# Relocating for Wife's Job - Leaving Career Behind - No Empathy from Wife



## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

Let me preface by stating COVID has made the issues below much worse and much like everyone else - We did not plan on this. 

My wife and I will be relocating in the coming days for her new job. We have been living in different states since March and I am back in our home with our 2 children (6 yo & 2 yo). There has been some commuting back and fourth but not as much as she said back in March. 

I am still in our home teaching our 6 yo, taking care of a wild 2 yo, and also completing my contract as a collegiate coach and lecturer. On top of that I have been handling the sale of our home and the packing process. 

My issues lie in my conversations with my wife... When saying I am stressed or asking for some empathy for my struggles in holding down the house, taking care of our children, resigning from a job I love and players I don't want to leave....she is unable to provide me any emotional support. If I bring up anything - she reminds me she is working full time in a new job and she is the one stressed.... She has a one-up mentality. If you tired - she is more tired. If you are stressed - she is more stressed.. you get the idea. I have to hear her problems - never lends an ear for my concerns. 

I am giving up my career, a place I love, friends, and what I want to do with my life to pursue a path that could be best for our family (still TBD IMO). 

How do you share your side with this type of personality? She is very resentful and holds on to every wrongdoing. Talking to her about anything she could have done wrong is like presenting a case in a court of law. I need my arguments laid out with supporting evidence. 

I need something - but I am drifting towards resentment. Leaving her almost seems easier.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She's in another state? Is that right?

From what you have said, it might not be worth you giving up a job that you like and have worked hard for. 

Have you seriously considered divorce? You might want to talk to an attorney to see what you could do to make sure that she cannot taken them to another state.

What percentage of your joint income do you earn?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@MidWestCoach, I hear you. Many trailing spouses go through this. I’ve moved many times around the world for my husbands career and I earned much more than him when we started off. It can be draining and a thankless task juggling everything to allow your spouse to do what they have to do. Just calmly share with her all the things you do. The majority of trailing spouses are women as they are more willing to take a back seat for H career, they give birth etc. However, you must realise that your own career can take a hit if you trail after her. Where do you see yourself in 5-10 yrs. sit down with her and plan. If your own personal career plans are affected you need to consider whether you want to move at all.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Any relationship should be balanced. Yours is lopsided already. With this move it’ll get worse.

IMO you are putting yourself at a disadvantage for what?

you should read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover

Its a free pdf download.









Robert Glover No More Mr Nice Guy : Robert Glover : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive


Self Help



archive.org


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

,@MidWestCoach is you're wife's lack of empathy typical behavior for her (has she always been like this) or is this new?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

I understand how you feel. I’ve moved away once, but I moved for my husband’s job. I had two kids, worked full time and was selling a house. The only difference was that I was on board with the move. It was difficult leaving friends that worked with and family as well. Once I moved...with time, I became resentful towards my husband. I was grieving all the losses and didn’t realize it. and as a result, he became the target of my unhappiness. Our marriage did suffer as a result. We had made a 2 year plan to move back if things didn’t work out.
I ended up leaving because I felt lonely and resentful. Moving is a big deal, I learned that. You are making a sacrifice and I think what your looking for is for wife to acknowledge that. My advice to you is to make a plan and ask your wife to listen to how you are feeling without interruption. Tell her that you will listen to her after and how she feels after your done speaking your peace. Decide what the main goal is for the two of you so you can be on the same page. People move all the time, but it’s important that the two of you discuss your feelings and goals together. How were things before she moved and before this pandemic?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The next time you talk to her, tell her that you are rethinking the situation. Working, taking care of two children, homeschooling, keeping the house up and packing are getting to be too difficult for you. Besides, you like your job and coworkers. Just let it hang there and see how she responds. You're looking for some empathy and compassion. If she responds otherwise, then you have an entitled princess on your hands.


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

Lila said:


> ,@MidWestCoach is you're wife's lack of empathy typical behavior for her (has she always been like this) or is this new?


Her lack of empathy has grown over the years. We have been married for 8 years and together for 10. 

She is never wrong (never apologizes for any actions) and I am always in the wrong. How I feel or see things is not correct unless as I noted I provided clear evidence as noted earlier.


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

Bobbyjo said:


> I understand how you feel. I’ve moved away once, but I moved for my husband’s job. I had two kids, worked full time and was selling a house. The only difference was that I was on board with the move. It was difficult leaving friends that worked with and family as well. Once I moved...with time, I became resentful towards my husband. I was grieving all the losses and didn’t realize it. and as a result, he became the target of my unhappiness. Our marriage did suffer as a result. We had made a 2 year plan to move back if things didn’t work out.
> I ended up leaving because I felt lonely and resentful. Moving is a big deal, I learned that. You are making a sacrifice and I think what your looking for is for wife to acknowledge that. My advice to you is to make a plan and ask your wife to listen to how you are feeling without interruption. Tell her that you will listen to her after and how she feels after your done speaking your peace. Decide what the main goal is for the two of you so you can be on the same page. People move all the time, but it’s important that the two of you discuss your feelings and goals together. How were things before she moved and before this pandemic?



Leaving is my biggest concern - because my children are there and to be honest they need me. 

She is irrational, over the top in her assessment of their behavior, often just mean to them... I am the balance in their world.

Talking to her is a good idea and I appreciative the idea of developing a plan with a timeline. 

We are moving from a house we love to a rented townhome to start and that is going to cause issues bc we don't even have enough room for our stuff....


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Why did you agree to the move?

Is she the main breadwinner-- does she earn the bulk of the income in the marriage?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

MidWestCoach said:


> Leaving is my biggest concern - because my children are there and to be honest they need me.
> 
> She is irrational, over the top in her assessment of their behavior, often just mean to them... I am the balance in their world.
> 
> ...


I don’t understand what you mean by saying your wife is irrational and mean to the kids? Can you explain a little more? Is this behaviour new?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

You need to listen to blondie... 

