# Suspicious



## JB2015 (Aug 4, 2015)

Hello,

I have just found out that my wife (who I've been with for 10 years) has been exchanging messages with her manager at work which make me suspect she is having an affair or is at least thinking of having one.

To explain things in more detail, I went on her laptop to look something up and left open was her e-mail account with a message from the person I know is her boss. I knew they had exchanged messages, but I thought it was just about work, rather than anything else. The e-mail asked her "is your husbands suspicious of all these messages?", to which she had replied "I don't think so, yours?" and he had then replied saying his wife and family were all away somewhere.

Obviously this got me quite paranoid so I installed a tracker on her computer that takes screenshots. One night after I went to bed early feeling unwell, she stayed up for a couple of hours talking to him on Facebook. The conversation seemed to be mostly led by her manager, saying how hot she looks and lots of other inappropriate things. He directly asked her did she "like" him in that way, but unfortunately the screenshot timings meant I didn't see her reply. However, the inappropriate remarks continued in the conversation about touching her and how nice her rear end looked in her trousers etc. The worse thing is that my wife didn't say anything like "I'm not interested" but seemed to go along with it instead. I didn't see her write anything back like that at him, but she didn't seem to be discouraging it.

One screenshot shows that this conversation happened in a Private Window and another showed her deleting all her internet history. I used to have her Facebook password, but when I tried to log in to see if I could get the full conversation, it said it had been changed THAT DAY. There was also talk of instant messaging apps for their phones. Unfortunately I can only track her via the laptop, not the phone.

To top it off, she got back later from work last night than she normally would and has gone in earlier today than usual.
I feel like there are a lot of red flags with this and I feel absolutely tormented. We are both in our late 20s and live on our own, with no family and friends nearby. I feel like if there is something going on, then I must leave, but doing so is going to be impossibly hard!
Does anyone have any advice please?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*With just a one-sided copy of her bosses dialogue alone, you could certainly confront her! But that might be a tad too soon!

At this juncture, I would recommend that you procure a VAR and place it beneath her car seat to see if it reveals anything about her cell phone conversations with him! You might also start going through her cell phone and texting records to see how far back their communication activities have been going on and to what extent! Judging solely from his FB questioning dialogue of her, this could already possibly be something that has escalated from the EA to the PA level.

Once you have your evidence in hand, it would be time to confront her first. Then if there is only precursory rug sweeping on her part, then without ever telling her what your ultimate "game plan" is, take copies of everything that you do have to both her bosses wife, as well as to the company's HR department! HR, as a rule takes a rather dim view of that kind of fraternization going on within its ranks ~ it is not what would be deemed as a positive enhancement for company purposes and using company time wisely!

Sorry to see you here at TAM! But you have come to the best place for common sense advice from people who care about your plight!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Plenty of red flags here and what you need to do is go into stealth/surveillance mode. Keep shtum about what you are doing and don't act suspicious so as to not tip her off (else she will take this really underground).

Move this thread to CWI (Coping With Infidelity) where you will get even better advice and also read Weightlifter's Standard Evidence Thread which will give you more details on the VARs and other things.

You may have caught this before its gone physical so you need to act fast and nip it in the bud.

Pretty sure the VAR in the car (and possibly in the house) will give you something soon if anything is going on (and I must say, I am almost sure that something is going on).


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

see weightlifters thread about how to monitor. Do not confront until you have enough proof to know that she is 100% guilty or you know she is not guilty of PA (physical affair). This sounds bad, many red flags

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## JB2015 (Aug 4, 2015)

Thank you for your replies, they are really appreciated.

I've been re-reading the screenshots, trying to make sense of it all.

It seems that on the first day of messages, the conversation just starts of generally friendly and innocently, but then progresses into him starting to say inappropriate things about how he felt when she stood close to him and saying how good she looks. My wife just seems to play along with it. She doesn't say anything about liking him, but she certainly doesn't seem to be discouraging it. They talk about a prearranged trip out to the pub after work the following day and he jokingly asks her who he should proposition when drunk.

