# Wife won't have sex unless I get a vasectomy



## xanadu96 (Oct 12, 2012)

Married 5 years have a 1.5 year old daughter. My wife says she is done and wants me to have a vasectomy. I can't say that I am done now. I am 34 wife is 32. We've only had sex a few times since birth of child. Our marriage has been badover the last year with a lot of fighting. She refuses to have sex unless I get snipped and is blaming me for our sexless marriage. I don't feel as I am mentally ready to end the possibility of children. Advice?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Tough decision. 

Why doesn't she want more children? Is it because she isn't happy in the marriage or is it because she just wants one child?

Is the marriage bad because of the no sex or is it bad for other reasons?

If I loved my wife and I knew she loved me and our marriage was good, I would probably settle with one child and have the vasectomy.

If there were problems in the marriage and she withheld sex even before the 'vasectomy demand', then I would tell her that you aren't having a vasectomy because you think the marriage may end.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Married 5 years. Sexless for the last 1.5 years. Blame shifting. And she wants you to make a permanent change in your body and ability to have children.

Um, no.

Look, fix the marriage first. To me this is kind of like a wife asking me to tattoo her name on my neck to prove my love a week after filing for divorce. Why would you do that? The big V is no big deal if you're in a "real" and "permanent" marriage. But a sexless one with lots of fighting? In that case, do ONLY what YOU want to do.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Married 5 years. Sexless for the last 1.5 years. Blame shifting. And she wants you to make a permanent change in your body and ability to have children.
> 
> Um, no.
> 
> *Look, fix the marriage first.* To me this is kind of like a wife asking me to tattoo her name on my neck to prove my love a week after filing for divorce. Why would you do that? The big V is no big deal if you're in a "real" and "permanent" marriage. But a sexless one with lots of fighting? In that case, do ONLY what YOU want to do.


:iagree:

wow. Thats a couple threads in a row I find myself agreeing with WorkingOnMe. The planets must be in alighnment or something.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

Please do not do this if you're not ready. She is being pretty mean to hold you hostage like that. Why can't she take the pill and you use protection if she's that concerned?

She's just using this as an excuse to continue not having sex with you. You get snipped and nothing will change.

What a BS thing for her to do.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What can I say, I'm in an agreeable mood!


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## lovetopleasewife (Oct 7, 2012)

I agree with the other post. Fix the marriage first and if you both decide no kids, then get a vasectomy.

I think there are a ton of other issues. Did she want to get pregnant the first time? Was it planned?


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

Yeah, I'd suggest SHE make changes if she doesn't want more kids. An IUD is not particularly invasive and has the same success rate as sterilisation (99.9%).


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Yup, WorkingOnMe nailed it. 

If your W is that big on protection, let her go under the knife. I'm shooting blanks, but it was my choice. Do not do this unless you are 100% sure that you NEVER want another child with ANY woman.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

You could tell her that you want to work on the fighting and tension in the marriage before you seriously consider vasectomy.

Will she agree to marriage counseling? For the sake of your child it is essential to go for MC. If the marriage has been bad over the past year then you really need to do this. If she won't go then go alone.

It's well worth the money spent. You can't put a price on misery. 

I believe that if you do ultimately decide on vasectomy that you can bank your sperm just in case. 

In any event if it were me, I would wait until your child is at least 4 to make such a big decision. Your wife may be very overwhelmed by motherhood at this point in time. Do you do a lot to help with the baby? You may want to try doing more if that is a problem between you.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I'm a woman.

DON'T DO IT.

If the two of you got along well, communicated well, and you had some sort of other reason--say you had a genetic condition you were fearful passing on to children--then, that would be one thing.

But your marriage is not in a good and loving place--and this is a decision that should only be made under those conditions.

Here's a question for you.
Getting your tubes tied is now an in-office procedure that's no more uncomfortable or painful than getting a vasectomy. Insurance covers it. So if SHE'S done, why didn't she offer to get her tubes tied? But I wouldn't suggest it, because she sounds like she just might go out and do it unilaterally without discussing it with you first.


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

In principle, I agree with WorkingOnMe.

In reality, I might just get the vasectomy.

You're 34 in a bad marriage.
Do you want to bring another child into the world with a bad marriage?
At 34, might you separate, divorce, date, marry, and have a baby with another woman?

