# Wife is in full MLC...any have MC work?



## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

I have several posts on here related to my wifes mid life crisis. She is gone, checked out on the marriage since July....so a while. All the advice i get is to just let her go. I am not playing the Beta, asking her to stay, crying and pleading for her. 

She doesnt want to go to MC, but i feel like i HAVE the need to do something, anything, to at least give MC a shot of maybe pulling her, if just a little, out of her fog. Otherwise, we just walk away..and that sure as heck doesnt seem right to me..though its what the prevailing advice is.

Has anyone actually had MC work, when the spouse is THIS deep into an MLC? I have read in "Limbo" that once they get to the "i want a separation" point, which we are, and yes there is an OM, that its way too late for MC. 

Not looking for ANY Beta/Alpha talk, just experiences.

Thanks


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Garry,

Sorry to jump back on you here but stop calling this a MLC. It is an affair

Sometimes the only way to jolt a wayward spouse out of the fog is to file. This may give her pause and push her to consider MC

If you continue to ignore the advice you've been given for weeks now, you'll wind up riding this straight into the ground at 1,000 MPH


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

It is an affair, im not in dissagreement, but it is driven, i think, by an MLC. Thus its an MLC. I have taken the vast majority of the advice here actually, and it has helped me to grow. I wouldnt be ANYWHERE had i not found this site. I would still be thinking she really needed space, would not have got the VAR, and not seen a divorce atty. I owe ALOT to this site, I do, and i recognize that. 

Am i somewhat in denial as was mentioned yesterday...yeah, i prob am. I disagreed at first, but thought more about it, and i am.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

The advice i have been given IS to drive it into the ground without any effort on my part, hoping that someone who I would characterize as sick, or maybe sick, reacts. To me, that is equivalent to giving an alzeimers patient a puzzle and if they dont figure it out, walk away. So yeah, i do struggle with just flat out giving up...which is almost 100% of the advice I have received. 

I dont have any false hopes, i am accepting its over. BUT if MC can help me move on faster, with some closure, it is worth the try. If i can get her to move an inch, its worth at least a try. Just wanted to see if ANYONE has had any success.

And im sure that looking for MC is beta.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Garry,

While I agree filing is driving it to ground, not filing makes you simply a passenger in this crash. Driving the process will give you at least a little bit of control

As I've said before to you (and you'll see it written about alot in the infielity section) sometimes you have to risk throwing it ALL AWAY to have even the slightest chance at redemption

While there are 3 people in the marriage (you, her and the OM) MC is a waste of time and money

You really need to go with the shock and awe approach to try and wake her up.


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