# Having trouble getting my husband to orgasm



## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

This is my first post on the board but its fitting as I need advice.

A little about us, my husband and I have been married almost 10 years, we've been together for almost 14. We have three children 3, 5 & 7. I am 35 and he is 36. I have always felt we have had a pretty good sex life. I would like to think we are pretty adventurous in the bedroom, we both enjoy porn on occasion. Ive never been opposed to different sexual positions, porn or toys, quite the opposite.  

So I feel we've had a pretty good sex life up until about 3 months ago. My husband loves crossfit and had some big workout. He was exhausted when he came home and we had sex and he couldn't orgasm. Its happened before to each of us, no big deal. I figured he was exhausted. We had sex a few nights later and things were fine. Then almost a month went by with no sex which is kind of weird for both of us. When we did have sex again he couldn't orgasm. The last time was still fresh in mind as he usually never has trouble. Maybe once a year but not twice so close together. 

Following this there was a night he couldn't get hard, which is _really _unusual. Then a few nights later he couldn't orgasm again. This was followed by a few more times of him not being able to orgasm. New Years eve and the night before things were back to normal in the orgasm department.

But tonight it happened again. Not being able to make my husband orgasm is a very new feeling. I dont mean to take it personally but I cant help it. I keep thinking am I not doing something right, does he not love me anymore. I know its stupid to feel that way but I cant help it. He knows I have been upset about it and tonight he immediately said it wasn't me, he loves me and so on. And I do believe that but it doesn't take away this anxiety I am starting to feel.

Advice on what to do?


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

A lot depends on the circumstances. Does he drink, smoke, or take drugs?

Anyone of the above factors could affect his performance. If it is not any of the above then he has either lost attraction for you for whatever reason.

If this continues i would be insisting he sees a doctor. Perhaps a medical issue is creeping in or his testosterone levels are dropping.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Is he taking any kind of performance enhancing hormones or supplements for the crossfit stuff he's been doing? I don't know much about them, but it's possible something he started taking a while back might be causing this problem now. He should go to a doctor and get checked out to make sure this isn't something physical.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that he's doing crossfit? Is he taking steroids or anything similar?

Your husband needs to see a doctor to figure out what the problem is.


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

He doesn't smoke or take drugs. He does drink beer and wine.

He has had a lot of work related stress and his dad passed away less then a year ago. His doctor gave him zoloft which I read could cause these issues. He took it for less then 2 weeks and then stopped, that was in November. He stopped after I talked to him about that medication causing sexual problems. I told him he should switch to something else. Since he didn't really want to take the medication to begin with, he never switched to anything else.

I am afraid he is losing attraction for me.


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

No to taking steroids. I don't know anyone who does crossfit and takes steroids. I swear those gyms are like cults and they are very anti steroid. At least the ones around here. But no steroids. 

He does drink different protein shakes but I don't think that could be it... ?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

beesgirl said:


> He does drink different protein shakes but I don't think that could be it... ?


Are they all just protein shakes? There are lots of products out there that body builders use, and some of them might be causing a reaction in him. It's worth checking to see what ingredients are in those products. Some of them might be energy powders or something with a lot of caffeine, and those might be affecting his blood pressure, which can affect erections. 

And he could go to a doctor, which anyone in good shape who is having sudden erection problems should do.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Depending on how much beer and wine he drinks this could be a cause of his issues.

As a man i can honestly tell you too much alcohol can affect performances and make it difficult to orgasm.

You'd be suprised that 3 - 4 beers might do this. I would take note next time you are intimate with him how many drinks he has beforehand. 

Another possibillity and just throwing it out there do you think he might be seeing someone else therefore having no energy or desire for you?


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

Sports Fan said:


> Depending on how much beer and wine he drinks this could be a cause of his issues.
> 
> As a man i can honestly tell you too much alcohol can affect performances and make it difficult to orgasm.
> 
> ...


We were intimate tonight and he hasn't had any drinks since Sunday.

