# If You Were Single ...



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I am sure the idea of being single will put a big smile of some TAM member faces here lol.

Was listening to the radio this morning, and something came up about Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton (no clue who this dude is, but assuming some sort of public figure) getting real serious. Both had just gone through divorces and the question came up about whether this was too fast. Several persons on the radio mentioned that after a LTR they would think most people would want to get out there and "sow their seed", not get involved in a serious relationship. I understand not wanting to jump back in feet first in a serious relationship, but if by chance you meet someone soon after, are you supposed to just push them aside b/c the common thinking is this is happening too fast??? Several listeners called in, talked about how they met someone soon after a breakup (in many cases, they weren't even looking) and have been with that person for many years. I mean, if you are in your 40s (and I can't even imagine what is going through the minds of those 50 yrs old +), let's be honest, the clock is ticking, why waste the last few years of your life not spending it with someone >










Anyways, so this got me thinking, if you found yourself single again, any ideas how you would like to go about it? Would you look to pursue casual dating, hop back in looking for another serious relationship, take time for yourself, etc...

For those who were in LTRs that ended, how did you go about things after the breakup. Any regrets, crazy stories, jail time, etc...?


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

here's the weird thing about me.

i was single for almost 20 years after an early life LTR. when i say single, i mean single, no dating or girlfriend.
i was fine with that and happy.

but then, later in life i found companionship in women again and since then have never been without a girlfriend or at least dating.
i even had two girlfriends at once a couple of times. i would jump online and get a date within a few weeks, usually would turn into more than something casual.

but, looking back, i don't think it was wise. i wouldn't do it again.
the only good thing about it was that it all led up to meeting my current wife by happenstance.

if i were to be suddenly single, this time i would at least try to go back to no dating for an extended period of time, maybe forever.

dating is a big pain in the you know what!


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I can tell you how I did go about it in my mid-40s (and would again, not that I think I'll ever be in that situation again).

After leaving my ex, I wanted a great relationship, but wasn't in any hurry to find one just for the sake of having one. I knew exactly what I wanted (and didn't want!) in someone, though, so I wasn't going to settle for less. I expected it could take years. I dated a lot of women, had a lot of fun, and expected to meet many more. But, when I encountered one who had all the traits I sought - and many more from my wish list - I was ready to be exclusive. That was less than a year after leaving my ex. She was and is a keeper, so no regrets. As for crazy stories, wild coincidences, etc. - yeah, I've got a bunch of those, some of which I've mentioned in other threads!


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

this reminds me of a friend of mine that went trough a series of bad relationships/marriages.

i talked to his ex. a few months after he disappeared. she told me "buddy doesn't date, he marries".

moral of the story: he was a hopeless romantic i guess that wouldn't take the time and patience to sift through potential mates.
he would just meet them, fall in love and marry without discerning. how many other people are out there like that i wonder??


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

jorgegene said:


> *if i were to be suddenly single, this time i would at least try to go back to no dating for an extended period of time, maybe forever.*


You know, regarding the bolded, I think there would be a high probability if I became single again I would end up single and not even bother dating. I don't have any interest in casual dating/sex, so rule that out. I am not a guy who goes out to all these social events/bars. Of course there is online dating, but IDK, nothing really appealing to me about. I figure if I was meant to meet someone else it will just happen, but I am not exactly setting myself up for a lot of opportunities lol. I am sure in part this is my personality though, I am perfectly content being alone and doing my own thing.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

.....


----------



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

jorgegene said:


> here's the weird thing about me.
> 
> i was single for almost 20 years after an early life LTR. when i say single, i mean single, no dating or girlfriend.
> i was fine with that and happy.
> ...


But what about sex?


----------



## rockon (May 18, 2016)

I am 5+ years out of a LTR and loving it! :laugh: At the moment I'm planning an impromptu trip to Amsterdam in October. The single life does have it's benefits.


----------



## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

There is absolutely no chance of me dating right away. Not into casual sex at all, and really can't even stomach the idea of dating. I'll just stay single.


----------



## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

It's kinda funny that I log in and see this thread at the top. Since I did become officially single again in late May, I've been debating when to get back into the dating scene again. I'm 38, going to be 39 in late November. My therapist told me that if you get into a new relationship within a year, then that's widely considered a rebound relationship.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We joke that if we were to wind up single again we'd stay that way. We got together before online dating was thing so we don't know how to do it.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Jayg14 said:


> But what about sex?


Sex robots and VR  I would definitely miss sex, but no interest in casual sex so unless I want to get into a relationship it isn't going to happen. 



JukeboxHero said:


> It's kinda funny that I log in and see this thread at the top. Since I did become officially single again in late May, I've been debating when to get back into the dating scene again. I'm 38, going to be 39 in late November.* My therapist told me that if you get into a new relationship within a year, then that's widely considered a rebound relationship.*


Interesting that there is actually a labeled timeframe. Seems silly to assume that everyone is the same in how they would handle things that anything under a year is considered a rebound. Would be curious, what would your therapist suggest if in 6 months you meet this awesome person, keep your distance until the full year is up lol?


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

If I were single again, I don't think I'd actively pursue dating right away. I'd just let things happen as they do. Life is short so if I were to meet someone, I'd just let it take its course. I don't really want to be by myself though so I'd definitely be open to a LTR or remarriage. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lila said:


> .....


Definitely the winning post here :grin2:

However, I do have the email notification of what you posted, very interesting, never pictured you as someone who would do those types of things with midgets :wink2:


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Anyways, so this got me thinking, if you found yourself single again, any ideas how you would like to go about it?


I'd probably become a guest on "Catfish."










Where after some investigating that they find out that I have been corresponding all along with Elvis!


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Definitely the winning post here :grin2:
> 
> However, I do have the email notification of what you posted, very interesting, never pictured you as someone who would do those types of things with midgets :wink2:


Hey....little people need love too 

Sent from mobile using Tapatalk


----------



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

EllisRedding said:


> Sex robots and VR  I would definitely miss sex, but no interest in casual sex so unless I want to get into a relationship it isn't going to happen.


