# she “tricked” me into marrying Her?



## SumGuy (Dec 30, 2017)

Hurra said:


> I'm in the exact same situation. Bjs before marriage but became non existant after marriage. I don't beg though. I have asked 2-3 times in the past year but she refuses. Last one I got was maybe 2007.
> 
> Don't do housework and expect or ask for a bj in return. Doesn't work that way. She should show initiative and do it anyway if she wants to make you feel good. I do my share and then some of housework but expect nothing and get nothing.
> 
> ...


’s right, I more foot rubs. I’ve even started masturbating more, even though my wife is the one wanting sex all the time, if we can’t have it the way we used to...the way she “tricked” me into marrying Her? Then not at all. If she cheats, I’ve told her I will match her and do the same. Men need to stop being cowards to women, and stop putting up with their ****. All these women out there writing articles telling men, that the “price” for getting a BJ (now that your married) is to wash the dishes, spend money and take her out, rub this, rub that, jump through hoops and work your ass off, and then she “just might” pay you back with a BJ. IT NEVER WORKS MEN! THEY GET FREE LABOUR AND THEIR FEELINGS TAKEN CARE OF, BUT LEAD YOU ON. Men, it’s time we start making women work real hard for simple things that they want to. It’s a world of equality right? Does it sound very equal, that you have to work your ass off to get somethings that they did in spades before marrriage? Does your wife d9 all this work for you to get the things that you do for her? I didn’t think so. Treat them like they treat you, and get your power back. If all else fails, there are plenty of women who will do it for you out there. Give em some cash (not even that much) and they will even swallow. You gotta do something if she won’t right?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Wow. So much anger and rage. So much hatred. 

Unless you can forgive her and drop all the anger there is no hope for any kind of reconciliation to this marriage. 

The posts read like someone in a power struggle demanding that their partner totally surrender. 

How truly sad.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Well, maybe.....

Maybe if you washed the damn thing she might change her mind.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

SumGuy said:


> ’s right, I more foot rubs. I’ve even started masturbating more, even though my wife is the one wanting sex all the time, if we can’t have it the way we used to...the way she “tricked” me into marrying Her? Then not at all. If she cheats, I’ve told her I will match her and do the same. Men need to stop being cowards to women, and stop putting up with their ****. All these women out there writing articles telling men, that the “price” for getting a BJ (now that your married) is to wash the dishes, spend money and take her out, rub this, rub that, jump through hoops and work your ass off, and then she “just might” pay you back with a BJ. IT NEVER WORKS MEN! THEY GET FREE LABOUR AND THEIR FEELINGS TAKEN CARE OF, BUT LEAD YOU ON. Men, it’s time we start making women work real hard for simple things that they want to. It’s a world of equality right? Does it sound very equal, that you have to work your ass off to get somethings that they did in spades before marrriage? Does your wife d9 all this work for you to get the things that you do for her? I didn’t think so. Treat them like they treat you, and get your power back. If all else fails, there are plenty of women who will do it for you out there. Give em some cash (not even that much) and they will even swallow. You gotta do something if she won’t right?




- Yes, there are many women out there that use their hotness and sex to get us guys to do more chores, go out more, buy them things, etc. Those women are users.

- But there are many women out there who just want a good man, married, spend their life together, house, option for kids, traveling together, companionship, etc.

- If your woman has a high sex drive, never deny her. Find out what she likes and what she's open to trying and do it. She will be open to trying things you want to do. It goes both ways.

- Now if some ladies won't try things their men want to do, but still expect their men to do things they like, not happening. Marriage is about taking care of each other needs as your own equally 50 / 50.

- This is basically 2018 and women are equals in everything and have been for a long while, so that old argument doesn't wash anymore.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SumGuy said:


> ’s right, I more foot rubs. I’ve even started masturbating more, even though my wife is the one wanting sex all the time, if we can’t have it the way we used to...the way she “tricked” me into marrying Her? Then not at all. If she cheats, I’ve told her I will match her and do the same. Men need to stop being cowards to women, and stop putting up with their ****. All these women out there writing articles telling men, that the “price” for getting a BJ (now that your married) is to wash the dishes, spend money and take her out, rub this, rub that, jump through hoops and work your ass off, and then she “just might” pay you back with a BJ. IT NEVER WORKS MEN! THEY GET FREE LABOUR AND THEIR FEELINGS TAKEN CARE OF, BUT LEAD YOU ON. Men, it’s time we start making women work real hard for simple things that they want to. It’s a world of equality right? Does it sound very equal, that you have to work your ass off to get somethings that they did in spades before marrriage? Does your wife d9 all this work for you to get the things that you do for her? I didn’t think so. Treat them like they treat you, and get your power back. If all else fails, there are plenty of women who will do it for you out there. Give em some cash (not even that much) and they will even swallow. You gotta do something if she won’t right?


What a terrible attitude you have, and what a miserable marriage you must have. What a low sense of morality and faithfulness you have. No wonder the marriage is in a mess. Your attitude is so immature.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Wow. That's a lot of bitterness. I can't see how you or your wife could ever be happy with an attitude like that. You need some help.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

SumGuy said:


> ’s right, I more foot rubs. I’ve even started masturbating more, even though my wife is the one wanting sex all the time, if we can’t have it the way we used to...the way she “tricked” me into marrying Her? Then not at all. If she cheats, I’ve told her I will match her and do the same. Men need to stop being cowards to women, and stop putting up with their ****.* All these women out there writing articles telling men, that the “price” for getting a BJ (now that your married) is to wash the dishes, spend money and take her out, rub this, rub that, jump through hoops and work your ass off, and then she “just might” pay you back with a BJ. IT NEVER WORKS MEN! THEY GET FREE LABOUR AND THEIR FEELINGS TAKEN CARE OF, BUT LEAD YOU ON.* Men, it’s time we start making women work real hard for simple things that they want to. It’s a world of equality right? Does it sound very equal, that you have to work your ass off to get somethings that they did in spades before marrriage? Does your wife d9 all this work for you to get the things that you do for her? I didn’t think so. Treat them like they treat you, and get your power back. If all else fails, there are plenty of women who will do it for you out there. Give em some cash (not even that much) and they will even swallow. You gotta do something if she won’t right?


