# Wife caught talking to om after seperation and then false R



## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

I'll make it short and simple... 
My D day was 4 weeks ago today. Went through my phase of bullcrap etc etc... 
I started using the 180 about a week ago and it helped to relize many things about myself! 
My wife never wanted a R after the d day, she was on the fence the whole entire time. Then she wanted some time to think - be alone and asked for a seperation. 
I said sure but if she would want to be with the om or somebody else- I asked her to let me know. 
We have a 5 soon to be 6 year old boy, own a house, car etc... We're both 27 years old. 
I've read and followed many threads on this site and they are like a manual on cheating spouses. 
I've seen all the red flags with her. The hiding of the phone when I entered the room. Not allowing access on her phone, fb, email. Asking for a seperation. Not willing to do mc or ic 
Basically I was in limbo for awhile and needed answers soon. All i wanted was-Yes let's do it or no forget about it. 
Basically she was cake eating and wanted it all. 
I installed a key-logger two weeks ago and var the other day.
In the back of my head I knew something was up but I didn't have proof until last night. She finally used the laptop and I got her info after I got home from work. Logged on and what do I see? Msgs from the OM that I actually work with at another job out of the province. 
I was right the entire time just needed the evidence. 
Well the funny thing is that earlier today she actually came to and told me sincerely she wanted to R and would do anything to make it work. 
I was happy that she relized it and wanted a future together.
Well shortly after She came home and we were supposed to go out on a date for drinks and apps. 
We got in the car I was driving and I asked what made her change her mind about the R and she told all the good reasons blah blah blah. 
While she was MSG the om all day and all week long prior to this conversation. 
I asked if there was somebody else and looked her in the eye and she replied no there nobody else but you! I asked if she was sure because I was holding proof in my hand! She said no show me. I did I took pictures with phone of everything they said- how she asked him if he wanted to f*ck her and sh*t! Plus all the good morning beautiful I miss you blah blah! 
She got booked hard. I knew that because she wanted a seperation and followed a certain path and behavior she didn't end things the first time properly. I know it's hard and can take a couple times but you lied to my face several times again and again.
Anyways we went to the bar. Had drinks and shots etc... I felt relived because I got my answer finally. 
She's been trying to tell me that she was going to end things with him that's why earlier she asked to R. 
I'm not sure where I should take this next. After the bar- We had an amazing make up sex in the car that had her cumming all over the place repeatedly. 
I got to say it was f*cking hot. She now truly wants to make a attempt to make it work out. 
Obviously we need to get the no contact in place and complete Trensperency that she didn't want to commit to earlier. 
What I'm stuck on Is should I give her another chance or should I take the easy road out?
She repeatly played me time after time even though she only had sex with him once 5 weeks ago. After their 1st time she got her monthly friend and I found out a week later. 
This om is 6 hours away I made sure he left my city before I broke his legs. But he still manage to MSG and talk to her daily until I found out again. 
Suggestions ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

onemic said:


> I'll make it short and simple...
> My D day was 4 weeks ago today. Went through my phase of bullcrap etc etc...
> I started using the 180 about a week ago and it helped to relize many things about myself!
> My wife never wanted a R after the d day, she was on the fence the whole entire time. Then she wanted some time to think - be alone and asked for a seperation.
> ...


IMO, while women may initially hate it, the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" routine works. Women respect men who call them on their ****. Often times they don't even know WHAT they want so it's up to you to illustrate what will make the both of you happy.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

If you let it slip it will happen again.

If you are set on giving the R a chance, file for divorce. She gets a shot to convince you that she's still worth having in your life, before the D is final.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Has she given you all access to devices and accounts, all passwords?

Has she handwritten a no contact letter to the other man?

Has she apologized to you?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Amazing how easy it is for a woman to play a guy with a single session of good sex.


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

No passwords and stuff as we're both getting ready to attend her family's wedding shortly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Yea, it is called divorce. 

