# My husband is so messy & cheap and wont buy food 😭



## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

Hi everyone!

I’m new here... and I badly need help... I love my husband.. but he is just so cheap. I understand that he is trying to save money because he wants to start his own business... but I am just fed up... and really tired of it... First of all we both work and we pay 50/50 for everything at home. He is responsible when it comes to paying his half of the expenses like rent, utilities, but when it comes to food he doesn’t care at all. He earns more than me and he has no expenses whatsoever. He has his prepaid phone but that’s about it. Me on the other hand have to pay half of the rent, utilities and my car payment. For the past few months he has been using my car for work and I don’t even ask for him to share as I know that it will just end up in a fight. I end up buying groceries and ordering for food for the two of us or else we will die in hunger... he just doesn’t simply care. I talked to him to him so many times about it and at first we agreed on buying groceries separately and cooking our own food, but that didn’t work... I just end up cooking for the two of us... as he complains he’s hungry. I literally have to beg for him to do groceries and he would always say that he will buy food next week... but he never does. He would do groceries once in a blue moon and when he does he would buy just what he needs. I always ask him if he ate and always worry about him, but he never asked me once. I am just so fed up.... I am considering buying my own food.. but I know he will just end up asking me to cook and the same thing will happen. I swear I no longer want to tolerate this behaviour... I am really really fed up. I barely have extra money and it all goes to food and he saves all his money for himself. I seriously need help? What do I do? I am willing to try anything please.

P.S.

He is also so dirty at home and wont clean up after himself. I begged him so many times as. Am tired cleaning after him... whenever I talk to him about it he would just tell me that he is tired and he will change but he never does...

Please please please help me... I am at my limit.. I am feeling it... I will explode very soon... I just want a solution please help.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

My solution would be to end this terrible relationship. It sounds crappy, and like being single would be a lot more fun.


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

Livvie said:


> My solution would be to end this terrible relationship. It sounds crappy, and like being single would be a lot more fun.


thank you...


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

This is one of the reasons I am going to remain single. My ex husband drove me insane. No more cleaning his **** up and being abused. Only thing I could advise is talking about it (again)and if he's not willing to change, ask yourself if you want to grow old with this man? Don't waste years like me and many others wasting your life being unhappy. This is probably who he is and how he is. We can't change our partners/husbands/wife's but can change our futures.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

You are absolutely right.... We can change the future... thank you 🙏🏻


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Lostwife2021 said:


> You are absolutely right.... We can change the future... thank you


You're welcome. I genuinely believe if I didn't leave my ex husband a year ago I'd be in a mental hospital now. I left during a breakdown and still recovering now. If everything else is good with you two try sitting together and work out a plan. Write it all down and go through everything together. We only have one life. Hope you both can work things out 

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I can’t relate - to the experience or keeping separate money and divisions - so keep that in mind when I offer this.

Have you ever said to him, ‘this isn’t working for me (groceries). How can we do this differently?’

Also for easy math, lets say your groceries are $100 pw. Why not just contribute $50 pw each to food. And just split it down the middle - regardless of who gets what?

That might just be a band-aid though that’s only relative to this specific issue (groceries). It doesn’t address why you keep doing for and after him when it doesn’t seem to be a mutual partnership. Or why he lacks the consideration yet is willing to complain about being hungry and while not being reliable (not doing what he says he’s going to do).


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lostwife2021 said:


> P.S.
> 
> He is also so dirty at home and wont clean up after himself. I begged him so many times as. Am tired cleaning after him... whenever I talk to him about it he would just tell me that he is tired and he will change but he never does...
> 
> Please please please help me... I am at my limit.. I am feeling it... I will explode very soon... I just want a solution please help.


Talking and begging isn’t changing anything - and you’re tired of cleaning up after him.

Just stop with all of it. Don’t clean up after him. Don’t mention it period. Treat him adult to adult. He has stated before that he’s tired and WILL CHANGE. He is not following through and likely has no reason to either if you continue cleaning up after him regardless, and given he’s not internally motivated to do so of his own accord. So leave him to it. You may need to turn a blind-eye to stuff you’d normally clean up but at some point, he hopefully notices and takes action. If he complains - tell him you’re not cleaning up after him anymore. Also I’m nosey here - what kind of cleaning up are you referring to?

