# I just need to vent!!!!!!!!



## urbandecay (Aug 15, 2011)

This is my first time posting, I am desperate and need to know other peoples views. I am sorry if this will be long

This is my second marriage, first marriage ended in divorce due to cheating on his part. I met my current husband not long after the divorce. To be honest I was not really into him like that. We were friends and then I "thought" I had fallen in love with him. Everything was fine for the first 3 years. As soon as we bought our house he changed drastically. He would get mad at a drop of a hat. He used to be laid back and calm. Example the first time he blew up I was driving and hit a pit hole. It busted the tire and bent the rim. When he found out he started hitting his hands on the table and said I want a divorce. He said I was costing him to much money and for me to get out of his house. He was screaming that he hated me and my son and if we would not leave he would take all of the food out of the house and turn off the lights and phones. I told him I wasn't leaving because it was my house too. Within a couple of day he apologized but I felt things would never be the same. So from that moment until now I would say almost every month he says he wants a divorce or he can't live like this. This monthly episode as I call it can be from me not agreeing with him on something. Or me just asking him for help around the house. Now I am not perfect but I do not use games or scream to get my way.

Today has just pushed me over the edge. My husband expects me to work more hours. Ok no problem but he comes to me today and states that we need to change our lives. This way of living is not working for him. I ask what he means by that and he stated that more money needs to be brought in the house, he wants to come home to a clean house everyday, he wants to be able to do nothing because he works more hours than me. I need to start cooking the way he thinks it should be done. I need to be a better mother and do more things with my kids. I have two one who is 16 from a previous marriage and a 6 yr old with him. I told him it seems to me he doesn't want to change he just wants me to do everything for his life to be better. Because I didn't bow down to his way of thinking he said he wants a divorce because he is miserable. I asked why didn't you just say from the start of this conversation that you wanted a divorce instead of putting me down. He said I thought if I told you this stuff you would want to change and be a better wife and mother. Of course I just started crying and walked away. But he acts like I do nothing. I take care of the kids things, I work 30 hours a week, I mow a 1 acre yard, do all of the laundry , most of the cleaning, taking care of the animals.....the list goes on and on. I have also been told that I do not do my wifely duties which is having sex when he wants it. I used to be a very strong independent women. I look at myself now and wonder why I let this man treat me like this. I haven't told anybody this but alot of times I think about ending my life. I am so afraid because I depend on him financially and if I really leave my children won't have the things they have now. I can honestly say looking at him makes me sick to my stomach, I have to force myself to have sex with him. Sometimes I say to myself if I would just agree and do what he wants I wouldn't have to feel like I will be kicked out. He has never hit me but sometimes I feel like one day when I am sleeping he will kill me. I know that sounds crazy but I honestly feel like that. I just wanted to vent and get anybody's input.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He will get worse over time. Angry abusive people always do if they don't seek help and put it into action. Most of them don't. So you can either tolerate him or leave. Your kids undoubtedly see what's happening.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Runnnnn!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

urbandecay said:


> He was screaming that he hated me and my son and if we would not leave he would take all of the food out of the house and turn off the lights and phones.


You wanted to know others views ....personally, I would have packed my bag at that point. It's time to make a plan of where you can live, perhaps look at other work if that's possible for you. Do not stay for financial/lifestyle reasons. If you have family or friends around you, ask them for support too.


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

He has abused you verbally, and brought your self-worth / confidence down to the ground. Is this what you want? What kindof example is he showing to his sons? Money, nice house etc, isn't worth it. If I were you, I pack up the kids and move out and give him a clear message that you will no longer tolerate his abuse and stick to it. Remember this quote: "The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others" - Dr. Sonya Friedman Good luck!


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You divorced your 1st husband, why not him. Make arrangements to move out.
Your kids may not have material things, but they will have you.
This man sounds like one of those that only feels good about himself when he has controll, and tears you apart.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Your husband is a control freak... He wants u to work more hours and keep the house clean, take care of the kids and cook... WTF is wrong with him... It will only get worse as time goes on.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

1879 called, your husband is missing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> 1879 called, your husband is missing.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I'm thinking that this is not an example that you want your children to see. It's one thing to show kids that people can stay married, but what they will "get" is that mom was too passive and let the brute walk all over her. 

See an attorney. Get advise there... you've done it before, you can do it again. Make a plan, figure out what you CAN do, and how to do it. Don't discuss it with the neanderthal, just go about your business and get your **** together. 

Copy all financial documents without him knowing. Include his pay check stubs, bank statements, tax returns, insurance polices, titles of vehicles, bills, etc.... Hide them. You will need them later. 

You have two choices:
1. Remain where you are, and watch it suck even more.
2. Find a way to TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!!!


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## Disposition (Aug 2, 2011)

i understand your thinking of trying to keep the marriage together. but if you're the only one willing to make changes and fight for your marriage, then you're just teaching your boys it's ok to treat women like if they can provide a certain life. let me ask you, would you allow your child to treat others like that, or to be treated like that from their SO?

people only treat us how we allow them to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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