# Struggling with my husband's diagnosis



## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

Hello new friends and thank you for taking the time to read. After struggling with depression and many other issues for most of his life, two years ago my husband, Jake, finally got a diagnosis for all his mental health struggles. It only took a massive manic episode and a 3 month stay in the hospital, but at least now we have a name for what he is dealing with and doctors who know what the medication protocol is. We've been married for 6 years and together for about 11, and we've always known Jake has struggled with depression, and now he's been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Honestly the diagnosis comes as a relief to me and his mother, it explains a lot of Jake's mood swings and other behaviors that were out of the realm of just depression. Jake though, is not taking it well at all. He's been trying hard to find his new normal with all the medications he is on, and sometimes he can go weeks and even months feeling good and being back to "normal Jake". Other times he is worse than when he was first diagnosed. The meds make him tired all the time, and he has gained SO MUCH weight these past two years. He's always been a big guy, but now at 6 foot 5 he's over 450 pounds. He won't tell me exactly what he weighs now, but I know he gained more because he went up another pants size. I am powerless to keep his appetite and eating at bay, I cook healthy and watch his portions while he is at home, but I know he is binging fast food all day at work. We've talked about possibly changing up his meds again, but that would be the 4th med change and every time we mess with his meds he goes a little manic for a few weeks.
He is a wonderful father and husband. He works hard for our family and always tries to be present and engaged with the kids. I love him with all my heart and it just breaks me to see him struggling so bad. Anyone else with a SO with mental health issues, what things do you find to be helpful and supportive? I guess I'm just looking for any advice and support I can get. I don't every bring up his weight negatively, he's well aware he's way too heavy and I know his weight gain is from all the meds. The mood swings are tough to deal with sometimes. He can go from being happy, talkative and engaged, to distant and cold so fast. It's like whiplash. These entire past 2 years have been whiplash honestly.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

OP, my heart goes out to you. I’m going through the same thing with my son. A serious mental health diagnosis is traumatic for the family and, of course, even more so for the the one who is ill.
if you haven’t done so yet, reach out to NAMI. Find a local chapter that has patient and family support groups and workshops. If your H and you aren’t seeing a therapist regularly, that needs to be a priority.
I’ll post more tomorrow, not much time right now. It’s a tough road but there are good resources out there.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

SarahHogan19 said:


> I don't every bring up his weight negatively, he's well aware he's way too heavy and I know his weight gain is from all the meds. The mood swings are tough to deal with sometimes.


To be honest, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. It's a really tough condition to deal with. 

I agree with what @blahfridge said too


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I was forced against my will on depression meds when I was a kid, turned into a whale just like your husband. Threw them all out 2 weeks before I hit 18 and dropped off the weight in the next few years. Keep hearing the meds they have nowadays are better but the same thing seems to happen to most who go on them now. 

This opinion will probably be unpopular but I would recommend getting him off the meds and starting to take a much harder line with him. If he stays 400-500 pounds he's going to die of a heart attack within a decade. Not to mention the psychological beating you take on a daily basis being that heavy. The looks people give you, everything. It's not doing him any good.

Its also a big misconception that people who suffer with depression and other disorders can't always help it. Most, given the right social stimulus, can. If he knows you're going to walk out the door the next time he has a mood swing and is nasty that could have a huge influence on him. But knowing you're going to stay and just say he needs his meds adjusted no matter what he does gives him no real motivation to try. 

Bottom line, there may be nothing you can do. You could start coming down on him harder and it would do no good. But I know there are days the only reason I didn't just lay in bed all day was because my wife wouldn't put up with it. And I know several other people who only made the effort because they didn't want to lose the people they cared about.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

gaius said:


> I was forced against my will on depression meds when I was a kid, turned into a whale just like your husband. Threw them all out 2 weeks before I hit 18 and dropped off the weight in the next few years. Keep hearing the meds they have nowadays are better but the same thing seems to happen to most who go on them now.
> 
> This opinion will probably be unpopular but I would recommend getting him off the meds and starting to take a much harder line with him. If he stays 400-500 pounds he's going to die of a heart attack within a decade. Not to mention the psychological beating you take on a daily basis being that heavy. The looks people give you, everything. It's not doing him any good.
> 
> ...


