# Ladies - how do you feel about the cold approach?



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

For single gals obviously. If a guy just walks up to you on the street or on the train or wherever and makes it be known he finds you attractive, and maybe wants your number...does that freak you out? Creepy? If you find him charming and attractive will you give him your digits or email? Does it depend on how he does it/what he says? What would work in terms of approach? Or is it just a big no-no altogether?

I'm newly single after being married for 13 years, and I'm curious about this. Thanks!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Healer said:


> For single gals obviously. If a guy just walks up to you on the street or on the train or wherever and makes it be known he finds you attractive, and maybe wants your number...does that freak you out? Creepy?


Nope. I think it's extremely flattering. Especially if he is a hottie, like you, Healer.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'm not single but when it did happen I was flattered,embarrassed,and immediately suspicious.

But I'm a weirdo.There are tons of normal people out there who really like this approach.I say give it a whirl!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lol Scarlet. 



FrenchFry said:


> But why I let down my huuuge wall for him *was just because of the amount of honesty--he had no preamble or anything*, just came across the table from me and told me he thought I was beautiful.
> 
> if you are feeling it, go for it.


Those are the best. No games!


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

wow, nice to know.......It's a big risk for a guy.....It's either going to work famously or it's the walk of shame.......shot down in flames.......


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm newly single myself, so it might freak me out a bit, but would also be flattering. The trick, I think, would be to not be bad at it and to take a polite "no" for an answer the first time. 

I work in a male-dominated industry. I've heard way more than my share of inappropriate comments and bad pick-up lines, and dealt with far too many guys who thought a polite "no" meant "try again in a few minutes and be sure to say something mildly skeevy about my tits next time".  So I highly recommend the polite, respectful, charming and gracious manner if you're going to try a cold approach.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Nope. I think it's extremely flattering. Especially if he is a hottie, like you, Healer.


Well shucks, thanks JB!


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I've heard way more than my share of inappropriate comments and bad pick-up lines, and dealt with far too many guys who thought a polite "no" meant "try again in a few minutes and be sure to say something mildly skeevy about my tits next time".


LOL.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Regarding the straight up, no BS approach - I reckon a woman knows what a guy's intentions are if he approaches her - he's attracted to her. So it makes sense to me to just be straight up about it. Why try to fool her? You won't anyway.

My band is performing a lot these days, and coming off stage makes it a little easier...a LOT easier. There's already that "in" and there's a built in conversation already. But out in the real world it's different, and rather terrifying. I don't know why - it shouldn't be. But after being off the market for 16 years, it's pretty damn intimidating.

Thanks a bunch ladies - super interesting to read your thoughts, and keep 'em coming!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'm not single but when it did happen I was flattered,embarrassed,and immediately suspicious.
> 
> But I'm a weirdo.There are tons of normal people out there who really like this approach.I say give it a whirl!


You're not a weirdo. My reaction is to feel self-conscious then suspicious. I'd wonder how long he was checking me out and what was I doing during that time. I don't respond well to the cold approach. But since there are women who like it, Healer should give it a go.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Also, Healer, you will never know unless you try.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Well I don't know about cold approaches, I'm happily married.

But if I see a girl with nice hair, nice nails, whatever I will often mention the fact that I find 'it' interesting or attractive. 

I always get a 'thank you' and an explanation of how they get that effect.

I think if people have made an effort to look nice and you compliment that in a nice friendly way without being all lechy they will be pleased.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

One of our clients is deaf and he actually wrote on a piece of paper, "You look so beautiful in that outfit" and gave it to me. The blush started at my chest and went allllll the way up to my ears. I put a smile on my face and gave a thank you gesture but he could tell I was feeling awkward. It was really flattering though.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think it works great as long as your "vibe" is non-threatening.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> I think it works great as long as your "vibe" is non-threatening.


:iagree:

I'm very non threatening.

Verging on the silly old fart! :rofl:


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Assuming it was friendly, I would respond in kind -- but would never give out my number or any personal contact info to a random guy with a random line. Not without at least some time/chance to vet the vibe.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

always_alone said:


> Assuming it was friendly, I would respond in kind -- *but would never give out my number or any personal contact info to a random guy with a random line. Not without at least some time/chance to vet the vibe.*


Totally agree!

The " cold approach " is good and works most of the times.
But the man must _volunteer_ information , and the woman might respond positively or negatively.
Her prerogative.
He must be an excellent conversationalist.
But must not appear to be " digging" for information.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

Huh....if some guy gave me the cold approach...it probably would stun me. 
Heck....if I can't get any compliments from my husband...why would any other guy give me any compliments.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

My success rate with an immediate compliment to a stranger quickly followed up with asking for her number was always low. You get a lot of "Thank you, I'm seeing someone" and "Thanks, but I don't give out my number unless I know you."

They always seemed flattered, but kinda had a defensive vibe.

Striking up small conversations and not asking for a number until you make a little connection seemed to work better.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Betrayedone said:


> wow, nice to know.......It's a big risk for a guy.....It's either going to work famously or it's the walk of shame.......shot down in flames.......


Change your mindset. There's no risk in it. You can't lose what you never had, and that a woman shoots you down doesn't necessarily say anything about your value. Its an expression of her preference. Someone out there has a preference for you, and if you don't ask you don't know.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> You're not a weirdo. My reaction is to feel self-conscious then suspicious. I'd wonder how long he was checking me out and what was I doing during that time. I don't respond well to the cold approach.


This is what I mostly got. Like a surprised, somewhat disturbed, and a bit creeped out. I don't think it was the various ways I approached, I think it was simply unexpected. Or maybe I'm just attracted to skittish women. haha


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Totally agree!
> 
> The " cold approach " is good and works most of the times.
> But the man must _volunteer_ information , and the woman might respond positively or negatively.
> ...


That's a good point... I actually never tried that. Volunteering my number seemed... arrogant? presumptuous? -I don't quite have the right word. Some women do it, though rare. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe. haha

As for being a good conversationalist, is it really a cold approach if you have a decent rapport building conversation first? I tend to think of cold approaches as being very forward - "Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I think you're beautiful and I'd kick myself later if I don't ask you for your number" or whatever; direct, immediate... but no rapport and not much of a conversation. Rapport building conversations and then getting the digits works a lot better - in fact, you can sometimes tell when they're hoping you're going to ask as it comes time to part ways, but I don't know that I consider those cold approaches.


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