# Please help me to understand teenagers today......



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I was just visiting my in laws a few weeks ago.

My MIL is a real trooper and has taken on the full time care of of her step grandson -- her other son had married a single mom the first time around.

He's a pleasant guy and he has been dealt something less than others get. (he's about 19 0r 20. so high scholl graduate.) 

His mom apparently didn't choose her first baby daddy very well. My BIL got with her. They did marry for a while. I don't know the reason why they split up. But it seemed that BIL and in laws had a reasonable relationship with her until she kicked first son out. I think it's due to his marijuana smoking.

So while husband and I were visiting, his girlfriend was there full time. she seemed to be a nice person. I and husband also overheard MIL mentioning to her sister, what's the deal with this girlfriend. 

I guess I think about how in my time (teenager in the 70s), my parents never wanted me to be a nuisance to other people. Even to visit my bf from high school, (he was the exchange student my senior year), his mother had to write my parents to reassure them that I was welcomed to come visit.

Maybe others can contribute their own experiences..... either as a parent or as a child who unofficially took up residence in someone else's home.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Not being a nuisance or a mooch is different than accepting an invitation to go visit somewhere so your own parents sound a bit extreme on that end. 

Is your BIL and his step-son living at home full time with your MIL? 

Your BIL has a new girlfriend who is also living there?

As for my circumstances, my partner still lived at home with his parents when we met. We lived in different cities and new we didn't want to be in long distance relationships. He asked both of his parents if it would be alright for me to move in with them. It was alright with them and it worked out fine. I cooked, cleaned just like any member of the family and paid rent while living there. We lived with them for nine months and then moved into our own place.

I was never made to feel a nuisance. I also know my FIL would love it if we all lived at his house (not going to happen) because he loves the company and having the grandkids around. 

Maybe your MIL doesn't think caring for her step grandson is a burden. Some people don't. My great-Aunt is actually my great Uncle's EX wife. So we have no blood relation. Nonetheless she is like a surrogate mom to me and even put me in her Will and goes back and forth about legally adopting me as she considers me her daughter and treats my sons like they're her grandchildren. Some people are just very caring. Perhaps your MIL thinks of the step-grandson as a grandson.

If on the other hand, your MIL does feel burdened or pestered or being mooched off of, well... people will only do to you what you let them get away with.


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## naminagupta (Jun 20, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I was just visiting my in laws a few weeks ago.
> 
> My MIL is a real trooper and has taken on the full time care of of her step grandson -- her other son had married a single mom the first time around.
> 
> ...


Depends on the parents' views/norms. 

If his parents sanction it, so be it.


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