# When did you know?



## sammisweetheart

Hello! :smile2:

When in your relationship did you know that your husband/wife was "the one"?

Am I crazy for thinking I know at 2 months in?

Sam


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## BioFury

sammisweetheart said:


> Hello! :smile2:
> 
> When in your relationship did you know that your husband/wife was "the one"?
> 
> Am I crazy for thinking I know at 2 months in?
> 
> Sam


The sad reality is that there are a lot of people who thought they found "the one", all to be disappointed by said individual years later.

It's a great feeling, but I would recommend giving it time. Let the honeymoon phase (18-24 months) wear off before committing to marriage. Discussing your values (listed below) in depth, ranking them by importance, etc., will help you better understand what drives each other. Reading "His Needs, Her Needs" and discussing it's contents is also a must.

Values: 

Career
Leisure
Care Giving
Family
Intimate Relationships
Community Involvement
Religion & Culture
Education/Personal Development
Mental & Physical Health
Friendship
Sex & Physical Intimacy
Finances


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## sammisweetheart

The honeymoon phase really lasts that long?


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## Married but Happy

I thought my first wife was - well, not the "one," as there is no such thing IMO - a great match after perhaps 6 months of dating. I didn't know any better, being too young to have the requisite experience. Needless to say, I got that one wrong, but stuck it out for a very long time anyway.

The next time around, I knew on the third date that I'd found as ideal a match as possible. It took some time (nearly a year) and issues to work through to actually make it work (and to thoroughly verify my intuition on this), but it has been every bit as ideal these last 19 years as it was on that third date.

You are more likely to get this intuition right if you've had plenty of dating and relationship experience, know yourself _really_ well (and what you want and need), and are able to get an exceptionally clear idea of the person you're dating, quickly. Otherwise, hormones are probably deluding you.


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## BioFury

sammisweetheart said:


> The honeymoon phase really lasts that long?


Studies measuring the relevant hormone and chemical levels in the bloodstream indicate as much, yes.

But I can only presume that you're having sex, and doing everything else a married couple would, already. So what's the rush?


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## ConanHub

I knew at first sight that I had to have her and 8 hours later she was in my bed.

That was over 27 years ago so I guess the lighting that struck me when I saw her struck true.

I do know it isn't usual and I also don't ascribe to there being "The One" as there are many women that I am compatible with.

Mrs. C just happens to be a great candidate among the compatible.


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## sammisweetheart

BioFury said:


> Studies measuring the relevant hormone and chemical levels in the bloodstream indicate as much, yes.
> 
> But I can only presume that you're having sex, and doing everything else a married couple would, already. So what's the rush?


I guess there's really no rush, more of the fact that I was caught off guard by the feelings I'm having. If he asked me today to marry him, I'd be willing to run to the courthouse. I feel I'm very calculated and planned with everything that I do, so these thoughts scare me.


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## Emerging Buddhist

My sister came home after her first date with her husband and told my mom she was going to marry that man... they just celebrated their 32nd anniversary.

For us, after 6 months of "you too!", we're not so surprised anymore. :smile2:

Until my current relationship, I really didn't believe in "the one".

Now I'm not so sure... every time I look at her my inner essence tells me I've not just known her all my life, I've loved her also, it just took me decades on a path of awareness to get here.


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## BioFury

sammisweetheart said:


> I guess there's really no rush, more of the fact that I was caught off guard by the feelings I'm having. If he asked me today to marry him, I'd be willing to run to the courthouse. I feel I'm very calculated and planned with everything that I do, so these thoughts scare me.


I know how you feel. Based on others' posts, their experiences have been good, and I'm happy for them. For myself, I met "the one" some years ago. I felt like I had known her for centuries, like she was a part of me. But now she's gone.


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## sammisweetheart

BioFury said:


> I know how you feel. Based on others' posts, their experiences have been good, and I'm happy for them. For myself, I met "the one" some years ago. I felt like I had known her for centuries, like she was a part of me. But now she's gone.


You and Emerging Buddhist explained my feelings exactly. 

J and I have known each other casually through friends for quite awhile and they made a joke about us going for a date since we were both single. We went out to kind of continue the joke- and it was like we both got hit with a Mack truck. 

I'm not sure how you meant that we are probably already acting as a married couple?


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## BioFury

sammisweetheart said:


> You and Emerging Buddhist explained my feelings exactly.
> 
> J and I have known each other casually through friends for quite awhile and they made a joke about us going for a date since we were both single. We went out to kind of continue the joke- and it was like we both got hit with a Mack truck.
> 
> I'm not sure how you meant that we are probably already acting as a married couple?


