# Why do guys cheat?



## sandyrose (Feb 9, 2010)

Why did my boyfriend cheat? Can a cheater really love you? He says he loves me. ..What is the point of being with that person if you are cheating on them?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Some PEOPLE cheat, not just guys. Please don't paint all of one sex with the same brush; it's just wrong.


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## bbelmont (Feb 8, 2010)

Sometimes guys are pushed to cheat by accusatory partners. If you keep accusing a man of cheating all your doing is pushing him to do it. If you going to be constantly accused of doing something you may as well be doing it because the accusations are never going to stop.


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## sandyrose (Feb 9, 2010)

sisters359 said:


> Some PEOPLE cheat, not just guys. Please don't paint all of one sex with the same brush; it's just wrong.


I'm talking about my exboyfriend... duh I know both sexes cheat.. Thanks for the sex 101 talk


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## sandyrose (Feb 9, 2010)

bbelmont said:


> Sometimes guys are pushed to cheat by accusatory partners. If you keep accusing a man of cheating all your doing is pushing him to do it. If you going to be constantly accused of doing something you may as well be doing it because the accusations are never going to stop.


Lol… so you’re saying its ok for a partner to cheat because they are accusing them? It will drive them to cheat? That sounds like an excuse to cheat to me.... I never accused him once of cheating.This whole time he was cheating on me…


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I think the lines of comittment is different for everyone, the expectation we have of our partners to think the same way as us even though they don't is something we needed to figure out before we married them......some people have a very strong feeling of this being totally wrong and some people understand that some times circumstances and the way the relationship was has led to finding comfort somewhere else.
I couldn't do it myself, my moral upbringing would just be setting off and alarm off in my head, I was taught that you don't hurt someone you love needlessly and that is what affairs are. You end something before you start something new.....
Not everyone feels this way, one night stands without a relationship is different and easier to get over and just shows a lack of strength when it comes to understanding commitment.
let go of the fact that how could he and look at what was wrong in the relationship and decide if you can work on that and make your relationship the best it can be.... Relationships take a lot of work, every day and it's on going.....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

IMO, there are two kinds of cheating guys. One is someone looking for emotional connection from a woman because he doesn't get along with his wife any more. The other is the guy who lets his sex drive rule his belief system: you gotta do it, so if wife doesn't give you enough (and for most guys, that's pretty much every day), you DESERVE to go look for more.

Well, then there's the guy who grew up looking to score as many girls as possible, a game to feed his ego, and never grew up.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I think it changes with age. Before my wife and I were married we both cheated, but hers was more like retaliation.

At that time in my life it was more like a addiction. Different hair, different body, wanting to see how someone was in bed, how they moved, how they did things, how they did everything, etc it was "a act" it was "for fun" with little emotional connection at all......besides what it took to get there. 

I'm sure for some guys it's ego, I'm sure for some it's emotional connection, for I joke not I would plan my whole day on how to get that end result my wife always jokes "you're just a freak" probably true.


That was younger days.......for me to cheat now....I seriously doubt it would happen. My wife and I are so well sorted, have communicated so much about our physical wants and needs and keep it fresh......our sex life now is better than ever 10yrs+.

I will say it would have to be with someone I had a history with and probably only 1 girl that could get me to stray..........and that's a very big could with the whole universe falling into unison for it to happen.

I don't know how old you are he may just be doing the "young guy thing" good luck.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Turnera, many guys especially younger guys, really can turn off the emotions. We've all read the books "Men are intimate to feel close" "Woman need to feel close to be intimate" etc.

For many guys it is just a physical act when they cheat. Like renting a car, a new gun, boat, etc. I know that's crazy to think about I stress to you it's true. Just as they have no intention of buying that car or boat they have no intention of staying with the one stand either.

Why do so many guys go running back to their wives after they get caught? They love their wife that's why!! The other girls it's just physical a piece of tail, something new, and means nothing...for some not all.

Very few woman cheat for physical attention only!! We are wired differently for a reason.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

People who cheat do so to get something they aren't getting from their relationship. Sometimes it's that they're thinking about sex right now, and they aren't having sex.

Sometimes it's a longer-term problem, but they're too lazy to work on the relationship. Other times it's because they believe the relationship will never provide what they want. Or maybe they did work on the relationship, but finally gave up trying.


