# Wife thinks i cheated



## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

An incident happened last night and my wife now thinks that I am having an affair or cheating on her with someone. I didn't and am not but I do not know what to do. I came home late and lied to her saying that I was with a friend she knew I was lying because she called him looking for me. I was with him earlier but then went off and did my own thing that I am pretty ashamed of and didn't want her to know about. when I finally said what i was doing she said that she did not believe me.
She made it pretty clear that she was angry, hurt and felt betrayed and my lack of emotional reaction didn't help things at all. I didn't cry or show any emotion really at all and I don't know why. I just asked her if she wanted me to spend the night at a friends house. My wife took this as a sign that I wanted things to end. I slept on the couch while she was in our room crying. This morning we did not talk really talk.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

I have some software you can install on your phone to help find out if you are cheating on her.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Okay, kidding aside. It would help if we know what you were doing. I am not sure what you were doing that you lied about that was so unbelievable that when you told her she still didn't believe it.

More details.

Also, have her post on here. This site is great at assisting people who have cheated, been cheated on, or wonder if they are being cheated on.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

I was pleasuring myself at work to a dvd my friend lent me.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

You have checked out of your marriage and she is sensing it. 

How do you truly feel about your marriage? 

It says alot to me that you were willing to go sleep at your friend's house rather than in bed with your wife. What is going on in your marriage?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

What were you doing and why couldn't you tell her about it instead of lying?

The pain of your lie will linger long after she comes around to belief that you are not having an affair with someone.

Your reaction has little to do with her pain right now. You need to open up, tell her anything she wants to know and apologize. Apologize early and often if you mean it.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Lying to a spouse about what you were doing while on a late night out alone is not an "incident". 

First you should not be doing anything that you would feel ashamed of if your wife found out.

Most cheaters use the exact SOP that you employed. Have a friend cover for you then lie about what actually happened. No wonder she thinks you are cheating.

If you want to stay married you have to tell her the entire truth.

No more nights out alone or with the guys. If she cannot go with you then you don't go.

If you both have iPhones then activate the "Find My Phone" App so she can see where you are when she feels the need.

Edit: Just read where you were. Are you obsessed with porn? How is your sex life with your wife? You may have deeper problems than a suspicious wife.


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

confusedhusbandandman said:


> I was pleasuring myself at work to a dvd my friend lent me.


Why do that at work? Also, why not seek her out? How's your sex life?


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## NelsonTrouble (Jan 5, 2013)

It seems that although you were not exchanging with another person that you were behaving in a way and reacting in the way of someone who has just cheated.

Maybe you unconciously want her to believe that you were cheating?

Maybe theres other things going on in the relationship that you need to really evaluate. 

Your reaction to her response from your explination seemed very distanced and not really remorseful over her feelings in the situation. Do you really care if she thinks you were cheating? Doesn't sound like it. 

This may be a good time for you both to really sit down and talk about what is or is not going on between the two of you.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

I realize what I did was wrong. I panicked and resorted to lying. I just didn't want her to see me as a person who does what I was doing.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Show her the DVD.
That might help as embarrassing as it is. 

I don't know anyone else that is driving around w/ porn on them so it would be a strong support for your case.

Tell her who you got it from. She can email him and ask if he lent you a DVD

I think that might also be embarrassing but you don't want her to leave you.

1 question and be honest. There are a lot of hardcore BS detectors 
here on TAM.

Have you ever cheated on her before? Be honest. We don't know you or her


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

confusedhusbandandman said:


> I was pleasuring myself at work to a dvd my friend lent me.


I would have a hard time believing that one too. If its true, why would you do something so dumb?


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

I don't know why I was not reacting with any emotion.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Aunt Ava said:


> I would have a hard time believing that one too. If its true, why would you do something so dumb?


Be cause he as a man. We will do really dumb things if it means we get to see breasts.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

I have never cheated on her. I don't know why I did it. I was planning on coming right home but when I got the DVD something just clicked in my brain and I went through this whole cycle.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

At this point she does not even want to look at me and I don't know what to do to fix it.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

'Pleasuring yourself' to a dvd couldn't have taken very long. How is it that your W thought you were so late that she was suspicious?


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

DevastatedDad said:


> Be cause he as a man. We will do really dumb things if it means we get to see breasts.


Hahaha. Seriously, at his work?


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

It was roughly an hour after I had been with my friend.


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

Aunt Ava said:


> Hahaha. Seriously, at his work?


Better than doing it in your car like a certain famous BB player did while driving.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

What do I do now?


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

Tell her to post here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your lack of emotion could simply have been your shutting down in self-protection mode.

