# A party I shouldn't have attended..



## My 8 year mistake (Nov 7, 2018)

I'm here again because I have no one else to talk to. This shouldn't concern me but all the things I left behind came back again.

On 31st Dec I attended a party I really shouldn't have. A close friend took me. It was organised by a guy who organises parties for a living. After 12 when everyone was finished wishing each other happy new year the guy took up the mike from the DJ and introduced another family with two kids. Then he called up his wife and asked what was her nature of relationship with the other family or specifically the husband. She said she didn't know him. He started showing all exchanged msgs on the projector. It was horrifying for me. The msgs were are almost same word for word to my almost ex and OM. I wanted to leave so desparately but my body didn't move.

I just don't want drama. I still get it.


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## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

Ouch. Outed in public.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Other... family...? Ouch. That's a savage move out a cheating spouse in front of the lover's kids... wow...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm very sorry you were traumatized, but HIGH FIVE to that dude!!


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Now that was a way to blow it up . did he also hand her divoice papers . would love to have seen the after math of that revile . how many people was there . that is a guy not going to take the lies . more people should do that .


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Well, that will put an end to something. Probably both.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

What? You mean they set up a whole "fake" party on NYE just to do this? The whole thing planned? With lots of "innocent" people attending - ruining new years for everyone. So now their whole NY which is supposed to be happy is now all about how this guy got cheated on and they were all duped into attending this fake party just so this guy could get revenge? How selfish. I can't imagine how anyone would think this is cool.

It traumatized the OP and probably the kids but how awful for everyone else too. I guess he was only thinking about himself.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Why would that ruin it for EVERYONE? Everyone didn't get cheated on. Maybe it will make people in attendance think twice about ever cheating!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> Why would that ruin it for EVERYONE? Everyone didn't get cheated on. Maybe it will make people in attendance think twice about ever cheating!


Awkward+++++++


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I personally think that is a great way to deal with that. Out them right to everyone. The only thing that would have toped that is for him to have her served right at that moment as well. 

Good for him for taking charge of his life.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

I would have loved to see that guys wife's face and the OM face . i can just imagine the OM's wife was thinking when she saw that . talking about priceless moment . i hope he got it on camera . if he did he should post it here .


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Hey my8yearmistake if you know the guy you should send a link to the site


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Yikes, what a way to bring in the New Year. I know that cheating is bad, but I can't help but feel badly for everyone involved, especially the kids. No way should they be pulled into adult matters like that.
@My 8 year mistake, I'm really sorry that you had to bear witness to that, and that it brought up memories for you to now work through.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Part of me wants to high-five the guy, the other part of me feels like that would suck for the innocent parties that were there. I outted my husbands affair on FB. Tagged him in the post. So upwards of about 2000 people saw my post between his friends and my friends. I received a ton of messages that day from people I knew and didn’t know. Mostly supportive, but there were a lot of people who thought what I did was in poor taste because it was no one else’s business but mine and my husbands. Heck, I got deleted by some people over it and some family has refused to talk to me since then. While I still fully agree with blowing an affair up, there are some people who don’t want to be a part of the drama and take it very personally. I do feel bad for the OP though. Sometimes others infidelity can trigger your own feelings.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

Everybody was like oohhhhh snaaaapp!


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Well, it's a better ending than a I thought when I first read the thread title. I was expecting something along the lines of "I got drunk and my **** fell on/into his/her ****".


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

3Xnocharm said:


> Why would that ruin it for EVERYONE? Everyone didn't get cheated on. Maybe it will make people in attendance think twice about ever cheating!


It seems *really *inconsiderate to the guests. A party is supposed to be a fun time of coming together and connecting. To have that drama shoved in all guest's faces, whether they like it or not, was probably incredibly uncomfortable to a lot of the guests. It would be like having a bucket of ice water poured on the party.

Of course, it would also be memorable!

I have a cousin who had an affair on her first husband with a guy who was in a club they were in. At the club meeting with both of them there, her husband took the mic and exposed their affair. :surprise: She was pretty mortified!


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

That is awful. Horrible for the kids to see, let alone the persons kids who it was. WRONG.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

How old are all the kids involved in this? Were any of the kids friends from school there?
As great as it is that the affair was publicly exposed, the collateral damage to the kids and others sensitive to the subject, like the OP, is too high, in my opinion.
Should have been a grown ups only party.

Hope you are able to get back to where you were again after this trigger.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

3Xnocharm said:


> Why would that ruin it for EVERYONE?


Fair enough. Let's try "Ruined it for everyone who wouldn't be caught dead watching the Maury Povich show".


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

The truth is a funny thing. It tends to it sheds light into all kinds of darkness.

He will pay a price for doing it.
She will pay a price for her affair.
DJ pays a price.
Observers pay a price for their witness.

But when all's said and done, who's to say this wasn't the guys last resort to save his marriage?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

SpinyNorman said:


> Fair enough. Let's try "Ruined it for everyone who wouldn't be caught dead watching the Maury Povich show".


Who is Maury Povich? 

While I like to know that a cheater has been undeniably outed, I don't like when innocent people are drug into the drama.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> Who is Maury Povich?
> 
> While I like to know that a cheater has been undeniably outed, I don't like when innocent people are drug into the drama.


Host of a TV show where you be "entertained" by the lifestyles of people who should not come out from under their rocks. You can find him in wikipedia or a search engine.

If a friend wanted to tell me about his cheating spouse or a backed up toilet, I'd try to help. If a stranger wants to tell me about either of those things, I will scream "GET THE **** AWAY FROM ME!" on a loop until he complies.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I don’t like being involved in other people’s drama. 

I would have been first shocked, then disgusted for being involuntary made a part of such a spectacle. 

Yes it would have ruined my NYE. New Years for me is a time for fun and revelry. Laughs and smiles, not jaw dropping gossip. 

Not horrifying and humiliating children in front of a crowd. How terribly unfair for the children. I would feel HORRIBLE for them if I was there or even knew of this. 

I bet that will be an NYE that no one forgets, not because of the fond memories, but because of the horrible event. 

