# My EA still has pulse.



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

The OM has started to contact me, showing me he's interested in talking to me.
The problem is he's in a relationship. He has a gf he likes but he told me sex gets boring with her after 2 years. He basically wants me to chim in at the moment he breaks up with his gf. 
A little background, we got to know each other online 3 years ago and chatted for a year until this girl showed up, I left him and she became his gf.
Now 2 years past, we seldom talked to each other ever since but I was like a quiet faithful dog staying in his buddy list of facebook, and I paid attention to his news, photo and update. I tried not to disturb him because he's in the relationship but I know my heart didn't let him go because I was not able to remove him from my dreams and my mind. I sms him greeting and email him to keep him posted. I just want to be a friend, including my criticising his gf not being serious with him... I just want to be an outsider, a friend until the day I'm able to remove him from my passion. Good thing is I never had a PA with him but simply had a crush, a very stupid but long EA. It's dammmn crush though... When he contacted me my heart still beat faster! 
Now I'm completedly troubled. He's annoyed with me at the moment, probably because he complained that I sent him too many email (response) when he's in the relationship. 
Anyway, he wants me to wait.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

This is crazy, have you ever thought maybe this man isn't the one for you, if he can do this to his girlfriend, what makes you think he won't get bored with you...........
If the can cheat on someone else they will cheat on you, you are dumb to think anything different.......
Find someone good that doesn't have this in them, a life time of commitment is what you want from a partner, not someone ready to jump when he gets bored............


----------



## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

You are just setting yourself up for more disappointment.
Drop him and move on.


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

MsLonely... you are better than this, atleast i hope you are. Does this guy sound like relationship material to you. He's ripping the girl he's with, already setting up his fall back with you for when he bails. But at the same breath, he's telling you to back off. We understand you love the attention that he gives to you, but there has to be guys with less baggage then this who will be good to you. This guy sounds like a 2 year stop gap, with the end result of you being in tears.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

jessi said:


> This is crazy, have you ever thought maybe this man isn't the one for you, if he can do this to his girlfriend, what makes you think he won't get bored with you...........
> If the can cheat on someone else they will cheat on you, you are dumb to think anything different.......
> Find someone good that doesn't have this in them, a life time of commitment is what you want from a partner, not someone ready to jump when he gets bored............


Thank you, I know it crazy but I can't control my feelings & emotion. I wish I can find a way to erase him from my memories...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

DanF said:


> You are just setting yourself up for more disappointment.
> Drop him and move on.


Thank you. I will control myself not to contact him but I don't know how long I can keep my mouth zipped.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> MsLonely... you are better than this, atleast i hope you are. Does this guy sound like relationship material to you. He's ripping the girl he's with, already setting up his fall back with you for when he bails. But at the same breath, he's telling you to back off. We understand you love the attention that he gives to you, but there has to be guys with less baggage then this who will be good to you. This guy sounds like a 2 year stop gap, with the end result of you being in tears.


You're totally right. I do love his attention as a friend.
He instead wants to have the gf and keep me pending at the same time.
He told me he's not planning to marry his gf. What a shame!


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

MsLonely,

Please don't be content to be someone's second-chair fiddle. You deserve to be #1 to someone and should expect and demand that, of yourself and from whomever you hook up with. Why stand in the cold with your nose pressed against someone's window, your belly growling, when you could be somewhere warm, feasting? Don't wait around for someone to decide they can be bothered to toss you a few crumbs. You're worth more than that.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Mslonely,

You tell us that your husband loves you unconditionally and loves you a lot. How about you?

Do you love him? 

If you love him, then why can't you stop your contacts with this other man?


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Thank you, I know it crazy but I can't control my feelings & emotion. I wish I can find a way to erase him from my memories...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't need to control your feelings. Only your actions. Your feelings will work themselves out later after he is gone.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> MsLonely,
> 
> Please don't be content to be someone's second-chair fiddle. You deserve to be #1 to someone and should expect and demand that, of yourself and from whomever you hook up with. Why stand in the cold with your nose pressed against someone's window, your belly growling, when you could be somewhere warm, feasting? Don't wait around for someone to decide they can be bothered to toss you a few crumbs. You're worth more than that.


