# Dating a girl with a Weed addiction.



## unbe

Any advice you can give? She smokes prob a 1/2 oz of weed every 10 days. 

I smoke too but maybe a joint or 2 a week.


----------



## KillerClown

Does the country you live in allow recreational use of marijuana? Do either of you qualify for medical marijuana smoking?

I'm going to assume no for both questions. Both of you needs to stop using illegal substance. Police record is not good for the relationship.

I thought you couldn't get addicted to weed? Hmm.


----------



## Lostinthought61

KillerClown said:


> Does the country you live in allow recreational use of marijuana? Do either of you qualify for medical marijuana smoking?
> 
> I'm going to assume no for both questions. Both of you needs to stop using illegal substance. Police record is not good for the relationship.
> 
> I thought you couldn't get addicted to weed? Hmm.


Maybe they live in Colorado or Washington state


----------



## KillerClown

Xenote said:


> Maybe they live in Colorado or Washington state


Maybe they live in Holland? That's Why I asked the question.

Did you have a response for the OP?


----------



## Lila

That's a lot of freaking herb! How does she function?


----------



## KillerClown

Lila said:


> That's a lot of freaking herb! How does she function?


It is? Good thing somebody knows. :grin2:


----------



## Acoa

Lila said:


> That's a lot of freaking herb! How does she function?


Probably does the wake and bake then maintains all day.

Big question is why does she use so heavily? And does she every 'sober up' or is she always high?

If she is always high, and has been for a long time, don't expect her to change. It's the way she has learned to live her life. Don't have kids, and don't operate heavy machinery.


----------



## Ynot

unbe said:


> Any advice you can give? She smokes prob a 1/2 oz of weed every 10 days.
> 
> I smoke too but maybe a joint or 2 a week.


Enjoy the sex? Every woman I have ever talked to said weed makes them horny. OTOH you can't make some break an addiction unless they want to break the addiction. You might try talking to her, but if she doesn't think it is a problem then you either have to live with it or walk away.


----------



## Lila

KillerClown said:


> It is? Good thing somebody knows. :grin2:


For the official record.......I had to look it up on google. >:grin2:


----------



## unbe

KillerClown said:


> Does the country you live in allow recreational use of marijuana? Do either of you qualify for medical marijuana smoking?
> 
> I'm going to assume no for both questions. Both of you needs to stop using illegal substance. Police record is not good for the relationship.
> 
> I thought you couldn't get addicted to weed? Hmm.


it is not legal....yet


----------



## unbe

Acoa said:


> Probably does the wake and bake then maintains all day.
> 
> Big question is why does she use so heavily? And does she every 'sober up' or is she always high?
> 
> If she is always high, and has been for a long time, don't expect her to change. It's the way she has learned to live her life. Don't have kids, and don't operate heavy machinery.


She has been smoking like this for years, its a way of life for her. Kids are off the table as neither of us really want it.

She does sober up but for the most part remains stoned. However, her being stoned is not like me being stoned. She can and does function like quite well


----------



## unbe

Ynot said:


> Enjoy the sex? Every woman I have ever talked to said weed makes them horny. OTOH you can't make some break an addiction unless they want to break the addiction. You might try talking to her, but if she doesn't think it is a problem then you either have to live with it or walk away.


She is not breaking this addictioan. I am not asking her too. I am asking:

1- Any tips on how to co-exists

2- Is a LTR possible in these conditions?


----------



## GTdad

It's over a pound per year, which seems like a hell of a lot to me. I haven't bought the stuff in 25 years or more, but I bet we're talking about a hell of a lot of money, too.

How do you feel about that being part of your life? I wouldn't, but maybe you're okay with it. Are you?


----------



## sixty-eight

my ex used to smoke like that.
they say you can't get addicted, fine. maybe you can't. but when you get to a place where you are high whenever possible, get high before all meals, get high and fall asleep, wake and bake. You being high becomes your dominant personality, and your real personality is suppressed.
The children and I also experienced Very angry moods when he would run out, or if we didn't have money for more. 
We couldn't save any money, if there was any left after bills, he would buy extra. Sometimes he would buy extra instead of paying bills.
We didn't spend any time together on the weekends. Him smoking, me with the kids. It forced me to be the on call parent. basically, a single parent since i didn't want him looking after the children high and he was always high. He says he is high energy when he smokes at work, maybe, but when he was at home his defaults were snacking/tv/sleeping/wanting to have long philosophical conversations. He gained 75lbs, and never wanted to have sex. When he did, he wanted to be the bottom, and just lay there like a starfish. or receive a bj and then fall asleep.
He quit several months ago, and he's like a different person. lost a bunch of weight, can carry on an interesting conversation, not always sleeping, calls the kids and pays attention to them.

my sister just broke up with her longtime boyfriend (7 years) because of some of the same things. not working, smoking all the time, smoking up all their extra money, leaving her with all the responsibilities of the children.

my brother and his wife are divorced. They partied together, got married, and when she got pregnant(unintentionally), she straightened up and he didn't. Always high. He badgered her to lose the baby weight so she would leave him with their daughter and go to the gym. He would get high and fall asleep while he was supposed to be watching her. They didn't divorce over this solely, he's a sh!tty person. But it was a factor.

When we were just dating, before kids, we would smoke together sometimes. and it was fun, but for me it was something to do at parties or on holidays. not a way of life.
They say not to continue to date or have sex with anyone you wouldn't marry/have kids with, and it's true. We were just having fun together until a condom broke. Then all the sudden it's serious and you're parents. The smell made me nauseous while i was pregnant, and i tried it again after our first was born (she was with a babysitter). It was horrible. it made me panicked and paranoid.

Anyway. I might be biased by my personal experience. I couldn't stand the smell anymore and i didn't like being high. He still did, and so it divided us, and him from our children.

The other side of the coin: The ex has friends, a couple with children. They both smoke weed, always have, in their house, around their children, while she was pregnant, etc. They seem ok with their lives.

It all depends on how you see yourself long term. Do you enjoy her company when she is high and you are not and vice versa? Do you want to be smoking in 5 or 10 years at the same level? Will she? If you get married and/or have a baby will you want her to change, and/or will she want to change? Will your differing opinions be divisive?

