# Have an Issue I Don’t Understand



## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

Me and my wife have been married nearly 30 years. I am 51 years old and she is 48. Early in the marriage I told her I wanted to get a tattoo and immediately got a “no” because she doesn’t believe in them and that it’s against God per the Bible. So I respected her wishes and never got one. She doesn’t have any either. We’ll fast forward to present day 2021. My wife’s sisters recently got tattoos as did one of her friends. Out of the blue she told me that she wants to get a tattoo and have had a meaningful design that she’s had for a long time in case she changed her views. She even said she wants it on her right wrist. I’m like “What happened to you being against them?” She stated that she’s changed her views and realized they are not bad or trashy. I suggested both of us get a couple tattoo together. It would be our first. I sensed reluctance when she agreed. We contacted an artist after finding a design. She would repeatedly remind me my job has a tattoo policy and wearing long sleeve’s or bandages in Texas heat would get old. Well when the subject would always change when I bring it up, she sat me down and told me only wants one tattoo and only the design she picked out and she’s been planning this for a long time and it was going to be a sister thing because her sister wants a second. I told her well then I’ll get one for me and her reply was get this, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She tried to explain tattoos have to be meaningful, not everyone should have one and I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality. She said it would be like our pastor or a sweet grandfather getting one which wouldn’t be right. This double standard angers me and I need suggestions soon. She plans to get one very soon as a Christmas gift to herself.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

It sounds like to me, since I'm cynical, is that she wanted a tattoo from a specific artist and you're getting the tattoo with her prevents her from seeing that artist personally. It sounds like she's at risk of an affair, if she already hasn't stepped out on you.

Just tell her that you agree that tattoos should be meaningful. You'll get one that has meaning to you and she can have one that is meaningful to her.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Has she been this completely controlling your entire marriage? Why, truly why do you allow this?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

This is madness. Rules for thee but not for me? No. Get your tattoo, man, she’s being crazy.


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> It sounds like to me, since I'm cynical, is that she wanted a tattoo from a specific artist and you're getting the tattoo with her prevents her from seeing that artist personally. It sounds like she's at risk of an affair, if she already hasn't stepped out on you.


The thought that came to my mind is in the past she’s threatened to part ways as soon as the kids are out of high school. Like maybe she doesn’t want permanent his/her tattoos. I would be wondering if she was planning an exit in a couple years. She also blew a head gasket after I shaved my head a few years back saying she’d be embarrassed to be around me. She’s weird that way.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

A tattoo on a 48-year-old woman is a very bad idea. Tattoos are not sexy at that age but masculine. Tell her to take a 90 day grace period to think it thru. Better yet, go on amazon and purchase the tattoo stickers. Cost - about 15 bucks. They are very much like the real thing. Look really good but wash off in a week.

When she has an urge for a tat, slap on a decal. Plus with the decals, you are not stuck with the same tat which people get bored of. W/ these decals you can get the feel for what it's like. The urge for the real thing will probably die out over time. 
She's on the tat kick. Don't do it. You shouldn't get one either. 

I heard someone say the new tat is not having a tat. Many many women get the stupidest things plastered on their bodies. It's almost comical.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

manowar said:


> A tattoo on a 48-year-old woman is a very bad idea. Tattoos are not sexy at that age but masculine. Tell her to take a 90 day grace period to think it thru. Better yet, go on amazon and purchase the tattoo stickers. Cost - about 15 bucks. They are very much like the real thing. Look really good but wash off in a week.
> 
> When she has an urge for a tat, slap on a decal. Plus with the decals, you are not stuck with the same tat which people get bored of. W/ these decals you can get the feel for what it's like. The urge for the real thing will probably die out over time.
> She's on the tat kick. Don't do it. You shouldn't get one either.
> ...





manowar said:


> A tattoo on a 48-year-old woman is a very bad idea. Tattoos are not sexy at that age but masculine. Tell her to take a 90 day grace period to think it thru. Better yet, go on amazon and purchase the tattoo stickers. Cost - about 15 bucks. They are very much like the real thing. Look really good but wash off in a week.
> 
> When she has an urge for a tat, slap on a decal. Plus with the decals, you are not stuck with the same tat which people get bored of. W/ these decals you can get the feel for what it's like. The urge for the real thing will probably die out over time.
> She's on the tat kick. Don't do it. You shouldn't get one either.
> ...


She could also get a henna tattoo, which is just dyed ink put on the skin and it wears away over time.


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

manowar said:


> A tattoo on a 48-year-old woman is a very bad idea. Tattoos are not sexy at that age but masculine. Tell her to take a 90 day grace period to think it thru. Better yet, go on amazon and purchase the tattoo stickers. Cost - about 15 bucks. They are very much like the real thing. Look really good but wash off in a week.
> 
> When she has an urge for a tat, slap on a decal. Plus with the decals, you are not stuck with the same tat which people get bored of. W/ these decals you can get the feel for what it's like. The urge for the real thing will probably die out over time.
> She's on the tat kick. Don't do it. You shouldn't get one either.
> ...


I think it could be one of her keep up with the Jones’s things she’s done in the past. I remember us getting a new car after a couple of her friends got a new car. There was nothing wrong with the one we had. It was almost paid off.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Jeff70 said:


> in the past she’s threatened to part ways as soon as the kids are out of high school.


Then maybe you should grant her wish sooner than later.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Jeff70 said:


> Early in the marriage I told her I wanted to get a tattoo and immediately got a “no” because she doesn’t believe in them and that it’s against God per the Bible.
> 
> Out of the blue she told me that she wants to get a tattoo and have had a meaningful design that she’s had for a long time in case she changed her views. She stated that she’s changed her views and realized they are not bad or trashy.
> 
> I told her well then I’ll get one for me and her reply was get this, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She tried to explain tattoos have to be meaningful, not everyone should have one and I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality


Ah, I see ... So your wife is not only a beyotch, she's a hypocrite too. Got it. And what exactly are you - her doormat?

I hope you locate your cajones. They might be in her purse. Check to see. And tell her to shut her yap. 

