# Need Advice, Bit Long



## trixie (Sep 1, 2009)

I am not married but have been with my boyfriend for 13 years and lived together for 11 of those and have a 3 year old son so this seemed the right place to post this. 
So heres the thing, when we met I was 15, he was 18.
For the last year and a half he has suffered from depression and 2 weeks ago he came into the house a totally different man, he said that he didn't love me anymore and had no feelings for me, obvoiusly I am devestated by this. He then went to stay with his mum. Today I asked him to come around to talk about our son and he did but I also got onto the subject of our relationship, I asked him when he stoped loving me and he said that there is still a part of him that does love me so I replyed that we could try and make it work, to which he replyed that he just didn't have it in him yet to do that. So I said fine and didn't push the subject due to his illness. Now the thing is he has been acting like I have ended the relationship, although I am worried about him because ALL of his family are giving him grief about this because as I was brought up in care and have been with him so long I have grown very close to them all, 2 of his sisters can't even look at him and his mum seems just as devestated as me about it all. What I just don't understand is if there is a small amount of love there still why he is refusing to even try, this is the only time that we have broke up.
I just can't help but think that something just isn't right. I love hiom very much and am prepared to stand by him through this.
before its mentioned I am 100% sure that he has not cheated and he never has nor is he interseted in anyone else at the moment.

Anyway sorry to ramble on, but I would like to know your thoughts on this.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

sorry to say, you can't have the relationship with him by yourself.

Also I think right now his needs and concerns are focused on himself and getting through this and he does not want to be around you, which is why he moved out.
I feel you will be wasting your time to try to make it right. My advise is to leave the door open for him but do not persue him or request he comes back. 
Do what you have to do as far as child supprt from him and let him go to do what he wants to do. You are not legally married, so there will be no messy and long divorce to go through.


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## trixie (Sep 1, 2009)

Thankyou, but if he really doesn't want to be around me why does he keep on coming around when I have asked him not too?


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## pumpkin (Aug 29, 2009)

My first husband was bipolar and he suffered from bouts of severe depression. I went through the exact same situation every time he was depressed. Eventually I spoke to his psychiatrist about it and he explained to me that when someone is severely depressed they shut down. They don't have room for feelings for other people. They are aware that they SHOULD be feeling something but are simply incapable. This is how depressed people with suicidal tendencies are able to do such a dreadful thing without thought of the consequences for their families.
If your partner is receiving treatment for his depression then patience is needed. As he comes out of the depression his feelings and emotions will return. If he is not receiving treatment then I would advise you to help him get some.
It sounds as though your partner recognises that he needs you...maybe you can make that enough for now and work on getting him well again so that he realises how much he cares for you and how much you have been there for him.


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## trixie (Sep 1, 2009)

Thankyou Pumpkin, I am so glad to hear that someone else has been in this situation (although I am sorry hat you have also been through this) I have decided to put m feelings to one side even though it hurts like hell and try to be there for him the best that I can. I was speeking to his sister last night and I don't think that he is on the right medication as he has slowly been getting worse up untill this point, so I will try and speek to him about this if I can without him get defensive.
Thankyou once again


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

trixie said:


> Thankyou, but if he really doesn't want to be around me why does he keep on coming around when I have asked him not too?


Maybe there is something he thinks you will provide for him
or something that he wants from you... or your life.

maybe too, he just does it to show you that you can't stop him.

Don't be so sure the reasons he comes around are because he needs you in a good way like the other poster said...


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