# Wife prude or me insensitive? Opinions please.



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

For the first 9 of our 12 years together we slept nude. It's comfort not sex. 3 years ago she starts wearing panties and and a shirt... Whatever. 6 mos later she demands I wear underwear to bed. I gave in tho I hate it. Now she wants me to wear full pajamas... WTF that is even less comfortable. I haven't given in on this. We have 2 kids 10 and 7.

I never ran around the house all day nude or just wearing my undies. Just from our room 10 feet to the bathroom. As much as I wish I were. I am not so big as to have anything unusually large showing through my underwear. 

She is getting heavily involved in our church. I support her in this as it gives her a lot of outside social interaction she craves. Cause????

Am I being an exhibitionist or her becoming a prude? Opinions???Enquiring minds wanna know.


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## limbo32 (Jan 13, 2013)

As a mom of two, who longingly remembers the nights of sleeping naked, I can empathize with both you and your wife. When my kids hit a certain age, I had to put my foot down about sleeping naked as well. We took advantage of nights when the kids were at sleepovers. Could you reach a compromise? Nude sleep when the kids aren't home? I know it's not great, but it's something to look forward to. 
Church COULD be a contributing factor, but you should really ask her. What does she say the reasoning is?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I'm dealing with the non nude part. I hate it but life is full of stuff i hate. ill live. what I'm hating and resisting is the pajamas AND underwear part.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Do you have daughters? If so, maybe she doesn't want your daughter(s) to see you in your underwear even if it is only to the bathroom?

My husband never walked in front of our daughters in his boxers that he slept in sometimes. He threw a robe on.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Emerald said:


> Do you have daughters? If so, maybe she doesn't want your daughter(s) to see you in your underwear even if it is only to the bathroom?
> 
> My husband never walked in front of our daughters in his boxers that he slept in sometimes. He threw a robe on.


Here is my question. Is wearing boxers any different than wearing swim trunks at the beach? If its acceptable at the beach why is it not acceptable at home?


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

Our home is very open. Bathroom doors are almost never shut and we sleep nude or just underwear. I was raised this way and never knew to be embarrassed or ashamed. My kids are the same. You are a grown man and have the right to sleep however you like. You can be supportive without cow tailing to her every request. Just simply tell her you are more comfortable sleeping and that's what you are going to do unless she has some valid reason for asking


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Worries me that you appear so insensitive to the idea of exposing yourself to your children of tender years. Are children harmed by seeing their parents naked? - Slate Magazine

Buy a new house with a private master bathroom, or renovate and build a private bathroom.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You don't mention kids - if that's the case then I get it - kids have nightmares and sometimes come to share the bed but boxers are fine IMO. 

Shouldn't be the church - heck you two are married. Adam and Eve were nude, right?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> You don't mention kids - if that's the case then I get it - kids have nightmares and sometimes come to share the bed but boxers are fine IMO.
> 
> *Shouldn't be the church - heck you two are married. Adam and Eve were nude, right?*


I agree. Ever read Song of Solomon?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Blonde said:


> Worries me that you appear so insensitive to the idea of exposing yourself to your children of tender years. Are children harmed by seeing their parents naked? - Slate Magazine
> 
> Buy a new house with a private master bathroom, or renovate and build a private bathroom.


When kids are raised in cultures where bodies aren't sexualized and parents don't make it a big deal, it ISN'T a big deal. I won't call the Slate a good resource, LOL how about finding something from Journal of Pediatric Psychology instead.

Girls and boys are less sexual in countries in Europe where topless is no big deal. They stay virgins longer than in the US.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Wearing boxers to walk to the bathroom is fine.
I have a daughter and 2 sons. I'm not one for walking around half naked but my H will walk to the bathroom/ shower in his boxers. 
There is NOTHING wrong with this. My daughter doesn't even notice (she's 11) she's used to it.
She is trying to control you. There is NO WAY my H would wear pyjamas to bed!
This is a ridiculous demand from her. You need to stand up for yourself!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Blonde said:


> Worries me that you appear so insensitive to the idea of exposing yourself to your children of tender years. Are children harmed by seeing their parents naked? - Slate Magazine
> 
> Buy a new house with a private master bathroom, or renovate and build a private bathroom.


This is complete nonsense! There is nothing sexual in walking to the bathroom in you boxers!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Certainly sleeping naked shouldn't be an issue.

