# Strengthen my relationship with my 5 yr old son



## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

My marriage sucks, so maybe I should only concentrate on my relationship with my son. Whenever he needs something, he immediately goes to ask his mom. But when he has a bad dream at night, he comes to me first.

Any suggestions?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much time do you spend with him?

Do you ever do anything just with him?


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

On Saturday mornings it used to be just us - going to this swim class or going to indoor trampoline place. During the week, it's rare that it's just him and I.

Besides the pool, which we both enjoy, I need to find other things for us to do together and things for me to do alone.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I think kids, in their own way, are very perceptive. They know when things aren't right between mom and dad. My suggestion is to strengthen your marriage and that will in tune strengthen your relationship with your son. Generally, one goes with the other.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

The marriage is over. We are stuck in the house together cause neither can afford to move out. Which is a conversation for another thread.

Again, my concern is finding things for my son and I. Golf is in our future.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Spend more time with him. That's about all you can do. He's 5 so, spend time going to the zoo, parks, coloring, playing with nerf guns in the back yard, water sprinklers are always a hit with kids, Ride bikes together, wrestle in the living room, read stories, go camping either in your yard, or in his room (my son has a pop up tent in his room that I read stories to him in). 

I mean it's easy to find things to do with a 5 year old. The more time you spend with him, the more he will trust that you will be there for him when he needs you. 

If your marriage is already over, then don't do these things with your wife. Tell her it's just you and your son for a while every day...designate certain times if you have to.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

A five year old boy is very attached to his mother. Very. Don't mess with that. At about 8, the shift will start coming. Until then, do fun things with him..that he likes. And who knows if he will like golf in the future. It is not about you. It is about HIM. Figure out what he likes to do, where his interests lie and do those things. Also, if he is in scouting etc., start getting involved with those clubs.


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## heyyoo (May 24, 2014)

my relationship with my son really started to develop when he was 7-8, before that it was all to mom. he thinks I'm good now for another year or two then he'll probably start hating me 
I'm not looking forward to teen years at all.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

o stuff with him. Take him fishing, hiking. Help him build stuff. Teach him "manly stuff", like how to tough things out when the going gets rough. Expose him to how men bond and party, by letting him tag along sometimes.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Just listen to him. Kids that age love and need for adults to hear their stories without interruption. Active listening works best.

And laugh with him. Be totally silly with him. Wear a stupid hat, sing a silly song, and just be with him. So many parents obsess about the amount of time they spend with their kids, but it's not the amount of time that matters so much. This is especially true if you aren't really interacting or bonding with them. It's not the quantity, it's the quality of time that matters. Do that, and he will love being with you and you with him.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

buy him a pocket knife teach him how to use and care for it how to sharpen it. how to whittle.(I know someone is thinking oh my god hes too young he might cut himself) teach him safety and then when he cut himself teach him to put a band aid on. its all part of the process.


take him shooting a 22

take him fishing

teach him how to throw a ball and bat join t ball.

take long walks and talk about nothing 

nature walks. take a book about plant identification and identify as many thing as you can.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

fishing and kayaking is an awesome option. 

For what its worth, I too have gained strength from my child during a turbulent marriage. We do things like sporting events, fishing, going to reading events at barnes noble, picnics, playgrounds, get a zoo season pass..many things are free and kids are easy. They just want to hang with you. You could literally stop at subway, grab some sandwiches and go to a playground or fishing spot. You'd be out $7 and your son would remember these dad/son specific things forever.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

The latest theories around kids is they don't get enough unstructured play anymore. We plan their day's up the ying yang to have them participate in organized sports with lots of rules and people to enforce the rules. While it's good to learn rules and how to be part of a team kids also need to learn to use their own minds.

My suggestion would be things like simply playing catch, going for walks in the woods, building a tree house, fishing...stuff where no one is being rushed to get on the field or get off the field...where he can use his powers of observation and imagination. These are the things we're missing with our families these day. Things that used to be the norm.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

chillymorn said:


> buy him a pocket knife teach him how to use and care for it how to sharpen it. how to whittle.(I know someone is thinking oh my god hes too young he might cut himself) teach him safety and then when he cut himself teach him to put a band aid on. its all part of the process.
> 
> 
> take him shooting a 22
> ...


