# I'm In Love With a Married Woman



## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable. I’ve posted on this forum in the past under a different name during my marriage issues and I feel like my story could be beneficial to the betrayed to get a glimpse into what goes into infidelity. This is going to be long, but please stick with me.

Today, I see infidelity everywhere. A lot of my coworkers, friends and family seem to have some side things going. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but I now know the signs to identify it when I see it. I learned a few things from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I learned even more by being party to infidelity...

• Trust your gut
• Self control is no match for biology.
• Your past love and relationship with your spouse doesn’t matter when it comes to the present. The present and the future is always more important than the past.
• Sex and physical contact is a huge indicator of the state of your relationship
• “Just friends” is a lie
• You can love many people, but you can only be in love with one person at a time

I was married in 2010 and got divorced 2 years into the marriage after finding out that my ex-wife was having an emotional affair with her coworker. I never had evidence that the affair was physical, but I knew then what I’m even more certain of now... Attraction+Opportunity=Sex. This equation is even more certain if there is some emotional connection between one or both parties involved. Going through this left me with some emotional trauma and trust issues that I struggle with today. I doubt that I’ll ever let go of them.

I realized a few things after my divorce. I had become complacent and lazy in my relationship. I had a beautiful wife, a good job and a nice home. I was content for the longest. However, after a few years of living this way, my wife no longer viewed me as attractive. Although she didn’t nag me to do things with her or around the house, I let things slip when they shouldn’t have. I wasn’t on top of my game. Just like the average man loves curves, breasts and a nice butt, women love confidence and a bit of aggression. I can’t say I was any of those things. Over the next few years after my divorce, I took steps to change that and make myself more attractive. Lifting weights regularly, dressing better, groomed well, being more aggressive socially, no more nice guy stuff and being much more sociable.

I met Melissa (not her real name) in 2013 when she got hired at my office. The mutual attraction was instant. I could tell she liked me by the way she acted and forced her way into my department when she didn’t need to be there. I was never the person to force the issue with women. I always waited for them to show interest before interacting or even starting a conversation. Melissa showed many. She’d talk to me about movies I know she wasn’t interested in, basketball games that I knew she didn’t watch and basically find a way to always converse with me at the office.

Eventually, I found out through one of our conversations that she had a boyfriend. Although I was single and dating at the time, I was disappointed because I was starting to become infatuated with her. I looked forward to interacting with her in the cafeteria at work and going back and forth over email. Her relationship didn’t stop the friendly interactions that we had though.

One day she asked me for my cell phone number, because as she put it, she wanted to give me a weekend review of a movie that she and I spoke about that was releasing soon. I knew she wasn’t really into the movie and it was just an excuse to get my number. I can’t say that I wasn’t happy though. I remember thinking at the time that her boyfriend would be disappointed knowing that his girlfriend was asking for another man’s number.

Soon, we were texting everyday. She was the initiator most of the time but I can’t say that I didn’t engage or encourage her texting. Over two to three months time, our relationship slowly moved from platonic to inappropriate. There were subtle hints from her that she was sexually attracted and I reciprocated. At the time, the back and forth’s were never overt and always subtle enough for plausible deniability, said in a joking manner.

The first time it got physical was at an office party in late 2013. Liquor and opportunity... we found ourselves alone for a few minutes. She kissed me and I kissed back. Hugged her, lifted her up off the ground... Squeezed her nice butt, she squeezed mine, felt up my chest. It was nice. I wasn’t going to make the first move... She was another man’s girlfriend, but I wasn’t going to turn her down either. This would happen four or five more times at office parties over the next two years. Often, she would say that she was feeling guilty for kissing me but was compelled to do it. Still, our texting and sexual undertones would continue.

I would have dated or been FWBs with about 8 to 10 women during that time, but none of them ever made me feel like Melissa. I also wasn’t as attracted to any of them. She was intoxicating to be around and I thought about her all the time. I found myself watching my phone and being disappointed when I got a text message and it wasn’t her. Of course, I didn’t allow her see how crazy about her I was. I acted suave and smooth when I interacted with her. She didn’t say it, but at that time, I KNEW that I could take her from her boyfriend if I told her I wanted her to be mine, but I didn’t want us to be the topic of discussion at our job. I just went with the flow.

In 2015, she announced that she was engaged to be married in summer 2016. I congratulated her but got the feeling that she wasn’t excited to be getting married. She didn’t say it, but hinted that she was just going with the natural course of relationships. “It was eventually going to happen” she once said about it. I can’t say that I wasn’t disappointed to hear that news, but I knew it was an eventuality. 

The texting and kissing at work events continued into early 2016. At some point I realized that it was unhealthy for me. I couldn’t focus on any other women because of her. It sounds stupid, but I felt like I was almost in love with this woman. I hadn’t even slept with her yet but was haunted by thoughts of her all the damn time. But I’d known her for three years and we were pretty much best friends at that point. We talked almost everyday. I manned up and told her that it had to stop. She was going to be married soon and I knew that nothing could happen. She was disappointed, but she understood.

It stopped for a while. We remained platonic for a time, only texting when absolutely necessary and only about work. I went to her wedding and she looked like she didn’t even want to be there. Her husband cried at the wedding because of how happy he was. I was shocked because I couldn’t believe how blind this guy was. It was apparent that she just wanted to get the day over with. Her smiles were forced and she didn’t want to dance with him during the reception. This is not how she is at any office parties...

Two months after her wedding in October 2016, she ran into me and a date outside of a restaurant. She called me later that night... first time we talked on the phone. Asked me all kinds of questions about my date... I could tell that she was jealous. Eventually she told me that she missed me. She missed talking to me and missed our conversations. She missed her friend. I shared the same feelings. We had a very long convo that night. The texting started again.

In November of 2016, we had another office party. Same old thing happened at that party. After the party I blocked her on all platforms. I didn’t want to cause issues in her marriage and I didn’t want to fall back into her intoxicating orbit. I started looking for jobs and left that job a few weeks later. She would later tell me that this was an extremely hard time for her. She couldn’t understand why I ghosted her and she had anxiety that she was never going to see me again or have me in her life.

In September 2017, we hadn’t spoken in almost a year. I was in an off and on “relationship” with another woman, but I still thought about Melissa often. I was taking a flight across the country for a conference and she was in the seat right next to me. Life is strange. We talked the whole four hour flight. It felt good to catch up and talk to her. We kept in touch after that, but kept it platonic.

January 2018, she invited me to an event that my old co-workers were having. That night, there was no liquor involved. But catching glimpses of her outside of a work setting, seeing her body, the way guys and girls looked at her and seeing her steal looks at me, I decided that I had to have her. I pulled her to the side and told her as much. Told her that I’d had feelings for her for quite some time and I wanted her. She was said she was happy I said that, because she’d felt the same forever.

After that night, we would meet up when we were free to spend time together. We realized that we were slowly getting close to crossing that line and talked about it. She didn’t want to be a cheater or a divorcee and said that she loved her husband. I knew that she loved him but I could tell that she wasn’t IN love with him. I could tell by her interactions with him at their wedding and reception almost two years prior. At that point, I’d already made up in my mind that I was going to have sex with her. I didn’t care for the consequences anymore.

In Feb 2018, I invited her to go with me on a work trip I was scheduled to take. She jumped at the chance. Over that period, before the trip, we were flirting heavily and talking about sex acts that we wanted to do or try in our lives at some point. Sex wasn’t ever agreed upon, but we both knew that it was heading in that direction.

The night of the trip was explosive. The passion was amazing. She said a few times during that night that she couldn’t believe that it was finally happening. After that night, we were in a secret relationship. She was my girlfriend... We would meet every now and again to go on dates, hang out or have sex. Often it was in a hotel room or one of our cars. We even took a few weeks long summer trips to other cities. Sex started in Feb 2018 and we’re still at it today.

