# WW declares “We Aren’t All Homewreckers”



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

UBT: “We Aren’t All Homewreckers”

August 4, 2016 by @chumplady

Anonymous over at XOJane would like the reading public to know that “In all honesty, being a side piece has made me a better woman.” Apparently, it’s the kind of better that dare not speak its name.

You know the Universal Bull**** Translator can’t resist an opportunity to probe the shallow depths of OW self-reflection. So, here we go…

*Some women start affairs for the thrill. Some women start affairs for the sex. Some women expect their affair partner to give them the world. If he’s married, she will go to any length to break that union, no matter what the cost. I am not that woman. No matter what your opinion is of me, I am not a homewrecker.*

No, I’m a better class of woman. I just **** other women’s partners for the thrill and the sex. But I’m not a homewrecker. To wreck your home, you’d have to know I ****ed your partner. And you’ll never know. So, hey, my hands are clean! Did I break your wittle whelationship? I never demanded a commitment! My wrecking is entirely casual.

*  Twenty years ago, I met my husband. He is a wonderful man who loves our kids and me.*

It’s wonderful the way he loves US. Kibbles!

* We’ve been through a lot together. Like most marriages, it hasn’t always been perfect. Two people working though everyday life can have its ups and downs, but we have always dealt with them together. We have raised amazing children together and honestly enjoy each other’s company.*

You can tell my profound regard for my marriage by the way I string cliches together to describe it. And our children are AMAZING, of course. Those hours I spend away from them investing in meaningless ****buddy relationships? Amazing! It’s just a wonder how my selfishness manifests itself as happiness for the greatest good!

* So it may come as a surprise that I am also in a committed relationship with another wonderful man.*

(read the rest here)


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She may not be a better woman, but it sounds like she's a happier woman.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> She may not be a better woman, but it sounds like she's a happier woman.


She's a selfish dishonest woman...who deserves to have her a** booted to the curb...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> She may not be a better woman, but it sounds like she's a happier woman.


There are plenty of guys who are happy to have an open relationship. I have nothing against those that go that route. She could leave husband #1 and be happy. Instead she chooses to use and abuse him.

She's scum. Not because she wants to have sex with many men, but because she cheats.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> She's a selfish dishonest woman...who deserves to have her a** booted to the curb...


I agree. I'm just saying that even lying, cheating, scum may be happy by doing so, even if they don't deserve it.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

What an utterly ridiculous silly woman & man.
Just using their spouses for whatever reasons. 
No marriage is perfect, work it out, but I guess that's difficult for this narcissistic cheating pair. 
Please karma can you come around now? 
These two need a dose of reality! 




Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> I agree. I'm just saying that even lying, cheating, scum may be happy by doing so, even if they don't deserve it.


Agree 100% - people who cheat are enjoying themselves no doubt - its the getting caught part that sucks for them...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> There are plenty of guys who are happy to have an open relationship. I have nothing against those that go that route. She could leave husband #1 and be happy. Instead she chooses to use and abuse him.
> 
> She's scum. Not because she wants to have sex with many men, but because she cheats.


She is a classic cake eater....man cheaters all follow very similar patterns...people who think their wayward is a special snowflake are deluded...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> What an utterly ridiculous silly woman & man.
> Just using their spouses for whatever reasons.
> No marriage is perfect, work it out, but I guess that's difficult for this narcissistic cheating pair.
> Please karma can you come around now?
> ...


Agreed..she is living in a fantasy world..if her H divorces her she will be sobbing wondering what happened...SMH...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Agree 100% - people who cheat are enjoying themselves no doubt - its the getting caught part that sucks for them...


Yeah, unless it's an exit affair, in which case they may be glad to be discovered.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Yeah, unless it's an exit affair, in which case they may be glad to be discovered.


Sex is fun...cheating sex is fun for the cheaters...those who had LTAs who deny it and tell us it wasn't good for them are not being truthful IMO...


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Agreed..she is living in a fantasy world..if her H divorces her she will be sobbing wondering what happened...SMH...


Yes because she's only with him for money & security. 
I bet she'd go crazy if he ever cheated! 
Double standards. 
She's definitely in fantasyland. 



Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> She may not be a better woman, but it sounds like she's a happier woman.