Deity of your choice bless you. I couldn't do it.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

I would most likely drop out of the dating/relationship scene, possibly permanently. I have come to the conclusion that I am not relationship material. Not that I'm a bad person, but I'm not a person capable of having a successful fulfilling relationship. I am not assertive or particularly confident, I don't know how to disagree with someone whose feelings I care about. I tend to not stand up for myself and I give in when there is a disagreement, especially when neither person is "right", just a difference of opinion, which both makes me unhappy and I believe causes the woman to lose respect and attraction for me, which cools things off in the sex and affection department, which makes me even more unhappy. Plus, I just don't like having to clear every move I make with someone else, especially when I don't expect or require the same. I feel like I'd be happier if I just didn't even try.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Was listening to the radio this morning, and something came up about Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton (no clue who this dude is, but assuming some sort of public figure) getting real serious. Both had just gone through divorces and the question came up about whether this was too fast. Several persons on the radio mentioned that after a LTR they would think most people would want to get out there and "sow their seed", not get involved in a serious relationship.


I think what many people are carefully glossing over regarding the couple in question is that their relationship began _exceptionally_ soon after his divorce. Or maybe not. They were co-stars before his marriage ended very suddenly, and were in a highly public relationship very, very, quickly thereafter. The problem isn't just that their relationship is moving very quickly, it's that it also looks to have begun while he was still married. There's a whole lotta impending train wreck going on there. 


Me? I became single at 36. I began dating again at 38, about 18 months after my marriage ended. I did mostly online dating. I was pretty clear, with myself and potential dates, that I was interested in a relationship but not desperate for one and that I wasn't willing to settle or rush into anything. I also wasn't interested in casual sex, friends with benefits, or anything of the like. About 8.5 months later, I met my SO online. We are approaching our 1-year anniversary and are very happy together. If I found myself single again, I would take several months to heal and get myself settled again. Then I would likely pursue the same course of action - enjoying dating when I had the time and inclination, doing fun things and meeting interesting people, while looking for a meaningful relationship in no particular rush.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

OK, so here's how I went about it (becoming single again after my marriage fell apart).

--separated Feb 2013. Didn't intend to date, as we were supposed to be working on our own issues, and then decide together (after 6 months apart) if we wanted to try to save the marriage.

--After 6 months of being alone and working on self, found out he had started dating as soon as he moved out, so reconciliation was off the table. I decided I liked being alone, so I didn't start dating.

--divorced Dec 2013. Wanted to get laid, but didn't think I was ready for dating yet, so I waited. Kept working on me.

--July 2013. Thought I was ready, so I started dating. Wanted a relationship, totally wasn't ready, was like a hormonal teenager again, realized I didn't know ANYTHING about relationships or dating. Floundered around for 2.5 yrs. Got laid, but kept encountering men who didn't want or weren't emotionally ready for a relationship. At least not with me. And trying to find guys to go out with me was excruciatingly painful. Any man who says that women have it easy in the dating world is full of sh!t.

--Dec 2015. Cancelled all my online dating apps/accounts, and decided that I was done. I felt like I was finally ready for a relationship--and that's what I wanted--but I was sick of all the BS and dating was a PITA. If I met someone, great, but I wasn't going to put any more time and energy into it.

--Mar 2016. Met my current whatever-you-want-to-call-him-because-he-doesn't-like-labels (his code name on TAM is Real Estate). You finally meet the right person, but they have their own sh!t that they are working through, and they want a relationship but they don't want a relationship, so they are all over the place and so you're all over the place. So that's what happens. You meet someone who is just as fvcked up as you, just in a totally different way, but you want to be together, so you try to work out your sh!t together.

So, I guess my point is that I never wanted casual sex or dating. I hate that part. I always wanted just a relationship, that's just the way that I am. But you have to go through the dating part to FIND someone to have a relationship with, which is the part that sucks. I never wanted to sleep with a whole bunch of guys. I just wanted to sleep with one guy, one guy who wanted just me.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> --Mar 2016. Met my current whatever-you-want-to-call-him-because-he-doesn't-like-labels (his code name on TAM is *Real Estate*).


Ahhh ... so that explains the bolded, all along I thought you were some sort of power broker!!!



FeministInPink said:


> I never wanted to sleep with a whole bunch of guys.


You and me both :grin2:


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

And if Real Estate and I go bust, I'm not dating for a LONG time. It takes a lot of time and energy. He takes up a lot of time and energy, which could be spent on something else.


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Ahhh ... so that explains the bolded, all along I thought you were some sort of power broker!!!


Ha ha ha ha!!!!!

No, I started talking about him in the Singles thread, and I nicknamed him Real Estate because he works in real estate. I'm definitely not a power broker, I'm just broke! I work in education, so I make very little money, and I have too much debt. Real Estate WANTS to be my sugar daddy, but he doesn't make quite enough money for that, though he does all right.



EllisRedding said:


> You and me both :grin2:


Ha ha 

My number is a little higher than I would like to admit, but a big part of that is due to a lot of short, intense "relationships" but a lack of substantial LTRs.

I've been seeing Real Estate for almost 6 months now, and that's the longest I've been with any man, except my XH.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> --July 2013. Thought I was ready, so I started dating. Wanted a relationship, totally wasn't ready, was like a hormonal teenager again, realized I didn't know ANYTHING about relationships or dating. Floundered around for 2.5 yrs. *Got laid*, but kept encountering men who didn't want or weren't emotionally ready for a relationship. At least not with me. And trying to find guys to go out with me was excruciatingly painful. *Any man who says that women have it easy in the dating world* is full of sh!t.


No, I'm sure that women don't have it easy in the dating world.

But they *generally *don't have as much trouble getting laid as men do.


