# Being a better wife



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'd like this to be a companion thread for Lila's "Put you big girl panties on" thread as sort of a ladies' version of the Man Up/Be a Better Man sticky. Lila's thread is doing a great job of compiling strategies of protecting women from potentially bad marriages and divorces (something as a father of 3 girls I'm paying attention to). I'd like this to be about making the marriage you're already in a happier one for both you and your husband.

So ladies, what are some things you can think of for becoming a better woman and better wife? What are some things you already put into practice? What are some things you need to work on?

This can pertain to attitudes, health, ways you show appreciation...anything you can think of that can take a so-so marriage and make it better.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I will come reply on this thread soon....thanks for opening it, Fozzy!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Fozzy, I thought you were a man. GAH! I sometimes get peoples' genders wrong on TAM.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Fozzy, I thought you were a man. GAH! I sometimes get peoples' genders wrong on TAM.


This has been a subject of debate for many years.

*checks pants*

Yup. still a man.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Take some time to do nice things for yourself. Don't lose your life being Mom, employee, wife, maid, chef, etc. 

Budget to spend some money just on you, buy something you like, take a half day off work and don't use it to run errands or clean the house, just relax or do something fun. 

Some women get stuck in this trap of being super mom taking care of everything and everyone that they forget the most important part is to take care of yourself! Taking the time to do that will make you even better in your other roles (like wife, which is often one of the first ones to suffer when you have too many balls in the air).


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I think it is really interesting that the 2 posters so far, on a topic about how to be a better woman _and wife_ say take care of myself better!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Pre better wife: 
Right fight, fight to win not to solve.
Tried to turn him into what a "husband should be". Thought every damned thing was "disrespect" or "hurtful" even things that would have previously been fine or unnoticed. Looked like a total bait and switch to him.

Post better wife:
Listened to his PoV to understand not just to convince him he was wrong. Stopped placing judgement on his PoV. It had not changed by marrying me. It had not affected my choosing to marry him. So maybe I ought to seek to understand it.
Lightened up. Tried to see what he MEANT by what he said not read it through my uptight filter that actively looked for things to find disrespectful and hurtful.

Heading out now because this is where I get my ass handed to me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Fozzy said:


> This has been a subject of debate for many years.
> 
> *checks pants*
> 
> Yup. still a man.


:rofl: Made me laugh. Ok now I think it's double funny that a man created this particular thread in the Ladies Lounge.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Well it is sort of timely. Lots of men are actually hazed for trying to be better men and better husbands. But what CAN women do? The women on this board talk in circles. But what can they DO to solve marriage problems? You never ever hear about better empathy for your husband, except from jld. There is every bit as much useless stuff here as there in the men's clubhouse. Keep talking to him. Tell him what you want. Has this EVER worked? Women are stereotyped to be nags, why exactly? Men are called on their stupids, just keep appeasing her, talk at her some more, hate all women because your wife is not into you, with practical measures that they can try. But women. Yah not our problem, it's MEN. It is not easy on the ultra female biased board to give good advice. It is so much easier to hear, your DH is an ass.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Take some time to do nice things for yourself. Don't lose your life being Mom, employee, wife, maid, chef, etc.
> 
> Budget to spend some money just on you, buy something you like, take a half day off work and don't use it to run errands or clean the house, just relax or do something fun.
> 
> Some women get stuck in this trap of being super mom taking care of everything and everyone that they forget the most important part is to take care of yourself! Taking the time to do that will make you even better in your other roles (like wife, which is often one of the first ones to suffer when you have too many balls in the air).


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I struggle here, as I do everything for everyone else, and I lose myself. I'm learning now to be better at boundaries and speaking up to make sure my needs are met, instead of just letting it slide and becoming more resentful. 



I'll add that it's important to know what your own love language is in addition to your husband's love language, then make sure to use it. To be open and honest in communicating with your husband about how things are going and looking for good ways to compromise where both are happy.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well Fozzy....I guess you better define for us if you meant being a better woman or better wife?

They are not necessarily the same question and won't necessarily have the same answers.

To me, being a better woman in general is the same as being a better person.

Whereas being a better wife is far more specific and may include some of the same behaviors but will include many that have nothing to do with being a better person, only a better wife.

Which did you mean?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Amen!


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

The first one is the same as the other thread: Develop the confidence in yourself to be able to speak clearly, plainly, and kindly about your needs, wants, likes, dis-likes. Be willing to provide honest feedback. Keep the lines of communication open.

In addition, for a good marriage, educate yourself about "love busters", habits that nearly all people have which the kill a spouse's love. Become aware of disrespectful judgments, selfish demands, angry outbursts, annoying habits, independent behavior, and dishonesty, and eradicate them from your behavior.

