# Found out about FB



## csteel09

So, H and I have been separated for a little over a year and trying to reconcile and have me move back home. During our time separated I found out he went on a few "dates" with a woman whom used to be a mutual friend. I have never respected this woman as I feel she is cheap and easy and not a good person to be around. I think he went out with her knowing it would hurt me. 

I had an EA and he kicked me out so I truly think this was his way to get back at me. So now that we are working on things I told him FB has to go as I know he is chatting it up with women on there, totally innocent I'm sure  So this girl in particular I asked him to unfriend her and not speak to her again. She has to be cut off completely.

I do not have a FB so i cannot see what is going on and he says he doesn't know his password as he just logs in on his phone (so reset it right?). He has agreed to get rid of FB but has yet to do so and it's been at least two weeks since requesting.

So we went to lunch last Friday and I asked to see his FB as I was curious about it. I refuse to get one as I feel it is a waste of time and too much drama that I do not wish to get involved in (and am now being drug into the drama). He used to feel the same way but guess had a change of heart while we were separated. He hands over his phone and i clicked over to the messages and I see that she contacted him the day earlier asking how he was, He replied with ok, just been working. Her response to him....well I bet you are still sexy! WTF???? He did not reply back....at least that I saw. When i got upset he grabbed his phone away with a wild look of panic in his eyes and refused to give it back.

Because I know this "woman" i text her and asked if she knew that the H and I were talking again to which she replied yes and she is not a homewrecker and blah blah blah. I then asked why she felt it was appropriate to tell my husband he is sexy knowing he is working on things with his wife. I assume she tells this to hundreds of men because that is the kind of "lady" she is. her response was "isn't it better it come from a mutual friend rather than some strange woman who has no respect for you?" Is she fricken kidding me??? How is that respectful?
What am I supposed to do? I can't stop thinking about it. Even though I was the one that had the EA I am trying to move forward with this man but if he is going to continue to be secretive and hide these women from me I cannot deal with it. How do I get him to delete FB completely and get that mess out of our lives. I feel once we are back n solid ground he can have it back and I won't care. Just right now it seems too sensitive to have it active.

Thoughts?


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## EleGirl

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## MarriedDude

csteel09 said:


> So, H and I have been separated for a little over a year and trying to reconcile and have me move back home. During our time separated I found out he went on a few "dates" with a woman whom used to be a mutual friend. I have never respected this woman as I feel she is cheap and easy and not a good person to be around. I think he went out with her knowing it would hurt me.
> 
> I had an EA and he kicked me out so I truly think this was his way to get back at me. So now that we are working on things I told him FB has to go as I know he is chatting it up with women on there, totally innocent I'm sure  So this girl in particular I asked him to unfriend her and not speak to her again. She has to be cut off completely.
> 
> I do not have a FB so i cannot see what is going on and he says he doesn't know his password as he just logs in on his phone (so reset it right?). He has agreed to get rid of FB but has yet to do so and it's been at least two weeks since requesting.
> 
> So we went to lunch last Friday and I asked to see his FB as I was curious about it. I refuse to get one as I feel it is a waste of time and too much drama that I do not wish to get involved in (and am now being drug into the drama). He used to feel the same way but guess had a change of heart while we were separated. He hands over his phone and i clicked over to the messages and I see that she contacted him the day earlier asking how he was, He replied with ok, just been working. Her response to him....well I bet you are still sexy! WTF???? He did not reply back....at least that I saw. When i got upset he grabbed his phone away with a wild look of panic in his eyes and refused to give it back.
> 
> Because I know this "woman" i text her and asked if she knew that the H and I were talking again to which she replied yes and she is not a homewrecker and blah blah blah. I then asked why she felt it was appropriate to tell my husband he is sexy knowing he is working on things with his wife. I assume she tells this to hundreds of men because that is the kind of "lady" she is. her response was "isn't it better it come from a mutual friend rather than some strange woman who has no respect for you?" Is she fricken kidding me??? How is that respectful?
> What am I supposed to do? I can't stop thinking about it. *Even though I was the one that had the EA I am trying to move forward with this man but if he is going to continue to be secretive and hide these women from me I cannot deal with it. * How do I get him to delete FB completely and get that mess out of our lives. I feel once we are back n solid ground he can have it back and I won't care. Just right now it seems too sensitive to have it active.
> 
> Thoughts?


When you start out the sentence with "Even Though"....what you mean is...

"Just because I did it -doesn't mean he should". By this I mean -being secretive. 

But...anywho...

If you want this to go away. Ignore it. The skank will fall off his radar/ keep him busy -make sure when he is available -that you are right there. You are with him -you have the home court advantage. You cheated on him -separated for a YEAR -lived apart...and yet he is still interested in working things out with you...and you are worried about random skank? You do realize you have the advantage right?

also....when was the last time you called him sexy? Texted him for no other reason than to say hi?


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## csteel09

I tell him he is handsome and sexy all the time. Even while we were separated. I never found him unattractive. What I found unattractive was how he treated me for years calling me fat, etc. I am insecure because of HIM. I just don't want to move on if he is not going to be honest with me and be transparent. I have offered him my phone and e-mail passwords and he should do the same. His actions are shady sometimes and I just don't want to move back home if he is going to continue to lie and get back at me for what I did.

I also text him randomly just to say hi or say something silly.

Looking for an MC right now to help us sort this out. If he refuses to go that's my answer.


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## Orange_Pekoe

The way I see it, you screwed up your relationship with your husband by having an emotional affair. Now you are dealing with the consequences and feeling the pain yourself. Hurts, doesn't it?

Go to counselling.


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## michzz

csteel09 said:


> I had an EA and he kicked me out so I truly think this was his way to get back at me.


So you screwed up the marriage, you separate, and he finds a girlfriend, and that bothers you because you think it was only to get back at you?

And even if it was, so what. maybe he was lonely.

I don't think you are ready to reconcilate until you truly understand that what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

You were separated, presumably to get a divorce. he waited until then to start something, you did not. So I don't see how you can be offended by that.

Now if at this point in time there is some kind of recommitment, then things have to change. But I do not think you are even close to that yet.


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## Mr.Fisty

Sorry, but isn't your husband the drunk who abused you? I think you have a 15 year-old son as well who takes after his father if memory serves me correctly.

Are you in therapy to deal with your emotional unstability caused by the abuse?

Is he in therapy to work on his abusive behavior?

If you try reconciling now, you may end up being put down by him again and again. He made you feel worthless, and you are still addicted to the drama that comes along with abuse.

For him, it would take years to undo his abusive behavior, that is if he is willing to work on it. You need to work on your dysfunction caused in your relationship. You may not realize it, but you have been mentally altered by his abuse.

Most likely, whoever ends up with him at present, will be the next victim of his abuse and alcoholism.


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