# I was **** tested, by a psychologist!



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So I’ve been seeing a lady for a few months. Nice lady. Seemed like a good person. I still think she is, but....
From my recent years, my experiences have led me to take my time getting to know the person before emotionally investing in someone. 

So I wasn’t seeing her enough or communicating enough to suit her, so I she said she was moving on to which I was fine with. But messaged me again and we started seeing one another again. I worked in the communication and was spending more time with her— she was always pleasant and fun to be around. Good things in the physical dept. So after getting back with her for a month or so.....

Out of the blue, after seeing her the night before, I get this: 

Her: “I have to tell you that someone is asking me for a date. I’m not going to lie to you. Ever. But I feel pretty lonely throughout the days. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. It’s a pretty hard situation for me. “

Me: 
“The way I see it, if you’re wanting to go on a date with someone else, then you should because I’m not right for you.
Good luck. You’re a wonderful woman and deserve to be happy.”

blah blah, then this:

her: “I was not considering to go to any date. I just wanted to know if you care at all.”

I can’t imagine a woman pulling this who has a PhD in psychology.
It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Needless to say I’m done with her, but it’s the stupidest thing I can imagine a woman doing. She thinks telling me she’s considering going out with another dude is going to cause me to want to be closer to her?????

I didn’t realize people actually try this nonsense. Luckily, I wasn’t all that emotionally invested and I don’t know if I ever will be able to fall in love again. 

I think this woman has a legitimate complaint which she had made about me not talking about future plans with her, but I have zero desire to make future plans until I know someone more than 3 or 4 months.
I screwed up and jumped too fast once before.

But the **** test.... wow, I was surprised at that. It just seems so stupid to me.
I have read about these on TAM before. I was 99% sure that’s what it was when she first texted about the guy asking for a date. 

I don’t really have any questions. Just venting. Women are strange birds.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> So I’ve been seeing a lady for a few months. Nice lady. Seemed like a good person. I still think she is, but....
> From my recent years, my experiences have led me to take my time getting to know the person before emotionally investing in someone.
> 
> So I wasn’t seeing her enough or communicating enough to suit her, so I she said she was moving on to which I was fine with. But messaged me again and we started seeing one another again. I worked in the communication and was spending more time with her— she was always pleasant and fun to be around. Good things in the physical dept. So after getting back with her for a month or so.....
> ...


Reverse psychology. Backfired big eh? 😂


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Her "I’m not sure what I’m going to do. It’s a pretty hard situation for me", followed by “I was not considering to go to any date"... 

Good lord. 

And, just because someone is a psychologist doesn't mean they aren't nutcases. Now imagine how many people she has counseled to do dumb **** like this...


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

you passed


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Once they know you are prepared to walk, you pass any **** test they can throw at you.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

bobert said:


> And, just because someone is a psychologist doesn't mean they aren't nutcases.


My daughter is a first year (criminal) psych major so I asked her if the stereotype was in any way true (most psych majors are there to learn what the hell is wrong with themselves) and she said “definitely a bit of truth in that from what I’ve see” lol


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I will never ever understand why someone would rather play games like that instead of just being direct and honest about their needs and expectations, and if they still want to continue the relationship, ideas for solutions.

What silliness!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> you passed


It just hurts a little to be tested and for what I feel is no reason. I was actually starting to like the old girl...


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> It just hurts a little to be tested and for what I feel is no reason. I was actually starting to like the old girl...


You probably dodged a bullet. Maybe think about it that way... the issue is with _her_, not you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I have to admit that I just wasnt feeling it that st for her, and I think she felt it.
But I was leaning in a good direction when I got that text. The stupidity of it is what really got me. I thought she was an intelligent woman. That’s like a 16 yr old kid move.

I don’t meet any decent people that often, and I did feel she was a good person. But damn. Who does this????


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

gr8ful1 said:


> My daughter is a first year (criminal) psych major so I asked her if the stereotype was in any way true (most psych majors are there to learn what the hell is wrong with themselves) and she said “definitely a bit of truth in that from what I’ve see” lol


I’m sure there’s a lot of truth in that stereotype. Look at @VintageRetro WW. She’s a school counselor, yet has shown a very unhinged side in both her affair and in navigating possible R or D.

@Evinrude58 now that you know she plays head games you can downgrade her from possible keeper down to booty call / FWB status.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Nah, she’s goofy but a nice person. I suspect if I had stringer feelings for her, she wouldn’t have done it. But part of her background leads me to believe she may be difficult to keep happy. She said she was lonely but I’d seen her the night before! She said it was only for about 3 hrs..... well, I stay busy, which may surprise you guys since I post here too much.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I have to admit that I just wasnt feeling it that st for her, and I think she felt it.
> But I was leaning in a good direction when I got that text. The stupidity of it is what really got me. I thought she was an intelligent woman.  That’s like a 16 yr old kid move.
> 
> I don’t meet any decent people that often, and I did feel she was a good person. But damn. Who does this????


Well, it's possible that she was intimidated by what she perceived as your lack of strong feelings, and reverted to a more fearful, immature way of dealing with it...instead of directly saying, "I might need more time with you to feel like we are connected, what do you think about that?"

Also, some people play games like that because they've been misunderstood or rejected by people when they were more direct and honest, so she might not only trying to be manipulative...maybe she didn't know how else to talk to you.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

gr8ful1 said:


> My daughter is a first year (criminal) psych major so I asked her if the stereotype was in any way true (most psych majors are there to learn what the hell is wrong with themselves) and she said “definitely a bit of truth in that from what I’ve see” lol


I have two bachelor's and one is in psychology. I mostly did business psychology courses but there was a lot of looneys in some of the other classes.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She had communicates that I didn’t spend enough time with her. It wasn’t going to last, and I should have broken things off already. 
It’s not all her fault at all. I just thought this was pretty crazy what she did.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> She had communicates that I didn’t spend enough time with her. It wasn’t going to last, and I should have broken things off already.
> It’s not all her fault at all. I just thought this was pretty crazy what she did.


Don't take all the blame for this. You two just are not compatible.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

So, she's a psychologist who went from "hey, I was asked out, not sure what I'm gonna do, it's a hard situation to be in" to "I wasn't considering going out with him, I just wanted to know if you care about me". That's a switch, and a rather messed up one coming from someone who really should know better. Someone else mentioned though that just because a person is a psychologist, doesn't mean that they aren't a little messed up. I met a psychologist dude like that when I was OLD, and boy was he a nutjob.

Sounds like you're better off being free from someone like this; no one needs those kinds of mind games or drama.

Get out there and meet someone else, give it another go. Trust me when I say that not all women are like what you describe. We're not all out to get what we can then hurt the other person. Some are definitely, yes, just like some men are out to do that too. You'll find someone who meshes with you, and when you do meet her, you'll feel a little more inclined to let your guard down a little bit, and will be more inclined to make some forward plans with her. It'll be easy to be with her; not super easy, there will always be challenges no matter who you find, but there should be less challenges and more hope, less frustration and more happiness. You get it, I'm sure, and you'll find it, just don't lose hope.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The image that came to mind.

You're going to have to start checking their IDs for age. That was a really immature stunt. And, she must think you're really stupid to fall for that.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> She had communicates that I didn’t spend enough time with her. It wasn’t going to last, and I should have broken things off already.
> It’s not all her fault at all. I just thought this was pretty crazy what she did.


Curious, what was* not enough time* for her? How many nights a week did you see her? How long? Sleepovers? Not sure how old you guys are, but cockblocking kids involved either way? Asking for a friend


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Game playing and **** tests are a major turn off for me. Good job in not getting caught up in it.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Speaking as a son of a psychiatrist and having dated a psychologist i can most assuredly tell you that they all go into that field because they are trying to fix themselves and most never do....so much for physician heal thyself.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

She was insecure about herself, wanted to see if you would get jealous. It's a silly thing to do but not the crime of the century. You are free to dump her over this, although that seems a little harsh for someone who was just looking for validation, even if it was a childish way to do it.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> She had communicates that I didn’t spend enough time with her. It wasn’t going to last, and I should have broken things off already.
> It’s not all her fault at all. I just thought this was pretty crazy what she did.


At least one person here thinks you just might be overreacting to this situation. Only you can decide that, and it looks like you have. Next!


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> So I’ve been seeing a lady for a few months. Nice lady. Seemed like a good person. I still think she is, but....
> From my recent years, my experiences have led me to take my time getting to know the person before emotionally investing in someone.
> 
> So I wasn’t seeing her enough or communicating enough to suit her, so I she said she was moving on to which I was fine with. But messaged me again and we started seeing one another again. I worked in the communication and was spending more time with her— she was always pleasant and fun to be around. Good things in the physical dept. So after getting back with her for a month or so.....
> ...


I could have given her the benefits of the doubt if she had stopped at 'i got asked out by this guy and don't know how to feel about it', but she then went on to explain that she had no issues with it. She was not entertaining the thought. So why even mention it to you? It was manipulation plain and simple. She was trying to use jealousy to get you to spend more time with her. 

To me this is the equivalent of a guy/woman saying they need you to lose weight because they are losing attraction, then making it obvious they are checking out fit women/men. It's manipulation. 

PS I completely agree about wanting to know someone longer than 3-4 months before making future plans. You all were just dating. You owe her nothing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> So I’ve been seeing a lady for a few months. Nice lady. Seemed like a good person. I still think she is, but....
> From my recent years, my experiences have led me to take my time getting to know the person before emotionally investing in someone.
> 
> So I wasn’t seeing her enough or communicating enough to suit her, so I she said she was moving on to which I was fine with. But messaged me again and we started seeing one another again. I worked in the communication and was spending more time with her— she was always pleasant and fun to be around. Good things in the physical dept. So after getting back with her for a month or so.....
> ...


I knew immediately where she was coming from. She likes you but doesnt think things are progressing so wanted to know how you felt. 
All she wanted to know was that you were interested in her. Nothing wrong with that surely? I guess she us looking for a guy who wants something more than a couple of dates a week and some sex after a few months has passed.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Her being a psychologist should have been your first red flag


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> Curious, what was* not enough time* for her? How many nights a week did you see her? How long? Sleepovers? Not sure how old you guys are, but cockblocking kids involved either way? Asking for a friend


Twice a week or thereabouts. No kid problems.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> All she wanted to know was that you were interested in her. Nothing wrong with that surely?


Yes there is. She went about it in a completely manipulative way, and also lied. First she said she was considering it then she said she wasn't. 

We're not talking about 20 year olds, here. I'd expect more maturity, and not settle for less than that, either.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> All she wanted to know was that you were interested in her. Nothing wrong with that surely?


Nobody likes to be tested like that. She says she’d never lie. But was lying about being asked in a date. That sours me too.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> All she wanted to know was that you were interested in her. Nothing wrong with that surely?


It's the way she went about it. There are much better, more mature ways to have that conversation.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> All she wanted to know was that you were interested in her. Nothing wrong with that surely?


It was 100% passive-aggressive. That's not a healthy way to communicate.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Nobody likes to be tested like that. She says she’d never lie. But was lying about being asked in a date. That sours me too.


I don't see it as a test but as a way of seeing if you are actually interested in a deeper relationship with her. She may or may not have been asked out on a date.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

dubsey said:


> It was 100% passive-aggressive. That's not a healthy way to communicate.