Learn about emotional needs; find out your spouse's top emotional needs and work to meet them. Share your emotional needs with your husband and help him to meet them.

Be willing to spend a lot of 1:1 time frequently with your husband- make it priority. The recommended minimal time is 15 hours/week.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Well Fozzy....I guess you better define for us if you meant being a better woman or better wife?
> 
> They are not necessarily the same question and won't necessarily have the same answers.
> 
> ...


Well in the spirit of it being a marriage website, let's go with "better wife". I'm not sure if I should change the name of the thread or not. That may result in torches and pitchforks.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok, cool...I will tailor my answers around what has made me a better wife. 

soon!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok on being a better wife...I've learned:

*more patience

*more kindness

*more equality (goes both ways)

*learned how to make him feel like he's on top of the world...this was done by finding out his specific points of pride and uplifting them and him

*learned how to have good conversation for both of us

*learned how to place and enforce good boundaries (and learned how to not trample on his boundaries)

*learned his love languages and use them to make him feel loved

*learned how to make all his favorite foods (I don't cook so I had to start from zero here)

*track my cycle so I know how hormones may be affecting my moods and use this information when needed 

*used the Marriage Builders Emotional Needs questionaires to help us know each others needs and how best to meet them

*have done MC and IC as needed

*I show him love, respect, honor, loyalty and faithfulness every day in everything I do.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> Pre better wife:
> Right fight, fight to win not to solve.
> Tried to turn him into what a "husband should be". Thought every damned thing was "disrespect" or "hurtful" even things that would have previously been fine or unnoticed. Looked like a total bait and switch to him.
> 
> ...


This is interesting. What triggered this complete attitude shift? Did your husband respond immediately or did it take time?


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

More affection, it goes against my natural tendencies so I have to work at this all the time.

Ask him for help, I have a tendency to do too much and then get resentful. He won't help unless I ask. I also lean toward the too independent side.

Keep working on my health, mental and physical. Don't want to be a nuisance.

Watch his stupid effing TV shows without complaining about them. This one is really hard.

Just in general more kindness, more generocity, more understanding, more appreciation.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I will say this upfront, I am great wife material but that did not help my first marriage. 

IMHO the very first step to being a better woman/wife is to marry the right man. So simple but so many get it wrong. That is why I think the game playing thing is very counter intuitive (not that it had anything to do with any relationship I've had) and that is what I will instill in my kids, both genders, be your authentic self, develop a good EQ and take the time to find someone that is truly a good match. 

OK being a better woman:
I strive to find the best balance between taking care of my loved ones and myself. If I need time out, I take it.
I am realistic about what needs to be done in order to have a happy household that runs smoothly. I do what I can, he does what he can, we do stuff together and the stuff we don't want to do gets outsourced. There is no room in there for resentment over chores.

I listen well, but I need to learn to talk better.
I cook, I clean, I make sure everyone has what they need.
I iron his shirts even though he can do it. I do it as a little gesture too help him get his day started easier. 

I try my best to confidently discuss our sex life (hard thing for me at times due to past sexless marriage). This is a big factor in where we are at with our sex life, we both feel it is pretty much 10/10 we are at the stage where there is no improvement needed and now we are expanding our horizons to explore new things together which is fun.

Different situation for me as ours is a blended family but I put in a big amount of effort to take the correct place in the pecking order so things run smoothly. His ex has clinically diagnosed mental health issues which creates am added level of difficulty. I have had to be a better woman to incorporate all this into my life. I have to work hard to take it all on the chin so he does not get added pressure placed on him.

I adore good quality men, I am a good quality woman but I strive to learn more and be even better.
My job is to see my kids go out into the world with a positive, emotionally balanced attitude. I would hate for any of them to end up like the bitter element out there and I make them aware of their high value and to never treat others badly and not to allow themselves to be treated badly.

I am Superwoman woohoo


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

The single most important thing I started to do, to live my life more congruently, was confront myself. I favor the word congruent over better. 

What I mean by confronting myself is really taking a look at aspects of self as I see them: learning to self-regulate, being more vulnerable, what it is that I really want and need to express, what my boundaries are, and what is and isn't acceptable to me (either from myself or from others). My behavior, what I communicate (verbally and through action), follows on from this. 

