# Alone



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

I don't know who you are.. But I'm new to this and I need a talk.. I've recently gone through a Bad break up.. To be honest I don't want to live anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night. I mean who wouldn't she was my fiancé.. We was together for 3 years and I proposed July.. She has a son not by me who I have grown to love. I practically raised him since he was 5 months old and which he is now 3.. Each day I find out something new and the lies she has bared on me. I want a happy family which I thought I had.. But there's this agonizing pain constantly running through my heart, I haven't ate in 4 days, haven't slept in 3 days. Only thing running in my mind is suicide.. I'd be better off dead to the world.. No one knows I feel this way about suicide, I love the lil boy we have like he's my own. I was even on planning on adopting him, I still continue to see him even though we're broken up. Who knows he may be better off without me.. It's crazy how love makes you do stupid things. I can barley feel my heartbeat, which is understandable since my heart has been shattered and broke. No band-aid or talk can fix this.. I am nothing without her. She is my all, my everything.. Tears of blood fall from my heart as it has been stabbed so many times.. The tears on my face are past due.. Has anyone else made their way through..


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

there are going to be a lot of people here that have been through or are going through what you have.

i'll give you a little snippit of my own story not so long ago.

i too was engaged. the love of my life at the time. but we had a conflict that kept us apart.
she was from indiana and had her dream retirement house there and wanted me to move.
I couldn't for family and other reasons. 
but we worked it out by her coming back here for her job here every month or so and me going there a few times a year.
she would stay with me while she was here.

i thought things were going pretty well, but i had this horrible feeling that she was detaching from me.
i noticed that the last few visits she was taking her sexy clothes with her back home every time she came and then left.
she would keep a lot of her clothes at my place, especially the revealing sexy ones and that made me feel good and secure.
but, like i said, the last few times, i noticed the sexy clothes were trickling away from my place.

our last visit, she seemed kind of distant. as i took her to the airport, i wondered when i would see her again. it would be weeks, maybe even months.
she was indefinite about when she would be back. 

i had this hollow, lonely, terrible feeling like maybe it was finally over and i also suspected she was cheating on me back home.

let me tell you brother, after i left her at the airport and dropped her off, i pulled over to a place i could just gather myself and think.
i don't know if i've ever felt more depressed and empty. like nothing was left for me.

but life went on. i never thought i would find another love like her, but i did.
i thought she was a once in a lifetime love, but i was wrong.

when we're in the deep canyons of our lives, we can't see over the nearest boulder, much less the rim of the canyon, or what's beyond.
all we see around us is the pit we're in. and we think we're never getting out. that's it. life's over.
that's what i thought. i tell you the truth. boy was i wrong!

that's what i'm here to tell you today.


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

Thank you for your kind words..


----------



## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish

Website: Lifeline


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Life is not always about how great things can be, but more often about how you pick yourself back up when you fall. 

Think about the movie Cool Runnings where the Jamaican Bobsledding team failed, but picked themselves back up and walked across the finish line to show that they would not give up. That is what everyone considers way more courageous and moving than always being the winner! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


----------



## SignOfLife (Aug 13, 2014)

Please call the phone number the other poster gave you. Suicide is not at all the answer. 
It is very hard to feel anything different when you are so heartbroken, but ...trust us all when we say that this is only temporary...and suicide is permanent and selfish..If you love the boy as much as you say, then why would you ever want to leave his soul here on earth not knowing how much you love him?

You have other people in your life too, and they dont deserve to lose you just as much as you dont deserve to lose any of them. Do you want them to feel like you do right now???---isnt it too painful! Dont do that to so many people..
I promise you, it is going to be ok. It is always always going to be ok, each day gets better, each day is new , each day you have the opportunity to wake up and change something from your past.

The truth is that, for every woman like the one you are losing, there are a million others and million that are better and can give you more and wont hurt you.

There is so much more to live for ! So many things than just her ! Live for your future wife, your future children, your parents, siblings and friends.!!! 