Tell you something else, you are in danger of being a stay at home dad which, with a woman like your wife, is a death nail to your marriage. 

Wont be long before she find a hot rich, or hot young guy at work to start screwing... because she has lost respect. 

You are coaching at collage level, that is a big deal. 

YOU HAVE TO STOP BEING A NICE GUY WITH YOUR WIFE. It is going to ruin you...

Also, your kids will be fine, and your entitled wife will act like she want them but she will probably let you have primary custody. She and her high powered career cannot be bothered...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> Also, your kids will be fine, and your entitled wife will act like she want them but she will probably let you have primary custody. She and her high powered career cannot be bothered...


Parents who stay together don't always make better parents. 

My sister got a divorce. she did admit to bargaining though. The girls have said things like they don't ever want to get married. OTOH, socially and professionally they're doing very well. And they seemed to have found some peace with their father.


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Why did you agree to the move?
> 
> Is she the main breadwinner-- does she earn the bulk of the income in the marriage?


She is the main breadwinner and this new role provides a significant increase in salary. She has recently completed her PhD and new doors opened. 

In the end - I just want her to recognize what I am experiencing thru this process. Some understanding of what I am leaving behind and the stress I am experiencing.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

MidWestCoach said:


> Let me preface by stating COVID has made the issues below much worse and much like everyone else - We did not plan on this.
> 
> My wife and I will be relocating in the coming days for her new job. We have been living in different states since March and I am back in our home with our 2 children (6 yo & 2 yo). There has been some commuting back and fourth but not as much as she said back in March.
> 
> ...


Wife doesn't even live there now?
Living, working in another state?
With lots of men I am sure.
Yeah, these situations always,turn out great.
It doesn't sound like you wanted to quit...or move.
Maybe you shouldn't.
As long as you have enough to live all that additional money is just an elusion of it bringing happiness.
A happy, close family being together is successs not the highest income....not when you give up everything to get it.
What is her career by the way?
Is she away all the time...travel for work...late hours?


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

Bobbyjo said:


> I don’t understand what you mean by saying your wife is irrational and mean to the kids? Can you explain a little more? Is this behaviour new?


Example - 2 year old throwing a tantrum bc he doesn't get what he wants. Not something new for that age - but she is like "You need to figure something out with him or I have to leave (and hides in her room on her phone if she believes the kids are too much). 

She often snaps at our daughter for simply asking 6 year old questions - You already asked that...and freaks if a kid spills or makes a mess... he is 2... When we visit her in our new home (and after she hasn't seen the kids for 2-3 weeks) she quickly avoids the kids and leaves the care for me frequently. She "just can't take it" or "they are too loud"...


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

MidWestCoach said:


> She is the main breadwinner and this new role provides a significant increase in salary. She has recently completed her PhD and new doors opened.
> 
> In the end - I just want her to recognize what I am experiencing thru this process. Some understanding of what I am leaving behind and the stress I am experiencing.


Bud, she doesn’t care. You want to be a martyr go ahead but you’ll find it’s a thankless job. She will dump you at some point. She thinks she’s worth more than you.

Id see an attorney find out what my rights are. You are In denial about what’s ahead of you.

Better wake up now.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Since she can't handle the kids, consider going for full custody. Don't be too proud to ask for child support and alimony - she got that PhD on your time.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

MidWestCoach said:


> In the end - I just want her to recognize what I am experiencing thru this process. Some understanding of what I am leaving behind and the stress I am experiencing.


Are you reading what you wrote? You want her... You want to fix her... She has been like this and has only got worse. 

Can you see how codependent you are, how much of a "Nice Guy" you are, how much of a doormat you are being...

Listen, I know this is a lot. You wrote a few post below that basically she does not even like the kids... AND YOU THINK THAT IS OK????

Go back and read your thread again.... Think about what YOU are saying, much less the other posters.

You are setting yourself up for huge pain. Let me ask you this, before she left, what was your sex life like during the marriage? Was it frequent, enjoyable? 

When you go see her, what is sex like then???? Further, why in the hell are you going to see her? Would it not be easier for ONE PERSON to come see you than three go see her? 

Do you see how messed up you have allowed her to treat you????


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

MidWestCoach said:


> Example - 2 year old throwing a tantrum bc he doesn't get what he wants. Not something new for that age - but she is like "You need to figure something out with him or I have to leave (and hides in her room on her phone if she believes the kids are too much).
> 
> She often snaps at our daughter for simply asking 6 year old questions - You already asked that...and freaks if a kid spills or makes a mess... he is 2... When we visit her in our new home (and after she hasn't seen the kids for 2-3 weeks) she quickly avoids the kids and leaves the care for me frequently. She "just can't take it" or "they are too loud"...


No wonder you are feeling apprehensive about moving. Sorry to say, it sounds like your wife has a one track mind. Focused so much on her own success and career that she could be damaging the marriage and her relationship with the kids. You reap what you sow. If the kids feel like an inconvenience to her...which it sounds like they are, one day she will get back what she gave. You are in a tough place. Wanting to have a family and protect yourself and your kids. I could be way off...but it’s the sense I’m getting from what you’ve described.


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

BluesPower said:


> Are you reading what you wrote? You want her... You want to fix her... She has been like this and has only got worse.
> 
> Can you see how codependent you are, how much of a "Nice Guy" you are, how much of a doormat you are being...
> 
> ...


All good points and thank you for the clarity. I really do appreciate it. 

Sex = 1-2x per month... has been worse at stages. 

I asked the same questions about us coming to see her - driving is too much after a stressful week working and living alone. 

Lastly - she has a sidekick friend that they gather to talk **** about their husbands. I have found the text messages and she claims to be partially joking...but not really. 

We are moving on Monday and she flies home on Sunday to help with the move. I have resigned my job at this point and the house is sold. 

As I said in the first post - COVID has made it worse obviously. Without it - the kids are in the school and daycare and I have a life outside of my marriage/family. It has only revealed many of the issues. 

