# Kids going to bed later - no us time



## avalon22 (Oct 10, 2010)

My kids are 13, 10 and 7. They used to all be to sleep by 9:30 or 10:00. As they get older they are going to be later and later. Now they don't go to sleep sometimes until 11:00. 

In the past wife and I would put the kids down, grab a glass of wine and hang out, chat, watch tv, and ultimately it would lead to some good sex! 

With them going to bed so late, there is no time for us anymore. We have tried to make them go in their rooms etc. and they do but they can't physically fall asleep. We don't usually close the door in our bedroom. (At least until after they are sleeping)

Last night- we thought they were sleeping. I closed and locked our bedroom door and two minutes later KNock KNock.. Mommy snuggle me.... uggg..

at that point I was frustrated and went to bed. How do I get some me time??


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Stay where you're at, keep the door shut and yell go to bed.....that's what me and my H do with our 8 and 4 year olds, or else we would never get alone time haha....those kids can be in bed by 9:00 but they will not fall asleep sometimes until 11!!!!!


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## avalon22 (Oct 10, 2010)

GreenEyes said:


> Stay where you're at, keep the door shut and yell go to bed.....that's what me and my H do with our 8 and 4 year olds, or else we would never get alone time haha....those kids can be in bed by 9:00 but they will not fall asleep sometimes until 11!!!!!


Sounds good except my 13 year old and 10 year old would get what is gong on.... we would be embarrassed. I am sure one of them would yell out what are you guys doing it?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

avalon22 said:


> Sounds good except my 13 year old and 10 year old would get what is gong on.... we would be embarrassed. I am sure one of them would yell out what are you guys doing it?


If they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to hear "yes." Answer truthfully once and I doubt they'd ever ask again and would learn to respect that night time is YOUR time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

LOL me and my H would laugh, we're just like that I guess, it may kill the mood but it would be hilarious....I recently found out that every time my mom and dad were going in their room to look at the Christmas catalog, that's not what they were doing...how freakin naive was I, I wasn't that young when they did that!!!! hahaha


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

stritle said:


> other day 7 year old son asked why was mommy crying lol.


:rofl: I love that....my son (4 years) gets super jealous whenever I kiss my husband or give him a hug...the other night we had the door shut doin our thing and our son knocks on the door and asks what we are doing and then yells "Mom you better not be kissing dad!!!" hahahaha We laughed about that for a bit


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> If they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to hear "yes." Answer truthfully once and I doubt they'd ever ask again and would learn to respect that night time is YOUR time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Our 11 year old's bedtime is 10PM on school nights & 11PM on weekends/holidays.

She goes to bed at 10 and if she can`t sleep she`s been told to either read or watch a movie in bed.
She`s usually out within an hour after getting in bed.

My advice is to put them to bed earlier (10?) tell them to remain in bed and shut your door.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

It does not get any easier. Thank god my kids fall asleep when thier heads hit the pillow.

There is always early morning sex or sneaking into the bathroom when your wife is taking a shower.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

stritle said:


> lol
> 4 year old daughter tries to wedge herself in between us when i give my wife a hug.
> 
> must be that age.
> ...


Seriously haha it's too funny, because it's like you know what you're doing and you know they have no clue...they are so innocent at this age and it's cute and sometimes funny, and they are _so_ serious haha......nothing wrong with being loud, my favorite time is when they kids stay the night somewhere and we are free to be as loud as we want!!!


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## avalon22 (Oct 10, 2010)

All good conversation... The morning sex does not work. 13 year old is at the bus stop before 7 am. Really tough stage..


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

We find our me time during the evening. Our kids are 17, 10 and 8. The two younger ones are easily entertained with each other. The oldest is usually texting. Sometimes we get a knock on the door or they try to open it. I tell the kids I'll be out in a few minutes. Only once or twice did it kinda kill the mood. We snuggle afterwards.

I go to bed with the kids or before. I'm up usually every hour changing my position or switching sleeping spots, I have a neck/spine injury.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You need to become more creative with the 'us' time.

We're just now at the stage where we're able to reclaim some alone time. Two of our three have moved out (the second just today!!!), and it's getting more frequent that we have evenings alone, what with them having jobs and friends and stuff.

A few things we've done: when we both get home from work, tell the kids to cook themselves dinner, say you're going to have a shower, and go upstairs and lock the door and do it. Weekend mornings are always about the sex - as they get older they sleep in longer and longer. Middle of the night sex is good too. And of course date nights - going and parking like teenagers is fun 

You just have to think outside the bedroom a bit.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

We're not there yet, our kids are 3 and they still have an 8 pm bedtime, but this make me remember when I was a kid... Parents don't have sex!!!! Ewwww. LOL, I really thought that growing up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My 3 year old goes to bed at 7:30. I think she plays for a bit in her room though.

Our twelve year old is in bed by 8:30 but reads until 9.

11 is so late! As a teacher, I feel bad for kids who don't get enough sleep--- they fall asleep in class 

Set a bed time and stick to it. 8:30 for the youngins, 9 for the older ones.

Like you, my Hubs and I hang out when the kids go to bed. I love that time together.

