# Can a lady get a break??



## helpwanted (Sep 16, 2012)

Husband got home from work we had a nice dinner. The whole time we were sitting there eating he was watching tv and all I could think about was start the conversation. You know what to say, you know how you feel.

I put it aside and started cleaning up from dinner. Everything was fine he was normal. I think he could tell something was bothering me due to my mental distance. Didn't ask me if I was ok. I guess I am use to that though so it didn't bother to much.

After i was finished cleaning up after supper I was trying to think of a way I could start the conversation or initiate sex. So I told him I was going to shower. I made sure I left a few things in the other bathroom so I had to walk past him to grab them. I made sure i wore his favorite underwear and bra. I went to the bathroom undressed and called his name just to make sure i had his attention. I walk out of the room and said never mind and proceeded to walk to the bathroom to get it myself. 

He took one look at me and I smiled and gave him the whole come get me eyes, his eyes went back to the tv. I was so aggravated after that. I went showered and dressed and went to lay down and read my book.

An hour later he came to bed. What I don't understand is he got into bed got comfortable and then asked me why i was so far away on the bed. Told me to move over closer to him so he can feel my skin. I was like It might work! So i took my shirt off snuggled into his skin and started to slowly move my hand down his back gave him a half massage half tickle with my nails. I moved my hand close to area and I felt the rejection setting in so I stopped. Minutes later he was sleeping.

I laid there a good couple hours thinking about what is wrong with me. What is wrong with him. What can i do next time.. All sorts of things. I just don't understand. 

I Just want to make sweet/rough love to my husband! DAMNIT!!


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

My theory is sometimes guys just need a kick in the head. 

My advice....be blatent and extremely obvious. Slip on something sexy....pull out those crazy heels....walk in front of the tv....be playful and try to pull him into the bedroom. 

Good luck! 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## helpwanted (Sep 16, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> My theory is sometimes guys just need a kick in the head.
> 
> My advice....be blatent and extremely obvious. Slip on something sexy....pull out those crazy heels....walk in front of the tv....be playful and try to pull him into the bedroom.
> 
> ...


Thanks hun! I agree. He needs a huge swift kick in the head! I will try again tonight!! Last night for a while as the monster in law is coming to town and staying almost a month! Kill me now!:banghead:


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

You should lay all sexy across the bed and order him to come take you. Any normal man would come running and jump in after you. I know I would if my wife did that.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I'm not sure if it works the same way with us guys as it does women. I'm big on the thought that many women often don't know what they want to make them desire sex, they THINK they do (and they're often wrong). They "are tired and want more help around the house, then maybe I'll be in the mood" or "if you'd just stop pestering me about it, maybe I'd be in the mood". We know that often does not work, as seen on these forums many times. What's missing is not often work or sleep, but an attraction. The guy does more, gets less, then whines about it, argues about it, talks about it, and nothing changes...until he starts to stand up for himself, pull back, and create some sexual tension and desire in his wife.

Is it the same for us guys? I don't know. I don't THINK I work like that, but maybe I do and don't know it. That question may be better answered by women with experience in that who have overcome it with LD mates.

But, I do know this.... There are often times I'm not "in the mood". She'll do suggesstive things or make suggestive comments and I may think "god, not now, I'm just not in the mood. Maybe later." Or if she says or does nothing, we may go to bed and just go to sleep. Now, if she keeps suggesting, yes, I'll start things up because I know she wants it, and I'll always respond ultimately.

What does work for me is this: As I get older and things get more familiar, I find I'm not an 19 year old boy anymore, ready to go at the mere mention of sex. And I resent it a little bit sometimes that the thought seems to be that "well, he's a guy, so just flashing him a smile or some boob should be enough". As we get older, it often just is not so. But, if we're laying in bed or on the couch, and she starts with rubbing my chest, leg (anywhere), and moves to my groin and starts lighting rubbing around and on there, I guarantee you, in short order, I WILL be in the mood. She won't have to say a word or do much. Just start tickling the area with fingertips or rubbing me through my clothes. Or stick a hand up the leg of my shorts and start playing around that area. I WILL come to "full attention" before long, and a couple more minutes of that and I am MORE than ready to go.

For me it has nothing to do with desire for her, but desire for sex at that particular moment that is an issue (along with a far back fear that if I'm not really ready, I may suffer performance issues or not be "good"). Once the "male foreplay" starts though, I snap out of it pretty darned fast. 

