# husband inviting men to our house for sex



## firetiger1974

I have been having a nagging feeling for the last few months. He gets on pornography sites almost daily, barely touches me. i find an email that he sent to a man stating that i would be out town and wanted to know if the guy wanted to come over and have sex. then i found 2 sites he was a member of where he states he is a bi male and also a crossdresser. yet he denies he has ever cheated on me, and i have no proof except that he planned to do it. I just dont know if i should stay, or if i can ever trust him again. He has never mentioned being a crossdresser or even being bi to me, and our sexual relationship has always been very open. I feel like i dont even know this person i am married to.


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## Zebraw8

I so wish to console you. Change can be good or bad and this kind of change definitely is threatening to you and the security you seek in your marriage. I still have no proof my H is bi, but as soon as I became suspect, there has been no further intimacy, OF ANY KIND! Long ago, I remember meeting an older woman who had contracted AIDs from her flirty Bi hubby. I was very young then, but I remember thinking upon meeting her, "Do I value my life enough to walk away once trust evaporated?" I told myself, "Yes. I do place a high value on my life."
All I can say is, "Please don't let anyone place you into a corner of confusion. Go to higher ground, and keep your chin up."


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## chefmaster

It happens more than you would think and the wife doesn't have to be out of town, just at work or even at a friends house for it to happen.

Please keep in mind that curiosity is all it is unless something actually happens. Some guys are just curious to see if this kind of stuff really happens, they create the bogus profiles, respond to emails, laugh their asses off and forget about it.

Some actually get off on the fact that it COULD happen but never actually engage in it.

No matter what the case, he will act awkward and feel guilty as hell when it's discovered.

IMHExp engaging in it is usually the short path to divorce, many don't actually engage but every case is it's own.

In cases where there is no actual engaging the problem lies in the betrayal, which almost always occurs, because guys never inform their wives upfront.


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## kclqueens

hiya
what a dilemma! this must ebe all so painful right now. i'm so sorry this is happening to you. tbh, you'e husband sounds like he is 'coming out', and if i were you, dont wait for him to open the closet door and knock your head with the disco lights handle.

i think u should plan a weekend away and set up a camera in your bedroom. thats' right, you heard me! i really think u should. all this crubbish about trusting our spouses must go out the window in a situation like this. and then when and IF u do catch him out, post the thing on youtube and humiliate him as much as he's done to you! ok, im taking the last bit a bit too far, but i would really consider it if i was you.

you have a right to know whether
a) he is cheating on you
b) whether he's been lying to u all this time about his sexual orientation.
c) contracted a sexually transmitted infection - hey it's your life, not mine!

you do have a right to know, and dont let anyone tell you any differently! save yourself. other people just arent worth THAT much, no matter how much you love them. best wishes


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## firetiger1974

Thank you all for the advice. still not sure what i am going to do. he is going to be tested and so am i. God help him if he has given me something. Still confused and hurt.


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## kclqueens

firetiger1974 said:


> Thank you all for the advice. still not sure what i am going to do. I already contemplated the cameras in the house and going away. its my house and i deserve to know. he is going to be tested and so am i. God help him if he has given me something. Still confused and hurt.


im so sorry you are down. i cant imagine how u must be feeling, but remember, we are all tested in our own ways. try to be strong, more importantly for yourself. get yourself tested at the soonest availablity, i'm sure you'll be fine though. i do agree that you deserve to know, not jus coz it's your house, but mostly because this is a man who made a promise to you. whatever happens, know you are strong and be dignified in your manner. be a lady. i always think we should never say bad things to another, not because it;s the wrong thing to do, but because we regret it later, and regret is a powerful thing, it makes us feel responsible for some siuations that are out of our hands. you are not alone on this forum. you have friends on this forum who can help you through the emotional process. do you have a friend/nighbour/sibling you could share this with? it might help.


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## My1Grace

I was married for 27 years to a man on the "down low". Divorce is the best course of action. He is exposing you to HIV, STD's and other diseases. This is unacceptable. Move him out, get a good attorney and get on with your life. You deserve better and you both will be happier in the long haul.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

chefmaster said:


> It happens more than you would think and the wife doesn't have to be out of town, just at work or even at a friends house for it to happen.
> 
> Please keep in mind that curiosity is all it is unless something actually happens. Some guys are just curious to see if this kind of stuff really happens, they create the bogus profiles, respond to emails, laugh their asses off and forget about it.
> 
> Some actually get off on the fact that it COULD happen but never actually engage in it.
> 
> No matter what the case, he will act awkward and feel guilty as hell when it's discovered.
> 
> IMHExp engaging in it is usually the short path to divorce, many don't actually engage but every case is it's own.
> 
> In cases where there is no actual engaging the problem lies in the betrayal, which almost always occurs, because guys never inform their wives upfront.


Boy is chefmaster right. It happens more than you think.

I have experienced this exact same situation (with exception of the crossdressing), down to the sites, etc. I could have written this post.

