# hurting...



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

...so bad.
I can't stop crying all day. I just came back from a good walk at the park with the kids got in the car and cried the whole way while driving....still do.I realized how much i love him ...OMG i feel like i would allow him to step on me like doormat so i can have him back.
What am I going to do,i won't be able to forget him...never....
I just love him so much...it hurts so bad...
Why did that have to happen...i don't understand...i keep thinking of what he's giving up and can't understand...for what...?!
To throw away so much love....

It's so hard to feel like that and have to take care of kids....i lost my appetite again and desire to do anything...i knew it it's coming...God help me!

Thanks for listening!


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Hey babe...keep talking to us...keep posting when it hurts...we will be here even if he won't...hold those kids tight, give them hugs...

Look to God and family for support...you can do this, I've read your posts...and you are strong...you can do this!!!


----------



## Shock (Jan 22, 2011)

Keep strong vivea, keep strong

deep breaths, DjF is right, keep posting with us, it helps that we're not alone. 

take care.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

*hugs* 

We can all get through this, we are lucky as we have our beautiful children to keep us going.

Its the not knowing and not understanding that's the hard part  xxx


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> *hugs*
> 
> We can all get through this, we are lucky as we have our beautiful children to keep us going.


speak for yourselves 
At this point the W is moving this weekend, and so far has ignored requests for contact details for my kids, how the heck am I going to be able to keep in contact if I don't know where they are ?



> Its the not knowing and not understanding that's the hard part  xxx


you got that right


----------



## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Hugs to you V.


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Hey Crank...does she have a court order (or however it works down your way) for custody? Why not just disappear with the kids for the weekend???

Or go stealth and follow her azz to the new place???

Man, my friend, I feel for you...couldn't imagine that hurdle...best of luck!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Thank you all friends. 
It helps to read your encouraging words.((((HUGS)))) to all of you.

I'm feeling a little better ,i had a family member to talk to all night so i'm trying to stay positive...it'll probably hit me hard again in the morning but for now i am ready for a peaceful sleep...hopefully...with my med. 

I have a divorce lawyer meeting tomorrow at 10:30 am ,have to get prepared...it's time!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> Hey Crank...does she have a court order (or however it works down your way) for custody?


No, I am no position to fight for custody of the kids.



> Why not just disappear with the kids for the weekend???


easter, Daughter has suggested she, her partner, my eldest son, his partner, me and my 2 youngest all go camping for a few days at Wilsons Prom (victoria, australia) (maps.google.com)



> Or go stealth and follow her azz to the new place???


Look, if I really wanted to know where she is living, I can find out with too much effort, but all I want at this point is phone contact details.



> Man, my friend, I feel for you...couldn't imagine that hurdle...best of luck!


It will all be OK soonish.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Thank you all friends.
> It helps to read your encouraging words.((((HUGS)))) to all of you.


Vivea, you are a trooper, but if you need a little tablet for help sometimes, do not be afraid to see a Dr for a prescription (I find Seroquel does wonder for me, evens out the lows very quickly)



> I'm feeling a little better ,i had a family member to talk to all night so i'm trying to stay positive...it'll probably hit me hard again in the morning but for now i am ready for a peaceful sleep...hopefully...with my med.


It is fantastic to be able to talk to someone who will just let you go, who will give you the hug when you need it, make full use of all your support systems.

I take 2 tamazepan & 1 imsleep and have been getting 4 - 5 hrs in one hit, don't like taking them, but I know if I don't I will be a quivering mess *again* in a few day from lack of sleep.



> I have a divorce lawyer meeting tomorrow at 10:30 am ,have to get prepared...it's time!


Good luck, though,m I doubt you will need it


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> Good luck, though,m I doubt you will need it


Crank you know that this little sentence is gold , this little sentence gives me as much as my anti anxiety pill 
God bless for just giving me a little piece of positiveness.I really lack that now a days. Not over till it's over right!
----
Hope you have a good sleep Crank, my heart breaks for you and your kids. Hopefully soon she'll forgive you and let you in your kids life!


----------



## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Vivea,
My heart goes out to you. I can understand what you're feeling and its so painful, especially when you see your beautiful children. I know you want to be strong for them but at the same time, seeing their faces makes your heartache that much more painful. I feel exactly like you do, and am trying not to let my soon to be exhusband use me as a doormat, but sometimes I miss him so bad, I feel like I would do anything for him just to be back. It has been so very hard and since he started getting detached, a few months ago, I lost my appetite too. Ive not gained any weight for the past 3 & 1/2 months. And now, I am also somewhat of an insomniac. 
Do hang in there my dear. There is always the hope that things will get better but it just takes a lot of time. 
Hugs and prayers for you,
Sakaye
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank you know that this little sentence is gold , this little sentence gives me as much as my anti anxiety pill
> God bless for just giving me a little piece of positiveness.I really lack that now a days. Not over till it's over right!
> ----
> Hope you have a good sleep Crank, my heart breaks for you and your kids. Hopefully soon she'll forgive you and let you in your kids life!


