# Do you read your kid's text messages?



## neganagatime (Feb 10, 2012)

Question for you: do you still read the kids’ texts and try to keep up with their social media? My almost 11 year old daughter is on her ipad constantly and is in these group conversations where she might get a couple of hundred messages per day.  Part of me wants to keep up but there is a part of me that thinks there is no way to do so. I also think she could pretty easily delete any questionable texts if she wanted to. 

My ex-wife does read them and told me of my daughter getting very angry at some friends for doing something without her, and then called my daughter on it stating that she can’t be possessive of her friends and it’s natural for them to do things without her sometimes, etc (I support the message even if I’m ambivalent on how she got the info). She also said my daughter has a crush on some boy and told him she loves him! I’m not really ready for that and I wonder if this is part of a larger insecurity my daughter is feeling in her relationships.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

No. I don't read my son's text messages. Unless, of course, he shows them to me, which he actually does quite often. He's not particularly protective of his phone. I also have his passwords to everything, so I could access his accounts at any time. I just don't generally feel any need to do that.

But, then, my son is 16. He did not have a phone with text capabilities or access to any type of social media accounts - nor did any of his friends - before age 13-14.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

At her age, I think it is responsible parenting to periodically check her texting.


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## neganagatime (Feb 10, 2012)

I appreciate the replies. Unfortunately, every kid I've met from her school has messaging capacity (whether an actual phone or just an ipad/ipod with imessage) and use it extensively, so that horse has left the barn.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As collegians in their 20's, I have come to trust my boys implicitly! Even growing up as teenagers with brand new cell phones, I never once felt the need to pry!

The only thing that would ever make me consider ever doing "a 180" on that would be if either of them suddenly "turned against me," which at this juncture, I would consider to be highly unlikely!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snowcrashed (Apr 23, 2016)

neganagatime said:


> Question for you: do you still read the kids’ texts and try to keep up with their social media? My almost 11 year old daughter is on her ipad constantly and is in these group conversations where she might get a couple of hundred messages per day. Part of me wants to keep up but there is a part of me that thinks there is no way to do so. I also think she could pretty easily delete any questionable texts if she wanted to.
> 
> My ex-wife does read them and told me of my daughter getting very angry at some friends for doing something without her, and then called my daughter on it stating that she can’t be possessive of her friends and it’s natural for them to do things without her sometimes, etc (I support the message even if I’m ambivalent on how she got the info). She also said my daughter has a crush on some boy and told him she loves him! I’m not really ready for that and I wonder if this is part of a larger insecurity my daughter is feeling in her relationships.


How old is your daughter if I may ask? I'm assuming at least early teens but am just curious. 

I personally see no problem with this and when my daughter grows up and has her own phone (which will not be for a long time as she is a toddler now) I can see myself as keeping tabs on her phone, without her knowledge however. I plan to only act on the information I obtain this way if something serious comes up.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

At 16 I did spot checks, at 18 they will have to self report if they need advice.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I was the "backwards" parent that won't let them have a phone or pad at that age.

Son is 12 soon, he doesn't have either. I have a 16 and 20 y/o on my plan. We don't look at the 16 y/o. She does snapchat a lot. We've talked about the dangers long ago. The 20 year old has been sexually active since she turned 18. I'm sure as hell not reading hers!!!


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## Staisha (Sep 20, 2016)

No, I never read.


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## Capricious (Sep 21, 2016)

I am a "backwards" parent too. My 10 yr old has an iPad, however he is not allowed on any social media or chatting sites. We monitor all his iPad use. He does not have his own phone and will not get one for a while yet.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Capricious said:


> I am a "backwards" parent too. My 10 yr old has an iPad, however he is not allowed on any social media or chatting sites. We monitor all his iPad use. He does not have his own phone and will not get one for a while yet.




Not letting a 10 year old have his own smartphone is considered child abuse these days.


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## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

We spot check texting for our boys (17, 14, 11)... more so for #2 as he has a girlfriend and texts a lot.
We also follow all social media. I've asked them to edit or remove some posts that were offensive on occasion. 

Our youngest is not allowed on social media yet... but just got an iphone (dad's old one) this year on entering middle school.


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## Capricious (Sep 21, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Not letting a 10 year old have his own smartphone is considered child abuse these days.


He is always with a parent (unless at school). He has no need for one as yet (nor do I want the expense of it). When he goes off to high school and catching public transport then it will be different.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

No, I don't read them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I was a backward parent, too. My daughters didn't get phones until they were 16 an old enough to work and pay their own bill. My son is 15 and we put him on our plan, but he is involved with sports and after school clubs, so he actually had a need the girls didn't have as they weren't interested in sports and clubs.

I didn't read the girls texts because they pay for their own, so I feel it's not my business UNLESS I have reason to suspect something shady was going on. I don't read the boy child's texts because he is bizarrely, almost eerily, well behaved and responsible for his age.

God help the kid who whips out a phone at the dinner table or during a family function, though. I'm still backward in that respect.


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## jimrich (Sep 26, 2010)

neganagatime said:


> Question for you: do you still read the kids’ texts and try to keep up with their social media?


I trust and respect my kid and my kid trusts and respects me so there is no need to SPY on my kid. 
When I was young, my very insecure and foolish parents lost my respect and trust very early on so I began living a double life right under their ignorant noses. I suppose they wanted to read my private messages but I kept things well hidden from them since there simply was no trust there thanks to their foolishness - not mine. So, I have made an effort to retain the love, respect and TRUST that has always been between my kid and me so that my kid is not forced to go behind my back to live a sneaky, double life like I had to when I was young. It's a lot better to have trust and respect in a family than the sneaky, fearful and double life I had to live back then. :laugh:


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

No I don't. I also don't read my partners txts.

I don't believe in spying on people, paranoia is not something to aspire to.

Far better to build strong, respectful, open and honest relationships so there is no need to spy.


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