# Why is he delaying finalising the divorce?



## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

My husband and I were granted our decree nisi on 9th September. This made us eligible for our absolute and finalising our divorce on 22nd October as long as nothing changed. Everything was amicable, the finances are being settled, I'm in the process of signing over the house ready for him to settle his pay out of equity. The financials were dealt with separate to the divorce process but it's all lodged with the courts now also.

We discussed the date he would finalise the divorce and agreed it would be the Saturday just gone. He didn't do it. I asked him in the morning to let me know when he did, he said he would. I chased him later in the day, he said it would be Monday and that he'd message me when it was done.... it's now Tuesday and he still hasn't done it.

What could possibly be his reasons for delaying? He's pushed the divorce through at breakneck speed so far. Could it be some kind of power play? Could it be regret? Could it be because we are finalising the financials? I'm struggling to think it's the last one since he's not communicating that to me.

I want to ask him what's going on, but if it's a power move I don't want to give him that satisfaction. But by the same token, I'm refreshing my emails every 30 minutes to see if it's done (since we filed online and I will get a notification), and it's driving me up the wall! lol


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

MarmiteC said:


> …and it's driving me up the wall! lol


I understand. Waiting is hard and unsettling. 😞💕


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

MarmiteC said:


> My husband and I were granted our decree nisi on 9th September. This made us eligible for our absolute and finalising our divorce on 22nd October as long as nothing changed. Everything was amicable, the finances are being settled, I'm in the process of signing over the house ready for him to settle his pay out of equity. The financials were dealt with separate to the divorce process but it's all lodged with the courts now also.
> 
> We discussed the date he would finalise the divorce and agreed it would be the Saturday just gone. He didn't do it. I asked him in the morning to let me know when he did, he said he would. I chased him later in the day, he said it would be Monday and that he'd message me when it was done.... it's now Tuesday and he still hasn't done it.
> 
> ...


A final play at power might be at the root of his delay. He knows it's pissing you off.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

minimalME said:


> I understand. Waiting is hard and unsettling. 😞💕


I'm impatient now! Lol 😆


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> A final play at power might be at the root of his delay. He knows it's pissing you off.


Ugh, then I shan't ask. 

Interesting thought... if he doesn't do it before I sign over the house, since I let him have it for way less than half the equity, I could file a motion to stop the divorce and then renegotiate for half again...... 😬


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

MarmiteC said:


> Ugh, then I shan't ask.
> 
> Interesting thought... if he doesn't do it before I sign over the house, since I let him have it for way less than half the equity, I could file a motion to stop the divorce and then renegotiate for half again...... 😬


Tell him that. Give him a deadline to get it done or you will do just that.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

jonty30 said:


> Tell him that. Give him a deadline to get it done or you will do just that.


It's a lovely thought but I can't be bothered with the games. It's why I let him have it for a low amount in the first place. None of us are getting any younger and I just wanted us both to move on swiftly.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

MarmiteC said:


> Ugh, then I shan't ask.
> 
> Interesting thought... if he doesn't do it before I sign over the house, since I let him have it for way less than half the equity, I could file a motion to stop the divorce and then renegotiate for half again...... 😬


I wouldn't let him drag his feet as he pleases and pretend I wasn't eager to finish everything, I would be swift and direct with him -- "I'm ready to move on and so are you. Finish this like you said you were going to", or "No more excuses or waiting, we need to be divorced", etc.

It's not you playing his game if you are clear and expect him to DO what he said he wanted.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Lol, we just had a discussion over it as I need the marriage certificate to sign over the deeds to the house (land registry is in my maiden name).... he then said he'd like to do the absolute before this weekend. Apparently he was busy last weekend 😆


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@MarmiteC, 

It's my understanding that if he doesn't follow through, that you can file for the absolute after X number of months. I think it's 6 months but don't quote me on that. And you know how there's like 2 months waiting period for the decree nisi? Those months count! So if he does doink around, you can take care of business yourself if needed. 

Yeah it never ceases to amaze me when people treat their spouse SOOO horribly, rush through separating and filing, but then when push comes to shove...they'll drag their feet! Why? Obviously they wanted out--and fast--so do it already! LOL Oh well, who knows why. It happens so often, and yet I still feel like it is so illogical!


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Affaircare said:


> @MarmiteC,
> 
> It's my understanding that if he doesn't follow through, that you can file for the absolute after X number of months. I think it's 6 months but don't quote me on that. And you know how there's like 2 months waiting period for the decree nisi? Those months count! So if he does doink around, you can take care of business yourself if needed.
> 
> Yeah it never ceases to amaze me when people treat their spouse SOOO horribly, rush through separating and filing, but then when push comes to shove...they'll drag their feet! Why? Obviously they wanted out--and fast--so do it already! LOL Oh well, who knows why. It happens so often, and yet I still feel like it is so illogical!


It's 3 months after we're eligible. Still a pain in the butt. He claims now it'll be this weekend. 😑


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MarmiteC said:


> My husband and I were granted our decree nisi on 9th September. This made us eligible for our absolute and finalising our divorce on 22nd October as long as nothing changed. Everything was amicable, the finances are being settled, I'm in the process of signing over the house ready for him to settle his pay out of equity. The financials were dealt with separate to the divorce process but it's all lodged with the courts now also.
> 
> We discussed the date he would finalise the divorce and agreed it would be the Saturday just gone. He didn't do it. I asked him in the morning to let me know when he did, he said he would. I chased him later in the day, he said it would be Monday and that he'd message me when it was done.... it's now Tuesday and he still hasn't done it.
> 
> ...


To make life hard for you.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Is there a reason you can't do it?

Over here, once the decree nisi is granted, the decree absolute goes through automatically one month and one day later, unless one of the parties tries to stop it.


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

frusdil said:


> Is there a reason you can't do it?
> 
> Over here, once the decree nisi is granted, the decree absolute goes through automatically one month and one day later, unless one of the parties tries to stop it.


Unfortunately I don't get that power as he was the divorce petitioner and I was the respondent. I get the opportunity after 3 months from the date he was eligible. Ugh!


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

Well, it happened on Friday. I am officially divorced.

I went through a whole range of emotions from distraught to celebratory. 

I keep catching myself thinking 'wow, you're divorced' and that comes with a little moment of fear. Now onto the next chapter of my life......


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

MarmiteC said:


> Well, it happened on Friday. I am officially divorced.
> 
> I went through a whole range of emotions from distraught to celebratory.
> 
> I keep catching myself thinking 'wow, you're divorced' and that comes with a little moment of fear. Now onto the next chapter of my life......


You are describing exactly how I have been feeling as I wait for the degree to be finalized!

You are exactly correct -- on to the next chapter!!!


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## MarmiteC (Jun 28, 2021)

LisaDiane said:


> You are describing exactly how I have been feeling as I wait for the degree to be finalized!
> 
> You are exactly correct -- on to the next chapter!!!


I know for some it's good riddance. Not for me.

I hope you get your decree soon, the waiting is tough.


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