# Strange or not



## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

I'm kind of interested in just hearing thoughts on an event without injecting any previous information so here is a hypothetical scenario:

You and your wife are sitting on a plane about to go away for the weekend without children. Literally about to taxi out to the runway and a married male coworker of your wife, whom you've never met, pops up with a text on her phone saying something to the effect of 'have a great trip'. This is at 7:45 on a Friday night and your wife didn't even work that day.

Odd? Perfectly normal behavior? Worthy of a raised eyebrow?

Just curious on the range of thought on something like this.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I haven't read any of your threads so this is out of context and may or may not apply to you. But given "only" the content of your single post on this thread I would say normal. She was probably excited about the weekend and telling her coworkers about it. He could tell she was excited and wished her well.

Now, if there's more back story my answer could easily change.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Redflagcity said:


> I'm kind of interested in just hearing thoughts on an event without injecting any previous information so here is a hypothetical scenario:
> 
> You and your wife are sitting on a plane about to go away for the weekend without children. Literally about to taxi out to the runway and a married male coworker of your wife, whom you've never met, pops up with a text on her phone saying something to the effect of 'have a great trip'. This is at 7:45 on a Friday night and your wife didn't even work that day.
> 
> ...


Monitor her texts while your away with her

Don't seem surprised and brush it off to her and soon as you get back do some checking

BUT it may be nothing...what's your gut saying ?


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

I don't know. Probably nothing but suggests a lot of sharing. More perplexed why a man feels it's ok to text a married woman like that but I'm also in the camp that is not a big texter.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Redflagcity said:


> I'm kind of interested in just hearing thoughts on an event without injecting any previous information so here is a hypothetical scenario:
> 
> You and your wife are sitting on a plane about to go away for the weekend without children. Literally about to taxi out to the runway and a married male coworker of your wife, whom you've never met, pops up with a text on her phone saying something to the effect of 'have a great trip'. This is at 7:45 on a Friday night and your wife didn't even work that day.
> 
> ...


Eh... not really a big deal. At all.

Seriously.

Unless, that is, there's more to the story...?


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

Ignore it (for her sake)
Investigate quietly for yours.

I would be curious about it and watch for any other signs of too close a relationship.

If she had loose boundaries before... drop a hammer on her.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Hmmmmm, if you're bringing it up on here your gut is telling you something. I'd be checking her deleted texts, phone log etc. if nothing else for peace of mind. I would not confront! It'll make it easier for you to get the phone info. Does she keep her phone close? Guard it? 

Hope it's nothing but


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Is this hypothetical as it didn't happen and you are just curious?

Or what?


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Appreciate all the responses. My problem with text is the room for misinterpretation. This could be totally innocent to absolutely devious and anything in between. I'm not providing my thoughts or bias because I'm truly interested in thoughts on if this should on its face be considered a non starter.

The body of the text was actually 'Bon Voyage' as well which just sounds more ****ish to me lol.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

You feel uncomfortable with it........end of

You wouldnt have posted otherwise


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I work on a team of four people. My team lead is female. The other three of us sit in close proximity to each other one row over from our team lead and, prior to a few weeks ago, my cube was directly adjacent to my team lead's. We see each other and talk w/ each other throughout the day every day. Additionally, all four of us meet for a 60-90 minute meeting once a week, and that's in addition to the larger 60-90 minute weekly team meeting that we have w/ our manager and other teams.

PTO/vacation is one of the most-often discussed items at each of these meetings. It starts off by discussing logistics, and mostly in order to ensure that coverage will be there, that on call rotations will be covered, etc, and then progresses from there... "You're off week after next? Cool... where are you going? Oh wow, that sounds awesome. Have a blast!" Additionally, it's not unusual that someone will send someone else a last-minute "Have fun! Stay safe! Take lots of pics!"-type text when we know that someone happens to be at the airport or getting ready to leave the house.

So, again, this in and of itself probably isn't a big deal.