Thank you very much for your comments. I understand what you mean. I'm like his street dog. He loves to throw me bones once in a while and demanded me not to make noise and wait. I'm mad at him. Considering he's the OM, I have a husband who treats me as #1, the only problem I have is I'm not able to withdraw myself from the crush. I told my husband about it but he's not worrying because I never had a PA and he said my EA is not cheating. 
I have to fight with my emotion alone which made me very confused when the OM contacted me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Mslonely,
> 
> You tell us that your husband loves you unconditionally and loves you a lot. How about you?
> 
> ...


I do love my husband. He's this kind of family guy who doesn't like to worry about anything except his work & politics.
When I speak to him about emotion stuffs, he can't quite understand and not interested in relationship topics. He told me they only my imaginations.
It's more than imaginations but I don't know how to explain.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I'm controlling myself not to reply his email but I don't know how long I can ignore my feelings and how long I'm able to ignore him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Well perhaps technology can come to your aid? Block him so you don't HAVE to ignore him.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Admittedly, I don't know you well but by your post count I guess your story must be hashed out here somewhere...

But, really there is nothing that your whole story could say that would change the fact that this post makes me sick to my stomach. I actually have cramps and want to throw up right now. It's monsterous and pathetic and I pray that there are no children involved in this.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I do love my husband. He's this kind of family guy who doesn't like to worry about anything except his work & politics.
> When I speak to him about emotion stuffs, he can't quite understand and not interested in relationship topics. He told me they only my imaginations.
> It's more than imaginations but I don't know how to explain.


I don't want to make you feel bad, I do feel that your husband is treating you nicely in his way, but not in your way. I don't think he understands what a woman likes and what you like. That's why you were having this emotional affair because you were emotional empty. 

There are a lot of men who are like your husband. They don't know much about women. But hey, there are a lot of women who don't know much about men either. 

But thinking too much about this other man won't help your life at all. When you are in a marriage, and you want to stay in this marriage, it will make you feel guilty that you are thinking about another man. It is not healthy for you since you always feel this guilt and longing. And you know clearly you can't get what you long for, it makes you feel worse. Am I right? If I am wrong, don't mind, it's not the first time I say things wrong!


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

We often want that which is bad for us. If you had your heart's desire and this clown left his other relationship and turned his attention toward you, all you'd have is a guy who cheats and couldn't be trusted. Do you imagine he'd treat you differently? Relief from your misery is a couple keystrokes away. You have trained your mind to admire qualities in the OM that he frankly doesn't really have. You can focus on the real man that you actually do have and your emotions and heart will soon feel at least as fondly toward him. Humans can mentally talk themselves into or out of virtually anything.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thanks very much to all! I really appreciated the insights.
Tonight I suddenly understand that the OM is nothing but a curse to my marriage.
He only brings me pain and turns my marriage upside down. Nothing good he ever brought to me.
In the other hand, my husband is my blessing. I was blessed when I found him. He's the one who always brings me happiness, love and security.
I'm not going to interact with the OM. I'm done with this curse of my marriage. This understanding really helped me to remove the crush, actually not crush, but curse.
Thank you everyone! Your words really help me to sort things out!
I might not in this forum often anymore since I have received good insights and advice, so all the troubles in my marriage should be solved because I'm clear enough about all these EA dammn things.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> I don't want to make you feel bad, I do feel that your husband is treating you nicely in his way, but not in your way. I don't think he understands what a woman likes and what you like. That's why you were having this emotional affair because you were emotional empty.
> 
> There are a lot of men who are like your husband. They don't know much about women. But hey, there are a lot of women who don't know much about men either.
> 
> But thinking too much about this other man won't help your life at all. When you are in a marriage, and you want to stay in this marriage, it will make you feel guilty that you are thinking about another man. It is not healthy for you since you always feel this guilt and longing. And you know clearly you can't get what you long for, it makes you feel worse. Am I right? If I am wrong, don't mind, it's not the first time I say things wrong!


