# Wife and her "Friends"



## A_Confused_Ax (Sep 29, 2013)

So she is a bit of a tomboy at heart, so she's always hung out with guys. Never really bothered me. Now she's claiming we're "separated", and is now talking to a bunch of guys to go hang out on craigslist.

Hmm...

Problem is I imagine she hangs out with her "friends" and driving my car while doing it. Looking for advice here for the following:

There is no legal separation in the books right now, so I wonder should I file for that, and protect myself because she doesn't have her driver's license, just her permit, so if she gets pulled over or something it comes on me, because both of my cars in my name.

Or should I just cut her loose?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you? 

How long have you been married?

Am I right to assume that you have no children?

Does she have a job? 

These guys from craigslist... is that where she met them? Or are they friends she's had for a long time?

Your wife is illegally driving a car that’s in your name. If she has an accident your insurance will not coer it because she’s an illegal driver and you let her drive the car. Anyone else in the accident can sue you personally for this.

Why do you let her drive the car with only a permit?

If you get either a legal separation or a divorce, you are no protected if the car is in your name.

Is the car paid for? If so you can sign it over to her. She will get the car (or one of the cars) in the divorce. Of course if you have loans on the cars that has to be considered too.

If she’s out partying with guys she met on craigslist, set her loose. That is high risk behavior.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Folks... The OP had the below post in his other thread. So I'm copying it here. I've suggested that he delete the other thread because people need to know "the rest of the story".




A_Confused_Ax said:


> First post, and trying to get some advice here. I am a vet of a little under 10 years, and suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and extreme anger. My wife has Bipolar disorder as well, so it's quite a challenge.
> 
> We recently celebrated 3 years of marriage a few days ago, but my wife every month or two goes on one of her "silent treatment" modes, where she won't talk and tries to pretty much avoid me for what seems like forever, but typically ends after a few days to a week. This in itself is not too unusual because I know this is something that pretty much every married couple deals with. What drives me nuts is that not only does she not speak, but she won't eat either, so I have to worry about her being malnourished. I am a huge advocate of talking out our problems, and she knows this. If I ever say or do anything that may make her upset, this is the response, and she knows it makes me crazy, because when I see her upset I am upset. When I get upset, I get angry, and it just makes the entire environment horrible.
> 
> ...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A.C.A... it sounds like our wife is in the process of leaving you. The info about her BPD and your issues is bad enough. But she's seeing other guys. So all of the other behavioral problems are superseded with her running around.

It sounds like your marriage is over.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

A_Confused_Ax said:


> So she is a bit of a tomboy at heart, so she's always hung out with guys. Never really bothered me. Now she's claiming we're "separated", and is now talking to a bunch of guys to go hang out on craigslist.
> 
> Hmm...
> 
> ...


Cut her loose mate.

I am assuming no children. Throw he back in. This was not the woman you were looking for.

Tomboy? Right. Divorce.


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## A_Confused_Ax (Sep 29, 2013)

I'm in my early 30's, she's in her mid 20's. I let her drive my car, against my better judgement. She works part-time, and my job + school make it difficult for me to drive to both commitments and then get he to work. Love can make you do some really silly things.

Yes, I do have slight PTSD, and anxiety. I do get treated for it though at my VA. She does not treat her problems, which I"m sure is quantifying the issues we have as well. No marriage issue, or what I personally believe, should be blamed on one person. I am at fault as well. She really hasn't hung out with any of her guy friends for awhile, and I just thought the timing was kind of odd for her to start back up. Well not really odd, but just not the best time.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Read up on the beta/doormat searches here, and decide who you want to be or not. 

Decide if you want to have her or not.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Craigslist? What inner city trailer park did your wife grow up in? Trolling for men on Craigslist is just about as low on the scum meter as a person can fall. 

Get rid of her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Women who hang out with predominantly men enjoy the attention and don't like the competition of other women. They'll claim they just have more in common with men but really they just like lots of male attention. I'm as much of a tomboy as anyone but I seek out women friends who are like that too.

So this plus the fact that she's in her mid 20's tells me that she's probably not ready to be married or even exclusive. You should deal with your anger though because that will destroy an otherwise good relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

The hanging out with men is bad enough. But the Craigslist angle is what shoots off the flare. 

Danger Will Robinson!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

if you are married, and she wrecks the car and you get sued (a very likely probablility if she does not have a drivers license and is drinking), since you are married, you are on the hook to pay off the lawsuit. We could be talking hundreds of thousands of bux here.

So....what to do. I guess I would talk to a divorce lawyer and see if a legal separation protects you in such a case. You might want to encourage her to actually get a drivers license, the tests are not all that hard to pass...jeez teenagers can pass it. Then at least she could be added to the car insurance.

On the mutual BPD marriage....that may not be advised for the long run.


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## A_Confused_Ax (Sep 29, 2013)

Anger is pretty much dealt with. As I said I got to the VA for counseling on that, and other post-war symptoms. I'm pretty much at my limit though. I don't mind the guy friends thing, but the fact that she is exploring that now is certainly a red-flag. I will give it some more thought, but I'm pretty much sure what I want now.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Girl that hangs out with guys.

Sit down for a min and REALLY think about this for 5 min or so.

