# my husband is less than average...



## KC89 (Apr 16, 2015)

So as the title says ny husbands penis is less than average. I couldnt care less. I love him and weve been together for 8 years, and im also pretty sure theres something wrong with me anyways bc im just not a sexual person. I dont masturbate or anything like that. 
Anyways my hubbys penis is not very big, we still have sex and frequently, but he knows i dont like it no matter what i do to appear as though i like it and he basically gets mad at me for his inadequacies. That is certainly not my fault! 
I think part of the problem is that when we became sexually active he had different expectations from years of watching porn and he lost his v-card to me. I think he thought that all women were like the pornstars, in sure theres plenty of women out tere like that but im not one of them. 
I just dont know what to do anymore. We have the same conversation/argument every night. Im almost on the verge of just letting him sleep with someone else so maybe he can fulfill whatever fantasy he has about how women have sex. 
Its not my fault that hes small. And i dont tell him hes small. I dont talj about it he does. He always brings it up. Whenever we have sex he tells me its just "shut me up sex"
Well imean its not exactly. I want him to atleast feel pleasure or whatever since one of us can. 
I just dont feel its ok for him to take it out on me that he has a small member. What am i supposed to do? Im tired of te same argument everynight. Its not somethinf i can fix. Its not one of those arguments like i dont wash my own dishes or i spend too much money or something like that. This isnt my fault and i dont know what to do to make it better


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Have you ever had sex with anybody except him? (I mean before you were married)


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## LaundryMan (Mar 17, 2015)

Small, HD man + LD spouse = recipe for trouble. I suspect that you are going to have trouble because almost anything you say will be interpreted as a thinly-veiled critique of his non-jumbo weenie.

I'm also pretty small, and I am very sensitive about it. It hasn't been much of an issue with me, however, because 1) I'm the LD spouse in my marriage, so having a wife who's usually (until recently) willing helps to calm the insecurity, and 2) I've learned to "make up for it" in other ways, so women have generally told me I'm good in the sack even though I'm not big.

I would suggest, when you are in the mood (and I know you say that's not often), you suggest some specific "non-penile" thing he can do that would please you. What exactly that is, is up to you. Then make it clear that you appreciate it and you enjoy it. This might help him decouple his anxiety about his size from his anxiety about not getting enough. He might start to think that sex isn't all about his size, which could give him some confidence. But it's going to take some work. I know this because I have this very anxiety.

You may also want to move this to the "sex in marriage" forum.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I'm trying to reconcile this...



KC89 said:


> So as the title says ny husbands penis is less than average. I couldnt care less. I love him and weve been together for 8 years, and im also pretty sure theres something wrong with me anyways bc im just not a sexual person. I dont masturbate or anything like that.
> Anyways my hubbys penis is not very big, *we still have sex and frequently*, but he knows i dont like it no matter what i do to appear as though i like it and he basically gets mad at me for his inadequacies. That is certainly not my fault!
> I think part of the problem is that when we became sexually active he had different expectations from years of watching porn and he lost his v-card to me. I think he thought that all women were like the pornstars, in sure theres plenty of women out tere like that but im not one of them.
> I just dont know what to do anymore. We have the same conversation/argument every night. Im almost on the verge of just letting him sleep with someone else so maybe he can fulfill whatever fantasy he has about how women have sex.
> ...


...with this...



KC89 said:


> I'm sure this topic is on here a thousand times but this is my situation and I really need to vent to someone because I don't have anyone to talk to.
> My husband and I have been together for 8 1/2 years and married for 2. We started out young. I was 16 and he was 21. We lost our virginity to one another. I feel and always have felt that he just settled for me. I'm the first girl that gave it up to him so he decided he better keep me around. Our relationship was good until about 7 months ago.
> Now it just seems like he's sick of me. He gets irritated about a lot of things. He never wants to talk to me or do things with me. We do work at the same place so we see a lot more of ech other than most people do but still we need to do things together outside of work to as we'll as have our time apart. In the summer he goes away every weekend to fish so I mean its not like we never have time apart.
> *He doesn't want to have sex any more either.* I don't know if this is some kind of sign that he's cheating or thinking about cheating but either way that kind of hurts. We've never had the greatest sex life bc I think maybe he expected a lot more sexually out of me and he didn't get the kind of sexlife he wanted. And of course as a women I'm insecure about my body so I've always been weird about that but it's nothing new.
> ...


