# I have a Quetion for all you men PLZ



## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

_I'm Just going to get to the point . I am married and Husband is in the Army and he has Single female friend from work . He gets calls from her after work at times and when she calls his ton changes and he gets all giggly as if they where dating!!! Umm he gets text messages from her and deletes them so I don't ***** about it! Umm if she needs him if shes down then hes there for her asap but, NOt for me .. we are kinda on the rocks right now . I understand that married guys are aloud to have single female friends but, it seems with this one I am not happy with it makes me feel sick. they tell each other they love eachother ! as friends he says he told me yesterday that its just a joke. he even told me he liked her in the liking a girlfriends way but it wont go any further. Ummm he says he wont drop the friend ship even if im pissed ! he thinks its funny that I worry about it so much .

I read a text he wrote me his guy friend saying how I wont stop *****ing about this girl and how I think hes cheating on me and what not and he says he hasn't ! what should I do! I need all the Advice I can get.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Well, it's sounds like from his point of view, liking a girl in the liking a girlfriend way is acceptable within a marriage, as long as he doesn't cross the line and have a physical relationship with her. I wonder if he'd feel the same if you liked a guy in a boyfriend kind of way?

People have different views on flirting and friendships with the opposite sex within their marriage, some are okay with it, others are not. I personally think he is playing with fire in this friendship...running to her and giving his time/attention to her is taking the same away from you and your marriage. He is giving little regard for your feelings.


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## PENNY4URTHOUGHTS (Feb 6, 2009)

Girl get real! Men can't have plutonic relationships with women, period! They are driven by their "members" not heir minds, with that being said, I think he needs to drop her or drop him! We on the other hand are capable of having male friends with out screwing them, that's just the way it is, but remember two can play at that game. Find a hot guy friend and flaunt it. We'll see how long he puts up with it. LOL!


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Well didnt you have sex with his best friend? Hunny he is playing hard ball back at ya! Its your turn to hurt. And thats what he is shooting 4.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

sunflower said:


> Well didnt you have sex with his best friend? Hunny he is playing hard ball back at ya! Its your turn to hurt. And thats what he is shooting 4.


yah but, It's Not like I did it out of inJoyment . I am sure you had read my other post and know whats going on. And know why I did what I did. I thought My husband and I where supost to move on from this . we can't keep playing games because Of what I did . two wrongs sure don't make a right. Yah he knows that this is killing me . when is it all going to stop when is it the breaking point for him . How far does he need to go with this to get the point to me that he's hurt. I know hes in pain . thats why I have tryed to get closer and work on are marriage. o ps. how they started talking is when he was gone for work .. and found out what i had done she was there to talk to him about it when he needed to vent. so right now to him Im the wife Just nagging about NOTHING and I wont shut up about it and drop it !


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Well I agree with with you two wrongs DONT make it right at all and it sucks that men think this way. I had a little simular situation where my hubby got me back I guess you can say. He is a learn the hard way type person and well so am I. And after what he did MAN I cant tell you my thoughts I wanted to get him back all the emotions it was horrible. BUT I couldnt I am not that person. I love him to much and I knew that I did wrong. Maybe he needs a reality check you know.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

PENNY4URTHOUGHTS said:


> Girl get real! Men can't have plutonic relationships with women, period! They are driven by their "members" not heir minds, with that being said, I think he needs to drop her or drop him! We on the other hand are capable of having male friends with out screwing them, that's just the way it is, but remember two can play at that game. Find a hot guy friend and flaunt it. We'll see how long he puts up with it. LOL!


