# Support



## Skye1212 (Aug 23, 2018)

Hi ladies. I need some advice! My husband and I have been together 15 years. When we first started dating, I told him I wanted to join the military, he told me he could not guarantee he would be waiting for me after coming back. With that being said, I never pursued it. As the years passed, I always seemed to bring it up and I could tell he did not want me to. I chose him every time. I was and have not been feeling fulfilled with my career. Instead of I decided to be a fire fighter and he was not thrilled about it either. I started the program and ended up quitting, because of may reasons. I have always dreamed about having a federal job with a specific agency but never went for it because I didn’t feel like I was good enough. I tried talking to him about it but he was pretty annoyed I was considering a job that would require me to either relocate the family and be away. He says he loves is job and the people he works with, which I get. We moved to where we are living because his parents were moving, because we had a baby and it felt right. I am at a lost because I want to apply but if he knew he would be so upset. I am at a loss and feel completely heartbroken.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You’ve been dreaming all your life. Either **** or get off the pot.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Your husband is right.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I think you’re too late with that idea and need to find something else you’re enthusiastic about.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Skye1212 said:


> I am at a loss and feel completely heartbroken.


Unfortunately, that's what marriage brings. Losses, and heartbreaks. Not much else, only the dubious distinction of having to work your a$$ off to pay somebody else's way. There's no reward. Sorry.



Skye1212 said:


> I chose him every time.


I did too. I was raised to put responsibility before desires of life. I'm here now, at 69 years old, having only partial fulfillment of two careers. I fully recognize I could have been better at both of them, if I chose to shirk my responsibilities. But, I'm not sure that would have been the best thing to do, and I didn't believe it would be "right".

Only you can decide.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TJW said:


> Unfortunately, that's what marriage brings. Losses, and heartbreaks. Not much else, only the dubious distinction of having to work your a$$ off to pay somebody else's way. There's no reward. Sorry.


LOL, I honesty believe in years of reading boards this is the most cynical take on marriage I have ever read, and I have read some real harsh stuff. (slow clap)


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Why exactly are you at a loss and heart broken? Over a potential career you may or may not like?


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

Skye1212 said:


> Hi ladies. I need some advice! My husband and I have been together 15 years. When we first started dating, I told him I wanted to join the military, he told me he could not guarantee he would be waiting for me after coming back. With that being said, I never pursued it. As the years passed, I always seemed to bring it up and I could tell he did not want me to. I chose him every time. I was and have not been feeling fulfilled with my career. Instead of I decided to be a fire fighter and he was not thrilled about it either. I started the program and ended up quitting, because of may reasons. I have always dreamed about having a federal job with a specific agency but never went for it because I didn’t feel like I was good enough. I tried talking to him about it but he was pretty annoyed I was considering a job that would require me to either relocate the family and be away. He says he loves is job and the people he works with, which I get. We moved to where we are living because his parents were moving, because we had a baby and it felt right. I am at a lost because I want to apply but if he knew he would be so upset. I am at a loss and feel completely heartbroken.


Hi there! I will start with your dream to have a federal job with a specific agency. Why do you feel you are not good enough? I think I understand your husband's trepidation in regard to moving the family if you find a job fare from you live. Can you focus on finding and getting a federal job in your area? I would focus on just doing this. Look at the federal agencies in your area and look at the job listings on the website governmentjobs.com and start looking at the requirements of these jobs. If you don't fulfill the requirements, start on doing so. Get work experience in these areas, complete trainings for certificates, or get a career coach. You can also work with a temp hiring agency to work in temp jobs that will help prepare you for a federal job. My point is that if you have a dream, you need to pursue this dream by working on realizing it. You seem to stop halfway and then live in frustration because you feel that your husband and family are limiting your options. It doesn't have to go this way. You can fulfill your dream while still being responsible toward your family. It doesn't have to be either or. You can let your husband know that you need to realize yourself and find your dream job, but you also don't want to upset him by having the family relocate for a new job that you might find. Ask for his support and help, and this way you will be able to work toward your dream job without being afraid of upsetting him or making him relocate.
Usually when you relocate a family, it has to be the only solution or for a worthy outcome. If the spouse has a lucrative offer, or if it's the only option to live decently, etc. From your husband's perspective, a relocation is not necessary at this point because it seems he has a fulfilling career and you guys live next to his family. You need to explain to him that a fulfilling career is indispensable to your happiness, and you are willing to compromise if he helps you get a federal job without having to relocate. Work on it as a team. This is my suggestion. Good luck!


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