# I need HELP



## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

first a little backround, my wife and i have been married for just over 2 years, liveing together for almost 6, she has 2 kids from the previous marrage and i have never been married before she is 8 years older than me, and i lover with everthing i have. 
Last night i woke up very early in the morning ( this dosent happen offten) and found my salf trying to innate sex with my wife ( a bad idea she hasnt tried to start it with me in years) but i still try, i was obviously turned down, im not alwase turned down so i still work up the courage ever other week or so to try to be intamet with her ( it almost never happens if the kids are at our house anymore they have to be at there dads before she will even consider it, and even the it dosent alwase happen, but this moreing i was told to NEVER wake her up in the middle of the again for something like what i was trying to do. 
I am almost at the end of my rope im constantly depressed ( not working for 4 months) i take care of the kids clean the house ( not very well but i try) and make sure we have food and what ever money i can scrape together, i cant even take to her about it she ither trys to start a fight with me, or tells me to get over it, or any other # of things to get me to be quiet, and lately she has decided on the weekends we have the kids i stay at home with them while she goes out with her sister and cousen to the local bar, i realy have no idea what i did to cause this, and anytime i even start to act like im getting angry about any of it im TOLD that im not allowed to be angry, if anyone can give me any ideas i would be eternaly gratefull


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

It sounds like you are being emotionally abused and I'm sorry to hear you are being treated so poorly. 

You need to set some firm boundaries with her. She is not respecting your feelings, not taking care of you as a wife should. You sound as if you are trying very hard to make it work, but that can't be one sided. She is losing respect for you because she is bullying you and you are allowing it to happen. 

Standing up for yourself can be done in a kind, firm, loving way. You don't have to be mean or fight with her. Just make a statement and stick to that statement no matter what. For example, "I will no longer watch your children so that you can go party." If she tries to leave them with you, leave the house on your own. You are not a babysitter, you are her husband and if anything get the cousin to watch the kids so you two can go on a date!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

im gonna have to agree with the Big Bad Wolf on this one, i know what he would say and he is right


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

i would say that i will leave the kids at home with her but i know that my 11 year old step daughter would get suck watching her little brother who is almost 7 by her self while my wife went out. 
she has made our situation almost imposible for me to make a stand on anything except that if i threatend to leave her all together and even then im not so sure that would work some times it feels as if im more of a nany/ personal shoper than an partnerand i know all of her complaints as well i have almost stoped buying food becouse ive asked repetedly for her to join me in going shoping and her response was, you dont know us at all if you need me to go with you. this want not my reasoning at all but i geuss thats how it came out and other things like this, it comes off as she is alwase pushing me away


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

OkeyDokie, You are RIGHT ON with this one! I hope he's able to give his input here. Saggan, listen carefully to his words if he shows up here. They can be blunt, but make a lot of sense on many levels.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

An 11 year old has no business watching anyone or staying at home by themselves. Does their father know that is what would happen? 

Stop putting up with her manipulations. "I need you to do the shopping with me because it's OUR food and I believe you are capable of helping with this" It's not about if you know her or not, it's about making sure she's involved in the domestic duties.


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

well on an up note i know i struck a cord last night after i was rejected i was already awake and i didnt want to just toss and turn in bed so i got up and went to the liveing room and ended up falling back asleep almost 2 hours later how ever she thought i had left the bed becouse i was rejected


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

well tracy id like to say her dad did know but her and her brother are step brother and sister my wife had her daughter at 25 with a guy she was dateing and has no contact with anymore then she married a man had her son when her daughter was very young so me and my wifes ex are both stepdads to her but both dads at the same time


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

well i went through and read some of the bigwolf's posts and he has motivated me, i have sepnt so much time looking at this the wrong way, i have gone through the house today and done alot of things i wouldnt normaly have done, i.e. laundry and takeing things to the goodwill that have been marked for that but just not made it and so on.
i am also going to go get a shave and a hair cut becouse i have been so depressed and tired and more depressed and so on for the last 4 months that i have realy let myself go, and i have chosen a post of MR. Wolf's to send to my wife as she no's nothing of what ive been up to today while she is at work and if we have a disscusion about it im going to tell her what i need as a husband and a man and that if she ever choses to cheat on me or leave me i'd like to know about it before it happens that way i can have time to pack. becouse the simple truth of the matter is i cant force her to love me i cant make her stay with me all i can do is love her and tell her what i need/want from our marrage and let her decideif its something she would like to join me in doing. if this sounds wrong i geuss ive goten it wrong again( wouldnt be the first time) and i will move foreward


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

now your talkin


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## saggan (Mar 3, 2010)

well id like to be telling everyone that i had talked to her and done all the stuff in my previous post and she has decided to continue to be my wife for awhile but right now i just dont know, im not very good at verbalizeing my thoughts so i sent them to her in an e-mail this after noon and havent herd anything yet but she is at work so i geuss ill just wait and see


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