# Women's Turn Ons? Opinions Wanted



## Lovemywife83 (Feb 15, 2016)

First let me say this is my first post even though I have been reading here for weeks. I have been happily married to the love of my life and best friend for 23 years. I outkicked the coverage when marrying and have a very attractive wife. I know most say that but this is for real...LOL. Actually my wife is a Miss State. I leave the state blank so hopefully it can't be tied together. We all know how some people are. I honestly think my wife looks better now than she did win she won the pageant. 
Now that I introduced myself I want to ask all of you (women & men) what it is that adds that extra spark to your sex life. What do you do to insure that both of you are ready to at first chance? 

We enjoy several different things but haven't and won't get in to any of the wilder things such as swinging. The wild side for us is for her to wear a sexy dress thats a little low cut or a little short. If I'm extremely lucky it will be a dress that is made for no bra. After a night of her looking steaming hot and turning heads both of us are ready for some great sex. I will then replay in my own words the looks she got. Any woman wants to hear they are hot. Even if they are confident they are hot it still pays to tell them. 

#2. How many of you believe the poll research that about 70% of women fantasize about having sex with another woman or at least swapping touches with another woman? They may or may not ever act on it. My wife falls in to the category of those that may think about it but will never act on it. We are very vague but at times talk around the subject and it doesn't take long for her to be ready.

So I said all the above to ask two questions... What works and spices up your sex life

Do you believe the 70%? Also want to add this:
MEN..... Are you turned on by thinking of your wife or girlfriend playing around with another attractive woman? Not a long term relationship just a day or night of playing around?

WOMEN.... Does the thought of playing around with an attractive woman turn you on? Again we aren't talking about a long term relationship just some playing

Thanks in advance


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

intheory said:


> I am a heterosexual woman.
> 
> Playing around (sexually) with any woman, attractive or otherwise, does not turn me on. It would make no difference whether or not it was "casual" or a "relationship"
> 
> You're welcome.


Ditto


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

MEN..... Are you turned on by thinking of your wife or girlfriend playing around with another attractive woman? Not a long term relationship just a day or night of playing around?

No homosexuality does not turn me on and neither does cheating.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Thound said:


> MEN..... Are you turned on by thinking of your wife or girlfriend playing around with another attractive woman? Not a long term relationship just a day or night of playing around?
> 
> No homosexuality does not turn me on and neither does cheating.


I think the amount of men who would be okay with this is probably about on par with the amount of women who would be, TBH. The trick is pairing the two together!

Never advisable to try new things like this well into a relationship or marriage, though, IMO. They rarely work out as planned.

Besides, this sounds a little bit too much like somebody has a fantasy and is testing the waters to see what others think about this sort of thing...


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

intheory said:


> I am a heterosexual woman.
> 
> Playing around (sexually) with any woman, attractive or otherwise, does not turn me on. It would make no difference whether or not it was "casual" or a "relationship"
> 
> You're welcome.


intheory hit the nail on the head for me, couldn't have said it better. Asked my hubby, as he is leaving late today, and wish I had a camera ready. His face screwed up like he sucked on a lemon and just said "the only hands I ever want on you are mine".


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

intheory said:


> I am a heterosexual woman.
> 
> Playing around (sexually) with any woman, attractive or otherwise, does not turn me on. It would make no difference whether or not it was "casual" or a "relationship"
> 
> You're welcome.


:iagree:


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

My wife cheating (regardless of with who) is in no way a turn on. My wife walking around with one of my shirts on and nothing else ... have mercy :grin2:


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## Lovemywife83 (Feb 15, 2016)

Apparently I missed on the delivery of what I was trying to ask.:grin2:


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## Lovemywife83 (Feb 15, 2016)

peacem said:


> Yes its a turn on and I think its a fairly common fantasy. However it may be a responsive turn on to our partners fantasies. I think you are alluding to the idea of swinging. This is a completely different ball game which wouldn't interested me at all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I have no interest at all in swinging. Neither of us would ever consider that.


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## Lovemywife83 (Feb 15, 2016)

A couple of you have acted as if I'm crazy for even asking this question but you can read for yourself that many studies and surveys have been done with a very consistent result of between 65 & 70% of women that have at least at one time had that fantasy. When it came down to it I'm sure I would view it differently and end up jealous. I know for fact my wife wouldn't act on it but do think its one of those things that could cross her mind.

