorders that I've known had an inflated view of self.

Still a symptom of some seriously low self esteem.


----------



## catcalls

wow, this woman never fails to deliver. i would have gone mad keeping track of her moods. i think the way you are dealing with her now is the best way to do it. it is better she rants and raves and feels helpless rather than her lord over you and control you.

i think you will end up getting everything you want sooner if you continue on this path rather than pander to her


----------



## Conrad

Group,

You know this thread is taking on a life of it's own.

It had a natural lull, but I'll bet it's among the all-time most popular at TAM now.

150k page views... in THIS out of the way subforum.

And, we're just getting started.


----------



## tom67

Has your lawyer read any of her texts to you? See if he thinks if it is worth it to motion for a psych evaluation. Well get her served first, Conrad is right this is another beginning. Hang in there.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Group,
> 
> You know this thread is taking on a life of it's own.
> 
> It had a natural lull, but I'll bet it's among the all-time most popular at TAM now.
> 
> 150k page views... in THIS out of the way subforum.
> 
> And, we're just getting started.


I wish she knew what happened in between me being a SUCKER and where I stand now.

The TAM Army got involved and it was all over for her.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I wish she knew what happened in between me being a SUCKER and where I stand now.
> 
> The TAM Army got involved and it was all over for her.


She's in for numerous cold shocks of reality.

Do you know the term "_schadenfreude_"?


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I wish she knew what happened in between me being a SUCKER and where I stand now.
> 
> The TAM Army got involved and it was all over for her.


Wouldn't make a difference. 

It would only give her something else to be angry about.

"Are you going to run and tell your little internet friends about this RG?"

"Can't speak for yourself RG?"


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I wish she knew what happened in between me being a SUCKER and where I stand now.
> 
> The TAM Army got involved and it was all over for her.


Wouldn't matter.

My sister stood by and watched me grow. Knew all the in's, the out's and the names of the people in my army.

In the end she still thought the rules didn't apply to her.

She's too fabulous for words.


----------



## GutPunch

Ceegee said:


> Wouldn't make a difference.
> 
> It would only give her something else to be angry about.
> 
> "Are you going to run and tell your little internet friends about this RG?"
> 
> "Can't speak for yourself RG?"


LOL....So true.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Wouldn't make a difference.
> 
> It would only give her something else to be angry about.
> 
> "Are you going to run and tell your little internet friends about this RG?"
> 
> "Can't speak for yourself RG?"


You have to be an Aquarian.


----------



## ReGroup

True...

Still funny to me though.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> True...
> 
> Still funny to me though.


It is.

My toxic, estranged mother smiled/waved at my husband the other day. She didn't flip him off like she usually does. LOL

I giggled at how she doesn't know us at all.

Over the years we've helped her via my sister. We've forgiven her and she's clung to her anger as if her very life depended on it. 

Nuts.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> It is.
> 
> My toxic, estranged mother smiled/waved at my husband the other day. She didn't flip him off like she usually does. LOL
> 
> I giggled at how she doesn't know us at all.
> 
> Over the years we've helped her via my sister. We've forgiven her and she's clung to her anger as if her very life depended on it.
> 
> Nuts.


She usually flips him off?


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> She usually flips him off?


Yes.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Yes.


Sounds like exMIL.

One week saying hi and smiling to my mother. The next she's pushing her and calling her white trash at my D6's baseball game.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Yes.


Does he wave back?

I'd be tempted to return the salute.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Sounds like exMIL.
> 
> One week saying hi and smiling to my mother. The next she's pushing her and calling her white trash at my D6's baseball game.


It unnerves me. My estranged mom has consistently hated us for over a decade. And now she's waving? My dad died a year ago from alcoholism so my fear is she's thinking R.

Um no.

No room in my life for crazy and I refuse to rescue her.

Not my problem that she put all her eggs in the wrong basket.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Sounds like exMIL.
> 
> One week saying hi and smiling to my mother. The next she's pushing her and calling her white trash at my D6's baseball game.


Ah man... that sounds like MIL!

When D4 was born, she caused a scene at the hospital. 

Threatened me, while her daughter laid there crying. She shoved the bassinet in my direction, yelling profanity, while everyone looked in horror.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Ah man... that sounds like MIL!
> 
> When D4 was born, she caused a scene at the hospital.
> 
> Threatened me, while her daughter laid there crying. She shoved the bassinet in my direction, yelling profanity, while everyone looked in horror.


Yep that's my mother too.

When my kids were born I put myself on lockdown at the hospital.

Kinda sad because that meant I couldn't put our names on anything out of fear she'd show up and cause a scene.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Ah man... that sounds like MIL!
> 
> When D4 was born, she caused a scene at the hospital.
> 
> Threatened me, while her daughter laid there crying. She shoved the bassinet in my direction, yelling profanity, while everyone looked in horror.


Like mother like daughter.


----------



## Conrad

Any of you guys wonder how we hear all the time about abused children (at the hand of their mothers), but they must just be excellent wives, because you never really hear about abused husbands.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Does he wave back?
> 
> I'd be tempted to return the salute.


He ignores her when she flips him off.

When she waved he waved back.

Changes nothing.

Our life rocks on and she's still not a part of it.


----------



## Mavash.

Conrad said:


> Any of you guys wonder how we hear all the time about abused children (at the hand of their mothers), but they must just be excellent wives, because you never really hear about abused husbands.


We haven't evolved enough to imagine that husbands are being abused.

Men are supposed to be tough and denial runs deep.

I think of my old neighbor. A strapping, powerful, well to do man. His ex was abusive but most saw it as a shrew type event and therefore it's not damaging.

I watched this man age 10 years right in front of me from the affects of her. Would the story change if it were a women being treated this way by a man?

To me emotional abuse IS abuse. Doesn't matter whether it's a man or woman doing it either. It's still abuse.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> We haven't evolved enough to imagine that husbands are being abused.
> 
> Men are supposed to be tough and denial runs deep.
> 
> I think of my old neighbor. A strapping, powerful, well to do man. His ex was abusive but most saw it as a shrew type event and therefore it's not damaging.
> 
> I watched this man age 10 years right in front of me from the affects of her. Would the story change if it were a women being treated this way by a man?
> 
> To me emotional abuse IS abuse. Doesn't matter whether it's a man or woman doing it either. It's still abuse.


And if parents would simply understand that you create abusers by giving in and letting kids have "their way". Letting them judge and say whatever they want about whoever they want and kissing their ass/applauding them for their "insight"

I don't think children's opinions are insignificant.

But, there is such a monumental effort to befriend children (by parents) that it becomes enabling behavior.

The little darlings never really grow up, but in adult relationships, they become hell on earth.


----------



## Mavash.

BTW my husband and I argue often about the definition of 'abuse'.

He takes offense to the word somehow.

His grandmother was rumored to hit him often but to call that abusive is a bitter pill for him to swallow.

I mean it's his grandmother. :scratchhead:


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> And if parents would simply understand that you create abusers by giving in and letting kids have "their way". Letting them judge and say whatever they want about whoever they want and kissing their ass/applauding them for their "insight"
> 
> I don't think children's opinions are insignificant.
> 
> But, there is such a monumental effort to befriend children (by parents) that it becomes enabling behavior.
> 
> The little darlings never really grow up, but in adult relationships, they become hell on earth.


A-men! 

The MC told my ex-husband that he was abusive and narcissistic because Mommy dearest was an enabler.

When he told ex-MIL what the counselor said, she retorted with, "I hope you stood up for your mother. They're all whack jobs, anyway!"


----------



## Mavash.

Neglect of children can take many forms.

Helicopter parents, coddling, spoiling, codependent to refrigerator mothers, harsh, authoritative, and rigid parents.

Each sets the kid up to fail.

I suspect very few people know how to parent in a healthy manner.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> Neglect of children can take many forms.
> 
> Helicopter parents, coddling, spoiling, codependent to refrigerator mothers, harsh, authoritative, and rigid parents.
> 
> Each sets the kid up to fail.
> 
> I suspect very few people know how to parent in a healthy manner.


These patterns go on, but there must be some regression to the mean otherwise the dysfunctional abusive people would have destroy mankind. We limp on. 

Let us hope that RG can rescue his daughter.

Now that the divorce is becoming a reality for her, I am curious to know what she would say if RG were to ask her in a kind, straightforward and good humored way, if she had ever wished to save their marriage.

But I suppose relationship talk with her would simply excite trouble. There is no sense in provoking more of that.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> Now that the divorce is becoming a reality for her, I am curious to know what she would say if RG were to ask her in a kind, straightforward and good humored way, if she had ever wished to save their marriage.
> 
> But I suppose relationship talk with her would simply excite trouble. There is no sense in provoking more of that.


Welcome back LW.

Recently, something has happened: I am not finding her as attractive as I once did. 

She is repulsing me as much I am repulsing her. LOL.

FYI: I purchased The Hello Kitty Drum-Set... I told D4, "practice every day baby."

Tommy, you proud of me???


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Welcome back LW.
> 
> Recently, something has happened: I am not finding her as attractive as I once did.
> 
> She is repulsing me as much I am repulsing her. LOL.
> 
> FYI: I purchased The Hello Kitty Drum-Set... I told D4, "practice every day baby."
> 
> Tommy, you proud of me???


Too awesome for words.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Welcome back LW.
> 
> Recently, something has happened: I am not finding her as attractive as I once did.
> 
> She is repulsing me as much I am repulsing her. LOL.
> 
> FYI: I purchased The Hello Kitty Drum-Set... I told D4, "practice every day baby."
> 
> Tommy, you proud of me???


What about the practice phone?


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> What about the practice phone?


I lady had given us a store-display phone about a month ago - when D4 told you know who that a "friend" (sales associate) gave it to us... 

It was confiscated by you know who... never to be seen again.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Ah man... that sounds like MIL!
> 
> When D4 was born, she caused a scene at the hospital.
> 
> Threatened me, while her daughter laid there crying. She shoved the bassinet in my direction, yelling profanity, while everyone looked in horror.


Oh SO the apple does not fall too far from the tree?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I lady had given us a store-display phone about a month ago - when D4 told you know who that a "friend" (sales associate) gave it to us...
> 
> It was confiscated by you know who... never to be seen again.


Get one and practice with her while she's with you.

As you hammer out the divorce, put the clause in there that D4 is to have her own phone - and it's not to be touched.

Watch her have a shix hemorrhage.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I lady had given us a store-display phone about a month ago - when D4 told you know who that a "friend" (sales associate) gave it to us...
> 
> It was confiscated by you know who... never to be seen again.


Mrs RG sure has a lot of confidence in your abilities. 

She thinks you're a regular Don Juan.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I lady had given us a store-display phone about a month ago - when D4 told you know who that a "friend" (sales associate) gave it to us...
> 
> It was confiscated by you know who... never to be seen again.


Even if you bought it she still would have confiscated it.

It's about control and she isn't going to give you an inch.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Even if you bought it she still would have confiscated it.
> 
> It's about control and she isn't going to give you an inch.


FWIW, Mrs CG wouldn't let the kids talk to me when it was "her time" early on in the separation. 

It wasn't until a third party on the divorce team convinced her it was the right thing to do for the kids' sake that she allowed one phone call a day at 8:00 PM.

From there, I got oldest boy an iPhone for Christmas. She would take it away from him at first but as time passed she got tired of fighting with him over it. Soon after, I got iPhones for the other two kids.

She just eventually gave up and conceded to allow the kids to contact me whenever they want.


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup said:


> Welcome back LW.
> 
> Recently, something has happened: I am not finding her as attractive as I once did.
> 
> She is repulsing me as much I am repulsing her. LOL.
> 
> FYI: I purchased The Hello Kitty Drum-Set... I told D4, "practice every day baby."
> 
> Tommy, you proud of me???


RG,

I could only wonder this because you are already not going to reconcile. Moreover, you are not going to have sex with her just to play mind games. It would be interesting for you to pin her down for two reasons. Closure. Also, whether she admits or denies that she hoped to hold on to you in some way, she needs to see that her control over the terms of divorce and custody will not follow her fantasy expectations.

You did not crumble. If anything is going to give way, it is her.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> She just eventually gave up and conceded to allow the kids to contact me whenever they want.


Your whole post was awesome!

THIS sentence is key.

Kids can wear down a disordered person STAT. LOL


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> RG,
> 
> I could only wonder this because you are already not going to reconcile. Moreover, you are not going to have sex with her just to play mind games. It would be interesting for you to pin her down for two reasons. Closure. Also, whether she admits or denies that she hoped to hold on to you in some way, she needs to see that her control over the terms of divorce and custody will not follow her fantasy expectations.
> 
> You did not crumble. If anything is going to give way, it is her.


She's already halfway down the otter slide.

Wait 'til you see her reaction when she looks around and figures it out.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Wait 'til you see her reaction when she looks around and figures it out.


I'd like to make t-shirts with the picture.


----------



## Mavash.

I remember when my sister cheated on her first husband. It would be YEARS before she looked around and figured it out. She tried to take him back to court but lost. Judge said no and she had to pay the court costs. 

Gotta love karma.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Welcome back LW.
> 
> Recently, something has happened: I am not finding her as attractive as I once did.
> 
> She is repulsing me as much I am repulsing her. LOL.


Six months from now, as her evil spell continues to dissipate, you are going to wonder why you were ever attracted to her to begin with.

Every time I see my ex I feel like kicking my own a$$! 15 years! Holy sh!t


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Group,

It might be worth it to put something in the D paperwork about letting your D have a phone/Ipod for communication purposes with you. Skype, Facetime, etc.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Six months from now, as her evil spell continues to dissipate, you are going to wonder why you were ever attracted to her to begin with.
> 
> Every time I see my ex I feel like kicking my own a$$! 15 years! Holy sh!t


Evil spells for evil sperm.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Six months from now, as her evil spell continues to dissipate, you are going to wonder why you were ever attracted to her to begin with.
> 
> Every time I see my ex I feel like kicking my own a$$! 15 years! Holy sh!t


I hope this is the case for RG. It would certainly make things a whole lot easier. 

When I see mine, however, I see the old Mrs CG. She is absolutely gorgeous. I'm remember how she used to be. I see glimpses of it when she's with our kids. 

I have to constantly remind myself that she's a piece of sh1t wrapped in nice packaging. She's a lemon of a Ferrari. 

I know exactly why I was attracted to her; just don't know why I stayed with her.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> I hope this is the case for RG. It would certainly make things a whole lot easier.
> 
> When I see mine, however, I see the old Mrs CG. She is absolutely gorgeous. I'm remember how she used to be. I see glimpses of it when she's with our kids.
> 
> I have to constantly remind myself that she's a piece of sh1t wrapped in nice packaging. She's a lemon of a Ferrari.
> 
> I know exactly why I was attracted to her; just don't know why I stayed with her.


I know Now that I've had a steady gf she tries on occasion to well bang me but I can't forget maybe I'll be weak one day.


----------



## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> I know Now that I've had a steady gf she tries on occasion to well bang me but I can't forget maybe I'll be weak one day.


I have one too. When she's here everything's great. I'm completely focused on her. She's a great woman and is completely devoted to me. 

When she leaves I think about Mrs CG. 

FML.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> I have one too. When she's here everything's great. I'm completely focused on her. She's a great woman and is completely devoted to me.
> 
> When she leaves I think about Mrs CG.
> 
> FML.


Hey we're guys This too shall pass. But if she makes those enchiladas again well...


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> When she leaves I think about Mrs CG.


More work to do.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> More work to do.


Ya think? 

Sorry for the jack RG.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Ya think?
> 
> Sorry for the jack RG.


Continuing for a few moments.

One of the enduring lessons of this place is be friggin' careful who you fall in love with.

Yes, you do have some control over it.

If you see these sorts of red flags, it's likely ok to date and have some fun.

But, avoid infatuation.

(You know, red flags like her mother getting into a fistfight with people she disagrees with... pulling a gun... that kind of thing)


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Continuing for a few moments.
> 
> One of the enduring lessons of this place is be friggin' careful who you fall in love with.
> 
> Yes, you do have some control over it.
> 
> If you see these sorts of red flags, it's likely ok to date and have some fun.
> 
> But, avoid infatuation.
> 
> (You know, red flags like her mother getting into a fistfight with people she disagrees with... pulling a gun... that kind of thing)


These are the easy ones to identify.

It's the more subtle red flags that are harder to spot and do the most long term damage. You tend to let those go on a lot longer and before you know it it's been 15 years of misery and you don't know what happened.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> These are the easy ones to identify.
> 
> It's the more subtle red flags that are harder to spot and do the most long term damage. You tend to let those go on a lot longer and before you know it it's been 15 years of misery and you don't know what happened.


Looking back, what were they?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Looking back, what were they?


A bunch, but just going to list the bigger ones.

Aversion to intimacy, emotionally shallow, couldn't/wouldn't communicate about relationship.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> It's the more subtle red flags that are harder to spot and do the most long term damage. You tend to let those go on a lot longer and before you know it it's been 15 years of misery and you don't know what happened.


For a long time I considered myself a magnet for dysfunctional people. And then I got it.

Those things I once considered subtle are now glaringly obvious. 

Another thing is the story of bricks.

All relationships have conflict. Every time someone does something that bothers you it's a brick between you. Could be something small like showing up late for a date or hateful words said in an argument.

Most people to avoid conflict let these things go not realizing there is now a brick between you. Every instance adds another brick until now you have a wall and you wonder what happened to the intimacy.

Deal with the bricks each and every one. Don't let them pile up. Learn to deal with conflict effectively. Communicate your hurts and your needs. Stand up for yourself. Speak up. Don't let fear stop you. Tell that person you're upset that they are late. Tell them it's not okay to talk to you that way.

Make this a habit in all your relationships and you will avoid years of misery.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> For a long time I considered myself a magnet for dysfunctional people. And then I got it.
> 
> Those things I once considered subtle are now glaringly obvious.
> 
> Another thing is the story of bricks.
> 
> All relationships have conflict. Every time someone does something that bothers you it's a brick between you. Could be something small like showing up late for a date or hateful words said in an argument.
> 
> Most people to avoid conflict let these things go not realizing there is now a brick between you. Every instance adds another brick until now you have a wall and you wonder what happened to the intimacy.
> 
> Deal with the bricks each and every one. Don't let them pile up. Learn to deal with conflict effectively. Communicate your hurts and your needs. Stand up for yourself. Speak up. Don't let fear stop you. Tell that person you're upset that they are late. Tell them it's not okay to talk to you that way.
> 
> Make this a habit in all your relationships and you will avoid years of misery.


I'm upset at you Mav for not telling us this 15 years ago.

No bricks...


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I'm upset at you Mav for not telling us this 15 years ago.
> 
> No bricks...


Each brick has #3 chiseled on the side of it.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> All relationships have conflict. Every time someone does something that bothers you it's a brick between you. Could be something small like showing up late for a date or hateful words said in an argument.
> 
> Most people to avoid conflict let these things go not realizing there is now a brick between you. Every instance adds another brick until now you have a wall and you wonder what happened to the intimacy.
> 
> Deal with the bricks each and every one. Don't let them pile up. Learn to deal with conflict effectively. Communicate your hurts and your needs. Stand up for yourself. Speak up. Don't let fear stop you. Tell that person you're upset that they are late. Tell them it's not okay to talk to you that way.
> 
> Make this a habit in all your relationships and you will avoid years of misery.


This is me! 

Pure Gold Mavi


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Each brick has #3 chiseled on the side of it.


I was most likely as angry as her - that's what I am truely sorry for.


----------



## Mavash.

I had to learn this myself. 

These days I will even tell my husband about irrational bricks.

There is something powerful about saying it out loud that makes me feel better.

Recently I was upset that he had to work late (not his fault) because he'd just gotten back in town.

He asked what was wrong and normally because I knew I was being unfair I'd lie and say "nothing".

This time I said clearly and plainly "I'm upset that you had to work late. I haven't seen you in a week and I miss you."

Brick gone.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Co-dependents are excellent bricklayers.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Co-dependents are excellent bricklayers.


She's a brick...house.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> She's a brick...house.


The Commodores - Brick House - YouTube


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I had to learn this myself.
> 
> These days I will even tell my husband about irrational bricks.
> 
> There is something powerful about saying it out loud that makes me feel better.
> 
> Recently I was upset that he had to work late (not his fault) because he'd just gotten back in town.
> 
> He asked what was wrong and normally because I knew I was being unfair I'd lie and say "nothing".
> 
> This time I said clearly and plainly "I'm upset that you had to work late. I haven't seen you in a week and I miss you."
> 
> Brick gone.


Let's say in your case...

Did your spouse follow your lead in your revelation - opening his eye to a better way?

Was he similar - then you both adjusted?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Let's say in your case...
> 
> Did your spouse follow your lead in your revelation - opening his eye to a better way?
> 
> Was he similar - then you both adjusted?


Our marriage used to be like yours. He was the passive, conflict avoidant, nice guy. I was the angry, aggressive, depressed wife. In year 7 I sought help.

I became a seeker. I read every book I could get my hands on. I studied relationships. I studied personalities, dynamics, and wanted to know what made people do the things they do. I studied mental illness. I went to therapy. I left no stone unturned.

So the short answer is he followed my lead.

I believe now if you give me enough raw materials I can manage any relationship now.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Our marriage used to be like yours. He was the passive, conflict avoidant, nice guy. I was the angry, aggressive, depressed wife. In year 7 I sought help.
> 
> I became a seeker. I read every book I could get my hands on. I studied relationships. I studied personalities, dynamics, and wanted to know what made people do the things they do. I studied mental illness. I went to therapy. I left no stone unturned.
> 
> So the short answer is he followed my lead.
> 
> I believe now if you give me enough raw materials I can manage any relationship now.


I see... so basically, w/o this type of insight (and applying it) it would have been rinse, lather and repeat in my next relationship.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I see... so basically, w/o this type of insight (and applying it) it would have been rinse, lather and repeat in my next relationship.


Why do you think so many 2nd marriages fail?


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> I see... so basically, w/o this type of insight (and applying it) it would have been rinse, lather and repeat in my next relationship.


YES!!! This is what I try so hard to get people to understand.

Had I divorced my husband before I got this insight I would have just found another passive man to marry. I'd get angry, depressed. He'd check out. Lather, rinse and repeat.

The least common denominator is all my unsatisfactory relationships is ME.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I see... so basically, w/o this type of insight (and applying it) it would have been rinse, lather and repeat in my next relationship.


You would've simply sought out someone new to fill the void inside. Most likely start another relationship with the foundation of nothing more than convenience and infatuation.

Which is why it's important to take things slow when you meet someone, build those boundaries and be aware of red flags. When you do, you will find yourself not interested in certain people you once were and even then you won't feel negative towards them.

They just aren't good for you long term and that's okay.


----------



## Mavash.

A funny.

My sister got divorced and a few years later got serious with a new man. She invited my husband and I over for dinner to meet him.

Afterwards my husband and I just looked at each other in awe. We spoke in unison "OMG he's just like Ex!!!" They looked alike, acted alike, it was eerie.

Needless to say that marriage ended much the same as the first one did. 

She didn't learn.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> A funny.
> 
> My sister got divorced and a few years later got serious with a new man. She invited my husband and I over for dinner to meet him.
> 
> Afterwards my husband and I just looked at each other in awe. We spoke in unison "OMG he's just like Ex!!!" They looked alike, acted alike, it was eerie.
> 
> Needless to say that marriage ended much the same as the first one did.
> 
> She didn't learn.


Did she buy the passive, "nice guy" concept?

If that's what he was.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Did she buy the passive, "nice guy" concept?
> 
> If that's what he was.


Nope she was still stuck on full of themselves, know it all, insecure, partying, frat boy types. Pretty boys who were good in bed (or so she says).

At the time she found nice guys boring same as I used to before I grew up.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Nope she was still stuck on full of themselves, know it all, insecure, partying, frat boy types. Pretty boys who were good in bed (or so she says).
> 
> At the time she found nice guys boring same as I used to before I grew up.


So, she needs perceivably socially superior mates to increase her own self worth?


----------



## somethingnewmaybe

Ceegee said:


> So, she needs perceivably socially superior mates to increase her own self worth?


Bingo. My wife did the exact same thing. add a dash of narcissism take away any form of accountability via gaslighting and you've just written a book of my marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

somethingnewmaybe said:


> Bingo. My wife did the exact same thing. add a dash of narcissism take away any form of accountability via gaslighting and you've just written a book of my marriage
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Band of Brothers we are. Lol.

Though, I feel like my senses are becoming coherent for the first time in a long time.

CG, you are dating - does it feel like you are too aware and observant of your new prospect?

I feel like it can be a detriment ... At least in my case I am looking and spotting every twitch in every person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Band of Brothers we are. Lol.
> 
> Though, I feel like my senses are becoming coherent for the first time in a long time.
> 
> CG, you are dating - does it feel like you are too aware and observant of your new prospect?
> 
> I feel like it can be a detriment ... At least in my case I am looking and spotting every twitch in every person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes RG. Other times I feel like a teenager getting some for the first time. 

I really like her. There are a couple of red flags. But she has the makings of a LTR. 

As I mentioned earlier, I still think about the X. But it's the classic version not the new formula. 

I think dating is good. Have fun. See where it goes. 

Keep your boundaries. See if she keeps hers.


----------



## ReGroup

I am ready. I don't have anyone in mind but ready to dive into the pool.

It'll be good practice. I have always been relationship guy.

It's going to be fun seeing what's out there.

I have a few events coming up - lets see where it goes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Sometimes RG. Other times I feel like a teenager getting some for the first time.
> 
> I really like her. There are a couple of red flags. But she has the makings of a LTR.
> 
> As I mentioned earlier, I still think about the X. But it's the classic version not the new formula.
> 
> I think dating is good. Have fun. See where it goes.
> 
> Keep your boundaries. See if she keeps hers.


Any Fitness Test yet? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Any Fitness Test yet? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. A big one that at first pizzed me off. 

I had my kids. It was Sunday so it was last day of weekend. "S" was out with mutual friends at a happy hour. She was texting me to hurry up and meet her. Implying that she wanted me to take the kids back early in order to spend time with her. 

My closeness with the kids are one of the major reasons she likes me. So, I know she doesn't really want me to do that. I told her that I was spending my last couple of hours with the kids and I wouldn't be returning anymore texts or answering phone calls; I'd see her when I see her. 

When I finally met up with her she couldn't keep her hands off of me and she apologized for pestering me.


----------



## ReGroup

My Man!!!

Smiling ear to ear.

It's like the magic potion of attraction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> My Man!!!
> 
> Smiling ear to ear.
> 
> It's like the magic potion of attraction.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We all want to say that we don't want to play games. 

Maybe we don't, but we can push the envelope sometimes to see what we can get away with. 

Maybe we tell ourselves it's all just fun. 

You can have fun but not at the expense of our boundaries.


----------



## ReGroup

I spoke to D4 today and her mother told her I was busy this upcoming weekend.
Might have to prepare for another battle.

I got the "I wish I was with you" from D4. 

She hates being over there. 

Forgot to mention, when I got her the drum set, D4 said: I knew you would come through.

Deadbeat Scores!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I spoke to D4 today and her mother told her I was busy this upcoming weekend.
> 
> Deadbeat Scores!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What, if anything, do you say to D4 about these lies?


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I spoke to D4 today and her mother told her I was busy this upcoming weekend.
> Might have to prepare for another battle.
> 
> I got the "I wish I was with you" from D4.
> 
> She hates being over there.
> 
> Forgot to mention, when I got her the drum set, D4 said: I knew you would come through.
> 
> Deadbeat Scores!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sorry RG, what she's doing is really horrible.

You have to do something about it, it's just not right.


----------



## Ceegee

This is a net win. Keep track of the good things. Forget the bad.

The good come from D4. The bad come from the evil one.




ReGroup said:


> I spoke to D4 today and her mother told her I was busy this upcoming weekend.
> Might have to prepare for another battle.
> 
> I got the "I wish I was with you" from D4.
> 
> She hates being over there.
> 
> Forgot to mention, when I got her the drum set, D4 said: I knew you would come through.
> 
> Deadbeat Scores!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> What, if anything, do you say to D4 about these lies?


I just reassure her the best I can. I reinforce to her that I don't lie to her.

She volunteers that bad things are being said about me. I say, "do you believe it?" And she says NO.

I can manage it. It hasn't effected our relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Sorry RG, what she's doing is really horrible.
> 
> You have to do something about it, it's just not right.


Her burning hate for me continues. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I just reassure her the best I can. I reinforce to her that I don't lie to her.
> 
> She volunteers that bad things are being said about me. I say, "do you believe it?" And she says NO.
> 
> I can manage it. It hasn't effected our relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are doing great. 

She is aware of what's going on on her own.

That's the best you can possibly hope for.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Her burning hate for me continues. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sh!t's gonna change after the 9th:lol:


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Her burning hate for me continues. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's so ridiculous. The 9th can't come soon enough for you.


----------



## Ceegee

smallsteps said:


> She's so ridiculous. The 9th can't come soon enough for you.


Just as long as you're prepared for what comes from Mrs RG once you're granted more time with D4. 

It will likely get worse before it gets better.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Yep. A big one that at first pizzed me off.
> 
> I had my kids. It was Sunday so it was last day of weekend. "S" was out with mutual friends at a happy hour. She was texting me to hurry up and meet her. Implying that she wanted me to take the kids back early in order to spend time with her.
> 
> My closeness with the kids are one of the major reasons she likes me. So, I know she doesn't really want me to do that. I told her that I was spending my last couple of hours with the kids and I wouldn't be returning anymore texts or answering phone calls; I'd see her when I see her.
> 
> When I finally met up with her she couldn't keep her hands off of me and she apologized for pestering me.


Good good man.

No way to like this one enough.


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> She's so ridiculous. The 9th can't come soon enough for you.


She has her dream job as a School Psychologist.
Has D4 on most days.
A new apartment.
Her dream guy.

And is still hateful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> She has her dream job as a School Psychologist.
> Has D4 on most days.
> A new apartment.
> Her dream guy.
> 
> And is still hateful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good God she is a psychologist?:banghead::banghead:


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Band of Brothers we are. Lol.
> 
> Though, I feel like my senses are becoming coherent for the first time in a long time.
> 
> CG, you are dating - does it feel like you are too aware and observant of your new prospect?
> 
> I feel like it can be a detriment ... At least in my case I am looking and spotting every twitch in every person.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You better be.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Good God she is a psychologist?:banghead::banghead:


She can start on herself.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> She has her dream job as a School Psychologist.
> Has D4 on most days.
> A new apartment.
> Her dream guy.
> 
> And is still hateful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Someone like that is never happy. She'll search and search for it but it will never happen.

They also like to spread their misery to others. You know the saying "misery loves company"? It was made for her lol.

She figures if she's not happy why should you be?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> She can start on herself.


In her disordered mind, she's the good guy. Group is the boogie man.

I remember reading a BPD article by a psychologist. The author was saying that high conflict individuals tend to gravitate to careers like counselling.


----------



## LongWalk

LostLove's wife got an MA in counseling. She fits that mold. My anguished father became a psychiatrist. My two cousins with same sick family dynamic became a... yes, PhD clinical psychology (dropped from Columbia and had to switch to NYU) and psychiatrist. All people with problems.

The psychologist's little sister became a federal parole officer. She never married or as far as I can tell had boy or girl friends. She knew that she liked working with boundaries.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> She has her dream job as a School Psychologist.
> Has D4 on most days.
> A new apartment.
> Her dream guy.
> 
> And is still hateful.


_Cura te ipsum._


----------



## Pbartender

ThreeStrikes said:


> I remember reading a BPD article by a psychologist. The author was saying that high conflict individuals tend to gravitate to careers like counselling.


It's a way of convincing themselves that they don't have a problem... "If I can be a counselor or psychologist, then I can't have any emotional or psychological problems." or "If I can be a counselor or psychologist, I can recognize my own problems and deal with them myself."


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> She has her dream job as a School Psychologist.
> Has D4 on most days.
> A new apartment.
> Her dream guy.
> 
> And is still hateful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The problem is IN her therefore it cannot be affected by outside circumstances.

Wherever you go there you are.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> So, she needs perceivably socially superior mates to increase her own self worth?


Still trying to wrap my brain around this sentence. These men had no ambition but looked good. Arm candy? It's almost like she was the man in the marriage and chose a trophy husband. Emasculating so not sustainable. She's married down in my opinion. My sister is highly intelligent and gifted.


----------



## hope4family

Hearing those words from your kid. I am sure means a lot to you. 

You show stealing fan. 

No wonder your ex is po'd at you all the time.


----------



## ReGroup

CG will enjoy this one.

Her: Hi RG. Not sure why you told D4 that you were taking her to a birthday party this weekend. I told you Monday that she would be with me this weekend.

RG: What does cozi say?
Furthermore, not once did you make mention of that or I would not have brought it up.

Her: I said it on Monday to you. We don’t have a good communication forum. It needs to improve.

RG: In addition, don’t tell D4 that “Poppi is busy” … If you have plans with her, say “It’s my weekend with you”.

Her: I didn’t tell her you were busy.
-LOL

RG: I have updated the calendar a month in advance.

Her: The calendar is up for negotiation. You did not tell me that you were going to have her for the long Labor Day weekend. You refuse to speak to me when I see you. Also it’s the weekend before school starts. I need to get her ready and get her clothes and shoes.

RG: There is a calendar in place for negotiation (written communications).
I expect to have her this weekend.
Labor Day Weekend was also noted on cozi.

*Like 3x noted a few weeks ago – I don’t really have any power here. So there is nothing much I can do.

And no, she never said a word about this weekend.

Momma RG wanted to take D4 to a party. Up in smoke.


----------



## ReGroup

I wish I had BPD (Kidding)... but damn, You can do no wrong - in your mind of course.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

Rooting for you to apply for sole custody. It may not happen but Mrs RG is trying to build a case for you to be a weekend dad forever. Tragic if that happens.

You probably never touch her these days. The next time you meet maybe you gently put a hand on her upper arm, not as a come on, but one of those gestures of reassurance. At the same time state your request for whatever you are seeking. Be interesting if she will be more flexible if you exhibit this confident behavior.


----------



## vi_bride04

So when is she getting served???


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I wish I had BPD (Kidding)... but damn, You can do no wrong - in your mind of course.


----------



## hope4family

Just remember, she will always be right. 

Until you are certifiably wrong.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> You probably never touch her these days. The next time you meet maybe you gently put a hand on her upper arm, not as a come on, but one of those gestures of reassurance. At the same time state your request for whatever you are seeking. Be interesting if she will be more flexible if you exhibit this confident behavior.


She'll probably enjoy it. 

She already thinks I am the most arrogant, cold, heartless man who's ever lived.

Believe me, there is nothing but firmness in our interactions.

I am considering the 50/50. Though my dreams of living in Chip's former neck of the woods will be shot to hell.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Her: Hi RG. Not sure why you told D4 that you were taking her to a birthday party this weekend. I told you Monday that she would be with me this weekend.


I have a different stance on this whole conversation. You know she has all the power until you get a court order so this entire exchange was a waste of time.

I would have stopped talking to her after the first message. 

My response would have been "ok" then I'd be done.

Fight her in court not via email.


----------



## Mavash.

Besides I think she's effing with you.

If you say "ok" she loses the satisfaction of knowing she got to you.

Oh and stop telling D4 what your plans are for now.

Mrs RG will squash them otherwise.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> Besides I think she's effing with you.
> 
> If you say "ok" she loses the satisfaction of knowing she got to you.
> 
> Oh and stop telling D4 what your plans are for now.
> 
> Mrs RG will squash them otherwise.


:iagree:

I knew I had no hope. If anything I wanted to point out that cozi is set up to use for these types of things.

She wants me to have talks and stuff. Have better communications. LOL. NEVER.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> Besides I think she's effing with you.
> 
> If you say "ok" she loses the satisfaction of knowing she got to you.
> 
> Oh and stop telling D4 what your plans are for now.
> 
> Mrs RG will squash them otherwise.


Agreed, this "mom said / dad said" stuff coming from D4 does that little girl no good.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> CG will enjoy this one.
> 
> Her: Hi RG. Not sure why you told D4 that you were taking her to a birthday party this weekend. I told you Monday that she would be with me this weekend.
> 
> RG: What does cozi say?
> Furthermore, not once did you make mention of that or I would not have brought it up.
> 
> Her: I said it on Monday to you. We don’t have a good communication forum. It needs to improve.
> 
> RG: In addition, don’t tell D4 that “Poppi is busy” … If you have plans with her, say “It’s my weekend with you”.
> 
> Her: I didn’t tell her you were busy.
> -LOL
> 
> RG: I have updated the calendar a month in advance.
> 
> Her: The calendar is up for negotiation. You did not tell me that you were going to have her for the long Labor Day weekend. You refuse to speak to me when I see you. Also it’s the weekend before school starts. I need to get her ready and get her clothes and shoes.
> 
> RG: There is a calendar in place for negotiation (written communications).
> *I expect to have her this weekend.*
> Labor Day Weekend was also noted on cozi.
> 
> *Like 3x noted a few weeks ago – I don’t really have any power here. So there is nothing much I can do.
> 
> And no, she never said a word about this weekend.
> 
> Momma RG wanted to take D4 to a party. Up in smoke.


Like how you stated your expectation. You can't make her do anything but you can be firm with your wishes. Don't let up on them if/when it doesn't go your way.

I bet she really hates cozi.

She'd much rather continue direct communication with you.

She can neither manipulate nor feed off of the emotions of an online calendar.


----------



## tom67

Mavash. said:


> Besides I think she's effing with you.
> 
> If you say "ok" she loses the satisfaction of knowing she got to you.
> 
> Oh and stop telling D4 what your plans are for now.
> 
> Mrs RG will squash them otherwise.


I hope she lashes out on the 9th after being served via text so you have it for court especially if she threatens to not let d4 see you again to me that's her last card remaining.


----------



## tom67

Treat her like a cornered rat...so to speak.


----------



## Mavash.

When she magically produced the papers she supposedly mailed that taught me that she's not beneath bold face lying. Those type people are tricky to manage because they act all doe eyed and innocent while they stab you in the back.

The more you bring up the cozi calendar the LESS she will use it.

She's in full on retaliation mode.

Know your enemy and never underestimate the levels they will stoop.


----------



## hope4family

06Daddio08 said:


> Agreed, this "mom said / dad said" stuff coming from D4 does that little girl no good.


Agree to disagree here. 

Of course, I have a court order. So when Dad says he will "see you x" he means it. 

Regroup. File and get a court order for some visitation rights. Go for 100%, be the show stealing fan. Then when she biotches, ask for 80/20 your favor. 

Make 50/50 look like a wonderful idea.


----------



## tom67

hope4family said:


> Agree to disagree here.
> 
> Of course, I have a court order. So when Dad says he will "see you x" he means it.
> 
> Regroup. File and get a court order for some visitation rights. Go for 100%, be the show stealing fan. Then when she biotches, ask for 80/20 your favor.
> 
> Make 50/50 look like a wonderful idea.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## Mavash.

hope4family said:


> Agree to disagree here.
> 
> Of course, I have a court order. So when Dad says he will "see you x" he means it.
> 
> Regroup. File and get a court order for some visitation rights. Go for 100%, be the show stealing fan. Then when she biotches, ask for 80/20 your favor.
> 
> Make 50/50 look like a wonderful idea.


Key words here are "court order".

Until then RG needs to keep quiet.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> Key words here are "court order".
> 
> Until then RG needs to keep quiet.


Keeping quiet is going to drive her nuts. 

Or should I say 'nuttier'.

She's just showing off that she has perceived 'negotiating power' by withholding visitation time with D4. "Look at me, RG! I've got our daughter, and you can't see her unless you do as I say!". You know, kinda like the spoiled little girl does when she's showing her friends her new Barbie Doll.

The truth is, she's really got nothing. If she withholds visitation, you use it against her in court.

If she harasses with texts and emails, you use it against her in court.

If she doesn't adhere to cozi, use it against her in court.

You should have ample evidence to show that she is not going to be an effective co-parent.

Don't you love it when a plan comes together?


----------



## tom67

ThreeStrikes said:


> Keeping quiet is going to drive her nuts.
> 
> Or should I say 'nuttier'.
> 
> She's just showing off that she has perceived 'negotiating power' by withholding visitation time with D4. "Look at me, RG! I've got our daughter, and you can't see her unless you do as I say!". You know, kinda like the spoiled little girl does when she's showing her friends her new Barbie Doll.
> 
> The truth is, she's really got nothing. If she withholds visitation, you use it against her in court.
> 
> If she harasses with texts and emails, you use it against her in court.
> 
> If she doesn't adhere to cozi, use it against her in court.
> 
> You should have ample evidence to show that she is not going to be an effective co-parent.
> 
> Don't you love it when a plan comes together?


:lol::BoomSmilie_anim::BoomSmilie_anim:


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Key words here are "court order".
> 
> Until then RG needs to keep quiet.


If I were an expert in communicating with these types I wouldn't be here. 

Mavash is clearly more skilled than I.

However, I still think you need to continue to let it be known that your wishes are to spend time with D4 and act accordingly. If Mrs RG doesn't comply that's on her.

There shouldn't be any bickering back and forth maybe, but you should display a reasonable expectation for equitable time with your daughter.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash is masterful.

By the way is the GPS in the drum set functioning?


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> Mavash is masterful.
> 
> By the way is the GPS in the drum set functioning?


Good call Long why didn't I think of that?:scratchhead:


----------



## Mavash.

By quiet I meant don't tell D4 about weekend plans.

By quiet I mean don't argue with her when she says she's keeping D4 on YOUR weekend.

By quiet I meant stop bringing up the cozi calendar.

Mrs RG is no dummy. She knows what she's doing. She proved this with the papers she supposedly mailed.

Thing is I and everyone on this thread knows it isn't going to go the way she thinks it will.


----------



## tom67

Mavash. said:


> By quiet I meant don't tell D4 about weekend plans.
> 
> By quiet I mean don't argue with her when she says she's keeping D4 on YOUR weekend.
> 
> By quiet I meant stop bringing up the cozi calendar.
> 
> Mrs RG is no dummy. She knows what she's doing. She proved this with the papers she supposedly mailed.
> 
> Thing is I and everyone on this thread knows it isn't going to go the way she thinks it will.


Karma bus is coming to NYC 4 days.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> By quiet I meant don't tell D4 about weekend plans.
> 
> By quiet I mean don't argue with her when she says she's keeping D4 on YOUR weekend.
> 
> By quiet I meant stop bringing up the cozi calendar.
> 
> Mrs RG is no dummy. She knows what she's doing. She proved this with the papers she supposedly mailed.
> 
> Thing is I and everyone on this thread knows it isn't going to go the way she thinks it will.


Talk less - do more


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Grab some popcorn.

Enjoy the show.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: What's going on with the paper work?

You're supposed to show me finalized numbers (that page) before you file.

I also need to know when you file.

I have done everything that you have asked and more. I have not gotten nasty with this unlike you. And still we are nowhere.

I have been advised to go to family court and seek child support and ask for it to be retroactive since you have refused to pay child support. I want all of this done ASAP. If you have filed then I will postpone if you have not or do not have a date then I will follow through. I will also request standard visitation which is every other weekend.

I gave you the papers on Tuesday. I'm not sure why you have not filed yet. 

Going to court seems to be the ONLY thing that will get the ball rolling on this process since you have chosen to withhold support and been going back and forth with the papers. 

RG: Are you done? Do as you please.

I'll send you the corrections in 5 minutes.

Mrs. RG: This is not a threat or anything. I want this done ASAP.

Thank god for us. When do you think is the eta for filing?


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Mavash. said:


> Mrs RG is no dummy. She knows what she's doing. She proved this with the papers she supposedly mailed.
> 
> Thing is I and everyone on this thread knows it isn't going to go the way she thinks it will.


She *thinks* she knows what she's doing. She's a legend in her own mind, ya know?

After she gets served, and reality starts to set in, we're in for quite a display of the disordered mind. 

I feel bad for ya, Group. It's going to get real ugly until the deed is done. And then who knows for how long after....

( I was threatened with an RO this week. Disordered exes are the gift that keep on giving. )


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: What's going on with the paper work?
> 
> You're supposed to show me finalized numbers (that page) before you file.
> 
> I also need to know when you file.
> 
> I have done everything that you have asked and more. I have not gotten nasty with this unlike you. And still we are nowhere.
> 
> I have been advised to go to family court and seek child support and ask for it to be retroactive since you have refused to pay child support. I want all of this done ASAP. If you have filed then I will postpone if you have not or do not have a date then I will follow through. I will also request standard visitation which is every other weekend.
> 
> I gave you the papers on Tuesday. I'm not sure why you have not filed yet.
> 
> Going to court seems to be the ONLY thing that will get the ball rolling on this process since you have chosen to withhold support and been going back and forth with the papers.
> 
> RG: Are you done? Do as you please.
> 
> I'll send you the corrections in 5 minutes.
> 
> Mrs. RG: This is not a threat or anything. I want this done ASAP.
> 
> Thank god for us. When do you think is the eta for filing?


"BACK OFF! Stop harassing me"


----------



## vi_bride04

ThreeStrikes said:


> "BACK OFF! Stop harassing me"


Have you ever texted this to her, RG? I think you do need to start. It will be easier to get a RO if necessary in the future....

And I think with her level of crazy, you may need to get an RO once things really get going on the legal front!


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> She *thinks* she knows what she's doing. She's a legend in her own mind, ya know?
> 
> After she gets served, and reality starts to set in, we're in for quite a display of the disordered mind.
> 
> I feel bad for ya, Group. It's going to get real ugly until the deed is done. And then who knows for how long after....
> 
> ( I was threatened with an RO this week. Disordered exes are the gift that keep on giving. )


I was threatened with RO's on several occasions. 

Accused of tampering with her car. 

Accused of following her. 

Like Mrs RG, Mrs CG claimed I was the one being ugly.

Fortunately, I had a good attorney that recommended we hire a mental health professional that was monitoring everything and knew the truth. This is the only reason the RO's were never filed. 

It's pretty scary stuff.


----------



## Conrad

September 9th will be a TAM day for the ages.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Ceegee said:


> I was threatened with RO's on several occasions.
> 
> Accused of tampering with her car.
> 
> Accused of following her.
> 
> Like Mrs RG, Mrs CG claimed I was the one being ugly.
> 
> Fortunately, I had a good attorney that recommended we hire a mental health professional that was monitoring everything and knew the truth. This is the only reason the RO's were never filed.
> 
> It's pretty scary stuff.


I think I told Script something similar. All of our disordered, high conflict exes were spawned from the same Shrew-Devil.

I simply told me ex that I would have my attorney subpoena her text message transcripts, to prove my innocence. She changed her tune in a heartbeat. There is no way she wants the general public to see the "real" version of her that I know.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> September 9th will be a TAM day for the ages.


Do you have enough jerseys it's going to be a double header.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> I was threatened with RO's on several occasions.
> 
> Accused of tampering with her car.
> 
> Accused of following her.
> 
> Like Mrs RG, Mrs CG claimed I was the one being ugly.
> 
> Fortunately, I had a good attorney that recommended we hire a mental health professional that was monitoring everything and knew the truth. This is the only reason the RO's were never filed.
> 
> It's pretty scary stuff.


RG is going to have to go this route.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I was threatened with RO's on several occasions.
> 
> Accused of tampering with her car.
> 
> Accused of following her.
> 
> Like Mrs RG, Mrs CG claimed I was the one being ugly.
> 
> Fortunately, I had a good attorney that recommended we hire a mental health professional that was monitoring everything and knew the truth. This is the only reason the RO's were never filed.
> 
> It's pretty scary stuff.


She also kept accusing you of stashing money.


----------



## ReGroup

She must be Top 25 in Crazy that has been mentioned on this board of all time.


----------



## Mavash.

She's just pissed that keeping D4 this weekend didn't get the desired response.

She's got the patience of a 2 year old.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> I think I told Script something similar. All of our disordered, high conflict exes were spawned from the same Shrew-Devil.
> 
> I simply told me ex that I would have my attorney subpoena her text message transcripts, to prove my innocence. She changed her tune in a heartbeat. There is no way she wants the general public to see the "real" version of her that I know.


Didn't stop Mrs CG. 

Anytime I got the threatening emails I forwarded them to the MHP and copied her.

She said that I wasn't including everything and that I was just trying to make her look like a bad person.

Utter denial.

Save everything RG. All correspondence.

Does Cozi have email? If not, consider checking out ourfamilywizard.com.

You can setup your professionals (attorneys, therapists, etc) so that they can review all messages. 

May not slow her down but the people deciding your lives will see the truth.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> She also kept accusing you of stashing money.


Yep, and as we found out the day after divorce was final, it was she who was stashing money. :rofl:


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Do you have enough jerseys it's going to be a double header.


The smoking crater in NYC will likely be on the nightly news.

She's going to Chernobyl.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Yep, and as we found out the day after divorce was final, it was she who was stashing money. :rofl:


Talk about projecting geez


----------



## ReGroup

Now she wants every other weekends - with the negotiations for the other weekends.

Hell No
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Now she wants every other weekends - with the negotiations for the other weekends.
> 
> Hell No
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nothing less than 50/50 maybe after psych eval you 80-her 20.


----------



## Pbartender

All of this has happened before, and will happen again...


----------



## ReGroup

Pbartender said:


> All of this has happened before, and will happen again...


BattleStar Gallactica!


----------



## ReGroup

She signed the settlement and now wants to modify it. 

Why am I not surprised.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> She signed the settlement and now wants to modify it.
> 
> Why am I not surprised.


Don't say anything this weekend everything will be self explanatory on the 9th. I'd love to see the look on her face in front of her colleagues-priceless you cheap balding azz notch.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Then I think we might have a problem. What do you suggest. We both want this done ASAP?

I won't respond anymore.

But hey, on page 20-something of this marathon I was trembling at the notion of this Divorce... Now I am willing to run through burning coal to the finish line and laugh with you all at the same time.


----------



## LongWalk

I have trouble imagining the OM... he might not be a POS. Could be a wooden chap who does feel too much. Wait till Mrs RG squirts emotional lighter fluid on him to light his fire
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Then I think we might have a problem. What do you suggest. We both want this done ASAP?
> 
> I won't respond anymore.
> 
> But hey, on page 20-something of this marathon I was trembling at the notion of this Divorce... Now I am willing to run through burning coal to the finish line and laugh with you all at the same time.


Yeah, no more contact until she is served on Monday. Go uber-dark. 

After she is served, any attempts to negotiate or whatever should get this:

"All questions or comments should be directed to my attorney, who can be reached at (phone #)."

If she continues to bug you:

"I will not tolerate any more harassment. If this continues, I will have no choice but to obtain a restraining order."

You have to completely shut down the nice-guy aspect of yourself, Group.


----------



## 06Daddio08

"Standard Visitation" is not every other weekend. If anything go for nothing less than Shared Custody, which is 50/50 to 60/40 and gives both parents legal rights for final decisions.

This of course requires both parents to agree and if they cannot, mediators get involved through the court. You could also go for Shared Custody with final decision making power, meaning even if she doesn't agree you'd have final say.


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> I have trouble imagining the OM... he might not be a POS. Could be a wooden chap who does feel too much. Wait till Mrs RG squirts emotional lighter fluid on him to light his fire
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LW what would you give in the over/under when her man gets out of dodge...6 months, a year maybe? He has to see some of what is transpiring good grief.


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> LW what would you give in the over/under when her man gets out of dodge...6 months, a year maybe? He has to see some of what is transpiring good grief.


I have a fear creeping over me. 

First it was a money thing and now a child-scheduling thing.

She doesn't have the resources to go to court. No money for a lawyer.

(Just thinking out loud)

"Then I think we might have a problem. What do you suggest. We both want this done ASAP?"

Doesn't she recall I have THE SIGNED AGREED TO SETTLEMENT PAPERS?

:scratchhead:

I know I am having an IDIOT moment for trying to make sense of this.


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> "Standard Visitation" is not every other weekend. If anything go for nothing less than Shared Custody, which is 50/50 to 60/40 and gives both parents legal rights for final decisions.
> 
> This of course requires both parents to agree and if they cannot, mediators get involved through the court. You could also go for Shared Custody with final decision making power, meaning even if she doesn't agree you'd have final say.


I truly needed this. Thanks Daddio.


----------



## LongWalk

tom67 said:


> LW what would you give in the over/under when her man gets out of dodge...6 months, a year maybe? He has to see some of what is transpiring good grief.


OM must be blinking and trying swallow but finding his throat gone dry.


----------



## Mavash.

RG look at her actions not her words.

What do her actions say?


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG look at her actions not her words.
> 
> What do her actions say?


Her actions are that of a deranged lunatic.

I'm trying to crack the code but I can't.

Just trying to prep as best that I could.

What does your husband think about this Mavi? Lol. 

I feel sometimes like I need a substitute place in for me to deal with her. Exhausting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Her actions are that of a deranged lunatic.
> 
> I'm trying to crack the code but I can't.
> 
> Just trying to prep as best that I could.
> 
> What does your husband think about this Mavi? Lol.
> 
> *I feel sometimes like I need a substitute place in for me to deal with her. Exhausting.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You do. He's called your attorney.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I truly needed this. Thanks Daddio.


