# Can you be happy with a lot but not very exciting sex life?



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I am asking this because I really don't know what to do...on one side, my wife can have sex with me 5 times a week and for a lot of men here that would be increadible right?, to me it is not since I am doing most of the work, I am iniciating sex, I am asking for bj foreplay, or going down on her, and all this, does not happen in a way that is too exciting for me since my wife just does not seem to show much excitment for them...she says they are okay, but I am not a fool and realize that she does them for me...so how long can i go feeling like I am the only one wanting to experience sexy, hot things in bed...you have no idea what you do for a man if you initiate sex and go down on him and put your botton in our faces....it is so mind blowing for a high sex drive men to be made love like that...it is so powerful in the way a woman can make feel a man..when he gets what he has always dream....you don't get it...why so many divorces, why prostitution is the oldest job?...because woman don't get it that it is not our fault to want to feel loved like this, it has been for ever....anyhow, any advise....besides don't ask your wife this or that?....she knows how i feel, but it doesn't matter she is always forgetting to invest in our relatioship, she could try to do things for me, and show me some excitment or something, otherwise, what's the point!!....


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

People can find contentment in virtually any situation and they can also find reasons to be dissatisfied in any situation. Prostitution is the oldest job because there has never been a shortage of men more willing to invest money for sex than willing to invest themselves in a relationship.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> People can find contentment in virtually any situation and they can also find reasons to be dissatisfied in any situation. Prostitution is the oldest job because there has never been a shortage of men more willing to invest money for sex than willing to invest themselves in a relationship.


But your point is valid the otherway around too?...why women are not willing to invest in their relationship too?...if men feel so attracted to pay for sex is because they can expect to recieve back the desire y exciment that comes with feeling sexy and desired...anyway, sometimes is difficult to try to forget about this and be happy with what I have since I just don't feel happy or satisfied...it has to do a lot with the way i am ...very passionate, talkative, expressive, etc...and my wife is the opposite...and that's work for us in many aspect of our lives...but if I wouldn't be this way, our relationship would be very lame....not only the sex part, but also our relationship, a year or so ago, we almos didn't kiss anymore...we didn't talk about us it was like everything was more important that our relationship - back then was when i decided to fight for my marriage, i wanted to share my feelings and emotions with her, after so many fights and crying, etc....we reach a better place, but still i am not fully satisfied with what my wife brings to our relationship, i have to remind her always about the need for her to think about us...I give her gifts, never forget an importan date, anyway, i think i am good father, provider, lover, friend...we've been throght so much, and now it is our time to be close...to feel close....and the fact that she is not very sexual kills me.....:scratchhead:


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's having sex with you 5 nights a week. She's not exactly a nun.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

Marc, the more I read your threads the more I am convinced there is no satisfying you. You aren't loving your wife for what she gives you, you resent her for what ever it is she doesn't. She's different then you and yet she still is willing to do what may not come naturally to her...divorce her and marry a porn star or stop whining.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

So, what you are saying is that for a man is a must to change his ways if the wife is unhappy with their relationship, if he is not emotianally available, or whatever else, but for a woman is okay to just stays the same in an area that clearly has to do with you mind as well, to me, it sounds like double standards woman here defend woman and don't admit that there is a lot that could be gain in a relationship if women were to be more sexy and given in the sex departament...what you suggest is that I have to stop persuing my own happiness and just settle for okay....how long before I stop having sex with my wife? -what you don't get is that in a marriage takes two to tango, and nor the husband of wife, should settle for an okay relationshp were important feelings are represed...how long before you loose interest in you spouce....it is not about divorcing your wife, is about finding a compromise.....if you are not willing to work in your marriage, just stay single.....


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Idontknownow - I completely agree. I don't know why I bother reading Marco's posts anymore, I'm pretty sick to death of his whining. Most other people come here because one or the other partners has been completely sex-starved, hasn't had sex in months, etc. He's _complaining_ that even though his wife gives him sex 5 days a week (including weekly bjs, anal, other stuff most guys would kill for even once in a while), she just isn't into it enough. 

Marco - You talk about guys paying for sex. If that's what you want, go for it but I bet a prostitute isn't going to make you feel loved or desired either. In that scenario, it's completely just about sex. It's a job. At least your wife loves you enough to put forth A LOT of effort to please you. THAT should make you feel loved and wanted and desired. You say she isn't as talkative or emotional or passionate in her day to day life, that's just who she is and that isn't going to change about her in the bedroom. She can put forth some effort to please you and dear god, it sounds like she is. Quit complaining or freaking leave her so she can find someone who appreciates her.

