# I feel like a married single parent.



## liifeiisabeach

DH and I have been married for 3 years, together for 5. I'm 29 he's 38. Together we have 2 kids (3 year old boy, 6 month old girl) and we have his 15 year old daughter from a previous marriage living with us full time. Oh, and 2 dogs. 

This is a glimpse into a typical day for him:
Wake up.
Get Ready. 
Go to work.
Get home from Work.
Sit on couch.
Watch TV.
Play on phone.
Go to bed.
(repeat) 

FOr me:
Wake up.
Get the kids ready.
Get me ready.
Drop kids off.
Go to work.
Pick kids up.
Go home from work.
Make Dinner.
Clean up after dinner.
Any cleaning that needs to be done.
Get the kids bathed.
Get the kids read to.
Get the kids to bed.
Make his lunch.
Make my lunch.
Shower.
Go to bed.
(repeat)

I am getting very resentful and I'm ready to say screw it. If I'm going to be treated like a single mom, I'm going to be a single mom. I hate that I have to pick up after 2 grown humans. To the point to where DH took DS's underwear off and they had skid marks so he had DS put on a pull up and he left the damn underwear on the floor !! He leaves his work shirts on the floor in the living room. How can i get a grown man to start picking up after himself? I love having a clean house. But I can't keep it clean. I have asked DH before to start helping me out and his response was "So you want a slave" UGH. No, But I'm sick of you treating me like one. Any ideas? i'm about to lose my mind. On top of not getting a full nights sleep, ever, because of my 6 month old that I'm still breastfeeding.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Have you talked to him? I mean really explained how you feel. 

Ages of kids and how old are you both?

Thanks.


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## liifeiisabeach

I have that at the top. I'm 29, he's 38. Kids are 15, 3, 6 months. 

I have talked to him, it's like it doesn't matter. I feel there's nothing I can do to make him get off his ass. He's just so lazy. Unless he can directly benefit from an activity, he won't do anything.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Sorry, my screen isn't loading correctly.

What have your conversations been like? Also, what type of work does he do? Not blaming you, just want to get the tone of the conversations. Oh and the slave comment was blatantly stupid.


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## Rowan

It seems you've posted about your husband's penchant for immaturity before. In fact, you started a thread about it last year. One in which you indicated that he didn't seem to see a problem with you supporting him and doing everything while he slacked off.

Is he working full-time now? Paying his share of the bills? Helping with the children? Contributing to a healthy, mature, adult relationship? Or is he the same man-child you were raising last year?

Honestly, it might just be time to realize that you married a man who wants to remain forever in a sort of suspended adolescence where you raise him (and his children) while he sulks and rebels. You cannot change him. You can make him less comfortable and change yourself so you're less overwhelmed. I recommend that you stop doing for him things which he is capable of doing for himself. Stop washing his clothes, making his lunch, picking up after him. Do what you need to do for yourself and your children - as you would if you were actually single. When he complains, explain again that you've asked for help and he wasn't willing, so you had to let some responsibilities go. Since he's an adult and your children are not, you decided to let go of things he can and should be doing for himself. He'll either figure out how to wash his own clothes and take care of himself, or he will not. If it's the former, things get better for you. If it's the latter, things get clearer for you and you will have a better handle on your life so you can make better decisions about your future.


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## EnjoliWoman

Yup, that. ^

When he says something along the lines about being a slave, I suggest your retort with "Well, dear, I'm not yours, either. I'm taking care of my own stuff AND the kids', so you need to take care of yours." And BTW, I would take this time to assign chores to the kids, too. The 15y/o can do laundry and pitch in cleaning up after dinner. The 3y/o can pick up his/her toys and put dirty clothes in the hamper, learn to fold towels, etc. I found this was a great age for wanting to help, so cultivate it now.


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## liifeiisabeach

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Sorry, my screen isn't loading correctly.
> 
> What have your conversations been like? Also, what type of work does he do? Not blaming you, just want to get the tone of the conversations. Oh and the slave comment was blatantly stupid.



