# Just Found Out Size Does Matter to my Wife Comparing me to her BF of 25 years ago



## CuriousIam

We just had a romantic getaway to try and work on sex issues as my wife has lost a good bit of her sensataion with sex and has stopped having orgasims, thus leading to lack of sexual desire.

While talking many things sexual, she informed me, after 22 years of marriage, that he, her one and only BF prior to me from 25 years ago measured in at 13", twice my size. Quote - "It took some getting used to you." All said matter of factly. But to me it sounded like she was saying she downgraded in going to me. She didn't use those words. I didn't ask for that info and I wasn't lookiing for it. It just came out while she was "checking me out."

One time before while trying to do a certain position she had said that she was able to do it with the BF but that it was probably because he was bigger than me. There was no mention of size then.

I'm now having a hard time getting past this. Do I just need to suck it up and know that it was prior to me, and I'm the one she married. Or am I right in being bothered by this. I keep thinking that what she said will now be in my head the remainder of our marraige and certainly any time I'm being inspected. Sucks.


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## Shooboomafoo

What a horrible, infantile, gutteral, and disrespectful thing to say. Did you mention that her saggy boobs just didnt do it for you like they used to?

All during a romantic getaway...

I am one of the "walked away from" spouses that took that kind of sh!t on a daily basis, whether it be by complete ignorance, or purposeful derision, I think you should show her how size doesnt matter.


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## Almostrecovered

13 inches my ass

not even the biggest porn stars are that big

I doubt many women at all would want to have a penis that large, it would be painful


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## CuriousIam

Shooboomafoo said:


> What a horrible, infantile, gutteral, and disrespectful thing to say. Did you mention that her saggy boobs just didnt do it for you like they used to?
> 
> All during a romantic getaway...
> 
> I am one of the "walked away from" spouses that took that kind of sh!t on a daily basis, whether it be by complete ignorance, or purposeful derision, I think you should show her how size doesnt matter.


N, I didn't critisize her at all. In fact she want asked me about my ex's breast and said surely they must have been bigger than my wife's. But I told her I would not go there. My wife seem to have more of a filter problem, or lack of a proper filter, as we age. She has never done this before in making a comparsion like that. But this one definitely hurts.


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## Almostrecovered

more accurate chart

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/Penis_frequency.svg


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## that_girl

My husband is large.. Not 13 , that would kill me.

Your wife is a shrew. To comment on a body part such as genitals is rude and disrespectful. What was her purpose in this? Just to hurt you, it seems.

Why is she so resentful and bitter towards you?


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## CuriousIam

Almostrecovered said:


> 13 inches my ass
> 
> not even the biggest porn stars are that big
> 
> I doubt many women at all would want to have a penis that large, it would be painful


That's eaxactly what I said, and then she said it was 10 or 13 and that she would ask her sister's husband, since apparently they reported the size to him right after they came out of the room measuring it. Either way, a number of inches larger than what she has now. I asked he not to ask the brother-in-law; but knowing her, she probably will.


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## that_girl

Almostrecovered said:


> more accurate chart
> 
> http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/ce/Penis_frequency.svg


Yea, that chart seems good. 13 is wrong, unless she measured it...but my first was 9 and my hubs is 9...and that's huge and took getting used to because it can hurt.

Was that TMI? Sorry...I just get irritated when people compare their mates to exes. If the ex was so good, then why is it an ex?

Ugh.


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## that_girl

CuriousIam said:


> That's eaxactly what I said, and then she said it was 10 or 13 and that she would ask her sister's husband, since apparently they reported the size to him right after they came out of the room measuring it. Either way, a number of inches larger than what she has now. I asked he not to ask the brother-in-law; but knowing her, she probably will.


Wow!! She just won't quit!

Is she talking to this ex again? Seems odd she'd just bust out with this 22 year later.


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## CuriousIam

that_girl said:


> Wow!! She just won't quit!
> 
> Is she talking to this ex again? Seems odd she'd just bust out with this 22 year later.


Annual kind of check-in stuff. But I think that is it. She has claimed that he blows her off in her efforts to have a friendship. That's a good thing at this point or our marriage would significantly suffer.


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## Mavash.

What a mean woman.


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## Beowulf

CuriousIam said:


> Annual kind of check-in stuff. But I think that is it. She has claimed that he blows her off in her efforts to have a friendship. That's a good thing at this point or our marriage would significantly suffer.


Why would you tolerate her trying to be friends with an ex?


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## eagleclaw

Errrr ummm. You mean she annually checks in with her ex boyfriend...... and this seems normal, mundane and ok to you?

Hello? Do you have any boundries at all? Do you enforce them? Do you check in with your ex girlfriends and try to maintain a friendship every year?

I wouldn't worry to much about your penis size, but you might want to check your testicles.


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## Entropy3000

The last three references attributed to a woman to a man's size on this forum that I have seen over the past week or so are in order:

10, 12+ and now 13. Either the world is now dominated by guys with nearly a foot or more in size, there is some fantasy going on or these women have no idea ow big anything is. perhaps their husbands have told them they are 8 and they are only really 4 so the women are using that as a reference. Or maybe juts a lot of porn watching is going on. One of those references was from an eye witness. Two were heresay.

Now as to your situation. Was this part of her way of telling you she is still sexual? Was this part of a fantasy discussion to spice things up? Was she trying to say she no longer has orgasms because she needs a foot plus inside her? It is not like she said her BF was 8 or 9, instead it was double your size. Or maybe she was saying that she enjoyed the visual stimulus to get ready for sex. Was she hinting ot using some larger toys int eh bedroom? Was she hinting at lookig up the BF? Was she hinting at a threesome or open marriage? Was this just a very off the wall comment with no follow up?


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## that_girl

CuriousIam said:


> Annual kind of check-in stuff. But I think that is it. She has claimed that he blows her off in her efforts to have a friendship. That's a good thing at this point or our marriage would significantly suffer.


She is seeking him out?

No good, my friend. Sounds like she's daydreaming and obsessing about him.

What is this "annual checkup"? Is he a gyno? no. he's an ex. no need for checking up.


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## that_girl

But why put a NAME to her desire for a bigger weenie?

That's mean.


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## eagleclaw

One more point. I'm probably at the upper end of average. I know my wife has had bigger because we were friends before lovers and she had shared some of her history. 

But heres the thing. I have had 10 yrs to learn her. I can make her c-um in 2 minutes. I can do it repeatedly. I know exactly what she likes and dislikes. And I'm still learning new buttons all the time.

I have also had thinner girls, with bigger boobs, that did kinkier things.

But neither of us have have had better sex than we have now. We know each other, we enjoy each other.

I LOVE HER. And I like most everything about HER because it's HER.


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## COguy

CuriousIam said:


> Annual kind of check-in stuff. But I think that is it. She has claimed that he blows her off in her efforts to have a friendship. That's a good thing at this point or our marriage would significantly suffer.


It's good to know that because her ex-boyfriend who has a monster c*ck that she misses is blowing her off, your marriage isn't suffering.

Because otherwise, you might have some real marital issues....

Palm and my face, uniting abruptly...............


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## working_together

CuriousIam said:


> N, I didn't critisize her at all. In fact she want asked me about my ex's breast and said surely they must have been bigger than my wife's. But I told her I would not go there. My wife seem to have more of a filter problem, or lack of a proper filter, as we age. She has never done this before in making a comparsion like that. But this one definitely hurts.


