# Curious - how long was your longest drought during marriage?



## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

How long did it last (or is it still ongoing)? What wound up being the cause? Did you ever get your sex life back?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I refuse to try and remember. That was my past life.

I did get my sex life back when I divorced him and started dating again.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

3 yrs 11 months. She checked out of the marriage and decided not to have sex with me any more.

Probably she was getting it elsewhere though it has not yet been proven conclusively.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

6 weeks two times.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Many years...yes we did get our relationship and sex life figured out. The key is it is an ongoing process, a priority, and we work on it daily. The other day he told me, "We are so lucky, I don't think anybody has as great a sex life as us". It's not perfect, but its pretty special to us to have come so far from where we were.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Two and a half years, that situation was over tho. I say you go over a,year or even three months sexless the relation is messed up. Even if there is a good reason they cant PIV there is other things they can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I was on bed rest for two of my three pregnancies, PiV wasn't allowed, so several weeks for each, including 6 weeks postpartum.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Not including 3 post c sections we regularly would skip a month then we were only doing it once a month. By month I mean 28 days ovulation to ovulation. So I guess the answer is 56 days.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

It lasted nearly 4 years. The relationship was all but dead in the water. We reconciled last year and got a sex life back.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

4 months, but that's just for meh sex. Real sex, maybe a year or more


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

After every birth we waited about two months.

When I've had bladder infections, we've had to abstain for a few weeks. Last summer I was having bladder problems, and we abstained for 3 weeks. Dh was definitely monitoring that.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> I refuse to try and remember. That was my past life.
> 
> I did get my sex life back when I divorced him and started dating again.


It was over four years for me, and I got mine back the same way you did.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

During the first trimester of pregnancy, my wife had severe morning sickness, and couldn't stand the way I smelled or tasted. The smell of my semen made her vomit. So I think during that period of time, she might have given me one or two handjobs. But no PIV or oral for almost 3 months. I got very familiar with my right hand.

She became a real animal in heat during the second and third trimesters, and nearly made up for the drought at the beginning.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

droughts up to around a year--four separate times. 3 were pregnancy related, one was during a stretch where we were living with my parents very early on. The times between those droughts were around 1 every month or two on average.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*With first W(MARRIED 13 YEARS), never more than 3 months, usually during pregnancy. During her affair up until D, not quite 6 months.

But with my skanky XW(MARRIED 9+ YEARS), it was rarely more than a month. It totally amazed me that she even jumped my bones less than a month before our trial separation started, given that she dictated it some 3 months prior!

And the sad thing that I later figured out was that when she did rattle those bones of mine on this particular occasion, she had just gotten back home from out-of-town where her lardass boyfriend had been rather busy rattling hers over the course of a few days!

Guess that there were just a few excessive female hormones still in her system that she hadn't quite gotten rid of yet!*


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Year and a half, but part of the reason was there was an extenuating circumstance (not going to discuss here, but nothing bad, in fact something very good). Of course, if we go back three years, we've had sex three times. She will mention occasionally that we should have sex, but in her next breath, she'll mention how her head hurts, how tired she is, etc.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Year and a half, but part of the reason was there was an extenuating circumstance (not going to discuss here, but nothing bad, in fact something very good). Of course, if we go back three years, we've had sex three times. She will mention occasionally that we should have sex, but in her next breath, she'll mention how her head hurts, how tired she is, etc.


Oh, they can always find an excuse which fits the situation.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

We had a drought of 19 weeks. The topic never came up once during that time.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

2 to 3 months, twice....once due to high risk pregnancy I wasn't allowed PIV for the first trimester, second bout was after the birth of same pregnancy. However, he did get regular BJ's.... I didn't see the point of having us BOTH suffer! 

My horrible first marriage....honestly can't remember. Probably a few months, but that entire relationship is not even worth mentioning.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Together 8ish years and the longest we went without was three weeks. And that was because it was right before we separated and things were very bad. 

