# Why did I cheat on the perfect husband?



## BettyCooper (Oct 28, 2015)

I have been married for 4 years with a man I love dearly, but I cheated on him for about 1/2 a year with a former co-worker. I only did it for the attention so I changed jobs. I love my husband and now I cannot stop thinking about what I did to him. We lost our home due to a fire and are living with friends until our home gets repaired, which has put a lot of stress on both of us. I have become very jealous and self-conscious. I am always checking his cell phone, email, calling him at work. I imagine that if I was able to cheat on him and he has not found out, the same could happen to me (Karma). But with him I imagine that he will fall in love and leave me. If I love my husband so much and I would describe him as the perfect husband, why did I cheat on him? If my husband is not doing anything wrong, why do I keep thinking he is cheating on me?


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

@BettyCooper are you in therapy? if not log off and find a good therapist..because I can not fathom why you would cheat on a good spouse...do yo have any clue why you did this?

does your H know? If not time to confess...And why are you snooping on him - he should be snooping on you....


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Why ask why?

I swear I've seen this post somewhere other than TAM.

Anyway. Make sure you don't do it again. Start by confessing. Your husband should have the choice to stay married to you or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Why ask why?
> 
> I swear I've seen this post somewhere other than TAM.
> 
> ...


:iagree:^^^^

And get STD tested the both of you.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

It is called "Projection".

When a cheating spouse projects their behavior onto the innocent spouse.

If you did it, why can't he? - Character, morals, honesty, commitment - to name a few reasons - which are generally lacking in a cheating spouse.

How would you feel if you husband did cheat and not tell you about it?


----------



## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

You've NUKED your marriage. Here's your choices and they both end badly for you. You can confess to your husband and if he has any self worth, he will leave you or you can keep it a secret and let the guilt & paranoia eat you alive.

Sorry, you royally screwed up, hope it was good?


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

BettyCooper said:


> I have been married for 4 years with a man I love dearly, but I cheated on him for about 1/2 a year with a former co-worker. I only did it for the attention so I changed jobs. I love my husband and now I cannot stop thinking about what I did to him. We lost our home due to a fire and are living with friends until our home gets repaired, which has put a lot of stress on both of us. I have become very jealous and self-conscious. I am always checking his cell phone, email, calling him at work. I imagine that if I was able to cheat on him and he has not found out, the same could happen to me (Karma). But with him I imagine that he will fall in love and leave me. If I love my husband so much and I would describe him as the perfect husband, why did I cheat on him? If my husband is not doing anything wrong, why do I keep thinking he is cheating on me?


It's guilt.

Have you considered confessing your infidelity to your husband?

You mentioned that you changed jobs... are you still in contact w/ your affair partner in ANY way (i.e. e-mail, texting, Facebook, Instagram, etc)?


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

The "attention and compliments" deficit disorder back for another round.

If you really want to know why you did this, I can only suggest the most common/likely reason. You are selfish, jealous, and immature. You crave more attention and adoration than your husband can possibly give. So, you feel you've been somehow slighted, and deserve to supplement it.

Did you somehow manage to skip the fault finding stage in regard to your husband? It is much easier to cheat when you invent or imagine wrongs or shortcomings in your spouse. He must have done "something" to push you to such an unseemly activity....


----------



## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

You answered your own question (Attention) That's something you need to get help for. My husband says the same thing. That he thought I was the perfect wife & he can't understand why he did it. Now he's afraid I'll cheat too.I think it was an attention thing for him too. I hope you get the help you need.


----------



## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Why ask why?
> 
> I swear I've seen this post somewhere other than TAM.
> 
> ...


Word...I confessed immediately when she asked...without hesitation. I told her that I would accept any decision she chose. She chose to stay with me...as long as I met certain conditions, which I have been upholding ever since (12/19/14).


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

you posted the same question on loveshack.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You're addicted to chaos


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
My suggestion. Don't tell him, but you owe him. You owe him your absolute trust until you see irrefutable evidence that he has betrayed you. Then you are just even.

Or leave.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Runs like Dog said:


> You're addicted to chaos


YouTube - Megadeth - Addicted To Chaos


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You made the decision to cheat on your husband because you wanted to.

This story seem familiar. Did this happen a while ago?


----------



## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

You are asking WHY did you cheat on your perfect husband.

Well my lady you cheated on him because you wanted it,and you keep doing it.

You never thought about his emotions,pain and love for you. 

Why did you stop Affair ? Is it because you were fired from job so you couldnt keep contact with lover boy or is it because you wake up ?


Go and talk wih your husband my lady.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You met the OM, lusted after him, and gave into lust. He wanted you and you wanted him. Your husband did not even factor into your decision making process. 

Getting attention, ego kibbles, and validation are all just icing and sprinkles on top.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It's possible you doubted your husband's love for you. After all, if he was the perfect man, the perfect husband, why would he choose you?

So, you decided to test him by having an affair.

After all, he's perfect? He should be able to spot that you were cheating on him?

But he trusted you (that was dumb of him?) and never realised you were playing him for a fool.

