# Wedding excitement??



## Loveimage (Oct 7, 2011)

Hi all,

Were you excited about your engagement and wedding? I'm finding I really can't get excited or enthusiastic about getting married in general! Other women seem so excited about it all. I don't even get excited about having kids. It upsets me because I keep wondering what the hell is wrong with me! I'm 33 and fiance is 39. We have been engaged for 7 months and haven't set a date yet.

Thanks


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

I was excited about our engagement and wedding but we had been together for 6 years by then. I knew him inside and out, we were very sure about our future together. I was never a girl who planned her whole wedding from the age of 12 so the wedding arranging was more stressful than exciting, but I had my moments of dancing around the house. Lol.

What is it that you're not excited about? The actual wedding, or your future with this man?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I was super excited!! With my husband.

I have been engaged before and felt like you...I called it off.

Maybe he's not the one.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Do you have anything in your life that really excites you?

Have you ever been an excitable person?

For some people, that is their general personality...I'm not an overly excitable person and have always been that way...but can definitely feel when things seem right for me. 

But... if it's this specific thing - this man, this marriage ... that doesn't excite you while other things in your life do and are fulfilling or this doesn't feel right to you ...then like that_girl said... you should consider whether he is the right one, or consider whether it's really the right time to be getting married.

Best wishes.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

My husband asked me to renew our vows several months ago. We are planning an event to include our friends and family who missed out the first time (we eloped). So much planning and organizing...and me in an elaborate white wedding dress...all the stuff I wanted to avoid when we eloped. But guess what? I am excited. I am proud and happy to stand in front of all the people I love and take him as my husband. I get butterflies in my stomach picking out the ceremony music and it took weeks to decide on the flowers and cake but what it it really boils down to is that no matter what I pick the day is going to be perfect because I love him so much. 
If you're not feeling this then maybe you need to look deep inside yourself and ask "Is this what I really want?"


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Why haven't you set a date yet? Maybe that is why you aren't excited - it doesn't feel real because you don't have a date for the wedding?


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Honestly, I hated planning our wedding and really wasn't excited about the wedding day at all. It had nothing to do with my husband or my commitment to him, I am just not into the whole big spectacle thing. I would have been just as happy to elope, but our families wanted the big white wedding and my parents paid for moat of it, so it was really their party and we went along with it to make them happy. I remember sincerely enjoying the ceremony - the meaningful part - and pretty much being relieved when the rest of the hoopla was over that day.

Only you know whether being unexcited means something for you. I knew I wouldnt be excited about the wedding before we got engaged because I never liked weddings before that. I just didn't get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

norajane said:


> Why haven't you set a date yet? Maybe that is why you aren't excited - it doesn't feel real because you don't have a date for the wedding?


Or maybe subconsciously they don't want to get married.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I was very enthusiastic to plan every minute detail of my wedding, to making 3 different kinds of favors, getting the phone book in front of me, calling lists of places for prices, details...ideas dancing in my head... making lists, going shopping... I was Psyched ! 

It was MY Big day.... a day I will look back on for a lifetime, a landmark, the beginning of our familys journey... knowing I will re-live standing at that alter...for the rest of our lives, and share that day with our children, and theirs. 

I didn't want to forget any living thing , or have any stress... We were together for 8 yrs.... I knew he was the love of my life... I probably wasn't even thinking of him much during those months .... all my focus shifted on "the day".... but when it came.... it all flowed magicly .....it was all about US.....even though we were surrounded by family & friends. 

I just read Enchantment's post.. ha ha , how true this is.... some of us are excitable & some are more laid back. My husband is like that, have to put a flame under his butt to get him revved up. It is a personality thing for some. I am the more excitable of the 2 of us , just the way I am geared. 

So it is either.... You are having 2nd thoughts about "the man" ...the commitment... is he right for you ?? 

Or something is going on in your life, you are stressed, maybe you don't want kids...you mentioned you have no excitement about this either.....does he ? 

What is holding you back? Dig deep .


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm wondering what you aren't excited about either. The man or the wedding?


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## Loveimage (Oct 7, 2011)

Thanks for all of your responses.

