# Has anyone here helped someone expose?



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I really want to expose but I can't have it affect my job. I work for someone in this person's family and one of a few people who actually know.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Rugs said:


> I really want to expose but I can't have it affect my job. I work for someone in this person's family and one of a few people who actually know.


Probably best to stay out of it unless you can do so anonymously.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Rugs said:


> I really want to expose but I can't have it affect my job. I work for someone in this person's family and one of a few people who actually know.


Then I'd counsel against exposing at this time.

Keep your powder dry, for now.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My point 'twas, has anyone had someone do it for them so there hands were dry?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Rugs said:


> My point 'twas, has anyone had someone do it for them so there hands were dry?


You could do it yourself. Set up a throw away email and use the facility at CV to send the link to other people in their lives.

But! Who do you think would get the blame even if you DID get someone else to do it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jewels465 (Nov 20, 2014)

It still would always come back to you, so if your job is at stake I would steer clear of any involvement.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

If you are a friend of the betrayed, you can encourage them to expose. But I'd never do it for them unless they asked me to. 

Exposure helps to break the affair, and get support to rally around the betrayed. That should be left under the betrayed's control.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

Does anyone else know besides you?
Does the "offending party" know that you know about them?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

If your friend won't expose and isn't asking, then why should you? My view is that exposure is not about punishment or just desserts, but about saying hey you douche you want to do this in secret but I'm not keeping your secret. It's not about broadcast, it's about honesty. But if the spouse does not want it out, then you might respect that too, though it should not limit your honesty.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Sorry, I may have not understood. Does the betrayed spouse know about the infidelity? If not let them know. Even anonymously. For some reason I was under the impression that he or she knew and was letting it lie. Tell. But that is a bit different from exposure, as I think of it. Letting someone know who does not know their spouse is cheating on them is a pretty fundamental act of decency.


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

Be anonymous while exposing. I did.


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## DoveEnigma13 (Oct 31, 2013)

Nope, but **** it, I'll do it for ya.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Dove, you're the only one. Most people are into exposure but then, often, the same people say stay out of it. 

Should you only expose your own spouse's infidelity or anyone you know is cheating.

Gus has a story up of a guy who handed a stranger a note to expose a stranger. What if the boyfriend killed his pregnant wife or girlfriend? Would you feel responsible if you started a chain reaction or would you feel the cheater asked for it?

I must say, I'm Leary of karma but I hate to see people get away with lying and destroying other people.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Oh, and RV. Sorry


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

My opinion is that if the betrayed does not know of the infidelity it would be the right thing to do to let them know somehow. But I don't think it is anyone else's place to expose the affair publicly. If the betrayed wants to expose to work, relatives, friends etc then it is their choice.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

So how much detail do I send to a total stranger? All the information including the AP or cryptic and short? 

The BS is a man if that makes a difference.


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## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

Rugs said:


> Gus has a story up of a guy who handed a stranger a note to expose a stranger. What if the boyfriend killed his pregnant wife or girlfriend? Would you feel responsible if you started a chain reaction or would you feel the cheater asked for it?
> 
> I must say, I'm Leary of karma but I hate to see people get away with lying and destroying other people.


What if he kills her? What if she has an STD from her cheating? What if she gives that STD to the baby? What if she abuses him? She already is abusing him by cheating. What if, what if, what if?

We can ask the "What if" questions all day long, but the facts remain. She's cheating, and he deserves to know, regardless who he is. I'm not condoning an abusive response on his part, but I'm certainly not going to condemn him of committing an act before he even gets a chance to decide what to do. This is what bothers me so much about the "What if he abuses her?" tactic. Its a massive double standard based on a view of all angry men being physically abusive; all while she gets to gaslight him, have her fun on the side, hurt him by her actions, and the list goes on.

As for how to anonymously expose an affair. That's easy. Make a throw away Facebook account and/or email. Sure you're doing so anonymously, but that doesn't have to mean you're being fake. Be honest in what you say to the betrayed. I've actually done this. I wrote to a betrayed and said, "I can't tell you why I'm writing you or who I am. I can tell you that your wife is having an affair. Her partner's name is ______. I can't take away your pain from this, and my heart goes out to you. I can give you some advice. See a therapist or somebody who can help. Do things for yourself. I am deleting this account, so know that I won't be able to respond to anything you send to me. I wish you the best of luck and I am sorry that you are in this position."

