# Take the Poll - What is the ideal length of a relationship, realistically?



## OrangeCrush1 (Oct 31, 2013)

Knowing how you are, and how people work in the real world, what to you is the ideal length for a relationship? 

I don't mean the ideal length in a Disney fairytale, but in real life in the real world in 2014.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Of course it's the rest of our lives.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Ideally it would be till they both reach orgasm but humans are suckers and want to repeat good things until they fade.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Do you want ideal or do you want realistic? No wait, this was just a brain tease wasn't it...

What's the ideal length of a piece of string, realistically?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

as long as both are happy.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Is this another size thread? 8 inches. It's not? Oh, sorry. 

Don't understand the question. What is the goal? I think you need to talk to the woman or man you are thinking about. Get their opinion and see if it matches yours or if you are on the same page. If there is agreement on a length of time, I don't see a problem. Providing you are both adults and so on and so forth.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

If not working out but still get along enough then until the kids are old enough ideally it would be for the rest of your life but from what i'm seeing it's mostly 7-18 years for long term couples i know


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

"The rest of your life" would make me opt for a *short life *- or would have, if I hadn't divorced my first wife.

I would say as long as you're happy, subject to making a sincere effort to maintain that happiness, and balanced with a dash of responsibility and perhaps duty.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

But, I think the question would then be, "what is the goal"? Because, that's what the answers look to be. So, you would say there is no timeline. It's just a matter of someone making you happy? If they don't, you get out? I know that's not exactly what you meant. I do think each of us has a limit and that varies widely. There is no way to quantify that. The parameters are too loose. 

In general, I think an old-fashioned view is that the goal is the rest of your life, but with exceptions like infidelity or abuse. I think today, the goal is much tougher to meet, because it's undefined.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

I said 3-7 years.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Forever.


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## OrangeCrush1 (Oct 31, 2013)

There was a character limit on the question; perhaps that's what's causing the confusion. 

The question is, what TO YOU is the ideal length (again, TO YOU) for a relationship, realizing that we live in a world with 60%+ divorce rates and 70%+ marital infidelity rates and not a Disney fairy tale where everyone is perfect forever?

So I'm looking for what YOU consider to be a realistic expectation within the confines of our current realities.



R3d said:


> Of course, the ideal outcome is being with one partner forever in the course of your life.





meson said:


> Of course it's the rest of our lives.





tryingtobebetter said:


> Forever.


Okay, do you all believe this realistic to expect in our real world?



2ntnuf said:


> But, I think the question would then be, "what is the goal"?


No, because everyone's _goal _is going to be "forever." A forever wonderful relationship is something I'd like also...in a fairy tale world. But in the real world, my expectations are a little different.

It's like saying, "I would like a billion dollars." Okay, great, but is that a realistic ideal TO YOU? Yes, a billion dollars would be great, but are you _realistically _going to become a billionaire someday? 

That's what I'm asking.



> It's just a matter of someone making you happy? If they don't, you get out? I know that's not exactly what you meant.


I'm asking *you*. There are some in the poll who think that it really is a good idea to get out when someone is not making you happy. This is not "forever."



> In general, I think an old-fashioned view is that the goal is the rest of your life, but with exceptions like infidelity or abuse.


What about chronic unhappiness? Or extreme boredom? Or near-zero sex? All of these things are distinct possibilities in your marriage. Is "forever" still a good idea then?

See what I mean?

What is ideal TO YOU knowing that the odds are high for these things to happen to you _eventually _in your marriage, even if you pick a great spouse and do everything "right?"


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> So I'm looking for what YOU consider to be a realistic expectation within the confines of our current realities.
> 
> What about chronic unhappiness? Or extreme boredom? Or zero sex? All of these things are distinct possibilities in your marriage. Is "forever" still a good idea then?
> 
> ...


Yes, it's clear. It was from the start. Thank you for clarifying. I have to defer to my previous post about old-fashioned marriage thinking. 

I did not go into a marriage with the idea that there was a time limit. If I did, I likely would not have gotten married. I would just have tried to have a monogamous relationship living separately. i do think that is possible. I don't think it's ideal. I don't think it is very satisfying. I think it's pretty lame. I think it's a sham. 

I think it's not worthy of the commitment(itself). Since, once married, the rates of infidelity are around seventy percent, it's likely they are at least the same in a committed relationship. I don't see how a license and ceremony would change that at all. 

For me to think of a marriage as having a time limit, I'd have to think of it as something other than a loving relationship. I'd have to think of it as a business deal where I would get something out of the time, money and emotional expense I put into it. I'd have to believe there was a profit to be made. 

I believe some would say that I'd get sex and companionship. I don't think they should be considered as something I get from a marriage(as profit edit). I wanted to be married to someone I loved and wanted to share my life with, not someone I'd just share a few laughs with and move on. 

So, the ideal would still be for a marriage to last a lifetime. At least, that's how I think about it. 

If you are speaking of boundaries, then I suppose we all have them. Some will be dealbreakers. Infidelity is a dealbreaker. Disrespect is a dealbreaker. So is a lack of empathy, verbal and physical abuse, a careless attitude, poor skill with handling money and paying bills(not that I'm an expert just pay yours on time). 

So, yes, there are dealbreakers and I know I went through them all with x2 before we were married. We discussed or I paid close attention until I was satisfied with what I found. I just never knew she would end up cheating on me. I thought she would leave first and get a divorce. In fact, we talked about that and of course we promised each other it would not happen. 

What an idiot I am, huh? Well, that's life. We don't know what will happen. Do we?