I embrace feeling awkward, letting the cards fall, and muddling my way through things in order to learn. I'm also accepting that while my husband and I share experiences, his interpretation and the importance of it, will be different to mine.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

For everyone that has responded, how did your husbands react to these behaviors? Do they acknowledge them? Do you even seek acknowledgement of them or do you do these things simply to make your husband happy?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

The past is in the past. We can be aware of where we've been to learn from it but it doesn't need to stay with us. I don't reflect on our past issues with contempt. I see it as part of the journey to learn from. I'm thankful that we have been able to reach where we are together today.


How am I a compatible wife to my husband? 

We share similar outlooks on life. We have both learned a lot about ourselves and what our marriage needs. We are are both engaged and committed to each other and the marriage. We've learned to express more openly, confront and challenge if needed, and as it happens. 

I listen to what he communicates - this also includes listening to the non-verbal and spaces in between. All of it is communication. However just because I listen, doesn't mean I'm always hearing him correctly, despite good intentions. Sometimes I filter through my own perceptions, misinterpret and get it wrong, but I'm able to discover in the same conversation when that's happening so that we can have shared understanding. That sounds like a Dr Seuss story waiting to happen.

He values me being interdependent; he wants me to experience, taste, try, and explore life and has my back when I try new things. There's a balance here with still including one another. This isn't the double-edged sword that I once thought it was. It's actually a beautiful and supportive thing to share.

I discovered (or rediscovered) what intimacy means to him and how important that shared intimacy is to our sex life - to all aspects of our life.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Fozzy said:


> For everyone that has responded, how did your husbands react to these behaviors? Do they acknowledge them? Do you even seek acknowledgement of them or do you do these things simply to make your husband happy?


My motivation is first selfish. I don't view that with bad connotation. I'm leading with my sense of self. The roll-on is that I'm then able to be more open and essentially more loving, to my husband. 

When I'm aware that I'm regulating my thought patterns or altering behavior/actions that may be different for me to experience, that's the acknowledgement. And it's not just in my marriage, it's with various relationships and interactions.

How did my husband react to these changes? Well, truth be told, he was the first to start making his own changes. He inspired me. I can't say he's commented on how my behavior may be _different_ at times but he has said how much he's appreciated the way I've handled something... how he values my input, the respect he has, that kind of thing. I'd question if someone could confront themselves and change for someone else's approval. I really think it has to come from within. 

In saying that, I did point out to him the other day that I'm now a punctual person ha ha. I've had a long-standing history of running late for social occasions. He'd expressed a while ago what being late meant to him. I did take that on board but not just for him... I took it a step further and considered what kind of person I want to be. Turns out being disrespectful to others by not being punctual isn't one of them. Or maybe it's that I started to gain greater respect for myself that I could then demonstrate that to others though an action as simple as being on time. I could have thought that I'm just not restricted by such concepts of time but that didn't sit right with me. So yes, of recent times I've had a flawless track record of not only being punctual but a few minutes early (that early bit is for hubs' benefit though) and I did point out, while waiting for the others to arrive, that I'm one of those 'punctual' people now. He acknowledged that along with a nod and cheeky grin. Turns out it's a lot more relaxing to be on time!

We do acknowledge together how our relationship has changed and how far we've come from the pattern we'd developed. I think we might be growing up or something!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> This is interesting. What triggered this complete attitude shift? Did your husband respond immediately or did it take time?


I went on a usenet group to ask advice on how to get my husband to be ... all sorts of things. I got my attitude adjusted in a way that a moderated board, frankly, cannot do. It was rough. But I finally listened. Thank goodness or we would be divorced. He responded to some things immediately and some things more slowly. But he is a good guy. That is why I married him.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> For everyone that has responded, how did your husbands react to these behaviors? Do they acknowledge them? Do you even seek acknowledgement of them or do you do these things simply to make your husband happy?


Good question and again I will answer it from the POV of being with the right person to start with.

Ex husband was emotionally stunted and even though I was a good wife he never expressed anything, seriously this guy is like a block of wood. 
He certainly responded when I went into survival mode and yes I gave him grief but it was the only way to get any communication with him. 
I did all I could to make him happy but the big mistake was that I did it to my detriment, lost myself. Lesson learnt.

Current partner, he responds perfectly which reinforced my desire to do more to make him happier. 

I LOVE making my family happy, it is such a positive energy loop when he and the kids recognise my role and what I do. I love praise and acknowledgement, it makes me strive even harder. Life is short I intend to enjoy every bit of it, a happy household, happy kids, happy partner and very importantly a happy me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Holland said:


> *IMHO the very first step to being a better woman/wife is to marry the right man. *


I so agree with this... I feel I am a wonderful devoted loving wife to whom I am married to ...he "gets Me" like no other...he loves me with each & every quirk & all my flaws....he told me once he wouldn't change anything about me or It wouldn't be ME.. and I started to cry.. 