I wasn't interested in getting married or starting a family for a long time and neither was he. Then I guess I changed my mind. Some days I want this, other days I don't. I'm so sick of being unsure about marriage and kids. I get a sense that he's not really into the whole thing either. He doesn't want to spend the money and he has actually said in the past "let's just get it done". He tells me he wants nothing more than to marry me but my intuition and sometimes his actions tell me otherwise. I guess this would ruin anyone's excitement! I also feel marriage is a bit silly, as you're promising your life with someone but you never know what is going to happen!

For the last 3mths I haven't felt excited about much. I'm quite stressed at the moment with some properties that I have and don't feel like I have anything to look forward to. I just don't feel excited about the future because I am so unsure about everything and I don't feel capable of making decisions. I have never felt like this before! I have achieved a lot of the things I wanted to in life so maybe I just need to change directions.

Thanks


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Loveimage said:


> I get a sense that he's not really into the whole thing either. He doesn't want to spend the money and he has actually said in the past "let's just get it done".


 This would be like dumping a bucket of cold water on someone. You are right, the Heart is not into it. 

One thing I have learned in my long years is... never go into ANYTHING ...if you do not have a "peace" deep within your soul about it... that may come in time... and if it does... run with it, it is our conscience speaking for our future generally.. . but if it is NOT THERE...there is a true "unsettling" within you about all of this. At least ....for NOW. 

Doesn't mean that peace won't come someday... with him, and you & him will go on to be married.....but you will have that excitement that "this is the given time"...this is YOUR SEASON. 

My husband gave me an engagement ring, but I didn't have that peace to marry yet, so I held off, gave it back, dated another... went back to him... and that Peace flooded me... that he was the one -forever... I just knew it was "our time". 


Also once we put $$ down on a house ($1,000) I had no "peace"... I realized we couldn't buy this house... we lost $500 of it... but I felt on top of the world, like we dodged a bullet.... shortly after we got a house that--was indeed a "stepping stone" to the house of our dreams...we was able to buy 2 yrs later... Had we bought that 1st house, it would have screwed our chances of ever getting our Dream house - too much ## tied up in it. Thankfully I had that "unsettled" feeling stirring within. 





> I haven't felt excited about much. I'm quite stressed at the moment with some properties that I have and don't feel like I have anything to look forward to. I just don't feel excited about the future because I am so unsure about everything and I don't feel capable of making decisions. I have never felt like this before! I have achieved a lot of the things I wanted to in life so maybe I just need to change directions.


 SOunds like you have ALOT to juggle right now ...these things needing sorted out ... the Properties....sounds you should devote your time & attention to this stuff and put any Wedding plans ... on the back burner. 

Does your finace help you with some of these decisions ....does he compliment your life, standing beside you doing his best to help where he can, lift your spirits, to lighten the burden with all of this stress? Things like that can bring you closer together -even.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I was very excited, I had NEVER in my life thought that anyone would want to bother with me for the rest of their life, let alone buy me a ring, propose to me, and have that much love for me as a person. I never planned on getting married.

However, I had a few doubts or "cold feet" whatever you call it. I was scared, but we had such a deep unshakeable bond I thought, and I truely loved him.

As it turns out, my doubts and concerns turned into mountains sized problems after the wedding. The types of things I thought would never happen, happened. 

I figured, you only live once, and I could have never seen myself with anyone else. We were engaged a year, and together for almost 4yrs before we were married.

No one saw a divorce for my husband and I. Ourselves included. If you're having the types of feelings your having now, take time to figure out why you're having them, and what that means to you and to your relationship. There's no right way or right time for any of it (believe me, I tried my damnedest to do everything "the right way") But don't go into something as big as marriage with feelings like that. 

Listen to your intuition.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Loveimage said:


> Thanks for all of your responses.
> 
> I wasn't interested in getting married or starting a family for a long time and neither was he. Then I guess I changed my mind. Some days I want this, other days I don't. I'm so sick of being unsure about marriage and kids. I get a sense that he's not really into the whole thing either. He doesn't want to spend the money and he has actually said in the past "let's just get it done". He tells me he wants nothing more than to marry me but my intuition and sometimes his actions tell me otherwise. I guess this would ruin anyone's excitement! I also feel marriage is a bit silly, as you're promising your life with someone but you never know what is going to happen!
> 
> ...