But here's my question to you: WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS WOMAN??? My God, man, she's telling you what you can and cannot do. JEESH! Find a pair, strap them on, and go get the freakin' tatoo you want.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I will get a tattoo when @Andy1001 gets his.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

[


Prodigal said:


> . So your wife is not only a beyotch, she's a hypocrite too. Got it. And what exactly are you - her doormat?



Men have been trained to behave like this thinking it's the right thing to do. Avoid conflict ect....

The damage done by Chivalry and Romantic Courtly Love is impossible to express in words or quantify statistically. The only way out is education.. Most guys haven't ever questioned their beliefs. 

Read the Manipulated Man by ester vilar. You can download it online.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

manowar said:


> Men have been trained to behave like this thinking it's the right thing to do. Avoid conflict ect....
> 
> The damage done by Chivalry and Romantic Courtly Love is impossible to express in words or quantify statistically. The only way out is education.. Most guys haven't ever questioned their beliefs.
> 
> Read the Manipulated Man by ester vilar. You can download it online.


The only thing that is wrong with chivalry is that it is misunderstood.
You can still be an outright Neantherdal and still be chivalrous.
Chivalry is honourable, not gentle.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

You know exactly what I'm talking about. How it used to be a military code of honor that transformed into gynocentrism. Essentially "everything for milady". If you are referring to common courtesy, politeness, and even kindness then ok I'll go w/ that.

the notion of Chivalry has screwed up the male psyche for 900 years. Check out the jewelry commercials. And the legions of knee-bending men.. It ain't going to work out well for those guys.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

manowar said:


> You know exactly what I'm talking about. How it used to be a military code of honor that transformed into gynocentrism. Essentially "everything for milady". If you are referring to common courtesy, politeness, and even kindness then ok I'll go w/ that.
> 
> the notion of Chivalry has screwed up the male psyche for 900 years. Check out the jewelry commercials. And the legions of knee-bending men.. It ain't going to work out well for those guys.


It's real meaning has been lost for sure.


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## ThreeHundo (Sep 20, 2021)

Get your tattoo.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Do as I say, but not as I do?

That’s the short version of what I see here.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Sorry for what seems to be @Jeff70 a controlling wife. I would tell her fine and you want to go with her and her sisters and see it done and gage her reaction then go and maybe while there you and her could pick out something. If not after that just go get your own on your own. I would make it plain that you want to go with her.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jeff70 said:


> Me and my wife have been married nearly 30 years. I am 51 years old and she is 48. Early in the marriage I told her I wanted to get a tattoo and immediately got a “no” because she doesn’t believe in them and that it’s against God per the Bible. So I respected her wishes and never got one. She doesn’t have any either. We’ll fast forward to present day 2021. My wife’s sisters recently got tattoos as did one of her friends. Out of the blue she told me that she wants to get a tattoo and have had a meaningful design that she’s had for a long time in case she changed her views. She even said she wants it on her right wrist. I’m like “What happened to you being against them?” She stated that she’s changed her views and realized they are not bad or trashy. I suggested both of us get a couple tattoo together. It would be our first. I sensed reluctance when she agreed. We contacted an artist after finding a design. She would repeatedly remind me my job has a tattoo policy and wearing long sleeve’s or bandages in Texas heat would get old. Well when the subject would always change when I bring it up, she sat me down and told me only wants one tattoo and only the design she picked out and she’s been planning this for a long time and it was going to be a sister thing because her sister wants a second. I told her well then I’ll get one for me and her reply was get this, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She tried to explain tattoos have to be meaningful, not everyone should have one and I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality. She said it would be like our pastor or a sweet grandfather getting one which wouldn’t be right. This double standard angers me and I need suggestions soon. She plans to get one very soon as a Christmas gift to herself.


She sounds like a jerk. Get your tatoo and quit worrying about it.

Frankly if it was me i would have told her hell know the first time she brought it up.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jeff70 said:


> The thought that came to my mind is in the past she’s threatened to part ways as soon as the kids are out of high school. Like maybe she doesn’t want permanent his/her tattoos. I would be wondering if she was planning an exit in a couple years. She also blew a head gasket after I shaved my head a few years back saying she’d be embarrassed to be around me. She’s weird that way.


Yeah, weird wouldn't be the word I would use.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

manowar said:


> [
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nothing wrong with Chivalry and Romantic Courtly Love when it's appreciated. Don't call being a doormat being Chivalry or Romantic.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Nothing wrong with Chivalry and Romantic Courtly Love when it's appreciated. Don't call being a doormat being Chivalry or Romantic.


I read one marriage counselor that described the ideal male as a velvet covered brick. As hard as stone to the outside world, but somebody whom a woman was confident that she could hug when she wanted to.

In its proper context, there is nothing wrong with romance and chivalry. However, the real meanings of those have been twisted by those wanting a matriarchal world.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Jeff70 said:


> Me and my wife have been married nearly 30 years. I am 51 years old and she is 48. Early in the marriage I told her I wanted to get a tattoo and immediately got a “no” because she doesn’t believe in them and that it’s against God per the Bible. So I respected her wishes and never got one. She doesn’t have any either. We’ll fast forward to present day 2021. My wife’s sisters recently got tattoos as did one of her friends. Out of the blue she told me that she wants to get a tattoo and have had a meaningful design that she’s had for a long time in case she changed her views. She even said she wants it on her right wrist. I’m like “What happened to you being against them?” She stated that she’s changed her views and realized they are not bad or trashy. I suggested both of us get a couple tattoo together. It would be our first. I sensed reluctance when she agreed. We contacted an artist after finding a design. She would repeatedly remind me my job has a tattoo policy and wearing long sleeve’s or bandages in Texas heat would get old. Well when the subject would always change when I bring it up, she sat me down and told me only wants one tattoo and only the design she picked out and she’s been planning this for a long time and it was going to be a sister thing because her sister wants a second. I told her well then I’ll get one for me and her reply was get this, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She tried to explain tattoos have to be meaningful, not everyone should have one and I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality. She said it would be like our pastor or a sweet grandfather getting one which wouldn’t be right. This double standard angers me and I need suggestions soon. She plans to get one very soon as a Christmas gift to herself.


