# i feel dead



## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

this pain and heartache is to unbearable and i just want to curl up in a ball and die.i have ruined my life my marriage and my husbands life,i feel that i dont even deserve to be on this earth breathing.i hurt so bad inside will it ever stop


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I know you are hurt, and I know that you feel like all of this is your fault. Honestly honey, I think a lot of people in here have felt this way. But you also have to recognize that tomorrow is a new day and a fresh chance to start out on the right foot.

Things in the past are done, all we can do now is learn from any mistakes made. Learn from yourself. You are acknowledging that you have done things that were not great in your marriage, I am sure everyone on the planet has done something like that. You see it, so now figure out how you are going to fix it. What can you do to not do it anymore?? What do you want out of life for yourself?

Heartbreak can be one of the most awful things to experience, but at least walk away from it with knowledge. Learn and live with what you have learned. 

Was there something that happened today that made it worse??


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I also feel like that many days, but I need to be positive and my reason to live is my hope that someday we will be together.


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## lostinlove1 (May 10, 2010)

preludeckn, hang in there, each day is a new one. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break one, just don't lose sight that this is not 100% your fault. It is great that you take ownership of your errors but don't carry the entire load. Build a better you, you will get through this - we all feel the same some days, losing someone you love with all your heart seems to have that effect. Look at yourself as a better person today as your were yesterday and never give up on you - you have your entire life ahead of you although it may seem worthless now, your life you have to cherish - we are only given one of them........take care and I wish you all the strength to get through this.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

I may sound like a broken record but counseling, counseling, self-help books and inner peace is what we all need.

Indeed we all have felt that way, and I could assure you that all have come out as better persons no matter the circumstances. 

wish it and will happen, meanwhile take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep (i know is hard even for me sometimes) and roll with the punches, we have to adapt to change or change will run us over.


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## Nice Guys Finish Last (Jan 4, 2010)

i felt the same....and almost 6 months later I just dont give a damn now. (about her)


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

i wonder what changed.


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

yes dawn i had sex with him again last night it was so painful to see him not show any emotion he was like a robot i feel even worse now


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

sorry you feel this way I was hoping that I would be just as lucky but I guess it might be worse.


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i dont know how much longer i can go on like this i just want the pain to end


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

I am ready to let go, well not so much. Hang in there, the storm will be over soon.


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i dont see how i just tried calling him to talk to him all that he did was hang up on me its an endless cycles of heartache and rejection how much does he think my heart can take


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Do not call him, give him type to ease the pain for you and for him. I have find that whenever I do talk to him I end up feeling worse so I would rather give him time and pull myself together.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Exactly honey. You call him and he treats you like trash, but you sleep with him and he will talk to his girlfriend right next to you. He is showing you where his priorities are. So now you need to make yourself a priority. It won't be easy and you aren't gonna want to do it, but sit down and write down what you want for you and your family. Don't let it have anything to do with him or relationships. Have it be about you and things that you can control. You can control your actions and inactions.


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i wish he would just want to come back to me and our kids we all miss him so much.he tells me that he hates me and dont want nothing to do with me but then he tells me you never know what will happen in the future like he just wants to give me tiny string to grab ahold of why why why


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

luv:

It will get better! You can't see the light right now as you are in the middle of the storm....

I would suggest a book called When Love Must be Tough by Dr. Dobson. It gives you some ideas regarding how to treat a spouse that wants to walk away. Hint: Chasing is the worse thing you can do. It lowers your self worth; makes you feel like an azz; and drives him further away. Chasing is an phone call; invitation; text; and yes....enticing him for sex. 

Begin by working on yourself to be the hottest; happiest; most fun girl to be around...even if you FAKE it!


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i dont even see how i can do any of that and to know that my kids will be with his new girlfriend all weekend long is making the pain even worse.i will be in this house all weekend long by myself,how will i survive this im going to be all alone with nobody.


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

It was very hard the 1st weekend I was alone I thought the silence was going ot break me  I highly recommend you DONT sit in the house even if it means going to coffee place or mall and just sitting.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

All the members of this forum could help in your time of loneliness. Also you should rely on those people that are physically with you, trust them, be open but more importantly I would recommend sessions with a counselor. 

It helps a lot to talk to a professional than just asking for advice from people that tell you want you want to listen or don't want to listen what they want to tell you. He is neutral and can give you clear advice.


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i cant even afford counseling right now.maybe my kids would just be better off with me not here i cant focus on them he consumes my whole day i cant function at work nothing


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i dont think im going to give him the power to cry anymore


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Don't that is how I am finding strength I wont let him see me weak...yes I have a few times for the most part I have been calm/polite/smiling and it HAS made a huge difference. H has even made a few comments about he as noticed. If anything out of this I WILL NOT LET THIS BREAK ME. I am going to come out of this a stronger person.


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

finallyseewhy said:


> Don't that is how I am finding strength I wont let him see me weak...yes I have a few times for the most part I have been calm/polite/smiling and it HAS made a huge difference. H has even made a few comments about he as noticed. If anything out of this I WILL NOT LET THIS BREAK ME. I am going to come out of this a stronger person.


I wish I had your mindset.


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i will be seeing him today he has agreed to have a picnic with me and the kids for memorial day unless he changes his mind at last minute which he is good at.i decided though if he shows up im not going to talk about anything personal see if he actually talks to me or just ignores me wish me luck!!!!


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

Good luck!


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

well he broke plans at last minute which i kinda expected kids were callin and texting him making him upset he told me that we were divorcing that we shouldnt even be speaking to each other.told me that instead of a dissolution he is going for a divorce he wants something dont know what it is might be custody of the kids he always threatens me with that.so im going to give him a couple days to cool down and try to speak to him


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## PreludeCkN (Jan 21, 2010)

sorry to hear that. but I mostly feel bad for your children. I am a product of divorce parents and I know all to well how it feels. Do you think that if he perhaps just went out with the kids the situation would be somewhat better? Giving him time to calm down sounds best right now. It looks like he is trying to make things hard for no reason. Hang in there Luv2ivy, be strong for you and your children!


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I am sorry  What a jerk that he was upset the kids were calling him and texting that is NOT OK!!! Give him a few days but in the mean time I would find a lawyer to protect you and your kids I am really sorry


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

well he said he wants shared parenting because he dont want to pay child support,is this really possible can he legally do that?


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

nope like I said in the other thread shared custody does not mean no child support. My & H did an agreement before he left and we decided on shared parenting. 
-he sees them almost everyday and pretty much when ever he wants 
-he is involved in all the parenting decisions 

He pays child support(we did it for right now through a calculator on alllaw.com) also pays the daycare(I was a sahm) and pays all the health insurance. We decided to split everything else. 

Please look for some legal aid!


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## luv2ivy (May 18, 2010)

i had a legal aid lawyer for when we went to court for cpo but she told me she couldnt represent me in a dicorce they didnt have enough funds for that.wish i had a button to just rewind time back to that horrible night would of done so many things different,now i get to live my life with regrets


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## TheMizz...erable (Aug 14, 2011)

It's been over a year now. How are things today?


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