Please PM me and I'll tell you how I dealt with it and am dealing with it today.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

kclqueens said:


> hiya
> you'e husband sounds like he is 'coming out', and if i were you, dont wait for him to open the closet door and knock your head with the disco lights handle.


Not a funny subject at all, but the disco lights handle was hilarious!


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## firetiger1974

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Boy is chefmaster right. It happens more than you think.
> 
> I have experienced this exact same situation (with exception of the crossdressing), down to the sites, etc. I could have written this post.
> 
> Please PM me and I'll tell you how I dealt with it and am dealing with it today.


not so sure how to do the PM thing but would love to know your story. i just dont want to waste yrs of dealing with this. thanks


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## amigo1

Sorry to hear about what happened to you. It sounds like it has to do with his issues and nothing to do with you. I hope things improve for you.


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## Catherine602

You could pretend to go out of town and watch the house - rent a car with darkened windows. Have a friend with you. when a man goes in go into the house as quietly as possible, give them time to get busy rush the bedroom with a camera or if can see through a window get pictures there. It may be easier to hire a PI and have them set up surveillance and the camera system. At any rate tell him to get out and send him the pics.

Intuition is the best indication, especially if you have trusted him so far and his activities have changed. Now if you want proof those are good alternatives. If you don't get proof do you want to live with that over your head? Bi men are indiscriminate and promiscuous, it is pure male sexuality, pleasure driven, so the likelihood that he will contract a STD is high. There is no work to be done if he is bi and unless you want to take a chance getting an STD and having him cheat on you with men.

He may fall in love with one and leave anyway. There is probably much he did not tell you when you got married so he is deceptive, does not mind exposing you to STDs and humiliating you. You can also print out any evidence that you find out on his commuter. Don't tip your hand until you get proof.


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## firetiger1974

its such a lie. find out that a mutual friend( so i thought) one night hanging out put MH in contact with the person he invited to our house. all without my knowledge. But he still denies it all


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## amanda1959

Enough there for me to put money on him wanting to act out with men. Whether he has... no one knows but him. Isn't this enough to make you highly susupicious. I am in a similiar situation having caught my husband. (Talked to men on his email asking for him to come over for oral sex). I am still legally married but now work abroad most of the year. I am home for xmas now and still having great difficulty with my situation. In my case I know contact happened and still can't leave yet when I hear your story I say RUN! Isn't that ironic. I rationalize it all sometimes saying to myself oh he'll never do it again but how do I know when he is has been such a liar before.
I think it is worth while putting some kind of keylogger on the computer to track him. I would also consider going out of town and have him followed. The camera in the bedroom is also not out of the question...but I am sure the invite was enough to indicate that he has interest in men. Get evidence to make a clearer case.
I feel for you. I am dealing with the same thing. But let me tell you if it ever happened in my bed I think I would have cut it off.


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## firetiger1974

I have done everything, made every offer to help him fulfill his need , or wants. he says he just wants role play, but he has been taking every excuse to leave the house now. and last night he said i am going to the store to get a few beers and some cigars and i will be back home. so........... 3 hrs later i text him and ask when he is coming home? he says really OMG. Then i noticed in the bedside drawer that his **** ring was gone and i had just placed it there that afternoon. so who needs that to buy beer and cigars, but as of tonight he still hasn't come home or got in contact with me, and its Christmas eve. So I am about done with this situation completely.


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## MsLonely

Not that complicated ladies!
He simply wants to experience anal orgasm.
Men has a g-spot in their butthole as well...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely

How about wearing a strap-on dildo and fullfilling his fantasies of anal orgasms?
Maybe he's shy to tell you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely

I believe if you're an open spouse, you're able to fullfill his sexual needs. I guess he's just a more advanced player and would love some DBSM treatments but he's shy to let you know his nasty interests but actually he would love you to get a strap- on and probably also some nipples clamps?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## firetiger1974

Actually i have been using a strap on with him since we met, he has never been shy about that. We have whips cuffs, strap ons nipple clamps a sex swing, He loves anal sex and i don't mind doing it to him, so whats the next thing? a man can do it better than a piece of equipment. I believe he wants to be with a man.


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## MsLonely

firetiger1974 said:


> Actually i have been using a strap on with him since we met, he has never been shy about that. We have whips cuffs, strap ons nipple clamps a sex swing, He loves anal sex and i don't mind doing it to him, so whats the next thing? a man can do it better than a piece of equipment. I believe he wants to be with a man.


Then he's going too far from the limit. You have to communicate with him.


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## amanda1959

If I were you I would be very careful having unprotected sex with this man again. It sounds like he likes anal sex and you have accomodated him as best you could..now he is obviously wanting the real thing and everything that goes with that. Be careful. Don't get sick.


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## EffedUpGuy

I tried posting on a few threads but i haven't had any repsonses.

here it goes again...



Please help me... someone.