I keep a bathrobe that I slip on to go to the bathroom (no en-suite .. ahh well.) Covers more than pyjamas.

If the issue is she doesn't like you being in bed with her naked, well, that's a different issue. Can you clarify?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It all seems OTT to me and paranoid.

You are an adult, surely your wife can't tell you that you must wear PJ's. As for the kids they are fine with parents walking around in underwear, there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. 

Kids will usually tell you when they feel uncomfortable eg when they want to start showering alone or not wanting anyone in the bathroom. 

If kids see the parents being prudish then it will inhibit them and make them ashamed of their bodies.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

I suppose I was influenced by the fact that my dad walked the 10 feet from the bedroom to the bathroom with his erect **** exposed and he also looked at me in the bathtub when I was a tween and he also engaged in covert incest by "dating" me when I was 12-13.

I think your wife's maternal instincts on this should be respected. 

Unfortunately my mom served me up on a silver platter...


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> This is complete nonsense! There is nothing sexual in walking to the bathroom in you boxers!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: 
Saw my parent's naked all my childhood (changing, going to the bathroom ect), never thought anything of.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> I never ran around the house all day* nude* <snip> Just from our room 10 feet to the bathroom.


I read that as nude. Walking 10 feet to the bathroom in front of the children nude.

And I read some of the responses as disrespectful to the wife who wants to protect 7 and 10 year old children.

So yeah, I vote "insensitive".


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Blonde said:


> I read that as nude. Walking 10 feet to the bathroom in front of the children nude.
> 
> And I read some of the responses as disrespectful to the wife who wants to protect 7 and 10 year old children.
> 
> So yeah, I vote "insensitive".


Please quote those responses that are disrespectful to the OP's wife.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

There is nothing wrong with sleeping nude with your wife in your bedroom. 
As for walking in your underwear when kids are around this could be debatable. It's about how you've gotten used to. 

As for the first, I think your wife is being irrational.
Could it be that she lost sexual appeal for you and it irritates her to see you naked? 
Are you fit? Do you take care of your appearance?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Clarification. I never walk naked anywhere.

I gave in on not sleeping nude. I wear underwear. I deal with it.

I have not given in on adding pajamas in addition to the underwear. The underwear reduces my sleep relaxation enough. I don't want sleep comfort to be less than it already is.

I wake early and doze for an an hourish each morning before actually getting up. Any morning wood is long gone by the time I get up. No one sees mr happy being happy.

Buy a new house???? We rent. I live In a high cost area. Unless my wife starts earning 50K + and she never will, we are renters.

I have always done that 10 foot walk to the bathroom in my underwear. Heck, my kids are nudists themselves. Both of them walk around starkers all the time on bath day. I have to tell them to go put clothes on. Come to think of it... Interesting thought, while i simply Say it. The wife yells it with considerably more oomph.

My weight is 5 lbs above the day I got married. I shower every night. I actually can not stand not showering. i feel grungy even at 2 days. I will be at my marriage weight in about 3 weeks... She finally noticed this a week ago that I had dropped 15 pounds. Kinda got mad... What did I do? LOL cut down to 1 soft drink a day. Meanwhile she tries and tries... I dont nag her about her weight. i am not suicidal. MY weight loss MIGHT be AN ISSUE but the underwear pajamas thing predates all this by a mile.

Edit #50. Blonde you snipped "or in my undies". Nonetheless. Did neither.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I think your wife is being over the top with her request. My husband sleeps in the nude and we have three kids. It's never been an issue. He keeps a pair of workout shorts/basketball shorts next to the bed to put on in the morning. No big deal.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> I think your wife is being over the top with her request. My husband sleeps in the nude and we have three kids. It's never been an issue. He keeps a pair of workout shorts/basketball shorts next to the bed to put on in the morning. No big deal.


Reading between the lines here. You two sleep entirely differently? You presumably panties and loose shirt and he nada... Now I am wondering if I gave in entirely too early. My wife can sleep in a parka if that makes her happy.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Blonde, in your case that WAS totally inappropriate and harmful because it was a form of abuse. 

How about a compromise of a t-shirt and skivvies? I think if kids are coming to bed in the middle of the night (don't know if that's true in your case) it's probably better to have mom and dad clothed in something. Of course, that's just my preference. I know other cultures are a lot less 'prudish' than we are, but it is what it is. I think your wife is being prudish in making you wear pajamas. I'd put my foot down about that. 