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## MrP.Bodybig (Jul 21, 2009)

It's human nature to want to spread your "seed" but some men are above nature.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SandyRose,
I have a different take on this than what (some) of the other posters wrote. The analogy from Oh Gheesh of "renting a car/gun/boat" is laughable to me. So what, are you renting a hole? The fact that he says it means nothing at all makes me want to vomit. To you, who has been betrayed, hearing that must be like a knife in the heart, I imagine. So Oh Gheesh, you are so willing to "rent a space" and it means nothing to you. Trust me when I say it means ALOT to the woman who is betrayed. ALOT. But yet you love your wife. Um, okay. Wow. I have seen my best friend throwing up for 14 days straight(and hospitalized because of it for 3 days) after she found out that her husband ****ed around on her but it "meant nothing to him". Do you think it meant nothing to her? So sorry you have no self control, are totally lacking in empathy for the poster, have no moral character and have the impulses of a retarded ape. 
But I digress, some people cheat because they are total cowards who lack the ability to confront their partners in honest dialogue and say what is bothering them. Why is telling your partner so hard? I really don't know because I tell my husband everything and he tells me everything and we do so at the risk of pissing the other person off. Instead losers go outside the relationship and "have their fun". Is a person "biologically" meant to sow their oats? Yes. Do they or rather should they have self control, yes. The excuse that it is biology or they "aren't getting it at home" is ridiculous. Yes, sex is very important to both sexes (at least to me and my husband). A human being has a large brain and can process thought and feelings. The idea that it is in our DNA is bull****. A human being has the ability to communicate with their partner about their needs before they go out and screw around. And the person who said that if you accuse enough you will drive your boyfriend to cheat is either a conflict avoider, a total narcissist or both. It is called free will. Simply put....you do the things you want to do. Nobody "drives" anybody to do anything...unless they are slaves or have a gun to their head, which I suspect your boyfriend had neither.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Brennan actually i think Oh Gheesh is right. It may not be what women want to hear, but some people do really cheat for that reason. In fact the more you see it as 'just renting a hole' the more you feel like it's not such a big deal to cheat. You saying that it has a huge impact on the cheated spouse, that's true, but the cheating partner only finds that out later. It's easy to think that because it meant nothing to you, you're partner won't see it as such a big deal either. That husband, when he said 'it didn't mean anything' was just trying to say that for him nothing changed, he still loves her the same, and he just saw the other woman as game, probably forgot about her already etc...again, this might not be what a person who's been cheated on wants to hear...but it's the only thing the cheating partner can say, that can qualify as truth, and in his/her opinion make things better. 

Funny how you say we all have so much self control, but do a simple test...put something tempting like candy in front of any person, and tell them they aren't allowed. Most likely it will be gone if you live the room, even if you left it with a mature responsible person. That mature person will be thinking 'why the hell not'. Even if they refrain from it they'll still be tempted. 

As for the accusing, people have free will but they react to what's around them. If your spouse is suspicious all the time for no reason, most of the emotional connection will be gone. If you're already tempted by other people, it will not feel like it's worth it to stay faithful to a naggy, suspicious person that doesn't trust you. (this obviously doesn't include people that are faithful because they just are that way).


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Sorry but little diversion....
I always love those polls that say that men cheat more than women...

I really have to wonder .. are there just a few s*uts cheating with all those men or is there possibly an error?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Single women having sex isn't cheating. Married men may be having their affairs with single women; doesn't mean anyone is a ****--except the guys, maybe . . . ;0


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> Single women having sex isn't cheating. Married men may be having their affairs with single women; doesn't mean anyone is a ****--except the guys, maybe . . . ;0


Oh you just have an answer for everything DONT YOU?!?!?!

 teasing


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

I actually agree with Brennan. The cheater knows what he/she is getting into and how it will impact their SO and their marriage. But they still go around and do it. Maybe for the thrill of it, adrenaline rush or whatever. Go skydiving if that's the case. Anybody who cheats on anybody always knows the consequences. It's stupid to think that they have a chance of being forgiven. Yes a lot of peope forgive their spouses for cheating but what are the chances of you falling in that %.
And Nekko I don't really agree with your comparison of cheating to candy. When I know it's going to make me fat, give me an allergic reaction etc I do not eat it no matter how tempting. The consequences are way bigger and would take more time to heal than enjoying a stupid candy for 2 mintues.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

imo...

cheating is a persons choice. everyone makes choices everyday...good, bad for the right or wrong reasons...
i dont believe anyone is "driven" to making one choice or another.

people do like thrills though, maybe the cheater...man or woman does it for a stupid reason like that...until they get caught...

they know what they are doing AND who and what it is going to hurt. THEY made the choice to do it reguardless of what the consequences are...or they wouldnt have done it!


