# The "love of money" in a marriage.



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

So there are many many couples out there who's marriages are in trouble for financial reasons and the lack of funds, but _having_ money and wanting MORE & MORE of it can be a problem too.

Because my wife and I are doing quite well financially and are very comfortable with no worries about our bills right now, and we both make a nice salary but because of her degree she makes about $20,000 more a year than I do. She has set verrrrry high career goals for herself whereas I am just wanting to be comfortable and be able to relax and enjoy life, and that has become a problem in her eyes and she keeps wanting more and more and wants bigger and better things in life. Now there's nothing wrong with having such high goals and standards as long as it's not replacing other important things in your life, such as spending more time with your spouse where you're not all stressed out about maintaining a certain lifestyle, to the point your quiet intimate moments and sex life begins to suffer badly. This is what we're going through in our marriage right now, and her love for money is ruining anything nice or special we had in our marriage the first few years.


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

P.S. not trying to brag at all so please don't take this that way; but we currently live in a 4 bed/2 bath $300,000 house with a nice lake view, she drives a fully loaded 2010 Nissan Altima she bought new, and I just bought a new fully loaded 2012 Toyota Tacoma truck, and we have all the clothes and all the furnishings that we need, and we are able to take a nice vacation somewhere at least once a year - every year.

Now I said all of that to say this...........am I crazy or lazy for not really wanting or needing more than all that??


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would talk to her about how you feel. Ambition is a great thing but it can also be bad when it's all someone thinks about.

My exH is like your wife. He always wanted more more more and that's fine and everything but when it becomes the only thing someone thinks about, it's very sad. He loved his "things" more than anything else.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hubs and I refuse to fight about money. We have what we have and we know it can be lost or gained. Never an issue...

Right now we're in some shet  But...we're still having kickass sex and hangin out together and laughing. If you can do that, while going through some horrible financial stuff, that's worth more than anything in the world, imo.

Things are just things. I've seen people lose it ALL in one day and end up divorcing. Screw that.

If you're always wanting bigger and better, your focus and priorities are out of whack. You probably work longer, and harder, taking time from each other just for money...for things. 
I'd like to get rid of more things. Live a simple life. Less bills, less stress.


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I would talk to her about how you feel. Ambition is a great thing but it can also be bad when it's all someone thinks about.
> 
> My exH is like your wife. He always wanted more more more and that's fine and everything but when it becomes the only thing someone thinks about, it's very sad. He loved his "things" more than anything else.


She knows all about my ambitions and goals which are to be simply - _comfortable and happy _, but she thinks that mine should be set a lot higher like hers are and that because they're not we are just not on the same page.


----------



## colotnk (Feb 3, 2012)

I think you are neither crazy or lazy. You just have a problem with not having the same goals as your spouse. When it's bad enough to affect your intimacy and sex life, I think you should attend marriage counseling to address the issue, the sooner the better.

Although money is both important to us, my husband is very ambitious and I'm more like you where i just want to be comfortable and have a work life balance. My husband works 10-14 hours days and also Sundays. His career is very important to him, not only because of the financial aspect (although it's the best measure stick). It's his identity. Having said that, family is even more important to him. If I have a problem with his work, he would not hesitate to leave his current VP position and find another job. He did it once when our children were just born and I needed him to not travel for work so much.

Because I know where his priorities are, I support his career fully. He's not a absent husband and father at all. Of course there are times that I wish he spends more time with the family, and I would request him to do so.

Marriage counseling has helped us with these issues in the past. Hopefully it will help you too. I also recommend the '5 languages of love' book. It sounds like you two just need to talk and work out the balance/compromise. Not to sound insensitive, but there are worse problems couples are facing out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## colotnk (Feb 3, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> She knows all about my ambitions and goals which are to be simply - _comfortable and happy _, but she thinks that mine should be set a lot higher like hers are and that because they're not we are just not on the same page.


It sounds like your wife has certain expectations that should be getting adjusted. Did she know this about you before you got married?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

colotnk said:


> It sounds like your wife has certain expectations that should be getting adjusted. Did she know this about you before you got married?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but since then almost 7 years ago her career has taken off two more big notches, whereas mine has gone up a little but was still a decent salary to begin with. And she is still mad that 3 years ago I turned down a management offer because of - a) I thought that it should have went to someone else there who is more deserving in my opinion, and b) I don't wanna be in management with this company and it's never been my goal.