Then the next messages I have is from after she got back the next night from the pub. The very first one is about how he "still wants to hold her hand" and then he starts talking about directions to a viewing point near here. Then my wife scrolls back up the conversation to what have been during the day (and sent via her mobile phone). He asks her whether or not she "likes" him (unfortunately I didn't get her reply to this) and how he talks about how he can't lose his kids and possibly that his relationship with his wife is "tolerable". The messages then skip to present time where my wife says that she "isn't going to sleep tonight with all this buzzing around my head" and asks if he would sleep, to which he replies "I doubt it." My wife says something about him possibly wearing his heart on his sleeve and how it's a good quality and it to be better than not knowing.

At this point, part of me still thinks that she may have knocked him back.

However, he then goes onto say about seeing her the next day at work and how he will touch her "accidentally on purpose" and how they are both married, so nobody will suspect anything and goes on about where the CCTV is there and the blackspots (although he says this bit in a joking way). He then quite importantly asks if she is ok, to which she replies "yes, mostly, you?" and he replied "Good, we can both feel guilty and ****ty together then..." and then a subsequent message saying "don't worry, I will look after you x". He then goes on about how good her rear end looks in her uniform. She said "I can't look you in the eye when you've been saying all this" and then joking about their uniforms. They then say their goodbyes, wishing each other to sleep well and he said "thinking of you xxx" and she replied "I don't think I'm gonna sleep, but will try."

If she did knock him back, I can't see why he would still be making these remarks. Have I missed something?! He types in quite a joking way, so I keep wondering if I've misinterpreted it, but I just don't see how I could have?

Unfortunately there was no messages sent last night, but they may well be messaging through the phone instead.

I agree that holding back from confrontation is the best thing at this stage, but it's just making me go mad. I've had many doubts about whether I married the right person before, but I feel like I've always been trying to make the best of things. If I leave her, my whole life is going to be turned upside down.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

This type of conversation is so outside the realm of business code of conduct that they could both be under investigation at work, and both be at the very least reprimanded if you were to submit these screen shoots to HR...that said you might get more reaction if you sent it to his wife when you obtain more material, but i would see where they go after work seeing that he does not have to be home right away. I would also plant a VAR in her car to see if they are talking while they are driving home or to the office.


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## JB2015 (Aug 4, 2015)

Does anyone at all think I have misread it? I feel like I'm going mad!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

JB2015 said:


> Does anyone at all think I have misread it? I feel like I'm going mad!


No, you have not misread it. It sounds to me like it PROBABLY has not gone physical yet, but that this man is trying really, really hard to start an affair with your wife. Your wife sounds like she knows it's wrong, but is really enjoying the attention from him (or since he's her boss maybe she feels pressured?? Or both??)

Seems like he could probably get into big trouble for this. I personally think you have enough evidence to confront. In fact, I think I WOULD before she makes a terrible mistake and takes this relationship to the next level.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

AT the least it's inappropriate conversation between a manager and subordinate. It's probably a lot worse and no, you're not misreading it. But you want to be 100% sure. Make sure you are getting copies/screen shots and saving them but never tell her that you have them. Keep all evidence (these and whatever else you can get) close to the vest.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Find a way to contact his wife you can try the cheaper online version like spokeo or just hire a PI to get her cell number.
Do not confront...yet.
Or...
You CALMLY and cooly stop by the store and have a short conversation with him that you will go to hr and get him fired because he will get fired being the boss.
or...
Don't even talk to him and go straight to hr.
So many options.:smile2:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are not misreading this...me and Chris have been here for some time and see this kind of thing and we all want to deny the reality of it all....but it is happening!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You can take what you have and go find this guys wife and expose this right now.

Do not tell your wife, contact the other mans wife(OMW) and tell her you have evidence about her husband she needs to see.

This way the both of you can come up with a plan to nuke this affair...and the both of you can keep an eye on making sure this affair has stopped.

Telling the OMW is your best bet in stopping this in it's tracks...see the OM will be so worried about saving his own @ss he will no longer care about banging your wife.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Trust us her we have all been down this road and finding the OMW is the best course of action right now.

You have option #2 and that is to wait and Gather more intel and soon you will be reading text a lot more graphic then the ones you are reading now.

In my experience her I believe you just caught something that was just about to go physical....but what I mean is intercourse.....with this kind of thing the OM is really close to getting the big score.

You will know when he does score...you won't see your wife at all....at least she is still coming home.


So please find the OMW now and say nothing to your wife.
If you expose this now you might miss the" I love you but I'm not in love with you " speach.

If you wait to gather more evidence, her connection grows stronger with the OM.

