# I need to fix it before its too late



## jgmlasvegas (Feb 6, 2011)

I have been married for 8 years, have 2 children. I have add, I cannot take medication because of a heart problem. I am currently in counseling but have never stuck to it consistently. I have a greater problem of a great inability to communicate well with my wife. I was raised in a very sheltered evniorment where feelings and emotions were not expressed. 

I am using charts adn checklists to try to imporve mysleft for my family and my marriage. My wife has been unbelievably patient through all of our problems. She has reached a point where it is nearing where she wants to leave me. Obviously there is a lot more detail but i wanted to know if anyone had any advice as to where to begin. I often feel really overwhelmed and end up not progressing or frixing the mistakes I have made in the past.

I do not want to rely on my wife to also be my counselor. I want her to be my spouse and companion in life where she doesnt feel like she is taking care of another kid.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

"but have never stuck to it consistently."

There you are. Change takes constant commitment. All you can do is keep trying, keep improving, no matter what happens. It is never "too late." There are worse things in life than divorce, remember that. If you build it into the most horrifying thing you can imagine, your anxiety will make change harder. So focus on the fact tha YOU WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON. That will always be a good thing, no matter what. 

It's good you don't want to be another kid for her to take care of, 'cause that will kill her attraction to you. Take responsibility for one new thing and get it right before you try to add something. Slow and steady wins the race. If you try to fix everything at once, you will gt overwhelmed. You might discuss together the things to target, making sure what you choose is important to both of you. And be patient with yourself. Dwelling on goof-ups won't help; just try to do better most of the time, at least more of the time than not. Improvement can be as important--during the process of change--as getting where you want to be.


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

Work on being a better man, husband and father. And make your family your number on priority. However, do not completely ignore the realities of your situation. 

You do not want to be so consumed by improving yourself that when you feel you are a better person, your wife already left because you forgot about her; then its too late.

Try to find a balance between improving yourself and paying attention to the dynamics of family life. This is exactly what I am doing so that is why I am giving you this advice. 

So far no improvement in my situation, but I feel its the best way to proceed for me. If it ends, I will be better prepared to move on and be a better person than I was. This keeps me going.


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