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

We have talked about this issue and many many others until we're blue in the face but haven't reached any solutions, so I think it might be time that a counselor is brought in to kind of help us sort out this mess.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> she is still mad that 3 years ago I turned down a management offer


This is a huge problem. She expects you to be just like her and well you're not. Unless you're struggling financially you are free to do any job you darn well please and that includes turning down promotions you don't want.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> So there are many many couples out there who's marriages are in trouble for financial reasons and the lack of funds, but _having_ money and wanting MORE & MORE of it can be a problem too.
> 
> Because my wife and I are doing quite well financially and are very comfortable with no worries about our bills right now, and we both make a nice salary but because of her degree she makes about $20,000 more a year than I do. She has set verrrrry high career goals for herself whereas I am just wanting to be comfortable and be able to relax and enjoy life, and that has become a problem in her eyes and she keeps wanting more and more and wants bigger and better things in life. Now there's nothing wrong with having such high goals and standards as long as it's not replacing other important things in your life, such as spending more time with your spouse where you're not all stressed out about maintaining a certain lifestyle, to the point your quiet intimate moments and sex life begins to suffer badly. This is what we're going through in our marriage right now, and her love for money is ruining anything nice or special we had in our marriage the first few years.


CP: My situation, if you have taken the time to read about it, involves the wealth that my STBXW, had already acquired. And she has been richly making use of it to play games in people's lives; mine, my kids, her family and friends; her business associates, et. al. And now through her prenup, she not only wants a divorce from me, but unconscinably is trying to financially lay ruin to me at the same time as I'm now approaching 60, with not very much on the table in the way of financial resources. Subconsciously, I really can't help but feeling similar to the character Winthorpe(portrayed by Dan Aykroyd) in the movie, Trading Places.

Love should always be, or so I had thought, the primary guiding factor in any loving relationship. But with some folks, money truly is the root of all evil, and no matter what, suddenly arises from the depths of their emotional abyss as their primordial interest in life. To that end, I feel so very sad for people like her!

Not only does this mantra hold true for those who are actively earning huge financial dividends in life, but even more so for those who have already attained them!


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

If we ever do call it quits I am the type that I will just take what I came with basically and a few other smaller things as well(clothes, shoes, electronics, etc), and she can have the rest of the house and everything in it because I have successfully started over before and have no problems doing it again. We also do not have any kids and the pets belonged to her before we even met so we are good there as well.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> If we ever do call it quits I am the type that I will just take what I came with basically and a few other smaller things as well(clothes, shoes, electronics, etc), and she can have the rest of the house and everything in it because I have successfully started over before and have no problems doing it again. We also do not have any kids and the pets belonged to her before we even met so we are good there as well.



CP: You have basically the same philosophy on this matter that I do. I would be considered rather blessed just to get out with my personal belongings!

Just feel fortunate that you don't have kids to put through all of this mess!


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> Yes, but since then almost 7 years ago her career has taken off two more big notches, whereas mine has gone up a little but was still a decent salary to begin with. And she is still mad that 3 years ago I turned down a management offer because of - a) I thought that it should have went to someone else there who is more deserving in my opinion, and b) I don't wanna be in management with this company and it's never been my goal.


I feel so fortunate that this struggle for more and more hasn't been a problem in our marriage. We struggled financially for the years when our children were younger, but once she went back into part time work, and the careers began to mature, my wife's focus on the simple things in life became my own. I've never gone beyond about 18 months without a promotion, but I did recently step out of an executive career succession plan, because that's not my goal in life.

As I said, our lifestyle is pretty simplistic. We don't like a lot of "things" in our house and in our life. We enjoy vacations and things, but getting the car as a status symbol is not us. It is awkward sometimes, because my coworkers and even my direct reports tend to live in much nicer neighborhoods and own multiple vehicles, and some even own vacation homes. I couldn't stand living with debt long term. My wife just replaced the used car that she had driven for nearly nine years, and I pressured her for months to let me buy her one with advanced safety features, and with all the extras that she had dreamed of, but thought them to be too impractical. It still probably cost half of what all my coworkers typically drive, but we were able to get it and still direct leftover money from my bonus into our retirement plan.


