# Would you assume he's done talking? Depressed :(



## youngliving (Oct 21, 2016)

I know I ****ed up really badly. I have major trust issues and the last few guys I have seen I have ended up sleeping with and after this happened they stopped talking to me. I guess I would sleep with them pretty quickly into the relationship thinking things were going well, but after this they just stopped seeing me. 

With this new guy I thought I'd wait and if he really wanted me he would wait. So we met up and started hanging out, and we really hit it off and were spending time together, but he only had a job post here for a year, and a few days ago he moved back home to another state. 

He wanted to keep getting to know each other and see how things went, but I had some doubts that I brought up to him and when I did he didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. His ex lives in the city he is moving back to, and I didn't feel like he was over her because he told me he had asked her to meet up before we met. He also cheated on her, so although he was honest about it....distance, cheating, and an ex I wasn't sure he is over made me concerned-but he was just taking it I already didn't trust me and was coming up with excuses for it not to work. 

Then later on at like midnight he said he wasn't ignoring me but he just needed to take everything I had said in. 

So the next day I'm just like I want to know what's going on and talk about this if I'm going to invest in trying to make this work long distance, and he kept reading them but not replying which was really starting to get on my nerves because I just wanted to know where I stood and talk about these concerns etc, and I said the way he was just kinda avoiding what I said made me feel like he really doesn't care, and he just said stop and that I was acting crazy. 

I got so mad because I felt like I was being messed about, and on impulse I removed him as a friend from my snapchat as I just thought what is the point, it's too much hassle because he doesn't want to communicate with me about my concerns, and I noticed a few hours later he too removed me from snap. 

I also noticed that he had reactivated his ******* profile (he disabled it when he moved because he said he wanted to exclusive date me and not others). To be honest I got on to check if he still had his and it had been reactivated after I got rid of him as a friend. After I saw this I got so mad and just text him and was like "wow, you already reactivated it that soon, I obviously don't mean anything to you, and if you cared you wouldn't keep ignoring me," and I said he obviously wants nothing to do with me so I'd leave him alone and wished him well.

I felt really bad acting crazy, and I'm not going to deny I did at all, but I got so frustrated trying to talk about things when someone wouldn't communicate back, especially if I was going to hold off dating other people for someone long distance. I feel like I have some really bad emotional issues that do need to be dealt with, but I just feel so upset I feel like I messed up something with someone who actually wanted to be with me. 

So I guess I just feel bad and ****ty it ended this way. He hasn't replied to my text that was sent at 3:30pm yesterday. I want to be on good terms, but I think at this point I've probably completely ruined it. 

Is it best to say nothing? And how long before you'd assume he is done talking for good? I thought he might just be really mad. He told me before this fight that he was stating to fall for me with the time we spent together, and was willing to do whatever to make this work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'm having a little trouble following the description. What things did you bring up with him that he had to think about?

When you gpt mad and removed him from snapchat, he assumed the relationship was over and went back on *******. That seems OK on his part.


I'm missing what started the problems.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

How old are you?


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## youngliving (Oct 21, 2016)

I'm 25. I've always had trust issues with men due to the fact my dad was a drunk and never spent quality time with me. 

This issue of picking unavailable men seems to have followed me around in most relationships. By unavailable I mean there's always some kind of thing with the men I pick. They have issues, they just want sex, they aren't over an ex, or they live far away. 

Part of me wonders if I pick these types because deep down I want to keep my distance, and I push and push until they eventually bail. It's been a pattern for me.

I feel really bummed about this one though because he actually seemed into me and wanted to make it work. 

The concerns I had were him trying to meet up with his ex. I didn't feel he was over her, and the only reason he wasn't meeting up with her appeared to be because she said she didn't want to. I asked him if he felt he was over her and if he wasn't maybe he needed to move on from that before trying to pursue with us, and the distance and the fact he cheated on her and they too did long distance were all concerns I had.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

This is NOT for your current situation, but rather something to consider for a future relationship.

Unbearable Lessons - The Forgiven Wife


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

youngliving said:


> The concerns I had were him trying to meet up with his ex. I didn't feel he was over her, and the only reason he wasn't meeting up with her appeared to be because she said she didn't want to. I asked him if he felt he was over her and if he wasn't maybe he needed to move on from that before trying to pursue with us, and the distance and the fact he cheated on her and they too did long distance were all concerns I had.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your concerns are founded. He isn't over his ex as he is trying to meet up with her. Move on with your life. This relationship is going nowhere. Next time, make sure that your guy is ready for a serious relationship. You are only 25 years old. You have time to select who is worthy of your love. Don't rush things.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

youngliving said:


> His ex lives in the city he is moving back to, and I didn't feel like he was over her because he told me he had asked her to meet up before we met. He also cheated on her, so although he was honest about it....distance, cheating, and an ex I wasn't sure he is over made me concerned


These things should absolutely give you pause...I wouldn't date a guy under these circumstances...no way hozay.

