# Sexual past constantly bothers my husband...getting worse! please help



## Hush

Long story short: I've slept with more men than my husband has women, however, I was never a 'loose' girl that somehow my husband seems to think I was.

I've never cheated on my husband- not even a long glance at another man...NOTHING!

He was full aware of my 'number' and the circumstances by which it has become what it is when we first met; We've been together now for three years.

But within the last couple of months, he sometimes refuses to touch me in bed, or during sex completely stops and tells me to go away...he begs for 'naughty' sex, but when I fulfill this he becomes sick and discouraged.

I honestly feel as though he could tell me some ridiculous sex story he was a part of and it wouldn't make a difference, but I can't so much as mention an ex without being called names or without him sulking...

It's become such a problem now, I've practically given him a hall pass to fix his number...but nothing seems to have helped.

Any advice?


----------



## Shaggy

Have talked about why he is feeling this way? Why all of a sudden?

Would he agree to counseling ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 1-12-t1

I can relate to this. I was a virgin with my last girlfriend and she was not. She had 1 other partner before me. To me i felt cheated, judged, and never #1 to her. I know you werent his first... Then i had sex with another girl in revenge (didnt cheat) but it wasnt the same. I had sex with her out or revenge when my girlfriend had sex with another dude out of lust. I thought my girl was the most gorgeous girl in the WOLRD. And me having sex with another girl doesnt compare. We were now both at 2 partners... But i had never lusted after another girl. Thats what hurt me, so even if he has sex with another woman, it wont change anything. He would do it out of anger not lust, and he wants to have sex out of lust. To me, looking back at my relationship, i know its weird but i think it bothered me so much cause i loved her so much.


----------



## southernmagnolia

Wait...........he calls you names? What are the names? What do you mean by a hall pass? Irregardless of whatever your husband's problem is, it is NOT justification nor does he have the right to disrespect you. 

2nd, this is not your fault, he knew you had a past. This is mainly his issue, although you both are going to have to work on it together.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

What you did prior to meeting your husband is none of his damn business to throw at you now. You already told him, he married you knowing what he knew and he has zero right to now toss it in your face. Total crap.
Giving him a hall pass is even worse. A hall pass to do what? Cheat on the marriage because his ego is so fragile that he can't deal with it and then blames you for his being this way. 
I'd give some serious consideration if you want to continue to stay with someone who is mentally abusing you and making you feel bad for things you did prior to meeting him. Tell him to polish his halo, hop down from his ivory tower and grow a pair. Holy hell.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

1-12-t1 said:


> I can relate to this. I was a virgin with my last girlfriend and she was not. She had 1 other partner before me. To me i felt cheated, judged, and never #1 to her. I know you werent his first... Then i had sex with another girl in revenge (didnt cheat) but it wasnt the same. I had sex with her out or revenge when my girlfriend had sex with another dude out of lust. I thought my girl was the most gorgeous girl in the WOLRD. And me having sex with another girl doesnt compare. We were now both at 2 partners... But i had never lusted after another girl. Thats what hurt me, so even if he has sex with another woman, it wont change anything. He would do it out of anger not lust, and he wants to have sex out of lust. To me, looking back at my relationship, i know its weird but i think it bothered me so much cause i loved her so much.


You are pissed because she had sex with someone else PRIOR to meeting you and you say it bothered you so much because of your love for her?
How about this, if you loved her so much as you claim, you wouldn't judge her for something she did prior to being in your life. She didn't do anything wrong. Nothing.
You on the other hand......


----------



## southernmagnolia

1-12-t1 said:


> I can relate to this. I was a virgin with my last girlfriend and she was not. She had 1 other partner before me. To me i felt cheated, judged, and never #1 to her. I know you werent his first... Then i had sex with another girl in revenge (didnt cheat) but it wasnt the same. I had sex with her out or revenge when my girlfriend had sex with another dude out of lust. I thought my girl was the most gorgeous girl in the WOLRD. And me having sex with another girl doesnt compare. We were now both at 2 partners... But i had never lusted after another girl. Thats what hurt me, so even if he has sex with another woman, it wont change anything. He would do it out of anger not lust, and he wants to have sex out of lust. To me, looking back at my relationship, i know its weird but i think it bothered me so much cause i loved her so much.


You are the problem here, not your g/f. You need to grow up and mature and live in the real world. It's highly unlikely that you are going to find yourself a virgin. 

