# Wandering eyes?



## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

I see there has been many threads but wanted to get input on mine details...

We had dated for about a year, very rocky, very unstable, and I ended up leaving her as I was not happy.

I found god and in doing so, realized that I was not being the man god intended me to be and learned to forgive her for the things we struggled with he went through.

So after a couple months of zero communications, I reached out to her and she found the strength to let god into her life and has been just awesome... I mean, a real turn around from the "party girl" she was before.

So we have been seeing each other again now for about 45 days and although past creeps into a day or two, we manage to work through and discuss it.

We have both stopped drinking, we have both stopped going to bars, we have both made better choices of who we spend time with and removed those negative elements, and we go to church together every week.

We had a church function over the weekend and while we were there, there was an attractive male (much younger than we) and they both continued to make eye contact with each other. When I finally noticed him, I would watch him and when he would look at her, he would see that I saw him and quickly look away. After about 15 minutes of them still continuing to make eye contact, I asked her if she found him attractive. She got instantly "offended" and really upset. She said lets go and proceeded to leave and walk ahead of me to the point that I stopped and she continued and didnt even notice.

Later, after a heated discussion, she admitted that she found him attractive and that their eyes met a couple of times but then proceeded to blame me for being insecure and accusing her of "lusting".

Not sure why im here... I feel that it was very disrespectful for anyone to make eye contact over and over with the opposite sex if you are in a committed relationship.

When asked if she would have liked it if I did it, she said she would not like it.

I know she loves me... and I love her... but I just dont know what else I can say to her to get her to understand how damaging it is for us.....

I mean, I have told her in great detail of how I feel, how it makes me feel, and what it means to me... and her response is... you know im a people watcher, "what, do you want me to just stare at you or the floor the entire time we are out together?"....

Just venting I guess as I dont have anyone I know that I can share with and when I try to discuss it with her... she gets very upset...

Venting........ does feel better to just write it out and see it....

Maybe I just over reacted and should not have said anything to her... she loves me, I know she would not cheat on me... I just find it very disrespectful to me...


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

You can't expect her to look at the floor constantly but you can and should identify boundaries that can never be crossed without real consequences. You say you have been discussing your relationship as you hadn't in the past. Have you laid out what is acceptable and what behavior is not for the both of you?

Seasalt


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

Well, it just happened a few days ago (Friday night) so I did really relay what my expectations were... she just didnt seem to like them at that time... giving her some time to think it over so not bringing it back up...

And def not expecting her to not people watch.. it is something she has done since day one... I just find the repeating eye contact with a man from across the room disrespectful...

I just have to stand my ground on it... people watch all you want.. but when a man catches your eye and you are constantly making eye contact... it is damaging for our relationship and could result in another break....


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

Not sure what else to do or how to handle it... I guess it boils down to this... if she loves and cares about me and my feelings... she will be willing to stay within the boundaries of acceptable behavior in regards to eye contact... 

Its pretty insulting for anyone to tell you eye contact from across a room should be acceptable.. as we have all been single.. and we all know what that means... 

If she had been alone, and both single, they would have approached each other for a conversation... 

So I guess... either your single.. or your committed and wanting a more from this relationship than a "filler".


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

You are human. So is she. You WILL both notice people of the opposite sex who are attractive. So they saw eachother. So. It's not like she went home with him.

Also, if you make her feel bad for looking anywhere at all, it's going to be the end of your relationship. Mark my words.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

J&J said:


> Maybe I just over reacted and should not have said anything to her... she loves me, I know she would not cheat on me...


Well there you go.


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

jellybeans, I feel ya.. there is just so much more to the story of our past that I really just dont care to share... but it was rough (no cheating but words/comments).

I just feel that she is falling back into that person that I left as it was not right or good for me and my life. She knows this.. but I just wonder... will she ever stop needing attention from other men.. will I ever be enough to satisfy that sickness....

I tell her she is beautiful everyday, I do random acts to show I love her, send sweet text of thinking of her, I buy her random gifts, have candles and flowers ready when she gets home, surprise her constantly, never let her touch a door handle or anything, house or car, PDA is not an issue for me at all.. i love to show it.....

