# My new inlaws have a problem accepting me as their new DIL....



## onehotmama34 (Dec 25, 2015)

I have recently married my 23 yr old husband. I am 34 yrs old and we met three years ago while I was still married and I was his boss.I have three children ranging in age from 16 to 4. I left my marriage to be with my new husband and we have recently relocated away from his family to be near my family 8 hours away. They invited him home for the holidays but do not want me or my three children to come with him. I offered to let them come see us as I quit my job to be a stay at home mom and really do not have the money to send him back home on this trip but they refuse that also.This is beginning to cause problems in my marriage. How can I get them to accept me as his wife?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

They are looking at you as a predator, a cheater and gold digger. Good luck overcoming those obstacles.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> They are looking at you as a predator, a cheater and gold digger. Good luck overcoming those obstacles.


A gold digger? How much money could a 23 year old have? You were his boss, you are a lot older, you cheated on your husband, moved him 8 hours from his family to be with your family, have 3 children, aren't working now so your 23 year old husband is supporting your children and it looks like you married him so you wouldn't have to work. Odds are your marriage will not last so maybe they don't want to get too attached to your and your children. That is a lot of stress and responsibility for a 23 year old, he is a step dad to a 16 year old who is only 7 years younger than him? I don't think I would have quit my job if I were you, second marriages have a 70% divorce rate mainly because of the children. His parents are not going to accept you which will only add more stress and resentment to the marriage.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Happilymarried25 said:


> A gold digger? How much money could a 23 year old have? You were his boss, you are a lot older, you cheated on your husband, moved him 8 hours from his family to be with your family, have 3 children,* aren't working now so your 23 year old husband is supporting your children and it looks like you married him so you wouldn't have to work. * Odds are your marriage will not last so maybe they don't want to get too attached to your and your children. That is a lot of stress and responsibility for a 23 year old, he is a step dad to a 16 year old who is only 7 years younger than him? I don't think I would have quit my job if I were you, second marriages have a 70% divorce rate mainly because of the children. His parents are not going to accept you which will only add more stress and resentment to the marriage.


You answered your own question.


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

So he's going to support you while you stay at home looking after your kids???

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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

A gold digger is someone looking for a free ride, although men tend to be called the nicer term of "freeloader."


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

onehotmama34 said:


> I have recently married my 23 yr old husband. I am 34 yrs old and we met three years ago while I was still married and I was his boss.I have three children ranging in age from 16 to 4. I left my marriage to be with my new husband and we have recently relocated away from his family to be near my family 8 hours away. They invited him home for the holidays but do not want me or my three children to come with him. I offered to let them come see us as I quit my job to be a stay at home mom and really do not have the money to send him back home on this trip but they refuse that also.This is beginning to cause problems in my marriage. How can I get them to accept me as his wife?



You for real??

If your husband were my son I would have a problem with the fact that you are morally lacking in that you left your previous marriage to marry him. Not to mention that it sounds like you are doing nothing to contribute to his well being. I got news for you but the average 23 year old isn't exactly flush with cash. 


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I agree with the other poster, but you should get yourself a job children are old enough to not need you sitting at home all day unless one has a disability and requires extra care. You are on a long road to getting your in laws to accept due to the circumstances of everything that has happened with your previous marriage.

With him not being able to go home for the holidays these will be another hurdle they will not soon forget, I say get a job start helping him to provide for your children and get the income situation to where he can travel home for visits even if it is without you, for the time being.

They are probably worried about their son, and wonder what a 30 something has in common or is doing with a 20 something year old who is still wet behind the ears, and not sowed his wild oats.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

onehotmama34 said:


> I have recently married my 23 yr old husband. I am 34 yrs old and we met three years ago while I was still married and I was his boss.I have three children ranging in age from 16 to 4. I left my marriage to be with my new husband and we have recently relocated away from his family to be near my family 8 hours away. They invited him home for the holidays but do not want me or my three children to come with him. I offered to let them come see us as I quit my job to be a stay at home mom and really do not have the money to send him back home on this trip but they refuse that also.This is beginning to cause problems in my marriage. How can I get them to accept me as his wife?


I'd have a problem even if you were the same age. You met him while married, had an affair, he is now an instant father, he is now supporting 5 people, he is now supposed to be a parental figure and you moved him away from me. 

Also, the age is interesting is he from a well to do family? Unless you were his boss in a fortune 500 company, it is weird you'd want to quit with only his support. He makes good money doesn't he?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

"onehotmama34" OP your screen name says it all. Let me guess, your ex husband didn't give you the attention you "deserved" So you strung him along while cheating with one of your subordinates. I would bet you quit your job because the affair became public knowledge at the workplace and you were going to be terminated, or you were terminated, maybe your boy toy as well. Your husband found out and kicked you to the curb, but your boy toy who's caught up in a hormonal coma swore he would love you forever and take care of you and the kids, and because you were out of better options you married the poor kid. Also because everyone local knows what happened you moved eight hours away to an area where know one knows your history and you wouldn't have to face your embarrassment daily. 