YEAH


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Craigslist? What inner city trailer park did your wife grow up in? Trolling for men on Craigslist is just about as low on the scum meter as a person can fall.
> 
> Get rid of her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed

Sounds like a GIRL (not woman) you do NOT want to be AROUND and especially with.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

A_Confused_Ax said:


> So she is a bit of a tomboy at heart, so she's always hung out with guys. Never really bothered me. Now she's claiming we're "separated", and is now talking to a bunch of guys to go hang out on craigslist.
> 
> Hmm...
> 
> ...


 OK. First of all, GET YOUR CAR BACK!! Is she doesn't have a license then she shouldn't have your car. 

Second of all, Get a lawyer and file and then she'll see that actions speak louder than words. She isn't a responsible person and sounds like someone who shouldn't be married. She hasn't grown up yet.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> We recently celebrated 3 years of marriage a few days ago, but my wife every month or two goes on one of her "silent treatment" modes, where she won't talk and tries to pretty much avoid me for what seems like forever, but typically ends after a few days to a week. This in itself is not too unusual because I know this is something that pretty much every married couple deals with.


For days, sometimes weeks every month or two? No, this is not normal for every married couple in a healthy relationship. HIGHLY unusual unless, one of you is preparing to end the marriage.

I know you both have special issues, but they aren't related to the above comment.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

You do know what "hanging around" guys she meets on Craigslist entails, right?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

A_Confused_Ax said:


> Anger is pretty much dealt with. As I said I got to the VA for counseling on that, and other post-war symptoms. I'm pretty much at my limit though. I don't mind the guy friends thing, but the fact that she is exploring that now is certainly a red-flag. I will give it some more thought, but I'm pretty much sure what I want now.


Uhhh... she's not exploring. _She's being *explored*._


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Since the car is yours VAR it.

If she has an accident, your insurance won't count for jack shyte.


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

As others have said you are liable for an accident...
Any adult over the age of 18 should be able to pass a drivers licence. 

Perhaps with your PTSD you feel that you TOO are having problems so who are you to judge hers. I don't know. 

Regardless all warning signs are not good. As others have stated, being a tomboy does not warrant hanging around guys and excluding women. Most of the latter type that i have met/dated over the years turned out to be women who's craving male attention got them into trouble. 

I am sorry for your ptsd/andger issues. as others have said get that resolved as it will put strains on any "healthy" relationship going forward. 

Take steps to build your self-esteem. good luck and god bless


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sounds like she is already done.

If you are separated and she says you are, then follow suit.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Also, why are you allowing her to drive your car if you are "separated" as she says and she doesn't even have a license? That is a MAJOR liability (and not to mention, really ridiculous).

And: Craigslist is the bottom of the barrel for hooking up with people. Like, the worst. So I do hope and pray you are not sleeping with her. Ick.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Women who hang out with predominantly men enjoy the attention and don't like the competition of other women.


Or you know, sometimes you just get tired of the feeling that all interactions with other women should be a competition.


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## CluelessWif (Jun 20, 2014)

File. Now. Seriously.

If she is trolling craigslist she is taking a lot of risks. Both health and safety, and unless you make that choice you should not be involved in those consequences.

Stop letting her drive your vehicles. I do not know if you are aware of his, but allowing an unlicensed driver to operate your vehicle is a misdemeanor. Don't get yourself into trouble.

Just my take. Good luck.


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## CluelessWif (Jun 20, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Women who hang out with predominantly men enjoy the attention and don't like the competition of other women. They'll claim they just have more in common with men but really they just like lots of male attention. I'm as much of a tomboy as anyone but I seek out women friends who are like that too.
> 
> So this plus the fact that she's in her mid 20's tells me that she's probably not ready to be married or even exclusive. You should deal with your anger though because that will destroy an otherwise good relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is a generalization and a lie. I prefer to hang out with men. I was a medieval sword fighter for 12 years, and I find that my life experience is more inclined to male conversation. I, however, do not like male sexual attention from anyone but my husband. I am known to cut off all contact with a man the moment he says or does something inappropriate.

I get that you may have had a different experience, but don't lump all women with the bad ones. That is not logic, it is bitterness.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Thank you for your service to our country. (Assuming US but thank you for fighting the good fight regardless).

Now do some good service for yourself and cut this girl loose.

You are competing with guys on Craig's list? Nobody deserves that. Have you seen the guys on Craig's list?? I haven't, but I'm told they are the lowest of the low. 

And she gets angry with you and gives you the silent treatment for a week or so each month. You don't deserve that either.

I am pleased you are helping yourself. If she is unwilling to address her issues nothing you can do. This isn't a fight worth fighting, in my opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

CluelessWif said:


> That is a generalization and a lie. I prefer to hang out with men. I was a medieval sword fighter for 12 years, and I find that my life experience is more inclined to male conversation. I, however, do not like male sexual attention from anyone but my husband. *I am known to cut off all contact with a man* the moment he says or does something inappropriate.
> 
> .


What, with a *medieval sword*? ouch


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## Rooster2014 (Aug 23, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Women who hang out with predominantly men enjoy the attention and don't like the competition of other women. They'll claim they just have more in common with men but really they just like lots of male attention. I'm as much of a tomboy as anyone but I seek out women friends who are like that too.
> 
> So this plus the fact that she's in her mid 20's tells me that she's probably not ready to be married or even exclusive. You should deal with your anger though because that will destroy an otherwise good relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Very true here. Your marriage is over. Get out and go to counseling.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

I am trying to envision just what type of "wife" would be meeting "friends" on craigslist. Of all the places, that is right up there with the peep show back room at the adult book store for meeting "friends"


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