The profoundly narcissistic usually are for a time.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

The ultimate in rug-sweeping cheater-speak

Using "our marriage has had its ups and downs" to describe an affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> The ultimate in rug-sweeping cheater-speak
> 
> Using "our marriage has had its ups and downs" to describe an affair.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cheaters are wonderful at rationalizing aren't they? ever read a cheater who then becomes a victim of infidelity - they are not so eager to rationalize cheating at that point....


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Cheaters are quite a bunch. They can justify just about anything. Hitler should have hired cheaters to do his PR work. Anything that requires secrets and lies is a bad thing. This woman in the article is a bad person. She's so caught up in her own narcissism that she's too blind to see it.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> Yes because she's only with him for money & security.
> *I bet she'd go crazy if he ever cheated!*
> Double standards.
> She's definitely in fantasyland.
> ...


If you ever read SI's wayward section - you see cheaters who become madhatters there all the time and they don't take it so well..the typical case of being able to dish it out and not take it...

When this bubble bursts it is going to be ugly...then she will rewrite her marital history again to make her husband an uncaring SOB...


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I noticed she and OM don't extend the same opportunities to their spouses. 

Just another WS in the fog.


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

People who have affairs because they have so much more "fun" with their AP's are absolute morons. Of course you have more fun, all you do is sneak around and live in a fantasy world where you don't have to deal with any real world problems. I'm sure if she and her husband didn't live with each other or have bills and kids they would have a ton of fun together. I really want to know how she would feel if her husband did the same thing to her. In general if you were once a WW how would you feel if your husband did it to you?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I say line them all up in the village square and start the shootin'.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> If you ever read SI's wayward section - you see cheaters who become madhatters there all the time and they don't take it so well..the typical case of being able to dish it out and not take it...
> 
> When this bubble bursts it is going to be ugly...then she will rewrite her marital history again to make her husband an uncaring SOB...


There is a good post on SI WW section right now for WW. It is very eye opening. Apparently these woman seem to be upset that there BS called them names after they found out they were cheated on. Many of these names fitting descriptions of what they did at the very least. It just reinforces my belief that WS lack the ability of self-analysis.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

sokillme said:


> There is a good post on SI WW section right now for WW. It is very eye opening. Apparently these woman seem to be upset that there BS called them names after they found out they were cheated on. Many of these names fitting descriptions of what they did at the very least. It just reinforces my belief that WS lack the ability of self-analysis.


i do like how some waywards and their BS sympathizers try to equate name calling with going out and repeatedly fvcking someone who is not your spouse...what a bunch of bullsh!t...


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

But, but... It's not hurting anyone!!!  What a load of BS!


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

sokillme said:


> There is a good post on SI WW section right now for WW. It is very eye opening. Apparently these woman seem to be upset that there BS called them names after they found out they were cheated on. Many of these names fitting descriptions of what they did at the very least. It just reinforces my belief that WS lack the ability of self-analysis.


That part of SI is so infuriating. I only go there on rare occasions because the noxious cloud of diseased thinking is thick there.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

TX-SC said:


> That part of SI is so infuriating. I only go there on rare occasions because the noxious cloud of diseased thinking is thick there.


Im not sure whats worse the waywards or their Bs sympathizers...


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

sokillme said:


> There is a good post on SI WW section right now for WW. It is very eye opening. Apparently these woman seem to be upset that there BS called them names after they found out they were cheated on. Many of these names fitting descriptions of what they did at the very least. It just reinforces my belief that WS lack the ability of self-analysis.


Yeah, it's just so tragic when a WS gets their feelings hurt. After all, they're a victim in all this too. Hey, how do I do an eye roll emoji?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

niceguy28 said:


> People who have affairs because they have so much more "fun" with their AP's are absolute morons. Of course you have more fun, all you do is sneak around and live in a fantasy world where you don't have to deal with any real world problems. I'm sure if she and her husband didn't live with each other or have bills and kids they would have a ton of fun together. I really want to know how she would feel if her husband did the same thing to her. *In general if you were once a WW how would you feel if your husband did it to you?*


Great points..affairs are a fansy without the daily grind of day to day living - bills, kids, etc - its just sex and ego kibbles...

As to your last point - she *DESERVES* to be cheated on - some folks say no one deserves to be cheated on well I think cheaters do...they should taste it..see how they like the sh!t sandwich they once served...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

LucasJackson said:


> Yeah, it's just so tragic when a WS gets their feelings hurt. After all, they're a victim in all this too. Hey, how do I do an eye roll emoji?


