# my husband wants another baby



## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

we have been married 18 years and have a 13 year old and a 10 year old im 37 and feel a little scared by starting the whole baby thing again !!! dont get me wrong i love kids and i teach 5 / 6 year olds , but since my friend has had her baby hes become a constant nag about wanting another !! is 37 to old to start again ??


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Nope, not at all. I'm 51 and have a 12 year old. We wouldn't trade him for the world although on occasion people will mistake me for grandpa.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

thats pretty cool !!! it a major age differents between kids though dont you think ? my husbands like cant you just do this one thing for me ...and im thinking this isnt some small ask its my career to .. He was very reluctant for me to return to work after our first two.. i managed to return once our youngest was 5 and i had to retrain


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

wow i sound so selfish !!!! im not selfish at all , my children always come first always have always will .. but i love my job to


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

As I’m sure you know many things need to be thought about before bringing a child into the world. This is a choice between you and your husband and you must each fully understand each others’ wants and needs. If your career is that important to you need to consider how the child will impact it. I don’t believe you are being selfish as long as you try to understand your husband’s wants. Good luck in your decision no matter which way it takes you.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

I totally understand his needs and his wants, i love him more then anything ,my career is important to because it hasnt been easy to get to where i am i love teaching . guess its gonna have to one off them long talks and maybe throwing caution to the wind and seeing what happerns !! just pray that its not a multiple pregnacy if thats the course we take !! thanks for you advice its good to hear from another point of view


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## AnnLovesJohn (Dec 16, 2008)

As long as it something you both want, not just him!


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

37 is nowhere near to old, but it's a life altering decision (as you know since you already have kids). good luck w/ whatever you decide. i wish i could have another baby, but it would kill me


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

37 is not to old to have a baby .... but it's old enough that you should really, really, really want one in order to bother. I mean it. I'm 36 and my kids are still young ... 4 and 2 ... it's freakin hard. It's always hard, but unlike having kids in your 20's, your body does not bounce back the same way. The hormonal shifts can really trigger all sorts of medical issues (it did for me). And the career thing can be tough to manuever, especially if you want to be home with the baby.

Anyway, it doesn't sound to me like you were even remotely thinking about having a child until your husband decided he wants one. BOTH of you should want one very much - or else just enjoy the two you have. 

Anyway, how about you give your hubby a compromise. Sign up to be foster parents. You can request to get only babies or young children. That lets you have the joys of a young child in your home while doing a good deed ... and saving your body the pregnancy/ post-pregnancy traumas that are more common after your mid-30's.

In summary ..... DON'T DO IT!!!!!! LOL


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## Angry Andromeda (Dec 20, 2008)

I would not have one either, if you already have two. I agree with the compromise above. You should enjoy your lives together. Make sure he's not trying to paper over problems in your relationship - as you know once that baby comes along you won't even have energy for the legitimate needs in life. I had my first when I was 34 and it was exhausting.

Ditto about foster parenting. If he is really so crazy about kids, tell him to volunteer at orphanages.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

thanks for all your advice , we have a lot to talk about we have my friends baby staying new years eve so im thinking that will be a desider for both of us , i love the idea of fostering and it is something we have both talked about for a while ,but id like to foster older kids 8 + i think they have a harder time to find carring placements .


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Wanted to let you know my husband read my posts and realized its just not easy to say i want another baby, and that he has become very over powering in asking .

We are away for a week in the new year and have agreed to have a long talk then. thanks to all for your advice


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Look at it this way -- you'll be 55 by the time the kids graduates from high school. And then there's college. Do you want to spend your retirement on those things?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

thanks dcrim i can totally understand where your coming from but its all my husband talks about .. its not that i dont like children ..hes already said that he love me being at home looking after the home cooking dinner looking after the boys ...i cant help thinking if i did this for him id never get back to work and id become a bored house wife ..... thats what i dont want


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

my mother had me when she was 39....So nope never to old


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

You have a 13 yo and a 10 yo. Why does H want a baby? 

Is it to keep you "busy" and out of the work force? Do YOU want one? 

What about foster parenting? What about adoption (maybe a child close to the age(s) of your existing children)? 

Do NOT do it for HIM, do it for the BOTH of you, but only if BOTH of you want it! 

I can only remark that my kids are grown (born in '76, '79,' 83) and I've had my AARP card for a few years. I'm happy for the ones I have and for the g'kids. But my time is done...I want to enjoy my later years; not have to cart a kid off to a ballgame, dance lessons, etc. 

I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just what I want (or not).


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

my head says NO and my heart says yes  it just knowing which one to follow .. i know it means a lot to my husband and he has the children on his side to now !!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, it still gets back to communication...ask him why, exactly, he wants another baby right now? There's a reason your head and heart don't agree.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

well we had a long chat last night and he told me that he misses ours being little he was also honest and told me hed like me to be at home instead of working.
he feels the whole family would benifit from having mum stay at home the children wouldnt need to go to after school clubs ( they only go for a hour each day !)

I told him that i know how much he wants this but i cant let it happern for those reasons .
i love my family and my husband dearly we are gonna have to talk a load more about the subject


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

It's very good you talked! I agree, his reasons sound a bit weak. It has to be what you both want and what works for all of you. 

If he wants little ones around...try foster parenting. My niece does that and they love it. They get all ages, but you should be able to specify you only want infants, etc. 

But that still means you have to stay home to attend them. So, maybe that not an option, either. Of course, you could ask him if HE would stay at home instead of working and take care of the kids!


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

well after major long talks a little raised voices and a whole lot of soul searching we have desided our family is doing fine with out adding a extra baby ....
hubbies a little sad about that and a little angry , but i know its the right choice for us 
thanks to all x


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

HD

Glad the two of you could come to an agreement. To bring a child into the world should be a mutual agreement. Congratulations, and be happy!!! :smthumbup:


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

AMP 

Thanks yes we are really happy together more so then when i first said my vows to him.
And i want nothing more then to spend the rest off my life with him i love him more every day ..and yes its all about talking communicating and not letting things slide ,thanks again carol


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