# How far do I have to go?



## altaclara29 (Jul 30, 2014)

I have a husband who is completely uncommunicative. He'll talk about silly nonsense and irrelevant daily things, but will never engage in anything serious or important, like feelings. But he's very demanding when it comes to sex. If he takes a shower he constantly bugs me to do a striptease, even though it might be 7 AM and I just woke up and I have to get breakfast ready for kids and off to school. If I don't do what he asked then he gets very pissy; if I do what he asks then he's got to push the envelope for more and more (put your finger in your ...., lick The shower like you're giving me a blow-job etc.) Nothing is quick. It's the same with regular sex. Now he's telling me unless I start performing sexually the way he wants then our relationship is over, but he still will not contribute in the communication department. Also, whenever he hugs me it's not just a hug it's always a grope. Groping my breasts, my butt, my genitals. When I ask him not to grope me he gets very upset and says I'm always picking on him. I know I chose him as a husband but he seemed a lot different then. His behavior really turns me off but if I tell him then he gets mad at me and says I'm always picking on him. How far do I have to go to maintain a normal marriage? He has said that if I don't fulfill his sexual fantasies then he's moving into another room in the house. His behavior has made me feel completely over sex. We live in a small town and he won't do any marriage counseling because he thinks he's just fine. We've been together 15 years. Oh, and by the way he works at home, has no hobbies, doesn't exercise, takes anti-depressants, and rely solely on me and our children for entertainment.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

Good god.

15 years, multiple children.......how long has he been like this? We need a longer, more detailed timeline. There has to be other events affecting the present. What was he like when you dated? After marriage, but before kids? After kids? What's his job situation/history? What's yours? Your husband is screaming personal issues, seems to be translating into demeaning and objectifying you.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Well, you certainly shouldn't have to jump through hoops to maintain a "normal" marriage. Licking the shower? Strip-tease in the morning? Shove your finger up your ****? All because HE wants you to? What's he doing for you? Absolutely nothing.

Let him move into a different bedroom. That will get rid of the sexual pressure he's putting you under.

Then I would issue an ultimatum -- either he gets counseling or you're outta here.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would set your boundaries, and if that doesn't work to him, he can do what he feels he needs to do. Being his personal sex puppet doesn't seem reasonable to me. 

C
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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I would start with checking on what I suspect is a massive porn habit and seeing if you can get him to lay off that for a while. He needs to be in IC and the two of you need a really excellent MC. Oh, and next time he slings a fit over you not performing like a trained seal and threatens to leave or move to the guest room, help him pack a bag. He's treating you this way because he wants to and obviously can. He'll continue doing it until you make it clear, through your actions, that he can't any longer.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

For crying out loud woman put on your big girl panties, say NO, the let him pout it out!

You've shown him, for the last 15 years, that with enough persuasion you will do what he wants and I'm betting that a few times you've enjoyed it. I know I would at the right time. But in the morning...if there isn't a cup of coffee in your hand for me, you better shut up and get out of my way!


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

If he doesn't make you happy, doesn't help provide for the family, doesn't help with the kids in the morning, and makes you lick the shower, then why meet his needs?

I'd never suggest to any spouse to meet the needs of another spouse when their own needs aren't being met. 

But at least he is up at 7 a.m. showering, it could be worse.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

altaclara29 said:


> I have a husband who is completely uncommunicative. He'll talk about silly nonsense and irrelevant daily things, but will never engage in anything serious or important, like feelings. But he's very demanding when it comes to sex. If he takes a shower he constantly bugs me to do a striptease, even though it might be 7 AM and I just woke up and I have to get breakfast ready for kids and off to school. If I don't do what he asked then he gets very pissy; if I do what he asks then he's got to push the envelope for more and more (put your finger in your ...., lick The shower like you're giving me a blow-job etc.) Nothing is quick. It's the same with regular sex. Now he's telling me unless I start performing sexually the way he wants then our relationship is over, but he still will not contribute in the communication department. Also, whenever he hugs me it's not just a hug it's always a grope. Groping my breasts, my butt, my genitals. When I ask him not to grope me he gets very upset and says I'm always picking on him. I know I chose him as a husband but he seemed a lot different then. His behavior really turns me off but if I tell him then he gets mad at me and says I'm always picking on him. How far do I have to go to maintain a normal marriage? He has said that if I don't fulfill his sexual fantasies then he's moving into another room in the house. His behavior has made me feel completely over sex. We live in a small town and he won't do any marriage counseling because he thinks he's just fine. We've been together 15 years. Oh, and by the way he works at home, has no hobbies, doesn't exercise, takes anti-depressants, and rely solely on me and our children for entertainment.


Where did all these guys come from, and where the HE!! were they raised????


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

I agree with most reaponses here

I'd tell him that you not going to be his puppet, if he feels he need to more to another room let him do that. My guess is that he will not. 

This deffinately sounds porn induced. Normal people don't come up with this crap on their own. And most people that work from home have time on their hands to kill. 

Set boundaries now. As you give into his antics it will only get worse. Especially if he is getting these ideas from porn.
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