# I cheated... What do I do now?



## Tagathor (Apr 24, 2012)

So I have some problems. I like sex. Maybe to much, maybe there is an addiction there. Thats not the point.

Im not sure what to say here or even how to say it. So i guess I just start at the beginning.

I met my wife in high school. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She made me so happy. We dated a little bit in high school but we didnt have a lot of time because I was a senior and she was a sophomore. I met her about halfway through the school year and then I graduated. Right after I graduated I joined the Marine Corps. And then immediately left. 

Something about the Marine Corps changed me. I used to be a great person. I was kinda nerdy ya... But I was respectful and kind and openhearted. Now I'm just mean and angry all the time. I started to grow into an addiction of sex... I went to strip clubs and spent ass loads of money on pointless girls.

Life got hard after that. We were on and off for a long time. I eventually deployed in 2009. I told her before I deployed that I didn't want to be with her and that I thought it was a bad idea for us to be together. But for some reason when I wasn't with her I felt empty... Alone... Something was missing. So I contacted her via email and asked her to come back. Now granted I was in Kuwait at this time but I wanted her to be mine. And she was. We were good for a time. I deployed again in 2010. After which we got married. And again it was great. 

Then everything started to fall apart. I started talking to women online. I dont know why. Nothing ever came of it. But my wife did find out. It took a long time for us to grow back together but we did. I made everything good again. And then I left the Marine Corps behind. I came home. We got an apartment with our two kids and we have been happy for a year or so now. But the other night I did something bad. 

A friend of my wife's came over to have some drinks and party a little with us. Everything was going fine... Until my wife went to bed. I was smashed. I look back and wonder why I didnt just go to bed when my wife did. I should have. Because me and this girl ended up have sex in the laundry room. It was only like 5 minutes of sex. But my wife came in. She caught us red handed dead in the act. It was bad. The worst part is that she didnt even yell... She just packed some bags and left. She took the kids and left. She just came back today. She said she wants to work it out. But I dont know what to do. Someone please help me. I dont want to lose her. I dont want to lose my family. I made a drunken mistake. It was a horrible decision. It never should have happened. But I need help. I need someone to help me figure out how to fix this. Please does anyone have any ideas???


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What's to figure out? You make a promise, you keep it. Didn't the Corps say the same? If looking at porn isn't helping you be a faithful husband, quit looking at porn. If drinking alcohol interferes with your ability to be a decent husband, quit drinking. You are an adult, responsible for your actions. You either pull your head out of your backside and make adult decisions or your kids are going to be sending some other guy Fathers Day cards and your wife will be giving some other guy Valentine's Day sex. You know you're a horndog. Most guys are. You know it's not a good idea for you to be alone with another woman. You know it's not a good idea for you to be alone, drinking alcohol with another woman. If you didn't want to cheat, you would have stopped this before it even started. For some astonishing reason, your wife is giving you a second chance. You aren't 16. This isn't high school. You have a wife and two kids. Your kids will be forever damaged if you screw this thing up. Doesn't matter what you think you're addicted to. Basically all normal guys like sex. Doesn't matter if you think you married too early, for the wrong reasons, or that the planets aren't exactly in line. Two little people are walking on this earth with your DNA. Had they been asked, they probably would have asked for a better dad, but they got you. You decide today whether you will be a man of honor your wife, kids and grandkids will know and adore or if you will be a piece of crap folks only whisper about.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

You need to learn about boundaries. Clearly something you have missed thus far in life. If you really want to save this you have a lot of painful work to do. First you have to share everything with your wife - everything. You can have no secrets, all of those thoughts and dark corners of your mind - you have to reveal them all to her. You both have to swear off any contact or relationship with the OW forever. You have to spend a lot of time and probably money figuring out what inside of you that you are trying to fill with this behavior. This will probably involve a lot of counseling for you. It will certainly involve a lot of long hard looks in the mirror. Give her and do for her whatever she needs without question or resentment. 

Before you do all of this though ask yourself if you are really committed to this process and to her. Do not drag her through this unless you are so personally committed to not hurting her again that you'd rather eat broken glass. If you go forward you can never lie to her again, not a little white lie, not a lie of omission, nothing. 