That said, did you ever get any sort of answers w/ respect to the bruising that you happened to see on your wife?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Bruising...i love it when theres background and the OP gives no hint

Note to self
Check any other threads by OP


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

the timing (taxiing to runway) more than anything struck me as odd but that obviously could have been totally random. Gotta love text messaging...


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

I try not to steer these questions and get honest opinions is why I'm not providing additional details, beliefs, etc


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Obviously it's bothering you. Check it out. There are all sorts of info on how here.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Redflagcity said:


> I try not to steer these questions and get honest opinions is why I'm not providing additional details, beliefs, etc



Ehhh... the other details could be important. Asking someone for his or her opinion on each little thing by itself isn't likely to yield much, but everything taken together could very well paint a very different picture.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> I work on a team of four people. My team lead is female. The other three of us sit in close proximity to each other one row over from our team lead and, prior to a few weeks ago, my cube was directly adjacent to my team lead's. We see each other and talk w/ each other throughout the day every day. Additionally, all four of us meet for a 60-90 minute meeting once a week, and that's in addition to the larger 60-90 minute weekly team meeting that we have w/ our manager and other teams.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



My XW worked on steam such as this. 

Made it easy to get away with an A for 2-3 years before I began to question it. 

The questioning made her defensive. 

She divorced me over it. 

She was still dating him up to a couple of months ago. 

Oh yeah, caused OM to divorce his wife too. She knew way before I did. 

In retrospect, I would not have confronted but done more undercover snooping. 

In short, don't just sweep it under the rug.


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## Luxey (Jun 5, 2015)

Are her colleagues a sort of close-knit type office? If so, it's _probably _nothing. Even if it's nothing, she's oversharing, IMO.

I agree with the people urging you to snoop though.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
sounds normal to me.


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## Luxey (Jun 5, 2015)

Redflagcity said:


> I try not to steer these questions and get honest opinions is why I'm not providing additional details, beliefs, etc


I see. Well, the text itself seems fairly innocuous.

It's not like he called her a pet name, or said he'd miss her.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Perhaps you should find a way to measure his hands. >


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## destroyd (Feb 20, 2015)

I agree with most- it could be nothing. BUT- it could be something also. My wife worked in a close knit administrative office group. I trusted her completely, and overlooked things like what you are talking about- and like another poster wrote above, she was so far gone by the time I seriously started snooping that she really didnt give a **** anymore. She was leading two lives for around 8 months and I really had no clue- if anything, things between us were in general very smooth during her affair. We're trying to R, but its not looking good. If I were you, I'd snoop. Hard. If for nothing else than to get some piece of mind.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

The little bit of extra info of she got the text while the plane was taxiing down the runway makes me wonder a little more... Wonder if there is more.

It could be that the timing was a coincidence. But I think in the back of your mind(like in the back of mine), you have to wonder if there was back and forth texting going on, for him to know that the plane was about to take off.

It may be nothing, but keep your eye on her when she's using her phone. I.e., does she tend to turn so you can't see the screen sometimes? Does she take the phone to the bathroom with her?

Many BS's have written here that there WS actually slept with there phones.

Check her phone log. Are there a lot of calls to the same, unknown(to you) number? Are many of these calls when you're not around?


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Thanks for the input everyone. Mega defensiveness complete with crazy and paranoid sprinkled in when asked about it. Seems stupid to me to be defensive to the hilt if it's nothing. I like to see the range of opinions.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

So your gut is telling you something is amiss. I suggest you check phone records and the phone itself. If it is a work phone and all texts deleted then I could begin to come around to seeing this your way. Have there been other texts that are clearly about work? Does she normally get texts from this person outside normal business hours? Do you know or met this co-worker of hers? Is he married? Does he work in close proximity to her work area? Have you been suspicious of him before? Does she guard her phone? Are his texts the only ones deleted? Does she call him often? Have you seen her emails? Is the phone locked down and you don't know the password? Have you both spoken about him before and have you voiced these concerns to your wife? 

