# Another "Am I Normal" thread.



## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

So, I've been on here for a couple weeks now, and have really learned a lot about myself and my relationship while here.

My relationship with my wife has it's ups and downs like most relationships do. But there is something that has been bothering me lately.

My wife and I went through an extended period of very dull and uninspiring sex. Lately we have spruced it up significantly, and it has been good. 

Even with the good sex recently, I find myself fantasizing about having an open marriage. I mean a completely open one where she was able to do what she wanted within boundaries, and so would I. 

I love her very much, and would NEVER ask her to have one. I am certain she would not be open to it, and would be very hurt by the suggestion, so I would never consider doing that to her. Even if we were having a discussion about our deepest fantasies, I couldn't bring myself to share that with her. But the thought of it is still a fun one for me and one that pops up every now and then.

Am I a complete freak for having that deep down secret fantasy that I would never share with her, or is that something that happens in other/most marriages?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Judging by the number of threads about this subject, I'd say you're within "normal" ranges, though perhaps (in my opinion) on the low end of statistical normal.

And as long as it stays a fantasy, no problemo.


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## Jambri (Mar 19, 2013)

It's normal. My ex and I had lots of hot sexy passionate nights as she talked about the dirty things she wanted to do with this guy or that guy while we were going at it. She knew exactly how it affected me..knowing that nothing got me more heated or wanting her more than when she talked that way. Difference is I only had eyes for her so it was a one-sided thing as I've always been a one-woman guy but very open to hearing her fantasies....it was all roleplay and adventurous fun and nothing ever came of it but to be honest I'm not sure I would have stopped her from exploring or playing a bit as long as it didn't get too far out of hand. I simply love seeing my girl take control and do what SHE wants!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Personally I think 'most' of us would have at least some fantasies that are wild and 'out there'.

I have some i would never ever want to have happen in reality and some that I haven't shared with my husband... I actually think he would be shocked if he knew some of the thoughts going around in my head...maybe he'd like it...dunno.

But if it's just fantasy... it's just that a fantasy.

You're not a freak...just a sexual creature with a imagination.

I really suggest you leave this in fantasy land though. I know of no-one it has worked for...although some say it's great. I've not seen that. 
Both times the marriages ended when the wife fell in love with the new man.... don't ruin a good thing is my suggestion.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

Jambri said:


> it was all roleplay and adventurous fun and nothing ever came of it but to be honest I'm not sure I would have stopped her from exploring or playing a bit as long as it didn't get too far out of hand. I simply love seeing my girl take control and do what SHE wants!


:iagree:

This is exactly how I feel. She is the only woman I have ever slept with, so I'm not sure I even knew what I wanted when I married. However, as we progress, I've learned many things that I enjoy that I would have never expected going into marriage (like watching her use toys). 

If she came to me and asked for an open marriage and we set boundaries together, I would be very open to it. But because I love her, I would never initiate the discussion for fear of hurting her.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I think fantasies are meant to be things that are out there and not necessarily something you would do in reality, given the chance.

I don't think the nature of your fantasy is crossing a line either. I don't think its outside the realm of normal in any case.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

waiwera said:


> Personally I think 'most' of us would have at least some fantasies that are wild and 'out there'.
> 
> I have some i would never ever want to have happen in reality and some that I haven't shared with my husband... I actually think he would be shocked if he knew some of the thoughts going around in my head...maybe he'd like it...dunno.


I know that there is very little she could share with me that would shock me. I WANT to know her deepest desires, because I want her to have them. I wouldn't want her to be afraid of sharing anything with me. Which is pretty funny because I'm saying I have some that I would NEVER share with her.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

whathappenedtome said:


> I know that there is very little she could share with me that would shock me. I WANT to know her deepest desires, because I want her to have them. I wouldn't want her to be afraid of sharing anything with me. Which is pretty funny because I'm saying I have some that I would NEVER share with her.


Absolutey... I want my hubby to tell me all his fantasies too...but I doubt he does.

I think this is probably pretty common.

It's shame...because it _could_ all go wonderfully and led to some great sex but if it's not well taken...

you just cannot take back those words once said!


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

waiwera said:


> Absolutey... I want my hubby to tell me all his fantasies too...but I doubt he does.
> 
> I think this is probably pretty common.
> 
> ...


I COMPLETELY agree. 

It could lead to some pretty amazing sex, but it could also lead to divorce.  

If only there were a way to read ahead like the choose your own adventure books, and pick the right one...


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## Jambri (Mar 19, 2013)

whathappenedtome said:


> I know that there is very little she could share with me that would shock me. I WANT to know her deepest desires, because I want her to have them. I wouldn't want her to be afraid of sharing anything with me. Which is pretty funny because I'm saying I have some that I would NEVER share with her.