Just having a little New Years giggle reading this (a very hung over giggle)

For NYE we had a party for two, got rid of all the kids and knocked back all invitations to parties. He cooked a beautiful dinner, did the dishes as well, spent money of exy champagne. We danced for hours then had monkey sex where I blew him till completion. I don't know, it works for us, if it ain't happening for you look inward.


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

In my marriage, and I am a woman, because I love my husband I give him without expecting anything in return. It’s not a me versus my wife contest. It’s sad to these sort of sexist posts on TAM.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> What a terrible attitude you have, and what a miserable marriage you must have. What a low sense of morality and faithfulness you have. No wonder the marriage is in a mess. Your attitude is so immature.


Diana7,

I agree this guy's attitude sucks. But, I understand it even though I never adopted it myself.

My XW promised good sex (including oral) when she proposed; I had maybe 2 minutes worth in 16 years of marriage. the sex we did have was bland. I got the same deal - "well, maybe if you <fill in the blank> I would be more into it". I pressed and the truth came out that she wanted a good guy with a future to provide security. She knew I would refuse to marry her if she was honest about her sexual attraction (or lack thereof) to me, so she flat out lied.

If you haven't been a guy on the receiving end of this treatment, please don't judge those that have been. We don't have enough information to make any judgments; we could easily say the same things about his wife: "what a terrible attitude she has that she can't take five minutes for a BJ". Shaming him accomplishes nothing, and we're here to help (ostensibly).

To the OP,

Having been there, I can tell you that your wife is probably as bothered as you are about this. I'm going to guess that she knows perfectly well you are unhappy with your sex life. You've probably complained strongly about your sex life, told her you feel cheated, accused her of using you, and/or started to do less for her and create distance.

If so, she probably feels justified in refusing you and resents having to choose between doing something she dislikes or experiencing a negative consequence. There isn't enough information here to understand why she refuses. But it's clear that whatever happened or was said in the past doesn't matter now. 

You are correct in that men don't have to tolerate a poor love life. But the way you seem to be asserting yourself is wrong. It is far better to calmly but firmly say "wife, this is not the marriage I signed up for; we either need to get on the same page with professional help, or go our separate ways" and then let her actions guide yours. I learned the hard way that dealing with this out of spite or vengeance does nothing but cause your spouse to dig in her heels.

At this point you have a choice to make. If your priority is preserving the marriage, then you need to accept your wife is not the sexual person you thought and serve her well regardless. Just existing together and doing your own thing may not work. While you might feel better by keeping busy, it's likely her resentment will grow and she'll leave when that resentment outweighs whatever is keeping her around (maybe she wants to stick it out for any kids you have, doesn't want the diminished lifestyle, hopes you'll come around and the sex won't matter eventually).

If having a satisfying sex life is a priority, or if you don't think you can meet her expectations while not getting yours met, do yourselves both a favor and get a divorce. If you're a decent, reasonably together guy, you'll find someone who will happily meet your need. As an example, my GF and I (dating over a year) only see each other every other week, yet I get more and much better sex than I did from my ex, who was under the same roof 365 days a year).

Best of luck to you.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

And FYI, if your wife works, housework is no longer HER job. If men want women carrying some of the financial load, they lose all right to consider housework “women’s work”. And also, FYI, when you do said housework, you aren’t “helping” her; you are doing what needs to be done. She doesn’t owe you jack**** when you do the dishes.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

They get free labor??? How about you act like an adult and do your share? You probably got the bj's during courtship because she was not cleaning up after your @ss and being treated like a servant.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

As soon as marriage and sex becomes something of a commodity exchange there is something desperately wrong. If I thought my husband was doing something for me just to get something in return, I would rather not bother. This is why I never get the correlation between doing household chores and sex. My spouse helping around the house is thoughtful and sometimes plain necessary but its definitely not sexy. 

I think if someone is a user that is because they have been given the green light to use. People will only use another person if they are persistently allowed to get away with it. Sometimes we have to look at ourselves and our own boundaries before pointing the finger at the person we are supposed to love.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

peacem said:


> As soon as marriage and sex becomes something of a commodity exchange there is something desperately wrong. If I thought my husband was doing something for me just to get something in return, I would rather not bother. This is why I never get the correlation between doing household chores and sex. My spouse helping around the house is thoughtful and sometimes plain necessary but its definitely not sexy.
> 
> I think if someone is a user that is because they have been given the green light to use. People will only use another person if they are persistently allowed to get away with it. Sometimes we have to look at ourselves and our own boundaries before pointing the finger at the person we are supposed to love.



Spot on. Doing something for someone just to get something in return is manipulative. 

I think when men like the OP read articles that claim “If you sit on the couch and watch tv/porn while your wife does all the housework, she is going to be too tired and resentful for sex.”, they tend to interpret it as “if you do the dishes, that ***** owes you a bj.”

Dude, women aren’t vending machines. You don’t get to plug in just the right amount of human decency and expect sex to pop out.


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## sunchild15 (Jul 4, 2016)

I think there is lots of programming (external media/ stories ) that have influenced people to be in this control struggle of what can someone do for me..or perhaps ..the I don't owe you anything and I'm independent ..there are also many people who FEEL entitlement ...wives may be like hey just cause we are married your not entitled to anything..Men are supposed to create magic and make things happen for the family especially after kids come..there seems to be this ..I am taking care of the kids and so therefore you need to go make it happen..

As far as cleaning dishes . Trash ..errands ..and doing things for your wife. None of that ever got me sex..my wife has never even been thankful of m doing that because she feels it's something that is a responsibility that needs to get done anyways ....

Sometimes people get influenced by their own avoiding doing things for their partner because there are underlying control issues..

I do think someone women feel of they just are open and give a man what he wants ...then they don't get what they want...it may not be I intentionally however I do think that goes on...

I wish everyone came from Love and oneness and was in touch with why love..sex and intimacy can help fuel a relationship or goals in life...sexual energy has been known to create many things in life that are successful ...great women have inspired men..and vice versa....

