# How to convince wife to work?



## HopefulHusband8 (Feb 11, 2015)

I've heard so many stories of wives pulling the old switcharoo. 

"Of course I'll work when we're married honey!"

Nope.

They just want to stay at home and live the retired life. Let's face it though. If you don't have kids, there's really no reason to have a stay at home wife. All the cleaning and cooking and errands can be knocked out together in a couple hours on the weekend. 

My brother was recently victim to this switcharoo and it eats at him. He makes good money but he's in a very unstable industry. It would relieve a lot of financial pressure to have his wife work and he's told her that but she refuses to get a job. If he decides to divorce, it will obviously hurt him financially so he's in a bit of a bind. 

Obviously you can't force your wife to work and he's tried his best to communicate his feelings but he's in a bit of a catch 22. 

Does anybody have any experience convincing their wife to get a job?

I think part of the reason why this happened is because the wife still believes in traditional values in a sense so if he asks for financial help, it makes the husband less of a man in her eyes since he can't provide but let's face it, we don't live in the 50s anymore. Job security does not exist. 

Both partners need to pull their weight unless one of them makes millions of dollars.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

It sounds like he is doing a good job of supporting her on his salary. It doesn't sound like he has a lot of confidence in himself if he is so worried he will loose his job. He can't force her to get a job. She has to want a job or she won't be a good employee. When she gets pregnant and has a baby then her "job" is to be a Mom.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

Your brother can pay for just the bare necessities and give his wife no spending money. No cable TV, no internet, nothing which might occupy her time during the day. It might convince her to get a job if she wants something.

If they have no kids and have been married fewer than ten years, she wouldn't be eligible for alimony.

Another option is to have an attorney draw up a post-nuptial agreement.

IamSomebody


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

HopefulHusband8 said:


> My brother was recently victim to this switcharoo and it eats at him. He makes good money but he's in a very unstable industry. It would relieve a lot of financial pressure to have his wife work and he's told her that but she refuses to get a job. If he decides to divorce, it will obviously hurt him financially so he's in a bit of a bind.


How long has your brother been married to his wife?

How long had they been married when she quit working?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

It's called financial negligence and your brother's wife is using him.

I would not enable that kind of behavior and tell her she either starts working or it's time for divorce.

I can understand if kids are involved and couple decides to raise the kids/full time stay at home parent. 

Outside of that, I wouldn't put up with it AT ALL. 

Your brother is being taken advantage of....by his "loved one".

That's not love, quite opposite if you ask me.

"Actions speak louder than words"


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

IamSomebody said:


> Your brother can pay for just the bare necessities and give his wife no spending money. No cable TV, no internet, nothing which might occupy her time during the day. It might convince her to get a job if she wants something.
> 
> If they have no kids and have been married fewer than ten years, she wouldn't be eligible for alimony.


This is the answer if he has exhausted options to discuss this with his wife. 

But this is also only addressing the symptom, not the root cause(s) or finding a solution. Your bother has a choice, address the issue head on, putting all his feelings on the table. Seek counseling and try to work on the root cause. How his wife reacts to this may determine his course of action moving forward. If she is going to hide behind the veil of "traditional values" I would have call BS. That died with the rise of the feminists. Not all women are feminists, I will agree, but if you want to be equal, you have to be willing to jump in with both feet.

OR he needs to seek a divorce laywer now and discuss his options. Also make sure he searches the internet for his states statutes so he knows what to expect in a divorce. If the marriage has been short with no kids, the financial pain will be short duration. Worst case is that he lives in a community property state and will have to give up half his stuff and pay a couple of years of alimony.

And for goodness sakes, make sure he is using protection! The last thing he needs in this situation is to have a child.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Well what was discussed prior to marriage? Was her plan to be a stay at home wife all along?


I can't fathom ts scenario. you marry and then a week later she just up and quits her job without any discussion. If that really went down that way I can only imagine my response would be either find a new job or a lawyer


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## Mr.D.E.B.T. (Jul 19, 2012)

There are a lot of unknown factors in this situation, so I only have a limited response. Instead of telling her to go find a job, how about asking her about what she enjoys to do? Jobs often suck, but careers are more rewarding and a better place to start this conversation. She has to like to do something outside of the house.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I wish my wife never worked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Oddly enough in my social group the norm is for the woman to stay home and the man has to support her completely. You are kind of looked down upon if you work, like your man isn't good enough to support you alone.

Only two of my married girlfriends work, (neither have children and will quit once they do) and I know over a dozen that have NEVER had a job. 

In fact, one of my friends was a frequent dumpster diver to get food, and thought nothing of it. I'm like really, you'd rather eat garbage than get a job... :scratchhead: Even worse when she has a house full of guests and she is proudly proclaiming the orange juice you are currently drinking she found just yesterday. Ew. 