----------



## colotnk (Feb 3, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> We have talked about this issue and many many others until we're blue in the face but haven't reached any solutions, so I think it might be time that a counselor is brought in to kind of help us sort out this mess.


I'm curious what your wife really wants. Is it for you to make more money so you two can have an even better lifestyle? Or is it to see you climbing the corporate ladder and be 'successful'? I put successful in quotes because we all have different definition for success. For me, it means being comfortable financially and having time and energy to pursue my hobbies. For my husband, it consists of having a high leverage job, among other things.

Does she look down on you for not being as 'successful' as her? Is it more materialistic things or a more 'successful' you that she wants? Have you ever discussed her true motive?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

colotnk said:


> I'm curious what your wife really wants. Is it for you to make more money so you two can have an even better lifestyle? Or is it to see you climbing the corporate ladder and be 'successful'? I put successful in quotes because we all have different definition for success. For me, it means being comfortable financially and having time and energy to pursue my hobbies. For my husband, it consists of having a high leverage job, among other things.
> 
> Does she look down on you for not being as 'successful' as her? Is it more materialistic things or a more 'successful' you that she wants? Have you ever discussed her true motive?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Again we have discussed..........EVERYTHING, but it hasn't really gotten us anywhere so far so this is why I think it's time to bring in a professional.


----------



## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I am a big believer that money is the root of all evils.

---

This is going to come across at terribly smug and self satisfied, but it isnt.

The thing is, money is necessary to a point, but once lifes necessaries are addressed - the accumulation of more requires an expenditure of life and it seems to me that more often than not, we overvalue money and undervalue life paid in getting it.

We have always done very well, but as I get older.. I realize the costs involved - and is is not so clear anymore.

People also need to be challenged and have purpose.. to stretch themselves to be better persons, better spouses, better friends, better parents, siblings, co-workers... and many find that, at least initially.. through work and carreer.

Its important to keep balance in your life. Far too often I see people looking up after burning 10 or 20 years of life and wondering if they have spent it wisely.

I think the fact that you are asking questions is good. Go ahead and tear up the career path for a while if it feels right. Sometimes, it is the right choice and you cant be afraid to work hard to succeeed. At the same time, remember that life is short and you only get 1 chance on this ride - so try not to undervalue the amount of life you spend running on the treadmill of achievement. 

Learn to recognize the real cost and benefit of where you choose to spend your time. Honest to god - happiness comes after you stop chasing after it and realize that the life you have is already pretty damn good if you are only willing to see it.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Cee Paul said:


> P.S. not trying to brag at all so please don't take this that way; but we currently live in a 4 bed/2 bath $300,000 house with a nice lake view, she drives a fully loaded 2010 Nissan Altima she bought new, and I just bought a new fully loaded 2012 Toyota Tacoma truck, and we have all the clothes and all the furnishings that we need, and we are able to take a nice vacation somewhere at least once a year - every year.
> 
> Now I said all of that to say this...........am I crazy or lazy for not really wanting or needing more than all that??


I so understand where you are coming from...I have always been thankful my husband was NOT a workaholic who needed to climb some ladder of success...for us.. all we cared about was living a simple old fashioned country life...about togetherness... family...making memories... and enjoyment........ I feel we LIVE what you might be envisioning...BUT.... we are considerably well below your income level... oh heavens! I'd say your lifestyle is swimming in enough... compare ours... most would likely not believe we could do all of this on what he makes.... 

We are a family of 8, my husband is a blue collar worker -sole breadwinner making just $50,000 a year, I have a few side jobs that are insignificant, just a few bucks for Groceries / gas ....one son in College...(he is very frugal with his money)..... We have been debt free for 7 yrs....we own acrage too. .. $$ saved for emergencies ...could buy a new car if we wanted, but we would never waste the $$....we have never lived paycheck to paycheck. 

Our Vehicles.. a 97 Suburban and 2 cars older than that. We took a vacation to Disney in Nov.... We never pay a dime in interest, only interest we have ever paid was on our house. 

I am totally fullfilled as a wife, our kids are happy, thriving. My husband has little desire to take overtime, he does on occasion -but not out of necessity. We value our time together way above getting newer cars, cell phone plans, or competing with others who make more. I think at the end of our lives... each will be remembering on what we did together, or what we missed while working day & night to acheive some vision in the sky. 

