# To Blow or Not to Blow?



## Hailey2009 (Oct 27, 2012)

So I'm currently hosting my monthly guest that reminds me I'm a woman and hubby, who didn't make a decent pass at me for the last week or so, suddenly told me he wants a blow job tonight since sex isn't going to happen.

Not against blow jobs, enjoy them actually. But sort of against this entitled, wait until my pleasure is out of the picture, approach.

Too sensitive or fairly annoyed?

Thanks in advance.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

He seems more interested in his needs more than your needs right now since Aunt Flow is visiting. Is he typically like this? 

When Aunt Flow is gone, does he take care of your needs?

PS: Good to see you on TAM. I haven't seen you in awhile.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why is your pleasure out of the picture? My SO (and my STBXW, when she was in the picture) and I don't let a little mess get in our way. We're all washable. The only thing "off limits" was oral on her.

But yeah, it seems like a jackass move on his part. Is he usually unconcerned about your pleasure?

C


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Do you not enjoy anything sexual during your period? Just trying to figure out why you feel you can't have something physically pleasing, too. If PIV is off the table, how about a nice clitoral massage? Or just a regular massage for that matter?


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> Do you not enjoy anything sexual during your period? Just trying to figure out why you feel you can't have something physically pleasing, too. If PIV is off the table, how about a nice clitoral massage? Or just a regular massage for that matter?


:iagree::iagree::iagree: My wife gets foot massages, back massages and other stuff during "down" times like this. There is a lot more to do when the cave is closed.


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## Hailey2009 (Oct 27, 2012)

We generally take a week off -- but history has been fairly active in the other weeks. Tapered off recently which is why his request / expectation didn't land well.

He is generally a him-first sorta man -- but with enough to offer, that things work out satisfyingly for me too.

Apologies for the apparent punctuation failure, Mr. Avg. I will strive for better grades going forward. 

And thanks INTD -- it has been awhile, no great reason.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Hailey2009 said:


> So I'm currently hosting my monthly guest that reminds me I'm a woman and hubby, who didn't make a decent pass at me for the last week or so, suddenly told me he wants a blow job tonight since sex isn't going to happen.
> 
> Not against blow jobs, enjoy them actually. But sort of against this entitled, wait until my pleasure is out of the picture, approach.
> 
> ...



When you got married, you are to take care of your hubby's needs as your own. If he is in the mood during that time of the month, you can give him oiled hand, breast and foot jobs and BJ's.

And he is to take care of your needs as his own, whatever they might be. It's 50 / 50, give and take and should not be seen as entitlement, rather, pleasing him because you love him.

For myself, when its my wife's time of the month, I get maybe 1 to 2 BJ's during that week. My wife does this because she does enjoy pleasing me and she knows there will be no sex and I can't go 1 - 2+ weeks of no sex. She always uses her tongue and swallows. She doesn't love the taste, so I asked her what can I do? She wants her fav drink almond chocolate milk nearby, so that's what we do and it works. Something about her mouth, saliva, sounds she makes and her tongue, oh I love her tongue, drives me crazy and she knows it. I also give my wifee foot and back rubs during her time of the month and holding her, cuddling on the couch.

You can always try PIV together in the shower during the time of the month and some women actually find it soothing and then there is always anal sex.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why don't you ask him how he's going to help you get yours if he gets a bj? I would ask my hb,, though I don't have to because he volunteers. You have to set an expectation of what you will and won't accept.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

This one is hard for me. Mainly because in our marriage the rolls are reversed compared to Hailey. I very much get satisfaction from pleasing my wife, but as far as she's concerned, I'm responsible for my own pleasure.

My wife has said that it seems too one sided for her to give a BJ during her monthly, even though I'm more than willing to do anything she asks during that time too.


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## Hailey2009 (Oct 27, 2012)

If I'm honest, there is a part of me that is worried this is a test. And if I agree to this, he can escalate to other non-vaginal options once a month ....