What you said is very true and correct. The OM can over give me the affection that I want. He only gives me pain and confusion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

> The OM has started to contact me, showing me he's interested in talking to me.
> *A. The problem is he's in a relationship*. He has a gf he likes but *B. he told me sex gets boring with her after 2 years.* He basically *C. wants me to chime in at the moment he breaks up with his gf*.
> A little background, we got to know each other online 3 years ago and chatted for a year until this girl showed up, I left him and she became his gf.
> Now 2 years past, we seldom talked to each other ever since but 1. I was like a quiet faithful dog staying in his buddy list of facebook, and 2. I paid attention to his news, 3. photo and 4. update. I tried not to disturb him because he's in the relationship but I know 5. my heart didn't let him go because I was not able to remove him from my dreams and my mind. 6. I sms him greeting and 7. email him to keep him posted. I just want to be a friend, including my 8. criticising his gf not being serious with him... I just want to be an outsider, 9. a friend until the day I'm able to remove him from my passion. Good thing is I never had a PA with him but simply had a crush, a very stupid but long EA. It's dammmn crush though... When he contacted me my heart still beat faster!
> ...


MsLonely~

Did you notice how HARD you are working to keep this emotional affair alive? You keep claiming that it just won't die, etc. but my GOODNESS look at all the effort you put into breathing life into something that is dying! 

Do you see up above that I underlined nine specific things you actively do and keep doing so it doesn't die? You stayed as a friend on his FB, so you are exerting effort to stay connected to him. You take the time to stay up-to-date on his status/news, so that takes your time and some exertion. You take the time to look at his photos, so that means you open them and daydream a little and that takes definite action. You take the time to follow his updates and this takes your personal energy and your mind. 

You say your heart didn't let him go, but I don't think it's some esoteric "heart" that won't let him go so much. I think it's YOU! You make deliberate, calculated, intentional choices and actions to make sure that it has NO CHANCE TO DIE! It's not star-fated lovers--you have worked HARD to make sure that your affections stay with him rather than being directed at your husband. 

You sms him regularly to "greet him". What if you put just that much effort into your husband. Rather than focusing on the OM, what if you made that much effort to think ahead of your husband, think of something that would please him or make him laugh..and you sms'ed him regularly to greet him? Do you think it's possible some of your feelings for the OM might cool while the feelings for your husband might heat up? Maybe? You also say you email him (the OM) regularly to "keep him posted". How purposeful and intentional is that--to keep emailing this other man, to whom you owe no affection or loyalty? Beyond that, you even make the effort to encourage him to do be dishonest, unethical and unscrupulous with his girlfriend--I guess so *you* can have him--but if you really cared about HIM , you'd be encouraging him to do the right thing, be a better man, be honest and support him in being ethical! 

MsLonely, I hope you can see that this is just not some "mumbo jumbo" passion that you have tried very hard to let go but no matter what you do, it overwhelms you. You have been continue very deliberate, calculated, conscious actions to make sure that you can't move on! 

I would challenge you. If you TRULY want to rebuild your marriage and grow to love your husband again, I throw down this challenge. Unfriend the OM on FB. In fact, you may even want to delete your FB altogether just to avoid temptation. Any time you would have been reading his status, looking at his photos, or keeping up on his news ... invest that time instead on gazing at your husband, looking at HIS photo, day dreaming about him, and finding out about his status or news. You made a voluntary promise to your husband when you married him that you would forsake all others and give him 100% of your affection and loyalty, so be as interested in him as you once were in the OM. 

Block the OM from your email. In fact, you may want to delete your email address and make a new one that the OM doesn't even know. Let your husband see every single email you receive and send--every single one. Write everything *as if* he was right there reading over your shoulder. And every time you would have kept the OM "up-to-date" send your husband your thoughts and feelings and updates. 

Block the OM from your sms/cell phone. In fact, you may want to change your cell phone number just so you aren't tempted! Never, EVER, *EVER *text or call the OM again, and every time you would have sent your OM an sms...send one to your hubby instead. Send him smooshy ones. Send him silly ones. Send him red-hot sexy ones. PUT YOUR EFFORT INTO YOUR HUSBAND. 