Sorry, the cheaters are selfish jerks - but this was also a really selfish move by the BS. 

In front of their children !?!


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

What was wrong?

You don’t like seeing what cheating creates?

Wasn’t it a reality check? It should have been.

What introspection have you learn? About yourself - in all of this?


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

The problem is that outing the wife at a party may produce an unwanted result. It certainly will not make a divorce easier but it does allow the cheating wife to feel justified.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

sidney2718 said:


> The problem is that outing the wife at a party may produce an unwanted result. It certainly will not make a divorce easier but it does allow the cheating wife to feel justified.


I'm sure she'd feel justified either way.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

As far as I'm concerned, the guy who threw this party handled exposure like a Boss! He's got my respect.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

My 8 year mistake said:


> I'm here again because I have no one else to talk to. This shouldn't concern me but all the things I left behind came back again.
> 
> On 31st Dec I attended a party I really shouldn't have. A close friend took me. It was organised by a guy who organises parties for a living. After 12 when everyone was finished wishing each other happy new year the guy took up the mike from the DJ and introduced another family with two kids. Then he called up his wife and asked what was her nature of relationship with the other family or specifically the husband. She said she didn't know him. He started showing all exchanged msgs on the projector. It was horrifying for me. The msgs were are almost same word for word to my almost ex and OM. I wanted to leave so desparately but my body didn't move.
> 
> I just don't want drama. I still get it.


So a married man who has 2 kids was at this party with another woman, and the DJ announced the name of the family and then called the other woman up on stage? The other woman lied and pretended not to know him, as if she had just been standing by him at the party? Was it looking like they were on a date with each other up until then? Was anyone who knew him or his wife at this party?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I cannot imagine doing that in front of children. Children should be protected.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

SpinyNorman said:


> If a friend wanted to tell me about his cheating spouse or a backed up toilet, I'd try to help. If a stranger wants to tell me about either of those things, I will scream "GET THE **** AWAY FROM ME!" on a loop until he complies.


Stranger's backed up toilets turn you into a drama queen?



CynthiaDe said:


> I cannot imagine doing that in front of children. Children should be protected.


 This^ is my only problem with the exposure. 
Hell, the guy likely paid for the food, drinks, DJ, and party favors and even had the decency to wait until after midnight. His party, his rules but he shouldn't have done it in front of the kids, especially making them the center of attention by calling them up. 
The OP may have triggered and that sucks, but I expect the majority of the attendees were at least slightly amused.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Stranger's backed up toilets turn you into a drama queen?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I disagree. It sounds like people were invited with no idea that there would be this big surprise. A negative surprise that would kill the evening for normal people. Yeah some might be amused like watching Jerry Springer but I don't think the host would want his pain to be a freak show. NYE comes once a year and many people choose their plans carefully among different options with different friends or family. Some might have bought a new dress, paid for a taxi, hotel, babysitter, etc. Some might have brought a date (yeah how do you look taking a date to THAT party?). All of this with no idea what the real purpose of the party is and no idea that the host was going to hijack everyone's night like this. His party his rules - yeah but there's a point where it's very rude not to have people know what kind of party they are attending - that goes for any time but especially NYE.

Would you be Ok going to a NYE party where you think it's a regular party and then right after midnight the host starts giving a presentation to sell you something like a timeshare or cleaning products? Or maybe they take over the party to start preaching their political views. That would be very annoying whereas this is worse as it's very negative in tone. This isn't a surprise like a cool band showing up to play or bringing out a cake or singing happy birthday to a guest. This takes over the party and makes it into something that most people would find negative and unpalatable.

Perhaps if you have been cheated on and feel hurt yourself by someone then you can applaud this kind of revenge but if you step back and look at it like a normal person then I think it can only be seen as weird and an awful NYE thrust on people who were duped into using their NYE as extras in this guy's ambush show. Disgraceful and selfish. It's not surprising that someone who fails to see how his own satisfaction of revenge shouldn't come at the expense of everyone at the party would have a bad marriage. Fine do what revenge you feel you need but why drag everyone else into it?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Without hearing from the betrayed spouses involved there is no way we can ever know the full story.

Did they work together to bring about the exposure?

What did they show? Just messages? Images? Videos?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Well you could argue it took two years to expose to affair. I keep wondering how so many people can be stupid enough to text messages to each other. And people have the gall to criticize snake handlers in certain religions.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

JustTheWife said:


> I disagree. It sounds like people were invited with no idea that there would be this big surprise. A negative surprise that would kill the evening for normal people. Yeah some might be amused like watching Jerry Springer but I don't think the host would want his pain to be a freak show. NYE comes once a year and many people choose their plans carefully among different options with different friends or family. Some might have bought a new dress, paid for a taxi, hotel, babysitter, etc. Some might have brought a date (yeah how do you look taking a date to THAT party?). All of this with no idea what the real purpose of the party is and no idea that the host was going to hijack everyone's night like this. His party his rules - yeah but there's a point where it's very rude not to have people know what kind of party they are attending - that goes for any time but especially NYE.
> 
> Would you be Ok going to a NYE party where you think it's a regular party and then right after midnight the host starts giving a presentation to sell you something like a timeshare or cleaning products? Or maybe they take over the party to start preaching their political views. That would be very annoying whereas this is worse as it's very negative in tone. This isn't a surprise like a cool band showing up to play or bringing out a cake or singing happy birthday to a guest. This takes over the party and makes it into something that most people would find negative and unpalatable.
> 
> Perhaps if you have been cheated on and feel hurt yourself by someone then you can applaud this kind of revenge but if you step back and look at it like a normal person then I think it can only be seen as weird and an awful NYE thrust on people who were duped into using their NYE as extras in this guy's ambush show. Disgraceful and selfish. It's not surprising that someone who fails to see how his own satisfaction of revenge shouldn't come at the expense of everyone at the party would have a bad marriage. Fine do what revenge you feel you need but why drag everyone else into it?