It really sounds like a divided dynamic though - rather than a team of sharing and contributing together and with what you could both bring to the table, so to speak. Which kinda speaks to a broader theme of your dynamic than he leaves his dirty socks in the living room or something; yes, my husband does this sometimes…can be there a couple of days before he picks them up lol …I typed lol to denote tone as it doesn’t bother me. If I’m doing laundry, I may grab them or ask him to get them if he wants them laundered; although usually he's picked them up by then. I have my quirks too. Living together a long time though, we have our routine and sharing of tasks. If something bugs one of us, we typically state it and the other actions on it. And then, it’s all perspective …socks in the living room doesn’t bug me. Maybe it would bug someone who was deeply annoyed with their spouse though. Also, it’s cute when the dog gets excited about going out and grabs a sock to run around with to express his delight and turns into a game of catch the sock.

How long have you been married?


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

You cannot change him. He can only change himself and he won't change himself unless he is motivated to do so. So you can either live with it or get out. That choice is yours.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

From personal experience, my husband has (on occasion) left shaving stubble in and around the basin. That's not something I'm keen to have as a constant. He might have left it as he's focused on leaving the house. He's not lazy. I go in afterwards, notice it, and leave it. I don't clean it up. If it's still there later, I'll ask / express (just once and short and sweet) for him to clean the stubble from the basin. Sure enough, within a short time he's done it. Just thought I'd share a snippet of a different way. There's small scenarios like that with role reveral, too. Granted, few and far between with both of us. Like I said, we have lived together a long time and share responsibilities. I agree with the above though, that you cannot change him. In the mean-time, you can change how you respond to him - my vote is that you leave the cleaning that you feel he ought to be taking care of. Are there shared tasks between you?


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> You're welcome. I genuinely believe if I didn't leave my ex husband a year ago I'd be in a mental hospital now. I left during a breakdown and still recovering now. If everything else is good with you two try sitting together and work out a plan. Write it all down and go through everything together. We only have one life. Hope you both can work things out
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


I know how you feel and what you’re going through... But everything will be better I promise you. 💞 This is my 2nd marriage... I was married for 10 years then my ex husband cheated on me.. I stayed for a year fighting for my marriage until I finally gave up... And filed for divorce... the only mistake that I did was... I got married again right away... and now this... I honestly feel that if this doesn’t work I don’t want to get married again... but you will be fine I promise. You will come out of this much stronger, much smarter and better & please wait before you get into a serious relationship again... everyone told me to wait and take time but I didn’t listen... when I finally realized that I wanted more time for myself it already too late... as much as I want to break free from all of this... it’s not possible due to my financial situation. Please take your time...


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> I can’t relate - to the experience or keeping separate money and divisions - so keep that in mind when I offer this.
> 
> Have you ever said to him, ‘this isn’t working for me (groceries). How can we do this differently?’
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Much appreciated. 🙏🏻

Yes I have tried talking to him about it... at first we’ve decided to do groceries every 2 weeks 50/50 but it was so hard to get money out of him... we argued all the time... he said that I wasted food and that having ketchup, mayo a bag of lentils is a lot... and that I should manager our food lol and since we argued a lot we have decided that we will each buy our own food and cook for separately.. the first week it worked... then he stopped buying his food and would always bug me to cook for him... believe me I tried hard to ignore him! I didn’t cook for him and only focused on myself the he started saying “how can a wife let her husband go to work or come home from work with an empty stomach blah blah blah” And he wouldn’t stop... so I just cooked to shut him up. Then I talked to him again about buying food together then he said yes yes i’ll do groceries next week but he wouldn’t... i’m so tired arguing with him... I tried to talk to him in a civilized manner, yelled nothing worked! Lately he wasn’t asking anymore but he would just buy eggs and bread and eat that... I just don’t think it’s normal... and yes I am considering divorce again... (please read my reply to another person I was married before)


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lostwife2021 said:


> Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Much appreciated. 🙏🏻
> 
> Yes I have tried talking to him about it... at first we’ve decided to do groceries every 2 weeks 50/50 but it was so hard to get money out of him... we argued all the time... he said that I wasted food and that having ketchup, mayo a bag of lentils is a lot... and that I should manager our food lol and since we argued a lot we have decided that we will each buy our own food and cook for separately.. the first week it worked... then he stopped buying his food and would always bug me to cook for him... believe me I tried hard to ignore him! I didn’t cook for him and only focused on myself the he started saying “how can a wife let her husband go to work or come home from work with an empty stomach blah blah blah” And he wouldn’t stop... so I just cooked to shut him up. Then I talked to him again about buying food together then he said yes yes i’ll do groceries next week but he wouldn’t... i’m so tired arguing with him... I tried to talk to him in a civilized manner, yelled nothing worked! Lately he wasn’t asking anymore but he would just buy eggs and bread and eat that... I just don’t think it’s normal... and yes I am considering divorce again... (please read my reply to another person I was married before)


I did read your other response.

