# SAHM advise from men?



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Men - I'm curious what your wife does or doesn't do for you while she stays home with your kids that you wish she would do more or less of while you're out working? 
My H has a history of wrongdoings and I know some of it stems from lack of attention in the past. I want to devote my attention towards my family now that my H gave me the opportunity to be a SAHM... So I want to let him know I appreciate him. Is it as simple as extra sex, or does he want me to text him cutsie stuff throughout the day or wash clothes more or clean house more, etc? We have toddler twins so cleaning house is pretty much a job in and of itself, so if its that, he'll have a disgruntled wife.

lol.. I guess I want to know how to be a good SAHM to my H


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

My wife stayed home for 8 years and went back to work once our kids were in school all day. During the SAH days she did not have much adult interaction or conversation. It changed her attitude and perspective on things. She started to lose her ability to focus on the big picture and she would complain about trivial stuff. She also stopped taking care of herself and put "sexy" on the back burner. I realize its hard to take care of babies but the damage was done to our relationship regardless. I would reccommend that you make an extra effort to make time to take care of yourself. I think its also important to realize that your husband married the person you were before children were your priority. Get out and be with other adults on a regular basis as well. It will make you more interesting in the evenings. 

Peace


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife manages vast real estate holdings in a place called Farmville.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

For me one thing is coming home and not having my feet stick the kitchen floor and 3 backpacks dumped on the kitchen table with dishes on the counter and in the sink. I'm gone from 24 to 36 hours at a time for my job and honestly I don't care what the rest of the house looks like but we enter the house through the kitchen and it's the first thing I see after being gone for so long.

Now sometimes it's going to be that way and that's ok just not all the time. I know it's tough, plus I get home mid afternoon, the height of insanity in a house with 3 kids. Funny my wife didn't realize how important this was to me until just recently. I never said anything because(how do you say that to your wife:scratchhead:?). I would just suck it up and many times just start cleaning the kitchen as soon as I walked through the door.

Our communication is tons better now, and I think she understands how I feel. Sometimes it's a mess when I get home, that's life. However the days I walk through the door to a clean kitchen it's nice and my stress level goes way down. Maybe I'm just nuts, but in the big scheme of things the 20 min she took to straighten up made my day.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Enginerd said:


> My wife stayed home for 8 years and went back to work once our kids were in school all day. During the SAH days she did not have much adult interaction or conversation. It changed her attitude and perspective on things. She started to lose her ability to focus on the big picture and she would complain about trivial stuff. She also stopped taking care of herself and put "sexy" on the back burner. I realize its hard to take care of babies but the damage was done to our relationship regardless. I would reccommend that you make an extra effort to make time to take care of yourself. I think its also important to realize that your husband married the person you were before children were your priority. Get out and be with other adults on a regular basis as well. It will make you more interesting in the evenings.
> 
> Peace


Thanks! I do try to be dolled up by the time he gets home, but I fear I'm turning into the hippie chick he's only partially seen in our six short years together  Getting out around other adults? lol.. other adults don't like two toddlers.. we haven't had friends since they were born! I know what you mean though


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

On top of everything else, she does find time to manage her vast kingdom on Castleville.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

This is a question you should pose to Mr. Cherry


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Totally agree with Toffer. No kids, but when we decided W would stay home 3 days a weeks there were certain expectations, that was the reason she was staying home.

I appreciate it when she is happy and not mopey (her issues) and greets me with a smile and a kiss. Maybe a little over simplified but not much, or me at least.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Another vote for ask Mr. Cherry. As a sahm what MY husband wants is for the kids to be taken care of and for me to be happy (I struggle with being mopey too). As long as I greet him with a smile and a kiss he's content.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

One thing I despised was when I'd walk in the door from working all day, I'd be assaulted by my kids AND my wife with questions and requests. Men need time to wind-down.