Listen here girly, the last couple of months have been absolute hell for me, today I had a brilliant day, everything that I had to do today just went right, damn, even my ex sister in law (from 1st marriage) has invited my daughter & me over to her place for lunch next week.

For almost 2 weeks I have been battling Optus (mobile phone) to get the number in my name, it is meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but it was a personal battle for me, today that phone number is mine to do with what ever I want.

And you wanna know what it is... SLEEP & brilliant support from those that are closest to me and being able to ramble on on this forum, and to have some absolutely fantastic replies that have given me support and something to think about

If you can take someone with you to see your lawyer, that would be fantastic (my daughter sat with me yesterday during my psych appointment).

I don't know you, never met you in real life, but from what I have read here you are a fantastic person who has had to put up with a lot of sh*t.

Take one of your anti anxiety pill, look in the mirror and tell yourself 'I can do this standing on my head' 

hugs to you, and just do it !!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Hope you have a good sleep Crank, my heart breaks for you and your kids. Hopefully soon she'll forgive you and let you in your kids life!


******, didn't even see this part 

thanks, sleep is getting a bit easier, if she plays hard ball too much I will have no choice but to take it to court, where I will have Dr speak for me 

ha ha, just got an sms from here, saying there is mail there for me, where should she forward it to, she knows the address here.
my reply, 'busy, will email u l8er' 
I am more in control, she has less control over me, I am 'manning up' not being the 'nice guy' that I always was, and it feels good


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Sakaye said:


> Vivea,
> a few months ago, I lost my appetite too. Ive not gained any weight for the past 3 & 1/2 months. And now, I am also somewhat of an insomniac.


classic signs of depression. Been there, doing that, I have my appetite back, but in the last few months I have gone from 95kg to 78kg, dropped 17kg (errrr, about 38lb), have gone from maybe 2 - 3 hours of broken sleep to getting about 5hrs of solid sleep, need to be able to get that up to about 7 - 8 hrs an I will be back to where I was about 2 years ago.
Go see a Dr, get yourself back in shape (ie: appetite and sleep) and then you will be in a position to start really dealing with issues. (damn I am being so positive today, fingers crossed that it continues


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> ******, didn't even see this part
> 
> ha ha, just got an sms from here, saying there is mail there for me, where should she forward it to, she knows the address here.
> my reply, 'busy, will email u l8er'
> I am more in control, she has less control over me, I am 'manning up' not being the 'nice guy' that I always was, and it feels good


This is what I am intending on doing now. He was invited over for dinner today (was invited before he said he wants out for good) and he was still considering coming?! 

I sent him an text this moring "Scrap the invite for this evening, I now have other plans, have a nice day" He knows that I went out last night (I sent him a drunken 'plan b-esque' text bloody ejit!) but now I am hoping it's planted a seed and he's wondering what my 'plans' are.. Infact this morning a friend has invited me out on a girls night, I haven't got all dressed up, and had a good night out since before he left... my friend said don't tell him we're going out, just put our pics on FB and he'll see them. I don't know if this just seems a little childish? I mean if he doesn't want me, will he really be bothered?

I NEED to be strong now, suck it up, 'woman up'  I am so scared that he'll be happy that I've moved on.. it's been almost 4 months I am praying that because he's had me on 'tap' that it will be a sudden shock to his system.. We'll see.. I won't find out unless I do it!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank..thank you buddy for all the wonderful things you're saying to me,it means a lot.I'm so so happy to hear that things are turning for you.I'm rooting for you to take a little charge of the situation.Love your text msg response to her :smthumbup:

AmImad... sounds good what you're doing,i am for provoking ...i think its worth trying different things and see if he responds to any and how he responds ,hopefully you'll shake him a little.

We act childish because they act childish too...i guess we have to speak the same language so they can see...


----------



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

Vivea--

I know exactly what you are going thru and I agree with you 100% of everything that you wrote. In my situation....when I let my head do the thinking...it tells me that I deserve better. Nobody should be treated like this. But, when I think with my heart.....I think that it doesnt matter how what he has said or done....I would take him back in a heartbeat if that what he finally decided to do. 

I don't know you personally, but I do know you thru your posts and like the others have said....you are a strong person who is going to get thru this and be an even stronger person when all is said and done. We all will!!!! We just have to hold on to hope and faith and everything else will fall into place....eventually.

You will survive!!!!


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank..thank you buddy for all the wonderful things you're saying to me,it means a lot.I'm so so happy to hear that things are turning for you.I'm rooting for you to take a little charge of the situation.Love your text msg response to her :smthumbup:


little low at the moment, only had 3 or 4 hours sleep, it is pelting down with rain so much that I can't even hear myself think, but so load it has kept me awake 



> We act childish because they act childish too...i guess we have to speak the same language so they can see...


