# How often does your husband try and touch your breasts



## looking for clarity

Following up on men's obsessions on breasts. One thing that always bothered me about my sbtxh is how often he tried to touch my breasts. It seems like he's always trying to touch them. If he passed me in the hallway. If he was on the couch with me. He would do it in public. I used to stop him as it got really annoying and he would pout and say he was lovibg me. But I would point out that love can be shown by a hindered ways than touching my breasts. Is this normal or was this part of his sex addiction?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SunnyT

It's normal. How often???? OFTEN. My H touches them ALL the time: Before I wake up, when I get up on my way to the bathroom, while I'm getting dressed...... and it goes from there. 

The difference is.... I love it. It is never NOT ok to touch! Sexy touches are allowed any time, and that goes for both of us. ALL GOOD!


----------



## looking for clarity

See, he said I thought he wasn't into him because I told him to stop. But I have always hated them. I have huge breasts and have looked into reductions. I hate looking at them or having them touched. I guess it's a body image issue. I just feel like this contributed to his cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear

I realize you're asking this in the ladies forum, so I won't fill the thread with my thoughts. But my SO is the one that will put my hands on her breasts frequently. When we're spooning and watching tv on my bead in particular, but pretty much any time in private that she feels the urge.

C


----------



## SunnyT

We all have body issues. We just have to remember that THEY don't have our body issues!  

No matter what I think about my body.... my H loves it, or says he does.... so I let him do what he wants, it's ALWAYS warm and sexy and loving and hot and and and......


----------



## looking for clarity

So it's normal for guys to touch them all the time? Did I turn him away with my shyness?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## larry.gray

looking for clarity said:


> So it's normal for guys to touch them all the time? Did I turn him away with my shyness?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you want your husband to be afraid to touch you, keep it up.


----------



## Holland

All the time here but I like it. He does control himself in public though. 

If he hasn't had a good feel for too long then I put them in his face


----------



## WorkingOnMe

looking for clarity said:


> So it's normal for guys to touch them all the time? Did I turn him away with my shyness?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes. To both questions. Sorry.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

larry.gray said:


> If you want your husband to be afraid to touch you, keep it up.



Too late. She denied him so much he cheated and now he's the STBX.


----------



## over20

looking for clarity said:


> See, he said I thought he wasn't into him because I told him to stop. But I have always hated them. I have huge breasts and have looked into reductions. I hate looking at them or having them touched. I guess it's a body image issue. I just feel like this contributed to his cheating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have huge breasts as well 38 FF. I on the other hand love to look at them and LOVE that DH can't keep his hands off of them. We will be watching TV, eating dinner, brushing teeth, gardening you name it he loves to feel them.

DH grabs/touches/rubs against them ALL the time....even in church. 

I, myself would worry if he STOPPED touching them. Breasts are fun.....I have even had girlfriends rub them


----------



## darkwing

My wife, well soon to be ex, said I am sick because I touch her breast so much. She recommended me to see a doc. Previously was only at home, right now, it is only in bed at our own room, yet, she still think I am touching her too much, so she just push me away.

I'm so glad that I am the normal one.


----------



## soccermom2three

Pretty much any chance he gets.

The day he stops groping me is the day I have to start worrying.


----------



## looking for clarity

To clarify, I found right years of cheating with swingers, escorts. I hardly think I bear all the blame. That's why I asked if this part of sec addiction. And he could have divorced me, he didn't have to cheat on me if I wasn't meeting his needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TiggyBlue

My husband always jokes my boobs are his stress balls, so yh he touches them a lot (never in public though, also if there's times my boobs are really sensitive he doesn't).


----------



## Caribbean Man

I kiss my wife's breast first thing in the morning before she's out of bed as part of our morning ritual .
I like touching them .
In public I also touch them but not directly with my hands but with my arm. She's always rubbing them on my arms anyway.
I like breasts , can't touch another woman's boobs , but I'm allowed to touch hers!


----------



## I Notice The Details

My wife's breasts are so gorgeous, they need to be touched and caressed by me. She loves it. When in public, I "accidently" slide my arm across them...many times just to tease her. I also secretly love to see her nipples barely showing thru whatever she is wearing. She never seems to mind. 

My favorite time is when she is bending over the bathroom counter in the morning putting on her makeup...topless...the side view of her perfect breasts as she leans forward is PRICELESS!!! :smthumbup:


----------



## LoveBeingFemale

Constantly.


----------



## PBear

LFC, you're absolutely right. He could have ( and should have) brought it to your attention that you were pushing him away. And if that wasn't enough for him, then he should have separated/divorced. What you did was no justification for him cheating on you. And considering he cheated on you with me and couples, it's even more confusing.

I wouldn't spend a lot of time trying to understand his thinking. It's only going to cause you pain. Aside from realizing that guys wanting to play with breasts isn't abnormal, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

C


----------



## northernlights

Never. He'll touch them sometimes when we have sex, but other than that, never. I have small boobs, so it used to make me even more self conscious about them. Then when I was nursing they got huge and he STILL ignored them (or outright told me to cover them up when I flashed him), but at least I didn't feel like it was just because my breasts were inadequate any more.


----------



## MrK

Wow. There are actually women out there who like to be touched by their husbands?

:scratchhead:


----------



## okeydokie

My wife only wanted her breasts touched when she was really hot during sex (which was very rarely) if I tried to touch them even just playing around, she would smack me, no lie. While it's not the only reason by any means, our marriage is now sterile and loveless because she acted disinterested in anything intimate


----------



## 2ntnuf

Big or small, it doesn't matter. They are beautiful. It wasn't you, northernlights. He contributed to your self-esteem by not showing you how wonderful they are. Don't know if it was intentional or if that's just the way he is about boobs.


Edit: I know this is serious for you, but even joking, like in this video, there is some seriousness to this. Don't take this as gospel, but understand that men love them. 

Hopefully it will make you smile, too.

http://youtu.be/RaPTSAfEnBA


----------



## northernlights

Thanks 2ntnuf, that did make me smile. You're very sweet.


----------



## ConanHub

Holland said:


> All the time here but I like it. He does control himself in public though.
> 
> If he hasn't had a good feel for too long then I put them in his face


You rock Holland!!:smthumbup:


----------



## ConanHub

northernlights said:


> Never. He'll touch them sometimes when we have sex, but other than that, never. I have small boobs, so it used to make me even more self conscious about them. Then when I was nursing they got huge and he STILL ignored them (or outright told me to cover them up when I flashed him), but at least I didn't feel like it was just because my breasts were inadequate any more.


You don't have a problem, it is your husband.

Mrs. Conan is a tiny woman everywhere. There has never been one part of "my little unit" that has been safe from my hungry hands.

She recently got a boob job, for her own reasons I was absolutely satisfied with her body, and I actually had to retrain myself to pay attention to them.

A woman's body should be affectionately groped by her husband and vice versa, often!


----------



## samyeagar

Like many of the women on this thread, my STBW loves the consistant attention I give her boobs, and like many of the men, I love giving it. Getting a feel every chance I get. The "accidental" arm brush out in public, though she knows exactly what I'm doing, and always smiles, and often will push her breasts into my back or chest in a hug with that same gorgeous smile. When we are spooning in bed, she will usually put my hand right on her breast for me.

It does seem like breast touching for women is kind of a barometer for the rest of the relationship, much like sex. Body issues aside, if the woman is in a good place in the relationship, she loves it, encourages it, participates in it, but if there are problems, the exact same touches are annoying, bothersome, even creepy.


----------



## northernlights

Thank you ConanHub. I'm built much like Keira Knightley, which I know isn't everybody's style, but this is what I looked like when we got married, so it's not like I pulled a bait-and-switch on him.


----------



## samyeagar

northernlights said:


> Thank you ConanHub. I'm built much like Keira Knightley, which I know isn't everybody's style, but this is what I looked like when we got married, so it's not like I pulled a bait-and-switch on him.


Body image issues are awful. I am a a man and I have them myself. The thing is, so many people are quick to say that they are YOUR issues, and YOU have to fix them, but the fact is, how others perceive us IS important in that How our spouse look at us, touch us, what they say about us, it all matters.

My STBW has small breasts, 36b, and she is very critical of them. One nipple slightly off center, too far apart etc. To me, they are absolutely gorgeous, and I can't get enough of them. She is 38, has had two kids, and they are still firm, perky, not a stretch mark on them.

I know that my words and actions has helped her be more comfortable with them. She has no problems flashing them, rubbing them in my face, actively using them to entertain me if you will. I love every minute of it, and encourage it every chance I get. I know she still has her own self criticism, and I can't fix that for her, but I have made damn sure not to contribute, or validate her insecurities.


----------



## ConanHub

northernlights said:


> Thank you ConanHub. I'm built much like Keira Knightley, which I know isn't everybody's style, but this is what I looked like when we got married, so it's not like I pulled a bait-and-switch on him.


I am built like my avatar, Mrs. Conan is a 5' tall elf.
I can easily pick her up with one arm and run around the house with her and there have been times when I was literally more than 2x her size. 
I was scared of rolling over in my sleep and hurting her!

We have made it work. I think the only really important aspect of compatibility in a relationship is cooperation.

I think all woman body types are beautiful! Thank God for variety!


----------



## ConanHub

I love your attitude samyeagar! 
I couldn't agree more!:smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## always_alone

PBear said:


> LFC, you're absolutely right. He could have ( and should have) brought it to your attention that you were pushing him away. And if that wasn't enough for him, then he should have separated/divorced.


You really want to blame his years of cheating and disrespect on the fact that she's sensitive about her breasts.

That's just mean. Surely the guy bears some responsibility?

Or are we to understand that every a$$hole move by a man is somehow his woman's fault?


----------



## always_alone

northernlights said:


> Never. He'll touch them sometimes when we have sex, but other than that, never. I have small boobs, so it used to make me even more self conscious about them. Then when I was nursing they got huge and he STILL ignored them (or outright told me to cover them up when I flashed him), but at least I didn't feel like it was just because my breasts were inadequate any more.


Eh. My SO doesn't fondle my boobs constantly either, and it's not because there is anything wrong with them or me.

He used to grope me a lot more, and it was when he was feeling like he wasn't getting enough sex. Now that he's getting more than he wants, he rarely grabs at random moments.


----------



## 2ntnuf

> he's getting more than he wants


:scratchhead: And I know it's me, but that just doesn't seem good for a relationship. Seems like it would push him away so that he doesn't get more. So, intimacy(not sexual) suffers, and you two grow apart.


----------



## always_alone

2ntnuf said:


> :scratchhead: And I know it's me, but that just doesn't seem good for a relationship. Seems like it would push him away so that he doesn't get more. So, intimacy(not sexual) suffers, and you two grow apart.


Oh, I know. Us womenz can't do anything right. If we don't want enough sex and touching, we drive him to cheat. If we want it too much, we drive him away. Surely soon he will cheat, and it'll all be my fault ...


----------



## 2ntnuf

Hope you feel better soon. That sarcastic remark, "women's", alluding to some male chauvinist attitude, really wasn't necessary and hurt my feelings. I don't appreciate that at all.


----------



## PBear

always_alone said:


> You really want to blame his years of cheating and disrespect on the fact that she's sensitive about her breasts.
> 
> That's just mean. Surely the guy bears some responsibility?
> 
> Or are we to understand that every a$$hole move by a man is somehow his woman's fault?



No, I'm specifically NOT blaming her for his cheating. I'm saying that if he didn't like how she responded, he should have talked to her about it, and left before cheating if it wasn't acceptable to him. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## meg0980

My hubby touches my breasts a lot, he touches and plays with them when we are in bed having sex and in the morning when he wakes me up, we sleep in the nude so it's easy access for him. He also loves touching them when we shower together. My breasts are his favorite toys to play with.


----------



## always_alone

PBear said:


> No, I'm specifically NOT blaming her for his cheating. I'm saying that if he didn't like how she responded, he should have talked to her about it, and left before cheating if it wasn't acceptable to him.