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

cherrypie18 said:


> I know it's going to make me fat, give me an allergic reaction etc I do not eat it no matter how tempting. The consequences are way bigger and would take more time to heal than enjoying a stupid candy for 2 mintues.


Yup, but when you only decide to focus on how good the candy is and don't have any allergic reactions that were discovered yet?  What then?


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Nekko said:


> Yup, but when you only decide to focus on how good the candy is and don't have any allergic reactions that were discovered yet?  What then?


Weeell I think the majority, if not all of cheaters know exactly what the consequences are. But they go ahead and do it anyway because they either don't really care or they don't have enough will power (weaklings). Unless you're drunk (and even then sometimes) people are capable of making rational decisions. I was super drunk on my bachelorette party (lots of vodka shots on an empty stomach) and lots of guys approached me and my friends but I still had my head on my shoulders (although I could barely walk or see clearly) and my brain wasn't switched off to stop thinking rationally and indulge myself in "candy". So if drunk people can do it why can't sober people do it?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I want the beer, the candy, and the sex. That doesn't make me a bad person ...


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Deejo said:


> I want the beer, the candy, and the sex. That doesn't make me a bad person ...


Let's ask your spouse what that would make you


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I stand by my original post. Cheaters are cowards. If something is not working in your marriage then talk to one another. Figure out how to change it. If one or both are unwilling then divorce. The problem with cheaters is that they want to have their cake and eat it too. They are banking on that their spouse does not catch on. It rarely works out that way. In fact even the most cautious cheater usually gets found out. And once that happens the wreckage is beyond description.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I don't endorse cheating. But it isn't nearly as simple and straightforward as you outline either.

"Talking to one another ..." is the fundamental rotted root of infidelity. Communication is the foundation of the relationship - and it's the first thing to deteriorate when the relationship begins to tank. It is the absolute inability to be able to rationally address the issues _together_, or worse, minimize and ignore the issues entirely, that ultimately leads to one partner feeling abandoned and neglected, and eventually the other feeling betrayed and blindsided, when they discover an affair.

And to answer your question cherrypie, you would need to ask my spouse _and her boyfriend_. 

It ain't just guys that decide to step out.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

sandyrose said:


> I'm talking about my exboyfriend... duh I know both sexes cheat.. Thanks for the sex 101 talk



well then you should have asked "why did my boyfriend cheat", now this has turned into why guys cheat with some "both sexes cheat" thrown in. complicated subject and without knowing every aspect of any relationship, its impossible to answer. however its not impossible to understand that it is wrong to cheat, on that i will agree with most of the posters.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

I think what you need to do is take a long hard look at your relationship. Try to be objective and figure out is something was not working right in order for him to be susceptible for cheating. If you do that and find nothing there...then he's just not worth your time.

If, however, you do find something (typically lack of sex or respect) then if you want to continue your relationship with him you will need to work on those problems together. For me, I would never accept a cheater back. Ever.


N.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Yes, Deejo is correct in that lack of communication is the rotten root of a marriage. Having said that, cheating is the worthless soil that kills the tree. I respectfully disagree with NothingMan. Nobody is susceptible to cheating unless they want to be. If things are that bad in a relationship then cut your loses. You don't "solve" your relationship problems by turning to somebody else. If communication is dead and your only chance for happiness is to cheat, then move on. Most cheaters don't however. They want the comfortable they have at home and the strange they have on the side. Meanwhile you are not informed of this "arrangement". Again, I go back to coward. Can't face reality so they go behind the back of the person they claim to love and do what they want. Wrong, absolutely wrong. I do however agree with NothingMan's comment that "for me, I would never accept a cheater back. Ever". Me either. If my partner was willing to lie to me, hide his feelings, lack any self control and go outside our relationship to do whatever he pleases.....I would NEVER take him back. If he told me the sky was blue I would go outside to check for myself. Cheaters are liars, remember that. I would spend my life questioning every single thing they ever said. I wouldn't want that.


