# Birthday and porn



## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

Hi!

It was my husband bday last nite. He was traveling for business.
We had a short sex session via webcam in the am and it was fun.
Later that nite, he goes to dinner with males from office also traveling with him.
He calls me before getting to hotel, I was having a drink with my girlfriend and I said I'll text u before I go to sleep, thanks for calling.

I fell asleep and didn't text him. He didn't text to see what's up and confessed to looking at porn for an hour.

We have a no porn rule when we are together. But since he was traveling it was allowed. Should I be mad that he didn't check on me and watched porn instead? He wasn't mad that I didn't text him.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Bianca Stella said:


> Hi!
> 
> It was my husband bday last nite. He was traveling for business.
> We had a short sex session via webcam in the am and it was fun.
> ...


 So, on your husband's birthday, You're out drinking with a girlfriend on a girl's night out and you decline his call and say you'll text him later, then don't and you want to know if *YOU* should be upset.
If I was your hubby I'd extremely pissed on a few different levels.
One little piece of advice. When you are on a girls night out answer your husband's phone calls, unless you're predisposed with another man. Because when you don't that could likely be what your husband believes the reason to be.
In short NO you shouldn't be mad you should be apologetic.


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

you misunderstood. my friend was at the house w me. I did answer the phone when my h called, we talked for a bit and i said ill txt before i go to sleep.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Bianca Stella said:


> Hi!
> 
> It was my husband bday last nite. He was traveling for business.
> We had a short sex session via webcam in the am and it was fun.
> ...




You have no reason to be mad at him. Don't create drama and marital issues where none exist...


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Bianca Stella said:


> you misunderstood. my friend was at the house w me. I did answer the phone when my h called, we talked for a bit and i said ill txt before i go to sleep.


 OK, my bad. That makes things better but you still have no reason to be mad. If anyone should be mad it's him for you not talking to him on his birthday evening and forgetting to text, but small potatoes either way. Make it up to him when he gets home.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Bianca Stella said:
> 
> 
> > you misunderstood. my friend was at the house w me. I did answer the phone when my h called, we talked for a bit and i said ill txt before i go to sleep.
> ...


But she DID talk to him....


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

personofinterest said:


> But she DID talk to him....


But she didn’t text and instead fell asleep and left him waiting on his birthday.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Lord help....

Boy am I thankful hubby has never been on Reddit.....


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

meaning?


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> Lord help....
> 
> Boy am I thankful hubby has never been on Reddit.....


 meaning?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I don't think porn belongs in marriage period, but you have given him permission to watch it, so I won't factor the porn in as an "offense".

This situation isn't really a big deal, in my opinion. Your husband was probably hurt that you left him hanging, and sought out the porn to self-medicate and feel less alone. You have given him permission to look at it when you're not there, so he didn't violate your wishes or trust. But, if porn does bother you, then why not ask him to not look at it period? Would you be willing to record some videos of the two of you, so that he can look at the woman he loves, and not some random bimbo? I think that'd be a win-win.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Bianca Stella said:


> meaning?


Meaning hes not looking to not pick everything or start any sentence with "all women...." or, ahem, "go his own way" lol


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Bianca Stella said:


> Hi!
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Divorce is the only option I’m afraid 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Lord help....
> 
> Boy am I thankful hubby has never been on Reddit.....




How can you be sure? 
I’m pretty sure I gave him advice over there that’s why your marriage is so speckless 
(Ps: what is ‘reddit’?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> But she DID talk to him....


 Somehow I don't believe that you would accept "talked a little bit" on your birthday, and then being blown off when you were supposed to get a text on your birthday, from your so highly touted husband on your birthday.




> Meaning hes not looking to not pick everything or start any sentence with "all women...." or, ahem, "go his own way" lol


 I don't see ANYWHERE in this thread where either one of those was used. Now you've got to use a strawman to push your misandry? That's sad. You're really hung up on Reddit as well. Is that where you hone your misandry skills?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Bianca Stella said:


> We have a no porn rule when we are together. But since he was traveling it was allowed. Should I be mad that he didn't check on me and watched porn instead? He wasn't mad that I didn't text him.


It can be important in marriage to function independently without constant worrying or checking-in with one's spouse. 

There is an aspect to relationships called differentiation. This is where couples maintain independent personalities and are fully capable of functioning independently. However together they compliment each other and enjoy combining skills and talents in a way that together achieves more than what is possible alone. 

So if you and your husband enjoy time independently from one another without checking in or worrying, that is a good thing. The key thing is to ask if you enjoy sharing interesting stories and accomplishments together after the fact. Your husband did not hide his porn, and you likely had some fun stories to share from spending time with friends. Those things are what a healthy relationship is all about. 

In my opinion...

Regards,
Badsanta


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Bianca Stella said:


> .
> 
> We have a no porn rule when we are together. But since he was traveling it was allowed. Should I be mad that he didn't check on me and watched porn instead? He wasn't mad that I didn't text him.




Can I take a guess that you were the one who wanted the "no porn" rule?

NOTE: I am female and despise porn; so I'm just asking before I make any further remarks


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bianca Stella said:


> Hi!
> 
> It was my husband bday last nite. He was traveling for business.
> We had a short sex session via webcam in the am and it was fun.
> ...


I cant understand why you have one rule for home and one for away. If its wrong at home then its wrong anywhere. If you are not happy then discuss him stopping the porn, and after all you had already has a sex session that day so it wasn't as if he was sex starved.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, you shouldn't be mad at him because (a) he didn't check on you after you said you'd text him and didn't and (b) watched porn instead if that's okay when he travels. Let it go.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Lord help....
> ...


Yo crack me up


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

I find it odder that you have a no porn rule when you are together but it's allowed when you are apart.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Bianca Stella said:


> Hi!
> 
> It was my husband bday last nite. He was traveling for business.
> We had a short sex session via webcam in the am and it was fun.
> ...


He sounds like a teenager and you sound like his mother, giving him 'permission' to view porn while he's away. Ugh. I'll assume the "*WE *have a no porn rule" was likely suggested by you and he had no choice but to agree to it. 

I just couldn't imagine giving my husband 'permission' to look at porn. Jesus, he's a grown ass man capable of making his own decisions, for Pete's sake. And the truth is, just because women *tell* men not to look at it doesn't mean they don't. Some just use Incognito/Private browser windows to DO it, is all. Yup, they DO.

You *seriously* want to know if you should be 'mad' at him because _you_ didn't text him and instead of him jumping on his white steed and galloping through the night in a panic to come make sure you were still alive, he chose instead to look at porn?

I think the man has been emasculated enough without getting into further 'trouble' for misbehaving. Ugh.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm not giving a pass on this one. OP clearly demonstrated that her friends, her Alcohol, and her sleep, are more important to her than her Husband. He received that message, believed it and acted on it.

OP can be Mad all she wants, but this problem has more to do with her priorities than with his actions.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

In the future, I think instead of worrying about porn, if you are going to be apart on birthdays, make a PLAN for virtual together time. Focused phone or face time at an appointed time.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> I'm not giving a pass on this one. OP clearly demonstrated that her friends, her Alcohol, and her sleep, are more important to her than her Husband. He received that message, believed it and acted on it.
> 
> OP can be Mad all she wants, but this problem has more to do with her priorities than with his actions.


Yup!


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Mr. Nail View Post
> I'm not giving a pass on this one. OP clearly demonstrated that her friends, her Alcohol, and her sleep, are more important to her than her Husband. He received that message, believed it and acted on it.
> 
> ...


+1


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