# Division of work



## mtnbiker2082 (Mar 13, 2011)

Trying to figure out if I really am in the wrong or not on this. My wife has some major anxiety and depression issues (which she admits to) when we first met they were not bad, actually they were not bad at all we got married and had a baby (7 months now).

She almost seems a bit bipolar as well like a week ago she threatened to go stay with a friend for a couple weeks and the next day acted like nothing happened at all and stuff like that is becoming more and more commonplace and I doubt I can handle this long term, she is already getting me to question things but I have yet to bring that up.

Basically how we divide our responsibilities is I work a very physically demanding job (I install and repair elevators, so lots of carrying heavy weights up long flights of stairs) and she does the majority of taking care of the baby during the week but naturally I will take over for a couple hours a night during the week before going to sleep. The weekends I will take him at nights and most weekend days and let her sleep as long as she wants (today she woke up at 3pm) She does the majority of dishes but I handle trash and we each do our own laundry so chores are pretty even I think. Every time I want to do something for myself she completely flips out saying I never help with anything etc like tomorrow me and some friends want to go mountain biking and will be gone about half the day (I may ride once a month anymore if I am lucky)

What really gets me is she acts like she never gets time to herself and she never gets to do what she wants, but weekly I drive her (she wont drive due to anxiety issues) an hour away so she can work on their belly dance routine with a friend along with random events she gets to dance at etc. I also always try to get her to hang out with her friends whenever she can but it seems nothing is enough.

I am running out of ideas, we have tried anti-depression medication and she is seeing a therapist but things have not changed at all. I am very laid back and easy going but I know if this is just how things will be from now on I wont be able to tolerate it more than a couple years and I hate that because I really do love her but she is very very different than she was a year ago.

Any advise is very much so appreciated so thanks in advance.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Have you ever broken her trust? What are her reasons for wanting to leave?


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## RPosie (Aug 2, 2008)

mtnbiker2082 said:


> The weekends I will take him at nights and most weekend days and let her sleep as long as she wants (today she woke up at 3pm) She does the majority of dishes but I handle trash and we each do our own laundry so chores are pretty even I think. Every time I want to do something for myself she completely flips out saying I never help with anything etc like tomorrow me and some friends want to go mountain biking and will be gone about half the day (I may ride once a month anymore if I am lucky)
> 
> What really gets me is she acts like she never gets time to herself and she never gets to do what she wants, but weekly I drive her (she wont drive due to anxiety issues) an hour away so she can work on their belly dance routine with a friend along with random events she gets to dance at etc. I also always try to get her to hang out with her friends whenever she can but it seems nothing is enough.
> 
> ...


Perhaps it's that she wants you around the house more. Do you have projects around the house that need fixing? 

Are things getting on her nerves hence increasing her anxiety that she isn't communicating to you?

What about time out with you - time specifically devoted to making her feel special and desired after the baby...just the two of you.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

This is a constant war at Casa Dog. My blushing bride is a control freak who absolutely will not ask me to do anything for the shear joy of being able to either complain that I didn't do it or complain that I forced her to 're do' it, after the fact. And what I do, it's seemingly the wrong thing the wrong way at the wrong time. Yesterday she grumbled for several hours that I didn't rake or seed weed feed the lawn. It rained all day by the way. 

And for a household that only has 3 people living in it full time, there is some god awful mountain of laundry she feels she must do. 4-5 loads A DAY, every DAY. I do not know where all this comes from or why it needs to occupy several hours of every day.


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