# Is it an EA? Please help!!



## Hawaiigirl (Oct 19, 2011)

I don't know if it is or not. My dh and I have been married for 21 yrs. and in the last yr. my husband met a girl when getting a massage. They are both massage therapists and for awhile were trading massages. He told me about everything and always has. A couple mths ago I got jealous and furious and told him he had to stop texting her and doing massages with her at her office and he did for 2 mths. During those 2 mths. he was distant and cold to me and did nothing but come home from work and sulk all night and we hardly talked and certainly I had to beg for any intimacy. We go to church every wk, we are a close family with our sons too until this girl came into the picture things just haven't been the same. He texts her all day at work and then he comes home and tells me about all the fun conversations he's had with her. Granted I'm glad he's telling me but I still can't get over the fact that he's even talking to her. I've read their texts and their never inappropriate or intimate, in fact their texts are sometimes really boring so I don't know why he wants to talk to her. Plus the fact she is 13 yrs. younger than him and we have grown children. We get in fights almost daily over her and I'm so tired. Is this an EA even though he's telling me everything (at least I hope he is!) am I just being paranoid or can men really have a female friend that they text and have it be harmless? He texts me too throughout the day but not quite as much as her. I just don't like it but is it reality?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

>>the fact she is 13 yrs. younger than him<<

And you wonder why he wants to talk to her?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

During my EA, I behaved in a similar manner with regards to coming home and sulking, and being distant. I was doing this because my EA time was just reduced as compared to when I was at work where I could spend lots of time on the EA. So I was missing the OW, and frustrated that I had to come home to reality. I wanted the fantasy over the reality.

He needs to stop all contact with her if at all possible. The fact that they work together is going to be a problem. He will have to find a job elsewhere.

You both need to talk to each other about what you want and expect from your marriage. Then decide if you want to fix it, or divorce. Stop wasting time arguing over her. She could care less. She's winning right now, while both of you lose.


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## Hawaiigirl (Oct 19, 2011)

I guess I should have been more clear. They do not work together. My husband owns his own business and does massage on the side and uses her office to do trades with her. They text daily and sometimes she'll use find an excuse to stop by his shop and have him look at her car or something and my dh says her son is always with her when she comes by. She's only done that a couple of times. I am not willing to throw away 21 yrs with my dh because of her! Right now I am just dealing with it and trying to accept it. My husband just yesterday said he bought us tickets to go to a dinner theater with her and her husband so we can all be friends. Is this weird and is this a way for him to make me think nothing is going on? Yesterday we were fighting over something else and he tried to say I can't be the boss of him anymore and tell him what he can and can't do or he'll leave me. He told me he hasn't cheated on me and never has, he just gets lonly working by himself and sometimes likes to text her cause she'll laugh at his jokes and thats all. My husband and I have a long history together and if it means I have to put up with him being friends with her and learn how to deal with my jealousy then I guess thats what I'll have to do. What I really want to know, is can this work long term? Does anyone here have opposite sex friends they text daily and still maintain a healthy strong relationship with their spouse?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Why do married people who have opposite sex 'friends' always accuse their spouses of jealousy? It's only natural! Do I want my H texting other women? NO! Seriously, I wish they would just stay SINGLE if that's the way they want to behave.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

My EA started with us being friends first.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hawaiigirl said:


> I guess I should have been more clear. They do not work together. My husband owns his own business and does massage on the side and uses her office to do trades with her. They text daily and sometimes she'll use find an excuse to stop by his shop and have him look at her car or something and my dh says her son is always with her when she comes by. She's only done that a couple of times. I am not willing to throw away 21 yrs with my dh because of her! Right now I am just dealing with it and trying to accept it. My husband just yesterday said he bought us tickets to go to a dinner theater with her and her husband so we can all be friends. Is this weird and is this a way for him to make me think nothing is going on? Yesterday we were fighting over something else and he tried to say I can't be the boss of him anymore and tell him what he can and can't do or he'll leave me. *He told me he hasn't cheated on me and never has, he just gets lonly working by himself and sometimes likes to text her cause she'll laugh at his jokes and thats all.* My husband and I have a long history together and if it means I have to put up with him being friends with her and learn how to deal with my jealousy then I guess thats what I'll have to do. *What I really want to know, is can this work long term? Does anyone here have opposite sex friends they text daily and still maintain a healthy strong relationship with their spouse?*


Well, I'm not much of a believer in opposite sex friends. Co-workers during office hours are one thing. Personal texts, inside or outside of office hours, that are not related to work are a big no-no in my book.

If your husband is getting lonely and wants to text someone, it should be you. Not her. 

I think it is an EA. He has an emotional interest in her - "she'll laugh at his jokes" - she makes him feel good, and that is not good. You should be the one that makes him feel good.

I wouldn't tolerate this kind of behavior from my husband.

You need to talk with your husband about what your boundaries are regarding his behavior and work toward ways that you can both get an emotional connection back. Because, many times, there can be a progression from something that is seemingly so simple and innocent to something that is not, and sometimes that progression can happen rapidly.

Don't sit back and just go with the flow. Fight for your husband and your marriage.

God Bless.


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