# What my husband did feels like it is killing me!



## Drifter (Dec 23, 2009)

I have been working since I was 13 years old. I worked my way through college and graduate school. I always saved money but was never frugal. I helped friends and family members and even used to treat myself to something special every now and then. 

I've worked hard all my life, so in 2005, a year after I got married, I had the good fortune of selling a piece of property that I'd purchased for very little years ago. I sold it for several hundred thousand dollars. I also had several hundred thousand in my pension fund, and my husband had a great job making 6 figures. I always thought he was responsible about money. I'd always seen him paying his bills on time and he never went on any spending sprees. 

In 2004 he was keen to buy a home. I was reluctant because I wanted to change careers but he said we would buy something that his salary alone would more than cover. I agreed to buy based solely on that contingency. Well not one year after we purchased the home he wanted to quit his job and enter the new field I was in. I was against it and made it clear, but he refused time and again and said if he couldn't cut it, he'd just find another job in his original field. At the same time, my mother was diagnosed with mid-stage dimentia and I had to become her primary caregiver. So while I was taking care of my mother all day, my husband was busy blowing thousands of dollars daily in the stock market, then spending hours in the evening playing World of Warcraft. 

He blew the money I'd made on my property sale plus all of our joint savings and then started transfering my IRA funds into our checking account and was spending that in record amounts. Were it not for my mother's severe illness, I believe this never would have happened. I was shocked that he never told me he was getting into trouble, ruining our finances or destroying the fruits of my labor. 

He is now employed again but there is no way he can make up the amount of money he went through in a year and a half and now the economy is so bad that I've yet to find additional work to help replace my financial loss. I feel like my years of work and sacrifice meant nothing to him. That he does not value me. I don't even think he loves me. Sometimes I think he did this on purpose to destroy me. All I know is that I haven't been the same. My health is suffering, my heart aches. I just don't understand how he could have done something like this when we had absolutely no debt, except for our mortgage after we purchased our modest home. He even opened credit card accounts and ran up $30,000 in additional debt. The question is why? He says he loves me, that he made huge mistakes, but the blowback in all of this is that I'm not the person I used to be. I see myself falling apart and I wonder if I will ever be able to put myself back togther again. I feel as though something inside of me is dying, as though I am dying. If anyone has any advice, please reach out!


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## katrin1980 (Dec 24, 2009)

It is very a pity to me that your family sustains such losses and it is very a pity you that you worked so much and your husband has not estimated it. But in the first I think to you it is necessary to talk about it and to rescue still that that it is necessary to close to it access ray:

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## Chelhxi (Oct 30, 2008)

That is really a sad story. I am very sorry that you didn't realize what he was doing sooner and you hadn't taken steps to protect yourself. Sounds like a pre-nup and separate finances would have been good for you, but not much you can do about that now.

If it was me, I would almost definitely leave him. He completely took advantage of you, and doesn't deserve any trust at all. I'm not usually vindictive, but in this situation I would see a lawyer (if you wanted to leave) about how much money you could get out of him in a divorce. If you don't want to leave, I would look into separating all finances, and try to draft an agreement (post-nup) to protect yourself further.

But again, I would not stay with this jerk.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Wow. I am so sorry you are going through this. You really needed him to step up so you could care for your mother and he did the absolute opposite. I have also worked since I was 12 and I would feel much the way you do had this happened to me.

My father has a severe gambling addiction and once a multi-millionairre is now completely broke....hearing the amount of $ your h went through reminded me of my father. He was also heavy into the stock market (in which he did well) but lost everything in the casinos. I believe it starts out small and snowballs ... once they get in too deep, they panic and scramble to recoup.

How is he now? Devastated? Remorseful? Again, so sorry you are dealing w/this. The difficult part will be to think back on what you've lost....it took many years of hard work to get there...but you will rebuild and be fine ... you have it in you


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