Again, I can't stress this enough...DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR WIFE UNTIL YOU EXPOSE THESE TEXT TO THE OMW!!!!!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

When you do contact the OMW ask her if she can get the text cuz you can't see the response from your wife...just the responses from her husband.

You guys can also compare time line on when the Om was leaving work early and coming home late. The both of you might find that the OM and your wife may have spent the day together other then work.

Please spend the rest of today finding the OMW and making contact.

You know who the OM is so finding the wife should be easy.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> When you do contact the OMW ask her if she can get the text cuz you can't see the response from your wife...just the responses from her husband.
> 
> You guys can also compare time line on when the Om was leaving work early and coming home late. The both of you might find that the OM and your wife may have spent the day together other then work.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:
The sooner the better!
You will regret not doing this asap.


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## JB2015 (Aug 4, 2015)

Thanks again for all of your replies.

I feel that if my wife is being unfaithful, then that's it over as far as I'm concerned. I can't go on with her. 

I understand what you are saying about telling the OMW and reporting him to the company, but I feel this takes second place in priorities compared to dealing with my wife. Also, in one of the messages, he said that his wife and children are away the whole summer.

She should be putting a stop to him saying these things to her, not being "ok" with it, encouraging it or worse. 

I think at the moment, I am going to see if any messages are exchanged tonight and in the meantime, plan some sort of exit strategy.

If it does result in divorce, I just feel gutted that I've wasted so much time with her. I also feel like I can never trust anyone ever again! Can anyone ever be trusted that you meet in a relationship?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

tom67 said:


> Find a way to contact his wife you can try the cheaper online version like spokeo or just hire a PI to get her cell number.
> Do not confront...yet.
> Or...
> You CALMLY and cooly stop by the store and have a short conversation with him that you will go to hr and get him fired because he will get fired being the boss.
> ...


hey tom heard about the bad weather there.

Any way OP (original poster) has lots of options...but!


I think JB has the best chance to nuke this affair by contacting the OMW 1st.....see how the WW (wayward wife) responds to the exposure when her boss call her about what JP just did,then we can help him on the next step to take.

Lets not over whelm JP...lets get him through the most effective confrontation the will nuke the affair...then we can help him through the rest of this crap.

BTW JP...welcome to the club no one wants to join!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

JB I get what you are saying.
If more comes out tonight just print out divorce papers from your county or go to the court house and get them and leave them where she can see them.
A little shock and awe so to speak.
Either she will she will beg you crying with snot bubbles flowing or not then you have your answer.
No talk.
Leave papers.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

just a thought - don't get her fired if it would negatively impact your alimony


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OK JB here is what you need to do (you are not misreading this at all - in fact I think you have understood the situation very well):



I agree with those that say you need to act quickly because the [email protected] is pushing hard to get something going especially while his wife is away.


Your wife is definitely not shutting him down and this may be part liking the attention, part pressure from a boss and part just liking the excitement of illicit and strange. Which means she could succumb anytime now.


So to act quickly, do these things in parallel: VAR in the car immediately and for good measure, one in the house where she might call from when you are away; contact his wife even if she is away - email, Facebook, cellular phone - whatever; file for D and have the papers ready to show her; secure all existing evidence (because even now, you have plenty). Then expose - and you should then get some real juicy stuff on the VAR. Then come back here.


You do not appear to have kids and are quite young and only together for 10 years (probably married for less), so exposing at work would be more beneficial than not (if you know for sure that she has been cheating). Get the [email protected] fired if you can. And let his wife also deal with him and kill him on alimony etc. You might even get something from their company for enablement of alienation of affection.


Do not dilly dally with this - every passing minute and they get closer to doing the deed!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You can't effectively deal with your wife when a 3rd person is involved with the marriage. 

So by contacting the OMW you are taking the 1st step in getting rid of the infection.

If this is a deal breaker then don't contact the OMW let this affair grow and continue to gather the evidence and then you can confront your wife with all the dirt and divorce her and if she is worred about losing the Om and her job she will let you have what ever you want out of the divorce so that the dirt you have gathered goes away.

At least do what you can to find out what your wife is texting and responding to before you confront.

Can you get a chance to get her phone?

Maybe Gus can help you get the full text? He's pretty good with that kind of thing.

I have a feeling you really need to know how your wife is responding to these text so hold off before confronting and lets see if we can help get that info before you pull the trigger.


