# Is it wrong to attend a funeral of my ex-girlfriends mom



## poets't heart (Jan 1, 2010)

22 years ago I had a relationship with a childhood friend that did not work out. Yet we have stayed friends. There are periods though when we are out of contact for a long time as my friend has moved around a lot. The last time I saw her was 10 years ago. 

A few months ago she called me to tell me she was back in California. She lives 4 hours away. I had my children say hello to her on the phone. We talked about getting together sometime to meet my family. 

I found out that my friend's mom has passed on. I want to be there for her at the funeral. 

My wife assumes that I am going to stray. 

Am I wrong for wanting to attend the funeral?


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

You are not wrong for wanting to attend the funeral.  If your wife is really upset about it, take her with you.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

artieb said:


> You are not wrong for wanting to attend the funeral. If your wife is really upset about it, take her with you.


Awesome.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Yep. Go with your wife. 

Are you leaving something out? Attending a funeral hardly sounds like the setting to begin an illicit affair. Do you have some history of infidelity of any type? If not, your wife might need to work on self-esteem if she feels this threatened by your desire to support an old friend at her mom's funeral.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> Attending a funeral hardly sounds like the setting to begin an illicit affair.


Um... he helps with some sort of clean up afterwards, everyone is gone, then they look at each other and 22 years disappears in an instant. A single tear rolls down her check and when she says "just hold me" and _it's on._

The wife has made her feelings known on this matter. Based on her viewpoint and her knowledge of how you relate to your ex, I'm in some agreement with her that your intent is an affair. If she goes with you, she's going as a federal marshall and will be on duty the whole time. She will not like that very much.


My wife just added - send a card and flowers. Appropriate to do something, just not run to her side.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Atholk;127690If she goes with you said:


> I don't think she'll have to be all Secret Service during the funeral; it's not like there's much chance to sneak in a 60-second quickie between the viewing and the eulogy.
> 
> If she's there with him, the level of scrutiny necessary should actually be pretty minimal.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

artieb said:


> I don't think she'll have to be all Secret Service during the funeral; it's not like there's much chance to sneak in a 60-second quickie between the viewing and the eulogy.
> 
> If she's there with him, the level of scrutiny necessary should actually be pretty minimal.


Yeah but 4 hour drive each way, 2 hours at the other end for the service et al = 10 hours of BS to amke sure hubby doesn't cheat on her.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Atholk said:


> Yeah but 4 hour drive each way, 2 hours at the other end for the service et al = 10 hours of BS to amke sure hubby doesn't cheat on her.


Good point. My wife & I always have fun when we drive somewhere, listening to books on tape, or whoever's not driving reads magazine articles and then we talk about them. We make use of the time, and also this way the driver is mentally engaged with the passenger, so less likely to fall asleep (and passenger more likely to notice rapidly). Four hours of travel together would be pretty good alone time. (Not really good, of course; you'd have to park for that. 

A good book of essays or short stories or something, taking turns driving/reading, can be time very well spent in the car. And some together time, just the two of them, may be beneficial in other ways.


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## MrP.Bodybig (Jul 21, 2009)

If you knew this women you have every right to attend her funeral. Reassure your wife it is only to pay respect to the dead


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## poets't heart (Jan 1, 2010)

Thank you for the feedback everyone. I am going to the funeral. My wife will not go...she does not like cemetaries (afraid of ghosts). That said...I have a difficult time visiting my father's grave as teh cemetary is 2 hours away and she won't go with me inside.


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