We decided that we had to move our communication to an app. Text messages were just too risky. It was an app that had disappearing messages, video and audio calls. Nothing could be traced. Messages couldn’t be retrieved with software. Since we sent hundreds of texts per day, it was the best decision to remain undetected. We sexted and sent nudes often.

Over those years, the sex was always amazing. Best sex I’d ever had and I think she shares the sentiment. We fell deeper in love. We discovered that we shared the same exact kinks which made the chemistry even more amazing. Anything she wanted to try, I’d find that I would love it and she was down to do anything I wanted. Although she’d never tried some things, nothing was off limits to her. If I wanted to do it, she was down for it. Anal, facials, swallowing, hair pulling, slapping... more stuff... she loved every minute of it. She constantly asked me to cum inside her. She hinted a few times that she never did some of those things with her husband even though he’d wanted to. .

Whenever we had sex, it was always full of energy and nasty dirty talk. I know it’s going to be crazy for some married men to hear, but whenever I was inside her, I’d constantly tell her that it was mine. She LOVED that. We recorded ourselves often. I showed her how to hide the videos in an encrypted folder and she watches them often. I always pushed the envelope with her and she responded excitingly. Orgasms were easy for her to reach.

Three months into our sexual relationship, there came a point where she told me that she wanted to leave her husband to be with me. I thought really long and hard about this but discouraged her because I felt like she was making a hasty decision. Although we’d known each other for five years, we’d only really been in a relationship for three months. She was upset for a period, but eventually I think she was able to compartmentalize her marriage with her husband and her relationship with me and just accepted that this was the way it would be. 

A few times, she told me that she fantasizes about having a baby by me. She often thinks about what our life would be like if we were legitimate. I think about it often too...

After my marriage ended, I decided that I wasn’t ever going to be in another serious and committed relationship. I’ve seen too much to think that people will remain true 100% of the time. I don’t think I will ever get complacent in my life again, but I don’t want that one period to come along where my wife or girlfriend perceives me as unattractive and sharks are in the water. I didn’t want Kate to leave her marriage to expect to one day be married to me. It just wasn’t going to happen. Still, we continued...

We rarely ever discussed the state of her marriage. She would mention that she was proud of him and his professional accomplishments but she never talked about him as if he was her husband. He seemed to be more of a roommate or a brother. Early on, she mentioned that since she and I started having sex, she didn’t want to have sex with her husband. She felt like she was cheating on me if she ever did have sex with him. Surprisingly, the thought of him having sex with her didn’t bother me at all. I knew that she wasn’t giving him what she wanted to give to me. She gave him the bare minimum. She gave me everything and more.

I have to admit, the thought of her cheating on him ran across my mind constantly. I felt bad for the guy, still do. I was in his position just years earlier. A wife that didn’t find me attractive, didn’t want to have sex with me and sneaking around behind my back. But even though I had other options, her love and sex was just too addictive to stay away.

She called me one day and told me that her husband was suspicious. He questioned her and asked her if she was in a relationship with someone else. He’d voiced his concerns to a friend whose wife cheated on him and according to him, she was acting the same way. Apparently she was following the typical cheating wife script. We cooled it for a few months after that. Slowed communication, cut off the sex and dates. Eventually things went back to normal and we were back at it. She just became more careful.

I always was curious to know what allowed her to be distracted and sway away from him. I never asked her directly, but would put pieces together as she dropped them in conversation over the years. I came to the understanding that he just didn’t stack up. Sure, he was a good provider, but he seemed to be just a below average husband and companion.

One day last year, she called me crying. In a moment of frustration, he said some really nasty things to her. She didn’t explain what their argument was about but she wanted to meet up and vent because she couldn’t talk to anyone else. She ended up unloading a whole lot of built up baggage that she was holding against him. His inability to be empathetic to her. “He never thinks about how tired I am, he only ever thinks about himself.” He NEVER helps out around the house. She works at her job and her side gig that she’s trying to get off the ground and has to come home and cook and clean for him and his daughter. The little annoyances and resentments that built up over the years. Him not wanting to ever travel with her. Sending her on trips by herself or with her friends. Him choosing to work over spending time with her and his daughter. She spent two hours just going down the list of things that has brought them to the place that I believe they were at before they were married.

One time her car broke down in traffic, she called him to come to her rescue. He was 15 minutes away, but he sent her the number of a tow truck company and he stayed on the phone with her. I guess that was a bit of effort :/ She did call the tow truck company, but called me right after and told me the situation. I teased her a bit, but I made my way there and had her car running before the tow truck ever showed up.

Slowly, I realized that there were opportunities where he could have stepped up and led as men should, but he fell short constantly. Outside of that one time, she never complained about him. I intuited this through conversation and saw some things with my own eyes. Today, I’d never let my girlfriend/wife do some of the things he made her do alone. I’m not saying that she doesn’t have agency in this situation, but I’m of the belief that given a stagnant marriage, people will cheat more often than not when a better option comes along.

Today, we’re still continuing our relationship. I know one day that it will have to end because we can’t keep this going forever. I love her and care about her wellbeing. I want what’s best for her and will end it eventually. I’m also a single man and want things in my life. I don’t want to be tied to a married woman for the rest of my life but I will never encourage her to leave her marriage. If she ever decides to do that, she will have to do it for herself and not for me.

I’ve seen discussions here that demonize cheaters. People aren’t one thing all the time. There is a lot of grey in between those blacks and whites. She could honestly be an absolute witch to her husband, but I doubt it from what I’ve seen. I’ve seen how she interacts with other people. She’s kind, patient, giving and cares deeply about her family. She just has her husband in the friend zone.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I didn’t read your novel but let me summarize for you. 
You are sleeping with a married woman despite knowing the heartbreak that a cheating spouse causes. She is a cheating skank.
Does this sum it up for you succinctly enough or do you really expect anyone to read your bs and sympathize with you?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Not a lot of grey here. Just a bunch of wrong.
A bunch of wrong and you are doing some major noodle scrambling gymnastics trying to make out what you two are doing as a “grey area”. You’re not a good person, and neither is she. You’re living a life if deceit, adultery, and shame. And knowingly choosing it.

I am especially appalled at how you describe her husband which you know nothing about.
I wouldn’t pick her sorry ass up either after years of being treated as second class garbage who she only stays with because you won’t step up as a man. You has all these feelings for her and let her get married? What does that About you?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Wow, even after experiencing the pain and anguish of being betrayed in a marriage you turn around and become a complete POS by F’ing some dudes wife not in a drunken ONS but have years of wanton sex, knowing she has sexually cut her husband off. You obviously learned nothing from your experience? 

The poor guy knows deep in his gut that something is wrong. He’s probably deeply depressed by it and is not going to be a great husband under these conditions. Yet this woman has the nerve to complain about the guy. Instead of telling this woman that “we can’t continue to do this”, you instead help this who.. hide it all.

You should have her confess her multi year sexual affair, so she can put this poor guy out of misery and to make sure she is more than fair in the divorce because this woman has never been a real wife and deserves nothing from this man.


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

jsmart said:


> Wow, even after experiencing the pain and anguish of being betrayed in a marriage you turn around and become a complete POS by F’ing some dudes wife not in a drunken ONS but have years of wanton sex, knowing she has sexually cut her husband off. You obviously learned nothing from your experience?


I guess I have rationalized it. I'm not him and I'm no longer in his situation. I sympathize with him but I don't care enough to stop.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

You clearly never recovered from your own spouse's betrayal and now think "well if it happened to me i dgaf it it happens to others".

Congrats on having no self control. If only there were millions of other single women you could talk to...


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

donaetrinz said:


> I guess I have rationalized it. I'm not him and I'm no longer in his situation. I sympathize with him but I don't care enough to stop.