Thank you again!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don’t expect her to wake up and become this empathetic person who cares what her husband thinks and wants and is involved with her kids. What you’re seeing is who she is. My ex-husband was 100% focused on his career. Family was a very distant second. I had my own career to deal with, as well as a child, and over the years we moved several times because of my husband’s career.

I was the one left behind wrapping up our old life while he immediately moved on to our new life. None of that was easy and I would choose a much different life if I had it to do over. I can tell you from experience that the one who makes the majority of the money is the one with the majority of the power. I lived it and I don’t recommend it.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Seems to me like she enjoys the single life. You should oblige her.


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Oh man! There is a semi tractor trailer heading straight for you!!!! 

with her narcissistic tendencies, along with those new doors opening up due to her new PhD, plus you being a stay at home dad, I think you need to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst!!!

as soon as you move, go to the bank and open a safety deposit box in your name only. Every now and then buy a gold coin or two and place it in the box as a rainy day/ investment opportunity.

good luck, stay strong, and always do whatever you need to do so that you can look yourself in the mirror


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

MidWestCoach said:


> You need to figure something out with him or I have to leave


Well, I''m just a country boy. But I'm enough of a country boy to know that PhD sometimes just means "piled higher and deeper".

Your wife is a BULLY. She may be an educated bully..... those are the best kind. Bullies go down hard when you punch back.

People like your wife are TAKERS. They are entitled to USE you to get whatever they want, then, when anything needs to be given in return, they refuse. People like your wife utterly pi$$ me off.

#1 - you do not need her sympathy, her empathy, her compassion, her understanding, nor anything else about her. You and your kids and your career will all be just fine with her gone. And, you will find a decent, morally-upright woman who is a GIVER, and being a giver yourself, you will have a marriage made in heaven and be happy in the rest of your life.

Get yourself a barracuda lawyer, and sock it to her. Tell her to phucking stay gone. Keep her AWAY from your kids as completely and totally as the judge will grant. Take ALL her money. Keep your career, your house, and your kids.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Okay so it seems like the roles are reversed from what is more common in couples. Your wife is the main breadwinner. And now--she got a new job with a significant pay increase, and the family is moving to the new job location. You stayed behind with the kids to wrap things up in the old location and then will join her. Meanwhile, she has her own stress going on starting this new job.

She'll be the only breadwinner until you find a new job, is that correct?

There are countless women who have been in this position, wrapping up life in a previous location, with the kids, while their husband goes and starts the new job, and the family will join him when they can. Each party has their own stress, the one finishing up details in the old place, and the person starting the new job that will support the family. I get you want empathy for your stress, but I also understand why she might not have much if she is feeling totally overwhelmed starting this new position--- and now the family of 4 is completely financially dependent upon her.

Did you voice objection to the decision to move?? 

As to her behavior with the kids, that is awful, and would personally be a deal breaker for me, I'd divorce. Didn't you have the concerns about this huge issue before now? Why have you never addressed it??


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Okay so it seems like the roles are reversed from what is more common in couples. Your wife is the main breadwinner. And now--she got a new job with a significant pay increase, and the family is moving to the new job location. You stayed behind with the kids to wrap things up in the old location and then will join her. Meanwhile, she has her own stress going on starting this new job.
> 
> She'll be the only breadwinner until you find a new job, is that correct?
> 
> ...


Any person that allows themselves to be treated like she is should have their head examined. 

I know it happens but people have to wake up, male or female...


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

MidWestCoach said:


> Example - 2 year old throwing a tantrum bc he doesn't get what he wants. Not something new for that age - but she is like "You need to figure something out with him or I have to leave (and hides in her room on her phone if she believes the kids are too much).
> 
> She often snaps at our daughter for simply asking 6 year old questions - You already asked that...and freaks if a kid spills or makes a mess... he is 2... When we visit her in our new home (and after she hasn't seen the kids for 2-3 weeks) she quickly avoids the kids and leaves the care for me frequently. She "just can't take it" or "they are too loud"...


This is a big red flag for me.

I've followed my husband's career our entire marriage. I've moved to 7 different states, and I had to start over from zero every single time. But we have a supportive and loving marriage. Moving was something we looked forward to.

Your wife seems very unattached from her children and that is very, very sad. Children grow up too fast. Those temper tantrums are not going to last forever. Those 6 year old cute questions are not going to last forever. She's missing out those milestones because her career is more important. For me that is very sad. 
It seems no one in the family is getting mom's empathy or support.

If she can't even handle her own children, what makes you think she's going to be there to support you? I'm guessing she needs you to take care of her children while she gets to the top. That's not good for you.

Why is she married to you? How does she see you? Was she ever supportive of your career?

I would suggest you stand your ground and not move but I don't know if you really want to do that. It seems you just need a little bit of support and encouragement to go ahead and move.

If you are set on moving, what are your plans for when you get there? Are you looking for a job already? 

I don't think you or your children are going to get your wife's time or support. This is something you need to think about and figure out if you are willing to accept. Otherwise, you need to move on, she can have her career you can have the children and your career. 

Sorry you are going through this.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Kamstel2 said:


> Oh man! *There is a semi tractor trailer heading straight for you!!!! *
> 
> with her narcissistic tendencies, along with those new doors opening up due to her new PhD, plus you being a stay at home dad, I think you need to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst!!!
> 
> ...


Its gonna happen. Just a question of when. The bigger problem is you’ll be stuck In a new area without support.

She’s got the new job and saddled with a husband she has no respect for. She’ll find someone to talk with about her tales of woe. He’ll be everything you aren’t then you’ll get the “I love you but am not in love with you“ speech. Then the process of dumping you while you try and cling on (Doing it for the kids, etc.)

Read up you’re gonna need it. However, it only works if you fully apply it.








Robert Glover No More Mr Nice Guy : Robert Glover : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive


Self Help



archive.org


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

MidWestCoach said:


> All good points and thank you for the clarity. I really do appreciate it.
> 
> Sex = 1-2x per month... has been worse at stages.
> 
> ...