You make it sound like she isn't doing anything to work on your relationship. I dare you to find anyone else who would work harder. 

Sorry, I'm not trying to be a b*tch but I can't take this anymore.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

YES you can!!

Who do you think initiated toys in our relationship Marc? Who bought the toys? Who said lets look at toys? Who always joked about toys? Who pushed for more freakier sex? Who inititated sex in 95% of the time and still does? 

Who doesn't want a wife that is a freak in the sack? I can't think of a guy that doesn't! Be grateful for what you have a wife that loves you and tries to please you. She will never be a "freak" like you want my wife isn't a "freak" either.

I say be grateful and move on.......you sound a little fanatical.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

Marc, your not working on anything. Your bullying her into compliance.

You are making your wife change HER ways....how does that not fit a double standard? Don't ever say what I am saying if I have not actually said it. I am saying you are unfair and oppressive. You see it as love....I see it as smothering intolerance. I don't even think you know who your wife.

Your always talking about how you have soooooo much but it's never enough. Thats a deficit within yourself. If your not happy, no one can make you be happy no matter how hard they try. Love is a balance and the scale is tipping to heavily in your favor. Your wife will live in unhappiness and self loathing because she can never please her man no matter how hard she tries or how much she gives him or she will leave. 

There is a saying that goes something like.."We are happiest when we are in service to our fellow man". Well, I take that literally into every relationship. If I am working to make my husband happy and he is working to make me happy then we both seem to meet each others needs. If I sat and thought about ALL the things he didn't do I could come up with a list a mile long but it would be an insult to the efforts he makes and ALL the things he DOES do.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

justonelife said:


> You make it sound like she isn't doing anything to work on your relationship. I dare you to find anyone else who would work harder.
> 
> Sorry, I'm not trying to be a b*tch but I can't take this anymore.


Word :iagree:


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Neither you or your wife are ever going to have 100% of your expectations met exactly as you would like them, no matter who you hook up with. The best outcome is for two people to find a relationship they can learn to be content with. You don't have a right to have all your expectations met and neither does anyone else. There are billions of people on this planet and you aren't 100% an answer to the prayers of any one of them and none of them are 100% the answer to yours. We try to meet as many of our spouse's reasonable expectations as possible, but nobody is perfect.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

He's not whinning, he is just trying to vent, get his feelings out and hope someone will respond (whether they agree or not).

His level of happiness and fulfillment is different. If he feels his life is lacking because his wife is not a hot thing in the bedroom, who are we to tell him he's wrong and should count his blessings?

My problems, your problems, his problems - they are all relative to the individual involved. While his issues may seem trivial to you - they are important to him and that's all the matters - they are HIS problems.

There are people on TAM that probably think my issues are crap and there are issues on TAM that I personnally think are crap - but that's okay. I don't need to trivialize someone else's issues just because I don't think they are important to me.

That being said - sex 5 times a week when the other person just lays there and you have to be the director and producer all in one - that's not really sex at all between a married and loving couple. That's a wife doing it because "its her duty." That's sort of like making love to a blow-up doll. Sure, you'll get your rocks off, but you'll feel unsatisfied, dirty and used when its over.

And whose asking her to change? Does her husband really need to ask her to be warm, loving and affectionate in bed? 

What I'm really sick of is people who get married thinking that sex is not an important part of the deal. Its extremely important and if you can't go into marriage with it at the top of your list, then stay single.

If you want to marry someone strictly for financial or companionship reasons, fine, state that up front so there are no expectations that won't be fufilled after the ring is on the finger.

That is what I'm sick of!


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

MarriedWife - I think you make some valid points. You're right, if he has something that he feels is a problem, we shouldn't necessarily judge whether we think it's a stupid problem or not. I guess most of us just can't really even grasp what the problem is. Maybe he's just not explaining it well, I don't know.

The part that frustrates me and I think what I'm hearing from other posters is that I've read some of Marco's other posts and I don't get the impression that his wife just lays there like a blow up doll. She's not acting totally uninterested in bed. I get the impression that they had a problem and she is sincerely trying to make an effort to do better and to please him. But if she is not panting and screaming and acting wild every single night, he's not happy. He's focusing too much on the bad and not enjoying the good part.

