# I Need a Reality Check; Don't Want to Make a Mistake



## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

So, I think I've come to the conclusion that I need to let my wife go and file for divorce but I need a reality check from folks who have gone through this process to make sure I don't make the mistake of regretting I took the initiative to divorce my wife. Until recently, we've been happily married 4 years (at least I thought) and have no kids.

There are multiple issues going on but here are the basics.

I have a very loving and caring wife and I aside from some personalty differences, we both thought we were very compatible when we first go married and believed we could be great parents and have a wonderful family. Much of those sentiments still exists but it seems we have arrived an unusual breaking point where there is no anger, fighting, or other charged emotions involved.

In fact, at this point it's me attempting to understand her desire to no longer be married yet she doesn't want to talk about it. So I'm trying to decide (1) whether to give her what she wants, recognize our marriage is over, help her move out, file for divorce, and move on with my life; or (2) see if this is a crisis we can get through by not helping her leave, essentially forcing her to take the initiate to pack up and leave, and we will do he divorce then.

Why would I want to NOT help her leave? Well, I want to save our marriage and IMO it doesn't feel like there are solid reasons to divorce. But more importantly, because she doesn't want to talk about getting a divorce or no longer being married to me (says we've talked about our problems repeated--more like me asking but I know we have problems). She just wants to "move back to Texas" --we recently moved to another state 6 months ago. It's avoidance big time and Texas is where her friends and support network are.

And, yes, I think there is another guy she is texting, facebooking, etc. but I don't think it's become sexual since it kindled just before we left Texas and without her moving back, it will eventually fizzle IMO. We also have some compatibility, sexual chemistry, and other issues, such as her frustration with her education and career progression but we are financially stable and she doesn't have to work (too much time on her hands is also part of the problem i think). Yet I also think that much of what is going on with her is that she wasn't ready to be married and now wants to recapture her single life after experiencing marriage for 4 years. Sometimes I think if we got pregnant her focus would quickly change but I don't think that think makes all our underlying problems go away.

Finally, and most oddly, as I've said before we get along very well and we still care for each other. Although lately I think I've exhibited more desparate emotions in trying to figure out why this has occurred, what we can do change things, etc. and all she does is well up and say "I just want to go back".

So, I guess as a final act of love and desire for her to be happy, even if it means being without me, I am about to work up the divorce papers, set up the u-haul, cut her a check, and drop her off. And I've informed her there is no turning back once I drop her off, no matter the tears or financial struggles, because I can't risk having to go through this again with her.

Please share your thoughts. Thank you in advance.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If she wants a divorce, there is nothing you can do to stop her.

Sorry. 

And it does sound like she's having an affair with the Facebook guy. At the very least, an emotional affair.


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

*Much of those sentiments still exists but it seems we have arrived an unusual breaking point where there is no anger, fighting, or other charged emotions involved.*
It sounds like apathy which is the real breaking point.

*In fact, at this point it's me attempting to understand her desire to no longer be married yet she doesn't want to talk about it.*
That, in and of itself, would be the reason I'd be looking for a divorce. At least between Carol and I, "I don't want to talk about it" is not a valid answer. Sure, at times we all need a little space to get our heads together... but for us, that is measured... at MOST... in two or three days. Beyond that and we'd both see it as a serious relationship foul.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

This is an EA and she's behaving exactly like a person doing as such

read the newbie link in my signature and get your butt over to CWI


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## gofish (Mar 16, 2012)

It sounds like a difficult situation you're facing right now. You say that you love your wife and want what is best for her, but it doesn't sound like she even knows what that is at this point. Have you considered counseling? It might be helpful to talk it through before you just throw in the towel. No one ever said that marriage is easy, but it is worth fighting for. If you don't know where to start, you're welcome to call a counselor at Focus on the Family. In my time there, I have seen a lot of couples be able to work through problems like this and go on to lead a happy life _together_. There's also some helpful articles available here and here and a book that might interest you. I can't promise you that your wife will want to stay together but at least she'll know that you love her enough to be willing to fight for her!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

counseling will not work while his wife is having an affair

the affair needs to stop before any progress is made


btw- is the OM married?


