# Sharing Masturbation Habit Info With Your SO



## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

How many couples (married or not) who live together, and have been flat out asked about their masturbatory habits and flat out lied?

If you do it a lot, with or without porn or toys, etc. do you say "no" or greatly under exaggerate because you are genuinely embarrassed, or is it because you feel it is your own personal/private sexual self and quite frankly none of your SO's business?

I'm curious because I tend to feel less sexually connected if I don't know. I mean, I don't need a daily report, but I don't necessarily feel like a fully completely connected couple. Not just sexually either. I feel like if you cannot share such things I don't feel close to my SO in almost all other emotional aspects as well. 

Curious to hear the thoughts of others. 

An admission of my own, I've become quite enthralled with a poster here on TAM's relationship blog (faithfulwife) I love reading your blog, and greatly appreciate all the info you've been sharing. Thank you, and sorry if I called you out!!!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I never really had to lie because she doesn't really want to know. I asked before and don't think she lied either when she said that she doesn't do that. 

So no exaggerations here, for lack of necessity.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I am not so interested in what a man's DIY habits are, as in I don't care if they do it daily or monthly. More concerned with if they are able to discuss this part of their life openly.

Ex never even used that scary word "masturbation" and he is a sexual prude.
Mr H is a man of steel, a man that loves sex. We had the DIY discussion within a week of meeting each other and he told me all about his past and current habits. He is open and honest which is the only way to be IMHO. 

He is the only man to have ever asked my about my own masturbation habits and I told him the truth.

We participate in mutual masturbation and he freely asks me to touch myself while we are having other forms of sex, major turn on for both of us.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

my wife and I share all but it is not something we go out of our way to do or make into a major production. I think it really depends on the comfort level of each person in the relationship. The problems come if the comfort levels do not mesh.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

A lot depends on the dynamic and health of the relationship in question. 

In my marriage to my ex, who was very LD (towards me, not others) when I revealed that I was self-pleasuring I was hoping it would interest her in something mutual or or least some way open the door to conversation about improving our sex life. Instead, it became a tool for her to use against me. At various times and in various arguments she would bring it up and make it out that I was doing something wrong, or somehow wronging her, disrespecting her, or that I was immoral and disgusting... i.e. Just generally f**king with my head. In retrospect, it was just one of many things that she used to manipulate, gaslight, and keep me off balance with. As a result I found myself hiding and denying the activity to her ... which led to an attitude of her trying to catch me, so she could berate me and tell me how 'she couldn't trust me'. Seriously messed up stuff.

Since the D, it's been something I would make no excuses for and no attempt to hide, although I don't go out of my way to announce it either. Should any of the women I was with post D have had the slightest problem with it I would have told them "there's the door". I will never again let myself be put down for something normal.

In my current relationship, I've shared when it's been asked about, but it's never been an issue one way or the other.. The overall quality of the relationship has made it pretty concern free to share such things, and I appreciate that.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

She knows all she cares to, and same in reverse. The only time we "dig" to find out what the other is doing "DIY" wise, is if we're having "sexy talk" or are teasing the other one (i.e. "guess what I'm doing right now"). I don't lie to her about it, and as far as I know, she's truthful with me about it. We don't have any hang ups about it, and we both like knowing the others "secrets" that neither of us would have shared (or did share) with anyone else before.

We DIY in front of each other likely far more than we do away from each other. Sometimes a person wants that "quick, easy relief". We're both good with that, and as such, pretty much prefer to share it with the other one versus going completely solo and covert. The exception being, sometimes the "mood strikes" and the other partner is not there. We don't go off necessarily announcing the fact to each other (again, unless we're teasing each other) but we don't make it any big secret either. 

I've also been on the other side...in relationships where, as far as I knew, she NEVER rubbed one out, and as far as she was aware, neither did I. It was all lies, that lack of openess carried over into the bedroom when we were together, and it sucked.


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## Youngwifeylovesherhubby (May 8, 2013)

When we first got together I'd open up dh's laptop and see 5 or 6 pr0n videos open. He openly admitted to masturbating at least 1x/day. It started to become an issue when he'd do it even when I was there. I made a fuss (lol jealousy). He did it in secret until I put my foot down. (it shouldn't cause issues like it did) Now he does it if I don't feel like sex for a while, but to our videos, and he always lets me know. 