Perhaps their BH's should have skipped the name calling and slept with their WW's best friend? >


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> That part of SI is so infuriating. I only go there on rare occasions because the noxious cloud of diseased thinking is thick there.


Well I see that site both ways. For instance there was a post on here something like "why did you cheat" and there seemed to be lots of justifications, at the very same time there was one on SI and to a person all but like 2 WS on there said because they were selfish and entitled (in so many words). 

Some of the frequent WS who post on there do really get it. They are rare though. I also think the default point on there is to R, which is bad advice for the most part.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I have had a mad girl crush on CL since I stared reading her a few years ago. I LOVE her UBT. She has a unique way with words that resonates with me. I wrote to her when I wasn't sure how to handle my best friend's denial that her husband was a serial cheater. They are divorced now thank goodness. Huge fan! I don't think I've ever disagreed with what she's said.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

lucy999 said:


> I have had a mad girl crush on CL since I stared reading her a few years ago. I LOVE her UBT. She has a unique way with words that resonates with me. I wrote to her when I wasn't sure how to handle my best friend's denial that her husband was a serial cheater. They are divorced now thank goodness. Huge fan! I don't think I've ever disagreed with what she's said.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


She is doing God's work.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> I have had a mad girl crush on CL since I stared reading her a few years ago. I LOVE her UBT. She has a unique way with words that resonates with me. I wrote to her when I wasn't sure how to handle my best friend's denial that her husband was a serial cheater. They are divorced now thank goodness. Huge fan! I don't think I've ever disagreed with what she's said.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


Agreed she is awesome and empowering for the BS to read..some dont like her but I do..I prefer truth straight no sugar....>

She has a terrific way of describing waywards and their behavior and reduces them from special snowflake to just a common selfish cheater...not so special..


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> She may not be a better woman, but it sounds like she's a happier woman.


Her "happiness" could be a facade.

Ignorance often speaks the loudest. Folks who are happy don't usually feel the need to post this on the internet, unasked.

I don't mind such things. She's got reserved seating on the karma bus. It always comes.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Cletus said:


> I say line them all up in the village square and start the shootin'.


LOL.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

There could be a happy ending here. It sounds like all four are friends.

Swap spouses, and let two of them have the manogamy they thought they had. The other two can take up swinging and live a fulfilling life for them.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> There could be a happy ending here. It sounds like all four are friends.
> 
> Swap spouses, and let two of them have the manogamy they thought they had. The other two can take up swinging and live a fulfilling life for them.


You never know! Actually, I do know, however, since I know of a couple who were friends, both cheated with the other spouse, and ended up permanently swapping spouses while remaining friends. Life is strange.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> You never know! Actually, I do know, however, since I know of a couple who were friends, both cheated with the other spouse, and ended up permanently swapping spouses while remaining friends. Life is strange.


Dug used to work with a guy whose parents did this back in the early 70s. The couples remained friends and stayed in the new marriages until they died. Sometimes people just marry the wrong person the first time around.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Y'know, there are so many cheater cliches and memes in it that I can't help wonder if it is a faked clickbait story?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> She may not be a better woman, but it sounds like she's a happier woman.


Of course!

She's filling up on cake every day at the dessert bar!

Bet she won't be quite so smug and happy when her and her POSOM get busted.

Families know each other.....so each BS will have a double betrayal to deal with.

Those situations tend to be VERY ugly......and not just for the spouses, but for the kids who are usually friends and suddenly have their friendships ruined and ended by their cheating parents.

There are some older WS threads over at Loveshack that dealt with these types of A's.....

Trust me......the fallout from D-Day in them is catastrophic.

Hope this woman feels all her time in Fantasyland will be worth the hurricane destined to blow through her life in the future.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> She's a selfish dishonest woman...who deserves to have her a** booted to the curb...


I wonder how many BS get upset when their booting is met with... k BYE! Whoop. That has gotta suck.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And this is her


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> I wonder how many BS get upset when their booting is met with... k BYE! Whoop. That has gotta suck.


Sure but it shows how the POS wayward truly felt - no time to waste on a false R...so it does suck on one level but it allows the Bs to get the full truth about what a POS their spouse is immediately....


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> Of course!
> 
> She's filling up on cake every day at the dessert bar!
> 
> ...