Yes, sex is important in a marriage. Yes, it's not fair to be the only one ever initiating or feeling enthusiastic in the bedroom. But you also have to accept your partner for who they are and his wife may never be AS into sex as he is. That doesn't mean she isn't trying or doesn't love him or doesn't enjoy sex. One partner is always going to have a slightly different drive and "freak" level than the other and you BOTH have to work on it and accept it. 

All Marco seems to do is say "yeah, I know I should be happy, I'm getting sex every night, I get anal every weekend, I get frequent bjs but she's just not passionate about it". Who really has wild, passionate sex every single night? Some nights are wild, some nights are just about connection and let's face it, some nights are just for your partner. That in itself is a loving act. That doesn't mean you lay there and don't participate but it also means you may not be swinging from the chandelier either.

Would he rather she fake it? To me, it seems like he's talking in circles a bit. She's trying to be passionate but he knows she's just "doing it for me" and can't accept that. He's asking her to have actual passion but that's not something she can just create out of thin air. Some nights, it just isn't there and she can't force it to be there. If she's not passionate, he's not happy. If she tries to be passionate, but he feels it's not genuine, he's not happy. Expecting her to have true, wild, uninhibited crazy passion for him 5 or more nights a week just seems unrealistic. IMO.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

This is a quote from one of his other posts:

"I mean when we make love is mind blowing for both of us...she really gets into it...but when we do other stuff, she does not, it seems to me, get aroused at least the same as the vaginal penetration...."

This to me doesn't say that she's just laying there like a wet noodle. But he wants to her enjoy anal and giving bjs as much as he does or as much as she likes vaginal intercourse. Maybe that's just not in the cards. Some people like certain things more than others. She really likes making love to him and really gets into it, maybe she just doesn't enjoy anal and never will. She's trying FOR HIM and he just can't accept that.

That's like saying that one partner really likes eating salmon and the other person doesn't really care for it. But they eat it anyway, frequently, because they know their partner really loves it. He's asking her to somehow really enjoy the salmon. Maybe she just doesn't and never will. The fact that she eats salmon and even pretends to enjoy it at least weekly, in my opinion, is already more than he can ask for.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Okay...I see all your points and I appreciate those who understand a bit that my marriage is at the end of a long issue around sex for the pass 22 years....my wife was very, very conservative in bed, lights out, bjs very rare, anal (never), etc....no access to her breasts, or to touch her vagina (she would move my hands away), so I've been repressed for a long time, masturbating in secret every time I could....anyhow, today, we've come along way, but, it hurts so much thinking that most of the things we do have today is because I wish them and not because she also wants them, so I am working in accepting that and be happy with what she can give althought she may not really enjoy them very much, my complain here was because the pass 3 nights, for whatever reason, she just stood there and I did most of the work, I just want my wife at least showing me some love and desire to be with me....when I feel the same way I felt a few years ago (like I said above) , the feelings of anger return and I come here to vent, so I can deal with these feelings without tormenting my wife....I see the big picture, but tell it to the feelings of sadness and hopelessness that I never really am going to have someone that actually think about having sex with me....that ask for something besides regular sex, it is a big deal for me, since I really makes me happy when my wife makes me feel sexy and wanted...(not very often)_...so what the hell i do?...vent, try not to expect much, and hope that she'll find in her to be more sex incline with time....I don't know how else explain my feelings here, but it is very frustrating give myself to my wife the way i do, and not having the same in return....like i said, i am a good man, my son has 81% avarage, 92% in math, has a girlfriend, plays basketball, my daughters are wonderful and loving kids...like i said, i just want to feel loved....:scratchhead:


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Hi marcopoly69, some women are active in bed, they love lots of hot sex as you mentioned, when some women are less active and quiet, they usually wait you to initiate sex and they're not talktive. 

It depends on their sex drive and personalities.

The woman you married could be a less active type in your opinion.

In my opinion, she's already VERY active to get naked 5 times a week. You can't say this is nothing. How do you know she's not loving you? Only because she enjoyed your doing the work without giving you blow job?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I don't remember when was the last time I gave my husband blow job in the past year. Probably once a year. 

I don't like too much fingering as well. We don't taste each other.

Last month we have zero sex. 

This month we felt guity having zero sex so we planned something fun to do.