Yes its crossed my mind about there being someone else. I dont really think he is seeing someone else. He goes to the gym and is home most of the time. We own our own business and work from home. I also work out at his gym, he is really excited when I go. But yes, its crossed my mind.


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

norajane said:


> Are they all just protein shakes? There are lots of products out there that body builders use, and some of them might be causing a reaction in him. It's worth checking to see what ingredients are in those products. Some of them might be energy powders or something with a lot of caffeine, and those might be affecting his blood pressure, which can affect erections.
> 
> And he could go to a doctor, which anyone in good shape who is having sudden erection problems should do.


He takes this
http://www.amazon.com/Scivation-Xte...id=1420601804&sr=8-1&keywords=xtend+endurance

I am going to talk to him about going to the doctor. He isn't opposed to going.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

beesgirl said:


> We were intimate tonight and he hasn't had any drinks since Sunday.
> 
> Yes its crossed my mind about there being someone else. I dont really think he is seeing someone else. He goes to the gym and is home most of the time. We own our own business and work from home. I also work out at his gym, he is really excited when I go. But yes, its crossed my mind.


If his prformance issues continue or you start to get more suspicious of a possible affair there are steps you can take to discreetly discover whats going on. 

You can usually refer to the Coping with infedelity section on this site.

I really hope he aint seeing someone.


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

It's only crossed my mind because this started so suddenly. But I honestly don't think it's that.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

He may need to have some blood test work done to check his free testosterone and total testosterone levels. He may also be overtraining and not getting enough sleep. Also, the stress of losing his father, and the use of zoloft could also added to the problem of his lower libido. Learning meditation techniques to better manage the overwhelming stress could help as well.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

beesgirl said:


> We were intimate tonight and he hasn't had any drinks since Sunday.
> 
> Yes its crossed my mind about there being someone else. I dont really think he is seeing someone else. He goes to the gym and is home most of the time. We own our own business and work from home. I also work out at his gym, he is really excited when I go. But yes, its crossed my mind.


questions
1) How old is he?
2) how aggressive is he working out (I know cross-fitters can go nuts)?
3) How tight are his work out pants/short?

1) If he's in his 40's - this can be normal.

2) If he is aggressively working out, he could be exhausting his body to the point where he can't complete

3) believe it or not, tight fitting pants/shorts can rub your unit raw and you're not even aware till your sore. He could be making himself desensitized and not even know it.

Also - how much pressure are you now putting on him to orgasm? The more you put on the harder (no pun) it will get. Relax, enjoy the extra endurance.


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

[QUOT


snerg said:


> questions
> 1) How old is he?
> 2) how aggressive is he working out (I know cross-fitters can go nuts)?
> 3) How tight are his work out pants/short?
> ...


1. He is 36
2. you might be right. He only works out once in the morning but I know sometimes he workouts are hard.
3. I didnt even think of this. If thats the case can it be undone?

I try not to put pressure on him. He will tell me right away if he cant but I know he can see if I am disappointed.


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## BucksBunny (Jan 6, 2015)

To OP, I think you have had a wide range of good advice in this thread giving you many different angles to look at it from all good stuff. I would not say ignore it but maybe they are right let it ride for a bit just keep your eye on it so to speak.

I can understand your hurt and confusion I would be, I have been my DH gets in the mood with a few drinks but it does nothing for his performance for sure. I would be concerned he is getting a bit of performance anxiety from your description times in my experience it’s not been flat out it’s not happening DH says not going to happen this way and maybe a hand or a mouth is used a bit more than had been planned or wanted.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening beeesgirl
One source of sexual problems for men is stress about sexual problems, and this can lead to a sort of positive feedback. 

If you haven't already, spend some time NOT worrying about it. Let him do other things to please you, see if it just gets better.

