# I don’t understand men



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

If I am into you, you will know it. If I’m not into you, you will definitely know. I could never be physical with someone I’m not into. 

Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough? 

I went on a date 3 times with this guy and he made it really obvious that he wanted to be physical but that’s it. We did fool around a little but I made it clear I didn’t want to have sex (anytime soon). I am better looking than him, I have a nicer body than him. And I am insecure but not enough to explain why I got put in the friends with benefits zone and not the girlfriend zone. 

Please help me understand. I get that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that he is not the one for me, but I’m still bothered by it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

There could be many reasons. He is not ready for a relationship. He wants to play the field. He may see an incompatibility and/or dislike something about your personality, attitudes, or beliefs, and not see more than short term potential or FWB. Many people - men and women - are not as direct and clear as you are about how you feel and what you want. Don't overthink it - there's probably nothing to be concerned about here.


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough?


Lots of reasons, any or all of which could apply to varying degrees.

The real question I get from your post is why this guy behaved that way towards you specifically. The best person to answer that question is him.

So, ask him why.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Married but Happy said:


> There could be many reasons. He is not ready for a relationship. He wants to play the field. He may see an incompatibility and/or dislike something about your personality, attitudes, or beliefs, and not see more than short term potential or FWB. Many people - men and women - are not as direct and clear as you are about how you feel and what you want. Don't overthink it - there's probably nothing to be concerned about here.




The reason why I’m hung up on it is because I rarely like a guy and I really liked this guy. I know that there are plenty of fish in the sea but for someone I don’t like any of the fish.


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

Not all men are like that. And there are plenty of women who are like that. So I don't think you can make a blanket statement about one sex or the other. And you said yourself he made it clear that he just wanted physical, so it sounds like he didn't misrepresent his intentions. Don't take it personally and move on. There are plenty of good guys out there that you are compatible with.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> The reason why I’m hung up on it is because I rarely like a guy and I really liked this guy. I know that there are plenty of fish in the sea but for someone I don’t like any of the fish.


I understand this. I've dated women I've really liked, and saw great potential for a relationship. They did not,for unknown reasons. Very disappointing, but nothing can be done, except keep trying. In this case, he was probably only hoping for sex, and would have moved on soon even if he got that.

There were many women I'd have happily dated, but fewer than 1 in 100 were truly compatible, and had long term relationship potential. The sooner it's decided (by one or both) that it won't work, the sooner you can look for the next prospect, who _may_ be that great, lasting match.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough?
> 
> 
> Please help me understand. I get that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that he is not the one for me, but I’m still bothered by it.


It's not a man or woman thing. I'm a woman and, when I was single, I didn't want to date every man I wanted to have sex with. It had nothing to do with appearance or being "good enough" and everything to do with either A) me not wanting a relationship with anybody, but wanting to have sex or B) not being compatible outside of casual involvement. It's the difference between Mr Right Now and Mr Right.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It may have been a good thing, he was being honest up front. 

You two just weren't compatible at that time all things considered. 

Nothing personal there. 

I guess a question here, would you rather have had slept with him either way?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Just because you are better looking than him really doesn't matter. To him it's how you fall in relation to his other dating options, not how you are in comparison to him. As far as why he doesn't want commitment...well...that could be for a whole host of reasons. But at least he's direct enough to let you know what he wants and not lie to you. That IMO is the mark of someone that has options that are equal or better than you are (at least in his opinion), because if you were the best he could get and he was afraid of losing you he'd be more likely to agree to your relationship terms. 

Both genders will have purely casual relationships, so that isn't just a guy thing. Heck, I actually think more women do the casual thing to keep their options open far more often than men do it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

For lots of men and some women it's like hunting. Yep it's really that simple. Not all men are like that.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It is really that simple. Hunting has always been the prevailing analogy. 

The secret is out 😘


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> If I am into you, you will know it. If I’m not into you, you will definitely know. I could never be physical with someone I’m not into.
> 
> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough?
> 
> ...


I wish it were that easy all the time.

Many women give subtle clues. Many men don't read subtle clues correctly. Most relationship books make a point of this. The #metoo movement (which I support), says that a man should not make a move unless the woman says "yes". In my dating history, no woman has actually said "yes". I had to carefully interpret her comments, her body language and so on. I'm OK with being conservative about it - I've had more women stop dating me because I missed their clues that they wanted me closer. Even with being conservative, I've also had a few instances where I *thought* she was inviting more closeness (such as when she asked me to help her wash her hair, and to enable that, she stripped...but that was not, per her, an invitation for more intimacy)...so, I obviously make errors in my interpretation, and am happy that I try to err on the safe side.

You asked "Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough? "

Nah. It's because that's where the guy is in his life. And it's not just a man thing. I've known plenty of women who were up for a physical relationship, but did not want anything long-term or emotionally attached. Single moms, for instance, frequently want to focus on raising the kids, and don't want the complexity of a "new dad", but they still want to be pampered and sexually satisfied from time to time. Other times, it's been a career woman who wanted the freedom of being able to move about to follow her career, and didn't want to have to consider another person's needs in that process.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> If I am into you, you will know it. If I’m not into you, you will definitely know. I could never be physical with someone I’m not into.
> 
> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough?
> 
> ...


I'm a man, and never wanted to have sex with a woman I wasn't into. I don't get some men either. That's just how I'm built, and my girlfriends/wife have very much appreciated that. 

We're all different, and these differences aren't necessarily gender driven.