If the affair was active at this time of exposure, then all what you have written is rendered useless. Affairs thrive on secrecy and deception, the only way for a betrayed to kill that affair is by exposing. Normally I suggest being nuclear in an exposure, to kill it dead where it stands. Only then can a wayward understand the true consequences of their actions quickly and decisively. To do this in front of children is wrong, but if they were over eighteen, fine. Of course, if you don’t cheat then you have nothing to worry about. You could also blame the true problem, the two who cheated for putting you in your uneasy or difficult feelings when the exposure was outed. One way to see it is, not my clowns, not my circus and move on. To OP, I’m sure this triggered you, for that I feel for you, I hope you can move on towards peace and happiness.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Look at it like this at least she can't go around saying she didn't cheat and try to blame it on the BS . because everyone knows the truth about it


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The OP didn't say that the kids were in attendance. Midnight is awfully late for little kids to stay up. Hopefully, they were home and tucked into bed.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

drifting on said:


> If the affair was active at this time of exposure, then all what you have written is rendered useless. Affairs thrive on secrecy and deception, the only way for a betrayed to kill that affair is by exposing. Normally I suggest being nuclear in an exposure, to kill it dead where it stands. Only then can a wayward understand the true consequences of their actions quickly and decisively. To do this in front of children is wrong, but if they were over eighteen, fine. Of course, if you don’t cheat then you have nothing to worry about. You could also blame the true problem, the two who cheated for putting you in your uneasy or difficult feelings when the exposure was outed. One way to see it is, not my clowns, not my circus and move on. To OP, I’m sure this triggered you, for that I feel for you, I hope you can move on towards peace and happiness.


It doesn't matter one bit if the affair was in the past or active. Dragging "innocent" friends, family and strangers into your revenge ambush on NYE is wrong, rude and selfish either way. We'll have to just disagree on that but while some who have been cheated on might be high fiving this guy, keep in mind that normal people dragged into this will likely have much less sympathy for the betrayed spouse when they are pulling crap stunts like this and ruining people's NYE.

Seems everyone is finding a way to drop the phrase "not my clowns not my circus" as you have here. But OK, I'll agree that this is the attitude people would have. You realize that means that everyone will put the betrayed spouse in the same category as the cheaters. Basically it's saying "you're all crazy and I want no part of your crap". So consider this type of revenge if you want to make yourself look as bad as the cheaters and you want all your friends and family to just say "screw you all, i'm out of here".


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Hey JustTheWife, .... have you told your husband yet?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

syhoybenden said:


> Hey JustTheWife, .... have you told your husband yet?


 Maybe he's planning a big party soon. Valentine's day?


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I honestly think exposure is mostly petty and rarely fulfilling. I know a lot of people say that they loved the moment that they dropped the dime on their spouse to everyone, but it doesn’t do anything for me and really, would likely make me sadder. Plus, if you have kids involved, it’s even worse. 

I think dignity and integrity are better. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, tell your spouse you know they are cheating, you have filed for divorce and you want it to go nice and easy. You don’t need uneccessary stress and you don’t want this to be a big dramatic situation.

Revenge is rarely worth it and unless you are fapping to the outcome every night, it’s a fleeting feeling. Plus, you have sunk yourself. Maybe not to their level, but there is something to be said about feeling good about yourself by not giving in to that kind of temptation.

That being said, as a bystander, if I see it, I will laugh my ass off.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> The OP didn't say that the kids were in attendance. Midnight is awfully late for little kids to stay up. Hopefully, they were home and tucked into bed.


How many of you don't believe the kids most often know when parents are screwing around. Over 50 years ago my buddies and I knew Mr. E and Mrs K was getting it on when her old man was out of town, that the Asst Principal was doing a classmates mother (son told us) and Mr and Mrs W was having swap meets at their house, only house with a pool and tall privacy fence, about every other week. One buddy even set up his one of his fathers old transit in the eve of their work shop so we could watch some of the action over the fence and about 150 yards out. Kids know more about what's going on in the neighborhood than you do, they talk and snicker about it like we use to do, including hearing and sometime recording, you and your spouse (or whoever),banging away in the bedroom. Even Jimmy Carter in one of his books, disclosed him and his siblings knew his daddy was banging a widow occasionally while they waited in the wagon outside her house. Your kids have your number; don't think they don't.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

He nuked it from the ground. Not eve orbit. 

Wow.

Putting aside the kids if there were kids, the problem with this is if you DO stay with this person then all your friends feel sorry for you.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

syhoybenden said:


> Hey JustTheWife, .... have you told your husband yet?





Rubix Cubed said:


> Maybe he's planning a big party soon. Valentine's day?


you disagree with my opinion on this so you throw my problems in my face when they have nothing to do with this thread? That's not very nice.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I shouldnthave said:


> I don’t like being involved in other people’s drama.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yes, pretty petty. I can’t imagine any positive feedback you could get from arranging this petty display.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

drifting on said:


> If the affair was active at this time of exposure, then all what you have written is rendered useless. Affairs thrive on secrecy and deception, the only way for a betrayed to kill that affair is by exposing. Normally I suggest being nuclear in an exposure, to kill it dead where it stands. Only then can a wayward understand the true consequences of their actions quickly and decisively. To do this in front of children is wrong, but if they were over eighteen, fine. Of course, if you don’t cheat then you have nothing to worry about. You could also blame the true problem, the two who cheated for putting you in your uneasy or difficult feelings when the exposure was outed. One way to see it is, not my clowns, not my circus and move on. To OP, I’m sure this triggered you, for that I feel for you, I hope you can move on towards peace and happiness.



Ok I admit, I have not been cheated on and this need for this (revenge?) is totally foreign to me.
If my partner had an affair, it’s clear she wants to move on. It’s not my responsibility to try and change her mind or subject her to punishment.
It would suck but so do a lot of things. For this reason, I don’t read certain sections here.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Anyway, rest assured nobody will ever want to attend this guy’s party ever again...


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Yes, pretty petty. I can’t imagine any positive feedback you could get from arranging this petty display.


