# I'm really angry with my relationship



## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

Hi,

Ive used this forum before and found it very helpful so am hoping to get some guidance with this road block in my relationship.

I have known my girlfriend for a while now. We get on great most of the time. We have the same type of job but we dont work together. And i love her. She makes me happy. Now i know nothings perfect and compromises have to be made. now heres where am at.

When we got together i was not long separated from my wife. My now girlfriend knew i had 2 dogs and one would eventually be staying with me. My girlfriend had an old dog so it wasnt suitable for my dog to be around hers as it was distressing for her dog. Her dog passed away and she got a new one who met my dog and they get on well. Now shes never really liked my dog she says because it casts alot of hair and her dogs have been a type of breed where they dont cast any hair. She used to keep horses and i used to come out in a rash due to my allergy but i put up with it and took tablets for it. We are now at the point of wanting to stay together and share a home which will hopefully have land so she can keep horses again and am all for that. Horses make her happy but shes said its not going to happen if i keep my dog. Now for this plan to happen i will be the one relocating 100's of miles away from family and friends, i was going to give up my house to fund this land and new home. It seems to me i will be making all the effort and all she has to do is accept my dog. Now she'll be keeping her dog but she insists she cant stay with my dog because of the hair it casts. I see this as really unfair when am willing to move location and make major changes.

Since this has emerged other things have started to bother me. Ive noticed am always the one doing the traveling and staying over at hers. When am there my dog sleeps in the kitchen and is not allowed to wander the house while her dog gets the run of the place. I dont have anyone to watch my pet apart from dog kennels that cost money while her mum and dad regularly watches her dog while shes at work but she wont put it there overnight and come to mine. This seems really unfair to me and i know the mistake i made in my last relationship by compromising so much that i basically gave her my balls and my life became hell.

I dont want to fall out with my girlfriend but i want her to see it from my side but shes dug her heels in and is not going to compromises on it. i guess am asking "what do i do".

Cheers,
Kevin :smthumbup:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Stop skimping on your principles.

And read NMMNG as soon as possible.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

Hi thanks for getting back to me so quick. What do you mean by that. could you elaborate please.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

KevinScotland said:


> ... i know the mistake i made in my last relationship by compromising so much that i basically gave her my balls and my life became hell.
> 
> I dont want to fall out with my girlfriend but i want her to see it from my side but shes dug her heels in and is not going to compromises on it. i guess am asking "what do i do".


Are you serious? You have answered your own question. This is nothing more than a war of wills. She doesn't want your dog in her life. She does not want to compromise. You want her to accept your dog. You want her to compromise.

Guess what? You are reliving your previous relationship. Either get ready to part with your balls again or leave.

It's that simple. Period.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

Yea i kinda know thats where am at. And thats exactly the choice my own thinking is telling me. I just wanted it confirmed by others on here to make sure i wasn't being an a$$hole.

To add also to this. I found a conversation between her and one of her friends concerning this matter and the friends advice was "go out and pull some young hot farmer, that'll pi$$ him off"


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

KevinScotland said:


> Hi thanks for getting back to me so quick. What do you mean by that. could you elaborate please.


Ok first, you have ALREADY(!) a long list of caving in to this woman. Just the way she likes it. How sweet. You're her doormat in training.

Find your cajones and stop letting her dictate how your relationship works. And, if she doesn't like the new, alpha you, better that you learn NOW, before you give up everything you know and love just to please her.

NMMNG = No More Mr Nice Guy. A book you need to read asap.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

btw, here's your REAL problem.


KevinScotland said:


> When we got together i was not long separated from my wife.


You never took the time to be alone, learn to be ok by yourself, learn to love yourself, and be willing to BE by yourself if a woman didn't treat you well.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

She's being very unreasonable.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

turnera said:


> Stop skimping on your principles.
> 
> And read NMMNG as soon as possible.


NMMNG = No More Mister Nice Guy.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> btw, here's your REAL problem.You never took the time to be alone, learn to be ok by yourself, learn to love yourself, and be willing to BE by yourself if a woman didn't treat you well.


I thought about this but in my defense it was very casual to begin with for a long time


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

KevinScotland said:


> Yea i kinda know thats where am at. And thats exactly the choice my own thinking is telling me. I just wanted it confirmed by others on here to make sure i wasn't being an a$$hole.
> 
> To add also to this. I found a conversation between her and one of her friends concerning this matter and the friends advice was "go out and pull some young hot farmer, that'll pi$$ him off"


Why are people like this? Some friend.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

ebp123 said:


> NMMNG = No More Mister Nice Guy.


