# Need some serious advice, in a completely insane marriage



## Needsomeguidance (Jul 3, 2016)

Hey everyone, I'm a bit new to this, but wanted to share my story as I just don't know what to do. I've been married for 20 years, with 3 children, 2 biological, 1 is from her previous marriage. 

Please note this the very mild version of what's been occurring, I just didn't want to make along drawn out book, 

I have endured this relationship for as long as I think I can at this point, just a little background, early on in my marriage it was suspected that my wife's cheated on numerous occasions, but I stuck it through, our non biological son has cost 100s of thousand of dollars in medical bills due to overdoses that he has self inflicted and as a result medical bills piled up, he is currently in trouble with the law with a quite a bit of fines owed and community service which he has not done 1 lick of and is looking at jail time, sad part is my wife has never thrown a consequence at him and a s result, his numerous theft charges and drug charges stem from non parental enforcement, although I attempted to step in many of times I was threatened with divorce and told that my punishments were bad parenting.Although he has stolen thousands of dollars from me I have never pressed charges s he had enough to deal with,

Our 15 year old daughter is now pregnant by 20 year old and once again, lack of parenting would prevail, I simply cannot deal with the stress, of any of this anymore. 

These challenges I have endured have been ongoing for many years, whereas she used to be the one threatening constantly of leaving I am now ready to take that driver seat.



Without drawing this post out, here is my dilemma, our relationship sucks, the sex is 1 position and redundant, although not withheld, it doesn't feel the same anymore, her parents are in town and they down me every chance and encourage my wife check former classmate profiles that she once dated, and so on, my ultimatum was such, that of whe wants to maintain this behavior and siding then perhaps it's best to fly back out with mom and live and her. Am I wrong in this given the circumstances, I am ready to move on.


----------



## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Needsomeguidance said:


> Am I wrong in this given the circumstances


No.

Take care of your daughter and your other kid.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Needsomeguidance said:


> Without drawing this post out, here is my dilemma, our relationship sucks, *the sex is 1 position *and redundant, although not withheld, it doesn't feel the same anymore, *her parents are in town and they down me every chance and encourage my wife check former classmate profiles that she once dated*, and so on, my ultimatum was such, that of whe wants to maintain this behavior and siding then perhaps it's best to fly back out with mom and live and her. Am I wrong in this given the circumstances, I am ready to move on.


Not to be blunt, but sex is really the least of your problems.

Download and read *No More Mr Nice Guy*, you say bad parenting, I say everyone seems to have a whale of a time disrespecting and not listening to a lick of anything you say.

The boy steals from you, the wife doesn't listen and probably cheats on you, her parents (wtf, why are they still allowed in your house) encourage their daughter to cheat on you, your daughter lost likely will be bringing a baby into your household..

Again sex is the least of your worries my friend.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Never accept unacceptable behavior. Your wife is behaving unacceptably.

Your marriage is a separate issue from your daughter. You can still be her father and at the same time divorce her mother. Since you didn't mention details of the 3rd child I presume there are no major issues there such as a handicap requiring both parents be living in the same house.

Obviously your marriage is terrible and is not pleasant for either one of you. If I were you, I'd take advantage of a free consultation with a couple of divorce attorneys in your area to find out what you're facing. Consider how divorce today would play out, and then what considerations there are if you stay another 5 or 10 years and then get divorced. Even if financially painful today, it may be far worse later on. For example, she'll get half your retirement, so the longer you stay the more she takes.

Keep in mind she may well be waiting until the kids are out of the house to file divorce. You may have no choice in the matter.

Honestly I see no upside to you staying in this marriage. It is not adding value to your life. No emotional intimacy, no best friend, no good sex. She isn't a partner in parenting. She probably has cheated (always trust your gut!!!!). Investment experts say to evaluate what you already own based on what you now know today. Would you buy it today? If not, sell it. Well that applies to spouses as well. Would you marry her today knowing what you know? Probably not, right?

Staying together for the kids is almost always a bad choice. If you leave, you can have your own sane home where hopefully they can experience some sane parenting and see your sane example. Yes, their mom will still be a terrible parent. But by getting away you can create that good space for the kids which is impossible if you are still living with their mom.

I am pro-marriage and pro-family, and generally don't suggest divorce. In your case given what you've posted, I can see no good reason to stay married. There are some good reasons for you to leave.


----------