Look into the legalities of it in your state with your counsel to make sure it's the same where you live.

I never went for more than 50/50 custody but I did go for final decision making. She in turn went for primary care and when it came up in court we questioned her new motive.

When I spoke to the judge I said I went for final decision because we could not come to agreements together. Hell, she wouldn't even agree to a mediator to begin with instead of going to court.

I flat out said "if ex can agree to make decisions together, I'm okay with shared decision making".

Back then, she wasn't paying for daycare, didn't look into subsidy anything and even requested alimony.

In the end, I maintained the status quo I set forth (50/50) and she paid half the daycare. The judge said flat out alimony wasn't happening.

Then again, I did accuse her of intentional employment.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Her actions are that of a deranged lunatic.
> 
> I'm trying to crack the code but I can't.
> 
> Just trying to prep as best that I could.
> 
> What does your husband think about this Mavi? Lol.
> 
> I feel sometimes like I need a substitute place in for me to deal with her. Exhausting.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Forget what she says. 

She stalls on D. 

She lies about paperwork. 

She's paranoid about other women. 

She keeps D4 from you. 

She wasn't ready for a divorce and she never will be ready. 

And yes, she's a lunatic.


----------



## Tron

06Daddio08 said:


> "Standard Visitation" is not every other weekend. If anything go for nothing less than Shared Custody, which is 50/50 to 60/40 and gives both parents legal rights for final decisions.
> 
> This of course requires both parents to agree and if they cannot, mediators get involved through the court. You could also go for Shared Custody with final decision making power, meaning even if she doesn't agree you'd have final say.


I actually would pay money to see a mediation with her. The mediator is going to hate her guts!


----------



## tom67

Tron said:


> I actually would pay money to see a mediation with her. The mediator is going to hate her guts!


Stream it on justin tv 5.95 fee


----------



## BK23

I hate to say it, but if I were you, I'd get a new attorney or start spending more with on the one you have. You aren't going to end up with a good outcome for your daughter unless the court imposes one. Time to take the gloves off.


----------



## LongWalk

She conceals her residence from you but gets mad in the donut shop? Come on, this is madness.


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> She conceals her residence from you but gets mad in the donut shop? Come on, this is madness.


I hope monday changes things.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



BK23 said:


> I hate to say it, but if I were you, I'd get a new attorney or start spending more with on the one you have. You aren't going to end up with a good outcome for your daughter unless the court imposes one. Time to take the gloves off.


Less focus on the ex and more on the custody would be a great start.


----------



## ILoveMyWife!

ya, what 06 said


----------



## Mavash.

RG if you met her financial demands do you think she would have signed by now?

I think she would.

She wants you to pay her to leave you.

I'll ask my husband what he thinks tonight for fun.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> RG if you met her financial demands do you think she would have signed by now?
> 
> I think she would.
> 
> She wants you to pay her to leave you.
> 
> I'll ask my husband what he thinks tonight for fun.


I do not like disagreeing with Mav because I would most likely be wrong. 

To me it sounds like she's still waiting to feel completely secure in blaming all of this in you. 

The money is part of that as are the other things such as other women, "you didn't fight for me", "you're making this ugly", "you're a cheap show-stealing fan", etcetera, etcetera. 

She already believes but still needs to prove it. 

These people's thought processes are backwards. Most people observe then make a conclusion. These people make their conclusions then contort everything you do to fit the conclusion.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee I was shooting from the hip while out with my girls.

I'm still thinking....


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Ceegee I was shooting from the hip while out with my girls.
> 
> I'm still thinking....


You maverick.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I do not like disagreeing with Mav because I would most likely be wrong.
> 
> To me it sounds like she's still waiting to feel completely secure in blaming all of this in you.
> 
> The money is part of that as are the other things such as other women, "you didn't fight for me", "you're making this ugly", "you're a cheap show-stealing fan", etcetera, etcetera.
> 
> She already believes but still needs to prove it.
> 
> These people's thought processes are backwards. Most people observe then make a conclusion. These people make their conclusions then contort everything you do to fit the conclusion.


CeeGee,

He's a cheap BALDING, show-stealing FAN.. with evil sperm.

Do not forget it.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> I do not like disagreeing with Mav because I would most likely be wrong.
> 
> To me it sounds like she's still waiting to feel completely secure in blaming all of this in you.
> 
> The money is part of that as are the other things such as other women, "you didn't fight for me", "you're making this ugly", "you're a cheap show-stealing fan", etcetera, etcetera.
> 
> She already believes but still needs to prove it.
> 
> These people's thought processes are backwards. Most people observe then make a conclusion. These people make their conclusions then contort everything you do to fit the conclusion.


Okay Ceegee I discussed this with my husband (he too has good insights).

He 100% agrees with you.

He says she's waiting until yes she's completely secure in blaming RG.

Says she's not done with RG until this happens.

If she signs the papers it's over and she won't be able to sleep at night if she does this.

Deep down she knows this is her fault but she CANNOT be wrong.

My husband said my dad was just like this (I couldn't see that).

He could never let me go until he was convinced it was MY fault (this took years btw).

Now I agree with my husband (and you Ceegee) but I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this.

My husband says it's because I don't think like that. He totally sees it though and I believe him (and you).


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Okay Ceegee I discussed this with my husband (he too has good insights).
> 
> He 100% agrees with you.
> 
> He says she's waiting until yes she's completely secure in blaming RG.
> 
> Says she's not done with RG until this happens.
> 
> If she signs the papers it's over and she won't be able to sleep at night if she does this.
> 
> Deep down she knows this is her fault but she CANNOT be wrong.
> 
> My husband said my dad was just like this (I couldn't see that).
> 
> He could never let me go until he was convinced it was MY fault (this took years btw).
> 
> Now I agree with my husband (and you Ceegee) but I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this.
> 
> My husband says it's because I don't think like that. He totally sees it though and I believe him (and you).


I figured this out the hard way. Just as Threestrikes did and RG is now. 

It's f'ed up because there is nothing you can do to prevent it. And why RG has no choice but to get as far away from it as possible.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> It's f'ed up because there is nothing you can do to prevent it. And why RG has no choice but to get as far away from it as possible.


Agree my husband said RG's best bet would be to agree with her (that it's all his fault) however I know that won't work because she would know he didn't mean it.

So you're right there is nothing he can do to prevent it.

Still puzzles me why this is so hard for me to see. :scratchhead:


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Agree my husband said RG's best bet would be to agree with her (that it's all his fault) however I know that won't work because she would know he didn't mean it.
> 
> So you're right there is nothing he can do to prevent it.
> 
> Still puzzles me why this is so hard for me to see. :scratchhead:


It's extreme seated insecurity. Usually from a very early age. 

They are not good enough to be treated right so they believe everyone's motives to be negative. 

I would give some examples but I'm cooking chicken with smokin' hot mama mushroom sauce for the kids and I. 

Betting Threestrikes has plenty.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> It's extreme seated insecurity. Usually from a very early age.
> 
> They are not good enough to be treated right so they believe everyone's motives to be negative.
> 
> I would give some examples but I'm cooking chicken with smokin' hot mama mushroom sauce for the kids and I.
> 
> Betting Threestrikes has plenty.


Calling these "trust issues" is putting it mildly.

Yet, women are biologically wired for survival, so the whole "worst case scenario" thing (present in every single female I've ever met) exists on a continuum.

Mrs. ReG represents one pole on that continuum of brokenness.


----------



## Mavash.

What I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around is the part where SHE cheated, SHE left, SHE moved in with someone else, etc.

And yet won't divorce him???

It's like my dad he disowned me yet stalked me for 6 years when he realized I wasn't coming back.

With my dad it makes sense because it was about power and control. He used to have it over me and then he didn't. 

I'm guessing this is a similar dynamic at play


----------



## tom67

Mavash. said:


> What I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around is the part where SHE cheated, SHE left, SHE moved in with someone else, etc.
> 
> And yet won't divorce him???
> 
> It's like my dad he disowned me yet stalked me for 6 years when he realized I wasn't coming back.
> 
> With my dad it makes sense because it was about power and control. He used to have it over me and then he didn't.
> 
> I'm guessing this is a similar dynamic at play


I know psych evaluation especially after breakdown monday


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> What I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around is the part where SHE cheated, SHE left, SHE moved in with someone else, etc.
> 
> And yet won't divorce him???
> 
> It's like my dad he disowned me yet stalked me for 6 years when he realized I wasn't coming back.
> 
> With my dad it makes sense because it was about power and control. He used to have it over me and then he didn't.
> 
> I'm guessing this is a similar dynamic at play


I only follow a couple of threads. None as much as RG's. This is because of the similarities between Mrs RG and ex Mrs CG. 

The known affair is where the similarity ends. I suspect there was something going on but despite my efforts I found nothing obvious. 

So the following is just a hunch. 

She still has womanly needs. 

Her insecurities and false sense of reality cause her to keep her distance from RG. 

POSOM is safe. She doesn't depend on him for survival. 

It seems obvious to most of us that the relationship is not a solid one built on love, respect and trust. 

She is incapable of such things now.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Ceegee said:


> I figured this out the hard way. Just as Threestrikes did and RG is now.
> 
> It's f'ed up because there is nothing you can do to prevent it. And why RG has no choice but to get as far away from it as possible.


ReGroup's best bet is to let the courts do the talking, which requires him to stop focusing on her and what she may or may not be thinking. Instead, preemptive steps should start being put into place so when he does go to court, he shows his actions in whatever form he can. Be it a paper trail, e-mails, status quo situations and so forth.

What has ReGroup done to prove in court that he's a father who *wants* more time with his daughter. Turning the light onto his ex and going "look how crazy she can act" will not seal the deal, I've heard of a lot worse getting full custody.

My ex had no problem sitting around collecting my child support money (which I was not court ordered to do) while I paid all the daycare and she still cried victim in regards to money. Meanwhile, she was going out for 'trips to the lake' with OM and dropping lines on me such as "you can't get blood from a stone" and "I wish you would just do what you're suppose to do".

When I filed for divorce, it then turned into "you're the one who got the lawyers involved" whenever something that needed to be dealt with came up. She saw no issue with me paying for everything and now it was my "fault" for getting the lawyers involved. So be it.

Going into court, I had all my check numbers that I had given for both kids separate daycare's and child support. I had receipts for wardrobes I bought them for school, winter and various other things. I came ready to *prove* that I am a more than capable parent who *wants* my children 50 / 50 of the time because I love them. I never once went for more and even stated in court that I felt it important that the children see their mother just as much as they see me.

It doesn't matter what she thinks, how she can think it or what she will think next. The focus should be on what steps are needed to be taken to get the most time with D4 and not using MS Paint to craft the next "TAM Thread Hit".


----------



## tom67

06Daddio08 said:


> ReGroup's best bet is to let the courts do the talking, which requires him to stop focusing on her and what she may or may not be thinking. Instead, preemptive steps should start being put into place so when he does go to court, he shows his actions in whatever form he can. Be it a paper trail, e-mails, status quo situations and so forth.
> 
> What has ReGroup done to prove in court that he's a father who *wants* more time with his daughter. Turning the light onto his ex and going "look how crazy she can act" will not seal the deal, I've heard of a lot worse getting full custody.
> 
> My ex had no problem sitting around collecting my child support money (which I was not court ordered to do) while I paid all the daycare and she still cried victim in regards to money. Meanwhile, she was going out for 'trips to the lake' with OM and dropping lines on me such as "you can't get blood from a stone" and "I wish you would just do what you're suppose to do".
> 
> When I filed for divorce, it then turned into "you're the one who got the lawyers involved" whenever something that needed to be dealt with came up. She saw no issue with me paying for everything and now it was my "fault" for getting the lawyers involved. So be it.
> 
> Going into court, I had all my check numbers that I had given for both kids separate daycare's and child support. I had receipts for wardrobes I bought them for school, winter and various other things. I came ready to *prove* that I am a more than capable parent who *wants* my children 50 / 50 of the time because I love them. I never once went for more and even stated in court that I felt it important that the children see their mother just as much as they see me.
> 
> It doesn't matter what she thinks, how she can think it or what she will think next. The focus should be on what steps are needed to be taken to get the most time with D4 and not using MS Paint to craft the next "TAM Thread Hit".


RG has been documenting and I hope he calls in the school administrator who told him she did not inform she took d4 out of that schooland his lawyer spindles a hearing for custody asap. Mrs. RG will show her true colors.


----------



## 06Daddio08

tom67 said:


> RG has been documenting and I hope he calls in the school administrator who told him she did not inform she took d4 out of that schooland his lawyer spindles a hearing for custody asap. Mrs. RG will show her true colors.


Don't know about where he lives, but here it only takes one parents approval to move a child. The school is not required to check with both parents to have it done. My ex called me early in the morning after finding out I had mailed in a hand written letter to the government in regards to the child tax money. They had given me half of it, when she continuously refused to split it like it should be.

In that phone call, she threatened to move the kids to the school in her town (which means I would not get 50/50 unless I moved to that town as well). This clearly had nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with wanting the money all to herself.

After we got off the phone, I called not only my daughters school but the school in her town as well. I informed them that if they approved of any transfer for my daughter (gave them her name) I would be filing legal action against them.

I didn't even have a lawyer. I was balls scared but it didn't matter what she 'thought' or 'thinks', there was no way in hell my children were transferring schools without my consent.

My ex was just as absurd at times, completely entitled and delusional beyond belief but as a father I refused to sit idle and watch my children be taken from me. Everyone is trying to figure out what this woman is doing and why, I'm trying to figure out how she continuously gets way with it and been doing so for so long.


----------



## tom67

06Daddio08 said:


> Don't know about where he lives, but here it only takes one parents approval to move a child. The school is not required to check with both parents to have it done. My ex called me early in the morning after finding out I had mailed in a hand written letter to the government in regards to the child tax money. They had given me half of it, when she continuously refused to split it like it should be.
> 
> In that phone call, she threatened to move the kids to the school in her town (which means I would not get 50/50 unless I moved to that town as well). This clearly had nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with wanting the money all to herself.
> 
> After we got off the phone, I called not only my daughters school but the school in her town as well. I informed them that if they approved of any transfer for my daughter (gave them her name) I would be filing legal action against them.
> 
> I didn't even have a lawyer. I was balls scared but it didn't matter what she 'thought' or 'thinks', there was no way in hell my children were transferring schools without my consent.
> 
> My ex was just as absurd at times, completely entitled and delusional beyond belief but as a father I refused to sit idle and watch my children be taken from me. Everyone is trying to figure out what this woman is doing and why, I'm trying to figure out how she continuously gets way with it and been doing so for so long.


I hear you it's finally coming to the beginning of the end when she is served monday. Progress not perfection it sux I'm glad my ex was so fogged up we didn't go through this.


----------



## 06Daddio08

tom67 said:


> I hear you it's finally coming to the beginning of the end when she is served monday. Progress not perfection it sux I'm glad my ex was so fogged up we didn't go through this.


Serving her is the beginning of a whole new beast, hopefully he has an umbrella with a big ol' serious face on it for when she makes it rain everything under the Sun on him.

Because she will.


----------



## Ceegee

06Daddio08 said:


> ReGroup's best bet is to let the courts do the talking, which requires him to stop focusing on her and what she may or may not be thinking. Instead, preemptive steps should start being put into place so when he does go to court, he shows his actions in whatever form he can. Be it a paper trail, e-mails, status quo situations and so forth.
> 
> What has ReGroup done to prove in court that he's a father who *wants* more time with his daughter. Turning the light onto his ex and going "look how crazy she can act" will not seal the deal, I've heard of a lot worse getting full custody.
> 
> My ex had no problem sitting around collecting my child support money (which I was not court ordered to do) while I paid all the daycare and she still cried victim in regards to money. Meanwhile, she was going out for 'trips to the lake' with OM and dropping lines on me such as "you can't get blood from a stone" and "I wish you would just do what you're suppose to do".
> 
> When I filed for divorce, it then turned into "you're the one who got the lawyers involved" whenever something that needed to be dealt with came up. She saw no issue with me paying for everything and now it was my "fault" for getting the lawyers involved. So be it.
> 
> Going into court, I had all my check numbers that I had given for both kids separate daycare's and child support. I had receipts for wardrobes I bought them for school, winter and various other things. I came ready to *prove* that I am a more than capable parent who *wants* my children 50 / 50 of the time because I love them. I never once went for more and even stated in court that I felt it important that the children see their mother just as much as they see me.
> 
> It doesn't matter what she thinks, how she can think it or what she will think next. The focus should be on what steps are needed to be taken to get the most time with D4 and not using MS Paint to craft the next "TAM Thread Hit".


Technically you're right Daddio. I agree with you. You know I respect you and your advice. 

However, being a spouse of a disordered person causes one to question their own sanity. 

People don't just come to TAM to figure out the best strategy for keeping their kids. Although this should be RG's primary objective, he needs support in other areas too. 

I'll concede that sometimes it may sound like we're trying to pull Mrs RG's strings for our amusement. I think I even once said "make her dance, RG". This is therapeutic. It shows RG that we understand and know he's not the crazy one. 

In between the jabs, RG has been given sound advice about his relationship with Mrs RG. Will it help with his current situation? I don't know, I think so. But I do know it may help to avoid the same situation in the future.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Ceegee said:


> Technically you're right Daddio. I agree with you. You know I respect you and your advice.
> 
> However, being a spouse of a disordered person causes one to question their own sanity.
> 
> People don't just come to TAM to figure out the best strategy for keeping their kids. Although this should be RG's primary objective, he needs support in other areas too.
> 
> I'll concede that sometimes it may sound like we're trying to pull Mrs RG's strings for our amusement. I think I even once said "make her dance, RG". This is therapeutic. It shows RG that we understand and know he's not the crazy one.
> 
> In between the jabs, RG has been given sound advice about his relationship with Mrs RG. Will it help with his current situation? I don't know, I think so. But I do know it may help to avoid the same situation in the future.


To each their own Ceegee, but if she's really got him questioning his sanity then he has a lot more problems than he leads on. I now that is not the case though, he has come a long way. Everyone is more than welcome to continue throwing in bowling pins to see how many one can juggle, my focus is on trying to get him as much time as he can with his daughter.

Through recent events, I have found out and pieced together pretty much all the missing parts in the last year and a half. Hindsight is a b!tch, but the fact of the matter is it didn't matter what she said or what she was doing when it came down to getting things done. It doesn't matter.

I, like many here have dealt with my own share of crazy when it comes to the ex. Things that shined bright and far into space, they named it a planet, but it sure wasn't a planet. Just large concentrations of smoke being blown.

Monday's bomb should be followed by complete and utter darkness on his part. Let her kick, let her scream and let the courts deal with the rest.


----------



## tom67

Monday's bomb should be followed by complete and utter darkness on his part. Let her kick, let her scream and let the courts deal with the rest. We all agree with this could he should have acted earlier, yes but what counts is he is now taking the bull by the horns he needs support because it's going to be crazytown come monday and yes go dark and focus on getting at least 50/50 custody.


----------



## tom67

06Daddio08 said:


> Serving her is the beginning of a whole new beast, hopefully he has an umbrella with a big ol' serious face on it for when she makes it rain everything under the Sun on him.
> 
> Because she will.


I hope he carries a VAR with him during child swaps!


----------



## 06Daddio08

tom67 said:


> I hope he carries a VAR with him during child swaps!


He should let her know (while the VAR is on) that he will be recording all conversations between the two of them when not in the presence of lawyers or an unbiased 3rd party. By continuing to talk after letting her know, he will take it as consent to being recorded and will submit any harassment, threats or the likes to the courts.

If she does not want to be recorded, she can communicate via e-mail. Which can also be and will be used in the court of law if found to be harassing, threatening or demeaning.


----------



## Ceegee

06Daddio08 said:


> Monday's bomb should be followed by complete and utter darkness on his part. Let her kick, let her scream and let the courts deal with the rest.


I agree wholeheartedly.


----------



## Nucking Futs

06Daddio08 said:


> He should let her know (while the VAR is on) that he will be recording all conversations between the two of them when not in the presence of lawyers or an unbiased 3rd party. By continuing to talk after letting her know, he will take it as consent to being recorded and will submit any harassment, threats or the likes to the courts.
> 
> If she does not want to be recorded, she can communicate via e-mail. Which can also be and will be used in the court of law if found to be harassing, threatening or demeaning.


This is not necessary. New York is a one party consent state, so he can use it in court whether she knew she was being recorded or not.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Nucking Futs said:


> This is not necessary. New York is a one party consent state, so he can use it in court whether she knew she was being recorded or not.


Hmmm, well letting her know should keep her drama down. If not, he submits it.


----------



## smallsteps

06Daddio08 said:


> Hmmm, well letting her know should keep her drama down. If not, he submits it.


I disagree. He doesn't need to let her know. Then the whole conversation will focus on her being recorded. He's better off recording her natural reaction to being served, which given her history, will be more than enough.
Since the law allows it, don't let her know.


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> I disagree. He doesn't need to let her know. Then the whole conversation will focus on her being recorded. He's better off recording her natural reaction to being served, which given her history, will be more than enough.
> Since the law allows it, don't let her know.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:


Thanks


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> Thanks


It's just common sense he has to show the "real" her that's all.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> It's just common sense he has to show the "real" her that's all.


That's exactly right. That's going to be over the top enough.


----------



## vi_bride04

I think if RG tells her she is being recorded she will totally lose her sheet and go after him physically...


----------



## tom67

vi_bride04 said:


> I think if RG tells her she is being recorded she will totally lose her sheet and go after him physically...


Have someone there with a smartphone and make a video. This is war plain and simple. HM 64 is close to you talk to him and go from there, you have friends be strong.


----------



## Conrad

This is hardball time.

I cannot believe anyone gives a rip about what she wants and/or trying to play nice.

That time is long gone.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> This is hardball time.
> 
> I cannot believe anyone gives a rip about what she wants and/or trying to play nice.
> 
> That time is long gone.


Yes it's war prepare accordingly. VAR with RG 2 friends recording with smartphones bring in the woman from the old school and any other witnesses that can help your cause.


----------



## LongWalk

Wait till the judge reads quotes from Mrs RG's emails. She is not going to get custody. RG should be the custodial parent with decision making power, schools, medical treatment, etc. Mrs RG is not up to it. I think the judge will see that.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Wait till the judge reads quotes from Mrs RG's emails. She is not going to get custody. RG should be the custodial parent with decision making power, schools, medical treatment, etc. Mrs RG is not up to it. I think the judge will see that.


This is New York we're talking about.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

tom67 said:


> Monday's bomb should be followed by complete and utter darkness on his part. Let her kick, let her scream and let the courts deal with the rest. We all agree with this could he should have acted earlier, yes but what counts is he is now taking the bull by the horns he needs support because it's going to be crazytown come monday and yes go dark and focus on getting at least 50/50 custody.


I'm just hoping there will be a 'bomb' on Monday.

A significant part of me believes it won't happen. There will be some drama this weekend.


----------



## Pbartender

06Daddio08 said:


> To each their own Ceegee, but if she's really got him questioning his sanity then he has a lot more problems than he leads on. I now that is not the case though, he has come a long way. Everyone is more than welcome to continue throwing in bowling pins to see how many one can juggle, my focus is on trying to get him as much time as he can with his daughter.
> 
> Through recent events, I have found out and pieced together pretty much all the missing parts in the last year and a half. Hindsight is a b!tch, but the fact of the matter is it didn't matter what she said or what she was doing when it came down to getting things done. It doesn't matter.
> 
> I, like many here have dealt with my own share of crazy when it comes to the ex. Things that shined bright and far into space, they named it a planet, but it sure wasn't a planet. Just large concentrations of smoke being blown.
> 
> Monday's bomb should be followed by complete and utter darkness on his part. Let her kick, let her scream and let the courts deal with the rest.


:iagree: Except...

So long as he can NOT let the kicking and screaming get to him, I have found that records of such kicking and screaming can provide good evidence that she's unwilling and incapable of effective co-parenting.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Pbartender said:


> :iagree: Except...
> 
> So long as he can NOT let the kicking and screaming get to him, I have found that records of such kicking and screaming can provide good evidence that she's unwilling and incapable of effective co-parenting.


Low contact co parenting is possible if the interactions between them are high conflict. Many places actually have registered "drop off" locations that provide a place to bring children during swap times.

Parent A drops the kids off at 5 and leaves, Parent B arrives at 530 to pick the kids up.

It's more important to show your capabilities than it is to shine a light on the others instabilities and inability. They will brighten that lamp all on their own. Prove that you are consistently prepared, in control and ready so when the other fails to meet the courts "get yourself better or else" requirements it's a no brainer.


----------



## ReGroup

Just got caught up to the 15 hours of conversation.

I must say, I am extremely appreciative of all the support.

I am still amazed of all the insight you guys and gals have.


----------



## Pam

I'm here, cheering you on silently because I don't have any words of experienced wisdom for you. I'll also be here with you on Monday.


----------



## tom67

Hopefully monday goes as fast as this Family Guy - Mets Fan Joke - YouTube


----------



## Pbartender

06Daddio08 said:


> It's more important to show your capabilities than it is to shine a light on the others instabilities and inability. They will brighten that lamp all on their own.


No, they won't. And that's where so many fathers go wrong and get screwed over when it comes to custody.

The more likely scenario is that when it comes time to stand in front of the judge, Mrs. RG will do the same things she does to RG... She will lie and blame-shift and re-write history to make herself look like the victim and make RG look like the bad guy. She will say and do whatever it takes to get the judge to give her more money and more time with kids, just to punish RG.

Unless RG has hard evidence proving that she's full of ****, then it simply becomes a he-said/she-said scenario... and you can't guarantee that the judge won't believe her.

When the question of my child support came in front of the judge and when the WWotMW gave her story in support of full statutory support, all my lawyer had to say was, "I have bank records for the last three years, paystubs for the last year, a journal of parenting time and responsibilities for the last four months, and text message and email transcripts" that showed that she and I functionally made the same amount of income, that I was responsible for the majority of the kids' expenses and household expenses, that I provided at least as much parenting time as she did. X had nothing by way of proof except a Financial Affidavit that she lied on. Just saying that we had those was enough to get the judge to decide in my favor... she didn't even ask to look at the records.

Besides, it's far better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Pbartender said:


> No, they won't. And that's where so many fathers go wrong and get screwed over when it comes to custody.
> 
> The more likely scenario is that when it comes time to stand in front of the judge, Mrs. RG will do the same things she does to RG... She will lie and blame-shift and re-write history to make herself look like the victim and make RG look like the bad guy. She will say and do whatever it takes to get the judge to give her more money and more time with kids, just to punish RG.
> 
> Unless RG has hard evidence proving that she's full of ****, then it simply becomes a he-said/she-said scenario... and you can't guarantee that the judge won't believe her.
> 
> When the question of my child support came in front of the judge and when the WWotMW gave her story in support of full statutory support, all my lawyer had to say was, "I have bank records for the last three years, paystubs for the last year, a journal of parenting time and responsibilities for the last four months, and text message and email transcripts" that showed that she and I functionally made the same amount of income, that I was responsible for the majority of the kids' expenses and household expenses, that I provided at least as much parenting time as she did. X had nothing by way of proof except a Financial Affidavit that she lied on. Just saying that we had those was enough to get the judge to decide in my favor... she didn't even ask to look at the records.
> 
> Besides, it's far better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.


Exactly. You had the focus on you and the kids, who cares what the ex thinks or why she thinks it. When retroactive pay for child support was brought up in court, my lawyer laughed to herself.


----------



## Conrad

Pbartender said:


> No, they won't. And that's where so many fathers go wrong and get screwed over when it comes to custody.
> 
> The more likely scenario is that when it comes time to stand in front of the judge, Mrs. RG will do the same things she does to RG... She will lie and blame-shift and re-write history to make herself look like the victim and make RG look like the bad guy. She will say and do whatever it takes to get the judge to give her more money and more time with kids, just to punish RG.
> 
> Unless RG has hard evidence proving that she's full of ****, then it simply becomes a he-said/she-said scenario... and you can't guarantee that the judge won't believe her.
> 
> When the question of my child support came in front of the judge and when the WWotMW gave her story in support of full statutory support, all my lawyer had to say was, "I have bank records for the last three years, paystubs for the last year, a journal of parenting time and responsibilities for the last four months, and text message and email transcripts" that showed that she and I functionally made the same amount of income, that I was responsible for the majority of the kids' expenses and household expenses, that I provided at least as much parenting time as she did. X had nothing by way of proof except a Financial Affidavit that she lied on. Just saying that we had those was enough to get the judge to decide in my favor... she didn't even ask to look at the records.
> 
> Besides, it's far better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.


Absolutely.

Don't fall for any of this happy horseshet

Nail this down.


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> Absolutely.
> 
> Don't fall for any of this happy horseshet
> 
> Nail this down.


As the old saying goes, "If your boat is sinking, pray to God... but for Heaven's sake, row for shore."


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> I'm just hoping there will be a 'bomb' on Monday.
> 
> A significant part of me believes it won't happen. There will be some drama this weekend.












Let's play 2!


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Let's play 2!


Ok Ernie Banks


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Just got caught up to the 15 hours of conversation.
> 
> I must say, I am extremely appreciative of all the support.
> 
> I am still amazed of all the insight you guys and gals have.


How you doing RG?

How's D4?


----------



## happyman64

Pbartender said:


> It's a way of convincing themselves that they don't have a problem... "If I can be a counselor or psychologist, then I can't have any emotional or psychological problems." or "If I can be a counselor or psychologist, I can recognize my own problems and deal with them myself."


If you really want to know the truth it is far easier for a troubled person to look at everyone else's [roblem instead of their own.

RG's STBXW has made this into a profession.....

God help her clients.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> The smoking crater in NYC will likely be on the nightly news.
> 
> She's going to Chernobyl.


I think I will work from home that day. I do not want to get radiation poisoning from the fallout!


----------



## Ceegee

happyman64 said:


> I think I will work from home that day. I do not want to get radiation poisoning from the fallout!


I think it will be quiet that day. 

In case anyone's taking bets.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> I think it will be quiet that day.
> 
> In case anyone's taking bets.


You think she's going to be quiet if she gets served at work on September 9th?

I think she'll throw the ReGroup Tracker into the East River.


----------



## happyman64

Ceegee said:


> I think it will be quiet that day.
> 
> In case anyone's taking bets.


If RG gives no advance warning then $5 that she lights up his phone with nasty texts and calls.....


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> If RG gives no advance warning then $5 that she lights up his phone with nasty texts and calls.....


Sh!t I'll bet my paycheck


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> You think she's going to be quiet if she gets served at work on September 9th?
> 
> I think she'll throw the ReGroup Tracker into the East River.


Quiet.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Quiet.


You have experience with this?

Do tell.

Every single cheap, balding, show-stealing FAN with evil sperm on this website wants to know.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

I think that she will break down in tears, and put on quite the 'victim' show for her co-workers.


----------



## smallsteps

ThreeStrikes said:


> I think that she will break down in tears, and put on quite the 'victim' show for her co-workers.


Yes, the "poor me, look what he did to me" will suit her well in front of her coworkers.

Once she's out of sight of them though, watch out..........


----------



## 06Daddio08

Ceegee said:


> Quiet.


Agreed, quiet on RGs side of things. He can sit back and not say a single word to her, who cares what she says or does. None of the threats, accusations or victim speak is his concern nor his problems anymore.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> You have experience with this?
> 
> Do tell.
> 
> Every single cheap, balding, show-stealing FAN with evil sperm on this website wants to know.


What? 

Experience with a crazy wife?

Naaahhhh. 

My experience tells me...I have no idea what she'll do.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> Quiet.


I'm going with quiet too. She will put those papers in her drawer and act like it never happened.

Experience: it's what my friends disordered husband did when he did not want a divorce. It would take a year and 3+ visits to court to get divorced after she had him served.


----------



## Conrad

Mav,

If served at home, I agree with quiet.

The public humiliation aspect of this has me thinking Chernobyl.


----------



## ReGroup

Update:

Mrs. RG is only working day one day next week. Don't know which one. She's probably Upstate, reason why I don't have D4 this weekend.
Her Co worker who lives in my building, told me of this last night.

I'm going to file next Friday - my birthday and have her served the following Monday - the 15th at school when I know definitely she will be there.

Chernobyl Chip?

If there is something I know it's that she hates negative attention. Whether it be amongst strangers, friends or relatives. 
We could be having a simple disagreement on the subway and she would be observing others because she would fear being seen in a negative light.

She has a rocky relationship with many of her co workers. 

3x references splitting. When this goes down ... I will be seen as "BlackHole" Black. 

Mavi, I think this will finally get things going fwd. At this point I am doing something too humiliating, bold and disrespectful...

No way she doesn't get motivated to disassociate herself from me legally.

Btw, when to a party last night and had an incredible night... Truly amazing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Update:
> 
> Mrs. RG is only working day one day next week. Don't know which one. She's probably Upstate, reason why I don't have D4 this weekend.
> Her Co worker who lives in my building, told me of this last night.
> 
> I'm going to file next Friday - my birthday and have her served the following Monday - the 15th at school when I know definitely she will be there.
> 
> Chernobyl Chip?
> 
> If there is something I know it's that she hates negative attention. Whether it be amongst strangers, friends or relatives.
> We could be having a simple disagreement on the subway and she would be observing others because she would fear being seen in a negative light.
> 
> She has a rocky relationship with many of her co workers.
> 
> 3x references splitting. When this goes down ... I will be seen as "BlackHole" Black.
> 
> Mavi, I think this will finally get things going fwd. At this point I am doing something too humiliating, bold and disrespectful...
> 
> No way she doesn't get motivated to disassociate herself from me legally.
> 
> Btw, when to a party last night and had an incredible night... Truly amazing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't give the co-worker any inkling of your plans.

My ex is the same. Her public persona is very important to her, so anything humiliating will cause her extreme duress. You will be on the receiving end of much verbal/text abuse. But she will play the wounded damsel in distress to everyone else.

Your party was just a small taste of things to come


----------



## 06Daddio08

Gives you a week to practice NC on anything other than D4. Excellent. What are you doing for you this week coming up?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Update:
> 
> Mrs. RG is only working day one day next week. Don't know which one. She's probably Upstate, reason why I don't have D4 this weekend.
> Her Co worker who lives in my building, told me of this last night.
> 
> I'm going to file next Friday - my birthday and have her served the following Monday - the 15th at school when I know definitely she will be there.
> 
> Chernobyl Chip?
> 
> If there is something I know it's that she hates negative attention. Whether it be amongst strangers, friends or relatives.
> We could be having a simple disagreement on the subway and she would be observing others because she would fear being seen in a negative light.
> 
> She has a rocky relationship with many of her co workers.
> 
> 3x references splitting. When this goes down ... I will be seen as "BlackHole" Black.
> 
> Mavi, I think this will finally get things going fwd. At this point I am doing something too humiliating, bold and disrespectful...
> 
> No way she doesn't get motivated to disassociate herself from me legally.
> 
> Btw, when to a party last night and had an incredible night... Truly amazing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some of those Babes from Babylon I reckon.


----------



## Mavash.

RG I pray you are right.

I taught my friend to dismantle her husbands public persona but he wouldn't crack.

He'd retreat to his room and hide but he refused to sign.

Completely delusional.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> RG I pray you are right.
> 
> I taught my friend to dismantle her husbands public persona but he wouldn't crack.
> 
> He'd retreat to his room and hide but he refused to sign.
> 
> Completely delusional.


She'll sign. She needs the money.

Plus, she'll see it as regaining some control.


----------



## Mavash.

The money does change things.


----------



## happyman64

I bet she goes home and bangs the crap out of that drumset...


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Update:
> 
> Mrs. RG is only working day one day next week. Don't know which one. She's probably Upstate, reason why I don't have D4 this weekend.
> Her Co worker who lives in my building, told me of this last night.
> 
> I'm going to file next Friday - my birthday and have her served the following Monday - the 15th at school when I know definitely she will be there.
> 
> Chernobyl Chip?
> 
> If there is something I know it's that she hates negative attention. Whether it be amongst strangers, friends or relatives.
> We could be having a simple disagreement on the subway and she would be observing others because she would fear being seen in a negative light.
> 
> She has a rocky relationship with many of her co workers.
> 
> 3x references splitting. When this goes down ... I will be seen as "BlackHole" Black.
> 
> Mavi, I think this will finally get things going fwd. At this point I am doing something too humiliating, bold and disrespectful...
> 
> No way she doesn't get motivated to disassociate herself from me legally.
> 
> Btw, when to a party last night and had an incredible night... Truly amazing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The 15th is Sunday -that's my birthday lol. 

That's a great gift to give yourself this year, FREEDOM!! Happy early birthday RG.


----------



## happyman64

smallsteps said:


> The 15th is Sunday -that's my birthday lol.
> 
> That's a great gift to give yourself this year, FREEDOM!! Happy early birthday RG.


Congratulations all you Virgins,,, I mean Virgo's.

My bday is on the 21st.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs069dndIYk


----------



## smallsteps

happyman64 said:


> Congratulations all your Virgins,,, I mean Virgo's.
> 
> My bday is on the 21st.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs069dndIYk


Lol, we're a great bunch. 

Did you ever notice how many people are born in September? It's not a coincidence you know.


----------



## happyman64

smallsteps said:


> Lol, we're a great bunch.
> 
> Did you ever notice how many people are born in September? It's not a coincidence you know.


I have never noticed but my twin sister certainly did.


----------



## smallsteps

happyman64 said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs069dndIYk


Aaahh another 70's classic lol


----------



## smallsteps

happyman64 said:


> I have never noticed but my twin sister certainly did.


Our parents definitely enjoyed the holiday season. Lol, I shouldn't have gone there


----------



## happyman64

smallsteps said:


> Our parents definitely enjoyed the holiday season. Lol, I shouldn't have gone there


Yes they did.


----------



## Pbartender

smallsteps said:


> Did you ever notice how many people are born in September? It's not a coincidence you know.


No kidding... There's at least half a billion people world-wide with birthdays in September. That's at least 1/12th the world's population!


----------



## happyman64

Pbartender said:


> No kidding... There's at least half a billion people world-wide with birthdays in September. That's at least 1/12th the world's population!


Who says Christianity is on the decline? Ha. 1/12 of the world is celebrating......


----------



## smallsteps

Pbartender said:


> No kidding... There's at least half a billion people world-wide with birthdays in September. That's at least 1/12th the world's population!


Wow, when you put it that way.....Lol.


----------



## smallsteps

happyman64 said:


> Who says Christianity is on the decline? Ha. 1/12 of the world is celebrating......


I think New Year's Eve is more the catalyst. At least that's what I was told. Lol - NYE 67-68 was a good one for my parents.


----------



## Pbartender

smallsteps said:


> I think New Year's Eve is more the catalyst. At least that's what I was told. Lol - NYE 67-68 was a good one for my parents


Every month will have roughly 1/12th of the world's birthdays... There's twelve months, after all.

In the US, the summer months do tend to have more births than the rest of the year... I think you'll find it has more to do with the weather in the winter months being cold and boring. And worldwide, it starts to even out.


----------



## smallsteps

My first was a June baby. From my calculations I got pregnant around my birthday lol.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Update:
> 
> I'm going to file next Friday - my birthday and have her served the following Monday - the 15th at school when I know definitely she will be there.


RG, my county has a website for filings with the county courthouse. 

I monitored it frequently once I knew of my wife's intentions to file. I knew she had done so days before I was served. As a matter of fact, I had my attorney call her attorney to have the document faxed directly to them saving me some embarrassment. 

I don't know if Mrs RG is that savvy, or if they even do that in NY, but if she is it could spoil the surprise.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> RG, my county has a website for filings with the county courthouse.
> 
> I monitored it frequently once I knew of my wife's intentions to file. I knew she had done so days before I was served. As a matter of fact, I had my attorney call her attorney to have the document faxed directly to them saving me some embarrassment.
> 
> I don't know if Mrs RG is that savvy, or if they even do that in NY, but if she is it could spoil the surprise.


This woman had the signed settlement papers since late July and didn't file.

She hasn't done any Intel as far as I know. She claimed to mail it to my guy, not knowing she could take it from there. I'm guessing she doesn't have a clue on how to track it - I am filing on Friday and having her served that very Monday. As Chip would testify... The NY Court Systems aren't the most efficient around so I doubt that that they would be up to date in a matter of a few business hours.

She's living in her fantasy, I don't really think this is on her radar no matter how much she's huffing and puffing.

Like Daddio mentioned, I am going to go stealth from here on out. No more responses to inquiries etc...

Only you guys know...

Storm is A' Brewing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

My mother was in a car accident few months ago. No summons' issued, no ambulances, he walked away but the guy is suing her for severe bodily injury.

She got home Friday afternoon to find a summons stuffed in her door from NY Superior Court. It said it was supposed to be delivered July 22nd and she had 30 days to respond. Only in NY... smh


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> My mother was in a car accident few months ago. No summons' issued, no ambulances, he walked away but the guy is suing her for severe bodily injury.
> 
> She got home Friday afternoon to find a summons stuffed in her door from NY Superior Court. It said it was supposed to be delivered July 22nd and she had 30 days to respond. Only in NY... smh


She can contest that she was not properly served. sounds like she wasn't. Tell her to get a lawyer asap.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> She can contest that she was not properly served. sounds like she wasn't. Tell her to get a lawyer asap.


I'm pretty sure you're right. I told her to do that. She found the summons Friday after 5. Not much she could do. Tomorrow should be interesting.


----------



## Mavash.

smallsteps said:


> My mother was in a car accident few months ago. No summons' issued, no ambulances, he walked away but the guy is suing her for severe bodily injury.
> 
> She got home Friday afternoon to find a summons stuffed in her door from NY Superior Court. It said it was supposed to be delivered July 22nd and she had 30 days to respond. Only in NY... smh


Aren't summons supposed to be delivered personally?

Regardless I'm not afraid of lawsuits anymore.

My husband, a cop, gets sued every few months.

I'm so over it. LOL

People can sue anybody for anything but doesn't mean they automatically get some cash.

Here (and I'm not joking) after minor car wrecks the crazy people will literally lie on the street and claim to be injured.

There is one guy who has walked out in front of a car several times trying to get money.

It's laughable.


----------



## tom67

Mavash. said:


> Aren't summons supposed to be delivered personally?
> 
> Regardless I'm not afraid of lawsuits anymore.
> 
> My husband, a cop, gets sued every few months.
> 
> I'm so over it. LOL


Some can be delivered by mail but certified mail. I wouldn't worry too much about this one.


----------



## smallsteps

Mavash. said:


> Aren't summons supposed to be delivered personally?
> 
> Regardless I'm not afraid of lawsuits anymore.
> 
> My husband, a cop, gets sued every few months.
> 
> I'm so over it. LOL


Oh God that must be bad. Good you can laugh about it.

They are supposed to be hand delivered, that's what made it so strange.


----------



## Mavash.

tom67 said:


> Some can be delivered by mail but certified mail. I wouldn't worry too much about this one.


I've been served a few times in my life (stupid stuff) and they were all hand delivered.


----------



## tom67

Mavash. said:


> I've been served a few times in my life (stupid stuff) and they were all hand delivered.


Small $ cases they let one do certified mail bigger $ cases has to be personally served via sheriff's deputy and/or special process server. Every county is different so it's wise to double check.


----------



## Mavash.

tom67 said:


> Small $ cases they let one do certified mail bigger $ cases has to be personally served via sheriff's deputy and/or special process server. Every county is different so it's wise to double check.


I live in a smaller city so they are all hand delivered.

Good side job and it pays well. 

We know cops who do it part time.


----------



## ReGroup

Guess who's asking about the papers?

Ignore!


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Guess who's asking about the papers?
> 
> Ignore!


Good choice. Don't let her engage you.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Guess who's asking about the papers?
> 
> Ignore!


She never mentioned them when you were giving her $.

No $ has lit a fire under her a$$ to get this done.

Perfect.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

From a negotiating standpoint, you have the upper hand. She wants what you got.


----------



## tom67

ThreeStrikes said:


> From a negotiating standpoint, you have the upper hand. She wants what you got.


:iagree:


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Guess who's asking about the papers?
> 
> Ignore!


Oh what's your new address so I can mail them to you. She can stew for a week until she gets the "surprise" at work.


----------



## GutPunch

tom67 said:


> Oh what's your new address so I can mail them to you. She can stew for a week until she gets the "surprise" at work.


HA! HA! Love this one.


----------



## tom67

Conrad must be still celebrating those cardinals victories over the buckos this weekend. doesn't make him a bad guy


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: 

1) have you taken yourself off of my insurance yet? I believe it is open enrollment now to switch.
*So she threatened that she was taking me off in July and I still have insurance. Good to know.

2) what is going on with filing and the divorce papers? I thought this was going to be done quickly.
*Funny

3) Are you seeing D4 this weekend?
*Mavi right yet again. The more I bring it up, the more she refuses to use it.

4) It would be beneficial for D4 for you to put money into her account so that she may have school supplies and shoes, clothes....
*I was thinking about doing my own shopping with D4. Take matters into my own hands and do a school shop.


----------



## ReGroup

Ok, Mavi... I see where you are coming from.

No letting up?


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG:
> 
> 1) have you taken yourself off of my insurance yet? I believe it is open enrollment now to switch.
> *So she threatened that she was taking me off in July and I still have insurance. Good to know.
> 
> 2) what is going on with filing and the divorce papers? I thought this was going to be done quickly.
> *Funny
> 
> 3) Are you seeing D4 this weekend?
> *Mavi right yet again. The more I bring it up, the more she refuses to use it.
> 
> 4) It would be beneficial for D4 for you to put money into her account so that she may have school supplies and shoes, clothes....
> *I was thinking about doing my own shopping with D4. Take matters into my own hands and do a school shop.


Do your own shopping. As much as I hate to give him credit, stbxh took s15 back to school clothes shopping on his own. I did accessories and school supplies.

It worked out alright.

What's the deal with insurance over there RG? I know here in Jersey once the divorce is done the ex spouse can no longer be covered under the insured ex spouse's policy.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Ok, Mavi... I see where you are coming from.
> 
> No letting up?


I'm on the fence so I deleted my post.

I hoped you hadn't read it yet. LOL


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG:
> 
> 1) have you taken yourself off of my insurance yet? I believe it is open enrollment now to switch.
> *So she threatened that she was taking me off in July and I still have insurance. Good to know.
> 
> 2) what is going on with filing and the divorce papers? I thought this was going to be done quickly.
> *Funny
> 
> 3) Are you seeing D4 this weekend?
> *Mavi right yet again. The more I bring it up, the more she refuses to use it.
> 
> 4) It would be beneficial for D4 for you to put money into her account so that she may have school supplies and shoes, clothes....
> *I was thinking about doing my own shopping with D4. Take matters into my own hands and do a school shop.


"Yes, I am seeing my daughter this weekend."


----------



## ReGroup

bigsteps, 

Back in June she told me she was taking me off. So I assumed I was off. One of her many threats I guess.

I have to wait for Open Season.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> bigsteps,
> 
> Back in June she told me she was taking me off. So I assumed I was off. One of her many threats I guess.
> 
> I have to wait for Open Season.


Certainly sounds like it. ;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> bigsteps,
> 
> Back in June she told me she was taking me off. So I assumed I was off. One of her many threats I guess.
> 
> I have to wait for Open Season.


Hey what's with my name change? Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Hey what's with my name change? Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your progress!

So, I had a conversation with Team RG.

The settlement papers are no longer valid because NOW I must become the Plaintiff.

I have to carry the entire load. SMH. I can redraft the settlement papers myself – save myself money… but the extra expense and other BS… F**K.

I am meeting up with him on Friday and he’s going to tally up the $$$.

Now I want to respond to that wretched woman.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Your progress!
> 
> So, I had a conversation with Team RG.
> 
> The settlement papers are no longer valid because NOW I must become the Plaintiff.
> 
> I have to carry the entire load. SMH. I can redraft the settlement papers myself – save myself money… but the extra expense and other BS… F**K.
> 
> I am meeting up with him on Friday and he’s going to tally up the $$$.
> 
> Now I want to respond to that wretched woman.


Let legal documents do the talking.

All of her questions are just attempts to gain info. She hates being in the dark.

It's best to be the plaintiff, BTW. That way, *you* are divorcing* her*.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Your progress!
> 
> So, I had a conversation with Team RG.
> 
> The settlement papers are no longer valid because NOW I must become the Plaintiff.
> 
> I have to carry the entire load. SMH. I can redraft the settlement papers myself – save myself money… but the extra expense and other BS… F**K.
> 
> I am meeting up with him on Friday and he’s going to tally up the $$$.
> 
> Now I want to respond to that wretched woman.


DON'T!!!!

Let everything go through the courts now. This doesn't change what you've been doing the past few days. Don't engage her!!!

Are you going to see your daughter this weekend?

Btw - thank you for the compliment.


----------



## vi_bride04

Do not respond to that woman anymore. It does no good. Get your ducks in your row with your lawyer and file. Being the plantiff will be better for you in the long run.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Now I want to respond to that wretched woman.


I have a rainbow trout that I will gladly use to slap you across the face with.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Now I want to respond to that wretched woman.


I'm aware my opinion isn't always the popular one.

Personally I don't have a problem with you responding.

It changes nothing from a strategy standpoint (she's still cut off financially) and it will likely make you feel better which I'm all for.

I'll bow out now - don't want to get hit with any fish. LOL


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> I have a rainbow trout that I will gladly use to slap you across the face with.


Not necessary... for now.

Just a frustrating moment.

I guess it'll feel good saying, "I am divorcing you"...


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Mavash. said:


> I'm aware my opinion isn't always the popular one.
> 
> Personally I don't have a problem with you responding.
> 
> It changes nothing from a strategy standpoint (she's still cut off financially) and it will likely make you feel better which I'm all for.
> 
> I'll bow out now - don't want to get hit with any fish. LOL


You're insight is continuously welcomed and sought after Mavvie. I personally think ReGroup needs to start staying firm on the NC, nothing in what she said warrants a reply from what I see.

She's gotten far too many as is.

We could go out for fish, never would I think of hitting you with one though.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Not necessary... for now.
> 
> Just a frustrating moment.
> 
> I guess it'll feel good saying, "I am divorcing you"...


I can relate 150%, you're not the only one nailing down the hatches. But once you get a steady handle on keeping quiet, you will know when it's in your best interest to speak up.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Not necessary... for now.
> 
> Just a frustrating moment.
> 
> I guess it'll feel good saying, "I am divorcing you"...


You're going to get that chance soon enough. It'll feel even better if you pick just the right time, like when she has those papers in her hand.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Your progress!
> 
> So, I had a conversation with Team RG.
> 
> The settlement papers are no longer valid because NOW I must become the Plaintiff.
> 
> I have to carry the entire load. SMH. I can redraft the settlement papers myself – save myself money… but the extra expense and other BS… F**K.
> 
> I am meeting up with him on Friday and he’s going to tally up the $$$.
> 
> Now I want to respond to that wretched woman.


You know why divorce costs so much?

Because it's worth it.


----------



## HappyKaty

Ceegee said:


> You know why divorce costs so much?
> 
> Because it's worth it.


QFT.

Had I known then, what I do now, I would've sucked it up and paid for the whole thing (x10), two years ago. 

Freedom from a whack job is PRICELESS!


----------



## Conrad

HappyKaty said:


> QFT.
> 
> Had I known then, what I do now, I would've sucked it up and paid for the whole thing (x10), two years ago.
> 
> Freedom from a whack job is PRICELESS!


Avoiding the next whack job is worth even more!


----------



## HappyKaty

Conrad said:


> Avoiding the next whack job is worth even more!


We've all got a little wackiness. But, I'll agree. It's about finding that level of wackiness that compliments your own, and rebuking that which results in the infamous # 3's. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

HappyKaty said:


> QFT.
> 
> Had I known then, what I do now, I would've sucked it up and paid for the whole thing (x10), two years ago.
> 
> Freedom from a whack job is PRICELESS!


Been divorce almost 3 weeks now. 

When does Whack Job go away?


----------



## HappyKaty

Ceegee said:


> Been divorce almost 3 weeks now.
> 
> When does Whack Job go away?


Never for you. Haha.

I don't share any spawn with my ex. Thank God!

Still, though...occasionally seeing a b*tch must be loads better than living with a b*tch.


----------



## Ceegee

HappyKaty said:


> Never for you. Haha.
> 
> I don't share any spawn with my ex. Thank God!
> 
> Still, though...occasionally seeing a b*tch must be loads better than living with a b*tch.


One would think so.


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> Never for you. Haha.
> 
> I don't share any spawn with my ex. Thank God!
> 
> Still, though...occasionally seeing a b*tch must be loads better than living with a b*tch.


Ain't that the truth.

I remember sitting in my car, in front of my building listening to sports radio, delaying to go up stairs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Are you getting my text messages and emails?

I'm feeling the love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Are you getting my text messages and emails?
> 
> I'm feeling the love.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


See, now in my opinion this is a great line gifted to you, so you can establIsh your boundaries.

"I am not okay communicating about anything unless it's about D4.".


