# So alone



## CompletelyBroken (Oct 1, 2012)

In May of this year, my mom passed away. It was completely unexpected, and I was hit hard... barely functioning. Three weeks after she passed, my husband waiting until I left for work that Friday morning, and then packed his things and walked out on me. Within three days of leaving me, he was living with his mother's best friend. I have found out so many things about him since he left, such as the fact that he had at least two other women that he was seeing behind my back. The day my mom was dying, as I was sitting by her bed watching and waiting for her to die, he was in the hospital parking lot on the phone to these women. Yet, when he left, he told everyone that I was cheating on him, and that's why he left me. I am lost. I spent days on end in bed after he left, ended up losing my job, and I don't know where to go from here. I feel so alone, and for the first time in my life, I really question if life is worth all of the pain we're put through. I'm still trying to deal with the loss of my mom, and with the loss of my husband all at the same time, and sometimes I think it's just too much. I've had enough. How do I find happy again? How do I stop the sleepless nights, the nights spent alone, crying by myself? How long do I have to hide my true feelings from the world and pretend that I'm ok? 

I haven't spoken to my husband since a few days after he left. Basically, once he hooked up with his mom's friend, he pretends that I don't exist. I think that hurts the most. I'm non-existent. I'm garbage... disposable. How can someone do this to someone they say they love? There were no warnings, he portrayed to me as if he was the happiest man in the world. We were only married eight months when he left, but we'd been together for five years. It's not like he didn't know me when he married me... and I didn't change in any great fashion. 

I've also dealt with verbal abuse from his mother since he left. She's also accusing me of cheating on him ( my guess is to hide her guilt about setting him up with her best friend a few days after he walked out on his grieving wife ), and called me some pretty horrible names. I have so much anger, so much sadness, so much... despair. My life has just been turned upside down and I can't find the way to right it. I don't know what to do, where to turn, and I can't seem to find the energy to even try. 

I can't even think about divorce yet. I know that I don't want him back... I could never be with someone who could treat another human being the way he's treated me during all of this. But the thought of losing yet another person completely from my life is so overwhelming. I have so many questions, but he's not answering any. 

I guess I just need to know that I'm going to be ok, because I sure don't feel that way.


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## lukkhi (Sep 11, 2012)

I feel sorry for you,very sorry.Please take care of yourself.You have to stand strong.
We are not defined by just relations in our life like mother,father,husband etc..we are individuals and need to love us foremost;Death,separation and loss is part of our existence;you have to be happy again.
Consider your husband to be rotten,dead **** if he left you.

Please gather yourself.when you miss your mom think of all her good blesings and enact on them,if you miss the good things about this man who left you,just remebr the good times with him and take care of yourself;

The pain will go away gradually.
You shall be in prayers and your are definitely nevr ,never ,never alone.
Think of the millions orphaned children who never have seen the affection of their parents and the other not so priviledged one.You have been gifted with a healthy body and a beaitiful mind thats why you grieve so much.
Please get control of yourself,in time look out for a job you like and make new friends ;
May you find peace and joy in life.
May mother nature mke you feel complete and happy again and soon.You need to act dear woman;the good shall follow;
we shall all die one day, we need to live peacefully till that time and happily.


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## CompletelyBroken (Oct 1, 2012)

Thank you, lukkhi.


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## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

I'm sorry you have to go through this, CB. You seem like a great person that's been dealt a crappy hand. I envy your strength - knowing you wouldn't take him back. You obviously love yourself very much, and that's more than most of us, on TAM, can say. Stay strong. There is a man, out there, just waiting to make you his princess.


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## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

When I got the bombshell that my H wanted a divorce, I gave myself one day to mourn. I stayed home from work (pretty much due to lack of sleep) crying mostly, wondering what was so wrong with me or our life, but the next day, I got up, got daughter off to school and I went to work and pretending like nothing was wrong. I had to keep going, for daughter, for our financial security. And it helps tremendously. I don't think about my home life when I'm at work at all. I do when I get home, the quiet evenings are when it hits me most. But after what I found out, it takes alot of the hurt away and turned to bitterness. I'm angry now, more than sad or hurt. And if he wants a divorce, then damnit he's going to get one. Then we'll see who's sorry. If he ever gets help (drug addiction) and we end up back together I know two things are for certain - 1. we'll never get married again. 2. we'll never have joint finances again. I'm too old to start over again. The dating scene frightens the hell out of me and I don't even want to go there. My daughter has 6 more years at home. I'll continue to throw myself into work and taking care of her. he says he wants to be friends. After what I've been through in the past 2 weeks, friends will be all he will get for a very long time. I do feel that we need to work together to raise our daughter, I would never take her away from him, but I won't subject myself to a repeat.


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## Bitter+Sweet (May 19, 2012)

I am sorry to hear about your mom. I can't imagine what you are going through but I can sympathize. 

There are some people we believe that will be there for us just as our vows say. Some people are not who we think they are and then some people change over time. 

My husband told me he wanted to separate 6 days after I had been in a car accident. You can'y help but wonder over and over again how someone who claims they love you do such damage to you. I have cried, beat myself up, screamed, yelled, thought dying would be better, and so many other things. You have people say so many things...just give it time, leave him, things happen for a reason, etc. but you really don't want to hear all of that. You want the pain to stop and you wish this was all a nightmare and it will be over when you wake up.

Unfortunately it is reality. This is so hard but please believe that you are stronger than this. Believe that for whatever reason this happened you will come out better and wiser. Sometimes we go through storms that shape us and put us in a better position to enjoy the sunny days when they come.


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## CompletelyBroken (Oct 1, 2012)

Heartbroken, I totally understand where you're coming from. I tried to hold it together, and normally I have no problem separating home life from work life... but in this circumstance, I guess I was just so overwhelmed with everything that was happening that I just couldn't turn the home life off. In ways, I think that I transfer the emotions related to my mom dying to my husband... because I can deal with him leaving. I can accept that, I can grieve for that, I can be angry at him... but I'm not to a point where I can even start trying to deal with my mom. It's hard for me to believe that he chose a time when he knew I was so emotionally vulnerable to begin with to leave... basically, he kicked the crap out of me when I was already down. The problem is, when you get knocked down, it's not always so easy to get back up. I've always been a fighter... I've refused to give up in my life. And I've always been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel... until now. I have trouble dragging myself out of bed just to do normal daily things such as brushing my teeth, getting dressed, etc. It's like I'm just living my life in a daze, not fully aware of anything going on around me. I don't know how to fix myself, to make things better, and I'm scared. I'm scared and alone and feel like nobody really understands what I'm feeling and honestly I feel like if I do try to talk to friends ( I really have no family left ), that I'm just burdening them with my problems. So, I keep how I'm really feeling to myself and pretend to everyone else that I'm ok. But I'm not ok. I know that I'm not ok. I just don't quite know what to do about it.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Sorry to hear about your mom. Your 'husband' is totally selfish! He lacks compassion and love, you don't need to be associated with a man of such low morals. Some men can put on a good show when it suits them, he's so shallow!
You probably are very badly depressed by all this, have you spoken to your doctor? You really have to asap. The shock to your system has been severe, enough to push anyone into a full blown depression. You are going to be ok, but talk to your doctor as soon as you can.


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## lukkhi (Sep 11, 2012)

How are you doing today!!!


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

what a piece of you know what he is. I don't know what else to say.


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