There were a couple of strong replies to my post and if life has taught me anything it has taught me that people who are over board against something are usually struggling with that issue so I wish you luck. Its a fantasy not something you have to act on


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lovemywife83 said:


> There were a couple of strong replies to my post and if life has taught me anything it has taught me that people who are over board against something are usually struggling with that issue so I wish you luck. Its a fantasy not something you have to act on


I don't see people stating they don't fantasize about the SO with someone else as a strong reply, just giving their opinions. It sounds like you expect everyone to come in here and agree with you


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I think the OP was saying that he wasn't into swinging. I think he was asking if this is a common fantasy for both men and women. It's not like it is going to be acted upon by them.

I honestly don't think it's an uncommon fantasy at all. The 70%? It depends on who was asked in the poll, and what the poll question was. Women are more fluid sexually, and it's not uncommon for a woman to be attracted to another woman in that way, but most women would never act on it. I read an article a while back that said that only around 46% have, or ever would act on that attraction.

Yes, if kept on a fantasy level only, I think the percentage could be close to that level for men, but probably somewhat lower for women.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Been married 24 years.
Here are a couple things that have "spiced" up our sex life.

1. Viagra. This is important because as we all know, if you want to do a job right you need the right tools. This insures you have the right TOOL 

2. Confidence. Whatever you do in bed, do it with confidence. Women dig confidence and abhor weakness. Even if you fail, fail with confidence.

3. Variety. It's not like you have to do it in a different place every time. Just mix it up a little. Don't do the same friggen thing over and over again. Each time try to do ONE thing you have never done before.

4. Passion. When you make love to your wife, do it with PASSION. Devour her like it's the first and last time, every time.

5. Be nice. This is probably the most important one because it must happen between sexual encounters. If you want to get laid well and often be friggen nice to your wife ALWAYS. Consider her opinion with weight, listen to her, be kind to her and help her.

6. Take care of yourself. No women wants to bang a fat couch potato. Be a groomed man with a plan.

7. Be patient. Rome was not built in a day. Faithful sexual dynamos take time to be built. One step at a time.

8. Build up your wife. After sex, tell her how hot she is. Tell her how she is the most beautiful, sexiest women on the planet and she's all yours. Tell her that you kiss the ground every day because she is the women you get to spend the rest of your life with. Say this enough and it WILL be your reality.

9. Look into her eyes. At some point during your love making process, preferably when your women is at the precipice of orgasm, look into her eyes and own her. Show her with your eyes that she is your woman and that you have become one with her.

Then have your orgasm. 

Enjoy.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UMP said:


> Been married 24 years.
> Here are a couple things that have "spiced" up our sex life.
> 
> 1. Viagra. This is important because as we all know, if you want to do a job right you need the right tools. This insures you have the right TOOL
> ...


I would say just about all of these should apply to both people in the relationship, not just guy specific (except the Viagra if you need that of course lol)


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> My wife cheating (regardless of with who) is in no way a turn on. *My wife walking around with one of my shirts on and nothing else ... have mercy* :grin2:


*Ellis ~ why you lucky devil!!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> I would say just about all of these should apply to both people in the relationship, not just guy specific (except the Viagra if you need that of course lol)


I agree. However, be the leader. LEAD her to this and then maintain it. IMO if the sex is sour it's time for the man to lead both of you to something better.

I am of the opinion that 9 times out of 10, if the sex sucks, it's the mans fault. It's a double edged sword though. If it's the mans fault it's also the man who has the ability to fix it.

Women do not like followers, yet leaders get them moist.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lovemywife83 said:


> Do you believe the 70%? Also want to add this:
> MEN..... Are you turned on by thinking of your wife or girlfriend playing around with another attractive woman? Not a long term relationship just a day or night of playing around?


REGARDING 70%

I believe we live in a society where female sexuality is commoditized and that women likely feel that in order to survive that they should just do whatever it takes to make the ones they love happy. How much of the 70% is just women who are willing to try anything in order to please a mate versus it being something that they sincerely want for themselves? We as a society are too freaking stupid to ever really know. 

Scientifically speaking, female sexuality is defined as much more "fluid" than men. 

REGARDING MEN BEING TURNED ON BY IT?

I find the idea of a women doing anything because it is something "she wants" to be a turn on. If she is willing to push her boundaries in order to please me, while that also turns me on, it also elicits a strong sense of responsibility in me to protect her from any harm. 