:iagree:


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Thank you denise  ,i'm just so scared that if the worst happens i'm going to be one of this ppl that gets stuck and still hoping that may be one day he will be back... and not moving on for a long time...that scares me...i need my sanity ...i just can't feel like that for a long time...it's like living in Hell.

Crank...i can't wait for nights now when i can take my pill and fall asleep,it's now the highlight of my day ...how horrible is that...to look forward to that little pill that helps you sleep...pathetic...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...i can't wait for nights now when i can take my pill and fall asleep,it's now the highlight of my day ...how horrible is that...to look forward to that little pill that helps you sleep...pathetic...


days are way too long for me (well, today anyways!), It's 3:30 in the arvo, Saturday, and I am running out of tissues today, going for a lie down for a while, and the magic pills didn't work last night 

Take care princess.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Remember that the part of you that still loves him is the weak, insecure part, the part that will let someone hurt them and then say, "give me more pain, just don't leave me." We all have that part of us and sometimes it takes a crisis like this to learn to manage that part of ourselves.

The strong part of you knows your children are MUCH more important than anyone who would not love and respect you for the fabulous person you are. Strong-U-(wo)man (your own personal super-hero) knows that you can and will get through this, as you learn to put to bed that little, weak insecure part (we can't get rid of it, but we can make damn sure it goes to bed early in our lives, like now, and stays out of grown up affairs, always). Strong-U-man can do anything she sets her mind to, in a responsible and adult fashion. She surrounds herself with people who love and respect her, and whom she loves and respects (or at least has a heck of a good time with). Strong-U-man rocks! 

So, put on your Strong-U-man cape and head out to conquer the villains preventing you from having the joyful life you deserve. Easy? Nope--it wouldn't make a good story, would it? But definitely, something Strong-U-man can do!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

What i've realized ...and i knew that... but now i really know it.. is that i not only love him but i'm in love with him,i love him and i always have the same way as when i met him....that is what makes it harder for me to be strong.
Also i know that i'm waaay more miserable without him than being with him even when he would lie to me about something...

I can act all I want that I'm OK and I will make it but the truth is above. I know that i will make it if I have to...there is no other way but I'll be miserable for a very long time... 

If that makes me weak..so be it,he is the love of my life and i will be hurting for a very long time.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

vivea said:


> What i've realized ...and i knew that... but now i really know it.. is that i not only love him but i'm in love with him,i love him and i always have the same way as when i met him....that is what makes it harder for me to be strong.
> Also i know that i'm waaay more miserable without him than being with him even when he would lie to me about something...
> 
> I can act all I want that I'm OK and I will make it but the truth is above. I know that i will make it if I have to...there is no other way but I'll be miserable for a very long time...
> ...


That is exactly how I feel about my H.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> That is exactly how I feel about my H.


the three of us make a great group 

You know where to contact me off forum 

Just had pancakes with golden syrup made for me for breakfast, yummy


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank...good morning ,weird that is already a morning there  ...how did you sleep....you seem in good spirits with appetite ... awesome.:smthumbup:


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Crank, Vivea, AmImad...I feel for you...I feel your pain...I'm at this party tonight where we've been doing all of this cooking for, and I see my friends with their wives hanging on them, girlfriends running around...and I'm having a good time, but I just feel empty while there...

Thats where I am at...the pain has dulled, I can sleep...eat...but I just feel empty 100% of the time...and I wonder if she ever comes back, will I ever feel whole again...this has taken so much out of me, and the longer it goes on, the less faith in love I have...

I'm doing okay, but I wear painted smiles for the most part...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Crank...good morning ,weird that is already a morning there  ...how did you sleep....you seem in good spirits with appetite ... awesome.:smthumbup:


in bed at about 10:00pm, woke up at about 3am, back to seep till 5am, then 6am I got up, lack of sleep is what kills me, depression & insomnia go hand in hand, one get worse, the other gets worse


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> Crank, Vivea, AmImad...I feel for you...I feel your pain...I'm at this party tonight where we've been doing all of this cooking for, and I see my friends with their wives hanging on them, girlfriends running around...and I'm having a good time, but I just feel empty while there...


Know how that is, been to a couple of get togethers, 20+ other people there, but I was just alone, no partner 



> Thats where I am at...the pain has dulled, I can sleep...eat...but I just feel empty 100% of the time...and I wonder if she ever comes back, will I ever feel whole again...this has taken so much out of me, and the longer it goes on, the less faith in love I have...


sucks, doesn't it, I would go back with my W in a heartbeat, but I am not sure I want to.



> I'm doing okay, but I wear painted smiles for the most part...


Thats what we do so others don't feel the pain & hurt that we are going through because we don't want to ruin their days, or, for us men, don't want others to see how 'weak' we really are


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

"sucks, doesn't it, I would go back with my W in a heartbeat, but I am not sure I want to."

