# reality, fantasy, bi or gay???



## 1usagirl (May 13, 2010)

I have been with my bf for a lil less than a yr.. its a great relationship, he recenlty moved in, we r buying a house together.... all the good stuff... :smthumbup:

I got curious one day n checked his email. its there email from a porn site he likes to go to. Yes, I went n looked into it... first surpise, he pays for it! n there is soo many free webisetes! n why havent i heard of this web b4.. there were many times we watched porn together N i asked him what sites he likes to go to, but he would never say name of any, just wahtever... n now, i c he pays for one! ok, soooo seems like he is into gang bang.. when I asked him bout it he said it was only a fantasy.. n he doesnt want to be part of it, he just want to watch.. basically he wants his girl (me) to be a porn star.... have a lot of sex w/strangers n also to video tape it.... some he would be there to see it.. just to watch, others he would want me to tape it while he is at work, n then we watch it together later....  interesting rite???


well, I went back to the website n looked more what he was into some more. i was suprised that it was a lot of movies about interracial sex (I dont undrestand this because always makes bad comments on bisexual couples, n here he is getting off on their sex??? :scratchhead: ). other movies that I have found that he looked were 1 gay (2 guys talking bout making a porn movie I guess), n there was also a movie for ppl interesting in bisexual sex. Now also, there was a movie that he watches for a long time with women that look nothing like me (its about big beautiful african american women). Now if he is into this, OK. but Why is he always making bad comments about them when we r together or when we go a strip bar together n we watch them together! Im confused, cuz im pettite, white, small boobs n small butt... n he always tells me Im perfect for him.. :scratchhead:. 

If I am NOT his type ONLY, then why cant he just say it? Im upset, because I think its fair for me to know, isnt it? 

If he was open about gang bang n what he may like about it, or want me to do it,( n he said it was really hard for him n embarassing to admit, yet he is happy i understood n didnt judge him), why couldnt he tell me about maybe being bisexual n liking women outside his race... escpecially cuz I asked him this casaully few times, out of curiousity....

I appreciate any advice... I dont know, maybe Im just not open minded enough for this relationship or there are things that he needs to come OUT of closet with...???? 

what to do????? help!


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## skitown (Feb 9, 2010)

See the attached. Having a fantasy - or even an interest in a particular act does not mean you want to engage in it. Nor does it necessarily match your values.

While I understand how you may be confused by this, I would not interpret his fantasies as who or what he is or wants to be.

Read this link.

Discovery Health :: Sexual Fantasy

All the best.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

1usagirl said:


> I have been with my bf for a lil less than a yr.. its a great relationship, he recenlty moved in, we r buying a house together



I'd be wary of getting too committed. You don't have much invested right now. Less than a year and you already see some SERIOUS compatibility issues. I don't want to judge, but he's into some serious weird **** that you KNOW about. Wait until after the honeymoon and he introduces you to his asian tranny friends.

Be VERY careful here.


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## 1usagirl (May 13, 2010)

skitown said:


> See the attached. Having a fantasy - or even an interest in a particular act does not mean you want to engage in it. Nor does it necessarily match your values.
> 
> While I understand how you may be confused by this, I would not interpret his fantasies as who or what he is or wants to be.
> 
> ...




thank you for the link... I read it.. n its funny cuz I know all of this, but sometimes its just confusing when its a lot to deal with. He asked me if I would go to a therapist so we can deal with this matter, n I will try. who knows, mite help. 

Thanks again


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## kimbo71118 (May 11, 2010)

I feel for you girl, very, very confusing situation. Go to the Men's Clubhouse and read my post (Kimbo71118 - Husband Decided He Needs to Explore Sex With Men Too) - you've invested a year into this relationship, I've been married for 25+ years and encountered similar issues earlier this year...its extremely confusing, makes you wonder "what's wrong with me?, etc. Take up his offer of counseling, it will help you tremendously to realize that its "not you," and whether you want to stay in the relationship and if you do, how to deal with the confusing feelings this behavior is causing you. Since he offered counseling first, he might be confused about feelings he is having also and cannot express them to you...I had the exact same situation. So go to counseling, go together, this situation could be the catalyst that brings you closer together or tears you apart, but counseling with help you with that decision so that you make a decision you can live with.


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## Greenpen (Jan 14, 2013)

cody5 said:


> I'd be wary of getting too committed. You don't have much invested right now. Less than a year and you already see some SERIOUS compatibility issues. I don't want to judge, but he's into some serious weird **** that you KNOW about. Wait until after the honeymoon and he introduces you to his asian tranny friends.
> 
> Be VERY careful here.


