# I am 27 and I am pretty much in sexless relationship



## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

Im with my girlfriend just over a year. We are both 27 years old from Europe. Our sex life has never been crazy, especially at the start of relationship (Im reading my diary: we had sex 4 times in first 5 months, 7 in 6 months) and now after a year (we had sex like max 20 times). We do not live together and we live 15 minutes apart (driving). 

Im pretty unexperienced and not ‘that’ sexually agressive – we had sex 6 weeks after we met. 

When we have sex she comes to my parents house when i m alone on Fridays or Saturday (im usually alone for weekends – almost every weekend and that is when i invite her to come) for a movie night/me making dinner,having sex… She sleeps over and go home the next day after breakfast – usually till noon she is gone. She is rarely initiator (cca 3 times since we are together). We have never had sex twice in the same day and never had morning sex not even on vacations. 

It started slow – after 1st sex she had many excuses and do almost everything to avoid any situation that can result into having sex again (she rejected, had excuses when i was inviting her to come to sleep over). An example – after just 3 months since we met she invited me to her mothers 50s birthday which was in 1.5 month (like she is very serous about us), but when i invited her to sleep over the next day she had bs excuse even thoug i invited her one day before so she could make plans. Things like this happened few times… 

So after that i gave up/stopped inviting her but we were sill together, and few weeks went by, I was already looking for other girls but then things improved. She was more eager to have sex, when she realized Im not inviting her anymore and dont give a f**k anymore. She was inviting herself to my place… she also bought a new bigger bed for her room (she lives with her parents in the house) so i could sleep over too. At the beginning i refused to sleep over there because i felt uncomfortable since her mothers bedroom is next to hers. And also if im honest – because i was still so angry/hurt at all her rejections in the past. That effected me and my confidence badly – i remember I stopped inviting her back then because I rather didnt ask and not get rejected/heard BS excuse. I have always had bad feeling in my stomach when i invited her over so this was me getting little back at her… stupid i know… So after cca 1 year mark sex went down to like once every 4,5,6 weeks – just like in the beginning She just wasnt bothered. She still always touches me, initiates contact, kissing me, is very affectionate , wants to see me, but with sex she just isnt bothered. I talked to her about it but nothing change in the long term – we had sex soon after the conversation/argument about it and then the cycle continue. When i bring it up again she responds – thats life , things comes up in life, what can I do etc.. again lots of excuses because she in not bothered by the lack of sex but she wont admit it. She said it bothers her too, but when there is a chance to do it she always find something more appealing/important. She always had the same defense – we are both to blame and how many times did you sleep over in my room? I said not as many times as id like… BTW she has never denied my advances once we are in the bed, but to get her there is an art… 

Few weeks back we had our 1st year anniversary. We also havent had sex for like 6 weeks at that time. I bought her a gift, she had nothing for me (which surprised me since she alwas brings me small gifts when she is abroad, on vacation with family, etc… she said she wanted to create something for me but didnt like it, and that she didnt want to buy me just something). I made her a painting and bought a coupon for 40 euros in her favourite hobby-art shop. The next day we went for a dinner – she payed for it. After the dinner i suggested – invited her to come to my place for a weekend and she said she will not come because her best girl friend is coming back from vacation (she was gone for 14 days). She said they will have a drink in her (my gfs) house. So I suggested to come to sleep over at hers. She said ‘fine’ but wasnt enthusiastic about it by the sound of her voice. The next day i called her to make it sure and she said – id put you in my bed but my sister brought her dog to watch it over and dog can only sleep in my room otherwise it barks around the house. So I said ‘did you just rejceted me for the dog??’ She said ‘no, come on…’ 

I do not like the dog because it s not civilized – it barks and jumps when people come and i just hate it. She knows it. She threats that dog like a person – like a human being.. its so stupid like the dog is a baby. I was so angry at her that i was punching the door afte phone call ended. She rejected me twice after 6 weeks without sex and for what? To have a drink with a friend and for the dog. To feel like an even bigger fool, she ended conversation with the question if im gonna drop by to se her anyway. I said i ll see. After couple of hours i texted her – im going to have a beer with my friends, when you realize that you rather have a bf in your bed then a dog let me know… 

