# Did Your Spouse/Partner Think the OM/OW Was Better-Looking Than You?



## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

My wife thought her other guy was hot. She never said that about me.


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## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

Dunno, he didn't see her at the time of DD, but I know she's thinner than I am from what she's told him, and his own race, so maybe there's that. He thinks I'm gorgeous, but that didn't matter in the moment.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Ghost Rider said:


> My wife thought her other guy was hot. She never said that about me.


I'm wondering if there is a gender specific pattern.

My husband told me that he did not find his special friend attractive. But given the way he was acting, you would think she had a leash attached to his balls.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

they say affairs are not about who's good looking and who's not. they say affairs are about meeting needs that 
the cheater thinks they are not getting met. the common thing i hear is that more often than not, cheaters 'affair down', not 'up'.

that was true in both my cases. one ex of mine cheated with an overweight loud mouthed alcoholic, but he made her 
laugh and they shared misery together and he was a flirt which she couldn't resist.

the other case my ex thought i was gorgeous, said so often (at least in the beginning before she turned on me). when i saw who she cheated with i thought "huh???"


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

For me, hot is a combination of factors and physical appearance is only part of it. Chemistry also plays a part as does personality. A man who is a 9 in appearance but who I am not chemically attracted to isn't hot to me. A man who is a 5 or 6 in physical appearance, but who I am strongly chemically attracted to is hot to me.

I was a WW in my first marriage with multiple OM. I think my OM were better looking than my exH, but then I was chemically attracted to my OM and was not chemically attracted to my exH.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

My XWW was highly attracted to the OM and thought he was great looking. Objectively though, I am much better looking and have a much better body so I'm not sure what rose colored glasses she was looking through. Not that it matters though, since his looks were pretty irrelevant to the situation.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

He was 20 years older than me, fat, balding and a full time alcoholic. His bank statement was "prettier" than mine so I sure she found that hot.....


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife still thinks that I am a 11 and that she is way out of my league. She had sex with one other guy in her entire life at my urging and hated it, did not orgasm and never wanted to have sex with another man again. I had sex with a model and she was gorgeous and it was the best sex of my life. The problem was that she was constantly travelling all over the world and never in one place that allowed her to have any kind of relationship. So she was better looking than my wife but the only one out of the girls I had sex with in my lifetime. ,


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Query, of what value is the word/opinion of a known liar who lacks integrity and honor?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

NoChoice said:


> Query, of what value is the word/opinion of a known liar who lacks integrity and honor?


Whatever a cheater says against the backdrop of reality will say something about the speaker. I find patterns interesting.

What I found between both my first and second husband, when I made inquiries about their so called friend, they both claimed
1. they don't know her all that well
2. they don't like all that much
3. they don't find her all that attractive.

I was just wondering if that was a man thing.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> Whatever a cheater says against the backdrop of reality will say something about the speaker. I find patterns interesting.
> 
> What I found between both my first and second husband, when I made inquiries about their so called friend, they both claimed
> 1. they don't know her all that well
> ...


That's not just a man thing, my crazy ex said all those things to in regards to Mr perfect.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

OM was a greasy slimeball.

But he always had plenty of lady friends and a long-suffering wife. Who eventually divorced him.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

In a rare and short lived honest moment my W did tell me something like "wow OM-1 was really handsome". This was odd because my W likes to claim that a persons values and behavior matter more to her than looks. 

But my W is almost like two persons, one has very high integrity like her Mom who told me she never cheated on her serial cheating father, and the other like her father conceited with a refined appreciation for beauty in others. 

When I recently read through her old diaries and love letters it seems this is an long standing issue with my W, prior to me she was dating two guys at the same time and had a real internal struggle because one was good looking and the other was a good person. 

Tamat


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Hell, I don't know! Ask her!

But if you ask me, one of my RSXW's covert BF's resembles a cross between something like Baby Huey and Little Lord Larda$$!

Let's just say that he is so damned fat that if he goes and gets his shoes shined at a shoe shine stand, he pretty much has to take their word for it that his shoes have been shined!

If someone told him to "haul a$$," he'd have to make at least three trips!*


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Don't do this to yourself.


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## karr99 (Jun 28, 2017)

I think look is an objective matters, all i know is that she wasn't xH's type at all. It's all about ego stroke and less about appearance. Anyway, we're divorced now which is why i can breath freely now


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

The truth is that spouses don't cheat merely because they ran into someone good/better looking. If that were true, there'd be a 100% cheating rate going on.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

VladDracul said:


> The truth is that spouses don't cheat merely because they ran into someone good/better looking. If that were true, there'd be a 100% cheating rate going on.


Thank you. I sent you a PM in response to the one you sent me a million years ago.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Proof that surface physical appearance is not the primary driver in infidelity:

Exhibit 1: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Look at Maria Schreiver then look at their nanny. 

Exhibit 2: Prince Charles
Look at Lady Di then look at Camilla Parker Bowles.


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## Aletta (Aug 7, 2017)

My husband told me that she was definitely less attractive and less intelligent than me. I know her so I agree lol 

I just don't get it. I always assumed that OW tends to be a stunner. I guess not, according to everything I have read. I guess they are just available and ready to stoop low.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Cheating isn't about upgrading, it's about getting extra. It's about having cake and eating it too and then getting more cake. 

When people come across someone that is a clear upgrade over their current partner they often just leave. 

