# Need more male input on my threads



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No offense to the ladies, but can someone tell me why I seem to get more replies from women in my threads then men (even in the clubhouse)? Is it because few men here can relate to my situation? Or do you fellas all hate me?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Yes.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl: very nice!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well why then? =/

This is a serious question ya know!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Just can't relate to your particular problem set. My one bit of feedback is you and your SO seem to engage in too many games and you engage in over analyzing on the quest for getting it perfect.

But maybe since you are the one hoofing out, which historically is more of female activity, more females relate to your posts than us guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Because the men know your a douche. You don't need advice. You use this forum to brag.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Enginerd said:


> Because the men know your a douche. You don't need advice. You use this forum to brag.



_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Not only a douche, but often a drunk douche too. Don't bother responding Random, I blocked you after one of your self-admitted I-am-drunk posts. Hasta la vista, baby. *MEH!*


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I suspected as much... pity really, but I guess it's the same as RL, some people understand, most people just can't. And hence I'm considered the "unappreciative ********* who comes to this forum and 'brags'"

But thank you for honesty, it's good to be clear about all this.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bleh, sometimes it makes me wonder about folks who somehow wish they had a wife like mine or think I'm actually happy with what I deal with, do you really want the games? The demands? The routine sex? The stubborness? The way she makes you feel inferior with her moral ground, digging into your guilt? The way she argues over common sense such as moving from ******* central? Bah...

Guess it's all sex in the end isn't it? But I guess not wanting sex with my wife, makes me less of a man then others.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

random, I don't even read most of your posts for 2 reasons 1) I can't keep up, you have a lot of threads on here! 2) I just don't really relate to you to very, we seem to have completely different backgrounds, problems, personalities and circumstances. However if you are ever in my town you can be my drinking buddy!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lon said:


> random, I don't even read most of your posts for 2 reasons 1) I can't keep up, you have a lot of threads on here! 2) I just don't really relate to you to very, we seem to have completely different backgrounds, problems, personalities and circumstances. However if you are ever in my town you can be my drinking buddy!


Heh booze cures all problems mate 
Cheers!


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Bleh, sometimes it makes me wonder about folks who somehow wish they had a wife like mine or think I'm actually happy with what I deal with, do you really want the games? The demands? The routine sex? The stubborness? The way she makes you feel inferior with her moral ground, digging into your guilt? The way she argues over common sense such as moving from ******* central? Bah...
> 
> Guess it's all sex in the end isn't it? But I guess not wanting sex with my wife, makes me less of a man then others.


It's the way you whine about not getting your fantasy's filled that make you less of a man. Have you ever had any real adversity in your life?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, no offense to you, but you write like a woman...so maybe that's why more women can relate.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Heh booze cures all problems mate
> Cheers!


Cures? No. Represses for a few hours? Ok, i'll buy that.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Enginerd said:


> It's the way you whine about not getting your fantasy's filled that make you less of a man. Have you ever had any real adversity in your life?


Thought you blocked Random?.... :scratchhead:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enginerd said:


> It's the way you whine about not getting your fantasy's filled that make you less of a man. Have you ever had any real adversity in your life?


So, I guess I should "man up" and yet take the sh-t the missus gives me eh? Guess that makes me a REAL MAN yet at the same time doing so = doormat.

Please no hard feelings but I'm willing for a good debate here. Indulge me.



> Well, no offense to you, but you write like a woman...so maybe that's why more women can relate.


I know =/

I don't know whether to blame the missus or my daughter for this "loose wrist" I've developed. Terms like "wifey" and "cute" and "pretty boy" and whatever else and what not.

:rofl:


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

pidge70 said:


> Thought you blocked Random?.... :scratchhead:
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


that was a different poster that stated that.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sorry, I am a chic answering LOL. Do you actually ever take any of the advice given to you by the men on the forum?? 