Perhaps the media paints if u don't have to work..get unlimited money and also get all the toys from your man..then u can be open , sexual and fun....

Perhaps even though many say that's not the case they see it all of the time and subsconciously it can impact people...

My news years ..we had a family gathering watched movie with family and daughter..I gave my wife a kiss and we went to sleep ...

My wife is having issues with hitting menstruation and doesn't seem to have much energy...lately I feel lots of pressure and burden of being the only in one earner and having a sexless marriage ..so my wife feels she is not entitled to do anything if she doesn't feel like it ..

Yet I have heard..from her ...if I give you what you want ...just because want it..that is like me selling my soul and I feel there are some underlying resentment issues around energy she has put out ..work she has done..because I think she feels entitled ..she seems to be in this weird pattern that she has done enough..doesn't have energy and focuses on all the things that I should create for the family..

I tend to be the started and driver to most things we do...but again I also take care of daughter run errands and do all of that..in amazing shape..I'm a great guy lots of friends and make **** happen....


For u I would suggest reading "no more Mr nice guy" ...I have been going through this again...also I have stopped going out of my way to kiss ass and please wife because I am a gift to..I am valuable ...I used to pretend .. that all was great when we had sex ...2 times per year ...

Lately I'm waking up to reality because the data is there and I think I've been positive for years yet that has not worked. . . . 

Right now I'm deeply looking in the mirror..reading that book and others..spending more time doing what makes me happy and things are going to have to change .. I am the one that has not stated boundaries ..been direct with my needs . Hoping of I did more she would do something ...that's in NMMNG..I also have not been honest with embracing my sexuality and needs instead of hoping if I do 100 things for her maybe she would do me..lol...

It's tough..takes work and I have a feeling it may have to get worse before it gets better ..I feel I already seem to be driving everything and all the change and retraining myself and relationship is going to take energy ....


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

peacem said:


> As soon as marriage and sex becomes something of a commodity exchange there is something desperately wrong. If I thought my husband was doing something for me just to get something in return, I would rather not bother. This is why I never get the correlation between doing household chores and sex. My spouse helping around the house is thoughtful and sometimes plain necessary but its definitely not sexy.
> 
> I think if someone is a user that is because they have been given the green light to use. People will only use another person if they are persistently allowed to get away with it. Sometimes we have to look at ourselves and our own boundaries before pointing the finger at the person we are supposed to love.


Thank you. Very well said. You have just explained what Glover in his book NMMNG calls a covert contract, better than I ever could have and why cover contracts don't work.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MidnightBlue said:


> And FYI, if your wife works, housework is no longer HER job. If men want women carrying some of the financial load, they lose all right to consider housework “women’s work”. And also, FYI, when you do said housework, you aren’t “helping” her; you are doing what needs to be done. She doesn’t owe you jack**** when you do the dishes.


Um, everyones marriage is different. Honestly you don't sound much different then the OP. It's still about I do this so you have to do this. 

Marriage works better when it is seen as a team with long term goals and planning, where you use each others strengths to achieve those goals. Yes that includes housework but that is besides the point. The point is teamwork. Less "I did this so you have to do this" and more "here let me help you." 

Emotional and sexual intimacy should work the same way in my mind. It's a lot easier to do if you treat it like I am saying though.


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## Where there's a will (Feb 10, 2014)

I totally see where this guy is coming from. He is justifiably angry and I am sad to say that there are many marriages where love has broken down and communication is clear but the goalposts have moved. I cant offer any solutions but to acknowledge and sympathise with the place he finds himself in, injustice if perceived eats away at you every minute of the day and does make anger. This forum is full of those for those who find themselves serving time that they dont deserve, the real victims of which are children. 
Having said the above you have to find a way to dissipate the anger, sounding off on here is a good start so long as more fortunate people on here dont keep going about the anger. Thats not helping. Some of us know exactly how you feel mate but are still in love, and you know that its the love that hurts every minute of every day.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Um, everyones marriage is different. Honestly you don't sound much different then the OP. It's still about I do this so you have to do this.
> 
> Marriage works better when it is seen as a team with long term goals and planning, where you use each others strengths to achieve those goals. Yes that includes housework but that is besides the point. The point is teamwork. Less "I did this so you have to do this" and more "here let me help you."
> 
> Emotional and sexual intimacy should work the same way in my mind. It's a lot easier to do if you treat it like I am saying though.


No, OP’s point is if you treat women well, they owe you. He used doing dishes as an example of doing a favor for women and being being butthurt that they don’t immediately drop to their knees and fellate him in gratitude. 

My point is, stuff needs to be done. Do it. You aren’t owed sex for doing it. The whole “I treated her like a human being so she owes me” is crap.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MidnightBlue said:


> No, OP’s point is if you treat women well, they owe you. He used doing dishes as an example of doing a favor for women and being being butthurt that they don’t immediately drop to their knees and fellate him in gratitude.
> 
> My point is, stuff needs to be done. Do it. You aren’t owed sex for doing it. The whole “I treated her like a human being so she owes me” is crap.


I agree but I would add emotional and just as important physical intimacy are pretty much bedrocks of marriage. If not you are just two people maintaining a shared financial and living arrangement. I don't think they have to be dependent on each other, but if you neglect any of those things it will have an impact on the others. 

His tone is not great but I think this works the same way as you put it. Your spouse has needs, emotional, physical, financial, so on. So in the same respect. The idea of "stuff needs to be done, do it" could hold true there too. Now that is not me saying you have to have sex with them, but it is me saying if you can't you better figure our why and fix it. If the reason is because of something in your relationship you have a responsibly to tell your spouse. If not you are not being a good partner. If you do nothing at the very least you are leaving yourself vulnerable. I don't feel bad about saying that because I think almost all people feel a physical relationship is part of the agreement with marriage. If you completely abandon that aspect then to me it's really no different then if you stop working. If you stop talking to your spouse, and {gasp} if you stop doing your chores around the house. Sex is as big a part of the marriage. 