Would've been nice to just hear "Welcome home" and "Go change and I'll pour you a drink" or something. Just once even.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

BeachGuy said:


> One thing I despised was when I'd walk in the door from working all day, I'd be assaulted by my kids AND my wife with questions and requests. Men need time to wind-down.
> 
> Would've been nice to just hear "Welcome home" and "Go change and I'll pour you a drink" or something. Just once even.


I also could not stand the "Open the door and get assaulted" routine. I had to ask for a 30 minute buffer to decompress from work. Corporate life plus traffic can make a guy a bit tense.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

I would like her to take more time for herself. Sometimes things in your life get overlooked when you are so busy and distracted you have no time to think and ponder on issues, especially marital issues.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Two things: 1) What's his love language (5 lang of love) - focus on that.
2) We have twins too and DW is SAHM. 1st thing she wanted to do when I got home was take a break. Which meant, after a long day and bad commute, the 1st thing I had to deal with were 2 rug rats. I completely understand the urge (and need) for that break, but at least let him decompress before saying "Your turn!!!"


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> One thing I despised was when I'd walk in the door from working all day, I'd be assaulted by my kids AND my wife with questions and requests. Men need time to wind-down.
> 
> Would've been nice to just hear "Welcome home" and "Go change and I'll pour you a drink" or something. Just once even.


My exW was a stay at home mom while I worked 13 hours per day 6 days per week to provide that for my family (in a job I despised no less)

1. Don't ever let your husband walk in the door and do the "oh great your home, here's the baby, I'm going out"
2. Aside from that I think it's really simple, this is what would take care of me
a. Every once in a while (maybe once a week) don't greet him in sweats and a T-shirt EVERY day. Once a week showing him you got dolled up for him will definitely make him feel appreciated (and you'll also feel sexy because you will get a positive response)
b. Have the VERY basics covered. You don't need to have a hot meal on the table every day when he gets home, the house doesn't need to be 100% spotless. Just show you put some effort into it. 
c. Do random "special" things for him. A back rub one week, a foot massage (yes guys like em too), even better than foot massage...forearm and hand massage (ladies do this for your men...trust me), that greeting at the door with getting changed and I'll get you a drink statement, that's a great one, and give him 10-20 minutes to just decompress.
d. Yeah, extra sex is probably the big one, especially if you say something along the lines of how you find him being "the hunter gatherer" REALLY SEXY. That one statement will have him feeling good and proud for weeks.

These aren't things you need to do EVERYDAY, but if you do some every once in a while. Your husband will feel like a million dollars and work harder to keep you in a good life.

PS More important than this list is to talk to your husband. Frankly him knowing that you do actively recognize how you appreciate him and what he does could be enough in and of itself.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Mavash said*: Another vote for ask Mr. Cherry. As a sahm what MY husband wants is for the kids to be taken care of and for me to be happy (I struggle with being mopey too). As long as I greet him with a smile and a kiss he's content


 My husband would say the same thing.

In our past, I always had a bunch of projects swirling in my head, how to improve the yard, work on this room, bla bla bla.. If only I would have spent more time trying to tickle his willie instead of those stupid projects I had floating in my brain. Kids never slowed us down and my husband is likely a better dad than I am a Mom, he loves them gathering around him --if they start to fight, I scatter them out of the area. 

He also doesn't seem to need to wind down after work, so long as a  was on my face, his world was grand. I think most men need more than him!! 

Keep the house clean, don't complain about the kids & what you need when he walks through the door, have a good cooked meal ready to serve -or in the oven -with a smile, offer to get him a drink. Listen to his day -if he is wanting to talk. And never forget a little flirting -to show you are thinking about later.









I've always been a SAHM (with some small side jobs)... how I handle it is .... I do everything possible while he is at work, so when he hits that door, there is nothing else that needs done... this gives US more time for ourselves, relaxing, or if he has a project... then I will be able to give him a hand with it. Or we can just hang with the kids, play a game, go get ice cream.... I like the nights to be "open" in case something comes up.


