# Wife Cheated - what lies ahead



## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

Been married almost 12 years. We have 4 kids together. My wife married at 19 me at 24.

I caught her having an emotional affair last week with a 26 year old guy she met at a night club on a girls night out. He gave her his number and she followed up on it. It lasted 2 weeks. A week into it he kissed her goodnight as she was leaving from a friends house. 

The kiss freaked her out she tells me but the friendship continued. They texted 600+ times in this 2 weeks. 

The night she went clubbing and met him I became very jealous. I normally just fall asleep no problem. I even waited up for her to come home. When she arrived she was surprised to see up and I told her about how I was feeling. She told me I had nothing to worry, that she was married and I was her man... and so on.

I continued to feel an insecure tension mounting and a week later began looking around on her computer. I found a site she had signed up for 2 months earlier. She had posted 6 sexy pictures of herself... 1 bikini, a couple black dress, stuff like this. Guys would then rate her. While I really didnt get too worked up over this it just confirmed what I was feeling from her and showed me that she was having the need to get outside affirmation for herself. I confronted her about this, told her I didnt like it, asked her if anything was up. She got defensive about the site and then deleted her account. She also told me nothing was up again.

The next day I installed a keylogger on her computer and that night I found what I was looking for. Saw that she had changed her wireless account, email, and facebook account passwords to another guys name. Then I found one email from a guy with that name. 

I confronted her with much more pressure about the situation and she finally came clean. I asked her many, many details trying to put together a story. Some of it didnt seem to make sense but at least I knew something was up. She told me that they had only kissed and that they were only talking 2-3 times a week and maybe texting 2-3 times a day. 

We talked, I asked her to stop making contact with him immediately. Told her I wanted to start marriage counseling. And asked her to change the passwords.

The next day all of the passwords were changed back to the previous ones. Now I know all of her passwords but I never monitored anything that she did before this. I could get into all of the account except for the wireless account.

The next night I began to really be bothered by this and confronted her about it. She told me that she was telling the truth and that I didnt need to look and she would not give me the new password. I looked again and again on her laptop and then realized that she had changed the wireless one on a different computer. So I got on there, acting like I was ready to pull up the password (she didnt know what I could do) and then made a big deal that she was still talking to him. Sure enough, she was....

I really got upset this time and felt much more hurt. She kept saying that they were only talking about her and I and our marriage that it was no big deal. We talked all night, I took the next day off work and spent the entire day with her. This was also her birthday. That night I got a babysitter and we went out on a date.

The following evening we got another babysitter and went out again, but then my instinct started telling me something. I broke down emotionally on the way home in the car and she comforted me telling me that all was ok.

That night in bed I asked her why she had not changed the wireless account password back and she tried to tell me that she did. I lied to her and told her that I wouldnt be able to see the current activity anyway, that it would not be available until the next month anyway. So we went through the process and reset the password. When I logged in I was shocked to see that she had texted him the day before 5-6 times and he back to her as many. then realized that she did this the only time I was not with her the entire day, when I went out to get my hair cut. She again tried to tell me that he was just asking if everything was all right.

We talked a long time. She told me that she had lost the passion for me in our relationship. That the love was there but the fire was not. Wow!

I was very emotional and decided to wait a day or two or however long it took for me to settle down emotionally. Two days later told her that she would have to either give me a 6 month committment where we would try and fix this or that I was leaving. She was very indecisive and told me she didnt know. So I decided to leave. I was going to put the kids to bed that night and began sleeping somewhere else. 

All afternoon and evening she was a totally different person. Staring at me with puppy dog eyes and looking sad. That night the kids would not fall asleep until late. I was exhausted and ended up staying at the house. I slept in our bed. I was almost asleep and looked and she had been staring at me the whole time. She then asked me if she could give me a hug. The hug turned into the best sex ever, like our first 2 years of marriage. The past few years it was pretty lame most of the time.

The middle of the night she woke me up for more and again in the morning. 

She tells me that as soon as she realized what she was going to lose that something opened up in her. 



In the experience of everyone here. Is this somethign that is going to continue? Is my story something that happens and then has a happy ending? The dishonesty really bothered me but my wife has always had a problem with this. She is going to begin seeing a psychologist and we are both going to do marriage counseling as well.

