# brother was/is on heroin/other pain killers



## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

So its been a long road, almost 2 full years of my brother lying and stealing from my parents for things to sell for money to support his drug addiction. He went into a detox place the week before Thanksgiving that only keeps patients for four to six days to clean them out. He is unemployed (laid off for the winter) and his girlfriend has a full-time job. Things have been okay. Okay is a stretch but things are a little better than before he did the detox in November. He has slipped up a few times since he has been out and we all know he is not following through with his program and not working as hard to be clean.

My parents are the ones taking the brunt of this. He has stolen from them numerous times. Most recently he sold my parents Wii game console, and a couple other items. 

We just can't trust him. He is my son's godfather and I know he loves him and likes to play with him and all. But I just can't have my brother babysit my son alone at my house or anything, because he will steal from us too. Also I can't allow that kind of reckless behavior and drug use around my kids.

My dad told me last night that he "couldn't believe he is telling his son this, but me and you mom might end up divorced." He said he can't take watching him do this to himself anymore. I was shocked, but honestly not surprised at the same time. My dad stretches himself too thin with his schedule. He burns it at both ends so to speak. Always running to coach this practice or this game, then to play in his own men's leagues, help anybody else out. He never, (well I can't say never) puts his wife and family first. I don't think that is accurate. I mean he provides very well for my mom and me and my wife and our kids as well as my brother. He is always there for games, graduations, events, weddings, anything really. What I mean is that when things get tough at home he usually goes about his schedule instead of cancelling things or resigning from some duties so that he can take care of things at home. The times when the family and my mother need it the most to be first, he puts his coaching and other activities first. That is wrong to me.

My mother has never complained while married to him (32 years by the way) about his coaching and playing. So I fault her with some of this. If coaching and playing bothered her, she should have spoke up. I told my wife to do the same for me, and she has. I play once a week currently and some seasons twice. I don't coach anymore because it was too much time away from the family. Dad is also at fault here too. He doesn't see the big picture that his marriage is an unhappy one. He should recognize this and cut back on things that he can cut back on. He should try to put his family first in-front of the local team he coaches IMO. She is upset he is always leaving the house to do something. She is left to deal with her drug addict son. He can't communicate with my brother because they argue. They get on him to find a job, quit the drugs. Just not a good relationship.

He thinks I'm a miracle worker with my brother because I'm older he thinks he'll listen to me. He texts me constantly during the day to call him or go see him, anything. I work full-time and have two kids at home with a wife that works the opposite schedule as me. I have my own life and problems, and kids, and busy schedules. 

Dad wants me to talk to him in person and let him know how much he is hurting everyone with his behavior and drug use. He wants my brother to go in to a rehab program and actually stay for a long time, something like a 30 day or longer whatever they offer. 

Can I tell my brother that if he doesn't leave to go in for treatment that dad is going to leave mom? Can I ask him to go into a rehab? Can I threaten that I will not let him see or play with my son until he goes in and gets clean and works hard at it? I want him to make us trust him again. 

I so badly want to smack him around and literally knock some sense into him and beat his a** and scare him into going in for rehab. 

I agree with love and support and all that, don't get me wrong. But how much are we supposed to take. I get so pissed at him. When he is around I can't even have normal conversations with him because all I'm thinking about is how to bring up the topic to him. He usually comes to see me to get out of the house with mom and dad, because they are riding him a lot. So he uses my place as a safe place to relax and maybe talk on occasion. But I want to just let him have it and ride him too.

So much of me says that we have to cut him loose and just kick him out.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Short and to the point. Stay out of your parents marriage. It is not healthy. 

As for your brother. No amount of threatening in any way will make him stop using. Until he is ready and wants to stop. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and energy.

Good luck


T
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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

You and your parents need to cut your brother out of your lives. Until your brother WANTS to stop, it won't matter what y'all want or threaten. I can guarantee you my H, the crack addict living on the streets, sterling from anyone and everyone, depending on his gullible mother for everything, could care less if his parents were divorcing... As a matter of fact it would work to his favor because mom has no one to protect her when I continue stealing out from under her nose. These kinds of addictions are dancing with the devil. They're not pretty at all and nothing matters to the user except money for the next high. I only experienced about 3 months of my husband using... It was enough. And I have heard the horror stories of his life and his using from him and his family. The only way you will get him to stop using is to cut him out of your life, that's a start to his bottom, but your parents do too... If your brother has no legitimate way to steal money (from your mom who won't turn him in to the cops)... Then he will turn to theft from retailers and he will eventually get caught and wind up in jail... If that happens enough times, he might just start to want to quit himself, like my husband has 4.5 years clean of crack cocaine).
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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

P.s. my husband used crack off and on since he was 16. He was 33 the last time he used. He has a brother in Houston who is still using crack cocaine. His mother is still supporting his habit. He is 34. His mother is single, she is widowed... No one is there to stop her son from continuing to use her, it is so very sad... We can't help, we are 12 hours away. Y'all need to protect your mom.... Keep her from helping your brother. Cut him off.
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