Edited to add:
If you are really serious about not having children, then might i suggest being very careful with the birth control. like 2 kinds of bc careful. Of those couple i mentioned, myself, my brother, my adoptive sister, none of us intended to have children.


----------



## Acoa

unbe said:


> She is not breaking this addictioan. I am not asking her too. I am asking:
> 
> 1- Any tips on how to co-exists
> 
> 2- Is a LTR possible in these conditions?


Don't lose yourself in her addiction. It would be easy over time for you to start using more. Be aware and only use when you would have previously.

Be ready for some mental or physical health issues. Pot does mess with the body and the brain and because it's banned in most places there is very little scientific data about how. Effects are not severe or obvious like they are with Meth or Heroin, but they are there.

Don't let it become an excuse for her to cross any of your boundaries. What will you do if she wants to hang out with a group of friends and get high, but you want to go home and sleep so you can get up for work? Will she skip on the night out to go home with you? Are you comfortable if she doesn't and hangs out with a group getting high?

Basically, figure out what issue freaks you out so much you don't even want to talk about it. And talk about that one first.


----------



## 225985

I am with @Ynot. If the sex is good, keep her. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## unbe

GTdad said:


> It's over a pound per year, which seems like a hell of a lot to me. I haven't bought the stuff in 25 years or more, but I bet we're talking about a hell of a lot of money, too.
> 
> How do you feel about that being part of your life? I wouldn't, but maybe you're okay with it. Are you?


Im ok with the idea of it. There are somethings that bother me about it

1- She isn't really affectionate. That being said I may be biased as my X was overly so.

2- Is content with doing nothing all day, everyday. Never has an idea on what she would like to do.

3- Cant seem to handle normal everyday pressures. This is the most alarming.

Shes a good girl, is very good to me. Looks out for me. Is very trustworthy. Sex is GREAT. Shes a 10 if not higher (no pun intended). Is extremely honest, and loves my dog.


----------



## MarriedDude

unbe said:


> Any advice you can give? She smokes prob a 1/2 oz of weed every 10 days.
> 
> I smoke too but maybe a joint or 2 a week.


1/4 a week sure isnt much....

Why would you call it an addition....a joint or 2 a week...is that an addiction?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Acoa

unbe said:


> Im ok with the idea of it. There are somethings that bother me about it
> 
> 1- She isn't really affectionate. That being said I may be biased as my X was overly so.
> 
> 2- Is content with doing nothing all day, everyday. Never has an idea on what she would like to do.
> 
> 3- Cant seem to handle normal everyday pressures. This is the most alarming.
> 
> Shes a good girl, is very good to me. Looks out for me. Is very trustworthy. Sex is GREAT. Shes a 10 if not higher (no pun intended). Is extremely honest, and loves my dog.


If she is high all the time that's going to zap any ambition to go out and experience life. She could be very entertained putting her favorite playlist on the stereo and staring at the ceiling fan. 

Weed tends to relax and give a sense of euphoria. But any pressure or conflict will seem very amplified and she will avoid it. 

Does she support herself? Or is the expectation she moves in with you and you support her and her weed habit in exchange for sex? If it's the latter, you know what that sounds like right?


----------



## Yosemite

unbe said:


> 1- She isn't really affectionate. That being said I may be biased as my X was overly so.
> 
> 2- Is content with doing nothing all day, everyday. Never has an idea on what she would like to do.
> 
> 3- Cant seem to handle normal everyday pressures. This is the most alarming.
> 
> Shes a good girl, is very good to me. Looks out for me. Is very trustworthy. Sex is GREAT. Shes a 10 if not higher (no pun intended). Is extremely honest, and loves my dog.


Sorry too many red flags for a long term relationship.

I'd be out after I had a few months of good sex with a 10+ hottie. 

This woman is not marriage material by far.


----------



## SunCMars

I am going to be mean.
***************************************************************************

Why are YOU lost?
***************************************************************************
HER?

She is not in her right mind.

You do not seem to mind.

You do not care to mind.

Her mind is properly smoked.

Your mind is the same... only second-handily so.

Get outside of your poorly bound stupor and get a breath of fresh air, fresh hair.

Ditch the [when sober] Termagant with her weed....get a good babe with flowers in her hair.........not named Mary Jane.


----------



## 225985

unbe said:


> Im ok with the idea of it. There are somethings that bother me about it
> 
> 
> 
> 1- She isn't really affectionate. That being said I may be biased as my X was overly so.
> 
> 
> 
> 2- Is content with doing nothing all day, everyday. Never has an idea on what she would like to do.
> 
> 
> 
> 3- Cant seem to handle normal everyday pressures. This is the most alarming.
> 
> 
> 
> Shes a good girl, is very good to me. Looks out for me. Is very trustworthy. Sex is GREAT. Shes a 10 if not higher (no pun intended). Is extremely honest, and loves my dog.




You are just dating. 

Have fun. Have sex. 

Don't support her. Don't move in with her. 

Don't get her pregnant. 

Come back here when she cheats on you or you find out she is pregnant. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Ynot

unbe said:


> She is not breaking this addictioan. I am not asking her too. I am asking:
> 
> 1- Any tips on how to co-exists
> 
> 2- Is a LTR possible in these conditions?


The answer to both of those questions depend on you.
1) is this something you can live with? As others have said if it interferes with the enjoyment of your life, then the answer is NO co-existence isn't possible.
2) see above

Some people build up a tolerance for weed just like some people build up a tolerance for alcohol. They can smoke or drink as much as they want and it doesn't affect their day to day life. BUT, and its a huge but, it starts to impact finances, activities etc, then it can become a huge issue. Only you can decide if that is tolerable or not. My suggestion is to talk to her about it. If you are thinking LTR, it would probably be best to establish some guidelines to go by. Otherwise enjoy the sex in the meantime!


----------



## Sbrown

It's already bothering you. Drop her before she's carrying your stoned kid. 

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## Looking2Change

It's such a NASTY habit. I personally would never date a girl that smoked that crap. She's smoking that much prob. because she's trying to hide from the reality of life.


----------



## tech-novelist

That wouldn't bother me if everything else was fine.

If it were alcohol or any other drug, or tobacco (retch), I would dump her; all those things are bad for you, whereas I can't find any actual evidence that weed is.

Maybe that's just because I grew up in the 60's, but that's how I would handle it.


