# Desire to show her off sexually



## bogieman (Oct 18, 2011)

I have a gorgeous wife but can't stop a desire to show her off sexually. Its beginning to eat me up. Yes of course we have talked about it but she just isn't interested.
Ok so I took some pics of her deliberately covered her face with her hair and i did send them to a few guys. What a turn on! But the guilt got to me.I knew it was wrong, a betrayal of trust confessed took the verbal beating and stopped. But the desire didn't go away.
I go on chat rooms making out I am her (different name can't be traced) and say I have a fantasy about doing a strip show or being a model or even ion porn. I really wish it was her but its me reflecting my fantasy and its a real turn on talking about it as if it were her. Recently I was chatting to an owner of a strip joint not too far from here (but far enough to not be known) and almost believed she would actually do it, even knowing it was me talking. Sent over a pic in swim wear that the owner showed a few customers and they all said she would be great. Face blurred of course.
I did once mange to get her to go on a chat room and take her top off, but she suddenly stopped kind of freaked out and went all weird.
I have begged her to do it again or allow me to take some pics that she could vet first to send to strangers she can choose, but I get the big zero.
I even told her about a fantasy where I took her to a strip club and she decided after a few drinks to have a go.
Far from humouring me she gets angry says she doesn't want any third party involved in us and that she is mine alone.I tell he that i don't want her having sex I just want to show her off but she says there's no difference. Getting topless is as good as having sex.
I know I should respect her view but then think why won't she mine? She says I have proved I can't be trusted so get nothing. Yet I know loads of guys who do far wore but because they have never confessed just go right on doing it.
The problem is it won't go away. It eats at me inside takes up hours of time that i could spend doing better things including talking to her. Except she is doing a uni course (as well as working full time) so when i do try to talk to her I get told to go away because shes studying. At bed time she is usually genuinley tired. In the day she is so busy doinbg this and that dealing with kids etc that I often feel last on the list of things to do and she has even said that I often feel like just another chore. When we do find time together it is so good and we both agree that it is. We do love each other of that there is no doubt but getting her to have sex at all is an uphill struggle except at the weekend when she is less tired. Even then its second to the uni course. Yet still the fantasies are eating me up. I really want her to have ago at thse things but she just gets angry if I even try to atlk about them.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Maybe you should try and respect her boundaries. She obviously does not want to be an exhibitionist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

You have to respect her boundaries. It's really just that simple. If she's not interested, she's not interested. No amount of begging, pleading, or pestering will change that.

You ask why she can't respect your wishes in this when you respect hers. The thing of it is, in a situation like this, the party with the lower threshold is the one who gets to make the call, because that's the person being asked to step outside their boundaries.

Maybe someday she'll change her mind. Maybe not. Don't count on it changing. Until that time, she knows what you'd like to do, and if it does change, she'll let you know. Let it go. As it stands, it sounds like the more she denies your request, the more you want her to do it, to the point it's necking an obsession. Instead, focus your energies on making your experiences together as pleasurable for BOTH of you as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Try talking to a therapist to work through why you are getting obsessed with this. If will be cheaper and easier talking to the therapist than getting a divorce,and that's is what will happen if you keep at this. It will fill your wife with resentment and disrespect for you until she leaves you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Grayson said:


> You have to respect her boundaries. It's really just that simple. If she's not interested, she's not interested. No amount of begging, pleading, or pestering will change that.
> 
> You ask why she can't respect your wishes in this when you respect hers. The thing of it is, in a situation like this, the party with the lower threshold is the one who gets to make the call, because that's the person being asked to step outside their boundaries.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I certainly agree that you must respect boundaries but the idea of 'lowest common denominator' sex is not very exciting either. Many boundaries are soft boundaries (crossing them makes you feel out of your comfort zone but are still not distressing). I think you might have lost any chance of crossing this boundary even if it a soft boundary with your devious sharing of her pics without permission. Your requests for this remind her of your transgression.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

bogieman said:


> I know I should respect her view but then think why won't she mine? She says I have proved I can't be trusted so get nothing.


