# Will be leaving when I can....do I leave the letter I wrote?



## 82hazel (Aug 25, 2013)

Last year I came across evidence that my husband is bi and was e-mailing men off of Craigslist. I stayed. I had no where else to go. 

Now, it has gotten verbally abusive and I am sick of the manipulations. 

So, as soon as I tie some ends up, I am leaving. I have a place to go, and now the support of a support group and family. 

I wrote a note to explain the whys and that I am filing for divorce. I do not want to give any hope of reconciliation, cause there none. I am DONE. 

Do I leave the note? Or do I just go? 

I am NOT telling him that I am leaving.....two reasons:

I am sick of being lied to and manipulations

I do not want to endure any more verbal abuse


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I would leave the note. 

I left an abusive marriage as well. Stay strong.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Personally, having dealt with an EXTREMELY manipulative bf in my past, I suggest you NOT leave the note.

1) You don't OWE him an explanation. 
He's lied to you (he's bi, not straight).
He's cheated on you with other people (trolling Craigslist).
He's verbally abusive to you.

It's not like he can't figure out what a TOOL he is to you. He KNOWS, he just doesn't CARE!

2) If you leave a note, he will just use it to browbeat you more. He will want to argue, nitpick, rage, accuse over anything and everything you put in the note. 'This is inaccurate', 'That is a lie', 'You can't prove that', 'You're making this part up', blah, blah, blah.

3) Dump his sorry azz! He'll get all the news/facts he needs (and more than he wants) when he's served for divorce.

Save yourself the headache of listening to his crap! Even ONE less conversation of him lying/manipulating you is a WIN.

Be sure to CHANGE YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER and your EMAIL address. If you have kids, keep the OLD number & email active and just check them occasionally. If you do NOT have kids, disconnect the old phone and delete the old email address...anything he has to say to you can be said to your attorney!

*hugs* SO GLAD you're getting out!


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## 82hazel (Aug 25, 2013)

No kids. 

I don't owe him....but maybe I owe myself to get it off my chest??

Cell will be changed, trust me, I have this all planned. It's like a house of cards. I just have to finish some small details and then I am done. I have some health issues, so I want to get all those looked at while I still have health insurance. 

I will be leaving the state, so no more insurance  

FB will be blocked, e-mail will be gone....all on my to do list


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I'd suggest you write the letter and say EVERYTHING you want to. But, don't give him the letter, burn it! Where is the upside in giving him the letter? He'll argue, be an azz....won't resolve anything. It's not like he's going to see it from your POV anyway! He's selfish....he's RIGHT, and you're WRONG.

Writing the letter lets you get it off your chest. Burning it means that YOU'RE in control. He doesn't get the last word. He doesn't get to argue. He doesn't get jack! YOU had your say. YOU got it off your chest. YOU burn it up and let it go (just like you're letting your now-dead marriage go). Instead of waiting for a response from him (which you know you would be), you're waiting for NOTHING from him. No answers. No arguments. 

You're in control and you're moving on with no loose ends!


JMO


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

I would leave the note for your own closure. You have stuff you want to say so say it then you can walk. After that just make sure he really is cut off from your life. Sounds like a piece of crap guy so no loss really.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have an attorney? 

Just have him served divorce papers. That's note enough.


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## 82hazel (Aug 25, 2013)

Thanks all. I figured I would leave the note when I leave, and I will not be able to be contacted by him. So, I would have the last word 

And honestly, with this pretty well constructed letter, if I were him I would never want to contact me again anyway. I would be too ashamed. And he always said if I wanted to leave, just go, he wouldn't attempt to stop me. So, he has always been a "if you don't like it just leave" type

I was told that in filing I won't need a lawyer for an uncontested divorce. I already know where to file, how and the cost. So, I am all set. All I have to do is take care of my health issues for my insurance, and selling what I will need to to have money for a while.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

82hazel said:


> I was told that in filing I won't need a lawyer for an uncontested divorce. I already know where to file, how and the cost. So, I am all set. All I have to do is take care of my health issues for my insurance, and selling what I will need to to have money for a while.


Are there no assets to split? 

If so then you are lucky and can just go!!


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## 82hazel (Aug 25, 2013)

Nothing to split. 

I have some livestock of mine that I need to sell before I can leave though. I am hoping that I can get the price I want, so that I can leave with something and be able to unwind and relax a bit before having to run and look for another job


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Just be careful hazel. Sometimes verbally abusive can turn into physical let those you care about know what is going on so they can be there for you.


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## 82hazel (Aug 25, 2013)

Oh...I know. Which is why he does not know I am leaving. I intend to leave one night while he is working, and leave the note. 

He assumes the selling of livestock is due to financial motives: can't afford to fee them anymore. 

My family knows of my plans. Trying to do everything as carefully as possible so that I am spared anymore nonsense. 

Thank you though


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