# I do not know what to think anymore



## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Hello everyone, 

Well, I really do not want to seperate or divorce my wife at all, though I feel like she wants me to, with out telling me so by the way she treats and acts towards me. 
I was raised once you marry, you are married, no divorce. But these days its out of control and I really do not want to add to the growing trend. 


We used to fight alot, I was a heavy drinkier and now have been sober for 9 months now. I was jealous of her, facebook, blackberry, and her two friends. This is now all over.... 

My Grandma had just past away easter weekend I was very close to her, just before we left the cemetary my wife finally came up to me and we hugged. I was crying, telling her that i am finally done with all the crap between us and i mean it. 
Well, since that day i have stopped being jealous, watching every move, getting mad for stupid reasons that have no reason for being mad about, I am not up her butt no more i have backed off and given her space. 
I told her the other night, has she noticed in the last few weeks my changes. She says yeah but i really do not think she cares anymore. I sorta feel like my time to make things right have passed by and there is no more coming my way.
I mean listen to this, we hardly talk which is not bad but i hate sitting there for hours like we do not know each other. I will say to her why dont you talk to me. She just says what, I just want to relax. okay, fine but man, i actually care now since i do not drink anymore. Before when i drank 24/7 i did not care, she was the devil to me. But now that i have stopped i realized i truly love her, but i feel that i pushed her away and can no longer get her back. Could i be right??????
I get no good morning or good night, there is no hugging or kissing unless i do it first. As for the kissing, it is only a peck on the lips, I cannot remember the last time we actually kissed like we love eachother. 
Not to mention i probably couldnt kiss like that anymore cause i feel i have forgotten how too, its been that long..... I always have to say I love you, and when she does it totally seems like it is just said to shut me up besides it having true meaning.
I just want to get her back and have a great life together. After my grandma had passed away i saw pictures i never saw of her and my grandfather and they were very happy and in love to gether. 
You can totally tell in the pics. I now, want to have that as well, cause i remember my grandma telling me how much she loved my grandfather.
Latley, my wife has said to me, we just dont have much or anything in common... I said excuse me, yes we do you just do not want to aknowledge we do. 
You would rather listen to this friend of yours, that you have only known for 8 months now, that says you and her have sooo much in common. I told her just wait a little longer and you will see that it dies down. Well, guess what, her other friend that was a pain in the butt was like that as well. But now my wife rarely talks to her LOL. Not to mention this friend of hers has also asked my wife in a text message "why dont you just leave him" my wife responds " I wish LOL :0)". I mean what am i supposed to think when i see things like that? 
When i confronted her on this, she says oh, we were just kidding. I said oh yeah thats real funny huh... 
I just do not feel happy with her now, i feel like i cannot even talk to her about things. I tried talking to her about my grandma, when i did she tells me this " oh, man up and get over it" shes lucky i did not knock her out for that one. But do you see what i mean it just seems like i live with someone. 
Matter of fact this past weekend i was being so nice to her. Her and my two daughters wanted to get a puppy and have been looking for weeks now. Well, this past friday we went and bought a puppy. My wife is so happy now and so are my girls, which makes me happy. I am hoping this will bring us closer together now. 
But honestly people, does it sound like she wants nothing to do with me? She has told me if i stop drinking things will work out great, she told me this many times. I stopped 9 months ago, how long does it take for things to improve? I stopped being mean and crabby, she told me that if i did that as well, things would improve. Been a few weeks now and nothing. I was also told to back off, i have and no difference.. Am i being played here? She had also, told me once that i make her miserable she will make me miserable.... Well, i feel miserable, is this punishment from her>?


----------



## someguy888 (May 15, 2010)

You both need professional therapy. What have you done, besides stopping drinking, to work on your marriage? I am hearing a lot of talk about things that happened but not what you have done constructively to work on your marriage together.

Take your marriage seriously and take some positive steps to improve things... books, therapy, talking to your wife, etc.


----------