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## KC89 (Apr 16, 2015)

To answer the questions...
He is the only person i have ever had sex with
And yes i posted on here befor. He doesnt ever want to have sex bc of this issue (i presume this is the main reason) we do have sex more than i think a married couple that have been together for this long normally do. And when i posted that other thing last week or whatever we had a big fight baout how i dont like sex anyways so why should we do it, and thats what lead me to believe he may be cheating on me. 

Also im sorry if i put this in the wrong category. If someone wants to move it feel free. I was crying and upset when i posted this and i just kind of stuck it somewhere.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Did you ever have orgasms from just intercourse with previous boyfriends?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

KC89 said:


> To answer the questions...
> *He is the only person i have ever had sex with*
> And yes i posted on here befor. He doesnt ever want to have sex bc of this issue (i presume this is the main reason) we do have sex more than i think a married couple that have been together for this long normally do. And when i posted that other thing last week or whatever we had a big fight baout how i dont like sex anyways so why should we do it, and thats what lead me to believe he may be cheating on me.
> 
> Also im sorry if i put this in the wrong category. If someone wants to move it feel free. I was crying and upset when i posted this and i just kind of stuck it somewhere.





Dogbert said:


> Did you ever have orgasms from just intercourse with previous boyfriends?


Probably not.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Since you've never been with another man, I'm just curious what standard you are using to determine he has a small penis. Are you comparing it to porn stars, because I can assure you that they are not the norm.

Or does he say he's small, so you believe it?

We seem to be getting a lot of small peen threads lately.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

KC89, If you have been with your husband for more than 8 years and have never found a way to enjoy sexual intercourse, you are letting your life slip away in order to stay with him. He can't do ANYTHING to increase the size of his penis or he would already have done so. Any guy who has lost in love for this handicap can tell you the same thing. It would be a shame for you to miss out on a enjoyable sex life
for this reason.


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## KC89 (Apr 16, 2015)

Well i mean he tells me its small and im pretty sure it is. I know not to compare to pornstars. I dont even care about sex but i dont want to upset him. He gets upset that i dont like sex. Its just a never ending cycle. I cant win.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

KC89 said:


> *Well i mean he tells me its small and im pretty sure it is. I know not to compare to pornstars. I dont even care about sex but i dont want to upset him. He gets upset that i dont like sex.* Its just a never ending cycle. I cant win.


Here's the chart.. to measure.. 

Mr. Average - The true story about penis size, from a site that isn't trying to sell you anything.

AVERAGE is 5.50" to 5.75" (24.3 %)... 5.75" to 6.00" (23.9 % of men)

The bigger issue here is YOU DON'T ENJOY Sex, it's a chore, a burden...you don't crave him, there is no enthusiasm and he longs for your desire to enjoy the experience.. this is a very common problem.. it's also a very very hurtful one for the higher drive spouse who gets their greatest fulfillment *feeling loved in this way*...craving intimacy on a regular basis.. 

To understand how your husband feels.. it goes something like this.. (at least I know my husband does anyway)...


> Fulfilling our husbands sexually encompasses so much more than the physical act..it is embracing ALL that he is...It speaks our wanting to fully understand him and welcoming the sexual appetite that expresses his masculinity...It involves striving with him through weakness & temptation & covering his fears & failures. No magazine, no co-worker, no porn site can be this teammate and confidante for our husbands...This is our place, this is our power...this is our gift.. Unwrap it.





> *Personal said:* *Have you told your husband why you don't like sex, do you know why you don't like sex?*


 You said you want him to feel pleasure - so at least "one of us can".. so you never feel pleasure.. would you say this is because he is an inadequate lover...not caring to satisfy you in the ways you want. what about oral sex, does he go there -do you like this? (more women orgasm this way over intercourse)... do you need more foreplay for instance.. or you have just been turned off BY HIM -because of his "attitude" .... or a combination of both. Does anything turn you on.. reading a Romance novel, seeing a steamy R-rated sex scene in a movie ?