I haven't seen all of your posts, but I do see a recurring theme in the ones I have been able to scan over, so just wondering if that might be why. They tend to stop responding when they think you aren't doing anything with the information they are giving you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

=/

Well... come to think of it, those I only seem to take the advice to heart are from either AFEH, the guy, Deejo or Halien, who seem to understand or at least help me wake up from time to time or suggest links to others who can help. But it seems they can only reply to what they can relate to as well, but that's understandable.

Meh... guess I can't expect too much


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

DawnD said:


> that was a different poster that stated that.


My bad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well I don't know, guess I shouldn't really even bother posting on men's clubhouse really, even if from time to time some folks can actually relate...

Too much female energy! And the same reason I'm afraid of another child, what if, I get yet ANOTHER daughter! >.<!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Who are you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Who am I? WHO AM I? 

I AM GOG AND MAGOG! THE HARBINGER OF THE END-TIMES! THE ANTI-CHRIST SOME CALL ME! Hehe

Then I got married =/


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Dude. Step away from the bottle. LOL


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm actually sober you know =/

Sheez, I made one drunk post months ago and EVERYONE thinks I'm always drunk... but then again I take the piss outta everything, even when sober, so meh


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You do complain a lot though. lol. Are you a "glass half empty" type of person?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Are you waytooaverage's brother?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

RD,

I am going to ask this, at the risk of offending you. I don't want to offend you, but I think it is a valid question. One I have had to ask myself from time to time.

If you imagine your daughter in the future, and picture her with a man exactly like you (cheated during dating, treating her how you treat your current wife) would you be happy? Knowing that your daughter is having to deal with the same crap you bestow upon your wife?

Before you ask, yes I would ask your wife the same thing . Like I said, I have had to ask myself that about my sons.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Waaah! Hat trick with the female posters on my own thread that tries to get more male opinions! :rofl:

@That girl
Erm, explain

@Almostrecovered
Yes, I'm also his mother

@DawnD

No I'll kick his ass, but then again I kick my own ass and anyone else who is like me. I'm trying, hence I've agreed with the missus' little plan to "make things good this xmas"...

... but it seems I might always be damaged goods no matter what the hell I try and I'm married to a crazy nutcase dominating queen-biatch who I ironically love because she drives me insane and pushes me :scratchhead:


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Damaged goods or not, you are setting an example for your daughter of how a man should treat his wife. Does your wife always deserve your best? Maybe not, and I doubt you get her best all the time either. Does your daughter deserve the best from both of you? You betcha. You would probably have to start by stopping the view that your wife is "the enemy". Just a suggestion


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You treat your wife horribly. You have zero respect for her.

My husband would never treat me as you treat your wife. Just saying.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well we've made progress... somewhat, as for the missus and I's little war, we're disarming our nukes this xmas, but it's a work in progress. But that's off topic here, we are discussing...

MALE ADVICE in the Men's Clubhouse, where's the bros in all this?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

You are too bored! 

The problem is you, not your wife. 

You are empty, and you are lost. You do need guidance. But not from here!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Of course I'm bored!

The missus won't even let me open up a new business, she won't even bother to have fun with me either then routine sex, and her attempts yesterday were... heartbreaking to say the least. Time together time together, meh, it's commitment, only reason I'm doing this, and the fact that I agree with her that we should make at least this xmas a good one.

She used to be so good at the game and into it, she ended up "p--sywhopping" a player even. I am trying but I can't do this without some advice from those who've been there. My IC doesn't have a f--king clue and as for other "players" I've already become different from them having been "whooped"

I don't know what to do, I don't know what I've become, confused and lost as you say. But I can't be taking advice from women all the time there MUST be at least some men out there who are going through this and can share their experiences. No offense, but women are women and men are men.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

You're a random dude.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Are you waytooaverage's brother?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I honestly don't think you want things to change. That's the impression I get.

You take pride in treating your wife like dirt...you even laugh about disrespecting your wife with your daughter!

