# Separating family after divorce



## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

Soon to be ex and I have been separated 8 months. He has one brother, but doesn't have anything in common with him and doesn't voluntarily spend time with him. He likes my brother and kinda invited himself to see my brother and his family during a vacation to the same beach town "so the cousins could see each other."

We were getting along, so I said it was fine, but he's pulled some BS and I'm distancing myself from him again.

Not sure how to handle things with my brother. It's not like he's a close friend of my soon to be ex. I don't want to start any problems, but I also don't feel 100% comfortable with the situation. Thoughts. I'm not sure I can even articulate why other than if we aren't getting along, I don't think he should hang out with my brother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

And I think you are right. Ex means just that. Includes family members IMO. It allows you to move on with your life without a constant reminder with your Ex sharing egg nog at your brothers every Christmas.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Here divorce was reasonably amicable and we both remained in contact with each others family, in fact we remain in constant contact with each other as there is so much that relates to kids and investments. My ex and dad have dinner together a few times a year, they are adults and I have no interest in micro managing anyone's life. Ex is always invited to Christmas with my family, birthdays and other big events. 

If we were not amicable post divorce then yes it would bother me if he remained in contact with my family but unless there was some toxic behaviour then I would still keep out of other peoples relationships. I know if pushed my family would have 100% loyalty to me but as all involved are decent people then I have no concerns about how much contact they have. As always it depends on the situation and the people involved.

Bottom line, my kids are better off living like this post divorce than with division between extended family just because their parents chose to divorce.


----------



## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> Here divorce was reasonably amicable and we both remained in contact with each others family, in fact we remain in constant contact with each other as there is so much that relates to kids and investments. My ex and dad have dinner together a few times a year, they are adults and I have no interest in micro managing anyone's life. Ex is always invited to Christmas with my family, birthdays and other big events.
> 
> If we were not amicable post divorce then yes it would bother me if he remained in contact with my family but unless there was some toxic behaviour then I would still keep out of other peoples relationships. I know if pushed my family would have 100% loyalty to me but as all involved are decent people then I have no concerns about how much contact they have. As always it depends on the situation and the people involved.
> 
> Bottom line, my kids are better off living like this post divorce than with division between extended family just because their parents chose to divorce.


Yes, that's kinda where I'm at, too. I kinda wish he would just go his own way, and no one in my family wants anything to do with his, but he actually likes my family better than his own. Guess I'll try to be the bigger person. Again, I'd prefer he just step away without me having to ask. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Give it some time, more than likely it will evolve into full separation of families. It is still early and there is still emotional attachment involved, I hate to use the term "out of sight/out of mind", but the longer you are separated/divorced the further away from your family your ex will drift as he rebuilds his own life and your family will think about him less and less as you rebuild your life. 

If it doesn't evolve naturally then you need to tell your family you're not comfortable with him still being in the picture. But...you can't control what others do, if your brother wants to stay friends you may need to accept that but can ask your brother to respect your boundaries of not wanting to be around the ex, so no inviting him to family events.


----------

