# ED (not the type I would thing) 35 yr old



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Happening more frequently, only with intercourse, not oral sex.... and it's not getting it up he has a problem with it's getting off.... losing the erection. We've tried switching positions. I asked him questions after, he has no idea, one time had a logical explaination because of switching positions he lost his mojo and it went soft, but it is happening more frequently. I started to think it was me. He assured me it was not... he has offered to go to the doc. I dont' get, however, if it is mental or physical why it doesn't happen with a blow job... can anyone give me some insight to how to help my dh thru this? He is only 36, says he is the happiest he has ever been.. only stress we have had is a little financial, but that is nothing new.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

If its not medical then it could be stress related.
If its not stress related then it could be masturbation.

At 36 yrs,testosterone levels are dropping and frequent masturbation is not a good practise for a man in a LTR with regular sex. The pressure / stimulation of a hand or mouth around the penis is much more intense than a vagina. [ That's why during oral he can keep it up .]
So he may take longer to build and cannot keep it up during vaginal sex.
If he does masturbate.Tell him stop for a while and that will reset his pressure/pleasure threshold


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> If its not medical then it could be stress related.
> If its not stress related then it could be masturbation.
> 
> At 36 yrs,testosterone levels are dropping and frequent masturbation is not a good practise for a man in a LTR with regular sex. The pressure / stimulation of a hand or mouth around the penis is much more intense than a vagina. [ That's why during oral he can keep it up .]
> ...


I specifically asked about masturbation, he said he quit when our sex life started picking up months ago, he said he stopped because he had no need anymore. I asked him again when this issue started, he said sincerely, he is not doing that anymore... We have been having longer issues of foreplay... and I ensure to stimulate him orally, and do kegals hold tight with him inside me.... he keeps saying it is not me....but to be honest I have debated stopping the bjs as that is something relatively new I have increased frequency on.... after everything i have read on here abotu how much men want them.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Talk dirty to him while you're switching positions.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

How long do you typically engage in foreplay?

If I'm involved in a session that goes for an hour or more my penis loses interest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> I specifically asked about masturbation, he said he quit when our sex life started picking up months ago, he said he stopped because he had no need anymore. I asked him again when this issue started, he said sincerely, he is not doing that anymore... We have been having longer issues of foreplay... and I ensure to stimulate him orally, and do kegals hold tight with him inside me.... he keeps saying it is not me....but to be honest I have debated stopping the bjs as that is something relatively new I have increased frequency on.... after everything i have read on here abotu how much men want them.


Sometimes I loose erection during sex if i'm not focused,or if i'm just not into it. At times like this it becomes hard to climax.
The reason for my loss of focus is if she places too much pressure on me for sex. Eg;She wants sex tonight and I am feeling tired etc. etc.
But that may not be his problem. As men age,it is harder to keep it up.I overcame that by practising the male version of Kegels.

Kegel Exercises For Men - AskMen

Personally,I keep Cialis handy in the medicine cabinet. Sometimes she can be very demanding for sex. It works for me.I keeps the added stress of keeping it up during long periods of foreplay off.I may use it once in a while, if I feel the need.
[ In our country it is sold as an OTC drug  No prescription needed.]

During teen and early 20's a man's penis automatically gets up and stay's up,even without manual stimulation. Male Kegels help bring back that "control" over the penis.
Also his diet and exercise programme. 
If nothing works,then he needs to check his doctor. Sometimes weak erections and ED is an early symptom of heart disease.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Lately it doesn't matter if it is fast foreplay, 5 mins, or longer, which we have tried, 20-30 mins (it takes me longer to get reved up) at first he thought it was because he was stopping himself from cumming (he used to have PE-well what he thought was PE, I never had a problem with it, we have been together 11 years!) now its a sudden switch over the last two months or so. So he started doing more back and forth foreplay, always with me ending on him, with oral and then jumping on or him jumping on me.... but I even this morning did early quick just him, oral, got myself wet in the meatime and did reverse cowboy, he told me after a few minutes to turn around (normally that other position would get him quick).... I turned around and he still didn't. (This morning we could hear the kids playing, so he said it was that) but each time he has a new excuse... normally I am the one who is bothered by hearing the kids, not him).... but that is neither hear nor there, the last few times, no kid noise, just us, fooling around..... yesterday he said maybe he needed to see a doctor..... I was kind of shocked. This is a man who is normally raring to go at any moment, and his drive has dropped, actually he barely initiates anymore..... if you followed my other posts.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Sometimes I loose erection during sex if i'm not focused,or if i'm just not into it. At times like this it becomes hard to climax.
> The reason for my loss of focus is if she places too much pressure on me for sex. Eg;She wants sex tonight and I am feeling tired etc. etc.
> But that may not be his problem. As men age,it is harder to keep it up.I overcame that by practising the male version of Kegels.
> 
> ...