It's all just so toxic (from when you write here).


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

You don't need to seek advice from men who have been to the similar situation. Everybody's life is different. 

You need to have an organized life. You do need to learn how to be a good husband, but you grasp what you think it is important to you and you won't let it go. You say your wife doesn't respect you, I don't think you respect your wife either. You say your wife wants a lot of sex. Why does she want a lot of sex? Her insecurity is causing her this. You are not making her feel secure. How to make a woman feel secure? Spend time with her! Instead of spending time with her, you are here telling the world you are lost. 

Do you think having a second business will solve the problem? You don't have inner peace. How can having another business solve your problem? People in general regard wealth as success. The more money you have, the more successful you are. If you believe in that, you will never settle, you will never be satisfied with your life. 

I don't see your wife as a horrible woman. She is seeking spiritual help, she is seeking help to be a good wife. You think you are here bubbling so you are great. You think you want to work out your marriage and she is doing nothing. Tell you honestly, you are the cause of your problems. You still have the blood of the street life, you want the excitement, you are not content with a boring and peaceful life. But then you know the street life is dangerous, you don't want the danger, you hide yourself in a marriage. 

Don't think too much of yourself, don't be too protective of yourself. loosen yourself and let other people come into your life. Don't guard yourself so much, don't be so scared of other people. Nobody is going to hurt you except yourself. You know, you are doing yourself more harm than anybody else who you think might hurt you. 

If you can, read some books!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

PRIDE?! WTF?! You think I f--king enjoy it everytime she rips me apart with her tears?! Is that what you really f--king think of me?!

As for laughing over everything ITS MY COPING MECHANISM and it has been since the days left on the streets. Laughter preserved my sanity, though not all

But I can see how I can be misunderstood bc of that... BAH!

@Greenpearl

You were there when I first joined, you know how manipulative and selfish she can be. As for her security yes I thought that this was the culprit with her high sex drive but guess what? It NEVER changes no matter how much reassurance I gave her, she just ends up demanding more and more refusing to be patient!

And since when did I proclaim that "I'm here and she's not, therefore she's doing nothing"?! Even my last thread fully admits that she was the initiator of our little compromise this xmas. But as for the blood of the streets, no one can help me in that.


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

I do not know how old you are, or how long you have been married, and I haven't read all your posts. But it seems to me you miss being a player and are not happy being married. I was a confident, athletic guy in school that was a "player". But at some point you grow up and mature. When you do that, then you will realize true happiness comes from not how much p***y you get, but comes from finding that one woman who makes you feel like you are home when you are with her. And it gives you much more satisfaction and happiness to make sure that your wife and children are taken care of. To know that she is sexually satisfied first is more important than just what she can do for you. When you do that R.D, believe me, everything you want, everything you need and desire, that woman will walk through fire to make sure you have it. Hope that helps. (Edited for thatgirl)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I hope being mature means not typing in 'text' talk. :rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I hope being mature means not typing in 'text' talk.


It's laid out very clearly that he's on a mobile FFS



ryansdad said:


> Idk how old u are, how long u have been married, and I haven't read all your posts. But it seems to me u miss being a player and are not happy being married. I was a confident,athletic guy in school that was a "player".But at some point u grow up and mature. When u do that, then u will realize true happiness comes from not how much ***** u get, but comes from finding that 1 woman who makes u feel like u r home when u r with her. And it gives u much more satisfaction and happiness 2 make sure that ur wife and children r taken care of. And 2 know that she is sexually satisfied first is more important than just what she can do 4 u. And when u do that R.D, believe me, then everything u want, need, or desire, that woman will walk thru fire 2 make sure u have it. Hope that helps.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm in my mid twenties, 3 years coming to 4 years in marriage. Yes, I'm young...

"still a baby!" *pinches cheeks* Hell I hate that! Anyways...

