# How to have parental sex education for my 10 Y/O daughter



## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

My 10 year old daughter started her period late last year and she hasnt started any sex education classes in school yet and furthermore, I feel that sex education in the midwest is terrible, so I plan to take a day off of work, and have her take a day off of school and myself, my wife and my daughter will have a talk about sex, pregnancy, rape, STDs and consent.

To put it plainly, I dont know where to begin or how to structure this talk, but i feel like its imperative to do this before she learns bad information that will put her at risk of pregnancy, rape and STDs .

For example my wife didnt learn she could get pregnant until she actually got pregnant at 16, her sex ed consisted of the sexual biology of chickens (WTF) and several members of mine and my wifes family have experienced rape and molestation and I want for my daughter to be able to guard herself against this.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

HUGE kudo's to you for doing this for your daughter. I think you're very wise. I wholeheartedly agree that she needs to know this stuff BEFORE a situation arises where she needs to make a decision. 

Knowledge is power.

Have you always been fairly open about things like periods, sex etc in your house? If you have, you've already paved the way for her to feel comfortable asking questions.

I wouldn't structure it too much, and I'd leave the talk about periods/cramps/pads vs tampons etc. to your wife - but you can still be there, if you asked your wife some questions, it would probably help your daughter to feel more comfortable.

You have a huge role to play in this too - you were once a teenage boy after all and you know how they think. You can give her the inside story on teenage boys 

It's also more important than ever that your daughter knows that no matter what, there's one man in the world who thinks she's beautiful, and perfect and his little princess. If she doesn't get attention from you, she'll go looking for it in the wrong places.

Dad's are so important at this time in a girls life, and sadly so often overlooked...


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You may want to check out the book "our bodies, our selves"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

I think I an all day info dump would probably overwhelm a 10-year-old. Hopefully, your wife has covered all the mechanics of dealing with a period. But it is very important to impart that what that actually means, i.e. fertility.

When my oldest daughter was 12, I sat her down and had a very serious and informative conversation that lasted around an hour. I covered periods, teenage pregnancy, STD's, and the general wild emotions that were going to be coming her way with the onset of puberty. She was a late bloomer, so this was pretty new to her, although many of her friends had already started puberty. 

I also gave her a reference book that I bought from Amazon that is geared toward the prepubescent. It answers questions from acne to STD's. There are quite a few to choose from. And most importantly, I encouraged her to come to me with any questions she has. Any at all. My job is to help her through this transition. 

Since then, I have had several more conversations with her about these topics, but in a much more relaxed manner. Usually, I try to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves to talk about these topics. If you pay attention to pop culture at all, there will be many examples to choose from. There are so many bad examples, I pick one that is relevant and we discuss why a person is making bad decisions and what the consequences might be. Sometimes, unfortunately, we don't have to look any further than our own families or neighborhoods to find those bad examples, but I never fail to point them out and explain how they are hurting themselves and their futures by making bad choices.


----------



## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

mablenc said:


> You may want to check out the book "our bodies, our selves"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That book is very progressive, anti male and written by a feminist, Naomi Wolf. 

Any great bookstore, like Barnes and Noble, will have age appropriate books about growing up being female.


----------



## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

When I was roughly your daughter's age (right before hitting puberty) my parents got me this book. It's age appropriate and very informative, I remember flipping through it quite a bit.

The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls, Revised Edition: Valorie Schaefer, Josee Masse: 9781609580834: Amazon.com: Books


----------



## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

I got that book for my daughter but it does not talk about sex or pregnancy. 
I think a one day talk is going to be too much for her all at once. Find a good book and read it with her a little at a time.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

No long day all about sex! Oh the horror for her.

My daughter asked at 5 where babies come from and I told her in her terms in a very brief manner. She digested it and went away. Every so often she would hear something at school or get curious and ask questions and I would answer. Sex ed is ongoing. By 10 she has heard a LOT. Like MORE than you every thought. Way more.

