# Serial cheater - am I a chump?



## MamaDub (May 11, 2021)

My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have 3 children. He has cheated on me 3 times that I know of, although I suspect it has been more. He had a "friends with benefits" for awhile (stopped when I found out), then an actual relationship with someone he worked with for around 2 years (again, stopped when I found out). I honestly have no excuse for why I stayed ... he always managed to convince me that he actually loved me best and that the life we have together is worth saving. 

Anyways, I recently found out he had a one night stand with a much younger co-worker about a year ago. He contracted chlamydia from this young lady without knowing and then passed it on to me. I was completely in the dark about the whole thing until I went to the doctor for treatment for an unrelated infection and was tested ... talk about an unpleasant surprise. 🙄 He obviously had no choice but to come clean and now I want a divorce but he does not.

My question is am I really a _complete_ moron to stay with him? He has been doing things this time around that he has never done before, like individual therapy and going to church. He claims to be extremely sorry and totally disgusted with himself (not that I haven't heard this song and dance before ... ) He has "re-devoted" himself to me and the family and has been extremely attentive and affectionate. We have 3 young kids and I would definitely be taking them from a comfortable life in a nice home and a good school district to basically a life of poverty if we leave. There is tremendous guilt there, and of course, I would be lying if I said I don't still love my husband. Other than cheating and lying, he is a helpful, reliable partner and an amazing father. We have made a lot of beautiful memories in 16 years and I am scared and sad to give all that up. But I am also so tired of finding out he cheated yet again, and scared for my physical and mental health if I stay.

In your experience, can a serial cheater ever really change? If you have been in a similar situation, what are some things you regret/would have done differently/are really glad you did? I'm pretty sure a divorce is the best option but I'm totally lost amd miserable and need some guidance.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If that's your real picture, please change it to an avatar to protect your identity.

You are in a very dangerous place to attempt reconciliation.

I would initially advise against it.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Yes. No. N/A.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It all depends on whether you want to go through this time and time again and never be able to trust him or believe a word he says or not.
It's bad enough that he clearly isn't bothered about being faithful, but to knowingly pass on an STD to you rather than tell you what he had done was just awful.
You don't need to be the one to leave, he can, and he will need to pay a lot to you for child care as well as spousal maintenance. If you work as well there in no reason why you would live in poverty.
I can sort of understand giving him one chance, but he hasn't learnt a thing. Of course he doesn't want a divorce, why would he. He wants to have his cake and eat it. You say he is a reliable partner, no he isn't. He lies, cheats and deceives. He doesn't need therapy, he needs some moral values and integrity. The fact that he hasn't really faced any consequences hasn't helped, you just keep having him back.
Remember he has probably had far more affairs than you know about. Maybe set up a lie detector test.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I was married to a serial cheater who never wanted a divorce but who also never changed. I got out long after I should have so my answer to your question is: YES. I should have gotten a divorce the first time I caught him (my educated guess is there were several other times that I didn’t catch him) but he swore it would never happen again under any circumstances and I foolishly believed him.

The second time I caught him, years later, I got out. Why did I stay so long? I didn’t want to break up my family. I felt he would change. And — very important — I felt that he would be an absentee parent if I left. I found many other “reasons” (read: excuses) to stay after the first time. After the second time, I was just done. I’m glad I finally got out but I deeply regret staying as long as I did.

Serial cheaters are addicted to the excitement of the shiny new toy. That’s what they chase. He may love you as much as he’s capable of loving anyone but at the end of the day you’re still the known and it’s the thrill of the unknown that he’s after. Maybe he’ll change and maybe he won’t. I don’t recommend staying but if you do you shouldn’t ever trust him the way you did before. That’s asking for trouble.


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Why would he not cheat if he has lost nothing because you keep taking him back? He will not change. You can stay with him, but one day he will fall hard for another woman and he will leave you and your children for her. You want to wait until then to make him legally responsible for helping you support your children? That day always comes with serial cheaters that don't respect marriage and can't be monogamous.

Jjust saying what more than likely will happen. Wouldn't you want to take control of the situation now that you can actually find a better partner that is loyal and forsakes all others for you? Why are you wasting good years on a man that can't be yours? 