He mentioned yesterday possibly seeing the doc, I think he may need to because normally he was raring to go at a moments notice, always on me.... this is very odd behavior for him, and as I mentioned in another post his drive has nose dived. hmmm I had no idea it could be an indication of another problem. He has been working out over the last almost year... he is in the best shape he has ever been in, looks great, eats healthier then ever, actually. But maybe there is something else going on. I asked him if anything goes thru his mind, I have been there, I have lost my orgasm before so I get it.... only with a female, we can still perform.... so it's different, we can keep going... to get our mate off... for him it's a major let down if i haven't gotten off.... I told him the research i did abotu the anxiety issue, that he has to relax, that i am here for the long haul, i love him no matter what. Support him, etc. He did say sometimes a change in position can screw with him, and how sometimes he is focused on getting in the right position for me... etc. So I let him know to relax about things, and like this morning, was all about him...not me... and it still didn't work  It makes me sad for him.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Testosterone in men peaks at 25 (marking the end of "youth" and the start of "middle-age" - no kidding). It plateaus then declines increasingly to age 50, and accelerates after that. New research indicates this is actually not a normal part of aging. It happens to us today because of obesity and low muscle mass, apparently. 

What kind of weight program is your husband on? How much sleep does he get nightly? How often does he look at porn? How tall and how heavy? Body fat percentage?

Those are all easy ways you can get the T way, way up without resorting to meds. Since I had my penis reduction surgery 5 years ago, I have had to take daily cialis and it's cheap and easy to get without a prescription.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

He is 5'11, 185, no idea on BMI but isn't fat. He has just been working out with weights, cardio, focusing on upper body and stomach.... he sleeps an average of 5-8 hours. doesn't like porn. What exactly are the easy ways to get T up naturally? he is working out, has lost weight, he was at 230..... and he had stomach fat. He swears (and i have never caught him in all the time we have been together) that he doesn't like porn, doesn't like even mags, or online stuff.... he used to masturbate, but has stopped.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/48186-some-helpful-suggestions.html


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Question? GUYS? How should I handle this, should I back off for a while?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Question? GUYS? How should I handle this, should I back off for a while?


I'm not sure how much "pressure" he is feeling from you, but if he is feeling any, it could be too much. Right now, he may be living in fear of having to make love with you. Yes, fear. Even though he may really want to. 

I'm going to link to one of my posts a while back about this, because I went through in a lot of detail what it might be like for him and what's happening.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/44576-intimacy-important-me-am-i-bad-wife-2.html#post696260

I hope that helps. He is not me, and his story may be a little different.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

donny64 said:


> I'm not sure how much "pressure" he is feeling from you, but if he is feeling any, it could be too much. Right now, he may be living in fear of having to make love with you. Yes, fear. Even though he may really want to.
> 
> I'm going to link to one of my posts a while back about this, because I went through in a lot of detail what it might be like for him and what's happening.
> 
> ...


I read your post... excellent information.. for a while I totally did think it was me, because of all his excuses, then finally after talking yesterday he came out and said it is him, because I told him how it was making me feel. It sucks not being able to satisfy him, except with my mouth (and not sure if that is going to keep working)... but I liked your post, he is willing to keep trying, to keep satisfying me, at this point, he is not like that other man in your post. But it's very hard to not take it personally.... I have to get out of that mindset and into one that this is totally not about me... problem is my drive is very high right now.... so I don't know what to do, other than satisfy myself, I don't want to put unnecessary pressure on him, make him feel like he has to keep performing, etc... so I guess I will make some use of my battery operated friend. lol. I am just torn. I will support him, I am glad he opened up to me, I will be supportive, I just want to make sure I do it in the right way, don't make things worse, dont give him anxiety about it (read a lot about that).... and still keep our closeness that we have worked so hard to get back over the last year, we spend a lot more time together just being friends, flirting, affectionate, etc... I don't want to lose all that. I don't want to push him away, but it is personally rejecting to not be able to satisfy your lover, it sucks  But I know there is hope, so I want to make sure that I am there for him however i need to be. Your post helped a lot. Thanks.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Question? GUYS? How should I handle this, should I back off for a while?