----------



## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

FeministInPink said:


> And if Real Estate and I go bust, I'm not dating for a LONG time. It takes a lot of time and energy. He takes up a lot of time and energy, which could be spent on something else.


^^^This is how I felt after my divorce. I wrote this for another similar thread.



> *I’m in my early 50’s and have been divorced for over 3 ½ years. I’ve been here for a while and some of you may know my story. In a nut shell…I found out my ex was cheating for 1 ½ years, I tried to save our marriage by doing everything wrong, and I ended up filing and divorcing her anyway. I am currently raising my teenage kids alone.
> 
> Here’s the issue. I know many folks that are divorced. The vast majority of them, within a few years, have already remarried or are in serious relationships. My friends and relatives are constantly trying to set me up with divorced women. They all think I should be involved with someone by now. They seem to equate dating or being in a relationship with moving on. I feel like I have moved on, but alone…not with someone else. By contrast, XWW was on 3 different dating sites within 2 weeks of moving out.
> 
> Here’s the thing, I don’t seem to have any interest in dating or beginning a new relationship. I suppose it doesn’t help that I haven’t met anyone that I wanted to go on a second date with. I do miss some things about being in a relationship…especially sex and physical contact but apparently not enough to invest the time and effort into growing a relationship to get it. Unfortunately for me, I’ve always been one that only desires sex within the context of an emotional and committed relationship. Thinking about starting a new relationship just seems so exhausting to me. I would much rather spend that time and energy pursuing other interests that have a better personal rate of return with less emotional risk.*


----------



## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

If you were going to ask this question of me even a month and a half ago I think my answer would be completely different. Back then when I thought my marriage was strong, I would have said that I couldn't see myself ever finding that kind of love again… I fully expected our marriage to end with my husband's death due to cancer, and my resulting widowhood. I would've said that I would be in mourning probably for the rest of my life and have no interest in starting over with anyone else. 

Now however, since d-day that's changed and believe it or not I think I would eventually want another relationship despite my crazy trust issues. I don't think I would jump right back in. I'm sure I'd want to date or experiment a little bit before settling down but if the right guy came along I think I would be open to it. 

Amazing how perspective changes everything.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

All I can say is if I did ever find myself in a situation where I was single again, I would be awfully damn careful getting into any kind of relationship. Marriage would be out, wouldn't even consider it.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

If I were single, I'd get on TAM and post in the singles thread. >


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> All I can say is if I did ever find myself in a situation where I was single again, I would be awfully damn careful getting into any kind of relationship. Marriage would be out, wouldn't even consider it.


If I were single, I wouldn't marry again unless there were a very good reason to do so, e.g., easier residency and citizenship in another country that I wanted to move to.


----------



## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

+2, relationship yes - marriage - hell no .


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

If You Were Single ... I'd be confused, kind of like, if the election were held today.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

tech-novelist said:


> If I were single, I wouldn't marry again unless there were a very good reason to do so, e.g., easier residency and citizenship in another country that I wanted to move to.


Even then, I would feel like I was put into a cage. If things went south, I want to be able to get out when I want to on my terms and not have to pay someone's way I wasn't with anymore.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> Even then, I would feel like I was put into a cage. If things went south, I want to be able to get out when I want to on my terms and not have to pay someone's way I wasn't with anymore.


Sure. I'm not saying I would rush into marriage in any event, just that there would be conditions under which I might do it after considering all the pluses and minuses.


----------



## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Immediately following my divorce I joined OLD sites. Subconsciously, I thought the first thing I needed to do was replace that missing part of my life. I was so accustom to being in a marriage/relationship that I felt lost without it. After many months of wasted time going on first and last dates, I quit OLD, and never went back. 

As time passed, I realized that I didn’t need to replace my marriage with another relationship. I was just fine by myself. In fact, I was better off in many ways. I could do whatever I wanted to do, and go anywhere I wanted to go without a discussion or asking permission. My money was now my money again, minus monthly alimony of course. I actually enjoy the freedom I now have in comparison with what I had while I was married. Relationships, marriage or dating, require a lot of time and effort. I always felt as if I was being pulled in so many different directions. Now I simply put that time and effort into myself, which is something I haven’t done since I was married.

I would have much preferred to have stay married and grew old with the mother of my children, not the mother of mother of someone else’s…if that makes any sense. Unfortunately, her cheating destroyed any chance of that reality. Maybe I’ll meet someone in the future and I’ll feel differently, but it’s not a priority right now.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What did I learn through my first relationships?

Not to trust. 

That maybe dating a woman who was bisexual probably wan't a good idea.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

First off, after being with my wife for 22 years, the thought of being single and dating again is really kind of scary. But, if I were put in that situation, I would not hesitate to get into another LTR. I'm not sure if I would marry again, but certainly a LTR. As a monogamist, I am more comfortable with someone when in a relationship. ONS and hookups don't really appeal to me.


----------



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

There are a lot of very attractive women at my work, so I would probably work my way through them, one at a time until HR figured it out. You know, as the depressed guy who's W cheated and left him. He's so down that only driving the Ferrari or the Porsche to go get some ice cream cheers him up, poor guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> That maybe dating a woman who was bisexual probably wan't a good idea.


How so? (I don't know your story...)


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> How so? (I don't know your story...)


She dumped me for a woman who was a previous lover of hers.

She had her moved into her house with their children as a kind of blended family.

And that's just a small part of my mixed up, messed up story.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > How so? (I don't know your story...)
> ...


But how is that a function of her sexual orientation? Wouldn't it have sucked the same way if she dumped you for a male previous lover?


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I definitely move at a snails pace. I love dating and if my GF and I broke up have no worries about going back to it. It can be a lot of fun. The people who seem to stress about it, men or women, are people who have expectations on it. If you just look at dating as going to meet someone new that you'll probably never meet again you don't have a letdown when it happens..... which is most the time. You just take things slow and have fun!