I can't get Fleetwood mac's song out of my head...

Well I've been afraid of changin'
because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too....


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> "sucks, doesn't it, I would go back with my W in a heartbeat, but I am not sure I want to."
> 
> I can't get Fleetwood mac's song out of my head...
> 
> ...


Landslide
YouTube - Fleetwood Mac - Landslide (with lyrics)


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

I went out with friends on Friday evening, I drank alot, had attractive men dancing with me, but all the while I was thinking of my H and missing him, I felt guilty for being there, but he was the one that wanted this.. He isn't in turmoil, he seems happy with his decision.. 

Beyonce's ave maria has this line in the lyrics:

I've been alone when I'm surrounded by friends
How could the silence be so loud?

That's exactly how I felt 

Jeff Buckley's Last Good Bye:


This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die.
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go:
You gave me more to live for,
More than you'll ever know.

Well, this is our last embrace,
Must I dream and always see your face?
Why can't we overcome this wall?
Baby, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all.

Kiss me, please kiss me,
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation.
Oh, you know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye.

Did you say, "No, this can't happen to me"?
And did you rush to the phone to call?
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind saying,
"Maybe, you didn't know him at all,
you didn't know him at all,
oh, you didn't know"?

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime,
Burning clues into this heart of mine.
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes, and the memories
Offer signs that it's over, it's over.


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

That's a sad song..


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> That's a sad song..


I hate it when all the best songs that pop into your head are all the sad ones


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> I hate it when all the best songs that pop into your head are all the sad ones


Most of the songs I like are somewhat angry or angst-ridden. Used to drive my husband nuts. 

Here's the song that I've been singing recently...

Linkin Park "In The End"

_It starts with
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day

The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me

I’m surprised it got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me

In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter_


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

damn freak, thats strong, try: YouTube - Beatles -- The End (Lyrics)


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea - sorry for somewhat derailing your thread


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

You all rock!!!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> vivea - sorry for somewhat derailing your thread


crank...please you're welcome ,we took over your thread so all is good.
It doesn't matter,keep writing people.It takes my anxiety away ...even for a little bit.

Love you guys!


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> damn freak, thats strong, try: YouTube - Beatles -- The End (Lyrics)


A bit sparse and monotonous..:scratchhead:

Different strokes..


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> crank...please you're welcome ,we took over your thread so all is good.


literally :lol:



> It doesn't matter,keep writing people.It takes my anxiety away ...even for a little bit.


good, glad to read that.



> Love you guys!


right back pretty lady.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> A bit sparse and monotonous..:scratchhead:
> 
> Different strokes..


but nowhere near as harsh


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Its a shame we all live so far away from each other, we could have had a get together! haha 

Thank you all for making my life just a little bit more bearable, I actually look forward to our little chats! xxx


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> but nowhere near as harsh


True, but it doesn't speak to ME at all. That's what music is! It's like food. Some like ice cream, others like pizza. 

Linkin Park=me. There are tons of their songs that I can relate to and this is just one of them. Most of their album _Meteora_ seems written for me. It's the same with Korn. Heck, when it comes to harsh, Korn is even harsher but it's what I relate to. I don't relate to the Beatles at all. 

That is something that bothered my husband A LOT. He hated that I love "angry" music. Once, he went through our CD collection and tried to compile a CD that could be "ours". It wasn't easy. In fact, it was downright impossible and he got all angry and frustrated himself AT ME for liking what i like in music! He wanted me to like what he liked and when I didn't it was MY problem. 

He would put a song on and say "Don't you hear what the man is saying, can't you relate?" Most times not..Until he put on the Johnny Cash cover song of "Hurt". 

It's just the way I'm put together I guess. 

Actually we did wind up finding a few groups and bands that we liked together. One of them is Collective Soul. Saw them in concert a few times and we have a few cover bands we would see together and enjoyed checking out some "Indie" bands at the local bars but for recorded music we are still worlds apart. 

Oh well...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Its a shame we all live so far away from each other, we could have had a get together! haha


you got that right, we could have one heck of a party !



> Thank you all for making my life just a little bit more bearable, I actually look forward to our little chats! xxx


this forum has made life a whole lot easier for me as well, xxx back at ya, with a hug or two thrown in for good measure


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> True, but it doesn't speak to ME at all. That's what music is! It's like food. Some like ice cream, others like pizza.


Jethro Tull, KISS, Donovan, ZZ Top, Emerson Lake & Palmer, Fleetwoon Mac, Bon Jovi, U2, Eric Clapton, Queen, AC/DC, Madonna, Led Zeppelin, (the list goes on!) I like ice cream & pizza 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlNhD0oS5pk


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

lets see...CCR, Eagles...early Chicago...loves me some Pink Floyd...James Taylor...


