# Paying for own engagement ring?



## artycupid (Jan 19, 2011)

Hi there guys, my husband and I just had a big fight. See a few weeks ago I took my engagement ring off and misplaced it. Turns out its lost for good. The ring cost 1200 bucks when my then fiance gave it to me. well, he makes 70k a year, I make 8 bucks and hour. He freaked when I lost it and told me I had to reorder it AND repay for it.

I called the company and they cant give it to me for that price since the price of gold has gone up. I am easily out 1300 bucks. No we dnt cmbine our finances. 

Thoughts on if it is really my respnsibility? I know I lost it, I feel horrible for it. Thanks


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Maybe hold off on buying one a little while longer.

Last year I lost mine too. And I found it 6 months later!

I was so happy. Good luck to you


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

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My original band/engagement is too big (losing weight) so I bought a ring set on this site for 50 bucks and I love it more than my real one!


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## Zeldaforever (Oct 16, 2011)

I would just get a different one or just wear a plain band. I actually lost my wedding band when I threw my rings in the yard during a fight a long time ago. :banghead:
I recovered my engagement ring but not my band. I haven't replaced it, I just wear my engagement ring as my wedding band.
It sounds like you can't afford to get the same ring, and even though it was your fault, the ring was yours, not someone else's. Whether or not to replace it is up to you. But I wouldn't say you should push the issue of him paying for it, it will just cause him to resent you for it.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

artycupid said:


> Hi there guys, my husband and I just had a big fight. See a few weeks ago I took my engagement ring off and misplaced it. Turns out its lost for good. The ring cost 1200 bucks when my then fiance gave it to me. well, he makes 70k a year, I make 8 bucks and hour. He freaked when I lost it and told me I had to reorder it AND repay for it.
> 
> I called the company and they cant give it to me for that price since the price of gold has gone up. I am easily out 1300 bucks. No we dnt cmbine our finances.
> 
> Thoughts on if it is really my respnsibility? I know I lost it, I feel horrible for it. Thanks


Maybe remind him that the tradition among most folks is that an engagement ring should cost about two month's salary. He got off cheap the first time. Maybe he can make it up with this one?

Yeah, I know a lot of people are not familiar with the tradition, but, as guys, we usually expect it to be a pretty serious investment. And, as a guy, its hard to imagine a woman wearing an engagement ring for the next thirty years or so that she bought herself. So, I'm thinking along the lines that if you wear a bread tie with a little knot on the top, and proudly declare to everyone you know (in front of him) that it is your engagement ring, then it seems that he'll get the hint.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Maybe wait until a special anniversary and get something else-- I got a nicer ring for my 10th


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would never want someone to spend 2 months salary on jewelry for me. lol. omigosh. I'd rather put that towards a house (which we did) or other things like that.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

wifeofhusband said:


> That is much more sensible! It's just a ring ...


CZ or real diamond - even tough for experts to tell now-a-days. As long as finger doesn't turn green - who would ever know?!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That's why I posted fantasyjewelrybox.com


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I would never want someone to spend 2 months salary on jewelry for me. lol. omigosh. I'd rather put that towards a house (which we did) or other things like that.


Yeah, I know its a pretty extreme tradition, but just pointing out that $1200, even a second time, shouldn't be much of a bump for a guy making $70k, yet he's asking her to spend two month's of her salary to replace the ring. Lets a person know where they rate on the list of priorities. Somewhere between a set of tires and a nice TV. The ring will still be on the finger 25 years later, but usually the house will be owned by another owner, if you spend the money there instead.


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

Two months of salary for an engagement ring is marketing bullcrap. That is not to say don't buy anything at all, that is just to say never feel obligated to spend that much. Two months of salary at $70k > $11k. Even after taxes it's still more than $8k. I would never spend $11k on a ring and any woman who wanted that much from me would get a swift kick in the ass. That kind of money is better spent on housing or education fund for the kids and I would never have a problem targeting my hard-earned bucks for those objectives. If she can't understand that, she shouldn't be with me, she needs to be with someone who can afford her tastes.

This particular situation? I'd buy her another $1200 ring with a smile and tell her it's her responsibility to hang on to it and that if she manages to lose the new one too, the replacement is on her because I won't subsidize her carelessness.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

artycupid said:


> He freaked when I lost it and told me I had to reorder it AND repay for it.


There ya go. If you want another engagement ring, I guess you have to pony up and pay for it. Apparently your husband doesn't care to figure in the discrepancy in salaries, does he?

