# Did you live together before marriage?



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My parents always told is not to move in with a potential husband/wife until after the marriage took place. "why buy the cow when the milk is free" sort of thing.

I always took her advice on that subject since I'm more "old school"/"old fashioned" even though I was young. My brother did not. He lived with a 2-3 women, the last one is his wife before tying the knot.

My husband lived with his ex w before marriage, yet engaged. He did not have a good marriage with her. She really left a good man, which is good for me. I have him now and we are a very happy couple for the last 12 years of marriage. Once his ex found out we were to be married, she tried her darnedest to get him back. It didn't work, he was in love with me and still is.

My husband asked me a few times to move in once we were engaged, said I could sleep in any room I wanted until we were officially married. I declined. I was working and going to college and quite frankly, I didn't like the idea even though he had a house by himself with 4 bedrooms.

Did you wait to move in or did you move in together prior to marriage?

I don't see anything wrong with it, but I am curious. And also, do you regret your decision which ever way it went?


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Yes we did move in together. Married within a year. In Quebec, there is a high percentage of common law unions. I'm not sure what the numbers are, but many French Canadians opt not to marry.


----------



## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Although I lived with a boyfriend for a while (that relationship ended), my H and I did not l live together before marriage. He didn't live with any woman before me. In our case it was mostly circumstances. We lived pretty far apart before we were married and we were only engaged for a few months anyway. I don't regret anything, but I am certain that if we had lived together for those few months nothing would be different.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I lived with my husband for over a year before we got married. This was largely my decision. I was the one who wanted to know if we could live together before marrying him.

In hindsight it made no difference whatsoever. We still struggled. We are still married (20 years) but we still struggled. LOL


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Hi Omega! *waves* 

My husband and I also did not live together before marriage. I lived with plenty of long-term boyfriends before and it didn't seem to me that it had been a good idea. My husband never lived with a woman who is not family before me. I think that experience could have been helpful to him in the long run.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My parents always told is not to move in with a potential husband/wife until after the marriage took place. "why buy the cow when the milk is free" sort of thing.


Me & my husband, I swear, did everything out of the ordinary. 

One could say he didn't get the milk for free and I still lived with him. Most men would likely call my husband :gun: insane or the stupidest guy around...but he was really OK with waiting for "the milk" - even respected it ... we still had other FUN  -but "intercourse" was my boundary, I made that known to him early on. 

In fact, his parents took me in when I was 18 after living in a Camper in someone's back yard...His Dad didn't feel that was right & asked me to come live with them. ....my bedroom was 2 doors down from his, his little brother separating us -for a few yrs while we saved our $$$, both working full time & him attending a Computer college..... until we got our own little place not too long after... 

The day we moved in together on a little house on a Hill ...we got a puppy & planned our Weddding & walked down the aisle 8 months later....had a Big wedding & we both wore White... still had something "new" (what we felt was "sacred") to bring to our Union........ Finally....we could get as intimate as we've been savoring for years... but we had some trouble with that! (always a story) Ha ha 

I think we just got use to not going all the way... since I met him so young.. I would never have sex at 15. I really think he would have been the only man in the world to wait that long... so I knew I was marrying a real Gentleman who loved me for ME. It wasn't easy by any means...especially in the beginning, we both wanted nothing more than to go "all the way". I just felt it was wrong, I felt guilty about the stuff we did do (I was old fashioned minded and trying to be a Christian)....but that simply couldn't be helped, so we "rode the fence" so to speak - I'd call myself a tainted Virgin when I walked down the aisle...



> do you regret your decision which ever way it went?


 I don't reget any of the moves we made early in our relationship, my upbringing was rough...I found myself in a "pickle"... his family was "there" for me and if anything, my husband proved beyond a shadow of a doubt how much he loved me by sticking beside me the way he did...in my uncertainty & being so Honorable to my wishes. He would have married me as soon as I graduated, but it was ME who wasn't ready.... 

I feel it all fell into place very beautifully when it was "our time". On our very wedding morning even...we stood outside our little house & saw 3 Albino deers across the yard near the woods...it filled us with awe & felt it was a sign of pure blessing on our Marraige.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

SA, the albino deer is just simply amazing!

My husbands parents met at 15, they were neighbors and best friends. They married the day they turned 18 and are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary in a few days. Truly amazing that so many people meet so young and stay together a lifetime. 

I hope my daughter marries her boyfriend. They both are going into the military. He the Marines, her the National Guard.


----------



## lunalady (Aug 11, 2010)

I think that living together before marriage is generally a bad idea, but it turned out to be very good for me and my husband. He mentioned the idea of living together quite early in our relationship; I always said no, I want to get married first. But after a while I changed my mind. But I knew that he wanted to get married later, and I trusted him that he didn't think: Why buy the cow... We had quite a few problems at the beginning of our co-habitation - there were some things I didn't know about him and his past that were really important to me, so after he told me I needed some time to get over those issues and stop dwelling on the past. So when we got married, those issues were already resolved, and we had a much happier start into our marriage than it would have been otherwise. Also, back then when we dated, we lived quite far from each other so we didn't see each other often enough to talk about issues that were bothering us - we just wanted to be happy for the short while we spent together. 
I think it depends on the couple and the circumstances if living together is a good idea or not.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

No, we didn't live together. We could have if he had really wanted to. He hasn't lived with another woman other than family. He used to share an apt with some male friends but let's face it, that's just not the same. 

