# So mean?



## captainron (Feb 19, 2010)

How can a person be so mean?me and the STBX was together for 11+ years, she wanted the divorce, said she doesn't want to hurt me when she left. But now after the dust has settled alittle bit she just nags at me whenever I see her, big things little things. It's allways something. She just came to pick up the boys and I had all there stuff packed and outside ready for her, she pulled in and I hugged and kissed the boys and sent them out. When they were all loaded up she came to the front door to tell me I upset one of them because she said I pushed them out the door, more nagging at me. When we were married she never *****ed or nagged at me, now I just want to stay away from her because of it, maybe someones trying to make me hate her, so I can get over her!
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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

It sounds like she is trying to egg you on it is easier to end something with someone when they are being a jerk to them. I notice H was doing this yesterday and I remained calm and told him that if he was going to be negative I would not talk to him....I didn't want that type of attitude anymore in the house. Keep calm and carry on....don't allow her to bring that out in you.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Captain, I think people are "mean" in situations like yours for a number of reasons. The first one is rather obvious. They are simply upset where the relationship is at, and frustrated it's headed towards divorce as this wasn't their original intent. Mean just flows as a biproduct of frustration and anger.

The second, is that in their mind you have actually done, or in some cases failed to do things that in essence have "earned" you their wrath. An obvious example of this would be anger stemming from being cheated on or betrayed. I imagine you could also get there by simply being reckless with someone else's heart or finances who trusted and depended on you. 

A third possibility is that they are looking for ammo to justify their decision. Finallyseewhy touched on this above, and I agree it's a definite possibility.

Fourth anyone? I would suggest mental illness or other biochemical disturbance as another likely candidate. This is a tough one personally, as it leaves the receiver feeling attacked unfairly. It also sucks having someone re-write the whole history of your relationship...or so I've heard. Uhum.

I'm sure there is a 5th and 6th as well, but I just thought I'd touch on the four I was personally familiar with. Good luck CI, and hang in there. It sounds like you and I are walking a similar road.

LIL


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

The 4th is the best explanation I have as far as my stb -ex. After her "change in life" she had her ovaries out and then refused to take any type of hormone replacement. In the last 24 months she has become increasingly agressive and mean spirited with a hard edge. Definately not the person I married and at this point I really don't even know her. If I were to meet her as a stranger now, I'd probably walk the other way... I'd guess it's a combo of lack of hormones and a serious low level of nuero transmitters. She definately needs hormones and seritonin uptake inhibitors, but she just laughs when I bring it up. No helping the woman, all I can is ride this out until the end and hope that I never have to see her again.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

captainron said:


> When they were all loaded up she came to the front door to tell me I upset one of them because she said I pushed them out the door, more nagging at me.


your little boy felt hurt because he felt you pushed him out the door and your wife told you he was hurt and you think that is nagging you? i dont get it. was your son really hurt? are you not concerned about how your son might have felt?


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## captainron (Feb 19, 2010)

Blanca said:


> your little boy felt hurt because he felt you pushed him out the door and your wife told you he was hurt and you think that is nagging you? i dont get it. was your son really hurt? are you not concerned about how your son might have felt?


I should of wrote down that he wasn't hurt I talked to him later, she just looks for anything to nag about, I put my kids first over anything
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