As someone else said, feeling like that ain't love. It's childish and jealousy that will suck you dry. You need to grow the hell up and be an adult. Are you 13???


----------



## tacoma

You should have married a man not a little boy.

This is his problem and I would`t even entertain it as if it had an iota of validity.

Deal with it.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

southernmagnolia said:


> You are the problem here, not your g/f. You need to grow up and mature and live in the real world. It's highly unlikely that you are going to find yourself a virgin.
> 
> As someone else said, feeling like that ain't love. It's childish and jealousy that will suck you dry. You need to grow the hell up and be an adult. Are you 13???


But hey, she's so much worse because she DARED to have sex PRIOR to meeting him. He is so much better because he used another woman for sex and all is okay with his moral compass because it was revenge and not lust.
People like him should be forced to wear a sign. Him and Hush's husband. It's about control and mental abuse disguised as love because these individuals are so insecure that they have to take down the other with them to their pit of hell and in the process make someone feel guilty for something they have no reason on Earth to feel guilty for. 

issed:


----------



## loveiswhereiamnot

No matter what, the name-calling is abuse, as is the withholding behavior.

So he was fine with this up until 3 months ago? Or did it just escalate to this point?


----------



## Hush

It came about because i told him i slept with a man with a bigger penis than his. And ive slept with twice as many men as he has women.. In a much shorter time period.


----------



## Hush

He feels that because he only had sex with women he was in long relationships with that its different.. I dont think I should feel bad for being carefree. I had a few one night stands.. and i dated a lot. But all that should matter is now correct?


----------



## tacoma

Hush said:


> He feels that because he only had sex with women he was in long relationships with that its different.. I dont think I should feel bad for being carefree. I had a few one night stands.. and i dated a lot. But all that should matter is now correct?


Correct.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Hush said:


> He feels that because he only had sex with women he was in long relationships with that its different.. I dont think I should feel bad for being carefree. I had a few one night stands.. and i dated a lot. But all that should matter is now correct?


He knew all about your past and no, he doesn't have the right to abuse you now because of it. 
He also doesn't have the right to define his sexual past as somehow being "better" than your sexual past because he was in a relationship.
Please tell the good Reverand to step down from the pulpit and grow up. You might also tell him that there was a guy here with the same issue waxing on and on about how much "better" he was than his ex and we all warned him to just stop it but did he listen? No. His wife left him because she got tired of being made to feel guilty for her past....a past long before she met him and a past that he was fully aware of when he married her.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hush said:


> He feels that because he only had sex with women he was in long relationships with that its different..


Andd who gives a f if you did? He knew all this when he married you right? And now he wants to act like the ruler of the universe and mistreat you because he's insecure? How pathetic. Don't tolerate him talking down to you or treating you poorly. If he keeps up these antics you need to decide if you want to be with a man who acts like a petulant child. He sounds very immature. Brighteyes...your post is spot on. Guys and women alike who behave this way are ridiculous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hush

Well hes more mature than you all whom do nothing but name call yourselves... Youre abusing him. Hows it any different? Who's mature? and whos isnt? Hes not that rude.. he just wants to be alone and to not be touched.. he has issues with his fathers recent death and the fact that he was once very overweight.. lost all the weight.. but still has a reminder of extra skin.. and no i just recently told him that i slept with a larger man.


----------



## Jellybeans

We aren't calling him names. You posted on an open forum and you are getting opinions on the matter. Nonetheless its clear you are unhappy with the way he's treating you. So what are you going to do? What's your plan?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Hush said:


> Well hes more mature than you all whom do nothing but name call yourselves... Youre abusing him. Hows it any different? Who's mature? and whos isnt? Hes not that rude.. he just wants to be alone and to not be touched.. he has issues with his fathers recent death and the fact that he was once very overweight.. lost all the weight.. but still has a reminder of extra skin.. and no i just recently told him that i slept with a larger man.


Huh? Okay then, no more help needed. I wish you well.


----------



## Jellybeans

LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hush

well unfortunatley i dont think ill need one... He knows hes being inmature and hates it.. and knows theres no cure.. ne delete button so he says.. I believe hes planning on leaving me.


----------



## Entropy3000

From what I read, you had full diclosure before marriage so I think that is all you do. The husband has to decide what matters then.

But it sounds like maybe, just maybe you were not transparent about certain things. Maybe you told him the number and he "assumed" they were not ONSs. Anyway, I think that discussion is pertinent up front before marriage. IF someone has lied then that is another matter. Lying by omission is still a lie.

