# Struggling with marriage - need help



## MisterJinx (Apr 13, 2016)

Hey, everyone. I'll get right to it.

I've been married for about 10 years. My relationship with my wife is fairly good, but I wouldn't call it passionate. We have two kids (4 and 7), and they take essentially all of our time and the vast majority of her interest. 

I work fairly long hours at a professional / executive job and she stays home with the kids. It has led to a situation where I am not all that close with my kids. They're pretty attached to my wife since she's with them all the time. I try to do "dad stuff" when I'm around, but I find it hard to spend a lot of time with them. I try, but my head starts pounding, quite literally, when I do. I get really bored with the activities they're into or capable of at this point, and I want to get away to do something that's of actual interest like learning something new, doing some kind of outdoor activity (which they can't really do to any extent yet), and so on. They like to do basic, boring stuff over and over again, like driving an RC car in circles, building basic stuff with Legos, etc. Totally normal for their stage(s) of development but really hard for me to do for a long period of time. I love them a lot and want to be a good dad, but it's just hard.

As for the marriage, I hate to say it, but I sort of settled on my wife and married her pretty quickly after having been in an emotionally powerful, and ultimately painful, relationship on an on-off basis with a woman right before. My wife basically was the rebound from that. She's nice, fairly attractive for her age, not too hard to deal with, etc., but it's just not all that exciting, passionate, or intellectually stimulating. We go on date nights, still have sex about once a week, etc., but it's pretty boring and formulaic.

I'm now in my late 30s and I have been struck recently by the revelation that my life probably is about half over. It hadn't really occurred to me that much, but it did recently. I'm struck by the impending loss of my ability to have fun (and, specifically, to credibly date attractive women still in their 20s, etc.), were I to wind up single at some point (or otherwise). I didn't really date a lot before getting married or being with the woman prior to my wife. In each case, I wound up in a long-term relationship pretty quickly and didn't really get a chance to "have fun" or get out there in the dating world.

My wife and kids all traveled out of town this past week and I'm sad to say it's been the best week of my life for years. I've been able to see friends, get outside and do fun stuff that I haven't been able to in a long time, learn some new things, and otherwise have fun. On a whim, I threw up a random ad on a dating site saying that I was a married guy looking to meet someone and have some casual, non-sexual fun. I honestly didn't really expect anyone to reply, but I got several responses. One of them is from someone who's my "type," younger than me (and my wife) by a decade, is fun, attractive, etc. We've texted a few times and talked on the phone once, and she seems real. The next step is supposed to be a casual engagement to get some drinks, etc. I keep going back and forth on it. On the one hand, part of me thinks I should just cut this off now before it even gets to the in-person stage. It's hard to see how this could ever work out in the long term. Either I see her and it's disappointing/bad or, if it's good, then it could create a messy situation in all the ways you could imagine. At the same time, I'm hesitant to cut it off since it seems like she seems to check all the boxes, and most of the other "candidates" for this kind of thing either don't make sense (they work with me, etc., which gets messy fast) or they're crazy, aren't my type, etc. I wouldn't want to let this one go and then find that she was a good one if it makes sense for me to spread my wings later on. I know this sounds bad, but I'm trying to be honest here.

So, I find myself waking up at night, freaked out, thinking "this is crazy, just stop it" and feeling a lot of anxiety over getting caught and screwing up my marriage, not being a good dad, or whatever. Then during the day, most of that anxiety is gone and all I can think about is having fun with this attractive woman and just kind of seeing where it goes. It's very unlikely that I'd get caught just on this initial get-together to get drinks, so part of me is inclined to do it.

I just want to see if anyone has any advice here, or has been through something similar. Is this a garden-variety midlife crisis, and if so, does it go away at some point? Once this kind of feeling starts, does it never go away? I doubt anyone would want to own up to it, but has anyone ever had a successful fling on the side, and did it fix your marriage, make it clear to you that you needed to do something else, etc.? Any advice would be genuinely appreciated.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Honestly, you should probably end your marriage asap. Not going to attack you or anything, but you are living a life that isn't for you. You don't enjoy your wife or your children. That does nothing for them. You want to just be a sponsor? Then do it. It's a shame you put her in this situation and I am sure she'd make life hell on you since she has taken the burden of the family and you have barely done anything.