I have to add thought that I also don't get using the whole "who's better looking" thing as a criteria. There have been women who most would say are lower on the hot scale than I am as a man, but I'd be pretty hot for them nonethelss and what anybody thinks about our relative levels of attractiveness is irrelevant to me. Chemistry is so much more than who's got the better chance of making the cover of Maxim or GQ.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

"I am better looking than him, I have a nicer body than him"

Maybe he picked up on your thoughts like these and figured you weren't really relationship material, but as you say you are better looking and all that, so he figured he would at least try to bang. If you have an air of "I'm better than you" sort of like what you stated above, no wonder he didn't want a relationship with you.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I would move on of course and not give in the FWB. I'm sure he knows that you like him by now. If he asks you out again, go and have a GREAT time but that's it. I could never have sex with a man that I wasn't into, why bother? I'm sure he is into you-- 3 dates is a lot!! Some women don't even get asked for date 2. I guess some men like to be free and single and do as they please. Just go about your business and hopefully, he'll ask you for date #4


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough?


Its not hard to figure out. When people go to the Fair, they don't keep riding the same ride over and over. They go ride every one, you never know there could always be one even better, and then maybe after they exhausted all of them they will go back to the one that they enjoyed the most. But usually there are very long lines at the best ones, so its best not to be picky when you just need an adrenaline rush.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

It's very simple really. Men are different than women physically and emotionally when it comes to sex. They have a lot of testosterone and it makes them want sex the way you or I would get hungry and want to eat.

Women are more motivated by emotions like love and security to want to have sex. Which is in our best interest since we are more vulnerable as we get pregnant.

Some men want a serious relationship with a special person. Some men really do not. When I divorced my first husband he literally said "I don't want to be married, I just want to pursue a series of shallow relationships." Trust me - sex was involved in all those shallow relationships.

So here is a guy you dated who simply does not want a serious girlfriend. He wants to get laid. He might be more than happy to be your BF if you were putting out, but it would be because he wants steady sex and enjoys your company. You're not willing to have sex right away and he's not looking for something serious so why invest his time and energy in you when he could spend that time and money hunting for an easy piece of tail? 

You are lucky you didn't fall for him and get sexual and end up wasting several years of your life with him. I know it stings when someone is not taken by you (especially someone so physically inferior! WTH?! but he's doing you both a favor by moving on).







Girl_power said:


> If I am into you, you will know it. If I’m not into you, you will definitely know. I could never be physical with someone I’m not into.
> 
> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough?
> 
> ...


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> If I am into you, you will know it. If I’m not into you, you will definitely know. I could never be physical with someone I’m not into.
> 
> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough?
> 
> ...


It's as simple as not giving a **** about a woman beyond her body.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Maybe he felt that you were good for a roll in the hay, but really didn't want anything further out of you. There are lots of guys like that.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her?


LOL. You're kidding, right? I'm guessing you're a youngin'. 

There are guys out there who would have sex with a knot-hole in a fence if they were sure they wouldn't get a splinter and the neighbors weren't watching.

You're going to meet a whole lot of them that are only out for sex. At least this last one was honest and told you. Lots of them aren't that honest and will pretend they're interested in you until you have sex with them - then they'll do a slow fade on you because they're already onto their next conquest.

Those are the ones you REALLY have to keep an eye out for. Unfortunately there's no way to 'bell' them or tattoo them so you can avoid them. 
.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

WorkingWife said:


> It's very simple really. Men are different than women physically and emotionally when it comes to sex. They have a lot of testosterone and it makes them want sex the way you or I would get hungry and want to eat.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I understand what your saying but he does want a serious girlfriend he just doesn’t want me to be his serious girlfriend.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> I understand what your saying but he does want a serious girlfriend he just doesn’t want me to be his serious girlfriend.


It is exactly the situation everyone here is trying to tell you.

Drop him like a hot potato, and find someone who wants a steady, loving relationship.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

FieryHairedLady said:


> It is exactly the situation everyone here is trying to tell you.
> 
> 
> 
> Drop him like a hot potato, and find someone who wants a steady, loving relationship.




He’s dropped. I just need to find a new one Bc I’m still hung up on him.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> He’s dropped. I just need to find a new one Bc I’m still hung up on him.


How did things end, did he just ghost you?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

EllisRedding said:


> How did things end, did he just ghost you?




Essentially. I texted him a while ago about work stuff, he works in the same hospital as me and he responded nicely and that’s it. Crickets.

He’s a nice guy and he will like nicely reply if I text him (which I obviously don’t anymore because I got the hint) but he won’t ever text me first.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'd like to thank @Girl_power and @WorkingWife for letting us know that "physically inferior" men can Sting women who look better than us. I'll be walking a bit taller today (not literally, just emotionally). 
To Answer the question, well in this case the guy in question probably didn't have a girlfriend zone to put you in. Along with all the guys you have been warned about, there are also out there some guys who do prefer to have a stable committed relationship before having sex. @She'sStillGotIt , those men have been belled.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Just for the record the reason why I said that I was more attractive and whatever was to just rule that out. I know plenty of women who go after men who are way more attractive than them and don’t understand why they don’t like them. It wasn’t suppose to mean anything. And I understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but you have to be honest and understand that there are “ different leagues” and if people can’t admit that than I don’t know what to say. My point was to convey that he was not out of my league.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> Essentially. I texted him a while ago about work stuff, he works in the same hospital as me and he responded nicely and that’s it. Crickets.
> 
> He’s a nice guy and he will like nicely reply if I text him (which I obviously don’t anymore because I got the hint) but he won’t ever text me first.


Well, probably for the better to move on now than for this to be dragged out TBH. 