Don't panic dear.
The more pressure you apply,the more difficult it will be for him.
Sometimes just the fear of knowing this might fail is a libido killer for men in long term relationships. I'm telling you,it also happened to me around that age.I'm now 42 and have overcome it. It takes confidence in oneself.
I had to reset my " inner game" and learn her body language ,know exactly what she wants ,and how she want's it.

Maybe he might feel better if he could talk to men. Most men experience it at sometime in their life. He might be feeling
" inferior " because because of the situation [ Having to take advice on his man problem from a woman ]. It's a man/ ego thing.
Whatever you do,don't pressure him,and just continue to work with him & build his confidence.

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Edit:
I didn't read Donny 64 reply above. Basically saying the same thing.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My husband is only 31 and he is having similar issues. In his case, tho, we are fairly certain it is his medications. However, we have agreed that he will see the doctor if it continues. He is distraught over not being able to perform. I try to reassure him... but he avoids because of it. Everywhere else in our relationship, we are ok, so that helps a bit. I just hate seeing him so frustrated.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Don't panic dear.
> The more pressure you apply,the more difficult it will be for him.
> Sometimes just the fear of knowing this might fail is a libido killer for men in long term relationships. I'm telling you,it also happened to me around that age.I'm now 42 and have overcome it. It takes confidence in oneself.
> I had to reset my " inner game" and learn her body language ,know exactly what she wants ,and how she want's it.
> ...


Interesting point about talking to other men, but I don't believe he would EVER talk to his friends about this... he knows I visit this site and has complete access to my profile etc, so maybe he will look at my history and see this conversation and how common it is, or do some of his own research.... he did ask me yesterday if i thought he was diabetic, which after doing some research today, I think he has already hit the internet about it... saw a big connection between the two... I'm trying not to panic. lol. Seriously, but with my drive up for some crazy reason over the last say 6 months or so, it's very hard. And just mast. doesn't cut it for me, I want the emotional connection sex brings, we used to climax at the same time, the ultimate connection for me... I miss that. But... you guys have helped me a lot, I really was wondering if it was me, or if he was getting some elsewhere, or whatever. But I look at other areas of our marriage and we have both worked so hard to get things to a better level. I know we can fix this too. I just like I said don't want to pressure him. I am not going to bring it up to him anymore. We have discussed it, and up until last evening it was just excuses, finally he came clean about it being a problem. I am glad he did because up until then the "excuses" were just that and i was beginning to think it was either A) me or B) someone else.... 
Now that I know, that is a huge relief. I also got much clarification from you guys on why oral isn't an issue for him. 
I am torn on another issue... do I continue with that? I am stuck because I don't want him to get so used to that that love making isn't good enough anymore? KWIM? Especially if it is better feeling? can you provide a bit more insight into that?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> Now that I know, that is a huge relief. I also got much clarification from you guys on why oral isn't an issue for him.
> I am torn on another issue... do I continue with that? I am stuck because I don't want him to get so used to that that love making isn't good enough anymore? KWIM? Especially if it is better feeling? can you provide a bit more insight into that?


Yes, continue with the oral for him. Right now that's his only release with you (which he needs to have that closeness with you...the same closeness you're missing right now). In my experience, that did not hurt things at all. Now, he can try, once he gets the pills, to abstain from anything for 5 days or so, and try again with the pills. This abstaining from anything is not necessary all the time, but may be to give him that extra sensitivity and desire while he builds his confidence about this back up. 

Like I said, they are not "magic pills". If he is still having fear, they may not help enough. If he starts to wonder "am I losing it?" (believe it or not, it can be very hard to tell if you aren't feeling yourself or can see yourself), it will be distracting and fear inducing enough he WILL lose his erection.

Once he gets the pills, he should start taking them, and gain some confidence in them that they will help. By himself if need be, or with you with no immediate pressure that there will be intercourse. They will help tremendously if he can let go of the performance anxiety he also now has. 

Put him in a position where you can get him fairly close to orgasm, and right as he is about to come, get him inside of you fast and let him finish inside of you. That will start building confidence. If it doesn't work the first time or five, do not let it be a source of frustration for either of you.

