# Considering divorce after 18 years



## slgttc (Mar 4, 2012)

Hi I'm new to this forum and I guess I'm looking for a little friendly input. I have been with my husband 18 years except for a seperation five years ago for two years during which time we both dated other people. We ended up getting back together and I got pregnant with our now 2 year old daughter.
We have always had a rocky relationship and we have always fough a lot which i believe has played a tremendous role on where we are now. He says he loves me all the time and tries to be intimate with me a lot. I generally refuse because I dont feel attracted to him anymore. He says the past is the past and I need to let it go but there has been so many hurtful fights and awful things said by us both. I constantly think that I would like to date someone else. I did try to leave recently and he became very upset and I felt bad and came back. He concluded that things would change would get better...ect.
He has honestly been trying this pass month and its like I wont give him that chance because I feel like to much has been done in the past. I am very irratible to him, like he cant please me no matter what, I'm always looking for excuses to be away from him and I almost resent him because I feel like I'm staying out of guilt that he loves me our daughter and a little fear of being alone. I care about him and he is a good father and has some good qualities that women look for in husband. 
I feel like I'm sacraficing love, I dont feel like I am in love with him and thats not fair to either of us. So do I just keep going through the motions and raise our daughter and smile on the outside, I say sometimes it could be worse?? And I wander sometimes maybe I just am being selfish and wanting to much.


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## Marcy222 (Mar 6, 2012)

Divorce is hard, real hard. My husband cheated on me for the past 12 years, with the same woman. She left her husband December of 2010, he left me Feb. of 2011. I found him cheating half a dozen times, I stayed because I was scared. Scared of starting over, scared because of finances, just plain scared. I was miserable, depressed, scared, well guess what, It's been one year since he's left and I'm the happiest I've ever been. Mentally, not worrying about where he is and what he's doing. The hard part, finances, I'm poor. Divorce, if you have a good divorce attorney, very expensive...real expensive. Before this divorce I was debt free, now one year later, I'm up to my neck in debt. Mentally I've never felt better, money wise, I'm poor. If people are considering divorce because they think the grass is greener, don't do it. No matter who you find or end up with you'll always have problems. I had no choice, he was leaving. The hardest part was money. It makes you poor! If you get along, if he's kind, if he's a decent human being, try to make your marriage work.


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## HisMrs83 (Aug 8, 2011)

Can I be honest? I think you should ask yourself why you stayed all those years. Sometimes, I really believe love is about the chase for some people. If you fought yourself to love him and show him love for that long, why wouldn't you let him fight to show you the same? If he is trying his best to make you happy, you owe that to yourself to let him. If you allowed yourself to be unhappy for so long and now he's trying, where did the love that you had while he made you so UNhappy go?


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## trinidadchick (Oct 24, 2012)

girl, why you stayed in there so long? what made you guys go back after 2 whole years apart? just gave in...."worth the work?" awwwwww, well this post is old so hopefully something gave one way or the other. maybe you never really loved him...the way you think a person should love another in a romantic relationship?


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

The most important thing is to consider your own emotional needs. You need unconditional love, intimacy and happiness - everyone does. This is not being selfish.
If you are unsure what to do, imagine your daughter coming to you with the same problem. What would you advise her to do?
That will give you the answer. It may seem difficult to follow your heart sometimes but ultimately there is no other path to a truly happy life - which is the example every parent wants to set for their children.
Consider yourself first, have courage, and you will be amazed at what comes out to meet you in love and support.
All the best!


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