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## Kimberley17 (Oct 10, 2011)

Is this the 1950's??? Gees, I know the original question was what she can do to make her husband happy but most of you guys are talking how steessfull it is for you to be at work all day. Try staying home with kids and trying to get stuff done around the house as well. That's pretty stressfull too especially when the kids are little.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Kimberley17 said:


> Is this the 1950's??? Gees, I know the original question was what she can do to make her husband happy but most of you guys are talking how steessfull it is for you to be at work all day. Try staying home with kids and trying to get stuff done around the house as well. That's pretty stressfull too especially when the kids are little.


Noone is saying it's not stressful to take care of the kids at home. I'm someone who believes in a full 50/50 split. As in the working partner is no more or less important than the stay at home partner. Both are critical in what they're doing.

When I was married to a SAHM, I would ROUTINELY spend the weekends taking care of 2 little ones while she went off for hours on end. I would have swapped roles in a HEARTBEAT!! Caring for my kids, taking care of my house, showing my love for my partner through little acts are 100000 times more rewarding than my job. They're both equally stressful, but the reward of raising your child takes a lot of that stress away in my opinion.

I'm not going to say that staying home is more stressful and I'm also not going to say working is more stressful. They both are in their own ways. The OP asked what she could do for her husband. That's what we're answering. I applaud her for recognizing the positives that she is being given by her husband working and allowing her to be with her children and focusing there. Many women (and men to a much lesser degree) develop a lot of resentment about being a SAHS. They think they're demeaned and unappreciated. More times than not though, that's not realistic. As long as the nonSAHS comes home and then the house and the kids are equally dealt with and assuming the SAHS did spend their day tending kids and house. Then there shouldn't be any negativity.


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

The Good Housewife
The following is excerpted from an actual 1950's high school Home Economics textbook:


ADVANCE: How to be a Good Wife
HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal--on time. This is a way to let him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned with his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home, and having a good meal ready is part of the warm welcome that is needed.


PREPARE YOURSELF: Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Greet him with a smile.


CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip though the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up children's books and toys, papers, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you lift too.


PREPARE THE CHILDREN: If they are small, wash their hands and faces and comb their hair. They are his little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.


MINIMIZE ALL NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.


SOME "DO NOT'S": Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem compared to what he might have gone through that day.


MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down in the bedroom. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.


LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.


MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he doesn't take you to dinner or to other entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to unwind and relax.


THE GOAL: TO MAKE YOUR HOME A PLACE OF PEACE AND ORDER WHERE YOUR HUSBAND CAN RELAX IN BODY AND SPIRIT.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> My wife manages vast real estate holdings in a place called Farmville.


:rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I don't know what's funnier...

The list from the 1950's that VOR posted (hilarious BTW), or the fact that the men who've posted to this thread are suggesting some of the same things the list has.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Voiceofreason said:


> The Good Housewife
> The following is excerpted from an actual 1950's high school Home Economics textbook:
> 
> 
> ...


I'm glad I have a job. I would sooner chew off my right arm than be expected to do all that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm going to email my DW VOR's excerpt. If I don't post for 48 hours, please send out a search party & make sure they bring shovels.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> I don't know what's funnier...
> 
> The list from the 1950's that VOR posted (hilarious BTW), or the fact that the men who've posted to this thread are suggesting some of the same things the list has.


The big difference is the list from the 1950's suggests that the "MAN" gets to come home and be waited on by the lowly housewife who's his servant (the attitude of the 1950's article).

The difference is the attitude and insinuation of the 1950's article about position and importance in the relationship. My wife and I both work, do you know who cooks dinner, who's ever home first because that's fair. Who ever cooks, the other does the dishes. We both do the laundry. I usually do the machine part, she's usually folding (because she watches more TV than me so she does it while watching TV). I mow the lawn, do the garbage (clean the kitchen more often). She usually dusts more often, and I usually vacuum. I generally clean the shower and toilet and she cleans the sink in the bathroom. We have a routine that works for us where we both do our fair share and never feel like we're doing more than the other. We both spend time with the kids alone to give the other their "me-time" and we also do things as a family. We are truly 50/50 in attitude. Now if one of us was a SAHS, then it would be expected that they would do more of the housework and cooking etc. because that would be fair. If one spouse is working all day, the other shouldn't be spending their time "playing farmville or castleville" or whatever those games are because then they are taking away from both parties. That's being selfish. (within reason of course, there will always be a little "down time" at home and at the office, just saying).

