# Fun question for the guys



## CluelessWif (Jun 20, 2014)

My friend's daughter, about 14, has a crush on my hubby. I know she will grow out of it (I had a crush like this myself) but my hubby is lost in how to deal with it. His normal response to flirting is an immediate shut down, but he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

Still, he is old enough to be her father. He finds it really creepy and awkward. Advice?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What is she doing that is flirting?


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I'm not a guy but I would say that hubby should treat her crush as he would any other aged woman or girl with proper boundaries. He should be flattered but obviously not give her any ideas. 

At social events, he can make sure not to be alone in the same room as her. Not sit by her at the table/on the sofa, always lock the door if he's going to the bathroom etc. Not that he would do anything but she might. :/ 

Also I don't know what kind of relationship you all have with her but now that she's not quite a girl, not yet a woman, if it's been a close uncle-like relationship in the past, he needs to reign that in a lot until her crush fades. No fun trips out for ice cream/hiking/fishing etc. with her alone if they did any of that before. Out of sight out of mind. This crush should pass eventually.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

CluelessWif said:


> Still, he is old enough to be her father. He finds it really creepy and awkward. Advice?



Oddly enough this has happened to me. 

A crush like that will usually wither and die like a plant without water in just a month or two. It's really not that hard for a grown man to arrange to be someplace else when the two families visit.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why is this a "Fun question"? :scratchhead:


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Had a little bit of this with one of my daughter's girlfriends several years back. I tried to just act a little more "fatherly" whenever I was around them, then act more "husbandly" toward my wife when she was also around.

Things like asking them about school, then the old "we didn't have that stuff when I was in school"....

This stuff has been going on for ever, and always resolves itself. Try to be as nonchalant as possible. If he gives away that he notices and is uncomfortable, she'll just be more embarrassed about it when she's older.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Be respectful and respectable.

Be paternal.

If she thinks it's cute or somehow crosses any of the lines above ... come down on it ... hard.

Crushes are supposed to be fun. Unless you're talking about an Alicia Silverstone kind of crush.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I would advoid her like the plague. in todays day in age she could get the wrong impression and make some damaging comments. not worth it.

If she is flirting with him thats a big problem he should cut it asap saying something like you should really be looking for someone your own age. I'm already taken and I don't want my wife kicking your a$$.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

He needs to be distant. For all you know, acting "fatherly" could be tweaking something in her psyche, as could acting overtly affectionate toward you. Have him stick to "hi" and "goodbye" and that's about it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Why is this a "Fun question"? :scratchhead:


That struck me as well. Huh?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Keep away from her until it blows over. That's the best for today's day and age, all things considered.


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## CluelessWif (Jun 20, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What is she doing that is flirting?


It is hard to pinpoint. She has started messaging him daily on fb with little flirty comments. He is trying to discourage her that way, one word non-committal answers, but she keeps it up. 

Like "oh, you have to work. Too bad, I wanted to hang with you."

"Why are you going home, you should come see me."

"Oh, you are sweet."

"You could never make me mad."

Knowing her the way I do I know the difference between her being friendly and flirting. This is her flirting.


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## CluelessWif (Jun 20, 2014)

Entropy3000 said:


> That struck me as well. Huh?


Supposed to be light and easy. For this site how to handle a flirting child going through a normal crush is much lighter than most of the issues.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

He ought to remove her from his FB friends list immediately.

Why tippi-toe about her sensitivities?

Tell her to knock it off.


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## CluelessWif (Jun 20, 2014)

changedbeliefs said:


> He needs to be distant. For all you know, acting "fatherly" could be tweaking something in her psyche, as could acting overtly affectionate toward you. Have him stick to "hi" and "goodbye" and that's about it.


Interesting point. This girl has a problem with older men. Not that I think she would trap/wrongly accuse, that is not her style. But she has been caught in two relationships with much older men. When she was 12 it was a PA with a 24 year old, when she was 13 it was an EA with a 32 year old.

Her parents won't get her IC, they just keep telling her not to be so easy. I don't want to block her out, b/c I feel like she needs a stable presence. I don't fear my husband will fall into this. First, he is not a child predator, second he finds the whole thing incredibly disturbing. 