> *KC89 said*: He doesnt ever want to have sex bc of this issue (i presume this is the main reason) we do have sex more than i think a married couple that have been together for this long normally do. *And when i posted that other thing last week or whatever we had a big fight baout how i dont like sex anyways so why should we do it, and thats what lead me to believe he may be cheating on me.*


 How often was that -what you felt was more than normal for a married couple at 8 yrs >

I would be concerned ..with his being gone more so.. and no longer interested.. he got tired of begging.. resentment likely took over, a flip was switched, in his longing for what is not being fulfilled -as it should be in a healthy marriage.. that he could fall under temptation outside the marriage or he will decide to leave and find happiness elsewhere.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

next time tell him there's more to size and a large portion including you don't care about size its the closeness and emotional side of things that makes it enjoyable. ask him to do oral and use his fingers more maybe buy a toy or 2 and experiment. try masturbating and finding out what you like and ask him to do those things ask him what he likes and try doing them.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This isn't about your husband's penis size at all. It's about the fact that you aren't a sexual person, don't want to have sex with him, want him to sleep with someone else. You have made his penis the scapegoat and the original post almost seems obsessed with blaming the fact that you aren't sexual on something that has nothing to do with you at all.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

IMHO, the best way to shut him up is to smother him in your vj.
Win-win... with all the porn he's been watching he should have an idea.


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## KC89 (Apr 16, 2015)

HE blames everything on his size. Not me. He fights with me and blames me for his inadequecies. I know theres something wrong with me to but his weiner size is not fault


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## KC89 (Apr 16, 2015)

Oh and also we hve sex like 3-4 times a week. Until he starts being a dbag. And even then i still try to make him happy. And i rarely ever turn him down when he initiates it. Unless i legitimately dont feel good or aunt flo comes for a visit. 
And i dont like how some people on here are trying to make me feel like an ahole. I never tell him its small. He says it an freaks out about it and i tell him its fine and he says yea thats why you dont like having sex. I dont like sex i know theres something wrong with me. But he turns it around on his penis and gets upset with me. Hes insecure about it. I dont ever talk about it to him or really ever. This is the first time i have ever talked about his size to anyone. When he brings it ip i try to make him feel better but hes insecure and it doesnt work. 
Thats why im chatting with complete strangers bc i dont know what to do. I have gotten some good suggestions so far and i will take them to heart.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Do you desire sex at all? Not do you desire it with your H or anyone specific... do you desire sex period?

Do you ever feel sexually aroused?

Do you masturbate? In anyway shower head, tub faucet, vibe, fingers, anything?

Can you orgasm from masturbation?

Does masturbation feel good?

Does anything you do with your husband during sex feel good?

Does your husband do anything to attempt to make sex enjoyable for you?


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## KC89 (Apr 16, 2015)

I dont masturbate. I dont like it. And my husband would do anything down thre to make me feel good. Nothing feels good hence why im broken. 
Thats why i saidits not all about his small penis. He thinks that is the problem. I have my own problem to go along with little guy.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Ok. Sounds like you don't like sex, which you've been saying. But I wasn't clear about what experiences you've had that led you to that conclusion. I'd say you need to really break it down to your husband. You might want to let him try vibrators and other things just to show him it's not him NOTHING WORKS. A big part of sex for me is that my partner enjoy and want it. Without that it's not that great. I would consider ending the marriage and letting him find someone who does like sex, and you can find someone who doesn't.

Oh. And I don't know if I'd say you're broken. Maybe that's just the way you are and that's ok. Did you have any trauma when you were little?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

KC89, are you taking any antidepressants, or anxiety medications?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

gouge_away said:


> KC89, are you taking any antidepressants, or anxiety medications?


That is a good question. Also, would you both be willing to go to therapy for this?

Your H needs to understand it isn't his size and you need help getting in touch with your own sexuality.

I knew a guy with 3 inches that could make the women do the goofy orgasm face. They loved him.

You two could overcome this with some help and work.

Are you willing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

I don't know if this'll be of any help, but your hubbie might want to consider some IC, nad here's why I say that...

Several years ago, my wife came to me one day and said "I've lost all interest in sex. It isn't you...I just am no longer interested in sex."

