# Lesbian domestic violence situation/adoption..really at a loss



## Jessie93 (Oct 26, 2017)

Hey I'm new here but I could really use some urgent help with this situation

I've been with my gf for 5 years, we are a lesbian couple. And our relationship has always been great up until this recent incident. I have very bad trust issues b/c I have been cheated on in the past. The night of this incident I saw a text from an unfamiliar name pop up on my gf's phone. I asked her who it was and she told me it was just her friend. I didn't believe her and I snatched the phone but it was locked. I asked for her password, and when she wouldn't give it to me, I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. After I did this she slapped me in the face hard. I hit her back and we started fighting. She's way bigger and stronger than me so she beat me up pretty bad. I was screaming and the man who lives in our basement heard us and pulled her off me. This was the first time she has ever shown any type of aggression, so I was shocked.

Since this incident, we have been trying to mend our relationship, and we've made great progress. We decided to go to couples therapy. Before this fight happened, we were about to begin the process for adoption. Now I'm a little hesitant to continue b/c I'm concerned with my gf's temper problem. I'm worried that our child could make her angry and she will just flip out.

At the same time I still want a child with her. She's the woman I want to marry and start a family with. She's expressed a lot of remorse and I believe this is just a one off thing. I do think she will make a great mother. She has such loving and caring ways about her. I'm 24 and she's 29. We've always decided this would be the perfect time to expand our family.I really need advice on how/when to proceed with adoption. I need to ensure our future child has the best life possible. That is my first concern.

Any advice would be appreciated, I know this is a lot to take it. But I'm really desperate for advice. My family hates my gf now b/c they know what she did and saw my bruises. I feel I have no one to turn to besides my gf and I'm not sure how to tell her my concerns either.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Not much will push your anger buttons like a child will. And not much will damage a child like a violent household. My advice is to table your adoption plans, perhaps permanently. Maybe neither one of you are violent on your own, but the two of you mixed has already proven to be trouble.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'll also add that while your gf clearly has anger issues, your story indicates that you do too, as well as trust issues which seem to spark that anger. Have you dealt with your own issues?


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Your sexuality is irrelevant. You have no trust, she is violent and will be violent again in the future. I cannot think of a worse environment to bring a child into. I am sure you would make a great parent but not with this person.

A story...my sister always wanted children. She married a man who turned out to be very controlling, and although not physically abusive, very much emotionally abusive (she wasn't allowed work outside the home, or have friends he hadn't handpicked for her, he stalked her and berated her. He put her down and made her feel like nothing, accusing her of affairs). She absolutely refused to have children with this man because she knew that sooner or later he would be just as controlling with them and secretly took the pill. 

Eventually she had enough and left with just a car full of stuff. She then met a man who is lovely and kind, but he had already raised a family. Although he agreed to have children for her, she knew that he would eventually resent it and perhaps not be a great dad (he works away and loves his job). So she is nearly 50 and has come to terms with never having children. Better to be childless. 

These were her choices. She could have walked away and found perfect 'father' material but she didn't. 

Slapping you across the face and being beaten up is not normal, this is not just a bad row and will happen again. Most people do not get into physical fights over a phone. We talk it through, we reassure each other, we are open and honest. We walk away when we are being wound up, then discuss things when we are calm. This makes a good relationship.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

You've got domestic violence, jealousy, secrets, trust issues, family issues ...anything else? Drugs/alcohol? 

Please do not even consider taking on the responsibility of a child. Though, on the bright side (for any potential child, at least), unless you are loaded with money or know some VIP, you're likely not going to be first in line to adopt anyway.

Did you ever find out what your GF was hiding in that phone?

You can't even talk to the person you're supposed to parent with about your fears about parenting with her? Doesn't that just say it ALL? 

Maybe you two need a break from each other.