Since you don’t care to stop, why don’t you get her to confess and divorce, so you 2 can run off into the sunset? Of course this was a rhetorical question because we all know why. You want the milk but don’t want to buy the cow. Further more, you know that if she’s able to coldly betray her husband for so many years, what’s to say , she won’t do the same to you. So you’ll keep on F’ing another man’s wife until the karma bus comes for you.


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

jsmart said:


> So you’ll keep on F’ing another man’s wife until the karma bus comes for you.


I honestly think this is why I ultimately chose to post. I've been meaning to put a stop to this for quite a while and needed a good whipping. I'm not doing it for her husbands sake, but for her sake and mines. I don't want to destroy her life. Honestly it's hard, but ultimately it has to be done. I'm addicted but I know what has to be done.

I know way too many people that are in or that have had affairs and it was easy to rationalize that "everyone does it". But I think I'm going to end it this weekend. Like I said in my original post, I don't want to influence her marriage. If she decides to leave, I don't want her to do it for me.

I'm honestly not afraid of her doing it to me, but I have no intentions of getting into a long term relationship again.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

donaetrinz said:


> I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable. I’ve posted on this forum in the past under a different name during my marriage issues and I feel like my story could be beneficial to the betrayed to get a glimpse into what goes into infidelity. This is going to be long, but please stick with me.
> 
> Today, I see infidelity everywhere. A lot of my coworkers, friends and family seem to have some side things going. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but I now know the signs to identify it when I see it. I learned a few things from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I learned even more by being party to infidelity...
> 
> ...


I read your epic..

Congratulations! You exchanged one defective woman for an even more defective one, and became more defective than either of them put together. 

Neither of you are kind, patient, giving or care about anyone but yourselves, you two deserve each other. You really should run off together, and spare her husband years of grief. How about petitioning to make a new Olympic category; mental gymnastics?

What is the point of posting here if you think we demonize cheaters?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

donaetrinz said:


> I honestly think this is why I ultimately chose to post. I've been meaning to put a stop to this for quite a while and needed a good whipping. I'm not doing it for her husbands sake, but for her sake and mines. I don't want to destroy her life. Honestly it's hard, but ultimately it has to be done. I'm addicted but I know what has to be done.
> 
> I know way too many people that are in or that have had affairs and it was easy to rationalize that "everyone does it". But I think I'm going to end it this weekend. Like I said in my original post, I don't want to influence her marriage. If she decides to leave, I don't want her to do it for me.
> 
> I'm honestly not afraid of her doing it to me, but I have no intentions of getting into a long term relationship again.


How do you feel when you look in the mirror? You should be better than this, you know too well how it feels to be on the receiving end. Do it for yourself, to not destroy your life.

Just because "way too many people are doing it" means you should? That is lemming thinking right there, you know what they do? Jump off cliffs because everyone is doing it. Stupidest justification from a grown ass adult I've ever heard. Try harder. 

You are influencing her marriage whether you intend or not with your presence. Do you even know if you're the only other lucky man she's ****ing? Do you use condoms? Or are you two in lurrve and above that? Watch it before you catch AIDS and pass it to her poor husband. 

Come on man, you know better, so DO better.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Meh… typical WW/OM situation.

Either way, you seem to be coping rather well with infidelity.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

donaetrinz said:


> I guess I have rationalized it. I'm not him and I'm no longer in his situation. I sympathize with him but I don't care enough to stop.


Dawg, you know the situation. One or more of the three of you are going to get hurt. That's a given and there is no way out. You and your squeeze are in love and always have been. If you ditch her, thinking that you are going to do the right thing and save their marriage, forget it. Their marriage started out as and is toast. Its fate was set before they applied for a marriage license. You two want to be together and nobody is going to be happy if you are not. She doesn't give a rats azz about the old boy, never has, and is with him only out of obligation. The most merciful thing that can happen is for her to tell him she wants a divorce and follow through with it, without any possibility of giving it another try, counseling et cetera. You stepping out of the picture ain't going make her realize what a prize she married and how lucky she is and live happily ever after. Reminds me of these schmucks on here that are hell bent to "get her out of the fog" and reconcile to save the marriage to a spouse who's clearly dragging their feet only to realize after the fact that the woman is really not into them and the only puzzy they get, is overstated as mercy sex. The woman wants to vomit every time the husband, that should have hit the trail when the writing was all over the wall, touches them. The only person in a fog is the schmuck trying to keep a woman who no longer want to be with him.
As I see it, the best solution is for her to ditch her old man (already long overdue) and the two of you stay together. Don't assume what's best for her is staying married to this guy. If they stay together and you move out of the picture, she's going to be miserable, you're going to be miserable, and the so called marriage the have will continue to be like living in a tomb. To much water under the bridge now my man. If I could send you back in time, I'd send you back before this chick got engaged, you know, natural course of relationships, with a copy of Elvis's "I want you, I need you, I love you, with all my heart", and tell you to play it while looking her in the eyes and singing along with Elvis. Now go do it.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

VladDracul said:


> Dawg, you know the situation. One or more of the three of you are going to get hurt. That's a given and there is no way out. You and your squeeze are in love and always have been. If you ditch her, thinking that you are going to do the right thing and save their marriage, forget it. Their marriage started out as and is toast. You two want to be together and nobody is going to be happy if you are not. She doesn't give a rats azz about the old boy, never has, and is with him only out of obligation. The most merciful thing that can happen is for her to tell him she wants a divorce and follow through with it, without any possibility of giving it another try, counseling et cetera. You stepping out of the picture ain't going make her realize what a prize she married and how lucky she is and live happily ever after. Reminds me of these schmucks on here that are hell bent to "get her out of the fog" and reconcile to save the marriage to a spouse who's clearly dragging their feet only to realize after the fact that the woman is really not into them and the only puzzy they get, is overstated as mercy sex. The woman wants to vomit every time the husband, that should have hit the trail when the writing was all over the wall, touches them. The only person in a fog is the schmuck trying to keep a woman who no longer want to be with him.
> As I see it, the best solution is for her to ditch her old man (already long overdue) and the two of you stay together. If they stay together and you move out of the picture, she's going to be miserable, you're going to be miserable, and the so called marriage the have will continue to be like living in a tomb. To much water under the bridge now my man.


It’s good but for one thing, the catch 22 is if he had a proper relationship with her, he would be the schmuck at home and she’d be getting her illicit thrill elsewhere. So he continues to be the other man stuck in the situation he created with a married woman. I actually pity both the dudes in this situation, they are both being used


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

VladDracul said:


> Dawg, you know the situation. One or more of the three of you are going to get hurt. That's a given and there is no way out. You and your squeeze are in love and always have been. If you ditch her, thinking that you are going to do the right thing and save their marriage, forget it. Their marriage started out as and is toast. You two want to be together and nobody is going to be happy if you are not. She doesn't give a rats azz about the old boy, never has, and is with him only out of obligation. The most merciful thing that can happen is for her to tell him she wants a divorce and follow through with it, without any possibility of giving it another try, counseling et cetera. You stepping out of the picture ain't going make her realize what a prize she married and how lucky she is and live happily ever after. Reminds me of these schmucks on here that are hell bent to "get her out of the fog" and reconcile to save the marriage to a spouse who's clearly dragging their feet only to realize after the fact that the woman is really not into them and the only puzzy they get, is overstated as mercy sex. The woman wants to vomit every time the husband, that should have hit the trail when the writing was all over the wall, touches them. The only person in a fog is the schmuck trying to keep a woman who no longer want to be with him.
> As I see it, the best solution is for her to ditch her old man (already long overdue) and the two of you stay together. If they stay together and you move out of the picture, she's going to be miserable, you're going to be miserable, and the so called marriage the have will continue to be like living in a tomb. To much water under the bridge now my man.


Vlad, thanks for the words bro. I agree with you wholeheartedly about the schmucks, as you put it, that try to get them out of the fog. I saw the writing on the wall since before they were married, it's crazy that he couldn't. Some guys get it... If you know, you know.