As far as sex goes...lol...we just go and lock the door for a quicky sometimes. By the time they realize we're missing, we're already done


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

My 4 year olds get into their room by 8pm and not allowed to come out even if they can't sleep. But most of the time they'll fall asleep by 8.30pm.

As they get older it will be hard to go to bed earlier. 

I will do the following if I were you:

Call for family meeting and tell children that we are all going to bed early from tomorrow as we are all not getting enough sleep and that its not good for health. 
Set a agreeable time to bid good night (let children have a say here but make sure they get enough sleep for their age)
Tell them they can only knock at our door if there is some emergency or problem. 
Teach them alternative ways to keep them engaged in their room if they can't fall asleep immediately eg. reading 
Do not allow children sleep longer in the morning as this will push their bed time later. 
Try to keep sex as quiet as possible
It may not work immediately but will work if you are firm and consistent.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

avalon22 said:


> My kids are 13, 10 and 7. They used to all be to sleep by 9:30 or 10:00. As they get older they are going to be later and later. Now they don't go to sleep sometimes until 11:00.
> 
> In the past wife and I would put the kids down, grab a glass of wine and hang out, chat, watch tv, and ultimately it would lead to some good sex!
> 
> ...


 I have 6 kids, my youngest is 4, there is nothing that would stop me from having ME time with my husband --NOTHING. Gotta make time for lovin'. I'd be the 1st to clue them in....when our bedroom door is shut, you don't come knocking or calling unless it is an emergency. I would even hang a "Do not disturb or consequences will result" sign -if I had one . Ha ha 

In our past, I was stupid enough to allow babies to sleep in our bed, little kids to crash in our room, our bedroom door was ALWAYS & forever open, my husband was too passive to stop this. He never complained or said anything but he wanted alot more US time. 


Once I got a clue of my raging sex drive, that was the end of that. I've never cared when my kids go to bed, I am pretty lenient, so long as their grades are good & they don't give me trouble getting up, I leave them be - none of this has been a problem for my kids. In our house, noone seems to need much sleep, if I sent them to bed too early, they would be up at 4:am . My 2 in high school are constantly complaining cause their elementary siblings are up when they are getting ready for school or even before. They hate it. 

I agree with getting CREATIVE about when to make time. For a time, I would jump anytime my husband was able, sometimes I would send him to bed early, so we could set the alarm an hour before he had to get up, even 2 hours before. Whatever works!! Our sex lives , that bonding time, is just too important. He would also allow me to wake him up in the middle of the night .

Yeah, we should keep the sex quiet, but that is one of the reasons to allow the kids to stay up a little later in the TV room, or wherever - so they have their own NOISE making activites to occupy them -while you slip away , shut that door & have some FUN .

This is about getting your kids to honor your shut DOOR ! Heck, we even unplug the phone while we are at it.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

As they are used to a bedtime of 10 or 11pm it would be hard for them to return to earlier betimes. But our kids are 12, 9, and 5. 5yo in bed between 7 and 8pm. 12 and 9yo in their rooms reading by 8, lights out no later than 9pm. No tv or computers in any bedrooms. DW and I need those few hours in the evening to decompress and talk. I know the time will come soon enough when we'll be in bed before the kids.

Depending on your home setup you could watch tv and talk in your bedroom or have the kids play in theirs until bedtime. We have a family room on the 1st floor and a finished basement so in the future when the wife and I are up in the evenings with the older kids we'd still have our own space.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

that is extremlely late for the kids to be going to bed.

If you and Mom are united, the kids will go to bed when you decide, and won't come knocking on the door unless it's an emergency.

And this is a serious issue, you need to press this with your wife.


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## KenCasanova (Jan 3, 2012)

Yeah waayyyyy too late lol.

My brother's kids are around the same age and in bed by 8.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree... that's way too late for kids to be getting to bed.

So some googling on bed time routines for kids. There should be no TV or computer after about 7pm... these things make a person stay up later. Warm baths, a cup of sleepy time tea. then right to bed. Their bed times can be changed. It might take a while. Each week or two roll back their bed time by 15 minutes until they are in bed by 9pm. If they cannot fall asleep they can read.


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## jules_999 (Dec 31, 2011)

I have been married for 15+ years, have children and yet have managed to enjoy a robust sex life.

My wife and I have an agreement that if either one of us is feeling the need, and we happen to wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, then we come back and go for it.

Maybe not the most romantic time of day, but the children are assuredly fast asleep, and having sex in middle of night gives wife and I opportunity to go back to sleep.

We also take the opportunity to have sex just about every time all kids are out of the house.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I'm with you it sounds like this just started happening with you guys!! It really does get better you start having a bedtime and yes there will be resistance at first, but they will get over it. 

Ours isn't in stone, but normally around 830-930 it's time to head upstairs. We close and LOCK the door!!! I don't why you would ever risk leaving it opened EVER!!

Sometimes you get the knock and it may ruin it for the night.....maybe your wife will be understanding like mine and try to get back in the mood or finish you off if she can't get back in the mood.

It's hard, but no reason you still can't have a 2-4 night a week sex life assuming you are both home


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