# Please Help ME



## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

My wife and I have been separated for 3 weeks now. We haven't cleared the air till tonight. But first After separated from me she began hanging out with her best friend, whose husband left her 5 months ago with 3 children. The both went out and got tattoos together and tongue rings. Then I saw flowers in my wifes car and she said they were from her friend. Next thing I know she seems to be spending overnights at her friends house with all 6 kids, and my oldest confirmed this. Everytime I text her she over her friends house. her friend posted "I love you" on facebook. Tonight however We finally spoke calmly and I asked her if she was seeing anyone and she said YES she was interested in someone else. She then said "Im a lesbian" and began to laugh. I said really and she said NOOOOOOO im kidding, but that its a guy she met at her work. I asked what he did (big hospital) and she would not answer me. She would not give me any info. and they were just dating, she would not even tell me what he did at the hospital. She said it was nice to be appreciated again and I hadnt shown that in a while. We agreed to divorce and im heartbroken Im going to lawyer tomorrow. She said she didn't want anything from me but some money to help her with children , no court bull.
My life is crushed , but im wondering is there is really no guy but her best friend???? What do you think


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## SCondeck (Oct 5, 2012)

And another wife walks away into the arms of another man. I'm sorry you're going through this my friend. Unfortunately, this seems to be a bit of an epidemic. I promise you that you're not alone as there are many, many, MANY other guys in this same situation.


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## KnK (Oct 15, 2012)

I have a girlfriend whom I have a very close relationship with. So them being together a lot or her writing ILY on your wife's wall are not exactly indications of them being together.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Ouch... and for her to try to pass off the sexual orientation as a joke, yet drop the bomb on you like that. That hurts deep, no matter what the gender of her affair partner, that she could be so callous. Realize she literally is in a fog and cannot think or clear straight, so try not to take that callousness to heart because it will certainly fester there. However it does nothing to help ease your pain right now, I know how much it can hurt to be betrayed in this way.

She is asking for nothing now, so act fast, because down the road when reality sets in she will not be so generous with her wants - right now she is infatuated with her AP so doesn't even realize all the needs she has that were being met until now by you. So go see your lawyer tomorrow, get the separation agreement drafted up as quick as possible so that when it does come time for you to make concessions you have a much better position to negotiate from.

Be aware that the process will take time and can be stopped easily at any point, which gives you time to come to grips, begin decoupling and emotionally detaching, and also decided if you would ever be willing to offer the gift of reconciliation if/when she shows signs of remorse. Make sure that if she does come running back that she truly is remorseful and do not sweep this under the rug, it will take atleast a couple years to emotionally recover from this (whether you R or D). Read up on the "180" on this site and let her go, go dark on her, do not beg or plead with her and do not communicate in any emotional way with her, only business.

I think a lot of cheating or wayward spouses have it in their minds that they will still be best friends with the one they are leaving, it is up to you to decide if that is the kind of relationship you want to have but I'm pretty sure that as a devoted husband, being friends only with an ex W causes a lot more pain - this isn't a mutual choice, it is a unilateral decision on her to end the marriage. That isn't what friends do. If you feel anger, now is appropriate time to embrace it and use it.

Sorry you are here bcc.

edit: oh and btw, if it wasn't clear, it is not normal for someone to end their marriage and within three weeks be dating as if it is no big deal - she had this lined up before separation and most likely was already started... in my case, my ex was doing everything but sexual intercourse with her AP until the weekend after she said "I think I want a divorce" and then just left it at that - she never once has even admitted she had an affair or committed adultery - hint: sex with someone other than your H is still adultery in most jurisdictions, and by most people's moral compass.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

bcc said:


> My life is crushed , but im wondering is there is really no guy but her best friend???? What do you think


Does it even matter the gender? 

Regardless, the fact remains that she is having an affair. 

Cut her off and work on you.

You will be the one that comes out smelling like roses.


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