# I need somebody to tell me that the hurt will eventually stop



## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

My divorce lawyer just emailed me the proposed final decree, worked out between her and my h's lawyer. I printed it out and didn't think it would have much impact on me, since I have been expecting this. 

But the language is so nasty in one spot, and I am sure it is my h's muse (the OW) behind it. It says "a state of irreconcilable incompatibility has arisen between the two parties . . . which has completely destroyed the legitimate aims of the marriage . . . and rendered its continuation impossible . . . " 

And my h lied about the date of separation. He put down 10/1/2007, which is SO not true. He didn't tell me about OW until July of 2008 and moved out shortly thereafter. But he has told HER that he only knew me for a year and we had been married for one when he started screwing her. I knew him for 11 years before we married, and I moved and gave up jobs and supported him for all of that time. HE was the one who proposed and wanted to get married. And I guess that didn't solve his crisis. 

This is just bringing back memories and triggers, because I had a clue he was spending time away from the house in December of 2007, and he was so moody I sent him to his home state for Christmas without me (and his Mom later reported he was horribly grouchy and nasty), but he led me to believe he slept with her the day AFTER my birthday in 2008. Those of you have read my posts know that he has fooked up almost every major holiday or memorable event, like my mother's funeral, in one way or another, and now this damn divorce is likely to be finalized right around Thanksgiving. And he came home last summer, and again this summer . . . 

Anyway, I knew this was going to happen, and yesterday I was strong and good and even positive and realizing this is all a good thing; and I finally had a relaxing weekend without working a lot, in part because I got out and went shopping and also because I don't worry any more about him showing up at my house. And damned if he didn't text me as I walked into the door at work yesterday. He was first asking if he could pick up some of his things from the house (so I figured he was coming down to see his lawyer and maybe sign forms). And then an hour or so later he texted, offering me money, repaying me for a portion of some money we had given our son (his son, my stepson), and I said no thanks, I never expected to get that back, he was injured and out of work, no strings attached. I had a feeling he was sensing the end of the marriage and the end of me being available to him, and touching base to see if i was mad at him, and sure enough, I get to the back of this proposed consent form and h and his lawyer have already signed it. Yesterday I'm sure. 

At first my lawyer thought this might be done by Halloween, since it was simple, but h's lawyer was busy, and so now, since divorces are over in 10 days here if the paperwork's done, Happy Thanksgiving to me. 

Damn.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Oh Teddie, sending hugs. The timing was a little different for me. When I received a filed copy of the divorce complaint I just bawled like a baby, and I'm the one who filed.

The hurtful language you referenced reads a bit more like legaleez than vindictive marriage. Pull up the divorce statute in your state and look for grounds for divorce and I bet you find language that's very similar to what's in the order.

So he lied about the date of separation. Does that impact any other provision of the decree-and I'm thinking of property, only. You can always challenge the date just to mess with him, but know that it will delay the final decree while you do.

My divorce date just passed the two-year mark and yes, the pain does end.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Yes it will end, AND it's there to HELP YOU!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Thank you Dude! And Pluto2, ultimately, the separation date makes no difference. He offered to give me a certain amount per month for twelve months. My attorney was going to ask for 24. I don't know if there are things we can put in this proposal, that is, the things my lawyer wanted that aren't in there, but which my h and his lawyer may have approved as long as my lawyer does the work . . . but in any case, the separation date doesn't really matter, except that it isn't true. But then again, maybe it is. I had a feeling he was seeing other women before this OW so maybe he screwed someone else before he screwed her and in his mind, he emotionally separated from me on that date. And the payments he offered start November 1 (this month), so a separation date of October makes some sense. My lawyer works with h's lawyer often on cases and they even go to lunch together and are friends. They both knew we wanted this to be amicable and not crazy. 

