# Divorce or separate



## Meandmyself (Sep 16, 2020)

Hi, I am a 36 years old married to my husband whom I dated for 5 months. We have 2 kids. My husband is a very lazy person who sleeps most of the days, doesn’t want to help me in anything or appreciate what I do. He wants all his needs to be met but never asks or do what I need! I tried to tell him what I need but he doesn’t care. I feel lonely most of the time because he doesn’t want to do anything with me. I feel like he has most of the narcissistic behaviors. I am not working currently and he works part time with a flexible schedule. Even though I asked him to work more hours he is not willing. I have a bachelors degree and I can bring more money but he is not willing to fix his work schedule and I don’t want to take my kids to daycare especially at this time!

I am very confused because I want to try anything befor devorce . he doesn’t want to go counseling. My question is when is the right time to divorce? We are not happy with each other.. what is best for my children? What is the difference between Separate or devorce?


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

How long have you been married? And has he always been like this? Sleeping a lot could be a symptom of depression. So if all this just started recently/past year, I would have him see his doc to discuss that. Divorce is never the best option for kids, unless of course the relationship involves physical and/or verbal abuse. They don't need to be in that environment. 

If he is refusing to go to counseling, you have to decide what is best for you. Do you want to live like this the rest of your life? I assume not. In that case, you should see how your husband feels about separation/divorce. He might be fine with it. If that's the case, you will need to see a lawyer. If he's not fine with it, tell him you are and maybe that will be the jolt to get him to go to counseling and work on himself and your marriage. 

Separation = Is where you create a space between the two of you. Either one moves out or you live apart under the same roof. The goal is usually to work on repairing your marriage. And most states require you be separated for 1 year before you can divorce.

Divorce = Marriage is over. You divide your assets, set up child custody agreement and both get on with your lives.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'll give you the same answer I gave you in your other thread asking this same exact question.

When is the right time to divorce? In your case, TODAY is the answer. I would have recommended yesterday, but that's a physical impossibility.

Stop allowing a lazy piece of human **** to mooch off of you. What is so wrong with you that you're happy to be his personal maid, his future financial support system, his house cleaner, cook, laundress, and the ONLY parent to your kids because this loser can't be bothered? What is so wrong that you find this acceptable to settle for SO damned little? And even more foolishly, you're putting up with this lazy POS only working part time when he's got two kids to support and he sleeps all day! 

What is wrong with you? Why do you continue clinging to a damned loser who doesn't give a crap about you OR his kids OR whether there's enough food on the table? How low does this loser have to sink before you finally GET it?????

Read my signature line below about 100 times and hopefully you'll understand what I'm trying to tell you.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

If you're having trouble taking the plunge of an actual separation and/or divorce, I recommend some individual counseling for yourself so you can figure out why you would accept his behavior and why you don't think you are worth more than that. Because you are worth more than that and honestly, so are your kids.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I mean what's the point of starting another thread about the very same topic? are you trying to spin the wheel until it falls where you want it to be? 

If you feel that you don't have the guts to leave your "man" then don't, just shut up and put up. It's that easy. Nothing magical is going to happens just because you wish it to be so. You already were told what to do. Unless lightning strikes him or a martian ****-ray hits him in the head he's not going to change. get that in your head.


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## Meandmyself (Sep 16, 2020)

Dadto2 said:


> How long have you been married? And has he always been like this? Sleeping a lot could be a symptom of depression. So if all this just started recently/past year, I would have him see his doc to discuss that. Divorce is never the best option for kids, unless of course the relationship involves physical and/or verbal abuse. They don't need to be in that environment.
> 
> If he is refusing to go to counseling, you have to decide what is best for you. Do you want to live like this the rest of your life? I assume not. In that case, you should see how your husband feels about separation/divorce. He might be fine with it. If that's the case, you will need to see a lawyer. If he's not fine with it, tell him you are and maybe that will be the jolt to get him to go to counseling and work on himself and your marriage.
> 
> ...


Thank you for responding. We’ve been married for 8 years. His sleeping issue has been going for a long time. When I noticed it I started telling him to see a doctor and told his family it’s not normal. He doesn’t want to see a doctor but He will improve for few days and goes back to his old habits. I mentioned about getting divorce but He doesn’t want us to get divorce.


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## Meandmyself (Sep 16, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> I mean what's the point of starting another thread about the very same topic? are you trying to spin the wheel until it falls where you want it to be?
> 
> If you feel that you don't have the guts to leave your "man" then don't, just shut up and put up. It's that easy. Nothing magical is going to happens just because you wish it to be so. You already were told what to do. Unless lightning strikes him or a martian ****-ray hits him in the head he's not going to change. get that in your head.