Teach a 5 year old how to shoot a gun? Ugh...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I learned at about that age. If they're in the house, safety comes from knowledge.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

At times when you cannot go out.. read to him.. a LOT , play games.. there are tons of good board games.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

At that age boys still want "mommy" to wipe their butts and give them hugs. It's not until later when they start maturing physically and mentally that they gravitate towards male role models. 

Having said this, the best currency you can spend right now with your kids is time. Avoid giving gifts to "buy influence". Spend time with your boy and strengthen the bond. You would be surprise how much your son will love it if you sat down on the ground and played gi joes with him. Kids at that age at pretty much 90% play and 10% pooping an eating. Be part of that 90%.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ebp123 said:


> Teach a 5 year old how to shoot a gun? Ugh...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


??????

funny I feel the same about not teaching them .......double Ugh!!!


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Yeah, fishing is always good. You can go almost anywhere and at least catch perch. The sight of that bobber going under is addictive to most little boys.

Another thing little boys cannot get enough of is frisbee. Everyone knows mom can't throw a frisbee.  

Of course, neither can 5 year old boys. Better train him to run after it.

Part of bonding is intangible. Its being there at the right time, and saying or doing the right thing.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Teach him stuff. To ride a bike, to build something, to gut a fish.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

I was in a similar situation but with my 5 year old daughter. She was very close to my wife but would come to me when she got scared. It was hurtful, i'll admit.

My wife was having an affair and was pretty cold towards me. I think my daughter picked up and that and had become pretty cold towards me also. After dday, my wifes attitude towards me changed for the better and things between us are going pretty fantastic. I noticed that since dday and my wifes attitude change, my daughter has been much more loving to me too.

Here is part of my very first post here on TAM over a year ago, before I found out about my wifes affair. I was writing about feeling unappreciated and discussing my wife and kids attitudes towards me. This is what I wrote about my then 4 year old daughter.....

*Daughter:
This one kills me. She is 4 and my entire world. I do everything I can to be a good dad and show her my love. She seems to have inherited her mothers "lack of affection" gene. She will tell her mother she loves her all the time, and nothing to me. She will give her mother kisses and when I ask what about daddy, shes like "aww fine" and gives me a guilt kiss. I know shes 4 and doesnt understand what shes doing but it still hurts.*

Today, shes the total opposite, just like my wife is. She is always drawing pictures of her and I and writing I love you Daddy on it. She is always hugging me and wants to be around me, giving me kisses all the time. The best part is the random "I love you daddy" that I get all the time.

So like others have said, kids totally pick up on the vibe you and your wife are putting out. If your wife wont change her attitude, I suggest spending as much quality time with your son as possible. He will respond.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

*Howdy O-One-Eleven:*

Organizations such as your church, (or any church for that matter) YMCA, the Boys and Girls Club, and etc. offer numerous programs and opportunities to engage you child in outdoor camping and development programs. Often times, these take place in formal “camp facilities” run by the organization and will provide for experiences like shooting a .22, zip lining, hiking, fishing, horseback riding and etc.

The first 7-years are absolutely critical in a child’s development and experiences like these are foundational not only in development of your child’s character and attitude but also in your parent/child relationship – it may even foster your marital relationship. 

I’d encourage you to jump on these ASAP, it will not only strengthen your relationship with your son, but it will foster and direct him in his growth and development and it may ultimately help your relationship with your wife as well.

*You’ve got nothing to loose on this one!*


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

The best things to do with your kid is to show interest in the things they like - not necessarily the things that you like. You mentioned golf. That's fine because he'll enjoy the time spent together but it's probably not the first thing on his list of interests right now.

I don't really like Xbox games all that much. However, knocking out an hour with my son is time-well spent. His listening is better, he seems happier afterwards and all around closer to me than when I just let him play by himself. 

When he was into bugs, we went around and collected them in the woods or even in the yard. He is interested in dogs so we watch videos about dog breeds, borrowed books from the library, went to the shelter and walked the dogs etc.

He likes swimming, basketball, and soccer - same thing, go to the park and shoot hoops and kick a ball around. Go to the pool and go swimming.

Hot wheels car tracks, legos, forts, comic books are good for rainy days. Outside, camping, fishing, hiking, building stuff together and actually letting him use tools are good.


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