Have you seen her sisters’ tattoos?

Has she shared the design with you?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If your job seriously has a policy on tattoos then you are certainly going to have to get one in a place that no one will ever see it except your wife. She's being awfully condescending to you acting like you couldn't possibly choose a meaningful tattoo. But really what's the point of having one if no one's going to see it and if your job forbids them, then I would imagine they're having a hell of a time hiring younger folks under the age of 50.


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

GusPolinski said:


> Have you seen her sisters’ tattoos?
> 
> Has she shared the design with you?


Yep, hers she wants is four turtles representing stuff that makes no sense to me but it stood for something about family and her sister has like a grasshopper looking thing representing rheumatoid arthritis.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If your job seriously has a policy on tattoos then you are certainly going to have to get one in a place that no one will ever see it except your wife. She's being awfully condescending to you acting like you couldn't possibly choose a meaningful tattoo. But really what's the point of having one if no one's going to see it and if your job forbids them, then I would imagine they're having a hell of a time hiring younger folks under the age of 50.


There are still many youngsters who wouldn't get a tattoo.


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> There are still many youngsters who wouldn't get a tattoo.


I’m irritated by the fact that I thought “okay we’re on the same page,” then okay I’m getting one but it’s not okay for you and I really don’t care what you think. That’s my problem. If it goes away as a midlife thing and nothing transpires I’m good with that. I thought we were on the same frequency. Where’s our unity on a subject? It’s okay for me but not you. I’d rather her stick to our original mutual plan when she denied me almost 30 years ago.


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If your job seriously has a policy on tattoos then you are certainly going to have to get one in a place that no one will ever see it except your wife. She's being awfully condescending to you acting like you couldn't possibly choose a meaningful tattoo. But really what's the point of having one if no one's going to see it and if your job forbids them, then I would imagine they're having a hell of a time hiring younger folks under the age of 50.


They are. She brought that up. I think she thinks I’m going to pick out something she believes to be stupid. She always has a thing about being‘embarrassed’ yet she’s embarrassed me in front of people before.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Tell her that the pattern YOU want for your tattoo is very personal and represents your patience for the past 30 years! (of not getting a tattoo).

It DOES sound a bit squirrely that she wants to have it done with her sister without YOU being around. Not to be nuts, but have you checked her phone lately?


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Jeff70 said:


> They are. She brought that up. I think she thinks I’m going to pick out something she believes to be stupid. She always has a thing about being‘embarrassed’ yet she’s embarrassed me in front of people before.


Does she also think you're going to be shirtless and show off the tattoo?


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Has she been this completely controlling your entire marriage? Why, truly why do you allow this?


It doesn’t occur often. Only when the majority in her circle are doing something that’s the same she’ll want to jump in to I guess relate.,If they all jumped off a mountain, she’ll jump too. Im just here to put a wrench in things.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Well, I would make sure you attend the appointment when they get the tattoos done. Something about this doesn’t seem right. Have you looked up info on the artist? Is the artist a male or female?

If you want a tattoo - get one! You don’t need her permission - it’s YOUR body!

I got a tattoo a few months ago - I’m 60. I love it! I thought about it for a year and changed the design a few times. It’s a sentimental tattoo and I love seeing it. My son went with me and booked my appointment. It was a nice experience and didn’t hurt.

Maybe consider placing yours another place that would make it easier to cover for work. What about low on the leg area?

Your wife seems like she is showing suspicious activity… have you checked her phone to see if she is texting/ calling any one number often? Too often to explain away? Have you checked her phone bill?

Either way - it’s your body - you do what makes you happy! Stop letting her control you!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your wife sounds like an ass. Again, go get the tattoo you want. If she's so damned worried about you "embarrassing" her, suggest she consider finding a partner who won't.

Or you can do what she tells you to do and continue to simmer with resentment. Your life. Your choice.


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> Tell her that the pattern YOU want for your tattoo is very personal and represents your patience for the past 30 years! (of not getting a tattoo).
> 
> It DOES sound a bit squirrely that she wants to have it done with her sister without YOU being around. Not to be nuts, but have you checked her phone lately?


I’ve had my wheels spinning since I’ve heard of this. I hacked in her Pininterest account and saw tattoo designs so she’s been thinking of this a bit. She’s the type if everyone is doing something, she’ll jump on the bandwagon. Both of her sisters done it recently as did her friend so that’s what I think. If that’s the case, she’ll regret it later. That stuff doesn’t go away like when we unnecessarily bought a new car because everyone else did when we didn’t need one.


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> Well, I would make sure you attend the appointment when they get the tattoos done. Something about this doesn’t seem right. Have you looked up info on the artist? Is the artist a male or female?
> 
> If you want a tattoo - get one! You don’t need her permission - it’s YOUR body!
> 
> ...


I’ve had an idea for more than 30 years that means a lot to me. The artist she picked out for her is a female who did the first one for her sister.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Jeff70 said:


> I’ve had an idea for more than 30 years that means a lot to me. The artist she picked out for her is a female who did the first one for her sister.


I would still go. See if it’s a gal. Tell her you need to go with them.

I’d bet money it ends up being a guy.


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> Your wife sounds like an ass. Again, go get the tattoo you want. If she's so damned worried about you "embarrassing" her, suggest she consider finding a partner who won't.
> 
> Or you can do what she tells you to do and continue to simmer with resentment. Your life. Your choice.


You should have heard her Dr. Phil style speech like I was a Delbert Dumbutt.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Jeff70 said:


> It doesn’t occur often. Only when the majority in her circle are doing something that’s the same she’ll want to jump in to I guess relate.,If they all jumped off a mountain, she’ll jump too. Im just here to put a wrench in things.


I keep my rule simple. I will honour the wishes of the spouse, until they decide to break their own rule and then it's basically permission for me to do likewise.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> I would still go. See if it’s a gal. Tell her you need to go with them.
> 
> I’d bet money it ends up being a guy.