I agree with everything WorkingOnMe said, but I wonder if the timing might be right anyway, and then you don't have to let this issue be your Waterloo.

But a vasectomy is a very final answer. You know yourself best and you shouldn't do it unless you're sure.

Your wife has manoeuvred you into a tough spot. She is telling you she is done with kids. So if you're standing your ground insisting that you are not 100% sure you're done with kids, then she will read that as, "well, you're not having any more kids with me, so whom are you planning on having kids with?" Well played on her part.

Maybe it's already over.

Tough situation.

Get snipped or hang tough.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

lovetopleasewife said:


> I agree with the other post. Fix the marriage first and if you both decide no kids, then get a vasectomy.
> 
> I think there are a ton of other issues. Did she want to get pregnant the first time? Was it planned?


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Why can't you use condoms, resume the sex life and then discuss the vaz later when the marriage is more stable?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Tell her to get her tubes tied if she doesn't want any more kids!


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

I personally find it very manipulative to try to force someone to get sterilized when they do not want to. Sterilization should be a mutual decision. It is a very permanent choice to make. If you do not feel prepared to completely close the door on more children FOREVER, I would not do it. Your wife is very selfish to demand that of you and with hold sex. If she is so adamant against future children she should get an iud. They are very effective. 

And she should also not run off to get her tubes tied before coming to an agreement with you on the matter. Fertility (or the lack of), like sex, is something that both partners should feel comfortable with.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

She is being manipulative. Let me tell you two stories: one was a woman who had an 8 year old and got engaged in her 40's to a man in his 40's and said she wouldn't marry unless he got the big V first. He got the V and two weeks later she broke it off. 
My h's ex asked him to get v after their 2nd was born and then almost immediately started looking for his replacement. She wanted to be sure he couldn't have kid's with anyone else. 
Don't do it! If she won't use other protection then she really doesn't want to have sex and that is her issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

The thing is, you're going to feel like quite a fool when you have this surgery and then still don't get sex.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Tell her you won't have sex with her until she gets some massive fake cans you can play with.


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## mikeyb (Jul 8, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Yup, WorkingOnMe nailed it.
> 
> If your W is that big on protection, let her go under the knife. I'm shooting blanks, but it was my choice. Do not do this unless you are 100% sure that you NEVER want another child with ANY woman.


This is obviously the answer. If SHE doesn't want any more, SHE should take care of it.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

What about norplant? That's a five year dose of birth control which is pretty damn effective.

There are a DOZEN good ways to deal with this issue, including rythym method, combined with pills, combined with a rubber, and a diaphram (cuts back on the sex quite a bit, but you're already underserviced).

But she'd rather cut your balls off. Sometimes a cigar is a vindictive woman who wants to emasculate you.

Don't do it.

Talk seriously about divorce.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I suggest you not get a vasectomy just to deal with a sexless marriage. If it was not sexless I would probably feel different about this. I know that seems counter-intuitive. 

Yes fix the marriage first.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Tell it's your body and you decide what happens to it and if she doesn't want any more kids she can get her tubes tied.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Agree with ALL the posters.
This would be a huge mistake and doubt it would fix your sexless marriage. Your wife is being very selfish.
My H had the snip when he was 29. Quite young I suppose but we had 3 children and financially could not afford any more so we made the decision together. 
H also said that whatever happened in our marriage that he wouldn't want to father any children with anyone else.

You need to get to the bottom of this.
Has she always only wanted one child? Did she have a difficult birth?
There's more to this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Yup, WorkingOnMe nailed it.
> 
> If your W is that big on protection, let her go under the knife. I'm shooting blanks, but it was my choice. Do not do this unless you are 100% sure that you NEVER want another child with ANY woman.


:iagree: My husband had The Snip done because neither of us want to be parents. I wanted to go under the knife but I am a young woman with no kids and doctors here will not sterilize a young woman with no children. My husband volunteered to have the vasectomy done; I did not force him or give him awful ultimatums like the OP's wife is doing.