Or maybe you subconsciously decided it would be a great s**t test. If you cheated on him and if he forgave you, you'd know he really loved you?

Or are you the cakeeater type who wants to keep the cake whole, yet to plough your teeth through it like a good 'un at the same time?

Your groundless suspicions will eventually clue your husband in to what you did. Which will be bad.

Confess to him and arrange counselling for yourself -to help fix the broken bits of your personality- and couple's counselling for you two.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

harrybrown said:


> you posted the same question on loveshack.


Dear Cupid as well. 
That site does not require a profile to post but OP Created one there,
which is a good sign. 
Not following up is a bad sign.
This is a much better forum for this Question than Dear Cupid.


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Betty,

One simple answer, is that you had low boundaries with this co-worker, and when you combine that with time and constant contact it leads to an affair. 

This is the kind of affair we are all vulnerable to, and is quite different from the kind of affair a serial cheater engages in.

Having said that in no way reduces your guilt in this cheating is cheating.

Confess to your husband, confess and make your apology to the other mans wife, and be right with the world.

Tamat


----------



## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Nobody's perfect…. my guess would be that you needed/wanted attention and admiration. Maybe you wanted to feel that infatuation chemical thing again. You wanted someone to look you in the eye….You didn't think for a minute about H- not even a nano second. It was all about you….

so it didn't matter if he was perfect or not 

Good for you that its over and done. Devote yourself to your H. If you don't tell him you will be riddled with guilt and it will come out in all sorts of unflattering ways.(speaking from experience) If you do tell him you may lose your marriage or build a better one because you will both figure out why you cheated on a perfectly good husband and safeguard against it happening again.

Good luck I hope you make it


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think your checking your BH for signs that he is cheating is a signal that you feel unworthy of him, the perfect husband. You are a cheating wife who doesn't have the courage to confess, so you find another way to punish yourself, i.e., you lose your M because he has rejected his unworthy WW via his own infidelity. It's really cowardice all around on your part, since you would be able to blame him for the failure of your M without ever coming clean about your own betrayal.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)




----------



## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Betty Cooper
With the posts that you have already gotten you should have a good idea as to why you cheated.
NOW, a very important question for you is this. 
*WHAT are you going to do to build yourself back up?*

One reason why you building yourself back up is so very important is that no man wants a jealous, guilty, weak woman, that has betrayed them. *You can get a LOT better if you take your consequences and take the right actions to build yourself back up.* Set monthly goals and realize that to build you back up will take years. Do not get discouraged and never give up.

You do not have the option of just coasting because you have already hurt yourself deeply and you will continue to go down unless you take the right actions and yes those actions will be hard and you will have to do them for a long time. If you don’t then you will have to fake it that our emotions are healthy and that will eventually crumble you.

Your choice is for you to cop-out or take your consequences and take right actions that will build you up. One way is down and the other way is up.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> Dear Cupid as well.
> That site does not require a profile to post but OP Created one there,
> which is a good sign.
> Not following up is a bad sign.
> This is a much better forum for this Question than Dear Cupid.


*Now I am totally ecstatic that there are some of my fellow TAMer's who do have the time to peruse and read the posts of other marriage related websites and alert those of us who are TAM purists!

The questions still remain, most notably: what consciable justification other than your own personal self gratification would have made you commit that sordid, deceptive act; and don't you think that you owe him a confession as well as all of the details of your tryst? 

After all, don't you feel that he is entitled to receive medical attention for a potential STD malady?

What you did is just totally "wrong" and I, as well as the other decent people here who have experienced the pain of such actions in our own personal lives, have absolutely little to no compassion for it!

First, seek forgiveness from God by confessing your actions to your H, then seeking that same forgiveness from him!

Anything else just simply replicates those deceptive behavioral patterns of yours!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Why ask why?
> 
> I swear I've seen this post somewhere other than TAM.
> 
> ...


Def seems lot of troll posting being launched.


----------



## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

it happens when it rains a lot I notice they crawl in


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jdawg2015 said:


> Def seems lot of troll posting being launched.


So just because someone seeks advice on a forum, doesn't get the help they wanted, if they then post their question on another forum, that automatically makes them a troll? :wtf:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

BettyCooper said:


> I have been married for 4 years with a man I love dearly, but I cheated on him for about 1/2 a year with a former co-worker. I only did it for the attention so I changed jobs. I love my husband and now I cannot stop thinking about what I did to him. We lost our home due to a fire and are living with friends until our home gets repaired, which has put a lot of stress on both of us. I have become very jealous and self-conscious. I am always checking his cell phone, email, calling him at work. I imagine that if I was able to cheat on him and he has not found out, the same could happen to me (Karma). But with him I imagine that he will fall in love and leave me. If I love my husband so much and I would describe him as the perfect husband, why did I cheat on him? If my husband is not doing anything wrong, why do I keep thinking he is cheating on me?


Unless you're a sociopath, keeping this a secret and just carrying on will eat you alive. You can't comprehend it yet - but the guilt and anxiety will become unbearable, if you have any conscience at all.