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Its a shame we all live so far away from each other, we could have had a get together! haha


OMG can you imagine...we would have a blast. I really wish we could do that. 

Because we are experiencing the exact same pain at the moment we are bonding pretty quick....No matter what happens in the future I will never forget you guys.I will probably be hanging out here for a long time anyways especially if things don't go my way.

I wish i knew what happens a year from now for all of us...where is the crystal ball.


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

"Where is the crystal ball???"

she took it when she moved out...hahahahaha


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

hahahahahaha good one :rofl:


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> Jethro Tull, KISS, Donovan, ZZ Top, Emerson Lake & Palmer, Fleetwoon Mac, Bon Jovi, U2, Eric Clapton, Queen, AC/DC, Madonna, Led Zeppelin, (the list goes on!) I like ice cream & pizza


Ok..I'll bite..

I like a full course buffet but my top favs at this time are...

Korn (Duh! ), Disturbed, Papa Roach, Avenged Sevenfold, Rob Zombie, Linkin Park, earlier Kid Rock, Eminem, Atreyu, A Day to Remember, Three Days Grace, My Chemical Romance, Bullet for my Valentine, Green Day, Rage Against the Machine, Flyleaf, Red Hot Chili Peppers and a bunch of other stuff. I love early '80s punk (and modern punk too) as well as the classic stuff like AC/DC and Metallica and even stuff like George Thorogood and the Destroyers and the J. Geils Band. One of my favorite bands is Collective Soul and I like R.E.M., Crowded House, etc, etc... My tastes go all over the place. 

But I do tend to lean towards hard hitting, "angry" music with lots of guitars, bass and ah..oh yeah, SCREAMING!! :FIREdevil:

Ipod says I have just short of 1700 songs so I have quite a variety. I'm out almost of space on my Nano so when I get a Classic (16 vs 160 GB so a lot more capacity!! :smthumbup I can download even more. 

You can never, ever love too much music or have enough tunes..


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

A get together is a good idea. Many online forums that I've participated over the years have indeed organized gatherings where the people on the forums get together and meet. It's quite common. People from all over the country attend. It was mostly through my car clubs but almost all my kayak outings are from meeting groups that are on the internet. It's fun to meet new people put a face behind the name. 

And yes, we'd be quite the eclectic group. But something tells me we'd have a lot in common, :toast:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

DjF said:


> lets see...CCR, Eagles...early Chicago...loves me some Pink Floyd...James Taylor...


forgot about CCR, Pink Floyd & Eagles, James Taylor is OK as well.



vivea said:


> OMG can you imagine...we would have a blast. I really wish we could do that.


It would be the party to end all parties !



> I wish i knew what happens a year from now for all of us...where is the crystal ball.


it broke when she threw the rest of my stuff out (only kidding !)



Freak On a Leash; said:


> One of my favorite bands is Collective Soul and I like R.E.M., Crowded House, etc, etc... My tastes go all over the place.


the above three, add them to my 'likes' list 



> You can never, ever love too much music or have enough tunes..


or ice cream


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Song lyrics have always been special to me...I'll put some choice songs on the stereo, crank out the sound, and listen throughout the house...maybe it's because I am an English Lit. geek and I like a good play on words, maybe it's because lyrics can take us to a place we never expect to go to but long to visit, Celtic music does this for me...but mostly because lyrics can capture a moment in our lives and allows us to relive it, over and over...capture an emotion and let it move us again...allows us to feel 18 again...good lyrics are life's remix...

"Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late 
The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder 
I'm an over-forty victim of fate 
Arriving too late, arriving too late"


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

DjF said:


> Song lyrics have always been special to me...I'll put some choice songs on the stereo, crank out the sound, and listen throughout the house...maybe it's because I am an* English Lit. geek and I like a good play on words*, maybe it's because lyrics can take us to a place we never expect to go to but long to visit, Celtic music does this for me...but mostly because lyrics can capture a moment in our lives and allows us to relive it, over and over...capture an emotion and let it move us again...allows us to feel 18 again...good lyrics are life's remix...



Me too! I have such an eclectic taste, I wouldn't know where to start, every band/singer that has been mentioned I have at least one song from each that I love!

Vivea: I think I would be the same whatever way this goes, it would be good to stay in touch if anyone is interested in adding me on FB drop me a inbox. 

Freak: I was a bit of a geek girl back in the day and used to play world of warcraft and arranged a get together.. 23 men... and me! lol But I am still friends with them now.. :smthumbup:


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Vivea: I think I would be the same whatever way this goes, it would be good to stay in touch if anyone is interested in adding me on FB drop me a inbox.


got ya


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> got ya


Well I know you have! haha  xx


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

eventually i will add you guys in my FB, at the moment I'm inactive there...i just pretend i'm super busy,i actually have no desire to talk to anyone except people that know what i'm going through...i mean what do i say to ppl ,it's such a personal matter....if things turn for the worse i will say something but at the moment nobody needs to know...except close family members..