Conversations usually start when I've hit my boiling point. I try not to yell or get angry, but I share with him how I'm feeling like I do everything. Then he'll come back and say it's because I'm awesome or some other compliment. 
He is a driver. He delivers material for an electrical distributor.


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## liifeiisabeach

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Sorry, my screen isn't loading correctly.
> 
> What have your conversations been like? Also, what type of work does he do? Not blaming you, just want to get the tone of the conversations. Oh and the slave comment was blatantly stupid.





Rowan said:


> It seems you've posted about your husband's penchant for immaturity before. In fact, you started a thread about it last year. One in which you indicated that he didn't seem to see a problem with you supporting him and doing everything while he slacked off.
> 
> Is he working full-time now? Paying his share of the bills? Helping with the children? Contributing to a healthy, mature, adult relationship? Or is he the same man-child you were raising last year?
> 
> Honestly, it might just be time to realize that you married a man who wants to remain forever in a sort of suspended adolescence where you raise him (and his children) while he sulks and rebels. You cannot change him. You can make him less comfortable and change yourself so you're less overwhelmed. I recommend that you stop doing for him things which he is capable of doing for himself. Stop washing his clothes, making his lunch, picking up after him. Do what you need to do for yourself and your children - as you would if you were actually single. When he complains, explain again that you've asked for help and he wasn't willing, so you had to let some responsibilities go. Since he's an adult and your children are not, you decided to let go of things he can and should be doing for himself. He'll either figure out how to wash his own clothes and take care of himself, or he will not. If it's the former, things get better for you. If it's the latter, things get clearer for you and you will have a better handle on your life so you can make better decisions about your future.



I didn't even go back and read my previous posts. I don't wash his clothes, he does that. It drives me nuts when he doesn't pick up after himself so I end up doing it because I don't want my house to be a mess. 

He is working full time, he drives a truck and delivers material. He pays the rent and phone bill. I pay for the rest of the bills, just works easier for us. He is never one to be shy with his money, or stingy. 

In 3 years he has given our son MAYBE 15 baths. Last night our son needed one and he wanted to have the 15 year old do it, while he sat on the couch and watched the football game. His mentality is, "if I don't want to do it, I'm not going to" He is literally NO help with our 6 month old daughter. It's like she only has one parent. He loves hanging out with our son, until he gets annoyed then he's back on the couch. 

He's a very positive person, he's almost always in a good mood. He loves me, he loves our kids. He's just not willing to go above and beyond. He's ok with leaving everything up to me and on my shoulders.


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## liifeiisabeach

EnjoliWoman said:


> Yup, that. ^
> 
> When he says something along the lines about being a slave, I suggest your retort with "Well, dear, I'm not yours, either. I'm taking care of my own stuff AND the kids', so you need to take care of yours." And BTW, I would take this time to assign chores to the kids, too. The 15y/o can do laundry and pitch in cleaning up after dinner. The 3y/o can pick up his/her toys and put dirty clothes in the hamper, learn to fold towels, etc. I found this was a great age for wanting to help, so cultivate it now.


The 15 y/o does her own laundry. We were having her do the dishes, but they were never done correctly. Food left on them, put away wrong. Maybe I need to let go of that and have her wash them. We do have our son pick up his toys and I will tell him to put his clothes in the hamper, but when I'm busy DH is ok with DS's clothes being in the middle of the floor.


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## norajane

Maybe you could suggest getting a maid to clean once a week. If he won't do it, and it's too much for you (which it should be - it's his house, too), then suggest it. He may think that's drastic, but you are a mom to a 6 month old baby and a toddler.

Sounds like he wants a traditional marriage where the SAHM does everything and he does nothing but work, except he also wants you to hold down a job, too, and do everything at home and with the kids, while he works and does nothing else. Is this what you two agreed on before you married? 

If not, you need to tell him that your marriage is in trouble and he's being a bad father to his young children by not being involved with them. Suggest marriage counseling, so he understands that you are at the end of your rope and something needs to change, starting with counseling since he doesn't seem to understand what you are saying to him when you ask him to do his share around the house and with the children.