----------



## ThreeStrikes

06Daddio08 said:


> See, now in my opinion this is a great line gifted to you, so you can establIsh your boundaries.
> 
> "I am not okay communicating about anything unless it's about D4.".


Me? I'd reply "yes", and that's it.

But I'm a vindictive bastard....


----------



## 06Daddio08

ThreeStrikes said:


> Me? I'd reply "yes", and that's it.
> 
> But I'm a vindictive bastard....


I see where you're coming from, but from the general standpoint in where RG is .. he's been 'poking the bear' quite a bit as is.

From everything Mrs. RG has said, this is by far the most 'condensed' thing she has said in a while. It's not followed up by 5+ different things all at once, it's literally an isolated sentence based on him receiving texts and e-mails.

Her little sentence gives him complete control and power to spread his boundary in a big way. If her main form of communicating in regards to her BS is through text and e-mail .. he can smother that flame with one shot.


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> I see where you're coming from, but from the general standpoint in where RG is .. he's been 'poking the bear' quiet a bit as is.
> 
> From everything Mrs. RG has said, this is by far the most 'condensed' thing she has said in a while. It's not followed up by 5+ different things all at once, it's literally an isolated sentence based on him receiving texts and e-mails.
> 
> Her little sentence gives him complete control and power to spread his boundary in a big way. If her main form of communicating in regards to her BS is through text and e-mail .. he can smother that flame with one shot.


I like this. Makes sense. I will respond tomorrow.

Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> Never for you. Haha.
> 
> I don't share any spawn with my ex. Thank God!
> 
> Still, though...occasionally seeing a b*tch must be loads better than living with a b*tch.


Katy, where have you been? We need an update.

... And, that dog creeps me out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Katy, where have you been? We need an update.
> 
> ... And, that dog creeps me out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's divorcing the dog.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> She's divorcing the dog.


We were about to send a search team looking for you.

What's going on Big Brother Chip... Another convention?

Tommy and i were getting worried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

He's busy watching the cardinals beating the brewers and hoping the card's manager is out for the rest of the season with a foul ball to the head.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> We were about to send a search team looking for you.
> 
> What's going on Big Brother Chip... Another convention?
> 
> Tommy and i were getting worried.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Anyone here really like cable companies?


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> Katy, where have you been? We need an update.
> 
> ... And, that dog creeps me out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've been doing Katy!  

The mod deleted all my threads, so I feel no reason to start a new one. But, I'm doing well. I do get lonely, but then I remember how amazing it is to walk around naked when I want, and it's FAN.TASTIC!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tron

HappyKaty said:


> I've been doing Katy!
> 
> The mod deleted all my threads, so I feel no reason to start a new one. But, I'm doing well. I do get lonely, but then I remember how amazing it is to walk around naked when I want, and it's FAN.TASTIC!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My my, what a little tease you are.

You ought to take a few pics and send them to RG. He can carry them on his phone and do a little show and tell for the crazy lady at the next kid exchange.


----------



## tom67

Tron said:


> My my, what a little tease you are.
> 
> You ought to take a few pics and send them to RG. He can carry them on his phone and do a little show and tell for the crazy lady at the next kid exchange.


Oh boy watch the fire works


----------



## ThreeStrikes

06Daddio08 said:


> I see where you're coming from, but from the general standpoint in where RG is .. he's been 'poking the bear' quite a bit as is.
> 
> From everything Mrs. RG has said, this is by far the most 'condensed' thing she has said in a while. It's not followed up by 5+ different things all at once, it's literally an isolated sentence based on him receiving texts and e-mails.
> 
> Her little sentence gives him complete control and power to spread his boundary in a big way. If her main form of communicating in regards to her BS is through text and e-mail .. he can smother that flame with one shot.


I'd worry about boundary setting once I have a court order.

It's pointless now.


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ThreeStrikes said:


> I'd worry about boundary setting once I have a court order.
> 
> It's pointless now.


I suppose it all depends on what kind of end game he's looking for.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> My my, what a little tease you are.
> 
> You ought to take a few pics and send them to RG. He can carry them on his phone and do a little show and tell for the crazy lady at the next kid exchange.


He can tell Mrs. ReG he picked Katy up on his last trip to Babylon.


----------



## ReGroup

In one of the bigger blunders ever ... we signed our marriage agreement on this day.

One of my biggest regrets - but it was the only day we could get it done... so I thought at the time. 

Mrs. RG: Still CANNOT believe that we got married on this horrid day! I begged you to change the day, but you said no....we were doomed from the begining. 

Please let me know what is going on with everything....I thought I needed to resign papers, etc....

* She'll never let that one go. I knew she would contact me today. FML

5 Years!


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> In one of the bigger blunders ever ... we signed our marriage agreement on this day.
> 
> One of my biggest regrets - but it was the only day we could get it done... so I thought at the time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Still CANNOT believe that we got married on this horrid day! I begged you to change the day, but you said no....we were doomed from the begining.
> 
> Please let me know what is going on with everything....I thought I needed to resign papers, etc....
> 
> * She'll never let that one go. I knew she would contact me today. FML


I say this with respect to the fallen and those who lost loved ones 12 years ago ... but today is just another day for many in the world and the events that sadly transpired have nothing to do with a marriage.

You cannot control the circus that's in her head but you surely don't have to keep purchasing tickets to the show. Set the boundaries on contact and stick to them.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Still CANNOT believe that we got married on this horrid day! I begged you to change the day, but you said no....we were doomed from the begining.
> 
> * She'll never let that one go. I knew she would contact me today. FML


With that kind of attitude she has it was doomed. 

Attitude is everything.

No more FML's from you ReGroup as you are getting a do over real soon. A new lease on life. 

The Original FAN


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> In one of the bigger blunders ever ... we signed our marriage agreement on this day.
> 
> One of my biggest regrets - but it was the only day we could get it done... so I thought at the time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Still CANNOT believe that we got married on this horrid day! I begged you to change the day, but you said no....we were doomed from the begining.
> 
> Please let me know what is going on with everything....I thought I needed to resign papers, etc....
> 
> * She'll never let that one go. I knew she would contact me today. FML
> 
> 5 Years!


No regrets.

Operation RG Freedom is in full swing.

Shock and Awe on 9/15.


----------



## Chuck71

Glad to see you are harnessing your emotions Group

Once you file and serve her, she thinks you will go dark

her ambush will be the next D4 drop off, IF there is another

VAR everything after her surprise, admissible or not

Once I was able to stick my a$$ in the snow and have a great deal of downtime

a reflection was awash...I too dreaded going home...would pray she was asleep

I recalled trying to set up a meeting with a friend I knew since jr. high

we used to hang out, bust boxes of ball cards before were both got hitched

I made an inventory and spoke with him about it

I told him, "I felt something was going to happen" and asked him to sell them on Ebay

if something ever happened to me 

we spoke on % for his troubles and rest would go to my mom

Yes I was that danm miserable....

Yes I should have walked away in 2007

But....but divorce is a sin.....pontificated by......unwed individuals

Misery....sadness...disillusionment...I was there once

I will roll the dice with a divorce and a future

rather than a future of hopelessness

Group.......compared to late last year....you are so much in the light


----------



## Mavash.

While yes I feel bad about what happened on this day it IS just another day.

Said someone born on Friday the 13th.


----------



## Chuck71

I agree Mav....I was born on the same day...hmmm...NY's statehood

pop was born on Valentine's Day (some sick joke)

mom on tax day...

mom's drunkard brother....Christmas Day

it is......just another day in the calendar 

5/29 once meant something....just another day

8/10 still means a lot...but technically...just another day


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> I agree Mav....I was born on the same day...hmmm...NY's statehood
> 
> pop was born on Valentine's Day (some sick joke)
> 
> mom on tax day...
> 
> mom's drunkard brother....Christmas Day
> 
> it is......just another day in the calendar
> 
> 5/29 once meant something....just another day
> 
> 8/10 still means a lot...but technically...just another day


I was born on Pearl Harbor day.

Just another day.

Whom you choose is more important than the dates you choose.


----------



## ReGroup

But, But, But... I tried to "explain" this to her! 

That it's just another day.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> But, But, But... I tried to "explain" this to her!
> 
> That it's just another day.


LOL but you know now that explaining rarely works.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> But, But, But... I tried to "explain" this to her!
> 
> That it's just another day.


RG, looking back could you ever really explain anything to her?


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ceegee said:


> RG, looking back could you ever really explain anything to her?


Nothing wrong wIth explaining something, lots can be wrong with why you're explaining though.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> RG, looking back could you ever really explain anything to her?


LOL...

You should have seen me at work... I did everything short of doing a power point presentation to "explain" things to her...

After my speeches and getting BETTER at explaining, I would always think to myself, "I got this!"...

You know how it turned out...

But with each time, I kept ANTE'ing UP... Getting better at explaining (or so I thought)!

LOL


----------



## HappyKaty

ReGroup said:


> LOL...
> 
> You should have seen me at work... I did everything short of doing a power point presentation to "explain" things to her...


I did the same thing! Then, I would get SOOO angry when my explanations didn't change his point-of-view or opinion.

Haha.

Pathetic.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

HappyKaty said:


> I did the same thing! Then, I would get SOOO angry when my explanations didn't change his point-of-view or opinion.
> 
> Haha.
> 
> Pathetic.


No sense in arguing with someone who has already made up their mind. They will only dig in deeper to their own belief/convictions.


----------



## Ms. GP

ThreeStrikes said:


> No sense in arguing with someone who has already made up their mind. They will only dig in deeper to their own belief/convictions.


No sense in arguing with crazy either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> No sense in arguing with someone who has already made up their mind. They will only dig in deeper to their own belief/convictions.





Ceegee said:


> These people's thought processes are backwards. Most people observe then make a conclusion. These people make their conclusions then contort everything you do to fit the conclusion.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> LOL...
> 
> You should have seen me at work... I did everything short of doing a power point presentation to "explain" things to her...
> 
> After my speeches and getting BETTER at explaining, I would always think to myself, "I got this!"...
> 
> You know how it turned out...
> 
> But with each time, I kept ANTE'ing UP... Getting better at explaining (or so I thought)!
> 
> LOL


Seeking approval is the cardinal sign of codependence.


----------



## Mavash.

It doesn't matter whether the person is crazy or not trying to 'explain' rarely works just like those pointless conversations.

But nope people don't get this they just do more of the same hoping this time it will go their way.

It doesn't.

Anytime we attempt to change others in any way shape, form or fashion it's codependent.


----------



## Mavash.

Just the other day my husband and I argued.

I knew within minutes his mind was made up and nothing I was going to say was going to change that.

I backed up and changed my strategy.

I said "I see your point and will support you on that. As long as xxx happens I'm good". 

The ball is now in his court.

Either he solves this to my satisfaction (and his) or I will.


----------



## ReGroup

But, you guys should have seen me in action! LOL


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> But, you guys should have seen me in action! LOL


Don't have to I lived it.

I was the queen of 'I'm always right".

I'd debate to the death over everything I couldn't get him to buy into.


----------



## HappyKaty

Mavash. said:


> Don't have to I lived it.
> 
> I was the queen of 'I'm always right".
> 
> I'd debate to the death over everything I couldn't get him to buy into.


Mavi, you were my personality twin.


----------



## Nucking Futs

ReGroup said:


> Katy, where have you been? We need an update.
> *
> ... And, that dog creeps me out.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you're referring to her avatar I think it's a chupacabra.


----------



## tom67

Nucking Futs said:


> If you're referring to her avatar I think it's a chupacabra.


The dog looks possessed with those eyes.


----------



## HappyKaty

Nucking Futs said:


> If you're referring to her avatar I think it's a chupacabra.




That is my sweet, sweet baby, Alahna. She's a 4-pound, 8-year old Poodle.

Not a chupacabra. Meanies!


----------



## ReGroup

HappyKaty said:


> That is my sweet, sweet baby, Alahna. She's a 4-pound, 8-year old Poodle.
> 
> Not a chupacabra. Meanies!


Lol...

Mrs. RG: Are you alive? Is everything ok with you?

If their is one thing she didn't expect was for me not to get Defensive about the 9/11 choice.

I have gone DARK... Haven't even called D4. Have to today though... I can't take it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Lol...
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you alive? Is everything ok with you?
> 
> If their is one thing she didn't expect was for me not to get Defensive about the 9/11 choice.
> 
> I have gone DARK... Haven't even called D4. Have to today though... I can't take it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Look at it this way, by being quiet, you ensure the phone call to D4 will be answered.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> Look at it this way, by being quiet, you ensure the phone *call to D4 will be answered*.


She will probably hold D4 hostage before letting Group talk to her.

You know: "answer my questions, or you're not talking with her!"


----------



## zillard

ThreeStrikes said:


> She will probably hold D4 hostage before letting Group talk to her.
> 
> You know: "answer my questions, or you're not talking with her!"


RG - Ok. Bye. 

*as he turns off his VAR*


----------



## vi_bride04

See how ignoring her and going completely dark not engaging her attempts to bait you drive her completely bonkers??

Does more to f* with her head than responding in any way shape or form. And saves your sanity as well.


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Have you left the country?

- Didn't call D4 ... Feel better staying dark. This is so refreshing!!!

I feel like I am on vacation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> In one of the bigger blunders ever ... we signed our marriage agreement on this day.
> 
> One of my biggest regrets - but it was the only day we could get it done... so I thought at the time.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Still CANNOT believe that we got married on this horrid day! I begged you to change the day, but you said no....we were doomed from the begining.
> 
> Please let me know what is going on with everything....I thought I needed to resign papers, etc....
> 
> * She'll never let that one go. I knew she would contact me today. FML
> 
> 5 Years!



RG

Take it from a fellow NY'r who was there.

You couldn't have picked a better day to sign your marriage decree.

I experienced loss like many others that day. 

But one year after 911 I flew home on business from Atlanta. My wife thought I was nuts!

There were 7 other fellow travelers on the 767. So few in such a big plane. The entire crew took turns thanking us for flying that day.

So keep flying RG. "F" her my friend.

HM64


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Have you left the country?
> 
> - Didn't call D4 ... Feel better staying dark. This is so refreshing!!!
> 
> I feel like I am on vacation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Were you scheduled to call her?


----------



## ReGroup

06Daddio08 said:


> Were you scheduled to call her?


No. We wouldn't be what you called your "model" co parenting team. 

I am hoping the court stuff will help us in that department.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

happyman64 said:


> RG
> 
> Take it from a fellow NY'r who was there.
> 
> You couldn't have picked a better day to sign your marriage decree.
> 
> I experienced loss like many others that day.
> 
> But one year after 911 I flew home on business from Atlanta. My wife thought I was nuts!
> 
> There were 7 other fellow travelers on the 767. So few in such a big plane. The entire crew took turns thanking us for flying that day.
> 
> So keep flying RG. "F" her my friend.
> 
> HM64


Thanks Happy. That took guts getting on a plane on the one year anniversary.

I can only imagine what your wifey was thinking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

ReGroup Tracker on overdrive. Good Lord.

Calls coming private, from work, etc... 

Damn, her anger has to be dumped somewhere - I wonder if she has any volunteers.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> ReGroup Tracker on overdrive. Good Lord.
> 
> Calls coming private, from work, etc...
> 
> Damn, her anger has to be dumped somewhere - I wonder if she has any volunteers.


She misses her paycheck.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Have you left the country?
> 
> - Didn't call D4 ... Feel better staying dark. This is so refreshing!!!
> 
> I feel like I am on vacation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And the light bulb comes on.


----------



## Mavash.

ThreeStrikes said:


> She misses her paycheck.


This.

Has nothing to do with dumping anger.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Thanks Happy. That took guts getting on a plane on the one year anniversary.
> 
> I can only imagine what your wifey was thinking.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was too Happy RG.

But a man has to do what a man has to do. 

Plus I was and still am well insured.

Maybe I should call your wife anonymously and tell her Happy Anniversary and that she won a prize.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> ReGroup Tracker on overdrive. Good Lord.
> 
> Calls coming private, from work, etc...
> 
> Damn, her anger has to be dumped somewhere - I wonder if she has any volunteers.


Keep it up, it's driving her crazy not being able to drag you into her toxic world!!


----------



## just got it 55

smallsteps said:


> Keep it up, it's driving her crazy not being able to drag you into her toxic world!!


RG This is the only place left for her to contact you


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: Reminder, I will not sign unless the visitation is for every other weekend. Are we in agreement. That can be negotiable of course but it should be stated every other weekend. If you want to add negotiable pursuant to both parties I am ok with that.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Reminder, I will not sign unless the visitation is for every other weekend. Are we in agreement. That can be negotiable of course but it should be stated every other weekend. If you want to add negotiable pursuant to both parties I am ok with that.


RG: Reminder I won't pay you until I get visitation which is fair and reasonable.

Two can play this game. 

No don't respond I'm just saying her threats mean absolutely nothing.


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG: Reminder, I will not sign unless the visitation is for every other weekend. Are we in agreement. That can be negotiable of course but it should be stated every other weekend. If you want to add negotiable pursuant to both parties I am ok with that.


LOL....her last remaining hold on you. Don't you dare respond. Wait until she sees you are going to fight for your daughter. 

I'm telling clients already that Monday is no good for me as I have plans.


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> RG: Reminder I won't pay you until I get visitation which is fair and reasonable.


I would send this.


----------



## GutPunch

I don't disagree with Chip much but 

STAY DARK!


----------



## Mavash.

Stay dark. It's working and you know it.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> LOL....her last remaining hold on you. Don't you dare respond. Wait until she sees you are going to fight for your daughter.
> 
> I'm telling clients already that Monday is no good for me as I have plans.


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> No. We wouldn't be what you called your "model" co parenting team.
> 
> I am hoping the court stuff will help us in that department.


If Ceegee and I are any indication, I wouldn't expect it too.


----------



## ReGroup

Warning: I am not going to send it.

Just want your input.

If I were to say something like: Hey, we can still do the 3/4 weekends and be able to negotiate.


----------



## Mavash.

She doesn't understand the word "negotiate".

She only knows how to eat cake.

Don't even waste your time.


----------



## vi_bride04

Don't you dare respond...!!!! To anything she sends....she is baiting and that's it.....

Deal with it legally and through the court from now on. Her time to "negotiate" has long passed


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> She doesn't understand the word "negotiate".
> 
> She only knows how to eat cake.
> 
> Don't even waste your time.


SMH. 

There is no escape. 

I thought pulling the money would be the put away pitch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> Don't you dare respond...!!!! To anything she sends....she is baiting and that's it.....
> 
> Deal with it legally and through the court from now on. Her time to "negotiate" has long passed


I won't respond to it. 

I promise. 

Everytime we make progress, a new obstacle comes up.

Meeting with Team RG tomorrow... I'm sure we'll have a good laugh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Warning: I am not going to send it.
> 
> Just want your input.
> 
> If I were to say something like: Hey, we can still do the 3/4 weekends and be able to negotiate.


Any sort of conciliatory tone will have the lumber falling


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Any sort of conciliatory tone will have the lumber falling


When have you ever heard of a "bully" such as myself use such a tone?


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> When have you ever heard of a "bully" such as myself use such a tone?


Better yet, a CHEAP, balding, show-stealing, FAN with evil sperm?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Better yet, a CHEAP, balding, show-stealing, FAN with evil sperm?


Azz notch to boot!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Warning: I am not going to send it.
> 
> Just want your input.
> 
> If I were to say something like: Hey, we can still do the 3/4 weekends and be able to negotiate.


No.

Every weekend or if every other weekend, you want one or two nights during the week.


----------



## tom67

50/50 to heck with her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

RG, she will relieved to have a judge restore order in her chaotic mind. Her respect for you will go up. Save your daughter from her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> Oh it is which is why suddenly she's so interested in the papers.
> 
> But then it pisses her off that you hold all the cards so she tries desperately to gain control again.
> 
> That's why going dark works so well.
> 
> Takes the control away.


She'll get it back...


----------



## happyman64

I am convinced Mrs RG is madly in love with you and needs this connection with you until death do us part...

Of course she is also the one that is going to kill you by giving you a heart attack. 

Stay dark.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

happyman64 said:


> I am convinced Mrs RG is madly in love with you and needs this connection with you until death do us part...
> 
> Of course she is also the one that is going to kill you by giving you a heart attack.
> 
> Stay dark.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She doesn't know love. 

She only want his love so she can control him.


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> I am convinced Mrs RG is madly in love with you and needs this connection with you until death do us part...
> 
> Of course she is also the one that is going to kill you by giving you a heart attack.
> 
> Stay dark.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Can you say black widow?


----------



## Mavash.

She doesn't love him she needs him as a financial backer while she dates.

This after she became unhappy and decided it was all RG's fault.

And another cake eating, blame shifter is born.


----------



## ReGroup

I might have to pull out my trump card...

I'll get on my hand and knees and beg her to divorce me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I might have to pull out my trump card...
> 
> I'll get on my hand and knees and beg her to divorce me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah....cuz begging has always worked with her in the past


----------



## Mavash.

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah....cuz begging has always worked with her in the past


:rofl:


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> Yeah....cuz begging has always worked with her in the past


Joking vi!!!

Though, I never begged - remember, I didn't fight for her.

I just said, "ok".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

Hey RG-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> Hey RG-
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!












Wherever you are


----------



## LongWalk

RG, what have you learned about the hapless OM?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tron

Mrs RG gave him a present for his birthday...an uneventful Friday.

Oh well.

I guess it's off to Babylon.


----------



## Conrad

Tron said:


> Mrs RG gave him a present for his birthday...an uneventful Friday.
> 
> Oh well.
> 
> I guess it's off to Babylon.


Do you think being a process server in the South Bronx would be an interesting job? I can tell you it will be next week!


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Do you think being a process server in the South Bronx would be an interesting job? I can tell you it will be next week!


RG should auction off this job to the highest TAM bidder. 

I'll start it at $500!


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> RG should auction off this job to the highest TAM bidder.
> 
> I'll start it at $500!


Hand her the papers and say quietly, "I'm an ass-notch too"


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Hand her the papers and say quietly, "I'm an ass-notch too"


The fat balding part will be evident. 

Can't call me cheap though. Especially with the raise I got from the divorce.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> The fat balding part will be evident.
> 
> Can't call me cheap though. Especially with the raise I got from the divorce.


But, will you steal the show?


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> But, will you steal the show?


It's what we do.


----------



## LongWalk

RG, just an off the wall change of subject. What your favorite places to eat out in NYC? Do you recommend any Latin food?

Many years ago when I was wandering around midtown I came across a few streets with what I think was Cuban food. All the lunch customers were laborers who had gotten up really early and were chowing down. It was heavy stuff, honest home style cooking. Great atmosphere.


----------



## smallsteps

Well RG, wherever you are, I hope you had a great day yesterday!!


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> Well RG, wherever you are, I hope you had a great day yesterday!!


Well monday is right around the corner Rocky (1976) Original Theme Song [HD] - YouTube Geez I was nine when this came out it's still great.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> Well monday is right around the corner Rocky (1976) Original Theme Song [HD] - YouTube Geez I was nine when this came out it's still great.


I was 8. I remember it was everywhere.

Yep, Monday morning is a few hours away.........

RG, are you ready?


----------



## GutPunch

Make yourself a big bowl of Wheaties this morning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

It won't happen today.


----------



## tom67

ThreeStrikes said:


> It won't happen today.


It's supposed to right?:scratchhead:


----------



## GutPunch

ThreeStrikes said:


> It won't happen today.


I disagree. If she gets embarrassed at work, she won't be able to hold it in.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

She won't get served today.


----------



## GutPunch

ThreeStrikes said:


> She won't get served today.


Well...that makes sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Finding Nemo

RG - I haven't read your entire postings, but I wanted to drop by to wish you the best of luck and to say that I hope that the judge will see to it that you get as much time with your kiddo as you are requesting. This battle to the death of the marriage is between your wife and you...not between your wife and child or you and your child. As long as you are not abusing or neglecting your kiddo, they deserve the benefit of as much time with both parents as possible. It is even more beneficial that you WANT to spend time with them. The more equal the time, the more stable your child is going to be in the years to come. If your wife isn't going to wake up and see this, hopefully the judge will already know it and see to it that it happens.


----------



## tom67

RG how are you? Come on back.


----------



## Nucking Futs

tom67 said:


> RG how are you? Come on back.


I'm sure they've decided to R and too busy with hysterical bonding to post.

:lol: My candidate for most ridiculous post of the day.


----------



## tom67

Nucking Futs said:


> I'm sure they've decided to R and too busy with hysterical bonding to post.
> 
> :lol: My candidate for most ridiculous post of the day.


Oh it's hysterical alright.


----------



## smallsteps

Nucking Futs said:


> I'm sure they've decided to R and too busy with hysterical bonding to post.
> 
> :lol: My candidate for most ridiculous post of the day.


Agreed - ridiculous :rofl:


----------



## vi_bride04

Nucking Futs said:


> I'm sure they've decided to R and too busy with hysterical bonding to post.


I just threw up in my mouth alot


----------



## Nucking Futs

vi_bride04 said:


> I just threw up in my mouth alot


Not that I think it's likely, but if it turns out to be true there will be many heads exploding, mine included. That would be just too much WTF all at once to contain.


----------



## smallsteps

Nucking Futs said:


> Not that I think it's likely, but if it turns out to be true there will be many heads exploding, mine included. That would be just too much WTF all at once to contain.


Don't even go there........


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup's cousin got hold of his phone again and started sending her love notes.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> ReGroup's cousin got hold of his phone again and started sending her love notes.


Mrs. RG has him handcuffed to the bed, ball in mouth and...I don't want to think about the rest.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Handcuffed to the bed? ball in mouth? I DO want to think about the rest.....


----------



## coachman

"Fight for me you cheap SOB!" as she whips the crap out of him.


----------



## Conrad

coachman said:


> "Fight for me you cheap SOB!" as she whips the crap out of him.


And, he croaks out...SOB? I thought I was a cheap, balding, show stealing FAN with evil sperm.


----------



## Bullwinkle

LOL, Coachman.

I think they're holed up (so to speak) in the EconoLodge down by Kennedy Airport, doing shots of tequila, ordering Chinese food. Mrs. RG is playing the role of Bettina, the sadistic Nazi prison guard.


----------



## tom67

Bullwinkle said:


> LOL, Coachman.
> 
> I think they're holed up (so to speak) in the EconoLodge down by Kennedy Airport, doing shots of tequila, ordering Chinese food. Mrs. RG is playing the role of Bettina, the sadistic Nazi prison guard.


:FIREdevil::rofl:


----------



## tom67

Devo - Whip It (Video) - YouTube


----------



## Pbartender

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... Go check the bottom of the canyon for a '66 Thunderbird.


----------



## tom67

Pbartender said:


> I've said it before, and I'll say it again... Go check the bottom of the canyon for a '66 Thunderbird.


I hope we don't see his story here Deadly Women : Investigation Discovery


----------



## Chuck71

Group I wish the best for you whether I or any other agree or not

the "journe" is slowly evolving into the "de"

ways to go.....still gut check moments

Hindsight sucks because I have the ability to reconstruct 

what I could have / should have done different

as the dynamics change after being served, her actions will too

raise the BS meter and listen to Justin Hawkins

I recommend "One Way Ticket to He!!" 2005

LongWalk may be familiar with them as well

.......on a future note the 2013 A-hole and A-holettes awards are not far off

is it me or do the females hate Queen Lizard more than 'us dudes'


----------



## Ceegee

Way too long to go without an update Group.


----------



## smallsteps

RG where did you go?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pam

Somebody needs to get contact information before this happens again, if and when he comes back. That woman is dangerous.


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Pam said:


> Somebody needs to get contact information before this happens again, if and when he comes back. That woman is dangerous.


I was thinking the same thing earlier today.....

Gone way too long not hearing from RG......

I hope he just went on an amazing trip somewhere with a hottie and doesn't have cell/internet service atm....*positive vibes*


----------



## tom67

vi_bride04 said:


> I was thinking the same thing earlier today.....
> 
> Gone way too long not hearing from RG......
> 
> I hope he just went on an amazing trip somewhere with a hottie and doesn't have cell/internet service atm....*positive vibes*


It does make you wonder.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> It does make you wonder.


I'm sure he's fine. There haven't been any reports on the local news of a crazy woman in NYC doing in her husband. I think if she was to do something to him she'd have no problem making the 11 o'clock news. 

I think he may just be laying low for a while. We'll have to see.


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> I'm sure he's fine. There haven't been any reports on the local news of a crazy woman in NYC doing in her husband. I think if she was to do something to him she'd have no problem making the 11 o'clock news.
> 
> I think he may just be laying low for a while. We'll have to see.


I was anticipating such a great week


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> I was anticipating such a great week


Sadly....me too


----------



## smallsteps

Now, now everyone I'm sure RG' s story is far from over. Maybe it's just sort of on pause for now.

I think he'll be back when he's ready and has something to tell the troops.


----------



## Lifescript

He was mentioning going on a trip to the motherland. Maybe he did. While overseas I saw a cheap stealing balding dude with two hot mamis on his side sipping rum and dancing. Maybe that was him. 

RG, where are you ....?


----------



## Ms. GP

Hey RG I found another passive aggressive toy to go with the drum set. It's an air horn app you can download to d4's new phone. My d4 is playing it right now. Good god it's annoying!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Even after all that has been said, Group did love QL

it is a tough period, no matter which way is chosen

he will re-surface

just when he is ready

Group.....it's hard, damn hard

it was once an unbreakable love

but times they do change

I remember feeling like chit the night after we filed papers

we cope in different ways

EVERYONE is here for you, no matter what


----------



## just got it 55

I am waiting for this thread to blow up 20 plus pages when RG checks in

RG Come ..on Man


----------



## Ceegee

Ms. GP said:


> Hey RG I found another passive aggressive toy to go with the drum set. It's an air horn app you can download to d4's new phone. My d4 is playing it right now. Good god it's annoying!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Reminds me of something I did once. 

I bought the kids iPhones after separation. CT (my ex - Crazy Town - named by my attorneys) would take them away from them and put them in her nightstand. 

One weekend, when the kids were with me, I setup alarms on their phones to go off starting at 4:00am on one, 4:15 on another and 4:30 on the third. 

I only wish I could have seen that.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Reminds me of something I did once.
> 
> I bought the kids iPhones after separation. CT (my ex - Crazy Town - named by my attorneys) would take them away from them and put them in her nightstand.
> 
> One weekend, when the kids were with me, I setup alarms on their phones to go off starting at 4:00am on one, 4:15 on another and 4:30 on the third.
> 
> I only wish I could have seen that.


:lol::rofl:


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Reminds me of something I did once.
> 
> I bought the kids iPhones after separation. CT (my ex - Crazy Town - named by my attorneys) would take them away from them and put them in her nightstand.
> 
> One weekend, when the kids were with me, I setup alarms on their phones to go off starting at 4:00am on one, 4:15 on another and 4:30 on the third.
> 
> I only wish I could have seen that.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## Chuck71

Ceegee said:


> Reminds me of something I did once.
> 
> I bought the kids iPhones after separation. CT (my ex - Crazy Town - named by my attorneys) would take them away from them and put them in her nightstand.
> 
> One weekend, when the kids were with me, I setup alarms on their phones to go off starting at 4:00am on one, 4:15 on another and 4:30 on the third.
> 
> I only wish I could have seen that.


BW has Frostine

Group has Queen Lizard

CG has Crazy Train

can't recall what Z or GPs other halves were nick'd

LW....have you got one for yours? 3 Strikes?? 

tried to think of one for my ex.....lol any suggestions?


----------



## LongWalk

Chuckie, my ex invited me to celebrate my 55th at her place with my daughters. So, I am the person who needs the name... thinking about writing a letter to her to apologize for my dysfunctional behavior.

RG's thread keeps me going. Where is he?


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> BW has Frostine
> 
> Group has Queen Lizard
> 
> CG has Crazy Train
> 
> can't recall what Z or GPs other halves were nick'd
> 
> LW....have you got one for yours? 3 Strikes??
> 
> tried to think of one for my ex.....lol any suggestions?


Window Cork


----------



## Nucking Futs

Chuck71 said:


> BW has Frostine
> 
> Group has Queen Lizard
> 
> CG has Crazy Train
> 
> can't recall what Z or GPs other halves were nick'd
> 
> LW....have you got one for yours? 3 Strikes??
> 
> tried to think of one for my ex.....lol any suggestions?


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Window Cork


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:iagree:


----------



## Chuck71

Nucking Futs said:


>


looked like her back in 1997 after a fifth of Scotch

I bet my BAT was around my waist size that night

:lol:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Conrad said:


> Window Cork


Corky?


----------



## Chuck71

3X.....way back when the D was filed...we had a two month wait

the first month I stayed at the house....was mine and was getting it in D

I would lock all the doors after 7PM....she had no key

I would let her ring the doorbell, bang on windows for about thirty minutes 

before I would let her in....I was busy on Madden NFL

She told me one night she was about to climb through the garage window

I thought....her a$$ and that window.....I couldn't help but grin

She said "You think that's funny don't you?"

I smiled and said "Yes I do."

She trampled off into the house

I worried about the foundation being cracked

I knew that night.....I was going to make it through....in a better position

I should post her pic on here from one of her dating sites

but would it be childish of me?


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> 3X.....way back when the D was filed...we had a two month wait
> 
> the first month I stayed at the house....was mine and was getting it in D
> 
> I would lock all the doors after 7PM....she had no key
> 
> I would let her ring the doorbell, bang on windows for about thirty minutes
> 
> before I would let her in....I was busy on Madden NFL
> 
> She told me one night she was about to climb through the garage window
> 
> I thought....her a$$ and that window.....I couldn't help but grin
> 
> She said "You think that's funny don't you?"
> 
> I smiled and said "Yes I do."
> 
> She trampled off into the house
> 
> I worried about the foundation being cracked
> 
> I knew that night.....I was going to make it through....in a better position
> 
> I should post her pic on here from one of her dating sites
> 
> but would it be childish of me?


Is it a rear-view?


----------



## Chuck71

no TAM has jpeg limitations


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> but would it be childish of me?


We're just a bunch of FAN's. 

Who are we to judge?


----------



## Pbartender

Chuck71 said:


> I should post her pic on here from one of her dating sites
> 
> but would it be childish of me?


Yes, it would... But that doesn't mean you shouldn't.


----------



## Ms. GP

Chuck71 said:


> BW has Frostine
> 
> Group has Queen Lizard
> 
> CG has Crazy Train
> 
> can't recall what Z or GPs other halves were nick'd
> 
> LW....have you got one for yours? 3 Strikes??
> 
> tried to think of one for my ex.....lol any suggestions?


My favorite one of mine was when GP called me the overly attractive battle ax. I like to fancy myself a glass half full kinda gal so I just said, "oh well, at least he still thinks I'm pretty after 14 years." 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coachman

Rg... W.t.f?


----------



## angstire

has anyone checked morgues, ditches, her basement next to the furnace?


----------



## happyman64

No local reports filed on missing, balding, show stealing @ss notches in the newspaper......


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> No local reports filed on missing, balding, show stealing @ss notches in the newspaper......


Happy,

What about CHEAP, balding, show stealing @ss notches in the newspaper?


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> Happy,
> 
> What about CHEAP, balding, show stealing @ss notches in the newspaper?


I will check tonight. I will be in the city Thursday and Friday.

I will check a few of the homeless shelters for RG.


----------



## smallsteps

happyman64 said:


> I will check tonight. I will be in the city Thursday and Friday.
> 
> I will check a few of the homeless shelters for RG.


I read something in the Daily News today about a guy jumping off the VZ bridge. The dude survived!!!


----------



## Pbartender

I've got a Ouija board I can consult...


----------



## just got it 55

RG Typical of a Mets and or Yankee fan to disappear when they don't make the playoffs


----------



## Lifescript

Sh!t! Maybe that was RG I saw with the two hot chicks. Someone took a pic, posted it on FB. RG's X saw it, went bonkers. Crap, RG!! Hope you are ok bud.


----------



## smallsteps

just got it 55 said:


> RG Typical of a Mets and or Yankee fan to disappear when they don't make the playoffs


Whoa....That's hurtful.


----------



## smallsteps

Pbartender said:


> I've got a Ouija board I can consult...


Maybe its time for that or a visit to Long Island Medium.


----------



## just got it 55

smallsteps said:


> Whoa....That's hurtful.


Not for me I remember 86 and 03:scratchhead:


----------



## happyman64

smallsteps said:


> I read something in the Daily News today about a guy jumping off the VZ bridge. The dude survived!!!


A man was on the bridge today but they talked him off.

That is the best way to survive.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone.

I took an impromptu vacation – there wasn’t much internet service where I was so I couldn’t keep you guys updated.

Had a hell of a time. Got to see family and friends that I hadn’t seen in years. Life Script inspired the trip... 

Before I took off I had a meeting with Team RG. He requested social security numbers for D4 and Mrs. RG. 

She wouldn’t give it to me – “lack of trust” so I gave her Team RG’s email and of course it was never sent.

She is also emphatic now that she won’t sign any settlement agreement – not unless I “only” get D4 every other weekend. First it was the money and now visitation.

Operation Serve Her on 09/16/2013 didn’t occur. Team RG hadn’t submitted the request in time for it to occur on that day. Something about a index number. It’s to occur any day now (to my knowledge if it hasn't happened already). I gave them her work and home address. 

They needed her home address in case security at the schools prevented them from serving her there. I instructed that they try their best to reach her at the school. (fingers are crossed).

As predicted, she is enraged about support payments not being issued to the joint account, I have been called a “scumbag”, “deadbeat”, etc… I haven’t wavered. Her collegue who lives in my building tells me that she is dirtying my name all over her school. I just smiled at her... and she said, "I know, I don't believe any of it."

I haven’t responded to any of her threats, so she went the Momma RG route:

Good afternoon Momma RG, 

I am sorry to bother you with this email but it seems to be the only way that I can get some sort of response.

I need to know from RG what he plans on doing about child support. He has refused to pay for D4's care and support throughout the year and has since stopped even sending any money. D4 has school supplies that need to be purchased, clothes that need to be bought, and food. This is his daughter too and as much as he hates me, he is taking it out on her. I have the right to go to court and have a judge force him to pay for his child, however, I have not done that as of yet. I do not want to go there. RG has told me to go ahead and take him to court. I do not wish to bring it there. 

RG does not talk to me about D4's care and refuses to talk to me when I ask him things. He refuses to tell me where she is or who she is with on weekends and refuses to tell me what they do. I have been told on sevreal occassions that he is drunk when he is with her. She even told me the other day that, "Papi always smells like beer." RG has told you that when he calls that I do no pick up the phone which is a lie. RG only calls D4 about twice a week and if I miss his call, I always call him back so that D4 can talk to her father. I told RG in the begining of the summer that we needed to talk because I could not afford St Johns anymore (since RG did not want to help pay for her schooling) and that she may go to a different school in September. We got into a fight over that and he walked away from me and left with D4. Then two weeks ago, he accused me of not telling him anything about D4 or where she is going to school. I told RG where she was going, and I even invited him over. At the end of the conversation he told me, "I do not care where she is going to school or where she lives, all I want to do is get divorced from you!" 

I do not appreciate what is going on here. I am open and have no reason not to tell RG anything about his daughter. However, he does not speak to me and barely returns my text messages, calls or emails. As you said before Momma RG, the only person really suffering here is D4. D4 was devastated that RG did not spend his birthday with her and on Friday cried for 30 minutes about how her father did not invite her to his party. I told her that he would celebrate with him the next week and even text RG asking him to call D4 so that he could calm her down and make her feel better and tell her that he would celebrate with her this week but he never called or even responded to my text. He didnt leave me hanging, he left her hanging. 

If RG does not want to talk to me he needs to get over it because we will be forever tied to eachother because of D4. He also needs to be a better father to her and be more consistent with her and help support his daughter financially. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought anything like this would be happening or that RG would be so nasty and hurtful. My focus is on D4 and giving her the best life possible. I have been doing all of this without RG's support. but things are completely unfair and morally wrong. Im not sure how a father who loves his child can do these types of things....

I understand that things are difficult all around but RG does not seem to be losing sleep over any of this. However, I am always left to clean up the mess of him letting D4 down and being inconsistent. RG has turned people against me by spreading rumors. I have been completely civil to him. I have not tried to hurt him, I have not tried to suck him dry financially, I have not tried to poision our friends against him, unlike what he has done to me. All I want is for him to be the best father that he can be and for him to help pay for his child financially. I would also like for him not to drink around D4 because when she is not with you or your family, I am concerned about her safety and her traveling in cars with people that have been drinking or getting from place to place if he has had too much to drink. RG also accused me of making this up (being drunk around D4) however, I am not and have a very long txt message conversation about everything that happened at that BBQ on Labor Day. I wish to cause no problems, I just want RG to do what is fair and right by D4.

Momma RG, I deeply apologize for involving you in this email, however, I know RG has been lying to you about a few things and he needs to be confronted about it, which is why he has been CC'ed on this email. As I told you before, you can always call D4 anytime that would like to speak with her because you are her grandmother and will always be. She loves you very much.

You guys will be proud of me… I didn’t respond to it. I ignored it completely. I saw it for what it was.

I met up with Momma RG and explained  what the email was all about and it’s intentions. I thought we were both in agreement not to respond.

She of course responds the next day and tells her that she will call her later that day.

Conversation was “RG this, RG that, RG this, RG that”…

Then, Momma RG says: If you ever need for me to take care of D4 – please call me.

When I heard this, I flipped like I haven’t in months! My mother and I usually don’t get into it… but this was different. She basically threw away protocol that I have been trying to establish for months: Everything goes through me first and needs my consent.

I went off. Let’s just say the message was heard loud and clear. Though… we’ve been over this before. 

Last year Momma RG called me a sucker for not standing up to Mrs. RG and now the rolls have been reversed. LOL… She is SCARED that she will lose her relationship with D4. I had to harp out: This won’t happen!

So to recap if you’re still reading:
1.	Operation Serve Her is still pending… any minute now if it hasn't happened already.
2.	Operation Starve Her Out is still in full effect
3.	She refuses to sign anything (Team RG is in shock)
4.	Momma RG was put in check
5.	I am a reckless drunk around my daughter 

Back To Business!
I missed you guys and gals.

PS: She asked me why I am so motivated to divorce her a week ago... I had to tell her straight up: I DO NOT WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU!...

Felt Good.


----------



## angstire

Welcome back and sorry you have to continue to deal with this toxic BS


----------



## Ceegee

Good job RG.

Welcome back. Glad you could put the beer down long enough to type this out. 

I don't blame you for wanting to get away from this crap.


----------



## smallsteps

Welcome back RG. Nice to hear from you.


----------



## tom67

Well Conrad will have to break out the jerseys.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I have been told on several occasions that he is drunk when he is with her. She even told me the other day that, "Papi always smells like beer."
> 
> 5.	I am a reckless drunk around my daughter


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


>


LOL... I knew you would!


----------



## LongWalk

That letter, horrible though it was, contained no obscenities. RG, you are improving her, difficult though it may be.

Caused her lawyer misery. Wonder if she'll nicer to the next one?

She doesn't want divorce but she wants child support and has imposed her own child custody arrangement.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> That letter, horrible though it was, contained no obscenities. RG, you are improving her, difficult though it may be.
> 
> Caused her lawyer misery. Wonder if she'll nicer to the next one?
> 
> She doesn't want divorce but she wants child support and has imposed her own child custody arrangement.


This is a mission outline....

All those things need to be undone.

Divorce needs to proceed.

Custody needs to be ironed out BEFORE one thin dime goes her way.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> This is a mission outline....
> 
> All those things need to be undone.
> 
> Divorce needs to proceed.
> 
> Custody needs to be ironed out BEFORE one thin dime goes her way.


Time for her to be humbled in court. Make her flip out requesting a psych evaluation. you are in fear of your child's well being.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> This is a mission outline....
> 
> All those things need to be undone.
> 
> Divorce needs to proceed.
> 
> Custody needs to be ironed out BEFORE one thin dime goes her way.


I'm with the plan. 

I didn't think withholding payments would make me feel anything other than a lousy parent - but I am feeling empowered in a sick way.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

LongWalk said:


> That letter, horrible though it was, contained no obscenities. RG, you are improving her, difficult though it may be.
> 
> Caused her lawyer misery. Wonder if she'll nicer to the next one?
> 
> She doesn't want divorce but she wants child support and has imposed her own child custody arrangement.


No obscenities because it was sent to RG's mother.

Just think, if she's willing to _politely _badmouth RG to his own mother, you can imagine that she is much worse with her toady friends/acquaintances.

Also, it sounds like she is creating a 'track record' to take to court, false though it may be.

Jeez, Team RG is slower than slug slime. Can't find social security #'s?? Really? How frickin lame.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm with the plan.
> 
> I didn't think withholding payments would make me feel anything other than a lousy parent - but I am feeling empowered in a sick way.


It's not sick.

She's married to you, taking your earnings, withholding your daughter from you on a whim, and spreading her legs for posOM.

Why should you subsidize that?


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> I'm with the plan.
> 
> I didn't think withholding payments would make me feel anything other than a lousy parent - but I am feeling empowered in a sick way.


Once you make it clear you DO NOT know where d lives, you DO NOT know where she goes to school and she has not informed you when they go on vacation I think the court will frown on that at least I would hope.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Once you make it clear you DO NOT know where d lives, you DO NOT know where she goes to school and she has not informed you when they go on vacation I think the court will frown on that at least I would hope.


It is New York, after all.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> It's not sick.
> 
> She's married to you, taking your earnings, withholding your daughter from you on a whim, and spreading her legs for posOM.
> 
> Why should you subsidize that?


She is an entitled witch.


----------



## ThreeStrikes




----------



## smallsteps

RG, don't you give in on that custody issue. Stand your ground, she's your daughter too.


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> RG, don't you give in on that custody issue. Stand your ground, she's your daughter too.


Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers - I Won't Back Down (lyrics) - YouTube


----------



## Lifescript

Wow! That whole letter is basically one lie after the next. 

Welcome back


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Wow! That whole letter is basically one lie after the next.


It's what she does.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Lifescript said:


> Wow! That whole letter is basically one lie after the next.
> 
> Welcome back


The scary part? Its all true in her mind.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> The scary part? Its all true in her mind.


An army of her closest friends couldn't change her mind. 

_"They don't know RG like I know RG."_


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone
> 
> _...stuff..._
> 
> Felt Good.


Based on my own experiences fielding unfounded threats and accusations from AXW and her lawyer... You handled it perfectly.

Keep a record, keep your lawyer notified of what she's saying, and don't respond.

And good on you for locking down the end-run she tried to pull with Momma RG.

Keep it up. :smthumbup:


----------



## GutPunch

Post her boyfriend on Cheaterville and send her a how's this for a response.

Talk to my mom again and you are next.

Have a nice day
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

GutPunch said:


> Post her boyfriend on Cheaterville and send her a how's this for a response.
> 
> Talk to my mom again and you are next.
> 
> Have a nice day
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh yes we'll make him cheater of the day.:FIREdevil:


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I wish to cause no problems, I just want RG to do what is fair and right by D4.


*Cheaters* should lose the right to say crap like this for the *rest of their lives*.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> *Cheaters* should lose the right to say crap like this for the *rest of their lives*.


Yes, yes, think of our CHILD... just as I thought of her when I first removed my panties for posOM.


----------



## Mavash.

Lifescript said:


> Wow! That whole letter is basically one lie after the next.


Well it worked didn't it?

Momma RG took the bait hook, line and sinker.

Called her up, played nice nice and offered to babysit. 

BTW I haven't even read the letter yet - skimmed it.

I'm in too good of a mood and it will just irritate me.


----------



## just got it 55

RG Welcome back hope you got your batteries recharged

Maybe you want to trade places with BW

Prolly less hostile


----------



## LongWalk

It's a good letter. You can tell she is anxious but cannot put her finger on what is going wrong. RG has to tell the court that she is psychologically unstable and a threat to their daughter's mental health. That is just fact.

Documentation will be damning just go through the thread, place the bizarre behavior in some calendar format. The most outrageous emails ought to raise eyebrows. But as Conrad points out this is New York.

When your daughter realizes she can live with you half time she is going to glow with happiness. This is one of things that Mrs RG feels uneasy about.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> It's a good letter. You can tell she is anxious but cannot put her finger on what is going wrong. RG has to tell the court that she is psychologically unstable and a threat to their daughter's mental health. That is just fact.
> 
> Documentation will be damning just go through the thread, place the bizarre behavior in some calendar format. The most outrageous emails ought to raise eyebrows. But as Conrad points out this is New York.
> 
> When your daughter realizes she can live with you half time she is going to glow with happiness. This is one of things that Mrs RG feels uneasy about.


D4 said the cutest thing last week: I don’t want to live with mom anymore. I want to live with you. I have a plan – what if Mommy picks me up for school and drops me off at your place after school ... everyday? Can we do that?

It was a great feeling. She must love the smell of beer.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> D4 said the cutest thing last week: I don’t want to live with mom anymore. I want to live with you. I have a plan – what if Mommy picks me up for school and drops me off at your place after school ... everyday? Can we do that?
> 
> It was a great feeling. She must love the smell of beer.


Me too:


----------



## tom67




----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> D4 said the cutest thing last week: I don’t want to live with mom anymore. I want to live with you. I have a plan – what if Mommy picks me up for school and drops me off at your place after school ... everyday? Can we do that?
> 
> It was a great feeling. She must love the smell of beer.


That is so sweet RG. Listen to what you're daughter is saying to you, she wants to spend more time with you.


----------



## happyman64

:iagree:

Not only because she misses her Dad but because her Mom is nuts!

:scratchhead:


----------



## smallsteps

happyman64 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Not only because she misses her Dad but because her Mom is nuts!
> 
> :scratchhead:


She needs stability in her life. She's 4 and she knows that.


----------



## just got it 55

Conrad said:


> Me too:


You're a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD Man


----------



## Mavash.

happyman64 said:


> Not only because she misses her Dad but because her Mom is nuts!
> 
> :scratchhead:


This is the same woman who called her own D "spoiled" and punished her by sending her to bed at 7pm.

No wonder she wants to live with you.

Mrs RG isn't reasonable and she's kinda mean.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> This is the same woman who called her own D "spoiled" and punished her by sending her to bed at 7pm.
> 
> No wonder she wants to live with you.
> 
> Mrs RG isn't reasonable and she's kinda mean.


All I need is a signature on the revamped settlement papers... Just a signature. 

I am Andy Dufresne chipping through the wall - I must get to the otherside.

May 2014 or bust.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Mavash. said:


> This is the same woman who called her own D "spoiled" and punished her by sending her to bed at 7pm.
> 
> No wonder she wants to live with you.
> 
> Mrs RG isn't reasonable and she's kinda mean.


In terms of spoiled, her D4 has nothing on the genuine article.


----------



## Pam

RG, were you able to convince Mamma RG that Mrs RG was lying in every sentence?


----------



## ReGroup

Pam said:


> RG, were you able to convince Mamma RG that Mrs RG was lying in every sentence?


I asked her, "do you think she's capable of lying to you?"... She said, "yes, she already has"

She still proceeded with the phone call the day after.

Momma RG is all about D4. She doesn't care about the squabbling. She doesn't see the bigger picture. She's the ultimate rescuer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

So that's where you get it from?


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> So that's where you get it from?


Indeed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Ok you set mom straight now don't be too rough on her because you may need her on occasion when you get 50/50 custody.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> Ok you set mom straight now don't be too rough on her because you may need her on occasion when you get 50/50 custody.


True, but he's got to get her under control before all these divorce/custody proceedings start.

He doesn't need her calling Mrs RG up and undermining what's going on.


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> True, but he's got to get her under control before all these divorce/custody proceedings start.
> 
> He doesn't need her calling Mrs RG up and undermining what's going on.


Whoa don't get me wrong I totally agree with that.
:iagree:


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> Whoa don't get me wrong I totally agree with that.
> :iagree:


Lol, I know. I was just building on what you had said.


----------



## just got it 55

Group WTF your not posting much 

You must be getting a life (Good for you )

Come back and save us


----------



## ReGroup

just got it 55 said:


> Group WTF your not posting much
> 
> You must be getting a life (Good for you )
> 
> Come back and save us


Lol... Life is getting a little better. 

I came back last Friday from my trip and had D4 last weekend.

My long time neighbor and best friend threw ourselves a party last Saturday. She was born on The 19th. 

Nothing better than a house party with family and friends. Party ended at 4am. I even connected with a girl I met earlier this year. Had a blast.

Momma RG took D4 when she got sleepy and handled the drop off the next morning.

I stayed at my friends place to do the clean up and slept there. She lives a floor down from me.

As expected I got the text message: And you want D4 on most weekends? Really? (more on this later)

When I spoke to D4 during the week she says: Can you and M throw more parties?
Lol.

Work was hectic - catching up to work all week.

Thank God the weekend is here. 

Anyways, Momma RG sat me down last night and asked me a question.

Momma RG: RG, are you seeing someone?

RG: What? Why do you ask? I am just having a good time.

Momma RG: Are you seeing a blond?

RG: What?

MRG: Mrs. RG asked me if you were seeing a blond at the drop off? 

RG: (The party, the girl has blonde hair).