Maybe not but maybe for her it was hard to ask him directly.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> Twice a week or thereabouts. No kid problems.


Had you two had the exclusivity talk? Was there a mutually understood committed relationship,?


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Maybe not but maybe for her it was hard to ask him directly.


or maybe it literally is exactly what it looked like, a silly childish game, and he decided he didn't want to participate. Surely there's no harm in that?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I really don’t think I’m overreacting for the following reason:
I knew she was wanting more than I could give at the time and I don’t like hurting people, so I think it’s best we broke things off anyway.
She broke things off once because she wasn’t getting enough attention, now this.
I Was hoping my feelings might grow more, given some time....
Im just not into tests and this much neediness.
I’d just assume let this go rather than risk more hurt feelings later.

And really, it was a crappy thing to do to tell me she was considering going out with another guy. That is non-doable for me, as is the lying.

But I’m sure if my feelings were stronger, I might excuse it. They aren’t. I’m not.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I don't see it as a test but as a way of seeing if you are actually interested in a deeper relationship with her. She may or may not have been asked out on a date.


I guess you are comfortable with lying and manipulation. OP is not, because he's smart.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Twice a week or thereabouts. No kid problems.


Twice a week is perfect. You both have your own lives and jobs and personal issues. Anything more and you'd be getting another test with her saying she knows a guy she can move in with, but she's not really considering it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

dubsey said:


> or maybe it literally is exactly what it looked like, a silly childish game, and he decided he didn't want to participate. Surely there's no harm in that?


As I said it was pretty clear what she was hoping to find out. Whether she did it the 'right' way it not doesn't change that.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I knew she was wanting more than I could give at the time and I don’t like hurting people...


So, actually she wasn't anymore deceptive than you. She chose to speak up (albeit imperfectly), while you stayed silent about your disinterest.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> Twice a week is perfect. You both have your own lives and jobs and personal issues. Anything more and you'd be getting another test with her saying she knows a guy she can move in with, but she's not really considering it.


Twice a week is ok if you want the keep things pretty casual but maybe she wants a more committed relationship hence her putting the feelers out. Understandable.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

minimalME said:


> So, actually she wasn't anymore deceptive than you. She chose to speak up (albeit imperfectly), while you stayed silent about your disinterest.


So basically you should have told her that long before now so she could have found a man who wanted a committed relationship.
It's pretty clear that you are wanting different things.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

minimalME said:


> So, actually she wasn't anymore deceptive than you. She chose to speak up (albeit imperfectly), while you stayed silent about your disinterest.


That’s true, but I liked her as a person and wanted a little more time to see if my feelings grew further. I think that’s reasonable. But you’re not wrong. I didn’t want to say that my feelings weren’t where I felt they should be. I’m guilty too, no doubt.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Twice a week is ok if you want the keep things pretty casual but maybe she wants a more committed relationship hence her putting the feelers out. Understandable.


The proper way to put the feelings out is "hey, Evinrude, this is not working for me. Can we spend more time together? If not, no hard feelings but I have to end this". Don't dance around it by saying I have another offer I'm considering, but maybe not considering. If people were just straightforward and honest and direct, we could save a crap ton of cyber space on TAM.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I knew immediately where she was coming from. She likes you but doesnt think things are progressing so wanted to know how you felt.
> All she wanted to know was that you were interested in her. Nothing wrong with that surely? I guess she us looking for a guy who wants something more than a couple of dates a week and some sex after a few months has passed.


I agree with this Diana, but it's the WAY she went about it.
IF she was really adult, she would have said "Hey, I know we've been seeing each other for a while, but I'd like to talk about where things might be going" -- I don't think he would have had ANY issue if she had approached it that way....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> The proper way to put the feelings out is "hey, Evinrude, this is not working for me. Can we spend more time together? If not, no hard feelings but I have to end this". Don't dance around it by saying I have another offer I'm considering, but maybe not considering. If people were just straightforward and honest and direct, we could save a crap ton of cyber space on TAM.


On her behalf, that’s pretty much what she said when she broke off things the first time. 
and I did start spending more time with her, which I enjoyed. But I wasn’t just craving time with her like I have with women I felt I loved. 
I’m not that upset about it. I’ll probably text her and tell her I’m sorry about the whole thing and wish her well. She’s a good woman. 
I think she pushed things just to get me to do what I did if I didn’t like her as much as I should have. I guess I just didn’t want to be pushed in that way.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> That’s true, but I liked her as a person and wanted a little more time to see if my feelings grew further. I think that’s reasonable. But you’re not wrong. I didn’t want to say that my feelings weren’t where I felt they should be. I’m guilty too, no doubt.


To me, it's important to say that and balance out the 'honesty' that's being expected, because quite frankly, everyone lies. Everyone shades the truth. And to act like her behavior was so appalling, and you would never is just another lie.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> I agree with this Diana, but it's the WAY she went about it.


As opposed to what? Him keeping her on the hook for sex/companionship and so he didn't have to be the bad guy?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

minimalME said:


> As opposed to what? Him keeping her on the hook for sex/companionship and so he didn't have to be the bad guy?


Nope, if SHE was concerned about the time or lack thereof, she was of course correct to opening the conversation. At that point I think he would have HAD to be honest with her. 
HE isn't the one that started it -- she wanted to know, but just went about it poorly.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> Nope, if SHE was concerned about the time or lack thereof, she was of course correct to opening the conversation. *At that point I think he would have HAD to be honest with her.*
> HE isn't the one that started it -- she wanted to know, but just went about it poorly.


At that point, huh? Not before? 😂

Neither one of them were being honest - direct, upfront. 

To act like she was worse than him is nonsense.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I don’t feel I was being dishonest. I liked the woman. I hoped I’d like her more.
And she never asked a question that I didn’t answer totally truthfully.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> The proper way to put the feelings out is "hey, Evinrude, this is not working for me. Can we spend more time together? If not, no hard feelings but I have to end this". Don't dance around it by saying I have another offer I'm considering, but maybe not considering. If people were just straightforward and honest and direct, we could save a crap ton of cyber space on TAM.


Some people don't find it easy to do things that way, but in any case it's shown that they aren't on the same page which is positive.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I


Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t feel I was being dishonest. I liked the woman. I hoped I’d like her more.
> And she never asked a question that I didn’t answer totally truthfully.


I guess after a few months you usually know if it's going anywhere.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t feel I was being dishonest. I liked the woman. I hoped I’d like her more.
> *And she never asked a question that I didn’t answer totally truthfully.*


Right. And this is very common with men. They stay silent and let the woman get carried away with her fantasy relationship. All the while _knowing_ that it won't last long at all.

Some on here call that lying by omission.

Which seems to be totally acceptable when a dating man wants to get laid, but not so much when a man's wife is getting laid by someone else.

I know. You're just an innocent lamb.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Where’s this coming from?
I liked the woman, hoped I’d like her more.
I think she was wanting more too fast.
But whatever. No, I’m not an innocent lamb.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Where’s this coming from?


It's coming from you starting a thread to portray someone as an immature, unprofessional liar.

I totally get it if you just want support. _fist bumps all around

But the truth is _- your behavior was just as bad. You are not a better person than this woman is.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

minimalME said:


> Right. And this is very common with men. They stay silent and let the woman get carried away with her fantasy relationship. All the while _knowing_ that it won't last long at all.
> 
> Some on here call that lying by omission.
> 
> ...


Having a bad day?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Where’s this coming from?
> I liked the woman, hoped I’d like her more.
> I think she was wanting more too fast.
> But whatever. No, I’m not an innocent lamb.


I'd ignore it. It's a little over the top. You posed a fine topic and you have the right to feel the way you do and you certainly admitted to your culpability.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Not saying she did things the right way…quite the opposite but she was probably picking up on your feelings…or lack there of. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

minimalME said:


> It's coming from you starting a thread to portray someone as an immature, unprofessional liar.
> 
> I totally get it if you just want support. _fist bumps all around
> 
> But the truth is _- your behavior was just as bad. You are not a better person than this woman is.


Never said I was a better person. 
But I will say after her saying “ will not lie” after she just said a lie, is pretty much bs and it has ruined all feelings I had for her.

I think you are just interested in Stirring poo and taking great pride in your “psychoanalysis” of others. I wasn’t leading the woman on for sex. I can find that anytime I want.
I liked her and hoped things would work out.
My feelings are gone at this point and I’ve told her as much and did not try to make her feel badly about the going on a date thing.
Whether anyone else dies or not, I thought it was crappy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Not saying she did things the right way…quite the opposite but she was probably picking up on your feelings…or lack there of.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I agree, but there wasn’t a lack of feelings. They just weren’t irresistible feelings.
And to be 100% truthful, I am scared of being all in with a woman too quickly now. I communicated that to her in the beginning.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Lila said:


> Had you two had the exclusivity talk? Was there a mutually understood committed relationship,?


 @Evinrude58, did you two have the relationship talk or was this just casual dating?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

After she broke things off in a very reasonable and nice way, when we got back together, o told her plainly that I was just wanting to date for a while and enjoy one another’s company. That I wasn’t ready to jump to fast into declaring long term relationship status for a while. She seemed agreeable, but the undercurrent of neediness was always there.
I told her about my previous relationship and how it had pretty much made me very untrusting of people and that if I fell in love again, it would take quite a while.

I don’t blame the lady for wanting more. But I do blame her for kind of giving me an ultimatum of declare my undying love or she’d date someone else.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> I told her plainly that I was just wanting to date for a while and enjoy one another’s company. That I wasn’t ready to jump to fast into declaring long term relationship status for a while. She seemed agreeable, but the undercurrent of neediness was always there.
> 
> I don’t blame the lady for wanting more. But I do blame her for kind of giving me an ultimatum of declare my undying love or she’d date someone else.


It sounds to me like you both had unrealistic expectations. You told her you wanted to casually date and she wanted you to take it seriously. 

If she was here asking for advice I would tell her to not force something that isn't there. When a man says he wants a casual relationship, believe him. If you like him, then keep seeing him but without the expectation for anything serious. 

@Evinrude58, since you're here I'll tell you that you can't have it both ways. You can't have a casual dating relationship without commitment but expect the woman to commit to you. That's not how it works. I still think she was trying to manipulate you but she was free to date others.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

minimalME said:


> Right. And this is very common with men. They stay silent and let the woman get carried away with her fantasy relationship. All the while _knowing_ that it won't last long at all.
> 
> Some on here call that lying by omission.
> 
> ...


MM, THANKS for this -- I didn't quite get at what you were talking about before -- VERY interesting insight (and NOT something I would have thought about in this way.)

That being said, i don't THINK he did anything wrong -- I don't THINK he ever promised her anything or implied it, but I could be wrong.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> She had communicates that I didn’t spend enough time with her. It wasn’t going to last, and I should have broken things off already.
> It’s not all her fault at all. I just thought this was pretty crazy what she did.


IT WAS crazy...and childish.
Maybe the situation wasn't all her fault, but her attempt to manipulate you absolutely IS her fault...and she deserves the consequences for it.

I think the point you are making with this thread was that as a woman with a doctorate in psychology, she has been trained in the honest, mature way to address this...yet she chose the dishonest, passive-aggressive way instead.