So, just a few more related questions: Was the dvd a commercial one or a homemade one? Was the friend who gave it to you a man or a woman? If it was homemade, did it involve a person or people you know?


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Have you ever given her any reason to doubt you before? Is she usually this suspicious, does she keep close tabs on you? Has she been cheated on in the past? Is there any way to prove you were at work? Anyone see you there, or camera surveillance?


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

1. Give her a detailed timeline of events

2. show her cell phone. Perhaps you made phone calls to friends during the time you were MIA. "Why would I have made a 30 minute call to bob if I was having sex with someone)

3. You gotta connect her to your friend who can state "Yup he was with me until xyz"

4. Get the event log off your work computer (I can show you how) that shows that the computer at work was being used at x time

5. Do you have to badge into your work? Get someone to pull the badge records showing where you were.

6. Where were you and your friend? Anywhere you might have bought drinks / food? show her transactions on your debit card for that time period.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

If you do all those things and she is still suspicious she may be cheating on you.

More common than you might think


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

DevastatedDad said:


> 1. Give her a detailed timeline of events
> 
> 2. show her cell phone. Perhaps you made phone calls to friends during the time you were MIA. "Why would I have made a 30 minute call to bob if I was having sex with someone)
> 
> ...


If your work has camera surveillance you could show her you were alone. We monitor all the ways in and out of the building.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

It was commercial dvd that a male friend gave me. she has been cheated on in the past. Over the last few years our marriage has been on the rocks because we were distant from each other emotionally. we were making great strides through therapy that began this summer.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

She kept on saying that its obvious that I do not want our marriage to last because I was not fighting for it. This was in response of me showing no emotion.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

I think she should start a thread on here. 

I have been to hell and back (well not back yet) but posting on here along w/ my wife has helped us communicate at times and it has pulled me out of some dark places.

If you have a few months free, here is my giant crazy thread.
A few pages in, my wife joined and started posting. It has been really helpful

She Cheated I Hate My Life


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

confusedhusbandandman said:


> She kept on saying that its obvious that I do not want our marriage to last because I was not fighting for it. This was in response of me showing no emotion.


This is different. 
This is not good. It sounds like she may want out and this gives her an excuse. This doesn't sound like she is mad about the DVD or you lying this sounds like she is looking for reasons to pull away from you.

Take it w/ a grain of salt. I don't know either of you. I am speculating here.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

DevastatedDad said:


> This is different.
> This is not good. It sounds like she may want out and this gives her an excuse. This doesn't sound like she is mad about the DVD or you lying this sounds like she is looking for reasons to pull away from you.
> 
> Take it w/ a grain of salt. I don't know either of you. I am speculating here.


I don't think so- she seemed too devastated.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

So what about computer event logs. They will show you were on the computer during that time. That is kind of clear cut


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Again, it sounds to me like you shut down because you felt helpless to convince her. Cheaters lie and get angry and stand their ground & they are often very convincing.

You can't just retreat into silent mode at this point, though. You have to be there with her telling her that you are sorry that you shut down & now you will deal with her questions and feelings.

Tell her you will do anything she wants to prove that she can trust your word on this and anything else. Put yourself in her hands - she tells you what she needs, you do it.

Tell her now that you two need to talk, that you feel this is extremely serious & go from there.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Are you just curious what victims of infidelity _would believe_? 

Your story is not emotionally plausable.

Something else you want to add?


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Are you just curious what victims of infidelity _would believe_?
> 
> Your story is not emotionally plausable.
> 
> Something else you want to add?


Right there with ya


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Are you just curious what victims of infidelity _would believe_?
> 
> Your story is not emotionally plausable.
> 
> Something else you want to add?


What do you mean?


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

I don't know what you mean by emotionally plausible.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

I think he means that you are being very vague and he isnt sure that you really are genuine, rather someone who wants to find out what you can tell your wife to get away with it (in the event that you weren't at work spanking your monkey but were really cheating)


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

I kind of agree. 
Because like I mentioned. getting the computer event logs gets you off free and clear but you haven't addressed it.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

I have porn habits that I have hidden from her for quite some time. I do this because I am ashamed of what I look at and also I know she ultimately thinks of porn in a negative way. I really do not want her to know what type of porn I really look at because I think she would be disgusted with me as I am with myself oftentimes. I do not look at anything illegal it is mainly humiliating for those involved.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

confusedhusbandandman said:


> I have porn habits that I have hidden from her for quite some time. I do this because I am ashamed of what I look at and also I know she ultimately thinks of porn in a negative way. I really do not want her to know what type of porn I really look at because I think she would be disgusted with me as I am with myself oftentimes. I do not look at anything illegal it is mainly humiliating for those involved.


