# Porn in the marital bedroom: A more critical look



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

This is kind of a spin off from another by woman stating she likes porn and feels it has opened up her sexuality and has enhanced her sexual experience with her partner and asks if that is a bad thing. In looking at that OP's prior posts, she has a history of single post drive-by threads so I don't know when or even if she will be back but she brings up some interesting points that is worthy of discussion. 

Is porn always bad???

Can it have benefits? 

I think it deserves some critical thinking and a deeper dive into it's risks vs benefits. 

There are going to be some that will say it is always bad in all situations and will never have any positive benefits. 

I think something as prevalent as erotic imagery deserves a little more critical thought than a knee-jerk blanket statement that it is bad because some preacher said it was. 

If it's bad, what makes it bad? What situations and parameters cause it to have negative outcomes? 

Can it be of benefit? What situations an parameters can not only mitigate the negative effects but also illicit some positive benefit? 

Now, I have many posts on here where I advise people to turn off the porn, come up out of their mom's basement and keep their hands off their own parts and intigrate themselves into the real world and connect in the physical realm with their real life partner or get out and meet flesh and blood humans. 

I will stand by that advice in many instances of porn use, but I do not believe that porn is universally harmful or always a detriment to one's sexuality or to a relationship. 

I think in some applications it can be of benefit. 

Before I get too long winded and break things down into specifics, I'll state that I think in general that many/most of porn's negative effects occur when it is done in isolation and apart from a connection with a consenting human partner. In other words, when someone is delving into it alone in the dark and separate from a partner, I think is when a lot of the negative manifestations occur. 

Conversely, I think if two people in a consensual manner explore it together without coercion, pressure or duress and it is something where their interests and what they find appealing and not appealing etc are shared and discussed, I think it can be of benefit to both their sexualities as individuals as well as their sexual dynamics a couple. 

I think a parallel to other sexual accessories such as vibrators, dildos etc can be made. If someone is only using their vibrator in isolation and is using that at the exclusion of their partner, it will cause problems in the sexual dynamic of the couple. But if employed as an adjunct in the couple's sexual dynamic, it becomes another form of heightened arousal and stimulation and can enhance the experience for both. 

Those are my general thoughts to get things started, but what are your thoughts? If you take a critical look what do you see as good and what do you see as bad? Breaking it down further, what situations and practices can make it a positive and what situations and practices do you see as making it bad and a detriment? 

Be specific because I believe in all things the devil is in the details. What specifically can make it bad vs what specifically can make it positive?

EDIT: Oh and also, for the purposes of the discussion, my intent is for couples in actual relationships/marriage. Not single people who are not in a current sexual relationship. I think that is fodder for another discussion. My question is how it relates to people in an established relationship/marriage.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

There are all types of porn. I like tender, loving situations. I also look for "confirmation", looking for men who are actually having multiple orgasms in a loving situation.

It seems that a huge amount of porn is just plain cheesy. 

I'm turned off by anything that is male oriented or appears to be using the woman as an object: grabbing hair, hand on the throat, no reciprocal pleasure in the act, ejaculating outside the vagina. I'm sure that there are some women that enjoy all that, but I haven't met them yet.

My wife has viewed some videos with me that were done by a woman for women. (Seeing what women really appreciate is pretty hot.) But for the most part we just look to each other.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I had my own thread on this but its been a long time.

I have mixed feelings about porn. I have no moral objection to it beyond the fact that not all videos have been consensually released....there have been lawsuits brought by women whose ex bf's put them up without consent and the porn site knew it. That's why Visa just cut off pormhub.

But that issue aside I think it can be damaging to the intimacy of a couple because it deflects attention and creates expectations. Porn is a business and is designed to keep you coming back. 

But if you can keep control and avoid addictions and don't decide your wife should measure up (and this may not be conscious) then there's probably no harm done.

If you use it together and you both enjoy then I see no issue.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I have never stayed away from porn 'because a preacher says so' but I have always known since my teens that it's a form of unfaithfulness by bringing others into the marriage and that was before I was a Christian and before I ever married. 
God simply says what I knew and felt anyway. 

So yes for me and Mr D it's a complete no no because sex for us is between husband and wife and no one else whether that's in person or on a screen. I can't think of a single benefit but so many negatives of porn.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Julie's Husband said:


> I'm sure that there are some women that enjoy all that, but I haven't met them yet.