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Never done the FB thing. It's just not my scene and I have way too much going on without getting sucked into it. 

Like playing World of Warcraft, among other things. Will be logging on there in a few minutes...

Good day. It's rainy and crappy out. I'm not playing taxi service for my kids, got my customers called and my workout done so now I can relax.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Ladies and Gentleman, I think I should thank my H for leaving me, as if he didn't I wouldn't be getting to know you wonderful people! hehe

My children are now tucked up in bed, the tv is on, and I am sat wondering what to do, I need to get a hobby!


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

you can come fold my laundry!


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

DjF said:


> you can come fold my laundry!


Hey I'd gladly do it!!


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

On of the chores my wife always did...that and the book keeping...

We've survived so far...luckily, I can cook!


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

AmImad said:


> My children are now tucked up in bed, the tv is on, and I am sat wondering what to do, I need to get a hobby!


Hobbies are mandatory. With kids (don't know how old yours are), it can be a challenge but I don't know what I'd do without my hobbies. For the past 20 years they have sustained me. :smthumbup:

Think of what you like to do and do it! You have the internet at your disposal. It's much easier now to get out and do things and meet people then it was years ago. 

Some things I like to do is kayaking, camping, bicycling/hiking, skiing, playing computer games..always something new and interesting to see and do. I also love to go out to the clubs and see my favorite bands and see concerts. Yes, I do go by myself often but I'm beginning to meet people and make friends. 

I used to race cars, travel, go four-wheeling but that got expensive and taking off time from work and going away like that isn't possible now but I intend to get a motorcycle and take up road tripping again.


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Read some, spend a lot of time outside working on the family's 200 acre farm...hiking, running trails on the atv, hunting and fishing with my boys...anything outside!


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Hobbies are mandatory. With kids (don't know how old yours are), it can be a challenge but I don't know what I'd do without my hobbies. For the past 20 years they have sustained me. :smthumbup:
> 
> Think of what you like to do and do it! You have the internet at your disposal. It's much easier now to get out and do things and meet people then it was years ago.
> 
> ...


My children are 8 ,7 and 3, I am a bit of a neat freak, so my housework is all done! 

Being ill at the moment stops me from doing loads of out doorsy type things, I love running, before I was diagnosed I joined a running club, but I've had to stop. I have got a friend whos a personal trainer who is setting up an exercise regime for me.

I used to play games all the time (Mainly because of the H) I have tried since, but I just get bored now, it's like I have ADD or something, I flit from one thing to another! I went to a hobby shop the other day and bought a jewellery making kit, it's still sat in the bag!

I have started going out a bit more, I discovered an old school friend had moved half an hour up the road from me, so we've been catching up and she's invited me to things, which is really nice. It's just the evenings that get me, thats when I am sat wondering what 'He's' doing etc.. I am tired (mainly due to treatment) I think about going to bed early, I attempt to..I go upstairs and I just cant fall asleep! My body is knackered but my mind is wide awake!!


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Gosh..i wish my kids were a little older...with my 1 years old i can't do much....have to be home for her 2 naps during the day + feeding...it's hard.
I'm a photographer ,i would love to start my business but I can't at the moment. I can't even meet other Moms just because i carry so much baggage,how can i make friends with "hi,my husband left me"...


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

vivea said:


> Gosh..i wish my kids were a little older...with my 1 years old i can't do much....have to be home for her 2 naps during the day + feeding...it's hard.
> I'm a photographer ,i would love to start my business but I can't at the moment. I can't even meet other Moms just because i carry so much baggage,how can i make friends with "hi,my husband left me"...


I understand completely  I don't find myself wanting to make friends because I don't want to bring it up!


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Damn, I feel for you all with young kids. I had a rough time when my kids were younger. I just HATED being tied down to them, even though I loved them to death. I felt like I was being suffocated. 

It was my husband who would take up the slack and put out for the kids because I just couldn't hack it. I'm sure it added to his present resentment and anger because he often brings it up. 

For years my husband and I had NO life together because of the kids. We had no family or friends who could babysit and finding a sitter was next to impossible. In recent years we started being a couple like I'd always wanted. It's ironic that just when we got to the time of our lives that I was looking and planning for..when we could go out and do stuff on our own, as a couple, even go away overnight, our marriage came apart. :banghead:

My kids are 16 and 13 and to be honest, I don't think things would've been nearly as easy for me with this separation if they were younger. They are now quite self sufficient and my daughter is more of a friend and partner than a child. In fact, with my son at my husband's house for the weekends I feel more like I have a room mate than a kid..well, not when I have to taxi her around but even that will be ending in July when she gets her driver's license. 

So my heart really goes out to you..


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

AmImad said:


> I understand completely  I don't find myself wanting to make friends because I don't want to bring it up!