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## DaveinOC (Oct 15, 2017)

Jessie93 said:


> Hey I'm new here but I could really use some urgent help with this situation
> 
> I've been with my gf for 5 years, we are a lesbian couple. And our relationship has always been great up until this recent incident. I have very bad trust issues b/c I have been cheated on in the past. The night of this incident I saw a text from an unfamiliar name pop up on my gf's phone. I asked her who it was and she told me it was just her friend. I didn't believe her and I snatched the phone but it was locked. I asked for her password, and when she wouldn't give it to me, I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. After I did this she slapped me in the face hard. I hit her back and we started fighting. She's way bigger and stronger than me so she beat me up pretty bad. I was screaming and the man who lives in our basement heard us and pulled her off me. This was the first time she has ever shown any type of aggression, so I was shocked.
> 
> ...


Hi OP, I feel that violence in itself is a big problem, but I feel the lack of self-control to resort to violence is equally problematic. Having said that, you didn't really demonstrate your self-control when you decided to destroy her possession. I am not saying violence is justified for this, but really think about whether she would have turned to violence if you had more self-control. I see too many instigators playing victim card now days and while you seem to respect and love her, you cannot scream bloody murder when your action triggers it. Again, I am not condoning her behavior but as mentioned above, if she's by nature has violent tendencies, she cannot just get rid of that trait, but through self-control she can suppress that side and not let it come out. That takes effort and it's fair to expect the same of effort from you to control yourself a bit too. As long as you guys know what really does it for each other and have minimal respect to avoid it, I am sure you will have a successful relationship in the long run. Good luck.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

You said you were in couples therapy; is this an issue you feel like you can talk about there? That may help to resolve the issue.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Adopting should wait until you're completely sure the problems have been worked out -- if they can be -- and your relationship is stable. 

In other words, at some point in the future but definitely not now.


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## Jessie93 (Oct 26, 2017)

DaveinOC said:


> Hi OP, I feel that violence in itself is a big problem, but I feel the lack of self-control to resort to violence is equally problematic. Having said that, you didn't really demonstrate your self-control when you decided to destroy her possession. I am not saying violence is justified for this, but really think about whether she would have turned to violence if you had more self-control. I see too many instigators playing victim card now days and while you seem to respect and love her, you cannot scream bloody murder when your action triggers it. Again, I am not condoning her behavior but as mentioned above, if she's by nature has violent tendencies, she cannot just get rid of that trait, but through self-control she can suppress that side and not let it come out. That takes effort and it's fair to expect the same of effort from you to control yourself a bit too. As long as you guys know what really does it for each other and have minimal respect to avoid it, I am sure you will have a successful relationship in the long run. Good luck.


Before this fight I have never seen my gf get like this. She doesn't even like to argue and she doesn't even raise her voice which is one of the reasons I was so shocked. She's been extremely apologetic. I know she feels terrible. I don't think she's a naturally violent person but I think maybe when she reaches a certain point she can't control her reaction. She told me she felt like she "blacked out". That part really scares me. 

I know I have bad jealousy issues. I used to obsessively look through her phone while she was asleep or in the bathroom. Then she recently put a PW on it, and that was suspicious to me. I know I need to work on my trust issues. I've never seen proof of her being unfaithful but the way she she reacted during this incident does make me question her fidelity. 

I know this is a lot going on. I'm so sorry. It's a big mess.


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## DaveinOC (Oct 15, 2017)

I think it's very good that you are able to self reflect and recognize you do have jealousy issue and I do see where you are coming from. I have been growing suspicious of my SO lately too and did some snooping that I am not particularly proud of. Getting more information from you, she seems like a good person for you. Try to cope with it internally if you get sense of jealousy because how you FEEL about something (and you recognize most of the time, it's baseless suspicion) is really not her problem and it's unfair for her to be held responsible for it. Anyhow you seem like a sweet person jealousy aside. hope you guys can work it out.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Jessie93 said:


> Before this fight I have never seen my gf get like this. She doesn't even like to argue and she doesn't even raise her voice which is one of the reasons I was so shocked. She's been extremely apologetic. I know she feels terrible. I don't think she's a naturally violent person but I think maybe when she reaches a certain point she can't control her reaction. She told me she felt like she "blacked out". That part really scares me.
> 
> I know I have bad jealousy issues. I used to obsessively look through her phone while she was asleep or in the bathroom. Then she recently put a PW on it, and that was suspicious to me. I know I need to work on my trust issues. I've never seen proof of her being unfaithful but the way she she reacted during this incident does make me question her fidelity.
> 
> I know this is a lot going on. I'm so sorry. It's a big mess.



