# Do I have any chance?



## Seriouslyflawed (Aug 6, 2011)

A little background. My wife and I have been married for thirteen years and have four children. Five years ago I had a physical affair with a coworker. It devistated our marriage. I took full responsibility for the affair and have not had contact with the OW since. We stayed together. We have been working on reconciliation, gaining trust back, and trying to move forward. I love my wife and our family. 

Now for the part that goes against everything that last statement stands for.

For about a year now I have been involved in a sexting situation with two other women. It wasn't an everyday thing or even a weekly thing, but even once was too much. In my mind, I guess, it was just a way to get off. I never had any intention of meeting these women; they were old girlfriends that I haven't seen in over fifteen years, but my wife found the chat logs and again is devistated.

I completely hate myself. I'm going to find a couselor to try to get at why I sabotage my marriage like this. My wife never wants me to touch her again. I'm sure she feels trapped in our situation due to the children. I need to change who I am. Do you think we have a chance?


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I think it depends on your wife, and maybe on how much you can demonstrate -- not talk about, but show through every action imagineable -- the changes you are able to make. 

Whatever occurs, do not compound matters further with any lies or withheld truth. 

I can tell you most BS willing to work to R spend inordinate amounts of time in their search for a decision that a "never, ever again under any circumstances will I live with this pain", so without something seriously changing I wouldn't be counting on her generosity again, sorry. She correctly believes she is entitled to a spouse she can count on, trust, and believe in to be faithful, and that's been proven wrong. Twice now, so why should she suffer that or believe you now? Certainly not because you say so...she already now is dealing with self-contempt for believing you the first time and feeling the fool.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

So, you devastated your wife and marriage when you had a PA with someone....but then decided to have another affair (sexting) with 2 other people and you want to know if you have a chance?

Hm. I don't know...is this going to happen again in 5 years? That's what I'd be thinking.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The ball is in her court. I would do the therapy for yourself but my bet is she will never trust you again. Whatever little trust she had left for you is probably gone. Do you love her? I mean really love her? It seems the devastation the first time around did not serve as a lesson to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

You are not even owning up to the fact that what you did was an EA which is just as bad as the PA you did earlier to your wife. First off you need to own that what you did is an emotional Affair (EA) - you gave something to old girldfriends that should have been reserved fro your wife only. I don't blame her for giving up on you. If you want to try and show you mean it this time, the following was written to a betrayed spouse by Lordmayhem. You need to follow the right things and stop the wrong things and be 1000% open and honest.

LordMayhem - your the best! SOrry if I stole your post!





lordmayhem said:


> Yet another part of the cheater's script: The blame shifting. I hate it when they do that. The cheater tries to play the victim to justify the cheating.
> 
> From the outside looking in, since you have no kids with her, I would be kicking her @ss to the curb. She's f*cking other men already, so she's looking to get out of the marriage. She says she will do anything to save the marriage. Ok, but do you think she can do the heavy lifting to save it? I think she's biding her time until OM can leave his BW, or until she finds someone new.
> 
> ...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Regardless of what he does, it's up to his wife whether she wants to stay in this or not.

I think most women would leave after a repeat performance of his infidelity. (For the ones that even stuck around after the first time). I don't see how she'll ever trust him again unless they opt for an open marriage and it seems she isn't down with that. It doesn't sound like he can be faithful to her based on his repeated history. It's a pattern now.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I agree. The first affair would be so difficult to get over, but if I did, I would expect it to never happen again. If it did, I would be gone.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

No, you really don't have a chance. She may stay with you because she has 4 children but the chances of her ever forgiving you for serial cheating are slim to none. Women don't work that way. Cheat once and show utmost remorse and fight like hell to get back to normal, eventually the anger and rage subside. She will never forget but she may forgive. Cheat again after deceiving her that it would never happen again, she will never forgive you. You made a fool out of her.....multiple times. Worse, you don't even know why you did it. In her mind that means it could happen again at any time.
Counseling is a good idea for you, if you really want to change you. If you are going however as some way to show your wife your "commitment", forget it. Go to get help and work on yourself. Your wife has made up her mind. She literally told you she will never let you touch her again and trust me, she means it.


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

I think you're only sorry because of getting caught; not because you felt guilt or remorse. You're a serial cheater, dude. If I was your wife I'd kick you to the curb already. You got another chance after your first [email protected], now you [email protected] AGAIN and you think you deserve another... HELL NO!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> No, you really don't have a chance. She may stay with you because she has 4 children but the chances of her ever forgiving you for serial cheating are slim to none. Women don't work that way. Cheat once and show utmost remorse and fight like hell to get back to normal, eventually the anger and rage subside. She will never forget but she may forgive. Cheat again after deceiving her that it would never happen again, she will never forgive you. You made a fool out of her.....multiple times.


:iagree:


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