# love , but not in love ! advice from men and women please!



## sally702 (Mar 25, 2010)

please i want to hear from both men and women opinion !!!

I met this guys a sportsbook , we went to the same casino to watch the football game , as i have gotten to know him as a friend , he has expressed to me over a year and half , that hE LOVE HIS WIFE , BUT NOT IN LOVE WITH HER .! idk wtf he's trying to say ! is it even possible to be like that 

in the beginning I thought , he was trying to get with me , that was the only reason i could think of ! over the time frame of year and half . , 

we went out two times and and spoken on the phone maybe twice for about 6 hours , I gotten to know him , very sweet caring person , hes battles with depression , he told me everything that been going on with him and his wife ! he says , hes not in love iwth her , they dont' share the same interest and goal , they dont spend anytime together , days he work , she off, days she work hes off , over the years its seem his marriage is drifting from him . Hes been with her for over 9 years , 4 years of marriage ( no kids then ). she did so much for him , got him off drugs , waiting a year while he was in jail . he feels he OWES her , her family , and his family ! lets just say , IF its wasnt for her , he wouldn't be were he is today !!! a Sucessful man!...and yet ..Hes seems miserable ! 

what a dedicated man!! I admire the person he is ! with no kids and hes able to still stay around ! never quite met anyone like him !

now i have a dilemma !

I like him and had " thoughts " about him , he comes to my mind at lease once a day ! ..as i see my feelings for him is getting more and more intense... , Idk how to stop what these ****en feelings ! i tell myself , hes married , HELLO HELLO !


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## nappilymarried (Jun 25, 2008)

Here's some advice. Don't get romanticially involved with a married man. NOTHING GOOD will come of it.


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## FebStars (Jun 29, 2009)

Yeah if he's married and is talking about this stuff to you, which is not his wife, how trustworthy can he be in a relationship? 

I don't think he's dedicated. If he owes his wife anything, it would be the TRUTH about how he's meeting other women. 

To me, the bottom line: if he's in a marriage that he's not happy with, he should leave before trying to start a new relationship.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

don't get involved with a married man, if he isn't happy tell him to leave his wife first and then you could explore your feelings for each other. 
there are so many people on this site hurting because of that very situation where one spouse has an affair and hurts his partner.....no one deserves that, you won't feel good about yourself if you get involved in something like that.......
If he truly isn't happy he will leave his wife and move on. 
If he won't leave her and just wants a girlfriend on the side, what does that say about what kind of person he is......
Why would you even consider a relationship like that, there are lots of single men out there, pick one of them.....


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## NightOwl (Sep 28, 2009)

sally702 said:


> I like him and had " thoughts " about him , he comes to my mind at lease once a day ! ..as i see my feelings for him is getting more and more intense... , Idk how to stop what these ****en feelings ! i tell myself , hes married , HELLO HELLO !


I would cut off contact with him until he gets counseling and starts addressing the issues in his life and his marriage. 

There are a few scenarios:

1. You get involved with him and his wife finds out, he decides to leave you and work things out with her.

2. You get involved with him and his wife finds out, he decides to leave her to be with you.

3. You get involved with him, his wife doesn't find out, but the relationship doesn't go anywhere as a result.

Do any of these options really sound appealing? Do you think that anything you feel for this guy justifies contributing to tearing apart his family?

Also, a newsflash - most affairs exist in the "honeymoon" stage. Of course you are more exciting and fun than his wife, he's put her in a little box where she is an obligation. But if that's how he handles relationship stress, you could easily end up in the same box some day. Also it doesn't sound like a terrible marriage, just one where they are out of synch lifestyle and interest wise. He needs to commit to either fixing it or leaving. Choosing the "in between" options is for cowards and you don't want to be involved with someone at that low a point in their life.

His misery will eventually get to you, trust me.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

sally702~

The very first thing I'd say to you is that if you really do care about this man, you would be his TRUE friend and help him return to his marriage and learn how to find love and happiness there. He made a vow to his wife to be faithful only to her until death, and right now he is not giving all his affection and dedication to the one to whom it's due: HIS WIFE. 

Second, I would suggest that you tell him that as a true friend, you encourage him to discuss his unhappiness with his wife and that the two of them work it out. Turning to an outsider and telling a female outsider all his "woes" when he doesn't have the guts to face her is a recipe for disaster. 

Finally, tell him that effective today, as his true friend, that you will have no more contact with him ever. He's not to call, IM, email or try to see you. Tell him you're doing this as someone who cares enough for him that you would not encourage him to continue behavior that leads to an affair and you won't participate in that kind of activity. YOU are a more moral, lovely person than that and would only be with someone who is completely free to be with you. Again, encourage him to go to his wife to whom he made a promise to death...and work it out with her. Then say Goodbye and turn around and leave.


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