# Hubby lied about being Christian



## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

He knows that I want our kids to grow up as Christians and he's ok w/ that. He's ok w/ going to church although we don't go frequently esp. lately as we've been very busy and sick. I asked him so many times before if he really believes in God and he always assured me that he does and that he's Christian. Recently, he's been reading this book, "How Life Began" and he's now convinced that everything inc. people started from bacteria and there's no such thing as "God". This made me so mad as it's very important for me to raise our kids believing in God and it doesn't matter if it's another religion ie. Buddhist as I believe that we're all worshiping the same God. He told me that he had doubts believing in God over the yrs and now he's 100% convinced that there's no God. He was even at first trying to convinced me that God is BS and that I'm such a fool,etc.. and this made me even more mad! I'm not a religious person and infact I consider myself a Liberal Christian. All I want is to raise our kids believing in God (faith) and now I'm worried that sooner or later everything I've taught them will go down the drain and turned into Atheist coz their dad convinced them that we all came from bacteria. I have no problem w/learning Science,etc where we all came from but faith is another story. We argued the whole night about this. He said that he'll let me raise our kids as Christians and he promise that it's gonna be a secret between us that he doesn't believe in God. But I'm worried about when they're old enough to know and one day hubby might tell the truth and I know him, he's gonna manipulate them that God is BS,etc... Sometimes he sounds like an Atheist that was why I kept asking him if he really believed in God. He thinks we've sorted this problem out and that he'll keep his promise but I told him that I'm not happy about this and even now it's still bothering me. Told him that it's gonna be a war between us if he ever broke his promise. Oh yeah, his dad is an Atheist and a Philosopher who's not even a good dad to him. I told him that why does he look up to him if he's dad was abusive to him and never around and even now, his dad lives nearby but he never contacts him back or treat him like his son. I don't know what to do about this. I am still mad. Any opinions? Thank you.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

How long have you been married?

My advice, RUN and fast. The religion differences will likely not work at all. You will spend your time trying to convert him and he will try to do the same etc. It will just be a big mess and a vicious cycle. 

He is a liar and you see that now. He lied to about being a Christian and now he says if you have kids you can raise them as Christian and he is ok with it? I doubt it. If he lied to you from the beginning what makes you think he wont if you have kids. 

I find it funny how he is telling you, that you all can keep it a secret that he doesn't believe in God?! Sounds like he is ashamed of what he believes or doesn't believe in. Do you really believe he will keep it a secret? So whats your kids going to say when you go to church and you are raising them to be Christians and they have questions about WHY their dad isn't attending church or believing the way you and your kids do? They will have questions about it. 

Also do you want to be in a marriage based on lies and secrets? Thats how it seems right now.


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

I'll chime in because I am a Christian - a liberal one yes, but i believe I have a strong faith.

I'd be as ticked off as you. Unfortunately, some people cannot reconcile God and science. I sure can.

Let's just say that all life did ultimately come from bacteria. Who created the bacteria? Who created the DNA and RNA? Who designed the system? Who monitored the process? 

I believe in the theory of evolution because I believe that evolution was part of God's plan. I believe God created life in the very beginning and tended, and continues to tend, the process, subject to the gift of freewill to humanity, a gift we all too often abuse.

I think you will have to be patient with him. You can pray that your husband will re-discove his faith. I suspect that, based on his own father, he had a pretty shaky faith that could be easily dislodged. A lot of people are in that boat.

God works through nature, He works through people. He bless humanity with reason, skill and love. 

This past Sunday some of the kids at our church were, how shall I say, a tad noisy. Our congregation is very used to this and it doesn't seem to bother anyone. At the door, our parish priest [now folks, don't assume I am Roman Catholic, other branches of the Christian family have priests too] was mentioning about this and my reply was 'that's why God inspired humanity to invent public address systems'. Fr. John gave me two thumbs up.

Maybe your husband needs to read the right book from a liberal-Christian perspective.

For the record, I believe in dinosaurs, that they roamed the earth 60 million years ago and that they were created by God as part of his plan. 

God bless


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

trey69 said:


> How long have you been married?
> 
> My advice, RUN and fast. The religion differences will likely not work at all. You will spend your time trying to convert him and he will try to do the same etc. It will just be a big mess and a vicious cycle.
> 
> ...


He said that he'll support me about this and he'll continue going to church, etc... Last night, our 4 yr old daughter asked him to pray w/ her by him leading it. He did but he was kinda joking and uncomfortable. You can also tell that he's feeling forced to do it coz I was watching them. You're right about the lies and secrets and that's exactly how I feel that's why I'm here. I feel like I want out of this marriage but not sure if that's shallow?


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

It doesn't sound like he lied. It sounds more like he changed his mind over time.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I think you've got bigger problems than religion.


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## marriedinpei (Jan 15, 2012)

Many people have a crisis in faith. That alone should not be reason for divorce. Is he otherwise a good husband and a good father? 

Think C.S. Lewis folks, sometimes athiest end up becoming AWESOME Christians!!!


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

marriedinpei said:


> I'll chime in because I am a Christian - a liberal one yes, but i believe I have a strong faith.
> 
> I'd be as ticked off as you. Unfortunately, some people cannot reconcile God and science. I sure can.
> 
> ...


Thanks for responding. We did argue about this the other night and this was exactly my point I even mentioned how about ghosts as he believes in ghost coz he experience it before and I did too. He was saying that if was also science ie. energy,etc...
I told him that doesn't that prove that there's life after life? I don't think he believes in that! It's difficult to talk about faith. It's just a non stop debate going nowhere. I always pray for him but now I told him that I won't anymore. I want him to come to him one day.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I think its possible over time he will hold resentment towards you for not seeing things the way he does. And you will do the same. He can tell you all day long you can do this and that and he will be ok with it. No he wont be ok with because its not what he believes. He is faking and putting on a front, and at some point he will no longer be able to do that. I can't say if this is deal breaker for you in your marriage, but I will say its not going to be a easy road at all.


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I think you've got bigger problems than religion.


What other problems are you thinking of? Thanks


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

dymo said:


> It doesn't sound like he lied. It sounds more like he changed his mind over time.


My thoughts exactly. He seems to be very understanding of your feelings as well.

My husband and I are raising our children Christian with the understanding that they can question their faith and believe whatever they want if that time comes. You're worried about your H manipulating your children to believe as he does, but you're essentially doing the same thing. Your children will be exposed to atheism at some point in their lives, outside of the family. They'll either continue to believe in God or they won't. You can guide them toward Chritianity, but they will ultimately believe what feels right to them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

WhereAmI said:


> My thoughts exactly. He seems to be very understanding of your feelings as well.
> 
> My husband and I are raising our children Christian with the understanding that they can question their faith and believe whatever they want if that time comes. You're worried about your H manipulating your children to believe as he does, but you're essentially doing the same thing. Your children will be exposed to atheism at some point in their lives, outside of the family. They'll either continue to believe in God or they won't. You can guide them toward Chritianity, but they will ultimately believe what feels right to them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have no problem about our kids later on switching faith and I did clarify this to him. I'm just worried about them end up having no faith now.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

smooshie said:


> What other problems are you thinking of? Thanks


He had an abusive dad and I promise you that DID affect him if for no other reason than he has no role model as to what it means to be a good husband/father. And barring some hard work to overcome his past history will almost always repeat itself and I think this is his way of starting it because he's turning into his dad now with his views on religion.