And maybe as he is afraid to talk to his friends about it, you could have him read my post. I talked to nobody about it, and waited until I had to come clean to the W when we were dating because she was having the same feelings as you, and I knew it would destroy any chance we had at a relationship if I did not come out with it. That was a funny night. She was going on and on about it "must be something with her. She's not attractive enough for me. I really was not into her. etc., etc". Finally, I had enough, told her I could prove it was not about her, and I went inside an grabbed my bottle of Viagra. Came out and set it down on the table in front of her. At first she thought it was a bottle of xanax and I was telling her she needed to take one! :rofl: But that night changed things for us. She then knew it had nothing to do with her, and it was all about me. And she let it go. We continued having incredible sex without a lot of intercourse for a while, but once the pressure was off, things started to improve pretty dramatically. We go at it like rabbits now, and have been for a long time. I cannot remember the last time it was an issue. Sometimes I do not get enough sensation, and it will start to go down. I immediately withdraw without a concern in the world, and do other things to her while I regain my erection by my hand or her hands or mouth. By then she's going crazy, and I'm back in and fully in the moment to completion.

As for you...he needs to up his "non-intercourse game". There are a ton of things he can do that will give you mind blowing sex and closeness to him without intercourse. And once you both experience this, the pressure is even more so off of him. My god, I loved all of that with her. And she loved it as well. The mutual masturbation. Vibrators and toys. Using fingers on her to give her amazing orgasms she could never have gotten just through intercourse, and which she never experienced with anyone before. This issue made me a great lover because I had to be. I could not rely simply on intercourse to please her at that time, so I had to up my game in big ways. And it was crazy fun for us both. We still incorporate much of that in our sex life, even though I don't "need" to anymore, and it has given us a crazy good sex life with an incredible amount of variety.

He should read some of my past posts about this subject (as well as other things he can find about the ED / PA issue) and use this as an opportunity to turn this into a crazy positive for both of your sex lives, rather than something negative. If you guys work through it together, and he feels he has the space to do so for himself, AND he ups his non-intercourse game, I honestly cannot see how either of you could be possibly left wanting for more, and it may be the best sex of your lives.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Interesting point about talking to other men, but I don't believe he would EVER talk to his friends about this... he knows I visit this site and has complete access to my profile etc, so maybe he will look at my history and see this conversation and how common it is, or do some of his own research.... he did ask me yesterday if i thought he was diabetic, which after doing some research today, I think he has already hit the internet about it... saw a big connection between the two... I'm trying not to panic. lol. Seriously, but with my drive up for some crazy reason over the last say 6 months or so, it's very hard. And just mast. doesn't cut it for me, I want the emotional connection sex brings, we used to climax at the same time, the ultimate connection for me... I miss that. But... you guys have helped me a lot, I really was wondering if it was me, or if he was getting some elsewhere, or whatever. But I look at other areas of our marriage and we have both worked so hard to get things to a better level. I know we can fix this too. I just like I said don't want to pressure him. I am not going to bring it up to him anymore. We have discussed it, and up until last evening it was just excuses, finally he came clean about it being a problem. I am glad he did because up until then the "excuses" were just that and i was beginning to think it was either A) me or B) someone else....
> Now that I know, that is a huge relief. I also got much clarification from you guys on why oral isn't an issue for him.
> I am torn on another issue... do I continue with that? I am stuck because I don't want him to get so used to that that love making isn't good enough anymore? KWIM? Especially if it is better feeling? can you provide a bit more insight into that?




Thanks for your interaction. 
I really hope its not Diabetes......
bad , Bad news.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

I'm 40, I think you've read some of my posts about our relationship, and while we were having difficulty I was having a hard time getting it up. I did also see a doc for this issue and to schedule a vascectomy. I had been taking Cialis, and was having similar issues anyway.

At this point, I've been able to have sex with my wife every day, sometimes more than once in a day.. Today we're taking a day off because she needs a day off, I'm hoping for a 2 letter word ending with the letter J but it's okay if it doesn't happen.

One of the things that helped me is I learned control of my ejaculation so I can last longer and not cum, for that matter I can thrust harder the way my wife likes it too. I learned the technique from a book you can get as a kindle thing from amazon, "lasting longer: the treatment program for premature ejaculation"

One key phrase that comes from it is along the lines of "the goal of any sexual encounter is the enjoyment of both partners regardless of the outcome"

The last part is key. You've had a successful session if it was enjoyable, and it doesn't matter if anyone cums or whatever.