The worst blunder I have made in our marriage was NOT paying enough "attention" .... he's not a demanding man who speaks loudly his wants & needs, never a complainer...he can be subtle at times.. (rather opposite of myself by the way....Hear me roar! -but in a feisty fun way - this helps!).... so if I got too busy, preoccupied with something else, he just let me enjoy myself.. and waited till I came around... 

What made me a BETTER wife was really just stopping , smelling the roses...







... realizing what I ALWAYS HAD RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME... and digging deeper to get to know his vulnerable side.. and well.. insatiably wanting is body..this opening up our intimacy to new heights.. I felt so DRAWN to him like a magnet to steel....it revved our passion & Romance.... 

There is a deep gratitude there for me...how he's always been there for me...how he's handled me -even when I have pushed his limits, or his patience back in the day.... that I just want to keep giving back.. he deserves the world.. as much as I can give from my hand...

Heartsbeating shared this yrs ago.. I loved it so much..I saved it on the spot....



> *Heartsbeating said*: To me, a woman is someone that has maturity. She displays compassion, intuition, self-acceptance and strength. She is able to embrace and welcome. She is able to set boundaries and say no.
> 
> She is emotional but is not a slave to her emotions. She allows herself to be vulnerable. She has self-respect. She inspires. She is comfortable in her own skin and from that place, she helps to put others at ease too.
> 
> There is a kindness and softness as well as an inner strength. She is intelligent. And being intelligent doesn't equate to having a degree, no it's more than that. It's about wisdom and social intelligence. A woman is able to say sorry and admit her mistakes. A woman is someone you trust, you know you are seeing the real them, and you know she sees beyond the superficial. She has self-awareness.


..and of course... my longest answer is wrapped up in my thread below... can't speak for other men but I know MINE appreciates every point on that list making him a happier husband.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Don't watch over your partner like a hawk and correct him when he's not doing things your way, it's more likely going to stop him trying to do things than get him to do it the way you do.
Also just because your partner does something a different way than you doesn't mean he's automatically doing it wrong.


Something I've had to learn is some men like hugs, I'm not much of a hugger but had to learn to be a bit more affectionate.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

TiggyBlue said:


> *Don't watch over your partner like a hawk and correct him when he's not doing things your way, it's more likely going to stop him trying to do things than get him to do it the way you do.
> Also just because your partner does something a different way than you doesn't mean he's automatically doing it wrong.*
> 
> 
> Something I've had to learn is some men like hugs, I'm not much of a hugger but had to learn to be a bit more affectionate.


True, true. I have seen women do this and it makes me cringe.

When my kids were off the boob after BF (around the 12 month mark) they were pretty much on a plane with their dad for a dad and baby holiday back to his homeland. I had so many women look at me like I was an alien, how would he cope? How could I let him take the baby on his own, what would become of them?

Far out, he is their dad, a fully functioning man that is more than capable of caring for his kids.

Then later in life when we divorced we automatically did 50/50 shared care, we co parent well and both of us have different things to offer the kids.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Holland said:


> True, true. I have seen women do this and it makes me cringe.
> 
> When my kids were off the boob after BF (around the 12 month mark) they were pretty much on a plane with their dad for a dad and baby holiday back to his homeland. I had so many women look at me like I was an alien, how would he cope? How could I let him take the baby on his own, what would become of them?
> 
> ...



My own mother doesn't even believe I can take care of my own kids on my own. Kids are sick? Wife still has to work? OMG bring them to Grandma's house before you kill them!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

by changing husband


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

RoseAglow said:


> In addition, for a good marriage, educate yourself about "love busters", habits that nearly all people have which the kill a spouse's love. Become aware of disrespectful judgments, selfish demands, angry outbursts, annoying habits, independent behavior, and dishonesty, and eradicate them from your behavior.


Rose, what is "independent behavior" in the above? 

For me, a big part of become a healthier, less codependent person involved taking the focus off pleasing H and engaging in "independent" self-development activities. 

(Admittedly ours was not a healthy marriage. When we did MC in 2004, the MC said in 10 years he had never dealt with a more controlling client. H would never have given his "permission" for me to get the RN. He disliked and disapproved of me being too busy with that to fulfill all the servanthood roles he was used to. He didn't like me reading books which helped me to think more independently. He cancelled my IC appts and called up my medical provider to forbid any antidepressant prescriptions. He disapproved of my friends and had it been up to him would have isolated me from them. I "independently" rejected his disapproval and disrespectful judgments and continued my "independent behavior" of taking care of myself physically and mentally and getting together for Bible Study and support weekly.)


