# Codependents and Narcissists



## Arsenault (Nov 1, 2012)

Lately I have noticed more articles regarding male and female narcissism accusations back and forward between codependent wives and girlfriends against their male partners. It is becoming the "new favorite disease of choice". I am reading online about this trend and hearing from female friends about their lovers, husbands or boyfriends. 

Am I the only one noticing this new trend? Are we all narcissists now because of the way our society influences us? 

If if one is assertive, does not listen or ignores the winning of others saying "you can't do this or that..." and goes after achievement accomplishing what others can't; is the one doing it a narcissist because he or she dares to say "I can" and not be a follower? 

If one is more attractive to the opposite sex than another, would that make him or her a narcissist? or is the labeling being use as an excuse by people not willing to deal with their own codependency tendencies? 

According to Dr. GILL BLOXHAM article; From the Wicked Queen in Snow White to Samantha Brick, the writer behind the recent ‘I’m so beautiful .  .  .’ media storm, women who are convinced of their own beauty are often cast as villains. 
There is no doubt that women (and men) who are perceived as vain generate quite an astonishing degree of derision.
Is it, as Samantha believed, because of their good looks? Or is there something else at work? It is not often we hear someone talking about how beautiful they are. 

Even women heralded as great beauties, such as Angelina Jolie, often bat away praise by pointing out a feature they have always been insecure about. It’s considered the polite thing to do. 
But deep down there would have to be something wrong with Angelina if she didn’t recognized she was more beautiful than the average female. Her fame is a by product of it. 
Numerous scientific studies have proven that her symmetrical features – and those of other famous faces, such as Kate Moss – are considered to be beautiful because they indicate good health and genes. 
But where does all this leave someone like Samantha Brick, who many believe is not in possession of one of these faces? 
One could argue she displays the hallmarks of a narcissist. But she is not alone – *we are all narcissists to some degree*. It’s just that most of us know how to temper this part of our personality. 
Our idea of this type is based on the Greek myth of Narcissus, who drowned in a pool looking at his own reflection. 
We use the word to describe people obsessed with their appearance, such as the Wicked Queen, whose favourite pastime was getting her magic mirror to confirm her beauty. 
But narcissism doesn’t just have to refer to appearance and vanity. 
Psychologically speaking, there are three types of narcissists: clinical narcissists, healthy narcissists and unhealthy narcissists. 
At its most extreme, Narcissistic Personality Disorder refers to an unusual mental illness, where sufferers have a grandiose sense of self-importance in all areas of life. 

Has anyone notice or have been accused in this new narcissist trend?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I think there is a big difference between narcissism and a sense of entitlement. Someone who feels entitled can be reasoned with and feel empathy when pointed out. 

I thought my ex was Bi-Polar. He was the life of the party, confident, personable but say something that struck a nerve and he'd turn on you like a rabid raccoon.

But after some CRAZY accusations and filing for full custody when I thought what we were doing was working, I decided I needed to ask the courts for a psychological evaluation. It took about 6-8 months, I had to attend the same number of appointments as well each of us taking our daughter 3x (to avoid coaching). I never even THOUGHT about NPD. But when we finally got her report (best 6K spent) it was light a light switch turned on. After reading a 40-page report which completely analyzed our strengths, weaknesses, parenting styles, etc. and then reading about an NPD diagnosis on-line, it was amazing. That was HIM!

A person with NPD sees no other sides to an issue. Theirs is it. It is right, it is the most important; others dont matter. Other people exist only to make an NPD look better and/or to serve them. I made him look good. Every "mistake" I made (or our daughter) was perceived as intention to aggravate him or make him look bad. Other people are objects of ridicule and amusement. No one has feelings; they don't matter; no empathy. If someone is upset it's because they are stupid and made a bad decision somewhere along the line. Yet a person with NPD has zero personal responsibility - it's just opposite for them. Anything that goes wrong for them is an intentional slight, an evil setup. Lost jobs, relationships - a whole trail of emotional destruction behind them of which they are oblivious.

Today's culture of children who come first, get everything they want, have permissive parents who don't set boundaries or bribe children result in a sense of entitlement but not NPD. NPD is a result of failure to bond during infancy and/or a deep rooted low self-esteem which forces them to hide behind a facade of OVER confidence.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

My soon to be xw has NPD and Borderline Personality Disorder. They co-mingle. She is selfish and doesn't have ability to show true emotion towards others. When she is nice to others she calls it 'pomp and circumstance.' When she hurts my feelings and i say she needs to apologize she says, "I've already forgiven myself." She has cheated on me on several occassions and of course it was my fault.. go to counseling she admits to being unfathful to every man she has ever been with (but she wants to change..ha). She is 52, been married 4 times. Has 4 kids from 3 different guys.. Last December she demaned an upgrade on her wedding ring because a friend of ours got a bigger ring.. I finally cave in because she wouldn't wear her wedding ring. Of course 3 months later she cheats on me again.. BPD and NPD are emotionally detached.. the play a good game on the outside for a while, but eventually the mask slips off. The are very plastic in public... very different on the emotional level, no even really there... they are capable of having meaningful love... I have only been through this for 3 yrs now. She left me 6 weeks ago.. she has the financial means.. she is very driven in her career.. just not capable of true love.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think there is more Narcissism expressed because people have lives that don't put them much in contact with each other. Let's face it, electronic contact is not the same as having someone around paying attention to you. We just don't have the kind of lives now with computers and televisions and longer store hours and commutes that put N's in touch with a variety of supply during their day. So my theory is that it falls to their partners. In the past, you might have said that someone was flamboyant or an attention-getter or 'theatrical' or even 'life of the party'. Now that we keep in touch via electronics, the N's are addicted to FB and texting and end up having to get more attention at home. I don't think there's an increase in N, I think there is a marked decrease in supply.


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