How would you react??? Dont know how to proceed.. I feel disrespected and unvalued. I mean its pretty much a sexless relationship at 27 and we are together for little more then a year.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Well. The reason you date other people is to figure it out if we are compatible as a mates. What you describe are many signs that there is a compatibility issues between two of you. Since you are not married, I would say you should consider to get breakup. Do not waist her and yours time. This is normal. This is what dating game is all about - finding most compatible mate for life 
Good luck.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

At this stage of your relationship, this is about as good as things (particularly the frequency of sex) is ever likely to get, IMO. In your shoes, I'd end it and move on.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

On the face of it, it sounds like she is not that into you sexually - that means you are more of a friend from her home country and she feels comfortable around you.

It sounds like her parents are more accepting of the sex than yours. Is that why you wait till your parents are out before having sex ?

The point I am making is that it doesn't sound like she is resistant to sex or comes from a house where it is discouraged and therefore it sounds like she is just not attracted to you.

You need to have this discussion and get to a point where both of you are honest with each other and then move on.

Were you her first sexual partner or has she had others ? Any comments on what her sex life was like before you ? And also what was yours like before her ?

Curious to know which European country you are from ?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

What I get from your situation is QUOTE -your own words


> *treznik said: So after cca 1 year mark sex went down to like once every 4,5,6 weeks – just like in the beginning She just wasnt bothered. She still always touches me, initiates contact, kissing me, is very affectionate , wants to see me, but with sex she just isnt bothered. I talked to her about it but nothing change in the long term – we had sex soon after the conversation/argument about it and then the cycle continue. When i bring it up again she responds – thats life , things comes up in life, what can I do etc.. again lots of excuses because she in not bothered by the lack of sex but she wont admit it*.


If you stay with her.. THIS is your future *^^^* the cycle repeating itself over & over & over.. Get out NOW.. save yourself.. Not to mention.. the dog is more important to her.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> On the face of it, it sounds like she is not that into you sexually - that means you are more of a friend from her home country and she feels comfortable around you.
> 
> It sounds like her parents are more accepting of the sex than yours. Is that why you wait till your parents are out before having sex ?
> 
> ...


I do not feel comfortable having sex with parents in the next room - earshot...

ALSO: 

She never orgasmed during sex. I asked her what should I do, but she said she likes everything, she is not demanding... and that i shouldnt worry because she has never experienced orgasm with any boyfriend. I asked her can she get herself off by masturbating and she said yes... its hard to practice when it happens once every 4,5,6 weeks and she doesnt want things to improve - she never guide me, tells me what she likes,etc... or maybe she lied to make me feel better? I dont know... i also dont understand why she was eager to have sex for like 3 months in the middle of our relationship....and why it went back to old ways after that... im confused. 

She also said SHE HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED SEX PROBLEMS WITH ANY EX BF BEFORE ME... 

and one more thing that might be important but i havent mentioned yet - she was fatherless since she was really little. She has some major issues about her father. When we argue she often brought her fathers behaviour towards her mother up. He cheated and left her mother when she and her sister was very very young. They still have contacts but she has major issues about him.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Time to move on. You've gained some experience and know more about yourself and the type of relationship you don't want. If you stay and keep compromising yourself you will NEVER be happy.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So what you are saying is that she has told you that she was fine with sex until she met you and now she does not orgasm ????

What do you think she is telling you ? I would reiterate what I said before: she does not seem to be into you mate!

Time to move on and improve your experience with other women.

What are your communication skills like (I am assuming English is not your first language) ?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

treznik said:


> she was fatherless since she was really little. She has some major issues about her father. When we argue she often brought her fathers behaviour towards her mother up.


For this reason alone, you must leave her. 

Dating is so you can see if you're compatible.

You clearly aren't. 

And please trust us, what you get when you're dating is BETTER than what you get when you're married. If you're not getting it now, you'll NEVER get it when you're married.

But daddy issues? No freaking way. Run.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

manfromlamancha said:


> So what you are saying is that she has told you that she was fine with sex until she met you and now she does not orgasm ????
> 
> What do you think she is telling you ? I would reiterate what I said before: she does not seem to be into you mate!
> 
> ...


She said she has never orgasmed with any ex bf so i should not worry!
She said she didnt have sex problems - the lack of sex with ex bfs...


