# Fight for her or fight for my life?



## ddxx (Jan 19, 2012)

Hello,

The wife and I have been together for three years now. We are very young, right now I am 24 and she is 20. We met each other online and immediately clicked. Both of us are unique people with very little connections to any families. I guess that's one of the reasons why we connected so well in the early days.

Over the past 15 months of our marriage, I've been working more and more than ever before. I've seen success at my job which has allowed us more economic freedom. The problem is, I've been limited by my environment - Job, wife, and location. In my eyes, it's time for a big change. I want to move to the west coast, work part time, and downsize myself to allow for the economic turn. She wants to not move anywhere, stay put, save money for whatever reasons, and so on...

Oh... I'm getting a head of myself. Over the time we've spent in our marriage we continue to fall apart. Our main difference is religion. I've posted here before on these topics consulting the forum and this time it's coming to a climax. For past topics look here: 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...87289-what-process-divorce-read-my-story.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/38539-first-blow.html

The main advice giving in these topics was to 'get out.' The reason I haven't done this was because I do care for her and it was very early in our marriage. I also was having massive success at my job, which has resulted in me spending more time there then at home, easing the pain. 

We are different in so many ways. Religion being the obvious killer, but also how we think, what we want, politically, and so forth. Her future goals are pretty standard - travel, kids, place to call home. Mine our rather unique - travel but only by bike/walking everywhere on limited money, continue learning and such.

I guess, the *main* problem I have and the reason I am here is... I still care for her and I am afraid of life after separation. Right now, I have a perfect plan in place for move towards Portland come April 2014. She is aware of this plan and we have had very serious talks regarding it/separation. 

a) She is very young and while not unable to work, she is not exactly the healthiest person alive. So I am afraid for her, I don't want to see her miserably fail. She is very emotional, and she is already liking and hanging out with another guy. I think this is primarily because of our fallout. She needs another guy to talk to communicate with, and I hope she doesnt let her self go because of it.

b) I am wondering whether I should re-think things and fight for her, which would ultimately be sacrificing my personal goals for the companionship. If I do go through with my plan to Portland, I am afraid I will be lonely. I don't exactly plan on dating much and I'm known to have very little - to no friends.

I am ultimately wondering if you guys have been through similar situations and how it turned out for you. Where you left regretting your decision to leave someone you cared about, or did you stick around only to find out that you were limiting yourself and not realizing your own dreams because of it?

Thanks all....


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Doesn't see like you really love her that much. Don't get me wrong I am not saying you don't love her but from your post it seems you are not ready to settle down. Another thing... don't worry or be afraid for her. She is a full grown woman and can take care of herself. Heck she did before you two met and she can manage after you leave. 

If chasing your dreams is what you wish to do and not doing so will cause resentment and she is already talking to another guy when neither of you are even so much as seperated yet...... then ffs go chase your dreams. 

Seems like neither of you are really that committed to each other.


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## ddxx (Jan 19, 2012)

Everything seems to be pointing that direction. I agree. Thanks for your words.


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