# Taking a 'break' - don't know what to do..



## justneedsomehelp (Jun 23, 2014)

Hello, 
I've been married for almost 6 years and we've had our ups & downs.. However the last couple months have been tough. My husband said he needs to take little break and that he not happy with anything. He is staying with a friend of his, he says for a month to get away from everything for a bit. He took some of his clothes and left a couple days ago. I'm scared and crushed. He said before he left that he still loves me & that it is not the end; that he needs time away before he freaks out. 

I've tried to keep busy, but I've done a lot of crying the last few days. I feel lost & I don't know if he will ever want to come back. I didn't contact him though, wanting to give him space. He did text me yesterday asking if we can get together for dinner this week. And he said that he does miss me. We are supposed to meet tomorrow. 

I love him and miss him so much. I just don't know what to do or how to interpret things. Any thoughts or advice will be helpful.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Without information on what's been causing you friction, it's hard to give meaningful advice. But generally, find hobbies, make sure you eat well, start working out, get sleep, see a counselor if you think it might help. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Need more info in order to give you any suggestions.

Why were the last couple of months hard? Financial? Fighting? Sex issues?

Why does he feel like he is going to "freak out?"


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Normally "taking a break" is a bad sign. I hope yours turns out better.


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## justneedsomehelp (Jun 23, 2014)

more information: I don't know exactly what all the issues are - lack of communication and not finding time to enjoy doing things together. He says sometimes it feels like we are roommates. He hangs out with his friends a lot lately, but then has said that even with them he's not really happy. 

There has been some hard personal things too - he recently found out his younger sister who he had a falling out with has cancer w/ a 50/50 chance. An old close friend/mentor passed away back home. He was in an car accident that is causing a financial burden.

We are both busy, but when we do have time together I ask him to do things, go out & he doesn't seem to want to go. We end up just just hanging out at home or he goes out with his friends. When he left he did say that he took time off for our normal annivsary trip next month, if I still want to go. (which I do)

I know that I took for granted that he would always be there. I've never yelled at him or gotten mad. I try to support him no matter what.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you think he could be suffering from depression? Have you talked to him about counseling for the two of you? If he's feeling financial stress already, how is maintaining two homes any easier?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Oh, and the obvious one... I'm not saying he's cheating, but have you done at least a cursory look at phone records?

Btw... The fact that he still wants to keep in touch and do stuff with you is a good thing. Encourage that for now. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justneedsomehelp (Jun 23, 2014)

thank you for the responses. I haven't looked at any phone records. I don't think he would cheat on me, I do trust him. At some point I will have to ask him though...

He actually wants to get together tonight, he said he will come over. Dinner and to talk. So I guess I'll have to see what comes of that.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Please don't ask him. If he is, he'll likely just lie to you, and you'll never find out the truth. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I agree with PBear. Don't ask him. If that is not what is going on then he'll just be more upset you are questioning his loyalty. 

It does sound like depression to me too as I had taken a break from a very loving relationship as well because of how I was feeling. Or should I say, lack of feeling. I had nothing to give to my partner and it made me feel guilty on top of feeling depressed. 

However, with that said, your husband needs to articulate exactly what is going on. You are his life partner and him making this decision by himself that affects your marriage needs an explanation. Do not settle for "I don't know". He does know. And if he can't explain it then perhaps a marriage counselor can help. 

I understand his need to step away for a little bit to clear his head (if he is depressed) but I don't accept him not giving you a reason why. And neither should you. 

Good luck with the talk later. Let us know how it goes. 

((hugs))


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## justneedsomehelp (Jun 23, 2014)

Again, thank you for your thoughts. This is last night: He wanted to meet at our (i guess now my) apartment. He got there before I did. He told me at dinner that he actually had gotten there a couple hours before I got home. He said he just hung out and played with our dog.

We then met a restaurant close to the house - he suggested the place b/c it's where we usually go on Mondays. We had a nice time, just talked about what we did over the weekend, the u.s. soccer game etc.. He asked me a couple times if I was okay & I wanted to be strong and said good. He mentioned he liked the area of town he is staying now and thought maybe we could move closer to that area. At one point he asked something like what did I think about us - I did start to tear up a little & he noticed - but I stopped and just said that I miss you. He said that he misses me too, but it has ony been 3 days. 

