# She doesn't wanta be married she doesn't want a divorce or a separations



## edward113 (Sep 16, 2012)

She has been gone for 2 months now. we went to a therapist twice and it was a just us blaming each other, the first time i was under attack, the second time I attacked her. When I said I was sorry for what I said she doesn't remember what I said to make her get up and leave. I had planned a nice night out and she came downstair saying that I should go by myself. This turned into our lives are on different paths, and that she was not happy for the past few years, and I told her she is never happy, but she does not remember me saying it. The last she called and left a message telling me that she wants to sell our car by the end of the month, but then other day I spoke to her about it and she said why would you sell the car you need it. And she was talking to me like a friend, she said she cares about me but has not told me she loves me. I set up an appiontment with a different therapist and she did not show up. When I ask why she said she couldn't make it. She gave my this line " I've been a good wife and you have been a good husband all I did was leave you." what is that suppose to mean, she doesn't want a divorce or a separations. She feel that she has made the right chose. Her biggest problem with me is that I don't communicate. and now that I am trying to communicate she doesn't want it. I just very confused and lost.


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## edward113 (Sep 16, 2012)

she is staying with her mom


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

edward113 said:


> She has been gone for 2 months now.





edward113 said:


> She feel that she has made the right chose.


I will give you what little advice I have with my experiences. Usually when a woman makes up her mind and leaves, she will not be coming back. The two statments you made above point to this fact.

Continue going to the therapist, but use the time to work on you. Improve your communication skills and working through the problems you see that you have. Make yourself a better person.

As for divorcing or separating, do what you need to do. I suspect that she is never coming back and is being nice to you to make herself feel better about leaving you. IMO why be married if you are not going to be together. It hurts, but she made her choice. Cut her loose.

Edit: I forgot to mention, you don't need her permission to divorce. Most states are no-fault divorce and all you need to do is file the paperwork with the court.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Your wife is most likely (not definitely) having an affair.

Regardless, your case is not unique. The following list was made for you. Follow it to the T and don't backtrack. In a few weeks you'll feel like Superman compared to your old self. Just don't backtrack.

*Synthetic's 10 Commandments*:

1. Read this link - *Just Let Them Go*

2. Follow the following rules: *The 180 degree rules*

3. Read this short book in the next 24 hours: No More Mr. Nice Guy

4. Separate all finances and stop supporting her 'single' lifestyle

5. Book a counseling appointment ASAP

6. Doesn't matter how you do it, but *sweat the pain of anxiety out*. Treadmills are your best friend. Use them. This is very important: You need to physically feel spent before you hit bed every night. 

7. Think a lot, read a lot, and cry as needed - This particular link should be open in your browser at all times and read multiple times: DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?

8. Find your social worth by socializing with as many people as possible (females work better). Spend time with friends, but don't just settle for your circle of friends. This is the best time to make new ones and feel attractive/attracted. You're not looking for sex or a relationship. You're looking for natural human attraction between you and others.

9. Do whatever it takes to go on a trip that involves a long flight, preferably to a country where English or your first language is not spoken

10. Start living an 'overly' fun life without feeling any guilt. This is the hardest task ahead. It's important to wash the guilt out of yourself once you have realized where it originates from via all the reading and counseling you've done.


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## hope4family (Sep 5, 2012)

synthetic said:


> Your wife is most likely (not definitely) having an affair.
> 
> Regardless, your case is not unique. The following list was made for you. Follow it to the T and don't backtrack. In a few weeks you'll feel like Superman compared to your old self. Just don't backtrack.
> 
> ...


Do this. It wont save your marriage, but it will help your relationship. I have done close to all of this in varying degrees. Still trying to get on my plane flight next week and reading the man up portion. 

Dig deep.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Why does your WIFE get to make all the decisions about YOUR life?

She doesn't want to be married, but she doesn't want a divorce. She lives with her mother now and that's all she wants. She is NOT coming back (that's a fact, Jack!)

YOU go file for divorce.

Get yourself into Individual Counseling IMMEDIATELY and let your therapist help you set some goals for your own life (including working on your communicating skills).

Do something special for YOURSELF once a week. (take up a new hobby, go somewhere you've been meaning to go, take a class, join a sports league, reconnect with old friends, volunteer, etc.) You'll feel better about YOU.

Good luck!


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## edward113 (Sep 16, 2012)

She can to the therapy session the other day, and said hello to me as if nothing had happened, now that I think of it that was weird. I pulled out my paper with what I had to say and she was a bit surprised to hear how I felt. after I spend time speaking of my faults, I and the therapist said we both have unlining issues with anger, me I did not like it, and her she grow up around it and see it as normal. after all this we when out to lunch, and talked about we each of us has been doing since she left, It is like she is a different person then two month ago. We are going out again this weekend, but now I am have second thought if it is a good idea or not. Guess now I am more confused then before


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## edward113 (Sep 16, 2012)

I read this No more Mr nice guy... really helped me not sure if I am going to do those challenges


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