# Go or stay



## rocker (2 mo ago)

I am man at the age of 60 i just recently married (7 months ago) with black woman from country in africa she is 44 years old never been married before but have one son, everything has went on smoth we have known each others for meny years but only online so at the beginning of this year i went to her place and we did clicked together and we married at her place so far so good deal with corruption was new lesson to learn and my BIG trauma was to find out about her church and she had never explained to me about here church it is pentecoastal church where people seems to be high on drugs sometimes but according to them it is the holy spirit my dilemmma is I can not stand this church and how they treat womens, womens is the objects in the church to be prayed for deliverd from demons etc and i can not take this we have had several fights about this and it torn down our relationship, i am man i want close relationship with my wife and she want to close relationship with church and God i am not born again but christian since birth so her focus is on christianity the bible church and if i tell her im not happy with this she say read the bible and smile she is not willing to understand my point of this she is sometimes very cold and if she get in bad mood she put up her wall and keep just silent anyway this have really give me bad thoughts and feelings i belive i made terrible mistake married her and it have cost lot of money i know she is Godly but to me it is to much we can be good christian without being radikal, anyway advice is welcome how to handle and go ahead with this.
Thank you all.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You made a rash decision marrying internationally somebody you didn't really know. All the time on line doesn't count. I know you thought you knew her but now you realize you did not. 

It's time for a pros & cons list. Assume she won't change. Can you live like this forever? Make a list of what is good about being married & what is bad. Pray on it too. Hopefully that will give you an answer. Good lick.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

rocker said:


> I am man at the age of 60 i just recently married (7 months ago) with black woman from country in africa she is 44 years old never been married before but have one son, everything has went on smoth we have known each others for meny years but only online so at the beginning of this year i went to her place and we did clicked together and we married at her place so far so good deal with corruption was new lesson to learn and my BIG trauma was to find out about her church and she had never explained to me about here church it is pentecoastal church where people seems to be high on drugs sometimes but according to them it is the holy spirit my dilemmma is I can not stand this church and how they treat womens, womens is the objects in the church to be prayed for deliverd from demons etc and i can not take this we have had several fights about this and it torn down our relationship, i am man i want close relationship with my wife and she want to close relationship with church and God i am not born again but christian since birth so her focus is on christianity the bible church and if i tell her im not happy with this she say read the bible and smile she is not willing to understand my point of this she is sometimes very cold and if she get in bad mood she put up her wall and keep just silent anyway this have really give me bad thoughts and feelings i belive i made terrible mistake married her and it have cost lot of money i know she is Godly but to me it is to much we can be good christian without being radikal, anyway advice is welcome how to handle and go ahead with this.
> Thank you all.


Are you in a location where the two of you can find ministers of your respective faith's and ask them to help counsel the two of you. Set the stage by telling them both that you love this woman, which is why you married her. Tell them you want to stay married, but you need their help so you can both understand if your respective beliefs can be reconciled into a viable marriage. Tell them that you don't want one of them to try to convert either of you, but you want them to cooperatively help you and your wife resolve this dilemma involving religion and marriage.

Good luck. If you loved her, you still have the potential for reconciliation. I expect that not all pentacostal ministers are focused on saving women from demons. Just need to find one who believes in marriage and recognizes that there are multiple Christian faiths that can lead people to live a good life.