There are too many issues to have a vasectomy just now. It is very drastic for a wife to refuse sex unless her husband gets a snip; I suspect that the OP's wife may have had a difficult birth, postpartum depression or she does not enjoy being a mother.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> She is being manipulative. Let me tell you two stories: one was a woman who had an 8 year old and got engaged in her 40's to a man in his 40's and said she wouldn't marry unless he got the big V first. He got the V and two weeks later she broke it off.
> My h's ex asked him to get v after their 2nd was born and then almost immediately started looking for his replacement.* She wanted to be sure he couldn't have kid's with anyone else. *
> Don't do it! If she won't use other protection then she really doesn't want to have sex and that is her issue.


Whenever I hear of a woman wanting her husband to have a vasectomy, my first thought is that this is her last contemptuous manipulation before moving on.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

I am begging my boyfriend to get one as well - we already have 2 children. I'm not refusing sex though, but I'm on BC. I'm wary of BC because they think it causes breast, cervical and liver tumors. It's risky for me to get my tubes tied and also more expensive. IUDs are supposed to be pretty painful getting put in. If you get snipped, they still freeze your sperm in case you want more children. Not to mention it's reversible whereas they sotter a womans tubes. 

Getting An IUD , do they hurt alot ? - Yahoo! Answers


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'd suggest a copper non-hormonal IUD, once inserted, (2 minutes in Docs office)... she doesn't have to do a thing, can stay in up to 12 long years, and noone needs surgery, so long as she is not allergic to copper, and you are both monogamous, I think this is the best birth control on the market and just as effective as getting a woman's tubes tied... I love mine! 

Can read about it here... ParaGard® (intrauterine copper contraceptive)

I never would have allowed my husband to get snipped - this was my choice after comparing & reading all the birth control options... Highly recommended.



> IUDs are supposed to be pretty painful getting put in.


 Wasn't that bad at all, Large cramp.. and it was over. They are able to numb you if you ask...nurse Practitioner talked me out of it and I was just fine !!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

That sounds very controlling! 

I'd never force my husband to have a V. He did it by his own choice and 9 years after our 3rd daughter. In the meantime we used latex free condoms. I'm allergic to latex. It worked great for 9 years and I never got pregnant.

The IUD works great too. My adult daughter just had hers in and she said it did not hurt. Just a little cramping and ibuprofen took care of it.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

your body, do what you want with it
I would never dream of instructing a man to do such a thing, I certainly wouldn't expect him to roll over if I did
WOM is right, you'll get it done and she'll just find some other excuse


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Whenever I hear of a woman wanting her husband to have a vasectomy, my first thought is that this is her last contemptuous manipulation before moving on.


shrug. I dont see it that way. You seem to have a very damaged and unhealthy viewpoint.

VAS is incredibly easy, and infinitely less invasive than tubal ligation. Its also nice alternative to something like... i dont know... being on the pill for 25 years which was the case with my wife.

My first reaction to a woman that wants her husband to have a vasectomy is - 'smart choice', and then 'good for you both'.

This _particular_ situation doesnt appear to be quite as well thought out and not the best choice for this young couple - but to classify any desire for a vasectomy as a 'last contemptuous manipulation before moving on' is simply jaw droppingly inane. Your 'first thought' betrays your paranoia.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> shrug. I dont see it that way. You seem to have a very damaged and unhealthy viewpoint.
> 
> VAS is incredibly easy, and infinitely less invasive than tubal ligation. Its also nice alternative to something like... i dont know... being on the pill for 25 years which was the case with my wife.
> 
> ...


That is why he added 'context'. Obviously he's seen similar situations, and from some of the comments from the other posters, he's not alone.

IN THIS SITUATION, the OP deserves a ***** slap if he accedes to this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

JCD said:


> IN THIS SITUATION, the OP deserves a ***** slap if he accedes to this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed. This is an easy one - as is shown by the tide of responses on this thread in universal agreement.

Still doesnt change the default 'first thought' position of a reasonable person to view VAS as contemptuous manipulation by a woman.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> shrug. I dont see it that way. You seem to have a very damaged and unhealthy viewpoint.


Not at all, when viewed through the woman's lens. She does not want her children, hopefully fathered by the H, to have to compete for an inheritance with H's offspring by other women after she moves on. Even if the woman is not planning to move on, the result is the same, even if less Machiavellian. It's all about genes and resources. Common sense stuff.

Now the real nasty cases are when a woman with 2 or 3 kids from previous relationships snags a nice-guy KSA Herb with no kids of his own and asks him for a vasectomy. Far fetched? Not hardly.