I used to know a girl kind of like your gf. She was normally a pretty nice person, but she had some deep issues. She had those "blackout" rages more than once and could get scary violent.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Jessie93 said:


> Hey I'm new here but I could really use some urgent help with this situation
> 
> I've been with my gf for 5 years, we are a lesbian couple. And our relationship has always been great up until this recent incident. I have very bad trust issues b/c I have been cheated on in the past. The night of this incident I saw a text from an unfamiliar name pop up on my gf's phone. I asked her who it was and she told me it was just her friend. I didn't believe her and I snatched the phone but it was locked. I asked for her password, and when she wouldn't give it to me, I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. After I did this she slapped me in the face hard. I hit her back and we started fighting. She's way bigger and stronger than me so she beat me up pretty bad. I was screaming and the man who lives in our basement heard us and pulled her off me. This was the first time she has ever shown any type of aggression, so I was shocked.
> 
> ...


Now is NOT the perfect time. At least give it a year. Personally I would never stay with someone who physically abused me. Besides that, did you ever get access to the phone? Never saw her like this, probably never been in the middle of cheating on your before either.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I've read the thread and I'm going to point something out. What you did is considered domestic violence as well. People tend to fixate on her slap, which is completely wrong, but snatching and throwing items can and has been shown to be domestic violence. It is also a hyper control issue. Also, you just admitted to snooping, most people rarely remember to put the phone, messages or screens back to the exact same position.
Domestic Violence | Diane Bass Criminal Defense Attorney


> Domestic Violence charges can be filed over what seems like the simplest things and they can turn your life upside down. Let’s say you get into an argument with your spouse or partner. Things get a little heated. Your spouse goes to pick up the phone but you want her attention so you grab the phone out of her hand and throw it. She gets mad and calls the police. Once the police arrive they are going to arrest someone even if you tell them it’s nothing. *You could be charged with spousal battery for grabbing the phone, vandalism for throwing the phone and child endangerment or neglect if children are present.*


I learned, long ago, I do not like invasions of my personal space. You may have crossed her own personal boundary she and you didn't know existed. You forcefully took her phone out of her hand and then threw it across the floor. Yes, this is a violent act. No, slapping you isn't right, but in my younger days snatching and breaking my personal items would have led to a fight and possibly a slap.

No, I am not saying she is right or her actions were warranted at all. I'm saying both of you did wrong and don't bring a child into this mix.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jessie93 said:


> Before this fight I have never seen my gf get like this. She doesn't even like to argue and she doesn't even raise her voice which is one of the reasons I was so shocked. She's been extremely apologetic. I know she feels terrible. I don't think she's a naturally violent person but I think maybe when she reaches a certain point she can't control her reaction. She told me she felt like she "blacked out". That part really scares me.


I dated and then married a guy who seemed to be the least likely guy to ever be violent. Dated him for 5 years. Then married him. Within 2 years into the marriage it all changed. He finally felt comfortable enough in the relationship to be violent. From then on out his anger and violence were features in the marriage.

You were of course wrong in throwing her phone. IMO, you had every right to ask her about the person who was calling her. You had every right to ask for the password. I believe in complete transparency in a relationship. The very fact that she refused to give you the password and expect you to be ok with her having secrets from you is unacceptable. But throwing/breaking her phone was wrong. The correct response to her secrecy and refusal to have complete transparency is for you to end the relationship.

Abuse is about control. Your gf used violence because she felt that she was losing control of you. So the way to put you back into your "place" was for her to beat you up. She will be violent again. The reason that she did has not used violence against you before is because so far you have put up with her controlling you. This one time you stood up to her and POW!, you get beat up. 