I'll stop here. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Redflagcity said:


> I'm kind of interested in just hearing thoughts on an event without injecting any previous information so here is a hypothetical scenario:
> 
> You and your wife are sitting on a plane about to go away for the weekend without children. Literally about to taxi out to the runway and a married male coworker of your wife, whom you've never met, pops up with a text on her phone saying something to the effect of 'have a great trip'. This is at 7:45 on a Friday night and your wife didn't even work that day.
> 
> ...


Raises my eyebrow. 

Why has he her cell number?

Why is he free to call her in the evening?

Why hasn't the husband be aware of this seemingly friendship?

Don't like it at all.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

If you yourself are asking this question, your gut is telling you something isnt right, keep quiet and observe/investigate.
Her response is excessive, something is off
Do men normally think of their colleagues on a Friday eve? hmmm


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> Raises my eyebrow.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Because we've all been brainwashed to think this behavior is perfectly acceptable. 

It's not the text itself though. 

His gut is telling him something is wrong - the text was just a trigger.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

This could be common office courtesy.

"I got everything under control, enjoy your trip,"

Maybe she left him a note saying, or calendar date notifying him that she will be out of town, so this is him acknowledging that he got the message, or is aware she is going to be unreachable for a few days.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I work with a pretty good sized team/group. A text like that would not be unusual at all. We work together a lot and often mention things about our personal life.

The way you presented it, it does not sound like a problem at all.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Redflagcity said:


> Thanks for the input everyone. Mega defensiveness complete with crazy and paranoid sprinkled in when asked about it. Seems stupid to me to be defensive to the hilt if it's nothing. I like to see the range of opinions.


Judging by your chosen handle, it would seem to be safe to assume that you're seeing a number of additional flags. If that's the case, why not list them here?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Normal.

What I would gauge her on is if she is "enthusiastic" on the vacation alone with you....


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

destroyd said:


> I agree with most- it could be nothing. BUT- it could be something also. My wife worked in a close knit administrative office group. I trusted her completely, and overlooked things like what you are talking about- and like another poster wrote above, she was so far gone by the time I seriously started snooping that she really didnt give a **** anymore. She was leading two lives for around 8 months and I really had no clue- if anything, things between us were in general very smooth during her affair. We're trying to R, but its not looking good. If I were you, I'd snoop. Hard. If for nothing else than to get some piece of mind.


I vaguely remember your story... did she ever end the affair? Did she get another job?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ceegee said:


> My XW worked on steam such as this.
> 
> Made it easy to get away with an A for 2-3 years before I began to question it.
> 
> ...


Ugh.

What sort of flags were you seeing throughout? Nothing at all up until the 2-3 year mark?


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Nothing until last 3 years of 15. 

Didn't say anything because I'm not the jealous type and don't want to be. 

Need to go to a work dinner? No problem. 

Need to take a call from a work colleague? No problem. 

Texting a coworker? No problem. 

Going to meet a girlfriend? No...Wait. My friend just said he saw you at a restaurant with that coworker. 

We got a problem.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> sounds normal to me.


Agreed

Evey time you post I think of this and hope you ask a mod to change your name to Mr. Alexander 

and a 100pts to the first person the name the guy carrying mr alexander most famous role


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> Normal.
> 
> What I would gauge her on is if she is "enthusiastic" on the vacation alone with you....


*Noted! An absence of vacation enthusiasm and alone time with you; greatly coupled with an inordinate amount of time in the need for personal seclusion adds up to yet another "red flag!"

Try to have fun but in so doing, always remember that the preeminent TAM motto is: "Trust your gut instincts!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Well at least you are not seeing hand prints where anymore.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

RFC

im pretty sure the text on vacation was not the first things.

trust your gut instinct in all of this.

did you feel that the behavior of your wife was changing recently.

-like frequency of sex.
-weekend dates with wife.
-her making dates important i.e. (anniversary,birthdays,valentines,mothers/fathers day)


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## knightRider (Dec 31, 2014)

I would want to know more about any man texting my wife outside of work. If you understand male psychology, you will know why.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Gotta admit this is really interesting with such a wide variety of responses.