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## Lloyd Dobler

liifeiisabeach said:


> The 15 y/o does her own laundry. *We were having her do the dishes, but they were never done correctly. Food left on them, put away wrong.* Maybe I need to let go of that and have her wash them. We do have our son pick up his toys and I will tell him to put his clothes in the hamper, but when I'm busy DH is ok with DS's clothes being in the middle of the floor.


Paper plates. One less thing you'll have to worry about...


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## norajane

liifeiisabeach said:


> The 15 y/o does her own laundry. We were having her do the dishes, but they were never done correctly. Food left on them, put away wrong. Maybe I need to let go of that and have her wash them. We do have our son pick up his toys and I will tell him to put his clothes in the hamper, but when I'm busy DH is ok with DS's clothes being in the middle of the floor.


Why is she incapable of learning how to do dishes? If she does them wrong, then tell her to do them again until they are actually clean. She'll soon learn to do them right the first time. If she puts them away wrong, make her come back and put things in the right place until she learns where the right place is and does it right the first time. Unless she has some major learning disability, she can learn to do the dishes correctly.

Some people will do chores "wrong" just to get out of being asked to do them anymore. You played right into her plan.


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## liifeiisabeach

norajane said:


> Why is she incapable of learning how to do dishes? If she does them wrong, then tell her to do them again until they are actually clean. She'll soon learn to do them right the first time. If she puts them away wrong, make her come back and put things in the right place until she learns where the right place is and does it right the first time. Unless she has some major learning disability, she can learn to do the dishes correctly.
> 
> Some people will do chores "wrong" just to get out of being asked to do them anymore. You played right into her plan.


I totally did. I will be calling a house meeting after work today and present her with her new chore. I guess I've been just doing everything to prevent the fight, prevent the tension, and prevent the attitude.


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## liifeiisabeach

And I'm not trying to sit here bashing my husband. I love this man. He is my best friend. Besides being lazy he really is a good person. I need ways to present these issues to him and my step daughter to have them understand where I'm coming from and help out.


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## norajane

liifeiisabeach said:


> I totally did. I will be calling a house meeting after work today and present her with her new chore. I guess I've been just doing everything to prevent the fight, prevent the tension, and prevent the attitude.


The fact is that you RUN this household. Your H does not - he doesn't even participate. Your daughter is well on her way to emulating her dad.

You run the place, so take control. Tell them there's a new sheriff in town, and this sheriff will not tolerate being treated like their own personal maid. If the dishes remain unwashed, oops, sorry, can't make dinner, you'll have to fend for yourselves. If H won't bathe his 6 month old child, then, ooops, you have no time to make lunch for him, he'll have to do that himself. If H or daughter won't pick up some groceries on the way home, oops, sorry, there isn't milk for breakfast tomorrow, you'll have to do without (instead of you running to the store at the last minute).

Figure out what you need them to do, make a chore list/chart and stick it on the fridge, and stick to it. Don't do anything for H or daughter that is on his chore list, and make sure there are consequences if they don't do them (sorry, no, I can't drive you to your soccer game because I'm too busy cleaning up the mess you made in the living room. If you clean it up yourself, I might have time to drive - stuff like that).


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## liifeiisabeach

norajane said:


> The fact is that you RUN this household. Your H does not - he doesn't even participate. Your daughter is well on her way to emulating her dad.
> 
> You run the place, so take control. Tell them there's a new sheriff in town, and this sheriff will not tolerate being treated like their own personal maid. If the dishes remain unwashed, oops, sorry, can't make dinner, you'll have to fend for yourselves. If H won't bathe his 6 month old child, then, ooops, you have no time to make lunch for him, he'll have to do that himself. If H or daughter won't pick up some groceries on the way home, oops, sorry, there isn't milk for breakfast tomorrow, you'll have to do without (instead of you running to the store at the last minute).
> 
> Figure out what you need them to do, make a chore list/chart and stick it on the fridge, and stick to it. Don't do anything for H or daughter that is on his chore list, and make sure there are consequences if they don't do them (sorry, no, I can't drive you to your soccer game because I'm too busy cleaning up the mess you made in the living room. If you clean it up yourself, I might have time to drive - stuff like that).


