# Need advice!



## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

I posted the "I Feel I had No Choice" thread under the general realtionship forum. I now need advice because my wife has offered to move out and sign over her rights to our house to me if I give her $10,000. and most of the furniture. Our home was built three years ago last month and right now we have no equity. We just received a modification from the bank about three months ago a lower mortgage payment. My attorney has advised me to negotiate her down since we cannot get $10,000out of this house right now. I really want to keep my home if possible but this woman I used to call wife is going to uproot the 11 & 16 yr olds to try and rent a place with her 26 yr old daughter. I feel bad because she is willing to take all the advantages of a real family life away from them and all the benefits they have thus far where we presently live. We have no kids together but I love her kids as if they were my own and we have f grown very close since I've been with them since Dec 2004 to date. 

What do you think out there? Take the deal or what?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

dcotlone said:


> I posted the "I Feel I had No Choice" thread under the general realtionship forum. I now need advice because my wife has offered to move out and sign over her rights to our house to me if I give her $10,000. and most of the furniture. Our home was built three years ago last month and right now we have no equity. We just received a modification from the bank about three months ago a lower mortgage payment. My attorney has advised me to negotiate her down since we cannot get $10,000out of this house right now. I really want to keep my home if possible but this woman I used to call wife is going to uproot the 11 & 16 yr olds to try and rent a place with her 26 yr old daughter. I feel bad because she is willing to take all the advantages of a real family life away from them and all the benefits they have thus far where we presently live. We have no kids together but I love her kids as if they were my own and we have f grown very close since I've been with them since Dec 2004 to date.
> 
> What do you think out there? Take the deal or what?


Flatly refuse.

She's asking to see your backbone.

Show it to her.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

$5000 and only the kids things. Make sure she doesn't have credit cards with your name on them.


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## Frost (Aug 2, 2010)

If you have no equity in the house why would you give her anything moneywise?! You'd be better off to simply sell the place and break even. 

Even if she signs over the rights to the house the finance company doesn't always recognize this until you have refinanced and removed her name completely, which will be difficult if you just modified the loan and considering the current economy. Even doing this you may take a loss on the home.

Regarding the furniture, unless one of you came into the marriage with it it should be split evenly by value.

If she is determined to leave and get divorced, I would attempt to remove emotions and make decisions like it is a business. It is difficult to do, but in the long run this will ease long term resentment and the feeling that "you got screwed". And it is fair for both sides so the courts will generally side with you.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

And, the courts may not side with a woman who lets her son go walking alone at night.


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## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

Thanks for the comments as they are greatly appreciated. I would like to keep my home and to your point Frost I am trying to remove the emotion and it is hard. I am trying to make a smart choice here for myself and future. Last night my wife and I sat down ands talk more about this issue. If I give up the $10,000 we will split the furniture and she will leave without a fight. 

What he really wants is for me to move out and leave her the house so the two younger kids (11 & 16) won't be uprooted away from neighborhood friends. However, if I leave she won't give me $10,000. or any amount of money but, I can leave with half the furniture. Here is where my emotions come into play on that offer. My problem with this is she will move her 26 yr old daughter back into my house and after the serious disrespect she displayed towards me that caused me to move her out of the house I just cannot allow this to happen. She (26yr old) has a good job making almost twice the money my wife earns. My wife won't allow her to stand on her own or live her own life. I told my wife that if she leaves our home to rent a place with her 26 yr old daughter then that is her decision. I told her she is a 47 yr old adult so stop making it seem as if I am forcing her out b/c this is what she is trying to say. She alone will bare the responsibility of her poor decisions being made concerning this matter and I refuse to feel guilty over it. I love those kids with all my heart but their mother is screwing up their lives......

I have a lot to think about on keeping the house so thanks agian for your comments/advise and I look forward to readung more throughout the next few days while I contemplate.....


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Unfortunately you just have to harden your heart to the kids. Unless you adopted them, you basically have no legal right to control them at all and mom will do whatever she wants.

She is trying to get a pile of cash out of you now. I don't believe that will be taken into account by the court when it comes to division of assets. That would likely be played by your wife as a gift.

The purpose of the cash and furniture is to speed the process where your wife leaves you. So you shouldn't assist with that. If she wants to leave a comfy home, then that's her problem not yours.

Her next step is likely to try and get you kicked out of your house. My hunch is restraining orders and complaints of abuse. And yes, I know it's not true.


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## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

Yes Atholk you are correct. My attorney has already warned me of the "trying to kick me out of the house thing" and the fact that she could choose to get nasty and lie about ma claiming abuse and whatever else. That's one of the things I live in fear of and can't understand why there is no protection for men against this type of claim. I am standing pat here and prating that this does not occur. I have the type of job that requires a high level security clearance and claims of this type can torpedo my employment. 

Also, I'm not handing her any money without a signed agreement trhough my attorney. I am with you on hardening my heart and letting her attempt to leave her compy home with no cash. I've also learned that the money her and her daughter will pay in rent/lease on a house is just a few dollars shy of what our mortgage payment is. How crazy is that? I guess that is where the showdown will begin when I refuse her the money and tell her she can still leave and split the furniture too......


