# Going thru separation but trying to work things out...



## mayre82 (Jul 26, 2011)

My hubby and I are fairly newlyweds (married less than a year), been together all together for almost 4 years. We never knew how to argue, talk thru it and reconcile. Our fights would never end, we would just kind of get over them and sweep it under the rug (I know BIG problem!) and it eventually caught up with us a few months ago. Needless to say this fight broke the camels back and I moved into a different room and after a few days moved out of the house. I explained to him that maybe we needed to figure things out and maybe just spend some time together and start enjoying each others company and get back to why we fell in love. He was pretty mad, didn't want to do that so that didn't work for about 6 weeks. I tried to see him and it never went further than just stopping by the house to get something or whatnot. 

Well I was done trying so hard and in return get nothing back from him so I sorta pressured him and on May 15th he said he did not want to be married anymore. Heartbroken and torn, I made arrangements to move everything out of the house that was mine (basically everything). That made things worse or course but I was upset and bitter and wanted him to hurt like I was hurting. Divorce was brought up a few times after that and I kept trying, not giving up. He would be mean to me, say hateful things and I just kept trying. I told him I would be there forever and I was the only person that has never walked away from him and I didn't plan on walking away ever. 

Speed up to June, we started having 'relations' with each other but no emotions involved, hey we both have needs right? Then I was telling a close friend details because I was excited and unfortunately her fiance was going back and telling my hubby what I had said. He was upset and the 'relations' came to an end. 

July. His best friend of YEARS and YEARS had a heart to heart with him and explained things to him about how he couldn't drag me around if he didn't know what he wants and basically asked him how he would feel if the roles were reversed and I said mean stuff to him. Light switch came on!

Things have been good since the beginning of this month, we are taking things day by day and enjoying each others company. We text basically all day, talk a lot and hang out often and I am very excited. My friends and family are pressuring me to see when I plan on moving back home but I am not in a rush. 3 weeks of good time is not enough to determine if we are ready to jump back into our marriage. I explain to people this way: I would rather take baby steps towards happiness rather than giant leaps towards divorce.

A little about me. I am not innocent, I know I had an attitude problem and could be downright mean sometimes. I have changed for the better FOR MYSELF. My anger has vanished since I started kickboxing and after being alone for a while and looking back at our entire relationship and how I acted, I see why he would want a divorce. I was mean, hateful and complained a lot. I can honestly say I have changed and am happy with myself for once. That is the thing, I do not know the last time I was truly happy with myself. BIG STEP!!

Now here is my dilemma. He doesn't like when I talk about my feelings, get upset or cry and when I get into the details of his life. He says he likes to come and go as he pleases without any worries or stress in his life. I know for a fact there is no other woman, he is enjoying his time with his friends.

What can I do to make this easier on him and not stress him out? I go a few days with everything being fine and then a few days later I am an emotional wreck. 

Help please!


----------