----------



## Looking2Change

tech-novelist said:


> That wouldn't bother me if everything else was fine.
> 
> If it were alcohol or any other drug, or tobacco (retch), I would dump her; all those things are bad for you, whereas I can't find any actual evidence that weed is.
> 
> Maybe that's just because I grew up in the 60's, but that's how I would handle it.


Any form of Smoke going into your lungs is going to cause you harm/death. Our lungs are designed to process oxygen and not smoke.


----------



## tech-novelist

Looking2Change said:


> Any form of Smoke going into your lungs is going to cause you harm/death. Our lungs are designed to process oxygen and not smoke.


Nope. Pot smoking does not harm the lungs: Smoking Weed Doesn't Harm Lungs If It's A Joint A Day, Even After 20 Years

I agree that this is counter-intuitive because smoke obviously isn't good for the lungs, which means that there must be other benefits of weed that offset those negative effects.

However, it still seems that vaping would be preferable because that doesn't produce particulates.

(Note: not a doctor, don't play one on the internet, do your own research, etc.)


----------



## kristin2349

tech-novelist said:


> Nope. Pot smoking does not harm the lungs: Smoking Weed Doesn't Harm Lungs If It's A Joint A Day, Even After 20 Years
> 
> I agree that this is counter-intuitive because smoke obviously isn't good for the lungs, which means that there must be other benefits of weed that offset those negative effects.
> 
> However, it still seems that vaping would be preferable because that doesn't produce particulates.
> 
> (Note: not a doctor, don't play one on the internet, do your own research, etc.)



^^This^^

I vape and use edibles for migraines and for fun. Smoking a joint is much different than a cigarette on the impact on your lung health as the article states. You can feel the difference if you've actually smoked both.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

tech-novelist said:


> Nope. Pot smoking does not harm the lungs: Smoking Weed Doesn't Harm Lungs If It's A Joint A Day, Even After 20 Years
> 
> I agree that this is counter-intuitive because smoke obviously isn't good for the lungs, which means that there must be other benefits of weed that offset those negative effects.
> 
> However, it still seems that vaping would be preferable because that doesn't produce particulates.
> 
> (Note: not a doctor, don't play one on the internet, do your own research, etc.)


vaping does cause lung damage - just different damage that tar and hot smoke and other nasty chemicals


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

Weed is addictive, just not massively so. And anything that induces mood change (including "lucky undies") can be some form of psychological addiction.

Yes probably a pretty chill relaxed easy going person... will all that THC affecting her. If she comes out full time she will be a different person, and one who will have to learn to cope with stress.

IF she ended up pregnant, she'd have to stop smoking for the baby/placenta health, including while breastfeeding and around any child - be prepared for that.

Also the amount she's smoking is pretty excessive, so unless you're allowed to grow your own for personal use it is going to be a serious financial burden, and will stop any ambition the pair of you might have. 
And with her level of use, she's not likely to have any serious intention of fulfilling any ambition, even if her body has adapted to that level of drug presence.

If you're buying from someone else, hopefully they're reliable - high usage level can be difficult when supply is tight, forcing some suppliers to use less reputable/tainted sources.

the hard part is she's probably excellent and easy going in her current state but it's not really something that would be good to maintain at that level continuously, and she's likely to be much less easy going when away from that which makes her so mellow.


----------



## tech-novelist

spotthedeaddog said:


> vaping does cause lung damage - just different damage that tar and hot smoke and other nasty chemicals


It depends on the kind of vaping you are referring to.

The kind that uses liquids containing polyethylene glycol or the like is bad.
The kind that just warms up the pot enough for the volatiles to come off isn't.


----------



## arbitrator

*Find someone whose usage patterns moreso mirrors your own!

Never been a user, but had a couple of frat brothers in college who did!

As far as the relationship specter is concerned, any woman interested in me, who uses the stuff is simply a "dealbreaker" for me!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sixty-eight

spotthedeaddog said:


> Weed is addictive, just not massively so. And anything that induces mood change (including "lucky undies") can be some form of psychological addiction.
> 
> Yes probably a pretty chill relaxed easy going person... will all that THC affecting her. If she comes out full time she will be a different person, and one who will have to learn to cope with stress.
> 
> IF she ended up pregnant, she'd have to stop smoking for the baby/placenta health, including while breastfeeding and around any child - be prepared for that.
> 
> Also the amount she's smoking is pretty excessive, so unless you're allowed to grow your own for personal use it is going to be a serious financial burden, and will stop any ambition the pair of you might have.
> And with her level of use, she's not likely to have any serious intention of fulfilling any ambition, even if her body has adapted to that level of drug presence.
> 
> If you're buying from someone else, hopefully they're reliable - high usage level can be difficult when supply is tight, forcing some suppliers to use less reputable/tainted sources.
> 
> the hard part is she's probably excellent and easy going in her current state but it's not really something that would be good to maintain at that level continuously, and she's likely to be much less easy going when away from that which makes her so mellow.


Yes.

This is what i was thinking about as well. You dont really know her, the real, non-suppressed her.

If she ever comes out of it, you will meet a new person. Someone who now has to relearn all their coping mechanisms for stress.

If she never reduces, you will end up supporting her in some way. Its just logical with an expensive habit that deadens your motivation and emotions. Or you will end up growing your own/selling which carries its own risks.

Sometimes women will tell each other to make their boyfriend really mad while they are dating. Spill a pot of warm tea on them etc, so you can find out what they are like when they are angry before you marry.

If things ever go long term, i strongly suggest you find out what she is like with no supply.

I didnt, and i wish i had. I was young and stupid. Hindsight is 20/20 and love is blind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## norajane

unbe said:


> Im ok with the idea of it. There are somethings that bother me about it
> 
> 1- She isn't really affectionate. That being said I may be biased as my X was overly so.
> 
> 2- Is content with doing nothing all day, everyday. Never has an idea on what she would like to do.
> 
> 3- Cant seem to handle normal everyday pressures. This is the most alarming.
> 
> Shes a good girl, is very good to me. Looks out for me. Is very trustworthy. Sex is GREAT. Shes a 10 if not higher (no pun intended). Is extremely honest, and loves my dog.


Is she self-medicating? Does she have depression or anxieties and the pot is helping her deal with that? 