Marco, my husband never questions my love for him even we have little sex & not very hot sex, it's like routine. Always same foreplay and same position for many years.

He didn't have much blow job from me. I was just lying there and he did all the work. 

Still, he is happy with me everyday and he loves me deeply.

I'm actually bored with the sex routine, so I told him to try something new together this month. He's willing to try out my new ideas. We plan to go to the hotel on the weekends without the kid around to enjoy peace and sex.

No pushing, no complaints, no pressure.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I see your point and thanks to put things in perspective...tonight, I'll be loving and funny - myself, no weird faces or mood....just make her feel, like she can be herself and that I love her no matter what....it is difficult, however, because she has a tendency to not be very loving towards me (her family is the same) at least physically, you know, hugs, kisses, etc....so I do miss feeling the closeness sometimes and I think this is perhaps why I feel such a big need for her to want me.....thanks....


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

Here we go again.

Be grateful you get to see your spouse every day. I have not touched mine in 7 months, I have seen him on video 3 times in those 7 months. 

Was she like this when you were dating? Has she always been like this?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> I see your point and thanks to put things in perspective...tonight, I'll be loving and funny - myself, no weird faces or mood....just make her feel, like she can be herself and that I love her no matter what....it is difficult, however, because she has a tendency to not be very loving towards me (her family is the same) at least physically, you know, hugs, kisses, etc....so I do miss feeling the closeness sometimes and I think this is perhaps why I feel such a big need for her to want me.....thanks....


Of course she wants you and wants you only. She has no other men and you are the only man who can see her naked and make her wet.
She's just not good at expressing herself but of course you're very often wanted! 5 times a week!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Of course she wants you and wants you only. She has no other men and you are the only man who can see her naked and make her wet.
> She's just not good at expressing herself but of course you're very often wanted! 5 times a week!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks again...MsLonely...it helps...


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Idontknownow said:


> Here we go again.
> 
> Be grateful you get to see your spouse every day. I have not touched mine in 7 months, I have seen him on video 3 times in those 7 months.
> 
> Was she like this when you were dating? Has she always been like this?


It is not the same...we are humans....we are always looking to improve our lives...I am grateful for my wife and my children, but sometimes I feel that although I know she appreciates me, she doesn't show it....if you are willing to work in your relationship, you should try to improve your intimacy with your husband all the time...isn't it all about intimacy? without it we better be roommate.... but I understand where you come from


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> It is not the same..


Whats not the same?


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

And you didn't answer my question. Has she always been like this? Dating, was she like this? 

I like what Pandakiss said.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

It is not the same. Yours is away, mine is here...so it is not the same...when you have him back, you experience feelings different from mine as I have her with me everyday...so our situations are different and cannot be compared.

My wife was always very conservative about sex, we did, however, did things the first year we started to have sex that were kind of what I want toda...you know...69, bjs...but beside that was regular sex........and me touching her whatever I wanted was always an issue - no so much at the begining - but after she had our first child was a bit worse....anyway, years ago, I was 45 pounds heavier y she was also not feeling great, today we both go the gym at least 3 to 4 times a week, we eat really healthy, we both have the same concerns in life, we are meant for each other, the problem was that we both needed to grow in our marriage we were at the same place for many years, and when our situation changed for the better, we also needed to change...and now things are almost where we may finally feel really good about being able to understand each other needs....thanks


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

What? I said be GRATEFUL you have her there. You don't sound very grateful for anything she does and the person she is. You have no appreciation for the simple pleasure of seeing some one you care about or being able to call them and just say hi. 

I didn't say our situations were the same, I was pointing out how much you take for granted.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

And since you knew from the get go she was on the conservative side you picked her, you made that decision so stop trying to change the person she has always been.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Enough with the "women do this, men do that" stuff pls. Just because your wife won't do this or that, does not mean that every woman on the face of the planet is exactly the same. You need to stop the broad, sweeping generalisations because they are pretty offensive to a lot of people.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Prejudices are offensive. Generalizations are not. In fact, generalizations are useful.

I am wondering. . .is she affectionate outside of the sex? (or during)

If the gripe is you aren't getting affection (and are trying to say that in a roundabout way), I can see that.

I have thought about this a bit. . .there are probably statistically (generally) more women who just don't want sex as much as men. . .and what if I marry another woman like that? Who's not as into it as much as me?

I think there comes a certain time where a man should just enjoy the body of his wife and not put so much pressure on her, not be full of expectation.

