# My wife's fantasies



## LatexLover (Oct 12, 2014)

Hello, i am hoping you all might be able to help me with a question. My wife and I have been married for 26 years. We've had or ups and downs but we work hard to try and make things work. I have always been fairly open with her regarding my sexual wants and fantasies. She is fairly accommodating and seems to enjoy sex with me. But recently I read that most women have fantasies that they rarely share, even with their spouse. I asked my wife if she had any fantasies that she has not shared with me and she indicated that she did. I asked her if she would share them with me as I would very much like to help fulfill them to whatever extent I can and within the rules of our marriage. But since I've asked she doesn't seem to want to share them. I have asked a few times and at times when it was appropriate but she does not refuse to tell me but she also won't share any part of them. We do role play and I know many of her likes as well but her fantasies seem to be of limits.

The reason i am here asking is because I wonder if something from our past is part of her fantasy and why she does not want to share. She had an affair many years ago and I worry that her not wanting to tell me about her fantasies is because it includes her old lover or because it includes other people that she fears might hurt or anger me in having that type of fantasy. I've tried to assure her that if that is the case I wouldn't be mad or hurt.

So here is my question........ can any women here offer me insight as to why she is being so private about it and can anyone here offer any advice as how to make her comfortable enough to share them with me?

THANKS VERY MUCH!!!!!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Why tempt fate on this?

You've asked...she wont share. Let it go?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Of course you would be mad or hurt if it involved an old affair partner.

You are trying to "get" something from her. Women hate this.


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## ILuvTheDesserts (Aug 29, 2014)

It may be a fantasy that is way out of our society's definition of " normal " and she's embarrassed by it ?? Those are often deep inside their minds where it's probably best left for her to enjoy just for herself ?? 

As said earlier .... why tempt fate ??


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

It doesn't hurt if she has private fantasies that she doesn't want to share with you. We all need a bit of privacy, even those of us who are married.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Men have fantasies they will never share with anyone too, it isn't a gender specific thing. I'm sure you haven't revealed everything that goes on in your mind to her.

Fantasies are not always things people want to act out. Some just stay safe right there in your mind forever.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Some things are better left not said. There is no need to know every thought she has is there?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

i am not sure the "leave it alone" is the right way. Lets say she has a violent rape/abduction fantasy. Lets say it is strong enough that she is cruising brutal websites and masturbating to it. I could see that she would not want you to know. But lets say you found out....it would be a really simple thing to role play it...come in the back door with a ski mask on, tie her up, do her on the kitchen table, make her act like your sex slave, then after she has orgasmed over and over from it, you untie her and both laugh about it. No harm done, and she is shaking all over from multiple orgasms.

how do you find out what it is though? If she is not talking, i guess you can see what sort of porn she is looking at and get a clue. Or maybe just after she cums, her defenses will be down, and you can ask her again....tell her you want to role play her fantasy right then.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I agree with the idea that you asked, she has declined and so you let it go. Anything more, probably ends up with feeling like pressure from you and having her withdraw. 
Sadly, I think maybe 1% of marriages are of the "Its perfect! I wouldn't change a thing" variety. All the rest have some percentage of good and bad, needs fulfilled and needs unfulfilled. If things are generally good, then focus on the that as much as you can and don't let your unfulfilled needs weaken your position in the marriage.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP:
have to say...sounds like her fantasies can and do go outside the normal rules of marriage, which she has in the past been willing to turn into reality. since her adultery I'm wondering what problems in your marriage are the result of her respecting you too little - i.e. par for the course - and you respecting her too much (by staying with her)


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Either she doesn't want to hurt your feelings

Or she's worried that you might hurt hers.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

LatexLover said:


> I asked her if she would share them with me as I would very much like to help fulfill them to whatever extent I can and within the rules of our marriage. But since I've asked she doesn't seem to want to share them.


She won't share them because she doesn't want to actually act them out. They work as a fantasy, but wouldn't in reality. Or they would cease to be a fantasies anymore, and would lose their erotic power.


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

Simple your wife's fantasy are not within the rules put forth in your marriage! For her to share would be frustrating. She knows you can't handle her fantasies. Leave it alone unless your looking for a fight. 

Ask her to play along with your fantasies and leave it at that.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

or they are out of mainstream and she doesn't feel comfortable to share. Or is not even sure she wants to act on them. Or she is fantasizing about an orgy, etc. 

Let her keep her secret.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

If there is no problem, don't go around creating it!!!

Let her fantasies be where they belong, IN HER HEAD.