The thing is I've realised that I'm not going to happy continuing the way I did in the past, and I felt at home when I first met my wife. I do enjoy quality time with her and our daughter, and I do enjoy making love to my wife as well - as long as it's not demanded.

But when I met my wife she was very different, she was adventurous, fun, confident, and really "alpha". Now she's become "beta" and not only that, but has grown to be rather selfish and manipulative, and rather boring except for the strings she tries to pull which is ironically entertaining.

I'm just not used to all this "good girl" sh-t, and I'm not used to all these clingy lovey doveys and vulnerability and transparency and all that stuff. She changed and we grew apart. Now she's the saint and I'm the ass...

But I just don't know how to f--king change


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh. I text all the time and don't use shortcuts. My bad.

You're in your mid-20s? I would have thought late 40s. It makes more sense now.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Of course I'm bored!
> 
> The missus won't even let me open up a new business, she won't even bother to have fun with me either then routine sex, and her attempts yesterday were... heartbreaking to say the least. Time together time together, meh, it's commitment, only reason I'm doing this, and the fact that I agree with her that we should make at least this xmas a good one.
> 
> ...


Okay, to be honest, being 'whupped' ain't half bad. Sure, sometimes we might need to come to a site like this and pretend that we're in control, but underneath all that craziness in our wives is a secret that few men ever find. It's nice in here, and if she is happy, all is bliss. The dark side has milk and cookies, too.

But on a serious note, its hard for me to relate to some of the dynamics in your relationship. Hey, I'm the guy who took advantage of the earthquake a couple of years ago to go to the microwaves in the cafeteria, minus the long lines, so I could eat my sandwich with melted cheese. Filled my cup half full so the soda wouldn't slosh out of the cup while I ate. I'm practical, and just don't get worked up over a crisis. So I develop a nervous tic when reading about your adventures. Sorry. 

The long and the short of this obtuse reply is that I'm not sure if you enjoy the conflict and manufacture it to that end at times, but if you bring in a certain tense atmosphere to the relationship, very few women can keep up with it forever, even if they appear to contribute to it. I'm not picking on women in general - hey, most men can't, either. I hope you give her occasional safe periods where its 100% her and her needs. Otherwise, resentment can grow deep while you are still interpreting it as the normal back and forth.


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

If it helps you at all, in my experience, both of you will go through various changes and phases over time. I am 37 and my wife is 40, we have been married a little over 12 years and have been together for 15 years. There have been times when our relationship has been 50/50 and we are both happy with each other. There have also been times when it has been 70/30 (me giving 70 sometimes, and her giving 70 sometimes). 

There have been phases when life sucked for me personally and i was a complete ass and difficult to live with and sometimes when she hasn't been the most pleasant person to be around as well.

Through it all however, there has never, ever been a doubt that we loved each other and overall I have been very blessed with an outstanding marriage and wife and she would say the same thing.

Instead of playing games with your wife and getting into some form of a p*****g contest with her over changes you may not like at the time, have you sat her down and asked her what these changes are about and why they are happening? She may be doing something to try and bring you two closer or make you happy, not realizing its bugging the s**t out of you. 

You have a long way to go and if you do truly love her and she is the one who makes you feel safe and at home when the rest of the world is kicking you and you could never imagine living your life without her by your side and your family intact, at some point you have got to stop playing games with each other and really get better at communicating.

When you both figure that out, and the games stop, I think that is when you will stop pining for the glory days of "being a player" and thinking that she p***ywhipped you. 

There is no other woman in the world I want to be with or could imagine waking up next to even in the worst of times we have had. And at 37, I am still in good shape and she is very beautiful and very fit for a 40 year old woman. So I think I have that in common with you at least. I am 6'1" and weigh 170 and she is 5'8" and weighs 138 and she is just as beautiful without makeup as she is all made up. 