You did not say how the subject of penis size came up. He could have pressed you for this answer or you could have let it out in some way for who knows what reason. You don't say. It kinda matters how it went down. If it was in a way that was meant to hurt him then you deserve what you get. If he pressed you then he deserves what he gets.

BTW, a hall pass is ridiculous. So wrong in so many ways.

Prvious thread from a little over a month ago on the same topic:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies...l-encounters-resurfacing-help.html#post386952



> Hi,
> I've been married for only a few short months, but we've been together for several years. We are both very open minded sexually and are looking to expand our sexuality not only with each other, but as individuals, which I am comfortable with.
> 
> However...
> 
> My husband is definetely an 'alpha male' and is easily upset when my past comes up in conversation. I have slept with more men than he has with women and have been honest about the frequency and the number.
> 
> But details, names, events,- *I have left out of our conversations for fear of his disappointment.* We are brutally honest with each other- and he's told me details of what he's done no matter if it hurt or didn't.
> 
> But I find myself torn between disclosing certain things, and just forgetting about them. As much as I try to push it down and tell myself, he really doesn't need to know, I'm eaten alive by it at times.
> 
> There is absolutely nothing I've done I feel is detrimental to our relationship- it stretches all the way back to highschool boyfriends and so on. But I just don't know if leaving things out is the right answer.
> 
> Any opinions?


So I would have wanted to know who before the marriage for a number of reasons. Now details are a whole other thing. Events? Fear of his disappointment?


----------



## Hush

i know... Im 21, and i just dont want to be an old divorced woman posting about relationships.. i'm scared...


----------



## Entropy3000

Hush said:


> i know... Im 21, and i just dont want to be an old divorced woman posting about relationships.. i'm scared...


It is scarrier even for a 21 year old woman to be posting about relatioships then. 

And to be so young and have so much experience that if he only new about details, names and events that he would be himself disappointed.

So are you just strirring the pot or are you preparing your hubby for an open relationship or what? You are very vague. Sorry.


----------



## Hush

not following that last one...


----------



## Entropy3000

Hush said:


> Long story short: I've slept with more men than my husband has women, however, I was never a 'loose' girl that somehow my husband seems to think I was.
> 
> I've never cheated on my husband- not even a long glance at another man...NOTHING!
> 
> He was full aware of my 'number' and the circumstances by which it has become what it is when we first met; We've been together now for three years.
> 
> But within the last couple of months, he sometimes refuses to touch me in bed, or during sex completely stops and tells me to go away...*he begs for 'naughty' sex,* but when I fulfill this he becomes sick and discouraged.
> 
> I honestly feel as though he could tell me some ridiculous sex story he was a part of and it wouldn't make a difference, but I can't so much as mention an ex without being called names or without him sulking...
> 
> It's become such a problem now, I've practically given him a hall pass to fix his number...but nothing seems to have helped.
> 
> Any advice?


What is naughty sex?


----------



## Hush

you dont need to know... use your imagination.


----------



## Entropy3000

Hush said:


> not following that last one...


I am asking if you would explain further. You are very vague.


----------



## Hush

and that post was a little embellished... he doesnt beg.. I like naughty things.. and so does he..


----------



## 1-12-t1

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You are pissed because she had sex with someone else PRIOR to meeting you and you say it bothered you so much because of your love for her?
> How about this, if you loved her so much as you claim, you wouldn't judge her for something she did prior to being in your life. She didn't do anything wrong. Nothing.
> You on the other hand......


nope not once did i say i blamed her. I knew she had sex, did i blame her for it? No, but if anything i would say it hurt that i wasnt her first. Did i say i was right for feeling like this? No. And i didnt judge her, i knew it was before she met me, but still, the hurt followed. I know i was insecure, but i was sharing my story to help her out. Maybe thats how he felt. So before you judge me, i was giving insight on how it is to be on the other side of the fence. If i didnt think the info would help i wouldnt post it.


----------



## tacoma

Hush said:


> well unfortunatley i dont think ill need one... He knows hes being inmature and hates it.. and knows theres no cure.. ne delete button so he says.. I believe hes planning on leaving me.


Quite honestly Hush if he is even considering leaving you because you`ve been with more and bigger men than he then he`s doing you a favor.

At 21 you have plenty of time to find a man who possesses an iota of self security.