I think our generation of men was raised on the idea that ALL women want to be pleased sexually. Remember. . .the female orgasm was only discovered oh, about 1960. (lol - it's the biggest discovery of the 21rst century). It's relatively a new development.

(and one I am actively researching; it's the scientist in me  )

Do you think our grandfather's cared that our grandmother's were "Into it" or not? They didn't. Not because all of our grandfathers were dotes. . .it's just that they were conditioned to think only the man got something out of sex, that a woman found it pleasurable, but not necessarily "satisfying" from a Big O standpoint and a release. The give and take of sex and marriage was different for grandma and grandpa.

Now. . .our generation of men has been conditioned the other way. . .that we are supposed to perform like a porn star or Casanova in order to be good lovers, that there are legions of horny women just dying for sex from their spouses.

Just enjoy your wife's body and presence and be thankful she offers it up to you 5x/week. She sounds like she's over 40 and at this point in her life, she should be telling you if she wants something more. 

I do get it that you want to feel desired but I think a lot of women don't "tick" that way and it's not their fault. They just don't make the amount of testosterone we make. You are expecting a "testosterone" behavior from your wife. . .a "horniness" that she should be saying, "I want you now! I need it now golddarnit! I'm going crazy here without you." and without that hormone, she just can't muster it.

To the women who are the opposite, your husbands are lucky in that regard in your relationship.


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## DCMarriageCounselor (Aug 30, 2007)

Marco, I think you'd like the writing of David Schnartch. If you haven't heard of him, he's one of the most influential sex therapists in the field. I'm just reading his latest called Intimacy and Desire Intimacy & Desire | DesireBook. His approach isn't for everyone but you might find it very helpful. Specifically, he is known for addressing the power dynamic in a high/low desire system. It is not without some controversy in the field that he says "the person with lower desire ALWAYS controls sex." People in the low desire role in their relationship have a hard time acknowledging this because they think they are always being controlled by the high-D person. So he rather elegantly shatters that myth.

I put a twist on his theory of control that seems to go down a lot easier for many: When you think you're being controlled/stifled/not loved etc, etc, assume the other person feels it too. It's a safe assumption for a lot of reasons neurologically since we are amazingly wired to attune to each others emotional states (and mostly not know we're doing it...like the way my smartphone constantly knows where I am on earth when I forget to turn the gps off). Anyway, if you can make this assumption that the other might also feel the same way, unconsciously at least, then you now have an ally where your old reactionary brain thinks you have an enemy. You can stop wasting your time trying to pin blame on the other person for starting it. It doesn't matter who started it or who is keeping it going. 

I tell people to assume it's you also and focus on what you'd be feeling if you didn't have to complain about the other person...interestingly, what emerges is often parts of ourselves/feelings we have rejected like compassion, comittement, discipline...things that might not give us the "pop" that we remember in other phases of our relationship or, even more common, these are things that got us hurt sometime and it feels too risky to trust them here. 

Let me know if this makes any sense.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Generalisations are actually offensive if they are negative and obviously untrue. Predjudices are also offensive, I agree. Just thought I'd correct you on that one.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I'm very new to this forum, so I'm not going to comment on the OP's past posts.
My first impression is that Marco comes across as a spoiled child. Nothing is ever enough for a child that is always needy.
It's as if his wife has to jump through hoops to make him happy. She is not a prostitute who is paid to be Marco's perfect sexual fantasy all the time. She is obviously running herself ragged trying to please Marco.
Marco, do your wife a favor. Please seek counseling for that inner void you feel. Ask yourself where the sense of entitlement comes from. You think that men are permitted to sleep with escorts, if their wives don't cater to every sexual whim.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DCMarriageCounselor (Aug 30, 2007)

76Trombones said:


> Generalisations are actually offensive if they are negative and obviously untrue. Predjudices are also offensive, I agree. Just thought I'd correct you on that one.


Right...the negative assumptions can be dangerous. I'm talking about assuming that you are the one that has to take more responsibility...positive (not as in good...but like taking on more). Like the positive assumption we make (hopefully) at a four way stop intersection: "I assume that no one else will stop so I have to be the one to do it."


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

*Generally *speaking, pit bulls are a more agressive breed than Collies. Therefore, I will exercise extreme caution to my little children to stay away from pit bulls and to only approach a pit bull dog if the owner has it on a leash and preferrably, to just stay away from the breed.