How exactly did you f up badly? By taking care of yourself?  Expressing genuine, reasonable concerns? How dare you try to protect yourself!

Move on honey, whether or not he's done is irrelevant...YOU should be done because this situation has trainwreck written all over it.

From what I can see your man picker is improving - go you! :smthumbup:


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Sounds like you have a reason to be concerned and not trust him, but it also seems like you let men direct you in the relationship. You wait on them too much. You can have your own opinions, your own desires, and your own boundaries. It sounds like maybe you should take some time off from dating, figure out what you would like in a guy, instead of settling for all the wrong ones.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

youngliving said:


> I'm 25. I've always had trust issues with men due to the fact my dad was a drunk and never spent quality time with me.
> 
> This issue of picking unavailable men seems to have followed me around in most relationships. By unavailable I mean there's always some kind of thing with the men I pick. They have issues, they just want sex, they aren't over an ex, or they live far away.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you are putting your eggs in one basket too quickly too. How long was this relationship?


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

You sound super clingy, OP. Not unusual for people our age that suppose happiness is in relationships. Here's the short answer: MOVE ON. You said you have abandonment issues. Deal with those first instead of looking for a man to make you feel wanted and accepted *sappy voice*.

If you continue after this man I guarantee it will go nuclear. Broken people are attracted to other broken people. It's almost a science. Deal with your dysfunction and you will gravitate towards the right person. Stop trailing this guy like a sorry puppy.

Just by reading your initial post I can already tell you have all the makings of a co-dependent wife. He is ignoring you, not taking your concerns seriously, and you are questioning yourself instead of saying "we don't agree and this is not for me". Screw the Hollywood tagline, "When you feel like you can't live without someone then that's the one for you." Forget that! If you feel like you can't live without them then something is very wrong. Like tics latching on. Parasitic. (not trying to call you a parasite but you understand my meaning)

Gosh, you're 25. You have time and opportunity ahead of you. Don't forget to get that counselling. Maybe go to church. You don't have to convert but some of the principles may help you, the social part to; being connected to a bigger community. It may not help but it is worth a try.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

youngliving said:


> I'm 25. I've always had trust issues with men due to the fact my dad was a drunk and never spent quality time with me.
> 
> This issue of picking unavailable men seems to have followed me around in most relationships. By unavailable I mean there's always some kind of thing with the men I pick. They have issues, they just want sex, they aren't over an ex, or they live far away.
> 
> ...


If you know you pick men who are not going to make you happy then maybe you shouldn't pursue relationship until you learn the art of choosing men. I didn't have a meaningful relationship until I was 35 when I learned not to date pretty little psychos. YOU DO NOT NEED A GUY TO BE HAPPY. If men are making you miserable, you should stay away from them until you are done working on yourself.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

In answer to your thread topic question yes I think he is done and moved on. You do need to get that counseling and find out why you get super clingy so fast . Generally speaking people who act like that aren't happy with themselves and so they push for relationships to have another identity. Problem is this can come across as clingy and needed, your case in point. You have to get your own house in order first before you can be a good partner. Don't worry their will be other guys in time.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@youngliving You want to be on good terms with a cheater?

Oh, I don't think that's a good idea! 

I think you had a lucky escape.


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## youngliving (Oct 21, 2016)

Thank you. I'm trying to tell myself it didn't work out for a reason. Do you guys really think once a cheater always a cheater? I don't think cheating by any means is right, but I guess I thought maybe he just made a mistake he had learnt from.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

youngliving said:


> Do you guys really think once a cheater always a cheater?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is an interesting question, and one that can't be answered with any level of assuredness. Is someone who cheated once more likely to cheat than someone who has never cheated? I think in most observable situations, the answer is yes. Equate it to murder. The first is the hardest, but then once you have already crossed that moral bridge, it's easier to find the path again.

Can you ever know if someone will not cheat again? It's impossible, just like it's impossible to know if someone who has never cheated will cheat again. Cheating isn't about your spouse, or even about your marriage. It's about you. I will never cheat because I don't want to be that type of person. I have had opportunities. Like, really really good ones, and during the time a gf was actually cheating on me and I didn't know. However, there is also a level of maturity involved and people can change. I may never accept someone back who has ever cheated on me, but I may give someone a chance who may have cheated on someone else as long as it was a long time ago and they appear contrite about it.


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## youngliving (Oct 21, 2016)

Yeah. This cheating was maybe a year and a half ago so pretty recent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

youngliving said:


> ```
> I know I ****ed up really badly. I have major trust issues and the last few guys I have seen I have ended up sleeping with and after this happened they stopped talking to me. I guess I would sleep with them pretty quickly into the relationship thinking things were going well, but after this they just stopped seeing me.[/QUOTE]
> 
> Ok, your NEW tactic was to hold off on the sex part. That worked.....so far. I suspect that will change after he sleeps with you. That is what he really wants. IMO
> ...


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