# I just can't cope



## Raffles (Oct 20, 2012)

Hi 
I have not been on for a while, but since my last post my life has deteriorated even more.. My husband has started dating the girl who I always suspected he was having an EA with., to make matters worse she is 16 years younger, only 9 years older than our eldest daughter. I just find this so wrong.. She worked for us, she was a friend of our girls, he always denied that there was anything between them., but he tells me he started to develop feelings in last couple of weeks., I feel so stupid.. I feel I have been lied to for so long.. To make matters worse for me, he insists on including kids straight away with her? He wants them to all go out tomorrow to have fun.. It's killing me.. I just feel like running away., he also wants to include her for Xmas.. I don't understand why he can't be considerate to my feelings and wait until after Xmas to include kids.. But he says its all about me controlling him.. I just find this person he has become so hard to like., in fact I'm so filled with rage for him and I have this burning hate for her...
Someone tell me how I can cope with the pain...


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

HE insists on including the kids with her? Whose house is Christmas being held at? You have a right to not include that woman, and to have your own separate Christmas with your kids. 

All you can do is ask him to consider your feelings and wait until after the holidays to include his OW. IF he won't, then he is the selfish SOB that he is. You need to set boundaries that you can tolerate. 

Sometimes I just don't like the holidays. Thank God about that Christmas is only one day a year. It brings out so much pain in so many different ways. 

Cope by taking life moment by moment, a day at a time. Cope by remembering that almost half of all adults live through divorce and come out the other side. 

Cope by telling yourself that you don't need such a heartless man in your life. If he was capable of respect he would not be doing this.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Raffles said:


> Hi
> I have not been on for a while, but since my last post my life has deteriorated even more.. My husband has started dating the girl who I always suspected he was having an EA with., to make matters worse she is 16 years younger, only 9 years older than our eldest daughter. I just find this so wrong.. She worked for us, she was a friend of our girls, he always denied that there was anything between them., but he tells me he started to develop feelings in last couple of weeks., I feel so stupid.. I feel I have been lied to for so long.. To make matters worse for me, he insists on including kids straight away with her? He wants them to all go out tomorrow to have fun.. It's killing me.. I just feel like running away., he also wants to include her for Xmas.. I don't understand why he can't be considerate to my feelings and wait until after Xmas to include kids.. But he says its all about me controlling him.. I just find this person he has become so hard to like., in fact I'm so filled with rage for him and I have this burning hate for her...
> Someone tell me how I can cope with the pain...


Do not agree to things you are not ok with.


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## Raffles (Oct 20, 2012)

Thanks. Yes he is a selfish SOB. I asked him to wait until after the holidays but no. He's having Xmas lunch with kids and his family and ow. No he can't respect me, he looks at it as controlling him. The loyal good person I loved for all my life is gone. He has turned into a monster. 
I just do not know why he is doing this. It's like he's trying everything to hurt me as much as possible.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Raffles said:


> Thanks. Yes he is a selfish SOB. I asked him to wait until after the holidays but no. He's having Xmas lunch with kids and his family and ow. No he can't respect me, he looks at it as controlling him. The loyal good person I loved for all my life is gone. He has turned into a monster.
> I just do not know why he is doing this. It's like he's trying everything to hurt me as much as possible.


He can only do what you allow


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I always hate the excuse "I've started to have 'feelings' for her/him".
If you're married. You should have nipped those feeling in the bud. Be a man, stick to your vows, work harder at your marriage, do more for your wife, seek help, read a self help marriage book, re-ignite the romance, go on vacation with your wife. etc.

Instead they act like these 'feelings' just couldn't be helped. These type of people aren't thinking with their brains if you know what I mean.


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