I know it is inappropriate, but I have known the girl since she was 5 and I want to find a way to still be supportive of her without alienating my husband.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CluelessWif said:


> It is hard to pinpoint. She has started messaging him daily on fb with little flirty comments. He is trying to discourage her that way, one word non-committal answers, but she keeps it up.
> 
> Like "oh, you have to work. Too bad, I wanted to hang with you."
> 
> ...


OMG. No way would I be on FB with her. LOL. Never even considered this. That is way too familiar.

I understand teenage dram but in hindsight him being a FB friend was not optimal. Perhaps he was replying to your daughterin a thread the other interacted.

No in this context he should unfriend her IMO.

I even prevent folks from posting to my timeline. Mainly because I have a very diverse friend base. And I do not need the extra drama that potentially could arise.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CluelessWif said:


> Supposed to be light and easy. For this site how to handle a flirting child going through a normal crush is much lighter than most of the issues.


I get your point. When my daughters were young there was no social media. This has upped the ante.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Her comments on Facebook are WAY inappropriate and could be misconstrued by others. Block her from his Facebook account. He can play ignorant, doesn't know why she's blocked, can't see her comments, etc..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

CluelessWif said:


> I don't want to block her out, b/c I feel like she needs a stable presence. I don't fear my husband will fall into this. First, he is not a child predator, second he finds the whole thing incredibly disturbing.
> 
> I know it is inappropriate, but I have known the girl since she was 5 and I want to find a way to still be supportive of her without alienating my husband.


You know, this is a huge risk to your husband. She may need something in her life but your husband's presence is NOT one of them.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

CluelessWif said:


> It is hard to pinpoint. She has started messaging him daily on fb with little flirty comments. He is trying to discourage her that way, one word non-committal answers, but she keeps it up.
> 
> Like "oh, you have to work. Too bad, I wanted to hang with you."
> 
> ...


:wtf:

This is creepy coming from a 14 year old girl towards a grown, married man. It's not flirting and she shouldn't even be on his FB. He should block her. 

My DD is 14. If someone told me she was doing this, there'd be some big issues.

I'd blow this crap up to the parents. This is no way "cute".

Girls get crushes on teachers. A colleague of mine had some 15 year old girl writing him little notes, etc. Is that "cute"? Hell no. He took the letters to the admin. He stayed out of her way. *It only takes ONE mention of him being inappropriate towards her (because he's avoiding her or not doing what she wishes he would) and his butt is in jail or shunned by family/friends, etc.
*
That girl has an agenda. She's not naive.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And I'm sorry but grown people should NOT have other people's children on their FB. The hell.

Maybe nieces and nephews, but even then, on a restricted membership with you (you can block them from many things of yours, just still have them on your page).


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I once had an 18-year-old niece related to my ex living with us for a year to finish schooling.

Anyway, she started "accidentally" coming out of the shower with just a towel on her head right when I would open the front door, coming home from work.

First time I ignored it as an accident. Second time, I yelled out to put a robe on. Third time? I didn't let it go that far, we made arrangements for her to move back home with her family. She had done one more bothersome thing and that was it.

14 isn't 18, sure. But it ain't the 80s anymore either.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

that_girl said:


> :wtf:
> 
> This is creepy coming from a 14 year old girl towards a grown, married man...
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

This is NOT cute, your husband does NOT need to be a "stable presence" in her life. You are all flirting with DISASTER if you allow this to continue.

The fact that she has already had "inappropriate" relationships with two older men is a HUGE RED FLAG!! Don't assume you "know her" and that she would never do anything to hurt him or cause trouble. This girl is whacked in the head and he needs to stay away from her. For that matter, I would NOT have her over for sleepovers with your daughter; too much room for problems.

I would definitely tell her parents what she is doing, put it in writing for documentation (email it to yourself for proof) in case SHE tries to accuse HIM of inappropriate behavior.

Get her the h*ll off his Facebook!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And why is this "fun" for men to talk about?

You think men like little girls falling all over them? Life isn't "American Beauty".


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

This kinda crap scares me to death there is nothing fun or cute one wrong move by your husband and he is f'd, wrong place wrong time and guess what the parents may have let the 24 year old have fun with their daughter(by the way why no charges? a PA with a 24, the guy should have his d1ck cut off) but your husband she yells rape or he touched me wrong and your husband is in jail reputation ruined.

