# husband cheated when 9 months pregnant



## hopingandwaiting (Nov 29, 2012)

Also posted in the reconciliation forum


quick background my husband and I have been together 9 years and married a year.

We have always had a great relationship, friends,good sex life, lots of affection etc.
We both agreed to try for a baby back in jan and I fell preganant very quickly. 

H begain to become distant a few months before our baby was due and I saw the signs, would leave phone on silent, lost loads of weight, working out etc.

a week before our baby was due I found out he was having an ea with a co-worker. baby was born and he agreed to come back and cut all contact with her. When baby was 8 weeks old he decided he couldnt do it anymore feelings had changed ily but nilwy any more.

This left me heartbroken. I found ut the girls name, contact mutual friends, her parents and his parents yesterday and some work colleagues as I found out they were still seeing each other.

I did sleep with my husband a few times stupid I know. But before I found out they were seeing each other but we were seperated ( he moved in with parents) we were getting on I was trying to do 180 and he seemed to want to be around me more texting, cooking dinner, asking about what I was doing etc.

Last night things got bad, he reacted badly about me contacted her family etc. He now says he wants nothing more to do with me.

How do I handle this. Deep down I still love him so much even after all he has done. His behaviour is so out of character he was always the perfect husband, loving attentive, so excited about the birth of the baby and we have never had any issues before. Im pretty sure that there relationship hasnt become physical yet but they have kissed. 

Im so lost


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the WS almost always freaks out after exposure

after all, you just popped their fantasy bubble


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## hopingandwaiting (Nov 29, 2012)

I also messaged the girl who he is seeing at work to let her know that we had slept together 2 weeks ago and that he got me a pregnancy test. 

When I first found out back in august and he said he wanted to try i contacted her wanting an apology. she replied was full of remorse but it look like that was a load of lies and she couldnt care less as they are back together again!

my h was staying a couple of nights per week and on saturdays but since i have found out they are back together yesterday and the emails were sent to her family i cant be around him so have said i will drop the baby to his mums on a saturday and pick her up a few hours later and this it no more contact between us at all. 

Is this the right thing to do


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## hopingandwaiting (Nov 29, 2012)

when i spoke to her dad he was shocked. I dont know if this has made any difference at all. I dont think her and my h actually care


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

to be honest, stories like yours always freak me out a little as my wife cheated when her OM's wife was 9 months pregnant

do yourself a favor and leave OW alone (contacting her directly, exposure is fine imo), getting your jabs in like that isn't going to do you any good and it certainly won't affect what she does or how she feels.

I think it is wise to have an intermediary for the baby exchange, the less you see him the better you can detach and get on with your life


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## hopingandwaiting (Nov 29, 2012)

I know I wont contact her anymore!

I am just going to hand her over to his mum so I dont even have to see him


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well the best chance you have is to demonstrate consequence of what happens if he doesnt go NC
so by removing yourself from him and showing him he only sees the baby part time and that divorce is costly, and destroying his fantasy by exposing etc etc, will he either wake up or start realizing what he has lost and start working his ass off to get you back or continue being a *********


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## My_2nd_Rodeo (Nov 20, 2012)

hopingandwaiting said:


> Also posted in the reconciliation forum
> 
> 
> quick background my husband and I have been together 9 years and married a year.


I read this alot on these forums. Once they get married, the little boy feels trapped. Having a baby was the closing of a second cage door trap in his mind. He's having a crisis of being on the hook for being responsible.

I agree with almostrecovered. You exposed the affair and now tainted it forever. That is why he flew off the handle. How can the OW marry or have a public relationship with this man? A man who left his pregnant wife high and dry - and she was the hussy? 

The OW knows that her family must disapprove (whether in the open or secretly). 

My 1st wife had an affair with a married man that had twins on the way (and then afterwards). I exposed it to her father and mother, she went irrate. This is typical. The fantasy is dead, there is no magical ending. I "stole" that potential from her by exposing the affair.

FYI - if they kissed, by definition it has become physical. When a cheating spouse says they kissed, it often means they did a whole lot more. Read the countless threads where it started off as "they admitted they just kissed"... then later on it is exposed as a full PA.

You're a mom trying to salvage a new family. I really wish you the best and hope he gets out of the affair fog. You want it to work out, so there might be a chance. It is possible, there are many success stories. Don't let him jerk you around though. There are some books that may be of use.


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## hopingandwaiting (Nov 29, 2012)

My h is younger than me im 31 and he is 26 I always said to him are you ready for marriage babies he always said it was what he wanted. He wanted to try on our honeymoon but i suggested waiting until dec. 

He has also isolated our closest friends. His best mate as just got married had a baby and really isnt happy about the situation.
He said he doesnt need them and has got really close to a young guy at work who is your typical single bloke. 

My h dad dies when he was young and his family are quite disfunctional and he has always the strong reliable one. This is why all of this is such a shock and so out of character. 

No one can quite believe it!

I have told him that if he carrys on with the ow then I want a divorce and nothing more to do with him. I have asked him to pay the costs and he said I will have to wait for him to get the money and wouldnt say when.
I am on maternity pay and dont have the money to pay for it.

I just think he goes ahead with the divorce then we not meant to be and they are welcome to each other even though this isnt what I want


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

hopingandwaiting said:


> I have asked him to pay the costs and he said I will have to wait for him to get the money and wouldnt say when.


get a lawyer stat and make him pay


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## My_2nd_Rodeo (Nov 20, 2012)

hopingandwaiting said:


> My h is younger than me im 31 and he is 26 I always said to him are you ready for marriage babies he always said it was what he wanted. He wanted to try on our honeymoon but i suggested waiting until dec.


He was 17 when you started seeing each other (9 years ago)?

Sounds like a boy who needs to man-up, no matter how responsible he appears on the surface, he isn't. Sorry, he's a dirtbag for cheating on his pregnant wife - that's low.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

hopingandwaiting said:


> Also posted in the reconciliation forum
> 
> 
> quick background my husband and I have been together 9 years and married a year.
> ...



Im sorry you are here, what a terrible time to discover an affair. He said he wants nothing else to do with you because he is mad right now. Do the 180 and act like you really dont care and see if it changes things. Dont do the 180 for him, do it for you!! 

My husband sent me an email the day after I confronted his OW at the softball park with a couple of punches to the head. That wasnt my intention, Im not a confrontational person but she shouldnt have been there and she was being disrespectful while I was trying to talk to her so I had to reprimand her before she walked away. :rofl:

He was embarrassed so he emailed me the next day saying he didnt want anything else to do with me and he didnt have contact for 3 days then he started sending out feelers again.

You need to take care of you and that precious baby of yours....he's the one thats missing out!


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## steinjeremo (Nov 29, 2012)

I dont know if this has made any difference at all.


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