I am sure he will not be happy if I was to find a hot guy and flant it lol. like I said I don't want to play this evil game .. i love him and I fest up to what I did for a reason I couldn't handle knowing what I did to him . and now he wants to sit back and watch me hurt from what he's doing! I think Not. he leaves again on tuesday from march 3rd I am not going to call him or nothing I am going to have him come to me . I need my time and same for him . he needs to show me he cares. he needs to relize what he has. I have givin my all if not More. Like he said ... I am not going to drop her has a friend.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

swedish said:


> Well, it's sounds like from his point of view, liking a girl in the liking a girlfriend way is acceptable within a marriage, as long as he doesn't cross the line and have a physical relationship with her. I wonder if he'd feel the same if you liked a guy in a boyfriend kind of way?
> 
> People have different views on flirting and friendships with the opposite sex within their marriage, some are okay with it, others are not. I personally think he is playing with fire in this friendship...running to her and giving his time/attention to her is taking the same away from you and your marriage. He is giving little regard for your feelings.


I agree, I think if me the wife confronted him how I feel about there friendship but, he continues to be her friend even knowing how i feel about it and laugh at me for it. it's bull**** .


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

sunflower said:


> Well I agree with with you two wrongs DONT make it right at all and it sucks that men think this way. I had a little simular situation where my hubby got me back I guess you can say. He is a learn the hard way type person and well so am I. And after what he did MAN I cant tell you my thoughts I wanted to get him back all the emotions it was horrible. BUT I couldnt I am not that person. I love him to much and I knew that I did wrong. Maybe he needs a reality check you know.


But, Okay what should I do then because, you know if I do something ... I am the (***** ) of the wife then he will play the Double standard thing line.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I dont know Cause seriuosly I paid for what I did with our friends clear up unto the day I found out what he did. THEN it changed. I think that you guys need to hit up marriage counslor


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

what happen with you both if you don't mind me asking? and as far as going to a Counslor been there done that together.. but, it seems every fight we have now it goes well your the one who slept with my best friend. sooo yah and he said umm YOU can go to see a conslor. I don't need it . it's like he just wants me to deal what he wants to do and go with it cause he doesnt plan of changing it and see's no problem on whats going on . soo now I feel i am supost hold it in forever because theres no point of bringing it up cause he has a way of making me feel stupid or something . and he will say I am Just *****ing so in the end he wins. thats why I can talk on here cuz i get more suport on here then I do my Husband.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Punkie, I understand that you want to fix your marriage. 

Have you asked him if he also wants that? 

He is showing no consideration for your feelings (and they are valid because they're yours). 

If he won't change for you, or acknowledge you, maybe it's time to throw out the D word and see what his reaction is. Then resume discussions about counseling. 

You love him, you married him. He is not honoring you. Period. From his actions, I'd think that he was trying to drive you away.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Punkie, I understand that you want to fix your marriage.
> 
> Have you asked him if he also wants that?
> 
> ...


he says he see's nothing wrong in a marrige he says he see's nothing wrong. He's throw the D word Many times more out of game reasons in his eyes. he told me this weekend that on monday he had an apointment to go to get the Dovirce Papers he said he was tired of my **** and is not working and blah blah blah .. he ript some pics of us up . took his ring off. and we had a fight i cryed he showed no feeling to it and then maybe hours later we where fine. but , when we fight most of the time he says if you want to leave then leave okay you know you want too .. I say NO if I didn't want this to work then i would have left when you had broughten it up and what not . he says too .. when I ask.. do you want this to work he says get me a Qarter and ill deside . I ask why cant you be man enough to deside ? he SAYS because i Just dont care . and that at the end Just shuts me up.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

PENNY4URTHOUGHTS said:


> Girl get real! Men can't have plutonic relationships with women, period! They are driven by their "members" not heir minds, with that being said, I think he needs to drop her or drop him! We on the other hand are capable of having male friends with out screwing them, that's just the way it is, but remember two can play at that game. Find a hot guy friend and flaunt it. We'll see how long he puts up with it. LOL!



What a bunch of sexist bs. I have had many female friends, more than male friends although not as close, and have never cheated on any girl ever

draconis


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Punkie said:


> what happen with you both if you don't mind me asking? and as far as going to a Counslor been there done that together.. but, it seems every fight we have now it goes well your the one who slept with my best friend. sooo yah and he said umm YOU can go to see a conslor. I don't need it . it's like he just wants me to deal what he wants to do and go with it cause he doesnt plan of changing it and see's no problem on whats going on . soo now I feel i am supost hold it in forever because theres no point of bringing it up cause he has a way of making me feel stupid or something . and he will say I am Just *****ing so in the end he wins. thats why I can talk on here cuz i get more suport on here then I do my Husband.