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Give him one. Its not tit for tat. If my husband wanted one he would just ask, and he would get it. I have just come off my monthly, but mine only lasts for 5 days anyway, but my hubby was feeling randy when i was on, so he asked for one and he got it.

It never really crossed my mind to think when he last pleasured me. 

Besides there is always your top half just because your bottom is out of bounds...... so you both can enjoy it.

If i feel like something from hubby, I just ask him, like he asks me....

If ya do not ask you do not get.


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## Hailey2009 (Oct 27, 2012)

Ok, thanks for clearing my thoughts on this TAM-ers. 

As I generally favor generosity over selfishness and would rather invest than subtract from our sexual relationship, I will deliver as requested.

And I'm sort of an all-in girl, so I'll probably even kink it up a bit, lol.

Thanks again.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Hailey2009 said:


> Ok, thanks for clearing my thoughts on this TAM-ers.
> 
> As I generally favor generosity over selfishness and would rather invest than subtract from our sexual relationship, I will deliver as requested.
> 
> ...



You are a great wife with with this mindset.:smthumbup:

Don't see sex during your time of the month as entitlement and deliver. See it as, you love your hubby, he is in the mood, and you are taking care of him. Doesn't matter which day or week it is. Sex and intimacy is spontaneous, fun and what will he or she could do next.....see?

Yes, kink it up, but never ask him, just surprise and do it with him. And let him know what he can do to kink it up for you.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I agree with melw74, 
If he would do the same for you it is fine -if not than no. Also if this was like an ongoing thing where he is not in the mood and all the sudden when you are not feeling available he wants a BJ than you should probably put a stop to it. Because when you allow people to be selfish they just keep right on doing it.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> This one is hard for me. Mainly because in our marriage the rolls are reversed compared to Hailey. I very much get satisfaction from pleasing my wife, but as far as she's concerned, I'm responsible for my own pleasure.
> 
> My wife has said that it seems too one sided for her to give a BJ during her monthly, even though I'm more than willing to do anything she asks during that time too.


This seems so selfish to me. I find it literally incomprehensible.

As for the OP, if your husband's generally good and unselfish in bed then why not do what he asks. If he's a selfish jerk, then you've got bigger issues


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

I dont think ive ever turned down giving a guy a bj ..... perhaps because i enjoy giving bjs so much umm more than the guy receiving one wink wink.

With that said I'd enjoy giving him one and he would enjoy as well but once done then i'd communicate with him my concerns and thoughts. This would show him im thoughtful of his needs as he should be of mine umm ...... once my period is done ahem ahem









_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Tell him that it's time for him to earn his red wings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

It's a poor soldier, than never fights a bloody battle. LOL


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## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

Hailey2009 said:


> If I'm honest, there is a part of me that is worried this is a test. And if I agree to this, he can escalate to other non-vaginal options once a month ....


A test of what?


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

It's not clear if he's selfish or just a direct person. Assuming he's a decent guy, do you want a largely harmonious marriage and to be a loving wife? You can start over-thinking now and create a precedent of rejection. That will ensure he grows distance, resentful and self-hating over the years. Or make him feel like man and reap the benefits. Your call.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Bad move on his part, giving women sexual options is always a bad idea. You have to make it so sex,oral and for the love of god swallowing is the default assumption on her part.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

What about the times you're feeling nauseous during your period though? Surely he wouldn't expect a bj then?

During the first 3 days of mine, I'm so crampy and nauseous I can hardly eat, let alone stick something in my mouth and suck on it...seriously, I'd throw up.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

frusdil said:


> What about the times you're feeling nauseous during your period though? Surely he wouldn't expect a bj then?
> 
> During the first 3 days of mine, I'm so crampy and nauseous I can hardly eat, let alone stick something in my mouth and suck on it...seriously, I'd throw up.


Very true that's why there is other places.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Quant said:


> Very true that's why there is other places.


So even when your lady is in PAIN, you'd still expect her to get you off??? Really??


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

frusdil said:


> So even when your lady is in PAIN, you'd still expect her to get you off??? Really??


Depends a couple of days is fine more then a week is not. Anyways my woman is extra horny come period time.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If her cramps are bad, try midol.