I've thought about just telling her to get a divorce, but she wants marriage. I can commit, but I'll never marry another woman. 

I don't believe people here when they say that the people that leave their marriages for their affair partners always regret it. I've seen it time and time again that some end up happy. 

My grandfather left my grandmother to be with her best friend. I imagine that it was hard for all at the time, but eventually they got over it after 3 more kids and multiple grandkids. Both he and his wife were loving parents and grandparents and had a great relationship up until they died.


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

Jamieboy said:


> It’s good but for one thing, the catch 22 is if he had a proper relationship with her, he would be the schmuck at home and she’d be getting her illicit thrill elsewhere. So he continues to be the other man stuck in the situation he created with a married woman. I actually pity both the dudes in this situation, they are both being used


I know you truly believe that Jamie, but go out and get some more life experience. This isn't the only married woman that I've had try things with me. I've been propositioned more than a handful of times but turned them down. Found out more about their marriages and they're just bored and not into their husbands.

This happens more than you want to know.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

First of all I have ZERO empathy for cheaters. If she was so crazy about you why did she even get married to someone else? Why would you pursue a married woman? To me that is almost as bad as her cheating. 

Even though I completely disagree with what you are doing I will give you my advice.. That is...If she does leave her husband for you just remember, if she will do it with you, she will also do it to you. Good luck!


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

donaetrinz said:


> don't believe people here when they say that the people that leave their marriages for their affair partners always regret it. I've seen it time and time again that some end up happy.


I expect there are probably about as many successful and failed affair partner marriage as there are the more traditional type marriages.


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## J_Money_Money (Aug 5, 2021)

donaetrinz said:


> • Self control is no match for biology.


Naaah, ********. When I was married, sex was painful for my wife (she had a condition that got solved years later)... basically, I wasn't what you would call "happy" in the marriage for the first 2-3 years.. and I had plenty of opportunity to cheat with women whose **** worked just fine. I worked in an office full of good looking, DTF single women, many of which made it clear they were into me. Plenty of opportunity and if I were a piece of ****, I could have easily justified doing it. 

But I never would have cheated and never did. Because I had this mysterious "self control" that you pretend doesn't exist. And I actually loved my wife despite her issues.

The worst part of your story is that you were once betrayed, too. And then you became your ex wife... I get that you have given up on love and all, which is sad...but that's not an excuse to just say **** it and just ruin someone's life.

Also, you're FOOLING YOURSELF if you believe "Melissa loves you." No, she just wants to have her husband and you on the side because SHE HAS ISSUES. If she loved YOU, she would have never married the dude in the first place and put all of her energy in being with YOU back then.

She has emotional issues and poor coping skills. She is a bottomless pit of emotional validation. No amount of male attention will EVER be enough for her, whether it's you or her husband or anyone else.

My favorite line from this whole clownshow:



donaetrinz said:


> I'm honestly not afraid of her doing it to me


LOL. Yeah because YOU are sooo special, right? She'd only betray her husband, but never YOU if you were her husband, right? Dude, you're both untrustworthy as an email from a Nigerian prince..And you probably aren't the only other guy in the picture. You are trusting the word of a known liar and known deceiver. There is no honor among thieves.. and you're both thieves.

If you can dig deep below the narcissistic shell that encases you and find that guy who was cheated on before, perhaps you can dig into what REALLY needs to be done here...and I think you know damn well that the husband DESERVES to know what he's really got in his "wife". But no, you're worried about "hurting her".. Snap out of it, dude. SHE is not the victim here. Her husband is. But of course, who cares about him, right?

I'll tell you something else.. you aren't "in love" with her. You may like the side of her personality that you get to see..with the rest of it so carefully hidden from view.. And you may like sex with her..

But you said it yourself, you're ADDICTED. That is not the same thing as love. And the honeymoon phase is also not love. I'll wager that neither you nor she knows the difference between the honeymoon phase and love, either. And because of that, you and she are both destined to be forever chasing that next high.. she'll f*ck guy after guy for the rest of her life until she gets help.

Which, by the way, is something you both need. Help. Go get some counseling, man. Seriously.

You implied that part of why you're posting here is because you know what you're doing is so wrong and to me it sounds like a cry for help. Unfortunately, none of us are going to be a therapist for you. But you should find one. 

Also, you still blame yourself for your own wife's cheating. You've accepted the blame. Granted, I'm not saying that it's ok if people get lazy in their relationships or marriages.. I'm not. But what I am saying is that there are appropriate ways to deal with relationship issues and inappropriate ways to deal with them. Adults and otherwise rational, sane people get counseling, have hard conversations with one another, and/or get a divorce. You've basically justified what your ex wife did to you and by extension used it as justification for your own role in this other woman's infidelity.

I'm not going to verbally bash you too much here because I can see that everyone else has already done that anyhow. Even though I, too, am a betrayed spouse and I think guys like you should be handled with old testament justice...I don't say that jokingly, either. In any case, you know what you've done here is wrong AF. You don't need any of us to tell you that.

You need to get your **** together and the best thing you can do to make it right is to tell the husband what's going on. Short of that, yeah cut off contact with that tramp and move along.

You WILL reap what you sow. It's only a matter of time. If I were you, I'd be digging up every one of those seeds from the soil and throwing them in the trash.


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

Willnotbill said:


> First of all I have ZERO empathy for cheaters. If she was so crazy about you why did she even get married to someone else? Why would you pursue a married woman? To me that is almost as bad as her cheating.
> 
> Even though I completely disagree with what you are doing I will give you my advice.. That is...If she does leave her husband for you just remember, if she will do it with you, she will also do it to you. Good luck!


I have no doubt that she would leave. She hints at it all the time.
Why pursue a married woman? I tried to cut it off numerous times. Things happened and I got tired fighting it. Good intentions from both of us weren't enough.

I'd really like to hear a woman's perspective on my story. I got the exact responses that I'd expect from men. I'd really like to hear what a woman has to say about all of this.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Damn, I am not feeling hot married again either. Is this what people are really like? Damn


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

donaetrinz said:


> I have no doubt that she would leave. She hints at it all the time.
> Why pursue a married woman? I tried to cut it off numerous times. Things happened and I got tired fighting it. Good intentions from both of us weren't enough.
> 
> I'd really like to hear a woman's perspective on my story. I got the exact responses that I'd expect from men. I'd really like to hear what a woman has to say about all of this.


I already gave you a woman's perspective.


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

J_Money_Money said:


> But you said it yourself, you're ADDICTED. That is not the same thing as love.


Love is a drug my man. It's just dopamine. Of course I'm not saying that I'm literally addicted. I'm just in love with her. We've since cooled from the honeymoon period. We've been together for almost 4 years. The honeymoon period is over. She wants to meet me after a long day and hold my hand and tell me about her day before she goes home.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

donaetrinz said:


> I have no doubt that she would leave. She hints at it all the time.
> Why pursue a married woman? I tried to cut it off numerous times. Things happened and I got tired fighting it. Good intentions from both of us weren't enough.
> 
> I'd really like to hear a woman's perspective on my story. I got the exact responses that I'd expect from men. I'd really like to hear what a woman has to say about all of this.


Woman here. Simply put, she’s playing you both so hard.
Don’t know why you’d think a woman’s opinion would be different.


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

Spoons027 said:


> Woman here. Simply put, she’s playing you both so hard.
> Don’t know why you’d think a woman’s opinion would be different.


Because women's minds are totally different from men. Just wanted additional perspective.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

I mean, what exactly are you looking for? Validation for your actions? Some random internet poster's approval?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

donaetrinz said:


> I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable.


Ugh...is there a TL : DR?

This is like trying to read War and Peace.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm a woman. Not been cheated on so I don't have any ax to grind. 

I think it's amazing you can think this woman is any kind of a quality person. She is as ****ed up and awful as they come. A man's worst nightmare. She got married knowing she absolutely was not interested in the person she married and had been cheating on him forever. 