I am an attractive guy, I make 6 figures a year, and my children are grown...

I just feel that her actions speak differently than her words.... I mean, if you tell someone you love them, and they are everything to you, and that they love everything about you... then why seek attention of other men... 

I guess im just to sensitive for this woman... my expectations will never be met or satisfied... we are very much in love... I just cant explain why I cant accept and have faith in her commitment .... 

I guess in reality, I have not forgiven her for the past...

I dont want to lose her.. but I know you cant change people.. only they can do that....

Again, im just venting.. enjoying the feedback as it does make me think... does give me a perspective that may not be like mine...


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

And... as far as sex... I am very sexual... 3 times a day, everyday.. I mean.. really... and it is great.. she REALLY enjoys it and never leaves unsatisfied .. so before that comes into a thought.. intimacy is DEF not an issue or concern here..


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi J&J, sorry to hear what is going on. I inserted some comments below, hope it helps.



J&J said:


> jellybeans, I feel ya.. there is just so much more to the story of our past that I really just dont care to share... but it was rough (no cheating but words/comments).
> 
> It sounds like you two need to learn communication skills. It is very important for the one with the hurt feelings to be able to express them correctly and for the offender to be able to really listen and then *validate and apologies*. For some people this is something that has to be taught. You can read books on it or you can seek counseling that can teach you this. This is number one important.
> 
> ...


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

Thank you so much for your feedback... very much appreciated, sincerely...

I don't want to give up on her.. I still think that with time and the proper counseling, she can move past her childhood abuse and the men that she has had in her life... married twice to some not so healthy men.. and the choices she has made through out her life I think has taught her some very bad habits... I was married and faithful to one woman for 23 years, since I was 16.. so I only know what i know (your reference above)... so I do struggle with why she does what she does.. ....

Ive never had one night stands, never had friends with benefits.. only 2 relationships in the past 42 years...her being the 2nd one...

I just know, that when your in love and have committed your heart and mind to someone.. you dont act like this... so it confuses me greatly to know she can do it and think it is acceptable.. but then again.. she has had so many relationships, marriages, and been single for some time...

I am a baby.... she is a worldly person... am I just expecting to much from someone with her life experiences?


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

You can't control her, but you can control how you react to her "wandering eyes". Since you say she loves you and has been true to you, maybe you are taking this behavior a little too personally.

Another vote for counseling... But for you. Jealously is not only unattractive, but can destroy a relationship. Left untended to, it very well may end up being the thing that has her leaving you for someone more confident, and less controlling.

Just look at her response to your accusation(s). Did your words/actions draw her closer to you or push her away?


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I echo what others have said; you can't stop people looking and you can't stop people finding others physically attractive.

If you want to cut down on such activity by drawing attention to it maybe you would have been better served by saying to her "Wow, that guy seemed to like you. But then why wouldn't he? You're a beautiful woman." You are putting everything onto the other guy and complimenting your girlfriend whilst still making it abundantly clear that you notice such behaviour.


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## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

J&J, this isn't about you or how great you are...loving, caring, understanding, how much you make or what a sensual lover you are, etc. It's about her "illness" and how she self medicates with seeking attention from men. 

I've know so, so many people like her and there's a wide spectrum. On the low end are the one's who look to see if they can catch someone's eye, like she did, and it's enough to make them feel validated. The middle of the spectrum would be to flirt and interact maybe to the point some type of interaction. 

Then there's the high end which include multiple affairs and a lot of one night stands...actually had a married neighbor who was on this end. We finally had to move when our 4yo saw her with a guy that wasn't her husband and said something about it. 

You and I are not like that but your GF and my H are. It's hard to understand how someone can be so insecure and not see the disrespect it causes to us, but they're not thinking about us at those times. My H now gets it and tries really hard to rein it in...he's been on the lower and middle areas of the spectrum over a period of 20 years. He's not perfect and never will be but he is much better at controlling it...although after a few drinks at a company xmas party he got caught staring at a girl and I instantly called him on it.

