# Separating Finances?



## ForTheKids (Oct 28, 2013)

Can someone help me figure this out or brainstorm a bit?

As posted earlier - I filed for divorce last week. In order to protect my finances and make sure I would be able to provide for the kids once I told STBX about the divorce - I opened a new account with my name only and moved half of our savings to that account and transferred ALL of the bills to that account, except daycare. 

STBX is unpredictable in his constant threats - I served him custody papers a year ago because he was threatening to leave the state with our then 4 year old. He backed off on that threat after consulting a lawyer. All because I was asking for a separation. 

He is also very vindictive and vengeful. I wasn't taking any chances. 

I do 95% of the finances. He never even checks the banking. (very annoying). I make 80% of our income...he works 28hrs/week making well below what he should for holding an MBA in his field. 

He won't leave. However, I need to do what I need to do and continue creating separation wherever I can. 

I will pay all the bills - he makes about $250 more/month than our daycare bill. He has a couple CC bills that he pays every month. I don't even have access to those accounts. 

I pay his cell phone (joint account with mine), his auto insurance and of course health/dental/life thru my work). I am paying 100% of the groceries, utilities, mortgage etc. 

I am thinking of telling him that I will continue to pay all of that but he needs to pay the daycare bill and that leaves him $250/mo on his bills and misc. Really not much. But heck - I don't have anything much leftover either. I will also transfer to his account (our joint account that I no longer use) a bit of $ every month to cover misc things that he buys for the house (salt for water softener, etc...)

I feel like he lives here and refuses to leave - he SHOULD be paying at least the daycare bill. I am paying everything else! 

Is this reasonable? Is it OK for me to do this? Am I missing something? Obviously - if he refuses to pay the daycare bill then I have to pay it. Nothing I can do about that. But then I think I have a leg to stand on in court or on paper to show he isn't contributing anything. 

Also - everything acquired from the date of separation is no longer considered joint, correct - including if he racks up more debt? 

Anything else I should be doing in the finance world to make this separation more clear?


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

You should consult your lawyer because every state is a bit different. Separation does not end community debit in some state so you really need to understand the family law in your state. 

I am pretty sure that your husband can ask for support; therefore, you need to protect yourself as much as possible. I been asking a lot of legal advise through Avvo. Sometimes I get good answer...other times just so so. But at least it gives me some peace when questions comes up in the middle of the night.


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## Digitalheyzoos (Oct 29, 2013)

If you make that much more than him you are going to pay regardless of what state you are in I believe. You can talk to your attorney about having a prior date placed in the settlement agreement which would then relieve you of any further debts acquired after that date, but that only holds if he agrees to it, or you can afford to pay your attorney enough to fight that in court. Unfortunately, the higher wage earner typically ends up paying the other. Be wary of drawn-out divorce proceedings that involves attorneys on both sides, because if you do earn quite a bit more, you could end up paying for his attorney fees as well or at least a portion.

And in a divorce it probably will not matter how much of the household expenses you are paying now. What will be important is the ratio of contribution to the family and the best interest of the children. What should be important to you is proving that you being the primary caretaker is in the best interest of the children. If that is truly the case then aim for that. If not, try to make it amicable and aim for allowing him the means financially to be able to care for your children and allow for a smooth transition into separate homes.


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## ForTheKids (Oct 28, 2013)

Thanks for the responses. 
I am not too concerned about long term finances. My lawyer said - there is no way he will get alimony because they base it off of income potential. He used to make a lot more money than he is now and he is more highly degreed than I am. However - he would be entitled to alimony pendente lite. That is alimony while the divorce is pending. But my understanding is that he can't file for that as long as we are still living together and i am paying all the bills. 

so - if he wants APL, he needs to move out. I need to confirm that with my attorney but pretty sure that is true. i can't imagine paying him to live in our house and do nothing. 

he is NOT in the best interest of our kids. he is an OK dad but doesn't do any of the responsible stuff - homework, docs, shopping, carpooling etc. And of course the complete breakdown between him and our 13yo daughter. 

I am asking for 50% custody of our 5 yo and 100% custody (joint legal) of our 13 yo. She wants nothing to do with her dad and neither of us would force her to spend time with him. Lawyer said given their relationship and the 8 year difference between siblings it is not an unreasonable request. At that point - I have more than 50% custody and wouldn't have to pay him much by way of child support. If any. Again - they factor income potential into the equation. 

the point is he COULD be making a lot more money. 

My big issues right now are separating finances while we are still living in the same house. 

He doesn't really have any grounds to fight this in court. He wouldn't be entitled to more than 50% of anything and I am already saying - here take it! Just go! His only recourse is to delay delay delay.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

you do need to be careful with the income potential position, even if he is has a degree, has ever worked in the field of his degree and did he ever make the income potential in the past. In my state, they look at income potential as part of alimony, my stbx has a higher degree that I do but never worked in the field, never had any true experience in that area and worked different jobs that were lower paying so they look at only what she has made in the past and base off that rather than potential because after this much time her degree is useless. 

Since you are the major bread winner if he has any custody of any child you will most likely be on the hook for some type of support. At least in my state. They are usually much more generous in awarding support rather than alimony because support is usually a straight percentage whereas alimony there aren't any set guidelines and they go with the whole maintaining standard of living thing which is very subjective.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

In my state they look at income potential for both alimony and child support, so it does differ from state to state. In my case, my ex did earn his potential for several years-until fired. So when the financial negotiations started he was informed that the circumstances of his dismissal would be considered by the judge and he backed down right away. He waived spousal support and agreed to child support.
Something to remember. A child support order is a piece of paper and sometimes its challenging to enforce. My ex is publicly unemployed. I'm not sure I buy that for real but I don't have the funds to hire an investigator to prove otherwise.


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