# This is going to sting..



## M&Ms (Aug 12, 2012)

Here goes nothing...

I'm going to try to make this short a possible.
My husband of 2 years admitted to cheating almost a year ago with two women. Im still trying to get over it and just let it go. What hurts is he blames being drunk on it. Both time he cheated he was out drinking. He only stated going out when he found out we were expecting, which wasnt planned by the way. Around that time he lost his job so I was the one supporting us. I didnt think to much about him going out I just thought he was upset he lost his job after we found out we were expecting. I guess I let it go a little further then I should have. So after finding messages on social networking sites I confronted him. Once I was done saying what I had found he admitted he cheated with two women (UNPROTECTED SEX with both!) After hearing what he had to say I thought I didnt give myself the chance to process everything that had happened and I jsut wanted to keep my family togeher since we were expecting a child, so I stood. He answered every question I had but with hesatation so it made me think he was lying about answers. 

A year later I still cant get past it and its ruining our relationship now. Were worst now then when I found out. I just want to know if anyone has any tips for me to get past this. Im really not the type of woman to open up about things like this I tend to keep them in and hidden. He knows it kills me to know he did this to me.I think if I just got a few sugestions about what would help. Sometimes I wish I would have just left him when I found out. 

Im an open book if anyone has any questions. I love him so much and I want to make this work but I just cant get past it


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does he have a job now?

Well if he says he only did it because he as drunk then go with that. Tell him that since he has no control over himself he has to live like a person who has no control over himself.

He cannot go anywhere without you or anohter adult that you trust. He's not allowed to drink under any circumstances.

Of course he needs to give you the passwords to his cell and all his online accounts. YOu can put a keylogger on his computer and monitor what he does online.

On the topic of you feeling that he has not told you the entire turth. Tell him that is how you feel. So now you have to believe the worst that your imagination can come up with.

Tell him that since he will not take responsibility for his actions and not be truthful your are now back to square one. You will not need some time to decide if you want to remain married to a man how needs a babysitter because he cannot behave himself and it's out of his contorl. Put it all back on him.


My 2 cents...


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## M&Ms (Aug 12, 2012)

Yes he does have a job now and he is the best father I could ask for our child. I just dont want to have to babysit him, he is a grown man in my thought and will do what he wants. He just makes me feel terrible for feeling like this. This was my last resort to saving our marriage. I dont know where else to turn, he refuses to go to counseling


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You are just married for 2 years and he's already have 2 other partners? That's a major problem, is it not?

And he did it 1 year into the marriage. He should had been deeply into you at the time. But obviously not. Now you know how much he values the marriage.

You should take this as a strong indication he's not into you or the marriage.

It will be hard for him to change. He'll need lots of therapy to figure out why he's untrustworthy or lacks integrity.

It would be difficult to take the ho from the bro.

The simplest answer is to divorce.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

M&Ms said:


> Yes he does have a job now and he is the best father I could ask for our child. I just dont want to have to babysit him, he is a grown man in my thought and will do what he wants. He just makes me feel terrible for feeling like this. This was my last resort to saving our marriage. I dont know where else to turn, he refuses to go to counseling


You missed my point. 

My point was not that you acutally baby sit him. Instead that you have talk with him that puts things in perspective for him..that he's abviously unable to control himself so he needs a babysitter. He's a child because he is not responsible for his actions... shame him.


Then give him an ultimatum... if you love me and want our marriage you will go to MC with me and fix our marriage. Otherwise pack and leave now.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

What has he done to help you?

Has he given you full access to all his accounts and passwords?

Has he stopped drinking and going out?

Did he get STD tested including HIV


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

M&Ms said:


> I dont know where else to turn, he refuses to go to counseling


 Have you voiced to him that his refusal to go to counseling may end your marriage? It should be a dealbreaker for you. He won't go, fine, he can spend that time finding himself an apartment somewhere....


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

M&Ms said:


> Here goes nothing...
> 
> I'm going to try to make this short a possible.
> My husband of 2 years admitted to cheating almost a year ago with two women. Im still trying to get over it and just let it go. What hurts is he blames being drunk on it. Both time he cheated he was out drinking. He only stated going out when he found out we were expecting, which wasnt planned by the way. Around that time he lost his job so I was the one supporting us. I didnt think to much about him going out I just thought he was upset he lost his job after we found out we were expecting. I guess I let it go a little further then I should have. So after finding messages on social networking sites I confronted him. Once I was done saying what I had found he admitted he cheated with two women (UNPROTECTED SEX with both!) After hearing what he had to say I thought I didnt give myself the chance to process everything that had happened and I jsut wanted to keep my family togeher since we were expecting a child, so I stood. He answered every question I had but with hesatation so it made me think he was lying about answers.
> ...



You need to get to counseling and see if there's anything left to salvage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Actually, unprotected sex is what idiotically drunken people do.


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## CyrusMccasl (Aug 13, 2012)

Well if he says he only did it because he as drunk then go with that.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

M&Ms said:


> Yes he does have a job now and he is the best father I could ask for our child. I just dont want to have to babysit him, he is a grown man in my thought and will do what he wants. He just makes me feel terrible for feeling like this. This was my last resort to saving our marriage. I dont know where else to turn, he refuses to go to counseling


 The best father you could ask for your child is a man that cheats on his wife? It seems as though you rugswept this you rushed to trust, you want to trust, a lot of BS do that. It seems you are open to R and if he is too dont be afraid to confront it again. He did wrong and he has the rest of his life to make it up to you because marriage is never the same after infidelity. Transparency, communication. You say youre an open book, but thats if your husband is able to read. You have to tell him, dont expect us men are psychics
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## momma2four (Aug 9, 2012)

It's been 11 months from DDay for me and I'm in the same boat as you. I can't get past it! My H doesn't believe in any sort of counseling (thinks they are just out for $$). I am in IC once a month and I feel like I should be going more. Even after his betrayal, a part of me still loves him. If he was willing to do what ever it takes to put this marriage back together I would try too, but he is not. So now I am planning a separation from him. I asked him to pack his stuff and leave on Wed. (he has relatives in town til Wed.) so me and our 4 children can stay in the house. I am at my parents and will stay here until he is gone. It is so hard. I have read so many stories from ppl on this forum and I just sit here and cry. It is amazing how many ppl have been betrayed. I had no clue that my husband was cheating on me for 4 years, and once I found out my whole world has come crashing down. 

Your H needs to make some major changes for it to work...full transparency. If he is not willing to make those changes, you need to do whats best for you and your child or this roller coaster ride of emotions will never end.


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