# Where to begin....Advice Needed!



## afm0455

Roughly six month ago (March) , my W of 9 years had an EA....exchange of text/emails and had arranged a meetup at a community park. This all happened between March-late May 2012 that I uncovered all of this. I applied the standard protocol to investigate: reading emails/text messages, installed a keylogger in April, went nuts to find out what I could about OM. 

-Found out a meetup scheduled in April that I confronted her and OM man on. 

During this time, in my haste to also implode the EA I told her parents and did all that I could do to save my marriage and three kids.

I take accountability as to the reasons for why the W had the EA: my emotional unavailability, inability to listen, and quite frankly, we had grown distant and apart through time. Looking back, we never dealt with our issues and communicated what that other was thinking. 

There were several attempts to stop contact with OM that didn't take until June 2012. It was then that we had started to really address our issues and for the last few months until late, things have gone quite well. We were beginning to reconnect, spend time with other couples, date again, and connect in ways that I hadn't thought possible while all of this was going on. 

From March until June, I was at my lowest....I lost about 25 pounds, had chronic anxiety and stress, work has suffered, etc...

It only recently came out that I had also told my parents in June what was going on. At her initial asking of this two weeks ago, I did my own form of trickle truth....told W that I told parents we were seeing a counselor, then finally told W that, yes, I had told my parents all details....exchanged text messages/emails, a meetup at a park, etc....my parents know it all.

Obviously, my W is devastated...devastated that I told my parents about her/OM in June, and moreover, is crushed that I initially lied about it and wasn't truthful. Me, I feel like a complete jack**s because I spent so much time work on the things that needed to improve and she's now questioning the authenticity of my changes.

So, I now feel like things are on shaky ground and wonder (from collective experiences of reconciliation), what else can I do to rebuild what I may have lost? W and I are on really good speaking terms now, and she wants for us to make it work, but doesn't believe (at the moment) that I'm being honest. We've both lied to each other for months now and I believe she is sincere in wanting to work through this. 

Aside from 'hey, dummy, be honest with her,:scratchhead:' does anyone have sage-like wisdom to pass along? 

In hindsight, telling my parents was most certainly a terrible idea...In June, I felt like we were done and I had no one to talk to about it. I felt alone, but do not excuse what I did. 

As an aside, I plan on visiting with a counselor this week to begin talking through issues. 

Thanks for reading and wisdom.


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