I'm more of a prude. If he's with me he helps. If he's not I don't usually tell. The main difference is it doesn't interfere with our intimacy like his habit used to.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

I wanted to know because I had been in a sexless marriage. I felt it was needed info so I could figure out his drive just to rule out LD as an issue. Otherwise I never would have cared. I had never asked any of my other partners.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I had a post on this a while back on something similar to this...I asked hubby if he masterbated and he said rarely if ever anymore we make love so often. Then he said what about you....I said I masterbate usually every morning....=-O that got me an upset hubby for a couple of days! Guess he never thought I masterbated all these years... well now he wants first right of refusal...he shows up every morning in the shower...on the sofa ....before I get out of bed and asks if I need any help, sometimes he joins me, and sometimes he just enjoys the show. Who knew a couple of old dogs could learn something new.....we really enjoy this new way of enjoying each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

We kind of make a joke about it, I always say I had a date with my "pink friend" aka vibrator.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Ugh. I hate to say it, but this used to be me. I'd have some alone time and then deny it. Tons of resentment and control issues on my part. Passive-aggressive as hell, too. Makes me ill just to write about it.

I got my act together a few years back (released a lot of resentment) and am much more open about it with her. I never deny it and sometimes flat out tell her I will in advance...which gives her a chance to get involved if she is feeling it. She doesn't care if I do it as long as I am not ignoring her needs - which I am sad to say, I often did.

She's not precisely forthcoming about her solo habits but she doesn't lie when I ask, either.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My STBW and I have talked about this from time to time. The last time either of us masturbated alone was the night after our first date when we both did 

Since then, she has for me a few times, and it is only very recently that I discovered that she gets hot as hell watching me, so that's on the table now too


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I was in a couple of long term relationships in my past where I brought up this topic and was immediately met with being shut down and even both guys going so far as to say they never do it. Riiight.

I always thought that was weird, that anyone would have such a hang up about discussing it. I didn't think it was anything to be embarrassed about. I mean, I wouldn't talk about it with my neighbor, but in a committed relationship I just thought we should be open about it. 

Then I came onto forums like this one and saw all the ways that this information can be twisted and turned against you by those who think it's disgusting or wrong or somehow a slight against them. To be honest that thought never crossed my mind...call me naive.

In my marriage we discuss it often. I personally find it a huge turn on to think about and watch my H doing it and he feels the same about me. I know my H has a more steady drive than me, where mine is highly dependent upon where I am in my cycle. I know my H's threshold...going any longer than 3 days between sex and he's gonna be taking care of himself. When I am readily available, he would always prefer the real thing. Buthe knows he can get me in the mood fast if he starts telling me what he did alone and what he was thinking about earlier that day. We discuss it whenever it happens as foreplay to get some of the real action later
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

We always operated under a don't ask don't tell policy.

He didn't want to know so I didn't tell him.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

mineforever said:


> I had a post on this a while back on something similar to this...I asked hubby if he masterbated and he said rarely if ever anymore we make love so often. Then he said what about you....I said I masterbate usually every morning....=-O that got me an upset hubby for a couple of days! Guess he never thought I masterbated all these years... well now he wants first right of refusal...he shows up every morning in the shower...on the sofa ....before I get out of bed and asks if I need any help, sometimes he joins me, and sometimes he just enjoys the show. Who knew a couple of old dogs could learn something new.....we really enjoy this new way of enjoying each other.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would be tickled pink to find this out. I would love this! However, I'm very sure my wife doesn't do anything sexual in the morning.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

notmarried...Thanks for the kudos! So glad you are having fun reading the blog. I'm going to make a blog post about MB habits sometime soon.

But briefly, we have a "no masturbation without permission" rule that is in place so that we have to offer the other spouse the first right of refusal first before we take things into our own hands.

This plan works great for us because we then save up all our sexual energy for each other.

The rules are not written in stone and neither of us would freak out or anything like that if the rules were broken....it is the honor system and it keeps us honorable.

.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> notmarried...Thanks for the kudos! So glad you are having fun reading the blog. I'm going to make a blog post about MB habits sometime soon.
> 
> But briefly, we have a "no masturbation without permission" rule that is in place so that we have to offer the other spouse the first right of refusal first before we take things into our own hands.
> 
> ...


I cannot wait to read it! 

I love your rule. I think it's a cool idea, and bonding type thing as well. 

