# There for the kids



## tick36 (May 20, 2010)

I married my wife because she was the mother of my daughter. We had been together for almost 3 years at the time... but I don't think I ever love her the way she loved me, if at all. I felt like maybe our relationship would grow once we became a family. But right after we got married she "changed", and I mean right after.... like immediately after we returned from the honeymoon. So then I felt like I now need to learn to love someone that I've never met. 

Almost 3 years and 2 kids (4yo & 1yo) later and by this point I feel like I no longer want to be here. I feel like I've suppressed who I truly am, in order to make our relationship work. It also didn't help that there are a 1 or 2 people from my past that I had even stronger feelings for, and 1 of those individuals has kinda walked back into my life. The individual is currently playing no part in my confusion over leaving. 

Even though I did do some emotional cheating, it never became physical and my wife knows about this. And at that point I had every opportunity to leave. But then I think about my kids... and I don't think I could go a day with out seeing their faces.

My main reason for leaving is because I don't think I love her. I don't feel like she completes me or makes me into a better person. I also know and I think she knows for a fact that I am an all around better parent than she. 

The only reason that I think I'm there is strictly for my kids. If I could take them with me..... I'd be gone!!!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

tick36 said:


> I don't feel like she completes me or makes me into a better person. I also know and I think she knows for a fact that I am an all around better parent than she.


and your so humble too... My H doesnt make me a better person either, i make me a better person. And my H certainly doesnt complete me. i never did understand that saying. 

It sounds to me like you are trying to fit your relationship into those hollywood drama series that are not real. you've heard what love is and you think yours is not that- which of course it is not. that's not real. if you stop trying to define it from the outside and see what you do have, you might find that what you have is a little different then what you thought it was but is still satisfying. you have a family. its not about completing each other and making each other better people. that's fairytale unrealistic movie jargon. You make you a better person by working through these trials and dedicating you to your wife and children. that's love. its not fantasy, nor is it fun. it work, but it is love. let go of the slogans or you will never find love. of course there is always the possibility that love is not what you are really looking for.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

tick36 said:


> I1 of those individuals has kinda walked back into my life. The individual is currently playing no part in my confusion over leaving.


You are lying to yourself. Read any book on affairs. Start with Surviving an Affair. You'll see that the instant the mere possibility of someone else entered the picture, you rewrote your history.

Leave your wife if you don't love her. But if you then go to this other person, then you cheated on your wife.


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

Don't forget that you are also training your children how to be married. You are both responsible for that. If you feel you are settling for your wife, then your children will settle for a spouse that doesn't love them as much as they pour in. (or vice versa). 

Not that my marriage is a great example right now, but this is the notion that haunts me the most. They don't learn relationships from school, they learn them from you and your wife.


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