I have watched a lot of porn in my lifetime and my wife has watched some. She likes some of the classic porn moves and I’m glad she has watched some and same with myself. Her BJ skills have gone up by leaps and bounds in the last year and a half, I just told her what I wanted to do based on what looked amazing in porn and it was amazing IRL.

So it’s not all bad but generally I think if it’s used a replacement for in the flesh sex it’s not great and kind of sad.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Any time there is a discussion of porn, the topic of addiction always comes up. There is still a lot of debate and controversy within the medical and psychological communities over whether it is an actual addiction or not. While it is widely accepted that it can be problematic and cause issues within relationships and such, there is debate over whether it is an actual addiction or not. 

while looking for info on whether it is actually addictive or not, I came across this article which has an interesting statement regarding a study of porn in married/cohabitating couples and the statistics indicated that male porn use was associated with lower sexual quality, but female porn use was associated with higher sexual quality for those women. 

The OP's experience in the other porn thread supports this as she stated that since she started checking out porn, her sex life has improved and she feels more positive about her sexuality. 

What I find interesting is here on TAM it is usually women that are making the most negative blanket statements about it. 

Perhaps things need to switch around and change things up a bit and men need to stop watching porn as much and women need to start watching MORE  










Is pornography addictive?


Psychologists’ research is working to identify ways to treat people whose porn use is interfering with their lives.




www.apa.org


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## DaringGreatly (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> What I find interesting is here on TAM it is usually women that are making the most negative blanket statements about it.
> 
> Perhaps things need to switch around and change things up a bit and men need to stop watching porn as much and women need to start watching MORE
> 
> ...


That's because women are the ones who feel to most negative effects from it. 

99% of porn is aimed at men. And turns them into terrible inept lovers. 

The porn girl shows up already turned on (the inability for a male partner to know how to turn on his female mate is crucial to keeping a sexual relationship alive through difficult times and yet all the men in dead bedrooms who love watching porn don't have this skill) and porn girl then sets about proceeding to please the man only and apparently has mind blowing screaming multiple orgasms from PIV sex. This is not the case for most (but not all) women who don't orgasm from PIV at all. 

Porn is junk food for your sex life unless it is something you are both into and do as a couple. Just like junk food, it's cheap and easy and readily available but there is a price you will eventually have to pay.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I


oldshirt said:


> Any time there is a discussion of porn, the topic of addiction always comes up. There is still a lot of debate and controversy within the medical and psychological communities over whether it is an actual addiction or not. While it is widely accepted that it can be problematic and cause issues within relationships and such, there is debate over whether it is an actual addiction or not.
> 
> while looking for info on whether it is actually addictive or not, I came across this article which has an interesting statement regarding a study of porn in married/cohabitating couples and the statistics indicated that male porn use was associated with lower sexual quality, but female porn use was associated with higher sexual quality for those women.
> 
> ...


To me there are things in life that deserve 'blanket statements'. 
It's like saying well maybe men should cheat a little less and women a little more. Or maybe men should get drunk a little less and women a little more. Why? 
Porn damages the one watching it, their spouse, marriages in general and children and teens who watch it. The only people who benefit are those who make money out of it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I
> 
> To me there are things in life that deserve 'blanket statements'.
> It's like saying well maybe men should cheat a little less and women a little more. Or maybe men should get drunk a little less and women a little more. Why?
> Porn damages the one watching it, their spouse, marriages in general and children and teens who watch it. The only people who benefit are those who make money out of it.


I don’t think blanket statements or absolutist thinking is helpful or solution oriented. I think it’s lazy and that we can do better.

Porn is here to stay and it’s only one click away for everyone so we can’t just say it’s bad and hope it goes away because it’s not going to go away. It’s been here since cave drawings and is only proliferating more as time goes on. 

Instead of saying it’s bad and hoping it goes away, we need to ask questions and look into what makes it bad and consider which populations and which applications make it detrimental and how can those negative effects be mitigated.

And we also need to make a critical look at what populations and what applications can it be positive. 

Knowledge is power and with knowledge we can learn to decrease its negative effects and utilize its positive aspects in the most effective and efficient manner.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> I don’t think blanket statements or absolutist thinking is helpful or solution oriented. I think it’s lazy and that we can do better.
> 
> Porn is here to stay and it’s only one click away for everyone so we can’t just say it’s bad and hope it goes away because it’s not going to go away. It’s been here since cave drawings and is only proliferating more as time goes on.
> 
> ...