I hope he dumps her and is able to **** her over huge in the divorce.


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## J_Money_Money (Aug 5, 2021)

donaetrinz said:


> Love is a drug my man. It's just dopamine.


Nope, it's not. Love is an active thing. It's sacrificial and not self serving, among a lot of other traits. What she is doing is certainly self serving. What you are describing is not love. It's passive, it's something that happens to you. I said it before and I'll say it again, neither of you knows what love actually is. Lust and love are not the same. You are in a fantasy world where you don't have to smell her **** after she uses the restroom, you don't have to see her mope around the house with no makeup, you don't have to listen to her complain about any and everything that upsets her, etc. etc..

In any case, there's no point in arguing the definition of it.. what you're a part of here is ****ed up and you know it. You went from a BS to an AP. And like the other woman already told you and I told you, YOU AREN'T THAT SPECIAL TO HER. She's playing both of you, and probably some others, too. 

She is the type that can't just be content with knowing a man loves her. She needs endless amounts of male attention because again, SHE HAS PROBLEMS. She tells you how "special" you are and all, but she would treat you the same way she treats her husband. 

I'm done here. You know what you need to do. You're either going to man up and do it, or not. 

But just know, it's only a matter of time before **** blows up. Is this **** worth losing your life over? Because make no mistake, it could happen. It happens EVERY SINGLE DAY in this world. An AP is taken off the planet because a betrayed husband must even things out. You ok with risking your life? Because that's another thing you're doing here. I'll tell you one thing.. the ONLY reason my ex-wife's AP is still breathing is simply because I am smart enough to know that there was no way to take him out without getting caught..modern policing is just too good.. without special training, it's just too tough. He certainly isn't above ground because I have compassion for him..or because I lack the ability or resources to turn him into a heaping pile of non functioning biological matter..But what if not everyone is as thoughtful as I am? Because guess what.. they aren't.. you throw those kind of emotions into the equation and even many a thinking man will take you out before you even have the time to consider what's happening to you. Do you know how fast bullets fly, bro? Faster than you can run, that's how fast. 

You really need to pull your head out of your rectum, pal. 

And that's it. I'm done.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

J_Money_Money said:


> Nope, it's not. Love is an active thing.


I learned from the philosopher J. Lopez that love don’t cost a thing.


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

J_Money_Money said:


> the ONLY reason my ex-wife's AP is still breathing is simply because I am smart enough to know that there was no way to take him out without getting caught..modern policing is just too good.. without special training, it's just too tough. He certainly isn't above ground because I have compassion for him..or because I lack the ability or resources to turn him into a heaping pile of non functioning biological matter..


I'm sorry that she hurt you but nothing is ever worth losing your freedom over. After my marriage ended, I was ****ing angry at her and never the OM. Months after everything was done, I contacted him at my weakest point and made him understand that he owed me nothing but I wanted to know what he had with my wife.

I wanted to understand why my ex-wife would do what she did. I thought I was meeting her expectations. She was and still is a wonderful woman and from all indications and what I'm told they have a really great marriage today. I got a good look at how her AP stacked up to me and understood what he gave to her and how he made her feel. I had to take a good long look at my shortcomings as a man. I understand that it's hard to accept, but complacency is a relationship killer. There has to be some level of lust as the foundation of a good strong relationship. I've realized this while dating over the last decade.

You accepted your wife back? I'm sorry, but some guys get it, you really don't.

That said, I hear what you're saying. I'll probably end it this weekend. If she decides that she wants to leave her marriage and follow me then... ok.

Thanks for all of your comments.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Let me summarise it for you - you are a piece of ****.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

It’s telling what a complete sociopath she must be when she voiced the typical cheating wife boohoo wah wah wah “he doesn’t think of me” “he doesn’t know how hard it is for me” bs. It’s always about -them-. She doesn’t think about or consider her husband at all. Quite sickening.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

I’m curious as to how these meetups occurred. Were they during work hours or lunch breaks so the husband wouldn’t have known? Were they the typical “I have to work late” excuse? There’s no way this would have slipped by me for this long if I was that dude. ‘Share my location’ on iPhone texts makes it easy to see where someone is and can be turned on without them even knowing.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

johndoe12299 said:


> You clearly never recovered from your own spouse's betrayal and now think "well if it happened to me i dgaf it it happens to others".
> 
> Congrats on having no self control. If only there were millions of other single women you could talk to...


Or integity


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## J_Money_Money (Aug 5, 2021)

donaetrinz said:


> You accepted your wife back? I'm sorry, but some guys get it, you really don't.


No, I wasn't given the opportunity. But even if I had been given it, it would have never worked. I would never have trusted or respected her again, there was just no way.

I'm not sure what you mean by "some guys get it, you really don't." Not sure I even want to know. 

The rest of your comment.. just, ugggh man..This has already been covered. Complacency is a relationship killer, we agree on that. But again, there are appropriate ways to handle relationship grievances...up to and including divorce.. but cheating is NEVER justified. NEVER. Get it through your head, dude. NEVER. You're still accepting blame and allowing that your ex-wife's actions were justified. They weren't. Neither are this woman's who you are involved with. 

You come across like a guy who has never read, much less repeated wedding vows. If there's ONE THING that people who marry agree on - JUST ONE THING - it's to remain faithful. It's not "I promise not to cheat on you unless I become upset." If THAT is your standard - then you have no business getting married. Period. And if you want a polyamorous relationship, then that needs to be made clear BEFORE the wedding. 



donaetrinz said:


> I'll probably end it this weekend. If she decides that she wants to leave her marriage and follow me then... ok.


As sick as this is, it's better than the circus of lies that you all have been perpetuating. But you have apparently made your decision.. Which begs the question, why did you even post here? You were going to set an ultimatum for a married woman to go with you or not anyhow, so what did you expect? For everyone to cheer you on?

You know what the right thing to do is. You are convincing yourself that you can and should do something else.

I'd say that I hope the husband wipes you from the face of the earth, but then that would also ruin his life. 

Why don't you do the one thing that you know you should do? Why not get some counseling? Serious question. You know what you're doing is wrong. You come here and post this. Literally everyone is telling you not to be a piece of $h!t.. and you walk away from this thinking you'll just set an ultimatum and maybe she'll go with you? 

And still, you're using your ex-wife's decisions as justification for what you're doing. SUPER unhealthy, my dude. I'm not being a d!ck in saying this: get professional help.


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## J_Money_Money (Aug 5, 2021)

donaetrinz said:


> I'm sorry that she hurt you but nothing is ever worth losing your freedom over.


You're talking to me as if I am unsure if I should take him out. I already made my decision, this isn't about me. READ IT AGAIN, dude. This is about what MIGHT POTENTIALLY happen to you. Just because you took your wife's betrayal the way you did means nothing. MOST MEN would kill you if they thought they could get away with it, and some would do it whether or not they believe they could get away with it. Do you know her husband at all? Have you seen him at his worst? Do you know what he's capable of? You're gambling not only with your own life, but maybe even hers. 

It's like you hear, but you don't listen. PEOPLE GET TAKEN OUT EVERY DAY IN THIS WORLD for doing exactly what you're doing. 

You're going to sit here and tell me nothing is worth my freedom... this 'aint about me.. this is about you.. this is about ME telling YOU that this tramp isn't worth YOUR LIFE. 

Do you understand, dude? Men kill over this $h!t all the time, dude.


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## donaetrinz (Aug 9, 2021)

J_Money_Money said:


> and you walk away from this thinking you'll just set an ultimatum and maybe she'll go with you?


I said multiple times in my replies that I don't want to influence any decision that she makes. I'm never going to give anyone an ultimatum. I'll tell her I'm leaving and I'll state my reasons. I'll wish her and her family well.

If in subsequent weeks or months that she decides to leave her marriage and she contacts me, we will see what happens.



