# whattodo



## blah (Oct 14, 2009)

Any advice please! I have been married for four years and we have not really been happy. We have a beatiful boy who is almost three. We do not get a long very well. We have very different interests. Things have not been good from the day we got married. On our wedding day I ended up sitting in the house where we were married opening presents by myself while my husband hung out with his friends outside. In my eyes, he is very selfish, although he may not agree. When our son was born I had to stay in the hospital, and he left us there by ourselves so that he can hang out with his buddies. I don't feel like my husband is a very family oriented guy. Every day when he comes home he plops on to the couch and watches tv until he falls asleep at 8pm, the time my son goes to sleep, so we never have any alone time. I have not slept by my husband in the last two weeks. We don't really play, laugh, talk, sex is very rare, or go out and do things together. He has lied about things in the past, so I don't really trust him. Everything is always his way or the highway. And he never does anything around the house, and when he does it is half a**. He works and I am going to school full time. I don't really want a divorce, but I feel like we need time apart. I really would like to just have an apartment by myself, with my son ofcourse. I just don't have any more energy to try to make it work. We tried counseling last year and we got along for about a month after that, and than it was back to same old. He is not affectionate. We kiss maybe once every two weeks, and never hug! Uggh, it just makes me sad. I don't mean to be rude, but are all guys like this? Because I always here that the grass is not greener on the other side.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

No, not all guys are like this. You are right that he's selfish. He's not ready to be married. And you shouldn't put up with a guy like this. Can't call him a "man" because he's not a man. A man lives up to his responsibilities.

I guarantee that it wouldn't be difficult to replace this "guy" with a real man.


----------



## blah (Oct 14, 2009)

Ha ha. Thanks. Sometimes I feel like it is my fault. That I am ungrateful. I honestly think we are together because we don't know how to let go. And we just bought a house a year ago, mainly for stability for our son. But I don't to set a bad example for my son either. My husband and I have gone from arguing a lot, to just putting up with each other. I haven't slept in our bedroom for about three weeks, and it doesn't both me or him. But, when I have mentioned divorce before he said he would not leave the house and I had to move out. He also said that he will take the child, which is just silly because I am the primary caretaker. I have taken my son with me everywhere while my husband does his own thing, whether it is sports or hunting. I am not the type of person who would ever take a child away from his father. I am hoping that if we do separate we can just peacefully agree on custody, 50/50. We both love our son very much and he is our main concern. Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it!


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

What was different for the month you tried counseling? What did he do differently, and what did you do differently?


----------



## blah (Oct 14, 2009)

I am not sure what was different honestly. I think it was just the fact that he was willing to go and share his feelings with a counselor while I was there. He does NOT ever talk about his feelings. We were a little nicer to each other for that month and understood a little more about what each spouse needs in a marriage. Unfortunately that died off very quickly. But I know he is capable of feeling because once he came home from work very upset because his coworker were mad at him. They wrongly accused him of stealing. He was so upset I thought he was going to cry. He even called his coworkers on the phone and spoke with them for about an hour explaining to them why he was upset and how much he cared about their friendship. I was shocked to say the least. That was behavior I had never seen. When we are in a fight and not talking, it is just like 'whatever', and when I do try to talk about us he spaces out, watched tv, or gets mad and stop talkign altogether.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Have you read the book 'The 5 Love Languages' by Chapman? It might give you some insight regarding how people feel loved in different ways...there is a quiz at the end...it would be interesting for both of you to take it and see if you have differences there.


----------



## blah (Oct 14, 2009)

We actually got that book for a wedding gift. I tried to involve my husband in reading the book, but he wasn't interested. In fact, I think I volunteered to read it out loud so that both of us are involved, but he fell asleep, and defnitely was not interested. However, I am thinking about getting the book The Love Dare. Maybe I just need to reach outside myself and really make an effort to show my love for my husband. We'll see. I appreciate your advice.


----------

