# Can men give opinion please



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

A member of my family and her husband work abroad and they are friends with another couple. The other couple live along the route for my family member's husband as he goes to and from work. The wife on the other couple is local to the country they live in and is a good cook. My family member can cook but she is a 5/10 type. The problem is that her husband eats at their friend's house twice or more times a week on his way from work and my family member hates it. 

Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

The short answer for me is a NO.

If my wife did not like something that I was doing, and it was within my control and not one of my 'boundary items', then I would stop it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

MaiChi said:


> A member of my family and her husband work abroad and they are friends with another couple. The other couple live along the route for my family member's husband as he goes to and from work. The wife on the other couple is local to the country they live in and is a good cook. My family member can cook but she is a 5/10 type. The problem is that her husband eats at their friend's house twice or more times a week on his way from work and my family member hates it.
> 
> Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


In my life in my country.... no. Period. Just no. 

In fact, I wouldn't be stopping at another couple's home for dinner in route to my own home even if my wife didn't hate it... and even if my wife wasn't a great cook. 

If I didn't like what my wife prepared, I'm fully capable of preparing (or procuring) a meal more to my taste. 

No.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

This is an easy No.

Especially if the W is willing to cook each night. She just has to practice. 

And, H can't be afraid to say what's good/bad, extremely tactful of course. 

All I have to say is "my sister has always made the best biscuits I've ever eaten" and it's on. Or "grandma's cooking".

So I stopped saying it, 30 yrs ago.

😎😎


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> A member of my family and her husband work abroad and they are friends with another couple. The other couple live along the route for my family member's husband as he goes to and from work. The wife on the other couple is local to the country they live in and is a good cook. My family member can cook but she is a 5/10 type. The problem is that her husband eats at their friend's house twice or more times a week on his way from work and my family member hates it.
> 
> Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


NO, but then again I would probably have her teach me how to cook and them cook for myself. Anyway seems weird. Aren't they tired of him imposing?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A way to a man's heart is his stomach. Uh, oh..

She is satisfying his belly-snapper, maybe too, his ego-flapper.

This lady cook is looking for something, maybe he is icing on her cake.

In truth, I am aware that some cultures put a high value on feeding others.

The lady loves to cook, loves the after dinner mint, accolades. 

The American hosting culture is rather superficial and cheap compared to how guests are treated in Near Asia.





[THM]-


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Sun is right.... "fastest way into a man's heart, is through the stomach." 

I was told when I pursued the latina, that I was to "learn the language". "Meet the mom". And lastly..."Eat the food presented to ya!"


Just some antecdotal stuff here.....


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

No. It would seem the husband is simply looking for a reason not to go home. Maybe to party with his buddy? Maybe he's hot for the wife? Maybe he just doesn't like his own wife so prefers not to go home. It's a very lame excuse, there's more to it than dinner.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Cooper said:


> No. It would seem the husband is simply looking for a reason not to go home. Maybe to party with his buddy? Maybe he's hot for the wife? Maybe he just doesn't like his own wife so prefers not to go home. It's a very lame excuse, there's more to it than dinner.


Maybe so, maybe not.

Certainly, some of that may ring true.

Being on the outside looking in, we use past recollections as to 'why'.

Why is always elusive until it speaks up, and opens its hand.

I too, have some theories on the dynamics and thought processes of that husband. None, having substance, as yet.

It is easy to paint a room, it is hard to paint it in the dark, to paint the actual and proper color, when it has never been seen in daylight.

As yet, we see it through a telescope...... turned backwards.





[THM]-


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I would absolutely continue doing it if I didnt like my wife or her cooking.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> A member of my family and her husband work abroad and they are friends with another couple. The other couple live along the route for my family member's husband as he goes to and from work. The wife on the other couple is local to the country they live in and is a good cook. My family member can cook but she is a 5/10 type. The problem is that her husband eats at their friend's house twice or more times a week on his way from work and my family member hates it.
> 
> Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


The honest to God's truth is that I'd be *thrilled* that I don't have to cook for my husband two days a week and would never, EVER give him hell for it. Sorry, but that's the truth. I'm literally responsible for every meal that man eats and if I'm not home at a meal time (it's very rare but has happened) he'll either eat cookies or not eat at all and then when I get home and find out he hasn't eaten, I'm tasked with immediately feeding him or I feel guilty. It's freakin' pitiful but I created this monster.

So yea, I'd be *thrilled* if he were eating somewhere else two days a week. I'm dead serious. Why on earth is she upset that he's eating at his buddie's house? Tell her to enjoy the damned break.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> The honest to God's truth is that I'd be *thrilled* that I don't have to cook for my husband two days a week and would never, EVER give him hell for it. Sorry, but that's the truth. I'm literally responsible for every meal that man eats and if I'm not home at a meal time (it's very rare but has happened) he'll either eat cookies or not eat at all and then when I get home and find out he hasn't eaten, I'm tasked with immediately feeding him or I feel guilty. It's freakin' pitiful but I created this monster.
> 
> So yea, I'd be *thrilled* if he were eating somewhere else two days a week. I'm dead serious. Why on earth is she upset that he's eating at his buddie's house? Tell her to enjoy the damned break.


