# Is there a win back story out there?



## Justadude (Aug 6, 2012)

Ok, I'm going through seperation/divorce hell from a cheating spouse. I still am holding onto hope, and I've heard nothing but bad stories from other injured guys on this site, and I appreciate the advise....but is there anyone out there with a positive story to make me feel there is a chance?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Amplexor (and he's a mod) is one off the top of my head where it took a long time to R properly

but the key to remember is that you can only control yourself, not your spouse and manipulating your spouse to come back will likely be an empty victory that you could end looking back on and regretting. For me the only way to R is have a WS spouse who wants to come back so bad that they work hard at regaining your trust


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Beowulf.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Calvin and CantSitStill are a couple on this board working toward R. 

Many of us are in various stages of reconciliation - hard to say if we "won her back". I think I have, for now, but that could easily change, so I don't put myself in that category yet. It takes a long time to get to a point where you feel safe and permanent.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Justadude said:


> Ok, I'm going through seperation/divorce hell from a cheating spouse. I still am holding onto hope, and I've heard nothing but bad stories from other injured guys on this site, and I appreciate the advise....but is there anyone out there with a positive story to make me feel there is a chance?


Yes. Me.  My wife had an affair, I fell into a stupid revenge affair, but we got through it all and we are still together 15+ years later. 23 years in total.:smthumbup:


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I think the biggest issue is that she's the one pushing for a separation. It's very hard to reconcile under those circumstances.

I would read the books His Needs / Her Needs, Love Busters, and 5 Love Languages. If you can get her to do the online quizzes that come with those books, that would be huge (start with 5 Love Languages because that one's short).

Will she go to marriage counseling?

Also, if I were you, I'd do the 'modified 180' which means, working on myself. Getting myself healthy, in shape, doing well at my job, and if there were things with regard to the kids or the house or finances that you could improve, work on those. But none of that is to win her back--it's because enduring an affair is exhausting and you are going to have to be at your best with her or without her. The modification part is to maintain communications. But NO begging for the marriage, because that is a huge turnoff to women--huge. You have to approach it from a situation of confidence--that you will be okay no matter what. Neediness is, well, blech


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Me and My wife I had the A she had a revenge A, over 3 yrs ago and we are doing great now


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## LoydAviles (Aug 10, 2012)

It takes a long time to get to a point where you feel safe and permanent.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Me and my chick are making it, she screwed around and I pushed her around ...we both had unhealthy behaviors that could have been brough on to our next relationships, but we delt with our own crap and as individuals own these unhealthy behaviors and desided to keep each other around.

Its been 2-1/2 years since I confronted her and we both have been meeting each outhers needs. Now that we know each others capacities and have learned the tool to prevent these unhealthy behaviors from ruining our lifes, the new marriage we both have with each other seems to be working.

Make now mistake if either one of us didn't do the heavy lifting to work on our selves as individauls, I doubt we would be were we are to day.

I personally am much happier not hit my spouse, and its great reaping these reward from this new marriage I have. As far as my fWW goes she is also a much happier person now that she no longer lives a life style of deciet, lies, and one night stands.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

I am, my story isn’t on here but my W had an A and we are 3 years in R in spite of all the mistakes I made.

When you think of winning them back, you don’t do it by competing with the AP because you simply can’t. Since you are dealing with irrational emotions you have to use reverse psychology in order to get what you want (your WS will not trust that you have their best interest at heart so will want the opposite of what you say). As a general rule, the WS will be attracted to the person they are most likely to LOSE. Normally it’s the AP as the relationship is newer and they feel insecure in it thus are afraid of doing something to scare them off. However if you tell the WS to GTFO and file for a D and they get the message that you are gone many times the WS will freak out and try to R. As long as you have one foot out the door they will be too busy trying to convince you to stay than worry about the AP.

That’s my theory anyway from reading literally hundreds of stories and my own personal experiences.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

We're also R'ing, but I certainly didn't 'win him back'. In fact I kicked him out. The only reason we are R'ing is because HE wanted to, and HE won ME back. That's the way it should be, not the BS winning the WS back.

If the WS doesn't want to, it will not work.


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