But I'm not going to try to make sense of it. I think I will probably lose it when the decree is approved and the divorce is given a final date. His mental health is getting so much worse and he reached out yesterday; I can feel him slipping away into the control of this alcoholic addled twelve-year old in a 44-year-old woman's body who just wants his retirement check. As a friend of mine said, my life is about to get a lot better and his is about to get a whole lot worse. 

Anyway, it's not my problem. 

Thanks, guys. And Dude, you really ARE right. I have work to do, and I have a dissertation to write (four chapters between now and December 18 - at least in some rough draft form so my committee can tell the Graduate Dean there's something to work with; it has been delayed for years thanks to a whole host of things, including h's issues). I have to move forward. I can throw myself into the dissertation with a vengeance and make it better than it should be given the time I have to do it. 

Thanks.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

It's the finality......... even though it was bad at many posts along the trail of your M.... there were times

it was golden. Those were the things that bothered me. Even though they will never be re-enacted,

they will be remembered forever. Just the way it goes.........

Take the good, learn from the bad.... and improve.

“No people find each other more absurd than lovers” - CS Lewis, The -Great- Divorce (of Heaven and He!!)


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

The losses go far beyond your stbexh, you are grieving the dreams you once had and saying goodbye to that old life. The grief is your friend and will prepare you for your new life and new dreams. Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

It does get better, Teddie. It really does.


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## Workathome (Aug 30, 2014)

It seems like you may be better off to disconnect from him. What are you getting from continuing to be there for him?

Time to take care of yourself and move on from this man. He has shown you exactly who he is, so pay attention to what he is showing you. Do you want to continue to let him have an affect on you? You will be able to move on if you stop allowing his problems to be your problems. YOU deserve to be happy and he is not the person who is going to ALLOW you to be happy!


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Is it not truly a time for thanksgiving? You know things could not have continued and your pain would have just been perpetuated. Look at it from the side that you are now going to be truly free to pursue a real future. Painful now? Yes but with the pain comes new hope and a new future. The pain will fade and I dare say you will not look on Thanksgiving negatively in the future but rather as the time when your life got so much better. I wish you strength and happiness.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> Is it not truly a time for thanksgiving? You know things could not have continued and your pain would have just been perpetuated. Look at it from the side that you are now going to be truly free to pursue a real future. Painful now? Yes but with the pain comes new hope and a new future. The pain will fade and I dare say you will not look on Thanksgiving negatively in the future but rather as the time when your life got so much better. I wish you strength and happiness.


Yes, Spock, you're right, the thought crossed my mind. And thanks to all of you sweet folk who showed up to show support. Yes, Chuck, when it was good, it was golden. But more than once he sabotaged my forward progress, sometimes not intentionally, sometimes very much so, or at least callously and selfishly. 

Yeah, it's going to be okay. And yeah, I need to let it go. 

Thanks.  You guys are swell.


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## Riptide (Nov 2, 2015)

Some really good posts and insight. As Dude wise fully mentions, the Pain will go away and is part of the healing process. It sounds counter intuitive but as he also said it is your friend. The one thing about picking yourself up from the deepest and darkest despair, things will seem so much brighter on the other side and you will not take things for granted. Use this pain as motivation to find your self and discover what you want. Get out there and be the person you wanted to be. You have the support of many people here so use us as you need. When you pick your self up and start an exciting new life, we hope to hear and share in that victory

I can relate to the sense of loss and finality. The best realization is that you only lost what you think you had which was probably not reality and the hopes and dreams you had for the future were based on an illusion. That realization was an eye opener for me when a wise friend gave me that advice


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Riptide, thanks. You're right. I have, many times, said, who WAS that guy I fell in love with? Was he the real guy, or was he the guy the guy I loved WANTED to be and TRIED to be, or was he a facade that fell apart when my guy had his health and mental issues and no longer had the energy to keep up the pretense? Or did his mental issues that he had managed and coped with and held at bay overcome the really nice guy who may be in there trying to get out, and am I abandoning that great guy trapped in there? I'll never know. 