Thankfully there are many such drugs that dont make you put on weight. Plus many can't help it. It's an illness in many cases. It's like saying that people with cancer can help it and it's their fault. 
There has been a lot of mental illness on mums side of the family, several on some sort of medication(no weight gain) and 2 suicides. Believe me they were ill. Very ill. 
Not talking specifically about the OP's situation but just what you said.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Thankfully there are many such drugs that dont make you put on weight. Plus many can't help it. It's an illness in many cases. It's like saying that people with cancer can help it and it's their fault.
> There has been a lot of mental illness on mums side of the family, several on some sort of medication(no weight gain) and 2 suicides. Believe me they were ill. Very ill.
> Not talking specifically about the OP's situation but just what you said.


Yeah, and I said there are times where there's nothing you can do. 

But people have a habit of slapping a "mentally ill" label on others and taking any and all responsibility off them. When in reality many have struggled and learned of ways to cope without meds.

However she wants to handle this is up to her, she knows her husband better than I do. But if the solution is causing him to be a few bags of potato chips away from starring on my 600 pound life then it's no real solution.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If you are going to change his meds, it should be done in the hospital. For my wife that has typically been in the 3-4 week range (once we knew what works for her and what doesn't, prior to that it was much longer). I know some people are closer to 10 days, for some it is longer. It all depends on how their body reacts. If he reacts that poorly then he really should be properly supervised. He should also be seeing a psychiatrist regularly, not just when things go awry. A psychiatrist can often catch things before it gets too bad, if the patient cooperates in and out of session (at home mood journal, etc).

Like said by others, if he's not in therapy he definitely needs to be. You also need it, and you will probably need it as a couple as well. I don't know any couples who are doing well without individual and marital counseling when dealing with mental illness.

There are online support groups for those who have a mentally ill spouse but I'd honestly stay away from them. They tend to be full of people doing nothing but complaining and venting - which is necessary at times for sure but it's just a very negative place to be. 

It sounds like you are doing everything you should be doing. The big things are accepting his limits and your own, having open communication, being patient with him and yourself, loving him and yourself, being understanding of him and yourself, reducing stress for him and yourself, and learning what triggers episodes for him.

That last one is very important. It's often a series of events like being stressed or overwhelmed, that causing a lack of sleep, that causing low energy to do things that help mental health, etc. If he struggles with medication compliance, there are injectable meds that may be a better option. You can also sit down with him and write down reasons why he should stay on his meds. And while that may not work, it certainly doesn't hurt and may help him get back on the meds sooner.

I'm pretty useless on the weight gain issue. My wife has the opposite problem. It certainly could be partly caused by the medications but it sounds like it's more psychological. He may be using food as an emotional crutch. I'd start with therapy before changing his meds because if those issues aren't resolved new meds really won't help.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

gaius said:


> I was forced against my will on depression meds when I was a kid, turned into a whale just like your husband. Threw them all out 2 weeks before I hit 18 and dropped off the weight in the next few years. Keep hearing the meds they have nowadays are better but the same thing seems to happen to most who go on them now.
> 
> This opinion will probably be unpopular but I would recommend getting him off the meds and starting to take a much harder line with him. If he stays 400-500 pounds he's going to die of a heart attack within a decade. Not to mention the psychological beating you take on a daily basis being that heavy. The looks people give you, everything. It's not doing him any good.
> 
> ...


There are things he can do to avoid episodes, but it's not foolproof. There are things he can do to improve his life but that's easier said than done when severely mentally ill. However... 