Honestly though, not really sure I follow what the issue is. I mean, I get that you did like the guy and is disappointed things didn't go further. As to why he wasn't interested, really only he knows. Maybe he was just solely in for the physical side and not the relationship side which sounds like once he figured that out, he bailed (if so, for your sake it is better that he bailed early on instead of leading you on until he got what he wanted). Maybe he is in fact looking for a relationship, but after 3 dates determined that you were not the one to pursue this with. This sounds like it is more likely the case based on one of your responses here. If so, I guess your question is "What did he not find relationship worthy about you"?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

EllisRedding said:


> If so, I guess your question is "What did he not find relationship worthy about you"?



Yes! This is what hurt my feelings, and I know that’s dumb and immature of me but it’s how I feel. Normally I have the opposite problem... guys usually love my personality and think I’m wife material but don’t find me attractive. So for this to be the opposite is weird to me. It’s more hurtful for some reason.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I think he actually did you a favor, he was open and honest about his intentions. Once you knew all he wanted was FWB, you should have just crossed him off your list. Speaking for myself I never saw my FWB relationships as meaning I wasn't good enough for more. Often it was women that were busy with grad school, or just starting their career, or just getting over a tough break up and want sex but not an emotional commitment, or even they just love sex and don't like being tied down. In any case none of it had anything to do with me at all. Its just their preference at that time in their life I didn't see it as a bad thing. Being offered FWB beats the heck out of being friend zoned. With that said be careful...sounds like the this guy has you intrigued because his interest in you is lukewarm. You are looking at this all wrong, its not about analyzing why he doesn't want to date you. Once he said FWB and it wasn't what you wanted, you should have been done with it altogether.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ReformedHubby said:


> I think he actually did you a favor, he was open and honest about his intentions. Once you knew all he wanted was FWB, you should have just crossed him off your list. Speaking for myself I never saw my FWB relationships as meaning I wasn't good enough for more. Often it was women that were busy with grad school, or just starting their career, or just getting over a tough break up and want sex but not an emotional commitment, or even they just love sex and don't like being tied down. In any case none of it had anything to do with me at all. Its just their preference at that time in their life I didn't see it as a bad thing. Being offered FWB beats the heck out of being friend zoned. With that said be careful...sounds like the this guy has you intrigued because his interest in you is lukewarm. You are looking at this all wrong, its not about analyzing why he doesn't want to date you. Once he said FWB and it wasn't what you wanted, you should have been done with it altogether.




I appreciate this comment thanks. Yea and that’s my problem, I have low self esteem and always revert it back to what’s wrong with me and I’m not good enough. It’s the way I naturally think which I know is messed up. I think at the end of the day I view him as the prize and I didn’t measure up.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

And to be honest I think my low self esteem and low confidence probably has a lot to do with why he is over me.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> Yes! This is what hurt my feelings, and I know that’s dumb and immature of me but it’s how I feel. Normally I have the opposite problem... guys usually love my personality and think I’m wife material but don’t find me attractive. So for this to be the opposite is weird to me. It’s more hurtful for some reason.


These guys tell you that you are wife material but aren't attractive enough?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

FieryHairedLady said:


> These guys tell you that you are wife material but aren't attractive enough?




Hahaha oh god no. It’s just something I pick up on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Men sometimes get an erection and... oh, sorry. I forgot what I was going to say! 

That can be a thing, but maybe you are meeting the wrong type of men? :scratchhead:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Girl_power said:


> If I am into you, you will know it. If I’m not into you, you will definitely know. I could never be physical with someone I’m not into.
> 
> Why can men be physical with a women but not want to date her? Is it Bc she is not pretty enough? She is not good enough?
> 
> ...


Assuming he actually desires a relationship, the connection simply isn't strong enough between the two of you to warrant it.

That's nothing to do with looks or quality, it's simple connection. If you don't have it you don't have it.

In the past I have met several incredibly beautiful women as well as admirable women of quality, sometimes both in the same package. 

Yet I never loved any of them until I found someone with something more; a real connection.

There's nothing wrong with you at all, you just have to accept that he's not compatible and move on.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Girl,

The post below is fair and honest. I clearly recall going on dates with a few women who were noticeably more attractive than me. 

I just didn’t pursue them if we didn’t “click”. Put me in a room with a half dozen women all of whom - make the grade physically - and it becomes solely about behavior. A 7 who has that magic blend of edge, restraint and humor crushes the 9 who doesn’t really have a lot of game. 

I read a lot of posts on here from men who seem to only be able to describe one positive aspect of their wives - her appearance. 





Girl_power said:


> Just for the record the reason why I said that I was more attractive and whatever was to just rule that out. I know plenty of women who go after men who are way more attractive than them and don’t understand why they don’t like them. It wasn’t suppose to mean anything. And I understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but you have to be honest and understand that there are “ different leagues” and if people can’t admit that than I don’t know what to say. My point was to convey that he was not out of my league.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MEM2020 said:


> Girl,
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I never understood what the numbers are supposed to be for. It seems a very arbitrary way to assign a ‘rank’ to a woman. If a ‘7’ crushes the ‘9’ for you then she is not a 7 but a 9 for you. If it’s the opposite for somebody else, then the ranks should be reversed for them (if they must rank them, which I’m not convinced that they do). Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. What am I missing. 🤨


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

MEM2020 said:


> Girl,
> 
> The post below is fair and honest. I clearly recall going on dates with a few women who were noticeably more attractive than me.
> 
> ...


Hear, Hear!

I could go on all day about my wife's appearance, but I could also go on all day about her wisdom, her character, her personality, etc. Were I not able to do both, she would not be my wife.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL. You're kidding, right? I'm guessing you're a youngin'.
> 
> There are guys out there who would have sex with a knot-hole in a fence if they were sure they wouldn't get a splinter and the neighbors weren't watching.
> 
> ...