If you have such disdain for the family life, end it now. Give her a chance to find someone who she can still grow with. Give yourself a chance to do...whatever it is you want to do. Maybe she'll find a good man that will be a good role model for your kids.


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## MisterJinx (Apr 13, 2016)

Thanks, Herschel. I understand where you're coming from, and I definitely anticipated some responses to that effect. 

The odd thing to me is that growing up, and even as a young man, I thought I'd be a good father, and in some respects I am a good one. I care about my kids deeply. I check out their teachers, I researched the hell out of our school district, I make sure they get their Omega-3s, I talk to them as much as they'll listen, I read to the kids when I've been around, I teach them things whenever I am around and can, and so on. I've had people tell me I'd be a "good dad" my whole life, and I generally am a kind, sensitive, compassionate, and empathetic person. I don't think I'm a bad guy, although I guess nobody thinks he is. I just have a hard time spending a lot of time doing the activities they are into at this point, and I have the relatively uninteresting marriage I described.

From what I've seen on forums like this before, while my circumstances here are to an extent unique, similar posts seem to get about 90% people reacting unfavorably (or even belittling or mocking them), saying they need to grow up and move on, and so forth, with 10% appearing to understand at some level. From what I've seen, it seems like some guys really enjoy and are into family life and others just don't. The weird thing with me is that everything pointed to me being a candidate to enjoy it, and that's how I got into it. I never wanted to be the kind of guy still hanging out in bars in his 30s, and I've never been afraid of commitment, excessively selfish, or any of that. I just am having a hard time. I'm not necessarily looking just for that 10% who might understand where I'm coming from (or, more generally, for anyone to tell me what I want to hear -- honestly, I don't even know what that is), but I'm genuinely curious to receive advice across the spectrum. Thanks again.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

The grass is greener where you water it.

If you want to divorce, do it, but what you are doing is pretty ****ty.


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## Brandy905 (Apr 3, 2014)

You don't belong married. You settled? Well now her and your children have to suffer. She doesn't have the husband she thought she married and your children don't have the father they deserve! Do everyone a favor and Divorce.

You can't stand playing with RC car or doing other things on their level, you are only concerned with you. That's the way you want it, fine but leave. Everyone in this situation is suffering. 

All I know is I wish I could shrink my kids back to that age, even if its only for a day. I love them and will do anything for them now, but they were so much fun at that age. There is such a brightness in their eyes, excitement when they learn new things and they have an incredible way to make you see this world through their eyes!!


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

Listen ,,,,, affairs never fix problem marriages. You don't fix your problems in someone else's bed. If you're not "into" your wife then respect yourself and her and end it. Affairs are like drugs. They feel good but eventually they catch up with you and by then you can't undo the the damage an affair causes in a relationship. It's like a bomb going off. You never get the trust back that you enjoy today even though you're not "into" her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Divorce, then go on the hunt. Do your wonderful family a favor.

I feel sorry for any future women that take a shine to the oily glint that is your sole.....not....soul....stinky carp. You will steal from them also, won't you ?

It is all about YOU. There are 20 "Letters of Accreditation before U and 5 after. U have not earned any.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Seeing someone else won't fix things. It's one thing if you like a couple of days to yourself, I think most people go through that with a young family, but you definitely don't want to involve another woman. I think what you are doing now is giving yourself excuses to do something you know you shouldn't. You married someone and have kids, you owe your family to be a husband and father.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You made a commitment. Stick to it.

You don't like how your marriage is....then do something about it. Get help. Ask your wife to do something different. Court her. It's not all about you. 

If you can't stick to it and you are cheating. Save your family the drama and get a divorce. Move on.

Prepare for the grass to NOT be greener.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Being a good dad and H does not include signing up on dating sites and make plans to royally screw your entire family. Only YOU can make YOU happy. It is not up to your W or your kids playing games that interest you. Welcome to fatherhood. At 4 and 7 is Thomas the Tank Train and RC cars going in circles. You signed up for it not once but twice. So, instead of testing the waters on date sites and disrespecting your W that she does not deserve, how about coming clean with your W and work on the marriage. If that does not suit you then D. Currently the crap sandwich your making for your family is not the way to go. 

And stop looking at age 30 as your life half over. Mid-life nonsense. You'll probably live to 100. So move the mid-life to age 50 and buy a Corvette.