He cannot will himself out of manic episodes, delusions, or hallucinations anymore than you can will yourself to grow a second head.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

@bobert She never said he had hallucinations directly and his condition doesn't always include them. And honestly, if it was a choice between him having manic episodes or being 500 pounds, I'd find a way to cope with the manic episodes, and encourage him to cope with them the best he could. Or leave if I couldn't deal with it. Because him being that heavy is a death sentence.

And that's my opinion and I'll leave it at that.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

gaius said:


> @bobert She never said he had hallucinations directly and his condition doesn't always include them. And honestly, if it was a choice between him having manic episodes or being 500 pounds, I'd find a way to cope with the manic episodes, and encourage him to cope with them the best he could. Or leave if I couldn't deal with it. Because him being that heavy is a death sentence.
> 
> And that's my opinion and I'll leave it at that.


She also didn't say that he _doesn't _have them, or delusions, and you're still suggesting he just go off his meds. That's the last thing someone with his diagnosis should be doing. 

Suggesting that even a bipolar person just "rides out" the mania is unbelievably stupid. Do you even know what manic episodes can look like? How dangerous they can be? How destructive they can be to not only their life but the family as well? That manic episodes can include hallucinations and delusions? How ****ing dangerous it is for manic episodes to be left untreated?

Hell, suggesting that someone "just" suffering from depression goes off their meds is also a life-threatening suggestion.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

@bobert , there's a real sensitive, cult like attitude around medication with a lot of people, which I understand, but there is nothing in the original post that suggests this guy is suicidal. Depression doesn't always mean he's trying to slit his wrists every 5 seconds and if he was trying to commit suicide he would have likely already been diagnosed with something before this. He was off meds for years. So please don't suggest him deciding to go off meds now under the supervision of a doctor will somehow kill him. You're doing exactly what I'm talking about, throwing the mentally ill label on him and just assuming. And it's just not true.

But what's absolutely guaranteed to kill him is morbid obesity. And that's honestly my last comment in this thread. Because I don't want to hijack this into a overall debate over medication. I hope she has a discussion with her husband, his doctors and figures out the best course of action. But just know that meds are not it every single time.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

gaius said:


> @bobert , there's a real sensitive, cult like attitude around medication with a lot of people, which I understand, but there is nothing in the original post that suggests this guy is suicidal. Depression doesn't always mean he's trying to slit his wrists every 5 seconds and if he was trying to commit suicide he would have likely already been diagnosed with something before this. So please don't suggest him deciding to go off meds now under the supervision of a doctor will somehow kill him. You're doing exactly what I'm talking about, throwing the mentally ill label on him and just assuming. And it's just not true.
> 
> But what's absolutely guaranteed to kill him is morbid obesity. And that's honestly my last comment in this thread. Because I don't want to hijack this into a overall debate over medication. I hope she has a discussion with her husband, his doctors and figures out the best course of action. But just know that meds are not it every single time.


People who are suicidal can go years or decades before being diagnosed. Why? Because a person can have suicidal ideation without "trying to slit their wrists every five seconds" or even attempting. 

Regardless, I didn't say that he is suicidal, we don't know. You are making assumptions left and right. I didn't say that he would go off and kill himself. I said it is a life-threatening suggestion - which is true. 

I also didn't "throw a mentally ill label on him". He was in a psychiatric hospital for three months. Enough said.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

gaius said:


> Yeah, and I said there are times where there's nothing you can do.
> 
> But people have a habit of slapping a "mentally ill" label on others and taking any and all responsibility off them. When in reality many have struggled and learned of ways to cope without meds.
> 
> However she wants to handle this is up to her, she knows her husband better than I do. But if the solution is causing him to be a few bags of potato chips away from starring on my 600 pound life then it's no real solution.


Yes I do get what you are saying, the mentally ill label is definitely used far too readily these days. It's demeaning for those who truly are very ill. 

