# Im broken....I think?



## Auzzie (Jan 23, 2012)

Hi All,

Been w hile since I last posted. Ive been struggling along. But as im getting older (41 in a few months) the more I want for not only myself but for my man. We are devoted to each other, but have never been sexually compatible. I blame myself mostly as I haven't been sexually honest with him (stupidly thinking in not wanting to hurt his feelings) but as you will all know, resentment has set in inside me. Ive never orgasmed with my husband (again I DO blame myself) but in the last few months I have changed that and been honest and open with him. As Ive stated I adore him and even though I have been honest both inside and outside the bedrooms in what I need he hasn't changed his approach in the bedroom. Im at a loss as where to go from here. I know I can orgasm as I masturbate everyday (at one stage in life I didn't think I could...didn't have my first orgasm till I was 23-24) but it seems my head just shutsdown as soon as we start having sex....he does the same thing, in the same spot, in the same positions. Ive asked for change and tried being very frank in letting him know what Id like to try...even suggested he read things...but he doesn't. Im not unattractive, I keep myself slim and fit and make sure we go out on date nights to have the alone time to keep us strong as a couple...I always dress up for him and keep myself tidy....but im wondering how much do I keep doing? I really want to have an orgasm WITH him...but nothings changing. He does premature ejaculate and always has and refuses to seek professional help...ive been very supportive and NEVER belittle him or make a big deal of it as I don't want him to feel worse. Resentment has set in I know and for ths I feel like crap...I am trying not to feel like this...but its getting louder. I refuse to walk away from our relationship because he is a wonderful man, a good Father and there is so much I adore about him...I want to explore a D/s side to our sexual relationship and have asked him and left not so subtle hints but again nothing. I run our lives(looks after three kids full time, run the household, pay all bills, repair broken things, maintain our acreage by myself) he works VERY hard also in a very demanding job...but as soon as he steps in the door he stops. Im ok with that...except in the bedroom...I need more. What do I do next???


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

Congrats on an otherwise happy marriage. Maybe you could try to buy some toys (guaranteed O every time with the right one), games, etc. to spice things up between the two of you. Buy a book, and try to engage him in looking at it/reading it with you. Have you tried watching p**n together? (Sorry for the censoring, but I'm at work). You can probably order these things online, if you don't have an adult store nearby.

Have you told him you don't feel fulfilled in this way? What does he try to do, or suggest?


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## Auzzie (Jan 23, 2012)

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate your time. 

We have toys, I use them every day. I read all the time, but he isn't a reader...I have asked him to read books...and he agrees but never follows through.
We have watched porn together, I watch it but I know its not realistic either. I like to watch romantic porn...and he knows this. I just don't know what else to do.
I want to be with him for life, as that is what marriage for me is about...I have talked with him about my feelings and he listens and says all the right things, but when it comes to having sex just doesn't make the changes.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

How about oral? Does he ever go,down on you and try to get you off that way? 

There are a lot of women who simply cannot O from PIV sex, so her partner has to adapt, improvise and overcome.


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## Auzzie (Jan 23, 2012)

He does go down on me, and I do enjoy it...but I cant seem to relax as I know he will come quickly....I do get worked up...and then....left. Im just not able to get past this mentally now....Its like im stuck!


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

A very low dose of an SSRI antidepressant like Paxil will slow down his ejaculation. It is a common treatment for PE. Google it.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Auzzie said:


> He does go down on me, and I do enjoy it...but I cant seem to relax as I know he will come quickly....I do get worked up...and then....left. Im just not able to get past this mentally now....Its like im stuck!


Wait a minute- he goes down on you but HE comes too soon? How exactly does that happen?

p.s. and why - if he does - does that mean that the party is over ?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sunhunter (Sep 4, 2013)

Take matters in your own hands. Put on some very sexy clothes / lingerie and tell you want to play with him. But you make the rules. Tie him down to the bed. Strip / lapdance whatever makes him hard and then you can have sex on your conditions because he can't do anything (because he's tied down). 