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## tazunemono (Feb 25, 2010)

From my viewpoint: 

I need to begin with the fact that over the past few years, I have come to realize that I'm a poly/swinger 'by design'. I am just not wired for monogamy! As long as 3rd party sex/relationship is done in a respectful, mature way, there is no reason why two consenting adults should not sleep together, or love each other. When the hiding/lying comes into play, you have 'cheating' by any definition. How do i know this? 

I cheated on my wife a while back because she was not satisfying me emotionally or physically, despite all of my efforts to communicate this unhappy situation to her. At the time, I did not tell her of my intentions, and I betrayed her trust and hurt her. When I was caught, I did not lie but confessed to everything. With time, I have told her many of the intimate details of our brief relationship. She could not fault me - after all, I found a woman who gave me what I needed when she could not. 

I have learned by talking openly to my wife, and through counseling, that it would not be 'cheating' if I told my wife about my plans to sleep with another woman. If she knew my intentions, and agreed that she could not satisfy me, then she would either end it or let me go and have a good time. I would still love her either way. This is a personal choice that I made. 

It's like with guys going to strip clubs - personally, I go to have attention lavished upon me by attractive women, not to ogle and/or get off. Of course, I have to pay for it, but I would pay for it anyways one way or another (date with my wife, anniversary, flowers, etc.). I NEED the attention and 'stimulation' My wife seems to like it, too! I would much rather have that attention from my wife! 

Just my 2c


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

tazunemono said:


> From my viewpoint:
> 
> 
> Just my 2c


If you're polyamorous, you should be kicking in at least a nickel instead of two pennies.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Taz,
I have no issue with polyamory as long as both parties consent to it. I wonder though how your wife feels about your new found feelings. You cheated on her, confessed the details after she found out and now you want to have an open relationship. That is a tough one. If I were in that situation I would be devastated thinking I wasn't enough. If she trully is okay with it then that's great and works for your relationship. Question for you though....are you okay with your wife doing the same thing?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

To answer this question Biologically speaking :

It is statistically a known fact that Men with HIGH testosterone levels have MORE affairs, MORE divorces, and are often better off single, true monagomy for these men IS much harder to attain in comparison to the Lower testosterone male. These facts have little to do with "love" - just a drive and temptation that is harder to control. More prone to Sex addiction as well. 

Not that this is an excuse - I am not trying to make excuses for cheating , just relay some facts about Men. Because people with Lower levels will /can not ever understand/comprehend "*the intense Drive*" of the Higher Testosterone male. Often times they crave VARIETY like it is an natural instinct that can not be overcome. Even a book by a Religious figure (who has never cheated on his wife & finds it despicable) talks about this in "Kosher Adultery". For these kinds of men, this IS A CONSTANT battle and they ARE weak. I guess this is why we say Men are the Weaker sex. 

This auther feels it is LESS of a concern if a man cheats over a woman cheating (if these are his reasons). Because with the man, oftentimes it has nothing to do with Love at all, but an intense biological urge, and with the women, it is almost always more about Connection/love/intimacy. Generally, when a women cheats, it is far more serious. 

Also the part of the Brain that is stimulated by sexual feelings/urges is 2 times larger in Men than women, this is from from Brain specialist Daniel Amen , MD. So their struggle is often harder to control in comparison to women.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SA,
I have a strong biological urge to have many children. So if we are going to use biology to dismiss our behavior, I guess it would be understandable for me to lie to my partner about using birth control in an effort to have multiple children?