Sorry I thought I shared the 1st post in a wrong forum. I’m here to get enough information so that I can make a decision I will not regret for the rest of my life.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Meandmyself said:


> Thank you for responding. We’ve been married for 8 years. His sleeping issue has been going for a long time. When I noticed it I started telling him to see a doctor and told his family it’s not normal. He doesn’t want to see a doctor but He will improve for few days and goes back to his old habits. I mentioned about getting divorce but He doesn’t want us to get divorce.


If he doesn't want a divorce...you have two options. Accept things the way they are and live in misery for the rest of your life. Or talk to a lawyer and move forward with a divorce. It won't be easy...your kids will probably have a hard time with it at first...but life is short. Also once you move forward with a divorce, your H may see how serious you are and decide to act, go to counseling, etc. He also may not, but there's a better chance of him responding to you when he knows you serious.


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## Meandmyself (Sep 16, 2020)

T


She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'll give you the same answer I gave you in your other thread asking this same exact question.
> 
> When is the right time to divorce? In your case, TODAY is the answer. I would have recommended yesterday, but that's a physical impossibility.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your respond I know everything you wrote is the right thing to do for me!!! I grow up seeing women living unhappily married weather they are educated or not! I will be the 1st one to break this. They all think divorce is not an option unless he cheats or physical abuse! But It’s so hard for me to accept all the bs. I am just figuring out where to start.


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## Meandmyself (Sep 16, 2020)

notmyjamie said:


> If you're having trouble taking the plunge of an actual separation and/or divorce, I recommend some individual counseling for yourself so you can figure out why you would accept his behavior and why you don't think you are worth more than that. Because you are worth more than that and honestly, so are your kids.


Thanks I just made an appointment to see a counselor for myself.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Meandmyself said:


> T
> 
> Thank you for your respond I know everything you wrote is the right thing to do for me!!! I grow up seeing women living unhappily married weather they are educated or not! I will be the 1st one to break this. They all think divorce is not an option unless he cheats or physical abuse! But It’s so hard for me to accept all the bs. I am just figuring out where to start.


I grew up the same...you didn't divorce except in rare cases. And as a Christian, I don't take divorce lightly. But abandonment is also a reason for divorce in my book. If your husband left you physically...just moved out...I believe you are free to divorce. Well he has abandoned you and the marriage now...just his body is still in it. But not his head or his heart. Yeah it sucks and is not ideal, but I'm sure your family would like to see you happy.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dadto2 said:


> If he doesn't want a divorce...you have two options. Accept things the way they are and live in misery for the rest of your life. Or talk to a lawyer and move forward with a divorce. It won't be easy...your kids will probably have a hard time with it at first...but life is short. Also once you move forward with a divorce, your H may see how serious you are and decide to act, go to counseling, etc. *He also may not, but there's a better chance of him responding to you when he knows you serious.*


Correct. OP see the bold statement. If he does not react to being served, nothing will, but it is your chance to gauge where he stands, and how much he cares, or would care. A divorce petition can be stop at any time during the process. You would be able to tell if he's for real or not. If you do, do not fall into the easy trap that so many people fall for: stopping the petition with the first signs of a repented partner. Usually that's for immediate short term stoppage. You need to realized and be able to gauge if his "wakes up" it's for real, long term not for a temporary Oscar wining performance until he feels safe.


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## Cup of Tea (Apr 15, 2020)

Meandmyself said:


> Hi, I am a 36 years old married to my husband whom I dated for 5 months. We have 2 kids. My husband is a very lazy person who sleeps most of the days, doesn’t want to help me in anything or appreciate what I do. He wants all his needs to be met but never asks or do what I need! I tried to tell him what I need but he doesn’t care. I feel lonely most of the time because he doesn’t want to do anything with me. I feel like he has most of the narcissistic behaviors. I am not working currently and he works part time with a flexible schedule. Even though I asked him to work more hours he is not willing. I have a bachelors degree and I can bring more money but he is not willing to fix his work schedule and I don’t want to take my kids to daycare especially at this time!
> 
> I am very confused because I want to try anything befor devorce . he doesn’t want to go counseling. My question is when is the right time to divorce? We are not happy with each other.. what is best for my children? What is the difference between Separate or devorce?
> [/QUOTE
> Do you have family nearby? How about his family? A support system is critical!


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## Cup of Tea (Apr 15, 2020)

Do you have family nearby? Or his family? A support system is critical!


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## Meandmyself (Sep 16, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> Correct. OP see the bold statement. If he does not react to being served, nothing will, but it is your chance to gauge where he stands, and how much he cares, or would care. A divorce petition can be stop at any time during the process. You would be able to tell if he's for real or not. If you do, do not fall into the easy trap that so many people fall for: stopping the petition with the first signs of a repented partner. Usually that's for immediate short term stoppage. You need to realized and be able to gauge if his "wakes up" it's for real, long term not for a temporary Oscar wining performance until he feels safe.





Cup of Tea said:


> Do you have family nearby? Or his family? A support system is critical!


Yes I have my family nearby they Will support me. But I don’t want to move with my family I want my own place. And once I start divorce petition there is no going back!


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