I here the saying once a cheater always a cheater. Is this BS or does it hold a lot of truth. 

Just want advice thanks


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

...continued...

So here I am almost 1am. Been lying in bed tonight for over 3 hours and no chance of sleeping. My insecurities are running at an alltime high. I wonder if she is still cheating or going to cheat again. I wonder about her true feelings for me. Then I wonder if I have it in me to go through this very long. The anxiety of it all weighs almost too heavy. I see how the aftershocks of something like this can finish off a marriage.


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

from what you've posted, sex three times in one evening is unusual if not rare.

or maybe the first time that's happened.

your wife is manipulating you out of fear, or guilt, or probably a little of both.

she is afraid to lose what she has, she feels guilty about what she's done, oh my she's confused.

think back to your wedding day.

ask yourself if her behaviour is tolerable based on the vows you both took that day.

there's no need to snoop any further, you know your wife has broken trust.

the question is, will you tolerate her betrayal 

or not.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

She is motivated out of fear and guilt. Does this equate to her passion coming back? No

I can handle all of this and move on but my problem is I am insecure with the future. I dont know her true feelings for me. I dont know her true feelings from this past 2 week deal. Will there be more? 

My only option other than stay here and go through this is to move out and begin focusing on what she has done and squash the feelings for her out of me. 

I never imagined that this would be possible with us.


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## Calypso (May 11, 2009)

It took my H 3 months to totally end the A after I found out. It was like he was going through a mourning period. She may have realized what she was going to lose if you left. Things like that can be a real eye opener for some people. She may be trying to calm your fears or feels like she has to make sure you think it's over with the OM. I would still keep checking up on everything until you are comfortable know the A has stopped. It's been a little over a year and I still do little checks here and there. But my H has been a open book for me so that helps a lot. You need to decide if your marriage is worth saving. You two need to talk and keep the lines of communication open. I still have those feelings sometimes where I doubt my H loves me. But he tells me he's sorry everyday and that he loves me. So I tell myself he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to make it work and each day is a new day.


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

Cloud,

To expand on your post, she also may have been bedding the lover as husband made love that also is another read light of cheating spouse sign.

The excitement is the visuial images during intercourse.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

I am a few more days into this. What I hoped would be a little more peace and solace is just more insecurity, grief, and anxiety. I am insecure with her feelings towards me, even though she tells me she realized that she loves me I have a hard time believing this even though it is what I want to believe. I am insecure with the whole fact of her having an A with me. And I am insecure with trusting what she says about anything is true.

I still have difficulty falling asleep at night. I lay there going over scenarios that she told me in my head finding small inconsistencies.

Wife has told me two versions of this part of the story:

1)
"After I kissed him I felt extremely guilty and wanted to just come clean to you. I tried to figure out how I was going to tell you. I was driving me mad." FACT HERE is that her communications went way up after this.

2) 
She admitted to me that her feelings for this guy were stronger than what she let on. 


The whole A that she had with this guy lasted like 17 days.... unless the clock is still ticking. I am only 4 days on the other side of it right now. Being that it is so fresh, can I still trust my insecure feelings 100% or do I need to be careful with them seeing that they could be just aftershocks of all we went through.

I am going to buy a voice recorder today and leave it in my house. Her and friend are gonig to be doing a lot of cooking tonight together. This friend also went out with her the night it all started. I am certain that I will hear what I need to know by tonight. 

Is there a time that I should stop policing her and just trust her myself?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

jotabravo said:


> I am a few more days into this. What I hoped would be a little more peace and solace is just more insecurity, grief, and anxiety. I am insecure with her feelings towards me, even though she tells me she realized that she loves me I have a hard time believing this even though it is what I want to believe. I am insecure with the whole fact of her having an A with me. And I am insecure with trusting what she says about anything is true.


I have been in your shoes and could have written this myself 2 years ago when I was in your position. Just wanted you to know that what you are feeling is completely normal. The good news is that it does get better with time, for me probably about 18 months before I started to feel 'normal' again. It can be a slow process.

