# I guess this is the place..



## Pinkdaisy91 (Apr 16, 2013)

My Husband and I have been married for 3 and 1/2 years now, throughout my marriage I have dealt with his accusations, his mental abuse and most of all his cheating and porn addiction.. the past year and half I can count off my 2 hands how many times we have been intimate! about a month ago I met someone at work, I have been talking to them non stop.. I feel so cheap so dirty, and am afraid if I don't stop it now its going to go to the next level I try so hard to avoid this man but i keep going back to it I crave the attention the compliments what I am not getting at home. I have tried getting my husband to go to the doctor for us to seek counseling but he just doesn't want to go he claims doctors are "to expensive" Sense when did rescuing a relationship with the so called love of your life become to expensive is the way i interpret that as a woman and as his wife, I never pictured my life with him this way, i was raised and taught better and after everything my husband did to me and how much hurt he caused me I have went and done almost the same thing to him.. this is the first time ive done anything like this or of the sort and I don't know what to do with my life or our marriage I have confessed to my husband the things i have done and said, but its like he just doesn't get it that I need him more than he could ever imagine right now in so many ways not just the bedroom.. 

Any words of advice here?


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## biola (Dec 28, 2012)

Please do the honorable thing and end your marriage before things get out of hand
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Dont get down in the mud with him. Get up. Clean yourself up. And walk away. If he follows so be it. But dont look back.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

First: You have admitted this is not the way you want to spend the rest of your life.

Second: Don't succumb to your emotional/physical needs outside of the marriage, it lessens you and will eat at you the rest of your life.

Third: You need to make a plan and stick to it. If your husband is not willing to work on the marriage (MC or whatever) (Also he has to work on it not just show up for MC and says he has done it and it is your problem) , you need to walk away file for "D" and go through with it. If your husband makes the miraculous turn around after you have filed for "D" I would strongly suggest you still get "D" and will remarry him after a time if he proves he has changed.

Fourth: Find a true friend, family member or counselor for support, not one who tells you, you need to fill your needs, but one that guides you to remove the Currently Toxic Person from your life first before you move on. You do not need a cheerleader for doing something that will not help you in the long run.

Fifth: Follow the advise in posts 2 and 3.


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

Follow the advice given above. Don't let his actions cheapen you. As illwill said "don't wallow in the mud" happened to me in my 1st marriage and my cheating hurt me more than his did. I got over all his cheating, but never got over me having done it once. And, it didn't finish there. It followed me these many years later when I had to confess to my current husband about what I did in my first marriage. We don't have any secrets and that was one that I held in shame and it was hard to talk about.

I am fine now, took a good man to relieve me of my burden, but believe me it is best just not to got there at all. Walk tall and don't let anyone bring you down to their level.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Be strong, not weak. Why do you want an affair? Is it because you are to scared to divorce your husband? If its come to this point, be strong and leave him if you feel he cant give you what he wants.

Ask yourself, what good will having an affair do? It wont change your husband. It only cheapens you and makes you the bad guy. Sit down, talk to him, and be prepared to divorce him if you are miserable and he is unwilling to change for you.

Do not go down the path of adultery. I know in tv it seems so exciting and sexy....but in real life, the aftermath is complete destruction. The truth always comes out. Having an affair and living the lie will eat you up inside. Dont do it.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

do yo 2 have kids together?
will you be happy married to your H for the rest of your life?

if not, i'd work on finding my own place and starting the D process. life it too short to share it with someone you don't want to be with.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

You mention that your husband has cheated. Details around that would help make the picture clearer.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Pinkdaisy91 said:


> My Husband and I have been married for 3 and 1/2 years now, throughout my marriage I have dealt with his accusations, his mental abuse and most of all his cheating and porn addiction.. the past year and half I can count off my 2 hands how many times we have been intimate! about a month ago I met someone at work, I have been talking to them non stop.. I feel so cheap so dirty, and am afraid if I don't stop it now its going to go to the next level I try so hard to avoid this man but i keep going back to it I crave the attention the compliments what I am not getting at home. I have tried getting my husband to go to the doctor for us to seek counseling but he just doesn't want to go he claims doctors are "to expensive" Sense when did rescuing a relationship with the so called love of your life become to expensive is the way i interpret that as a woman and as his wife, I never pictured my life with him this way, i was raised and taught better and after everything my husband did to me and how much hurt he caused me I have went and done almost the same thing to him.. this is the first time ive done anything like this or of the sort and I don't know what to do with my life or our marriage I have confessed to my husband the things i have done and said, but its like he just doesn't get it that I need him more than he could ever imagine right now in so many ways not just the bedroom..
> 
> Any words of advice here?