It's worse with the friends or people you do know..having to explain it all. "Where's your husband?" "What happened...Is everything OK?" 

The customers in our business are the WORST. First I had to make up excuses and cover up for my husband all summer and fall. Just saying he was sick was NEVER enough. I had to EXPLAIN it all..but I did it because we needed to keep the good will and business of our clientele. 

Then finally when he stopped working for good I had to explain THAT situation. I eventually gave up making the explanations and excuse. Now I just say he's not working and I don't know if he'll ever be working in the near future. You'd think that they'd shut up with that but do they leave well enough alone? NO. They start asking stupid things like "Is everything Ok?

Finally I said to one idiot who wouldn't let it go: "NO, everything is NOT 'Ok', if it was don't you think he'd be working?" :slap: Now I don't even answer the calls from my husband's customers that I can't accommodate, it's just too irritating to do the Q&A session. 

Why can't people just take a hint and shut the F*ck up? :scratchhead:


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

You're right, it's a nightmare! I was panicked about just going to the supermarket when H left, incase I bumped into anyone, I was also convinced people 'knew' I looked awful, you can see where my wedding rings had been.. I thought people were looking at me & judging me! Which in turn led to more anxiety attacks 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Fortunately I never wore my wedding ring.  I don't care what they are thinking or if they are judging me, as long as they shut up about it.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

My daughter  spoke to him on the phone tonight and OMG he must've felt like crap...she totally had an attitude with him tonight.
She was like "when am I going to see you"? i think he was saying " ï'm not sure" but she insisted you need to tell me when" ,"check your schedule":rofl: ,are you coming to my soccer practice tomorrow?,are you coming to my game on Sat.?
Than she proceeded - are you going to talk to mommy tonight ?i swear i didn''t tell her to say that....she later told me "daddy said he'll call you tomorrow and the next day" 
I'm sure he wants to find out how was soccer for her...

I hope he got the sense of how it's going to be , he is not around to discipline her..he doesn't do it over the phone.She is so smart,i was really proud of her in a way...it's like she can sense what he is doing to us...


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

vivea~

Out of the mouth of babes, huh? It never ceases to amaze me when the KIDS can see what's going on, but the supposed "grown up" denies it, can't see it, pretends everything is okay.  Your little daughter sure is a smart one! Must take after her momma's side! 

Okay for those of you with kids wondering what do to, my kids were in early elementary school age when all this happened to us, so let me give you some ideas of things I did: 

I personally went to a support group that was like a self-esteem group for women who's partners were abusive. it was through the D.A.s office in our county, if there was a police report, the lady could attend "for free"--if not there was a charge of like $5 (so either way it was affordable). I went to that group on one night a week when he had the kids. 

The ladies from the support group got to be regular friends of mine, so all of us would get together for a "girls night out" and we'd bring all our kids and go to dinner (like at McDs or Taco Smell LOL) and a movie at the $2 theater. That way we got to have friends and so did our kids. 

My kids were in sports so I took them to their practices and just stayed at practice with them. That way, I got to get out of the house AND meet the other parents. I also figured I'd be "good for something" so I was the official scorekeeper and "snack rotation scheduler" and I planned the year-end award banquet. 

I volunteered WITH MY KIDS at the local nursing home. It was within walking distance, and we didn't do anything except go and visit the people. The people just LOVED to see children, and I had the kids sit and ask the people to tell stories--and OY VEY the life stories these people told were amazing. Anyway, by volunteering we all realized that life could be a lot worse.

I took the kids to stuff like "Kid Hour" at the library which was focused on teaching the kids how to pick a book and how to check it out. They got their own "library card" (that was like a junior card under my adult card) and that gave me a whole hour to hang at the library, find books for me, surf, goof around or study! I learned a lot of legal stuff about divorce by reading the state laws at the library! 

We went to worship services. Now the place we went when we were a family pretty much looked at us like we had leprosy and if they touched us, THEY would catch divorce too! So we went elsewhere, and again that gave them some friends and me some adults. I never went to "singles events" because I did NOT want to date yet at all...but I did go to like youth group event things for the kids and I helped with that stuff and got to know other parents that way. 

I was the PTA president for our school. My kids' school was right at the end of our block, so I would walk them down to school, hang at the school a bit, walk back home and then go to work. After school, they walked home and let the dog out. They had from "after school until mom got home" to decompress, watch cartoons, have a snack, etc. but once I got home, they had chores while I did supper, then we all did homework at the table, then bed. But since I lived a block away, I was in the PTA and was at the school all the time. I copied stuff for teachers, wrote flyers, yada yada yada. It was for their school...it kept me busy...and again through different PTA events I met a lot of parents and got to get out for THIS conference or THAT festival. 