She'll know about PIV, oral, maybe even anal penetration. She probably has heard/seen rude sexual remarks and gestures. I'd start more with dinner conversation or talking to her when you are driving somewhere. Ask her if she knows how pregnancy happens. Then fill in some blanks. Tell her the myths - you CAN get pregnant the first time; you CAN get pregnant from naked cuddling if pre-ejaculate gets near the vaginal opening. 

Another day ask her what the knows about birth control. Cover all of them. Have a discussion about abortion - tell her how you feel about it. 

Another day talk about the emotional aspect - how girls get pressured to give oral sex when they won't have PIV sex. Or how kids often say they have when they haven't. Ask if she has any friends or knows girls who have done anything with boys (looked, touched, oral - or even had actual sex) and ask why she thinks they did that. Did they want the boy to like them? Did it make the boy like them? Did that last? 

Talk about situations she may find herself in that are dangerous. To rely on her gut. Include alcohol, rape drugs, etc. Friends with creepy relatives that make her feel weird. 

It's a progressive topic, not an all-in-one-day topic. IMO.


----------



## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

Honestly I think it's something a mom should do. I just don't think most girls want to hear about it from their dad.
It might be too early to talk about rape explicitly or abortion.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Oldfaithful said:


> Honestly I think it's something a mom should do. I just don't think most girls want to hear about it from their dad.
> It might be too early to talk about rape explicitly or abortion.


I disagree. Who better to tell a girl about the male body? A big part of sex is understanding your partner. He may be able to answer questions that his wife cannot. He has a perspective his wife doesn't. Like random erections that boys get - letting her know it just happens and to be sympathetic - what if she didn't realize she started her period and it could be seen on her skirt? Same sort of embarrassing situation, yet completely natural.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Your approach may be too much too soon all at once. And keeping her out of school for a day right after she began her menses will maybe give her the impression that something is amiss/wrong/weird/different than business as usual. 

You can get My Body My Self for Girls and this is age appropriate. My 9 year old got this book from me last summer, her brother got the same book for boys, and she has read that too (I recommend getting it for your daughter...)

Just talk about stuff in the news, watch teen-related movies, and talk about her friends. You don't have to go all-out reactive in one day to edu-bombard a kid who probably still plays with dolls once in a while?

Kids like the mechanics of things, like how to insert a tampon (info provided by manufacturers) what different parts are named and how to identify them (make sure mirror and privacy are available) and other stuff (whether they will be shaving pit and arm hair, and when) and finding comfortable bra fit, whether to flush or wrap tampon/pad and how to wipe properly...what to do in the morning if sheets soiled (oops) and so forth.


----------



## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I disagree. Who better to tell a girl about the male body? A big part of sex is understanding your partner. He may be able to answer questions that his wife cannot. He has a perspective his wife doesn't. Like random erections that boys get - letting her know it just happens and to be sympathetic - what if she didn't realize she started her period and it could be seen on her skirt? Same sort of embarrassing situation, yet completely natural.


I just think it's really creepy.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My daughters were waaaay ahead of me in this department 

Nothing like taking them for the annual checkup and the female pediatrician getting real detailed...

The public school actually did a pretty good job of explaining the birds & bees very early on - probably 5th grade maybe 4th even. They sent us home the materials and so on and we used the opportunity to review ahead of time.


----------



## Stressedandsad (Jan 29, 2014)

I really like the "What's happening to my body book for girls" It's got some drawings and some are graphic but they are well done. My daughter loved it and really appreciated getting the info. She asks questions from time to time and if it's really embarrassing, she writes it down for me. Good Luck!


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I would add to the list of things you're telling her: 

Be prepared that some guys don't consider having sex with you to automatically mean that you are "exclusive" or "in a relationship" or "in love." Girls may think that having sex means all of those things, and then are shocked to find out he thinks none of those are true. 

Tell her that until you're ready to have a talk with a guy about what your relationship status is, and what your respective views on when sex is supposed to happen in a relationship, you're not ready to have sex.

My oldest is now 17. She's had two long term boyfriends, and has said that she's had this talk with both of them.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why does it take a full day to talk about it?


----------