Cheat once, and repents. Fine, don't do it again. 
But staying in contact with the man she cheated on you with? Divorce.

She wanted to reconcile with you, because she is far enough out of the fog to realizethat she won't be able to be with him. 
Or she realized that she needs you for what you provide. 

She wants reconciliation?
No, she wants everything to return to what is what like when you had no idea what she was doing, and she was spending her time with the OM. 

Now is not the time to talk to a counselor, or MC, or her. 
Now is the time you open up the phone book, and find a good divorce lawyer. 
Then you find a moving company, and have them put all her crap on the truck, and tell her to find an apartment.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

onemic said:


> I'll make it short and simple...
> *My D day was 4 weeks ago today*. Went through my phase of bullcrap etc etc...
> I started using the 180 about a week ago and it helped to relize many things about myself!
> My wife never wanted a R after the d day, she was on the fence the whole entire time. Then she wanted some time to think - be alone and asked for a seperation.
> ...


Have her handwrite the no contact letter, give you transparency, stop deleting things, go to mc, ic or whatever else you need her to do, then you get to decide if you want to R.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Shut down the gratuitous sex.

She's using it to manipulate you.

You think the fact that she's ****ing you better than she ever has is merely coincidence?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Please re-read, print, save, and re-read daily the post by Will Kane. There are some keen insights that, in your heart, you already knew but wanted to ignore.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

One suggestion, Start thinking with your head, the one above your shoulders.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Wait, she wanted to "end things" with the OM by asking if he wanted to f*ck her, only a couple of days ago?

Come on man....


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

You're wrong thinking it is you or him. She's not thinking that way, she's thinking CAKE. She wants to play one of you off the other for as long as she can -- and be at the center of all the drama. The dynamic is explained here -- The Unified Theory of Cake

Should you R with such a person? IMO -- No. Because she's not sorry, she's an accomplished liar. She only "got sorry" because you busted her and she didn't not want to lose the hypotenuse in the groovy little triangle she's got going. 

Don't get fogged by the sex endorphins. It's a primal thing, and there's a name for it -- hysterical bonding -- when you have desperate, hot sex with the person who betrayed you. You're trying to make your mark. 

Understandable, human, but BAD STRATEGY. You are simply REWARDING HER for f*cking you over. Now is the time to DETACH from her. 

She has no true remorse for what she's done -- that is obvious by the fact that one DDay wasn't enough for her, she continued her affair. You need to impose serious consequences -- like D proceedings or a postnup. If she balks, there's your "sorry." 

Sorry is as sorry does. Here's some more info, with practicals (like how to find a decent lawyer) How to Leave a Cheater

Think with your head, not your man bits.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

onemic said:


> After the bar- We had an amazing make up sex in the car that had her cumming all over the place repeatedly.
> *I got to say it was f*cking hot.* [/i][/size]



Ummm guess she swore the OM wore a condom, that she wasn't already preg, that the OM swore he was clean. 
Oh what the heck - get an STD test anyway. (*Please*)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So she was possibly thinking about ending it with the OM if you agreed to R ? And to work up to it she's been sexting with him all week long?

Wanna buy some swamp land in Manitoba?

1. Have you exposed her affair to family and friends?
2. Have you exposed the OM to his wife/gf if he has one?
3. Get all those pwds and accounts
4. Keep the VARs and keyloggers
5. no passwords on the phone
6. no deleting any messages before you've read them
7. immediately a NC letter to the OM that she lets you read and then you send together
8. She informs you immediately of any attempts by the OM to contact her - she doesn't read the messages /text or pick up the phone,

One - just one - slip up and you end it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Next time she will hide it better


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

onemic, did you leave the bar that night with her? Or, somebody else?


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

hookares said:


> onemic, did you leave the bar that night with her? Or, somebody else?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

hookares said:


> onemic, did you leave the bar that night with her? Or, somebody else?


Yes, we left together! I don't know what's up still. 
She doesn't want to R I dont think. 
If she does yes we need to imply all those necessary steps! 
That is if I want to stay here!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Amazing how easy it is for a woman to play a guy with a single session of good sex.


