# Wife Jealous Of My Twin Sister?



## bogey (Feb 17, 2012)

basically I talk to my twin sister on the phone almost every day. we are very close and there is nothing we don't share. lately i've noticed the wife seems to be annoyed whenever i'm on the phone with her. she asks who it is and when i say its my sister she kind of gives me a dirty look and sighs as if to say 'again?'. I don't know why but I find this absolutely hilarious...what's she thinking? i'm having an affair with my sister?:scratchhead: she asked me the other day 'why do you talk to her so much? i'd appreciate it if you don't tell her all of our business'. to be honest, that kinda pissed me off; some people just can't understand the bond that twins have. she's possibly the only person in my life (besides my wife most of the time) that I can talk to, completely unfiltered.

is she just being insanely jealous for no reason or does she have a point here that I talk to my sister entirely too much?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Is talking to your sister every day more important than reassuring your wife that she is now the most important person in your life? When your wife starts withdrawing from you and dismissing your needs, you will feel it is unfair, right. You wont count this against yourself because you think her feelings are not worth your consideration. 

But what you fail to realize is that she is asking you to do something for her which is not outside of your capacity and responsibility to do. She is asking you to mature as a man and and husband and consider her the person you can rely on. Does your sister live with you, put up with your distancing antics and take care of household task, share in your life taking care of your needs the way your wife does? Suppose your wife left you, will talking to your sister every day make up for your wife's absence. 

I think that you are doing one of the classic things passive agressive people do - you do exactly the opisite to what people want you to do. Has this been a problem in your relations up till now? How is your marriage? 

It is a very easy thing to grow up and stop taliking to your sister every day, twin or not. Stop sharing personal things having to do with your relationship and talk to your wife. Develop some empathy and compassion for your wife. Become less self centered. The statement that she does not understand what it is like to have a twin shows the state of your mind. It shows a rather malicious childishness that is very off putting in a grown married man. 

Are you purposefully trying to make her jealous? Does it give a thrill to see her react jealously? You may have a bigger problem than you think or maybe you are not mentioning here. . You tell your wife how unimportant she is to you and can't ever have such a strong bond with someone as you do. 

You sound like a little boy not a mature man. You also sound as if you have a lot of anger and resentment towards your wife. You may not know it but your marriage is in trouble. The consequences may not be appearent now but you will feel the weight of what I think is foolishness. 

Grow up and think about what you are doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mom_In-Love (Mar 18, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Is talking to your sister every day more important than reassuring your wife that she is now the most important person in your life? When your wife starts withdrawing from you and dismissing your needs, you will feel it is unfair, right. You wont count this against yourself because you think her feelings are not worth your consideration. But what you fail to realize is that she is asking you to do something for her which is not outside of your capacity and responsibility to do. She is asking you to mature as a man and and husband and consider her the person you can rely on.
> 
> Does your sister live with you, put up with your distancing antics and take care of household task, share in your life taking care of your needs the way your wife does? Suppose your wife left you, will talking to your sister every day make up for your wife's absence.
> 
> ...


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Grow up. Stop talking to your sister so much. Stop telling your sister so many details about your private life with your wife. 

It does not matter that she is your twin. There are many stages in life and you both are not kids anymore. Right now, you are married and should consider your wife 100 times more than your sister.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

She has a point. You are talking to your sister entirely too much and oversharing.

Your attitude shows your marriage is in trouble. You've essentially said you don't care about your wife's needs only yours.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

I understand where you are coming from. This is a person that has been with you your whole life and knows everything about it. It's a special bond you have with her. The bond you have with your wife is a different bond. Maybe you can sit down and talk with your wife about what can be shared with your sister and how much time with her does your wife feel comfortable with. Set some boundaries that you both will be happy with.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Do you have a best male friend---that you are close to---how much time do you spend talking to him-----

Twins may have a tighter bond than normal siblings---but if you have other siblings do you spend as much time talking to them???

You are pushing it to the point of forcing your wife to openly make comments to you---she has made them, and you are still ignoring her, or pooh-poohing her----why did you get married???

If you got married---it is allegedly because you put your spouse 1st before anyone else, in this whole big wide world---and that includes your twin

Spending so much time with your twin---takes from the mge., and it bothers your wife---so you need to decide, who is more important, your wife or your twin----if it is to be your wife---then you need to respect her/accede to her wishes NOW!!!!!!


