# Where's the Sex?



## MrsCrowe13 (Nov 18, 2013)

Hi ya'll!

I just got married a month ago and in that month we've only had sex 5 times including our wedding night. I know everyone is different but I'm worried. We used to go at it like rabbits. Actually my husband was the first mind-blowing sex of any lover I've ever had. We've been together for 8 years, living together off and on so I know what he's capable of in the bedroom.

He works a lot so I understand that he's tired, but how tired can someone be? Am I being selfish? Out of the 5 times, 2 I have initiated, 1 was because it was our wedding night, 1 he initiated and 1 was kind of mutual I guess. I feel lonely, unattractive and somewhat rejected. Especially since he's not tired to play video games. There are so many opportunities to make love and he doesn't take them. Am I to initiate every time? 

I feel like crying because I love my husband and I know he loves me. What am I to do?


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## Random_Girl (Nov 17, 2013)

Have you discussed this with him at all?


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

Tell him that you don't want to be in a loving, yet sexless marriage. Tell him that you want both, or see no point in being married, for either of you.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Communicate. I am in a sexless marriage and our total for the entire year is 5 times ... and it is a good year.

You've been together for 8 years before marriage. I don't know if I would expect honeymoon sex if you've been together that long. I would not panic yet. Just talk to him. It may be an off month for him ... who knows unless you ask him. I would listen carefully and not put undo pressure on him but don't let this become a precedent. If you feel it is time to set expectations, do it in a positive way without blame 

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Talk to him. Let him know what you want and need...


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## kjm (Jan 8, 2011)

If you dont mind me asking- how old are you roughly? Or more importantly, how old is he? I noticed a huge drop in drive at around 40 when her drive picked up dramatically. We ended up meeting in the middle. We averaged 3 times a week in our first year. then that dropped off to 2x a week in our second, and by our fourth year it was about once a month for seven years. Then we got counseling. Things got better, but I am always surprised when it is the man who isn't doing his fair share.


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## doctor is in (Dec 8, 2012)

Did you live together before getting married? I think it tends to cool down a lot when you move in together. Also, 8 years is decent. I will be happy if I get 5 times a month when we're 8 years down the road. You're not going to have the same amount of sex as you used to 8 years later, and that's natural. Alternatively, perhaps you're the HD one, and he was trying to satisfy you in the previous years to keep you happy? And now he feels more relaxed and doesn't feel the need to go out of his way as much after you tied the knot. Just throwing theories out there. Some men also like the concept of chase to some extent, and it's easier for them to lose interest when you're available anytime they like. It sucks, but that's how some men are. I stopped initiating for a while, and eventually we started having more sex. I turned down the passion, and he naturally tried to "get me back". He even began making sexual implications and jokes, when before that it was usually me, and he would completely ignore it.


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## UsernameHere (Sep 26, 2013)

MrsCrowe13 said:


> *Especially since he's not tired to play video games.* There are so many opportunities to make love and he doesn't take them. Am I to initiate every time?
> 
> I feel like crying because I love my husband and I know he loves me. What am I to do?


I fell into that trap, worked hard but spent too much Xbox gaming time when I got home, for nearly a year this was a killer to the sex life.

After my wake up call, I ditched the xbox, started sharing more the work around the house, and helped more with cooking, which I now enjoy. Sex life slowly returning back to some normality:smthumbup:


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## sgreenberg (Jul 9, 2013)

Yeah, digital distractions can be a killer to intimacy of all sorts. I'd talk to him about it for sure.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

UsernameHere said:


> I fell into that trap, worked hard but spent too much Xbox gaming time when I got home, for nearly a year this was a killer to the sex life.
> 
> After my wake up call, I ditched the xbox, started sharing more the work around the house, and helped more with cooking, which I now enjoy. Sex life slowly returning back to some normality:smthumbup:


I can empathise with this too. I have a job that can, at times, be very stressful. Often when I get home I need half an hour of ME time to chill out, unwind, relax etc watching crap on TV or whatever before I am 'ready' to face the usual noise and bustle etc of home life and be a useful integral part of the family.

A female colleague one said to me, 'first I am ME, then I am my husbands lover and wife, then I am a mother. There are times when my role as a mother are more important that that of being a wife or lover but each role is as important as the other and each role MUST have its own time.'
I though! she was spot on! Lucky herself, her husband and her children!


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## MrDarkDream (Jan 12, 2013)

Was there a drop in frequency before you got married or did it start right after you got married? It's been only a month so I would not blow it out of proportion, still you might want to ask him if he's stressed about something. There might be wedding bills, work issues or any number of things that might be creating a temporary interference.


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## quandtrtle (Nov 22, 2013)

I would listen carefully and not put undo pressure on him but don't let this become a precedent.


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Say something, do not let it go. Or it will hurt you in the long run. Deal with it now-trust me~~


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Did he have to be persuaded to get married? Even gently? Eight years seems like a long time for a marriage-minded man to "date".


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Daisy10 said:


> Tell him that you don't want to be in a loving, yet sexless marriage. Tell him that you want both, or see no point in being married, for either of you.


:iagree:


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