# Im having a realy hard time



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Hi all, 

Im crippled by the depression this stupid separation is causing me. Im sick to my stomach and although I am happier without him, realty is sinking in and I keep wondering how I am going to make this work financially... 

I applied to my program at school and wont now anything until april. I have applied for childcare assistance to start working again. Im having a really had time with everything. I know I need counseling but I honestly do not see that as an option right now because I am stuck with the kids all day. 

When will I see the light? When will all this guilt about breaking my marriage up going to go away. Trust me I know you all are right.... takes two to make it and one to break it, but I feel guilt because of my belief in Jesus, my belief in marriage, and most of all because maybe I didn't do enough.... although there isn't much I can do for his insecurity or jealousy, I keep asking myself, what could I have done differently? His complaints about me are valid, I do have a temper, and I do scream and shout whn I really don't mean too but I get overwhelmed with energy and I snap. He also doesn't tae responsibility for his actions.... 

present example: during this separation the money has been under his control. He was supposed to pay the bills. HE said he did so, ad left on his business trip. I believed it, trusted him, but sure enough no of the damn bills were paid. Im sure he forgot. Im sure he got distracted and just forgot, but still he could have just taken responsibility and apologized, instead my bills are late and he says that its no big deal, that he will pay them when he gets in.... It feels to me that my feelings are not valid. And last time I checked, I thought having a responsible wife who liked to take care of things on time and not be late, would be a good quality to have. 8 years I paid everything on time, this one time he couldn't pay it at all... he separation isn't much of a separation, we had sex before he left. I felt guilty I allowed it and have only gotten worked up when he wouldn't call to check in. I know it sounds immature,but it is what it is, and I feel manipulated.... am I? or am I just mentally ill and takingthings outta context? Toxic relationship? or am I just the problem? So much to t all, Im overwhelmed. 

So I ask again, when will the positive out of this whole mess come through? because right now im starting to believe him again, and I really don't want to.


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## Thjor (Feb 18, 2014)

Need more information about the reason why you separated?


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## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Thjor said:


> Need more information about the reason why you separated?


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...lly-going-through-te-divorce-please-help.html

that's where one of my many threads is. Hes a dog... lol... plain and simple and the hard time I was having is now gone! I am totally fine with divorcing him. I'm done trying, im done with the guilt, im done with all the terrible feelings I WAS having. 

Also I apologize for not keeping one thread for you all to follow. Didn't realize that's the way it should be.


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