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> I definitely move at a snails pace. I love dating and if my GF and I broke up have no worries about going back to it. It can be a lot of fun. The people who seem to stress about it, men or women, are people who have expectations on it. If you just look at dating as going to meet someone new that you'll probably never meet again you don't have a letdown when it happens..... which is most the time. You just take things slow and have fun!


This is precisely why I HATE dating!!! Spending my time meeting someone new, who I will likely never meet again... and doing it over and over again? That's an absolute nightmare for me. And it sounds exhausting. There are other things I would rather do with my time


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Ok, I'll add this caveat: maybe if I lived somewhere else, that would be more fun. There are a lot of insufferable, pretentious people in and around DC, just because it is DC. People like to network,Ke commectioms, and curry favours--but genuine people are pretty hard to come by, unfortunately.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Sorry, using Tapatalk while in a cab = a lot of typos.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > I definitely move at a snails pace. I love dating and if my GF and I broke up have no worries about going back to it. It can be a lot of fun. The people who seem to stress about it, men or women, are people who have expectations on it. If you just look at dating as going to meet someone new that you'll probably never meet again you don't have a letdown when it happens..... which is most the time. You just take things slow and have fun!
> ...



Lol was thinking the same thing. Maybe it is just me but nothing appealing about meeting someone new just for the sake of meeting someone, to then do over and over again.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> This is precisely why I HATE dating!!! Spending my time meeting someone new, who I will likely never meet again... and doing it over and over again? That's an absolute nightmare for me. And it sounds exhausting. There are other things I would rather do with my time


Amen sister! I HATE HATE HATE dating. I'm a relationship woman, not a dating woman. Not at all, lol.

Dating is exhausting, expensive and time consuming!


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Totally agree that dating is exhausting and expensive. I like it, though. I like meeting new people, wondering how it will go, hearing about their lives and genuinely listening to them...even if I'll never see them again. Kind of like a job interview, only I don't actually know what the job is...I just know it "might" be something I'd really like. So I can be detached from the outcome of it with no expectations.

When it gets to be too much (ie: too exhausting and expensive) I just stop dating all together for a bit.

Of course, my goal is not a "real" relationship right now, so that probably makes a difference. When people are ready for and looking for a real relationship, then it does feel like a sad, slow waste of time with every new date that doesn't work out.

But when I am just light and breezy and not expecting a long term relationship to come out of dating, I like it a lot, though. It is fun and fascinating to meet so many different people, hear their stories, etc. These are people in my age group who are in various different stages of their lives and there's a feeling kind of like "we're all in this together" somehow...because people who have been dating for any time know that it is less than likely that any particular date is going to be "the one". It isn't that we are hardened, just realistic.

Most dates don't turn into relationships and most relationships don't turn into long term relationships. That's just the odds.

I like knowing that I have to go through quite a few dates to know what I'm looking for too, though. I mean, if I just "found the one" right away, every time I was dating, I would feel like "but hey...does this mean I just fall for the first guy I meet?"

I like knowing that I'm not an easy match...it is going to take a guy who has a certain flavor that matches well with mine...and this means a whole lot of things, including, oh let's call it, having lived "an interesting life". On the way to finding a guy, I meet many with interesting lives...but only some will feel like the right match. It is kind of like a shell game.


----------



## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

I'd settle down with a couple dogs, grill as a hobby, and work.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I honestly can't see myself dating again. If I ever found myself single again I'd be so devastated I don't think I could face it, lol. Big sook that I am! 

But then, I love having a beautiful man to spoil, so who knows, lol.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

I was married for 8 years, sexless for last 4.5yrs. Separated in mid January. I hooked up with a girl immediately after separating, had some fun but knew she wasn't long term. Then I started dating a second woman a month after separation and been with her since (Feb. 2016). Unless there is a surprise, I'm marrying this woman in the next 18/24 months. There is nothing out there that could be better in my eyes. I guess I'm not into dating either.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> But how is that a function of her sexual orientation? Wouldn't it have sucked the same way if she dumped you for a male previous lover?


It was because I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

I might have conceivably competed with another man. But it as clear to me that her lover had attractions and attributes I just couldn't offer her. 

I didn’t even date for several years until friends set up a blind date.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> This is precisely why I HATE dating!!! Spending my time meeting someone new, who I will likely never meet again... and doing it over and over again? That's an absolute nightmare for me. And it sounds exhausting. There are other things I would rather do with my time


But this is how you can meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with So it's the good with the bad. When it gets frustrating you just take a break. But anytime I have found myself wanting more than what it is ive been disappointed. 

I know it can sound exhausting but I should have stated that I keep the initial meeting to 30 min or less with little to no money involved. If we hit it off we stay longer. Because so many first dates never make it to second I don't plan long first dates :smile2:


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> It was because I knew there was nothing I could do about it.
> 
> I might have conceivably competed with another man. But it as clear to me that her lover had attractions and attributes I just couldn't offer her.
> 
> ...


I keep running into this dilemma....men who don't trust bisexuality, either because of a situation like you describe, or because of the competition aspect itself (ie: they don't feel they can "compete" with a woman so they live with an uncertainty about bisexuality itself and also distrust it).


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> I keep running into this dilemma....men who don't trust bisexuality, either because of a situation like you describe, or because of the competition aspect itself (ie: they don't feel they can "compete" with a woman so they live with an uncertainty about bisexuality itself and also distrust it).


Way too many bad stories on here about bisexual women for me to ever seriously date one. Too many feel they "deserve" to also have a woman in their life since two girls making out is "no big deal."


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

TX-SC said:


> Way too many bad stories on here about bisexual women for me to ever seriously date one. Too many feel they "deserve" to also have a woman in their life since two girls making out is "no big deal."


Ok...it just seems like just as many or more are making out with--then having an affair with--*guys*, too right? Aren't most of the girls night out stories about hooking up with or kissing on guys?


