# How to catch a cheater?



## housefullofmen (Jul 9, 2010)

My husband's behavior has changed drastically over the past couple of months. He has mood swings, lost sexual interest in me (usually he is asking for it non-stop), he is deleting text messages from female coworkers, and is just plain weird lately. I would like for anyone to share how they learned of their spouses infidelity, and any methods used to find an unfaithful spouse! I hate the thought of "spying" on him, but he isn't offering any explanations....not good ones anyway!


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## iamnottheonlyone (May 9, 2010)

Most would deny it if you asked them. If there is an affair is likely going on with a co-worker or someone close to your family. If you can check the text messages before he deletes them some times that reveals his situation. Have the phone company give you the list of numbers that he has called and the time he's called. You can show up at his job to take him to lunch. GPS in the car is helpful. If you have one he uses check the history. Put a tracker in his car. Install a key logger on the computer. Is he going to run errands more often? 
I would suggest you prepare for the worst. You need to know what you want to do and what you want to say when you have proof. When you do have proof don't jump the gun. You are going to have to stay calm. If you want advice as to what to do and how to do it you can get advice now or come back later.
If your gut tells you there is an affair, there is almost always an affair. Trust your gut and get ready to deal with it.


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## housefullofmen (Jul 9, 2010)

I think if he is having an affair it is with a coworker, he does not leave the house once home from work for anything more than a run to the store. Which only takes about 15 mins tops. I have felt something wrong for a while, and it's killing me to keep it in. I don't want to tip him off, giving him the opportunity to get better at it. The only reason I know about the texts is because I see and pay the cell bill. He knows this, I'm not sure if he WANTS me to see it and ask or if he doesn't realize it is a detailed bill. I have never had a problem with him texting these women, until he started deleting those texts and only those texts. He has been on vacation all week, with no texts from anyone except his brother and sisters. 
It is possible that it is a "lunch" affair, I am planning to surprise him for lunch next week, preferably on the day he doesn't call me (he tends to call 4 times a day!). There is something fishy, I can't stand keeping my mouth shut....


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Be careful so he does not notice. This sounds like a work affair. Use a keylogger and a GPS tracker. I was in a similar situation few months ago and my GUT feeling was 100% right
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

If he is cheating, he is in the early stages. Perhaps even testing the waters so to speak. Therefore, it should be easier to catch. The best way to catch a cheater is to follow the lies. Every cheater lies and that's where they hang themselves.

So, he is home every night? And every weekend? Does he leave for work early? Does he have time gaps where he says he is visiting a family member etc.? Who handles the finances in your house? A good rule of thumb is that cheating brings additional expenses. Look at your expenses (like credit card bills) closely. An experienced cheater may even have a credit card and a totally different address that you know nothing about. To catch those, simply order a credit report on him--it will show all creditors (even those you know nothing about).

When something smells fishy, it's usually because a fish is around. You'll catch on to covertly snooping. There are many creative ways to do it. You'll feel better knowing the truth! So, don't even feel guilty doing it--he is the one who has brought it on.


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## housefullofmen (Jul 9, 2010)

Thanks for the advice!! I currently check his cell account on a daily basis, I also went in and changed his PIN number for voice mails. He has been deleting those as soon as he gets them as well. I take care of all the finances, we have no credit cards (I've learned my lesson with those) but he spends a lot of money on lunch. There are tons of atm withdrawls for $20-40, he never packs his lunch. I know that most days he goes to lunch with a group, 2 men and a woman (my cousin who is also married). He had invited me to lunch with them, so I went, toward the end of the lunch, one male coworker was a little uncomfortable. This man knows my father personally, I can't count on my cousin to give any info she is loyal only to herself. Given her track record, it wouldn't surprise me if he was cheating with HER! My friend and I followed them at lunch the week before his vacation, found nothing. Albeit, that was just once, we plan to do it this week as well. The truly awful thing about all of this is, that I trust no one, absolutely no one...I sometimes find myself wondering if maybe my friend is giving him a heads up!! That idea in itself is ridiculous, she is the most loyal caring friend and also cousin(different side of family then the aforementioned cousin) I have ever had.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

He does not need to leave the house at all to be in an EA or PA, this can be just as easy to do during work hours, the EA can be done anytime given the technology now-a-days, the PA can be done at work or taken else where during those hours, I know from experience..both ways!, but as was mentioned earlier, the 'gut feeling' is usually correct, and be prepared for the worst..Good luck.


