# Is it over?



## Not Happy (Sep 2, 2009)

This saturday my husband and i will be married for 6 years. This is the second marriage for both of us. We both have a child from the first marriage but none together. Here is where my question "Is it over?" comes into play. We go days without speaking, I cant remember the last time he kissed me or said I love you. When we do speak its on a have to basis, i've tried to talk to him however, when i do he says he doesnt have anything to say. He use to be my best friend, i could tell him everything and anything, now it seems as though he would rather tell me how much weight i've gained or that i didnt fold the clothes the way he would. I know these things sound petty but he's now saying these things to my 10yr old daughter. He is constantly pointing out her faults and never says anything when his daughter does anything wrong. I'm not sure what to do to fix my marriage.... He will not go to counseling and when i say anything about fixing things he turns everything around on me that its all me that has the problem. I am very close to his family, his mother and i work in the same place with our offices less than 10 feet from each other. If its over how do i handle what comes next ??? Any advice is welcomed!!!


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## Blaze (Sep 16, 2009)

Hi,

I don't have a lot of advice, but one thing I must mention is to not discuss your marriage situation with his family. Quite frankly it's none of their business - this is between you and your husband. You and he may come to forgive one another and happily continue your lives together, but trust me when I say those outside your marriage whom you may confide in, won't be so quick to forgive and forget. It's happened to me and took nearly 8 years to get things back on track with hubby's family. What a mess.

In the meantime, good luck to you both. Sounds like he's upset/angry about something and is harboring resentment. Need to get to the bottom of it.

Blaze


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

The blame game! always starts this way, you both need to agree youbothhave faults an ddifferent points of view and accept each other for who you are. I think this will help wit the resentment. 

Regarding comments he is making to your 10 year old daughter. that needs to stop immediately. This is your daughter he is talking about....Not Cool, I don't like a lot of things about my wife's daughter but I would never say anything to her...that is disrespectful to the kid and the bio parent.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Not much to add other than...if you want to change anything you need to take the first step.

Start some counseling for yourself. Ask him what he wants out of the marriage? What do you have to lose? If he wants a better marriage. Ask how "we" can achieve this? If he doesn't.....you need to decide what you are willing to take.


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Harvard said:


> The blame game! always starts this way, you both need to agree youbothhave faults an ddifferent points of view and accept each other for who you are. I think this will help wit the resentment.
> 
> Regarding comments he is making to your 10 year old daughter. that needs to stop immediately. This is your daughter he is talking about....Not Cool, I don't like a lot of things about my wife's daughter but I would never say anything to her...that is disrespectful to the kid and the bio parent.


Yeh what Harvard said.

I get the feeling that when he gets sick of something he just switches off. 

I can say for one that if I end up divorced I will NEVER EVER get married again. Not even if it was to marry Demi Moore, now theres a classic example of someone who gets sick of something and moves on in life.

SOunds like he is just totally disrespectful if you ask me.


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## koala49 (Jul 21, 2009)

This sounds a lot like my marriage, we hardly ever speak and if I make a suggestion about something to do in the house its a stupid idea. We just pass each other every day like we share a house and thats all. I think we both know its really over but neither of us are prepared to make the move. Its as if its just too much hassle to take the step to seperate. I am not the least interested in meeting anyone else, this is my third marriage and thats it for me even if this one ends, so I guess I am just putting of what is inevitable in the future


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

Statistics say, second time around marriage has a greater chance to fail than the first time.

I would say, it is because people give up quicker because they recognize patterns in their marriage that are left over from their first.

Or they just don't want to try

Giving up is easier

Getting out is easier, sort of like a simple break-up rather than a marriage, because they treat it as "I'll try" rather than "I'll commit"

No real love, 

just friendship or we get along good, 

or its convenient

I feel for you

I'm never getting married again, well maybe not any time soon


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

What does he say your problem is, exactly?


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