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

rocker said:


> I am man at the age of 60 i just recently married (7 months ago) with black woman from country in africa she is 44 years old never been married before but have one son, everything has went on smoth we have known each others for meny years but only online so at the beginning of this year i went to her place and we did clicked together and we married at her place so far so good deal with corruption was new lesson to learn and my BIG trauma was to find out about her church and she had never explained to me about here church it is pentecoastal church where people seems to be high on drugs sometimes but according to them it is the holy spirit my dilemmma is I can not stand this church and how they treat womens, womens is the objects in the church to be prayed for deliverd from demons etc and i can not take this we have had several fights about this and it torn down our relationship, i am man i want close relationship with my wife and she want to close relationship with church and God i am not born again but christian since birth so her focus is on christianity the bible church and if i tell her im not happy with this she say read the bible and smile she is not willing to understand my point of this she is sometimes very cold and if she get in bad mood she put up her wall and keep just silent anyway this have really give me bad thoughts and feelings i belive i made terrible mistake married her and it have cost lot of money i know she is Godly but to me it is to much we can be good christian without being radikal, anyway advice is welcome how to handle and go ahead with this.
> Thank you all.



Divorce her and carry on with your life.


Never make such rash decisions again.


Find some friends and hobbies if you're lonely and need companion ship..

Perhaps a roommate.

Get into therapy and counseling.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why not just go to different churches?


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## rocker (2 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> You made a rash decision marrying internationally somebody you didn't really know. All the time on line doesn't count. I know you thought you knew her but now you realize you did not.
> 
> It's time for a pros & cons list. Assume she won't change. Can you live like this forever? Make a list of what is good about being married & what is bad. Pray on it too. Hopefully that will give you an answer. Good lick.


Yes you are right it was rash decision what i dont like is that she was not open to me about her church after i asked her several times she she told me the name of the church and i have seen it for real as well, im not asking for wife who are soaked in this and how womens are humiliated and used in this church and i feel embarrassed to have wife who find this normal however she have torn it down and not acting out like before but it is stil problem.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

rocker said:


> Yes you are right it was rash decision what i dont like is that she was not open to me about her church after i asked her several times she she told me the name of the church and i have seen it for real as well, im not asking for wife who are soaked in this and how womens are humiliated and used in this church and i feel embarrassed to have wife who find this normal however she have torn it down and not acting out like before but it is stil problem.


To me we have a vocabulary problem in communicating. 

There is a branch of religion, say Lutheran, Catholic or Pentecostalism
There is a specific church, or the pastor/priest at that church

If the issue is that specific church and the pastor at that church than she has a real problem.

If the issue as you earlier posted, is her religion versus your religion, then that should be something that the two of you might be able to work out.

My limited knowledge of Pentacostal is from a friend a long time ago in high school. From what I was told, it seemed to be a very charismatic type of religion based on personal experiences with Christ and revelations, miracles, etc.. I consider myself Catholic and have visited Lourdes, France, where miracles seem fairly common. I have also visited the Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré near Quebec, Canada and seen the canes, walkers and other testiments to miracles that have happened there. My point is that there can be common ground between different branches of the Christian religion, if you look closely enough.

I am sure your to your wife's visits church have taught you more about it than I know. Have you and your wife visited a different Pentacostal church or different pastor's services to see if you concerns are based on the religion or if they are just based on one pastor's interpretation of that religion? I urge you to "shop" around for different churches or pastors to her religion and find one that you find less offensive. 

Then I would suggest that you talk to that pastor/minister and see if you can't discuss with him and a pastor of your religion if there isn't common ground.

Good luck.


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## rocker (2 mo ago)

The churches compete to get as many customers as possible, churches in Africa (kenya) are a business opportunity where the weak are used for some who see the profit in this and if you look from diffrent angle you can see what is going on but for those who into this for several years they are blinded. If i let her do as she wish she would serve church every day if the pastor say jump they jump i dont like see people be in control of church and pastors, i know i can talk with the pastor and i will hopefully she will ve out from that place soon, thank you for your concerns as i said before i didnt asked for wife like this and it become huge problem, hopefully solved soon.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

rocker said:


> i belive i made terrible mistake married her


You did, unfortunately. You can't stand her church and her church is a big part of her life. I would get a divorce. ASAP.



rocker said:


> hopefully solved soon


How?


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## rocker (2 mo ago)

I didnt wanted to married with church neither pastor or the holy spirit i wanted to be married with woman nothing else.


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