# Numbers of viewers



## CaptainMyCaptain

So, I was logged on and noticed that the number of people viewing this thread, Long Term Success, was 6. The number viewing Sex in Marriage, was 205, and the number viewing Coping with Infidelity in Marriage was 438. Anyone see a problem with these numbers, besides me? It appears that there are more than twice as many people coping with cheating spouses than there are having long term success in their marriage or sex in their marriage. Maybe if more people read Long Term Success posts, there wouldn't be so many Coping with Infidelity. 
Just an observation. Have a good day everyone!


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## Jellybeans

CaptainMyCaptain said:


> Maybe if more people read Long Term Success posts, there wouldn't be so many Coping with Infidelity.


Disagree. Infidelity has been around since the beginning of time, whether people are reading about successful marriages or infidelity on online forums. People tend to post more about things they are having a hard time with, hence the traffic CWI gets; they come for advice and to vent.

Happy day to you, too!


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## ConanHub

ThreeTimesaLady has a super good thread that everyone could learn from.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor

Unfortunately, CWI has had and always will have a train wreck magnetism surrounding it.


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## SimplyAmorous

CaptainMyCaptain said:


> So, I was logged on and noticed that the number of people viewing this thread, Long Term Success, was 6. The number viewing Sex in Marriage, was 205, and the number viewing Coping with Infidelity in Marriage was 438. Anyone see a problem with these numbers, besides me? It appears that there are more than twice as many people coping with cheating spouses than there are having long term success in their marriage or sex in their marriage. Maybe if more people read Long Term Success posts, there wouldn't be so many Coping with Infidelity.
> Just an observation. Have a good day everyone!


I've noticed for a long long time that Coping with Infidelity is like 3 times plus more popular here, it's the one section I rarely click on...as I don't have experience with it...outside of what I have seen friends go through..

When someone comes here, they have a need to find others they can relate to..it they've just had a spouse betray them in the worst way...they NEED to rant, and UNLOAD.... the very last thing they want to read is about those flying high in successful marriages, this would make them feel worse ! 

Even I would want to throw up on that -if in their shoes.








.... I'd more so need someone who has "*been there*" ..hearing how others picked themselves up off the ground...how to go forth from the ashes...

Then after this ...learning to make better choices in love... notice the red flags for future relationships....so it makes a great deal of sense why.. 

But it's great they have this section too!


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## CaptainMyCaptain

SimplyAmorous said:


> I've noticed for a long long time that Coping with Infidelity is like 3 times plus more popular here, it's the one section I rarely click on...as I don't have experience with it...outside of what I have seen friends go through..
> 
> When someone comes here, they have a need to find others they can relate to..it they've just had a spouse betray them in the worst way...they NEED to rant, and UNLOAD.... the very last thing they want to read is about those flying high in successful marriages, this would make them feel worse !
> 
> Even I would want to throw up on that -if in their shoes.
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> .... I'd more so need someone who has "*been there*" ..hearing how others picked themselves up off the ground...how to go forth from the ashes...
> 
> Then after this ...learning to make better choices in love... notice the red flags for future relationships....so it makes a great deal of sense why..
> 
> But it's great they have this section too!


It appears from a couple of replies that I didn't do a good job of clarifying my thoughts. I was trying to make two points. 1) It is sad that so many people are having to cope with infidelity. 2) Perhaps if more people read the Long Term Success posts, BEFORE there was infidelity, it would help reduce the numbers of those coping with infidelity. 
Lesson learned, my communication skills need to improve. It was just an observation.


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## Mrs Chai

As a long time lurker to TAM I pop into CWI more often than any other forum because I recognize a lot of the names there. I focus on the longer threads because they have a story of - hopefully - progression whether its reconciliation or divorce. I think it really bares someone's being discussing and talking about infidelity. This creates a connection. The threads are also dotted with gems of great advice or insight from regulars or passerby's. 

I have a harder time finding threads like that outside of that section.

It could also be when I first came to TAM it was for that section and has since been where I gravitate to. I still have some unasked and unanswered questions that I search for.

I also like to see people pull themselves out of a bad situation into a better life. Doesn't always happen but I always go back hoping...