In an interesting blog I've read about a couple that has an long standing open marriage and the husband is wildly turned on by his wife's insatiability to do threesomes, of the decade that this blog spans she recently admitted that her main desire in life was for her husband be satisfied with just her. She ventured into an open marriage for him and learned to enjoy it for him. Has any harm come to this couple? That is not the point, but is shows how far a woman is willing to push herself in order to please the one she loves. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

badsanta said:


> REGARDING 70%
> 
> I believe we live in a society where female sexuality is commoditized and that women likely feel that in order to survive that they should just do whatever makes the ones they love happy. How much of the 70% is just women who are willing to try anything in order to please a mate versus it being something that they sincerely want for themselves? We as a society are too freaking stupid to ever really know.
> 
> ...


Very interesting and probably true. However, if this is the case, why are there so many husbands with wives that are not into sex on TAM? These particular women don't seem to be trying that hard.

If what you are saying is indeed true, it would behoove the man to get with the program and end whatever it is that's putting a wedge between her strong urge to please him. Unless of course she does not "love" him.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UMP said:


> Very interesting and probably true. However, if this is the case, *why are there so many husbands with wives that are not into sex on TAM?*


Because at some point her husband (or childhood abuse or something problematic) pushed her beyond her boundaries and hurt her. 

Some women are fierce enough to get hurt, stand back up, and keep getting hurt over and over in order to make someone they love happy. But not all women are strong enough to do that. Not all women earn the respect and recognition for doing so that makes it worth her sacrifice.

Love is not inherently something that sacrifices, but under certain circumstances love will sacrifice everything. This is why a father might instinctively jump in front of a moving bus in order to "protect" a child. 

Is sex a "sacrifice" for women? It shouldn't be, and a loving husband will care for her and make sure she feels loved, "protected" and respected. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UMP said:


> Very interesting and probably true. However, if this is the case, why are there so many husbands with wives that are not into sex on TAM? These particular women don't seem to be trying that hard.


It depends, many complaints I have read of here are usually about a SO basically doing a 180 in regards to sex at some point in the relationship


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I think 20% of women answer 70% of the surveys 100% of the time. Back of the envelope I'd say most women would cheat with a man before kissing another woman. Women don't even LIKE one another you think they'll have sex?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> It depends, many complaints I have read of here are usually about a SO basically doing a 180 in regards to sex at some point in the relationship


Of course.
The real question is why.
In my relationship it was my own fault my wife did the 180.
I guess my main point is that if there is a problem, instead of looking to fix your SO, fix yourself first. 

9 times out of 10 it's not the twig that's in your SO's eye, it's the log that's in your own.

Problem is, nobody likes hearing that.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UMP said:


> Of course.
> The real question is why.
> In my relationship it was my own fault my wife did the 180.
> I guess my main point is that if there is a problem, instead of looking to fix your SO, fix yourself first.
> ...


Oh I agree about fixing your side first. However, I think the 9 out of 10 is a bit optimistic as there are people who at the end of the day are just not quite compatible with each other for one reason or the other.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Lovemywife83 said:


> WOMEN.... Does the thought of playing around with an attractive woman turn you on? Again we aren't talking about a long term relationship just some playing
> 
> Thanks in advance


Nope. Never even crossed my mind.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

In all these surveys it helps to understand the data for yourself vs how the media portrays it in headlines.

For example.. http://scholarworks.boisestate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1018&context=psych_facpubs 

This is a study done of mostly college age girls. They were questioned about sexual identity, orientation and both opposite gender and same gender sexual experiences. 

The headlines that made the media after the study were "60% of women are inherently bi-sexual". However if you actually read and understand the study it never comes to that conclusion. This is akin to asking if a women has ever experimented or considered experimenting sexually with the opposite sex. Drawing the conclusion that this means 60% of all women are bi-sexual is distorting the study into a headline.

-----------------------------------------

How to keep things hot in the bedroom? Easy, communicate with each other and be honest about all things. Yep, you want to know how to turn her on, ask her, then shut up and listen, really listen. If you cultivate an atmosphere of trust and honesty, you should be able to share any fantasy. You can discuss how that would play out in real life, and probably both conclude many are best to stay a fantasy. But you can still talk about it, get in the mood, or even find a some porn that plays it out for you.

If it's a fantasy you both share, lucky you.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I dont want to have sex with another women ever. Think that survey has political leanings.


