# Back At It Again



## iheartmywife (May 23, 2008)

Ok for those that dont know my wife cheated on me. She says it was only emotional but every fiber of my being is saying different.

Anyway I forgave her and we are trying to work on things. Its been only 6 months since all of this and I guess its getting better as far as my hurting goes. There is still pain but it doesnt rear its ugly head as often as it use to. It still bothers me that they still work together but thats something im still battling with her about. I'm afraid of her going back to this guy. Whether it be from a small arguement or a big one. This is the main reason Im finding it hard to trust her. The fact that she sees him all the time and fact that even though she says she doesnt talk to him I find it hard to believe.(Trust)

So she went away and when she came back I asked her if she was willing to try counseling again. The first time was a horrible experience with a guy who cared more about the $ than actually helping. Then there was my pastor who was a great help but we needed a bit more constant counseling. So I told her (shes on vacation) to look up some counselors while im at work and get some info about them. That was monday. She did nothing. Tuesday came and went and nothing. So wednesday comes and we get into an arguement about it. In my opinion my wife likes everything handed to her. Everything. She want to work for something but only in her comfort zone. So she decides to call up a few counselors. Then complained about how much they cost.

So today I wake up and go online and get 10 more counselors and tell her to call them. Naturally there is a problem. So hopefully she calls and makes an appointment. Im putting alot on her shoulders because I want to see how much she wants this to work and how much she is willing to do to make it work.

So you would think that would be all my problems. NOPE. I now have her sister and her sisters two kids living with me. I love the full house however my wife was quick to give up our bedroom without running it past me. So as of now Im sleeping in the living room. Needless to say Im not enjoying this. On top of that Ive just started school and when I come home the house is way too noisy to study. Last night I was able to get a hour of studing in but thats because the house was empty. When they came back (my wife included) the house was beyond noisy and I had to call it quits. 

Then whatever arguement we have my wife seems to run to her sister and tell her her problems. Its like I constantly have to defend myself. What makes it a bit easier is my sis in law knows how my wife is. So she is sympathetic.

Any advice?


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## iheartmywife (May 23, 2008)

What I really want from my wife right now is some emotional support. To feel wanted and loved. Its really tearing me up that I cant get that. I seriously need that.

Between everything all I end up feeling is anger. Am I wrong


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

With all of the recent turmoil in your marriage, the last thing you need is extended family moving in, especially taking over your bedroom. How long is this arrangement supposed to last? It is extremely nice of you both to help out her sister, but the timing is REAL bad.

Can you spend some time at the library or local coffee shop to study?


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## iheartmywife (May 23, 2008)

swedish said:


> With all of the recent turmoil in your marriage, the last thing you need is extended family moving in, especially taking over your bedroom. How long is this arrangement supposed to last? It is extremely nice of you both to help out her sister, but the timing is REAL bad.
> 
> Can you spend some time at the library or local coffee shop to study?


Thats the same thing I was saying. However she is family and I of all people would not turn anyone away because I know what it means to be in that position of having no where to go. It does put a great load on everything because the house is soo packed. Her sis is supose to go to court in December (long story). So hopefully by then she will know whats going on.

As far as studing goes I really dont have the time to go to the library like that. By the time I get out of work its closed. I will just have to wait until the kids go to sleep and then study. I tried explaining to my wife the problem Im having with but it just ends up in an arguement. 

Recently everything ends up in an arguement. Its like we dont know how to talk to each other period. Im tired of bumping heads. Its really getting to me. I dont know how much more I can take. I know she is at her breaking point too. What makes it worst is that she is going back to work tonight. I feel like telling her to choose between her career or me. And before anyone says it I know its selfish.

Ive just been going through so many emotions and always settling back on anger. All the work ive done to save my marriage im afraid im destroying it now


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## prettyinpink05 (Nov 1, 2008)

I am really sorry for what ur going through but do believe I know what it feels like going through the same thing now but only my spouse cheated on me and the thing that I'm learning is that the cheater make there spouse feels like it's there fault which is 100% wrong yes ur wife know what she is doing she know that it's making u mad and she know what she is doing is hurting u but that's what she can't see because she is still caught up in what she want to do. I got some advice from a person on this same site just the other day and I really can say some good advice....I think the one thing he really make me understand is that if u love ur spouse fight fight fight fight and believe me when I say I'm not the one that would want to do any I put it in my heart that I will stay with my husband because of our three children not for my happiness but for there's and like I told him a lot of people would say that STUPID but my children never ask to be here either and yes when I say my spouse cheated and he is still trying to make it right is when I say he had three kids out side of our family....So what ur going through I know what it feel like to love a person and then they just hurt or take all the love you have for them away and ur just there....But if you love her and you want to be with her then you FIGHT like hell only you KNOW what you feel for ur SPOUSE... all with love.


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## Godiva (Nov 7, 2008)

Hello IHMW, 

I would recommend going for counseling without your wife. Despite what you may expect, you won't be limited to receiving only half the benefits of counsel. A good counselor will help you reason and see things clearly, which will undoubtedly help you handle and resolve your situation.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

My sister is staying with us. there is no way in hell i would give up my room to her! i think its insane that your wife did that. that speaks volumes to me. Not to get u more upset, but really that was way outta line. 

i know its hard for you right now b/c of all the emotions you're feeling, but you might want to really think about why she talks to her sister and not you. Im not saying its right that she's doing that, but it sounds like she's just as lonely as you are. Of course it would be really hard for you to be there for her because of everything that's happened. i can see how she needs to be there for you, but its something to think about.


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## iheartmywife (May 23, 2008)

Well heres a little update. We had set up an appointment for a counselor. Then I asked her if we could go to the movies after. She agreed. So when it came time to go I got all the questions about how much it would cost and all the like. When she found out how much it would cost she made the face that told me I was heading into a serious arguement. I put my best face on and called up the counselor (which I really liked) and cancelled. My ears were on fire thats how mad I was but I kept on smiling. We then went to go see Madagaskar. Funny movie. Then we went to dinner. A mexican restaurant. And I tried to tackle the issue about her sis and the kids at our place.

I asked her did she hear anything about whats going on and she simple looked at me said no and that she wasnt asking no questions. WHAT? Now when I tell you it took all my effort to control my temper. IT TOOK EVERYTHING. I put on my smiling face and finished dinner. I now see that she doesnt have a problem approaching me when she doesnt like something but her family is a different situation. 

Then we go home and im thinking im getting lucky.... Yea rite. The fact that her sis is in the house means Im not getting any. I swear one of the only things I hold out for is us being intimate. The whole situation with the full house would be easier to bear (well for me) if I was able to be intimate with my wife. But I think she is uncomfortable with her sis in the house. So i get nada. Y cause when I leave they are there when I come home they are there.


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