I thought the mantra here was expose the affair, tell the affair partners spouse and family, confront the WS with the evidence, have a talk with the OM, report the affair to their employer, et cetera. This cat merely covered all that ground in few minute grand finale. You can't accuse him of dragging it out and rug sweeping. However, I do agree with you that its better to rid yourself of the problem and ride quietly into the sunset. Forgive her and forget her mes amis.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Her head seems perfectly screwed on to me. What’s her situation got to do with this thread here?
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 Why would you quote a post and ask a question that @syhoybenden answered clearly in the said quoted post? 
Her approach to any BS's situation is based out of her relationship which is built on lies. As a tool to see how a remorseless wife thinks it could have some benefit. Skewed perspective indeed.




JustTheWife said:


> you disagree with my opinion on this so you throw my problems in my face when they have nothing to do with this thread? That's not very nice.


 Sometimes the truth is *NOT* nice, that's why it's hidden and lied about.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Why would you quote a post and ask a question that @syhoybenden answered clearly in the said quoted post?
> Her approach to any BS's situation is based out of her relationship which is built on lies. As a tool to see how a remorseless wife thinks it could have some benefit. Skewed perspective indeed.
> 
> 
> ...



Well, ALL opinions are ‘skewed’ by definition. They are shaped by our experience.

Just because she made a decision to keep HER PAST to herself, doesn’t mean she is not allowed to give her opinion on a totally different situation.

I don’t think it’s fair to give her this kind of treatment here.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> *Well, ALL opinions are ‘skewed’ by definition.* They are shaped by our experience.
> 
> 
> *I don’t think it’s fair to give her this kind of treatment here.*
> ...


 And that is your opinion



_Sorry for the threadjack._


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> Ok I admit, I have not been cheated on and this need for this (revenge?) is totally foreign to me.
> *If my partner had an affair, it’s clear she wants to move on.* It’s not my responsibility to try and change her mind or subject her to punishment.
> It would suck but so do a lot of things. For this reason, I don’t read certain sections here.
> 
> ...


That's not always the case.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Stranger's backed up toilets turn you into a drama queen?


 I didn't know not putting up w/ creeps made one a drama queen, but if it does, then I am one.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Unless the WS and the lover were both gaslighting everyone, making out to everyone that BS was nothing but a mean old paranoiac who was misreading the situation and imagining all sorts of things that just were not so?

I can imagine that if that was the case a major reveal like this would serve a useful purpose, as there would then be no doubts in the mind of anyone there that the affair was a real thing and the gaslight was suddenly extinguished.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Beach123 said:


> What was wrong?


What I would object to is being baited w/ "Come dance in the new year!" and being blindsided with someone's ugly spectacle.


> You don’t like seeing what cheating creates?


Of course not.


> Wasn’t it a reality check? It should have been.


To me a reality check establishes something that was in question. So no, not a reality check.


> What introspection have you learn? About yourself - in all of this?


Nothing I didn't know.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> That's not always the case.



That may well be the case but why is it the husband’s responsibility to change wife’s mind? She made a decision. She is allowed to make a choice, even if it was done in a morally highly objectionable way.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Unless the WS and the lover were both gaslighting everyone, making out to everyone that BS was nothing but a mean old paranoiac who was misreading the situation and imagining all sorts of things that just were not so?
> 
> 
> 
> I can imagine that if that was the case a major reveal like this would serve a useful purpose, as there would then be no doubts in the mind of anyone there that the affair was a real thing and the gaslight was suddenly extinguished.



I am not sure I get this gaslighting business: why is this anyone else’s business whether the wife cheated or not?
It sounds to me like just another form of retaliation.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> That may well be the case but why is it the husband’s responsibility to change wife’s mind? She made a decision. She is allowed to make a choice, even if it was done in a morally highly objectionable way.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I meant that moving on might not be part of their plan.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

SpinyNorman said:


> I didn't know not putting up w/ creeps made one a drama queen, but if it does, then I am one.


 "Putting up with creeps" doesn't but the way you proposed to handle it sure does.



> If a stranger wants to tell me about either of those things, I* will scream "GET THE **** AWAY FROM ME!" on a loop until he complies*.


 Reminiscent of a toddler (w/ a foul mouth) that is not getting their way.


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

I agree with many that outing an affair is usually the best way of ensuring a resolution to an untenable situation. At the very least, the lovers can be forced to be accountable for their now undeniable actions. But I don't believe "outing" an affair should be about revenge. Or that it should be conducted in a public free-for-all. It should be intended to end the affair, not to maximally humiliate both wayward spouses. It should be managed to achieve that end with as little damage to bystanders as possible. The potential collateral damage here wasn't just the poor party-goers forced to bear witness to the unpleasantness, the children (who were brought on stage to share their parent's shame - and I'm just imagining the impact of going through that as a vulnerable teenager), but also the other BS. 

I don't know whether the "hero" of the story was acting with the OMW's agreement. Maybe they planned this together. Maybe he had spent months sending her proof of her husband's infidelity and she had shut him out. But from the information given here, I think it unlikely. Which means that that poor woman possibly found out about her husband's infidelity in the most publicly humiliating way possible. And given that being cheated on is the most humiliating thing that has happened to me, I'm putting myself in her place and extrapolating that a thousandfold. 

Being hurt does not ever give us the right to pass that pain on. And I see this man's actions as being incredibly cruel and thoughtless. And anyone who would have liked to have been at that party to rejoice with him in that cruelty as nothing more than shallow rubberneckers parasitically feeding off the pain and humiliation of others. 

In my ****ing opinion.


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

JustTheWife said:


> It doesn't matter one bit if the affair was in the past or active. Dragging "innocent" friends, family and strangers into your revenge ambush on NYE is wrong, rude and selfish either way. We'll have to just disagree on that but while some who have been cheated on might be high fiving this guy, keep in mind that normal people dragged into this will likely have much less sympathy for the betrayed spouse when they are pulling crap stunts like this and ruining people's NYE.
> 
> Seems everyone is finding a way to drop the phrase "not my clowns not my circus" as you have here. But OK, I'll agree that this is the attitude people would have. You realize that means that everyone will put the betrayed spouse in the same category as the cheaters. Basically it's saying "you're all crazy and I want no part of your crap". So consider this type of revenge if you want to make yourself look as bad as the cheaters and you want all your friends and family to just say "screw you all, i'm out of here".


