# need some parenting advice..



## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

My 5 y/o son and I did Christmas early due to time constraints and visitation this year with my step daughter. My wife went off to work while I stayed home with the kids. My son started making comments about how he didn't get what he wanted from Santa. I about blew my top. If I had said that to my parents, they would of beat the pulp out of me and burned my toys in the front yard.

He's done other things here recently that are becoming more of an entitled mindset. I work my butt off to pay child support and still do nice things for him. 

I don't give him hand outs, I take him to the pool over summer, normal father stuff, but I'm not really sure what to do.

Thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Ah, the entitled generation. It's very common. As a society, parenting has changed from raising children to catering to their every whim. For a while there in our house it was as if the kids were treated like royalty. "what would you like for breakfast?" "do you like these boots?" "what do you want for Christmas?"

It's time to unspoil the kids, I think. If they throw a fit in a store, then you leave. If they fuss, the toy under the tree goes back. Get serious and it will change. It will be ugly for a while, but they will learn. And you will be doing them a huge favor, as no one wants a spoiled brat for a friend, child, or spouse!


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Research your local homeless shelter.

Have him clean out his toy chest of five things, making sure they are clean and good working condition. 

Have him come with you when you drop off the donation.

It isn't too early to remind him some people don't have what he has.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Don't worry, it is the age. My 6 year old is doing the same thing.

The issue is not him demanding. It is whether or not the parents give in. 

On the spoiling comments, if someone needs to be blamed, it is not the the kid, but the parents.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kids say all kinds of things. Beating them to a pulp and burning their toys is more than over-kill.

Instead you could have made it (and maybe still could) a learning moment.

For example tell him that Santa is not a catalogue where you put in your order. You can tell Santa what you want. But Santa will give you want he has and what he can. Santa has to give presents to every child, not just your son.

I lot my son that Santa only gave each kid one gift. All the rest were from people how love him. This helped to put aside any idea that Christmas was a time when a kid could demand any and everything.

I like the idea of your son donating some of his toys.

Another thing I did with my son was that I contacted an organization where we could "adopt" a family for Christmas. Our family was a woman with a little boy who was in a shelter. My son and I went Christmas shopping for them. They did not have a tree so we bought them an inexpensive small tree that came with ornaments. They we spend a budge we had .. We got a list from the boy's mother and bought the things on it that I could afford. I really did not spend all that much. And my son got to see that there were people at Christmas who had nothing.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The kid is 5 and doesn't live with his father. He takes the opportunity of a visit to tell you he's not thrilled in the only way a 5 year old boy knows how. He is doing kinda Christmas days earlier, not with both parents, not with everyone he loves, but a little Christmas here, a little Christmas there, because it's more convenient for the adults in his life.
This may have squat to do with greed or toys. H. I doubt he gets to spend a great deal of time with his dad and he would probably prefer that to any toy he's got or any that might have been on his wish list. 
The only way both your parents would have beat you for saying something similar or burned your toys in the yard is if all three of y'all lived together. Your son does not have that luxury. 
This kid wasn't born with values or manners. He was given parents to teach him such things. None of them are Masters of manners at age 5. Kids say stupid crap. They say mean and inappropriate crap...until someone teaches them a better way to interact with others. 
My grandchildren's parents separated when they were quite small and eventually divorced. During this separation time, the kids seemed unusually spoiled and materialistic. My daughter remarried, this time to a good guy but substantially poorer than their biological father. He spends time with them, builds things with them, teaches them character lessons, punishes them (reasonably). They really could care less about stuff, now but they are all excited about doing things with this new guy who has fulfilled that father role. I don't believe they ever were truly materialistic. They wanted to feel valued. They wanted time and attention. 
Your son is probably a loving, compassionate kid who is no more selfish than any other 5 year old getting loaded down with presents at Christmas. 
I wouldn't make a fuss over his comment but I'd plan an occasional outing with him where you and he prepared gift baskets for someone needy and delivered them. It's hard for him to see how blessed he is unless he sees how little some others have.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> I don't give him hand outs, I take him to the pool over summer, normal father stuff, but I'm not really sure what to do.


This is when the real 'parenting' starts. As soon as a child starts saying such things, you take them aside, sit at his level, and start talking about what it means to be grateful, what it means to be selfish, how it affects other people, and how it can affect him as a person. At an age appropriate level. And tell him that you have high hopes for him and you expect to be able to respect him for becoming the thoughtful, grateful person you know he can be.

Kids need to hear this stuff out loud, especially in broken families. Most of what my DD24 is now is from talks I've had with her about what being good means, what it looks like, what I expect from her, how it makes me proud to see how wonderful she's become. Boys especially need to hear this stuff from their dads, not their moms; boys almost universally need their dads' approval.

And if he still continues to talk that way, you calmly walk over to his gifts, point to them, and say 'which one of these do you want me to give to Good Will, since they aren't good enough for you?'


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Kids should not only hear it, but they should see it as well. We often forget that we are watched too.


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

Revamped said:


> Research your local homeless shelter.
> 
> Have him clean out his toy chest of five things, making sure they are clean and good working condition.
> 
> ...


I like this. It has an essence of poetic justice, but with a real charitable spirit behind it. 

If your son didn't like what he got for Christmas, there are plenty of people who would love to have his new toys (or some of his old ones) instead.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Faiora said:


> I like this. It has an essence of poetic justice, but with a real charitable spirit behind it.
> 
> If your son didn't like what he got for Christmas, there are plenty of people who would love to have his new toys (or some of his old ones) instead.


Every year when DD24 was growing up, we would go through her room and pick part of everything she had (books, toys, clothes, etc.), and take it to Good Will or some other charity. She got a really good sense of how to be thankful for what she had.


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## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

Every child always feels deprived of something and according to my 7yr.old daughter everyone hates her and she never gets what she wants. Last night was bc she couldnt eat at 8:30. You know you do the best. Of course we all have our ups and downs. As every one knows you can't please everyone all the time. But during these outbursts I try giving a hug. sometimes they get so caught up in their emotions they don't know how to stop.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

He's five. He's five. I have one of those too (a she though). She's also been through a lot. Divorce....sold the old house....into a new house...half the time with mom...half with me....split holidays etc. Its hard to know how much is being five, how much is divorce stuff, how much is some kids at school being a bad influence, dealing with a big sister who likes to take advantage .....even how much is me not handling things as best as I could. You didn't blow your top which is great. As others have said, teaching moments. Good times to go for a walk together, do some work in the yard together etc. and talk on his level. Correct his course a bit. Most of all love and affection.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

One of the hardest things I find about being a parent is the difference between teaching your child they're wrong and being angry at them for it. Five-year-olds don't know any better about a lot of things. You can teach them to behave differently without resenting them for being five-year-olds.


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