Wanna know how "I" interpreted that statement? I heard..."I am not interested in having sex with you anymore."...which of course wasn't even close to what she was trying to convey, but it is what it is.

Anyway, this went on for a long time...No sex and all the time I was thinking she doesn't find me attractive for some reason. So what did I do? I got fit, muscular, lean, strong, active...and guess what?

It didn't work. I was frantic and here is where I failed. As I became fit, other women began noticing me. Some of whom were very direct and bold...And I failed/betrayed my wife over it. 

I came very, VERY close to having a PA, but it remained an EA...but it was an affair nonetheless.

It wasn't really until after D-Day back in December and me finding out that I have "issues" with myself that I was able to finally understand that my wife was indeed telling me the truth. She is post menopausal and has absolutely no interest in sex anymore. It is a very hard thing for a spouse to come to terms with...both partners in fact.

Fact is...I didn't believe her. I thought she was no longer attracted to me. I was convinced of it. Actually, I probably rationalized it in order to convince myself so that when I became involved with other women, I was justified.

I guess I see parallels. You're not interested in sex (like my wife was), and he has convinced himself that it is because he is "inadequate". Nothing you say or do will probably sway his belief in that. Only working through it in therapy can I see him getting beyond that.

Not sure if this is of any help, but I thought I'd throw that out there. Best of luck to the two of you, but maybe some IC and maybe even some sex therapy if possible?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

KC89 said:


> I dont masturbate. I dont like it. And my husband would do anything down thre to make me feel good. Nothing feels good hence why im broken.
> Thats why i saidits not all about his small penis. He thinks that is the problem. I have my own problem to go along with little guy.


Hmm, asexual.....I really don't believe in it. its an attitude got to embrace it feed of it. I don't think you ever really loved him maybe you settled maybe your just thinking sex is bad or self conscious of really letting go. maybe you don't trust he don't really love you.

I bet my left nut if you find the right person things could very well change for you.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> This isn't about your husband's penis size at all. It's about the fact that you aren't a sexual person, don't want to have sex with him, want him to sleep with someone else. You have made his penis the scapegoat and the original post almost seems obsessed with blaming the fact that you aren't sexual on something that has nothing to do with you at all.


Well I was going to post but Ms. Beans already had this all figured out.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

LaundryMan said:


> Small, HD man + LD spouse = recipe for trouble. I suspect that you are going to have trouble because almost anything you say will be interpreted as a thinly-veiled critique of his non-jumbo weenie.
> 
> I'm also pretty small, and I am very sensitive about it. It hasn't been much of an issue with me, however, because 1) I'm the LD spouse in my marriage, so having a wife who's usually (until recently) willing helps to calm the insecurity, and 2) I've learned to "make up for it" in other ways, so women have generally told me I'm good in the sack even though I'm not big.
> 
> ...


Here, let me fix this for you: Small, HD man + LD spouse + *frequent porn user*= recipe for trouble.


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Your resentment might be showing through. 


So as the title says ny husbands penis is l*ess than average*.
Anyways my hubbys penis is *not very big*
he basically gets mad at me for *his inadequacies.*
Its not my fault that *hes small*.
I just dont feel its ok for him to take it out on me that *he has a small member.*
Well i mean he tells me *its small and im pretty sure it is*
He fights with me and blames me for *his inadequecies.*
I know theres something wrong with me to but his weiner size is not fault
I never tell him *its small*.
Thats why i saidits not all about *his small penis.*
I have my own problem to go along with *little guy*.

These are your comments. Maybe, just maybe, he hears some of this or the notion is expressed. Very likely that he is not being built up in that particular area.

Two sides. If the husband was a heavy porn viewer how do you know he is no longer doing so? Light, moderate or heavy use of porn requires a definite change to be in the past. What did he do to make the change? Or did he? If he's still partaking that's a big issue that he will have to tackle for his marriage.

My wife was one of those that felt betrayed by porn. Even as a light user it took me some time to understand her feelings. I took defined steps to make the changes for us. And I don't miss anything...

It sounds to me like approaching this issue could help your marriage. In the mean time, cut down on the little dyck stuff.

~ Passio


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