----------



## Sephirox (Sep 18, 2016)

Like some others have said about themselves here, I too am not much of a "dating" person, but more of a relationship type of person, meaning I rather go for something serious than date multiple people, so looking for something serious would probably be the route I'd take. However, if its fresh out of a relationship, I'd probably take a break to find myself again and work on myself for a bit before getting myself involved into anything else.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> I keep running into this dilemma....men who don't trust bisexuality, either because of a situation like you describe, or because of the competition aspect itself (ie: they don't feel they can "compete" with a woman so they live with an uncertainty about bisexuality itself and also distrust it).


As far as competing, I think the way some guys may look at it. In a normal hetero relationship the guy is only competing with other guys. In the case of dating someone who is bi the guy is now competing with both guys and gals (on the gal front, there is only so much a guy can do if his date is attracted to other females). 

I personally wouldn't date someone who is bi, not b/c of the "extra" competition, but b/c when it comes to compatibility this is an area where we would differ. There are several women in my family who are bi/lesbians and I know one for sure (but think one other did as well) who left their H to be with a woman, so I understand the hesitance.

Curious FW, have there been any instances that you know of where a guy may have gone on a date with you knowing you were Bi hoping this would be an easy in for him to have a 3some?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I'm surprised that so many hate dating. I really enjoyed it, and I'm an introvert, too. I liked meeting new people and learning about them. Even if I'd never see _them_ again, almost always I'd learn something useful about _myself_. I learned more clearly what I wanted and needed - and what I needed to avoid! - in a future relationship. The more women I met, the better my intuition became for meeting others, and that even extended to better intuition about contacts on dating sites. I suppose if you lack time and money, then dating is more stressful. On the other hand, all the "wasted" time and money are an investment in an education that helps you pick the right person when you finally meet them.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel because I have always had a very healthy relationship, the greatest blessing in my life has been meeting & marrying my husband... Many would think I have rose colored glasses on -in regards to finding love.... but I don't think it would be easy at all a second time around....

I am a pessimistic realist (believe it or not)...

The problem for me would be.. I'd want to find something Intimate , exclusive again.. YES.. I would have NO desire to sow wild oats with a variety of men.. even though I've never experienced this.. I just know I would not find that fulfilling ... It would leave me cold.. I would begin to feel I wasn't "good enough" -if the guy could easily move on to another ... I'd want to be with someone who can't let me go, I want to be "special"....I LOVE feeling that about someone .. and I want them to feel that way about me (I understand this can't be forced)... but anything short of that... I'd know it wasn't right.. so let's not waste our time... 

I understand it would take going through MANY to find anything close to that again...if at all.. compatibility on many fronts is NOT easy, and surely even more difficult as we grow older..we're more set in our ways, not to mention complications & baggage so many have (I have kids)... but this is why I think getting to know someone.. at least their values, what brings them happiness, what a day consists of, how they feel about family, money, etc, their love languages, what a relationship means to them.. All of it...how very important - for weeding people out we'd never hit it off with anyway...

We know of a couple who met in high school like us, same age...they had almost as many kids.. she just died of cancer a couple months back... One of those very close knit marriages...the husband is beside himself.. he is leaving post after post about his beloved wife who he misses with his life...missing his "soulmate".. My heart bleeds for this man.. he was someone who loved being married, the whole family thing was his life...I dearly hope he finds someone else in due time.. I can't see him being open to that right now...he is still grieving badly... 

My husband sees his posts on FB & mentions them to me (I don't unless I go on his page)...I told him the other day.. if he suddenly died on me.... I'd have to get together with that guy... I just know we'd have a ton in common... still doesn't mean our personalities would mesh.. but he's from such a similar background.. I'd be hoping to find someone like that..


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I will be turning 51 in a few months I have been in a long term relationship for over 30 years. I'm an extrovert. Should I become single either by intent, accident or due to the actions of others my current thinking is to avoid dating for at least 3 years. (10% rule) I expect that by then I will be (if I am not already) so set in my ways that I will have no interest in a replacement relationship or dating. 

Last night I came home to my 2 adult offspring, who were busy playing separate games. I heated a meal and ate it. My spouse returned home, complained about the work situation that she has already done everything possible to resolve, and is waiting for the arranged transfer, heated her meal. I sat with her through that, offered vegetables, Then she went off to early bed. 

Tell me how my lifestyle would change.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok...it just seems like just as many or more are making out with--then having an affair with--*guys*, too right? Aren't most of the girls night out stories about hooking up with or kissing on guys?


But in most of those instances the cheating spouse knows they are doing wrong and usually feels bad about it. Many bisexual women feel that they have an inherent right to have a woman on the side and its not really cheating since its "just a girl". You and I both know it doesn't work that way, but those sentiments are fairly common (or at least appears to be). 

Lets also look at it from the friendship angle. If my spouse has male friends she doesn't usually hang out with them alone and go hang out together etc. Female friends, sure. Shopping, hanging out, etc., no issues. But if she is bisexual, then ANY friend of either sex could be an issue. Hanging out at her female friend's place could be just as dangerous as at a male friend's place. 

I understand that cheating is cheating. But, with a truly bisexual woman, there are just too many temptations for me to be comfortable dating them in a LTR.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> I'm surprised that so many hate dating. I really enjoyed it, and I'm an introvert, too. I liked meeting new people and learning about them. Even if I'd never see _them_ again, almost always I'd learn something useful about _myself_. I learned more clearly what I wanted and needed - and what I needed to avoid! - in a future relationship. The more women I met, the better my intuition became for meeting others, and that even extended to better intuition about contacts on dating sites. I suppose if you lack time and money, then dating is more stressful. On the other hand, all the "wasted" time and money are an investment in an education that helps you pick the right person when you finally meet them.