Okay, fair enough. But what I'm really banging my head against here is the overall implication that his cheating is even remotely related to the grab-ability of her breasts.

If he's cheated multiple times in multiple ways, could it be that he is just an a$$, and her breasts have nothing to do with it at all?
And if so, why the repeated insistence that her shyness or body image is somehow connected to his problem? 

All I'm trying to suggest is that maybe it isn't.


----------



## Faithful Wife

WOM is the one who said straight up that she withheld and that MADE him cheat.

Which is completely wrong and a horrible thing to say.


----------



## always_alone

2ntnuf said:


> Hope you feel better soon. That sarcastic remark, "women's", alluding to some male chauvinist attitude, really wasn't necessary and hurt my feelings. I don't appreciate that at all.


Ah, well. The comment that I'm a big fat turn-off loser because I happen to be HD wasn't exactly the feel-good message of the year for me either.


----------



## 2ntnuf

always_alone said:


> Ah, well. The comment that I'm a big fat turn-off loser because I happen to be HD wasn't exactly the feel-good message of the year for me either.


Direct me to these words please. I don't remember saying that. I think you read into what I was saying. I thought we discussed that in the thread. I guess I wasn't clear enough that the comment wasn't about you. Also, I do not believe I ever said you were a, "big fat turn-off loser". I think you may have been assuming that I knew what you look like or that somehow I knew your question was about you. My impression was that it was a general question relating to what was going on in the thread. I think you project way too much.


----------



## PBear

always_alone said:


> Okay, fair enough. But what I'm really banging my head against here is the overall implication that his cheating is even remotely related to the grab-ability of her breasts.
> 
> If he's cheated multiple times in multiple ways, could it be that he is just an a$$, and her breasts have nothing to do with it at all?
> And if so, why the repeated insistence that her shyness or body image is somehow connected to his problem?
> 
> All I'm trying to suggest is that maybe it isn't.


His cheating isn't related to the "grabability" of her breasts. His cheating is entirely his decision. And considering he was cheating with guys (most of which have limited boobs to play with), as I mentioned in my post, it's even less of a factor. 

However... His dissatisfaction with the level of intimacy in their marriage MAY be related to her not wanting to be touched intimately. But cheating is not justified just because you're not happy with the level of intimacy. There's appropriate ways of dealing with that. That goes for spouses of either gender. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Browneyedgurl020610

All the time..? Well he likes my ass more so he's always smacking it lol. But every chance he gets he'll always want to see me naked and kiss and touch the boobies  I find it flattering that I am still attractive to him after all these years


----------



## I Notice The Details

Our fascination with them is funny....if men had breasts, we would probably play with them all day long...and then we wouldn't get any work done!


----------



## rush

I Notice The Details said:


> Our fascination with them is funny....if men had breasts, we would probably play with them all day long...and then we wouldn't get any work done!


Some men do


----------



## GinnyTonia

LFC, I'm so sorry that your stbx wasn't more thoughtful of your feelings on this matter (and for the rest of his malfeasance!). I hope you can get that surgery if you feel you really need it. I know a couple of women that had it and are very pleased with the results. 

I, however, pray that my next SO is a breast man! My exH hardly ever played with, caressed, or kissed them, even during sex. And it was a damn shame considering that I've since learned from others that they're perfect (if one likes bigger than average and natural) AND they can intensify my O if stimulated appropriately. My youthful-boob years were completely wasted.


----------



## omgitselaine

As long as he doesnt grope or touch me in front if relstives or our little boys umm i usually try to tease him and encourage him to touch or feel me up as iften as possible  

Heck id rather have him touch my breasts than some other girlies wink wink !?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## bfree

I touch my wife all the time. If she's walking away from me I grab her butt. If she's facing me I grab her breasts. She also touches me quite often. Touching releases oxytocin, the hormone responsible for love and attachment. Touching also releases small amounts of dopamine and serotonin and reduces stress hormones.

I found this interesting:

_Researchers have found that the affectional touch climate in the subject's family of origin is the major psychosocial variable related to a person's current sexual attitude and behavior. Subjects who originated from physically affectionate families were more likely to enjoy pleasurable and more frequent experiences in the sexual-affectional aspects of their adult relationships. Adults who experienced rejection and touch deprivation in their childhood tend to treat their adult partners and their offspring in a similar manner._

Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin: ****** Montagu: 9780060960285: Amazon.com: Books


----------



## SaltInWound

He found me repulsive. Did not even want to hold my hand.


----------



## always_alone

2ntnuf said:


> Direct me to these words please. I don't remember saying that. I think you read into what I was saying. I thought we discussed that in the thread. I guess I wasn't clear enough that the comment wasn't about you. Also, I do not believe I ever said you were a, "big fat turn-off loser". I think you may have been assuming that I knew what you look like or that somehow I knew your question was about you. My impression was that it was a general question relating to what was going on in the thread. I think you project way too much.


Well, no you didn't use those words at all. But Iwas just trying to say something nice to a poster, to suggest it may not be so terrible if her husband isn't grabbing her boobs all day, and you start hinting that I'm doing something harmful to my relationship. And that I'm creating some kind of problem if my SO has the opportunity for more sex than what he desires. 

But it turns out that said poster appreciated you comment more than mine, so clearly I wasn't helpful, and maybe it's true that my SO is totally turned off because I'm too easy. So it goes.

Sorry for the tangent OP. One last thought: if it's true that your man lost intimacy with you because you want a breast reduction, seems to me that it's very much his loss.


----------



## FizzBomb

How often? Not enough  I wish it was more :smthumbup:

I am more affectionate and horny on the whole than he is


----------



## 2ntnuf

always_alone said:


> Eh. My SO doesn't fondle my boobs constantly either, and it's not because there is anything wrong with them or me.
> 
> *He used to grope me a lot more, and it was when he was feeling like he wasn't getting enough sex. Now that he's getting more than he wants, he rarely grabs at random moments*.





2ntnuf said:


> :scratchhead: And I know it's me, but that just doesn't seem good for a relationship. Seems like it would push him away so that he doesn't get more. So, intimacy(not sexual) suffers, and you two grow apart.





always_alone said:


> Well, no you didn't use those words at all. *But Iwas just trying to say something nice to a poster,* to suggest it may not be so terrible if her husband isn't grabbing her boobs all day, *and you start hinting that I'm doing something harmful to my relationship*. And that I'm creating some kind of problem if my SO has the opportunity for more sex than what he desires.
> 
> But it turns out that said poster appreciated you comment more than mine, so clearly I wasn't helpful, and maybe it's true that my SO is totally turned off because I'm too easy. So it goes.
> 
> Sorry for the tangent OP. One last thought: if it's true that your man lost intimacy with you because you want a breast reduction, seems to me that it's very much his loss.




Sorry, always_alone. You are correct, in that, I did say that it seemed to me you'd be pushing him away. No hinting. Right there is my post. 

There was no reference to HD or, "easy".


----------



## ConanHub

SaltInWound said:


> He found me repulsive. Did not even want to hold my hand.


Boo! He sounds like a real waste of time.
So sorry to hear.
I do not get men who don't physically adore their wives.


----------



## ConanHub

I Notice The Details said:


> Our fascination with them is funny....if men had breasts, we would probably play with them all day long...and then we wouldn't get any work done!


:rofl:
You happen to be my favorite pervert!

Keep up the good work, you almost always get me laughing.:smthumbup:


----------



## Anon Pink

always_alone said:


> Okay, fair enough. But what I'm really banging my head against here is the overall implication that his cheating is even remotely related to the grab-ability of her breasts.
> 
> If he's cheated multiple times in multiple ways, could it be that he is just an a$$, and her breasts have nothing to do with it at all?
> And if so, why the repeated insistence that her shyness or body image is somehow connected to his problem?
> 
> All I'm trying to suggest is that maybe it isn't.


The implication had nothing to do with her boobs and their relative grabability, but everything to do with a state of constant rejection. Haven't we all heard from enough members here about their pain when they feel rejected? Body image issues must be fought, hopefully with the good help of an excellent lover; but the person, man or woman, must open themselves to being loving and accepting toward their own bodies.



I Notice The Details said:


> Our fascination with them is funny....if men had breasts, we would probably play with them all day long...and then we wouldn't get any work done!


It's not just men...
I might have mentioned my awesome rack a time or two...so let me just say that I am typing one handed....


----------



## somethingelse

My husband gropes mine all the time. I'm pretty sure people have caught a peek at times *embarrassed* Not that I have much to show, but still.


----------



## Faithful Wife

bfree said:


> I found this interesting:
> 
> _Researchers have found that the affectional touch climate in the subject's family of origin is the major psychosocial variable related to a person's current sexual attitude and behavior. Subjects who originated from physically affectionate families were more likely to enjoy pleasurable and more frequent experiences in the sexual-affectional aspects of their adult relationships. Adults who experienced rejection and touch deprivation in their childhood tend to treat their adult partners and their offspring in a similar manner._
> 
> Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin: ****** Montagu: 9780060960285: Amazon.com: Books


That is interesting. It doesn't describe my H and I at all, although we are both very affectionate.

His family never touched each other and essentially they all rejected each other. Yet he is very loving, touchy, affectionate and sexual with me.

And my family, well they tolerated me...I was always affectionate, always wanted a hug, to jump on someone or sit on their lap...I would just throw my arms around people's neck and hug them anyway, even if they didn't want it. The people in my family accepted this and did love me, but they were not this way themselves. I was an enigma to them in this way.


----------



## WyshIknew

I love touching my wife's breasts. And nearly always when we are spooning in bed together at bedtime.

I don't do it in public, however she has been known to make a grab at me in public if she thinks no one is looking.


----------



## somethingelse

WyshIknew said:


> I love touching my wife's breasts. And nearly always when we are spooning in bed together at bedtime.
> 
> I don't do it in public, *however she has been known to make a grab at me in public if she thinks no one is looking*.



This has happened.... except I got caught


----------



## WyshIknew

somethingelse said:


> This has happened.... except I got caught


Serves you right.

I hope you were embarrassed!


----------



## somethingelse

WyshIknew said:


> Serves you right.
> 
> I hope you were embarrassed!


OH...I was...don't worry :lol:

The lady that caught me smiled and couldn't bare to look at us


----------



## In Absentia

I used to love touching them (in private)... she has my ideal breasts...  but my wife is a rather private person and I felt I was invading her privacy. In fact, sometimes she would just remove my hands and move away from me. I can seriously say that this was one of the factors why our marriage is not how it used to be. The physical contact and intimacy go. I'm a very touchy-feely person and my wife isn't. Or she is not anymore. Rather disappointing, to say the least. We are married, I love her body and I'm only allowed to see it/touch it once a month, if I'm lucky...


----------



## endlessdrought

In Absentia said:


> I used to love touching them (in private)... she has my ideal breasts...  but my wife is a rather private person and I felt I was invading her privacy. In fact, sometimes she would just remove my hands and move away from me. I can seriously say that this was one of the factors why our marriage is not how it used to be. The physical contact and intimacy go. I'm a very touchy-feely person and my wife isn't. Or she is not anymore. Rather disappointing, to say the least. We are married, I love her body and I'm only allowed to see it/touch it once a month, if I'm lucky...


Same here. Pretty much the only times she will move my hand away is in bed, sleeping, not sex. But when I come up behind her (around the house and just the two of us) and give her a hug and a little feel....well, body language speaks loudly. I rarely bother anymore.

The only times she will ever place my hand on her boobs is when she is initiating sex. That's just how subtle she initiates. Of course, I never attempt initiating anymore, have not in a few years.


----------



## In Absentia

endlessdrought said:


> The only times she will ever place my hand on her boobs is when she is initiating sex. That's just how subtle she initiates. Of course, I never attempt initiating anymore, have not in a few years.