I wish you could somehow impart your wisdom onto my daughter. Unfortunately she may look up to both her mummy and daddy as role models and mistakenly believe that people actually need to love each other first before all that kinky sex, instead of all the misleading and lying to get into someone’s pants.
I just cannot get it up if I’m not emotionally connected with someone but I have heard rumours that ‘real men’ are not like that.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> I understand what your saying but he does want a serious girlfriend he just doesn’t want me to be his serious girlfriend.



It’s possible he is using reversed psychology to get you to ‘turn’ him (to make him your challenge). Is he also acting all heartbroken (from a recent breakup), quiet and mysterious?
It’s possibly working...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The thing is....

What comes out of a man's mouth, may not line up with his heart.

His words and his intentions say, Hit and run. His heart may step in and trip him {belly flat down} in love.

Talk is cheap and the little head has all the money.

If the little head says "She's a keeper", the chase is closed.

If he comes sniffing around again, bed him down, take the little heads money.

You might be surprised.

If not, you will now be apprised of the real situation and his true intentions.

He may not want to waste his time on a maybe. A mature woman that likes a man will show it.

You showed him that he is not good enough to bed.

What you did was not wrong, however, it did leave you lonely and longing.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> It’s possible he is using reversed psychology to get you to ‘turn’ him (to make him your challenge). Is he also acting all heartbroken (from a recent breakup), quiet and mysterious?
> It’s possibly working...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




I thought this at first too, but he knows he has me where he wants me and isn’t doing anything about it. 

And yes he has had his heart broken and he played that “part” well.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

He just doesnt want you and you cant understand why. I bet if you texted him and he started texting you non stop, asking how you are, asking about your interests and all that jazz you would get bored with him real quick. Instead he has the IDGAF attitude and it eats at you. What makes this cat tick? Does he really have so many options, he doesnt even care to play by your rules. He just doesnt have the scarcity mindset that sends females fleeing in flocks.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> I thought this at first too, but he knows he has me where he wants me and isn’t doing anything about it.
> 
> And yes he has had his heart broken and he played that “part” well.




Well, Occam’s Razor explanation would dictate that he probably is being extra cautious after his previous breakup then. Once you had your heart broken, you are not going to dive into this stuff again anytime soon...Sometimes never. Some people can only fall in love once (and only truly love that one person). This is especially sh1tty if it turns out to be the wrong person. And a lot of people seem to be self sabotaging and tend to fall in love with the wrong person for some reason.

I doubt it’s about you so don’t worry about your league  Even if he met the love of his life, if it is the wrong time for him, he will not notice them.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> Yes! This is what hurt my feelings, and I know that’s dumb and immature of me but it’s how I feel. Normally I have the opposite problem... guys usually love my personality and think I’m wife material but don’t find me attractive. So for this to be the opposite is weird to me. It’s more hurtful for some reason.


Thats just people being nice. How old are you? If you are wife material, wouldn't you be scooped up by now? I'm not trying to be mean, but this is a question you need to ask yourself. 

I disagree that if you find fault in yourself that is a bad thing. I'm not seeing signs of low self esteem in posts like this one I'm quoting or saying stuff like "I was out of that guy's league in the looks department." 

Also, in terms of looks, no I've not seen a girl who is out of my league ever. I don't think they exist at all. In fact, ive never considered anyone out of my league for any reason. I might not be someone's type, but that has nothing to do with being out of their league. Last time i checked, we all breathe oxygen, need food and water, leave skidmarks in the toilet, and have all sorts of faults as humans. 

Perhaps you place others or yourself on pedestals at times. Even if you don't realize you are doing it, its easy for others to pick up on. Pretty big red flag for any mature person looking for a serious relationship.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Thats just people being nice. How old are you? If you are wife material, wouldn't you be scooped up by now? I'm not trying to be mean, but this is a question you need to ask yourself.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Im in my 30s and recently divorced. Yea maybe I do place people on pedestals... didn’t realize that was a big deal.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I disagree that if you find fault in yourself that is a bad thing. I'm not seeing signs of low self esteem in posts like this one I'm quoting or saying stuff like "I was out of that guy's league in the looks department."



I wouldn’t get so hung up on that sentence. Once you had your self esteem shattered by someone, that’s not an unusual kind of thing to say, given the context.



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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

inmyprime said:


> I wouldn’t get so hung up on that sentence. Once you had your self esteem shattered by someone, that’s not an unusual kind of thing to say, given the context.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Its telling on mindset imo. You are more focused on what you have to offer then who and what you are as a person. That is the pedestal I'm talking about. If you think this way, you are doing one of two things... That is conveying that you are better because xyz, or they are better because xyz. Either way, the partner is going to feel like you think you are superior, or that the other thinks you are superior thus putting pressure on them to live up to that. 

Everyone is equal. Not everyone is equally matched. If you think that way, not only does it weed out those who aren't a good match, but it also puts those who are potentially a good match in a position that allows them to just be themselves. Its not about who offers what, its about if you are a good fit. Using pedestals never works. You may thwart those who aren't a good match for you, but you also thwart potential good matches for you this way. 

Drop that thought process is my advice.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@Girl_power
Don’t feel bad I’m still trying to figure out men!!
I had a conversation a month ago with a guy that I dated years back- I ended the convo with- glad to hear your doing well, keep in touch. His response was- Do you still miss my big ****?
Well lol honestly I did, but the point I’m going with is that nothing came about it. To me why even ask if your not going to make good on it?
Yea- so when you figure them out could you let me know too 😜

Good luck to you!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Men usually do exactly what they want to do, and women make it more complicated.

If a man wants to spend time with you, he'll ask.

If he wants to have sex with you, he'll ask.