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## chingacook (Feb 28, 2010)

Why do guys cheat? The answer is really simple! **** him more often. I used the term "****" not sex on purpose. Women need to get their freak on more often and spice it up like they did early on in the relationship. Sex with your husband is okay and should happen at least 3-4 times a month. In addition to that 3-4 times, spice it up at least once or twice a month with toys, role playing, mutual masturbation, etc.... I know you ladies out there know exactly what I mean. If you choose to ignor the sex and ****ing like most women do, then you will end up with a cheating husband. I bet this answers about 90% of the reasons why men cheat!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

chingacook said:


> Why do guys cheat? The answer is really simple! **** him more often. I used the term "****" not sex on purpose. Women need to get their freak on more often and spice it up like they did early on in the relationship. Sex with your husband is okay and should happen at least 3-4 times a month. In addition to that 3-4 times, spice it up at least once or twice a month with toys, role playing, mutual masturbation, etc.... I know you ladies out there know exactly what I mean. If you choose to ignor the sex and ****ing like most women do, then you will end up with a cheating husband. I bet this answers about 90% of the reasons why men cheat!


a bold but honest answer. the OP stated that his wife was not meeting his needs. its not up to us to determine if whatever she does is enough and he should be happy with it. his needs were not being met. 
if i completely stopped having sex with my wife, her needs would not be met. her needs come nowhere close to mine in that department but she still has needs. so as it is, its actually my needs not being met right now. all the talking and communicating only helps briefly, eventually she returns to what she is and i am left holding the bag. should i live my life with less than half the intimacy i actually want with the woman i love, desire and totally committed to 20 plus years ago?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Brennan said:


> SA,
> I have a strong biological urge to have many children. So if we are going to use biology to dismiss our behavior, I guess it would be understandable for me to lie to my partner about using birth control in an effort to have multiple children?


 I am not at all condoning this or using Biology to say it is "OK" or permissable in any relationship. I thought I made that clear in my post. I figured it might ruffle a few feathers though.

I am only conveying what I have learned (is all the statistics wrong ??) plus I can see firsthand from a few men in my life - Just how God -awful true what I said IS. 

My husband is a Low Testosterone men, It is NOT difficult for him to stay faithful to me, even when we ONLY Had sex once a week. He did NOT even masterbate during that time. Ask a high testosterone man if he could do that - NEVER! He would go freakin' insane, be driving up the walls with madness if he was not "getting more sex" or his own hand job. Does that say alot about his faithfulness to me, probably not! If I was marrreid to a High Testosterone man, It might be argued that he Loved & cared about me MORE cause it would have been harder for him to remain faithful UNDER THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES. 

And me, when I had a lower sex drive, it never entered my mind about cheating, flirting, I was happy & satisfied all the time. But I am going to be REAL honest here (Judge me if you want), when my sex drive shot up (& I know this WAS Testosterone/hormone related- I had symptoms!) that I for the 1st time in my marraige was seriously wondering "Is my husband enough" for me??!! This was VERY VERY scary for me - I could accually see HOW some people can stray if they are not getting enough sex!! Never did I ever in my life FEEL like that. UNtil you FEEL this way, you simply do not get it. 

Then I have a friend who has an EX whose drive is astronomical, He is one PASSIONATE EROTIC LOVER in bed (I guess that is why women are SO attracted to these kinds)- in fact why she married him in the 1st place & is still wanting him back!! (I almost envy the passion she describes) 
BUT he has never been able to stay faithful to her or anyone he has been with, they are divorced now-and righfully so. 
She has come to the realization that she is NOT to blame for this, it was not about her. That something within him was not able to be tamed. She accually feels he still LOVES her in the best way HE can. She struggles with getting back together with him, I persuade her NOT too -because of his infidelity, his history. 

He probably could get help with this problem, maybe he has a sex addiction, I do not know, but he is not willing to go that extra mile for HER. So it's best she looks for another, but she LOVES him. Sad situation. 

So, no, it is NOT an excuse, but for these kinds of men, the BATTLE is harder, much harder. 

That is all I was trying to say.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

SimplyAmorous said:


> To answer this question Biologically speaking :
> 
> It is statistically a known fact that Men with HIGH testosterone levels have MORE affairs, MORE divorces, and are often better off single, true monagomy for these men IS much harder to attain in comparison to the Lower testosterone male. These facts have little to do with "love" - just a drive and temptation that is harder to control. More prone to Sex addiction as well.
> 
> ...



i will offer you a far less complicated reason why people cheat, their spouse quits or significantly reduces sex frequency. there are members of both sexes on here crying out about lack of sex and typically thats what it boils down to.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