That being said - your husband deserves to know, so that he can make the decision to leave you or try to reconcile. It's going to crush him, and you have no idea about the rollercoaster you are in for - that you're both in for. And he WILL find out eventually, they always do. The longer you leave it, the more chances increase he'll discover it instead of being told, and the less likely that you can save your marriage. Unless he's like me - cheating was a dealbreaker. I divorced my exww. You might get lucky and he gives you another shot.

Either way - tell him. Or it will erode your soul, little by little, day by day.


----------



## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

What is a troll post?
What is a zombie thread?
Thank you.


----------



## Retribution (Apr 30, 2012)

VeryHurt said:


> What is a troll post?
> What is a zombie thread?
> Thank you.


1. A troll post is one where the OP or another poster puts information on the thread with the intent of getting a negative response, usually by ruffling a few feathers.

2. A zombie thread is one that had finished and has lied dormant in the archives until somebody, usually without knowledge of it being an old thread, posts in it, thus "resurrecting" the post back to the top of the threads. It has effectively come back from the dead.


----------



## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Retribution said:


> 1. A troll post is one where the OP or another poster puts information on the thread with the intent of getting a negative response, usually by ruffling a few feathers.
> 
> 2. A zombie thread is one that had finished and has lied dormant in the archives until somebody, usually without knowledge of it being an old thread, posts in it, thus "resurrecting" the post back to the top of the threads. It has effectively come back from the dead.


Like fluorescent colors and Parachute Pants


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MarriedDude said:


> Like fluorescent colors and Parachute Pants


What? My parachute pants are out of style?


----------



## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Because you didn't realise what you had until you screwed it up. If there's a next time make better choices. Think about the torment and heartache that is inflicted on others when you make selfish choices.


----------



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> What? My parachute pants are out of style?


Mine aren't.

I look like a smooth criminal with my white parachute pants and black de la soul underwear.


----------



## Mrtruth (Aug 20, 2015)

What parachute pants are out of style? What is next saying mullets are out of style!


----------



## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*Unless you're a sociopath, keeping this a secret and just carrying on will eat you alive.*

That's interesting...so one of the sociopath's traits is being able to bury stuff like this with no ill effect?...did not know that, and I'm being sincerely enlightened here...


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

TAMAT said:


> This is the kind of affair we are all vulnerable to,


No, no it is not. Speak for yourself. Don't speak for others, because you don't have a clue as to what you're talking about.


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> I think your checking your BH for signs that he is cheating is a signal that you feel unworthy of him, the perfect husband. You are a cheating wife who doesn't have the courage to confess, so you find another way to punish yourself, i.e., you lose your M because he has rejected his unworthy WW via his own infidelity. It's really cowardice all around on your part, since you would be able to blame him for the failure of your M without ever coming clean about your own betrayal.


This is what my exww said. She told me she feared every single day I would cheat/leave her, and eventually she cheated sort of as a preemptive strike. Pure insanity.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mrtruth said:


> What parachute pants are out of style? What is next saying *mullets are out of style*!


:surprise:




Dammit! Now I gotta go to the barber again!


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)




----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mullets were so badass.....


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

There were some hot men with mullets. Sigh.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Toyah Willcox. I had such a crush on her! Oh, hang on! I still do! She is a fellow Brummie. 









Sorry. Just thought I'd mention that.


----------



## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Matt ...O.M.G.
Toya
All I can say is id love her and Jonathan Ross to sing the gween gween gwass of home together :smile2:

or better still with this guy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJj2ei6WNQs


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

https://terrymarotta.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/leisure-suits-from-the-70s.jpg

Now that was Style!


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

deg20 said:


> *Unless you're a sociopath, keeping this a secret and just carrying on will eat you alive.*
> 
> That's interesting...so one of the sociopath's traits is being able to bury stuff like this with no ill effect?...did not know that, and I'm being sincerely enlightened here...


A sociopath enjoys giving others pain. They'd probably tell and rub it in.

A narcisist is able to bury it though. They will place all blame on the BS so they don't feel any gilt.


----------



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Healer said:


>


Oh yeah.

Business in the front

Party in the back


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Toyah Willcox. I had such a crush on her! Oh, hang on! I still do! She is a fellow Brummie.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Speak English. What's a brummie?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Speak English. What's a brummie?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A person born in Birmingham in the English Midlands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> A person born in Birmingham in the English Midlands.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Also Toyah, Ross And the clip I posted from ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES with Tony Angelino are all lispers of the highest order


sigh ,
'Only Fools And Horses'....sure wish they could make comedy of that calibre these days


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

G.J. said:


> Also Toyah, Ross And the clip I posted from ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES with Tony Angelino are all lispers of the highest order
> 
> 
> sigh ,
> 'Only Fools And Horses'....sure wish they could make comedy of that calibre these days


Toyah's lisp is so sexy.

Perhaps it's a sort of a hangover from when she was a child and suffered from a major speech impediment?


----------