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Ok I have one more for the wife part.

If he gets home after you from work, meet him at the door with a quick hug and kiss and "hey babe, how was your day?" Even if yours was a mess too. 

While trying to repair things I noticed the days I would take the time to do this even when I didn't really feel like it, the rest of the night would be more loving.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Oh another thing. Learn our love languages. Not just to tell HIM how to speak MINE but how to hear him speak love naturally when otherwise it would have been an annoyance to me.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

FrenchFry said:


> Like I said, don't put up with sub-par sex.
> 
> Notice I didn't blame the husband--because putting up with sub-par sex is all on me as a wife.


I get your point now. Previously the "put up with" sounded self serving. I get it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Ok I have one more for the wife part.
> 
> If he gets home after you from work, meet him at the door with a quick hug and kiss and "hey babe, how was your day?" Even if yours was a mess too.
> 
> While trying to repair things I noticed the days I would take the time to do this even when I didn't really feel like it, the rest of the night would be more loving.


I always meet him either at the door or if not then as he walks in, a huge kiss and hug, daily. As I work few hours it is usually me that is already home when he gets here, on the odd occasion he is here first then he will greet me at the door or come out to the car to help if I have things to carry in.
It is such a simple ritual that sets the tone for a great evening together.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Blonde said:


> Rose, what is "independent behavior" in the above?
> 
> For me, a big part of become a healthier, less codependent person involved taking the focus off pleasing H and engaging in "independent" self-development activities.
> 
> (Admittedly ours was not a healthy marriage. When we did MC in 2004, the MC said in 10 years he had never dealt with a more controlling client. H would never have given his "permission" for me to get the RN. He disliked and disapproved of me being too busy with that to fulfill all the servanthood roles he was used to. He didn't like me reading books which helped me to think more independently. He cancelled my IC appts and called up my medical provider to forbid any antidepressant prescriptions. He disapproved of my friends and had it been up to him would have isolated me from them. I "independently" rejected his disapproval and disrespectful judgments and continued my "independent behavior" of taking care of myself physically and mentally and getting together for Bible Study and support weekly.)


Hi Blonde,

All of my items come from the Marriage Builder philosophy. Independent behavior (IB) is when one spouse just goes off and does whatever s/he wants to do, without regard for the other spouse's feelings, needs, or thoughts on it.

IBs is a Love Buster. Your husband calling up your IC and medical providers without your permission is a HUGE IB and it is a big love buster. Him making all the decisions and wanting to control the show is a philosophy of marriage that is all based on male IB. It sounds like he was IB-ing you day in and day out throughout your marriage.

The entire MB premise is that marriage is a relationship of "extraordinary care." In marriage, everyone one spouse does affects the other. If you have a spouse who will not stop the Love Busters and/or will not meet your emotional needs, you are encouraged to leave the marriage. This is especially true for women- he will encourage women to leave much faster than men. The abuse affects women's health much faster and more significantly. I have heard Dr. Harley recommend divorce before, and he has a section on his website on "When to Call it Quits." I have zero doubt that had you spoken with him, he would have directed you to that section.

You pushing ahead and getting your RN, getting help, and ultimately leaving were the right moves. Your husband was not willing to make changes and your only options were to leave, or to continue to endure the abuse on not only you, but your on your children. 

In your case, Independence was the best route.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Blonde said:


> (Admittedly ours was not a healthy marriage. When we did MC in 2004, the MC said in 10 years he had never dealt with a more controlling client. H would never have given his "permission" for me to get the RN. He disliked and disapproved of me being too busy with that to fulfill all the servanthood roles he was used to. He didn't like me reading books which helped me to think more independently. He cancelled my IC appts and called up my medical provider to forbid any antidepressant prescriptions. He disapproved of my friends and had it been up to him would have isolated me from them. I "independently" rejected his disapproval and disrespectful judgments and continued my "independent behavior" of taking care of myself physically and mentally and getting together for Bible Study and support weekly.)



This is OT, but I'm so glad you are free of that now, Blonde!


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Appreciate him for who he is, not who you want him to be.

Encourage him to pursue what makes him happy, and to grow in the ways that he wants to.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Lila said:


> One thing I found helped me be a better wife was to praise my H for all that he does for the family, but more importantly for being a great husband.


I totally agree with this. Yes i found this too. I found it helped me become a better wife, thanking my husband and letting him know how lucky i am to have a man like him.... Telling him how much appreciate him for working his balls off for us everyday, so we can all have nice things.

I am forever telling him how lucky i am to have him.

I found i became better by showing him more respect, not questioning him all the time, and nagging him for stupid little trivial things that hardly mean anything....