Look up the term "cycle of abuse". 99.999% of abusers are not abusive all the time. They only resort to violence when they feel they need to use it to control their target. In between the times of abuse, they are apologetic and enter into a 'honeymoon' period where they kiss up to you, tell you how sorry they are over and over, promise to never do it again, and even go to counseling. 

Before couples counseling, your gf needs intensive counseling/therapy for anger management and to address her use of violence.

Were you hurt badly enough to have to go to the doctor? Were there bruises, aches, cuts, etc from her attack.

If you stay with her, welcome to your life as the victim of violence... it's not going to stop because she is not taking it seriously. Going to couples counseling is not taking what she did seriously. 

By the way, you too need to get into individual counseling so that you learn to not do things like throw her phone. That is a pre-curser to violence on a person. 

You should have called the police on her and had her arrested. Maybe she would have taken it seriously if you had done that. 

Please do not adopt a child. Neither of you are in a good place for raising a child right now. It's not safe to being a child into your current situation.

You really should leave her, seriously. Never, ever stay with a person who is capable of domestic violence. 



Jessie93 said:


> I know I have bad jealousy issues. I used to obsessively look through her phone while she was asleep or in the bathroom. Then she recently put a PW on it, and that was suspicious to me. I know I need to work on my trust issues. I've never seen proof of her being unfaithful but the way she she reacted during this incident does make me question her fidelity.
> 
> I know this is a lot going on. I'm so sorry. It's a big mess.


You have a huge insecurity. She has to deal with it if she wants to be in a relationship with you. Beating you up is not the way to deal with it. 

You cannot change her. She's a mean, violent woman. She's not a woman you should be involved with. 

You need to get into individual counseling to figure out why you are making excuses for the person who beat you up. She could have killed you had your tenant not pulled her off you. Find out why your self esteem is so low that you are making excuses for her. And deal with your jealousy issues. You should not be in a relationship until you fix yourself.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are two books that I think would help you to realize what a good relationship looks like. If you are hell bent on staying with your girlfriend, she too should read them and the two of you should do the work together. Otherwise just read them yourself and do the work for yourself.

"Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs"... see links in my signature block below.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

If one of your friends came to you with the same situation, only she was dating a man, and they wanted to adopt in this scenario.. what would you tell your friend?

Make no mistake that there is no difference with this being a lesbian relationship. I think you threw that part in here because you feel that, since you are both females, that this somehow makes it less dangerous and more acceptable to stay in an abusive relationship. 

You were absolutely wrong in destroying her property. Yes, her password, and refusal to grant you access to her phone, is reason enough to be angry and suspicious, but it is not your place to trash her belongings. With that said, it most definitely did not warrant an assault on either of your behalf. 

Bringing a child into a destructive relationship is irresponsible and not fair to the child. I advocate for you leaving, but if you choose to stay, please work through BOTH of your issues before even considering adding to your family. As the poster above stated, children know how to push your angry buttons like no tomorrow. The both of you have proven to have little control of your anger issues, so it's a disaster waiting to happen. Again.


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## Jessie93 (Oct 26, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I dated and then married a guy who seemed to be the least likely guy to ever be violent. Dated him for 5 years. Then married him. Within 2 years into the marriage it all changed. He finally felt comfortable enough in the relationship to be violent. From then on out his anger and violence were features in the marriage.
> 
> You were of course wrong in throwing her phone. IMO, you had every right to ask her about the person who was calling her. You had every right to ask for the password. I believe in complete transparency in a relationship. The very fact that she refused to give you the password and expect you to be ok with her having secrets from you is unacceptable. But throwing/breaking her phone was wrong. The correct response to her secrecy and refusal to have complete transparency is for you to end the relationship.
> 
> ...


I didn't call the police after b/c although I was hurt, I still didn't want to get my gf arrested. I went to my mom's house instead which I regret b/c she was furious. She basically hates my gf now and doesn't support the relationship at all which really sucks b/c they used to be close. I didn't need medical attention but I had bruises on my face and body and my lip was cut. I don't mean to demonize my gf. I realize I provoked the fight when I threw her phone. It's not like she beat me up for no reason. But I do think she took it too far. 