I'm guessing you will have her served at work? Can't imagine a better place.

If you do have her served I wouldn't tell her...she has kept you in the dark ....it might be time to keep her in the dark. I say blindside her with the divorce.(it worked for Shamwow)

I still think you can save this.

What ever you decide just take the time to make sure you are making the right choice for you.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

My only worry is that by acting fast you may be able to stop it from going physical which gives you the option to shock her out of this cheating daze she is in.

I think you know she is not shutting it down so that is bad enough. What you need to know maybe, is whether she is encouraging it and engaging in it or not. That could mean the difference between R and D. However if you think you have enough to at least bust up the blossoming affair then maybe you need to act quickly.


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## JB2015 (Aug 4, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> My only worry is that by acting fast you may be able to stop it from going physical which gives you the option to shock her out of this cheating daze she is in.
> 
> I think you know she is not shutting it down so that is bad enough. What you need to know maybe, is whether she is encouraging it and engaging in it or not. That could mean the difference between R and D. However if you think you have enough to at least bust up the blossoming affair then maybe you need to act quickly.


The way I see it is that if she is going to cheat on me, then I may as well let her, because if I do something to stop it, then I would be living in fear for ever that it could happen again with someone else. I feel like if she is planning to cheat or is cheating, then the trust has gone and I'd rather be out of it.

My escape plan was to go and rent somewhere. I am in the UK by the way. I earn enough to rent somewhere on my own, however I have just realised that I would technically be liable to pay the mortgage (and probably the other bills) on our marital home. If this is the case, then I can't afford both. Does anyone know anything about this sort of problem?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Which is another reason why you stay in the house and don't move out. She is cheating - she moves out.

I understand your viewpoint in which case you go super-stealth on her and get more evidence as to exactly what is being said by both.

And then get ready for a well planned confrontation for maximum impact.

Roughly where in the UK ?


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## JB2015 (Aug 4, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> Which is another reason why you stay in the house and don't move out. She is cheating - she moves out.
> 
> I understand your viewpoint in which case you go super-stealth on her and get more evidence as to exactly what is being said by both.
> 
> ...


I've always imagined it being me that would leave the house rather than her. I feel like I am more capable of driving away from the house and leaving it to her rather than throwing her out and hearing her crying outside. Not that she deserves anything less mind. She did pay for our deposit, but the house in both of our names and we are married, so I don't know if there's any legal worries.

I'm in the South-East.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Since this is the case then save your money on the rental and spend it on a lawyer and know your options. A solicitor is your best bet in making an exit plan. 

I know MattMatt is from the UK you might want to PM him.

One thing is known world wide...in that leaving the marital home is a bad idea until you have a legal agreement. How ever you could take a "holiday" !

You can tell your wife you need to go out of town for work and then plant all kinds of recorder and cameras around the house.



I still think you need to find out what is on the other end of all this texting.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

JB2015 said:


> The way I see it is that if she is going to cheat on me, then I may as well let her, because if I do something to stop it, then I would be living in fear for ever that it could happen again with someone else. I feel like if she is planning to cheat or is cheating, then the trust has gone and I'd rather be out of it.
> 
> My escape plan was to go and rent somewhere. I am in the UK by the way. I earn enough to rent somewhere on my own, however I have just realised that I would technically be liable to pay the mortgage (and probably the other bills) on our marital home. If this is the case, then I can't afford both. Does anyone know anything about this sort of problem?


One thing to keep in mind is that she seems to be in the flirting stage right now. And that flirting stage is EXTREMELY powerful, psychologically. It becomes all you can think about, even though you know it's wrong. Think back to when you two were flirting with each other. You get a high from it, right? Well, right now she's getting a high from being pursued. If she hasn't gone further, you have a chance to stop it AND let her see how close she got to succumbing to the ego stroking the flirting was giving her. We're all susceptible to it, to an extent. 

If I was in her position and I truly didn't want to cheat, never intended to cheat, and really loved my husband, I would want my husband to sit me down and say 'look, I know what's going on and I know it feels good, but I want you to think about what you're doing. Cos I'm not going to just sit here and watch you cheat on me. Think long and hard about your next step, because it will determine whether we stay married.'


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

JB2015 said:


> They talk about a prearranged trip out to the pub after work the following day and he jokingly asks her who he should proposition when drunk.
> 
> The very first one is about how he "still wants to hold her hand"...
> 
> ...