I resent the fact that my social group expects my soul purpose in life to be sitting at home and popping out babies. Ha. I could be classified as a busy bee or a workaholic, so not have a job to do would drive me crazy! It's different if you have several children, but I have no idea what a stay at home wife would do all day.


I currently have a good career which I work from home mostly, I'm in a fast pace towards climbing up the ladder, and it won't be long before I start making more than my husband. I plan to keep working once I have children, which will be easy since I work from home. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if my husband went down to part time some day and took over the lions share of house duties and child rearing. He hates work, and I'm not much for children, so it seems like a good compromise. 

Personally I would be so bored, and turn into a lazy slug if I had nothing to do all day. I just don't get what is so appealing about it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"Even worse when she has a house full of guests and she is proudly proclaiming the orange juice you are currently drinking she found just yesterday. Ew."

Okay, I'll ask: How often do you dine at your friend's place? Never would be my bet. Surprised she even has friends.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

I'm a woman and I don't understand this either. If there are no children in the marriage, what in the world is she doing all day? You can only clean your house but so much & cooking for 2 should not be an all day affair (unless you butcher your own animals).

If I were your brother, I would first seek out legal counsel on divorce. I would learn about my rights & my wife's. I would even go & see several lawyers (most give a free initial consultation) just to make sure I am well informed. Then, I would seek out a marriage counselor & make an appointment for the both of us. Once I've selected a marriage counselor & a lawyer that I feel comfortable with, I would make the following announcement to my spouse:

"Wife, it seems like there are some real fundamental problems in our marriage that we need 3rd party help with. I have made an appointment with a marriage counselor on (insert date here) at (insert time here). I fully expect for you to come to the counseling appointment with me and participate. If you refuse counseling in order to work on our marriage, here is my laywer's business card - we can make an appointment to discuss the dissolution of our marriage."

Simple as that.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

A big mistake men in this position make is they don't know when to cut their losses. Your brother's wife is lazy, and he is afraid divorce because of finances. Except that the longer he hangs in the more it's going cost. Cut your losses when you realize your wife thinks it's her right to be supported by you and pay what it costs. It's only going to get more expensive and waste years of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

HopefulHusband8 said:


> I've heard so many stories of wives pulling the old switcharoo.
> 
> "Of course I'll work when we're married honey!"
> 
> ...


I'm a wife that works - our rent would not get paid otherwise. My husband is the one that doesn't do a great deal of work. We both work from home and it's my income that keeps us going on a day to day, month to month basis. If we relied on my husband's income we would have lost the roof over our heads by now. My husband earns on a sporadic basis and is adept at putting off the work (and so the income) until he feels like doing it. However, I have to work on a regular basis to ensure that we have enough to pay the rent and to live on. I've just handed over all the rent this month and have nothing left for myself - waiting til I get paid next week to buy some food and living out of the freezer/cupboard until then. However, my husband has a job in process, has spent the past week watching TV but managed to put the food shopping (for himself) onto his credit card (which will be paid by his father). In the supermarket, I was acutely conscious that his father would pay the bill eventually so I only put in a large bag of cereal while he put in chocolate, biscuits, fizzy drinks and a load of other non essential items that he can't seem to do without. Not all wives are taking advantage of their husbands' good natures.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Ah.. the couch and bon-bons. Soups on yet? Price is Right was awesome today. 

Personally I would get bored if I was a housewife with no kids. I would need to find something. Even if it was volunteer work. 

What is she doing all day other than finding ways to spend money that appears to be handed over without issue?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

doobie said:


> Not all wives are taking advantage of their husbands' good natures.


Nor did anyone in this thread suggest they do. But hey, your situation awful. Hope you get it sorted.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Personally I would be so bored, and turn into a lazy slug if I had nothing to do all day. I just don't get what is so appealing about it.


 I remember when I 1st quit working to have the baby.. I felt this way.. I had to throw myself into something.. even when the baby came, we kept at it.. we started making wooden calendars.. something I bought at a craft show...I told my husband... "We can do that!!".... then we sold a bunch the next year at the next craft show.. but then it died down.. and I wasn't bored anymore.. 

Lots of these threads popping up with Brand new members, makes me wonder..

I would hope a couple took enough time to really talk about *what was expected* before getting married....and that both honor that. If I was the man and this happened to me, when she knew this wasn't something you'd be Ok with.. you have every right to be very upset with her ... I don't know of any women who stay home without a child or 2...

