# Spouse as a business partner - Is this a problem?



## macey8 (May 2, 2015)

Hi everyone! 

Is it too difficult to work with your spouse as business partners on top of being life partners?

Here's the issue:

My stepdad and mom lent us funds to set up a business. My husband and I run a little grocery store. My husband attends to the business full time meaning he is present at the store during the day while I check in with him for updates and sales every night. My husband runs the day t- day operations while I am in charge of allocating funds and reports. 

The business has been a long time dream of ours. We both wanted it so when my stepdad learned about and offered to lend us the funds, we went ahead and grabbed the opportunity. 

We have been running the business for over a year now. It was not an easy year. We had to endure some trials and errors, tried out different strategies to find out which one suits us best, we learned lessons about money management and we learned them the hard way. We had lots of fights about the business too. 

What were our fights about? Well, I really get upset and irritated about the way he works with me. The problem is - he does not seem to want to work with me as his business partner. He is not transparent about things that occurred in the business, or he doesn't ask my opinion before making certain business decisions. My husband seems to have a problem managing the finances, and as his partner, I feel that it is my responsibility to try and lead him to the right direction so we can both benefit if and when the business grows. 

Arguments continued to occur, poor money management still went on which led us to close our little grocery store for about 2 months. We closed temporarily because we didn't have the funds to re-stock our inventory. We didn't have the funds because the money wasn't managed allocated properly. 
I was so devastated and I can tell that he was too. 

I have to mention - I juggle 2 jobs. I work 12-16 hours per day, 5-6 days per week. This is the reason why I can't be running the operations with him during the day. I need to work because the business is still starting and we are not seeing much profit from it as of yet. My income is spent on bills, utilities, food, school fees, etc. During those months when we had to close our store, we were determined to reopen it, which means we had to keep paying the rent even if we were not operating. I asked help from my mom about our financial problems. My mom helped me come up with funds to buy stocks. I covered the rent for the commercial space (with my salary). 

Thankfully, we were able to reopen. Before our re-opening day, I talked to my husband about the lessons we learned, the mistakes we committed. For me, one of his shortcomings was lack of transparency. I had my shortcomings too - I have to admit. During our first few months in business, I have been adamant about making sure funds were allocated properly and reports had been made. My husband didn't want any of that. After a few arguments, he didn't budge. I let the issue go and kind of stepped away from it. I felt that he didn't to involve me in his decisions about the business, the strategies he wants to implement. My mistake was that I stopped pursuing and making him understand why we need all these things. 

After we had the talk, and a few weeks after re-opening day, I thought things were going well. I continued working for my 2 jobs, while he managed the day to day operations as usual. There were even some changes on his part - he endorses the sales to me and I keep it in a safe. I allocate the funds appropriately to make sure inventory is covered. I do all these things with him around to make him see that I am being transparent to him. 

However, I found out that he has made a business decision without informing me or asking my opinion about it. I figured it out on my own, and now I'm wondering if he had planned on letting me know about it at all. Due to this, I realized that he hasn't totally changed in regards to being transparent with me about the business. 

I feel offended by this due to a number of reasons:

- I feel like he can't respect my wishes as a business partner - and that is for him to be transparent with me about business decisions - every move. Of course, he can expect the same thing from me - I have no problems with being transparent to him especially about the business. 

- I feel like he doesn't see me as a partner, and that we're not working as a team. He is not the type who likes to brainstorm with me about ideas on how to grow the business. 

- I see that if I ask him to do something, he does it. But I can sense that sometimes, he does these things to prevent arguments - which I don't like. It would be nice to know that he gets my point and does things because he agrees those were the right things to do. 

- I feel sad about the fact that we have so many differences that we can't even run the business well. 

Do you think he feels emasculated? Is transparency too much to ask? Why doesn't he like to include me in the decision making? I understand that there are situations when his discretion is called for, but at the end of the day, it would be nice to be informed about any problems that occurred in the business and how he resolved them. 

I talked to him about this, but he said that he has implemented everything in the store and asked why I still had issues with him. He doesn't get me. I worry that if he doesn't manage the business finances well, that we will have to close again, or that we will fail. I don't want to struggle financially anymore so I am being very careful with the decisions we make and the steps we take. I am a very goal-oriented person. I am driven and I would like to be very successful in business. I'm sure he wants to be successful too, but he doesn't seem to have enough drive and is not being too careful about the steps he makes towards success. He is 7 years older than me. I am 31 and he'll be turning 38 this year. but he doesn't seem to be bothered about the fact that he is not yet a self-made man. He doesn't seem to care about the time he is wasting. 