Well, just speaking solely about myself, I find "small talk" painful, not much enjoyment from that. Now don't get me wrong, this is actually something I am good at as I need to be for work when dealing with clients, outings, etc... For example, if I have to go to a party for one of my kids and be around other adults, I would be the person sitting on the floor playing with the dog :grin2:


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> But in most of those instances the cheating spouse knows they are doing wrong and usually feels bad about it. Many bisexual women feel that they have an inherent right to have a woman on the side and its not really cheating since its "just a girl". You and I both know it doesn't work that way, but those sentiments are fairly common (or at least appears to be).


Are they common? I have never heard an actual bisexual woman say anything along these lines. I have only heard this argument from others talking about bisexual women.



> Lets also look at it from the friendship angle. If my spouse has male friends she doesn't usually hang out with them alone and go hang out together etc. Female friends, sure. Shopping, hanging out, etc., no issues. But if she is bisexual, then ANY friend of either sex could be an issue. Hanging out at her female friend's place could be just as dangerous as at a male friend's place.


This, OTOH, does give me pause. Never thought of it this way. If I wouldn't be ok with my spouse hanging out with other men, shouldn't I feel the same way about other women?


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Well, just speaking solely about myself, I find "small talk" painful, not much enjoyment from that. Now don't get me wrong, this is actually something I am good at as I need to be for work when dealing with clients, outings, etc... For example, if I have to go to a party for one of my kids and be around other adults, I would be the person sitting on the floor playing with the dog :grin2:


I also find "small talk" painful, which is why I only do a token amount to establish a level of comfort and dialogue, then try to move on to things that truly interest me, and find out what truly interests them. If we can't find some deeper common ground, there's unlikely to be another date. Since I mostly used OLD, I'd try to screen for those areas of interest before even meeting, and get much of the mundane out of the way via a few early emails.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> I also find "small talk" painful, which is why I only do a token amount to establish a level of comfort and dialogue, then try to move on to things that truly interest me, and find out what truly interests them. If we can't find some deeper common ground, there's unlikely to be another date. Since I mostly used OLD, I'd try to screen for those areas of interest before even meeting, and get much of the mundane out of the way via a few early emails.


I think my approach, I would print out a series of hilarious MEMEs. I would show them to the other person right from the start. If they don't laugh uncontrollably then it is clear we are not compatible >


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Joey2k said:


> Are they common? I have never heard an actual bisexual woman say anything along these lines. I have only heard this argument from others talking about bisexual women.
> 
> 
> 
> This, OTOH, does give me pause. Never thought of it this way. If I wouldn't be ok with my spouse hanging out with other men, shouldn't I feel the same way about other women?


What it boils down to in the end is that there are plenty of heterosexual women here in Texas that I could date and not have to worry about the bisexual side. Why put myself in a situation that I'm not comfortable with? There are plenty of women who would NEVER date a bisexual man too. It's just a matter of dating someone you are comfortable with. I have no moral stance against gay, lesbian, or bisexual people at all. I just wouldn't want to date or marry one. I'm heterosexual and would prefer to be with a heterosexual in a LTR.


----------



## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Casual sex...all the way.....no doubt


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> Casual sex...all the way.....no doubt


I must be off my meds, but your post made me think of this scene lol


----------



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

If I ended up single again, I'd probably sow some wild oats. I wouldn't want to jump into another serious relationship. I've spent pretty much all of my 20s in serious relationships. I hardly even dated at all. So I'd want to have fun for a bit. Casual sex, FWBs, ONS etc.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> As far as competing, I think the way some guys may look at it. In a normal hetero relationship the guy is only competing with other guys. In the case of dating someone who is bi the guy is now competing with both guys and gals (on the gal front, there is only so much a guy can do if his date is attracted to other females).
> 
> I personally wouldn't date someone who is bi, not b/c of the "extra" competition, but b/c when it comes to compatibility this is an area where we would differ. There are several women in my family who are bi/lesbians and I know one for sure (but think one other did as well) who left their H to be with a woman, so I understand the hesitance.
> 
> Curious FW, have there been any instances that you know of where a guy may have gone on a date with you knowing you were Bi hoping this would be an easy in for him to have a 3some?


To the last part, absolutely have met men who wanted to exploit my sexuality because they thought it was "all about them".

To the competition part...I always face some version of this. Few men seem comfortable with my bisexuality. Someone else mentioned that few women would date a bisexual man for the same reasons, and I think that is true.

I don't have to read up on "game"....there's dread built right in for anyone who dates me. :x


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> To the last part, absolutely have met men who wanted to exploit my sexuality because they thought it was "all about them".
> 
> To the competition part...I always face some version of this. Few men seem comfortable with my bisexuality. Someone else mentioned that few women would date a bisexual man for the same reasons, and I think that is true.
> 
> I don't have to read up on "game"....there's dread built right in for anyone who dates me. :x


Interesting, thanks for the response FW.


----------



## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Jayg14 said:


> But what about sex?


I guess he could hire a pro. Much cheaper than dating and they leave afterward. :wink2:


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wolf1974 said:


> I definitely move at a snails pace. I love dating and if my GF and I broke up have no worries about going back to it. It can be a lot of fun. The people who seem to stress about it, men or women, are people who have expectations on it. If you just look at dating as going to meet someone new that you'll probably never meet again you don't have a letdown when it happens..... which is most the time. You just take things slow and have fun!


I don't think this would be bad.. enjoyable even...but IF it went on *too long*.. where a man or woman would have umpteen stories of all the reasons they just can't find someone compatible for who they are.. just not enough "oommph" where you both are feeling it.. I can easily see how one may start to get a sour taste in their mouth.. loosing hope that they will ever find that special someone who just "Fits" ...where it's naturally comfortable, both envisioning a similar future. 

Often new relationships start out with a bang, but this is just "Infatuation", it has to be built upon & time testing what is real, too often this fizzles when we realize all the weird quirks of the other or just things we could never live with..

