# Financial Freedom or Love



## Will-G (Aug 23, 2021)

I have been in a marriage for 25 years. both of us are late 50s we have built a sound financial nest egg that will support us for the rest of our lives. (well over 1 million dollars)
Unfortunately, there is no passion or deep love. We go about our daily lives alone, spending an hour or two together a day for the evening meal (2 or 3 times a week) We dont have a lot of shared interests anymore, and i feel we have grown far apart in our relationship.
A little over a year ago, i was in an accident that required a lot of physical therapy. i developed a bond with the therapist, who is going through a divorce herself. over the last 6 months, we have fallen in love. we have so much in common, and have developed a very special relationship, that could last. But she is not financially set, with almost no retirement or savings.
I am torn between reaping a lifetime of hard work and financial freedom, or spending the rest of my days with some one who loves and cares for me.
any advice?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Will-G said:


> any advice?


1. If she will cheat _with _you, she will cheat _on _you. 

2. Don't be shocked when she loses her job and license for developing a relationship with a patient. 

3. Don't assume you are the first person she's done this with. Anyone this stupid has a track record of it. 

4. Money isn't a reason to stay married. It is also not a reason to cheat.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'd pick love over money. You can get more money, or adjust your lifestyle to suit the money you have. You can also change how you handle your nest egg. Mine isn't huge, and I live nicely using a very high yield stock strategy. Having a loving partner is far better than having money (excluding poverty, of course).


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Have you told her about your 1 million dollars by any chance?


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## Will-G (Aug 23, 2021)

She has no idea of my finances. 
We didnt develop our relationship with any expectations of falling for each other. this is the first time either of us has strayed from our marriages.
She was going through her divorce before i started as her patient though.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

First things first. Sort out your situation with your wife before making any decision regarding your future with the therapist. IMHO no one can make a wise and sound decision while entangled in an unhappy marriage. Any decision you make or attachment you develop is inevitably influenced by your situation at home. And this applies to both of you. She seems the perfect partner now because she reminds you of what you have been missing in your marriage and this is a legitimate reason for questioning your marriage, but you need first to stop seeing this woman, have an honest conversation with your wife (if you haven't yet), and if you see that you'd rather leave an unhappy situation, then divorce your wife, sort out your finances, and then see if you still want to be with this therapist. It doesn't sound wise at all to make a decision right now. She needs to finalize her divorce and figure out life on her own; you need to figure out your situation with your wife, decide whether you want to stay or leave, and then check back with the therapist. No decision made under an emotional and sexual starvation is lasting or wise.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Will-G said:


> I have been in a marriage for 25 years. both of us are late 50s we have built a sound financial nest egg that will support us for the rest of our lives. (well over 1 million dollars)
> Unfortunately, there is no passion or deep love. We go about our daily lives alone, spending an hour or two together a day for the evening meal (2 or 3 times a week) We dont have a lot of shared interests anymore, and i feel we have grown far apart in our relationship.
> A little over a year ago, i was in an accident that required a lot of physical therapy. i developed a bond with the therapist, who is going through a divorce herself. over the last 6 months, we have fallen in love. we have so much in common, and have developed a very special relationship, that could last. But she is not financially set, with almost no retirement or savings.
> I am torn between reaping a lifetime of hard work and financial freedom, or spending the rest of my days with some one who loves and cares for me.
> any advice?


So basically you are choosing, not between your long time wife and the OW, but between your money are the OW. Wow. Your wife clearly comes no where in your thinking.
Do you have children? If so they will probably hate you for abandoning their mother.

My advise, rather than cheating and lying and deceiving, you actually make some sort of effort to jointly make your marriage better. Start by cutting off all contact with the OW for good, and going to MC. Make date nights. Read books together on marriage. Go on marriage courses. Think of a hobby or interest you could do together. If you make the effort you can improve a lot on the way things are. How about you stop being selfish and see what you an do to make your wife happier? Marriage isnt all about us. All marriages go through low patches,however I suspect you have done what all cheaters do and rewrite your marriage history. You would probably never have thought of leaving her if not for this affair.

As for the OW, firstly what sort of in any way professional therapist not only has a relationship with a client, but a married client who is another womans husband. These two things say all we need to know about what sort of woman she is, she has no integrty or professionalism. I hope she gets reported by some body and as has been said before, if she does it with you she has almost certainly done it before despite what she says.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Will-G said:


> She has no idea of my finances.
> We didnt develop our relationship with any expectations of falling for each other. this is the first time either of us has strayed from our marriages.
> She was going through her divorce before i started as her patient though.


You are both married, stay away.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Will-G said:


> She has no idea of my finances.
> We didnt develop our relationship with any expectations of falling for each other. this is the first time either of us has strayed from our marriages.
> She was going through her divorce before i started as her patient though.