Agreed..I once read of a situation posted by a POS WW who had an affair with her brother in law who was not only married to her husbands sister but also her husbands best friend. She described how her husband BEGGED the OM not to take his wife away - her story sickened me. Both she and her OM are the worst pieces of sh!t imaginable - their kids are not only friends but cousins! People who engage in such affairs are really slime - it would take a miracle to redeem them in any way.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> And this is her


When it blows up in her face she will deserve all the bad things that happen to her form the fallout...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> I wonder how many BS get upset when their booting is met with... k BYE! Whoop. That has gotta suck.


I think that is the proper response. Embrace the rejection, straighten out your life, and move forward.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> She's scum. Not because she wants to have sex with many men, but because she cheats.


This.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> This.


She is so selfish is is astounding and you know she thinks she is a good person....most cheaters will tell you what good people they are...


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What is XOJane?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> most cheaters will tell you what good people they are...



You have researched this a lot so i seek your opinion. Do you think there are different levels of cheaters? We see the serial unapologetic ones. I don't care about those scum. But what about the ones that have a short EA and are remorseful and are doing all they can to reconcile. Can they not other be a good person?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> You have researched this a lot so i seek your opinion. *Do you think there are different levels of cheaters? * We see the serial unapologetic ones. I don't care about those scum. But what about the ones that have a short EA and are remorseful and are doing all they can to reconcile.* Can they not other be a good person?*


Yes and Yes - I get in trouble sometimes for saying not all affairs are equal..*my view is - now I know its only my view*:

online EA<EA<ONS<Brief Affair<LTA

i know some folks will flame me for that view...saying all affairs are equal i dont necessarily think so..now there are some exceptions within that ranking but I think it stands...

I was referring to the type of woman who wrote the confession - in a LTA who thinks she isnt hurting anyone or cheaters who have LTAs and never really get what they have done to other human beings.. i recently read a thread about the effects of a parents affair on kids and their view of relationships - and many BSs responded saying their spouses affair made their kids fearful and cynical about marriage and kids..

*My initial phrasing was sloppy and overly broad you were correct to ask for a clarification...-my apologies for using too broad a brush... *


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

I also believe some affairs are worse then others, my wife and sisters were worse then many here. My sister had a fourteen year affair, my wife had a six month affair that produced twins. I view these worse then an EA, and in my wife's case I don't think it could have been much worse. So I do believe there are varying degrees to infidelity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

drifting on said:


> I also believe some affairs are worse then others, my wife and sisters were worse then many here. My sister had a fourteen year affair, my wife had a six month affair that produced twins. I view these worse then an EA, and in my wife's case I don't think it could have been much worse. So I do believe there are varying degrees to infidelity.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In some ways, ok. But let's not give grades to these things so that perpetrators can think, oh I'm only half bad.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> In some ways, ok. But let's not give grades to these things so that perpetrators can think, oh I'm only half bad.



Of course we must grade offenses. You can lie about cheating or lie about liking dinner someone cooked for you. One is bad, one not as bad.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Of course we must grade offenses. You can lie about cheating or lie about liking dinner someone cooked for you. One is bad, one not as bad.


That is how I feel...I know of a 20 year LTA where the WS also fincially helped their AP - not only that - but was in their affair for so long also cheated on their AP with at least one ONS - in my eyes that is WAY worse than someone who has an EA or a ONS..

_*Let me be clear I'm not saying the BS wont be hurt by all affairs or any are right but there are levels of deception and disrespect that go along with different types of affairs..*_

For example lets say your spouse had a ONS - would you rather it be in a cheap motel or your bed at home? There is a difference...granted both are poison but one ups the level of disrespect....


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

What a dumb ass. She's no more than a slip up and a couple of D-Days away from being a full-blown homewrecker.

Oh, the lies we tell ourselves...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> What a dumb ass. She's no more than a slip up and a couple of D-Days away from being a full-blown homewrecker.
> 
> *Oh, the lies we tell ourselves...*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

People can rationalize a lot of fvcked up behavior....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> What is XOJane?


http://www.xojane.com/


> xoJane.com is where women go to be their unabashed selves, and where their unabashed selves are applauded – regardless of age, size, ability, location, ...


It's actually an ice hole so Chump Lady can fish for some really nasty fish! :smthumbup:


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I bet her H doesn't know he's in a one sided open marriage.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Marc878 said:


> I bet her H doesn't know he's in a one sided open marriage.


I don't see her being so generous if she found out he had some on the side as well...I once posted an article here where the WW thought her affair was an "ugly gift" to the marriage that helped them make it better but once she found out her BH had cheated as well - she wasn't enjoying the "ugly gift" he had given her in return...see how that works? Sh!t sandwich for thee but not for me....

