# Is this Emotional Affairs



## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

Here is what happened. 
We've been married 10 years.

About a year ago, he got really into Facebook and joined a political group. He became a bit obsessed with it staying up very late at night every night posting and chatting to these people.

About 6 months ago now, he became very distant and rather mean to me. We got into a fight and he slept on the couch.

A few days later I walk by his desk and he quickly closes his screen. I asked him what he was doing and he just said nothing. I said so why close the screen so fast? Anyway he argued and finally I saw the chat and he was chatting with some woman from the group and he was telling her all these lies about me saying I was this monster and he was trapped in a prison.

I was furious and said I wanted it to stop right now. He turns in on me saying you just don't want me to have any friends. He refused to stop talking to her.

A few days later she messages me on Facebook and I said to stay out of our marriage so she lets loose with a bunch of cussing calling me everything in the book saying there was nothing going on with them and I was being a controlling nut.

My husband comes in later and yells at me saying I provoked her and he deleted and blocked me from Facebook

Things just aren't the same since. He moved into the other bedroom.

A few weeks ago a package came in the mail with his fake facebook name on it and some hearts drawn around his name. It was from another woman on the political group. I got upset and he turned it back on me once again saying I didn't want him to have any friends and that it was just a plant cutting.

We just didn't talk anymore hardly for a week. I catch him taking one of my plants that I actually hybridized and he was planning on sending it to her. I was upset and of course *I* am being controlling and he said he felt like he was in a prison.

He says he is doing nothing wrong. I think he is being a jerk.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

If he thinks he's in a prison set him free. In other words dump his sorry butt. Yes it is an emotional affair or worse.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Do you have kids?


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

technovelist said:


> Do you have kids?


No kids


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yes, it's an emotional affair.



lovecat said:


> No kids


File for divorce ASAP.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

I'm sorry but your marriage is gone. He clearly chooses other women over you. He is having emotional affairs online. He will not stop. Kick his cheating a$$ to the curb. See a lawyer to figure out how to divide assets. He will not leave them over you. He may just take his habit underground. Either way, please cut your loses and stop wasting time with this "prisoner".


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

I thought it was wrong but he has been heck bent on saying I'm the one at fault that I just want to get rid of his friends. 

These women are in relationships too. 

It seems he just spends all his time chatting with these people in the group men and women and just completely shut me out like I don't exist. He uses fake names online and acts like he is single as he only mentions me to slag me off.

It definitely not a physical affair as he never leaves the house! Maybe the group members can come and take him off my hands!


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Having an on-line affair is secondary to the total disrespect toward you along with his immaturity. 

He blocked you on Facebook? 

If it were me, I would have divorce papers drawn up as soon as I could. Oh, how his tune would change then......

Yes, let him out of his prison and you will soon see who the free one really is. 

No kids, hubby in love with the computer......run....and don't look back. You'll be missing nothing.


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

Yeah maturity! He is mid 30s acting like a teen! He had the nerve to say the other day how much he had changed and matured over the years and pointed out the ways he thought I was immature.

I think I'll give him his wish. 

Funny how he supposedly wants out so badly but has done nothing to make that happen!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

lovecat said:


> I thought it was wrong but he has been heck bent on saying I'm the one at fault that I just want to get rid of his friends.
> 
> These women are in relationships too.
> 
> ...


Every relationship has the potential to be dynamic. That is, one day you think you can handle, control the relationship keep it at the same limit that it is now. And the next week, you discover it has turned in to something else.

your husband already believes that "owes" these women something. Pretty soon, he'll be upset because somehow, they will claim that he "has led them on." Go figure.

As the others have said, particularly with no children to consider, start thinking about how you will go about getting a divorce and let your estranged husband contemplate his near future life fooling around with married women online.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Classic cheater tactic: when confronted with the evidence, they blame the betrayed spouse for the whole sordid affair (pun intended).

Throw divorce papers at him, and his true colors will show... but I think that they have already.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Are you married to my husband??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

He is having EAs, and is doing the classic Gaslighting - trying to make you feel like you're crazy to accuse him of anything. My now ex had two long term EAs that I know about - when I confronted him about it being inappropriate that he made compilation music CDs and bought leather boots and jackets for them online as gifts, he said, "What? I can't have female friends? You have male friends." When I pointed out that I didn't email, then text, my male friends ever, let alone constantly, he said "You're just paranoid."

In the end, he started a third EA, which he started out by telling her what a cold-hearted shrew I was, and it very quickly became a PA. He would have lied to me about that one forever if I hadn't irrefutably caught them in the middle of a texting session that was clearly about where their "relationship" was going.

If not for my son, who I'm very glad is here, I wish I'd dumped him years ago. You're already alone in your marriage. That's not going to change. You're the imprisoned one. Set yourself free to find happiness either on your own where at least you're not living with someone who not only routinely lies to you, but tries to make you feel like it's your fault he does, or to find someone who will treat you with the respect and honor you deserve.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Emotional affair? Most definitely. Based upon his reaction, I must say that you're better off without him. I truly believe that how a WS's initial reaction to being discovered says a lot about whether a marriage is worth salvaging. When my wife discovered I was in 2 EAs and she called me out on them was to immediately confess and throw myself at her feet. In your case...He isn't worth it. I may be wrong, but whatever you decide to do...first and foremost...protect yourself.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

lovecat said:


> Here is what happened.
> We've been married 10 years.
> 
> About a year ago, he got really into Facebook and joined a political group. He became a bit obsessed with it staying up very late at night every night posting and chatting to these people.
> ...


