# safe or not safe?



## militarywife (Aug 28, 2009)

I have been married 5 years and my husband is military. I have been a devoted wife and feel I have given everything to my marriage.
Short history: married young at age 19. We had dated for 4 months before proposing and then by the 8th month we were married. We have spent almost as much time seperated than together. I respect him for the man he is. I am a christian and while dating he said he was too. He knew I couldnt marry a man that wasnt a christian. Later to find he not only doesnt believe in God but pressured me not to go to church. Also I love children and want to one day have a family, a year ago I was sure I was pregnant and sat down with him and the first words were he wanted an abortion. He has assumed a controlling position in our marriage and would even squeeze my hand if we were out with friends and I was talking when he didnt want me to. I went along with all of this because I thought that was the "right" thing to do and just be quiet and not cause conflict. He has chosen assignments that are on the other side of the world, because he feels its the best for our future- and I feel I have always been 2nd place to money to him.
It has come to a point where he will be flying home for mid-tour leave tomorrow and my family doesnt feel I am safe. He can have a temper and has many times snapped, but dont we all say things we regret? I have forever pretended things would get better and he would speak to me kindly, or respect me as a human, or even begin to consider me equal. But it all comes down to this, I hear on the news of "victims" that say they never thought he could do that.. well I dont want to be a statistic. Am I wrong to go to another state (where my family is) to be safe? Am I a bad person to be afraid and run away from the situation or should I stay? I want to stay because I want to believe in him, in us but so many of my family are terrified for just my safety. Maybe he could change, really change, and I want so desperately for a happy marriage- how do I know if I am safe or not?? Or if I am a bad person for leaving when he comes home? (and this is my first blog EVER so please forgive any typos)


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Depends on what you mean by "snapped" as to if you should be afraid. Threats on your life or threats to harm you would be a reason you should fear... just depends on what was said. If you are going to leave to spite him and he did not threaten you or the kids, it would not be a good idea to leave.


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

Leave. 
A friend has been married to a military guy - very similar situation. She's been in hers much longer and does not have the mental ability to make the break. She lives in fear of her and her children's lives. They are happy when he is gone. They live their time when he's home counting down the days until he's gone. Its a really really bad situation for everyone - but those kids don't have the choice that she - and you have. 
You know the answer. Go with your gut. The sooner the better.


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## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

Run, don't walk...He sounds like a loaded time bomb...Respect your thoughts...Don't change or let him change your mind.....Find someone like youself....Good luck....


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Get out now!

You've been with him long enough to know his personality and that is when you don't have him year around. 

Imagine him with kids and stressed out. Imagine him in the next 5 years.

Go to your family and rebuild your life. I'm sorry this is happening to you. God Bless


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I really, honestly can't see how your a christian and did not see your husband wasn't...................

You must not have talked much before you married or spent much time together to not know.
More incredible is that you say you wanted to marry one... seems you'd taken extra care in selecting the right man and known by his actions and knowledge of Gods word... his actions would have spoke clearly.
Maybe you did not want to see what was actually before you as I really dont see how you could have missed something that was so important to you.


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