She's built up a tolerance, which is why she uses so much. There's a reason she feels the need for it all day long. It's important to know what those reasons are. 

You won't be able to change her, so you need to decide whether it is acceptable to you. #2 and #3 on your list would cause me some concern about her habit, and I generally have no issues with people smoking weed vs drinking alcohol. Does she have a JOB?


----------



## Kivlor

unbe said:


> Any advice you can give? She smokes prob a 1/2 oz of weed every 10 days.
> 
> I smoke too but maybe a joint or 2 a week.


If she's stoned all the time, I'd wonder what she's trying to escape from. But that's just me.

Unbe, personally I recommend avoiding any relationships with people using illicit drugs, and would also recommend stopping usage for you. Not out of some moral hazard, but simple risk reduction. Most people who use / associate with those who do use drugs aren't aware of Civil Asset Forfeiture, whereby the government seizes your car, your home, your money, and any other assets they "accuse" of being related to your / someone else's drug use (note someone else can lose your stuff) without a trial. Because I like having my car, my truck and my house, I stay far far away from these things. 

If the high is worth the risk to you, then that's a different story.


----------



## bandit.45

spotthedeaddog said:


> Weed is addictive, just not massively so.


Delta-4 Tetrahydrocannabinoid is not physically or psychoactively addictive, regardless of the amounts absorbed. 

The girlfriend is psychologically addicted. It is a crutch. I guess, if she is going to be addicted to anything then hierba is probably the best choice. Problem with long term THC use is that it causes lethargy and a lack of ambition. Hence 35 year old boys still living in their mom's basement. People who smoke weed heavily just want to smoke weed all day. 

Unbe I'm surprised she's able to hold a job. Most employers require periodic drug testing.


----------



## Sbrown

bandit.45 said:


> Delta-4 Tetrahydrocannabinoid is not physically or psychoactively addictive, regardless of the amounts absorbed.
> 
> The girlfriend is psychologically addicted. It is a crutch. I guess, if she is going to be addicted to anything then hierba is probably the best choice. Problem with long term THC use is that it causes lethargy and a lack of ambition. Hence 35 year old boys still living in their mom's basement. People who smoke weed heavily just want to smoke weed all day.
> 
> Unbe I'm surprised she's able to hold a job. Most employers require periodic drug testing.


I've seen this go both ways. I've known grown men smoking and still living in mom's basement, but I also know several business owners that work their a$$ off and smoke. Leads me to believe weed brings out these qualities if they're already there, but what do I know. 

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


----------



## MJJEAN

norajane said:


> Is she self-medicating? Does she have depression or anxieties and the pot is helping her deal with that?
> 
> She's built up a tolerance, which is why she uses so much. There's a reason she feels the need for it all day long. It's important to know what those reasons are.
> 
> You won't be able to change her, so you need to decide whether it is acceptable to you. #2 and #3 on your list would cause me some concern about her habit, and I generally have no issues with people smoking weed vs drinking alcohol. Does she have a JOB?


I was thinking self medication, too. Why? Because I was self medicating the same way before my state legalized medical use. I have depression and anxiety. I have tried multiple meds, but have had some severe side effects including being unable to orgasm, being unable to feel emotion, intense stomach pain, intense muscular pain and so on. I had been a long time social/recreational pot user and knew that it can help with depressionand anxiety, so I began smoking on a regular schedule. Not enough to get high, but enough that I felt calm and relaxed. I go through 1/2 oz. every 14-20 days on average. The cost is approximately $125. Herb has been very effective and I have had no side effects. It's also considerably less expensive than my former perscription co-pays.

Pot and coffee keep me functioning. 

Speaking of functioning, that is a big one. I have no problem with recreational drug use. I have no problem using non-traditional treatments for physical or mental health conditions if they work. I do have a problem with using anything to the point where it interferes with daily life and normal functioning. I am SAHM. I am responsible for all of the housework, all of the yard work, all household repairs and replacements, all auto repairs and replacements, all pet care (3 dogs, 1 cat, 1 tortoise, and 1 parrot), scheduling appointments, bill pays, grocery shopping, and about 1 million other things. If I couldn't perform my duties correctly, safely, and efficiently while treating with pot, I wouldn't be using it.

If this woman is functioning normally and regulating her own use, I wouldn't consider it a dealbreaker.

OP has said that she seems to prefer being at home and isn`t very ambitious. That could be the pot, but it could also simply be who she is as a person. I know plenty of sober women who are homebodies whose only ambition is getting the housework done before settling in to watch their shows.



Kivlor said:


> If she's stoned all the time, I'd wonder what she's trying to escape from. But that's just me.
> 
> Unbe, personally I recommend avoiding any relationships with people using illicit drugs, and would also recommend stopping usage for you. Not out of some moral hazard, but simple risk reduction. Most people who use / associate with those who do use drugs aren't aware of Civil Asset Forfeiture, whereby the government seizes your car, your home, your money, and any other assets they "accuse" of being related to your / someone else's drug use (note someone else can lose your stuff) without a trial. Because I like having my car, my truck and my house, I stay far far away from these things.
> 
> If the high is worth the risk to you, then that's a different story.


Really depends on where OP lives and local law. In my state, medical use is legal and depression/anxiety are qualifying conditions. In most cities in my area being in possession of less than 1 oz. is either not a criminal offense or a misdemenor ticket/fine. Cross county or state lines and it can be an whole nother ball game.


----------



## vel

If you don't intend to have kids I really don't see the problem. If you enjoy each others' company, and can financially support yourselves, just have fun! Not everyone needs to be ambitious.


