# Homophobic?



## matman (Aug 26, 2011)

Thanks for everyone's help with my previous post. I have another question/situation if like to get input on. My says that because l don't find men sexually attractive I am homophobic. Now I'm a left-leaning voter I'm all for gay rights have volunteered my time in fact helping with some gay rights events I work with several gay men. I even admitted after her pressing that a man absolutely could pleasure me and it would feel fine because that's true. But I don't want to. I am sexually attracted to women. That's just the way it is I can't help that. If I think about being with a man I just don't like that thought. How to I come back against that argument?
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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

It's a stupid argument to begin with. 

I'm not sexually attracted to animals, does that mean I hate animals? 

come on


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

matman said:


> Thanks for everyone's help with my previous post. I have another question/situation if like to get input on. My says that because l don't find men sexually attractive I am homophobic. Now I'm a left-leaning voter I'm all for gay rights have volunteered my time in fact helping with some gay rights events I work with several gay men. I even admitted after her pressing that a man absolutely could pleasure me and it would feel fine because that's true. But I don't want to. I am sexually attracted to women. That's just the way it is I can't help that. If I think about being with a man I just don't like that thought. How to I come back against that argument?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell her that her not being sexually attracted to animals makes her a misozoonist.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Very stupid argument...what you are attracted to does not mean you desciminate what you are not attracted to.









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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lmao wow.... you just don't swing that way... there is nothing wrong with that.
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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

interesting, what's behind all this.

so, assume for a minute, you admit: "yes, dear, I'm homophobic. what now?" to see the real reason behind the argument - which is stupid per se, but may have some deeper, yet uncovered roots


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## matman (Aug 26, 2011)

Haha good point about the animals. I can never think of that stuff in the moment. She has a major flaw that she argues purely from a factual basis. She tends to ignore other factors that play into decisions and emotion. Her argument is that she has no problem admitting women are sexy and could and would have sex with a woman so anything less basically is homophobia. I for know how to argue against something so dumb. I'd love to try and say the yes dear I'm homophobic but shed just run with it and ignore other factors. This style of arguing carries beyond the bedroom. For example yesterday she asked me if I was happy and satisfied and I said yes because we were talking about work so I thought that's what she was referring to. But she was talking about everything which I'm not so I then said no and then we go into it about me lying. It's ridiculous. Or another example she insists I call her fat because she has a little extra baby weight just like any mother in the world. She's beautiful and I find her very very sexy. She says if I find her attractive I like fat women. So therefore I'm attracted to "fat girls" this if A=C and C=B then A=B thing is ridiculous. Not the way the world works.
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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Dude, no offence, but your wife has you on a leash BIG TIME. You really need to stand up to her. Don't let her dictate things like that.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

matman said:


> Haha good point about the animals. I can never think of that stuff in the moment. She has a major flaw that she argues purely from a factual basis. She tends to ignore other factors that play into decisions and emotion. Her argument is that she has no problem admitting women are sexy and could and would have sex with a woman so anything less basically is homophobia. I for know how to argue against something so dumb. I'd love to try and say the yes dear I'm homophobic but shed just run with it and ignore other factors. This style of arguing carries beyond the bedroom. For example yesterday she asked me if I was happy and satisfied and I said yes because we were talking about work so I thought that's what she was referring to. But she was talking about everything which I'm not so I then said no and then we go into it about me lying. It's ridiculous. Or another example she insists I call her fat because she has a little extra baby weight just like any mother in the world. She's beautiful and I find her very very sexy. She says if I find her attractive I like fat women. So therefore I'm attracted to "fat girls" this if A=C and C=B then A=B thing is ridiculous. Not the way the world works.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


wow what a pain in the a$$ to be hooked up with that! I say If it were me the writing is on the wall and would move on she dosn't sound like good marriage material!

any of you [email protected] touch any of my stuff and I'll kill ya.....lighten up Frances....now that guy is homophobic.

stripes a great movie.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

By her logic, I am homophobic because I am not sexually attracted to women. Do I find them attractive? Yes. Do I find men other than my husband attractive? Yes. Do I want any of the sexually? HELL NO! I am happy with the man I have! 

I have quite a few friends who are gay. I have some who are bi and at least one who is transgender. I have no problem with them whatsoever. Doesn't mean I am sexually attracted to any of them. I don't get how your wife can put an absolute onto something like that. Why can't she just be satisfied with the fact that you are sexually attracted to HER?


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## matman (Aug 26, 2011)

First of all I will never abandon her. Let's take that off the table right away. You're right she puts absolutes out all of the time. It's consistent and I should be on a tight leash. I marrying to figure out how to operate within this reality. I believe deep down that she believes that if I'm attracted to her there is somethig wrong. But if you read my other posts you can see what a joke of a human being I am. Her argument can always be backed up by the fact that I cheated.
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## Feelingdown (Aug 13, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I have quite a few friends who are gay. I have some who are bi and at least one who is transgender.