Better yet, put a tracker on the car and follow them.
Or turn her location on her phone on and not tell her. 
Be five minutes behind them.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Jeff70 said:


> You should have heard her Dr. Phil style speech like I was a Delbert Dumbutt.


Being married to someone who disrespected me that way would not work for me.
Why do you allow her to treat you that way?


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Good thing you came here!
Because now we are telling you you have a bigger problem than a tattoo!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> I will get a tattoo when @Andy1001 gets his.


You won’t be getting one any time soon.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

"Honey, we agreed to no tattoos 30 years ago even though I would have like one. I can't tell you what to do. You can make your own choice. But I can tell you that if you go through with the tattoo, my next stop will be at my own artist to get work done too."

No argument, just plain stating of facts. And stop giving her total veto power over your choices!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

jonty30 said:


> It sounds like to me, since I'm cynical, is that she wanted a tattoo from a specific artist and you're getting the tattoo with her prevents her from seeing that artist personally. It sounds like she's at risk of an affair, if she already hasn't stepped out on you.
> 
> Just tell her that you agree that tattoos should be meaningful. You'll get one that has meaning to you and she can have one that is meaningful to her.


The first thing to do is just go get a tattoo, what u want, where you want. Stop making it a discussion. Just come home with a tatto. Today. Put a halt to the drama


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Call her bluff. Tell her you won't have a wife with a tattoo. If she goes through with it, you'll file for divorce. Better to find out now than later.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

It's possible you're focusing on the wrong tree in the forest.

I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but consider this scenario :


Jeff70 said:


> The thought that came to my mind is in the past she’s threatened to part ways as soon as the kids are out of high school. Like maybe she doesn’t want permanent his/her tattoos. I would be wondering if she was planning an exit in a couple years. She also blew a head gasket after I shaved my head a few years back saying she’d be embarrassed to be around me. She’s weird that way.


She wants to keep ownership of you and the image you project while she's still with you. 

Your tattoo does not match her narrative, and never has. Especially a tattoo that communicates a strong connection to HER. 


Jeff70 said:


> I’m irritated by the fact that I thought “okay we’re on the same page,” then okay I’m getting one but it’s not okay for you and I really don’t care what you think. That’s my problem. If it goes away as a midlife thing and nothing transpires I’m good with that. I thought we were on the same frequency. Where’s our unity on a subject? It’s okay for me but not you. I’d rather her stick to our original mutual plan when she denied me almost 30 years ago.


But you're NOT on the same page.

Read what you wrote in the first quote.

You could be on different chapters at best, or reading different books re what you each see as 'your' relationship.

Forget the tattoo thing, it's a distraction in YOUR version of your relationship. Find out if she's already got plans to leave you in a few years. If she does, it's been over for her for a while, and she just doesn't want to be embarrassed being seen with you until she exits.

"No shaved head, no tattoos for the kept provider I'm putting up with until I'm outa here, it's an annoyance and embarrassing to me and doesn't fit into my plan."

Meanwhile, you're concerned about the tattoo... You and your W are reading two different books.

If that's what you discover, then do everyone involved a favor and leave her before she packs it up. You can then shave your head and get 3 tattoos, because you'll own yourself again.

Find out the truth behind her demands for obedience.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Jeff70 said:


> I’ve had an idea for more than 30 years that means a lot to me. The artist she picked out for her is a female who did the first one for her sister.


Although both of you have a right to express an opinion about getting something like a tattoo neither has the right to deny the other one permission. It would be great if you came to agreement, but if she is going to take such a hard line and be hypocritical about it you should just go and get it done. You've had a meaningful design in mind for a long time, so that addresses her concern on that front. Then just make sure you keep it work safe to comply with whatever rules you have to follow.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

manowar said:


> A tattoo on a 48-year-old woman is a very bad idea. Tattoos are not sexy at that age but masculine. Tell her to take a 90 day grace period to think it thru. Better yet, go on amazon and purchase the tattoo stickers. Cost - about 15 bucks. They are very much like the real thing. Look really good but wash off in a week.
> 
> When she has an urge for a tat, slap on a decal. Plus with the decals, you are not stuck with the same tat which people get bored of. W/ these decals you can get the feel for what it's like. The urge for the real thing will probably die out over time.
> She's on the tat kick. Don't do it. You shouldn't get one either.
> ...


I disagree. My wife got her first tattoo at 50. She now has three and they are all vey dainty and feminine. I find them quite sexy. She got her latest one just the other day when I was getting a new tattoo. While I was laying on the table she worked with one of the other artists and got one of her own.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

The fact that she feels so entitled to behave this way towards you says ALOT about your marriage and relationship, and her as a person.

And that you have allowed it is a complete mystery to me.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

What I don't understand is why do you let your wife boss you around? 

I don't have any tattoos and I don't really like them on myself, but my husband has one and I don't really care if he wanted another one. His body, his choice. 

Even if your company has a no tattoo policy, there are places in your body where you can get one and be able to cover up. No one at work knows my husband has a tattoo. 

Reading your post is very frustrating to me. It's not about the tattoo, really. It's about how you let your wife's non-sense rule your life and your decisions. She's about to do whatever she wants without caring about you and your opinions. And when it's your turn to do stuff for yourself, she has a fit and don't let you do it. 

Is she your mom or your wife?

I hope you stand up for yourself and stop her BS.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> If your job seriously has a policy on tattoos then you are certainly going to have to get one in a place that no one will ever see it except your wife. She's being awfully condescending to you acting like you couldn't possibly choose a meaningful tattoo. But really what's the point of having one if no one's going to see it and if your job forbids them, then I would imagine they're having a hell of a time hiring younger folks under the age of 50.


Sounds like being a prison guard at a TDCJ unit.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I couldn't get a tat. I would see it as a waste of money that i could spend on new pistol or a new AR15 or Rossi 92 45Colt or Crossbow....well you get my drift.

My mom once said i did not need another gun. I told her i will stop buying guns when they equal the value of all her jewlry.