His weight situation is very troubling of course. Over 450'lbs is very large and very dangerous for him.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

gaius said:


> @bobert , there's a real sensitive, cult like attitude around medication with a lot of people, which I understand, but there is nothing in the original post that suggests this guy is suicidal. Depression doesn't always mean he's trying to slit his wrists every 5 seconds and if he was trying to commit suicide he would have likely already been diagnosed with something before this. He was off meds for years. So please don't suggest him deciding to go off meds now under the supervision of a doctor will somehow kill him. You're doing exactly what I'm talking about, throwing the mentally ill label on him and just assuming. And it's just not true.
> 
> But what's absolutely guaranteed to kill him is morbid obesity. And that's honestly my last comment in this thread. Because I don't want to hijack this into a overall debate over medication. I hope she has a discussion with her husband, his doctors and figures out the best course of action. But just know that meds are not it every single time.


Her H has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which is a mood and thought disorder: bipolar 1 + schizophrenia. When in the throes of a manic and/or psychotic episode, the person does not understand that they are ill and the effect is devastating. Lost jobs, destroyed relationships, suicide, repeated hospitalizations, and homelessness.
Oftentimes, patients will try to self-medicate with illicit drugs and alcohol. Both can and do trigger mania, delusions, and hallucinations. The ONLY successful treatment for schizoaffective is prescribed medication and therapy combined. The meds do have health consequences, but as a doctor once told me, the illness is much worse. Therapy is important because it helps the patient have insight into their illness so they learn to recognize the signs of decompression and take steps to minimize symptom onset. Therapy also helps with stress reduction (a big trigger for an episode), and lifestyle changes such as health eating and exercise.
The OP's husband can have a full, meaningful life if he continues to follow his treatment plan. To suggest that this does not have to include medication is irresponsible and dangerous.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

gaius said:


> This opinion will probably be unpopular but I would recommend getting him off the meds and starting to take a much harder line with him. If he stays 400-500 pounds he's going to die of a heart attack within a decade. Not to mention the psychological beating you take on a daily basis being that heavy. The looks people give you, everything. It's not doing him any good.
> 
> Its also a big misconception that people who suffer with depression and other disorders can't always help it. Most, given the right social stimulus, can. If he knows you're going to walk out the door the next time he has a mood swing and is nasty that could have a huge influence on him. But knowing you're going to stay and just say he needs his meds adjusted no matter what he does gives him no real motivation to try.


I feel like this is shockingly horrible advice. To me, this is about as bad as telling a diabetic with low sugar to just man up and finish running a marathon.

I agree that mental illness can range from very mild cases that can be treated with herbs to very severe cases that require sedation and restraints. For him to spend that long in a mental health hospital suggests he has severe issues.

I would suggest a new team of doctors to evaluate him. Also check vitamin and hormone levels. His weight gain is a huge concern. See if there is anything they can add or change to combat the weight gain. I can understand at his size traditional exercise can be very painful. Maybe try aquatic exercises which will take the weight off the joints and allow a lot more flexibility. He also may find he really enjoys swimming.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