My wife has initiated sex twice in all our married life and before (28 years)... I'd love her to place my hand on her boobs occasionally... :smthumbup:


----------



## endlessdrought

In Absentia said:


> My wife has initiated sex twice in all our married life and before (28 years)... I'd love her to place my hand on her boobs occasionally... :smthumbup:


Only she initiates and at best that is every 6-8 weeks. So I wait patiently, no rejection to deal with this way.


----------



## In Absentia

endlessdrought said:


> Only she initiates and at best that is every 6-8 weeks. So I wait patiently, no rejection to deal with this way.


If I don't initiate - actually, if she doesn't say "we can have sex next Tuesday", because she knows that I'm waiting for it - I would never get sex. Or maybe once every 6 months. I stopped pushing for sex a few years ago, because we always argued about it and brought us to the brink of divorce. I've accepted it. Like you, I don't get rejected all the time. It's rather depressing at times, and the marriage has lost intimacy, but I'm not leaving my kids for sex!


----------



## samyeagar

In Absentia said:


> If I don't initiate - actually, if she doesn't say "we can have sex next Tuesday", because she knows that I'm waiting for it - I would never get sex. Or maybe once every 6 months. I stopped pushing for sex a few years ago, because we always argued about it and brought us to the brink of divorce. I've accepted it. Like you, I don't get rejected all the time. It's rather depressing at times, and *the marriage has lost intimacy, but I'm not leaving my kids for sex*!


In your own words here, it's not just sex. I would imagine there are other issues in your marriage as it is very rare that everything else is healthy and good while one partner describes things the way you just have. What you are teaching your children is that a dysfunctional marriage is how a marriage should be.

I stayed in my dysfunctional marriage for the sake of the kids. It was a sexless, affectionless, filled with resentment marriage. Now that we are divorced, I am seeing the damage that their mother and I did to their perception of relationships, and life in general all because we bought into the whole stay together for the kids thing. If I had it to do all over again, we would have divorced years before we did.


----------



## In Absentia

samyeagar said:


> In your own words here, it's not just sex. I would imagine there are other issues in your marriage as it is very rare that everything else is healthy and good while one partner describes things the way you just have. What you are teaching your children is that a dysfunctional marriage is how a marriage should be.
> 
> I stayed in my dysfunctional marriage for the sake of the kids. It was a sexless, affectionless, filled with resentment marriage. Now that we are divorced, I am seeing the damage that their mother and I did to their perception of relationships, and life in general all because we bought into the whole stay together for the kids thing. If I had it to do all over again, we would have divorced years before we did.


she has psychological issues which she is not prepared to resolve (i.e. going to therapy). She is also on ADs for it and her libido is zero. She has to schedule sex in order to "get ready" for it mentally. She enjoys when we have it...  

I've accepted she has a problem. Of course, I'm not happy that she doesn't want to solve her issues to make our marriage work again. But she is the one with the problem and, if she is not comfortable with the treatment, then she is free to deal with it the way she deems more appropriate. She didn't have issues when we met... only in the last 10 years. 

I care very much for her. We get on fine, there are no arguments and the arguments we ever had were always "behind closed doors", never in front of the children. We don't argue anymore. I've accepted it. I could leave, but I want to be here for the children. Also, if I left, I don't know how she would cope without me. I'm not risking it.

Nothing is black and white and, although I'm very sad about our intimacy and sex life, her happiness is more important to me than mine. So, I can whinge occasionally, but I'm a grown up and I've learnt how to deal with it. When the last one will fly the nest, we'll see...


----------



## MrK

endlessdrought said:


> Only she initiates and at best that is every 6-8 weeks. So I wait patiently, no rejection to deal with this way.


My wife never initiates. Maybe I should change my attitude. Because I feel I get rejected EVERY NIGHT when she comes to bed and turns her back to me. Make that twice a day. She knows I'm more of a morning man so she jumps up out of bed before I get any ideas in the morning as well.

Rejected twice a day vs. not at all. And all as a matter of perception. I need to work on that.


----------



## samyeagar

In Absentia said:


> she has psychological issues which she is not prepared to resolve (i.e. going to therapy). She is also on ADs for it and her libido is zero. She has to schedule sex in order to "get ready" for it mentally. She enjoys when we have it...
> 
> I've accepted she has a problem. Of course, I'm not happy that she doesn't want to solve her issues to make our marriage work again. But she is the one with the problem and, if she is not comfortable with the treatment, then she is free to deal with it the way she deems more appropriate. She didn't have issues when we met... only in the last 10 years.
> 
> I care very much for her. We get on fine, there are no arguments and the arguments we ever had were always "behind closed doors", never in front of the children. We don't argue anymore. I've accepted it. I could leave, but I want to be here for the children. Also, if I left, I don't know how she would cope without me. I'm not risking it.
> 
> Nothing is black and white and, although I'm very sad about our intimacy and sex life, her happiness is more important to me than mine. So, I can winge occasionally, but I'm a grown up and I've learnt how to deal with it. When the last one will fly the nest, we'll see...


My ex wife and I never agrued in front of the kids. I never raised my voice or a hand to her, never called her any names. I thought we were putting on a good show. We fooled everyone else around us, and it was quite the shock to our friends when we seperated. They all thought we had the perfect happily ever after marriage.

Talking with my oldest son who is almost 18 now, he knew. He picked up on all the subtleties. Not holding hands, no kissing, no playful hugs, never talking about things that were any deeper than the days news headlines, no I love you's. He picked up on it all, and he could feel the tension. He knew that not only weren't we in love, that we actually loathed each other. He saw me as a complete doormat, not capable of standig up for myself. I was a doormat, and rationalized it as keeping the peace for the kids. He lost a lot of respect for me because of that, and to make it worse, I can see in him a disrespect for women in general because he says he will never let himself be treated that way.

To make it even worse, my ex wife also has mental issues. She is NPD.


----------



## endlessdrought

MrK said:


> My wife never initiates. Maybe I should change my attitude. Because I feel I get rejected EVERY NIGHT when she comes to bed and turns her back to me. Make that twice a day. She knows I'm more of a morning man so she jumps up out of bed before I get any ideas in the morning as well.
> 
> Rejected twice a day vs. not at all. And all as a matter of perception. I need to work on that.


If I do not initiate I do not get rejected. She will want sex eventually and she will subtly initiate. I just try to deal with the lack of intimacy and affection in the in between times. And it's not always easy dealing.


----------



## In Absentia

samyeagar said:


> My ex wife and I never agrued in front of the kids. I never raised my voice or a hand to her, never called her any names. I thought we were putting on a good show. We fooled everyone else around us, and it was quite the shock to our friends when we seperated. They all thought we had the perfect happily ever after marriage.
> 
> Talking with my oldest son who is almost 18 now, he knew. He picked up on all the subtleties. Not holding hands, no kissing, no playful hugs, never talking about things that were any deeper than the days news headlines, no I love you's. He picked up on it all, and he could feel the tension. He knew that not only weren't we in love, that we actually loathed each other. He saw me as a complete doormat, not capable of standig up for myself. I was a doormat, and rationalized it as keeping the peace for the kids. He lost a lot of respect for me because of that, and to make it worse, I can see in him a disrespect for women in general because he says he will never let himself be treated that way.
> 
> To make it even worse, my ex wife also has mental issues. She is NPD.


well, we don't hate each other and cuddle/kiss occasionally in front of the children. The two older ones might have picked up that we've had problems, but no marriage is perfect. Their life would be much harder without me there. My wife works shifts, I work from home and I'm always there for them...


----------



## samyeagar

In Absentia said:


> well, we don't hate each other and cuddle/kiss occasionally in front of the children. The two older ones might have picked up that we've had problems, but no marriage is perfect. Their life would be much harder without me there. My wife works shifts, I work from home and I'm always there for them...


Just be careful, and remember, kids are far more perceptive than we think, the problem is, they don't have the tools and life experience to process what they see as an adult would, and so by trying to bury and hide the problems, we are reinforcing their interpretation of what they see. They are learing behavior as children, and often times, they carry the childlike lessons into their own adult relationships.

Anyway...back to the boobies  The other day, my STBW and I were waiting in the parking lot in her car for my car's oil to get done, and we started kissing, and my hand went down her shirt. She got a really big grin on her face because I guess it really surprised her how forward I was with other people around. I guess she has a bit of an exhibitionist in her


----------



## In Absentia

samyeagar said:


> Just be careful, and remember, kids are far more perceptive than we think, the problem is, they don't have the tools and life experience to process what they see as an adult would, and so by trying to bury and hide the problems, we are reinforcing their interpretation of what they see. They are learing behavior as children, and often times, they carry the childlike lessons into their own adult relationships.


I'm very very aware of it...


----------



## soulpotato

I don't feel there's anything wrong with having boundaries on groping frequency and circumstance. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting love to be shown in more ways than groping, or for there to be less emphasis on the groping. For what it's worth, LFC, I would find what you describe from your STBX to be excessive and unpleasant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous

soulpotato said:


> *I don't feel there's anything wrong with having boundaries on groping frequency and circumstance. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting love to be shown in more ways than groping, or for there to be less emphasis on the groping.* For what it's worth, LFC, I would find what you describe from your STBX to be excessive and unpleasant.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with what you say..I'd even go as far as to say this in itself can be a *compatibility issue* depending... Being HIGH on *physical touch *(I feel greatly loved by this)....and am geared to want to reach for him as well... I am being dead honest here.... I would likely grow some resentment if my husband didn't like it, It would KILL my JOY...

I could just see my thoughts turning to this... >>> "what the hell is wrong with him...most men would LOVE this"...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my husband touching me all over, nothing thrills me more than some overt grabbing on his part, rubbing himself up against me.. I light up like the morning sun coming through the clouds.. anytime.. If I am  about something and he does this.. it tempers me down...

When my drive was higher over his.... I was like a moth to a flame in touching ....it almost felt painful to restrain myself.. after this experience..I tend to sympathize with those who Feel this way.. I GET IT!!

I was even worse than my husband... I remember telling him one day.. Joking, but really not... as his wife, it is *his duty*, when I walk past to grab my a$$, my boobs...this makes for a sexually thriving wife ! 

I really don't think I could be with a man who wasn't geared like this, it would annoy me and I would greatly annoy him wanting to have my hands all over him, down his pants, teasing him, reaching for him in bed.. I need a guy like that.. Mine loves it, says it's never too much.. his limit would only be if we were in public....this builds my love for him.


----------



## NewHubs

Sometimes I'll sneak up on my wife from behind and wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her neck. Then I'll slowly move my hands up and cup her boobs and press her against me. 

Wife loves it when I do that.


----------



## looking for clarity

Thank you everyone for answering

I think I agree with the posters who said that it depends on how he touches me and makes me feel. If he touched me in a loving way and to sobs love, I would be happy. I think I could sense something was off as it I felt very objectified. I'm not kidding when I say he could teach them up to twenty times a day and it wasn't in a caressing way. We would be watching tv and he would comment on an actresses breasts and then grab mine.

I do think he was abnormal and not me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cosmos

Whenever he can, which could never be too often for me. IMO, it's part of male/female bonding and I love it.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

looking for clarity said:


> Thank you everyone for answering
> 
> *I think I agree with the posters who said that it depends on how he touches me and makes me feel. If he touched me in a loving way and to sobs love, I would be happy. I think I could sense something was off as it I felt very objectified. I'm not kidding when I say he could teach them up to twenty times a day and it wasn't in a caressing way. * *We would be watching tv and he would comment on an actresses breasts and then grab mine*.
> 
> I do think he was abnormal and not me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And this makes *a whole lot of sense*....it surely DOES make a huge difference to how his actions make you feel inside....what his motivations are... if his aim is intimacy with You, because he craves YOU & cares how you feel in that too (in a caressing arousing way - to bring you there)....or it's just that he wants SEX SEX SEX....any women turns him on (like his comments about the actresses on Tv).... then goes after yours....

I've read plenty of stories here with women feeling as YOU... I have never experienced it personally...never felt objectified - my husband is a pure Romantic...he is all caressing....

