# Irrational spending



## Emj (Jun 8, 2021)

My husband has always been notorious for making poor decisions with money. 

When I try to get involved to help or look for ways to help us save he finds me annoying. 

When I had to temporarily shut my business down during lockdown, he purchased a 400 dollar gold club when I was running through my savings. 
A year ago our electric bill was at 800 dollars and I had no idea, until they came to turn it off. I paid it, luckily I was making good money then. Now I am just starting to get afloat, have backed sales tax I owe because he convinced me to file wrong as a service, as didn't claim sales tax because he was convinced since I don't offer a product or good that I didn't have to charge. I should had looked further into it, I trusted him and screwed myself now. I owe over 10k in sales tax, luckily not federal. Now we owe $1500 for our electric bill, I decided to open the junk pile he stashed mail on his "work bench" in the garage. 

He spends 15 to 20 a day on food/snacks
Blows money on kratom and nicotine vapes and super unhealthy energy drinks. I think this is unfair to our 2 daughters. We aren't putting anything away unless I work more, I just got a side job to help out but I plan to pay off my tax debt, then finally my student loans I have had to put on pause for a near decade due to having to stay home for 5 years with my oldest who had medicinal complications since she was a newborn. 

He refuses to do anything but be a cdl a truck driver, yet is running on empty with sleep, rarely eats a vegetable and refuses to workout. He will ride an electric skateboard from time to time and tells me he works out at work. His stomach is huge, which is a bad sign for heart health, he sounds like he has apnea but won't get checked, he is almost 7 years older and I fear I will be stuck taking care of him. I want to be independent and work more yet our kids are my world, when I do work full time my business can do pretty good, I could potentially make more than him, yet I am low on energy after a year of homeschooling 2 grade levels, I can't stay up late like I used to. When I was young I stayed up until 4am working and was up by 8am with my kids. I am a night person by nature yet 1am is my cutoff today. 

I have always paid for all vacations, extra expenses and trips. Down payments on our home, let him build his credit and put my once good credit on the back burner to now have run it down. If he would consider a different career or business opportunity I would be willing to stay but at this point I am dieing inside watching him run himself to the ground. I know we could team up and both work equally and provide a good life for our kids but his spending habits and lack of savings, lack of energy to make hood choices has me burnt out. I feel like filing for a legal separation, I want him to know how serious I am that this is not what I sighed up for. I've put up with this lifestyle for over 10 years and am convinced he's comfortable and too tired to make ant changes now, while I am ready to push harder with my business and side job which is a summer job since he isn't able to actually be present with our kids in the evenings. He is for the most part a lazy dad when he is home, he plays with the kids on hus terms but getting them to clean up their messes, take responsibility..as they are older kids now and capable, I an a broken record who wants consistency, kids need it to an extent to learn healthy habits. For years he hardly brushed his teeth and his mom was a dental hygienist growing up. I now have sever add or adhd, it seems to be an anxiety response. He has burnout and add and is extremely cluttered, never wants to communicate and I am no longer sexually interested in him and sex is super important to me. I work out everyday, take care of myself and our kids and am just at a loss. I feel guilty but I've been trying to convince myself to keep pushing for years and it just feels too heavy anymore. I want a break, not necessarily a divorce but truly think he needs to realize how much he is putting on the back burner, it's going to burn us all pretty soon. I'm not perfect yet certainly feel living a lie is killing us. I am blunt at times, I say when I need help with parenting. Often when he is too tired I end up telling him the judge would order him to do more if we shared custody. 

I'm lost.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

One thing is for sure, he will not change until he is ready to change. Like a friend of mine said, "Nothing will change your life like one little heart attack." Perhaps filing for divorce will get his attention. It's been 10 years and nothing else has worked. In the meantime, make sure you have a good life insurance policy on him.


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## memyselfandI4 (Jul 6, 2021)

Kratom is the equivalent of Opium - he's a drug addict even if he doesn't know it. Switch your thinking, what would you do if he was a crack or meth addict. Do that. Personally, I wouldn't let an addict pay the bills - my mother made that mistake and we lost our home and she nearly died trying to work two jobs to keep us feed and shelter. Chemicals like Kratom (advertised as relaxing but way more complicated than that) and nicotine have mind-altering effects on people and their judgment is bad, and he's mixing them. I don't know what your next steps should be, but if you keep putting up with it - it will get worse.


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## Emj (Jun 8, 2021)

memyselfandI4 said:


> Kratom is the equivalent of Opium - he's a drug addict even if he doesn't know it. Switch your thinking, what would you do if he was a crack or meth addict. Do that. Personally, I wouldn't let an addict pay the bills - my mother made that mistake and we lost our home and she nearly died trying to work two jobs to keep us feed and shelter. Chemicals like Kratom (advertised as relaxing but way more complicated than that) and nicotine have mind-altering effects on people and their judgment is bad, and he's mixing them. I don't know what your next steps should be, but if you keep putting up with it - it will get worse.


We have been discussing separation. He knows how I feel now and I am working as much as I can with kids home for summer to contribute to utilities, groceries and all kids expenses such as birthdays, camps and doctors appts etc. Vet bills, all tbat he wouldn't pay for.

I am so depressed. He keeps everything in and won't talk to me. I use cannabis to relax but, yet barely used it in a week. I don't spend more than 40 a month on it sometimes longer time. I quit drinking recently too, I only had 2 to 3 drinks a week but need to be more clear minded lately, he spends 40 a week on kratom and nicotene sticks. He won't take care of himself. He broke down crying he is too tired to do this anymore. I have a best friend who works for a divorce attorney and lawyers office. I am setting up a separation consultation.


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