# coping



## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

Yesterday we had our session with the counselor. It was a tough session on the two of us. After we talked some more and she was still confused about what she wanted to do as far as the marriage. She said she was still willing to keep trying, but she could not promise anything. She went to work and we exchanged as few friendly emails and then it was time for me to try and get some sleep. I could not sleep because I was feeling like the situation was hopeless. I was in the middle of seriously considering giving up on us when I received a text from her that read "I am going to really try to make this work. I'm going to start to go to counseling for myself also. I'm going to work on putting it/him out of my mind and moving forward". That message came in the nick of time because I was on the verge of quitting. She may have saved our marriage with that text.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

tkdan said:


> Yesterday we had our session with the counselor. It was a tough session on the two of us. After we talked some more and she was still confused about what she wanted to do as far as the marriage. She said she was still willing to keep trying, but she could not promise anything. She went to work and we exchanged as few friendly emails and then it was time for me to try and get some sleep. I could not sleep because I was feeling like the situation was hopeless. I was in the middle of seriously considering giving up on us when I received a text from her that read "I am going to really try to make this work. I'm going to start to go to counseling for myself also. I'm going to work on putting it/him out of my mind and moving forward". That message came in the nick of time because I was on the verge of quitting. She may have saved our marriage with that text.


Good to hear! Now the hard work starts. Keep going to counseling. Make the changes and make them permanent. Keep us updated.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

tkdan said:


> I was in the middle of seriously considering giving up on us when I received a text from her that read "I am going to really try to make this work. I'm going to start to go to counseling for myself also. I'm going to work on putting it/him out of my mind and moving forward".


Awesome. She wants to move forward and is being totally honest with you that she recognizes her struggles and is willing to do what it takes to rebuild your marriage.

I know that the news of the EA hit you hard and you will probably have good days and bad days. She will also have good days and bad days. Just be aware of this and don't let 1 bad day for either of you dictate where your marriage is at...it will take a lot of time and patience from both of you to really get there, but you are both doing the right things...you may very well be headed to a stronger marriage than you've ever had before....that's what happened for my husband and I and it is worth all of the pain you are going through now...just trust me on that one


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

> ...it will take a lot of time and patience from both of you to really get there,


I realize that there are many issues to be worked on. Much of them are my doing, that she will need to heal from her resentments. I'm in it for the long haul. All this does is encourage me to work even harder at meeting her needs big and small. She is a very special woman.


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## HisSummerRose (Dec 10, 2008)

tkdan ... take tiny baby steps to keep things alive with your marriage and also with your wife ... surprize her with a special nite out on the town ... dinner, movie or just rent a movie and lock the bedroom door and have some popcorn ... you take it 1 day a time ... 

will be praying for you !!!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

StrongEnough said:


> Good to hear! Now the hard work starts. Keep going to counseling. Make the changes and make them permanent. Keep us updated.



:iagree:

draconis


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

Last night went good. She seems to be warming up to me more. Some hugs and kisses now as before hugs were very few and no kisses. She is still sleeping in another room but at least she is home and trying.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

While you move through this keep your focus on the marriage. She needs to see you as unwavering in your commitment to save it. You will have your good days and bad days, just as I do but for her you need to be strong and confident. When marriages get into this kind of condition quick fixes don’t work. You must work on the foundation. What I am hearing from you is very encouraging. That she is willing to try and recover the marriage is half the battle. Keep moving forward.


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

Thanks for the advise. One positive thing is that we are able to resolve things that come up by communicationg about it and getting it out on the table. This is making a world of difference in our relationship. This is something I was never willing to do in the past which is why we got to the place we did. I like the new me. Even though I still need tons of work I like and my wife likes the changes I've made so far. This alone gives me the desire to work harder and harder at becoming the man I should be.


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

*update*



> You will have your good days and bad days


You are right about that it can be a roller coaster ride at times. Things have improved quite a bit lately. Two nights ago she moved back into our bedroom. This was a hugh step for her. I can not tell you guys how much I longed to once again lay beside her and just hold her close. We still have a ton of issues to deal with but we are taking them on one at a time and moving forward.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Great to hear TK. Keep moving forward and working on your commitments. It will still take time but this is a great step. Congrats.


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## tkdan (Dec 2, 2008)

Ups and downs still happen, but we have many more ups than downs so we are moving forward. When I sit back and think about where we were at four weeks ago compared to today it is amazing the progress we have made.

Our time together now is so different. It is hard to describe we are enjoying each others company more than we ever have. This has been one of the hardest and at the same time one of the best things to happen to us.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

tkdan said:


> This has been one of the hardest and at the same time one of the best things to happen to us.


Boy, can I relate to that!


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