I am going to say his abnormality is being excessively high drive/ LUST driven with too much "rough"... can't get his brain off sex...and sexual parts...Is he always trying to get you in the sack when the grabbing starts also ? ....(I haven't read all these pages, maybe you already shared that).... 

Have you tried to explain to him...if he could tone it down to where you'd feel it was more about "you & him" ...intimacy driven, emotional connection driven....over his just getting a Piece ...it could make a big difference in how you *react *with him...


----------



## Cosmos

> I think I agree with the posters who said that it depends on how he touches me and makes me feel. If he touched me in a loving way and to sobs love, I would be happy. I think I could sense something was off as it I felt very objectified. I'm not kidding when I say he could teach them up to twenty times a day and it wasn't in a caressing way. We would be watching tv and he would comment on an actresses breasts and then grab mine.[


This isn't establishing intimacy between you, and I would find it off putting and disrespectful.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

My husband touches them all the time and I enjoy it. My ex husband was constantly groping and pawing at me and I despised it.

When DH does it I feel loved,sexy,desired.
When ExH did it I felt used,dirty,cheap.

It was all about the differences in the relationship.If the only way he's showing love and desire is by touching your breasts then you likely won't feel loved and desired when he does it.There has to be more.


----------



## okeydokie

NewHubs said:


> Sometimes I'll sneak up on my wife from behind and wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her neck. Then I'll slowly move my hands up and cup her boobs and press her against me.
> 
> Wife loves it when I do that.


I would be fine until I got about an inch away from her breasts, then I get an elbow in the ribs. So I don't even try it anymore


----------



## samyeagar

ScarletBegonias said:


> My husband touches them all the time and I enjoy it. My ex husband was constantly groping and pawing at me and I despised it.
> 
> When DH does it I feel loved,sexy,desired.
> When ExH did it I felt used,dirty,cheap.
> 
> It was all about the differences in the relationship.If the only way he's showing love and desire is by touching your breasts then you likely won't feel loved and desired when he does it.There has to be more.


This gets back to the heart of what I said earlier. I think that if the woman feels loved, cherished, respected in the other areas of the relationship, this kind of touching will be not only welcomed, but desired and encouraged.


----------



## endlessdrought

samyeagar said:


> This gets back to the heart of what I said earlier. I think that if the woman feels loved, cherished, respected in the other areas of the relationship, this kind of touching will be not only welcomed, but desired and encouraged.


I won't generalize by saying this is wrong, but in my situation this is dead wrong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Married but Happy

NewHubs said:


> Sometimes I'll sneak up on my wife from behind and wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her neck. Then I'll slowly move my hands up and cup her boobs and press her against me.
> 
> Wife loves it when I do that.


I love doing that, except I can't sneak up on her. She has to know I'm there first. If it's a surprise, I'd risk being severely injured because her martial arts training would automatically respond to an "attack" from behind. Before I learned that, I got some very sore ribs and a sprained wrist! Fortunately, she was able to pull her response.


----------



## samyeagar

endlessdrought said:


> I won't generalize by saying this is wrong, but in my situation this is dead wrong!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


From your other posts, it seems like there may be some other issues. Yes, your wife had a hysterectomy, but it sounds like there is a general intimacy problem.

Of course there are exceptions, and your situation may be one of them, but generally, when the intimacy dries up, that is not the problem, but the symptom.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

samyeagar said:


> My ex wife and I never agrued in front of the kids. I never raised my voice or a hand to her, never called her any names. I thought we were putting on a good show. We fooled everyone else around us, and it was quite the shock to our friends when we seperated. They all thought we had the perfect happily ever after marriage.
> 
> Talking with my oldest son who is almost 18 now, he knew. He picked up on all the subtleties. Not holding hands, no kissing, no playful hugs, never talking about things that were any deeper than the days news headlines, no I love you's. He picked up on it all, and he could feel the tension. He knew that not only weren't we in love, that we actually loathed each other. He saw me as a complete doormat, not capable of standig up for myself. I was a doormat, and rationalized it as keeping the peace for the kids. He lost a lot of respect for me because of that, and to make it worse, I can see in him a disrespect for women in general because he says he will never let himself be treated that way.
> 
> To make it even worse, my ex wife also has mental issues. She is NPD.


Your story about your marriage to your ex sounds almost exactly like my marriage. To the outside world, we're a happy couple with two adorable little kids. Inside, however, there are times when I absolutely despise her. She can be very bossy, and a lot of the time I much prefer it when she's not around, which I know isn't healthy (on the flip side, she says she likes it better when I'm around). I also tended to be a doormat until recently, as I didn't want a big blowup in front of the kids, plus I wanted to show her that I don't get worked up over little things and am more mature, but this didn't work, as she would just berate me over little stuff. I've made a habit of pushing back recently, and it has seemed to work. However, like you, we rarely show affection, and when we talk, if it's not about the kids, it's nothing more than superficial stuff. 

EDIT: Also wanted to say that the comment about how your 18 year old son saw the marriage between his parents hit me like a brick. This is what I want to avoid. Ours are still little, but they grow up fast (wish their mother would grow up). Also, as stated in numerous other threads, our sex life is nil.


----------



## endlessdrought

samyeagar said:


> From your other posts, it seems like there may be some other issues. Yes, your wife had a hysterectomy, but it sounds like there is a general intimacy problem.
> 
> Of course there are exceptions, and your situation may be one of them, but generally, when the intimacy dries up, that is not the problem, but the symptom.


She has told me in the past that she "is not a touchy feely person." Which, I guess is why she doesn't hand out much affection. We have discussed this in the past and resulted in no resolution. When ask why she was not like this before we married and for a while after, she could not answer. When I try to show her affection, she seems to be able take it or leave it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## melw74

Everyday. My husband is a boob man..


----------



## samyeagar

endlessdrought said:


> She has told me in the past that she "is not a touchy feely person." Which, I guess is why she doesn't hand out much affection. We have discussed this in the past and resulted in no resolution. When ask why she was not like this before we married and for a while after, she could not answer. When I try to show her affection, she seems to be able take it or leave it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would be interested to see if the women who have posted on this thread who enjoy the attention feel the rest of their relationship is in a decent place, and those who don't like it are having other issues as well.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

Regarding the original thread, my ex-GF was a D cup, and she loved having me touch hers through her shirt. Drove her wild, and always led to great sex. Her nipples would get aroused, and she would tell me that they were pushing me away, and then I would fight back with my mouth. Great times.


----------



## DesertRat1978

When we are out in public, I keep my hands off them. When we are at home, I touch them when we are sexual or flirty. Otherwise, I try to let it be known that I like all of her not just them. Prior to being pregnant, she was a very nice 44DDD. Obviously being 6 months along, they have grown. Either way, I am quite fond of them.


----------



## soccermom2three

samyeagar said:


> I would be interested to see if the women who have posted on this thread who enjoy the attention feel the rest of their relationship is in a decent place, and those who don't like it are having other issues as well.


Back in the early part of our marriage (first 5 years), when my husband was spending all his time at the gym or in his office on the computer, I would get annoyed at the groping. Like, "Really? Is that all I'm good for? To get your jollys then go back in your man cave?" Even though we still have a problem with the computer time, (I had a meltdown about it two days before Christmas), things are a lot better, I can tell he's trying and I don't mind it so much.


----------



## keeper63

My wife generally does not like her breasts to be touched unless she is already aroused, and breast play unto itself does not get her aroused, either.

Once she is "hot and bothered", she enjoys the attention I give her "lady lumps" (they are a rather nice 34D).


----------



## soulpotato

samyeagar said:


> I would be interested to see if the women who have posted on this thread who enjoy the attention feel the rest of their relationship is in a decent place, and those who don't like it are having other issues as well.


I've never liked being randomly grabbed, no matter which relationship it was or how well or how badly things were going. (I would personally feel disrespected by such behavior.) I only want to be grabbed if I'm already interested - you know, in certain situations/contexts. My partner is the same way, and as far as I know, other girls I've dated have been the same way. My guess is it's just a personal thing. Not everyone likes to be gropy (or groped) randomly, or without warning. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything more than that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ChargingCharlie

keeper63 said:


> My wife generally does not like her breasts to be touched unless she is already aroused, and breast play unto itself does not get her aroused, either.
> 
> Once she is "hot and bothered", she enjoys the attention I give her "lady lumps" (they are a rather nice 34D).


34D is what my ex was. Very nice. Perfect size for me.


----------



## GutPunch

I hope Ms. GP doesn't find this thread.


----------



## Pandakiss

samyeagar said:


> I would be interested to see if the women who have posted on this thread who enjoy the attention feel the rest of their relationship is in a decent place, and those who don't like it are having other issues as well.




Didn't comment previously but our marriage is in a good place and I like the groping. Public dosent bother me in the least, I also d!ck grab/rub in public, at home, or at his job. 

Nobody seems to notice or care. If someone was looking, sucks to be them. My husband and I play grab ass anywhere. His coworker walked into a poster board sign at work watchin us giggle and touch, I said sorry-LMAO- we still laugh about today. I asked him "don't you and your chick do this"...he declined to comment. 

Oh well. Sometimes our friends might say get a room, but I say after 20+ years we can do whatever we please, just turn your head lol. Most of the time we get told I hope I have it that good after 20 years. 

We do it so often people just don't notice it anymore. If I wear heels he will rub my feet on the movies and once in a while if we go out to eat and it's not too crowed and we have a table cloth. 

One day we were being silly, and he swatted my ass, so I swatted him right back, this went on for a few minutes of pretending to get away ass smacking and pretend running away, and trash talk, now you stop, no you stop. People were probably looking, I didn't notice or care.


----------



## jld

ChargingCharlie said:


> Your story about your marriage to your ex sounds almost exactly like my marriage. To the outside world, we're a happy couple with two adorable little kids. Inside, however, there are times when I absolutely despise her. She can be very bossy, and a lot of the time I much prefer it when she's not around, which I know isn't healthy (on the flip side, she says she likes it better when I'm around). I also tended to be a doormat until recently, as I didn't want a big blowup in front of the kids, plus I wanted to show her that I don't get worked up over little things and am more mature, but this didn't work, as she would just berate me over little stuff. I've made a habit of pushing back recently, and it has seemed to work. However, like you, we rarely show affection, and when we talk, if it's not about the kids, it's nothing more than superficial stuff.
> 
> 
> EDIT: Also wanted to say that the comment about how your 18 year old son saw the marriage between his parents hit me like a brick. This is what I want to avoid. Ours are still little, but they grow up fast (wish their mother would grow up). Also, as stated in numerous other threads, our sex life is nil.


It's good that you're standing up to her. I'm sure she respects that.

Are you using Active Listening, too? That will usually get to the heart of the problem. And the heart of the problem is where you want to be, if you want to change things.


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> It's good that you're standing up to her. I'm sure she respects that.
> 
> Are you using Active Listening, too? That will usually get to the heart of the problem. And the heart of the problem is where you want to be, if you want to change things.


I know you were talking to ChargingCharlie, but in my situation, I tried all that and it just made things a whole lot worse because my ex wife is NPD.


----------



## jld

How did it make it worse?


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> How did it make it worse?


How familiar are you with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?


----------



## JCD

looking for clarity said:


> See, he said I thought he wasn't into him because I told him to stop. But I have always hated them. I have huge breasts and have looked into reductions. I hate looking at them or having them touched. I guess it's a body image issue. I just feel like this contributed to his cheating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let me tell you this: I am a touchy person with my sex partners. One of them rejected these touches to the point of shouting. So...the guy is trying to show, in his mind, affirmations of love and affection...and he gets screamed at.

She got over it, but I still don't think she knows how hurtful it was. 

Now, public is a deal breaker and should have been a boundary. 

But...why didn't you take what he was doing as an AFFIRMATION of your body as being acceptable?