I agree wiht Gus - when both BSs find out a lot of "homewrecking" will be going on...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> http://www.xojane.com/
> 
> 
> It's actually an ice hole so Chump Lady can fish for some really nasty fish! :smthumbup:


 @chumplady does have a way of carving those folks up doesn't she? >


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> @chumplady does have a way of carving those folks up doesn't she? >


Here she is at work at the XOJANE icehole!


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Here she is at work at the XOJANE icehole!


I do think the WW who wrote her story does not think she is oding anything wrong...she is enjoying her cake eating immensely...althugh she is in for a shock when the bill comes due...

I read one case recently where the WW carried out her affair with TWO different APS (one for years) in both her home and her vacation home - and the BH is still choosing R - scratched my head on that one...That BH needs chumplady to talk some sense into him...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Does ChumpLady actually correspond with these people or does she just offer commentary?


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Does ChumpLady actually correspond with these people or does she just offer commentary?


She sometimes gets letters from WSs I think but this was commentary on this confession....ain't this WW a beauty @bandit.45 ?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> She sometimes gets letters from WSs I think but this was commentary on this confession....ain't this WW a beauty @bandit.45 ?


She's a legend in her own mind.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> She's a legend in her own mind.


Imagine how lucky her husband is going to feel when he finds out she has been screwing a "good man" behind his back...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Imagine how lucky her husband is going to feel when he finds out she has been screwing a "good man" behind his back...


What would the WS say if her husband said: "Yeah, I know. His wife told me a long time ago. And guess what, dear...?"


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> What would the WS say if her husband said: "Yeah, I know. His wife told me a long time ago. And guess what, dear...?"


I think I stated it earlier in this thread - I read an artile where the WW described her affair as an "ugly gift" to help thier marriage her husbands affair - um - well that p!ssed her off..see how that works?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I think I stated it earlier in this thread - I read an artile where the WW described her affair as an "ugly gift" to help thier marriage her husbands affair - um - well that p!ssed her off..see how that works?


Oh, yes.

"Don't do as I do, do as I say!"


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Oh, yes.
> 
> "Don't do as I do, do as I say!"


It's easier to serve a sh!t sandwich than to eat it.... a WS who becomes a mad hatter - interestingly enough they don't like the taste..


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> It's easier to serve a sh!t sandwich than to eat it.... a WS who becomes a mad hatter - interestingly enough they don't like the taste..


You mean like Chumplady?

Didn't she admit to committing adultery on her first husband?

Oh, she did ~~~~ 



Chumplady 10/26/2012 said:


> Once I saw that lawyer, drew up papers, and had that It’s Over speech, I never went back. I told him his personal life was his life, and mine was mine. Then I took a trip to London, wrote my family letters informing them of the divorce, and I had a fling with an old friend. And it felt great. Sex aside, I had forgotten what it felt like to have someone hold my hand or be kind.


Well, she called it a 'fling' so maybe it wasn't that bad. :bsflag: It's so conveniently nice that she drew up papers and told her 1st husband, in advance, that she was declaring herself free to have sex with whomever she wanted {and so was he} and what a nice touch adding in how official she made it sending her family letters from London prior to meeting up and copulating with 'an old friend' who's hands & genitals, it seems, just fell out of the sky and between her legs after all that with such perfect timing so as to make her adultery, in her mind, apparently not cheating. 

Any other betrayed spouse's here get the "'It's over speech' ~ so now I can have sex all I want with the guy I've been chatting and texting with ceaselessly the last several weeks or months and you can't stop me or complain ~~~ it's not cheating/adultery because I'm NOW telling you about it before I even kissed him :bsflag: ????

Adultery is adultery. I can do some ranking too {like, to me, wayward husband's are worse than wayward wives} but I've seen some of the worst adulterers become repentant and completely new trustworthy magnificent persons whereas others, not unlike Chumplady who maybe weren't quite as long term or 'in your face' about it, just never really comprehend the hurtfulness and soul destroying consequences of their behavior to others AND themselves and simply rationalize it away. So it's not necessarily ALL about what you did that makes it better or worse, to me, it's also about what you do thereafter. Starting blogs, fanning anger, promoting unhealthy venting, lying and holding oneself out as a relationship and infidelity expert while discrediting and criticizing every professional and paraprofessional, many of whom have spent their entire lives studying the subject and helping families and marriages is a pretty good indication of someone that doesn't really comprehend this topic as much as she {and others cycling or trapped in anger} think. 

