# A brief rant



## quizicalfrog (Oct 18, 2008)

I'm new here- and I really don't know where to start. 
I've been married for 11 years. I'm not happy- but I'm not miserable. The marriage is failing and I really feel as if I am just treading water as I wait for our son to graduate from high school- and for me to finish my degree. 
I got married at 29- we had dated for 2 years before we got married- I thought I was ready- I thought I knew him.
We have not had sex in over a year- I know he "takes care" of himself- but who wants to masturbate over having sex-for a year. It's not just that our sex life is so appalling- it is the complete lack of intimacy on any level- the lack of touch, conversation- just being together. I can't remember the last time he kissed me. I used to try to initiate sex- but after being shot down enough times -I just stopped. 
Tonight I am sleeping in my daughters room. I guess I feel that roommates don't sleep together - why should we. 
I don't know what the future holds. I told him if things did not change- then when the oldest is out of high school- I was leaving. I just want to make sure that I can support the girls- on my own. I have often thought if it were my spouse - telling me that he is so unhappy with the way our marriage is going- that he has an exit planned- I might look into changing- the things that were going wrong- or take him up on the counseling suggestion. He does nothing. He stands there with the blank expression on his face - and it drives me crazy!

Thank you for letting me rant- vent a little and get it off my chest. 
Sleep beckons and I am going to answer.
quizicalfrog


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

This forum is a great place to rant. Some times just bring our problems out into the open, provides some comfort. I hate to ask this....but, do you think your husband is seeing someone else? How old is he?


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## mchris65 (Oct 18, 2008)

I'm with ya girl, married 17 yrs. and similar issues. Besides not feeling close affection-wise, my husband wasn't taught intimacy growing up (I call them the sports and weather people) and my family is the opposite, we talk deeply about everything. I've felt very lonely in this marriage, and like you have wondered why after all my asking him for an effort has left him immoveable. I know we're supposed to give them specific things to do for us to make us feel better, because they are utterly lost, but when he completely retreats or says, "maybe you should just leave, I don't want to hold you back" it's like, gee thanks for trying! or even LOOKING concerned. ugh. I get the roommate thing, we sleep separately too, and I prefer it because I like to stay up later, and he complains too much about getting sleep. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and no offense of course but I'm glad I'm not either.


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## quizicalfrog (Oct 18, 2008)

mchris65

Are we married to the same person. I am a night owl by nature. I go to bed - because I know I have to- no later than 11 now. I would prefer to stay up. He goes to be no later than 8- right now it's because he works strange hours- but even before it was no later than 9pm. 
I don't know if he is cheating or not- I don't know when he would have the time- but I know where there's a will there's a way. I don't have the energy to have an affair- although I did tell him I spent my 30's in a basically sexless marriage I was not going to waste my 40's not having sex. 
I find myself dreading the time he wants to spend with the family. He just does not realize the damage that has been done or what it is going to take to repair it.


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

mchris65 said:


> I'm with ya girl, married 17 yrs. and similar issues. Besides not feeling close affection-wise, my husband wasn't taught intimacy growing up (I call them the sports and weather people) and my family is the opposite, we talk deeply about everything. I've felt very lonely in this marriage, and like you have wondered why after all my asking him for an effort has left him immoveable. I know we're supposed to give them specific things to do for us to make us feel better, because they are utterly lost, but when he completely retreats or says, "maybe you should just leave, I don't want to hold you back" it's like, gee thanks for trying! or even LOOKING concerned. ugh. I get the roommate thing, we sleep separately too, and I prefer it because I like to stay up later, and he complains too much about getting sleep. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and no offense of course but I'm glad I'm not either.


I have been married for only 4 years, however I feel my marriage is headed this way too.

My husband too is not an affectionate or emotional person. I often question if he truly loves me, or if he is just here because of our 2 kids.

My husband can be content coming home eating dinner alone while watching TV, then retreating in the family room to watch more TV. There are times where it is me and the kids downstairs playing and he is upstairs watching TV. A night of spending quality time in my husband's eyes is, you guessed it. Watching TV.

When I suggest to him that we take the kids to park, he says he does not want to go. I have to force him to go and have fun with the kids.


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