I suppose my bottom line is that normal or not, it at least calls for a little due dilligence investigative work.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

OldWolf57 said:


> Well at least you are not seeing hand prints where anymore.


Oh is this hand print guy???

To answer the OP, could be completely normal if there'd been texts throughout the day like:

"Hey do you know where the Smith file is?"
"Hmmm, not sure, might be in the second drawer in my file cabinet?"
"Nope, I looked there. Not a big deal; it can wait until Monday."
"I won't be there on Monday; going away for a long weekend with my amazing husband!"
"Oh, ok then."....."Have a great trip."


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
What I would find most troubling is the fact that my wife is on the mind of a coworker at 7:45 on a Friday evening. If he has no life outside of work perhaps he is trying to change that by building one with her, if he does have a life outside of work then your wife seems to be a significant part of it


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Probably nothing.

But...the first thing I would do when I got back is to review her cell phone logs to see how often and what times of day that number shows up.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

FRANK? as I recall?


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

TAMAT said:


> FRANK? as I recall?


Frank was Mr Alexander's frist name, this is the guy I am asking about what was his most famous role. big hint (he did all the screen acting someone else did the voice acting)


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You are asking the equivalent of:
I see a car at the east entrance of the Lincoln Tunnel.
Is it going to San Francisco or New Jersey?

Eyes open. Mouth closed. You are shooting yourself in the foot.

Her annoyance at the question could mean they were at an orgy together with midgets, goats and a shemale.
Her annoyance at the question could mean you are paranoid and keep bugging her.
Or anything in between.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Red flag for years, called crazy, then as gripped hard enough to leave bruises and and a hand print.
RF, just leave it alone. you don't want to really know, so just leave it alone.
If you did, you would have answers by now.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Darth vadar ?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Want to know what I really think.
I think he has hit it so long, he gets bored and leaves you little tweeks for sht's and giggles.

there, I said it. I hope I'm wrong, but he wasn't letting her go without a little reminder.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Redflagcity said:


> I try not to steer these questions and get honest opinions is why I'm not providing additional details, beliefs, etc


That's like saying "When you're on a boat do you like to stay in the boat or go for a swim" and not letting us know the boat is sinking.

Having said that, I've worked with a lot of females (and guys) and NEVER got a text telling me to enjoy my vacation/weekend. Just saying...


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I have a different perspective. Having been a wayward spouse I don't think the text is indicative of anything. I say this because people in affairs go radio silence between each other when they are away with family. They tell their APs ahead of time they will be out of town and unavailable. Its basically a don't call me I'll call you type of scenario. If he really was her AP he would know when she could and could not communicate with him......not trying to get roasted here.....just sharing how a cheater would think in this scenario.....that's all.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Xenote said:


> Darth vadar ?












Dinner with vader try the wine www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyLXniF5kqU

Sorry for the t/j

t/j over


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

It's hard to know from just this text. A perfectly reasonable explanation is that she had been texting the coworker earlier about what work he needed to do while she was on vacation and he's closing that conversation.

We have an instant messaging system at work and this happens a lot. I'll be chatting with a coworker about a project and he or she tells me they will be out on vacation and may not be able to respond to emails. I'll wish them a good vacation. Nothing else to it.

Of course, there could be other meanings to it. Keep your eyes open, but don't necessarily think this text alone means more than it does.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Are you 100% sure this text came from a colleague? Check out the number not the name.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I see it a different way. The co-worker is actively injecting himself into the vacation. For what reason? When I go on vacation the "have a great time" chit chat with co-workers is done the moment before I walk out the door to start my vacation. There is no texting after that unless there is an issue that requires my input. Personally, if my W received a text while we are jetting down the runway at 150kts from a male co-worker I would be questing as well.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> I have a different perspective. Having been a wayward spouse I don't think the text is indicative of anything. I say this because people in affairs go radio silence between each other when they are away with family. They tell their APs ahead of time they will be out of town and unavailable. Its basically a don't call me I'll call you type of scenario. If he really was her AP he would know when she could and could not communicate with him......not trying to get roasted here.....just sharing how a cheater would think in this scenario.....that's all.