There were two ways to take it: as affection or as objectifying you. Now, yes, it might be the later if he was a cad (and he partly sounds it) but there is some personal POV involved too.


----------



## jld

I hear you, Sam. I am not. I only heard about BPD in the last few months, and don't really know anything about NPD or any other personality disorders.

Yes, I should probably read up more on these things before I ask questions.


----------



## jld

Don't take it personally, JCD. Assume the problem is in her, not you. 

How about using Active Listening to figure out what is wrong?


----------



## JCD

I had one girlfriend who absolutely refused to have her breasts touched. She's offering oral et al but no breast play.

She, with one simple statement went from 'possible mate' to 'not a chance'.


----------



## JCD

jld said:


> Don't take it personally, JCD. Assume the problem is in her, not you.
> 
> How about using Active Listening to figure out what is wrong?


Fixed already. She decided to change her POV or something. I told her how I felt and she actually listened.


----------



## jld

JCD said:


> Fixed already. She decided to change her POV or something. I told her how I felt and she actually listened.


SUPER!!!:smthumbup:


----------



## Marriedand40

I am also in the same group as the rest of the "BREAST MEN".

I love the way breasts look and absolutely love the way they feel. I realise it isn't the be all and end all but I absolutely love seeing a woman show a bit of cleavage.

I love the confidence a woman shows embracing her womanly curves. Sofia Vergera is 41 and has breasts to die for, a natural 34DD. It's good that a woman can finally embrace her breasts and show them off without being judged a **** or worse like the were 10 or 20 years ago.

My wife is a bit overweight but has 36C / 34D breasts. It's her best physical feature. She doesn't show them off enough as much as I would like her to but I get to play with them a few times a week. 

I could play with them every day if it was up to me.

Men are wired differently then women are. Breasts are sexy and there is nothing else to say.


----------



## samyeagar

jld said:


> I hear you, Sam. I am not. I only heard about BPD in the last few months, and don't really know anything about NPD or any other personality disorders.
> 
> Yes, I should probably read up more on these things before I ask questions.


At its heart, NPD is about the Narc keeping control over their emotional host, and things that would normally work with a rational normal person tend to have the opposite effect with a narc. They see it as a threat to their power and control and since they lack empathy there is absolutely no chance of working it out with them.

NPD is one of the worst personality disorders out there becase the person with it simply CAN'T see anything wrong with themselves and how they treat others. They lack empathy of any kind. It is like it is missing completely from their person. 

They truly believe at their core that everything they say and do is justified and correct. Their perception of the world is the only correct one. As long as you see things their way, they'll be your best friend, but will turn on a dime as soon as you challenge them in any way. They will go to any length to maintain their view because if it is challenged, they see it as their whole reality being torn down.

As a partner to a NPD person, you only have two choices. Be the ultimate and complete doormat, or leave, and sometimes it is easier and less emotionally damaging to just stay because once you leave, they can get even nastier. If you are going to leave one, you had better have plans in place to go not only no contact, but be prepared to drop completely off the face of the earth.

Throw in a martyr and victim complex on top of the NPD, and you have the worst of the worst kind of person imaginable.


----------



## arbitrator

*I am an addictive "nape-of-the neck" kisser! Always loved coming up from behind, placing my hands on her shoulders, breathing ever-so- lightly down their necks and then lightly caressing those soft shoulders and kissing.

When times were good, and if XW was coming out of the bathtub or shower and was still at least in a topless state, I'd come up from behind her and go for her neck(which she dearly loved) and more often than not she would take one of my hands and then strategically cup it over one or both of her breasts. I never really went for it unless the invitation was extended either verbally or non-verbally..

And then sometimes, she would turn abruptly around with a most wicked smile, throw a well-placed lip-lock on me and then place that hand down deep between her legs.

Intoxicating!

It's just too bad that I found out that she obviously liked all of her men to do that for her! Both at home and away!*


----------



## JCD

I wish most women were as...self aware as the TAM women. 

Too many think that men loving breasts mean MEN are the problem.

No...men are men. They want what they want and railing against their 'male nature' is a fools errand


----------



## samyeagar

JCD said:


> I wish most women were as...self aware as the TAM women.
> 
> Too many think that men loving breasts mean MEN are the problem.
> 
> No...men are men. They want what they want and railing against their 'male nature' is a fools errand


But it is so difficult to go against what society has taught women for the last couple of generations...that if a man likes a woman physically, and shows it, he is only objectifying her, tearing her down to nothing more than a body, only sees her as a sexual plaything. That she is so much more than that, that she is everything BUT sexual even to the point that a simple admiring glance can undo all the respect and admiration he's shown for her other qualities as well.

Why do you think it is that a woman can walk into a bar with her tits half hanging out, then get bent out of shape if she gets a look? It's because she's been trained to embrace her sexuality, but if a man notices, he's a pig.


----------



## Sun Catcher

In my past relationships I could never get enough attention shown to my breasts, seemed men were just more interested in doing the deed. Some initial breast play then down to the business which I found terribly disappointing. Even when I voiced my desires, it might have increased breast play by 30-45 seconds.  In these relationships I would become annoyed at later having my breasts grabbed when walking across the room or emptying the dishwasher. Felt it was degrading and juvenile.

Currently I am very fortunate and my breasts are given loads of attention, caressed, massaged and sucked to their hearts delight. We have discovered I can actually orgasm on breast play alone. 
He can touch them anytime he likes in or out of the bedroom and I do my best in public to surreptitiously poke him with them or rub against him and he loves that. 

The first thing that comes off when I get home are my shoes and my bra. I can't stand bras, but with a 40DD I can't actually walk around in public bra less even though they ain't bad for the size and age I am told.

I think there is a direct correlation between how the relationship is and whether a women accepts (or even desires) being lovingly groped outside the bedroom. I went from the annoyed "hey, just leave the boobies alone" when anyone coped a feel because that was what it felt like, an intrusion, to looking forward to anything from a light brush by to a most definite pinch. I love my man to notice, comment and touch. Goes for the boobies and/or any part of my body. 

BTW, the touching, brushing and groping goes both ways. We are just delighted in being as close as possible and intimate. When we can't be (like out in public) we just hold hands.


----------



## SadSamIAm

Best song about Breasts!

Rodney Carrington - Show Them to Me.flv - YouTube


----------



## Thound

My wife has 38 DDs. Would it be classless to ask her to slap me in the face with them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

Thound said:


> My wife has 38 DDs. Would it be classless to ask her to slap me in the face with them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Among other things!*


----------



## Faithful Wife

Someone previously said that her husband would comment about women's breasts on TV/movies and then grope hers.

I can totally understand why a woman wouldn't like this but...have to confess, my H does this all the time. He doesn't make specific comments about specific breasts...what happens is that if there is any boob scene on TV or any movie where either breasts are shown or someone is touching someone's breasts, or a joke is made about breasts, or a woman walks in and the viewer is directed to notice her breasts for some reason in the script...he will suddenly jump up and grab me and go straight for my breasts. It is sort of like, he suddenly "remembers" that there are breasts in the room (mine) when he sees some elsewhere, and he comes flying at me to get his hands on them.

Now granted, he has amazingly talented hands, so I wouldn't enjoy this if he didn't...but it actually feels great, makes me laugh, and just further reinforces what a boob man he really is. He never, ever makes me feel like he is turned on by the breasts on TV or that mine aren't better/his favorite. He just makes me feel like the lucky recipient of his lusty nature.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

Thound said:


> My wife has 38 DDs. Would it be classless to ask her to slap me in the face with them?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My ex would be on top with her 36D's and just move her tits back and forth over my ****. Just thinking about this over a decade later gets me aroused.


----------



## looking for clarity

I am appreciative of responses from males and females but I want to make an observation. I don't even really know if I have a point in what I'm trying to say, but I feel I must say it.

I posted this in the ladies lounge to other women and the last few pages of this thread are filled with men talking about how much they love breasts. It's almost like men have to try and define women's experiences of their own bodies been touched. I really mean no offense as I don't think we are all conscience of it happening. 

It's like my husband says, this is how I show love- to touch breasts. But I want love demonstrated a different way. So why does he get his way - because men want what men want? I hope that makes sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Holland

It is a public, open forum. You asked in the ladies area but personally I can't see a problem with either gender answering, that is what happens in forums, you can't dictate who replies or what their opinion is. Not having a go, just saying.

Anyway the problem sounds like one of poor communication and/or willingness to met the others needs (as a general, not you OP). I enjoy the attention I get from Mr H, it would be a bad sign if he did not pay me this attention. It is circular, I love getting the attention, he loves giving it. We talk openly, we know each others boundaries, needs and wants. IMHO the best place is one where both people are getting and giving what they want. If this isn't happening then resentment becomes an issue.

So I don't see this as men getting what they want. It is an issue of a particular couple not understanding each other, not caring about each other. I grab at my partner all the time, he loves it. Maybe we are odd but neither of us mind being objectified by the other, we are safe with each other and everything we do has the right intention behind it.


----------



## samyeagar

looking for clarity said:


> I am appreciative of responses from males and females but I want to make an observation. I don't even really know if I have a point in what I'm trying to say, but I feel I must say it.
> 
> I posted this in the ladies lounge to other women and the last few pages of this thread are filled with men talking about how much they love breasts. It's almost like men have to try and define women's experiences of their own bodies been touched. I really mean no offense as I don't think we are all conscience of it happening.
> 
> It's like my husband says, *this is how I show love- to touch breasts*. But I want love demonstrated a different way. So why does he get his way - because men want what men want? I hope that makes sense.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is also one way men are shown love, by their woman letting them touch their breasts. I still stand by what I said earlier in that this type of physical intimacy is a barometer for other parts of the relationship. I think in most, certainly not all, but most cases, if the woman is feeling in a good place in the relationship, this is not only not a bother, but it is welcomed. Part of being in the right place is feeling love in the other ways she needs to feel it.

If both partners are high on Physical Touch as their primary love language, this is often a non issue as it is a sign of love in both directions.


----------



## Thound

My wife acts offended if I even touch hers


----------



## looking for clarity

See, what I left out is my nipples are so sensitive it can be an unpleasant sensation. Something I've explained to him many times. I would tell him not to take it personally but he does. I wasn't trying to dictate on who could post on this thread, I was making an observation. 

Sometimes I regret taking women studies in college lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## treyvion

Thound said:


> My wife acts offended if I even touch hers


How is the rest of your sex and intimate life?

Regular sex?

Oral sex?

Kinks?


----------



## COGypsy

I think the takeaway from all of this, Looking for Clarity, is this:

1. Yes, men like breasts. In particular, ones they can actually touch. Even better, attached to someone they care about.

2. NONE said that it was the only way they were able to communicate love and/or affection.

3. And ESPECIALLY--not a single man on the whole thread said that if they couldn't touch their wives' breasts, they would go find a man to have sex with instead.

So, whatever your body issues and affection preferences may be, your husband has a whole set of concerns uniquely his own that would have upset your marriage regardless of what your feelings or reactions to his fondling were. Letting him touch you more or changing your reaction to it wouldn't have done a darn thing to change the outcome here.


----------



## samyeagar

looking for clarity said:


> See, what I left out is my nipples are so sensitive it can be an unpleasant sensation. Something I've explained to him many times. I would tell him not to take it personally but he does. I wasn't trying to dictate on who could post on this thread, I was making an observation.
> 
> *Sometimes I regret taking women studies in college lol*.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha! I used to buy into all that crap until I finally realized that the real world doesn't always work that way.

Just as Holland said above, my STBW and I totally objectify each other. We use each others bodies for pleasure all the time, and love every minute of it. There are times where I wish she would objectify me more  The thing is, we also completely respect the other, admire them, cherish them, LOVE them.

I am a man, and my woman makes me absolutely love being her MAN.


----------



## Created2Write

I love being touched. I need affirmation/admiration daily, and how often he touches me is one way that need is met. He also touches me on other areas, and he shows me admiration in other ways. If this were the _only_ way he touched me, I wouldn't be completely happy. 