Mental things can mess things up.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

WillK said:


> I'm 40, I think you've read some of my posts about our relationship, and while we were having difficulty I was having a hard time getting it up. I did also see a doc for this issue and to schedule a vascectomy. I had been taking Cialis, and was having similar issues anyway.
> 
> At this point, I've been able to have sex with my wife every day, sometimes more than once in a day.. Today we're taking a day off because she needs a day off, I'm hoping for a 2 letter word ending with the letter J but it's okay if it doesn't happen.
> 
> ...


When you say "at this point" is that due to the medication or because you worked out all your issues???


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

I'm not sure the extent of the medication's contributions. I had issues in spite of the medication, so there were issues that were strong enough to overcome the effect I got from the medication.

I also have a diagnosis of low testosterone, but the doc will talk to me at my vascectomy appointment in a week.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Thanks for the response Willk


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> He is 5'11, 185, no idea on BMI but isn't fat. He has just been working out with weights, cardio, focusing on upper body and stomach


Wrong answer. "Cardio" doesn't do much other than waste time. Yeah, I know the myth, but that's all it is. The three biggest muscle groups in the body are the glutes, quads, and hams, all below the belt. Hit those hard and heavy lifting to, or near to, failure with one or two sets. Start with an all body workout, half upper, half legs. Forget upper body except for pullover machine or lat pull down, chest press, row (barbell or cable), and overhead press. Leg press, squat, deadlift, are the main movements, but you can throw in some combination with leg extension, leg curl, and calf raise. Use the KISS principle. 6-8 exercises per session. Two or three times a week. This kind of working of the legs will increase endogenous testosterone.




livelaughlovenow said:


> .... he sleeps an average of 5-8 hours.


make it an average of 8-9 to increase endogenous testosterone.




livelaughlovenow said:


> doesn't like porn.


That may be a good thing, since it has been claimed that brains of guys who use porn several times weekly evidently need to up the real life sexual intensity to match the porn action. It was suggested to me that I watch porn after my surgery to get the blood flowing again and I think this may have happened to me for a spell.



livelaughlovenow said:


> What exactly are the easy ways to get T up naturally? he is working out, has lost weight, he was at 230..... and he had stomach fat.


The fatter a man is, the more estrogen he produces and his testosterone drops. That's why so many fat guys start to get kind of womanish. Dropping the fat reverses that feedback loop.

Get 8-9 hours of sleep each night. Less than 8 hours and your T can be cut in half.

Eat eggs and cod liver oil to get Vitamin A and get plenty of sunlight at midday if possible (no sunscreen) for Vitamin D.

Eat bacon and butter as your body needs saturated fat to make Testosterone. 

Eat almonds for selenium, walnuts for zinc. That will work, too.



livelaughlovenow said:


> He swears (and i have never caught him in all the time we have been together) that he doesn't like porn, doesn't like even mags, or online stuff.... he used to masturbate, but has stopped.


If he is not masturbating and he's a one woman man, his libido is dropping. This is directly tied to testosterone levels. T is what makes us horny all the time.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Wrong answer. "Cardio" doesn't do much other than waste time. Yeah, I know the myth, but that's all it is. The three biggest muscle groups in the body are the glutes, quads, and hams, all below the belt. Hit those hard and heavy lifting to, or near to, failure with one or two sets. Start with an all body workout, half upper, half legs. Forget upper body except for pullover machine or lat pull down, chest press, row (barbell or cable), and overhead press. Leg press, squat, deadlift, are the main movements, but you can throw in some combination with leg extension, leg curl, and calf raise. Use the KISS principle. 6-8 exercises per session. Two or three times a week. This kind of working of the legs will increase endogenous testosterone.
> 
> Right I get T... I understand hormones. I'm having my own increase in E due to biological clock cycles (although I don't want anymore children (turning 32) so my hormones are increasing, he decided to work his stomach off, and his arms because I loved the way he looked when we met, he is very broad shouldered and his muscles looked great, not ripped but visably there... so he needs to change his focus for a bit... i will give him those suggestions. In addition... I am actually going to read to him your post entirely, actually. I know he would rather try natural things. I am the same way. We don't have machines, he does his work outs to videos/ netflix at home. But if he needs to watch or read something erotic to turn him on that's fine, I read erotica, I just want to be the one to satisfy him, not him jerk off to it and then I am left in the cold. Which happened once or twice a few years ago when we had an LD/HD problem right after our kids were born... you seem to know so much about this, it intrigues me. I am so thankful for all the feedback! I realized too, he has always had a form of ED, because he had before this PE, like serious, maybe 3 minutes if I was lucky, but usually he would cum very quickly upon penetration, but I always took it as compliment, because he was so worked up and anxious, he always had a problem with it, but to go from one way to the entire other side of the scale, is what threw me thru a loop, and then he has dismissed it with excuses for a couple months before finally coming clean, and actually a couple times faked it, pretended he did cum! (As a woman, I knew the next day, since he has had a Vasectomy, he didn't)... very frustrating and lots of things went thru my mind then.... trust, lies, etc... I'm just glad we are making progress. He does eat eggs, at least once or twice a week. Would protein shakes help? What other tips can you offer?
> 
> ...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Wrong answer. "Cardio" doesn't do much other than waste time. Yeah, I know the myth, but that's all it is. The three biggest muscle groups in the body are the glutes, quads, and hams, all below the belt. Hit those hard and heavy lifting to, or near to, failure with one or two sets. Start with an all body workout, half upper, half legs. Forget upper body except for pullover machine or lat pull down, chest press, row (barbell or cable), and overhead press. Leg press, squat, deadlift, are the main movements, but you can throw in some combination with leg extension, leg curl, and calf raise. Use the KISS principle. 6-8 exercises per session. Two or three times a week. This kind of working of the legs will increase endogenous testosterone..