Sheesh...what a load.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

So, here's what I read (to summarize your post):

- You wanted your children to be born at least 13 years old. 

- You regret not banging more chicks during your virile 20s.

- Your wife is a boring mom and you could really go for a younger, hotter model with no encumbrances. 

- You're in your 30s and are unhappy with the life you had every opportunity to mold at every step. 

- You're ready for an affair. 

All that's missing is the next major step, which I hope is divorcing your wife before you carry on with your tinder dates.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MisterJinx said:


> From what I've seen on forums like this before, while my circumstances here are to an extent unique, similar posts seem to get about 90% people reacting unfavorably (or even belittling or mocking them), saying they need to grow up and move on, and so forth, with 10% appearing to understand at some level. From what I've seen, it seems like some guys really enjoy and are into family life and others just don't. The weird thing with me is that everything pointed to me being a candidate to enjoy it, and that's how I got into it. I never wanted to be the kind of guy still hanging out in bars in his 30s, and I've never been afraid of commitment, excessively selfish, or any of that. I just am having a hard time. I'm not necessarily looking just for that 10% who might understand where I'm coming from (or, more generally, for anyone to tell me what I want to hear -- honestly, I don't even know what that is), but I'm genuinely curious to receive advice across the spectrum. Thanks again.


Your situation is not unique. The 10% understand the idea of being lost in a marriage and life in general. However, that 10% do not understand the route infidelity you have already taken. There is a difference in understanding here. 

You are having a hard time because, perhaps, you feel the entire family and moving all forward in life is a large responsibility that can be daunting at times? Perhaps you feel you are going it alone? I did at one time. My kids took to my W more as she was home with them. As they got older guess who started enjoying concerts and roller coaster with his kids? Learn to drive, fish, sports and enjoy a museum or two? These are things that come in time. But I can tell you, dating sites and making plans to bop what comes along is not the way to go.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Anyone who has been married more than a minute has been in your position, hitting an age gate and wondering "is this all there is?" The short answer is no.

All marriages go thru phases. The first is dating/newlyweds. Everything is new and exciting. Your W seems like the best woman ever. 

Phase 2 is the kid years. This is where you are. The routines kick in, romance may grow stale, husband is usually busting his butt to stay ahead of the tax man and provide for the ever expensive family. Stage 2 doesn't last forever. Stick with it and open up to your W about how you're feeling (she will value your honesty/open feelings). You may find out that she has the same feelings, and you can work on it together. It is much better than a D, for all involved.

Once you reach stage 3-with the kids out of the house, you will see a big change in the relationship with your W, often with a positive regression in behavior back to the dating yrs, except now you have a paid-off big house that you can chase each other around naked in







.

And stage 4 is the elder yrs, where you can depend on your life partner to help take care of you, and vice-versa.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> Anyone who has been married more than a minute has been in your position, hitting an age gate and wondering "is this all there is?" The short answer is no.
> 
> All marriages go thru phases. The first is dating/newlyweds. Everything is new and exciting. Your W seems like the best woman ever.
> 
> ...


Big Bingo.


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## MisterJinx (Apr 13, 2016)

Thanks to everyone for all the replies thus far. I appreciate it. I know I'm not exactly a likable person, at least based on what I've posted here, but I'm genuinely trying to work through a real situation. I don't begrudge anyone for the "negative" responses ... I'm taking it all in. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.


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## Lots to Learn (Aug 21, 2015)

I'll offer you some thoughts.

I can certainly appreciate the connection with the young kids. I myself struggled with this a great deal. Like you it wasn't that if didn't love them I just could never connect in the way my wife did. I used to beat myself up over this in a big way. And I can assure you my STBXWW did too. 

It used to really bother me as all of my relationships outside of the kids were very good. I was understanding, patient, etc etc. I could just never get there with them at that age. In hindsight, I recognize while sad, it's ok. I didn't have those tools. I've also come to recognize that I have taught them many, many other things. Honesty, hard work and determination, and commitment to name a few. We are not all well equipped to deal with all aspects of raising young children, and that's ok!!

Now that the kids are a bit older the relationship is much, much better. They communicate in a way I understand and their understanding of the world around them is at a point I can connect. It's great. 

As for your marriage and your wife. Well you already know the answer, which is why you are here. As many others have said what you are going through is normal. All marriages go through these phases. 