We have never faught over $$...just always been on the same page.... I have always been very frugal to keep all of this afloat -it helps he is too. I have never expected alot, just his love, keeping our country home, paying every bill, being able to vacation every year, even if just campgrounds, we are happy.... and not striving. 

We are very content....and considered low income....but we feel RICHLY blessed.


----------



## supermommy123 (Apr 5, 2012)

In everyone life money plays a vital role and at the emotional level money is not everything,It should be limited to your basic needs and your ambition and passion towards money should never hurt your relationships.


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Just feels like my wife is hell bent on furthering her career even if it means leaving me behind.


----------



## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

Did you consult your wife before you turned down the promotion?
Ultimately, it was your choice. I just know that I would not have been pleased if my husband didn't ask me what I thought of a promotion.

My husband and I are renting. We will never buy unless we leave this painfully expensive city. We have a new car, a nicely decorated apartment and we are able to sneak away for getaways at least twice a year. Some people where he is from look down on us for living in an apartment, but they have only lived in a very cheap rural area all their lives. They don't know what they are talking about. 

The two of us are very happy. I like the way my husband can come home at 7PM every day...I wouldn't change that for the world so that we could buy a home. We love living in the city and we hate the suburbs.

Since you already live a great life, there is no need for your wife to climb the ladder. That's just greedy IMO.


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> Just feels like my wife is hell bent on furthering her career even if it means leaving me behind.


This is just so sad. I think it is a similar situation, but my wife has always really stressed over the details of life, getting herself worked up about so many little things that she should've done better with the children (even though they are very good), or stressing about things that they didn't do, etc. This almost dominates her life at times. I've told her hundreds of times that she will wake up one day as an elderly woman, and ask herself why she never stopped to really enjoy what she had. It even applied to things that she wanted to be better in our relationship, even though she would assess the marriage and say that we were blessed. I suspect that your feeling is the same. Your wife is looking so hard at that next promotion, she isn't really aware of what she has. It is just very sad.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I don't think you're crazy at all. My divorce caused me to discover something about myself. When I was married, I had a nice house, two automobiles, etc. Now that I'm divorced, what I live is is nothing fancy; it's our old family farm house that hasn't been lived in for several years; some might even call it a dump. But I've discovered that I don't really miss the material things. 

During my sadness at the beginning of our divorce, I found that I never once lamented over loss of stuff. I still have a roof over my head, running water, electricity, heat & air, a tv, a bed, etc. I have all I need. To be satisfied with what you have, Cee Paul, doesn't sound crazy at all to me.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Just feels like my wife is hell bent on furthering her career even if it means leaving me behind.


With the presence of kids, there's usually a "family type" of priority present, where "family" comes first. Obviously, that doesn't apply to you as she seems to be exercising her "business priority" of making all that she can of herself(and quite possibly you as her husband) before you should ever come to lose that "rich" capability.

But I was wondering about your religious/spiritual influence in life. It does not preclude one from earning vast amounts of money but rather seems to give introspection on how to use that wealth to further yourself, your family, the local and the religious community. I could be wrong, but I don't really sense that going on here. 

I feel just as you do CP. My STBXW is greatly of the same ilk, although she already seems to have her "monetary resources" in place, and to further her stature, I'm apparently the one that is being left by the side of the road in order to further her own personal monetary and business gains. While she would certainly profess to be a Christian, if you were to closely examine the phrase of "actions speaking louder than words," then there seems to be a notable absence of Christian servitude on her part. Years back, she even used to tithe to the church; but as I heard in one sermon about Christian stewardship, "if you're putting something into the church offering plate just to keep up with the other congregants and your heart is not truly behind it, then you should not be putting it in there." Christian stewardship is not about the amount of money given, but rather how it is freely given from the heart.

In the absence of an extended family, a church or religious community, or even a charitable cause, it seems that your wife is truly living for only the "revenue/business" portion of life, and at the same time, is fastly expecting you to join her in doing the same!

I truly feel sorry for her. Wishing God's blessings on you during this most difficult time in your life!


