# The Right Thing To Do



## Ataloss (Jul 8, 2009)

I was married 10 years ago to a good man (good father and husband). Unfortunately, I listened more to my head than my heart when dating him and since he was such a good person and we really worked well as a team, thought that this was enough. And, I truly believe that being a team and having a good solid relationship is enough to keep a marriage, especially when the flame dies as most times does; however, if the flame wasn't there in the first place, there is nothing to go back to. The relationship just went to "reality" too quickly and now I'm left to feel as though the whole "team" thing is all we've got, nothing to rekindle in the intimate side of things. I must add that the intimacy is totally lacking on my part and I can't even understand how he has gotten through this long. Frequency isn't an issue in that regard, just lack of "connection." And, I've always been up front and honest about it, for the record.

So, here we are 10 years later and our lives are finally settled after uprooting twice (long story) in the midst of babies as well. Life was just going too fast to really sit back and take a look at our relationship, although, he's always complained of the intimacy aspects and I worried about them but "back-burnered" the issues. Now, it's taken it's toll on me as well and I think we need to do something about it. And, I can't understand how he's made it this far in the first place when he's complained of it all of this time. We have gone to counseling a couple of times and will continue, but I just don't know what the use is if we have the answers right in front of us. Please help. I have more info but will hold off until I get some preliminary answers. Thanks.


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## Ataloss (Jul 8, 2009)

why no responses? was it something i said? I wouldn't wonder if i didn't have so many views.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hi!

I can think of only one thing which might help. Try reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It will help both of you to understand what you must have from each other in order to feel love. And remember love is a choice! Things would have turned out much different for me, if I had read the book 10 years ago.

Good luck!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Once kids are involved I dont think anything short of abuse is justified when it comes to leaving. basically i think you made the choice and now you need to figure out how to make it work. but you're going to have to make up your mind and parent your side that wants to leave. if you keep playing the 'should i stay or should i go' game then your marriage doesnt have a chance. you have to be committed.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

How is your sex drive? Do you have sexual urges just not for your husband or have those feelings been 'shelved' for a long time?


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## Ataloss (Jul 8, 2009)

Regarding the sex drive part, I thought it was my problem, but it turns out it is us together. I don't have the romantic connection with him and I do indeed have a drive. I'm just tired of not loving anymore. And I can't even imagine what it is like for him when he's been feeling this for so long.


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