----------



## Entropy3000

Hush said:


> and that post was a little embellished... he doesnt beg.. I like naughty things.. and so does he..


I guess I don't know what naughty is but that is ok, if you want to keep that unclear it is not so important.

What really pertains is whether or not you disclosed "enough" information to him up front. That is vague. It sounds like you told him a number and he was ok with the number. But later learned about the type of the relationship and was a bit disenchanted. So he should have asked that up front.

But then you elude to you fearing he would be "disappointed" if he knew details, names and events.

Well most folks don't want to know details. Some may want to know specific things. 

Names are usually pretty important to know. It is good to know for example your wife did not have sex with her current boss or that she is not friended on facebook to her past lovers. Or that she has not had sex with Snoop.

Events? Maybe you mean threesomes, groups, same sex, or who knows what. He should want to know about rape for example. Or past abuse. Doing the whole Ohio State band and so on. I am embellishing here. Some of this is fair game. Many folks will say it is all in the past and not his business. My take is that if it matters to him, he needs to state that up front.

You did not state how the fact that he was smaller than someone else came up. It matters how that went down. Still unclear.

Also in your first thread you say "We are both very open minded sexually and are looking to expand our sexuality not only with each other, but as individuals, which I am comfortable with."

That suggests to me that you have been discussing an open marriage. If this was the context of the discussions about your previous experience versus his then it really does make sense to me anyway. Why he would care more now than before.


----------



## 1-12-t1

Therealbrighteyes said:


> But hey, she's so much worse because she DARED to have sex PRIOR to meeting him. He is so much better because he used another woman for sex and all is okay with his moral compass because it was revenge and not lust.
> People like him should be forced to wear a sign. Him and Hush's husband. It's about control and mental abuse disguised as love because these individuals are so insecure that they have to take down the other with them to their pit of hell and in the process make someone feel guilty for something they have no reason on Earth to feel guilty for.
> 
> issed:


Excuse me? I never once said it was okay. I was hot headed and young and insecure. And wear a sign? are you kidding me? lol your a joke. Not once did i call her a name or bring her down. The most i said was i need some time. And a few times i couldnt handle it so i left the relationship. I never said it wasnt okay for her, nor did i blame her. You dont know anything about me, dont try and judge, im older and wiser now. So get off your high horse and worry more about yourself.

Edit: Also how does this bashing on MY past help the OP? Not at all does it help. To the OP, hopefully i gave you a look from the other side, where he is coming from. Hope all works out. And as far as the size comment... I always tell my girlfriends they are the best at everything, no sense in making them insecure or make them feel not as good as other girls in my past. Even if they arnt the best, I chose to be with them and they are who i want to make happy. Telling them they arnt the tightest or most pleasuring, wont do anything but hurt them.


----------



## tacoma

Entropy has a point.

You haven`t given him reason to believe you want a bigger better man have you?

If you have I take back all of my previous posts and can relate to him entirely.


----------



## Entropy3000

Hush said:


> you dont need to know... use your imagination.


I have a very vivid imagination and naughty is a very subjective thing indeed. It is usually a word used by someone with less sexual experience than someone one with a great deal. But as I stated it is a peripheral thing.


----------



## Entropy3000

tacoma said:


> Entropy has a point.
> 
> You haven`t given him reason to believe you want a bigger better man have you?
> 
> If you have I take back all of my previous posts and can relate to him entirely.


The knee jerk is to assume her hubby is insecure and pressing her for these details. If so then yeah he is being foolish and I agree with your previous post.

But there are other contexts. If she was being hurtful then that is very uncool indeed.

But if it is related to them going into an open marriage then it is a whole other context with its own dynamics. I could see why sexual history outside of the marriage would be being re-evaluated. And who is pushing to open it up. Now she did not say this specifically. But this is why I am looking at things being a little vague. It is hard to tell what is really going on here.


----------



## tacoma

Entropy3000 said:


> But there are other contexts. If she was being hurtful then that is very uncool indeed.


You`re exactly right, I had not thought of the possibility but it does make it an entirely different situation.

My wife has told me she`s been with larger men (when asked) and it wasn`t anything to bother me but if she had implied I was somehow inadequate in comparison and she wanted a larger man over me THAT would yank hard on my ego and cause a great deal of insecurity.

Context is everything, thank you for pointing it out to me.


----------



## Catherine602

Why are you having sex with him if he is shaming you? If you were making love and increasing the stregth of your emotional bond and it was mutually satisfying that would be OK. But what he is doing is using you for his pleasure. You are servicing him now and he is grading your performance. You don't have a marriage you have a sexually abusive relationship. 