That shows that she must really struggle with being emotionally vulnerable in relationships, for whatever reason...and as an adult woman (nevermind a psychologist), she should have had better ways to cope and communicate than with such dishonesty. She had time to plan out what she was going to say, and the knowledge of how to communicate what she needed...yet she chose a vague threat in order to manipulate you. 

That is NOT the sign of someone who would be a good partner, in my opinion, if this is her default way of handling her emotional needs.

We aren't talking about a sudden mistake or anything like that - this was a calculated attempt to manipulate a man she wanted more from, because he had already made his boundaries clear and she didn't like them.
That's no small issue in a relationship!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think if things were bothering her this much, she should have just broken things off as she did before and I’d have had zero problem with it and went my way as before. I was making an effort to spend more time with her and enjoyed her company. She wants someone that adores her and spends every second of the day thinking about her. That’s not me and likely never would have been. It’s not a huge deal, I was just annoyed with her tactics.

I’ll add this: I was all in with a woman after my divorce. She emailed me during work, texted, we planned trips together. I told her about a year and a half into the relationship I was crazY in love with her. She didn’t say that in return for a couple of months. I think from the moment I let her know she had me, I was doomed. I don’t know if I can ever be all in again like that. It bothers me. I want to live someone like that again. It hasn’t happened And it’s been a few years.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> I think if things were bothering her this much, she should have just broken things off as she did before and I’d have had zero problem with it and went my way as before. I was making an effort to spend more time with her and enjoyed her company. She wants someone that adores her and spends every second of the day thinking about her. That’s not me and likely never would have been. It’s not a huge deal, I was just annoyed with her tactics.
> 
> I’ll add this: I was all in with a woman after my divorce. She emailed me during work, texted, we planned trips together. I told her about a year and a half into the relationship I was crazY in love with her. She didn’t say that in return for a couple of months. I think from the moment I let her know she had me, I was doomed. I don’t know if I can ever be all in again like that. It bothers me. I want to live someone like that again. It hasn’t happened And it’s been a few years.


Going to be honest, you need to work on yourself so that you can open yourself up to an "all in" relationship or accept the people you date are dating others. Both have their individual positives and negatives. Pick your poison.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’ll add this: I was all in with a woman after my divorce. She emailed me during work, texted, we planned trips together. I told her about a year and a half into the relationship I was crazY in love with her. She didn’t say that in return for a couple of months. I think from the moment I let her know she had me, I was doomed. I don’t know if I can ever be all in again like that. It bothers me. *I want to love someone like that again.* It hasn’t happened And it’s been a few years.


If that's what you want, you are going to have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and take the risk of making yourself vulnerable to another person. That kind of "all-in" love is only the reward of an all-in RISK.

And maybe you just haven't found the woman who excites you enough to take that risk yet. It might be much easier when you do!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

How exactly does one do that?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Instead of lonely, she sounds a little needy. But mainly she just sounds like she's ready to jump in with both feet on a 24/7 relationship and she's going to have trouble finding someone to do that early on.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> How exactly does one do that?


Me...? Or @Lila?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I have no idea how to work on myself so I can be all in again. Maybe someone will come along as said, and It will happen.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

I guess she should have said if you are just wanting to date causally how would you feel if I were to date others?

Some people want instant relationships, I think you need to get to know someone first. If she was from OLD then you especially need to give the relationship time and don't commit hard and fast to a stranger no matter how you feel. Lonely during the day? Does she not work or have other things going on? I think you did the right thing tbh. Would love to know the age range of you two.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I have no idea how to work on myself so I can be all in again. Maybe someone will come along as said, and It will happen.


that's what happened to me. I had financial reasons I never wanted to get married again. I'd told my GF multiple times, up front. Brutally honest about it.

One day she says to me, "Zedd, whatever we are, we are, but I'm with you however you need me to be forever. I don't care what the label is."

We were engaged half a year later, then said f-it, and got married 5 days after that.

Never know where life will take you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

m.t.t said:


> I guess she should have said if you are just wanting to date causally how would you feel if I were to date others?
> 
> Some people want instant relationships, I think you need to get to know someone first. If she was from OLD then you especially need to give the relationship time and don't commit hard and fast to a stranger no matter how you feel. Lonely during the day? Does she not work or have other things going on? I think you did the right thing tbh. Would love to know the age range of you two.


I’m 48, going on 10. She’s 47. 
she works all day and has a frighteningly stressful job though. She’s a super cool lady, actually. I don’t know why she pulled that on me. As I said, we were doing pretty well I thought.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

She's just one of those who wants a full-time companion. There are a lot like that out there, but certainly not everyone is like that. She probably just doesn't like to be alone. 
I don't understand people who seem to need a babysitter, but that's because I'm the polar opposite and like plenty of space. There's all kinds. Most, fortunately, are more in the middle.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

You sound a LOT like my bf. He doesn't like being pushed faster than he wants to go. We had similar issues in the first 6 months or so, but I didn't do a **** test. I broke up with him or tried to after stating what I wanted/wasn't getting and told him I wasn't going to invest in anyone who was ambivalent about me. He decided really fast then, but it took a few months before I warmed up to him again.

Maybe her feelings got the best of her intelligence and common sense, and it was too painful for her not to have an answer, yet it was terrifying to ask you directly and hear an answer. Maybe it was a final effort to see if things were headed somewhere before she took off. Either way, she's human and made a mistake, she should never have rekindled your relationship, you're not compatible. 

You said you two parted ways, then started dating again. How long is a few months? 3? 6? 

Honestly, you sound like you're not ready to date anyone seriously, and you two were afraid to be transparent, so the breakup may be for the best for both of you. You'll be free to find someone who makes you forget your fear, she'll find someone who loves her attention and doesn't think she's needy.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> How exactly does one do that?


You take a leap of faith, you jump in with both feet, and have hope that things will turn out not only okay, but really fantastic for your future. You also pick your partner wisely, with eyes wide open. Get to know the person, become friends, and don't let things get too physical too quickly.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Was the Eastern European doctor “the one”?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think this woman obviously didn't light a fire under you. It might be as simple as that.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TXTrini said:


> You sound a LOT like my bf. He doesn't like being pushed faster than he wants to go. We had similar issues in the first 6 months or so, but I didn't do a **** test. I broke up with him or tried to after stating what I wanted/wasn't getting and told him I wasn't going to invest in anyone who was ambivalent about me. He decided really fast then, but it took a few months before I warmed up to him again.
> 
> Maybe her feelings got the best of her intelligence and common sense, and it was too painful for her not to have an answer, yet it was terrifying to ask you directly and hear an answer. Maybe it was a final effort to see if things were headed somewhere before she took off. Either way, she's human and made a mistake, she should never have rekindled your relationship, you're not compatible.
> 
> ...


I think this is accurate


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Openminded said:


> Was the Eastern European doctor “the one”?


She’s the one that apparently broke it off in me, yes.😋


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> She’s the one that apparently broke it off in me, yes.😋


The two of you weren’t a good match.


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## MEA (Jul 12, 2021)

3-4 months is not very far into a relationship at all - especially not appropriate to “discuss the future.”
I wouldn’t even consider a future with a man until I’d known him for at least a year.
And the games? Men play the “fight for me” game too. During my single days as a young college student, my answer was always, “If there is another woman in your life, she can have you. I don’t fight to be number one to anyone. I’m either your number one or we don’t know each other anymore.”

You dodged a bullet.
There is a woman somewhere out there who likes to take things slowly as you do.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Openminded said:


> The two of you weren’t a good match.
> 
> Indeed


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Not surprised really, most psychologists and psychiatrists are loopy lol.

I'm impressed that you saw it for what it was! A lot of men aren't that smart lol.

Why didn't she just say "I still feel like we're not spending enough time together, what can we do about that?" instead of this teenage bs.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m 48, going on 10. She’s 47.
> she works all day and has a frighteningly stressful job though. She’s a super cool lady, actually. I don’t know why she pulled that on me. As I said, we were doing pretty well I thought.


Well, I would say you caught a glimpse of who she really is and how well she is really able to relate...because these first few months have only been the "honeymoon period".


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> Honestly, you sound like you're not ready to date anyone seriously, and you two were afraid to be transparent, so the breakup may be for the best for both of you. You'll be free to find someone who makes you forget your fear, she'll find someone who loves her attention and doesn't think she's needy.


GREAT points!!!!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m 48, going on 10. She’s 47.
> she works all day and has a frighteningly stressful job though. She’s a super cool lady, actually. I don’t know why she pulled that on me. As I said, we were doing pretty well I thought.


Also, 48 is certainly young enough to work out your ability to love fully and deeply again! You have plenty of time!!


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

LisaDiane said:


> Also, 48 is certainly young enough to work out your ability to love fully and deeply again! You have plenty of time!!


Prime, I would say 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Ursula said:


> You take a leap of faith, you jump in with both feet, and have hope that things will turn out not only okay, but really fantastic for your future. You also pick your partner wisely, with eyes wide open. Get to know the person, become friends, and don't let things get too physical too quickly.


Yep…eff the “3-date rule” 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Prime, I would say


I just turned 50 and feel like I’m past my prime…


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

_I am scared of being all in with a woman too quickly now. _*I communicated that to her in the beginning.*
You explained what you were all about to her and what she could and could not expect from you. She decides to leave and then comes back.

_when we got back together, *I told her plainly that I was just wanting to date for a while and enjoy one another’s company. That I wasn’t ready to jump to fast into declaring long term relationship status for a while. She seemed agreeable, but the undercurrent of neediness was always there. *_*I told her about my previous relationship and how it had pretty much made me very untrusting of people and that if I fell in love again, it would take quite a while. *
So you not only reinforced your message, but took the time to explain why you were holding back. She is intelligent and educated so you are wondering why she would bother with the foolish game.

*She wants someone that adores her and spends every second of the day thinking about her. That’s not me and likely never would have been.  * 
If I were to hazard a guess your in PhD in psychology is narcissistic. Was your ex narcissistic? If so whatever attracted your ex will attract others like her. *You have on more than one occasion explained to this woman that you were not going to rush into a relationship.* You went so far as to say why. A narcissistic individual would see you as a challenge. There is no sport in them breaking someone weak.

*I have no idea how to work on myself so I can be all in again. Maybe someone will come along as said, and It will happen.

You are already well equipped to be all in.* You are cautious and unwilling to trust blindly. You are willing to walk away. You are honest and have strong boundaries and will not compromise them. What you are missing is a woman that is genuine. If this woman's interest in you was genuine, she would not have walked away the first time. Certainly she would not have resorted to the failed manipulation/test when she wasn't getting her way the second time around. Especially after you had explained why you were reluctant and cautious.

You haven't likely heard the last from her. Would recommend if you hear anything further from her to ignore.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

This is not a good situation and I am hoping that you are putting it to rest. I can't believe this woman is a psychologist given the choices that she has made. Is she a researcher or does she have private clients? "Actions speak louder than words" maybe old and it still rings true. She not only tried to set you up, she admitted to you that that was her intent. That's a psychopath in my book. A sociopath would do it but not admit what they were hoping. I'm not sure which is worse.