I really don't mind about my SO's habits (if they were reasonable), I know everyone is human, but it bugs me that he isn't very open about it. When he does 'confess' to something, it's normally a lie or huge under-exaggeration. 
Sometimes there are 'limp' issues, and I know it's from masturbating too much. I see the computer history, so I just put 2+2 together . . . and this happens quite often. 

Often enough that it aggravates me, because I have a very high drive. Male masturbation highly turns me on and I can't help but feel a tinge of (I don't think you could call it jealousy exactly) but resentment that I don't get any action, and that he would rather do it in front of no one instead of pleasing me by letting me watch. 

Ah, it's a much, much longer story but it boils down to the fact that I am turned off by all of it. So when he makes an advance, I feel like, "meh", (in my head of course) you'd rather be doing it yourself really, and it's been 3-5 days now. You may just need a real experience, and you ain't using me for it buddy. 

Something along those lines. It's very hard for me to articulate my feelings about it.

Which is why I asked if anyone honestly thinks that their masturbation habits are completely personal, and not at all the business of their partners' whatsoever. 

Curious to know I'm not nuts and the only one who has ever felt like this? Also can't believe I am admitting it! 

Not to blow my own horn, but I am a hot chick. I'm 34, I am 5'5" and my weight fluctuates between 105-115 lbs every few months because of a stomach issue I have. I am not going to have these assets for much longer, and quite frankly, I don't want to feel like a hyper-sexual sex goddess and not put it to good use. 

Sorry for rambling.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

notmarriedyet said:


> How many couples (married or not) who live together, and have been flat out asked about their masturbatory habits and flat out lied?


I don't think I've been "flat out asked" . . . we don't discuss it, really. It's come up, but usually in teasing or joking mode. My H seems interested in details, and some I've given him, and some I've not. I've not flat out asked him about his habits in general, either. We masturbate for each other as part of sex sometimes--he seems to really, really like to watch. 



notmarriedyet said:


> If you do it a lot, with or without porn or toys, etc. do you say "no" or greatly under exaggerate because you are genuinely embarrassed, or is it because you feel it is your own personal/private sexual self and quite frankly none of your SO's business?


I've not told him everything that I've done--he's dug for details at times but I guess I am a little embarrassed, and also think it's a little titillating to leave SOMETHING up to the imagination. 

I in no way think I owe it to him or him to me to be forthcoming with any details that make us comfortable. I see masturbation as a different activity altogether than sex with my husband. Yes, sometimes it's included with sex, but when I choose to do it alone it's usually because I don't want sex, but am feeling sexual. Or to put it another way: I am a sexual being who chooses to share that sexuality with my husband, but my sexuality also exists outside of my relationship with him. 

That being said, let me make it clear that masturbation habits have never been a "sore spot" in our relationship for either of us. It's never affected our intimacy or our sex life--both of which have had their ups and downs over the 23 years we've been together. I think we both see masturbation as private and not under the purview of the other, period. 



notmarriedyet said:


> I'm curious because I tend to feel less sexually connected if I don't know. I mean, I don't need a daily report, but I don't necessarily feel like a fully completely connected couple. Not just sexually either. I feel like if you cannot share such things I don't feel close to my SO in almost all other emotional aspects as well.


I used to feel this way because my husband was always very reluctant to tell me about his sex life before he met me. I was (and still am) intensely curious about how and when he lost his virginity, but he won't give me many details. It used to upset me because I felt like he should not have an issue about telling me after so many years--it made me feel like he didn't trust me. But I've come to realize that making an issue out of it is foolish, since it has no bearing on our relationship. Also, he doesn't want to know ANYTHING about my sexual past, so maybe he just can't fathom why I'm so interested in his. It actually turns me on a little to hear about his other conquests . . . hmmmm, maybe I should tell him THAT and see what results I can get.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> We always operated under a don't ask don't tell policy.
> 
> He didn't want to know so I didn't tell him.


How depressing. I DO want to know. But the only time we've ever had that conversation it was deny, deny, deny. She said she has never masturbated.