Okay, he IS suicidal. The manic episode that lead to his diagnosis two years ago, he did attempt suicide. That was the very first time he actually took action and attempted. He does not have hallucinations, but his manic episodes are UNCONTROLLABLE. He’s an ex football player, he’s been big and heavy his whole life. He’s not lazy out of shape fat. Yes he’s gained another 100+ pounds since his football days, but he’s still a force to be reckoned with. Trying to get any kind of control of him when he’s in the throes of a manic episode is like wrestling a grizzly bear. He absolutely cannot come off of any of his medications, he tries to do very bad things when we’ve lowered or tried to cut out certain medications in the past. Right now he’s on a mood stabilizer, a anti-psychotic, an anxiety medication, and 2 antidepressants. This cocktail is working very well to control the mania, he hasn’t had an episode in over 6 months.
He sees his psychiatrist weekly and he’s in therapy every other week. I will definitely look into getting us into therapy together, I think that would be very beneficial.
And yes, I am extremely concerned about his weight. He is 6 foot 5 and last time I saw him on the scale he was in the 450’s and he’s gone up another pants size since then, so I’m guessing he gained at least another 20 pounds. He won’t tell me. But, like I said, he’s an ex football player, he was already over 300 lbs when we started dating. So it’s not like he went from being 180 to 450 in a year. His body is used to being heavy. Yes I KNOW that is no excuse for the weight he has gained recently, but right now I have to pick my battles. Does he risk dying of a heart attack in the next decade because he’s so heavy, yes. But if I take him off all his meds and get him to drop all the weight he’s gained, I risk losing him to suicide within the year. I’d rather have him heavy and alive with me and our children.
He was in for a full physical and bloodwork just a few months ago. He’s not even pre diabetic. His cholesterol is slightly high, his liver is fine. He doesn’t have sleep apnea. He passed his cardiac stress test. Relatively, he is still healthy right now. He’s active and mobile, sure he struggles to keep up with the kids, but we have 3 kids under 10. He’s not going to be running any marathons, but he’s not out of breath or struggling to do basic tasks.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

SarahHogan19 said:


> Okay, he IS suicidal. The manic episode that lead to his diagnosis two years ago, he did attempt suicide. That was the very first time he actually took action and attempted. He does not have hallucinations, but his manic episodes are UNCONTROLLABLE. He’s an ex football player, he’s been big and heavy his whole life. He’s not lazy out of shape fat. Yes he’s gained another 100+ pounds since his football days, but he’s still a force to be reckoned with. Trying to get any kind of control of him when he’s in the throes of a manic episode is like wrestling a grizzly bear. He absolutely cannot come off of any of his medications, he tries to do very bad things when we’ve lowered or tried to cut out certain medications in the past. Right now he’s on a mood stabilizer, a anti-psychotic, an anxiety medication, and 2 antidepressants. This cocktail is working very well to control the mania, he hasn’t had an episode in over 6 months.
> He sees his psychiatrist weekly and he’s in therapy every other week. I will definitely look into getting us into therapy together, I think that would be very beneficial.
> And yes, I am extremely concerned about his weight. He is 6 foot 5 and last time I saw him on the scale he was in the 450’s and he’s gone up another pants size since then, so I’m guessing he gained at least another 20 pounds. He won’t tell me. But, like I said, he’s an ex football player, he was already over 300 lbs when we started dating. So it’s not like he went from being 180 to 450 in a year. His body is used to being heavy. Yes I KNOW that is no excuse for the weight he has gained recently, but right now I have to pick my battles. Does he risk dying of a heart attack in the next decade because he’s so heavy, yes. But if I take him off all his meds and get him to drop all the weight he’s gained, I risk losing him to suicide within the year. I’d rather have him heavy and alive with me and our children.
> He was in for a full physical and bloodwork just a few months ago. He’s not even pre diabetic. His cholesterol is slightly high, his liver is fine. He doesn’t have sleep apnea. He passed his cardiac stress test. Relatively, he is still healthy right now. He’s active and mobile, sure he struggles to keep up with the kids, but we have 3 kids under 10. He’s not going to be running any marathons, but he’s not out of breath or struggling to do basic tasks.


How long did he play football? And are we talking NFL? Did he take a lot of hard hits to the head and receive concussions?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SarahHogan19 said:


> Okay, he IS suicidal. The manic episode that lead to his diagnosis two years ago, he did attempt suicide. That was the very first time he actually took action and attempted. He does not have hallucinations, but his manic episodes are UNCONTROLLABLE. He’s an ex football player, he’s been big and heavy his whole life. He’s not lazy out of shape fat. Yes he’s gained another 100+ pounds since his football days, but he’s still a force to be reckoned with. Trying to get any kind of control of him when he’s in the throes of a manic episode is like wrestling a grizzly bear. He absolutely cannot come off of any of his medications, he tries to do very bad things when we’ve lowered or tried to cut out certain medications in the past. Right now he’s on a mood stabilizer, a anti-psychotic, an anxiety medication, and 2 antidepressants. This cocktail is working very well to control the mania, he hasn’t had an episode in over 6 months.
> He sees his psychiatrist weekly and he’s in therapy every other week. I will definitely look into getting us into therapy together, I think that would be very beneficial.
> And yes, I am extremely concerned about his weight. He is 6 foot 5 and last time I saw him on the scale he was in the 450’s and he’s gone up another pants size since then, so I’m guessing he gained at least another 20 pounds. He won’t tell me. But, like I said, he’s an ex football player, he was already over 300 lbs when we started dating. So it’s not like he went from being 180 to 450 in a year. His body is used to being heavy. Yes I KNOW that is no excuse for the weight he has gained recently, but right now I have to pick my battles. Does he risk dying of a heart attack in the next decade because he’s so heavy, yes. But if I take him off all his meds and get him to drop all the weight he’s gained, I risk losing him to suicide within the year. I’d rather have him heavy and alive with me and our children.
> He was in for a full physical and bloodwork just a few months ago. He’s not even pre diabetic. His cholesterol is slightly high, his liver is fine. He doesn’t have sleep apnea. He passed his cardiac stress test. Relatively, he is still healthy right now. He’s active and mobile, sure he struggles to keep up with the kids, but we have 3 kids under 10. He’s not going to be running any marathons, but he’s not out of breath or struggling to do basic tasks.


You say he eats loads of unhealthy food at work so the weight gain well be that rather than any medication.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

No not NFL, just all through middle school, high school, and college. And yes he got hit hard a couple times and has had 2 concussions that we know of.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

The medications are making his appetite crazy though. How am I supposed to control what he eats while he’s at work? Besides taking his cards away and giving him an allowance, but that feels like I’m belittling him and I don’t want him to feel like that. I already make his lunch and send it with him.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

SarahHogan19 said:


> The medications are making his appetite crazy though. How am I supposed to control what he eats while he’s at work? Besides taking his cards away and giving him an allowance, but that feels like I’m belittling him and I don’t want him to feel like that. I already make his lunch and send it with him.


You cannot control what he eats at work, unless he wants you to. If you have a conversation and he agrees that you controlling his card(s) is the right choice, then that's different.

Is he eating the fast food instead of his packed lunch, or in addition to? If in addition too, can you send him with more food? High protein, snacky crunchy stuff (like veggies), whatever type of food he's craving just in a healthier version? Drinking lots of water may also help with the appetite. 

Can the two of you talk to his therapist or psychiatrist about getting him into a weight loss program? They are commonly used with people on these sorts of meds so both his therapist and psychiatrist should have ideas. The rest of the people in the group/program would be in the same boat.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

SarahHogan19 said:


> No not NFL, just all through middle school, high school, and college. And yes he got hit hard a couple times and has had 2 concussions that we know of.


Have you heard of the condition called CTE? It typically happens to football players, and boxers who have taken multiple shots to the head along with concussions. His symptoms match the symptoms of CTE.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

bobert said:


> You cannot control what he eats at work, unless he wants you to. If you have a conversation and he agrees that you controlling his card(s) is the right choice, then that's different.
> 
> Is he eating the fast food instead of his packed lunch, or in addition to? If in addition too, can you send him with more food? High protein, snacky crunchy stuff (like veggies), whatever type of food he's craving just in a healthier version? Drinking lots of water may also help with the appetite.
> 
> Can the two of you talk to his therapist or psychiatrist about getting him into a weight loss program? They are commonly used with people on these sorts of meds so both his therapist and psychiatrist should have ideas. The rest of the people in the group/program would be in the same boat.


