# Why do men cheat?



## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

Hi Guys,
I am posing a question here..

Why does a man cheat on his wife?

Are there several reasons, like the following:

1) Boredom

2) Not enough attention and validation from her

3) Loss of connection from her

4) No sex with the wife

5) Lack of emotional connection with her

I am not sure if this puts it all into the correct categories..but I AM interested as to why.

Let me know what you think. Also..do you think it is the same on BOTH sides?

thanks!


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

excitement, variety, taboo, drunk, lonely, ego...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think out of pure selfishness and yes it goes for both sides.

draconis


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## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

Wow...quick response..

I was talking a with a guy just last night about this subject. He said he was simply bored with the same routine with his wife, and so he cheated on her, broke her heart, and then ended the marriage because he felt he might hurt her again. He was an extrovert and she was an introvert..I found it interesting. He said they were seeing each other again and that he did miss the familiarity that went along with the relationship, ie her knowing him more than anyone else..all of that stuff.

I found it really interesting that he said he cheated on her simply because he got bored, and that the routine was something he always could expect.

He said, a man needs to have some "mistery" in the relationship with a woman to keep him happy. What do you guys think?


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

6 human needs aren't being met at the levels the husband and wife both desire.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

okay, mystery, six basic needs, boredom...


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

cao428 said:


> Wow...quick response..
> 
> I was talking a with a guy just last night about this subject. He said he was simply bored with the same routine with his wife, and so he cheated on her, broke her heart, and then ended the marriage because he felt he might hurt her again. He was an extrovert and she was an introvert..I found it interesting. He said they were seeing each other again and that he did miss the familiarity that went along with the relationship, ie her knowing him more than anyone else..all of that stuff.
> 
> ...



BS...if you are bored than it is your responciblity to communicate the problem and work on solutions. After ten years of being with my wife I have never been "bored", but than again we communicate well.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

see that is funny...

I always viewed it as "an affair is a waste of time and money"

Why would I spend my money to sneak around, to try and hide someone....for sex?

Sex is sex....what is the difference between having sex with my wife and some strange woman besides a cheap thrill? well expensive really.

Why hurt my wife? why hurt my kids? why hurt my siblings? Why go through a bitter divorce.....for sex???

to me sex is sex....what I ahve with my wife is so much more and not worth ever losing.


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

People that chear are weakminded and weak spirited. Man or woman. Selfish-Me,me,me types. I am not getting what I need! How about your partners needs? If you are fullfilling those-you probably won't even consider the thought of cheating. Oh yeah, they are insecure also. Lowerring your standards often happens to make you feel better about yourself. This always bites you later. I think the simple "quick" answer is that men like it when a woman builds his ego some. I think men and women are carbon copies of each other in that regard. Compliments do wonders.


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## Melancholy (Nov 15, 2008)

Guys cheat because it's a natural urge we have to share our man-juice with every breathing thing with mammary glands (within the same species). It does require some small effort to concentrate and commit to a single monogamous relationship. Women on the other hand were designed and instinctively demand a monogamous relationship.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Melancholy said:


> Women on the other hand were designed and instinctively demand a monogamous relationship.


buddy, science doesn't agree with you on that, fyi.


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## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

Wow, lots of different responses. It feels good to hear some of the ones from those that seem satisfied at home..so why roam?
Draconis..never bored..that's awesome, Soccerman...as well, but you know it's MUCH more than just sex, right? What you have with her has to be much more. 

The guy that was on Oprah recently and whom did a study on the subject said the biggest reason men cheat is because of "lack of emotional connection" with their wives. I guess that would cover a lot of the categories like "boredom, excitement, communication, etc."

Melancholy, I got a kick out of yours..but there may be something to that...and voivod, yes I did see something on the tube about nature and how the animal world is very promiscuous..including birds. While the male is keeping the nest warm the female is getting it in the bushes from another! 