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## gofish (Mar 16, 2012)

One other thought—maybe she really has had a harder time with this move from TX than you think. Moving to another state with no family, friends, or support system can be extremely stressful. As a woman, your wife needs emotional connections and it sounds like she has nothing where you're at now: no friends, no job where she feels valued, no supportive family. It's no surprise that she feels restless and wants to move back to the familiar. That doesn't excuse an EA or PA, but it might explain the gap she's trying to fill. Get some help. Work this out together. She needs your support right now, not one more uncertainty!


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> counseling will not work while his wife is having an affair
> 
> the affair needs to stop before any progress is made
> 
> ...


She's not interested in counseling although I guess I could make that a condition before making arrangements to drop her off. I've mentioned it before suggesting to do it just to make sure it's what she wants, even offered that it would be her one-on-one with a counselor, but not sure how helpful that would be....

OM is a single guy. I've thought about cancelling her phone line and other disruption approaches but, again, not sure how helpful it would be since it may have the reverse effect. Best approach to disrupt is to confront him/her, shut him down, but don't think that would change her desire to return back to Texas.

Part of me feels like accepting that she no longer wants to be married to me and taking the approach: why do I want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me? ....but we have lots of life and emotional investment in our relationship.

Also, just so you know more about me and her, I am very familair with those man up techniques and alpha male behavior patterns, so I'm not a pity case. In fact, that was part of her attraction to me. And I could deal with being single again but no longer wanted that lifestyle and wanted to settle down, and she was/is a great catch/wife. She is very attractive and gets lots of looks from other guys and I guess I've become the typical beta married male since we got married. I can and will change that, but it may be too late to save our marriage. And I want to have kids someday, so maybe this is a good sign it shouldn't be with her.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

gofish said:


> . She needs your support right now, not one more uncertainty!



no again


sorry but you can't nice someone out of an affair


people in an affair basically care about one thing

getting their next fix of AP


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

anon54 said:


> She's not interested in counseling although I guess I could make that a condition before making arrangements to drop her off. I'm mentioned it before just to make sure it's what she wants, even offer that i would be her one-on-one with a counselor, but not sure how helpful that would be....
> 
> OM is a single guy. I've thought about cancelling her phone line and other disruption approaches but, again, not sure how helpful it would be since it may have the reverse effect.
> 
> ...



what you have to realize is that by not making a stand over her affair you have already lost her, unless you make the "him or me" stand she will continue to get deeper into her affair partner and you suffer in limbo until she leaves you or continues to cake eat.

1) investigate and get the texts and print them up
2) expose to the OM's wife and her family
3) get a lawyer and get papers drawn
4) tell her you cannot control her and she is free to be with her EA partner, but that you will not tolerate a 3rd party in the marriage and will file


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Are you positive about the affair? If the answer is yes start the 180 while you are making plans to let her go. If you are not positive about the affair I would suggest counseling. Even with counseling you still might wind up with a divorce, but at least in your heart you know you did everything you could.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

It's almost guaranteed that interfering in her affair will have the reverse effect - but if you're lucky that will only be at first. But at first she's likely to hate you. AR is right - nothing can get better until you bust the affair. You've got only two choices - fight her to kill the EA or just give her her divorce. 

I had an EA myself that was long distance. I promise you that you can get just as emotionally involved and have lots of sex without ever actually laying eyes on each other. 

If you want to save your marriage and you're familiar with alpha traits it's time to pull them out and put them to use. Unfortunately it may already be too late if she's asking for a divorce.


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> It's almost guaranteed that interfering in her affair will have the reverse effect - but if you're lucky that will only be at first. But at first she's likely to hate you. AR is right - nothing can get better until you bust the affair. You've got only two choices - fight her to kill the EA or just give her her divorce.
> 
> I had an EA myself that was long distance. I promise you that you can get just as emotionally involved and have lots of sex without ever actually laying eyes on each other.
> 
> If you want to save your marriage and you're familiar with alpha traits it's time to pull them out and put them to use. Unfortunately it may already be too late if she's asking for a divorce.