Not it's not going away but each of us can choose to reject it. You can't decrease it's negative effects except to warn people how damaging it is and for those like myself and Mr D, not to accept it in our marriage.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

DaringGreatly said:


> That's because women are the ones who feel to most negative effects from it.
> 
> 
> Porn is junk food for your sex life unless it is something you are both into and do as a couple.


This is kind of what I am getting at. There is conflicting data out there. 

If the presumption is that women bear the brunt of the negative aspects of it, then we need to be asking why and under what circumstances and what components are contributing to those negative impacts. 

And since there is data showing women can also have positive benefits, then we need to be asking ourselves why and under what circumstances and situations is that occurring as well. 

Rather than making blanket statements and then turning off our brains and walking away, we can have the ability to report what scenarios and situations are most likely to illicit negative outcomes and which are more likely to have positive outcomes.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Not it's not going away but each of us can choose to reject it. You can't decrease it's negative effects except to warn people how damaging it is and for those like myself and Mr D, not to accept it in our marriage.


That’s where I think just saying no is lazy and ineffective. 

There have been Nancy Reagans and church ladies telling people to just say no for a long long time and it just keeps growing so obviously that approach isn’t working.

Just-say-no has never been effective in things that people want to do whether it be sex or alcohol, tobacco, marijuana or whatever. 

When someone makes a blanket, absolutist statement, it tends to go in one ear and out the other. 

People already know that things can be harmful in some circumstances and situations and not harmful in others. 

So when someone makes an absolutist blanket statement to just say no, that approach gets immediately dismissed.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> That’s where I think just saying no is lazy and ineffective.
> 
> There have been Nancy Reagans and church ladies telling people to just say no for a long long time and it just keeps growing so obviously that approach isn’t working.
> 
> ...


We can only warn people, its up to them if they want to carry on. We can show them the countless studies done on the damage it does to peoples brains, lives and marriages, but it's up to them if they still want to carry on. 

People will always make stupid decisions, that's life. 

The answer isn't to lower our standards, it's to hope that others will raise theirs. If they don't then they have made their choice.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> *Porn in the marital bedroom*


We have plenty of that in hardcover and softcover formats, filling a bookshelf in our marital bedroom.

Not forgetting all of the other pornographic drawings, paintings, and pornographic JPG, HEIC, TIFF, CR2, MP4 and MOV files we have. On top of our having access to various pornographic websites and social fora, through our various devices with World Wide Web access.



> This is kind of a spin off from another by woman stating she likes porn and feels it has opened up her sexuality and has enhanced her sexual experience with her partner and asks if that is a bad thing. In looking at that OP's prior posts, she has a history of single post drive-by threads so I don't know when or even if she will be back but she brings up some interesting points that is worthy of discussion.


Good for her, she is not alone in enjoying some pornography.



> Is porn always bad???


No, some of it is really quite splendid.



> Can it have benefits?


Of course it can.

For example it can be pleasing to the eye, it can be sexually arousing, it can also be hilarious both intentionally and unintentionally. It can enhance the experience of masturbation as well. It can scratch someones exhibition itch. Likewise it can provide an income for lots of people, including for those who make it, distribute it, regulate it, not forgetting those who peddle cures for it, and some of those who counsel for or against it.



> I think it deserves some critical thinking and a deeper dive into it's risks vs benefits.


There's been plenty of that already, with a parade of studies variously saying pornography is terrific through to some saying it's terrible.



> There are going to be some that will say it is always bad in all situations and will never have any positive benefits.


That's their loss. Yet if that's how some people feel about, they are free to think that way.



> I think something as prevalent as erotic imagery deserves a little more critical thought than a knee-jerk blanket statement that it is bad because some preacher said it was.


There's already lots of that, yet it's not going to change the mind of people who are determined to believe it's bad.



> If it's bad, what makes it bad? What situations and parameters cause it to have negative outcomes?


Well bad pornography comes in all sorts of flavours Some of it is poorly rendered by pen, brush or camera. Some of it is really lame, some of it is really boring. Some of it shows terrible behaviour, some of it is ridiculous. Some of it isn't made ethically.



> Can it be of benefit? What situations an parameters can not only mitigate the negative effects but also illicit some positive benefit?


