# A failed engagement



## A-Step-Towards (Feb 7, 2013)

I am new here. I joined after reading others stories and posted my own, its a strange one I suppose.

I formed a band about 2 years ago now with two buddies and some girl singer. She had just moved here from Israel and had been a band previously. I was about 20 almost 21 and she was 17 and turned 18 a few months later. Anyways 4 months after the band formed, she asked me what was wrong and I brushed it off-eventually I told her that I had a crush on her and she didn’t know how to respond and left in silence, letter she wrote me on face book stating she would like to go on a date.

We started dating soon after. She was a virgin and stated that was something she wanted to save for her husband so I didn’t push the issue. Eventually it happened and for months she talked about how we were 'married in god’s eyes" etc. Eventually we became engaged and really there was nothing wrong with the relationship ever, she actually bought me a ring right before she left to Israel. We pushed each other and I figured out her classes so instead of dropping out like she was going to , she graduated early. Our band dissolved when we lost our guitarist and a few months later she said she wanted to go back to Israel to see her sisters and spend time there. We talked on skype a lot, on the phone, etc. In April when she was suppose to return she told me her dad wanted her to stay tell August and if she left now she could only come back a month. I said stay and do as your father wishes. We still talked a ton, all the time; she said I love you, etc. Well by the end of June she told me , I have been faithful, I love you etc. In July she started talking to me less and less and finally July 28th she changed her facebook status to single. I had just gotten my passport and was going to spend 2-3 months there and be leaving here in August. I called and got no answer and messaged her over face book, what’s going on-to which she responded Its over and then didn’t reply to my next message for a week and simply said I just don’t want you anymore. I thought that was pretty cold and I was pissed and a week passed, I finally messaged her again. She said sorry I have met someone else and I don’t love you anymore, we are dating and in a relationship. If you want to come here, do so but I am not going to be with u-if you cant respect that then don’t come. 

I said there was no way i could see her and not be with her and everyday I would send her little messages. Weeks passed, months passed and she honestly wouldnt let me come. Finally in November she posted a photo of this guy in a album she had created called things I am in love with, in this Album there were photos of stuff we did and me, the ones of me were deleted. She then blocked me. I would sometimes message her and ask if I could have a chance etc, no replies came untill December 24th. She messaged me saying alot of nice stuff and it was a long message. As I read it I was relieved she finally realized our love, but towards the end she stated she was still with that guy and had sex with him. It was devastating, my christmas was very painful and I didnt message her back. A few weeks later she told me to come there, we would be friends and have adventures but I would have to realize she was with someone else, once again I said I cant do that, I cant look at her with no hope. We didnt talk anymore untill I sent her a message drunk I cant even remember sending. This was last week. She replied and said I am engaged, I am sorry. Your gifted, your talented , forgive yourself and move on. You can do so much, you were my gift and you deserve better. She then said she was blocking my emails and to move on.

I guess I just feel kind of crappy about it all. She told me girls that were with more then 1 guy were nasty and just a ton of stuff like that. She has 2 older sisters , 24 and 20 that still live at home as they cant even get good jobs over there, I know she was smart enough to get a really good degree here-I guess I just need to stop caring about her as its apparent she did about me. The hardest thing I heard from her was "if you would have came in June or if I never went to Israel , we would still be together". It makes me regret staying behind and getting my degree.

Its been about 6 1/2 months since we broke up and she is already with someone and engaged again. She is in another country and I know there is no way I could win her back and even if I did I would have to live there and well I couldnt survive there. I just graudated with my bachelors degree and I want to just move and be happy but this is dragging me down, I am 23 with no debt and a degree the world is open but I seem to be hung up. On 2/19/2013 it will have been 1 full year since she left for this "vacation" and I still feel like I am sitting where she left me while she has obviously moved on with a new band, fiance and job there.

Its weird knowing you wont ever have that person again and in my case ever see them again. I only dated one other girl for 4 months in my life and I guess i just feel I wont ever meet anyone again that will even want me.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

You are young. She sounds like a tramp that will do the same to this poor dolt. And if he didn't care that she was engaged, he deserves a boat load of karma. It hurts. It sucks, but the one thing she was right about is that you were gifted and talented. Make a new life for yourself. Focus on finding your happiness and forget this wench who can't decide where her loyalties lie.


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## A-Step-Towards (Feb 7, 2013)

Thats the hardest thing I guess is knowing this is who she was. She was the sweetest girl, talking cute, doing cute things and I overlooked so many things. So many emotionally damaging things , her poor communication and all the lying. The guy added her on facebook a week after we broke up, I am rather positive he knew she was with someone or literally just broke up with someone. Either way its pointless to even think about.

I keep reading peoples threads here and it makes me guilty for feeling so down when I lost someone I only had for 18 months and others have years with a wife and children.

As my dad said its better it happened now then in the future when we were married, had kids or if I had moved to Israel. I know this pain will pass but right now I cant help but think of how happy she is with someone new, doing everything we did in a land I never got to.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

Look at it this way... you will feel this pain but you'll get over it and be a better person for it. Just because you were only around her a short amount of time doesn't mean it hurts any less, but it does mean it shouldn't hurt as long hopefully.