Neither one of us has regrets about not moving in together. I haven't given it much thought and I know he's the same way. We lived in the same city so we saw each other quite often enough, nearly daily, without having to share a place.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

we did, my MIL called me her sin-in-law


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> we did, my MIL called me her sin-in-law


LMAO!!! OMG, that is so funny! 

I have the best MIL in the world! My in laws are so very nice! They'd pry into our marriage. My mother is the one who is the opinionated one!


----------



## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

We lived together before we were married, we moved in during my pregnancy with our first and got married when he was 11 months old. We did things a little backwards


----------



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

We did. 

I come from a traditional family too, that felt it was 100% wrong to live together before marraige. They all but laid an egg when I did it. At the time, I had a bad roommate situation going on and needed another place to live, but could not afford to live by myself. We had been dating for a couple of years (part of it long distance) and both felt marraige was in our future, so we took the leap and did it.

We lived together about nine months - then I got pregnant. 

There was a period of time before I got pregnant that I started getting itchy, wondering IF he was going to man up and propose to me, and wondering if I made a mistake. Not a mistake being with him, but the whole "why buy the cow" that my mother always preached did play in the back of my mind a lot.

We got engaged immediately when we found out I was pregnant (hubby insists he had the ring and was going to pop the question within weeks BEFORE we knew I was pregnant, but I don't believe him, and this has always been a point of contention between us). We got married 8 weeks later.

So yea...I got a lot of "I told you so's" from my family because I got knocked up unexpectedly while living together (they insist I would not have fallen PG if we did not live together LOL) and that wasn't a happy time for me. 

We are still together though and happily married almost 4 years.


----------



## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

We did, but we were already engaged. I have teenagers so I wanted to "set a good example." lol It was only for about 6 months until we got married, though. 

Also, the nature of our jobs and our community are pretty conservative about that sort of thing.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> SA, the albino deer is just simply amazing!


 We've seen them in our yard before ....like when he was leaving for work in the am many times .... but this was the 1st time we saw them together .....and to have it happen on our very wedding morning .... Gracious, we were in "awe". 

Shortly after that time... we heard they were killed.  Most never see 1 in their lifetime (in the wild)-- for us to see 3 in that moment on that day... what are the chances. Unheard of.


----------



## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

As You Wish said:


> We did, but we were already engaged. I have teenagers so I wanted to "set a good example." lol It was only for about 6 months until we got married, though.
> 
> Also, the nature of our jobs and our community are pretty conservative about that sort of thing.


Same with us. We got engaged, her lease on an apartment was up (mine was a month to month), so since we were getting married in 7-8 months, we saw no reason not to move in together. No real issue in our marriage. 

Interestingly, her parents were fine with it, while mine had a much harder time. Apparently they did not tell my grandparents about it for the longest time. Oh well.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

We did.


----------



## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

My husband and I lived together after two months of dating. He moved in with my mother and myself. We had been married nearly two years when we got our own place. I wouldn't change a thing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MooseAndSquirrel (Jun 7, 2012)

My ex and I did not. Later discovered I was HD and she was LD. Eventually we divorced.


----------



## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

We lived together about a year, but were engaged first. Also included her youngest son (9 at the time). The older (11) was with his father. Got custody back, then did the ceremony thing.

Looking back, it think it would have been less expensive/trouble to just pay for the milk - I'm kidding. 17+ years and wouldn't trade any of it - well maybe a few days here or there.


----------



## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Only for one month and in hindsight that was a mistake. We should have lived with each other for much longer - enough to learn each other's habits and rituals. If we had, I hate to say it but I would not have married him.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My parents always told is not to move in with a potential husband/wife until after the marriage took place. "why buy the cow when the milk is free" sort of thing.
> 
> I always took her advice on that subject since I'm more "old school"/"old fashioned" even though I was young. My brother did not. He lived with a 2-3 women, the last one is his wife before tying the knot.
> 
> ...


I have had several live-together situations. My current husband and my last husband were both men I lived with beforehand. But I also found that living together is a good way to avoid marriage. My first husband used it to avoid marriage (though he did marry me eventually) and I also used it to avoid marriage when I suspected things wouldn't work, but valued the relationship enough to hang in. At the time, I was clueless on how to evaluate whether a relationship could be fixed or not, and tended to keep trying far longer than I should have.


----------



## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

we lived together, and had a baby...but then again, i didnt want to get married, sooo.

now, at this stage of the game, i would not live with someone--sex, hells yea..but not live together.

we were young, and thats what you do when you are young...ahhh young love, all the emotion, none of the vision of tomorrow.

i wouldnt change a thing about us...what did dr phil say....you couldnt pay me a million dollars to relive it...and i wouldnt sell it for a nickel.

but a different life, no i wouldnt do the live in, i would wait ti marriage. when i was younger, i thought it was the best way to get to know someone. turns out, my husband and i are still figuring it out.

you always think you talk about everything...but you cant, you cant talk about things that never happened, or you havent experienced yet.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I wouldn't marry someone without having lived with them, but then again, it's a very personal decision. As the comments here reflect, mileage varies.


----------

