# It just hasnt gotten any better....



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

So My sons 7th birthday just passed and his mother and I are as contentious as ever. Not so much by my doing at all. Basically it all comes down to her unwillingness to compromise and work with me. there have been so many issues since our split and basically it all comes down to her just not showing any respect for my role as a father. I asked her to please not bring this new man she is dating around my two small children and she fought me on it until I made her abide by it by having the lawyer draft a letter, I asked to have 50/50 custody of the children and she has fought me on it and has also rebuffed giving me an extra day every other week. The one day she does want to give me is the Friday on the weekends that they are to be with her and she uses it as a night off to go party. I take it only because I'd rather spend time with my kids than have a babysitter watch them when they could be with me. I ask her to help me with half the credit card bills and she fought me tooth and nail on that until recently. Everytime we get into it she continues to bring my affair. Now I dont keep in contact at all with the OW anymore, completely cut off and have moved on. I tell her to get over it, she has a boyfriend, move on. She refuses to acknowledge her role in the breakup of ou marriage, you see while going through the initial stages of all of this she admitted that she fell out of love with me but just decided to not say anything and let us become what we did rather than to express this and let us make a clean break. I feel she just was in it for the convenience of having someone to help her raise the kids and pay the bills. It wasnt fair to me as I was feeling ignored and neglected. 

Obviously through all of this I did express myself that I was becoming unhappy and she did nothing to change. For 4 years i relayed my concerns to her and they went unheard. then finally I commit the mistake of the EA. She wont acknowledge my feelings or the position that she put me in and all she sees and brings up is what I did. When I tell her my position she disrespectfully says" oh wait let me pull out the violin for you". Its just so disrespectful to disregard my feelings and where I came from. All she can do is blame me over and over. THe worst part is, she's seeing a shrink! In any case I have let go, I no longer require her forgiveness as my focus has mainly been to be a good father. I try not to get into it with her but she battles me on every subject. She harbors alot of anger and judges me solely based on what happened. It's the only thing she uses every time we are in a disagreement about something. I truly hope that one day she can get past this and finally let us get to the real task which is to raise our two children together. I want to work with her but everything cannot be based on her terms or dictated to me as if I have no say.


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

If she gives you the kids an extra Friday so she can go out with her BF, take it. It is extra time with your kids. In fact, since you are arguing about 50/50. Her BF is the best thing that could happen to your custody case. It is called the Mr. Wonderful effect. Make it easy for her to go out.

As far as your affair, her BF, etc etc. Are you trying to reconcile? If not, it doesn't matter what she thinks, believes or understands. Go into radio silence, communicate only about kids. Don't try to make her see your position, feelings, etc. No point in doing that.

Focus on being the best dad you can be.


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