I would have to read the rest of your posts, but I think maybe you are just misunderstood a little and maybe blow things a little out of proportion because you enjoy riling people up. I was the same way throughout my 20s.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Halien said:


> Okay, to be honest, being 'whupped' ain't half bad. Sure, sometimes we might need to come to a site like this and pretend that we're in control, but underneath all that craziness in our wives is a secret that few men ever find. It's nice in here, and if she is happy, all is bliss. The dark side has milk and cookies, too.
> 
> But on a serious note, its hard for me to relate to some of the dynamics in your relationship. Hey, I'm the guy who took advantage of the earthquake a couple of years ago to go to the microwaves in the cafeteria, minus the long lines, so I could eat my sandwich with melted cheese. Filled my cup half full so the soda wouldn't slosh out of the cup while I ate. I'm practical, and just don't get worked up over a crisis. So I develop a nervous tic when reading about your adventures. Sorry.
> 
> The long and the short of this obtuse reply is that I'm not sure if you enjoy the conflict and manufacture it to that end at times, but if you bring in a certain tense atmosphere to the relationship, very few women can keep up with it forever, even if they appear to contribute to it. I'm not picking on women in general - hey, most men can't, either. I hope you give her occasional safe periods where its 100% her and her needs. Otherwise, resentment can grow deep while you are still interpreting it as the normal back and forth.


Love it!! Best post I have read in a while. 

Sorry RD couldn't help commenting - I'm gone.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> PRIDE?! WTF?! You think I f--king enjoy it everytime she rips me apart with her tears?! Is that what you really f--king think of me?!
> 
> As for laughing over everything ITS MY COPING MECHANISM and it has been since the days left on the streets. Laughter preserved my sanity, though not all
> 
> ...


Life is always changing. 

She has changed, you can change too. 

You say you can't change. It's not true. You can change, but you don't want to. 

I don't know your wife, but I know you a little bit. You are not stable, and you are complicated. Can't blame you, you are still too young. 

You want a bad girl, because a bad girl is more thrilling. But I tell you honestly, a bad girl is not good for a happy marriage. Just like a bad man is not good for a happy marriage.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I just realized something. You joined the forum in December last year, at that time, you were struggling. Now it is December again, and you have posted quite a lot recently. 

Some people become moody at a certain time of the year. 

Think carefully, is it a routine for you? 

If not, just ignore what I posted.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

You are your own worse enemy RD.



I’d offer some advice but it’d be pointless as you’ve never taken any advice anyone has ever offered you because you know best and all that.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

You seem addicted to the conflict. You hate it but can't give it up.

Same with the p*ssing contest behaviour.

The thing is, based on what you write your wife isn't much better.

You're in a death spiral. 

All the crap you come out with on here? Yes, it's real, and it's serious, but it's symptoms.

Just like a huge spiking fever is a symptom of malaria, all the bad stuff you describe is a symptom of something else.

What you seem to be doing is trying to keep the fever down (some of the time), whilst doing nothing to deal with the underlying infection. You need to root out the mental equivalents of the Plasmodium falciparum you have rattling round inside you.

Unless you (and, based on your writings, your wife) BOTH decide to identify and TREAT the causes of these behaviours, just trying to stop is *not *going to work.

Most of the best minds on TAM, male and female, have given you plenty of advice. If it ain't worked now, it ain't going to. By analogy, TAM is the home medical guide and medicine cupboard. What YOU need is a hospital, not the home medical guide.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

RD, I don't post in your threads because from what you've said, it seems that both you and your wife thrive on gaming each other. Nothing is ever what it seems on the surface. So the likelihood of offering any useful comments is slim. Add to that the fact that there's no way to keep track of your current status, what's been done in the past, or any sign of a game plan and follow through...

On the other hand, I am sympathetic to the "oversexed partner" thing, and feel like too many people give you grief simply because you're the guy who's wife wants sex too much. I might feel different even if she just wanted sex daily. But if you ask me, a spouse that wants/needs sex as much as your wife does (regardless of gender) has got some bad wiring, and until that's taken care of, good luck with the rest of your issues.