Does he *know* you feel that way? Maybe if he did, he would do something about it. Some people enjoy cooking, some don't. Some people hold stuff in, others don't


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

What's on the menu for these foodie calls? And does he post pics to Instagram when he eats there but not of his wife's cooking?


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## hptessla (Jun 4, 2019)

MaiChi said:


> A member of my family and her husband work abroad and they are friends with another couple. The other couple live along the route for my family member's husband as he goes to and from work. The wife on the other couple is local to the country they live in and is a good cook. My family member can cook but she is a 5/10 type. The problem is that her husband eats at their friend's house twice or more times a week on his way from work and my family member hates it.
> 
> Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


The whole thing is weird.
When I was single I used to eat at my friend's house almost every night because he and I would meet up after work at the gym and he would say just come over. His wife is from southern Europe so people coming over was a lot more common for her than growing up in the US. She also doesn't mind cooking (Plus I eat anything put in front of me w/o complaint).

I would not do it if I was married. At least not without my wife's OK and seeing if it bothered her just from the angle that she could feel like it made her look like a bad cook. If the husband's wife is not a good cook and the other couple's wife is a good cook they might ask her if she would cook dinner for them and pay her (either directly or by purchasing/covering the cost of all food, theirs and the other couple's) or some other arrangement.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> The honest to God's truth is that I'd be *thrilled* that I don't have to cook for my husband two days a week and would never, EVER give him hell for it. Sorry, but that's the truth. I'm literally responsible for every meal that man eats and if I'm not home at a meal time (it's very rare but has happened) he'll either eat cookies or not eat at all and then when I get home and find out he hasn't eaten, I'm tasked with immediately feeding him or I feel guilty. It's freakin' pitiful but I created this monster.
> 
> So yea, I'd be *thrilled* if he were eating somewhere else two days a week. I'm dead serious. Why on earth is she upset that he's eating at his buddie's house? Tell her to enjoy the damned break.


I do some truth in this post.
I do see some goodness in you, SSGI.
I have better eyes than most.





The Helmsman-


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> if I'm not home at a meal time (it's very rare but has happened) he'll either eat cookies or not eat at all and then when I get home and find out he hasn't eaten, I'm tasked with immediately feeding him or I feel guilty. It's freakin' pitiful but I created this monster.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

I like feeding my own husband and he complaints about the fact that he has gained weight since we married in 2004 and blames me for it. This year he has trimmed back and is looking good. I would not like him stopping at his friend's house and I don't think he would either. When he heard about Nicola's husband he said he wanted to ring him to tell him off. 

The general view hear seems to be that the man is out of order and should re-consider his behaviour on this issue.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> I like feeding my own husband and he complaints about the fact that he has gained weight since we married in 2004 and blames me for it. This year he has trimmed back and is looking good. I would not like him stopping at his friend's house and I don't think he would either. When he heard about Nicola's husband he said he wanted to ring him to tell him off.
> 
> The general view hear seems to be that the man is out of order and should re-consider his behaviour on this issue.


Is the other woman’s husband always home while these meals take place.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Is the other woman’s husband always home while these meals take place.


They work together. So they go home together.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Nothing comes for free. Her husband is at this couple's house bonding 2x a week. Pretty soon, this woman will start acting as if she knows the husband better than the wife does. It's one thing if the wife is out of town and he accepts the odd invitation ..... then goes home at a decent hour. It's quite another if 2 nights a week are always saved for this couple and with the wife. Every relationship is dynamic. one day they're just friends ........


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Depends on what he is eating :wink2:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> A member of my family and her husband work abroad and they are friends with another couple. The other couple live along the route for my family member's husband as he goes to and from work. The wife on the other couple is local to the country they live in and is a good cook. My family member can cook but she is a 5/10 type. The problem is that her husband eats at their friend's house twice or more times a week on his way from work and my family member hates it.
> 
> Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


*I wouldn't do it with any regularity!

Home should always be the primary place for sharing meals and mealtime anecdotes with the one you love!*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> A member of my family and her husband work abroad and they are friends with another couple. The other couple live along the route for my family member's husband as he goes to and from work. The wife on the other couple is local to the country they live in and is a good cook. My family member can cook but she is a 5/10 type. The problem is that her husband eats at their friend's house twice or more times a week on his way from work and my family member hates it.
> 
> Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


No. I wouldn't.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

No, I wound not.


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## dpoohclock (Apr 30, 2019)

Hmm, yeah that is unusual, at least in the usa. 

I knew plenty of people who did that sort of thing when single, but not married. 
And to actually stop over , as a married adult, at another married adult's house frequently to eat dinner, that is different. 

I guess some other questions I would have are how friendly are you with this other couple? 
Are you invited or are they strictly "his" friends?

Does he neglect you in other ways, or by doing this are you not having enough time together? 