Chances are HIGH that you don't want to know.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

DoF said:


> If there is no problem, don't go around creating it!!!
> 
> Let her fantasies be where they belong, IN HER HEAD.
> 
> Chances are HIGH that you don't want to know.


I couldn't agree more. I've managed to reach my mid fifties before getting married and sharing a home with a man. I must say that in some respects I do find the lack of privacy a little trying now and again because I've spent all of my adult life with plenty of my own space. However, what goes on in my head is mine, my thoughts are private. I share what I choose to with others (mostly my husband as I spend most of my time with him) and the rest is mine, thank you very much. If somebody was dead set on finding out what was going on in my head when I'd made it quite plain I didn't want to share, I would be livid. OP, you need to respect your wife's right to having private thoughts.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Yeah, besides, what husband wants to hear that their wife want's to be gangbanged by bunch of random dudes......seriously.....

Keep it to yourself. Fantasies/Dreams are JUST THAT........NOT REALITY.

And if you want to make it your reality, get a divorce and do whatever you want.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

DoF said:


> Yeah, besides, what husband wants to hear that their wife want's to be gangbanged by bunch of random dudes......seriously.....
> 
> Keep it to yourself. Fantasies/Dreams are JUST THAT........NOT REALITY.


Well, maybe if such thought sparks her, one would watch a film of that type while entertaining each other, maybe with one or more toys added. Could be fun for both, mildly indulging for the fantasy, and safe and secure for all.

I don't see a problem talking about fantasies in a safe way that won't put off or alienate your partner. I'd love it if my wife shared thoughts she may or may not have so we can talk together about the possibility of indulging some way if both could be interested.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Redheadguy said:


> Well, maybe if such thought sparks her, one would watch a film of that type while entertaining each other, maybe with one or more toys added. Could be fun for both, mildly indulging for the fantasy, and safe and secure for all.
> 
> I don't see a problem talking about fantasies in a safe way that won't put off or alienate your partner. I'd love it if my wife shared thoughts she may or may not have so we can talk together about the possibility of indulging some way if both could be interested.


You are asking for trouble.

I simply assume she would. We watch porn together....and I assume she has those fantasies and do my best to add toys etc.

But I'm not sure i want to hear the details of her fantasies, and I doubt she would want to hear mine. Again, lot of these fantasies/thoughts come up out of nowhere in our brains.

I usually do my best to deflect them. And also, just because it comes to my brain, doesn't mean I WANT IT. 

Noticed my brain throws all kinds of weird **** at me, so I do my best to deflect it....I hope my wife does the same........

Letting that out is probably not the best......but whatever floats that boat.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

DoF said:


> And also, just because it comes to my brain, doesn't mean I WANT IT.


Absolutely understood. Not everything that pops in the mind needs to be explored. Some things might be entertaining though.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Probably saving your ego from bruising.

My money says it involves a bigger johnson than yours.

Stretch


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Redheadguy said:


> Absolutely understood. Not everything that pops in the mind needs to be explored. Some things might be entertaining though.


Sure, just be careful with sharing it.

Keep the best interest of your marriage as a priority, which should automatically overwrite your "fantasies and thoughts".


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Stretch said:


> Probably saving your ego from bruising.
> 
> My money says it involves a bigger johnson than yours.
> 
> Stretch


Great example

What you don't know OP, can NOT hurt you.

Another example, do you really want to know that your wife might want to bang bunch of black dudes with foot long penises?

OR is it that you are hoping that HER fantasy would allow you to explore yours? I will tell you right now, yours and hers are probably VERY opposite.



And then there is the whole "once something is said, it cannot be unsaid".....you are stuck with it.

I can go on and on, but the best advice I can give you is keep your dreams/fantasies where they belong.......in your brain, you know? the very thing that your wife does cause she respects you and knows that to let that out would be WAY out of line and inappropriate.

It's no different than sharing your sexual past with a men, it will only do harm!!!!


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## poolboy (Sep 3, 2014)

seems most think sharing fantasies is a bad thing. i've been married 3 decades and would be bored to distraction if i/we haven't been fulfilling many of our fantasies together. share some of yours, incorporate them into your play and maybe she'll open up some of hers. at the least, you can have some of your own fantasies realized.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

So, has she shared her fantasy, and you found yourself hog tied upside down in the closet yet??


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> So, has she shared her fantasy, and you found yourself hot tied upside down in the closet yet??


or worse yet maybe a sexual fetish - Stanley Steamer

I wouldn't Google it is way out there


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

convert said:


> I wouldn't Google it is way out there


yep, you were right about that one.

How about a PLEASANT fetish. Like your wife tying you up, and throwing tootsie rolls at your wang?


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

Maybe some bracelet ring-toss game?


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