You two are married because you signed a marriage license. He has pooped all over you and your kids. He is a terrible and very unreliable husband because he isn't marriage material.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He has shown you repeatedly that he is a cheater. 
no, I don’t think that will change. I think if he stays going to church, a church lady will be his next exploit.
You are wasting years you could be with a good man. 
Realize that there are a lot of addicts that want to change. Few do.

The next disease he gives you may not be so easily curable.

Trick Me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me. You’ve been tricked 3 times you know of.

Take a look at the membership of your church. You can probably pick out his next target.


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Yes you should divorce. Yes he will cheat again.

He doesn’t respect you and you can’t trust him. He’s also completely willing to put your health at risk.

There is nothing to save. He can say he will change but history shows he won’t.

He isn’t sorry he cheated all those times - he’s only sorry you caught him.

Divorce him. I wasted 27 years with someone just like this - wish I’d gotten out much much sooner. 

Mine lived me as much as he was capable - but thought I would never divorce him. He mainly wanted a wife and a GF.

Some people are just plain greedy with a sense of entitlement and a lack of conscience. 

Stop wasting time thinking he will do different - he likely won’t.


----------



## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Yes OP, you are a moron if you stay. Whatever happened to " strike three.......YOU'RE OUT!!!"?


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Since you are forgiving of him having sex with other women, why not have an open marriage? He can do what he wants, you can do what you want and have sex with other men. Then you can both ride off into the sunset together. 

Seriously, I'm not suggesting that nonsense, but how would he respond if you suggested it? How would he respond if you told him that you desire other men, but you took your marriage vows more seriously? He'd blow a cork. 

Get out. Clean him out.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

MamaDub said:


> Other than cheating and lying, he is a helpful, reliable partner


Other than screwing 14-year-old girls and murdering people, Charles Manson was a worthwhile, productive member of society.



MamaDub said:


> In your experience, can a serial cheater ever really change?


I believe that no one is beyond the redemptive power of God. Qualified with "in my experience"....no....BTDT.... there was no change. She became a "dry drunk"....that was the only change. None of her thinking changed one bit.



Openminded said:


> Serial cheaters are addicted to the excitement of the shiny new toy.


Correct. And, there is a never-ending supply of "new toys"....



Evinrude58 said:


> if he stays going to church, a church lady will be his next exploit.


sitting in a chicken house won't make you a chicken..... and sitting in God's house won't make you Godly..... only if you begin "Standing on the Promises", not just "Sitting on the Premises"....

both of my WWs affair partners (the ones I found out about) were church-going, phylactery-toting, "whited sepulchres"



MamaDub said:


> If you have been in a similar situation, what are some things you regret/would have done differently/are really glad you did?


Instead of believing that God would reach her, and cause her to stop..... when she refused to call her OM and stop the affair as our Christian counselor handed her his telephone....I should have recognized that I was actually standing in God's way....I should have dumped her concupiscent a$$ 5 seconds after that refusal, bowed out, and let God shoot....


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You already know the answer.


----------



## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

Divorce. A serial Cheater will always do this. They have no respect for you or for your marriage.


----------



## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

So basically your husband wants an open marriage (potentially one sided) but never bothered to ask or tell you. That's a lifestyle that some are OK with and no judgements from me. Are you OK with that? Many here won't approve of something like that but I can imagine how it works for some. You do you.

The chlamydia thing IS highly concerning. Perhaps in an open marriage you can set ground rules and help control risky behavior or at least protect self. With a guy like this though what you know is likely just the tip of the iceberg...and no...he'll never ever change. He's just wired this way and it's his indulgence.


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

MamaDub said:


> Other than cheating and lying, he is a helpful, reliable partner and an amazing father.


If someone else wrote the above and you read it, what would you say to them? 

I'll give it a go:

He isn't a reliable partner if he cheats. He isn't a helpful partner; he gave you an STD - just thank God it wasn't an incurable or deadly one. _*This time*_. 

He isn't an amazing father, because he is cheating on his children as well as their mother - putting the entire family situation at risk. 