Just,

I don't know your story. And frankly I don't believe it could be relevant (in disqualifying you from participating) in this conversation. But know that when your opponents have to take refuge in denying your right to speak, it's because they don't know how to refute your actual argument. 

Kudos.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

The Middleman said:


> As far as I'm concerned, the guy who threw this party handled exposure like a Boss! He's got my respect.


Well....yeah

The only thing he missed was shooting her and her family, right?

The disgusting applauding of murder aside....in this case of the party, I feel zero sympathy for the cheaters.

I do feel for the kids and guests. Aduktery or not, it was classless.

I believe in exposure, but not in being white trash.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

inmyprime said:


> Well, ALL opinions are ‘skewed’ by definition. They are shaped by our experience.
> 
> Just because she made a decision to keep HER PAST to herself, doesn’t mean she is not allowed to give her opinion on a totally different situation.
> 
> ...


Thank you prime. I wish people would just respond to my post and not make personal attacks. Attack my words on this post and disagree with me but why do they have to attack me personally based on the kind of person that they think that I am?

Do you have to be perfect to provide an opinion in this forum? What they are trying to bring up has nothing to do with this thread and it's only attacks.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

syhoybenden said:


> Dear JustTheWife, with all due respect, this is how I see it.
> 
> Since you do not yet have your own head screwed on straight, since you do not yet have your own house in order, since it apparently disturbs you to see honesty in action and its resulting fallout thereby keeping you in an utter state of denial regarding your own transgression, all lead me to submit to you that your outlook and therefore opinion are too skewed to be valid here.
> 
> ...


It's up to you to invalidate people's opinions based on what you think of them personally? You have no idea how much or how little "my house is in order" and your post is totally outrageous. I have no idea why you would bring all this up when I just commented on something totally unrelated to myself. It's just an attack on me personally.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> That's not always the case.




I should have added: “as far as I’m concerned”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> I should have added: “as far as I’m concerned”
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I was specifically thinking of a spouse who wants "a bit on the side" yet who still loves their husband/wife and doesn't intend to leave them.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I was specifically thinking of a spouse who wants "a bit on the side" yet who still loves their husband/wife and doesn't intend to leave them.



Ah ok. I would have thought that would be quite rare?
Sounds kind of hot though  (super horny spouse). As my husbandy duty, it would be my obligation to not only ‘expose’ the spouse (literally) but also bring her some fresh male meat for breakfast daily . It’s not good manners to leave your woman starved for sex!
(With apologies to anyone who found themselves in this situation).


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I guess in todays society that was the correct way to expose an affair...but back in the day...a good public beating would have been my go to.

I think kids today don't see the real consequences for bad choices, especially when one of their parent was cheated on by the other and kids see there one parent run off with the AP like its all ok.


I believe not only the wayward be accounted for but the AP should be made accountable.


Wouldn't it be great if we could still dual???


I mean when did protecting the family unit become so low on every ones priority list.....I mean at the very least the law of the land should at the very least protect the family unit with laws against infidelity....I mean under half the states in this great land make adultery illegal and even then it's weakly enforced.


So now a days a betrayed gets to... at best publicly humiliate the wayward and that's all!!!I mean what kind of deterrent is that? What kind of lesson can be learned?

Don't get me wrong here....not talking about some kind of "purge" thing...just that it should be ok/legal to trash the AP.


That's my $0.02


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

As a betrayed the deception was absolutely brutal, trust me that I know deception very well @JustTheWife. As someone who was lied to repeatedly, for years, that deception cuts deeply. I responded to your words, nothing else, yet you proclaim to be attacked for lying to your husband. As someone who was gaslighted for years, you tend to begin to think you are crazy, until you get proof that says otherwise. Only then does the hurt hit you like a kick in the gut from a horse. What you believed was all fake, you are humiliated and ashamed. The one person you trusted fully threw everything away for what? I felt like trash, that I could be discarded so easily no matter my feelings.

Deception hurts, and this wayward was
asked if she knew this other person, yet she continued to lie. This shows me that she had been using deception prior to the party. Perhaps this betrayed’s rage took over, and he decided the best way to end the affair was to out her publicly. Sure, he could have made so many other choices, ironically, so could she. But she lied when asked by him one last time, and paid a dear price for it. Perhaps his rage could have been to sabotage her car, cause great bodily harm, and so on, but he chose to out her publicly. You never know how the betrayed will react to being hit with a nuclear bomb, obviously this person hit back with a good punch of his own. Was it wrong to hit as hard as you were hit? You may not like what he did, it may be over the top, but I assure you he got his waywards attention. This was most obviously his intention, in my opinion, that this wayward had no problem with their double life and he exposed it to everyone. 

@Mizzbak I too would have felt as you say you would. Not sure how I would even react to being hit like that publicly.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

When you open the door to infidelity you have no control over what comes out later.

The BH seemed over the top but we don't know what all transpired to cause him to take such a drastic action.

The cruelty involved in an affair often knows no bounds.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

inmyprime said:


> Ah ok. I would have thought that would be quite rare?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Not really. Think of all the times when the cheating spouse (or, continuing in the topic at hand, cheating wife) begs for a second chance.

If they almost always had moved on, then the response to exposure would almost always be, "OK, you busted me, I'm outta here anyway." But it's not. It is typically lies, denial, etc., followed by trickle truth with begging for forgiveness for the limited amount admitted to. Very contrary to what should be expected from someone who has "already moved on."


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

The snarkiness directed towards @JustTheWife: As fellow members of this forum, we can be polite and respectful to people, even if someone doesn't agree with her history.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I was specifically thinking of a spouse who wants "a bit on the side" yet who still loves their husband/wife and doesn't intend to leave them.


LOL...isn't that just about 99.9% of cheaters?