Does anyone here know Chumplady's first husband? She's such a big time author , blogger and internet personality now so you'd think her online persona would have come to his attention by now. He doesn't sound like the greatest guy in the world {according to the cheater}, but it would be interesting to hear his perspective on Chumplady's 'fling'.

I simple can't resist hooking up my own UBT machine to this entire wayward blog entry. I'll share the results later.


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Cheaters are wonderful at rationalizing aren't they? ever read a cheater who then becomes a victim of infidelity - they are not so eager to rationalize cheating at that point....



That's some chumpcheater truth there.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Quality said:


> You mean like Chumplady?
> 
> Didn't she admit to committing adultery on her first husband?
> 
> ...





> Once I saw that lawyer, drew up papers, and had that It’s Over speech, I never went back. I told him his personal life was his life, and mine was mine. Then I took a trip to London, wrote my family letters informing them of the divorce, and I had a fling with an old friend. And it felt great. Sex aside, I had forgotten what it felt like to have someone hold my hand or be kind.


The way I read that was that she had sex with someone *after* her divorce.

And that's adultery, is it?:scratchhead:

Oh, wait! No! That's :bsflag:


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> The way I read that was that she had sex with someone *after* her divorce.
> 
> And that's adultery, is it?:scratchhead:
> 
> Oh, wait! No! That's :bsflag:


Agreed.....Once the other party is dumped and divorce is underway they owe their Ws nothing - no fidelity, no communication outside of business, nothing...


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Agreed.....Once the other party is dumped and divorce is underway they owe their Ws nothing - no fidelity, no communication outside of business, nothing...



Sad ~ though instructional to see how easy it is for a cheater to hoodwink even some of the most infidelity aware persons on the planet. I realize you are reading what you want hear, but chumplady is deliberately trying to deceive you and pen herself into the camp of 'not so bad' adulterers that only 'quasi-cheat' when all that remains of the divorce process is a few signatures on paper or with betrayed spouses that start dating others after the divorce has been filed and their wayward spouse is moved out living blissfully with their affair partner. 

This is why it's smart for betrayed spouses to snoop and acquire as much hard evidence as they can because after the divorce you can be certain the wayward's script will change to a gaslighting one where you, the betrayed spouse, become the perpetrator of everything evil who caused the divorce and deserved it.

Notice she said "once I saw that lawyer, drew up the papers and had that "It's over speech" that she went to the lawyer by herself, drew up some papers {that were not yet filed - there was no divorce proceeding yet and there wasn't for a long time after that} and THEN had a talk {wayward speak for blindsided with an ILUBNILWY speech} with her 1st husband supposedly informing him she was gonna leave him, implying she maybe handed him some separation or divorce paperwork & that she would move out eventually taking their kids {but take care of them for now you 'crazy and mentally unstable ex-husband' while I go to Europe to have a 'fling'} and implying they agreed they could each go have sex with whomever they wanted {which is code for he didn't agree with the proclamation or she'd have told us that and that her sex was already lined up}. 

She was STILL married. No divorce was filed. I'm pretty assured they were not even separated yet and her first husband never cheated on her {or, I can promise you, she'd have used that additional rationalization to back up her cheater story}. It was adultery.

I can see that dissonance will really loop some people in knots over this as it's kind of repugnant to take in that the queen of chumps is really just a madhater cheater herself. Can you all really not see how consistent her over the top umbrage is with your own protestations on this thread about how angry madhater's become when THEY, as so often is the case, get cheated upon themselves? 

I wish her 1st husband could come by to explicate but until then I've really got to UBT this whole story for you guys.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

^^^LOL. How do you tell people to research when this explains the situation and was posted BEFORE 10/26/2012.
A Reluctant Cheerleader for Divorce - ChumpLady.com



> The same Commonwealth that would’ve granted me many support privileges for divorcing him also made it extremely difficult for me to leave him. I had to wait ONE YEAR AND ONE DAY of physical separation before I could even FILE.


Call it what you want, but I'm not demanding ANYONE stay sexless, unhappy or in danger because the government wants to dictate how long they must remain legally married with a separation clause to file.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

Truthseeker1 said:


> She's a selfish dishonest woman...who deserves to have her a** booted to the curb...