BTW, $1,200 for an engagement ring isn't exactly a HUGE amount to spend. Not that it matters, it's the sentiment behind the ring that counts.

JMO, but for now, I would wear my wedding band and forego plunking down cash for a replacement. He TOLD you you had to reorder and pay for a replacement? Tell him where he can stick his command ....


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> If you invest in a house then, when you resell it, after a number of years you usually make a significant profit. Enough to buy a ring without batting an eyelid. ;-)
> There's something about 'he earns more therefore he should ....' that doesn't feel right to me. But then, we've always treated everything as ours. The husband might feel differently once he's got over the initial anger about the situation.


What does it say about the value a guy places on his marriage if he's angry about buying her a ring? 

Lets see ... a few hundred extra invested into a house? Unless you are planning to add this same amount each and every month, you don't really get the benefit of the time value of money. I made $70,500 profit off my first house after owning it for three years, but I think that if I skimped on my wife's ring, it would've still been ... well $70,000. I'm only saying that after 25 years, I really never missed the money that I spent on her ring.

Sure, my wife wouldn't have loved me less if I didn't spend much on her ring 25 years ago, but to many couples, its more about the permanence of the ring and showing her that she is valued. When she lost her ring, it was just lost until we could afford to replace it together.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I would seriously consider why he is punishing you for an accident and then telling you if you have to save up on $8 an hour to replace it. It's not like he bought you the Hope Diamond from the getgo but he sure acts like it to me.
I wouldn't wear a ring. If it bothers Mr. Perfect, he can replace it.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Maybe he feels that since she didn't keep good care of it and lost it, she doesn't place much value in their relationship?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> Maybe he feels that since she didn't keep good care of it and lost it, she doesn't place much value in their relationship?


I've known people who lost their rings and were completely devestated about it. To have him compound her sadness is disgusting. I wouldn't buy a new one at all. No way.


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## RoseRed (Aug 27, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I've known people who lost their rings and were completely devestated about it. To have him compound her sadness is disgusting. I wouldn't buy a new one at all. No way.


If the OP's H is so unforgiving and not replace it himself, then she shouldn't buy a new one to replace it. I'm sure she was devastated that she lost it... and feels great remorse. 

In my case, my H never did buy me an engagement ring... it hurt alot back then, and it still does even though we've discussed it numerous times over the years. I got fed up, bought one myself and I never wear it.. it means nothing because it didn't come from him as a promise from him. 

We've turned a brand new corner in our marriage and I am hopeful that he can finally see the light as to the spiritual, emotional connection with wouldmean to me. I think part of him after 26 yrs together is his thinking I'd say no... HAHAHAHAHA...


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> Maybe he feels that since she didn't keep good care of it and lost it, she doesn't place much value in their relationship?


This guy is been sexting and disrespectful from get-go (see poster's previous threads). It's no surprise that he is a jerk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> Is he angry about the ring or about the 'you earn more therefore you should fork out' attitude?
> 
> .


I really don't think this is likely to be the reason. There are many men and women who have a very modern view of marriage, and don't agree with the more traditional views. Nothing at all wrong with this view, in my opinion. 

Others, maybe more traditional, believe that proposal should be sacrificial, in a sense, only because we equate her promise to be of great value, and the thought of her wearing a ring that she had to buy is just not acceptable. We would prefer to work with her to afford to get a replacement if she lost the ring. 

My wife was a smart, yet practical woman. She told me not to spend much on her ring, but knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't settle for less. I wanted her to look forward to wearing it every day for the rest of her life. For months before I proposed, she found all manner of excuses to keep our dates inexpensive. We just considered it to be a matter of priorities.


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## artycupid (Jan 19, 2011)

hi guys thanks fr all the respnses. To answer some q's, no he doesnt know about my opinion that he makes more and should pay--which isnt how I feel, I just mean that 1300 for me is a HUGE amount---its less than 1 paycheck for him.

I DO feel absolutely sick that I lost it, I already went ahead and bought the new one. IDK if it will feel the same now (sentimental and such) that it went out of my life savings, even tho i know lsing it was my fault. I feel like now when i look at the ring i will just feel shame fr losing the first one and then sadness at how much it ran me. 

He was pretty angry but also kinda like well, you lost it, you buy it oh well. it wasnt much up to discussion

Im sad to find out tho that he tld me he designed it personally but i went to the makers site and its just a template ring afterall.


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