It's somewhat unfortunate that you didn't post about six weeks prior, you might have had some other options.
However, now that you are jobless and no longer own a home, your options are severely limited.
If you would have posted six weeks prior, I'd have advised you to keep the job, house and kids put and tell her that she could go have her career by herself. From what you have said, she could make her current contribution to the household via phone, text, facetime, e-mail and direct deposit.
From what you have relayed, you are merely a servant to her. She does not care to parent, except when it is easy and fits her agenda. She doesn't seem to respect you much, given that she seems to enjoy trashing you to her best buds. She is all about her, and like someone said previously, probably wishes she was single.
At this point, you probably have no other option but to make the move. If you don't have one, you need to build the financial infrastructure to be separated. Move with the kids, and when you get to your new destination, start laying the foundation for a life without her. Make friends separate from her, develop interests without her, and start distancing yourself from her. Concentrate on the kids. Study up on and do a subtle 180. the 180 is for you, but see how she reacts. If she notices the separation, and shows genuine concern and remorse for her behavior, you may have something to work with. You probably won't, but you need to prepare yourself. She will get caught up in the academic life, it will be all about her career, she will meet some prof or academic, and next thing you know, there will be an affair, or you will be kicked curbside.
It is obvious that you need agency in your relationship. Reading the "No more Nice Guy" pdf may be of benefit to you.
You need to start learning how to take charge and call her out on her self-centered manner and start moving the dynamics to a more balanced state. Best of luck.


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

Livvie said:


> Okay so it seems like the roles are reversed from what is more common in couples. Your wife is the main breadwinner. And now--she got a new job with a significant pay increase, and the family is moving to the new job location. You stayed behind with the kids to wrap things up in the old location and then will join her. Meanwhile, she has her own stress going on starting this new job.
> 
> She'll be the only breadwinner until you find a new job, is that correct?
> 
> ...


I completely understand that she is experiencing stress with her new role. I have not diminished that - but in her world it is so much more important than what I am experiencing bc of the $ she is making to support the family. 

I will work when I get up there but I have to start all over in a career field that is tough to get jobs in and most don't leave one. 

She loves the children - but when they are good and it is convenient. She is a perfectionist and once a child does not behave in a way that matches her plan or perception of how it should go - she can't handle it. 

I have asked her to go to couples therapy in the past and she said no. She does though have me go to therapy bc I need to work through my issues. She is on anti-anxiety meds if that help paints a clearer picture.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

MidWestCoach said:


> I have asked her to go to couples therapy in the past and she said no. She does though have me go to therapy bc I need to work through my issues. She is on anti-anxiety meds if that help paints a clearer picture.


From the outside looking in, these three sentences really showcase the issues you are enduring.
You ask to go to MC to address your concerns about the relationship. You are summarily dismissed.
However,she "...does though have me go to therapy bc I need to work through my issues."
She can order you to IC, but she is immune to MC?
Looks like she is your issue. What the hell about her issues?
Her meds evidently aren't working. She needs counseling.
*You need to learn to be more assertive about issues that directly impact you and your kids.*


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Welcome to TAM where you come asking about empathy and you are told you need to divorce.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> Welcome to TAM where you come asking about empathy and you are told you need to divorce.


What advice would you offer the OP?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

MidWestCoach said:


> I completely understand that she is experiencing stress with her new role. I have not diminished that - but in her world it is so much more important than what I am experiencing bc of the $ she is making to support the family.
> 
> I will work when I get up there but I have to start all over in a career field that is tough to get jobs in and most don't leave one.
> 
> ...


Nice that you sympathize for her. But...it seems like she is not coping or dealing with the root cause of her issues. You’re kids deserve to feel loved just like every other child. I’m not saying that your wife doesn’t love your kids. But she seems to have an unrealistic view of what that is. Life and people cannot be controlled. I’m a believer that you live what you learn. I don’t know her story and how she was raised. Everyone has a story. But...I think it’s important for her to know how her behaviour is affecting her relationships. Prayers to you and your family during this difficult and challenging chapter in your life. You sound genuinely concerned about your marriage and family.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

MidWestCoach said:


> I completely understand that she is experiencing stress with her new role. I have not diminished that - but in her world it is so much more important than what I am experiencing bc of the $ she is making to support the family.
> 
> I will work when I get up there but I have to start all over in a career field that is tough to get jobs in and most don't leave one.
> 
> ...


I should have covered this when I partially quoted this post already, but this just jumped out at me.
*Regarding paragraph two:* Was there a deep discussion about this move, in which she sincerely solicited and internalized your input? Did the discussion include the fact that your career would suffer a setback because of it? Did she show any concern or offer any reparations for your sacrifice?
*The Hard Question:* Ask yourself this and ponder it for awhile "Do you truly feel safe in your relationship?" If I had to guess from what you have said, I'd guess the answer is a resounding "No!" Use this question as a tool to become pissed, and do what you need to do to make things right. It will be hard, but in the long run, both you and your kids (and maybe even your wife and marriage) will benefit from it.
And to be perfectly clear, I'm not saying go out and divorce her. You need to do what is best for you and your family. Only you truly know what that is. What I am saying is, that like they say in Football, the best defense is a strong offense.


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

There was a hard discussion and my hesitations were noted - but I don't think she understood them. I could have not communicated clearly - but she was really excited about the opportunity for herself and struggled to see my concerns. We have done this before moving from another state bc she had a professional opportunity and I had to resign my role as a college coach. It took 5 years to get me back to the same role. 

The $ was too big for her. She is an exec and proudly states she makes more now than we made combined in our prior location (she didn't consider the jump in cost of living). 

She told me that I can pursue PT work to keep me in the college game - but now that tune has started to change and she is figuring out how expensive housing, daycare, and just life is. 