That brings me to my last point... Some people's situations lend themselves to being supported in an Internet forum. Often they need some sympathetic ears, a few words of wisdom, and they're good to go. Sometimes, they even need a gentle slap upside the head to wake them up, and a forum can be good at calling them on their BS.

Other couples... They need a lot of intense, one on one help. Both people need to have their defenses stripped away so the underlying problems can be resolved, and that would be a painful and difficult process even for a professional therapist, I'd imagine. And both people need to buy into that healing process, or it's wasted effort. Random advice by well meaning strangers is like peeing on a forest fire. We might feel good for having done it, but the benefit to anyone else will have evaporated before it hits the ground.

Guess which group I think you and your wife fall into?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I hope you give her occasional safe periods where its 100% her and her needs.


Only when I don't think so much and end up stressed, aka holidays. Then when it gets back to normal the missus complains, but I guess she has a right to.



> Some people become moody at a certain time of the year.
> Think carefully, is it a routine for you?


Nah, it's just been this way for the last 2 years.



> I’d offer some advice but it’d be pointless as you’ve never taken any advice anyone has ever offered you because you know best and all that.


Theory and application mate, application I need more advice with then theory.



> Unless you (and, based on your writings, your wife) BOTH decide to identify and TREAT the causes of these behaviours, just trying to stop is not going to work.


You're right, we've only been attacking the symptons, not dealing with our issues at our core. As of right now we've only begun a "new routine" to prevent further infighting this xmas, and so far things have been quite peaceful. But I know it won't last once the holidays are over and it's back to normal.

Guess we need to dwell deeper. I guess she's right that I shouldn't shut her off from my own issues, and she's been very understanding so far. We've re-opened our communications channel since our 2nd last little talk... however she refuses counselling. I don't think she will ever do it, we both have skeletons in our closets but we only trust each other with it (and that's if we're not fighting each other), not to mention she thinks she's "fixed".

However, truth is, come to think of it... hell this was years ago, I knew she had issues even from the first time we had sex. She was skilled, willing, very talented and experienced but it just still felt rather empty. It was only after continual reassurance, time together, and love did she really open up, and really blew my mind.

I guess now it seems she has indeed, closed off, and treats sex like what she used to do, and even worse, how she used to see it in her own past before I met her; she gauged her own worth by her sexuality. Ironically, since marriage I seem have be doing the opposite of what I used to do, I've been turning her down, spending time in my man-cave, treating her like sh-t. Meh... guess I can't really blame her can I?



> We might feel good for having done it, but the benefit to anyone else will have evaporated before it hits the ground.


True...

Fine, it's decided, I'm going to do my part and to hell with what may happen. I'm not going to ever treat her this way again, no more games against her, no more rejecting her, no more neglecting her. If she plays more games against me I will show her that she's going to get what she wants; a man who isn't going to back down nor is he going to entertain her sinister urges by playing the games back.

It may not be enough, but the least I can do is to show her there is a better way (and ironically, she has already started), and help her feel loved that she never felt before in her own past which I actually used to do. But can I count on the fellas here for support through this?

I am merely in my mid-20s, love, marriage, children, even a legitimate career is all new to me. I may have had many experiences but not like this. I can be stubborn, but just remind me of what I said here today.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Enginerd said:


> It's the way you whine about not getting your fantasy's filled that make you less of a man. Have you ever had any real adversity in your life?


Hey RD! Just reading through some of your other posts to see other areas where you (the whiney wife... like I call my husband) and me (the sex starved husband... bc I and your wife are in the same boat as many MEN on this board) could help each other understand our spouses side.