From many posts I have read concerning infidelity, wandering spouses have been know to text during vacations, anniversaries, kids birthday parties. The list goes on.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Go read his other thread.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> From many posts I have read concerning infidelity, wandering spouses have been know to text during vacations, anniversaries, kids birthday parties. The list goes on.


I probably should have expanded my original thought. I agree that communication does occur during vacations. But I wouldn't think it would occur unless it was during time a person had at least a few minutes away from their spouses direct view, and the person that would be initiating the communication would be the AP that was away, not the one that was left behind.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I probably should have expanded my original thought. I agree that communication does occur during vacations. But I wouldn't think it would occur unless it was during time a person had at least a few minutes away from their spouses direct view, and the person that would be initiating the communication would be the AP that was away, not the one that was left behind.


Considering the threads I've read and the two recent stories about people texting their lovers next to their SOs, some cheaters do not care.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I agree that communication does occur during vacations. But I wouldn't think it would occur unless it was during time a person had at least a few minutes away from their spouses direct view, and the person that would be initiating the communication would be the AP that was away, not the one that was left behind.


If they are careful, it would be the spouse on vacation sending the text when the coast is clear. Anybody texting their side squeeze with her husband sitting inches away while on a plane is not the smartest thing you can do. What idiot would do it only to arouse suspicion and make it harder to spend time together? (using texting to communicate is not smart anyway.)
Timing the text so its received while the plane is on the runway would be a real trick unless he watched her board the plane or possibly on the plane himself.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I read his other thread. 1+1=2. Definitely something amiss. Probably in denial.


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## tpdallas (Aug 28, 2015)

I don't understand why you didn't just ask your wife?

I can't be married to someone where I have to walk on eggshells. 

When a texts comes through, I'd say, "who texted us, babe?"


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> If they are careful, it would be the spouse on vacation sending the text when the coast is clear. Anybody texting their side squeeze with her husband sitting inches away while on a plane is not the smartest thing you can do. What idiot would do it only to arouse suspicion and make it harder to spend time together? (using texting to communicate is not smart anyway.)
> Timing the text so its received while the plane is on the runway would be a real trick unless he watched her board the plane or possibly on the plane himself.


My thoughts exactly.

That said, not every WS is exactly a pro when it comes to discretely communicating w/ his or her AP. Additionally, per @RFC's comments in his other thread, he's been seeing assorted flags for some time now but hasn't made any real waves, so -- if she is up to something -- she may have just gotten complacent.

Still waiting to hear back from RFC w/ respect to some of these other flags so that we don't have to continue doing this piecemeal...


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I would be suspicious. But then again I wouldn't want my wife texting male co-workers. I would think he's pursuing her and is trying to get in her head.

There is nothing wrong with doing some digging. Are there a lot of text between them? What is the content? And are there deleted text. Also someone asked about her mood on the vacation. Is she distant or is she into it and into it with you.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The key is the info in her phone. Recover the deleted texts.


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate opinions based in facts and as I suspected there would be mixed opinions on the significance of such a text without any other details.

Now let's say this happened in late June and a couple weeks ago you happen to see this text and you also had a way to see it on another device and also discover she deleted the message on her phone:

'Have to run home, no walky talky today'

This is in reference to lunchtime 'walks' their office supposedly takes. The text was to her only.

My take is, walky talky? WTF?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Redflagcity said:


> My take is, walky talky? WTF?


Maybe he's gay


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Lol. Kind of my thinking as well...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Walky talky would be a jocular reference to a nice long walk and a chat.

On a regular basis.

That’s another red flag, I think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Walky talky would be a jocular reference to a nice long walk and a chat.
> 
> On a regular basis.
> 
> ...


Honest question; How's that @$$ look compared to a year ago?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

gouge_away said:


> Honest question; How's that @$$ look compared to a year ago?


And it is likely an invention of your wife. She is awfully cosy with this chap...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

YEARS of red flags !!! Always defensive and angry when questioned, and question his sanity.