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

We also have a "no masturbation without permission" agreement. My wife is highly insulted if I masturbate especially if porn is involved. She says that to her it is a form of 'cheating' on her. She also has an uncanny ability to tell that I have masturbated. If she suspects that I have, she will ask me directly and I am not good at lying. Sometimes, without asking, she will just attempt to get me hard and if I cannot get an erection (usually takes just 30 seconds or so) she confirms her suspicion and then I have to deal with the consequences. As a result, I haven’t looked at any porn in years and go directly to her when I need relief. Fortunately, she rarely turns me down or at the least she has me ‘perform’ for her.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

notmarried...I always find it strange that adults can't share their MB habits with their spouses, too. I mean, it seems like the only reasons not to share would be:


1. You have shame yourself about your own habits.

2. Your spouse has shamed you about your habits or you know they would in advance.


I'm just really lucky that neither of these two are true in my marriage (I don't think either of us would have gotten married to each other at all if number 2 were true).

But we also developed our rules over time, and adapted as we fell more and more in love. We asked about and shared info about all kinds of sexual history, including MB habits, in the first year we were together. And in fact, he was the one who initially wanted the "no MB without permission" rule, not the other way around. I immediately agreed to it BECAUSE I knew it meant that he was also promising to "take care of me".

I mean, yes, MB-ing is great and an important part of an individual's sex life. But if MB-ing was more important than partnered sex to either of us? Again, we just wouldn't have gotten involved deeper with each other.

Porn to me is actually a separate topic. My H and I both like it, but neither of us are emotionally attached to it. Also my husband being very sexually wise, knows that over time your body and mind will become "deadened" to the fun effects of porn and it won't be as exciting anymore if you continually fill your mind with it. So he had made his own choice before meeting me of not just rampantly using it without regard to the effects it can have. 

I encourage everyone to just be open and honest and work through these issues in a way that both spouses can be happy with.

.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't think my wife masturbates. Never asked her but the other day when she saw a toy I had bought her (over a year ago... never used) she said she'd save that for when I'm not available. OK.

We mentioned masturbation about two months ago and she asked me if I masturbated. (I think it was "You don;t masturbate, do you?"). I told her I did. She then said she doesn't want me to do that and I should save my orgasms for her.

I explained to her that I had been masturbating for the past 45 years and unless she was going to meet my sexual drive (3-5 times per week, which she will never do), then I'll take care of myself.

I have always been reluctant to let my wife now I masturbated as I didn't want her to see it as an acceptable substitution for a sexual relationship with her.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> I don't think my wife masturbates. Never asked her but the other day when she saw a toy I had bought her (over a year ago... never used) she said she'd save that for when I'm not available. OK.
> 
> We mentioned masturbation about two months ago and she asked me if I masturbated. (I think it was "You don;t masturbate, do you?"). I told her I did. She then said she doesn't want me to do that and I should save my orgasms for her.
> 
> ...


I wish my SO felt the same way as that last line of your post! That would be a dream come true for me. 

Instead, I have been feeling like he actually prefers it over me, and I am really very turned off by it. When he finally makes an advance, I feel like second choice. So I have quit initiating altogether because I am so aggravated with all of it. And it sucks because I like to be the initiator as well . . .


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

H does not like to talk about it. I recently told him I would like to watch him. I believe he said - what's the point of that!? 

I would be put off if I felt he prefered solo to being with me. However I have never felt that way (18 years of marriage.) 

He's never asked about me - I wish he would want to talk about it and would find it a turn on like I do.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> H does not like to talk about it. I recently told him I would like to watch him. I believe he said - what's the point of that!?
> 
> I would be put off if I felt he prefered solo to being with me. However I have never felt that way (18 years of marriage.)
> 
> He's never asked about me - I wish he would want to talk about it and would find it a turn on like I do.


I totally understand where you're coming from. 

I can't help but feel some level of deceit and/or secrecy with it. I just feel like two people who are supposed to be sooooo connected on such a deep level (as in a marriage for example) should be able to share it the most intimate parts of themselves. Otherwise it's not really being fully connected, there's always going to be this distance that I can feel between us. 

And as for him not asking, I hate that too! It's like ok, you don't say anything, I won't say anything, and we will just pretend these sides of us don't exist.

But yeah, we're totally soulmates.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

eyuop said:


> I would be tickled pink to find this out. I would love this! However, I'm very sure my wife doesn't do anything sexual in the morning.