RG Tracker Lives!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> *As expected I got the text message: And you want D4 on most weekends? Really? (more on this later)*


She actually has quite the point.


----------



## ReGroup

If you have the resources, than use them... Especially on special occasions.

Besides, I live one flight up. She's in good hands.

I have a feeling she's been served, she just hasn't said anything. 

Going to remain dark and handle my side of things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> If you have the resources, than use them... Especially on special occasions.
> 
> Besides, I live one flight up. She's in good hands.
> 
> I have a feeling she's been served, she just hasn't said anything.
> 
> Going to remain dark and handle my side of things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's quiet huh?


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> If you have the resources, than use them... Especially on special occasions.
> 
> Besides, I live one flight up. She's in good hands.
> 
> I have a feeling she's been served, she just hasn't said anything.
> 
> Going to remain dark and handle my side of things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Keep your focus RG. No time to get distracted now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## coachman

RG you missed the opportunity to put your D to bed and wake up with her in the morning.

That's how I read it.. Correct me if I'm wrong.

It's not about having the resources so go ahead and take advantage of it. If you had D full time then this would be different. You only have her for a few nights a month and you chose to party over spending every quality minute with her that you could. You don't get those moments back.

In this instance... This was a fail on your part.


----------



## ReGroup

Duly noted. 

I'll be more mindful of the quality time.

Love the constructive criticism. Helps me see both sides of the coin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

Momma ReGroup deserves her time as well. 

It was a special occasion not an every night thing. Mrs. ReGroup can suck it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ms. GP

GutPunch said:


> Momma ReGroup deserves her time as well.
> 
> It was a special occasion not an every night thing. Mrs. ReGroup can suck it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with GP. Grandparents need quality time too. We totally dumped the kids off on GP's parents last night and it was awesome!!


----------



## Mavash.

I don't see anything wrong with the occasional party. My kids love it when friends come over and momma RG probably enjoyed having her granddaughter for the night.

It's all good.

Add me to Mrs RG can suck it camp.


----------



## coachman

Parties are great. Getting out and being social is great too.

My point was, when your daughter was tired then it's time for her bedtime routine and then return to the party. Take care of business with her first and then go back and socialize later.

Then be there for her when she gets up. 

It's very doable to do both and RG needs to be taking advantage of every minute with D at this point.

It's easy to see Mrs. RG's point about the weekends. If he only has her a couple times and chooses to party instead of spend the night with her...it's easy to see where she was coming from.


----------



## 06Daddio08

I agree with Coach 100% and add that this has nothing to do with the ex, dunno why the focus is even on her. Such a tendency to shift it back to her. 

Look at it this way, you just possibly served her, your ex sent a lengthy letter to your mother and then you use her to take on the responsibility at the child swap. What happens? Your mother comes back with questions and your ex can document a no show with your parental duties.

I'm not disagreeing with going out or utilizing family support, I'm saying be cautious for the next while and take every moment with your daughter. You're going to need it come court time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

Look here's the bottom line, he's in a period right now where his every move is going to be scrutinized. He needs to be careful.

Nothing wrong with D4 spending time with Momma RG but RG has to watch his step and play the saint. He can't give Mrs RG one single thing to go after.

They'll be plenty of time for parties and socializing later or out of D4's presence. 

That poor little girl is going to be drilled my Mrs RG for information. You can't expect a 4 year old to be discretionary about what she says.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## zillard

coachman said:


> Parties are great. Getting out and being social is great too.
> 
> My point was, when your daughter was tired then it's time for her bedtime routine and then return to the party. Take care of business with her first and then go back and socialize later.
> 
> Then be there for her when she gets up.
> 
> *It's very doable to do both and RG needs to be taking advantage of every minute with D at this point.*
> 
> It's easy to see Mrs. RG's point about the weekends. If he only has her a couple times and chooses to party instead of spend the night with her...it's easy to see where she was coming from.


:iagree:


----------



## zillard

If a DS did this most of us would be rallying behind the BS and stressing the importance of documenting.

Having momma do the exchange is opening the door for Mrs RG. Instant curiosity, followed by digging. That includes drilling D4, which is no good for her. 

Mrs RG will continue to drill D4 when she's curious - you can't control that. But you can minimize it where possible.


----------



## Conrad

zillard said:


> Having momma do the exchange is opening the door for Mrs RG. Instant curiosity, followed by digging.


The FAN Club wants the accusations hurled as soon as the thought occurs... c'mon ReGroup











No more Momma ReG for the exchanges.


----------



## ReGroup

I got it. Never again - all focus from here on out.

The other team has gone dark. Even my phone calls to D4 have gone unanswered.

She must have been served already. 

I don't know what's going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I got it. Never again - all focus from here on out.
> 
> The other team has gone dark. Even my phone calls to D4 have gone unanswered.
> 
> She must have been served already.
> 
> I don't know what's going on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then it's game time RG........ You need to keep your wits about you from here on in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Then it's game time RG........ You need to keep your wits about you from here on in.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm trying. 

I thought withholding money would ignite her to get on board. She's even more defiant now.

I'm even paying for the entire thing ... And nothing.

My lawyer even said she's likely to ignore The Motion For Divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Good, if she ignores it, it will be default and things work out better for you.


----------



## ReGroup

I just received a Summons Support petition from The Family Courts. WTF.

She's taking ME to court for child support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I just received a Summons Support petition from The Family Courts. WTF.
> 
> She's taking ME to court for child support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Call your lawyer.

Let me see if I can do some asking around. 

If she wants to get support then she needs to agree to visitation.

You need to be proactive now RG


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> Call your lawyer.
> 
> Let me see if I can do some asking around.
> 
> If she wants to get support then she needs to agree to visitation.
> 
> You need to be proactive now RG


Absolutely... this is a good thing.


----------



## Mavash.

smallsteps said:


> Call your lawyer.
> 
> Let me see if I can do some asking around.
> 
> If she wants to get support then she needs to agree to visitation.
> 
> You need to be proactive now RG


YES.

Look at the positives RG.

Here's your chance to get visitation in WRITING.

She's delusional and the judge will see it.


----------



## GutPunch

Document the unanswered phone calls.


----------



## Conrad

She actually has to DO something now.

It's been a long long time.


----------



## ReGroup

The summons is requesting we bring the divorce decree. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I'm not sweating this ... It's just dumb. I see why she's doing it.

Its just illogical. Why not sign the settlement.

Clean break.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> She actually has to DO something now.
> 
> It's been a long long time.


Yep and she better not violate the terms of the court order, but I have a feeling she will and that's good for RG.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I'm not sweating this ... It's just dumb. I see why she's doing it.
> 
> Its just illogical. Why not sign the settlement.
> 
> Clean break.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When has logic mattered to her?


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Its just illogical. Why not sign the settlement.


You are trying to reason with an irrational person.

It won't work.


----------



## smallsteps

Pbartender said:


> You are trying to reason with an irrational person.
> 
> It won't work.


That's why the stakes are high. Keep your eyes open and take nothing for granted RG


----------



## vi_bride04

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Pbartender said:


> You are trying to reason with an irrational person.
> 
> It won't work.


Read this whenever you wonder wtf her problem is...


----------



## 06Daddio08

ReGroup said:


> I'm not sweating this ... It's just dumb. I see why she's doing it.
> 
> Its just illogical. Why not sign the settlement.
> 
> Clean break.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She wants all or nothing, which is why it's important to be on your game so she gets what she's legally entitled to and nothing more. All she's concerned about is dragging you through the mud long enough to get what she wants, not a dang thing 'clean' about it.

Put away the jerseys and the little kid name calling games you've been playing. It's time to put on your big boy pants if you honestly want that visitation with your daughter.


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> That's why the stakes are high. Keep your eyes open and take nothing for granted RG












Her FAN Club has got your back


----------



## ReGroup

Big Govt. Shut Down...

Federal Employee here... working for free. 

Also, battling a stomach bug.

Get the violin out.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Big Govt. Shut Down...
> 
> Federal Employee here... working for free.
> 
> Also, battling a stomach bug.
> 
> Get the violin out.


Sounds like a great day to drive a divorce


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Big Govt. Shut Down...
> 
> Federal Employee here... working for free.
> 
> Also, battling a stomach bug.
> 
> Get the violin out.


Yuck - I hate stomach bugs!! That and sore throats are two things I can't take being sick with. I'm a miserable human being when it happens to me

Feel better RG


----------



## LongWalk

smallsteps said:


> Call your lawyer.
> 
> Let me see if I can do some asking around.
> 
> If she wants to get support then she needs to agree to visitation.
> 
> You need to be proactive now RG


Now your chess game here on out has got to be sharp, RG, we're rooting for D4 and you.


----------



## LongWalk

Mavash. said:


> YES.
> 
> Look at the positives RG.
> 
> Here's your chance to get visitation in WRITING.
> 
> She's delusional and the judge will see it.


:iagree:

Clear as day cutting off the money and serving her forced her to act. The record will show (if you have a good attorney) that she ran off with another man, unilaterally awarding herself sole custody and dictating chid support payments. Hey, when did you agree to this?

She hid D4 from you and damaged your relationship with all of her games.

She wrote psycho emails about your evil seed, etc. shyte is too gross for locker room and when the judge and social workers read it, they are going to go whooa. Of course Conrad always says NY doesn't care. Let the NY system do a bad job, but don't assume it must fail.

Get psyched to be a 50% Dad. You will find hot women who dig RG the single Dad. All single dads doing stuff with happy kids are sure to catch the ladies' eyes.


----------



## Ceegee

LongWalk said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Clear as day cutting off the money and serving her forced her to act. The record will show (if you have a good attorney) that she ran off with another man, unilaterally awarding herself sole custody and dictating chid support payments. Hey, when did you agree to this?
> 
> She hid D4 from you and damaged your relationship with all of her games.
> 
> She wrote psycho emails about your evil seed, etc. shyte is too gross for locker room and when the judge and social workers read it, they are going to go whooa. Of course Conrad always says NY doesn't care. Let the NY system do a bad job, but don't assume it must fail.
> 
> Get psyched to be a 50% Dad. You will find hot women who dig RG the single Dad. All single dads doing stuff with happy kids are sure to catch the ladies' eyes.


QFT

She bullied you and you gave her the support she wanted.

She knew a divorce settlement wouldn't be as favorable as the one she wrote for the both of you.

She stalled divorce for this reason.

You are now in driver's seat.

Don't give it up.


----------



## 3putt

smallsteps said:


> Yuck - *I hate stomach bugs!!* That and sore throats are two things I can't take being sick with. I'm a miserable human being when it happens to me
> 
> Feel better RG


You aren't kidding. The last one I had almost biologically weaponized me.

Ugh


----------



## zillard

LongWalk said:


> You will find hot women who dig RG the single Dad. All single dads doing stuff with happy kids are sure to catch the ladies' eyes.


Though this shouldn't be your focus at the moment, it's absolutely true.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Get psyched to be a 50% Dad. You will find hot women who dig RG the single Dad. All single dads doing stuff with happy kids are sure to catch the ladies' eyes.


That cheap balding FAN will steal the show!


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> You all know I am battling a stomach bug...
> 
> And have me laughing like this.
> 
> Damn you all.


It's good to laugh and throw up at the same time.


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> You all know I am battling a stomach bug...
> 
> And have me laughing like this.
> 
> Damn you all.


Get better RG.

Her lyrics gave me the hershey squirts too!


----------



## angstire

tom67 said:


> It's good to laugh and throw up at the same time.


It is?


----------



## Conrad

angstire said:


> It is?


It beats just throwing up.


----------



## angstire

Conrad said:


> It beats just throwing up.


If you get to choose how to throw up, laughing is better. :smthumbup:


----------



## GutPunch

We both lie silently still 
In the dead of the night 
Although we both lie close together 
We feel miles apart inside 

Was it something I said or something I did 
Did my words not come out right 
Though I tried not to hurt you 
Though I tried 
But I guess that's why they say 

Every Mrs. ReGroup has it's thorn 
Just like every night has it's dawn 
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song 
Every Mrs. ReGroup has it's thorn 

Yeah it does 

I listen to our favorite song 
Playing on the radio 
Hear the DJ say love's a game of easy come and 
Easy go 
But I wonder does he know 
Has he ever felt like this 
And I know that you'd be here right now 
If I could have let you know somehow 
I guess 

Every Mrs. ReGroup has it's thorn 
Just like every night has it's dawn 
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song 
Every Mrs. ReGroup has it's thorn 

Though it's been a while now 
I can still feel so much pain 
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals 
But the scar, that scar remains 

Solo 

I know I could have saved a love that night 
If I'd known what to say 
Instead of makin' love 
We both made our separate ways 

But now I hear you found somebody new 
And that I never meant that much to you 
To hear that tears me up inside 
And to see you cuts me like a knife 
I guess 

Every Mrs. ReGroup has it's thorn 
Just like every night has it's dawn 
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song 
Every Mrs. ReGroup has it's thorn


----------



## GutPunch

OK now i'm done

"Weird Al" Yankovic - One More Minute - YouTube


----------



## ReGroup

Lol.

PosOM needs to step up his game.

I would tell him what his future holds... But that wouldn't be fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Lol.
> 
> PosOM needs to step up his game.
> 
> I would tell him what his future holds... But that wouldn't be fun.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is he balding?


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Lol.
> 
> PosOM needs to step up his game.
> 
> I would tell him what his future holds... But that wouldn't be fun.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nah, let him find out for himself. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Is he balding?


I'll bet he's cheap.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Lol.
> 
> PosOM needs to step up his game.
> 
> I would tell him what his future holds... But that wouldn't be fun.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get him a gift.


----------



## smallsteps

Ceegee said:


> Get him a gift.



I shouldn't say this but that shirt is hysterical. Nice design!!


----------



## LongWalk

RG, have you ever considered earning extra money by helping childless couples? Not everyone wants a run of the donor.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## LongWalk

Run of the mill

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## ReGroup

Anyone have any good articles on BPD?

I haven't really familiarized myself it. I want to understand it better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Anyone have any good articles on BPD?
> 
> I haven't really familiarized myself it. I want to understand it better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Search Uptown in TAM. You'll find tons if info.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Anyone have any good articles on BPD?
> 
> I haven't really familiarized myself it. I want to understand it better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Untangling the skein of fvckupedness, as Chumplady would say?

Good luck!

http://chumplady.com/2012/06/untangling-the-skein-of-****upedness/


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> Untangling the skein of fvckupedness, as Chumplady would say?
> 
> Good luck!
> 
> http://chumplady.com/2012/06/untangling-the-skein-of-****upedness/


Loved it. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pbartender

ReGroup said:


> Anyone have any good articles on BPD?
> 
> I haven't really familiarized myself it. I want to understand it better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Start reading.


----------



## tom67

Pbartender said:


> Start reading.


Good link thanks.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

BPDfamily.com is another good one.

Borderlinewaif.com too.

But they all start to get redundant.


----------



## Ceegee

Check out this thread.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell-2.html


----------



## Mavash.

Giggled at the song lyrics.

Who is she trying to convince you or her?


----------



## zillard

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG:
> 
> It's been a while, I'm not who I was before
> You look surprised, your words don't burn me anymore
> Been meaning to tell you, but I guess it's clear to see
> Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
> Can't be bad, I found a brand new kind of free
> 
> Careful with your ego, he's the one that we should blame
> Had to grab my heart back
> God knows something had to change
> I thought that you'd be happy
> I found the one thing I need, why you mad
> It's just the brand new kind of me
> 
> It took a long long time to get here
> It took a brave, brave girl to try
> It took one too many excuses, one too many lies
> Don't be surprised, don't be surprised
> 
> If I talk a little louder
> If I speak up when you're wrong
> If I walk a little taller
> I've been under you too long
> If you noticed that I'm different
> Don't take it personally
> Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
> That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free
> 
> Oh, it took a long long road to get here
> It took a brave brave girl to try
> I've taken one too many excuses, one too many lies
> Don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised
> 
> Hey, if you were a friend, you want to get know me again
> If you were worth the while
> You'd be happy to see me smile
> I'm not expecting sorry
> I'm too busy finding myself
> I got this
> I found me, I found me, yeah
> I don't need your opinion
> I'm not waiting for your ok
> I'll never be perfect, but at least now I'm brave
> Now, my heart is open
> And I can finally breathe
> Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of free
> That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of me
> Don't be mad, it's a brand new time for me, yeah
> ------------------------------------------
> SMH
> 
> I wish I didn't have to ignore this.


The Vandals: The New You

Every time I call the old you, 
the new you answers the phone.
I would like to talk to old you, 
but the new you says you're not home

Well now you say that you like me, 
but you don't "like" like me.
And you say that you love me 
but you're not "in" love with me

And we should just be friends- 
but friends shouldn't treat other friends like that
you're not too friendly when you act like that. 
Should I smash your ****ing head with a baseball bat? 

And dig around the brains and goo
for something that looks like old you-


----------



## just got it 55

ReGroup said:


> Anyone have any good articles on BPD?
> 
> I haven't really familiarized myself it. I want to understand it better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG Why do you ask ?

I think I have an idea why:scratchhead:


----------



## Lifescript

RG, 

GO to a shrink4men.com

You'll find a ton of articles there.


----------



## Chuck71

just got it 55 said:


> Not for me I remember 86 and 03:scratchhead:


at the plate, teams were even

on the mound...they had 5 gunners

after RC and BH....there was Oil Can 

and pizza boxes

but they had it won.......I felt bad for one of

my childhood heroes.....Jim Rice


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> at the plate, teams were even
> 
> on the mound...they had 5 gunners
> 
> after RC and BH....there was Oil Can
> 
> and pizza boxes
> 
> but they had it won.......I felt bad for one of
> 
> my childhood heroes.....Jim Rice


I thought Boston had it won in 86-oops Bill Buckner ex cub just like Leon Duram 84 for the cubs. People had blac and white little tvs set up in HS after class. Cubs choked big time! This was after me mourning the 83 sox.Jim Rice was a beast!


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> View attachment 9073



STOP making fun of the South

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

that is "us suthurnurs jawb"


----------



## tom67

Sorry I was in memphis and tunica a while back, good times.


----------



## LongWalk

I don't know how they did it but the we were raised to believe the South was evil... when I think back to the books in the school library that glorified the frontier heroes, they read like propaganda because they were.

Sports heroes are made and broken on the stage, few of them are profoundly influential. When I was a kid I liked reading about Babe Ruth eating too many hotdogs... bet Lance Armstrong would have been a good doctor. He really studied the human body.

Hoping for good news from you RG and by that I mean progress. Will Mrs RG ever say sorry that she gave it to another man and played a cheater's mind games? No, probably not, but we are hanging for for the D and D4's liberation from her dictatorship.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> I thought Boston had it won in 86-oops Bill Buckner ex cub just like Leon Duram 84 for the cubs. People had blac and white little tvs set up in HS after class. Cubs choked big time! This was after me mourning the 83 sox.Jim Rice was a beast!


Cubs choking?

No way!

Durham was a Cardinal plant. Sabotage.


----------



## just got it 55

just got it 55 said:


> Not for me I remember 86 and 03:scratchhead:


I also remember

1967 Tony C & Carl Y

2004 The idiots

2007 

OH SH!T do I remember 2011


----------



## just got it 55

RG
How bout some Dominican baseball folklore 

Chico Esquella:
"Baseball been beddy beddy good to me"


----------



## Chuck71

Two ex-Cardinals are at it.... Pujols and Jack Clark

would love to be in that jury pool


----------



## Ceegee

How are you my man?


----------



## just got it 55

Damn RG What up Bro ?


----------



## Chuck71

Me thinks Group's D is all completed and QL was resoundingly 

thrown under the bus

the posom apologized, shook hands and left QL

to become a monk in Nepal

Group is in Aruba with a Belgian princess

and throws us crumbs bit by bit

when we spin the hamster wheel enough....

he posts an update


----------



## just got it 55

I have no explanation for this….But the POSOM seems like a non-factor!


----------



## just got it 55

I refuse to unsubscribe from this thread


----------



## LongWalk

just got it 55 said:


> I have no explanation for this….But the POSOM seems like a non-factor!


I have always wanted to read about the unlucky fellow. Works at her school. He cannot be the baseball coach.


----------



## just got it 55

LongWalk said:


> I have always wanted to read about the unlucky fellow. Works at her school. He cannot be the baseball coach.


Somehow I don't think he teaches rocket science either:scratchhead:

Perhaps he is the Drama Coach


----------



## Chuck71

I have $100 he is a guidance counselor. Just a hunch

We all know Group is flying high now

but it still may unleash anguish upon him

i was done with "window cork" when it was in final stretch

but it still hurt, no lie to tell

i just hope he is using good judgement


----------



## "joe"

hi ReGroup. fellow new yorker here, late to your thread. 


ReGroup said:


> Anyone have any good articles on BPD?
> 
> I haven't really familiarized myself it. I want to understand it better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Borderline Personality Disorder - Support group for families and relationship partners

from your first post:


> But this is my wife! She wouldn’t do anything wrong to me!


that's _exactly_ what i said to myself too


----------



## smallsteps

RG suggested a get together for us in this area but then disappeared. 

What's going on RG? You left a few of us hanging here....


----------



## manticore

ReGroup said:


> Mrs. RG:
> 
> It's been a while, I'm not who I was before
> You look surprised, your words don't burn me anymore
> Been meaning to tell you, but I guess it's clear to see
> Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
> Can't be bad, I found a brand new kind of free
> 
> Careful with your ego, he's the one that we should blame
> Had to grab my heart back
> God knows something had to change
> I thought that you'd be happy
> I found the one thing I need, why you mad
> It's just the brand new kind of me
> 
> It took a long long time to get here
> It took a brave, brave girl to try
> It took one too many excuses, one too many lies
> Don't be surprised, don't be surprised
> 
> If I talk a little louder
> If I speak up when you're wrong
> If I walk a little taller
> I've been under you too long
> If you noticed that I'm different
> Don't take it personally
> Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me
> That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free
> 
> Oh, it took a long long road to get here
> It took a brave brave girl to try
> I've taken one too many excuses, one too many lies
> Don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised
> 
> Hey, if you were a friend, you want to get know me again
> If you were worth the while
> You'd be happy to see me smile
> I'm not expecting sorry
> I'm too busy finding myself
> I got this
> I found me, I found me, yeah
> I don't need your opinion
> I'm not waiting for your ok
> I'll never be perfect, but at least now I'm brave
> Now, my heart is open
> And I can finally breathe
> Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of free
> That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of me
> Don't be mad, it's a brand new time for me, yeah
> ------------------------------------------
> SMH
> 
> I wish I didn't have to ignore this.



Man this show to me how much power you still have over here, you probably can bed her (not that you should) just with some sweet words, and acting like a POSOM.

your case is someway weird, she acts like if she were the BS who still wants to save the marriage if you just see and accept your wrong doings and you were WS in the fog who is hurting her and not thinking in your family and the bigger picture.

you will probably have the power to destroy any relationship she could have for some years (not that you should).

from my point of view even if she have validation from other men she does not have it from the one she needs it.

in her twisted mentallity you are probably the one she planned her life with and she gave everything she could (love, time, devotion, support, appreciation) and you never give her the love she asked in return, so even now that she has "moved on" is still starving from that validation from you, you are like the one that never was but it was supposed to be (in her mind).


----------



## just got it 55

:iagree::iagree:


manticore said:


> Man this show to me how much power you still have over here, you probably can bed her (not that you should) just with some sweet words, and acting like a POSOM.
> 
> your case is someway weird, she acts like if she were the BS who still wants to save the marriage if you just see and accept your wrong doings and you were WS in the fog who is hurting here and not thinking in your family and the bigger picture.
> 
> you will probably have the power to destroy any relationship she could have for some years (not that you should).
> 
> from my point of view aven if she have validation from other men she does not have it from the one she needs it.
> 
> in her twisted mentallity you are probably the one she planned her life with and she gave everything she could (love, time, devotion, support, appreciation) and you never give her the love she asked in return, so even now that she has "moved on" is still starving from that validation from you, you are like the one that never was but it was supposed to be (in her mind).


:iagree: Seems that way to me that's why I feel the POSOM is irrelevant


----------



## just got it 55

Ok now I am officially worried

I must have been the last poster on 10 threads


----------



## smallsteps

Not sure where he went. It's been real quiet on here


----------



## coachman

Only a cheap, balding, show stealing, f'ing azz notch could leave us all hanging...damn you RG.

Why didn't you fight for us????



jk


----------



## tom67

The court date from what I remember was today right?:scratchhead:


----------



## smallsteps

Was it?


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> Was it?


I'm pretty sure he said the 25th.


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> I'm pretty sure he said the 25th.


Maybe he'll fill us in when it's all over.


----------



## manticore

well wish him good luck


----------



## LongWalk

Great analysis of Mrs RG. Never forget his cousin planked her and she couldn't sleep all night

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## Conrad

coachman said:


> Only a cheap, balding, show stealing, f'ing azz notch could leave us all hanging...damn you RG.
> 
> Why didn't you fight for us????
> 
> 
> 
> jk


No doubt.

The Dominican Dandy and the *****s of Babylon.


----------



## Ceegee

Que Dios los perdonará a ustedes y preciosa L. Mejores deseos RG.


----------



## tom67

RG what's up my man?


----------



## Timetoletgo

Wow, what a great forum this is. I'm late to the game, I've read through page 57....putting me at the end of March. I've got to tell you though (feeling like a weird sort of time travel is happening, because I don't know the outcome or what's going on today, in October...) that this is SO helpful. I am the one filing...(any day now, just fine tuning the details) for divorce. And my stbxh is the one following the "cheaters script". The blame shifting (everything is my fault, should have been a better wife...) the projecting (as much as you talk about it I think you must have a boyfriend!) the gaslighting...that one is painful ( your crazy, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't know how she knows what's going on in our lives) everything that he has said....has been said before by different people in our same situation.
That...Makes me feel a lot better to know I am not alone in crazy land.
I have been using the," I'm sorry you feel that way" for a couple of days. And it is taking some of the steam out of his texts...(I guess he thinks I'm being truly remorseful and agreeing with him, idk)
I also have used the," I just can't fight for a marriage where there is another woman in it" to which there was a zero response. Like I did not even write that.
Thank you so much for the insights, this is helping me to get through this, and hope that however my journey turns out...I will be ok.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

Where are you, man?


----------



## smallsteps

He's been gone a while......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

He's moved on.


----------



## just got it 55

Ceegee said:


> He's moved on.


Damn Do we have to write our own ending

Starting with RG winning the lotto after divorce

Meets the woman of his dreams and his daughter tests out at 
MIT and graduates at 8 years old

ETA The Mets win the World Series 5 years in a row


----------



## smallsteps

just got it 55 said:


> Damn Do we have to write our own ending
> 
> Starting with RG winning the lotto after divorce
> 
> Meets the woman of his dreams and his daughter tests out at
> MIT and graduates at 8 years old
> 
> ETA The Mets win the World Series 5 years in a row


Let's not get ridiculous - the Mets win the World Series 5 years in a row? :rofl:


----------



## just got it 55

smallsteps said:


> Let's not get ridiculous - the Mets win the World Series 5 years in a row? :rofl:


That would be his fantacy

Go RED SOX


----------



## Nucking Futs

The rumor is that he's agreed to a polyamorous relationship with MrsRG and OM. There's a lot of hysterical bonding going on with the three of them, a donkey, a lathe, a couple of full garbage cans, an artificial christmas tree and an empty beer keg.

Really, that's the rumor.


----------



## just got it 55

Nucking Futs said:


> The rumor is that he's agreed to a polyamorous relationship with MrsRG and OM. There's a lot of hysterical bonding going on with the three of them, a donkey, a lathe, a couple of full garbage cans, an artificial christmas tree and an empty beer keg.
> 
> Really, that's the rumor.


Sounds cool but with all that other good stuff they have going on here Why the fvck would they need HB


----------



## Pbartender

Nucking Futs said:


> The rumor is that he's agreed to a polyamorous relationship with MrsRG and OM. There's a lot of hysterical bonding going on with the three of them, a donkey, a lathe, a couple of full garbage cans, an artificial christmas tree and an empty beer keg.
> 
> Really, that's the rumor.


This post is worthless without pictures.


----------



## smallsteps

just got it 55 said:


> That would be his fantacy
> 
> Go RED SOX


Sorry it would be a sacralidge for me to root for the Sox. I have to pull for the Cardinals here
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Timetoletgo

Well, I have to say...this is what I get for reading the last page. (So far) I'm on page 75 and this is a great informative thread. My divorce decree was filed today...my stbxh is blowing my phone up, wanting a verbal call from me instead of responses filtered free of emotion via text..it is hard to not go into doormat fixer mode. 

But...everybody learns eventually right?


----------



## Nucking Futs

Pbartender said:


> This post is worthless without pictures.


Here you go. One of the exhausted participants.


----------



## just got it 55

Nucking Futs said:


> Here you go. One of the exhausted participants.


Back in the day

I did her 

I think it was a her


----------



## smallsteps

Timetoletgo said:


> Well, I have to say...this is what I get for reading the last page. (So far) I'm on page 75 and this is a great informative thread. My divorce decree was filed today...my stbxh is blowing my phone up, wanting a verbal call from me instead of responses filtered free of emotion via text..it is hard to not go into doormat fixer mode.
> 
> But...everybody learns eventually right?


Ttlg- it looks like you have a story to tell here. Why don't you start your own thread on this forum?

I'm sure there are a lot of members out there that would be willing to share advice with you.


----------



## Ceegee

Nucking Futs said:


> The rumor is that he's agreed to a polyamorous relationship with MrsRG and OM. There's a lot of hysterical bonding going on with the three of them, a donkey, a lathe, a couple of full garbage cans, an artificial christmas tree and an empty beer keg.
> 
> Really, that's the rumor.


Hey, leave me out of this.


----------



## ReGroup

Update. Update. Update.

I have been meaning to catch up w/ The Tam community. So, here it goes. 

She was served on 10/02/2013 at her job. Like Mavi and 3x predicted she remained silent about it. I recall her giving me a certain stare that weekend. LOL

I haven’t seen much of her - communication has been limited. 

We have bumped heads a couple of times when I took her task for being late to pick up D4. She of coursed called me a bully and several other things. She lashed out another time, texting me upset because she has been hearing that I have told people we are already divorced. 

No, I didn’t respond to any of it.

10/25/2013 was our big court date for child support payments. 

The day prior my boss pulled me aside, gave me a few encouraging words, said a prayer for D4 and I, and gave me a big hug. For some reason, it settled me down and put me at complete ease.

I got up early, bought a new shirt, and got a haircut. 

Went to court prepared and ready for whatever outcome.

When I get there, Mrs. RG is sitting in the front row filling out forms. I take a seat a chair or so next to her. She greets me w/ a nervous smile and I say “Hello” as well. 

The court time was at 2, but in The South Bronx Family Court – things never go as scheduled. 

The atmosphere in the lobby of the courthouse was gloomy and sad, so, me being me… I decided to have fun with the situation. I was jovial, made light of the situation, and pulled out my arsenal of jokes - I had Mrs. RG cracking up.

Mrs. RG made mention: Who are you? I am going to end up dying younger because of this experience and you are here like nothing’s wrong. A part of me thinks you wanted this all along. I see you have finally taken my advice. Dressing nice. Your hair is growing back.

(I just smile)

Mrs. RG: Did we wait too long to break up? Was all of this necessary?

Me: Everything is playing out the way it’s supposed to.

Mrs. RG: Are you still in counseling?

RG: No.

Mrs. RG: Why not?

RG: Counselor said I was done and ready.

Mrs. RG: Now that you’re fixed, will you start complimenting me now? I hate what this has done to D4. Can we go out for drinks after this? 

RG: She’ll be fine. We will all be fine. 

She then gets up and heads to the bathroom. 

By the time she gets back I am chatting it up w/ several women behind us. We shared stories and they asked who I was there with. When I tell them I was there w/ Mrs. RG… they were in complete shock… being that I was joking around with her so much. 

Next thing you know, everyone is laughing and having a decent time – including Mrs. RG.

Just before we go in to see the judge, she tells me: You know I always felt I loved you more than you loved me right?

Me: I am sorry you feel that way J

Everything goes smoothly. I had the judge and security guard laughing. Mrs. RG was just shaking her head. It turns out Team RG had me paying 4 dollars more than I should have. 

After about 15 minutes, the judge asks us to come back in January to bring verification for D4’s after school program. 

We were also asked to wait back in the lobby to receive The Child Support order. 

Mrs. RG: You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?

RG: I am glad it’s almost over. 

Mrs. RG: Me too. I want some sort of closure. 

RG: I got closure a long time ago.

Mrs. RG: So where are we going after this?

So, we go to a pub to grab a drink and some food. 

We had a good time… she rambled on for what seemed like an hour: Her job, baseball, football, D4, etc…

I knew it was time to go when I gave her a “high five” as she requested and complained about it. She then asked me for a hug and complained about it not being affectionate enough. She even complained about not wanting to leave. 

I said, “I need to go.” Unfortunately for me… we had to take the same train together.

That’s when she started the crying, getting closer to me, talking about my legs???, whining “so many unfulfilled expectations”, asking me if I am dating my boss etc…

It was the first time we spent so much time together… She saw a different person – I didn’t get baited into any of it. And best of all, I am completely over our failed relationship.

I felt like thanking her actually.

Then, yesterday: 

Her: Hey, when can I expect the divorce papers from your attorney? Are we waiting on anything?

Me: He mailed it yesterday or will mail it today to my place. We are good to go.

Her: ok, so what needs to happen next? Why wouldn’t he have mailed it to me? Can you email me a copy of it for me to preview?

Me: I don't know. I asked him to mail it to me. I don't have it via email. I'll sign it and mail it to you

Her: can you ask him if he can email me a copy so that I can review it before I sign it. I’m sure we want this done ASAP...is the child support judgment included? 

Me: I spoke to him yesterday and earlier today - He's in court right now. I'll shoot him an email and request that he email you a copy.
It's a moot point. He's including the $xxx biweekly, etc... but Family Court is taking care of that going fwd. It doesn't matter what the settlement says.
If I get it Today, Thursday, or Friday - I will have it signed, you can do your part and mail it back to Team RG: xxx Broadway 9th Floor, NY, NY 1xxxx.

Her: If we are seeing each other On Saturday, can you just give it to me then and I can return it the following day....
Are there any surprises or are we in agreement with everything? 

Me: No, locked and loaded - everything is paid for and set.

Her: Thank you. Cool, just to clarify, is every other weekend for visitation indicated in the papers?

Me: No, as it was originally. 

Her: RG, I told you that I wouldn't agree to 3 out of 4....every other weekend but it can be negotiable, I won’t sign it unless we are in agreement. What are we going to do since we don't agree. You already have been seeing her every other weekend.

Me: Yeah and I am not ok with that. It was originally agreed that I would have her 3 out of 4 weekends. If we are in disagreement now, then... I'll consult with Team RG and plan our next course of action. We'll keep you updated.

Her: Yeah but when things started getting a little crazy I told you that I would be firm about the every other weekend. I never agreed to 3 out of 4 but instead gave me in order to make things work and go faster.

I stopped responding. 

Last laps on this journey. Will update daily from here on out.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Update. Update. Update.
> 
> I have been meaning to catch up w/ The Tam community. So, here it goes.
> 
> She was served on 10/02/2013 at her job. Like Mavi and 3x predicted she remained silent about it. I recall her giving me a certain stare that weekend. LOL
> 
> I haven’t seen much of her - communication has been limited.
> 
> We have bumped heads a couple of times when I took her task for being late to pick up D4. She of coursed called me a bully and several other things. She lashed out another time, texting me upset because she has been hearing that I have told people we are already divorced.
> 
> No, I didn’t respond to any of it.
> 
> 10/25/2013 was our big court date for child support payments.
> 
> The day prior my boss pulled me aside, gave me a few encouraging words, said a prayer for D4 and I, and gave me a big hug. For some reason, it settled me down and put me at complete ease.
> 
> I got up early, bought a new shirt, and got a haircut.
> 
> Went to court prepared and ready for whatever outcome.
> 
> When I get there, Mrs. RG is sitting in the front row filling out forms. I take a seat a chair or so next to her. She greets me w/ a nervous smile and I say “Hello” as well.
> 
> The court time was at 2, but in The South Bronx Family Court – things never go as scheduled.
> 
> The atmosphere in the lobby of the courthouse was gloomy and sad, so, me being me… I decided to have fun with the situation. I was jovial, made light of the situation, and pulled out my arsenal of jokes - I had Mrs. RG cracking up.
> 
> Mrs. RG made mention: Who are you? I am going to end up dying younger because of this experience and you are here like nothing’s wrong. A part of me thinks you wanted this all along. I see you have finally taken my advice. Dressing nice. Your hair is growing back.
> 
> (I just smile)
> 
> Mrs. RG: Did we wait too long to break up? Was all of this necessary?
> 
> Me: Everything is playing out the way it’s supposed to.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you still in counseling?
> 
> RG: No.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why not?
> 
> RG: Counselor said I was done and ready.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Now that you’re fixed, will you start complimenting me now? I hate what this has done to D4. Can we go out for drinks after this?
> 
> RG: She’ll be fine. We will all be fine.
> 
> She then gets up and heads to the bathroom.
> 
> By the time she gets back I am chatting it up w/ several women behind us. We shared stories and they asked who I was there with. When I tell them I was there w/ Mrs. RG… they were in complete shock… being that I was joking around with her so much.
> 
> Next thing you know, everyone is laughing and having a decent time – including Mrs. RG.
> 
> Just before we go in to see the judge, she tells me: You know I always felt I loved you more than you loved me right?
> 
> Me: I am sorry you feel that way J
> 
> Everything goes smoothly. I had the judge and security guard laughing. Mrs. RG was just shaking her head. It turns out Team RG had me paying 4 dollars more than I should have.
> 
> After about 15 minutes, the judge asks us to come back in January to bring verification for D4’s after school program.
> 
> We were also asked to wait back in the lobby to receive The Child Support order.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?
> 
> RG: I am glad it’s almost over.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Me too. I want some sort of closure.
> 
> RG: I got closure a long time ago.
> 
> Mrs. RG: So where are we going after this?
> 
> So, we go to a pub to grab a drink and some food.
> 
> We had a good time… she rambled on for what seemed like an hour: Her job, baseball, football, D4, etc…
> 
> I knew it was time to go when I gave her a “high five” as she requested and complained about it. She then asked me for a hug and complained about it not being affectionate enough. She even complained about not wanting to leave.
> 
> I said, “I need to go.” Unfortunately for me… we had to take the same train together.
> 
> That’s when she started the crying, getting closer to me, talking about my legs???, whining “so many unfulfilled expectations”, asking me if I am dating my boss etc…
> 
> It was the first time we spent so much time together… She saw a different person – I didn’t get baited into any of it. And best of all, I am completely over our failed relationship.
> 
> I felt like thanking actually.
> 
> Then, yesterday:
> 
> Her: Hey, when can I expect the divorce papers from your attorney? Are we waiting on anything?
> 
> Me: He mailed it yesterday or will mail it today to my place. We are good to go.
> 
> Her: ok, so what needs to happen next? Why wouldn’t he have mailed it to me? Can you email me a copy of it for me to preview?
> 
> Me: I don't know. I asked him to mail it to me. I don't have it via email. I'll sign it and mail it to you
> 
> Her: can you ask him if he can email me a copy so that I can review it before I sign it. I’m sure we want this done ASAP...is the child support judgment included?
> 
> Me: I spoke to him yesterday and earlier today - He's in court right now. I'll shoot him an email and request that he email you a copy.
> It's a moot point. He's including the $xxx biweekly, etc... but Family Court is taking care of that going fwd. It doesn't matter what the settlement says.
> If I get it Today, Thursday, or Friday - I will have it signed, you can do your part and mail it back to Team RG: xxx Broadway 9th Floor, NY, NY 1xxxx.
> 
> Her: If we are seeing each other On Saturday, can you just give it to me then and I can return it the following day....
> Are there any surprises or are we in agreement with everything?
> 
> Me: No, locked and loaded - everything is paid for and set.
> 
> Her: Thank you. Cool, just to clarify, is every other weekend for visitation indicated in the papers?
> 
> Me: No, as it was originally.
> 
> Her: RG, I told you that I wouldn't agree to 3 out of 4....every other weekend but it can be negotiable, I won’t sign it unless we are in agreement. What are we going to do since we don't agree. You already have been seeing her every other weekend.
> 
> Me: Yeah and I am not ok with that. It was originally agreed that I would have her 3 out of 4 weekends. If we are in disagreement now, then... I'll consult with Team RG and plan our next course of action. We'll keep you updated.
> 
> Her: Yeah but when things started getting a little crazy I told you that I would be firm about the every other weekend. I never agreed to 3 out of 4 but instead gave me in order to make things work and go faster.
> 
> I stopped responding.
> 
> Last laps on this journey. Will update daily from here on out.


Great to hear from you RG.

Glad you are in a good place.


----------



## Conrad

RG,

I'll have your cap and gown ready.

I figured when you went silent things were going great.

She sounds like she's still the same.


----------



## MEM2020

RG,
RG, Can you also walk on water. And I don't mean mid-winter. Can you walk on water during the summer? 

This is inspirational. Now I get why your counselor said you were done. 





ReGroup said:


> Update. Update. Update.
> 
> I have been meaning to catch up w/ The Tam community. So, here it goes.
> 
> She was served on 10/02/2013 at her job. Like Mavi and 3x predicted she remained silent about it. I recall her giving me a certain stare that weekend. LOL
> 
> I haven’t seen much of her - communication has been limited.
> 
> We have bumped heads a couple of times when I took her task for being late to pick up D4. She of coursed called me a bully and several other things. She lashed out another time, texting me upset because she has been hearing that I have told people we are already divorced.
> 
> No, I didn’t respond to any of it.
> 
> 10/25/2013 was our big court date for child support payments.
> 
> The day prior my boss pulled me aside, gave me a few encouraging words, said a prayer for D4 and I, and gave me a big hug. For some reason, it settled me down and put me at complete ease.
> 
> I got up early, bought a new shirt, and got a haircut.
> 
> Went to court prepared and ready for whatever outcome.
> 
> When I get there, Mrs. RG is sitting in the front row filling out forms. I take a seat a chair or so next to her. She greets me w/ a nervous smile and I say “Hello” as well.
> 
> The court time was at 2, but in The South Bronx Family Court – things never go as scheduled.
> 
> The atmosphere in the lobby of the courthouse was gloomy and sad, so, me being me… I decided to have fun with the situation. I was jovial, made light of the situation, and pulled out my arsenal of jokes - I had Mrs. RG cracking up.
> 
> Mrs. RG made mention: Who are you? I am going to end up dying younger because of this experience and you are here like nothing’s wrong. A part of me thinks you wanted this all along. I see you have finally taken my advice. Dressing nice. Your hair is growing back.
> 
> (I just smile)
> 
> Mrs. RG: Did we wait too long to break up? Was all of this necessary?
> 
> Me: Everything is playing out the way it’s supposed to.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Are you still in counseling?
> 
> RG: No.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Why not?
> 
> RG: Counselor said I was done and ready.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Now that you’re fixed, will you start complimenting me now? I hate what this has done to D4. Can we go out for drinks after this?
> 
> RG: She’ll be fine. We will all be fine.
> 
> She then gets up and heads to the bathroom.
> 
> By the time she gets back I am chatting it up w/ several women behind us. We shared stories and they asked who I was there with. When I tell them I was there w/ Mrs. RG… they were in complete shock… being that I was joking around with her so much.
> 
> Next thing you know, everyone is laughing and having a decent time – including Mrs. RG.
> 
> Just before we go in to see the judge, she tells me: You know I always felt I loved you more than you loved me right?
> 
> Me: I am sorry you feel that way J
> 
> Everything goes smoothly. I had the judge and security guard laughing. Mrs. RG was just shaking her head. It turns out Team RG had me paying 4 dollars more than I should have.
> 
> After about 15 minutes, the judge asks us to come back in January to bring verification for D4’s after school program.
> 
> We were also asked to wait back in the lobby to receive The Child Support order.
> 
> Mrs. RG: You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?
> 
> RG: I am glad it’s almost over.
> 
> Mrs. RG: Me too. I want some sort of closure.
> 
> RG: I got closure a long time ago.
> 
> Mrs. RG: So where are we going after this?
> 
> So, we go to a pub to grab a drink and some food.
> 
> We had a good time… she rambled on for what seemed like an hour: Her job, baseball, football, D4, etc…
> 
> I knew it was time to go when I gave her a “high five” as she requested and complained about it. She then asked me for a hug and complained about it not being affectionate enough. She even complained about not wanting to leave.
> 
> I said, “I need to go.” Unfortunately for me… we had to take the same train together.
> 
> That’s when she started the crying, getting closer to me, talking about my legs???, whining “so many unfulfilled expectations”, asking me if I am dating my boss etc…
> 
> It was the first time we spent so much time together… She saw a different person – I didn’t get baited into any of it. And best of all, I am completely over our failed relationship.
> 
> I felt like thanking actually.
> 
> Then, yesterday:
> 
> Her: Hey, when can I expect the divorce papers from your attorney? Are we waiting on anything?
> 
> Me: He mailed it yesterday or will mail it today to my place. We are good to go.
> 
> Her: ok, so what needs to happen next? Why wouldn’t he have mailed it to me? Can you email me a copy of it for me to preview?
> 
> Me: I don't know. I asked him to mail it to me. I don't have it via email. I'll sign it and mail it to you
> 
> Her: can you ask him if he can email me a copy so that I can review it before I sign it. I’m sure we want this done ASAP...is the child support judgment included?
> 
> Me: I spoke to him yesterday and earlier today - He's in court right now. I'll shoot him an email and request that he email you a copy.
> It's a moot point. He's including the $xxx biweekly, etc... but Family Court is taking care of that going fwd. It doesn't matter what the settlement says.
> If I get it Today, Thursday, or Friday - I will have it signed, you can do your part and mail it back to Team RG: xxx Broadway 9th Floor, NY, NY 1xxxx.
> 
> Her: If we are seeing each other On Saturday, can you just give it to me then and I can return it the following day....
> Are there any surprises or are we in agreement with everything?
> 
> Me: No, locked and loaded - everything is paid for and set.
> 
> Her: Thank you. Cool, just to clarify, is every other weekend for visitation indicated in the papers?
> 
> Me: No, as it was originally.
> 
> Her: RG, I told you that I wouldn't agree to 3 out of 4....every other weekend but it can be negotiable, I won’t sign it unless we are in agreement. What are we going to do since we don't agree. You already have been seeing her every other weekend.
> 
> Me: Yeah and I am not ok with that. It was originally agreed that I would have her 3 out of 4 weekends. If we are in disagreement now, then... I'll consult with Team RG and plan our next course of action. We'll keep you updated.
> 
> Her: Yeah but when things started getting a little crazy I told you that I would be firm about the every other weekend. I never agreed to 3 out of 4 but instead gave me in order to make things work and go faster.
> 
> I stopped responding.
> 
> Last laps on this journey. Will update daily from here on out.


----------



## tom67

You did great!

I like how you didn't waiver on visitation.
:smthumbup:


----------



## GutPunch

"She'll be fine. We will all be fine."

Can't say it any better than that. 

Congrats, ReGroup


----------



## smallsteps

Glad to see you're doing so well RG. 

Welcome back!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> You did great!
> 
> I like how you didn't waiver on visitation.
> :smthumbup:


He's not ok with that.


----------



## happyman64

Wow RG

Glad you are doing ok.

Sounds like your wife is still a needy mess. 

Stay firm on the time with your daughter.

Keep moving forward. You are almost there.

HM


----------



## 06Daddio08

Good for you RG. Best of luck in the future.


----------



## Lifescript

Good to see you back RG. Good observation on your part when you were at the bar. She can fake it for a little bit but as you saw the real crazy her comes out sooner or later and then ... you exit. 

Good!


----------



## just got it 55

Just as I said The OM is a non-entity

Graduated with High Honors RG

Top of the class well done young man

55

ETA: If this is how it went down *NO WAY SHE IS OVER YOU*


----------



## Nucking Futs

just got it 55 said:


> ETA: If this is how it went down *NO WAY SHE IS OVER YOU*


Good. Let her twist in the wind.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks everyone for the support. Couldn't have made it to this point w out you guys - no really.

Team RG called today requesting paystubs from each party. I fwd'd the message to Mrs. RG and she questioned the motive.
She has a point: It's already court ordered, why submit that documentation?

Whatever, I told her: ask him.

I guess that will delay things a bit.

Mrs. RG's bday tomorrow. 33, Chips and Mavi's Golden Year for necessary adjustments in life - lets wish her nothing but the best: D4 is counting on it.

I'm glad to be back. I really enjoy this place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Thanks everyone for the support. Couldn't have made it to this point w out you guys - no really.
> 
> Team RG called today requesting paystubs from each party. I fwd'd the message to Mrs. RG and she questioned the motive.
> She has a point: It's already court ordered, why submit that documentation?
> 
> Whatever, I told her: ask him.
> 
> I guess that will delay things a bit.
> 
> Mrs. RG's bday tomorrow. 33, Chips and Mavi's Golden Year for necessary adjustments in life - lets wish her nothing but the best: D4 is counting on it.
> 
> I'm glad to be back. I really enjoy this place.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She still can't believe you're not kissing her ass.

I think it's hilarious.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> She still can't believe you're not kissing her ass.
> 
> I think it's hilarious.


Chip, first of all - sorry about your Cardinals. I thought about you during the series. You are like Yadier Molina mentoring us less experienced ball players.

And I agree w you. She sends Momma RG photos of D4 in costume today but not me. 

I was a little hopeful that last Friday was a right step towards a little harmony. Wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Chip, first of all - sorry about your Cardinals. I thought about you during the series. You are like Yadier Molina mentoring us less experienced ball players.
> 
> And I agree w you. She sends Momma RG photos of D4 in costume today but not me.
> 
> I was a little hopeful that last Friday was a right step towards a little harmony. Wrong.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Never expect it and you'll never be disappointed.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip, first of all - sorry about your Cardinals. I thought about you during the series. You are like Yadier Molina mentoring us less experienced ball players.
> 
> And I agree w you. She sends Momma RG photos of D4 in costume today but not me.
> 
> I was a little hopeful that last Friday was a right step towards a little harmony. Wrong.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, absolutely not.

If anything, she's more resolute in trying to get to you.

Next time she says, "This is what you wanted all along", you merely look back and say, "It didn't start that way - but this year forced me to grow up."

And go silent.


----------



## Conrad

As far as the Cardinals go.

They had a great season. They've got the best group of young pitchers I've ever seen.

Yet, their front office was very complacent and the playoffs exposed them a bit.

They need a real shortstop and a real centerfielder. They also need to decide if Adams is worth investing in as an everyday first baseman or if his playoff struggles indicate he will never be a star.

And, how the mighty have fallen.

David Freese sure got old fast.

He's got to go.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> Oh, absolutely not.
> 
> If anything, she's more resolute in trying to get to you.
> 
> Next time she says, "This is what you wanted all along", you merely look back and say, "It didn't start that way - but this year forced me to grow up."
> 
> And go silent.


I'm taking note of this as well.


----------



## just got it 55

Conrad said:


> As far as the Cardinals go.
> 
> They had a great season. They've got the best group of young pitchers I've ever seen.
> 
> Yet, their front office was very complacent and the playoffs exposed them a bit.
> 
> They need a real shortstop and a real centerfielder. They also need to decide if Adams is worth investing in as an everyday first baseman or if his playoff struggles indicate he will never be a star.
> 
> And, how the mighty have fallen.
> 
> David Freese sure got old fast.
> 
> He's got to go.


It's so ironic that the two teams with the best record are saying the same thing

In Boston they are saying many players have to go


----------



## just got it 55

Conrad said:


> Oh, absolutely not.
> 
> If anything, she's more resolute in trying to get to you.
> 
> Next time she says, "This is what you wanted all along", you merely look back and say, "It didn't start that way - but this year forced me to grow up."
> 
> And go silent.


Yes RG she has been jolted don't you know

Wow


----------



## smallsteps

just got it 55 said:


> It's so ironic that the two teams with the best record are saying the same thing
> 
> In Boston they are saying many players have to go


It's what every team says at the end of every season.

For these two teams, their seasons just ended.

Let the speculation begin!!!


----------



## Lifescript

I think Boston doesn't need to make many changes. 

RG, 

The Mets should follow Boston's approach in free agency, low term deals to good players with winning attitudes. No 100+ million contracts.


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> I think Boston doesn't need to make many changes.
> 
> RG,
> 
> The Mets should follow Boston's approach in free agency, low term deals to good players with winning attitudes. No 100+ million contracts.


You have to grow your own to make that happen.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> You have to grow your own to make that happen.


With the cardinals rich farm system they will likely be playoff bound for quite a few years.


----------



## Lifescript

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> You have to grow your own to make that happen.


Harvey, Wheeler, Sindergard. They have some arms in the minors. And the catcher they got in the ****ey trade. Don't you rain on my parade Conrad!!!