I guarantee you that your feelings for the OM will be like sort of a memory at most if you just stop making all the deliberate choices to keep it alive. If you make the decision that you want the A to die, and make choices to ACT on that decision--it will die. If you make the decision that you will keep holding on and breathing life into it, and make choices to act on that decision as you have been--then it will linger. You have to CHOOSE to ACT and cut him completely off and get him out of your life. Every aspect.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> We often want that which is bad for us. If you had your heart's desire and this clown left his other relationship and turned his attention toward you, all you'd have is a guy who cheats and couldn't be trusted. Do you imagine he'd treat you differently? Relief from your misery is a couple keystrokes away. You have trained your mind to admire qualities in the OM that he frankly doesn't really have. You can focus on the real man that you actually do have and your emotions and heart will soon feel at least as fondly toward him. Humans can mentally talk themselves into or out of virtually anything.


Thank you and you're right. My mistake was I didn't focus on my husband but I took his love and kindness for granted. I'm a wayward spouse. I'm so wayward that I let myself go too far for that OM.

My husband provided me everything and made sure nothing I lacked. 
My husband spoil me to an extreme, and it could be a reason I become immature and wayward. 

I will start focusing on my husband and cherishing his love. I will write him emails and loving sms, although it's not a very exciting thing for me to do.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank you for the very good insights & challenges, Affaircare!

You have just pointed out a problem that I have been doing.

Honestly, I already did what you suggested & I'm working hard to delete the OM meanwhile I'm also working hard to keep him in my memories. It's a weird situation and I don't exactly understand myself.

I also changed my email and blocked him at least 5 times. 

I also blocked & removed everyone in my buddy list and I don't allow myself to use msn messenger anymore.

He's the last but the most serious cursed crush that I had in my 30s.
I'm a full grown up woman, but I had such stupid crush as if I'm an immature teenager, which is very silly.

I can delete him 100 times, but every now and then he would show up in my dreams to confuse me. Then the bad history repeats itself: I opened another FB and another email ID... not much longer, we stay in contact again, then I blocked and deleted. Things like that going into a circle for 3 years. I'm totally troubled in such childish emotional trap but not able to find away to get out of it.

This curse is following me and it has a hold on my emotion. My marriage is cursed when I met the OM.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

What I have realised is my brain told me it's wrong, my emotion won't listen to the brain... 

I think the real challenge is deep within. I have no idea what made me lost my control of my emotion.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Neither your brain or your emotions are doing anything to you. You are doing this to yourself. Every time you think of something, you reinforce the electrical connections in your brain regarding that "something". Spend time linking OM with positive emotions and you train your brain to consider him important and wonderful and you train your brain to consider your husband insignificant. Your brain only does what you teach it to do. Every time you start thinking about OM, have a wonderful memory of your husband handy and immediately switch to that. You can retrain your brain.
Your emotions, feelings, "heart", all that stuff actually happens between the ears. OM has become a bad habit and, with time, you can change it.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Neither your brain or your emotions are doing anything to you. You are doing this to yourself. Every time you think of something, you reinforce the electrical connections in your brain regarding that "something". Spend time linking OM with positive emotions and you train your brain to consider him important and wonderful and you train your brain to consider your husband insignificant. Your brain only does what you teach it to do. Every time you start thinking about OM, have a wonderful memory of your husband handy and immediately switch to that. You can retrain your brain.
> Your emotions, feelings, "heart", all that stuff actually happens between the ears. OM has become a bad habit and, with time, you can change it.


This is quite deep and scientific. It does make some interesting points. Similar to what you said, I did try to interrupt the links between positivities and the OM. I switched the image of OM to the image of my husband. 

I also tried to re-install my belief, such as, the OM is all craps and I only love my husband... 

Everyday whenever I think of the OM, I told myself he's just a piece of junk.

God can't control men's "free will" and re-set a man's brain as a computer. 

If God would re-programme how the human's brain works, I think God would probably install anti-virus in our brains, so our brains would automatically terminate evil thoughts, and human beings will be evil free.


----------



## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> This is quite deep and scientific. It does make some interesting points. Similar to what you said, I did try to interrupt the links between positivities and the OM. I switched the image of OM to the image of my husband.