My *prejudice *against pit bull owners is these owners have some sort of dysfunction to even have them in a neighborhood with kids around. Some sort of ******* fear of being robbed or something. Who knows why you would even have one as a pet and ask any small claims court judge - dog bite cases are common. Yeah, yeah, they have to be trained and it's all on the owner.

Whatever.

Now, want to know something?

I don't really care if my generalizations or prejudices offend any pit bull owners. I think there's an old saying that's been lost among academics:

Common sense.

I have no problem imparting prejudices and teaching generalizations to my kids to help them navigate through a dangerous world. Let the ivory tower academics pontificate on the differences and the biases, prejudices and generalizations.

The world is not ponies, princesses, and sparkles and we are all sitting around singing koom-bi-ya, everyone equal and the same and no differences.

You can say nature vs. nuture but a Pit Bull will never be the same as a Collie, no matter how much you spin it.

Now, what's the point of this?

I see nothign wrong with saying, "Generally speaking, men's libido's are higher than women." If you buck the trend, great. I don't even see that as a negative or a prejudice.

You see my point why biases and generalizations are part of learning and navigating (thru a marriage)? Yeah, I get it - you can make a misjudgment on someone but this OP's marriage sounds like a typical male/female libido mismatch, with the man wanting more sex than the woman. OR wanting more out of it.

How about this? Maybe if you backed off to 1x/2-3 weeks, maybe the quality would raise? She's having no time to build up tension because she's getting it 5x/week.

Quality vs. quanity is always a tradeoff. I mean most of us would like to be swinging from the rafters every night but that is hardly going to happen.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I have sex every day, most of the times I just take advantage of my husband's morning big rock hard toy, and achieve my strong orgasms. As long as I have my strong orgasms, as long as my husband is willing to serve me, why do I need to feel bad that he doesn't get up and get wild?

He doesn't need as much as I do. When he needs it, he can have a quickie, he can do me hard, he can get wild, he can do whatever he wants. 

We are husband and wife, we are fulfilling each other's needs. We are both happy!!!


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I have sex every day, most of the times I just take advantage of my husband's morning big rock hard toy, and achieve my strong orgasms. As long as I have my strong orgasms, as long as my husband is willing to serve me, why do I need to feel bad that he doesn't get up and get wild?
> 
> He doesn't need as much as I do. When he needs it, he can have a quickie, he can do me hard, he can get wild, he can do whatever he wants.
> 
> We are husband and wife, we are fulfilling each other's needs. We are both happy!!!


That is a good way to see things...with my wife our verbal communication goes from me to her very good, but from her to me not so much. However, we'v talked and agree that when I propose things and if she doesn't say anything, I can assume that she is okay to give it a try...and if we do something special and she doesn't say much to me afterwards, is because it was fine...that she would tell me with there are things we do, that she is not confortable doing...I think my wife is much much confortable with the idea of enjoying herlself and the love and passion we have for each other. I learned here, however, that to achieve this is important not pushing your wife, but encouraging all good things and try to make peace with those things you just can have from her....in my case verbal communication about what she thinks, what she wants, etc....to me is difficult, because I want to feel like we both want to be in sync in our relationship, that we both want the same from our lives right now, and when you are the one wanting things and the other goes along with love and given themself completly (later my wife has relax and let me enjoy her body like never before, which I tell her how happy I am all the time) but she doesn't say much afterwords, so I told her that she could tell me anything and that I did have no problem in havin a break here and there; anyway, thanks for the comments


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I know what you mean. It's like if you always need to tell your wife what to do, it turns you off. You love surprise but your wife isn't that active in expressing herself, so you have to ask her directly, for example, Do you love giving me head? Do you like if I do ... to you? Do you mind we try anal sex? I will take it slowly, don't worry, just relax, I won't let you feel hurt.
So you don't have to guess because she will reply you Yes or No and you know what you can get.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Scannerguard said:


> Do you think our grandfather's cared that our grandmother's were "Into it" or not? They didn't. Not because all of our grandfathers were dotes. . .it's just that they were conditioned to think only the man got something out of sex, that a woman found it pleasurable, but not necessarily "satisfying" from a Big O standpoint and a release. The give and take of sex and marriage was different for grandma and grandpa.


Hey, speak for your own grandparents. Mine were not that way. You should've heard the way grandma spoke of grandpa after he passed away.


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