Thanks. You are spot on. And my biggest alpha tactic on hand is to give her the attitude that I'm okay with cutting her loose and would like to do it ASAP if she no longer wants to be married with me cuz I want to find a wife who wants to have a family with me. And while I'd rather not be single again to go looking for another wife, I've told her I couldn't be in a better position, city or career status to be out on the dating scene again, especially with the extra discretionary income from no longer supporting her. And she is well aware of my dating history and quality of life as a single guy and knows that I'm not bluffing.

Honestly, though, I doubt if I would ever get married again if I end up single just for those reasons, I enjoyed being single and independent but wanted the experience of being married and having kids. But I ended up a "home body" and changed my lifestyle to adjust to being a married man because many of those alpha characteristics just end up challenging being in a committed, loyal, and respectful relationship, at least in my opinion. She on the other hand has not changed, despite my thoughts that being married over time would be helpful.

But without a doubt, I would rather save our marriage, have children, and live blissfully together. Thus my concern about not making a mistake in taking the initiative to end this relationsip.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if she decides to end her EA

she needs to...

1) go NC, in fact write a NC letter (see in my newbie link)
2) be transparent and give up passwords and allow you to look at her phone, you should also do your own personal verification
3) show complete remorse (more in the newbie link)
4) spend 10-15 hours a week of one on one time alone


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> if she decides to end her EA
> 
> she needs to...
> 
> ...


Yes, you are right and I agree. I'm not confident she will accept those terms though, at least right now. Maybe when I discover and disclose her emails, messages, etc she may change her mind.

By the end of May I will have the divorce papers ready for her signature and plan on reviewing her computer (keystroke recorder now installed for 2-3months) and taking her cell phone to review the text messages and calls. Depending on how she reacts, we will pack up a uhaul trailer and I will let her drive her back after she signs the paperwork. I may also share my thoughts with OM too.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

OM married?


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> OM married?


no


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

then leave OM alone (as far as contacting him), confrontation is next to worthless and you dont need to go to jail if you get violent, it isnt worth it


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> then leave OM alone (as far as contacting him), confrontation is next to worthless and you dont need to go to jail if you get violent, it isnt worth it


and ultimately he's not the one who broke a promise to you.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

anon54 said:


> And, yes, I think there is another guy she is texting, facebooking, etc. but I don't think it's become sexual since it kindled just before we left Texas and without her moving back, it will eventually fizzle IMO.


 You down play this because neither you or your wife understand that she is in an emotional affair (EA). She wants to file for divorce and move back to Texas because she want to take it to a physical affair (PA). Everything else that you said is not very important because it is a direct result of the EA. 

Many people in EAs do not realize that it is cheating but it in fact it really is. Because of the EA you have been made to be the bad guy through reinventing of history in her mind where everything is your fault and her action are never to blame. For example, if she slapped you in the face and you held her hand to prevent her from hitting you again, she will only remember that you held her hand so hard that you hurt her. Until she is ends the EA you cannot reason with her. You will always be wrong because she wants you to be wrong.


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

ok, thanks for cooling me down a bit. I guess posting this experience, losing my wife and just the thought of letting her driving her back so that she can be with him makes me feel like the loser who deserves this outcome, especially since I'm helping them be together.... total royal BS IMO. That's why one of the reasons I am asking if I should just force her to take the initiatie to leave.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

read this post:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html#post306559

if she chooses her OM over you then you wont be the loser, she will


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

TRy said:


> You down play this because neither you or your wife understand that she is in an emotional affair (EA). She wants to file for divorce and move back to Texas because she want to take it to a physical affair (PA). Everything else that you said is not very important because it is a direct result of the EA.
> 
> Many people in EAs do not realize that it is cheating but it in fact it really is. Because of the EA you have been made to be the bad guy through reinventing of history in her mind where everything is your fault and her action are never to blame. For example, if she slapped you in the face and you held her hand to prevent her from hitting you again, she will only remember that you held her hand so hard that you hurt her. Until she is ends the EA you cannot reason with her. You will always be wrong because she wants you to be wrong.