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> With the presence of kids, there's usually a "family type" of priority present, where "family" comes first. Obviously, that doesn't apply to you as she seems to be exercising her "business priority" of making all that she can of herself(and quite possibly you as her husband) before you should ever come to lose that "rich" capability.
> 
> But I was wondering about your religious/spiritual influence in life. It does not preclude one from earning vast amounts of money but rather seems to give introspection on how to use that wealth to further yourself, your family, the local and the religious community. I could be wrong, but I don't really sense that going on here.
> 
> ...


We do give A LOT to charity in the way of clothes, food, and money and always have; and to me that is the same thing as tithing to the church and instead of it buying the pastor a new pair of $200 dress shoes or another $800 suit - it all goes to much better use.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> We do give A LOT to charity in the way of clothes, food, and money and always have; and to me that is the same thing as tithing to the church and instead of it buying the pastor a new pair of $200 dress shoes or another $800 suit - it all goes to much better use.



And I correctly assumed that something of that nature was prevalent in your life.

A pastor's salary is either governed by the church itself or by the state or national governing organization. If they were to invest in $800 suits or $200 shoes, there's enough checks and balances in the system(well, at least ours) that if he did buy them and choose to wear them to service, then the "chickens would come quickly home to roost." But I am well aware of some churches that adhere to the practices that you so aptly described.

My particular church is involved in all manners of aid, from assisting the needy and the homeless, to building church missions both in the community and overseas. So at least in my church, the funds are governed and distributed accordingly. A lot of our more affluent parishoners do tithe, just as do some of ours who earn less than even 10K a year. My whole point was "giving from the heart."

I was only acutely curious if either you or your wife was religious in any way and, if so, how your faith actually translated into your daily life, both personal and vocational.


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> And I correctly assumed that something of that nature was prevalent in your life.
> 
> A pastor's salary is either governed by the church itself or by the state or national governing organization. If they were to invest in $800 suits or $200 shoes, there's enough checks and balances in the system(well, at least ours) that if he did buy them and choose to wear them to service, then the "chickens would come quickly home to roost." But I am well aware of some churches that adhere to the practices that you so aptly described.
> 
> ...


Both believers in God, both say our prayers and pray for people, but neither one of us are church goers(I haven't been in about 10 years and her about ummmmm 25 years or more maybe).


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Both believers in God, both say our prayers and pray for people, but neither one of us are church goers(I haven't been in about 10 years and her about ummmmm 25 years or more maybe).


Was only wondering and was not in any way attempting to be judgmental. Just feel sorry for you and your dilemma and wish nothing but the best for you. Prayers coming your way from Texas!


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> Was only wondering and was not in any way attempting to be judgmental. Just feel sorry for you and your dilemma and wish nothing but the best for you. Prayers coming your way from Texas!


It's all good arbitrator, and I am neither offended or mad by anything you have said so far.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Well I can outright say... the only reason I would EVER want more and more... would be to secure a future for my children so they will never have to struggle like I did. But... it could be... your wife feels like for once she can actually afford to spoil herself on the things she never got to do when she couldn't afford it... so maybe she is trying to make up for that? That or she's power hungry? (I really don't think she would be power hungry... from your posts it just sounds like she's feeling the need to spoil herself.)


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Well I can outright say... the only reason I would EVER want more and more... would be to secure a future for my children so they will never have to struggle like I did. But... it could be... your wife feels like for once she can actually afford to spoil herself on the things she never got to do when she couldn't afford it... so maybe she is trying to make up for that? That or she's power hungry? (I really don't think she would be power hungry... from your posts it just sounds like she's feeling the need to spoil herself.)


Well she grew up middle class in a pretty nice neighborhood and was always given what she needed, but me on the other hand I grew up with a blue collar dad on a very very limited budget so I always appreciate everything I have and have achieved so far.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Well.... no idea what she's thinking but ... is there someone you or her or both of you know they she may be trying to compete with?


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I can relate 100% to your WIFE 

It just so happens the things I like cost money........it has nothing to do with the Jones's or peers etc. I like sports cars ALOT I want 10.....lol. I like speed boats!! I like 4 star hotels and extravegant trips.....

It's just the way it is........hope you guys work it out. As far as money can't buy happiness I agree, but if you are already happy more money makes you happier or at leat me happier! Wish it wasn't that way, but it is so I'm not going to fight it.