If dinnertime is one of your only sources of shared time, this would be a bigger deal to me than if you still have plenty of time after. 

This could be completely platonic, like maybe he's just male bonding with his buddy/coworker and maybe he's using that time to wind down from work . 

Why does it bother you so much?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

MaiChi said:


> A --snip-- Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


Why not? Perhaps even an added reason to do it. Over the years there have been several times I have done something simply because I knew it would piss her off. Usually it has zero effect. either she doesn't notice, or pretends she doesn't notice. I had a theory that it had to do with her home life where her Dad would disappear for a week or three, then show up in a hospital somewhere getting his meds adjusted. Her defense against disappointment is to just carry on as if nothing happened. 

As the frustrated spouse it means to me that there is simply nothing I can do to get her attention. No real way to address grievances or adjust for problems.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> Why not? Perhaps even an added reason to do it. Over the years there have been several times I have done something simply because I knew it would piss her off. Usually it has zero effect. either she doesn't notice, or pretends she doesn't notice. I had a theory that it had to do with her home life where her Dad would disappear for a week or three, then show up in a hospital somewhere getting his meds adjusted. Her defense against disappointment is to just carry on as if nothing happened.
> 
> As the frustrated spouse it means to me that there is simply nothing I can do to get her attention. No real way to address grievances of adjust for problems.


So Am I right to read into what you say that there are issues in place before this kind of behaviour that my family member is engaged in starts? In that case why not just address the issues? I really really have never understood how two people who have communicated enough to negotiate a marriage, suddenly do not know how to discuss coming home after work.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

MaiChi said:


> So Am I right to read into what you say that there are issues in place before this kind of behaviour that my family member is engaged in starts? In that case why not just address the issues? I really really have never understood how two people who have communicated enough to negotiate a marriage, suddenly do not know how to discuss coming home after work.


To borrow the words of a better poet to answer your questions,

".....'Cause you're the joke of the neighborhood
Why should you care if you're feeling good
Take the long way home
Take the long way home

But there are times that you feel you're part of the scenery
All the greenery is comin' down, boy
And then your wife seems to think you're part of the furniture 
Oh, it's peculiar, she used to be so nice

When lonely days turn to lonely nights
You take a trip to the city lights
And take the long way home
Take the long way home....." Songwriters: Richard Davies / Roger Hodgson
Take the Long Way Home lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

The reason they don't communicate now about this is because they have already tried that. The issues grew slowly , over time. 
Everything was tried. It was easier to pretend that there was no elephant in the room. Now it is easier to pretend that it is about coming home after work. If home was a loving, safe, secure place then a body would be there.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

NextTimeAround said:


> Nothing comes for free. Her husband is at this couple's house bonding 2x a week. Pretty soon, this woman will start acting as if she knows the husband better than the wife does. It's one thing if the wife is out of town and he accepts the odd invitation ..... then goes home at a decent hour. It's quite another if 2 nights a week are always saved for this couple and with the wife. Every relationship is dynamic. one day they're just friends ........


This is inevitable, given human nature. And things would happen beyond the Ws control.

H would go out more with them, etc, and meet someone, then he's off and running!

Not all, but most, and who knows.

It's like a small drop will eventually wear a hole in a rock.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

MaiChi said:


> A member of my family and her husband work abroad and they are friends with another couple. The other couple live along the route for my family member's husband as he goes to and from work. The wife on the other couple is local to the country they live in and is a good cook. My family member can cook but she is a 5/10 type. The problem is that her husband eats at their friend's house twice or more times a week on his way from work and my family member hates it.
> 
> Would you as a man carry on doing it knowing your wife hates it?


I'm not a man, but as a person, I would not do that if my spouse hated it. HOWEVER...

WHY does your family member hate it? Is she jealous of the cooking? Does she want her husband to be spending that time with her instead of another family without her? Is she worried her husband is wishing this other woman was his wife instead of her, or that he enjoys being with the couple more than he does his own wife?

WHY is your family member only a 5/10? Does she hate cooking? Some people will enjoy cooking more and be more natural at it than others, but I think cooking is a SKILL anyone can develop if they pay attention and try, especially with all the recipes and instructions on the internet.

I think if she is saying "I don't want you eating over there but I'm going to keep preparing food you don't like" then that is not reasonable/fair of HER. However, if she says I don't want you eating over there BECAUSE ____, so what can we do that works with how I feel about cooking and what you want to be eating so that we can always have this meal time together?

Also, how far away is this other couple from their home? If the woman loves to cook, would your friend enjoy meeting her husband over there for meals a couple times a week? That might be a really fun thing for them to do TOGETHER enjoyine each other's company plus this other couple. Not sure the culture where you are but if they did something like that they should find some way to compensate for the cost of the food.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

On the rare occasions DW says she's not cooking, I ask if she's hungry, if not, I go out to eat.

This has caused problems in the past but she knows I don't cook, so not a large problem anymore.

But man, this used to make her mad.

Granted after wings or whatever I'd stay out a bit for a beer, now not so much.


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