That is true, it heard much about me being the problem that caused her to change her mind about our future when there is certainly blame on her end.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry but it sounds as if you married a child.

Be thankful there are no kids involved

Follow Almostrecovered's advice about exposing the affair. Your wife has checked out after only 4 years of marriage


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

anon,
You should also stop funding her now. She's having an affair.

Cut off her phone if account is in your name. Cancel all joint credit cards. Move half the money in any joint bank accounts to accounts with only your name on them. STOP UNDERWRITING HER AFFAIR NOW!


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

You mentioned maybe things would get better if she were pregnant.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! That would be a HUGE mistake.


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

Toffer said:


> anon,
> You should also stop funding her now. She's having an affair.
> 
> Cut off her phone if account is in your name. Cancel all joint credit cards. Move half the money in any joint bank accounts to accounts with only your name on them. STOP UNDERWRITING HER AFFAIR NOW!


Thanks, but tactically, I have to do a little bit of this for a little while longer (30days?) so that she signs the divorce papers (marital property settlement agreement) to avoid ending up in a difficult divorce process. Any aggressive financial acts by me will only get her friends to encourage her to talk to an attorney before she signs anything. So my approach is doing this as a last act of love and letting her go to find her happiness. After she signs, it's a done deal. She will run out of money and be SOL before the divorce is finalized. To do otherwise will cost me more time, angst, anger, money, and lawyer fees.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

anon,

As long as there is a method to your madness....

When I read your post there seemed to be a bit of uncertainty in it, especially the part about having a child.

Continue to move forward and get yourself out of that marriage and then put some serious distance between her and you


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Sorry but it sounds as if you married a child.
> 
> Be thankful there are no kids involved
> 
> Follow Almostrecovered's advice about exposing the affair. Your wife has checked out after only 4 years of marriage


Yep, there is an immaturity aspect to this, but I've come to the conclude it's more avoidance, i.e., not wanting to face the reality involved of doing and in going through a divorce (even avoiding using the word divorce) due to guilt, shame, fear of confronting related emotions involved, and, in general, just wanting to get through this as drama-free as possible. She is otherwise intelligent, pleasant to be around, caring, and . . . and in total denial and unrealistic how this will turn out for her. 

It's a very sad outcome because I think we both know deep down inside that we won't find a better husband or wife. We were truly lucky to have found each other at important points in our lives, but the spark fizzled out.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

anon54 said:


> . . . and in total denial and unrealistic how this will turn out for her.


She's in affair foggy land - it's a wonderful place if it had any bearing on reality. She won't see reality until it hits her like a brick. If you try to show it to her she'll fight you kicking and screaming and tell you you're an ass. 

If she's like 99.99% of cheaters what she really wants is to have her cake and eat it to. Meaning she won't actually do anything towards really leaving you or divorce. My bet is if anything happens you're going to have to be the one to do it.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

anon54 said:


> But without a doubt, I would rather save our marriage, have children, and live blissfully together


No kids, sounds like you're still pretty young. If she doesn't want to be the one, move on and you'll find the ONE for you out there.

It takes 2 to be in a marriage, not 1 or 1 1/2. And 3 in a marriage will never work.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

anon54 said:


> Thanks. You are spot on. And my biggest alpha tactic on hand is to give her the attitude that I'm okay with cutting her loose and would like to do it ASAP if she no longer wants to be married with me cuz I want to find a wife who wants to have a family with me. And while I'd rather not be single again to go looking for another wife, I've told her I couldn't be in a better position, city or career status to be out on the dating scene again, especially with the extra discretionary income from no longer supporting her. And she is well aware of my dating history and quality of life as a single guy and knows that I'm not bluffing.
> 
> Honestly, though, I doubt if I would ever get married again if I end up single just for those reasons, I enjoyed being single and independent but wanted the experience of being married and having kids. But I ended up a "home body" and changed my lifestyle to adjust to being a married man because many of those alpha characteristics just end up challenging being in a committed, loyal, and respectful relationship, at least in my opinion. She on the other hand has not changed, despite my thoughts that being married over time would be helpful.
> 
> But without a doubt, I would rather save our marriage, have children, and live blissfully together. Thus my concern about not making a mistake in taking the initiative to end this relationsip.