It's surely more of a benefit to date "just for FUN & sex" ... over if your hearts desire is to find something lasting, intimately fulfilling - a soulmate... 

I would have higher expectations.. the only reasonable thing about me here is : I would expect them to be continually dashed.... Chances are.. I wouldn't like what I found either... then often we'd meet those who ticked almost all our boxes, if ONLY....then we'd find out they didn't want us....

"All's fair in love and war".... if we want it.. we have to put ourselves out there.. but this doesn't make it any easier.. so many casualties on both sides..


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Joey2k said:


> Are they common? I have never heard an actual bisexual woman say anything along these lines. I have only heard this argument from others talking about bisexual women.
> 
> 
> 
> This, OTOH, does give me pause. Never thought of it this way. If I wouldn't be ok with my spouse hanging out with other men, shouldn't I feel the same way about other women?






Faithful Wife said:


> To the last part, absolutely have met men who wanted to exploit my sexuality because they thought it was "all about them".
> 
> To the competition part...I always face some version of this. Few men seem comfortable with my bisexuality. Someone else mentioned that few women would date a bisexual man for the same reasons, and I think that is true.
> 
> I don't have to read up on "game"....there's dread built right in for anyone who dates me. :x


I've heard both bisexual women and biexual men basically say that, when involved in a hetero relationship, same sex sex isn't cheating. I've also heard a decent number of heterosexual partners agree with them.

If I were single again, I probably wouldn't date. I can't imagine anyone being able to fill DH's shoes. I'd probably just devote myself to my home, pets, friends and family.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> I've heard both bisexual women and biexual men basically say that, when involved in a hetero relationship, same sex sex isn't cheating. I've also heard a decent number of heterosexual partners agree with them.


I guess it all depends on what someone's (or a couple's) view on sexual exclusivity is. If I am sexually exclusive with someone, that means I'm only have sex with them, period, regardless of their gender or anyone else's gender.

Other couples may have some other understanding worked out for themselves. IMO, those you are describing are actually in a poly or non-exclusive relationship, if they feel the way you have described.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I don't think this would be bad.. enjoyable even...but IF it went on *too long*.. where a man or woman would have umpteen stories of all the reasons they just can't find someone compatible for who they are.. just not enough "oommph" where you both are feeling it.. I can easily see how one may start to get a sour taste in their mouth.. loosing hope that they will ever find that special someone who just "Fits" ...where it's naturally comfortable, both envisioning a similar future.
> 
> Often new relationships start out with a bang, but this is just "Infatuation", it has to be built upon & time testing what is real, too often this fizzles when we realize all the weird quirks of the other or just things we could never live with..
> 
> ...


And maybe that's just it. I maybe just have a different mindset after divorce about finding the perfect someone. I have lived over 1/2 my life on the planet and never found her so I have serious doubts I ever will. But I'm ok with just finding people who I click with in certain boxes. That's why when I was dating I would sometimes turn a girl who I had only limited connection with into a friend...still have a couple of those to this day. I see only opportunity at dating vs probable disappointment. 

I do think dating is a little easier on men emotionally than women in the greater scheme of things


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Well, just speaking solely about myself, I find "small talk" painful, not much enjoyment from that. Now don't get me wrong, this is actually something I am good at as I need to be for work when dealing with clients, outings, etc... For example, if I have to go to a party for one of my kids and be around other adults, I would be the person sitting on the floor playing with the dog :grin2:


SO MUCH THIS!!!

After a full day at work making small talk with co-workers, students, prospective students, and other random people (like my irritating Lyft driver this morning who would not shut up, oy vey), the last thing I want to do is make small talk with another stranger.


----------



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

CatJayBird said:


> Casual sex...all the way.....no doubt


Amen! Can't imagine a life without sexy time.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

EllisRedding said:


> Well, just speaking solely about myself, I find "small talk" painful, not much enjoyment from that. Now don't get me wrong, this is actually something I am good at as I need to be for work when dealing with clients, outings, etc... For example, if I have to go to a party for one of my kids and be around other adults, I would be the person sitting on the floor playing with the dog :grin2:


 What you just said here.. I understand people like you.. I am a mixture of Extrovert & Introvert (it depends solely on who I am around & how I feel in their company...if I found myself in a group talking about partying it up, getting drunk, for instance .. or a load of sports fanatics.. I'd go play with the dog too).. 

Generally if I noticed someone left out...off by themselves... I've often entertained a way to bring them into the fold, striking up an innocent conversation to do just that... well at least if they smiled.. Stone faces - I would not bother approaching... 

I actually get bored with small talk.. I like to talk about something meaningful...something interesting.. comparing ideas.. places we've been (Travel ideas), what is happening in our town, school, where we work, woes, a little debate, seeking to understand someone, where they come from....whatever... I suppose doing too much of this with any opposite sex person could lead to something almost "emotional".. so gotta watch that.. especially if we're married..

On my job... there is this one co-worker... I enjoy talking to him.. he is very pleasant, just his mannerisms, has that dry sense of humor I like ... I come home & tell my husband I think this guy has his same personality type .... I am almost tempted to ask him what his type is.. but I think I need to not go there.. ha ha


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> What you just said here.. I understand people like you.. I am a mixture of Extrovert & Introvert (it depends solely on who I am around & how I feel in their company...if I found myself in a group talking about partying it up, getting drunk, for instance .. or a load of sports fanatics.. I'd go play with the dog too)..


I was thinking about this some more, and I think for me, I like to be social on my own terms, not feel like I have to be social, if that makes sense. Perfect example, I go to the gym every morning at the a$s crack of dawn. Small local gym, so I see the same people every day (for months/years now). I have no issues striking up a conversation with anyone there, mainly b/c I am in my comfort zone, doing something I want to do. On the other side, one of our neighbors invited my W and I over for an adults only party (not swinging lol). I don't know the neighbors aside from being introduced to them at the bus stop (we had just moved to this neighborhood not too long ago) and my W casually knows the wife. Neither one of us was looking forward to going to a party where we basically would know no one, in order to make small talk with people we may or may not ever see again. We ended up not going, got the kids to bed and spent some time together  I do wonder though if these people look at us like we must think we are better than everyone else b/c we don't want to socialize (furthest from the truth, but then again I don't really give a poop what anyone else thinks about me lol).