This is great advice. I'm just too effing nice and I'm really a pushover. I'd rather save the fight. But at the same time I'm not doing myself or my babies an favors by running myself to the ground.
DH bathe the 6 month old. HAHAHA. I WISH!!! He has spent maybe 5 hours with her. MAYBE. His reasoning is "I don't like the baby phase" Well you know what, I don't like the grown man child phase. It took both of us to make these kids damnit. Ugh I'm so frustrated. He is taking advantage of my niceness.


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## vkolick

It sounds like you have a great relationship besides the fact that you are feeling overwhelmed because of his lack of help around the house. I know that every relationship is different and different people handle things in different ways, but if I were you, this is what I would do: 

1. Have a conversation with him when you are in a good place, not when you are mad or angry. Start with letting him know how much you appreciate him (Blank) (eg. as a father, the way he loves you, his humor, how he helped with the kids yesterday - anything). Then let him know that you are feeling really overwhelmed and feel like you are at a breaking point will help (do not point fingers here). Let him know you are struggling with the way your day is going and you would really love his help with 1 or 2 things (laundry, trash, getting kids bathed, etc.). Ask him to help you out so you can be in a better mood and have more fun with him, or have time to watch the game with him. Put a plan into action - if he agrees to do the laundry stop doing it until he does. Same with his lunch. 

2. Most men like to create a solution, so see if he can come up with a solution to the problem and work through it like adults. 

3. I'm a big proponent of the fact that you cannot change others - so if option 1 and 2 don't work - let yourself off the hook for some things. Try to figure out new habits or ways of doing things that make your day better and more simple. I like a clean house too, but sometimes, I have to let it go for a day or two - so I can relax and enjoy myself. With kids it gets messed up as soon as you clean it anyways! : )

Valerie Kolick


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## norajane

liifeiisabeach said:


> This is great advice. I'm just too effing nice and I'm really a pushover. I'd rather save the fight. But at the same time I'm not doing myself or my babies an favors by running myself to the ground.
> DH bathe the 6 month old. HAHAHA. I WISH!!! He has spent maybe 5 hours with her. MAYBE. His reasoning is "I don't like the baby phase" Well you know what, I don't like the grown man child phase. It took both of us to make these kids damnit. Ugh I'm so frustrated. He is taking advantage of my niceness.


Then you know what you need to do - stop being a pushover, stop being so nice. Your quality of life matters too.


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## liifeiisabeach

norajane said:


> Then you know what you need to do - stop being a pushover, stop being so nice. Your quality of life matters too.


Thank you.


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## Wolf1974

Have you considered a "chore chart". List of everyone's name, all the things that need to be done and then people get assigned things on a rotation basis or just doing chores they like/are good at.... And no sitting a drinking isn't one of them....lol

Anyway I have heard this suggested somewhere here before. Sometimes people need the visual of what needs to be done. Me personally I can relax until I know everything else is done so this system wouldn't benefit me but heard some success from others who liked it.


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## liifeiisabeach

vkolick said:


> It sounds like you have a great relationship besides the fact that you are feeling overwhelmed because of his lack of help around the house. I know that every relationship is different and different people handle things in different ways, but if I were you, this is what I would do:
> 
> 1. Have a conversation with him when you are in a good place, not when you are mad or angry. Start with letting him know how much you appreciate him (Blank) (eg. as a father, the way he loves you, his humor, how he helped with the kids yesterday - anything). Then let him know that you are feeling really overwhelmed and feel like you are at a breaking point will help (do not point fingers here). Let him know you are struggling with the way your day is going and you would really love his help with 1 or 2 things (laundry, trash, getting kids bathed, etc.). Ask him to help you out so you can be in a better mood and have more fun with him, or have time to watch the game with him. Put a plan into action - if he agrees to do the laundry stop doing it until he does. Same with his lunch.
> 
> 2. Most men like to create a solution, so see if he can come up with a solution to the problem and work through it like adults.
> 
> 3. I'm a big proponent of the fact that you cannot change others - so if option 1 and 2 don't work - let yourself off the hook for some things. Try to figure out new habits or ways of doing things that make your day better and more simple. I like a clean house too, but sometimes, I have to let it go for a day or two - so I can relax and enjoy myself. With kids it gets messed up as soon as you clean it anyways! : )
> 
> Valerie Kolick