Something tells me both of you are just not ready for it yet. A year or two from now, or even six months from now things might change but I'd say right now you should just focus on taking care of the stressful things you're dealing with. Maybe taking some of the pressure off setting dates and making plans will help. If you both really want to marry it will happen, postponing things a year won't change that.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Don't get married. If you're not both excited and committed now, there is no magical moment after saying your vows when they will come to mean something. This apathy will grow. You will not grow to love each other more or adjust to each other. Instead, you will come to resent each other and feel trapped. It sounds to me like you want to get married because you think it's the next logical step, like maybe you guys are just being complacent and staying together out of habit. If you're not excited now, you're not going to become excited while adjusting to married life. So, take your time....postpone. Don't do it until you're ready. Your uneasiness is your intuition telling you that even if it might be the right guy, it isn't the right time, yet.

I was excited (WH led me to believe that he was, too). I didn't have a doubt in the world (was, nervous and anxious as all people are when going on an adventure). I loved WH with all my heart, above all others, adored him. I found out later that WH told some ho he was chatting up two days before our wedding that he wished he could hire a body double to stand in for him at the wedding. Maybe he was joking because he was nervous about the idea of a huge wedding and just being funny eased that tension for him, but, a year later, just after our first anniversary, I found out about his inappropriate relationships with other women all through the marriage. My feelings of devotion carried me through the year and made me happy and leave me still wishing that what I thought we had would prevail, but I guess he had trouble "adjusting" to life without his secret girlfriends because he carried on with them through our whole marriage. He must have resented me quite a bit for being in the way of his opportunities because he treated me like I was a pest or a burden a great deal of the time, more often than I wanted to admit. If I had known he wasn't sure, I'd have suggested that we postpone our wedding until he figured out whether or not he wanted this. It sure as hell hurts a lot more to be separated and to have been betrayed and so on. Patience is a very good thing. Take Your Time.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

desert-rose said:


> Don't get married. If you're not both excited and committed now, there is no magical moment after saying your vows when they will come to mean something. This apathy will grow. You will not grow to love each other more or adjust to each other. Instead, you will come to resent each other and feel trapped. It sounds to me like you want to get married because you think it's the next logical step, like maybe you guys are just being complacent and staying together out of habit. If you're not excited now, you're not going to become excited while adjusting to married life. So, take your time....postpone. Don't do it until you're ready. Your uneasiness is your intuition telling you that even if it might be the right guy, it isn't the right time, yet.
> 
> I was excited. He led me to believe that he was, too. Didn't have a doubt in the world (was, nervous and anxious as all people are when going on an adventure). Loved WH with all my heart, above all others, adored him. I found out later that WH told some ho he was chatting up two days before our wedding that he wished he could hire a body double to stand in for him at the wedding. Maybe he was joking because he was nervous about the idea of a huge wedding and just being funny eased that tension for him, but, a year after our first anniversary, I found out about inappropriate relationships with other women all through the marriage. My feelings of devotion carried me through the year and made me happy and leave me still wishing that what I thought we had would prevail, but I guess he had trouble "adjusting" to life without his secret girlfriends because he carried on with them through our whole marriage. He must have resented me quite a bit for being in the way of his opportunities because he treated me like I was a pest or a burden a great deal of the time, more often than I wanted to admit. If I had known he wasn't sure, I'd have suggested that we postpone our wedding until he figured out whether or not he wanted this. It sure as hell hurts a lot more to be separated and to have been betrayed and so on. Patience is a very good thing. Take Your Time.


 Really good advice desert-rose, sorry about the crappy treatment and infidelity. Even though it's never easy it is definitely less devastating to handle that BEFORE the wedding vows.


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## Loveimage (Oct 7, 2011)

Really appreciate the advice everyone, thanks.

I can understand that peaceful feeling you're talking about Simply Amorous. I have a strong intuition most of the time and try to listen to it. But my intuition is confusing me. I can imagine us growing old together, him stroking my hair and comforting me when we have a baby but it feels weird, off and forced to imagine walking towards him and saying our vows at the wedding. I don't even want to wear my engagement ring anymore because I don't feel like we're engaged. I really wish that I felt right about this because he is great and fun in lots of ways and has supported me. It has always been an easy relationship until I brought up marriage and because he seemed to avoid the topic and brush me off we started fighting. This was 2 1/2 yrs ago. 