Workathome, I stayed connected to him because he has serious signs of mental illness and slow but advancing dementia, and the ***** is taking advantage of him and will take all his money and leave him penniless. As long as I was his wife, I observed, and when he had serious health issues requiring surgery and wanted me there in the hospital or at the doctor's office, I was. He is like two people, the one I knew and fell in love with, and a mean grumpy constantly-depressed victim. His family is 1200 miles away so I watched over his situation for his family, or at least that's how I rationalized things. But I am already realizing, ever since my mother's funeral in September and a stunt he pulled, the absolute unbelievable degree to which the last 7 years have been ALL about him. He was mad at my mother's funeral that my brother and SIL were too tired to hear about his surgery and his near-death experience. They had nursed my mother in her last days and then handled, with my sister and BIL, the details of my mother's funeral, after handling issues related to her estate (my brother is a lawyer, my sister an accountant), and just didn't have time or energy to make him the center of attention. He is a Peter Pan, a Knight of Cups. . . and all I saw was the mental illness. I KNEW he was averse to getting help for it, but I failed to see the incredible degree to which he tried to foster a situation of women fighting over him (but it didn't work because I detached), since his grandmother spoiled him rotten and she and his mother fought over who would be the biggest influence in his life. He imprinted that like a gosling. 

Today I have regained my composure and equilibrium, and am grateful for two things: one, I handled this the best way I could, and achieved my goal of the fewest possible regrets, and two, I didn't lose the opportunity to complete my dissertation, even though I had to keep pushing it off due to my own medical issues (some of which may have been exacerbated by the stress of him), and I really CAN be what I was meant to be. The author George Eliot said it is never too late to be what you might have been. So here I come!

Thanks everyone! I'm so glad I found you all before this divorce.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Seemed easy at first didn't it? Male / female unite, promise to have each other's back, Be true to each other....

For the most part it works..... for a number of years. Then something happens.... what it is...

the BS nor the WS really have no clue. The first bandage slides off.... then another, another....

by the time it is noticeable.... bandages are falling left and right.

You want answers, how to correct things, how to move back to that time of "having each other's back"

Sounds kind of simple..... cut n dry.... It's not. Alas we are here....

Had I already had kids.... I really can't see getting M again....

M used to be an honored thing.... then I saw friend after friend get D. Then it happened to me.

Then I came to TAM.... OMG at the stories... I will never see M again... like I once did.

Wars in Europe were commonplace, even necessary in the 19th century. WW1 put everyone in a daze... state of shock

WW2... was the "end war" Reason why you have not seen an actual "war" in Europe since.

Cold War was exactly that.... a cold war.... satellite states, Iron Curtain...

Europe's view of war today is about what my view of M is now.....

Had you asked me in 1995 if I would have this view of M twenty years later.... I'd have thought you were BSC.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

I SO agree, Chuck. Marriage used to be an honored thing. And then the 60s and 70s came. Everything else about that era I liked - the anti-war movement, pulling down Tricky ****, but the free love thing . . . not so much. 

I was asking myself yesterday what my model of marriage was. There were two. There were my parents, who should have divorced but couldn't afford it. We were lower lower lower middle class, and looked affluent thanks to credit cards. My grandparents, though, on each side, stuck it out. My American grandma gained weight and so did my grandad but they loved each other; it wasn't about how they looked. It was about they made dinner together and cleaned the kitchen together and he would read the paper while she watched her soap opera and snoozed on the couch after lunch. My English grandparents never stopped moving. She cooked four meals a day and he worked in the yard and walked, and they had survived WWII and raised four kids during rationing. And it never occurred to them to divorce. They were forced to manage life together and they made agreements about what they and wouldn't tolerate along the pathway from their marriage to their deaths. 