You have all of this on screen shots?

You have:

a - Your smoking gun.
b - All the cards.

Send these screenshots to him with no cover letter or return address. He will know who they are from, obviously. And he will FREAK!!!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

He will freak even more if OMW confronts him with these snapshots!

Plus the OM and the WW will lose any opportunity to do any damage control.

At any rate you now have a chance to get a few steps ahead of your wife with the info you now have ...it's just of matter of making a choice on the option/direction you take.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Don't forget no threats or any violence like here in the states you are a guy and you will get screwed.
Carry a var on you from now on.
Also get some legal advice.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Sorry to hear that JB - I'm in the South East too (Surrey/Hampshire border).

You don't want to be the one being seen to "abandon" the home and family - go and see a solicitor specialising in divorce asap - many here.

It sounds like it hasn't gone physical yet but might be about to. Its easier if you shed light on that which is in the dark at the moment. Affairs crumble in the light of exposure. 

And why not have her crying outside - she needs to feel some of the real pain that she has brought upon herself.

But first things first - get some more evidence - do you think a VAR in her car and your home might catch her saying something that would incriminate her ? Also do you have access to her phone, messaging apps, email etc ?

Take care and let me know if there is any way I can help here - you can always private message me. MattMatt is up in the midlands too.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

JB2015 said:


> The way I see it is that if she is going to cheat on me, then I may as well let her, because if I do something to stop it, then I would be living in fear for ever that it could happen again with someone else. I feel like if she is planning to cheat or is cheating, then the trust has gone and I'd rather be out of it.


I've read your posts twice and I think that it is very possible that they have already slept together. When he stated that he would still like to hold hands with her, he may have said that to mean that he doesn't only want a one-time fling. 

In any case, you have enough evidence to contact the OM's wife without feeling hesitating. If you hope for a chance to later reconcile, you must nuke his life by contacting his wife.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Please read Zack-00 thread. I will not repreat myself on this thread.

Regardless of the outcome of your marriage you need her to help you understand what you need to learn and change about being in a good marriage. Does she see you as being unavailable, doesn't understand her? For you this is the hardest thing to archive. Why? Because there are hundreds of valid reasons to end a marriage but none to cheat or break boundaries like she is doing. Her Actioms are her issues not yours. Your issue is improving your ability to be a better spouse !! Let her do the hard work to make you a better husband for your next wife (and no not younger and hotter.) Do not let her actions become your fault. 

Second the OM, he is using the work place as a hunting ground, today, tomorrow next week you must stop his bullsht ! No one gets a cheat thrill of self validation on my dime or your's 

In conclusion be a good guy, not a nice guy. Learn the difference and your life will be richer. PS this how a true alpha behaves.


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

So sorry you are dealing with this. If it were me I would slow down, take some more time and gather more evidence. It's already been said, but put a VAR in her car and continue with the screenshots. It shouldn't take more than a week to get the whole picture ..... and one that cannot be debated. (like are they sleeping together?) Get the whole picture before you let her know that you are on to her.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Save everything offsite and in two places.


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## JB2015 (Aug 4, 2015)

Hello,

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

I actually have quite an update for you.

Last night, she came home late again, saying she had extra work to do and how she would have to go in today as well (Wed) to finish. On top of this, I notice she kept her phone on her person at all times.

This morning, she had a bath and I noticed the phone wasn't with her, but I couldn't find it anywhere, until I found it hidden in the bottom of one of her drawers.

I took a gamble and quickly took it and went out. There was literally dozens and dozens of messages that were between them on the phone, but despite being deleted (so I couldn't read them), they were still logged.

I came home and asked her about them and despite her pleading innocence, after quite some interrogation, she confessed that she wasn't happy in our marriage and wanted someone to make her feel wanted. She told me that he had tried to kiss her, but she had pulled away, but they had held hands. 

I then as calmly as I could packed my bags and told her it was over.

I'm writing this from my car. I am going to book a hotel for tonight and then work out a plan of action.

Thanks for all of your help on here, all of you. I really appreciate it.

My head is in such a mess. I feel in disbelief. One minute I feel quite calm, then the next I feel like bursting into tears.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You know you can't trust her. She's telling you who she is, a woman that can be played by a dirt bag.

What was her reaction?

Notify their employer what an a$$hole her boss is.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Okay JB - stay calm and take a deep breath first.