I think for most women, if they are not feeling passionate towards their spouse, and have stepped outside of the marriage (even if no sex occurred), passionate sex would probably not happen. It would be more likely that she would not want sex at all, ask you for space while she figures out what she wants. In your case, I would think she is sincere that she realized her feelings for you and what she almost lost by her actions of late.

I have to say you handled this situation really well and I'm glad she and you both are headed for some counseling. The frequent sex is likely more of a panic, realizing what she almost lost, and wanting to be close to you again...probably realized when she saw you break down and open up that she made some assumptions about your marriage and you that were wrong.

This was a critical time for my husband and I and I believe what helped us most was to really talk about the marriage prior to all of this hitting the fan (ie what was all this marriage stuff she was telling this guy...time to talk to you about it) and also about what you need from her to rebuild trust...no contact with this guy (other than to tell him she cannot contact him anymore)...open book on accounts, passwords, etc. 

Since you are early into the discovery, you may find she has not given you the whole truth...this is new to her too...at some point she will need to fully disclose the truth (your call on how detailed you need to hear it) It doesn't make the anxious feeling go away but it gives you a starting point to go forward.

We both acknowleded we needed to make changes to make our marriage stronger. We put it on the top of the priority list, started dating again and spending 'fun' time together as well as shifting our focus on what we were missing to how can we make the other happy. Our marriage is stronger than it's ever been.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

Thanks for the response. This is not easy by any means. I have always been a strong, stable person emotionally. The past week I have been a rollercoaster going from one extreme to the other throughout each day. 

2 hours ago I would have told you I was done... now I feel better about everything. 

So after a month will things begin to level off a bit?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I am confused. Is your goal to avoid a divorce or have a happy marriage? Those are very different goals. 

You say sex has mostly been lame for quite some time. Likely she would agree. She told you the passion was gone. Why would you agree to stay unless she agrees to be honest with you and work on that? If you stay in this low passion mode, she is almost certain to try to cheat again. 

This - now - is - your - chance - to - demand honesty. Get her to tell you what turns her on and off in and out of bed. You do the same. Don't for one second let her make you the fall guy for the loss of passion - that is a joint failure. For each thing she wants you to address, ask her to do something for you. If you act like she doesn't deserve you - she will love you less. If you insist that both of you fight to make the marriage truly passionate and happy then she will value it more. 


I think the biggest challenge you have is that your goals and hers are different. She wants passion and excitement, you want stability. I really do think you can find a middle ground if you both make the effort. But don't let her give you the typical bs line that you need to do the dishes more often. Don't get me wrong - that is a fine thing for you to do - but if you for one second think that is a passion changer - LMAO - please no. 







jotabravo said:


> Thanks for the response. This is not easy by any means. I have always been a strong, stable person emotionally. The past week I have been a rollercoaster going from one extreme to the other throughout each day.
> 
> 2 hours ago I would have told you I was done... now I feel better about everything.
> 
> So after a month will things begin to level off a bit?


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

I wish I could spice it up. I try, I try try try and to no avail. For the past couple years I point out to her the lack of motivation that she has. I ask her if there is anything that I could do for her or if there is anything that she wants to do. I ask if there is anything I do that she doesnt like. She always responds that I do everything right, there is nothing special that she wants to do, that she doesnt have fantasies and so on. 

I have given her long massages, oil, candles, music, scents, you name it and she doesnt get into it. Whenever it starts to get any little bit sexual she just stiffens up.

When we do have sex I initiate.... always. It usually isnt easy. I have to get her all rev'd up, pushing the right buttons etc. If I get her going it is great, otherwise, she is basically telling me to hurry up.

On a good month we have sex 2x a week on a bad month 2x a month. I would do it every day or every other day no problem but she would never be game for that. She always conveniently goes to sleep while I'm brushing my teeth or putting the kids to bed.

I am not overweight or stink or anything like this either. 


When we are alone and in public, a lot of times she is so tense, it feels to me like she is embarrassed to be out with me. She will always look around avoiding to look me in the eyes. She is afraid to connect with me afraid to get intimate emotionally.

Where do I go from here to break through all of this?

My wife is a very sexual women but not with me.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Have you tried being dominant/controlling in the bedroom. Many women will NOT ask for this - too shy - but love it. 