So she's broken and you can't fix her. She may be able to get help but has to do the work and make the commitment to change or at least understanding and controlling herself. If she has done this and this is a far as she's willing to go, then you need to ask yourself if it's enough for you. This is where it becomes about you and not her. Can you accept that she feels the need for attention and may always crave it? Can you accept that you might have to make some changes on your behalf and meet her half way??? If you can't then you might want to reconsider taking this relationship any further.


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

I am going to sit down with her in a few days (let the event pass and for her to mull over it) and just really put it on the table. 

I mean, really put it on the table of how it makes me feel...

As I have done for her to meet certain needs and requirements.. if she really wants to invest into this relationship, she will understand and at least attempt to adjust her behavior...

For me.. if I really think about it...

1) It is disrespecting ... and not only from her to me.. but from the men and myself. "man, that guy must really be a loser if his woman cant do anything but stare me down from across the room and make eye contact constantly).. yea well.. i know this one is going to have some feedback 
2) I feel that if she loves me, then she wouldn't feel the need to seek the attention of other men.. as this is what and how I show love and respect to her.. I DONT DO IT....
3) Gets VERY defensive when I do bring up the topic and Friday night even threatened to end the relationship over it.
4) Gets very upset at the idea of me doing it (when i asked her) and even during Saturday's service at church, asked me "what do you keep looking at" when I looked around the room. Double standard?


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

The other book JustHer probably means is His Needs Her Needs.

Good luck


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

1) I highly doubt that is what most men are thinking whilst making eye contact with a hot chick. I'd wager you are the last thing on their minds.
2) Fair enough
3) If you bring it up in a controlling way then I am not surprised.
4) So, her looking took place on Friday? And then you were looking round the room on Saturday? Having told her that you don't? Besides, I would find it rather embarrassing if I was attending church with my husband and he started gaping around the room even if he was only counting the bricks in the ceiling. Aren't you supposed to be paying attention to the vicar?


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I'm with you on this based on what you said. I don't think we shouldn't be able to look at other people just because we are in a relationship but that is a lot different than "stealing glances" across the room with someone else while your significant other is there too. Or even if they weren't around it is inappropriate if in a commited and exclusive relationship. 

And I also agree that I'd be upset about the double standard. I'm not being flippant but there must be some quote in the bible about that, right? 

She's defensive because for some reason it is hard for her to apologize and admit she was wrong in hurting your feelings. Even if you misinterpretted what was going on, perception is reality and she needs to make an effort in helping you feel better. 

Now, I will say that if this is something that you do ALL THE TIME then it does get exhausting having to make the other person feel better. But if this was the first time you noticed it and talked to her about it, I don't understand the defensiveness. 

I remember once when I was out with my boyfriend, our waitress was VERY endowed. I knew everytime he stared across the room she was standing there trying not to topple over. I lightly snapped my fingers in front of his face and said, "Hello. I'm right over here." and started laughing. I made my point without being angry. Even though deep down I was a little peeved. 

But that was my boyfriend staring at a set of b**bies. Extended and multiple eye contact would be a bigger concern for me.


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

1) I agree.. but he and I kept making eye contact after I became aware and he would divert... to me, I would have rather he give me a thumbs up at least ...lol
3) All I asked was "do you think he is attractive"... she blew up...
4) Friday night was at the same Church, a church function. I have been going to this church much longer than she has and was supposed to have friends that I normally attend come but most were unable. As this was the first time she was able to attend at the groups regular time, i wanted them to meet her and even sent texts to that affect. But I can see your point..

She is just so jealous.. but doesnt hold herself to the same standards she holds me to.


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

stealing glances..... that is the verbiage i was looking for...


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Well, it's clear you need to talk things through with her, but if she is very jealous then you will have to try to find a very mild non-accusatory way to do it. Otherwise she will just blow up and you will get nowhere. Sounds like there is a lot of back story between the two of you.

Good luck.


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

IrishGirlVA, 

When we got back to my place, she was hot...and as we discussed it, I tried to reason with her...