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## Lovemywife83 (Feb 15, 2016)

Luvher4life said:


> I think the OP was saying that he wasn't into swinging. I think he was asking if this is a common fantasy for both men and women. It's not like it is going to be acted upon by them.
> 
> I honestly don't think it's an uncommon fantasy at all. The 70%? It depends on who was asked in the poll, and what the poll question was. Women are more fluid sexually, and it's not uncommon for a woman to be attracted to another woman in that way, but most women would never act on it. I read an article a while back that said that only around 46% have, or ever would act on that attraction.
> 
> Yes, if kept on a fantasy level only, I think the percentage could be close to that level for men, but probably somewhat lower for women.


Thank you. You hit the nail on the head exactly. Neither of us have ever even thought about swinging. It was as you said a question concerning if it was common


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## Lovemywife83 (Feb 15, 2016)

UMP said:


> Been married 24 years.
> Here are a couple things that have "spiced" up our sex life.
> 
> 1. Viagra. This is important because as we all know, if you want to do a job right you need the right tools. This insures you have the right TOOL
> ...


GREAT post and glad you got the question


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am in the 30%... I am completely turned off by being with another woman, her beauty means nothing.... if I see it in porn.. I FW or skip immediately, even seeing 2 women kiss







... Give me a MAN please ...I've thought about this.. why wouldn't these women want to FEEL the real thing -- just not something I understand.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am in the 30%... I am completely turned off by being with another woman, her beauty means nothing.... if I see it in porn.. I FW or skip immediately, even seeing 2 women kiss
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I think many here can all agree that the 70% number is not even remotely accurate. You should ask my wife my reaction any time two dudes kiss on tv lol.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

EllisRedding said:


> I think many here can all agree that the 70% number is not even remotely accurate. You should ask my wife my reaction any time two dudes kiss on tv lol.


I have watched a few Homosexual movies... my husband WON'T... he is very turned off by it too, he doesn't want to see the man in porn.. His flavor is "solo women".. .. 

He can't understand what a woman would get out of giving a BJ....and likewise.. I think to myself.. "OMG how can you stand doing down THERE!".... 

It's kinda funny.. but it's also very cool - we are REALLY into the opposite gender ...nothing wrong with that !


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have watched a few Homosexual movies... my husband WON'T... he is very turned off by it too, he doesn't want to see the man in porn.. His flavor is "solo women".. ..
> 
> He can't understand what a woman would get out of giving a BJ....and likewise.. I think to myself.. "OMG how can you stand doing down THERE!"....
> 
> It's kinda funny.. but it's also very cool - we are REALLY into the opposite gender ...nothing wrong with that !


For whatever reason the tv shows my wife likes seems to always have a gay (guy) couple in it. Funny how none of my tv shows have lesbians lol.


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## Lovemywife83 (Feb 15, 2016)

Acoa said:


> In all these surveys it helps to understand the data for yourself vs how the media portrays it in headlines.
> 
> For example.. http://scholarworks.boisestate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1018&context=psych_facpubs
> 
> ...


Thank you. You get it. This is what I'm talking about. I have several fantasies but wouldn't even attempt to play them out in the real world and I have to say they are all very tame when I look at what others say. 
Give me your opinion on this. We have trust and I tell her many things. By her reaction and the normal reaction of her body she enjoys hearing these things but my wife is conservative and bashful therefore rarely if ever tells me anything. There is no doubt in my mind she knows that I'm with her and will get excited over anything that excites her. I just want her to be open with me and tell me these things. As we both said fantasies are in their own world with us and she knows that.
Any hints or tips on getting her to open up as to what cranks her motor?


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## Lovemywife83 (Feb 15, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> I think many here can all agree that the 70% number is not even remotely accurate. You should ask my wife my reaction any time two dudes kiss on tv lol.


The 70% is women only. I have a sick feeling when I see two guys doing anything if they are gay. Men are viewed totally different than women when it comes to this. With that said I also think the 70% is high but would still guess it to be over 50%. We aren't talking about a full blown lesbian. The question is if they have ever thought about or wanted to make out - have sexual contact with another woman


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lovemywife83 said:


> The 70% is women only. I have a sick feeling when I see two guys doing anything if they are gay. Men are viewed totally different than women when it comes to this. With that said I also think the 70% is high but would still guess it to be over 50%. We aren't talking about a full blown lesbian. The question is if they have ever thought about or wanted to make out - have sexual contact with another woman


Curious though, why do you think over 50% of all women have sexual thoughts about another woman?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Lovemywife83 said:


> I just want her to be open with me and tell me these things. As we both said fantasies are in their own world with us and she knows that.
> Any hints or tips on getting her to open up as to what cranks her motor?


