# Possibly the hardest day of my life..



## SimpleMeasures (Nov 23, 2010)

Hello, it's the night of Christmas. It's the first Christmas where my soon-to-be ex and I did not spend together in the last five years. To make the matter worse, I am in a State/country where I have no other family, and very limited friends. Our 2yr old son was asking about him all day long, and tonight he called, first time in the past two months since he left. My son literally was glued to the phone and cried and screamed whenever I tried to take it away. I did not realize how much my son missed him until tonight. It was heartbreaking... 

Here's a short description of my situation if it helps whoever will be reading this to understand: my husband used to be a drug addict before we met, but at the time we met he was clean and had just been through rehab. I gave him a chance, believing that he was completely reformed. Then there was always the issue of him smoking, which we fought about almost all the time. Usually is me smelling it on him and he denying and lying about it. My trust for him begun to weaken and eventually it was completely gone. He and I had some very heated fights which led to me calling the police (kind of a last straw for him). He didn't hit me, but he put his hands over my mouth and I was struggling to breath. I thought he was going to kill me. For that, he did not feel guilty, because he thinks that I hit him (I pushed and pinched him) and that I screamed and acted crazy, he was ONLY restraining me. He had been telling everyone that I am abusive both emotionally and physically. Most people believe him. But, it is NOT true. I nag a lot because he lies a lot, he didn't want to get a job, didn't help out much around the house, never took care of the bills... basically acted like a baby. On top of that, I work and support the three of us, I wake up every night and morning with our baby.... the list goes on and on.
The last straw for me was when I discovered his frequent order of this thing called Kratom and also online subscription pain killers. I knew that he was being sneaky but only till recently was I to realize that he has probably relapsed. Whatever stuff that he was on altered his personality completely, even my son was very insecure around him, and constantly asked for me to carry him. I tried talking some senses into him but nothing worked. He simply denied it and said he had a back problem.

He left two months ago for work (his previous job needed him back for a while), and during the same time his father called me a few times (he and I only communicated twice including tonight). His father said that he was planning on staying there and I told him that's probably the best, and that I didn't want him back. I was going to pursue a divorce. His dad arranged for him to stay there and that was that. Then tonight, he called just like nothing had happened, and was bragging to me about his job going to offer him full time, and he is excited about making some serious money for our son...

I just feel REALLY, REALLY heartbroken when my son wouldn't let go of him. I don't know if I should wait on the divorce and keep trying to talk to my husband about his addiction, or just go ahead and file. It's so sad to think that my son will have to grown up without his father. 

Anyone out there that could shed some light on my story?


----------



## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

all I could say is i am sorry for what you and your son are going through, I hope that you both find peace. 

Many blessings, God bless!


----------



## mariem1967 (Dec 1, 2010)

You should maybe give him another chance for the sake of your son. But, make it clear what you want from you husband. Make some clear simple rules that can't be broken. Protect your son and yourself before you give him that chance. If he makes another mistake than thats it.


----------



## SimpleMeasures (Nov 23, 2010)

Thank you both for your replies. I don't see a lot of stories here about drug addiction and I just don't know what the outcome is going to be. I feel that I've told him enough about wanting him to quit and he KNOWS that is the best for everyone, but he just doesn't seem to be taking any steps forward. I'm lucky if he doesn't get worse! I know about AA meetings but I wonder if there's any marriage therapists out there that deals with drug addiction? I feel that the only hope for us will have to start there. Even then I know it will be a very tough path ahead of us. It seems that the "easiest" would be to file the papers now and try to get on with my life. Just so hard thinking our son has to suffer because of our mistakes!!!


----------

