# Facebook friends only? I am not buying it....



## whynotrightnow12 (Mar 30, 2013)

Here's a poll for you. If you found a message on Facebook that your husband wrote to another woman that said: 'I love you, Sweetheart. I wish I was there to tuck you in and give you a massage. XOXOXOXO' Would you assume that he is having an affair or that they are just friends like he claims? Also calling her 'soft lips' and 'gorgeous sexy lady'.
Why do I even bother? This is the third time I busted him in 17 years of marriage. I wonder how many more women there were that he got away with?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you know the answer to your question, but I've never said anything like that to someone I'm either intimate with or trying to get intimate with. So the real question is "are you going to wait around for number 4?"

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

whynotrightnow12 said:


> Here's a poll for you. If you found a message on Facebook that your husband wrote to another woman that said: 'I love you, Sweetheart. I wish I was there to tuck you in and give you a massage. XOXOXOXO' Would you assume that he is having an affair or that they are just friends like he claims? Also calling her 'soft lips' and 'gorgeous sexy lady'.
> Why do I even bother? This is the third time I busted him in 17 years of marriage. I wonder how many more women there were that he got away with?


You already know the answer. It's an insult to your intelligence. I'm sorry.

Feel free to post your whole story. You'll get candid advice and support.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

With a longstanding track record of cheating, coupled with that FB dialogue: You tell me!


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I have never even been that lovey-dovey with my wife!

He is compounding his betrayal by treating you like an idiot. Chuck him out.


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## whynotrightnow12 (Mar 30, 2013)

Thank you for the quick replies. The first time I found out he cheated was the month after we got married. With a prostitute. He wrote about it in his journal and then left the journal on the coffee table. I snoop, yes sir, I do. I was devastated. Next time was last October, lengthy cybersex conversations with a woman. The second time I saved the evidence. I was hurt and angry. This newest one, the third time was the lengthiest affair, definitely EA and possible PA when my husband was visiting the state the OW lives in. It's been going on for 4 years. He says he was just trying to make the OW feel better because she was going through her third divorce from a cheating husband. Kind of ironic, isn't it. I feel tired now, not even really angry, just annoyed that I was able to find the 1,200 messages so easily. I asked him why he didn't even make an effort to hide it better, or delete messages. He said he didn't think that I would invade his privacy. The most important question now: do I stay in this marriage until our child is 18? That's another 5 years. We don't fight, our household is quiet, I think that divorce may be harsher on our child than staying together. I'd love to hear your opinion. Thank you.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I cavort with various females, strictly on a platonic level and I have NEVER told them I love them. The reason? It's because I don't. Ainoway that you tell friends, female friends, that you love them. I've not told a woman, who's not kin to me, that I love them. I'd feel weird. It's definitely cheating.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

And you are with this.....person why?? He has ZERO respect for you.

Believe me, your child needs to see a mother who has the self respect to get rid of a useless spouse. Not one who stays in a farce of a marriage just for him/her.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

whynotrightnow12 said:


> Here's a poll for you. If you found a message on Facebook that your husband wrote to another woman that said: 'I love you, Sweetheart. I wish I was there to tuck you in and give you a massage. XOXOXOXO' Would you assume that he is having an affair or that they are just friends like he claims? Also calling her 'soft lips' and 'gorgeous sexy lady'.
> Why do I even bother? This is the third time I busted him in 17 years of marriage. I wonder how many more women there were that he got away with?


This is a joke right. I mean if you break down the message it indicates that A. the man knows the woman. B knows her schedule well enough to know when she is in bed. C indicates the there is an intention to have sexual contact and/ or that there has been sexual contact and that he wants more. 

You need to laugh it off and go into evidence gathering mode. Also try and do your best to keep them apart if at all possible. IE keep him busy with things. You want to get the phone records and see if you can find out who this woman is.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

So, he's cheated multiple times? Yeah, run. Run quickly.


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## whynotrightnow12 (Mar 30, 2013)

No joke, sadly. I know who the woman is. She went to school with my husband 40 years ago. I texted her this afternoon asking if she is having sex with my f*%#ing husband. No reply of course. But I don't need it anyway, I already know what I need to know. Even if they never even kissed, he betrayed me by possibly falling in love with her or just trying to get into her pants, whichever is the case.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

change the locks


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Get to your lawyer's office pronto!


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

whynotrightnow12 said:


> Thank you for the quick replies. The first time I found out he cheated was the month after we got married. With a prostitute. He wrote about it in his journal and then left the journal on the coffee table. I snoop, yes sir, I do. I was devastated. Next time was last October, lengthy cybersex conversations with a woman. The second time I saved the evidence. I was hurt and angry. This newest one, the third time was the lengthiest affair, definitely EA and possible PA when my husband was visiting the state the OW lives in. It's been going on for 4 years. He says he was just trying to make the OW feel better because she was going through her third divorce from a cheating husband. Kind of ironic, isn't it. I feel tired now, not even really angry, just annoyed that I was able to find the 1,200 messages so easily. I asked him why he didn't even make an effort to hide it better, or delete messages. He said he didn't think that I would invade his privacy. The most important question now: do I stay in this marriage until our child is 18? That's another 5 years. We don't fight, our household is quiet, I think that divorce may be harsher on our child than staying together. I'd love to hear your opinion. Thank you.


Your husband is obviously a serial cheater. My guess is that what you know is only the tip of the iceberg.

The likelihood of successful R with a serial cheater is almost zero, short of you agreeing to an open marriage. Chances are he is clinical narcissist and not even capable of feeling remorse for what he's done. 

Should you wait until your child is grown? Why? What type of environment will your child be exposed to for the next few years? Wouldn't it be better for your child to learn that betraying a marriage multiple times has consequences? That self respect is important?

You know the right thing to do is leave him. If you need some validation for that, now you have it. 

You can get support and advice here along the way if you divorce him. Keep posting and I wish you the best.


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

It's definitely an EA if not yet PA. Sorry OP.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

If you are thinking of staying for the kids, then think: When they grow-up, do you want their partner to treat them this way?
If you stay, they learn that is how married people are supposed to behave.


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