I did voice concern and explained why I am not excited about the move and she just got pissed bc "I didn't mention it earlier" and then stormed off and didn't talk to me for a couple days.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

MidWestCoach said:


> There was a hard discussion and my hesitations were noted - but I don't think she understood them. I could have not communicated clearly - but she was really excited about the opportunity for herself and struggled to see my concerns. We have done this before moving from another state bc she had a professional opportunity and I had to resign my role as a college coach. It took 5 years to get me back to the same role.
> 
> The $ was too big for her. She is an exec and proudly states she makes more now than we made combined in our prior location (she didn't consider the jump in cost of living).
> 
> ...


No, she didn't understand your hesitation, nor did she listen to it, and instead got caught up in her "Feelz."
It sounds like she didn't do adequate vetting in regards to the area that you are moving to, and actually may be experiencing some remorse in regards to the decision. She was all caught up in the prestige and paycheck, without considering the buying power of it.
Like I told you before, it is clear that you need to become more assertive and independent. You need to start "Flexing" on her more, and usurp all the power that you are entitled to in the next move (I'll bet there will be one sooner than you think, sounds like she may be in over her head.)
She will either push you to work FT, or be a house husband, depending on what suits her best. You stand up for yourself and do what is best for you and your kids. Make her adapt for once.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Really wish you had not consented to this. I smell danger. She already has the negative nabob friend. She is already relegating you to part time work and SAHD. Nope. You get and hone detective skills if you are going to let this run rough shod over you, as someone said, the hot young exec will sometime somewhere rear his head and you will find yourself on the outside looking in. I have, seen this once too often, where one party lands the dream job, and the other party goes along, usually leaving a lot on the table. Then, the party with the new life, starts seeing holes in the old life, old partner is suddenly inappropriate, lazy, does not hold up their end. I already see the first traces of that contention. I suggest that once you land in the new area, you pursue jobs. Do not be just SAHD. I do not like where this is going.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

“Wife, I’m not moving. I’m not sure this marriage is working for me any more. You don’t show me respect, you don’t show the kids any respect, and you act like the most important thing to you is your career. So you go ahead, we stay here, and we’ll see what happens.”


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You can talk all you wish but unless she feels the need to change, nothing will happen. The time for a really serious discussion about the move was before you committed to it. As for empathy, some have it and some don’t. She doesn’t appear to be one who does.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Marduk said:


> “Wife, I’m not moving. I’m not sure this marriage is working for me any more. You don’t show me respect, you don’t show the kids any respect, and you act like the most important thing to you is your career. So you go ahead, we stay here, and we’ll see what happens.”


It's too late. Job was quit, house has been sold.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

MidWestCoach said:


> I have asked her to go to couples therapy in the past and she said no. She does though have me go to therapy bc I need to work through my issues. She is on anti-anxiety meds if that help paints a clearer picture.


What??!!! 

Oh boy. Do you realize how inequitable this is? So what does she think your "issues" are? 

And don't you have to have some sort of therapy to be prescribed anti-anxiety meds? I don't know. Does her doc just write a rx and off she goes?

Sir, you really are in a conundrum. You need to work with your therapist to get a backbone and stand up to your wife. I wonder if some of her anger is really hatred and loss of respect for you since from what you have posted here, it doesn't appear that you stand up for yourself and you cower to her.

You aren't married to a wife--you are married to a mother.


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

All very good points.

Being able to garner happiness outside of my marriage and working on being myself again has been a big part of therapy.

I am well aware of the issues I bring to the table. The notion of a backbone would be a good starting point.

My wife is in the medical field and knows how to self-diagnose and get what she needs when it come to meds. She goes to a general physician to get her Rx.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I just want to say that I don't see this ending well ...


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Even mothering someone does not bring out these behaviors... believing you are better than people or situations does and we call those people bullies when the response is punishing others who interfere with what one wants. The only caring, protective, or kindness comes on the OP's wife's terms.

Her ambition has created a darkness in her heart... ambition taken to a stance of lost balance.

As long as she surrounds herself with these people she finds attractive, those with ambitions she finds attractive in strength support her, her mind and heart will follow.

I believe she is at a point where she will begin or has begun to think she doesn't need you or the family... in my heart I believe you are her salvation from these dark ambitions but I am unsure she will find this without the possibility of losing you and the children.

Even then, her heart may want power, prestige, money more than you and the children.

You will have to be prepared to lose your marriage to save it here, if you can... there is always a cost in regaining control of the things only you can, please do not let that dissuade you as you love yourself and your children more.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> What advice would you offer the OP?


Well if I must spell it out for you. I was saying it isn't unusual for someone to come here trying to figure out how to make their marriage work to be told to divorce. I don't think the divorce chorus is all that helpful for every poster. He find himself in the same situation that tons of other people have in this world. A spouse whose star is on the rise. He has agreed to the move but is feeling overwhelmed and resentful at the cost. He agreed to this move, he has quit his job and sold his house. Maybe he need a sympathic ear. That's what he was seeking from his wife so when he didn't get it he came here.

I feel for him. But I hardly think divorce is in order. So if it will make you happy...

OP suck it up. This is common for a trailing spouse. When you get relocated have a conversation with your wife about how you don't think she hears you. Talk to her about the defensiveness. Let her know that everything you say isn't an attack. She is probably feeling like your complaining about these things is an attack on her new job and the decisions you all made to improve your family income and lifestyle. She needs to learn how to listen to you. You both need to learn how to communicate. You should buy a book or seek counseling on how to communicate.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MidWestCoach said:


> She is the main breadwinner and this new role provides a significant increase in salary. She has recently completed her PhD and new doors opened.
> 
> In the end - I just want her to recognize what I am experiencing thru this process. Some understanding of what I am leaving behind and the stress I am experiencing.


Dude most women don't work that way. If agree read the "No more Mr Nice guy book." If you don't change your thinking you may very well end up getting burned. Guys who lean to heavy on their wives usually have their wives losing respect for them and taking them for granted. You are supposed to be the strong one.

