# Should I leave my fiance



## confusedc (Jun 4, 2009)

My Fiance goes to clubs with his friends and likes to dance and talk to other woman. Our wedding is planned for 2 months from now and he still goes to clubs all night and doesn't answer his phone...is this cause to break it off? Oh and we have a 7 month old baby together.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yep, break it off. Get child support. He'll quickly learn the consequences of his actions! 

He's still living the single life. And without you! No respect for mutual obligations. 

Life changes with marriage. With kids. He doesn't see that. DO NOT MARRY HIM!!! At least not now. At least postpone the wedding, indefinately, for now.


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## confusedc (Jun 4, 2009)

thanks for the advice. So I guess you agree his actions are wrong!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yes, difinately wrong since they do not include YOU. He's having his cake and eating it, too. You should help him eat that (wedding) cake! 

And, please, please, do NOT shove it into his mouth (or smear his face) when the times comes! That shows no respect to each other. Feed it to each other in a loving manner! I've never liked that shoving "tradition"! I once told my xgf that if she did that, I'd annul the marriage the next day.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

His actions are very disrespectful to you. I can see a night out with the guys every once in a while. He made a baby with you. He has obligations at home. Talk to him about your feelings or get a babysitter and start trying to schedule a date night with him. He's going to me married with a wife and child. Yep, sounds like he still thinks he's a swinging single.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

he either wants to keep living the single life or he's trying to pack in all the single life stuff before he gets married.l either way, he's not ready and do you want to waste your time?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Yes, plain and simply. He's not ready for marriage. Even if you separate and it brings him running back, you both need time to build a mature relationship--which may or may not happen. Wedding plans are definitely premature at this point. He may think he can change overnight, but if he is still this interested in the party scene, the feeling is not going to go away just b/c he gets married and he will resent you and his child for keeping him from what he really wants. good luck.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

He is going out way too much. Once in a while is OK. The dancing with other women would bug me. The not answering the phone would bug me. The staying out all night would bug me. Do you go out and do anything? Or are you just at home all the time?

I think some people like to test their boundries and see how much they can get away with. If you don't protest, he'll think it's OK to do these things. Not only is he not respecting you, but all his friends he with are learning not to respect you either. He is supposed to have a higher reguard for you than anyone else.

He could just be trying to get the "single" thing out of his system. It seems some people fear that marriage will take away their freedom and independance.

He chose to spend the rest of his life with you. Now he needs to start acting like it.

You need to start building good communication with him right now. Get him to see things from your side. Let him know that what he is doing is hurting you. If that doesn't seem to matter, take a step back and think about what you really want and need.

My best wishes for you!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Yep, break it off. Get child support. He'll quickly learn the consequences of his actions!
> 
> He's still living the single life. And without you! No respect for mutual obligations.
> 
> Life changes with marriage. With kids. He doesn't see that. DO NOT MARRY HIM!!! At least not now. At least postpone the wedding, indefinately, for now.


:iagree:


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## psnuser12 (Oct 6, 2008)

Well, before you just break it off nobody has even mentioned talking to him about it, nor have you mentioned whether you've talked to him about it. Everybody on this forum is so damn quick to suggest just running away from problems when a discussion with him hasn't even been mentioned.


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## Captiosus (May 25, 2009)

zamardii12 said:


> Well, before you just break it off nobody has even mentioned talking to him about it, nor have you mentioned whether you've talked to him about it. Everybody on this forum is so damn quick to suggest just running away from problems when a discussion with him hasn't even been mentioned.


I agree to a point but, honestly, what is there to really discuss?

The guy goes out all night, doesn't answer his phone, shows absolute irresponsibility towards the woman who is to be his wife as well as his child. He's not at home helping to take care of the child (and, imo, the first year is probably the most taxing and takes BOTH parents more than any other year).

If he ignores the phone when he's out all night, knowing he has a 7 month old at home, I highly doubt he's the kind of guy who's willing to "talk it out".


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## psnuser12 (Oct 6, 2008)

Captiosus said:


> I agree to a point but, honestly, what is there to really discuss?
> 
> The guy goes out all night, doesn't answer his phone, shows absolute irresponsibility towards the woman who is to be his wife as well as his child. He's not at home helping to take care of the child (and, imo, the first year is probably the most taxing and takes BOTH parents more than any other year).
> 
> If he ignores the phone when he's out all night, knowing he has a 7 month old at home, I highly doubt he's the kind of guy who's willing to "talk it out".


That doesn't mean you don't try. I mean, you get engaged for a reason and understand that love in itself is a commitment. Unless both parties don't understand what goes into a succesful marriage. I mean, especially since there is a kid involved... you don't just up and leave because of this. And yes I understand it shows irresponsibility (what he's doing), but it also shows how much you want for things to work out if you at least confront him with your concern and if all else fails then a ultimatum. 

Just try... I mean it's not going to hurt to let your thoughts be known and at least if it doesn't work then you can say you tried. I personally would regret if I didn't let someone know of my concerns (which I actually personally feel like I didn't give my girlfriend a good enough explanation as to why I broke things off but at least I tried).

Anyway, good luck.


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## mamachrista (Jun 3, 2009)

I have to agree with zamardii...have you discussed this with him? I have found that some people are truly clueless enough that they don't realize just how stupid and hurtful their actions can be. Have you talked to him about this and expressed your feelings and he contineus to do it? Yes, it's all a major, major problem what he's doing, I'm not condoning it but like zamardii said, you agreed to marry him and he you and you have a baby together...there iss omething there that at one point, was worth having. 

Has it always been this way or just recent? Is he feeling overwelmed and scared?


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