If someone has an ongoing affair that goes on over time, the AP is usually no better than the BS. 

Now they may be a little better looking, but aren't relationship material or perhaps they will only do casual hook ups with the WS and don't want them fulltime.

But from what I've seen in real life, if the WS sincerely thinks the AP is a bigger, better deal and the AP will take the WS fulltime, the WS usually packs up and leaves. 

I know a couple that met on a Fri night and by the next week both had left their BSs.

She you hear of someone that has had an AP for months or even years, the AP is almost always a step down or the AP refuses to go fulltime with the WS.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

GR-

I hope you told her to go be with her OM and to never come back. you can do so much better.


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## GoingCrazyNow (Jun 28, 2017)

My WW's POSOM in my opinion looks like a friggin monkey that breathes out of his mouth. I guess she was attracted to him being an excon, 6 years younger than her, making $20 and hour, and living in his parents basement. He is 100% a downgrade from me.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Aletta said:


> I just don't get it. I always assumed that OW tends to be a stunner. I guess not, according to everything I have read.


Most 'stunners' have the pick of the litter, and don't have to settle for someone else's average looking, out of shape, balding husband.

Most husbands can only attract the low hanging fruit.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

VladDracul said:


> The truth is that spouses don't cheat merely because they ran into someone good/better looking. If that were true, there'd be a 100% cheating rate going on.


Well I'm pretty sure its dam close to that anyway.
And NO even though i'm 3 years older than the OM I'm much better looking. 

Don't WW usually cheat up and WM usually cheat down?


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## LonelyDragon (Aug 10, 2017)

My H called the OW beautiful and that she had the nicest ass in the county. (read the texts and emails) In my opinion she is not attractive at all and has no ass, so I'm guessing he is just blinded by the Emotional attachment he has to her. He never said she was prettier than me, but I guess he thinks her ass is better (that would be a NO).


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> Don't WW usually cheat up and WM usually cheat down?


Women generally pick affair partners just as bad as men. They are rarely upgrades. Affairs are fueled much more by emotions. The illicit relationship, the thrill of it and the ego feeding, all this seems to play more into afairs that how good looking they are.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

honcho said:


> Women generally pick affair partners just as bad as men. They are rarely upgrades. Affairs are fueled much more by emotions. The illicit relationship, the thrill of it and the ego feeding, all this seems to play more into afairs that how good looking they are.


*Both my XW and my RSXW are guilty of this!

Let's just say that both of their "marital" and "post-marital" BF's physical appearances were definitely not anything to be "writing home about!"

Unless, of course, they were housing anacondas in their drawers!*


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Not actually an OW, but between marriages I did have a two year relationship with a lady that I totally loved and adored even though I thought at the time she was average looking. Of course, I never said this to her! Truly it was was her personality that won me over. However, she did have the cutest bum, both back and front (sometimes I wish I kept my photos of her  Sadly, circumstances beyond our control meant we had to part.
If I ever have to make a choice again, I'd put personality before looks.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Did Your WW *Think* the OM Was Better-Looking Than You?

Yepper...

Her 1st OM was a newly hired D principal at the school she taught. He played all the ladies, slept with at least 4 teachers at the same school. The 1st time I met him I noticed that he had "Blond Highlights" in his hair and a year-around tan. I had him figured out in 5 min. I even told my W this guy is a creep. 

I should of pick up on the constant talk about how _"he's a great principal, he cares so much for the faculty, I really like his style". _


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

This reminds me of the old joke:



> A very prestigious wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
> 
> The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
> 
> ...


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

similar joke....

A guy goes up to a beautiful call girl in a hotel lobby and asks how much, "$500" she replies. "How about $50" he responds. "Go to HE**" she says and he walks off. 

A few months later the guy passes through the lobby with his wife, the call girl sees him and shakes her head and says to him "see what you get for $50".


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

I'm not sure what he thought. She was a former model, so she was definitely thinner than me, but I can confidently say she was not prettier. However, looks are subjective so he may have thought so.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Primrose said:


> I'm not sure what he thought. She was a former model, so she was definitely thinner than me, but I can confidently say she was not prettier. *However, looks are subjective so he may have thought so*.



I agree with this. so in my situation, I saw a couple of photos of his so called friend where she did look pretty in the face. Many did not but I put that down that to the possibility that she may not have been photogenic ...... like me.

She was definitely overweight.

But one thing that I will not say "to each his own" to is bad behavior. Don't try to justify it or call me catty for having higher standards.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Sometimes they just cheat to stick a dagger in your heart. 
In my case looks had nothing to do with it. Controlling me was the issue.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

During our separation W indicated that most OM were "on par" with me, some older, some younger. 

She noted a particularly cute hockey player who she just had to invite over that evening. She said his body was so perfect that after he went to sleep she called her best friend to the room, and seripticously pulled back the sheets to show her the total package.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> Whatever a cheater says against the backdrop of reality will say something about the speaker. I find patterns interesting.
> 
> What I found between both my first and second husband, when I made inquiries about their so called friend, they both claimed
> 1. they don't know her all that well
> ...


They just lie through their teeth to save their asses, would you believe anything a cheater says?:grin2:


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Cheaters lie, gaslight, and/or TT. Even when it is with permission.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Apparently she did. She never called OM by name in their emails and messages. Instead, she would refer to him as gorgeous.


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