It might have something to do with her new church interest. Talk to her and find out WHY she's so adamant.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Reading between the lines here. You two sleep entirely differently? You presumably panties and loose shirt and he nada... Now I am wondering if I gave in entirely too early. My wife can sleep in a parka if that makes her happy.


I sleep with a camisole and panties or pajama bottoms. He always wanted me to sleep in the nude, I don't know why I didn't. Once in a while I do. I think once the kids came along,I was the one to get up in the middle of the night so it was easier if I was dressed already. I couldn't sleep with thick flannel pj's though, I get too hot.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

Well, have you asked HER why she's changed her stance on sleeping nude? It seems like you'd get a more useful answer by asking her rather than asking us why.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Just say no. Nudity isn't a big deal here and we have 3 kids. Just keep a robe nearby. No biggie.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Blonde said:


> I suppose I was influenced by the fact that my dad walked the 10 feet from the bedroom to the bathroom with his erect **** exposed and he also looked at me in the bathtub when I was a tween and he also engaged in covert incest by "dating" me when I was 12-13.
> 
> I think your wife's maternal instincts on this should be respected.
> 
> Unfortunately my mom served me up on a silver platter...


It is unfair to project your issues onto the OP. So are you saying you look at all men as child abusers? It is completely irrational to treat all men as guilty just because your dad was one.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> Just say no. Nudity isn't a big deal here and we have 3 kids. Just keep a robe nearby. No biggie.


This is a really good compromise.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

There is nothing wrong with kids seeing nudity. Sex, erections and stuff like that - okay that's a big difference and inappropriate. My mom was from Finland. People from Finland sauna together butt naked including parents and their children. 

If only people in Canada/America were more liberated with their bodies and didn't sexualize everything. Maybe we'd be less obsessed and self-conscious about ourselves.

Anyway, I'm not that liberated. I used to sleep nude but I've been keeping most of my clothes on since my oldest was three. I say most because I have a baby and sure as heck don't cover up in my own house every time he wants to breastfeed - especially during growth spurts! I highly doubt he'll be scarred for life because of it. If anything, he'll grow up to know what boobs are really for and be less obsessed with them when he's older.

I vote for boxers or a robe as a compromise to make your wife happy. Pajamas are excessive though boxers aren't any different than shorts so long as there are no "wardrobe malfunctions" when it comes to the fly.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> Pajamas are excessive though boxers aren't any different than shorts so long as there are no "wardrobe malfunctions" when it comes to the fly.


That's why you buy boxers that have a button. Helps to prevent that accidental pinching when you've just pee'd too. :cussing:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

As long as you throw on a pair of boxers when you get out of bed, IMO, your wife needs to mind her own business about your choice to sleep nude.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Did she actually say its because of the kids? Or does she just not want any skin contact with you in bed? Is your sex life good? Or has that went down since she started church as well?


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Did she actually say its because of the kids? Or does she just not want any skin contact with you in bed? Is your sex life good? Or has that went down since she started church as well?


Always there to ask the good questions.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

bfree said:


> Here is my question. Is wearing boxers any different than wearing swim trunks at the beach? If its acceptable at the beach why is it not acceptable at home?


Never said it wasn't acceptable to wear boxers around the home.

It was my husband's choice to throw on a robe around our daughters, not mine.

Unlike OP's wife, I don't tell him what to wear to bed or anywhere for that matter.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Nothing is more uncomfortable than your kid barging into your room in the morning when you are stark naked under the sheets. Then even more uncomfortable is when they ask, 'Why are you naked?' Yeah...we wear clothes to bed. LOL


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

See I'm up before my kids and if they came in the middle of the night it's well DARK. I refuse to let my kids come between my husband and I.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Your behavior doesn't sound inappropriate like others have suggested. I sleep in my boxers and a light t-shirt since I'm most comfortable that way. My wife wears pajamas because she gets cold. You should do what makes you comfortable. My family doesn't walk around naked, but my boys often pee with the doors open because they feel safe at home. What happens in my bedroom is not my childrens concern, but they need to have an idea that Mommy and Daddy physically love each other. After all you're the model for their future relationships. It's natural. Strict repression of nudity should be avoided at all costs and common sense should be used so people are not made uncomfortable.

