# HD women married 20+ years



## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

So, my wife and I have always enjoyed a “very good” sex life. She and I are both HD and that’s great. However, I’m having some anxiety lately as to how I’m going to keep up as we get older. Admittedly, it’s not a bad problem to have, but it bothers me sometimes and thought I’d get some feedback from the FO. 
We have been exclusive since childhood and I’m usually tasked with keeping things interesting and she’s a willing participant, no problem there. Thing is, I feel like we may have gotten to this place that’s unsustainable. And now more often than I would like, I’m feeling less like The Man and more like an old man. 
Of course, this is the abbreviated version but I’m wondering particularly what some of the HD women would have to say.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Givernor said:


> ... Thing is, I feel like we may have gotten to this place that’s unsustainable. And now more often than I would like, I’m feeling less like The Man and more like an old man. ...


How's your overall health? Do you keep fit, or are you willing to put in the effort to get fit to keep your sex life flourishing? How's your blood pressure, etc.?

Perhaps you need to consider supplemental testosterone and/or ED medications to keep things going. Eventually, nothing may maintain a high level of performance, but many men even in their 70's and 80's can enjoy a good sex life.


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## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

We're both in fair shape (not pro athletes by any stretch), and it's not an ED issue as everything works fine. It's more about attitude. For instance, I used to consume porn pretty regularly and thought of it as a sort of Marital Aid. Of course some of it was for selfish reasons but it gave me ideas to try and I believe rocketed our sex life to a new level. She preferred to not really acknowledge where the ideas came from and just reaped the benefits. At some point I began to feel as though it was not something that a guy my age should do. After all these girls are often very young and exploited. And I don't want to be THAT guy. So, thinking it may actually make me desire my SO more it actually had a bit of the reverse effect and I believe I've lost a bit of the edge I used to have...This is one example.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If everything is working fine and you're both enjoying it frequently, perhaps this is a non-issue and you're just over-thinking it?


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## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

You're probably right, I'm over thinking it. But the enemy of Great is Good.

It's clear that I will need to "do the work" to find out what the next adventure will hold. Whatever the direction it will have to be nothing short of mind blowing. 

This will prove difficult because right now my head isn't in the game.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

How old are the two of you?


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## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

We are both just shy of 40.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Maybe instead of porn, turn to stories to get the juices / imagination rolling. Sites such as Literotica dot com have tons of reading material on just about any topic you could imagine. It keeps you thinking about fresh ideas without the ickiness of the porn side.


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## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

badsanta said:


> If you want to get your own spark back, you could play around with erotic sexual denial. This is where you actually have sex, but challenge yourself to see how long you can go without an orgasm, but in the meantime she can enjoy your torment and have as many orgasms as she wants. When you enjoy failing at the challenge that the two of you set, that in itself becomes the ultimate fun of this game.
> 
> An example might be limiting yourself to one orgasm a week, but still giving her all the sex she wants in the meantime.
> 
> As for me, my record at playing this game was to only last about an hour. I set out to challenge myself, then my wife cranks up the heat, then I start wanting what I told myself that I can not have, then.... my wife just looks at me and shakes her head, cause she is awesome at making me loose this challenge.


That sounds fun. I do a bit of "edging" sometimes. She doesn't quite get why I would do that. But if it were turned into a game that she could play who knows.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

Givernor said:


> We are both just shy of 40.


You're young yet but I get what you mean. Especially, about being "That" guy and porn...

What about a little public action? Nothing crazy, but a quiet corner in a restaurant with a little...ahem...foreplay. Or, in the car on a low traffic road, a park, etc.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

My husband and I are 36 & 37. We'll be celebrating 19 years this summer: ) 

I think I pretty much love sex & will take it pretty often. 
However, if it slows down, I consider that part of the variety. 
It gets me hornier when it's been a few days..
My husband has slowed down at times & I get it. I have slowed down before too, we're human!
Stress and other things have hindered us on occasion-no biggie. We just pick up where we left off.
What exactly are you interested in knowing, from a woman's perspective? 

In my experience, each time doesn't need to blow the last time out of the water.
It's an ebb & flow. Some good experiences, some great, some weird, some ehh, etc..
Are you thinking she'll be disappointed if it doesn't keep getting 'better?' Or is it that you will feel disappointed if it's not more incredible than before?