Think you've taken the whole 'I have gay/black/jewish friends so I can't be homophobic/racist!' line a bit too far there!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Maybe she is feeling guilty about her own sexual attraction to women. I think a lot of people feel when you are confidently hetero that you look down upon those who are not... so maybe she thinks you would judge her for any homosexual fantasies she may have and is trying to force you to open your mind just to assuage her own guilt. It's projection, and since she cannot project her own thoughts on to you she is having some dissonance about her own feelings.

I would try to steer away from this stupid argument with her because the only way she thinks she can win is to change you, and that is obviously a losing battle. She needs reassurance that not only you will be attracted to her but also that she will remain attracted to you. So just continue being yourself with her, show her love and be open minded and tolerant to her feelings, though never compromise on your actual boundaries.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

mrcow said:


> interesting, what's behind all this.
> 
> so, assume for a minute, you admit: "yes, dear, I'm homophobic. what now?" to see the real reason behind the argument - which is stupid per se, but may have some deeper, yet uncovered roots


That was my thought. Don't be surprised if she comes out later and either wants you to sleep with a man, or she herself wants to sleep with a woman. Something isn't right here. 

This whole "homophobic" thing is tossed around far too much. Because you don't agree with something does not make it a phobia. I don't agree with people having sex with children either. Does that make me a "pediphobe"? Font agree with sex with animals...a "beastiphobe"? 

People can do what they want, as long as it's legal and doesn't hurt innocent people, in their homes and I could care less. This labeling things as a "phobia" is a disingenuous and manipulative attempt to "shame" someone into thinking your way. The fact your W is doing it over the notion that you don't find men attractive to you, displays as a big red flag to me.
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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

That has to be the most ludicrous 'argument' I've ever heard! Basically, she's telling you that ALL heterosexuals are homophobic! :rofl:


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

OP,
Sounds like a bit of self-loathing and extreme insecurity going on. When you said that she argues from facts, it doesn't sound like they are valid facts. Just because she states her argument in a matter of fact way does not make it true. Hitler was full of "facts" and millions of Germans thought that he laid out a factual and scientifically based vision of the future (eugenics). Obviously, this didn't work out too well.


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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

even if her facts are correct, her conclusions may not be (and aren't, as we see).

simplest example:
sun is yellow (true)
cheese is yellow (true)
=> sun is made of cheese! (not quite).

apart from that, OP, what do you mean by saying "you cheated"; I haven't read your other posts, are you saying you had an affair?
if this is true, well, I can't really say nothing of value; I may understand from where her behaviour comes - that could be an ongoing punishment, albeit a strange one, if it's something else, I'm out of ideas.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Feelingdown said:


> Think you've taken the whole 'I have gay/black/jewish friends so I can't be homophobic/racist!' line a bit too far there!


How so? Care to elaborate?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

A phobia is an irrational fear or loathing. Folks like what they like and that's ok. I don't enjoy rap music. That doesn't mean I'm rapaphobic. I don't like pork. I'm not hogaphobic. I'd rather drink a Coke than a Pepsi. I prefer a Ford over a Chevy. I resolved long ago to not debate with drunks, druggies, the hysterical, the insane, children, animals, political radicals, or religious zealots. I rarely debate with my wife because she frequently slips into one or more of those categories. Whatever answer ends the matter soonest is the correct one.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Im sith Lon on this.. Is there actually a hidden adgenda here. Sometimes people will throw such comments on the table to gauge reaction on what you'd think if they were to devulge their interests.

A possible reaction (not advising dicussion about animals here unless its about eating one) is to bounce the concept back at here where you want to know her feelings about women together. That might just counter the homophobic comment


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Tell your wife to shut up, walk away, and never entertain this mess again.

End of story.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

To what end? I mean what possible pleasure can she get from either having you admit that you're homophobic when clearly you're not - or having you admit that you would have sex with men, when clearly you wouldn't?

Sorry dude...she's acting weird.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Pault said:


> Im sith Lon on this.. Is there actually a hidden adgenda here. Sometimes people will throw such comments on the table to gauge reaction on what you'd think if they were to devulge their interests.
> 
> A possible reaction (not advising dicussion about animals here unless its about eating one) is to bounce the concept back at here where you want to know her feelings about women together. That might just counter the homophobic comment


The other possibility is that she's interested in MMF and trying to talk him into it.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

And if you don't agree with Obamas policies then you are racist right! Same concept. Its a rediculous leap in my opinion!


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> The other possibility is that she's interested in MMF and trying to talk him into it.


This sounds plausible.

What about it OP?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Group... My name is Costa200 and i'm an heterosexual... Please help me heal it... 

Come on dude...


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

matman said:


> Thanks for everyone's help with my previous post. I have another question/situation if like to get input on. My says that because l don't find men sexually attractive I am homophobic. Now I'm a left-leaning voter I'm all for gay rights have volunteered my time in fact helping with some gay rights events I work with several gay men. I even admitted after her pressing that a man absolutely could pleasure me and it would feel fine because that's true. But I don't want to. I am sexually attracted to women. That's just the way it is I can't help that. If I think about being with a man I just don't like that thought. How to I come back against that argument?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow! We've had some discussion lately about having "old fashioned" views, but apparently I'm so old fashioned that I didn't realize this even needed an explanation, but it's like Complexity wrote, "I'm not sexually attracted to animals, does that mean I hate animals."


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