Lets keep focused on the OP's question. Let's not debate the importance and value of a SAHM. I'll be the first to say the SAHM has the most important job in the world. It's one that should be held up on a pedestal but it's also one that needs to be done and taken EXTREMELY seriously. A hard working, caring, nurturing and teaching SAHM is hands down the greatest value in society. A lazy, sits the kid in front of the TV, plays FB all day SAHM is the most detrimental.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

D&H, you don't have to defend yourself. I totally understand the tone of the 1950's list. I just was chuckling to myself that it looked as if the modern day man still wants some of the things suggested in it. Tone aside. It's okay, it doesn't bother me one bit. My own husband who I may say is rather traditional and old fashioned to be almost hitting 40 (I'm slightly older) would LOVE some of the same stuff. 

Will he say it out loud??? Not if he likes living. LOL


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Kimberley17 said:


> Is this the 1950's??? Gees, I know the original question was what she can do to make her husband happy but most of you guys are talking how steessfull it is for you to be at work all day. Try staying home with kids and trying to get stuff done around the house as well. That's pretty stressfull too especially when the kids are little.


Well.. if it bugs you so much why not start a thread about it... we'd all join in no doubt.

*THIS* thread, as the title suggests, is for advice from *MEN* to *WIVES* about how to make their lives better.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

What modern day man wouldn't like the things on those list. I'd like it too if the roles were reversed. 

There was a time when I tried to do the things on the list and it drove me nuts. I never know WHEN my husband is coming home. It could be anywhere from 4 to oh the next morning (he's a cop). So this picture of having the house all cleaned, dinner cooked and the kids bored out of their mind waiting hours in a clean house for daddy to arrive doesn't make any sense. LOL

I had to let this perfect homemaker fantasy go.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

:lol::rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Advice for my wife: Look busy

So that I have an excuse to not nag!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I was only a SAHM for a brief period of time when in between jobs. But when I was, I put 110% effort into it.

I always cooked dinner and had it ready approx when he came home. I still do cook dinner every night (I enjoy cooking), but back then I would put on some pretty elaborate meals. And I would usually have something baking when he came in the door. (No wonder we both complain about weight!)

I didn't keep the house spotless, because like you its an impossible task, but I would have the major things clean. Dishes done, major spills wiped up, most toys put away. Usually I would try to have one room looking really nice at least.

I would always try to make sure his clothes were washed and put away. When I stayed home I used to iron all his work shirts and I know he really liked that. I haven't picked up an iron since returning to work. I must be really bad at ironing bc it always takes me for.ever.

I would make sure I took the time to ask him how his day was and let him do the talking first.

On good days the kids and I would do little projects for him, have them do a craft or help make something for him.

If I had to be a SAHM forever, I am sure I would have cut out a lot of that routine over time. I am glad to be worming!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Voiceofreason said:


> ADVANCE: How to be a Good Wife
> HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal--on time. This is a way to let him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned with his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home, and having a good meal ready is part of the warm welcome that is needed.


 I agree with this...Is my meals always delicious, probably not, not always 3 course either, sometimes it might be pancakes on the fly... we don't all sit down together either ...but It a "good" idea, I wouldn't down it. 



> PREPARE YOURSELF: Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Greet him with a smile.


 I don't need any resting up, I might be busting my butt to get our last load of clothes put away but I love hearing the kids say "Daddy's Home" - always puts a  on my face!



> CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip though the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up children's books and toys, papers, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you lift too.


 I am all for order, in fact, I am irritated when things are a disaster zone in my house, so forget him, I need to keep it tidy FOR ME and my own sanity. I have gotten a little more lax over the years with more kids though. 