She's been talking about marriage a lot more now recently as well as the adoption plans and I don't feel we are in the best space for that right now.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Jessie93 said:


> She's been talking about marriage a lot more now recently as well as the adoption plans and I don't feel we are in the best space for that right now.


Please don't get sucked into any of that right now. Your GF is probably aware that she will lose you and is trying to hoover you back in. That is not to say that she doesn't feel terrible for what happened, I am sure she does, but sometimes it is hard to undo things. Promises that do not reflect change (i.e marriage and children will not change what has happened or give you the trust and security you need) are fairly worthless. 

If someone hurt my daughter I would actually want to kill them. So I don't think your mother will ever be ok with the two of you being together. That will put a lot of strain on the relationship you and your mother have together.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Jessie93 said:


> I realize I provoked the fight when I threw her phone. It's not like she beat me up for no reason.


Victim speak.



Jessie93 said:


> She's been talking about marriage a lot more now recently as well as the adoption plans and I don't feel we are in the best space for that right now.


Of course she's talking about locking it down. She realizes she screwed up and wants to make it harder for you to leave her.


You're at a pivotal point here. A lot of people end up divorcing and losing everything they own for a lot less than what transpired here. You have the luxury of not being married. You can walk away right now with virtually no negative consequences. 

And once kids are in the picture.....WAY harder to get out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jessie93 said:


> I didn't call the police after b/c although I was hurt, I still didn't want to get my gf arrested. I went to my mom's house instead which I regret b/c she was furious. She basically hates my gf now and doesn't support the relationship at all which really sucks b/c they used to be close. I didn't need medical attention but I had bruises on my face and body and my lip was cut. I don't mean to demonize my gf. I realize I provoked the fight when I threw her phone. It's not like she beat me up for no reason. But I do think she took it too far.


You are making excuses for your gf. Your actions of grabbing her phone and throwing it were wrong. Her actions of slapping you and beating you up were 1000 times worse. You should have done to the doctor. Outward physical appearance of injuries do not always tell the whole story. You could have deeper injuries than you realize.

Good for your mother. Some day you will see that your mother is right. 

You don't mean to demonize your gf? She did that all by herself when she beat you up.

Were you raised in an abusive household? Why are you so accepting of being beaten?



Jessie93 said:


> She's been talking about marriage a lot more now recently as well as the adoption plans and I don't feel we are in the best space for that right now.


Of course she's talking more about marriage and adoption. It's predictable, part of the 'honeymoon' period. Did you look up "cycle of abuse" yet? you need to read that. 

Also look up the National Domestic Abuse hotline. You are going to need them in the future because the abuse, once started, only escalates.

My take on your situation is that you are not ready to listen to anyone on this; not your mother, not us. Maybe after she beats you up more you will play our words back through your mind and realize that we are right. You have one real choice here... leave her. I hope that you realize this sooner than later.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Gay, straight, doesn't matter. DV is DV.

No, you shouldn't have snatched and thrown her phone, but she shouldn't have hit you and beaten you up - that is so much worse than throwing a phone.

This incident escalated very quickly - you were lucky she didn't kill you.

If you stay that's your choice, but you have NO RIGHT to bring a helpless child into this violent environment.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

You will regret staying with her .it takes an average of 7 times before someone thats abused to leave the relationship.

6 ass kicking left the you will be ready.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

" I hit her back and we started fighting. She's way bigger and stronger than me so she beat me up pretty bad."

You started it, then you continued it. She's not some monster who just had a bad day and took it out on you. YOUR trust issues got your butt kicked. You only got hurt more because she is stronger than you. You BOTH need anger management counseling. How do you live with, or get past the whole thing? Like, how do you live with someone who beat you up? You owe her just as much apologies as you say she is giving her. You are equally guilty here. 

Do not bring a child into this messy relationship.


