# abusive relationship



## womble (Jun 16, 2017)

Hi everyone,

I posted here about my abusive marriage a few months ago. Since then, I left him, returned, tried to patch things up and now it exploded beyond repair. Not physical this time, but his words hurt so much more than any physical pain. 

I am unable to conceive, I have tried for 12 years through IVF and adoption, but both routes failed. Obviously this topic is hugely sensitive to me and I carry a lot of unresolved pain around with me. This morning in a fight he called me a barren ... (swearword) and then said that I couldn't even give him a child and then he said at least he could still have a child with someone else. I find it hard to describe the pain these comments caused. It's like he stabbed me in an open festering wound. 

He then countered my outrage at his comments by claiming that I am a racist because I had said that he was behaving like a child, a boy, not a man. He is always throwing his toys out of the pram and moreover, I think if you use physical violence against a woman you are not a real man. He said white people for centuries have called black men boys and therefore I am a racially abusive person. 

So not only has he derided my infertility he has also accused me of racism and both things hurt real bad. 

For me, this was the drop. So I am going to leave him, but I am terrified. I am turning 44 soon and I do feel like I am a useless barren middle aged woman, who no one would want to be with. My self confidence is so low right now and I am so broken by the reality that I will never have a family of my own, I will never be a mother. It is killing me. 

I'm so scared of what is to come and would appreciate some advice and/or pep talk... thanks

Womble


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## demonrum (Jul 17, 2017)

womble said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I posted here about my abusive marriage a few months ago. Since then, I left him, returned, tried to patch things up and now it exploded beyond repair. Not physical this time, but his words hurt so much more than any physical pain.
> 
> ...


You are none of those terrible things, and you know it in your heart. 44 is young. You may not have children of your own, but there is a world of children and quality men out there who need the kind of qualities you can bring to the table. Get out of there, build your own life, and they will find you.
God bless, and never give up. You are worth it

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

womble said:


> .
> So not only has he derided my infertility he has also accused me of racism and both things hurt real bad.
> 
> For me, this was the drop. So I am going to leave him, but I am terrified. I am turning 44 soon and I do feel like I am a useless barren middle aged woman, who no one would want to be with. My self confidence is so low right now and I am so broken by the reality that I will never have a family of my own, I will never be a mother. It is killing me.
> ...


After the way he's treated you, call him Boy like it's his given name. Seriously, who cares if it hurts his feelies or if he thinks you're racist? 

I'm 42 and most women I know are either past menopause due to hormonal issues or hysterectomies, currently going through menopause, or chose to have tubal ligations years ago. In other words, most women I know in our age group are also infertile. Most men I know in our age group do NOT want a fertile mate, anyway, because they don't want (more) children at this stage of life. Take heart. There are many men out there in our age group looking for a decent woman who will love them.

A lot of those men have children from previous marriages. You may not be able to have a bio kid, but you could be a step-mother, a foster mother, and/or volunteer mentor kids to satisfy that side of you that wants to nurture the young. Life is full of possibility. Go get em, tigress.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

There are so many men who will want you. Good men. I promise. 

I was just in the dating scene. I am a very average woman and there are so so many options of good men looking for good women. 

You will be just fine. Take some time to heal, are there support groups in your area for infertility? Having some support and women who have been in your shoes could really help


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Do I understand correctly that he has physically abused you in the past? If so, then he deserves nothing else from you, and should be spending his time in prison. 

I'm sorry you cannot conceive, but to be honest I don't think you want a child with this horrible man anyway. 

Find someone who loves you and who you can love in return. You can adopt a child if you want. Its also possible to have a happy and fulfilling life without children. It may not be the life you originally wanted, but it can still be a very good life. In fact many people who have children regret it later.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You can also be a foster parent for kids who have no place else to go. They'd love to have someone as caring as you take care of them. 

fwiw, I'm almost 60, and my 40s were THE best years of my life. Too young and poor to know better in my 20s, too focused on being an adult in my 30s, it wasn't until my 40s that I finally just relaxed and enjoyed life. Had a great time. 

Hon, you can't get out of there fast enough. Trust me.


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## Eb2311 (Apr 23, 2020)

So crazy bc I just went through the same..married 7 years and he was physically and mentally abusive almost the whole time..He was black I'm white and it got so bad he would call be blonde haired blue eyed devil and that white people are all going too he'll..I can't make this up..eventually in December 2018 he punched me 3 times in the throat..was swollen huge for 3 months couldn't even move my neck..By the grace of God he gave me a way out..if your relationship starts involving racial issues trust me RUN!!!!! That topic can turn deadly real quick..Good luck☺


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Eb2311 said:


> So crazy bc I just went through the same..married 7 years and he was physically and mentally abusive almost the whole time..He was black I'm white and it got so bad he would call be blonde haired blue eyed devil and that white people are all going too he'll..I can't make this up..eventually in December 2018 he punched me 3 times in the throat..was swollen huge for 3 months couldn't even move my neck..By the grace of God he gave me a way out..if your relationship starts involving racial issues trust me RUN!!!!! That topic can turn deadly real quick..Good luck☺


This is an old thread from 2017. The user who created it has not been around here for a long time. 

Why don't you start a thread about your situation?

I am closing this old zombie thread.


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