> PREPARE THE CHILDREN: If they are small, wash their hands and faces and comb their hair. They are his little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.


 This one could be blown to the wind - they might be playing in dirt, have paint all over them - baby in underwear, sand in their shoes, Dad could care less, and I'm cool with it too -so long as we're still home, they can enjoy themselves & get clean before bed.... So long as they are healthy & not killing each other, we're good!



> MINIMIZE ALL NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.


 Keeping the childen quiet---this doesn't happen ... Dad is fine with it, the house is regular chaos, sometimes we have an extra 4 kids sleeping over.... he never knows who will be there when he gets home or who he may run into in a hallway. Grand central station here, Thank God my husband is laid back. I pretty much manage the chaos. 



> SOME "DO NOT'S": Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem compared to what he might have gone through that day.


 I agree with this. I feel he has a more difficult job than me. This seems to offend women when I say this -but I wouldn't want to change positions with my husband for anything. I love & appreciate my role. He never makes me feel "de-valued".... other's thoughts may at times....but never my husband. My husband would say what Dad&Hubby said here >>> "A hard working, caring, nurturing and teaching SAHM is hands down the greatest value in society". I know that is his







.



> MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down in the bedroom. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.


 I've asked him if he wants to get some sleep after working a # of times if I feel he could use it. I do try to make him comfortable, I greet him with a hug & a kiss, a grab & some flirting - that is just my way.







Always makes him very happy.  If he needs a soothing, I will put my arms around him sitting down , massage his back , something like that. He generally gets his own beer or water out of the fridge but I have on occasion. 

I've never taken off his shoes -he would look at me VERY Strange if I attempted that, ha ha. 

My voice whatever my mood, generally bubbly & sometimes boisterous - cause I am happy to see him. He wouldn't want it any other way, if I was too laid back, he might think I was sick or ignorning him. 



> LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.


 I always ask him how his day is BEFORE I go talkng about mine...so if he has something to unload & share, I am listening. THen he always asks how my day was, we have a very healthy give & take. 



> MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he doesn't take you to dinner or to other entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to unwind and relax.


 I am pretty much a Homebody so I don't expect too many lavish outings....no man would want to hear complaining of course, but if I suggested going out -he would JUMP to do whatever I wanted. Never an issue, he is wonderful that way. 



> THE GOAL: TO MAKE YOUR HOME A PLACE OF PEACE AND ORDER WHERE YOUR HUSBAND CAN RELAX IN BODY AND SPIRIT.


:iagree:

I must say, I really don't find anything (other than taking his shoes off & having the kids sparkly clean ) all that outrageous for advice. BUt it all makes sense for me, as I am admittedly Very old Fashioned, we both enjoy the Traditional set up, it works very well for our family of 8.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

I figured that I would answer this for my husband by describing what I do in a day. I am a SAHM. Also, I am currently writing. There tends not to be enough hours in the day for me.

My husband works til 1:30 am in the morning. He is, often, asleep for breakfast. I will get up in the morning, sit before the computer, have my coffee while I check TAM, facebook, twitter, and emails. I will respond to everything that needs responding to. Then, my day starts.

As I wait for my DD to wake up, I will start the laundry. For 3 people, we seem to go through laundry, quickly.

When she wakes up, I will make breakfast, either cereal (if my daughter wants that), French Toast (as a treat), eggs and bacon, ect. Lately, she has been on a pancake kick. 

I will clean. I run the vacuum every other day. My mother taught me to have a very clean house. I can't stand to have toys scattered, the rooms a mess. My husband.. unfortunately...is the complete opposite. 

After he comes home (early in the morning), I will met him in the kitchen. I will give him a hug and a kiss on his lips. I will ask how his day was, and I listen when he tells me. He has been stressed at work lately, and I provide myself as a sounding board to held him de-stress. There are times that he wants my opinion, but more often he wants someone who will listen.

Then, there is our intimate time. I will not deny him, and he doesn't deny me. 