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

treznik said:


> She said she has never orgasmed with any ex bf so i should not worry!
> She said she didnt have sex problems - the lack of sex with ex bfs...


They likely had no problem boinking at her house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

treznik said:


> She said she has never orgasmed with any ex bf so i should not worry!
> She said she didnt have sex problems - the lack of sex with ex bfs...


So what you are saying is that she doesn't climax (asexual?) - does she enjoy sex at all?

And she didn't have problems with the amount of sex ex bf's needed? Suggesting they needed less than you expect?

Or what the hell is she saying?


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Couple of things,

1. She doesn't really like sex and only had it with you because that is what was supposed to be the next step in the relationship. 

2. She doesn't really want YOU and thinking about you doesn't get her panties wet. 

3. She has daddy issues and doesn't trust men in general. This is probably why she hasn't had an orgasm with you or any of her previous boyfriends. This is something that will take a lot of effort, time and probably counseling to get past. Are you willing to waste 5 or 10 or even more years of your life waiting for her to get her $hit together

4. You guys aren't married and don't have kids.

5. You are in the first year of a relationship, so this is supposed to be the honeymoon phase where the romance and excitement are the best they will ever be. Her sister's dog is more important than you. 

Is there really much more to say?

If you still aren't convinced you need to run, go ahead and make up a list of pros and cons and list out what your critical needs are in this life. If she doesn't meet any of those needs, get rid of her. 

This is why people date...to find out whether they are compatible. You two aren't.

Break up, tell her why and wish her well.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

This is your first year of dating. You should be hot and greedy for time together. Sex should have been awesome, can't get enough of each other. 

Are you seeing the pattern? You distance yourself and she becomes eager. She gives you just enough to keep you interested. The hugs, kisses etc. So you stay for the crumbs you're being offered. What is wrong with you, that, you will stay for so little?

This girl has lots of problem that you would not be able to help with. You are so young, this is just dating. This is the time for you to look for potential mates, find out what you want and learn from your experiences. 

This girl is not for you. Say goodbye, wish her well. Block her number. Don't let her in your life again. Date some more, enjoy being young and single.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

Tron said:


> Couple of things,
> 
> 1. She doesn't really like sex and only had it with you because that is what was supposed to be the next step in the relationship.
> 
> 2. She doesn't really want YOU and thinking about you doesn't get her panties wet.



1. Tnx for your opinion but why was she eager to have sex for 3 months in the middle of relationship (after cca 5 moths) - she was talking about it, inviting herself to spend the night, inviting me to spend the night... then after 3 - 4 months things went back to the old ways... she just wasnt bothered with the lack of sex- we could go sexless for 7 weeks and she didnt say a word.

2. why be with me then? She is a great looking girl who can get almost any man she wants... Im not rich, Im a normal dude... maybe she likes me for the person, but we met online so the looks is the first eliminator. And after the 1st and 2nd date she was very eager to see me again...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Many many women set out to snag a man. And they know that sex is what draws you in. Once they 'have' you, they stop acting.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Echo,

You aren't obligated to stay with a girlfriend that rarely meets your needs. Your working too hard as it is to maintain a sub satisfying relationship.

Why not work half as hard for a mutually satisfying relationship.

Write down some non judgmental points why you don't see this relationship working. Try not to put her on the defense, but also remember you shouldn't have to defend your feelings either.
She's not in love with you.
Call her up and end it bro.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Like Tron said, she does not like sex. That is why she is can go months without. Either you are not getting a response from her and you need to improve your techniques. But even clumsy lovemaking can be stimulating and quite lovely. Or, she is JUST NOT INTO YOU. Sex is the clutch with which she holds you. She probably has low self esteem and thinks she cant do better than you. So that is why every once in a while she throws you a bone. 

You have to make a choice, is this how you want to live your life?

You came here for advice. I have seen these people giving great advice and support. Take it.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> Like Tron said, she does not like sex. That is why she is can go months without. Either you are not getting a response from her and you need to improve your techniques. But even clumsy lovemaking can be stimulating and quite lovely. Or, she is JUST NOT INTO YOU.



Im leaning towards she is not into me. Since she often rather spent her time with her friends or go to the party or something else...
i mean a dog in her bed is just an excuse. Dont you think?? and its a pretty disrespectful way to reject somebody. Not just somebody but a bf of a year after an anneversary and after 6 weeks of no sex...

