# spare key to the new house and inlaws



## kacy (Jun 30, 2013)

So my husband and I bought a new house. Before we got married I had moved in with him in an apartment that he owned. He had already given his parents a spare key to this place for emergencies, so obviously he had not asked me as he did this years before I was in the picture. However, once we bought this new house he gave a spare key to his parents without even asking me. When I confronted him about this I said I was fine with him giving the spare key BUT he should have asked me first. The parents dont ever come over before calling and have never used the spare key to our apartment in the years we have been together so it will not be an issue. But I somehow still feel like he should have asked me first. He said he didnt think I would have a problem. He didnt apologise or agree with me that he should have asked me. he said its only for emmergencies so its implied that if we were not home and out of town and there was an emergency they would need access to the house. That kind of pissed me off. Should he have asked me first or am I making this a bigger deal than it needs to be?


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

kacy said:


> . Should he have asked me first or am I making this a bigger deal than it needs to be?


Yes and yes.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Not a big deal but he should have asked you. Not worth losing sleep over or not talking to each other for a day or two. 

I just give out the garage opener code when needed. I can change it as I need so no one can get into the house easily unless I give them the code.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I'm with wolfman.

So long as they are boundary respecting people _and stay that way_ let it go. Just be carefull around major life events like having kids. Some people go all nutty and toss their boundaries out the window.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

If he asked first would you have said yes?


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

He should have asked. Tell him so for the next time, and move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes he should have asked you first. And yes you are making too big a deal out of this.

It is a good idea to have someone you trust have a spare key for the reasons that your husband gave.

Does he have a spare key to his parent's house?

Does anyone in your family live near by? Would you feel better if someone in your family had a spare key to your house?


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Maybe he should have asked you first but what is more important is what was the intentions behind not asking?

If it was to piss you off then life is bad.
If it was simply because he did not really think about it or had no ill intent then life is just fine.

Don't make a big deal out of it unless it is a big deal. 

TBH I have done the exact same thing with MrH. My Dad has always since the start of time held my spare keys, house and car. It is automatic to me to give him a set and did so with our new house. I simply told MrH after the fact so he knows to call my Dad if there is an emergency and we need the spares. No ill intention behind not telling him first, really is no big deal here.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Probably should have asked but really what is the big deal.
Has he done other things that makes this seem unreasonable?
You have to pick your battles. 
Move on.


Sent from my iPhone


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Yes he should have asked you first, but don't make a big deal out of it given the circumstances and history of the inlaws respecting boundaries.

Do however, make sure he understands that going forward, he needs to discuss things like this with you before making any decisions.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

So, are there any decisions he can make on his own?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

kacy said:


> So my husband and I bought a new house. Before we got married I had moved in with him in an apartment that he owned. He had already given his parents a spare key to this place for emergencies, so obviously he had not asked me as he did this years before I was in the picture. However, once we bought this new house he gave a spare key to his parents without even asking me. When I confronted him about this I said I was fine with him giving the spare key BUT he should have asked me first. The parents dont ever come over before calling and have never used the spare key to our apartment in the years we have been together so it will not be an issue. But I somehow still feel like he should have asked me first. He said he didnt think I would have a problem. He didnt apologise or agree with me that he should have asked me. he said its only for emmergencies so its implied that if we were not home and out of town and there was an emergency they would need access to the house. That kind of pissed me off. Should he have asked me first or am I making this a bigger deal than it needs to be?


 If his parents are reasonable people-- they must be since they've never even used the spare key before, it's no big deal at all to let them have a spare key. I wouldn't ask. I'd give it to my dad in a heartbeat and if you didn't like it, I wouldn't understand why because my dad would only use it to help me or my wife if I needed him to get into the house. He would never use it to get in if he thought we were home, he'd knock like everyone else.
Why are you so butt-hurt about this? Some kind of territorial thing or just privacy worries? BTW, this is just the way I think--- not saying I'm totally right or wrong. Probably the way your husband thinks, too.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Are you familiar with the expression "pick your battles"?

You're really lousy at it.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

The process of marriage involves a constant learning.

He did nothing wrong (in his mind) but learned that in your mind it was wrong. You learned a little about your man (i.e. he does not look at every little thing as a momentous life decision to be discussed his wife) and he learned a little about you (a new home has new rules). This is all GOOD!

What you are doing wrong is expecting him to completely understand you at all times, and making a big deal out of it which yes is harmful to your marrriage.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Nagging and complaining- The process of asking repetitive questions without any true purpose or reason.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

he should have asked, but...

"confronted"? interesting choice of words if I say so myself.


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