These two are arrogant after this long right in his face. This is not a WAW, this is side action for both.
He timed that text exactly to the T.
Question is, was it to tweek his nose, YES !!!

RFC should have read and followed the Standard Evidence Thread by now to have all the answers he want.
AGAIN, he don't want to REALLY know.

We've had 5 to 6 OP's come back in just the last year to say they wished they had acted sooner. I bet he has read those. 
He don't really want to know !!!

Now he throwing in the "walky talky at lunch. Ha, that's where she got the gripping print, bouncing at lunch, on a quick trip to the bathroom. 

There is just no way I could do this for years, but we've all seen those that close their eyes to keep from breaking up the family.

RFC, it's your family, and as long as you can live with it, more power to you.

Oh, if you don't know by now, I think criminally, so I ALWAYS look for the worst first, and it has served me well enough to keep me safe even from family members.
So I'm not here for sht's and giggles. I'm here to provide a view into low thinkers.
Again, Good luck and God Bless.


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## destroyd (Feb 20, 2015)

Agree with other. She's too close to this guy. That said, I'd get myself over there to discretely watch one of these 'walky talky' sessions asap. Workplace 'A's' are HELL to get hard proof on once you've tipped your hand that you are suspicious. They take it WAY underground. They disappear into a building where you cant follow without blowing your cover. The bathroom, locked offices, unused spaces, storage areas, mechanical areas, elevators- there's a hundred places they can lock the doors and get down to business. Seriously. I had no clue until they got so complacent that they were texting each other while we were driving down the road, on vacation, out to dinner. These texts done when I was around were not overt- just mundane stuff about work that if you saw them you wouldnt care, with maybe a few thrown in about where we were or what we were eating etc... The real 'money' texts happened while she sent me out to get coffee, while I was in the bathroom, doing something with the kids, mowing the lawn, or asleep and were deleted at once- leaving the mundane ones behind in case I got suspicious and looked at her phone. They were totally in a full blown affair and ****ing regularly in hotel rooms, his vehicle, & the offices at work behind locked doors.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Recover deleted texts
Recover deleted texts
Recover deleted texts
Recover deleted texts
Recover deleted texts
Recover deleted texts
Recover deleted texts
Recover deleted texts


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

time to bring out the big guns!

get var! get voice activated recorded put inside car.
(research best place in car to hide recorder).

recover the text's
key logger on your computer.

could people here post some of those spy software and hardware things.
like that device that can capture text.

again just keep it hush hush.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Just don't get like an old boy that used to live a couple of doors away; always looking for car tracks in his dirt drive way.


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

'Just don't get like an old boy that used to live a couple of doors away; always looking for car tracks in his dirt drive way.'

That's where I don't want to go regardless that I've been accused of being crazy and paranoid more times than I can count. Tough spot to be in.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Just follow the advice here, (Eastsouth summed it up) and audit her phone records. Put somebody on the lunch walks. If nothing shows up, drop it. Unless you have more than you're revealing, its nowhere near conclusive evidence she's got something going on the side.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Redflagcity said:


> 'Just don't get like an old boy that used to live a couple of doors away; always looking for car tracks in his dirt drive way.'
> 
> That's where I don't want to go regardless that I've been accused of being crazy and paranoid more times than I can count. Tough spot to be in.


No, it's not. 

You KNOW what you require in a relationship.

If your partner isn't providing it, or is crossing your boundaries, IT'S YOUR JOB to call them out on it.


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## destroyd (Feb 20, 2015)

Nowadays, my wife does not do that texting coworkers **** in my presence without me getting into her grits. I made her understand that if it was a legitimate 'work problem' that needed to be addressed when we were together then by all means, address it- but that I was going to make it my business to understand and monitor the communications. Surprize surprize- she's had maybe three things come up in 6 months where it used to be everytime we were out somewhere. 

If I had taken that attitude a year and a half ago, I probably could have prevented a lot of heartache.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ANYTHING you do with a person of the opposite sex THAT YOU WILL NOT SHARE WITH YOUR SPOUSE is cheating.

Period.