I'm sorry you're going through this, but you know what you need to do.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BigDigg said:


> So basically your husband wants an open marriage (potentially one sided) but never bothered to ask or tell you. That's a lifestyle that some are OK with and no judgements from me. Are you OK with that? Many here won't approve of something like that but I can imagine how it works for some. You do you.
> 
> The chlamydia thing IS highly concerning. Perhaps in an open marriage you can set ground rules and help control risky behavior or at least protect self. With a guy like this though what you know is likely just the tip of the iceberg...and no...he'll never ever change. He's just wired this way and it's his indulgence.


Well it's not an open marriage, he is cheating.


----------



## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Well it's not an open marriage, he is cheating.


Yes...of course it is. And yes it's terrible and unfair and violation of vows and trust for OP on several levels. Just illustrating that from his mindset...he's not interested in a monogamous traditional marriage. He's been lying about it all of course and yes cheating. He's been treating it like he's in an open marriage.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He may be somewhat treating it as an open marriage — really he’s just doing as he pleases — but that doesn’t mean that he wants her to do the same. And, no, cheaters don’t see the hypocrisy.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MamaDub said:


> My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have 3 children. He has cheated on me 3 times that I know of, although I suspect it has been more. He had a "friends with benefits" for awhile (stopped when I found out), then an actual relationship with someone he worked with for around 2 years (again, stopped when I found out). I honestly have no excuse for why I stayed ... he always managed to convince me that he actually loved me best and that the life we have together is worth saving.
> 
> Anyways, I recently found out he had a one night stand with a much younger co-worker about a year ago. He contracted chlamydia from this young lady without knowing and then passed it on to me. I was completely in the dark about the whole thing until I went to the doctor for treatment for an unrelated infection and was tested ... talk about an unpleasant surprise. 🙄 He obviously had no choice but to come clean and now I want a divorce but he does not.
> 
> ...


He is the prize chump in your relationship. See several divorce lawyers and pick the one who you think would be best for you and the children.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

How old are the children? Some wives are prepared to sacrifice 10-15 years of their life for the children and then get out of the marriage after that. My wife did that. Do you think you can bear that?


----------



## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

MamaDub said:


> My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have 3 children. He has cheated on me 3 times that I know of, although I suspect it has been more. He had a "friends with benefits" for awhile (stopped when I found out), then an actual relationship with someone he worked with for around 2 years (again, stopped when I found out). I honestly have no excuse for why I stayed ... he always managed to convince me that he actually loved me best and that the life we have together is worth saving.
> 
> Anyways, I recently found out he had a one night stand with a much younger co-worker about a year ago. He contracted chlamydia from this young lady without knowing and then passed it on to me. I was completely in the dark about the whole thing until I went to the doctor for treatment for an unrelated infection and was tested ... talk about an unpleasant surprise. 🙄 He obviously had no choice but to come clean and now I want a divorce but he does not.
> 
> ...


Well he’s proven to you that he won’t change after how many years of cheating? (Probably the full 16 or close to) So I think it’s time you believe him. Not his words, his actions. The actions that say he has relationships, flings, friends with benefits and one night stands. You are dealing with a man who will cheat on you for literally any warm female body that will allow it. That’s not something that can be “fixed”.

I find it sad that you don’t focus on your own pain and suffering because of what he does to you... like it doesn’t even matter as long as he “changes”.

Think about this. He saw what kind of pain he caused you the first time, and he did it again. He saw the pain he caused you the second time and he did it again. He knew the devastation it would bring, witnessed it with his own eyes, and then did it again. Does this sound like a guy who cares about you or gives the slightest **** about your pain? That isn’t something that’s “fixed” either.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

MamaDub said:


> My question is am I really a _complete_ moron to stay with him?


Yup.



MamaDub said:


> He has been doing things this time around that he has never done before, like individual therapy and going to church. He claims to be extremely sorry and totally disgusted with himself (not that I haven't heard this song and dance before ... )


He wasn't sorry and disgusted after the first two or during this on. Funny how they only become guilt ridden and disgusted with their actions AFTER they've had their good times.



MamaDub said:


> We have 3 young kids and I would definitely be taking them from a comfortable life in a nice home and a good school district to basically a life of poverty if we leave.


