# pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture



## Tillaan (Nov 24, 2016)

Decided to post this in a new thread because it could be a useful discussion relevant to many people.

What are your thoughts on purchasing new items for the home before the divorce. Things like kitchen tools, utensils, a bed, stuff you know you are going to need when you actually move out. Do you consider this wrong because you are using essentially marital money to make the purchase?

In my situation our finances are basically split but not legally split as in we have different bank accounts now. So all bank balances are marital property (community property state) but her bank balance I can't touch because it was funded by student loans that I do not want anything to do with. She will get half of what's in my bank when we actually go through with the D.

Considering how things went last time I split up with my wife I am thinking ahead this time. Last time I slept on a leaky air mattress for 3 weeks before I had a bed. I only had a few items in the kitchen to cook with as she took everything including half the money yet left me with the rental house and the big bills.

This time I am considering buying utensils, a pots/pans set, kitchen necessities, maybe a futon and keeping it all in the garage so I am ready for what's coming. What are your thoughts? I have 6 months before someone actually moves out of the house.


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## prunus (Oct 29, 2016)

I don't see anything wrong with that. I would make sure your wife is on board with you doing that. I would have been completely supportive of my STBXH doing that. But, he went home to Daddy instead of getting his own place.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I wouldn't buy anything this early. If you don't know who will be moving out or who is taking what, you don't know what you'll need in terms of household items and furniture sizes.

When I left my exH, all I took were my personal belongings, my kids toys, and my kids beds. I bought everything else once I had a lease signed and knew exactly how much space I'd have for household item storage and what room sizes I was working with.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

What does your state law say about this?

I would toe the legal line as close as possible, if it allows you to then do it, but the law may be sure to take the 50% cut of anything you buy in the end for your partner.

I'd rather be able to give her her share of money outright than owe her her share of the money.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What does your lawyer say?


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## Tillaan (Nov 24, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> What does your state law say about this?
> 
> I would toe the legal line as close as possible, if it allows you to then do it, but the law may be sure to take the 50% cut of anything you buy in the end for your partner.
> 
> I'd rather be able to give her her share of money outright than owe her her share of the money.


no matter who moves out the bed is hers. She had it before we got together and we have since gotten rid of my bed.

When looking at the assets we have I'd be willing to make the bet she takes the kitchen stuff regardless of who moves out. Last time she moved out cleaning out the kitchen, taking half the bank account too, and on top of that had a stash of cash saved up that she conveniently didn't split.

Last time we split I had just enough money in the bank to make the bills that were due and no money to buy new things to put in a now empty house. I don't want to go through that again.

I'm not plotting to buy $200 silverware or anything but to have a small walmart set of silverware, some cheapo kitchen items to cook with, and a mattress or futon with some bedding. I'll ask someone I know about the legal aspect of this idea. I was just wondering if anyone else here did this or if anyone has done this and had it bite them in the butt.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I think you should go ahead and gt the items, you do already have separate finances after all.

I had a friend who did this, and he got a storage that he put things in. He still may sure and pay his part of everything until the divorce, he was better off getting him a few things since in the end she took it all anyway.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

probably smart to do at least some shopping now. You have time to look for bargains on things you are positive you will need.

I know people who have bought new bedroom furniture and moved into a spare room. Then when they move out, at least that much is covered. (obviously this only works if you have a spare room)


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I bought a number of things before the divorce with my own money. I felt that would help me prepare for life without him and it did.


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## Tillaan (Nov 24, 2016)

Yeah our money is split up. I pay for everything though she doesn't work, full time student 6 months to go until she is working and we can be done.

I'm going to start buying the stuff and just pile it up on an empty shelf on the garage so I'm ready to go. I don't particularly want any of our stuff. It's poorly taken care of as she delegates all work to her daughter (my step daughter) and it's nothing but reminders of this.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Tillaan said:


> no matter who moves out the bed is hers. She had it before we got together and we have since gotten rid of my bed.
> 
> When looking at the assets we have I'd be willing to make the bet she takes the kitchen stuff regardless of who moves out. Last time she moved out cleaning out the kitchen, taking half the bank account too, and on top of that had a stash of cash saved up that she conveniently didn't split.
> 
> ...


Divorced twice in my early days of military... really didn't care about taking anything I didn't come with.

