# Feels like I'm drowning....



## rexb (Nov 1, 2011)

Great site. Just signed up today and have read some very smart and informative posts.

I'll try to be as concise as I can. I've been in a relationship with my gf for 2.5 years now, and it has been tumultuous. Our highs are great and our lows are saddening. We try to work through things even though it's difficult, because we truly do love each other.

We discussed kids before, and she already had one from a previous marriage (ex was a navy vet, deceased). She never wanted children but when that little one came along, she was a great mom and did her best to raise her. We both agreed we didn't want kids again. Lo and behold because of a birth control mix-up, she's now 4 weeks pregnant.

I have been going through a hard time trying to deal with this. The tension in my neck and back is unbelievable. She's been a mental and emotional wreck, also...I don't blame her. I feel like my feelings and misgivings impact her heavily, and I feel guilty about that.

About a couple months after we met she got accidentally pregnant, and we agreed on an abortion. Now, she wants to keep it, and I told her I respect that. She never wanted to marry again, but under the circumstances, I thought I'd step up and try to stand by her. I wasn't planning on marriage with her for maybe another 10 years, but I'm thinking since I love her, we're just speeding things along.

Part of my decision is based on my family. They're religious, and would not accept a family member having a child out of wedlock. They don't know about her pregnancy yet, so I'm trying to get us married first and reveal everything later. Problem is, my family naturally said she has to meet them first, and she's resisting me on this, out of fear (since she's non-religious....like me). We've never lived together either, and she's having doubts also on if we'd work out. Admittedly, I have my doubts, too.

Every 2 days we break up and make up. We argue and cry. I don't sleep well and wake up in the middle of the night. I wake up in the mornings in a panic. I feel sad, depressed, angry....When we break up I steel myself to try and carry on, but then she calls and we're back to square one. I feel like it's the worst Groundhog Day ever, and I'm trapped. I have had suicidal thoughts at times, too.

Sorry for the essay, but I'm desperate for some help! Any advice/feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.


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## rexb (Nov 1, 2011)

Today, she told me her grandmother died. She wanted to see her granddaughter married before she passed, but now it's too late. Can things get any worse?


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

rexb,

The first thing to do is to stop thinking of what you have to do. That's part of whats freaking you out so bad. If you can't stabilize your relationship, there isn't even any point at all in going the next step to get married.

To rush into marriage because of what your family believes, when you don't even believe the same way is leading to a lot of turmoil. You may just have to disappoint your family on this one.

Right now your girlfriend is pregnant and facing the death of her grandmother. The only thing you should be concerned about today is consoling her. Her emotional health has a HUGE significance on your child. Put that first, talk to her about how she sees things working. It's YOU and Her - no one else. Whether you marry or not, you two are the parents of this child.

Marriage, not marriage, telling your family, that can all wait until you are both calmed down and can talk through this without fighting and chaos.


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