That's what was great about us. There were no secrets between us and as a result she knew she could tell me anything, but she also knew me like the back of her hand. We once went to a football game together with a guy friend. 4 hour trip from Vt to Mass. Game got over late and we drove home, me in the back seat as I was zonkered from driving the entire way that morning and wanted to rest. They were in the front. Small talk between them turned to her blatantly flirting with him. She knew I was awake and that it was having an effect on me. After we dropped him off and arrived home she asked me how I liked their conversation. Needless to say, I was all over her that night, I couldn't get enough of her. Amazing how fatigue turned into unbridled lust


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

whathappenedtome said:


> I COMPLETELY agree.
> 
> It could lead to some pretty amazing sex, but it could also lead to divorce.
> 
> If only there were a way to read ahead like the choose your own adventure books, and pick the right one...


I suppose you have to start small and use what you know about her and her wants/desires and what she will find sexy...rather than threatening or a turn off.

For instance I know for a fact that hubby would handle me talking about getting hot with the movie character THOR better than me talking about doing the pool boy who comes over every thursday....... while hubbies at work 

Just joking...hubby is our pool boy!

But no matter what... open and honest communication is always a good thing.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

Jambri said:


> That's what was great about us. There were no secrets between us and as a result she knew she could tell me anything, but she also knew me like the back of her hand. We once went to a football game together with a guy friend. 4 hour trip from Vt to Mass. Game got over late and we drove home, me in the back seat as I was zonkered from driving the entire way that morning and wanted to rest. They were in the front. Small talk between them turned to her blatantly flirting with him. She knew I was awake and that it was having an effect on me. After we dropped him off and arrived home she asked me how I liked their conversation. Needless to say, I was all over her that night, I couldn't get enough of her. Amazing how fatigue turned into unbridled lust


That is awesome. You are fortunate that this is possible for you. I don't think this type of relationship is possible for 99 percent of the people out there.


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

waiwera said:


> I suppose you have to start small and use what you know about her and her wants/desires and what she will find sexy...rather than threatening or a turn off.
> 
> For instance I know for a fact that hubby would handle me talking about getting hot with the movie character THOR better than me talking about doing the pool boy who comes over every thursday....... while hubbies at work
> 
> ...


That's what we have done with GREAT results. And I agree open and honest is good, but I don't believe in telling ALL of my deepest thoughts. That would not turn out well.


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## Jambri (Mar 19, 2013)

whathappenedtome said:


> That is awesome. You are fortunate that this is possible for you. I don't think this type of relationship is possible for 99 percent of the people out there.


Well it WAS awesome But as I said, she is an ex. A new job opportunity took me away from her. 

You are correct though, I'll probably never get that lucky again to find someone like her. The key for us is that we always treated it as adventurous playing, and never let it go too far. It also helped that I wasn't overly jealous and I enjoyed watching her explore her sexuality. That one night, dancing with some dude at a Super Bowl party and topless camming with an online friend of hers was the extent of it. 

Damn, I'm beginning to feel nostalgic LoL


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I used to have a similar fantasy .

As time has pasted I realized what I most enjoyed about this fantasy is that it is a fantasy. 

The reality of this would screw with my heart. I can't share my wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

soulseer said:


> I used to have a similar fantasy .
> 
> As time has pasted I realized what I most enjoyed about this fantasy is that it is a fantasy.
> 
> ...


You may be right, but I think that every person/situation is different. I want her to be able to have every pleasure she desires, no matter what that is. I am incredibly turned on by her being turned on and adventurous.

Our relationship is much more adventurous now than even 1 year ago, and I absolutely LOVE that part of it. But there is still doubt about expressing all of my thoughts, and probably rightly so. 

I guess my point is that right now I would be open to any fantasy she shared with me, and incredibly excited that she would feel comfortable enough to share with me!


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

GTdad said:


> Judging by the number of threads about this subject, I'd say you're within "normal" ranges, though perhaps (in my opinion) on the low end of statistical normal.
> 
> And as long as it stays a fantasy, no problemo.


Ugh.

I hesitate to draw any conclusions about what is 'normal' based on the frequency of threads on this board. If that were the case - 97% of people are cheaters.

Personally - I dont think its particularly all that common to fantasize specifically about an 'open ralationship'. I dont mean to suggest by any means that it is 'abnormal' but lets not confuse that with 'common' based on statistics from this board. Yikes!

*"And as long as it stays a fantasy, no problemo"*

Agree!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Life in general can be so $hit sometimes....to the point that going into a fantasy world is a good and healthy thing.

I always wanted to be a pilot but could never afford more than a couple of lessons. I fall asleep most nights imagining that I am flying a plane...I fall asleep smiling. Which is a good thing.

I would love my wife to tell me about her sexual fantasies and let me tell her mine. Like 'I would love for you to give me a BJ atleast once before I die'....

Anyway, I digress - to the OP..... Having and dreaming about fantasies is a good thing, helps keep us sane.


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