I don't know lovely, just this one situation sounds exhausting to me.

All I could suggest if you want to navigate the situation differently is to try again with a shared plan OR each do your own thing (which I really personally have trouble understanding as a marriage), and stick with it. If he hasn't contributed as agreed, that's on him. Might he keep on at you because you continue to engage in that moment? I don't think it's typical either. By the way, if you were the one to 'manage' the food - then that means he pays what is needed (if that's how you continue to operate) and the decisions are for you to make. If he doesn't like the way you do it, too bad. He'll need to come up with another solution.

I am kind of assuming other aspects of your marriage aren't great?


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> Talking and begging isn’t changing anything - and you’re tired of cleaning up after him.
> 
> Just stop with all of it. Don’t clean up after him. Don’t mention it period. Treat him adult to adult. He has stated before that he’s tired and WILL CHANGE. He is not following through and likely has no reason to either if you continue cleaning up after him regardless, and given he’s not internally motivated to do so of his own accord. So leave him to it. You may need to turn a blind-eye to stuff you’d normally clean up but at some point, he hopefully notices and takes action. If he complains - tell him you’re not cleaning up after him anymore. Also I’m nosey here - what kind of cleaning up are you referring to?
> 
> ...


We have been married for 3 years.

It’s a divided dynamic indeed. It’s not about him being lazy anymore...he’s down right disrespectful.

- he rarely wash the dishes maybe one every couple of months.

- he leaves all his clothes all over the apartment does not bother hanging it...

- papers, cigarette buds and ashes on the table.. 

- wrappers, plastics everywhere...

- towels never hanged

- spit on the sink doesn’t butter cleaning it up

- pee un flushed...

- his hair everywhere

- boogers on towel.. Yes! And money more!

I have OCD so just imagine... it’s really a nightmare for me.... plus him being greedy and cheap....


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

Lostwife2021 said:


> We have been married for 3 years.
> 
> It’s a divided dynamic indeed. It’s not about him being lazy anymore...he’s down right disrespectful.
> 
> ...


Sorry about the typo! 😙


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lostwife2021 said:


> “how can a wife let her husband go to work or come home from work with an empty stomach blah blah blah”


Knee-jerk reaction: 'Quite easily, it appears.'

Potentially 'healthier' reaction: 'If you want to revisit how the groceries and dinners are going to work between us, we can do that. Currently what is happening isn't working for me.' or something like that.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

@Lostwife2021 ...I'm not OCD and reading your list bothers me, too!

The un-flushed toilet and boogers in particular.


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

Diceplayer said:


> You cannot change him. He can only change himself and he won't change himself unless he is motivated to do so. So you can either live with it or get out. That choice is yours.


Yes you are absolutely right... I know it’s my fault because I tolerate him.... Thank you...


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Was he like this from the start? And if not, can you think of what circumstances started to change that led him to behave this way?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lostwife2021 said:


> .... plus him being greedy and cheap....


Yeah, I couldn't live like this. 

Any redeeming qualities at all? You mentioned a need to stay due to finances. Could you make changes so that's not an issue? Obviously I don't know what circumstance you're in... I do know that taking care of your own mental health is important though, if you can work out an alternative.


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> @Lostwife2021 ...I'm not OCD and reading your list bothers me, too!
> 
> The un-flushed toilet and boogers in particular.





heartsbeating said:


> Was he like this from the start? And if not, can you think of what circumstances started to change that led him to behave this way?


This is my 2nd marriage right so in the beginning I really talked to him and told him listen this is what I am looking for in the relationship and mentioned all of these things and he just said yes yes me too... he just said you will see I am all of those things... We have even decided with joint bank account he gave me all of his money to save and handle but then he started auditing everything he literally wanted me to buy $100 worth of food good for 1 month looooool! So I decided fine keep your money and that’s when it started...


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lostwife2021 said:


> This is my 2nd marriage right so in the beginning I really talked to him and told him listen this is what I am looking for in the relationship and mentioned all of these things and he just said yes yes me too... he just said you will see I am all of those things... We have even decided with joint bank account he gave me all of his money to save and handle but then he started auditing everything he literally wanted me to buy $100 worth of food good for 1 month looooool! So I decided fine keep your money and that’s when it started...