Looking back, no matter how things were in the relationship, we always had sex.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

6-8 weeks waiting for her to initiate. I eventually ga e up and became the initiator again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Oh, they can always find an excuse which fits the situation.


Yep, agree. "Sex is so much work", "I'm so tired", "Sleep is more important than sex", etc., but then you hear "You never initiate sex". Let's see, why do you think that is?


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Yep, agree. "Sex is so much work", "I'm so tired", "Sleep is more important than sex", etc., but then you hear "You never initiate sex". Let's see, why do you think that is?


Or worse when they make it plainly apparent that they do not care. "Oh, you are horny. Hmmmm.... next topic". At least when they complain or get defensive, they are putting some effort into it. Being brushed aside like drier lint is even more defeating. 

Lately, our sex life has been on an uptick but for the 2 years prior to this that was what it was like.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I voted 6 months plus, but in reality it would have been a lot longer had I not initiated.

The cause was that he was asexual and I ended up divorcing him because physical intimacy is vital to me.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

Been together four years, longest drought was two weeks due to sickness and period.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

3 weeks to a Month...and this due to having babies/ c-sections...... I was always very horny afterwards and whined I couldn't wait for







.... it was killing me...Could never hold out as long as the Doc's written orders when released from the Hospital... worried about that some, but it never hurt anything...


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## endlessdrought (Jan 1, 2014)

soulseer said:


> 6-8 weeks waiting for her to initiate. I eventually ga e up and became the initiator again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have been think about this. But the rejection thing looms. At this point, I may not react well to rejection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

3-4 months, about 5 years ago.

Marriage was bad, and I was only getting duty s**. I stopped initiating, and then later refused her offers of the duty stuff.

Things got a little better for a while, then fell back to duty. No fix. No change.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> 3-4 months, about 5 years ago.
> 
> Marriage was bad, and I was only getting duty s**. I stopped initiating, and then later refused her offers of the duty stuff.
> 
> Things got a little better for a while, then fell back to duty. No fix. No change.


Back to "duty"?

Because if they know they want to give you "duty" even though it might not feel as goodto them, it feels better than getting nothing at all. Alot better.

Just be thankful to recieve.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

endlessdrought said:


> I have been think about this. But the rejection thing looms. At this point, I may not react well to rejection.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The rejection is accumulative. It isn't the one cut, it's the many hundreds to thousands accumulated that strips your sexual confidence to a low point.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Because if they know they want to give you "duty" even though it might not feel as goodto them, it feels better than getting nothing at all. Alot better.
> 
> Just be thankful to recieve.


You being sarcastic here? Having s** with a zombie/starfish, over an extended number of years is not better than nothing. It eats away at you a little more each time.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

4 months for me, but averaged less than once a month, of mostly duty sex. I got caught up in the whole numbers game, thinking that quantity would overcome quality, but it doesn't work that way. After the physical pleasure release ended, I felt twice as bad than if we never began. My wife would "give it up" once a month if I asked, but it is passionless and mechanical, so I've closed the book on my sex life and focus on the rest of our relationship- no expectations= no disappointments!!!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> You being sarcastic here? Having s** with a zombie/starfish, over an extended number of years is not better than nothing. It eats away at you a little more each time.


Agree.

The alternative is a sexless situation and you are looked at as asexual over the years and rejected over and over again.

Get your fill of feminine sexual and positive attention from other sources.

Your right, the starfish thing for the rest of your life might not be how you want to spend it.

However, if she knows she wants you to have it, and is giving it willingly, perhaps you can look at it differently and be thankful to recieve.

Perhaps recieve it in different ways, to at least show she is concerned with your pleasure and somewhat considerate of your needs.

Trust me, being rejected over and over again and not considered as a source of sexuality sucks worse than the starfish.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

In my first marriage, twice it went over a year. Max was 14 months. Once was after the birth of a child. For about 8-10 years, the average was 6-8 times a year*.

*My average. Apparently not hers.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Anubis said:


> In my first marriage, twice it went over a year. Max was 14 months. Once was after the birth of a child. For about 8-10 years, the average was 6-8 times a year*.
> 
> *My average. Apparently not hers.