----------



## Kivlor

MJJEAN said:


> I was thinking self medication, too. Why? Because I was self medicating the same way before my state legalized medical use. I have depression and anxiety. I have tried multiple meds, but have had some severe side effects including being unable to orgasm, being unable to feel emotion, intense stomach pain, intense muscular pain and so on. I had been a long time social/recreational pot user and knew that it can help with depressionand anxiety, so I began smoking on a regular schedule. Not enough to get high, but enough that I felt calm and relaxed. I go through 1/2 oz. every 14-20 days on average. The cost is approximately $125. Herb has been very effective and I have had no side effects. It's also considerably less expensive than my former perscription co-pays.
> 
> Pot and coffee keep me functioning.
> 
> Speaking of functioning, that is a big one. I have no problem with recreational drug use. I have no problem using non-traditional treatments for physical or mental health conditions if they work. I do have a problem with using anything to the point where it interferes with daily life and normal functioning. I am SAHM. I am responsible for all of the housework, all of the yard work, all household repairs and replacements, all auto repairs and replacements, all pet care (3 dogs, 1 cat, 1 tortoise, and 1 parrot), scheduling appointments, bill pays, grocery shopping, and about 1 million other things. If I couldn't perform my duties correctly, safely, and efficiently while treating with pot, I wouldn't be using it.
> 
> If this woman is functioning normally and regulating her own use, I wouldn't consider it a dealbreaker.
> 
> OP has said that she seems to prefer being at home and isn`t very ambitious. That could be the pot, but it could also simply be who she is as a person. I know plenty of sober women who are homebodies whose only ambition is getting the housework done before settling in to watch their shows.
> 
> 
> 
> Really depends on where OP lives and local law. In my state, medical use is legal and depression/anxiety are qualifying conditions. In most cities in my area being in possession of less than 1 oz. is either not a criminal offense or a misdemenor ticket/fine. Cross county or state lines and it can be an whole nother ball game.


Like I said, it's all in how you weigh the risks. If OP isn't in the US then my advice is meaningless. I still would avoid it in the states that legalize / decriminalize pot due to federal legislation which allows for asset forfeiture. What happens is the local police give the seized assets to the feds who give back 90% of the funds to the participating department regardless of state laws. Personally I'm opposed to such laws but my opposition doesn't change the fact that I live under them. But in the end, it's all about your own decision regarding risk management.

Regarding the OP's gf and a lack of ambition, we'll that's a matter of his taste in women. And in matters of taste there can be no disputes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Betrayedone

Looking2Change said:


> It's such a NASTY habit. I personally would never date a girl that smoked that crap. She's smoking that much prob. because she's trying to hide from the reality of life.


Weed is the new alcohol.....only better......get used to it......I suppose all the ancient cultures that saw the value in it were idiots too?


----------



## tech-novelist

bandit.45 said:


> Delta-4 Tetrahydrocannabinoid is not physically or psychoactively addictive, regardless of the amounts absorbed.
> 
> The girlfriend is psychologically addicted. It is a crutch. I guess, if she is going to be addicted to anything then hierba is probably the best choice. Problem with long term THC use is that it causes lethargy and a lack of ambition. Hence 35 year old boys still living in their mom's basement. People who smoke weed heavily just want to smoke weed all day.
> 
> Unbe I'm surprised she's able to hold a job. Most employers require periodic drug testing.


A lot of tech employers don't test for pot, and didn't even when pot was illegal in every state.

I wonder why? >


----------



## lucy999

What does she do in life? Is she gainfully employed? Bills get paid? Doesn't flake out on commitments? Is generally responsible ?

If so, you maybe can work with that. but man she's smoking a lot (is it premium or brick?)

If not, you've got problems.

I'm a recreational smoker. All my bills are paid, I work out every weekday at 530 a.m., I've got a great job I've held for 18 years in the legal world. I'm stable in life.

A bowl is my after work beer. If I haven't had a good productive day, I won't imbibe. It's kind of a reward for adulting lol.

I'd drop her like a hot potato if she doesn't have her shyt together. Nothing worse than a stoner who lives up to the stereotype. 

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

If her habit isn't part of her appeal, she's not the woman for you.


----------



## Faithful Wife

tech-novelist said:


> A lot of tech employers don't test for pot, and didn't even when pot was illegal in every state.
> 
> I wonder why? >


We couldn't find any young male employees at all if we made a hard line about pot use where I work.

Plus it is legal in my state.

It really is something people should get used to and stop demonizing. It is like alcohol in the sense that some people can drink alcohol and it doesn't affect their daily life in a negative way, and some people drink alcohol and end up losing their jobs, families, etc.

I have personally known a lot of people who ruined their lives due to alcohol use, and I know zero people who have ruined their lives due to marijuana use (and trust me, I know a LOT of pot smokers).


----------



## bandit.45

tech-novelist said:


> A lot of tech employers don't test for pot, and didn't even when pot was illegal in every state.
> 
> I wonder why? >


Well it's a central nervous system depressant like alcohol. Coke and meth are considered "dangerous" I guess.


----------



## bandit.45

Faithful Wife said:


> We couldn't find any young male employees at all if we made a hard line about pot use where I work.
> 
> Plus it is legal in my state.
> 
> It really is something people should get used to and stop demonizing. It is like alcohol in the sense that some people can drink alcohol and it doesn't affect their daily life in a negative way, and some people drink alcohol and end up losing their jobs, families, etc.
> 
> I have personally known a lot of people who ruined their lives due to alcohol use, and I know zero people who have ruined their lives due to marijuana use (and trust me, I know a LOT of pot smokers).


I'm an alcoholic and I think alcohol should be outlawed and pot made legal. 

I really do. Alcohol has done more damage to our society than meth, coke and opiates combined. 

You don't see too many potheads beating the sh!t out of their wives.


----------



## pidge70

bandit.45 said:


> I'm an alcoholic and I think alcohol should be outlawed and pot made legal.
> 
> I really do. Alcohol has done more damage to our society than meth, coke and opiates combined.
> 
> You don't see too many potheads beating the sh!t out of their wives.


They tried that once. Didn't work out too well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sixty-eight

bandit.45 said:


> I'm an alcoholic and I think alcohol should be outlawed and pot made legal.
> 
> I really do. Alcohol has done more damage to our society than meth, coke and opiates combined.
> 
> You don't see too many potheads beating the sh!t out of their wives.


yeah, that's why i said my opinion might be biased by my experience. I don't know if you are familiar with my story but......

ex h was a pot head, and when he got stressed about money, or couldn't find any, then he would get angry, and when he got angry he would hit me. or when he would try to quit, he would be all over the place, emotionally. So some potheads do beat the sh!t out of their wives.

now i'm not saying it was because of the pot, but some people don't always mellow out. It is what it is. anything that suppresses your stress and emotions is going to let loose with a vengeance at some point.