While I disagree _entirely_ with the behaviorism that Unbelievable details above, I think that there is a great message twisted up in all the 'science'. You have accustomed yourself to thinking 'X, Y, and Z' about the Other Man, and 'A, B, and C' about your husband. These thoughts have become habitual, and the only way to end a habit is to repeatedly work on replacing it with something else. Some habits are much harder than others to replace - but _all_ habits CAN be replaced - because all habits are _learned_ activities.

However, because this is an intellectual enterprise, you have to keep certain things 'in mind' (excuse that pun!) while working on it: 



> I also tried to re-install my belief, such as, the OM is all craps and I only love my husband...


So, IS the OM 'all craps' or are you trying to make yourself think of things that are not true? What do you mean by the term 'love my husband'?

It seems to me that much of the trouble you face (all of it is self-imposed and self-induced) is that you indeed ARE lying to yourself, you know it, and you won't accept lies. Most people will simply refuse to accept what someone says when they are fully aware that the person speaking is a liar (I exclude the rampant disregard for this when politicians are involved). Why would it be any different - and most likely even harder when YOU are speaking to yourself?

The issues: 

1) The Other Man is NOT 'all craps' - there are good things and bad things about him. Nor is your husband 'all craps' - there are good things and bad things about him. 

What this means: It is a waste of time trying to convince yourself of this. The ONLY way this could possible work is if you spent time dwelling on the negatives of the Other Man, and the positives of your husband. But even that involves problems; mainly in what people call the fog; in 'the fog' you will be justifying and rationalizing things so that you virtually refuse to note the good about your husband, and the bad about your lover. 

So that isn't really a useful option.

2) The 'love' you experience is not really love at all: it is an emotional conglomerate of various other emotions: excitement, happiness, lust, satisfaction, etc.. All of those are separate emotions, and we have been indoctrinated over the past 300 years (especially the past 150) to replace the definition of love with this package of emotions. 

But love is action: it is doing what is best for another person. 

Emotions come and go, they are physical responses to prior thoughts. Emotions do not generate actions, nor are they the starting point for any decision making. Most of the time, our decisions are made unconsciously: we have a continual stream of thoughts going on, and unless we deliberately bring them to the surface, a lot of our responses to things are dependent upon the physical reactions that occur after those unconscious thought processes pass through our minds. We react when we feel.

The key to changing a habit is to consciously act (that is, be pro-active) in a way that we know is correct, based upon the knowledge and information we have in mind. 

For example: you are married. Marriage is a declaration that you will give 100% of your affection and loyalty to one person, usually (unless the contract has some really rare wording) until death parts you. So you have that basic bit of information. That means that _even if the Other Man is nice, and kind, etc._, you have already made the conscious decision to give _your husband_ all of the affection and loyalty that you have instead given to the Other Man. 

Be honest - the Other Man is exciting, etc. (and willing to sleep with another man's wife). That is just the way it is. That doesn't negate the fact that you promised these things to your husband - nor does it in ANY WAY negate the fact that you can turn around and give this to your husband. You are human. You can act rationally. 

You may not _want_ to - it may feel difficult, etc., but that is something that gets easier over time (as with ANY habit).



> Everyday whenever I think of the OM, I told myself he's just a piece of junk.


Doesn't work, does it? The issue is not that he isn't nice: the fact is that you are married! Neither man is 'junk' - unless you have _really poor taste_!



> If God would re-programme how the human's brain works, I think God would probably install anti-virus in our brains, so our brains would automatically terminate evil thoughts, and human beings will be evil free.


In essence God does do _something_ like that (not in a mechanistic or behaviorist way - He gives deliberate and effective assistance) but that is a theological issue that is really sort of beyond this particular thread's venue. It involves the rationality of human beings.


----------



## SayRathernot (Oct 17, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> I do love my husband. He's this kind of family guy who doesn't like to worry about anything except his work & politics.
> When I speak to him about emotion stuffs, he can't quite understand and not interested in relationship topics. He told me they only my imaginations.
> It's more than imaginations but I don't know how to explain.


Here are my two cents.

As someone who is wrestling with the possibility that my wife has cheated on me, I beg you to stop what you are doing and find some other resolution. As much as I have been tempted, I have never actually even considered cheating on my wife, only to be repaid with suspicious activity and contempt for me on her part. It is so easy to be the cheater when you don't realize the impact it has on the person you supposedly love.

