# Porn?



## confued10883 (Mar 31, 2016)

Hi all I'm going to make this short to open more possibilities of me seeing something from your responses. My boyfriend of almost two years watches porn quite often. Examples are when we're going to be bed he will go into the garage to "smoke" and be watching porn he is also masturbating quite often this is leaving me angry and hostile in our relationship he says all guys watch porn and has provided no solution to stopping or understanding why it makes me feel terrible about myself. Do all guys watch porn? Is it normal? How often do you watch? How does it make women feel about it, am I the only one it bothers and thinks it's unacceptable?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel 99.9 % of men with adequate amounts of testosterone cursing through their veins enjoys setting their eyes on women's naked bodies...there are reasons books like this have been written >> Every Man's Battle: 

.. though when a man starts using it over his warm willing wanting wife or GF.. there are problems.. what are they? Unresolved resentments between the 2 of you... Does he have an addiction... Has he lost attraction?

My husband has always enjoyed collecting/ viewing Playboy bunnies...very soft stuff... but he's always waited for me.. I don't think he is the norm.. we've talked about this.. his feelings were > to get off on it, would be like "cheating" ... (those were his words.. not mine).. I can't hardly complain about this. so a little porn has never been an issue in our marriage, due to how he's handled it.. 

What you are facing though. I'd be LIVID ...I'd grow terribly resentful of him and start thinking of other men who seek real intimacy.. not a substitute...

Us women have a need to feel loved, cherished and DESIRED by our men.... it's one thing if the guy doesn't have much of a sex drive (another issue & not an easy one!) but when he's willingly wasting it on a computer screen, when you are wanting him, craving his body next to yours, this causes great suffering.. *it's just NOT OK*... 

Would you say he has an addiction.. maybe this has been his habitual lifestyle before you entered the picture ?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I have not watched a porn flic since I met wife 20 yrs ago. I do not want her to feel upset and have self image issues. Same as I would feel disrespected if she were getting off thinking about screwing a bunch of guys she saw on a flick.

I'm also one who believes the Bible in if you're lusting after another than you are already committing adultry.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Divinely Favored said:


> I have not watched a porn flic since I met wife 20 yrs ago. I do not want her to feel upset and have self image issues. Same as I would feel disrespected if she were getting off thinking about screwing a bunch of guys she saw on a flick.
> 
> I'm also one who believes the Bible in if you're lusting after another than you are already committing adultry.


 I used to feel like this... I was once a christian, or tried to be. 

Looking back...when I'd find these folders on this computer -he never really tried to hide them... I'd start deleting them in a huff... .. I remember crying one time.. but I spent more time trying to make him feel BAD / guilty -like it was some disgrace to God over actually feeling he didn't want me or I was 2nd best.. he was a very attentive man in every way...

I remember posting scriptures on his desktop.. I'm sure I was a real Joy to live with.. aiming the sword of God at him ! 

But the truth was... I was the problem ! He craved more sex and I was off in la la land somewhere...just not understanding the antsiness of men's drives.. he was rather passive in trying to get that across to me. 

It doesn't bother me that he likes to look upon these things... I enjoy some porn too -we watch together every now & then.... we all have our stories.. it was a spicing to our sex lives when I wanted to try new things (I would say I was somewhat repressed before- those la la land years).... I guess we are equally sinful together anyway. 

We both feel masturbating is hollow.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> I have not watched a porn flic since I met wife 20 yrs ago. I do not want her to feel upset and have self image issues. Same as I would feel disrespected if she were getting off thinking about screwing a bunch of guys she saw on a flick.
> 
> I'm also one who believes the Bible in if you're lusting after another than you are already committing adultry.


Have you ever had immoral thoughts? Ever think of another woman whole with your wife? You don't have to answer any of that. But only you know the real truth there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confued10883 (Mar 31, 2016)

So yes to some of you and with some saying do we have issues with sex, no we have a very active sex life we do try new things and he says it's just a fantasy. I am upset at the fact that he is using that energy and attention somewhere when he's not giving it to me. He's not a man of emotions he does not talk about feelings and what he needs or wants and when he does he says I fulfill his wants and needs if this is true why is there need to watch or fantasize about it


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Everyone has "immoral" thoughts. Everyone has thoughts about how sexy other people are.
> 
> But why do you have to *add to that* by watching porn? _You have to make the effort to watch porn.
> _
> ...


Yes it is !! One reason I enjoy this forum so much is we have the freedom to openly share our personal views without being banned if we don't fit in the "politically correct" box if you will, so long as we are not rude about it , of course..

It's good to hear all the different flavors of experiences and views.. it helps us see another side we may not have considered.. 



confued10883 said:


> So yes to some of you and with some saying do we have issues with sex, *no we have a very active sex life we do try new things and he says it's just a fantasy.* I am upset at the fact that he is using that energy and attention somewhere when he's not giving it to me. He's not a man of emotions he does not talk about feelings and what he needs or wants and when he does he says I fulfill his wants and needs if this is true why is there need to watch or fantasize about it


How active is "very active"?? it sounds you want MORE ACTIVE then.. you are not worn out and feel he is neglecting you.. is he with you at least once a day then , and you could stand 2 or more times a day .. or am I way off here ? 

