# Hubby's Belly is Huge, and Its a turn off!



## WB7

OK, Ive been married almost 10 years and Im very happy. But lately, I just dont want to have sex! My hubbys belly has grown so much and its a major turn off. When he gets naked, all I see is this enormous belly and I just cant get into having sex! Its just NOT sexy! I work really hard to stay slim and my belly is perfectly flat...do I tell him that this is why I dont want to have sex? I have told him to join the gym and have been on him for a few years already but he works a lot and doesnt seem willing to fit the gym into his schedule.... Am I being too superficial? I love him, he is a wonderful man....


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## Hope1964

My hubby has a big belly too, and when we were having problems it really bothered me. Now, not so much 

Are you sure there isn't anything else going on with the two of you? We do tend to magnify others faults when our love bank with them is in the red.


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## WB7

No...I love him so much..He is an amazing man...Im just soooo not into big bellies...When we first got together he was totally in shape and the other day he told me, "Im just gonna get fat and you're gonna like it." Uh no.


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## WorkingOnMe

I think you should tell him. But I'll tell you what I often tell the men; reward his good behavior, and discourage his bad behavior. After you tell him, "catch" him going to the gym....and pour on the affection (that's a polite way of saying enthusiastic sex). And when he skips a workout, well, keep doing what you're already doing. Let him start adding 2+2 in the back of his mind.


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## KathyBatesel

Sexercise him! 

When he can't keep up like he used to, I bet he'll find a way to start getting in shape more.


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## Hope1964

WB7 said:


> "Im just gonna get fat and you're gonna like it."


And he's an 'amazing' man??


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## WB7

he is an amazing man with a big belly. 
he is kind, loving, loyal...I just cant get into having sex when I see what looks like a 9month pregnant belly 
Just being honest...


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## WB7

LOL He was joking when he said that but it was a jerk thing to say..You are so right.


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## oneMOreguy

WB7 said:


> OK, Ive been married almost 10 years and Im very happy. But lately, I just dont want to have sex! My hubbys belly has grown so much and its a major turn off. When he gets naked, all I see is this enormous belly and I just cant get into having sex! Its just NOT sexy! I work really hard to stay slim and my belly is perfectly flat...do I tell him that this is why I dont want to have sex? I have told him to join the gym and have been on him for a few years already but he works a lot and doesnt seem willing to fit the gym into his schedule.... Am I being too superficial? I love him, he is a wonderful man....


...exercise is very important to health....but it is simply not possible to overcome and fix a weight issue with exercise.....weight is primarily an overeating issue........a combination of exercise and healthy nutrition is the path to fixing this....my best advice is to address both issues, and start tracking what he eats so he can see an accurate calorie balance.....good luck


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## Hope1964

I am not sure how you can tell him without it offending him, really. Do you think he doesn't know he has a big belly?

You also can't change him. He has to want to change himself.

I changed my eating habits a few years ago, hoping hubby would follow, but he didn't. He eats way too much carbs and junk food, and doesn't exercise anywhere near as much as he should. We're both guilty of drinking beer more often than we should too.

I've just come to accept the whole package - the belly is part of it. Filling each others love banks has helped tremendously for us to accept certain things and concentrate on what we CAN change.


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## KathyBatesel

WB7 said:


> LOL He was joking when he said that but it was a jerk thing to say..You are so right.


I think his remark was an attempt to pretend he's not bothered by it. He knows. He doesn't like it. I think if you realize that it's part of the wonderful guy that he is, that without the belly there'd be no "him" in your life, you might learn to overlook his belly and perhaps even come to see it as something "fun." I know how crazy that sounds, but millions of people adore the jolly ol' fat guy at Christmas, right? Joking aside, it's true that the more we admire someone, the more we're able to overlook their flaws and even find those things attractive.


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## WorkingOnMe

Hope1964 said:


> I am not sure how you can tell him without it offending him, really. Do you think he doesn't know he has a big belly?


You just tell him. Yes, it might hurt his feelings. But we're guys. We're kind of used to it. You're thinking of it like a woman would take it. I would never tell my wife to lose weight. But she's told me to. If I let myself go for a while she'll just come out and say it "look at your belly. That is just not a turn on. Yuck." I'm not claiming he'll like the comment, but he won't react the way a woman would. I know, I know, double standard. Sorry about that.