You can rule out a physical issue if he is able to masturbate successfully.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

beesgirl said:


> [QUOT
> 
> 3. I didnt even think of this. If thats the case can it be undone?


loose shorts and boxers or boxer briefs. Have him wear a jock to help protect


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

norajane said:


> Are they all just protein shakes? There are lots of products out there that body builders use, and some of them might be causing a reaction in him. It's worth checking to see what ingredients are in those products. Some of them might be energy powders or something with a lot of caffeine, and those might be affecting his blood pressure, which can affect erections.
> 
> And he could go to a doctor, which anyone in good shape who is having sudden erection problems should do.


Could be something in the protein shake? Or is he taking any "pre-workout" formulas? Like "C-4"? The pre workout formulas can sometimes contain things that can cause what is referred to as "stim-d1ck", making erections weaker as time goes on. If so, he needs to cycle off these every now and then, and not over use them. I personally have not had the issue with pre-workout formulas, but some do...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

Does he jerk off alot?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

beesgirl said:


> He takes this
> http://www.amazon.com/Scivation-Xte...id=1420601804&sr=8-1&keywords=xtend+endurance
> 
> I am going to talk to him about going to the doctor. He isn't opposed to going.


Oops. Missed this. Could be this. Google "stim d1ck" (with an "i" and not a "1"..profane language block) You'll find a lot of info on it on different weight lifting / fitness forums.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

beesgirl said:


> He takes this
> http://www.amazon.com/Scivation-Xte...id=1420601804&sr=8-1&keywords=xtend+endurance
> 
> I am going to talk to him about going to the doctor. He isn't opposed to going.


Make sure he takes all his workout potions with him to the doctor so the doc has some clue of what your H has been ingesting, and for how long.


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

donny64 said:


> Oops. Missed this. Could be this. Google "stim d1ck" (with an "i" and not a "1"..profane language block) You'll find a lot of info on it on different weight lifting / fitness forums.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks! I googled and have been reading but it seems this is mostly for erectile disfunction? Our issues is more about not achieving orgasm. He had one night in the midst of all this where he couldn't get hard, but usually he is hard and just cant get there. 

We've been married almost 10 years and have enjoyed a pretty good sex life. I realize we are both getting older and things are going to change as we age. But man it sure hurts your ego to not be able get your man to orgasm. I feel inadequate.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

Not to bring out the TMI but what positions do you engage in that is causing him not to orgasm?

Have you noticed he can't orgasm in a certain position?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

homedepot said:


> Does he jerk off alot?


No, he doesn't masterbate that often. Once every few days maybe?


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

NewHubs said:


> Not to bring out the TMI but what positions do you engage in that is causing him not to orgasm?
> 
> Have you noticed he can't orgasm in a certain position?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im open to any position and we often switch it up. Its been different positions, not one certain position. Last night was more missionary but I was hanging off the bed and he was standing. Its happened in doggy style before too.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I know it won't do any good to tell you not to take it personally because others have urged you not to and you still do. That's understandable. Human nature.

You also aknowledge that our bodies change as we age. That of course is true. My example that I'm about to give is only anecdotal since it's only about me, but I bet there's lots of other guys like me and maybe your husband like this.

You see it goes in cycles and spurts. Testosterone levels as well as libido and sexual response is not constant. It is like I say, cyclical. 
There are weeks, or months with no problems at all and then issues, whether temp. ed, or ejaculatory issues pop up and stay for a while, and then they're gone, as mysteriously (sometimes) as they came.

I remember going through periods off and on years ago a relatively young man, where I had periodic issues with transitory ed, or couldn't get off. Sometimes, I so so worried, I would sit in front of the computer looking at nekkid women just to see if I could get the darn thing up! Or as the case might have been whether I could get off. I knew it wasn't organic because I would get stiff as a board at night. I don't think it was psychological either or stress because I didn't have necessarily any weird stuff going on in my life. Then,.......boom. It would be gone, only to come back again weeks or months later.

My point is that the sexual physiological mechanisms involved in the stimulation-reaction-erection-culmination process are immensely complex and not completely understood by even the medical community. It's not quite as simple as cause'effect. If anything is not prime reacting in the chain of function, then something will show up. And I doubt that it always has to do with something 'being wrong'. Here I am years after some of the stuff I described and functioning quite well with interspersed periods of weirdness.