Things I don't handle by myself:

Finances. However, I do know how much is in our accounts. He would rather handle the bills, ect. That's fine by me.
Yard Work. I have never cut the grass. He likes to do this. I do take care of my rosebushes and other flowers, however.
Cooking dinner. He likes to cook, and I will assist him in the kitchen. We like to bond over it. If he was working, I always save him a plate of what we had for dinner. I will heat it in the oven and make sure it is hot for when he walks in the door. 

Why am I doing this? He is allowing me to follow my dreams. He deserves my attention and so much more. He is a great dad and an awesome husband.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Now this is interesting... time to checklist wifey...

HAVE DINNER READY: Check... 90% of the time
PREPARE YOURSELF: Check... 50% of the time
CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Boow boow! Nope! 10% of the time
NO PROBLEMS/COMPLAINS: Check... 70% of the time
MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Check... 50% of the time
LISTEN TO HIM: Boow boow! Nope, 30% of the time
MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Boow boow! Nope, 30% of the time

The rest are not important for me, but that's just me. My little angel is always prepared by herself anyways.

Might print out this list, would most likely p-ss the missus off too lol. Well, she wants to continue to be a SAHM - so she'd better act the part well right? lol


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Mavash. said:


> Another vote for ask Mr. Cherry. As a sahm what MY husband wants is for the kids to be taken care of and for me to be happy (I struggle with being mopey too). As long as I greet him with a smile and a kiss he's content.


I have asked and that's what he tells me -- he wants me to be happy and enjoy my time with my kids.. and be the mommy I have always wanted to be.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

lol... Okay.. so reading through some of the responses, I'm not doing so hot. And as for cleaning, if we weren't having to randomly show our house (selling) it would be tough to keep things clean with the twins running around... I do get the kitchen though.. that's my pet peeve. And I won't dump the kids on him the minute he walks in the door.. oh I know how stressful it is.. I only worked a few minutes from their daycare center, and the days I would pick them up.. I almost would welcome traffic backed up. just 30 mins of some silence or relaxing music  lol. The good thing is right now he's getting home during their nap.. so we can chit chat about our days for a few before they get up.

The past four years have probably been the hardest years of my life. Some of you know my story (and have been a great source of support for me!).. I'm not gonna debate whether or not I'm expected to be Mrs. Ward Cleaver or if its easier/harder... IMHO and in my experience a full time working wife/mother of young children has THE hardest job ever . And I'm excited to take a break.. I hope a longgggg break. This whole SAHM thing is hard too.. but it's extremely rewarding and I am enjoying every single minute of it and I don't have to please anyone but my husband and children... So that's where I want my focus.. call it old fashioned if you'd like.. I like it. 

So I asked Mr. Cherry again based on some of your suggestions.. both agree on the kitchen and he says I don't need to doll myself up for him and that I'm naturally beautiful (.. he just wanted to get laid and he did ) and he did mention dinner. But he gets home too early right now.. something to keep in mind after the move.

(just wondering, how in the heck do SAHM play games on the computer? It took me an hour to come up with this one response with all the fussing and "mommy, mommy, mommy.." and getting things for them and finding a one inch tinkerbell somewhere in her bed or keeping them from eating leaves or hitting the dog in the face or pulling the cat by the tail or redecorating our window sills, etc... maybe I just can't multitask very well)


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Cherry said:


> I have asked and that's what he tells me -- he wants me to be happy and enjoy my time with my kids.. and be the mommy I have always wanted to be.


Trust what he says unless he gives you a reason to believe otherwise. I've been home for 9 years now and my husband has never wavered from this answer. He comes home and he's happy with me. He's an easy to please kinda guy. Watch their body language and pay attention to the comments.

So far the only thing my husband has ever even been mildly upset about is when I don't have something planned for dinner. This falls under making sure the kids are taken care of. For a while my priorities got way out of whack when I attracted a needy friend. She'd call all the time and the day would get away from me. I didn't ever realize I was being played and my husband never said a word until AFTER I made her go away.


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