If he wants a relationship with you, he'll ask.

If he wants to marry you, he'll ask.

So, the person to be in charge of is you. 

You're plugging along, creating a great life for yourself, and all you have to do is respond to his interest in a way that aligns with your values and standards.

If you find yourself trying to sort him out or manipulate situations in order to get specific outcomes, then his genuine interest probably isn't part of the equation.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

minimalME said:


> If he wants to have sex with you, he'll ask.


All true. And with this bit (not really worth mentioning perhaps); with sex, he will ask a few times and if he continuously doesn't get it, he will most likely sulk.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> @Girl_power
> Don’t feel bad I’m still trying to figure out men!!
> I had a conversation a month ago with a guy that I dated years back- I ended the convo with- glad to hear your doing well, keep in touch. His response was- Do you still miss my big ****?
> Well lol honestly I did, but the point I’m going with is that nothing came about it. To me why even ask if your not going to make good on it?
> ...


That one is really not that difficult actually: any chance to have a ****-compliment ("****liment", is the Latin name for this disorder), is all that matters to our self esteem  
But there's a place and time for this. Did you not find it quite a rude and inappropriate thing to say? (Especially if you are currently with anybody).


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

minimalME said:


> Men usually do exactly what they want to do, and women make it more complicated.
> 
> If a man wants to spend time with you, he'll ask.
> 
> ...


Ok so what do you do when they want sex see message to girl_power and then don’t make good on it? Lol


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> Ok so what do you do when they want sex see message to girl_power and then don’t make good on it? Lol


You can ignore him or think of something clever to say, but it really doesn't matter. Those types of texts are purely an ego thing. He just wants attention. Doesn't have anything to do with the person he's contacted.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> Ok so what do you do when they want sex see message to girl_power and then don’t make good on it? Lol


How did you respond? Is the crucial part.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I responded with absolutely! Cause we did have good chemistry. So then he replied stating that some things needed attention. So I told him that we needed to get together. And crickets. If it was just for attention then why all that?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> I responded with absolutely! Cause we did have good chemistry. So then he replied stating that some things needed attention. So I told him that we needed to get together. And crickets. If it was just for attention then why all that?


Then maybe he is with someone and perhaps realised he was being inappropriate.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Possibility


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Sue4473 said:


> Ok so what do you do when they want sex see message to girl_power and then don’t make good on it? Lol


Sounds like he just wanted his ego stroked.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ok this is my problem... it drives me nuts when women give everything to the guy and ask nothing in return. For example, my friend is giving this guy sex, and boyfriend privileges and he is literally giving her nothing in return. He won’t commit to her, he won’t answer the phone when she needs him, he doesn’t take her out on nice dates etc. I get mad at her because she wants more from him and she will never get it. 

I was always taught to never give boyfriend privileges to FWB or whatever. It’s like the guy gets the good in the relationship without any of the negative and the women (who wants a commitment) doesn’t get it.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> Ok this is my problem... it drives me nuts when women give everything to the guy and ask nothing in return. For example, my friend is giving this guy sex, and boyfriend privileges and he is literally giving her nothing in return. He won’t commit to her, he won’t answer the phone when she needs him, he doesn’t take her out on nice dates etc. I get mad at her because she wants more from him and she will never get it.
> 
> I was always taught to never give boyfriend privileges to FWB or whatever. It’s like the guy gets the good in the relationship without any of the negative and the women (who wants a commitment) doesn’t get it.




If there’s something you don’t wanna put up with: don’t. You can set the rules yourself you know.
Sometimes it’s the reverse (especially once the marriage has been going on for a while): the guy works his arse off, pays the bills, pays for kids’ school and gets no sex. 
There should be the balance. Sometimes we are blindsided by love or dependance and there can be ‘users’ on both sides of the equation. 


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> If there’s something you don’t wanna put up with: don’t. You can set the rules yourself you know.
> Sometimes it’s the reverse (especially once the marriage has been going on for a while): the guy works his arse off, pays the bills, pays for kids’ school and gets no sex.
> There should be the balance. Sometimes we are blindsided by love or dependance and there can be ‘users’ on both sides of the equation.
> 
> ...




No I agree. It’s your fault if you tolerate bad behavior for sure.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> No I agree. It’s your fault if you tolerate bad behavior for sure.



Not so much your fault but you don’t really have to put up with it if you don’t want to.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Not so much your fault but you don’t really have to put up with it if you don’t want to.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




I think my frustration is when I hear other women putting up with stupid stuff. Enough though it’s their choice it just makes me mad.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> Ok this is my problem... it drives me nuts when women give everything to the guy and ask nothing in return. For example, my friend is giving this guy sex, and boyfriend privileges and he is literally giving her nothing in return. He won’t commit to her, he won’t answer the phone when she needs him, he doesn’t take her out on nice dates etc. I get mad at her because she wants more from him and she will never get it.
> 
> I was always taught to never give boyfriend privileges to FWB or whatever. It’s like the guy gets the good in the relationship without any of the negative and the women (who wants a commitment) doesn’t get it.


"Giving" sex is a messed up way of thinking about it. It's not like sex is a gift or is in limited supply. There's literally an endless supply of it with women that enjoy it, and since society has changed to where sex isn't reserved exclusively for marriage anymore it really doesn't have much intrinsic value. I don't even know what "boyfriend privileges" means. And sure he's giving her something in return...he's giving time and attention to her. It might be at a level that is less than what she wants, but it is happening and if she willingly accepts it knowing that's all she's going to get from him then she has nothing to complain about. All she'd have to do is say that she doesn't want that sort of relationship and walk away.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Bananapeel said:


> "Giving" sex is a messed up way of thinking about it. It's not like sex is a gift or is in limited supply. There's literally an endless supply of it with women that enjoy it, and since society has changed to where sex isn't reserved exclusively for marriage anymore it really doesn't have much intrinsic value. I don't even know what "boyfriend privileges" means. And sure he's giving her something in return...he's giving time and attention to her. It might be at a level that is less than what she wants, but it is happening and if she willingly accepts it knowing that's all she's going to get from him then she has nothing to complain about. All she'd have to do is say that she doesn't want that sort of relationship and walk away.