Maybe she has some idea about your $$, maybe she doesn't. This isn't the same question as whether you made a point of telling her or not.

Maybe you should stay in your marriage, maybe you shouldn't, but you should make this decision free from any distractions, especially the 2-legged kind. Do you have any idea how many men have traded a stable lifestyle for a younger model and wound up with neither?


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## Will-G (Aug 23, 2021)

Never had children


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Will-G said:


> Never had children


In the end it depends if you believe in faithfulness or cheating. Committment or throwing your wife away. 
O


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

How much money you have is meaningless to the conversation. You just want to know if it's okay to cheat on your wife, correct? And with a married women, correct?

If you have one shred of conscious, you already know the answer.

Why anyone would marry someone that was unfaithful in a previous marriage is beyond me.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Why not both? Why not put the energy you're putting into the other woman into your wife? Start dating her again, find an interest that you can share together.

You're talking about throwing away a two and half decade marriage here. Your wife deserves better than this. At least earn your way out - you owe her that much.

1 - cut off all contact with the other woman
2 - talk to your wife
3 - work on your marriage.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Will-G said:


> . i developed a bond with the therapist, who is going through a divorce herself. over the last 6 months, we have fallen in love. we have so much in common, and have developed a very special relationship, that could last. But she is not financially set, with almost no retirement or savings.


A middle age physical therapist with no retirement and no savings is financially incompetent and irresponsible, or her income is going up her nose. 

And therapists work with many different people a day - if you haven't told her of your financial situation then what makes you special that you are the one she is supposedly falling for? Physical therapists work with professional athletes and body builders and fitness models etc. But the one she wants to ride off into the sunset with is some upper 50s married dude that was in an accident???

Does this gal actually know that she is supposedly in a relationship with you or are you jumping to some conclusions based on the fact she gives you good back rubs at the end of a PT session?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

bobert said:


> 1. If she will cheat _with _you, she will cheat _on _you.After she gets access to your money
> 
> 2. Don't be shocked when she loses her job and license for developing a relationship with a patient. Forget morality, she doesn't even have professional ethics
> 
> ...


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Will-G said:


> I have been in a marriage for 25 years. both of us are late 50s we have built a sound financial nest egg that will support us for the rest of our lives. (well over 1 million dollars)
> Unfortunately, there is no passion or deep love. We go about our daily lives alone, spending an hour or two together a day for the evening meal (2 or 3 times a week) We dont have a lot of shared interests anymore, and i feel we have grown far apart in our relationship.
> A little over a year ago, i was in an accident that required a lot of physical therapy. i developed a bond with the therapist, who is going through a divorce herself. over the last 6 months, we have fallen in love. we have so much in common, and have developed a very special relationship, that could last. But she is not financially set, with almost no retirement or savings.
> *I am torn between reaping a lifetime of hard work and financial freedom, or spending the rest of my days with some one who loves and cares for me.
> any advice?*


You could have both the money and spend your days with someone that loves you by staying with your wife and repairing your marriage. 

Your relationship with the therapist is doomed I think. At best it is built on a flimsy case a transference. Remember, she is paid to talk nice and treat you well. At worst it is built on you shared moral depravity. A long time husband cheating on his wife with the first woman to give him attention (paid for attention BTW) and a wife/therapist not yet divorced having sex with a patient. Sounds like a real bedrock foundation for a lasting relationship.

How old is this therapist anyway? A physical therapist around here will make more than $100k/yr. Kind of strange that someone with that much income potential has no savings.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You know all that effort you put into repairing your body after you accident, put the same kind of effort into repairing your marriage & you will get both. 

Learn about transference. That is what you have with your therapist, not love You also need a new therapist at this point. It's unethical for the therapist to continue to treat you.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

I am going to step in here, just to say that a million dollars really doesn't go that far when you are still in your 50's. And half of that really really doesn't go that far. You may be willing to live on love and what's left of your savings after attorney fees and spousal support, your lady friend maybe not so much.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Pam said:


> I am going to step in here, just to say that a million dollars really doesn't go that far when you are still in your 50's. And half of that really really doesn't go that far. You may be willing to live on love and what's left of your savings after attorney fees and spousal support, your lady friend maybe not so much.


I would be more than happy with that amount or half that amount.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Why do you think your wife stays married? Honestly. If you are in the states, she could easily leave and take a nice chunk of your financial security with her. But so far she hasn't, why? 

As far as the PT girl, I get it, she probably looks great in yoga pants but so what. You're married. If you're worried about the financial cost, go see a lawyer and an advisor and they might be able to help come up with a plan to minimize the carnage as much as possible.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Will-G said:


> I am torn between reaping a lifetime of hard work and financial freedom, or spending the rest of my days with some one who loves and cares for me.
> any advice?


If therapist is 20 go for it.
If therapist is 50 no way.


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