# My cheating wife can't understand why our daughter doesn't want to spend time with he



## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

It amazes me, stbxw cheats, leaves home and moves in with OM and then can't fathom why her 11 year old daughter might not want to be hanging out with her over there and doing sleepovers (OM isn't there at night).

I guess it goes along with the selfishness. She wants it all to work out for her just the way she wants, and she gets very frustrated when it doesn't. 

I told her it might not be a great idea to force the issue, she isn't 4 and she understands what's happened here.

Anyone else dealing with the same problem?


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

maincourse99 said:


> It amazes me, stbxw cheats, leaves home and moves in with OM and then can't fathom why her 11 year old daughter might not want to be hanging out with her over there and doing sleepovers (OM isn't there at night).
> 
> I guess it goes along with the selfishness. She wants it all to work out for her just the way she wants, and she gets very frustrated when it doesn't.
> 
> ...



hi mainc. mines pretty similar to. i'd be so proud of your daughter by the way to. l'm not sure what to make of mine.

how long have you been together , married , how long ago did she split , did you keep the house and your daughter to , hows that going. how did the plit come about ?

we've been together 18yrs , jesus thats a long time , married 12 , and have an 11yold daughter.
things went bad 3-4yrs ago when we moved here. really tough area , work , getting a house. we hot stressed and had money hassles. 
we finally got a house here 18mths ago but it all took a lot out of us and we neglected each other a lot , got picky an impatient , l got distant a lot too , she was just changing a lot and it was pushing me further.
we both made a lot of mistakes but i did put a lot of distance in there too for different reasons.
anyway , she told me she'd been deeply sad and depressed and wanted to separate . l was so sad and hurt that she's been feeling that pain , but she should have talked to me to 12 mths ago.
anyway she'd had this friend she was leaning on and also wanted to move out and starty spending time with him.
f'g shook me to the core.
she moved out 8wks ago , and my daughter . but he doesn't go there at all and she doesn't know about him. 
sometimes i wish she did . but that's not fair on her she has enough to deal with.
l'm still at the house and working on that.
she comes home most w/ends and some w/ds , holidays to so far.
yes l hurt her mum but l didn't fg leave her , destroy the family . and start seeing someone fg else . l wish she hated her.
sometimes i think she should be acting like yours and not wanting to be with her mum.
l often ask myself if it's right that she doesn't.
and , we were outa town 7mins so no friends handy. they all loved coming out all the time , but they couldn't just walk in or ride their bike or walk home from school together.
so she moved them into town with all this , all my daughters friends are all there now every night, they all get round together and have triple the sleepovers. my daughter hardly seems to mind at all with all these fringe benefits . that seems downright unnatural.
mind you wifes also doing a real number on her i reckon , on that whole stupid town i think . none of her new crowd seem to give a fk that she's just torn her family to bits.
l think they have their new pet and that's that.

my daughters an only child to though , and very aware that she only has us . l'm not sure if she's also just trying to do her best to cope and keep the peace and both of us too. 
good new is l find out she does give mum heaps though over there 
apparently to she won't have a bar of her 1/2 the time to . can't say i'm disappointed.
l; dunno , the counceler said l should be damn grateful my daughters so popular right now and that she can use that on hand to help her cope.
she reckons thats what she's doing and she is a pretty smart girl , she could be right.
it still hurts like all hell though.

what do u think.?


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Some people have no clue that these kids are smarter then they give them credit for. They have feelings and ideas of what is going on. I don't see how some people can just try to put blinders on there kids. Mine are 4 and 7 and ask me when or if daddy is coming home and I tell them I don't know but what I do know is he loves you and will always love you no matter what.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Mine are older, 15 and 12. They know what STBXH has been up to. The younger one treats him fine on the rare occasion when he comes for visitation (he's out of state). The older one will have nothing to do with it. He doen't get it and is sure I've turned them against him. Actually I try to encourage them to maintain contact, but they are not that keen to share things with him. He's paranoid and refuses to take any responsibiity for his behavior, so blaming me is easier than blaming himself, or making a real effort with his kids.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

_how long have you been together , married , how long ago did she split , did you keep the house and your daughter to , hows that going. how did the plit come about ?_


married 18 years, she left 8 months ago for another guy. i have my house and shared custody of my daughter.

all i can tell you is keep being a good father. you can't control your wife, don't beg and plead with her to return, just work on yourself, read up on doing the 180, there are a lot of references to it on this site.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

maincourse99 said:


> _how long have you been together , married , how long ago did she split , did you keep the house and your daughter to , hows that going. how did the plit come about ?_
> 
> 
> married 18 years, she left 8 months ago for another guy. i have my house and shared custody of my daughter.
> ...



18yrs mc , long long time. and thanks for the kind words.

beg and plead , yea right - ain't gonna happen in this lifetime !

look up the 180 you reckon , ah no offense man but l don't think we can get into this place without memorizing the thing first can we ?
unfortunately like everyone round here , me and the old 180 go way back - well 2mths way back , wish l'd never heard of the damn thing to be honest.

how have you been doing over the time ok ? must've been some hard time along the way , big congrats on making it to now.
l've got our place to but at times l wish she was the one sitting in it without her family anymore.
sometimes l think the one that moves gets the best deal.

good luck mc.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

WH, I hope you're doing ok too. I would say making the decision to D was best for me. Also only talking to her about child issues. Doing this has softened her a bit, she has expressed to me that she made a mistake and still loves me, but she's still with OM, so as far as I'm concerned it's over and I'm moving on.

I've had many rough stretches during the past 8 months. I'm just glad I have my home and daughter with me most of the time as I continue to heal. This has been the worst thing I've ever been through, but it's life and people betray each other. Just have to learn from mistakes.


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