Ohh! What do you suspect her average is?


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

Our longest drought was almost year when she was pregnant.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

treyvion said:


> Ohh! What do you suspect her average is?


I know it was higher than mine. How much higher I'll never truly know.

She did stray, but I thought it was only once. Old chat logs recovered years later shed a lot of light on things, including cheating while we were engaged, and at least one of her OMs going after other SAHM's in out neighborhood.


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## Don-Juan (Sep 1, 2013)

soulseer said:


> 6-8 weeks waiting for her to initiate. I eventually ga e up and became the initiator again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


THIS! but I made it to 12 weeks and gave up.....and I became the initiator ....again. 

She NEVER initiates sex, NEVER.

Have tried to talk to her about it, but no change. She does seem to enjoy it (sex).


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> 6 weeks two times.


Two kids, I assume?


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

I think it was between 6-8 months a few years back. Then it was a bit random maybe 1 or twice each month if averaged out - up to and including her affair. Though I think during her A there was a period of 3 months or more when zip happened (so no suspicion given history). Post affair there was the world's shortest lived hysterical sex - a day or so. Then nothing for a month or so then some good stuff once or twice (or so I thought) then nothing, then some "parent time" which was regular 20 min sessions for about 2 weeks (meaning 3 times per week approx). Now nothing for the last 3 months. She has been OS for 5 days and is due in tomorrow - I have zero expectations and I will be maintaining my detachment. I've completely dropped all hints about sex. Like everything else it's what suits her and that doesn't suit me so f**k it.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Anubis said:


> I know it was higher than mine. How much higher I'll never truly know.
> 
> She did stray, but I thought it was only once. Old chat logs recovered years later shed a lot of light on things, including cheating while we were engaged, and at least one of her OMs going after other SAHM's in out neighborhood.


He ways preying on these SAHM's weakness and fantasy.

Did she look at the OM in an appropriate and dispicable light when she learned about his larger scheme?


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

treyvion said:


> He ways preying on these SAHM's weakness and fantasy.
> 
> Did she look at the OM in an appropriate and dispicable light when she learned about his larger scheme?


That particular OM (my ex had a few) was a neighborhood 'bad boy' type. My ex was actually helpful / amused in introducing him to other moms. Did he score with them..? not sure, but reading their late night chat logs it seems likely that he did with at least one - getting favours that she denied her nice-guy hubby.

/sad, very sad


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

> 1 month, so I can't respond in the poll. We've been married 7 yrs (no kids, that'd prolly make a difference)


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## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

I never knew enough about girls and sex because I was raised in a home with no women, no female relatives, no same age cousins or nieces. I would say that the best sexual experience I had was terrible, unsatisfactory and frustrating
I have only had one woman, my wife but our lovemaking went from a couple of times a week to a couple of times a month to once a month. My wife set the criterion that had to be met if sex was possible. Floors had to be clean, dishes washed Laundry done, vacuuming done and the furniture cleaned. Not that she intended to do any of those things, it was up to me. If one thing wasn't done to her standards sex was out. She expected that she would have a shower, I would shower, shave, hair wash, and all done using scent free soap, and the bed had to be made with clean sheets. On the few occasions when we had sex she would be twisting my arms to get my hands in the right places etc. By the time we got started my hands and mouth were numb. I got so fed up I told her that she would have to initiate sex, because I wasn't going to. That was 34 years ago.
This summer she decided to try again, and as part of the foreplay she advised me that she had slept with 12 different men over our marriage and the majority of them had larger equipment, more stamina and were better lovers than I was. She also said she was totally orgasmic, as these guys had showed her, so if we had sex problems or if anybody was inadequate in Bed it was me, not her. It was a total surprise to me, I never knew this stuff. I thought about it couple of days, I started packing her stuff (we were in the middle of moving). I told her she could go to the new place, but as I am the only income I wasn't going to pay for her car the new place or anything else. Or she could call up one of her boyfriends and I would drop her off at his house, so she could live with him.
I could barely stand to look at her or talk to her and left early and came home late for a few days
She asked me to stay, promised when the move was done we would go back to sleeping in the same bed and work our was back to having sex. 34 years ago she said she wouldn't have sex with me because she didn't trust me to do things that pleased her. I told her that I didn't trust her and feared for how badly she would hurt me.
Now we are in Limbo. I don't know if I can get through this.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

probably 3-4 months (maybe starting a few weeks before birth and ending a few months after), but other than that probably not more than a month.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Two kids, I assume?