:iagree:

ditto with everything you said.
Just to add one thing,
His Diet.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> 
> ditto with everything you said.
> Just to add one thing,
> His Diet.


Good point. After my surgery had healed up for about 4 months, the Uro gave me the okay to start training again after 2.5 decades of arse sitting. Right before I started, I had a visit with my GP and he said he wanted to visit with me Metformin. I told him that this was something I had no interested in discussing, but I'd see him 2 months and we'd talk about it then. Started the training plan much like the one above and got rid of the type II diabetes and no metformin was discussed, ever. 

In short, kill the grain products, including grain oils, and kill the sugar. Combined with the heaviest compound movements you can do smoothly, without jerking and snapping, you'll drop fat. That workout will cook off large amounts of glycogen and turn on those muscular insulin receptors.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Good point. After my surgery had healed up for about 4 months, the Uro gave me the okay to start training again after 2.5 decades of arse sitting. Right before I started, I had a visit with my GP and he said he wanted to visit with me Metformin. I told him that this was something I had no interested in discussing, but I'd see him 2 months and we'd talk about it then. Started the training plan much like the one above and got rid of the type II diabetes and no metformin was discussed, ever.
> 
> In short, kill the grain products, including grain oils, and kill the sugar. Combined with the heaviest compound movements you can do smoothly, without jerking and snapping, you'll drop fat. That workout will cook off large amounts of glycogen and turn on those muscular insulin receptors.


Well I offered to share the information about the workout changes, he was not interested, said his job he goes up and down stairs all night etc. I mentioned the diet stuff, he again was disinterested. I said ok, well I will not bring it up again you can figure it out. I said, "I know babe how you are against medicine usually, so I was asking for natural ways, and people were giving me pointers who apparently have been there" he just ignored me. That was when I said I will not bring it up again... 
I am beginning to think there is more to it, that he doesn't want to say, to go so far from one extreme... and also for those who have followed my posts, to attempt a 180 to get more sex, treat me like ****, to attempt to get more sex, only to not be able to perform... I'm starting to think there is something else going on with him. Don't know what, but right now he is not very receptive to much of anything.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear this, but I've kind of been there. I was a big fat slug from age 40 to 50 and I guess my wife wasn't too attracted to me. I hit rock bottom at age 50 with a prostate cancer diagnosis and that woke me up. This morning I was drying off and my wife walked through the bathroom and rubbed her hand up and down my abs and obliques and just said "beautiful." 

Hopefully, he'll get it together before he loses a leg to type II diabetes.

Good luck with him.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

It sounds like you don't need any more input, but just in case...

My husband noticed a middle aged softening of his erection a couple of months ago (he's 39) and got right onto solving the problem.

He's always done kegel exercises and he has now started jelqing Penis enlargement - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, not for enlargement, but for hardness. He says the improvement was noticeable almost straight away. 

Might be worth mentioning if he gets into a receptive frame of mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> ... and also for those who have followed my posts, to attempt a 180 to get more sex, treat me like ****, to attempt to get more sex, only to not be able to perform... I'm starting to think there is something else going on with him. Don't know what, but right now he is not very receptive to much of anything.