I'm sure I'm romanticizing marriage, too. But at the very least, my h and I were together 11 years, and I didn't want marriage, he did . . . so I figured HE was choosing ME and to be with me, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, until death did us part. Well, he, the guy I thought he was or may really have been, died. And he killed me on June 16, 2008, and so I guess that's a death. Oh well.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

I really doubt I would ever get married again if I can somehow get out of this current one with as little collateral damage as possible. IT AINT WORTH IT...I hear waywards on here saying how hard it was to get out of an affair, I say TRY GETTING OUT OF A MARRIAGE!!! DUDE


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

My grandparents grew up in the 20s and Great Depression. He was 16, she was 13. First kid at 14, different time. He died in the 70's.

I was a teen when grandma died in '88. She was dying of cancer and her daughters took turns

watching her. My mom had Saturday shift...I checked in on her for mom... she was crying, holding a picture

of her and him, he had been gone 11 years. She said she was going to be with him soon.

She didn't know I heard her. THAT is what I thought M was. They had five kids, she worked sometimes,

but was mostly SAHM yet still tended the cows, chickens, garden, etc. I am certain they had arguments

but D was not ever a word uttered. My parents were "retreads" M in '66, D 30 days later (no lie)

yet again in '68 until he passed 20 years ago. I grew up, once M, always M... fight it out.

Mom's two older sisters.... M until death. I grew up thinking.... you make sure this person is for you....

because it is forever. But.... I digress... would M have been that strong if people in 1965 had all these

social media devices? Society had bowed to the conscience of "do what you want" but I still live by 

"life is no dress rehearsal." Maybe that is why I still refuse to get a smart phone with 816 apps.... refuse to text...

I still have three options.... email (no one does this anymore), phone voice to voice, or face to face.

If a female does not wish to date me for not having a smart phone or refusing to text (when we can clearly

talk over the phone)..... as Arbitrator would say "traverse along"


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Stick to your guns, Chuck. My h was never interested in getting cell phones until 2008, when he decided to get a set for my birthday. He slept with her the next day and they stayed attached to each other by phone from then on. She texted him while we were at my mother's funeral. 

Yeah, I WISH I could toss my iPhone in the creek. Unfortunately my work has us all wired and on electronic leashes. 

May your tribe increase Chuck!


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## Riptide (Nov 2, 2015)

[Today I have regained my composure and equilibrium, and am grateful for two things: one, I handled this the best way I could, and achieved my goal of the fewest possible regrets, and two, I didn't lose the opportunity to complete my dissertation, even though I had to keep pushing it off due to my own medical issues (some of which may have been exacerbated by the stress of him), *and I really CAN be what I was meant to be*. The author George Eliot said it is never to be what you might have been. So here I come!

That is the attitude Teddy. Keep that focus and tell it to yourself DAILY. Speak it out load to yourself when you are driving or going for a walk because their will be days where you look back and feel that sense of loss. The key is to maintain your focus and don't let those thoughts linger.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Thanks, Riptide!!!


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Dude007 said:


> I really doubt I would ever get married again if I can somehow get out of this current one with as little collateral damage as possible. IT AINT WORTH IT...I hear waywards on here saying how hard it was to get out of an affair, I say TRY GETTING OUT OF A MARRIAGE!!! DUDE


LOL, DUDE!! Your posting style and your straightforward no BS attitude reminds me of my cousin. Hey, this isn't REALLY Steve, is it? 

LOL!!

I plan to make it really easy for my h to get out of THIS marriage, but I don't know if his OW soon-to-be-new-wife will do the same. He thought he was in deep before. Holy moly!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

TeddieG said:


> Stick to your guns, Chuck. My h was never interested in getting cell phones until 2008, when he decided to get a set for my birthday. He slept with her the next day and they stayed attached to each other by phone from then on. She texted him while we were at my mother's funeral.
> 
> Yeah, I WISH I could toss my iPhone in the creek. Unfortunately my work has us all wired and on electronic leashes.
> 
> May your tribe increase Chuck!


Some jobs..... you have to have a smart phone, no way around it. A friend is in real estate and hates 

technology but... to remain competitive, he has to have one. If I sold real estate, yes I would too.