Taken In Hand

It is a possible way to make things work. Remember - NOW you have a short window where you can insist she try some things. If it were me I would tell her that we need to either try some seriously different things or just give up. 

The comment about how she acts in public was scary. Why is that? Is she way, way more attractive then you? Why would she act like that in public?







jotabravo said:


> I wish I could spice it up. I try, I try try try and to no avail. For the past couple years I point out to her the lack of motivation that she has. I ask her if there is anything that I could do for her or if there is anything that she wants to do. I ask if there is anything I do that she doesnt like. She always responds that I do everything right, there is nothing special that she wants to do, that she doesnt have fantasies and so on.
> 
> I have given her long massages, oil, candles, music, scents, you name it and she doesnt get into it. Whenever it starts to get any little bit sexual she just stiffens up.
> 
> ...


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

Mem,

I caught that also, if indeed your wife is a ten (literally), you may have aquired a snake covered with oil.

This is the woman, that vanity is #1 whether looks or money is the driver.

Please expand on this as it is very critical.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

That is a good question and one that I ask myself. In my eyes, no, we are evenly matched. I am in good shape, I have dated a lot of women. I am confident (or was). We are a good couple.

In her eyes is what matters here. I'm feeling like the grass may seem much greener.

I tend to be the one that takes care of the family. I always have been. I remind her of the kids doctors appts, the school activities, I do well over 50% of the cleaning here, and much more cooking than she does. I also work 50+ hours a week. 

She just stays home. She is a bit depressive, always has been. She is a kid emotionally, so many times it is easier to go around a problem with her than to dig into it. i.e. the kids make a mess in the kitchen that has obviously been there for hours. Instead of raising a fuss that will cause her to react immaturly, I just clean it and move on. 

I had a counselor tell me once that I am god in our relationship, how can anyone have passion for god?


The dominate stuff does not work either. She is uncomfortable with it. She is uncomfortable with me on an intimate level whether it be emotionally or physically. On rare ocassions she will pop out of this for a day or but then it will return. Example of this is less than a week ago I was leaving. She was SO affectionate, 2 nights of wonderful lovemaking. Then the sex goes away, then the affection goes away and we are back to the last 3 years.

Am I looking for cupid's arrow?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I think you at a critical point right now. If the passion was pretty intense a few days ago, she wanted to be with you sexually and was fearful of you leaving. However, it did not magically erase whatever is going through her mind to cause her to seek greener grass...it almost sounds like she goes right back to dwelling on whatever was bothering her with the marriage before...

she may also be thinking about the other guy, possibly still contacting him...would you be able to talk to her about him? She has admitted her feelings were stronger than she thought....she may need some help getting past that. Let her talk to the therapist if you can't have that conversation, but I think it will be important for you both to connect emotionally again...you both started to open up about how you were feeling and if after a few days you both go back to being distant, same old, same old, the marriage will be right where it was before all this, where she is questioning whether it's what she wants.

BTW it did get better after a month...it's hard to focus when you're not eating/sleeping normally and emotions are all over the place, but I do think it helps if you can talk and become closer again.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

"She is a kid emotionally, so many times it is easier to go around a problem with her than to dig into it. i.e. the kids make a mess in the kitchen that has obviously been there for hours. Instead of raising a fuss that will cause her to react immaturly, I just clean it and move on. "

That's a bad combination. You're perpetuating her being a kid. She needs to grow the heck up or you're going to go through a lot more problems over time.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

I feel that we are in the stage in between. We are past the last episode but not experiencing a healthy marriage yet. I dont think that there is anything there anymore between her and this guy. I also dont think that she has any deep feelings for him. I do think though that it did feel good for her.

We laid in bed this morning just talking, holding each other, and talking. She has a hard time understanding herself. She doesnt do a lot of self analysis nor can she step outside of herself and see herself objectively. So our conversations end up a little one sided. We are communicating better than we have in a long time though.

I believe that she wants to make this work, but like me is at a loss. 

Does this analogy work?

If I were overweight and over the course of 5 years let myself get that way, I cannot expect to be healthy again in a week. It would mean I would have to make changes to my lifestyle and work on it and then over TIME I would go back to my ideal weight. The situation we are in has to be like this. I dont think now that I can expect us to go through this and magically we both just feel better.