My bets on this is just the tip of the iceburg and you aren't going to like the man he's about to morph into.

How old is he?


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> He had an abusive dad and I promise you that DID affect him if for no other reason than he has no role model as to what it means to be a good husband/father. And barring some hard work to overcome his past history will almost always repeat itself and I think this is his way of starting it because he's turning into his dad now with his views on religion.
> 
> My bets on this is just the tip of the iceburg and you aren't going to like the man he's about to morph into.
> 
> How old is he?


He's 42. Told him about when we were arguing. He said it's easy for him to convinced himself about having no faith coz of his dad (he did agree) but he's just totally convinced about the book. Told him learning is another story from having faith. He just said that he'd like to learn more about lots of things ie evolution,etc.. science. He even mentioned that one time his mom's father died and she wanted comfort so she mentioned about re-incarnation and he started telling her that there's no God and he said that his mom got mad at him about that (not verbally in front of his face but she threw the table cloth on the floor when he wasn't around) and he was tearing up when he told me this story so he said that he's gonna respect my wishes.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

smooshie said:


> He's 42. Told him about when we were arguing. He said it's easy for him to convinced himself about having no faith coz of his dad (he did agree) but he's just totally convinced about the book. Told him learning is another story from having faith. He just said that he'd like to learn more about lots of things ie evolution,etc.. science. He even mentioned that one time his mom's father died and she wanted comfort so she mentioned about re-incarnation and he started telling her that there's no God and he said that his mom got mad at him about that (not verbally in front of his face but she threw the table cloth on the floor when he wasn't around) and he was tearing up when he told me this story so he said that he's gonna respect my wishes.


This is good actually if he's older. If he's made it this long without doing anything terrible that's a good sign. Had you said he was 30ish I would have worried.

Why is he reading a book on science anyway? What prompted him to read such a thing?

Just curious.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Sounds like he has past issues with his parents that needs to be dealt with. I would suggest therapy and go from there.


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> This is good actually if he's older. If he's made it this long without doing anything terrible that's a good sign. Had you said he was 30ish I would have worried.
> 
> Why is he reading a book on science anyway? What prompted him to read such a thing?
> 
> Just curious.


I have no idea. Same month last yr, he read a book about this very popular book like all you need is to believe in yourself and tell yourself you will get this,etc...and you will. He fell for that book too. He quit his career and wanted to be a manager/CEO just like that. I was so mad at him. Anyways, his back now w/ himself and his profession. I mentioned this to him and he said this is a diff. story. Told him he's bi-polar lol


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

smooshie said:


> He knows that I want our kids to grow up as Christians and he's ok w/ that. He's ok w/ going to church although we don't go frequently esp. lately as we've been very busy and sick. I asked him so many times before if he really believes in God and he always assured me that he does and that he's Christian. Recently, he's been reading this book, "How Life Began" and he's now convinced that everything inc. people started from bacteria and there's no such thing as "God". This made me so mad as it's very important for me to raise our kids believing in God and it doesn't matter if it's another religion ie. Buddhist as I believe that we're all worshiping the same God. He told me that he had doubts believing in God over the yrs and now he's 100% convinced that there's no God. He was even at first trying to convinced me that God is BS and that I'm such a fool,etc.. and this made me even more mad! I'm not a religious person and infact I consider myself a Liberal Christian. All I want is to raise our kids believing in God (faith) and now I'm worried that sooner or later everything I've taught them will go down the drain and turned into Atheist coz their dad convinced them that we all came from bacteria. I have no problem w/learning Science,etc where we all came from but faith is another story. We argued the whole night about this. He said that he'll let me raise our kids as Christians and he promise that it's gonna be a secret between us that he doesn't believe in God. But I'm worried about when they're old enough to know and one day hubby might tell the truth and I know him, he's gonna manipulate them that God is BS,etc... Sometimes he sounds like an Atheist that was why I kept asking him if he really believed in God. He thinks we've sorted this problem out and that he'll keep his promise but I told him that I'm not happy about this and even now it's still bothering me. Told him that it's gonna be a war between us if he ever broke his promise. Oh yeah, his dad is an Atheist and a Philosopher who's not even a good dad to him. I told him that why does he look up to him if he's dad was abusive to him and never around and even now, his dad lives nearby but he never contacts him back or treat him like his son. I don't know what to do about this. I am still mad. Any opinions? Thank you.



So let me understand this correctly.

Your husband has had a spiritual awakening and has changed his beliefs about the world, what`s in it, and how it came to be.

Because these beliefs don`t mesh with yours you are forcing him to hide his beliefs from his children and live a lie so you can be happy.

That`s about it isn`t it?

Why do his beliefs have less value than yours?

Also, it doesn`t matter how you raise your kids, if you raise them with inquisitive minds they are going to find their own path sooner or later no matter what dogma you subject them to as children.

They will become whatever they believe is right not matter how hard you try to indoctrinate them.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

smooshie said:


> I have no idea. Same month last yr, he read a book about this very popular book like all you need is to believe in yourself and tell yourself you will get this,etc...and you will. He fell for that book too. He quit his career and wanted to be a manager/CEO just like that. I was so mad at him. Anyways, his back now w/ himself and his profession. I mentioned this to him and he said this is a diff. story. Told him he's bi-polar lol


So this isn't the first time he's done this?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> Why is he reading a book on science anyway? What prompted him to read such a thing?


LOL

It`s called "learning" and "Expanding your mind".


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Because these beliefs don`t mesh with yours you are forcing him to hide his beliefs from his children and live a lie so you can be happy.


"He said that he'll let me raise our kids as Christians and he promise that it's gonna be a secret between us that he doesn't believe in God."

I took it to mean, HE told her he would hide his beliefs because he wanted to. Anyway, he comes across as he is "allowing" her to raise them as Christians, because he said he is "letting" her.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> "He said that he'll let me raise our kids as Christians and he promise that it's gonna be a secret between us that he doesn't believe in God."
> 
> I took it to mean, HE told her he would hide his beliefs because he wanted to. Anyway, he comes across as he is "allowing" her to raise them as Christians, because he said he is "letting" her.


Read that OP again.
It sounds to me as if she argued with him all night about it until he caved.

If he`s a man worth having there`s no way in hell he`ll hide who and what he is from his children and he shouldn`t be required to.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tacoma said:


> LOL
> 
> It`s called "learning" and "Expanding your mind".