----------



## Conrad

Lifescript said:


> Harvey, Wheeler, Sindergard. They have some arms in the minors. And the catcher they got in the ****ey trade. Don't you rain on my parade Conrad!!!


If you grow your own, you can extend them through buying out some of their arbitration eligible years.

For instance, Allen Craig... you know the guy that hits .450 with RISP.

He had 2-3 more arb-eligible years (team control), so the Cardinals signed him for 5 years 31 million.

He'll outproduce Pujols by a wide margin in those years and Pujols cost the Angels 10 years - 240 million.

The BoSox are going to let Ellsbury walk now that he's one of those guys that can get 150-175 million.


----------



## ReGroup

manticore said:


> Man this show to me how much power you still have over here, you probably can bed her (not that you should) just with some sweet words, and acting like a POSOM.
> 
> your case is someway weird, she acts like if she were the BS who still wants to save the marriage if you just see and accept your wrong doings and you were WS in the fog who is hurting her and not thinking in your family and the bigger picture.
> 
> you will probably have the power to destroy any relationship she could have for some years (not that you should).
> 
> from my point of view even if she have validation from other men she does not have it from the one she needs it.
> 
> in her twisted mentallity you are probably the one she planned her life with and she gave everything she could (love, time, devotion, support, appreciation) and you never give her the love she asked in return, so even now that she has "moved on" is still starving from that validation from you, you are like the one that never was but it was supposed to be (in her mind).


I think you make valid points - it's why it took a very long to forgive myself. I didn't know any better. I wasn't ready to be the man that I should have been at the time. 

We both made mistakes. I own mine, we will see if she'll own hers when she is ever ready.

Chip once posted the essential components in a relationship - His and Her needs a few months back and I measured poor in a few categories. Still doesn't excuse how she went about her business.

Mrs. RG was once again late for the exchange.

She had requested a later exchange due to D4 going to bed very late. I agreed to it. She still showed up half an hour late.

I took her to task for it. 

She blamed D4 and mentioned me being late one time in The Summer.

I said: She's a kid. I then walked away.

She then texts: Please don't be rude to me especially if I'm not being rude to you. 

It's been a growing theme recently. I won't put up with it. Not anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ms. GP

Being 30 minutes late IS being rude to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Ms. GP said:


> Being 30 minutes late IS being rude to you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The respectful thing to do would be giving a heads up.


----------



## LongWalk

Limerick 7 *BPD therapy exercise*

There once was an adulterous young mutha
who had a tongue like ghetto brotha.
"No evil sperm in me!
"I am azz nozzle free!"
Her husband laughed: "A las she do belong to anotha."

That was back July. 

ReGroup,

Amazing. The now that you understand yourself and her so much better, she is so pleased with you. No doubt she feels very cheated that she did so much work to improve you and she gets no reward for it.

All the former Mrs RG can think about now is your legs – what did you do, Brazilian wax them before court? – and one liners. You must be killing OM's sex life now.


----------



## Chuck71

smallsteps said:


> It's what every team says at the end of every season.
> 
> For these two teams, their seasons just ended.
> 
> Let the speculation begin!!!


Congratulations Boston Red Sox!

2004 was for the past

2007 was for the present

2013 is for the future

Boston Strong


----------



## Chuck71

Group....here is a Bill and Ted "Excellent!" to you

looks like all four of us made it.....far cry from a year ago

year ago today was my DDay.....there was no light, just a black hole

thankfully that was in a galaxy....far far away



DIVORCE WARS

Episode IV: The Exodus of Window Cork


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Group....here is a Bill and Ted "Excellent!" to you
> 
> looks like all four of us made it.....far cry from a year ago
> 
> year ago today was my DDay.....there was no light, just a black hole
> 
> thankfully that was in a galaxy....far far away
> 
> 
> 
> DIVORCE WARS
> 
> Episode IV: The Exodus of Window Cork


The Class of 2012!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I just read the Child Support Order, received yesterday.

Its ordering that I pay way more than what The Judge ordered. SMH.

The figures make no sense. None what's so ever. 

I emailed Team RG just now.

I'll be barely scraping by if this stands. Our next court date is on 1/27th.

Christmas is cancelled. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I just read the Child Support Order, received yesterday.
> 
> Its ordering that I pay way more than what The Judge ordered. SMH.
> 
> The figures make no sense. None what's so ever.
> 
> I emailed Team RG just now.
> 
> I'll be barely scraping by if this stands. Our next court date is on 1/27th.
> 
> Christmas is cancelled. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Men are always at risk if they live in New York.


----------



## ReGroup

Went for a LongWalk and the anger, concern, fear... Rolled off my back. 

I'll pay what's demanded and address it when the time comes.

F' it, I don't lose. I'll rebudget, move money around and live well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Went for a LongWalk and the anger, concern, fear... Rolled off my back.
> 
> I'll pay what's demanded and address it when the time comes.
> 
> F' it, I don't lose. I'll rebudget, move money around and live well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Where'd the child support order come from?


----------



## Nucking Futs

Conrad said:


> Where'd the child support order come from?


I'm wondering that too. Either I'm reading it wrong or a judge ordered a certain amount but there's a different amount in the written order? Or is this figure something that she changed in the order and sent back to you?:scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

Nucking Futs said:


> I'm wondering that too. Either I'm reading it wrong or a judge ordered a certain amount but there's a different amount in the written order? Or is this figure something that she changed in the order and sent back to you?:scratchhead:


There's nothing she won't do when it comes to money.


----------



## ReGroup

It came from Bronx Family Court.

She gave the judge an unverified $$$ of what she's paying for D4s after school program and i got hit with it.

In January she must bring verification. We make about the same money and I am paying for more than 60%.

On a lighter note - she got to the exchange on point.

Even saw a pep in her step to make the mark.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> It came from Bronx Family Court.
> 
> She gave the judge an unverified $$$ of what she's paying for D4s after school program and i got hit with it.
> 
> In January she must bring verification. We make about the same money and I am paying for more than 60%.
> 
> On a lighter note - she got to the exchange on point.
> 
> Even saw a pep in her step to make the mark.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't understand issuing such an order on an unverified sum.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Conrad said:


> I don't understand issuing such an order on an unverified sum.


Me either. But she's going to have to justify it in 2 months and she won't be able to. Will she have to pay back the difference?


----------



## Conrad

Nucking Futs said:


> Me either. But she's going to have to justify it in 2 months and she won't be able to. Will she have to pay back the difference?


Of course not.

It's New York.


----------



## tom67

Have your lawyer file an emergency motion if you can.

Unreal unverified income? WTF!


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Have your lawyer file an emergency motion if you can.
> 
> Unreal unverified income? WTF!


New York.

As Script's soon to be "X", said, "I have a vagina, I can get what I want"


----------



## tom67

Illinois has some "primary residence" thing where my buddy is still paying 14,000 a year to her they do 50/50 and she makes more than him.
His 12 yr old son asks why is she still taking money from dad she says "the state is making me do it."lol

My x and I settled out of court.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Illinois has some "primary residence" thing where my buddy is still paying 14,000 a year to her they do 50/50 and she makes more than him.
> His 12 yr old son asks why is she still taking money from dad she says "the state is making me do it."lol
> 
> My x and settled out of court.


She a Flub fan?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> She a Flub fan?


Could beshe is an absolute b!tch.

The guy's father died sat.
Wake on tues funeral wed real aggressive cancer.
Sister and I called him uncle Jack.
The b!tch will try to find a way to keep his kid from one of those days.
She has done it before.


----------



## tom67

Sorry for the threadjack.

RG please talk to your lawyer I would not take this lying down.

If he says it is what it is fine but at least try.


----------



## Conrad

One more thing RG...

I wouldn't trust her for one instant on "verifying" this amount.

Pay what you need to pay to confirm it yourself - and submit it to the judge

Do not tell her you are doing this.


----------



## Pbartender

tom67 said:


> Illinois has some "primary residence" thing where my buddy is still paying 14,000 a year to her they do 50/50 and she makes more than him.
> His 12 yr old son asks why is she still taking money from dad she says "the state is making me do it."lol


According to the rules of Illinois, child support is a right of the _children_, not the _parents_, and it is a right that cannot be waived by the parents, the children or anyone else. Under the right circumstances, and with permission from the judge, however, the decision as to who pays child support and how much can be "reserved" -- indefinitely postponed -- effectively waiving child support, being leaving open the option to reinstate it.

Now, regardless of the time spent with the kids, typically Illinois requires to have parent designated with "residential custody" of the kids... It's the home where the kids will have their permanent address for the purposes of record keeping. Unless the settlement agreements designate otherwise, that parent is the one who gets the child support and any other financial benefits of supporting kids, like tax deductions and such.

So, yeah, the state is making him, but... In reality, a judge will allow anything that you and your STBX agree to, and that the judge thinks is fair. And sometimes, if you make a good argument, the judge will even allow something your STBX doesn't exactly agree to.

It's very likely that the only reason the state is making your buddy pay that much is because your buddy is letting the state make him him pay that much.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Even saw a pep in her step to make the mark.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course she has a pep in her step.

She just got a raise.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Of course she has a pep in her step.
> 
> She just got a raise.


Lol. I can't knock her hustle. 

Can't b*tch about it. I'll have my time in court again in January.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Lol. I can't knock her hustle.
> 
> Can't b*tch about it. I'll have my time in court again in January.


Where'd you spend your time away from TAM?

The mountains of Tibet?


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Where'd you spend your time away from TAM?
> 
> The mountains of Tibet?


----------



## tom67

Pbartender said:


> According to the rules of Illinois, child support is a right of the _children_, not the _parents_, and it is a right that cannot be waived by the parents, the children or anyone else. Under the right circumstances, and with permission from the judge, however, the decision as to who pays child support and how much can be "reserved" -- indefinitely postponed -- effectively waiving child support, being leaving open the option to reinstate it.
> 
> Now, regardless of the time spent with the kids, typically Illinois requires to have parent designated with "residential custody" of the kids... It's the home where the kids will have their permanent address for the purposes of record keeping. Unless the settlement agreements designate otherwise, that parent is the one who gets the child support and any other financial benefits of supporting kids, like tax deductions and such.
> 
> So, yeah, the state is making him, but... In reality, a judge will allow anything that you and your STBX agree to, and that the judge thinks is fair. And sometimes, if you make a good argument, the judge will even allow something your STBX doesn't exactly agree to.
> 
> It's very likely that the only reason the state is making your buddy pay that much is because your buddy is letting the state make him him pay that much.


That's what I told him.
Stop complaining and get a hearing date and go from there.
It's better than just wallowing on the pity pot.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Last laps on this journey. Will update daily from here on out.



Daily? :rofl:

you still seeing that cheerleaders for the Jets?


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Daily? :rofl:
> 
> you still seeing that cheerleaders for the Jets?


Here you go Chucky...LOL

Today or is it today? Certainly this week – marks a year that I found the emails and pictures of Mrs. RG and her new man: Boy, did they look happy. 

I found the pictures and emails on her Ipad. We had been separated for a few months. I would stay at our place (at the time) on weekends very frequently. I had a gut feeling of what was going on but I didn’t have the proof. 

A week prior to D-day, by the corner of my eyes, I saw her putting her pin on her Ipad and remembered the code. 

I knew I would get my shot at the evidence I needed to start moving forward sooner or later. 

_Side Note: She had texted me a few days after her birthday 11/1 that she had an “epiphany” – that our relationship should end. She claimed I was unable to produce an emotional connection with her and didn’t magically create fireworks during our separation. 

She claims to have seen a movie w/ Gerard Butler – his character in the movie went HAM (Hard As a Mother F*cka) to get is mate back. In her mind, I did the opposite. 

I didn’t respond to the “epiphany” text – she got angry that I didn’t and texted, “see, you don’t care” the following day. _
On D-day, I got up extra early to make sure she was still sleeping. I take the pad and sneak into the bathroom – enter the bathroom and fwd everything I needed to my email. I take a shower, get dressed and go off to work. 

I fwd the emails to key people that I trusted and that was that. 

I was numb but I wasn’t upset. I was relieved that I finally got hands on what I needed to know. She of course notices the sent emails and tries to lie about the situation: phone calls, voice mails, text messages, and emails. I didn’t respond. She took the day off of work, blowing up my phone. 

I didn’t reach out to her until the next day – all she did was deny, deny, and deny. 

A month later, I started my TAM journey and slow recovery.

_Prior to TAM, I:

Went from 195lbs of solid muscle to 180lbs… 6 feet tall, at 180lbs, looking sick.
I looked like a zombie during the Summer of 2012. 
Had D3 (at the time) every weekend. While Mrs. RG was running rampant. 
My work struggled. 
Sleeping patterns were shot.
Spent most of my time as a lurker on TAM – following spun's journal and a few others. 

From what I can remember, I was accused of: conning her into marriage, conning her into having a kid, a cheat, having Asperger’s, being evil, treating her like sh*t our first 7 years and her being miserable the following 2 years etc..._
I want to smack RG, before he became RG… But I wouldn’t change one damn thing.

Didn’t love or respect myself? You betcha!

A year later, I am still legally married but I am completely DONE – w/ her and the old me.

But I feel like I still have work to do.


----------



## happyman64

RG

We all have work to do on ourselves. That is what life is about.

The trials and tribulations you have gone through will change you or the way you act.

But these trials will not define you. As you long as you do not let them.

Keep being you and working on yourself.

HM


----------



## happyman64

By the way that Gerard Butler movie flopped.

Your STBXW could have used a better movie as an example.

Yes she is retarded.


----------



## Ceegee

RG,

Your tone since coming back from your sabbatical has changed.

You seem confident, secure and sure of yourself.

Proud of you.


----------



## smallsteps

You've come a long way RG, be proud of that. Yes you still have work to do, we are humans. Our situations and ourselves are constantly changing which means we constantly have to learn and adapt. It's an ongoing thing.

Our experiences and the way we deal with them makes us who we are at the present moment.

As long as you keep moving forward, you'll do alright.


----------



## tom67

smallsteps said:


> You've come a long way RG, be proud of that. Yes you still have work to do, we are humans. Our situations and ourselves are constantly changing which means we constantly have to learn and adapt. It's an ongoing thing.
> 
> Our experiences and the way we deal with them makes us who we are at the present moment.
> 
> As long as you keep moving forward, you'll do alright.


We all make mistakes.
The ones that learn from them are the ones that grow and become better people.
Like from an old kansas song he says "if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know"
hat little phrase fits quite well.
Here is that song
Kansas - Carry On My Wayward Son LYRICS HQ - YouTube


----------



## smallsteps

tom67 said:


> We all make mistakes.
> The ones that learn from them are the ones that grow and become better people.
> Like from an old kansas song he says "if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know"
> hat little phrase fits quite well.
> Here is that song
> Kansas - Carry On My Wayward Son LYRICS HQ - YouTube


Love that song, I heard it on the radio in the car yesterday lol


----------



## ReGroup

Mrs. RG: What ever happened to the settlement papers?

RG: Contact Team RG, he’ll answer any of you questions. You are supposed to fax him your W-2’s as I told you 2 weeks ago.

Mrs. RG: RG, I don’t think your attorney would “assist” me. It’s conflict of interest. You don’t know why he needs my W-2’s?

RG: Feel free to call him. He stated that he needed your W-2’s. It’s neither to hurt or help you. He needs your information to carry things out. 

Mrs. RG: But he wouldn’t need it for the settlement papers. Is he trying to calculate numbers for support?

RG: Again, ask him. If you feel uncomfortable with it, seek legal advice.

Mrs. RG: Awesome. Thank you RG. (sarcastically of course)

An hour later

Mrs. RG: Aside from the W2 which isn’t needed for the settlement papers, were supposed to bring them to me for review? Is this ever going to get underway???

SMH


----------



## LongWalk

How is your daughter holding up?


----------



## LongWalk

How is your daughter holding up?


----------



## happyman64

RG

Make a date with your wife.

Tell her to bring the W2's with her and you will both sit down with your attorney.

Take her by her hand and treat her like the child she is.

And oh yes.

Tell her to have the OM watch your kid for her.

They all live together so it should be no big deal.

Accept none of her excuses and get it done.

HM


----------



## smallsteps

Sounds like she doesn't want you or team RG to see those W-2's. 

It's called full disclosure. Maybe she should look up the definition.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Sounds like she doesn't want you or team RG to see those W-2's.
> 
> It's called full disclosure. Maybe she should look up the definition.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What in the world would have happened if we actually had assets etc...? This would have carried out into 2015.

I told her she could call Team RG 2 weeks ago. 

I think The HM approach needs to be taken seriously.

When her exlawyer requested my W-2s, I faxed them over the same day.

LW, my daughter is sick Again. Bad Cold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

I was serious.

Your STBXW is a mess.

Someday you might just thank god she is with someone else. And not on Team RG.......


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Why doesn't Team RG send ExMrsRG a certified demand letter, stating that her W2's are needed in order to complete the settlement papers?

I still remain baffled at your lawyer's inefficiency. 

ExMrsRG is getting your money now, right? What motivation is there for her to be cooperative?


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Why doesn't Team RG send ExMrsRG a certified demand letter, stating that her W2's are needed in order to complete the settlement papers?
> 
> I still remain baffled at your lawyer's inefficiency.
> 
> ExMrsRG is getting your money now, right? What motivation is there for her to be cooperative?


If you want this over with ASAP follow this advice. It will cost you your time and money. A few hundy for a demand letter. 

For all intents and purposes, you're done minus the final paperwork. Just wait her out and let her incur the cost of getting it completed. Maybe she'll learn something along the way.


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> Our next court date is on 1/27th.


RG said this earlier and that makes me assume he and his attorney are on it.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> RG said this earlier and that makes me assume he and his attorney are on it.


Nice to see you on the thread again Mavi. I was getting worried.

We got this.

Originally, I hired Team RG for negotiation purposes.

Once I found out her lawyer dropped her - I hired Team RG to prepare everything as RG "The Petitioner": write the settlement and handle everything that comes w it. 

CG, in my mind and heart... I am divorced. I just need to find a hot smoking woman like you did 

HM, I am happy about everything. I am you, The 2.0 version. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Nice to see you on the thread again Mavi. I was getting worried.
> 
> We got this.
> 
> Originally, I hired Team RG for negotiation purposes.
> 
> Once I found out her lawyer dropped her - I hired Team RG to prepare everything as RG "The Petitioner": write the settlement and handle everything that comes w it.
> 
> CG, in my mind and heart... I am divorced. I just need to find a hot smoking woman like you did
> 
> HM, I am happy about everything. I am you, The 2.0 version. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're in for a huge surprise about single women our age. 

Huge.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> You're in for a huge surprise about single women our age.
> 
> Huge.


CG, I am slowly realizing this fact. I am sensing it. 

The weekend was an adventure. I had D4 and she was sick: fever, cold and a horrible cough.

I was given a heads up about it but it got worse as the weekend progressed.

I father'd up and got on my duties... Taking care of the young'n. We scrapped plans and bunkered down. 

D4, usually doesn't like answering to her mother's phone calls - I usually pick it up and have her talk to Mrs. RG.
This time, because of the circumstances... I hesitated to call back.

I text: Hey, D4 doesn't wish to talk.

Mrs. RG spins it, "Why do you try to hurt me. Their are many D4 doesn't wish to talk to you and I explain that she needs to tell you that herself."

I state: only reason I responded w/o a call back is because she's terribly sick. I'll just have her call you back next time. No big deal.

She requested if she could pick her up, questioned the medicine I gave her, blah blah...

I replied: No, she's in good hands.

Next day D4 woke up good as new...

Mrs. RG sent D4 to me w a homework assignment. I am not going to lie, I wasn't looking forward to it.

Sometime around Sunday Morning, I tell D4, "Lets get to work"...

To my surprise, we have the most amazing time doing homework. D4 learned how to say "thank you" in Chinese and German amongst other things. We truly bonded. We shared "thank you"s all day.

I gained confidence in taking care of a sick child, while educating and having fun.

Footnote: I went alittle wrong in asking D4, if she has ever NOT want to call me back. She boldly denied. I knew I was putting her in a tough position and still asked - insecurities, most definitely.

D4 goes on to tell me she doesn't like living with her mother - that she wants to live with me. My ego sucked it all up. I know how destructive it is, yet I get satisfaction out of it. Co Dependency.

I tried to help her see the brightside: the best of both worlds angle, but it didn't help. I messed up. 

Rest of the day was pleasant, as well as the exchange. No drama, except for the: if D4 is that sick, then it must be communicated.

Mind you, she's talking of better communications... And she has a point, though it's coming from her.

Well, today I call D4 to see how the Homework Assignment played out... The call went unanswered w no explanation. It couldn't have played out any other way.

We will try again tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

Did you expect any less? She's like a child, you didn't let her speak to D4 over the weekend so now you weren't going to be allowed to talk to her today.

The fact that she was sick didn't matter to Mrs RG. 

Par for the course. Sad, isn't it?

Glad to see you handled it cool and calmly. Just try again, it's all you can do.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> If you want this over with ASAP follow this advice. It will cost you your time and money. A few hundy for a demand letter.
> 
> For all intents and purposes, you're done minus the final paperwork. Just wait her out and let her incur the cost of getting it completed. Maybe she'll learn something along the way.


3putt had a great link which shows you at your age are way more of a commodity than she is.
Guys that have their sh!t together have a job and are not crazy are much more sought after then a female the same age.

I know you are doing okay but I feel for your daughter.

You have really changed...but in a good way.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> CG, I am slowly realizing this fact. I am sensing it.
> 
> The weekend was an adventure. I had D4 and she was sick: fever, cold and a horrible cough.
> 
> I was given a heads up about it but it got worse as the weekend progressed.
> 
> I father'd up and got on my duties... Taking care of the young'n. We scrapped plans and bunkered down.
> 
> D4, usually doesn't like answering to her mother's phone calls - I usually pick it up and have her talk to Mrs. RG.
> This time, because of the circumstances... I hesitated to call back.
> 
> I text: Hey, D4 doesn't wish to talk.
> 
> Mrs. RG spins it, "Why do you try to hurt me. Their are many D4 doesn't wish to talk to you and I explain that she needs to tell you that herself."
> 
> I state: only reason I responded w/o a call back is because she's terribly sick. I'll just have her call you back next time. No big deal.
> 
> She requested if she could pick her up, questioned the medicine I gave her, blah blah...
> 
> I replied: No, she's in good hands.
> 
> Next day D4 woke up good as new...
> 
> Mrs. RG sent D4 to me w a homework assignment. I am not going to lie, I wasn't looking forward to it.
> 
> Sometime around Sunday Morning, I tell D4, "Lets get to work"...
> 
> To my surprise, we have the most amazing time doing homework. D4 learned how to say "thank you" in Chinese and German amongst other things. We truly bonded. We shared "thank you"s all day.
> 
> I gained confidence in taking care of a sick child, while educating and having fun.
> 
> Footnote: I went alittle wrong in asking D4, if she has ever NOT want to call me back. She boldly denied. I knew I was putting her in a tough position and still asked - insecurities, most definitely.
> 
> D4 goes on to tell me she doesn't like living with her mother - that she wants to live with me. My ego sucked it all up. I know how destructive it is, yet I get satisfaction out of it. Co Dependency.
> 
> I tried to help her see the brightside: the best of both worlds angle, but it didn't help. I messed up.
> 
> Rest of the day was pleasant, as well as the exchange. No drama, except for the: if D4 is that sick, then it must be communicated.
> 
> Mind you, she's talking of better communications... And she has a point, though it's coming from her.
> 
> Well, today I call D4 to see how the Homework Assignment played out... The call went unanswered w no explanation. It couldn't have played out any other way.
> 
> We will try again tomorrow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This played out well. 

You only have a daughter so you don't see the dichotomy. 

Little girls love their daddy. No one, and I mean no one can take your place. Mrs RG (you need to find a new moniker) will have a hell of a time getting her to get along with a new man. 

You're golden.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> This played out well.
> 
> You only have a daughter so you don't see the dichotomy.
> 
> Little girls love their daddy. No one, and I mean no one can take your place. Mrs RG (you need to find a new moniker) will have a hell of a time getting her to get along with a new man.
> 
> You're golden.


I still say (even though you are in new york) take a stab at setting up a hearing for a court ordered psych evaluation.
And bring in the woman from Ds old school as a witness that she nor you were informed that d won't be going there anymore.

Okay it's late see ya.


----------



## Chuck71

QL spins anything said...not by thought but reflex

Group...your time with that is up, let POSOM

serve his sentence


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> QL spins anything said...not by thought but reflex
> 
> Group...your time with that is up, let POSOM
> 
> serve his sentence


Queen Lizard drank her Hater-Aid today... I spoke to Almost D5 today and I asked her about the Homework she and I shared doing this past weekend...

AD5 says: Mommy says you two did it a little bit WRONG!!!

SMH.

Not quite as bad as Zillard's Ex, but god Damn.

She's showing us how spiteful she is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## terrence4159

i never followed your thread until 4 days ago regroup....holy crap man you won the jackpot in your wife. i was going to bill you for me reading this whole thread in a few days but i will just order one of those mrs regroup jerseys. 

im so sorry for what you went through i couldnt and still cant beleive her. holy basket case batman


----------



## tom67

terrence4159 said:


> i never followed your thread until 4 days ago regroup....holy crap man you won the jackpot in your wife. i was going to bill you for me reading this whole thread in a few days but i will just order one of those mrs regroup jerseys.
> 
> im so sorry for what you went through i couldnt and still cant beleive her. holy basket case batman


It does get you mad in a hurry at times.

He is finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, we hope so.


----------



## terrence4159

omg yes i was cussing the computer at times telling him to run...my wife was looking at me like i was crazy....she was right regroups wife was making me crazy. my god regroup has the will patience of mother teresa......scratch that mother T woulda beat some arse a long time ago with mrs regroup.



p.s. HEAT all the way..again this year


----------



## Chuck71

A large part of learning in a situation like Group's is

even if they worked things out, they would be 

right back in same boat within three years

QL would spin things just as she did this time

only an upgraded version

...IF they did reconcile...I would bet you

there would be another child in the next war

just more ammo for QL to use


----------



## LongWalk

Reconciliation? I hope not for the sake of making the thread eternal.


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> ...IF they did reconcile...I would bet you
> 
> there would be another child in the next war
> 
> just more ammo for QL to use


Dear Lord, another child?

That would be at least 100 pages of RG trying to MRG on board for a paternity test.

"Really RG? A paternity test? You don't love me. Why won't you fight for me?"


----------



## ReGroup

Terrance welcome aboard...

QL, emails me today asking that we speak on the phone:

"Information was too much to describe via email or text..."

I say, "call me at lunch break"...

So she calls back... "I set up a preliminary conference set up for next Wednesday, but I never had you served... I set it up after you had me served... After 10/02. I was supposed to have you served but I didn't ... I am telling you now because I don't want any surprises. No way we can have this carried out."

RG: Why not?

QL: Can you make it? 

RG: At what time?

QL: I don't know. I have to look it up. I am sorry for the short notice. I didn't think we would need it after our Bx Judgment for child support.

RG: Is this for Divorce or child support?

QL: They are willing to tie up everything together... But I didn't have you served, so we can adjourn.

RG: Can this speed up things?

QL: If we agree on everything we'll be divorced 60 days after the fact. But you would need your representation to be there.

RG: I would have to ask my boss if I can have the day off and then ask if Team RG is off the day before a holiday.

QL: I know. 

RG: I'll try and work some magic.

QL: You think Team RG can make it? You know if we disagree this can go to trial? Inform Team RG that this method is usually reserved forcontested divorce. Can you bring the settlement papers?

RG: You need to submit your W2s in order to complete the papers.

QL: I was told differently. Make sure this is what Team RG wants, it feels time consuming. We also must have our net worth submitted.

RG: If I can I get the day off - I can have that readily prepared by then.

QL: We would have to provide that beforehand. I am so sorry for the short notice, we can adjourn. I didn't serve you so we don't have to go.

RG: Let me see what I can do. I'll talk to my boss. 

QL: We don't have to go.... You didn't have enough notice. They tied up the child support hearing and the divorce proceedings together. Would you be able to get the day off and book Team RG on short notice.

RG: I am certainly going to try. 

QL: Keep me updated.

*** We served motions in different Burroughs, so ... It's a matter of who's willing to pay: Me.

My observation:
1. She didn't serve me
2. She didn't make me aware of this court date
3. She asked me for the prepared settlement - knowing it can't be done without her W2s
4. Demanding Team RG be present on short notice.
5. Thinking I could get the day off.
6. Visitation hasn't been settled.

Verdict:

She's out of her f'ing mind or this is the last thing on her mind.

I can't take the day off. So nope, no speedy resolution.

Whatever. 

Like she would pay if her motion would have carried anyways.

On a plus...the conversation was cordial the entire time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Wow 
She is all over the map.

She really does not want to submit the w-2s.
That's probably why she was trying this.

The hearing in january should be interesting.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Terrance welcome aboard...
> 
> QL, emails me today asking that we speak on the phone:
> 
> "Information was too much to describe via email or text..."
> 
> I say, "call me at lunch break"...
> 
> So she calls back... "I set up a preliminary conference set up for next Wednesday, but I never had you served... I set it up after you had me served... After 10/02. I was supposed to have you served but I didn't ... I am telling you now because I don't want any surprises. No way we can have this carried out."
> 
> RG: Why not?
> 
> QL: Can you make it?
> 
> RG: At what time?
> 
> QL: I don't know. I have to look it up. I am sorry for the short notice. I didn't think we would need it after our Bx Judgment for child support.
> 
> RG: Is this for Divorce or child support?
> 
> QL: They are willing to tie up everything together... But I didn't have you served, so we can adjourn.
> 
> RG: Can this speed up things?
> 
> QL: If we agree on everything we'll be divorced 60 days after the fact. But you would need your representation to be there.
> 
> RG: I would have to ask my boss if I can have the day off and then ask if Team RG is off the day before a holiday.
> 
> QL: I know.
> 
> RG: I'll try and work some magic.
> 
> QL: You think Team RG can make it? You know if we disagree this can go to trial? Inform Team RG that this method is usually reserved forcontested divorce. Can you bring the settlement papers?
> 
> RG: You need to submit your W2s in order to complete the papers.
> 
> QL: I was told differently. Make sure this is what Team RG wants, it feels time consuming. We also must have our net worth submitted.
> 
> RG: If I can I get the day off - I can have that readily prepared by then.
> 
> QL: We would have to provide that beforehand. I am so sorry for the short notice, we can adjourn. I didn't serve you so we don't have to go.
> 
> RG: Let me see what I can do. I'll talk to my boss.
> 
> QL: We don't have to go.... You didn't have enough notice. They tied up the child support hearing and the divorce proceedings together. Would you be able to get the day off and book Team RG on short notice.
> 
> RG: I am certainly going to try.
> 
> QL: Keep me updated.
> 
> *** We served motions in different Burroughs, so ... It's a matter of who's willing to pay: Me.
> 
> My observation:
> 1. She didn't serve me
> 2. She didn't make me aware of this court date
> 3. She asked me for the prepared settlement - knowing it can't be done without her W2s
> 4. Demanding Team RG be present on short notice.
> 5. Thinking I could get the day off.
> 6. Visitation hasn't been settled.
> 
> Verdict:
> 
> She's out of her f'ing mind or this is the last thing on her mind.
> 
> I can't take the day off. So nope, no speedy resolution.
> 
> Whatever.
> 
> Like she would pay if her motion would have carried anyways.
> 
> On a plus...the conversation was cordial the entire time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



QL is the LEAST bit sorry

another BS scheme she found on 

howtotorturehusbands.com

call her bluff and call her hand

anything...ANYTHING she says should be verified

she is a 4 y/o...with a 5 y/o daughter


----------



## LongWalk

You have to get more custody to protect your daughter. The POSOM, did you find out what he does?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

ReGroup said:


> Verdict:
> 
> She's out of her f'ing mind


:iagree:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Gee, look who wants control.


----------



## Chuck71

Janet Jackson!


----------



## Mavash.

I don't think this is about control. I think she's trying she just doesn't understand how divorce/court works (I've said this all along). She was polite and respectful actually. Kept apologizing for the short notice, offered you an out and appears genuinely confused.

It almost sounds like she's working with someone but I can't be sure. She says she was supposed to file but admits she didn't follow the directions. 

The meeting next week (sounds like mediation) was set up a while back but she thought the last court date would make that go away. She didn't realize that date was for child support ONLY not the actual D. Ah wait it's those people who are dictating the rules...got it.

So on that note RG my suggestion is to stay cordial and stand your ground that yes it's short notice. But BE POLITE. Keep doing what you are doing.

The W-2 thing is a bit confusing. I suspect again she just doesn't get it nor will she give you anything unless she's forced to. That's her inner control freak yes coming out. She trusts no one and that is why she's acting that way it's not malicious or intentional.

Just my .02 as always I could be totally wrong.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> I don't think this is about control. I think she's trying she just doesn't understand how divorce/court works (I've said this all along). She was polite and respectful actually. Kept apologizing for the short notice, offered you an out and appears genuinely confused.
> 
> It almost sounds like she's working with someone but I can't be sure. She says she was supposed to file but admits she didn't follow the directions.
> 
> The meeting next week (sounds like mediation) was set up a while back but she thought the last court date would make that go away. She didn't realize that date was for child support ONLY not the actual D. Ah wait it's those people who are dictating the rules...got it.
> 
> So on that note RG my suggestion is to stay cordial and stand your ground that yes it's short notice. But BE POLITE. Keep doing what you are doing.
> 
> The W-2 thing is a bit confusing. I suspect again she just doesn't get it nor will she give you anything unless she's forced to. That's her inner control freak yes coming out. She trusts no one and that is why she's acting that way it's not malicious or intentional.
> 
> Just my .02 as always I could be totally wrong.


This sounds right but I'd add that she sounds scared. 

Scared she will do something wrong. Scared of pi55ing off RG.


----------



## Mavash.

Ceegee said:


> This sounds right but I'd add that she sounds scared.
> 
> Scared she will do something wrong. Scared of pi55ing off RG.


No doubt.

My guess would be because she didn't follow the court orders and knows it. Once she pulled the courts into her drama the game changed. She can't just sue for child support and NOT follow the process of divorce especially since a child is involved and visitation isn't settled.

Again...just speculating.


----------



## Mavash.

Which means her life gets easier if RG can't make it.

That explains why she kept offering him the out over and over and over again.

She didn't do something she was told to do and if he shows up next week they will know it.

If he can't get off work she's off the hook.


----------



## Ceegee

Mavash. said:


> Which means her life gets easier if RG can't make it.
> 
> That explains why she kept offering him the out over and over and over again.
> 
> She didn't do something she was told to do and if he shows up next week they will know it.
> 
> If he can't get off work she's off the hook.


Escaping accountability yet again.


----------



## karole

If she does not produce the W-2 soon, ask your attorney to file a "Motion to Compel" her to turn it over. The judge will enter an order directing her to turn over the W-2 to your attorney within 10 or so days (usually) or face sanctions.


----------



## sammy3

Ceegee said:


> You're in for a huge surprise about single women our age.
> 
> Huge.


What age group?:scratchhead:

~sammy


----------



## smallsteps

Everyone knows the W2 will show what she actually makes at her job. The only reason to not turn it over would be to take her salary out of the equation. 

Mav is right that it is a control issue but it's a ridiculous waste of energy because in the end it's something that the court will make her turn over.

Let's face it no matter what you apply for in life, when it comes to a monitary decision, they want to see a W2. Every year I had to apply for college tuition aid for my kids they wanted W2's & tax returns.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mavash.

Maybe she's just lazy. 

Gotta go dig in that box, filing cabinet, get that shoe box off the top shelf of her closet or whatever filing system she has to find her W-2. That's sooooooo much work. Can't she just get divorced without it? 

But hey in 2 more months she'll get a new one.


----------



## soccermom2three

Hi RG, I've never posted on your thread but this last conversation with her X had made me de-lurk.

Are you even just a little bit suspicious that instead of email or text that she wanted THIS particular conversation over the phone? Other than saying it was too much information. What about this conversation didn't she want documented and why? I don't know, maybe it's because she knows she screwed up and doesn't want to put that in writing.

I could be totally off base here though.


----------



## smallsteps

Here's the thing RG, I don't care what the reason is for her not producing the W2, the bottom line is you NEED her to or you're going to get scr**ed.

She's in a rush to get this over with because right now she's got the upper hand financially. They are already basing what you will have to pay in child support with no documentation from her. She won't even disclose what she's paying to D4' s school.

You need to make this stop. Don't sign anything and don't give her the upper hand. If something is set by the court for you to be at make sure you are there. The court doesn't care if she served you or not. Remember I told you what my friend said, don't anger the judge.

Don't let her rush you into anything until she produces financial documentation. Especially that W2. Force her to expose it, you sign nothing until Team RG has a copy in their hands. She's up to no good with it.

Did you ever here of the phrase "crazy like a fox"? She knows exactly what she's doing when it comes to this divorce. Don't underestimate her.


----------



## soccermom2three

I guess where I'm coming from is in my job we document everything. Our communication is mainly e-mail so when I ask for a status on something and get it back in writing, I print the e-mail and put it in the file. Once in while, I'll e-mail someone and they call me right back. I'm not stupid, I know that what ever they're going to tell me is something they don't want in writing or they would've written me back.

So for her to call you, last minute, being nice and cordial, makes me suspicious for you, lol. She expects you to be able get off work and have your attorney be there on short notice before a holiday weekend? I can't believe she's that dumb. 

If she shows up for the conference and you don't, can that hurt you in any way? IMO, I think you should follow up in an e-mail and reiterate your conversation.


----------



## karole

What does she mean that she "set up a preliminary conference?" Is she talking about a hearing or a meeting with the attorneys? If it is a hearing, you need to call the court and confirm because if you do not show up for a scheduled hearing it could be bad news for you - as soccermom2three referenced in her post.


----------



## Mavash.

karole said:


> What does she mean that she "set up a preliminary conference?" Is she talking about a hearing or a meeting with the attorneys? If it is a hearing, you need to call the court and confirm because if you do not show up for a scheduled hearing it could be bad news for you - as soccermom2three referenced in her post.


Yes I thought about this too.

Happened to a friend of mine. She had a court date (divorce related) and literally didn't find about it until 15 minutes beforehand. He was totally trying to pull one over on her. Her attorney thank goodness found out in time. No idea why everyone wasn't notified when the darn thing was scheduled.


----------



## vi_bride04

Be careful RG. I smell a rat. I don't think she is being nice or doing you any favors. Almost sounds like she wants you to miss it. 

"oh I'm sorry for such short notice. You don't have to go. I didn't have you served so its ok if you miss it"

I'm sorry, but why would you believe anything that woman says. And if it comes to court proceedings, I would show up come hell our high water. She's crazy and will do anything she can to get this over with and not produce her W2s. You definitely need to find out what this is about...

Like karole says, if this is a hearing, you will be screwed if you don't show up. You should have seen the judge when my ex didn't show up..they don't like it.


----------



## Mavash.

I posted my earlier advice at the crack of dawn. LOL

I can totally see the 'rat' factor in this now that I've had some caffeine.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

She mentions "I didn't have you served" three times. It's a not-so-subtle hint that if RG does things her way, she won't have him served.

It's all about control.

What are her motives? Most likely money. But also, in her own mind, that she ended things *her* way, on* her* terms.

RG is on top of it. She doesn't get to call the shots.


----------



## ReGroup

Mavash. said:


> I posted my earlier advice at the crack of dawn. LOL
> 
> I can totally see the 'rat' factor in this now that I've had some caffeine.


Lol. 

During the conversation I asked her to give me the contact number for the department - I called once I got off the phone and verified that I didn't have to attend - if I wasn't able to attend.

One thing I have learned here is to VERIFY. 

I won't be able to make it this Wednesday - my boss couldn't make it happen. 

Another thing - in regards to the child support, I found out today I am not being charged for D4s After Care ... I am paying more than I should for being in ARREARS. 

It takes the courts a few weeks to set up the CS payments directly from my check - so I am paying what I didn't going back to the 25th of October. 

Only thing is - I sent a payment via mail 2 weeks ago. So I am caught up. But this is NY. So it'll be awhile before I get it back.

I am having Team RG call her next week to explain things to her. They have spoken before - I don't know why she hadn't mentioned this date to anyone. 

I let her know I can't attend this Wednesday. She says, ok... we'll set up a another date. SMH. WTF!!! 

I created a lane for us to get divorced... and she's ignoring it! This path is more complicated, longer, and it might go to trial.
IT MAKES NO SENSE!


----------



## ReGroup

smallsteps said:


> Don't let her rush you into anything until she produces financial documentation. Especially that W2. Force her to expose it, you sign nothing until Team RG has a copy in their hands. She's up to no good with it.
> 
> Did you ever here of the phrase "crazy like a fox"? She knows exactly what she's doing when it comes to this divorce. Don't underestimate her.


You guys would laugh at what this is all about... Child Support has been determined. That's fine. 

This is about after - care. 
I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN SHE DOES. She doesn't know this because we are running figures from 2012. 

If anything, I'll be paying more After Care than she would. 
She would do herself a favor if she would present her W2s. 

Honestly, I don't know why he needs the W2s... When her xlawyer asked them of me I faxed it over to him 10 minutes after the request.


----------



## vi_bride04

If she is the Plantiff, no you don't have to attend....

So was this just a mediation meeting? Or an actual court date?


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> If she is the Plantiff, no you don't have to attend....
> 
> So was this just a mediation meeting? Or an actual court date?


Vi, I don't even know what this was. I really don't. 

It wasn't court. And there isn't anything to mediate. 

No assets, no pensions, etc... 

EASIEST DIVORCE OF ALL TIME.


----------



## vi_bride04

Man RG....I hope you can find out, if it was me dealing with someone like her I wouldn't stop until I got to the bottom of exactly what it was. I would hate to get some legal crap thrown at me out of no where that would hurt my chances at custody or whatever....

Maybe it only is just some really really really freakish obsession for control (psychotic if thats the case)....

Fricken weird....


----------



## Pbartender

vi_bride04 said:


> If she is the Plantiff, no you don't have to attend....


Furthermore, if you truly didn't get served, it is normally within your rights to request a different court date. Even more so, if it's because she "forgot" to have you served.

That sort of trick will make judges cranky.


----------



## just got it 55

smallsteps said:


> Here's the thing RG, I don't care what the reason is for her not producing the W2, the bottom line is you NEED her to or you're going to get scr**ed.
> 
> She's in a rush to get this over with because right now she's got the upper hand financially. They are already basing what you will have to pay in child support with no documentation from her. She won't even disclose what she's paying to D4' s school.
> 
> You need to make this stop. Don't sign anything and don't give her the upper hand. If something is set by the court for you to be at make sure you are there. The court doesn't care if she served you or not. Remember I told you what my friend said, don't anger the judge.
> 
> Don't let her rush you into anything until she produces financial documentation. Especially that W2. Force her to expose it, you sign nothing until Team RG has a copy in their hands. She's up to no good with it.
> 
> Did you ever here of the phrase "crazy like a fox"? She knows exactly what she's doing when it comes to this divorce. Don't underestimate her.


WOW SS where was that toughguy when dealing with your POSSTBXH Show him some of that

Sorry for the TJ Group


----------



## LongWalk

She is making things difficult... Maybe you should bang her one last time to put her in good mood... Seriously, though, just RG request 50% custody and request some sort if evaluation. She seriously unfit to raise your daughter.

Is there anything that matters any more but your child?

Do you remember the story about the guy who got his arm trapped by a boulder. He had to amputate it with a dull pocket knife to escape. You must do the same only you must save D5, too. 

In 20 years Mrs RG may be a charming person as long as she is not your wife.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## Mavash.

ReGroup said:


> During the conversation I asked her to give me the contact number for the department - I called once I got off the phone and verified that I didn't have to attend - if I wasn't able to attend.


Didn't you ask them what this was? Didn't you get details?

If not can you call them back and find out?


----------



## ReGroup

It's a screening... 

What are the issues? What's being contested?

In that meeting info is gathered.

That way the judge has an idea of the situation.

In our case... 3 weekends w D4 instead of every other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

bring up her W2 issue

you want it done n over

judge will see that


----------



## ReGroup

Goodbye Mavi!

Thank you soooooooo much.

From me and everyone on TAM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## terrence4159

well at this rate you will be single again in 2021, better hit the gym and stay in shape.

(had to get that in before i get banned for a comment on another thread)


----------



## LongWalk

Why did you say goodbye to Mavash? Is she leaving? Hope not.


----------



## just got it 55

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/private-members-section/144249-anon-pink-mavash.html

LW this is for you Buddy


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



LongWalk said:


> Why did you say goodbye to Mavash? Is she leaving? Hope not.


Yes, I am sad


----------



## ReGroup

Just like old times. 

Her: I would like to clear something up...

You were very disgusting to me yesterday and upset me with your nastiness and usual dismissive attitude.

Way back in March, you asked me if it would be ok to have D4 for Christmas break because you were planning on going to DR...I told you that I was ok with that, a month later, even though you kept saying yes, I told you that my friend was getting married and I am her maid of honor and that I would not be around that week. Once again you told me no problem because you were taking D4 to DR, then just before I purchased my ticket, I asked you again, and said, please let me know if this is happening because I will take D4 with me but I need to know now upon me buying my plane ticket...you assured me yes, JUST before I was about to purchase, right outside of the apartment when you came to pick D4 up, I asked you again and said, I am going to buy my plane ticket and if you are not able to go to DR, you will have to be responsible for D4 during that time...you told me not to worry and that everything would work out....

Then a few weeks ago after almost 8 months go by, you tell me that you are unable to go and that D4 is now my responsibility during that time. You are her father for God's sake and you take no responsibility for her at all, you dont care about whats good for her or whats right for her. You put yourself first instead of her. 

You are absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to work with and are a mean, bitter man. 

You have screwed both D4 and I in this situation. I would have taken her with me GLADLY as she was going to be the flower girl but I conceded to your wishes and request to take her to DR during the time that I would be away....

You are unreliable and is someone that cannot be depended on. 

If I were you,I would get your priorities straight and start thinking about D4....

I am now scrambling to find someone that I trust enough to leave D4 with for an entire week since her own father has no desire or care to assist. Being that you have left this for me to do, I do not know if we will be around during Christmas as I may have to travel to bring her somewhere. Just giving you a heads up since you dont particularly care either way...just dont feel like having you give me the song and dance about this crap when you dont mean it...

Furthermore, your performance yesterday, trying to tell me something and act like this situation just came out of no where was no less than appalling....you know DAMN well that I was going to be away during the break and that D4 was supposed to be your responsibility if you did not go to DR....I would think that you would have LEAPED at the opportunity to be able to spend so much time with her and have her for an entire week...but you are just not that type of man, let alone father.....

God Bless you and I truly hope that you figure your life out. I also hope D4 NEVER feels what I felt while being with you, let down, hopeless and unloved.....you continuously keep disappointing her and that's what will happen....

RG: My vacation was denied. (I told her 3 months ago).

M, 3 months ago I asked you to give me the dates. 
I would try and figure out accomodations - for the days I would be working. 

Yesterday, you mentioned you had given me the dates a few weeks back. That's untrue.

Her: RG....its ok and I understand that your vacation was denied...thats not the issue, the issue is that whether you were going to DR or not, D4 was supposed to be with you...

I dont know how many times we have to go with the back and forth about the dates, Christmas break is Christmas break...if you want to play that game and say that I didnt give you dates...no problem...but Xmas break on my calendar is the same on your calendar...at least in my world. 

Me:

Christmas break is Christmas break...if you want to play that game and say that I didnt give you dates...no problem...but Xmas break on my calendar is the same on your calendar...at least in my world.

_This is unacceptable - I need details, for proper planning._ 

the issue is that whether you were going to DR or not, D4 was supposed to be with you... 

_See above._

Her: You're a terrible person.

* Quick point, I never said I wasn't going to stay w/ D4. I just asked for the dates to make accomodations. 

* Yesterday, I asked a few questions like:
I want to throw a party for D4 - will you have her next weekend? 

* I asked for the December Dates. 

She throws a fit. I keep calm and she storms away at the exchange. I kept centered the entire time and it enraged her more. 

Whatever. Impossible.

She's away: 12/27 - 01/06.


----------



## helolover

She is pure delight, RG. Hang in there, bro.


----------



## bfree

You sure she doesn't have some variation of Munchausen Syndrome?


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Just like old times.
> 
> Her: I would like to clear something up...
> 
> You were very disgusting to me yesterday and upset me with your nastiness and usual dismissive attitude.
> 
> Way back in March, you asked me if it would be ok to have D4 for Christmas break because you were planning on going to DR...I told you that I was ok with that, a month later, even though you kept saying yes, I told you that my friend was getting married and I am her maid of honor and that I would not be around that week. Once again you told me no problem because you were taking D4 to DR, then just before I purchased my ticket, I asked you again, and said, please let me know if this is happening because I will take D4 with me but I need to know now upon me buying my plane ticket...you assured me yes, JUST before I was about to purchase, right outside of the apartment when you came to pick D4 up, I asked you again and said, I am going to buy my plane ticket and if you are not able to go to DR, you will have to be responsible for D4 during that time...you told me not to worry and that everything would work out....
> 
> Then a few weeks ago after almost 8 months go by, you tell me that you are unable to go and that D4 is now my responsibility during that time. You are her father for God's sake and you take no responsibility for her at all, you dont care about whats good for her or whats right for her. You put yourself first instead of her.
> 
> You are absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to work with and are a mean, bitter man.
> 
> You have screwed both D4 and I in this situation. I would have taken her with me GLADLY as she was going to be the flower girl but I conceded to your wishes and request to take her to DR during the time that I would be away....
> 
> You are unreliable and is someone that cannot be depended on.
> 
> If I were you,I would get your priorities straight and start thinking about D4....
> 
> I am now scrambling to find someone that I trust enough to leave D4 with for an entire week since her own father has no desire or care to assist. Being that you have left this for me to do, I do not know if we will be around during Christmas as I may have to travel to bring her somewhere. Just giving you a heads up since you dont particularly care either way...just dont feel like having you give me the song and dance about this crap when you dont mean it...
> 
> Furthermore, your performance yesterday, trying to tell me something and act like this situation just came out of no where was no less than appalling....you know DAMN well that I was going to be away during the break and that D4 was supposed to be your responsibility if you did not go to DR....I would think that you would have LEAPED at the opportunity to be able to spend so much time with her and have her for an entire week...but you are just not that type of man, let alone father.....
> 
> God Bless you and I truly hope that you figure your life out. I also hope D4 NEVER feels what I felt while being with you, let down, hopeless and unloved.....you continuously keep disappointing her and that's what will happen....
> 
> RG: My vacation was denied. (I told her 3 months ago).
> 
> M, 3 months ago I asked you to give me the dates.
> I would try and figure out accomodations - for the days I would be working.
> 
> Yesterday, you mentioned you had given me the dates a few weeks back. That's untrue.
> 
> Her: RG....its ok and I understand that your vacation was denied...thats not the issue, the issue is that whether you were going to DR or not, D4 was supposed to be with you...
> 
> I dont know how many times we have to go with the back and forth about the dates, Christmas break is Christmas break...if you want to play that game and say that I didnt give you dates...no problem...but Xmas break on my calendar is the same on your calendar...at least in my world.
> 
> Me:
> 
> Christmas break is Christmas break...if you want to play that game and say that I didnt give you dates...no problem...but Xmas break on my calendar is the same on your calendar...at least in my world.
> 
> _This is unacceptable - I need details, for proper planning._
> 
> the issue is that whether you were going to DR or not, D4 was supposed to be with you...
> 
> _See above._
> 
> Her: You're a terrible person.
> 
> * Quick point, I never said I wasn't going to stay w/ D4. I just asked for the dates to make accomodations.
> 
> * Yesterday, I asked a few questions like:
> I want to throw a party for D4 - will you have her next weekend?
> 
> * I asked for the December Dates.
> 
> She throws a fit. I keep calm and she storms away at the exchange. I kept centered the entire time and it enraged her more.
> 
> Whatever. Impossible.
> 
> She's away: 12/27 - 01/06.


does this surprise you one bit? it shouldn't


----------



## ReGroup

Not one bit.

I am not trying to be a hardass, I just needed time to get D4 accommodations for the days that I am working.

I might be able to pull it off - but she's taking things like I said NO.

Now I am a terrible person and in The Black.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Group… there's one last step to take here.

Stop taking the bait.

"I don't like where this conversation is heading"

She gets psychological satisfaction when she dumps her anger on you and rips you. I've heard it compared to the release that a cutter feels when they self-mutilate.


----------



## GotLifeBack

Conrad said:


> Group… there's one last step to take here.
> 
> Stop taking the bait.
> 
> "I don't like where this conversation is heading"
> 
> She gets psychological satisfaction when she dumps her anger on you and rips you. I've heard it compared to the release that a cutter feels when they self-mutilate.


Good to see you back Conrad .


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Group… there's one last step to take here.
> 
> Stop taking the bait.
> 
> "I don't like where this conversation is heading"
> 
> She gets psychological satisfaction when she dumps her anger on you and rips you. I've heard it compared to the release that a cutter feels when they self-mutilate.