Why are you so upset? "Yes, he was attractive, yes our eyes met several times, but it was because he was standing between me and the dance floor so I couldnt help but see him" For you to ask me if I thought he was attractive was not cool"......... UMM.... denial?

Again, why this upset... I said, really dig deep within your heart.. do you think the eye contact and leering was appropriate? " well I can see where you might not like it" UUmmm.. denial?

I said, aren't you this upset right now because you knew it was wrong and you got caught? You admitted he was attractive, you admitted the two of you kept catching each others eyes, you knew how I felt, you knew our past and the struggles..... "You say one more word to me and im leaving, im soooo pissed right now"


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> Well, it's clear you need to talk things through with her, but if she is very jealous then you will have to try to find a very mild non-accusatory way to do it. Otherwise she will just blow up and you will get nowhere. Sounds like there is a lot of back story between the two of you.
> 
> Good luck.


Whew... boy is there ever... I left her two months after moving in with her as she promised it would change things... it didnt.. I had to leave...

We have found god.. we are working on each other's faults, we are not the same as before... really.. but what comes so naturally to me, being faithful mind, body, and soul, I feel she struggles with and is masking it to keep me engaged... but what happens when the mask comes off?......


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

Well.. ok... so more of the story... 

After I left her, she became very angry with me (I have never had anyone break up with me in 36 years, FU)....

So I did get upset with some things she said and did and I did share DETAILS of our relationship that I wish I had not... we both did.. so there is no taking back what we shared with friends and family....

Her 2nd marriage has been over for 7 years and has had several relationships since... but her ex husband will JUST NOT LEAVE HER ALONE.... so he has threatened and fought and argued with every guy she has dated, including me... threatened to kill me .. seriously... 

His parents (grand parents) are very much involved with the kids (respectfully so... should be!)..,..

So they help with the kids, they assist with money sometimes, they are very much in their day to day lives.. but there are no boundaries...

So after we split.. she must have shared with her ex husband, his parents, her friends, her co workers, her family things that really have them going "wtf.. were you stupid?"... I have no idea what was said so this is just the feeling i get.....

Soo.. fast forward 2 months... I reach out... we reconcile and start working on ourselves first and then our relationship.. has been working SOOOO good..

BUT... as I have shared with my family, friends, children, that we are seeing each other again, SHE has not. She doesnt want her friends or coworkers knowing (has shared with 2 at work but not her "party buddy", her mom called yesterday while she was at my house and when her mom asked if she had spoke to me "nope, havent heard from him"....

So.. I mean, I get it.. why get everyone all up in a tissy when we are trying to work it out and see if things work out.. taking it slow...i really get it.. 

If the ex found out, he would be all over it.. being an a$$....
If the ex inlaws found out.. they would cry and make her feel bad...
If the kids found out... (which last night she slipped up while we were on the phone and the oldest one (my fav and she loves me too) asked if it was me and she told them no...
If the "party friends" at work found out, they would take **** to her...

I dont know.. its all coming to a head.. I think that the wandering eye thing just leads me to believe there is no hope with all the other details are taken into consideration... 

I love her, i KNOW she loves me in the only way she knows how... 

I dont know what im doing... i dont want to lose her but only being able spend quality time but for 4 days a month (only doesnt have the kids every other weekend) + the wandering eye + the jealousy + I have to answer texts or the phone or she flips out....

........

I'm too old for this $h^t


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

sooo.. that was .. little off topic lol... 

back to thread topic I guess....

Quick question....

She has "wandering eyes".. but then she asks me, what does "wandering eye" mean exactly..

So what do you feel is a "wandering eye"?
When does a "wandering eye" go to far?
When the "wandering eye" is noticed by the opposite sex (the "target"), and they continue to make eye contact from across the room, over and over and over.... what is this called?


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

What exactly do you love about her? Just an honest question.


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

JustHer said:


> What exactly do you love about her? Just an honest question.


.... you made my heart skip...

My 2nd relationship... 23 years on the first one...and she is so different than my first wife in many ways... 

