# struggling to save it for a year! i feel crazy...help me!



## kryslyon (Jun 5, 2011)

Hi! Im going to sum this up as short as possible!

Iv been married for 8 years...11 months ago my husband left for good reasons. our marriage had turned sour in the end. I was a SAHM the whole time so when he left i did not have a car or job. after 3 months I moved 2 states away to try and start over. i fell on my face! I let him have the kids because i could not fonancially or emotionally do it.

from oct-march...i left reality. I had no husband or kids and i got caught up in drugs and heavy drinking waiting on divorce papers. they never came! I woke up one day and decided I couldnt throw this away. I had to fix myself and my marriage. i decided to move back. I did a 180 with myself and my life. I currently have a job and see my kids often.

He swore through the first 8 months he hated me. did not love me. was not inlove and did not hurt or miss me he said. he also said he would be filing as soon as he could afford it and once i moved back we would not be speaking or seeing the other. within 4 days of moving back...we got back together. 

Now "back together" meant we still did not live together but we were seeing each other. dating. having sex and family time also. FINALLY my world made sense again. i did it! and then it came crashing down. over the past 2 months he has said he loved me and wanted this...then ended it all abruptly 4 TIMES! Im so hurt. every time I get to a good place with him he pulls out and crushes me.

This is what he says.... he cant forget the past and all the bad we went through. hes too scared we will go right back to being stupid and miserable. he likes his life now its quiet and stress free. he loves me but after almost a year its not the same. he said if I would have been this commited and driven from the beggining we wouldnt be here now. 

I just cant let it go! I know hes in love with me. Iv proved myself and my changes for the better. i cry everyday. i have for close to a year. neither of us are or have been dating or sleeping with anyone else sense early feb. we both tried it...it wasnt time. it felt wrong! so heres what i need to know...

1. What can i do? i call and text and cry and beg...he says he feels smothered and i seem obssessive...but im scared if i back off hel let go completely.
2. If I cant save this...how long do I hold on? Its been almost a year and Im still crazy in love and dieing inside. im so sick of this pain!
3. If he is so sure about this why hasnt he filed for divorce yet? and what if he does? then what?!
4. I just need HELP. tips and support from others who have been here. 

Im not ready to give up yet but i feel like I cant make him want it. 8 yrs 3 kids and 3 tours to iraq...theres so much left to save!


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## angelstarnash8567 (Jun 3, 2011)

I am in the same boat some what. My husband in the military he been 2 tours to iraq. I dont know what to say for your situation. I dont know your religion. You need to pray to God really hard. I am here if you need someone to talk to.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Stop bothering him. Seriously, the more you cry and beg the more unattractive you appear. Think about it, do you want him to come back because he loves you or because he feels guilty? 

I suggest you get some counseling for yourself, and to read Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner Davis.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I hate to say it, and hope I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like he's in it for the sex. Based upon what he told you about not talking or seeing you when you returned, hating you, and not loving you; then getting back together with you within four days??...that kind of tells me he just wanted to get in bed with you after you returned. Now that he's had you a few times he's "full" and probably thinking he can do better.

This is definitely a tough one. I hope I'm wrong and it works out for you.


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## kryslyon (Jun 5, 2011)

no...throughout the past 2 months sex has been few and far between. He said all that crap when i was out of state because it was easier for him to push me away. now that im face to face whith him on a weekly basis...he cant lie or hide his feelings. now he doesnt say all the horrible stuff at all. he stands firm to loving me but he thinks it can never be good. that we cant fix it. and when it has been good he gets freaked out and thinks its just a honeymoon phase and ends it again. its very confusing! I can lay on the couch with my husband of 8 years and stare into the others eyes and be in total bliss with the other...and when i go home and dont actually see him for a few days...it falls apart. he said when hes around me and with me and the kids that he is happy and everything feels great but the second i leave he starts thinking and the doubts kick in. he basicly said hes tired of battling himself...that if it was right it wouldnt be this hard.


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## kryslyon (Jun 5, 2011)

oh and i start counceling next tuesday. I need it for sure! i feel permanently crazy. A year of losing my family struggling with drug addiction moving states moving back busting my ass and losing it all again....yeah its tough. its tough to not want drugs to make me numb too. but THAT i have stood strong with for 3 months now. i love who iv become. i wouldnt take back ANY of the life lessons we have learned through this but i want to implicate them into my marriage and show him how this can be ok and different


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