# should I wait?



## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

I've been with her for six years. We have had many obstacles such as infidelity by her. She suffers from depression. We have a boy together who just turned one and she has a daughter from a previous relationship. I've been fighting for the relationship to work out for a long time. But for the last few months she has been very distant and short with me. It's off and on though. She will be sweet for a day and then for the next few days she is just well blah. Last week she told me that she needs to deal with her depression and figure out how to be happy. She has never lived on her own before. She signed a lease and took the kids. I've been alone here for a week now and the loneliness is killing me. Going from kids playing, yo gabba gabba or spongebob, and doing things like picking up, and changing diapers to absolute silence is killing me. She tells me she still loves me and wants to work on couples counseling and she said she is going to go on meds. But she is being distant while over there. she's not always replying to me. I love her so much but I don't want to be a fool. Maybe I should move on. Any words of advice or just another perspective would be appreciated.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I know the feeling bro. It sucks bad how long a lease did she sign? I would be doing some snooping for another infidelity issue again. Something has happened that has made her feel comfortable to leave home as others state here. The on and off again I dont know. I would implement the 180 and go from there. I would also pursue a legal separation. 

Has she been seeing a therapist for the depression?


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

Thanks for relating man. she signed a year lease. I have a feeling she's cheating. I asked her if she was and she promised she wasn't and says she still loves me. but it just doesn't make sense. having known her for a long time, I have a feeling that she wouldn't leave unless something made her comfortable. so i agree with that. She started seeing a therapist this week. sigh. I don't know if I'll be able to ignore her texts and calls. uggh.


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

oh and i just registered on here today. What is the 180 again? sorry if that's a silly question.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I did the investagation and it paid off, there was another man that influence the dynamics of my marriage.

The thing is my wife was not going to commit to repairing the marriage as long as there was another man in her life. counseling will be worthless if your wife is being influenced by someone else.

I strongly suggest you truely see what your up against by quitely investigate the possiblity by looking at phone records and creditcards.

Alot can be told by looking at her cell phone when she is in the shower or she stepps out. It will be tough since shes out of the house.

hiring a PI is very expencive, so maybe you can have a relitive or close friend follow her.

What ever you need to do you need to make sure your efforts to repair the relationship are worth it by finding out why she left the security and stability of a man to "be on her own".

Keyloggers and VAR are also helpful, but in your case its all about access.


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

Thank you very much. I don't think I'm going to do any of that. I am going to move on. I don't want to snoop. I already went through her cheating on me before. I'd rather move on than deal with the heartbreak of someone else being in the picture. If she wants to be with me then she would. Actions speak louder than words and so does silence. The only thing I'm worried about is succumbing to the texts and numbers. Maybe I should change my number.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I completely understand,
My WW knows that if her behaviors starts up, I'm gone.
So I can totaly see were your coming from.
Change the number you can always contact other folks with the new #


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

did you get the info on the 180?


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

No. I didn't.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Basicaly,
Do a 180 is making a change for your self and not for her. To focus on your self and stop doing the things that you have or currantly or doing.
Distance your self from your wife and look at things you can do different for your self, to make you a better person.

For instance you come home for work and have a beer, well the new you will get home from work and lift wieghts then have a beer.

In some cases like many of us here tell there wife they love them and it is said on a daily bases, well the new you will stop saying I love you to some one that doesn't respect you.

My 180 is spending more time with my kids and stop being so wishy washy in my dicision making, These days I'm not as concerned about not pissing my W off as I am about getting what I want, wether she likes it or not she is going to hear what I have to say.

Go to men forum on this site there is a list of all kinds of helpful tips. You might be able to find it by doing a search

It will help you make the changes you need to get through this crap


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

The 180

Marriage Builders® Discussion Forums: Divorce busting 180 degree list

Why are you not seeking scheduling for you to have your children 50 50?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

guy, thanks! that sounds like a great idea. I'm going to start the 180. alphaomega, thanks for the link. she's going to drop my son off weekly. As far as 50 50, I've just been a mess and haven't been as proactive as I should be in demanding things. I need to see him more. I don't want to miss him growing.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Are you also a nice guy?

Go here and read

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html#post203856

Maybe you will find yourself in those topics, and how to fix that part of you during your 180
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

I am. I need to man up. I'm looking into those links.


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_
So with the 180, let's say she wants to stop by for a while (more than just dropping off son), should I say no? She hasn't but im just trying to be prepared.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I would tell her, that I'm on my way out, and see you later when I bring him back. Let her miss you. Remember, people don't always tell the truth. There is a strong possiblity that another man is lurking by. Be careful since she is diagnosed depression, she will have our son. You will need to stay close so you can protect your son. Not saying she would do anything, but in her depressed states you don't want your son to have to endure. Moving on is a hard, but a good thing.


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## whererusunlight? (Sep 3, 2011)

She wouldn't hurt my son but I do not like someone else being around him. I miss him.
But I've also come to a different perspective this morning. Perhaps being alone is not that bad. It's all a matter of how you perceive it, right? I need to dwell on all the fun stuff I can do now. All the dreams I put on the backburner. I've been trying to reestablish old friendships. I'm meeting with a couple of people tomorrow. I wish I had a big group of friends who I could just go out with to take my mind off this but I've been so invested in the family for the last several years that I've kind of neglected them. 
I'm sitting here watching the Mizzou and Miami game with my dog snoring on my lap. Doesn't feel too bad now. We'll see in a couple of hours though.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

That's right, it's all perception. I too came to the realization that living alone after being part of a family ain't all bad, and some really good. Get out there by yourself. Nothing more attractive than a strong man out there eating, going to the movies, shopping, etc just generally appearing to enjoy life.


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