I get what your saying. She is naive though. She is unhappy in the relationship and wants more but doesn’t want to push him so she settles for this crap. She has low self esteem. She thinks he will “come around”. It’s none of my business but I have to hear her vent about it and it makes me sad Bc she will get hurt.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> ...my friend is giving this guy sex, and boyfriend privileges and he is literally giving her nothing in return.


She's not giving him boyfriend privileges. She's giving him _husband_ privileges.

And this is the core issue.

Historically speaking, men were willing to marry in order to have frequent, convenient access to sex. 

Now that women no longer require any sort of commitment, responsiblity, or obligation before sex, they're (women) finding it harder and harder to 'date', and/or find men interested in relationships/marriage.

Although it may be temporarily exciting, casual sex isn't in the best interest of women and children.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> Ok this is my problem... it drives me nuts when women give everything to the guy and ask nothing in return. For example, my friend is giving this guy sex, and boyfriend privileges and he is literally giving her nothing in return. He won’t commit to her, he won’t answer the phone when she needs him, he doesn’t take her out on nice dates etc. I get mad at her because she wants more from him and she will never get it.
> 
> I was always taught to never give boyfriend privileges to FWB or whatever. It’s like the guy gets the good in the relationship without any of the negative and the women (who wants a commitment) doesn’t get it.


If you define a relationship as a woman giving sex that she doesn't want to give in return for the man giving commitment that he doesn't want to give, you are not going to have happy relationships.

In a happy relationship, the man and woman give each other sex because they enjoy having sex with each other. The man and the woman give each other commitment because they enjoy being committed to each other. They go on nice dates together because they enjoy sharing recreation together. They communicate because they like to know about each other. 

You need to relearn what you were always taught. In a good relationship there are not negatives. 
I'm tempted to ramble on, but this is sufficient. Your post has really helped me to put together this thought. Thank You.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

minimalME said:


> She's not giving him boyfriend privileges. She's giving him _husband_ privileges.
> 
> And this is the core issue.
> 
> ...


Ssshhhhhh! You're going to upset the feminists. Who have adopted Amy Schumer and Stormy Daniels as heroes for the cause. A comedian who talks about having a worn out vagina from so much use, and a porn star who has sex with married men in order to get on television shows. The movement has come full circle. From "we should not be objectified" to "all we are is sexual objects and if you disagree you are **** shaming"

And yes, I am **** shaming. You should be ashamed of yourself for being a tramp.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

minimalME said:


> She's not giving him boyfriend privileges. She's giving him _husband_ privileges.
> 
> And this is the core issue.
> 
> ...




I 100% agree with you and this is why it frustrates me when women do this.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

minimalME said:


> She's not giving him boyfriend privileges. She's giving him _husband_ privileges.
> 
> And this is the core issue.
> 
> ...




That is very true. But then how do you prevent the other extreme: when some women use sex as currency to get certain things?

I think in the end it comes down do trust and communication within a committed relationship (I know it sounds like a cliche but still true...).

I have no idea about casual sex. Never done it and would never understand why a woman would want to get herself into this.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Ssshhhhhh! You're going to upset the feminists. Who have adopted Amy Schumer and Stormy Daniels as heroes for the cause. A comedian who talks about having a worn out vagina from so much use, and a porn star who has sex with married men in order to get on television shows. The movement has come full circle. From "we should not be objectified" to "all we are is sexual objects and if you disagree you are **** shaming"
> 
> And yes, I am **** shaming. You should be ashamed of yourself for being a tramp.


And it's just bizarre to me that women don't see this.

Their power and influence is found in saying no, not yes.

At least before marriage, after marriage it flips.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

minimalME said:


> At least before marriage, after marriage it flips.



It should, ideally. But why is the reality often the opposite? (Just read these forums).



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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

minimalME said:


> And it's just bizarre to me that women don't see this.
> 
> Their power and influence is found in saying no, not yes.
> 
> At least before marriage, after marriage it flips.


They are really sticking it to men and the patriarchy by having no strings sex with us. Boy oh boy, does that really hurt us men. Words can't express how damaging this has been for us. I cry for my fellow brethren every night thinking about this issue we face.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> That is very true. But then how do you prevent the other extreme: when some women use sex as currency to get certain things?





inmyprime said:


> It should, ideally. But why is the reality often the opposite? (Just read these forums).


In the past, it was before marriage that the power struggle occured. 

Of course, men have always wanted sex with no obligation, but culturally, this was unacceptable. 

And when a man is required to wait for sex, he gets to know a woman as a person, and this is important in terms of male devotion.

We've switched this dynamic, so now sex comes first. We're witnessing the consequenses.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> They are really sticking it to men and the patriarchy by having no strings sex with us. Boy oh boy, does that really hurt us men. Words can't express how damaging this has been for us. I cry for my fellow brethren every night thinking about this issue we face.


Exactly.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

inmyprime said:


> It should, ideally. But why is the reality often the opposite? (Just read these forums).
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Q: What food is guaranteed to reduce a woman's sex drive by 90%?
A: Wedding cake!

(okay, time for me to duck and cover now)


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Q: What food is guaranteed to reduce a woman's sex drive by 90%?
> A: Wedding cake!
> 
> (okay, time for me to duck and cover now)


People don't really discuss these things before marriage - that sex becomes an obligation. 

