# negative nancy



## courtss91 (Jun 17, 2011)

Im in a relationship with a great man, weve been together for 2 years and hes a great guy. sure we have our flaws but not things we cant get over. except one thing, im extremely negative. Its hard for me to be positive when it comes to just about anything. and my man has had enough of it. even when he is a complete angel and the sweetest thing, i always have to complain or get pouty. I even recognize when im being unreasonable but in the moment i always feel justified by my actions. i just dont know why i have to be so negative and why i cant fix it. I dont want to lose this great guy just because i want to be a sour puss. what can i do?


----------



## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Stop being negative.


----------



## voryn (Jun 13, 2011)

heh , ok Maybe before you say something take a few moments to evaluate whether or not you think he will take it in a negative fashion. Not an easy task but take that moment and if you think it's negative don't say anything at all or try to phrase it in a way that's not as negative.

I mean to some degree this is a part of who you are and if you try to sensor yourself too much then you'll end up just bottling those emotions up and getting very septic inside your own mind. 

Does he understand your not trying to be negative on purpose it's just part of your humor/personality? if he doesn't maybe you need to sit down and just lay it out on the table and tell him just because you have a negative response doesn't mean that you think of him in a negative way or that he's not making you happy. 

if he leaves it might only be because he thinks he can never make you happy. let him know that's not true. and if he's a keeper he will try to understand your personality better.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Some micro-cultures are built on mass delusions and escapist habits. i.e. the concept that Dunkin Donuts donuts actually taste great, or that running on treadmills inside day after day, mile after mile, is fun (and healthy). Or that listening to music with nasty lyrics is okay because it makes a statement. Or that if you have absolutely faith you will feel the rapture (like Jonestown, on the extreme). Or that your house will surely appreciate in value because location is everything, or that derivative is a great investment.

It's possible you might be in a micro-culture where your gut is telling you that the positiveness is b.s. and you'd rather be on stable ground. Evaluate that first. I'm leery of pressure to brighten up, especially when it comes from someone who might have something to hide or to benefit unfairly from my cooperative in putting a positive spin on their special project or investment. 

Get some feedback from trusted friends - people who have known you over a long period of time, whether you are a positive person or can be a downer... then you'll know whether you should try to lighten up a bit. 

But, the problem is, it's got to be legit. Acting happy and cheerful won't make you happy and cheerful. It will make you feel like a fake, and resentful for being asked to act some way other than how you feel. :-(


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Get some feedback from trusted friends - people who have known you over a long period of time, whether you are a positive person or can be a downer... then you'll know whether you should try to lighten up a bit.


This is a great place to begin. My estranged husband, although extremely positive, had a way of making me down many things. I wasn't that way before I met him. Over the years I became a very negative person. Also, my estranged husband was overly positive--and that got us into some major binds. Sometimes a relationship does need balance. 

If you decide you are leaning too far into the negative realm, then you do need to make some changes for your own happiness. Also, people really don't enjoying being around a "negative Nancy". There are plenty of helpful books on the market. Plus, a good individual therapist can be useful.

In my situation, I found several factors to be contributing to the negativity. I tend to be very sensitive to other people's emotions and energy. Therefore, I had to learn how to tune that out. In addition, that meant I had to get negative things out of my life. For example, I had to stop watching the television news. It is all negative, and all material is outside of my control. 

In my case, faith was also a factor. Once I really got to analyzing the problem, I discovered my faith was weak. For some learning to turn big problems over to God can be life changing. And that has been a huge help for me.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I am a huge behaviorist. Tell you man that every time you start to get snotty he has to hold your hand. And every time you say something nice he has to kiss you. Would you rather he clutched your hand or grazed you face with the warm wet touch of his lips?

It's a win win for everyone.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Get into counselling. It seems the problem comes from within. Your negativity probably has an effect on how you feel physically as well as emotionally. The problem is it's effecting your marriage. Over time, yur husband may grow resentful of you because of your negative attitude. And it will create big problems in your marriage.

You can change this by focusing on positive things and catching yourself before you turn all Negative Nancy.


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I would suggest counseling. You may benefit from cognitive behavior therapy. Someone who specializes in that, and can help you change your thought patterns. I would imagine its a learned behavior.


----------

