# Sexless, cheating, possible divorce



## Hurting one (Sep 9, 2012)

I have been with my husband since I was 16. Our sex life was crazy...oversexed, really. After a few years I started feeling bad about sex and would reject him all the time. Since I am catholic and I felt maybe this was part of my issue (premarital sex) we decided not to have sex until after we were married--a year and a half later we got married and the sex never picked back up. He was so hurt by my rejection and thought i never wanted him that he stopped trying...fast forward a few years and he told me he doesn't even want sex anymore. This whole time I have been feeling so inadequate about my sexual feelings, but this was not a good option to me. I wanted to have sex, but was too shy to initiate anything and always felt so stupid, so I would just wait for him. The waiting didn't work and now I have found out that he has cheated on me, doesn't think he can ever feel sexually attracted to me anymore, and thinks he wants a divorce. I was blindsided. I never knew it was this bad in his mind because he has always reassured me of his feelings of love. I need help in two ways: 1. How can I get him to fall back in love with me and see that I can change and 2. How am I going to get over his infidelity??!! 

-Hurting One


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

It sounds like communication is a major issue in your relationship,so go to get MC and be sure that you will be able to forgive him for cheating and want to work though it or else it will not work.

Years and years ago when I was in College I dated a woman and we were having sex all the time then after summer break she came back and it was like your sitaution and it took me year to not not be pissed at her,right or wrong that stayed with me when ever I thought of her and if the sex changed with anybody after I dated her I was out looking for somebody new.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

First things first

Is the affair still going on? If so, before any counseling he must end it, send her a NC letter and be 100% tranparent to you (he should give you the PWs to all email and cell phone accounts as well as FB etc)

Then the two of you must decide if you want to try and fix this. This is where counseling will then come in to play.

Good luck!


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

I don't think you're the one who needs to change. He is. I can almost guarantee you that your rejection when you were dating has nothing to do with him not wanting to have sex with you, or his decision to have an affair. 

If that's what he told you, he's lying.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

WhiteMousse said:


> I don't think you're the one who needs to change. He is. I can almost guarantee you that your rejection when you were dating has nothing to do with him not wanting to have sex with you, or his decision to have an affair.
> 
> If that's what he told you, he's lying.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Hurting one said:


> The waiting didn't work and now I have found out that he has cheated on me, doesn't think he can ever feel sexually attracted to me anymore, and thinks he wants a divorce. I was blindsided. I never knew it was this bad in his mind because he has always reassured me of his feelings of love. I need help in two ways: 1. How can I get him to fall back in love with me and see that I can change and 2. How am I going to get over his infidelity??!!
> 
> -Hurting One


Unfortunately this man is deceptive. If he assured you of his love, but now wants a divorce, obviously he was lying. 

I think there is a bit of Madonna/wh*&re complex going on with him. 

The excuse that he just stopped trying because he felt rejection is a common way for a cheating man to blame his wife for his cheating. 

When there is no sex in a marriage, there are always reasons on both ends 

He could have tried harder, and yes of course so could have you. But you didn't cheat. 

He should have saw sex counseling for both of you.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I don't know. I'm not sure I agree with the others. I see a pretty obvious cause and effect with the long term rejection you inflicted on him.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Cheating is not right.

But a man who is not sexually satisfied in his marriage will turn to one a few options, one of which is cheating.

I think the first thing you should figure out is if you can be a sexual wife to him... If not, why try to get it back together?


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