I absolutely love this response. I know we will be having a talk tonight so I am able to talk to him when I'm not angry. 
I wish I could let go a little bit so I could relax, but I can't relax in a messy home  I know he likes a clean house too, so hopefully we can come up with some solution to make everyone happy.


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## NobodySpecial

Wolf1974 said:


> Have you considered a "chore chart". List of everyone's name, all the things that need to be done and then people get assigned things on a rotation basis or just doing chores they like/are good at.... And no sitting a drinking isn't one of them....lol


I don't think this is a great idea. It can be for KIDS. But any adult male (or female) is likely going to object to having someone put them on a chore chart.

But more importantly, it still makes the running of the household HER problem. He can just blow off the chart instead of her verbalization.


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## Wolf1974

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't think this is a great idea. It can be for KIDS. But any adult male (or female) is likely going to object to having someone put them on a chore chart.
> 
> But more importantly, it still makes the running of the household HER problem. He can just blow off the chart instead of her verbalization.


Actually I have seen this recommend in relationship books. Some people need the visual reminder of what they need to do and this takes away the nagging effect. And I don't see that as making it her problem. She already has a problem. All she is doing is setting up the list. It's up to the individuals to assign the tasks. This way she gets help that is needed. Certainly worth a try if nothing else has worked
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## liifeiisabeach

Wolf1974 said:


> Actually I have seen this recommend in relationship books. Some people need the visual reminder of what they need to do and this takes away the nagging effect. And I don't see that as making it her problem. She already has a problem. All she is doing is setting up the list. It's up to the individuals to assign the tasks. This way she gets help that is needed. Certainly worth a try if nothing else has worked
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


While the chart might help some people, I know that it would aggravate my husband. But I do appreciate the idea.
I did have a talk with him and my step daughter and they have both been helping out more the past 2 days. Hopefully this is a continuous effort on their part.


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## NobodySpecial

Wolf1974 said:


> Actually I have seen this recommend in relationship books.


Then I disagree with the relationship books.



> Some people need the visual reminder of what they need to do and this takes away the nagging effect. And I don't see that as making it her problem. She already has a problem. All she is doing is setting up the list. It's up to the individuals to assign the tasks. This way she gets help that is needed. Certainly worth a try if nothing else has worked
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Little children need to learn organizational skills. Grown ups not so much. If someone needs a visual, someone can be a grown man and write his own list. By creating the list FOR him, she is basically accepting that the chores and their organization are HER responsibility. And it is likely just one more thing he will ignore.

OP I don't think it is a great idea to have you and the kids do all the work basically avoiding this issue. It is not just about you getting run ragged, it is about modelling family life for your children.

My DH and I had a similar issue, but luckily for me I nipped it in the bud before kids. It WILL be harder for you. But if you want change, it is going to have to hurt for a while.

First, sit him down for one last talk. Don't nag or ask. Tell him that you are not his maid. You are done doing his laundry. If he wants clean clothes, he can wash them. You and your kids do your laundry, place his in a basket (you may need to buy a couple baskets) in the laundry room. You are done picking up after him. If leaves stuff around that is in your way, you are throwing it in his closet. (My husband found old dead food wrappers in his. Yuck.) You are not going to be a jerk. If you are making dinner anyway, you will make him dinner. 

Then let him SEE the work you do, which I would bet a dollar he does not really get on some base level.


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## Lon

liifeiisabeach said:


> While the chart might help some people, I know that it would aggravate my husband. But I do appreciate the idea.
> I did have a talk with him and my step daughter and they have both been helping out more the past 2 days. Hopefully this is a continuous effort on their part.


