# 180 working!!



## tiptoe1969 (Dec 31, 2011)

Husband and I are now separated after 1 year of his indecisiveness in regards to cutting it off with the OW. I decided to file the divorce papers and he has been served. He has found an apartment and I have not contacted him for over one month. Only text him about schedule of kids.

I am starting to feel good and have started to re-focus on work and kids. I have signed up for a motorcycle class and trying things I wouldn't have done before. I have even started to go to church and joined a celebrate recovery group. I still have my bad days but getting better (actually enjoying my time alone when husband has the kids).

Got a strange text from my husband today. He asked me if I felt that he abandoned us. My reply was "yes". He then thanked me for my honesty and said that it hurt to hear that from me but the true hurts and he has to live with it.

Later he asked if I wanted to go out to have a drink. I am not sure what he is doing? Do I go? I am starting to get to a good place will this make me take two steps back. I do want to hear what he has to say but I may not like what he has to say. Need advice.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

You are now much more valuable for him. You're not just there anymore for him. Do you still love this guys? Are you 100% sure that after 1 year of not knowing north from south he finally made up his mind? Are you comfortable with the idea of getting back? 

If the answer to any of these questions is no then i personally say that you should not be wasting your time with this joker. The fact that it was him contacting you proves your worth. You are valuable as a person and frankly you quite probably deserve a lot better than what you have been having.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

There should be no harm as long as you are able to maintain your emotional detachment and not give in to any demands or requests from him without thinking them very thoroughly. But it is your call.


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## tiptoe1969 (Dec 31, 2011)

Thanks for the advice. I feel confident but because of my love for him i may not be able to maintain my emotional detachment. I guess this will be a test of my true strength and confidence. I haven't responded I will probably wait until tomorrow.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Why would you have a drink with him? He's not worthy of your friendship. Think Al Pacino in Godfather Part III. You're trying to get out and he's trying to pull you back in. I would take a pass. (Unless you're holding out hope for getting back together with him, which I think would be a mistake -- but it's ultimately your decision. Good Luck.)


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## FRANC (Mar 2, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Why would you have a drink with him? He's not worthy of your friendship. Think Al Pacino in Godfather Part III. You're trying to get out and he's trying to pull you back in. I would take a pass. (Unless you're holding out hope for getting back together with him, which I think would be a mistake -- but it's ultimately your decision. Good Luck.)


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ask him when and no matter what he says, be busy. Recommend a day time meeting, if you want.

But he cheated. You really want him back? He just knows he effed up and lost you-- you aren't begging and feeding his ego anymore...so he's dragging you back in.


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## FRANC (Mar 2, 2012)

Apologies for the blank reply....

What about speaking on the phone first to ask him if he has something specific he wants to ask or tell you...then you might be able to determine motive. 

If you want to maintain your progress, i would think twice about meeting. It is highly likely he doesnt just want to meet for a chit chat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Ten to one he will want to apologize "for the hurt" and be your friend. He will in no way offer any real remorse and it will all be about him and his guilt. Don't buy into it.
When he starts. Just raise your hand and shut it down. It will all be be about him.
Just for kicks.. Count the number of times he says "I"


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

Obviously he is having a rough time and can see from afar what he has lost. Living well is the best revenge and that is what you have done. He wants to make HIMSELF feel better about what has happened. Youre an adult. If you think your family can work again ...have a drink with him. I would put him off for awhile though.


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## tiptoe1969 (Dec 31, 2011)

Thanks all for your feedback and insight on his text message. It is always nice to hear from others looking in cuz when you are in it you don't see as clearly.

I decided not to meet. I am not ready. I really feel good about that decision. I know in time that day will come.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

tiptoe1969 said:


> Thanks all for your feedback and insight on his text message. It is always nice to hear from others looking in cuz when you are in it you don't see as clearly.
> 
> I decided not to meet. I am not ready. I really feel good about that decision. I know in time that day will come.


I think you made the right decision.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Do what your brain tells you here. This is a situation where your heart is stupid and your brain is smart. If you are open to having him back in your life you should treat it as you are meeting for the first time after spending a whole life time apart. Don't back down, don't let your guard down, and don't let him back in until your head AND heart are sure you are ready to move on.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

Good girl !


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