# Hi all I am new and need help/advice



## catsy101 (Aug 3, 2010)

My husband and I have three sons together. They are 8, almost 5, and almost 4. I still want to have a little girl of our own. I have thought about someday adopting but I can't shake the idea of having our own. My husband doesn't want any more children, he says he is happy with our boys and done. He wants to get fixed... I can't stand the thought of that. His father got fixed after having five children and lost his entire sexual drive. Well I have told him I am worried about that and he says 1. He isn't his dad, and 2. His mom practically made his dad so his dad was resentful. He says, I won't have you to blame because I want to do this. Well that isn't my real problem with this, it is my excuse. My real reasons are that 1. This is way too final and I want a little girl someday and maybe someday he will want another one as well. 2. No offense to anyone who has had this done but I don't want to be married to someone who is neutered, and I just KNOW my sexual drive is going to be non-existent when it comes to him if he does this. 

I had a dream about him doing this just last night, and one week after he wants sex and I say no, I don't feel well. The dream jumped to two weeks, and I am still saying no. Two months and he is looking to file for divorce and we haven't done anything. Maybe it's just me but it makes me feel like he isn't even a male anymore. I can see this whole thing turning into a divorce or something. 

And I want more kids and it makes me feel like he isn't even considering what I want. He said we can adopt. I said I want our own. He said, I can get it reversed if we both feel that way. I reminded him that my father and step-mom have tried to get my dad's reversed without any luck at all. She has finally decided the two of them will not have kids of their own. Ouch! He says now a day this is easier to reverse. I tell him I am on good birth control, the mirena 5 yr. He says those sometimes fail. I am just so frustrated. If he does this, it will break up our marriage. I just know it. And he won't get any sympathy from me while he is icing his area because it hurts so much for a week. He'll be like can you get me a glass of water? And I will be like, I didn't want you to do this in the first place, so NO. Get your own damned glass of water. If he asks for the remote, I would probably be ticked enough to toss it at his crotch. I'm just... I just don't want him to do this.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

So it's pretty clear that you want more kids and you feel that he isn't considering your wants. 

Are you considering his?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I have multiple contacts with women that lose all sexual interest in their husband after they have a vasectomy. Including those that actively wanted him to get it done. It really is a marriage ender for some people.


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