It isn't right that he is trying to control you because of your mistake. He either needs to divorce you and move on, or fix the marriage, and forgive you. Him doing this is just as wrong.

draconis


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

Punkie said:


> I am sure he will not be happy if I was to find a hot guy and flant it lol. like I said I don't want to play this evil game .. i love him and I fest up to what I did for a reason I couldn't handle knowing what I did to him . and now he wants to sit back and watch me hurt from what he's doing! I think Not. he leaves again on tuesday from march 3rd I am not going to call him or nothing I am going to have him come to me . I need my time and same for him . he needs to show me he cares. he needs to relize what he has. I have givin my all if not More. Like he said ... I am not going to drop her has a friend.


listen to you...you both need professional intervention...and maybe to grow up...this **** about "i'll show him, he's gotta come to me" and him flaunting a female "friend" is such childish bull****...have you two ever had counseling?


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Um well alot of things happend with us we were VERY imature for one. And stupid it started when he was out of town I went to a bbq with my best friend and his best friend they are married. We had drank alot that night and his friend had a idea of playing strip poker me him and his wife. So after some convinsing I played well usually the game goes until the first person to get down to nothing loses game over. But for some reason we played until we were all down to nothing and me just in the undies. Then we ran around the house DONT ASK we were drunk. Then when we were all going to bed he was telling me to get in bed with them. YA UNCOMFORTABLE. so I told my husband the next day it was BAD he was sooooo upset so upset didnt take the news well at all. He was saying that was only for him and I shouldnt be getting naked with other people and if he was there it wouldnt have happend he wouldnt have been cool with that blah blah blah. Anyways we talked it throught didnt divorce over it. Well go a couple months down the road same friends at there holloween party. Her husband had a affair on her with there sister in law. and she seen him walking down the street with her that night so she was very upset. I had went home ready to pass out and my husband stayed there cause we live like 12 houses down from them. Well my husband our friend Jimmy and her were outside and she fell so jimmy our friend picked her up she bit him on the shoulder and told him to **** her he then sat her down and went inside so it was just her and my husband outside talking and he was smoking. Then outa know where she kissed him. HE kissed back and then after he was crying to Jimmy our friend. Well after that it through him into a world of confusion of how could i do that to her am I where I am supposed to be. We fought EVERDAY. over nothing to. So new years eve came around and he thought in a drunken stuper that he was going to kiss her again and see if he felt anything or nothing towards me so He asked her and convinced her to kiss him so he did they kissed he rubbed her butt and then he called her a few days later apoligized said it wasnt that he liked her that he was figuring out our marriage. blah blah blah. Then I didnt find out about all this until this holloween so almost a year later. LOVELY Its been a hard few months.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

sunflower said:


> Um well alot of things happend with us we were VERY imature for one. And stupid it started when he was out of town I went to a bbq with my best friend and his best friend they are married. We had drank alot that night and his friend had a idea of playing strip poker me him and his wife. So after some convinsing I played well usually the game goes until the first person to get down to nothing loses game over. But for some reason we played until we were all down to nothing and me just in the undies. Then we ran around the house DONT ASK we were drunk. Then when we were all going to bed he was telling me to get in bed with them. YA UNCOMFORTABLE. so I told my husband the next day it was BAD he was sooooo upset so upset didnt take the news well at all. He was saying that was only for him and I shouldnt be getting naked with other people and if he was there it wouldnt have happend he wouldnt have been cool with that blah blah blah. Anyways we talked it throught didnt divorce over it. Well go a couple months down the road same friends at there holloween party. Her husband had a affair on her with there sister in law. and she seen him walking down the street with her that night so she was very upset. I had went home ready to pass out and my husband stayed there cause we live like 12 houses down from them. Well my husband our friend Jimmy and her were outside and she fell so jimmy our friend picked her up she bit him on the shoulder and told him to **** her he then sat her down and went inside so it was just her and my husband outside talking and he was smoking. Then outa know where she kissed him. HE kissed back and then after he was crying to Jimmy our friend. Well after that it through him into a world of confusion of how could i do that to her am I where I am supposed to be. We fought EVERDAY. over nothing to. So new years eve came around and he thought in a drunken stuper that he was going to kiss her again and see if he felt anything or nothing towards me so He asked her and convinced her to kiss him so he did they kissed he rubbed her butt and then he called her a few days later apoligized said it wasnt that he liked her that he was figuring out our marriage. blah blah blah. Then I didnt find out about all this until this holloween so almost a year later. LOVELY Its been a hard few months.