If she trusts that you are open and accepting, then she probably already has shared. Some folks are just not that kinky. What cranks her motor could simply be seeing you get all worked up over her. It could be that simple and you are trying to make it complicated. This could lead her to feeling like she needs to make something up to satisfy you. 

Best thing to do is ask her, then listen. Look up active listening, learn it, love it.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> Curious though, why do you think over 50% of all women have sexual thoughts about another woman?


He is reading into the media hype. 

I think the reality is more like 50% of women at one time or another in their life have thought about what it would be like with another woman at least once. 

That's not the same as 50% of all women actively fantasize about being with another woman. The media portrays the study results this way, but that is an inaccurate conclusion.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Lovemywife83 said:


> Any hints or tips on getting her to open up as to what cranks her motor?


I once asked my wife if she had any sexual fantasies. Her answer was "no, I have NO fantasies."

What to do ??

Instead of looking at your wife like a closed book, look at her like a wide open canvas that you can paint the way you like.

CREATE a fantasy for her. Become her fantasy.

Years after my wife made this statement to me about having "no fantasies" we had some wonderful sex one night and I told her how great she was at it.
Her reply was "you taught me all I know."


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lovemywife83 said:


> A couple of you have acted as if I'm crazy for even asking this question but you can read for yourself that many studies and surveys have been done with a very consistent result of between 65 & 70% of women that have at least at one time had that fantasy. When it came down to it I'm sure I would view it differently and end up jealous. I know for fact my wife wouldn't act on it but do think its one of those things that could cross her mind.
> 
> There were a couple of strong replies to my post and if life has taught me anything it has taught me that people who are over board against something are usually struggling with that issue so I wish you luck. Its a fantasy not something you have to act on


Hahaha! Ok, first, I am extremely hard against certain behaviors and it in no way means I am struggling with them.

Second, Mrs. Conan could probably do some light flirting and touching with clothes on, no kissing, maybe dancing.

Third, I actually get a little hot when I have seen it or think about it.

Four, I never fantasize about her having sex with anyone but me and she is the same.

Five, I doubt the 70% statistic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

My wife has no interest in other women. The thought is a big turnoff for her. As for me, the thought of two women together is hot, but not the thought of my wife as one of them.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Yes, it's always been a fantasy in my mind that I think of during sex and when I play, alone - having a woman touch me to orgasm. (but I don't return the favor, it's a very one sided fantasy lol) Even more so, a recurring fantasy in my mind is of my fiance having sex with women, and me watching. Not participating, just watching.


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Yes, it's always been a fantasy in my mind that I think of during sex and when I play, alone - having a woman touch me to orgasm. (but I don't return the favor, it's a very one sided fantasy lol) Even more so, a recurring fantasy in my mind is of my fiance having sex with women, and me watching. Not participating, just watching.


Curiously why is the second one a fantasy? Wouldn't you feel left out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Kilgoretrout said:


> Curiously why is the second one a fantasy? Wouldn't you feel left out?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes, the feeling of being ''left out'', excites me.  But, of course...these things are better left in fantasy.  lol


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Sometimes, the feeling of being ''left out'', excites me.  But, of course...these things are better left in fantasy.  lol


Agreed. I guess I fantasize about wife and i having sex on a beach and getting caught.

Or having another two inches.

Or both.

Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Kilgoretrout said:


> Agreed. I guess I fantasize about wife and i having sex on a beach and getting caught.
> 
> Or having another two inches.
> 
> ...


lol 

Interestingly, I'm never in my own fantasies...my fiance is always with another woman, and not me, in my fantasies.  Think this stems from my fear of commitment issues that I had before we got engaged. Most of the time, when we have sex, I'm thinking about him with another woman, and it's crazy hot in my mind. But, again, this is probably best left as a fantasy. lol


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> lol
> 
> Interestingly, I'm never in my own fantasies...my fiance is always with another woman, and not me, in my fantasies.  Think this stems from my fear of commitment issues that I had before we got engaged. Most of the time, when we have sex, I'm thinking about him with another woman, and it's crazy hot in my mind. But, again, this is probably best left as a fantasy. lol


Right. Best left in fantasy. My guess - that goes away once you get married.

He should give me an inch!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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