# another sex question for all



## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I was just thinking and wondering if it's just me. 

For the ladies...

We all know that women have to have a mental desire for sex in order to achieve an orgasm. So when a man wants sex and the woman obliges, but she's not really mentally into it, does she still enjoy it even if she doesn't reach orgasm? 

For the men...

Are you ok knowing that your wife is enjoying sex even though she won't achieve an orgasm? 

Or is it just me who goes through this? :scratchhead: Sometimes we'll do it and I'm fine just doing it and not climaxing. He, however, doesn't seem to be able to wrap his head around this concept.


----------



## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

The main reason men have this problem is our masculine nature...

It's feelings of guilt, failure, inadequacy, etc. like we couldn't get the job done. Old caveman kind of thing... "If you were a real man, you could make her orgasm no matter what!!!"

My wife does the same thing. She orgasms more now as she has let down some of her mental walls, but when we were first together, she rarely if ever would orgasm. And told me she never orgasmed before we got together. It was 100% mental on her part. She just couldn't let herself go...

But it still bugged the heck out of me and still does to this day. Re-assurance helps, but I still feel guilty if I orgasm and she doesn't.


----------



## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Of course its always good to reach a orgasmic state ! but when i dont its not the end of the world i enjoy pleasuring my hubbie. Most women would agree that you need to be in a relaxed state off mind before you reach a orgasim..... hard when you have held down aj ob sorted the kids ,done the housework, cooked dinner ,etc lol  so go for a nice long massarge first and lots of foreplay !! And dont feel guilty


----------



## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Mmmmm... Foreplay 

O's are... great!! but NOT the point of sex for me. If he's really into me, and I don't O... no biggie. If I don't O because he doesn't TRY, then I'd be upset (and have been!)

No guys, we love you whether we 'occasionally' don't O or not. 
But we sure don't love you any LESS when we come 

Just don't make a habit of not helping us to O 

Girls, we can't really complain if we don't know what makes us consistently go from 0-60. Took me a while, but I now KNOW what makes me come - each and every time. I just need to find a willing partner to test this theory. oh say 1000 times for starters. *grin*


----------



## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

bhappy3 said:


> *Sometimes* we'll do it and I'm fine just doing it and not climaxing. He, however, doesn't seem to be able to wrap his head around this concept.


The key word here is "sometimes". I used to be fine with doing it and just enjoying it without climaxing. However, after that became the way things are, rather than the occasional exception, I was NOT happy with that arrangement.

In a way, I think you're lucky that your hubby recognizes your orgasm as an important component of the sex ... mine seemed to think it was just fine and dandy if I never came (until I informed him otherwise, after which, he decided it was "too much pressure" on him to help me reach orgasm )


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

bhappy3 said:


> So when a man wants sex and the woman obliges, but she's not really mentally into it, does she still enjoy it even if she doesn't reach orgasm?


Sometimes i enjoy it even if i dont reach orgasm. Just depends.


----------



## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

For me I would have to say if I'm "not into it" then I don't enjoy it. If I'm into it and don't reach the "climax" I'm good with that, the trip is often more fun than the final destination!


----------



## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

Great topic! This is something i have a terrible time wrapping my mind around. I have a burning desire to know my wife has finished before I do. Sex is not nearly as enjoyable for ME if she does not have an O. 

I have come to realize that if she is pleasing me, just because she knows I am in need. I would prefer something other than sex (oral, hand, masturbation). In my warped little mind, sex to me should be active on both sides trying to ensure each other gets to their happy place.


----------



## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

Just because I don't "finish" does not mean I am doing it "just to please". It is a very simular theory to MTs seman retention. I'm not sure if it makes me want it more often or not, I just know that I am quite capable of enjoying the sex without having to cum. 

Do you not enjoy sex until after she has her O? Or do you feel that you have failed in the end if she does not? I'm just trying to figure out at what point you find it less enjoyable. Please don't think I am trying to be critical, just develop a better understanding.


----------



## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

Dancing Nancie said:


> Great topic! This is something i have a terrible time wrapping my mind around. I have a burning desire to know my wife has finished before I do. Sex is not nearly as enjoyable for ME if she does not have an O.
> 
> I have come to realize that if she is pleasing me, just because she knows I am in need. I would prefer something other than sex (oral, hand, masturbation). In my warped little mind, sex to me should be active on both sides trying to ensure each other gets to their happy place.


It's harder for men to perform when they're not in the mood than it is for women its simply biology. I think it makes such a huge difference to a relationship if you're willing to do that for your partner.

For myself I'll rarely orgasm more than once, after that I'm pretty much drained. We usually cuddle for a while then he'll want to go again. It took a lot of persuading early on before hubby was willing to do this, but I kind of insisted as it was just too much for my ego to know that hubby wasn't entirely satisfied. While it rarely does anything for me sexually it is a kind of intense experience I'm usually feeling a little girly, the sex is usually missionary (cause I'm typically too knackered for anything else) which hubby likes, I think he preferes this sex cause he gets to stroke and whisper to me and its quite intimite, I get a buzz out of knowing how much he's into it though its a pity I hardly ever orgasm.

Anywho if he wants to go again after that I'm usually physically not able for it so I'll give him oral sex. It's only in recent times that hubbys let me give him oral cause he used to have negative views of the whole thing. But even that I get a little buzz out of.

So even if you don't orgasam from sex it doesn't mean that you can't get something out of it.


----------



## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

lostluv said:


> Do you not enjoy sex until after she has her O? Or do you feel that you have failed in the end if she does not? I'm just trying to figure out at what point you find it less enjoyable. Please don't think I am trying to be critical, just develop a better understanding.


I do enjoy it before, and it's not as if I find it less enjoyable. The best way to describe how I view this is: I would much rather have an active participant than a willing participant. At this point, I would prefer to not have sex at all, then have her just go through the motions for my sake. When that is the case, O's are few and far between.


----------



## lostluv (May 12, 2008)

Dancing Nancie said:


> I do enjoy it before, and it's not as if I find it less enjoyable. The best way to describe how I view this is: I would much rather have an active participant than a willing participant. At this point, I would prefer to not have sex at all, then have her just go through the motions for my sake. When that is the case, O's are few and far between.


Ok, now I think I understand what you are saying. I agree, I would MUCH rather feel that both are equally into things than feel it is mostly one sided.


----------



## Kerry (Jan 9, 2009)

Great topic.

I can still enjoy sex without an orgasm. As long as we're very emotionally connected (and we typically don't have sex if we aren't). I think it is very situational though.

Sometimes no O just warms me up a bit for the next time because it tends to build for me. So, no O and next O might be an OOO. 

I've shared this with him, that when the intensity builds my O just gets better next time, and I think that takes most of the pressure off.

I'm lucky though, b/c my H is very goal oriented

-K


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

i rarely say no to sex, but if im really really not in the mood. as long as H takes the real dominance lead and maybe a little forceful, then its quite a turn on.
so most of the time i do enjoy it, if orgasm isnt achieved.


----------

