# Perspectives



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I am a member of a expat Facebook group. A poster on there posted how she had been tricked by her husband. She moved with him to Denmark and gave up her high paying job, then the Danish husband decided they should move back to the USA so he could work there. She went over first and he legally separated from her.

She is getting a great deal of sympathy.

My thoughts were, you have been in Denmark for four years and have not got round to getting a job yet? An important reason why Danes want to come back to Denmark is to have kids, but you do not have any. What has she been doing for four years?

It is possible he did trick her into moving out first, so that he could claim the house. However, it seems just as likely that she thought she could move to the USA, divorce him under California law and claim all their property.

My wife has contacted this lady as she feels she has been similarly tricked (she gave me the ultimatum that she was moving back to the USA and whether I came or not was up to me).


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Mr The Other said:


> I am a member of a expat Facebook group. A poster on there posted how she had been tricked by her husband. She moved with him to Denmark and gave up her high paying job, then the Danish husband decided they should move back to the USA so he could work there. She went over first and he legally separated from her.
> 
> She is getting a great deal of sympathy.
> 
> ...


First of all, you don't get divorced in CA and get all of the property. It is a pretty hardcore community property state and that means 50-50.

Did she have the right to work in Denmark? Did she know the language? Are her skills transferable? Maybe she didn't take the transition well and was depressed.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Fenix said:


> First of all, you don't get divorced in CA and get all of the property. It is a pretty hardcore community property state and that means 50-50.
> 
> Did she have the right to work in Denmark? Did she know the language? Are her skills transferable? Maybe she didn't take the transition well and was depressed.


She has the right to work in Denmark, for many roles you would not need Danish and after four years she would certainly speak Danish. After four years, a man without a job would be a bum.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Well, since it isn't YOUR situation, you really don't know the dynamic, do you? Moving countries and giving up a high paying job to follow a spouse throws a wrench in it. You don't know if they are dealing with infertility, depression or anything else. You are just looking in from the outside and wanting to make judgments.

Are you looking for support for your situation?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Fenix said:


> Well, since it isn't YOUR situation, you really don't know the dynamic, do you? Moving countries and giving up a high paying job to follow a spouse throws a wrench in it. You don't know if they are dealing with infertility, depression or anything else. You are just looking in from the outside and wanting to make judgments.
> 
> Are you looking for support for your situation?


No, I am pointing out that the way I see the situation is heavily influenced by our own experiences. I am noting this, that I have prejudices. You are getting upset at me for not being aware I have a specific perspective when that is the point of the post. 

If you would care to check, the thread is called "Perspectives". Being a man, I immediately see the man's viewpoint and doubt that he would be that selfish and I have direct experience of women acting in such a manner. As a woman, you might find it typical of a man to be dishonest and believe that pretty much all women will make a big contribution to a marriage if they can.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Mr The Other said:


> No, I am pointing out that the way I see the situation is heavily influenced by our own experiences. I am noting this, that I have prejudices. You are getting upset at me for not being aware I have a specific perspective when that is the point of the post.
> 
> If you would care to check, the thread is called "Perspectives". Being a man, I immediately see the man's viewpoint and doubt that he would be that selfish and I have direct experience of women acting in such a manner. As a woman, you might find it typical of a man to be dishonest and believe that pretty much all women will make a big contribution to a marriage if they can.


Hard to say, but in my experience men can be at least as selfish as women. Overall I would think men are more selfish and self centered than the average woman. The bad thing is, we guys usually do not realize it.

I was stationed in Italy and Germany for 3 years at a time. Most of my peers did not bother to learn german or Italian as there was no need. It is easy to get around Western Europe only knowing English. So it seems to me there is much more going on in this relationship than any of us know.

Sounds like a lot of deceit and selfishness by both parties to me.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Mr The Other said:


> No, I am pointing out that the way I see the situation is heavily influenced by our own experiences. I am noting this, that I have prejudices. You are getting upset at me for not being aware I have a specific perspective when that is the point of the post.
> 
> If you would care to check, the thread is called "Perspectives". Being a man, I immediately see the man's viewpoint and doubt that he would be that selfish and I have direct experience of women acting in such a manner. As a woman, you might find it typical of a man to be dishonest and believe that pretty much all women will make a big contribution to a marriage if they can.


Actually, I am looking at it from the expat perspective.


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