Tell me about passion in marriage. What are real expectations for this? Not talking about the honey moon phase either but over the long haul.


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

Secret keep it feisty, 29 yrs married here

When was the last time she sat on your lap at bar for a errrr aahh good time, when was the last time she went out with you provactively dressed, or watched a movie in the buff and so much more.

There is no book on the matter, just become kids in your head.

Tell me about passion in marriage. What are real expectations for this? Not talking about the honey moon phase either but over the long haul.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Good analogy...although it would be nice to turn a switch and feel better it just doesn't work that way. I am glad to hear you are cuddling and talking...just doing that will help and is much better than both of you keeping your thoughts bottled up.

What we changed in our marriage is basically to stop looking at what I wasn't getting or for him what he wasn't getting (we did initially talk about what we needed in our marriage that we felt was lacking) but then instead of keeping score to see whether he was doing this or that...I changed my focus to meeting his needs, making him happy. He did the same. The result is that we both felt loved, wanted, needed, attractive, etc. I look forward to seeing him when he comes home from work...we both smile more and I am more affectionate (he has always been that way) and we laugh together a lot more. We don't take what we have for granted.....we started date night once a week, sex life is more frequent and more open for new things and changing things up...and we keep our marriage in the forefront and are careful not to fall back into old patterns.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

"When was the last time she sat on your lap at bar for a errrr aahh good time, when was the last time she went out with you provactively dressed, or watched a movie in the buff and so much more."

It has been awhile. My wife seems to have a problem putting her into a position with me now where she may be vulnerable. She seems to have zero self confidence when it comes to me. 

Example: 
We were out at a club the other night, the new song by Shakira comes on and she starts dancing. My wife is latin and has it!! Watching her dancing was one of the sexiest things I have seen my wife do in years. I tell her about that at home and she just laughs it off, says she would never feel comfortable dancing just in front of me.... 

I have asked her to just let herself go, do and say what she feels. I want her to confide in me about herself, her insecurities... and so on. 

There are things that she will do on her own but not with me because I guess she does not feel comfortable acting this way with me. I am trying to figure out how to get her to just loosen up. I want her to feel that she can be uninhibited in front of me. She does not feel comfortable with that however. 

****************
On a positive note she came by my work today with the kids and we had lunch together. It was a great time. We have put too much focus on too many other things and forgot about 'us'.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

"I have asked her to just let herself go, do and say what she feels. I want her to confide in me about herself, her insecurities... and so on."

Do you share those things with her?


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

dobo, I always share these things with her. She does not feel comfortable with me. She has some image of what she is supposed to be as a wife or something yet it is a mold that she does not fit into. She tells me she is not that kind of woman.

This morning when we were talking she told me that she is not very adventurous... I had to remind her that have a 2 1/2 week EA with a guy is very adventurous and that we could also have that kind of adventure together.

Again... how does she unlock this feeling that she cannot do this or be like this around me?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

But she *is* that kind of a woman. Just not with you. Does she realize how that makes you feel?

I think she needs to get into therapy and work on this herself. It should be her posting here, not you. She's the one that needs to fix this mess.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

thanks dobo... and it make me feel like poo.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I don't see you as god in this relationship - i see you as the conflict avoidant guy. All women see conflict avoidant guys as weak - my guess is that latin women are especially this way. So when you avoid an argument - you are hurting the passion in your marriage. I am not suggesting that you should be combative. I am saying that you sit her down and make up a new schedule for house work since she is stay at home and you work a long week. You are getting totally jerked around here in the division of labor. 

Conflict is logical and forceful and dtermined. And hey if you are not willing to treat me fairly out of the bedroom and find some way to have passion inside the bedroom - then we need to end it. You don't need a counselor to tell you that she is just not that into you. But I think the reason she is like that is that you act as if you don't deserve her. 











jotabravo said:


> thanks dobo... and it make me feel like poo.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

I think that there is a little truth to what you are saying but it is not that black and white. We do have conflict but I also choose when to have these battles. She is a passive/aggressive person, a difficult personality to deal with. I have to choose when to have these battles and when to let stuff slide. I have learned to accept some things the way they are and some I have not. When we battle we battle, she is a hard cookie to break. 