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Ok I don't think you need to grow up and are trying to make your wife jealous etc, nor are you acting like a "little boy". The comments here are really over the top. This happens a lot around here and it doesn't need to. Not everyone who comes here looking for advice needs to be attacked. 

In regards to your question, I talk to my best friend a lot and if it bothers my husband, I stay away for awhile. It's all about balance. If your wife's upset, she needs to come first. I would be the same. Cut the calls down, and don't share every detail of your life with your sister. Some things are private. By all means have your sister in your life, just not right in your life if you know what I mean.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

bogey said:


> basically I talk to my twin sister on the phone almost every day. we are very close and there is nothing we don't share. lately i've noticed the wife seems to be annoyed whenever i'm on the phone with her. she asks who it is and when i say its my sister she kind of gives me a dirty look and sighs as if to say 'again?'.* I don't know why but I find this absolutely hilarious...what's she thinking? i'm having an affair with my sister?:scratchhead: she asked me the other day 'why do you talk to her so much? i'd appreciate it if you don't tell her all of our business'. *to be honest, that kinda pissed me off; some people just can't understand the bond that twins have. she's possibly the only person in my life (besides my wife most of the time) that I can talk to, completely unfiltered.
> 
> is she just being insanely jealous for no reason or does she have a point here that I talk to my sister entirely too much?


Two points:

If you are getting emotional support from your sister that you should be going to your wife to get, that is a problem. It detracts from the emotional bond that you have with your wife. 

Which gets me to point number 2 - why are you not willing to respect your wife's need for some privacy about the marriage? It is not just your business, it is hers as well. If you continue to share that with your sister, your wife's natural (and completely understandable) reaction will be to share less with you. It is no different than refusing to share secrets with a friend that is notorious for blabbing. Your wife will only share information with you that she is comfortable also sharing with your sister. That creates a distance between you and your wife. Is that what you want?


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## bogey (Feb 17, 2012)

Angel5112 said:


> How many times are you talking to your sister per day? Are we talking just once per day for several hours, a few minutes, a few times per week, or several times per day?


on average, i'd say once a day for about a half-hour


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

I feel kind of bad for your wife. She needs to be the number one gal in your life. Your sis doesn't.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I understand the closeness of "twins", but I agree with others here that your wife must come 1st - before your sister. You will still be close with your sister, but closer with your wife.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's not what you think, but what your wife thinks that really matters.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

The actual person doesn't have to be your twin. It could be a close guy friend, your parents, whomever..the point is if you're oversharing personal information with another and your spouse doesn't like it, don't ignore it, don't mock it, don't find it amusing. Your wife obviously wants some information to be kept private. Why is that so hard to understand and respect?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Angel5112 said:


> If there any way you could do it when your wife isn't home? That way you still get time with your sister and your wife doesn't feel like a 2nd choice.


While a step in the right direction, I don't see this really helping. Right now, there are three people in the marriage. The wife is understandably upset that anything and everything she tells her husband can be expected to be communicated to his sister. There is no privacy in their marriage, in that a third party hears all of it. The OP's wife can't vent about a stupid thing his sister or mother or friend did, because his wife believes it will get back to his sister. 

That he dismisses these concerns as being insanely jealous communicates to his wife that his relationship with his sister is more important than his relationship with his wife.


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## bogey (Feb 17, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> *The actual person doesn't have to be your twin. It could be a close guy friend, your parents, whomever*..the point is if you're oversharing personal information with another and your spouse doesn't like it, don't ignore it, don't mock it, don't find it amusing. Your wife obviously wants some information to be kept private. Why is that so hard to understand and respect?


but it _is_ different when its your twin, that's what i'm trying to explain here...we have literally been inseparable since the day we were born, so in that sense she can read my mind and knows when things are bothering me. i know some things are sacred, but its tough to keep things from her. i think i'm just gonna have to cut down on the phone calls


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Well if she can literally read your mind then you don't have to call her. Problem solved! 