Will your children have a clean home (rental or owned) in good repair? Would they have food, clothes, and medical care? Then they wouldn't be in poverty.



MamaDub said:


> I would be lying if I said I don't still love my husband.


And this is the real reason you stay. Love is a hell of a drug. You're smoking Hopium. You love him, want to believe his lies and lines, because you hope he will change. After 16 years you know he won't. Put down the Hopium pipe. Love him if you must, but love him. Not the him you want him to be, but the him he actually is. And that guy is a serial cheater who will stop when he can't find a woman willing to drop her panties for him.



MamaDub said:


> Other than cheating and lying, he is a helpful, reliable partner and an amazing father.


Other than the giant hole in the bottom this is a great water bucket. And the only thing reliable about him is that he will reliably put his penis in someone else's vagina. Serial cheaters usually go one of two ways. They keep cheating because they enjoy the reliable spouse at home offering companionship and the advantages of domestic help or they keep cheating until they find someone they perceive as "better" and leave. Usually once the kids are older.



MamaDub said:


> In your experience, can a serial cheater ever really change?
> If you have been in a similar situation, what are some things you regret/would have done differently/are really glad you did?
> I'm pretty sure a divorce is the best option but I'm totally lost amd miserable and need some guidance.


A serial cheater rarely changes and almost never in the same relationship they were cheating in.

My exH was a serial cheater. After his 3rd or 4th affair I decided I was not bound by monogamy and also cheated multiple times. The marriage was a dumpster fire held together because there were 2 very young kids. I don't regret how things went down because I got my girls out of it and was in the right place at the right time to meet the love of my life. Otherwise, I'd regret the whole thing from beginning to end. I'm glad I left and exH is not my problem and hasn't been for years.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MamaDub said:


> My question is am I really a _complete_ moron to stay with him?


Depends.

If you honestly think that he's going to stop cheating then yes.

If, however, you're willing to accept that he's not going to stop cheating – regardless of what he says to the contrary – and stay with him regardless... well, in my opinion it's still a yes, but that's a decision you're gonna have to make for yourself.



MamaDub said:


> In your experience, can a serial cheater ever really change?


Most cheaters don't change, and serials never, ever, ever change.

Ever.

He's shown you who he is. It's time you believed him.

BTW, if you stay/let him stay, you should probably insist that he use condoms going forward, at least with you. You'd also be wise to insist upon regular STD tests.


----------



## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

If a life of poverty is one of the things that scares you, then do something about it. This isn't 1950, there are tons of options as far as getting skilled up. If you do decide to hang around another year or so until his next "mistake", at least start preparing yourself.

He's an "amazing father"...........except for how he treats the kids mother, small detail.


----------



## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

He's cheated 3 times that you know of and my guess it will be more than that. He's also given you an std. I would file for divorce because he is a serial cheater and always will be. You are worth more and deserve someone who doesn't sleep around and give you stds.

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

What are you planning to change?
He doesn’t plan to change a thing.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I was married to a guy I found out had been a serial cheater the entirety of our 21-year relationship. I divorced him as soon as I found out. He's still a serial cheater. The only difference now is that he's serially cheating on his second wife, rather than on me. And, yes, I actually do know that to be true. 

Serial cheating is not a "mistake" or a "phase". It's a lifestyle that results from the way the serial cheater is wired. They don't stop. It's just part of who and what they are.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Rowan said:


> And, yes, I actually do know that to be true.


How so?


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Sfort said:


> How so?


Because people don’t change.

I know my exH cheats on his current wife. There are certain predictable things he starts doing that mean he’s actively cheating... and when he starts doing them - I know he’s cheating.

I’ve called him out on it too - while he was married to her - and he just smirked - which means it’s true - that was also something he did when he was trying to get away with something he knew he shouldn’t be doing. 

So - sometimes we know a person well enough to see the signs that are familiar.

Cheaters cheat. That’s who they are.


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Beach123 said:


> Because people don’t change.


Then why do we have churches and schools?


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Sfort said:


> Then why do we have churches and schools?


What do churches and schools have to do with the behavior of a serial cheater?


----------



## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Beach123 said:


> What do churches and schools have to do with the behavior of a serial cheater?


