# Terrified, I want my husband back



## MayaB (Mar 11, 2009)

I have been terrified to post this new thread for a few days becuase I makes it more real. I was blindsided by my husband 18 days ago, he informed me that he no longer loved me and was not happy for a while. It was all a suprice to me because our sex life was good, he was very affectionate and said he loved me. 
I must mention that I suffer from depresion and in the last couple months I was getting worst. I am sure that this triggered his dessision (so I felt like he kicked me when I was down).
He had agreed to try to save the marriage and go to counceling. On our first session 2 weeks ago, he told the therapyst that the marriage was broken and there was nothing to do to save it. After that we had a horrible fight, I slapped him and called him a coward. An excuse of a man. etc.
Since his mother was in town that weekend, she acted as a mediator and after we came down a little, we agreed not to do anything legal and to separate, she convince him that he should live because I had nowhere to go and have 2 children.
When I asked if I needed to get a job, if he will pay me child support, he said that nothing will change and we have been sharing checking account.
He has moved to a co-workers home, he is like a different person, I feel as he has some anger in him, almost like he hates me. While he is helping watching the kids while I go to individual therapy, he is not contacting the kids other wise.
I do not trust him anymore and I am afraid that he will proceed with a divorce with out telling me up front.
We moved to Houston in January because he got a job. I gave up my stable job, my health insurance, my new house to move here. Now I am scare to be left with nothing, if I get a job, my depression treatment, and other medical issues may not be covered by other insurance because being pre-existent.
I do not want a divorce, I would do anything to get him back. I love him with all my heart even though he is hurting me and my children so much.
We are not really speaking to each other, but now he is not even responding to emails (business like issues). I am terrified. Please help.


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## Runsalone (Dec 27, 2008)

MayaB said:


> After that we had a horrible fight, I slapped him and called him a coward. An excuse of a man. etc.


 What ever happened to cause that? If a person treated me like that that would be the end of that relationship on the spot. I dont hit people and Im not about to be struck by anyone.

You never said 'how' he is hurting you and your children (his children?) because of the recent admissions to you about his feelings?


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## Runsalone (Dec 27, 2008)

Ok. I read the other thread and im probably not the best one to be giving advise so its worth exactly what you paid for it.

Maybe its time to concentrate on yourself and the kids love. If he truely has lost his connection with you there is no way to MAKE that come back. It either is really gone or its lying dormant somewhere in him that he must rediscover for himself.

Seperation should help make that clear. We cant MAKE anybody love us . And , playing devils advocate just a little,...we cant MAKE ourselves love somebody else. If the fire really has died wouldnt you rather find out and deal with it than just force yourselves to stay in a relationship that isnt what it could be?

I really hope the best for you and your family I know its hard


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I've been through a long depression and never figured how it played into our marriage. I was suffering on my own and never understood how helpless my husband must have felt! I understand.

I'm no longer depressed but my husband wants to divorce. He felt he tried to save the marriage. I don't remember him trying???? Was I there?

Anyway. Help yourself during this time. Show him the best you possible. Work Work Work. I can't stress this enough. You will feel empowered and not hopeless. Work on your depression. Find a job (part time/full time) and build yourself time. Distract yourself.
Either way you'll feel better and your husband my find the new you attractive.

I've been there and understand.


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## LilMamaSlim (May 12, 2009)

Depression takes a toll on both of you, no matter what. More than anything, you need to worry about yourself and those children, let him worry about himself for a while. Even though its hard, everyday when you wake up remember that you have 2 small people who need you to be strong, that is what gets me through my days... Call friends, relatives, and go out. Visit people and get support from those who love you. It may not feel like it right now, but you will be ok, I know... I've been there too.


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## Lostman (May 23, 2009)

I feel the same as you, but want my wife back. Like LilMamaSlim said got to concentrate on your 2 kids. Thats what i do. Dont know what ill do when the wife comes and gets them in 2 weeks. That'll be another thread i'm sure. Just keep on hanging in there.


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