BTW as I said she can get almost any man - she is that good looking, but she chose to be in relationship with me. I dont understand. There is no logic. Gods know why she was pretty sexual in the middle of relationship for 3 months. As I can tell because of that, she is far from being asexual. 

I think she deoesnt enjoy sex with ME. But on the other hand if sex was important to her she would either dump me or try to work on it - helps me get better at it. I mean i asked her what should i do, i told her id like to give her an orgasm but she brushed it off telling me dont worry and she likes everything and is not demanding. Apearantly not! What more can I do?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Nothing. You can't do a thing, if she does not want to try. She is happy in her non-sexual needs. YOU, do not create that need in her. Please leave this girl alone. You are young and free. Go find someone who is going to want and love you. You are wasting time here and putting too much effort into a relationship that is going nowhere. 

Please take the advice of these good people. They know they have been there, done that and know what they are talking about. 

You can't force anyone to want and desire you. Take care of yourself and move on.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I think she has low desire, not that she does not like you. Remember the general rule is that sex significantly decreases with marriage. HD becomes medium, medium low, and the couple who were like rabbits going out settle into a twice a week routine. You are starting low and one gets the impression she is doing this to keep you happy in the relationship she wants. Her drive only increased when you began looking at other women. Once you are married and there are no other women, she will probably reason I do not need to do this anymore and you will decrease to once every 1 or 2 months. Then if she catches you looking at another woman or any porn, that will further annoy her and you may be down to 2-3 times per year. 

There are a lot of problems here and your letter did not mention much good.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Bugged said:


> Some people are not that sexual.
> Becoming more sexual is not something that is usually desired or easily achieved.
> If your feelings are stronger than your frustration, stay.
> If not, go find someone else.


I don't agree with this. Don't base your decision on your current feelings and current level of frustration. 

It is very important to realize that with infrequent sex, your feelings will become less strong and your frustration will grow. 

She is showing you who she is. Believe her.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

But don't expect that not to change.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Bugged said:


> Is this post for me? Are you trying to be a jinx or what?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hopefully you have a long, happy life together but relationships and people change. Your bf or husband may want more from you in the future.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Imagine this cycle repeating for the rest of your life.

And then imagine going through a difficult break up, and finding someone that wants the same things as you.

And then do the math and act.

You date to see if you're compatible. You're not.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

treznik said:


> she can get almost any man - she is that good looking, but she chose to be in relationship with me. I dont understand.


There is the crux of your problem. You dated up and you're loathe to give it up. Because, like most men, what your girl looks like is how you stroke your own ego.

In 10 years, when she's sagging and wrinkling, will you be fighting so hard to keep this shell of a woman who does next to nothing to make you feel loved?

btw, for those 3 months when she DID want sex? Many women who cheat will give their OM sex and then come home and be hyper-sexual with their husband, too.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

turnera said:


> There is the crux of your problem. You dated up and you're loathe to give it up. Because, like most men, what your girl looks like is how you stroke your own ego.


there may be some truth in that, but i do love her... She is my 1st serious gf, so you know its hard to let her go. The thought of dating/stating from the ground zero again makes me feel sad and uneasy :/


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

treznik said:


> there may be some truth in that, but i do love her... She is my 1st serious gf, so you know its hard to let her go. The thought of dating/stating from the ground zero again makes me feel sad and uneasy :/


So, your other issue is your insecurity. You are afraid to date. I do not think what you are experiencing is a love. I guess you want to settle with this one. Again, everyone telling you that in a long run it will not work. Finish it now, or finished it latter, when you will be totally emotionally destroyed. It is your choice...


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

After begging comes crying, then bartering, then threatening, then resenting.

Of course you could drop her now and be fvcking somebody that can't keep her hands of you tomorrow. Maybe not tomorrow but you get the idea.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

Tnx for replies. 

Im fixated with the fact i did not sleep over at her parents house when she bought new bed for us and was eager to sleep over. She said few times how everyone at home are making fun of her since I do not sleep over... 
I know it bothered her... 

I didnt because i wanted to get little back at her and because there would not be real privacy (mother in the next room). 