Otherwise, they wouldn't work SO hard and lie SO much in order to keep it a secret.:grin2:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL...isn't that just about 99.9% of cheaters?
> 
> Otherwise, they wouldn't work SO hard and lie SO much in order to keep it a secret.:grin2:


Maybe I'm mean, but I wonder how many actually want to stay married versus how many just don't want their lifestyle to have to change? I mean, if they are so miserable they have to cheat, why stay married? They stay married because divorcing would be hard and would mean big life changes. Yes, there are cheaters who, for whatever internal or maybe external reason are unhappy, and once they face things they realize they love their spouses and want to change. But sadly, I think many just don't want the hassle of a divorce, and they think they can do both


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I will assume (or better yet) hope that the kids were not actually present there. I have no sympathy for cheaters, but to do this if the kids were actually present is seriously fd up.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Maybe I'm mean, but I wonder how many actually want to stay married versus how many just don't want their lifestyle to have to change? I mean, if they are so miserable they have to cheat, why stay married? They stay married because divorcing would be hard and would mean big life changes. Yes, there are cheaters who, for whatever internal or maybe external reason are unhappy, and once they face things they realize they love their spouses and want to change. But sadly, I think many just don't want the hassle of a divorce, and they think they can do both


 Bingo. I'd guess the bulk of those that want to stay are exactly that. Doing it for selfish, lazy reasons as seen in the "reconciliations" that fall apart after a year/years vs. the waywards who put in the hard yards and have successful R. In the latter it would be apparent that they wanted to stay out of love. The former is just convenience.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> I will assume (or better yet) hope that the kids were not actually present there. I have no sympathy for cheaters, but to do this if the kids were actually present is seriously fd up.


 I was just going by this from the OP. Maybe they weren't there but reads like they were.



> ... the DJ and introduced another family with two kids. Then he called up his wife and asked what was her nature of relationship with the other family or specifically the husband.


 I guess @My 8 year mistake could clarify if they are compelled to. It would *REALLY* be interesting to hear the host's side of things, to see if this is his nature or if extreme abuse set the wheels in motion for the party. 

You hear about the wedding party where one partner cheats and the other puts evidence under everyone's chairs and announces the infidelity during the service. Do the critics of the party host think that scenario wasted the attendee's time?


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

drifting on said:


> As a betrayed the deception was absolutely brutal, trust me that I know deception very well @JustTheWife. As someone who was lied to repeatedly, for years, that deception cuts deeply. I responded to your words, nothing else, yet you proclaim to be attacked for lying to your husband. As someone who was gaslighted for years, you tend to begin to think you are crazy, until you get proof that says otherwise. Only then does the hurt hit you like a kick in the gut from a horse. What you believed was all fake, you are humiliated and ashamed. The one person you trusted fully threw everything away for what? I felt like trash, that I could be discarded so easily no matter my feelings.
> 
> Deception hurts, and this wayward was
> asked if she knew this other person, yet she continued to lie. This shows me that she had been using deception prior to the party. Perhaps this betrayed’s rage took over, and he decided the best way to end the affair was to out her publicly. Sure, he could have made so many other choices, ironically, so could she. But she lied when asked by him one last time, and paid a dear price for it. Perhaps his rage could have been to sabotage her car, cause great bodily harm, and so on, but he chose to out her publicly. You never know how the betrayed will react to being hit with a nuclear bomb, obviously this person hit back with a good punch of his own. Was it wrong to hit as hard as you were hit? You may not like what he did, it may be over the top, but I assure you he got his waywards attention. This was most obviously his intention, in my opinion, that this wayward had no problem with their double life and he exposed it to everyone.
> ...


I'm sorry you were betrayed.

I am a Christian and i forgive rather than seek revenge so I don't understand "hit as hard as you were hit". Anyway, my point was not even about hitting or not hitting, it was about ruining everyone's NYE by making their NYE all about what happened to him. 

Some people here have treated me badly and I forgive them because we all have our problems. I haven't walked a mile in their shoes. I understand why people would want to lash out at me, resent me or even hate me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Damn.

Pretty rough but also kinda awesome.

(To be clear, I’ve not really read beyond the initial post.)


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

My 8 year mistake said:


> I'm here again because I have no one else to talk to. This shouldn't concern me but all the things I left behind came back again.
> 
> On 31st Dec I attended a party I really shouldn't have. A close friend took me. It was organised by a guy who organises parties for a living. After 12 when everyone was finished wishing each other happy new year the guy took up the mike from the DJ and introduced another family with two kids. Then he called up his wife and asked what was her nature of relationship with the other family or specifically the husband. She said she didn't know him. He started showing all exchanged msgs on the projector. It was horrifying for me. The msgs were are almost same word for word to my almost ex and OM. I wanted to leave so desparately but my body didn't move.
> 
> I just don't want drama. I still get it.


What a complete, utter *******. You did not deserve that. Hope that isn't a close friend anymore.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I was just going by this from the OP. Maybe they weren't there but reads like they were.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes, i agree that it would be good to hear more about what on earth would prompt someone to organize such a stunt that brought innocent family, friends, and strangers into this spectacle where all these innocent people were unknowingly conned into sacrificing their NYE to play the role of an "extra" in this tawdry spectacle show.

Yes, I think that the wedding spectacle that you describe is just as bad or even worse. Who wants to be duped into planning for months to attend a wedding (often involves a significant cost to guests in terms of money and time) only to end up conned by the BS's big reveal?

Clearly a room full of people is required for public humiliation of their partner but if you must get revenge like this, try to do it without all the collateral damage of conning friends, family and strangers. 

I understand why some BSs would want to high five this kind of thing but in the end, all it proves is that you have a complete disregard for anyone but yourself.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

This shouldn't have been done in front of the kids, and not done publicly for the poor betrayed husband to find out like that. That was so so wrong.

It's one thing if he knew and wanted to blow her world apart (away from the kids), but not the way it happened.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If there were no NSFW material involved only material that proved that she had been lying about knowing him, would that be quite so bad?