Normally I'd agree with you but this guy seems to not have a brain when it comes to reading books like this. Read her post about him quitting his job last year after some 'learning' and 'expanding his mind'. 

It's like he's easily influenced by anything that enters his brain without putting any thought into what it means. Anybody wtih an opinion can write a book but it does not mean it's right and should be followed blindly.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Read that OP again.
> It sounds to me as if she argued with him all night about it until he caved.
> 
> If he`s a man worth having there`s no way in hell he`ll hide who and what he is from his children and he shouldn`t be required to.


I did. AND yes it could be he told her would on his own OR she convinced him otherwise. I wasn't there, just saying thats the way I took it. But deffo could be the opposite.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Read that OP again.
> It sounds to me as if she argued with him all night about it until he caved.
> 
> If he`s a man worth having there`s no way in hell he`ll hide who and what he is from his children and he shouldn`t be required to.


I don't even think this is who he is. I don't even think he knows who he is. He read ONE book and has now decided to renounce God which okay that's fine that's his right. I just feel he's one of those flighty people whom when left alone will soon find something else to be passionate about. He's searching but has no idea what he's looking for.

This is just his 'thing' until the next best selling book comes out.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I'm assuming he lied because you were led to believe from the beginning he was a Christian correct? You didn't know while you were dating he had these doubts about God? 

Did he tell you on his own he would keep his beliefs a secret because it was his idea? Or did you talk him into going along with keeping his beliefs a secret? 

I agree about the counseling. I think he might need some just from his past experiences with things, and the fact he seems to change his way of thinking/jobs based on a book or what another person says. However, doesn't sound like he has been to influenced by you just yet.


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## Leaver (Jan 31, 2012)

I don't understand this at all. He is having doubts about religion. That is very normal, and is usually a response to differences in expectations vs. reality. Understand that MOST Christians have times of doubt like this. I know I had such a period when I was 18, when I was first exposed to atheism. It lasted a few years. Then, when I was 26 I had a time of turning my back on god. This lasted five years, until this year. 

While I understand your concerns, I feel like you don't have much respect for your husband, despite the fact that he is willing to go along with your way of raising the kids. This is called compromise. 

My gut says there is alot more going on. When a man doesn't feel respected by his wife he starts doing lots of things that may seem out of character. 

Also remember that, as the christian spouse, it is your JOB to stand up for them when the time comes. I don't remember the verse...but basically you are going to be their spokesperson at the pearly gates. Would you speak up for him, speak of his good attribute? Or would you say, no, he is not worthy of heaven? 

I see the way you couch this argument as very trite and unchristian. You should be asking, 'how can I minimize this problem,' 'how can I bring him back to Christ?'


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## pssa (Jan 3, 2012)

I think that the problem is that you have never been very tolerant of his faith, or lack thereof, and that he just told you what you wanted to hear in order to satisfy you rather than being completely truthful. Faith isn't something that you can force on someone. You have the right to choose a husband based on his faith, but you cannot control the evolution or loss of his faith. 

You both need to come to some agreement on how you will raise your children and stick to that. Your children will eventually be mature enough to have more serious discussions of religion and philosophy with each of you as well as others and will come to learn more about your faith and your struggles with it. Eventually, you have to let your children choose their own faith, or choose to not have faith at all.


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

Jamison said:


> I'm assuming he lied because you were led to believe from the beginning he was a Christian correct? You didn't know while you were dating he had these doubts about God?
> 
> Did he tell you on his own he would keep his beliefs a secret because it was his idea? Or did you talk him into going along with keeping his beliefs a secret?
> 
> I agree about the counseling. I think he might need some just from his past experiences with things, and the fact he seems to change his way of thinking/jobs based on a book or what another person says. However, doesn't sound like he has been to influenced by you just yet.


Yes he lied coz he even told me before that he was so happy telling people that he's Christian coz he felt like he was in the right path. 
Yes,I had some doubts before when I was dating him but I just assumed he was a liberal Christian just like me.
Yes it was his own idea to keep his belief a secret coz he said he loves me?


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

I talked to him about this today and about your opinions. He re-assured me that it's best for me to raise the kids as Christians and that he'll never interfere. I told him that I don't trust him just like last night, he wasn't encouraging enough to our daughter when she told him to pray w/ her by leading first. We had an argument again and he's trying to convince me that people w/ faith are so stupid. They need to be educated,etc... I told him that learning is diff. from faith. He was saying that it's such an oxymoron that I believe God created things and we learn from it. He really sounds like an Atheist when we argue. He had to go to work so he just left it by telling me again that he'll let our children grow up as Christian ans he's not gonna interfere, he'll go to church,etc. I think it's not gonna work tho coz just today he was being sarcastic and judgemental when we were arguing. 
By the way, most of the time when he sees priests on tv, he always have to make a comment that they're pervs/child molesters. I just want to hit him.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

smooshie said:


> We had an argument again and he's trying to convince me that people w/ faith are so stupid. .


IMO I think you should part ways. Obviously there is resentment from both sides. It will only get worse. Its probably best to be with someone who share your same views. 

He is saying for you to raise the kids as Christians, but then turns around and says things like, people of Faith are stupid. Wow!


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## pssa (Jan 3, 2012)

You both need to respect each others religious beliefs (or lack thereof) in order for your relationship to work. That means you can't expect him to pretend he's Christian and he can't belittle your beliefs. 

I would find it difficult to pray and go to church if I didn't believe any of it and eventually, your daughter will see through his charade. Being dishonest to his daughter won't end well. She will probably end up resenting him for it. 

You too need to figure out if and how you can live as a loving family with different beliefs. Although I think his behavior is terrible, I'm not sure that you've shown any respect for his beliefs either.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I want to show you how you & your husband may be a little "closer in belief" than you realize, you do not sound like a "Literal interpretation" Christain Fundamenatlist -- which is going to be very very helpful for your marital issue here. If you was, I'd probably advise divorce, since the fundamenalist mindset is IMPOSSIBLE to reason with, they see the world totally in an "us against them" mentality, so I give you kuddos for that :smthumbup:. 

First of all, you are an admitted "Liberal christian"....your husband is questioning things ....(I feel that is very healthy, good for him, more believers should be reading and questioning their faith...getting to know the ROOTS of where this stuff comes from)

.... .. You know the term "Christian" is thrown around so haphazardly here in the UNited States (if this is where you are from?) , it is near a Joke, near everyone calls themselves one without knowing a damn thing about "the Doctrines" that made it a RELIGION. I have studied alot of the roots of Christianity (could near write a book), and because of this , I can no longer call myself one. But I felt I was one for many many years -age 15 -into my late 30's. ..... admittably I always had questions that bothered me though. Eventually I got tired of not having the answers & sought them out, I don't like being clueless to what I am professing to believe. 