Before you go all men vs women on me. If you look at this site right now there are two post where the husband is the one who is not providing for their spouses physical needs so this really isn't about man or women. There is also a long running post for women in sexless marriages on here. For the most part the women on here are all great sex-positive posters. I have read enough on these boards that I now believe that desire for sex is not as gender specific as we have been led to believe. This idea of men want sex but women don't is really a hold over from a more puritanical thinking and is frankly a lie. I also think until like 30 years ago women's sexual desires were never really even talked about, but in today's world this is a big a part of the media. I think the idea of LD vs HD is a much better way to think of it. 

I also now think if a women doesn't want sex with her husband it means a women just doesn't want sex WITH HER HUSBAND. If I was the husband I would work off of THAT assumption not the standard that she doesn't want sex in general. Now the second could be true but she may not even know it's the first. Another man could come along and boom sex drive returns. So if you are the husband assuming that won't happen you are leaving yourself vulnerable. If your spouse isn't having sex with you in my mind you should assume you marriage is in very big trouble and probably unsustainable. That doesn't mean that you aren't partly responsible for the situation. 

So yes I think what you say is true in the general sense, but I also think if you are generally a good spouse and your spouse doesn't want to engage in any of the aspects of the marriage that are important to you, then you may have to come to terms with the fact that you married the wrong person.

You are not entitled per say, but you are entitled to move on. 

However first you better check yourself. 

Where I DO think men and women are different for the most part is I think more generally women need an emotional connection to want to have long term sexual relationship. So even more important then the dishes being done is, are you emotionally connected with your wife. Does she have hurts because you have not treated her kind. That is where I would start. Then worry about the dishes and being in shape. 

One more thing there are people whose whole sexual desire is predicated on something being new and exciting. Those people make bad spouses.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

Women don't give BJ's because you helped clean the house, it's never worked like that. I clean around the house because I help make the mess, it's not really a big deal. If your wife reduces sex and starts using it as a means of punishment/reward it's because she's likely not attracted to you anymore or she's using sex as a means of power over you because she feels powerless otherwise. Either way your marriage is ****ed...


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

After multiple years of marriage i also learnt that house work, chores, or fixing things does not count towards sexual points. 
- I've cleaned the house from top to bottom on some days, spending 5+ hours and never received a lowly handjob. I also had the incorrect mindset that (like mentioned above) she would drop to her knee's as soon as she saw her reflection on the newly cleaned mirror.... negative.

The new mindset is to do that **** (as I am half owner of this house and marriage) and pursue her sexually anyway. The sex result is not because i 'worked for it' but because i desire her and want her.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

This thread reminds me of a supposedly humorous "nonreciprocal law of expectations":

Negative expectations yield negative results
Positive expectation yield negative results

it seems a close parallel that:

Being an unromantic **** and not helping out yields negative sexual results
Being a romantic hunk and helping out yields negative sexual results.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Steve2.0 said:


> After multiple years of marriage i also learnt that house work, chores, or fixing things does not count towards sexual points.
> - I've cleaned the house from top to bottom on some days, spending 5+ hours and never received a lowly handjob. I also had the incorrect mindset that (like mentioned above) she would drop to her knee's as soon as she saw her reflection on the newly cleaned mirror.... negative.
> 
> The new mindset is to do that **** (as I am half owner of this house and marriage) and pursue her sexually anyway. The sex result is not because i 'worked for it' but because i desire her and want her.


Yep, but if she is gate keeping that is a really big problem. Try to fix it but I would not live with it, accept that maybe you don't do it for her.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

sokillme said:


> I agree but I would add emotional and just as important physical intimacy are pretty much bedrocks of marriage. If not you are just two people maintaining a shared financial and living arrangement. I don't think they have to be dependent on each other, but if you neglect any of those things it will have an impact on the others.
> 
> His tone is not great but I think this works the same way as you put it. Your spouse has needs, emotional, physical, financial, so on. So in the same respect. The idea of "stuff needs to be done, do it" could hold true there too. Now that is not me saying you have to have sex with them, but it is me saying if you can't you better figure our why and fix it. If the reason is because of something in your relationship you have a responsibly to tell your spouse. If not you are not being a good partner. If you do nothing at the very least you are leaving yourself vulnerable. I don't feel bad about saying that because I think almost all people feel a physical relationship is part of the agreement with marriage. If you completely abandon that aspect then to me it's really no different then if you stop working. If you stop talking to your spouse, and {gasp} if you stop doing your chores around the house. Sex is as big a part of the marriage.
> 
> ...


Before *I* go all men vs women?!? Are we reading the same thread? You are defending him on the premise that he is being denied sex and that isn’t the case. He just isn’t getting everything to which he feels entitled. 

OP clearly stated that his wife “wants sex all the time.” His words. He’s going scorched earth on her because he isn’t getting everything exactly his way. Since when did the idea of “do exactly as I say or I’ll make you sorry” become acceptable? It sounds more like coercion - at best. 

As far as women needing that emotional connection of which you speak? Simply treating women with basic human decency goes a long way. Treating them like *****s (I paid for a bj because I did the dishes) doesn’t cut it.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

Just for the record, I do believe spouses have an obligation to meet each other’s needs. I do not agree that one gets to treat the other poorly or use threats and ultimatums to control the other. It’s childish, cruel, and abusive.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MidnightBlue said:


> Before *I* go all men vs women?!? Are we reading the same thread? You are defending him on the premise that he is being denied sex and that isn’t the case. He just isn’t getting everything to which he feels entitled.
> 
> OP clearly stated that his wife “wants sex all the time.” His words. He’s going scorched earth on her because he isn’t getting everything exactly his way. Since when did the idea of “do exactly as I say or I’ll make you sorry” become acceptable? It sounds more like coercion - at best.
> 
> As far as women needing that emotional connection of which you speak? Simply treating women with basic human decency goes a long way. Treating them like *****s (I paid for a bj because I did the dishes) doesn’t cut it.


Don't disagree. I was commenting you your comment more then his. I also think if you are not treating your partner with human decency they should divorce you immediately. I also think you should earnestly strive to emotionally connect with your wife. It's very important.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

MidnightBlue said:


> I think when men like the OP read articles that claim “If you sit on the couch and watch tv/porn while your wife does all the housework, she is going to be too tired and resentful for sex.”, they tend to interpret it as “if you do the dishes, that ***** owes you a bj.”