Try that. If he pushes you away or otherwise rudely rejects you, then I would say it is time to start pulling back and do a 180 of sorts, and create some desire in him through tension. Advice would be the same as if I were talking to a guy...get a life outside the house (a day out with the girls or a hobby or craft that gets you out). Stop going "above and beyond" in doing nice things for him in an effort to kiss his azz to create desire.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Damn. You know, as I guy I can say....sometimes we're just not too smart. Who knows how many times my wife has done something like this and I haven't noticed. I hope it hasn't happened, but men are so clueless as a rule, that I'd be surprised if it hadn't.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Bringing the advice over from your other thread HelpWanted, I have two comments.

Firstly, you didn't actually talk to him. You need to bring it up. If you are having trouble talking to him about it, then tell you want to talk to him on say Tuesday after work, so that you're scheduled in and you can't back out of it. E-mail him as well if you can't get the guts to bring it up in coversation. Force yourself to set a date to tell him how you feel. This problem won't get any better until you do.

Secondly, try not to imply rejection. I know where you come from, I was in your boat for a much longer time. It sucks. Any negative emotion from your spouse begins to take the form of a 100% guaranteed rejection and you stop or don't bother trying. Try not to get into that habit. Keep pushing and make him tell you no. Put it back on him. Don't imply rejection, because he can just tell you later "Well actually I was in the mood but you didn't try anything so I figured YOU weren't in the mood." Don't let him off easy, make him accountable.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

you could always wrestle the remote from his death grip, turn the TV off and straddle him


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Sometimes we guys absolutely need to smacked across the snoot with a 2 by 4. I greatly think that guys are much worse at picking up signals from women than women are from picking up those same signals from men.

If all else fails, just ask or get physical with him!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Sometimes we guys absolutely need to smacked across the snoot with a 2 by 4. I greatly think that guys are much worse at picking up signals from women than women are from picking up those same signals from men.
> 
> If all else fails, just ask or get physical with him!


I'm of the opinion that, regardless of if you are a man or a woman, if you are actually looking for signals, you'll pick them up quite easily.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

The easiest way for you to get your guy to do the deed is this.....stop playing coy and get right to it. If you're prancing around like a horse with a new shoe he knows your antics and as you guessed it...simply is not in the mood cause why? he KNOWS your antics.
Next time just put on a robe and sit a bit faw away from him and start masturbating........whether or not he pays attention just kep doing it and see what happens. No guy I know can hold up a wall that long..


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

aston said:


> The easiest way for you to get your guy to do the deed is this.....stop playing coy and get right to it. If you're prancing around like a horse with a new shoe he knows your antics and as you guessed it...simply is not in the mood cause why? he KNOWS your antics.
> Next time just put on a robe and sit a bit faw away from him and start masturbating........whether or not he pays attention just kep doing it and see what happens. No guy I know can hold up a wall that long..


Right on...if my wife started masturbating like that, my face would be planted between her legs faster than she knew what was eating her.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

IndyTM said:


> Right on...if my wife started masturbating like that, my face would be planted between her legs faster than she knew what was eating her.


Spoken like a true Gladiator:smthumbup:


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## derMann (Jan 18, 2012)

I concur. Stop "prancing around like a horse" (Love it!!!) trying to send signals. Cut to the chase. Try this: (In your best British accent of course) "Hey luv, fancy a shag?"

I can't think of a time I ever said "No."


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

Sounds to me like you're married to a typical man.

Unless there are larger issues that haven't been mentioned here, it just seems to me like his radar was turned-off and he wasn't receiving your signals.

You seem frustrated that you seem to be so good at knowing what he's thinking and his inability to read your mind and signals.

I think I would have noticed your signals if I were your husband, but I can just as easily picture myself being just as clueless as your husband in the same situation.

Give your husband a free pass on this one.

Why don't you in a friendly and humourous way gently scold your husband by recounting all of the things you did to get his attention and he missed them all. 

Then seriously tell him you want to rekindle the sex life.

If he's a good guy, he'll be on-board for more frequent sex.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Subtle + Man = Fail

Try a more direct approach - instead of just walking by, literally crawl up and straddle him. Better yet, kneel and initiate oral sex. 

I had a whole conversation with my other half about this and why he didn't pick up on my 'signals' and he honestly hadn't even noticed them.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Subtle + Man = Fail
> 
> Try a more direct approach - instead of just walking by, literally crawl up and straddle him. *Better yet, kneel and initiate oral sex. *
> I had a whole conversation with my other half about this and why he didn't pick up on my 'signals' and he honestly hadn't even noticed them.


How I wish...


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

helpwanted said:


> Husband got home from work we had a nice dinner. The whole time we were sitting there eating he was watching tv and all I could think about was start the conversation. You know what to say, you know how you feel.
> 
> I put it aside and started cleaning up from dinner. Everything was fine he was normal. I think he could tell something was bothering me due to my mental distance. Didn't ask me if I was ok. I guess I am use to that though so it didn't bother to much.
> 
> ...