Your wife sounds very insecure, and pretty mean as well. I can't believe that someone would say this, so insensitive and hurtful to someone she has spent 25 years with. How the hell does she even remember??? And 13 inches, hardly...I agree with AR, there's no way someone is that big...IMO. I would have said something really mean (which I can be sometimes) and said something about her loss of sensation, and that it was probably early menopause....


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## Entropy3000

CuriousIam said:


> That's eaxactly what I said, and then she said it was 10 or 13 and that she would ask her sister's husband, since apparently they reported the size to him right after they came out of the room measuring it. Either way, a number of inches larger than what she has now. I asked he not to ask the brother-in-law; but knowing her, she probably will.


So she took the guy to the bedroom, measured it and then came out and announced to the crowd what the results were. How bizarre.


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## working_together

that_girl said:


> She is seeking him out?
> 
> No good, my friend. Sounds like she's daydreaming and obsessing about him.
> 
> What is this "annual checkup"? Is he a gyno? no. he's an ex. no need for checking up.


lol, just laughed out loud at this.


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## Entropy3000

CuriousIam said:


> Annual kind of check-in stuff. But I think that is it. She has claimed that he blows her off in her efforts to have a friendship. That's a good thing at this point or our marriage would significantly suffer.


So this is not about a guy she knew 22+ years ago. She has tried to stay in touch with this guy and he blows her off.

I find this more concerning than any discussion about his penis size. The inference is however that she has been seeking a "relationship" with him ongoing. She is trying to hookup again because she misses him or his 13 inches.

So while it is good that he is blowing her off ... your marriage has the issue because she is still wanting him it seems. I mean how do you know he blows her off? Maybe they have hooked up during your marriage. Maybe recently and it has impacted your sex life. The desire on her part for him is telling. I am thinking she is paving the way for a threesome or open marriage.


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## working_together

Ok, this whole story sounds like these people are teenagers....

It just makes men insecure with the issue of size, we women keep saying it doesn't matter (and it doesn't), and then a few nasty women come out of the wood work and mess men up again....grrrr


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## bandit.45

Tell her that all contact with the ex stops now. Tell her to grow up. Tell her to act like a wife. 

If she does not start showing you respect, give her the 180 inches. See how she filters that. 

Somebody post the 180 link for this guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omega

Wow. This thread is really bothering me. I, like your wife, married a man much smaller than my previous BF. I had a miserable sex life with my ex-bf because it was wretchedly painful (and boring - when it's too big there's very little you can do) and absolutely unsatisfying. For many women, and I say this in total honesty and sincerity, big size is only good for looking at. The painful sex was actually one of the reasons that that relationship was doomed. I hope my ex-bf someday finds a woman who is appropriately matched to him but I am pretty sure he never dated anyone after we broke up. 

My H on the other hand, well I chose to marry him because he is perfect for me (including size and everything else about sex but also the rest of life) and I wouldn't change *anything* about him - especially in that area. And no matter how pissed I might be about whatever, if I ever threw size in his face (comparing to past bf or not) I hope he'd kick my a$$ out the door because that is just a total lack of respect, and a wife should never speak to her husband that way (nor vice versa of course, woman are just as prone to body consciousness issues!).

Your wife should recognize first that saying something like that to a normal human male is bound to cause him to feel disrespected at least and likely bad about himself. Whatever her reason in trying to make you feel inadequate ("it took some getting used to you"), she was in the wrong. 

13" is a freaking horror movie. If your wife can handle 13" she's probably missing key internal organs. She might want to have that checked out. Incidentally half of 10" or 13" is 5" or 6.5" respectively - both of which are totally normal and plenty big to bring pleasure to a normal human female. For God's sake. Sometimes I just want slap someone. 

I can't even bring myself to comment on the "I can't remember how huuuuuge he is, I'll ask my sister's husband to whip out his tape measure!" Just... speechless....


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## that_girl

Yea, ok...my husband is large and it's great. It just depends on how everything fits. that's not the point.

The point is his wife comparing him. I think it's also funny that she remembers 13 inches after 25 years lolllll sounds like a fishing story.

"It was THIS BIG!" and every time you tell the story, the fish gets a little bigger.

Not many vaginas can deal with 13 inches. LOL that would be in our intestines. Ew.


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## Almostrecovered

"well, if it's small, then you won't mind if I stick it in your ass"


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## strugglinghusband

Almostrecovered said:


> "well, if it's small, then you won't mind if I stick it in your ass"


:iagree::lol:

with measurement markings on it!!!


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## Beowulf

I don't think the size of her ex bf's penis is the problem, its the size of the wife's heart that is in question.


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## working_together

OR...

"Maybe we should refrain from having sex for a few weeks and see how much you appreciate it".....and do it.

180 is needed for sure.


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## omega

working_together said:


> OR...
> 
> "Maybe we should refrain from having sex for a few weeks and see how much you appreciate it".....and do it.
> 
> 180 is needed for sure.


Something tells me that might not end the way the OP would like it to.

She just sounds like a mean and nasty person to me.


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## working_together

Big penis's are no fun for b/j's anyway....I gave a b/j to a 10 inch, kind of frustrating.....I prefer the average...lol I know TMI


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## that_girl

working_together said:


> Big penis's are no fun for b/j's anyway....I gave a b/j to a 10 inch, kind of frustrating.....I prefer the average...lol I know TMI


:scratchhead: I think it's just a preference. I was very pleased that Hubs was large. Very pleased.

Again, the point here is the comparison to an ex. That is the heartbreaker. If you love someone, you deal with what they have or don't have or whatever. Average is not 'small'. I just think she's a betch.


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## CuriousIam

Ok this took a different direction than I thought that it would. Here are some facts:

1. The ex bf lives in a different state than where we live, and she has not seen him since we have been together.

2. We never had a no-ex rule. The check-in is a birthday wish and how is the family doing such thing. 

3. I only recently informed her that I would have an issue with a friendship, and she asked if she could continue with the annual birthday wishes, and I said yes.

4. I'm shocked that this turned into an absolute barrage of there must be 100% no contact iwth an ex. Although out of respect for her, I have not contacted any ex, even with her telling me it was ok to do so. She doesn't think that it is a respect thing or wrong to be friends with an ex. However, she did agree to not seek a friendship with him.

5. My first reaction was BS, they had no idea about size.

6. They (her and her BF) did apparently measure him and immediatley reported it to the BIL. Of course now, after initially being convinced it was 13, then said it may have been 10. That is a fact that I only just learned and there is nothing that can be done about that.

7. I worry now that for the remainder of our marraige that size information is going to be on my mind every single time during sex. 

8. My wife is not an insensitive person, at least most of the time. She just doesn't understand the ramifications of what comes out of her mouth some times, and I don't like the fact that this incident will now always be there for me.


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## that_girl

Well, then this is your marriage.


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## arbitrator

Sure her ex-BF doesn't work for Roto-Rooter?