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

Wow, sounds like you have a *very* controlling wife. I'm divorcing mine because of her control issues.

That said, like others have mentioned, I wouldn't do it. Just like children, surgery like this is something that BOTH partners should be in FULL agreement with. 

Just like BOTH of you should agree with how many children to have. Mine said that it was up to HER to determine if she wanted 1 or 2 and whether she would go back to work....starting to see the problems we had in our marriage and why we are divorcing? 

Yours looks no different.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Xanadu, if you don't feel ready don't get a V. It is considered a permanent procedure.

When our son was also about a year and a half she decided she was done and never, ever wanted her body to bear another child, so she got a tubal. We always talked about both wanting two kids, each of us has one sibling and we were comfortable in that dynamic. It felt very belittling for her to get a tubal, it was a form of rejection for me - not that I wanted to convince her otherwise, I mean if that is what she wanted that is what she wanted and no way would I bring another child into the equation unless it was mutual. But I decided I wasn't ready for a V, so i didn't get one.

After the divorce, when I started dating and had another sexual relationship I defintely decided, or came as close as I can to getting snipped, had an appointment.. when the time came around I was single again and decided it was still too soon, I was still healing emotionally. So i am still potent, pretty much certain I don't want kids again, BUT I am not going to completely rule it out yet, maybe I will find some really nice young thing that wants kids and will be a truly great partner, and mother.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Not at all, when viewed through the woman's lens. She does not want her children, hopefully fathered by the H, to have to compete for an inheritance with H's offspring by other women after she moves on. Even if the woman is not planning to move on, the result is the same, even if less Machiavellian. It's all about genes and resources. Common sense stuff.
> 
> Now the real nasty cases are when a woman with 2 or 3 kids from previous relationships snags a nice-guy KSA Herb with no kids of his own and asks him for a vasectomy. Far fetched? Not hardly.


Uh, no. it's just contraception. That is 'common sense'.

Inheritance blocking. Yeah, ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> shrug. I dont see it that way. You seem to have a very damaged and unhealthy viewpoint.
> 
> VAS is incredibly easy, and infinitely less invasive than tubal ligation. Its also nice alternative to something like... i dont know... being on the pill for 25 years which was the case with my wife.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Some wives do not want to use BC forever, so they want their husbands to have a vasectomy. Happens all the time. 

Others have completed their families and simply do not want any more children. 

How are either of these situations about "manipulation"? :scratchhead:


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

What about condoms combined with Otc the counter contraceptive jelly? I don't think that either partner should be forced to use hormones...have surgery..or have a foreign object put in their body if they don't want it. I had a Tubal during my last c-section but it was 100% my choice. I had 3 children..one from a previous relationship and I was 34. I knew without a doubt that even if we divorced that I didn't want children with a 3rd man.

I don't like sex with condoms but it beats zero sex. If she wont have sex under those circumstances it's because she just doesn't want sex and the vasectomy is a stalling tactic. Don't give in to her. I smell B.S. There are some anger and resentment issues going on with her since the birth of your child. The withholding and insistence on the vasectomy as the only birth control option is a clue.

I think (maybe) she is feeling hostile toward you because life has changed a lot for her. Pregnancy and birth...dealing with the hormones...a first child is a lot. She resents you. Snipping in this case is being used as a punishment. She changed/suffered and she wants you to sacrifice something. This is the wrong mentality to have a vasectomy for. The right attitude and time is when you want to be liberated not punished.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Hmmm... I would seriously question the relationship with a woman who would put me in that position. Plus, there is no way in hell i would get that stuff done to me. Plenty of contraceptive methods without having surgery for it.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

MrsKy said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Some wives do not want to use BC forever, so they want their husbands to have a vasectomy. Happens all the time.
> 
> ...


They have been married *5* years. She is not discussing this. She is not trying to get him to agree. She is giving him a diktat and enforcing it with the added pressure of No Sex. No handjobs. No blowjobs. No relief for the husband until SHE gets EXACTLY what she wants.

There are a half a dozen procedures SHE can do which will solve the problem. 

Norplant which works for 5 years

Ensure which is an in office visit and takes a month

Tubal ligation

An injection which keeps her infertile for a year

An IUD, another barely invasive in office visit.