Making his life as easy as possible and showing him as much love as i can.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Fozzy, 
I don't know if men are supposed to reply to this thread, but I will anyway.
What can my woman do to be a better wife?
That's easy, worship my c*ck.

Seriously, I know it's shallow and all, but I will go to hell and back for a woman that worships my one eyed snake.
When this happens all I want to do is become the man that instills this sort of worship in her.

You can leave the house a mess, forget my birthday, anniversary, Christmas, wreck the car, leave the garbage out for the dogs to eat, run into the house and smash the garage door, make the worst tasting food everyday (all mistakes IMO) but if you look at my schlong like it's your most favorite flavored ice cream and relish every lick, all is forgiven.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

UMP said:


> Fozzy,
> I don't know if men are supposed to reply to this thread, but I will anyway.
> What can my woman do to be a better wife?
> That's easy, worship my c*ck.


When I mentioned this thread to my husband, he made a ... um,... gesture with his tongue in the inside of his mouth.



> Seriously, I know it's shallow and all, but I will go to hell and back for a woman that worships my one eyed snake.
> When this happens all I want to do is become the man that instills this sort of worship in her.
> 
> You can scream at me, hit me, call me names, leave the house a mess, forget my birthday, anniversary, Christmas, wreck the car, leave the garbage out for the dogs to eat, run into the house and smash the garage door, make the worst tasting food everyday, make me drive all over the city to find that thing you want, but if you look at my schlong like it's your most favorite flavored ice cream and relish every lick, all is forgiven.


Huh. I would come to hate a man like this. If my husband allowed this kind of awful treatment, he would not be a man to me.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> When I mentioned this thread to my husband, he made a ... um,... gesture with his tongue in the inside of his mouth.
> 
> 
> 
> Huh. I would come to hate a man like this. If my husband allowed this kind of awful treatment, he would not be a man to me.


Who said my wife treats me like this?
My wife treats me MUCH better than I deserve and that's the truth.

What I am insinuating is that c%ck worship will cover a multitude of errors.
If you don't believe me, ask your husband.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

It will cover a multitude of errors, absolutely. Not disrespect though.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

UMP said:


> Who said my wife treats me like this?
> My wife treats me MUCH better than I deserve and that's the truth.
> 
> What I am insinuating is that c%ck worship will cover a multitude of errors.
> If you don't believe me, ask your husband.


Lol.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

UMP said:


> Who said my wife treats me like this?
> My wife treats me MUCH better than I deserve and that's the truth.
> 
> What I am insinuating is that c%ck worship will cover a multitude of errors.
> If you don't believe me, ask your husband.


Sure it will cover errors. But you said, I would put up with... a bunch of stuff you shouldn't. Probably hyperbole. It's all good.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> It will cover a multitude of errors, absolutely. Not disrespect though.


Yes, 

Maybe I misspoke because honestly my wife has never really disrespected me. Or at least I've never felt disrespected. If she did, maybe I would not be so flippant about saying I would put up with it.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Sure it will cover errors. But you said, I would put up with... a bunch of stuff you shouldn't. Probably hyperbole. It's all good.


I will change my post to be more accurate.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

UMP said:


> What I am insinuating is that c%ck worship will cover a multitude of errors.
> If you don't believe me, ask your husband.


Doesn't work when your husband is lower drive than you, so won't work for me. 

I try to do little surprises for my husband, in different ways to show I love him. I'll leave a note for him on the small white board, a sticky note somewhere, or a note in his work pants that he'll find later. Random text messages during the day. Just different ways to let him know how I feel.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

In the style of UMP:

apron
high heels 
nothing else
steak
red wine
red lipstick

all is forgiven


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Anon1111 said:


> In the style of UMP:
> 
> apron
> high heels
> ...


"or swiped under the rug....


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> For everyone that has responded, how did your husbands react to these behaviors? Do they acknowledge them? Do you even seek acknowledgement of them or do you do these things simply to make your husband happy?


I do them because i enjoy making my husband happy.... When we first met, my attitude was not bad but it was not really good if you know what i mean. I was use to getting my own way and always wanting things my own way. My husband was so laid back that he just let me get away with it... Not saying i was a witch or anything lol but just a little how may i say it stubborn...

I got tired of being a bossy nag... I think as time went i he got tired of it ... I felt it was time to change myself a bit, I felt i was lacking respect for him and i knew it was wrong... The more i changed the more i saw a change in him.. Hard to explain really.

I do not really need acknowledgement, I do not do it because i want to, and now it comes naturally.

He pretty much now runs things and hes always the one with the final say on things... Years ago hell would have frozen over before i would have let that happen.