If you are going to move, move and focus on your career and achieve. (YES compete). Get yourself some attention. Show her that you are not to be taken for granted. Start a business or something.


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well if I must spell it out for you. I was saying it isn't unusual for someone to come here trying to figure out how to make their marriage work to be told to divorce. I don't think the divorce chorus is all that helpful for every poster. He find himself in the same situation that tons of other people have in this world. A spouse whose star is on the rise. He has agreed to the move but is feeling overwhelmed and resentful at the cost. He agreed to this move, he has quit his job and sold his house. Maybe he need a sympathic ear. That's what he was seeking from his wife so when he didn't get it he came here.
> 
> I feel for him. But I hardly think divorce is in order. So if it will make you happy...
> 
> OP suck it up. This is common for a trailing spouse. When you get relocated have a conversation with your wife about how you don't think she hears you. Talk to her about the defensiveness. Let her know that everything you say isn't an attack. She is probably feeling like your complaining about these things is an attack on her new job and the decisions you all made to improve your family income and lifestyle. She needs to learn how to listen to you. You both need to learn how to communicate. You should buy a book or seek counseling on how to communicate.


Spoken like someone who doesn't believe men and women are different...or something.

His wife is cold and selfish. And their role reversal marriage is destroying his career and ant respect she may have had for him.

It's time for him to grow a spine and draw some boundaries.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Reading all the responses, there is one thing that caught my eye...

She doesn't respect you. It almost sounds like she pities you because you are the 'hanger on' whilst she goes onwards and upwards.

People can say what they like, but respect is the foundation of a success relationship, and this does not have it going in both directions.

It does not surprise me that she is in the medical field with that type of attitude. Seems to be quite a common connection.

You are depending on your partner for validation instead of finding it within yourself. It might be recommended to explore and work on this, as this could be part of the reason she does not respect you (that and she does not appear to have the type of character traits that are compatible with a family scenario to begin with).

If you do not learn how to be more assertive and stand your ground, you are just spinning your wheels. She needs to be put in her place and you can't back down one bit. Her being the breadwinner does not give her carte blanch to do whatever she wants.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

What saddens me is you sound like you love your job so much. You gave it up for the move. But I get a sense that your wife doesn't express any gratitude towards you. No, I'm not saying she should kiss your ass, but honestly, she sounds like a bit of a control freak/shrew to me. It also sounds like she doesn't really love her children. 

The reason this resounds with me is my own mother "loved" me as long as I was the "perfect" child. (Read that to mean: Did exactly what SHE expected of me.) It is a lousy way to be raised, if this is the case. To this day, ancient memories of some of my mother's draconian measures come to mind now and then. 

Do you think if you split and wanted primary custody of the children, your wife would put up a fight just because?


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## MidWestCoach (May 16, 2020)

I appreciate the insight from everyone and the idea that one needs to acquire a back bone and stand up for what is best for myself and my family.

Just this evening we had a fight because she was unhappy I didn't chase after our 2 yo who can traverse the stairs with no problem while trying to speak with her. My tone was "patronizing" and that I act like she is on a vacation because she is not with the kids.

"I am away from my family and started an executive level position in the middle of a pandemic." 

I cannot control how she perceives my tone, my actions, or even my body language - but that is her fuel to be angry, not talk to me, and blow small things out of proportion.

I apologize for the tone and said that we are *both* really stressed now.... but apparently my actions and tone did not give her the feeling that I believe she is also stressed....

I know it can't be about winning - but not matter what - I have wronged her.

The "No More Mr Nice Guy" has been a good resource as I start to read it - but know it is a longer path of self-discovery which will help later - but not helping me at the moment.

Time to put my head down and get it through it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well if I must spell it out for you.





Anastasia6 said:


> So if it will make you happy...


You must, you must! lol

It did. Thank you.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

MidWestCoach said:


> I appreciate the insight from everyone and the idea that one needs to acquire a back bone and stand up for what is best for myself and my family.
> 
> Just this evening we had a fight because she was unhappy I didn't chase after our 2 yo who can traverse the stairs with no problem while trying to speak with her. My tone was "patronizing" and that I act like she is on a vacation because she is not with the kids.
> 
> ...


Geeze man. She scolds you then you apologize? You’ve dug a deep whole and given her total control.

You put more effort into the relationship often leads up to being taken advantage of. What are you currently getting out of this? How long has it been this way?

You take it because you don’t want to rock the boat but at some point she’s gonna rock yours.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

MidWestCoach said:


> Just this evening we had a fight because she was unhappy I didn't chase after our 2 yo who can traverse the stairs with no problem while trying to speak with her. My tone was "patronizing" and that I act like she is on a vacation because she is not with the kids.


Are her legs broken, or . . .? Why can't she chase after HER child, too?

And you're stuck in the house raising 2 small children 24/7 with zero breaks in the middle of a pandemic.
Sorry to break it to her, but she's not super special. She's a dime a dozen. Tons of people have high-level, high-stress, high-paying jobs. Guess what? We're all tired.

Tell me-do you think you were patronizing? If not, why did you apologize?

Have you ever gotten angry or said no to her? What happens? 

I'll let you in on a little secret. Generally,women have great disdain for men who are weak and don't stand up for themselves. One of my exes for example was conflict avoidant. When we would have a disagreement or even a full on fight, he would fold like a cheap suit. I'd never been so turned off. As a result, I lost respect for him and in the end, hated him because he wouldn't or couldn't stand up for himself.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

MidWestCoach said:


> All very good points.
> 
> Being able to garner happiness outside of my marriage and working on being myself again has been a big part of therapy.
> 
> ...


The happiness outside of marriage or INSTEAD of happiness in marriage? 
Self-diagnosing is great, but not enough. She would benefit much more if her anxiety meds were supported by individual therapy. Which she refuses because she is better than this, right?
Your marriage is really unbalanced and I think you still don’t see it fully.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

MidWestCoach said:


> I appreciate the insight from everyone and the idea that one needs to acquire a back bone and stand up for what is best for myself and my family.
> 
> Just this evening we had a fight because she was unhappy I didn't chase after our 2 yo who can traverse the stairs with no problem while trying to speak with her. My tone was "patronizing" and that I act like she is on a vacation because she is not with the kids.
> 
> ...