Run away, stay away tell her parents exactly what is happening and why you just can't be around them or their daughter anymore then block all access facebook, e mail, cell etc better to lose friends than your husband.

Side note I used to coach baseball and then softball for my kids teams when they were younger I had a *strict* in no way would I be alone with anyone's children or would I take anyone home, absolutely no appearance of evil, take no chances with this stuff and you won't have any problems.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CluelessWif said:


> I know it is inappropriate, but I have known the girl since she was 5 and I want to find a way to still be supportive of her without alienating my husband.


There are two ways to handle it....

He just never, ever responds to her messages.

or you respond

Hi [girl's name] this is CluelessWif. yea we share and account, how cute is that.... if you need an adult to talk you and call me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

love=pain said:


> This kinda crap scares me to death there is nothing fun or cute one wrong move by your husband and he is f'd, wrong place wrong time and guess what the parents may have let the 24 year old have fun with their daughter(by the way why no charges? a PA with a 24, the guy should have his d1ck cut off) but your husband she yells rape or he touched me wrong and your husband is in jail reputation ruined.
> 
> Run away, stay away tell her parents exactly what is happening and why you just can't be around them or their daughter anymore then block all access facebook, e mail, cell etc better to lose friends than your husband.
> 
> Side note I used to coach baseball and then softball for my kids teams when they were younger I had a *strict* in no way would I be alone with anyone's children or would I take anyone home, absolutely no appearance of evil, take no chances with this stuff and you won't have any problems.


So the parents never sought to have these older men prosecuted?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> There are two ways to handle it....
> 
> He just never, ever responds to her messages.
> 
> ...


The more I think about this, I take it back. Do not answer instead of him. the only appropriate response is for him to block her.

You are not responsible for this girl. She's not some innocent little kid. She is actively seeking a sexual relationship with your husband... you know she wants to ruin your marriage and your family. 

I would no longer let a kid like this in my house. Period.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So the parents never sought to have these older men prosecuted?


Yeah I don't get it were they trying to save their daughter's reputation or feelings? With her actions sounds like she has some emotional issues maybe from the relationship with an older man.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

This girl is obviously behaving inappropriately for some one of any age but I come down on the side of just ignore her attempts and keep transparency and communication between you and your husband. I don't see the need to block her. Not responding will have the same effect with no overt step. When she's not getting the attention she wants she will move on to another.... And this is the sadness of it. She needs help.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is anyone asking why she goes after older men? This is a serious issue and indicative of some very bad history in her life.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

CluelessWif said:


> It is hard to pinpoint. She has started messaging him daily on fb with little flirty comments. He is trying to discourage her that way, one word non-committal answers, but she keeps it up.
> 
> Like "oh, you have to work. Too bad, I wanted to hang with you."
> 
> ...


Oh he needs to shut this down. She is setting him up to look as if he is a willing participant. Perhaps talk to her parents to assure them he is not reciprocating her comments.

I believe this is all how it went down in the beginning for Joey Buttafuoco


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

I'm 53 years old. My six year old niece thinks I am the best. She follows me around, sits in my lap when I sit down, kisses me on the cheek, holds my hand, loops her arm in mine when sitting next to me. It's embarrassing but cute. I think it will be funny to see her reaction to me when she grows out of the crush.

My daughter is 18. She has friends who flirt but don't go past boundaries of common sense, something that I think any man should have control over. Even the most forward girl is not going to cross the boundary unless invited. If the boundary is crossed then it should be simple to say no.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Is anyone asking why she goes after older men? This is a serious issue and indicative of some very bad history in her life.


Sounds like some sort of sexual abuse and the parents are doing nothing to help.
You have to crush this.
What happens if she gets p!ssed and call the police.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Shoto1984 said:


> This girl is obviously behaving inappropriately for some one of any age but I come down on the side of just ignore her attempts and keep transparency and communication between you and your husband. I don't see the need to block her. Not responding will have the same effect with no overt step. When she's not getting the attention she wants she will move on to another.... And this is the sadness of it. She needs help.


I have to disagree. If accusations start to fly, he is the one that will be tarred. Merely ignoring them won't be enough, especially if she claims they were sent after the two of them talked.

It is absolutely awful what this girl has been through, but she knows what she is doing. She has been involved like this before and she is looking for another guy.

In this situation, he has everything to lose. There is absolutely no reason he should have to put up with this.


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