Magicsunseto8, I think you are right that a man needs his wife to let him know he is her hero, ie build him up. Maybe we women fall short in that arena sometimes. You guys need to be made to feel you are honored (just like we do) 

Greatermindset, what do you think the 6 needs we have are?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

GAsoccerman makes a great point for the rational human. i just think that cheating is such an irrational act that it doesn't occur to the cheater.


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## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

voivod,

What do you mean? That they don't know what they're doing? I am not sure I agree but plse explain.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

okay, GAsoccerman says:



GAsoccerman said:


> I always viewed it as "an affair is a waste of time and money"
> 
> Why would I spend my money to sneak around, to try and hide someone....for sex?
> 
> ...



he says why in the hell would somebody have an affair? you asked for reasons why. he's giving you reasons why a rational person WOULDN'T. i just don't think someone who would cheat is in their rational mind at the time. and sex is so relatively available at home (i'd think) so why go somewhere else to get it and jeopardize everything.


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

cao428 said:


> Greatermindset, what do you think the 6 needs we have are?


The 6 human needs are:

1. Certainty
2. Variety
3. Significance
4. Connection and Love
5. Growth
6. Contribution

I've provided a link to help explain this better. I'll also be creating new content that will delve deeper into the subject soon. It pretty much explains why we do the things we do.


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## cao428 (Jun 26, 2008)

Very interesting Greatermindset...thank you for sharing that...I hadn't heard about that perspective before!

voivod, I understand what you are saying now..but the point is many times it seems much more than sex that a man or woman is looking for. The need for attention and validation...as Greatermindset said..I was just wondering where a man comes from on this subject..What is most important to a man more than anything that he feels he isn't getting at home to drive him to another? Or are you guys looking for the same...maybe the answer is a basic yes, but every relationship is so different. I think sex is probably a very insignificant part..am I right? (I am searching for understanding here)


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

cao428 said:


> Very interesting Greatermindset...thank you for sharing that...I hadn't heard about that perspective before!
> 
> voivod, I understand what you are saying now..but the point is many times it seems much more than sex that a man or woman is looking for. The need for attention and validation...as Greatermindset said..I was just wondering where a man comes from on this subject..What is most important to a man more than anything that he feels he isn't getting at home to drive him to another? Or are you guys looking for the same...maybe the answer is a basic yes, but every relationship is so different. I think sex is probably a very insignificant part..am I right? (I am searching for understanding here)


If they're needs aren't being met at home on levels 8s, 9s, and 10s, they'll looking at getting it elsewhere.

The affair may fulfill the follow needs short term, this is not something sustainable, but as humans, some will do anything to meet them if they're craving for them enough and it will meet their needs at high enough levels.

1. Certainty it's going to feel great phsyically
2. Variety, sex alone itself if it's absent from a marriage. New positions, new ways of exploring, etc.
3. Significance that someone else makes him feel great and like a man who can make them happy
4. Connection and love with someone they're missing from their marriage.

That's the basic fundamentals. Basically their needs aren't being met at home and when an opportunity comes up where they can be met, it's a situation they consider taking.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

cao428 said:


> voivod, I understand what you are saying now..but the point is many times it seems much more than sex that a man or woman is looking for. The need for attention and validation...


men cheat for the aforementioned reasons. i've covered a lot of territory for a reason. men cheat cuz they're selfish pigs. same reason women do. i hope i am clear.


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

voivod said:


> men cheat for the aforementioned reasons. i've covered a lot of territory for a reason. men cheat cuz they're selfish pigs. same reason women do. i hope i am clear.


I think to be fair, we should say "*some*" men cheat. Cause lets be truthful about it, not all men cheat on their spouse with an affair.

I know it's not what you intended to say, but I thougth I'd clarify it.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

voivod said:


> men cheat for the aforementioned reasons. i've covered a lot of territory for a reason. men cheat cuz they're selfish pigs. same reason women do. i hope i am clear.



:iagree:

draconis


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