Dont you think thins would turn out differently if i grabbed the chance and sleep over when she wanted me to? Maybe she resents me for that and now it is as it is because of that!?

This is the only thing im still fixated on because i think it was a huge mistake. they say the more you have sex the more you want it so... as i said she never ever rejected my advances when we are in the bed. Even if she is on her period she gave me BJ... but on the other hand im thinking either you crave frequent sex or you dont - it doesnt matter if you live together /are married or just casually date... so she just might aswell come up with other excuses... who knows...


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Are you passive aggressively punishing her, or seeing if she wakes up and realizes sex isn't a tool.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

treznik said:


> there may be some truth in that, but i do love her... She is my 1st serious gf, so you know its hard to let her go. The thought of dating/stating from the ground zero again makes me feel sad and uneasy :/


That's not love you feel. That's insecurity, lack of experience, and an inferiority complex.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> Are you passive aggressively punishing her, or seeing if she wakes up and realizes sex isn't a tool.


As I said there was some punishing from my side, but it wasnt the main motivation to do so... I didnt sleep over once or twice when invited and thats it... because i wanted to get little back at her and especially because there would not be real privacy (mother in the next room). 

I also told her the reason (privacy) and that im uncomfortable waking up in the middle of the week, waiting when its gonna be my turn to go to the toilet, making breakfast in her mothers house (kitchen). So WE agree ill sleep there on Fridays or Saturdays when you can sleep longer (mother wake up earlier etc....) but she has never invited me since then. I invited myself 3 times (one time she was sick - she really was), and other two times i couldnt sleep over because her sister and her bf from other town came to visit and they sleep in my gf's bed. She slept on the couch so there was no room for us. After that i stopped inviting myself, waiting for her invitation but it never came. Not even after 4 weeks of no sex. And its not like im mentioning sex every day or week. Sometimes i dont say anything for 3, 4 weeks and she just doesnt care at all.

After few weeks of nothing I cant take it anymore and told her the lack of sex is still the problem and nothing ever changes about that and she always replies 'WE ARE BOTH TO BLAME!' and 'how many times did you sleep over at my place'...When i said 'not as many times as i d like she gets angry and defensive'. SHE DOESNT WANT TO WORK ON THIS even though i told her its important to me and that i wont be able to continue like this. 

She doesnt want to admit, that she has zero interest being sexual with me, she rather say we are both to blame instead of telling me straight what the problem is. Why she doesnt crave sexual contact.

She likes kissing, cuddling, hand holding - often initiates these things... but sex is something she has zero desire for and is not bothered by the lack of it at all.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Then find someone who does want it.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

turnera said:


> Then find someone who does want it.


but PLEASE don't use the someone else, to punish her! I can't emphasise that enough. Be a gentleman, if it helps, tell yourself, her childhood made her this way, she's not to blame, just a little damaged.

I wanted to ask, is she on maoi (antidepressants) that might explain "never orgasms?"


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, what I meant was to divorce, of course. And THEN find someone else.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

turnera said:


> Well, what I meant was to divorce, of course. And THEN find someone else.


no need to divorce in this case. makes things so much simpler.

OP, i have a solution for you:
tell your girlfriend that you like having sex and want to have more of it. since she doesnt like having sex as much as you, you are going to go find someone who does. 


then go find someone else. 

personally, i will never get frustrated with lack of sex again. even though i am married, if my wife decides to go sexless again, i will decide to divorce. ill try a bunch of other stuff first, but if the steps i take fail, divorce.


you need to build your confidence man. and stop asking her why she isnt turned on. thats like her asking you why you are. there is only one way for two people with mismatched sex drives to live together happily. and that is for both of them to learn to do the things for each other that make them feel loved. if they cant do that without building resentment, then they wont be very happy. 

and you two dont even live together. think about it, she isnt doing much to keep you, is she?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Oops, my bad. Just move on.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

We went for a walk today… to make long story short: SHE DUMPED ME AFTER AN ARGUMENT!

Something you should know to understand the story: My grandparents has made reconstruction in their old house (I have my own entrance and apartment now in the upper floor of the house for a 2 months now). She has a job but is paid very poorly and thats why she lives with her mother in her house. thats something normal in our country since recession.