My wife and I up until about 4 years ago had a great sex life. Then over the last 4 years it has slowly deteriorated to the point it is now. We now only have sex once a month at best, and this is what I can expect. For every 5 times I ask her for it 4 of those times she will turn me down and even act like it is something unpleasant. By the 5th time I ask her she will finally agree to it, but it is on HER TERMS (the lights have to be out, she will not kiss me and even turns her head away from me, she only takes her pants off leaving her shirt on and she basically lays there like a rag doll with her legs apart and I will have about 5-10 minutes at best to complete the act. I have stopped asking her now (who wants to have sex with someone who obviously doesn't want to have it with you?). She thinks because she makes herself available to me on occasion that I should be content. I do not agree and have told her so. She has told me that since she is not willing to kiss me, I can kiss other women if I really need to (I have on a couple of occasions). I have now also cheated on her on two occasions. I would much rather be getting it from my wife, but since I am not, I get it elsewhere. I do not want to divorce because of our 3 kids. So this is why this particular male cheats.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

She has told me she just doesn't have the desire she once had, but I do!


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

bbelmont said:


> Sometimes guys are pushed to cheat by accusatory partners. If you keep accusing a man of cheating all your doing is pushing him to do it. If you going to be constantly accused of doing something you may as well be doing it because the accusations are never going to stop.


My husband is very jealous person. If I cheated on him anytime he felt like I was hiding something from him, o God I wouldn't be still married to him today. 
I have been married for 6 years. I would say that our relationship, and sex life is getting better and better, than used to be.
Why do some guys cheat?
Because they want to...


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Deb* said:


> Why do some guys cheat? Because they want to...


exactly! :iagree:


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Deb* said:


> Why do some guys cheat?
> Because they want to...



or they want sex they arent getting at home, same for women


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It is *not* always about sex, some men really care about the Emotional connection in marraige as well. It is true that men usually experience the "Emotional" DURING love making, so it does matter, more to them -than women -generally. 

Lack of communication/Fear of honest open communication, too much nagging, accusing , Fighting (financies, kids etc), lack of respect, lack of interest/enthuasiam, Husbands too busy with their jobs/buddies, Wives too busy with their kids/families/friends, Sooooo many reasons it can happen. Then on top of all of this, add an attractive opposite sex specimen who is waiting in the wings with a willing heart & concern for you, it starts with some innocent talking, then you feel a connection. And it snowballs from there. 

All of these things are legitimate problems in marraige that NEED addressed. 

If not, it either leads to Depression in yourself, Resentment in the spouse, cheating (cause it is the easy way out) or ultimately Divorce. 

Always BEST to go to your Spouse, sit them down , discuss with them HOW you are feeling, where your mind is going, but doesn't want too & see if they are willing to meet you half way, to REGAIN what has been lost.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Always BEST to go to your Spouse, sit them down , discuss with them HOW you are feeling, where your mind is going, but doesn't want too & see if they are willing to meet you half way, to REGAIN what has been lost.


oh i am in full agreement that if you havent even tried to talk to your spouse then you havent tried at all. no excuses for cheating, but there are alot of causes. some people cant deal with the causes properly


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> or they want sex they arent getting at home, same for women


My friend just leaned that her husband is cheating on her, and not once. She said to me'' I don't know why he did that. I gave him everything he wanted. We have a good sex life. Keep the house very clean. Cook. Take care of my kids. He never complained to me for anything. I thought my life was perfect''. They looked really happy though.
What he said? ''I didn't want, but a male friend of mine pushed me.'' And she want to believe him, that was not his fault. She is in denial. 
How can somebody push you to cheat on your wife, and not once, but for over a year period?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Deb* said:


> My friend just leaned that her husband is cheating on her, and not once. She said to me'' I don't know why he did that. I gave him everything he wanted. We have a good sex life. Keep the house very clean. Cook. Take care of my kids. He never complained to me for anything. I thought my life was perfect''. They looked really happy though.
> What he said? ''I didn't want, but a male friend of mine pushed me.'' And she want to believe him, that was not his fault. She is in denial.
> How can somebody push you to cheat on your wife, and not once, but for over a year period?



ok, she said their sex life was great. my wife would tell you the same because once every 10 days to two weeks is her idea of great, not mine. so take that with a grain of salt. however i have not considered cheating as an option to resolve my lack of frequency.
i dont quite understand the "male friend pushed him" comment, that sounds like pure BS on his part. and not every situation is the same, no doubt some cheaters are just jerks (men and women)