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## WB7

UGH. I cant just accept the big belly. Im not into that, never have been...and really am grossed out with it. I cant help it. Ive tried to accept it and then for a while I forget...and now its GINORMOUS. I mean its HUGE!! :O I have to tell him...
Whats worse is that a few years ago his belly got huge...and I told him, and he LOST IT IN 3 weeks. Yes in 3 weeks. He hit the gym and bam! He was back in shape..Its so easy for him....


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## KathyBatesel

WB7 said:


> UGH. I cant just accept the big belly. Im not into that, never have been...and really am grossed out with it. I cant help it. Ive tried to accept it and then for a while I forget...and now its GINORMOUS. I mean its HUGE!! :O I have to tell him...
> Whats worse is that a few years ago his belly got huge...and I told him, and he LOST IT IN 3 weeks. Yes in 3 weeks. He hit the gym and bam! He was back in shape..Its so easy for him....


Then why are you even asking this here? 

You already know how he'll respond.


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## Hope1964

WorkingOnMe said:


> You just tell him. Yes, it might hurt his feelings. But we're guys. We're kind of used to it. You're thinking of it like a woman would take it. I would never tell my wife to lose weight. But she's told me to. If I let myself go for a while she'll just come out and say it "look at your belly. That is just not a turn on. Yuck." I'm not claiming he'll like the comment, but he won't react the way a woman would. I know, I know, double standard. Sorry about that.


So are you more likely to try to lose your belly if your wife just out and tells you, or if she models the changes she'd like to see?


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## WB7

WB7 said:


> I have told him to join the gym and have been on him for a few years already but he works a lot and doesnt seem willing to fit the gym into his schedule....



This is the 2nd time around and this time he just hasnt done anything about it. THATS WHY!!!!!!


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## WorkingOnMe

Hope1964 said:


> So are you more likely to try to lose your belly if your wife just out and tells you, or if she models the changes she'd like to see?


I'm pretty self motivated. She's only telling me what I already know. She tries to model the behavior, but her diet is completely unrealistic for me. I seriously get dizzy spells and can't stand up if I try to limit to the amount of food she eats. Low blood sugar I guess.


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## ladybird

KathyBatesel said:


> Sexercise him!
> 
> When he can't keep up like he used to, I bet he'll find a way to start getting in shape more.


 My husband also has a big belly, the rest of him isn't fat. He has issues in the bedroom and he has not done anything to change it. His own Dr told him if he lost weight, it would greatly improve his sexual function. He has yet to do anything about it and I am really growing tired of waiting. I am not getting any younger.

I have never told him that he is fat or a turn off, that would make things worse.


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## WB7

Ive been modeling the change for 10 years. I work out, eat right and still weigh exactly what I weighed when we got married. I dont know how much more to model the change! And I've had 2 kids!!!! It hasnt been easy because I LOVE FOOD!


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## Deejo

So ...

We consistently walk on egg-shells and deal with an emotional powder keg when it's a man addressing this issue with a woman.

My advice in your case is very straightforward.

Shame him. Don't couch it. Don't soft peddle. Be creatively cruel to be kind.

He wants sex? Say something like "Oh, honey, I don't want to hurt the baby." and gingerly rub his belly.

That kind of thing.

If it isn't ok with you, than it isn't ok. 

You can say; "I want to find you sexually attractive, but sadly I just don't."

That kind of stuff is usually sufficient for a dude to get the message.


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## AFEH

WB7 said:


> This is the 2nd time around and this time he just hasnt done anything about it. THATS WHY!!!!!!


Maybe take a photo of him, front and side, and get a Photoshop expert to add a further 100 pounds or so. Then print and frame it and put it somewhere alongside the original so that he sees them everyday. 

You need to frighten him into action.


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## tm84

I think that another thing for him to consider is how the added weight is probably already affecting his health. I don't know your husband's stats, but I'm willing to bet that if he allows his body to continue towards obesity, he is going to eventually have heart problems, knee and hip problems because of the excess weight, breathing problems, and possibly be at risk for diabetes, among other things. 

Someone already mentioned exercise and changes in his diet, perhaps fewer carbs, more fresh foods (fruits, vegetables, greens, grains, fish, etc...) 

I could go on, but he'll have to want to change. There's probably little that you can do (aside from bribing him with sex when he does something good for himself) that will have an effect. 

Have you noticed any changes in his general demeanor? Is it possible that he's depressed?


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## Deejo

You can talk health until you're blue in the face. Won't matter. 

You want results?

Shut off the sex. 

Start exercising yourself.


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## WB7

"""He wants sex? Say something like "Oh, honey, I don't want to hurt the baby." and gingerly rub his belly."""