This marriage is over. Get a divorce.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

lovecat said:


> No kids


Then you should divorce him as soon as possible.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

This one is a no-brainer. No kids involved: bye bye. Let him try to date his Facebook friend....


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stop controlling him, let him do what he wants and be happy for him.

And when you are talking to your lawyer make sure you have everything covered in what you want out of the divorce settlement.

It's time to give him a piece of his new reality by going out, taking care of your self and if your old man wants you to make him dinner or clean his close ....well then....you are no longer in any position to help him with anything.....you girl have been replaced. Those kid of favors no belong to someone else.

I suggest you go out have your dinner and then head to the gym. Find some volonteer work to do and leave your old man home alone in front of his computer.

As you can see you can't compete so please stop trying and take control of the thing you do have control over and that's you and what you do to show your old man that you are done.

Actions speak louder then word....I mean come on girl...how long have you been try to control you old man" 

Just let him go!


And Ya I know how hard it is but you have to fake it until you can make it.


If you think about it once you start showing the indifference and distance that your old man deserves then maybe he will start chasing you.

And.....

Will find him here at TAM talking about how he phucked up his marriage and how to get his wife back.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The worst thing you can do is beg and scream and fight for someone who has replaced you.

Stop sharing your old man and ....

JUST LET THEM GO!!!!


Trust me it will totaly raise your attraction level once you stop this crap and just him go wish him the best and distance your self.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

He's a moron and there are better out there.

Leave yesterday


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You have plenty of good advice here. You have no children. Time to pack up. You are in your 30s. Your husband should not be this stupid, but he is. See an attorney and be done with this farce of a marriage.

He is sending gifts through the mail, including your prized cultivated plants. Before you know it, he'll be sending his paychecks as well. You deserve a better husband.


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

LosingHim said:


> Are you married to my husband??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think they have all read the same cheater's handbook.


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

Nomorebeans said:


> He is having EAs, and is doing the classic Gaslighting - trying to make you feel like you're crazy to accuse him of anything. My now ex had two long term EAs that I know about - when I confronted him about it being inappropriate that he made compilation music CDs and bought leather boots and jackets for them online as gifts, he said, "What? I can't have female friends? You have male friends." When I pointed out that I didn't email, then text, my male friends ever, let alone constantly, he said "You're just paranoid."
> 
> In the end, he started a third EA, which he started out by telling her what a cold-hearted shrew I was, and it very quickly became a PA. He would have lied to me about that one forever if I hadn't irrefutably caught them in the middle of a texting session that was clearly about where their "relationship" was going.
> 
> If not for my son, who I'm very glad is here, I wish I'd dumped him years ago. You're already alone in your marriage. That's not going to change. You're the imprisoned one. Set yourself free to find happiness either on your own where at least you're not living with someone who not only routinely lies to you, but tries to make you feel like it's your fault he does, or to find someone who will treat you with the respect and honor you deserve.


OMG he says the name things! "Can't I have female friends. You're old fashioned to think men and women can't be just friends." etc.

Hmm I'm not exchanging little gifts with them and the few male friends I do have, I might chat a few times a year and it certainly isn't a big secret from their wife/gf and if their partner did have an issue with me, I would f right off because their relationship takes priority and I would be a friend to their marriage.

Yeah everything is a big secret with him now and of course that is MY fault for spying on him. He says he has no privacy and he has to change his passwords every other day because of me.

Well hmmm what are you hiding that you have to keep all these friendships a big secret from your wife? 

He wanted to go through my chats after I caught him discussing our marriage with a woman online and I said go for it. And he was like oh here is a guy you are talking to... oh it's asking what time they can come over and cut the grass.


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

MountainRunner said:


> Emotional affair? Most definitely. Based upon his reaction, I must say that you're better off without him. I truly believe that how a WS's initial reaction to being discovered says a lot about whether a marriage is worth salvaging. When my wife discovered I was in 2 EAs and she called me out on them was to immediately confess and throw myself at her feet. In your case...He isn't worth it. I may be wrong, but whatever you decide to do...first and foremost...protect yourself.


Yeah that is the thing, he has zero remorse about it at all and has been downright mean to me since.

I am better off without him.


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

Roselyn said:


> You have plenty of good advice here. You have no children. Time to pack up. You are in your 30s. Your husband should not be this stupid, but he is. See an attorney and be done with this farce of a marriage.
> 
> He is sending gifts through the mail, including your prized cultivated plants. Before you know it, he'll be sending his paychecks as well. You deserve a better husband.


ha that is the kicker! He hasn't had a job in several years and seems to be a perpetual student.

wow I really do need to just dump him off.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Start getting your ducks in a row Lovecat. I think he will be in a much worse situation with you checking out.
You have a job, he doesn't, can you ask him to leave? i hope you will not have to pay him any money?Get yourself a good lawyer and present him with the papers, he has no respect for you at all.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

lovecat said:


> ha that is the kicker! He hasn't had a job in several years and seems to be a perpetual student.
> 
> wow I really do need to just dump him off.


I have no idea why you're still married to him. It doesn't make sense.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What are your living arrangements? Renting, own, leasing?

How far do you live from your parents? How long married?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tell him if he feels he is a prisoner that you are hereby revoking and commuting his sentence and setting him free.

He can go live with one of his girlfriends. Well, so long as her husband doesn't mind. And so long as "Jane" doesn't really turn out to be John! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

Chaparral said:


> What are your living arrangements? Renting, own, leasing?
> 
> How far do you live from your parents? How long married?


We're renting. Parents are deceased.


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