# How to control anger?



## hockeychic20 (Mar 22, 2009)

I need help...

I get so angry at my husband for the dumbest things. I do not know how to communicate effectively. I just let thngs bother me, bottle them up inside, and then just explode. I say mean things tomy husband that I don't really mean but I say them at the time to hurt him. I don't want to hurt my husband and I don't know how to control my anger issues.

He is suggesting counsling, but I know when I get in there, I won't talk. It is so hard for me to open up and I have some major trust issues.

Is our marriage doomed?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

well your marriage could be doomed, if you dont seek help.
im only saying - but do you think your depressed. 
my H had anger issues for 13 yrs. it got to much for us as a family.
then he decided to go to his gp, who said he was depressed. 
he was put on medication and has i be honest a different man , when it comes to aggression/ anger.
after a short while on the medication - he did become zombie like, there are side effects.but when he came of them, he ws and has remained much improved.
i suggest a trip to your doctor, just to talk and maybe open up.
fact here is, your willing to acknowledge your issues. 
youve already broken your own barriers .
youve made a huge start already.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

hockeychic20 said:


> He is suggesting counsling, but I know when I get in there, I won't talk. It is so hard for me to open up and I have some major trust issues.


Want to tell us more about the major trust issues? I was once a very angry person. It was a horrible world to live in. From my personal experience, I strongly recommend individual counseling.
I have been going to counseling for 8 months now and the world is a much brighter place. We really got to the bottom of the anger--and what caused it. I had no idea I had been living with a narasistic person all these years. Furthermore, I had no idea he actually enjoyed sending me into a anger rage. A great counselor can help you determine if the anger is originating from you or if it is a reaction to something. You can then learn how to effectively handle the problem.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I struggle with my temper, too. im doing a lot better but i do say things to my H. and to be honest i really think he deserves it a lot of times, but i guess that is part of the problem. 

Ive done a lot of things to cool my temper. Ive gone to individual counseling, read books (Seat of the Soul is a good one), gone to alanon groups, done boundary books, read about anger. all of those things really helped. my communication wasnt the problem. i was communicating loud and clear how i felt. it was what i was feeling that was the problem. 

One night when i was really going into a rage i went to an emergency counseling session instead. that was a turning point for me. the counselor told me that i was giving a lot of power to my H. and that really stuck with me for some reason. it is a lot of power to give one person.


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

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