Too bad, the morning's the best time.....you're rested, it's well known that hormones are higher in the morning, and you can lay in bed for a few minutes and think about it. We have some of our best sex in the morning!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Youngwifeylovesherhubby said:


> When we first got together I'd open up dh's laptop and see 5 or 6 pr0n videos open. He openly admitted to masturbating at least 1x/day. It started to become an issue when he'd do it even when I was there. I made a fuss (lol jealousy). He did it in secret until I put my foot down. (it shouldn't cause issues like it did) Now he does it if I don't feel like sex for a while, but to our videos, and he always lets me know.
> 
> I'm more of a prude. If he's with me he helps. If he's not I don't usually tell. The main difference is it doesn't interfere with our intimacy like his habit used to.


Well it sounds like you have him under control......

the woodchuck


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## Youngwifeylovesherhubby (May 8, 2013)

*Re: Re: Sharing Masturbation Habit Info With Your SO*



notmarriedyet said:


> I wish my SO felt the same way as that last line of your post! That would be a dream come true for me.
> 
> Instead, I have been feeling like he actually prefers it over me, and I am really very turned off by it. When he finally makes an advance, I feel like second choice. So I have quit initiating altogether because I am so aggravated with all of it. And it sucks because I like to be the initiator as well . . .


That is the reason I put up boundaries at first. The breaking point was one morning when I was woken up by dh (then bf) cuddling with me. Without even trying to see if I was awake he pulled out the laptop and plugged in headphones and started wanking. It made me feel like he would rather masturbate than have sex. 

At that moment I hated porn and everything about it. I can never measure up to the fake (oYo) and overdone sounds and anything else about those girls. It's one thing to do it when your gf/wife isn't around, but to do it when they're next to you is beyond my understanding. 


The next issue was when he was doing it in secret. To the point where he deleted the history on his computer because he didn't want me to find out. That's when I had to say no more. 






Woodchuck said:


> Well it sounds like you have him under control......
> 
> the woodchuck




Not under control. He is free to do it at any point he wants. He chooses to let me know, and the reason I let him take the videos and pictures of me is so he had a visual. He doesn't need to be sexually interested in another female nor does he need to be disillusioned by porn. 

I cannot control him. If he wants to watch porn he is more than able to because I work 7 days/week. He *chooses* to respect my feelings on this, and that's a huge reason why I love this man. 


That and he cooks and cleans while I work  lol


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## E.McKenna (Jun 29, 2013)

Being able to discuss MB openly is a great way to feel close to your SO. If you can do it together, that is the ultimate form of acceptance and confidence IMO.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

E.McKenna said:


> Being able to discuss MB openly is a great way to feel close to your SO. If you can do it together, that is the ultimate form of acceptance and confidence IMO.


I agree. We've done it together a handful of times. We both loved it. Which is why the rest of the situation makes me so frustrated and feel so crappy. 

I finally let go and told him everything that was bothering me last night. I mean I bared my soul, and it was difficult. To make a long story short, I told him the reason I don't want sex is because I know he is looking at 18 year old girls on his phone ALL DAY. so many sites that I couldn't even go thru them all. Daily. And that I feel he'd rather yank it with the phone than do anything with me. 

Yet the most attention that gets paid to my body is a quickie in the shower every other day. No, "you look nice today" or massages, or even bothering to sensually touch me. 

I told him I'm not willing to give up the sexual part of myself. That as things stand as they are, I'm not comfortable being that sexual person with him. 

He listened to what I had to say, he paid attention, asked why I didn't say something sooner, and that was that. Sooooo, I guess I wasted my breath?


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## E.McKenna (Jun 29, 2013)

I am so sorry. My husband does that too. All day long he bombards himself with young perfect body naked chicks. He says that I benefit from it. I have questioned how that is so, because it seems to me that he is trying to get turned on enough so he can have sex with me-an average woman. He denies that is case, but I still have to wonder. So, I can understand where you are coming from... 

I have asked my husband how he'd feel if I was looking at young perfect college males all day on my phone every spare minute of the day...lol...He said it wouldn't bother him at all.

I'm curious to see what other males have to say about this ....


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

I posted a thread over in the relationships and addiction forum about this. 

It's basically about how I am convinced he's totally addicted to porn - which I do believe he is. 

I asked for some advice on websites or forums I could direct him to (besides this one!!) so he could read about it and maybe relate to other people about it. He expressed to me that he wants to talk/discuss/explain things to me, but wants to gather his thoughts to be sure he doesn't say anything to hurt me any more deeply. So, I wanted to find him some resources. 

