# Emotional need: Admiration



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Inspired by a post by SimplyAmorous...

What do you guys think about this particular need? Admiration

Original 10 emotional needs:


> Affection
> Sexual Fulfillment
> Conversation
> Recreational Companionship
> ...


The Most Important Emotional Needs
Admiration in particular: Admiration

The site says it's meant to be easy to meet this need. Well thanks, guess that makes me a freaking idiot then -.-

Anyways I was thinking about this, and then all the "man up" and "woman up" stuff people say here on the forum. Perhaps it's easy to neglect this need as well. A doormat for example would have no respect from his/her wife/husband, so how is one to admire them? Then starts the whole spiral downhill with both parties not having their needs met. What you guys think about this?

Or am I just getting the whole concept wrong? :scratchhead:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Those are from the Book *His Needs/ Her Needs*... I googled that emotional needs list. I never read the book. 

I'd say "Admiration" is important to me...it's validation... it's appreciation...it's uplifting...it's words of life.... my husband's always treated me with the greatest of admiration, even when I might not have deserved it... it was there. 

Always been my #1 fan, always has my back, in my darkest moments, he will bring the light... he is not there to tear me down..... he may gently guide in another direction- if needed... but he encourages... protects my







....and builds me up.

Things like that are worth Gold in a marriage.













> *Admiration*
> 
> 
> If you have the need for admiration, you may have fallen in love with your spouse partly because of his or her compliments to you. Some people just love to be told that they are appreciated. Your spouse may also have been careful not to criticize you because criticism may hurt you deeply if you have this need.
> ...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> my husband's always treated me with the greatest of admiration, *even when I might not have deserved it... it was there. *


I wish I can do that... =/


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## damsel (Aug 29, 2012)

You're the luckiest woman in the world, SimplyAmorous


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Inspired by a post by SimplyAmorous...
> 
> What do you guys think about this particular need? Admiration
> 
> ...


Yep those are from "His Needs, Her Needs". The idea is that each person is supposed to rank them according to their own personal order of importance.

So both spouses come up with their ordered list.. and then they talk about their own lists and the other's list. And they tell their spouse what they need to have these need met.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Everyone can kinda guess my wife's priority needs by now heh

We also did the comparison with love languages, the both of us. Results were standard fare


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

I do believe that knowing the order of importance for your spouse is so very helpful because often we show love in the way we want it shown to us which means that we tend to not "communicate" our love for our SO in the way they feel/ need to receive it effectively....I hope that make sense.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> *Everyone can kinda guess my wife's priority needs by now heh*
> 
> We also did the comparison with love languages, the both of us. Results were standard fare


But you may well find your wife is changed and changing.

And that the mental model you have in your mind of her is out of date in that it belongs in the past, history. There's an old Chinese saying "If you haven't seen your friend for three days take a careful look as they may have changed".


But if next time you see your wife you interact with her using your outdated "mind model" you have of her in your head instead of who she actually is now, who she has become in reality then you will for sure stunt her growth as you "hold her back in time".


Now more than ever you need to read and understand the teachings in Awareness but very much more than that you need to put them into practice.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Those are from the Book *His Needs/ Her Needs*... I googled that emotional needs list. I never read the book.
> 
> I'd say "Admiration" is important to me...it's validation... it's appreciation...it's uplifting...it's words of life.... my husband's always treated me with the greatest of admiration, even when I might not have deserved it... it was there.
> 
> ...


Admiration from DW is one of the most important things to me by far. To me its not so much compliments or things she may say, although that is significant, Its something I can feel emanating from her. I know its there and that she feels that way. IDK why that's so important to me but its huge huge huge!

Somehow I get the feeling that SA is going to tell me why its so important to me..........waiting.........


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

AFEH said:


> But you may well find your wife is changed and changing.
> 
> And that the mental model you have in your mind of her is out of date in that it belongs in the past, history. There's an old Chinese saying "If you haven't seen your friend for three days take a careful look as they may have changed". But if next time you see your wife you interact with her using your outdated "mind model" you have of her in your head instead of who she actually is now, who she has become in reality then you will for sure stunt her growth as you "hold her back in time".


That is a... very good perspective on things. Never thought of it that way but I can see your point. If I keep to the past I will stunt her growth. To be honest, I think I've stunted her growth since 5 years ago. 

Alright, I'll try to accept that she's changing, though I must admit, I can't trust these changes are permanent yet, it's only been one month. However, I will support her through this, and keep my doubts to myself. Do you believe this to be a satisfactory approach?



> Now more than ever you need to read and understand the teachings in Awareness but very much more than that you need to put them into practice.


I have to be honest, I'm hoping someone can just make a website and summarise the key points of this book, the chapters get cryptic at times and I end up putting it down. Some I found interesting, especially the ones on illusions about others, dependence, and in particular -> having awareness without evaluating everything.

The principles brought forward sound great but the application of it I have no idea. For example, observation; how does one exactly sit back when confronted with decisions that not only will be judged whether "right" and "wrong" by other parties but also by how you respond to them especially in periods where the other party can not wait for the decision to be made?

Erm, does that make any sense? I don't know how else to explain it =/


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