I am assuming you are both younger & he's in the prime of his sexual years??


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## confued10883 (Mar 31, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> notmyrealname4 said:
> 
> 
> > Everyone has "immoral" thoughts. Everyone has thoughts about how sexy other people are.
> ...




We are in our 30's and yes we gave sex I would say 5 days out of the week but as I said he's still watching it. We were in the middle of having a good what I would call session and he said he needed a break he went to the garage to smoke and watch porn. Meanwhile I was in bed naked? This makes me angry


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I'm on the fence about how responsive an individual should be in changing their behavior when their partner says, "that makes me feel bad, I need you to stop."

I suppose the devil is in the details, but we have to ask ourselves: Do I need my partner to simply stop a certain behavior, or do I want them to not want to do that behavior in the first place?"

Because those are two different things, and understanding which our partner is doing for us is important. 

So, on one hand, OP's husband might stop the behavior because his wife's unhappiness with it is making him unhappy. In that case, there is the possibility that he will build resentment, or take the activity underground. On the other hand, he might take a hard look at why he likes porn, and then determine what would need to happen for him to no longer be attracted to porn, and undertake to to make those conditions a part of his life. 

The latter situation, in which he undertakes to no longer be attracted to porn, might look even more threatening to his wife. It's hard to tell. 

When I'm uncomfortable with something my husband does, or when he is uncomfortable with something I do, we generally talk about the possible solutions and the implications of "Hoop jumping" for our spouse's comfort vs. "changing conditions" to remove the desire for a certain behavior. 

For the record, I think how porn fits or doesn't fit into a relationship is different for everyone and there is no blanket "right" or "wrong" in the matter.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Sounds like you guys have a healthy sex life, so I'm not sure what the issue is. People still want to masturbate even when having regular sex. It's a quick release. Porn helps him get there. The majority of men watch porn and quite a few women. Have you tried watching it yourself OP? I know I had some negative feelings about it until I checked it out to find out what the big fuss is about. At the end of the day, sex is hot, naked people are hot and watching naked people have sex is hot. There's not much else to it, unless the person is neglecting their SO for porn. 

If this is a big issue for you then maybe you're incompatible. You're not married yet and trying to control it (if you choose that route) will only blow up later. So if you can't see yourself accepting the porn, maybe it's time to find someone else. Nothing wrong with that.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

confued10883 said:


> We are in our 30's and yes we gave sex I would say 5 days out of the week but as I said he's still watching it. We were in the middle of having a good what I would call session and he said he needed a break he went to the garage to smoke and watch porn. Meanwhile I was in bed naked? This makes me angry


Oh, no, he didn't! What a cad. I hope you told him the bakery was closed when he returned. If he needs to sneak a peek at porn in order to keep it up for you then he is in over his head.

Suggest he start taking Viagra because you don't like being left in the lurch.

And, I suspect his 'problem' will only worsen with time. This is when it is tempting to say that you want a real man. One who doesn't need to take a break from sex to maintain his so-called high and look at professional prostitutes.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Everyone has "immoral" thoughts. Everyone has thoughts about how sexy other people are.
> 
> But why do you have to *add to that* by watching porn? _You have to make the effort to watch porn.
> _
> ...


I didn't stop him from posting his opinion nor did I find fault. He states that his belief is that you are committing adultery if you are "lusting" after someone else. That's all well and good, and I am sure that the vast majority of us have committed adultery in his eyes. However, am I not allowed to ask him about himself? I didn't argue with him. I didn't day he was wrong. All i did was ask him if he is 100% true to that. Is that not allowed to be asked?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Herschel said:


> Divinely Favored said:
> 
> 
> > I have not watched a porn flic since I met wife 20 yrs ago. I do not want her to feel upset and have self image issues. Same as I would feel disrespected if she were getting off thinking about screwing a bunch of guys she saw on a flick.
> ...


I have no problem answering it. When I was younger and immature I did have sexually immoral thoughts and was a fornicator. Have never cheated on a girlfriend or my wife. No I have never thought of another woman while with my wife or past gf. As I'm a monogamous male, to the extreme. 

I had a 34 yr old GF when I was 23 and she offered me to her 35 yr old bff for the night. Had her come in the bedroom in a black teddy to ask if I wanted to go to her room that night. I declined because I wanted my gf and no other.

I love my wife and she is the only actress in my fantasies.....anything else is adultry per the Bible. He says to take your thoughts captive. Which means you can see a girl and think damn she is beautiful...but you stop it there and avert your eyes and get your mind on something else.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

confued10883 said:


> Hi all I'm going to make this short to open more possibilities of me seeing something from your responses. My boyfriend of almost two years watches porn quite often. Examples are when we're going to be bed he will go into the garage to "smoke" and be watching porn he is also masturbating quite often this is leaving me angry and hostile in our relationship he says all guys watch porn and has provided no solution to stopping or understanding why it makes me feel terrible about myself. Do all guys watch porn? Is it normal? How often do you watch? How does it make women feel about it, am I the only one it bothers and thinks it's unacceptable?