You said people don't change. Churches and schools are in business to change people. If people don't change, why do we have them?


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

The only time people change is when they are super uncomfortable. 

If the person who needs to change is unwilling to make the changes - and is comfortable - they aren’t likely to change at all.

Church in those cases are just a cover... and an excuse to continue the bad behavior.


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Sfort said:


> You said people don't change. Churches and schools are in business to change people. If people don't change, why do we have them?


And churches and schools are in it to make money. Don’t kid yourself.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Sfort said:


> How so?


He's a relatively high profile person from a prominent family in a small town. People see him out with other women, know who he's running around with, know what he's up to when he travels for work or with his hobbies. And, since I'm not his wife anymore no one hides it from me anymore. 🤷‍♀️ 

As I said, it's a lifestyle for him. It's just how he's wired.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You can only be a chump if you allow it.


----------



## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

MamaDub said:


> My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have 3 children. He has cheated on me 3 times that I know of, although I suspect it has been more. He had a "friends with benefits" for awhile (stopped when I found out), then an actual relationship with someone he worked with for around 2 years (again, stopped when I found out). I honestly have no excuse for why I stayed ... he always managed to convince me that he actually loved me best and that the life we have together is worth saving.
> 
> Anyways, I recently found out he had a one night stand with a much younger co-worker about a year ago. He contracted chlamydia from this young lady without knowing and then passed it on to me. I was completely in the dark about the whole thing until I went to the doctor for treatment for an unrelated infection and was tested ... talk about an unpleasant surprise. 🙄 He obviously had no choice but to come clean and now I want a divorce but he does not.
> 
> ...





MamaDub said:


> My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have 3 children. He has cheated on me 3 times that I know of, although I suspect it has been more. He had a "friends with benefits" for awhile (stopped when I found out), then an actual relationship with someone he worked with for around 2 years (again, stopped when I found out). I honestly have no excuse for why I stayed ... he always managed to convince me that he actually loved me best and that the life we have together is worth saving.
> 
> Anyways, I recently found out he had a one night stand with a much younger co-worker about a year ago. He contracted chlamydia from this young lady without knowing and then passed it on to me. I was completely in the dark about the whole thing until I went to the doctor for treatment for an unrelated infection and was tested ... talk about an unpleasant surprise. 🙄 He obviously had no choice but to come clean and now I want a divorce but he does not.
> 
> ...


He will not change. My ex husband was a serial cheater. I did not find this out until we separated. I discovered one incident of infidelity when I was 5 months pregnant. He seemed remorseful. I forgave him and we tried to woke on our marriage and move forward. I found out a year after our son was born that he was back online talking to women. I confronted him and we have been separated since. He later told me that he had 3 extramarital affairs during our 5 years of marriage. HE WILL NOT CHANGE. As hard as it is to leave I know it's for the frigging best. I deserve way better than what my ex have me and so do you!


----------



## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Openminded said:


> I was married to a serial cheater who never wanted a divorce but who also never changed. I got out long after I should have so my answer to your question is: YES. I should have gotten a divorce the first time I caught him (my educated guess is there were several other times that I didn’t catch him) but he swore it would never happen again under any circumstances and I foolishly believed him.
> 
> The second time I caught him, years later, I got out. Why did I stay so long? I didn’t want to break up my family. I felt he would change. And — very important — I felt that he would be an absentee parent if I left. I found many other “reasons” (read: excuses) to stay after the first time. After the second time, I was just done. I’m glad I finally got out but I deeply regret staying as long as I did.
> 
> Serial cheaters are addicted to the excitement of the shiny new toy. That’s what they chase. He may love you as much as he’s capable of loving anyone but at the end of the day you’re still the known and it’s the thrill of the unknown that he’s after. Maybe he’ll change and maybe he won’t. I don’t recommend staying but if you do you shouldn’t ever trust him the way you did before. That’s asking for trouble.