That said, i see it the same way. My family of origin is full of alcoholics, and alcohol abuse is worse.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

SunCMars said:


> I am going to be mean.
> ***************************************************************************
> 
> Why are YOU lost?
> ***************************************************************************
> HER?
> 
> She is not in her right mind.
> 
> You do not seem to mind.
> 
> You do not care to mind.


Not really his job to manage or control her - only decide what his boundaries are, not make her measure up to them.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

Faithful Wife said:


> I have personally known a lot of people who ruined their lives due to alcohol use, and I know zero people who have ruined their lives due to marijuana use (and trust me, I know a LOT of pot smokers).


I know a few that have made big messes of their lives with heavy marijuana use.
Lack of ambition, memory loss, having a few before dealing with an issue then not being able to deal with it (ordering, finishing urgent contracts, doing creative deadlines, getting up in the morning, operating heavy machinery/large animals).... but that's about 4 people out of 1000s. Know more students who didn't complete degrees because they spent too much time puffing. But of all those I know use the stuff, even the heaviest users, they've been able to turn things around pretty quickly (except loss of cash...which grow your own legally reduces). There is a bit of permanent lung capacity loss. But none of those I know that have quit are jonesing it anywhere like those I know who have kicked tobacco, or faced the same danger that alcoholics I know have (climb into the bottle one session, climb out three years later wondering where the time went.) Personally I don't like the sensations with it, but that's personal choice - most of the "bad things" comes from the fact that it's usually blackmarketted (so no grow your own, big arrest risk, high costs, danger, tampering, contact with organised crime,hidden habits)


----------



## tech-novelist

bandit.45 said:


> Well it's a central nervous system depressant like alcohol. Coke and meth are considered "dangerous" I guess.


No it isn't. There is no lethal dose, which there is for every CNS depressant.


----------



## bandit.45

pidge70 said:


> They tried that once. Didn't work out too well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know. I can only dream.


----------



## bandit.45

tech-novelist said:


> No it isn't. There is no lethal dose, which there is for every CNS depressant.


Mmmmmm. I think you're wrong. Let me research and let's continue this debate.


----------



## bandit.45

sixty-eight said:


> yeah, that's why i said my opinion might be biased by my experience. I don't know if you are familiar with my story but......
> 
> ex h was a pot head, and when he got stressed about money, or couldn't find any, then he would get angry, and when he got angry he would hit me. or when he would try to quit, he would be all over the place, emotionally. So some potheads do beat the sh!t out of their wives.
> 
> now i'm not saying it was because of the pot, but some people don't always mellow out. It is what it is. anything that suppresses your stress and emotions is going to let loose with a vengeance at some point.
> 
> That said, i see it the same way. My family of origin is full of alcoholics, and alcohol abuse is worse.


Abusers abuse because they are sick people, with or without a drug.


----------



## tech-novelist

bandit.45 said:


> Mmmmmm. I think you're wrong. Let me research and let's continue this debate.


Sounds good to me.

You can start with this, from a DEA administrative judge, in *1988*(!):

"Findings of Fact

Point 3. The most obvious concern when dealing with drug safety is the possibility of lethal effects. Can the drug cause death?

4. Nearly all medicines have toxic, potentially lethal effects. But marijuana is not such a substance. There is no record in the extensive medical literature describing a proven, documented cannabis-induced fatality.

5. This is a remarkable statement. First, the record on marijuana encompasses 5,000 years of human experience. Second, marijuana is now used daily by enormous numbers of people throughout the world. Estimates suggest that from twenty million to fifty million Americans routinely, albeit illegally, smoke marijuana without the benefit of direct medical supervision. Yet, despite this long history of use and the extraordinarily high numbers of social smokers, there are simply no credible medical reports to suggest that consuming marijuana has caused a single death."

(from Judge Francis Young rules marijuana is safe, 1988, DEA, USA)


----------



## Palodyne

bandit.45 said:


> I'm an alcoholic and I think alcohol should be outlawed and pot made legal.
> 
> I really do. Alcohol has done more damage to our society than meth, coke and opiates combined.
> 
> You don't see too many potheads beating the sh!t out of their wives.


Hey, man, I agree that pot should be legal. But leave my whisky alone. True, potheads may not beat their wives. But I will beat you if I can't get a drink tomorrow. LOL


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

tech-novelist said:


> No it isn't. There is no lethal dose, which there is for every CNS depressant.


From the Wiki:
The actions of THC result from its partial agonist activity at the cannabinoid receptor CB1 (Ki=10nM[24]), *located mainly in the central nervous system*, and the CB2 receptor (Ki=24nM[24]), mainly expressed in cells of the immune system.[25] The psychoactive effects of THC are primarily mediated by its activation of CB1G-protein coupled receptors, which result in a decrease in the concentration of the second messenger molecule cAMP through* inhibition of adenylate cyclase.*[26]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetrahydrocannabinol

*Yes* there is a lethal dose, but it is high and pretty much needs to be injected. You'd asphyxiate from the smoke level or vomit/full before you reached the level in normal usage.

Interest to see that endocannabinoids are confirmed, so there is likely to be some health effects of constant exposure adaption but just how significant would have to be tested, like wise there is definite confirmation of antioxidant properties.


----------



## Haiku

bandit.45 said:


> Well it's a central nervous system depressant like alcohol.





tech-novelist said:


> No it isn't.


In my training weed fits best into the "other" category because it does not fit *nicely* into CNS depressant. But it isn't difficult to imagine as one since some professionals feel just that way.


----------



## tech-novelist

spotthedeaddog said:


> From the Wiki:
> The actions of THC result from its partial agonist activity at the cannabinoid receptor CB1 (Ki=10nM[24]), *located mainly in the central nervous system*, and the CB2 receptor (Ki=24nM[24]), mainly expressed in cells of the immune system.[25] The psychoactive effects of THC are primarily mediated by its activation of CB1G-protein coupled receptors, which result in a decrease in the concentration of the second messenger molecule cAMP through* inhibition of adenylate cyclase.*[26]
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetrahydrocannabinol
> 
> *Yes* there is a lethal dose, but it is high and pretty much needs to be injected. You'd asphyxiate from the smoke level or vomit/full before you reached the level in normal usage.
> 
> Interest to see that endocannabinoids are confirmed, so there is likely to be some health effects of constant exposure adaption but just how significant would have to be tested, like wise there is definite confirmation of antioxidant properties.