What exactly did she confess and did you record it on your VAR, phone anything ?

How long did she say this has been going on ?

You do realise that she is making stuff up to justify her bad behaviour. Has she ever mentioned before that you did not make her feel wanted/desired etc ?

Also hopefully you realise that she is lying about the extent of what has gone on - there is a very strong chance that they have already had sex (park, back of his car, back of her car, in the office somewhere etc)

Why did you leave the home ? Why didn't you ask her to leave and go stay with this fvcker ?

What was her reaction to your leaving ? What did she say she wants to do ? Divorce ? Reconcile ? 

Did she show any signs of true remorse for the pain she has caused you (as opposed to being sorry she was caught) ?

What do you want to do next ?

Come on man, now is the time to use the collective wisdom and advice of this forum to your advantage - you will get some good advice now and it is important to follow what you need to do next.

PM me if you need more support.

Also what type of organisation do they work for - govt/public sector, private, hotel, IT, council, stores, insurance, bank - what ? And what is her job there ? We need to assess the impact of exposing them both at her place of work and also the chance of getting some money out of them for you.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Also you really should have this thread to the Coping With Infidelity section - many more people will weigh in with their advice and comments etc. Ask a moderator to do this for you.


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

I have just a read through this and unfortunately the govt will only class it as adultery if sex is involved.

Sorry you are dealing with this JB.

Did your wife express any desire to fix your marriage?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Take some time. You don't know what you'll do yet. If you really love her and want her, this is not insurmountable, if all they've done is kiss. Don't make any decisions in the heat of emotions.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

A ig factor to consider is whether or not your sex life with your wife has changed. It it changed how long ago?

Generally that can be a big indicator whether it changed for less more or just different.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Also, does she have new underwear you havent seen her wear around you or changed personal grooming habits?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Are you going to tell the OMW?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

JB any updates mate ? What's going on there ?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

JB2015 said:


> I came home and asked her about them and despite her pleading innocence, after quite some interrogation, she confessed that she wasn't happy in our marriage and wanted someone to make her feel wanted. She told me that he had tried to kiss her, but she had pulled away, but they had held hands.


Please don't tell me you believe a word of that. 

This is going exactly by the cheater script.

Oh, and BTW, you confronted too soon. That's why she was able to lie the way she did. You have to gather your evidence first before the confrontation.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If she contacts you and wants to patch things up, then let her know that before anything like that can take place that she needs to take a polygraph. Also the OW needs to be told and she finds another job. Any type of hesitation should let you know that she's not being honest with you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Seriously. You have all the power here now. Either she does those things or you see her in divorce court.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

JB2015 said:


> I came home and asked her about them and despite her pleading innocence, after quite some interrogation, she confessed that she wasn't happy in our marriage and wanted someone to make her feel wanted. She told me that he had tried to kiss her, but she had pulled away, but they had held hands.


Woman here. Your wife is in a full blown affair. For a married woman and only holding hands? Get over it. She is having an affair. You need to contact the OMW. See a divorce lawyer to protect your assests. Until she tells you the truth and owe up to her infedility, will you need to see a counselor. Even then as you are in your late 20s, the likelihood of a serial cheater is likely to happen. You are young and can still find a loyal spouse. Your choice in life...


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I would go straight to hr, tell them that if this continues you will file suit, and expose him to his family, hopefully hr talks him into turning in his resignation, and he considers ending the affair before his kids catch wind of it.

While you are talking to hr, see what kind of marriage Counciling services they will provide you.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

JB I'll ask this again - are you okay mate ? Give us a sign!


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## JB2015 (Aug 4, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> JB I'll ask this again - are you okay mate ? Give us a sign!


Thanks for the concern!

I am doing ok. Just adjusting to the single life!

My wife insists that she wasn't having an affair. She said she was unhappy in our marriage, felt lonely and wanted someone to talk to. Apparently he always says things like that "as a joke", but I just don't trust her anymore.

Thanks for all of the help you have all given me. I really appreciate it.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So why did you move out of the house ? Since she was playing away, why didn't she move out ?

I know you will say that she insists it wasn't an affair, but even from the little that you do know, she has to admit to an emotional affair at the very least. So she should have moved out.

What are your plans going forward ? Its a pity that you couldn't have got more conclusive evidence but what you do have is still pretty damning.


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