There is no way that I would have sex with a man who shames me. Who is he to pass judgment on you. If he is so disgusted then don't expect to get any sex from you. If you enjoy being used then continue on. Either he gets help or you get rid of him. 

This is the worse kind of abuse a woman can endure. You dont owe him sexual services and he is sick if he thinks you do. Have him move out of your bed and don't come back until he wants an emotional bond. You did not marry him to be a sex servant to him. 

Lack of sex will het rid of him or wake him up either way it solves your problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

Hush said:


> It came about because i told him i slept with a man with a bigger penis than his. And ive slept with twice as many men as he has women.. In a much shorter time period.


Never tell a man something like that. Thats what women say that are cheating on their husbands. Never bring up an ex for any reason, man or woman. Its no body elses business. 

If you made that comment to me it would have been the last thing you ever said to me. 

Sounds like a troll.


----------



## Entropy3000

chapparal said:


> Never tell a man something like that. Thats what women say that are cheating on their husbands. Never bring up an ex for any reason, man or woman. Its no body elses business.
> 
> If you made that comment to me it would have been the last thing you ever said.
> 
> Sounds like a troll.


I cannot tell from information given what the deal is. I could go to one extreme and say this guy was being a total jerk and pressing his wife for this information. That he was wanting a hall pass to cheat to even the score. So that would make him a low life sleaze IMHO.

BUT if she is using her history to some how belittle him then I can go the other direction. If she is pressing him for extramarital sex then I would go to the extreme as it pertains to her.

Sorry, I can't tell from information given. Just a little too vague.

I guess we could say all else equal a man should not be shaming his wife. But I think there is reasonable doubt here and leave it at ... please provide more info.


----------



## Halien

Hush said:


> Long story short: I've slept with more men than my husband has women, however, I was never a 'loose' girl that somehow my husband seems to think I was.
> 
> I've never cheated on my husband- not even a long glance at another man...NOTHING!
> 
> He was full aware of my 'number' and the circumstances by which it has become what it is when we first met; We've been together now for three years.
> 
> But within the last couple of months, he sometimes refuses to touch me in bed, or during sex completely stops and tells me to go away...he begs for 'naughty' sex, but when I fulfill this he becomes sick and discouraged.
> 
> I honestly feel as though he could tell me some ridiculous sex story he was a part of and it wouldn't make a difference, but I can't so much as mention an ex without being called names or without him sulking...
> 
> It's become such a problem now, I've practically given him a hall pass to fix his number...but nothing seems to have helped.
> 
> Any advice?


Wow, you'd think you have an axe murderer on your hands, judging from the vitriol of the posts. He's young and he is incredibly immature, but it sounds like you love him. The thing you have to do, I believe, to hold onto a relationship with him is to first respect yourself. Don't give him a hall pass. That only feeds the insecurity that is going on. Tell him that you want to move forward with him, and that he is exactly what you want. Then, if he continues to insult you, I think you have to demand that he respect you. By behaving in a way that shows that your respect yourself, and expect the best from him, this is really the best that you can do for now, in my opinion. It really sounds like he is incredibly insecure in his size and performance, but all you can do is tell him that he is perfect for you (minus the disrespect). Panicking over a fear of him leaving might only enable it. If he is really the man for you, he will come back to you pretty shortly, even if he leaves for a short time. The leaving will probably show him a pretty empty life, and just how much he is losing.

I cannot stress enough that if you respond with calm self-confidence, this looks to him like just the opposite of what he is afraid of with your past. He will feel ashamed to insult you. And his fears are only grounded on his own insecurity.


----------



## pidge70

southernmagnolia said:


> You are the problem here, not your g/f. You need to grow up and mature and live in the real world. It's highly unlikely that you are going to find yourself a virgin.
> 
> As someone else said, feeling like that ain't love. It's childish and jealousy that will suck you dry. You need to grow the hell up and be an adult. Are you 13???


Pretty sure that poster is actually 19.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000

southernmagnolia said:


> You are the problem here, not your g/f. You need to grow up and mature and live in the real world. *It's highly unlikely that you are going to find yourself a virgin.
> *
> As someone else said, feeling like that ain't love. It's childish and jealousy that will suck you dry. You need to grow the hell up and be an adult. Are you 13???


Ummmm. Are there really no virgins of marrying age left?