Well, your alpha move sucks. It sounds threatening and unappreciative. Women cheat when their emotional needs aren't met, and hers clearly aren't. 

My first ex tried a ploy like that. When he added, "You won't find anyone else like me," all I could think was "Thank God!" I have never regretted leaving him. Based on this and your thoughts about having the phone service stopped, I'm thinking you see yourself as the "in charge" kind of guy, and she thinks you try to control her way too much. She doesn't feel like she has enough influence in your life or her own. 

At this point, about the only thing I think you can do is come clean. Tell her what you've said here - that you don't think you'll marry again and that she is the person you want if she'll give you an opportunity to learn how to better meet her needs. If she says no, file. You can't make her receptive to you, and you've already lost her interest. Whether it's COMPLETELY gone or not is entirely up to her judgment, and nothing you can do changes this.

Being weaker can sometimes lead to greater strength.


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

sigma1299 said:


> My bet is if anything happens you're going to have to be the one to do it.


That's the reality check I am seeking to confirm before I put plan into action. It's heartbreaking when I think about doing it, but I know the pain won't begin to subside until the hard decision and actions are complete, and I close the door on this part of my life.


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## anon54 (Apr 26, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> At this point, about the only thing I think you can do is come clean. Tell her what you've said here - that you don't think you'll marry again and that she is the person you want if she'll give you an opportunity to learn how to better meet her needs. If she says no, file. You can't make her receptive to you, and you've already lost her interest. Whether it's COMPLETELY gone or not is entirely up to her judgment, and nothing you can do changes this.
> 
> Being weaker can sometimes lead to greater strength.


Sorry, I don't think there is anything I am hiding from her and everything I've said here I've said to her. So, not sure how much more I need to come clean about. And I have no problem even showing her this thread. But guess what, she wont' even let me see her text messages or .... even add me as a friend on her facebook! Says I would create too much drama about what's on her facebook. Among other reasons, I've never had a fb account because I know its potential impact on relationships, and while she initially agreed to not have an account when we got married, she kept coming up with excuses to have an account to keep in touch with family, which turned into many friends of course.

And by the way, thanks for pointing out it's my fault for not meeting her needs. Works both ways in a marriage I thought, which includes communicating those needs rather then essentially saying.... I don't think anything is going to change in our relationship, sorry, I want to be with someone else. News to me, which is how I found myself here seeking feedback from anonymous posters.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

anon54 said:


> Sorry, I don't think there is anything I am hiding from her and everything I've said here I've said to her. So, not sure how much more I need to come clean about. And I have no problem even showing her this thread. But guess what, she wont' even let me see her text messages or .... even add me as a friend on her facebook! Says I would create too much drama about what's on her facebook. Among other reasons, I've never had a fb account because I know its potential impact on relationships, and while she initially agreed to not have an account when we go married, she kept coming up with excuses to have an account to keep in touch with family, which turned into many friends of course.


By "come clean" I don't mean you're deceiving anyone. In fact, I suspect you're very direct and honest. I mean stop being right all the time and start acknowledging that you have contributed half of the problem. To start showing that you're flawed, too, and to show her with your words and actions how much she means to you. Even though your tone might appear to some as reasonable, I'm seeing a lot of signs that you feel as if your way is superior to hers. Your methods are superior to hers. Your values matter more than hers. Your feelings count more. It's a quiet arrogance that undermines your relationship. You might intellectually SAY that hers are as important, but the things you're saying you talked about and thought about reveal your true attitude, and your wife has been affected by it. 

She thinks you'll start drama... to be fair, maybe she is doing something wrong, who knows... but she "agreed" to what you wanted (no FB) and to moving and even though she has told you she wants a divorce, she hasn't taken action. She dislikes the way you exert control, I suspect.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Kathy,

I disagree with most of what you have posted.

I think the OP is using his own methods to help sheild himself from the hurt and betrayal he is facing.

