# My husbands best friend, isn't me.



## yisraela

My husband is 40, his BF is almost 50. I am 55 and not sure on what to do. Husband started a job almost two years ago and one of the guys in the shop has been a serious issue in our marriage. This friend isn't married, still lives with his mom and dad and quite frankly is a real unintelligent sort. I can't stand him because of the immaturity level he displays. On this past New Years Eve, husband, son and me were supposed to go out to dinner, like we have done every year. Oh no, husband stayed and had a few drinks with the BF, to the point that the BF had to be taken home due to excessive drinking, husband felt obligated, and practically had to tuck him in bed. Remember, BF is almost 50, lives at home with mommy and daddy still. Of course my husband thinks this guy is the funniest and best friend he has ever had. Husband gets off work at 6pm and walks through the door at 8:30 or 9pm every night. He says he is hanging out with his friends at the shop. Husband is a recovering alcololic and drug user. He has been on the straight track in the 15 years of our marriage. We have a 14 year old son together and this is another worry due to husbands behavior. Anyway, if I say anything, I'm the bad guy. Husband really knows how to manipulate a conversation, expert! Of course after 15 years of the manipulating part, this goes perfectly with his new best friend. Another thing that really upsets me is my husband also recovered from Colon Cancer in 2009, 2010 was his last chemo treatment. So with this and the fact that he stopped taking care of himself, smokes again, drinking every night with these so called friends makes me feel that every thing I have done to save this marriage was in vain, and makes me question how much more is it going to take for husband to wake up. I stated that these friends are not your friends, that they are aware that husband is married, had cancer, had alcohol problems, had drug problems in the past. Husband and me use to go hiking every weekend together, to the movies, simple things that were fun. Now, he is too tired on the weekends because of his after work partying that he sits on the couch and plays video games all weekend long. He stopped going to Mass with us and just has kept son and me at a strange distance. Husband told me a few months back "Your not the girl I married" I said back "thank God for that. I grew up. He seems to like a lower element of people to hang out with. I just keep thinking that I need to be prepared for what may happen due to his lack of care for his health. I do everything from house work, grocery shopping, lawn care (we have an acre of land) bills, care of son on all aspects, just about everything. Any input is appreciated.


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## yisraela

That's interesting. My husband while he was recovering, read all those books. I still don't know what the connection could be. I don't barrage him with tons of questions. I am to the point where I think, "it is what it is attitude". I simply can't compete with BF. Although I do think you hit it by stating this is an outlet, and reverting back to his younger days is what is going on. It is the most aggravating thing I have had to experience yet. I am just tired of feeling like this. However, maybe someday, he will see that his son is the one who suffered most. He is going to be 15 next month.


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