# New Member, Wife left 2 months ago



## Digital man (Mar 7, 2011)

Hello all,
I thought today on my wifes birthday, instead of going deeper in depression, I would see that I'm probably not alone and maybe start talking to others cause the pain in unbearable.
We have been married for 20 years and friends for over 25. We have 3 sons, 15, 12 and 9. They are all living with me for the time being. She got her own apt and a new cell, so the boys and I have had no contact with her for over 2 weeks. I have for the 1st time stopped trying to find her new number as she has tried this before and she got mad and called the cops when I found where she lived. All my female friends say, just leave her be. Give her some space. I know they are right and somedays I'm ok with it. Taking care of 3 kids with no child support is hard. She tried to get a restraining order twice but was denied cause I never hurt her. Our problems stem from financial stress, that lead to verbal abuse to each other. I said that when she gets her own apt, it's over. Why would she sign a year lease and want to come back. I got the boys and myself into ind. and family therapy. Know one knows why she can stay away from her 3 sons. I would go nuts if it were me. I don't want to be with someone who dosen't love me anymore and I have felt that way from her for a while. I just can't keep my brain and heart from totally missing her. I know she is never coming back but still can't seem to move forward and enjoy life like she is. I'm so lost. If I didn't have my 3 sons to take care of, I really wouldn't care to much about the future with out her.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Stay strong for yourself and your boys. 

Are you sure she's not shacked up with some dude?

I would just let her be for a bit longer and then start divorce proceedings on basis of abandonment?

Does she have any contact with your sons?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Digital man said:


> Hello all,
> I thought today on my wifes birthday, instead of going deeper in depression, I would see that I'm probably not alone and maybe start talking to others cause the pain in unbearable.
> We have been married for 20 years and friends for over 25. We have 3 sons, 15, 12 and 9. They are all living with me for the time being. She got her own apt and a new cell, so the boys and I have had no contact with her for over 2 weeks. I have for the 1st time stopped trying to find her new number as she has tried this before and she got mad and called the cops when I found where she lived. All my female friends say, just leave her be. Give her some space. I know they are right and somedays I'm ok with it. Taking care of 3 kids with no child support is hard. She tried to get a restraining order twice but was denied cause I never hurt her. Our problems stem from financial stress, that lead to verbal abuse to each other. I said that when she gets her own apt, it's over. Why would she sign a year lease and want to come back. I got the boys and myself into ind. and family therapy. Know one knows why she can stay away from her 3 sons. I would go nuts if it were me. I don't want to be with someone who dosen't love me anymore and I have felt that way from her for a while. I just can't keep my brain and heart from totally missing her. I know she is never coming back but still can't seem to move forward and enjoy life like she is. I'm so lost. If I didn't have my 3 sons to take care of, I really wouldn't care to much about the future with out her.


Hi, I'm new to the forum too have been reading for a while and finally decided to post today.
It is really awful what you are going through  I'm not sure how any mother could not see their kids for 2 weeks?
I wish I could give you some advice on how not to think about the situation all the time but I have no idea myself how to do that, hopefully as time goes on things will get easier, thats what I keep hoping anyway!
Good on you for looking after the kids and being such a great dad, your kids will remember this in the future


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

So sorry you are going through this. As a mother, I can't imagine another mother abandoning her children like that. Glad you found TAM; you will find much advice and encouragement here.

Best wishes for you and your boys.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

So sorry to read your post. There are a lot of great people on this forum, and lots of helpful advice & support. It has been really helpful for me. 

Keep your chin up, you are an amazing father. And how hard it is to stay strong for the kids when you want to crumble.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

It's hard for me to read about mother abandoning her children like that...with no phone calls at all.I am a mother and can never ever understand how another mother can do this.Shocking.
So sorry for what you're going through,the emotions are one thing but the kids and finances and putting food and roof and happy face for them is another story. You are an amazing father ,they are lucky to have you.Hopefully your W. will at least help financially .
Hang in there and keep writing .
hugs


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## Digital man (Mar 7, 2011)

Thank you all for the kind words. We moved from up north to down south 4 years ago. I have one childhood best friend for family and thats it. Unfortunatly she is friends with his wife and one other couple as well. The husbands have kind of kept their distance. So I have no one to lean on. From what I know and how well I know her, I'm pretty sure there is no OM. In all fairness, she is keeping from the kids to not run into me and that hurts. We need to R but I don't see her ever coming back. She cant handle the boys alone and has admitted it. Twice has had the 9 year old and while she was working he slipped away from the drunks she left him with. I want to be with her but I don't know how to handle all this. I'm not into playing games like, act like u dont care and stay away and don't contact her like today, the 1st time in 26 years I wasn't with her on her birthday. Everyone says, she is just as miserable as you, I just can't believe that. She is surrounded by people that hate me. I do think something needed to change or we would have gone on taking each other for granted. I feel like a wimp but I miss her very much. It takes a year and a day to divorce in our state. She has a year lease. I'm doomed. I wish I didn't care. I have hurt her emotionally but so has she to me. So confused, so alone.


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