Hmm others might be able to jump in with some more helpful suggestions.

My take is that it sounds like he 'allocates' 'control / responsibility' to you... to then in turn basically micro-manage or criticize you. There's some weird power imbalance thing going on that is way above my pay-grade. I do wish you the best. Here's hoping you get some helpful TAM thoughts come your way.


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> Yeah, I couldn't live like this.
> 
> Any redeeming qualities at all? You mentioned a need to stay due to finances. Could you make changes so that's not an issue? Obviously I don't know what circumstance you're in... I do know that taking care of your own mental health is important though, if you can work out an alternative.


Yes I have thought of that.... yes with the pandemic... and the money that I have lost from my last divorce the moving it totally exhausted my savings... I am trying to save again... but with my salary it would be next to impossible to cover rent, bills and car payment..... so I have no choice but to live with this.... I am on my own no family too.... I honestly want my marriage to work.... I am trying... 😭


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lostwife2021 said:


> I love my husband..


Curious though.. what does that mean to you?


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

heartsbeating said:


> Hmm others might be able to jump in with some more helpful suggestions.
> 
> My take is that it sounds like he 'allocates' 'control / responsibility' to you... to then in turn basically micro-manage or criticize you. There's some weird power imbalance thing going on that is way above my pay-grade. I do wish you the best. Here's hoping you get some helpful TAM thoughts come your way.



you have been very very helpful thank you so much 🙏🏻


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lostwife2021 said:


> you have been very very helpful thank you so much 🙏🏻


Oh I don't know about that... but if it helped you write things out, I'll take it nonetheless.

I'll pop back in another time. Take care of yourself.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lostwife2021 said:


> Hi everyone!
> 
> I’m new here... and I badly need help... I love my husband.. but he is just so cheap. I understand that he is trying to save money because he wants to start his own business... but I am just fed up... and really tired of it... First of all we both work and we pay 50/50 for everything at home. He is responsible when it comes to paying his half of the expenses like rent, utilities, but when it comes to food he doesn’t care at all. He earns more than me and he has no expenses whatsoever. He has his prepaid phone but that’s about it. Me on the other hand have to pay half of the rent, utilities and my car payment. For the past few months he has been using my car for work and I don’t even ask for him to share as I know that it will just end up in a fight. I end up buying groceries and ordering for food for the two of us or else we will die in hunger... he just doesn’t simply care. I talked to him to him so many times about it and at first we agreed on buying groceries separately and cooking our own food, but that didn’t work... I just end up cooking for the two of us... as he complains he’s hungry. I literally have to beg for him to do groceries and he would always say that he will buy food next week... but he never does. He would do groceries once in a blue moon and when he does he would buy just what he needs. I always ask him if he ate and always worry about him, but he never asked me once. I am just so fed up.... I am considering buying my own food.. but I know he will just end up asking me to cook and the same thing will happen. I swear I no longer want to tolerate this behaviour... I am really really fed up. I barely have extra money and it all goes to food and he saves all his money for himself. I seriously need help? What do I do? I am willing to try anything please.
> 
> ...


You do not sound like a married couple at all. You sound like room mates. How is the rest of your relationship?

Talking has not achieved any action so I would suggest you buy your own groceries, do not cook for him. Hand him lots of take away menus if he says he is hungry. If he gets angry tell him exactly what you told us. See how long it will be before he comes to the table to discuss.

Talking and talking never changes a person. What incentive have you given him to change, you nag but still cook for him, still use your own money and still clean up after him.

Plan of action,

1. no cooking for him
2. give him take out menus
3. if he complains tell him 'tough titty' you have reached the end of your rope and if he wants food etc. then you have to sit down and come to an arrangement
a. he gives you money every month towards the food bill
b; he agrees to cook a few nights a week or if he cannot cook, he orders take out at his expense
c. if he is not agreeable I would suggest you visit your mothers, friends etc. for a month for your dinner


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> From personal experience, my husband has (on occasion) left shaving stubble in and around the basin. That's not something I'm keen to have as a constant. He might have left it as he's focused on leaving the house. He's not lazy. I go in afterwards, notice it, and leave it. I don't clean it up. If it's still there later, I'll ask / express (just once and short and sweet) for him to clean the stubble from the basin. Sure enough, within a short time he's done it. Just thought I'd share a snippet of a different way. There's small scenarios like that with role reveral, too. Granted, few and far between with both of us. Like I said, we have lived together a long time and share responsibilities. I agree with the above though, that you cannot change him. In the mean-time, you can change how you respond to him - my vote is that you leave the cleaning that you feel he ought to be taking care of. Are there shared tasks between you?