Wow. Just wow. I'm going to be brutally blunt here.
What exactly did you have to have to apologize for?
Is she a freaking invalid or something? Did she not birth your two year old?
When she saw her son was in potential jeopardy, it was incumbent up on her to immediately take appropriate action.
She thought you were "Patronizing?" Your response should have been something like "You have been patronizing to me ever since I put that ring on your finger." She will dish it out as long as you give her permission to.
"I am away from my family and started an executive level position in the middle of a pandemic." She's in Medicine?
Tell her she should have been a thespian. She sounds like a drama queen. Just because she is an executive doesn't make you a gofer. Tell her to put on her big girl pants and do her job, like many others have done during the pandemic.
She will go on and on about how you have wronged her, because it keeps you in line, and provides her a means of control.
Just get her a cheese plate, it will complement her whine.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MidWestCoach said:


> I am giving up my career, a place I love, friends, and what I want to do with my life to pursue a path that could be best for our family (still TBD IMO).


Why would you do that? 

Your wife wasn't able to get any other job but the one out of state? 

This won't end well. You'll slowly seethe with resentment at all the sacrifices you made once you've relocated, and it will build in intensity. And if your wife really IS the unfeeling blob you claim her to be and her only desire is to one-up you every time you open your mouth, then you're making a big mistake.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

If you were to call your boss and ask for your job back, would you get it?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Nucking Futs said:


> If you were to call your boss and ask for your job back, would you get it?


OP, it would be worth a try.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@MidWestCoach Don't leave. just stay where you are with your children and keep your job, if that's possible.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MidWestCoach said:


> I am away from my family and started an executive level position in the middle of a pandemic."


Well la-di-dah. BFD! MAN she is WAY too full of herself. Being proud she got the job is good, but she is beating YOU over the head with it. SHE is also a parent, and yeah that is hard much of the time -- she has to deal with the hard stuff as well as the easy stuff.
She really seems to have very little respect for you or your marriage.

It seems to ME that she is treating YOU like she treats the kids. You are OK as long as you do EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAYS, HOW SHE SAYS, and WHEN SHE SAYS. If you don't she scolds YOU and is mean to YOU like she is to the kids!
Don't you see that? 

If you don't reign this behavior in, it will not bode well for you down the line (and isn't doing much for you right now either)


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

IMO you are in an abusive one sided relationship (and it's getting worse). Your marriage sounds high risk.

In addition, she not only fails to appreciate your contribution day to day - but fails to appreciate your career/income sacrifices to promote her career.

Finally, it sounds like as the income gap grows so does her lack of respect for you (wives making fun of their husbands). Her behavior toward you is characteristic of a woman that sees you as a slacker and financial failure that she has to support financially (while you have a free pass to earn much less while pursuing your passion).

Among other things, this lack of respect often leads to a sense of entitlement combined with resentment/anger that destroys a marriage.

If you're not ready to divorce, then I suggest a post nup to recognize your financial/career sacrifice for her career and your more than 50% contribution to your kids and home. 

And I suggest you stand your ground on a post nup before you move. Why? because it's the only chance you have of getting her to take you seriously.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

MidWestCoach said:


> Her lack of empathy has grown over the years. We have been married for 8 years and together for 10.
> 
> She is never wrong (never apologizes for any actions) and I am always in the wrong. How I feel or see things is not correct unless as I noted I provided clear evidence as noted earlier.


What does she do for a living? Just wondering is it a hardnosed type of business, may have some bearing on her attitude. How easy was it for her to get a transfer? Is she the main breadwinner for the family? I see many commenting here that she should be more understanding which I agree with, but if roles were reversed and she was online complaining, would the advice be different? I bet many on here would be telling her to be more supportive, etc. 
Can you honestly ask yourself whether there is a gender issue at play here. I know for a fact if I had to move for my career, I am supporting the family for the most part and earning much more than my husband, I would expect him to handle what I would ordinarily handle if roles were reversed. I wouldn't expect him to want gold stars either.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Openminded said:


> Don’t expect her to wake up and become this empathetic person who cares what her husband thinks and wants and is involved with her kids. What you’re seeing is who she is. My ex-husband was 100% focused on his career. Family was a very distant second. I had my own career to deal with, as well as a child, and over the years we moved several times because of my husband’s career.
> 
> I was the one left behind wrapping up our old life while he immediately moved on to our new life. None of that was easy and I would choose a much different life if I had it to do over. I can tell you from experience that the one who makes the majority of the money is the one with the majority of the power. I lived it and I don’t recommend it.


Be there done that and so have thousands of women before us. If I had to do it over again, I would but for the kids, it made them into the wonderful adults they are today with all the experiences and international education. For myself, I would have done it differently but then we have to make choices, some win, some lose.
I will say it is much more difficult for a man. In my travels I saw a few male trailing spouses, they were not happy as they couldn't really fit in with either the mothers or fathers are roles were reversed.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

lucy999 said:


> What??!!!
> 
> Oh boy. Do you realize how inequitable this is? So what does she think your "issues" are?
> 
> ...


No he is married to a career woman. Same as a career man only with different anatomy.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Just because 'career' men think it's ok to stick the wife with all of the drudge work doesn't make it any prettier when a woman does it. Both scenarios are an example of entitlement.