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Cotlone,

Have you read the sticky thread at the top of this forum?

Read it - and all the links.


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## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

Yes Conrad I have read most of it. Is there anything specific you wanted me to look at or is this just friendly advice concerning the privacy thing, postings and whatever else?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

dcotlone said:


> Yes Conrad I have read most of it. Is there anything specific you wanted me to look at or is this just friendly advice concerning the privacy thing, postings and whatever else?


Have you read the "Man Up and Nice Guy" reference (sticky) at the top of the Men's Clubhouse?

I should have been more specific.

I think it's worth your time.


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## MIMO (Oct 1, 2010)

Man, I think I am never able to understand this women thing... With full respect to all normal women in this forum or out this forum, I have a question to ask: How your brain does function??? I don't know how you can take everything down for nothing. Destroying family, kids... everything.... for what? Well, I see my life just ended when my son's life started. I dedicate everything for him and willing to sacrifice everything in way of his happiness. I wish him always better life than mine in any way.
Really. Can anybody explain why women do things like that? 

And for your case my friend, why $10 000 and not less or more? well, I suggest selling the house and cut the cake not only in two but in 4 (the children are also involved)...


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## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

Just got informed by wife this morning that she received the divorce papers, while at work this past Friday. She went out and got drunk with her 26 yr old daughter, as usual, and her sisters and others. I also over heard them discussing plans for house that her daughter is trying to either lease or purchase for them to move into to. Since the day I put her out of the house she has been a negative influence on my wife. Well, even before she was put out. Now her goal is to get my wife (her mom), 11 & 16 yr olds to live with her. My wife is too caught-up with pride and family telling her what she should do and all. 

I can't help but to look at all of them and see how each of them (6 in total), during this past year have either goten divorced, separated, lost custody of their children, kicked out of their homes, etc...and see how unhappy they are and how my wife is allowing herself to be dragged down with them. They have nothing going for themselves and want to ensure that my wife is right by their side. How sad that her family would rather drag you down than pull you up. It's as if their moral compass has no direction except downward. I have seen how their kids (adult and minor age) have had to struggle and the neglect is off the charts when it comes to these girls partying and drinking. Now I have to sit back and suck it up while my step-kids (11/16) go through this as well. Legally in Texas I have no claim to them and recently learned that there is little chance that I will be able to have visitation with the 11 yr old. He has expressed his feelings to me but won't with his mom b/c she gets all over him for it and tells him to get over it. Ultimately my wife is responsible for her actions and decisions but how sad that it is the kids and myself who have to suffer for it. How Sad!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Well it's my experience that there's damn all that can be done about it. Seems like misery loves company.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

MIMO said:


> Man, I think I am never able to understand this women thing... With full respect to all normal women in this forum or out this forum, I have a question to ask: How your brain does function??? I don't know how you can take everything down for nothing. Destroying family, kids... everything.... for what?


Don't blame *women* for that. I have seen men do exactly the same thing. Some people just are selfish jerks and lack character.


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## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

Yes I have seen men, as well as other women do the same thing so I'm not blaming women. I guess now that I have a front row seat to watch and experience it for myself it ain't pretty.....


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Stand fast and strong, bro. Remember, no one put a gun to her head to do these things. Just keep the rational, practical head you've shown so far, and don't do any "knee jerk" based stuff.


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## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

F-102, that's easier said than done, but so far so good. I just sitting back and sucking it all up, which is hard but a lot easier for me than the kids. Not going to get caught-up in the drama with them.....


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## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

Hey Atholk, you were right on about her next move to get me kicked out of the house. Up to this point we've been living under the same roof with no arguments and just tip-toeing around eachother while the divorce goes forward. Well, yesterday I learned that my wife finally retained an attorney to respond to the divorce papers she received from my attorney. Now her attorney is planning to file a TRO (Temp. Restraining Order) to have me removed. I asked her why would she go this route if there has been no issues of abuse, harassment, threats or anything of that nature? She straight-up told me that she wants me gone so that she can move her 26 yr old daughter back into our home. She is claimimg cruelty and/or torture towards her daughter b/c of me forcing her to move out of our home after she disrespected me by cursing me out as well as some other disrespectful things. I told her I am not married to her daughter so I will take my chances in court versus her daughter if this is her argument. 

I could be wrong here but, I just can't see any reasonable court kicking me out of my home in order to let my wife move her 26 yr old adult daughter back in. I am not forcing my wife and her two minor kids to leave the home and if she does it's her choice, not mines.......


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

cotlone,

Don't bet on it.

Prepare for her to lie.


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## dcotlone (Nov 28, 2010)

It seems that her and her daughter's plans to lease a house together and her daughter purchasing a home of her own has hit a brick wall due to some credit issues on both their behalfs. So now she wants to forget about her demand that I give her $10,000. and half of the furniture and she wants me to leave our home instead. I have several recorded conversations of her and I discussing her demands and also sevarl recordings of her while she was drunk off her ass after stumbling in after 4 in the mornings and saying all sorts of things about this situation. What a wife.....


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