Sounds like you've been the enabler (its common, I am one too) so the tool you have at your disposal is to help enable them to do the chores rather than enabling them to not to. The problem is it will feel like you are mothering your H the same way you are your kids (but maybe just a touch of that is what he needs). When you are doing a chore and he is home, just subvertly hand the chores to him (eg. If the windows need washing go get the spray and the cloth and hand it to him without even saying anything). If you are occupied with other chores at the time then he will feel awkward complaining and it will be easier for him to just do it rather than trying to get out of it.


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## Wolf1974

NobodySpecial said:


> Then I disagree with the relationship books.
> 
> 
> *Lol ok then*
> 
> Little children need to learn organizational skills. Grown ups not so much. If someone needs a visual, someone can be a grown man and write his own list. By creating the list FOR him, she is basically accepting that the chores and their organization are HER responsibility. And it is likely just one more thing he will ignore.
> 
> OP I don't think it is a great idea to have you and the kids do all the work basically avoiding this issue. It is not just about you getting run ragged, it is about modelling family life for your children.
> 
> My DH and I had a similar issue, but luckily for me I nipped it in the bud before kids. It WILL be harder for you. But if you want change, it is going to have to hurt for a while.
> 
> First, sit him down for one last talk. Don't nag or ask. Tell him that you are not his maid. You are done doing his laundry. If he wants clean clothes, he can wash them. You and your kids do your laundry, place his in a basket (you may need to buy a couple baskets) in the laundry room. You are done picking up after him. If leaves stuff around that is in your way, you are throwing it in his closet. (My husband found old dead food wrappers in his. Yuck.) You are not going to be a jerk. If you are making dinner anyway, you will make him dinner.
> 
> Then let him SEE the work you do, which I would bet a dollar he does not really get on some base level.


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## liifeiisabeach

Lon said:


> Sounds like you've been the enabler (its common, I am one too) so the tool you have at your disposal is to help enable them to do the chores rather than enabling them to not to. The problem is it will feel like you are mothering your H the same way you are your kids (but maybe just a touch of that is what he needs). When you are doing a chore and he is home, just subvertly hand the chores to him (eg. If the windows need washing go get the spray and the cloth and hand it to him without even saying anything). If you are occupied with other chores at the time then he will feel awkward complaining and it will be easier for him to just do it rather than trying to get out of it.


Oh I am absolutely an enabler. I have created this monster that I'm married to. And he's showing my son that this is how a relationship should be. We did have a good talk and for the past 2 days he has put forth more effort. 

He actually called an old friend of his who just ended things with her husband. She pretty much told him that she kept things bottled inside and wouldn't ever talk to him about issues and that eventually led to her leaving. I think that was a little bit of a wake up call for him. He told me that he doesn't ever want that to happen to us, if there's an issue that is bothering me then he wants me to tell him.


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## Wolf1974

liifeiisabeach said:


> While the chart might help some people, I know that it would aggravate my husband. But I do appreciate the idea.
> I did have a talk with him and my step daughter and they have both been helping out more the past 2 days. Hopefully this is a continuous effort on their part.


No worries, wouldn't work with me either but some people just do well better with that kinda structure. 

Glad they have been helping out more don't let that trend end


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## NobodySpecial

Wolf1974 said:


> Lol ok then


Do you believe that something having been written in a book makes it true or good? There is a book available for purchase that tells parents what diameter PVC pipe to use to beat their children. I don't agree with that book either.


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## Wolf1974

NobodySpecial said:


> Do you believe that something having been written in a book makes it true or good? There is a book available for purchase that tells parents what diameter PVC pipe to use to beat their children. I don't agree with that book either.


K 

Tried to take the polite way out but you seem incapable of letting it go.

I have seen realtionship books which had this opinion....they don't care if you agree

I have stated this wouldn't work with me personally but I have seen households where this IS the system so I offered my opinion....I don't care if you agree

It's my opinion. Your opinions doesn't not trump other opinions no matter how elevated you may hold yourself. You don't agree...we get it...I still don't care and offered my opinion. Your entitled to whatever you want to believe as I am.