Damn .. Speechless. I am so sorry Hun . I know you gotta be hurting like No other. I love how they try to give us excusses for what they did to make it right .. but, if we did it or whatever then we are the *****s and they thro the D word out there.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

voivod said:


> listen to you...you both need professional intervention...and maybe to grow up...this **** about "i'll show him, he's gotta come to me" and him flaunting a female "friend" is such childish bull****...have you two ever had counseling?


we have done the marriage counseling thing. Now he Just says if i wanna go I can go by myself.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Yup so he says that he didnt do it in revenge that he did it to figure some **** out. I dont know? Its been really really hard but I am getting better and to be honest I didnt do the best of thigs to him either.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

I forgot to add that Lastnight .. my guy friend back home in seattle called me . Right now im in Alaska Hubby is in the Army. Okay well anways so he calls. and while I am talking to him I laugh and talk about what I want to do while im in town visting . like going downtown and seeing Family and what not. mean while My Husband has been drinking ... Light weight might I add. and I had been drinking but. still there .. my Husband also had a guy friend over that was right there next to him . and he tells his friend watch my wifes going to **** HIM!! She's going to sleep with him too! and all this ****.. soo I yell and I say NOOO I am not! see you can have a single friend that you LIKE ! and text and blah blah blah and flirt and you can keep her as a friend because, I have no choice from what you tell me! and my friend from Home calls me and you hell out that Im going to **** him too???? thats bull****. so then he throws his ring off and his friend goes off to go find where he threw it and finds it mean while I am pissed cause ounce again he is double standering . O yeah he was like watch her leave home to vist and STAY there and Marry Him next!!! Omg what the hell is his issue????? 


this guy friend i have I knew since 10th grade, Ummm don't Flirt, don't tell each other we love each other.. nothing that he does and says to His FRIEND!!!


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

sunflower said:


> Yup so he says that he didnt do it in revenge that he did it to figure some **** out. I dont know? Its been really really hard but I am getting better and to be honest I didnt do the best of thigs to him either.


well sounds like if they need to figure things out they do what they need to .. to find out lol.. and we are the bad wifes if we need to figure things out lol. I am sorry I am laughin Im Just lossing hope at this point.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya thats something really hard to get over though I have the same thoughts that your hubby does when me and my hubby are out with friends like ok he did this with her who's to say he wouldnt with her or her or her you know.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

this **** is gettig to hard to deal with ... I can't even talk to him at this point about this .. he plays the Game on how to get to me and well it's like he puts me on a pause when it's needed. ERRR . he leaves on tuesday until march 3rd so Ill get a break from him which we both NEED.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya I dont know how you do it I would not play games cause seriously it will do nothing but damage and he needs to know that. If he isnt going to move on then why? Is he still friends with his bff?


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

sunflower said:


> Ya I dont know how you do it I would not play games cause seriously it will do nothing but damage and he needs to know that. If he isnt going to move on then why? Is he still friends with his bff?


he's never going to move on from this ****!!! and no they are no longer friends. thats out the window. hey I wrote another post .


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Oh ya I figure that much. I think that I was more hurt by my friend then him. I dont know guys are guys. I know that. And he ended it and she tried for a third time. PISSES ME OFF!