This by no means I am not a good person, that I have lost my values, am immoral or would make a bad parent. I allow and encourage our children (we have 6 ) to hang with good people with good character, my kids DO go to Youth Group & our oldest is a Worship Leader/Youth Leader, I am very proud of him. We do not see everything the same but we highly respect each other & still learn from each other. This can be in marraige also. (FOr many yrs I was the Christian while my husband could have cared less, I drug him to Church 3 times a week- he would rather have slept I am sure)




> He told me that he had doubts believing in God over the yrs and now he's 100% convinced that there's no God


 He likley means he Questions the GOD of the Bible being the TRUE God (claiming all others are wrong).... I have listened to some debates with those who call themselves Atheists (my favorite was Christopher Hitchens)... even they admit it would be foolish to claim all of this just randomly came to BE ...Some Force, some Power did all of this but the burden of proof is on the said Believer to prove THEIR particular GOD is the TRUE God.... and frankly Christians simply can not do it , prove it to them.....

..Truly it is ALL ON FAITH.... just like any other religion, there is a massive amount of TRUST in believing that all of the Disciples got all of those books written correctly (even though it was 50-60 yrs later after Jesus death), then all the those translations were also handed down correctly over hundered & hundreds of yrs...

Do you realize the FAITH in this alone ? 

Even those who claim a evangelical "experience", one can not live & have faith on anothers "experience". I've had Mormons claim the same thing. Do I think Christians are the only ones to have an "authentic" experience.... I doubt it. To each, it seems real, genuine, they are right ....Others are wrong. Your husband is questioning these things.. I find it all very healthy personally. All believers should, or how strong is their faith -really?? 

I would near Bet if your husband looked up Deism , that he would totally identify with it's tenents... I now consider myself a DEIST, many people just like myself sit in the church pew but never speak out of our mouths what we REALLY believe because Christians will beat us to death with scriptures. Do I care if we think differently.... not really (just like your husband) .... but it can be a pain in the kisser when they judge me to hell & back for not agreeing with them. This is what you want to avoid in your marraige...judging each other for differences in belief. 

See, when you are a fundamentalist, you will believe your husabnd is doomed to hell unless he believes as you, but you have already proven by your words, you are NOT that type of believer.... so what is all the fuss about -really? 

Watch this video.... (2.34 minutes) You Might Be a Deist...if [Mirrored] - YouTube

Do you think people who view life like this (likely your very own husband) are bad people ? Don't allow what is not a big deal to destroy your marriage. 

Your hopes, your dreams, your goals, your values, the morals you plan to teach your children...isn't this what it is all about ??

Look, your husband is allowing them to go to church , be raised this way, be thankful for this, but allow him to explore his own beliefs here, would you rather him lie to you, learn off of each other. . My husband has always had snide comments about some Priests, now we both laugh when we see preachers hounding for money, talking about "seed" & claiming healings. 

Once we seen a Documentary on Benny Hinn, wow, how eye opening to what really goes on behind the scenes in some of these ministrys. It IS a joke. 

Of course there are genuine GOOD hearted Christians -lots of them! and Catholics, and Mormons, Jewish, Buddist - all walks of faith, *their FRUITS is what we need to look for*, not their particular Creed..... Isn't it most important HOW someone lives -how they treat other people over how they believe??


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

Overtime people's views change and in this case, Your husband's views on religion changed. He is going to believe what he wants to believe, Same as you. You cant help it so the first thing you need to establish is that neither of you will try to convert the other because it will do nothing but create arguements. As for your children, If you raised them in a christian home then continue to do so (dont see why you would bother to change it) but when they get older then itd be best to explain religion to them and let them make their own opinions.

I came from a born again christian family and as a kid I went to church all the time. In the end, I made my own choices and they never questioned that.


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I want to show you how you & your husband may be a little "closer in belief" than you realize, you do not sound like a "Literal interpretation" Christain Fundamenatlist -- which is going to be very very helpful for your marital issue here. If you was, I'd probably advise divorce, since the fundamenalist mindset is IMPOSSIBLE to reason with, they see the world totally in an "us against them" mentality, so I give you kuddos for that :smthumbup:.
> 
> First of all, you are an admitted "Liberal christian"....your husband is questioning things ....(I feel that is very healthy, good for him, more believers should be reading and questioning their faith...getting to know the ROOTS of where this stuff comes from)
> 
> ...


Thank you so much about mentioning about Deism. I checked out the video and I read some things about it online and that's exactly who I am a Deist. That's why I mentioned that hubby didn't have to be a Christian, he could be a Budhist/Muslim/any religion as long as he believes in God. For me, they're all the same. But looks like I'm w/ an Atheist. Your advice is very helpful, thank you.


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## smooshie (Dec 29, 2011)

I also want to thank all the people who responded to this thread.


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## SolidSnake (Dec 6, 2011)

Differences in religious beliefs should not be a deal breaker in marriage. There is no reason to assume he lied about being a Christian. He may have just changed his mind. 

There are stages of faith that people go through in life. Its not unusual for someone to move from a stage of unquestioning faith early in life, and then later reject their faith and become an atheist/agnostic. I think people turn to atheism or agnosticism when they can't reconcile all the contradictory messages in scripture or can't stomach the hierarchy inherent in many organized religious establishments. Some move beyond atheism to the realization that there is a transcendent truth/unity behind all religions, which the OP alluded to when she mentioned Buddhism. The final, most esoteric stage is of faith is the understanding that all is one, that everything is a part of God. 

At least that is how it happened for me. I never would have come this place of understanding if I had never reached the questioning/atheistic stage. My point is that people need to move through their beliefs and find their own truth. He may come around.


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## lady1 (Jan 31, 2012)

It sounds to me like he was struggling with this for a while. Fighting about it and getting mad at him for exploring different ideas will not make him change his mind (and will likely push him even further towards atheism). He may have believed in God originally, but now it just doesn't make sense to him. Maybe he felt like something was missing before. 

He has agreed to continue to have the kids raised Christian. I'm not sure what more he can do, other than being respectful when you two discuss it. I think that you two need to have a truce, where you agree not to try to change each others minds. Try instead to understand each others perspectives. If he doesn't believe any more, even he himself couldn't force his own mind to change.

Talk to the people at your church, focus on your own faith, and don't let the differences of belief tear your family apart.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

smooshie said:


> Thank you so much about mentioning about Deism. I checked out the video and I read some things about it online and that's exactly who I am a Deist. That's why I mentioned that hubby didn't have to be a Christian, he could be a Budhist/Muslim/any religion as long as he believes in God. For me, they're all the same. But looks like I'm w/ an Atheist. Your advice is very helpful, thank you.


OK, he doesn't believe there is a God right now. I agree with SolidSnake when he said this...


> At least that is how it happened for me. I never would have come this place of understanding if I had never reached the questioning/atheistic stage. My point is that people need to move through their beliefs and find their own truth. He may come around


... This makes a ton of sense. He likely has seen too much to upset him from organized religion that the pendulum has slung completely the other way....it may be a phase. 