Well, you make it sound all the more like my situation. My ability to achieve erection fell off after my wife started being more into sex after I read MMSL and I did what I posted above and now it's goiing pretty well, except she's gotten a little worn out.


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## hldnhope (Apr 10, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Question? GUYS? How should I handle this, should I back off for a while?


Just back off and if/when it happens, try not to focus on it. Seems that when this happened with me once, I stressed so much that it would happen again, that it DID. If it does happen again, maybe just try oral to get him back, and work from there....


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Ok... need some more input... so today, he says he looked up the kegals, has had trouble doing it without his anal muscles (refuses to use his finger) I said practice, I had trouble at first too... in the meantime he sends me an email with a piece of sex furniture that would put me in different positions (here is the link) 

Liberator Flip-Ramp

So am I really to think now this is not about me???? seriously? I have tried all these positions, with pillows, without etc, we do not have the money for this thing, he said it looked fun. I feel now completely just undesirable and that he is all about him... watched the videos, these positions are all focused on mainly get off, not female stimulation at all. Which has been the majority of our marriage.. hence why my own initiations of getting myself off have increased my drive lately, but I make sure to change positions to get him off... but before neither was a problem for him. He would do a position to get me off, and he got off.. I understand age, but if he is struggling with ED, and he knows that i have taken a blow self esteem wise, does he really think this is going to help me? Or am I still looking at this entirely the wrong way? Like again I go back to teh 180, I'm thinking that was an excuse for him to distance himself from me, and just get away with not initiating, because I was already doing it before he started acting like a jerk.... If you have followed my posts then you know what a fight that started... because we were no longer in a place where a 180 was necessary, unless, he wants to leave, or distance himself, or suspects me of cheating, which none of the above has he expressed...... I'm just confused right now totally. I can't express this to him at this point... because God forbid I say anything negative about him actually opening up about something he wants from sex, then he will shut down. I just am really beginning to think compatibility wise we are all off.... and what he wants is entirely different then what I want, the difference is I am willing to express verbally what I want, he is not. HELP!


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

I have seen about those and thought it sounded interesting but expensive... What I don't understand is how you could take it personally in a negative way. Isn't there ways of using it that allows deeper penetration or clitoral stimulation or access for touch and so forth?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

*Re: ED (not the type I would think) 35 yr old*



WillK said:


> I have seen about those and thought it sounded interesting but expensive... What I don't understand is how you could take it personally in a negative way. Isn't there ways of using it that allows deeper penetration or clitoral stimulation or access for touch and so forth?


I guess because what I don't get, is deeper penetration isn't the issue, he pounds me to the point of hurting sometimes, and when I make a noise (he thinks he is hurting me) he says that it turns him off, and we have to change positions... so why get something like that? I have used pillows to adjust so he gets the deep he wants but I get the stimulation I need because his pounding positions do nothing for me... (I call them the jack hammers) but instead of talking to me, he emails it to me... I look it over, and didn't know what to say. He had already discussed a swing. So I know he is thinking of more creative ways he can get to that point... but to see that, just made me feel like I am part of the problem, he isn't into the way we are making love anymore, despite me being more creative, and instead of coming forth and telling me, he sends me that link in an email and says hey, did you see the thing I sent you. I say yes, he said what did you think, I said I think it's expensive and we could accomplish the same thing with some different pillows then what we have been using. He showed me another one with straps where your hands and feet are strapped and that for me was a major turnoff, I am not into that... hands, fine, feet legs, no thank you, and this is totally uncharted territory after ten years, and with all the talks and questions lately about likes dislikes, what can I do different, etc, none of this has come up. I am just so frustrated! I feel like he is poking at straws at this point to find anything to get off with me, when before it was simple attraction and desire and that is diminished, and he is refusing to acknowledge the real issue... just like with the 180 (just an easy way for him to "excuse" not initiating) he had been on the boards enough to find an excuse when I asked him about all the things I had been doing but why I was getting no reciprocation... now... that being said... I didn't address any of my feeling about this with him, because like I said I don't want to come off wrong, this is just how I am feeling about it, because of all the last 11 months of changes, and all the effort on my part... and only in the last couple of months seeing a little bit of effort on his part, but only after I say things do things change... I just want my husband back (not just sexually) but in other ways. But sexually is a very big issue right now, and like example number one, doing reverse cowboy the other morning for him... just him, with no goal of myself at all.... and got nowhere, and then he comes with this thing... I feel like we shouldn't need all these crazy props... I don't need my vibrator to get off with him. I just need him. That is what I am offended about... now it is getting to the point where he doesn't just need me anymore... he is seeking other things... it hurts. Tells me, as a woman, part of the problem is me.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I am going to try to look at this from a different way.... that he just sucks at communicating and this is his way of doing it.... and try to make the best of it.... and find a way we can both get off, without me being in pain and where he can not have to change positions and keep his erection... so I posted a new thread asking for help on positions.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

