# Confessions



## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Reading this forum has got me thinking about my past relationships now....

I've always said that I've never been cheated on but now I've started to wonder. My ex bf one day out of the blue hit me with a blow while we were together. We were so happy in our relationship (at least I thought) and then one day he tells me he had been talking to this woman we both know on Facebook, who I was not fond of in general - don't like her personality. He said that they started out with just friendly chat and pretty soon she started flirting heavily with him. He said he then told her that he was in love with me but she kept kept at it and got attached to him (these were his words). He said he then started avoiding/not responding to her but she kept writing to him. He said eventually she stopped but that she was really hurt. I can verify that she was hurt based on things she said/hinted at in her FB posts.

He said that nothing happened between them. I believe that they didn't have a PA because she lives far away, but why would this woman be so very hurt? I also couldn't understand why he felt the need to tell me all this, when, frankly, I didn't need to know, since it seemed like nothing happened. Makes me wonder...


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

He told me when we were together. What was there to feel guilty about? He presented this to me like a confession. I was concerned THEN, but didn't know what to make of it at that time, was confused. Reading this forum has made me think about it again and wonder. I will do nothing with the information. That relationship is long over with.

Perhaps he just wanted to vent.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

No, I don't talk to him. I just wanted a discussion of confessions. I thought I'd start first.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

This is the danger of too much CWI. It breeds paranoia. I have to take this site in small doses or it makes me suspicious all over again.

It's made me think, at times, my wife can't ever even talk to other men. That's frankly stupid, but such can be the hysteria bred here.

We just had another woman here with a really rotten marriage, but no clear evidence of infidelity, who said the constant drumbeat of "cheater - cheater - cheater" made her a basket case of paranoia. She just HAD to uncover an infidelity she had no evidence of.

Let it go - and let CWI go. Sip here in very small spoonfuls, then get up and go see the world as it is.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> This is the danger of too much CWI. It breeds paranoia. I have to take this site in small doses or it makes me suspicious all over again.
> 
> It's made me think, at times, my wife can't ever even talk to other men. That's frankly stupid, but such can be the hysteria bred here.
> 
> ...


Hahahaha okay thanks, I will. I will read this forum less too. I don't want to become too paranoid.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Daisy10,

I guess I'll be accused of believing in black helicopters, but what the hell:

I'm not saying your boyfriend wasn't telling you the truth. I don't know. But that's exactly what a cheating partner would say if he was worried that his AP was getting ready to spill the beans on his A. It's called preemptive obfuscation.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Could be nothing, could be something.

I could see him telling you the whole story after the fact as a sort of damage control. I too would be very suspicious with her acting so very deeply hurt by his rejection, because in my view, that means she is either completely crazy, or he led her on way more than he has led you to believe. Meaning I suspect that this was at least a minor EA for him and that there was probably lots of inappropriate conversation, over a long period of time. I don't believe she would be that hurt and reactionary if he really shut her down at every single attempt and gave no indication whatsoever that she had a chance with him.

But once she did start to lose her ability to keep it all inside and was acting irrationally, I imagine if it were me in that situation, I'd be terrified that she would come to you, maybe in anger and eager for revenge, or maybe so that you would leave me, making me "available". So I could certainly imagine a scenario where I tell you something similar to what he did. To sort of "get ahead of the problem" by setting up the context in a favorable light. Otherwise, why couldn't he show you all their Facebook chat logs? Why did he wait so long to tell you about her inappropriate pursuit? Why would he feel the need to tell you at all if he did absolutely nothing wrong, it hadn't been brought to your attention thus far, and it wasn't creating any problems in your lives?

Yeah... I'd be suspicious too. With that said, I doubt it was much more than heavy flirting, maybe a bit of sexting, with zero intentions of leaving you... (Not that this would make anyone feel much better... but it's something)


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Isn't this all moot, though?

He's her EX bf.


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## rubpy3 (Nov 19, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> This is the danger of too much CWI. It breeds paranoia. I have to take this site in small doses or it makes me suspicious all over again.
> 
> It's made me think, at times, my wife can't ever even talk to other men. That's frankly stupid, but such can be the hysteria bred here.
> 
> ...



But, look at the demographic of CWI. I used to trust my WW completely. Girls night out? Sure. Reunions with old friends? Sure. Look what came out of my trusting my WW. 

How many dark secrets are out there in the general population? Who knows? 

I'm staying at my best friend's place right now while looking for my own place to separate from WW, but unknown to my friend's wife, my buddy is out banging an exchange student right now. Earlier this year, 2 of my coworkers, both faithful Christians, divorced due to affairs. 

We can try burying our heads in sands, but the truth is faithful spouses are far and few. 

When I get into another relationship in the future, would I be as trusting? Hell, no. Innocence is another dream that I had.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

rubpy3 said:


> But, look at the demographic of CWI. I used to trust my WW completely. Girls night out? Sure. Reunions with old friends? Sure. Look what came out of my trusting my WW.
> 
> How many dark secrets are out there in the general population? Who knows?
> 
> ...


I hear you. Every word.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> Reading this forum has got me thinking about my past relationships now....
> 
> I've always said that I've never been cheated on but now I've started to wonder. My ex bf one day out of the blue hit me with a blow. We were so happy in our relationship (at least I thought) and then one day he tells me he had been talking to this woman we both know on Facebook, who I was not fond of in general - don't like her personality. He said that they started out with just friendly chat and pretty soon she started flirting heavily with him.


At which point he blocked her (appropriate response). Anything other than a firm "No" only translates as "Try harder".



> He said he then told her that he was in love with me but she kept kept at it and got attached to him (these were his words). He said he then started avoiding/not responding to her but she kept writing to him. He said eventually she stopped but that she was really hurt. I can verify that she was hurt based on things she said/hinted at in her FB posts.


Which is why it escalated. He could have stopped her in her tracks at any point, but chose not to.



> He said that nothing happened between them. I believe that they didn't have a PA because she lives far away, but why would this woman be so very hurt? I also couldn't understand why he felt the need to tell me all this, when, frankly, I didn't need to know, since it seemed like nothing happened. Makes me wonder...


Use the experience to agree on firm boundaries and responses with your current or future boyfriend. Otherwise no use speculating, he's an ex.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

kristin2349 said:


> If its long over with let it go. He is now your EX, what do you really hope to figure out and what good will it do you?
> 
> Do you still talk to your EX? I'm not understanding what kind of help you are looking for.


Ah, Kristin! So it's never happened to you?  The moment when you see something in the paper, on TAM, on the TV or wherever, when your mind is suddenly drawn back to a time of years gone by, when you think -for example- "Why? Why *did* my ex dump me for someone else?"

Recently -and I don't know how this happened, or why- I thought of my first girl friend and her little daughter. I thought: "God! She'll be 34, now! Married with children of her own." You know what really sucked? There was a brief feeling of emotional pain when I realised that, although I still remembered her, that there was no way she would remember me.


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