# I'm new. Need advice



## BrittB

Hello. I'm 28 and I'm married with a wonderful husband. i'm new


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## jlg07

Welcome Britt, and sorry you are having issues.

In what way are you immature in your relationship? Can you give examples? What issues are these causing?
How is your communication with your H??


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## Andy1001

BrittB said:


> Hello. My name is Brittney. I'm 28 and I'm married with a wonderful husband but I'm scared he might leave me. I need to stop acting like a kid and act like a grown woman. My immaturity is taking its toll on our marriage and I need advice on keeping him forever. Please help me change.


Hi Brittney. 
If this is really your photograph you may want to consider changing it for privacy purposes. 
You look great though lol.


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## Cynthia

BrittB said:


> Hello. My name is Brittney. I'm 28 and I'm married with a wonderful husband but I'm scared he might leave me. I need to stop acting like a kid and act like a grown woman. My immaturity is taking its toll on our marriage and I need advice on keeping him forever. Please help me change.


Hi, Welcome to TAM.
A couple of things:

Since you are posting personal information here, I recommend you do not share anything that is personally identifying, including your name. I use my name, because I don't post anything on here that I would be embarrassed about if someone I know read it and I don't ask for marriage advice here. If I were, I wouldn't have my name on here.

Most new people tend to post a wall of text without paragraphs. When you post your story, please make it easy for people to read and follow. 

Tell us specifically why you think your husband may leave you and what immature things you have been doing. Why are you doing those things when you know it is hurting your husband? What can we do to help?


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## BrittB

jlg07 said:


> Welcome Britt, and sorry you are having issues.
> 
> In what way are you immature in your relationship? Can you give examples? What issues are these causing?
> How is your communication with your H??


Acting like a kid, not a grown woman and not defending him


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## BrittB

jlg07 said:


> Welcome Britt, and sorry you are having issues.
> 
> In what way are you immature in your relationship? Can you give examples? What issues are these causing?
> How is your communication with your H??


My communication is okay but I want to do better


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## jlg07

1. Not defending him -- from who/what? Why do you need to defend him? Why DON'T you?

2. Acting like a kid -- are you throwing temper tantrums and stomping your feet? Are you spending all your money and lying to him about it? Are you keeping sex from him if he makes you mad? Are you flirting with other men and throwing it in his face?
Exactly how? Hard to gauge immaturity here from the response.


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## Cynthia

Is he angry with you? If so, please tell us exactly what happened. We can't help you unless you give us specific incidents.


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## BrittB

CynthiaDe said:


> Is he angry with you? If so, please tell us exactly what happened. We can't help you unless you give us specific incidents.


I started crying when he got mad at me for telling our business to my mother and I stormed out of the room and went into our bedroom to cool off


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## BrittB

Andy1001 said:


> Hi Brittney.
> If this is really your photograph you may want to consider changing it for privacy purposes.
> You look great though lol.


That is my photograph


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## BrittB

jlg07 said:


> 1. Not defending him -- from who/what? Why do you need to defend him? Why DON'T you?
> 
> 2. Acting like a kid -- are you throwing temper tantrums and stomping your feet? Are you spending all your money and lying to him about it? Are you keeping sex from him if he makes you mad? Are you flirting with other men and throwing it in his face?
> Exactly how? Hard to gauge immaturity here from the response.


From negative talk from my mother, crying


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## BrittB

CynthiaDe said:


> Hi, Welcome to TAM.
> A couple of things:
> 
> Since you are posting personal information here, I recommend you do not share anything that is personally identifying, including your name. I use my name, because I don't post anything on here that I would be embarrassed about if someone I know read it and I don't ask for marriage advice here. If I were, I wouldn't have my name on here.
> 
> Most new people tend to post a wall of text without paragraphs. When you post your story, please make it easy for people to read and follow.
> 
> Tell us specifically why you think your husband may leave you and what immature things you have been doing. Why are you doing those things when you know it is hurting your husband? What can we do to help?


I just need help to change


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## notmyjamie

BrittB said:


> I started crying when he got mad at me for telling our business to my mother and I stormed out of the room and went into our bedroom to cool off


I think the bigger problem is telling his personal business to your mother. That's an invasion of his privacy. I don't blame him for being mad. So he called you out on your bad behavior and you couldn't take the criticism so you cried and stormed off. 

I'd suggest, you first apologize for telling your Mom his business and then apologize for your response to him calling you out on it, which he had every right to do.


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## BrittB

notmyjamie said:


> I think the bigger problem is telling his personal business to your mother. That's an invasion of his privacy. I don't blame him for being mad. So he called you out on your bad behavior and you couldn't take the criticism so you cried and stormed off.
> 
> I'd suggest, you first apologize for telling your Mom his business and then apologize for your response to him calling you out on it, which he had every right to do.


I already apologized and took responsibility for that


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## BrittB

can anyone help me change


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## Tasorundo

Only you can change you.


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## notmyjamie

BrittB said:


> can anyone help me change


I'd recommend some individual counseling to figure out why you are the way you are. From there you can work on fixing it. 

Has your husband threatened to leave you? I think counseling would show him that you're serious about making some changes in your life.


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## BrittB

Tasorundo said:


> Only you can change you.


Maybe you're right. I do need to make changes in my life and in myself. I need to start defending me and my husband and show him that I really want to change. No more acting like a kid. It's time for me to accept change and be woman enough to change the way I am


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## BrittB

notmyjamie said:


> I'd recommend some individual counseling to figure out why you are the way you are. From there you can work on fixing it.
> 
> Has your husband threatened to leave you? I think counseling would show him that you're serious about making some changes in your life.


No, I don't need a therapist to help me change. Only I can do that. Thank you for the recommendation anyway


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## notmyjamie

BrittB said:


> No, I don't need a therapist to help me change. Only I can do that. Thank you for the recommendation anyway


With respect, if only you can do that, why are you here asking people to help you change?


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## BrittB

notmyjamie said:


> With respect, if only you can do that, why are you here asking people to help you change?


I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have asked people to help. I only wanted advice. That's all.


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## notmyjamie

BrittB said:


> I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't have asked people to help. I only wanted advice. That's all.


Well, therapists give advice and since they studied a long time in their field, the advice they give is usually very good and specialized to your case or needs. I don't think you should discard it as an option so quickly. 

I have no idea why you act the way that you do. If I had to give one piece of advice I'd say from now on, before you act, think for a moment and ask yourself if what you're doing is really okay and how you'd feel if someone acted that way towards you.

Hope that helps!


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## BrittB

notmyjamie said:


> Well, therapists give advice and since they studied a long time in their field, the advice they give is usually very good and specialized to your case or needs. I don't think you should discard it as an option so quickly.
> 
> I have no idea why you act the way that you do. If I had to give one piece of advice I'd say from now on, before you act, think for a moment and ask yourself if what you're doing is really okay and how you'd feel if someone acted that way towards you.
> 
> Hope that helps!


True


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## Cynthia

From what you've said, I'm not so sure that you are the problem. What did your husband do that made you cry? Why can't you talk to someone about what is hurting you? Why is it immature to cry? I'm 54 years old and I still cry when I'm hurt and I am not immature.


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## Emerging Buddhist

In your speech, measure by these three rules...

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

If it meets all three then it is worth sharing... this will give you a foundation of awareness from the speech coming from you.


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## jlg07

Britt, a counselor can help you understand specific techniques to help you in all of your areas. There are many different ways to approach this and a counselor would be more of a guide -- YOU still have to do the work to change, but they can help guide you on how to get there.


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