But, as it is, he could touch my breasts more often.


----------



## Sun Catcher

looking for clarity said:


> See, what I left out is my nipples are so sensitive it can be an unpleasant sensation. Something I've explained to him many times. I would tell him not to take it personally but he does. I wasn't trying to dictate on who could post on this thread, I was making an observation.
> 
> Sometimes I regret taking women studies in college lol.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes I have asked Mr. SC to stop touching my nipples as they can become really oversensitive, but I ask in the same way I would ask him to stop doing something else. It is usually enough to just lovingly push his hand away or turn a bit and he is very attuned and knows that bit is being over stimulated. Actually, it is rare but has also happened on clitoral stimulation. It isn't bad to ask or distract from something. 

So it is not a case of not liking it I understand but more of being over sensitive…. have you asked for a softer touch, mouth opposed to hands for example? A partner needs guidance, nothing wrong with that and if he loves you and wants to please he is just waiting for some indication from you on what/how to please you.

I do think most men posting here are only trying to be helpful by telling you their stories or trying to help you understand how men think.


----------



## looking for clarity

I know and that why I wasn't yelling at the men. I welcome the input. He only usually touches my breasts and I have complained for years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## rush

I touch my wife all over, she usually likes it


----------



## samyeagar

Created2Write said:


> I love being touched. *I need affirmation/admiration daily, and how often he touches me is one way that need is met*. He also touches me on other areas, and he shows me admiration in other ways. If this were the _only_ way he touched me, I wouldn't be completely happy.
> 
> But, as it is, he could touch my breasts more often.


C2W! Haven't seen you around for a little while.

I am very fortunate in that my STBW is very similar. Physical touch is something she treasures as affirmation of my love and desire for her. We are very much a match in that regard. Sex is also a very important validation for her, as it is for me. I think that is a huge part of why we have sex 10-15 times a week and never get bored of it. Not only is it down right fun with her, it is just as much an expression of love for both of us as holding hands. We hold hands a lot too


----------



## Created2Write

Hey Sam.  

There are so many ways to be validated. If my husband didn't touch me, I would be miserable. I love and crave his touch. He could touch me twice as much as he does and I would still want more. 

OP, your husband very likely could be projecting his need for physical touch. How often have you touched him?


----------



## samyeagar

looking for clarity said:


> I know and that why I wasn't yelling at the men. I welcome the input. *He only usually touches my breasts and I have complained for years.*_Posted via Mobile Device_


So is that actually more the issue? Not so much that he touches your breasts, rather, he doesn't do other things as well? That the breast touching is far more disproportionate to everything else?


----------



## samyeagar

Created2Write said:


> Hey Sam.
> 
> *There are so many ways to be validated. If my husband didn't touch me, I would be miserable. I love and crave his touch. He could touch me twice as much as he does and I would still want more*.
> 
> OP, your husband very likely could be projecting his need for physical touch. How often have you touched him?


Very much like my STBW, and I am happy to oblidge as I am the same way. We are constantly touching in one way or another. Very seldom are we close to eachother without touching. Thighs touching sitting next to eachother, feet together if we are across the table from eachother, holding hands, walking arm in arm, arm around her, hand on the small of her back leading her into a room, nose nuzzling, you name it. Lots of kissing too.


----------



## Thound

treyvion said:


> How is the rest of your sex and intimate life?
> 
> Regular sex?
> 
> Oral sex?
> 
> Kinks?


Strictly duty sex.


----------



## not recognizable

WorkingOnMe said:


> Too late. She denied him so much he cheated and now he's the STBX.


You are joking I hope. She caused him to cheat because she didn't want her breasts fondled constantly? Is it only women who have to take ownership of their affairs?


----------



## treyvion

not recognizable said:


> You are joking I hope. She caused him to cheat because she didn't want her breasts fondled constantly? Is it only women who have to take ownership of their affairs?


That last statement got me... Inherent in this entire culture and some around the world is the double standard that if a man cheats on a woman it's the man's fault, but if the woman cheats on a man it's a man's fault.

So women get a free pass, and the men get the nice side bonus of being ridiculed and accepting a more emasculating image among anyone who knows.


----------



## always_alone

samyeagar said:


> Ha! I used to buy into all that crap until I finally realized that the real world doesn't always work that way.
> 
> Just as Holland said above, my STBW and I totally objectify each other. We use each others bodies for pleasure all the time, and love every minute of it. There are times where I wish she would objectify me more  The thing is, we also completely respect the other, admire them, cherish them, LOVE them.


For the record, taking pleasure in the body of the person you love, admire, respect, and cherish is in no way objectification.

Objectification is about disregarding that person's agency and feelings, and treating them as if they have no purpose other than your amusement.

And considering how often women are turned into mere ornaments or toys in this world, I'm all for raising awareness about these issues and encouraging women to recognize their rights to be treated with respect, and to articulate their desires and needs.


----------



## always_alone

treyvion said:


> That last statement got me... Inherent in this entire culture and some around the world is the double standard that if a man cheats on a woman it's the man's fault, but if the woman cheats on a man it's a man's fault.
> 
> So women get a free pass, and the men get the nice side bonus of being ridiculed and accepting a more emasculating image among anyone who knows.


Really? Last I heard, if a man cheats on a women it's her fault (for not being sexy enough to keep him), and if a woman cheats on a man it's her fault for being a skank.

So men get a free pass, and women get the nice side bonus of being on the wrong side of sexy every time.

No?


----------



## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> For the record, taking pleasure in the body of the person you love, admire, respect, and cherish is in no way objectification.
> 
> Objectification is about disregarding that person's agency and feelings, and treating them as if they have no purpose other than your amusement.
> 
> And considering how often women are turned into mere ornaments or toys in this world, I'm all for raising awareness about these issues *and encouraging women to recognize their rights to be treated with respect, and to articulate their desires and needs*.


And while I agree with this in principle, the rights you mentioned above are often taken beyond the extreme leading to the princessification, entitlement mindset being pushed to women. The fact that it goes both ways, that men need to be respected as well often seems to be missing and that helps lead to the objectification you speak of.


----------



## samyeagar

always_alone said:


> Really? Last I heard, if a man cheats on a women it's her fault (for not being sexy enough to keep him), and if a woman cheats on a man it's her fault for being a skank.
> 
> So men get a free pass, and women get the nice side bonus of being on the wrong side of sexy every time.
> 
> No?


No. Generally in cases of infidelity, the woman is looked upon as the victim either way.


----------



## treyvion

always_alone said:


> Really? Last I heard, if a man cheats on a women it's her fault (for not being sexy enough to keep him), and if a woman cheats on a man it's her fault for being a skank.
> 
> So men get a free pass, and women get the nice side bonus of being on the wrong side of sexy every time.
> 
> No?


A woman only gets called that on TAM and similar infidelity boards.

To the rest of the world and most of the world, the man bears the cost, so she can cheat on him and get looked at a positive light for doing it.

A man is usually looked at as weak for being cheated on, or there must be a problem with his penis or sex isn't strong enough.


----------



## Faithful Wife

always_alone said:


> For the record, taking pleasure in the body of the person you love, admire, respect, and cherish is in no way objectification.
> 
> Objectification is about disregarding that person's agency and feelings, and treating them as if they have no purpose other than your amusement.
> 
> And considering how often women are turned into mere ornaments or toys in this world, I'm all for raising awareness about these issues and encouraging women to recognize their rights to be treated with respect, and to articulate their desires and needs.


Always...the thing is...some women have NOT experienced the world the way you have and some of us are not seeing men the way you do...and some of us do not see ourselves the way you see yourself (or the way you think men see women, I guess?)

My husband and I might play a sex game where we *deliberately* objectify each other...even verbally degrade each other, violate each other, or beat on each other. Sometimes I pretend to be a rag doll and I lay there with blanked out eyes while he pretends to molest me. How much more objectified can I be?

But I *like* this feeling. I *like* being separated from my emotions for a time and having my body be enjoyed just as a sex object. I'm solid enough in myself to "play" like that. I have no feelings that I really *am* seen as as sex object.

In your case, because you feel your SO really does see you and other women as objects, I don't see how you will ever be able to see that the world doesn't have to be like that. YOUR world is like that for you due to the relationship partner you have chosen. 

In my case, my husband treats me like a goddess, a wh*re, a wife, a sister, a mother....and none of these titles contradict the other, because beneath it all, he knows I'm his *equal* and titles are just things we like to play with.

I really wish you could at least accept that you are constantly projecting because of your relationship. It makes me feel bad for the men around here, many of whom are very high quality men, in love with their wives, and deserve respect.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Also always...you at one time said you understand that I think your SO is a "loser". That isn't the case. I just think he makes you incredibly unhappy and you are then irritated at ALL men. IOW, I don't blame him or think anything about him at all.


----------



## always_alone

Faithful Wife said:


> But I *like* this feeling. I *like* being separated from my emotions for a time and having my body be enjoyed just as a sex object.


Hey, if you're happy, then power to you. Far be it for me to criticize your sex life.

However, the issues of objectification and disempowerment are very real problems that affect a lot of women, and are not just my projections.

To say you like being beaten around like a rag doll is totally your call. But I assume that your not suggesting that therefore this is a grand plan for all women?


----------



## Faithful Wife

No, I'm just suggesting that all women don't see the world the way you do.

Objectification and disempowerment ARE real. But not every man and not every woman is affected by it. The way you paint the world, it would appear that men are all pigs and women are all victims. I am just wishing you would see the difference between your own projections and the more balanced reality that I see.


----------



## always_alone

Faithful Wife said:


> It makes me feel bad for the men around here, many of whom are very high quality men, in love with their wives, and deserve respect.


Also, not sure why you feel bad for the men here?:scratchhead:

All I was doing was telling Sam that he isn't really objectifying his STBW. No, he loves her, respects her and cherishes her.

I'd probably say the same about your h too.


There's a big difference between sex games and real live objectification.


----------



## always_alone

Faithful Wife said:


> The way you paint the world, it would appear that men are all pigs and women are all victims.


This is so far from what I really think, I'm not even sure where to start.

Maybe I'll just slink out now, since I'm clearly no communicating very well.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Well I just saw another poster say the same thing to you on another thread (that you seem to think all men are pigs and all women are victims) so I'm pretty sure it isn't just me misinterpreting the way you are coming across.

However, that doesn't mean you should slink away but that's up to you.

I feel sorry for some of the men on this board because you appear to paint "all men" with the same brush, and there are many here who are loving and are not choosing porn over their wives...yet as I said, it sounds like you put them in the same category with the men who do objectify women.

Do you really not understand that your relationship is hurting you like this? That it is skewing your view of the world?


----------



## JCD

Huh. Sometimes I objectify my wife and sometimes I worship her and sometimes we tease each other.

Why do I have to be a black/white sort of thing? I as a man have large numbers of contradictory motivations, desiring the touch of a hand on my skin sometimes...sometimes a pleasant porn fantasy...and sometimes just being on the couch together watching some dramatic series together and listening to one another breath.

I would venture to say for MOST Western men at least, it's rarely all objectification all the time, though I might also be projecting.

But sorry, that is where 'interactions' start. She is an object and I am an object. Unless we interact , that is all we are to one another.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I'm not sure if you are directing that at ME or not....but rest assured, I am one of always alone's biggest supporters and always have been. None of my comments to her are "politically" motivated. I simply have a lot of concern for her personally, because according to her own descriptions of her SO and the way he makes her feel, her soul is slowly bleeding out. I believe that some of her comments on TAM are actually about herself, and she is in pain about her situation a LOT.


----------



## not recognizable

Faithful Wife said:


> I'm not sure if you are directing that at ME or not....but rest assured, I am one of always alone's biggest supporters and always have been. None of my comments to her are "politically" motivated. I simply have a lot of concern for her personally, because according to her own descriptions of her SO and the way he makes her feel, her soul is slowly bleeding out. I believe that some of her comments on TAM are actually about herself, and she is in pain about her situation a LOT.


