# He doesnt want me to use the toy, that he bought me?



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Scratching my head, here...

H bought me the Hitachi Magic Wand for valentines day last year.

We don't use toys everytime we have sex, but I do enjoy using them because it is the easiest and most efficient way for me to O during sex. I cannot O through PIV only and it takes a loooong time (like 30 mins, no joke ) for me to O with manual stimulation during PIV sex. I can O fairly easily thru oral.

Sometimes, when I know its gotta be a quickie (we have two kids, privacy is sometimes limited) I will bring out the wand. The wand is the only way I am able to time my O with his (read: not take an insanely long time) and I think its much more enjoyable that way. 

He instantly acts pouty about it and says "do we really have to use that thing?"

Which is a turn off.

What gives. He bought the thing for me. I don't use it often - only a hand full of times alone, I prefer to use it with him. Why buy it for me if you didn't want me to bring it out? Is it a blow to the ego? How do I help him get over that?
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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

Its an ego thing. Me and my wife use manual stimulation on her during sex alot because it really helps her but sometimes I just want to be able to make her O by myself. I have learned over the years though most of the time she is not into sex and the O aint happening then but it is a shot to the ego. Don't really know how to help him with that.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Weird. If anyone has the propensity to have a bruised ego it's me. And I love pulling out the magic wand. I do like to be assured once in a while (probably every 3rd time at least) that I can still get the job done without it. One thing with us is that she's usually the one to ask that we pull it out. The other day she told me that she wishes that I would be the one to suggest it so that she doesn't have to always be the one. So I'm going to work on that a bit.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

How often does it get used? Would you say 50/50? 75/25? 90/10?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hes beening silly in my opinion. as long as your not turning him down and using it when hes not around then he should get over it.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

hes beening silly in my opinion. as long as your not turning him down and using it when hes not around then he should get over it
not being critical but how would some of you women feel if your husband had to have a sex toy of get off when he is having sex with you? I think women have it a little easier on this. men are easy you show them some kitty and their reved up ready to blow


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I don't think I have ever brought out a toy of my own volition, because I know if he brought one out to help get himself off it would bother me sometimes. So I let him suggest it. If I kinda want to use one, I suggest it along with a few other things as choices and ask him to choose. He often chooses the toy.

But I don't have a problem having an orgasm during intercourse.

I also don't HAVE to orgasm every time.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

I also don't HAVE to orgasm every time. 

Me and my wife argue about this. It really bothers me if she doesn't orgasm and she tells me it's ok she enjoys it anyway. I have a hard time grasping that.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband says that too. It actually pisses me off sometimes, they way he simply has GOT to get me off no matter what. It's insulting, and I feel it's kind of selfish on his part. Does it make him feel like more of a man if I cum??

Since I brought this up a few months ago things are better, though. He's agreed not to try so hard, and I've agreed that if I DO feel like I really want to O, and he's already cum, then I will tell him and we'll do something else to finish me off.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

costa200 said:


> How often does it get used? Would you say 50/50? 75/25? 90/10?


If I had to try to give stats on our sex life...

75% are quickies. Meaning we will have 15-20 minutes for the act, start to finish. We've got a 2 & 3 year old that can't be left alone for long periods, and we both are usually not awake enough for night time sex. Although it does happen, just not as frequently.

Vibrator use is probably 25% of the time. During said quickies, my choices are - get off in five mins or less with help from vibrator (H orgasms in sync with me), get off in 15+ mins with oral, or forget my own O. Which I do choose sometimes.

I only go for my own O 50% of the time we have sex.

So if you can imagine, 75% are quickies. 25% of that time represents me achieving O within the quickie timeframe. The other 25% of my O's happen when we get to take our time. 50% of the time we have sex I am not orgasming.

Also, before H, I had never had an O with anyone ever. I was not a virgin, just wasn't able to get myself there with other guys - combination of me not trying and the guys not having enough patience. So, I have never experienced an easy O , but my H is by far the best I have had.

It irks me because sometimes I will go into sex thinking eh whatever, I am perfectly happy not orgasming this time. Then ill get really revved up and think, no way I want to get there now. Then if I break out the toy bc I know its easy and guaranteed O, he pouts.
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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

homebuilder said:


> hes beening silly in my opinion. as long as your not turning him down and using it when hes not around then he should get over it
> not being critical but how would some of you women feel if your husband had to have a sex toy of get off when he is having sex with you? I think women have it a little easier on this. men are easy you show them some kitty and their reved up ready to blow


reread her post she said she only asks to bring it out every once in awhile during quickies.

or maybe he could go down on her more often. 

some people have too many hang up about sex. IMHO sex should be fun exciting giving pleasure to each other. If my wife said my orgasm are stronger if you lick my ear while pinching my belly botton then she would have a wet ear and a red belly botton!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

The reason i asked is because if you were using it all the time then i understand where he was coming from. But anyway, he seems to really have an issue with it. Which is weird, since he was the one who bought it. Maybe he was expecting that you would say something like "i prefer the real stuff"?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> My husband says that too. It actually pisses me off sometimes, they way he simply has GOT to get me off no matter what. It's insulting, and I feel it's kind of selfish on his part. Does it make him feel like more of a man if I cum??


Of course he does Hope... In the middle of it he wants to think of himself as some sort of sex god. When you don't peak he finds it hard to justify to himself why his godly powers have deserted him


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Well I was kind of surprised he bought it. When we first got together I had s small toy collection of ny own, which included a small vibrator that I introduced occasionally during sex. He was never fond of it because the toy was kind of a hard jabby shaped thing and he said it would rub him uncomfortably. The thing eventually broke (it was a cheap-o) and I never replaced it. We went years without toys, the ones I had were solely for my own use (and that was rare), and then he bought the wand...and told me it was to replace the one that broke years ago. He has said he enjoys the feeling himself. I don't get it.
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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

My husband says that too. It actually pisses me off sometimes, they way he simply has GOT to get me off no matter what. It's insulting, and I feel it's kind of selfish on his part. Does it make him feel like more of a man if I cum??