You mentioned porn. 
Was it the porn that was inspiring you and getting you aroused? Are you having trouble being aroused from your wife alone now? Just trying to understand: )


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Givernor said:


> So, my wife and I have always enjoyed a “very good” sex life. She and I are both HD and that’s great. However, I’m having some anxiety lately as to how I’m going to keep up as we get older.


What specifically is your concern? Keeping the spark alive? Finding your wife attractive even as she ages? Achieving/maintaining an erection? Variety even when your joints are aging? 

After years and years and years of almost nothing, my wife's sex drive went through the roof for a few years.

It was very tough to get back in the saddle and restructure my mind, so I can empathize and maybe give some helpful advice. 

First thing out of the gate that I would say is give up porn....


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

What's bothering you? Is it running out of ideas or is it fear of maintaining frequency? If you're uncomfortable about porn use, then try erotic massage books, karma sutra or other books related to great sex and eroticism. Maybe vacations to visit locations focused on romance and eroticism. Do you like erotic art?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Maybe she won't stay HD as she gets older. I wouldn't worry about it, if you have to slow down I'm sure she will be fine with that. I know I would be.


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## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

Thanks for the replies. the issue is tough to nail down but this is what I know for sure.
She has been my only sex partner since age sixteen. I would like to keep it that way. But further, I would like to get to where I don't look at other women. In my mind, that should be easier now than when we were younger...It's not.

There is more of a divide between "how I'm supposed to act" as a father, provider and care taker and the hyper sexual guy I've always been. As her desire often now seems to be off the charts insatiable. So yeah, a little performance anxiety when thinking ahead. There is probably a bit of projecting here on my part taking into account that me being a good father, etc is a sexual stimulant for her.



I've joked before that if women can block out the dramatics of child birth, they can easily block out how good or bad you were in bed if it suites them.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

Givernor. Have you ever thought about just satisfying her needs if she ends up wanting it more than you in a week? Perform oral sex on her until she is satisfied and use toys on her?


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

"I would like to get to where I don't look at other women."
This will happen when you are dead. Look, and then focus that desire on your wife. Do not try to suppress it unless you are leering with mouth agape.

"how I'm supposed to act" as a father, provider and care taker"
Where did you get the idea that you are supposed to act like a monk in order to be a good father? A good father loves his wife completely and so creates a strong, divorce-proof marriage, the very best thing that you can give your children.

You are over-thinking this. Enjoy your wife. Enjoy the challenge of continuing to please each other. Tell each other your fantasies. Try different positions and places. Create a jar of desires where you write on slips of paper what you would like to do to each other.

As long as you both have a good emotional connection, you will not disappoint your wife. We have been married for 37 years, and I have yet to tire of our lovemaking.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

The best advice in this situation is DO NOT KEEP YOUR FEELINGS A SECRET.

Unequal sex drives can make both of you feel insecure and it might make her feeling ugly and unloved so why not just be upfront and open about it. Make it clear it is simply a matter of your insecurity and not her attractiveness. Depending on each of your likes and dislikes, I can see various ways to working with it but it sounds like both of you should have responsibility for "keeping things interesting". 

When sex began to die in our marriage, it would have made all the difference in the world if my wife was the one to bring it up and we could talk about it openly and calmly before it becomes "an issue" that requires "a talk"


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## Givernor (Oct 3, 2014)

intheory said:


> Givernor,
> 
> 
> [*]You say you can't stop looking at other women,
> ...


 I’m not suffering from ED,but it will happen someday. The mature approach I guess is to just realize that nothing is permanent. Enjoy what you have.

I'm not sure it's an issue or not that we're doing things that I saw in prn. I've told her that her enjoyment is more important than any one act or the other. Nope, she's all good. 

And I know I send mixed messages.
I love what we’ve discovered physically, but I can start to give it too much power in the relationship.

It’s amazing that we are still finding out new exciting things to do after all these years, but am going to be with her even if something happened tomorrow to cut our sex life in half....or god forbid even more.

I know she would say the same.


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

What makes you think you will most definitely have ED permenantly someday, not all men do, in fact I don't even think most men do. 

Any problems we have we work thru together, give her that chance. As mentioned above her not knowing will likely lead her to think it is her.

Does your wife have a problem that you notice other women exist or is your own guilt making you think she would freak out. My husband says seeing feminine curves always reminds him of me, yes he may study them but he is thankful for what he has at home, I can totally live with that.

Also if the libido starts going down there are natural ways to bring it back up, they do work, very well I might add


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