# Lost



## Angelblue (Dec 18, 2013)

My husband and I have been together 7 years and married for 6. In the last almost 3 years he has not held a job of any kind. I've asked him to please at least find a part time job. He has all kinds of excuses as to why he can't find a job. I'm at my wits end here with him. On top of that he has become very very lazy and distrusting in the last few years. He checks the gas gauge on the car, as well as the mileage. He checks my bank account all the time, if he thinks I spent money on me he flips out. He wants to go with me when I have me time with my girlfriends. He gets nosy when I txt someone..wanting to know who I am txtg or who I am calling. If I go into another room; leave the door open and use the computer he is in and out of the room several times looking over my shoulder and stuff. His personal hygiene has gone down hill.. I've tried asking him to please do better on this.. he stays in his p.j. pants all the time.. UGH! I recently found out he had an old domestic abuse charge that stuck on him.She had filed a restraining order against him. I was lead to believe it was dropped. It is a public record too-I only found out b/c someone else checked it out. I work full time and commute to work-my choice to commute. I am afraid if I were to no longer commute he'd be further up my hiner than he is now. He gets jealous if I talk to the opposite sex.. If I am talking to a neighbor he wants to know if we talked about him..What the heck? We stopped having sex long ago b/c he has problems in that area. I'm ready to say forget it and leave for good.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Angelblue said:


> My husband and I have been together 7 years and married for 6. In the last almost 3 years he has not held a job of any kind. I've asked him to please at least find a part time job. He has all kinds of excuses as to why he can't find a job. I'm at my wits end here with him. On top of that he has become very very lazy and distrusting in the last few years. He checks the gas gauge on the car, as well as the mileage. He checks my bank account all the time, if he thinks I spent money on me he flips out. He wants to go with me when I have me time with my girlfriends. He gets nosy when I txt someone..wanting to know who I am txtg or who I am calling. If I go into another room; leave the door open and use the computer he is in and out of the room several times looking over my shoulder and stuff. His personal hygiene has gone down hill.. I've tried asking him to please do better on this.. he stays in his p.j. pants all the time.. UGH! I recently found out he had an old domestic abuse charge that stuck on him.She had filed a restraining order against him. I was lead to believe it was dropped. It is a public record too-I only found out b/c someone else checked it out. I work full time and commute to work-my choice to commute. I am afraid if I were to no longer commute he'd be further up my hiner than he is now. He gets jealous if I talk to the opposite sex.. If I am talking to a neighbor he wants to know if we talked about him..What the heck? We stopped having sex long ago b/c he has problems in that area. I'm ready to say forget it and leave for good.


That's pretty unpleasant. I feel for you.

Where is his money coming from, and what does he do when you're at work?

What did he used to do?


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Any kids?

The guy sounds like he has a mental condition....


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Any kids?
> 
> The guy sounds like he has a mental condition....


I agree - definitely some form of depression, maybe compounded with other conditions.

Having suffered from depression for most of my life, it's plain to see.


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## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

You are enabling his behavior.Change the passwords on your bank account...set up one of your own, in your name only. Deposit your money in it and do not allow him to get to it. 

This control behavior needs to stop, but you have to actually want it to stop. If you do, you can start to make moves to be more independent. Are you in IC? Is he in IC? Are you in MC together. All three would be good. This is an unhealthy relationship built on fear, manipulation and control. You deserve better, but do you love yourself? Do you think you deserve better? Why are you putting up with a free-loading husband, who has no prospects, who then tries to control you in every single way? You have some long hard work to do on yourself.

Read, Codependent No More, by Melonie Beattie. Good start.


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