That said, if you are truly not happy you should show your wife the respect (as your wife and children's mother) regard, and of course her honour and yours and divorce her. You have already crossed a boundary and been unfaithful to her. There is no positive outcome to infidelity. There never has and there never will be. Your wife, your family will be utterly destroyed in a way that will affect all of you for your entire lives. Betrayal is the most painful behaviour you could ever inflict on another let alone those who trust and love you. 

Let me ask, have you discussed with your wife your unhappiness? And I mean really talked to her in a candid, compassionate way? Does she really understand where your head is at at this moment? A difficult discussion for sure, but pales in comparison to the carnage you will lay on her when your affair is discovered. She will be ill, lose weight, blame herself, question her whole marriage, question herself as a wife, and mother. Don't donthis to her, you or your family. 

If you are done then be done with honour, as a man. Painful for all to be sure. But going fwd you can look at yourself and your kids and know you did it right. 

You have already pushed against the boundary and it's like you want to test drive options before you drop the bomb. This will effectively make your wife Plan B. You know the one you come back to if it doesn't work out with this strange you have lined up. How devastating for your wife to find out she was second best in her own marriage. Ugh. 

I encourage you to put a full stop to this other thing. You are already walking out on your family based a some women you have not even met because you are getting your ego stroked and it feels good. 

Go talk to your wife and hug those kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Well you are having a midlife crisis here aren't we. And MLC are so so selfish. 

If you REALLY hate your life go ahead and divorce. But you WILL REALLY hate your life when you cheat and it leads to divorce. You will also be likely more miserable and BROKE paying for child support and possibly spousal support. Depends on your personal circumstance.

You got a few options here. One: Divorce, 
Two: Re commit to your family 
Three: Close down account and stick your head in the sand continue being miserable and falling into an affair later. 

You really have messed up bro.... I hope your wife finds out who she is married to. No woman should be settled on. SHAME on you. That is the mother of your kids.


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## MisterJinx (Apr 13, 2016)

For what it's worth, just want to tell you all that based in part on the advice here, I decided to not go through with the initial meeting for drinks with that other woman, and the whole thing is over before it really got started. 

I am going to work on trying to be a better father and husband. 

I appreciate the feedback everyone gave. It really did help me make this call, and -- without trying to excessively aggrandize anything -- some of you guys and gals may have had a hand in saving my marriage.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm glad to hear that and you have a lot of introspection to do about your life. 

Some men here on TAM believe in the notion that their wife is like a mirror: they project onto her and she reflects back onto them what they show and stand for in the outside world. 

I'm not saying all the burden is on you to improve your marriage. 50% of that responsibility is hers. However, you need to look more objectively at how YOUR lifestyle, drive, ambition, attitude, personality, etc... How everything that defines you is mirrored back from your wife, and your children. If you're not present in the relationship (always working, etc) then your wife isn't going to be bonded well to you. She's just going to see you as the guy who works all the time and can't be bothered with watching his kids grow. A guy that seems pretty unhappy in the relationship. That is painful for the heart of a woman, and very isolating. Think about the kind of mirror she'd become as a result. 

No one can force you to enjoy your children. You just need to be real about what you really want for your life and take control...not expect someone else to steer your ship.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Satya said:


> So, here's what I read (to summarize your post):
> 
> - You wanted your children to be born at least 13 years old.
> 
> ...




Well said
Sorry but I can't have any sympathy for you. I have kids younger than yours and the whole family goes out to play hockey in the driveway and shoot hoops. Even play tag. Sorry but don't use not being able to interact with your kids as a reason to leave. Make an effort. 
Sounds like you have one foot out the door already. Your wife knows this by the way. We can tell that you are completely uninterested in what is going on.

If you're ready to leave then leave. Don't make it worse by having an affair first...that only hurts your wife and kids more.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MisterJinx said:


> For what it's worth, just want to tell you all that based in part on the advice here, I decided to not go through with the initial meeting for drinks with that other woman, and the whole thing is over before it really got started.
> 
> I am going to work on trying to be a better father and husband.
> 
> I appreciate the feedback everyone gave. It really did help me make this call, and -- without trying to excessively aggrandize anything -- some of you guys and gals may have had a hand in saving my marriage.



