# Hello



## joshm (Feb 18, 2020)

Hi there - 
As my username suggests, my name is Josh. I'm 36 and my wife and I have been together for 13 years, and married one and a half. I've had issues for as long as I can remember with honesty, and have ruined the trust in our relationship more times than I can count. I came here looking for an outlet, as well as for advice on what I can do to make myself a better person, as generic as that sounds, and be a good husband for the woman that I love. 

I will be creating a post with a more "in-depth" story, but I'll leave the intro post at this.

I've been reading on the forums all evening, and I look forward to engaging in some helpful conversation here.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

What drives your dishonesty? What do you get out of it?


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## joshm (Feb 18, 2020)

Marduk said:


> What drives your dishonesty? What do you get out of it?


Most of the time it seems that it stems from "not wanting to disappoint." The lies can be literally ANYTHING from something incredibly small (blaming a fart on the dog) to huge (hiding that I didn't quit smoking, or hiding that I borrowed money from my dad a while back), but the commonality between them is not wanting her to be upset or disappointed (with obvious proportionality there to how upset she would be over those different levels of actions - it's not like she's going to leave me over a fart)


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

joshm said:


> Most of the time it seems that it stems from "not wanting to disappoint." The lies can be literally ANYTHING from something incredibly small (blaming a fart on the dog) to huge (hiding that I didn't quit smoking, or hiding that I borrowed money from my dad a while back), but the commonality between them is not wanting her to be upset or disappointed (with obvious proportionality there to how upset she would be over those different levels of actions - it's not like she's going to leave me over a fart)


Sounds like you value appearing good more than doing good.

How’s that working out for you?


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## joshm (Feb 18, 2020)

Marduk said:


> Sounds like you value appearing good more than doing good.
> 
> How’s that working out for you?


Not well Marduk, not well at all.... Hence why my journey landed me here, looking for answers, or at least some ideas on the path to answers...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

joshm said:


> Not well Marduk, not well at all.... Hence why my journey landed me here, looking for answers, or at least some ideas on the path to answers...


It begins with a simple question: are you honestly here to change and not to give the appearance of change?

Because that change is very simple, but very difficult.

It's called having integrity in all that you are, do, say, and think.


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