My wife told me that me doing the dishes was a huge turn on for her.

Back in the day I took it with a grain of salt, I figured it was just some crap she read in a magazine or some child psych thing she was trying to use on me. Thinking on it more recently, I see it as extremely manipulative on her part.

spoilers: of course it wasn't a turn on for her


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I find the chores thing funny. Because it is a huge turn on for me. My love language is acts of service and time.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

I do dishes/fold laundry because I want it done more than my wife does. She is a classic procrastinator and will let things pile up and pile up. If I don't do it nobody will. So in addition to working sixty hours a week I do about half the housework. 

She, on the other hand, complains her morning nap wasn't long enough.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> I do dishes/fold laundry because I want it done more than my wife does. She is a classic procrastinator and will let things pile up and pile up. If I don't do it nobody will. So in addition to working sixty hours a week I do about half the housework.
> 
> She, on the other hand, complains her morning nap wasn't long enough.


Ditto.

After I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen one evening, my wife thanked me.

I responded with "I didn't do it for you."

:surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise::surprise:

I got called some names after that!

Fortunately, she's _much _better now.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Covert contracts happen all the time.

Tit for tat 

If you buy someone a birthday present do you expect one back? If you treat someone with respect and desire do you expect it back?

The problem arrises when they don't reciprocate and you accept it then they will accept that this is acceptable to you and treat you that way.


If birthday presents are important to you the first time you get one thats a lazy no effort present then you should hit the road.

Same with blow jobs.

If she not giving freely and you still matty her shame on you. And ishe stops after the ring is on and you stay then you accepted it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I say do the dishes so she has more time to spend with you, if you spend the time right it will lead to intimacy. I don't know I just see part of being a husband is to nurture and provide for my wife, I like doing that it gives me a sense of pride. A way to do that is to help around the house. We do that for each other, she nurtures me in so many ways as well, she takes care of me better then I ever would take care of myself. The women has cooked great dinners for me for over 15 years (I can't cook). I think sex should be seen in the same light.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> Covert contracts happen all the time.
> 
> Tit for tat
> 
> ...


I have a much different perspective on marriage and what a "covert contract" is. To me marriage is about commitment to each other and trying to work things out.

A "covert contract" is something I make up in my head. A deal that is not explicitly communicated, like your examples. It is like playing 20-questions with someone and being upset when they can't read your mind. I don't view that as the way a marriage should work among adults.

If I want sex with my wife, I talk to her about it. If she realizes that I need sex and we discuss how both our needs for happiness can be meet, there is no covert contract. If we can't find a compromise we can still continue to know this is a problem and try other things to resolve it as a committed relationship. If one of us blows the other off and won't talk about the problem, then the commitment to our marriage and it long term health is in question. 

Marriage should not be undisclosed "tit for tat."


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

notmyrealname4 said:


> This is a little bit of a threadjack; sorry.
> 
> But when men do half the housework, do their wives then reciprocate by doing half the yardwork, car maintenance, light repair jobs, spider killing :grin2:
> 
> I don't mean to be a nit-picker by bringing it up; but fair is fair.


You’re comparing things done seasonally or sporadically to daily grind. 

“Hey hon, I ride around on a lawnmower once a week for 5 months out of the year so it’s only fair that you do all of the cooking, dishwashing, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, laundry, grocery shopping, bed making, window washing, toilet scrubbing, etc, etc, etc.”

Yeah. Totally fair.:|


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I wouldn't worry too much about a thread jack. OP comes on once and only once, makes a incindeary remark with the name sumguy. Think it might be a troll.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

sokillme said:


> I say do the dishes so she has more time to spend with you, if you spend the time right it will lead to intimacy. I don't know I just see part of being a husband is to nurture and provide for my wife, I like doing that it gives me a sense of pride. A way to do that is to help around the house. We do that for each other, she nurtures me in so many ways as well, she takes care of me better then I ever would take care of myself. The ewomen has cooked great dinners for me for over 15 years (I can't cook). I think sex should be seen in the same light.


Great in theory 

Works well IF she decides to invest that time and energy you save her in physical intimacy. 

For many, that is not the case. You can nurture ‘til you’re blue in the face and still have blue balls


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> I do dishes/fold laundry because I want it done more than my wife does. She is a classic procrastinator and will let things pile up and pile up. If I don't do it nobody will. So in addition to working sixty hours a week I do about half the housework.
> 
> She, on the other hand, complains her morning nap wasn't long enough.


I'm in a similar boat, my wife routinely plays the martyr over everything and is quick to point out anything other people haven't done instead of just doing it herself. This morning she complained about the broken dishwasher for the 10th time, she's been off for nearly 2 weeks as a school teacher. All it needs is a call for warranty service, she had plenty of time to do it. Instead she'll complain for 2 weeks about it to nag me into doing it. She'll come home from work kicks her shoes off, drops her coat, bags, and other **** on the floor. It will sit there until I pick it up and put it away.

One day out of 14 she'll get a hair in her ass and clean the house top to bottom, then act like she's the only one who does anything. Meanwhile she hasn't lifted a finger for 2 weeks.

I'm the one who does nearly everything day-to-day to keep the house tidy and running smooth. I do all the bills, laundry, cleaning, snow removal, take out the trash, pick up the dog waste, etc...

It's exhausting but I like things in their place. The only time I get upset about it is when my wife gets off her ass once in a blue moon and does something and spends the entire time acting like a martyr. Then I just have to leave and bite my tongue.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Great in theory
> 
> Works well IF she decides to invest that time and energy you save her in physical intimacy.
> 
> For many, that is not the case. You can nurture ‘til you’re blue in the face and still have blue balls


Yeah my wife would just use that time on her phone, definitely not for any intimacy. I don't really care though, after a decade of neglect I wouldn't want her coming on to me anymore, when she does I reject her now.

