# My female roommate won't talk to me for looking at hallmark cards



## JetFalcon (Sep 8, 2011)

So I am a male living with a female roommate. Basically, my dad set me up with his business friend's daughter who was looking for a place in San Diego. We don't know each other well as we never went to the same high school, don't have any mutual friends, and she comes from a totally different state. Basically, we were never friends at the beginning and I needed a new roommate. I know this is not a marriage, but still, a male/female roommate relationship is more work than I expected if you actually want to be good roommates. I googled "my girlfriend won't talk to me" and I found this thread:http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...4-girlfriend-wont-talk-me-after-argument.html

But anyways, I came home one day and she left some hallmark cards on the table in a bag. One saying "girls want to have fun and chocolate" and the other one was a "i miss you card". So basically, she was writing to people back home. I just looked inside to see what kind of cards she got just being curious what cards she got. Nothing was written in it. 

But when she came home, I just said hi to her as usual and talked a little bit. And then she went to get her cards and then she noticed that they were not in the book she put them in and questioned me if I was looking through them. 

I admitted to looking at them, and she got really angry at me. She said something like, "what's if I wrote something in there" and she was super furious about it that she wouldn't give me a chance to say anything and shut her room door. She looked like she was about to cry like if I took a part of her away, or if I read her super secret diary. 

Now she barely comes out of her room except to just go to the kitchen to get something to eat and tries avoiding me and ignores my presence. I know she is still angry at me, so I played along and also didn't say anything to her to give her space. A few days, fine, but I can't let this thing ruin our roommate relationship. It will just make us both unhappy and I don't want her to move out, she has kept the place very clean and I enjoy her company. 

So how should I go about apologizing and making up to her? I was thinking about writing an "I'm sorry" card and being extremely sincere of how sorry I am and I want us to be roommates on good terms again. And possibly friends again. Also maybe buying her chocolates or gourmet cupcakes. Chocolates because of the card or cupcakes because I've seen her buy them before. 

I just don't feel talking to her straight up will work because she is ignoring me and doesn't even want to acknowledge me. She won't let this go, and I don't think she will forgive me very easily. It's like I robbed her of something so I have no idea if I should acknowledge the fact I messed up big time or if she's being crazy. I just can't keep living with a girl roommate who is always angry to see me everyday. I need to make sure I fix this one up well or else this roommate relationship is going to go to ****.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Maybe a fitness test and maybe not.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18347-fitness-tests.html

She may have just felt you violated her privacy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, with roommates, you don't touch their crap. Ever.

If she was a gf, I'd tell her to chill out lol..


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Yeah. Go apologize. It's not a fitness test. She's just a roomy. 

Don't touch her crap. As innocent as it my be, she may be super private.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AbsolutelyFree (Jan 28, 2011)

Well, I wouldn't buy the chocolate or card. It's a nice thought, but I just wouldn't go that far.

I would try just giving a sincere apology. Don't make any excuses like 'I didn't realize how important it was to you' or 'I didn't think it was a big deal', 'I was just curious', etc.

Own it fully and say that you understand that it was inappropriate and careless to read the cards, and you are sorry for your actions. 

Then you can state your goal for moving forward, that you want to be roommates on good terms again and that you don't want this to ruin your relationship. 

You say that she is ignoring you -- But it is a lot better to apologize in person than through a letter. I think if you are persistant you can at least get her to listen. It is a bit immature of her to just straight up ignore you. I understand that it's probably tense and cold but I think you can get her to listen.


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## JetFalcon (Sep 8, 2011)

AbsolutelyFree said:


> Well, I wouldn't buy the chocolate or card. It's a nice thought, but I just wouldn't go that far.
> 
> I would try just giving a sincere apology. Don't make any excuses like 'I didn't realize how important it was to you' or 'I didn't think it was a big deal', 'I was just curious', etc.
> 
> ...


Yeah, you were right about just going straight up to her and apologizing. I talked to another girl I knew and tried to figure out what to do. And it's funny when I start asking these things, girls get very sincere about it and become a totally different person. It's is like they understand me and have this instinct to really help me. 

And after I was on the phone, my guts told me to just go to her and apologize and owe up to it. Not just say i'm sorry, but really owe up to it and listen to why it upset her and why it's wrong. She didn't say I forgive you and give me a hug, but she wanted to make sure I understood what I did was wrong and still gave me alot of crap for it still, but I figured if I listened to her and owe up to what I did, she will forgive me. I think she did, but now I have to make sure I owe up to my word in the future so she can really forgive me and know they I changed and sincerely want to become good roommates. 

So I guess I don't have to do that whole letter thing and chocolates. I think a sincere apology was the best way to settle things, and we ended up talking for like an hour about life. She seems to love getting into conversations and letting time pass by. Ya, there is alot of BS in a male/female roommate set up, but I think this will help me when I have a serious relationship and possibly marriage.

However, I would still love to write her a letter because I think she enjoys recieving them. Just to say she's a great roommate and give her some confidence back from her stressful life of work.


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## OKCFunCouple (Sep 5, 2011)

Wow not cool at all but what is done is done.

No card, I think that would just remind her that you look at her cards.

I would wait until a time you are both normally home and say something like "can I talk to you for a moment" and ask her to sit down and just flat out tell her that you were an ass for looking at her stuff and you promise it will never happen again. Tell her that you feel bad and know that you violated her personal space and leave it there.

Honestly if she talks to you great if not, she is only a room mate so who cares. 

Never touch other people stuff even if it is your GF or wife, her stuff is her stuff. Looking at text, emails and stuff are off limits IMO. We don't own other people and don't need to know everything other people do. think how it would make you feel, honestly.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she left them sitting out on the table in a non private area. she should have put them in her room.

shes a drama queen. get a different roommate.

part of living with someone requires some flexability.this was a non issue in my mind.

and then she plays I'm not talking to you because your such a jerk game. 



sounds like she likes you but if it were me I look for someone else.


JMO


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

The cards were left in a common area. I.E. You weren't snooping in her panty drawer... I don't see what the big deal is. If she didn't want them noticed she could have left them in her room. I think she is over-reacting big time. The fact that she hasn't gotten over it is HER problem, not yours. You seem sincere and thoughtful enough but I would not let her get under your skin. Try once more to say you are sorry and see if she opens up and tells you how she feels about it. If she explains, listen patiently and do not make excuses. Her reality is real to HER. If she doesn't talk then go about your business. She will be wasting her energy being peeved all the time, but you won't be wasting yours worrying about her. Can you imagine if you were dating this chic? Scary!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yeah maybe you invaded her privacy a little, but it was a very minor infraction and her reaction was way over the top. She is probably realizing her mistake by leaving her private stuff in a common area, and projecting her dissapointment in herself on you.

Or it could just be a crazy girl thing - I used to have a female roommate that would make the most delicious cheesecakes but I was expressly forbidden from touching them, so I didn't but they just sat in the fridge for a week until they got moldy and thrown in the trash. Crazy girl thing.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

JetFalcon said:


> Ya, there is alot of BS in a male/female roommate set up, but I think this will help me when I have a serious relationship and possibly marriage.


:smthumbup:


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