YOU GET BANNED AND I GOT RUSTY! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR GETTING BANNNED. ALL YOUR FAULT!

Chip, welcome back! We missed you.

9 days ago I emailed Team RG to get ahold of HER W-2 Forms. I haven't gotten a response from him. 

On Saturday, She asked for the settlement papers and I gave her the same response:

"Team RG is waiting for the W2 Forms... It's an uncontested layup - easy 2. Just fax it over and we're good."

I don't know if he has called her. 

I am going to call him in a few. 

I just got an email from HER: where are these papers? he mailed it to you without the W2?

I am questioning myself. :scratchhead:


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> YOU GET BANNED AND I GOT RUSTY! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR GETTING BANNNED. ALL YOUR FAULT!
> 
> Chip, welcome back! We missed you.
> 
> 9 days ago I emailed Team RG to get ahold of HER W-2 Forms. I haven't gotten a response from him.
> 
> On Saturday, She asked for the settlement papers and I gave her the same response:
> 
> "Team RG is waiting for the W2 Forms... It's an uncontested layup - easy 2. Just fax it over and we're good."
> 
> I don't know if he has called her.
> 
> I am going to call him in a few.
> 
> I just got an email from HER: where are these papers? he mailed it to you without the W2?
> 
> I am questioning myself. :scratchhead:


Don't.

Just get the W-2's.

Tell her she has 3 days to produce them or you'll be filing a motion forcing her hand.


----------



## LongWalk

Welcome back Conrad.

You need to stop by LostLove's thread. He has been cured of oneitis.

RG,

At least she is not swearing anymore. Can't your mother help out? Wouldn't she like to spend more time with D4?


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> YOU GET BANNED AND I GOT RUSTY! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR GETTING BANNNED. ALL YOUR FAULT!
> 
> Chip, welcome back! We missed you.


How can a guy get banned that has almost 17,000 posts???

Maybe Conrad got rusty after all those posts.

Maybe this will help him.










Maybe wd-40 would be better???

HM


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> How can a guy get banned that has almost 17,000 posts???
> 
> Maybe Conrad got rusty after all those posts.
> 
> Maybe this will help him.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe wd-40 would be better???
> 
> HM


Thanks brother.

I blew a gasket when I was posting an article of how cancer patients/survivors were losing their insurance and their specialists due to "you know what".


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Don't.
> 
> Just get the W-2's.
> 
> Tell her she has 3 days to produce them or you'll be filing a motion forcing her hand.


I believe it's called a motion to produce.


----------



## Tron

Technically speaking it's called a Motion to Compel.


----------



## tom67

Tron said:


> Technically speaking it's called a Motion to Compel.


You are right I was thinking of the notice to produce. That's what happens when I'm running for the train lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> You are right I was thinking of the notice to produce. That's what happens when I'm running for the train lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Make sure the engineer is awake.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> Thanks brother.
> 
> I blew a gasket when I was posting an article of how cancer patients/survivors were losing their insurance and their specialists due to "you know *who*".


I fixed that word for you. 

Glad your back.

You were sorely missed.


----------



## Pbartender

Conrad said:


> Don't.
> 
> Just get the W-2's.
> 
> Tell her she has 3 days to produce them or you'll be filing a motion forcing her hand.


:iagree:

One way or the other, this works.


----------



## Tron

Pbartender said:


> :iagree:
> 
> One way or the other, this works.


RG,

Pbar is now the resident expert. 

Filed, appeared at the hearing and handled it...all successfully...and without his attorney.


----------



## Pbartender

Tron said:


> RG,
> 
> Pbar is now the resident expert.
> 
> Filed, appeared at the hearing and handled it...all successfully...and without his attorney.


Oh, how legends grow... 

The preliminary court date was last week, the actual hearing is next week and I'm very well prepared. She's not using her attorney, so I expect no trouble.

I did do most of the work myself... drafting the petition and motions and other necessary paperwork, filing them, appearing in court before the judge, etc. But I did consult with my lawyer to get his advice, to get questions about the procedure answered and clarified, and to have him review the paperwork for mistakes and edits.

And he was nice enough to not charge me for his time. :smthumbup:


----------



## tom67

Pbartender said:


> Oh, how legends grow...
> 
> The preliminary court date was last week, the actual hearing is next week and I'm very well prepared. She's not using her attorney, so I expect no trouble.
> 
> I did do most of the work myself... drafting the petition and motions and other necessary paperwork, filing them, appearing in court before the judge, etc. But I did consult with my lawyer to get his advice, to get questions about the procedure answered and clarified, and to have him review the paperwork for mistakes and edits.
> 
> And he was nice enough to not charge me for his time. :smthumbup:


:lol:
Copies galore PB. Just a reminder.
I can't wait when she looks like this :slap:
OH KARMA.


----------



## Chuck71

score one for rationale over defiant $hitbags


----------



## vi_bride04

So hows the W2s coming?


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> So hows the W2s coming?


Update:

I just received a call from Team RG. 

The courts have scheduled a preliminary conference triggered by (Operation Serve'em) on 10/02/2013 - the conference is scheduled for 01/15/2014.

Team RG just made me aware of it just now and is serving her again this coming week. 

Vi... Team RG didn't bother retrieving the documents because of our family court issue still pending - our follow up is on 01/27/2014.

To legitimize the settlement papers...

She would have to:
1. drop the family court hearing
2. submit the W-2s

As he said just now, "if we can get her to drop the family court stuff, then we can clean the counter w/ a stoke of a pen".

I am going to see her this Sunday. I am going to propose the idea. I will have the incomplete settlement papers w/ me and say, "Wouldn't it be awesome to just sign this paper and get this over with? Think about it."

As of now, we have 2 court dates scheduled for January. 

She was texting me last night passed midnight... God knows why - I didn't have D5 with me this weekend. 

Her: Hey
-then fifteen minuts later
Her: Are you sleeping???

I didn't respond.

When I saw the messages, I said to myself, "if it was something about D5 she would have immediately addressed it in the messages". Other than that... who gives a f*ck.

I told my buddy Gutpunch a few weeks back ... I am Andy Dufresne crawling through the sewage pipe... one hundred yards left to go!


----------



## happyman64

Good luck on Sunday.


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> Good luck on Sunday.


And put your phone on record.


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> Good luck on Sunday.


You awake?


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> You awake?


And now for something really different...

Addison Reed of Chicago White Sox traded to Arizona Diamondbacks for Matt Davidson - ESPN Chicago

Yes I know like anyone cares


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> And now for something really different...
> 
> Addison Reed of Chicago White Sox traded to Arizona Diamondbacks for Matt Davidson - ESPN Chicago
> 
> Yes I know like anyone cares


At least he doesn't weigh 400 pounds like our latest acquisition.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Hey if the angels can't keep Trout...

Mike Trout and the $400 million question - ESPN


----------



## GutPunch

Happy tammiversary ReGroup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Happy tammiversary ReGroup.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> Happy tammiversary ReGroup.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The show-stealer is one year old.


----------



## ReGroup

One year strong.

This journey is on it's last legs - Thank God.

Couldn't be at the place in which I am w/o all of it's participants. Hopefully some of the newer sign ons can profit from all of the great advice given to me on this thread.

Almost 400 pages. I hope it doesn't go further than that. 

Special shout to Mrs. RG and PosOM for making this happen. 

We all survived the year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> The show-stealer is one year old.


We can all laugh about that now. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## terrence4159

i am still waiting for my jersey i ordered sent conrad the 125 dollars he asked for like a month ago and nothing..................wonder if i got taken? 


yes we all survived the year......well all except your Knicks they didnt make it


----------



## Conrad

terrence4159 said:


> i am still waiting for my jersey i ordered sent conrad the 125 dollars he asked for like a month ago and nothing..................wonder if i got taken?
> 
> 
> yes we all survived the year......well all except your Knicks they didnt make it


Is the check still in the mail?


----------



## terrence4159

in the mail your pocket a local strip club im not sure


----------



## Conrad

terrence4159 said:


> in the mail your pocket a local strip club im not sure


Is that why Angela is texting me this evening?

I wondered why she felt the urge.

Thanks bro!


----------



## terrence4159

you are welcome!


----------



## Chuck71

maybe QL is in the Christmas spirit and will sign

smile and flash a few $ bills....we know that gets her attention

random thought.....QL will remain with posom until

everything is concluded....she has to....to save face

maybe Woody Allen needs another deranged psycho

female for his next off the wall comedy


----------



## LongWalk

I never like Woody Allen. That guy thinks he is smarter than everyone else. He married his own adopted daughter and still gets invited to dinner by important people.

Allen makes Roman Polanski look like a nice guy. Polanski's films are all better than Allen's.

RG, hang in their for your daughter. She is waiting to be rescued.


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> I never like Woody Allen. That guy thinks he is smarter than everyone else. He married his own adopted daughter and still gets invited to dinner by important people.
> 
> Allen makes Roman Polanski look like a nice guy. Polanski's films are all better than Allen's.
> 
> RG, hang in their for your daughter. She is waiting to be rescued.


hence dysfunctional meant for dysfunctional


----------



## happyman64

LongWalk said:


> I never like Woody Allen. That guy thinks he is smarter than everyone else. He married his own adopted daughter and still gets invited to dinner by important people.
> 
> Allen makes Roman Polanski look like a nice guy. Polanski's films are all better than Allen's.
> 
> RG, hang in their for your daughter. She is waiting to be rescued.


Woody Allen is a tool. Sometimes you see him wandering the streets of NY.

He looks as lost as his morals are.


----------



## ReGroup

Fighting amongst parents going thru a divorce is one thing...

Not letting a parent speak to their child on Christmas Eve and Christmas is that of a Sociapath.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cbnero

My wife had our 3 and 6 year old until this morning. I dont call her because if the kids arent thinking about it I dont want to call and make them sad. But she never had them call me Christmas eve.

oh well, in the words of MN Coach Denny Green, "they are who we thought they are."

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## happyman64

ReGroup said:


> Fighting amongst parents going thru a divorce is one thing...
> 
> Not letting a parent speak to their child on Christmas Eve and Christmas is that of a Sociapath.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A very selfish sociopath.

One that you cannot even be friends with let alone coparent with....

It will get better RG.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Fighting amongst parents going thru a divorce is one thing...
> 
> Not letting a parent speak to their child on Christmas Eve and Christmas is that of a Sociapath.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry RG that's ridiculous.


----------



## Ceegee

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> Fighting amongst parents going thru a divorce is one thing...
> 
> Not letting a parent speak to their child on Christmas Eve and Christmas is that of a Sociapath.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Snuck in a couple of texts with mine this morning but went dead. 

They didn't call this evening as they are supposed to everyday at 8:00. 

It's cool though. You know, as I do, how much the kids love us. It's not them, it's the evil troll they live with. It will come back to haunt them later in life. 

Merry Christmas RG!


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> Fighting amongst parents going thru a divorce is one thing...
> 
> Not letting a parent speak to their child on Christmas Eve and Christmas is that of a Sociapath.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow that sux. No split holiday custody agreement yet.

Tell your lawyer I would make her life miserable via the legal system.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

me thinks a tally of the biggest morons are in order

I knew QL was a nominee 

what I didn't know was her late push for the win

D5 is the only way she can hurt you

Christmas '14 will be different


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> D5 is the only way she can hurt you


Short-term, yes.

Long-term she's hurting herself more than RG ever could.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Short-term, yes.
> 
> Long-term she's hurting herself more than RG ever could.


CT's long-lost latina sister.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Short-term, yes.
> 
> Long-term she's hurting herself more than RG ever could.


I posted it on Chip's Thread but I am sure it's uncommon for a 5 year old to say: Papi, pay no mind to mommy.

I chuckled at it originally... I am not laughing anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pluto2

Your child is so much smarter and clearly more caring that STBX. Now, I wonder where that came from?


----------



## Ceegee

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I posted it on Chip's Thread but I am sure it's uncommon for a 5 year old to say: Papi, pay no mind to mommy.
> 
> I chuckled at it originally... I am not laughing anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not funny but it is what it is. 

There are consequences to our actions.


----------



## ReGroup

Happy New Years to every onlooker and contributor to The RG Thread.

It's been a rough final stretch to 2013.

I haven't spoken to D5 since 12/22. I don't even know where she is.
Queen Lizard (What's up Chucky?) gave me dates to her fabulous get away w late notice. She presumed D5 could stay w me but I couldn't accommodate it because of work.

I don't know if D5 is overseas or Upstate w the other sides grand parents.

A side of me does not give a F. I am sad to admit that. I have gone from extreme to the other.

I struggle with giving in to poor behavior - at the expense of putting my daughter in a better situation. It's tough.

At this point, I am holding my ground and living by it.

Truth be told, I might have been able to pull a miracle and make it work... But on principle I refused after she threatened me with taking my parental rights... I know it's a bluff, but still.

2014 will bring structure in the way of legal paper work. Still, I have never gone this long without talking/seeing D5.

NYE was awesome... Went to an ex NYC Politician's party and had a fabulous time. Unforgettable night. One Night Stand - Very uncommon for me.

Court date is coming along fast. It's show time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Happy New Years to every onlooker and contributor to The RG Thread.
> 
> It's been a rough final stretch to 2013.
> 
> I haven't spoken to D5 since 12/22. I don't even know where she is.
> Queen Lizard (What's up Chucky?) gave me dates to her fabulous get away w late notice. She presumed D5 could stay w me but I couldn't accommodate it because of work.
> 
> I don't know if D5 is overseas or Upstate w the other sides grand parents.
> 
> A side of me does not give a F. I am sad to admit that. I have gone from extreme to the other.
> 
> I struggle with giving in to poor behavior - at the expense of putting my daughter in a better situation. It's tough.
> 
> At this point, I am holding my ground and living by it.
> 
> Truth be told, I might have been able to pull a miracle and make it work... But on principle I refused after she threatened me with taking my parental rights... I know it's a bluff, but still.
> 
> 2014 will bring structure in the way of legal paper work. Still, I have never gone this long without talking/seeing D5.
> 
> NYE was awesome... Went to an ex NYC Politician's party and had a fabulous time. Unforgettable night. One Night Stand - Very uncommon for me.
> 
> Court date is coming along fast. It's show time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Feels like the Mother's Day kidnapping.

You know posOM didn't want D5 tagging along.

So, she's hurting herself to hurt you.

That has a limited shelf life.


----------



## Chuck71

well Group, you have Queen Lizard

I had window cork

your have will soon be a had

stay focused on the end game

everything will fall in place......

home stretch Group

be insightful of QL's moves after D

you will be rid of her in 2026

already have calendar marked!


----------



## happyman64

RG
Save your strength for the court date.

Have you called your inlaws to check on your kid?

HM


----------



## just got it 55

Conrad said:


> Feels like the Mother's Day kidnapping.
> 
> You know posOM didn't want D5 tagging along.
> 
> So, she's hurting herself to hurt you.
> 
> That has a limited shelf life.


You Betcha:iagree:


----------



## Ceegee

When is your next scheduled possession, RG?

You need to talk to her soon. 10 days is way too long for a 5 year old.


----------



## GutPunch

Way to bring in the new year with a bang.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

Oh yeah, was she hot?


----------



## 06Daddio08

I hope you are able to obtain more custody of your daughter in 2014. Screw all the jabbing about your ex, she's in the past. Focus on your girl.


----------



## ReGroup

I don't have contact info to the in laws - I deleted all of there contact info.

I am due to see my daughter next weekend. Hopefully I can talk to D5 when QL gets back.

Court is on The 15th. Too bad I couldn't settle out of court. But I am going to come well prepared to avoid something like this ever happening again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

the Cubs would have won the World Series

before it was settle out of court

QL wanted everything, the kitchen sink

and the drip from the sink

QL is a virus....treat her as such


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> the Cubs would have won the World Series
> 
> before it was settle out of court
> 
> QL wanted everything, the kitchen sink
> 
> and the drip from the sink
> 
> QL is a virus....treat her as such


Somehow I get the idea she will still not produce the W2's.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Somehow I get the idea she will still not produce the W2's.


Bet the farm QL will not, does not benefit her

Group....you can call the school board and ask

what a school psychologist (sorry still have to SMH)

with x years experience makes. May be on web site

add in working summers and you may be able to

come close to what QL makes. 

Present this to judge, when s/he asks why a rough estimate

explain QL's refusal to disclose W-2's

Be humble and say, "Your honor, it is almost like she is

hiding something."

Hopefully what Conrad said is not true,

"In NY, I have a vagina, I always get what I want."


----------



## karole

Your wife is obviously not going to produce her W-2s. Have your lawyer serve a Third-Party Request to Produce on your wife's employer to get them.


----------



## LongWalk

This year I hope your daughter can start living more normally.

Do you speak Spanish to her?

Very good if you can. Perhaps on certain days you can speak in just one language?


----------



## tom67

karole said:


> Your wife is obviously not going to produce her W-2s. Have your lawyer serve a Third-Party Request to Produce on your wife's employer to get them.


I would still request a psych evaluation. Sure she can turn around and request you get one you are the one that is "sane".


----------



## Chuck71

or estimate how much QL makes

and add $10k to it

you could hear QL scream in Nova Scotia


----------



## ReGroup

Even in my dreams I can't escape this wretched woman.

7 straight nights!!!

Each night they keep intensifying like my brain wants to keep testing my resolve.

In one dream it was discovered that Queen Lizard was not D5s biological mother but actually an ex girlfriend of mine.
The ex went to pick up D5 and D5 became so happy. I would visit the new mom and D5 - we were all at peace and enjoyed each other's company. 

In the others QL and I were always in romantic situations...

Day 13 without talking to D5. I was taking things in stride but my emotions are intensifying bit by bit.

This whole situation is crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Come court time, you make sure this can't happen again.


----------



## Chuck71

stop drinking a fifth before bed :rofl:


----------



## bfree

Sounds like your dreams are reinforcing the fact that you need to get her out of your life as much and as soon as possible.


----------



## smallsteps

RG - 13 days is way too long. It's why you're having these dreams. You need to do something NOW!!

All I can tell you is before you go to bed try to clear your head of things. Find some sort of distraction. 

In the meantime, it's time to get to your lawyer and see if something can be done about this. She knows it's driving you crazy not to talk to D5 - she's trying to break you. 

Don't let her..


----------



## Chuck71

All jokes aside, Group....you know where I stand

court date, consider QL the 1974 Minnesota Vikings

you are the 1974 Pittsburgh Steelers

Super Bowl IX

21 carries-17 yards, 11 of 26 for 102 yards, 3 INT's

game is prob on utube in sections


----------



## GutPunch

Post QL and posom on Cheaterville and send her the link. She deserves it. She doesn't respect you and you need to fight back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

And you can anonymously send the link to the school where they work too. Punch them in the face ReGroup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> Post QL and posom on Cheaterville and send her the link. She deserves it. She doesn't respect you and you need to fight back.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let me see if I can find a picture... I deleted the copies I had in 2012.

It's Showtime.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Let me see if I can find a picture... I deleted the copies I had in 2012.
> 
> It's Showtime.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Let me see if I can find a picture... I deleted the copies I had in 2012.
> 
> It's Showtime.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes it is RG
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Day 16.

What a wench. I mean seriously. 

8 days till court. I am going to open up the gates of hell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Day 16.
> 
> 
> 
> What a wench. I mean seriously.
> 
> 
> 
> 8 days till court. I am going to open up the gates of hell.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



So, fighting on her turf?


----------



## GutPunch

Did you find the pics ReGroup? Punch her in the face. No mercy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> Did you find the pics ReGroup? Punch her in the face. No mercy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No picture posted anywhere - we searched everywhere.

Sux. 

My boy is going to keep me updated. She went to a wedding recently - if she post anything, I am going to do it.

Why she won't let this sh*t go is beyond me. Punishing her own daughter to get to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

ReGroup,

If you post on CV, make the text absolutely factual and without any BS emotion. It should just be like short Wikipedia entry.

You must rescue D from this crazy mom.

Doesn't your mom have old photos?

Ask someone you trust to visit her FB page.

The school may have staff pics.


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> ReGroup,
> 
> If you post on CV, make the text absolutely factual and without any BS emotion. It should just be like short Wikipedia entry.
> 
> You must rescue D from this crazy mom.


Before I do it I am posting the caption here.

And believe me, I don't have any passionate emotions (positive or negative) when it comes to her specifically. I just dislike the passive aggressive stuff she does w our daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GutPunch

Is your Lawyer aware of this. Legally there has got to be recourse. I think we know what QL's hurts are. Money and pride. CV and a legal battle will cause her head to explode. Hit her where you know it hurts. Cool Calm and Dispassionately of course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Yes, agree with GP. In her head she is already uncomfortable with the notion that you are more desirable that POSOM. He may be wondering what he got himself into by now.

He cannot propose marriage to her very well as long as you aren't divorced. How likely is it that she suspects he won't propose? If she had great hopes, she wouldn't dinked around with all the games to avoid getting it done.


----------



## Chuck71

Mornin' Group, I apologize for the long post in advance

There are two versions of rage, controlled and uncontrolled

I experienced the uncontrolled right after surgery

although I had all this hate and rage, I was empty, void, bereft 

I learned only controlled can be of any benefit 

You have an endgame scheduled (QL may postpone, be wary)

QL must account for keeping D5 from you

if your lawyer does not bring it up, tell him to GTH and you take over

documentation will be of help

once in place after court, if QL keeps D5 from you again

place warrant for her arrest, have police go to her work

that will happen one time, have someone take photos

the antics are almost over....

have your mom at court....trust me on this

youtube Rocky IV, ff to the fight with Drago

feel the pain Rocky felt through first two rounds

when he nails Drago and the announcer says, "He's cut, the Russian's cut"

something inside you will open up

in '88 it was a victory for me to move a limb

from getting around scooting on my knees to walking, leaned against wall

walk unimpeded to jogging...to running, to winning a 5k in '90

after winning, I lit a cigarette....I was 18....still had some rage left to burn

it's all about the Walk....nothing else

QL will notice it immediately, as will your mom


BTW.....if your mom pulverizes QL, I will start a FB fund for her

release and defense attorney


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> Mornin' Group, I apologize for the long post in advance
> 
> There are two versions of rage, controlled and uncontrolled
> 
> I experienced the uncontrolled right after surgery
> 
> although I had all this hate and rage, I was empty, void, bereft
> 
> I learned only controlled can be of any benefit
> 
> You have an endgame scheduled (QL may postpone, be wary)
> 
> QL must account for keeping D5 from you
> 
> if your lawyer does not bring it up, tell him to GTH and you take over
> 
> documentation will be of help
> 
> once in place after court, if QL keeps D5 from you again
> 
> place warrant for her arrest, have police go to her work
> 
> that will happen one time, have someone take photos
> 
> the antics are almost over....


I am so ready to pull the trigger on this.

If she does anything against the court order I am blowing the whistle.



Chuck71 said:


> youtube Rocky IV, ff to the fight with Drago
> 
> feel the pain Rocky felt through first two rounds
> 
> when he nails Drago and the announcer says, "He's cut, the Russian's cut"
> 
> something inside you will open up


I think I know the movie line for line. Lol 

I love it.

When I hear Adrain say, "You can't win Rocky"... it still pisses me off.

You make a good point though - I have controllable rage right now.


----------



## ReGroup

The Cold War is over!!!

After 19 days I got to speak w D5. And, I will have her this weekend.

I have to work, but Momma RG will handle the pick up at 9.

QL of course had to dig in a little...

QL: FYI: I don't feel comfortable at all with her being in your care this weekend after what you did to us a few weeks ago. I'm going against my gut instincts.

Allowing her to go and it's only because she truly wants to see you. It's disgusting that she's been waiting for her birthday present since December 5th and you keep promising it to her. She hasnt forgotten about it and has strong feelings about it. 

If she comes back having another terrible weekend like she's been telling me the last several times then other considerations may have to be taken into account.

RG: I am sorry you feel this way.

QL: No, you're really aren't. You don't care one bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

Do you ever throw a phrase or two in Spanish into the conversation?


----------



## ReGroup

Once in a blue.

I write better in English.

When I am fiery I speak in Spanish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

Can we just call her Loco from now on.

Have a great weekend with the kid RG.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Once in a blue.
> 
> I write better in English.
> 
> When I am fiery I speak in Spanish.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pinche loca.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> The Cold War is over!!!
> 
> 
> 
> After 19 days I got to speak w D5. And, I will have her this weekend.
> 
> 
> 
> I have to work, but Momma RG will handle the pick up at 9.
> 
> 
> 
> QL of course had to dig in a little...
> 
> 
> 
> QL: FYI: I don't feel comfortable at all with her being in your care this weekend after what you did to us a few weeks ago. I'm going against my gut instincts.
> 
> 
> 
> Allowing her to go and it's only because she truly wants to see you. It's disgusting that she's been waiting for her birthday present since December 5th and you keep promising it to her. She hasnt forgotten about it and has strong feelings about it.
> 
> 
> 
> If she comes back having another terrible weekend like she's been telling me the last several times then other considerations may have to be taken into account.
> 
> 
> 
> RG: I am sorry you feel this way.
> 
> 
> 
> QL: No, you're really aren't. You don't care one bit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Her sense of entitlement is epic.

Who does she think she is?

CT told me once, "I still want you to be apart of the kids life". 

No SH!T!!!!

I'm going to be whether you want me to or not. 

Give L what QL can't - your attention and your love. You know what I mean. It's why L loves you so much - your connection. People like QL and CT don't get it


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Her sense of entitlement is epic.
> 
> Who does she think she is?
> 
> CT told me once, "I still want you to be apart of the kids life".
> 
> No SH!T!!!!
> 
> I'm going to be whether you want me to or not.
> 
> Give L what QL can't - your attention and your love. You know what I mean. It's why L loves you so much - your connection. People like QL and CT don't get it


CG, top this type of crazy!

Momma RG was giving L a bath...

MRG says: L, who gives you baths?
L: Mommy and sometimes PosOM.

My mother was surprised - I wasn't.

QL calls L last night and L says, "Mommy, I don't want to talk now. I have a sore throat."

SMH, she was singing and dancing minutes before... Never complained about anything.

She was lying. I took L to task after the phone call for lying. It's not the first time she does it. I found it funny the first couple of times but no longer. 

Damn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> CG, top this type of crazy!
> 
> 
> 
> Momma RG was giving L a bath...
> 
> 
> 
> MRG says: L, who gives you baths?
> 
> L: Mommy and sometimes PosOM.
> 
> 
> 
> My mother was surprised - I wasn't.
> 
> 
> 
> QL calls L last night and L says, "Mommy, I don't want to talk now. I have a sore throat."
> 
> 
> 
> SMH, she was singing and dancing minutes before... Never complained about anything.
> 
> 
> 
> She was lying. I took L to task after the phone call for lying. It's not the first time she does it. I found it funny the first couple of times but no longer.
> 
> 
> 
> Damn.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Where do you think she learned how to avoid a phone call?

Have you checked POSOM's record?


----------



## just got it 55

Ceegee said:


> Where do you think she learned how to avoid a phone call?
> 
> Have you checked POSOM's record?


This scares the SH!T out of me

and RG it should you as well.


Take nothing for granted


----------



## GutPunch

ReGroup said:


> MRG says: L, who gives you baths?
> L: Mommy and sometimes PosOM.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




It just keeps getting worse and worse. Ugh!

How on Earth is that ok?

Punch them in the face ReGroup.


----------



## Ceegee

Ceegee said:


> Where do you think she learned how to avoid a phone call?
> 
> Have you checked POSOM's record?



If you want you can PM his name and I'll check him out. 

I have services that allow me to check a persons background. 

This disgusts me. 

Thank God D7 can give herself a bath.


----------



## 06Daddio08

Yeah ... when the ex and I split up I taught my daughter how to wash her privates on her own and explained when she should come to me. In the event she wasn't feeling okay down there.

I do wash her hair still, for the sake of the brush. But this .... yeah, not cool.


----------



## ReGroup

Thanks guys. I'm going to address it this Wednesday.

I was going to say something today at the exchange.

She requested a later pick up and I agreed to it.

When the exchange occurred ... If looks could kill I would be dead. She remained silent. I didn't say a word - F it.

Had a great time w L. It's all that matters.

CG... I'll PM you later tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

The Chesterville post is good way to shed some light on him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lifescript

I'd put a STOP to that right away. That's not ok. 

RG, 

This OM is same guy she was seeing when you guys split?


----------



## Chuck71

just when we think QL has uncovered new depths

of lowbreed....she makes posom give L a bath....

bet the farm posom didn't offer to

QL no longer has any hold on Group

her claws have shifted to posom

Always remember, L is the only way to get to you now

QL wants you to explode right before court

do not explode....have judge set everything

QL will test boundaries after court hearing

1st time, nail her to the wall

MamaGroup will be very pivotal over 2014

a level headed motherly presence 

here is my prediction for 2014,

QL will pressure posom to get married

this summer and....will be pregnant by year's end


----------



## just got it 55

Chuck71 said:


> just when we think QL has uncovered new depths
> 
> of lowbreed....she makes posom give L a bath....
> 
> bet the farm posom didn't offer to
> 
> QL no longer has any hold on Group
> 
> her claws have shifted to posom
> 
> Always remember, L is the only way to get to you now
> 
> QL wants you to explode right before court
> 
> do not explode....have judge set everything
> 
> QL will test boundaries after court hearing
> 
> 1st time, nail her to the wall
> 
> MamaGroup will be very pivotal over 2014
> 
> a level headed motherly presence
> 
> here is my prediction for 2014,
> 
> QL will pressure posom to get married
> 
> this summer and....will be pregnant by year's end


Chuck I don't think the POSOM will last that long

she still digs RG

55


----------



## vi_bride04

......If I was a mother, there is NO WAY I would let any male wash my young daughter other than her father!!! 

What is QL thinking??

Oh wait....


----------



## Chuck71

just got it 55 said:


> Chuck I don't think the POSOM will last that long
> 
> she still digs RG
> 
> 55


I still dig Rene Russo

I get no love in return


----------



## ReGroup

vi_bride04 said:


> ......If I was a mother, there is NO WAY I would let any male wash my young daughter other than her father!!!
> 
> What is QL thinking??
> 
> Oh wait....


She's something else. 

She keeps raising up the ante. 

Wednesday is our court date and I couldn't be more excited.

I called L tonight to see how she felt about the weekend and the gifts I bought her and it went...
Unanswered.

Lawyer called me today and confirmed the date, site and time. He also said: I have a funny feeling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55

ReGroup said:


> She's something else.
> 
> She keeps raising up the ante.
> 
> Wednesday is our court date and I couldn't be more excited.
> 
> I called L tonight to see how she felt about the weekend and the gifts I bought her and it went...
> Unanswered.
> 
> Lawyer called me today and confirmed the date, site and time. He also said: I have a funny feeling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


RG Do tell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## smallsteps

Only one more day RG. Just hang in there.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> She's something else.
> 
> She keeps raising up the ante.
> 
> Wednesday is our court date and I couldn't be more excited.
> 
> I called L tonight to see how she felt about the weekend and the gifts I bought her and it went...
> Unanswered.
> 
> Lawyer called me today and confirmed the date, site and time. He also said: I have a funny feeling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What is he doing to make sure the W2's are available?


----------



## ReGroup

just got it 55 said:


> RG Do tell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Brother 55, 

There have been so many twist to this tale - he said he wouldn't be surprised if there were more.

He has a funny suspicion that she won't go and pleaded that I call her to make sure she does.

She hasn't brought it up. 

I am going to go over there w no care in the world.

If she doesn't attend, hopefully I can get my demands in.

God, I wish you guys could go in there w me for the laughs.

Easiest divorce of all time, going to court!!! I think the judge will find the humor in this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> What is he doing to make sure the W2's are available?


Look who's back!!!

He can't do anything. 

Being that we have a pending case in family court for child support, their decision trumps his calculations.

He wanted her to drop the family court case... He would comply with their figures, tack on the after school daycare stuff (I earn more so I'd pay more), have us sign... And be divorced.

Easy.

But no. 

It's going to court for no logical reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

I just noticed we are at the 400 page mark.

I thank you all for your participation - we have learned much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 06Daddio08

Good luck in court.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> I just noticed we are at the 400 page mark.
> 
> I thank you all for your participation - we have learned much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


tomorrow is your day Group

have on your gameface

Bobby Knight Game Face - YouTube


----------



## Lifescript

Good luck tomorrow RG.


----------



## Pluto2

RG,
Could I suggest that tonight you make a checklist of every issue you want the court to address, and every piece of relevant evidence you want to present. That way, should the things get off-track during court you can always go back to the checklist. That way nothing falls through the cracks as can happen when there's multiple filings. Not that you don't trust your attorney, but we're all human. Good luck.


----------



## ReGroup

Pluto2 said:


> RG,
> Could I suggest that tonight you make a checklist of every issue you want the court to address, and every piece of relevant evidence you want to present. That way, should the things get off-track during court you can always go back to the checklist. That way nothing falls through the cracks as can happen when there's multiple filings. Not that you don't trust your attorney, but we're all human. Good luck.


Nifty. 

I'll work on the list now. 

I have to beware of the baiting. I am going to play it cool.


----------



## tom67

It could be worse you could be the cubs new mascot


----------



## tom67

Good luck in court.
I hope the judge sees through all the bs.


----------



## LongWalk

More custody. Especially if your mom can take care of D.


----------



## just got it 55

Good Luck RG

This should go as smooth as the Paris peace talks

Bring Kissinger with you

55


----------



## tom67

just got it 55 said:


> Good Luck RG
> 
> This should go as smooth as the Paris peace talks
> 
> Bring Kissinger with you
> 
> 55



Bring Dennis Rodman with you I'll bet your stbxw and him/it is as crazy as she is.


----------



## just got it 55

tom67 said:


> Bring Dennis Rodman with you I'll bet your stbxw and him/it is as crazy as she is.


Love it or for the Mets Fans

Bobby Valentine


----------



## tom67

just got it 55 said:


> Love it or for the Mets Fans
> 
> Bobby Valentine


Bobby Bonilla


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Bobby Bonilla


We are still paying him.


----------



## just got it 55

tom67 said:


> Bobby Bonilla


Yeah But but Bobby V can really run a clown court

see Red Sox 2012


----------



## ReGroup

The eve of the preliminary conference and I am feeling a sense of excitement.*

A part of me is holding back in life because of the technicalities of this marriage.*

Damn woman is still my wife and I am her husband legally - for now.

Whatever...

I did a little reminiscing tonight: the good and bad times.*

We surely had both. Me and that girl grew up together. She was 22 and I 23 when we met.

We first met at a restaurant/bar. My boys and I came from a another bar.*

As soon as we get there my friend whispers into my ear, "RG, that girl is looking at you."

I said: Nah, that girl is out of my league.

Nevertheless, I went up to her and we dance the rest of the night. Yes, at a restaurant/bar - that's how we get down in NYC.

She was there with a few people.*

After a certain time her people wanted to leave, so I promised to pay her cab if she'd stay and she did.

I didn't pay the cab fare... I lied. Lol.

Woman fell for me no question. Lots of love, affection, with a sprinkle of crazy. Ok, maybe more than a sprinkle.

We dated for 5 years and got married. We had L coming down the road, so it was the right thing to do right, right, right?

Fast forward some, we just f*cked sh*t up.

You want to talk about Mavash.'s Brick Story, we were that.
*God I miss Mavash.

I was a mediocre husband at best. IF there is a type of person to get cheated on - it certainly would be me. It's the truth.

I don't fit The Nice Guy mold entirely. I do what mostly I want. She often complained, "machismo this, machismo that. You control our entire relationship. We only do what you want to do. It's 80-20 in your favor... You are not affectionate..." And it was true. Though, she never held herself accountable for anything she did. We spent our relationship pointing the finger at everyone but...

It was chaos. We each thought we were the healthier partner - when neither of us had a clue what it took to sustain a maturing relationship.*

I would often ask myself, "is this right???"

Mrs. RG definitely voiced her beefs with me. I did some adjustments, but they as hell weren't enough. I did the same with the same results on her end.

When L was born I became a different person.*

My friends would often say, "RG, you got old quick".

I lost my pizzaz.*

It took this BS to get most of it back.*

Everyone is noticing and I am happy about it.

As for her... She definitely has a right to be upset with me. I wasn't the husband that I should have been. I sucked. I wasn't true to myself so how could I be a fit and outstanding husband?*

But she sucked too. We both did.*

And for me NOW ... It's ok, because never again.

Mrs. RG knows this.

I am ready.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> The eve of the preliminary conference and I am feeling a sense of excitement.*
> 
> A part of me is holding back in life because of the technicalities of this marriage.*
> 
> Damn woman is still my wife and I am her husband legally - for now.
> 
> Whatever...
> 
> I did a little reminiscing tonight: the good and bad times.*
> 
> We surely had both. Me and that girl grew up together. She was 22 and I 23 when we met.
> 
> We first met at a restaurant/bar. My boys and I came from a another bar.*
> 
> As soon as we get there my friend whispers into my ear, "RG, that girl is looking at you."
> 
> I said: Nah, that girl is out of my league.
> 
> Nevertheless, I went up to her and we dance the rest of the night. Yes, at a restaurant/bar - that's how we get down in NYC.
> 
> She was there with a few people.*
> 
> After a certain time her people wanted to leave, so I promised to pay her cab if she'd stay and she did.
> 
> I didn't pay the cab fare... I lied. Lol.
> 
> Woman fell for me no question. Lots of love, affection, with a sprinkle of crazy. Ok, maybe more than a sprinkle.
> 
> We dated for 5 years and got married. We had L coming down the road, so it was the right thing to do right, right, right?
> 
> Fast forward some, we just f*cked sh*t up.
> 
> You want to talk about Mavash.'s Brick Story, we were that.
> *God I miss Mavash.
> 
> I was a mediocre husband at best. IF there is a type of person to get cheated on - it certainly would be me. It's the truth.
> 
> I don't fit The Nice Guy mold entirely. I do what mostly I want. She often complained, "machismo this, machismo that. You control our entire relationship. We only do what you want to do. It's 80-20 in your favor... You are not affectionate..." And it was true. Though, she never held herself accountable for anything she did. We spent our relationship pointing the finger at everyone but...
> 
> It was chaos. We each thought we were the healthier partner - when neither of us had a clue what it took to sustain a maturing relationship.*
> 
> I would often ask myself, "is this right???"
> 
> Mrs. RG definitely voiced her beefs with me. I did some adjustments, but they as hell weren't enough. I did the same with the same results on her end.
> 
> When L was born I became a different person.*
> 
> My friends would often say, "RG, you got old quick".
> 
> I lost my pizzaz.*
> 
> It took this BS to get most of it back.*
> 
> Everyone is noticing and I am happy about it.
> 
> As for her... She definitely has a right to be upset with me. I wasn't the husband that I should have been. I sucked. I wasn't true to myself so how could I be a fit and outstanding husband?*
> 
> But she sucked too. We both did.*
> 
> And for me NOW ... It's ok, because never again.
> 
> Mrs. RG knows this.
> 
> I am ready.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are a good man.
Both you and I on various levels got sucked in to the mainstream theme instead of reading mmslp.
You are starting to make me cry not because your story is sad but your self realization.
Ok I'll shut up.
I want you to pm jerry123 he is one of the few sahd's that has his sh!t together.
Tell him I sent you we had a great convo.
If he doesn't respond I'll tell you privately what we talked about.
Stay strong.


----------



## ICLH

ReGroup said:


> The eve of the preliminary conference and I am feeling a sense of excitement.*
> 
> A part of me is holding back in life because of the technicalities of this marriage.*
> 
> Damn woman is still my wife and I am her husband legally - for now.
> 
> Whatever...
> 
> I did a little reminiscing tonight: the good and bad times.*
> 
> We surely had both. Me and that girl grew up together. She was 22 and I 23 when we met.
> 
> We first met at a restaurant/bar. My boys and I came from a another bar.*
> 
> As soon as we get there my friend whispers into my ear, "RG, that girl is looking at you."
> 
> I said: Nah, that girl is out of my league.
> 
> Nevertheless, I went up to her and we dance the rest of the night. Yes, at a restaurant/bar - that's how we get down in NYC.
> 
> She was there with a few people.*
> 
> After a certain time her people wanted to leave, so I promised to pay her cab if she'd stay and she did.
> 
> I didn't pay the cab fare... I lied. Lol.
> 
> Woman fell for me no question. Lots of love, affection, with a sprinkle of crazy. Ok, maybe more than a sprinkle.
> 
> We dated for 5 years and got married. We had L coming down the road, so it was the right thing to do right, right, right?
> 
> Fast forward some, we just f*cked sh*t up.
> 
> You want to talk about Mavash.'s Brick Story, we were that.
> *God I miss Mavash.
> 
> I was a mediocre husband at best. IF there is a type of person to get cheated on - it certainly would be me. It's the truth.
> 
> I don't fit The Nice Guy mold entirely. I do what mostly I want. She often complained, "machismo this, machismo that. You control our entire relationship. We only do what you want to do. It's 80-20 in your favor... You are not affectionate..." And it was true. Though, she never held herself accountable for anything she did. We spent our relationship pointing the finger at everyone but...
> 
> It was chaos. We each thought we were the healthier partner - when neither of us had a clue what it took to sustain a maturing relationship.*
> 
> I would often ask myself, "is this right???"
> 
> Mrs. RG definitely voiced her beefs with me. I did some adjustments, but they as hell weren't enough. I did the same with the same results on her end.
> 
> When L was born I became a different person.*
> 
> My friends would often say, "RG, you got old quick".
> 
> I lost my pizzaz.*
> 
> It took this BS to get most of it back.*
> 
> Everyone is noticing and I am happy about it.
> 
> As for her... She definitely has a right to be upset with me. I wasn't the husband that I should have been. I sucked. I wasn't true to myself so how could I be a fit and outstanding husband?*
> 
> But she sucked too. We both did.*
> 
> And for me NOW ... It's ok, because never again.
> 
> Mrs. RG knows this.
> 
> I am ready.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Crazy. Makes me tear up to read this. This is how my husband and I met and very similar to how are relationship went down minus the child. We have no contact now but I often wonder how he feels about the ending of our relationship. 

Sending positive thoughts your way ...


----------



## helolover

ReGroup said:


> The eve of the preliminary conference and I am feeling a sense of excitement.*
> 
> A part of me is holding back in life because of the technicalities of this marriage.*
> 
> Damn woman is still my wife and I am her husband legally - for now.
> 
> Whatever...
> 
> I did a little reminiscing tonight: the good and bad times.*
> 
> We surely had both. Me and that girl grew up together. She was 22 and I 23 when we met.
> 
> We first met at a restaurant/bar. My boys and I came from a another bar.*
> 
> As soon as we get there my friend whispers into my ear, "RG, that girl is looking at you."
> 
> I said: Nah, that girl is out of my league.
> 
> Nevertheless, I went up to her and we dance the rest of the night. Yes, at a restaurant/bar - that's how we get down in NYC.
> 
> She was there with a few people.*
> 
> After a certain time her people wanted to leave, so I promised to pay her cab if she'd stay and she did.
> 
> I didn't pay the cab fare... I lied. Lol.
> 
> Woman fell for me no question. Lots of love, affection, with a sprinkle of crazy. Ok, maybe more than a sprinkle.
> 
> We dated for 5 years and got married. We had L coming down the road, so it was the right thing to do right, right, right?
> 
> Fast forward some, we just f*cked sh*t up.
> 
> You want to talk about Mavash.'s Brick Story, we were that.
> *God I miss Mavash.
> 
> I was a mediocre husband at best. IF there is a type of person to get cheated on - it certainly would be me. It's the truth.
> 
> I don't fit The Nice Guy mold entirely. I do what mostly I want. She often complained, "machismo this, machismo that. You control our entire relationship. We only do what you want to do. It's 80-20 in your favor... You are not affectionate..." And it was true. Though, she never held herself accountable for anything she did. We spent our relationship pointing the finger at everyone but...
> 
> It was chaos. We each thought we were the healthier partner - when neither of us had a clue what it took to sustain a maturing relationship.*
> 
> I would often ask myself, "is this right???"
> 
> Mrs. RG definitely voiced her beefs with me. I did some adjustments, but they as hell weren't enough. I did the same with the same results on her end.
> 
> When L was born I became a different person.*
> 
> My friends would often say, "RG, you got old quick".
> 
> I lost my pizzaz.*
> 
> It took this BS to get most of it back.*
> 
> Everyone is noticing and I am happy about it.
> 
> As for her... She definitely has a right to be upset with me. I wasn't the husband that I should have been. I sucked. I wasn't true to myself so how could I be a fit and outstanding husband?*
> 
> But she sucked too. We both did.*
> 
> And for me NOW ... It's ok, because never again.
> 
> Mrs. RG knows this.
> 
> I am ready.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're gonna be ok, bro. 

I've watched you through this.

You've inspired me on my journey.

Good things are coming for you.

-HL


----------



## happyman64

Momma RG's boy has grown up.



> Mrs RG knows this.


And while you think this may be true I hope one day soon you can tell her what you wrote above to her face.

And that she understands what you are telling her.

Good luck today RG.

HM


----------



## smallsteps

Good luck today RG. 

We all make mistakes. We are not perfect. I believe as long as we learn from them, as long as we recognize and admit our faults, as long as we are willing to do something about them - then we'll be okay. We've learned something, we've grown.

That's what life is about RG, growth and change. I think you've done that - you'll be fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beyondrepair

Hello RG.

Not familiar with the rest of your story, but your last post also made me tear up.

Can relate.

Best of luck.


----------



## Chuck71

Group.....Group......as I read your post, halfway through

I felt it was an epilogue, a review and a pre preface for book two

you have a writing bug in you, down the road.... look into it

we spoke first as you worked in a computer softwear company

Mr. Anderson became Neo and.....you reclaimed the world

You came in as a shy kid named Ed Hearn, 1986 NY Mets

you concluded as Gary Carter, a consummate leader 

the Sun rose this morning (end of Matrix 3)

the Walk, the Way....... the future is yours


----------



## Conrad

I'm running short on XL cap and gowns.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> I'm running short on XL cap and gowns.


I could see a whole court room full of them.


----------



## LongWalk

Excellent post, RG. Even inspirational if I may say so.

Many people has POS tendencies. The sad truth is that as Tolstoy put it in Anna Karenina there are many ways to fvck up your marriage and life: 



> Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.


There is even a principle named after this wisdom.

In TAM there are many apects of relationships that nearly guarantee failure:

-lack of trust
-infidelity
-craziness
-sexual mismatch
-sexual dysfunction
-both are type A personalities
-toxic friends

and so on. Any single one is enough to torpedo the ship. Some factors are not within the control of the partners. If someone is a reservist and gets called up for two straight deployments, is it any wonder that there marriages fail during or after the long separations?

Poisonous family problems. Toxic work situations.

It is sad that we often make our spouse worse when our marriages fail. We take out more than we put in and there are all sorts of scars.

Once the divorce is final, RG, you can always write a letter of apology to your stbx and write more or less half of what your wrote in this post, the half that acknowledges your shortcomings. Once that is done, you can forgive yourself and move on. Concentrate on being a good dad.

Your stbx fought for you and fought hard by doing mostly destructive things, like screwing POSOM. All the energy she put into her crazy emails... what a tragic waste. What if she had offered NC, said sorry, said she loved you early on? No, she wanted her own fan club. She wanted to wallow in crazy.

Your stbx did not have Mavash. I miss her, too.

LostLove's stbx WW is a different personality from yours, but shares certain characteristics. He is now getting to the point of pushing the divorce through. At the 11th hours she is having second thoughts. 

re: Jerry123
Great thread. I have exchanged some PMs with him the past. Tom, was there some reason he could not update his thread?


----------



## Pluto2

good, good thoughts for you and your children today.


----------



## just got it 55

Live and learn RG Live and learn

Good for you baby Bro

55


----------



## ReGroup

Aces guys, aced one of my finals.

I will update in detail tomorrow - but it could not have gone better.

The clerk and judge joked that we should teach a class in "How to handle yourself in court while divorcing".

Lots of baiting, but I avoided the mine fields.

Team RG, her and I were sitting together waiting ... Cracking jokes, talking about motorcycles, retirement, etc...

The clerk said, "I am waiting for the shoe to drop... "

I said, "Don't worry, you are not on candid camera."

He said, "Why are you guys divorcing? This doesn't feel right."

I said, "You want a hug? I'll give you one." 

QL asked to hangout afterwards, but I deflected it...

I didn't want to chance it. We could have some momentum.

PS: Team RG mentioned: This went well. But I know she's a handful.

I just smiled.

If we tie up loose ends, we'll be divorced in 6 months after the fact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Aces guys, aced one of my finals.
> 
> I will update in detail tomorrow - but it could not have gone better.
> 
> The clerk and judge joked that we should teach a class in "How to handle yourself in court while divorcing".
> 
> Lots of baiting, but I avoided the mine fields.
> 
> Team RG, her and I were sitting together waiting ... Cracking jokes, talking about motorcycles, retirement, etc...
> 
> The clerk said, "I am waiting for the shoe to drop... "
> 
> I said, "Don't worry, you are not on candid camera."
> 
> He said, "Why are you guys divorcing? This doesn't feel right."
> 
> I said, "You want a hug? I'll give you one."
> 
> QL asked to hangout afterwards, but I deflected it...
> 
> I didn't want to chance it. We could have some momentum.
> 
> PS: Team RG mentioned: This went well. But I know she's a handful.
> 
> I just smiled.
> 
> If we tie up loose ends, we'll be divorced in 6 months after the fact.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup::smthumbup:
I hope you get 50/50 with the kid.
I wish you had 100% but hey I can dream.


----------



## Chuck71

I owe you a fifth of whatever you want!


----------



## ReGroup

Chucky, I want more than a fifth.

Full detailed version of yesterday's preliminary conference.

When I got to the court house, I immediately saw Team RG waiting for me in the final row of the court house. The conferences were either held in full view of the waiting public or in the judge's chamber.

When he saw me, we walked me out of the room and treated me to some coffee. We sat down on bench a discussed what would go on and what our game plan would be.

QL texted me that she was running late and I responded with "cool".

My lawyer expressed to me that this didn't need to go this far but as he could see the other party was being uncooperative.*

He gives me a step by step layout about what was going to happen when we meet with the clerks and the judge. In New York State they really encourage couples to work out there difference without much assistance from State Officials.

I addressed my concerns about what was going on between the to of us and he shot it down quick: The judge does not care about what has gone down in the past only what is going down today and in the future.

Whatever...

After about 15 minutes of information exchanging we transport to the waiting area out side the court house and she walks in. We were sitting on a couch filling paper work and she sits besides me facing Team RG. She greeted me this time at least.*

There was some tension, but it wasn't too demonstrative.

My lawyer gave her the run down of what he and I discussed. She is representing herself and her knowledge of the divorce system is limited to what she could research online.*

After 15 minutes we were in agreement of everything - we settled outside the court room. What's funny is that it's been settled for months. She claimed that I was a poor communicator (bait #1).

She informed my lawyer that she had filed a motion in September when I stopped paying child support. Because we have a case in family court unresolved, nothing can move forward until they make a monetary decision. She made mention of me having her served at work, even though we agreed not to do such a thing. (Bait #2)

*I don't think I was part of that agreement - being that she was divorcing me at that time.

Her motion for divorce called for us to meet sometime in November, but she made me aware of such meeting only 3 days prior so it had to be postponed.

I was confused just listening to all this stuff as was my lawyer.

So after we discuss everything, we go into the court room and wait for our turn.

Place looked like a room full of lost souls. People crying, spouses sitting at opposite ends, etc...

Us 3 sat together and just started discussing everyday life stuff. Tension was gone. We talked, talked, and talked.*

My lawyer started giving us parenting advice, encouraging us to be peaceful for the sake of our child. She quipped, "He's the that refuses to communicate - I don't hate him, I can't say the same for him." (Bait #3)

Stay centered RG, stay centered.

No response from me, gets us back into conversation mode. She starts showing my lawyer pictures of L and describes that she has superior intellect, was a fine child, very articulate, blah blah blah... She then says, "If there is one thing we don't do is talk bad about each other in front of L"... LOL. I could have inserted a snide remark, but I have learned too much to do such a thing.

All and all... Pleasant.

We are suddenly summoned to a private room with the clerk. We sit down, Team RG is all smiles... We are sitting comfortably and the clerk starts asking questions. He seemed curious. I answered his questions to me... At times QL, would finish my answers till I joked to Team RG, "Hey, she's stealing my spotlight - what's going on here?"

Team RG: What do you expect? She's still your wife.

Everyone is laughing including the clerk.

He then gets serious and I say, "You have never seen something like this right?"

Clerk says, "I am waiting for the other shoe to drop".

Me: You are not on candid camera.

Team RG: You are not being punk'd.

More laughter.

Me: You want a hug? I'll give you a hug.

Clerk: Never in my days. I am going to try to get the judge to see you guys quick!!!

Me: My man.

So he walks out nervously, looking back at us one last time like he was looking at deranged lunatics.

We make our way back to the court room. QL makes sure she sits next to me and starts telling me that she is hungry: I am hungry, I am hungry, I am hungry.

That won't work on me, I avoided it.

