# Im losing it, cant stop crying



## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

I need help!!

I have completely lost it.

My husband and I have been seperated for a week. We talk and have seen each other twice since he left. Today he had counseling and we agreed to go out for breakfast after.

He came home to get me (or so I thought) sat down and said "This isnt going to be good, I don't want to be married anymore". I lost it, he is supposed to be working on getting through "some issues" that he has, thats why we separated.

I freaked out, called him every name in the book, yelled and screamed, through my rings at him, told him to get the f--k out etc ... 

He went into the bedroom and started packing his stuff. He told me he loved me, said that he needs to be alone, wants to be alone, he's not good for me, he can't give me what I need etc... I cried and cried and cried .. I started hyperventilating, he calmed me down and sat down next to me. 

I started talking about how he is in a "fog" and not thinking clearly, he started meds for Bi-Polar yesterday. He also has anxiety disorder and depression. He yelled at me and said "it has nothing to do with effing meds, this is what I want, I need, I have never been alone, I want this for me"

I did the normal, I got mad, I cried more, i brokedown completely. I walked outside and called my mom while he packed the rest of his stuff. He loaded up the car and came to me, said he was sorry, said he knows he is giving up the best thing he has ever had.

He went inside to get more things. On my way in (crying) he stopped me, put his arms around me and held me while I cried. He had tears falling from his eyes. I asked how he could do this. I have loved him, I have supported decisions he's made, I have made him feel like he never has before. He said he knew and that he loved me. He then said he was going to go, he needed to be alone and think and that he would call me later. I hugged him again and then we kissed. I told him I didn't want this to be over, he told me he loved me (still teary eyed) and said goodbye. On his way he said he would call me later.

I am so confused.. what the hell is going on? I swear it was a biploar moment, or bpd. I feel like were together but were not. Im falling apart, I feel weak like I can't continue. I feel like my life has been ripped out from under me and I am suffocating.

This man has had it good. I have gone above and beyond to bring happiness into his life. Everyone has there issues. 

My mom says he needs to hit rock bottom so he can see what he is going to lose. I thought he was already there. I don't know what to do. Do I answer his calls or texts? Do I ignore and let him wonder what I'm feeling or doing. I am desperate for help. I don't know alot of people and all my family is up north, I have noone here. Neither does he.


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

i have ignored his texts from last night.

He just started meds for bipolar 2 days ago. 

He can't make any decisions for future, not even the next day.How can he make a decision that is going to effect the rest of his life? 

Im a mess, part of me wants him to come home now. Im lost, Im hurt and I have no answers. 

This hurts so much, I can't see any "bright" side to this, Im falling apart.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

don't really know if anything anyone could say that would make things better...keep writing your feelings down, keep seeking help...I've been there...felt so empty, nothing made anything better...

but it will get better...because we have to believe in something and I choose to believe in that...


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

I just need someone to talk to. 

Someone who is going through this or has been through it.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

keep talking here...I'm going through something similar but nothing as desparate...I think we will be getting back together...

she keeps talking about forgiving me...I haven't even tried to tell her that she left, she needs to ask me for forgiveness too...

you seem to be so passionate about your relationship, turn that passion back into yourself...spoil yourself...


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Hang in there! You are in for a Roller-Coaster ride of emotions.
What are his reasons for wanting to give up?


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

maybe his meds will help----
I'm glad you have your Mom as a resource too.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Roller coaster ride from hell... I have been on it for 3 months... I htink my H is depressed too but he wont admit it.... he doesn't even want to work on it, he moved out, got his own place and we are finally signing papers on Monday....

Its hard to comprehend how or why .......it doesnt and wont make sense now... still doesnt to me, i cried everyday for 2 months... now the crying subsided a bit more but its rough...you gotta be strong, keep your head up and think of yourself. ANy and all advise people will give you just doesnt feel right....and you can't see it. You have to trust in life, in destiny and what fate will have in store for you down the road....don't fight it...which ever way it will go.


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

Shelly  Thank you for that.

It is so hard for people to understand what it is like.

I've never been so confused before in my life. 

He posted this on my facebook ..

IM SORRY LOVE, BUT WHAT I AM DEALING WITH IS PAIN AS WELL... NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND/KNOW WHAT I WRESTLE WITH. SEPARATING TRUE LOVE FROM MENTAL/EMOTIONAL STABILITY..

Do you relate to this? The I love you, I want to be alone?


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

kgregory1011 said:


> Shelly  Thank you for that.
> 
> It is so hard for people to understand what it is like.
> 
> ...


Sounds like a martyr....I love you, but I don't want you to suffer with me....

I'm not sure if I like this kind of martyrdom and I don't even know if it's real....or just make him seem less of an a*****e ......

You know him better than any of us....do you believe it's a sincere "I love you".....

If you feel it's really just him trying to keep you from having to deal with his misery than maybe you can tell him "I love you with all my heart and when I married you I vowed through thick and thin, in sickness and in health....and I meant every word of it !!! If you let me, I will help you through this.....Together we can do this...." or something like this....

I hope he comes to his senses *****hugs***** !!!!!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I got the whole "i am blaming you for everything" the first two weeks, even though he couldn't tell me what those things were.... then i got the I love you and care for you but I just dont want to be married anymore....its just a feeling.

Can't even begin to figure out how to get closure from this....


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