You mentioned routine sex as a reason you dont want it with her anymore. Does she know that you think of it as routine? Do you think its routine simply bc its only with her or is it a "same position every time" routine, or is it same thing different day routine? If she knows you dont like the way she likes it, has she gotten the anger out of her system at that disparity? I ask this last one bc my husband told me years ago that he hated the one position I could have an assured "O" in. He started only having sex with me IF we didnt do it that way for any stretch of the sexual encounter. 

One reason I broke up with him 3 times, bc I could see my needs were meaningless and bothersome to him. I went back everytime bc he started having sex with me again for a while until he thought I was comfortable again. Now, I have learned to play games to get sex (ie keep talking, incessantly if need be so that he will have sex to shut me up) and I hate them, never did them in my life before and yet its been the only way to get a sliver of my way on rare occassions... SO, along that line, perhaps you inadvertently "taught" your wife that she needed to play the games with you too? My husband would never think or admit that he taught me to play games, bc Im the one with all the issues. He thinks he is just in a marriage with a woman he was once attracted to in all ways who has turned magically, all by herself into some bitter, sex fiend who talks all the time! That is not who I am, its who I became with him out of neccessity bc when Im quiet EVERYTHING is his way only. 

My husband is like you and describes me the way you describe your wife... only from my end he is a whiny diva who is only happy... scratch that, only mildly content if he can just do his thing when where and how he wants without considering anyone else but himself. He goes beyond the whining and actually gets physically aggressive when in diva mode. Most of the time if I dont say a word to him he thinks things are great bc Im not talking to him, talking period, and he just goes about his life as if I wasnt even there to bother him. He thinks that he wouldnt have any problems if I werent around (Im speaking of when times arent good). What he fails to see is that if he doesnt address the issues that are from within him, they will resurface again with someone else, perhaps in different ways, but they will come up again. I think he knows this on some vsceral level, so he just tries to implement his control of our time and activities to keep things from coming up... which "inadvertently" causes them to come up, which he then thinks I did bc he was "trying to keep things from coming up." Crazy circle. 

So, if you and wifey are watching tv together, do you ever instigate or "play" with her which ends up with her being mad at you (which was your unconcious goal of getting her to want to NOT have sex with you)? Do you sometimes try to do things that you think will get her to NOT want to have sex with you? If your wife is like me, pushing buttons like that will not make her not want to have sex with you, it will make her want to do something that will irritate you, since you irritated her. Just curious if you have this game...


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I honestly don't think you want things to change. That's the impression I get.
> 
> You take pride in treating your wife like dirt...you even laugh about disrespecting your wife with your daughter!
> 
> It's all just so toxic (from when you write here).


Yep - agreed. And, it doesn't sound like your wife wants to change much either and she likes all the headgames, toxicity of the relationship etc. 

Not a great model for your daughter.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I don't think that RD wants advice. This is more like a blog for him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

RD, another woman here, but yeaah your posts are exhausting. Like so many others have said, you and your wife play games with eachother. You say you get off on them, but most people would end up divorcing over it because it's too much, all the time. It's ridiculously toxic and while it may be fun for a 24 hour period, living your entire life that way = boring/lame/annoying/exhausting. 

I think you create a lot of problems. I think you do this so you can't be happy. I think you don't want to be happy. I think if you get to a point of normal, you sabotage it yourself because you prefer to crazy unhealthy dynamic to a good and healthy one. You said yourself that you view vulnerability in a relationship as weak. But a marraige is ALL about that. Being vulnerable w/ your partner, sharing feelings, being happy together, not being afraid to say how you feel.

I think you have low self-esteem. And you project what you feel onto your wife. How you feel inside is how you treat her on the outside. I don't think you are happy with yourself. And it's a damn shame. Get happy!

So you and your wife do this dance constantly. 

Honestly, I can see you guys ending up in a bitter divorce. And you repeating this cycle with the next one... 

Just calling it out as I see it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's not really 24/7 but it's often enough during the year I guess. It's more a rollercoaster, goes up really high and passionate then goes down really low and tiring and annoying.