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## COguy

CuriousIam said:


> Ok this took a different direction than I thought that it would. Here are some facts:
> 
> 1. The ex bf lives in a different state than where we live, and she has not seen him since we have been together.
> 
> 2. We never had a no-ex rule. The check-in is a birthday wish and how is the family doing such thing.
> 
> 3. I only recently informed her that I would have an issue with a friendship, and she asked if she could continue with the annual birthday wishes, and I said yes.
> 
> 4. I'm shocked that this turned into an absolute barrage of there must be 100% no contact iwth an ex. Although out of respect for her, I have not contacted any ex, even with her telling me it was ok to do so. She doesn't think that it is a respect thing or wrong to be friends with an ex. However, she did agree to not seek a friendship with him.
> 
> 5. My first reaction was BS, they had no idea about size.
> 
> 6. They (her and her BF) did apparently measure him and immediatley reported it to the BIL. Of course now, after initially being convinced it was 13, then said it may have been 10. That is a fact that I only just learned and there is nothing that can be done about that.
> 
> 7. I worry now that for the remainder of our marraige that size information is going to be on my mind every single time during sex.
> 
> 8. My wife is not an insensitive person, at least most of the time. She just doesn't understand the ramifications of what comes out of her mouth some times, and I don't like the fact that this incident will now always be there for me.


You missed the point of everything that was said. It's not that she's "just sending birthday wishes". She says hurtful things to you, unremorsefully, obviously she is thinking about it, and then she checks up on him and goes fishing to rekindle a friendship. According to your words, he blows her off. Blows her off what? He blows off birthday wishes?

Slap yourself in the face and then reread your post, pretend someone else is writing it and then give that person advice from your outside perspective. You're a doormat bro.

I'm not a believer in contact with exes, I think it's a really bad idea, but to each their own. If my wife was talking about an exes shaft though, and then putting out the fishing lines once a year, I'd put the kibosh on that in like .1 seconds.


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## Amplexor

CuriousIam said:


> 4. I'm shocked that this turned into an absolute barrage of there must be 100% no contact iwth an ex.


Absolutely no reason for any spouse to have any contact with an X. Add in the fact that she's comparing/complaining about **** size and it's broken glass on the beach my friend. Sooner or later......


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## Shooboomafoo

"She doesn't think that it is a respect thing or wrong to be friends with an ex. "

---the same argument the ex and I got into.. I did say "EX" didnt I?


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## CuriousIam

COguy said:


> You missed the point of everything that was said. It's not that she's "just sending birthday wishes". She says hurtful things to you, unremorsefully, obviously she is thinking about it, and then she checks up on him and goes fishing to rekindle a friendship. According to your words, he blows her off. Blows her off what? He blows off birthday wishes?
> 
> Slap yourself in the face and then reread your post, pretend someone else is writing it and then give that person advice from your outside perspective. You're a doormat bro.
> 
> I'm not a believer in contact with exes, I think it's a really bad idea. But if my wife was talking about an exes shaft, and then putting out the fishing lines once a year, I'd put the kibosh on that in like .1 seconds.


A number of months back, before the size was brought up, I did put the kibosh on a friendship. She asked if the annual birthday email would be ok, and I said yes. Yes there was a fight over it, but she accepted what I demanded, and I aggred to her email request, so I'm not going to look to take it further than that. 

She also stated that the ex, the last time she spoke with him on the phone a couple of years ago (there have been like 2 calls between them over the years) was suffering from depression. And, I guess, to try and convince me that I had nothing to worry about said that it was college love only between them and that she knew it couldn't work out; particularly since they were too alike, in both suffering from depression.


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## CandieGirl

I won't read all the replies to this thread...but, I will add my own .02.

Only an abomination of nature would possess a 13 incher. Your wife is full of it.

What is it with people who regress back to their teenaged years? My 16 year old BF had the biggest wang ever...he was fecking HUGE!!! It was the only one I'd ever seen at that point in my life. I'm sure if I went back now to inspect the goods, he'd be quite...average.


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## Mavash.

CandieGirl said:


> What is it with people who regress back to their teenaged years? My 16 year old BF had the biggest wang ever...he was fecking HUGE!!! It was the only one I'd ever seen at that point in my life. I'm sure if I went back now to inspect the goods, he'd be quite...average.


This made me laugh outloud. LOL


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## Gratitude

People post on TAM for an issue with their spouse, but when they get answers they don't like or that attacks their partner they always backtrack into defending them. Which is probably natural loyalty, but if you've come here for help, it's for a reason. Everybody here is telling you she should have no contact with her ex. Because she should have no contact with her ex. This isn't some guy off in the distance that is no threat. It sounds like she is thinking about him, way too much. And she compared your sizes, I mean really? You say she's not insensitive, she just doesn't think? Yes, because she's insensitive.

You can either take people's advice, or not. But don't turn a blind eye to what's happening because that might help you for a short while, but it's not going to help you in the long run.


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## COguy

CuriousIam said:


> A number of months back, before the size was brought up, I did put the kibosh on a friendship. She asked if the annual birthday email would be ok, and I said yes. Yes there was a fight over it, but she accepted what I demanded, and I aggred to her email request, so I'm not going to look to take it further than that.
> 
> She also stated that the ex, the last time she spoke with him on the phone a couple of years ago (there have been like 2 calls between them over the years) was suffering from depression. And, I guess, to try and convince me that I had nothing to worry about said that it was college love only between them and that she knew it couldn't work out; particularly since they were too alike, in both suffering from depression.


OK, keep making excuses for why it's ok. Ignore the advice of experienced TAMers who have dealt with similar issues in the past. I'm sure your wife was immaculately conceptioned, or as Athol puts it, "Nuns take her dirty bath water to use as Holy Water."

You came on here asking advice about your pecker and ignored the fact that your wife is thoughtless and is ripe for an affair. She's not enjoying sex, she's putting out fishing lines, getting upset about your boundaries, making offhand remarks about penis sizes and old college lovers. You're one drink and a wrong place at the wrong time away from the CWI forum.

Rationalize it all you want, if you can't self-reflect properly about it now, then nothing will help you until your a part of the "nice guys who got cheated on" club. Membership doesn't cost anything, but it's not free. Take it from me.


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## CandieGirl

Gratitude said:


> *People post on TAM for an issue with their spouse, but when they get answers they don't like or that attacks their partner they always backtrack into defending them. *Which is probably natural loyalty, but if you've come here for help, it's for a reason. Everybody here is telling you she should have no contact with her ex. Because she should have no contact with her ex. This isn't some guy off in the distance that is no threat. It sounds like she is thinking about him, way too much. And she compared your sizes, I mean really? You say she's not insensitive, she just doesn't think? Yes, because she's insensitive.
> 
> You can either take people's advice, or not. But don't turn a blind eye to what's happening because that might help you for a short while, but it's not going to help you in the long run.


That's true, but I must say, that sometimes the replies are way out there...I've been guilty of becoming annoyed with some of the replies generated by my threads; partly because I felt misunderstood, and partly because of the way they'd jump all over me, trying to make me sound like an idiot. Ever notice how some posters always have the same kind of matter of fact advice and have no trouble telling everyone exactly what to do in any given situation? My question to those people is...what the hell are you doing on here if your marriage is so bloody perfect and you have ALL the answers????


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## Mavash.

CandieGirl said:


> That's true, but I must say, that sometimes the replies are way out there...I've been guilty of becoming annoyed with some of the replies generated by my threads; partly because I felt misunderstood, and partly because of the way they'd jump all over me, trying to make me sound like an idiot. Ever notice how some posters always have the same kind of matter of fact advice and have no trouble telling everyone exactly what to do in any given situation? My question to those people is...what the hell are you doing on here if your marriage is so bloody perfect and you have ALL the answers????


I know this feeling well. In fact I've had to learn how to not take responses here as a personal attack. I know nobody here knows me and they don't know MY story. 

