# All take and no give



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

My H is the one everyone calls when they need help or need something fixed. I don't mind if he helps family or friends. 

He has done countless things for his brother. Saved him thousands if he would have had to pay someone.
Here's the problem: His brother never bothers to help my H when asked.

H broke his leg and was using a walker for 8 weeks. During that time our a/c wasn't working right. H knew the coils needed cleaning and the squirrel cage also needed to be cleaned. He ask his bro. for help, but bro. couldn't be bothered. He was going out fishing.

A storm blew a tree over. The top of the tree was in the driveway. H ask bro. if he could cut the tree enough to get it out of our drive. H couldn't do it, he had a broke leg. Nope, bro was busy.

There have been countless other examples. I get mad at my H because he continues to help his bro. while bro. never returns the favors. His leg has healed, and he's back at work. H has now gotten bros. son a job where he works.

I'm ticked off. Bro could care less that we have no a/c and it's 96 degrees, the tree is blocking our drive. H has a broke leg, and can't do these things. But as soon as hubby is back at work bro. wants H to get his son a job, and hubby does it.
If I say anything to him about his bro. he gets angry. 

Is this common among men, or brothers?
Should I just shut up, and butt out?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

No it is not. I have chastised my brother repeatedly for being a player and a user of women.

Inform your husband that you, as a woman, are losing respect for him as a man. If he cares he will take your words to heart and will stop allowing his brother to be a leech to both of you.

If he values his relationship with his brother over yours - his wife = then you should seriously consider filing for divorce.


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## anonymiss (Jul 20, 2011)

ALthough it sucks, it doesn't surprise me. MY H is the same way, except he won't even ask for help after he's helped. It definitely causes a little disrespect, but it's something weird about the dymnamics of men and being brothers. Honestly, you're husband is a better man than his brother. I know you're hot and your driveway is blocked, but yours has a good heart, and his bro...not so much.


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## SoupTime (Aug 1, 2011)

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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your husband has a Helper issue and feels he won't be loved if he doesn't help his brother. Help him build up his self esteem so he doesn't need it.


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## SoupTime (Aug 1, 2011)

I think it's a delicate subject but at least consider the fact that there can be underlying reasons why he's taking care of his brother like that. I also have a brother that I help out whenever possible. My brother isn't as lazy/ selfish as your bro in law though. I agree with the orevious post that I would definitely chew my bro out if he were to be that selfish.

I know your H may not have the same situation but I sometimes feel like doing those things because we are so close now. When growing up we were not very fortunate. Our father left mother when we were young. She was stuck raising two boys. That made us somewhat broke and made her very stressed. Even though we both would say our mom did an amazing job handling it there were still rough times. The stress in the house didn't help the typical sibling rivalry. We fought over stupid things and said things we didnt mean. After high school I stayed home for a little over a year and we both matured out of our differences and developed an awesome relationship.

I'm sure there are psychological explanations for why a big brother(myself) would take such care of a younger brother. We didn't have father figures growing up so maybe theres roles being filled. I also was fortunate to get away from home when I could. Our mom remarried and they moved into a new house. The new husband was rude and way into himself. He and bro fought a lot. Our mom was happy though so there would be no remedy but fo move out. 

It sounds like your H is a better man but don't lose sight of those potential nurturing type behaviirs and potential reasons. I know that if my bro didnt return such favors that I wouldn't leave him hanging in times of need
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Now that you mentioned it my H has always taken care of his brother. He shouldered responsibilities that should have been his dads. 

I was so angry that I had to work the anger out. So I cleaned that ac with H directions, and used the small chainsaw to cut the treetop off, enough to clear the drive.

After I calmed down I couldn't believe I did that. I guess sometimes anger can be good. I was proud of myself.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

turnera said:


> Your husband has a Helper issue and feels he won't be loved if he doesn't help his brother. Help him build up his self esteem so he doesn't need it.


Cmon turnera. You don't know this. There is hardly enough evidence to support this from the post. He could just be a person who enjoys giving, submits to biblical action, or has to be a "father" role for his brother because of their childhood.
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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you say so.


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