# Just 3 months into marriage and sex life sucks



## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

Hey guys.. 
i'm kinda new to this forum, stumbled across it while tryin to search answers for my queries on the web. read a few posts and thought maybe wat i need is some advice from all you out there.
it maybe a little lenghty but please bear wit me..

lemme brief you about my story..
i'm a gal, just married 3 months ago to the person who seemed to be just right in every aspect. well... we knew each other since childhood, not like the bestest buddies but ya kinda good friends.
i've been in a couple of relationships before and so has he, but wen we were single again durin the same period of time, we thought after all these years of knowin eachother maybe we should give a chance for a relationship to develop between us.. so we dated eachother exclusively for like 6 months and the time we spent was amazing, he proposed marriage, i was more than glad, so we jumped into wedlock with happy acceptance from our families.
weddin was beautiful. so was sex during the first month. but as days passed sex was reduced to not more than twice a week. wenever he asked for sex i've always given it and loved it. off late, it's always me who initiates it and get rejected for most of the times, him sayin he's tired or lets keep it for some other day or he simply walks out of the room.. :scratchhead:
i've tried all i could to get him in the mood but i fail. wen he agrees, its more like a task for him. i love him a lot and i've tried talkin to him but he says everything is fine. so now i've also given up tryin to lure him, just to see him happy.
its more than two weeks since our last session. and he has no problems watchin porn and servicing himself as and wen he wishes. it hurts wen so short time into marriage and such a condition to face with no idea wats wrong
we both have good jobs and everythin in life is going great except SEX [


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## Tropical (Jul 15, 2011)

May be there is something very tiny as a problem what he dislikes in your way or in your body. If you get him to be 100% honest with you, you can fix it and everything will be okay.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Nadine said:


> Hey guys..
> its more than two weeks since our last session. and he has no problems watchin porn and servicing himself as and wen he wishes. it hurts wen so short time into marriage and such a condition to face with no idea wats wrong
> we both have good jobs and everythin in life is going great except SEX [


Are you saying that he's masturbating and using porn while depriving you? If so that has to stop, it's not healthy, loving or right to deprive your partner for porn.

You may want him to have his testosterone levels checked out by a doctor. It's possible that in all the excitement of dating and early marriage that he was riding a sort of high, and now that you've started settling into a life together something's manifesting that wasn't apparent before.


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## ladybug3912 (Apr 3, 2012)

You may want to speak to him about how you feel. I find that this is the best way to start. Its possible that he doesnt know that he is hurting your feelings by not having sex. With that being said, I would go a step further, and explain to him what you need in terms of intimacy and sex. 
Have you tried any of this yet?


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## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

ladybug3912 said:


> You may want to speak to him about how you feel. I find that this is the best way to start. Its possible that he doesnt know that he is hurting your feelings by not having sex. With that being said, I would go a step further, and explain to him what you need in terms of intimacy and sex.
> Have you tried any of this yet?


have tried talkin it out with him and guess wat he has to say? "why are you so obsessed with sex? am i not keepin you happy in other aspects or am i givin you any kinda trouble? wen everythin else is fine why are you only bothered about this"

his reasons for not gettin cosy with me range from being tired, bored and even to the extent of being hungry so lets keep it for another day..
i've been sweet to him while talkin about this and there's no other issue troubling him. i dunno wat to do next or just play along like he wants it to be until probably some day he'l realize


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Nadine said:


> its more than two weeks since our last session. and he has no problems watchin porn and servicing himself as and wen he wishes. [


Sounds like a porn addiction if he won't have real sex but masturbates to porn.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Are you guys using sex as a substitute for communication? If so, it's time for a complete 180 and no pressure about sex. He may have a lower sex drive or be overwhelmed with stress/depression now that the relationship has taken this next step and you both have more struggles. 

It's far more likely that he was experiencing this before you tied the knot and you're just seeing both sides of him. I know I was the exact same way in the Navy coming home to my W from an exhausting 12hr day. I just wanted to get a bite to eat, ejaculate, and go to bed for the process to start all over again the next day. 

A few things I can advise you... Most important LEAVE HIM ALONE. When he comes home from work he isn't going to be as excited as you are, especially when he's taken a beating from his superiors for something stupid they delegated down the chain. The healthiest thing would be to give him a hug or say helo and allow him around an hour after he takes his shoes off to deal with his stress and come back to loving at home hubby.

This would be the perfect time for him to workout or get all the guy hobbies you can't stand out of the way. Things like a quick game on Xbox or a DVR show you can't stand where he can work out his aggression and get happy. I do not reccomend masturbation at this time. It may releave some stress but the testosterone lost could kill his motivation for the rest of the night. I speak from experience here, unless he wants to play with it and put it up before he releases it's not healthy for your sex lives. And if it's a problem you'll need to seek help for porn addiction before you emotionally check out.