Yes, it affects the CNS, but where does it say that it is a CNS depressant? I can't find it on that page.

Also from that page:

"The estimated lethal dose of intravenous dronabinol in humans is 30 mg/kg,.[21] The typical medicinal dosage administered is two 2.5 mg capsules daily for an 80 kg man (~170 lb). A lethal dose for such a person would be approximately 960 of those capsules infused intravenously. "

However, dronabinol is *one *of the compounds in cannabis, not cannabis itself: "Dronabinol is the INN for a pure isomer of THC, (–)-trans-Δ9-tetrahydrocannabinol,[13] which is the main isomer found in cannabis."

and

"There has *never *been a documented human fatality solely from overdosing on tetrahydrocannabinol."

So unless you are shooting up enormous quantities of dronabinol I don't think you have to worry about overdosing.


----------



## bandit.45

Palodyne said:


> Hey, man, I agree that pot should be legal. But leave my whisky alone. True, potheads may not beat their wives. But I will beat you if I can't get a drink tomorrow. LOL


Well as a recovering alcoholic/teetotaler I would want none of you to have any booze simply because I cannot participate... I'm a selfish fvck.....


----------



## Haiku

bandit.45 said:


> Well as a recovering alcoholic/teetotaler I would want none of you to have any booze simply because I cannot participate... I'm a selfish fvck.....




You are an embarrassment to selfishness. 

Someone I know very well just went over 30 years sober. 

He has no problem being around drinkers or in a bar. He remembers how miserable he felt and gets off on the misery of over drinkers. 

He also participates in AA and the liars who show up and he knows aren't ready keep him sober. 

When I need a sponsor Steve will be him!


----------



## unbe

Ok so we spoke about it this weekend a bit. She started smoking heavily when her mom passed away 15 years ago (from cancer at 53). 

She says she needs to cut down but I don't see it happening. Its at the point where she need sto smoke this more in order to get high and shes has built a tolerance to it.

She does have a job, pays for her own weed every week. I don't contribute to hers. I do by my own ($40 every other week)

She at about $100 a week.

Does have an addictive personality for sure. Is a reformed shop-a-holic and also smokes cigs.

Again, the smoking doest bother me. The lack of ambition does. What I mean by that is, she has no desire to go out and do things. Make plans with friends. Initiate conversations (or texts or phone calls, its always me)

This is WHO SHE IS though and its not going to change.


----------



## sixty-eight

bandit.45 said:


> Abusers abuse because they are sick people, with or without a drug.


I completely agree.

on a side note:
it's actually quite common for relational abusers to be alcoholics/potheads/drug addicts. it's a scapegoat to blame. 
"Oh, i don't hit you when i'm me, only when i'm out of my mind because i couldn't find any weed or because i was drunk/high/both"
Recently, stbx mr.68 has quit and is getting ready to take a drug test so that he can get unsupervised visitation. And he acts like i'm going to go running back because the weed was to blame and now it's gone. which is a joke.

anyway, didn't mean to thread jack.
But those all or nothing words like always or never, have exceptions. and in this case, it's me.


----------



## sixty-eight

unbe said:


> This is WHO SHE IS though and its not going to change.


That's baloney, people can and do change all the time. 

The rule is, that you can't expect people to change in ways that you want them to, or for the better. And that their core values rarely change.

I do agree that she is not going to find any motivation, without changing at least the volume of her habit. And that she is not likely to decrease without pressure from an outside source.


----------



## bandit.45

sixty-eight said:


> I completely agree.
> 
> on a side note:
> it's actually quite common for relational abusers to be alcoholics/potheads/drug addicts. it's a scapegoat to blame.
> "Oh, i don't hit you when i'm me, only when i'm out of my mind because i couldn't find any weed or because i was drunk/high/both"
> Recently, stbx mr.68 has quit and is getting ready to take a drug test so that he can get unsupervised visitation. And he acts like i'm going to go running back because the weed was to blame and now it's gone. which is a joke.
> 
> anyway, didn't mean to thread jack.
> But those all or nothing words like always or never, have exceptions. and in this case, it's me.


In my worst drunks, in my lowest moments, I never once hit my ex-wife or any woman. This is because I am not a innately violent person, despite my alcoholism. 

Alcohol, coke and meth will make violent people even more violent. If you are an aZZhole deep down, alcohol and coke only serve to magnify what is already latent in you. 

I have never known pot to do this. I have never known pot to amplify cruelty and meanness. Actually it is quite the opposite, which is why I have no problem with it being legalized. I say legalize it and tax the fvck out of it, just like tobacco. Take that tax money and give drug companies subsidies to make the pill form THC more affordable and available for glaucoma and cancer sufferers.


----------



## bandit.45

Haiku said:


> You are an embarrassment to selfishness.
> 
> Someone I know very well just went over 30 years sober.
> 
> He has no problem being around drinkers or in a bar. He remembers how miserable he felt and gets off on the misery of over drinkers.
> 
> He also participates in AA and the liars who show up and he knows aren't ready keep him sober.
> 
> When I need a sponsor Steve will be him!


It took me a long time to get to where I could do that. I could hang out with people at bars and parties without drinking, but it does take some mental discipline. You have to know your triggers and create strategies to deal with those triggers. After my brief relapse a few years back I stopped going to bars and clubs altogether. Now I just do coffee shops and tea houses.


----------



## sixty-eight

bandit.45 said:


> In my worst drunks, in my lowest moments, I never once hit my ex-wife or any woman. This is because I am not a innately violent person, despite my alcoholism.
> 
> Alcohol, coke and meth will make violent people even more violent. If you are an aZZhole deep down, alcohol and coke only serve to magnify what is already latent in you.
> 
> I have never known pot to do this. I have never known pot to amplify cruelty and meanness. Actually it is quite the opposite, which is why I have no problem with it being legalized. I say legalize it and tax the fvck out of it, just like tobacco. Take that tax money and give drug companies subsidies to make the pill form THC more affordable and available for glaucoma and cancer sufferers.


agreed. i am the exception, not the rule.
and also, i agree that you can't blame the substance for the behavior. it only amplifies what is already there.

because pot mellows you out, the azzholery usually comes later, not during. When you don't have more, and/or you don't have money and you no longer are capable of dealing with feelings and emotions. or you are trying to quit. then all the feels are coming at you and you are raw. when you use something to mellow you out, you slowly are rendered incapable of mellowing on your own. Especially if you've been smoking pot for years and years. unless you have the means to stay baked all the time, i guess : )
think of people trying to quit cigs, i guess. How easily irritated they are when they no longer have that crutch in the face of stress.

i also am for legalization, and taxation.