Are you prepared to do all of this?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And speaking as someone who cheated... You need to ditch the whole "I don't know why" attitude. You better damn well figure out WHY, or you're doomed to repeating your behavior. And hurting your wife, until she has enough and refuses to take it anymore.

Btw, was your sex with the other woman unprotected? Been in for your STD test yet?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This might be one of hte worst betrayals I've ever read on TAM. You fvcked your wife's friend in your own house and your wife caught you.

Egads!

If you want to fix this: you need to won your sh*t. And you need to cry and beg and plead her to stay with you, go over and beyond to instill her trust for you through your actions. No contact with the skank who had zero problems doing you in your wife's home. 

Ick.

I kind of wish this a troll thread because the blatant nature of the betrayal is... really bad.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

You created a username called "Tagathor" which to me sounds like a pun off of you liking to "Tag" some punani and turning it into a handle for yourself. I can't possibly take you seriously in wanting to reach out for help here in fixing yourself. It sounds more like you're proud of your craving for sex and ability to fulfill it.


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## TheHurt5088 (Apr 24, 2012)

Bottled Up said:


> You created a username called "Tagathor" which to me sounds like a pun off of you liking to "Tag" some punani and turning it into a handle for yourself. I can't possibly take you seriously in wanting to reach out for help here in fixing yourself. It sounds more like you're proud of your craving for sex and ability to fulfill it.


Just to say This user name has been used by him for many years as a video game name on diablo, wow, xbox live so on so yea not some crazy pun on anything


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## TheHurt5088 (Apr 24, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> This might be one of hte worst betrayals I've ever read on TAM. You fvcked your wife's friend in your own house and your wife caught you.
> 
> Egads!
> 
> ...



I am slightly confused by your type, But i think i get the jist. Is this really the worst thing you've ever read on here ? I havn't looked because at this point just hearing about other peoples instances dreadges up my pain. I want to believe that everything can just be ok with a lot of work but i'm not 100% sure that everything is there to do that .


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yes, it's seriously one of the worst I've ever read on here.
Because not only did the betrayal occur, he did it in his OWN marital HOUSE with his wife sleeping close by and then the wife walked in on him and her friend (double betrayal) while they were actually doing it, while he was inside her friend.

That is pretty fvcking bad.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

TheHurt5088 said:


> Just to say This user name has been used by him for many years as a video game name on diablo, wow, xbox live so on so yea not some crazy pun on anything


Are you his wife??

I hope you are - you need to hear what the people here will have to say.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What do you do?

You get ready for her to divorce you. I mean, do you think she can forgive that?


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## TheHurt5088 (Apr 24, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Yes, it's seriously one of the worst I've ever read on here.
> Because not only did the betrayal occur, he did it in his OWN marital HOUSE with his wife sleeping close by and then the wife walked in on him and her friend (double betrayal) while they were actually doing it, while he was inside her friend.
> 
> That is pretty fvcking bad.


For ALL TO KNOW I am his wife


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## TheHurt5088 (Apr 24, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> Are you his wife??
> 
> I hope you are - you need to hear what the people here will have to say.


I am his wife. My version of this story is posted as well


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If you're for real, and a sex addict, then get yourself some help.

HealthyMind.com - Support groups for sex addiction

12-Step Groups

Your best bet for getting good information about 12-step meeetings in your area is to contact the national groups; they all have information for this purpose. Unfortunately, I'm not familiar with specific help or meetings in cities than Washington, DC. I have included the local DC phone numbers here. 

Fortunately, there are 12-step meetings for sex addicts and their partners just as there are for other addictions. The list below gives a brief description of the programs, their focus and attendance. The national telephone numbers can also provide specific meeting information in various cities. I have also included the local numbers for the Washington, DC, metro area. 