Call and get help, call and talk live with someone that can help you realize so much more !!!! 
Dont give up! 
It is a beautiful world ! and there are so many more beautiful people in this world that will make you happy forever !


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

Why don't you tell us about the relationship and the break-up. You say it was bad, what happened? What went wrong?


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Many people feel the way you do after a bad break-up. It can be devastating, for sure. You are not alone in your feelings. 

I'm sorry you have to go through this now. But I can tell you that you absolutely can and will get through it, in time. You're going through the worst of the storm right now, but eventually, little by little, day by day, you will find little things that bring you some happiness. One day, you will realize that you didn't think of her first thing in the morning. One day, you will realize that you went a whole day without thinking of her. One day, you will realize that you're interested in a new woman you just met.

Take your time, and take care of YOURSELF right now. That is your first priority. Reach out to friends and family for support. Even if they can't help your feelings, they can help by distracting you, even if it's for an hour or two at dinner. 

Take care of your health - I know you can't eat, but force some cereal down and take vitamins. Get some exercise - you can work off some of the pain and take advantage of the feel-good endorphins after exercise. 

Throw yourself into projects as a distraction. Have you been meaning to paint the house? Do it now. Have you wanted to volunteer at animal shelter? Do it now. Have you wanted to take a trip to Europe? Do it now. 

This will pass, and you will come out of it stronger. Since she was not the right person for you, you have been freed to meet someone who is the right person. So be kind to yourself and try not to despair.

Seek a therapist if you need help. There is no shame in getting help.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Joey2k said:


> Why don't you tell us about the relationship and the break-up. You say it was bad, what happened? What went wrong?


absolutely, tell us about it. it helps. it's therapeutic.

after my brother died in 2002, i went into a terrible depression for months. i reached out to talk to my family, but nobody wanted to talk. that's what i needed. i had to talk to strangers, but it still helped a lot.


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

jorgegene said:


> Joey2k said:
> 
> 
> > Why don't you tell us about the relationship and the break-up. You say it was bad, what happened? What went wrong?
> ...



Well like I said earlier we've together for 3 years not counting the 6 month break we took. The first time we broke up was when she said she lost her spark for me. And eventually met someone else. 6 months later she begged me back. Of course I took cause #1 I loved her and #2 I wanted our family back together again. From there on out it we was going good. we did things normal couples would do. Before the break up she was starting to act ought weird. She get mad at me for the smallest things and she didn't wanna have sex no more. Which was 2 weeks before we got into it. One night we got into an argument over something silly and we argued. I got mad and said we might need a break.. She cried and took her ring off. Then I said I didn't meant it and I say things I don't mean when I get mad. She literally forced me to leave. So I was constantly telling her sorry and 3 days after the break up she said we can actually talk. Well that brightened my day 100% I met up with her, bought her dinner, and she said how do you see us? I was like well I know we fight and argue but that's what couples do, we can't just run away from the situation, but we need to compromise. I said I still see us being together and for you to have your ring... She paused.. I said what do you think? She said were together but we're not together..? I said what's that suppose to mean? She said well we're talking but taking it slow ya know, she said we can talk for like 3 days and get back together.. I really didn't get it at the time but I took what I could get. She was telling me she still accepts the ring and that she loves me, wanted me to give her hugs and kisses. Went to Walmart and she was telling the cashier I was her boyfriend and I was beginning to be happy again. We literally talk for 4 hours before she went to the movies with her friend. After the movie I called and she wouldn't answer.. Come to figure out 2 days after our break she messaged another guy wanting to hang out. So after the movies she drove and picked him up and went on a date with him. While they was doing that her son called me crying, balling his eyes out saying he couldn't get ahold of mommy and was telling me to come home cuz he thinks I live there (which I don't) I told him I can't... but I'll get ahold mommy, he told me he loved me, I said it back and he hunged up. 3 hours later she messages me and says her phone was messing up and she couldn't get it fixed. But it took her so long to get home cuz she took her friend home. Come to figure out she went on a date with that guy and ****ed him.. I told her she was caught and she kept denying it.. And got mad and said not to **** with her, her son, and her family and said she never loved or wanted me in the first place.. Of course she got mad because I had a talk with the guy she hung out with and he thought it was wrong as well and quit talking to her. She told him me and her we're done for good and she hasn't seen me. He said he was in the same situation and quit talking to her. She told me to get my **** and I did.