Imagine being her partner. She sill assume that you're having sexual relations with any woman you have contact including women connected with your work. She will always be putting you in a got'cha moment. I don't see that you have done anything wrong.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

frusdil said:


> Why didn't she just say "I still feel like we're not spending enough time together, what can we do about that?" instead of this teenage bs.


Because that would require her to briefly take on the masculine, leadership role in the relationship. Which some women don't want to do. Nothing wrong with that. She found a way to express her needs while leaving the pants on evin, so good for her. 

If you're worried about going all in with a woman again all you really need to do is make sure you balance the energy. Next time don't come out with something like that until you strongly sense she feels the same way. I wanted to marry my wife very early on but didn't bring it up until she started pointing out what engagement rings she liked a few years into our relationship. Worked like magic.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m 48, going on 10. She’s 47.
> she works all day and has a frighteningly stressful job though. She’s a super cool lady, actually. I don’t know why she pulled that on me. As I said, we were doing pretty well I thought.


48 going on 10 made me snort!

She was afraid to risk what you have going on now so she went a back-door method for intel that she thought she could walk back on. I get why you would be uncool with that but it doesn’t make her some narcissistic psychopath. Just like you have a fear of moving forward, she has a fear of moving backward.

From what you have posted it sounds like you are very fond of this woman. No woman wants the object if their desire to be fond of them. Fond = Friend.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Sounds like a prom queen.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

gaius said:


> Because that would require her to briefly take on the masculine, leadership role in the relationship. Which some women don't want to do. Nothing wrong with that. She found a way to express her needs while leaving the pants on evin, so good for her.
> 
> If you're worried about going all in with a woman again all you really need to do is make sure you balance the energy. Next time don't come out with something like that until you strongly sense she feels the same way. I wanted to marry my wife very early on but didn't bring it up until she started pointing out what engagement rings she liked a few years into our relationship. Worked like magic.


I honestly feel like telling a woman you love her is the stupidest thing a man could ever do. My first wife begged me for 4 years to marry her, 14 years later she’s comfortable and gets to sexting other men online.
I’ve had two women in my life that didn’t start getting worse and worse once they knew I loved them. Like a fool, I didn’t marry either one. 
Love is one of the worst emotions a man can have. Exposes him to the most pain. 
Yet I can’t help but want it again, lol.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> Also, 48 is certainly young enough to work out your ability to love fully and deeply again! You have plenty of time!!


I'm really hoping this is true... for the OP as well as myself...


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> I honestly feel like telling a woman you love her is the stupidest thing a man could ever do. My first wife begged me for 4 years to marry her, 14 years later she’s comfortable and gets to sexting other men online.
> I’ve had two women in my life that didn’t start getting worse and worse once they knew I loved them. Like a fool, I didn’t marry either one.
> Love is one of the worst emotions a man can have. Exposes him to the most pain.
> Yet I can’t help but want it again, lol.


Love exposes *everyone* to pain. So if you want it, suck it up Buttercup.

Go big, or go home!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TXTrini said:


> Love exposes *everyone* to pain. So if you want it, suck it up Buttercup.
> 
> Go big, or go home!


I thought I was “special” heh heh.
I seriously am trying to reduce the risk by making more informed decisions.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> I thought I was “special” heh heh.
> I seriously am trying to reduce the risk by making more informed decisions.


All logic goes out the window when emotions get involved. It's all a crapshoot anyway, people show you what they want you to see. My best advice is to keep your eyes open while you enjoy the ride and see where it takes you.

Your lady friend took a shot and missed... C'est la vie.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You're conflict avoidant. That's why you let this relationship ride. That's what got you into your 2nd marriage and we know how that panned out. Saying you don't want to hurt someone is a cop out.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> So I’ve been seeing a lady for a few months. Nice lady. Seemed like a good person. I still think she is, but....
> From my recent years, my experiences have led me to take my time getting to know the person before emotionally investing in someone.
> 
> So I wasn’t seeing her enough or communicating enough to suit her, so I she said she was moving on to which I was fine with. But messaged me again and we started seeing one another again. I worked in the communication and was spending more time with her— she was always pleasant and fun to be around. Good things in the physical dept. So after getting back with her for a month or so.....
> ...


I think she was trying to judge where yiu3r head and heart was at. Where she stands so to speak.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

It’s been quite a while since I dated but 3 months is nothing. Dating is the period of time people get to know each other. We now live in a world where people move in together after a couple of months. It’s asinine. At 50 years old and having been hurt by betrayal moving slow is the only way to go. If she couldn’t take it stride than she definitely was not the right fit. It’s sad cause you liked her but it is what it is. Her loss for acting like she was 16 and needing your HS class ring. 🤷🏼‍♀️


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> I think she was trying to judge where yiu3r head and heart was at. Where she stands so to speak.


You are defined by your actions.

Evinrude clearly defined himself in both attempts at a relationship - he would not rush into a commitment nor would he be rushed into a commitment. In the 1st attempt the woman said that wasn't good enough and she wanted to part ways. That was more than fair. She made her own expectations clear. Evinrude did not beg, nor did he plead, nor did he offer to weaken his stance. He wished her well and let her go.

*She came back to him. *

In the second attempt nothing changed on Evinrude's side of the equation aside from him explaining *why* he would not be rushed into a commitment. Did this woman appreciate his concerns or boundaries any more the second time than she did the first time around? No. Did she resign herself to patiently wait and see how things progressed? No. She resorted to a tactic that is familiar to sales people the world over. *This tactic is not used to gauge interest, it is used to close the deal / obtain a commitment.*

If there was anything sincere and genuine about this woman she would not need to rely on tactics and manipulation.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> I honestly feel like telling a woman you love her is the stupidest thing a man could ever do. My first wife begged me for 4 years to marry her, 14 years later she’s comfortable and gets to sexting other men online.
> I’ve had two women in my life that didn’t start getting worse and worse once they knew I loved them. Like a fool, I didn’t marry either one.
> Love is one of the worst emotions a man can have. Exposes him to the most pain.
> Yet I can’t help but want it again, lol.


My question is why people don't understand that love always involves risk, because it involves faith. So of course it exposes them to pain. I mean you didn't know this?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Seems to me, she wasn't getting a comprehensible answer from you. Maybe if you stopped texting her in hieroglyphs, all of this wouldn't have happened. 

.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

sokillme said:


> My question is why people don't understand that love always involves risk, because it involves faith. So of course it exposes them to pain. I mean you didn't know this?


Yes, of course I know this. I just plan on being in control of my feelings better than I have in the past and until I have gotten all the background info and feel confident in the person’s character, I don’t want to love the person. 

She texted me today and said:

I have no problem to wait until things are change or until find out what we want. I can be patient but the same time I’m a very passionate woman. I have to know about how others feel. I know you are “heavily” guarded not to share your emotions. But the moment you started a new relationship, you put yourself in risk to get hurt again. You either let your past go and give a chance to be happy again or take more time to heal. You can’t find a more loyal woman than I am. I never cheat. But to me to be loyal I have to know where I am in a relationship. I have to hear the other‘s intentions and feelings. I don’t have time to wait for years until someone tells me that he likes me.”

well my problem is this: I’ve told her I liked her and made it obvious by spending time with her.
But I don’t think she wants to hear that I like her. She wants to hear that I love her. I don’t at this time. I have no problem telling her that. I’m NOT conflict avoidant, nor have I ever been. I don’t like to have unresolved problems. I have no problem telling her I don’t love her and she can move on.
With the Russian, I also had no problem telling her when I had issues with things. But I loved her. I hated to see her go. With the second wife, I couldn’t handle the irresponsible behavior with money, nor the 40k miles on the car (that she was never home), and I told her so. 
This woman has good qualities, but is pushing too fast for me. I’m pretty certain I’m just going to tell her to move on. she wants to hear I love you— and I don’t. And I don’t think I should at this point. A reasonable person takes a while. In all honesty, I really loved the Russian in about a year or so, but didn’t tell her for several months later until I felt it was mutual. I didn’t badger her to tell me that, and was surprised she did. Just as surprised when she told me she didn’t know if she loved me in a big fight we had 2 weeks before the wedding over me not putting enough effort in her mind into the wedding, although I had done exactly what she said she needed me to do. It was a gigantic **** test she pulled with that, trying to punish me emotionally for not living up to her marriage planning efforts. She was horrified when I cancelled the deposits on the wedding venue and restaurant (after she said multiple times in the fight that she wasn’t going to get married) (Which I was lucky to have done). She planned on giving me the silent treatment for a week or two and still getting married. No, I’m not marrying a woman that says she’s not sure if she loves me. That was the deal breaker for me. When I love someone, I love them and it’s not a revocable thing, unless it’s beat out of me as in the ex wife.

So no, I’m not even considering telling a woman I love her until I do. And I’m not going to until I’m satisfied she is not some psycho that emotionally abuses people. I feel that this incident with bringing up dating other men if I don’t declare my undying love and plans for a future to be manipulative behavior, not as bad as the Russians or even in the ball park, but still manipulative and I’m not into that crap at all. I am not stupid, I realize if a woman is having sex, she wants to know the guy has feelings for her. I do. But I don’t love her yet, which is why I shouldn’t have ever had sex with her.... I realize that too. It won’t bother me much at all if she goes down the road which is what is very likely to occur. 
So there’s my rant for the morning


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

You don’t have to love someone to have sex with them. Unreasonable to date for 2-3 months with no sex anyway. You need to determine compatibility in all areas. If she wants to hear you love her and you don’t, case closed. You can keep dating though, no? I would see it as a big red flag if she held out on the sex until you told her you loved her. She didn’t though, which brings her back to normal, at least in this area, IMO.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

RebuildingMe said:


> You don’t have to love someone to have sex with them.


I do...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Yes, of course I know this. I just plan on being in control of my feelings better than I have in the past and until I have gotten all the background info and feel confident in the person’s character, I don’t want to love the person.
> 
> She texted me today and said:
> 
> ...


Seems reasonable to me.

My response might be - "passively threatening me about your desire to pursue someone else is a hell of a way to prove your loyalty." 

I just don't think you guys are on the same page. Basically with this new text (which she should have written in the first place) she is asking for something from you that you are not ready to give. You are right it's perfectly fine to say you are not in love with her since she asked. It also doesn't mean you might not have been one day but she forced it and hurt the relationship. Just like you, I don't think this women wants to face the risk that you might never be. Again you guys don't fit, the way you are seems to put you in conflict. Besides that, this text basically admits that she was **** testing you, not a good sign. Look I believe they all do it, but this was way to early, imagine the **** test if you were married to her? No thanks.

One thing though, this seems to have happened twice. Maybe this has to do with who you are picking.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I don’t think I’m going to keep dating her. She Wants to know the guy she’s dating has strong feelings for her. It’s reasonable. I don’t yet, and don’t know if they’ll grow further. I’m just going to let her go. Not much else I can do. I can’t tell her I love her because I don’t.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

sokillme said:


> Seems reasonable to me.
> 
> My response might be - "passively threatening me about your desire to pursue someone else is a hell of a way to prove your loyalty."
> 
> ...


That’s the thing, she hasn’t been picked yet. We are just dating. So..... I’m working on my picker...


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

minimalME said:


> Right. And this is very common with men. They stay silent and let the woman get carried away with her fantasy relationship. All the while _knowing_ that it won't last long at all.
> 
> Some on here call that lying by omission.