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## NobodySpecial

Wolf1974 said:


> K
> 
> Tried to take the polite way out but you seem incapable of letting it go.
> 
> I have seen realtionship books which had this opinion....they don't care if you agree


Why are you knickers in a twist? I was offering my opinion for the potential benefit of the OP.


> I have stated this wouldn't work with me personally but I have seen households where this IS the system so I offered my opinion....I don't care if you agree
> 
> It's my opinion. Your opinions doesn't not trump other opinions no matter how elevated you may hold yourself. You don't agree...we get it...I still don't care and offered my opinion. Your entitled to whatever you want to believe as I am.


Nobody's opinions "trump" anyone else'. Does that mean I should not offer mine?


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## Wolf1974

NobodySpecial said:


> Why are you knickers in a twist? I was offering my opinion for the potential benefit of the OP.
> 
> *My knickers ? Lol
> 
> As was I *
> 
> Nobody's opinions "trump" anyone else'. Does that mean I should not offer mine?


You have offered it to the Op. You are now quoting me and disagreeing with me. I told you I already get it, you don't agree. I just don't care. My opinion is as valid as yours. I offered my opinion end of story


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## NobodySpecial

Wolf1974 said:


> You have offered it to the Op. You are now quoting me and disagreeing with me. I told you I already get it, you don't agree. I just don't care. My opinion is as valid as yours. I offered my opinion end of story


Ah. I did not realize disagreeing with someone was offensive and that one can only quote for agreement. That disagreement could not be helpful to the OP. I don't expect you to care.


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## Wolf1974

NobodySpecial said:


> Ah. I did not realize disagreeing with someone was offensive and that one can only quote for agreement. That disagreement could not be helpful to the OP. I don't expect you to care.


Disagreeing once is no issue. Repeated is argumentative and not helpful. You don't need to elevate your position by continually stating I disagree. Once is fine.... We can read 

And correct I don't care. I respect other people's opinion even if I don't agree with it to include yours... Might want to give it a try sometime. World isn't just the way you want it to be. Just cause a chore chart doesn't resonate with you...or me doesn't meant it doesn't resonate with others. OP said wouldn't work for her and I can Accept that....why can't you just accept that it works for some just not this situation?


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## NobodySpecial

Wolf1974 said:


> Disagreeing once is no issue. Repeated is argumentative and not helpful.


Ok. Whatever.


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## NobodySpecial

Wolf1974 said:


> Disagreeing once is no issue. Repeated is argumentative and not helpful. You don't need to elevate your position by continually stating I disagree. Once is fine.... We can read
> 
> And correct I don't care. I respect other people's opinion even if I don't agree with it to include yours... Might want to give it a try sometime. World isn't just the way you want it to be. Just cause a chore chart doesn't resonate with you...or me doesn't meant it doesn't resonate with others. OP said wouldn't work for her and I can Accept that....why can't you just accept that it works for some just not this situation?


I am not such a special princess that having someone disagrees with my I get the feeling of pee in my Cheerios.


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## Wolf1974

NobodySpecial said:


> I am not such a special princess that having someone disagrees with my I get the feeling of pee in my Cheerios.


Evidence to the contrary


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## Satya

I don't think you should bust your arse so much anymore. At least, not doing things for him like make his lunch. He's a grown arse man and can do things for himself. You're busy enough. 

It takes 2 to make a child, it should take two to parent. He's going to regret not being more involved when he had the time. Maybe not right now, but in the future. Resentment is a slippery slope. Right now there's no incentive for him to change. The way you describe it, it's like he appeased your desire to have kids. That's very sad, if it's true... And personally I'd let a man go if he felt so trapped and uninvested. 

P. S. I'd cancel the TV and sell it. One less bill to pay!


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## happy as a clam

Divorce.

You are your husband's new live-in maid, live-in housekeeper, "new mom" for his kids.

Tell his lazy arse you either BOTH go to marriage counseling or you're out. If he refuses to go... walk. No way should you be picking up B.O. work shirts and skid mark underwear from any of these slouches...

It's that simple.


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