----------



## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Run......trust me......run and never look back!! dude


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Dude007 said:


> Run......trust me......run and never look back!! dude


I totally agree with this. There is much better out there for you, much better.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are not alone...my wife cheated on me and I went through the same pain you did....That was 5 yrs ago and I am better now. The pain will pass and you too will get through this just like many here at TAM.

Ask the mods to move this to the "Coping With Infidelity" section were you will meet a lot of folk that are/or when through the same thing.

How did you find out she was cheating....did you look at her phone or did you see her emails?


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@Jace12, You need to let her go, there are much better women out there for you!

Please take care of yourself. I know you don't feel like eating, but make yourself eat something. Take a shower and take yourself out for a walk--get some fresh air and some sunshine.

And please, take advantage of the suicide hotline mentioned above. NO ONE is worth ending YOUR life. NO ONE.

It will get easier, and it will get better. I promise.


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

FeministInPink said:


> And please, take advantage of the suicide hotline mentioned above. NO ONE is worth ending YOUR life. NO ONE.


Especially not someone who does not put her child first. That alone ought to show you that her primary concern is herself and what she wants and no one else, not even her child.



Jace12 said:


> While they was doing that *her son called me crying, balling his eyes out saying he couldn't get ahold of mommy* and was telling me to come home cuz he thinks I live there (which I don't) I told him I can't... but I'll get ahold mommy, he told me he loved me, I said it back and he hunged up. *3 hours later she messages me and says her phone was messing up and she couldn't get it fixed.* But it took her so long to get home cuz she took her friend home. Come to figure out she went on a date with that guy and ****ed him..


If her phone was that messed up, she should have gone home. But her phone wasn't messed up. She was ignoring her son's calls so she could put her sexual desires first.


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

the guy said:


> You are not alone...my wife cheated on me and I went through the same pain you did....That was 5 yrs ago and I am better now. The pain will pass and you too will get through this just like many here at TAM.
> 
> Ask the mods to move this to the "Coping With Infidelity" section were you will meet a lot of folk that are/or when through the same thing.
> 
> How did you find out she was cheating....did you look at her phone or did you see her emails?


No none of that. I had a best friend and he was with his girlfriend and they happen to know that guys sister (the one she went out with me on) sister, so they act like they didn't even know who I was and my friend ended up taking a video of her pulling in his house and picking him up.. Seen the video and all.. 

So I did like any other angry fiancé and told him I was gonna kick his ass.. Unfortunately he said what she told him was something completey different than what he heard about us. He met up with me and we talked liked men. Said if he knew that, he would never went out with her cuz he had the same thing done to him. So he sent her a messaged saying he never wants to talk to her again and that was ****ed up. 

Of course she got mad at him and she called me, blaming everything on me saying I should stay the **** away from her life. Told me to grow up and quit acting 15.. I didn't know fighting for your engagement and getting to the bottom of what's going on is me acting 15? 

But that's what went down. Took every ounce of my last strength to not hit that prick but.. He was straight up about it and told me the truth, told her leave him alone and asked if me and him was straight. I said yes


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

it sound like you have a good friend there


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

the guy said:


> it sound like you have a good friend there



My only friend... But he isn't gonna be around to long. He's only got 4 months to live..


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

But I am no longer having suicidial thoughts thanks to you all. I will continue to see my son whether he's biological or not, he is still my son. (If she lets me) the talk you guys put on here has helped me. So thank you


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your friend saved you a life time of misery and deceit by showing you how toxic this women really is.