Midol - for Relief of your Menstrual Symptoms


And she can always just give him an oiled hand, breast or foot job, right?

But I also agree, 1 week of no sex is too long already.


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> If her cramps are bad, try midol.
> 
> Midol - for Relief of your Menstrual Symptoms
> 
> ...


You sexist pig dog!!!!! But seriously I could have sex three times a day.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Quant said:


> You sexist pig dog!!!!! But seriously I could have sex three times a day.


I know. I'm just a terrible man for suggesting a medication to minimize painful cramps for the ladies....

My suggestions, alternatives, using her hands, breasts or feet are painless and with oil, very quick.

I too could still have sex 3x day but realistically, 3x week, I can live with that.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> Tell him that it's time for him to earn his red wings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You're not a farmer until you have plowed a muddy field.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

My flow is very heavy so I'm not comfortable with piv sex and mine lasts for 7 days....sucks. 

My husband will get a few bjs during that week I can't remember if he puts any effort into romancing me or not but my love bank is pretty full. Sometimes he will ask/say/hint for a bj and it happens. The thing that changed our dynamics of it was I told him it was unfair to get me all riled up with sex, then leave me hanging. You had a great time and now I want to play too. 

9 outta 10 he rips off my clothes and goes to town.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

usmarriedguy said:


> You're not a farmer until you have plowed a muddy field.


You can plow 1000 fields in the mud and I will guarantee you will never be a farmer.

However, if you plough just one field in slightly damp conditions, you will be!!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

This thread really pi$$es me off big time.

....there are wifes/girlfriends out there who LIKE giving BJ's and do it because they actually enjoy it and because they love their men...??

Now I know....my wife cannot be from planet Earth....Zog probably.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I'm not sure this totally applies here, but I think it is worth taking note of The Curious Wife's and her husbands story.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Yep. I used to love giving BJ during period week. But after a year I grew resentful of giving him 3+ bjs during the week, and me getting zilch. 

Now he doesn't get any, sadly, because he will not give any. That is his choice.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

When the visitor arrived at our house back when it mattered, nothing happened of a sexual nature.


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

Well I am too old now for periods, but when I did have them they were heavy and I had cramps that hurt down to my knees.

They best thing for the cramps was an orgasm of the hard thrusting PIV kind. Nothing a bunch of towels on the bed couldn't handle. Even stifles the flow for a while. Can also be done in the shower, but it is harder to get the deep thrusts I was wanting.

I was always horny during my periods, perhaps one partner was off put when I suggested it, but he came round soon enough. 

I say don't knock it until you've tried it. I can't understand what is so off limits about having sex during ones periods.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

:iagree:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I think the issue is OP is feeling neglected after a week of no sex and now that she has her period, he wants a BJ. 

Hailey, what if you simply told him that you'd be happy to take care of his needs, and let him know you also feel neglected because he showed no interest in you for a while week. 

That would anger me too!


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I think the issue is OP is feeling neglected after a week of no sex and now that she has her period, he wants a BJ.
> 
> Hailey, what if you simply told him that you'd be happy to take care of his needs, and let him know you also feel neglected because he showed no interest in you for a while week.
> 
> That would anger me too!


That's why I sexually harass at all times.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Quant said:


> That's why I sexually harass at all times.


Good plan!


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Your hubby needs thank his lucky stars he has a wife that wants to do that at all.

He also needs to make you feel loved during your week. Maybe he is afraid if he makes a pass at you then you would get upset because he doesn't want to actually do anything with you there. Have you had that conversation with him? Maybe you guys could do other stuff like manual on you with a vibe, AS, boob sex?


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## Hailey2009 (Oct 27, 2012)

Errrr, AS would be him getting what he wants rather than me. 

He's doing just fine with the blow jobs at the moment (yes, plural -- and an eye mask seemed to be a nice addition one night). 

And for now I'm going to focus on keeping things hot the other three weeks (then we can figure out my part of the fourth). 

Thanks again, TAM.


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