We were on a bowling league. Wednesday nights our town had a CHEAP bowling alley that did family bowling league. It was "our family" against another family and it was $1/person/game we'd do 2 games (so $6) but it was SO FUN! And I am a horrible bowler--just AWFUL!! But again got out of the house and didn't sit around feeling sorry for myself. I got to laugh a lot (mainly at myself and my score) and spent lots of good time with my kids and sometimes one of their friends could come along.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Hey I'd gladly do it!!


my ironing (oh, wait, no ironing board or iron, put them on the list of things I have to buy !)


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Thank you Affaircare...great suggestions,will have them in mind in the future.
--------------
So anxious today...my heart will explode...


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Gosh i just looked at his Facebook profile and saw that he changed his married status to "not married"to me .No idea when he did that,i can only hope it was a few weeks back...but it could be recent...i'm so hurt.I'm just sitting and crying ....so cruel.


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Gosh i just looked at his Facebook profile and saw that he changed his married status to "not married"to me .No idea when he did that,i can only hope it was a few weeks back...but it could be recent...i'm so hurt.I'm just sitting and crying ....so cruel.


my W set hers to blank & I felt the same way, but you will get over it, I did.


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Gosh...can i just wake up when i'm over all this horror....do i have to live through all this. 

Well i investigated some more,i think he changed his relationship status before he moved us here.I can see that he could change it to "separated" divorced","single"etc... he just chose to remove the whole relationship section and not specify...a.k.a. confused...as he says he is.
It's still painful though.

I'm a nervous wreck today ,i have to survive today and tomorrow somehow...i guess he will want to talk to me tonight...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Gosh...can i just wake up when i'm over all this horror....do i have to live through all this.
> 
> Well i investigated some more,i think he changed his relationship status before he moved us here.I can see that he could change it to "separated" divorced","single"etc... he just chose to remove the whole relationship section and not specify...a.k.a. confused...as he says he is.
> It's still painful though.


both my W and I have no0thing in the relationship status, not separated or anything, means nothing really.



> I'm a nervous wreck today ,i have to survive today and tomorrow somehow...i guess he will want to talk to me tonight...


but do you have to talk to him ?


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> but do you have to talk to him ?


he told my daughter he will talk to me tonight...so I'm not sure if he really will want to ...i want to talk to him but I'm nervous of what I am going to hear

I pretty much am sure that he is done ...i don't think he will give it a 2nd chance ...

I just sent him pics from he soccer practice ,he responded only to her...nothing like "thanks hun " or something...


----------



## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> he told my daughter he will talk to me tonight...so I'm not sure if he really will want to ...i want to talk to him but I'm nervous of what I am going to hear
> 
> I pretty much am sure that he is done ...i don't think he will give it a 2nd chance ...
> 
> I just sent him pics from he soccer practice ,he responded only to her...nothing like "thanks hun " or something...


So in actual fact, you do not *have* to talk to him, if he has something to say about your relationship, politely suggest he put it on paper, or email it to you and then hang up.


----------



## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Good suggestion!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

vivea said:


> he told my daughter he will talk to me tonight...so I'm not sure if he really will want to ...i want to talk to him but I'm nervous of what I am going to hear
> 
> I pretty much am sure that he is done ...i don't think he will give it a 2nd chance ...
> 
> I just sent him pics from he soccer practice ,he responded only to her...nothing like "thanks hun " or something...


doesn't/wouldn't a simple thank you provide great hope...no two words do as much to mend the pain as those 2 words...


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> doesn't/wouldn't a simple thank you provide great hope...no two words do as much to mend the pain as those 2 words...


yes it would provide hope,that is why i'm saying there is no hope for me 

------------
well we agreed to talk on Wed so he can tell me about us...if he wants to give it a second try at the moment or not...so that is a call that we agreed on...
i will ask for emails only when needed if he says NO today or tomm...
there is no reason to talk if he says NO to me...

so painful and so hard...how am I going to survive all this...these kids need their father...he hasn't bonded with his little girl...he never will the way he bonded with the older...my heart breaks for her...


----------



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

I just spoke to him...he was very irritable ... after work of course.

He asked if he can talk to me on Thursday instead of tomorrow.He said he worked so much that he needs a day just for him and he needs to read all my emails again because he haven't had a chance to think about us at all....

I knew that ,he worked 6 days in a row 12 hrs shifts,one day off (tomm) and than 12 hrs shifts till the rest of the month...he is reducing his shifts in 2 months... 4 days work and than 3 days off...way better.So may be than he will be able to really think about us...

I told him on the phone that I've missed him ,missed hearing his voice...he kept quiet...didn't say i missed you in return...ohh well.
He did notice that my oldest has an attitude with him on the phone...i told him that i'm not around her when he talks to her so i have no idea ,i told him that's to be expected since he's not around to discipline her...i told him that she probably accepts him as a buddy at that point ...not as parent...


----------



## mug (Feb 23, 2011)

no how you feel wish you all the best, you will be happy x


----------

