# Just need to talk



## JoeTruckey (Jul 22, 2015)

Man where to start? I've been married now for 4yrs and seperated for 10months. I am 45 and this is my first marriage. I have known my wife since I was 16...she was a lover and best friend for most of my life. I a deeply in love with her. The situation began shortly after we moved in together...to me she was ultra selfish, so far from any human being I've ever meet...no negocuation on anything and constant fighting. She started with the D word 6 months in. My opinion then and now is she wants to be married but not have to share her life. I pressured her into counseling but that was no help...and finally one night she said why don't you just leave...she had been manipulating fights all along so I would leave and I knew it...and this one night I said okay. So as apart of the seperation agreement we bothe agreed on counseling every week. But as soon as I moved out she refused. She kept saying she wanted to be married but her behavior was not consistent with her words. Finally after 8 months we started counseling again...I had been going on my own to work on my own stuff the entire time. Now I have reached a point where I do not believe that a marriage under two roofs is not a marriage. She shows no signs of working on it and doesn't do the homework the counsler gives. AND IM THE GUY I shouldn't have to work this hard...I am violating dude code 107 (never work on the relationship lol). Anyway I gave her the choice last week, we either start the process of cohabitation or I'm done. She looked at me and said, oh you want an answer now lol?...so I gave her a week. In that time, I am a constant reader and have read ever marriage book I could find...for a long time I thought she was a true narcissistis...but she didn't fit all those symptoms...but during this last week I stumbled into something that has me stepping back a little...her oldest has asperbergers...I was doing some reading on that and stumbled into a forum about spouse of those who have asperbergers....the stories there were almost exactly like what I have experienced with my wife. Many even said, their spouse didn't know they had it until their child was diagnosed. If I am correct and my wife has some form of this, all the fighting for the marriage was exactly the opposite of what she needed. To,her she doesn't understand why I would want to know about her modeling the bathroom before it was done...or the basic stuff like talk to my wife every day...to her she doesn't get it....it's a big streets for,her and she shuts down....this is all stuff right out of the asperbergers play book. So,during the last week I tried using some of the suggestions listed that I read and it has paid some results...I wish I had known this years ago...it explains everything. Anyway, now I'm still left with...I can't be married anymore living apart. I don't think she will agree to this when we talk this weekend and I will have to maintain my boundary on this. I'm sad I've worked so hard for so many years and afraid it will be over finally. There...there is my story.


----------



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

You think she could be officially diagnosed by a doctor ? 

Convince her to go somehow and have the doctor tell her ?


----------



## JoeTruckey (Jul 22, 2015)

From what I read many adults don't react positively to this....and she is not one to even hear it out without instantly going into survival mode...I thought I might use it as leverage...to be tested...if she want to continue the marriage...but I'm at the point where I just can't muster the energy to bring this up until we live as man and wife again. I might crack and through a hell Mary in the end...but the result is likely to be a huge fight.


----------