You have chosen wisely. As a father of two daughters I can relate. I played Barbie more than I can count. My kids took to my W more. It was only natural as she spent more time with them. As they grown older that changed as they did things with me. Concerts, fishing and the like. Being a H/dad is a honorable profession. Some respect that. Others not so much. However, see the forest for the trees. Your W always comes first. Do not loose sight of that. The spark is always there but it needs to be fanned from time to time. Being a H and father is not easy. It takes work. At the end of the day sometimes you need to find it in yourself to say, "Job well done." Often we (moms and dads) do not hear that. So, "job well done" on taking the path that is the correct one.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> MisterJinx said:
> 
> 
> > For what it's worth, just want to tell you all that based in part on the advice here, I decided to not go through with the initial meeting for drinks with that other woman, and the whole thing is over before it really got started.
> ...


It doesn't sound like there is any spark with the wife. He says he settled.

He's worried about time passing and still being able to snag a woman 10 years younger than himself.

I think he should do his wife a favor and divorce her. I think it will be a WIN for her.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

If you intend on staying in your marriage and working on things i recommend and IC (Individual counselor) To delve into how you feel you settled and whether or not you have some sort of grand view of yourself. 

For example. You feel you settled on your wife, hence your children are a result of that settling for less therefore in your eyes they are also less. (You can't claim you are a loving and devoted father after that initial post) Why? What inside YOU makes you feel that this core family is not worthy of your time effort and hands on love? is this a flaw in you? Etc? 

I feel you will also need marriage counseling. Maybe down the road after some IC. You need to do the work on you first about why you can't seem to really....well LOVE. 

Please also consider sticking around and bouncing off your struggles here at TAM. I feel thought its harsh here, you have real room for growth as a person.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Livvie said:


> It doesn't sound like there is any spark with the wife. He says he settled.
> 
> He's worried about time passing and still being able to snag a woman 10 years younger than himself.
> 
> I think he should do his wife a favor and divorce her. I think it will be a WIN for her.


The idea of "settling" might be spurned from the situation he is in now. You know, the hot young chicks that are showing him some play.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

The entire reading of the original post, I kept asking myself when the mention of another woman (or women) would come up.

Predictable.

Honestly, you don't sound all that exciting, either. People who complain that they are bored are often the most boring.

Bottom line, you chose to marry and have children with your wife. Try emotionally investing in her rather than on other things outside of your marriage. She likely feels that disconnect as well. If so, it is no wonder your intimacy is lacking in charge.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

MisterJinx said:


> For what it's worth, just want to tell you all that based in part on the advice here, I decided to not go through with the initial meeting for drinks with that other woman, and the whole thing is over before it really got started.
> 
> I am going to work on trying to be a better father and husband.
> 
> I appreciate the feedback everyone gave. It really did help me make this call, and -- without trying to excessively aggrandize anything -- some of you guys and gals may have had a hand in saving my marriage.


Don't get ahead of yourself. 

Reconnecting can take years. It took the better part of two for me. Maybe you are in a better position with your wife.

When was the last time you tried to break out of your rut in the bedroom? What was your wife's response?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

MisterJinx said:


> For what it's worth, just want to tell you all that based in part on the advice here, I decided to not go through with the initial meeting for drinks with that other woman, and the whole thing is over before it really got started.
> 
> I am going to work on trying to be a better father and husband.
> 
> I appreciate the feedback everyone gave. It really did help me make this call, and -- without trying to excessively aggrandize anything -- some of you guys and gals may have had a hand in saving my marriage.


Read MAJDEATH post again. I think he is spot on.

I have been married 25 years and have gone through exactly the same things you have.
One thing I will tell you is that YOU have the power to make your life interesting. I had boring sex for over 20 years and now my wife is rocking my world. It's not how your wife looks necessarily, it's that nasty glean in her eyes that makes all the difference. I think she'll be sexy when she's 70. You can create that glean if you work at it. 
However, you have to be ALL IN, or it will be impossible.

If you think your wife does not know you're MIA, you're wrong. She may not know specifics, but she can sense that something is just not the way it should be. All this is currently doing is drawing both of you apart. 

Commit
Invest 
Work
Reap

No body said it was going to be easy.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Your W could be the sexiest woman that you have ever known, because middle aged women don't have time to waste, and they know exactly what they want and who they want. Just make sure that somebody is you, and you will be a very happy man .


