# How to bring back LOVE and RESPECT by my wife in our MARRIAGE



## kekel1123 (Aug 17, 2011)

I said I will lie low on TAM just yesterday, but lo and behold, Im here again. Just to get some input regarding the topic. As a refresher, Married for over 9 yrs, we have a kid aged 8. Wife earns more than me. My issue is my PRIDE and EGO. Recently She said she wants out of this relationship. She even said she want a D. There is a lot going on , stress/problems (financial, health , extended -family on her part, work security). I am doing the manning up thing but somehow I stumble along the road. Reading most of the recommended books here on TAM , and about to watch the movie Fireproof.At first she only wants a seperation, but now she wants a D. Were still living on the same roof but just like roomates. I dont like to end our marriage like this. Thats why im trying everything i can to salvage our marriage. And I am hoping that she will see/appreciate it.She totally shut me off (emotionally, sexually , etc.... ). I know I might be co-dependent to her. Another reason that makes me really depressed and anxious about all this thing is that I am an only child and an Orphaned. I guess the fear of being alone/losing the family I wanted scares me. Any inputs will be greatly appreciated.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

kekel1123 said:


> I said I will lie low on TAM just yesterday, but lo and behold, Im here again. Just to get some input regarding the topic. As a refresher, Married for over 9 yrs, we have a kid aged 8. Wife earns more than me. My issue is my PRIDE and EGO. Recently She said she wants out of this relationship. She even said she want a D. There is a lot going on , stress/problems (financial, health , extended -family on her part, work security). I am doing the manning up thing but somehow I stumble along the road. Reading most of the recommended books here on TAM , and about to watch the movie Fireproof.At first she only wants a seperation, but now she wants a D. Were still living on the same roof but just like roomates. I dont like to end our marriage like this. Thats why im trying everything i can to salvage our marriage. And I am hoping that she will see/appreciate it.She totally shut me off (emotionally, sexually , etc.... ). I know I might be co-dependent to her. Another reason that makes me really depressed and anxious about all this thing is that I am an only child and an Orphaned. I guess the fear of being alone/losing the family I wanted scares me. Any inputs will be greatly appreciated.


Do the 180 on her. Why does she want a D???


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

See a therapist who can help you figure out what the dynamic is in the marriage. You can only do YOUR part and you can't make your wife stay if she wants to leave, but two people create the marriage dynamic, so if there are things you can be doing to improve the situation, you can at least work on that. 

I know from my own experience that childhood wounds/dysfunction often impacts your adult life and relationships. You may have an insecure attachement style that is getting in the way of your life now. Children develop coping skills in life that work for them when they are children, but when we grow up, the things we did to protect ourselves when we were little often get in the way of our grown up lives (jobs, friends, marriage, parenting). They just don't work anymore, but those coping skills are so ingrained, that it is hard to find a new paradigm for living....but a therapist can help you with that.

I am sorry that you are orphaned. Even if your wife leaves, don't ever allow your relationship with your child to end. You will still have a family in your child and always will. Just remember that!


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## kekel1123 (Aug 17, 2011)

Thanks for the input!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

So did you watch Fireproof? I'm interested in your reaction
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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