As we went to pay, he held my hand and asked if 'we' are still okay. I don't really know what he meant.. I said yes... He walked to me car. Initated a hug and kiss, said he loves me and asked me not to forget that. He said he to call or text him anytime. 

About an hour later - probably when he got back to his place. He texted me that it was good to see me, hope i have a good night and he loves me.

Sorry for the long explanation - I know I shouldn't analyze everything. It somehow actaully feels good to to write this out. I'm going to do my best to take it one day at a time.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

I feel he's stringing you along. He might not be having an affair with someone else but sure as he'll he's having an affair with himself.

He just doesn't get to make unilateral decisions by himself. What was the point of him bringing up a new place to live? How will that solve HIS unhappiness by creating chaos in yours? That's not a fair trade in marriage. 

There needs to be clear, preset timetable on how the rest of your lives will be managed. Thirty days from the day he left seems fair. If he can't or won't get his act together then it's pretty much over by then.

In the meantime, gather around some good friends. You don't need to tell them everything but supportive shoulders come in handy. Re-assess your life. Are there things you'd like to change? Jobs, apartments, health, hobbies? 

Maybe he'll come back. Maybe he won't. Use this time as a measure of how you want your life to go.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

^^^ sounds like 0 progress to me!!!



justneedsomehelp said:


> My husband said he needs to take little break and that he not happy with anything.


This is THE MAIN thing you need to focus on right now. 

Ask him to tell you exactly what he is not happy with and what you can do better about it.

And listen closely, focus on it and do your best covering that end (assuming it's true/reasonable).

Chances are high that your happiness levels are low on few things as well. Bring those to the table and discuss as well.

Relationship is a 2 way street. You both need to make yourself happy and work on bettering yourselves to make the other happy.

It's all about compromise!!!

Also, him "checking out" is not acceptable. Tell him this is not right and you 2 need to communicate about the issues you have. Running away/hiding is not a good/adult way of dealing with problems. Quite the opposite.

What you are going through is COMPLETELY normal, and something that either makes or breaks relationships. 

PUT YOUR FINGER ON EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS!!!! AND WORK ON IT!!!!

Ignoring it/being passive aggressive/running away are all REALLY BAD signs from BOTH of your right now. 

Deal with problems as they come RIGHT AWAY. Issues are like snowballs rolling down the hill. The longer it rolls, the bigger it gets and bigger the crash at the bottom of the hill!!!


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

justneedsomehelp said:


> Hello,
> I've been married for almost 6 years and we've had our ups & downs.. However the last couple months have been tough. My husband said he needs to take little break and that he not happy with anything. He is staying with a friend of his, he says for a month to get away from everything for a bit. He took some of his clothes and left a couple days ago. I'm scared and crushed. He said before he left that he still loves me & that it is not the end; that he needs time away before he freaks out.
> 
> I've tried to keep busy, but I've done a lot of crying the last few days. I feel lost & I don't know if he will ever want to come back. I didn't contact him though, wanting to give him space. He did text me yesterday asking if we can get together for dinner this week. And he said that he does miss me. We are supposed to meet tomorrow.
> ...


I'm so sorry.

What else is he taking a "break" from? His job? his friends? 
family? hobbies & activities? or is it just you?

He may be depressed, he may be having an affair but the truth is he left you aka "taking a break." Committed, honest, mature partners communicate. They work on their problems. He's running from them.


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## justneedsomehelp (Jun 23, 2014)

Revamped said:


> There needs to be clear, preset timetable on how the rest of your lives will be managed. Thirty days from the day he left seems fair. If he can't or won't get his act together then it's pretty much over by then.


Thank you. I'm looking too hard for the positives I guess. At the beginning he said he said he was leaving for one month. So that will be the timetable. If he still doesn't know or if wants to continue to live apart after that, I will have to move on. Obviously not everything can be resolved in a month, but I would need to at least know that he wants to be with me and work on our marriage together.

Thank you Emerald - he is not taking a break from other things. He is just spending more time with his friends. Who are all single. I do feel hurt and wonder if he just likes the single life better - parting, going out whenever.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

justneedsomehelp said:


> Thank you. I'm looking too hard for the positives I guess. At the beginning he said he said he was leaving for one month. So that will be the timetable. If he still doesn't know or if wants to continue to live apart after that, I will have to move on. Obviously not everything can be resolved in a month, but I would need to at least know that he wants to be with me and work on our marriage together.