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## MisterJinx (Apr 13, 2016)

UMP said:


> Read MAJDEATH post again. I think he is spot on.
> 
> I have been married 25 years and have gone through exactly the same things you have.
> One thing I will tell you is that YOU have the power to make your life interesting. I had boring sex for over 20 years and now my wife is rocking my world. It's not how your wife looks necessarily, it's that nasty glean in her eyes that makes all the difference. I think she'll be sexy when she's 70. You can create that glean if you work at it.
> ...


Thanks for this and, more generally, thanks to everyone for the feedback. Even the "tough love," and even those saying I don't sound that interesting. :smile2: I can take it. I was trying to describe a quandary, not to lay out a case for me being a great catch.

There is some great advice here and I'm glad to have found the forum. I may be back with some more color on, e.g., the "settling" issue or the extent to which I love my family.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Please due keep posting. I would like to add to MAJDEATH post above quoted by UMP, yep, my W and I are middle aged. Our girls 18 and 21. We have connect like never before. Now that we are free of general worry of our kids(you will always worry) there is a new found freedom my W and I really enjoy. And concerning the freedom in the bedroom...the freak flag has never flown like this!


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

Life is too short to spend it like you are. I know it will be very hard on the kids. But a bad marriage won't be good for them either.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

I think the biggest issue is that you "settled" for your wife. You seem like someone who never had a ton of luck with women and perhaps worried about being alone. I can relate to this, I am not knocking you. You'd be amazed at how many marriages are the result of "well, she likes me and she's not bad, someone better may never come along". It happens. Anyone who says it never happens is kidding themselves. Then before you know it, kids, family, and a mid-life crisis.

Honestly I am not sure you can make yourself feel something for your wife that you never really felt in the first place. It's not like you fell out of love with her.

You need to make a choice. There is no halfway. Commit to your wife and accept that you may never feel that strong electric attraction for her... or divorce. Divorce is hard, but people have done it and lived. The choice is yours but there are only those 2 choices.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MikeTO (Aug 18, 2016)

MisterJinx said:


> Thanks, Herschel. I understand where you're coming from, and I definitely anticipated some responses to that effect.
> 
> The odd thing to me is that growing up, and even as a young man, I thought I'd be a good father, and in some respects I am a good one. I care about my kids deeply. I check out their teachers, I researched the hell out of our school district, I make sure they get their Omega-3s, I talk to them as much as they'll listen, I read to the kids when I've been around, I teach them things whenever I am around and can, and so on. I've had people tell me I'd be a "good dad" my whole life, and I generally am a kind, sensitive, compassionate, and empathetic person. I don't think I'm a bad guy, although I guess nobody thinks he is. I just have a hard time spending a lot of time doing the activities they are into at this point, and I have the relatively uninteresting marriage I described.
> 
> From what I've seen on forums like this before, while my circumstances here are to an extent unique, similar posts seem to get about 90% people reacting unfavorably (or even belittling or mocking them), saying they need to grow up and move on, and so forth, with 10% appearing to understand at some level. From what I've seen, it seems like some guys really enjoy and are into family life and others just don't. The weird thing with me is that everything pointed to me being a candidate to enjoy it, and that's how I got into it. I never wanted to be the kind of guy still hanging out in bars in his 30s, and I've never been afraid of commitment, excessively selfish, or any of that. I just am having a hard time. I'm not necessarily looking just for that 10% who might understand where I'm coming from (or, more generally, for anyone to tell me what I want to hear -- honestly, I don't even know what that is), but I'm genuinely curious to receive advice across the spectrum. Thanks again.



Read the book "The Myth of Male Power' It is a wonderful book. I haven't read it personally however I have listened to an interview about the book and it goes pretty much in dept. Your problem is common among men. 

If you only work 40 hour week you can't provide everything your family wants so you work over time however you feel you're not being loved because you can't spend time with them. Some men love their wife but also resent her for this.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Yeswecan said:


> Big Bingo.


I am looking forward to our Phase 3/4.


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Do the right thing. Divorce your wife and don't fight her on an ounce of alimony and child support. Move to a place you can afford and be sure she stays in the home that your kids are growing up in. They won't notice or miss you much since you haven't done much to be part of their lives. 

And please don't bring your new, younger miss thing around when you land one. No one wants to see that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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