# Having relations outside marriage



## oregonduck (Jun 29, 2009)

okay here is the deal, my wife and I have never clicked sexually. I.e. she has a low sex drive and I have a high one. In addition, I am attracted to black women and she is white. I have been dating black women for sometime now. I do not think it is fair to continue to have a relationship outside my marriage. Right now I have a girlfriend. Since I continue to do this, should I consider divorce/separation even though we have three kids together. Or should I try and work it out and cease my activites.....I am just not sure I can.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

yes get divorced


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Hmmm....interesting...you like black girls but married a white one and now you're cheating on her with black girls and you wonder if you should stay married and keep up the deception or if you should stop what you're doing and work on the marriage but you aren't sure you can...interesting

Well, I'm pretty sure you're not really looking for advice but I'll give you some anyway. If you want to work on your marriage then stop what you're doing with women who aren't your wife...do all you can not to tell her of your affairs because that will destroy her and your marriage.

If you don't think you can stop, then by all means divorce the poor woman.

You might try and find some dignity too...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

JDPreacher said:


> Hmmm....interesting...you like black girls but married a white one and now you're cheating on her with black girls and you wonder if you should stay married and keep up the deception or if you should stop what you're doing and work on the marriage but you aren't sure you can...interesting
> 
> Well, I'm pretty sure you're not really looking for advice but I'll give you some anyway. If you want to work on your marriage then stop what you're doing with women who aren't your wife...do all you can not to tell her of your affairs because that will destroy her and your marriage.
> 
> ...


I agree. :iagree:


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## oregonduck (Jun 29, 2009)

Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate all the reponses. I think I am very selfish and need to concentrate on working on having my wife satisfy my desires.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

oregonduck said:


> Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate all the reponses. I think I am very selfish and need to concentrate on working on having my wife satisfy my desires.


good. but because you are selfish you have so work to do yourself. this ain't gonna fix overnight.

remember...better/worse; richer/poorer; sickness/health; til death do you part. and best i can tell neither one of you is dead.

good luck, duck. see you september 5th on the blue turf! call it the uniform bowl! two best unis in college football!


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

blah, blah, blah. Another person who doesn't want to take responsibility for the choices they made. 

Get a divorce. Let her find someone who values her. 

She needs you like a hole in the head.


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## Conflicted (Jun 24, 2009)

If you are into black woman i don't see how you will want to make it work as you will always be into black woman... you need to be honest with yourself first.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

She didnt satisfy you sexually so you went and just started cheating on your wife? Whats wrong with you? First, dont tell her what you've done. Second, get a divorce, she deserves far better then what you have to offer.

Don't fathers teach their sons about being a husband and what it means to be married anymore? Im so disappointed in my fellow man. My wife and I have major sexual issues. (except when she wants to get pregnant, oddly enough) I have never, and would never even consider cheating on her. I have dignity, pride and a sense of honor and responsibility taught to me by my own father to such an extent that the whole idea is foreign to me. How do you ever justify that sort of behavior to yourself? nevermind, I dont want to know.

Men need to grow up and start acting like men. And our women need to have more sex with us.




John


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## kozzy (Jul 2, 2009)

"Men need to grow up and start acting like men. And our women need to have more sex with us."

This is the most profound statement I've read in a long time. John, you are a gentleman and a scholar. God bless.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Hmmm....maybe if more men would grow up and start acting like men, their women would be more inclined to have sex with them!


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> Men need to grow up and start acting like men. And our women need to have more sex with us.
> 
> 
> John


I think I'm going to frame this and hang it on my wall...

Or at least put it in my signature.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> Hmmm....maybe if more men would grow up and start acting like men, their women would be more inclined to have sex with them!


I think that was part was implied in his statement


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## Enough!!! (Feb 1, 2010)

Currently, being in your WIFES shoes, i will attempt to keep this polite as possible.
Seriously man, are you friggen insane. Bit late for those questions now isn't it? What makes you think that staying together in your marriage is actually your decision? That bond, that foundation (they call it trust... ever heard of it?) is already broken. Sounds to me like she should never have trusted you in the first place. That fact that you question if you should stay or go, tells me that you have no remorse at all.
Set your wife free, be a man and allow her the life and love she deserves. Then do yourself a favour, move to India... all the black women you want!