There is a HUGE difference in case you haven't noticed. Your "view" is to use her - as an object - for your own selfish purposes. There is no love in what you are proposing to her...just something that will tickle your woody.

Her view is to maintain her dignity, and her privacy, and to keep her sexual relations confined to someone she loves...you.

Big difference and the fact that you don't see that, or can even come up with what I quoted above is a big red flag as to your marriage. She is your wife and partner, not a play object for you to share with whoever you choose.

You have violated her trust. My advice, and I mean this seriously, is to seek counseling to try and overcome what is becoming an obsession. If you don't you will, and I mean WILL ruin your marriage.

The rest of your post, about how there is no time for poor little ole you is equally frightening. Those conditions are called "life". Look what she is doing...going to school, working, dealing with kids. She's taking on a lot. That time can still be carved out for sex is a great thing, but to try and use (waste) that time on some fantasy of yours that objectifies her is the epitome of selfishness.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

couple said:


> I certainly agree that you must respect boundaries but the idea of 'lowest common denominator' sex is not very exciting either. Many boundaries are soft boundaries (crossing them makes you feel out of your comfort zone but are still not distressing). .


 I think we're pretty much on the same page here. The person with tue lower boundaries may choose to push beyond those boundaries, but if they don't, the other partner should respect that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I loved showing the missus off in the past, and even doing in her in front of others. It's a huge turn on. Hell, even doing a nude photo shoot with her was a huge turn on, especially with her posing - I even had to take care of myself otherwise I would have been doing the whole thing with a full on stiffie. Unfortunately since marriage she has put on the "good girl" shoes.

But she's very clear that she's not going to do it no more, just as I'm not going to let her shove a strap-on up my a$$. You have to respect that mate.


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## bogieman (Oct 18, 2011)

Yes I do have the message which is kind of why I came here. Partly a last ditch is there any way? but knowing actually I am a bad boy and it has to stop. I am not so foolish as to talk to her about it too often, but it does sit in my head. I have even said look Ok that's my fantasy and it don't work for you. Fine. So what is yours, we could work on that. To be told she has no fantasies and that she is very happy with me as I am her fantasy. Very nice(and I mean that) but it don't spice it up for me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would beat your ass if you were my husband and you sent pics of me to other people, regardless if my face was there or not. 

How sick.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A woman I know cheated repeatedly on hub then divorced him. She's a borderline anorexic. He's with a very luscious curvy lady now (huge rack!) well the woman I know is so mad she's crazed. I mean ID TV sneak into the house with a nail gun crazy. So I guess you could say he's showing her off sexually. But only in a way that she exists at all and she's dramatically different from the formers Mrs.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

@bogieman: You know that showing her off will only lead to sharing her next. Since she's not interested in showing, I'd bet my life that she's no interested in being shared either.

She's yours alone. Keep it that way. But you can still have fun. Go find a safe place outdoors to have sex together. The risk of being caught is fun for many. 

Find other ways to show her off to yourself. Go to a nude beach and you'll discover that the others there don't have their mind on sex. You'll see her body for what it is, nature's artwork. And not just a sex toy.


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## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

Is there some level of compromise you both could live with? What if you two role play showing her off without really doing it? Something like a webcam that only you can see so she is comfortable with it but you can still watch from another room so it's as if she is putting on a show for the whole world.


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## bogieman (Oct 18, 2011)

I have suggested a nude beach and it is NO. I have suggested a webcam in another room and its NO. I really do think this is the end of the road for that fantasy and its good for the marriage and thats really what i want. I want to stop it....to make it go away; I am fed up of it eating me up. It is an obsession. There are times I think its gone but it returns. I have even shown myself on cam to gays so I know how she would feel and can say 'I have done it so why can't you'. I roleplay being a woman .....in my head I am her. I can put it aside but it rises up again. I would dearly love to replace it with another fantasy and really am trying to do so but anything I suggest other than straightforward normal stuff is NO. She also won't roleplay in any way;she says its me and her as we are and that's it. That is good enough. ....And I tell you what when it happens it is, but while other things get in the way alll the time I just get frustrated to hell while she does her uni course and then falls asleep. So my head starts making up all this crap.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Next step, sex therapy for both of you. Looks like you pushed her so much that even normal sex is a mental chore for her.