My lawyer starts talking to me about the housing market and my interest in purchasing soon. He lives where I work so he is going to introduce me to some people that can help.

We start discussing divorce and QL mentions: It's a shame how many people are getting divorced.

I respond with: Team RG doesn't mind that at all!

We were talking so much the guard nicely asks us to pipe down.

Then I notice the clerk looking at us like we were in The Twilight Zone.

QL, "They are probably asking themselves why we are getting divorced".

Team RG: You two need to come out with an instructional video.

We then start discussing women purchasing buying motorcycles and I said: I wouldn't let wifey 2.0 buy a motorcycle...

QL, "See, see, see Team RG that's his controlling side." (Bait #4)

He laughed.

We then were summoned to the judges chamber. She's famous for giving people a pep talk. She didn't give us one. I said, "Judge where is our pep talk?"

She spoke to us about what was going to happen in the near future. 6 more months after I propose a holiday schedule. We were in and out.

While gathering our stuff I tell QL, "If you need anything, call Team RG. He's going to take care of this."

I gave Team RG a hug and said: We are so close.

QL starts shaking her head.

He and I leave the room. As we head for the Exit, QL quickly catches up to us.

She says, "I need to go to the bathroom."

I say, "Ok, goodbye."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Clerk is in denial, serious denial

WC and I were very friendly on our final

went way out of her way

QL thinks all this is some kind of game

did she bring up you didn't want L tested

lol at 4.....SMH......you have traveled the journey

is not anything I can share with you, you do not already know

cover your finances in next round...

now I will ask the question

1a-how is your brain telling you how you feel

1b-how is your heart telling you how to feel


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> 1a-how is your brain telling you how you feel
> 
> 1b-how is your heart telling you how to feel


My brain is telling me: She's a shrew-devil. Image conscience. Her display yesterday was all a front to appear like a great woman. We know the truth - even Team RG joked about seeing beyond the facade. 

My heart: IDGF


----------



## smallsteps

Sounds like things went well RG. You handled yourself like a pro with her and didn't fall for any of her traps. Good for you!! Nicely done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Do you still not know where your d lives?


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> My brain is telling me: She's a shrew-devil. Image conscience. Her display yesterday was all a front to appear like a great woman. We know the truth - even Team RG joked about seeing beyond the facade.
> 
> My heart: IDGF


reckon Conrad can connect image of Vouge cover

and QL's face with heading 

"Queen Lizard Lurking"


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> Do you still not know where your d lives?


Yes. I got hold of the address in The Summer.

She had it written it down in D5's bookbag and I snatched it.

I am going to PM Jerry: Tommy sent me. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55

Speachless


----------



## ReGroup

just got it 55 said:


> Speachless


We certainly have been tested by this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Yes. I got hold of the address in The Summer.
> 
> She had it written it down in D5's bookbag and I snatched it.
> 
> I am going to PM Jerry: Tommy sent me. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good this calls for a celebration

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CPz7pkYcgg


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> We certainly have been tested by this woman.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes, but realize how she has been tested by you. 

She pushed all the buttons on the soda machine and got nothing. 

Has been getting nothing for a long time yet she still tries. 

You're light years ahead of her.


----------



## Chuck71

somewhere..............................Mav is smiling


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Yes, but realize how she has been tested by you.
> 
> She pushed all the buttons on the soda machine and got nothing.
> 
> Has been getting nothing for a long time yet she still tries.
> 
> You're light years ahead of her.


She hasn't budged an inch.


----------



## karole

Did you raise the issue of the POS bathing your daughter?


----------



## ReGroup

karole said:


> Did you raise the issue of the POS bathing your daughter?


I didn't have one on one time. 

But we will get to do that. I KNOW she is going to deny it. 

She has called L a liar before, I am sure she will again.


----------



## Pluto2

The "I need to go to the bathroom" closing remark just made me laugh out loud.


----------



## LongWalk

She was hungry? Wanted RG to say, "Oh, to celebrate our civilized divorce, I invite you to lunch."

Then at lunch she would hint that is not too late to fight for her. 

Poor woman. She probably even baits herself when she's alone.

RG,

Well done. Hope you find out who POSOM is so that you can do a background check.


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Poor woman. She probably even baits herself when she's alone.


Useless without pictures


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Useless without pictures


At 50K that's all I saw. 

I did alot of internal laughing as she spoke about this, that, etc... 

It kept enlightening my mood.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> At 50K that's all I saw.
> 
> I did alot of internal laughing as she spoke about this, that, etc...
> 
> It kept enlightening my mood.


now we need one for LLs Trampoline 

I'm sure CG, Conrad or LW will come up with

a distinguished pic 

:rofl:


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> I want you to pm jerry123 he is one of the few sahd's that has his sh!t together.
> Tell him I sent you we had a great convo.
> If he doesn't respond I'll tell you privately what we talked about.
> Stay strong.


Ok, I reached out. 

I feel like I gave a password to a secret society. Lol.


----------



## Chuck71

lick the alphabet


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> now we need one for LLs Trampoline
> 
> I'm sure CG, Conrad or LW will come up with
> 
> a distinguished pic
> 
> :rofl:


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


>


She's kind of hot.


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Ok, I reached out.
> 
> I feel like I gave a password to a secret society. Lol.


Secret squirrel.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> She's kind of hot.


Check the odometer.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Check the odometer.



Watch it I'll send "Clark" to visit you.
You won't be the same

Washington TV station mistakenly airs image of Clark the Cub altered to include penis - NY Daily News


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Check the odometer.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

rode more guys than Greyhound

screwed more people than IRS

will climb through windows to attack you

wait....that's WC


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> rode more guys than Greyhound
> 
> screwed more people than IRS
> 
> will climb through windows to attack you
> 
> wait....that's WC


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> I’m going to continue recording my journey – I want you guys to come along for the ride. I know I’m not out of the woods yet.


:rofl: and what a ride it was! :smthumbup:

:BoomSmilie_anim:


----------



## ReGroup

Chuck71 said:


> :rofl: and what a ride it was! :smthumbup:
> 
> :BoomSmilie_anim:


Clear skies from here on out!

Who the F' wrote that opening statement???!!!


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Clear skies from here on out!
> 
> 
> 
> Who the F' wrote that opening statement???!!!



Hopefully post D goes smoother for you than it has for me. 

You're doing great with QL so things are looking good. Just keep it up. 

Wish we were all closer together. Backyard BBQ with all the kids - and our newer, younger, sexier, saner hotties talking amongst themselves about how amazing we are in bed and how they wish they could thank our X's for leaving us - would be awesome.


----------



## ReGroup

Ceegee said:


> Hopefully post D goes smoother for you than it has for me.
> 
> You're doing great with QL so things are looking good. Just keep it up.
> 
> Wish we were all closer together. Backyard BBQ with all the kids - and our newer, younger, sexier, saner hotties talking amongst themselves about how amazing we are in bed and how they wish they could thank our X's for leaving us - would be awesome.


Sign me up for that any day.

I think my situation will follow the course of yours. QL and CT are very much the same. When I follow your thread I feel like I am getting a glimpse into the future.

Remember, QL didn't let me contact L for 20 days. 

We are going to follow your same exact path.

She won't change her ways or at least anytime soon. A pleasant court day won't change a thing.

In fact, my phone call today went unanswered. Nothing changes but the date.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Sign me up for that any day.
> 
> 
> 
> I think my situation will follow the course of yours. QL and CT are very much the same. When I follow your thread I feel like I am getting a glimpse into the future.
> 
> 
> 
> Remember, QL didn't let me contacting L for 20 days.
> 
> 
> 
> We are going to follow your same exact path.
> 
> 
> 
> She won't change her ways or at least anytime soon. A pleasant court day won't change a thing.
> 
> 
> 
> In fact, my phone call today went unanswered. Nothing changes but the date.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Well, then, settle in. It's going to be a bumpy ride. 

Although, not only do I talk to kids almost every night, they call me. 

It helps that mine are older. 

What I have not done a good job at is separating the emotion from the situation. I still let the things she says and does hurt sometimes. 

I'll do well for a while and it's like she gets a sense that I'm good and she'll do something to pull me back in. 

It appears you are much better at this than I. 

Gotta say RG, you have come a long way over the last several months. Proud of you.


----------



## ReGroup

I think we can help each other in that case.

I have my strength and weaknesses as do you.

My model is: figure out the response that she desires and do the complete opposite.
Easier to do via email and text messages - I feel.

In person I am not as effective.

She withheld communications with L from me for 20 days to orchestrate some type of battle. I saw that early and when the moment came I plainly said, "Ill pick her up." When she questioned my parenting abilities, "I am sorry you feel that way".

You would be crazy to think it didn't hurt me, it did... But I refused to give her the response she wanted.

Fortunately it was via text where I could gather my feelings, recognize it and write what I wanted.

In person, it would have been different. I'm working on that. I process emotions slowly and can't communicate well when riled up.

Point is I refuse to give her the satisfaction of seeing me sweat. Never again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jerry123

Just got your PM. I've read a few posts on your thread. I will read more tomorrow. Going out with wife tonight just the two of us and plan on partying with her all night. Then some alpha pounding afterwords.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

jerry123 said:


> Just got your PM. I've read a few posts on your thread. I will read more tomorrow. Going out with wife tonight just the two of us and plan on partying with her all night. Then some alpha pounding afterwords.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Jerry glad things are going well.
RG picking up gf then going my sisters and d15, grandparents bringing her up at sis's place.
Bringing gf back to my place and start a fire.:FIREdevil:

Jerry has proven you can be a SAHD and survive.


----------



## ReGroup

I have to look up what SAHD means.

Damn boys - I want in on the "secret".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Stay At Home Dad?
Stay At Home Dads have it rough?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Honorbound

ReGroup said:


> Stay At Home Dad?
> Stay At Home Dads have it rough?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's from the loss of respect due to the role reversal. You have to really get your alpha on to pull it off.


----------



## jerry123

I've read about a 1/4 of this thread. Realized it started back in 2012. From your PM I thought it had to do with a SAHD situation. But you work full time. 

Is she still with POSOM???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

jerry123 said:


> I've read about a 1/4 of this thread. Realized it started back in 2012. From your PM I thought it had to do with a SAHD situation. But you work full time.
> 
> Is she still with POSOM???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes he was a late bloomer.
I just wanted you to tell him how mmslp transformed you.
Talk about a woman who flat out told you she wanted to bang you.
My ex has been trying I finally have enough self respect to not...
At least today.


----------



## jerry123

Well I read a lot of your thread and it seems you are ready to start a new life. Congrats on getting the energy draining XW out of your life. 


Yeah, the last 2 years of my life has been crazy to say the least. Before I started reading MMSG I was a BETA SAHD. I used to be a tool and die maker when in 2004 my wife and I decided I would quit my job and stay home with my son. It actually went well, and in 2006 my daughter was born. Things were going great, kids had their dad around all day and my wife was able to work her busy schedule and not worry about the kids. She moved up the ladder and in 2010 was promoted to VP at her company and was given command of a newly formed area in her company. 

It's funny how things were slowly changing in our marriage. I really did not notice at first but her respect for me was getting to near zero. Sex was 1-2 x a month and she bad mouthed me in front of people and I just sat there a did nothing. 

Then in 2011 I noticed a neighbor guy would always be talking sexual things in front of my wife when we would be at parties or Bon fires with him. They would be jokes, or sex stories and I noticed it would be done to see how far this guy could go to get a laugh from my wife. 
This guy was married with 2 kids and his wife was a SAHM who was extremely submissive. He is 40 ish but acted like a 21 yo college guy. 

Well after months of this I started suspecting he may have been trying to groom my wife into an affair. And by the actions of my wife and the disrespect from her I unfortunately confronted with no evidence. Which was the worst thing I could do. But with that I may have squashed what he was trying to do because we pretty much stopped going over to his house and I made sure any parties we had was without him. 

After finding TAM and getting great advice I took the red pill and started my MMSG journey to get my Alpha back. I lost 22 lbs and started mapping like crazy. Shot down countless shiet tests and took back the leadership in my marriage. 

I am now at the point where after parties she asks me how she was in respect to her treatment of me. Sex is now 2-3 x a week. Mostly initiated by her. And it's sex like we had dating and like when we were in our early 20's. 
We went to poconos 3 weeks ago just the two of us and I have to say it was incredible. We mostly stayed in our room for two days and had sex 9 x , YES, that's 9 x!! In those two days. She was just amazed I could have that much stamina and I have to say so was I. Never while dating or our 16 years of marriage have we done that. 

To be honest, it's not the SAHD title that turns women off but the way it turns men into the role reverse, Beta male. 

Heck, since my transformation I have been approached to start an affair 2 times now. They know I'm a SAHD but my looks and confidence draw them to me. And it turns out their husbands may be alpha but lack beta. I'm a perfect mix of both now. 
And since my marriage is much better and I get great sex with wife there is no reason to succumb to temptation. It actually gives me more confidence when I'm hit on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

Anytime I read about a guy that's the primary child caretaker, I know what the rest of his post will sound like.


----------



## Ceegee

jerry123 said:


> Well I read a lot of your thread and it seems you are ready to start a new life. Congrats on getting the energy draining XW out of your life.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, the last 2 years of my life has been crazy to say the least. Before I started reading MMSG I was a BETA SAHD. I used to be a tool and die maker when in 2004 my wife and I decided I would quit my job and stay home with my son. It actually went well, and in 2006 my daughter was born. Things were going great, kids had their dad around all day and my wife was able to work her busy schedule and not worry about the kids. She moved up the ladder and in 2010 was promoted to VP at her company and was given command of a newly formed area in her company.
> 
> 
> 
> It's funny how things were slowly changing in our marriage. I really did not notice at first but her respect for me was getting to near zero. Sex was 1-2 x a month and she bad mouthed me in front of people and I just sat there a did nothing.
> 
> 
> 
> Then in 2011 I noticed a neighbor guy would always be talking sexual things in front of my wife when we would be at parties or Bon fires with him. They would be jokes, or sex stories and I noticed it would be done to see how far this guy could go to get a laugh from my wife.
> 
> This guy was married with 2 kids and his wife was a SAHM who was extremely submissive. He is 40 ish but acted like a 21 yo college guy.
> 
> 
> 
> Well after months of this I started suspecting he may have been trying to groom my wife into an affair. And by the actions of my wife and the disrespect from her I unfortunately confronted with no evidence. Which was the worst thing I could do. But with that I may have squashed what he was trying to do because we pretty much stopped going over to his house and I made sure any parties we had was without him.
> 
> 
> 
> After finding TAM and getting great advice I took the red pill and started my MMSG journey to get my Alpha back. I lost 22 lbs and started mapping like crazy. Shot down countless shiet tests and took back the leadership in my marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> I am now at the point where after parties she asks me how she was in respect to her treatment of me. Sex is now 2-3 x a week. Mostly initiated by her. And it's sex like we had dating and like when we were in our early 20's.
> 
> We went to poconos 3 weeks ago just the two of us and I have to say it was incredible. We mostly stayed in our room for two days and had sex 9 x , YES, that's 9 x!! In those two days. She was just amazed I could have that much stamina and I have to say so was I. Never while dating or our 16 years of marriage have we done that.
> 
> 
> 
> To be honest, it's not the SAHD title that turns women off but the way it turns men into the role reverse, Beta male.
> 
> 
> 
> Heck, since my transformation I have been approached to start an affair 2 times now. They know I'm a SAHD but my looks and confidence draw them to me. And it turns out their husbands may be alpha but lack beta. I'm a perfect mix of both now.
> 
> And since my marriage is much better and I get great sex with wife there is no reason to succumb to temptation. It actually gives me more confidence when I'm hit on.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Show off. 

Seriously, though, good for you.


----------



## LongWalk

Jerry,

Did you find a way to start working again?

You coach sports, right?


----------



## jerry123

Yes, coach my daughters softball. I work as a sub for my kids school. 

No full time yet but that will change probably next school year. With snow days and school vaca there is no way a job would let me take that kind of time off. So if I can work at school then I would get the same schedule and it would work out better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

jerry123 said:


> Well I read a lot of your thread and it seems you are ready to start a new life. Congrats on getting the energy draining XW out of your life.
> 
> 
> Yeah, the last 2 years of my life has been crazy to say the least. Before I started reading MMSG I was a BETA SAHD. I used to be a tool and die maker when in 2004 my wife and I decided I would quit my job and stay home with my son. It actually went well, and in 2006 my daughter was born. Things were going great, kids had their dad around all day and my wife was able to work her busy schedule and not worry about the kids. She moved up the ladder and in 2010 was promoted to VP at her company and was given command of a newly formed area in her company.
> 
> It's funny how things were slowly changing in our marriage. I really did not notice at first but her respect for me was getting to near zero. Sex was 1-2 x a month and she bad mouthed me in front of people and I just sat there a did nothing.
> 
> Then in 2011 I noticed a neighbor guy would always be talking sexual things in front of my wife when we would be at parties or Bon fires with him. They would be jokes, or sex stories and I noticed it would be done to see how far this guy could go to get a laugh from my wife.
> This guy was married with 2 kids and his wife was a SAHM who was extremely submissive. He is 40 ish but acted like a 21 yo college guy.
> 
> Well after months of this I started suspecting he may have been trying to groom my wife into an affair. And by the actions of my wife and the disrespect from her I unfortunately confronted with no evidence. Which was the worst thing I could do. But with that I may have squashed what he was trying to do because we pretty much stopped going over to his house and I made sure any parties we had was without him.
> 
> After finding TAM and getting great advice I took the red pill and started my MMSG journey to get my Alpha back. I lost 22 lbs and started mapping like crazy. Shot down countless shiet tests and took back the leadership in my marriage.
> 
> I am now at the point where after parties she asks me how she was in respect to her treatment of me. Sex is now 2-3 x a week. Mostly initiated by her. And it's sex like we had dating and like when we were in our early 20's.
> We went to poconos 3 weeks ago just the two of us and I have to say it was incredible. We mostly stayed in our room for two days and had sex 9 x , YES, that's 9 x!! In those two days. She was just amazed I could have that much stamina and I have to say so was I. Never while dating or our 16 years of marriage have we done that.
> 
> To be honest, it's not the SAHD title that turns women off but the way it turns men into the role reverse, Beta male.
> 
> Heck, since my transformation I have been approached to start an affair 2 times now. They know I'm a SAHD but my looks and confidence draw them to me. And it turns out their husbands may be alpha but lack beta. I'm a perfect mix of both now.
> And since my marriage is much better and I get great sex with wife there is no reason to succumb to temptation. It actually gives me more confidence when I'm hit on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for sharing your story Jerry.

It's interesting that even though the SAHD situation was agreed upon, she lost respect for you.

Way to turn that around.

I am going to read the book again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jerry123

Yeah, it happened slowly over time though. Believe me I would not have put up with her crap 10 years ago. But over time I was just letting it go. That's the type of person I was. But after reading MMSG it spelled it out clearly. She was doing exactly what Athol was saying. 

While my wife and I were dating I did some serious dread on her. I didn't know if she was the woman I wanted to marry. The dread worked but I was young and did not understand what was going on. She had to be with me a lot during dating and the sex was 5 times a week. Plus, I was starting to get the attention of other girls and that made her do crazy mate guarding.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

jerry123 said:


> Yeah, it happened slowly over time though. Believe me I would not have put up with her crap 10 years ago. But over time I was just letting it go. That's the type of person I was. But after reading MMSG it spelled it out clearly. She was doing exactly what Athol was saying.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's rarely "right away"

We perceive the world through our subconscious.

Your lesser value bubbled up through her emotional centers and she started to push the boundaries that would allow her to act on her perception.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> It's rarely "right away"
> 
> We perceive the world through our subconscious.
> 
> Your lesser value bubbled up through her emotional centers and she started to push the boundaries that would allow her to act on her perception.


When he was serious about going through d this past summer she changed her tune.


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


> When he was serious about going through d this past summer she changed her tune.


They often do, don't they?

I was very observant on her actions this past Wednesday.

She kept shaking her head over and over again. Like who is this man?

Why is he so motivated?

Curiosity keeps setting in. But I won't open that door again.

The more confidence you project - the more they react.

It's quite funny. I smiled all the way home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> They often do, don't they?
> 
> I was very observant on her actions this past Wednesday.
> 
> She kept shaking her head over and over again. Like who is this man?
> 
> Why is he so motivated?
> 
> Curiosity keeps setting in. But I won't open that door again.
> 
> The more confidence you project - the more they react.
> 
> It's quite funny. I smiled all the way home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've heard talk of one more plowing.

Then let posOM know what happened

Fun to consider.... but actually kind of mean if you think about it.

Let the sleeping dog lie.

If she "really" decides she wants you, you won't have to guess.


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> I've heard talk of one more plowing.



Brilliant idea!


----------



## ReGroup

I "plowed" her sometime last year - it drove her nuts.

She blamed me for setting her back. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jerry123

ReGroup said:


> I "plowed" her sometime last year - it drove her nuts.
> 
> She blamed me for setting her back. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



How dare you...now she was cheating on OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ICLH

LOL. You guys are terrible.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I "plowed" her sometime last year - it drove her nuts.
> 
> She blamed me for setting her back. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you wear your jersey?


----------



## Betrayedone

Honorbound said:


> It's from the loss of respect due to the role reversal. You have to really get your alpha on to pull it off.


Hi guys.....being a SAHD, even temporarily REALLY took a toll on my marriage.....was a large factor in killing it. I was out on a medical condition and had no choice. Going back to work soon, however. Can one of you successful SAHD's help me out? D


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Did you wear your jersey?


Chip, 

I went in there representing The Fan Club, no question.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jerry123

Betrayedone said:


> Hi guys.....being a SAHD, even temporarily REALLY took a toll on my marriage.....was a large factor in killing it. I was out on a medical condition and had no choice. Going back to work soon, however. Can one of you successful SAHD's help me out? D


Are you still married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

jerry123 said:


> Are you still married?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Jerry,

I met up with an old college buddy and she was telling me about our friend who would mock her husband in public because she made more money than he did.

Damn primal forces.

Because of TAM I understood what was going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jerry123

ReGroup said:


> Jerry,
> 
> I met up with an old college buddy and she was telling me about our friend who would mock her husband in public because she made more money than he did.
> 
> Damn primal forces.
> 
> Because of TAM I understood what was going on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ha!!

Yeah, my wife would act like the leader around friends and family because she thought being the breadwinner she had the right to put me down....

My wife is pure alpha now because of our situation. But that was because i let it go for so long. And everytime i did she figured to push the envelope even further.

She manages 6 people, both men and woman so she tries to take her job home and manage me sometimes. I squash that right away. She also likes to throw out work terms, thats when i know she has trouble separating work and home life.

I match her alpha and i'm always one step up now.
Shiet test have slowed down but still a battle.

Funny thing is people would ask me how do i deal with it. At first i was like what do you mean. Then it hit me...


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> I went in there representing The Fan Club, no question.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That was likely during one of your quiet periods, as you were holding back on us


----------



## Conrad

jerry123 said:


> ha!!
> 
> Yeah, my wife would act like the leader around friends and family because she thought being the breadwinner she had the right to put me down....
> 
> My wife is pure alpha now because of our situation. But that was because i let it go for so long. And everytime i did she figured to push the envelope even further.
> 
> She manages 6 people, both men and woman so she tries to take her job home and manage me sometimes. I squash that right away. She also likes to throw out work terms, thats when i know she has trouble separating work and home life.
> 
> I match her alpha and i'm always one step up now.
> Shiet test have slowed down but still a battle.
> 
> Funny thing is people would ask me how do i deal with it. At first i was like what do you mean. Then it hit me...


Humor is the best way.


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> That was likely during one of your quiet periods, as you were holding back on us


After my initial excitement, this is also what I realized.

You were holding back. 

That's headline news.


----------



## Betrayedone

jerry123 said:


> Are you still married?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but have been separated 18 months and papers were dropped on me on Halloween. Things have been moving slowly on the D and it was weird that my nuclear family still spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together. This divorce seems to be a done deal but I am standing and firmly but respectfully resisting. My hard to read but initial post tells all. D


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> I "plowed" her sometime last year - it drove her nuts.
> 
> She blamed me for setting her back. Lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


wear condom.......that implies exactly what she was


----------



## Chuck71

jerry123 said:


> ha!!
> 
> Yeah, my wife would act like the leader around friends and family because she thought being the breadwinner she had the right to put me down....
> 
> My wife is pure alpha now because of our situation. But that was because i let it go for so long. And everytime i did she figured to push the envelope even further.
> 
> She manages 6 people, both men and woman so she tries to take her job home and manage me sometimes. I squash that right away. She also likes to throw out work terms, thats when i know she has trouble separating work and home life.
> 
> I match her alpha and i'm always one step up now.
> Shiet test have slowed down but still a battle.
> 
> Funny thing is people would ask me how do i deal with it. At first i was like what do you mean. Then it hit me...


i'll trade you doggy for you doing the dishes?

hop on pop for cleaning baseboards?


----------



## Conrad

Betrayedone said:


> Yes, but have been separated 18 months and papers were dropped on me on Halloween. Things have been moving slowly on the D and it was weird that my nuclear family still spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together. This divorce seems to be a done deal but I am standing and firmly but respectfully resisting. My hard to read but initial post tells all. D


Moving slowly?

The hell with that.

Drive it.


----------



## happyman64

Conrad said:


> Moving slowly?
> 
> The hell with that.
> 
> Drive it.


We will get him there Conrad.

And he will come out a better man for it.


----------



## smallsteps

Betrayedone said:


> Yes, but have been separated 18 months and papers were dropped on me on Halloween. Things have been moving slowly on the D and it was weird that my nuclear family still spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together. This divorce seems to be a done deal but I am standing and firmly but respectfully resisting. My hard to read but initial post tells all. D


Hello gentlemen. I've been looking through these posts. It's made for some interesting reading. 

Betrayed- what are you waiting for?


----------



## smallsteps

Hey RG - the Yankees got Tanaka. $155 million over 7 years.

Thoughts???


----------



## Conrad

smallsteps said:


> Hey RG - the Yankees got Tanaka. $155 million over 7 years.
> 
> Thoughts???


Yawn


----------



## Chuck71

smallsteps said:


> Hey RG - the Yankees got Tanaka. $155 million over 7 years.
> 
> Thoughts???


he will be lucky to bring as much to NYY'

as Dice K did the BoSox

Japanese pitchers throw too many innings

more than 200+, even more than the guys

who hurled 300 + in 60s and 70s


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Yawn


ol Puig was caught for second speeding ticket in Dec

first was...... here in Chattanooga....

swirling comments the dashcam has some

"interesting" interaction pertaining to his high speed


----------



## smallsteps

Darvish has done ok for the rangers...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

he absolutely has......what was his initial contract?


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> he absolutely has......what was his initial contract?


Wasn't it like 50 mil just to "talk" to him?


----------



## Chuck71

damn that's a $$$$ charge for "diamond sex"


----------



## tom67

Too many years for pitching but thanks to their yes network they have the $$$ to p!ss away.
They need to get young in a hurry.


----------



## Chuck71

being the highest bidder isn't always a good thing


----------



## Chuck71

Yu was 6 year / $60 million


----------



## bfree

And the Red Sox won with a bunch of gritty non superstars. St. Louis is always in the playoffs because they draft and develop talent well. I liked the Yankees teams much better when they had young Jeter, Bernie Williams, Mariano Rivera, etc.


----------



## Chuck71

bfree said:


> And the Red Sox won with a bunch of gritty non superstars. St. Louis is always in the playoffs because they draft and develop talent well. I liked the Yankees teams much better when they had young Jeter, Bernie Williams, Mariano Rivera, etc.


when you trade prospects for the here and now

the future will make sure you pay

the Indians were a model of cultivating talent

in the early 90s and were dominant for 6-7 years


----------



## ReGroup

I hope Tanaka blows out his elbow tomorrow.

FYI: We are an angry fan base.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> I hope Tanaka blows out his elbow tomorrow.
> 
> FYI: We are an angry fan base.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dude....it was Tanaka, not a relative of QL

:rofl:


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I hope Tanaka blows out his elbow tomorrow.
> 
> FYI: We are an angry fan base.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol that was what I was looking for!!
Spoken like a true Met fan 😉
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree

ReGroup said:


> I hope Tanaka blows out his elbow tomorrow.
> 
> FYI: We are an angry fan base.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is this his dad?


----------



## just got it 55

You are all welcome to join Red Sox Nation

BTW that Nation Thing was coined in Boston by Ted Serandis on WEEI

Sports Talk Radio


----------



## bfree

just got it 55 said:


> You are all welcome to join Red Sox Nation
> 
> BTW that Nation Thing was coined in Boston by Ted Serandis on WEEI
> 
> Sports Talk Radio


I thought it was Dan Shaughnessy?


----------



## Lifescript

The Yankees don't learn. Remember that Japanese pitcher they signed Kei Igawa? 

What a disaster that was.


----------



## bfree

Lifescript said:


> The Yankees don't learn. Remember that Japanese pitcher they signed Kei Igawa?
> 
> What a disaster that was.


Was that the guy that George Steinbrenner called a fat toad?


----------



## just got it 55

bfree said:


> I thought it was Dan Shaughnessy?


sort of he got it from Ted on his program

Dan made it more well known cause of the Globe


----------



## smallsteps

bfree said:


> Was that the guy that George Steinbrenner called a fat toad?


No that was Hideki Irabu. He killed himself last year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



just got it 55 said:


> sort of he got it from Ted on his program
> 
> Dan made it more well known cause of the Globe


Ah, I'm not up on the Boston radio scene as much as I am the print media.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



smallsteps said:


> No that was Hideki Irabu. He killed himself last year.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's right. I remember now. Tragic.


----------



## ReGroup

Pitchers and catchers report in 24 days!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Pitchers and catchers report in 24 days!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


maybe Rickey Henderson can be coaxed out of

retirement. Just promise him a mirror and he signs

for league minimum

DWIght Gooden throwing any?


----------



## ReGroup

QL: L asked that her grandmother pick her up at 10am so she can sleep late tomorrow.

RG: That does not work. Have her ready to go at the agreed time: 9am.

QL: Would you like to speak to her about it?

RG: No.

QL: You are not even picking her up. What is the problem ?? L likes to sleep on on Saturdays.

RG: I'm not ok going against the parenting plan.

9am.

QL: I have things to do on Saturday mornings. 9 is preferable for me. Lately she has been sleeping in on Saturday so I wanted to Honor her request.

But since it's such a big deal to you (you aren't even picking her up) I could care less.

Nothing has been put on paper or legally enforced. 3rd of all, I thought we both agreed on there idea of flexibility as well as communication.

Talking with you is like taking to the wind. Forget I even mentioned it. You will never change. Rigid and mean.

RG: I'm sorry you feel that way.
---------------------
I have to work tomorrow morning, so "Abuela" is picking up L at the customary time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ms. GP

Our four year old wakes up at the same time seven days a week about 6:30. Does she sleep late like that at your house?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

2 days ago L asked me: I am being picked up at 9 right?

Mrs. GP, she wakes up around 7 when with me.

We all know what this is all about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ms. GP

Yeah. I smell a rat too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Ms. GP said:


> Yeah. I smell a rat too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah.

Maybe I am getting better at interpreting Crazy Talk...

But there is a lot of odd in what she wrote.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Red Sonja

"A pre-school age child sleeping until 10am"

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Suuuure she does.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> 2 days ago L asked me: I am being picked up at 9 right?
> 
> Mrs. GP, she wakes up around 7 when with me.
> 
> We all know what this is all about.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't let it drive you crazy. That's what she wants, to get under your skin. You stood your ground, you ignored her little jabs. Just proceed as normal. 9 am. 
Nicely done RG.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chuck71

Red Sonja said:


> "A pre-school age child sleeping until 10am"
> 
> :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
> 
> Suuuure she does.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Court orders rock.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> QL: L asked that her grandmother pick her up at 10am so she can sleep late tomorrow.
> 
> RG: That does not work. Have her ready to go at the agreed time: 9am.
> 
> QL: Would you like to speak to her about it?
> 
> RG: No.
> 
> QL: You are not even picking her up. What is the problem ?? L likes to sleep on on Saturdays.
> 
> RG: I'm not ok going against the parenting plan.
> 
> 9am.
> 
> QL: I have things to do on Saturday mornings. 9 is preferable for me. Lately she has been sleeping in on Saturday so I wanted to Honor her request.
> 
> But since it's such a big deal to you (you aren't even picking her up) I could care less.
> 
> Nothing has been put on paper or legally enforced. 3rd of all, I thought we both agreed on there idea of flexibility as well as communication.
> 
> Talking with you is like taking to the wind. Forget I even mentioned it. You will never change. Rigid and mean.
> 
> RG: I'm sorry you feel that way.
> ---------------------
> I have to work tomorrow morning, so "Abuela" is picking up L at the customary time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Awesome.... I hear violins in the background.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Yeah.
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe I am getting better at interpreting Crazy Talk...
> 
> 
> 
> But there is a lot of odd in what she wrote.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Now tell abuela to pick her up at 10:00. Lol.


----------



## LongWalk

RG,

I think you're pretty flexible and easy going given her track record.

Conrad,

Now do you think it should be legal for the xMrs RG to buy a Glock semi automatic pistol?


----------



## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> RG,
> 
> I think you're pretty flexible and easy going given her track record.
> 
> Conrad,
> 
> Now do you think it should be legal for the xMrs RG to buy and Glock semi automatic pistol?


As long as it's legal for Group to have his own


----------



## ReGroup

I need some advice in dealing with QL in regards to L.

Just found out L has asthma.

Would have been nice to know this information - but our situation being what it is, this medical detail was withheld from me. 

How can I get QL to volunteer information such as "Our daughter has asthma" w/o the unnecessary static that comes with the rest of her communication package that we have grown to love?

With time it'll work itself out or ... Do I open up (shuttering at the thought)?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

Things have been so peaceful btw.

It's been great.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MEM2020

Regroup
I imagine you can easily amend the parenting agreement to state:
Any doctor visits, medical conditions, and medications for L
will communicated to the other parent in a timely manner.

In addition you might want to ask L to let you know
if she sees a doctor so that you can make sure you 
are doing what the doctor ordered. 

Your ex cannot legally refuse to provide the 
names of the doctors she takes L to. And the docs will
share her records with you.





ReGroup said:


> I need some advice in dealing with QL in regards to L.
> 
> Just found out L has asthma.
> 
> Would have been nice to know this information - but our situation being what it is, this medical detail was withheld from me.
> 
> How can I get QL to volunteer information such as "Our daughter has asthma" w/o the unnecessary static that comes with the rest of her communication package that we have grown to love?
> 
> With time it'll work itself out or ... Do I open up (shuttering at the thought)?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Who told you she has asthma?


----------



## ReGroup

MEM11363 said:


> Regroup
> I imagine you can easily amend the parenting agreement to state:
> Any doctor visits, medical conditions, and medications for L
> will communicated to the other parent.
> 
> In addition you might want to ask L to let you know
> if she sees a doctor so that you can make sure you
> are doing what the doctor ordered.
> 
> Your ex cannot legally refuse to provide the
> names of the doctors she takes L to. And the docs will
> share her records with you.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll get on this MEM - always appreciate your input.

3X, Momma RG first made me aware of it (she tells her, but not me) after I back from work today and L confirmed.

She had a Xopenex Inhaler w her today.

We have court on Monday for Child Support, I'll bring it up to her. I can hear her now, "you refuse to communicate with me".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I'll get on this MEM - always appreciate your input.
> 
> 
> 
> 3X, Momma RG first made me aware of it (she tells her, but not me) after I back from work today and L confirmed.
> 
> 
> 
> She had a Xopenex Inhaler w her today.
> 
> 
> 
> We have court on Monday for Child Support, I'll bring it up to her. I can hear her now, "you refuse to communicate with me".
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



She's supposed to keep you in the loop about this stuff. 

You're going to have to learn how to ignore the 75% bs that comes with the 25% legitimate info. Hopefully with time it will change.


----------



## Pluto2

Maybe you could ask the court to require both of you to utilize something like a Family Wizard website. It would allow you each to list expenses for support, and put in information for custody, such as Dr, appointments. Information could be shared and there is no direct communication. except I think she enjoys trying to yank you around.


----------



## tom67

Pluto2 said:


> Maybe you could ask the court to require both of you to utilize something like a Family Wizard website. It would allow you each to list expenses for support, and put in information for custody, such as Dr, appointments. Information could be shared and there is no direct communication. except I think she enjoys trying to yank you around.


:iagree:
RG this would be PERFECT!


----------



## Ceegee

Pluto2 said:


> Maybe you could ask the court to require both of you to utilize something like a Family Wizard website. It would allow you each to list expenses for support, and put in information for custody, such as Dr, appointments. Information could be shared and there is no direct communication. except I think she enjoys trying to yank you around.


My XW and I use the Family Wizard.

It does not prevent the abuse, only records it.

It helps with the expenses but she doesn't use it correctly so it adds to the frustration. 

She doesn't enter dates on the calendar correctly so there is confusion.

Overall, it's a good tool but QL is QL and nothing is going to stop her when she wants to be a b1tch.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> My XW and I use the Family Wizard.
> 
> It does not prevent the abuse, only records it.
> 
> It helps with the expenses but she doesn't use it correctly so it adds to the frustration.
> 
> She doesn't enter dates on the calendar correctly so there is confusion.
> 
> Overall, it's a good tool but QL is QL and nothing is going to stop her when she wants to be a b1tch.


Yea can't fix crazy but at least there would be a record whether she responded or not.


----------



## Ceegee

tom67 said:


> Yea can't fix crazy but at least there would be a record whether she responded or not.


Makes preparation for a motion to enforce the parent facilitator a breeze.

Will also make preparation for a motion to modify custody easier too.


----------



## Conrad

Ceegee said:


> Makes preparation for a motion to enforce the parent facilitator a breeze.
> 
> Will also make preparation for a motion to modify custody easier too.


Save the texts too.

She's putting it up on a tee.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Save the texts too.
> 
> She's putting it up on a tee.


:iagree::iagree:
Then drive 310 down the middle.
What's the over/under when RG gets primary custody?
6 months? a year?:lol:


----------



## Chuck71

QL will see to it, it never happens

it is her form of control

every second L is with her

that's a second Group is doing without

it's not supposed to make sense

it is her psychological process


----------



## ReGroup

Family Court Day 2 Update

Took the day off from work to attend court. Nothing like spending a Monday in The South Bronx. 

I ate a nice breakfast and hit the gym to combat some of my anxiety. 

I felt like it was going to get volatile considering recent events. No way of knowing how we would interact today. Team RG played the role of a buffer between us two last time around. He wasn’t invited to the show this time around. 

I said a little prayer, thought of Rocky 2, and stepped into the court house. 

I checked in – went thru the metal detectors, got padded down, etc…

Walked into the waiting area and I see QL. I say, “Hi” and nervously smiles and says, “Hi”.

She was filling out a form and tells me I had to do the same. 

She complains that her pen stopped working and asks me for one. I didn’t have one on me. She then says, “I would go and ask the guard but those people are so rude”. I get up, ask for my form and a pen from the guard. I give to her the pen to complete the form. 

QL: You know we don’t belong in a place like this. I can’t believe we are here again. This place is horrible. 
RG: I love it. 
QL: I know you do. Is everything all set? Did you email Team RG for your proposal for Holiday Visitations?
RG: Yes, I emailed him last week.
QL: So everything is done?
RG: I don’t know. Call or email Team RG.
QL: I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I feel it’s inappropriate. 
RG: I don’t mind. Give it a shot. 

QL: Are you watching The Superbowl at our Friends house?
RG: Yes – It’s tradition. His house or his neighbor’s place. 
QL: Of course you are. You know his wife doesn’t want to hold it.
RG: Like she has a choice.
QL: Ha. You know she invited me. I am sure your friends wouldn’t want me there. 
RG: You can come – we’ll put you in the “other” house. 
QL: (Shaking head). Hahaha.

QL: Where are you taking me to dinner?
(I ignore it)

QL: RG, did you hear that? (She’s listening on someone’s conversation) That guy quit his job just to avoid paying child support. How spiteful! Would you do something like that?
RG: No. I don’t understand the spite.
QL: You are spiteful towards me. I mean, when you are in court – you are funny, crack jokes, and have a good time with me. But when we communicate outside of court you’re mean. What gives?
RG: It’s all in your head. 
QL: I think you’re spiteful in order to get to me.
RG: I have no feeling towards you.
QL: Thanks RG, thanks. I know you don’t care about me. If I was crawling on the ground and bleeding you wouldn’t do anything.
RG: You are wrong. I’d call 911 and tell them, “there is a crazy woman crawling on the floor – she might be bleeding”.
QL: Hahahaha

QL: Those are nice jeans you have. How much did they cost?
RG: I wouldn’t know – I didn’t buy them.
QL: You know L told me about the gift your girlfriend bought for her. I asked her how you addressed the presentation of the gift and she said, “papi said… my girlfriend bought this for you”.
MY CO-WORKER TO BE EXACT.
RG: (Ignored)

QL: How did you sneak in water in here? 
RG: I didn’t. I had it in my bag.
QL: Oh, you’re not supposed to have that in here. You are so lucky – I am so thirsty.
I GUZZLE THE WATER
RG: I didn’t know that.
QL: See, you drank it all and didn’t give me any.
RG: You didn’t ask.
QL: (Shaking head) You know I was thirsty.

QL: Do you recall how you were sitting in front of the judge last time? You were slouched over like you owned the place. While I sat proper.
RG: I wasn’t familiar with court etiquette.
QL: I don’t know what I am going to do with you.

The call us in after an hour.
An interesting turn of events. We were basically there for verification of the afterschool program. Everything was calculated and the judge came up with a figure. The judge asked QL if she wanted retro payments going back to September when the motion was first set up and she said, “no”.
She said, “NO!”

What the hell is going on. First Frostine drops her motion on Bullwinkle and NOW this. WTF.

As soon as we leave the judge’s chambers I go to the waiting area and gather my things. I was baffled. 

QL: You didn’t wait for me. So, are you going to thank me?
RG: (I raise an eyebrow)
QL: I could have been a b*tch and asked for the money. Thank me RG.

RG: I need to find the rest room. 
QL: It’s right there (pointing)

I go inside and wash my hands. Then I pray to the Lord that she isn’t outside of the restroom waiting for me. 

The Lord ignored me. She was outside smiling at me. 

QL: So, are you going to thank me?
QL: I’ll go back there and refile.
RG: I wont stand in your way
QL: You are so self-entitled and so smug. 
RG: (raise the other eyebrow).

I had to go and pick something up that I left with the guard. Damn woman followed me. 

So we walk out together. 

QL: Where are you going?
RG: Heading to the train.
QL: You should take the bus with me. 
RG: Where would it leave me?
QL: At ( ).
RG: How does that help me? I live in Manhattan.

Bizarre.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> Family Court Day 2 Update
> 
> Took the day off from work to attend court. Nothing like spending a Monday in The South Bronx.
> 
> I ate a nice breakfast and hit the gym to combat some of my anxiety.
> 
> I felt like it was going to get volatile considering recent events. No way of knowing how we would interact today. Team RG played the role of a buffer between us two last time around. He wasn’t invited to the show this time around.
> 
> I said a little prayer, thought of Rocky 2, and stepped into the court house.
> 
> I checked in – went thru the metal detectors, got padded down, etc…
> 
> Walked into the waiting area and I see QL. I say, “Hi” and nervously smiles and says, “Hi”.
> 
> She was filling out a form and tells me I had to do the same.
> 
> She complains that her pen stopped working and asks me for one. I didn’t have one on me. She then says, “I would go and ask the guard but those people are so rude”. I get up, ask for my form and a pen from the guard. I give to her the pen to complete the form.
> 
> QL: You know we don’t belong in a place like this. I can’t believe we are here again. This place is horrible.
> RG: I love it.
> QL: I know you do. Is everything all set? Did you email Team RG for your proposal for Holiday Visitations?
> RG: Yes, I emailed him last week.
> QL: So everything is done?
> RG: I don’t know. Call or email Team RG.
> QL: I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I feel it’s inappropriate.
> RG: I don’t mind. Give it a shot.
> 
> QL: Are you watching The Superbowl at our Friends house?
> RG: Yes – It’s tradition. His house or his neighbor’s place.
> QL: Of course you are. You know his wife doesn’t want to hold it.
> RG: Like she has a choice.
> QL: Ha. You know she invited me. I am sure your friends wouldn’t want me there.
> RG: You can come – we’ll put you in the “other” house.
> QL: (Shaking head). Hahaha.
> 
> QL: Where are you taking me to dinner?
> (I ignore it)
> 
> QL: RG, did you hear that? (She’s listening on someone’s conversation) That guy quit his job just to avoid paying child support. How spiteful! Would you do something like that?
> RG: No. I don’t understand the spite.
> QL: You are spiteful towards me. I mean, when you are in court – you are funny, crack jokes, and have a good time with me. But when we communicate outside of court you’re mean. What gives?
> RG: It’s all in your head.
> QL: I think you’re spiteful in order to get to me.
> RG: I have no feeling towards you.
> QL: Thanks RG, thanks. I know you don’t care about me. If I was crawling on the ground and bleeding you wouldn’t do anything.
> RG: You are wrong. I’d call 911 and tell them, “there is a crazy woman crawling on the floor – she might be bleeding”.
> QL: Hahahaha
> 
> QL: Those are nice jeans you have. How much did they cost?
> RG: I wouldn’t know – I didn’t buy them.
> QL: You know L told me about the gift your girlfriend bought for her. I asked her how you addressed the presentation of the gift and she said, “papi said… my girlfriend bought this for you”.
> MY CO-WORKER TO BE EXACT.
> RG: (Ignored)
> 
> QL: How did you sneak in water in here?
> RG: I didn’t. I had it in my bag.
> QL: Oh, you’re not supposed to have that in here. You are so lucky – I am so thirsty.
> I GUZZLE THE WATER
> RG: I didn’t know that.
> QL: See, you drank it all and didn’t give me any.
> RG: You didn’t ask.
> QL: (Shaking head) You know I was thirsty.
> 
> QL: Do you recall how you were sitting in front of the judge last time? You were slouched over like you owned the place. While I sat proper.
> RG: I wasn’t familiar with court etiquette.
> QL: I don’t know what I am going to do with you.
> 
> The call us in after an hour.
> An interesting turn of events. We were basically there for verification of the afterschool program. Everything was calculated and the judge came up with a figure. The judge asked QL if she wanted retro payments going back to September when the motion was first set up and she said, “no”.
> She said, “NO!”
> 
> What the hell is going on. First Frostine drops her motion on Bullwinkle and NOW this. WTF.
> 
> As soon as we leave the judge’s chambers I go to the waiting area and gather my things. I was baffled.
> 
> QL: You didn’t wait for me. So, are you going to thank me?
> RG: (I raise an eyebrow)
> QL: I could have been a b*tch and asked for the money. Thank me RG.
> 
> RG: I need to find the rest room.
> QL: It’s right there (pointing)
> 
> I go inside and wash my hands. Then I pray to the Lord that she isn’t outside of the restroom waiting for me.
> 
> The Lord ignored me. She was outside smiling at me.
> 
> QL: So, are you going to thank me?
> QL: I’ll go back there and refile.
> RG: I wont stand in your way
> QL: You are so self-entitled and so smug.
> RG: (raise the other eyebrow).
> 
> I had to go and pick something up that I left with the guard. Damn woman followed me.
> 
> So we walk out together.
> 
> QL: Where are you going?
> RG: Heading to the train.
> QL: You should take the bus with me.
> RG: Where would it leave me?
> QL: At ( ).
> RG: How does that help me? I live in Manhattan.
> 
> Bizarre.


You're so awesome RG.

:allhail:


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Family Court Day 2 Update
> 
> Took the day off from work to attend court. Nothing like spending a Monday in The South Bronx.
> 
> I ate a nice breakfast and hit the gym to combat some of my anxiety.
> 
> I felt like it was going to get volatile considering recent events. No way of knowing how we would interact today. Team RG played the role of a buffer between us two last time around. He wasn’t invited to the show this time around.
> 
> I said a little prayer, thought of Rocky 2, and stepped into the court house.
> 
> I checked in – went thru the metal detectors, got padded down, etc…
> 
> Walked into the waiting area and I see QL. I say, “Hi” and nervously smiles and says, “Hi”.
> 
> She was filling out a form and tells me I had to do the same.
> 
> She complains that her pen stopped working and asks me for one. I didn’t have one on me. She then says, “I would go and ask the guard but those people are so rude”. I get up, ask for my form and a pen from the guard. I give to her the pen to complete the form.
> 
> QL: You know we don’t belong in a place like this. I can’t believe we are here again. This place is horrible.
> RG: I love it.
> QL: I know you do. Is everything all set? Did you email Team RG for your proposal for Holiday Visitations?
> RG: Yes, I emailed him last week.
> QL: So everything is done?
> RG: I don’t know. Call or email Team RG.
> QL: I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I feel it’s inappropriate.
> RG: I don’t mind. Give it a shot.
> 
> QL: Are you watching The Superbowl at our Friends house?
> RG: Yes – It’s tradition. His house or his neighbor’s place.
> QL: Of course you are. You know his wife doesn’t want to hold it.
> RG: Like she has a choice.
> QL: Ha. You know she invited me. I am sure your friends wouldn’t want me there.
> RG: You can come – we’ll put you in the “other” house.
> QL: (Shaking head). Hahaha.
> 
> QL: Where are you taking me to dinner?
> (I ignore it)
> 
> QL: RG, did you hear that? (She’s listening on someone’s conversation) That guy quit his job just to avoid paying child support. How spiteful! Would you do something like that?
> RG: No. I don’t understand the spite.
> QL: You are spiteful towards me. I mean, when you are in court – you are funny, crack jokes, and have a good time with me. But when we communicate outside of court you’re mean. What gives?
> RG: It’s all in your head.
> QL: I think you’re spiteful in order to get to me.
> RG: I have no feeling towards you.
> QL: Thanks RG, thanks. I know you don’t care about me. If I was crawling on the ground and bleeding you wouldn’t do anything.
> RG: You are wrong. I’d call 911 and tell them, “there is a crazy woman crawling on the floor – she might be bleeding”.
> QL: Hahahaha
> 
> QL: Those are nice jeans you have. How much did they cost?
> RG: I wouldn’t know – I didn’t buy them.
> QL: You know L told me about the gift your girlfriend bought for her. I asked her how you addressed the presentation of the gift and she said, “papi said… my girlfriend bought this for you”.
> MY CO-WORKER TO BE EXACT.
> RG: (Ignored)
> 
> QL: How did you sneak in water in here?
> RG: I didn’t. I had it in my bag.
> QL: Oh, you’re not supposed to have that in here. You are so lucky – I am so thirsty.
> I GUZZLE THE WATER
> RG: I didn’t know that.
> QL: See, you drank it all and didn’t give me any.
> RG: You didn’t ask.
> QL: (Shaking head) You know I was thirsty.
> 
> QL: Do you recall how you were sitting in front of the judge last time? You were slouched over like you owned the place. While I sat proper.
> RG: I wasn’t familiar with court etiquette.
> QL: I don’t know what I am going to do with you.
> 
> The call us in after an hour.
> An interesting turn of events. We were basically there for verification of the afterschool program. Everything was calculated and the judge came up with a figure. The judge asked QL if she wanted retro payments going back to September when the motion was first set up and she said, “no”.
> She said, “NO!”
> 
> What the hell is going on. First Frostine drops her motion on Bullwinkle and NOW this. WTF.
> 
> As soon as we leave the judge’s chambers I go to the waiting area and gather my things. I was baffled.
> 
> QL: You didn’t wait for me. So, are you going to thank me?
> RG: (I raise an eyebrow)
> QL: I could have been a b*tch and asked for the money. Thank me RG.
> 
> RG: I need to find the rest room.
> QL: It’s right there (pointing)
> 
> I go inside and wash my hands. Then I pray to the Lord that she isn’t outside of the restroom waiting for me.
> 
> The Lord ignored me. She was outside smiling at me.
> 
> QL: So, are you going to thank me?
> QL: I’ll go back there and refile.
> RG: I wont stand in your way
> QL: You are so self-entitled and so smug.
> RG: (raise the other eyebrow).
> 
> I had to go and pick something up that I left with the guard. Damn woman followed me.
> 
> So we walk out together.
> 
> QL: Where are you going?
> RG: Heading to the train.
> QL: You should take the bus with me.
> RG: Where would it leave me?
> QL: At ( ).
> RG: How does that help me? I live in Manhattan.
> 
> Bizarre.


:scratchhead::scratchhead:
wow!


----------



## Conrad

>>QL: I think you’re spiteful in order to get to me.
RG: I have no feeling towards you.
QL: Thanks RG, thanks. I know you don’t care about me. If I was crawling on the ground and bleeding you wouldn’t do anything.
RG: You are wrong. I’d call 911 and tell them, “there is a crazy woman crawling on the floor – she might be bleeding”.
QL: Hahahaha<<

To all graduate students in the Fitness Test Factory of marriage, this is exactly how it's done.


