# Husband and porn



## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

Okay ladies need some help. My husband has always watched porn even before me. He never had many GF's or sex so he used porn alot. We had a rough spot before when we wasn't having much sex and I caught him watching after I went to bed. He sometimes wakes up and can't go back to sleep so he goes downstairs and looks on the computer at different things and sometimes it is porn. We are having a great sex life and alot of it but I found on his computer he was on porn 2 times even with all the sex. He said he just looks to see what they do and how he can do stuff to me. He is very shy about telling me what he wants in bed do to past being told no. Should I be so upset like I amd about him watching porn or be okay with it? He doesn't do it like everynight and he still always wants to have sex with me. Also he asked me to stay up with after we put our son to bed which sleeps with us do to reasons. I would always go asleep when we put our son to bed, but trying not to so we could have alone time. Since that and me asking him to not watch porn there has been no porn. Help me ladies


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

If I were you, I would ask him what turns him on about watching porn and what he gets out of it. Use it as a way to get closer to your man and to understand him better instead of being judgmental to him for it. Also, try not to be upset about it because you being upset will make him close down and not be able to share this part of himself with you.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

helpme123 said:


> Okay ladies need some help. My husband has always watched porn even before me. He never had many GF's or sex so he used porn alot. We had a rough spot before when we wasn't having much sex and I caught him watching after I went to bed. He sometimes wakes up and can't go back to sleep so he goes downstairs and looks on the computer at different things and sometimes it is porn. We are having a great sex life and alot of it but I found on his computer he was on porn 2 times even with all the sex. He said he just looks to see what they do and how he can do stuff to me. He is very shy about telling me what he wants in bed do to past being told no. Should I be so upset like I amd about him watching porn or be okay with it? He doesn't do it like everynight and he still always wants to have sex with me. Also he asked me to stay up with after we put our son to bed which sleeps with us do to reasons. I would always go asleep when we put our son to bed, but trying not to so we could have alone time. Since that and me asking him to not watch porn there has been no porn. Help me ladies


I don't understand what the problem is. It sounds like you're okay with it in general and he's happy with you he loves you and it's not a substitute. I just think you should just let him do his thing and just love him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

I have asked him what he likes about it, he says he is curious and just wants to see different things and if he would want to try them. He also said he was seeing if there would be something he might think I would like. He doesn't always masterbate, now when he is away from me for work he does but we would have phone sex and sends pictures to each other to use so he wouldn't have to use porn so much. I don't have good self esteem and always feel like I am going to lose him, so I think in my mind he is wanting something different and might leave me cause he sees the women on there and want something more. I know I sound crazy just telling it all so maybe someone can give me some advice.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If he's watching it to get ideas then I think you should suggest watching it together and get ideas together.


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

Ok. I am clear now. If he doesn't have much experience, he us curious & trying to learn things to keep YOU interested. I think u might have it backward. He doesn't want to lose YOU. Watch together. Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

I was thinking that but I thought maybe I was wrong. Cause when the sex went up that was when I found the porn, and I know he did ask me if I liked it when we was doing it. I didn't put in any thoughts on that. I have been with more people then him in the past and he knows that. He also told me the other night that I have gotten sexier and look the best in my life. He has gained weight but I always touch him and tell him how sexy he is and I am telling the truth cause he says I am laying cause he knows he is fat. I guess I focus on me being the problem and that he isn't happy with me and that is why he watches. Maybe I have been looking at this all wrong, and I bet he thinks I am crazy lately


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do BOTH of you think you have a great sex life, or is it just you that's happy with it? And is that in terms of quality (variety, etc) and quantity? I'm not asking to be cruel or mean, but sometimes one spouse is happy and the other one isn't. You say he's been "told no"... By you, or by past partners? 

As someone else has said, perhaps watching porn together might be an option, if you're open to that. I rarely watch porn by myself anymore, because my GF likes to watch it with me.

C


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## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

I think we both think we have a great sex life, we have been doing more and trying new things just with the past weeks and he is always wanting to have sex and me the same so I say we both have great sex together. I have told him no in the past and he had sex less then 10 times in his past and said they didn't do anything just him on top and then be done. We have watched porn together some but he just wanted to turn it off and for us to have sex. Also to let people know we have a child with special needs. He has gotten better and doesn't need us all the time so we just now have been trying to work on our marriage and give each other more time. Also we have moved alot and been away from each other a good amount do to his job so our marriage has been through alot but still together.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

"no" is poison to marriage. Just sayin.


