# Lost and No Longer Sure



## Unicornsfordays (Oct 3, 2021)

My wife and I have been together for over 4 years now and I’ve been struggling lately with her and her lack of motivation. We met at work and she loved working there. After about 6 months of working together I became a manager and started taking on new roles. Once we became an item I transferred stores and she continued to work. One day she tore her acl and between us and our job they quit working with us and she was forced to quit. So obviously I took on the role of bringing in money and supporting us. She began to spend most days at home and I was okay with it because I knew it was temporary... or so I thought. Over the next year I began working later and longer hours and I was fine with it because I love her and wanted her to be happy. After about 2 years her knee was getting much better but she still claimed she couldn’t work because of it and in the end I accepted that. So I ended up leaving that job for a better paying job and continued working for about a year. After that I knew I needed to get a job to help pay medical expenses and such so I joined the Marines. My wife’s lack of motivation is started to get old any time I’ve brought up getting a job or even an online job she constantly puts it off or lasts only a week or so with it. I’ve tried about everything I could think of to get her motivated or to at least try at something but it has been to no prevail. As time goes on I’m slowly losing interest in this whole ordeal but she has nowhere to turn. Her father is passed and her mother is a terrible woman who no longer interacts with us. Her brother lives in an apartment with his lady and she has limited friends who could even help her if we did split. She is basically and 80 year old living in the body of a 28 year old. She has many different issues as far as health goes like asthma autoimmune deficiency and an torn acl injury. I care for her deeply and want only the best for her but I feel like I’ve been putting in so much work with very little support for so long. I’ve only been in the Marines for a year now but I honestly don’t know how to go from here. With this life style I love being active and always doing things. The thought of being with someone that isn’t as motivated or productive as I am really isn’t ideal. I haven’t been asking for a lot just help with bills and debt but it just ends in the same way. She has depression and bipolar disorder so I’m not sure how well coinciding will help because she’s hates therapists and doesn’t like talking to them. I’m just lost on what to do at this point and need outside input. I guess I’m just here asking for advice as far as what I should do. I want to be happy again but I don’t want to just screw her over and dip. If anyone has advice about my situation it would mean a lot.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You can not help those who will not help themselves. She is a boat anchor on your life. Drop the dead weight and get on with your life. She will play the victim game until she is dead (for real).


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I don’t think it’s lack of motivation, leg injuries are pretty painful and debilitating and you mention a few other health issues, they don’t sound minor. It’s not easy for her, and she probably feels even worse given how you don’t show much concern now.

There’s the sickness and health thing, but if you’re in it for the long haul and resent her for it, it’s probably better to be truthful and tell her you want a healthy fit and working woman for a wife.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sounds like she has a classic case of depression. She had some bad luck, and although the knee has probably recovered, her mental state has not.
Is there any way you can get her to a psychologist for an evaluation?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You are clearly not a person to take your vows seriously, after all you knew about most of her health conditions before you married her, so you may as well bail out and let her find a decent guy who will love and accept her as she us and not as you want her to be.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think you need to sit her down and have a serious conversation with her and tell her that she has many health and mental conditions that need to be addressed and that the time to do that is now while she has the advantage of being able to take advantage of your military health care benefits. 

You need to tell her that you are not okay with her not working. Tell her that she needs to start addressing her mental health issues and any other health issues by taking advantage of the military healthcare system and go back to work if she wants the marriage to continue into the future. 

Reminder that she was a working marriage partner when you first got together. She can do some sort of work. I would be sure it gets her out of the house because staying home only feeds reclusivity and it sounds like she feeds on that.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

She's 28 not 58, unless she's not doing what she is supposed to her knee should be fine especially after over 2yrs. 

Does she even acknowledge the fact she's not contributing and you're working your arse off? Probably not, that tells everything you need to know. Just remember the longer you stay with her unemployed rump, the more expensive it will be to get rid of that dead weight.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Al_Bundy said:


> She's 28 not 58, unless she's not doing what she is supposed to her knee should be fine especially after over 2yrs.
> 
> Does she even acknowledge the fact she's not contributing and you're working your arse off? Probably not, that tells everything you need to know. Just remember the longer you stay with her unemployed rump, the more expensive it will be to get rid of that dead weight.


She does have other health conditions.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> You are clearly not a person to take your vows seriously, after all you knew about most of her health conditions before you married her, so you may as well bail out and let her find a decent guy who will love and accept her as she us and not as you want her to be.


That was pretty harsh. Marital vows are not meant to be a fall back to allow partners to check out and stop taking care of themselves. His wife is young and needs to acknowledge her do have consequences. She is choosing to live her life in a way that drains her partner. In fact, he doesn’t have a partner.

Auto immune diseases (which I have as well) and asthma are controllables. A torn ACL is not a life ending injury. I tore mine in college and was back to normal a year later. She has to want to live a full life. Otherwise she is robbing her spouse at a chance of a happy life as well.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Ugggg, you have a bpd wife and joined the military? Im sorry man. If she doesn't get help and a support system in place before you get deployed, it will be an absolute nightmare for her and you. My advice would be to run as fast as humanly possible.


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