I agree with @jlg07, @minimalME this was a really intriguing post, I hope someone starts a new discussion on this topic, as I'm sure a lot of guys, myself included, have not thought a lot about the consequences of this silence.

[Sorry for the tj]


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t think I’m going to keep dating her. She Wants to know the guy she’s dating has strong feelings for her. It’s reasonable. I don’t yet, and don’t know if they’ll grow further. I’m just going to let her go. Not much else I can do. I can’t tell her I love her because I don’t.


Sounds reasonable on your end. Sounds unrealistic on her end to want that after such a short time. Sounds like she will be back....again...when she finds many people don't operate that way. Especially after being burned twice, as you have (me too). It takes time to make that sort of honest commitment.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

She sounds high maintenance needs/expects pedestal queen status type. Emotionally needy that must discuss "the relationship status" often. I would totally bet even a declaration of love wouldn't be enough and it would then become _how much_ and prove it hurdles. Definitely want to punt on those.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

m.t.t said:


> I'm really hoping this is true... for the OP as well as myself...


Of course it is!!! Even if it doesn't always feel like it, there are so many things to be hopeful and happy about - just focus on whatever those things are FOR YOU and keep moving forward!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> I do...


That's like waiting to get married before you have sex. Crazy. So you fall in "lourve", then start your sex life only to find out she's LD and is content with once a week or worse. Now what?? No thanks.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

2&out said:


> She sounds high maintenance needs/expects pedestal queen status type. Emotionally needy that must discuss "the relationship status" often. I would totally bet even a declaration of love wouldn't be enough and it would then become _how much_ and prove it hurdles. Definitely want to punt on those.


Yes, she's already laying out the hoops Evinrude needs to jump through. Maybe because the Olympics have started?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Prime, I would say
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


YES!! Men don't even hit their stride until their mid-40s in most cases!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> I just turned 50 and feel like I’m past my prime…


NO WAY!!!! You've just been kicked around a little for too long...you'll get back to feeling like yourself once your life gets settled and you feel more in control of it again!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Yes, of course I know this. I just plan on being in control of my feelings better than I have in the past and until I have gotten all the background info and feel confident in the person’s character, I don’t want to love the person.
> 
> She texted me today and said:
> 
> ...


I would have said maybe it's not a total loss IF she had been authentic and open at any point, but even her text that you shared sounds like one big fat justification for trying to manipulate you, which is ridiculous. She's trying desperately to put lipstick on a pig - needy and selfish equals passionate? How unoriginal.

I think she is trying to use the things they taught her in psych class to weasel what SHE wants out of you, instead of caring about meeting YOUR needs...think about that.

If her motivation really was "to hear the other's intentions and feelings", then she would have just ASKED about those. She KNOWS your boundaries, she is just trying to compel you to violate them. Her needs don't match your needs, so instead of caring about YOU and what you want, she is only focused on what SHE wants to the exclusion of your feelings -- that's NOT good partner material.

She could have said, "You are right, I got scared and I acted like a baby...I'm sorry and I wish I had handled it differently" --- but no way, her whole text is MORE attempted manipulation.

The other important part of this you need to pay attention to is where you are in your relationship with her -- you are just a few months in, so supposedly THIS is her best behavior...you haven't even seen her when she's really upset and desperate yet, this isn't even her "ugly" side...

I think it would be a mistake for you to ignore these major red flags and waste time with her, if you are looking for a real lasting relationship that will make you happy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

RebuildingMe said:


> That's like waiting to get married before you have sex. Crazy. So you fall in "*lourve"*, then start your sex life only to find out she's LD and is content with once a week or worse. Now what?? No thanks.


Lmao


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Well, at least she’s nowhere near as bad as the Russian. She really was a difficult, controlling … person and that was obvious from the beginning. So maybe you’re improving in who you date. 

As to the current one, she wants more from this than you do. If you continue you’ll always feel pressure to be who she wants you to be. Move on.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It took many years to come to understand that people can have many exceptional qualities, and the bad qualities can be mixed in with the super good ones. 
super hard workers that are untrustworthy. Extremely intelligent that have zero introspection, etc etc.

The Russian was exceptional in many good ways, and what she was lacking in was huge as well. She and her kids came up to my cabin one weekend about a year ago, and unbeknownst to me, she just wanted a shoulder to cry on because she’s broke up with her boyfriend. What she told me was eye opening. She was up to the same old trucks with him.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> I would have said maybe it's not a total loss IF she had been authentic and open at any point, but even her text that you shared sounds like one big fat justification for trying to manipulate you, which is ridiculous. She's trying desperately to put lipstick on a pig - needy and selfish equals passionate? How unoriginal.
> 
> I think she is trying to use the things they taught her in psych class to weasel what SHE wants out of you, instead of caring about meeting YOUR needs...think about that.
> 
> ...


I have to agree with LisaDiane here.

She should have simply told you how she felt instead of trying to play games. I know too well how scary that is, especially when you feel very strongly about someone. You two really do sound like my bf and I. The last thing I wanted was to feel that strongly about anyone, I am also inclined to take my time in a relationship, so it's not like I wanted to close the deal. I needed to know where we going somewhere, before investing more of myself, it was too painful otherwise.

However, there were no games. We talked and laid it out there. He was very honest, and it hurt like a mofo, but I appreciated that and decided he was worth waiting for. I think she approached the situation really badly, either she made a mistake or she really is manipulative. You'd think someone with her background would be even more careful, especially if she really likes you. 

Either way, if she genuinely likes the person you are and wants something with you, she needs to be more considerate of your needs. You still didn't say how long exactly you've been dating, but I don't think "I love you" after a year is unreasonable, you need to be past the initial rush of passion to be certain and really get to know someone before moving forward. 

I stand by incompatible. You two are too old to be playing these games, that's teenager crap.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> Seems to me, she wasn't getting a comprehensible answer from you. Maybe if you stopped texting her in hieroglyphs, all of this wouldn't have happened.
> 
> .


   
Do you use too many emojis? I HATE them for texting in relationships! Just say what you mean!!


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

minimalME said:


> ....because quite frankly, everyone lies. Everyone shades the truth.


This is a generlization and I have to disagree with you - everybody doesn't lie or shade the truth, otherwise I would and I don't. I have been lied to far too often and I know how it feels and know first-hand the damage it can cause. I hate manipulation and lies are used for that purpose alone. So, I do not lie, therefore everybody doesn't


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Some people don't find it easy to do things that way, but in any case it's shown that they aren't on the same page which is positive.


So it's then acceptable to go the easy route for them - lies, deceit and manipulation? Believe me, I have been on the receiving end of this type of behaviour and it doesn't end well for the person being lied to.

Even so, if things are not _easy_ to talk about, one should make a consolidated effort to push through their uneasiness and just say what's on their mind and especially if they are supposed to be an adult. That's how we grow. Choosing to manipulate by default and probably something they learned as a child, shows bad character IMO.


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

minimalME said:


> Right. And this is very common with men. They stay silent and let the woman get carried away with her fantasy relationship. All the while _knowing_ that it won't last long at all.


I disagree. I wouldn't stay silent, ever, even if the sex was good and I thought the relationship was going nowhere. I'd speak out and hold that conversation, otherwise is isn't fair on anybody.


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

minimalME said:


> _But the truth is _- your behavior was just as bad. You are not a better person than this woman is


So rather than wait for a few more weeks to see if you can get a feeling on how the relationship is going, you would speak out and say what? "I was just thinking that maybe I'll give this relationship a couple more weeks to see if my feelings for you get stronger, if not I think we should call it a day as it isn't working out for me?" - What do you think the outcome of that would be? I would think that it would be a bit of a conversation stopper and would probably instantly change her feelings towards him, in actuality potentially damaging anything that could have grown - unless this is just me reading something else into it.

How is wanting to see if things change over a few more weeks and/or dates, being dishonest or manipulating and wanting to see if his feelings get stronger for her?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Smilieman said:


> I disagree. I wouldn't stay silent, ever, even if the sex was good and I thought the relationship was going nowhere. I'd speak out and hold that conversation, otherwise is isn't fair on anybody.


Dudeeeeee chill out! If the shoe fits, don't freaking cram it up your craw and digest it.


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I told her about my previous relationship and how it had pretty much made me very untrusting of people and that if I fell in love again, it would take quite a while.


I can fully understand you being untrusting of people, believe me. But is this not a limitation that you are placing on yourself? What timescale do you have in your mind when you say that "it would take a while" to fall into love again? Why have you set yourself a time limit? If you did fall in love quickly with somebody, would you then decide that you can't do that because your time limit hasn't yet been reached, so you back off and possibly risk losing the love of your life? Surely you are setting yourself up here by limiting yourself and I would have thought that you would therefore also hold back on your actions, which I believe, would be picked up on by the other person. Thoughts create actions, consciously and unconsciously and are picked up by others consciously and unconsciously.

My view is simply this. Each and every person is their own unique individual, created by their own individual experiences of life. As such each individual should be respectfuly treated in such a way. Not trusting a woman just because I have been hurt by another woman, or other women, isn't right to me. I will trust them until they show me that I can't. I will assume they are telling me the truth until I find that they are not. Perhaps I'm not the best judge of character given my most recent relationship failings, but these are my ethics. I really don't think that it's a nice thing to do to hold somebody else responsible for another persons actions and I think it's a crying shame that you should choose to limit your ability to find the deepest and best love you can, just because you have set yourself a limitation - based on what?


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Smilieman said:


> I can fully understand you being untrusting of people, believe me. But is this not a limitation that you are placing on yourself? What timescale do you have in your mind when you say that "it would take a while" to fall into love again? Why have you set yourself a time limit? If you did fall in love quickly with somebody, would you then decide that you can't do that because your time limit hasn't yet been reached, so you back off and possibly risk losing the love of your life? Surely you are setting yourself up here by limiting yourself and I would have thought that you would therefore also hold back on your actions, which I believe, would be picked up on by the other person. Thoughts create actions, consciously and unconsciously and are picked up by others consciously and unconsciously.
> 
> My view is simply this. Each and every person is their own unique individual, created by their own individual experiences of life. As such each individual should be respectfuly treated in such a way. Not trusting a woman just because I have been hurt by another woman, or other women, isn't right to me. I will trust them until they show me that I can't. I will assume they are telling me the truth until I find that they are not. Perhaps I'm not the best judge of character given my most recent relationship failings, but these are my ethics. I really don't think that it's a nice thing to do to hold somebody else responsible for another persons actions and I think it's a crying shame that you should choose to limit your ability to find the deepest and best love you can, just because you have set yourself a limitation - based on what?


I’m going to disagree. Trust needs to be earned. It is not to be given freely.


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I have no idea how to work on myself so I can be all in again. Maybe someone will come along as said, and It will happen.


Work on fear - this is what it is. Identify it, name it and live life in the face of it. Remember *F*alse *E*vidence *A*ppearing *R*eal, it's not real, it's just an illusion we make in our minds and tell ourselves it's the truth in order to protect ourselves from something that we believe will harm us in some way.


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I’m going to disagree. Trust needs to be earned. It is not to be given freely.