It seems obvious to most of us (I think) that his wife is involved with others in inappropriate ways. That's the crux of this issue


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Whatever responsibility he has for the state of the marriage he has zero for her EA - none, nada, zip - that's all on her.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

First: please have your post moved to the Coping with Infidelity forum. That is where people who've gone through a spouse's emotional affair (like me--my husband was in one for about 4.5 years, but we are happily reconciled now) can give you more direct, specific advice.

No offense to anyone who has not had their spouse cheat on you, but what you may not know is there are certain highly predictable behaviors that cheaters exhibit. They are engaging in an escapist fantasy and--sad to say--they don't behave like the old versions of themselves and they lie extremely well at the drop of a hat. They've created a secret parallel life, and lying has become second nature.

Divorce has been successfully used as a stick to goad a spouse toward reconciling. In order to want to reconcile, their fantasy bubble has to burst, and divorce can play this role. Just Letting Them Go can do this too, because there's a funny little thing about entering a relationship with someone who's willing to have an affair with a married person--they are usually not life partner material.

If you want to try to save your marriage--and only you can know all the ins and outs of this--I highly recommend the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, it's the most well-written, comprehensive book out there on emotional affairs. I'd get a copy anyhow if you plan to D, because it can help give you lots of insight into her bizarro world and help you heal.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

anon54 said:


> But without a doubt, I would rather save our marriage, have children, and live blissfully together. Thus my concern about not making a mistake in taking the initiative to end this relationsip.


Then, investigate and gather information. Assuming that this is an affair, you have to act decisively. Expose the affair and remove facebook guy from her life. Then, either divorce her or demand that you both go to marriage counseling. If she cares, she'll choose MC. If she doesn't care, you have to let her go and pursue your own life with someone who does care enough about you to communicate about these problems. 

If it isn't an affair, then see if you can get to the bottom of what's going on. Does she feel loved by you? Are you giving her attention and romance and support or does she feel like you're not invested in the marriage? Is she depressed? Is there something going on with her personally that's making her withdraw emotionally? 

You can't solve a problem unless you know what is causing it, so figure it out before you act.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

anon54 said:


> But guess what, she wont' even let me see her text messages or .... even add me as a friend on her facebook! Says I would create too much drama about what's on her facebook. Among other reasons, I've never had a fb account because I know its potential impact on relationships, and while she initially agreed to not have an account when we got married, she kept coming up with excuses to have an account to keep in touch with family, which turned into many friends of course.


BIG red flags!!!!!! Something is definitely wrong here. She's up to no good. 
:redcard:

Put a keylogger on your computer and find out the truth. What the heck is she hiding on facebook from you? This is not a good thing at all. Someone who is treating you this badly needs to be ousted from your life. I'm sorry but your wife is being a disrespectful jerk toward you. Her comments here are immature and offensive to your commitment to her.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Kathy,
> 
> I disagree with most of what you have posted.
> 
> ...





sigma1299 said:


> Whatever responsibility he has for the state of the marriage he has zero for her EA - none, nada, zip - that's all on her.


You're both free to disagree, but here is why I think you're mistaken... 

Yes, she's clearly having an emotional affair. Yes, I think his attitude is a protective mechanism. 

BUT...

The way he expressed himself to her and the attitude he is expressing absolutely contribute to the quality of their relationship. While men will cheat simply either because the opportunity presents itself or they're unhappy with their relationship, women's reasons for cheating are most often over unhappiness in their relationships. 

If his behavior is contributing to her being unhappy, then yes, he absolutely does affect the state of mind that is leading her to look elsewhere. 

Just as she is ultimately responsible for the choices she makes on the matter, he is ultimately responsible for how he communicates with her. What I'm seeing is communication that continually tells her that he's superior and she's not. I seriously doubt that she simply came up with "This isn't going to work and I want to be with someone else" out of the clear blue. I don't buy that at all. I *would* believe that her attempts to communicate her unhappiness have been ignored, though. 

For the record, if the other comment was directed at me... I have been through the wringer because of infidelity.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Why haven't you reviwed the logs yet? Do it now . You cannot force someone into a relationship. Find someone less flaky


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