How long is a piece of string? There are so many things that need to come together well, to make pornography enjoyable for the consumer of it. Sometimes more lighting is better sometimes less lighting is better and so on etc.



> Now, I have many posts on here where I advise people to turn off the porn, come up out of their mom's basement and keep their hands off their own parts and intigrate themselves into the real world and connect in the physical realm with their real life partner or get out and meet flesh and blood humans.


Pornography is enjoyed by an enormous number of many more people, than those who fit your description above.



> I will stand by that advice in many instances of porn use, but I do not believe that porn is universally harmful or always a detriment to one's sexuality or to a relationship.


Of course it isn't, since that is reality. That said if some people believe otherwise, that's okay as well. Since it's not like it's a crime to be misinformed, ignorant or delusional, and nor should it be a crime.



> I think in some applications it can be of benefit.


Yep, it can be beneficial in helping to generate some sexual arousal. To show some people that they are not alone in their sexual proclivities. Likewise it can also offer some ideas of different sexual things to try for some people as well.



> Before I get too long winded and break things down into specifics, I'll state that I think in general that many/most of porn's negative effects occur when it is done in isolation and apart from a connection with a consenting human partner. In other words, when someone is delving into it alone in the dark and separate from a partner, I think is when a lot of the negative manifestations occur.


Well if you believe that's, what's wrong with pornography. I think you should encourage people to enjoy it, in daylight or with the lights on. Also sometimes it's a good idea to enjoy it in isolation, I mean looking at that kind stuff in public can get someone into trouble.



> Conversely, I think if two people in a consensual manner explore it together without coercion, pressure or duress and it is something where their interests and what they find appealing and not appealing etc are shared and discussed, I think it can be of benefit to both their sexualities as individuals as well as their sexual dynamics a couple.


Plus it is perfectly fine for people to explore such things on their own as well.



> I think a parallel to other sexual accessories such as vibrators, dildos etc can be made. If someone is only using their vibrator in isolation and is using that at the exclusion of their partner, it will cause problems in the sexual dynamic of the couple. But if employed as an adjunct in the couple's sexual dynamic, it becomes another form of heightened arousal and stimulation and can enhance the experience for both.


If someone wants to use sex toys without their partner, they should feel free to do so. Just being in a sexual relationship with someone, whether married or not, does not entitle anyone to own their partners entire sexuality.



> Those are my general thoughts to get things started, but what are your thoughts? If you take a critical look what do you see as good and what do you see as bad? Breaking it down further, what situations and practices can make it a positive and what situations and practices do you see as making it bad and a detriment?
> 
> Be specific because I believe in all things the devil is in the details. What specifically can make it bad vs what specifically can make it positive?


Such things are very subjective.

For example here is one specific thing from my wife, on what makes pornography bad versus good. So for her she feels that all pornography with people in it who are aesthetically challenged is universally bad. Whereas she thinks some pornography with attractive people can be good or bad depending upon a parade of other factors.



> EDIT: Oh and also, for the purposes of the discussion, my intent is for couples in actual relationships/marriage. Not single people who are not in a current sexual relationship. I think that is fodder for another discussion. My question is how it relates to people in an established relationship/marriage.


My wife and I have been sharing sex together through 26 years and 2 months so far. We're fine with it (and even make some of our own), so for us it isn't a big deal. In the same way that we enjoy other art, literature and television, computer games, eeing live bands, visiting tourist spots and other such things, we find that pornography is simply just another form of entertainment.

At the end of the day, if someone thinks it's a problem they are far more likely to have a problem with it. For the rest who don't buy into that, they are more likely to find it isn't a problem.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Personal said:


> We have plenty of that in hardcover and softcover formats, filling a bookshelf in our marital bedroom.
> 
> Not forgetting all of the other pornographic drawings, paintings, and pornographic JPG, HEIC, TIFF, CR2, MP4 and MOV files we have. On top of our having access to various pornographic websites and social fora, through our various devices with World Wide Web access.
> 
> ...


I think something as prevalent as erotic imagery deserves a little more critical thought than a knee-jerk blanket statement that it is bad because some preacher said it was.
[/QUOTE]

There's already lots of that, yet it's not going to change the mind of people who are determined to believe it's bad.



Well bad pornography comes in all sorts of flavours Some of it is poorly rendered by pen, brush or camera. Some of it is really lame, some of it is really boring. Some of it shows terrible behaviour, some of it is ridiculous. Some of it isn't made ethically.



