# How does wife do it?



## thematrix (May 19, 2014)

Everything is fine with our sex life...frequency...quality...I have no complaints.

Occasionally, the wife will give me a handjob or oral when she is not feeling like it that day. My question is, how can women do that for 10 minutes and then go right to bed? Are we wired that differently? When she uses her hand we kiss pretty passionately and I run my hands all over her... Just imagining the reverse situation and I could never go to sleep without some "help."

What's the scoop?


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

I think women are wired differently, yes. We can be doing something overtly sexual and be thinking about something completely non-sexual at the same time and it is the thing we are thinking about that rules. 

On the other hand, we can also be completely turned on and not be conscious of it.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

thematrix said:


> Everything is fine with our sex life...frequency...quality...I have no complaints.
> 
> Occasionally, the wife will give me a handjob or oral when she is not feeling like it that day. My question is, how can women do that for 10 minutes and then go right to bed? Are we wired that differently? When she uses her hand we kiss pretty passionately and I run my hands all over her... Just imagining the reverse situation and I could never go to sleep without some "help."
> 
> What's the scoop?


Not every woman is the same. Not for nothing but there's nooooo way in Hell that I'd be able to do anything with a c**k for a few minutes and then turn over and go to sleep haaaaa  !!! I'd be toooosssing and turning all night ahem ahem !

But then again that's me  !!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I can't do it because I eventually get warmed up during the BJ. Probably women with responsive desire end up frustrated. It seems to be a common practice in the US for woman to give a bj cold with no expectation of anything in return.

I read a newspaper article by a French author recently who expressed dismay at American sexual practices. Perhaps that's the reason bj stop eventually, too frustrating over the long term. 

Of course the French have better sex if our idea of sex is limited to men's ideals | Jessica Valenti | Comment is free | theguardian.com


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I don't have an answer, OP, but I am the lucky recipient of gratuitous, incredible BJs several times a month, at least. I take very good care of her sexual and intimacy needs all the time, so it may simply be that she's sufficiently satisfied and doesn't want anything more at that time, but enjoys pleasing me.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

I do BJs/handjobs with my SO when I'm not up for sex quite a bit. I love doing it for him, but if I'm not in the mood to begin with, it's not going to get me there, no matter how passionate we are with each other. 
I can't speak for all women, but that's how _I'm_ wired.


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## rocksrock (May 16, 2014)

You said it in beginning of your post. She will do it even if she doesn't feel like it. So if she wasn't initiating it you did. If you ask her to "give me a bj real quick" thats what she did. She wouldn't have thought there was anything in it for her. It was an obligation, her duty. Otherwise she wouldn't just go to sleep. Some women will happily perform oral, but its not anything that would "turn them on". Everyone is different. The kissing and touching is enough to fill her need.
Besides it usually takes more than 10 min. For her anyway.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thematrix said:


> Everything is fine with our sex life...frequency...quality...I have no complaints.
> 
> Occasionally, the wife will give me a handjob or oral when she is not feeling like it that day. My question is, how can women do that for 10 minutes and then go right to bed? Are we wired that differently? When she uses her hand we kiss pretty passionately and I run my hands all over her... Just imagining the reverse situation and I could never go to sleep without some "help."
> 
> What's the scoop?


What you describe here is that your wife is giving you oral/hand-job because she knows that you want some kind of sex. She's doing that because at that time she does not feel like having sex.

She's not completely turned on. So when she's done make you happy, she's done.

You might not get it because if the roles were reversed, she wants sex and you don't.. most men would never consider doing something just for their partner and not get an orgasm for themselves.

Your wife is being selfless can caring about, and here you are complaining about it?


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## thematrix (May 19, 2014)

I'm not complaining... I'm just amazed that it is possible for some women to do this. The reason men don't do this sort of thing is we cannot! There are very few men who could use their hand on a woman and then just stop and go to sleep. Even if I wasn't in the mood to start, about 2 minutes in that problem would be long gone. I'm just marveling at how different men and women are...


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

thematrix said:


> Everything is fine with our sex life...frequency...quality...I have no complaints.
> 
> Occasionally, the wife will give me a handjob or oral when she is not feeling like it that day. My question is, how can women do that for 10 minutes and then go right to bed? Are we wired that differently? When she uses her hand we kiss pretty passionately and I run my hands all over her... Just imagining the reverse situation and I could never go to sleep without some "help."
> 
> What's the scoop?


i often wonder the same thing....they are amazing creatures


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I can't do it because I eventually get warmed up during the BJ. Probably women with responsive desire end up frustrated. It seems to be a common practice in the US for woman to give a bj cold with no expectation of anything in return.
> 
> I read a newspaper article by a French author recently who expressed dismay at American sexual practices. Perhaps that's the reason bj stop eventually, too frustrating over the long term.
> 
> Of course the French have better sex if our idea of sex is limited to men's ideals | Jessica Valenti | Comment is free | theguardian.com


Sorry Catherine but the French chick is a skank. If she was a guy he would be a douche a$$hole skank. 

No first dates just first sex?
No monogamy. Im going to get bored and have some on the side?