If you know what she wants during sex, stay with that for a long period of time. Then ask her what else she would like to do. Let her drive the experimenting if there is any to be done.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I would beat your ass if you were my husband and you sent pics of me to other people, regardless if my face was there or not.
> 
> How sick.


Beat his ass? No, that kind of behaviour warrants a shank.


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## bogieman (Oct 18, 2011)

Girls I have had my ass beaten and I am currently beating myself. I'm looking for solutions not more beating thanks


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I don't think that you are looking for solutions. You want to be told how to get your wife into your fantasies. She is understandably not into them, so you violated her privacy.

Gee, I wonder why she doesn't want sex?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

You are treading dangerous water here. Emailing naked pics without her consent is illegal in many states. Why? Because any person you sent them to could post them online. If you uploaded them yourself to a site without her consent....its a felony in 26 states whether or not her face is visible. 
Also, you know why you are doing this and it isn't because of love for her. If you loved her, you wouldn't keep pushing her boundaries and forcing her. You are doing this because you want accolades from other men as to how "hot" she is. You need that because you are so insecure with yourself that you have to prove you are worthy to men as in a "See what I got" mentality and using her has some sort of trophy. 
Guess what? Keep doing this and "What you got" will either have you convicted or leave you for a man who cares enough about her to just be happy that she wants to share her body only with him. 
The choice is up to you.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I have the feeling that you want proof of your heterosexual prowess because you are hiding something other than that.

Your interest is not love for your wife and she is hearing you loud and clear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bogieman (Oct 18, 2011)

You might not think so but this converstaion is helping me thanks. Yes I agree its to do with my insecurity and only recently i realised that she IS a trophy of sorts and have told her so. She has such a poor self image (too fat etc) which is far from the truth, I do genuinely adore her which is why I am here becuase I know it hurts her and I don't want to do that. Yes its me; I feel insecure need to show her off and also need a lot of attention. I can see that. I really would like to push our sexual boundaries somehow though becuase for me it is getting stale. It seems very one way. I do things to her while she lays there. And this is becuase she really enjoys that, not becuase shes laying back and not really there. It has always been like that a great reciever and poor giver so its nothing new. She has always found any penis a bit on th disgusting side, so that really doesn't help. But she is very happy with that and has told me so.

For what its worth I did some research on guys showing off pics of wives. It is very common indeed. In fact some research said that most guys did it in some way. Most of them never tell anybody. Its basiclally nice guys like me who feel guilty about doing it that confess and then all that happens is we get women giving us a hard time. Makes me want to go back underghround.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

For me whenever guys find my wife hot/sexy I find her 10x hotter/sexier then she already is. It also makes me want to claim her... hard. Same reason why guys like to show off hot cars too, sometimes it still enters my mind about getting her to show off her goods in front of others and for them to see her natural beauty, sometimes my mind even goes beyond that - in which she replied to me "I'm not some wh-re that you pass around to your mates!"

I don't see anything wrong with your desire mate, but it does indeed cross the line with you showing her off without her consent. Fantasies are fantasies, the way I see it - if I don't want her to rape me up my butthole, then I'd better not ask her to forfill my own fantasies lol

Besides she does indulge me from time to time, like with her stories, or with teasing me with real dirty talk. She has even offered exhibitionism again a few times to try to manipulate me into getting her way, which she has failed, but darn it's difficult every time.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

bogieman said:


> You might not think so but this converstaion is helping me thanks. Yes I agree its to do with my insecurity and only recently i realised that she IS a trophy of sorts and have told her so. She has such a poor self image (too fat etc) which is far from the truth, I do genuinely adore her which is why I am here becuase I know it hurts her and I don't want to do that. Yes its me; I feel insecure need to show her off and also need a lot of attention. I can see that.* I really would like to push our sexual boundaries somehow though becuase for me it is getting stale. It seems very one way*. I do things to her while she lays there. And this is becuase she really enjoys that, not becuase shes laying back and not really there. It has always been like that a great reciever and poor giver so its nothing new. She has always found any penis a bit on th disgusting side, so that really doesn't help. But she is very happy with that and has told me so.
> 
> For what its worth I did some research on guys showing off pics of wives. It is very common indeed. In fact some research said that most guys did it in some way. Most of them never tell anybody. Its basiclally nice guys like me who feel guilty about doing it that confess and then all that happens is we get women giving us a hard time. Makes me want to go back underghround.


I think that the way to ensure she will never be willing to push her sexual boundaries with you is by creating an environment where she can't feel comfortable, one where she doesn't feel loved or respected, one where she can't trust you.

If you look in to your own actions, you may begin to see some of the reasons why she is not willing to push those boundaries with you. YOU need to create an environment that is completely safe, trusting, and respectful for her, but you are not currently doing that.

It truly is your choice on how you act.

If you have a problem with obsessing over things, whether in this specific desire, or in your life in general, I think you should consider some individual counseling so that you can learn how to get a better handle on those thoughts and emotions.

Best wishes.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

bogieman said:


> For what its worth I did some research on guys showing off pics of wives. It is very common indeed. In fact some research said that most guys did it in some way. Most of them never tell anybody. Its basiclally nice guys like me who feel guilty about doing it that confess and then all that happens is we get women giving us a hard time. Makes me want to go back underghround.


Yes, it's common among those who don't respect their wives and need validation from other men as to what they "have" and they sure aren't "nice guys" in the literal sense of the word. They are insecure, selfish, pushy attention seekers who use women or as you said cars to get their ego stroked by other guys. 
This is your problem, not your wife's. Yes, every man wants a wife who is pretty/hot. That's normal. I don't know a single guy who doesn't. What isn't normal is taking that sacred trust of "my body is for you only" and showing it to other men for their approval. At that point, you no longer care about her feelings are and breaking her trust. 
I find it interesting that you said she just "lays there". One would assume that with a hot wife and a hot body, she wouldn't and it appears that is the myth you perpetuate with these other guys. Showing her naked body off to men and getting them to think "Look what I get in bed" but the reality is far from it. It seems you NEED the validation from others as to your sexual prowness. Why is that? 
I have no idea why she just lays there but I suspect that she feels like nothing more than a piece of meat being used by you so she has little motivation to put any effort in to a healthy sexual relationship with you. Change the dynamic. 
You want spice in the bedroom? Spice isn't sending out naked pictures of her without her consent. Spice is deepening the bond between the two of you so she feels secure and comfortable being with you in the bedroom. A woman will do practically anything sexually if she feels safe and secure and up to this point, you have done nothing but destroy that for her. 
I would also strongly suggest counseling for you. From the looks of things, you value approval from men over a healthy marriage. Again, why is that? :scratchhead:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Come on ladies I don't think he's THAT bad for his desires, though I admit (and he admits it too) that sending out pics without his wife's consent is a bit much, that's pretty much the same thing as the missus disrespecting me enough to tie me up and shove a dildo up my butthole.

Nonetheless I agree that once his wife feels comfortable with him the chances of her doing stuff for him increases.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

bogieman said:


> *For what its worth I did some research on guys showing off pics of wives. It is very common indeed.* In fact some research said that most guys did it in some way. Most of them never tell anybody. Its basiclally nice guys like me who feel guilty about doing it that confess and then all that happens is we get women giving us a hard time. Makes me want to go back underghround.


So is smoking, what's your point? Common does not equal good or right for a marriage.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's as natural as guys showing off their rides


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I would beat your ass if you were my husband and you sent pics of me to other people, regardless if my face was there or not.
> 
> How sick.


