# My husband is texting a female co worker



## angelica333 (Nov 19, 2011)

my husband is texting a female co worker, after telling him i dont like it he is still carrying on, hiding it and has now put a pin lock on his phone so i cant check it. I've been ok with their friendship for months as im not a jealous person, but lately she texts him at silly times of night, when we had a week off together and now even after he told her i didnt like it, she still does it but what makes me cross is he still replied. she makes out that she doesnt want to upset me but if she didnt, she would have stopped. they see each other every day so its not as if its nothing that cant wait til the next day. The message on our week off said "miss you" and my husband lied to me and i only knew it said that cos i checked his phone, cos i knew he was lying. we argued about it last night and he claims its only friendship but he is sooo naive when it comes to women and even he has to admit if it was a man texting me those things he would be jealous. i wanna tell her how much shes upsetting me but i dont want to give her the satisfaction, also shes posting things on facebook like " romantic meal for two with my husbands name" all my friends and family saw it, was so embarrassing! what shall i do people? xxx


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

angelica333 said:


> my husband is texting a female co worker, after telling him i dont like it he is still carrying on, hiding it and has now put a pin lock on his phone so i cant check it. I've been ok with their friendship for months as im not a jealous person, but lately she texts him at silly times of night, when we had a week off together and now even after he told her i didnt like it, she still does it but what makes me cross is he still replied. she makes out that she doesnt want to upset me but if she didnt, she would have stopped. they see each other every day so its not as if its nothing that cant wait til the next day. The message on our week off said "miss you" and my husband lied to me and i only knew it said that cos i checked his phone, cos i knew he was lying. we argued about it last night and he claims its only friendship but he is sooo naive when it comes to women and even he has to admit if it was a man texting me those things he would be jealous. i wanna tell her how much shes upsetting me but i dont want to give her the satisfaction, also shes posting things on facebook like " romantic meal for two with my husbands name" all my friends and family saw it, was so embarrassing! what shall i do people? xxx


When your husband admitted that he would be jealous if you did the same thing, he is also admitting that you have a right to be jealous. The fact that he will not stop it tell you that he does not care about your legitimate feelings. The OW's FB posting about a romantic dinner with your husband confirms that the other woman is after your husband for more than just being friends.

It is time to put up or shut up. Your husband thinks you will do nothing as he pursues a romantic relationship with this other woman. Call a divorce attorney and set up a meeting. Learn your rights. Do not hide the fact that you are speaking with an attorney. Let him know that there cannot be 3 in a marriage and that he has a choice to make. Do not cry or beg. Let him know that you mean business. The sooner you put a stop to this the better your odds of saving your marriage if it in fact can be saved.


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## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

Forget about convincing the other woman about anything. she didn't make vows to love and cherish you forever and she owes you nothing (beyond common human courtesy which she apparently lacks). 
Your husband is being way out of line because he's on a dangerous road, and he's intentionally disregarding your valid feelings. It appears that he's been friends with her for awhile with your knowledge and you haven't expressed your thoughts/concerns on this very strongly, so he continues. 
You need to blow this out of the water now, vigorously, like TRy says. The course it's on now is headed for trouble (already is there i'd say).


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

He is having an affair with her emotional at least, right under your nose.... it is time to put down the hammer.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> He is having an affair with her emotional at least, right under your nose.... it is time to put down the hammer.


I agree. It's not the fact that it's a woman friend. it's the fact that he is sneaking it, lying and not stopping when he knows it bothers you.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I agree with Lisa. My friendship, which it actually was, turned into an affair via texting, emails, phones calls, FB, etc.

This cheater see that you have a cheater on your hands.


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## angelica333 (Nov 19, 2011)

yes my sister's marriage ended after her husband was texting and seeing another woman, so im very sensitive to texting and i told him that after what happened to my sister, but it seems to have all gone in one ear and out the other, either that or he just doesnt care.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Is the OW married? If so, call her H and let him know what's going on. If not, tell your H to reveal all (texts, emails, logins for FB and anything else), or get out. Why be married to someone who is playing you for the fool.

Sorry this is happening to you. We cheaters suck and need to be dealt with harshly. If not, we keep doing it.


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## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

angelica333 said:


> but it seems to have all gone in one ear and out the other, either that or he just doesnt care.


He doesn't care because he thinks you're not going to do anything more than "nag" a little. You need to change that perception of his quick by taking strong action.