Sometimes I worry that his lack of drive and gusto will prevent me from being successful myself. I fear that he may drag me to mediocrity. 

I'd like for him to be transparent and treat me as a part of the team, but I'm not sure how I can make that happen.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It can be very hard for a married couple to run a business together. You are seeing some of the normal problems. 

It sounds like he's irresponsible in some ways. So you feel like you need to micro manage (don't blame you). So now he resents it and tries to keep somethings to himself.

It's not working. He does not seem to have the skills to keep the business running smoothly. He does not want you to be his 'boss' or his partner... not really.

If this fails, you are on the hook to your parents. I agree that this whole thing can ruin you financially.

How many hours a week is he working?


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## Alrighty then (Apr 29, 2015)

Business reports are vital to know where you are and where you are going. What you measure improves. Any business person that neglects this is going to fail and is not a good custodian of your parents money. 

Business investments need to be prioritized to keep the mother ship healthy. Experiments and expansions and such only come when the baseline business is prospering and not a minute before. 

Discipline is needed to protect your parents money even more than if it is your own. He may not be suited to be in business for himself. 

Unfortunately, the lessons are VERY PAINFUL to learn the hard way.


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## macey8 (May 2, 2015)

Hi EleGirl! Thank you for your response.

He spends 12-14 hours in the store as well. 

I really didn't want to micro-manage, but I'm afraid that if I didn't, he won't be able to allocate the funds properly. Yes I feel that he doesn't want me to be his boss or partner. Do you have any ideas why? Could it be about pride?

I never want him to feel emasculated, but I can sense that he is feeling that way. 

How do I resolve this? 

How do I protect myself from being dragged financially in case it doesn't work out?

We just had a fight a few hours ago about him keeping some things from me. Sometimes I entertain the thought of just paying my parents off by myself and just let him do whatever he wants with the business. If he becomes successful, good. But if he doesn't, then at least I have paid my parents off. However the capital funds they have lent us is a huge amount, and it would take me a few years to pay it all off considering my income now. 

Should I keep trying to make him work with me as a business partner? Or shall I leave him alone and go on my own separate path business wise? To be honest, I'm on the verge of doing the latter as I am so fed up of trying to have him work with me and treat me as his business partner. I also think the feelings will be compromised in the process.


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## macey8 (May 2, 2015)

Alrighty then said:


> Business reports are vital to know where you are and where you are going. What you measure improves. Any business person that neglects this is going to fail and is not a good custodian of your parents money.
> 
> Business investments need to be prioritized to keep the mother ship healthy. Experiments and expansions and such only come when the baseline business is prospering and not a minute before.
> 
> ...




--------------------------


Believe me, I told him about the importance of business reports. I told him he needs to track his inventory regularly. But he doesn't listen. If I did not constantly repeat myself telling him about this, there wouldn't be any reports or trail done ever.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Macey, 
I do not think that you should just pay off your parents out of your money and then let your h just do the business without you. Why?


You said that this is a dream that both of you have. 
I assume that your hope is that someday you work at the store too.
Your parents should be paid out of the business, not out of the income you are earning to support your family.
He seems to not pay enough attention to the finances, reports, etc. It’s a lot like trying to build a house without house plans and a budget. He has the potential to ruin you financially for years if not the rest of your life.
The business is 50% yours. That means assets and debts.
There could be a few reasons why he’s not treating you as a partner:

I think part of the problem is that he runs the store 12-14 hours a day by himself. So he does not feel like you are a partner because he’s by himself doing it most of the time.
Ego. 

He wants to do things his way.
A lot of men have problem seeing their wife as a business partner. I’ve seen a lot of women become the “employee” or “assistant” to appease their husband in business.

It sounds like the two of you have very distinct jobs that you do for the business. That is good. 

Things that could help. Set up a weekly business meeting to go over the books, schedule, buying, etc. This is a must. 

Look at ways that he can have not only the responsibly for the daily running of the store, but the authority. For example maybe set a budget that he can use weekly for things that he feels he needs to spend. For example if he feels he needs more of particular product. He should not need to come to you for every penny spent to get a partnership decision. 

You two might also want to look into the Small Business Administration. They have a lot that can help you. Maybe if the two of you took classes there it would help. He’d have other people telling him how important the reports are and tracking every penny.

https://www.sba.gov/

I also googled “husband and wife running a business” and a lot of things came up that might help you out.

How To: Make Husband-Wife Business Partnerships Work | SUCCESS

Running a Business Together as Husband and Wife 24/7

9 Keys to Husband & Wife Entrepreneurs Working Together in a Successful Home-Based Business


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

We have business together, and although we are not at the same location, I wish we did not. Our marriage is rocky, and this only adds more problems, as we sometimes have different ideas how to proceed.