I have to disagree completely, you may be right but if you were talking about me you'd be wrong. I've been in a great marriage for 9 years, I'm still very attracted to my wife and we have a wonderful sex life. In my case I have a similar fetish where when I'm alone watching porn I enjoy to see married women with black men. Sometimes but not always I do imagine that it is my wife in the video. I wasn't always into this but it has happened over time that this is what I enjoy. I was raised in a racist household but I do not consider myself as racist but I do admit that interracial couples stand out to me when I am out in public and deep down I am not to fond of it. So why would I enjoy watching it in porn? I don't know... My point is that I would NEVER actually want my fantasies to happen in real life....to me it's just a fantasy.


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

1usagirl said:


> I have been with my bf for a lil less than a yr.. its a great relationship, he recenlty moved in, we r buying a house together.... all the good stuff... :smthumbup:
> 
> I got curious one day n checked his email. its there email from a porn site he likes to go to. Yes, I went n looked into it... first surpise, he pays for it! n there is soo many free webisetes! n why havent i heard of this web b4.. there were many times we watched porn together N i asked him what sites he likes to go to, but he would never say name of any, just wahtever... n now, i c he pays for one! ok, soooo seems like he is into gang bang.. when I asked him bout it he said it was only a fantasy.. n he doesnt want to be part of it, he just want to watch.. basically he wants his girl (me) to be a porn star.... have a lot of sex w/strangers n also to video tape it.... some he would be there to see it.. just to watch, others he would want me to tape it while he is at work, n then we watch it together later....  interesting rite???
> 
> ...


===variation, curiosity, the unknown. porn allows him to check just about everything out. he thinks he needs to know .


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Perhaps he's embarresed to actually tell you what turns him on for rear of you being repulsed or turned off ? So much for open communication huh ??

There' s a lot of hidden fantasies that we may withhold from this fear though not all spouses would react negatively but its easier to just keep it within ....... like i do ahem ahem ??


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

> i was suprised that it was a lot of movies about *interracial sex* (I dont undrestand this because always makes bad comments on *bisexual couples*)


So...is he watching mixed-race or gay p0rn? Just curious, this was a little confusing.

I like watching dp. Does that mean that I want that in my real life? No. I just enjoy watching it. My husband and I have had frank conversations about the type of p0rn we like, our favorites.

Have you told him what YOU like watching? Maybe opening up that line of communication would be helpful.


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## ohno (Jul 11, 2013)

wow old thread but interesting none the less. IMO TABOO is all about things that you reject from your normal identity and situate your world view in opposition to. BUT things that you secretly indulge in, in fantasy life, and really get off on because they are so "dirty". I think everything has its flip side and anyone who is a million percent against something is also a million times into it. juts my opinion.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)




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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Less than a year...buying a house. DO NOT DO THIS.

Also, less than a year means there are probably TONS of things you don't know about him. Like him paying for porn.

Slow down, dang.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

If he wants you to be in porn movies and be a porn star when you do not want it, that could be a problem. But if you suspect him just because he watchs all kind of porn and sex online and pays, I dont see anything wrong he is doing. People watch all kind of stuff just because they want to know. People watch Gerry springer shows because they want to see how people act and how crazy they are, but they do not want to be on Gerry's show, people like to watch murder investigation, because they want to know the true, y, when and what, but they do not want to kill people. Same thing with porn. some people watch porn by curiosity because they know it does exist. You should not be worried unless it is for other reasons, . I think he loves you and he watched porn before, he married you , but he chose you.


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## kezins (Aug 25, 2013)

The type of porn someone watches doesn't dictate what they want in real life. People watch wrestling on TV even if they don't want to be wrestlers.

On another note, I'd be cautious buying a house with a boyfriend. It's a big risk buying one with someone you are married to. If you are just dating, splitting up ownership of the home can get even messier. 

In most states, you'd be protected under more home ownership laws if married. When legally single, the legal battle over the home can be more complicated and more costly.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Then why are so many women told to see what kind of porn their men are watching to see what he is into and to give him some of that in order to jump-start a low sex marriage when the husband doesn't want sex with his wife?

Why are these porn discussions so contradictory?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

geeesh people, this thread is 3 years old.....


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

My husband did not watch gay or bi porn but I found a profile where he said he had been with bi couples. I then found texts of him engaging in soft activities with men and woman. What does your gut say? I am a strong believer that where's there's smoke, there's fire.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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