Don't get me wrong... sometimes it is needed. I know many who have to use one at work but.......

turn it off once work is over. Not turned back on until next morning, unless "on call" after work.

Others can't do without it for an hour. When the World Cup was played in 2014, I was at an Italian bistro 

with my then gf and her parents and brother. Huge family come in. 16-18 people. Were sat... after orders were

taken... ALL but three pulled out their phone and did... whatever. The three... they were the oldest and

from what I heard had flown in from Troy, NY to visit family. Maybe it's just me... but shouldn't the

family be ummmm "interacting?" My gf at the time and I had a running debate about technology.

I poked her.... pointed this out and said -exhibit 1-. BTW... one of the reasons we split up was... her using 

her smartphone day and night.

Smart phones are like alcohol.... they have a time and place. When you can't live without either... there's a problem.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

TeddieG said:


> LOL, DUDE!! Your posting style and your straightforward no BS attitude reminds me of my cousin. Hey, this isn't REALLY Steve, is it?
> 
> LOL!!
> 
> I plan to make it really easy for my h to get out of THIS marriage, but I don't know if his OW soon-to-be-new-wife will do the same. He thought he was in deep before. Holy moly!


I see his point and he!!.... I mostly agree with it. But one thing will always be 110% certain.... there

is NO way in he!! my XW will sour me from "maybe" trying it again. To steal my ideas, my thoughts... my future...

One may damage it temporarily but no one will ever.......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUhnD37UakM


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## Riptide (Nov 2, 2015)

Yeah smart phones, face book and all of these social media apps are a breeding ground for infidelity. Glad to see ****** ******* fall on its face. I can't believe the scum that actually thought that was a good idea to create a website for married people to cheat. What the hell is wrong with this world. You sure need to have a partner you can trust in this day and age because it is sure a lot easier to find people in the age of social media and smart phones.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Teddie G,
Aren't you working on your dissertation?
Sounds like things are going well for you.
When I went thru my divorce, I allowed myself a time to grieve.
I kept shortening it and when certain days wouldn't allow me to shorten it, I grieved like a well soon to be divorcee.

But all along, I kept thinking about what was going well in my life.

I don't know where I was going with this really except that, you sound and write like an amazing person!
A person who has the most amazing tools to write the next chapter of their life all inside your head and make it a real page turner.
I fully expect someone like you to be posting pictures of you in a cafe in Paris, you hiking machu pichu, etc...

I don't want pictures of you and a guy who is a victim and drags you down.

So we all have bad days and you are smart enough to know that there will be a few more tearful days my sister from another mister.
But use that brain and adventurous side of you to make the rest of life epic!

Live for you now!
I know you know, but sometimes it is good to hear anyway


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## Riptide (Nov 2, 2015)

How are you doing TeddieG? We are all pulling for you and hope you are staying positive.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You've been basically in limbo for the last 7 years? Since 2008? Once this is all behind you, you'll be so much better off. It's time to leave limbo and live YOUR life to the fullest! Good luck.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

TeddieG said:


> My divorce lawyer just emailed me the proposed final decree, worked out between her and my h's lawyer. I printed it out and didn't think it would have much impact on me, since I have been expecting this.
> 
> But the language is so nasty in one spot, and I am sure it is my h's muse (the OW) behind it. *It says "a state of irreconcilable incompatibility has arisen between the two parties . . . which has completely destroyed the legitimate aims of the marriage . . . and rendered its continuation impossible . . . "*
> 
> ...


oh, sweety.... big hugs to you...

I know you are hurting yet... the separation date is not important. Do you want to be with a person who betrayed you? A person who hurt you so much?

THe pain will go away.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

ne9907 said:


> oh, sweety.... big hugs to you...
> 
> I know you are hurting yet... the separation date is not important. Do you want to be with a person who betrayed you? A person who hurt you so much? NOOOOOOO!!!!
> 
> THe pain will go away.


It already is, thanks in large part to the support of all the folks on here. 