How long is a piece of string? There are so many things that need to come together well, to make pornography enjoyable for the consumer of it. Sometimes more lighting is better sometimes less lighting is better and so on etc.



Pornography is enjoyed by an enormous number of many more people, than those who fit your description above.



Of course it isn't, since that is reality. That said if some people believe otherwise, that's okay as well. Since it's not like it's a crime to be misinformed, ignorant or delusional, and nor should it be a crime.



Yep, it can be beneficial in helping to generate some sexual arousal. To show some people that they are not alone in their sexual proclivities. Likewise it can also offer some ideas of different sexual things to try for some people as well.



Well if you believe that's, what's wrong with pornography. I think you should encourage people to enjoy it, in daylight or with the lights on. Also sometimes it's a good idea to enjoy it in isolation, I mean looking at that kind stuff in public can get someone into trouble.



Plus it is perfectly fine for people to explore such things on their own as well.



If someone wants to use sex toys without their partner, they should feel free to do so. Just being in a sexual relationship with someone, whether married or not, does not entitle anyone to own their partners entire sexuality.



Such things are very subjective.

For example here is one specific thing from my wife on what makes pornography bad and versus good. So for her she feels that all pornography with people in it who are aesthetically challenged is universally bad. Whereas she thinks some pornography with attractive people can be good or bad depending upon a parade of other factors.



My wife and I have been sharing sex together through 26 years and 2 months so far. We're fine with it (and even make some of our own), so for us it isn't a big deal. In the same way that we enjoy other art, literature and television, computer games, eeing live bands, visiting tourist spots and other such things, we find that pornography is simply just another form of entertainment.

At the end of the day, if someone thinks it's a problem they are far more likely to have a problem with it. For the rest who don't buy into that, they are more likely to find it isn't a problem.
[/QUOTE]
I thought you were writing a book! But the format worked, was able to digest the segments ok. 👍


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## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

With all things in moderation - if a single man/single woman turn to porn to get themselves through the day then find, as long as it doesn't become an attachment to cause problems down the road. I will never ask my husband to watch porn with me basically because I know that this is a problem in my marriage. I try to teach the teenage boys in my life to do it appropriately. If this is how they prefer to explore to see what they like, to learn, so be it. But don't ever let it become first over your partner. My ex husband and I, when we were younger, tried to watch porn together, mainly because I was so emotionally distraught from losing my father that I just never wanted sex. I was emotionally detached. With this husband though - it's a negatory. I understand why God does not want us to have sex, or even view others outside of our marriage.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> We can only warn people, its up to them if they want to carry on. We can show them the countless studies done on the damage it does to peoples brains, lives and marriages, but it's up to them if they still want to carry on.
> 
> People will always make stupid decisions, that's life.
> 
> The answer isn't to lower our standards, it's to hope that others will raise theirs. If they don't then they have made their choice.


I believe in informed consent and being aware of the risks vs benefits. 

But there is a difference between informing of the risks vs preaching. Informing of risks vs benefits is providing information. Only ever mentioning the risks and downsides and using fear and shame is preaching and when people preach, it tends to go in one ear and out the other. 

Porn obviously has it's benefits because it is pretty much ubiquitous throughout all free nations. If it didn't have it's benefits, people wouldn't seek it and it wouldn't be a thing. 

So to only address it through fear and shame, only makes it that much more titillating and intriguing and exciting as a forbidden fruit.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Personal said:


> We have plenty of that in hardcover and softcover formats, filling a bookshelf in our marital bedroom.
> 
> Not forgetting all of the other pornographic drawings, paintings, and pornographic JPG, HEIC, TIFF, CR2, MP4 and MOV files we have. On top of our having access to various pornographic websites and social fora, through our various devices with World Wide Web access.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your well thought, detailed and balanced post!! Especially thank you for sharing your actual, real world experiences. 

I appreciate the discussion and insight.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> I believe in informed consent and being aware of the risks vs benefits.
> 
> But there is a difference between informing of the risks vs preaching. Informing of risks vs benefits is providing information. Only ever mentioning the risks and downsides and using fear and shame is preaching and when people preach, it tends to go in one ear and out the other.
> 
> ...


As I said people who have done the numerous studies can only warn as can those who have been well and truly burnt by getting into porn. What people do with the tons of information that is available is their choice. 
Call it what you will if it makes you feel better. It's like telling people that if they take illegal drugs their lives will be badly affected. Many choose to still take them despite the 'preaching', that's their call.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Wife n I have never used it. 

