# Is Marriage for Everybody?



## MacarraF (Sep 14, 2011)

I'm seriously on the fence about this. Is marriage REALLY for everybody? Check this article:

Marriage: The End All, Be All? - Don't Catch Feelings!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is Marriage for Everybody? 

No. I do not think marriage is for everybody.


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## MacarraF (Sep 14, 2011)

I agree! But society makes you feel like a social pariah for not walking down the aisle.


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## Open4it (Sep 1, 2011)

Marriage is not for everybody.
I believe serial monogamy, polyamory & polygamy are valid alternatives for people to explore.
I do not believe that any of these choices are a threat to traditional marriages.
Also, I think that the arrangement of living under the same roof doesn't need to apply to every marriage. For some, having separate residences would be ideal. Mention this to people and see how much resistance there is to this one. lol

The question you posed should be given serious contemplation by everyone before they venture forth to say "I do."
Marriage is more a fable than a fairytale.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

No it is not for everybody.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

MacarraF said:


> I'm seriously on the fence about this. Is marriage REALLY for everybody? Check this article:
> 
> Marriage: The End All, Be All? - Don't Catch*Feelings!


Of course not. 

Marriage takes responsibility, ingenuity, Hard work, Maturity, and empathy.

Few people actually possess even one of these traits, let alone all five.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

MacarraF said:


> I agree! But society makes you feel like a social pariah for not walking down the aisle.



Amen!! And I sometimes wonder if it is because they think that marriage will make everyone happy - or is it more because they fell for it and gave up their freedom and independence and by George if they did it then everyone else should to!!! :rofl:


Many years ago my sister said to me "when all my friends started getting married they pressured me to do the same, then years later when they all started getting divorced they wanted me to follow them on that also". . . .

But one thing my sister and I both agree on now is that we wished we had realized at a younger age that we didn't necessarily have to follow the path that had been laid our for us by our parents and society.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

rikithemonk said:


> Of course not.
> 
> Marriage takes responsibility, ingenuity, Hard work, Maturity, and empathy.
> 
> Few people actually possess even one of these traits, let alone all five.


So you are saying people who don't get married are irresponsible, dishonest, lazy, immature and unfeeling? 

See that is the attitude by society that makes one feel like they are lacking if they don't get married.


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## Open4it (Sep 1, 2011)

rikithemonk said:


> Of course not.
> 
> Marriage takes responsibility, ingenuity, Hard work, Maturity, and empathy.
> 
> Few people actually possess even one of these traits, let alone all five.


I agree with what you're saying.
OTOH, a person could still possess all or some of these traits and still not think that marriage is for them.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

MacarraF said:


> I agree! But society makes you feel like a social pariah for not walking down the aisle.


After getting divorced after 18 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, I have seriously asked myself that question.
I feel like I may have been a candidate for not getting married.

Let me define: I equate marriage with a relationship. In other words, I'm not saying I shouldn't have gotten married, but instead, just lived together. I mean that I should have just let any serious relationship go alltogether. 

Society tends to act as though people are a little weird if they are older and never been married, or that there is no way a single person could be as happy as a married person, but if you have the right personality for it, I think a single person could be very happy. 

Why do i say i might not have been the marrying kind? I'm an introvert. I enjoy doing things alone a lot. I'm not the type who gets lonely easily or has to be around someone all the time to be happy. I also don't like drama. No matter how good a marriage is, there is always some stress or emotional drama from time to time. I could live without it.

Now that I'm divorced, I do what i want when I want, and it doesn't involve another relationship. I don't have to ask anybody or hope I'm not bothering someone by doing what I want to do.


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## Open4it (Sep 1, 2011)

southbound said:


> Society tends to act as though people are a little weird if they are older and never been married, or that there is no way a single person could be as happy as a married person, but if you have the right personality for it, I think a single person could be very happy.
> 
> Why do i say i might not have been the marrying kind? I'm an introvert. I enjoy doing things alone a lot. I'm not the type who gets lonely easily or has to be around someone all the time to be happy. I also don't like drama. No matter how good a marriage is, there is always some stress or emotional drama from time to time. I could live without it.
> 
> Now that I'm divorced, I do what i want when I want, and it doesn't involve another relationship. I don't have to ask anybody or hope I'm not bothering someone by doing what I want to do.


You are describing me. I can play alone in the sandbox all day and be happy as a clam. (how happy are clams anyway?)

I agree that middle-aged, never-been-marrieds are looked upon with suspicion. People question my sanity (I do too ) and I'm sure people think I'm a closeted lesbian.

