# All I do is cry. Not for him! What he did to my life



## Lana_Sherry (Dec 2, 2013)

This April would of been 30 years that we would of been married. This man gave me the world. He was my hero, best friend, lover etc. A few years ago I realized he was using drugs again. To make it short he sold $50.000 worth of my Jewlery, maxed out all the CC cards and worst of all stopped paying the mortgage on my home of 21 years. I was a woman that had it all! And I mean that. Now I'm left with nothing at 55 years old. I had to move in with my sister because we lost our house. It's been almost a year that I kicked his ass out but I still can't seem to move on. I'm still waiting for a court date because I will try my best to **** him as bad as possible. He also messed up my relationship with 1 of my daughters. I could go on and on. Point is all I do is cry for my past life, so afraid of what the future holds for me alone. I have only 2 feelings sadness or anger. I know I should be living 1 day at a time but I don't. I feel so alone. As I said I'm living with my sister whom is in another state I don't have a friend here to speak with or go out with. My sister is the type of person that NEVER asks how are you holding up. If she doesn't speak about it to her then everything is fine. I'm a damn adult and I hate that I have to live by her rules. I know I should be grateful that she gave me a place to live. I've been through so much in the past 7 years and I finally took that giant step and kicked him out and it's almost been a year and I still feel like ****, all alone no one that understands what I'm going through. I feel like my life is over.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

First off, welcome Lana  you will find friends and support here I promise.


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## Lana_Sherry (Dec 2, 2013)

Thanks, that's what I need now. Others that understand


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Second the majority here have a really good understanding of relationships and the in's and out's of all aspects. You are in good hands. 
Every scenario is different but we have a pretty large miscellaneous base of situations.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Trust me your life is not over. It is just beginning! 
Have you done any form of counseling or starting reading about your situation?


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I know it's hard to do but you need to refocus and concentrate on one day at a time right now. It does you no good to let your mind run wild.

You did what was best for you. You needed to distance yourself from what he was doing. That's a huge step.

If you have no friends or anyone to talk to where you are get out and join a support group. Look them up, there is always something in your area. It would do you the world of good. The worst thing you can do is isolate yourself.

Keep posting here, there are some great people here with great advice.


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## Lana_Sherry (Dec 2, 2013)

Thxs


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## Lana_Sherry (Dec 2, 2013)

No I haven't done any reading. Any good suggestions?


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

First, I am sorry for what you are going through. There are no magic fixes that I know of. I also don't know any good books that fit your situation, but I know there are people here that will.

The best advice I can give you to keep your mind occupied is to exercise. You'll be amazed how much better you'll feel about yourself as you get to looking, and feeling, better and better. It is a self-reinforcing cycle... you just have to have the willpower to start and keep at it.

Also, as has already been pointed out, get out there and meet people! There is nothing worse than being trapped with the ghosts of "What Could Have been" in your own head. Interactions with others will help you realize that there is more to life than what you lost. Just remember, while what you are feeling is indeed excruciating to you - there are people out there who have had a much harder row to hoe and have come out the other side happy and fulfilled.


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

Lana, I read the book "This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart" by Susannah Conway; and found it to be a good read that focused on healing. It wasn't divorce based, but it was a very helpful book for me. Also I agree with smallsteps; take it one day at a time my dear. And by that I mean focus on just doing what you need to get through the day.

You have had a terrible shock and I would think you are in a scary place. It's not just the loss of the marriage and family problems, but also the uncertainty of your future at this point. You can figure out a way to make it work though. You are a strong lady who was able to say enough is enough to your lousy spouse and take the step needed to protect yourself. Keep up the good work and keep on looking out for yourself.

Warmest wishes,
-M


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## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

I understand how you feel as I am in a similar situation. Who would have ever dreamed we would be starting over with nothing at this age, but we are. The one thing that keeps me going is that I refuse to let him take my spirit. As bad as things are now, I will be alright because I am not going to let him destroy me. Turn your anger into determination. You will get back on your feet and you will be better than ever. Go to meetup.com and see if there are any groups in your area that you could join. Exercise, hobbies and work are your best friends right now. Keep yourself busy so you don't have time to think about what was.

Good luck and keep posting.


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## Married27 (Jul 30, 2013)

Hi Lana, I hope you are doing well =) I am currently separated hopefully divorced in the very near future. I love this site , filled with people who give great advice based on experience. I will be lurking around for a while, maybe logging in every day. It helps a lot. So I will be keeping up with your posts.

Nice to meet you!


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

Hi Lana.. 

I would recommend 2 things.. A good therapist. You need someone to help you navigate this. This is huge.. A therapist will be someone who not only will ask you how are you holding up, but HELP you hold yourself up.. 

and 2. Codependent No More... GET THAT BOOK.. Its fabulous for anyone who has been married to someone who's been addicted to alcohol or drugs, or anything else.. 

I was married to my H for 8 years, and while he was always a drinker, became addicted to pain pills 3 years ago, and has been a highly functional alcoholic for 3-5 years.. probably longer, but was just better at hiding it.. 

I CAN'T IMAGINE what you have lived with.. I know that my H would have eventually lost the house for us.. He drained us of all savings, ran up credit card debt, into collections.. I'm slowly repairing my credit.. 

First, you've come out of this.. You should get a freakin' medal for that alone. 

Now is the time to take care of you.. If your relationship was like mine, being married to an addict, then you weren't allowed to be angry.. Being angry would set them off. make them drink, make them use.. It was your fault anyway, right? The stress? The amount of anger you swallowed over the years probably made you feel like a walking BALL of anger.. 

And I get the sadness too.. You were doing it for the kids, you were doing it b/c you loved him.. And for what? Look where you are at now.. right? sound familiar? 

Been there, done that... Never got a t-shirt..  

Get that book.. I swear, when I feel the anger, sadness and resentment start to overtake me, I start rereading that book.. Being married to an addict makes you crazy.. And you have YEARS of anger and sadness to probably work through.. 

I recommend a therapist and CoDependent No More.. I really do.. Hugs to you..


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

Does anyone think an alanon group might help too? 

I'm sorry for what you have been through. It has to be beyond devastating. My parents were married thirty years and divorced; it was horrible for mother. She was a wreck.
Counseling helped her so much. 
Where are you at in the divorce? 

Sometimes you have to force yourself to do things to get out of the hole you are in even if you can't see that anything is going to help. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but you have to keep walking.


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