We are ALL extremely selfish.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> ^^^LOL. How do you tell people to research when this explains the situation and was posted BEFORE 10/26/2012.
> A Reluctant Cheerleader for Divorce - ChumpLady.com
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Apexmale said:


> We are ALL extremely selfish.


Of course you are, it's why you see it in "ALL" others. LOL.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Of course you are, it's why you see it in "ALL" others. LOL.


I don't see it in "All" others... but I know selfishness is there. It is an immensely strong human trait and dictates a lot of the decisions we make. It's unavoidable.

I take very little interest in the lives of others, I try minding my own business but even that decision in itself is also being "selfish".


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Apexmale said:


> We are ALL extremely selfish.


True....we are all selfish.

But it takes a SPECIAL kind of lowness to stab those closest to you, bound by vows and love (and not to mention your kids and even extended families, who will traumatized by the fallout as well), in the back.

Despite the nonsense that so many WS (and even a few BS) spout that 'anyone' can cheat....that is just plain bullsh*t.

Many, if not most, people will NOT turn into a f*cking traitor to their partners or those closest to them.....no matter what the temptation or circumstances.

Saying 'anyone could betray their spouse, if the circumstances are right', is like saying 'anyone could betray their country, if the situation was right'......after all, the 'crimes' are of the same NATURE, just different in scale (individual betrayal v betrayal of the group).

And from my time in the military, I KNOW that that last statement is simply false.....most of the men and women I served with would gladly die before EVER betraying their sworn oaths to their country.

I am CERTAIN that many loyal spouses are the same with their M's.....they would simply NEVER break their sworn vows like that and betray their partners or their families.

'Anyone can cheat' is just specious nonsense, said to make the traitors believe they are not fundamentally worse than those who are loyal.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

Dyokemm said:


> True....we are all selfish.
> 
> But it takes a SPECIAL kind of lowness to stab those closest to you, bound by vows and love (and not to mention your kids and even extended families, who will traumatized by the fallout as well), in the back.


In this situation, the betrayed spouse isn't the closest person to them. 





Dyokemm said:


> Despite the nonsense that so many WS (and even a few BS) spout that 'anyone' can cheat....that is just plain bullsh*t.
> 
> Many, if not most, people will NOT turn into a f*cking traitor to their partners or those closest to them.....no matter what the temptation or circumstances.
> 
> ...



We all like to believe we are more loyal than cheaters.

We all like to believe we are more loyal than traitors. 

We all like to believe we would never break our sworn vows as would defectors.


But these are all things that prove we are just as selfish. And because we are all selfish, it does'nt take a special kind of low to break any of those things. All it takes is to be human.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Apexmale said:


> In this situation, the betrayed spouse isn't the closest person to them.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well....we will have to agree to disagree friend.

I simply do not see most people as 'situationally' loyal.....to their spouse.....to their sworn word.....to their unit and friends.

Known people who have given their last full measure out of loyalty to something beyond their selfish selves.

On the other hand, I have known other people I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw them unless their word/story could be independently verified.

And the difference between the two?

Hard to explain the why of it.....but there seem to be some people that are simply missing that part of a conscious that makes betraying those they have made vows to or are close to emotionally an impossibility.

But to others, loyalty comes as naturally as breathing.....I've seen it......served with many of them as an officer in the Navy.

As far as infidelity goes, I saw guys who had every opportunity to cheat on their wives with women, who never would have been discovered, who simply would never go there.

Saw plenty of the other type too.

Like I said......I can't explain WHY some people are loyal and others are traitors.

I just know there ARE people who don't and won't betray.....despite what anyone else says or believes.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> Well....we will have to agree to disagree friend.
> 
> I simply do not see most people as 'situationally' loyal.....to their spouse.....to their sworn word.....to their unit and friends.
> 
> ...


QFT...we all have selfish traits but some cross lines that others will not....some people are MORE selfish, deceitful and heartless than others....no person is perfect but some folks are just scum...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Call it what you want, but I'm not demanding ANYONE stay sexless, unhappy or in danger because the government wants to dictate how long they must remain legally married with a separation clause to file.


As far as I'm concerned once the BS tells the WS to hit the bricks they owe them sh!t..I'll even go further once the WS decides to fvck someone else the BS owes them nothing...the BS needs to do what they need to do to heal...period...


