# Wife Gets Mad when I go Out



## CurrentswillShift (Jun 15, 2013)

Hello Everyone,

I'm new to this forum but will probably be posting quite a bit as it feels like our marriage is going through some problems.

I'll try not to make this too long, but I'll start with a little back story. My wife and I have been married for 5 years and we have a 3 year old son. She has been in a grueling school program for the majority of the time we have been married. She is also in a weekend program, which hasn't always allowed us to spend as much time together as I would like. Although we do lots of small things when we can even if it's just going out for ice cream, driving around, taking 30 minutes to go for a walk together, etc. As a result of my wife's schedule, I am always the one taking our son places, trying to find new activities for him, joining playgroups, and generally playing with him from the time I get home through bed time. Since she is typically in school during the weekend I also spend all weekend with him. I love being a father and have a great time bonding with my son, even though I do wish my wife could do more activities with us I understand she's busy (she does come with us sometimes but usually is reading her notes so it feels like she isn't really "there" if that makes sense).

I feel like I do a lot for the family and really spend a lot of time at home, not only supporting my wife with her studies, but spending time with and taking care of our son. Well, maybe once a month or once every other month (it just depends, there is no set schedule) I'll get together with a group of friends to listen to music and drink. Sometimes I don't even leave until I give my son a bath and make sure he is ready for bed, although my mother in law moved in with us 2 months ago so she'll usually put him in bed now. Because my friend lives 35 minutes away and I don't want to drive while drinking I sometimes tell her I'll just spend the night there so I won't drive impaired. Another married buddy of mine that goes also stays there because he lives even further away. I don't always spend the night, I probably have only 4 times..just depends how I feel and I always tell her. Every once in a while she gets really angry that I am spending time with friends and that I need to be home. I do understand her point about spending the night somewhere, but if I were home I would just be watching TV or sleeping while she would be studying so it's not like I'm cutting down on a lot of family time. I also don't feel like I go very often I also don't drink at home. There are also times where I try to spend time or talk to her and she says she's busy..which I understand. 

I also like going to concerts so might go to one once a month or sometimes once every few months (just depends on what bands are coming through). I would love for my wife to come with me, but she just doesn't enjoy it and isn't interested. I'm usually home by 11 pm on those nights and don't drink. 

Well, every so often she gets really mad about me going to do these things and says it's like I'm more excited about concerts/friends than the family. I just don't understand her point when, other than the exceptions above, I am always spending time with the family, but just take a few days here and there for myself. I sometimes even feel like I am raising our son by myself. Of course I love spending time with my family, but why is it also bad to enjoy doing other things? Am I being unreasonable or selfish? I have encouraged my wife to go out with friends for "girls night" or something but she doesn't want to. She has a few friends that have invited her, but she never goes. I would love to hear other people's thoughts.

Thanks!


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

It sounds like your wife is stressed with the work load she is carrying, feeling guilty about missing out on family time and a little jealous that you get to go out while she still has studdying to do. I think she knows she is being unreasonable but the guilt she feels from missing out on her sons most presious years is getting to her and she is subconsiously taking it out on you.

How much longer until she is done with her school? Things will probably get better once this happens.

BTW, kudos to you for being such a good family man.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Without thinking about who does what, who deserves what, etc., try arranging a date night with your wife to do something she really likes. Tell her it is to be an evening just for the two of you. No schoolwork, cell phones, or any other distractions. It may be very helpful.


Crazy as it might sound, some mothers actually get jealous of their own children when the dad spends so much time being a great father. In her mind, it might just be that the child has taken her place in your life a she is now second banana. Couple this with a natural guilt over not spending as much time with her child as you do and she can start to feel like less of a wife and mother than she really is. Don't bother trying to reason it out. Just look for the signs. A little more attention from you could make all the difference. Or not. Only one way to find out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Does she do anything to contribute to the family financially and emotionally? Is she ever there? Does she ever do housework? Are you saying that her full time job is going to school and studying practically every waking hour of the day? What in the world is she studying to become that she can't look up from her notes when you're out for some time with your son? So she doesn't give you and your son the time of day, but when you want some "off" time to have a relationship with people who don't have their nose in a book and look you in the eye, she's angry? this is not right and if you let her get away with her anger making you feel like you're the bad guy, she'll keep at it. Although, I would not be thrilled with the sleeping over part, if you want to see a concert with friends or hang out once every month or two, that is healthy. And 35 minutes isn't so far away that you can't get home that night.

She needs to lighten up and let you enjoy life while she's in her self imposed prison of studying. I never heard of anyone studying so much that they are sacrificying relationships. I bet if you were dating, she'd find more time for you.


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## Jack99 (Nov 21, 2010)

Why is your wife taking the grueling school program plus the weekend program? It sounds like she's really ambitious, but maybe if she dropped the weekend program, the stress would lighten up. Nothing is more important the family, not even the money. I don't begrudge her the time spent to improve herself (I went through a similar program), but it's stressing her out and stressing the marriage as well. She's made the choice to go all-out for career, not you.

You have a right to have fun, you're not a hermit. It's her choice not to hang with you. Next time she yells at you or gives you a hard time, just go blank and leave the room.


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