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

'Unless you have more than you're revealing, its nowhere near conclusive evidence she's got something going on the side.'

I agree. I'm really trying to not make correlations that are stretches. That text on the plane just screams at me though. It just seems off. I know personally I would feel dirty sending something like that to a married woman and that alone makes me very skeptical. Seriously thought about just sending my question about it to his wife but that's taking a big step into crazy husband land.


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Oh and regarding the bruises. Can't say for sure. Looks like a hand but also looks small for a hand. Not enough there to say for sure and being as 'crazy and paranoid' as I apparently am I'm trying to allow for the fact that I'm wrong. The grey area in all this is where I'm firmly standing unfortunately.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Redflagcity said:


> 'Unless you have more than you're revealing, its nowhere near conclusive evidence she's got something going on the side.'
> 
> I agree. I'm really trying to not make correlations that are stretches. That text on the plane just screams at me though. It just seems off. I know personally I would feel dirty sending something like that to a married woman and that alone makes me very skeptical. Seriously thought about just sending my question about it to his wife but that's taking a big step into crazy husband land.


That's your gut screaming. 

What else is she doing?
Guarding her phone? Password protected?
Do you have access to her FB account?
More /less sex recently?
Has she changed any? Taste in music, clothes, tv shows, appearance. 
Is there a person that she would bring up in conversation a lot, and now doesn't?(This is a red flag that is very often missed, it's not always the OM/OW, but someone that is "in the loop")
Has she had a fallen out with a close friend recently?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Redflagcity said:


> That text on the plane just screams at me though. It just seems off. I know personally I would feel dirty sending something like that to a married woman and that alone makes me very skeptical.


I'm not a fan of texting. Its too much work. However, I have personally wished both married and unmarried ladies bon voyage and the like without any ulterior motives. 
You're at a point where, for your own peace of mind, you need to do some prudent investigative work to determine where things really are. To clear your mind, its going to take more than opinions of others and speculation. The ver in the car and audit of the phone may be sufficient to determine where she stands.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What have you done to get to the bottom of this?

Her reaction is another red flag.

Making you feel paranoid and crazy is called gas lighting, google it. She should have smiled and and explained everything respectfully. Humongus red flag.

Walky talkies, seemingly on a regular basis. Huge redflag.

Bruises? Enough red flags to get a PI.

How has your sexlife changed in the last few years?

Does she go out without you?

Has she bought underwear she doesn't wear around you?

Have you checked her phone records and matched up phone numbers and real names? Have you put a var in her car? Have you keylogged her computer?

You have way more red flags than most that come here yet you simply sit back and try to mentally unravel what's going on. Use your backbone for the purpose it was given to you.

Your marriage is in the tubes now whether or not anything is going on. Get the information you need to find the truth no matter which way it goes.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

RFC

Have you ever met this guy? Maybe at a company picnic or other event? Does your wife delete only his texts? Would your wife be ok with you going for walky talky with a female from your work? 

You aren't crazy, I know because I've been there. My wife had a six month EA/PA with her coworker. Never could find that smoking gun, but I would have loved to have seen her get a text. That would have been my smoking gun. Because its a workplace affair they talk all day without being discovered. You can't monitor anything being said or done together. 

You need to either be silent and investigate, or blow it up in one lunch meeting in my opinion. PM me and I'll explain this, but I would need the whole story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The phone info is the key. Texts deleted or not is the answer. 

Better than living in limbo land.

Unless you really don't want to know. Longterm I doubt you'll be able to live with that.

Does she Guard her phone? If she does then you probably have the answer. Just not the details


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

drifting on said:


> RFC
> 
> Have you ever met this guy? Maybe at a company picnic or other event? Does your wife delete only his texts? Would your wife be ok with you going for walky talky with a female from your work?
> 
> ...


Oh so true


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## Redflagcity (Jul 26, 2015)

Everyone's comments are appreciated and helpful. I see a lot of people jumping to conclusions but I'm not gonna do that. It seems off to me in some way but I'm a rational person and have to allow for the possibility that it's not sinister. The defensiveness on her part is what bothers me the most but I also believes she has some issues in the communication dept. that go back to her childhood (I'm not at all clear on the details but I know something happened when she was young).