I'd track it just to make sure the courts see you as diligent.

My first wife spent me into near bankruptcy... the court saw I sold everything I had of any value and in the decree stuck her with the balance of debt because I had a ledger of every transaction that my lawyer submitted for action... and my second marriage I dumpster'd everything we had (infidelity on her part).

One doesn't really need much up front... state by state is the rule though.


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## Tillaan (Nov 24, 2016)

Yeah I'll track what I buy. I doubt I'll cross the $500 mark.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I wouldn't buy anything too nice, and I'd probably keep whatever I did buy in storage (except, of course, for anything you need to buy as a result of the in-house separation).


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

How well are you able to discuss and compromise with your STBX? After I filed we were civil so I just asked what she wanted to take at that time and what she needed me to temporarily store in my house, then I helped her move her crap out of my place. Do you think your STBX is going to be easy to deal with or a challenge, because there are different ways to deal with things depending on how you think she'll act. 

Also, if you start buying things and it's after you filed for D, she will likely say that you used your share of the assets instead of the communal assets for those purchases.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I bought a condo and furnished it. That was fair as she kept the house and existing furnishings, except for a few items. Those came from joint assets, so mine should, too. We did discuss all this - I didn't act behind her back. Just as well I bought all that I did, when I did, as the divorce took forever; I bought and lived in three different homes (four, if you count the RV I lived in full time while traveling for work) during the time it took to actually divorce.


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## Tillaan (Nov 24, 2016)

Bananapeel said:


> How well are you able to discuss and compromise with your STBX? After I filed we were civil so I just asked what she wanted to take at that time and what she needed me to temporarily store in my house, then I helped her move her crap out of my place. Do you think your STBX is going to be easy to deal with or a challenge, because there are different ways to deal with things depending on how you think she'll act.
> 
> 
> 
> Also, if you start buying things and it's after you filed for D, she will likely say that you used your share of the assets instead of the communal assets for those purchases.




We could discuss everything just fine. I onlyndont because I intend to ask for spousal support, not getting into that in this thread but she will stop being so easy to work with when we get to that topic.

I'm going to buy a used kitchen table today possibly from a co worker. Small and cheap will put in the garage. I'm not looking for nice stuff just great deals and with 6 months until the actual split I should be able to find great deals on everything. I'm not going to go to the store and buy an entire new kitchen. I'm just after used furniture so I have the time to search it out. Next up is a bed though as she is going to move ours to another room.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

We have enough furniture and household items to stock two decent sized houses .


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## Tillaan (Nov 24, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> I wouldn't buy anything too nice, and I'd probably keep whatever I did buy in storage (except, of course, for anything you need to buy as a result of the in-house separation).




Gus what are your thoughts on buying a mattress. I am considering two options.

1) buy a mattress for the master bedroom I woukd actually want. This is the more expensive option and it will have to go on a credit card.

2) buy a twin mattress that I will need when we actually have separate houses for my son and just use it for me until then. This also would be going on a credit card but is much cheaper. In the end I buy the big mattress by summer this route anyway.

I was going to consult the attorney but she's moving her bed today and that appointment isn't until the 5th.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Tillaan said:


> Gus what are your thoughts on buying a mattress. I am considering two options.
> 
> 1) buy a mattress for the master bedroom I woukd actually want. This is the more expensive option and it will have to go on a credit card.
> 
> ...


Buy a nice air mattress.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@Tillaan, 

As I understand it, she is removing the bed from the "master bedroom" and moving it to another bedroom, and thus you'd have nothing to sleep on in the master bedroom, right? Why not get something like a futon? That way, you'd have something sleep on now, and when you move, you'd have a couch or "guest bed" or bed for your son (depending on how you feel like using the futon). 

I think it's reasonable for you to have some sort of bed for the next 6 months, and regarding division of assets, if you paid for it from your funds and there's a "she took this bed I took that bed" kind of split, I think that is reasonable. In the end the judge just wants both parties to basically have half of everything.


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## Tillaan (Nov 24, 2016)

I've got the boys beds covered I have a bunkbed that is mine from pre-marriage. It's only short one twin mattress right now as the baby sleeps in one of those toddler beds currently.

I just looked around online I can grab a twin mattress for like $120 and throw that on the floor.


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