So you distrust everybody you meet? There are certain things that you can pick up on that leaves you distrusting people, but to distrust everybody until they earn you trust seems like an effort. I do agree though that a deeper trust needs building on.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Smilieman said:


> So you distrust everybody you meet? There are certain things that you can pick up on that leaves you distrusting people, but to distrust everybody until they earn you trust seems like an effort. I do agree though that a deeper trust needs building on.


I don’t trust humans in general. Why should I? Humans notoriously have proven not to be trustworthy. That is why places like TAM exist.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m sure she’s just not the right person for me, and when the right one appears, if they do, things will progress naturally and she won’t feel the need to push me. I’m just going to tell the lady I don’t love her and we should part ways. Again. 
What minimalist wrote made me think he was implying I knew she wasn’t the one from the getgo, and that’s not the case. I hoped my feelings would develop. They have some, but not as hoped. If I kept it going at this point, he’d be right. I don’t want to be guilty of “the lady doth protest too much”, because now that I’ve read what was written, I’m sure I’ve been guilty in the past of continuing a relationship too long because I wanted to keep the benefits. I’m in a position now that I don’t really care as much about a lot of the benefits of a relationship because I stay busy on my own.

I don’t have any limits on how long, but even if I fell head over heels, I WOULD wait a long time to marry, and see the person in stressful situations and how they treated others. It I do realize there’s no way to be sure, ever.


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I don’t trust humans in general. Why should I? Humans notoriously have proven not to be trustworthy. That is why places like TAM exist.


True Lol!, but do you not trust yourself then?  I'd choose a dog every time if I could. It's a shame though isn't it, as I'm sure that the majority of people can't all be untrustworthy, can they?

Also, what about if you trusted somebody completely, as I did my wife, then they totally shatter that trust? Yes, they have shown they can't be trusted any further, but the damage has been done by that stage - as in my case anyway. The trust was earned. The question remains though if I was a bad judge of character (probably), or did she just not give me a reason to distrust her in over 19 years? Then just like that, she just decided to change her mind and be the most cheating, lying, scheming, thieving and manipulating evil person I have ever known. It's a tough one that's for sure!

Unless there was something within the first few dates that really stood out though, I think I would trust another person and then build on that trust at a deeper level going forward. I can't really say what I'd do when if it came to it, as I haven't dated in years since I've been married until very, very recently (well still am technically), but I like to think that's what I'd do and at my age I probably won't be lucky enough to find out. We'll see.


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## Smilieman (Jun 8, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t have any limits on how long, but even if I fell head over heels, I WOULD wait a long time to marry, and see the person in stressful situations and how they treated others. I do realize there’s no way to be sure, ever.


Yeah, and that's the tough bit that I feel will hold most of us back after getting hurt bad - we are unsure and therefore we don't/won't commit. Part of me thinks that maybe we should hold back until we are sure, but then the other part wonders if not holding back would get us the answers we require sooner, somehow. Perhaps keep that statement in mind when you have a look inside yourself in your next relationship to find out what 'time limit' you are holding - It's actually a very good statement to use to get some perspective, I shall steal that one and use it!  - if there is no way to ever be sure then why would you wait to be sure before you move forward - would you ever move forward if you can never be sure?

We all set time limits and others set time limits for us - How long is it acceptable to be alone before we date somebody after a partner has died? How long should we be seen to wait to date after our marriages fail? etc. If you insist on giving yourself an answer you'll find what they are. It's good though that you are contemplating getting married again, I don't ever think I would do that a second time, it was a one time deal for me and even that was at a push. For me it will be doing what I need to do to heal myself as best I can and be in a position to create a better relationship than the last one, if one does find me at some stage.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Sounds like this woman was looking for fairy tale. There are some couples that still go the distance after getting hitched very early on.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I can't relate very well to your situation because I am a multi dater until the exclusivity talk comes up and the answer is to my satisfaction. However, I believe you should do whatever makes you happy. @Evinrude58, if she's not the one, it's ok to let her go without guilt.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m sure she’s just not the right person for me, and when the right one appears, if they do, things will progress naturally and she won’t feel the need to push me. I’m just going to tell the lady I don’t love her and we should part ways. Again.
> What minimalist wrote made me think he was implying I knew she wasn’t the one from the getgo, and that’s not the case. I hoped my feelings would develop. They have some, but not as hoped. If I kept it going at this point, he’d be right. I don’t want to be guilty of “the lady doth protest too much”, because now that I’ve read what was written, I’m sure I’ve been guilty in the past of continuing a relationship too long because I wanted to keep the benefits. I’m in a position now that I don’t really care as much about a lot of the benefits of a relationship because I stay busy on my own.
> 
> I don’t have any limits on how long, but even if I fell head over heels, I WOULD wait a long time to marry, and see the person in stressful situations and how they treated others. It I do realize there’s no way to be sure, ever.


I effing love this post! The only thing I would change for myself is not inviting the government into my relationship…aka marriage. lol 

I would only ever marry again if there was a major financial break for us as a couple, such as health insurance. And we would have had to establish quite a long “engagement” before that would happen.

It is hard to determine the line between “learning lessons” and “carrying baggage”, no? Haha


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Smilieman said:


> True Lol!, but do you not trust yourself then?  I'd choose a dog every time if I could. It's a shame though isn't it, as I'm sure that the majority of people can't all be untrustworthy, can they?


Even a dog you raise, care for and cherish can bite you when you reach for its dinner.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

gaius said:


> Because that would require her to briefly take on the masculine, leadership role in the relationship. Which some women don't want to do. Nothing wrong with that. She found a way to express her needs while leaving the pants on evin, so good for her.


No it wouldn't? All she'd be doing is expressing her feelings to him, it still leaves it to him to solve the problem.


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## gold5932 (Jun 10, 2020)

Is this really how it goes in dating now? A month and you have these issues?? I notice on OLD sites, everyone over 60 is looking for a soulmate. Why is that?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It’s been about 3 or 4 months. Heck yes, we are all looking for our , well, I hate the term soulmate.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Over 60? I don’t see many of those. They don’t use the net lol


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> It took many years to come to understand that people can have many exceptional qualities, and the bad qualities can be mixed in with the super good ones.
> super hard workers that are untrustworthy. Extremely intelligent that have zero introspection, etc etc.
> 
> The Russian was exceptional in many good ways, and what she was lacking in was huge as well. She and her kids came up to my cabin one weekend about a year ago, and unbeknownst to me, she just wanted a shoulder to cry on because she’s broke up with her boyfriend. What she told me was eye opening. She was up to the same old trucks with him.


And ALL the love in the world cannot un-sour a relationship when the disappointments become overwhelming...and I don't think it should be able to (although I'm guilty of hanging on way too long!).


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> It’s been about 3 or 4 months. Heck yes, we are all looking for our , well, I hate the term soulmate.


I don't like that term either, it seems so confining, as if there can be only ONE, which isn't true at all.
There are TONS of suitable people who can make each of us happy, just all in different ways! And we get to choose what's most important to us!!



Evinrude58 said:


> Over 60? I don’t see many of those. They don’t use the net lol


Of course they do, don't be silly!
They are online, you just don't swim in their pond...YET...Lol!!

I think men around and over 60 are supremely vibrant and attractive!!!!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> I don't like that term either, it seems so confining, as if there can be only ONE, which isn't true at all.
> There are TONS of suitable people who can make each of us happy, just all in different ways! And we get to choose what's most important to us!!
> 
> 
> ...


Ok Duncan McCloud...

I used to believe in soulmates when I was young, dumb and starry-eyed. Now? Not so much. I still feel I'm too young to just give up on relationships altogether, especially since I missed out on a lot. 

I'm good with good conversation, good sex, good companionship in an exclusive relationship. I'm still licking my wounds and totally get why divorced people don't remarry. Although I'm technically not single, I've got used to living without a man and am really liking all the extra free time I have.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> Ok Duncan McCloud...


OMG...LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! You are SO FUNNY!!!!!!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

My ex mother I law had the hots for “Duncan McCliud of the clan McCloud” which I would say really really fast every time I’d see him on tv just to annoy her lol. 

the love thing.... people tell me they “know what they’re looking for” a lot. it annoys me to no end. Really? Because you could put 100 people out there for me to choose from, alk with the characteristics I claim to like, and I can’t promise to fall in love with any of them. I don’t know EXACTLY what I’m looking for. I never would have thought I’d have fallen for a beautiful Russian doctor that was the most controlling person I’ve ever met, but I did.

I’ll say this, I run fast now when I see certain traits popping up. I can get out of Dodge quickly. Silent treatment? You’ll see nothing but a cloud of dust as I leave. Uncompromising behavior? Poof


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> Ok Duncan McCloud...
> 
> I used to believe in soulmates when I was young, dumb and starry-eyed. Now? Not so much. I still feel I'm too young to just give up on relationships altogether, especially since I missed out on a lot.
> 
> I'm good with good conversation, good sex, good companionship in an exclusive relationship. I'm still licking my wounds and totally get why divorced people don't remarry. Although I'm technically not single, I've got used to living without a man and am really liking all the extra free time I have.


OMG, are you now coming around to the idea that marriage is for suckers???


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> My ex mother I law had the hots for “Duncan McCliud of the clan McCloud” which I would say really really fast every time I’d see him on tv just to annoy her lol.
> 
> the love thing.... people tell me they “know what they’re looking for” a lot. it annoys me to no end. Really? Because you could put 100 people out there for me to choose from, alk with the characteristics I claim to like, and I can’t promise to fall in love with any of them. I don’t know EXACTLY what I’m looking for. I never would have thought I’d have fallen for a beautiful Russian doctor that was the most controlling person I’ve ever met, but I did.
> 
> I’ll say this, I run fast now when I see certain traits popping up. I can get out of Dodge quickly. Silent treatment? You’ll see nothing but a cloud of dust as I leave. Uncompromising behavior? Poof


OMG, I had a thing for Adrian Paul! I watched all of the movies and TV Series.

Ha! I know, right? Men do that **** too, btw. I can't tell you how many men spouted off monologues about how humans are non monogamous, trying to get me to meet up for sex. Most times I just blocked and moved on, sometimes they caught me under the bridge, if you catch my meaning 😆

People just need to get over themselves and be upfront about who they are, what they want and stop with the sleazy sales pitch.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

LisaDiane said:


> I think men around and over 60 are supremely vibrant and attractive!!!!


Well hello there!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> OMG, are you now coming around to the idea that marriage is for suckers???


Yeah, it's nice not to be a household appliance and be able to spend WAY less time keeping things tidy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m getting more at home sharing life with my fav person, too. Me. Lol


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> OMG, are you now coming around to the idea that marriage is for suckers???


@TXTrini...wanna take bets on whether Bam Bam will be remarried within 3 years??


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Laurentium said:


> Well hello there!


LOLOL!!!!! 💜

I love how there have been 8 pages about a psychologist with relationship issues, and THIS is the post that you respond to!!!! Lol!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> OMG, I had a thing for Adrian Paul! I watched all of the movies and TV Series.
> 
> Ha! I know, right? Men do that **** too, btw. I can't tell you how many men spouted off monologues about how humans are non monogamous, trying to get me to meet up for sex. Most times I just blocked and moved on, sometimes they caught me under the bridge, if you catch my meaning 😆
> 
> People just need to get over themselves and be upfront about who they are, what they want and stop with the sleazy sales pitch.