This a great time to come clean. (particularly if it is scat, WS, puke.)


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

2asdf2 said:


> This a great time to come clean. (particularly if it is scat, WS, puke.)


face slapping, mock forced scenarios and and on the opposite end of things extreme cuckolding.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Also, if you were in fact not cheating, then you can just go to any file on your computer that you accessed that evening. You must have checked your email, logged on to firefox, something.

See, I just watched this documentary on the Woman's Liberation movement and it shows I accessed it at 2:05 Oct 23rd. 










Why don't you just do this and show her you were at work?
Any file, doesn't have to be your S&M file.

The more you don't respond to this line of questioning, the more I think no files were accessed on your computer that evening because you weren't there.

This will get you off the hook. Unless...


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

It is a great documentary by the way. Amazing cinematography, And really highlights the power struggles women face in life. They wrestle with a lot of things and have to work together to achieve their goals while we men sit alone and watch them and achieve ours.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

confusedhusbandandman said:


> I don't know what you mean by emotionally plausible.


Your story. It's not emotionally plausable. It's incomplete, your hiding, outright lying about or omitting something. 

Your reaction to her and the event, along with the emotional context of what you are writing in this thread does not compute. 

Part of what I sensed could potentially be explained by the closet addiction to 'deviant' pornography you waited until now to disclose.

Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Hahahahahahaha!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

DevastatedDad said:


> It is a great documentary by the way. Amazing cinematography, And really highlights the power struggles women face in life. They wrestle with a lot of things and have to work together to achieve their goals while we men sit alone and watch them and achieve ours.


I'm a history buff myself.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

confusedhusbandandman said:


> I have porn habits that I have hidden from her for quite some time. I do this because I am ashamed of what I look at and also I know she ultimately thinks of porn in a negative way. I really do not want her to know what type of porn I really look at because I think she would be disgusted with me as I am with myself oftentimes. I do not look at anything illegal it is mainly humiliating for those involved.


There are armies of people who watch porn that they don't want to admit to. It's normal for the most part (let's not get into the kid stuff, etc.). You've already told your W that that's what you were doing, so that cat is out of the bag. You may not need to get into the details with her unless she wants them. If she does, you will have to tell the truth & maybe even show her the dvd.

Several people here are suggesting ways to essentially timestamp where you were, i.e., at work on the computer, to prove this to your W. Can you not do this?


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

mmmmmmm Army porn

Wait what?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

2asdf2 said:


> Be all you can be.


People, people......behave


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

DevastatedDad said:


> It is a great documentary by the way. Amazing cinematography, And really highlights the power struggles women face in life. They wrestle with a lot of things and have to work together to achieve their goals while we men sit alone and watch them and achieve ours.


I'm suddenly more in tune with their plight. "lesbian slumber party"? Is that anything like the "Tea party"? I'm no radical, but I'm always 'up' for a just cause.


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## ChangingMe (Oct 3, 2012)

DevastatedDad said:


> It is a great documentary by the way. Amazing cinematography, And really highlights the power struggles women face in life. They wrestle with a lot of things and have to work together to achieve their goals while we men sit alone and watch them and achieve ours.


 Smh . . .


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

if my husband got porn, went somewhere other than our home, lied about where he was, asked a friend to cover for him, id be pissed as hell, in a way you DID cheat, to a woman it means she isn't worth being involved in your deepest emotions, no matter how silly, freaky, lame it is, she coudn't be a part of something so personal. Even though it may have been harmless, you opened up pandora's box.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

okay high and mighty cm don't act like you haven't watched that 1 too
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Lonely&frustrated said:


> if my husband got porn, went somewhere other than our home, lied about where he was, asked a friend to cover for him, id be pissed as hell, in a way you DID cheat.


if this is true then that means all the times I ask cm for sex and she says I'm not in the mood just go watch a video and take care of yourself then we must be swingers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

i was simply stating what a women might feel, women are emotional beings, way more than i care to be at times. I dont watch porn, never have, never will.


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

DevastatedDad said:


> Lonely&frustrated said:
> 
> 
> > if my husband got porn, went somewhere other than our home, lied about where he was, asked a friend to cover for him, id be pissed as hell, in a way you DID cheat./QUOTE]
> ...


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

Dev you obviously didnt read the whole thing i posted, all you got out of it was that i am lying about watching porn? really?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Are you just curious what victims of infidelity _would believe_?
> 
> Your story is not emotionally plausable.
> 
> Something else you want to add?


Who goes out to hang with a friend, go *back* to work, then rub one out there?