But no, HER HUSBAND needs to have his manhood snipped. 

If the OP is still here, lay out all these suggestions to her. If she doesn't like any of these options, then she isn't serious, is she?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you have a sexless relationship against your will, without a legitimate medical reason, you don't have a marriage. You have dependants. If all she wants is your money, a support check would suffice.


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

There is more to being a man than the vas deferens. Hormonal Bc has immediate side effects and possible long term consequences related to heart disease and cancers. Tubal ligation via laparascope is far more risky than a vasectomy. I never was a woman's health nurse but I have taken care of women admitted for blood clots due to bc on a cardiac floor. Nothing wrong with vasectomy when done for the right reasons. Maybe after being pregnant and giving birth she feels resentful that all the risk and trouble has to fall on her. 

It's not a good attitude to have but telling her to take more risk and go through more pain isn't going to make her less angry. Offer non-hormonal barrier options.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

MrsKy said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Some wives do not want to use BC forever, so they want their husbands to have a vasectomy. Happens all the time.
> 
> ...


Then why don't the wives under-go the procedure? Or figure out a mutually acceptable method instead of withholding sex.
Did you read this thread or comment in general?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Ayla said:


> There is more to being a man than the vas deferens. Hormonal Bc has immediate side effects and possible long term consequences related to heart disease and cancers. Tubal ligation via laparascope is far more risky than a vasectomy. I never was a woman's health nurse but I have taken care of women admitted for blood clots due to bc on a cardiac floor. Nothing wrong with vasectomy when done for the right reasons. Maybe after being pregnant and giving birth she feels resentful that all the risk and trouble has to fall on her.
> 
> It's not a good attitude to have but telling her to take more risk and go through more pain isn't going to make her less angry. Offer non-hormonal barrier options.


There is more to a marriage then barking orders and withholding obligations (yes, I said it. The flip side of sexual monogamy is owing your partner sex.)

OP. Jergens is $5 a bottle and lasts quite a while.


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## Ayla (Aug 24, 2011)

JCD said:


> There is more to a marriage then barking orders and withholding obligations (yes, I said it. The flip side of sexual monogamy is owing your partner sex.)
> 
> OP. Jergens is $5 a bottle and lasts quite a while.


What? I didn't say I she she is right.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Fair enough. I think the arbitrary nature of her choice and her means of getting her way will have a shattering effect on her marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

JCD said:


> They have been married *5* years. She is not discussing this. She is not trying to get him to agree. She is giving him a diktat and enforcing it with the added pressure of No Sex. No handjobs. No blowjobs. No relief for the husband until SHE gets EXACTLY what she wants.
> 
> There are a half a dozen procedures SHE can do which will solve the problem.
> 
> ...


I never once said that I agreed with the wife withholding sex because of a vasectomy. Neither did Ayla, so I don't understand why you are responded as though we support the wife's actions. 

Hormonal methods can wreak havoc on a woman's health. There are *many *side effects that come with pumping a woman's body with artificial hormones. This is what has happened to me and a lot of other women I know, so I am speaking from experience. I know some men think BC methods which involve no effort on their part are fine, but there are so many issues that can occur as a result of birth control. 

Many doctors will not perform a tubal ligation unless a woman is a certain age and has 2 or more children. No doctor would tie my tubes because I have no kids and I am under 35. They think every woman will want a child at some point, which is ridiculous considering motherhood is a personal choice.

IUD's can cause infections. 

You do know that a vasectomy does not involve taking testosterone away right? How on earth does a vasectomy "take away manhood?" So many male members on TAM would find your statement ill informed and very incorrect. 

Once again, I don't agree with husbands being forced to have a vasectomy or a wife not having sex because her husband does not want The Snip. However, it is worth it to try to understand what women _actually _go through with birth control.


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

golfergirl said:


> Then why don't the wives under-go the procedure? Or figure out a mutually acceptable method instead of withholding sex.
> Did you read this thread or comment in general?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Understanding the side effects of permanent and reversible birth control does not make me supportive of manipulation and withholding sex in a marriage. 

_Tubal ligation is riskier and requires more recovery time than a vasectomy._ I have also shared my experience with doctors not wanting to tie my tubes because I do not have children. Some doctors won't even do the procedure on a woman with one child!