He eats everything. The lunch I send with him plus fast food at least twice while he’s at work. I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy, but yes I have tried to send healthy snacks and correct portions for him to have choices during the day. He eats everything and still goes looking for more. That’s another reason why I need to start going to therapy with him, I don’t always get an accurate replay about what they discussed in therapy and what “homework” or what not he might have. The therapist could have very well brought up a diet and weight loss program several times, and Jake just ignores it. I’ve got to start trying some things before he’s over 500 pounds and starts to really have problems.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Have you heard of the condition called CTE? It typically happens to football players, and boxers who have taken multiple shots to the head along with concussions. His symptoms match the symptoms of CTE.


Oh my gosh, that does sound a lot like him. Lord knows he’s been hit in the head enough times. I’ll have to bring this up with his psychiatrist.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

SarahHogan19 said:


> He eats everything. The lunch I send with him plus fast food at least twice while he’s at work. I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy, but yes I have tried to send healthy snacks and correct portions for him to have choices during the day. He eats everything and still goes looking for more. That’s another reason why I need to start going to therapy with him, I don’t always get an accurate replay about what they discussed in therapy and what “homework” or what not he might have. The therapist could have very well brought up a diet and weight loss program several times, and Jake just ignores it. I’ve got to start trying some things before he’s over 500 pounds and starts to really have problems.


I'd definitely suggest going with him to some of his therapy appointments. I wouldn't go every single time/for the whole session, but it's definitely useful to join him at times.

You can't exercise away a bad diet but is exercise something you are able to encourage? Walks with the family, taking the kids swimming, joining a men's sports team (preferably non-contact), etc?


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

SarahHogan19 said:


> Oh my gosh, that does sound a lot like him. Lord knows he’s been hit in the head enough times. I’ll have to bring this up with his psychiatrist.


Also for his excessive eating, what about a gastric balloon in the stomach? That should help him to feel full much faster.

I am not a doctor but maybe low dose amphetamines as well? They are notorious for curbing appetite, increasing energy along with serotonin which helps mood ..... I absolutely do not know how it would mix with his existing meds, but it's worth bringing up.

Also how are his testosterone levels? Low testosterone will really affect mood, sex drive, cognitive function, and mental health.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

SarahHogan19 said:


> He eats everything. The lunch I send with him plus fast food at least twice while he’s at work. I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy, but yes I have tried to send healthy snacks and correct portions for him to have choices during the day. He eats everything and still goes looking for more. That’s another reason why I need to start going to therapy with him, I don’t always get an accurate replay about what they discussed in therapy and what “homework” or what not he might have. The therapist could have very well brought up a diet and weight loss program several times, and Jake just ignores it. I’ve got to start trying some things before he’s over 500 pounds and starts to really have problems.


I know it can be destabilizing at first when switching meds, but some of the newer 2nd generation antipsychotics do not cause as much weigh gain. That’s something he could try if his doctor agrees.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

bobert said:


> I'd definitely suggest going with him to some of his therapy appointments. I wouldn't go every single time/for the whole session, but it's definitely useful to join him at times.
> 
> You can't exercise away a bad diet but is exercise something you are able to encourage? Walks with the family, taking the kids swimming, joining a men's sports team (preferably non-contact), etc?


Oh yeah, he’s not against exercising. He walks the dog with the kids in the evening, kicks around a soccer ball with them. Once it gets a little warmer we are always at the pool or the lake. I don’t know if I could convince him to join a organized sports team right now just because he is so heavy and slow. But he’ll pretty much do anything I ask him to, guess I have got to start getting us all out to the park more often!


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

SarahHogan19 said:


> Oh yeah, he’s not against exercising. He walks the dog with the kids in the evening, kicks around a soccer ball with them. Once it gets a little warmer we are always at the pool or the lake. I don’t know if I could convince him to join a organized sports team right now just because he is so heavy and slow. But he’ll pretty much do anything I ask him to, guess I have got to start getting us all out to the park more often!