Stop being emotionally distant with your chick and stop doing stupid sh1t at work.

You may as well kiss all your "me time" good by if you want to keep your old lady. Start coming home straight from work and kiss her @ss.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

the guy said:


> Who goes out to hang with a friend, go *back* to work, then rub one out there?
> 
> Stop being emotionally distant with your chick and stop doing stupid sh1t at work.
> 
> You may as well kiss all your "me time" good by if you want to keep your old lady. Start coming home straight from work and kiss her @ss.


Maybe he borrowed the porn DVD from that friend?


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

I know when I want to spank the monkey my work desk is the very first place I want to go. I mean, all those paper clips, pencils, ohhhhh, and the sharpener....ohhhhh I got to go!!!


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Lonely&frustrated said:


> Dev you obviously didnt read the whole thing i posted, all you got out of it was that i am lying about watching porn? really?


No. not at all, I was just being a smart ass. 
I look for opportunities to inject humorous statements and then I begin the injection process.

Personally I am glad you watch porn, I think that is good that you can open up and share that with us. A lot of women would not do that. I have a lot of respect for you.


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

I think it would be worse to get caught at work and lose his job than get caught by his wife in his bathroom.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

kenmoore14217 said:


> I know when I want to spank the monkey my work desk is the very first place I want to go. I mean, all those paper clips, pencils, ohhhhh, and the sharpener....ohhhhh I got to go!!!


I am right there with you. I used to do the same but one time I tore my sack on a staple remover.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

But how else was I going to get the staples out.


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## ChangingMe (Oct 3, 2012)

Lonely&frustrated said:


> Dev you obviously didnt read the whole thing i posted, all you got out of it was that i am lying about watching porn? really?


I think he was just stating that he believes it's a stretch to say that someone watching porn and masturbating without telling their wife is a bit of a stretch to say he cheated. 

I realize different couples have different views on pornography and masturbation, so perhaps there are people that feel that this would be the case. But there are also couples where this would not be that big of a deal. 

That being said, the OP's story doesn't really make sense or seem that plausible. It does seem like he was trying a story out on us to see if we'd buy it, and then try to convince his wife with it. Just my two cents.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

ChangingMe said:


> I think he was just stating that he believes it's a stretch to say that someone watching porn and masturbating without telling their wife is a bit of a stretch to say he cheated.
> 
> I realize different couples have different views on pornography and masturbation, so perhaps there are people that feel that this would be the case. But there are also couples where this would not be that big of a deal.
> 
> That being said, the OP's story doesn't really make sense or seem that plausible. It does seem like he was trying a story out on us to see if we'd buy it, and then try to convince his wife with it. Just my two cents.



I just masturbated to this post.


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## ChangingMe (Oct 3, 2012)

DevastatedDad said:


> okay high and mighty cm don't act like you haven't watched that 1 too
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course I have. I was just rolling my eyes because I would not have called the cinematography 'amazing.' It was decent at best!


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## cluelessme (Jan 29, 2013)

DevastatedDad said:


> Be cause he as a man. We will do really dumb things if it means we get to see breasts.


:iagree:

Men (and women) do stupid things sometimes. It should be something that two people, especially two people who love each other, can talk about.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

DevastatedDad said:


> I just masturbated to this post.


lulz....you and I could be friends in real life.

Oh sh!t! Did I just inadvertently join your cyber harem?

Dammit.

:allhail:


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## cluelessme (Jan 29, 2013)

TDSC60 said:


> No more nights out alone or with the guys. If she cannot go with you then you don't go.
> 
> If you both have iPhones then activate the "Find My Phone" App so she can see where you are when she feels the need.
> 
> Edit: Just read where you were. Are you obsessed with porn? How is your sex life with your wife? You may have deeper problems than a suspicious wife.


This sounds like an awful relationship. How long should he do this and when can he be off probation?


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## WaitForIt... (Jan 20, 2013)

Ok, back to the discussion at hand. The OP is hiding something. Be it from us or his wife, he is hiding something. Namely, the truth. To hide, sneak or lie about something from your spouse, especially something of a sexual nature, definitely after being confronted, IS a form of cheating. It cheats your beloved of ever knowing the real and true you. Come clean about everything. All of it, of your own volition. Even if you have to hide your face to say it. That is the only way you can rectify your situation because once you've lied, the trust is gone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

WaitForIt... said:


> Ok, back to the discussion at hand. * The OP is hiding something. Be it from us or his wife, he is hiding something.* Namely, the truth. To hide, sneak or lie about something from your spouse, especially something of a sexual nature, definitely after being confronted, IS a form of cheating. It cheats your beloved of ever knowing the real and true you. Come clean about everything. All of it, of your own volition. Even if you have to hide your face to say it. That is the only way you can rectify your situation because once you've lied, the trust is gone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is the problem, and I think it's a massive one. If he is indeed hiding something from us, a bunch of faceless, internet entities, I can only imagine what he's holding back from his wife.