I'm probably one who is here telling people exactly what to do. I do it because I've been through it, lived to tell the tale and just want to help. I promise from the bottom of my heart I mean no harm and I am working on my delivery to be nicer and less 'harsh'.


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## one_strange_otter

I guess in my experiences, if a guy is more than average then his partner dotes on him to her friends if the opportunity arises. But if he's just average or less then he gets the "it's the motion of the ocean" or "it gets the job done". Man's entire ego is wrapped up in their penis sizes. Personally, I'm average at 5" but I'm also a grower and not a show-er. That's another sore spot that you don't walk around with 5 or 6 inches of penis hanging off you at all times and that it takes getting aroused before anything substantial shows up. Too often you hear the double standard from girls how much they love their husbands big members but in the same sentence say how it doesn't matter really how big you are......as long as your as big as their husband or ex or whatever.


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## that_girl

WOW! She really wants to hold on to this ex. "No friendship but can I have a birthday wish day for him?"

LOL Wow. just...wow. Wake up! She hasn't moved on.


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## that_girl

CandieGirl said:


> That's true, but I must say, that sometimes the replies are way out there...I've been guilty of becoming annoyed with some of the replies generated by my threads; partly because I felt misunderstood, and partly because of the way they'd jump all over me, trying to make me sound like an idiot. Ever notice how some posters always have the same kind of matter of fact advice and have no trouble telling everyone exactly what to do in any given situation? My question to those people is...what the hell are you doing on here if your marriage is so bloody perfect and you have ALL the answers????


Well, the site is "Talk About Marriage". Not, "Talk About BAD Marriage."  A lot of people have experience with this stuff and lived through it. I'd much rather have advice from someone who's been there, than someone who is in it. Although, i don't mind many responses...I just gloss over them if they are ridiculous.


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## one_strange_otter

And under no circumstances do you ever call a penis cute......lol


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## that_girl

one_strange_otter said:


> And under no circumstances do you ever call a penis cute......lol


Not unless it winks at you


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## COguy

CandieGirl said:


> That's true, but I must say, that sometimes the replies are way out there...I've been guilty of becoming annoyed with some of the replies generated by my threads; partly because I felt misunderstood, and partly because of the way they'd jump all over me, trying to make me sound like an idiot. Ever notice how some posters always have the same kind of matter of fact advice and have no trouble telling everyone exactly what to do in any given situation? My question to those people is...what the hell are you doing on here if your marriage is so bloody perfect and you have ALL the answers????


Yes and sometimes I agree with you, I'm probably guilty of it myself. But there are certain posts, and I would lump this into that category, where the writing is on the wall, and to ignore it is a big disservice to the OP.

I have also, mostly when I first came here, seen the jump to conclusion posts which I disagreed with, and then a few weeks later find out that the people that jumped to conclusions were right.

There are some truly bitter people on here who can't accept marriage as a saveable situation. Not every negative post is like that though. Enough rational people are on the same page as me, people who's opinion's I respect, that I don't think this post is a part of what you are saying above. Typically I see that in the "My spouse is acting differently" threads, and everyone jumps the gun that they are cheating.


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## one_strange_otter

that_girl said:


> Not unless it winks at you


Then you would call it a winkie....lol


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## Mavash.

COguy said:


> I have also, mostly when I first came here, seen the jump to conclusion posts which I disagreed with, and then a few weeks later find out that the people that jumped to conclusions were right.


I've been here over a year (I have a new user name) and this has been my experience as well. I used to take the more positive side but not anymore. Usually by the time someone gets here it's worse than what the posters admit to.

These stories all share a common thread and even if cheating isn't involved the scripts are similar.


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## COguy

Mavash. said:


> These stories all share a common thread and even if cheating isn't involved the scripts are similar.


It's crazy. So similar to mine, and about two or three other active threads right now.

Guy knows communication with a person is wrong, puts up half-hearted boundaries. Gets defensive when people call them on it. Is sure that nothing could ever happen because of how irrational or difficult that affair relationship would be (he's ugly or lives soooo far away).

If it didn't happen to me I would think that it's impossible for guys to be so dense. Now when I see it it just irks me, I can not imagine how I was so dumb and naive. I get frustrated seeing someone go through the same thing I did and not have it "click" for them. I guess that's my own personal demons, but I'll still do my best to at least put the bug in people's ear.


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## Laureen

She sounds like a heartless and cruel person. WOW! And for the record, If I was about to be intimate with a man and I saw a 13 inch penis, I would stop everything immediately. My husband is an average man and believe me, he is more than enough! How deep do you think a vagina goes?? LOL. I would bet that her EX BF and her had difficulty in that area and she will never admit that because now she has a way to blame YOU for her sex problems! Cold, cold, heartless woman... My husband is fat and I find him repulsive to look at and my desire is GONE the moment he takes off his clothes. BUT, I would NEVER say that to him. It is MY problem and it certainly has more to do with our marriage problems than it has to do with his weight. After all, he has never looked attractive below the neck (he is not slovenly or grotesquely obese; just man mams and a beer gut)... So, since it never bothered me before and it does now, I KNOW the problem is the marriage NOT his appearance. And I do discuss it with him, kindly. I offer to walk with him so he can reach a more healthy weight because I worry about his health. Whenever HE mentions losing weight, I say, "Hmm... that'd be great!" 

Your wife is mean spirited. I am sorry that she would talk to you like that and insult your sexual endowments. She knows that is the most immediate and lethal blow to a mans self esteem.


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## Traggy

Yeah I heard this entire line. This person is my friend and just because you aren't friends with your exes doesn't mean I can't be. You are being insecure is what I was told.

They are currently together having an affair.


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## sinnister

1. Don't feed the Mogwai after midnight.
2. Don't eat yellow snow.
3. A woman NEVER looks fat in that outfit.
4. Never EVER comment on past lovers penis size.


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## CuriousIam

Laureen said:


> She sounds like a heartless and cruel person. WOW! And for the record, If I was about to be intimate with a man and I saw a 13 inch penis, I would stop everything immediately. My husband is an average man and believe me, he is more than enough! How deep do you think a vagina goes?? LOL. I would bet that her EX BF and her had difficulty in that area and she will never admit that because now she has a way to blame YOU for her sex problems! Cold, cold, heartless woman... My husband is fat and I find him repulsive to look at and my desire is GONE the moment he takes off his clothes. BUT, I would NEVER say that to him. It is MY problem and it certainly has more to do with our marriage problems than it has to do with his weight. After all, he has never looked attractive below the neck (he is not slovenly or grotesquely obese; just man mams and a beer gut)... So, since it never bothered me before and it does now, I KNOW the problem is the marriage NOT his appearance. And I do discuss it with him, kindly. I offer to walk with him so he can reach a more healthy weight because I worry about his health. Whenever HE mentions losing weight, I say, "Hmm... that'd be great!"
> 
> Your wife is mean spirited. I am sorry that she would talk to you like that and insult your sexual endowments. She knows that is the most immediate and lethal blow to a mans self esteem.


She has never blamed her problems on me. She thinks that her sex problems are physical as she has had urinary issues for some time and now requires a cathader to go. Things have stopped working for her down there in the last two years, but we are seeing a sex therapist to try and get things going again. Hence the romantic getway, which was suggested and planned by my wife.