Oh well then I apologize. I thought you and some others were attacking her for her views, experiences, preferences, and so on. I always understand and relate to her posts, so I felt the need to tell her that.
I am glad to hear you have concern for her and are not criticizing or invalidating her feelings.


----------



## always_alone

not recognizable said:


> And you're communicating yourself quite clearly and quite well. The responses are a matter of...mmm...shall we just say politics?





Faithful Wife said:


> but rest assured, I am one of always alone's biggest supporters and always have been.


Awww shucks. Y'all are swell! Thanks for caring.

You're right FW, a lot of my posts are very much about me and my experience. But not all are about my SO. Don't worry, I'm looking out for my soul and working on healing.


----------



## PBear

Btw... I'm often touching my SO (breasts and otherwise), as mentioned earlier. I have a tendency to stroke while I have my hands on her. Every once in a while, she either just asks me nicely to keep my hands still or just puts her hands on mine to still them. Never done with irritation or anger. It just gets to be to much occasionally. And it doesn't hurt my feelings when she does. 

Just throwing that out there...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Created2Write

My confusion lies in how a husband enjoying his own wife's body(breasts) means that he is or might be objectifying her? Don't women also enjoy their husband's bodies? Whether that's their penis, or their buttocks, or the sight of them walking out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and topless. And since the alternative is highly concerning(husbands and wives _not_ enjoying each others bodies), I think the definition of objectification should be more specifically defined. 

A man enjoying his wife's body, touching, caressing, copping a feel, should be encouraged, not warned against. The idea of a husband often touching his wife's breasts being an objectification doesn't sit well with me. It implies that a man's sexual desires, on its own, objectifies women, yet a woman's sexual desires, on their own, don't objectify men. 

Objectification, imo, isn't defined by specific actions or desires, but rather the persons intentions. Like FW said, her marriage consists of actions that many would consider to be sexual objectification, yet isn't _complete_ objectification because she wants those actions and feelings. I would say the same applies to people with rape fantasies, and those who enjoy BDSM. They have a particular sexual enjoyment, but their intentions _aren't_ to degrade or abuse or control their partner. 

Could a man fondling his wife's breasts be an act of objectification? Perhaps, but imo only under very specific circumstances when a pattern of other objectifying actions has been created.


----------



## ocotillo

Faithful Wife said:


> My husband and I might play a sex game where we *deliberately* objectify each other...even verbally degrade each other, violate each other, or beat on each other. Sometimes I pretend to be a rag doll and I lay there with blanked out eyes while he pretends to molest me. How much more objectified can I be?


The impression I get from your online personality is that you wouldn't hesitate to tell your husband if you *didn't like* that sort of thing. And if he's the man I'm picturing, he certainly would respect that.

So I would argue that the, "Escaped convict and Warden's wife" genre of sex play is not objectification in the true sense of the term. --No more so than it would qualify as rape in the legal sense. 

As Jon Lovitz used to say on SNL, "Acting!"


----------



## Faithful Wife

Created said: "Like FW said, her marriage consists of actions that many would consider to be sexual objectification, yet isn't complete objectification because she wants those actions and feelings."

We could call it *consensual* objectification.

ocotillo said: "The impression I get from your online personality is that you wouldn't hesitate to tell your husband if you *didn't like* that sort of thing. And if he's the man I'm picturing, he certainly would respect that."

Yes, and I was only making a point about the overall topic, in response to one of always alone's posts...I wasn't trying to say "this is something other people would enjoy". But I did want to show how it _can_ be enjoyed...there is no rule saying that no woman would ever enjoy being objectified. That was the point.


----------



## lifeisbetterthanalternat

OP, 

I think when you (or anyone else) post things like this you should give some background. It was not clear by your initial post what you classified as a "sex addiction". Not knowing you or your contexts, you may want to edit your post and explain the full story. 

Many men like me would touch our wives breasts, butts etc... all the time. Even those of us that have reasonable boundrries (that your husband does not) do this sort of thing. 

Many people don't have the time or inclination to rummage through 100 posts to understand your situtation. 

It sounds like the real problem is not the frequency of your h's boob touching but, rather his past digressions that perhaps repulse you to his touch. 

Regardless good luck.


----------



## oldgeezer

looking for clarity said:


> Following up on men's obsessions on breasts. One thing that always bothered me about my sbtxh is how often he tried to touch my breasts. It seems like he's always trying to touch them. If he passed me in the hallway. If he was on the couch with me. He would do it in public. I used to stop him as it got really annoying and he would pout and say he was lovibg me. But I would point out that love can be shown by a hindered ways than touching my breasts. Is this normal or was this part of his sex addiction?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When we're (we being males) young, a girl that will "show us" herself naked... well, we know she accepts us (or at least think so). From that time onward, being separated from seeing and even touching, feels like an act of rejection. 

I remember a time when my wife WANTED me to touch her... and I remember a time when there was no showering with her, touching or laying in bed caressing. And they correspond directly to there being desire and acceptance and NOT having those things. 

If he can't touch you (respectfully, when it's not in public, etc), then you've rejected him and that's how he's going to perceive it, no way around it. You really need to decide if this is about you, or that you don't trust him. If it's the former, you need to work through that. If it's the latter, then the real issue needs to be addressed and immediately, at that.


----------



## Quant

I grope my wife everywhere even at a funeral once.


----------



## bfree

I love it when my wife objectifies me. I wish she'd do it more often.lol


----------



## looking for clarity

I think it speaks to my gut feeling. My other boyfriends would touch them once in a while and a lot of guys asked permission. It could be I immigrated to the USA from South Africa and in my circle, there are definitely good girls and bad girls mentality there. He grabs them excessively. He used to always have his fly down as well. Some times people would comment on it and he wouldn't pull it up. He doesn't touch them in a loving way as part of a caress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Created2Write

OP, your posts are a bit difficult to understand. I think we're going to need more info, if you're willing to provide it. My husband touches my breasts at a frequency I would call "excessive"; dozens of times a day, to be precise. And not always in a caressing kind of way; most often it's an out-and-out grope, very sensual and entirely for his own pleasure. 

In my first year of marriage with him, I started feeling as you do...that it was too much sexual contact, with not enough non-sexual touch. I got anxious and uncomfortable with his touch, and even went so far as to go out of my way to avoid him when I thought he might try and touch my chest. It didn't take long for him to pick up on my not so subtle hints, and he stopped touching me altogether. 

Now, I've learned that while his fondling my chest may happen at a time when I'm not particularly interested, he's only attempting to communicate his desire. I take it as a compliment. I would _much rather_ have him touch me too much, than not enough. I encourage you to evaluate if this excessive fondling really is objectification, or if it's merely your a husband enjoying his wife's body. Because, while you may want him to stop touching you so much, your actions and words could lead to him not touching you at all. In my case, I was simply unused to being fondled so much. Being married seemed to increase my husband's desire to touch me intimately, and all I needed was time to adjust. My husband isn't disrespectful to me in other ways, he doesn't domineer or control me, he doesn't use me; therefore, I was then, and still am, confident that his actions _aren't_ objectifying. 

Does your husband disrespect you? Does he use you? Does he show you other signs of affection, both physical and non-physical? Does he seek to domineer and control you? I encourage you to think about these things very carefully. Just because you're uncomfortable with how much he likes to touch your breasts _does not_ mean he's objectifying you. With all due respect, you could simply be over sensitive. What your other boyfriends did is absolutely irrelevant to your husband's actions. Not every man loves breasts as much as others; some men prefer the buttocks, others love a woman's legs, or her feet. It doesn't mean your husband is abnormal just because he enjoys your breasts more than your other boyfriends. Also, does your husband need your "permission" to enjoy your body? My husband certainly doesn't need mine. He can touch me anywhere at any time he pleases, and I can do the same to him.


----------



## wise

I touch my girl's breast any chance I get. Whether it's at the house, public, beach, wherever. They are a 36DD so how can one help themselves. It's the same as butt grabbing too. I normally like to put my hand in her back pocket.. she thinks it's cute/romantic.. I think it's just grabbing her butt. It's our minds.. we are crazy.

She does get me back a lot though.. usually at the beach she'll touch me for a couple seconds under the umbrella and then run off. I can't get up after that for minutes due to the pitched tent lol


----------



## PinkSalmon13

Thanks to PBear for referencing this thread in another - found my way over here and it's my favorite thread ever! I have really mixed emotions reading all these replies (touch pro and con, accept/reject, etc.) I'm married but haven't touched a breast in almost six years. Man I miss it. Used to do all the things that y'all mention here, really enjoyed it. My wife was never crazy about it, but would occasionally flash me from the shower and so on. I'm a total boob man, and hers are really nice. In refelcting over the years, though, I can now sense that she was never really comfortable with this touch/obsession, at least not in the way that you wonderful women who want/desire/need/enjoy your breasts receiving said attention. Good memories, though.

Obviously I have other issues to contend with right now (almost six years NO sex and a few before that of technical sexlessness), but this is a great thread if only to make me see that I'm not insane; that wanting to touch is normal and that there are women out there who desire that touch. 

Carry on!


----------



## PinkSalmon13

samyeagar said:


> Talking with my oldest son who is almost 18 now, he knew. He picked up on all the subtleties. Not holding hands, no kissing, no playful hugs, never talking about things that were any deeper than the days news headlines, no I love you's. He picked up on it all, and he could feel the tension. He knew that not only weren't we in love, that we actually loathed each other. He saw me as a complete doormat, not capable of standig up for myself. I was a doormat, and rationalized it as keeping the peace for the kids. He lost a lot of respect for me because of that.......


Ugh.....this pains me to read because the same thing unraveled for me. I was away from my family for a week and experienced a bad cycling crash. I was pretty ripped up and couldn't sleep that night. Was staying in a friend's spare room and feeling kind of lonely, so jumped online and looked at my kids' twitter feeds just to see what they were up to while ol' dad was away. Came across about a half-dozen tweets between them which ripped my heart out. My daughter had tweeted how it was so relaxing with me gone, and my son had tweeted 'one thing my dad has taught me is never to be like him'. Ouch. I should add that I don't have Twitter, but their feeds were public. These things gave my heart a piledriver. I don't know where these feelings had come from because, like you, I never raised my voice at home, never disrespected my wife, never stirred the pot or had constructive disagreements.......thought I was being the peaceful sheriff. Nope. Kids know. Tension and loathing aren't always spawned in loud/active disagreement. They were responding to the fact that their father was a doormat, just a silent shock-absorber, and an affectionless zero.

I have recovered quite a bit with my son. I realized he saw his role model of a father as pretty vacant. I immediately sucked it up and realized where I'd let him down as an example. Things are better now. My daughter (the youngest, age 15 when this happened) is still a tough nut. She interacts with me like her mother does - kind of coldly and superficially. I have a lot of work to do there.

Thus are the repercussions of the sexless and affectionless marriage. Those staying for the children - proceed with great caution.


----------



## looking for clarity

Thanks created to write for the constructive criticism. My husband doesn't know about tam and I only use it on my phone. Often quickly before he comes in the room. And I think autocorrect does a number on my posts.

My husband can be loving and generous. We used to love to cuddle. But he is very controlling and pretty verbally abusive. I recently found out he's been cheating on me for at least 8 of our 13 years together. He then tried to say it's because I'm not always affectionate. My nipples are really sensitive and the sensation can verge on unpleasant. I told him he can play with my breasts but not my nipples but he pouts. But it was more than that. It felt like he wanted to touch boobs and not like he wanted to show me he loved me. 

I do hate my breasts. I'm a 32 g and I have a small waist. Since 16, I've gotten a lot of attention and harassment and I'll admit to been sensitive. I explained this to my husband and I think if he really cared about me, he would have respected my wishes and not made me feel uncomfortable. 