It's time to dust your self off, stop this pity party, and go out and live a full and rewarding life.....now that's revenge!

You now have a second chance to find a women that truelly respects you...not someone that uses you as a security blanket and babysitter will they go off and phuck around behind your back.

You deserve good thing....keep repeating this to your self everytime you think about what you "think" you lost.

From were I'm sitting you gained a lot more then you think and it will take time for your to see this.


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

the guy said:


> Your friend saved you a life time of misery and deceit by showing you how toxic this women really is.
> 
> It's time to dust your self off, stop this pity party, and go out and live a full and rewarding life.....now that's revenge!
> 
> ...



Yeah your right.. Is it bad to say if she asks me to come back, begging me to take her, that I would consider it.. I mean I miss what we had. I miss Our lil family together.. I miss It all.. I miss her 

Unless she changes you know. I don't know


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

How many time are you going to let this women screw you over when there are so many women out there that will give you the family you deserve?

I can tell you right now it is just a matter of time this women will come crawling back....And you know what, the same crap ...the emotional torture will happen again with some other guy she wants to have sex with while you are at home being her doormat!

Were is your self respect man?

See she might be with a new guy as we speak and this guy will figure out how broken she is or she may let her self get used for the night by some guy....either way she is broken and you can't help her.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Whats going to happen when you take her back (you always do) and whats going to prevent her from doing this again?

The definition of crazy is doing the same crap over and over again and expecting a different result!

What exactly are you getting if you do "win" her back?


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Jace12 said:


> Yeah your right.. Is it bad to say if she asks me to come back, begging me to take her, that I would consider it.. I mean I miss what we had. I miss Our lil family together.. I miss It all.. I miss her
> 
> Unless she changes you know. I don't know


Since this breakup just happened and you just found out about her cheating and you are hurting, it's normal to want her back. It's normal to wish away all the bad behavior and the cheating and to wish to go back to the way things were...except things were not actually the way you are remembering them. 

You miss the image you had of your "lil family." Unfortunately, your image was not actual reality. Reality was that she had other things on her mind than you and your plans to marry. She was that way when you had your 6 month break up. And she's that way again now. She isn't going to change in any way that will make her a good partner for you.

Understand that your feelings of wanting her back are normal, but they will change once you are past the worst of the hurt. Then you will reach anger, and that will keep you away from her because you will start to internalize that she is bad news.


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

the guy said:


> How many time are you going to let this women screw you over when there are so many women out there that will give you the family you deserve?
> 
> I can tell you right now it is just a matter of time this women will come crawling back....And you know what, the same crap ...the emotional torture will happen again with some other guy she wants to have sex with while you are at home being her doormat!
> 
> ...



I have nothing. That's why.. I don't want any other family instead of the one I had before.. I don't see myself with anyone else other than her and her boy. Even in the 6 month break up, I did not have 1 girlfriend nor did I date. I didn't do nothing, because I still loved her. I'm an idiot I know but I still love the girl.. She was my first love, first everything. I guess that's why it's so hard for me


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

norajane said:


> Jace12 said:
> 
> 
> > Yeah your right.. Is it bad to say if she asks me to come back, begging me to take her, that I would consider it.. I mean I miss what we had. I miss Our lil family together.. I miss It all.. I miss her
> ...



I'm really not all that angry.. But upset and disappointed that she does this again. I could never be angry towards her.. I love her and still to this day of she needs anything of still help her..


----------



## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Jace12 said:


> I'm really not all that angry.. But upset and disappointed that she does this again. I could never be angry towards her.. I love her and still to this day of she needs anything of still help her..


You need a lot more than love to make a relationship work. In a case where one partner wants to date other people, no, you loving her is not enough, not even close.

You want to give her everything, and she wants to tell you lies so she can deceive you. She doesn't want what you want.