You can ride him soft, long and slowly, use a vibrator to stimulate your clit, go harder if you want ... and as long as you keep track of his level of arousal, you can stop and take a pause if he comes too close to an orgasm. 

So take control and maybe he will even like it


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## Auzzie (Jan 23, 2012)

I don't orgasm through him going down on me as he doesn't do it for long enough...sorry I didn't explain myself.


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## Auzzie (Jan 23, 2012)

sunhunter said:


> Take matters in your own hands. Put on some very sexy clothes / lingerie and tell you want to play with him. But you make the rules. Tie him down to the bed. Strip / lapdance whatever makes him hard and then you can have sex on your conditions because he can't do anything (because he's tied down).
> 
> You can ride him soft, long and slowly, use a vibrator to stimulate your clit, go harder if you want ... and as long as you keep track of his level of arousal, you can stop and take a pause if he comes too close to an orgasm.
> 
> So take control and maybe he will even like it


Thanks for a great reply Sunhunter...Ive done this in the past, but im just not into being in charge all the time. Im in charge of everything else in our lives...I make ALL the decisions down to every last detail. Im very independent and don't sit idly by in our everyday lives....I want him to take charge. I want him to put in effort and stop expecting me to do it for every moment of our lives. I want to relax...but I don't know how too. Ive been honest and open with him, and whilst he was shocked with my honesty he understood. Thankfully he hasn't walked away. But I think im a bedroom submissive! It turns me on to no end...and unfortunately my man doesn't seem to want to be dominant in the bedroom...and I need it so badly. I know its not a natural state for him, and I have asked him to read and he has said he would....but nothing. Ive done lingerie...ive done porn....im tired of this struggle TBH. I thought with love this would just happen...but obviously not.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

Auzzie said:


> Ive been honest and open with him, and whilst he was shocked with my honesty he understood. Thankfully he hasn't walked away. But I think im a bedroom submissive! It turns me on to no end...and unfortunately my man doesn't seem to want to be dominant in the bedroom...and I need it so badly. I know its not a natural state for him, and I have asked him to read and he has said he would....but nothing. Ive done lingerie...ive done porn....im tired of this struggle TBH. I thought with love this would just happen...but obviously not.


I think I would be afraid of somehow hurting or doing wrong things. Though with a good upfront conversation I think that would be alleviated. Does he know/has he experienced how much something specific you are after excites you? Maybe by you leading/directing once, he repeating, then going from there? I really feed on positive reactions from my wife.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Auzzie, You can't make someone be dominant, they either are or they aren't. If he isn't, he isn't likely to become one no matter how many hints you drop. You have a better chance at just talking openly about the PE issue and finding ways to work around it, and probably seeing a sex therapist together is the best way to do that.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Auzzie;

how quick is too quick, and has he had this problem a long time (before you)?

One thing for him to try is to take care of himself that day, or a few hours before you get together. That should affect his ejaculation.
Has he tried that?


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

You're not broken, just a bit bruised. 

If you are only being intimate a couple of times a month he is too pent up and has little chance to hold his fire. If you go a couple of times a week he has a problem with a hair trigger.

As a young couple have you considered getting him up for a second round? I would suggest do him orally to completion and have him reciprocate. He stays with you until the job is done so make sure you create whatever environment you need to relax and melt into the moment. That should give him 15 minutes to get reloaded for the main event...and I call it that because near as I can tell all the really good stuff happens after her first O.


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## poolboy (Sep 3, 2014)

you haven't explained how he finishes first while giving you oral. have him go down on you until you get off. afterward, you can tease him and withdraw before he cums either orally or manually, training him to hold off to help with the pe. introduce him to a creampie.

since he isn't willing to handle the dominant side, you'll have to do so until things improve.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Auzzie
It isn't clear to me:

Is he unwilling to do what you want?

or Is he unable (eg he ejaculates too fast, or his tongue gets tired)

or does he not know what to do.

It sounds sort of like the second - you say you have asked him to do things and he doesn't - but I just wanted to be sure. If so, that its the worst problem. The other two can be fixed, but there really isn't much to be done about a lover who doesn't care about your pleasure.


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