Some people are not educated about tubal ligations, so they erroneously assume that it is an easy procedure and that all doctors will willingly tie tubes. 

I am happy that I met a man who feels the same way I do about having children. He was willing to get a vasectomy because he is aware of my struggles to obtain a tubal, as well as the side effects of BC which I have endured for years. :smthumbup:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

http://marriedmansexlife.com/2010/04/vasectomy-causing-loss-of-wifes-sexual-interest/

Interesting. And if you change your mind in a few years where does that leave your husband? Looking for a stand in?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

MrsKy said:


> I never once said that I agreed with the wife withholding sex because of a vasectomy. Neither did Ayla, so I don't understand why you are responded as though we support the wife's actions.
> 
> Hormonal methods can wreak havoc on a woman's health. There are *many *side effects that come with pumping a woman's body with artificial hormones. This is what has happened to me and a lot of other women I know, so I am speaking from experience. I know some men think BC methods which involve no effort on their part are fine, but there are so many issues that can occur as a result of birth control.
> 
> ...


As a matter of fact, I've had the procedure done myself. I know FOR A FACT that I had two+ years of orgasms which rAnged from uncomfortable to just plain painful. Put's a real damper on the libido, hon. But they don't mention that in girl talk, do they? It's all about how frigging easy it is and why are men so reluctAnt to do it.

Well, because it is the equivilqent of a woman forced into sterility. Motherhood, for most women, is tied to self image, but somehow virility is just incidental to a man? Really?

He is NOT cool with this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Uh yeah... No!

Tell her if she spent want any more children then SHE can get sterilized. Tell her your next wife might want children. So...

Okay that wasn't helpful.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Btw I've been snipped myself. Aside from some swelling for a few days I had no adverse effects.


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

JCD said:


> As a matter of fact, I've had the procedure done myself. I know FOR A FACT that I had two+ years of orgasms which rAnged from uncomfortable to just plain painful. Put's a real damper on the libido, hon. But they don't mention that in girl talk, do they? It's all about how frigging easy it is and why are men so reluctAnt to do it.
> 
> Well, because it is the equivilqent of a woman forced into sterility. Motherhood, for most women, is tied to self image, but somehow virility is just incidental to a man? Really?
> 
> ...


Surely you realize that your experience does not dictate what happens to other men. _*Our *_sex life is better than ever without the worry of pregnancy. My husband does not experience any pain with ejaculation or dampening of desire. A virile man who is secure in himself will not have his manhood affected by just cutting tubes. 

Last time I checked, Athol is not a doctor so what he thinks is dreadfully irrelevant to this discussion. If I felt that I was going to change my mind, there is no way I would marry a man who does not want kids. That would be stupid. 

Vasectomy IS easier than tubal ligation; that is a medical fact and not just "girl talk". I have mentioned more than once that the OP should not be forced into sterlization. 

*Nobody should be!*


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

MrsKy said:


> Vasectomy IS easier than tubal ligation; that is a medical fact and not just "girl talk". I have mentioned more than once that the OP should not be forced into sterlization. Nobody should be!


Only in a statistical sense. If a guy is the unlucky ones, then what do statistics mean for him?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

MrsKy said:


> Surely you realize that your experience does not dictate what happens to other men. _*Our *_sex life is better than ever without the worry of pregnancy. My husband does not experience any pain with ejaculation or dampening of desire. A virile man who is secure in himself will not have his manhood affected by just cutting tubes.
> 
> Last time I checked, Athol is not a doctor so what he thinks is dreadfully irrelevant to this discussion. If I felt that I was going to change my mind, there is no way I would marry a man who does not want kids. That would be stupid.
> 
> ...


Surely you realize that not every woman will suffer bad effects from hormonal treatment. Surely not every woman will suffer ill effects from a tubal ligation.

Some men (a not insignificant proportion) do suffer some discomfort. It is side effects like this which are pooh poohed or simply unknown to 'girl talk'. Is it the same number as women who suffer ill effects? I don't know. Do you?

I also said MOST women (I just KNEW I should have all capped and bolded that section) have a strong sense of attachment to their fertility. Look at the sad cases who spend a fortune trying to repair it when it's lacking. Look at the women who are crushed when they find out they've spent their fertile years playing around and suddenly have troubles getting pregnant.