Yea i still have my copy from my separation. Just grabbed it off the book shelf again to begin working on me again


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

KevinScotland said:


> I thought about this but in my defense it was very casual to begin with for a long time


Really? So you went 4 or 5 months without hanging out with any women?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

If you've already read NMMNG, and you're still a doormat, you should move on to reading MMSLP.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> Really? So you went 4 or 5 months without hanging out with any women?


No not as long as that. 2 monthish


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> If you've already read NMMNG, and you're still a doormat, you should move on to reading MMSLP.


Read that also but to be honest i thought it was a bit crude.

I know what ive done wrong now. Ive got comfortable with this new relationship and stopped working on ME.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

ebp123 said:


> Why are people like this? Some friend.


P.S were not ********


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

KevinScotland said:


> No not as long as that. 2 monthish


Try 4 months after this one.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

KevinScotland said:


> Read that also but to be honest i thought it was a bit crude.
> 
> I know what ive done wrong now. Ive got comfortable with this new relationship and stopped working on ME.


No offense, Kevin, but it sounds like neither of the books did you any good. Maybe an IC?


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> No offense, Kevin, but it sounds like neither of the books did you any good. Maybe an IC?


none taken :smthumbup:


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Horse people are selfish.....


There, I said it.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

If you are forking out for this new house and land then you absolutely get to say who or what is going to live in it with you.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Tell her she has a choice- you and your dog or be alone with hers and her horses. If she chooses the latter, you haven't lost a thing


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Kylie84 said:


> Tell her she has a choice- you and your dog or be alone with hers and her horses. If she chooses the latter, you haven't lost a thing


Um, yeah. :iagree:

I admit I am not a pet person but what the heck? Does she want the man or not? Who cares about dog hair -- she can hire a cleaner to clean it. 

And the comment about getting a hot young farmer? WTH. 

Doesn't sound like you should be making any more effort in my opinion. Sorry to be so blunt.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

Tread carefully with someone who demands you part with what you love, whether it is a pet, hobby, friends and family. Do not make hasty changes in your life. You must have a gut feeling or intuition telling you the requirement to give up your dog is not going to be the only concession you make. At the least, it will surface later as a huge resentment. Try to picture your situation five or ten years from now.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

turnera said:


> Try 4 months after this one.


Better yet he ought to try a year like I did. Helped me tremendously.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I always (until this one! oops) tell people to wait at LEAST a year before dating again.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

KevinScotland said:


> Hi,
> 
> Ive used this forum before and found it very helpful so am hoping to get some guidance with this road block in my relationship.
> 
> ...


You punch yourself in the stomach so those two small things drop back down between your legs and then USE THEM.

Sorry but you're involved with an EXTREMELY selfish woman. There's no compromise with her, it's her way or no way and you've pandered to that.

No relationship will last long term unless both parties are having their needs met, and that both parties take a vested interest in making sure their partner's needs are met. Does this sound like your relationship?

Sorry but cut your losses and don't "sell your life"


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## ecotime47 (Apr 3, 2013)

Sorry you're going through this. If you guys are really in love, the dog seems like such a minor concession on her part. IDK - hope it works out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

This isn't about love. It's about establishing dominance. She expects to rule the roost so she's giving you sh*t tests.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Time to cut her loose....


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

Dude, why would you relocate away from everyone and everything you know with a selfish girlfriend and all work done expenses by you? She is not your wife, she is not your child, she is your girlfriend. 

This is a blessing in disguise. Your girlfriend is selfish, self-centered, and has no respect for you or anything that belongs to you. I would let her go right into the arms of a 'young *******' so he can DEAL with her ****, not me. 

Don't be that guy. Your dog > your girl.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> This isn't about love. It's about establishing dominance. She expects to rule the roost so she's giving you sh*t tests.


Hey folks - much has been said and it's mostly all been echoing my own thinking but like I said I just wanted to double check I wasn't being an a$$hole. It does seem like an unreasonable boundary which is about dominance and not about give and take. I think the most annoying thing about it is she has had 2 dogs now between me having my dog and she owns horses and gets covered in sh1t and pi$$ from horses. It makes it just seem even more of a contradiction.