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

As long as I'm happy. And I'm happy as long as I'm in love, and I am loved. When love dies, that is the end of the relationship for me. I believe in love, happiness and freedom to choose, as opposed to obligations, duties, fear of what people say or that God wants you suffering in a marriage till the end, because you "vowed". 
You should have an option "as long as we both fancy eachother" or something like that


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

If you didn’t choose “The Rest of Your Life” you have no business getting married. Well, not without changing the traditional wedding vows, anyway. Silly, this.


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## OrangeCrush1 (Oct 31, 2013)

AlmostYoung said:


> If you didn’t choose “The Rest of Your Life” you have no business getting married. Well, not without changing the traditional wedding vows, anyway. Silly, this.


and



2ntnuf said:


> I did not go into a marriage with the idea that there was a time limit. If I did, I likely would not have gotten married.


Oh I strongly disagree. I think the vast, vast majority of modern-day people who get married these days, especially women, and especially people under age 35 or so, know deep down in their darkest dark that they're not going to be with this person literally _forever_. Yes they would _like _to be and _hope _to be, but I think they know the odds are low. They won't admit this of course, but they know it deep down.

I think you would still _eventually _get married even if you know the odds were decent there would be a time limit on it. Because of societal conditioning people crave marriage too much to allow logic to dictate their decisions about it. Sadly.

I agree people shouldn't get traditionally married if they plan on it not lasting "forever." I'm just saying that's what most people do. Even intelligent people who know better.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

OrangeCrush1 said:


> and
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, it's your life. I don't see the value in that. You don't need marriage to love someone. You don't need marriage to have children. Seems like a waste of someone's time and money. I think most know that the odds are stacked against marriage. I think they believe they will be the exception to the rule. That's different than believing deep down, you will not make it.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

OrangeCrush1 said:


> Oh I strongly disagree. I think the vast, vast majority of modern-day people who get married these days, especially women, and especially people under age 35 or so, know deep down in their darkest dark that they're not going to be with this person literally _forever_. Yes they would _like _to be and _hope _to be, but I think they know the odds are low. They won't admit this of course, but they know it deep down.


The results of your poll suggest otherwise. Most people expect to remain married for life even today.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

This is no Disney fairy tale. I'm at the age where I read more obituaries than wedding invitations, And I see a lot of couples who make it the whole distance. 

MY parents, MY Grandparents, MY in laws, My friends, So for me yes Forever is the answer. And if you want peoples opinions then run a poll. If you just want to spout off on your opinion Write an article.

MN


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## OrangeCrush1 (Oct 31, 2013)

meson said:


> The results of your poll suggest otherwise. Most people expect to remain married for life even today.


No, take a closer look at the poll. 50% of the people in the poll did _not _choose "forever," and this is a very pro-marriage forum.



Mr. Nail said:


> This is no Disney fairy tale. I'm at the age where I read more obituaries than wedding invitations, And I see a lot of couples who make it the whole distance.


So do I. Doesn't change the statistics though.



> MY parents, MY Grandparents, MY in laws, My friends, So for me yes Forever is the answer.


Your parents and grandparents don't count. They were married in a very different era. If your friends/inlaws are over 60, they also don't count. 

Divorce rates and infidelity rates get worse every decade, so the marital success people married decades ago do not indicate the long-term success odds of people getting married today. It's a very, very different world now.



> And if you want peoples opinions then run a poll. If you just want to spout off on your opinion Write an article.


Nice. I have a feeling you'd be even more upset if I wrote an article.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

IDEAL for me is Romantic Fairy tale - FOREVER... To Love, honor , dote on, flirt with, cherish and squeeze his azz -and his squeezing mine ....till death do us part....laughing in our rocking chairs over some of our antics, smelling every rose together.. with every love song heard taking us back to a place in time.... 

My biggest fears are a tragedy or something that could destroy the life we have always known... or a debilitating health issue (I think those would be very very difficult on a couple...devastating in fact).... it was never "Will he get tired of me ?" or want someone else.. 

I married a very old fashioned type guy.. we've only been with each other.. We haven't gotten tired of each other yet.. it's been 32 yrs since we met in our teens...

Realistic in today's society... it's not pretty.. people don't even want to marry anymore... Each sex seems to have lost trust in the other... 

I don't want what I see in society to be what happens in our children's relationships...we'll see how it plays out... they too have older fashioned ideals as this was how they were raised.. 

I feel it carries a tremendous amount of "emotional baggage" to sexually go from this person to that person to another... it doesn't help much with cultivating trust in others down the road ...vulnerability also gets more difficult if one has been betrayed in the deepest ways...one too many times.. 

Then the man or woman who come after these awful experiences tends to pay for it in one way or another.... as our personal experiences clearly have an effect on our outlook on life and love...


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## RollerCoasterRide (Sep 8, 2014)

Unknown what is your angle? You ask a poll about peoples ideal marriage and then post a follow up to everyone who said forever and tell them theyre wrong. 

Your question is flawed in that you ask for the IDEAL marriage. Most ppl envision marriage as a lifetime decision...so IDEALLY theyd want it to be that. It's like asking a football team ideally how many games would you like to play this season. The answer will be 20 games (19 if you get technical and hope for a top seed bye) to get to the superbowl. Statistics dont play in to the ideal scenario.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I would have easily said forever when married. I now would say 3-7 years would be a great length to any relationship


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## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

I believe everyone marries with the intent of it being "the rest of their lives". However, it seems most marriages these days last around 20 years. 

Back in the day divorce wasn't an option. No matter how hard it was people stayed together. Times have changed and IMO not all for the better. 

People seem to be very selfish these days. It's all about what makes them happy and satisfied instead of what's good for their relationship/marriage. Their own needs are put first instead of the needs of the marriage. This mentality has helped lead to a very high divorce rate. 

So, I'm not sure how to vote here - the intentions are forever, but in reality most probably only last between 15 - 25 years. 

Just my 2 cents...


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