# Need advice....



## Aalia1234 (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi,
I am new in this forum. actually I am having some problem in my married life. I have been married for around 2 yrs now and my in laws are living with me. There was a ceremony related to death(one which is celebrated 4 yrs after death in our culture). My inlaws and husband were going to attend that ceremony in their native town. It was my husband's uncle death ceremony. They were knowing that I am not coming with them because of leave problem in office. Just one night before they had to go my husband asked me to take 2 days leave and come with them. But since I am a working women and it was not possible for me to take leave at that time on phone also. I couldnt make it. Now after 2 days they are back but none of them is talking to me properly. None of them understood my problem not even my husband. Now I dont know what to do. They only respond o what I ask and are not talking as they use to do before.


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## Marianita (Feb 24, 2013)

I think you have to talk directly to them and to be honest about your feelings. It's not healthy to hide things which can harm your marriage


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

Ok, so they're angry... I think you should take another look at the situation, based only on what information you've given.

My question is: are you part of their religion, or do you take an active role in your family's cultural identity or other practices?

Now, based on your answer to that question, you yourself knew about this ceremony, its' importance to them, and you had FOUR YEARS to prepare for it.


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## Aalia1234 (Apr 11, 2013)

Huggybear

I am just married for 2 years so no time of 4 years. Secondly they already had agreed that you need not to come it is ok but everything happened at last moment when it was difficult for me to take leave. Ya i am of same religion and I do take part in all their cultural activities.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think you need to take your husband aside and remind him of soem things:

1)They told you it was fine for your to not come. You never even knew the uncle, did you?

2) You cannot afford to lose your job. Does your income go to help support your inlaws?

3) You expect him, as your husband to smooth is over with his parents. He will do it if he wants a happy home life.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Based on what you wrote, it sounds a bit that though the in-laws and your husband said it was ok that you not attend, some of them really had hoped you would and prevailed on your husband at the last moment to try to get you to come.perhaps it was even your husband. 
I am not familiar with the cultural and religious traditions you mention but these can be very strong and not taking part can cause friction. That sounds to be the case in your situation. 
You don't mention what your relationship is with your in- laws. This cold also be a factor.
Apparently this was a very important event for your husband and his family. You don't mention if you were aware of this importance. 
It may have been unrealistic for you to take time off on short notice when your husband asked you and your comments indicate it was difficult, possibly impossible, to take any time off. Based on what you've shared, this is the point I would emphasize if I were you.


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## Aalia1234 (Apr 11, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I think you need to take your husband aside and remind him of soem things:
> 
> 1)They told you it was fine for your to not come. You never even knew the uncle, did you?
> 
> ...


No I had never met him. He passed away before our marriage.

No my income does not support inlaws. It is just I wana work that is why I am doing job. Inlaws are not interested in my doing job. But being an engineer I want to do job. It was also my parents wish that I do job.


I didnt get your last point plz explain.


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## Aalia1234 (Apr 11, 2013)

Maneo said:


> Based on what you wrote, it sounds a bit that though the in-laws and your husband said it was ok that you not attend, some of them really had hoped you would and prevailed on your husband at the last moment to try to get you to come.perhaps it was even your husband.
> I am not familiar with the cultural and religious traditions you mention but these can be very strong and not taking part can cause friction. That sounds to be the case in your situation.
> You don't mention what your relationship is with your in- laws. This cold also be a factor.
> Apparently this was a very important event for your husband and his family. You don't mention if you were aware of this importance.
> It may have been unrealistic for you to take time off on short notice when your husband asked you and your comments indicate it was difficult, possibly impossible, to take any time off. Based on what you've shared, this is the point I would emphasize if I were you.




I emphasized but it was like they were not ready to understand my point. They only cared of the aunt who persuaded to get me there. But even I had problem so I cldnt go. In may again there is afamily function or which I have t take 5 days off


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## SalvageMyMarriage (Apr 6, 2013)

Yes, I also think you should tell your husband how you feel. Don't ignore your feelings and I don't think it's right for him to ignore yours. Also ask him how his parents really felt about you not going. Try explaining to your in-laws again if the "silent treatment" persists.


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## Aalia1234 (Apr 11, 2013)

SalvageMyMarriage said:


> Yes, I also think you should tell your husband how you feel. Don't ignore your feelings and I don't think it's right for him to ignore yours. Also ask him how his parents really felt about you not going. Try explaining to your in-laws again if the "silent treatment" persists.


ya I told him that i felt all alone and that he was ignoring me which hurted me a lot but he was like I am only wrong. But afterwards he was talking properly like nothing had happened.


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