# Is this a problem or a great asset?



## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

I can't control my urges to purchase my wife new bra and panties. I'm not getting her sexy lingerie that has to be worn for me. I just love buying her new bra and panties, that match of course so that she can feel good in what she is wearing each and everyday. Now, I also do this in hope that it will bring her home in the mood to be with me possibly that night. 

I find myself thinking about what color she might be wearing today and how hot she looks in it. 

But I've probably turned over her whole draw in the past 3 months.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Well anything you can't control is not good. Are you on any new meds that can be causing the urges? Do you have any other urges you can't control lately?

Is it maybe that you get good results from it?


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

There has been good results from it. And I know that it has propped up her self esteem to some degree. She has said it makes her feel good to be wearing pretty stuff that matches. And some of the stuff she says she feels really sexy in.

No meds!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why would this be a problem? You like your wife and you are buying her gifts.

I fail to see the problem.


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

I'm not very good at spelling out other issues. My wife is definitely LD and I am HD. And I can't seem to find any way around this issue. Well, with these purchases I've made lately, it seems to help to some degrees. Yet, I wonder am I really working towards getting to the root of the problem or am I just going to have to keep burning through my checkbook.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

CalBanker said:


> I'm not very good at spelling out other issues. My wife is definitely LD and I am HD. And I can't seem to find any way around this issue. Well, with these purchases I've made lately, it seems to help to some degrees. Yet, I wonder am I really working towards getting to the root of the problem or am I just going to have to keep burning through my checkbook.


You don't draw most of the LD's by doing things for them but the opposite.

There are a small amount of spouses, were acts and kindness build up their love for you. Then there are others where this love does not build up.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

If your wife enjoys it and you enjoy, well then, don't over think it, just enjoy!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

It's possible your wife's love language is Gifts. In which case, it's the thought and care and attention in selecting something she'll enjoy that makes her feel loved by you. If so, then it need not be underwear. You could speak her love language with flowers, trinkets, chocolates - anything you know she will enjoy as a small token of your love for her.

It may simply be that she finds she likes pretty underthings and feels sexier when wearing them. She likes to please you and this helps her feel sexy. So, you may not need to keep buying an endless round of new lingerie. Once she has a good supply of things that make her feel beautiful, sexy and desirable, she will wear her favorites and you can still bring her something new from time to time. 

It's also possible that you're trying to pay for sex with your own wife. If that's what's going on, then even if she is a Gifts person, she will eventually notice that's the deal. And a gift is not really a gift if there's an invoice attached. Just be careful that you are creating romance and building love, rather than expecting to be "paid" when you give her things and being p1ssed off if you aren't.


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

Rowan said:


> It's also possible that you're trying to pay for sex with your own wife. If that's what's going on, then even if she is a Gifts person, she will eventually notice that's the deal. And a gift is not really a gift if there's an invoice attached. Just be careful that you are creating romance and building love, rather than expecting to be "paid" when you give her things and being p1ssed off if you aren't.


This is the part that I'm being very careful about not creating.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

CalBanker said:


> ...Well, with these purchases I've made lately, it seems to help to some degrees. Yet, I wonder am I really working towards getting to the root of the problem or am I just going to have to keep burning through my checkbook.


You know the answer here.. no - you are not getting to the root of the 'problem'.

hm. you said 'problem'. To what exactly do you refer as a problem... your mismatched sex drives or your persistant urges to buy sets of undies for her? Both?

If you are not at the point where this is 'ineffective' - I expect you will be soon. Obviously you have replaced her entire drawer in the past few months with new things so you can't keep this up forever and you know this is unsustainable.

It sort of sounds, based on your words.. that you are doing this because you find buying her these things ...exciting - but also to pay off in the bedroom - which is reasonable sortof... but not all the time like clockwork, know what I mean?

I guess its tricky to draw the line between 'urges' and 'fetishes'. It this a fetish? In other words do you compulsively need this in order to feel satisfied?

Do you both need this little ritual before having sex? How often are you close without the gifts?


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Last year, I tried a scaled down version of what the OP is doing. I have a fetish for seeing my wife (and curvy women as a whole) in silky/satiny bras and panties. I thought that I bought my wife these that she would feel better about herself. Not really. She liked them and wears them quite regularly but no increase in sex.


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

anotherguy said:


> You know the answer here.. no - you are not getting to the root of the 'problem'.
> 
> hm. you said 'problem'. To what exactly do you refer as a problem... your mismatched sex drives or your persistant urges to buy sets of undies for her? Both?
> 
> ...


The "problem" being the mismatched drives. And yes, I have replaced almost the entire drawer and yes their is some gratification out of it in that I think she looks so dang sexy in new stuff that matches and not the normal mismatched whites and nudes....

But yes, the novelty is going to run off. 

No, we don't have to have this ritual to have sex. But I would say it has added a little spice that I can text her during the day to ask what pair she is wearing and it has gotten her a little revved at night.

But then she has also been upset and said that she doesn't care for the text because she thinks all I am thinking about is sex. And my response, "yes, I am thinking about sex with you!!!" And there in lies the problem. I think about sex with her and her, not as much.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I think CalBanker's purchases are fine. My wife has lots of boring, everyday "standard" panties and bras. All the same color, and all the same fabric. (boring!!!) It was ME that got her into colorful, sexy panties and bras. I think it is fun to buy her something very different than what she usually wears...and something that she usually doesn't buy for herself. This gets her out of her box. 

I think it is thoughtful to find things that she will appreciate and look great in. This builds her self esteem and makes her feel good about her self. My wife appreciates what I buy for her, and she loves to model the lingerie and/or shoes that I select. I also take digital pics of her "sexy fashion show" while she models them. Bottom line, surprising my wife with lingerie adds spice in our home! :smthumbup:

PS: read my first post if you are daring enough to give your wife panties for special purposes. They still work wonders to this very day.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

CalBanker said:


> I can't control my urges to purchase my wife new bra and panties. I'm not getting her sexy lingerie that has to be worn for me. I just love buying her new bra and panties, that match of course so that she can feel good in what she is wearing each and everyday. Now, I also do this in hope that it will bring her home in the mood to be with me possibly that night.
> 
> I find myself thinking about what color she might be wearing today and how hot she looks in it.
> 
> But I've probably turned over her whole draw in the past 3 months.



A great asset! You are a good man with a dirty mind and that is a good thing!


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

Yeah, just yesterday, I had to get her some Fredrick's of Hollywood red bra and matching thongs......hmmmm......going to look so freaky hot on her!!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Maybe you should also or instead buy her parfume, a scent you really like. Then as you both get dressed, you see which scent she puts on, grab a tissue and have her put a dab on the tissue which you then stuff in your pocket.

The text you send later in the day reads: guess what I'm scenting (not smelling) right now and guess what I'm thinking?

I can see your wife's point about not feeling like it's HER you're thinking of but sex. So make sure you ARE mixing up the gifts with things she can tell her mother about.

Make sure she knows it's not any old pair of breasts you're imagining in that lacy bra, but HER breasts.


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Maybe you should also or instead buy her parfume, a scent you really like. Then as you both get dressed, you see which scent she puts on, grab a tissue and have her put a dab on the tissue which you then stuff in your pocket.
> 
> The text you send later in the day reads: guess what I'm scenting (not smelling) right now and guess what I'm thinking?
> 
> ...


I like that idea! I'm going to try that with the perfume!


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