Edit: If the WW in this case knows that you know, and that you're the only one who knows, then you do want to seriously think about exposing due to the risk of your job.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

I feel that exposing is the decent thing to doa nd it should be done but in your case anonymously. 

I agree with what you said regarding everyone here always saying to expose but some then retract it as not being a good idea. It doesn't make sense.

Expose with a throw away email account.

The story I put up regarding the stranger giving the other guy a note in my opinion shows that some people of character and decency are still out there. Be one of them. Otherwise, the guilty conscience will eat away at you. 

If you feel it may come back on you (like you are the only one that knows), then I would think through a serious gameplan before acting. I had a friend who had a co-worker who was cheating on his wife. While his co worker was in the bathroom at the end of the day, he stashed pantyhose in one of his jacket pockets. I laughed when I heard this because I didn't think it had any chance of working but because his wife was suspicious already and oddly enough she found it, it blew up his world a little bit. 

My measure on what to do is if I was in the BS situation, what would I want someone to do for me ??? And if someone tries to pin the exposure on you, threaten to sue them for harassment and defamation of character and be extremely defensive. They will back off


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

and I wouldn't worry about the consequences on the other end if the situation blows up. They brought it on themselves. The BS has a right to know and you have a right to a clear conscience


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Yes, I'm not talking about telling the whole world. I'm talking about telling this man that his wife is cheating on him. 

I don't know him. I don't know who else knows. 

He may be a nice husband, he may be a cheater too. He may already know. I don't know. 

I don't want it to come back to me but I'm starting to care less and less. 

I'm just trying to craft the best way.

I am unfamiliarity with throw away accounts and secret Facebook accounts. 

I'm still on the fence. Although I wish someone would have told me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I had an opportunity to expose an affair once, and I balked. I wish I hadn't...



GusPolinski said:


> Werd. Ditto. I'd do the same to or for any of my buddies. Having said that...
> 
> I feel very guilty for not telling my sister-in-law last year that my brother was cheating on her. This is how it went down...
> 
> ...


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Rugs,

I think it's the right thing to do and Gus' story shows this. I am willing to help you find ways to be anonymous in this. But you have others here who are better at tech than I am. 

I will post some suggestions tomorrow.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I've been googling a lot of articles about telling a betrayed spouse and basically most say:

Don't do it, it will backfire

Telling is more about you (me) then them.

They most likely know. 

I would like to but I don't think I have the guts to do it yet.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I've been googling a lot of articles about telling a betrayed spouse and basically most say:
> 
> Don't do it, it will backfire


This is what is commonly referred to as "FUD"; fear, uncertainty, and doubt.



Rugs said:


> Telling is more about you (me) then them.


Pssh, please. Talk about a pretty weak attempt at shaming someone for their morals...

"Your morality is nothing more than vanity."

"You're only doing it to feel morally superior; you're no better than him/her, you just need to feel like you are."

"Who are you to tell others how they should live?"



Rugs said:


> They most likely know.


If the statistics are to be believed at all, this isn't true. And either way, this is just another way to justify and rationalize ignoring the little voice in your head.

And, honestly, with infidelity as rampant as it is these days (in some surveys, something like 70% of married respondents anonymously admit to cheating on their spouses), are you really so surprised at reading some of these responses?

Having said that...



Rugs said:


> I would like to but I don't think I have the guts to do it yet.


Don't let anyone or anything pressure you either way. Listen only to your own conscience, and do what you feel to be right.

But also consider this...

WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO KNOW?!?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Rugs said:


> I've been googling a lot of articles about telling a betrayed spouse and basically most say:
> 
> Don't do it, it will backfire
> .
> ...


I'm one of those who believes but has no proof my wife cheated. Probably several different affairs. Some smoking guns but no dead body. I've asked her once (at a time I thought she had recently cheated but there was zero indication of a current affair) if there had been any affairs, and she said no.

I might not react kindly to a stranger telling me my wife was cheating. I don't know. I might give them a hug for telling me. But I am certain I would be very thankful for being told.

As I was thinking about my situation earlier today, I was thinking how I would be so deeply disappointed if I found out 30 years from now that she indeed did have those affairs. I thought how sad it would be to have wasted my life living with a cheater.

Yes, I am still on the fence whether to leave. It will be grotesquely expensive to D in this state. Knowing for a fact she cheated would bring me closure and the ability to take action.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Send snail mail to his office. If you've got evidence, put it in the envelope too.


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## jewels465 (Nov 20, 2014)

So what's the verdict?


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I'm not telling him. I let it go.


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