I was merely saying that marriage holds no treasures for you. You're having sex, making out, sleeping in the same bed, showering together, eating breakfast naked... all the special things conventionally restricted to marriage. So there's little point for you to rush towards the alter, IMO.


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## Emerging Buddhist

BioFury said:


> I was merely saying that marriage holds no treasures for you. You're having sex, making out, sleeping in the same bed, showering together, eating breakfast naked... all the special things conventionally restricted to marriage. So there's little point for you to rush towards the alter, IMO.


This is all true... but there comes point that marriage itself is a treasure born of commitment to weather the tougher moments, all the other things you speak of are the easier of loving actions.

The love that shows through when you are at your most vulnerable is the strongest... those are the valuable actions that tell you marriage is the right thing.


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## sammisweetheart

We definitely have some more to experience together before we commit to a marriage. We’ve delved into some pretty deep topics already and both have really laid ourselves out on a lot of things. It will be interesting to see how things go when we have an argument. I know I can be hotheaded and J says he is too.


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## BioFury

ConanHub said:


> I knew at first sight that I had to have her and 8 hours later she was in my bed.


I've been wanting story time on that one for a while. Pretty please?


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## ConanHub

BioFury said:


> I've been wanting story time on that one for a while. Pretty please?


Hahaha! What?


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## BioFury

ConanHub said:


> Hahaha! What?


Common, give us a play by play :grin2: What were you doing, what was she doing, what did you think, what did you say, what did she say, then what, then what, then what :grin2:


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## sammisweetheart

BioFury said:


> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hahaha! What?
> 
> 
> 
> Common, give us a play by play <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a> What were you doing, what was she doing, what did you think, what did you say, what did she say, then what, then what, then what <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>
Click to expand...

I’m LOLing at this!


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## ConanHub

BioFury said:


> Common, give us a play by play :grin2: What were you doing, what was she doing, what did you think, what did you say, what did she say, then what, then what, then what :grin2:


Ok. If OP doesn't mind, I'll post it tomorrow because I'm dating my wife now.:grin2:


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## sammisweetheart

ConanHub said:


> BioFury said:
> 
> 
> 
> Common, give us a play by play <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a> What were you doing, what was she doing, what did you think, what did you say, what did she say, then what, then what, then what <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>
> 
> 
> 
> Ok. If OP doesn't mind, I'll post it tomorrow because I'm dating my wife now.<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>
Click to expand...

Not a problem. 😉
Happy date night!


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## Spicy

Very quickly, but I was middle age, and really knew what I wanted and so did he.
We are mismatched in drive though, but nearly custom made for each other outside of that. It was quite awesome actually. By two months I definitely knew.


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## CharlieParker

After I puked in her favorite shoes. Oh, wait that’s when she knew I was the one. 

She started puking a few hours later, Bloody Mary”s gone bad. We bonded over a bucket and took turns with the only toilet. Good times.


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## sammisweetheart

CharlieParker said:


> After I puked in her favorite shoes. Oh, wait that’s when she knew I was the one.
> 
> She started puking a few hours later, Bloody Mary”s gone bad. We bonded over a bucket and took turns with the only toilet. Good times.


LOL. Fun story!


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## sammisweetheart

Spicy said:


> Very quickly, but I was middle age, and really knew what I wanted and so did he.
> We are mismatched in drive though, but nearly custom made for each other outside of that. It was quite awesome actually. By two months I definitely knew.


I am pretty sure I know what I want. I’m 24 and he’s 27. We both have had serious relationship before. I feel we compliment each other really well.


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## Andy1001

The first time I saw my wife she had her back to me.When she turned around I said to myself “that’s her” that’s the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
She told me later that as soon as she seen me that morning she knew we would end up together.
She still made me work to win her affection though lol.


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## ConanHub

BioFury said:


> Common, give us a play by play :grin2: What were you doing, what was she doing, what did you think, what did you say, what did she say, then what, then what, then what :grin2:


Ok. I was a 20 year old bad boy with fairly pretty looks.

I grew up very rough and I was planning on saving up to move to California with a friend to basically party, cause havoc and try not to get caught until I died. I didn't plan on making it to 30.

I don't know what it is about bad boys but women literally served themselves up. I had a lot of heartbreak earlier in life including a girl I really loved marrying someone else for all the wrong reasons.

So, there I was, content to ride around on my motorcycle, occasionally kicking some ass and occasionally sampling some with no real plan for a future.

I was working at a gas station in our small town when one day she walked in.

Our families actually knew each other but we hadn't seen each other since she was 23 and I was 12.

She started dating her future husband then and moved.

8 years later she waltzed into my store with a smile for me and I remember spying on her when she use to sunbathe topless.