This I dont consider weak on my side but there is some conflict avoidance.

As far as the cultural thing, yes, there is a difference. I am not latin though. I have lived in her country long enough to be able to emulate some of that but acting out the whole machissmo role would be me acting to be someone that I am not.

She does want to have the chase though, I am beginning to see this. Anytime I have talked about leaving or having a girlfriend, or anything along these lines, she perks up and the passion turns on. When I am comfortable with that, it seems to fade away. 

Do I have to play games for the rest of my marriage?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Yes - you do have to play games if you want a somewhat normal sex life. My guess is - you take your wife out once a week to a club - and let her see some other women flirt with you a bit - and that keeps it all nice and hot on an ongoing basis. As for you - I get that you are not into the whole macho thing - me either. But get a little jealous and possesive - and angry - if anyone is flriting with her when you go out. 

I am lucky I don't need to do this stuff - but if I did - I would. I love my wife and if this is what it took to keep her in love with me - I would do it. 








jotabravo said:


> I think that there is a little truth to what you are saying but it is not that black and white. We do have conflict but I also choose when to have these battles. She is a passive/aggressive person, a difficult personality to deal with. I have to choose when to have these battles and when to let stuff slide. I have learned to accept some things the way they are and some I have not. When we battle we battle, she is a hard cookie to break.
> 
> This I dont consider weak on my side but there is some conflict avoidance.
> 
> ...


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

I agree with you, it just seems so shallow. If that is what it takes to get the fire going I am game. 

Looking back when I was younger, I did look around. I was more aware of my surroundings (the women). As I got older, I was able to squash that out of me so to speak. I came to a realization one day that if I was able to focus all of the energy that I used chasing tail into something a little more positive that I'd be even more successful as a person. That is kind of the mind frame that got me here. I love my wife and am very content with her. I dont look around anymore and dont really care to, I like what I have (or had).

So... I will give her something to think about.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

Well, she is still contacting this guy... and a couple others as well. She gave me access to her phone records, but picked up a prepaid phone I'd guess.

I left a voice recorder at home and finally got her talking about it to a friend. 

My wife has decided that she wants to experience going out at night and not being committed anymore. 

My hope was to save the marriage but she stated in counseling yesterday that she does not want to do this anymore. I have given her a lot of space emotionally through this. Looking back I will be able to truly say that I have tried everything.



She is a loving mother but cannot handle any type of responsibility. She will not be able to consistently care for the children. She has a past history of consistently forgetting to give them medicine, getting them to school late (my 6 year old has 7-8 tardies this year), she does not cook (kids eat cereal and chocolate milk)... and so on.

I would never want to take the kids from her but I definitely want to keep them under my wing.

At the moment I have my poker face on. I am not going to do anything until I have a clear plan.

Any advice on divorcing?


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

so an update here. we are still together, in counseling, and she is giving it 100%. there is that intuition thing that i follow as well and we are trying to go forward.

so guys... is it possible to recover out of this? for her to get 'that feeling' back and for me to get through the pain? can we come out BETTER on the other side?


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Thats up to your power of forgiveness.


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

and is it possible for her to find these missing feelings? the love is there for sure, but the passion thing...


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

takes work.. She has to want too..


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Zero chance of success unless she totally breaks off all communication with other men. If she is focused on other guys then for sure she is not committed to you. It really is that simple. 








jotabravo said:


> and is it possible for her to find these missing feelings? the love is there for sure, but the passion thing...


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## jotabravo (Oct 20, 2009)

I believe that she is committed. We have turned a corner in this. It seems that it is much easier for her to move past the past than what it is for me. 

We are both trying hard. There has been more affection in the past two days that in the past year of our marriage. I think we have both realized what we have taken for granted in the past.

I am still on a roller coaster of emotions but I think I see at least a candle at the end of the tunnel.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Just reading your last post makes me believe you can move forward from this and have a stronger marriage than before. Realizing you both were at fault for taking your marriage for granted, you both are working on moving forward and committed to your marriage...just give yourself time...the feelings can be up and down for several months but as you become closer and fulfill each others needs the less you will focus on the past.


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