# Triggers



## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

As much as i like this site and reading and adding input on the hope that it helps i find that reading others pain can be a trigger that suddenly throws me once more back into despair anger hurt and self loathing, does this happen with anyone else and if so how do you deal with it?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mr Useless said:


> As much as i like this site and reading and adding input on the hope that it helps i find that reading others pain can be a trigger that suddenly throws me once more back into despair anger hurt and self loathing, does this happen with anyone else and if so how do you deal with it?


Help them to get through it on TAM.

There are very few other cases on TAM that perfectly mirror my circumstances. But those few that do? They do trigger me.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Sometimes things I read here bring me down. Sometimes it's encouraging to see it wasn't just me. Try to find balance and learn where and when sharing your story might help give someone else insight into their own situation.


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

Mr Useless said:


> As much as i like this site and reading and adding input on the hope that it helps i find that reading others pain can be a trigger that suddenly throws me once more back into despair anger hurt and self loathing, does this happen with anyone else and if so how do you deal with it?


What my ex did with the OM doesn't bother me. My logic is my ex was om's woman rather than mine. What bothers me is how I waited for her love during our years of marriage and was spurned, every time. I didn't even understand why. If a dog keeps wagging it's tail and following you, sometime or the other you'd scratch it's head, or at least show some sign that you acknowledge it's presence. Never happened to me. Oh well...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

RV9 said:


> What my ex did with the OM doesn't bother me. My logic is my ex was om's woman rather than mine. What bothers me is how I waited for her love during our years of marriage and was spurned, every time. I didn't even understand why. If a dog keeps wagging it's tail and following you, sometime or the other you'd scratch it's head, or at least show some sign that you acknowledge it's presence. Never happened to me. Oh well...


I think you are olaying a dangerous game RV. Decide on what you want first. Analysis by paralysis maybe ?

Things won't magically change. Things might get better or you might be regretting not getting out when you had the chance 10 years from now. We see posters like that all the time. 

You resent her so much, you have no respect for her. Your kid is not your own. What keeps you ?


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

warlock07 said:


> I think you are olaying a dangerous game RV. Decide on what you want first. Analysis by paralysis maybe ?
> 
> Things won't magically change. Things might get better or you might be regretting not getting out when you had the chance 10 years from now. We see posters like that all the time.
> 
> You resent her so much, you have no respect for her. Your kid is not your own. What keeps you ?


My life is f*cked. At least I want to let the kid have a normal life. Divorce is still a dirty word where I live. Affair - socially justifiable cause for murder. Besides, I don't trust women anymore. 

I have good days and bad days. I've abused antidepressants for the past 3 years. Now I'm in counseling for de-addiction. Half of my emotional upheaval is withdrawal symptoms. So don't mind me. Just another bad morning.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

When I found TAM I was going crazy trying to get proof of her affair. I read many different threads which helped me through a time that was incredibly difficult. Posters had no idea how much help they were to me. By reading threads and learning what I needed to apply to my situation was a blessing. I am now ten months from d-day and struggling, but I used to be lost and confused.

Now I post parts of my story when I feel it is relevant to a thread. I see many people here telling their story, revealing their pain, being lost, being confused, and desperate. I see myself in those posters and try to help them through as I remember being the exact same. It also helps that these same people are here and you are not alone. Don't get me wrong, I wish nobody had to go through this, but the cold hard fact is we are here. We are going through it, but we don't have to go alone. 

Even though I trigger, or wince in pain as something hits home, I try to get them through. I take comfort in hoping that what I write helps someone, like I was helped when I came here.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I experience lots of pain reading here but the more I face it, the more I understand myself and I have started putting that pain in boxes and filing those boxes under knowledge learned and done.


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## dkphap13 (Oct 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Help them to get through it on TAM.
> 
> There are very few other cases on TAM that perfectly mirror my circumstances. But those few that do? They do trigger me.


Omg this so funny I have been meaning to say the same thing. I actually stop reading TAM for a few weeks. Because ever time I read something that was remotely similar to my situation. I became an a55 to my wife. She actually had to tell me to stop reading for a wile and I did. But I came back because I never stop thinking about matmat's story. Reading his story gives me hope.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Useless, you need to change your user name. Its bad for your psyche to refer to yourself a worthless and it makes you sound like a self pitying chump. You're not useless. The folks that done you wrong are, (at least useless to you) Anybody can get yoked to the wrong person. Practically every person you pass has been in that situation at some point. It's happening to some folks as you read this. Like equipment, the way to deal with the loss is to replace it.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Useless, you need to change your user name. Its bad for your psyche to refer to yourself a worthless and it makes you sound like a self pitying chump. You're not useless. The folks that done you wrong are, (at least useless to you) Anybody can get yoked to the wrong person. Practically every person you pass has been in that situation at some point. It's happening to some folks as you read this. Like equipment, the way to deal with the loss is to replace it.


I agree it's not a good user name but was first thing that came into my head when i joined here when on a very low ebb, didn't realise i could change name i will go see if i can 
Thanks to everyone for your replies they all help


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

dkphap13 said:


> Omg this so funny I have been meaning to say the same thing. I actually stop reading TAM for a few weeks. Because ever time I read something that was remotely similar to my situation. I became an a55 to my wife. She actually had to tell me to stop reading for a wile and I did. But I came back because I never stop thinking about matmat's story. Reading his story gives me hope.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's cool. Glad I helped!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I found TAM shortly before I filed. I never started a thread because I wasn't really looking for advice -- just people in the same boat who knew what it felt like to be gut-punched. I stayed to let those in very long marriages like mine know you can survive divorce and be happy and at peace. I no longer have triggers since my divorce but I did up to that point -- three decades worth of them. They weren't caused by TAM though.


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