The majority just kind of seem to see it as this thing we can take or leave; push aside; treat as unimportant.

I like the way MEM talks about how he and his wife balance their needs and preferences. If one declines, then it's pretty much decided right then when it'll be made up. It's not allowed to snowball.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

minimalME said:


> In the past, it was before marriage that the power struggle occured.
> 
> Of course, men have always wanted sex with no obligation, but culturally, this was unacceptable.
> 
> ...


Getting closer. The key to power is not saying no, it is saying not yet, or better yet, only on my conditions.
I think your still not understanding male devotion. Too simplified. Possibly beyond the scope of this thread.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

minimalME said:


> People don't really discuss these things before marriage - that sex becomes an obligation.


We certainly did, the word "oxygen" was used in that discussion.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

minimalME said:


> In the past, it was before marriage that the power struggle occured.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



But I still don’t quite understand why in the past, no sex before marriage, meant lots of regular sex after marriage.
And now, lots of sex before marriage means very little sex after marriage?

I’m not sure I understand what what happens before marriage, has anything to do with what happens after marriage?

I can see that a man who is not really getting any before marriage but is promised sex after, would be more likely to marry quicker, to have more sex later. (It’s like dangling a carrot).

And I can also see how a man who is having lots of great sexual before marriage, will also be likely to marry that woman, thinking that this will continue. 

The risk looks the same in both scenarios for me? (From man’s point of view).


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> Getting closer. The key to power is not saying no, it is saying not yet, or better yet, only on my conditions.
> I think your still not understanding male devotion. Too simplified. Possibly beyond the scope of this thread.


Yes, you're right. 'Not yet' is better.

And it is beyond the scope of this thread/site, but is discussed in depth here.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

And this is why it frustrates me!!! Haha


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> But I still don’t quite understand why in the past, no sex before marriage, meant lots of regular sex after marriage.
> And now, lots of sex before marriage means very little sex after marriage?
> 
> I’m not sure I understand what what happens before marriage, has anything to do with what happens after marriage?
> ...


Well, in the past, sex within marriage was a given. I doubt a woman even gave a thought to saying 'no'. 

So, 'low drive' in the past was irrelevant. It was seen as a maritial responsiblity.

Now, sex before marriage simply discourages commitment and marriage in general, and women who are now 'equal' feel they have the freedom to push their spouse away.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

minimalME said:


> Well, in the past, sex within marriage was a given. I doubt a woman even gave a thought to saying 'no'.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You mean push them away after marriage, once they stop having sex?

But again, it seems that that’s more to do with how it is viewed now versus how it was viewed then. Women had no choice to have sex after marriage in the past, otherwise what would happen? Leave the wife?

What could he do then that he couldn’t do now?

Is it really the ‘sex before marriage’ that is at fault here? I can certainly see how a woman wouldn’t really get out anything much out of casual sex and can only see disadvantages but I cannot seem to connect ‘good sex before marriage equals less sex after marriage’ with the same line of thinking.
I realise that’s what often happens. But there must be other factors at play surely than the woman’s choice to want to have sex before marriage?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> You mean push them away after marriage, once they stop having sex?


I'm sure it could apply to both men and women (this was the case in my marriage), but I'm mainly talking about women pushing men away, because that seem to be more prevalent.

These days, women feel free to treat sex as an option. It's definitely not seen as a responsiblity or an obligation. Not by the majority.



> But again, it seems that that’s more to do with how it is viewed now versus how it was viewed then. Women had no choice to have sex after marriage in the past, otherwise what would happen? Leave the wife?
> 
> What could he do then that he couldn’t do now?


Seriously? 



> Is it really the ‘sex before marriage’ that is at fault here? I can certainly see how a woman wouldn’t really get out anything much out of casual sex and can only see disadvantages but I cannot seem to connect ‘good sex before marriage equals less sex after marriage’ with the same line of thinking.
> I realise that’s what often happens. But there must be other factors at play surely than the woman’s choice to want to have sex before marriage?


I think it's a combination of factors, but yes, I do think that if all women stopped having sex with men prior to marriage, we'd be seeing a different dynamic than we currently do.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Well I’m not letting him get away with any boyfriend privileges. He pushes by buttons in all the right way and a nice comfortable body that knows my body is far better than a vibrator lol

And that’s all it is. No I’m not with anyone at the moment and sometimes you miss the touch of another human being.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Also do you mean that women are better off now or they were better off before? 

Surely it’s not good to feel under pressure to have sex for anyone.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

minimalME said:


> I'm sure it could apply to both men and women (this was the case in my marriage), but I'm mainly talking about women pushing men away, because that seem to be more prevalent.
> 
> These days, women feel free to treat sex as an option. It's definitely not seen as a responsiblity or an obligation. Not by the majority.
> 
> ...



We would see a different dynamic but I am not certain it would necessarily be a better dynamic.

I don’t think sex before marriage is a bad thing. I think promiscuity carries a lot of risks (some for men, but mainly for women) but sex within a committed, respectful relationship is a good thing. 

Maybe it’s the institution of marriage that’s a ‘bad’ thing and should be disposed of at some point?

I mean why should so many things end once married? Why should men feel they should stop ‘pursuing’ their wives romantically and why do women feel they should withhold sex? (Massive generalisations here so all this comes with the usual caveats and disclaimers etc).

Maybe a relationship should continue to be viewed for what it actually is: something that is quite volatile, that needs to be continuously put an effort into and something that, when dissolved, carries the same risks for BOTH partners, in as equal measure as possible.
Putting some ‘stamp’ onto a relationship does not in any way make it ‘safer’ or less likely to dissolve, should it come under big strains.