I'm really really sorry to say it this way, I see one huge long paragraph and it really gets hard for me to read it completely because it just turns into blah blah blah blah blah...

With that said, reading the first part of that gave me the impression that 1) your husband is thinking about things to integrate into your sex life that I've thought about before and 2) you're not interested.

Part 2 of the above is the key. Positions and accessories have nothing to do with it, that stuff is symptom not root cause.

I think you're not attracted to your husband. I also think that our penisses can sense that.

I think if you were in a state of being attracted to him, you'd play along and have fun. I think you're going to react to anything he comes up with negatively because you're not attracted.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Tell him to got to home depot, buy a bunch of 1/4 plywood and some 2X2's, a saber saw, wood screws, drill, a staple gun and a phillipshead. Then go to the fabric store and buy 4" foam rubber and 30 yards of naughahide and he can build a whole conversation pit of sex furniture on a saturday afternoon.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Actually in response to WillK... I am totally attracted to my husband... I thought about it and realized he turns me off not sharing his thoughts sometimes... however, I got an awesome story private messaged to me about a couple who went thru a similar situation, and it gave me some more questions for myself and for my dh... we talked, and for the last since I have been on here.... things have been totally back to normal no problems at all. He was able to poinpoint the source of his stress, sort of blaming me for something that really wasn't my fault at all, however was a very stressful situation and that I was involved in (but outside our relationship entirely).... and we talked in detail about intensity and I told him how I thought that with those positions he needs more thrusting we can do those positions without that thing, and different positioning so he gets what he needs to get full deep thrusting and I get what I need for orgasm (tricky business), and I am more than willing to do them. 

He liked that idea. I thought we simply had a great discussion. He said he wanted to cuddle and watch tv... I was just so happy our conversation had gone to a whole new leve! He was actually able to pinpoint when he stopped thinking about sex and why, and it had nothing to do with me... 

He initiated that night and it was the best love making we had in a while. Without going into a lot of details, he has been much more attentive, sending dirty texts, playful etc. I think he was in a funk and my newfound creativity to try to draw him out of it was a surprise to him, and getting to re-know each other sexually was key and sort of scaring him... anyway, I am sorry if I gave the wrong impression. I know the person who wrote me privately and the majority of people on here, did not get that impression and know from following my history how much I love my husband and do not want to lose him to anyone or anything, I want me to be his happy place, his safe place, and I want our marriage as a whole to strengthen.... I am totally into my man. I just wanted him to reciprocate. I am getting that back now and I haven't been happier.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Good point. After my surgery had healed up for about 4 months, the Uro gave me the okay to start training again after 2.5 decades of arse sitting. Right before I started, I had a visit with my GP and he said he wanted to visit with me Metformin. I told him that this was something I had no interested in discussing, but I'd see him 2 months and we'd talk about it then. Started the training plan much like the one above and got rid of the type II diabetes and no metformin was discussed, ever.
> 
> *In short, kill the grain products, including grain oils, and kill the sugar. Combined with the heaviest compound movements you can do smoothly, without jerking and snapping, you'll drop fat.* That workout will cook off large amounts of glycogen and turn on those muscular insulin receptors.


:iagree:

A lot of people don't even know that what you did about your diabetes is even possible.
Cutting down on the amount of flour one use is extremely important. Increasing fibre , balancing the blood ph level etc can help.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Same age here, cialis. It works.

My reason, oversexed and sometimes my mind wonders.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

One way to tell the cause is to get a prescrip for Viagra or Cialis...better still just get a free sample from the Doc. If he can remain hard during intercourse after taking the meds then the problem is physical. If he still can't keep it up then the problem is psychological (more usual in a man his age) and most likely it is a lower than optimal level of desire. What the cause of that could be could be anything from lack of attraction to intimacy/performance anxiety to heavy porn use.


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