# Living Apart Together



## indy copendendent (Jun 28, 2010)

I still love my husband but I question whether I've lost myself in the relationship. I would prefer to have my own life, but also share it with him. I don't necessarily want to see other men. Instead, I just want to have control over my own money, my own responsibilities, etc. I don't feel my husband contributes to us being a real team, so I don't get why we should have to try to have a conventional marriage. Anyone out there doing the LAT thing? Any advice, tips, or suggestions? How do I broach this with the husband, etc.


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## Love'n'Light (Jul 22, 2010)

Hi, I think this idea has merits. Not as an excuse to see other people and errode what is already on shakey ground, but as a way for people to find thier own strenghts and personalities to bring back into the relationship. I'm sure this could strengthen a shakey relationship and maybe 'reset' some automatice reaction patterns so that healthy change is possible. I think both parties would have to be honest with themselves as to what they wanted from this independence and then be honest about that with each other.

Also I think they would have to be up front and deal with the possibility that it may turn out that they are growing apart and this may be a tranistion to a permenant seperation. It may even lead to a healthy parting of the ways, if respect and honesty is present. I guess most people who's relationship is in trouble have already lost this honest and respect...is it possible to work harder at it so this is a positive experience?

Having said all that, i will share that I tried to ask my ex if i could move out for a while as my health, physically and mentally, was severly compromised and i needed to heal as well as find a new way to be married to him. Obviously as i refer to him as my ex, he didnt go for the idea and 6 mths later I had no option but to leave. This was so sad because i didnt want our marriage to end, but i needed to get well. I think i would have died had i stayed.

If it helps, i am well again, and happy with who i am, and getting on with my life. And I have no regrets about leaving, 2.5 years on. It's been a process, but i think what we gain from experiences is defined by how we approach them. I have always wanted to grow and thrive, and everything i go thru helps this. There are times when i thought i'd never get over any of my problems, but everything that happens improves my life, sometimes it just takes me a while to see how, lol.

Good luck. Honesty and integrity are the road to no regrets, no matter what the outcome.


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## BrooksPublicationCom (Jun 29, 2010)

Hi,

You do not say how long you have been married
and if you and your husband have children.You 
feel that your husband does not contribute to 
the two of you being a real team.

If you had to write down what it means for
the two of you to be a complete team how 
would you describe it? 

You say that you still love your husband.Have
you sat down with him with no distractions and
said to him exactly what you want and asked him 
to state exactly what he wants in the marriage.

Before you make a decision that will have
long term consequences I would suggest that
the two of you talk to each other. 

The Very Best To You,
Brooks


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