I'm no angel. I have viewed internet porn and am ashamed at having done so. I did it because I foolishly thought that it would somehow make up for my marital problems. It didn't, and now my wife appears to be upping the ante and quite possibly is sleeping with other men. I really want to trust her, but I also don't want to be a fool. You have to understand that cheating has nothing to do with what you think is lacking in your husband. It is simply a way for you to justify the choice you are making to betray the marriage. Please, please, please, you are dealing with real people here with real feelings. Don't keep doing this. Divorce if you need to, but don't cheat.

Good luck.


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

SayRathernot said:


> Here are my two cents.
> 
> As someone who is wrestling with the possibility that my wife has cheated on me, I beg you to stop what you are doing and find some other resolution. As much as I have been tempted, I have never actually even considered cheating on my wife, only to be repaid with suspicious activity and contempt for me on her part. It is so easy to be the cheater when you don't realize the impact it has on the person you supposedly love.
> 
> ...


As I told my husband about having a crush on a person, who, when, how and what happened honestly. I'm actually not in the cheating category when my husband has been aware of my EA from the beginning to the end.
Since my husband said my EA isn't cheating in his opinion, I still feel guilty even he doesn't feel hurt from it.
He did support me after I told him I must get rid of the OM from my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Relationship works mutually. Most of cheaters have marriage issues and problems. We always have a duty to be a better partner for our spouse to make our spouse happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank you Tanelornpete! I really appreciate your very good insights. Lots of good views as well.  you bring me different and new concepts about the whole package of love.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

On behalf of the hundreds of Disloyal Spouses I personally know who HAVE turned around and HAVE done the hard work to change--who sorrow a true sorrow for how they behaved, I am offended.

MsLonely actually voices out loud what a lot of Disloyal Spouses truly think, and she does not need condemnation--she needs someone to show her where her thinking goes astray AND how to fix it! If she can learn what love really is (an decision to behave in a way that is loving--not a "feeling"), she can change the way she's THINKING which changes the way she feels...which leads to building a loving, happy marriage. 

MsLonely don't even listen to people who speak to you like that. My guess is that it comes from a heart of bitterness or maybe hurt from being betrayed by someone they loved and trusted. Please keep being honest and remember that there are people here who will help you--and you help a LOT of Loyal Spouses have a peek into their own spouses' minds by being so brave here.

Loyal Spouses need support and encouragement and guidance in how to deal with infidelity, but the Disloyal Spouses need it just as much and usually get met with this kind of attitude. How would you loyals feel if you were confused, upset, angry, scared and needed someone to show you the light at the end of the tunnel...and someone spoke to you like this? Would that turn you off from even trying and push you further away? That's how I think I would feel. I know it hurts to hear some of this but it's true so rather than avoiding the truth (no matter how ugly it is) let's face it and deal with it--encouraging better behavior!


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

principleme said:


> finally i come to your thread.
> 
> you posted here that OM is your problem and you dont want to contact him again and he is a mess.
> 
> ...


I accept your criticisms. If there's an opportunity to meet the OM again, I won't give a F same. If I only needed a F, then it would be much easier and I won't feel so much pain to deal with and it would have happened because in the past 3 year, I had lots of chance. I didn't let it happen because I simply can't F a man who doesn't love me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Affaircare said:


> On behalf of the hundreds of Disloyal Spouses I personally know who HAVE turned around and HAVE done the hard work to change--who sorrow a true sorrow for how they behaved, I am offended.
> 
> MsLonely actually voices out loud what a lot of Disloyal Spouses truly think, and she does not need condemnation--she needs someone to show her where her thinking goes astray AND how to fix it! If she can learn what love really is (an decision to behave in a way that is loving--not a "feeling"), she can change the way she's THINKING which changes the way she feels...which leads to building a loving, happy marriage.
> 
> ...


Thank you affaircare! You're totally right. Many ppl are troubled with their EA or PA, they know it's wrong, but they're not able to find a way to stop that desire and calling.
I was one of them until today. I've seen the light in the end of the tunnel. I can get to solve my marriage problems and coping with my disloyal mind because of this forum. Ppl like you are here to give good advice & healthier information. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