That's why I'm here and why I'm trying to not urge the opinions in one way or another. 

For the bruise fans, let's just say it's not possible to say what may have caused it. She does bruise very easily and I choose to err on the side of caution in the absence of irrefutable proof. That's the paranoid and crazy in me talking... 

I am growing tired of all of it however.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IDK, if I were in your position, I would have gotten the real answer by now by hiring a PI for the next 2 or 3 weeks to get the truth.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Glad i read all the posts before responding.

It would seem that over a period of time you have had enough red flags to warrant a proper 007 investigation. 

I get the feeling however that deep down you dont want to confront this and are looking to rugsweep this issue.

My advice to you would be keep quiet, play dumb husband, VAR her CAR, and GPS it. 

Should have your answers quick smart.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Look, nothing we say is going to do you any good unless you TRULY wants answers.

YOU said, red flags for years. OK, we get that, but see, you are also making excuses for her.
We understand it's not easy to do as we recommend, hell, it may tear your family apart. Then again, it just may be as you say of her communication and response for past hurts.
The thing is, you're here because your gut sent you here.
So, if it fear, fog or a combo, only you can handle this.

I wish you the best outcome and hope I'm wrong.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It's not good living in the dark.

Man up and do what you need to figure it out.

Unless you don't mind living like this.

No one is going to do it for you.


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## hospitality (Feb 24, 2014)

How do you know she even works with this guy. He could just be someone who works in the same building etc. A friend's husband about two years ago received a text saying "wakey wakey eggs and bakey" that his wife noticed and he just said it was a person from work who loved Dr Seuss and that she was exited to get going on their presentation that day. Fast forward, that woman only worked in the same tower and he had met at a cafe on the first floor. They are now divorced because the relationship had been going on for nearly two years and husband left my friend for OW. I remember hearing about the wakey wakey text two years ago and thought normal working adults don't talk to each other like that unless something else is going on.

I don't get why people are so afraid to get the truth? When I thought my wife was having an affair with someone from work I did everything possible to try and get the truth as quickly as possible. I found nothing and maybe the fact that she thought I was on to her she may have even blow it up on her own. Remember a lot of people have affairs with people they don't see themselves with outside of the affair so when confronted or facing the reality that your spouse may be closing in sometimes give reason to end it. 

Also, as others have pointed out do not tip her off at all if it is in fact a guy from work as others have pointed out that work affairs are nearly impossible to blow up if they take them underground. A friend of mine works at a hospital and has slept with dozens of married women at the hospital and they have NEVER even left the hospital campus. Get the facts!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It's OK to be afraid of knowing. I think we all understand the dread you are feeling. We also know how common it is to reframe the comfort of denial as 'waiting to have the facts.'

I've read your other posts and it seems clear that you really don't want to keep your head in the sand, but are fearful of having the suspicion of cheating become your proven reality.

You are in limbo now with what you suspect but won't confirm or disprove. Limbo is h3ll for most people. It really drives you nuts. You basically don't need your W to gaslight you, since you do a good job of it yourself.

I think you should make a clean decision to do the investigating you need to do to find out one way or the other.

For me, even without all of your other red flags, the text on the plane would have at least put me on quiet alert.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Redflagcity said:


> 'Unless you have more than you're revealing, its nowhere near conclusive evidence she's got something going on the side.'
> 
> I agree. I'm really trying to not make correlations that are stretches. That text on the plane just screams at me though. It just seems off. I know personally I would feel dirty sending something like that to a married woman and that alone makes me very skeptical. Seriously thought about just sending my question about it to his wife but that's taking a big step into crazy husband land.


Here is the thing sir, the coworker is thinking about your W and actively interjecting himself into the vacation with a text as your W and you are on the plane. From my experience in the working world the bon voyage happens at the office as one leave to begin the vacation. Not day dreaming about said coworker the day after and sending a text.


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