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## helpme123 (Aug 1, 2012)

Yes I understand it is, but that was years ago and our son was at his worst and just got diagnosed so my everything us on him, and I know that is not right but when something is wrong with your only child your focus and everything is on them. Also we just found out I couldn't have any more children so wasn't feeling sexy and I hoped my husband would understand which he said he did. So I think that is not the issue.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Honestly, let him have his porn and don't take it personally. In my opinion, porn is the sign that your man is dealing with his lust-in-overdrive in a healthy way. When you take that away from him, the straits get rocky.
A lot of men also get off on the idea of their secret stash. It's somehow dirtier and the dirtier it is the harder they....well you know. I am sure you know about the secret spank bank but don't let him know that you do. It's a big psychological thing.

There is nothing nothing NOTHING with a capital N..wrong with porn until it begins to replace you. You said everything was peachy in the sex dept. so live and let live.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

You need to ask him to stop for the good of your relationship


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## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

I tend to agree with Knoxvillekelly. From a guys perspective, I believe porn to be insidious, I used to watch it all the time but realized that what initially drew me to it changed and I was looking at weirder stuff just because I could. It could be exclusive to me but when I stopped wasting time watching porn and focused on my wife the sex has only gotten better and better. 

If you're hungry why look at videos of people eating McDonald's? I'd rather the real thing. If that makes any sense ...


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I don't know what to say except be careful. For years my common-law husband watched porn and I knew that and it wasn't an issue whatsoever. We also used to watch it together sometimes and I enjoyed it. 

However, in the last two years, porn became a real problem for him and now he's more than likely addicted to it. It's one of the reasons we are breaking up/separated now because in addition to disrespecting my body in the bedroom so he can satisfy his urges for porn-style sex, he began having cyber affairs because he wants to act out.

His definitition of what is "kinky" is not pleasurable for most women I can assure you.

I think so long as the relationship is going good and you BOTH agree about how much (if any) porn will be watched and stick to that, have real intimacy in and out of the bedroom separate from the porn etc. then it's probably, maybe okay. 

However, my husband's porn went from typical guy stuff to addiction/unrealistic expectations as well as a drastic change to the kind of porn and amount of time spent on porn over time. Now he likes very taboo/fringe things and has very unrealistic expectations in bed. 

Be careful, keep an open dialogue and make sure you're both on the same page. It could be harmless or it could lead to problems in the future. Rigcol said that porn is insidious and he was right.

I never in my life expected to be going through this and up until I did, was skeptical that such a thing as porn/sex addiction even existed. I wish I'd been more diligent and sensitive to this in the past.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

helpme123 said:


> Okay ladies need some help. *My husband has always watched porn even before me. He never had many GF's or sex so he used porn alot.* We had a rough spot before when we wasn't having much sex and I caught him watching after I went to bed. He sometimes wakes up and can't go back to sleep so he goes downstairs and looks on the computer at different things and sometimes it is porn. We are having a great sex life and alot of it but I found on his computer he was on porn 2 times even with all the sex. He said he just looks to see what they do and how he can do stuff to me. He is very shy about telling me what he wants in bed do to past being told no. Should I be so upset like I amd about him watching porn or be okay with it? He doesn't do it like everynight and he still always wants to have sex with me. Also he asked me to stay up with after we put our son to bed which sleeps with us do to reasons. I would always go asleep when we put our son to bed, but trying not to so we could have alone time. Since that and me asking him to not watch porn there has been no porn. Help me ladies


Not uncommon; for some men, porn becomes their sex lives...you're not alone. My husband is very much like this. You'll get through it just fine as long as you keep lines of communication open and he doesn't attempt to lie or replace you with porn. Lying is also poison to a marriage. My best wishes to you.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

As long as it's not interfering with your sex life, his porn use is not your business.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I have found that issuing ultimatums to a grown man to NOT watch porn is like telling me to not buy that pair of shoes.

Ain't gonna work, doesn't work.

Some men just like looking at naked people and naked people having sex--sometimes it doesn't matter if they're getting it 10 times a day.

Sorry, but from my own personal experience with the issue, it is what it is. I gave up worrying about it and looking for it and my life is much more peaceful in turn.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Porn really wasn't an issue for me. I didn't like it but it wasn't an issue.

It didn't become an issue until 3-4 years ago. We stopped having sex and would go months at a time inbetween. I would come on to him, and he would blow me off and get down right nasty at times.

There was something wrong and i couldn't quite figure out what it was. I thought that there was another woman, but that turned up nothing. Then i found the mass amounts of porn, my husband starting hiding it. an that point it would have been easier to deal with another woman in the picture. (ok maybe not)

If you are not ok with him using porn then you need to tell him that you are not ok with it.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I also think it depends on the man. Some people can drink every weekend and not become alcoholics. Some can't. For people that don't have addictive personalities/impulse control problems in other areas, porn's probably not going to turn into an issue but I'll remember in the future to be wary about the ones that do tend to get hooked on other things more readily.... Just another thought.


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