# How to rebuild yourself



## Troubled_Times (Dec 13, 2015)

I am a shell of my former self, my relationship to my wife of 10 years has crippled me to the extent of going from a happy go lucky person who loved to make people laugh to someone who battles with depression, battles with his own wife showing no sexual advances or real thoughtfulness towards me, oh and to top it all of... The day I literally wanted to take my own life, I told her how painful this was and the reply I got was "man up you wimp".

I know sit looking at these men with there macho egos at the poker nights I go too wondering if they have got there stuff together or whether that's just a pretense.

I haven't felt this weak in years and the worst part of it is im a sucker who has spent my life trying to please a woman who clearly doesn't give a flying...

I eve spent a year in the gym, almost got a six pack thinking now she will want me more sexually byt oh no just rejection again to batter me down even more. I can't stand this woman!!!

How do you rebuild from this? The last 4 years have been awful and I know I am for tough times ahead on my own isolated as I literally can't talk to anyone about this so instead of coping with this by gambling or drinking which is what I do now to escape my terrible reality, do you have any advice?


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## Julius Beastcavern (May 11, 2015)

Start by not letting the behaviour of your wife define whether you are happy or not. Find things you enjoy doing and do them. Try reading married mans sex life primer and no more mr nice guy


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## Troubled_Times (Dec 13, 2015)

That's rubbish mate, are you telling me someone who completely loses the plot and calls you a "f***ing idiot" and "w*nker" when you can't find a tape measure, yeah huge big deal right!? ... Is not going to have an effect on me as an individual?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Troubled_Times said:


> That's rubbish mate, are you telling me someone who completely loses the plot and calls you a "f***ing idiot" and "w*nker" when you can't find a tape measure, yeah huge big deal right!? ... Is not going to have an effect on me as an individual?


You're not reading the post deeply enough. 

You are making your WIFE solely responsible for defining YOUR HAPPINESS when your happiness needs to derive from you and your goals/achievements in life. 

You build a 6-pack for YOU, not for your WIFE. You're purposely setting yourself up for failure by doing things "for her." Do them FOR YOU and if she appreciates them, bonus. If she doesn't give a monkeys, you won't care because you did it FOR YOU.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

TT I know the feeling. I went thru it myself but for 24 years instead of just 10. It will be tough I tell you that, but it can be done. I am in the process of doing it now, myself. The first thing you need to do is to realize that the only thing you have control over in your whole life is YOU!. Any control you have over others people or events is just an illusion. They are going to do what they are going to do and everything that happens is going to happen. The only thing you have control over is your response to them. That being said, by exercising control over your responses you can effect future outcomes. I would recommend that you read Viktor Frankl's Man Search for Meaning. Use the negative feelings you are having now to propel you away from your current situation, into something better. Realize that no one is coming to save you and you need to save yourself first. 
I know from experience, that the words that I write probably sound theoretical or are just some lofty idea, but over time you will learn and recognize the truth in them. I couldn't early on and struggled for months. I admit I still struggle. I allow my emotions and feelings control me, instead of controlling them at times. Your first step is to recognize that only you can rescue you. And when you do that you will realize that you haven't changed, what has changed is how you feel about what is being done to you. You are with this woman because you loved the person that she was. She probably didn't treat you that way in the beginning, or if she did you allowed it to happen. Over time it has destroyed your self esteem. But the real you is still there. Take control and find him.
Recognizing the real power you hold is a huge boost to your self.


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