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> Hmmm....maybe if more men would grow up and start acting like men, their women would be more inclined to have sex with them!


Oh YEA?!?!!??!! Well maybe if women had more sex with us men we might be inclined to act like men (and grow up)!!!!

hahahaha


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

I think it's called cheating. And it's never a good idea.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

Mommybean said:


> Hmmm....maybe if more men would grow up and start acting like men, their women would be more inclined to have sex with them!





63Vino said:


> Oh YEA?!?!!??!! Well maybe if women had more sex with us men we might be inclined to act like men (and grow up)!!!!
> 
> hahahaha


The chicken definitely came before the egg!


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## SafetyTool (Feb 2, 2010)

oregonduck said:


> Thank you so much everyone. I really appreciate all the reponses. I think I am very selfish and need to concentrate on working on having my wife satisfy my desires.


LOL. Why would your wife want to satisfy your desires at this point? Geez. If all you need her to do is satify your desire perhaps you should do her a favor and divorce her so she can have a chance to get on with life and actually be able to live.


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## rick_bachman (Jan 27, 2010)

Well, while I agree with everyone's statements, there are some people that have a difficult time staying faithful. It is not cheating if your spouse is ok with the affairs.

How do you get your wife to be ok with the affairs? Talk to her about it, and about your needs. Be honest. What are the reasons that made you stray in the first place. 

I mean if you guys were never compatible in the first place, then most likely she would be ok and let you have your fun given a specific set of rules that you two work out between yourself.

Check out the Ethical S L U T - it may open your eyes a bit. (apparently the censor is blocking the words)

http://bit.ly/bgdcWM -


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Did anyone notice that this thread is from July and that the original poster hasn't posted on here since then? 

This is just thread necromancy (bringing back a dead thread)


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

NM,
When your wife wants to have sex - to make a baby what do you say to her?



NothingMan said:


> She didnt satisfy you sexually so you went and just started cheating on your wife? Whats wrong with you? First, dont tell her what you've done. Second, get a divorce, she deserves far better then what you have to offer.
> 
> Don't fathers teach their sons about being a husband and what it means to be married anymore? Im so disappointed in my fellow man. My wife and I have major sexual issues. (except when she wants to get pregnant, oddly enough) I have never, and would never even consider cheating on her. I have dignity, pride and a sense of honor and responsibility taught to me by my own father to such an extent that the whole idea is foreign to me. How do you ever justify that sort of behavior to yourself? nevermind, I dont want to know.
> 
> ...


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## bacala787 (Feb 7, 2010)

if you're both ok being open with others then is it possible to stay together to support / raise those kids?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

to the OP, i would be curious where your situation is today versus June of last year, i hope you divorced so you could pursue your desires without all the drama.

to the posters who are putting the onus of the sexual relationship on the mans shoulders, please dont just sit back and wait on your man to do everything right for you before you will provide him with the intimacy he desires. reach out a little bit. acknowledge your own pitfalls. this is nothing more than using sex as a weapon, something i have seen many of you say shouldnt be done.

and yes, it works both ways


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## rick_bachman (Jan 27, 2010)

bacala787 said:


> if you're both ok being open with others then is it possible to stay together to support / raise those kids?


People do it all the time. It all comes down to what you are expecting in the relationship. If you are both honest with each other and then why would that stop you when kids are involved? You would have worked out the details about kids.


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## Ayan (Nov 26, 2011)

if you don't want to be with her and are/will see other women then be a MAN and let her no that the marriage is not working out and you will be there for the children financially and emotionally. 

Simple as that-


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Oregonduck is either incredibly 'educationally challenged' or he has a wicked sense of humour!

I think the latter....!! He's managed to get two pages of responses from people who thought he was asking a serious question!

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I have a fetish for black, brown and dark-skinned women too. That won't change, you just have to make your decision and stick to it.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Mommybean said:


> Hmmm....maybe if more men would grow up and start acting like men, their women would be more inclined to have sex with them!


Well he did say both and even mentioned men acting like men first. So what did you add?


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