# I feel like I'm being stalked



## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

I split from my gf 8 months ago because I couldn't take the borderline issues any longer. Within a few days she was back on eH with pics on her profile I had taken of her. I knew it was completely over then. I did want to talk with her, and left a couple of messages stating that. She didn't respond. I have since moved on, and am dating a sweet gal. After all these months of no contact, she starts a blitz of emails, voice mails, texts, calls that I don't answer, and even showed up at my house unannounced to return an item left behind. A 225 mile drive one way. I talked with her x (he and I are friends) about what was going on and told him "I feel like I'm being stalked". He shared that comment with her, and I got a text stating she wound NEVER contact me again. 2 weeks later my phone rings again. It's her. I didn't answer. 
Now this weekend my gf and I are having a lakeside bonfire, inviting friends from our outdoor club. Posted online. Guess who else is a member even though she lives 225 miles away and belong to a similar group in her area. I am afraid she will show up. No good can come of that. I have been planning how I will respond if she does show. Words of encouragement and advice would be appreciated.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you blocked her on social media and on your phone? 

C


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

PBear said:


> Have you blocked her on social media and on your phone?
> 
> C


Yes on the social media. No on the phone. I kept her number in my phone so I would know if it was her calling and I could simply not answer it. I can't change my landline or cell numbers as they have been my business numbers included in my advertising for 20 plus years.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Hide your rabbits, quick!


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## Chocaholic (Nov 30, 2014)

If she does show up, simply smile, nod and do not engage in conversation. Tell her you are busy or have nothing to say other than you hope she has a great life.

Since your gf will be there and I am assuming she knows about the situation, if you see your ex, ask your gf to stay near you as much as possible while she is there. That may help keep the ex at a distance.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

If you have an iPhone just go to Settings>Phone>Blocked>Add New. You won't receive calls or texts from her number.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> If you have an iPhone just go to Settings>Phone>Blocked>Add New. You won't receive calls or texts from her number.


In my experience, this doesn't always work. YMMV.


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> If you have an iPhone just go to Settings>Phone>Blocked>Add New. You won't receive calls or texts from her number.


I don't have an Iphone, or any smart phone for that matter. I'm holding off on getting one as long as possible. Everyone I know who has one goes around with their face glued to them.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Probably too late now for the bonfire, but why not take out a restraining order against her? If she shows up anywhere near you, you could call the police.

She sounds like a whack job and potentially dangerous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

She sounds obsessed. Limited contact would be best so she can truly move on.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Seems she knows you are happy now, and is trying to mess it up. Good call on not answering her calls, maybe could have your GF answer and tell her that you are not available and offer to take a message or something like that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If she shows up at your lakeside barbeque.. ask her to leave. 

If it's on your property, and she won't leave, call the police. You can then get a restraining order against her.

If it's not on your property, you and your girlfriend leave with out telling her. She will then leave. You can then go back.

Make sure she does not get near your girlfriend. Just a precaution.


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## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

I hope you have spoken to your current gf about this? If not, this is the time to do so. 
Just ignore her and tell her you dont want nything to do with her.


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## sunvalley (Dec 4, 2011)

WayUpNorth said:


> After all these months of no contact, she starts a blitz of emails, voice mails, texts, calls that I don't answer, and even showed up at my house unannounced to return an item left behind. A 225 mile drive one way. I talked with her x (he and I are friends) about what was going on and told him "I feel like I'm being stalked". He shared that comment with her, and I got a text stating she wound NEVER contact me again. 2 weeks later my phone rings again. It's her. I didn't answer.


This behavior is typical with borderlines — they pull away and paint you black when they feel they're being smothered. Now that you've moved on, she can't handle THAT either. 

You are very right to keep your distance and silence. No matter what she promises or begs for, you broke up for a reason. Keep that in mind. And know your ex will get even MORE persistent if you show any signs of folding to her. So, keep doing what you're doing. And IMO? Don't share anything else with her ex/your friend about her.



WayUpNorth said:


> Now this weekend my gf and I are having a lakeside bonfire, inviting friends from our outdoor club. Posted online. Guess who else is a member even though she lives 225 miles away and belong to a similar group in her area. I am afraid she will show up.


EleGirl has some excellent advice. One more thing I will add to hers: Be as unemotional as possible if she starts a scene. Treat her like a three- or four-year-old who is having a tantrum, and stick to your guns that either she leaves or you WILL call the police. And if she does start a scene, make sure your lady is nowhere in the vicinity.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

She's an ex so we don't need to advise about a 'cure' or the hard road to harmony.

Do not engage. Wait for BPD to self-distract,, they always do.

She may 'boomerang' back from her distractions, but non-engagement will diminish your appeal and increase theirs.

If she's a full-blown stalker/rager,, be aware that a restraining order will turn her focus back on you and she may ignore it and upscale her fury. Having her arrested or jailed AFTER she's harmed you or your GF is no kinda victory.

If she shows up at the BBQ,, stay in a crowd. Don't isolate yourself or try to reason with her.

If she doesn't show up, the non-engagement is working.

Once she's moved in with a new victim, she'll forget about you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Check your state stalking laws...and start documenting the what when where why and hows each time she contacts you. Note any witnesses. There may not be enough to institute a restraining order yet, but at least get a file started by visiting the police station about your concerns and get an idea from them of when it is appropriate to call them.

Social media stalking is one thing that will be hard to prove, but keep record of the texts.

By the way, crazy people don't necessarily follow laws, but getting a restraining order will set it up so when she does violate the order, she gets arrested and and a psychological assessment. Also, has she already been diagnosed a borderline? If that is the case she may already be in some sort of system, and I am sure local mental health agency would love to know more.


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

Well our bonfire was a success and very fun. No visit from borderline x. BTW, it warmed up above freezing today end even rained a little. We went out on some back roads/trails in the 4x4 and cut two awesome Christmas trees. Gave one to relatives. Today was a good day.
Thanks for all the replies and support.


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