# Feeling torn apart



## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

I've been having problems in my M for quite some time now. Mainly because I was being selfish, not intentionally but because I was trying to better myself. I grew up in a broken home and watch my mom use drugs her whole life, and while she was doing that she pretty much abandoned me. I had to raise myself since I was 12 and never grew up with a father figure. None of my family step in to help me and they're all successful in life. My stbxw comes from a big and close family, that was something I was not use to. Over time I leaned to adapt to the situation and try to be part of the family but it just wasn't something I was use to being a part of. Over the past 2 years I have built up a resentment for some of my W family members because I felt like they were taking advantage of her. My W has elderly parents who need her assistance but she also has other siblings who should be stepping up to help her but they don't. So the load falls on her, my thing is if they know you need there help and they refuse to do so why do you still break your neck to help them when come calling. I mean her father had surgery last year, and he such a good man, but I was the one who went down there everyday and gave him a bath while her brother sat there and watch. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I felt like her family was more important than me. She is a good women and I have a lot of respect for her, she done a lot for me more than anyone in my whole life.,but when she said she wanted a D for the second time I felt shattered. I mean it's so easy for her to find all my faults and cut me off but she can never her foot down and tell her family where to shove it. It make feel like a chump. She wants me out the house and I don't have any family or any where to go. I'm living check to check.
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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Sounds like you are in a tough position. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for only one or a couple family members to step up and bare the burden of taking care of an elderly family member when that time comes. It's exhausting and it takes a toll on relationships. Is your wife under extreme stress? I'm living it now and I have also worked with the elderly. There is usually only one family member (if any at all) that take on care-taking responsibility. You said for better or worse. Do you believe your wife would be understanding if you were in her position? Have you talked to her about your feelings regarding her family taking advantage of her? Sounds like her brain has been overloaded. If I were you I would try to find a place to stay. Back off. Give her some space to think about if this is what she really wants.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

RSFWID,

I can feel the pain in your post. As one of six siblings who was the ONLY one who sat by each of my parent's bedsides as they died (yes, literally holding their hands, I was the only one there, while they died) I can certainly relate to what you're going through with your FIL's surgery. My brothers and sisters all bailed; they couldn't handle it; they left it to the "strong one" in the family. Yeah, right.

Perhaps your wife is in denial, can't really accept what happened to her father. And she is not strong enough to handle it (neither is her brother) and it got dumped off on you.

All I can suggest is to be strong for YOU. They laid a very heavy load on you -- divorce is the least of your problems right now, although it may feel very different to you.

Don't feel alone. Reach out to friends, family, your pastor, anyone who can help you deal with your feelings. Be strong for YOU, your wife may come to view things very differently.

We're all rooting for you, and we're here if you need us.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

I missed something in your story.

Your childhood, your marriage, your wife has a lot on her plate, and she asked to divorce you twice.

What happened to bring up the possibility of divorce the first time?

Are you driving your wife crazy? She's trying to care for her elderly parents. Not a good time to get clingy and make demands.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> I missed something in your story.
> 
> Your childhood, your marriage, your wife has a lot on her plate, and she asked to divorce you twice.
> 
> ...


First off I'm not clingy, and not driving anyone crazy. I'm trying to protect my W. This something that has been going for years and she always complains about it and I know it taking a toll on her and my M. I just want what's best for family and watching my w get run down to the ground is not what's best for my family. You will have to read my previous post to much to rewrite.
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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> RSFWID,
> 
> I can feel the pain in your post. As one of six siblings who was the ONLY one who sat by each of my parent's bedsides as they died (yes, literally holding their hands, I was the only one there, while they died) I can certainly relate to what you're going through with your FIL's surgery. My brothers and sisters all bailed; they couldn't handle it; they left it to the "strong one" in the family. Yeah, right.
> 
> ...


Finally, someone who understands where I'm coming from. I thank you for taking the time to respond. Let ask you a question. If you had children from a previous relationship and one of children wanted to come and live with you because he/she were having problem with there mother and you discussed it with your W and she said she didn't want raise your children but decided it to let her nephew live with you so he could go to school, how would you feel?
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