I've been on both sides of the tracks I enjoy the $$$ side a whole lot more.

My next car will be a Gallardo!!


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Well.... no idea what she's thinking but ... is there someone you or her or both of you know they she may be trying to compete with?


She just keeps saying that she worked soooooo very hard to get her fancy degree that she wants to keep putting it to good use, and that she has big plans for her career - with or without me. I can understand all of that but like I mentioned at the top I feel we are doing quite well even if she doesn't, and we both work very hard for what we have already so I'm not so sure wanting more & more & more is gonna be a good thing in the long run.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

It sounds like drifting apart because your goals are going into opposite directions. 
Not having the same goals for some could be a deal breaker.
For me it is. 
I once dated a guy who was jobless, had graduated from school and didn't seem to bother about the fact that he wasn't working and that he didn't want to have further graduations/specializations. His day was all about going out with friends, staying home and going to the gym. He had no motivation.
For me this was a turn off. I on the other hand, finished school, while now taking a masters degree, still working and having a job and have set some other standards for my life [although I don't know how things might turn out to be].

So when people don't look in the same directions hardly will they get along and put up with each other's ideas for a future life together.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

But I have to add that your situation is different. You are married to her and are still on time to fix things.


----------



## psychologistgurgaon (May 9, 2012)

So, what do you think? Is the role of money in a relationship very important, moderately important, slightly important or not important to the success or failure of a relationship? 

But, personally, l strongly believe that money is not important in a relationship but it is necessary. And why is that? The simple reason is that if money was very important in a relationship, the richest people would be the happiest people on earth.But, is that the case? Of course not! Too much money does not automatically make you happy. And that is because happiness is a state of the mind and the heart - regardless of the status of your bank account. 

Psychologist in Gurgaon | Marriage Counsellor in Gurgaon | Cognitive Behaviour Therapy


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

lovelygirl said:


> It sounds like drifting apart because your goals are going into opposite directions.
> Not having the same goals for some could be a deal breaker.
> For me it is.
> I once dated a guy who was jobless, had graduated from school and didn't seem to bother about the fact that he wasn't working and that he didn't want to have further graduations/specializations. His day was all about going out with friends, staying home and going to the gym. He had no motivation.
> ...


What gets me is that I am a hard worker who has always earned a decent living, and I feel if that is not being appreciated by her then there's probably lots of women out there who would be happy with that type of a man(and I have told her that during some of our arguements).


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

oh okay then. If you're a hard working guy then that's what matters! 
She should appreciate it!


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> I have seen this before.
> 
> Some women, when they earn more than their husbands, they just can't get over it.


although some men, when their wives earn more than them, can't get over it either

my H couldn't - I didn't give a toss that he earned less than me, he was always in work and that's all that mattered to me

but it bothered him a great deal - he admitted it when he left


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

And for the record it doesn't bother me one bit that she makes $20,000 more annually than I do, and I'm just blessed that we are BOTH able to provide a good life for each other and have nice things and visit nice places.


----------



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> and what does that have to do with this thread?
> 
> I'm really curious why you feel the need to clarify that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No offense UnHappy but isn't this thread I created about _money problems_ in a marriage, wether it's not having enough or being too greedy and wanting too much?


----------



## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

just providing a balance - you pointed out that some women don't like it when they earn more than their H, I was pointing out that some women don't care...


----------



## The Lurker (May 11, 2012)

3leafclover said:


> I like money for the freedom it gives, but I don't love it. As soon as you love it, it and the neverending quest for more of it ties you down rather than frees you.


Excellent quote, that pretty much describes where I was once.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Hubs and I refuse to fight about money. We have what we have and we know it can be lost or gained. Never an issue...
> 
> Right now we're in some shet  But...we're still having kickass sex and hangin out together and laughing. If you can do that, while going through some horrible financial stuff, that's worth more than anything in the world, imo.
> 
> ...


That's exactly how we conduct or marriage (and conducted our relationship before that). Money has never been a major issue for us, whether we had it or not. There have been periods when she had more, periods where I had more, and it all works out.

Money just isn't worth letting get in the way of you and your soulmate's relationship. Sadly, a lot of people let their marriages fall prey to financial woes.


----------

