# Persuing our fantasy to invovel others



## HMTX (Aug 20, 2015)

On one hand I'm excited, the others I am scared that it will hurt our marriage and sex life. I need advice from people who have done this. has it positively or negatively effected your relationship? 
Is it bad that when we are not in the heat of the moment, I am really analyzing all the things that could go wrong. I just want to protect our marriage and be able to make our fantasies come true. is this even possible?


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## HMTX (Aug 20, 2015)

I ment involve** please pardon typo?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You will probably get more and better advice on a swinger forum.

If you have done your research, you already know the pitfalls.

If you have decided to proceed and are still asking these questions then I would suggest stopping your plans until you have researched this subject until you're sick of it.

Swinging is a minefield of disastrous problems on many levels.

There is only a small percentage of the population that is even wired to find this lifestyle doable.

Have you considered the impact it could have on your children?

Are you still of childbearing age?

Do you plan on having more children?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I often have threesomes with Me, Myself, & I! It gets insanely crazy and can leave me fairly soar afterwards, so just be sure you don't have strenuous work to do right after.

My wife once wanted to join in, but once she saw what all Me, Myself, and I had going on she freaked out, but we think she will come around to it one of these days. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

HMTX said:


> On one hand I'm excited, the others I am scared that it will hurt our marriage and sex life. I need advice from people who have done this. has it positively or negatively effected your relationship?
> Is it bad that when we are not in the heat of the moment, I am really analyzing all the things that could go wrong. I just want to protect our marriage and be able to make our fantasies come true. is this even possible?


It takes a big commitment to non-judgmental honesty, both the willingness to BE honest and the ability to not freak out with implied meanings when your partner is honest with you. 

I recommend Opening Up by Tristan Tarantino.


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## HMTX (Aug 20, 2015)

The exact thing we were thinking was to start off with sex in a room with another couple but no cheating of any kind. 
it did all start when he found a porno that really turned me on and there was one guy with two girls. I told him I would NEVER be ok with him touching another person sexually.He said he wouldn't either but maybe we could have a girl do things to me while he is f-ing me. 

I want to, but I am concerned it won't stop there. I have expressed my concerns to him, but he feels I am getting too controling and taking away from the experience it is meant to be. we have argued a little too and we hardly ever argue these days. and the culprit seems to be my over research and analysing.


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## HMTX (Aug 20, 2015)

Ok, after serious thought I know in my gut this isn't going to happen. thanks to this sight I was able to learn this about myself. I have let my husband know and although I know he is let down, he has responed well. NOT 100% ideally but I'll take it.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

I could never watch a dude bang my wife, nor would I want another couple in the room. However, we've taken a few trips to some strip clubs where the dancer has danced "for her" and it has been a BLAST!!! She wants me to have sex with a stripper but I won't take that risk. No way. She can, but not me.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

FANTASY is exactly that and it should stay that way for a reason.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

HMTX said:


> The exact thing we were thinking was to start off with sex in a room with another couple but no cheating of any kind.
> it did all start when he found a porno that really turned me on and there was one guy with two girls. *I told him I would NEVER be ok with him touching another person sexually*.He said he wouldn't either but maybe we could have a girl do things to me while he is f-ing me.
> 
> I want to, but *I am concerned it won't stop there*. I have expressed my concerns to him, but he feels I am getting too controling and taking away from the experience it is meant to be. we have argued a little too and we hardly ever argue these days. and the culprit seems to be my over research and analysing.


We have done these things and had a great time with it all. We've met many other couples who have done the same, successfully. And we've met many couples who were taking their first steps into swinging as well.

Invariably, if both people in the couple are not completely committed to pursuing this, it does not work, and often leads to problems Considering the bolded parts, you are NOT ready, and probably never will be. I advise you - just like I've advised some of those other new couples we've met - to simply say no and stick to it. You don't have to justify it, or explain yourself - just say it will not work for you and you want him to drop it and not pressure you. If you are firm and consistent, he should hear you and respect your choice (it may take a few repetitions, but don't change your mind for him).

Unless your relationship is very solid, you are both highly committed to each other, and primarily wants what is best for your partner _based on what THEY think is best for themselves_, it won't work. If you have all that AND have little jealousy or possessiveness, or can readily control those feelings, it can work. I don't think you're there.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

HMTX said:


> The exact thing we were thinking was to start off with sex in a room with another couple but no cheating of any kind.
> it did all start when he found a porno that really turned me on and there was one guy with two girls. I told him I would NEVER be ok with him touching another person sexually.He said he wouldn't either but maybe we could have a girl do things to me while he is f-ing me.
> 
> I want to, but I am concerned it won't stop there. I have expressed my concerns to him, but he feels I am getting too controling and taking away from the experience it is meant to be. we have argued a little too and we hardly ever argue these days. and the culprit seems to be my over research and analysing.



My wife and I have also explored the MFF path but opted to leave the fantasy as a fantasy. The reality is that there are too many potential pitfalls so we decided against it. It's fun to talk about together and it was fun to investigate but in the end, we really felt like the real thing was likely to be worse than our fantasy of it.

We've also been to a strip club together and had fun so there are other things you and your husband can do that you would likely find much less threatening.

Another option, if having another couple see you is a big deal, is to use web cam. That way you can experience the rush of it, if that's what you're looking for, without the possibility of it escalating to anything physical.

Anyway, it sounds like you've already decided against it but there are other ways to involve one another in fantasies or pseudo fantasies without one partner feeling threatened or uncomfortable.


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

HMTX said:


> Ok, after serious thought I know in my gut this isn't going to happen. thanks to this sight I was able to learn this about myself. I have let my husband know and although I know he is let down, he has responed well. NOT 100% ideally but I'll take it.


This MFF scenario between you two isn't over. One of you will bring it up again soon. At this point, this encounter is just going to marinate in your head as well as marinate in his. You need to have a lot of communication about every aspect. If you already had someone in mind, or he had someone in mind... then the attraction to this other person isn't going away anytime soon. Do lots of research. Take advice ONLY from couples who have the experience, otherwise you'll be asking for advice from someone with as much prior experience as you have.


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## LainyLove22 (Aug 22, 2015)

So much can go wrong when involving another person in one's bed.

If you have this fantasy it's probably best to keep it in your head and not share. Some things are just better off not being said out loud in my opinion :wink2:


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