# feeling broken



## numb2012 (May 27, 2012)

I dont know exactly where to start, so I will start with my story... my husband and I have been together for three years next month and married for six months. about 2 months ago he told me he was unhappy with himself and was unsure if he wanted to continue to be a part of my marriage. he told me it had nothing to do with me but he needed to be on his own to be happy. about four months ago he started hanging out with a female coworker and would never invite me to come along. now dont get me wrong i dont mind him hanging out without me but every day off and saying he needed his space? i thought it was odd but kept my mouth shut, so about a month or so ago he says he has made up his mind and wants a divorce, i ask if this has anything to do with his new "friend" and he replys no. so im sad to say that i have still been holding on to the hope that our marraige can work and waiting for him to make that decision for me. about three weeks ago he tells me he wants to work on our marriage but did have an affair with the friend from work he had been hanging out with. i told him i wanted to work on our relationship also because i thought it was worth saving, but she had to go, no contact with her.... i wake up the next morning to find a message from him saying he needs more time... a week goes by and he says yet again he is wanting to try but to take it day by day, that lasts 3 whole days until he goes to the bar with her, to which i show up walk in to the bar and sit down at the table her and him are at. he procceds to tell me what a psycho i am and he is done. we have talked on and off since but mostly when he contacts me for sexual favores. i know that i shouldnt even talk with him but it kills me that he is willing to give up so easily. he says that he needs to figure things out on his own but how can he do that when he is constantly with her? its so frustrating to know that i am at home sad, lonely and upset every night when he gets to continue to lead his life and basicly replace me with someone else. i know that i shouldnt even still want him but i do, i feel so lonely and he is the only one i want, what to do?


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

numb2012 said:


> its so frustrating to know that i am at home sad, lonely and upset every night when he gets to continue to lead his life and basicly replace me with someone else.


This is my situation almost exactly...except I don't know if there is another man in her life, yet...but she was on dating sites before she moved out. It is tough watching the one that hurt you so bad being out there seemingly having the time of their lives whilst you bear the burden of pain.

I have no real answers other than to keep as busy as you can to try and keep your mind off it. Exercise is great to get the endorphins flowing, individual counselling is also very helpful and if things get really bad on the depression front then meds are an option too.


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## numb2012 (May 27, 2012)

Mothera777 I feel for you and know exatcly what you are going through. i try to stay busy and normally do throughout the day but its night time that gets hard. i have fallen off of my work out program and need to get back with it, its just hard to get started again.... thanks for the advice!

I cant help but wonder what would have happened if i had not have just shown up at the bar that night. thats not the type of person that i am, i was just soo feed up with his lies i had to do it. i often wonder if that truely is what changed his mind into not trying to work on our marraige?


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

I also have come close to falling off the work out routine - it gets hard when you are dealing with the emotional rollercoaster ride, looking after kids and working. My little technique for pushing on with a workout...even if I am not feeling up for it, is to visualise my ex mocking me and saying I cannot do it - I got through a 24km bike ride using this technique and it worked. It sounds silly but you've got to try whatever works for you.

There is a book Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends that others here recommended to me. It arrived in the mail today and it is fantastic - it covers every aspect of what those of us unfortunate enough to be on this section of the forum are going through. Definitely worth tracking down.

I am not sure if turning up at the bar would have changed your situation. It sounds like my ex and many others on here that he checked out some time ago. Don't blame yourself for what happened...it is hard not to at this stage but you will only damage yourself if you think that way. 

All the best with it, make sure you get plenty of support from your family, friends and co-workers. There is also plenty of support from this forum - posting here has helped me immensely!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Showing up at the bar had nothing to do with it. He is in an affair fog -- he will not be able to decide he wants to reconcile with you until she is completely out of his life. Read the Coping with Infidelity section for information on that, but know that the best thing for you now is to do the 180 and stop all contact. I have done this, as have most on this section of TAM. It isn't easy, but it does get easier. Sending you prayers and hugs!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## numb2012 (May 27, 2012)

well now I am totally confused. for several weeks he has said he will be by to move his things out (he has been staying with family) so today i bag some clothes up and ask him when someone will be home so i can drop them off, bc i am just sick of looking at them.

He went completely nuts bc i touched his things! why get so upset that i am helping you move out to try and make things easier on me?


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## InTheBedIMade (May 20, 2012)

Just tell him that his things will be available on the curb every Tuesday at 8 am?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## numb2012 (May 27, 2012)

InTheBedIMade said:


> Just tell him that his things will be available on the curb every Tuesday at 8 am?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i completely agree! the way he acted was like i called to tell him hello i set your things on fire in the dumpster! i just dont get it. 

the only logic i can come up with is maybe he wanted his cake and to eat it also, maybe he thought i would still be here when he was done with the new girl? :scratchhead:


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## InTheBedIMade (May 20, 2012)

Yep. Remove his safety net and let him squirm. Sometimes that's enough to make a person seem a little more desperate and needy in their fantasy relationship. 

Everyone hates desperation and neediness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## numb2012 (May 27, 2012)

thanks inthebedimade i really think you are correct, i have always been there for him and i am not proud to say that i still have been there for him even though all he has put me through.

i know that i shouldnt want to be with him still, but i really do hope that he will pull his head out and realize what he is doing before its too late....


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## InTheBedIMade (May 20, 2012)

Have you decided when 'it's too late' actually is? That's your call and it is time to start defining it.


IMHO of course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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