So last Wednesday I invited her to come over for the 1st time and she agreed, the next day she called early and canceled on me because her aunt invited her in her house for a bday (drinking, eating, talking with family members of hers) it was unplanned. I said I wont go (because I was disappointed since I expect her to come to my place for the 1st time since I have a furniture) so I said I ll not go and rather work for my job (Im sick of this bday parties especially unplanned in the middle of the week – every month one of her relatives has bday or something like that and im just tired of it, last week I was on her mothers bday which is reasonable but im not going to aunts bday for sure, especially unplanned). She was deeply offended and angry at me.

I told her she is offended because I wasn’t there (for her needs) but when it comes to my needs she isnt bothered and puts zero effort to make it work.
She said we wont try anything anymore, that we are not compatible and she is breaking up with me. That we are not functioning together and if we could we would make it by now.

She also said how i did not invite her to move in with me. 2 months ago we went buying furniture together for my place and apearantly I was looking at a closet that was small in her eyes and when she asked me ‘isnt it small?’ I replied ‘its big enough for me’ She said that was the moment she has realized I do not see her in the future… She said at this age and at that stage of relationship i should think differently, and that our relationship should progress – we should have move in together and that her plan is to have a baby in a year or two because she is almost 28 now. Talking about plans??? We never had that conversation.

When i said we havent had sex for another month she said ‘DISASTER’…I asked her what is her issue with sex, she said to me she has none, i asked her does she even like it she said yes, i asked if is it true she has never experienced an orgasm with any bf, she said Yes I told that already. I asked her do you even enjoy having sex with me, she said yes, and WHY EVERYONE IS ASKING THAT QUESTION WHEN RELATIONSHIP IS OVER! She also said im not spontaneous – she said how im always making plans and she hates plans ands stuff like that. Of course i have to make plans, im a bussy man.

So yeah, she dumped me in the end, making me look like a bad guy for not suggesting to move in with me. At the same time she always had problem to come to my place and/or have sex with me. Its over now. I am a FOOL.

BTW now i know what she meant a month back when we were talking about the lack of sex and she said to me ‘you reap what you sow’… never talked about moving in together, never ever and now the bomb… like i should read her mind but at the same time her actions are not even close to show me she wants something as moving in together. She also said how everyone at her home were wondering why i did not invite her to move in. They all expected it and i didnt deliver… I was expecting form her to by at my place more often now and more sleep overs and then eventually we would move in together. She expected to be invited right now and since i didnt deliver i think she punished me for it – close her vagina and emotionally checked out of relationship. God forbid to communicate her disapointment or to talk to ME about it.. i know she talked about it to her friends and family but not with me. she just resented me instead. She should at least said something like ‘where do you see us in the future?’ anything.

Also telling me im predictable and not spontaneous…etc. the whole relationship she has never said anything like that and now when its over she is able to communicate what bothers her about me. Such a head wreck. Also telling me im not an animal lover, that i hated that dog and she just hate that in me. its a f*cking dog for gods sake and its not even hers. its her sisters. i told her why i do not like it – because it is not civilized, doesnt behave. i like other animals – even own a cat for 18 years. she knows it. She rubbed everything in my face she could come up with… When i told her how dog was a priority over me in her bed she said ‘i didnt want to stand between you and my sister dog’ Stupid woman, you didnt stand between us, you ditched me for a dog…and that after 6 weeks of no sex and 1 year anniversary a day before. I dont know what to think, how much i am to blame, etc… I still love her. but i know its over.

She also said she has never dated any ex again. Never! She was also pretty emotionless when she dumped me, that hurt me quite a lot… im wondering if she even loved me/was with me because of me or because she considered me alright and thought i m alright enough to be the one to settle down with. Im a mess right now.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So basically you broke up with a woman who withholds sex when she's mad at you.

Lucky you!


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

wow, so, in a sense she just wanted to use you for a place to live, and since the idea didn't seem worth even considering, she withheld your needs.

I guess she did wake up and realize she is using sex as a tool.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Seriously man, why would this bother you? Unless of course, you don't think that you, as a person, are worth loving. 

You are not defined by how you feel unless you choose to define yourself by your emotions. By what you feel. 

I don't think any less of myself for hating the feeling of being cold. Would you hate yourself for wanting to be loved? Would you hate yourself for wanting the things that make you feel loved? 