Thank you, ne!! You're a sweetie.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You've been basically in limbo for the last 7 years? Since 2008? Once this is all behind you, you'll be so much better off. It's time to leave limbo and live YOUR life to the fullest! Good luck.


YUP! I had so much fun reading stuff for my dissertation this weekend. And I'm going to buy some new furniture and toss the uncomfortable stuff he picked when he was in a stingy mood. !!!

THANK YOU!>


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Keepin-my-head-up said:


> Teddie G,
> Aren't you working on your dissertation?
> Sounds like things are going well for you.
> When I went thru my divorce, I allowed myself a time to grieve.
> ...


What a lovely post! One of the things I LOVE and CRAVE is peace and quiet, and hoo boy, is my life going well on THAT front! It's healing, too. 

I've been to Paris before and can't wait to go back. I have friends who divide their time between here, another country, and Paris (a lovely lady who used to teach here has an apartment in Paris and she and her husband spend time there in the summer). A cafe in Paris? Totally! Climbing Machu Picchu? Hmmmm . . but if I ever do I will think of you!!

Thank you so much for your support. Yes, i do know, but it IS good to hear it anyway!!


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## Riptide (Nov 2, 2015)

ne9907 - I love your Avatar. That is funny. Wish there was that magic door...future he we come


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Teddie, I think you are going to be much more than Ok after your divorce, and although it was a difficult process I think you will look back and be glad that you are where you are.
On the other hand as the saying goes 'karma's a b**** !' and it looks like your XH is marrying her, he'll regret it but that will not be your problem!
Good luck with your dissertation. What are you doing? Masters, PhD?


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Dude007 said:


> Yes it will end, AND it's there to HELP YOU!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It totally gets better. Once you get off the crazy train, life will feel amazing. Trust those who have gone before.

:big hug:


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

sapientia said:


> It totally gets better. Once you get off the crazy train, life will feel amazing. Trust those who have gone before.
> 
> :big hug:


Thanks! It is amazing to realize how many people have gone through it and came out the other side better. Great role models! 

@aine, PhD. It's taken forever because of eye surgery. A person can read or write while recovering from surgery, but not if they can't see!! The end is near!!!


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

sapientia said:


> .


Damn! I had wondered what I would do with the wedding ring! Good one!


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Teddie
I read this recent thread but I dont know much else. I can see similarities in our marriages and I wish you peace.
VH


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

TeddieG said:


> My divorce lawyer just emailed me the proposed final decree, worked out between her and my h's lawyer. I printed it out and didn't think it would have much impact on me, since I have been expecting this.
> 
> But the language is so nasty in one spot, and I am sure it is my h's muse (the OW) behind it. It says "a state of irreconcilable incompatibility has arisen between the two parties . . . which has completely destroyed the legitimate aims of the marriage . . . and rendered its continuation impossible . . . "


My divorce decree said that I was the cause of the divorce because I abandoned my ex-wife.

Which is technically true, but as anyone who has heard the story of how she treated me has said, I did the right thing.

So I don't care what the decree said. I know what actually happened in that marriage... as you know what happened in your marriage.

That's all that matters.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

technovelist said:


> My divorce decree said that I was the cause of the divorce because I abandoned my ex-wife.
> 
> Which is technically true, but as anyone who has heard the story of how she treated me has said, I did the right thing.
> 
> ...


Thanks, my friend. You're absolutely right.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

VeryHurt said:


> Teddie
> I read this recent thread but I dont know much else. I can see similarities in our marriages and I wish you peace.
> VH


Thanks, VH. Yup, LOTS of similarities, the biggest one being NPD. Outwit, outlast, outplay, my friend!


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

TeddieG said:


> Thanks, VH. Yup, LOTS of similarities, the biggest one being NPD. Outwit, outlast, outplay, my friend!


It is EXHAUSTING dealing with someone who is not reasonable whatsoever, always feel they are the victim. cannot see one damn thing through your eyes and you know the rest ...............


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Teddie...... may your STBXH be locked in a closet with.....