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## angelica333 (Nov 19, 2011)

well he said i could talk to her and i'd see they're just friends and she's great but i dont care,when he married me, he chose to let no one pull us apart and to be faithful to me, mentally as well as physically, over everyone. shes a 22 year old single girl and i agree i will not be played like a fool. he just doesnt understand that she's texting him cos she likes him, he thinks its just friends, but even he admitted her telling him she missed him was strange, im just so angry they're still doing it and showing a complete disregard for my feelings!


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

angelica333 said:


> im just so angry they're still doing it and showing a complete disregard for my feelings!


We all have told you what to do yet you do not even respond to us about this advice. Looks like your husband is right about you doing nothing about it, which is why he has a "complete disregard for" your feelings. 

Your current path will lead to the end of your marriage, but your fear of taking action is preventing you from changing course. You have little time to act to even have a chance at saving your marriage. The longer that you wait, the less likely that taking action will work.


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## angelica333 (Nov 19, 2011)

I have already taken action and told him it must stop but it carries on, i am in no financial position to talk to a lawyer we cant even afford our rent or food. i do not have a fear of taking action i just know the only other action is talking to her and i know she will claim its just friendship so it will get me nowhere. we have been married for 6 months and i am not getting a divorce. i dont believe this is a romantic affair, it is just friendship but i still dont like her texting him when she knows i dont like it, who does she think she is? If i thought it was romantic, i would divorce him in a second.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

telling him to stop isn't working, is it.

Do you have a friend you can stay with this weekend? Let him come home to an empty house. Explain later when he contacts you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

angelica333 said:


> I have already taken action and told him it must stop but it carries on, i am in no financial position to talk to a lawyer we cant even afford our rent or food. i do not have a fear of taking action i just know the only other action is talking to her and i know she will claim its just friendship so it will get me nowhere. we have been married for 6 months and i am not getting a divorce. i dont believe this is a romantic affair, it is just friendship but i still dont like her texting him when she knows i dont like it, who does she think she is? If i thought it was romantic, i would divorce him in a second.


You're in for some serious pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

He needs to choose. Its as simple as that. It needs to happen NOW. 

NO ONE deserves the level of disregard he is showing you. 

One of my top fiuve jibs in my marriage is to make sure my wife feels secure. 

She asked me not to respond to a particular female on FB and I dropped it like a rock and never looked back. 

She would do the same. 

This just friends crap is ridiculous and "romantic dinner" is beyond intentionally hurtubg you. 

It looks to e like your husband is either stupid or mean. 

I am so sorry he is such tone deaf to your needs. 

You dont deserve it and he ought to apologize to your whole family.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

angelica333 said:


> I have already taken action and told him it must stop but it carries on


Telling him to stop is not taking action. Taking action is what you do when he ignores you telling him to stop.


angelica333 said:


> we have been married for 6 months and i am not getting a divorce.


With that said, there is no reason for him to stop.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

I've been on this forum for two years and have read a lot of stories similar to this one, the majority of them go down a very predictable path, which is always bad. I myself posted a question two years ago with a title very similar to yours. I've since deleted it. I wish I hadn't so I could let people read how screwed up a relationship can get if one spouse is completely disrespecting the marriage and the other spouse doesn't give the ultimate ultimatum. I firmly believe that you need to draw a line in the sand and be ready to divorce him if he doesn't stop because it will continue and it will escalate as long as you allow it to go on.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

> we have been married for 6 months and i am not getting a divorce


Then sadly my dear, let me welcome you to the rest of your life. Just imagine what it's going to be like years into the relationship when things are no longer in the "honeymoon stage".



> i dont believe this is a romantic affair, it is just friendship


Please see your previous post for the truth you wish to deny.



angelica333 said:


> also shes posting things on facebook like "* romantic meal for two with my husbands name*" all my friends and family saw it, was so embarrassing! what shall i do people? xxx


Platonic friends do not, I repeat do not have *romantic meals* with anyone other than their spouse, gf or so. Time to take some screen shots and start to compile a file with this info. If you are on his cell phone provider start looking to get copies of his texts. Believe me when I tell you this, they call it fighting for your marriage for a reason, and you cant win a fight with blinders on. Get all the info you can. Now go out, glove up and start fighting for whats yours. Figuratively speaking of course. 

Oh, one last thing, I'd start making him wear condoms for sex. Protect yourself. Remember, if it looks like a cheater, sounds like a cheater and acts like a cheater....it's a cheater.


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