It's really heartwarming to see how much you care about him and are trying to do anything and everything you can. He is definitely a lucky guy to have someone like you in his life.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Also for his excessive eating, what about a gastric balloon in the stomach? That should help him to feel full much faster.
> 
> I am not a doctor but maybe low dose amphetamines as well? They are notorious for curbing appetite, increasing energy along with serotonin which helps mood ..... I absolutely do not know how it would mix with his existing meds, but it's worth bringing up.
> 
> Also how are his testosterone levels? Low testosterone will really affect mood, sex drive, cognitive function, and mental health.


He is absolutely 100% against gastric bypass or any kind of surgery on his stomach. He just flat out says no. 
I’ll ask about a low dose amphetamine but that may counter act with the mood stabilizer he’s on. Don’t know though.
Testosterone levels were low when he had his hospitalization episode, they’ve been corrected and are now normal.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> It's really heartwarming to see how much you care about him and are trying to do anything and everything you can. He is definitely a lucky guy to have someone like you in his life.


He’s had his struggles, but at the end of the day he’s an amazing man who has such a big kind heart. He’s a great partner and a fantastic father. I couldn’t imagine not supporting him. I love him so freakin much! He just needs a little help to get over this hump in his life, and I’ll be there for him every step of the way.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

SarahHogan19 said:


> He is absolutely 100% against gastric bypass or any kind of surgery on his stomach. He just flat out says no.
> I’ll ask about a low dose amphetamine but that may counter act with the mood stabilizer he’s on. Don’t know though.
> Testosterone levels were low when he had his hospitalization episode, they’ve been corrected and are now normal.


I know I am asking a lot of questions. But what were his levels? A lot of doctors will say a level of 200 is normal which is garbage. Low testosterone causes depression, anxiety, and mood swings.

Ideally, his levels should be at least 550-600


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

I just wanted to chime in and say that people who have never taken an antidepressant that cause weight gain really cannot understand the eating problem. I am taking a very low dose of an antidepressant because it well known to help with nerve pain. The dose I am taking is way below the dose that would be prescribed for use in depression. Before I could even realize it was happening, I gained 20 pounds just like poof- here they are 20 pounds in less than 4 weeks!
Dr. Asked me why/how I thought RX made me gain weight. And I tried to explain it made me feel compulsive about eating. 
I think it will just have to be a matter of him recognizing what the med is doing to him weight wise and decide he’s not having it. Meaning he will just have to decide on his own that he will stick to a good diet no matter how he feels. Very hard and maybe his counselor can help him through it. I have been able to limit the weight gain to only 4 more pounds over the last 8 months but unable to lose any. Just stuck where I am but thankfully not continuing to gain. Again, the compulsiveness feeling is still there though and hard to contain.

Sorry OP for what you and husband are going through. Sounds incredibly difficult but also sounds like you are doing a good job taking care of him.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I know I am asking a lot of questions. But what were his levels? A lot of doctors will say a level of 200 is normal which is garbage. Low testosterone causes depression, anxiety, and mood swings.
> 
> Ideally, his levels should be at least 550-600


Last bloodwork he was at 375, which doctor said was normal?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

SarahHogan19 said:


> Last bloodwork he was at 375, which doctor said was normal?


My doctor wants to see 35-45 year old men close to 600 and 45-55 year old men around 550 (I can't recall your ages). Your husband's number is within the "normal" range, but the low end.


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## RedPanda19 (9 mo ago)

bobert said:


> My doctor wants to see 35-45 year old men close to 600 and 45-55 year old men around 550 (I can't recall your ages). Your husband's number is within the "normal" range, but the low end.


He’s 32. So maybe I need to talk to his doctor about getting his testosterone raised.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

SarahHogan19 said:


> He’s 32. So maybe I need to talk to his doctor about getting his testosterone raised.


At 32, his testosterone should ideally be at least 675. I have no doubt it's not as simple as adjusting testosterone. But it's no doubt part of the puzzle.


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