I am pretty sure people can go to jail for sending nude pics of somebody without their permission. Am I wrong here?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> It's as natural as guys showing off their rides


Except most women don't like to be equated to a piece of machinery, or a prized possesion. 

Isn't it a little odd that the OP is trying to loosen her boundaries regarding other men (displaying herself to them), but doesn't see the inherent risks? These are other men, by definition. Once the concept of sexual fulfillment outside the marriage gets cemented, and the fact that he wants her to go in that direction, what if one of them treated her like she wanted to be treated? Maybe he had more money, too. .


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

bogieman said:


> Yes I do have the message which is kind of why I came here. Partly a last ditch is there any way? but knowing actually I am a bad boy and it has to stop. I am not so foolish as to talk to her about it too often, but it does sit in my head. I have even said look Ok that's my fantasy and it don't work for you. Fine. So what is yours, we could work on that. To be told she has no fantasies and that she is very happy with me as I am her fantasy. Very nice(and I mean that) but it don't spice it up for me.


I hope you're a troll. I think you belong in jail. You don't even get that she absolutely should not have to respect your wishes if they pertain to HER body. I hope she gets up and runs REALLY far away from you because you absolutely don't deserve her or any other woman. Go pay $7k for an expensive blow up doll and show her off at the strip club, you don't actually have to have an ounce of humanity to do that.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Come on ladies I don't think he's THAT bad for his desires, though I admit (and he admits it too) that sending out pics without his wife's consent is a bit much, that's pretty much the same thing as the missus disrespecting me enough to tie me up and shove a dildo up my butthole.
> 
> Nonetheless I agree that once his wife feels comfortable with him the chances of her doing stuff for him increases.


Not the same thing at all. The same thing would be your wife deciding she has an obsession with gay men and posts your naked pics to a website pretending to be you and carrying on as if she is you because she just can't shake an obsession to have you get it up the butt from someone or something and can't resist showing your hot butt to other men to enjoy it.

I hope you see the difference.


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## leandra1963 (Oct 23, 2011)

From personal experience, I was married to someone just like you. He was constantly wanting me to get involved in these type of activities. I ended up losing all respect for him. I fell completely out of love with him. I felt like I was living with a stranger and that there was no way he could love me and desire for me to turn another man on. In my opinion if you still truly love this woman, stop your behavior and seek professional counselling or you will lose her. It didn't take me long to lose the love and respect for my former husband and it won't take her long either. Please for the sake of your children and your wife, seek help. Don't let your fantisies ruin your marriage. The thing your wife needs to feel the most is that you love her, you appreciate her and that you don't want to share her with anyone because you love her that much. She needs to feel that she is the apple of your eye, protected, not taken for granted. With all she's got going on, she needs your understanding and respect. She cannot feel that you respect her if you want other men to view her as a piece of trash. You're very fortunate to have this woman in your life. You could have a cheating spouse or just a lose women on your hands and that would be far worse. She's uncomfortable with these things because she is a decent person and realizes that marriage is between two people not many.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Trenton said:


> Not the same thing at all. The same thing would be your wife deciding she has an obsession with gay men and posts your naked pics to a website pretending to be you and carrying on as if she is you because she just can't shake an obsession to have you get it up the butt from someone or something and can't resist showing your hot butt to other men to enjoy it.
> 
> I hope you see the difference.


:rofl:
Oh that would be the day! Still, actually that would be better then getting scarred for life by my wife shoving wearing a strappie and raping me up my butt. I would be traumatised for life if she did that, and it scares the sh-t outta me that it's her fantasy!

Still, she has respected my boundaries in this and I have respected hers not to show her off no more, even if she didn't respect my boundaries in other ways.


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

You sound like a bit of a deviate to me. Might be time to get some intensive psychotherapy to assist you through this midlife crisis (if that is what it is). It will be a long, tough road but it is worth it! You will come out the other end as a much better (and less creepy) person.


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