# Your experience with 180?



## armywife0520 (Aug 29, 2011)

Hi everybody, looking to hear what everyone's experience with the 180 was? I'm curious to try it but its the complete opposite of who I am. My husband and I are in the process of slowly recovering from his little month hiatus with his ex fiance and mother of his child. Although he is no longer seeing or speaking to her I know he is still no 100% committed to our marriage. I find myself constantly anxious about what he's doing, where he is, and it certainly doesn't help I am currently attending school 2.5 hours away and only seeing each other on weekends. (Although the OW does live where I currently am and he is on a military base 2.5 hours south). He has been pretty good with being completely open ( I have all passwords/access to everything etc). I pretty much have tabs on where he is at all times but I hate this feeling of having to monitor someone and I know I probably come off as way controlling and sometimes physco. I am interested in trying the 180 and would like to know how it helped you and if it had an affected on your WS.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

I too would like to know how it's worked for others.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The purpose of the 180 is to separate yourself from your spouse and to help protect you from more hurt.

You are already living seperate most of the time. If you want to repair your marriage, you need to spend time with him. But you need to not be a doormat.

Additionally you say that your husband is being cooperative, giving passwords, etc.

I don't think that the 180 is right for you at all.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I actually unknowingly did a 180 LOL. I found out about his betrayal, and with the help of the good people at TAM I was able to set up some new boundaries. Then when I got to thinking about everything, I realized I gave too much of myself for everyone.

Sooo, it started with me getting into college, starting my education and finding myself again. I didn't ignore my spouse, but he was afforded less of my attention. I was focused on other things, and he found that attractive. 

I think more people here will be better at phrasing it all for you, but I do think its a wonderful tool.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DawnD said:


> I actually unknowingly did a 180 LOL. I found out about his betrayal, and with the help of the good people at TAM I was able to set up some new boundaries. Then when I got to thinking about everything, I realized I gave too much of myself for everyone.
> 
> Sooo, it started with me getting into college, starting my education and finding myself again. I didn't ignore my spouse, but he was afforded less of my attention. I was focused on other things, and he found that attractive.
> 
> I think more people here will be better at phrasing it all for you, but I do think its a wonderful tool.


:iagree: Now that's more of what would work in the OP's situation.

The original idea of the 180 was to behave in a manner that is 180 degrees different from your normal behavior. On this site people usually talk about the 180 as being what is linked in my signature block.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Ele Girl -- I think that would work best for her as well, especially with the distance, but I hate to push anything on anyone. She may not like it when she reads it, may not suit her.

OP -- When I say I became more attractive to him, it was because I was passionate with myself again. I wanted to start using my GI Bill and get into school. when I started school I loved it and could throw myself into it. 

He was still afforded attention, but he knew that I had other things going on, and that made him realize that I could do very well even without him. Knowing that I didn't NEED him but rather that I WANTED him was a huge thing for him.

Think about the things you talk about when you do speak. Do you get excited to tell him about things in your day? If you don't, then start there. I think everyone needs something in their life that they can't wait to talk to their spouse about. ( I personally think this needs to be something outside of their children, but to each their own).


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## armywife0520 (Aug 29, 2011)

Thanks for your input! Elegirl- you bring up a good point with the fact we are not technically living together all the time. This worries me immensely because I'm not sure if our marriage can ever be repaired if were only working on it on the weekends. I am in the middle of finishing my degree and when I did decide to take some time off after we got married is when my husband cheated on me. So I'm extremely hesitant to continue putting off my degree for a husband that is not at all dependable. We are together every weekend and come summer I'm sure I will move back down there for a few months. Do you think this will really affect the process or do you agree with me on getting my education should be first and foremost since our marriage isn't first to him.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Your education should be first. But you also shouldn't have to choose. just because you are in school doesn't mean you can't be a wonderful wife. Its about knowing your own priorities and wanting things for yourself. Do things for yourself that make you happy. Do things together that make both of you happy. Continue to work on the marriage, just know that you have things for yourself outside of him. Does that make sense or am I talking in circles?


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## armywife0520 (Aug 29, 2011)

No Dawn makes perfect sense. That's what I'm trying to do with school. My husband has asked me to move back but I've declined and told him I have to get this done for me. But I have been doing everything I can to change the faults I have and just be the unconditionally loving wife. Thank you for your response, made me feel better


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