The fact that your husband has apparently only recently experienced this I don't think is cause for alarm either.

To sum it up, I think it's way too early for you to be worrying. Give it a few more weeks or a month or two.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Could he be using porn a lot on his own? He might not be willing to tell you.

It doesn't necessarily reflect on your own sexiness. It's just something different that he can't get from you.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

beesgirl said:


> We've been married almost 10 years and have enjoyed a pretty good sex life. I realize we are both getting older and things are going to change as we age. * But man it sure hurts your ego to not be able get your man to orgasm. I feel inadequate.*


If I were you I would not take it personally. It can lead you to destructive behavior.

This issue is likely age/health-related, not desire-related.


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## Busted Knuckle (Nov 6, 2013)

in my personal experience these are the clues to me 
"He has had a lot of work related stress and his dad passed away less then a year ago. His doctor gave him zoloft which I read could cause these issues" 

1,2,& 3 ......... he added the crossfit which will exhaust him, but will also give him more endurance and will destress him momentarily - but his brain is still running on work + the death of a family member.......... now the stress of being able to (or not perform) as usual adds to the stress.......... everything mentioned so far can be minor or major contributors to the issue. 

When needed we have an "intermission" for 5-10 minutes then resume and I usually pop in a few minutes. 

good luck


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## Melvynman (Mar 19, 2014)

I think he is bored with sex right now. What about your orgasms? Are you faking orgasms? Do you get wet or do you have lubrication?

You said he likes it when you work out. Dress sexy for workouts and gage his response when you return. He might need a little competition. Can you be playful with other men in your relationship? Flirt and be sexy with others if you can. Tease him about other men wanting you if you can. Flirt and play with in your relationship about you being desired by other men.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Melvynman said:


> I think he is bored with sex right now. What about your orgasms? Are you faking orgasms? Do you get wet or do you have lubrication?
> 
> You said he likes it when you work out. Dress sexy for workouts and gage his response when you return. He might need a little competition. Can you be playful with other men in your relationship? Flirt and be sexy with others if you can. Tease him about other men wanting you if you can. Flirt and play with in your relationship about you being desired by other men.


Are you suggesting she flirt with other men in order to make her husband jealous so that he can then orgasm when he's having sex with her?



Does this really work? Is this really a good idea? 

I don't think so, not if his problem is physical and is based on something not quite right with his plumbing at the moment, for whatever reason. 

And if his issue is mental, I doubt it will make him feel good to see his wife flirting with other men because he's more likely to think he's just not pleasing her in bed now that his plumbing isn't working. It's likely to send him in a psychological downward spiral.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Sports Fan said:


> A lot depends on the circumstances. Does he drink, smoke, or take drugs?
> 
> Anyone of the above factors could affect his performance. If it is not any of the above then he has either lost attraction for you for whatever reason.


Not necessarily true at all. There are other reasons besides the above that could cause this. It's likely NOT because he has lost attraction.

This has happened to me before, and it's similar to the ED problem (actually, retarded ejaculation falls under the "ED" umbrella). It could be very much a psychological block. He couldn't cum the one time, now he's worried about not cumming and upsetting you, which causes him not to be able to cum - a vicious cycle. Does he know it upsets you?

Could also be a lack of focus due to stress, anxiety, something else. Talk to him about it but DO NOT make him feel bad, guilty, stressed or worried about it or you WILL make it worse.


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## jack_1970 (Jan 22, 2014)

For me i will tell you its not medicin nor vitamins its spcycological. This sound allot like me . Having a buisnes break the train of though . In my younger years i had an attention disorder . But no fine . But i beleive when overwelmed with allot of thing i find i cant concentrate and also the fact that my wife tell me to concentrate wile having sex or expecting me to ejaculate put pressure.... its all in the head. Try a little 2 night gettaway in a hotel away from the chores and and kids . If this works well you know its all in the head. And as for the porn factor well i do watch it and i have no problem ejaculating for porn just my wife. Hope this helps ya


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

Thanks everyone for all the input and advice.