She's now playing the "am not gonna get in contact with him" game. This has happened before and I was the one who got in contact first because we were meant to be going to a friends wedding so rather than miss out I phoned her up and made up. When I did do that I knew I was giving in to her bull and it would come back and bit me in the a$$ and now it is. Well thanks to people on here giving me an honest answer (I could have asked friends but they just tell you what ya wanna hear) and to quote a previous post it's time to punch myself in the stomach and hold on to my nuts.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Time to spend some time with yourself.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

Hey peeps, ok here's the update. I gave her a call today and gave her what for with her attitude lately. Told her what I thought about her playin games and the situation about me and the dog as a package wasn't gonna change so she'd better find a way to get over it or there's no point in me thinkin about a future together. I told her I'd be the one looking after my dog, brushing her, walkin her and I'll help with the house work to make sure there's never a mountain of hair all over the place. She tried a bit of resistance but I explained clearly without getting angry at her I wasn't going to waste my time any longer with this if it's going nowhere. She backed down and we've came to an agreement that's fair I think. I also told her the way her sister and friend had been commenting about me and suggesting she should go pull someone else am not going to tolerate that kinda crap and she'd better get the story straight with them cause am not gonna get demonised by folk who only get to hear your side of the story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Wow! Look at you, all manly like! Good job!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turnera said:


> This isn't about love. It's about establishing dominance. She expects to rule the roost so she's giving you sh*t tests.


Yep this is her sh*t test.. if you give up your dog it establishes her as being in control.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What breed is your dog? and what is her dog? Just trying to get mental picture of all this.

You did very well today.

Just make sure that she does not now mistreat your dog. Keep an eye on that. He keeping your dog locked up in her kitchen while hers has the run of the house is not acceptable.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What breed is your dog? and what is her dog? Just trying to get mental picture of all this.
> 
> You did very well today.
> 
> Just make sure that she does not now mistreat your dog. Keep an eye on that. He keeping your dog locked up in her kitchen while hers has the run of the house is not acceptable.


My dogs a mix of a few hounds hers is a syllium terrier. They get on well together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> Wow! Look at you, all manly like! Good job!


I just explained to her it was a load of bull she was tryin to pull and it's time to make a choice. Me and the my dog and a compromise or nothing. I wasn't actin like a ****.

I knew I was in the right but like I said I wanted to double check on here first and that gave me the confidence to put my opinion on the table knowing there was no reasonable come back by her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

KevinScotland said:


> My dogs a mix of a few hounds hers is a syllium terrier. They get on well together.


Hounds shed a lot? Really?

I have a Newfoundlander, a border collie and an German/Australian shepherd mix. One lone hound mix is not a lot of shedding. 

She is definitely making way too much out of the amount of shedding your dog does. This is about she wants her stuff and not yours. Very bad sign.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Hounds shed a lot? Really?
> 
> I have a Newfoundlander, a border collie and an German/Australian shepherd mix. One lone hound mix is not a lot of shedding.
> 
> She is definitely making way too much out of the amount of shedding your dog does. This is about she wants her stuff and not yours. Very bad sign.


Wow a Newfoundland. My dog was brought up with a Bernese mountian dog. I will admit she does cast hair but I believe she's that focused on it it looks worse than it is. I will agree to brush her. When we goto bed my dog will still sleep in the kitchen but she'll have a rug or something that's her in the livingroom when were both up watchin TV. My dog won't be allowed on the furniture. Hers will be but am fine with that if that's how she wants her dog to behave but mines won't be lounging around on the sofa. That's my rules not hers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I bought a cute little 2-pound black furball from the shelter, thinking I'd get a little lapdog. She's 95 pounds now and takes up the whole couch. We asked the guy at the booth at the dog show for Newfoundland rescues if she might be one, she looks like one. He said if she sits on your lap and you think your legs are gonna break, she probably is, lol.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> I bought a cute little 2-pound black furball from the shelter, thinking I'd get a little lapdog. She's 95 pounds now and takes up the whole couch. We asked the guy at the booth at the dog show for Newfoundland rescues if she might be one, she looks like one. He said if she sits on your lap and you think your legs are gonna break, she probably is, lol.


Yea my dog came from a rehoming kennels. She'd had a hard life when I got her. Am her 4th home so there's no way am gonna put her thru a big change again. She's such a soaky dog too. She is a pest for attention but who isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

turnera said:


> I bought a cute little 2-pound black furball from the shelter, thinking I'd get a little lapdog. She's 95 pounds now and takes up the whole couch. We asked the guy at the booth at the dog show for Newfoundland rescues if she might be one, she looks like one. He said if she sits on your lap and you think your legs are gonna break, she probably is, lol.


