# How does one cope or handle working in the same area?



## Please Help Me! (Feb 18, 2011)

I would like to request input from any and all that can.

How does one cope or handle working in the same area with the SO that I left 3 weeks ago? We both work for the same educational institute. We work in the same building, same open floor plan area, different departments though. We work the same general work schedule.

This relationship did not have any sort of infidelity in it! I lived in a seemed truth! SO thought, assumed, made up, conjured, fabricated that I was doing things with numerous women! I never did anything like this to damage our relationship while we were together(10-11 years)! Her insecurity, jealousy, untrusting, paranoid behavior kept rising up throughout the years! All this culminating these past 6 months!

I left the house that we shared 3 weeks ago. I was able to live at my families house during this time. I have been able to take the last 3 weeks off from work with the option to extend this time. I am thinking about going back to work after next week, 4 weeks total. Since my departure, I have had NO contact with her. She has not made any attempt to contact me. She wasn't in or isn't now in a extra relationship with someone else. Nor am I in another relationship, never wanted to in the first place.

I am about to go into an environment that I don't know the rules or how to handle or cope with working with or around the woman that I truly wanted to spend my whole life with!!!

I truly wish for your input or suggestions on this matter? I respect each and everyone of us on this helpful board, as we are going through some pretty difficult individual situations that we didn't even think would happen to us!

Thank you for your time,

Please Help Me!


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

Hang in there, my W and I worked together for 4 years, drove our
relationship into the ground. What have you done during your 3
weeks time off and no contact. Is she stubborn and are you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Please Help Me! (Feb 18, 2011)

*What have you done during your 3 weeks time off and no contact. *
At my families home, I've reconnected with the whole bunch of them! I've also been able to purchase a new car, clothes, shoes, still searching for a set of glasses that don't cost an arm aro leg! I am working out and have gained about 10 pounds back of the 30 that I lost! 

*Is she stubborn and are you?*
I am open to her if she was willing. I have not made contact as per the "180". She is a very stubborn person.


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

O.k. my W is also very stubborn but NC is good for you because
you are able to concentrate on yourself. Why not just test the waters,
get your feet wet and send a text which would normally need a
response i.e. How are things going? I know 180 says no but you
need to initiate something. Put it this way, there are two results here
from your story;
1. She has/is having an affair hence her insecurity to yourself, many
people blame others for their behavior. It would be well thought out
because she knew how you would react i.e. Leaving.
2. You have confirmed her thoughts by not making contact.

I will be honest, my W is a bull when it comes to being stubborn but
I found NC with her blew up in my face. She only wanted space and
friendship. No separation can be reconciled without friendship, it's a
starting point. 180 for you is good for you and maybe not ideal for
her. Having a good balance has helped me leaps. It can be tricky.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

That's a tough one...My honest advice to anyone considering starting up with someone from work is DON'T DO IT!!! But since you were together for so long, your situation is different from mine.

About a year ago, I was seeing someone from work, it lasted only a couple of months. We stopped seeing each other and of course, things were awkward, since we ran into each other a lot...what I did was change my hours, change the time I went to the on-site gym, change my lunch hour, etc. I avoided him like the plague, and it helped. Now, a year on, I can see him and it's like nothing ever happened.

Like I said, for you, it was a long term relationship, so obviously a lot more at stake...but avoiding the person helped me.

Good luck!


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## Please Help Me! (Feb 18, 2011)

The floor that we work is such that her path to and from her work station does not pass me at my station. I however work a computer floor that is the major area of the building, and am working around her area as to the students needs.

How does one handle if she should start seeing someone else in front of me? As you might have noticed, I have feelings for our relationship still. I truly know that this split has no reason behind it(mine or her infidelity) to have separated us. I didn't and don't have any aspirations to date someone else at this point. I just can't bear the thought of someone else in the picture, when this all never should have happened in the first place!!


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Well, I think I got you beat. And I ain't bragging - BELIEVE ME. My stbx and I have worked in the same location for 11 years. We were actually married and working for two different companies for 20 years before that but we merged corporations and she moved into the same building as me 11 years ago. We have been at the same company for 30 years. She just dropped the D word on me last week. We both have full pensions and I do not see either of us leaving the company. At least she is on another floor and I do not see her all the time. What to do? No way we can end this marriage after 30 years on bad terms.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

As a person who had to work closely with my estranged husband for more than two years after we separated, I can tell you it isn't easy. It can be done though. You will have to really psych yourself up for this challenge. While at work stand tall and put your personal life out of mind. Focus on work. If you come into contact with your wife at work, treat her no differently then you would treat other colleagues. Do not discuss any personal issues at work. Keep work strictly work.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

827..Thanx. That's the plan I have but then again, I don't really know how it will feel until it happens. I appreciate your input, and I think I can handle it OK. The deal is, that I also have several friends at work and to pass her in the hallway while going out to lunch with the gang that already knew us is going to be akward and I am already getting some anxiety over it. I would feel embarressed in front of my co-worker friends - although they are great guys and understanding and helping me through some of this - but how akward!


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## Please Help Me! (Feb 18, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> 827..Thanx. That's the plan I have but then again, I don't really know how it will feel until it happens. I appreciate your input, and I think I can handle it OK. The deal is, that I also have several friends at work and to pass her in the hallway while going out to lunch with the gang that already knew us is going to be akward and I am already getting some anxiety over it. I would feel embarressed in front of my co-worker friends - although they are great guys and understanding and helping me through some of this - but how akward!


827, I as well wish to thank you. I am starting back to work on Monday after taking 4 weeks off! I don't anticipate any conflict or unprofessional contact from SO. I haven't made any contact with her, nor has she attempted any contact these past 4 weeks. brighterlight summed it up with, *"That's the plan I have but then again, I don't really know how it will feel until it happens."* It is just a big situation that has been forced into our lives and we have to deal with these awkward things somehow!!


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