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## ThirtyYearsIn (Sep 20, 2014)

Crossfit is notorious for over-training which can really mess up your hormone (testosterone) levels. Crossfit is also notorious for cheaters, probably because of the cult like bonding and physical exertion, but don't get too nuts about that just yet, it is probably more related to too much exercise too soon. They routinely push past the point of physical exhaustion.


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## jack_1970 (Jan 22, 2014)

Crossfit or any form of trainning creats endorphines in the brain and that is like an addiction. That same endorphine will not get in the way of sex it will actual help. Been there done that . And yes ive also been to therapist. In our lives we go through allot of different things school. Then university then we get maried have kids resposibilities acumulate ... so ya as older. We get messed up lol . As for some who might think we are invisible but nooooooo. We arent


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

I didn't read the entire thread but wanted to point out that Lexapro AND welbutrin both killed my sex drive.... I mean like dead.


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

Hi beesgirl--please do not take your husband's sexual challenge personally. As others have already mentioned, many things can impact a man's ability to not only obtain an erection but also to climax. 

My personal experience was that Ace Inhibitors, Beta Blockers and diuretics can and did kill my sexuality. I sought out an experienced urologist (at a teaching hospital) who was very specialized in men's health. An implant and testosterone cream solved the problem.

Recently, I received a steroid injection in my right shoulder and -- o-boy I cannot climax. Zero, zilch nothing! I am in contact with my urologist for his opinion but what I have read is that as the steroids wear off, things will get back to normal.

I support that your hubby see a doctor (as others have suggested) but my experience is to bypass the primary physician. His best bet is to see (as I did) a urologist who only specialize in men's health issues.

My urologist monitors my testosterone, total & free, estradiol and the sex hormone as well. Having this information would permit him make a very targeted analysis as to the causation of your husband's sexual issues.

Please -- do not blame yourself as this is normally a male issue that, hopefully, may very well will have a happy ending.

If you want more information, just pm me. The best to you & husband!


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

ifweonly said:


> Hi beesgirl--please do not take your husband's sexual challenge personally. As others have already mentioned, many things can impact a man's ability to not only obtain an erection but also to climax.
> 
> My personal experience was that Ace Inhibitors, Beta Blockers and diuretics can and did kill my sexuality. I sought out an experienced urologist (at a teaching hospital) who was very specialized in men's health. An implant and testosterone cream solved the problem.
> 
> ...


thanks for this information! Everyone has been so helpful and nice.

a few weeks ago my husband I were getting sick. We dont have jobs that we can call in sick too. We have to go to work and we always run to the doctor to see what is going on. We each got a steroid shot and I wonder if that shot has played a factor. Though we have had it in the past and never had an issue. Anyone I thought of it when you said you had a steroid shot in your shoulder. I am sure there are different type of steroids.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

foolscotton3 said:


> I think you found the culprit, Zoloft


I'd bet money on it.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

I agree with making a physician appt. Mention crossfit training and ask for CBC, urinalysis, testosterone tests. Combined state of physical and emotional stress can wreck havoc on a body.


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

He was barely on the Zoloft for 2 weeks over a month ago, closer to 2. I can understand it causing an issue then but now? Do you think it could still be?

I was on Zoloft for a few years years ago and yes definitely taper off when you've been on it for a long time. But 2 weeks on at a low dose doesn't really require a weaning period. Everyone is diffetent but my husband was fine just stopping.


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

foolscotton3 said:


> I think you found the culprit, Zoloft is notorious for prohibiting sexual climax in women as well. As long as he isn't taking any other medications at the time, try some wine and beer, you can also suggest to him Valerian Root capsules, he might need to reprogram receptors.
> 
> Aside from a possible allergy, nothing serious, Valerian is perfectly safe to use, non addictive, and your tolerances won't change with prolonged use.


What is valerian root for?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beesgirl (Jan 7, 2015)

Thought I would update that everything was GREAT last night. 