That pissed her off .....😂


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> I read one marriage counselor that described the ideal male as a velvet covered brick. As hard as stone to the outside world, but somebody whom a woman was confident that she could hug when she wanted to.
> 
> In its proper context, there is nothing wrong with romance and chivalry. However, the real meanings of those have been twisted by those wanting a matriarchal world.


Sorry mistook what you wrote, thought it was ‘ a velvet covered prick’. 😂


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

The issue in your marriage is the scales of power are tipped in her favor... she can decide one thing and she is correct, and then she can change her mind and she is still correct. This means you can't trust her initial judgement, because she is always correct even if it changes.

Tell her you've decided that you are also always correct, even if you change your decision later.

I'd forget the tattoo.... go get a pilot's license. Do something bigger and bolder that she is excluded from the decision / permission process. If she tries to control it, tell her "this is my tattoo".


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

LisaDiane said:


> The fact that she feels so entitled to behave this way towards you says ALOT about your marriage and relationship, and her as a person.
> 
> And that you have allowed it is a complete mystery to me.


It remains a mystery to me as well. I still haven't read a single word by the OP to explain why he's with this controlling woman. 

Guess he's just here to vent. Which is fine by me.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Don't discuss it any more. Pick your design and when she has had her tattoo done, go get yours done, no discussion. You do not need to respect a hypocrite, you do not need her permission.

Once that little situation is over you can get back to the fact that she has threatened to leave you when the kids are grown up and that seems to have just been allowed to happen...


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jeff70 said:


> Me and my wife have been married nearly 30 years. I am 51 years old and she is 48. Early in the marriage I told her I wanted to get a tattoo and immediately got a “no” because she doesn’t believe in them and that it’s against God per the Bible. So I respected her wishes and never got one. She doesn’t have any either. We’ll fast forward to present day 2021. My wife’s sisters recently got tattoos as did one of her friends. Out of the blue she told me that she wants to get a tattoo and have had a meaningful design that she’s had for a long time in case she changed her views. She even said she wants it on her right wrist. I’m like “What happened to you being against them?” She stated that she’s changed her views and realized they are not bad or trashy. I suggested both of us get a couple tattoo together. It would be our first. I sensed reluctance when she agreed. We contacted an artist after finding a design. She would repeatedly remind me my job has a tattoo policy and wearing long sleeve’s or bandages in Texas heat would get old. Well when the subject would always change when I bring it up, she sat me down and told me only wants one tattoo and only the design she picked out and she’s been planning this for a long time and it was going to be a sister thing because her sister wants a second. I told her well then I’ll get one for me and her reply was get this, “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” She tried to explain tattoos have to be meaningful, not everyone should have one and I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality. She said it would be like our pastor or a sweet grandfather getting one which wouldn’t be right. This double standard angers me and I need suggestions soon. She plans to get one very soon as a Christmas gift to herself.


(1) I hope this isn't the same Tattoo "artist" mentioned in another thread by a poster whose WW ran off with a married Tattoo "artist" until the AP's wife reminded him that she paid for his health insurance. He also had the WW sister and mom going to him. Whether than for more than body art, who knows?

(2) Your wife seems to think she gets to tell you what you can and cant do, and you have no say in what she does.

(3) Ask her if she is ok with you going with her as chaperone for the tattoo session. If the answer is NO, then IMO you need to give her a hard no on the tattoo thing because that would sure sound like there is more going on than advertised. And if SHE gets a tattoo, YOU will get tattoo at the same time. You should be able to tell if body ART is the only body thing on the agenda by interaction between the "artist" and your wife.

(4) Vet the parlor and "artist" to be sure it isn't just some random ex-con who got out of the slammer last month, and that they are certified by the health department. Parlors can give a person more than just some ink.

(5) Your wife is likely approaching time when lot of things can change. Her earlier saying she planned leaving when kids left is not a good sign. Maybe that time has arrived and she just hasn't bothered to tell you.

Just because the “artist” is a female means little even if true. Maybe the “artist” has husband or BF looking for FMF arrangement. Or maybe someone has become interested in joining the other team.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Sounds like she has an idea in her head of who you should, how you should look, etc. But, if you get a tattoo, you’ll instantly turn into the kind of guy who gets a tattoo. I say get what you want and enjoy!!!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Jeff70 said:


> I won’t look right with a tattoo because of my personality. She said it would be like our pastor or a sweet grandfather getting one which wouldn’t be right.





Jeff70 said:


> She also blew a head gasket after I shaved my head a few years back


This caught my attention. It's not unusual to run into men who act like this. Like their wife is some sainted virgin Who never has an interesting thought. The Madonna / ***** complex it's called. This is the first time I have seen that flipped on a man, husband, father. You fill those roles in her life so you can't possibly be the kind of sexy interesting man who shaves his head or has a tattoo.
It's weird seeing her thinking, but I can't think of any way to fix it. Perhaps you need to do some *more *interesting things.

In the end of your tale I absolutely think that this is a poor reason to have a tattoo. I don't get it, and I don't celebrate arthritis.


Jeff70 said:


> her sister has like a grasshopper looking thing representing rheumatoid arthritis.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Your body, your choice. Simple.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Jeff70 said:


> The thought that came to my mind is in the past she’s threatened to part ways as soon as the kids are out of high school. Like maybe she doesn’t want permanent his/her tattoos. I would be wondering if she was planning an exit in a couple years. She also blew a head gasket after I shaved my head a few years back saying she’d be embarrassed to be around me. She’s weird that way.


If she is planning on splitting as soon as the kids are out of high school, then why does it matter to her what you do? And why does it matter to you what she thinks? And much more importantly, why are you still with somebody who is planning to leave you????


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

How do you feel about the responses Jeff?


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

Quad73 said:


> It's possible you're focusing on the wrong tree in the forest.
> 
> I sincerely hope I'm wrong, but consider this scenario :She wants to keep ownership of you and the image you project while she's still with you.
> 
> ...