Actually I wasn't counting those. Four kids actually. So it would be 5 times that we went 6 weeks. The last time she didn't want to wait.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

Apart from when we were separated, the longest was 8 weeks, towards the end and just after the first pregnancy. I had no idea that we could have resumed sex before the 6 week checkup, so we didn't... All of the other pregnancies it was sex up until they were born and then as soon as I had stopped bleeding afterwards.

Even when I felt like sex was the last thing I wanted, and H had to fight for it, we always managed at least twice a week.

We were separated for 12 months many years ago, but resumed sex 3 months into the separation.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

*Re: Re: Curious - how long was your longest drought during marriage?*



Thinkitthrough said:


> I never knew enough about girls and sex because I was raised in a home with no women, no female relatives, no same age cousins or nieces. I would say that the best sexual experience I had was terrible, unsatisfactory and frustrating
> I have only had one woman, my wife but our lovemaking went from a couple of times a week to a couple of times a month to once a month. My wife set the criterion that had to be met if sex was possible. Floors had to be clean, dishes washed Laundry done, vacuuming done and the furniture cleaned. Not that she intended to do any of those things, it was up to me. If one thing wasn't done to her standards sex was out. She expected that she would have a shower, I would shower, shave, hair wash, and all done using scent free soap, and the bed had to be made with clean sheets. On the few occasions when we had sex she would be twisting my arms to get my hands in the right places etc. By the time we got started my hands and mouth were numb. I got so fed up I told her that she would have to initiate sex, because I wasn't going to. That was 34 years ago.
> This summer she decided to try again, and as part of the foreplay she advised me that she had slept with 12 different men over our marriage and the majority of them had larger equipment, more stamina and were better lovers than I was. She also said she was totally orgasmic, as these guys had showed her, so if we had sex problems or if anybody was inadequate in Bed it was me, not her. It was a total surprise to me, I never knew this stuff. I thought about it couple of days, I started packing her stuff (we were in the middle of moving). I told her she could go to the new place, but as I am the only income I wasn't going to pay for her car the new place or anything else. Or she could call up one of her boyfriends and I would drop her off at his house, so she could live with him.
> I could barely stand to look at her or talk to her and left early and came home late for a few days
> ...


Why in the world are you still married to her? Abuse & infidelity aren't enough to call it quits, you've already lost half your life??


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Just shy of two years. Everything else in the marriage was pretty broken too.


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

I think it was NMMNG that suggested a hiatus. I stopped initiating in 2012 and one month turned into 6 months and I don't believe my wife even noticed. She is always embarrassed when I refer back to this time and wants this to remain our secret.

As it turns out the exercise was good for me in that I learned that I can get along fine. The test didn't seem to indicate she was doling out scraps of sex like currency...less insidious than that and more likely she is not really capable of true intimacy.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Ya'll 2 years and up are PITIFUL. I'm in the camp but current situation will do HJ and BJ, just no penetration.

Back in the days, I wouldn't go a week, because it would be a national emergency and no way that's about to go down.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

*Re: Re: Curious - how long was your longest drought during marriage?*



treyvion said:


> Ya'll 2 years and up are PITIFUL. I'm in the camp but current situation will do HJ and BJ, just no penetration.
> 
> Back in the days, I wouldn't go a week, because it would be a national emergency and no way that's about to go down.


I've never heard of a spouse still performing bjs, but no penetration sex? That is far more personal???


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

woundedwarrior said:


> I've never heard of a spouse still performing bjs, but no penetration sex? That is far more personal???