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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

inmyprime said:


> We would see a different dynamic but I am not certain it would necessarily be a better dynamic.
> 
> I don’t think sex before marriage is a bad thing. I think promiscuity carries a lot of risks (some for men, but mainly for women) but sex within a committed, respectful relationship is a good thing.
> 
> ...


Being able to walk away at any time without legal repercussions would be a terrible idea for kids. The destruction of marriage and the family unit coupled with increased social services designed to encourage women to have children out of wedlock only hurts our kids and women the most. Marriage actually does make many people work harder to fix their relationships instead of just bailing the second things get difficult. 

All that said, I wouldn't mind if the government got out of marriage altogether. However I strongly disagree with the idea that marriage is a bad thing. Any simple search regarding children raised in single parent homes and the statistical categories they tend to fall into (high school drop out rates, drug use, crime rates, suicide rates...) and I don't see how you could arrive at the conclusion that marriage is a bad thing. Of course you can grow up in a two parent home without marriage, however without raising the stakes on your relationship, I believe the risk of walking away at the first sign of trouble becomes much greater. Especially with government provided incentive to just walk away. 

So then you must look at the costs and benefits of marriage. Because nothing is perfect. My T chart shows the benifits vastly outweigh the costs. Based on what I see, I cant figure why anyone comes to a different conclusion either.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Being able to walk away at any time without legal repercussions would be a terrible idea for kids. The destruction of marriage and the family unit coupled with increased social services designed to encourage women to have children out of wedlock only hurts our kids and women the most. Marriage actually does make many people work harder to fix their relationships instead of just bailing the second things get difficult.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I’m just thinking out loud. I don’t know what the best thing is universally. It’s so specific to each individual; sure for some people marriage is like prison and to others it is bliss.

For me personally, it would be just as difficult/impossible to just walk away whether I was married to her or not. Same for wife I would have thought. To me, it’s just an idea, a custom. Doesn’t really change anything.

Money wise: my wife has most of my assets in her name anyway (tax reasons). And I have spread things around (Child Trust Funds etc) so there is not really a need for a will. And I have enough should I end up on my own, as does my wife. Everything is straightforward.

Others, have different point of view:

https://youtu.be/3ZBxdqGo8oA


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Girl_power said:


> I understand what your saying but he does want a serious girlfriend he just doesn’t want me to be his serious girlfriend.


Well that sucks since you really like him, and I understand it is perplexing to you. I would ask him why if he's willing to talk, you may learn something useful. But understand that whatever he's looking for that is not you, does not mean there is something wrong with you. So you don't want to take the information (if he gives it) and try to change, unless it's something you know you need to work on.

Something I remember from your first post does make me think you might want to have a little more introspection. I recall you saying something like you are better looking than him and a couple other things where you compared yourself positively to him - like you believe you should be a catch to him.

I had a guy I was not really serious about say things indicating he assumed I wanted a guy who made more money, had more formal education. And I've seen other guys say that nonsense on dating sites -- I can't get a woman because I'm not rich. (No, you can't get a woman 'cause you're acting like a whiney little *****... but I digress...) 

My point for you is the things you are assuming he would value -- looks, career, whatever it was, probably have NOTHING to do with what he, or most other guys, are looking for.

I think the number one thing most people want in a relationship is to be with someone who makes them feel good. A guy who "feels good" based on looks and other "image" things is a narcissist and you don't want him. Looking good is icing on the cake, no guy's going to hate it, but that doesn't make a good match.

I'm guessing there is something in your personality that is just not compatible with him, like your sense of humor, or the things you like to talke about or how much you do or do not like to talk, the things you want to do for fun, your energy level, your outgoingness -- all these things can vary and are not good or bad, but just may not mesh for him. 

Or something in your goals/wishes - like you want pets and he doesn't, you want to live in the city and he in the country, etc.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

inmyprime said:


> I never understood what the numbers are supposed to be for. It seems a very arbitrary way to assign a ‘rank’ to a woman. If a ‘7’ crushes the ‘9’ for you then she is not a 7 but a 9 for you. If it’s the opposite for somebody else, then the ranks should be reversed for them (if they must rank them, which I’m not convinced that they do). Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. What am I missing. 🤨


That ranking is based soley on physical appearance. Like if you had just a picture of them how would you rank them looks wise.

Once you know someone, the interaction you have with them and how you feel when you are with them changes everything.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> I'd like to thank @Girl_power and @WorkingWife for letting us know that "physically inferior" men can Sting women who look better than us. I'll be walking a bit taller today (not literally, just emotionally).
> To Answer the question, well in this case the guy in question probably didn't have a girlfriend zone to put you in. Along with all the guys you have been warned about, there are also out there some guys who do prefer to have a stable committed relationship before having sex. @She'sStillGotIt , those men have been belled.


I don't remember what I said to indicate that, but they definitely can. Especially since "looks" have very little to do with what makes a man attractive/desirable.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

WorkingWife said:


> That ranking is based soley on physical appearance. Like if you had just a picture of them how would you rank them looks wise.
> 
> 
> 
> Once you know someone, the interaction you have with them and how you feel when you are with them changes everything.




I don’t know how to rank someone on looks alone. Using a photo? I have seen so many well-taken photographs of (to me) otherwise unattractive women that I know how deceptive this can be. There is so much more to attraction than just looks; how the person speaks and that ‘inner beauty’. My wife is stunningly beautiful but without her ‘inner glow’ and how she holds herself, she wouldn’t be a 12 for me.
I understand guys in highschool talk about rankings but surely any grown adult knows how complex and subjective attraction is.


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