Not sure if you've considered it but your co-worker may very well be playing you. If not, he's a distraction AT BEST (and he's probably playing you).

At the same time, if you're not happy w/ your husband, have let him know this/have tried to snap him out of it, and he's not listening/responding, it may be time to at least separate, and possibly divorce. No one deserves to be bound to someone who doesn't love or respect them, regardless of marital vows. After all, I recall promising to *"love, honor, and protect"* my wife. That's a pretty standard part of a husband's marriage vows and, if you've provided an accurate description of your marriage, it sounds like Mr. Pinkdaisy91 isn't quite living up to it. *** Edit *** Meant to mention this earlier but forgot -- you would be wise to do everything that you can (birth control, etc.) to ensure that you don't bring children into your marriage in it's current state.

Regardless, don't cheapen yourself or your marriage (as it seems to be important to at least you) by engaging in an affair. Infidelity is EXTREMELY painful to all parties, and especially to the betrayed spouse(s). Going down this path may turn out to be the most horrible way possible for you to discover that your husband loves you much, much more than you currently realize. 

Take Mrs. John Adams' advice and read user Kendall's "Am I Headed for an Affair" thread...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/165802-am-i-headed-affair.html

Read the ENTIRE thread. There seem to be at least some parallels to your situation.

Best of luck to you.


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## bigbearsfan (Feb 11, 2014)

"about a month ago I met someone at work, I have been talking to them non stop.. I feel so cheap so dirty, and am afraid if I don't stop it now its going to go to the next level"
What have you been talking about? Are you in an EA now with him?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

badmemory said:


> You mention that your husband has cheated. Details around that would help make the picture clearer.


Meant to reference that as well.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I had to go thru your other posts to gather up details since you left them out of your original post.



Pinkdaisy91 said:


> 05-04-2013, 07:28 AM
> 
> My Husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. I can honestly say 80% of our marital problems came from Facebook, Twitter and Social Networking websites. We came to a mutual agreement after I found out my husband was talking with other women that we would delete our accounts and work on a healthy strong, long lasting relationship. Is it selfish for me to think, why should I delete my accounts I wasn't the one straying?


But haven't you been contacting your old childhood friend?



Pinkdaisy91 said:


> 07-19-2013, 07:44 PM
> 
> Yesterday I quit my job, after 3 years of being moved around having my pay cut, having my bonus took away, I then volunteered for some extra hours and was given them. I got my paycheck and of course was not paid for the work I did!!! I stopped by the office of the company I work for and as usual my boss was an arrogant prick and told me hes sacrificed a lot for me. That obviously set me off after 3 years of built up anger and lack of commending me on what a job I have done. I basically told him to take the job and shove it, after stopping by and putting my applications in at a few places on the way home I broke the news to my husband and since that moment he has been yelling, cursing, and hitting things.. he also keeps asking me for little things like tools, dinner out, and things we just can't afford like we used to its almost like he has never had to do without. I have broke down in tears several times and even went out to show him the effort i have made today with applying at 12 different locations I don't know what else to do, I mean isn't the husband supposed to be the supportive one???
> 
> HELP





Pinkdaisy91 said:


> 08-14-2013, 12:46 AM
> 
> I have been with my husband for 4 years now.. growing up I had this huge crush, obsession and probably was even in love with a boy I grew up with we never had anything past a good friendship after we got older we drifted apart i got married he got married and had children.. However on one hand I am having a good marriage with my husband but when i am away from my husband i find myself thinking of the childhood guy.. why am i doing this it disgust me but i still do it.. how can i move past this?


Without getting into your other posts, in your profile, you say you work as a security guard, so I guess this coworker is another security guard. You also come from a dysfunctional home where you claim your elder brother sexually abused you, and your parents and the rest of your family basically say its normal or call you a liar. In addition, you don't get along with your MIL and his family. On top of that, he was cheating on facebook by talking with other women. Also, what is he accusing you of? Cheating? Were you having an EA with your childhood friend?

You have a lot of personal and marital issues there. Both of your are not blameless here. I take it with your job or his, you don't have coverage or can afford MC. So you have some choices to make: Change jobs and work on your marriage, or divorce.


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