My wife can be mean at times, but I honestly do not believe the remark about size was meant to be mean spirted. Unfortunately she is clueless as to how insensitive and hurtful the remark was. 

I know that everyone is going to go off on her on this, but she also followed up her remark about the size with: "after him (the ex-bf) it took some getting used to me (in reference to my size." She also did say that sex sometimes hurt with him due to his size (as others noted here); not that made me feel any better. 

I wish that I was making this up, but I really don't know how to handle this right now. I'm going to discuss it with her, but I know that she is going to blow it off and say there were no harmful intentions and she is sorry. I raised it briefly after the experience and she did kind of blow it off indicating that I should get over it.

I truly believe she has always been satisfied with our sex life. I have not been satisfied for quantity and quaility reasons and have raised those issues and hence the starting of sex therapy (which she on her own scheduled). She has never said anything prior to this weekend that could have been taken as critisism of our sex life and clearly has enjoyed our sex life in the past. Until a couple of years ago when her physical issues started down there, she would have an orgasim about 80% of the time during sex.


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## Kobo

Stop worrying about 13 inches. Baby's come out of that thing  The power of the vagina to accommodate her partner is an awesome gift


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## bandit.45

CuriousIam said:


> She has never blamed her problems on me. She thinks that her sex problems are physical as she has had urinary issues for some time and now requires a cathader to go. Things have stopped working for her down there in the last two years, but we are seeing a sex therapist to try and get things going again. Hence the romantic getway, which was suggested and planned by my wife.
> 
> My wife can be mean at times, but I honestly do not believe the remark about size was meant to be mean spirted. Unfortunately she is clueless as to how insensitive and hurtful the remark was. I know that everyone is going to go off on this, but she also followed up her remark about the size with "after him (the ex-bf) it took some getting used to me (in reference to size." She also did say that sex sometimes hurt with him due to his size (as others noted here); not that made me feel any better.
> 
> I wish that I was making this up, but I really don't know how to handle this right now. I'm going to discuss it with her, but I know that she is going to blow it off and say there were no harmful intentions and she is sorry. I raised it briefly after the experience and she did kind of blow it off indicating that I should get over it.
> 
> I truly believe she has always been satisfied with our sex life. I have not been satisfied for quantity and quaility reasons and have raised those issues and hence the starting of sex therapy (which she on her own scheduled). She has never said anything prior to this weekend that could have been taken as critisism of our sex life and clearly has enjoyed our sex life in the past. Until a couple of years ago when her physical issues started down there, she would have an orgasim about 80% of the time during sex.


Well now you're saying all is ok and it isn't worth bothering over. Why did you come on here and waste our time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

that_girl said:


> Not unless it winks at you


Or a winky


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

CuriousIam said:


> She has claimed that he blows her off in her efforts to have a friendship.


smoke screen


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## that_girl

Kobo said:


> Stop worrying about 13 inches. Baby's come out of that thing  The power of the vagina to accommodate her partner is an awesome gift


13 inches though? LOL he'd never get it all in. If I go 13 inches from labia, he'd be in my stomach.

Nice.

Vaginas stretch they don't grow longer LOL! Even with the cervix position, it only gives a 1/2inch or so.


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## CuriousIam

bandit.45 said:


> Well now you're saying all is ok and it isn't worth bothering over. Why did you come on here and waste our time?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Where did I say that? I'm upset over her comments, and came her for a sanity check, and to see if I could get any useful feedback. I don't necessarily know that she meant to hurt me, but maybe Im foolish and her comments were made to cause pain. Just seems odd to me that she sets up the weekend where we were having sex and working on things, that she was also planning to hurt me.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Entropy3000 said:


> he blows her off.


no, i think she is blowing him off


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## Traggy

You know why your wife is insensitive and makes those statements and talks about her X?

Because she lacks empathy. Any sound minded person knows words hurt his or her spouse. I have dealt with this first hand man. Normal people do not talk about X's penis sizes or X's in generally. Why is the past being brought up? Why does she want to hold onto a friendship with this guy? Why does she call him on his birthdays?

SHE HAS NOT LET HIM GO! Please do not let denial show you that your wife has narcissistic attributes. Anyone, who says these things to her husband literally is missing key emotional components.

Empathy, Compassion, Thoughtfulness, Respect. She doesn't have a filter because she doesn't worry about the effect that these words have on you. You know its inappropriate and that is why it bothers you.


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## CandieGirl

that_girl said:


> Well, the site is "Talk About Marriage". Not, "Talk About BAD Marriage."  A lot of people have experience with this stuff and lived through it. I'd much rather have advice from someone who's been there, than someone who is in it. Although, i don't mind many responses...I just gloss over them if they are ridiculous.


Yes, and typically, people come here because they've got a problem; not just to spout about how great their partner/sex life/kids are. 

I found the site because I had a problem, not because I wanted all of you to know how wonderful my life is. And they say Facebook is bad!


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## that_girl

Oh, so I spout out? Nice.

 Oh well. You don't need to read my posts  Doesn't bother me any.


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## Traggy

You also know that you would never do that to someone. Because you are morally sound. This is unacceptable behavior and its crossing a boundary that is just going to get worse. Every boundary that gets crossed just opens up the other person to push it harder.


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## strugglinghusband

CuriousIam said:


> She has never blamed her problems on me. She thinks that her sex problems are physical as she has had urinary issues for some time and now requires a cathader to go. Things have stopped working for her down there in the last two years, but we are seeing a sex therapist to try and get things going again. Hence the romantic getway, which was suggested and planned by my wife.
> 
> My wife can be mean at times, but I honestly do not believe the remark about size was meant to be mean spirted. Unfortunately she is clueless as to how insensitive and hurtful the remark was.
> 
> I know that everyone is going to go off on her on this, but she also followed up her remark about the size with: "after him (the ex-bf) it took some getting used to me (in reference to my size." She also did say that sex sometimes hurt with him due to his size (as others noted here); not that made me feel any better.
> 
> I wish that I was making this up, but I really don't know how to handle this right now. I'm going to discuss it with her, but I know that she is going to blow it off and say there were no harmful intentions and she is sorry. I raised it briefly after the experience and she did kind of blow it off indicating that I should get over it.
> 
> I truly believe she has always been satisfied with our sex life. I have not been satisfied for quantity and quaility reasons and have raised those issues and hence the starting of sex therapy (which she on her own scheduled). She has never said anything prior to this weekend that could have been taken as critisism of our sex life and clearly has enjoyed our sex life in the past. Until a couple of years ago when her physical issues started down there, she would have an orgasim about 80% of the time during sex.


The underlined parts are what should be worrying you BIGTIME, you told her those words hurt you (would hurt any man to hear that) and she blew it off, Really??? she is really clueless or she dosent give a damn about YOUR feelings and you should be giving her an education on how she should be treating her husband(you dont have to be an ass)...lack of respect, plain and simple.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

CuriousIam;659603
My wife is not an insensitive person said:


> She just doesn't understand the ramifications of what comes out of her mouth some times = an insensitive person


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## CuriousIam

Traggy said:


> You know why your wife is insensitive and makes those statements and talks about her X?
> 
> Because she lacks empathy. Any sound minded person knows words hurt his or her spouse. I have dealt with this first hand man. Normal people do not talk about X's penis sizes or X's in generally. Why is the past being brought up? Why does she want to hold onto a friendship with this guy? Why does she call him on his birthdays?
> 
> SHE HAS NOT LET HIM GO! Please do not let denial show you that your wife has narcissistic attributes. Anyone, who says these things to her husband literally is missing key emotional components.
> 
> Empathy, Compassion, Thoughtfulness, Respect. She doesn't have a filter because she doesn't worry about the effect that these words have on you. You know its inappropriate and that is why it bothers you.