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> no doubt some cheaters are just jerks (men and women)


:iagree:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

SA, I hear what you are saying. What upsets me so much are the people who get into relationships and eventually marry their partner with the understanding that it just the two of them. Then they go outside the marriage without consulting their spouse and lean on the biology/high hormones excuse. If you know that aspect of yourself, why not be open and honest about it upfront? Most people would know that much about themselves. I doubt they wake up one day with that epiphany. As for the poster whose friend's husband claimed "I was pushed in to it", that is total bull****. I am a very high testosterone woman in that I love sex . Need it, want it, twice daily kind of chick. I communicated that to my spouse. My husband doesn't have the same drive so we compromise. Nearly daily or at least every other day, most of the time. There is nobody/nothing in this world that could "push" me into betraying him. Nothing. You cheat because you want to. End of story.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Brennan said:


> SA, I hear what you are saying. What upsets me so much are the people who get into relationships and eventually marry their partner with the understanding that it just the two of them. Then they go outside the marriage without consulting their spouse and lean on the biology/high hormones excuse. If you know that aspect of yourself, why not be open and honest about it upfront? Most people would know that much about themselves. I doubt they wake up one day with that epiphany. As for the poster whose friend's husband claimed "I was pushed in to it", that is total bull****. I am a very high testosterone woman in that I love sex . Need it, want it, twice daily kind of chick. I communicated that to my spouse. My husband doesn't have the same drive so we compromise. Nearly daily or at least every other day, most of the time. There is nobody/nothing in this world that could "push" me into betraying him. Nothing. You cheat because you want to. End of story.


 Sounds like in your case, you HAVE communicated with your husband & reached a compromise that works happily for you both. NO resentment, no depresson, but contentment for the most part - Great!! Many try to do this & nothing gets reached unfortunetly. Then they are faced with MUCH harder desecions than you or I. We have not been driven to these places. When I read stories about sexless marraiges or near sex-less, I feel sooooo freakin' bad for those spouses. Many times the no drive spouse expects faithfulness. That is cruely to the highest degree. 

And I disagree with you , sex drives can & DO change for some (probably more women though), you can not always know before you are married that it will remain the same. Alot of men have learned this the hard way. 

Yes, the miserable depressed sex -starved or emotionally starved partner SHOULD do the Right HONEST thing & go file divorce papers, as it is no longer a marraige anyway. That IS HONORABLE. 

But the ramifications for that is SOOO High for some, Men loose all their kids, then have huge amounts taken out of their pay -oftentimes the X does not use it on the kids as intended, endless court costs, wife will blame husband, kids might end up hating father (or vice versa). Maybe he will not be able to survive on what is left of his pay, will he end up in section 8 housing because his wife decided she no longer wanted to have sex with him. Maybe the wife has never worked & is terrified of getting a Divorce, maybe she has panic attacks, where will she go, will she be able to get a job, what if her parents will not take her back, can she afford to eat, will she need to buy a car? 

Then so many think of the kids, trying to keep it all together until the kids are grown, out of the house, they sacrifice their own happiness for thier children, only to find they can not hold true to THIS much of a sacrifice, so they fall. 

I am just thankful I am NOT in those places, cause to be very honest, I have alot of sympathy for a sex starved spouse or a spouse who truly wants to help a marraige (emotionally, physically, communitively but is faced with a Brick Wall for a partner or possibly living under a bridge after a divorce), I just think Cheating , for some of these horrendous situations, although WRONG, would be more inviting, and my judgements would fall equally as harshly with the Brick walled spouse as the Cheater. Some things are not as black & white as they may seem.

And of coarse many are just driven by hormones , wives give EVERYTHING & they still cheat! I do NOT sympathize with these kinds of men, they are DOGS, they should not have taken vows. Every situation is SO different, only God knows our hearts and how desperately we have tried to mend what has been broken, and the Obstacles to do the right thing- before Man and God. 

I have always tried to put myself in the suffering person's "shoes" when I listen to people. To say that every cheater is AS MUCH of a Dog as the next & they all do it simply 
because they are selfish and "want to- period" is just too much of a Blanket statement for me - personally. 

There would be some in this country that might still put you to death for Adultery. I surely do not feel this is a crime = to murder.


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