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## commonsenseisn't

CaptainMyCaptain said:


> It appears that there are more than twice as many people coping with cheating spouses than there are having long term success in their marriage or sex in their marriage. !


Nope. CWI is more sensational to read, hence the entertainment factor. 

Numerous long time posters will post repeatedly in a CWI thread even knowing full well they are being trolled by the OP. Irresistible to many.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening all
I suspect most people come to these boards because of problems in their marriages. Long term success isn't a problem....


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## Coffee Amore

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> I suspect most people come to these boards because of problems in their marriages. Long term success isn't a problem....


Agreed.

The majority of people with great marriages aren't on relationship boards that focus on problems in marriages. TAM is skewed to those who have experienced bad marriages. The vast majority of people in happy healthy marriages aren't posting here. Why would they? They're happy going about their lives. So I don't think TAM is representative of the general population. There are though some people on TAM who have strong, happy relationships and they have an interest in discussing them.


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## Amplexor

A trend I have always seen here in my tenure is, in general:

Women tend to come here for advice when they are unhappy in the marriage or sense there is a problem.

Men tend to come here when their marriage turns sexless or they just got "blind-sided" by their wife's affair.


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## CincyBluesFan

The numbers may not tell the whole story. That forum probably has a ton of lurkers that can't resist reading all the stories of betrayal and devastation. They have a morbid curiosity for it like the people who slow down at car wrecks hoping to see some gore.


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## CincyBluesFan

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> I suspect most people come to these boards because of problems in their marriages. Long term success isn't a problem....


Quoted for truth.


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## EleGirl

People who are happy in their marriages usually do not spend a lot of time searching the internet for marriage support forums and help to fix problems that they don't have.


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## CincyBluesFan

EleGirl said:


> People who are happy in their marriages usually do not spend a lot of time searching the internet for marriage support forums and help to fix problems that they don't have.


I'm just here for the sex forum.  I'm always eager to learn a new trick to share with my sweet wife. I have to say, however, that the sex in marriage forum here is kind of a dud. Most of the threads are "we're not having any sex" or "we're in a sexless marriage and I'm done." I was disappointed.


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## Flying_Dutchman

CaptainMyCaptain said:


> 2) Perhaps if more people read the Long Term Success posts, BEFORE there was infidelity, it would help reduce the numbers of those coping with infidelity.
> Lesson learned, my communication skills need to improve.


Nature of the beast(s).

The WS isn't looking to improve their relationship - quite the opposite.

The BS still thinks his or her relationship is fine.

The BS will show up in CWI when the WS is busted. The WS will show up in CWI (all regretful, like) when the BS won't rugsweep and files for D.

Communication skills you'll seldom get right. Nobody does. Some won't 'get' your intent, humour, or whatever. Then, there's always a minority LOOKING to leap on any ambiguity to twist in their favour,, for reasons of 'standard' trolling, to persue an agenda, or to be 'offended', on their own behalf or whichever 'persecuted minority' they've appointed themselves a mouthpiece for. 

One way or another, you'll be misinterpreted no matter how hard you try. Par for the course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

CincyBluesFan said:


> *I'm just here for the sex forum.  I'm always eager to learn a new trick to share with my sweet wife. I have to say, however, that the sex in marriage forum here is kind of a dud. Most of the threads are "we're not having any sex" or "we're in a sexless marriage and I'm done." I was disappointed.*


I landed here too -looking for a "happening sex forum".. I wanted MORE from my H... I was immediately impressed by the articulate posters here ...no other forum I found compared.. and boy did I search for every last one..most were too "jokey" some had naked pictures , not exactly where a married woman should be hanging out...

But here ....they like to get into dissecting the issues /deep discussions/ sharing... that's how I got hooked posting here (as I much enjoy that sort of thing myself)..... 

Sometimes I wish I could just walk away from this forum...it's a colossal waste of my time...but I've found it difficult to stay away.. darn it..  

I enjoy talking about marriage, I hold a candle for it in a society where it is slowly dying with each passing year... it is often mocked/ joked about ... we tell our sons it's the dumbest thing he can do....I find it all very very sad .. yet I understand *the incentives* are very few for the modern man, even for many modern women .