I've never talked about this to anyone... and didn't even realize how much of a problem I have till now. 

I don't know what to do, i'm scaring the S*** out of myself! I have a serious serious problem.

I use to be addicted to internet porn. But now i hardly ever look at it. Sounds good right? Well the reason I don't really care for porn anymore is i've been addicted to "casual encounters" and i'm not talking about just CL but everywhere... with men, woman, and transexuals. 

I've been married now for 5 years, and been with her for 14 years! Now I want to say something with the most honest truth... I love her. I love her very very much. We just had a baby together and I love him so much. I love both of them more than anything. I would do anything for them. But for some reason i keep finding myself in these situations. On CL or on some other personals site. It's affected my job, my relationship with my wife and friends (Because i spend all day at work online setting things up with someone) or i tell her i have to work late and go out to meet these people. 

I don't know why i do this. i'm actually shaking while typing this.

After evey "encounter" i feel terrible... like i just killed someone. This happens everytime. Then as i'm going home i'm crying in the car.. saying prayers to god asking for forgiveness.. and promising myself i'll NEVER do something like that again. It takes about 2 days where i find myself in the same situation.... and it's almost like someone is taking over my body and putting thoughts in my mind.... You know what the weird thing is too.... I'm NOT gay. Not at all.... when i see guys out in public kissing or holding hands.... i get kinda grossed out.... then why do I enjoy having casual sex with men? or trans? I don't know. I feel completely discusted Immediately afterwards.... but don't know why... why don't i feel that way before hand. 

To top everything else off... when i'm not hooking up with dudes, i'm hooking up with female pros! WTF is wrong with me?!?!?! I feel absolutely terrible.. on sooo many levels... like for one cheating on my wife.. two... spending our money that we need for the baby and living... and three... breaking the law! what would happen if i got caught?!?!

The bottom line is.. i have a problem, and i don't know how to fix this, because evertime i tell myself i'll never do it again... i do it again and again... I really do hate myself. I have a really good job.. its the career of my dreams. I have a really strong family, i'm very close with my parents and my wives parents. I love my wife so much, she's beautiful and she makes me feel good... he hardly ever fight, she enjoys making love to me so it's not like i can't get it from her... i just can't figure out what is making me do these things. But if don't do something soon... i'm going to really get hurt by getting some kind of F'ed up disease or breaking my wife's heart or worst... getting some F'ed up STD and giving it to her!!! And i don't want either of those to happen. I've thought about telling her all this. and i'm come close a few times. But then I feel like I would be selfish for doing that. She doesn't deserve that type of pain and niether does my baby. They are happy, and I don't want to hurt them... but I'm hurtting them by doing this! ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! I don't know what to do.... Please someone give me some advise... I'm not looking for sypathy... so to all the women reading this who have husbands... You probably want to kill me, and i don't blame you... i deserve that.

please help me.


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## questionmarkwife

I dont have much to say bc ive been cheated on so much but wat i learned is whats best is therapy first. You really need some help, so find a therapist and take it from there. It will only get easier when u get help and stay on the right track
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop

Effed, get help. Get strong and confess. And then leave. Fix yourself. But accept that you destroyed what you love for sex.

I know you have a problem and you hate yourself. In part it is because you know the compulsion also involves choice. 

Seek help. Get tested. Let her know so she can.


Be a man instead of a walking penis. You owe your family that much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## desert-rose

Get tested. Don't have unprotected sex with him. 

This isn't going to change, just become more secretive.

Don't reject him as a person, but be supportive of him and what he's going through. However, please respect yourself, too. You know that this is not what you want in a relationship. Make it clear that this isn't acceptable and that you want a divorce. Try and be his friend anyway, if you can.

Issues of sexual orientation and identity are so hard to go through. Many times, people just hide things so that they can feel safe. When the safety is shattered, risk increases.

I strongly recommend counseling and mediation in helping you extricate yourself from this.


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## marriedinpei

Married bisexual men is becoming a very common thing, as are married bisexual women. Many attempt to justify it to themselves that they are not really cheating - that it is somehow different from cheating with someone of the opposite sex.

Most of the time the home sex life was relatively good, but sex addiction, curiousity or the like took over. In a minority of the cases, a man in a sexless marriage seeks sex with other men as a result of his wife dening sex - and there are women who have sex with women following a similar home situation.

Folks, life is full of rights and responsibilities.

I'd love to see marriage vows not only require fidelity but also require both spouses to fullfill their sexual responsibilities as they are able. The impotent man cannot satisfy his wife with one body part, but by golly, he can still rock her world.

Time and time we hear that the kids should come first - while I agree with that - sexual giving to your spouse should be a very close second.

Happy, satisfy, content, well glued spouses are doing their kids a big favour ... so if you are a 'kids come first person', like so many of us are, use that logic to prioritize making love to that wonderful wife or husband of yours. Give and I do hope you will receive.

Make you intimate life with your spouse one of your priorities in life -


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