Me too, and I loved the series!!!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> the love thing.... people tell me they “know what they’re looking for” a lot. it annoys me to no end. Really? Because you could put 100 people out there for me to choose from, alk with the characteristics I claim to like, and I can’t promise to fall in love with any of them. I don’t know EXACTLY what I’m looking for. I never would have thought I’d have fallen for a beautiful Russian doctor that was the most controlling person I’ve ever met, but I did.
> 
> I’ll say this, I run fast now when I see certain traits popping up. I can get out of Dodge quickly. Silent treatment? You’ll see nothing but a cloud of dust as I leave. Uncompromising behavior? Poof


I can't say I know what I AM looking for...but I sure know what I'm NOT looking for!!!

And what does "the silent treatment" mean...? Like, when you try to talk to someone and they refuse to acknowledge your existence because they are angry? Or is it when someone is quiet because you are angry at them?



Evinrude58 said:


> I’m getting more at home sharing life with my fav person, too. Me. Lol


THIS is a great way to look at things as well!!
And think about it, if Ms. Perfect-for-Love shows up, you don't want to be dating someone who isn't the right match for you, you want to be free and ready for the right one!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> @TXTrini...wanna take bets on whether Bam Bam will be remarried within 3 years??


   
I would DIE laughing. I best be invited to that wedding, eh _pokes @RebuildingMe_


LisaDiane said:


> LOLOL!!!!! 💜
> 
> I love how there have been 8 pages about a psychologist with relationship issues, and THIS is the post that you respond to!!!! Lol!


👀


LisaDiane said:


> Me too, and I loved the series!!!


 I just realized something!
I just took a peek of him on imdb, and I gotta say the bf kinda looks a little like him but with a little beard. 😻


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> @TXTrini...wanna take bets on whether Bam Bam will be remarried within 3 years??


I just threw up in my mouth

@Blondilocks turned me on to a new term...."LAT". I love it. Living apart together. That's my goal.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> I just realized something!
> I just took a peek of him on imdb, and I gotta say the bf kinda looks a little like him but with a little beard. 😻


Ooooh...LUCKY GIRL!!!!! Lol!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

LisaDiane said:


> Ooooh...LUCKY GIRL!!!!! Lol!


Thanks  I'm not crazy about beards but I gotta admit, it's hot on him.

I have to say, dating at 40+ has been an education. A lot of things I thought I liked/wanted, I don't. I don't know if my mindset shifted or what. Some things just seem unimportant now, while others are way more important. This is why I totally agree with Evinrude about not having "must-have" lists.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The silent treatment is when your SO is angry at you and refuses to communicate. Won’t talk, answer texts, the phone, etc.
The fiancée was the MASTER of it. She wielded that like a sword and stuck it to me constantly. She would say “I have nothing further to say” in her sexy Russian accent. 
it might go for days or even a couple of weeks. 
it would make me really upset because I was stupid crazy about the woman. 
she knew it. She was telling me about that with her ex bf that dumped her. She told me he knew she was headed up to my cabin and I was her ex, and he showed up to get something as she was leaving and he walked up to her window and she just stared at him and backed out and left. I told her, “and you expected him to call you after that??? Damn, you can’t treat people like that. You’ve got to communicate. That’s hurtful!“. She said she would have burst out crying in front of her kids if she had talked. BS. She wanted to hurt that dude. Laughed and said she hoped he called. I asked if she was going to talk and straighten things out with him. She said “no, I’m done with him Jason!” I said, “well why do you want him to call”???
Her answer: so I can tell him I’m not interested.” And LAUGHED!!!!! She was about to marry the guy and move to Alabama for him!!!!

I realized that was the same **** she pulled on me. Damn what a character. But she was still genuinely hurt by losing him. It’s crazy.

fyi, when she wasn’t pulling ********- she was AMAZING. That got fewer and farther between. .


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> The silent treatment is when your SO is angry at you and refuses to communicate. Won’t talk, answer texts, the phone, etc.
> The fiancée was the MASTER of it. She wielded that like a sword and stuck it to me constantly. She would say “I have nothing further to say” in her sexy Russian accent.
> it might go for days or even a couple of weeks.
> it would make me really upset because I was stupid crazy about the woman.
> ...


I agree you were stupid crazy when it came to her. She was just plain crazy. Everyone who posted on your thread knew that but you ignored all the red flags and continued on. Thankfully, it finally ended.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

A woman psychologist is still a woman, and women **** test. It’s innate and it’s part of the game.
I don’t have much patience for excessive game playing or drama either, but you need to expect some basic **** testing now and then from any woman. Just embrace it for what it is and respond accordingly.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> The silent treatment is when your SO is angry at you and refuses to communicate. Won’t talk, answer texts, the phone, etc.
> The fiancée was the MASTER of it. She wielded that like a sword and stuck it to me constantly. She would say “I have nothing further to say” in her sexy Russian accent.
> it might go for days or even a couple of weeks.
> it would make me really upset because I was stupid crazy about the woman.
> ...


Good God, why did you put up with all of that? Was she super hot?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TXTrini said:


> Good God, why did you put up with all of that? Was she super hot?


She was to me. Some aspects of the relationship were mind blowing, out of the galaxy good.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> She was to me. Some aspects of the relationship were mind blowing, out of the galaxy good.


I guess we all do stupid **** for love, eh?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m my case stoopid. Reelly stoopid.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

DudeInProgress said:


> A woman psychologist is still a woman, *and women **** test*. It’s innate and it’s part of the game.
> I don’t have much patience for excessive game playing or drama either, but you need to expect some basic **** testing now and then from any woman. Just embrace it for what it is and respond accordingly.


I just don't believe you!!!

You are being much too vague about this mysterious "crap test" anyways, WHAT is such a thing?? 
I don't think I've ever done that to anyone - I put NO value in feelings from anyone that I have to force or manipulate out of them!!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Lots of women do the poo test LD. Really they do. This is just the most blatant I’ve ever experienced. Usually it’s much younger women that do them. 
I’m actually surprised you haven’t heard if a **** test.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

I don't think **** tests are a female thing. I've had similar from my ex, it seemed like he was goading me to lose my ****. Maybe it's an insecure people thing. 

Pretty much everything men complain about, women could probably match it with crap behavior from men they're experienced or observed. Instead of complaining that all men/women are like that, I think it would be more productive to examine the quality of the people we choose to surround ourselves with and why then pick better friends and lovers.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m sure that’s true.


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

Have you replied psychologist's last message and what is her response


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I told her it’s best we went our separate ways. 

her:
“I feel you totally misunderstanding me and I don’t have a chance to talk to you in person about it. It’s very hard to express yourself through texting using often the wrong word. But if that’s what you want I respect your wish. “
I told her There was no misunderstanding that she was considering dating another guy.

her:
“I never considered to go to any date. I made a mistake by messing with you to find out if you care about me at all. You are calling me as a friend. I was not sure if I can even consider myself as your girlfriend. I made a mistake. I know. And I said I’m very sorry and I regret it very much. As I told you before, im not requesting that you need to be in love with me. I just wanted to know that you care. “

basically I told her I wasn’t going to tell her I loved her because I didn’t, I wasn’t ready for the “relationship talk” yet. And she still wants to date.

As I said, I enjoy spending time with her, so it’s hard to say that I don’t think there’s a huge chance it’s going to go anywhere. Especially now. My feelings have been set backward.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

"Messing with you"?

Gross! My stomach actually turned reading that phrase. 

I'd NEVER trust her. She's dysfunctional.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

If you want to give it another go, I don't see much harm in that. Just keep being honest with her, and let her know, it can't happen again. Anything she has questions about regarding you or the relationship, direct questions are what you prefer and to be prepared for direct answers. She can decide if that's a situation she's ok with. If she is, no harm in giving it a go.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

I understand where she's coming from, having been in her shoes. However, I still can't condone what she did, especially with someone of her background and age. It's just so immature and might be indicative of how she'll conduct herself later on.

I'm really sorry it came to this man, but best to find out now. Did she know about your history with manipulative women?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She lost and she doesn’t like it.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> I told her it’s best we went our separate ways.
> 
> her:
> “I feel you totally misunderstanding me and I don’t have a chance to talk to you in person about it. It’s very hard to express yourself through texting using often the wrong word. But if that’s what you want I respect your wish. “
> ...


This is waaay too much drama for something that isn't even a committed relationship. If I didn't know you two were in your 40s, I'd think you were 18. 

She's right in that at this point, you two are just friends who enjoy each other's company. Where she's wrong is that instead of just accepting it for what it is, and acting accordingly, she's trying to force you into a committed monogamous relationship. That's very juvenile behavior. 

Did you two agree on sexual monogamy? ut If not, she's certainly entitled to see others without consulting you. She, being late 40s, should know how this works.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I don’t think her response was all that bad. Childish maybe, but sincere enough that I’d hang in. Unless you are done, done.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Jeebus. Just cut the damn thing off. WTH is wrong with you? Not enough red flags, yet? Don't you see this woman is desperate? You know why she's desperate? Because she pulls this kind of crap.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Lots of women do the poo test LD. Really they do. This is just the most blatant I’ve ever experienced. Usually it’s much younger women that do them.
> I’m actually surprised you haven’t heard if a **** test.


I've heard of women (and men) testing their partners under all kinds of circumstances, but I've never heard specifically what men mean when they say "women sh!t test"...what does THAT specifically mean? 

Because, as a woman, if I needed to know something, I would ASK. If I was this woman who wanted more from a man than HE wanted, I would specifically SAY, "I really like spending time with you and having sex with you, but I'm starting to feel like I need more emotionally. If you aren't ready for that, I understand, but then we need to figure out where to go from here so that we are both happy. What do you think?"

I wouldn't bring it up or threaten to end the relationship unless I was ready to be honest and REAL, and handle the consequences of that. I wouldn't tell a guy that I was perfectly fine with how HE wanted the relationship to be if I wasn't.
I wouldn't LIE. I wouldn't try to TRICK him or MANIPULATE him. I would care about his needs and be honest if they didn't match mine.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

I don't think walking away is a wrong option. Certainly entitled to do so, everyone has their own boundaries.

That said, she did acknowledge it was completely wrong, and literally told you she regrets it, and has apologized, so, taking that information and starting from a different baseline wouldn't be an inappropriate option either. 

Back when I was dating my wife, she was visibly annoyed by something I did. I didn't know what I did wrong. I asked what was bothering her, was told "nothing." I asked again, same answer. I told her I was asking one more time, then never caring again. Still "nothing." 

Went out with the boys for the evening. Got back really late. In the morning, she started to tell me what bothered her. I stopped her before she could get a half-dozen words out and told her I didn't care anymore and didn't want to hear about it.

To this day, I still have no idea what I did wrong that day, but I've never had to ask her what's bothering her twice. A couple years later, she said she appreciated what I did that day and as a result we've never played stupid passive aggressive games.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> I've heard of women (and men) testing their partners under all kinds of circumstances, but I've never heard specifically what men mean when they say "women sh!t test"...what does THAT specifically mean?