LOL that is why I have two sinks and currently I use the spare bathroom as fed up of his manly deposits


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lostwife2021 said:


> This is my 2nd marriage right so in the beginning I really talked to him and told him listen this is what I am looking for in the relationship and mentioned all of these things and he just said yes yes me too... he just said you will see I am all of those things... We have even decided with joint bank account he gave me all of his money to save and handle but then he started auditing everything he literally wanted me to buy $100 worth of food good for 1 month looooool! So I decided fine keep your money and that’s when it started...


Sounds more like an issue with controlling expenses. I would suggest that he buys and cooks his own and you do the same. Then he will see how little can actually be bought for $100.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You two are not functioning like a unit. If you want a divorce just get one. Stop dragging this out. 

If you want to stay with him you two have a lot of talking to do. You probably need a marriage counselor. You could also benefit from a financial counselor. You need to make a household budget. He will need a written business plan for this business he wants to start so you better have some idea of how much he expects you to finance that. When starting a business it's a good idea to have either 1 year's worth of living expenses in the bank or a spouse who can support the household alone. You need to talk about a realistic food budget. Before you have that chat I suggest you feed him for 1 month on that unrealistic $100 per month food budget he thinks would work while you eat other meals out without telling him. (even if you make food for yourself & keep it at work) 

Money ruins more relationships then infidelity. 

Finally, I doubt it but is there any room in that budget for a house keeper? I got married later in life around the time social media was going mainstream. I made a profile & reconnected with old friends. I ask a guy I knew in HS what his secrete for a happy marriage is. He joked that it was not having money problems & hiring a housekeeper.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

As a couple , and as your decision you don't have financial intimacy. To me that is a huge problem. How have you achieved emotional intimacy and physical intimacy when you can't handle financial intimacy? Maybe it is a hang over from the previous divorce. 
What you do have is a laundry list of gripes. It is a list that you treasure, and display to strangers. Some couples (my sister in law for example) that is the only thing they share, a list of complaints. It doesn't look fun to me, but hey! I'm weird. I'll keep my relationship the way I like it and you can keep yours how you prefer it. 
Meanwhile, I need to go finish folding my wife's laundry. She took a week off of work, and now that she is out of the way I can clean up after her.
As far as practical advice for you. Meal planning cut our grocery bill by 35%. It's kind of an extra chore, but it is doing ok for us.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You have control over your life. Nothings else. Start using it.

Married 3 years? Invest more time in this for what? Most do not change. You want more of what you’ve gotten? Then stay.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> @Lostwife2021 ...I'm not OCD and reading your list bothers me, too!
> 
> The un-flushed toilet and boogers in particular.


That is extremely gross. And I am not particularly tidy. He wants a mommy not a wife and. that is a problem as he is a grown man....


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Sorry about what you're going through. An effective motivator for me is when my wife gets either angry or down and then all "romance" ends. She genuinely isn't interested in me when we aren't emotionally in sync. After a few days I'm usually at my wits end to figure out what's the matter and I'll start asking her to dinner, engaging her in conversation, just basically doing everything I can to get us back in sync!

The thing is my wife isn't really consciously "cutting me off"- it's just more who she is as a person and she doesn't feel romantic at all when some important need of hers isn't met. Usually, I'll be so frustrated and missing her so badly I'll be ready to change everything in life to get us back in sync together. Sounds silly, but this seems to work for us. I've been pretty clueless about things she needed over the years... but when honey isn't giving me any lovin' I get pretty worked up to solve whatever problem is between us. 

Sorry- you may already be doing this and perhaps he's too aloof to care... I hope not.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I grew up with a cheap father. He's over 70 and he's still the same! He has never changed! 

Your husband won't change so you have to decide if you can live with him and his ways forever. 

I moved a continent away from my parents because I couldn't take it anymore!! Living with my dad was exhausting to me, and he is not that bad around the house! 

You have options. You can live on your own and be ok.