J_Money_Money said:


> And still, you're using your ex-wife's decisions as justification for what you're doing.


I'm not using it as a justification. This is simple math for me. Something happened for a reason. I wanted to know what the reason is. I see the parallel to my current situation. Something is happening for a reason and I understand what that reason is. It's as simple as that. Man likes woman, woman likes man. Man makes her feel things that other man can't and never did. She doesn't know why and is compelled to act... We're all just animals at the end of the day.



J_Money_Money said:


> I'm not sure what you mean by "some guys get it, you really don't." Not sure I even want to know.


If you know you know. I hope you get it one day. Until then, take care of yourself and I appreciate the dialog. It's given me a lot to think about.


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## SRCSRC (Nov 28, 2020)

You of all people should know how wrong it is to cheat and how much pain it causes. You are weak. You had your chance with her before she got married but you sat back. You knew she liked you and you liked her. But you just let things slide. That is the sign of a gutless coward. Now you have entered into this disgusting affair. She is terrible for marrying someone she doesn't love. The both of you should confess to her husband and let the chips fall where they may. If it is not enough that the two of you aren't even sure that you want to be committed to each other, what in hell are you doing? You enjoy the rush of an affair, but if you were a true couple, she would end up cheating on you. That is your big fear. She probably would. Grow a pair and do the right thing for a change.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

“I don't believe people here when they say that the people that leave their marriages for their affair partners always regret it. I've seen it time and time again that some end up happy.”

And yet you’re quite adamant that you won’t marry her! And you’ve spent most of the relationship trying to end it?? You’re even going to end it again this weekend!

Is it you that actually believes what other people say, as you stated above?

So I’m short, more than five years of loving her (no other woman can move you the way she does, and you’ve had so many), during which time you’ve tried to break up numerous times. And you won’t marry her.


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## J_Money_Money (Aug 5, 2021)

donaetrinz said:


> I said multiple times in my replies that I don't want to influence any decision that she makes. I'm never going to give anyone an ultimatum. I'll tell her I'm leaving and I'll state my reasons. I'll wish her and her family well.
> 
> If in subsequent weeks or months that she decides to leave her marriage and she contacts me, we will see what happens.


You're already influencing by virtue of the fact that you are an affair partner to a married woman. So cut the ****. She has problems to begin with as evidenced by the fact that she's capable and willing to lie to her husband for a number of years, and if you truly believe that you have no influence with your complicity, you're retarded AF. But see, we both know you're not retarded and that you have at least some influence here. It'll turn into an ultimatum even if you aren't overtly aiming for that - UNLESS - you're willing to walk away and stay away no matter what she does or doesn't do. 



donaetrinz said:


> I'm not using it as a justification. This is simple math for me. Something happened for a reason. I wanted to know what the reason is. I see the parallel to my current situation. Something is happening for a reason and I understand what that reason is. It's as simple as that. Man likes woman, woman likes man. Man makes her feel things that other man can't and never did. She doesn't know why and is compelled to act... We're all just animals at the end of the day.


Yeah, you are using it for a justification. And no, we're not just animals. You know better. But it's easier for you to claim such a status because it then further justifies your ******** actions here. If you claim no more of a intellectual capacity or moral code than a chimp, then anything is permissible, isn't it? And yet, you have even admitted already that what you're doing is wrong. That admission, in of itself, shows that you know you're more than "just an animal." If we were just animals, then f*cking canines would be driving automobiles that they built themselves and wouldn't still be sniffing each other's asses after taking a fresh dump. 

Something DID happen for a reason, you're right about that. And again, the REASON - and I can't stress this enough - is that YOUR TWO-TIMING "GIRLFIREND" ISN'T EMOTIONALLY MATURE ENOUGH TO PUT ON HER BIG GIRL PANTIES AND HANDLE HER ISSUES LIKE A ***ING ADULT. If she - or anyone else on the planet - isn't happy in a relationship, there are literally hundreds of appropriate ways to deal with it. She could get a divorce. She could go to counseling with her hubby. She could have hard conversations. Etc. etc. There are many proper ways to deal with whatever her issue is, and not a single f***ing one of them includes cheating. Period, motherf***er. Why did she marry him and not you? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Why didn't she break up with him and date you waaaaay back in the day? Do you have any logical, sensible, sane answer for that question? No, you don't. All you have is "we're animals" and "dopamine" and blah blah blah. 



donaetrinz said:


> If you know you know. I hope you get it one day. Until then, take care of yourself and I appreciate the dialog. It's given me a lot to think about.


Oh please, enlighten me. Seriously. What is it I don't know? That cheating can be justified? Go ahead. Tell us all. I'm sure we can handle it.


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## BadGrammar (Oct 29, 2017)

Wow. What a deluded A-hole.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Who cares. What you are doing is evil.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

donaetrinz said:


> I'd really like to hear a woman's perspective on my story. I got the exact responses that I'd expect from men. I'd really like to hear what a woman has to say about all of this.


My perspective based on your words, is that you’re allowing yourself to be played. Again. The first red flags (aside from having a boyfriend) were her pretending to be into the things you are, in order to garner your attention. It worked. I personally am cautious around people (even just another woman trying to befriend me) who indicates that kind of thing, as observationally, it gives me the sense of inauthenticity, potential manipulation, perhaps insecurity, and ultimately not someone I’d trust or feel comfortable around.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

donaetrinz said:


> I’ve seen discussions here that demonize cheaters. People aren’t one thing all the time. There is a lot of grey in between those blacks and whites. She could honestly be an absolute witch to her husband, but I doubt it from what I’ve seen. I’ve seen how she interacts with other people. She’s kind, patient, giving and cares deeply about her family. She just has her husband in the friend zone.


That’s what she’s allowed you and others to see. I’d hazard a guess that she’s learned from a young age to bend to the expectations of others to be accepted, liked, validated, and while avoiding confrontation; alongside tactics that can influence and manipulate some people to get what she wants. That’s my judgemental take. I’d then wonder what you may have learned (or not learned) from a young age to find that attractive and be pulled in by it. Anyway, that’s enough judgy stuff from me.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

I’m beginning to think this whole post was total bs designed just to get a rise out of everyone. The whole scenario sounds far fetched. As someone who has been cheated on I can’t imagine doing the same thing to someone else. I was once that guy being laughed at. There’s no way I’d do that to someone else. You’d have to be a total sociopath. What’s my reasoning? Uh there’s literally tons of single people. Why would I get tangled up in this kind of drama? What purpose does that achieve? Aggrandizing your insecure ego?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I didn’t read your novel but let me summarize for you.
> You are sleeping with a married woman despite knowing the heartbreak that a cheating spouse causes. She is a cheating skank.
> Does this sum it up for you succinctly enough or do you really expect anyone to read your bs and sympathize with you?



^^This.

Also, cheaters lie - you can't trust a word that comes out of her mouth, especially about the state of her marriage and how her husband treats her. Cheaters rewrite history to justify their appalling choices, all the time.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

donaetrinz said:


> I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable. I’ve posted on this forum in the past under a different name during my marriage issues and I feel like my story could be beneficial to the betrayed to get a glimpse into what goes into infidelity. This is going to be long, but please stick with me.
> 
> Today, I see infidelity everywhere. A lot of my coworkers, friends and family seem to have some side things going. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but I now know the signs to identify it when I see it. I learned a few things from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I learned even more by being party to infidelity...
> 
> ...


Well you certainly deserved your skank of an ex-wife.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

.......


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@donaetrinz Have you considered the possibility that you are, unconsciously, getting revenge on your former wife by indulging in the same type of workplace affair that she was involved in?

What has your AP's husband ever done to you that you feel able or willing to help **** his marriage up?