How is he or you resolving by moving away for one month?

I don't understand this at all.



justneedsomehelp said:


> Thank you Emerald - he is not taking a break from other things. He is just spending more time with his friends. Who are all single. I do feel hurt and wonder if he just likes the single life better - parting, going out whenever.


It almost seems like he is taking a break from this relationship so that he can do whatever he wants "with his single friends".

And you actually accept this.

:scratchhead:


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## WillinTampa (Jun 18, 2014)

justneedsomehelp said:


> Hello,
> I've been married for almost 6 years and we've had our ups & downs.. However the last couple months have been tough. My husband said he needs to take little break and that he not happy with anything. He is staying with a friend of his, he says for a month to get away from everything for a bit. He took some of his clothes and left a couple days ago. I'm scared and crushed. He said before he left that he still loves me & that it is not the end; that he needs time away before he freaks out.
> 
> I've tried to keep busy, but I've done a lot of crying the last few days. I feel lost & I don't know if he will ever want to come back. I didn't contact him though, wanting to give him space. He did text me yesterday asking if we can get together for dinner this week. And he said that he does miss me. We are supposed to meet tomorrow.
> ...


I think I understand how your husband feels. I love my wife, but I hate being married. 

That's hard for some people to understand. I'm not sure if I even do. Sometimes I just want to run away. The stress of everyday things but with no allowed distractions is becoming too much.

The institution of marriage says: "You made this commitment, you are stuck with it even if you didn't know what you were doing 20 years ago. Aaaaand, here's a big fat list of fun satisfying things you CAN'T EVER do again. Aaaaaand here's another list of people you must never be friends with or do anything with...

Marriage is fine for some people, its a living hell for others, even when you love your spouse. 

Some people do not belong married -- I'm one of them. 

I don't know what to tell you. 

.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

WillinTampa said:


> I think I understand how your husband feels. I love my wife, but I hate being married.
> 
> That's hard for some people to understand. I'm not sure if I even do. Sometimes I just want to run away. The stress of everyday things but with no allowed distractions is becoming too much.
> 
> ...


No you shouldn't be married. This is no longer about YOU, it's about BOTH OF YOU

I can't say that marriage has ever stopped me from having fun or doing whatever I wanted to do. 

Long list of people you can't be friends with is fine regardless if you are married or not. In marriage you see reality much better, while single you simply don't care who you are "friends" with and usually don't even know or realize if they are any good or not. And most people are crappy anyways so no problem there.

You seem too selfish for marriage...


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

WillinTampa said:


> The institution of marriage says: "You made this commitment, you are stuck with it even if you didn't know what you were doing 20 years ago. Aaaaand, here's a big fat list of fun satisfying things you CAN'T EVER do again. Aaaaaand here's another list of people you must never be friends with or do anything.



Wow, what a big pile of horseshi*.

Nowhere, in any vows I have seen or heard of, said being married leads to lists of things to do or not do.

What is this "no distractions" rule? That you aren't supposed to go around and **** other people while married? Well, boo-****ing-hoo. 

You want distractions? Go to a nursing home and find the longest married couple and ask them their secret. Visit the gravesite of a soldier and then ask their spouse if you could trade places. Or better yet, file for divorce so your wife is rid of the baby-man she's STUCK with.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

:iagree: :smthumbup:


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## muffin1983 (Sep 1, 2013)

justneedsomehelp said:


> Hello,
> I've been married for almost 6 years and we've had our ups & downs.. However the last couple months have been tough. My husband said he needs to take little break and that he not happy with anything. He is staying with a friend of his, he says for a month to get away from everything for a bit. He took some of his clothes and left a couple days ago. I'm scared and crushed. He said before he left that he still loves me & that it is not the end; that he needs time away before he freaks out.
> 
> I've tried to keep busy, but I've done a lot of crying the last few days. I feel lost & I don't know if he will ever want to come back. I didn't contact him though, wanting to give him space. He did text me yesterday asking if we can get together for dinner this week. And he said that he does miss me. We are supposed to meet tomorrow.
> ...


Hello Help:

I could have written this post 3 years ago. My husband also left me out of the blue to take time off but because he was depressed. He got the diagnosis a few days before he left and lived with his parents again as oppose to a friend.

I can't say I agreed with him moving out as it didn't resolve any issues. In fact, it made me feel less secure...like I couldn't rely on my own husband through the ins and outs of marriage.