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## housefullofmen (Jul 9, 2010)

He works in a warehouse environment, he only gets 30mins for lunch, but is always taking at least 15min extra. I have checked his pay stubs and it is always missing 3-4 hours of pay in a two week pay period. One of his coworkers once accused him of having an affair (5yrs ago), he informed me of this, I guess to head it off at the pass... I wish now that I had investigated this claim!!


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

It's very important that you don't confront until you have concrete evidence........you may need in court someday.

If you confront prematurely, he'll cover his tracks more carefully, and it may become impossible to get hard evidence.

Get all your ducks in a row first, and play dumb.


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## housefullofmen (Jul 9, 2010)

I am trying so hard to play dumb. It's eating me up, at this point I have only deleted text messages (which I have no idea what they say) and his behavior as evidence. I do have 2 voice activated recorders that I plan to put in his car...It's an older car and somewhat loud, I am having issues as to where to actually put them.


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

I know, it's hard to pretend that everything's okay when your heart is breaking-----And of course it's going to eat you up.


--but every success story I've read in which the BS catches the wayward spouse, was because they were able to play dumb, and lull their spouse into a false sense of security.

If you confront too early, cheaters deny,deny,deny, and go deeper underground.

There's an old saying:

_To catch a fox, you have to think like a fox........._


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

Ygpm


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Go to a spy shop. You said you were going to his job. If he has an office, you'd be able to plant a recorder there. Or, they have all kinds of stuff, like ink pens w/ recorders on them. You might find something you can use. Maybe even a very small device to plant inside his cell phone. Ask them, they can help.


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## makaveli (Jul 8, 2010)

There are many ways you can catch him cheating, some good things I did was..look at the cellphone bill (if you can do this which you should be able to do, just go to the cellphone place your service is at and have them give you an online account to check your bill)-make sure when you find the numbers you are searching for you call them from a payphone so you don't give yourself up right away...buy some digital voice recorders and set them up at the house where he might make his secret phone calls (also set it up in his car if you can)-make sure and test it out whereever you plant the recorder because sometimes you can't hear very well if the recorder is facing a certain way...take time off of work one day and follow him when he goes to lunch and/or leaves work...the best one is you can go online or a spy store and buy a usb sim card reader and read his deleted text messages and pics (that would probably answer some questions you can't get out of him or affraid to ask)...make sure and try not to get caught doing these things because he will just get sneakier hiding what he is doing and also make sure to not confront him until you have concrete evidence because like I said, he will just get sneakier hiding things and he won't come clean about what he is doing. The best feeling when someone is doing this stuff to you is catching them because you then have control of what is going to happen in the relationship and not them. I wish you the best of luck and I am so sorry this is going on.


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## housefullofmen (Jul 9, 2010)

Amorous...I have no idea what that acronym means...lol I'm fairly new to actually POSTING in forums...


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

housefullofmen said:


> Amorous...I have no idea what that acronym means...lol I'm fairly new to actually POSTING in forums...


lol. I sent you a private message. If you look in the top right corner of the webpage it will have your name in bold, the last time you visited, etc. 

There is a blue link that say Private Messages, click it and it will take you to your inbox.


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

Definitiely play dumb - I am doing it now an dyes it's hard but it'll be worth it in the long run. I didn't have enough "evidence" the first time around so I am trying to trap him.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You have to stay stong, U most have positive proof for confrontation to work. With out big evidence cheaters will lie and turn it on you. 
If U jump to soon he will make it harder to investigate and you don't want that. You want your confrontation to be absolute with out question, then you can take the next step to fix marriage.


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