Stopped reading after that. Doesnt make all of us puritanical if we dont think we should bang everyone that gets us hot.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Middle of Everything said:


> Sorry Catherine but the French chick is a skank. If she was a guy he would be a douche a$$hole skank.
> 
> No first dates just first sex?
> No monogamy. Im going to get bored and have some on the side?
> ...


I'm sorry. I didn't post it to be provocative. I just thought it was an interesting read.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thematrix said:


> I'm not complaining... I'm just amazed that it is possible for some women to do this. The reason men don't do this sort of thing is we cannot! There are very few men who could use their hand on a woman and then just stop and go to sleep. Even if I wasn't in the mood to start, about 2 minutes in that problem would be long gone. I'm just marveling at how different men and women are...


This is about your wife, not all women.

Why do you think that most women will not do what your wife does?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I can't do it because I eventually get warmed up during the BJ. Probably women with responsive desire end up frustrated. It seems to be a common practice in the US for woman to give a bj cold with no expectation of anything in return.
> 
> I read a newspaper article by a French author recently who expressed dismay at American sexual practices. Perhaps that's the reason bj stop eventually, too frustrating over the long term.
> 
> Of course the French have better sex if our idea of sex is limited to men's ideals | Jessica Valenti | Comment is free | theguardian.com


well I think most guys in America would kindly return the favor if after ending with a smile she said wow that made me so hot think you could lick my wet pu$$Y now.

at least this red blooded American would.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I wouldnt be able to just roll over and fall asleep. No way no how.

Not all woman are "wired" in the same way.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

For me it's not hard to do. For years my mind has been accustomed to getting to a certain point of arousal and then stopping. If you know you are doing something and it will be over after that - that's what happens.

My situation now, trying to train my mind to go past that point, is the difficult part.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

thematrix said:


> Everything is fine with our sex life...frequency...quality...I have no complaints.
> 
> Occasionally, the wife will give me a handjob or oral when she is not feeling like it that day. My question is, how can women do that for 10 minutes and then go right to bed? Are we wired that differently? When she uses her hand we kiss pretty passionately and I run my hands all over her... Just imagining the reverse situation and I could never go to sleep without some "help."
> 
> What's the scoop?


I don't think everyone is understanding your question.

Maybe I'm not either, but you appear to be saying that if the situation were reversed, you would become aroused yourself, just from watching your wife build up to and experience her 'O' You're wondering why it doesn't work that way for her.

Is that correct?


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

thematrix said:


> I'm not complaining... I'm just amazed that it is possible for some women to do this. The reason men don't do this sort of thing is we cannot! There are very few men who could use their hand on a woman and then just stop and go to sleep. Even if I wasn't in the mood to start, about 2 minutes in that problem would be long gone. I'm just marveling at how different men and women are...


My husband just did it for me Sunday night, He knows I sleep horrid on Sunday nights and he selflessly took care of me. I was more than happy to oblige and he said, " you can owe me, it’s getting late and as it is you’re not getting a good night’s sleep.

I thought wow, how nice was that!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> well I think most guys in America would kindly return the favor if after ending with a smile she said wow that made me so hot think you could lick my wet pu$$Y now.
> 
> at least this red blooded American would.


From what I've read, the normal physiologic response for most men after an orgasm is to feel sleepy and disinterested in further sexual activity. It's a normal hormonal response, not selfishness. 

On the other hand, a satisfied woman is usually much more willing to give. I am not thinking about my inhibitions or much of anything. I feel and do.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> From what I've read, the normal physiologic response for most men after an orgasm is to feel sleepy and disinterested in further sexual activity. It's a normal hormonal response, not selfishness.
> 
> 
> not every thing you reed is true accross the board for all men.
> ...


I don't find this statement true accross the board for all women either.


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## SeaStarIn (Mar 26, 2014)

Ok last night my loving wife of 30 yrs was in one of those types of moods. She notices that I was a bit aroused when she came to bed and decided to lend a helping hand so to speak. She was happy just to oblige me with out me asking. When done I wanted to reciprocate and please her she told me she wasnt in the mood and Kissed me goodnight. Now this happens occationally and I feel truly loved and remember how really special my love is and how lucky I was to find her all those years ago!
:smthumbup:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Catherine602 said:


> From what I've read, the normal physiologic response for most men after an orgasm is to feel sleepy and disinterested in further sexual activity. It's a normal hormonal response, not selfishness.
> 
> On the other hand, a satisfied woman is usually much more willing to give. I am not thinking about my inhibitions or much of anything. I feel and do.


True for me. When I am done I'm DONE....least for about 15 min or so. that's why my SO always comes first then me.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You might not get it because if the roles were reversed, she wants sex and you don't.. most men would never consider doing something just for their partner and not get an orgasm for themselves.


You said most, so you get an out , as I would most certainly be there for any need of my SO. I have recently told her this and she responded with the same. :smthumbup:


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> True for me. When I am done I'm DONE....least for about 15 min or so. that's why my SO always comes first then me.


My husband does this as well, now sometimes I'm just a naughty girl and I don't want the foreplay, I just want to get to business.


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