Oh how I wish my wife would do that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

There is a thread on the opposite side titled Men-Self Imposed Rejection. Might be some useful reading.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Subtle + Man = Fail
> 
> Try a more direct approach - instead of just walking by, literally crawl up and straddle him. Better yet, kneel and initiate oral sex.
> 
> I had a whole conversation with my other half about this and why he didn't pick up on my 'signals' and he honestly hadn't even noticed them.


Lol, THAT will work. Even if he wasn't missing the signals. Again, at least from my perspective, if he's not missing the signals (and he could be), maybe he just needs some more prompting (touching and / or explicit suggestive comments) to get his motor running. Believe it or not, us guys, especially as we age, cannot be up at "attention" and ready or even interested in going there at a moments notice with just the mere mention or hint of it. 

If all else fails, do as above. Straddle him, grind on him, go down on him, etc. INITIATE, and not just with comments or sexy clothes. Get in his face and touch him! That is almost a sure fire guarantee to work every time.


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## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

My husband doesn’t always catch my signals either. Sometimes if he doesn’t I will occasionally joke with him that he “missed out” or he could have made my day a whole lot better, usually he didn’t even realize that I was after something. 
This morning however, he couldn’t miss it, LOL. He found a pair of glasses that are regular glasses, but you can flip the sunglass lenses up. They are huge, but he has been being a nerd playing with them, so I said “I guess we could play teacher/student?” He laughed and told me I’d get arrested for that. So I said “Oh, dirty cop?” Then he told me I’d go to jail. “Ohhh, warden?” He told me I’m incorrigible…but it worked! (We don’t even use role playing, but he got the message!)


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Damn. You know, as I guy I can say....sometimes we're just not too smart. Who knows how many times my wife has done something like this and I haven't noticed. I hope it hasn't happened, but men are so clueless as a rule, that I'd be surprised if it hadn't.


Regrettably, this is true. If we've got something on our mind or have zoned out after the day at work we may be there physically but our minds are a thousand miles away. 

I think the best bet when dealing with a man is to be direct. Hints are a crapshoot at best.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

CO_MOM said:


> My husband doesn’t always catch my signals either. Sometimes if he doesn’t I will occasionally joke with him that he “missed out” or he could have made my day a whole lot better, usually he didn’t even realize that I was after something.


I hate when this happens. Because I am either thinking I was an idiot for not picking up on it (and I hate to miss out on a booty call) or I don't believe that she was actually initiating.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> Subtle + Man = Fail
> 
> Try a more direct approach - instead of just walking by, literally crawl up and straddle him. Better yet, kneel and initiate oral sex.
> 
> I had a whole conversation with my other half about this and why he didn't pick up on my 'signals' and he honestly hadn't even noticed them.


Men are direct....so be bold. I agree with TCSRedHead. If my wife hints around, i might notice....and I might not.....depending on the situation. Just remember, your spouse can't read your mind. So be bold. We men are simple creatures!!!!

Also, once you get things going...sex is always fun. So try some massages as a "fire starter".


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

helpwanted said:


> ...I had to walk past him to grab them. I made sure i wore his favorite underwear and bra. I went to the bathroom undressed and called his name just to make sure i had his attention. I walk out of the room and said never mind and proceeded to walk to the bathroom to get it myself.
> 
> ...I smiled and gave him the whole come get me eyes, his eyes went back to the tv.


Check for a pulse!  That's enough to get any self-respecting guy immediately sporting mahogany. Trust me. You did everything right


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## helpwanted (Sep 16, 2012)

Terry_CO said:


> Check for a pulse!  That's enough to get any self-respecting guy immediately sporting mahogany. Trust me. You did everything right


I am telling you after that I knew this was going to be more difficult that I thought.


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## LearninAsWeGo (Oct 20, 2012)

He was probably just tired from work. It happens. And it's also football season. Don't take it so personally or stop trying; just start communicating. People tend to miss the nonverbal and body language cues (especially men, but many women too).

Just be direct... with your words as much as body actions. He's tired, not dead. Saying "I need you tonight" or "you are a damn sexy man" is direct and a hint he can't miss. Even if he's tired or not really in the mood, he will likely get in the mood and want to please his partner (or at least go through the motions to satisfy a horny wife).

If it's a regular thing, then he's probably overweight, over stressed, or maybe getting what he needs elsewhere (porn, affair, etc). If it happens regularly that he snoozes through the clear propositions, then you need a serious, no distractions direct adult talk with him... and depending on the result, maybe some counseling together.


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