But some women aren't bothered by this. You seem to be one of them. There is nothing wrong with that.

But isn't it odd that the woman in question ISN'T willing to give up her fertility but is more than happy for him to give up his potence.


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

The Sterilization Decision-Vasectomy vs. Tubal Ligation « Dr. Neil Baum's Urology Blog

This is written by a urologist. Nothing to do with stats or luck. 

Tubals have a longer recovery time, require more anesthesia and incisions than a vasectomy. 

Strong opinions are great, but they should be
substantiated with _facts _rather than_ incorrect assumptions_.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

MrsKy said:


> The Sterilization Decision-Vasectomy vs. Tubal Ligation « Dr. Neil Baum's Urology Blog
> 
> This is written by a urologist. Nothing to do with stats or luck.
> 
> ...


That's great, but I'm not really arguing that point.

I don't care about the risks. I am totally in agreement with you regarding her selfishness.

And that is a personal decision. She should be weighing HER risks vs HER wants.


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

JCD said:


> Surely you realize that not every woman will suffer bad effects from hormonal treatment. Surely not every woman will suffer ill effects from a tubal ligation.
> 
> Some men (a not insignificant proportion) do suffer some discomfort. It is side effects like this which are pooh poohed or simply unknown to 'girl talk'. Is it the same number as women who suffer ill effects? I don't know. Do you?
> 
> ...


Yeah, if a woman wants her husband to get a vasectomy she should also be prepared to go under the knife. I certainly was. 

I'm glad we agree that the OP should not be pushed into such a permanent choice. 

I won't belabor the pains a woman takes with a tubal compared to a man who has a vasectomy. My information comes from OBGYN's, fertility nurses and urologists so I know I am right.  My post with the link was meant for another member who spoke of stats.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

MrsKy said:


> The Sterilization Decision-Vasectomy vs. Tubal Ligation « Dr. Neil Baum's Urology Blog
> 
> This is written by a urologist. Nothing to do with stats or luck.
> 
> ...


Look up the rates of minor complications. You'll find that they reverse for the "minor" complications. 

As many as 5% of men have "minor" complications that consist of sore nuts after having sex.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

We were SO WORRIED about having another baby (we were done with kids) after our 2nd that we didn't enjoy sex. Birth control pills were hell on my body and killed my libido so I told my husband i was not going to take this garbage until menopause! I have many female issues though, so the hormones were just murder on me. Weight gain, moodiness, depression. We didn't want a surprise baby when we're 40ish. We were done having children.

For me to get the surgery, would have been a 6 week recovery (couldn't afford that with work) and a 2 hour surgery under general anethesia . It also would have cost $250.

For my husband, it was a 30 minutes office procedure, and 50 bucks. Just local pain meds, and something that made him goofy. He figured since I had the baby (15 hours of horrible labor), he could stand to get snipped.

SO I understand if she's just done with kids ...the fear can take ALL JOY out of sex. Did she have a horrible labor? Did she hate pregnancy? Was it hard for her and her body? My 2nd pregnancy sucked so badly. I had pre-E and I was NOT going through that again...or the labor. So bad. Thankfully, she's a beautiful little girl.

It was the best thing he ever did for us. Now we eff like rabbits again. No BC. Love it.


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

TG, looks like we married men who are sympathetic to what women go through. 

Our husbands are mature enough to accept that vasectomies are easier for them to endure.

Of course, we were smart enough not to try to force them.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. I did have surgery to remove an ovary with a 7 pound tumor on it. Recovery was 6 weeks. Financially it screwed us a bit. I have had enough of surgeries. He was fine with his 3 days on the couch with frozen peas. lol. He saw me give birth and said he had no idea...haha...his face during my drugfree labor----- O.O Cracks me up.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why should I pump myself full of Birth Control pills forever? What if I accidentally miss a pill because i'm only human? I have taken BCP for 2 months in my life. It was hell each time. I then charted the hell out of my cycle and didn't have babies unless it was what was wanted. My kids are 9 years apart and not by accident.


If they had a male BCP, then that would be fair. But to just tell a woman to "take a pill" that you obviously have no knowledge about (side effects can include death) is a bit rude. Try taking a hormonal pill for the rest of your life. You won't like it.

I'm so glad my husband had the big V. We were so excited to just have sex whenever and wherever we wanted without worry.


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