We have only heard a part of the story do we don't know exactly what went down.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

JustTheWife said:


> It doesn't matter one bit if the affair was in the past or active. Dragging "innocent" friends, family and strangers into your revenge ambush on NYE is wrong, rude and selfish either way. We'll have to just disagree on that but while some who have been cheated on might be high fiving this guy, keep in mind that normal people dragged into this will likely have much less sympathy for the betrayed spouse when they are pulling crap stunts like this and ruining people's NYE.
> 
> Seems everyone is finding a way to drop the phrase "not my clowns not my circus" as you have here. But OK, I'll agree that this is the attitude people would have. You realize that means that everyone will put the betrayed spouse in the same category as the cheaters. Basically it's saying "you're all crazy and I want no part of your crap". So consider this type of revenge if you want to make yourself look as bad as the cheaters and you want all your friends and family to just say "screw you all, i'm out of here".






inmyprime said:


> Anyway, rest assured nobody will ever want to attend this guy’s party ever again...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Are you guys kidding? As people have pointed out in other threads here and elsehwere, shows like Jeremy Kyle and Maury Povich are popular guilty pleasures for the masses. People have loved their soap operas world over for decades. "Reality" TV is still a thing just because there's so much drama. Whenever someone online says anything that starts a debate or controversy someone always shows up with a popcorn gif. People love to watch drama play out.

The gossips, busybodies, Drama Llama's, and people who don't want to be out of the gossip loop will be more than happy to show up to the next party hoping for a juicy tidbit.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Are you guys kidding? As people have pointed out in other threads here and elsehwere, shows like Jeremy Kyle and Maury Povich are popular guilty pleasures for the masses. People have loved their soap operas world over for decades. "Reality" TV is still a thing just because there's so much drama. Whenever someone online says anything that starts a debate or controversy someone always shows up with a popcorn gif. People love to watch drama play out.
> 
> The gossips, busybodies, Drama Llama's, and people who don't want to be out of the gossip loop will be more than happy to show up to the next party hoping for a juicy tidbit.


Haha, maybe. Well, I certainly wouldn't (and I hate reality tv/jeremy kyle or whatever).


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Actually I would have enjoyed the hell out of that and the "DJ" should win a trophy for such an epic exposure.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I believe in having the BS expose the A to family members, close friends who are strategic, the other BS, and work (if work was a part of the affair). Also, if it was an affair at church or in a biking group or among a PTA group, etc. then it should be exposed to that group as well.

However, scorched earth, billboard-style exposure cannot ever be said to be for any reason but anger and revenge. I completely understand both the anger and desire for revenge. But a public outing like this with tons of unsuspecting people there is basically classless. That has nothing to do with my feelings on cheating (it's disgusting), but my feelings as a rational human being.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

I continue to be amazed as the passivity of some people in the face of being wronged. I also have absolutely no problem with actions taken in the name of pure "REVENGE" when you've been wronged by another.

Reminds me of one of my favorite movie lines ... "Overkill is Underrated"


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I believe in having the BS expose the A to family members, close friends who are strategic, the other BS, and work (if work was a part of the affair). Also, if it was an affair at church or in a biking group or among a PTA group, etc. then it should be exposed to that group as well.
> 
> However, scorched earth, billboard-style exposure cannot ever be said to be for any reason but anger and revenge. I completely understand both the anger and desire for revenge. But a public outing like this with tons of unsuspecting people there is basically classless. That has nothing to do with my feelings on cheating (it's disgusting), but my feelings as a rational human being.


 "Billboard" (good term by the way) exposure sure limits the blameshifting and history re-writes that inevitably come from the Wayward spouse. Not much question among friends and acquaintances about "who's fault the divorce was" after this kind of exposure.
As much as people want to say "why do you care what others think" it(being falsely accused) can infiltrate way farther into your life than you would ever know. It could cost you friends, jobs, connections, etc. damaging you far worse than just "I don't care what they think". This kind of blanket exposure would do far more to prevent that from happening than just telling relatives etc.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> "Billboard" (good term by the way) exposure sure limits the blameshifting and history re-writes that inevitably come from the Wayward spouse. Not much question among friends and acquaintances about "who's fault the divorce was" after this kind of exposure.
> As much as people want to say "why do you care what others think" it(being falsely accused) can infiltrate way farther into your life than you would ever know. It could cost you friends, jobs, connections, etc. damaging you far worse than just "I don't care what they think". This kind of blanket exposure would do far more to prevent that from happening than just telling relatives etc.



Let's own it.

No one rents out a billboard because they are afraid of history rewriting. They do it because they are mad as hell and want the cheater to pay. Which is completely understandable.

I believe that when you host a party full of people for the sole purpose of sticking it to your cheater spouse in public, it's classless, no matter how disgusting adultery is.

You disagree. And that is fine.

But let's not dress a spectacle up in nobility. We should at least be honest.

No matter what a particular guru or his followers say, there really ISN'T a need for a billboard, a newspaper ad, or a large gathering for exposure.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> I don’t like being involved in other people’s drama.
> 
> I would have been first shocked, then disgusted for being involuntary made a part of such a spectacle.
> 
> ...


They'll live. I think the shame the cheated on spouse gave the cheaters trumped the offended feelings of those watching. LOL, I think it's funny.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

My 8 year mistake said:


> I'm here again because I have no one else to talk to. This shouldn't concern me but all the things I left behind came back again.
> 
> On 31st Dec I attended a party I really shouldn't have. A close friend took me. It was organised by a guy who organises parties for a living. After 12 when everyone was finished wishing each other happy new year the guy took up the mike from the DJ and introduced another family with two kids. Then he called up his wife and asked what was her nature of relationship with the other family or specifically the husband. She said she didn't know him. He started showing all exchanged msgs on the projector. It was horrifying for me. The msgs were are almost same word for word to my almost ex and OM. I wanted to leave so desparately but my body didn't move.
> 
> I just don't want drama. I still get it.


Is this how it went down with you, a public outing? Were you the cheater or the cheat-E?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

hinterdir said:


> They'll live. I think the shame the cheated on spouse gave the cheaters *trumped the offended feelings of those watching*. LOL, I think it's funny.


I guess the difference is, for me, I don't JUST care about myself. I WOULD care about the feelings of those I invited.

One might say that both cheating AND unannouced public outings could display selfishness....just a different levels.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> I guess the difference is, for me, I don't JUST care about myself. I WOULD care about the feelings of those I invited.
> 
> One might say that both cheating AND unannouced public outings could display selfishness....just a different levels.