1-Ethel Merman Live Greatest Hits CD
2-Colony of fire ants
3-A tweeked out coke head telling him her life story 127 times
4-Radio podcast of Donald Trump telling how much money he has... over and over
5-Bootlegged porn tapes of Linda Tripp and Janet Reno ummmm ... use your imagination


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> Teddie...... may your STBXH be locked in a closet with.....
> 
> 1-Ethel Merman Live Greatest Hits CD
> 2-Colony of fire ants
> ...


Chuckie my friend, just catching up. This is SO funny. NONE of these things are as bad as the reality of living with his OW. Oh, and I just posted. They got married in October. He wasn't divorced from me yet, so now he is a bigamist, a felony, which could result in five years in prison. Should I let anybody know? LOL! I'm taking great delight in the fact that their marriage isn't legal or valid, and I think it proves he really DIDN'T want to marry her, but he didn't have the balls to tell her we are not divorced. 

Man, did I dodge a bullet or what?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

OMG..... you have a magic bullet there.... you do know that?

Can you inform OW of that? She will give him he!! over that!

Funny thing is.... the OW will be mad at him for not being honest....

Noooo way LOL! OW got what she wanted and... what she deserved.

When I was going through my D three years ago.... I kept thinking

rational... doesn't work in these situations. When I profiled my STBXW

everything made sense. I gave her a one last chance ultimatum two 

weeks before the 60 day wait was up. If she chose A..... leave door open.

B...... game over. She chose B. In a way... my D date was that day.

I was almost detached to that point..... then it flowed outward like the Nile.

I'm glad to see you are holding up well.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

@Chuck71, I'm relieved. For the last 7 years, there were times I thought *I* was the crazy one. And you're right, rational doesn't work either. I knew he had mental health issues, but who marries the OW (after she gave him an ultimatum, of course, marry me or leave me alone forever, and had her family there to pile in too) BEFORE the divorce is final? Couldn't have told her it was in progress, and the law here is that you have to wait six months after the decree to marry someone else? 

Yeah, they both got what they deserved . . . an OW for whom the rules do not apply, and a guy who is such a con man he thinks he can take risks with five years in prison. Wow, just wow. 

Kinda wishing my divorce HAD been final just in time for Thanksgiving, but I'm grateful ANY day of the week to be out of THIS melodrama. Holy guacamole.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Egh.... two control freaks.... let's see how that plays out LMFAO

Here's a good laugh.... my pop D a woman in GA one day and M a woman in TN the NEXT DAY

I think you can not re-marry in TN for 30 days.

But in pop's defense.... it was the 60's.... and before he met mom.


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## kimberl6 (Nov 30, 2015)

Pluto2 said:


> Oh Teddie, sending hugs. The timing was a little different for me. When I received a filed copy of the divorce complaint I just bawled like a baby, and I'm the one who filed.
> 
> The hurtful language you referenced reads a bit more like legaleez than vindictive marriage. Pull up the divorce statute in your state and look for grounds for divorce and I bet you find language that's very similar to what's in the order.
> 
> ...


I am in limbo with my divorce and just want it over. I found out after my husband denying it for almost a year that he had at least 2 affairs possibly 3. He screamed and yelled he wanted out of our marriage and now will do nothing, not communicate, nothing!!!! which is how he was in our marriage. I am just stuck here and hes living with his girl friend. I just want mine done!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

kimberl6 said:


> I am in limbo with my divorce and just want it over. I found out after my husband denying it for almost a year that he had at least 2 affairs possibly 3. He screamed and yelled he wanted out of our marriage and now will do nothing, not communicate, nothing!!!! which is how he was in our marriage. I am just stuck here and hes living with his girl friend. I just want mine done!


180 / NC below

The Healing Heart: The 180

Reverse the genders

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html

180 / NC

Going No Contact. And Staying No Contact. - ChumpLady.com

CWI must read

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

Kimber..... I'm sorry you are here


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