My husband was gone for a period of about 4 months and things that I did to keep my mind off things was to focus on me. I took my dogs for walks, cooked, bowled weekly, hung out with friends. I also saw a counsellor to give me a little perspective on that it was ok that I was feeling abandoned and how to deal with a depressed spouse.

The unfortunate side effect of him leaving is I always think it may happen again and I wonder if I'll be strong enough to deal with it on my own again. (This incident wasn't the first time he left, he left the home another time but just for a week.)

I do have some questions. While he is gone - was there an agreement on communication? E.g. Call each other every few days. Also, financially, is he still helping with the household? What happens when he returns? Counselling together? Life go back to normal?

The last question stands out for me because I don't believe in taking "breaks" like that during marriage especially since it sounds like he wants to live the single life again. I believe in trying to get through things together and this break could have a bigger impact on your marriage than your husband has considered.


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## justneedsomehelp (Jun 23, 2014)

DoF said:


> How is he or you resolving by moving away for one month?
> 
> I don't understand this at all.
> 
> ...


I don't know what taking a month apart is going to help.. It has made me realize that I took him for granted - knowing he was always going to be there. There are things I can work on too, obviously I am not perfect either. Working less, make effort to spend quality time with eachother, more communication, speak up when I am upset. 

Yea, that's what I am starting to think he left me for his friends b/c he doesn't want to be married anymore. Although it was not like the above poster, I never said he couldn't go out or couldn't hang out with certain people. Not once did I get upset at him for going out; he went on guys trips etc.. And look where that has gotten me..

I am most hurt because I have stood by him through everything. He lost his job a couple times - I got 2 jobs. Legal trouble - I never waivered in my support. It hurts that he choose to leave.


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## justneedsomehelp (Jun 23, 2014)

muffin1983 said:


> Hello Help:
> 
> I could have written this post 3 years ago. My husband also left me out of the blue to take time off but because he was depressed. He got the diagnosis a few days before he left and lived with his parents again as oppose to a friend.
> 
> ...


Thank you Muffin, 
I am feeling some of that already - that if is his solution is to leave. Even if he does come back, will it happen again. I try to do the things you said. I have my dog - I don't know what I would do without her - even if that sound dumb. We go on walks and to the beach and park. I have family here. 

As far as communication, he said he still wants to talk. And to call or text anytime. He has texted me a couple times - about our plans to get together yesterday. Called me today - really just to ask something about the car. He gave me part of what he normally contributes to rent/bills for next month. We haven't discussed past that b/c he said it is just for a month. 

If he returns, I don't know. I guess try to start life back together again. Working on the things he has mentioned.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

justneedsomehelp said:


> I don't know what taking a month apart is going to help.. It has made me realize that I took him for granted - knowing he was always going to be there. There are things I can work on too, obviously I am not perfect either. Working less, make effort to spend quality time with eachother, more communication, speak up when I am upset.
> 
> Yea, that's what I am starting to think he left me for his friends b/c he doesn't want to be married anymore. Although it was not like the above poster, I never said he couldn't go out or couldn't hang out with certain people. Not once did I get upset at him for going out; he went on guys trips etc.. And look where that has gotten me..
> 
> I am most hurt because I have stood by him through everything. He lost his job a couple times - I got 2 jobs. Legal trouble - I never waivered in my support. It hurts that he choose to leave.


That's great and all but you guys still don't know what is bothering him/caused him to take this step.

And you continue to ignore it.

He might have simply taken this step because he is completely ignored. Chances are, he is simply waiting for you to ask him "what's wrong"?

Cause you seem not to care AT ALL. Even after me and other people pointed it out to you # of times......you ignored it all.

:scratchhead:

So again I will say, have you asked him what actually caused him to take this step? What is bothering him SO much about YOU that he went to such an extreme?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

All these posts and still not much to go on. I have to wonder about your sex life. Are you doing it on most days? Is it routine? Or is it a quicky once a month? Also, I wonder about his ego. Do you tend to put him down or build him up? When was the last time you complimented him? When was the last time he complimented you?


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## justneedsomehelp (Jun 23, 2014)

Wow, you guys are absolutely right. I wish I would have come here earlier - I might have been able to realize my mistakes and save my marriage. 