My ideal relationship is a committed/monogamous one but I would prefer separate residences. I would be saving some poor [email protected] from a lifetime of misery by not living under the same roof. I'm not even kidding. lol

This causes me a lot of grief as I want to be close to someone but from a distance. A real dilemma.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I also DO NOT think marraige is for everyone. I have an Aunt who never married, happy her whole life with her full time job, many friends, very family oriented, threw HUGE holiday parties. She had a good time, never felt like she was missing a thing. 

People should DO and BE what fullfills them in life. To know what that is -is the magic question. 


I KNOW what does it for ME....I am the type that wants it , loves it, and would likely wither without a man in my life and I *LOVE* being married. I used to say in my younger years, "I cant understand why everyone says it is worse after the wedding, cause we felt it was better!". 


I would not enjoy being single. I do not even like to go to McDonalds and sit by myself, I want a companion, someone to come home too, to do things for, to share everything with, to cry on their shoulder, to lay around & watch movies with, to tell my deepest secrets & fears too, to keep me warm at night, to talk about the future, reminisce the past, someone to wake up too, take a shower with, cook breakfast for- with a kiss out the door. 

I have never been a big fan of hanging out with the girls, I get bored with that, I want a Lover at all times, and all the drama, fighting, romance & sex that goes with it. 

But I know not everyone is like ME ---- and that is OK too.

No judgement here. I have met many very fullfilled singles in my lifetime who do more in thier life than I ever will do or be. But I still wouldn't want to be them, I'd rather be chained to my man.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I come from a culture where marriage is a must. It's pathetic. Once my parents divorced people realized that my dad was just not the marriage type and he did so just to please society. Big mistake. His brothers are all the same. Just raised to be perfectly comfortable alone but got married because they "had" to and now they're in unhappy marriages. 

Plus I hate it when people see someone over the age of 35 and never married and assume they're homosexual. Ridiculous. Just leave people alone. Some folks are better off that way. I know countless people who are married but shouldn't and lots of people who aren't but would make great spouses.


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## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

SadieBrown said:


> So you are saying people who don't get married are irresponsible, dishonest, lazy, immature and unfeeling?
> 
> See that is the attitude by society that makes one feel like they are lacking if they don't get married.


Nope. Im saying that people who are irresponsible, dishonest, lazy, immature and unfeeling, shouldn't get married.

But they should still date. After all, ugly people need love too.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

rikithemonk said:


> Of course not.
> 
> Marriage takes responsibility, ingenuity, Hard work, Maturity, and empathy.
> 
> Few people actually possess even one of these traits, let alone all five.


I know a lot of married people who don't possess these things. 



rikithemonk said:


> Nope. Im saying that people who are irresponsible, dishonest, lazy, immature and unfeeling, shouldn't get married.
> 
> *But they should still date. After all, ugly people need love too. *


LOL. What?


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I know a lot of married people who don't possess these things.
> 
> 
> 
> LOL. What?



Jellybeans, I think he is just yanking our chain.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

I think I could have been happy staying single, except for wanting kids part. I came from a culture where you were looked down on if you weren't married - and in my family you didn't have kids out of wedlock. There were no two ways about it. 

I also worked at our county Probate court, I was over marriage license. Wow, I saw all kinds of couples, and I arrived at the conclusion that people get married for all kinds of reasons and it's not always for love. . . .


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> People should DO and BE what fullfills them in life. To know what that is -is the magic question.


That is certainly the magic question. I thought i was the marrying type when i got married. We live in a society that views marriage as the "next step" at some point in life. And I admit, it is a very natural, normal thing. Perhaps I didn't explore the option of not getting married when i was young. I guess i just thought it was the next thing to do.

Don't get me wrong, having a woman around at times would be great, but not sure I want the whole deal anymore. So, I'm enjoying the single life right now. And by single, i mean no dating or anything.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

SadieBrown said:


> Amen!! And I sometimes wonder if it is because they think that marriage will make everyone happy - or is it more because they fell for it and gave up their freedom and independence and by George if they did it then everyone else should to!!! :rofl:
> 
> 
> Many years ago my sister said to me "when all my friends started getting married they pressured me to do the same, then years later when they all started getting divorced they wanted me to follow them on that also". . . .
> ...


Both of these posters put my thoughts into words exactly. I also feel this includes having children. When all your friends start having children, you feel pressured to follow along. And when you are married, there comes a point when people start wondering why you aren't having children. They think maybe one of you CAN'T have children or something. What they don't get is that some people actually choose to wait, or even NOT have children.


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