Doing work around the house with the expectation of a "BJ" or sex, is settling for a covert contract, it's passive aggressive and pathetic anyway.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> You’re comparing things done seasonally or sporadically to daily grind.
> 
> “Hey hon, I ride around on a lawnmower once a week for 5 months out of the year so it’s only fair that you do all of the cooking, dishwashing, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, laundry, grocery shopping, bed making, window washing, toilet scrubbing, etc, etc, etc.”
> 
> Yeah. Totally fair.:|


He has a point though, most women expect 50/50 housework and they do 0 of the seasonal work. I know that's how it is in my house. The "seasonal work" is exhausting and unyielding. Snow removal, leaf removal, and landscaping alone can tie up nearly every weekend for the entire year for me. Landscaping also entails picking weeds which never stop, trimming bushes, edging beds, planting, weed-whacking, fertilizing, etc... It's a lot more than riding on a mower. Not to mention electrical, plumbing repairs, gutter cleaning, dog waste, kitchen and bathroom remodels, painting, window repair, driveway crack repair, fixing siding, etc...

My wife helps with none of it ever, that's 100% on me "mens work" she calls it.

Even in your post, you're so flippant about it as if it were not work at all. I find women do diminish the overwhelming amount of this work that most men take care of because they know they slack on it.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Great in theory
> 
> Works well IF she decides to invest that time and energy you save her in physical intimacy.
> 
> For many, that is not the case. You can nurture ‘til you’re blue in the face and still have blue balls


It still boils down to...is she attracted to you at a physical, visceral, subconscious level? If she is not, then nothing else will ever matter.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> It still boils down to...is she attracted to you at a physical, visceral, subconscious level? If she is not, then nothing else will ever matter.


Unfortunately this is sometimes learned way too late. And both parties can be lying to themselves and the other.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

samyeagar said:


> It still boils down to...is she attracted to you at a physical, visceral, subconscious level? If she is not, then nothing else will ever matter.


If only it were that easy. It's actually more than that. I she straight up LD? Then there's the health aspect. Does she feel good? Does she have a good self image? How are her hormones? Is she prone to UTIs? 

Even with strong attraction, other things can get in the way.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> If only it were that easy. It's actually more than that. I she straight up LD? Then there's the health aspect. Does she feel good? Does she have a good self image? How are her hormones? Is she prone to UTIs?
> 
> Even with strong attraction, other things can get in the way.


Those things are all very real things that can get in the way of intimacy. But that also makes them perfect camouflage for a lack of real attraction and desire. 

I have strong attraction and desire for my wife. I practically need to be on deaths door to turn down a real proposition from her born of real desire and not obligation or guilt.

I dont believe she has real attraction and desire for me. MANY things can get in the way for her. Funny how that works.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

Middle of Everything said:


> I dont believe she has real attraction and desire for me. MANY things can get in the way for her. Funny how that works.


If you honestly believe that why would you want to remain married to her? Eventually she's going to find someone she is attracted to and has desire for. You're just wasting your time and youth on someone who doesn't like you.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> If only it were that easy. It's actually more than that. I she straight up LD? Then there's the health aspect. Does she feel good? Does she have a good self image? How are her hormones? Is she prone to UTIs?
> 
> Even with strong attraction, other things can get in the way.


Aside from truly being LD in relation to anyone, all those other things can reduce situational desire, but if there is no underlying, raw physical attraction, none of those things matter. Without that, the sex life is doomed.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

username77 said:


> He has a point though, most women expect 50/50 housework and they do 0 of the seasonal work. I know that's how it is in my house. The "seasonal work" is exhausting and unyielding...
> 
> Not to mention electrical, plumbing repairs, gutter cleaning, dog waste, kitchen and bathroom remodels, painting, window repair, driveway crack repair, fixing siding, etc...
> 
> ...


This is totally true, and I've seen this (the double-standard) apply to sex too. I've had past partners (not just my ex-wife) assert that the guy should be on his game whether or not he is getting the sex he wants (or any at all). Said differently, such women consider sex as optional and beyond the scope of normal marital compromise, so they expect to be treated the same no matter whether the guy is getting his needs met or not.

I wonder if some of this is going on with the OP.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Oh the famous I do sòoooooòoo much work 

I do this and i do that and I I I I

Well I believe that is the case for some marriages its not the case in mine or alot of my friends.

Painting all men in marriages this way is bull crap!

Then theres the fall back if its not the case well hes just doing it to get laid !

And then theres the fall back to the fall back hes to beta he should have more game and be more alpha!

Its a moving target !


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Well, not _totally_ seasonal. There's mowing, and edge trimming, and raking leaves and shoveling snow. Weeding flowers, growing vegetables.
> 
> If you've got a pool/jacuzzi, that's usually [not always] up to Dad to maintain.
> 
> ...


I give men credit for what they do but you admitted that it doesn’t take the amount of time women typically put in to the daily work. 

Men who do repairs and such are fantastic but realistically, how often do they have to do most of those things? I can’t imagine that picture hanging or putting together furniture happens on a regular basis. If I had to choose between hanging up pictures once every couple of years, (or heck,even a couple of times a year) or doing dishes daily you’d better believe I’m trading in my dishrag for a hammer.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

username77 said:


> He has a point though, most women expect 50/50 housework and they do 0 of the seasonal work. I know that's how it is in my house. The "seasonal work" is exhausting and unyielding. Snow removal, leaf removal, and landscaping alone can tie up nearly every weekend for the entire year for me. Landscaping also entails picking weeds which never stop, trimming bushes, edging beds, planting, weed-whacking, fertilizing, etc... It's a lot more than riding on a mower. Not to mention electrical, plumbing repairs, gutter cleaning, dog waste, kitchen and bathroom remodels, painting, window repair, driveway crack repair, fixing siding, etc...
> 
> My wife helps with none of it ever, that's 100% on me "mens work" she calls it.
> 
> Even in your post, you're so flippant about it as if it were not work at all. I find women do diminish the overwhelming amount of this work that most men take care of because they know they slack on it.



If a woman contributes financially to the household, she shouldn’t be expected to do all the housework. If men contribute to housework, they shouldn’t be expected to do all the seasonal work. And yes, I get that seasonal work is exhausting but so are the daily chores. 

As far as what most women expect? Your wife may not do any yard work or repairs but she isn’t the global representative of all women. My husband does ride around on the mower while I use the weed eater and pull the weeds from the flower beds. 