I was actually thinking this as a likely plan on her end, wow thank you


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> This caught my attention. It's not unusual to run into men who act like this. Like their wife is some sainted virgin Who never has an interesting thought. The Madonna / *** complex it's called. This is the first time I have seen that flipped on a man, husband, father. You fill those roles in her life so you can't possibly be the kind of sexy interesting man who shaves his head or has a tattoo.
> It's weird seeing her thinking, but I can't think of any way to fix it. Perhaps you need to do some *more *interesting things.
> 
> In the end of your tale I absolutely think that this is a poor reason to have a tattoo. I don't get it, and I don't celebrate arthritis.


I thought that as well. A grasshopper to celebrate arthritis?? What's to celebrate about it? What has a grasshopper got to do with it anyway?

Op, your wife is very easily led and influenced. That's a bad thing. The fact that she said she is only staying till the kids finish school is VERY concerning. Doesn't that concern you?


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

This whole topic reminded me of something.

A few years back my younger son had a friend whose brother lived in a trailer at the back of their family’s property. Past high school dropout. Couldn’t hold down a regular job for long so did occasional odd jobs, band gigs, sold a bit of weed and had a certain reputation for his skills as a tatoo artist. Set up shop in his trailer.

Long story short. Hygiene side of his practice was a wee bit negligent. Public Health identified an HIV outbreak at the local high school. Tatoo boy was the vector.

Tatoos. Yeah, right.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

syhoybenden said:


> This whole topic reminded me of something.
> 
> A few years back my younger son had a friend whose brother lived in a trailer at the back of their family’s property. Past high school dropout. Couldn’t hold down a regular job for long so did occasional odd jobs, band gigs, sold a bit of weed and had a certain reputation for his skills as a tatoo artist. Set up shop in his trailer.
> 
> ...


Moral of the story is don't get a tattoo from a HS dropout in a sketchy trailer parked at the far end of someones yard.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> I thought that as well. A grasshopper to celebrate arthritis?? What's to celebrate about it? What has a grasshopper got to do with it anyway?
> 
> Op, your wife is very easily led and influenced. That's a bad thing. The fact that she said she is only staying till the kids finish school is VERY concerning. Doesn't that concern you?


I agree. Grasshopper representing arthritis ? 4 turtles for their sisterhood? Just as how she demanded you get a new car when someone got one, she is following or being influenced to follow or copy others. That is a personality trait that could lead to her to want to have an affair if her sister or friend sells it. 

With her telling you that she’s leaving you when the kids are finished with school, you need to be watching. Being middle aged and near empty nester stage, that is prime time for affairs. If you don’t want to be blindsided, you better do a deep dive on your wife’s activities and friends. with her being the following type, you need to vet out those who are influencing her. 

This is also a time for you to do an assessment of yourself. Have you let yourself go? Are you making an effort in the relationship to make her feel loved? Do you help around the house? You want to make sure that you’re not resting on your past history alone.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

jsmart said:


> This is also a time for you to do an assessment of yourself. Have you let yourself go? Are you making an effort in the relationship to make her feel loved? Do you help around the house? You want to make sure that you’re not resting on your past history alone.


He can assess himself to see if he is a good partner - but that doesn’t have anything to do with HER moral character! Either she will cheat or she won’t! 
IF she is likely to cheat why would he want to stay married to her? If she doesn’t plan to stay married long term he needs to be planning for that by being smart with his money and making sure he doesn’t keep buying things for her - like new cars/new house.
Does she work? You want her working! 

Have you told her NO when she requests buying things? What’s the response? Start telling her no. 
And start planning for the exit. You don’t want to be left without not preparing for that.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Beach123 said:


> Have you told her NO when she requests bee things? What’s the response? Start telling her no.
> And start planning for the exit. You don’t want to be left without not preparing for that.


This is the key, but he must act on it. I hope he does.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> This is the key, but he must act on it. I hope he does.


Judging from his main post, replies and his focus on the tattoo issue rather than the bigger picture I highly doubt he will take a stand!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Jeff70 said:


> *The thought that came to my mind is in the past she’s threatened to part ways as soon as the kids are out of high school. Like maybe she doesn’t want permanent his/her tattoos. I would be wondering if she was planning an exit in a couple years. *She also blew a head gasket after I shaved my head a few years back saying she’d be embarrassed to be around me. She’s weird that way.


Well I assure you that your thinking here is exactly correct…..


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Jeff70 said:


> I’m irritated by the fact that I thought “okay we’re on the same page,” then okay I’m getting one but it’s not okay for you and I really don’t care what you think. That’s my problem. If it goes away as a midlife thing and nothing transpires I’m good with that. I thought we were on the same frequency. Where’s our unity on a subject? It’s okay for me but not you. I’d rather her stick to our original mutual plan when she denied me almost 30 years ago.


Yeah, you’re in a relationship where she doesn’t mind giving you a NO, and you can’t even bring yourself to utter the word.
This never ends well for a relationship when this is the case.
Practice saying the word several times a day in your wife’s presence: No.
Then when she responds with spin, threats, and disdain: “NO. You said no to me 30 years ago, I’m saying NO to you now”. 

However, you likely never are going to practice on telling your wife no, so my advice is useless.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

DownButNotOut said:


> "Honey, we agreed to no tattoos 30 years ago even though I would have like one. I can't tell you what to do. You can make your own choice. But I can tell you that if you go through with the tattoo, my next stop will be at my own artist to get work done too."
> 
> No argument, just plain stating of facts. And stop giving her total veto power over your choices!


But they didn’t really agree. She simply told him no and OP sheepishly allowed her to rule the roost. Now the roost is roasted.
I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have any and prefer my SO not to have them either.
But for my SO to unequivocally tell me no….


