# I just don't know what to do anymore.



## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Me and my ex split up over a year ago and I have been in a relationship since, to try and help myself get over my ex, and I was so confused an that. The relationship with the other guy only lasted a week because he reaslised I still had really strong feelings for my ex and he got paranoid. I have feelings for both of them and miss them both, but I have more feelings for my ex. Neither of them are talking to me. I've been depressed since my ex left, and I still am now. I just don't know what to do, please can someone help me, :-(.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

I am not sure what your asking? 

YOu do need to work on you though. 
Give us more details


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Well, I don't know.., what do you want to know?


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## Hurting_In_NC (Oct 18, 2011)

I will tell you this, you aren't being fair to yourself, your husband, marriage, or your boyfriend if you enter one relationship before the marriage is completely over. Even once it is, you should take some time to heal yourself before you enter another relationship. Once you've had a chance to reflect on your situation, then and only then should you open yourself to dating and relationships. 

But you are right about one thing. You need to find something to occupy your time and mind while you go through this. Just not another relationship. Use your newfound freedom to go back to school, volunteer for a cause you believe in, or do something you've always wanted to do, but were either too afraid to do, or simply didn't have the time while you were married. Realize the only person that can make you happy is YOU! Once you've got your life back in order, then and only then will you be ready to devote the time and energy necessary to a new, successful relationship.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Hurting_In_NC said:


> I will tell you this, you aren't being fair to yourself, your husband, marriage, or your boyfriend if you enter one relationship before the marriage is completely over. Even once it is, you should take some time to heal yourself before you enter another relationship. Once you've had a chance to reflect on your situation, then and only then should you open yourself to dating and relationships.
> 
> But you are right about one thing. You need to find something to occupy your time and mind while you go through this. Just not another relationship. Use your newfound freedom to go back to school, volunteer for a cause you believe in, or do something you've always wanted to do, but were either too afraid to do, or simply didn't have the time while you were married. Realize the only person that can make you happy is YOU! Once you've got your life back in order, then and only then will you be ready to devote the time and energy necessary to a new, successful relationship.


I wish I could just go back to my ex,:-(. I have tried talking to him telling him how I feel but he didn't believe me. And when he contacts me, it's when he's drunk. Mates have told me that when people are drunk, they tend to go for the thing they want the most. But others have said that he might just be doing it to pick a fight and make me feel worse. When he's been drinking and talks to me, it's on msn, and he starts off being nice, then, he randomly starts asking me questions about when we were together.., he knows I have a bad memory, and when I get the slightest detail wrong then he goes off on one, saying that I'm lying. I don't know what to do,:-(. I'm not lying, I simply just, can't remember.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Baby L ... you need to let your ex go. He broke up with u last year when you cheated on him n its been painfully clear he doesn't want to reconcile from all ur posts. You will never move forward or start to get over him if your still in contact with him. GO NO CONTACT! And stay that way
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Baby L ... you need to let your ex go. He broke up with u last year when you cheated on him n its been painfully clear he doesn't want to reconcile from all ur posts. You will never move forward or start to get over him if your still in contact with him. GO NO CONTACT! And stay that way
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I did cheat on him, I admit that. But it doesn't mean I didn't love him. I hardly ever contaact him, he contacts me.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> I did cheat on him, I admit that. But it doesn't mean I didn't love him. I hardly ever contaact him, he contacts me.


Louis, you shattered this guys heart by cheating. He clearly has very deep unresolved hurt from that. He is looking fr closure, not R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

xBaby-Louisex said:


> I did cheat on him, I admit that. But it doesn't mean I didn't love him.


Imagine, if you will, if the roles had been reversed and he stated to us the he loved you despite his cheating on you. Would you believe him? Unless you know firsthand the devastating pain of being betrayed, it is hard to see how your declaration of loving him is nothing more than BS. 

'In love with' is an emotion, 'I love my' is a choice, an action. You probably fall into the former category because when it came to the latter, your actions proved otherwise.

I'm not saying this to be harsh or condescending towards you but to help you see how your words and your actions did not match. That is the past of course, but you can learn from it so you can make the healthy choice of changing your toxic behavior which eventually sabotages any committed relationship you go into.



> I hardly ever contact him, he contacts me.


Then stop responding to him when he tries to contact you. It is not healthy to engage each other because it prevents the two of you from recovering emotionally. More so since the purpose of his messages are not to reconcile with you but are attempts to convince himself that he did the right thing in leaving you.

Sometimes when you love someone, you must be tough and make hard decisions. In this case it means no more responding to his messages.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

BabyL...u really need to stop all contact w him. Especially if he reaches out to u and starts calling u a liar and saying rude things every time u talk to him. U have talked to him about it before and apologized for what u did and wanted to reconcile. . He wasn't game so that is that. U can't undo what u did and though u tried to save the relationship...he opted out which is fine...his choice. Nonetheless...u need to move on with ur life. Without him. U are stuck in a vicious cycle w him that will never end if u keep allowing it.u no contact ok? U hav been doing this for a yr or more now with him and its gotten neither of u anywhere.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

1. Depression is caused my cognitive distortions triggered by stunning events like the breakup of a marriage. Look them up thru google, catch yourself doing it and get back on track. 

2. Low key companiionship socializing and dating is a nice way to spend time during your come back. Get out of the house and spend time tryingout some new things and new people without an all or nothing distorrted view. Feel free to be discrimianting and make good choices. 

We tend to rush a poor choice when feeling alone. Take you time but dont spend so much time alone. You can make strides back to your life where you feel back in some control by making small decisions who and how to spend your time. 

While you are doing so, dont think about your past or your exes. Think instead about he future. Certainly dont talk about it with new acqauintences. it can be a drag unless the are also going thru it. If so, that can drag on you also. 

Too much of anything is no good for anyone. Lighten up and start your engine again just keep it in first or second gear for a bit.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

morituri said:


> Imagine, if you will, if the roles had been reversed and he stated to us the he loved you despite his cheating on you. Would you believe him? Unless you know firsthand the devastating pain of being betrayed, it is hard to see how your declaration of loving him is nothing more than BS.
> 
> 'In love with' is an emotion, 'I love my' is a choice, an action. You probably fall into the former category because when it came to the latter, your actions proved otherwise.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your comment.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> BabyL...u really need to stop all contact w him. Especially if he reaches out to u and starts calling u a liar and saying rude things every time u talk to him. U have talked to him about it before and apologized for what u did and wanted to reconcile. . He wasn't game so that is that. U can't undo what u did and though u tried to save the relationship...he opted out which is fine...his choice. Nonetheless...u need to move on with ur life. Without him. U are stuck in a vicious cycle w him that will never end if u keep allowing it.u no contact ok? U hav been doing this for a yr or more now with him and its gotten neither of u anywhere.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's just so difficult, :-(.


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## xBaby-Louisex (Nov 1, 2010)

YupItsMe said:


> 1. Depression is caused my cognitive distortions triggered by stunning events like the breakup of a marriage. Look them up thru google, catch yourself doing it and get back on track.
> 
> 2. Low key companiionship socializing and dating is a nice way to spend time during your come back. Get out of the house and spend time tryingout some new things and new people without an all or nothing distorrted view. Feel free to be discrimianting and make good choices.
> 
> ...


Thank you,.


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