I think that counselling might help you as you seem to have unresolved issues that need dealing with.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

donaetrinz said:


> I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable. I’ve posted on this forum in the past under a different name during my marriage issues and I feel like my story could be beneficial to the betrayed to get a glimpse into what goes into infidelity. This is going to be long, but please stick with me.
> 
> Today, I see infidelity everywhere. A lot of my coworkers, friends and family seem to have some side things going. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but I now know the signs to identify it when I see it. I learned a few things from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I learned even more by being party to infidelity...
> 
> ...


I didn't read most of that. Too long.....too much unneeded "life story" kind of stuff. Just get to the point and the specific situation.
I'd say the title says all I need to know.

Boundaries. If she is married.....YOU stay away from her. Cut contact, let those feelings starve. You wouldn't have "fallen in love" unless you were spending WAAAAY TOOO much time with her.
She is married. End of story. Don't see or talk to her again. Walk away.
Do the right thing.


Do the right thing.



Do the right thing.

Starve your feelings they'll go away.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

hinterdir said:


> I didn't read most of that. Too long.....too much unleaded "life story" kind of stuff. Just get to the point and the specific situation.
> I'd say the title says all I need to know.
> 
> Boundaries. If she is married.....YOU stay away from her. Cut contact, let those feelings starve. You wouldn't have "fallen in love" unless you were spending WAAAAY TOOO much time with her.
> ...


You should read the entire post because it's already too late for what you just said.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

You helped someone destroy their marriage and break their partner’s heart. 

What’s next for you? Move into DogFighting? Or perhaps scamming the elderly.

I think you need heavy therapy. And perhaps time to start volunteering forcharities that help those in need.

You’ll dismiss what I have to say, but I think there’s a darkness in your soul that’s only going to get worse. I’m not talking in a religious way, I don’t believe in any of that, but in a true psychological way.

What you have done is more awful than you yourself believe and you’re simply trying to justify it to everyone and even worse, to yourself. It won’t work. No matter how hard you try to make up excuses for what you have done.

If you’re not already, get into therapy. If you were in it before, it didn’t work but doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Seems as though conscience and integrity are not some of the OP's qualities. He has zero room to judge his wife for her actions given what he has done himself.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I think I understand some of what OP has to say. I have no interest in another attempt at committed monogamous relationship. I don't think I could see myself having any part in marital infidelity, though, having come to know so well the heartless cruelty of it. And marriage works sometimes. I've seen it.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Wrecking someone's marriage ain't about love.... that's akin to hate.


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## Icemanvikings (Aug 14, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> I didn’t read your novel but let me summarize for you.
> You are sleeping with a married woman despite knowing the heartbreak that a cheating spouse causes. She is a cheating skank.
> Does this sum it up for you succinctly enough or do you really expect anyone to read your bs and sympathize with you?





donaetrinz said:


> I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable. I’ve posted on this forum in the past under a different name during my marriage issues and I feel like my story could be beneficial to the betrayed to get a glimpse into what goes into infidelity. This is going to be long, but please stick with me.
> 
> Today, I see infidelity everywhere. A lot of my coworkers, friends and family seem to have some side things going. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but I now know the signs to identify it when I see it. I learned a few things from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I learned even more by being party to infidelity...
> 
> ...


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## Icemanvikings (Aug 14, 2021)

donaetrinz said:


> I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable. I’ve posted on this forum in the past under a different name during my marriage issues and I feel like my story could be beneficial to the betrayed to get a glimpse into what goes into infidelity. This is going to be long, but please stick with me.
> 
> Today, I see infidelity everywhere. A lot of my coworkers, friends and family seem to have some side things going. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but I now know the signs to identify it when I see it. I learned a few things from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I learned even more by being party to infidelity...
> 
> ...





donaetrinz said:


> I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable. I’ve posted on this forum in the past under a different name during my marriage issues and I feel like my story could be beneficial to the betrayed to get a glimpse into what goes into infidelity. This is going to be long, but please stick with me.
> 
> Today, I see infidelity everywhere. A lot of my coworkers, friends and family seem to have some side things going. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but I now know the signs to identify it when I see it. I learned a few things from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I learned even more by being party to infidelity...
> 
> ...





donaetrinz said:


> I don’t know if posting here from the other side is acceptable. I’ve posted on this forum in the past under a different name during my marriage issues and I feel like my story could be beneficial to the betrayed to get a glimpse into what goes into infidelity. This is going to be long, but please stick with me.
> 
> Today, I see infidelity everywhere. A lot of my coworkers, friends and family seem to have some side things going. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but I now know the signs to identify it when I see it. I learned a few things from my marriage and subsequent divorce. I learned even more by being party to infidelity...
> 
> ...


I fell for someone I met on Yahoo chat who happened to be a Wiccan. I don't know what the odds of this happening would be but we ended up in class together in graduate school. She has just lost her husband so she was a new Widow it already had a boyfriend but I told her I would be happy to be her second. We never did anything remotely intimate until I told her goodbye. The deal is that I actually had five internet girlfriends and was having cyber sex with women almost everyday. My wife has just had a heart attack and I didn't think we'd have any kind of life after. I guess I was sizing other women up for her replacement. So even know Diana was my main girlfriend, I had Kathy who I was working for another girl named Kate who I met on New Year's Eve another girl named Susie who I was chatting with almost every day. While doing all this I was drinking heavily deep down I knew that I was wrong because despite all my wife's bad habits I still loved her as I do today even though doesn't love me anymore. So now I'm not completely without retribution even though I'm clean and sober now, I have immerse myself in my music and it's helped me to persevere. That's the key to find something that makes you better than Who You Are a talent or an aptitude to do something great. Involvement with married man or woman gay or straight or bisexual whatever is dysfunctional and should be stopped at once. However I'm still not perfect. I find myself playing erotic sex games and watching pornography movie almost on a daily basis. If you're dating a married woman chances are there's somebody else also doing it's. Because this person clearly has issues with fidelity so chances are you may be part of a harem for them. So to avoid a lot of heartache you must do some soul-searching and set yourself straight. You need to set up a risk reward chart just see if what you're doing is really worth it


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## Halikidito (Aug 14, 2021)

donaetrinz said:


> I guess I have rationalized it. I'm not him and I'm no longer in his situation. I sympathize with him but I don't care enough to stop.


You'll eventually get your karma. And I seriously hope it involves the husband kicking your ass and beating the **** out of you.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

What a heartless tale. You have commited adultery with full knowledge of the pain it causes. Phone the guy and tell him.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Cheaters cheat. that comes with the "definition" of the word "cheater".

so what do you hope to accomplish, just the odd roll in the hay?

or do you want her to divorce and marry you? (in which case, refer to the top sentence above)


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I was sick last night after reading this.

Anyone that’s been screwed over like this lady’s hubby and survived and maintained their dignity and is still kind to others- you’re an amazing human being and I hope God rewards you greatly in the next life... and I am sorry if I’ve ever offended you.


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## FalleN.1ms (Apr 1, 2021)

.


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## Baby Fark McGee-Zax (Aug 14, 2021)

donaetrinz said:


> Vlad, thanks for the words bro. I agree with you wholeheartedly about the schmucks, as you put it, that try to get them out of the fog. I saw the writing on the wall since before they were married, it's crazy that he couldn't. Some guys get it... If you know, you know.
> 
> I've thought about just telling her to get a divorce, but she wants marriage. I can commit, but I'll never marry another woman.
> 
> ...


Get off your high horse and stop feeling superior to her husband for not seeing what you so clearly saw. You're basically trashing him for being in love with his new wife and so trusting of her. You were viewing everything from the perspective of being a deceitful cheater, so of course you saw something else, while he was viewing her through the lens of being happily married to a woman that was just as crazy for him. It's not like she pretended she was happy to be marrying him and lied to him about the real state of their relationship. Oh...wait. That's exactly what she did. You act like he was the interloper in this situation and you take jabs at him, and the irony is you are in the same exact fog you criticize him for! You can't see the forest for the trees either, and you have the massive advantage over the husband by knowing the true deceitful and illicit state of your relationship with her. You, your "soulmate" and your ex wife are all cut from the same, disgusting cloth. And you dare to judge him as a husband? Seriously? He's been gaslit, lied to, treated like garbage, forced into a life of celibacy, used for his financial contributions to the marriage for YEARS (these are all forms of abuse), and has never been told why but please go on about how he's just terrible for not eating the sh!t sandwiches with a smile that you both have been serving him all this time. I'm so sick of seeing things like this where the cheaters make themselves out to be the victims and the abused one the villain.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Please reread your post. Well into it you give up her real name where you started out calling her some other name. You should edit it. Obviously you can find it with search on page 1. 