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## Jeff70 (Nov 23, 2021)

Well, I got inspired and fired up to confront her, even accusing her of meeting someone. She countered by saying that if I don’t trust her I can come along, hold her hand and watch the procedure. She also accused me of getting one out of spite and trying to ruin a special thing that she’s allegedly been wanting and planning for nearly two years. She tried to tell me like I’m a dummy that a lot of thought has to be put in for something you want on your body permanently. After a few days of the cold war, she came to me and explained that not everyone can have one and I’m one of those people. She tried to compare my attempt to grow a beard during no shave November a few years back which I agree that one didn’t look good. She tried to say the “I don’t mean this in a mean way” speech by saying I’m a middle aged man who doesn’t have “a wild side” and is super conservative in my appearance and demeanor and doing something like that would look strange on me. She went on to say if i was a good husband, I should be supportive with her decisions on what she wants to do with her body. Even tried to say I would be more sexy without one. Screw her, if she gets one, I’ll be in the same room getting mine!


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Jeff70 said:


> Well, I got inspired and fired up to confront her, even accusing her of meeting someone. She countered by saying that if I don’t trust her I can come along, hold her hand and watch the procedure. She also accused me of getting one out of spite and trying to ruin a special thing that she’s allegedly been wanting and planning for nearly two years. She tried to tell me like I’m a dummy that a lot of thought has to be put in for something you want on your body permanently. After a few days of the cold war, she came to me and explained that not everyone can have one and I’m one of those people. She tried to compare my attempt to grow a beard during no shave November a few years back which I agree that one didn’t look good. She tried to say the “I don’t mean this in a mean way” speech by saying I’m a middle aged man who doesn’t have “a wild side” and is super conservative in my appearance and demeanor and doing something like that would look strange on me. She went on to say if i was a good husband, I should be supportive with her decisions on what she wants to do with her body. Even tried to say I would be more sexy without one. Screw her, if she gets one, I’ll be in the same room getting mine!


That's right. 
I'm sorry, but that's funny."I want a tattoo, but you should not have one."

It's good that you're living a little.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jeff70 said:


> Well, I got inspired and fired up to confront her, even accusing her of meeting someone. She countered by saying that if I don’t trust her I can come along, hold her hand and watch the procedure. She also accused me of getting one out of spite and trying to ruin a special thing that she’s allegedly been wanting and planning for nearly two years. She tried to tell me like I’m a dummy that a lot of thought has to be put in for something you want on your body permanently. After a few days of the cold war, she came to me and explained that not everyone can have one and I’m one of those people. She tried to compare my attempt to grow a beard during no shave November a few years back which I agree that one didn’t look good. She tried to say the “I don’t mean this in a mean way” speech by saying I’m a middle aged man who doesn’t have “a wild side” and is super conservative in my appearance and demeanor and doing something like that would look strange on me. She went on to say if i was a good husband, I should be supportive with her decisions on what she wants to do with her body. Even tried to say I would be more sexy without one. Screw her, if she gets one, I’ll be in the same room getting mine!


What would be her reaction if you said “I think tatoos on woman look really trashy. You wearing one would really upset me. Are you trying to cultivate your wild side for someone else?”

If my wife ever expressed interest in one that would be my opening salvo. Because it would be totally out of character and highly offensive to me. On par with having a boob job. She wouldnt be doing it to attract me.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Jeff70 said:


> Well, I got inspired and fired up to confront her, even accusing her of meeting someone. She countered by saying that if I don’t trust her I can come along, hold her hand and watch the procedure. She also accused me of getting one out of spite and trying to ruin a special thing that she’s allegedly been wanting and planning for nearly two years. She tried to tell me like I’m a dummy that a lot of thought has to be put in for something you want on your body permanently. After a few days of the cold war, she came to me and explained that not everyone can have one and I’m one of those people. She tried to compare my attempt to grow a beard during no shave November a few years back which I agree that one didn’t look good. She tried to say the “I don’t mean this in a mean way” speech by saying I’m a middle aged man who doesn’t have “a wild side” and is super conservative in my appearance and demeanor and doing something like that would look strange on me. She went on to say if i was a good husband, I should be supportive with her decisions on what she wants to do with her body. Even tried to say I would be more sexy without one. Screw her, if she gets one, I’ll be in the same room getting mine!


With a wife like this, who needs enemies?

Time and time again on this forum I just don't understand why men put up with marital dynamics like this. Wives like this aren't even afraid of damaging the relationship. I guess they figure he'll continue to provide all of the things she wants from him no matter what she says or does. 

OP, why hasn't all of this turned you off of her in a noticeable (to her) way???? That's the million dollar question.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

@Jeff70 Nice one!
Didn't expect you to make a stand!
You're only a chump if you allow yourself to be one!
Your wife thinks she is entitled!
Prove her wrong!

Now stand your ground!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Jeff70 said:


> She went on to say if i was a good husband, I should be supportive with her decisions on what she wants to do with her body.


"If you were a good wife, you would be supportive of my decision on what I want to do with my own body." 
This is coming across as sibling rivalry on her part - she wants something you don't have to make her feel special.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Hey @Jeff70 tell her that is her opinion and why you should not get a tattoo because you don't have a "wild side" and it would not look right on you. I would throw it back in her court and say yes we have been together for a long time and does she value your opinion and say in your opinion at her age you think a tattoo would make her look sl***y. Also, I would ask her point blank from your OP is this part of her exit strategy to leave the marriage when the kids go to college. Best of luck!


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Has she scheduled a date for the tattoo? I don't think getting your own tattoo out of spite will make your marriage stronger or result in you being treated as a valued & equal partner.

IMO you need to be civil but get angry. Inform her that since your appearance matters to her – then her appearance is just as important to you. Don't argue with her about why she's 'right' - just repeat that this is unacceptable.

Your wife doesn’t take your concerns or objections seriously because she believes that you would never divorce her. That puts you at a disadvantage.

She not only sees you as the solid dependable guy you are – but she also sees your strong character as a weakness that she takes advantage of.

In order to change that dynamic (years of you teaching her) you need to take strong action (bluff if necessary). Among other things, she needs to see you get angry and no longer dependent on her/being married and no longer willing to tolerate her dismissing you. 

Read up on and consider implementing some of the 180; take up a new hobby just for you; lose weight & get fit, and buy some new clothes & modernize your grooming.