Not all guys watch porn. That's a big load of crap. Of the guys that do watch it, if it's not shared with their partner and watched in moderation, they will fail in every relationship they end up in.

Porn as it is now is not normal IMO. I bet if you asked the people in the industry they would tell you that the boundaries are constantly being tested in the industry and what's coming out of it is really nasty.

I never watch. My DH never watches. We have no need for it.

I wouldn't be with someone who wanted to watch women treated like garbage, like a sack of meat to be used repeatedly for a man's pleasure. If it was real sex with real meaning (there was a site that encouraged couples to make their own videos), that would be different, but it's all BS.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Most porn is garbage anyway. I could spend an hour looking only because I can't find something that is interesting to watch. Funny enough, when I met my current wife, my need for porn dropped off significantly. Like, there would be full months I wouldn't rub one out. Completely satisfied. Maybe she got bored, because she started bringing porn in. In fact, she'd give me what she called porn jobs...just her handling business. Maybe I was blinded by that and here I am now not knowing which way is up. Not caused by the porn, but maybe that's a symptom I never realized.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confued10883 (Mar 31, 2016)

Herschel said:


> Most porn is garbage anyway. I could spend an hour looking only because I can't find something that is interesting to watch. Funny enough, when I met my current wife, my need for porn dropped off significantly. Like, there would be full months I wouldn't rub one out. Completely satisfied. Maybe she got bored, because she started bringing porn in. In fact, she'd give me what she called porn jobs...just her handling business. Maybe I was blinded by that and here I am now not knowing which way is up. Not caused by the porn, but maybe that's a symptom I never realized.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



It's funny you say that he has made mention when I have brought this up that he doesn't watch or masturbate nearly as much as he has in any other relationship, which is shocking to me because I know factually he cheated a lot in his past relationships


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He has a real woman who wants real sex with him... *and he continues to have sex with his own hand?*  :slap:

:wtf:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

confued10883 said:


> It's funny you say that he has made mention when I have brought this up that he doesn't watch or masturbate nearly as much as he has in any other relationship, which is shocking to me because *I know factually he cheated a lot in his past relationships*


Oh. He did, did he? 

And not cheating on you? Hmmm.


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## confued10883 (Mar 31, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> He has a real woman who wants real sex with him... *and he continues to have sex with his own hand?*


Apparently me and the blow up doll I found in his office in our home are keeping him fairly satisfied.....


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

If he's cheated on all his past gfs, you have ways bigger things to worry about than porn.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think porn is a problem when it replaces intimacy with someone's partner.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think porn can be a problem when it feels like cheating to the porn consumer's partner. My views on it have changed through the years as I've thought and it and experienced personally partners who used it in a marriage, and then post divorce by a partner. I personally feel it is like cheating. I believe when you are in a committed intimate sexual relationship, the only persons body you should should see in that kind of sexual manner (and performing sex acts) is that of your partner.... let alone getting aroused by someone else and getting off to them!


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I think porn is OK if it does not interfere with your spouse. I watch porn every now and again and sometimes masturbate, but not to completion. I also sometimes watch porn with my wife.
At 54 years of age I view porn as a sexual aid. I need all the help I can get.

I say "aid" not in helping with how to have sex, but an aid for my mind. To get me going.
After having sex with the same person for 25 years, sometimes I can use a boost.
My wife is lovely, but sometimes my penis still wants to write checks it cannot cash


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

UMP said:


> I think porn is OK if it does not interfere with your spouse. I watch porn every now and again and sometimes masturbate, but not to completion. I also sometimes watch porn with my wife.
> At 54 years of age I view porn as a sexual aid. I need all the help I can get.
> 
> I say "aid" not in helping with how to have sex, but an aid for my mind. To get me going.
> ...


I have read a lot of your posts, I like that you are taking charge of your sex life with your wife. I do think I personally would have a problem with my partner needing to watch other naked women to get going. Is she okay with this?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

confued10883 said:


> Do all guys watch porn? Is it normal? How often do you watch?


Wrong questions, let me paint a picture...

You are cutting grass and the drive belt on your riding mower breaks, later that day your dog dies getting run over by a car, AND you find out you owe a bunch of money in taxes! 

The reasons above are NOT primary reasons to have intimate time with your wife, men just sometimes need an escape. Porn is at least one thing (mostly free and readily available) that is powerful enough to distract a man's mind and allow for a brief moment of escape and pleasure from the living hell that life may have become that day. Combine with smoking, and you have a winning combination for any man to relax. 

So here are your questions. Do all men get stress out? If so, how often? Would this be a great time to get selfish and demand my husband spend his stressed energy with me instead of in the garage smoking, watching porn, and masturbating his pain away?

Perhaps you should encourage him to exercise!

Regards,
Badsanta


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I don't think it's "selfish" to feel that my partner getting aroused by, and getting off to another woman's MOST sexual anatomy, watching another woman perform sex acts, is like cheating.

That kind of knowledge of another woman is a form of cheating, to me.


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## Mia Clarkson (Apr 6, 2016)

someone even addicted to porn


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