Just out of curiosity did your ex do a lot of finger pointing at you? I am recently separated from my husband who is a serial cheater, and while he claims to have owned up to his actions he blames me for a lot of why our marriage fell apart. He is now dating and moved in with someone new 2 months after we separated and claims that he has not felt happy in a long time and this person makes him happy 🙄


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

RNSoSo said:


> Just out of curiosity did your ex do a lot of finger pointing at you? I am recently separated from my husband who is a serial cheater, and while he claims to have owned up to his actions he blames me for a lot of why our marriage fell apart. He is now dating and moved in with someone new 2 months after we separated and claims that he has not felt happy in a long time and this person makes him happy 🙄


Some. Mostly he blamed his mom for all his problems because she never loved him (untrue). He tried very hard to convince me to stay and when I made it clear I wouldn’t he immediately found someone new and soon moved in with her. The moment the divorce was final he married her. He told me he never thought he would be that happy again (five minutes after meeting her) and, yes, he felt he should keep me posted on how it was going. They are so predictable.


----------



## RNSoSo (May 19, 2021)

Openminded said:


> Some. Mostly he blamed his mom for all his problems because she never loved him (untrue). He tried very hard to convince me to stay and when I made it clear I wouldn’t he immediately found someone new and soon moved in with her. The moment the divorce was final he married her. He told me he never thought he would be that happy again (five minutes after meeting her) and, yes, he felt he should keep me posted on how it was going. They are so predictable.


Oh my gosh. Your ex sounds just as lovely as mine! Haha. When I confronted my husband after I found out the second time that he was back online he immediately said he wanted to do couples therapy. Keep in mind that he refused my requests for couples therapy after the discovery of the initial infidelity stating that he can handle things on his own. I denied his request for couples therapy and told him that we both have to do our own individual therapy before there is even a discussion of couple anything. He did not like that answer and the conversation was left at that. He came to me the next morning and said he wanted to separate. Turns out when I denied his request for couples therapy he reached out to this woman who he previously spoke with online and met up with her. This woman knows all about his serial cheating. Knows that when he originally contacted her he was lying about who he was and lying about being single and without a child, but apparently that's all fine in her book. She can have him!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@MamaDub How are things going?


----------



## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

MamaDub said:


> My question is am I really a _complete_ moron to stay with him?


Absolutely.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

@MamaDub, I can understand wanting to keep the family together and the comfortable home, but if he continues (he will) it will destroy you and what kind of mother will you become? Why can't you have a comfortable lifestyle? make your POS WH pay his dues, get a good bulldog lawyer and fleece him, he deserves it and your kids deserve to live in the comfort they are accustomed to. Go see a lawyer.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It’s like like I’m hearing the song Super Freak playing in my head but the lyrics are replaced with Super Chump.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Isnt it just a cost / benefit consideration? The OP has a known situation, aware SO is and will always be serial cheater. At same time OP has comfortable life style that SO evidently will continue providing. If the risk of catching a disease can be eliminated by never having sex with the cheater, maybe benefits of staying exceed costs? Only the OP can decide. 

If OP decides to go through the D merrygoround what is likelihood of next SO doing same thing? And how much more of life goes down drain going that route?


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> Isnt it just a cost / benefit consideration? The OP has a known situation, aware SO is and will always be serial cheater. At same time OP has comfortable life style that SO evidently will continue providing. If the risk of catching a disease can be eliminated by never having sex with the cheater, maybe benefits of staying exceed costs? Only the OP can decide.
> 
> If OP decides to go through the D merrygoround what is likelihood of next SO doing same thing? And how much more of life goes down drain going that route?


Absolutely, but if she can have a comfortable lifestyle (after a divorce) and move on with peace of mind too. Many are stuck due to financial considerations, but if the law enables her to be free but he has to cover the family, then why not just go


----------



## Meela (Sep 20, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> How old are the children? Some wives are prepared to sacrifice 10-15 years of their life for the children and then get out of the marriage after that. My wife did that. Do you think you can bear that?


I was thinking something similar. It seems like he may just be in it for the kids really, which is not completely bad because it is giving them the “life” you like, right? If you are going to therapy, church etc and have that outlet discuss how you feel there and express your concerns and see what happens… closed mouths can’t get fed. As far as the repeated cheating it may be a personal issue like an ego or mid life crisis but that can also stem from issues an individual had from childhood, relationships, the marriage etc. But we as humans can’t say that and if other people are in his or your ear will not see it or admit to it.


----------