SimplyAmorous said:


> Generally if I noticed someone left out...off by themselves... I've often entertained a way to bring them into the fold, striking up an innocent conversation to do just that... well at least if they smiled..* Stone faces - I would not bother approaching..*.


How about if they gave you Blue Steel???









[/QUOTE]


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

EllisRedding said:


> On the other side, one of our neighbors invited my W and I over for an adults only party (not swinging lol). I don't know the neighbors aside from being introduced to them at the bus stop (we had just moved to this neighborhood not too long ago) and my W casually knows the wife. Neither one of us was looking forward to going to a party where we basically would know no one, in order to make small talk with people we may or may not ever see again. We ended up not going, got the kids to bed and spent some time together  I do wonder though if these people look at us like we must think we are better than everyone else b/c we don't want to socialize (furthest from the truth, but then again I don't really give a poop what anyone else thinks about me lol).


 I guess there are 2 ways of looking at this.. another neighbor may feel *slighted* if she / they realized this neighbor invited everyone around the block but excluded them...even if they didn't want to go, that could play on one's mind.... so maybe your neighbors were just trying to be friendly... an extended hand - to get to know you better.. I think it was a nice gesture, personally...

Unrelated to us adults.. I have dealt with some of this with our kids.. we live in the country, can't see the neighbors at all.. only having 1 daughter I longed for her to have a friend nearby...that is important for a girl.. she needs a "Bestie"....I tried to reach out to one neighbor with a daughter a year younger.. but she was always busy, oh they came to one of our easter egg hunts at least.....I just got the impression she didn't seem like she wanted her daughter to play with ours.. only very rare occasions.. (they did get along well)....maybe she was worried about our house having so many boys...this could have been part of it.. 

I can't tell you how happy & over joyed I was when these new neighbors showed up.. 4 girls... one my daughters age.. her & this girl.. immediate friends.. I am so thankful for this family.. her Mom & me.. we treasure that our girls have each other -her daughter is like a fixture of furniture at our house.. and my daughter at hers.. she yells at our sons like she's their sister, and they regularly tell her off... and it's all well & good - I smile & tell them that just means they LOVE YOU ....absolutely !

But yeah.. I have thought of those other neighbors, I can't deny thinking "maybe they think they are better than us"... it's just helpful that other people are around - to make up for it.. is all. 

I may try a couple times to reach out to someone (in any situation)... after that... I won't touch it again...the ball is in their court.. 



> How about if they gave you Blue Steel???


Haven't been met with that ...Yrs ago ..our youngest would cause trouble in his Sunday school class, he hated it & wanted out of there.. my husband starting calling the lady in there "stone face"...she never smiled...he says to me - "Wouldn't you want out of there-kicking & screaming !?....just really made me laugh...we had to watch what we said - as he might have called her that...


----------



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

LucasJackson said:


> Jayg14 said:
> 
> 
> > But what about sex?
> ...


Wait, dating costs money where you are?


----------



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

TX-SC said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Ok...it just seems like just as many or more are making out with--then having an affair with--*guys*, too right? Aren't most of the girls night out stories about hooking up with or kissing on guys?
> ...


Thank for you putting most instances. Certainly not every instance. My ex-wife didn't feel bad about it. And when we xo-parent she acts like we're old friends. In my head, I'm like "Beotch, wipe that smile off your face. You broke up our family and I now struggle to survive in the ghetto! I don't want to share a laugh with you."


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> Well, just speaking solely about myself, I find "small talk" painful, not much enjoyment from that. Now don't get me wrong, this is actually something I am good at as I need to be for work when dealing with clients, outings, etc... *For example, if I have to go to a party for one of my kids and be around other adults, I would be the person sitting on the floor playing with the dog :grin2:*


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Omg THIS!!! So much this!!! This is sooooo me :smthumbup:


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> I guess it all depends on what someone's (or a couple's) view on sexual exclusivity is. If I am sexually exclusive with someone, that means I'm only have sex with them, period, regardless of their gender or anyone else's gender.
> 
> Other couples may have some other understanding worked out for themselves. IMO, those you are describing are actually in a poly or non-exclusive relationship, if they feel the way you have described.


I dub thee Ethical Bisexual! :allhail:

Unfortunately, a lot of bisexuals seem to feel entitled to same sex fun in a committed hetero relationship without informing their primary partner. Something about it "doesn't count".


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

If dating is anything like going for job interviews, I'd find that exhausting.

I was recently kept waiting 30mins at an interview. First red flag. Batman said he would have left. 

One role I was particularly hopeful about (which I'd considered was a long shot when applying) got through all rounds, down to me and one other, and they went with the other candidate. I appreciated the time and conversation as to why. Apparently I'm currently short-listed elsewhere but still applying and rolling with the process. There have been a lot of rejections too. Maybe interviewing is like dating; a numbers game. 

I have been told I represent better in person. For interviews, I rehearse my outfit, wear the uncomfortable heels and with breath mints on-hand. Oh and I'm willing to travel when the potential is appealing. But if I found myself in an alternate universe, I'd be inclined to meet others in person, preferably in a relaxed way... and wearing vans.


----------



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> I dub thee Ethical Bisexual! :allhail:
> 
> 
> Unfortunately, a lot of bisexuals seem to feel entitled to same sex fun in a committed hetero relationship without informing their primary partner. Something about it "doesn't count".



There are also some heterosexual folks (mostly women, in my experience) who have claimed that certain partners didn't count, usually for an inane reason.


----------