He does feel ignored and that it doesn't feel that me & him are a family. He doesn't like my family much and we live close to them. He said sometimes he feels like it is me & my family and then him seperate. The 'last straw' came the weekend b/f he left when my sister stopped by our house, knocked, didn't call first. He was upset - they got into it a little bit. I am not confrontational at all - I just try to keep peace. He was upset that I didn't more forcefully kick her out and stand up for him. I was upset at the time & felt he overreacted. My way to deal would have been exchange pleaseantires for a minute, say it's not a good time, have her leave, go on with evening. 

I don't ever put him down. I honestly don't think I've ever said a mean thing to him. I try to lift him up - when spirits are down reassure that everything will be okay. Come up with positive solutions. I compliment him, but probably not enough. He compliments me about the same. 

We have sex, less this last month b/c we have not been getting along. Its more routine, once a week. Sometimes less.

I do love him. I think he still loves me. I hoping we can fall in love again duirng this time - get some of the passion back. 

I need to make some changes, make sure he knows that I value him and still think he's amazing. I've been back to working out the last couple months. Which he says he has noticed. 

I have to work on being strong and showing him what we have is worth saving. Now I understand what I have been doing to make him feel otherwise.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

justneedsomehelp said:


> thank you for the responses. I haven't looked at any phone records. I don't think he would cheat on me, I do trust him. At some point I will have to ask him though...
> 
> He actually wants to get together tonight, he said he will come over. Dinner and to talk. So I guess I'll have to see what comes of that.


There is half a chance he has not cheated.
33% of both sexes cheat full out during the marriage.
17% did something like an EA, sexting....

Dont ever tell him you are suspicious. Just sniff around.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

there is another thread on here talking about "implied contracts", like you do one good thing for him, and then expect him to do something else good for you. If you do not get the reciprocation, you get pissed a little. If it happens a lot...you get pissed off a lot.

I think a stable and loving relationship has few of these implied contracts...you both do your individual things separately, and a FEW more important things together. That gives individuals a little "space", or at least the illusion of space. So you don't have a spouse taking off for a month to "think things out".

I would say try to do the dinner with him without any expectations. Don't heap lots of stuff into a one hour dinner. Just go to have fun, light conversation, be a little flirty, make it fun. Sure you have a THOUSAND questions and worries, but this is not the time to bring them up. Make it a fun "date night" with no serious talk. See if that brings him back home. 

Some guys love being married, but subconsciously worry about loosing their freedom. Show him by your actions that there is nothing to worry about...he can have his freedom AND be married to you at the same time

Good luck. Go get 'em babe.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

justneedsomehelp said:


> It has made me realize that I took him for granted - knowing he was always going to be there. There are things I can work on too, obviously I am not perfect either.


I think you need to give yourself a break with this one sweetie, so you took for granted that your husband would always be there through the ups and downs of marriage. Don't we all do that sometimes?

Marriage has it's hard times, that's when you pull together, not away from each other.

I'm sure there are things you could have done better as a wife. I'm sure there are things I could do better as a wife. And you know what? I'm sure there's things that both your husband and mine could do better too. WE'RE ALL HUMAN. No such thing as the perfect wife or husband.

I think you're doing the right thing not hounding him with phone calls and texts. He asked for space, so you're respecting that, but still being receptive when he contacts you. I think that's a good thing.

I feel for you, if you two do resolve this counselling is a must. You need to be able to trust that he won't bolt for the hills every time something rocks the boat.


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## WillinTampa (Jun 18, 2014)

Revamped said:


> Wow, what a big pile of horseshi*.
> 
> Nowhere, in any vows I have seen or heard of, said being married leads to lists of things to do or not do.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry if I peed on your Pollyanna fairytale view of marriage.

I'm being honest if you don't like that -- FU

BTW: where do get off bringing in a dead solder into this just to invoke some emotional response? -- That's low--you're a POS.


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## WillinTampa (Jun 18, 2014)

DoF said:


> No you shouldn't be married. This is no longer about YOU, it's about BOTH OF YOU
> 
> I can't say that marriage has ever stopped me from having fun or doing whatever I wanted to do.
> 
> ...


I've got news for you, there are a lot of quietly unhappy people who feel trapped in marriage precisely because they are not selfish.

your husband may be one of them.

I've been a faithful husband and responsible father for 27 years. I've sacrificed a lot for my wife and children because it was my job and accepted responsibility -- I've earned the right to feel any way I want.