You'll want to talk to him and tell him you'll give him the time he needs to cool off when he comes home, but after that you want to spend time together doing something fun. I can't tell you how many of my husband friends complain about not having this time to themselves. You can win him over by having something ready for him to eat or even re-heated left-overs a couple night a week. The most important thing is you both have your hobbies apart from work/house wife. It always seems that couples fight more at the 12hr mark of being together. So go read a book for an hour, do a workout dvd, or talk to your girlfriends about the things your men do that tick you off and work through things. 

Just pull back for a while and see if his attitude changes. He won't tell you how insecure he feels at work because he doesn't want you to lose any respect for him. And if you pester him he will just shut down or get defensive, but if you let him come to you and keep a happy attitude he will let his guard down and let you in. From that point you keep him faithfully yours by just showing you still appreciate him when he's upset, depresed, hairy, impotent, gross, or a jerk. It's up to you to be his something special to come home too and not another argument he drags his feet to greet at the door.

Good luck hon:smthumbup:


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Nadine, I feel your pain!

I have to say it really pis*ses me off when I hear this from a woman. Where were these women when I was younger and single?

I've never rebuffed an advance from my wife except one time when I was super pis*sed at her (it also helps that she intiates about once every year or 2!)


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Was there ever any real passion?


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## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

thanks Nsweet for caring to write such a detailed reply.. your advice is appreciated.
no issues at work for him, no worries about money as we both come from well to do families and earn quite well at our jobs too; like i've said before life seems perfect for us in every aspect except this issue. he just has to put in 6hrs of work for 5 days a week and doesn't carry any work home. i too work just about the same number of hours. its me who cooks at home and takes care of everythin about the house. all i ask for is love in return. and all he does is spend time in front of the computer or the tv, sleepin or hang out wit friends.
i don mean to brag about myself but i do look pretty attractive going by the number of admirers i've turned down over all these years. H himself has told me he had a longtime major crush on me wen we were in our teens but never dared to approach me, then and life moved on until i was back in his life. me and H are both in mid twenties, supposed to be so totally in love, so wats keepin him away from me???
i've rarely ever argued with him on any matter and never been rude even wen he keeps away. i've pulled back on everything related to sex with him but keepin the love and caring going on.. the latest update in our relationship is that he doesnt care to kiss or hug me wen about in the house or wen we wake up in the mornin nor wen we part for work and is always findin excuses to avoid me wen i try to. maybe he's just plain bored of me.

i want our relationship to work because i really really love him. i'm willing to just wait, to give him all the time he needs to want me the same way that i want him.


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## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Nadine, I feel your pain!
> 
> I have to say it really pis*ses me off when I hear this from a woman. Where were these women when I was younger and single?
> 
> I've never rebuffed an advance from my wife except one time when I was super pis*sed at her (it also helps that she intiates about once every year or 2!)




 
there exist men who have similar problem and there are women as well facin the same but probably the ways of nature dont let them happen to bump into eachother :lol:


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

I think the problem began with marriage. Marriage and sex are kinda like oil and water. It tends to lack priority and gets pushed to the back of the line by things like bills, work, stress, being nagged, etc..


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## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Was there ever any real passion?




did seem like there existed a fire of passion between us until the marriage turned a month old


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## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

Bandit said:


> I think the problem began with marriage. Marriage and sex are kinda like oil and water. It tends to lack priority and gets pushed to the back of the line by things like bills, work, stress, being nagged, etc..




losing priority occurs so soon into marriage? never thought so. especially so wen i've said that we dont need to worry about work or finance in any way atleast probably for the rest of our lives.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Maybe he is just bored?


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## Fed up (Apr 9, 2012)

Nadine said:


> have tried talkin it out with him and guess wat he has to say? "why are you so obsessed with sex? am i not keepin you happy in other aspects or am i givin you any kinda trouble? wen everythin else is fine why are you only bothered about this"
> 
> his reasons for not gettin cosy with me range from being tired, bored and even to the extent of being hungry so lets keep it for another day..
> i've been sweet to him while talkin about this and there's no other issue troubling him. i dunno wat to do next or just play along like he wants it to be until probably some day he'l realize


This sounds JUST like my husband! I am "obsessed" as you say because you never give it to me and I am so frustrated and stressed out I want to shoot myself!
Yet if I really was addcited to sex as you say I would not be here in bed with you getting ignored. I'd be out getting some from somewhere.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Sounds like you just married a jerk. Consider that this problem will likely not get better anytime soon. 

