# Just don't think she appreciates me.



## lor3nzo (Sep 12, 2010)

I'm new at this whole thing, let me first start out by introducing myself, my name is lorenzo and i'm 24 years old, been married for 3 years and we actually just had our first child 7 1/2 months ago, a little baby boy who is my world, which is why this is hard to explain.

My daily day consists of getting up at 6am going to school until 2:15pm and then coming home, then at about 3:45 i take my son so my wife can go to school until 5:15, i have to be to work at 5 and get off at 9 so my mother in law watches him. 

This past week i was on paid vacation and i only had to worry about going to school so after about 2:15 i was a stay at home parent and it was awesome... well lately my wife and i have been fighting everyday about little things and even almost called it off, i don't like to argue in front of our baby but she'll curse and yell when he is watching, i will just leave and we'll just "text fight" because to me that's better for our child. 

Well, today she got mad at me because i slept in until 10:20ish(keep in mind she sleeps in until 9:30-9:45 everyday.) but i didn't go to bed until about 1 because i was watching a 9/11 documentary and then Nancy Grace. She would come in about every 15-20 mins trying to wake me up but i just fell back asleep, i was tired. Well i finally got up and could tell she was mad, i just don't feel like she appreciates any of the work i do, she always says "Well that's not a break to me, lorenzo!" and i give her a break as much as i possibly can, but i feel like no matter what i do its never going to be good enough for her, i didn't want to start anything so i apologized and just left it as that, what can i do to make my marriage work? We always say were going to go to marriage counseling but we never do, she yells at me and asks "You still haven't called the counselor?" I'm busy all day i don't understand why she can't do it? She tends to make it out like her job is harder than mine when i feel they are both hard but she never tells me thanks for the hard work, i tell her a good percentage thanks for being such a great mom.

When it comes to saying "i love you" its always me who has to say it first for some reason, i feel like she has to be in control of everything... she acts just like her mother and it drives me crazy she will talk to her mom about everything, even my brother and there was a bad time in our life when he lived with us and she wanted me to choose him or her! I just couldn't choose...

I'm in need of help or advice on how i can fix this, i want this to work out for our son but i also don't want to feel like this anymore.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

She has a bad temper. She is impatient. She takes you for granted. If she doesn't change her attitude, she is going to lose you. You are only 24. If your marriage works out, there are another 60 years to go. Please talk to her, does she want ONE happy marriage or many marriages? Don't think that a certificate gives you the right to act silly. Don't think that you have his child, he owes you the world. Women have to be soft just as men have to be responsible. Soft and affectionate women are always attractive to men. Talk to her, and help her understand the importance of this. Please don't let her trash you, stand up for yourself, but don't yell and scream. Men have to be firm sometimes. Tell her what she had being acting wasn't pretty.


----------



## Boogsie (Aug 24, 2010)

lor3nzo said:


> I'm new at this whole thing, let me first start out by introducing myself, my name is lorenzo and i'm 24 years old, been married for 3 years and we actually just had our first child 7 1/2 months ago, a little baby boy who is my world, which is why this is hard to explain.
> 
> My daily day consists of getting up at 6am going to school until 2:15pm and then coming home, then at about 3:45 i take my son so my wife can go to school until 5:15, i have to be to work at 5 and get off at 9 so my mother in law watches him.
> 
> ...


One thing you can do is stand up for your self and set some boundaries for what you will accept for behavior and what you won't. When she gets angry, loud, and starts cussing at you, calmly look her in the eyes and say, "The way you are talking to me is unacceptable. We can resume this conversation when you are more calm and can discuss this like an adult."

Do NOT be afraid to call her out on bad behavior and tell her its unacceptable.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Politely ask her "how is this helpful"?

There's no way for her to say you are at fault or getting "big" emotionally.

It's like holding up a mirror to her bad behavior.

Conrad


----------



## Zammo (Aug 9, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Politely ask her "how is this helpful"?


This assumes logic and reason on her part.

Bad assumption.

This question will likely result in continued abuse or even violence.

A bad temper is a sign of poor emotional control and general immaturity.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You mentioned "she acts just like her mother." Where else would she learn how to be a wife? Text fighting is easy to fix. She sends you a nasty one, reply with "I love you". Nobody argues for long if they don't get an ugly response. Things have to be talked out but when it quits being civil, I take a hike. My wife knows we don't yell, scream, throw stuff, or call each other ugly names. If she starts getting loud, I just calmly tell her that I know she's upset and I know we need to talk, but it's getting a little too intense and we'll we'll have to continue when we both can communicate like two loving, reasonably educated adults. I take a walk or a drive and usually in 30 minutes or less, she's ready to continue.


----------