----------



## Chuck71

and you called it bizarre? Same thing I've seen for months

view, diagnose, thwart, achieve

far cry from Jan. '13

High5


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> Family Court Day 2 Update
> 
> Took the day off from work to attend court. Nothing like spending a Monday in The South Bronx.
> 
> I ate a nice breakfast and hit the gym to combat some of my anxiety.
> 
> I felt like it was going to get volatile considering recent events. No way of knowing how we would interact today. Team RG played the role of a buffer between us two last time around. He wasn’t invited to the show this time around.
> 
> I said a little prayer, thought of Rocky 2, and stepped into the court house.
> 
> I checked in – went thru the metal detectors, got padded down, etc…
> 
> Walked into the waiting area and I see QL. I say, “Hi” and nervously smiles and says, “Hi”.
> 
> She was filling out a form and tells me I had to do the same.
> 
> She complains that her pen stopped working and asks me for one. I didn’t have one on me. She then says, “I would go and ask the guard but those people are so rude”. I get up, ask for my form and a pen from the guard. I give to her the pen to complete the form.
> 
> QL: You know we don’t belong in a place like this. I can’t believe we are here again. This place is horrible.
> RG: I love it.
> QL: I know you do. Is everything all set? Did you email Team RG for your proposal for Holiday Visitations?
> RG: Yes, I emailed him last week.
> QL: So everything is done?
> RG: I don’t know. Call or email Team RG.
> QL: I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I feel it’s inappropriate.
> RG: I don’t mind. Give it a shot.
> 
> QL: Are you watching The Superbowl at our Friends house?
> RG: Yes – It’s tradition. His house or his neighbor’s place.
> QL: Of course you are. You know his wife doesn’t want to hold it.
> RG: Like she has a choice.
> QL: Ha. You know she invited me. I am sure your friends wouldn’t want me there.
> RG: You can come – we’ll put you in the “other” house.
> QL: (Shaking head). Hahaha.
> 
> QL: Where are you taking me to dinner?
> (I ignore it)
> 
> QL: RG, did you hear that? (She’s listening on someone’s conversation) That guy quit his job just to avoid paying child support. How spiteful! Would you do something like that?
> RG: No. I don’t understand the spite.
> QL: You are spiteful towards me. I mean, when you are in court – you are funny, crack jokes, and have a good time with me. But when we communicate outside of court you’re mean. What gives?
> RG: It’s all in your head.
> QL: I think you’re spiteful in order to get to me.
> RG: I have no feeling towards you.
> QL: Thanks RG, thanks. I know you don’t care about me. If I was crawling on the ground and bleeding you wouldn’t do anything.
> RG: You are wrong. I’d call 911 and tell them, “there is a crazy woman crawling on the floor – she might be bleeding”.
> QL: Hahahaha
> 
> QL: Those are nice jeans you have. How much did they cost?
> RG: I wouldn’t know – I didn’t buy them.
> QL: You know L told me about the gift your girlfriend bought for her. I asked her how you addressed the presentation of the gift and she said, “papi said… my girlfriend bought this for you”.
> MY CO-WORKER TO BE EXACT.
> RG: (Ignored)
> 
> QL: How did you sneak in water in here?
> RG: I didn’t. I had it in my bag.
> QL: Oh, you’re not supposed to have that in here. You are so lucky – I am so thirsty.
> I GUZZLE THE WATER
> RG: I didn’t know that.
> QL: See, you drank it all and didn’t give me any.
> RG: You didn’t ask.
> QL: (Shaking head) You know I was thirsty.
> 
> QL: Do you recall how you were sitting in front of the judge last time? You were slouched over like you owned the place. While I sat proper.
> RG: I wasn’t familiar with court etiquette.
> QL: I don’t know what I am going to do with you.
> 
> The call us in after an hour.
> An interesting turn of events. We were basically there for verification of the afterschool program. Everything was calculated and the judge came up with a figure. The judge asked QL if she wanted retro payments going back to September when the motion was first set up and she said, “no”.
> She said, “NO!”
> 
> What the hell is going on. First Frostine drops her motion on Bullwinkle and NOW this. WTF.
> 
> As soon as we leave the judge’s chambers I go to the waiting area and gather my things. I was baffled.
> 
> QL: You didn’t wait for me. So, are you going to thank me?
> RG: (I raise an eyebrow)
> QL: I could have been a b*tch and asked for the money. Thank me RG.
> 
> RG: I need to find the rest room.
> QL: It’s right there (pointing)
> 
> I go inside and wash my hands. Then I pray to the Lord that she isn’t outside of the restroom waiting for me.
> 
> The Lord ignored me. She was outside smiling at me.
> 
> QL: So, are you going to thank me?
> QL: I’ll go back there and refile.
> RG: I wont stand in your way
> QL: You are so self-entitled and so smug.
> RG: (raise the other eyebrow).
> 
> I had to go and pick something up that I left with the guard. Damn woman followed me.
> 
> So we walk out together.
> 
> QL: Where are you going?
> RG: Heading to the train.
> QL: You should take the bus with me.
> RG: Where would it leave me?
> QL: At ( ).
> RG: How does that help me? I live in Manhattan.
> 
> Bizarre.


Wow she was not giving up this time! She was determined to bait and engage you no matter what it took. 

You did an awesome job RG. Good for you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vi_bride04

Geez RG - she gave you so many chances to fight for her, why didn't you??!!!

Hahahahaha....

I am sad to see you got that stupid pen for her though...

She is definitely something else, geez


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



vi_bride04 said:


> Geez RG - she gave you so many chances to fight for her, why didn't you??!!!
> 
> Hahahahaha....
> 
> I am sad to see you got that stupid pen for her though...
> 
> She is definitely something else, geez


Roflmao


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Well played.:smthumbup:


----------



## Nucking Futs

Conrad said:


> >>QL: I think you’re spiteful in order to get to me.
> RG: I have no feeling towards you.
> QL: Thanks RG, thanks. I know you don’t care about me. If I was crawling on the ground and bleeding you wouldn’t do anything.
> RG: You are wrong. I’d call 911 and tell them, “there is a crazy woman crawling on the floor – she might be bleeding”.
> QL: Hahahaha<<
> 
> To all graduate students in the Fitness Test Factory of marriage, this is exactly how it's done.


I literally laughed out loud at this reply. Classic.


----------



## Conrad

Nucking Futs said:


> I literally laughed out loud at this reply. Classic.


If you're patient, you just know the big fat slow pitch is coming right over the heart of the plate.


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> If you're patient, you just know the big fat slow pitch is coming right over the heart of the plate.


That's why we're all still here.


----------



## LongWalk

Awesome, RG. POSOM is the B plan. He's probably not getting laid because of all the dialog replaying in her head.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> Awesome, RG. POSOM is the B plan. He's probably not getting laid because of all the dialog replaying in her head.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

is Group Plan A?

Group?????


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
> 
> is Group Plan A?
> 
> Group?????


She'd be so easy to pick off.

But, then we know she's a cheater.


----------



## happyman64

smallsteps said:


> Wow she was not giving up this time! She was determined to bait and engage you no matter what it took.
> 
> You did an awesome job RG. Good for you!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think she wanted to take RG home!


----------



## Conrad

happyman64 said:


> I think she wanted to take RG home!


How out of character for her


----------



## Tron

Methinks she is considering showing up tonight on his doorstep in a low cut pink sweater.


----------



## coachman

I think a good plowing while wearing his FAN jersey would be totally appropriate.


----------



## ReGroup

I was in a relationship with that woman for 10 Years. 10 Years!

WTF.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> I was in a relationship with that woman for 10 Years. 10 Years!
> 
> 
> 
> WTF.



I was with CT for nearly 20. 

Good news is we get rewarded with a hot woman that aims to please.


----------



## LongWalk

I almost hate to say it RG but you tamed the shrew. She seems a better person. It is very hard for her to accept that she lost you. She hasn't figured out how to say sorry, but she declined the back payments, a sort of sorry. A sorry sorry.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> I was in a relationship with that woman for 10 Years. 10 Years!
> 
> WTF.


We all come to that day RG where we say this. In my case I say "wth was I thinking for 25 years" 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55

Conrad said:


> >>QL: I think you’re spiteful in order to get to me.
> RG: I have no feeling towards you.
> QL: Thanks RG, thanks. I know you don’t care about me. If I was crawling on the ground and bleeding you wouldn’t do anything.
> RG: You are wrong. I’d call 911 and tell them, “there is a crazy woman crawling on the floor – she might be bleeding”.
> QL: Hahahaha<<
> 
> To all graduate students in the Fitness Test Factory of marriage, this is exactly how it's done.


As I Have been saying for a while now

She still digs you RG

More that ever

Poor POSOM

55


----------



## happyman64

RG

You are a better man now.

I also realize after looking at your Ex that my wife is hardly crazy at all.... 

HM


----------



## Conrad

just got it 55 said:


> As I Have been saying for a while now
> 
> She still digs you RG
> 
> More that ever
> 
> Poor POSOM
> 
> 55


Cry me a river for that worthless pos.

He'll be logging on here in less than 18 months.


----------



## ReGroup

You guys and gals are great. 

We have slowly turned this thing around. So many layers to this damn story.

* 20 days w/o talking my daughter
* Her threat to take away my parental rights
* When I try to make peace w/ her w/ a handshake she says, "don't you ever touch me"
* Threatening to cause a scene in front of our meet up spot
... all in recent times.

It's all a game to this woman. She can't help it. 

Chip, you said, "you can't nice' em out of it"... You need to put a foot up their ass One Transaction At A Time is what you need to do.

Living with PosOM and asking me to dinner? Who was going to watch L while we went on this dinner??? PosOM? That would have been grand. Lol. 
I was played like the FOOL. His number will be called shortly.

She knows no limits. 

Now she won't contact Team RG - we need her damn input in order to get this moving along. 

I'm going to give her a week. 

I can't be married by The Fall of this year. WTF.

No way this thread reaches 500 pages - I didn't think it would reach 50. SMH.


----------



## just got it 55

ReGroup said:


> You guys and gals are great.
> 
> We have slowly turned this thing around. So many layers to this damn story.
> 
> * 20 days w/o talking my daughter
> * Her threat to take away my parental rights
> * When I try to make peace w/ her w/ a handshake she says, "don't you ever touch me"
> * Threatening to cause a scene in front of our meet up spot
> ... all in recent times.
> 
> It's all a game to this woman. She can't help it.
> 
> Chip, you said, "you can't nice' em out of it"... You need to put a foot up their ass One Transaction At A Time is what you need to do.
> 
> Living with PosOM and asking me to dinner? Who was going to watch L while we went on this dinner??? PosOM? That would have been grand. Lol.
> I was played like the FOOL. His number will be called shortly.
> 
> She knows no limits.
> 
> Now she won't contact Team RG - we need her damn input in order to get this moving along.
> 
> I'm going to give her a week.
> 
> I can't be married by The Fall of this year. WTF.
> 
> No way this thread reaches 500 pages - I didn't think it would reach 50. SMH.


Oh Groupie I think she has a few more combustable moments that will provide us with 80 more pages for entertainment

55


----------



## ReGroup

ReGroup said:


> What's up Chuck? I guess its time for an update.
> 
> The flu got a hold of me this past week - still battling it. That along with (extra) work has preoccupied my mind. Can't complain as its been a good distraction.
> 
> A week ago, the wife went away for the weekend and spoke to a lawyer. They discuss, as she explained to me the key points in finalizing the end of our marriage: custody plans, assets, child support, and reason for divorce.
> 
> We are in agreement w/ most issues with the exception of the child care support. She's having financial hardship as she put it (mentioning that she might have to cut the cable) and wants more financial help. I have run the figures and I am paying what I am suppose to.
> 
> She claims she's not trying to screw me over - that if she was, she would request that I pay a portion of her student loan debt, go after property owned by mother Lol(I helped her pay for them), and my savings.
> 
> During the course our relationship I stressed that we focus on getting out of debt. She was lax with hers, while I have nearly taken care of mine. We started off owing roughly the same amount, but she finds herself now in the same financial situation 5 years later.
> 
> Towards the end of the discussion she says, "is this what you want?" - referring to the divorce. She goes to see a lawyer without giving me a heads up and is asking me that question?
> 
> Of course the following day she email bombs me about me taking this news all to well - that I must be seeing someone and have replaced her. I had a play-date as I posted a few weeks back and suddenly in her eyes, I'm in a relationship. Projection at its best.
> 
> Going back to the key points, she doesn't have much to go on. I won't be paying her debt, I won't be paying more in support and she won't crack my savings. If she makes an attempt, I'll go after her pension which is much better than mine; I'll put that one in my back pocket.
> 
> Everything else is status quo - she still lying about her "friend" to everyone and I'm having the time of my life with my daughter.
> 
> Wife asks constantly if I'm happy and indeed I am. The focus I put into trying to repair our marriage has been transferred to laser like focus on myself and my daughter. Every time I am with DD4 she has my undivided attention. Its gotten to the point that her mother has requested that we ease up on our activities together as DD4 might consider time w/ her "downtime".
> 
> Wife claims she's not happy and asked a few days ago if I wanted her to move on. That she's not over me. I just shook my head, not in confusion but in pity. It didn't need to be this way.
> 
> She attempted to be intimate with me this past week and I denied her request. Who has this person become? Is she that confused?
> 
> This divorce won't solve any of our problems, it'll just continue to create a whole slew of new ones - it didn't have to be this way, but I am done trying to explain that to her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wrote this on 1/28/13 Chucky. LOL


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I wrote this on 1/28/13 Chucky. LOL


Nothing changes but the date.


----------



## ReGroup

just got it 55 said:


> Oh Groupie I think she has a few more combustable moments that will provide us with 80 more pages for entertainment
> 
> 55


Brother 55,

I guess 80 more won't be that bad. 

LOL.

I want one last Haymaker.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> Nothing changes but the date.


I hope you're laughing as I am.


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> I hope you're laughing as I am.


I think I miss her when she's away more than you do


----------



## Ceegee

Conrad said:


> I think I miss her when she's away more than you do



I love her like a crazy Tia. 

We'll celebrate page 420 the way we should.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> Family Court Day 2 Update
> 
> Took the day off from work to attend court. Nothing like spending a Monday in The South Bronx.
> 
> I ate a nice breakfast and hit the gym to combat some of my anxiety.
> 
> I felt like it was going to get volatile considering recent events. No way of knowing how we would interact today. Team RG played the role of a buffer between us two last time around. He wasn’t invited to the show this time around.
> 
> I said a little prayer, thought of Rocky 2, and stepped into the court house.
> 
> I checked in – went thru the metal detectors, got padded down, etc…
> 
> Walked into the waiting area and I see QL. I say, “Hi” and nervously smiles and says, “Hi”.
> 
> She was filling out a form and tells me I had to do the same.
> 
> She complains that her pen stopped working and asks me for one. I didn’t have one on me. She then says, “I would go and ask the guard but those people are so rude”. I get up, ask for my form and a pen from the guard. I give to her the pen to complete the form.
> 
> QL: You know we don’t belong in a place like this. I can’t believe we are here again. This place is horrible.
> RG: I love it.
> QL: I know you do. Is everything all set? Did you email Team RG for your proposal for Holiday Visitations?
> RG: Yes, I emailed him last week.
> QL: So everything is done?
> RG: I don’t know. Call or email Team RG.
> QL: I don’t feel comfortable doing so. I feel it’s inappropriate.
> RG: I don’t mind. Give it a shot.
> 
> QL: Are you watching The Superbowl at our Friends house?
> RG: Yes – It’s tradition. His house or his neighbor’s place.
> QL: Of course you are. You know his wife doesn’t want to hold it.
> RG: Like she has a choice.
> QL: Ha. You know she invited me. I am sure your friends wouldn’t want me there.
> RG: You can come – we’ll put you in the “other” house.
> QL: (Shaking head). Hahaha.
> 
> QL: Where are you taking me to dinner?
> (I ignore it)
> 
> QL: RG, did you hear that? (She’s listening on someone’s conversation) That guy quit his job just to avoid paying child support. How spiteful! Would you do something like that?
> RG: No. I don’t understand the spite.
> QL: You are spiteful towards me. I mean, when you are in court – you are funny, crack jokes, and have a good time with me. But when we communicate outside of court you’re mean. What gives?
> RG: It’s all in your head.
> QL: I think you’re spiteful in order to get to me.
> RG: I have no feeling towards you.
> QL: Thanks RG, thanks. I know you don’t care about me. If I was crawling on the ground and bleeding you wouldn’t do anything.
> RG: You are wrong. I’d call 911 and tell them, “there is a crazy woman crawling on the floor – she might be bleeding”.
> QL: Hahahaha
> 
> QL: Those are nice jeans you have. How much did they cost?
> RG: I wouldn’t know – I didn’t buy them.
> QL: You know L told me about the gift your girlfriend bought for her. I asked her how you addressed the presentation of the gift and she said, “papi said… my girlfriend bought this for you”.
> MY CO-WORKER TO BE EXACT.
> RG: (Ignored)
> 
> QL: How did you sneak in water in here?
> RG: I didn’t. I had it in my bag.
> QL: Oh, you’re not supposed to have that in here. You are so lucky – I am so thirsty.
> I GUZZLE THE WATER
> RG: I didn’t know that.
> QL: See, you drank it all and didn’t give me any.
> RG: You didn’t ask.
> QL: (Shaking head) You know I was thirsty.
> 
> QL: Do you recall how you were sitting in front of the judge last time? You were slouched over like you owned the place. While I sat proper.
> RG: I wasn’t familiar with court etiquette.
> QL: I don’t know what I am going to do with you.
> 
> The call us in after an hour.
> An interesting turn of events. We were basically there for verification of the afterschool program. Everything was calculated and the judge came up with a figure. The judge asked QL if she wanted retro payments going back to September when the motion was first set up and she said, “no”.
> She said, “NO!”
> 
> What the hell is going on. First Frostine drops her motion on Bullwinkle and NOW this. WTF.
> 
> As soon as we leave the judge’s chambers I go to the waiting area and gather my things. I was baffled.
> 
> QL: You didn’t wait for me. So, are you going to thank me?
> RG: (I raise an eyebrow)
> QL: I could have been a b*tch and asked for the money. Thank me RG.
> 
> RG: I need to find the rest room.
> QL: It’s right there (pointing)
> 
> I go inside and wash my hands. Then I pray to the Lord that she isn’t outside of the restroom waiting for me.
> 
> The Lord ignored me. She was outside smiling at me.
> 
> QL: So, are you going to thank me?
> QL: I’ll go back there and refile.
> RG: I wont stand in your way
> QL: You are so self-entitled and so smug.
> RG: (raise the other eyebrow).
> 
> I had to go and pick something up that I left with the guard. Damn woman followed me.
> 
> So we walk out together.
> 
> QL: Where are you going?
> RG: Heading to the train.
> QL: You should take the bus with me.
> RG: Where would it leave me?
> QL: At ( ).
> RG: How does that help me? I live in Manhattan.
> 
> Bizarre.


I know ground hogs who are more accountable

look out for QLs next move

"Group.....posom is gone for weekend, be here all alone... will 

make (insert your fav).....stop by"

LOL where o where have I heard this before


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> You guys and gals are great.
> 
> We have slowly turned this thing around. So many layers to this damn story.
> 
> * 20 days w/o talking my daughter
> * Her threat to take away my parental rights
> * When I try to make peace w/ her w/ a handshake she says, "don't you ever touch me"
> * Threatening to cause a scene in front of our meet up spot
> ... all in recent times.
> 
> It's all a game to this woman. She can't help it.
> 
> Chip, you said, "you can't nice' em out of it"... You need to put a foot up their ass One Transaction At A Time is what you need to do.
> 
> Living with PosOM and asking me to dinner? Who was going to watch L while we went on this dinner??? PosOM? That would have been grand. Lol.
> I was played like the FOOL. His number will be called shortly.
> 
> She knows no limits.
> 
> Now she won't contact Team RG - we need her damn input in order to get this moving along.
> 
> I'm going to give her a week.
> 
> I can't be married by The Fall of this year. WTF.
> 
> No way this thread reaches 500 pages - I didn't think it would reach 50. SMH.


You've come this far and you're close the end now. Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine. 

When your divorce is final - you can celebrate!!!


----------



## tom67

just got it 55 said:


> Oh Groupie I think she has a few more combustable moments that will provide us with 80 more pages for entertainment
> 
> 55


She can't help herself.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

just got it 55 said:


> As I Have been saying for a while now
> 
> She still digs you RG
> 
> More that ever
> 
> Poor POSOM
> 
> 55


Nope.

Group, I'm sure you'll agree with this:

QL's courthouse behavior is just her putting on her "public" persona act. She wants to appear cool, charming, chic, witty, etc. In a way, it's like a 4 year-old acting on her best behavior....for Daddy. She's in court, in trouble for being bad, etc.

It's not the real her. Just one of her chameleon guises.

I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM.

In my experiences with my ex, she never blew her cool in public. She always had that charming, public persona mask on. Get her at home, or in the car, though.... Jeckyll and Hyde.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



ReGroup said:


> I was in a relationship with that woman for 10 Years. 10 Years!
> 
> WTF.


I had that same reaction when I divorced my first wife. Still do.


----------



## Ceegee

ThreeStrikes said:


> Nope.
> 
> Group, I'm sure you'll agree with this:
> 
> QL's courthouse behavior is just her putting on her "public" persona act. She wants to appear cool, charming, chic, witty, etc. In a way, it's like a 4 year-old acting on her best behavior....for Daddy. She's in court, in trouble for being bad, etc.
> 
> It's not the real her. Just one of her chameleon guises.
> 
> I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM.
> 
> In my experiences with my ex, she never blew her cool in public. She always had that charming, public persona mask on. Get her at home, or in the car, though.... Jeckyll and Hyde.


And when the cool, charming, chic stops working???

The poor, helpless victim.


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Nope.
> 
> Group, I'm sure you'll agree with this:
> 
> QL's courthouse behavior is just her putting on her "public" persona act. She wants to appear cool, charming, chic, witty, etc. In a way, it's like a 4 year-old acting on her best behavior....for Daddy. She's in court, in trouble for being bad, etc.
> 
> It's not the real her. Just one of her chameleon guises.
> 
> I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM.
> 
> In my experiences with my ex, she never blew her cool in public. She always had that charming, public persona mask on. Get her at home, or in the car, though.... Jeckyll and Hyde.


Mavi would try to hammer this point home.

CT's pictures from Acapulco.... the perfect public image.

At one time, my wife actually said it out loud, "I thought you would protect me"

What she meant was her public image.

Don't underestimate this motivation.

Script's wife is the same.


----------



## ReGroup

ThreeStrikes said:


> Nope.
> 
> Group, I'm sure you'll agree with this:
> 
> QL's courthouse behavior is just her putting on her "public" persona act. She wants to appear cool, charming, chic, witty, etc. In a way, it's like a 4 year-old acting on her best behavior....for Daddy. She's in court, in trouble for being bad, etc.
> 
> It's not the real her. Just one of her chameleon guises.
> 
> I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM.
> 
> In my experiences with my ex, she never blew her cool in public. She always had that charming, public persona mask on. Get her at home, or in the car, though.... Jeckyll and Hyde.


:lol:

... And, I won't fall for any of it. 

In public, in private, via text, email etc...

She was chasing me around throughout the place like a puppy hoping I would give her a pat on the back, validation, whatever. The internal amusement I had couldn't be put into words.

"I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM."

Man oh man, I hope he got an earful about me.


----------



## smallsteps

ReGroup said:


> :lol:
> 
> ... And, I won't fall for any of it.
> 
> In public, in private, via text, email etc...
> 
> She was chasing me around throughout the place like a puppy hoping I would give her a pat on the back, validation, whatever. The internal amusement I had couldn't be put into words.
> 
> "I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM."
> 
> Man oh man, I hope he got an earful about me.


I think you are exactly right! 

Isn't it fun RG to be able to sit back and watch the show but stay disconnected? Lol


----------



## just got it 55

ThreeStrikes said:


> Nope.
> 
> Group, I'm sure you'll agree with this:
> 
> QL's courthouse behavior is just her putting on her "public" persona act. She wants to appear cool, charming, chic, witty, etc. In a way, it's like a 4 year-old acting on her best behavior....for Daddy. She's in court, in trouble for being bad, etc.
> 
> It's not the real her. Just one of her chameleon guises.
> 
> I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM.
> 
> In my experiences with my ex, she never blew her cool in public. She always had that charming, public persona mask on. Get her at home, or in the car, though.... Jeckyll and Hyde.



Probably all true

But the fact remains

She digs him more than ever

RG Do you get that sense ?

55


----------



## just got it 55

ReGroup said:


> :lol:
> 
> ... And, I won't fall for any of it.
> 
> In public, in private, via text, email etc...
> 
> She was chasing me around throughout the place like a puppy hoping I would give her a pat on the back, validation, whatever. The internal amusement I had couldn't be put into words.
> 
> "I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM."
> 
> Man oh man, I hope he got an earful about me.


Without a doubt he did


----------



## ReGroup

just got it 55 said:


> Without a doubt he did


This is the way I feel. 

Woman gets involved into an affair. Her ego balloons like never before. I am cast off as trash. She thinks: Who wouldn't want me?

She has a guy singing her praises for probably everything she is and does. 

They move in together. The excitement of the affair is leveling off a bit. Bills, my spawn, blah, blah...

When she interacts w/ me... I don't treat her like HE probably does and she finds it shocking. 

When I tell her: I don't have feelings for her and mean it...
Again, it's shocking to hear. 
That and my daughter telling her that my "girlfriend" gave her a gift adds to the fire.

What she doesn't understand is I am one step ahead of her. I see through the BS.

Cheaters are self entitled and think they're God's special creatures - BS moves on and it's a somewhat hit to their egos.


----------



## Chuck71

ReGroup said:


> :lol:
> 
> ... And, I won't fall for any of it.
> 
> In public, in private, via text, email etc...
> 
> She was chasing me around throughout the place like a puppy hoping I would give her a pat on the back, validation, whatever. The internal amusement I had couldn't be put into words.
> 
> "I guarantee you that, after she got home, she was chewing Group a new a-hole to her OM."
> 
> Man oh man, I hope he got an earful about me.


wonder if QL still says

"Group you are the biggest dikc in NYC"

I'm sure the posom loves it 

 :rofl:


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> This is the way I feel.
> 
> Woman gets involved into an affair. Her ego balloons like never before. I am cast off as trash. She thinks: Who wouldn't want me?
> 
> She has a guy singing her praises for probably everything she is and does.
> 
> They move in together. The excitement of the affair is leveling off a bit. Bills, my spawn, blah, blah...
> 
> When she interacts w/ me... I don't treat her like HE probably does and she finds it shocking.
> 
> When I tell her: I don't have feelings for her and mean it...
> Again, it's shocking to hear.
> That and my daughter telling her that my "girlfriend" gave her a gift adds to the fire.
> 
> What she doesn't understand is I am one step ahead of her. I see through the BS.
> 
> Cheaters are self entitled and think they're God's special creatures - *BS moves on and it's a somewhat hit to their egos*.



It's devastating to them.

They won't admit it.

They're actions, however, tell you that it's killing them.

Especially if they see you moving on while exposing their affair to the POSOM's wife at the same time. :FIREdevil:


----------



## FrustratedFL

_Cheaters are self entitled and think they're God's special creatures - BS moves on and it's a somewhat hit to their egos._

This is so true! I believe cheaters actually believe the BS will be Plan B just in case their dreams with OW/OM do not work out.

It is also *AMAZING *to me how my WS thinks of me (his wife for 18 years) as a nasty, nagging b*tch - My lawyer as a "scumbag thief" and calls her a c*nt everytime he gets a letter 

... BUT

his affair partnerr who he cheated and lied with and on is; "A goos person,kind heart, shows that she cares for him and does not nag him and makes him feel good". *Are you kidding me???*

Yet when I ask him to sign the very last paper to file with court, STBXH goes postal on me and re-writes the last 18 years of history starting from the drinks at our first dinner to the miserable last hour he had to stay in the house. 

When I tell him he should be relieved that divorce is almost over, he completely goes dark.

So Frustrating to deal with this. Almost out ALMOST!!


----------



## Chuck71

'ol Conrad will have a fit...... beginning stages of Rams

moving back to LA are put in motion

sorry Group but when it is lull with QL

you are the de facto sports blog


----------



## Why Not Be Happy?

Frustrated:
He's "re-writing history". Go dark and ignore it/him.
Put the time into you and be the best you that you can be!


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> 'ol Conrad will have a fit...... beginning stages of Rams
> 
> moving back to LA are put in motion
> 
> sorry Group but when it is lull with QL
> 
> you are the de facto sports blog


That and if they give Mike Matheny a long contract extension that would send him over the edge.


----------



## tom67

St. Louis Rams owner Stan Kroenke buys 60 acres of land in Los Angeles - ESPN Los Angeles

I thought you were joking Chuck


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> 'ol Conrad will have a fit...... beginning stages of Rams
> 
> moving back to LA are put in motion
> 
> sorry Group but when it is lull with QL
> 
> you are the de facto sports blog


Just more pinstriped extortion.


----------



## Chuck71

tom67 said:


> St. Louis Rams owner Stan Kroenke buys 60 acres of land in Los Angeles - ESPN Los Angeles
> 
> I thought you were joking Chuck


the previous owner, Georgia Frontier, moved them

new ownership wants to "go back home" but

it's easy when you are lured back with

promises of riches.........sound familiar


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> the previous owner, Georgia Frontier, moved them
> 
> new ownership wants to "go back home" but
> 
> it's easy when you are lured back with
> 
> promises of riches.........sound familiar


I cannot image LA actually wants them.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> I cannot image LA actually wants them.


LA always wants what they don't have

yet disguard what they have

Hollyweird has nowhere to go in the fall

I'm still hoping Dodgers return to Brooklyn


----------



## LongWalk

Of course Mrs RG treasures him now. She wants him back but just like the borough of Brooklyn might like to have the Dodgers back. How is going to happen?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## ReGroup

Things were getting peaceful...

They were quiet after Family Court.

Communication was at a minimal and only when it involved L.

A discussion we had back at Family Court, she asked why I treated her a certain way - usually I am stern with time.

My response was: I value time.

It's an ongoing issue. She's is for the most part always late.

I always take her to task in a cool, dispassionate and firm way.

Last week I took L on her weekend and we set a different pick up and drop off schedule. She wanted to attend something and I accommodated her request.

As soon as the pick was to occur she requested an hour - I denied it. She calls me mean and rigid. She gets there on time.

At pick up the next day, L request (to QL allegedly) that she be picked up later without my knowledge. L passes me the phone I shut down the request as I had plans. She claims I spoke down to her, but I was just being stern. She apologized at the end of the conversation and said she would be running 20 minutes late.*

When she gets to the pick up spot, she apologizes and says L put her on the spot by putting her on the phone.

Aight - no sweat. We departed, no issues.

Silence for the week.

Friday, she texts me at midnight, "Ranstarr, are we set for tomorrow w L?

- She used to call me Ranstarr back in the day. I guess she was having drinks.

I respond the next day business like. Momma RG picked up L at the time designated w no hitches. I had to work in the morning.

L and I had a great weekend. We watched the Lego Movie - Highly recommended!!!

This morning we did our weekly math lesson and preparation for pick up.

* QL requested an early pick up (2pm) because off the weather.

RG: Sounds fair. Ok.

* QL: Can you bring her in the train station because of the weather as opposed to our site?

RG: Ok.

So, L and I leave my place at 1:50 to get to the station.

At 1:55, I receive a text in the station: I am still waiting for the bus. I am running 15 minutes late.

RG: Are you still in The Bx?

10 minutes later: No, I am waiting for the 1 train now (that's in The Bx). 1 train is scheduled to be here in 9 minutes.
...
RG: I'm going to continue stressing punctuality.*Next time, the set time is the set time.

- I can't enforce it, but damn I have to mention my displeasure.

QL: RG... I left my house at 1:10. Do you think I want to deal with your nasty ****! No I don't. Sundays are TERRIBLE for the buses and trains around here.*

Stress it all you want. Why don't you stress cutting me some slack??? I can't stand interacting with you because you're such a prick! I've waited PLENTY of Times for you in the past into the HOURS and that's even if you showed. So chill out w me running 15 min late because of the bus and train!*

(That was once last May I think - she waited 45 minutes).

At least I'm giving you the courtesy of giving you a heads up. Seeing you gives me such an anxiety attack because of your **** attitude! I leave almost an hour Before not minutes before. Not my fault. Believe me! I'm already on then train and about to go underground. If me being 15 min late is too much for you then if You Would like to meet at 231st for drop off its something we can talk about. Otherwise lay off!!

RG: You done? I want punctuality.

L and I leave the station and go to a coffee shop.

L: Why can't you and mommy be friends? Do you yell at her everytime she is late?

RG: No.

- How did she know QL was running late? Damn, this was done via text. Very perceptive little ******.

L: She says so.

RG: Not true.

L: One time right?

RG: You want a muffin?

We then head back to the station. And after a few minutes she arrives. She's upset, but I play it cool by focusing on L's departure. I pick her up ... Kiss, hug, and "te quiero mucho".

(As I turn towards to the opposite direction)

L: Mommy, does poppi yell at you every time you are late?

QL: Yes he does.

L: See poppi, you see!*

RG: I love you L. Bye.

L: Come back.

RG: I'm running late.

- I had plans.

I get on the train and 10 minutes later, I guess she finally receives the "Are you done?"

QL: I'm done if you're done being a ****. Otherwise I've only just begun.

Why don't you send L with a clean face instead of looking like a bum?

- She had a lollipop

You don't care to take her out looking well kempt. Instead you send her out looking like a little welfare kid You insist in punctuality, I insist on you taking care better care of my daughter. Why do you insit of stuffing her face with gum, candy and lollipops. Don't you know how much sugar and chemicals are in that crap!

Once In a while is ok but every every single time?? How about actually following through with what you tell her?? Can you believe she told me that you actually Kept a promise this time by taking her to the movies?!???! She's no dummy. I insist you be a better father!

I want you to be my friend instead of my enemy!!

And I don't appreciate her hair being friggin half cut off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Momma RG had Ls tips cut to even them out.

RG: I am sorry you feel this way.

SMH
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

How do you be friends with the Anti-Christ?


----------



## Ceegee

The Lego Movie was awesome. 

Dang I'm glad I don't have to coordinate with CT. 

Hope you had a great time with L.


----------



## LongWalk

Wonder if the former Mrs RG will have anymore children?


----------



## ReGroup

LongWalk said:


> Wonder if the former Mrs RG will have anymore children?


As long as we are divorced by then or my name will come out on the birth certificate. Lol.

The support order arrived on Thursday - one of the last missing pieces to put this to bed.
I faxed it over to Team RG 3 times just in case.

Happy, she's naive enough to think that we will ever be friends. Not happening. Cordial, when she comes correct.

CG, my daughter was singing, "Everything is Awesome" all day today. And yes, you are lucky.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

LongWalk said:


> Wonder if the former Mrs RG will have anymore children?


Oh dear God I hope not.:banghead:ray:

I think I'll have to take d so she sits with the little 19 month old nephew to watch that movie.
I don't know if he can sit that long but there is only one way to find out.


----------



## ICLH

Sounds like she's getting frustrated and is realizing she doesn't have the control over you she thought she had. The only thing she has to use against you now is your daughter and your involvement in her life. You've given her NO other excuse to communicate about anything without her looking like a fool. Keep up the good work.


----------



## Chuck71

I see accountability is still a weak point for QL

God help her next child


----------



## ReGroup

Team RG just faxed over the Stipulation for Settlement!

GREATEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of thee Earth...


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Team RG just faxed over the Stipulation for Settlement!
> 
> GREATEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Beginning of the end.:smthumbup:


----------



## Bullwinkle

Congrats, Group. Now go get liquored up. 


BW


----------



## Ceegee

Drinks on RG.


----------



## GutPunch

Now that wasn't so bad was it.

Said ReGroup never.


----------



## Bullwinkle

Indeed, CeeGee. I'm picturing one of those nights where Group treats us to some Patron and we wake up on a bus stop bench in Queens, confused and not wearing any pants.


----------



## Ceegee

Bullwinkle said:


> Indeed, CeeGee. I'm picturing one of those nights where Group treats us to some Patron and we wake up on a bus stop bench in Queens, confused and not wearing any pants.


I call those Saturdays.


----------



## Bullwinkle

LOL, CeeGee, God love you, man. 

Group, you have been a true gentleman throughout this ordeal, if it were me she would be in the trunk of my car now, headed for a landfill in Jersey.


----------



## ReGroup

GutPunch said:


> Now that wasn't so bad was it.
> 
> Said ReGroup never.


Now, to get her to sign it. 

Should I mail it signed and notarized.

Email it to her to have her review it.

Or when I see her in person - drop to my knees and beg her to sign?


----------



## ReGroup

I'm taking victory laps in my office.


----------



## ReGroup

My coworker just said: Group, damn... you were bad 2 years ago. You looked like a zombie. You were frail thin... What's a few notches worse than Bad? That was you. YOU WERE PATHETIC. 

LOL.


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> My coworker just said: Group, damn... you were bad 2 years ago. You looked like a zombie. You were frail thin... What's a few notches worse than Bad? That was you. YOU WERE PATHETIC.
> 
> LOL.


Just a short term side effect to taking the red pill.


----------



## ReGroup

"Husband as Plaintiff has instituted an action for divorce against the Wife as Defendant which is now pending in the Supreme Court of New York State, New York County , wherein the Husband prays for a judgment of divorce against the Wife"

LOL


----------



## Bullwinkle

Emphasis on "pray". 


BW


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> I see accountability is still a weak point for QL
> 
> God help her next child


I think 15 minutes late in NY is ok.

Beyond that is worth an, "I'm not ok with that"

Do not tell her 15 minutes late is ok... just don't mention it if she is.


----------



## ReGroup

Conrad said:


> I think 15 minutes late in NY is ok.
> 
> Beyond that is worth an, "I'm not ok with that"
> 
> Do not tell her 15 minutes late is ok... just don't mention it if she is.


Chip,

I can let up a bit. 

Lets see how she handles the next exchange.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad

ReGroup said:


> Chip,
> 
> I can let up a bit.
> 
> Lets see how she handles the next exchange.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Talk less, do more.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Talk less, do more.


I like talk less, bang more.


----------



## ReGroup

"I think 15 minutes late in NY is ok."

He's grown a soft spot for QL!!!!

Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> "I think 15 minutes late in NY is ok."
> 
> He's grown a soft spot for QL!!!!
> 
> Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup

tom67 said:


>


Tommy, 

I'm glad to report that I am ready to MMSL the hell out of every female I am attracted to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AFPhoenix

It's nice to see another one close to emerging to the other side.


----------



## ICLH

What's MMSL?


----------



## tom67

ReGroup said:


> Tommy,
> 
> I'm glad to report that I am ready to MMSL the hell out of every female I am attracted to.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep when you say eff it and then become a recovering codependent It's a beautiful thing.


----------



## tom67

ICLH said:


> What's MMSL?


It's MMSLP
A book called married man sex life primer.


----------



## AFPhoenix

ICLH,

Married Man's Sex Life Primer....it's my next book. I'm voraciously reading all the self help books I can!


----------



## tom67

AFPhoenix said:


> ICLH,
> 
> Married Man's Sex Life Primer....it's my next book. I'm voraciously reading all the self help books I can!


Great book for us guys
you'll be shocked the first read.


----------



## tom67

Oh I know why you want to celebrate

Spring Training 2014: Chicago Cubs to open season at new facility

GM Theo said "If we can't win now"...:rofl::lol:


----------



## Chuck71

So Group achieves his quest! :smthumbup:

it's not that we aren't happy for you

but was it called for to set up QL with Derek Jeter?

now he's retiring so she won't get all his $$

all BS aside..... Walk well walked

ReGroup is waving at you on that island you were once on


----------



## Ceegee

ReGroup said:


> "I think 15 minutes late in NY is ok."
> 
> He's grown a soft spot for QL!!!!
> 
> Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She makes me soft too.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Ceegee said:


> She makes me soft too.


Click here.


----------



## Ceegee

Nucking Futs said:


> Click here.


Don't know if I want to...


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Don't know if I want to...



Like "pull my finger"


----------



## Chuck71

ahhh yeah.... I was a non-believer, a critic

my eyes gazed upon the surface 

to my astonishment, I see it... it IS here

official spring training games at 1PM

now it makes sense why my craving for

JD and pizza brought me out of my sleep last night


----------



## just got it 55

Tommy I heard Red Dye and White Sox were selling off the shelf In Chicago

55


----------



## tom67

just got it 55 said:


> Tommy I heard Red Dye and White Sox were selling off the shelf In Chicago
> 
> 55


Adam Dunn is going to the oscars that's the big news.

Oh and the schlubs are still "rebuilding"


----------



## Chuck71

give Theo time..... the owners have deep pockets

they should have given Sandberg a shot at manager

he was an updated Ernie Banks, a forever Cub


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Adam Dunn is going to the oscars that's the big news.
> 
> Oh and the schlubs are still "rebuilding"


The over/under is 66 wins.

I'll take the under.


----------



## Chuck71

I take over; 77-85


----------



## tom67

With their pitching, and the ones they will trade by the deadline, I see them at 68 wins, maybe.


----------



## bfree

Theo, Theo, Theo. How little we knew ye.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> I take over; 77-85


Winning more than they lose?


----------



## Chuck71

bfree said:


> Theo, Theo, Theo. How little we knew ye.


ask a redsawx fan


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Winning more than they lose?


wins 77
losses 85


----------



## just got it 55

Chuck71 said:


> ask a redsawx fan


Look at the team he worked with largely built by his predecessor Dan Duquett. 
He did make some moves that helped win . But he gets too much credit.


----------



## Chuck71

just got it 55 said:


> Look at the team he worked with largely built by his predecessor Dan Duquett.
> He did make some moves that helped win . But he gets too much credit.


I agree. it's easy to make a bad move which cost the team $5 million when their payroll is $180 million


----------



## bfree

I enjoyed this past season much more than any of the previous ones. There were no "superstars" per se. The players were very likable. The team was very resilient. Theo's teams all seemed Yankee-like. And don't forget that the trade that brought over Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell wasn't made by Theo.


----------



## Chuck71

bfree said:


> I enjoyed this past season much more than any of the previous ones. There were no "superstars" per se. The players were very likable. The team was very resilient. Theo's teams all seemed Yankee-like. And don't forget that the trade that brought over Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell wasn't made by Theo.


04 was magical. 07 they were expected to win.

13 was outta nowhere, like the 91 Twins.

I've always been in favor of a salary cap in baseball

it will take another strike for it to happen

Give me $200 million, yeah even I could get a team in playoffs

if they would set a salary floor, the Miami Marlins would fold


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Chuck71 said:


> 04 was magical. 07 they were expected to win.
> 
> 13 was outta nowhere, like the 91 Twins.
> 
> I've always been in favor of a salary cap in baseball
> 
> it will take another strike for it to happen
> 
> Give me $200 million, yeah even I could get a team in playoffs
> 
> if they would set a salary floor, the Miami Marlins would fold


04 was magical not because they finally had the players (they always had the talent) but because it was the first time they didn't somehow blow it. Lol


----------



## Chuck71

I felt really bad for Tim Wakefield after Boone's HR

I have a weakness for knuckleballers

Wilhelm, Hough, Joe Niekro, and Phil Niekro. pop was spitting image of Phil

he had a Braves jacket n hat on at a local eatery, mayor asked his autograph

in 1993, my 2nd love wanted to take me to a baseball game (yeah I SMH too)

it was a diamond dig after the game, diamond buried in the infield

women went onto the field after the game, it was a pathetic sight

but not as pathetic as "us guys" holding 6,000 purses

all you could see was a$$es jiggling in the air and dirt flying

The team that night, Carolina was playing Chattanooga

Carolina starting pitcher was Wakefield

year after his dominant rookie season and '93 failure

everyone "Johnny Come Lately'd" Wakefield and .... a year later 

boo'd him off the field. I thought, 'it'd be nice if he came back and made

all these "Saturday night girlfriends" eat crow"

186 wins later...... he did. Always will be a personal fav

Side note-Had Jim Leyland pitched Wakefield in the 9th of Game 7 1992 NLCS

the World Series archives would have read Toronto vs. Pittsburgh


----------



## Conrad

Last thing Boone ever did.

Too bad Wakefield hit his bat.


----------



## Chuck71

since Group is obviously sneaking around with a Mafia princess

reason I know, her middle name was Marie

I only feel compelled to start a 2014 baseball chat

since social spot got "zero" feedback

who will win the divisions? wild cards?

Cy Young? MVP? First player to fail drug test?

On a shinier note, I was perusing through some famous

Harry Carey commentary and I found a winner

"One day a couple were sitting in the bleachers and agreed to a deal.

He would kiss her on the strikes.

She would kiss him on the balls"

This Bud's for you Harry


----------



## Ceegee

Kissing balls on the evil sperm thread. 

Gotta love it.


----------



## Conrad

Chuck,

I'll go first.

Atlanta
St. Louis
Colorado

Wild Cards

Cincy
Los Angeles


----------



## GutPunch

Conrad said:


> Chuck,
> 
> I'll go first.
> 
> Atlanta
> St. Louis
> Colorado
> 
> Wild Cards
> 
> Cincy
> Los Angeles


I believe Atlanta has lost Beachy and Medlin. I had high hopes this year.


----------



## Conrad

GutPunch said:


> I believe Atlanta has lost Beachy and Medlin. I had high hopes this year.


Maybe Philly can wriggle back in.

I do have the Mets ticketed for last.

Sorry Group.

Sorry Script.


----------



## Chuck71

Los Angeles Dodgers top spender, end New York Yankees' 15-year run - ESPN

Rodriguez, who holds the record for the largest deal in baseball history at $275 million over 10 years, is suspended for the season for violations of baseball's drug agreement and labor contract. Because of the ban, he will earn only $2,868,852 of his $25 million salary -- 21 days pay for the 183-day season.


Won't make that in my lifetime....


----------



## tom67

Just in case people have not heard this...

Lee Elia Cubs Rant - YouTube

4/29/83


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Just in case people have not heard this...
> 
> Lee Elia Cubs Rant - YouTube
> 
> 4/29/83


He was right.

He is right.

It was his finest hour in baseball.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> He was right.
> 
> He is right.
> 
> It was his finest hour in baseball.


almost as good as Tommy La'S rant in 1980


----------



## just got it 55

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/...sEfKMaBAWpcmTpMv5A_YO6TsaD6sQSR7n8Btzk6iB-MXQ


Why Not

55


----------



## Chuck71

Washington
st. Louis
la dodgers

pirates
braves

MIT-Cubs
MRT-Phillies


----------



## Conrad

Boston
Cleveland
Oakland

Texas
Kansas City

Last place in the entire American League?

Albert Pooholes and the Angels


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Boston
> Cleveland
> Oakland
> 
> Texas
> Kansas City
> 
> Last place in the entire American League?
> 
> Albert Pooholes and the Angels


Moreno really p!sses money away.


----------



## Conrad

tom67 said:


> Moreno really p!sses money away.


The Freese for Bourjos trade was simply amazing.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> The Freese for Bourjos trade was simply amazing.


For the cards yes
Does he play gm in baseball like Jerry Jones does in football?

Jordan Danks was hitting great with 5 homers for the white sox but they sent him down.:scratchhead: He has an option left that's why.
But when you are last in offense including national league teams.
Well I guess they can't lose 99 games again.
Just think about that worse than teams that have a pitcher bat.
:wtf::slap::slap:


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> Boston
> Cleveland
> Oakland
> 
> Texas
> Kansas City
> 
> Last place in the entire American League?
> 
> Albert Pooholes and the Angels


No Detroit?


----------



## tom67

bfree said:


> No Detroit?


They should win the AL central again after that I don't know.


----------



## ThreeStrikes

Group's thread will never die LOL

Thought he had an update, and it's just Spring Season predictions.

Go Tribe!


----------



## just got it 55

bfree said:


> No Detroit?


Yankees ???????????


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



just got it 55 said:


> Yankees ???????????


4th place. What about em.


----------



## GutPunch

Opening day and the Cubs are already mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55

GutPunch said:


> Opening day and the Cubs are already mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


GP Is that Bama Math ?

55


----------



## GutPunch

Nope...its the derivative of Cubby reality multiplied by the amount of money spent in the off season + one goat and minus a Bart man equals no chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55

GutPunch said:


> Nope...its the derivative of Cubby reality multiplied by the amount of money spent in the off season + one goat and minus a Bart man equals no chance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Red Sox Nation only had to wait 86 years

Now the have Theo

All they need is Dan Douquette

You can see the progress he has made with the Baltimore

55


----------



## Conrad

ThreeStrikes said:


> Group's thread will never die LOL
> 
> Thought he had an update, and it's just Spring Season predictions.
> 
> Go Tribe!


Hey, they truly could surprise.


----------



## Conrad

bfree said:


> No Detroit?


No Fielder


----------



## Chuck71

Tampa
Detroit
Texas

Cleveland (Francona rule)
Kansas City


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: Time To ReGroup and Move On*



Conrad said:


> No Fielder


Prince or Cecil?


----------



## Conrad

bfree said:


> Prince or Cecil?


Prince

They are really going to miss him.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> Prince
> 
> They are really going to miss him.


I think they traded him because of his play in last years playoffs.
He didn't show up for that.
Giving Cabrera almost 300 million while on one leg was insane imo.
But he's the pizza king.


----------



## Chuck71

Conrad said:


> Prince
> 
> They are really going to miss him.


especially Cabrera


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> especially Cabrera


:iagree:
Can you say intentional walk.


----------



## vi_bride04

I love the Tigers. They are so great with their fans here in Detroit.


----------



## LongWalk

I was a kid in Michigan when Willie Horton, Al Kaline, Denny McLaine and company won the World Series.


----------



## Chuck71

LongWalk said:


> I was a kid in Michigan when Willie Horton, Al Kaline, Denny McLaine and company won the World Series.


:lol: that's the team I got urology gal's dad for Christmas

he was "plumb smitten" by it


----------



## GTdad

Seeing the Red Sox and Rangers on enemy territory next Tuesday while I'm in Boston. Looking foward to being in a great institution like Fenway.


----------



## larky

I find that couples who often fight, is the result of selfishness and the lack of compromise.


----------



## GutPunch

larky said:


> I find that couples who often fight, is the result of selfishness and the lack of compromise.


LOL


----------



## just got it 55

GTdad said:


> Seeing the Red Sox and Rangers on enemy territory next Tuesday while I'm in Boston. Looking foward to being in a great institution like Fenway.


My boy's got thier 2013 WS (Thats World Series) rings today


55


----------



## Chuck71

just got it 55 said:


> My boy's got thier 2013 WS (Thats World Series) rings today
> 
> 
> 55


Funny Boston Red Sox MarsterCard Commercial - YouTube


----------



## just got it 55

Chuck71 said:


> Funny Boston Red Sox MarsterCard Commercial - YouTube


Chucky thats some funny sh!t

I've got some splainen to do to my first born

55


----------



## Chuck71

is it me or is Puig starting to resemble Albert Belle....in a bad way


----------



## Chuck71

Ahhhh Days Gone By

Cubs-Reds Brawl and Harry Carey-speak 

this fifth is for you Harry

1984 Reds-Cubs Home Run-Foul Controversy - YouTube


----------



## Conrad

Chuck71 said:


> is it me or is Puig starting to resemble Albert Belle....in a bad way


I'm busy having my postgame Puigasm.


----------



## tom67

Conrad said:


> I'm busy having my postgame Puigasm.


Ugh this is a classic...bad that is

Oct 25th Terry Bevington Tony's - YouTube


----------



## Chuck71

if these huge four-eight year contracts weren't all guaranteed like 

in the NFL, I would bet, these players would not be as much of a 

"diva with nads" But "future talent" kept some in the league

for years....like

Todd Van Poppel 

Steve Howe (RIP)

Jerome Walton


----------



## LongWalk

Passed through NYC this summer. Thought of ReGroup and Conrad. Could have met them in Central Park or something.


----------



## tom67

Kind of miss Regroup.


----------



## Chuck71

A "birdie" told me he was doing quite well


----------



## tom67

Chuck71 said:


> A "birdie" told me he was doing quite well


Good:smthumbup:


----------



## Ceegee

Chuck71 said:


> A "birdie" told me he was doing quite well



A Cardinal maybe?


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> A Cardinal maybe?


I think it was a blue jay


----------



## Chuck71

definitely was an oriole 

being shot at from a senator

who was scalped by a *******

oooopppss can we still say Redskins?


----------



## Ceegee

Sure would be nice to have an update from RG.


----------



## tom67

Ceegee said:


> Sure would be nice to have an update from RG.


Yes!!!:iagree::smthumbup:


----------



## WasHappyatOneTime

Some guys threads simply belong in the Hall of Fame. This is one.


----------



## Chuck71

Amen


----------



## Keedy

I'm so sorry to hear that. Seperation/Divorce is never easy for anyone especially when you love them . I hope you continue your journey in finding you and in finding you, you will find happiness. I look forward to your journey of finding self! I'm doing the exact thing!


----------