You need to find your anger. It's there somewhere - some part of you must realize that she's not on your team and has been actively playing against you.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Jace12 said:


> I'm really not all that angry.. But upset and disappointed that she does this again. I could never be angry towards her.. I love her and still to this day of she needs anything of still help her..


Find your anger, Jace12! This woman does NOT deserve your love. She played around on you, and then she BLAMED YOU for getting upset? She is selfish, and she has been using you. She doesn't deserve everything you have to offer.

She has given you a GIFT. She has given you the gift of FREEDOM. She has shown you her true colors before you put a wedding ring on her finger.

You need to take that gift, and you need to run away as far as possible. Stay away from her. Do NOT take her back if she asks you to, because why? Because she will just pull this sh!t on you again... and again... and again. 

If you can get angry about what she's already done to you, think about what she WILL do to you if you take her back. How many men does she have to sleep with to make you angry? 3? 5? 7?

Because a woman like this is a serial cheater. She will get to that number, you can be sure of that. So get mad. Get angry about what this woman will do to you if you take her back. Get angry about all the years of your life she will take from you, that she will waste with her cheating, how many times she will hurt you over and over again. Think about when, in the future, after you've married her, she eventually decides to leave you for good, tears apart your family (I imagine you'll have one or two more kids by then), and she screws you over in the divorce and takes half of everything you've earned and built for your family. And then you have to start all over, ten or fifteen years from now.

Are you angry yet?

I know it's hard right now. I know you feel like you've lost everything. You feel like you're alone. But you're not alone. You have your best friend. You have us. And we all want the best for you. You'll have to find new people, too, because--and I hate to say this--you'll lose mutual friends over this breakup. That's just... what happens. But you can do it. We've all done it. And you'll find other people who value you and love you, and who will confirm that yes, you deserve better than the scraps this woman has given to you. You deserve SO MUCH MORE. 

You've invested 3 years into her and your relationship. Don't let that turn into 10 or 20.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

wow dude, your gf sounds eerily like my ex. that i was talking about. her problem was rooted in that she was verbally abused by her father and physically abused by her ex husband for years.

the result was that she was all over the place. one day, she would call me her boyfriend, the next if i mentioned her as my g.f. or fiance, she would get mad.
one day she would threaten to leave me, the next she said she would stay with me forever if i moved to indiana with her.
one day she would get jealous and mad at me accusing me of looking at some young thing, the next day, she would say it doesn't matter what i did.
she would run away from me, but always come back. avoid me for days, then when i would give her space, she would call and get lovey again.

you get the idea. 

here's the problem. i had some of the best times of my life with her and some of the worst. she put me through the wringer.

the highs were the highest highs i've ever had in my life, but the lows were really low.

in the end, i had to leave her, but no regrets. wouldn't trade it for anything. i moved on and found me a great wife who is the same woman every day, day in and day out.

go find yourself that type of gal. they're out there.


----------



## Jace12 (Aug 19, 2015)

jorgegene said:


> wow dude, your gf sounds eerily like my ex. that i was talking about. her problem was rooted in that she was verbally abused by her father and physically abused by her ex husband for years.
> 
> the result was that she was all over the place. one day, she would call me her boyfriend, the next if i mentioned her as my g.f. or fiance, she would get mad.
> one day she would threaten to leave me, the next she said she would stay with me forever if i moved to indiana with her.
> ...



That exactly sounds just like her.. She threaten to leave me one day and the next she be there with arms wide open wanting love.. And my best times was with her and my hardest times were with her. I guess I have no self respect man, smh


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Jace12 said:


> I have nothing.


You know what they say...behind every great man is a good women.

With all do respect what does this women have to offer you?

What kind of sadist would put up with this emotional torture.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Jace12 said:


> That exactly sounds just like her.. She threaten to leave me one day and the next she be there with arms wide open wanting love.. And my best times was with her and my hardest times were with her. I guess I have no self respect man, smh


Correction: you HAD no self-respect. When she asks you to come back, respect yourself and say no. Start now. Make decisions you can be proud of, that you can respect.


----------

