# Making a single appt with MC, Im done with this no sex business.....



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

It actually goes a little deeper than that though. I have been watching a seminar on personal growth and getting in touch with your true self. I relaized during this video, or rather it reminded me of my place, the one Im now stuck in. I had worked really hard to gather strength to leave my first marriage and after 12 yrs with the ED issue and a selfish spouse, coupled with my age ripe for hormonal burst in sex drive... I left the marriage and wanted to make up for lost time, have new experiences etc. Several months into this new experience, I met my husband. He will be the first to tell anyone he was ready for a relationship and that was why he was looking. I, on the other hand, was looking for casual fun bc I did not need to be tied to someone else yet. So, I was not interested in any "talks" or connection and my husband would pull me into them, and I would only say as few words as necessary. In retrospect, I think my husband (thinking I was wanting a relationship and ready somehow) mistook this quiet distant behavior as who I am as a person. In fact, it was who I was as I was maintaining a boundary bc I didnt want to be serious. He saw it as some emotional strength bc he wanted to see that, he had been looking for a non-emotional woman bc his mom is that way and he highly admires that. 

I am hugely attracted physically to my husband, but I hate him bc he lied to me to get me to marry him. He is a sex freak or was, and now he is a prude and proud of it (except when he watches porn and rap music videos at the gym with sexy hoochies... I look at him like really? and you wont let me dance for you? really) Every time we sit watching tv and he stays on his side of the couch the whole time I can feel my body tighten up with more hate. He told me in therapy the whole week before we got marrried he would not do that, he would have sex and lots and he would be affectionate and all the things that are important to me. LIAR.

Why would a man lie and make promises that he knows he cant keep to a woman he knows he isnt enough for? Does anyone have an answer for that question? I know Im very attractive but you cant lie to someone to get them to marry you just bc she is pretty, can you? When you fully know that you arent going to do the things that are important to her? I just dont get it. 

He's "trying" again, sort of, bringing me coffee and the little things which are important to him, but no sex. I dont even like those little things anymore, bc he does them in place of what i really want. I wish I could leave, but I cant.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm sorry you're going through this! I really don't know what to say right now other than, <Hugs> to you!


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You dont write why you cant leave. You also write that you hate him. Dont think he doesnt feel that as well. No wonder he cant do sex with you. You really have to start all over again.


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