I used to think the same thing. With the BJ they control it. With PIV sex, you are going into their body. A high level BJ can approach real sex and beat real sex on many people, but real high level sex is a completely different animal.

You miss entering her, and feeling her body respond and adjust to you.

You realize a BJ is close, but sex as god intended really does join the spirits.


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## salespro (Jan 15, 2014)

I am at 5.5 years since the last time. Wife just decided she didn't want sex. Doesn't know why and doesn't really care, but she complains that I have become less affectionate over the last few years and wants me to fix that. Maybe in my next life I will understand women better.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

salespro said:


> I am at 5.5 years since the last time. Wife just decided she didn't want sex. Doesn't know why and doesn't really care, but she complains that I have become less affectionate over the last few years and wants me to fix that. Maybe in my next life I will understand women better.


So why are you still in the marriage? My longest was 3.5 years followed by a year long separation. We reconciled but it's clear now that aspect of our marriage won't be resolved so I'm done. Even in the worst case scenario, nobody wants me again, at least I'll have this thing called hope.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> So why are you still in the marriage? My longest was 3.5 years followed by a year long separation. We reconciled but it's clear now that aspect of our marriage won't be resolved so I'm done. Even in the worst case scenario, nobody wants me again, at least I'll have this thing called hope.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


You know better than to give up on yourself, it's irresponsible. Especially if you have children, what kind of example do you want to be for them?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

treyvion said:


> You know better than to give up on yourself, it's irresponsible. Especially if you have children, what kind of example do you want to be for them?


Are you talking to me or the person I asked the question of?


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## Cupcake37 (Nov 19, 2011)

Nothing since 24 May 2013. Husband is asexual and isn't interested in sex.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Are you talking to me or the person I asked the question of?


Just talking to anyone who read it that it applied to, as a follow up to your message.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Just talking to anyone who read it that it applied to, as a follow up to your message.


Ha! Well, you are correct on a couple of points. To give up on yourself is to lose hope. I can't imagine losing hope, even if things don't work out the way I want. To lose hope is to lose the ability to dream. How can you take action to change your circumstances without that? I certainly don't want to set that example for my daughters ... I want them to dream BIG and believe enough in themselves to take action on realizing those dreams.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Ha! Well, you are correct on a couple of points. To give up on yourself is to lose hope. I can't imagine losing hope, even if things don't work out the way I want. To lose hope is to lose the ability to dream. How can you take action to change your circumstances without that? I certainly don't want to set that example for my daughters ... I want them to dream BIG and believe enough in themselves to take action on realizing those dreams.


Inspirational.:smthumbup:


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

1 year 15 days ongoing.. tried once in that span was denied.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> 1 year 15 days ongoing.. tried once in that span was denied.


Can you explain your situation briefly? Is everything else basically ok, or is there a lot of fighting and/or tension in the house? Is everyone's health and weight basically ok?

I fully understand the demoralization of being refused repeatedly. It isn't easy, but one option is for you to initiate or state your desire for sex frequently, at least once per week. When she says no, do your very best to not let it bother you, and for sure don't let it show that it bothers you.

This informs her that you want sex with her frequently. It demonstrates your interest. And it puts into her mind that she is refusing you often, which may make her nervous you will go elsewhere.

As long as D is somewhere in your mind as possible, you can push the issue, and you can even push really hard. You can tell her that you are a sexual being and you intend to have a sexual life, and you prefer it be with her. Let that sit in her brain for a few days/weeks and you'll have an answer on whether she is willing to work on the marriage.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Longest was 17 days she was out of the country and then she was on her period then I had to travel. 

I'm sure we went longer without when we had kids, but that's too long ago can't remember.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Our lowest point was during year 7 of our marriage, 4 times that year with 6 months in between 2 of those events.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Probably 6 weeks or so before we got our marriage back on track. Recently it's been 2-3 times a week. 