Just being passive-aggressive. I'm going to do this stupid scenario to see if you react the way I want you to - i.e., give you a ****ty situation, and see if you pass the test. Men do it too.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think she is a nice person. She wanted to feel loved. Everyone does. She has not had a lot of relationship experiences, has had a fairly odd life. Apparently I am the first good physical relationship that she has ever had. Believable when I heard her story. She has a lot of good qualities. I may see her again, but I’ve told her I don’t love her, my feelings have been set back, and I sure wasn’t ready for “the relationship talk”.
She still wants to see me. I’m not putting a lot of worry into it. We aren’t married. She knows without a doubt that we are just dating. 
I am only worried about her getting her feelings hurt if I break things off. Not much I can do there. It happens.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She still wants to see you because she thinks you’ll change your mind. Sounds like you’re backpedaling from your original post by first saying you were done and then a few hours ago saying you were going your separate ways and just recently now it’s that you may see her again, just dating. I was wrong that she lost — she didn’t. She probably feels that with time — and some serious sex-bombing — she’ll win.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> I think she is a nice person. She wanted to feel loved. Everyone does. She has not had a lot of relationship experiences, has had a fairly odd life. Apparently I am the first good physical relationship that she has ever had. Believable when I heard her story. She has a lot of good qualities. I may see her again, but I’ve told her I don’t love her, my feelings have been set back, and I sure wasn’t ready for “the relationship talk”.
> She still wants to see me. I’m not putting a lot of worry into it. We aren’t married. She knows without a doubt that we are just dating.
> I am only worried about her getting her feelings hurt if I break things off. Not much I can do there. It happens.


So here's a question....would you have cared if she was dating other people?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Openminded said:


> She still wants to see you because she thinks you’ll change your mind. Sounds like you’re backpedaling from your original post by first saying you were done and then a few hours ago saying you were going your separate ways and just recently now it’s that you may see her again, just dating. *I was wrong that she lost — she didn’t. She probably feels that with time — and some serious sex-bombing — she’ll win.*


Well, if that's true, I just want to say...in another month or two when he's posting about more problems with her, I don't think I will be able to resist replying with a bunch of eye-rolling emojis...
THESE >>>  Lol!

I will TRY not to (because I don't want to be mean), but it will be VERY difficult...


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Zedd said:


> Just being passive-aggressive. I'm going to do this stupid scenario to see if you react the way I want you to - i.e., give you a ****ty situation, and see if you pass the test. Men do it too.


I think I'm too impulsive to be passive aggressive...which has other regrets that come with it...Lol!!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Openminded said:


> She still wants to see you because she thinks you’ll change your mind. Sounds like you’re backpedaling from your original post by first saying you were done and then a few hours ago saying you were going your separate ways and just recently now it’s that you may see her again, just dating. I was wrong that she lost — she didn’t. She probably feels that with time — and some serious sex-bombing — she’ll win.


There’s nothing wrong with sex bombing Most men like it.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

LisaDiane said:


> I think I'm too impulsive to be passive aggressive...which has other regrets that come with it...Lol!!


Impulsive can be very dangerous


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> Impulsive can be very dangerous


Well, I meant mostly emotionally impulsive...my feelings are hard for me to hide. I can't do the "silent treatment" thing very well, I am a pretty poor liar, I'm open and direct and think other people are too (hint - they AREN'T). That's what I mean.

As far as actions -- I'm actually VERY cautious and deliberate. But emotionally, I usually embarrass myself.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> There’s nothing wrong with sex bombing Most men like it.


Yes they do...until they realixe that there are actually COSTS and EXPECTATIONS that come with it!
You get one too... Lol!!!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> She wanted to feel loved. Everyone does.


Well, of course she does. But the way she's gone about it is wrong. Once upon a time, I was an early-20-something woman. And these are the type of messages I'd send. Thankfully, those days are behind me as I chose to become an adult. Specifically, an adult who says what I mean and means what I say.

This woman ain't it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

RebuildingMe said:


> There’s nothing wrong with sex bombing Most men like it.


Yeah — and it very often gets them into relationships they shouldn’t be in.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m immune to sex bombing.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, you need to seriously read this quote:



Trident said:


> There IS a lot of bitterness on this thread from guys who have failed.
> 
> I'm divorced, was paying $8k per month in combined spousal and child support, but you know what? That's over now, and I've dated and been in relationships with some great women since that time, even lived with a woman for years.
> 
> ...


A few months down the road, you'll be adding your experience with this woman to the arsenal of bitterness you're stockpiling because for some reason you insist on sticking your hand in the fire. For some reason, you insist on rugswseeping bad behavior in all of your relationships. Her begging for your attention may be stroking your ego, now, but wait until she's got you on the hook and then payback for her having to beg will hit you like a ton of bricks. Good luck, you're going to need it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> OP, you need to seriously read this quote:
> 
> 
> 
> A few months down the road, you'll be adding your experience with this woman to the arsenal of bitterness you're stockpiling because for some reason you insist on sticking your hand in the fire. For some reason, you insist on rugswseeping bad behavior in all of your relationships. Her begging for your attention may be stroking your ego, now, but wait until she's got you on the hook and then payback for her having to beg will hit you like a ton of bricks. Good luck, you're going to need it.


I don’t disagree. In this instance, I’m not emotionally attached and don’t see this as a problem. I don’t plan on marrying her. I’m not bitter toward all women. Yes, I’m pretty skeptical of getting emotionally attached to any of them. This relationship likely is short lived. 
I couldn’t help falling for the Russian. I don’t know if anyone could. She’s like a damn Siren.
A man trap. This woman isn’t like her at all.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What was your second wife like (was she after the Siren)?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> I don’t disagree. In this instance, I’m not emotionally attached and don’t see this as a problem. I don’t plan on marrying her. I’m not bitter toward all women. Yes, I’m pretty skeptical of getting emotionally attached to any of them. This relationship likely is short lived.
> I couldn’t help falling for the Russian. I don’t know if anyone could. She’s like a damn Siren.
> A man trap. This woman isn’t like her at all.


Something changed your mind about first being done with her and now you’re thinking you might still date her. But she’s been warned so when she gets hurt, as she very likely will, that’s on her for chasing after you.

As for the Russian, you were the only one who didn’t see her for the controlling * that she was. That’s because while we were thinking with our brains, you were thinking with your heart (or maybe some other body part). She was a disaster waiting to happen (and she may not be though yet).


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She was after the siren. 
she bought a sports car on her lunch break without ever discussing it with me, put over 40k miles on it in less than a year (home 9-10pm every night), I then found out she had 160k of debt with no assets or equity of any kind. So irresponsible with money, immature, and angry a lot over a text I sent to chuck71– but it was wrong in my part. He asked about the Russian and I told him. She had hacked into my gmail and messenger and my phone for the whole first 6 months we were together, even the two we dated. Just a dumb, childish move on my part. I was heartbroken over the Russian and scared I’d never have a family again. I knew it was dumb when I did it. I’m not mad at the 2nd wife, she’s not mad at me. But she was pretty much using me. Never paid or helped pay a single bill. I paid for her bankruptcy attorney even. Now you know all my ****.....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Openminded said:


> Something changed your mind about first being done with her and now you’re thinking you might still date her. But she’s been warned so when she gets hurt, as she very likely will, that’s on her for chasing after you.
> 
> As for the Russian, you were the only one who didn’t see her for the controlling * that she was. That’s because while we were thinking with our brains, you were thinking with your heart (or maybe some other body part). She was a disaster waiting to happen (and she may not be though yet).


Yes, I have no excuse other than she was some kinda wonderful before the controlling things got out of hand. And it was too late. She had hooked me in the gills. I swallowed the whole bait.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I hereby proclaim you can’t use this info against me Blondilocks.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> She was after the siren.
> she bought a sports car on her lunch break without ever discussing it with me, put over 40k miles on it in less than a year (home 9-10pm every night), I then found out she had 160k of debt with no assets or equity of any kind. So irresponsible with money, immature, and angry a lot over a text I sent to chuck71– but it was wrong in my part. He asked about the Russian and I told him. She had hacked into my gmail and messenger and my phone for the whole first 6 months we were together, even the two we dated. Just a dumb, childish move on my part. I was heartbroken over the Russian and scared I’d never have a family again. I knew it was dumb when I did it. I’m not mad at the 2nd wife, she’s not mad at me. But she was pretty much using me. Never paid or helped pay a single bill. I paid for her bankruptcy attorney even. Now you know all my ****.....


Apparently a rebound from the drama of Dr. Crazy. And, IIRC, no one here thought you should marry her. Maybe you should relax for awhile.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’ve had two women in my life that didn’t start getting worse and worse once they knew I loved them. Like a fool, I didn’t marry either one.


I don't blame you for gravitating toward the more difficult and feisty women. Nothing foolish about that. They're way more exciting.

Don't think telling them you love them is the root cause of misbehavior though. It's possible to fulfill that need and still keep strong boundaries. To let yourself love her but not allow your feelings to turn you into a doormat.

Can take a lot of time, a lot of self analysis and some pain (as you know) but it's worth it at the end of the day. I wouldn't trade the feisty brunette I've got at home for anything.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

A **** test is always followed by another and then she’ll want you to attend counseling with her.
Even though you’re just dating. High schoolish.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

It wasn’t a big Thing for me. I’ve put it behind me. I’ve been dating women that are both talented and beautiful for the past few years. It’s going to take a woman who really flips my lid to make me want to be in a long term thing again. Being single in one’s middle age is not necessarily a bad thing. But I don’t want to choose poorly this time. 
Beautiful and talented is REALLY hard to let go of though. I have no idea why I have opportunities at some of these ladies. Money? Nope. Looks? Nope. Personality? Not until you get to know me, so nope. I’m a very average guy. It’s hard to take a pass on women that dated the high school quarterback or richest most handsome guy in town on the past. This woman was married to a guy who lives in a mansion on a street named after him. It’s a weird thing.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I couldn’t help falling for the Russian. I don’t know if anyone could. She’s like a damn Siren.
> A man trap. *This woman isn’t like her at all.*


Have you been honest and told her THIS...? If she knew you had those feelings (or lack of feelings) about her, she might let go of you and move on more easily.


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> Have you been honest and told her THIS...? If she knew you had those feelings (or lack of feelings) about her, she might let go of you and move on more easily.


I would not say that, kind of hurtful . even though we understand we are not perfect, but all women still think we are beautiful and unique in some way. She already got message he was not that into her


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I didn’t mean she was not like he at all in a bad way


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> I hereby proclaim you can’t use this info against me Blondilocks.


OK. Please explain why you married her without knowing that she didn't have any assets and was in debt. How long did you date her? Was she a rebound from the Siren? What did she do for a living?

If you haven't guessed, I'm trying to ascertain what draws you to certain women and why you overlook some serious issues. We're going to straighten you out if it kills you.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> OK. Please explain why you married her without knowing that she didn't have any assets and was in debt. How long did you date her? Was she a rebound from the Siren? What did she do for a living?
> 
> If you haven't guessed, I'm trying to ascertain what draws you to certain women and why you overlook some serious issues. We're going to straighten you out if it kills you.


Get it. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Only dated 2 months. Rebound from Russian. She told me she had debt from two cars, about 20k in student loans, and a little credit card debt. Stufent loans were being forgiven if she stayed at her job. She was an office manager fir a doctor. A decent job. 
Wound up she was totally irresponsible with money.


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