Would you hate her for not feeling love for you? If so, then you must hate yourself too. Because feelings, in the moment we feel them, are not under our control.

Move on man. There isn't a damn thing wrong with you. If you are willing to look outside your world, you will find things that will blow your mind. 

Seriously man, be you, and LOVE YOU!

You will be better than fine if you choose to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

treznik said:


> As I said there was some punishing from my side, but it wasnt the main motivation to do so... I didnt sleep over once or twice when invited and thats it... because i wanted to get little back at her and especially because there would not be real privacy (mother in the next room).
> 
> I also told her the reason (privacy) and that im uncomfortable waking up in the middle of the week, waiting when its gonna be my turn to go to the toilet, making breakfast in her mothers house (kitchen). So WE agree ill sleep there on Fridays or Saturdays when you can sleep longer (mother wake up earlier etc....) but she has never invited me since then. I invited myself 3 times (one time she was sick - she really was), and other two times i couldnt sleep over because her sister and her bf from other town came to visit and they sleep in my gf's bed. She slept on the couch so there was no room for us. After that i stopped inviting myself, waiting for her invitation but it never came. Not even after 4 weeks of no sex. And its not like im mentioning sex every day or week. Sometimes i dont say anything for 3, 4 weeks and she just doesnt care at all.
> 
> ...


Not all but many women who did not have a father/father figure in their lives lack a moral compass.
It is sad.
You have dodged a bullet.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

there is nothing wrong with a girl with daddy issues, if you know how to handle her.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

I just want to say tnx for all replies/advices.

Im not in a good place right now. Im heartbroken for the 1st time and it su*ks big time. Thinking about nice times - great memories brings the most pain. But i guess thats normal. She is my 1st so i presume I wont forget about her anytime soon if ever. Dont even know what to think of her/of it all. I know I meant something to her, I know she loved me in her way... but just not enough. You know I posted here stuff that bothered me, i didnt wrote down all the nice things she did for me and about nice times... oh well...

Tnx again...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's hard to see when you've only had one love that there will be others, other kinds, good and bad, and different. Try to look forward to that option.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You've missed the noose. Just count yourself lucky that this didn't go any further. You have a lot of living to do. Just go out there meet people and have fun. Develope some interest in a new hobby, which will take you out of yourself and put in connection with new people.

What you are feeling is normal. You did great. You've had a great learning experience( one you've rather done without). Now grow from this. You should have a new understanding of relationships now. You know what you want. You know what you would not put up with. Some people still don't get it. 

Wish you all the happiness in the world. My grandma used to say, "a little bit of salt in your sugar, makes it sweeter". This is all life. Enjoy yours. Make the best of it.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

She wanted a baby in a year or two and you were not fulfilling the time table. She saw moving in as an important step, and sex as a means to reward you. You would never have been happy with this woman, and she did not love you in any normal way.

Her focus was on her dream, she loved the "Idea" of the two of you but she manipulated you and treated your needs with appalling disregard.

You dogged a bullet in my opinion.

And lets not forget that the reason that sex improved in the middle of your relationship is because she thought she was going to lose you over it. You would never have been able to sustain that, no way!


The fact that she has never dated an ex and told you so, listen when a woman like that flips that switch, every thing you do from that moment on looks weak, unattractive, and desperate, so do not contact her again, it will only make you look bad.

Be glad you were not married to her with kids, you would find that there are layers of hell that go much deeper than the one you are in now, the one she sent you to.

When you see daylight again take a deep breath, be thankful and move on!


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

turnera said:


> For this reason alone, you must leave her.
> 
> Dating is so you can see if you're compatible.
> 
> ...


This.

Also, I suspect that she wants rid of you but does not want to be the baddie so is passively encouraging you to end it. Oddly, she will have more respect for you when you do.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Like others note, she either does not particularly like you or sex with men generally. ONCE YOU GET MARRIED, IT WILL GET MUCH WORSE Sex will only be when she wants something and she will work to limit that even more. Hey, if you were gay, these relationship will work great and something the wife says, we have had sex 7 times in 8 years. is this unusual. There will be many, many problems with this type of relationship, your self-esteem will be shot, you will think of an affair, at least look at other women , divorce is very expensive, friends may tell you about their great sex lives. 

Posts like this are strange since the answers seem so easy.


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