Your wife is trying to avoid sex. It's pretty obvious that she's trying to minimize the "opportunities". I would be very concerned if I were you and want to get to the root of this request. I would never demand that my wife sleep a certain way. That seems very controlling to me......


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

If you insist I wear anything to sleep in, you'd better be prepared to enforce that wish with a pillow and a handgun in the middle of the night, because it simply is not happening. You don't like the feel of my naked body in bed? Wear your own damn pajamas. 

Hang a robe on the door and tell your wife only YOU get to decide how you sleep at night.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

DayDream said:


> Nothing is more uncomfortable than your kid barging into your room in the morning when you are stark naked under the sheets. Then even more uncomfortable is when they ask, 'Why are you naked?' Yeah...we wear clothes to bed. LOL


Why is it uncomfortable? If my kids were to ask why I was naked it would be simple "because I sleep naked, it is more comfortable for me". 

Honestly what is the big deal? Naked is normal, to teach kids to be so prudish is only going to set them up for future problems such as body image issues and prudish behaviour in their relationships.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

weightlifter said:


> For the first 9 of our 12 years together we slept nude. It's comfort not sex. 3 years ago she starts wearing panties and and a shirt... Whatever. 6 mos later she demands I wear underwear to bed. I gave in tho I hate it. Now she wants me to wear full pajamas... WTF that is even less comfortable. I haven't given in on this. We have 2 kids 10 and 7.
> 
> I never ran around the house all day nude or just wearing my undies. Just from our room 10 feet to the bathroom. As much as I wish I were. I am not so big as to have anything unusually large showing through my underwear.
> 
> ...


Your wife's attitude is really unhealthy - sexualising all nudity. She is also being tyrannical and if you don't draw a line here, where will it end?


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

kids are traumatized by what they go through in life growing up.we all want productive aware young people around us.my wife & I always slept nude,the kids also,unless cold/from air conditioners. they areraising great families themselves now. loose morals is the problem where things go wrong. my humble opinion. we are christians/church going/ involved family.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I don't see why you sleeping naked should be such a big deal? I could care less how my husband sleeps. It's _your_ body, _your_ sleep style and only _you_ will be effected negatively by it, so that makes it entirely your choice. I definitely agree with the poster who said she's just trying to avoid sex and limit the opportunities for you to initiate it.

So yeah, I vote "prude".


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bfree said:


> Here is my question. Is wearing boxers any different than wearing swim trunks at the beach? If its acceptable at the beach why is it not acceptable at home?


Maybe it grosses out the kids. 

My husband had the same argument. But the teens reponse was that they did not want to see it and they surely did not want to bring their friends over when he was walking around in boxers and/or no shirt.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> I never ran around the house all day nude or just wearing my undies. Just from our room 10 feet to the bathroom. As much as I wish I were. I am not so big as to have anything unusually large showing through my underwear.


1) I would consider walking around the house in your underwear inappropriate as in gross as far as your kids are concerned. By a nice long robe and keep it next to your bed. Problem solved. 

If your kids barge into your bedroom and your both nude in bed--so what? Pull the blanket up. Trying to "shield" your kids from the fact that their parents are physically intimate is dumb, imho, because there's nothing to shield them from. Your modeling a normal relationship between a married couple. 



> She is getting heavily involved in our church. I support her in this as it gives her a lot of outside social interaction she craves. Cause????


I find it interesting that you mention this. I'm assuming you don't attend church with her, and consequently you don't know their beliefs. Unfortunately, many denominations have an incorrect Biblical view of sex within marriage--that its somehow dirty or sinful. This is, in fact, the exact opposite of what the Bible actually teaches. Paul bluntly states that marital sex IS NOT a sin (1 Corinthians 7:28) and that married couples should engage in sex on a regular basis (1 Corinithans 7:3-6). 

Consider this passage (The Message translation)from the Bible's Song of Soloman (which is a book about two lovers alternatively talking about each other):

Quotes from the woman:

"When my King-Lover lay down beside me,
my fragrance filled the room.
His head resting between my breasts—
the head of my lover was a sachet of sweet myrrh.
My beloved is a bouquet of wildflowers
picked just for me from the fields of Engedi."