S.A.A. - Sex Addicts Anonymous: National 12-step program encourages participants to define their sexual sobriety through the boundaries of a "Sex Plan" which is evolved by working with other recovering members. Population is mixed, primarily men, both homosexual and heterosexual with some female attendance.
Sex Addicts Anonymous ® — Home
DC metro: 703-912-1904
S.C.A. - Sexual Compulsives Anonymous: 12-step program found in major urban areas nationally. Primarily attended by gay and bisexual men and some women. Participants define their sexual sobriety through the boundaries of a "Sex Plan" which is evolved by working with other recovering members. Has a program for partners of sexual addicts.
SCA - Sexual Compulsives Anonymous
DC metro: Sexual Compulsives Anonymous - Washington, DC - 202-736-3736
S.L.A.A. - Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: National 12 step program focused on addictive sexual and romantic relationships. Helpful for people who consistently involve themselves in abusive, non-nurturing relationships as well as sexual addicts. This program tends to attract more mixed male/female group.
Recovery is Here. | Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
DC metro: SLAADC - 301-503-1048
S.A. - Sexaholics Anonymous: National 12 step program which employs the most restricted definition of sexual recovery. Sobriety is defined as "No sexual behavior outside of a committed (heterosexual) marital relationship." Population is primarily heterosexual men, some women do attend. Has a program for spouses of sexual addicts and offenders called S-Anon.
What is Sexaholics Anonymous? and S-Anon sanon.org
SA in DC metro: sites.google.com/site/samddcnova/home - 703-866-6929
S-Anon in DC metro: 703-440-1875
What is Sexaholics Anonymous?
S.R.A. - Sexual Recovery Anonymous: Sobriety includes "freedom from sex outside a mutually committed relationship." Population is primarily men, both gay and straight with some female attendance.
Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA) - Welcome to Sexual Recovery Anonymous
Not active in DC metro area according to their website

Find a certified sexz addiction therapist
Sex Addiction Therapists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists, Sex Addict Therapists



For the wife

Groups for couples, spouses, partners, and family members

The following 12-Step fellowships are for friends and family of sexual compulsives, or for couples. Also, I have written a page here with information and recommendations for the partners and spouses of sex addicts. 

R.C.A. - Recovering Couples Anonymous: A newly beginning 12 step program which helps partners who are addicts or co-addicts on issues of commitment, intimacy and mutual recovery, with a focus on improving the significant-other bond. All couples, married, non-married, gay and straight, are welcome.
recovering-couples.org
DC metro: see website for phone numbers
COSA - A recovery program for men and women whose lives have been affected by someone else's sexual behavior.
Welcome to COSA
DC metro: contact national office for meetings
S-ANON - See SA above


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

The 2 of you---do your brains even function

The H---you don't have any excuse, you don't have any boundaries---you don't even F'ing know what mge is,---DO YOU------you think the whole f'ing world is a big lark---well guess what slick---it ain't---and you have brought 2 kids into this total disaster----If there was ever a good place for sterilization---IT IS YOUR MGE.

To the wife---why would you in any way shape or form---stay with this loser---you call a H.

I hope he doesn't tell anyone he is a marine/x-marine---he is one big embarresment to the corp.

He, in his own home---screws your best friend, one room away from his own kids---he blames it on alcohol----and you went to bed--allowing it all to happen---why did you not tell your friend it was time for her to leave

If you do stay---and I really do not understand why you would---you both need IC----the alcohol, needs to stop completely, and any other substance you are using---and you both need to look up the definition, of mge/fidelity/child rearing----cuz right now, neither of you has any clue----and your kids, sad to say, will probably emulate the 2 of you-----sad future, for your family.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Tagathor said:


> So I have some problems. I like sex. Maybe to much, maybe there is an addiction there. Thats not the point.
> 
> Im not sure what to say here or even how to say it. So i guess I just start at the beginning.
> 
> ...



You sound young and immature, like a typical 20 something. Nothing wrong with that itself. I was all through my 20s.

But I purposefully didn't get married during that time because I knew I wasn't ready because I was doing stuff like this.

The expression "sowing wild oats" comes to mind.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You can sow all the wild oats you want, and it would be proper-----for those that are SINGLE and NOT PARENTS


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

TheHurt5088 said:


> For ALL TO KNOW I am his wife


And? My opinion hasn't changed at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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