You may be right. For some reason over the last couple of years she has lost her ability to filter what she says. She has been working on dealing with her lack of a filter in therapy. Obviously, not well enough. Maybe she has not let him go. And maybe its taking more than 20 years for me to see this. What do you do when someone has not let an ex from the past go?


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## that_girl

Have you asked her about this? If you have, does she get defensive and angry at you? I mean the whole "letting go" part.


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## Entropy3000

Actual intercourse aside I do think many women like the looks of a large penis. Otherwise most male strippers would be hunks with average penis sizes.
Female soft porn generally shows men with enviable size. It is what it is. there is at least a primal attraction here. Probably not a lot of women would be saddened if their 5 husband were a 7. Women do dote on their husbands size and not lack of it. Moving along ...

Anyway, she mentioned the size thing. We then find out she was being blown off by this ex lover with the industrial strength equipment. Later we find that there was an argument over this and you agreed to her contacting him on his birthday every year.

So how is this getting off track? The size comment about a lover she had no contact with for 25 years is one thing. The comment about an ex lover she insists on staying in contact with and would like to deepen her contact with is significant.

But that said what do you think about this. I am assuming at the least you wanted to share your story with everyone. What is it you are looking to solve if this is not it?

Now I am thinking she was digging at you for the earlier argument. Maybe without even thinking about it. Why else we she point this out?


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## CandieGirl

that_girl said:


> Oh, so I spout out? Nice.
> 
> Oh well. You don't need to read my posts  Doesn't bother me any.


Come on now, you know what I mean...


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## Shooboomafoo

My wifes "friend" appeard 25 years after she saw him last. A few txt messages, a few posts on facebook, and that was all it took! 
Out like yesterdays trash was I...


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## strugglinghusband

CuriousIam said:


> You may be right. For some reason over the last couple of years she has lost her ability to filter what she says. She has been working on dealing with her lack of a filter in therapy. Obviously, not well enough. Maybe she has not let him go. And maybe its taking more than 20 years for me to see this. What do you do when someone has not let an ex from the past go?


Do you just tolerate what she says, no repurcussions? no talks? basically let her get away with disrepecting you over and over?

You ask, what do you do? YOU STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! thats what you do, go the mens club house section read, no mr nice guy and the other threads, she treats like crap because you let her...What are you prepared to do about it?


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## that_girl

Shooboomafoo said:


> My wifes "friend" appeard 25 years after she saw him last. A few txt messages, a few posts on facebook, and that was all it took!
> Out like yesterdays trash was I...


I don't 'like' this because it's good but because I agree.

This shet is real and I wouldn't be surprised if she just lusts after her ex even if her ex wants no contact. It is possible he wants o contact. he could value his relationship with his wife/gf/whatever.

But it's his wife that has the problem.


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## COguy

CuriousIam said:


> You may be right. For some reason over the last couple of years she has lost her ability to filter what she says. She has been working on dealing with her lack of a filter in therapy. Obviously, not well enough. Maybe she has not let him go. And maybe its taking more than 20 years for me to see this. What do you do when someone has not let an ex from the past go?


You force them to let go, or you let go for them. Unless you enjoy being plan B. Most of the time, from what I see, the not letting go is a symptom of the man's lack of leadership. If you display confidence in yourself, and refuse to be plan b, she will must likely come around. The trick is truly believing that you can and will do better if her attitude doesn't change.


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## Entropy3000

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> no, i think she is blowing him off


Oh my. You went there. That would be a big job.


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## CuriousIam

that_girl said:


> Have you asked her about this? If you have, does she get defensive and angry at you? I mean the whole "letting go" part.


I did not raise it in that context. ,But in challenging her effort to seek a friendship, she stated that it was never going to work between them and it was nothing but college/puppy love. She said that he was her first and so there was always going to be that memory and that connection. But she only wanted a friendship with him and said that I would like him. Early in the marriage, I did not have a jealous bone in me (still don't, I think) and did not care if she was going to be in contact with him. However, they completely lost contact after they broke up and had no contact for about 15 years or so. Only in the last few years did I start to feel uncomfortable with her efforts to reach out to him. Again, she ahs agreed that ther will not be a friendship

Would she ever admit to not letting go?


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## strugglinghusband

What does your gut tell you? deep down, you should know her better than any one, I bet you already know the answer....


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## COguy

CuriousIam said:


> I did not raise it in that context. ,But in challenging her effort to seek a friendship, she stated that it was never going to work between them and it was nothing but college/puppy love. She said that he was her first and so there was always going to be that memory and that connection. But she only wanted a friendship with him and said that I would like him. Early in the marriage, I did not have a jealous bone in me (still don't, I think) and did not care if she was going to be in contact with him. However, they completely lost contact after they broke up and had no contact for about 15 years or so. Only in the last few years did I strat to feel uncomfortable with her efforts to reach out to him. Would she ever admit to not letting go?


Read No More Mr. Nice Guy and Married Men Sex Life. Your wife no longer respects you, so she is going to look outside the marriage for someone to be the man. This gentlemen fits the bill nicely, but anyone else will do in a pinch.

You need to start incorporating some "Alpha" traits into your life. Mainly, sticking up for yourself.

This kind of fond rememberance for an ex lover should be squashed immediately. It is poisonous and hurtful. That you let her do it without consequence plants the seed in her mind that you do not have the strength to keep her. She can begin fishing and you will tacitly approve through your inaction.

You probably noticed it in the last few years because your radar is going off that something isn't right. As it should be, because your wife is ripe for an affair.


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## that_girl

Yea. My first was in college and we have no contact. No desire to contact either.

In the past, the exes I contacted (before marriage) was because I missed that part of my life...I romanticized the past. I wanted to feel wanted again. 

Most people, when confronted by something they know is wrong, will be angry and deny everything...innocent people react differently. You'd be able to tell, you know her well.

but your feelings DO MATTER and something is telling you to question this. It's not jealousy. It's marriage preservation.


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## that_girl

Lack.of.respect.


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## Laureen

Well, I hope that your sex therapy works for you and her. I would like to comment on one thing here, you say you don't think she was meaning to be hurtful with her comment because she followed it up with some smoothing to make you feel better. You greatly underestimate her... EVERY woman knows how to be passive/aggressive in speech, so that just the right words are said to cause pain but also to be able to 'spin it' in the other direction of "I did not mean it to hurt you." Indeed, we absolutely know very well how to cut deep with a twinkle in our eyes and a smile on our face, leaving the guy to wonder "did she intend to hurt me or did I hear it wrong?" We choose our words very well. I could deeply would my husband and he would not even feel it happen if I used the right words. ALL women know how to do this. ALL of us! You even said that if you discuss this with her she will blow it off and say there were no harmful intentions... If this is how she handles it, she has no regard for your feelings. 

If you have not already invited God into your marriage, please do so. He has the ability to create miracles.


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## strugglinghusband

that_girl said:


> Lack.of.respect.