Do you really have to be 13 to find a virgin?

Why all the hate over a guy who wants to marry a virgin. Is that not totally disrespectful?

I think he is only 19. Folks seem to get so upset about this and I have no idea why they are. It is like they are personally insulted because a guy is either looking for a virgin or a wife that has had a few partners.

And you are mad about it!? WTF!? He should grow up?

The average age for first intercourse for women is said to be about 17 years.

So he should be able to find a good number of 17 - 20 year old virgins if he really wants to. That said, I would suggest he look for a compatible partner who has a reasonable ( in his estimation ) sexual history. Some one with similar values.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> Ummmm. Are there really no virgins of marrying age left?
> 
> Do you really have to be 13 to find a virgin?
> 
> Why all the hate over a guy who wants to marry a virgin. Is that not totally disrespectful?
> 
> I think he is only 19. Folks seem to get so upset about this and I have no idea why they are. It is like they are personally insulted because a guy is either looking for a virgin or a wife that has had a few partners.
> 
> And you are mad about it!? WTF!? He should grow up?
> 
> The average age for first intercourse for women is said to be about 17 years.


There is nothing wrong with wanting a virgin for a gf or wife. What is wrong is finding one that is not and then berating her because of it. 
It's bait and switch and you bet, it's a form of abuse.


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> There is nothing wrong with wanting a virgin for a gf or wife. *What is wrong is finding one that is not and then berating her because of it.
> It's bait and switch and you bet, it's a form of abuse.*


If that is what he is doing then I totally agree that that is abuse and not so much needing to grow up but needing professional help.


----------



## 1-12-t1

1-12-t1 said:


> I can relate to this. I was a virgin with my last girlfriend and she was not. She had 1 other partner before me. To me i felt cheated, judged, and never #1 to her. I know you werent his first... Then i had sex with another girl in revenge (didnt cheat) but it wasnt the same. I had sex with her out or revenge when my girlfriend had sex with another dude out of lust. I thought my girl was the most gorgeous girl in the WOLRD. And me having sex with another girl doesnt compare. We were now both at 2 partners... But i had never lusted after another girl. Thats what hurt me, so even if he has sex with another woman, it wont change anything. He would do it out of anger not lust, and he wants to have sex out of lust. To me, looking back at my relationship, i know its weird but i think it bothered me so much cause i loved her so much.


Where does it say i berated her? called her names? verbally abused her? And did you not read my other post? dude your dumb. Lets focus on the OP. I wrote this to show her an example of how it is from the flip side. Give her another view of what hes feeling. And as far as a virgin, i dont want that. I want a girl with the same morals. I dont want to put a girl who i would fall in love with thru the hurt of what i went thru. And i am 19, almost 20 haha right on with your guess man


----------



## DanF

Hush said:


> It came about because i told him i slept with a man with a bigger penis than his.


OUCH!!!!
Men are very sensitive about penis size. Women can tell us all day long that a bigger penis isn't necessarily better, but we never truly believe it.

I'll share a story that may bring him around.
I am a little larger than average. Not huge, not porn movie massive, but large.
My wife gets sore if we have vaginal sex every day. She can't take all of it in her mouth for a blow job.
She told me about an old boyfriend that she could take all of him in her mouth and he would come in about a minute.
*I am jealous of him.*
They could have sex multiple times a day, many days in a row. He never made her sore.
*I am jealous of him.*
She also told me that my penis is never, ever going to fit in her behind.
*I am sad.*



Hush said:


> And ive slept with twice as many men as he has women.. In a much shorter time period.


Therefore you already know a lot about pleasing a man and should know more about what makes you rock. The two of you have less to figure out.

You're going to have to stroke his ego for that "penis size" comment. Tell him how his "fits" better inside you, that the way he moves it is better than anyone else's, that you love how it is harder than the others that you've been with, etc, etc.

I hope this helps.


----------



## I Just don't get it

I have a little different feeling. My ex and I were virgins when we met. Still remained physically faithful until our divorce.. She had an affair before we split up. She then had a dozen men and I had 2 other women.. My current wife had an ongoing affair while married to her first husband, and had several encounters before we met while single.. I feel cheated that I didn't have more women. But will remain faithful.. It is a very big struggle in my mind to do that...