In your case he either is bored or he has a problem with porn and managed to hide it while courting you.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Nadine said:


> Hey guys..
> i'm kinda new to this forum, stumbled across it while tryin to search answers for my queries on the web. read a few posts and thought maybe wat i need is some advice from all you out there.
> it maybe a little lenghty but please bear wit me..
> 
> ...


Sounds nice always great to hear those stories of people who knew each other for year's before marrying. 

I think you should try marriage counseling and have a deep talk a SIT DOWN with him like tomorrow or soon and ask him what is wrong? he needs to be serious to you and tell you the truth of what it is. The way the male is wired we are not supposed to not be into sex unless we are (sick, truly tired, something wrong with our penis/testicles, or we are not into the woman). Hopefully its he is sick (nothing serious) or he is truly tired. If you find out he is no longer attracted to you than their is not much you can do other than marriage counseling but even than that can only do so much.

For a truly happy marriage you need passion, commitment, intimacy. That is what some refer to as the "consummate" love or "true love". Many marriages fail cause they lack those three, you can however have a marriage with only commitment and intimacy but if their is no passion the marriage wont be enjoyable or "ideal".


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Nadine said:


> did seem like there existed a fire of passion between us until the marriage turned a month old


If you have done all you can and he still gives you half ass answers than this is a problem. 


It may honestly be that you two got married to fast you were maybe the girl who always liked for year's and you obviously found him descent and attractive in some form thus you married him. Maybe once he had you all the times in the past he dreamed of having you he thought nothing could go wrong and thus he married a girl he truly cares about and he loves you but overtime and after having it all he realizes the passion is not there and that the true love is not there for him.


That might be a thing. I know two couples who grew up or knew each other in HS and got married. First couple after year's of being friends and having liked each other in the past but never dated tried it and blew up with passion and love they married and are still together they took it slow. The second similar thing but they were the ones who knew each other much longer from before high school and they tried dating liked it but (imo) married to fast and are now divorced they had to try it out to see what it was like to date but maybe they pushed it to fast.


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## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

Fed up said:


> This sounds JUST like my husband! I am "obsessed" as you say because you never give it to me and I am so frustrated and stressed out I want to shoot myself!
> Yet if I really was addcited to sex as you say I would not be here in bed with you getting ignored.I'd be out getting some from somewhere[/I][/I][/I][/COLOR].


oh boy sometimes i do feel like - gettin it from somewer els is the option i should choose. but thats somethin i cant do ever ever ever. i love him and want only him to have me. i'm left hopin only if he could realize how much i love him and be a husband to me in every way he could be


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## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

he was such a nice person and a good friend all my life that i'd known him.. how could someone change like this


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## Nadine (Mar 28, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> If you have done all you can and he still gives you half ass answers than this is a problem.
> 
> 
> It may honestly be that you two got married to fast you were maybe the girl who always liked for year's and you obviously found him descent and attractive in some form thus you married him. Maybe once he had you all the times in the past he dreamed of having you he thought nothing could go wrong and thus he married a girl he truly cares about and he loves you but overtime and after having it all he realizes the passion is not there and that the true love is not there for him.
> ...




yeah maybe we took it too fast towards gettin married.. but i decided it cause i totally loved him and i dint wanna see myself with anyone else other than him for the rest of my life and thats exactly how he felt too (or thats wat he told me all the time). it was his decision first, so its not like i pressured him into this marriage. i really dunno where this is heading towards. i don want us to end up with a divorce.. hell we married just 4 months ago!!

i've tried to leave him sweet msgs on his phone, a love you note under the pillow, wear the sexiest possible stuff around, prepare food for him every single day and often his favourite dishes, been nice to his folks wenever we visit or they do, i've been tryin to be everythin that a husband would like his wife to be. but all this either goes unnoticed or unmentioned. 

we don go out in the weekends, we don have a dinner anywer out, we havent had a short trip, we haven't watched a movie together all this while, i'm always suggesting and he's always denying.. 

TRIED talkin to him and TIRED talkin but as always the answer is nothing's wrong. i'm tryin to give him his space and keepin out of his circle that he's built around him so that he's happy.

i'm losin my strenghth to face all this, everyday is becomin much strainful for me than yesterday was. i feel like we are two strangers living under one roof. i'm growin weaker and tired but still i'm hoping him to turn back into the same wonderful person i fell in love with.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Start counseling without him. At LEAST you could get some coping strategies, while you figure out what to do.... or figure out what the heck his problem is. 

Work on you... do things that enrich your life. Go to a movie without waiting for him....do things that make you happy. It seems kind of awkward and the opposite of getting closer at first.... but really, you can't make him change. And waiting around for him to wake up is fine...but waiting around and rotting is not fine. 

Hang in there...take care of yourself.


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