Finally, make an appointment to talk to an attorney about how divorce will impact you (and let her know). It makes a strong statement that you’re serious and her behavior is intolerable.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Jeff70 said:


> that she’s allegedly been wanting and planning for nearly two years. She tried to tell me like I’m a dummy that a lot of thought has to be put in for something you want on your body permanently.


Tell her that you have been wanting and planning what YOU wanted for 30 YEARS, so....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Kaliber said:


> @Jeff70 Nice one!
> Didn't expect you to make a stand!
> You're only a chump if you allow yourself to be one!
> Your wife thinks she is entitled!
> ...


Wait, what was his stand again? Holding her hand while she gets the tatt?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Robert22205 said:


> Has she scheduled a date for the tattoo? I don't think getting your own tattoo out of spite will make your marriage stronger or result in you being treated as a valued & equal partner.
> 
> IMO you need to be civil but get angry. Inform her that since your appearance matters to her – then her appearance is just as important to you. Don't argue with her about why she's 'right' - just repeat that this is unacceptable.
> 
> ...


I’m all in except for the bluffing. Never bluff on divorce. Ever. It’s like going full retard.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Livvie said:


> With a wife like this, who needs enemies?
> 
> Time and time again on this forum I just don't understand why men put up with marital dynamics like this. Wives like this aren't even afraid of damaging the relationship. I guess they figure he'll continue to provide all of the things she wants from him no matter what she says or does.
> 
> OP, why hasn't all of this turned you off of her in a noticeable (to her) way???? That's the million dollar question.


Some men never give up, they know, not how.
They give up at death.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Some men never give up, they know, not how.
> They give up at death.


Men are the idealistic partner and women are the opportunitists.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

what happened to the whole "Tattoos go against God" thing.
did the bible just change because of Covid?
What OTHER things did she not want to do 30 years ago, but is eager to try out now???


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Moral of the story is don't get a tattoo from a HS dropout in a sketchy trailer parked at the far end of someones yard.


well, unless he is really REALLY cheap!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> The first thing to do is just go get a tattoo, what u want, where you want. Stop making it a discussion. Just come home with a tatto. Today. Put a halt to the drama


except, if your job really has a rule against them, it had better be where they can not see it.
the rule generally is "Not anywhere the judge in a court can see it"!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> except, if your job really has a rule against them, it had better be where they can not see it.
> the rule generally is "Not anywhere the judge in a court can see it"!


All that goes without saying. Don't impact your job or career put the tatto where practical.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jeff, I would think you ought to focus on her threat to leave you when the kids are out of the house. How long until that happens? Maybe your time better spent getting your life lined up to be single again, leave before she does? When a person makes a threat, we are best advised to believe them.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> Men are the idealistic partner and women are the opportunitists.


Haa no... Sounds more like the men are afraid of change and being single.

They are codependent in the truer origin of the meaning.They enable and take bad/negative behavior in their partner. And they don't leave the relationship.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Haa no... Sounds more like the men are afraid of change and being single.
> 
> They are codependent in the truer origin of the meaning.They enable and take bad/negative behavior in their partner. And they don't leave the relationship.


It has to do with the evolutionary biology. Women have had to be opportunists in order to survive to provide for their children. That means desiring the best male. It's why many women will have sex with lovers, with no commitment, but marry providers and not have sex with them.

It's why, quite often, the men are more devastated by the end of relationships.
women love opportunistically (therationalmale.com)

It's why about 80 of divorces are initiated by women and why many men stick with marriages where they are not loved.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> It has to do with the evolutionary biology. Women have had to be opportunists in order to survive to provide for their children. That means desiring the best male. It's why many women will have sex with lovers, with no commitment, but marry providers and not have sex with them.
> 
> It's why, quite often, the men are more devastated by the end of relationships.
> women love opportunistically (therationalmale.com)
> ...


You know, you are like a broken record. 

Men are opportunistic, too. Many men will be with the hottest, youngest woman they can find. Many men have affairs with and leave their spouse for younger, hotter women. And, men often choose poorly, choosing a partner mainly on looks. If she's hot, he doesn't care what her personality is like. He just cares that he can **** her (for now😉). Talk about opportunistic. 

The men we see who stay with women who treat them very poorly are not to be glorified. It's not a lofty wonderful trait. It's dysfunctional. 

If a man is "devastated" by the end of a ****ty, awful relationship, there's a problem there. A massive one.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Jeff70 said:


> Well, I got inspired and fired up to confront her, even accusing her of meeting someone. She countered by saying that if I don’t trust her I can come along, hold her hand and watch the procedure. She also accused me of getting one out of spite and trying to ruin a special thing that she’s allegedly been wanting and planning for nearly two years. She tried to tell me like I’m a dummy that a lot of thought has to be put in for something you want on your body permanently. After a few days of the cold war, she came to me and explained that not everyone can have one and I’m one of those people. She tried to compare my attempt to grow a beard during no shave November a few years back which I agree that one didn’t look good. She tried to say the “I don’t mean this in a mean way” speech by saying I’m a middle aged man who doesn’t have “a wild side” and is super conservative in my appearance and demeanor and doing something like that would look strange on me. *She went on to say if i was a good husband, I should be supportive with her decisions on what she wants to do with her body*. Even tried to say I would be more sexy without one. Screw her, if she gets one, I’ll be in the same room getting mine!


My response right there would have been, if she were a good wife she would be supportive with your decisions on what you do with your body.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I’m all in except for the bluffing. Never bluff on divorce. Ever. It’s like going full retard.


Agreed, however........He shouldn't bluff on it. He should go for it.
If it is accurate, that she said that she is going to dump him when the kids go to college, why is he wasting a finite asset like his time on earth with someone who doesn't want to be with him? Why is that kind of disrespectful noise being tolerated?
His response should be that x# of years ago, I wanted to get a tat and I wasn't allowed, and now you think that through the fiat of assertion, you are going to mandate that you are getting one? H*ll No!
Tell her that if she gets a tat, he gets a divorce. Then do it.
He should find a woman that wants to be with him. Life is too short.
Deal with her and the broom she rode in on.


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