Oh (Sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little respect (Sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me)
Whoa, babe (Just a little bit)
A little respect (Just a little bit)


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Laureen said:


> Well, I hope that your sex therapy works for you and her. I would like to comment on one thing here, you say you don't think she was meaning to be hurtful with her comment because she followed it up with some smoothing to make you feel better. You greatly underestimate her... EVERY woman knows how to be passive/aggressive in speech, so that just the right words are said to cause pain but also to be able to 'spin it' in the other direction of "I did not mean it to hurt you." Indeed, we absolutely know very well how to cut deep with a twinkle in our eyes and a smile on our face, leaving the guy to wonder "did she intend to hurt me or did I hear it wrong?" We choose our words very well. I could deeply would my husband and he would not even feel it happen if I used the right words. ALL women know how to do this. ALL of us! You even said that if you discuss this with her she will blow it off and say there were no harmful intentions... If this is how she handles it, she has no regard for your feelings.


oh gawd, do i agree with this!

and from a woman none the less.


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## working_together

that_girl said:


> WOW! She really wants to hold on to this ex. "No friendship but can I have a birthday wish day for him?"
> 
> LOL Wow. just...wow. Wake up! She hasn't moved on.


Maybe they can celebrate his birthday together and she can help him "blow" out the candles.


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## Jeff/BC

CuriousIam said:


> I'm now having a hard time getting past this. Do I just need to suck it up and know that it was prior to me, and I'm the one she married. Or am I right in being bothered by this. I keep thinking that what she said will now be in my head the remainder of our marraige and certainly any time I'm being inspected. Sucks.


Very assuredly this is one of those issues that can only really be addressed between you two. 

For Carol and I, this would not be an issue. In fact, I'd love to hear about it. I understand that Carol has a past. I'm devoutly grateful that that past brought her lots of good experiences. Some of those experiences were sexual and ones that I cannot replicate. 

The idea that any of that might threaten me just can't get any traction because she makes it so abundantly clear that I am, by far, the best thing that ever happened to her. Not just "by far" -- by "really, really, really, unimaginably far" In short, I don't find it hard to be gracious from the winner's podium LOL.

All that being said, how this plays out in your relationship is between you and yours. If it hurts, it hurts and that hurt must be addressed or else it will surely fester. But how, exactly, is she to address it? She cannot change the past. He was large and she liked it. Do you wish her to lie or hide the truth from you? You should probably give some serious thought to what it is you're hoping for. Setting people impossible challenges is never well thought out.


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## Jeff/BC

eagleclaw said:


> But heres the thing. I have had 10 yrs to learn her. I can make her c-um in 2 minutes. I can do it repeatedly. I know exactly what she likes and dislikes. And I'm still learning new buttons all the time.


... an EXCELLENT point. It isn't just that Carol loves the guy she's with but secretly pines for some previous gig. As you say, I've spent 15 years learning her body and I am very, very good at it... and getting better all the time. She readily acknowledges and relishes the fact that I can play her body like the proverbial violin. Even when considered in the purely carnal measures, I don't find it hard to be gracious from the winner's podium.

AND, I hardly think I'm some sort of sexual virtuoso. My general understanding is that this is what happens when love and time have a chance to work.


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## Accipiter777

CuriousIam said:


> We just had a romantic getaway to try and work on sex issues as my wife has lost a good bit of her sensataion with sex and has stopped having orgasims, thus leading to lack of sexual desire.
> 
> While talking many things sexual, she informed me, after 22 years of marriage, that he, her one and only BF prior to me from 25 years ago measured in at 13", twice my size. Quote - "It took some getting used to you." All said matter of factly. But to me it sounded like she was saying she downgraded in going to me. She didn't use those words. I didn't ask for that info and I wasn't lookiing for it. It just came out while she was "checking me out."
> 
> One time before while trying to do a certain position she had said that she was able to do it with the BF but that it was probably because he was bigger than me. There was no mention of size then.
> 
> I'm now having a hard time getting past this. Do I just need to suck it up and know that it was prior to me, and I'm the one she married. Or am I right in being bothered by this. I keep thinking that what she said will now be in my head the remainder of our marraige and certainly any time I'm being inspected. Sucks.


Maybe you should tell her "It's not that my d i c k is small, it's that your p u s s y is big." 

I read this to my wife, and we both are horrified at this insensitive remark... no different then a man tellin his girl, "so-n-so's breasts where bigger.", "She had such a nice shape", "she was so good at oral sex".


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## Tall Average Guy

Jeff/BC said:


> ... an EXCELLENT point. *It isn't just that Carol loves the guy she's with but secretly pines for some previous gig. *As you say, I've spent 15 years learning her body and I am very, very good at it... and getting better all the time. She readily acknowledges and relishes the fact that I can play her body like the proverbial violin. Even when considered in the purely carnal measures, I don't find it hard to be gracious from the winner's podium.


The problem is that it sure sounds like the OP's wife is doing just this. She remember's him fondly, being at best very insensitive to her husband, and is still trying to contact him and strike up a friendship, despite the old BF ignoring her. I don't know that she is pining for him, but looking at the circumstances as a whole, it is not an unreasonable conclusion to draw.

Chosing not to be hurt about the "truth" is much easier when the spouse delivers that truth with a whole lot of sugar.


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## A Bit Much

I would imagine saying something like this to your husband is the equivalent of a husband telling his wife she's fat.

Think it.... but for heavens sake don't say it OUT LOUD lol


----------



## humanbecoming

Ok, I've tried to be good, but just have to...

10" it's pretty darn unlikely, but 13"? I call bull to her.

Here is the actual "world record" holder for packing the most meat. He is 13.5"
There are no raunchy photos, but enough to give you an idea. As a guy, it's kinda awe inspiring in a freakish sort of way, but no way would I want anything near that:

http://weirdnews.about.com/od/weirdphotos/ss/Worlds-Biggest-Penis.htm


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## bandit.45

This is from Wikipedia:

_"The longest officially documented human penis was found by Doctor Robert Latou ****inson. *It was 34.3 cm (13.5 in) long and 15.9 cm (6.26 in) around."[/*I]

That means your wife's ex-lover was a near world record holder.

Ask your wife if she can decipher this anagram: BLUSTIHL.

Also from Wikipedia:

"While results vary across studies, the consensus is that the average erect human penis is approximately 12.9–15 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length with 95% of adult males falling within the interval (10.7 cm, 19.1 cm) or (4.23 in, 7.53 in). Neither patient age nor size of the flaccid penis accurately predicted erectile length. Stretched length Closely most correlated with Erect length. The typical girth or circumference is approximately 12.3 cm (4.84 in) when fully erect. The average penis size is slightly larger than the median size (i.e., most penises are below average in size).

Length of the flaccid penis does not necessarily correspond to length of the erect penis; some smaller flaccid penises grow much longer, while some larger flaccid penises grow comparatively less. Among all apes, the human penis is the largest, both in length and girth.

A research project, summarizing dozens of published studies conducted by physicians of different nationalities, shows that, worldwide, erect-penis size averages vary between 9.6 and 16 cm (3.8 and 6.3 in). It has been suggested that this difference is caused not only by genetics but also by environmental factors such as fertility medications, culture, diet, and chemical/pollution exposure. Endocrine disruption resulting from chemical exposure has been linked to genital deformation in both sexes (among many other problems).