I don't feel one has to be a millionaire (spoken in jest) to make it on one income though.. come on now... If a couple is frugal , even making less than 6 figures.. you'd be amazed how well they can do.. though if you are expecting to buy a million dallor house, take lavish vacations.. shoes that cost $200+ a pair, new sports cars and the like.. yeah.. that wouldn't be working so well.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I hope your brother is at least getting laid by his wife. After all we all have jobs to do, don't we?

But then again my old lady said " if you marry me I will always wear mini skirts and tube tops"....finding work was never even mentioned!


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

I would simply put a time limit on her getting a job and if she didn't do it, I'd divorce her.

There is no way I'd be supporting someone who refused to earn a living if that was the agreement going in. Its dishonest, its a betrayal and its unacceptable.

And the longer he stays with someone too lazy to get off their butt and earn a living, the longer he's going to be paying alimony to an ex-wife.

If she'll betray him on this issue, what else will she do? There's NO WAY I'd be taking any chance on impregnating someone of this caliber. Tell him to get rid of her quick!


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

"If you don't get a job, I will have to turn off the electricity. Then the water. Then we will enjoy ramen noodles three times a week"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here is some interesting data....

"Women's participation in the labor force accounted for 57.2 percent of the working age women population in 2013, compared to 69.7 percent participation rate for men"

It's surprising even how many men do not work.


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## bastian36 (Feb 11, 2015)

Here's the best possible advice to this: Get divorced and get a better wife.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

Old-fashioned, I know, but if I couldn't support my family (children or not), I would NOT get married - end of story.

Not saying it's applicable here, but I do know a good number of guys who essentially married for a larger total income. 

One of them just got married in 2013. He was REALLY surprised when he had to reach WAY deep in his wallet to pay income taxes. 

He found out that his wife was actually working for about sixty cents on the dollar, and that made him realize that home-cooked meals, a spotless home to be proud of, his life being pampered and his wife not being bushed from work were all worth the other 40 cents!

It's much easier for a wife to greet you at the door in a nightie when she hasn't just finished a 40 minute commute!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Does she even greet him in bed in a T shirt? Maybe she stays up playing online games and social media.

How much housework does he do?

My brother and SIL have had a full time live in nanny maid for the entire time that my nephew and niece were growing up. They'll both be at college soon. My SIL has worked intermittently through the years. My brother lost his job with a merger. They lived on savings for three years before he got a new job. They are well to do but have gone through uncertainty.

My SIL is not lazy. She is very active in charity and extracurricular activities for my nephew and niece. She is ver neurotic in OCD fashion. She never goes on any trip without packing enormous suitcases full of stuff that will never be used. She washes and cleans so that you cannot relax. She would never cheat. She is always anxious. Hey, she's my brother's wife. His choice. None of my business.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
as far as I'm concerned, chores / work should be split. If one person doesn't work, they do all the chores, take care of the kids, etc.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I'm a victim of the switcharoo but I blame myself. I allowed it to go on far too long utnil it was too late. She got a job after we married and worked 8 years until we had our first child. She became a SAHM and we agreed once our kids were in school full time, she'd go back to work part time. We had another child and when that one started school my stbx "changed her mind". That child is in the 6th grade now. For the life of me I don't know how my stbx looks at herself in the mirror every day. Every woman in her family and mine always worked full time but somehow she thinks it's her lot in life to have zero responsibility. She even sends me text telling me when our account balance is low, which happens every 2 weeks because I'm supporting 4 people and 3 animals on one income.

It would be different if she pulled her weight in the marriage but she doesn't. It's 70/30. I had enough and filed. Now she can do it on her own. What angers me the most is she'd rather get divorced and break up our family instead of honoring her vows.


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

BeachGuy said:


> I'm a victim of the switcharoo but I blame myself. I allowed it to go on far too long utnil it was too late. She got a job after we married and worked 8 years until we had our first child. She became a SAHM and we agreed once our kids were in school full time, she'd go back to work part time. We had another child and when that one started school my stbx "changed her mind". That child is in the 6th grade now. For the life of me I don't know how my stbx looks at herself in the mirror every day. Every woman in her family and mine always worked full time but somehow she thinks it's her lot in life to have zero responsibility. She even sends me text telling me when our account balance is low, which happens every 2 weeks because I'm supporting 4 people and 3 animals on one income.
> 
> It would be different if she pulled her weight in the marriage but she doesn't. It's 70/30. I had enough and filed. Now she can do it on her own. What angers me the most is she'd rather get divorced and break up our family instead of honoring her vows.


Sadly, your story is not unique. Both my friend and business partner are going through the same thing. Their wives became comfortable with the lifestyle without the riggers of a job. Both have kids that are off to college or about ready to go off to college. My friend is in the middle of a divorce and my business partner is going to divorce his wife as soon as the youngest kid finishes up college.


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