I can tell you this, A true Deist is not all that worried or judgemental of an Atheist, I mean.... ....we simply live by the Golden Rule... 

Putting your husbands beliefs aside (or non -belief in this case).... how does the man TREAT you, treat the kids? IS he loving? Do you believe Atheists are incapable of Love, how about humanists- many of them are likely atheists?

I have heard the argument made that some Atheists have more compassion than believers - cause they are more concerned about the here and now - making this world a better place (feeling this is their only home) whereas some christians got their head in the clouds thinking about being so pure so they can walk the streets of Gold and live ever after in some Mansion in the sky with Jesus coming back on a white horse to take them all out of here in a twinkling of an eye. 

Besides his not believing a God is watching over him & his family... what other mundane earthly issues are you having in the marriage? 

What books is his reading? And is he STILL Questioning a great deal , or is the matter settled to him??


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Religion does not have a monopoly on morality, ethics or character. Many Atheists are very principled and charitable people. Is your husband a good man? Is he kind? Is he loving? Is he loyal? Does he work hard? Does he try to protect your family? I would suggest you judge him by his character in this world because these are the factors that will most affect how well your children will do in the future.


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## Endgame (Nov 6, 2011)

Sounds like control issues to me. Accept the guy for who he is and love him the way Christ commanded. Why don't you take some interest in what he's discovering in his life? Just maybe, he was searching Christianity to help him in his self discovery, but it didn't work, so he branched out into something else. It's not the end of the world here. If you truly are a godly woman, you would accept this as a test of your faith to help you grow in understanding. Arguing over religion isn't growth.
Just my thoughts.


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## serenesoul (Jan 19, 2013)

My heart goes out to you and saying a prayer for you now. I'm going through something very similar and it's hurtful.


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

smooshie said:


> He knows that I want our kids to grow up as Christians and he's ok w/ that. He's ok w/ going to church although we don't go frequently esp. lately as we've been very busy and sick. I asked him so many times before if he really believes in God and he always assured me that he does and that he's Christian. Recently, he's been reading this book, "How Life Began" and he's now convinced that everything inc. people started from bacteria and there's no such thing as "God". This made me so mad as it's very important for me to raise our kids believing in God and it doesn't matter if it's another religion ie. Buddhist as I believe that we're all worshiping the same God. He told me that he had doubts believing in God over the yrs and now he's 100% convinced that there's no God. He was even at first trying to convinced me that God is BS and that I'm such a fool,etc.. and this made me even more mad! I'm not a religious person and infact I consider myself a Liberal Christian. All I want is to raise our kids believing in God (faith) and now I'm worried that sooner or later everything I've taught them will go down the drain and turned into Atheist coz their dad convinced them that we all came from bacteria. I have no problem w/learning Science,etc where we all came from but faith is another story. We argued the whole night about this. He said that he'll let me raise our kids as Christians and he promise that it's gonna be a secret between us that he doesn't believe in God. But I'm worried about when they're old enough to know and one day hubby might tell the truth and I know him, he's gonna manipulate them that God is BS,etc... Sometimes he sounds like an Atheist that was why I kept asking him if he really believed in God. He thinks we've sorted this problem out and that he'll keep his promise but I told him that I'm not happy about this and even now it's still bothering me. Told him that it's gonna be a war between us if he ever broke his promise. Oh yeah, his dad is an Atheist and a Philosopher who's not even a good dad to him. I told him that why does he look up to him if he's dad was abusive to him and never around and even now, his dad lives nearby but he never contacts him back or treat him like his son. I don't know what to do about this. I am still mad. Any opinions? Thank you.


My advice to you: When you're alone, pray for him. 

You cannot make another person's faith into anything. You can't make them believe ( or not ), you can't do anything about another person's beliefs. 

Just keep your faith. I did not say "religion", I said faith. Faith is your inner belief in God and your connection to Him. Faith held is a transforming power. So, keep YOUR faith, and let it be the influence he needs. He needs to find meaning in his life, and he needs to believe, but you can't force it. You can only demonstrate faith's value, and it be sufficient to inspire him to seek it for himself.


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## dadda11o (Jan 6, 2011)

"Of course there are genuine GOOD hearted Christians -lots of them! and Catholics, and Mormons, Jewish, Buddist - all walks of faith, their FRUITS is what we need to look for, not their particular Creed..... Isn't it most important HOW someone lives -how they treat other people over how they believe??"

My husband claimed to be Christian, until he filed for divorce, shortly after his affair with a married (also "Christian") woman was discovered. I heard the "submit" crap til I couldn't stand it, but he was never willing to go beyond that. Since he filed, I have been told that I am "demonic" and all sorts of stuff.

We were divorced previously, and it was then that I REALLY started reading the Bible and understanding a lot of things I previously didn't. I pretty much won't argue about religion, but I certainly wouldn't knowingly or willingly marry someone of a faith that doesn't mesh well with my own, particularly if the person is at all serious about it. 

In one sense, it sounds like your husband is searching for something that will provide him some sort of control. Those books about "envisioning" stuff sound great and maybe they work for some people, but my own experience is that, in the normal course of events, work and preparation go into "making something of yourself". If envisioning helps that process, great ... but if you are quitting jobs based on imagery alone getting you another (better) one, sounds like there might be some serious problems with reality testing. 

At least he is being honest about his changed beliefs. To me, that's easier to deal with than a phony. And as others have commented, raising children with the ability (and permission to) use critical thinking is not necessarily going to lead them away from faith. My daughters have been "allowed" to question or confront any issue, as long as they do so in a respectful way. I don't want them blindly accepting any "authority" because they are "told to". 

If I had realized that most of ex's "faith" was a sham, I would certainly have dealt with him/talked with him differently than if I thought he was Christian. It might not have changed his ultimate choices (he and his friends have a "happiness gospel" where one person gets to be happy and the rest get to deal with the consequences of the selfish person's behavior), but it certainly would have spared my "speaking into the wind". A lot of people within the Bible have gone through doubt, despair and having their faith shaken. Others have questioned God or even "stood up to Him". Mostly, it seems that those instances have resulted in a strengthening of the person and their faith. Genuine faith and standing for what you say you believe, no matter what it is, is a lot more reassuring to me than "lip service faith". When I was going through hard times, particularly in marriage, I turned to people I thought of as "believers". It's very disheartening to turn to others for support and find there isn't any substance to your faith in them, or their faith in God. 

I certainly don't have "the answer" but would just suggest that possibly, the bone of contention isn't the "real" problem, and finding and working to solve the real problem may alleviate some of what you are experiencing. If you have faith that God is real, trust your children (their ultimate outcome) to Him. You can pray blessings and such and still watch over their day to day development and be an example to them. I believe that science is as real as God, and utilizing the best of both can often be more powerful than counting on just one ...