Circumcised men are on average 8 millimeters shorter in terms of erect length compared to their intact counterparts."_


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## Beowulf

Curious,

You mentioned that your wife has had issues in regards to your sexual life together due to some medical problems. You also mentioned that she has made an appointment with a sex therapist. I'm just throwing this at the wall and seeing if it sticks but is it possible that she feels she is being blamed for the lack of a sex life and this comment was her "attacking back." I'm not saying you did anything wrong or even said anything remotely mean to her but maybe she is perceiving blame being sent her way even if it isn't or is not intentional.

Just wondering.


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## humanbecoming

I'm not a woman, but I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a guy like that as your first! My wife was a virgin when we met, and says that it was uncomfortable the first couple times- and I'm average in size!


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## Entropy3000

Stand back Eve I don't know how big this thing is going to get!!


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## Runs like Dog

My d^ck is a Harley, you kick it to start

- Zappa


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## Chelle D

Skipping replies..


She's flat our lying about the 13 inches. Bull. 

She's trying to hurt your feelings for some reason.... Or trying to blame you for her loss of feelings down there.

If her previous b.f. was 13inches... (maybe 13 centimeters??) but if it was 13 inches, then it was a dildo.


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## Shaggy

Your wife is outright nasty. You should have offered to drive her over to him with her clothes in a suitcase.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc

sinnister said:


> 1. Don't feed the Mogwai after midnight.
> 2. Don't eat yellow snow.
> 3. A woman NEVER looks fat in that outfit.
> 4. Never EVER comment on past lovers penis size.


You forgot 
5. Never get involved in a land war in southeast Asia 
6. Never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line

However I agree with the others. Your wife either consciously or unconsciously is throwing a dig at you. Try to find out what's up.


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## AFEH

CuriousIam said:


> Annual kind of check-in stuff. But I think that is it. She has claimed that he blows her off in her efforts to have a friendship. That's a good thing at this point or our marriage would significantly suffer.


You of course realise you are your wife's Plan B? To me it sounds as though she keeps in touch just in case he becomes available. Meanwhile, she's with you.


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## AFEH

CuriousIam said:


> Where did I say that? I'm upset over her comments, and came her for a sanity check, and to see if I could get any useful feedback. I don't necessarily know that she meant to hurt me, but maybe Im foolish and her comments were made to cause pain. Just seems odd to me that she sets up the weekend where we were having sex and working on things, that she was also planning to hurt me.


Yes. Your wife's comments may have been born out of passive aggression. And as such actually designed to hurt. And in that she certainly succeeded.


The problem is, if it is PA, the more you bring it up with her, the more she is going to hurt you.

Many man have exceptionally poor boundaries and let these things right inside of them, all the way through to their heart and soul and that’s where it hurts.


Get yourself into personal boundaries such that you detach in some ways from your wife such that you just don’t let those things inside of you. Relationship Book, Self Help Relationship Book For a Man, Best Manual for Men is a good place to start but do read up on and become an expert in your personal boundaries.


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## AFEH

CuriousIam said:


> You may be right. For some reason over the last couple of years she has lost her ability to filter what she says. She has been working on dealing with her lack of a filter in therapy. Obviously, not well enough. Maybe she has not let him go. And maybe its taking more than 20 years for me to see this. What do you do when someone has not let an ex from the past go?


What do you do? You let her go. You're better off by yourself than with a woman who's in love with another man.


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## AFEH

Laureen said:


> Well, I hope that your sex therapy works for you and her. I would like to comment on one thing here, you say you don't think she was meaning to be hurtful with her comment because she followed it up with some smoothing to make you feel better. You greatly underestimate her... EVERY woman knows how to be passive/aggressive in speech, so that just the right words are said to cause pain but also to be able to 'spin it' in the other direction of "I did not mean it to hurt you." Indeed, we absolutely know very well how to cut deep with a twinkle in our eyes and a smile on our face, leaving the guy to wonder "did she intend to hurt me or did I hear it wrong?" We choose our words very well. I could deeply would my husband and he would not even feel it happen if I used the right words. ALL women know how to do this. ALL of us! You even said that if you discuss this with her she will blow it off and say there were no harmful intentions... If this is how she handles it, she has no regard for your feelings.
> 
> If you have not already invited God into your marriage, please do so. He has the ability to create miracles.


My wife was an expert in PA. I truly admire and respect your candidness, honesty and openness.


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## memyselfandi

Good Lord...who the hell cares about size, to be honest!!

Again, to be honest, sex is about foreplay..both IN and OUT of the bedroom!!! Just makes me want to shake my head in disbelief as the best sex is sex between two people that love each other completely and has absolutely little to do about size.

Many of us women have been with sizable men...and in my case..the majority of them were fairly selfish and lousy lovers.

Sex isn't always about size...but in the foreplay before it....something men don't often realize.

To me, foreplay might be flirting with my while I'm making dinner for the kids as in flirting with me and telling me that I look mighty "hot" in that sweatshirt and pair of sweats I just worked out in.

Foreplay might be calling me at work telling me that he's thinking about me during the day and he can't get me out of his mind.

He may leave a little message on the bathroom mirror, "I love you" or he might write it on the snow on my car..

Good foreplay could also mean a small little touch on my shoulder while I'm sitting with the kids at dinner, while he whispers in my ear.."Later gator...hehehehe"

It's the little things that matter in foreplay and it doesn't always have to happen in the bedroom. However..it makes getting to the bedroom and having the best sex ever sooooo much better~~!!


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## Complexity

It isn't only about size anymore, apparently girth and curvature are important.


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## jnj express

Hey Curious----I am only gonna comment on the mean remarks

How old are you 2---mid 40's/early 50's??

My wife throws, out nasty comments here and there, about various things, we have been married 33 years, I come back at her, and let her know right up front, that they are nasty, she knows it----

It goes with the territory---as people get older, they get crankier, it happens to everyone---it just goes with the territory, of getting older.

You learn to live with it, and if you need to, you fire back, about how you don't like the comments, and to cut it.-------

Things pretty much go back to normal---right after that

As to her yearly check-in with her X/Lover---listen to everyone else---they are pretty much rite on with their advise!!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

jnj express said:


> It goes with the territory---as people get older, they get crankier, it happens to everyone---it just goes with the territory, of getting older.


oh my gawd, i hope not...
i cant afford to be any more cranky :/


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## jelichmann

My guess is that she it's starting to get self-conscious with age and somehow blames herself for lack of sensation during sex. So, she subconsciously puts that onto you in the form of PA derision about your own virility/ability to give her pleasure. Unfortunately, penis size is a VERY sensitive issue for every single guy, even the 'big' ones.

You're going to need to talk to her about all this stuff and make it clear that it's just...Not something you want to hear about. I mean, if it isn't it isn't, no matter how 'honest' you want her to be with you. Some things just shouldn't be said. You're also going to need to reconcile with her past lovers, and that's going to take some work. 

Eliminate the thought that she married you as a backup or second-best...It's simply not true and it will quickly erode your self-esteem. Your wife loves you, has always loved you, and will continue to do so. She may be mean, toxic and mean spirited, but somewhere in there that love remains.

Lastly - She's flat out lying about 13", and even 10" would be statistically improbable to say the least.


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## Parrot_head

Maybe she was measuring in centimeters..
Or... she was measuring from his Bungholio..

In that case , Im 17 "


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## sandc

Parrot_head said:


> Maybe she was measuring in centimeters..
> Or... she was measuring from his Bungholio..
> 
> In that case , Im 17 "


I'm almost 3 feet when measured from the tip of my nose. :liar:


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