Whether we like it or not, we're used to it. But at least now we've acknowledged that recently. As for the cycle, yes, it seems to be in a loop, even if I do try to fix it. Now we're going upwards but guess we both wonder when it's going to go downwards.

My counsellor just tells me that we seem to be spiralling, but whether we spiral up or down is up to us. Meh, we'll see how it goes this xmas.

@Toolate

Yes she knows I don't like routine, and I've spelt it out for her. It's the same thing multiple times on different days and she has trouble taking no for an answer. It's not the sex itself that is the problem it's the lack of buildup, her demands, and the fact I simply don't get turned on a simple naked body - naked while bits covered up to tease me however, big difference and it's SO simple!

And I don't like a woman all over me I like her to make it difficult for me. Also, AFEH mentioned my wife needs to learn boundaries but she's the type of women who believes she should get what she wants when she wants whenever possible and whenever she feels she has the right; which in this case, she has the right of a wife. I don't know how to enforce boundaries without being an ass at the same time with my wife.

And yes I've been guilty of making her mad so that I can have my space for the night from time to time. So I guess her demands are a way of irritating me? =/

Anyways in either case I'm disciplining myself not to play games or play back for a short term experiment to see how this goes.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Guess it's all sex in the end isn't it? But I guess not wanting sex with my wife, makes me less of a man then others.


Damn skippy its all about sex!

Ive read many a post by you, and respond where I think I can provide positive feedbak/ critiscism.

One thing that baffles me is how the heck have you not divorced her yet?


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

Random: I have no ability to relate. Your wife wants sex > 1/day? It would kill me. I like to have 1 day in between to recharge. 

She wants all that sex but just wants to lie there and not spice it up? Yeah, that would get pretty dull after a while. She's gotta take some responsibility here. 

Have you tried Viagra? It won't make it less boring, but would make it easier to maintain the wood. 

You like her to mix it up and get bored when she isn't a challenge to you? OMG, drama queens drive me nuts. I married a Software Engineer. She's pretty straightforward.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well her idea of spicing is maintaining her looks that attracts other men and should by right also be attracting me. She doesn't exactly just lay there but the thing is I'm not exactly turned on by simple raw skills or talent, I'm turned on by the challenge.

As for maintaining the wood tuna cans seems to help. I also feed myself a few steaks while I'm at work, keep the ballsac factory working.

And she doesn't have to be a drama queen, I just want her to tease me more and be a bit more playful like she used to do. I simply can't be turned on by a woman throwing herself on the bed and spreading her legs. No... but wrapping herself with the blankets exposing only her legs and smooth shoulders, then brushing them softly inviting me to join her, only to tease me not allowing me to see under the blankets... well that is different.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

Gotcha Dude. Seems to me that if she can demand that much sex of you, that she needs to take some responsibility to make it more exciting for you. 

One other thing: Does your wife have a job or some other hobby that can take her mind off of you for a while? That might be something to suggest.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She's a SAHM though she is very social and does go out all the time with friends, she enjoys dancing, movies, cooking, gaming and dining as well. They don't seem to help though.

Oh well, I dunno
I'm thinking of writing a bible for her to read in regards to my buttons and how even the slightest triggers can go a long way; even if she initiates first and turning me off at the forwardness she can so easily recover smoothly by just withdrawing from me, and I will take care of the rest (as long as she doesn't stop playing with me)... give me a little, take it away, give me a little more, take it away.

The problem is that she seems to be unable to be patient, my arousal meter takes a lot more work before it goes into "beast" mode then hers it seems. I shouldn't have to spell it out for her because she drove me crazy in the past but now she's gone lazy. Also, her "beast" mode can be rather scary especially when I'm still half-way there on the arousal meter.

I don't know how to fix this however


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> I simply can't be turned on by a woman throwing herself on the bed and spreading her legs.


:rofl: Proof that men want more than just sex.


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