LOL... my Shepard cross is well over 110 lbs. and thinks he's still a lap dog. The only reason the newfie does not do this anymore is because he has a hurt leg and it's hard for him to get up there and I'm not picking him up.. not in this life time 

I had something similar happen to me with the newfie. He was 45 lbs. They old me he was a year old at the rescue. Then I took him to the vet for his first checkup and the vet said that he was about 4 month newfoundler. Oops. I think recuses do this figuring that the dog will win our hearts over before the triple or more in size.. it work for my dog. Sounds like it worked for yours too.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What does soaky mean? What country are you from?


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

turnera said:


> What does soaky mean? What country are you from?


Am from scotland - I meant sooky - ya know she likes to be patted and will lick ya and get all excited when she sees ya come home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

We also have a purebred Australian Shepherd, who we used to think was a normal size, lol. He looks like a midget next to her.

I'd show a picture but I can't figure out how.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

Glad to see were talkin relationships on this forum .. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

KevinScotland said:


> Am from scotland - I meant sooky
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


sooky

A sook, a crybaby; Complaining, whingeing, sad; jealous; Sentimental, sissy; timid


I don't think this is a word that American use much. I've never heard it before. When I first read it I thought that you misspelled "spooky". Like when a dog is afraid of things.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

KevinScotland said:


> Glad to see were talkin relationships on this forum .. Lol


Hey this is about a man and his dog.. you bet it's about relationships


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

Loads of folk see my dog and think Rhodesian ridgeback cause of her colour. Her records say she's a Labrador/German Shepard cross. I think Labrador/staffishire bull terrier. She gets on great with everyone. Especially kids. If there's kids around she sits next to them constantly looking to get petted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

Help! My dog Hunter hates water. - www.ifish.net

That's my dogs double. Only mines looks more stupid ... Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

KevinScotland said:


> Help! My dog Hunter hates water. - www.ifish.net
> 
> That's my dogs double. Only mines looks more stupid ... Lol


Nice looking dog.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

Great to see that you stood up to her and for both you and your dog.  Maybe she really isn't fond of your dog or she is somehow jealous, but in any ways it's so selfish of her, to not only demand you to get rid of your own dog with such lame excuse and after you have sacrificed so much for her, but also coz she wants a dog being given up. Isn't she an animal lover too? Can't she look into their eyes and know that they are not just fluffy plushies but also beings with emotions too? A dog given up to the shelter might never get to see a warm home and a loving owner again...

Also, it's good that you can stand up to her, coz a man that submits to his partner's unreasonable demands is only making things worse. The more you do it, and allow her to disrespect your own needs, the more she gets used to do so. This is unfortunately one of the common issues as many men often simply do their partners' will in order to avoid conflicts, but all they could avoid is short term conflict, while their partners loses more and more respect for them.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

I agree you've done well, however I see some glaring red flags here, and this will not be the last time she tries to stamp her authority down. I'd be a little cautious about selling up and moving in with someone who comes across as being very selfish IMO. Good luck dude


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would not compromise too much if I were you. You are not married. You can be picky.

And don't be afraid to let her go, either. Value yourself. You want someone who treats your dog as equal to her own. Anything less is pretty immature, imo.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

ricky15100 said:


> I agree you've done well, however I see some glaring red flags here, and this will not be the last time she tries to stamp her authority down. I'd be a little cautious about selling up and moving in with someone who comes across as being very selfish IMO. Good luck dude


I agree. If you buy that land, it needs to be in your name only. Keep her at arms length financially until you've seen years of better behavior.


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## KevinScotland (Oct 7, 2012)

Nucking Futs said:


> I agree. If you buy that land, it needs to be in your name only. Keep her at arms length financially until you've seen years of better behavior.


Thank you to everyone for there feedback - like I said there's nothing been said that hasn't went through my own thoughts - it's nice to know we're all singing from the same hymn sheet.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Nucking Futs said:


> I agree. If you buy that land, it needs to be in your name only. Keep her at arms length financially until you've seen years of better behavior.


:iagree::iagree:
You do not owe her. Be vert careful what you promise while you are in the 'pink cloud' phase of a relationship.


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