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## dadda11o (Jan 6, 2011)

"Of course there are genuine GOOD hearted Christians -lots of them! and Catholics, and Mormons, Jewish, Buddist - all walks of faith, their FRUITS is what we need to look for, not their particular Creed..... Isn't it most important HOW someone lives -how they treat other people over how they believe??" :iagree:

My husband claimed to be Christian, until he filed for divorce, shortly after his affair with a married (also "Christian") woman was discovered. I heard the "submit" crap til I couldn't stand it, but he was never willing to go beyond that. Since he filed, I have been told that I am "demonic" and all sorts of stuff.

We were divorced previously, and it was then that I REALLY started reading the Bible and understanding a lot of things I previously didn't. I pretty much won't argue about religion, but I certainly wouldn't knowingly or willingly marry someone of a faith that doesn't mesh well with my own, particularly if the person is at all serious about it. 

In one sense, it sounds like your husband is searching for something that will provide him some sort of control. Those books about "envisioning" stuff sound great and maybe they work for some people, but my own experience is that, in the normal course of events, work and preparation go into "making something of yourself". If envisioning helps that process, great ... but if you are quitting jobs based on imagery alone getting you another (better) one, sounds like there might be some serious problems with reality testing. 

At least he is being honest about his changed beliefs. To me, that's easier to deal with than a phony. And as others have commented, raising children with the ability (and permission to) use critical thinking is not necessarily going to lead them away from faith. My daughters have been "allowed" to question or confront any issue, as long as they do so in a respectful way. I don't want them blindly accepting any "authority" because they are "told to". 

If I had realized that most of ex's "faith" was a sham, I would certainly have dealt with him/talked with him differently than if I thought he was Christian. It might not have changed his ultimate choices (he and his friends have a "happiness gospel" where one person gets to be happy and the rest get to deal with the consequences of the selfish person's behavior), but it certainly would have spared my "speaking into the wind". A lot of people within the Bible have gone through doubt, despair and having their faith shaken. Others have questioned God or even "stood up to Him". Mostly, it seems that those instances have resulted in a strengthening of the person and their faith. Genuine faith and standing for what you say you believe, no matter what it is, is a lot more reassuring to me than "lip service faith". When I was going through hard times, particularly in marriage, I turned to people I thought of as "believers". It's very disheartening to turn to others for support and find there isn't any substance to your faith in them, or their faith in God. 

I certainly don't have "the answer" but would just suggest that possibly, the bone of contention isn't the "real" problem, and finding and working to solve the real problem may alleviate some of what you are experiencing. If you have faith that God is real, trust your children (their ultimate outcome) to Him. You can pray blessings and such and still watch over their day to day development and be an example to them. I believe that science is as real as God, and utilizing the best of both can often be more powerful than counting on just one ...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

smooshie said:


> This made me so mad as it's very important for me to raise our kids believing in God and it doesn't matter if it's another religion ie. Buddhist as I believe that we're all worshiping the same God.


Buddhist’s do not believe in any God.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Of course there are genuine GOOD hearted Christians -lots of them! and* Catholics*, and Mormons, Jewish, Buddist - all walks of faith, *their FRUITS is what we need to look for*, not their particular Creed..... Isn't it most important HOW someone lives -how they treat other people over how they believe??


UM... Catholics are Christians.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Both of you are putting the kids in a no-win situation. Children internalize conflicts between Mom & Dad. 

They can't choose Christianity, Atheism, or Buddhism or anything else and win. They'll feel bad no matter what they do. 

The only way to prevent the kids from internalizing this and traumatizing them to the exact degree you two fight about it is to respect each other's views. 

He is wrong for setting an example of a hypocrite, which can never be hidden. You are wrong for trying to impose faith by force. 

My wife and I do not have the same beliefs. We don't argue about it. I'm looking forward to them asking in front of us. Because it's a great opportunity to tell them that they get to decide on their own, or not decide at all until they figure it out for themselves. 

Empower them to make their own decisions and to have mom & dad's support either way.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Ignore me if I'm projecting my own issues here, but you said in your OP that you asked him repeatedly about his religious views early on in your relationship. Did you think he was, maybe not intentionally lying then, but not giving the matter the consideration you thought it deserved? Did you feel then like he was glossing over the issue and telling you what you wanted to hear? 

That's how my husband was, and I *knew* at the time that his short, pat answers meant that he had only thought about religion in the most superficial terms, and didn't have any real beliefs yet. It makes me mad at myself for letting him gloss over it like he did, and ignoring that voice inside that told me that no matter what we each believed, religion had different values in our lives because it was something I thought a lot about, and mattered a lot to me, vs. something he rarely thought about.

So, some of your anger might really be at yourself, for ignoring this issue way back when you first saw it.

Other than that, I think an athiest and Christian can work. I'm Catholic, and it's not grounds for divorce in my church. They'll tell you that what matters more than the beliefs a person says they hold is the way they live their life. If your husband is a good person, that's the most important.

Good luck to you guys. I definitely agree that this is a tough one. Have you thought about talking to your priest?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> UM... Catholics are Christians.


 When I wrote that, I wasn't at all assuming they were not.... Martin Luther surely embraced the majority of St Augustine's Doctrines......what Christians hold as the fundamental truths... though some Protestants are so rigid, they do not believe Catholics are "saved"...There has been books written by some Evangelicals such as The Cult of the Virgin: Catholic Mariology and the Apparitions of Mary

...then all the Blood shed over their differences in Ireland. Again, it's all so narrow minded and ridiculous to believe a said doctrinal belief is why God accepts us..and all others are damned if they don't get on board, join the program.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

Guys this is year old thread.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> When I wrote that, I wasn't at all assuming they were not.... Martin Luther surely embraced the majority of St Augustine's Doctrines......what Christians hold as the fundamental truths... though some Protestants are so rigid, they do not believe Catholics are "saved"...There has been books written by some Evangelicals such as The Cult of the Virgin: Catholic Mariology and the Apparitions of Mary
> 
> ...then all the Blood shed over their differences in Ireland. Again, it's all so narrow minded and ridiculous to believe a said doctrinal belief is why God accepts us..and all others are damned if they don't get on board, join the program.


I don't want to get into a religious argument here. But simply wanted to dispel any idea that it's up to Protestant, Evangelicals or anyone else to judge who is or is not saved or who is or is not a Christian.

Yes there have been book written by Evangelicals and Protestants that are full of half truths and out right lies about the what Catholics believe. So what.. they are misrepresentations.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I see a lot of mean arguing and disrespect between you. A lot of distrust too. Why don't you trust him? Why do you think he will try to get the kids to be atheists? That concerns me more than the religious stuff. Has he done anything to lose your trust? You seem very hostile and so does he. 
If you split you will have no control over what he tells them. 
And the reality is that kids eventually decide for themselves. Not many people raised in liberal faiths do exactly what their parents do. 
Personally I'm more Buddhist but I have my daughter go to church with my mom sometimes and she has been to vacation bible school. She reads the children's bible. I want her to be exposed to it do she can make up her own mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I’ll chime in here if I can. I was very indoctrinated in Christianity. From the age of 2 to 6 years old, my mom taught Sunday School at our church. From 4 to 7 I went to a private Christian school. From 6 to 13 I went to Bible camps in the summer and I attended Church... ahem, “religiously”  until I was in my teens. 