But I'm about to enter the longest dry spell so far at about 3-4 months. But this is something I want to do. My wife is starting therapy for sexual abuse she experienced when she was a child. Since sex often gives her flashbacks of that abuse I have told her we will abstain for a while to allow her time to focus on healing. I'm happy to do it for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

This was her vagina after about a year of drought. I never saw it again as it blew away like the midwest Dust Bowl.


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## HossLanier (Dec 26, 2013)

8 months. She has thinning of the walls, it hurts and she does bleed alittle. She will not take hormones and refuses Bj or HJ. 

She is in a "do not touch" mood 24/7 and I am the bad guy if I ask.

Very sad and she just does not get how much it effects our marriage.

Yes there is stress in our marriage and we both know it. If send her articles on Marriage things I get the evil-eye and cold shoulder.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

*Re: Re: Curious - how long was your longest drought during marriage?*



HossLanier said:


> 8 months. She has thinning of the walls, it hurts and she does bleed alittle. She will not take hormones and refuses Bj or HJ.
> 
> She is in a "do not touch" mood 24/7 and I am the bad guy if I ask.
> 
> ...


I'm afraid this will happen to me in a few years. Is she going through menopause?


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## justfabulous (Feb 9, 2014)

Thor said:


> I fully understand the demoralization of being refused repeatedly. It isn't easy, but one option is for you to initiate or state your desire for sex frequently, at least once per week. When she says no, do your very best to not let it bother you, and for sure don't let it show that it bothers you.
> 
> This informs her that you want sex with her frequently. It demonstrates your interest. And it puts into her mind that she is refusing you often, which may make her nervous you will go elsewhere.


Hi, I'm new here, this is my first post, but I just wanted to say that I think this is EXCELLENT advice. Earlier on in my marriage, I now realize my husband wanted sex a lot more than we had it. Looking back now, I regret this terribly - feel really, really badly; if I could turn back time, I'd have played this way differently. In those years, I was starting a new business, working around the clock. I loved sex with him, but was always either working or exhausted, so it didnt happen as much as it should have. Our schedules didnt align well (I worked evenings, he worked days - I came home around 10pm exhausted and didnt get my second wind til about midnight, by then he was sleeping to get up early for work). I was tired a lot, worked weekends too. So, he didnt push too hard, he was very understanding and supportive. But he WANTED it. In hindsight, while I SO appreciate his understanding and willingness to put his needs aside to be supportive of me, looking back now, I feel those were really wasted years, and he should never have been made to feel like he needed to do that. We (I) should have put more of a priority on spending frequent intimate time together. Sure I was building a business for BOTH of us (while he brought home the paycheck to give us stability during that uncertain time), and it PAID OFF - he later joined the business and we've lived a very comfortable lifestyle as a result of the choices made in those early years, but we cant get those years as a young married couple back. 

He's a really good guy, so he ultimatley just backed off from asking and initiating, not wanting to pressure me, etc. . But I think if he had done what you are suggesting, and basically stay on message in a gentle way, we would have been having sex a lot more often. I always appreciated feeling desired by him, even if I was too tired at the particular moment, so if he had stayed on message with it, still in a 'no pressure' kind of way, it would have been a 'numbers game' essentially, and we would have been doing it a lot more than we ultimately did. Aside from initiating it once in a while, he had basically said, I know you're stressed and very busy, but I'm always interested, so just let me know whenever you want it. Well, being stressed and always busy, that didnt happen often. But if he had followed your approach, I can see how it would have been better. No, I woudnt have been able to say yes every time, but I'd have said yes a lot more than when he stopped asking. Of course, this isnt his fault. Looking back I feel so bad for him, and for me - my loss as well. We've been married 21 years and my wonderful man never strayed. I've worked hard to make up to him what he didnt get frequently enough back then. But the bottom line is you cant go back again. Big reminder to live in the moment. Thinking about how this is now a real source of regret and sadness for me.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

6-12 months. Currently 4 months and counting.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

7 months and 9 days ... but who's counting? 

Well on our way to our second stretch of at least a year ... whoop whoop! First time was over 3.5 years ... starting to take it personally, lol.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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