Though I do find myself kind of getting anxiety over it all. Its hard to just enjoy.


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## Indy (Dec 6, 2014)

It could be a few things and I'm dealing with the same thing, too.

Maybe his condoms are too tight. I can't feel anything after a while; I go numb. Maybe he does, too. After that, sex isn't as enjoyable. Then there's the pressure to orgasm. Try bigger sized condoms and lots of lube.

seems like he's stressed out. I've dealt with that. That is usually impotence but it could be that even though he can get an erection that his mind wanders all over the place. 

Maybe relax him a little first. Back massage. 

Can he orgasm with oral or manual stimulation?


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## Quickshot (Feb 5, 2015)

Wow. I have read every possibility for your husband to not orgasm. You sound like you have a good marriage. He is not seeing someone on the side. If I had to take a guess, it would be that he is still taking the Zoloft without you knowing or possibly another SSRI, or he has a porn addiction. Porn addiction is very serious. Gary Wilson has a website called yourbrainonporn.com. He has also given TED Talks. What happens is the brain cannot handle looking at porn and your body becomes desensitized. This is a real threat to men. 
I think your husband has one of these two issues. I would almost guarantee it. On the other hand, you should not take this personally. I would kill to have his stamina. He should be proud. I am totally serious about this. Enjoy sex with your husband. Actually if you ever do find out what is wrong, please post it. I want his problem. I on the other hand have tried SSRI's and using porn to become desensitized and nothing works. I cannot even have sex with my wife because it would be so short that I would be embarrassed. I am talking 15 seconds or so. Instead of going through that I would just assume not have sex and hope maybe some other time, I could last longer. But it never happens. It has been years. I envy your husband.


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## scientia (Aug 27, 2012)

beesgirl said:


> He takes this
> Amazon.com: Scivation Xtend Endurance Supplement, Blue Raspberry, 40.8 Ounce: Health & Personal Care


*Deja Vu. *

The first thing you need to know is that they don't test things and make sure they are safe before adding them to supplements. Instead they put whatever they want in supplements until they are proven harmful.

Erectile dysfunction was so common back in 2010 and 2011 for men who took supplements, they gave the symptom the nickname "stim-dyck". This was caused by DMAA (which Scivation kept adding to Xtend until it was banned by the FDA in 2012). It wasn't prohibited because of erectile problems; it was only outlawed when some studies showed that it could cause heart attacks. So, understand that loss of libido and erectile problems are not unusual in supplements and these symptoms will not cause them to change their formula.

Your husband's problem is most likely caused by the BCAA derived from soy. According to a University of Connecticut study, soy derived BCAA causes a loss of testosterone. Other studies show that lab animals also show a drop in testosterone when eating soy isoflavones. Soy BCAA can actually inhibit muscle buildup. 
This link Whey To Go: Soy Protein Lowers Testosterone in Strength-Training Men has references to these studies.

The simple solution is to switch to something that uses whey protein instead of soy protein. If it says "Contains Soy" on the label as the Xtends product does, don't buy it.


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## HypnoHealer (Feb 14, 2014)

norajane said:


> Are you suggesting she flirt with other men in order to make her husband jealous so that he can then orgasm when he's having sex with her?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I would check his Free Testosterone and try a low dose DHEA (I recommend lef.org as a source because they test what they sell. I have no affiliation other than being a customer).

And yes, flirting with other men does work. It is called Sperm Competition, has been documented to produce higher levels of testosterone and increased mental attraction.

Often the 10-14 years (usual is 7 btw) "same ol' crackers" can make a man lose desire, but to see other men finding his wife attractive, sparks the sperm competition sections in the male brain and I have personally seen it produce stunning results.

Medicating for stress, parental death is easy for the doctor, great for the drug companies, but terrible for the client.

Do you dress up?
Have you ever tried 'complaining'? "God, there were these two men looking at me today. I mean undressing me with their eyes. It was terrible...... And it made me a little wet. Do you think I am a bad girl?" 