I was flippant in response to a flippant post.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have always done and suspect I always will do more than 50% of the cleaning, 90% of the of cooking and 100% of the seasonal work.

I’ll tell you right now I have never been in a sexless relationship and never will be. It has nothing to do with housework. I just believe that it should be split and it’s never one persons responsibility. The reason I have never been in a sexless relationship is because I wouldn’t tolerate one. I’m not interested in using sex as currency. Have to choose your partner wisely.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

MidnightBlue said:


> You’re comparing things done seasonally or sporadically to daily grind.
> 
> “Hey hon, I ride around on a lawnmower once a week for 5 months out of the year so it’s only fair that you do all of the cooking, dishwashing, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, laundry, grocery shopping, bed making, window washing, toilet scrubbing, etc, etc, etc.”
> 
> Yeah. Totally fair.:|


I see this response from women a lot when it's mentioned that there are other things that go into taking care of a house than dishes. And the belittling of his contribution is par for the course from them as well. 

Thankfully my wife thinks she has the better end of the bargain, she does 99.9% of the cooking and cleaning in our house. She's thankful that she gets to stay in the air conditioning while she loads the dish washer and I'm out "riding on the mower" in the summer heat. Some times she'll even bring me a cold drink. She's also greatful that she isn't out in the near zero temps shoveling snow and salting the walks. But alas my wife is awesome. 

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

username77 said:


> He has a point though, most women expect 50/50 housework and they do 0 of the seasonal work. I know that's how it is in my house. The "seasonal work" is exhausting and unyielding. Snow removal, leaf removal, and landscaping alone can tie up nearly every weekend for the entire year for me. Landscaping also entails picking weeds which never stop, trimming bushes, edging beds, planting, weed-whacking, fertilizing, etc... It's a lot more than riding on a mower. Not to mention electrical, plumbing repairs, gutter cleaning, dog waste, kitchen and bathroom remodels, painting, window repair, driveway crack repair, fixing siding, etc...
> 
> My wife helps with none of it ever, that's 100% on me "mens work" she calls it.
> 
> Even in your post, you're so flippant about it as if it were not work at all. I find women do diminish the overwhelming amount of this work that most men take care of because they know they slack on it.


Most women LOL

In my world my male and female friends either do plenty of inside and outside house work or outsource it. I can't think of one woman I know that does 0 outside work.

In our home he works a white collar, demanding job and I work a few hours a week at home on my computer. I have no idea who does what % around the house, we just get stuff done and the kids do their fair share (5 teens/young adults). We usually cook together and spend hours on the weekends doing outside work together, gardening, projects etc.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> Most women LOL
> 
> In my world my male and female friends either do plenty of inside and outside house work or outsource it. I can't think of one woman I know that does 0 outside work.


Purely anecdotal sure, but every snowstorm I see dozens of men clearing snow 0 women, every weekend I see dozens of men doing yardwork and 0 women. If I see someone up on a roof cleaning a gutter it's never been a woman. But I'm sure it's really 50/50... Like you say... And I'm just mistaken.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> Men who do repairs and such are fantastic but realistically, how often do they have to do most of those things? I can’t imagine that picture hanging or putting together furniture happens on a regular basis. If I had to choose between hanging up pictures once every couple of years, (or heck,even a couple of times a year) or doing dishes daily you’d better believe I’m trading in my dishrag for a hammer.


This statement proves you never help with the seasonal work (i.e. anything besides doing dishes and vacuuming apparently) and you have no idea how exhausting mentally and physically it is to have to deal with it all alone.

I have a 130 year old Victorian house and I could work every weekend for 10 hours each day for the next 10 years on projects and still not get everything I want done.

I have a rental unit I keep up, every time it turns over I take care of everything, the mental strain is terrible, the physical work means that I'm working a full time job as an IT Manager then going to paint a rental, repair walls, replace window panes, etc... I get called because the plumbing is leaking, or a dishwasher is busted. I have to stress all day on how I'm going to fix it or pay for it, it takes away from my ability to do my day job right. When a renter breaks a lease I deal with how we're going to pay 2 mortgages. My wife doesn't deal with any of this.

It's never ending, the "seasonal work" is literally never ending, and typically aggravating, expensive, and mentally draining work. Doing some dishes or vacuuming is no big deal, I do it everyday, never once did either cause me 1 second of stress, it's just brainless and simple busy work.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

Well, I guess if YOU say that’s how it is, that’s how it must be! Of COURSE your anecdotal evidence means more than hers! You personally don’t see women doing something so that must mean no women are doing it! Mrs Holland and I are just afflicted with hallucinations and delusions when we relate that not only do we do outside work but ROUTINELY see other women doing the same. 

It must be utterly exhausting to travel globally to check up on what all women are or aren’t doing on top of being the only one doing anything at your own home!


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> Well, I guess if YOU say that’s how it is, that’s how it must be! Of COURSE your anecdotal evidence means more than hers! You personally don’t see women doing something so that must mean no women are doing it! Mrs Holland and I are just afflicted with hallucinations and delusions when we relate that not only do we do outside work but ROUTINELY see other women doing the same.
> 
> It must be utterly exhausting to travel globally to check up on what all women are or aren’t doing on top of being the only one doing anything at your own home!


Like I said, I'm probably mistaken, women do equal shares of outside work of course. I must just live in a weird area where men are doing the snow clearing, yard work, cleaning gutters, wrenching under cars, laying a new walk, painting their house, digging in a fence, and I never see women doing any of it.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

username77 said:


> This statement proves you never help with the seasonal work (i.e. anything besides doing dishes and vacuuming apparently) and you have no idea how exhausting mentally and physically it is to have to deal with it all alone.
> 
> I have a 130 year old Victorian house and I could work every weekend for 10 hours each day for the next 10 years on projects and still not get everything I want done.
> 
> ...