Now up to this point I had been with roughly 60 women from all walks of life. They ranged from sweet girl next door types to truly wild women and even a model or two including a Budweiser girl and a 6'2" blonde Amazon. Though many of them were nice women and would have married me in a hot minute, I was a young, hardened wild man whose heart was untouchable.

So when she walked in my gas station, Sally Fields cute, 5' tall with her almost midnight dark eyes sparkling at me, no one was more surprised than me when my world literally tilted sideways, I felt like I was struck by lightning and I swear I heard God by my shoulder, tapping me and pointing at her saying "That's her."

Before I knew it, I was grinning like an idiot.

She walked up to me bold as daylight, still smiling and said "You sure got cute.". I responded with "And you've sure stayed cute.". I then did something I had never done before and asked her out for a date that night. All the other women had chased me but I couldn't control myself around her and had to have her.

She said yes so I got off work, got ready and picked her up to go to a local bar to play pool.

I don't play pool....

I had to win the table from this guy to play pool with my date and he kept kicking my ass.

$5 later, I think he felt sorry for me and let me win so I could play the table with my gal.

She kicked my ass too and smiled the whole time and I couldn't stop smiling either.

A serious heat was already between us and, after we played a few rounds, we kissed for the first time.

I was never kissed like that before. She molded her body right into mine and gave me everything.

I swear I could feel her body open to me and, to this day, I could feel children in that kiss.

We both knew we just ignited something that we couldn't stop and went directly from the bar to my bedroom.

What happened next was embarrassing for a bad boy with as much experience as I had.

I shook like a leaf, Like a scared virgin. I think it was because it was different with her. I knew it would be far more than sex that was about to happen.

We made it through the night and had a serious talk in the morning because we both knew gravity had shifted.

We committed to each other and screwed ourselves silly over the next week.

We had some ups and downs as well as a lot of work on both our parts but we are into our 28th year. We have two sons, two grandchildren and she still gets my motor running and drops her pants if I even hint I want her.

Weird and improbable as we looked on paper, we worked.

P.S. My friend was really pissed that I didn't go to California with him and even tried to seduce my then girlfriend to break us up. It didn't work of course and she told me right away.

I'm glad I didn't go, I'm glad I lived past 30 and I'm really glad I have a loving wife and family.


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## BioFury

ConanHub said:


> Ok. I was a 20 year old bad boy with fairly pretty looks.
> 
> I grew up very rough and I was planning on saving up to move to California with a friend to basically party, cause havoc and try not to get caught until I died. I didn't plan on making it to 30.
> 
> I don't know what it is about bad boys but women literally served themselves up. I had a lot of heartbreak earlier in life including a girl I really loved marrying someone else for all the wrong reasons.
> 
> So, there I was, content to ride around on my motorcycle, occasionally kicking some ass and occasionally sampling some with no real plan for a future.
> 
> I was working at a gas station in our small town when one day she walked in.
> 
> Our families actually knew each other but we hadn't seen each other since she was 23 and I was 12.
> 
> She started dating her future husband then and moved.
> 
> 8 years later she waltzed into my store with a smile for me and I remember spying on her when she use to sunbathe topless.
> 
> Now up to this point I had been with roughly 60 women from all walks of life. They ranged from sweet girl next door types to truly wild women and even a model or two including a Budweiser girl and a 6'2" blonde Amazon. Though many of them were nice women and would have married me in a hot minute, I was a young, hardened wild man whose heart was untouchable.
> 
> So when she walked in my gas station, Sally Fields cute, 5' tall with her almost midnight dark eyes sparkling at me, no one was more surprised than me when my world literally tilted sideways, I felt like I was struck by lightning and I swear I heard God by my shoulder, tapping me and pointing at her saying "That's her."
> 
> Before I knew it, I was grinning like an idiot.
> 
> She walked up to me bold as daylight, still smiling and said "You sure got cute.". I responded with "And you've sure stayed cute.". I then did something I had never done before and asked her out for a date that night. All the other women had chased me but I couldn't control myself around her and had to have her.
> 
> She said yes so I got off work, got ready and picked her up to go to a local bar to play pool.
> 
> I don't play pool....
> 
> I had to win the table from this guy to play pool with my date and he kept kicking my ass.
> 
> $5 later, I think he felt sorry for me and let me win so I could play the table with my gal.
> 
> She kicked my ass too and smiled the whole time and I couldn't stop smiling either.
> 
> A serious heat was already between us and, after we played a few rounds, we kissed for the first time.
> 
> I was never kissed like that before. She molded her body right into mine and gave me everything.
> 
> I swear I could feel her body open to me and, to this day, I could feel children in that kiss.
> 
> We both knew we just ignited something that we couldn't stop and went directly from the bar to my bedroom.
> 
> What happened next was embarrassing for a bad boy with as much experience as I had.
> 
> I shook like a leaf, Like a scared virgin. I think it was because it was different with her. I knew it would be far more than sex that was about to happen.
> 
> We made it through the night and had a serious talk in the morning because we both knew gravity had shifted.
> 
> We committed to each other and screwed ourselves silly over the next week.
> 
> We had some ups and downs as well as a lot of work on both our parts but we are into our 28th year. We have two sons, two grandchildren and she still gets my motor running and drops her pants if I even hint I want her.
> 
> Weird and improbable as we looked on paper, we worked.
> 
> P.S. My friend was really pissed that I didn't go to California with him and even tried to seduce my then girlfriend to break us up. It didn't work of course and she told me right away.
> 
> I'm glad I didn't go, I'm glad I lived past 30 and I'm really glad I have a loving wife and family.