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## CincyBluesFan

SimplyAmorous said:


> I landed here too -looking for a "happening sex forum".. I wanted MORE from my H... I was immediately impressed by the articulate posters here ...no other forum I found compared.. and boy did I search for every last one..most were too "jokey" some had naked pictures , not exactly where a married woman should be hanging out...
> 
> But here ....they like to get into dissecting the issues /deep discussions/ sharing... that's how I got hooked posting here (as I much enjoy that sort of thing myself).....
> 
> Sometimes I wish I could just walk away from this forum...it's a colossal waste of my time...but I've found it difficult to stay away.. darn it..
> 
> I enjoy talking about marriage, I hold a candle for it in a society where it is slowly dying with each passing year... it is often mocked/ joked about ... we tell our sons it's the dumbest thing he can do....I find it all very very sad .. yet I understand *the incentives* are very few for the modern man, even for many modern women .


I think it's funny when "intellectuals" write articles saying that monogamous marriage isn't natural or that the concept of soul mates isn't real. That's all hogwash. The truth, in their cases, is that they themselves haven't found these things, or have failed at monogamy, and so they project that nobody can do it. Well, we're doing it and have been for 29+ years.

I also like to talk about marriage. My wife and I have both become the unofficial marriage coaches for younger people we each work with because of our longevity.

If you get even 1 thing from here that helps you or, even better, you are able to help even 1 other person then you haven't wasted your time. With that said, I'm here today because I'm taking a virtual day off from work. Sitting at my desk typing away giving off the perception I'm working but nothing could be further from the truth. lol


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## SimplyAmorous

CincyBluesFan said:


> *I think it's funny when "intellectuals" write articles saying that monogamous marriage isn't natural or that the concept of soul mates isn't real.* That's all hogwash. The truth, in their cases, is that they themselves haven't found these things, or have failed at monogamy, and so they project that nobody can do it. Well, we're doing it and have been for 29+ years.


 I resonate with many of the articles written that speaks of a soul mate, or its meaning...although I have argued against the concept itself.. in this thread... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relati...out-being-soulmates-opinions-appreciated.html



> *Simplyamorous said*: For many yrs I used the term *Soulmate* in talking about my husband.....cause I always felt I found mine....(He still uses it in regards to me- I'm not going to yell at him for this)....
> 
> But one night yrs ago now.... I caught this Christian Marriage Counselor on TV ....talking about this concept/belief..... and how it has the potential to HURT many marriages...
> 
> Because when going through a really rough patch, one may start to QUESTION if who they are with = their "*Soul mate*"....or they missed him or her.... they entertain that their soul mate is still out there waiting to be found... tempted to chase some Romantic rainbow - dancing in their heads .....
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> Instead of sticking it out & working together for a reconciliation / that* hard work* needed to find peace & Harmony within the marriage, they are tempted to look outside of it.
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> So in this way, the "soul mate" belief can lead one down a wrong path ...
> 
> The Beef of that program was...a Marriage is what we put into it, where 2 people give & share lovingly & care about one another...this can be found with MANY people around the globe, also if we loose a spouse, we can find it with another ....compatibility is helpful here....but there is no bonafide soul mate for each.
> 
> I really enjoyed that program & seen much *WISDOM* in it...
> 
> Yet still...me & mine still refer to each other like this on occasion... We're not perfect..noone is or ever will be -fights will come....yet we can laugh & still find great love in those very "imperfections" ...my attempt at explaining this HERE >>
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...t-but-beauty-can-found-our-imperfections.html


 Though I want to share this wonderful article with you..written by John Grey, the author of "Men are From Mars, women are from Venus"... it is the closest thing I have found to give a reasonable LOOK at using the WORD in it's intended meaning... it's something that takes TIME, shared experiences , overcoming challenges to give it's rightful place ... 








...Soulmates: Myth or Reality? ...












CincyBluesFan said:


> *I also like to talk about marriage. My wife and I have both become the unofficial marriage coaches for younger people we each work with because of our longevity.
> 
> If you get even 1 thing from here that helps you, or even better, you are able to help even 1 other person then you haven't wasted your time. lol*


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