Just be glad that you didn't get in further, stay around, read these threads, and likely the biggest thing you will ever learn here is that, while it is okay to involve yourself with someone, even if you end up marrying them, don't ever ever lose yourself in them. Lemme put it this way, I'm 40 and I screwed that up over the last 2 years.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

BFGuru said:


> You are young. She sounds like a tramp that will do the same to this poor dolt. And if he didn't care that she was engaged, he deserves a boat load of karma. It hurts. It sucks, but the one thing she was right about is that you were gifted and talented. Make a new life for yourself. Focus on finding your happiness and forget this wench who can't decide where her loyalties lie.


 How is she a tramp? she lost her virginity to him...they are not married, she met someone else...


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

She handled this entire thing with you all wrong..that's part of your pain...she flat out ignored you...rejected you...blew you off and didn't bother giving you an explanation until 'she felt like it' ....and after you had seen her status on fb...she's a 'tacky immature tramp' in my book. 

Lack of communication on her part is an understatement...and she clearly had no boundaries for her engagement to you. 

You have already cut your losses....she's gone. No more contacting her...your 23... Far from a death bed honey. It's been a year. Pick yourself up dust yourself off ...and get the fk over it. (Like the rest of us have too) ....

Ok easier said than done right? (I hear ya  

But you have to try...'harder'. Look...she's far away and that is in your favor....don't contact her...and after what she did how could you trust her anyway? Her deflowering is long but over...lol let new dude have her and her deceptions...she's a newbie out there in the sex world...she may be engaged but clearly that didn't stop her from bedding another now did it? 

She's not your problem anymore. 

Your a musician...seriously dude....wake up...look around...I bet you've got hotties closer to you than you think...reach out and grab one for craps sake...!!!!!!!


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## A-Step-Towards (Feb 7, 2013)

I wasn’t trying to portray anything as if she was a tramp, that wasn’t the intention of my message and she told me she didn’t cheat on me and I believe it. I think she met someone , say traits she liked and dumped me. The fact I had sold a ton of my stuff and actually helped her dad move the month before, took her dog and also sold there stuff and sent them money only to be dumped right after kinda sucked, she also did handle the whole situation badly.

The thing was she was a very strange person and I think her dad emotional scarred her for life he was a whack job and convinced his family he was a prophet at one point.

She also lied a bunch and when she first got there she said how depressed she was and was waiting for me. Then she started going to some religious classes daily with her sister. Eventually her story didn’t make sense and when I asked she admitted that she got a job at a hotel there. It was a sign it was all long term, not a vacation and she didn’t wanna tell me.

Little lies and white lie kinda stuff was scattered through our relationship. A example was she stated she was a virgin but after while I thought she was to skilled at certain things to be true to that, she finally admitted she gave oral sex to 13 men prior to me over a span of 2 years. One of these people was her sisters 3 year on again off again BF , her sister was devastated, another was her 2nd cousin a few months before I dated her. Along with all this I guess her and her sister gave each other oral and a bunch of other stuff with girls. Honestly the whole virgin thing was really a fetch.

I know she doesn’t tell that guy she is with any of that and in his mind probably thinks she was just with me. For awhile I wrote hateful letters about her to him, but never sent them. I was going to say all this stuff and I know if he was like any guy he would freak out, I mean she blew her cousin-but then I actually just felt bad for the guy knowing he has to deal with all of that, all of her and her crazy family plus the fact of me added on top and whatever damage she may carry from us and the fact its a fast moving rebound relationship.

Anyways I am not a bad looking guy and I am a musician as said and also a college graduate but I am bad with picking up girls, I am just kinda shy. We will see what happens I guess, in between my last 2 ex's i was single 36 months.

I honestly hope I am getting the bad out of the way young, because I just dont think I could ever cope with a divorce, this is hard enough.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

A-Step-Towards said:


> I wasn’t trying to portray anything as if she was a tramp, that wasn’t the intention of my message and she told me she didn’t cheat on me and I believe it. I think she met someone , say traits she liked and dumped me. The fact I had sold a ton of my stuff and actually helped her dad move the month before, took her dog and also sold there stuff and sent them money only to be dumped right after kinda sucked, she also did handle the whole situation badly.
> 
> The thing was she was a very strange person and I think her dad emotional scarred her for life he was a whack job and convinced his family he was a prophet at one point.
> 
> ...




_WOW!_

You may not have intended to protray her as a tramp...but um...

sure looks like she is one...sorry man...


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## A-Step-Towards (Feb 7, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> _WOW!_
> 
> You may not have intended to protray her as a tramp...but um...
> 
> sure looks like she is one...sorry man...


Yeah I agree, Idk being 17 with that track record yet calling yourself a virgin to me is ummm a little strange. Most of those guys fingered her as well so I really dont get how someone can truly think there a virgin still after all that, but I was the first real sex apparently. Anyways thats why I felt bad for the new guy because not only does he have to deal with all the baggage I had to , but then me on top of it all. To be honest I basically dumped her when she told me those numbers after basically lying about it, then she knocked on my bedroom window crying and I took her back, but it was always in the back of my mind after that. According to her a BJ is less intimate then holding hands.

Anyways Its a good possibility I dodged a bullet.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

A-Step-Towards said:


> Anyways Its a good possibility I dodged a bullet.


No it's not a possibility, it's a fact.


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## A-Step-Towards (Feb 7, 2013)

Yes in time I hope I feel the same way, right now its a tad painful knowing she is happy with someone else and I am alone and that I waited for her and she never came back, but I guess I just need more time.


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