If he starts asking questions, tell him you are not telling him anything else until he starts kissing you. Um yes along my neck...just like that... Well they.... (Make it up. You've read a romance novel, Cosmo, watched Ophra. Give a little, and then get all shy) limp noodle or granite?

I imagine you are going to find a renewed interest.

Using porn in these situation can be helpful as well.


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## scientia (Aug 27, 2012)

HypnoHealer said:


> I would check his Free Testosterone and try a low dose DHEA


This may or may not work. If they detect low testosterone then they may suggest a hormone supplement when it may only be the soy BCCA that is causing the problem. Secondly, soy BCAA is also suggested to interfere with testosterone uptake even with the same levels of free testosterone. I also would not take DHEA for two reasons: 1.) It has not been shown to actually do anything. 2.) DHEA can also be made from soy. So, again, I would try cutting out the soy BCAA first.



> And yes, flirting with other men does work. It is called Sperm Competition, has been documented to produce higher levels of testosterone and increased mental attraction.


You left out the part about fistfights and divorce. You might want to mention that too. I recall when a woman I was dating started drooling over a poster of a wrestler right in front of me. My thoughts had nothing to do with competition; it was actually about how incredibly rude she was.


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## Mike6211 (Jan 18, 2013)

Does that supplement he is taking contain creatine? It's a common supplement (free-standing or as part of these sports mixes). It's a natural product (found in red meat I believe) but in much lower levels in food. A known side effect is the negative effect on sexual performance.



scientia said:


> ... If it says "Contains Soy" on the label as the Xtends product does, don't buy it.


+1. Soy is *not* a health food, whatever the clever marketing tells you - unless fermented.



beesgirl said:


> ... his dad passed away less then a year ago. His doctor gave him zoloft ...


... to deal with the symptoms. But grieving is a natural process. It may not be done in a year, whatever contemporary Western culture says to men ('man up, button down the feelings, get on with life'). Another angle on this is that the psychological male 'backup' or 'foundation stone' that your father-in-law represented to your husband has now gone in the external world, so your husband needs to stay in touch with it within him. Perhaps some sort of 'keep in touch' ritual on his father's birthday and/or date of death (I buy a copy of the daily newspaper that my father used to read - in turn, his father worked on it as a printer his whole career).


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## NWKindaguy (Sep 2, 2011)

I had this same problem in my mid thirties, honestly, it stopped as mysteriously as it started. Didnt see a dr for it, didnt change diet. But she did enjoy longer erections, I just went until I was exhausted. It was nice, but finishing is great


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## koukisdad (Feb 6, 2015)

Dear beesgirl ,

I am not a doc but don't beleieve the rumors that couple of weaks on Zoloft or any med would cause this .

Since your Hub got it right last time ; it certainly means :

the issue is mental or spiritual ; Don't be misled , It can not be that he just physical ;physical impotence don't just happen like that ...

There are only 2 reasons :

-he is punishing you .
-he is hurt from you .


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## Duke (May 15, 2011)

beesgirl,

A few years ago I started working out. Instead of improving as I expected, my performance in the bedroom got worse. I felt worn out and tired all the time, though I was only working out three days a week. The more I worked out the worse it got, to the point where I couldn't run to cross the street. I saw a doctor and found I had low testosterone. In my case TRT improved my performance and my energy. Not saying that's your husband's situation but it's worth a visit to a doctor. I also moved to a somewhat lower intensity workout program.



koukisdad said:


> There are only 2 reasons :
> 
> -he is punishing you .
> -he is hurt from you .


I don't believe this. Changes in performance are not uncommon in a man's 30s and 40s. A man's body is not a machine, and will not perform the same every time.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

koukisdad said:


> Dear beesgirl ,
> 
> I am not a doc but don't beleieve the rumors that couple of weaks on Zoloft or any med would cause this .
> 
> ...


BS...

There IS a chance it has to do with the side effects of AD's

There IS a chance it could be low T.

There IS a chance it's none of what any of us wrote.


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