If you don't like what I have to say or it threatens your little world ---tough.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

WillinTampa said:


> I've earned the right to feel any way I want.


I agree. You do have the right to feel angry and bitter with your marriage. I just don't see why you'd want to though. 

It's marriages like yours to teach me how much more fulfilling it is to work at my marriage as to not become like you.

Thank you for showing me how blessed I truely am.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

WillinTampa said:


> I've got news for you, there are a lot of quietly unhappy people who feel trapped in marriage precisely because they are not selfish.
> 
> your husband may be one of them.
> 
> ...


First of all, I'm a male/husband....not a wife/female.

If you feel trapped and not happy, clearly you shouldn't be married and file for divorce.

Marriage/relationship should make you happy....not miserable. Clearly something is very wrong in your marriage for you to feel the way you do.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

justneedsomehelp said:


> Wow, you guys are absolutely right. I wish I would have come here earlier - I might have been able to realize my mistakes and save my marriage.
> 
> He does feel ignored and that it doesn't feel that me & him are a family. He doesn't like my family much and we live close to them. He said sometimes he feels like it is me & my family and then him seperate. The 'last straw' came the weekend b/f he left when my sister stopped by our house, knocked, didn't call first. He was upset - they got into it a little bit. I am not confrontational at all - I just try to keep peace. He was upset that I didn't more forcefully kick her out and stand up for him. I was upset at the time & felt he overreacted. My way to deal would have been exchange pleaseantires for a minute, say it's not a good time, have her leave, go on with evening.
> 
> ...


I still feel you are being selfish and continue to ignore great advice that's been given to you.

What YOU feel about yourself is IRRELEVENT. What YOUR HUSBAND feels about you is what matters. ASK HIM what the problem is and focus on those first and foremost.

Also, make sure you tell him you love him and appreciate him on daily/every few days basis. This is important. 

As for sex, it's a HUGE concern and probably a high chance it's a HUGE issue for your husband. Sorry but once a week is NOT enough to keep most men happy. More like 5-7 times a week (or whatever it is that your husband desires/wants). It's something YOU need to ask him.

First, you need to change the way you think. 

You seem way too self centered/selfish. Focus on what your husband's issues are with you and work on them, this is THE only thing that will save your marriage at this point.

Work on your own problems after you address the priority (if you would like). Your husband is your priority!!!

This is not about YOU, this is about your marriage/as a unit.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

Maybe I am just a blunt person, but how do people go day in day out in a bad situation and not speak up? If you aren't spending enough time with your spouse, why don't you do something to make a change when it first becomes a reality? If you want something that you are not getting, why don't you speak up? I think that when you stay silent, it leads to resentment and hard feelings. Not something that will help a marriage. OP, you need to follow the above advice of others and ask your husband, what is the f****** problem? Otherwise, it will continue to be a problem. And please, STOP making excuses for his behavior. If you think it is bad, tell him that!!


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

IMO if it was enough for him to leave...its either and affair or he is trying to get through to you and you have not heard him or responded.

Or he is on his way to divorcing you.

Either way its not good unless you can find out exactly what his deal is.

Think back to things he mentioned and you failed to respond.


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## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

To the OP: 

The only time I think a break is acceptable is when one of the spouses needs to get away from a specific, concrete problem that the other has been causing and seems unable to fix (alcoholism, etc.). You don't seem to have any issues like that--and he seems to be VERY confused about what exactly he is taking a break from, but to be fair, we're only getting your side of the story. 

He has severely damaged your trust by upping and leaving, and when you get back together he will have to work hard to earn it back. Like one of the PP's suggested, I think you will be worried about this happening again for a long time. 

Maybe he did feel guilty that he was depressed and not able to give the marriage what it needs, but that happens in everyone's life at some point and he should have just talked about it with you instead of fleeing. He sounds immature, and his "it's only been 3 days" response seems cold-hearted to me--like he's stringing you along and having these meetups to make sure you're still there. Plus, instead of being a good listener and being compassionate about your hurt feelings of being abandoned, he whisked them away with the lame explanation that you "shouldn't" feel that way. I would be LIVID!


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

taking a break...if that means shtooping other women...I would lower the boom on him. If it means he needs some time alone to think, pack his camping gear, and offer to drive him up to a trail head and pick him up in a week or two. THAT might actually benefit the marriage.


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