I have seen a change in me through the years and i am happy about those changes....

The house is a happier household for it....


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

For you UMP....

Sexy+Positive Blog: How to Worship a Man's Body

(from the post)

10. Worship his penis.

Yes that's what I said, worship it. If you want to and he wants it to be worshiped, do it! It is so fun! This can be done all by itself, it can be done in the form of giving a man oral sex, it can be done just verbally or just visually by handling it and looking at it. Buy special sex gear and toys to dress it up all fancy. Penis worship doesn't always have to be sexual, it could be just sensual or even erotically humorous. There are many fun non-sexual things a penis can do if you have an imagination. 

Worship the non-erect penis, and the testicles, too. The skin is so soft and interesting. To worship it, really look at it, get to know the whole area in all of it's states. Beautiful!

I worship my husband's penis on a deeply lustful and sexual level, and I have many different ways of worshiping it. However, it is just one part of his beautiful body that I worship every day. (But I do worship it every day. Hee.)


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

UMP said:


> Who said my wife treats me like this?
> My wife treats me MUCH better than I deserve and that's the truth.
> 
> What I am insinuating is that c%ck worship will cover a multitude of errors.
> If you don't believe me, ask your husband.


:lol::rofl::rofl::lol:

Damn. Wasted a C note on a w/e marriage retreat. Where were you a week ago??


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> There is a deep gratitude there for me...


So much can be said for gratitude... at the heart of it all... thank you, SA.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> I worship my husband's penis on a deeply lustful and sexual level, and I have many different ways of worshiping it. However, it is just one part of his beautiful body that I worship every day. (But I do worship it every day. Hee.)


'It is so fun!' and 'Hee' at the end made me laugh. I love the playfulness of this post. It's great to have your voice here.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> So ladies, what are some things you can think of for becoming a better woman and better wife? What are some things you already put into practice? What are some things you need to work on?
> 
> This can pertain to attitudes, health, ways you show appreciation...anything you can think of that can take a so-so marriage and make it better.


I need to work on relaxing when it comes to worst case scenarios. While I'm a positive and upbeat person in general, I tend to always think of the worst possible outcome. I call it being prepared; he calls it being a mental doomsday prepper.  

I'm also working on communication. My BF has taught me many positive things. My skills were piss-poor after living with an abusive ex BF for 12 years. I am still a work in progress. BF has taught me I don't need to yell to get my point across. In my past, it was how I survived.

I'm kind of old fashioned. While I'm independent, I enjoy doing typical 'housewife' things for him. Cooking, baking, making sure he's comfortable, and maintaining a cheerful disposition. It comes naturally to me.

Although I'm no fitness model (not by any stretch, oh how I wish!), I regularly work out. It's first and foremost for myself. I feel better when I'm active and he reaps the benefits.

Although he's my best friend, I have healthy friendships outside of our relationship. I'm not dependent upon him for my happiness.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My oldest two daughters are at the marrying age and every bridal shower I've attended has included some sort of game in which we've been asked to write a sentence or two about tips for the bride.

Here is what I've written:

1. Talk about sex honestly and openly. Sex is important.
2. Learn what makes him feel loved and do it often. Expect the same from him.
3. Show appreciation widely for little things and for big things. He will slay more dragons (kill more spiders) if he knows his faire maiden will faint in his arms (tell him he is your hero.)
4. Expectations unexpressed are secret ideas. Share your secrets.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> My oldest two daughters are at the marrying age and every bridal shower I've attended has included some sort of game in which we've been asked to write a sentence or two about tips for the bride.
> 
> Here is what I've written:
> 
> ...


My wife and I just attended a seminar about freeing your spouse from your expectations. It was eye-opening.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Anon Pink
that is a nice list.

I think it is very important in a relationship to let your partner know what you want so that they try to do it. At the same time you need to be willing to listen to what your partner wants to see if you can do it for them.



Anon Pink said:


> My oldest two daughters are at the marrying age and every bridal shower I've attended has included some sort of game in which we've been asked to write a sentence or two about tips for the bride.
> 
> Here is what I've written:
> 
> ...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> My wife and I just attended a seminar about freeing your spouse from your expectations. It was eye-opening.


Was the key to freeing them you lowering your expectations? Telling them your expectations? Or something else?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Holland said:


> Was the key to freeing them you lowering your expectations? Telling them your expectations? Or something else?


Part of it is realizing that you and your spouse don't owe each other anything at all.

Part of it is recategorizing in your own mind your expecations of your spouse into desires. It's ok to have desires, but when your desires become expectations you're simply setting your spouse up to fail.