I mean where's the line between pleasing your partner and respecting your integrity?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lmdesq

Last couple weeks I've been sick and still workin 10 plus hrs a day. My husband started rubbing my shoulders. He then started squeezing my boobs. Really! I got mad and hurt because I think that's a slap. Why can't he comfort me without it being sexual? I had a fever and pain. He knew that. He thought my getting mad at him was overreacting. Comments?


----------



## lonelyhusband321

Lmdesq said:


> Last couple weeks I've been sick and still workin 10 plus hrs a day. My husband started rubbing my shoulders. He then started squeezing my boobs. Really! I got mad and hurt because I think that's a slap. Why can't he comfort me without it being sexual? I had a fever and pain. He knew that. He thought my getting mad at him was overreacting. Comments?


Don't get so upset about him displaying some desire.

He wants you. That (all by itself) isn't a bad thing.

On the other hand, if he acts like he really doesn't give a sh!t about you - that he only wants to get in the undies, that's a problem.


----------



## lonelyhusband321

looking for clarity said:


> Thanks created to write for the constructive criticism. My husband doesn't know about tam and I only use it on my phone. Often quickly before he comes in the room. And I think autocorrect does a number on my posts.
> 
> My husband can be loving and generous. We used to love to cuddle. But he is very controlling and pretty verbally abusive. I recently found out he's been cheating on me for at least 8 of our 13 years together. He then tried to say it's because I'm not always affectionate. My nipples are really sensitive and the sensation can verge on unpleasant. I told him he can play with my breasts but not my nipples but he pouts. But it was more than that. It felt like he wanted to touch boobs and not like he wanted to show me he loved me.
> 
> I do hate my breasts. I'm a 32 g and I have a small waist. Since 16, I've gotten a lot of attention and harassment and I'll admit to been sensitive. I explained this to my husband and I think if he really cared about me, he would have respected my wishes and not made me feel uncomfortable.
> 
> I mean where's the line between pleasing your partner and respecting your integrity?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Controlling, verbally abusive and wanting to touch your goodies are completely separate issues.

Him wanting to cop a feel shouldn't be viewed as horrible - the other stuff should be, though...


----------



## bfree

Meh. It's a guy thing. If he had boobs getting them rubbed he thinks would make him feel better. So he tried to make you feel better the same way.


----------



## tacoma

"Try" makes the false implication that there has been a time that I failed to touch her breasts.

I guess I'm not the target audience for this thread.



I Touch them daily usually more than once.


----------



## askari

_


Created2Write said:



OP, your posts are a bit difficult to understand. I think we're going to need more info, if you're willing to provide it. My husband touches my breasts at a frequency I would call "excessive"; dozens of times a day, to be precise. And not always in a caressing kind of way; most often it's an out-and-out grope, very sensual and entirely for his own pleasure. 

In my first year of marriage with him, I started feeling as you do...that it was too much sexual contact, with not enough non-sexual touch. I got anxious and uncomfortable with his touch, and even went so far as to go out of my way to avoid him when I thought he might try and touch my chest. It didn't take long for him to pick up on my not so subtle hints, and he stopped touching me altogether. 

Now, I've learned that while his fondling my chest may happen at a time when I'm not particularly interested, he's only attempting to communicate his desire. I take it as a compliment. I would much rather have him touch me too much, than not enough. I encourage you to evaluate if this excessive fondling really is objectification, or if it's merely your a husband enjoying his wife's body. Because, while you may want him to stop touching you so much, your actions and words could lead to him not touching you at all. In my case, I was simply unused to being fondled so much. Being married seemed to increase my husband's desire to touch me intimately, and all I needed was time to adjust. My husband isn't disrespectful to me in other ways, he doesn't domineer or control me, he doesn't use me; therefore, I was then, and still am, confident that his actions aren't objectifying. 

Does your husband disrespect you? Does he use you? Does he show you other signs of affection, both physical and non-physical? Does he seek to domineer and control you? I encourage you to think about these things very carefully. Just because you're uncomfortable with how much he likes to touch your breasts does not mean he's objectifying you. With all due respect, you could simply be over sensitive. What your other boyfriends did is absolutely irrelevant to your husband's actions. Not every man loves breasts as much as others; some men prefer the buttocks, others love a woman's legs, or her feet. It doesn't mean your husband is abnormal just because he enjoys your breasts more than your other boyfriends. Also, does your husband need your "permission" to enjoy your body? My husband certainly doesn't need mine. He can touch me anywhere at any time he pleases, and I can do the same to him.

Click to expand...

_Speaking as a male I can vouch for the above 100%. When I first married my wife I couldn't keep my hands off her...I wanted to make love to her every day because thats how I (men) show their love. I wanted to play with her t!ts, nibble them etc etc. But the more she pushed me away the less I wanted to show her my love....being pushed away and rejected hurts. 

If you ask your husband to give you a naked massage of course he's going to get turned on...then you reject his sexual advances? Come on!
Not only does rejection hurt but so does an unused boner!

How does a man stop being rejected and hurt? He stops putting himself in the position where he is likely to get rejected/hurt....and in time he will lose all interest in you.

As I have with my wife....because she kept on pushing me away.
She is now reaping what she sowed.


----------



## bfree

askari said:


> Speaking as a male I can vouch for the above 100%. When I first married my wife I couldn't keep my hands off her...I wanted to make love to her every day because thats how I (men) show their love. I wanted to play with her t!ts, nibble them etc etc. But the more she pushed me away the less I wanted to show her my love....being pushed away and rejected hurts.
> 
> If you ask your husband to give you a naked massage of course he's going to get turned on...then you reject his sexual advances? Come on!
> Not only does rejection hurt but so does an unused boner!
> 
> How does a man stop being rejected and hurt? He stops putting himself in the position where he is likely to get rejected/hurt....and in time he will lose all interest in you.
> 
> As I have with my wife....because she kept on pushing me away.
> She is now reaping what she sowed.


I agree. Desire is not a switch that can be turned on and off at will. It's more like a valve that will eventually get rusty and stuck if not used frequently. Some women think men can and should desire them only when they want to be desired. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. Would you rather he touch your boobs or some other woman's boobs?


----------



## ladylaker

My ex use to touch and feel them all the time too. Most of the time, it was okay, but it would have been better if he would have just wrapped his arms around me, maybe even kissed my neck once in a while. Pull me into a deep kiss, wrap me in a warm tight embrace instead of going for the breast EVERY time. I'm sorry, there are other areas of a woman where we want and need to feel our lover's touch. And even AFTER I had made my feelings known, he then did it as a joke - ALL the time! I never did get the other. We had a great sexual relationship and he always made sure I had a release, but as for other intimate behavior, he was hugely lacking in that department. We need to be hugged, and warmly touched on other parts. It's not all about the breasts. Near what ended up being near the end of our 21 years together, I found what I thought was a lump. All I could think about during that time frame of waiting for the results period is, "If I lost my breasts, since that's the only place he's only interested in touching me all time, would he still want me?"


----------



## MountainRunner

bfree said:


> I love it when my wife objectifies me.


Me too. I even told her once that anytime she wants me to be her "boy toy" all she has to do is say the word. *grin*


----------



## anonfrank

Completely normal. Your husband is into you, and apparently into your butt. Don't worry about it and enjoy the ride! If it bothers you, though, tell him. My wife and I actively communicate during our (also vanilla) sex and that improves things for both of us.

As for the topic at hand, I was into my wife's breasts too, but early into our marriage she lost one to breast cancer and the other to prophylactic mastectomy to prevent breast cancer because of strong family history. reconstruction failed because of radiation damage to the remaining chest tissue. Luckily I'm a butt guy too. My wife is still beautiful to me and I make sure she hears that.


----------



## doobie

My husband hardly ever touches my breasts, even on the rare occasions we have sex. Last time we had sex, he squeezed one of them and that was the first time he'd touched either of them in more than 6 months. In the early days of our relationships, he used to grab one of them and squeeze it till it hurt. I complained about it hurting and he stopped touching them at all. It's not that I don't like having them touched, I really do, I just don't like having them abused. When he squeezes them it's more painful than a mammogram.


----------



## Extraordinary Way

A few times a week.


----------



## frusdil

"How often does your husband try and touch your breasts?"

NOT OFTEN ENOUGH! Rofl! :rofl:


----------



## blahfridge

This thread has struck a chord with me. My H and I was unofficially separated now and a big part of the reason began with our sex life. He used to grope me whenever he could, to the point that I got self-conscious being topless or naked around him. I think if his actions had been coupled with some real caring and love and fun, it wouldn't have bothered me. 

Reading all the posts from the guys who love to touch their women's breasts made me feel a bit guilty. But, then I saw the word objectify and it brought it all back to me. My H didn't show any respect or caring in other aspects of our life together, in fact he down right ignored me and lavished all his affection on the kids and the dog. He had no interest in doing things with me alone, no nice dinners out, just the two of us, no hand holding and cuddling. He only wanted me in the bedroom and would get very angry if I didn't put out. Never mind that it was in the middle of the night and I had to get up with small children, was breast-feeding, multiple pregnancies and miscarriages, with all the accompanying hormonal changes that happen for women at that stage of life. He had zero sympathy and tenderness toward me, it was all about his needs. 

So he ended up cheating with five women over the course of almost a decade. I really struggled with feelings of guilt over this, like if I had tried harder to fake wanting him, to let him touch my breasts more often, then he wouldn't have done what he did. But now I know it wasn't about me, it was his issues, which included abusing alcohol and an addiction to porn. 

To the OP, you can only go with what feels right to you and if you don't like your H grabbing your breasts all the time, he should respect your feelings about it. Sex is a two way give and take, no one should feel that they have to submit to something that makes them uncomfortable. Your husband sounds a lot like mine, unwilling to really listen to you. Now my H wants to be with me again, says he now loves me, and wants to work things out. But, I can't get past the cheating and maybe you can't either. Maybe, subconsciously, that is interfering with your ability to enjoy having your H touch your breasts. Perhaps, if it was coming from a man you truly trusted, then you would be able to feel relaxed enough to enjoy it. We can lie to ourselves about many things in a marriage and most of us do, but when it comes to sex, it's hard to fake feeling truly connected.


----------



## bfree

blahfridge, pardon me for saying this but whether your husband groped you or not is just not that important in comparison to how badly you were treated. I "grope" my wife all the time but she knows it's because I love her, I desire her and my love language is touch. She is not naturally a touchy feely person but she has incorporated "touch" into her core being just as I have taken permanent steps to ensure that her love language of quality time is never overlooked. If your husband wants to reconcile your relationship and you find yourself willing to give it another go ask yourself if your husband has done anything to change his core personality and address any of the problems that led to the downfall of the marriage. Ask him what actions he has taken to change himself permanently so that he can be a better partner going forward.


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening all, 
there is a very important difference between groping and intimate touches or playful touches.

A lot of it has to do with attitude. Are you grabbing a "body part" or touching your lover. 

I'm not exactly sure how to define the difference, but I think it is clear when it happens.


----------



## samyeagar

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all,
> there is a very important difference between groping and intimate touches or playful touches.
> 
> A lot of it has to do with attitude. Are you grabbing a "body part" or touching your lover.
> 
> I'm not exactly sure how to define the difference, but I think it is clear when it happens.


I imagine this has more to do with the touchee than the toucher...


----------



## vellocet

My x-wife complained that I touched her too much, tried to initiate affection too much. So I stopped. I was an ahole for stopping the affection then too 

Couldn't win


----------



## ConanHub

This thread made me realize that I actually touch Mrs. Conan's knockers a LOT!!! Like every time I see her, several times a day. She is almost always being "massaged". &#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bfree

samyeagar said:


> I imagine this has more to do with the touchee than the toucher...


Yup, just like Justice Potter said "I'll know it when I see it."


----------



## michzz

If I brush against my wife she says, "watch out buddy, they're loaded!" clearly liking it.

If I did that to my ex-wife she'd move away and act like she'd been attacked by a stranger in the library.


----------