If I'm honest sometimes I think marriage is a load of .... but at the same time I feel we deserve to have our special day! I feel I have 2 people living inside me! To be honest, I have always felt I want to spend my life with him but not marry him. Maybe I've never been in love with him.

I agree with you desert-rose. It's less painful to sort out before getting married. I'm sorry you had to deal with that after your wedding. It must have been hurtful for you.

What do you do when you have conflicting feelings? The only thing I'm sure about is wanting to get away from everything and do my own thing. I can't think clearly.

Thanks again


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Loveimage said:


> What do you do when you have conflicting feelings? The only thing I'm sure about is wanting to get away from everything and do my own thing. I can't think clearly.


You don't have to break up with the guy, just take a break from each other, see if that changes your feelings one way or another. Maybe you love him, maybe you don't. It's a terrible idea to get married if you're unsure.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

What about just having a long engagement? You don't have to get married next year. Perhaps neither of you are into parties and being the centre of attention. 

I was not excited about our wedding, because I knew that we could only afford an elopement. It wasn't what neither of us wanted, but we loved each other so much that we figured we could have a celebration later, when we had more money. The day we married, all the sadness about the elopement slipped away and I was elated while I walked toward my husband. The honeymoon was wonderful.

We will be renewing our vows in front of family and friends on our fifth anniversary. Even though this is three years away, we are already very excited. We have the venue and attire picked out! :rofl: My husband would love to see me in my wedding dress again, but I think there is something tacky about a wife trying to play bride.


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## Loveimage (Oct 7, 2011)

Hi desert-rose, we live together so to have a break is a bit hard. I can move into my property in June when the tenants leave but my partner believes that it's over once you have a break. If I'm going to move out I need to be sure I'm doing the right thing because it will likely be over once I break off the engagement. A friend of mine broke off her engagement and my partner couldn't believe that her fiance stayed in touch with her and took her back after 9mths. He thought of it as humiliating.

Hi FirstYearDown, you're right we aren't into organising our own parties or being the centre of attention. I feel sick when I think of everyone looking at me as I walk down the aisle and say vows. I hated every minute of organising my 30th but I had a joint 30th and I tried to be enthusiastic for my friend. We did enjoy the night though!

Thanks again


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Loveimage said:


> Hi desert-rose, we live together so to have a break is a bit hard. I can move into my property in June when the tenants leave but my partner believes that it's over once you have a break. If I'm going to move out I need to be sure I'm doing the right thing because it will likely be over once I break off the engagement. A friend of mine broke off her engagement and my partner couldn't believe that her fiance stayed in touch with her and took her back after 9mths. He thought of it as humiliating.
> 
> Hi FirstYearDown, you're right we aren't into organising our own parties or being the centre of attention. I feel sick when I think of everyone looking at me as I walk down the aisle and say vows. I hated every minute of organising my 30th but I had a joint 30th and I tried to be enthusiastic for my friend. We did enjoy the night though!
> 
> Thanks again


 I don't know where you live but if it's the actual wedding and party that has you feeling off maybe you could do something less traditional like a casual beach wedding or a garden wedding. No one says you have to dress in white and walk down an aisle. Contemporary weddings can be whatever you want them to be.


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## Loveimage (Oct 7, 2011)

That's what I had planned - a wedding on the beach with a simple satin dress.

I think the problem is deep down I KNOW my partner isn't into getting married even though he will say it's important to him. I just don't think he's being honest. Whether he isn't really into marrying me or marriage in general I guess it doesn't really matter. Either way it makes me feel unsure. I feel that he isn't really PRESENT in the relationship or building/planning our life together. It's such an odd feeling though because he will say things about the future, is thoughtful and seems to do most of the right things but it kind of doesn't feel genuine!


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Weddings are stupid, expensive, stressful and a complete waste of money.

What's there to be excited about?


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## Loveimage (Oct 7, 2011)

It can be a waste of money but I think people regret it if they don't do it. I am very reasonable with the costs because most of the things on the day are a waste of money.


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