# He fell asleep during..



## upset-and-hurt (Dec 5, 2014)

My husband and I haven't been very intimate the last 7 months and I've been trying all sorts of new position's, toys, you name it, I've tried it. I've even walked around my house naked, and he kept doing the dishes. The other night we were getting intimate and he fell asleep mid-sex... He told me the next day it was because he was so tired.... I don't know what it means but it's really killing my self-esteem.
Anyone else have this issue before? How did you fix it? How'd it make you feel?


----------



## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

upset-and-hurt said:


> My husband and I haven't been very intimate the last 7 months and I've been trying all sorts of new position's, toys, you name it, I've tried it. I've even walked around my house naked, and he kept doing the dishes. The other night we were getting intimate and he fell asleep mid-sex... He told me the next day it was because he was so tired.... I don't know what it means but it's really killing my self-esteem.
> Anyone else have this issue before? How did you fix it? How'd it make you feel?


Here are a couple ideas. If they fit, great.

1) does he ever stop breathing at night? does he have sleep apnea?

2) what about having sex in the day instead of night?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

First thing is to look at his health...

does he have insomnia, sleep apnea, doe he snore... all of these can make a person exhausted. 

See if you can get him to have his T levels checked.

Does he seem tired all the time?

How old are the two of you?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

upset-and-hurt said:


> Hi all.
> I've been married almost two years now and been with my husband for 3 and a half. After we got married the fights started badly. He never sticks up for me to his family and lets them disrespect me. Last year, I opened up a business(salon) and my husband agreed to take over the utilities until I got a handle on things and he said he'd help me financially with the business. However, a month into it I had some issues with one of my girls not paying rent. That put me in a pickle for money.. I was struggling terribly and my husband never helped which hurt me. Later on he stopped flirting with me and would tell me I was dumb when I tried to flirt with him or dress sexy for him. The fights got very bad about 5 months ago. To the point he tried to kick me out of "his house" and threatened to take time off to make sure I didn't take his things. I didn't leave because I wasn't going to be bullied out of my own house. He doesn't seem to care and when I asked him if he had any suggestions towards our married he said none.. He doesn't share how he feels so I'm not sure if he's affected or not...
> My question is, do you believe this is worth a divorce?
> I don't want to have a family with him but I do want a family. I feel like we're stuck even when we are okay.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid.../236282-doing-trial-separation-will-help.html


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I just realized that you have two threads going in two different sections of TAM. This is against forum rules. I think you should delete this one and leave the other.

One of the reasons that two threads is a really bad idea is because of what I see on your two thread. Had I not realized that you posted both of them, it sounds like two completely different marriages.

You sort of left out of this thread that your husband is emotionally abusive, that he seems to basically not care for you. So that completely changes the answer.

Here's my new answer based on the knowledge of how your husband treats you.

You husband does no want sex with you. He's resentful and angry with you. He does not really like you. so he's punishing you by withholding sex. 

He's working very hard to make you feel insulted, not sexy, etc. 

Abusers do what they do to gain control and hurt you. Look at how he's controlling you. He mistreats you. He sexually insults you. And what are you doing? Running around in circles on egg shells trying to figure out how to get him to act like a decent, loving husband.

You cannot change him or get him to act any better. All you can do it to set your own boundaries and work on improving yourself.

Your boundary should be that you will not stay in a marriage with a man who mistreats you. And with that go see an attorney and file for divorce. Move on.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I just realized that you have two threads going in two different sections of TAM. This is against forum rules. I think you should delete this one an leave the other thread.

One of the reasons that two threads is a really bad idea is because of what I see on your two thread. Had I not realized that you posted both of them, it sounds like two completely different marriages.

You sort of left out of this thread that your husband is emotionally abusive, that he seems to basically not care for you. So that completely changes the answer.

Here's my new answer based on the knowledge of how your husband treats you.

You husband does no want sex with you. He's resentful and angry with you. He does not really like you. so he's punishing you by withholding sex. 

He's working very hard to make you feel insulted, not sexy, etc. 

Abusers do what they do to gain control and hurt you. Look at how he's controlling you. He mistreats you. He sexually insults you. And what are you doing? Running around in circles on egg shells trying to figure out how to get him to act like a decent, loving husband.

You cannot change him or get him to act any better. All you can do it to set your own boundaries and work on improving yourself.

Your boundary should be that you will not stay in a marriage with a man who mistreats you. And with that go see an attorney and file for divorce. Move on.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Ignoring your other threads, and just answering this one.

Yes. I've been fallen asleep on dozens of times. It is very hurtful. 

Now I try to avoid sex during times when he isn't really into it, or acting bored/tired. If he does fall asleep I will move a little or subtly wake him up. If it happens again I push him off of me and that is the end of sexy time.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

How can anyone fall asleep during sex unless he/she had narcolepsy???


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> How can anyone fall asleep during sex unless he/she had narcolepsy???


Beats me. :scratchhead:

I don't get it either.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> How can anyone fall asleep during sex unless he/she had narcolepsy???


:iagree: :scratchhead::sleeping:


----------



## upset-and-hurt (Dec 5, 2014)

He's not on any meds and doesn't have any conditions. I don't know. Just hurtful.
Thank you for responding.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I didn't realize it was against the rules to have 2 threads running at one time. Oopsies sorry for anyone I may have confused doing thta myself. 

Upset and hurt now you and I both know. Back to your original question. Have I ever had that happen. Yes I have. My H has done that one time and one time only. But I still remember it and it was like 10 years ago,. I remember how useless it made me feel. I was hurt, I felt unattractive, like a loser, it was terrible. I cried though my H didn't know it. He pressured me into having oral sex. I didn't really want to then he claimed it was just taking me to long to"O" that was why he fell asleep. I wonder sometimes if he is going to do that again. Or is this going to hold his attention long enough to get the job done. 

Does he want to have sex and you want to have sex to or is it you kinda have to put out. That can make a difference in his state of arousal. Try not doing it when he is tired. My H can't stay up late in the evenings. He just can't. 

Good luck with this. Keep us informed.


----------



## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

I don't believe it can happen, and I think anyone who says they fall asleep is either ill or lying. Any woman who says her husband falls asleep DURING sex had better be looking for his meds or looking for his mistress. If he's THAT exhausted, he is already spent.


----------



## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

I don't think that falling asleep has anything to do with cheating. At least not in my case. My H works hard, he does manual labor, he commutes about an hour one way and he has to get up early to get to the job on time. After a hard days work his body needs sex, his brain needs sleep. I just wish my H didn't want it when he is exhausted mentally. It means so much more when you both want it and are awake.


----------