But that is probably just due to our life's circumstances. Our upbringing, how we met, where we lived. You and @Personal would both view our history as extremely boring, we were "Skip and Buffy" you mentioned elsewhere "meeting at the malt shop", while you and your wife were FB/FWB at your beginning. H3ll, we neither of us even knew what those abbreviations even meant until recently.

Apologies for that, but everyone is different. You two had a much wilder beginning and lifetime. Wife and I are fine with our lifetime together.

To each his or her or their own.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> You and @Personal would both view our history as extremely boring, we were "Skip and Buffy" you mentioned elsewhere "meeting at the malt shop", while you and your wife were FB/FWB at your beginning.


Actually I don't think your history with your wife is boring at all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> As I said people who have done the numerous studies can only warn as can those who have been well and truly burnt by getting into porn. What people do with the tons of information that is available is their choice.
> Call it what you will if it makes you feel better. It's like telling people that if they take illegal drugs their lives will be badly affected. Many choose to still take them despite the 'preaching', that's their call.


There are studies and testimony of the bad effects of porn. 

But there are also studies showing benefit, and there is testimony and anecdotes of millions upon millions of people that have seen porn and had not negative effects at all. 

So to only preach that it is bad, credibility is lost.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> There are studies and testimony of the bad effects of porn.
> 
> But there are also studies showing benefit, and there is testimony and anecdotes of millions upon millions of people that have seen porn and had not negative effects at all.
> 
> So to only preach that it is bad, credibility is lost.


I cant think of a single benefit, and of course it affects those who watch it. Hence the broken marriages, The hurting wives, the men who cant have normal sex any more, the boys whose mind are being skewed by what they see in porn. The only people who gain are those who make money out of it.

Everything in life that we see, watch and listen to affects us for good or bad.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Dang you!!!



ccpowerslave said:


> I have watched a lot of porn in my lifetime and my wife has watched some. She likes some of the classic porn moves and I’m glad she has watched some and same with myself. Her BJ skills have gone up by leaps and bounds in the last year and a half, I just told her what I wanted to do based on what looked amazing in porn and it was amazing IRL.
> 
> So it’s not all bad but generally I think if it’s used a replacement for in the flesh sex it’s not great and kind of sad.


Now I'm seriously wondering if my wife could learn something from porn. aaaahhhhhh!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> Wife n I have never used it.
> 
> But that is probably just due to our life's circumstances. Our upbringing, how we met, where we lived. You and @Personal would both view our history as extremely boring, we were "Skip and Buffy" you mentioned elsewhere "meeting at the malt shop", while you and your wife were FB/FWB at your beginning. H3ll, we neither of us even knew what those abbreviations even meant until recently.
> 
> ...


Nothing boring about that.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

We agreed to watch it twice a year. It had been never, then four times a year, now twice. A compromise. Sometimes, it fires up my wife. Depends on her mood. Gets me going. Gives us ideas of what to try in bed. Again, she agreed to this schedule cuz she knows I like it now and then. And she sometimes likes it, too. It's not for everyone. Works for us on limited basis.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

leftfield said:


> Dang you!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Now I'm seriously wondering if my wife could learn something from porn. aaaahhhhhh!


Probably. In my case I watched it then gave her detailed instructions based on what I saw. I don’t think she has watched any in a while but you never know.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> I cant think of a single benefit, and of course it affects those who watch it. Hence the broken marriages, The hurting wives, the men who cant have normal sex any more, the boys whose mind are being skewed by what they see in porn. The only people who gain are those who make money out of it.
> 
> Everything in life that we see, watch and listen to affects us for good or bad.


I'm guessing at least one benefit is that H going through a W generated month or two dry spell, the H may relieve himself rather than go outside the M.

Just thinking outside the box.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

one mans art is another mans porn ,
some people seem to have active minds and see porn in everything ,
some Religions see a woman's hair as something that only her husband can see , has to keep it covered or other men would have bad thoughts about her 


as Many here said there is good and bad ,
I think I am openminded but think a lot of porn is bad, 

a little might be ok but I have never looked at anything in bed ,I don't have the life style


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> a little might be ok but I have never looked at anything in bed ,I don't have the life style


Just out of my own curiosity, what do you mean by you don't have the life style?