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

Punkie said:


> this **** is gettig to hard to deal with ... I can't even talk to him at this point about this .. he plays the Game on how to get to me and well it's like he puts me on a pause when it's needed. ERRR . he leaves on tuesday until march 3rd so Ill get a break from him which we both NEED.


You both seem to have hit a place where neither of you is getting what you want or need. Your affair played a large role in his behavior now. He may not be cheating, but his actions most certainly do not help. I think that it should be established where he is at with what you did, and if he has been able to move on. I do know that those things can take years to recover from. It's not as simple as just moving on...

On a side note, I have a friend who is in the Army. He and his wife have an open relationship. They have set up boundaries and basically they are free to sleep with whomever they choose, but as a rule it is not spoken about. I have spoken to them about this, and they have told me that it is fairly common in the military. Mostly because there is so much separation. Is that something that you are familiar with?


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

Dancing Nancie said:


> You both seem to have hit a place where neither of you is getting what you want or need. Your affair played a large role in his behavior now. He may not be cheating, but his actions most certainly do not help. I think that it should be established where he is at with what you did, and if he has been able to move on. I do know that those things can take years to recover from. It's not as simple as just moving on...
> 
> On a side note, I have a friend who is in the Army. He and his wife have an open relationship. They have set up boundaries and basically they are free to sleep with whomever they choose, but as a rule it is not spoken about. I have spoken to them about this, and they have told me that it is fairly common in the military. Mostly because there is so much separation. Is that something that you are familiar with?




well I know some people in the milatry that are like that but, that is not me indeed. as far as separation goes .. hes never deployed or anything sooo for him to get close to this girl is bull I dont care I am pouring my heart out to him only for him to stomp on it????


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

Punkie said:


> well I know some people in the milatry that are like that but, that is not me indeed. as far as separation goes .. hes never deployed or anything sooo for him to get close to this girl is bull I dont care I am pouring my heart out to him only for him to stomp on it????


Have you asked him if he has recovered from your affair?


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya I dont think that he has gotton over that I think that he is really really not letting go.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Punkie said:


> Damn .. Speechless. I am so sorry Hun . I know you gotta be hurting like No other. I love how they try to give us excusses for what they did to make it right .. but, if we did it or whatever then we are the *****s and they thro the D word out there.


Why are you speachless over me or him lol....


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

sunflower said:


> Ya I dont think that he has gotton over that I think that he is really really not letting go.


This is what I suspect as well.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

Dancing Nancie said:


> Have you asked him if he has recovered from your affair?


he says he's over it but, u know thats a lie


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## jasonus03 (Jan 14, 2009)

So he's deleting text messages? I bet he also carries his phone everywhere he goes too. You also said he is telling this girl he loves her and that one of his messages to a friend said he can't stop thinking about her. I don't know how much more obvious it can be. All this coupled with him being very hostile toward you. Doesn't look good from my point of view. 

I'm going through a rough situation also, my fiance kissed another man while I was gone with the military. I've never cheated on her one time or even came close to having physical contact with another woman. I am guilty of a bit of neglect though. So now we're both having to come to terms with our wrong doings. It's hard, but we're working on it and I'm still not sure how it's going to work out. 

If you really love this man you should try to sit him down and talk. You need to stay civil and not raise your voice or show any anger. Even if he gets irrate, you need to stay calm. Let him know this isn't just another typical arguement. Let him know it's serious and that your relationship depends on it. 

He obviously has resentment towards you for cheating on him. Maybe this is his way of getting revenge. You hurt him and betrayed his trust. Now he's doing the same to you. 

I'm not sure if you two can work this out, especially if he already went too far with this other woman. It's going to be very hard, if not impossible, to restore the trust in the relationship if that's the case. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just honest. If you two truely are meant to be together you will find a calm and civil way to work this out. Argueing never solves anything, communication does.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya the back and forth game is disasturous however you spell that lol. But our good friends played that game and well still are playing it thats how me and my husband got tangled in there web. Not a good game to play.


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