"As an apricot tree stands out in the forest,
my lover stands above the young men in town.
All I want is to sit in his shade,
to taste and savor his delicious love.
He took me home with him for a festive meal,
but his eyes feasted on me!
Oh! Give me something refreshing to eat—and quickly!
Apricots, raisins—anything. I’m about to faint with love!
His left hand cradles my head,
and his right arm encircles my waist!"

Quotes from the man:

"The sweet, fragrant curves of your body,
the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay
until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless."

"You are tall and supple, like the palm tree,
and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates.
I say, “I’m going to climb that palm tree!
I’m going to caress its fruit!”
Oh yes! Your breasts
will be clusters of sweet fruit to me,
Your breath clean and cool like fresh mint,
your tongue and lips like the best wine."

Yes Virginia, that is right out of the Bible. You can read it here: Song of Solomon 1 MSG - The Song

Ironically, it seems to be the right-wing, conservative Baptists churches that have the most open attitude when it comes to sex in marriage. Our pastor once described his body as his wife's "private jungle jim" (and yes, she was sitting in the audience at the time). 

It would behove you to find out a little about the church your wife is attending--the denomination and their general doctrine towards sex in marriage. It come become a barrier between you and your wife. On the other hand, it could also become your strongest ally in removing barriers to sexual intimacy between yourself and your wife.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

bfree said:


> Here is my question. Is wearing boxers any different than wearing swim trunks at the beach? If its acceptable at the beach why is it not acceptable at home?


Yes, it's different. They evoke different emotional responses.

Despite the similarities, one's underwear and one isn't. Something in the back of your head is saying "I'm seeing this person in their underwear."


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Maybe, but there shouldn't be mental scarring from seeing your own dad in his underwear. Period. 

The wife is whack.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I wonder how this turned out. I gave up nude for loose cotton workout shorts and a t shirt. The wife and the kids have never said boo about them. Why would they.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> For the first 9 of our 12 years together we slept nude. It's comfort not sex.


This is the OP's own reasons for sleeping in the nude.That's why I think its wrong to jump to the conclusion his wife's new found desire for more modesty has anything to do with her trying to make less opportunity for sex .98% of the time my husband and I have ever had sex we started out with some sort of clothing on we had to disrobe.Not only that I'm the one that likes to sleep nude sometimes (I get hot) my husband has never slept in the nude he says hes not comfortable.He even puts back on his PJ's if he takes them off in the bed when we have sex afterwords.And hes the one that wants more sex than me.I personally have never preferred sleeping in the nude to make more opportunity to have sex..and when I wear pJs or a gown it doesn't "hinder" me one bit if I want to have sex nor do I wear them either to put a "barrier" between he and I to make sex more "difficult"..Duh it takes 5 seconds to get your clothes off.

As far as the nude in front of the children?At your children's ages there should rarely be any reason for them to need to come in your room when you are in the bed sleeping ...And the solution is simple keep a robe at the foot of your bed on your side that you can grab and slip on if for whatever reason you need to get up .I did have to learn that the hard way myself.The house WAS litterally on fire.specifically my bed.In fact my then 3 and 1/2 year old SET in on fire.(but that's a whole other story).

And I agree with the poster that said to answer the children IF they even ask "why are you naked"(IN THE BED)...the answer is ..I SLEEP in the nude .Lots of people prefer to sleep nude UNDER the covers.

As far as seeing you in your boxers?Unless your penis is hanging out of them I think its silly to suggest your kids seeing you in GASP 'underwear" is a traumatic event.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

oh also as to the specific question .Why does it have to be one extreme or the other?Why do you need to be either insensitive or she a prude?Why cant if be ya'll just have different views on it ?I dont think you or she are being out out this world unbelievably unreasonable.I would however lean more on your side as to how you prefer to SLEEP (IN the bed In the privacy of your bedroom).And I'm in agreement with her that you should be covered (your BOTTOM) when not in your bedroom.But it sounds like you agree with that too.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Lots of questions left begging here.

Did kids see something and go to mom about it? 
What's the reason for her change of mind besides the church? 

I think that an ongoing conflict about this can be just as bad for the kids as an occasional glimpse by accident, but when I hear that she has suddenly changed when kids are 7-10, my alarm bells start going off and I suspect there's more to the story.

If the kids are in the habit of barging into bedrooms and bathrooms, set limits with them, but be willing to demonstrate appropriate boundaries, too. 

I think you should behave in a way that models what you want them to think is appropriate for a pal's dad to do if they're overnighting at a friend's house.


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