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## Lostwife2021 (May 3, 2021)

D0nnivain said:


> You two are not functioning like a unit. If you want a divorce just get one. Stop dragging this out.
> 
> If you want to stay with him you two have a lot of talking to do. You probably need a marriage counselor. You could also benefit from a financial counselor. You need to make a household budget. He will need a written business plan for this business he wants to start so you better have some idea of how much he expects you to finance that. When starting a business it's a good idea to have either 1 year's worth of living expenses in the bank or a spouse who can support the household alone. You need to talk about a realistic food budget. Before you have that chat I suggest you feed him for 1 month on that unrealistic $100 per month food budget he thinks would work while you eat other meals out without telling him. (even if you make food for yourself & keep it at work)
> 
> ...


Thank you so much I will keep this all in mind and will make a plan. Thank you and to others too who took the time to give some advice, you guys are amazing! From the bottom of my heart thank you 💞


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## AmberP (Apr 21, 2021)

You seem to have too many problems with this person and they need to either be solved or go away. Don't think it's up to you. If the person doesn't want to change, you won't do anything. Take care of yourself.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Lostwife2021 said:


> We have been married for 3 years.
> 
> It’s a divided dynamic indeed. It’s not about him being lazy anymore...he’s down right disrespectful.
> 
> ...


OMGoodness.. I would hate that too!! Was he like this before marriage? I think men can become lazy after marriage, thinking that the wife will do it. Right now my hubby of 21 yrs is NOT helping in the kitchen-- I have a lot going on too so I have him order out more. Is there any way that you can stay with family or friends? Perhaps, he would enjoy living in an messy apartment with no food by himself..


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

time to start looking at are you getting value for money in the half your paying , if you go your own way what can you get with your rent and other expences you pay , why I am thinking of it from this point is even though you say you love him I can't see it but it is not for me to say if you do or if you can stay with him for the long time , you have lived alone before do you want to go back to life alone , I would be suprised if this does not afect other sides of your relationship what you want and what you expect , and even your sex life


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Lostwife2021 The entitlement and utter hubris of your husband bewilders me. He will not buy food, keeps "borrowing" your car, acts like an entitled teenager and he somehow believes he is capable of starting and running a business?









You need to fire him before he ruins you financially.


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## cizzle (Dec 7, 2021)

A bigger taste of his own medicine? No netflix/hulu etc access for him if you pay. Eat away from home. Go to lunch with friends, uber, etc fo not feed him. He isn't acting like a partner or husband so ignore his childish way of getting you to bend. He is picking at your first marriage and making you feel like this one will end because of you. Leave his mess, and find reasons to not be around it if its driving you crazy. Take a dance class or try an on demand job like Doordash so you are making extra money but not spending time in a dirty home. He will likely notice you are not giving into him( you may have to with hold in the bedroom too) and he will ask or accuse but either way now he will have lived without your efforts and can be given an ultimatum. I know divorcing mat feel like a failure but you get one shot at life and if the person you are with is making you miserable on purpose its better to give space fir the right one to come along.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Lostwife2021 said:


> Hi everyone!
> 
> I’m new here... and I badly need help... I love my husband.. but he is just so cheap. I understand that he is trying to save money because he wants to start his own business... but I am just fed up... and really tired of it... First of all we both work and we pay 50/50 for everything at home. He is responsible when it comes to paying his half of the expenses like rent, utilities, but when it comes to food he doesn’t care at all. He earns more than me and he has no expenses whatsoever. He has his prepaid phone but that’s about it. Me on the other hand have to pay half of the rent, utilities and my car payment. For the past few months he has been using my car for work and I don’t even ask for him to share as I know that it will just end up in a fight. I end up buying groceries and ordering for food for the two of us or else we will die in hunger... he just doesn’t simply care. I talked to him to him so many times about it and at first we agreed on buying groceries separately and cooking our own food, but that didn’t work... I just end up cooking for the two of us... as he complains he’s hungry. I literally have to beg for him to do groceries and he would always say that he will buy food next week... but he never does. He would do groceries once in a blue moon and when he does he would buy just what he needs. I always ask him if he ate and always worry about him, but he never asked me once. I am just so fed up.... I am considering buying my own food.. but I know he will just end up asking me to cook and the same thing will happen. I swear I no longer want to tolerate this behaviour... I am really really fed up. I barely have extra money and it all goes to food and he saves all his money for himself. I seriously need help? What do I do? I am willing to try anything please.
> 
> ...


He's trying to start too big, I think. 
You don't need a lot of money to start a business, it just takes a while to build them up.


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