I can see already that this is an issue for the two of you too. I think this mayb not be good for the two of you in the long run. Do you think you can talk about differences opensly, wihtout criticism and fighting? But if the communication is not the best in the marriage there will be trouble.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Running a business with your spouse is like sleeping with the enemy 

There will be ego clashes. S/he will expect preferential treatment (after all, you sleep in the same bed, and do the most intimate kinds of things together, right?)

There will often be clash of opinions. Both my wife and my daughter think I'm too generous in business. In my view, this is what makes me, me!


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## macey8 (May 2, 2015)

Thank you all for your responses! I appreciate it!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Business parter with your marriage partner. These are two completely different partnerships, and if you can't compartmentalize then you double the chances of hardship in your relationship.

Also, as the day-to-day operations manager, it is necessary for him to make decisions about the operation of this business without your continual input, such as changing a supplier, or terminating an employee etc. If there are decisions you dislike that affect the business partnership, then you have to negotiate these together to set the guidelines for the company. And conversely if he is making decisions about the business reporting, money management without your consent then he is clearly overstepping his role.

Also, as business partners it is also crucial that if either of you are not up to the specific management tasks you have each undertaken, then you need to find other solutions - if he is doing a poor job of managing the storefront, you and him should also consider hiring a qualified manager with grocery experience thus freeing up your H's time to focus on more profitable things (such as finding another job, if necessary). And likewise if you are not up to par for prudent fiscal planning there are qualified professionals that may do a better job. That is the best part of having a business, is that when you find someone that can do a job better than you, you hire them to do the work and you can go on to do better things, but if having a store is simply about trying to create dream employment for either of you you are not in it for the right reasons (ie profit) and there may be better ways to make it work.

The other benefit of being in business together though, is when you DO find ways to make communication work, it benefits your marriage communications also.


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## TRUEAMERICAN (May 27, 2015)

If you get him involved with the bottom line numbers you have both you and the numbers advising him of a more responsible direction progressively through the journey of developing your business.

Most of us guys are not into the paperwork as most women seem to have this talent to tear into a stack of paperwork and make it look simple. I have to admit, I rely heavily on my accountant for more than I should when it comes to paperwork....even the simple stuff I should be handling.

My wife and I are both very A-personality and early on I knew we would not work well together in a ten year business I'd built before marriage with her. I think she would have accepted being CEO the first week. That being said, she is an above average motivated, intelligent, accomplished woman and has built successful companies prior to "us". 

The advantage you two have would be starting from ground zero, together. I believe you have to stay very much together on most everything otherwise you could become his accountant employee, and he your manager employee instead of joint-owner/operators.
Good luck! Communicate.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

First you need to understand the different ways men and women approach things. When a woman says I need to check with my husband about this purchase, she is saying, we have a loving marriage, my wonderful husband and I are partners, and my checking with him validates our relationship and tells the world of our partnership and love. When a man says I need to ask my wife before I can buy this, he is saying, I have little power or authority, it hurts me to reveal this to a stranger, I am like a 9 year old who needs to check with his mother before he can go somewhere, I wish I had the money and success not to be humiliated in this way. I dreamed of being like the Vito Corleone, the tough but fair head who was both respected and feared. 

Many men do not want their wives as their boss. I think you need to be a little gentler in your approach to him, and also explain your asking does not mean you don't have confidence in him or respect his views. I know as my wife gets older she is getting more assertive in several ways. On an intelligence level, I realize she makes sound judgments, but in the spur of the moment, a part of me gets angry being told what to do, and my initial reaction is anger.


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## venusrelationship (Sep 5, 2015)

Running a business with your spouse is usually 2x the challenge. 

A lot of people assume that running a business with your spouse would be relatively easier because your spouse is someone "supposed" to be more supportive and to watch your back. Unfortunately that's often not the case. You first need to deal with the business challenges then you need to deal with the relationship conflicts - that happen all at once in the same place. 

Having said that, I did see some couples who are running successful business for decades. 

I would say running a business with your spouse is not definitely right or definitely wrong, it really depends on how well the husband can work with the wife and vice versa. If it doesn't work well, find a different working style. If that still doesn't work, at least one of you need to take a step back off the business.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

My wife has been the admin person for my business for almost 15 years. Her strengths are admin and accounting. My strengths are engineering.

When I turned over the admin/accounting portion to her, my business grew immensely. 

If your spouse has strengths and you can work through issues with them, why would you want to hire some one else who won't care as much?

I realize we are lucky and not the norm. But, it has worked well for us.


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