Then you should tell her to tell her husband about the two of you or you will. He shouldn't be with her since she's just living with him for a place to do the laundry while she preps herself for your little jollies. She's not a wife and he's just a sucker as WW criticizes him. 

I don't think you'll do anything except keep it going since your **** is more important to you than the state of that sucker's marriage.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Baby Fark McGee-Zax said:


> Get off your high horse and stop feeling superior to her husband for not seeing what you so clearly saw. You're basically trashing him for being in love with his new wife and so trusting of her. You were viewing everything from the perspective of being a deceitful cheater, so of course you saw something else, while he was viewing her through the lens of being happily married to a woman that was just as crazy for him. It's not like she pretended she was happy to be marrying him and lied to him about the real state of their relationship. Oh...wait. That's exactly what she did. You act like he was the interloper in this situation and you take jabs at him, and the irony is you are in the same exact fog you criticize him for! You can't see the forest for the trees either, and you have the massive advantage over the husband by knowing the true deceitful and illicit state of your relationship with her. You, your "soulmate" and your ex wife are all cut from the same, disgusting cloth. And you dare to judge him as a husband? Seriously? He's been gaslit, lied to, treated like garbage, forced into a life of celibacy, used for his financial contributions to the marriage for YEARS (these are all forms of abuse), and has never been told why but please go on about how he's just terrible for not eating the sh!t sandwiches with a smile that you both have been serving him all this time. I'm so sick of seeing things like this where the cheaters make themselves out to be the victims and the abused one the villain.


Couldn't agree more. OP knows what she's truly like behind closed doors (Extremely deceitful and manipulative) but still proclaims to love her. 




> When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. ~Maya Angelou


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Baby Fark McGee-Zax said:


> you dare to judge him as a husband? Seriously? He's been gaslit, lied to, treated like garbage, forced into a life of celibacy, used for his financial contributions to the marriage for YEARS (these are all forms of abuse), and has never been told why but please go on about how he's just terrible for not eating the sh!t sandwiches with a smile that you both have been serving him all this time. I'm so sick of seeing things like this where the cheaters make themselves out to be the victims and the abused one the villain.


Great post. This is the same bs my ex did to me when she cheated. Gaslit me and tried to place all the blame on me. I think the OP is really insecure sexually and has to try and make himself feel superior. If she's doing whatever the OP wants sexually it's just a form of her own manipulation to get him to stay with her. Not because she suddenly wants anal or whatever. Don't flatter yourself. That's what I said to the OM when I broke up with my ex. I said if you want my sloppy seconds that's fine dude, by all means, I've had her six ways to Sunday already.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Wtf. You were even at their wedding. What a sick and twisted game. The man deserves to know the truth and deserves to be with someone who is actually faithful, and in love with him and not using him. You both are trash and deserve each other. You are both the worst types of cheaters. Did she have some perverted kick out of you being at their wedding? The whole thing is sick and dangerous.

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

"Did she have some perverted kick out of you being at their wedding?"

They both did...Pretty sure the OP felt on top of the world in that humiliating for the groom and pretty twisted for the "wife" situation.


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

She doesn't love you, she is playing with you having her good time, of course she doesn't love her husband neither, she is a heartless gold digger. 
She is as nasty as you are.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

donaetrinz said:


> I have no doubt that she would leave. She hints at it all the time.
> Why pursue a married woman? I tried to cut it off numerous times. Things happened and I got tired fighting it. Good intentions from both of us weren't enough.
> 
> I'd really like to hear a woman's perspective on my story. I got the exact responses that I'd expect from men. I'd really like to hear what a woman has to say about all of this.


As a woman I would say it's about time you did the right thing and stopped seeing her. 
Of course most people don't cheat and even if they did, that just goes to show what immoral people they are.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Of course most people don't cheat


I don't know if this is right, statistically. Surprising to me, but I have learned a lot in the past few years. My eyes have been opened to some things. One of them is incidence of infidelity. Another is the rate of marriage failure following infidelity. I had thought infidelity was rare and reserved for people you could easily spot as high risk. I also had thought that in most cases a marriage survives infidelity. Neither appears to be true. That was relatively recent news to me.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

Harken Banks said:


> I also had thought that in most cases a marriage survives infidelity.


A quick google search could've debunked that. What did you learn in the past years that you didn't know before?


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## amorous_1 (Nov 29, 2010)

I appreciate the OP sharing the story even if it's hard to know the truth of it. Lotta times you see things like this they are drive-by posts with little follow-up and just put there to get a response for someone's amusement. May not be the case here, who knows.

I think what these two are acting like a couple of degenerates. Yes human beings have primal urges and emotional responses to things that conflict with rational decision making. However, we have rational minds, and we can make good choices when we have good character. The right thing for OP to do here is to end it and tell the husband what has been going on. And apologize wholeheartedly.

And the story of her being stranded and husband asking her to call for a tow. Then OP comes swooping in and gets her car running. Sounds to me like her husband made a good choice here. Probably should've just left her on the side of the road for dead at this point. I mean she's having sex with another man. He should give absolutely 0.0 cares about her at this point.

Marriages can work and I agree - I've seen it to. That said, I don't think I'd ever do it again. If the one I'm in now fails there will not be another period end of story. It is so easy for a person to become complacent and comfortable. It takes a lot of work to keep her from getting bored and losing her attraction for you. And even then there are no guarantees. I truly admire those that have been together for 20+ years and are still hot for each other and in love and lust.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Here’s a woman’s input: You’re a deluded fool if you think this girl has any true feelings for anyone other than herself. I think in your fantasy she’s gonna leave him for you because she just loves you so much she’ll just have to chase you. Except she’s had YEARS to do that and hasn’t. I think you like feeling like you’re the one who gives her what she wants because you’re not over your ex wife’s opinion that you didn’t for her. “See!!! I can give a woman what she wants and needs…see!!!! She’s married and STILL can’t stay away from me!!”

You need some serious help and I really pray to God I don’t know you personally. I would hate to have someone like you in my life.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

donaetrinz said:


> *I said multiple times in my replies that I don't want to influence any decision that she makes*. I'm never going to give anyone an ultimatum. I'll tell her I'm leaving and I'll state my reasons. I'll wish her and her family well.
> 
> If in subsequent weeks or months that she decides to leave her marriage and she contacts me, we will see what happens.
> 
> ...


you’re pretty dense if don’t you realize that it’s a little late to say you don’t want any influence. You’ve been influencing her for a long ass time.


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## fluffycoco (May 29, 2021)

notmyjamie said:


> Here’s a woman’s input: You’re a deluded fool if you think this girl has any true feelings for anyone other than herself. I think in your fantasy she’s gonna leave him for you because she just loves you so much she’ll just have to chase you. Except she’s had YEARS to do that and hasn’t. I think you like feeling like you’re the one who gives her what she wants because you’re not over your ex wife’s opinion that you didn’t for her. “See!!! I can give a woman what she wants and needs…see!!!! She’s married and STILL can’t stay away from me!!”
> 
> You need some serious help and I really pray to God I don’t know you personally. I would hate to have someone like you in my life.


That is exactly what I am thinking of about him


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You wrote in an earlier post that you would "never be in a long term relationship again", yet you have been in a relationship with this woman since 2013. That's fairly long term.


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