Lol, at what point did you tell her that you use to spy on her? What was her reaction?

Great story, thanks for sharing :grin2: I'm happy things worked out for you guys, and hope things only continue to get better.


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## red oak

It's very possible. My wife and I were fairly certain about each other well before 2 months. 
Only thing I would caution is each to look at past personal baggage. 
It's all set aside at beginning of a relationship, but if not dealt with previously or now can crop up later.

Edit: Not entirely true. We both "knew" but being me I had to "know."


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## MJJEAN

I knew the minute I saw him. I was in a seriously crappy marriage, had two young kids, and was in a real dark place. Then I saw him. I just knew. It was ridiculous, insane, and any other word you might think to use, but it was real. He was this bright light in a very grey world. Until that moment I had never felt anything like it and would have told you that me feeling that way about anyone was impossible. The absolute depth and breadth of my feelings for him terrified me and I don't scare easy.

I blew up my life for him less than 3 months after our first date in December 1999. We married in December 2002. This year we celebrate 19 years as a couple, 16 of those married.


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## Diana7

I met husband on line when we were in our late 40's. 
First contact Tuesday, spoke on the phone Thursday and met Saturday.Many many emails in between. 
I knew in less than a week that I wanted to marry him and 9 months later we were married, !3 years ago tomorrow. 
I had made a list of what I wanted in a man and prayed that God would find me one like that. He did. We both had baggage but I knew that he was far too good to miss. Men like him are rare even in Christian circles.


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## Andy1001

Diana7 said:


> I met husband on line when we were in our late 40's.
> First contact Tuesday, spoke on the phone Thursday and met Saturday.Many many emails in between.
> I knew in less than a week that I wanted to marry him and 9 months later we were married, !3 years ago tomorrow.
> I had made a list of what I wanted in a man and prayed that God would find me one like that. He did. We both had baggage but I knew that he was far too good to miss. Men like him are rare even in Christian circles.


Happy Anniversary Diana.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> I met husband on line when we were in our late 40's.
> 
> First contact Tuesday, spoke on the phone Thursday and met Saturday.Many many emails in between.
> 
> I knew in less than a week that I wanted to marry him and 9 months later we were married, !3 years ago tomorrow.
> 
> I had made a list of what I wanted in a man and prayed that God would find me one like that. He did. We both had baggage but I knew that he was far too good to miss. Men like him are rare even in Christian circles.



‘Even’? Don’t be too discriminative 

Happy anniversary. It’s a nice success story that I don’t imagine happens very often with online dating.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> The first time I saw my wife she had her back to me.When she turned around I said to myself “that’s her” that’s the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.



That’s very rare! You were lucky. With me, it was exactly the other way around: I saw women’s backs and was always ‘that’s her!’, but as soon as they turned around, it was always, ‘no....my eyes...please....just...no’! (Ok that was a bit mean )

So with my wife, I made sure I approached her from the front, and I knew I was onto something. When she turned around....I was already on the phone calling for wedding venues. And a tissue in my other hand.

Ok that’s gross. It wasn’t quite like that.
She was one of the first girls I saw when I got to the new school and something went off in me. I was always passive with pursuing girls in general up to that point. Seeing her changed everything. There were many other guys after her and she was dating someone else at the time. It was a hormonal jungle in the school (it was a boarding school).
Persistence eventually paid off. I think I was lucky. But also very determined to have her.

It’s funny because I don’t actually believe at all in The One. Even though I could never imagine being with anyone else or have the same attraction or feelings towards anyone else. I always felt that from the moment I saw her. Yet I don’t believe in love at first sight.

Anyway, too cheesy...Where’s the  size thread gone?





Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Diana7

Andy1001 said:


> Happy Anniversary Diana.


Thank you Andy. :smile2:


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## Diana7

inmyprime said:


> ‘Even’? Don’t be too discriminative
> 
> Happy anniversary. It’s a nice success story that I don’t imagine happens very often with online dating.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 I had been on Christian sites for 2 years so it took patience. He on the other hand had just come on. There are far more available women than men in Christian circles so I snapped him up quick.:smile2: 
Must say though I know about 10 or so Christian married couples who met on line, so maybe not so rare.


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## MaiChi

sammisweetheart said:


> Hello! :smile2:
> 
> When in your relationship did you know that your husband/wife was "the one"?
> 
> Am I crazy for thinking I know at 2 months in?
> 
> Sam


I knew when I was 13 years old. We went to the same Primary school different years, Different High schools, same university different years. Our mothers were best friends. Same church when kids. Married When I was 25 him 27.


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## 269370

Diana7 said:


> I had been on Christian sites for 2 years so it took patience. He on the other hand had just come on. There are far more available women than men in Christian circles so I snapped him up quick.:smile2:
> 
> Must say though I know about 10 or so Christian married couples who met on line, so maybe not so rare.




Maybe because God controls the interwebs 
I wonder why there are more Christian women available than men in those circles? Don’t the men know that Christian women are the kinkiest of the lot? 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ConanHub

BioFury said:


> Lol, at what point did you tell her that you use to spy on her? What was her reaction?
> 
> Great story, thanks for sharing :grin2: I'm happy things worked out for you guys, and hope things only continue to get better.


I told her during our first week and she jumped up and down saying "I knew someone was watching me but I could never catch them!" Then she took me to bed.


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## Andy1001

On his first day in school aged five my brother was sat next to a little girl.On her eighteenth birthday they got married with the blessing of both families and are still married thirty two years later.


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## 269370

Andy1001 said:


> On his first day in school aged five my brother was sat next to a little girl.On her eighteenth birthday they got married with the blessing of both families and are still married thirty two years later.




It seems there is a lot more to school seating arrangements than one would naturally assume...Imagine they sat him next to a dude? (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Some kids sit on big tables with many other kids...as my Mormon friends report...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## sammisweetheart

Andy1001 said:


> On his first day in school aged five my brother was sat next to a little girl.On her eighteenth birthday they got married with the blessing of both families and are still married thirty two years later.


I teach kinder! I never thought I could be a matchmaker to my students! ❤


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## sammisweetheart

Thank you everyone for your replies. It’s good to see that I’m not alone in these crazy feelings I’m having. 
My mom and sisters have made me feel like I was nuts by already having such intense feelings for J.


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## MJJEAN

inmyprime said:


> Happy anniversary. It’s a nice success story that I don’t imagine happens very often with online dating.


Not that rare in my age group of late 30's-mid 40's folks. 



Diana7 said:


> Must say though I know about 10 or so Christian married couples who met on line, so maybe not so rare.


Online dating can be quite successful. I know a few people who met playing online Yahoo/Facebook games together only to find out they lived not too far apart. I know a couple who met in a chat room, another few who met on Plenty of Fish (AKA: Plenty of Freaks) and a couple that met on Adult Friend Finder. I also "know" a few couples from my WoW gaming days that met playing WoW and moved to be together. One couple were from different countries and still made the leap. All are now married, except the couple who met on AFF. They're in a long term committed relationship, but will never marry because they both had past failed marriages.



sammisweetheart said:


> Thank you everyone for your replies. It’s good to see that I’m not alone in these crazy feelings I’m having.
> My mom and sisters have made me feel like I was nuts by already having such intense feelings for J.


I am a great believe in instinct. I would never have blown up my life for a guy I'd just met if I wasn't. I trusted my gut. My friends and family, however, thought I had lost my damn mind.


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## ConanHub

Andy1001 said:


> On his first day in school aged five my brother was sat next to a little girl.On her eighteenth birthday they got married with the blessing of both families and are still married thirty two years later.


I am envious. What a great story!


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## BioFury

Diana7 said:


> There are far more available women than men in Christian circles so I snapped him up quick.:smile2:


What circles do you speak of? Exclusively online, or in church as well?


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## sunsetmist

Hey, I'm jealous of all y'all--no fair....


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## Andy1001

ConanHub said:


> I am envious. What a great story!


My sister in law is one of the kindest,sweetest people you could ever meet.She has given me such good advice throughout my life that I could never thank her enough.I really should have took more of her advice lol.
Just for putting up with my brother she deserves sainthood!


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## bencoll

LOL. My ex also said that about me. Two years later, he broke up.


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