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

Dyokemm said:


> .
> 
> Like I said......I can't explain WHY some people are loyal and others are traitors.
> 
> I just know there ARE people who don't and won't betray.....despite what anyone else says or believes.



There are plenty of loyal individuals. They do not want the guilt nor the consequences that come with disloyalty so they decide against it... and that is a selfish trait. A good one nonetheless.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Quality said:


> This is why it's smart for betrayed spouses to snoop and acquire as much hard evidence as they can because after the divorce you can be certain the wayward's script will change to a gaslighting one where you, the betrayed spouse, become the perpetrator of everything evil who caused the divorce and deserved it.
> 
> Notice she said "once I saw that lawyer, drew up the papers and had that "It's over speech" that she went to the lawyer by herself, drew up some papers {that were not yet filed - there was no divorce proceeding yet and there wasn't for a long time after that} and THEN had a talk {wayward speak for blindsided with an ILUBNILWY speech} with her 1st husband supposedly informing him she was gonna leave him, implying she maybe handed him some separation or divorce paperwork & that she would move out eventually taking their kids {but take care of them for now you 'crazy and mentally unstable ex-husband' while I go to Europe to have a 'fling'} and implying they agreed they could each go have sex with whomever they wanted {which is code for he didn't agree with the proclamation or she'd have told us that and that her sex was already lined up}.
> 
> She was STILL married. No divorce was filed. I'm pretty assured they were not even separated yet and her first husband never cheated on her {or, I can promise you, she'd have used that additional rationalization to back up her cheater story}. It was adultery.


You make a persuasive argument, I'll have to admit. I always advocate waiting until the divorce is FINAL before you start dating again because of this kind of "messiness".


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> I always advocate waiting until the divorce is FINAL before you start dating again because of this kind of "messiness".


I have to disagree...if a BS tells the WS they are done and they know they are divorcing then all bets are off...its not the same at all..the WS is owed nothing at that point...not a damned thing


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I have to disagree...if a BS tells the WS they are done and they know they are divorcing then all bets are off...its not the same at all..the WS is owed nothing at that point...not a damned thing


But Tracy's first husband WAS NOT a wayward husband at all {or she would have told us}. He was just {supposedly} a {undiagnosed} mentally ill horder sex withholding jerk. 

Are {suppposedly} {undiagnosed} mentally ill horder sex withholding jerks whom one has vowed fidelity and lifelong commitment to, in sickness and in health, "owed nothing" too?

Do they deserve to be handed legal separation papers and be told to watch their kid while their wife flies off to London to have a "fling" with their "friend" {OM ~ sure he was just a friend}?

If he was REALLY so mentally ill, you'd think Tracy would be scared or nervous for herself and her child to risk taking off to have a "fling" under such circumstances. I quite possible the "mentally ill" labeling finger should be pointed back at the cheating spouse who is obviously trying to gaslight their betrayed husband and justify their behavior.

Lots of wayward wives proclaim they didn't cheat until they were completely done and the marriage was over. Why is it that this "over" event just seems to always conveniently intersect with the arrival of a "friend"?

@BetrayedDad is right. Her "fling" makes her story "messy" and as a minister's daughter, she should have known better {which is probably why she had to write {precisely justifying} letters to her family from London {while on her cheating escapade} announcing her divorce instead of just calling them up and facing tough questions}.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> I have to disagree...if a BS tells the WS they are done and they know they are divorcing then all bets are off...its not the same at all..the WS is owed nothing at that point...not a damned thing


There isn't an easy answer as to when to date. I personally think too many jump right in too quickly. In my mess I was initially going to wait until my divorce was final, I also never dreamed the divorce would take 3 years to get final so I did go on a couple eventually. 

I don't look at it as owing the WS spouse anything but a BS taking care of themselves, properly grieving and getting the "old" married life sorted out and put away. The messy factor also comes into play especially what you have a drama filled divorce.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

honcho said:


> There isn't an easy answer as to when to date. I personally think too many jump right in too quickly. In my mess I was initially going to wait until my divorce was final, I also never dreamed the divorce would take 3 years to get final so I did go on a couple eventually.
> 
> I don't look at it as owing the WS spouse anything but a BS taking care of themselves, properly grieving and getting the "old" married life sorted out and put away. The messy factor also comes into play especially what you have a drama filled divorce.


Agreed there...I just dont think it is cheating in the same way the initial affair was. But I would hope a Bs would get some IC and fix their picker before jumping into the dating pool again unless they are just looking for sex...


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