----------



## SimplyAmorous

1-12-t1 said:


> nope not once did i say i blamed her. I knew she had sex, did i blame her for it? No, but if anything i would say it hurt that i wasnt her first. Did i say i was right for feeling like this? No. And i didnt judge her, i knew it was before she met me, but still, the hurt followed. I know i was insecure, but i was sharing my story to help her out. Maybe thats how he felt. So before you judge me, i was giving insight on how it is to be on the other side of the fence. If i didnt think the info would help i wouldnt post it.


I just want to say something ...I stopped at this very posting, because I , for one, took YOUR words (in that 1st post) exactly how you expressed them . I did NOT see you as judging at all. I did not feel you deserved the backlash. 

If this husband married her KNOWING of her past, this should have been overcome before the marraige, any questions, any comparisons. That would be for the best. But I think it is still not outside of normarcy to still struggle a little (words coming up, things said ) with some doubt, emotions, insecurities as 1-12-t1 expressed. He never put that onto his wife, he only shared it here openly -so we can see inside the mind of a struggling but loving husband. 

If a penis comment came up, even I , as a woman, can see why he would be feeling inadequate. Come on Ladies who are judging these men so harshly -- tell me how YOU would react to ONE word spoken if your husband said something favorable about an ex in bed--- maybe her body was thinner, maybe she had more enthusiam ? 

You'd likely enterain taking an axe to his balls ! He'd never live it down, but you want to give the women a pass so easily. 

It sounds like they love each other very much, but got caught up in some really HURT feelings, words spoken, and not able to overcome -YET. IF he pressured her for this info -well that was just mindless on his part. The Hall pass is silly, because it would be a fruitless effort to even a score that can't be evened --cause likely he has the same MINDSET as 1-12-it's 1st post!! *Which I did find insightful*. 

I like Haliens advice the best.....


> Tell him that you want to move forward with him, and that he is exactly what you want. Then, if he continues to insult you, I think you have to demand that he respect you. By behaving in a way that shows that your respect yourself, and expect the best from him, this is really the best that you can do for now, in my opinion. It really sounds like he is incredibly insecure in his size and performance, but all you can do is tell him that he is perfect for you (minus the disrespect). Panicking over a fear of him leaving might only enable it. If he is really the man for you, he will come back to you pretty shortly, even if he leaves for a short time. The leaving will probably show him a pretty empty life, and just how much he is losing.
> 
> I cannot stress enough that if you respond with calm self-confidence, this looks to him like just the opposite of what he is afraid of with your past. He will feel ashamed to insult you. And his fears are only grounded on his own insecurity.


----------



## chillymorn

SimplyAmorous said:


> I just want to say something ...I stopped at this very posting, because I , for one, took YOUR words (in that 1st post) exactly how you expressed them . I did NOT see you as judging at all. I did not feel you deserved the backlash.
> 
> If this husband married her KNOWING of her past, this should have been overcome before the marraige, any questions, any comparisons. That would be for the best. But I think it is still not outside of normarcy to still struggle a little (words coming up, things said ) with some doubt, emotions, insecurities as 1-12-t1 expressed. He never put that onto his wife, he only shared it here openly -so we can see inside the mind of a struggling but loving husband.
> 
> If a penis comment came up, even I , as a woman, can see why he would be feeling inadequate. Come on Ladies who are judging these men so harshly -- tell me how YOU would react to ONE word spoken if your husband said something favorable about an ex in bed--- maybe her body was thinner, maybe she had more enthusiam ?
> 
> You'd likely enterain taking an axe to his balls ! He'd never live it down, but you want to give the women a pass so easily.
> 
> It sounds like they love each other very much, but got caught up in some really HURT feelings, words spoken, and not able to overcome -YET. IF he pressured her for this info -well that was just mindless on his part. The Hall pass is silly, because it would be a fruitless effort to even a score that can't be evened --cause likely he has the same MINDSET as 1-12-it's 1st post!! *Which I did find insightful*.
> 
> I like Haliens advice the best.....


:iagree:


----------



## loiue

He knew about your past history before he committed, he fully understood and was aware. He committed and he shouldnt judge you for this. He seems a little egotistical if he was worried about someones...size, in your past that isnt in your current life. He should get over it.


----------



## krismimo

Just tell him bigger doesn't always mean better and at the end of the day I married you.... not them but you.


----------



## MrK

If she's 21, he can't be that much older. If he is and I missed it, my apologies. This is a testimonial to why people should not marry young more than anything. 

