# Should I Consider This Cheating?



## whynotme (May 18, 2010)

Hi All,

I'm still processing emotions and am very sad. I see the judge next week to finalize the divorce. It's not so much about the relationship I had, for me, I feel I never should have married the guy in the first place. It was a bad judgement call on my part, and now I am dealing with the wreck and (I feel) ruin of my life.

I have been separated for just over a year now, and I still have contact with my stbx for financial reasons. He is engaged to someone else and is living with her in another state. I have no idea how they met, or anything...after I left him last year, he had a girlfriend installed in our apartment w/in 3 weeks (the girl he is engaged to is a different person). I guess I should say we hadn't slept together in 7 months before I left.

He doesn't think he is doing anything wrong because I walked out on him and the marriage. However, as of today, we are still married. Logic tells me that if we had been in love, I would feel betrayed that he could move on so quickly, but I know I stopped caring for him about 2 years into the marriage (married for 4, together for 5). I checked out because he threatened to hit me during a routine argument, and even though I stayed for 2 years after the threat, I was just biding my time and getting up my courage to leave him.

I have asked him, did he sleep with anyone else while I was still living with him, and he swears up and down no way. However, he has done other things (financial) behind my back, so I don't know if I can believe him. I really have no way of finding out the truth though. So my question is...is he cheating on me? Or is this a technicality and not really considered cheating since the relationship was pretty much over anyway? What do you think?


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

You left and told him it was over - I think while Technically it is cheating on you - its not really. If you had harbored love or had been working on the marriage, then yes it would be cheating. But you were done, you told him you were done, packed your bags and left, and he moved on with his life. Sounds like neither of you were still invested in the marriage at that point.


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## whynotme (May 18, 2010)

Thanks for your reply. Yeah, no matter what happens, I sure don't want him back. The next girl is welcome to him.


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## whynotme (May 18, 2010)

Basically, the only reason I started wondering is because when I was talking to my Dad about all the things that had happened, my Dad said, "If he moved someone else in that soon after you left, he probably already had them lined up before you split." Meaning, the girlfriend he had might already have been in the picture...my Dad seemed to think it was a possibility - it was the man's point of view...

Anyone else think that's true? Or have any ideas on how I could find out...? 

I have the first girl's phone number...but of course they don't speak now. I thought about contacting her just to ask...but I'm not trying to get all Jerry Springer with my life and open a can of worms. And I can't even be sure she would tell me the truth anyway, I mean she knew he was still married when she got with him.

Even though I left him and DON'T want him back, cheating's a big deal. I've been tested for major STD's since leaving him but not all of them. Since I am still coping with all this (yes divorce is still hard, even when you wanted to leave because no one gets married to get divorced - I did love him until he threatened to hit me) knowing whether or not he cheated on me would greatly help they way I think of the relationship. Kind of in a, "I knew you were bad, I just didn't know HOW bad" kind of way.

Well, I realize I will probably have to let this go without getting a clear answer one way or another. You know how when somebody close to you suggests something it starts you thinking. Knowing that he cheated before I left him...I'm not sure what it would do for me but if it happened I would like to know. But if I never find out it's okay, the reasons that I DID leave him (and there were many - the threat was the last straw) were valid and I stand by them regardless.

Thanks for listening to my little rant...


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

I have to agree with your Dad-it sure didn't take him long to find somebody else. Wow, that sure was fast.
Technically, I wouldn't consider it cheating, but if you hadn't left your marriage, he more than likely would have gotten involved with this woman, and then it would be considered cheating.
Just my two cents.


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