Your statement proves you know jack**** about me and don’t fair well in reading comprehension. I do the weed eating and weeding the flower beds. Who are you to declare I don’t do it?!? I also paint, do repairs and basic home maintenance and all kinds of other crap on top of working and all the other stuff you condescendingly brush off as brainless, as do lots of other women.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> Your statement proves you know jack**** about me and don’t fair well in reading comprehension. I do the weed eating and weeding the flower beds. Who are you to declare I don’t do it?!? I also paint, do repairs and basic home maintenance and all kinds of other crap on top of working and all the other stuff you condescendingly brush off as brainless, as do lots of other women.


You give the work no respect, proves to me you don't ever do it. 

Basically I don't believe you.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

username77 said:


> Like I said, I'm probably mistaken, women do equal shares of outside work of course. I must just live in a weird area where men are doing the snow clearing, yard work, cleaning gutters, wrenching under cars, laying a new walk, painting their house, digging in a fence, and I never see women doing any of it.



Your view is probably askew from up there on that cross.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> Your view is probably askew from up there on that cross.


Probably, from up there I don't see women doing any yard work, snow clearing, cleaning gutters. Like I said, you're probably right, and I just live in a weird suburb where the men do all the yard work, leaf clearing, snow clearing, and home improvements. My suburb is probably completely unlike every other one in America where women are out there doing all the oil changes and yard work.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

username77 said:


> You give the work no respect, proves to me you don't ever do it.
> 
> Basically I don't believe you.



I give the work no respect? Are you kidding me? I don’t need to give the work respect. I just, you know, do it. 

While you’re busy patting yourself on the back, reach a little lower and stick your comments where they belong.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> I give the work no respect? Are you kidding me? I don’t need to give the work respect. I just, you know, do it.
> 
> While you’re busy patting yourself on the back, reach a little lower and stick your comments where they belong.


Ughh OK...

Still don't believe you at all. If you actually did the work I'm talking about you wouldn't talk about it like it was nothing and doing dishes is the end all be all for work required to keep a house going.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

username77 said:


> Ughh OK...
> 
> Still don't believe you at all. If you actually did the work I'm talking about you wouldn't talk about it like it was nothing and doing dishes is the end all be all for work required to keep a house going.


It *is* nothing if you’re the kind of person who does what needs to be done without whining.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> It *is* nothing if you’re the kind of person who does what needs to be done without whining.


Again, I simply don't believe you at all. You equate anything that doesn't entail dishes or vacuuming to hanging a picture every few years. Clearly you aren't the one doing the rest of the work that keeps your house going, or you would understand the level of work actually involved.

You seem to be whining about housework though, those dastardly men not vacuuming their house and only hanging a picture every few years...


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

Don’t you have some utterly exhausting and back breaking work to do? Look at all this time you’ve wasted by posting mind numbingly repetitive claptrap. At the very least, you need to keep up with your global chore monitoring. What happens if a woman does something and you’re not there to tell her she’s not actually doing it?!??


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

MidnightBlue said:


> Don’t you have some utterly exhausting and back breaking work to do? Look at all this time you’ve wasted by posting mind numbingly repetitive claptrap. At the very least, you need to keep up with your global chore monitoring. What happens if a woman does something and you’re not there to tell her she’s not actually doing it?!??


Clearly you've run through every household in America to determine that men only hang a picture every few years if they're not washing the dishes or pushing a vacuum.

You should meditate or something, you are sooooo angry, it's palpable how in your head I am and I'm not even trying at all, I hate confrontation and drama, you just seem to invite it and seek it out by hanging onto one thing a poster says and losing your marbles in your replies and dropping insults left and right.


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## MidnightBlue (Nov 20, 2017)

username77 said:


> Clearly you've run through every household in America to determine that men only hang a picture every few years if they're not washing the dishes or pushing a vacuum.
> 
> You should meditate or something, you are sooooo angry, it's palpable how in your head I am and I'm not even trying at all, I hate confrontation and drama, you just seem to invite it and seek it out by hanging onto one thing a poster says and losing your marbles in your replies and dropping insults left and right.



You’re projecting.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

This woman is the one who gets the pine straw off the roof and mows the yard and does the gardening (mostly), my hubby does dishes though I do too. I think I have the better end of the deal. Dishes are endless, laundry too.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> I have always done and suspect I always will do more than 50% of the cleaning, 90% of the of cooking and 100% of the seasonal work.
> 
> I’ll tell you right now I have never been in a sexless relationship and never will be. It has nothing to do with housework. I just believe that it should be split and it’s never one persons responsibility. The reason I have never been in a sexless relationship is because I wouldn’t tolerate one. I’m not interested in using sex as currency. Have to choose your partner wisely.


Where are the multiple like buttons? I need more!


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

MidnightBlue said:


> I give men credit for what they do but you admitted that it doesn’t take the amount of time women typically put in to the daily work.
> 
> Men who do repairs and such are fantastic but realistically, how often do they have to do most of those things? I can’t imagine that picture hanging or putting together furniture happens on a regular basis. If I had to choose between hanging up pictures once every couple of years, (or heck,even a couple of times a year) or doing dishes daily you’d better believe I’m trading in my dishrag for a hammer.


Ok, I'm going to jump in here, with the perspective of a single homeowner who takes care of all the recurring stuff and a few repairs here and there. My home is probably a little below-average size (1800 sq. ft.). The lot decent-size (0.20 acre) but low-maintenance - a fair amount of shrubbery, two small lawns, two small evergreen trees, and lots of hardscape. There are no flower beds, gardens, or fruits and vegetables to address.

I spend a surprising amount of time doing "man's work" around the home: dealing with the lawns, pool, cars, garage, maintenance that I can handle. I spend somewhat more time on the interior (cleaning, cooking, laundry) because I'm far more picky about that stuff. I like my house fairly clean at all times, especially the kitchen and bathrooms. If I don't do the lawns or wash the cars but once a month it's not a big deal (the pool gets regular love, for health reasons). Plus, the man's work is just harder / dirtier.

Yeah, I know someone could always say "I have a bigger house", "I have a condo", etc. but the main gist here is that the time spent on keeping up the inside of a home is not the clearly harder work as some make it out to be.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I’ve had sex problems in my marriage. Lots. But now I’d give my right arm for one thing...... honesty! Be thankful she hasn’t layed down with another man.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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