The typical reasons...
- She is beautiful
- She makes me feel so amazing when it is just us (we call it the bubble)
- She makes me smile just from thinking about her...
- I feel so excited when she is with me..
- I never felt this way for anyone else, not even my exwife of 23 years...
- I love that she is kind hearted towards others
- She is thrifty and conservative
- She gives me a drive inside me like I have never felt.. to be more, to achieve more, to want me from life
- She loves to travel as I do
- She loves to dance as I do...

I dont know.. I mean.. when I look at her, I really see someone I can go to my rocking chair with...


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## J&J (Jan 27, 2014)

BUT...

Then the real world kicks in... her kids, the ex, the exlaws, the distance, the time were able to spend together, the history, her wandering eye, 

This thread makes me sad... because I am able to see and get feedback that hardens me to really think if this is what i want for the rest of my life... will I ever be able to handle her thirst for attention from other men... /sad....


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> I echo what others have said; you can't stop people looking and you can't stop people finding others physically attractive.
> 
> If you want to cut down on such activity by drawing attention to it maybe you would have been better served by saying to her "Wow, that guy seemed to like you. But then why wouldn't he? You're a beautiful woman." You are putting everything onto the other guy and complimenting your girlfriend whilst still making it abundantly clear that you notice such behaviour.


:iagree: This is great advice.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sounds like a lot of lying from someone who has found God.

I think transparency from both of you is essential to build the trust you would need for marriage. Start getting it, or get out, I say.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

J&J said:


> .... you made my heart skip...
> 
> My 2nd relationship... 23 years on the first one...and she is so different than my first wife in many ways...
> 
> ...



*The above comments are just something to consider. One of the reasons I asked this is because I got a little feeling that you are very, very physically attracted to the outer package. But maybe not so much so to what is actually inside. Just food for thought.*


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

You are in the Limerence period of a new relationship. Once that wears off (it always does) you will be left with resentments over the family thing and the eyes thing. Probably the way she treats you too:

"You say one more word to me and im leaving, im soooo pissed right now" 

What was your response to this?


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

Oh, and you certainly did have the same hot feelings for your W when you first met... you just can't remember it now because it was so long ago. Plus, your mind is clouded over (read FOG) with your feelings with your hot new love. 

In this state we always gloss over defects/faults, even sometimes spinning them into something good.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

bobbieb65 said:


> J&J, this isn't about you or how great you are...loving, caring, understanding, how much you make or what a sensual lover you are, etc. It's about her "illness" and how she self medicates with seeking attention from men.
> 
> I've know so, so many people like her and there's a wide spectrum. On the low end are the one's who look to see if they can catch someone's eye, like she did, and it's enough to make them feel validated. The middle of the spectrum would be to flirt and interact maybe to the point some type of interaction.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

a lot of useful information in this post. OP - I'm sorry but the way you describe her she seems like a really bad bet in terms of marriage. seems like the script for her cheating on you is already written, all she needs is to do now is marry you.

the rochyness and instability you had with her in the past should tell you something about what kind of future you'll have with her.........


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

I wouldn't marry her.

Like you said.. you are to old for this sh*t. She just has way to much baggage and you need to be honest with yourself. Do you really want to live stressed out all of the time? Whether its the ex, the exinlaws, her past, her wandering eye, etc.. it is just way to much baggage at the end of the day. 

Usually, it shouldn't matter if your partner glances at the opposite sex for a moment. It's just the way a lot of people are programmed. It is no different than checking out the actors in the movies. However, your girl was insanely rude about it. For her to keep locking eyes with this guy to satisfy her ego with you next to her.. was intentional. She was rude when you asked her about it and she 'does find him attractive' and then threatened to leave you. Sounds like a headache.

And you are right. It's a HUGE ego boost when some guy's girl that is sitting next to him is giving you that 'damn' look.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

J&J said:


> *We had dated for about a year, very rocky, very unstable, and I ended up leaving her as I was not happy.*
> 
> *I found god *and in doing so, realized that I was not being the man god intended me to be and learned to forgive her for the things we struggled with he went through.
> 
> ...