----------



## bandit.45

sixty-eight said:


> agreed. i am the exception, not the rule.
> and also, i agree that you can't blame the substance for the behavior. it only amplifies what is already there.
> 
> because pot mellows you out, the azzholery usually comes later, not during. When you don't have more, and/or you don't have money and you no longer are capable of dealing with feelings and emotions. or you are trying to quit. then all the feels are coming at you and you are raw. when you use something to mellow you out, you slowly are rendered incapable of mellowing on your own. Especially if you've been smoking pot for years and years. unless you have the means to stay baked all the time, i guess : )
> think of people trying to quit cigs, i guess. How easily irritated they are when they no longer have that crutch in the face of stress.
> 
> i also am for legalization, and taxation.


I don't do pot anymore because I am an AA sponsor and group facilitator. It would be the height of hypocrisy for me to abuse one substance as a replacement for another, when quelling abusive behavior is what AA and NA are all about. 

And believe me, I would abuse pot if left to my druthers....I love the stuff.


----------



## unbe

There is one benefit, shes very inexpensive to date. We were supposed to go out to dinner last night. She wasn't motived to go anywhere and wanted to just stay in and watch TV. My bank account grows by the day!!

Quite the difference from my X leach


----------



## Ms. GP

unbe said:


> There is one benefit, shes very inexpensive to date. We were supposed to go out to dinner last night. She wasn't motived to go anywhere and wanted to just stay in and watch TV. My bank account grows by the day!!
> 
> Quite the difference from my X leach


That actually makes me kinda sad for her. She's not really creating any fond happy memories by getting high and watching the tube all the time. I read in another thread that she didn't want to go to the hospital to visit your baby niece/nephew. That's sad too. I think if I was in love with someone and in my right state of mind, I would jump at the chance to share in such a happy family memory. Sounds like life is passing her by in a way. I don't really have a problem with marijuana in a lot of ways. I just think it makes people ok with being bored, and it's not ok to be bored all the time. Life is too short to be sitting on a couch.


----------



## MJJEAN

bandit.45 said:


> I don't do pot anymore because I am an AA sponsor and group facilitator. It would be the height of hypocrisy for me to abuse one substance as a replacement for another, when quelling abusive behavior is what AA and NA are all about.
> 
> And believe me, I would abuse pot if left to my druthers....I love the stuff.


My DH's longtime friend introduced him to pot and such when they were in their late teens. By his 20's, the friend realized he had a problem and went to AA. He stopped drinking alcohol and using other drugs, got very involved, and has sponsored many in the intervening years.

He sucks down Coke like the company is going out of business and chain smokes cigarettes like tobacco is an endangered plant.

:|



Ms. GP said:


> That actually makes me kinda sad for her. She's not really creating any fond happy memories by getting high and watching the tube all the time. I read in another thread that she didn't want to go to the hospital to visit your baby niece/nephew. That's sad too. I think if I was in love with someone and in my right state of mind, I would jump at the chance to share in such a happy family memory. Sounds like life is passing her by in a way. I don't really have a problem with marijuana in a lot of ways. I just think it makes people ok with being bored, and it's not ok to be bored all the time. Life is too short to be sitting on a couch.


Honestly, I'd feel awkward going to the hospital to see a newly born niece or nephew of a relatively new SO. 

She may not be bored at home. Some people are simply content to stay at home and watch life on TV. Pot might have nothing to do with it. She could quit smoking tomorrow and still not want to go out.
@unbe Experienced pot smokers know that they will eventually build up a tolerance over time. When they begin to need more to get that buzz, they'll typically take a day or few off regularly to keep their tolerance lower.


----------



## Ms. GP

That's true @MJJEAN. To each their own. I love little babies. They are so precious and their heads smell so sweet!! I'd probably bust up in a stranger's room and hold their kid, if I wouldn't get in trouble for it!!  I'm also not much of a TV watcher/homebody. The question of the hour for @unbe is what is he looking for? One doesn't have to spend a lot of money to go out. One of my favorite things to do right now is to play with my kids, hubby, and doggie at the school/park across the street from my house. I would not be compatible with big homebody.


----------



## MJJEAN

Ms. GP said:


> That's true @MJJEAN. To each their own. I love little babies. They are so precious and their heads smell so sweet!! I'd probably bust up in a stranger's room and hold their kid, if I wouldn't get in trouble for it!!  I'm also not much of a TV watcher/homebody. The question of the hour for @unbe is what is he looking for? One doesn't have to spend a lot of money to go out. One of my favorite things to do right now is to play with my kids, hubby, and doggie at the school/park across the street from my house. I would not be compatible with big homebody.


I'm 3 years from my youngest being grown, but the neighbor lady has a baby on a fairly regular basis (they have 7 kids ranging from age 1-14), so I get a regular baby scent fix. :laugh:

I have known mismatched couples that seem happy. Some active people seem to do just fine being paired with a homebody while others seem to really resent not having their SO with them when they go out.


----------



## unbe

Update:

Still dating our little friend. My question, is it normal for her to have almost no emotion 100% of the time. Shes very blunt and isn't mushy at all. Actually shes quite the opposite, shes more like a guy when it comes to stuff like that....


----------



## Acoa

unbe said:


> Update:
> 
> Still dating our little friend. My question, is it normal for her to have almost no emotion 100% of the time. Shes very blunt and isn't mushy at all. Actually shes quite the opposite, shes more like a guy when it comes to stuff like that....


Who defines 'normal'? If that's the way she is 100% of the time, then it's normal for her.

Are you looking for something 'flawed' in her that you can 'fix'?


----------



## unbe

Acoa said:


> Who defines 'normal'? If that's the way she is 100% of the time, then it's normal for her.
> 
> Are you looking for something 'flawed' in her that you can 'fix'?


She is like this 100% of the time. Im not liking to fix her, more of insight on if this is truly the norm with dating a pothead.


----------

