# I still want to try to work things out....



## tiffy4269 (Nov 30, 2007)

My b/f and I have been dating for four years and moved in together early this year. Lately I have a problem of getting mad at little things or when I really have something to be mad at, I don't use accurate words to describe how I am feeling. 

About 6 weeks ago he went away for the weekend & I got into an argument with him. He was to come home that Sunday but didnt. I believe that he's frustrated from arguing & right now is staying at a friends house. I know that when he is mad at someone, he sometimes likes to just deal w/the situation by himself & he will talk to them when he's over the situation. We normally do talk about things, if not we go to our separate spaces in the apt or hang out w/friends for a little & let things air out. 

I've been going to therapy twice a week since the week we got into the argument. I do not want to continue this behavior. Its not that I get angry & scream & start throwing things or slamming doors, we will just have discussions that go on a lot longer than they need to and depending on the issue, I raise my voice. My b/f has talked to my uncle & said that he's concerned about coming home b/c I might fight with him (maybe he thinks I am mad that he hasnt come home, which I'm not, I want to work things out & arguing would solve nothing). 

I am looking for a temporary job b/c I was terminated from my job due to issues I was having with ethical things going on and I just did not feel that my job was a good fit for me. I've stayed hopeful through this & I am very thankful for therapy b/c it's helping me to think differently & be healthy. He knows I've been doing therapy (since he has talked to my uncle) & I think he's iffy about if it will work. It seems to me that he's just isnt sure what he wants to do, so he just is doing nothing for now. The last time I saw him was 6 weeks ago, we didnt come to any resolution on what we'd do about us or anything. He left our place & left all his things & since has not come home for anything. 

I gave in a few times and called him after a week of us not talking and left him a voicemail asking how he was doing and to call me when he had a chance. I called him twice on halloween cause I was feeling down and I am sure drinking with my friends didn't help that. I sent him a text msg letting him know that I had left his paycheck at his friends house (I am good friends w/ his g/f so I hang out there sometimes and I know my b/f had been hanging out a lot with him lately), and of course the last msg was about my firing. I decided also to call him for the holiday.

He did talk to my uncle a few days after I got fired and the subject of my firing came up.

I have tried to give space despite me calling him those few times. I tried to open up the line of communication so I left the ball in his court but he hasnt returned my calls.

Living at our place has been difficult at times since all of his stuff is here. I have nowhere to go and I dont have any friends here so that makes it hard. I was trying to get to know my co-workers, but since being fired that connection is gone. The friend I mentioned earlier only visits once a month b/c she lives in a different city.

His concern is whether the therapy will work or not so he is weary of moving back in.

Its hard to be in limbo b/c I really have no idea what is going on in his head. I just wish that he could believe that I am doing everything to get better for myself and so I dont treat him or anyone else that way.


I just don't know how to open the line of communication?

I have been staying with my grandma cause I could not take being at our place. He hasnt come back for not one thing so it became difficult to be there and try and deal with all of this.

I am weary about going back home b/c I do not feel ready. It has really bothered me that he hasnt talked to me. I wish I had gotten help sooner and maybe this wouldnt have happened but it has and I am really upset about it b/c now the person that wanted to spend the rest of their life with me doesn't even want to talk to me. 

I tried calling his phone and it is turned off. I think he wasn't able to pay the bill (it has happened before where we had to share one phone). I wanted to make arrangements for the apt and his belongings so I then tried sending him and instant message but no reply. I then called his mom (she and i are very close) this past Tuesday b/c I just want some type of closure to this situation. She said she hadnt been able to get him either and she would email/instant message him. She also asked if this was something that he and i could work on and i said yes, if i could talk to him. i havent heard anything since.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I would say in all honesty that it sounds like from his point of view it is over. I would send him one last message that he needs to talk to you in two weeks or you will assume that the two of you are done. After two weeks just consider yourself single and if he does come back your way let him know that for a long term relationship he can't run and hide if an issue comes up that the two of you need to deal with it and if you can not learn how to communicate then you need some one that can.

One person can not make a relationship work.

I wish you the best.

draconis


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