Since I brought this up a few months ago things are better, though. He's agreed not to try so hard, and I've agreed that if I DO feel like I really want to O, and he's already cum, then I will tell him and we'll do something else to finish me off. 

just curious. I think from a man POV it's kinda like the size issue, we grow up in an enviroment around other males and they embelish everything and you feel like you have to live up to some standard to feel like a man, but what if you and your husband were having sex and you orgasmed and he said let's stop just don't think it's going to happen tonight. how would you feel about that? just curious


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> but what if you and your husband were having sex and you orgasmed and he said let's stop just don't think it's going to happen tonight. how would you feel about that? just curious


Mwahahaha... that's a nice question!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

homebuilder said:


> My husband says that too. It actually pisses me off sometimes, they way he simply has GOT to get me off no matter what. It's insulting, and I feel it's kind of selfish on his part. Does it make him feel like more of a man if I cum??
> 
> Since I brought this up a few months ago things are better, though. He's agreed not to try so hard, and I've agreed that if I DO feel like I really want to O, and he's already cum, then I will tell him and we'll do something else to finish me off.
> 
> just curious. I think from a man POV it's kinda like the size issue, we grow up in an enviroment around other males and they embelish everything and you feel like you have to live up to some standard to feel like a man, but what if you and your husband were having sex and you orgasmed and he said let's stop just don't think it's going to happen tonight. how would you feel about that? just curious


as you get older it happens more and more ....just happened the other night to me and thats exactly what I said.

after giving her oral and banging her for 45 mins and the bed soaking wet I just couldn't go anymore! even thought I didn't cum knowing I hit a home run made me sleep like a baby.

the next morn I came in 5 mins! lol


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

homebuilder said:


> My husband says that too. It actually pisses me off sometimes, they way he simply has GOT to get me off no matter what. It's insulting, and I feel it's kind of selfish on his part. Does it make him feel like more of a man if I cum??
> 
> Since I brought this up a few months ago things are better, though. He's agreed not to try so hard, and I've agreed that if I DO feel like I really want to O, and he's already cum, then I will tell him and we'll do something else to finish me off.
> 
> just curious. I think from a man POV it's kinda like the size issue, we grow up in an enviroment around other males and they embelish everything and you feel like you have to live up to some standard to feel like a man, but what if you and your husband were having sex and you orgasmed and he said let's stop just don't think it's going to happen tonight. how would you feel about that? just curious


I actually did this in my first marriage. Wow! I would suggest not trying it. Holy crap the questions I had to field. She was mad for days. Then she had to prove to me that I needed to O and she didn't. Of course, she was right. Don't try it unless you're ready to split.


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## farside (Oct 27, 2012)

costa200 said:


> The reason i asked is because if you were using it all the time then i understand where he was coming from. But anyway, he seems to really have an issue with it. Which is weird, since he was the one who bought it. Maybe he was expecting that you would say something like "i prefer the real stuff"?


:iagree:


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Re: my H stopping before he O's and saying he doesn't need to...

:shrug:

What's the big deal with that?

I would accept it. Heck, I might even jump up and down and say "Finally! YOU GET IT!!" 

It happens, its happened to us before. No hang ups.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

homebuilder said:


> what if you and your husband were having sex and you orgasmed and he said let's stop just don't think it's going to happen tonight. how would you feel about that? just curious


That does happen sometimes. Happened once last week, maybe one other time this year so far. No big deal really. If it happened ALL the time then I'd wonder if he had a medical issue or something.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

homebuilder said:


> but what if you and your husband were having sex and you orgasmed and he said let's stop just don't think it's going to happen tonight. how would you feel about that? just curious


That HAS happened with the meds that my husband takes - I TOTALLY get why he gets so insistent about making sure I finish. It freaks me out when he can't/doesn't finish.


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## Deepdivered (Dec 14, 2011)

I have been trying to get my wife to let me use a vibrator on her. Like the lelo Liv. She wanted to know why and I told her I'd like to be able to sit back and watch her as I us it and be able to see her enjoy it. She said ok to get it after she understood why I wanted to


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I have bought my wife a few vibrators. I know she likes them. But she has never asked to use them. The problem we have with them is the noise. Our daughters bedroom is right below us and she hears everything. The wand is too loud.

I bought a small vibrator (can't remember the name) that is quiet but still packs a lot of power. I will take it out and put it under my pillow or just hold it so it gets warm for her. Once we get started I will bring it out for us to use together. 

I have no problem using the vibrator when with her. I want her to feel as good as possible. 

I did have a problem with her using the wand every few days while rejecting me though.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

TCSRedhead said:


> That HAS happened with the meds that my husband takes - I TOTALLY get why he gets so insistent about making sure I finish. It freaks me out when he can't/doesn't finish.


Why does it freak you out  I don't understand that.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Why does it freak you out  I don't understand that.


To be honest, I think it's because we always see that men 'finish' when they have sex so the worry is that he's not happy or satisfied or something didn't go right.

It was something new/different in our relationship and caused me to wonder if it wasn't as good for him anymore. We've found that the heavy pain meds he takes can cause that to happen so sometimes he will delay taking them until after or let me know so that I understand why it doesn't happen.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

I'd suggest that you enjoy that wand when he's away, without guilt, and when he's around just enjoy his wand instead.


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