# Trying to make sense of it



## rainydays (Jan 31, 2011)

It's been about two weeks since my husband of 8 moths (together 8 years) has told me that he no longer wants to be married, is unhappy and doesn't love me anymore. Over that time I've been talking to family and trying to work it out in my head but it just doesn't make sense to me. You'd think I'd know if he was having these issues, you'd think he would have brought it up before, but never. It's like it came out of nowhere. We were having some issue these past two months because of all his traveling but nothing that I didn't think we could work through. I feel like he's being immature and throwing in the towel over things that can be addressed. My whole family is shocked and most are convinced he is cheating on me. I've asked him over and over again if he is and he says no. But really, nothing else explains it to me. Just a few months ago he's talking about when we should have children, telling me how much he loves me and then now he's done. I just don't get it. Any advice on how I can get down to the bottom of this? I just don't get it.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

rainydays said:


> We were having some issue these past two months because of all his traveling but nothing that I didn't think we could work through.


It's interesting this topic of strife correlates to the time his "mindset" changed. You may want to look further into that. After what I went through, I would tend to agree with you family members who think infidelity may be to blame. His behavior points in that direction.

Just for the record, never ask a cheating spouse if they ARE cheating. A cheating spouse is the biggest liar of all. Of course they will deny it! If you suspect he is cheating, do your detective work first.


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## McFly (Jan 26, 2011)

The same thing happened to me. I had a great, loving relationship for 9 1/2 years, and out of the blue, she loved me, but wasn't in love with me. For those 9 1/2 years, we loved each other happily, publicly and without condition. They were the best years of my life - filled to the brim with happiness. Two months prior to her announcement, we were taking daily temperatures and scheduling sex to make sure we could get her pregnant. Three days prior to her announcement, we were still sleeping together. 

I found out a few weeks ago, after she moved out, she had shacked up with her best friend's boyfriend (of 7 years). This guy was one of my best friends - top 5 of my buds.

She never said anything, always denied it. 

I really really hate to say this, but when we are treated this way, we have to put certain feelings aside in order to move forward. What I mean is, like a junky who wants their fix, this is something that can be overcome. You need to stop wanting to be with someone who 1. doesn't want to be with you, and 2. doesn't respect you. Then, you need to get your ducks all lined up to take them to the freakin' cleaners. 

That's what I did. I haven't spoken to her in a long time, but I think of her every 10 minutes (easily). I took her for almost everything she had. It doesn't make me feel any better, and yes, I would trade it all in to go back in time, *but* I'd probably feel worse, if she'd ditched me, and I was poor. You know ? 

I'm sorry, I know I'm coming off as harsh and a cynic. It's just that I was once exactly where you are. I'm just a couple months later now, and I haven't regretted what I've done.

I wish you luck and the least amount of pain possible.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

I'm also trying to make sense of why mu husband of 10 years left me just like that.No real reason ,he said I'm not happy,i don't want to be married,i enjoy being single. 
He left me with 2 kids 5 and 1 with no substantial reason ! Well of course he listed all possible little reasons: i don't love you,you don't like my friends,my hobbies,we are not compatible,you give me anxiety on a daily basis ....lol These are all valid reasons to tear a family of 4 apart right?! lol

In my case though i do believe there is no OW.
Consider yourself lucky...in a weird twisted way of course...you have no kids together which is great.kids would not have stopped him if that what you're thinking.
I do believe that people that tend to leave loved ones just like that have a sort of genetic disorder of some sort,they don't emotionally attach that is why they have no problem with leaving and looking back. I have no other explanation otherwise.I've also had moments of wanting to leave in the coarse of out 10 years together but there were too many things that stopped me,i was just flirting with the idea but I'm just not capable of doing it.
They should really do a study with people that left their families like that and look for some genetic mutation or something.
Sorry for the rambling but I'm also so confused how is that possible!


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I tend to agree that there likely is someone else in the picture. I also tend to agree that there are other issues likely present, such as depression, low self esteem, dissatisfaction with position in life, midlife crisis, etc. I say this because it's exactly what my H did to me. After 14 years of marriage and what I believed to be a great marriage and friendship, along with two small children, he starts acting strange and one day announces that he does not want to be married anymore. If I asked once I asked 1,000 times if there was someone else. He would look me dead in the face and tell me no. I did not investigate or look further into the situation because I truly did not believe he could do that to me, but all signs pointed to it. I was afraid. If there is someone else, she will surface soon. In a way, I'm glad I didn't find any evidence on my own of what was going on - I think it would have haunted me. I found out because a friend of mine saw him out with her after he moved out of our house. It didn't take long. He continued to deny it and told me that it just started after he moved out. I don't believe that for a second. Unless the relationship is tulmultuous and both parties really know it's not a good situation, I don't believe that man leaves his wife and throws away his family out of the blue like this unless he has something else to run to. I'm really sorry that you, like me, have a spouse with flawed values, morals and judgment. It's going to be a really bumpy ride - just hang on and do whatever you need to do to get through.


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