# Separation Anxiety



## carlosh (Jan 5, 2010)

I have been separated from my wife for a month and a half. The separation has been very hard on me (depression, anxiety, loneliness, and fear) since it was a total shock to me. I left the house one evening because the tension was getting too high and we have a 6 year old daughter, I didn't want the situation getting worse. We recently lost our business and we are have financial problems. 

When a couple of days have gone by, I ask my wife for us to talk, she shocked me when she told me that our relationship was over and that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Her anger is over years of not cherishing her. 

Since the separation we have been getting along pretty good. There were only 2 occasions that we had arguments were she told me not to expect her to get back with me. I understand that she is still angry and it really is not her talking but her anger. Same with me, I said somethings that I didn't meant to say which later I apologized to her. I noticed that every time I get "Girly" she gets upset. I stopped doing that and things are smooth. So far this is what is currently happening:

- Still have my clothes at home.
- There are pictures of me and her still up.
- From time to time I go over and spend time with my daughter 
she will even offer food or we cook together.
- We do things together with our daughter. Since I really 
don't see her during the week she has no problem with 
me pick her up. She normally joins us.
- She is nice, not googoo over but very pleasant. 

The only that gets to me is the depression, during the day because I miss my daughter and my wife. I try to stay busy but it is hard... 

I need some advise on how to handle the depression. That is the part that brings me down. I still think there is hope for our marriage. I figure that if I don't get "girly" and fall apart in her presence things will be fine, I won't work her up. I am also being nice, not giving her any reason to be upset with me. Being there for my daughter and spending as much time with her as possible. 

I figure, how long can she hate me if I am nice to her, don't argue with her, but at the same time stand my ground. I help her as much as I can, without it hurting me financially. I would also be very hard for her to replace me with another man when I am a fantastic father. I don't think at her age (40) she would want to start another relationship. I hope these are good reasons to fight for my marriage or am I living a fantasy? I just have to try, I love her......

Forgot to mention, we both are in the same business industry and everybody knows us. She still wears her wedding ring and she does not want me to tell nobody about our separation. She wants it kept hush... I still wear my ring too. At first that confused me. How can you tell someone you want nothing to do with them and at the same time your wear your wedding ring? One thing for sure, there is not someone else. Same for me.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

It sounds like you are doing everything right. It sounds like she hasn't given up. Find ways to make yourself better so she will see you are stronger and want to be with you. 

As far as the depression goes, post here....you can talk to a doctor about an anti-depressant to get you through the harder times. You can also seek the help of a therapist to help talk you through it. Hope this helps. If you ever want to talk off line feel free to private message me. 

Good luck! Sounds like you are an awesome dad!


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## carlosh (Jan 5, 2010)

My pain is not as intense as it was several weeks ago. I guess I cried it out. I still miss her and I am finding it hard to stop thinking of her. 

This Valentines Day would have been our 9th year together. I don't know what to do. Should I just keep quiet or give her a card? I notice that by me not getting "Girly", we get along better. 

January 27 2007, was the date when we got married legally and May 19 2007 is when we got married thru church. This past 27 she did not acknowledged our anniversary. I didn't bring it up just to keep the peace and from chasing her away. I need some advise on what I should do for Valentines Day. Please post your comments as they are greatly needed.


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