No, he shouldn't talk to you that way. And also, as E3K so articulately pointed out, there was surely a little more trickle down info that he got after just getting a "number from her" before mariage. How many of you telling the OP that her husband is an abuser who deserves to die (I exaggerate only slightly) would have just told her to say "none of your damn business" when the topic of sexual past comes up?

However it went down, there is now a serious compatibilty issue, and I'm not going to automatically blame him for it. Doesn't matter who's fault it is. But they need to work on it. But yes, the name calling needs to be nipped in the bud immediately. Let him know that is non-negotiable. Play hardball on that, but work on the compatibility issue together.

Some of you amaze me. This guys brain isn't even fully developed yet but you ridicule him as though he should be an expert on relationship psychology.


----------



## RandomDude

Your husband seems rather insecure, there's not much you can do about it really. Actually... hmmm... I don't know if this will help but...
The thing is, my wife has had very bad experiences in the past with guys extremely intimidated by her past (she did it professionally), despite what she does to quench the insecurity of her past dates.

However, there were key things she did for me when we were together that really made me believe without a doubt her past was over. First of all, she always makes me feel like her first love, even if I'm not the one to pop her cherry. Second, she was very headstrong and proud of who she became despite her past, and made it a badge of pride that she has changed. Thirdly, she doesn't put up with insecurity.

As for you mentioning pee pee size, don't ever mention it unless your husband is extremely secure with himself (and if you want to pop his bubble). Like for instance, once I was being an uptight ass to the missus years ago, just to muck around, and then she mentioned she's had bigger... I then told her "well obviously they don't know how to use it - otherwise you wouldn't be here!" Heh

But since he is in lack of confidence about his willy size since your comment, mention this in reverse, see if it helps: "that guy simply can't use it properly and it hurts! Besides I wouldn't be here if I like monster pee pees!"


----------



## 1-12-t1

RandomDude said:


> As for you mentioning pee pee size, don't ever mention it unless your husband is extremely secure with himself (and if you want to pop his bubble). Like for instance, once I was being an uptight ass to the missus years ago, just to muck around, and then she mentioned she's had bigger... I then told her "well obviously they don't know how to use it - otherwise you wouldn't be here!" Heh"


LOL'ed at this pretty good 
keep them jokes comin man


----------



## FieryHairedLady

Honestly it is time for serious damage control.

As previous posters mentioned: its time to really play up on his attributes if this gets brought up again.

She could say her hubby has the biggest girth, and thats what really matters, knows how to use it, etc. 

I was also wondering what "naughty sex" was? lol


----------



## bobdc

he should get over your past. afterall it is your past that made you who you were when you got married.

insecurity can be a tricky thing, so i'm sure it is just his insecurity. maybe you can find a way to stroke his ego and get him to move forward.

good luck!


----------



## sam83

why people can't really understand this the whole mess started after she mentioned she had bigger one and this was very wrong he indeed over reacted but i think he feel awful after his wife told him that


----------



## ren

I'm with someone who has slept with a very large number of men, something that really helps me be more OK with this was her explaining that all her previous experience has made her an expert judge of quality. I can't be the first or the biggest but I am the best.


----------



## FirstYearDown

Most men have a madonna-***** complex. Women are one or the other in their eyes. This is why it is *never *a good idea for a man to know how many partners his wife has had.

My husband found out about my past promiscuity inadvertently. He will never know the actual number, but he knows it is much too high for my age. I just tell hubby that I married my best lover. :smthumbup:

What you said about an ex having a bigger member, was just plain mean. How would you like it if he squeezed your breasts and said:"Mmm...not as big as my ex."


----------



## cressfromhell

I am curious to know how many of the poster's in this thread are Men? 

I personally feel that it's something that you can't control at times. I believe a lot has to do with Hubby's mother. My mother after being divorced from my father had 2 guys she dated in a 6yr period that I knew about. Having a Woman with more partner's than a man is actually Very Annoying!! 

It took me a very long time to get over my wife's past, which by no mean's was bad but not cool as a husband. 

Moral of the story is take your time before getting married. Find out everything there is to know about some one before marriage.


----------



## olwhatsisname

How did the love you had for each other get so mutilated. family,coworkers,books. go find the special you were.and love each other through it.


----------



## Coffee Amore

You bumped up a thread from 2011. It's a zombie (dead) thread.


----------



## olwhatsisname

if there are any pastors out there,please discuss with the young(of the problems in understanding MATES long term) and how we should live for each other. understanding takes a lifetime !


----------