Reminds me of the old joke:

Q) Why are men like carpet tiles?
A) Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for years.

Somehow that doesn't seem all that funny...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you exposed? Especially exposed in the OM"s world?


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## onemic (Aug 14, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Have you exposed? Especially exposed in the OM"s world?


Yes her while immediate family knows now! But it didn't seem do anything. 
I'm contemplating whether I should writ a post on her fb page so her 1500 friends can see. 
I noticed she also hid her relationship status so nobody can see. 
The om didn't have anybody close but his mom I guess. But I didn't expose him at all! 
Through all the exposure I don't wanna look like a tool
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

onemic said:


> Yes, we left together! I don't know what's up still.
> She doesn't want to R I dont think.
> If she does yes we need to imply all those necessary steps!
> That is if I want to stay here!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If she wants R, she needs to be on her knees begging for a second chance full of remorse, tears all over the place with instant action to her words not hesitating for whatever you ask her to do the second you ask, nc, no fb, no gno, etc etc.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé to his mom.

Exposé to the wider set of friends.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

[Sigh]


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, I forgot - POST him on Cheaterville.com as well. He's willing to cheat with a married woman and that's truly a cheater.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

onemic said:


> *Well the funny thing is that earlier today (September 1) she actually came to and told me sincerely she wanted to R and would do anything to make it work.
> I was happy that she relized it and wanted a future together.*Well shortly after She came home and we were supposed to go out on a date for drinks and apps.
> We got in the car I was driving and *I asked what made her change her mind about the R and she told all the good reasons *blah blah blah.
> While *she was MSG the om all day and all week long prior to this conversation. *
> ...


*What happened*? That post above was just this past Saturday? By Sunday, had she already reneged on providing passwords? What about her statement that she "would do anything to make it work"?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

This man got his nose wide open.

Don't take it too hard, hes still in betrayed spouse fog.

Once anger hits he'll realize the reality of his situation.


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## Pyroguy (Aug 28, 2012)

Onemic, you're too young to deal with her nonsense. Yes, there's a house and a kid, but man-up and do the right thing...she's still using you as her sugar-daddy (money-wise), while giving all the honey to the OM. It is pretty clear to everyone that she really doesn't want to R, except as a last resort...until she finds yet ANOTHER OM to share herself with. Eventually, she's going to get another guy, and you'll be history. Better for you to write the final chapter as the hero, than for her to write it with you being the fool.

You have a lot of years left...use them with a woman who respects you, even if you have to work out of town sometimes.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Most reconciliations are not going to work. 

You're either a cheater, or you're not. Once you decide that you have the gall to do such a thing, you simply are that person. Your wife is that person, and in order to restore the marriage she will have to change huge, fundamental things about her. And it doesn't look like she's a big enough person to do something like that. 

Dump her man.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Exposé to his mom.
> 
> Exposé to the wider set of friends.


Agree, his mom should be proud of him especialy once she knows it is public knowledge.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

So, she says she only wants you but is still talking to the OM. You gave her proof that she lied and is still in contact.

So, she proceeds to F your brains out and now you're not sure of what to do anymore. She's got a very powerful weapon and you can't fight it off.

Dude, she asked the OM if he wanted to F her brains out also. File away and let her work her behind off proving to you that she really wants to R. If you still want her.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ Agreed.

Men need to realize that mindblowing sex is only to fvck with your head. 

Can't be getting manipulated just because of sex, you should be recognizing it for what it is.

Chris22 was done with his wife, until she screwed him and gave him a good night. Put him pretty much back in limbo(off 180 at least) and then she uses that opportunity she stole to pretty stab him in the heart one last time for good measure. 

Its just not worth it. An extra dose of heartache just because you got a little bit of p****. 

It also signals that she has absolutely no respect for you if shes feels that she can manipulate you in such a base manner, like the same way an owner would give his dog a treat to roll over.


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