# Slow sex life??



## jquest97 (Mar 6, 2011)

So i'm not sure if this is the right place to ask but i dont really have anywhere else to go for advice. Thaought this seemd one of the more mature advice giving sites even though im not married but was planning on marring my gf im with now. 

Heres my info and question... Im 27 now and my gf is 23. She is a recovering addict with about a year clean and doing very well which i am so proud of. Prior to getting clean we would be intimate 4 to 5 times a week sometime twice in a row! We would have fun and do it anywere anytime and she would initiate at least half the time. Now ever since she got back from rehab and is clean we might have sex 3 times a month. I know her being messed up contributed to the sex drive but that much???

I always tell her how beautiful she is and call her sexy etc... I try to alway look good for her smell good etc i even baught a toys for us that she had mentioned months ago but it's still sitting in the package. I've talked to her sbout it and she says that she does think about it and is interested but the next day it seems like it never even happened and we go right back to the lack of sex life. She says its some of the medications she is on and i have no idea if that is true or just an excuse. I don't want to think shes making up excuses but i just dont know anymore. I'm in love with her and in no way want to give up on our relationship. The only part of it that makes me unhappy is thinking im just not doing it for the person i love anymore. Please, can someone give me some advice!! It would help more than anything and please do be honest...


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

The medication could very well effect her sex drive.

You sound like you are trying very hard to make her feel loved and sexy, which is very good. I would suggest telling her you need sex in order to feel close to her. 

Do you guys talk much, are you very close to each other?


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## jquest97 (Mar 6, 2011)

yes we do talk about everything and are very close. Ive told her a few times that it make me feel closer togethr and she agrees but still nothing. I know also shes taking wellbutrin (spelling) which has little effect on libido as compared to others but i will think about looking the others up. I am thinking she just may be like this maybe genetically cause her parents sleep in seperate rpooms and have zero sexlife and seem to be ok with that


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## jquest97 (Mar 6, 2011)

Im just worried ill be unhappy in the long run because of our big differences in drive. I dont want her to do it because she has to or shell lose me. i want her to want it u know! Shes always enjoyed it even the few times we still do she always says she loves it?


thank u for the response by the way! lol


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I don't know, really, because I find I'm different to most women, but I like my SO to talk really dirty to me . I like him to tell me how much he wants me, in text or email or conversation. If I feel really desired by him it makes me want him more and I am much more likely to initiate.

I will admit that I am much more comfortable with him initiating, because it makes me feel sexy and desired as a woman, but I really want it a lot. 

I like it if he just goes for it, and is quite agressive in bed, but not all women like that.

Maybe you could text her something like "I have been thinking about you all day, I want you so badly, as much as when we first met if not more, when I get home I want to rip your clothes off and **** your brains out, so wear something you don't mind losing"

Then if she responds in kind, keep the texting up and amp it up more. If she doesn't respond, take it as a wow yes, but I'm too shy to respond. 

Then when you get home, be brave, go to her and grab her in your arms, kiss her passionately, and be more aggressive then usual, take her to the bedroom, lay her down, rip her clothes off and you know the rest.

* this is just something that would work for me and you will know if she doesn't like it.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

Find out from a dr if it is the meds and what can be done (change meds/ change foods, whatever) and call a drug help hotline and ask about the affects of becoming sober on sex life and they might be able to help you work sex back into things. Also keep in mind that there may be some bad psychological connections between her addiction and sex (I would say there often is for women).


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

there is a VERY good chance it is the med, but she was also probably more interested when she was using.

Although wellbutrin has lower side effect, its different for everyone.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Absolutely look up the side effects of the drugs! Step one. I took Wellbutrin years ago, and it knocked my libido in the dirt. Didn't help with the depression, either...so I was only too happy to go off of it. 

Find out what those drugs are capable of doing first, then you'll know how to further proceed.


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