The final piece is a shifting from operating on a 50/50 compromise basis (what can I realistically GET from my spouse) to a basis of not expecting anything at all, but each spouse takes it upon themselves to do their best to satisfy each other's desires.

Example: If my wife wants me to get a better paying job, and EXPECTS it of me, things will be a lot crappier for both of us if I fail to come through. It puts pressure on me to satisfy her expectation. It sets both of us up for disappointment.

The flipside of this is that you also have a responsibility to be realistic about communicating your desires. My wife might desire to be married to a professional athlete. That is never going to happen, and there isn't a way for me to ever deliver on that, so it again sets us up for disappointment.

Basically--if you put each other first, there's no room left for expectations.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Part of it is realizing that you and your spouse don't owe each other anything at all.


I've said this a number of times, and people go apesh*t on me.

What it really means is that anything you give freely is a gift, not an obligation.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

It comes from the mindset that if your spouse doesn't owe you anything, then you won't GET anything. That mindset is focused on taking, rather than giving.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Part of it is realizing that you and your spouse don't owe each other anything at all.
> 
> Part of it is recategorizing in your own mind your expecations of your spouse into desires. It's ok to have desires, but when your desires become expectations you're simply setting your spouse up to fail.
> 
> ...


This is solid. I'm trying to do this very thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*Re: Re: Being a better wife*



lucy999 said:


> I need to work on relaxing when it comes to worst case scenarios. While I'm a positive and upbeat person in general, I tend to always think of the worst possible outcome. I call it being prepared; he calls it being a mental doomsday prepper.
> 
> I'm also working on communication. My BF has taught me many positive things. My skills were piss-poor after living with an abusive ex BF for 12 years. I am still a work in progress. BF has taught me I don't need to yell to get my point across. In my past, it was how I survived.
> 
> ...


Tgrt


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Thanks Fozzy I am going to read and reread and do some thinking on what you have written. Cheers


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Holland said:


> Thanks Fozzy I am going to read and reread and do some thinking on what you have written. Cheers


Cuz Fozzy is the man. Or one of them anyway.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

My tip is to show interest in what your husband is interested in even if you aren't. My husband loves sports, especially football. He will often talk about what's going on with what team, who is injured who is being traded etc Do I care? NO it doesn't interest me in the least. But I listen to him, comment and maybe ask a question. I go to games with him too, just to spend time with him.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I like to ask myself questions..

What can I do today to bless my H's heart? Touch his heart? Get his adrenaline revving?

What can I do today to make sure he has the emotional support he needs from me? And serve my family?

What can I do to relax more, create more fun, peace and joy in our home?

What do I need to address in myself to be my best version of me for my family?

I live with a spirit if gratitude, strength and grace.

When the rough times come... How can I express myself without causing additional damage to us? And listen well to his heart right now? Yet rightfully stand in the truth, not be afraid to stand in it and know best boundary practice to serve our authentic vitality.

I pray, seek God's face, ask Him to soften my heart, to help us navigate well. I seek to learn Jesus. Learn who I am through Him, stand in that truth of how He expects me to be treated and how He expects me to treat my H. Allow Him to fuel my deepest happiness then allowing that to spill over onto my H. 

And I c0ck worship . Can't help it...


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## gettingout (Jan 15, 2013)

I'm writing this from the perspective of not ever knowing if she will ever be someone's wife again or in a LT relationship: but I am interested in not failing again. Even though my ex has plenty of problems, on the next go around I hope I am more appreciative/understanding of sexual needs (ironically that part was improving before it went bust) and better able to stroke egos/make him feel like he is on the top of the world - ie a place to call home. I think everything else I did, but I don't exactly have that "soft touch." That is what I need to work on....


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

TiggyBlue said:


> Don't watch over your partner like a hawk and correct him when he's not doing things your way, it's more likely going to stop him trying to do things than get him to do it the way you do.
> Also just because your partner does something a different way than you doesn't mean he's automatically doing it wrong.
> 
> 
> Something I've had to learn is some men like hugs, I'm not much of a hugger but had to learn to be a bit more affectionate.


This is a big problem for me. My wife seems to think she needs to tell me how to do everything. I have to tell her all the time, I am a fully functioning adult, I am capable of doing almost anything. M

My job requires me to have plumbing, electrical, carpentry and HVAC skills. I have done things most men wouldn't even attempt.

Just the other day while I was adding gas to my chainsaw, she "had" to tell me when to stop so I wouldn't over fill it and spill the gas. I looked at her and said "really". It made her laugh because she knew what I meant. But it doesn't stop her from doing it and it annoys me to no end.


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