# Help - really low sex drive



## Anigroeg (May 15, 2011)

I've been married for 5 years but ever since we had a daughter 4 years ago sex has been on average once a month. Previously it would have been about once a day. My sex drive is zilch and it's driving my husband away. He can't be bothered to initiate it any more and has given up on himself meaning he's put on loads of weight, doesn't bother with personal hygiene which makes it even harder for me to feel attracted. He works away in the week but when he comes back at weekends he tends to sleep in the spare room even though he knows that it hurts me a lot. He won't talk about it and it's just like a permanent sulk.

A lot of our problems started when I got postnatal depression. All I wanted was an emotional connection and not a physical one. He interpeted this as personal rejection and bcame angry about it. 

We've been driven apart by this and I feel undesirable, old, and useless and my self-confidence has dropped significantly. I can now feel the depression setting in again so I will have to start treatment again because of all this. He now doesn't bother with valentines day or wedding aniverseries even though I do. I love him very much but I get the feeling that he only married me as a rebound from his first marriage and he confused lust with love. 

ANy advice anyone?


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## greendog (May 15, 2011)

It sounds similar to my story, except i'm the guy! we have been married 6 years, two kids 4 and 3. there was no post natal depression, she has naturally a low libido has communicated that she wouldnt care if she never had sex again.
we are a christian couple and didnt have sex until we were married. we werent always christian and I was happy that we didnt have sex to begin with because all my previous relationships were built on lust not love.
I love my wife to bits, but it is incredibly hard not to resent her and behave in a way that your husband is, though i have slept in the spare bed a few times. It is tempting to get more involved with work and hobbies, I have God as my help...and he helps.
my wife isnt walking close to God at the moment. I can tell when she is as she becomes more giving, especially affectionate.

My advice is to GIVE, dispel the myth that it's only lust - its not! people have different love languages if he is like me it's physical. any kind of touching, backrubs, kisses etc. also words, complements.

GIVE even though it's hard, you may not be in the mood. depression is a killer - I have been there. CHOOSE to think of good, positive things about your husband stir up the love you have for him. it will get easier as you excercise it more. 

I believe as you do this you will see a change and you'll be able to talk more freely able to forgive each other and have a deeper emotional connection.

also I have heard that low libido can be a hormonal imbalance and your doctor or naturpath should be able to help.

I hope this helps. God bless


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I also have a very low sex drive, but have made a concerted decision to participate and initiate lovemaking with my DH as often as possible. So, even though I may not think about it all the time, we still have a satisfying physical relationship. But a key point is that my DH accepts that I have a much lower drive, he understands my underlying love and respect for him and does not take my lower drive as a personal affront on him, and he really takes the time to make it good for me.

However, it sounds like both you and your husband should first be evaluated and possibly treated for your depression. Have you ever considered going to marriage counseling together so that you could talk through your issues with an objective third-party, or if your husband doesn't want to go with you, to go to individual counseling so you could determine the best way to work through your situation?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've got to say that unless the entire population is mentally ill and medically broken, which is unlikely, it's probable that in this day and age, sex is gone. People aren't having it, don't want, can't fix it and wouldn't want to if they could. My only suggestion is give up give in accept it. The harder you struggle the more you choke.


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## Anigroeg (May 15, 2011)

Thank you all for your comments and advice. They are very useful and I can now go aay and try and think about this one objectively.


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## kel1396 (May 28, 2011)

hey guys i am feeling pretty lost at mo to i have no sex drive at all  i have been with my hubby since i was 15 been married for 10 years now together for 14 we have 3 wonderful children together but the problem is me !! i love him so much i really do but i have no time or day for sex and its really upsetting him he gets moody and has hardly spoke to me for a few days and we are normally close but now we have drifted so far apart all because of me  i dont feel sexy anymore as i have put on a lil weight which i know he doesnt like i do feel very low about myself in many ways. i think about having sex with him but when we try i clam up and say no and i switch off very easily. i feel very lost and just need to talk to some one who is going through this to.


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## chingchang (Sep 21, 2010)

Anigroeg said:


> I've been married for 5 years but ever since we had a daughter 4 years ago sex has been on average once a month. Previously it would have been about once a day. My sex drive is zilch and it's driving my husband away. He can't be bothered to initiate it any more and has given up on himself meaning he's put on loads of weight, doesn't bother with personal hygiene which makes it even harder for me to feel attracted. He works away in the week but when he comes back at weekends he tends to sleep in the spare room even though he knows that it hurts me a lot. He won't talk about it and it's just like a permanent sulk.
> 
> A lot of our problems started when I got postnatal depression. All I wanted was an emotional connection and not a physical one. He interpeted this as personal rejection and bcame angry about it.
> 
> ...



Woah. You need marriage counseling pronto! You can do a few things though...in the mean-time...for yourself. A few questions first:

1. Are you on BC pills?
2. Are you on anti-depressants?
3. Do you get adequate sleep?
4. Do you exercise regularly?

Chin-up!
CC


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