# I don't understand.



## David C (Jun 14, 2011)

Hi
I'm new here.
and of course I have a question.

My wife and I have been married for 25 years. We both love each other and we get along great except when it comes to sex. Don't get me wrong we have sex quite a bit. We used to have sex everyday for about the first 15 years then it tapered off. We now have sex about once a week.

But here is my concern. My wife just doesn't like to 'play' sexually. Its just utilitarian. Same proceedure same position. I've bought lots of toys slathered her with attention and gifts but if I want anything unusual to happen I have to really push for it.

Yes we have disussed this in detail for about 10 years. I can't even recall exactly how many times, literally over a hundred.

She agrees but the next day its like nothing was ever said. Its simply bizarre because I've expressed how imortant it is to me so many times. She has done a few things every once and a while but it was like pulling teeth to get her participation and then she just wasn't present.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

what kinds of things are you asking from her ? blowjobs anal double penetration 

next time you have this conversation and she agrees tell her right now this second were going to bed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

Your wife gave you sex nearly every day for 15 years????????? WOW!!!

It sounds like you want her to take initiative, but she's bored. Why don't YOU take initiative? Throw her around a bit, initiate in a strange (safe) place, bring toys into it right in the midst of things. Get her actually excited about trying new things?


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## David C (Jun 14, 2011)

Well roll playing, light bdsm were she is the 'top'. Longer fore play. Letting me go down on her, which she likes, for longer times.

I guess the thing is I just can't have her attention. Her mind is always busy thinking of things other than me. Even when we have sex her mind is elsewhere.

If I don't initiate sex it doesn't happen for weeks then she does it out of obligation because she realizes It's been a while

I used to send her Good Morning emails for about a year and a half that were complimentary and sweet. Sometimes poems I wrote to her, that kind of thing. When I stopped it went unnoticed.


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## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

Seems to me she has checked out and is just going through the motions.

how many kids do you have?

Are you/she heavily religious?


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## David C (Jun 14, 2011)

No religious issues

2 kids but they are in their late teens.

She just always seems preoccupied


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

So, how old are you both? And what happened ten years ago that seems to have changed the dynamic? There's gotta be something that's going on. Normally, if both partners really love each other and respect each other they will try and help fulfill each other's needs. If she felt a strong emotional connection with you, she would be more willing to open herself up sexually with you.

So, did you just have bored-to-tears sex for the first 15 years? Does she have an orgasm often when you have sex? Is she getting any pleasure from it?

Any changes on her end - change in birth control, taking anti-depressants, peri-menopause or menopause that could depress some of her natural physical libido?


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## David C (Jun 14, 2011)

"Normally, if both partners really love each other and respect each other they will try and help fulfill each other's needs. If she felt a strong emotional connection with you, she would be more willing to open herself up sexually with you."

We are in our late 40's.
She likes sex and she has orgasms easily.

I don't know. She is always thinking about bills or kids or something. And those are important things but I always seem to be last in line. It gets old after a while. There just isn't any room in her head for me.

We have been over it so much and with such great detail that it just feels like the movie Ground Hogs Day over and over again. I guess I don't see what the big deal is and why its so difficult to just even fake interest a few times a week.

I suppose I want her to be more sexually demonstrative.


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