I'm not questioning or disagreeing with anything you said, just wondering what you mean.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> Just out of my own curiosity, what do you mean by you don't have the life style?
> 
> I'm not questioning or disagreeing with anything you said, just wondering what you mean.


first we work 7 days a week when we come in we eat and relax with the kids , so when we go to bed we are tired can't give the night looking at tv in bed


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm guessing at least one benefit is that H going through a W generated month or two dry spell, the H may relieve himself rather than go outside the M.
> 
> Just thinking outside the box.


Correct. And get ideas for he and wife after the drought ends.


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## bob997 (5 mo ago)

I suppose porn in the marital bedroom is ok if you enjoy adultery- at least in a fantasy sense. Guys that encourage their wives to do this are called cuckholds.

Others may be happy to invite others into their marital bed but I never would- even if on-screen. You’ve got to be pretty desperate, bored, or addicted to porn to go there.

Of course, my wife is gorgeous, enthusiastic and in to me… I suppose if either of us were bored/ugly/weird- we might be willing to resort to desperate measures like this. I’d honestly have NO interest in staring at some bimbo on screen if my wife was naked next to me. I’d turn away from the screen to see, taste, touch, and smell HER.

Let’s be frank: guys like Chis Hemsworth probably don’t have to turn on a porno to get their wives rev’d up…

Guys that do this probably need to look inward. Are you a good husband and caring for your wife’s needs? Are you keeping yourself fit? Are you keeping yourself clean and attractive? Are you interesting and fun?

I imagine guys that resort to porn are older, overweight and also the type that treat their wives like crap all week and then take them home to the trailer park and turn on a porno to get them rev’d up… a great plan when she hates your guts. By all means guys like this SHOULD use the porn fantasy because the reality is- gross, old, fat, grumpy, weak, needy men are NOT sexually exciting- to anyone.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

bob997 said:


> I suppose porn in the marital bedroom is ok if you enjoy adultery- at least in a fantasy sense. Guys that encourage their wives to do this are called cuckholds.
> 
> Others may be happy to invite others into their marital bed but I never would- even if on-screen. You’ve got to be pretty desperate, bored, or addicted to porn to go there.
> 
> ...


Sheesh. ever hear of spicing things up? We are both fit, have been told “good looking” by others. Look younger than our years. And happily married. Twice a year, we watch sone porn to add something new. It’s like using a vibrator or whispering naughty fantasies about that couple we know at church. To each their own, the saying goes.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Sheesh. ever hear of spicing things up? We are both fit, have been told “good looking” by others. Look younger than our years. And happily married. Twice a year, we watch sone porn to add something new. It’s like using a vibrator or whispering naughty fantasies about that couple we know at church. To each their own, the saying goes.


I'm only surmising @bob997 there's a possibility he's been stuck in his trailer too long.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

bob997 said:


> I suppose porn in the marital bedroom is ok if you enjoy adultery- at least in a fantasy sense. Guys that encourage their wives to do this are called cuckholds.
> 
> Others may be happy to invite others into their marital bed but I never would- even if on-screen. You’ve got to be pretty desperate, bored, or addicted to porn to go there.
> 
> ...


Hey. I live in a trailer park and I can barely get my husband to shower because he works constantly and we DON'T watch porn in the bedroom. So take it back


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

bob997 said:


> I suppose porn in the marital bedroom is ok if you enjoy adultery- at least in a fantasy sense. Guys that encourage their wives to do this are called cuckholds.
> 
> Others may be happy to invite others into their marital bed but I never would- even if on-screen. You’ve got to be pretty desperate, bored, or addicted to porn to go there.
> 
> ...


Your imagination is far off the mark. 

On the very rare occasion we have watched an actual XXX porno together the watching stopped once we were engaged in sex. Then the focus is 100% on each other. The porno is nothing more than entertainment and one of many, many ways we get turned on for each other. Do you only have one way to get each other interested in sex?

Have you never watched an even slightly steamy movie or romantic movie with your wife and it lead both of you to the bedroom?

My wife isn't anti porn, but she isn't a fan either. She sees it as so fake that it doesn't do anything for her. However, she does like what would be considered softcore porn. Those at least attempt to have some kind of underlying story. Kind of like a sexy romance novel brought to the screen. We watched one of the 365 movies on Netflix this weekend (her idea) and it lead to us having sex on the couch. Does that make her the trailer park trash too?


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