# Ladies, I'm a new man. How will you react?



## blindsidedintx (Apr 22, 2010)

My wife has had an emotional and physical affair (said only once) with the first man she ever had sex with (when she was 14 and he was 15) recently. She told me a month ago that she didn't want to be with me anymore and that she never loved me and always loved him. We've been married 14 years and have three daughters together (5, 7, 9).

When we met, she was working at Wal-Mart and now she has her career working in speech therapy. A year ago we decided that I would quit my job and she would earn enough so that I could stay home and take care of our youngest daughter. Next year our youngest will finally be able to go to school with her older sisters and therefore not need a parent at home anymore. My quitting was supposed to be a temporary thing only up until next school year. By the time school starts, I'd have a job.

I'll link to the post that explains how I was and how I've changed. Please visit that post here. Not the Man I Should Have Been

Sorry for the link, but I'm trying to keep all the comments on one post. Thanks for any help!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

You know, I think your wife is wrong as can be and selfish as all getout. The very idea that she cheated on you (emotional affair is cheating) and they made plans together for the future - everybody's future. What could possibly be more selfish? Not to mention that if she didn't love you, she shouldn't have married you but surely you realize that at the time, you were a financial means to an end - again, extremely selfish. I even think it is selfish of her to confess she never loved you. What can that possibly accomplish at this point except to hurt your feelings? What is wrong with this woman???

No, I don't think you should interrupt or stop your improvements, but I also don't think you should beat yourself up over the person you used to be. Although you were inconsiderate and thoughtless, how could you know you were being inconsiderate and thoughtless if she never communicated with you? She never told you she needed help. She never told you she expected you to do anything. She never told you she felt you were being neglectful and taking her for granted. She never told you anything. It is wonderful you want to improve. It's great you try to be the man she needs you to be, but she was wrong to place you in this position this late in the game. You feel desperate to repair yourself, to recover those lost years, to save your marriage, and anyone would feel this way, but she is wrong to bring you to this point and give you no options.

She is wrong to give you no options and no chance at recovering or salvaging your marriage and family life. A person deserves a second chance, and that even includes her because she was the biggest contributor to your failing marriage. Her affair was not what caused this disaster. What caused the disaster and made her the biggest contributor was her lack of communication, only to later dump it all on your shoulders as blame, responsibility, and guilt. But it isn't you. She is the guilty party. If that wasn't bad enough, she took up with another man. Your wife is pathological, and it doesn't get any more narcissistic. I feel awful for you.

Now, she doesn't want to separate, but I believe she is just trying to save money. Since you are not working, she knows she will have to maintain two residences - wherever you live and wherever she lives. So, I guess it makes sense financially. I don't know.


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