I tried to explain its gonna hurt, and hurt, and then hurt, no matter how its discussed. 

I was kinda surprised everyone thought I should pack up and run the hell out of my relationship. 

I'm even starting to think I should. 

That porn addiction is too difficult to overcome, and if he isn't interested in overcoming it, it's going to escalate because he'll eventually need more thrill and variety. 

I agree, agree, agree, but there's a lot more to this man than his possible (likely) addiction. And note to our relationship, obviously. 

Sorry to ramble, I guess I just need somewhere to put it!


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Too bad this thread turned into another one about porn addiction and/or porn bashing. It started out as something different and more interesting. Now it's just another one of those discussions.

Oh well.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Jaharthur,

Out of pure curiosity, do you think it's reasonable to leave my fiancé because of a possible porn addiction? 

He's open to working things out, talking to me, being less reserved about masturbation habits with me - Which just so happens to be a very important thing to me regarding our sex life for the rest of our lives. In this process, we've become far more sexually active and sexually connected. We are learning more about each other and also each others "alone time" which turns out, we were BOTH very interested in. 

But if he has possible addiction issues with this, do you think I should bail, simply because we aren't married? Or keep my promise to marry him? Do I owe him any less as simply a fiancé than I would if we were married? I'm interested in your opinion. 

Also, I'm not opposed to porn per se. Just an FYI tidbit.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

My wife knows I take care of myself from time to time.... usually, with porn. HOWEVER.... It DOES NOT interfere with our sex life... and its NEVER when she is home.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

I should amend that statement about not having a problem with porn. 

It's just that when your SO only has desire to look at 18-20 year olds in porn, actively seeks ONLY that genre (why? is that the only thing he's attracted to?) no, it's no phase, it's been like that since the beginning of porn watching and has never strayed from it. He doesn't switch it up here and there, it's always gotta be something of that genre. Period. 

That's what is bothersome about the porn with me. That's my own personal issue with it. Just saying. 

And I have had a hard time wrapping my head around that. 

Sometimes I think I need to just forget about ever having a relationship, find a "sugar daddy" if you will 60+ year old man, who will appreciate my body and worship it more than porn. Be able to whack off to my naked pictures instead. They ain't too shabby ... or so I thought ....

Sorry I'm such an emotional mess and pretty much all over the place this week. Hormones & bipolar don't mix well.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

notmarriedyet said:


> Jaharthur,
> 
> Out of pure curiosity, do you think it's reasonable to leave my fiancé because of a possible porn addiction?
> 
> ...


Well, since you asked . . . .

Addiction to anything is a potential problem. Is it interfering with your relationship? Does he choose porn and masturbation over the living, breathing woman next to him? If so, then I'd say you better be looking to fix it before taking the marriage plunge. If it can be fixed.

Short of addiction that's actively interfering with the relationship, I don't think you have the right to know all details of what he's doing on his own time.

Others disagree.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

notmarriedyet said:


> I should amend that statement about not having a problem with porn.
> 
> It's just that when your SO only has desire to look at 18-20 year olds in porn, actively seeks ONLY that genre (why? is that the only thing he's attracted to?) no, it's no phase, it's been like that since the beginning of porn watching and has never strayed from it. He doesn't switch it up here and there, it's always gotta be something of that genre. Period.
> 
> ...



How old are you?

Most porn actresses are 18-24, unless you actively look for MILF porn. For that reason, that's the genre most guys looking at porn will be viewing.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

jaharthur said:


> How old are you?
> 
> Most porn actresses are 18-24, unless you actively look for MILF porn. For that reason, that's the genre most guys looking at porn will be viewing.


I am 34. I realize most actresses are those ages. 

That being said, there are other categories he could "google" ie big butts boobs, cream *** solo, gang bang, threesome, lesbian, etc i could go on and on and on and on. 

But no - it's 18 ONLY. that's it. 

I get what you're saying, but that's not the point....


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

NMY, I missed your self-description before now.



> Not to blow my own horn, but I am a hot chick. I'm 34, I am 5'5" and my weight fluctuates between 105-115 lbs every few months


Sounds to me like you're not much different than the 18-20 year olds, so you shouldn't feel like you can't measure up.

If you have ANY doubts about your partner, I'd say don't get married. You need to be absolutely sure you're a match.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

Thank you, I appreciate your views and advice 

We're trying to be sure. We're working on some issues, including premarital counseling.


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