When I met my ex, I was a Christian – albeit a liberal one but I believed in God, prayed and accepted Jesus into my heart etc. Over the years however, I have de-converted naturally, just while learning about science, physics, anthropology, history etc. Five years ago or so, I started referring myself to an Agnostic, I still do on occasion but really, I’m an Athiest.

I don’t think your husband lied, I think he just changed his beliefs over time as I did. I’m not sure what bashing his dad just because he’s an Athiest has to do with anything. There is no causation or correlation with his dad’s abusiveness and Athiesm. As an Athiest, I’m offended by the implication. You can be an Athiest and still be a moral human being as I am. You can also be a Christian and be a child abuser like my grandfather and step-dad were or be a porn-addicted cheater like my Catholic ex is. Morality is also something we are born with as well as taught according to social customs and cultural values, not something you get just because you believe in God, Allah, Zeus, Shiva, or Buddah etc.

As far as child-rearing goes, my ex and his family are mostly Catholics and Baptist. My son (8), believes in God and often talks to me about God. At family dinners, I still bow my head and say, “Amen” out of respect for their faith. I don’t tell my kids what to believe, whether I believe or not or anything. When my son has questions, we read from the Bible but I don’t allude to whether or not I think its true. I’ll do the same with my youngest. I won’t pressure them either way and in reality, you can’t make someone believe or not. I had a lot more spiritual training than most kids I know and still turned out to be an Athiest. I also know former Athiests who are now Christians.

I know it can be disappointing to not share the same belief system with your husband but you can’t badger or guilt someone into Christianity. He is not a bad person for not believing and I think he is being more than reasonable in respecting your wishes to raise your kids as Christians especially since he doesn’t believe. Again, I don’t think he lied, I think he just changed his views over time. If he's an otherwise good husband, father, provider, I don't think this is any reason to divorce. You're going to have to both learn how to respect and accept each other's beliefs without judgment.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Why does organized religion need to be so darn complex? Why do you need an agent to have a relationship with God?


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

StargateFan said:


> Why does organized religion need to be so darn complex? Why do you need an agent to have a relationship with God?


Because you can't give God the money directly.

So you have to give it to the agent.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Well, I know it is an old thread but I will chip in.

The best way to teach someone to be a Christian is to live a truly Christ-like life.

Love God

Love your fellow humans


That is what my uncle did, living a life that was overflowing with dedication to God and compassion for others. He literally gave his whole life living his faith. He was hugely impressive as a result. I have no doubt many are Christians because of the example he set. Like many others I falter in his footsteps because it is hard to be selfless. 

After he died, I visited an old friend of my uncle's. His wife said to me: 'having known your uncle I now have some idea what Christ must have been like'.

Sadly there are very few who live the Christian life so well. Too many fail to realise that love is only truly given when it really benefits others.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

tryingtobebetter said:


> Well, I know it is an old thread but I will chip in.
> 
> The best way to teach someone to be a Christian is to live a truly Christ-like life.
> 
> ...



I enjoyed reading what you said here...and these sort of people ALWAYS stand out... they indeed leave a legacy of love behind them -just for walking on this earth....an inspiration to those around them...that goodness still lives in the heart of many men ..and women. 

I attended my friends Grandma's funeral yrs ago...an abundance of her friends stood & shared how she touched their lives...little things/ big things, special moments... some so funny, I never had such a good time at a funeral...then a tear cause she was gone. What she did specifically for us...we bought a house off of her -Article of Agreement, she didn't charge us a dime in interest & took what we had to put down. WHo does [email protected]#$ Cause she cared about other people.

I was thinking..."Damn, I hope I am loved like that when I kick the bucket". It takes a person putting themselves out there to touch others ...being unselfish. Many of us do fall short. 



> Sadly there are very few who live the Christian life so well. Too many fail to realise that love is only truly given when it really benefits others.


This is why when someone says they are a Christian, it holds no weight...it's just a word...I've seen just as many give a cold eye, judgement on the lips, and a separating of themselves- feeling THIS is the answer to those in the world. Instead of allowing that light to shine among men....walking differently...but among ...to influence & inspire. 

I feel those from all faiths have stories such as these, it's not just a Christian thing, it's a HUMAN thing. I tend to feel we are all connected, regardless of our specific beliefs... though many Christians (if they are true to their creed) would tell me that makes me part of "the enemy" to feel this way... so Not sure what to do with that ! 

This is why there is so much fighting among religionists...and it will continue until the end of time, sadly.


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## lalsr1988 (Apr 16, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> I’ll chime in here if I can. I was very indoctrinated in Christianity. From the age of 2 to 6 years old, my mom taught Sunday School at our church. From 4 to 7 I went to a private Christian school. From 6 to 13 I went to Bible camps in the summer and I attended Church... ahem, “religiously”  until I was in my teens.
> 
> When I met my ex, I was a Christian – albeit a liberal one but I believed in God, prayed and accepted Jesus into my heart etc. Over the years however, I have de-converted naturally, just while learning about science, physics, anthropology, history etc. Five years ago or so, I started referring myself to an Agnostic, I still do on occasion but really, I’m an Athiest.
> 
> ...



This a thousand times
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Old thread or not...

You don't have to fear the atheists. We don't eat our children, draw pentagrams on the floor, or drink the blood of the recent dead.

We get married to Christians, raise children, coach soccer teams, go to school plays and Chuck E. Cheese's like the rest of you. We encourage our children to think for themselves about all of the important decisions in life, including whether or not the concept of god makes sense to you in your life. We are as caring, compassionate, and dedicated to our loved ones as you are. As an added benefit, we actually know more as a group about the total sum of religious belief around the globe than do Christians, as a recent Pew Research poll found.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Old thread or not...
> 
> You don't have to fear the atheists. We don't eat our children, draw pentagrams on the floor, or drink the blood of the recent dead.
> 
> We get married to Christians, raise children, coach soccer teams, go to school plays and Chuck E. Cheese's like the rest of you. We encourage our children to think for themselves about all of the important decisions in life, including whether or not the concept of god makes sense to you in your life. We are as caring, compassionate, and dedicated to our loved ones as you are. As an added benefit, we actually know more as a group about the total sum of religious belief around the globe than do Christians, as a recent Pew Research poll found.


I am not an atheist but I am not really sure what I am, but you might as well be referring to the devil himself. We all know how wrong and slanted Pew Research polls are. The Faux News Channel has been explaining that to us for years. Look how WRONG they were about the election. 

Romney/Ryan 2016 :smthumbup:


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel those from all faiths have stories such as these, it's not just a Christian thing, it's a HUMAN thing. I tend to feel we are all connected, regardless of our specific beliefs... though many Christians (if they are true to their creed) would tell me that makes me part of "the enemy" to feel this way... so Not sure what to do with that !
> 
> .