Look you and your twin aren't conjoined at the hip. You're two separate adult individual people. Sure you can have a close relationship with your sibling. No one is saying you can't. But you have to realize that you're putting your relationship with your sister ahead of your marriage. A little compromise from you won't cost your relationship with either woman.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

bogey said:


> but it _is_ different when its your twin, that's what i'm trying to explain here...we have literally been inseparable since the day we were born, so in that sense she can read my mind and knows when things are bothering me. i know some things are sacred, *but its tough to keep things from her.* i think i'm just gonna have to cut down on the phone calls


Be aware that you are effectively communicating that your sister is more important to you then your wife. You may not mean to, but I almost guarantee that is what your wife thinks. She wants some privacy, some intimacy that is between the two of you and not shared with your twin sister. If you can't or won't give that to her, be prepared for your wife to not share as many things with you. It will be a very natural reaction on her part.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> Well if she can literally read your mind then you don't have to call her. Problem solved!


dammit! you beat me to it


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Cut the cord, dude. Or you will be rooming with your sister.

I understand twins. My sisters are twins. And yet, they have cut the cord a bit to have their own families.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Bogey---30 minutes a day, each and every day---when are you gonna cut the chord------

You are a grown up man are you not---Twin or no twin---your sister is your sister not your wife---she is a sibling, and YOU DID NOT TAKE VOWS WITH HER

Why don't you also run back home mommy, and you can be under her protective wing also


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

This is for all those who are now gonna come on here and tell me I am mean nasty and bitter---NOT SO

This guy needs a wake up call, and a REALITY check---and many times it needs to be given in harsh, biting words

He has a wife, who should be 1st and he is spending way too much time with his sister---for all those who are gonna gripe at me ---1st you tell me who and many people you talk to for 30 min. each and every day of the year, unless it is your spouse or your children---and you know what some spouses don't even talk to each other for 30 minutes a day!!!!!


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## SteveG (Dec 13, 2010)

Move in with your sister and marry her...seriously, grow up.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> The one part of your post that bothers me is "there is nothing we don't share."
> Regardless of how close you are to your sis, there are some things that should be private between husband and wife. Perhaps she feels intimate details are being shared. Maybe she just doesn't feel your sis needs to know every detail of your lives together. I can see her point of view.
> 
> How much time do you spend on the phone everyday? Couldn't that time be better spent with your wife? Maybe she resents it.
> ...


ALL of this! :iagree:


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## Journeygirl (Mar 14, 2012)

bogey said:


> but it _is_ different when its your twin, that's what i'm trying to explain here...we have literally been inseparable since the day we were born, so in that sense she can read my mind and knows when things are bothering me. i know some things are sacred, but its tough to keep things from her. i think i'm just gonna have to cut down on the phone calls


Maybe something you should ask yourself...If you were giving your wife everything she needed (intimacy, respect, emotional support, etc) she wouldn't feel the way she is feeling. In other words, if her "cup was full" she wouldn't care who you talked to.

There are also some people who are very private. I am one of them. I would not want my hubby telling his sister ANY of our business. (And yes, this has been an issue for us in the past.) 

You really need to set some healthy boundaries for your sister.


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## jtut21 (Mar 21, 2012)

I have no doubt that you have a tremendous bond with your sister. However, I think that the issue is the amount of time that you spend speaking with her as well as the information you are telling her. Be more sensitive to both of these things just to keep the peace in your home. You can keep that bond with your sister but make sure that there is a balance with your spouse as well.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Journeygirl said:


> Maybe something you should ask yourself...If you were giving your wife everything she needed (intimacy, respect, emotional support, etc) she wouldn't feel the way she is feeling. In other words, if her "cup was full" she wouldn't care who you talked to.
> 
> There are also some people who are very private. I am one of them. I would not want my hubby telling his sister ANY of our business. (And yes, this has been an issue for us in the past.)
> 
> You really need to set some healthy boundaries for your sister.


That's very true. If she's happy she won't be bothered who you talk to or for how long. I used to feel very left out when my spouse would call his family when he would get home and the reason was because I always ended up being the last to know about things. I would find out 'news' or incidents that happened to him from other people or when he talked on the phone with his family. That made me feel like I was the last on his list. 
So your wife feels like you leave her out and you possibly share too much with your sister regarding your marriage. I also don't get what there would be to talk about for 30 min every single day...doesn't it ever get boring or awkward?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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