Women have started new, high stress jobs and picked up the kids on the way home, helped with homework and cooked dinner for 100 years. If she isn't up to the task, then she is a prime example of the Peter principle at play - she's been promoted to the level of her incompetence.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well if I must spell it out for you. I was saying it isn't unusual for someone to come here trying to figure out how to make their marriage work to be told to divorce. I don't think the divorce chorus is all that helpful for every poster. He find himself in the same situation that tons of other people have in this world. A spouse whose star is on the rise. He has agreed to the move but is feeling overwhelmed and resentful at the cost. He agreed to this move, he has quit his job and sold his house. Maybe he need a sympathic ear. That's what he was seeking from his wife so when he didn't get it he came here.
> 
> I feel for him. But I hardly think divorce is in order. So if it will make you happy...
> 
> OP suck it up. This is common for a trailing spouse. When you get relocated have a conversation with your wife about how you don't think she hears you. Talk to her about the defensiveness. Let her know that everything you say isn't an attack. She is probably feeling like your complaining about these things is an attack on her new job and the decisions you all made to improve your family income and lifestyle. She needs to learn how to listen to you. You both need to learn how to communicate. You should buy a book or seek counseling on how to communicate.


Just wait... If he has the balls in three months he will be back telling us he found out she had an affair... 

Even if she is not, who treats their spouse like this? 

He is a fool for moving with her, this will end in divorce. He should have already filed really? Would you be OK if a woman was being treated this way. It would be no better for her than it is for him, and the woman in this situation would get a better settlement in the divorce. 

I cannot believe you are giving this advice....


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

aine said:


> No he is married to a career woman. Same as a career man only with different anatomy.


This is true. But he also married a mother. Not a wife. This marriage is highly inequitable.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

I feel so sorry for OP. I truly hope he keeps posting. 

This situation is headed for disaster... Why do people allow themselves to get into these situations??? 

Oh, yeah, I remember, because we are stupid. I have done stuff almost this stupid, one thing with this one girl was way more stupid...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

BluesPower said:


> I feel so sorry for OP. I truly hope he keeps posting.
> 
> This situation is headed for disaster... Why do people allow themselves to get into these situations???


Hormones, endorphins, fear.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and do not give up your career and your life for her. Stay where you are, get your job back, and keep your kids. Let her go off to la-la land. This is going to end very badly for you.

Someone already said it, but I'll reiterate. Your wife is not going to wake up one day and become empathetic, supportive, and submissive. She is career-oriented, self-centered, and uses you for a parent to her kids.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@MidWestCoach I think the move situation is a red herring. The bigger issue is her overall lack of empathy and support for you. 

You can stay where you are and let your wife continue to work away from home but then you will most likely end up back here in a few years like the woman in this thread who is ready to divorce her husband who works away from home.. She and her husband grew apart and lead independent lives M-F which has lead to her loss of emotional connection with him. The general consensus was that she was a selfish person for NOT having followed her husband when he got the job. 

You can move to the new city with your wife and use this opportunity to work on the marriage, possibly with the help of a counselor. Focus on setting boundaries. Set some relationship goals and deadlines that you communicate with your wife. She may or may not change but at least you'll have learned some new skills that you can take with you. 

You can also divorce now and stay put. That comes with a whole other set issues of which you are probably somewhat familiar. 

There is no perfect answer. You need to figure out what will work best for you and your family.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Guys I think it is too late for OP. He was moving Monday. 

I hope he comes back...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I hear the internet is in more than one city. 😉

Maybe he'll update, or if has indeed moved, maybe he's accepted his lot in life as what she'll allow.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I hear the internet is in more than one city. 😉
> 
> Maybe he'll update, or if has indeed moved, maybe he's accepted his lot in life as what she'll allow.


I am sure that you are being sarcastic, but let's not think that. This guy was like a lot of guys and i guess some women as well. Got involved marriage, trying to do the right thing, and of course above all trying to be a "progressive" husband and not hold his rock star wife back. 

Problem is, and maybe not as many women come forward and admit they have allowed themselves to cave, but the men that get into this position almost always seem to get screwed. 

I bet a 100$ that she has already had at least on affair, if not more. It won't be too long before he wakes up and gets out of this situation. 

She is done with him anyway, she just does not have the time to divorce him yet...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@MidWestCoach How's it going?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I keep hoping he checks in. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> maybe he's accepted his lot in life as what she'll allow


I sure hope not. He's going to have serious regrets. There's no way to get time back.



BluesPower said:


> She is done with him anyway, she just does not have the time to divorce him yet...
> I bet a 100$ that she has already had at least on affair


I got news. She was "done" with him when she got her degree. Because, that's what she had him for in the first place. Someone to help pay the bills while she worked up to the career she wanted. Someone to take care of the kids so that they aren't in her way.

I'm not someone who advocates divorce, unless there's adultery or physical abuse.... but, I have to admit, I would get luxurious vicarious pleasure to read on here that he has dumped her selfish a$$, taken his kids, a big spousal support arrangement, and visitation conducted in the city of HIS choice. I agree with you, he has the grounds for the divorce, he just doesn't know it .... yet.....


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MidWestCoach said:


> Leaving is my biggest concern - because my children are there and to be honest they need me.
> 
> She is irrational, over the top in her assessment of their behavior, often just mean to them... I am the balance in their world.
> 
> ...


If I was you, I would start a journal with how she treats the kids. It might come in handy in the near future.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MidWestCoach said:


> She is the main breadwinner and this new role provides a significant increase in salary. She has recently completed her PhD and new doors opened.
> 
> In the end - I just want her to recognize what I am experiencing thru this process. Some understanding of what I am leaving behind and the stress I am experiencing.


She is disrespectful because of this. This has ended many marriages. I give it a year for her to start cheating and/or file for divorce.

Some couples are able to handle the wife being the main bread winner. Most are not.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

"She TOLD me I could pursue PT work"???

To be blunt....why are you with this horrible narcissistic woman??

This isn't an issue about your wife....HELL NO....because she's shown you who and what she is. This is about you and why you do NOT have the balls to stand up to her.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I didn't see anyone mention this but !-2 times a month is considered to be a sexless marriage. Some professionals consider sex 3 times month as sexless. He isn't in a marriage at all.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I disagree with 1-3 times a month being classified as sexless. But who knows, maybe because it’s been five years... 


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