# Husband seeing his ex-girlfriend



## confus28 (Jul 16, 2009)

I checked my husband's emails and discovered that he has been writing and calling his ex girlfriend. He recently met with her for lunch. There is nothing sexual in the emails and I feel terrible about spying on him, but I have had my suspicions. What do I do? We have three kids. How do I approach this, I have just been waiting, checking his emails every day to see if things escalate. I'm angry, sad and frustrated.


----------



## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Well now that you know you will have to bring it up. What you will need to say is that you know about it and tell him how it makes you feel. You can't demand that he stop it, just tell him how you feel.

But be prepared for the "you broke my privacy" response that most likely will come.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

So he met his ex GF, that does not mean anything happened. 
I don't think you should have been snooping.


----------



## SaxonMan (Apr 1, 2009)

That's the usual problem when you find out about things by nefarious means. It always makes me laugh when the response is "You shouldn't have been snooping". 
You were probably snooping because you were suspicious. Guess what? You were right. That blows the "shouldn't have been snooping" thing out of the water.

IMO, there is no way he should be calling his exes - and especially meeting them for lunch. That is extreme betrayal. If it was that innocent, he could have told you about it, right?

I guess you have two options. Tell him that you know - and face the consequences of the demands as to how you know, or keep your own counsel and watch the situation - give him enough rope, etc...
Trouble with the latter is that it's going to eat you up waiting and knowing that he's hiding stuff from you. It will affect your relationship.

I have been in exactly the same situation. In the end, my way of dealing with it was to let her know that I knew, but not tell her how I knew. 
Not ideal, but you shouldn't be put in that kind of situation in the first place.

Think of it this way. He's the one creating the situation by going around behind your back, so you owe little in the way of justification.
Your results may vary...


----------



## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

My dh has been a secretive person from the day I met him. If I didn't snoop, I'd know nothing about him at ALL. 

We have been married 24 years, together 27 and he STILL hides even his JUNK mail like a squirrel storing up for winter. Is the FUNNIEST thing to me.....because I grew up with four sisters...NOTHING was secret or sacred.

And I truly don't mind the way I grew up. My dh just knows this is how I am and he and I deal with each other OK when it comes to "snooping".


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

I don't care for snooping because it can cause a person to draw the wrong conclusions, which they often do. 

I have this neighbor who is a snoop, calls me with crazy comments all the time about what he thinks the neighbors are doing. Some of it is pretty outlandish. I guess that just makes me feel even stronger about why snooping is wrong. Drawing the wrong conclsions is often the result of snooping.


----------