SA I agree absolutely that all faiths will have stories like these.
I am sure my uncle (a Catholic priest) would have agreed. He had good friends who were Protestant clergy, Rabbis, Buddhist monks, Muslims and worked with them whenever they had common interests (i.e. a lot of the time). They all mourned his death. I am sure he would not have called you part of the enemy (and nor do I).

He would say that Christ was at work through people in all parts in the world, often without their even knowing it. Wherever there is love, Christ is at work.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

smooshie said:


> He knows that I want our kids to grow up as Christians and he's ok w/ that. He's ok w/ going to church although we don't go frequently esp. lately as we've been very busy and sick. I asked him so many times before if he really believes in God and he always assured me that he does and that he's Christian. Recently, he's been reading this book, "How Life Began" and he's now convinced that everything inc. people started from bacteria and there's no such thing as "God". This made me so mad as it's very important for me to raise our kids believing in God and it doesn't matter if it's another religion ie. Buddhist as I believe that we're all worshiping the same God. He told me that he had doubts believing in God over the yrs and now he's 100% convinced that there's no God. He was even at first trying to convinced me that God is BS and that I'm such a fool,etc.. and this made me even more mad! I'm not a religious person and infact I consider myself a Liberal Christian. All I want is to raise our kids believing in God (faith) and now I'm worried that sooner or later everything I've taught them will go down the drain and turned into Atheist coz their dad convinced them that we all came from bacteria. I have no problem w/learning Science,etc where we all came from but faith is another story. We argued the whole night about this. He said that he'll let me raise our kids as Christians and he promise that it's gonna be a secret between us that he doesn't believe in God. But I'm worried about when they're old enough to know and one day hubby might tell the truth and I know him, he's gonna manipulate them that God is BS,etc... Sometimes he sounds like an Atheist that was why I kept asking him if he really believed in God. He thinks we've sorted this problem out and that he'll keep his promise but I told him that I'm not happy about this and even now it's still bothering me. Told him that it's gonna be a war between us if he ever broke his promise. Oh yeah, his dad is an Atheist and a Philosopher who's not even a good dad to him. I told him that why does he look up to him if he's dad was abusive to him and never around and even now, his dad lives nearby but he never contacts him back or treat him like his son. I don't know what to do about this. I am still mad. Any opinions? Thank you.


The reality is that your kids are going to hear all kinds of opinions from all kinds of people, including the humanistic viewpoint, atheistic viewpoint, Buddhist viewpoint, etc. It is actually good for kids to hear these other viewpoints, because it encourages them to question, and from that questioning, they can become very strong in their faith - or they will fall from their faith. I have seen my eldest son take lip-service kind of Christian perspective that I dislike more than an open non-Christian perspective, whereas the middle boy did a lot of doubting in middle school, but now is an enthusiastic church-goer and advocate for Christ. The youngest is just as enthusiastic. He gets quite angry when people don't believe in God, but his views are definitely liberal Christian. I don't know where a 12 year old gets to have such strong opinions, but he has them in the face of what is generally an anti-Christian media. 

I don't see this as a reason for divorce. To divorce over beliefs does not exactly show God's love, right? Hang on in there. You may convert your husband yet.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

NewM said:


> Guys this is year old thread.


Oh. Ha ha. Never even looked at the date on the OP.


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## BuddyL33 (Jul 16, 2009)

smooshie said:


> He knows that I want our kids to grow up as Christians and he's ok w/ that. He's ok w/ going to church although we don't go frequently esp. lately as we've been very busy and sick. I asked him so many times before if he really believes in God and he always assured me that he does and that he's Christian. Recently, he's been reading this book, "How Life Began" and he's now convinced that everything inc. people started from bacteria and there's no such thing as "God". This made me so mad as it's very important for me to raise our kids believing in God and it doesn't matter if it's another religion ie. Buddhist as I believe that we're all worshiping the same God. He told me that he had doubts believing in God over the yrs and now he's 100% convinced that there's no God. He was even at first trying to convinced me that God is BS and that I'm such a fool,etc.. and this made me even more mad! I'm not a religious person and infact I consider myself a Liberal Christian. All I want is to raise our kids believing in God (faith) and now I'm worried that sooner or later everything I've taught them will go down the drain and turned into Atheist coz their dad convinced them that we all came from bacteria. I have no problem w/learning Science,etc where we all came from but faith is another story. We argued the whole night about this. He said that he'll let me raise our kids as Christians and he promise that it's gonna be a secret between us that he doesn't believe in God. But I'm worried about when they're old enough to know and one day hubby might tell the truth and I know him, he's gonna manipulate them that God is BS,etc... Sometimes he sounds like an Atheist that was why I kept asking him if he really believed in God. He thinks we've sorted this problem out and that he'll keep his promise but I told him that I'm not happy about this and even now it's still bothering me. Told him that it's gonna be a war between us if he ever broke his promise. Oh yeah, his dad is an Atheist and a Philosopher who's not even a good dad to him. I told him that why does he look up to him if he's dad was abusive to him and never around and even now, his dad lives nearby but he never contacts him back or treat him like his son. I don't know what to do about this. I am still mad. Any opinions? Thank you.


If everything you teach your children is erased it will because they made their own choices in life (as should everyone when it comes to religion), not because you and your husband differ on your religious views.

My wife and I have different views when it comes to religion. I made the agreement with her that I would not interfere and would also support anything she taught them. But in the end I take comfort in knowing that they can look at all the information in front of them and via critical thinking, can arrive at their own conclusions about their faith.

I'd say as long as your husband isn't saying, "mommy is wrong". he should be free to present another viewpoint. The problem with religion is that there are so many sheep out there that blindly follow the faith that was rammed down their throats since childhood. 

If anything I believe there is a greater chance that your children will wind up firmer in their faith than you and for all of the right reasons. That should make you happy, as ones faith is a very personal and important journey.


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## hekati (Jan 24, 2013)

LOL, 
Well, some people progress forward or backward and change their views with time. It is normal. And it is always good to read science books. I know few people that were raised Christian, even in a preacher’s family and became atheists later. It would be better to give kids all points of view so they could choose.


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## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Old thread or not...
> 
> You don't have to fear the atheists. We don't eat our children, draw pentagrams on the floor, or drink the blood of the recent dead.


no one is afraid of you. 

Everyone has certain things that are important to them in a partner- deal breakers, even. For many people, it's important to them to have a partner who shares their spiritual views and to be understood in that way by the person they love most. The OP thought she had that, and it's understandable that she is disappointed to find that's no longer the case. 

Maybe he didn't lie or evade questions about his spiritual views; maybe he did legit change his mind over the years. Either way the result has the same effect on his spouse, similar to the disappointment and disillusionment people feel when their partner has a 'change of heart' and announces that s/he isn't willing to have kids after years of saying otherwise.


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