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## Jessie93 (Oct 26, 2017)

SunnyT said:


> " I hit her back and we started fighting. She's way bigger and stronger than me so she beat me up pretty bad."
> 
> You started it, then you continued it. She's not some monster who just had a bad day and took it out on you. YOUR trust issues got your butt kicked. You only got hurt more because she is stronger than you. You BOTH need anger management counseling. How do you live with, or get past the whole thing? Like, how do you live with someone who beat you up? You owe her just as much apologies as you say she is giving her. You are equally guilty here.
> 
> Do not bring a child into this messy relationship.


You're right I did provoke her and I engaged in the fight as well but barely. She took it way too far. Even if I was the stronger one in the relationship, I would never want to hurt her like that.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

In this case, I don't think the blame is completely clear - it sounds like things escalated. Someone may have been responsible but its not obvious from the description. 

It does look like you escalated each others violence and that is a bad sort of feedback. I can't imagine a situation where I would feel like hitting my wife, and if I did , I would instantly feel horrible for having done it, not continue to escalate. 

Maybe counseling? Try to understand why things went the way that they did and if you can prevent it from ever happening again. Certainly you don't want a child until this is resolved.

Also think very hard about whether you really are a good couple together. Are you really happy? Do you bring out the best in each other?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Destroying the things of people you purport to love, is not love.

And she needs to be transparent with you if there is to be any trust and respect. Everything stems from respect. Without it, you two will always have issues, and over time, they'll mount.

Your jealousy is toxic and will drive your partner away eventually. Your partners secrecy with her phone could be interpreted as such, or she could just be getting fed up with your obsessions around her personal life and wants a bit of privacy. The reason you don't know the truth is, the resentment is already building.


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## Jessie93 (Oct 26, 2017)

Satya said:


> Destroying the things of people you purport to love, is not love.
> 
> And she needs to be transparent with you if there is to be any trust and respect. Everything stems from respect. Without it, you two will always have issues, and over time, they'll mount.
> 
> Your jealousy is toxic and will drive your partner away eventually. Your partners secrecy with her phone could be interpreted as such, or she could just be getting fed up with your obsessions around her personal life and wants a bit of privacy. The reason you don't know the truth is, the resentment is already building.


Yes, I agree I definitely escalated the situation. If I hadn't broken her phone, she wouldn't have hit me. That was my fault, and most likely won't happen again if I learn to control my jealousy issues.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

You should have zero tolerance for her becoming physical toward you. You need to carefully exit the relationship.

On top of all this, your trust issues remain unresolved. What would have happened if instead of beating you she walked away? You’d still be searching for answers and spying her phone 24/7. Clearly, you trust her even less now, no?

She isn’t a good match for you. 

And certainly not for a child.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Jessie93 said:


> Yes, I agree I definitely escalated the situation. If I hadn't broken her phone, she wouldn't have hit me. That was my fault, and most likely won't happen again if I learn to control my jealousy issues.


Hmm.

I wonder what happens when an angry teenage child breaks her phone.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Jessie,

If you don't have the passcode to her phone you are not a couple, people who intend to get married share everything.

I believe your GF became violent because her infidelity was at risk of being exposed, it's a common reaction btw that spouses become very protective of their phones. Generally you know something is up because your sex life dies off, LBD LOL. But seriously if she is cheating on you it will not get better if you marry her or especially if you have a child together, so while you do love her she may not be suitable to raise a child with. 

I think society at large sees same sex couples as mostly bonding with sex but without exclusivity or loyalty, and sometimes I think those attitudes influence the way same sex couples treat each other. I had a lesbian co-worker one time who told me about swapping partners with another couple for kissing and I think she was kinda surprise when I asked her why she cheated on her partner. 

She had been in a prior relationship which grew more and more violent as time went by and had to move out in the middle of the night btw, so you are not alone inspite of the lower rates of domestic violence comitted by females generally. 

Tamat


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Gay, straight, doesn't matter. DV is DV.
> 
> No, you shouldn't have snatched and thrown her phone, but she shouldn't have hit you and beaten you up - that is so much worse than throwing a phone.
> 
> ...


 @Jessie93, if the man who lives in the basement had not been there to rescue you, she might have killed you.

Adoption is not a good option, I feel.


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