# Still having issues around her poor communication skills...what to do?



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

It is always the elephant in the room, no matter what we have and how much I try to think in the positives in our marriage....it is always the same, her poor capacity to bring conversation or to tell you things you need to hear from your wife....don't know if I can live like this with her and knowing that she'll never be able to change her way of be....how do I deal with it..,..most of the time, I am okay, is about once a week that it bothers me and had to digested it and move on...but I don't know if this is just going to grow to be something that could break our marriage.....what do you think?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Why is it up to her to tell you that you're doing well?


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Agree w/conrad. Don't wait for her (or anyone). Just do it. Say it. Dream it. Live it.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

I agree with the above posts. It might be that she shows the stuff you wanna hear in a different way. 

Now, about communicating. It is tricky to get someone to talk about normal relationship status/issues/joys/etc. I do not know the specifics, but trying to tell her in a way that explains to her that it is important to you, how you feel about the relationship and its wellbeing might make her understand. Don't expect any miracles right away though. Your first step shoul just be to get her to just once in a while tell you that something is bothering her, then why and build on that. Most importantly, keep a level head, do not get angry during the process or if she is dissatisfied by something you did. 

This is just a short summary, not explaining the details and doing it wrongly could easily net you the complete opposite of what you wanted. 

Also, try to work on needing her for validation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

I'm not as experienced as some of these guys around here, but I can tell you from my marriage that my wife shut down over the years and stopped communicating the more and more I became a "Nice Guy". If the sex and other aspects are OK in your marriage, then this is just about communication. Get the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. Gottman. It will help you open a line of communication. In general, you need to be a good listener and communicate your feelings to her... 



marcopoly69 said:


> It is always the elephant in the room, no matter what we have and how much I try to think in the positives in our marriage....it is always the same, her poor capacity to bring conversation or to tell you things you need to hear from your wife....don't know if I can live like this with her and knowing that she'll never be able to change her way of be....how do I deal with it..,..most of the time, I am okay, is about once a week that it bothers me and had to digested it and move on...but I don't know if this is just going to grow to be something that could break our marriage.....what do you think?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Why is it that women need to hear certain things from their husbands but this guy can't ask the same from his wife without getting criticized?

My suggestion is to try to draw the conversation out of her. Start with non-confrontational discussions and then get more personal. Watch where she starts to pull back and ask her questions that don't require a yes or no answer, forcing her to say more than just yes or no.

Small steps at first. And don't criticize anything you hear. You want to encourage openness, and criticism will just hurt your efforts.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Thank you....I guess it is a process and takes time....it is just after 22 years of being together and all the history behind us, I don't know if I have it in me, to keep getting change from her after going through a process of arguing, fighting, having old arguments, and at the end of the day, she makes me feel because her lack of being able to talk to me in a certain way, to make me feel sexy, or that she has been thinking of me....no no no...it is always the same silence and feeling that all we have that brings emotions into our marriege is because of me...because I push it, and she is just trying to make me happy or keep up with it, but she can't understand that a happy long marriage is when both reach a point where they realize that both need to invest in the relationship which means that if you are not the kind of people that think about how to make the other happy (in the things that make you happy), then, what is left is boredom, and with time and if I get fed up with always being the one trying to make our marriage exiting, I don't know what is going to happen...but I don't see myself very much into my wife is she cannot show me that she is into me...what's the point!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Some ppl need to reach a point when they're losing their partners, then they start to realise things and become initiative. 
I think she took you for granted.
She needs to get to a point that she's losing you. So no more free ride of free investments from you. Then she will start to make effort in marriage.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Some ppl need to reach a point when they're losing their partners, then they start to realise things and become initiative.
> I think she took you for granted.
> She needs to get to a point that she's losing you. So no more free ride of free investments from you. Then she will start to make effort in marriage.


It is difficult without making your children realize that something is wrong....it is difficult when you (me) are the kind of person that enjoy talking about things, like to make jokes, like to tell your spouse how beautiful she is and how much you love and desire her...it hurts when you think that you are alone in your quest for feeling close to the love of your life....we fix what there is in our hearts and after a few weeks, a month, there is something that happens that sent us back to the same argument....do we both want the same?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

If you choose to sacrifice for your kids, you will need to ignore your emotional needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> If you choose to sacrifice for your kids, you will need to ignore your emotional needs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Difficult....I am going to keep trying to communicate and see if we can fix this.....thanks..


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