LOL, hilarious. Gonna have to try it.... I exercise alllllll the time!!!!!


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## WorkingOnMe

See, we're a little thick in the skull. Subtlety doesn't work with guys.


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## Kimberley17

Do you do the grocery shopping? Stop bringing junk into the house if you do. I do realize you have no control of what he eats when he's at work. I had the same issue with my husband but it got really bad and turned me off when we started having marital problems. It really turned me off...


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## cloudwithleggs

Deejo said:


> That kind of stuff is usually sufficient for a dude to get the message.


Don't forget to tell him his **** seems smaller as well as it can't go as deep


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## MW85

My husband's belly is huge as well. I understand completely what you are saying. It makes it harder to have sex, let alone to find him sexy when he's naked. 

Do you do the cooking? Maybe you could start making healthier meals? Honestly, it sounds like you should just talk to him about it. 

Does he care about his health? That card doesn't work on mine because he genuinely does not care one bit about his health, ha! 

Anyway you look at it, it's a sticky conversation.


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## Plan 9 from OS

I'll admit that I'm a husband that is overweight. I have broad shoulders and I have good genes when it comes to having natural muscle. However, I know what I need to do and that it would be better all around. I lost a lot of weight in 2011 and was doing great until I injured my right achilles (tendonitis, but it bothered me for awhile). I lost my momentum and allowed myself to gain almost all of the weight back. It's tough, and I'm sure your husband knows what he must do. 

If at all possible you need to find a way to motivate him in a positive way. I was motivated when I had a sugar measurement around 107. Scared the crap out of me and I threw myself into exercise and healthy eating. Next visit to the Dr's my sugar was in the 60s, my TOTAL cholesterol was 98, and my tryglicerides were 97. If your husband hasn't had is blood work tested lately, maybe it would be a great idea to have it done. Maybe he can get a little scare from seeing some nasty numbers and that will motivate him to change. 

Having said all of that, I need to make the change for the better too. I travel more for work than I have in a long time, and that is one challenge that I'll have to overcome. Maybe your husband has a similar challenge due to travel.


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## Machiavelli

Metabolic syndrome. You would be amazed at how little exercise is needed to reverse this, if the diet is right. Get rid of the grain and sugar and most of the problem goes away very quickly.


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## KathyBatesel

WB7 said:


> This is the 2nd time around and this time he just hasnt done anything about it. THATS WHY!!!!!!


But the difference between this time and last appears to be that you haven't said anything! That *was* your original question! If saying something motivated him before, why wouldn't it do the same thing the second time around? 

It sounds like your opinion matters to him, judging from his "joking" comment and the results that you saw the first time!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you...


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## 40isthenew20

Joining a gym, doing a zillion sit-ups and all of that stuff means nothing if he chows down on pizza and McD's. diet is everything. He can eat a low carb diet and drop some of that disgusting belly before even wasting money on a temporary gym membership. 

He needs to make some type of commitment at home before getting that token gym card. Even a cardio machine at home coupled with a diet will work better.


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## dubbizle

There are all kinds of teams sports for adults now days so maybe suggest he sign up and play [hopefully one with not too much beer drinking] see if he wants to get involed in the Martial Arts/boxing which are great workouts. If you do the gym thing look for the one closest to your house so he has less excuese or one that is closest to his work so he can go on the way home. 

You also know that if you do gain weight when you get older he is going to expect the same thing of you even if you have kids.


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## SomeDamagedGoods

WB7 said:


> UGH. I cant just accept the big belly. Im not into that, never have been...and really am grossed out with it. I cant help it. Ive tried to accept it and then for a while I forget...and now its GINORMOUS. I mean its HUGE!! :O I have to tell him...
> Whats worse is that a few years ago his belly got huge...and I told him, and he LOST IT IN 3 weeks. Yes in 3 weeks. He hit the gym and bam! He was back in shape..Its so easy for him....


Tell him what you are posting here - the belly needs to go as it is causing you problems. You may want to also mention that he's perfect for you otherwise  (most men need that).

Nobody faults you for not wanting to have sex with Santa Claus.

The double-standard on spousal weight gain is sooo interesting. So many other threads with the wife being ones with the weight gain and the husband turned off (ladies, sorry, but men are kinda built this way - I know it's unfair).

It's been my belief that we have the obligation to themselves and their family to stay as healthy as you can. Good diet + exercise, even better together! When I see couples running or at the gym with each other, I can't help but think "there's couple that has it together."


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## Stevenj

The benefit is that the more cushion, the more pushin.


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