Ok...it's only been a Month and a half since you & she has made this new change in your lives.. .finding GOD... Take it from me ...someone who has been around Church people for over 24 yrs.. pretty steady belonging.. I have seen people come on like a Freight train in being involved, flying high...on fire for God, changed their lives only to crash and burn and all go straight back to where they were.. Seen it time & time & time again.. without proper discipline (it makes no difference if you are going to church...and inward drive / incentive to change your lives around.. it has to come from something within...

Is this really what is motivating her...or just a desire to be with you... If she is still hanging around her partying friends, you might as well hang this up.. (though it is still early )



J&J said:


> *And... as far as sex... I am very sexual... 3 times a day, everyday.. I mean.. really... and it is great.. she REALLY enjoys it and never leaves unsatisfied .. so before that comes into a thought.. intimacy is DEF not an issue or concern here.*.


 Comebine this with Just Her's assessment 


> The typical reasons...
> - She is beautiful *I fear this is 90% of the reason why*
> - She makes me feel so amazing when it is just us (we call it the bubble) *Not really about her traits*
> - She makes me smile just from thinking about her... *again, not about her traits*
> ...


 with all THAT sex (3 times a [email protected]#)....and how beautiful she is .... (top of your list, she is HOT)...you are still in the awesome 'Infatuation" -she is so amazing stage..... this is the time we overlook those waving red flags.......You can not say if this is Love... it is too early..... as for a lasting "Compatibility".. with all the issues you have shared here ....it would be a mountain climb...your beginnings with this woman - you were NOT happy..and it didn't work -in less than a year... breaking up... your belief that she has "found God" and will change her ways... please don't be fooled...with anything lasting.. only time and a proved stability can weigh these things out... 



J&J said:


> I don't want to give up on her.. I still think that with time and the proper counseling, she can move past her childhood abuse and the men that she has had in her life... married twice to some not so healthy men.. and the choices she has made through out her life I think has taught her some very bad habits...* I was married and faithful to one woman for 23 years, since I was 16.*. so I only know what i know (your reference above)... so I do struggle with why she does what she does.. ....
> 
> *Ive never had one night stands, never had friends with benefits.. only 2 relationships in the past 42 years...her being the 2nd one...*
> 
> ...


 Life long habits that SHE FEELS are "acceptable" is what I get from this post... I am not sure you can convince her of your convictions on these things, as it's never been a foundation of hers... I will agree, we can't expect our partners to never notice the opposite sex.. but when we are attached, in love, committed, we don't lock eyes and escalate glances for enjoyment and validation..we look away...and grab the arm of our partner.. This is respectful. 

Her getting all defensive is so telling -that she wants to slam "insecurity" in your face - as to take no self awareness to her own behavior - but belittling your feelings.. No...it's not the response of a woman who cares to treat her man RIGHT.. 



> BUT... as I have shared with my family, friends, children, that we are seeing each other again, *SHE has not*. *She doesnt want her friends or coworkers knowing (has shared with 2 at work but not her "party buddy", her mom called yesterday while she was at my house and when her mom asked if she had spoke to me "nope, havent heard from him"....*
> 
> So.. I mean, I get it.. why get everyone all up in a tissy when we are trying to work it out and see if things work out.. taking it slow...i really get it..
> 
> ...


 She loves you in the only way SHE KNOWS HOW.. I am not sure that HOW is ever going to satisfy your thirst ...she can not even tell her children she is with you.. how is this working going to church... if she can't stand up to her Party friends.. How does she feel hiding this from all of these people in her life...



JustHer said:


> *I got a little feeling that you are very, very physically attracted to the outer package. But maybe not so much so to what is actually inside. Just food for thought.*










I am feeling he is in a FOG right now....and what he wants is overriding his perception ... Experts say...if you can manage to make it to 18 months plus and still feel what you describe.. (the good, happiness, love, even great sex) -you have beat the odds.. but here you are - you couldn't last a year before... and this is just into another 45 days of reconciliation... with mounting concerns all over again.. 

I am sorry.... I think you deserve better.. you sound much more stable & ready for a lasting relationship -with honesty and proper boundaries.


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