None of this adds up one bit.


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## cluelessme (Jan 29, 2013)

WaitForIt... said:


> Ok, back to the discussion at hand. The OP is hiding something. Be it from us or his wife, he is hiding something. Namely, the truth. *To hide, sneak or lie about something from your spouse, especially something of a sexual nature, definitely after being confronted, IS a form of cheating. It cheats your beloved of ever knowing the real and true you. * Come clean about everything. All of it, of your own volition. Even if you have to hide your face to say it. That is the only way you can rectify your situation because once you've lied, the trust is gone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I disagree. If my wife lied to me and then told me what really happened and that she was too embarrassed to tell me earlier, I would understand. People make mistakes and lie sometimes. We all do it. I would try really hard to make her feel comfortable so she wouldn't feel like she has to hide embarrassing stuff from me in the future. Maybe she would feel comfortable next time or maybe not, but I don't see a point in beating her over the head with an embarrassing admission.

Of course if this is all a lie and if there was a bunch of cheating in the past and the trust was broken already, then all bets are off. I just have no way of knowing that.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

WaitForIt... said:


> Ok, back to the discussion at hand. The OP is hiding something. Be it from us or his wife, he is hiding something. Namely, the truth. To hide, sneak or lie about something from your spouse, especially something of a sexual nature, definitely after being confronted, IS a form of cheating. It cheats your beloved of ever knowing the real and true you. Come clean about everything. All of it, of your own volition. Even if you have to hide your face to say it. That is the only way you can rectify your situation because once you've lied, the trust is gone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





3putt said:


> This is the problem, and I think it's a massive one. If he is indeed hiding something from us, a bunch of faceless, internet entities, I can only imagine what he's holding back from his wife.
> 
> None of this adds up one bit.



I agree. He may be hiding the actual contents of the DVD or maybe he's not being forthcoming about who he was with while "pleasuring himself". Or was it a homemade DVD and he was one of the players?


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Who faps at work? If you feel so compelled to go back to work after hanging out with a buddy so you can rub one out, (and risk losing your job in the process) then you have a problem with porn. Still, I agree with others that there is more to the story than what he's told us and he hasn't been back to answer to the other questions.


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## mupostori (May 20, 2012)

OP you are a naughty man


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

Ok everbody I think that i need to provide some background and give an update.
I have been with my wife for the past 18 years. We have 2 children from her previous marriage that we raised are now in college. Our marriage over the last few years has been pretty bad. No sex or real communication between us but in spite of that we bought a house 3 years ago and she pursed her BA. Last august things finally came to a head and we started to go to marriage counseling. Things started to get better except for one thing. I was hiding a pretty intense porn addiction that I’ve had since before we were married. She found out about it by catching me in a lie. We went to an emergency MC session where I opened up about this compulsion. during the MC session that and afterwards she stated that I have never loved her. That the lying makes me somebody that she didn’t think I was. She has told me she hates me and that I am scum and she wont tell me if she still loves me when I ask. She feels that its not a real addiction and that I am just trying to be absolved. I am not. I hid it because I was ashamed of myself and what I was doing but I really couldn’t stop. 
All week she has been avoiding me by coming home very late from work and sleeping in a separate room. 
My question is this: Is this something that can be fixed? She won’t give me an answer to this. I’m willing and want to go to council to get a handle on this but if she does not believe it is a real addiction will that comfort her? 
Where do I go from here?


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

I still think the first step is getting the file dates on your work computer so you can prove to her you are not having an affair. 

Then you need to figure out the porn issues.


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## confusedhusbandandman (Jan 29, 2013)

DevastatedDad said:


> I still think the first step is getting the file dates on your work computer so you can prove to her you are not having an affair.
> 
> Then you need to figure out the porn issues.


That is not the issue.


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## DevastatedDad (Oct 2, 2012)

Ok maybe I was mistaken I thought she believed you were cheating on her.

My bad.


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## NelsonTrouble (Jan 5, 2013)

I think counseling for you is a solid first start. Maybe just maybe if you start to address your problem with porn openly and genuinely and she sees that you are trying to fix whatever the core issue is with it she will start to trust you or the beginnings of building respect again. 

I would continue to try to do MC as well, showing her that you are really still invested in her and your relationship together is important if you really want to move forward from where you are.


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