Tell the truth hotmama, your affair blew up your world didn't it? Forgive his parents for not accepting you but they wanted a much different life for their son.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

For realz...?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I have a 21 year old son that hooked up with a 39 year old woman with 2 kids and no husband and no job. 

My son worked in the family business and went to school. Lived at home, made great money, had 2 vehicles, dirt bikes, quads and lots of free time. He also has a trust that pays him a modest stipend every month....it will eventually provide him with land on the family property and funds to allow him to construct his own home. 

All of this came with strings, like everything else in life. He had to be employed and had to be going to school. He must graduate from college and be married before he gets the land and home. His new girlfriend suggested that he should be given more money monthly and that he should be paid more at work...further that he should be given the cash value of his future home...which he dutifully requested. He was, of course denied all those things. She suggested he quit his job and move in with her if his family wouldn't give be him these things and accept her. 

He quit work, school and moved in with her. The stipend stopped...no money coming in. He burned through his small savings, sold his vehicles, all his toys. Within 2 months of the money running out she dumped him. 

He still wont come home, despite our constant request. Refuses to work, he drifts. He breaks our hearts. We miss him terribly, we worry everyday. I fear for his future. 

OP, he is a young man....you took him from those who love him and raised him. You have demonstrated a sincere lack of character. If you do love this child.....you have a long way to go to gain your inlaws acceptance and respect. I have no doubt they are both very angry and very fearful.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

This can't be real. Not the story perhaps, but the audacity to actually feel victimized in this!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

synthetic said:


> This can't be real. Not the story perhaps, but *the audacity to actually feel victimized in this*!


If you haven't perused didid85's thread, you ain't seen nuthin'.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MarriedDude said:


> I have a 21 year old son that hooked up with a 39 year old woman with 2 kids and no husband and no job.
> 
> My son worked in the family business and went to school. Lived at home, made great money, had 2 vehicles, dirt bikes, quads and lots of free time. He also has a trust that pays him a modest stipend every month....it will eventually provide him with land on the family property and funds to allow him to construct his own home.
> 
> ...


Minus the older woman almost sounds like me. It sucks, but if you raised him well he'll come back. I did and I bet your son was nowhere near the dark parts I went.


Young male pride is a terrible thing when unfocused.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you get child support from the father of your children?

You married a young kid and are taking advantage of his good nature. Hopefully he wakes up soon and dumps you. 

What do your children think about all of this?


.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

onehotmama34 said:


> I have recently married my 23 yr old husband. I am 34 yrs old and we met three years ago while I was still married and I was his boss.I have three children ranging in age from 16 to 4. I left my marriage to be with my new husband and we have recently relocated away from his family to be near my family 8 hours away. They invited him home for the holidays but do not want me or my three children to come with him. I offered to let them come see us as I quit my job to be a stay at home mom and really do not have the money to send him back home on this trip but they refuse that also.This is beginning to cause problems in my marriage. How can I get them to accept me as his wife?


So. You cheated on your husband, broke up your marriage, moved your children away from their family and friends so you could have a new life with your much younger AP who you were the boss of.

And your in-laws your new in-laws, not the old ones you threw away along with your old life, seem reluctant to accept you into their lives?

Here is a question for you. Why on earth would you even expect that they would?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

synthetic said:


> This can't be real. Not the story perhaps, but the audacity to actually feel victimized in this!


Her ability to play victimisation is what enabled her to cheat on her husband, I would think?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Simple they see you as an immoral woman who has trapped their son. Did son know you were married and left your husband for him. 

Are they Christian? They may know y'all are living in adutry(per the Bible) even though married. The Bible says those who practice such things(adultry) WILL NOT inherit the Kingdom of God.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I see that onehotmama has not returned to her thread...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

pull your bottom lip up and swaller


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If the poor husband of the OP were my son, I would visit where they live. But I would only see my son. The reason? To leave open a line of communication so that when he wakes up, he will have a support system. 

I have no doubt that this kid is learning some very hard lessons. Apparently they are lessons that he needed to learn. He will survive this.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

let's see.....
this guy was 20 when he started to work for you
you then had an affair with said employee
you then left your husband for said affair partner
then you turn around and stay home with the three kids from your first husband
and now your new husband who by the way is only 23 and 7 years older then your oldest child 

and you can't understand why your new in laws doesn't accept you...does the word clueless mean anything to you.... let's not kid ourselves your marriage is not going to last and the In laws know that, so why invest in this...i for one would not...that kid is going to wake up one morning and realize the mistake he made and runaway. Do the right thing and let him go, it will be the best thing for everyone.


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