You know that I almost always agree with you POI, but not on this one. 

Or maybe so... The level of shame of cheaters SHOULD be about a 1000 times more. 

I am not saying that I agree with the outing, if the kids were there actually at the party, but if they were not... I have to say that I LIKE IT. 

I know that makes me a bad person in some respects, but I just like it, even though it is kind of shameful or classless...


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

BluesPower said:


> You know that I almost always agree with you POI, but not on this one.
> 
> Or maybe so... The level of shame of cheaters SHOULD be about a 1000 times more.
> 
> ...


Oh, make no mistake, I understand liking it. I would LIKE it if an attorney I know had all his dark web experience uncovered, if he were disbarred, and if the person he so religiously follows were sued for a few things. I'd LIKE it if a couple of people I know had ALL their secrets splayed across the interwebz.

BUT I know that liking it doesn't make it a good idea or classy.

I think the drive to make them PAY when they hurt us is natural. But I think we also have to decide, in those times, what kind of person we want to be, and if we want to travel in the same vein of motivation as the cheater - "Memememe".


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Let's own it.
> 
> No one rents out a billboard because they are afraid of history rewriting. They do it because they are mad as hell and want the cheater to pay. Which is completely understandable. There may be nothing "noble " about it, and I never stated it was. What it is is pragmatic. It kills a lot of birds with one stone.
> 
> ...


 I thought you were using "Billboard exposure" as a synonym for what the party host did, not a literal billboard (hence my "great term" comment) to me they are NOT equivalent. So I guess that was my misunderstanding. 
So you basically disagree that the host of the party nipped in the bud any lies his cheating wife would have told people about their divorce? If so then as you said we will have to agree to disagree. I stand by my position that the kid part is the only shady part I disagree with. 
As far as "a particular guru": I have no idea what you are on about there.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> So you basically disagree that the host of the party nipped in the bud any lies his cheating wife would have told people about their divorce?


I have read enough of your posts to know you are smarter than this. This is disingenuous. 

I said nothing of the sort. There are all sorts of ways to try to nip lies in the bud that do NOT have to involve a contrived public party.

But here's the thing....no matter how innocent a BS or how horrible a WS, we cannot control who says what. We cannot control what people believe. We cannot control who will support us and who would prefer not to be involved.

When someone cheats on my, what is my goal?

To continue to live. Too many BS spend virtually the rest of their lives having their well being revolve around the betrayal. It colors EVERYTHING.

That is....sad. It is why people applaud things like a man shooting a woman and her parents in front of children.

That was not who I wanted to become when I was betrayed. because I am better.

But hey, I guess the revenge satisfaction that comes from taking a bunch of unsuspecting friends on a wild ride is equivalent, right?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

When I finally divorced my ex-wife, the extended family got wind of things and I outed the reasons at my aunt's 80th birthday party.

I had not intended to but i saw no point in hiding the details anymore.

It was family gossip heroin. Everyone wanted a taste! Kept coming back for more salacious details.

I provided all but the more frank details. My aunt, the cousins, second cousins, hanger on friends, you name it. some were genuinely sympathetic and/or shocked. Others, just wanted a fix.

It's been five years since. I do not think it harmed anyone to learn of it--except the ex. A kind of self-inflicted justice so I do not worry about it at all.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

hinterdir said:


> They'll live. I think the shame the cheated on spouse gave the cheaters trumped the offended feelings of those watching. LOL, I think it's funny.


Sure they will live - but I find it petty and classless. 

Humans.... well, perhaps before the invent of social media, generally feel shame and embarrassment when others do. It’s part of our social structure, evidenced by some cultures more than others (Japanese culture for example does not find pleasure in other’s shame). And well, not observant in Jerry Springer aficionados - but that is not a group I would want to place myself in. 

From what I understand, not only where the two cheaters shamed, but the innocent children and spouse were humiliated as well. 

I don’t have high views of a BS who would think it appropriate to hulmiltae the whole family. Two wrongs do not make a right and all of that.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

The only people to of been embarrassed at that party was the WW and the OM.
Never fear or be embarrassed to speak the truth.
Or to hear about the truth. For no one at that exposure did nothing
to be embarrassed about except the WW and the OM.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

hinterdir said:


> They'll live. I think the shame the cheated on spouse gave the cheaters trumped the offended feelings of those watching. LOL, I think it's funny.


And you'll live if your spouse cheats on you, but for some reason we don't condone infidelity.

In bygone days people understood that if you didn't know the parties involved you had no idea if you were being sold a bill of goods and so didn't take it at face value. There was even a saying "Don't air your dirty linens in public". I don't know why that one went away.

I guess some people like looking at the wreckage of other people's lives. Maybe it's what they need to feel good about their own. It just makes me sad.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

oldtruck said:


> The only people to of been embarrassed at that party was the WW and the OM.
> Never fear or be embarrassed to speak the truth.
> Or to hear about the truth. For no one at that exposure did nothing
> to be embarrassed about except the WW and the OM.


I disagree. Accosting innocent bystanders with details of your ****ed up life is rude and then some.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> It is why people applaud things like a man shooting a woman and her parents in front of children.
> 
> 
> 
> But hey, I guess the revenge satisfaction that comes from taking a bunch of unsuspecting friends on a wild ride* is equivalent*, right?


 I've re-read the original post a dozen times and I can't find anything about a shooting.
Is that another over the top false equivalency? 
If your argument can't stand on its own without introducing red herrings and hyperbole into it, how good could it actually be?


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## Mizzbak (Sep 10, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I've re-read the original post a dozen times and I can't find anything about a shooting.
> Is that another over the top false equivalency?
> If your argument can't stand on its own without introducing red herrings and hyperbole into it, how good could it actually be?


I believe that a recent, somewhat related TAM thread was being referenced here - first posted 4? days ago on CWI titled Actions have consequences. 

I don't think any of those posters agreed that the response of the alleged BS in that situation was appropriate ... but there did seem to be some here who felt it completely understandable that a betrayed man becomes a powder keg of righteous rage. (And that any resultant damage to innocent bystanders because of this was clearly and completely the fault of the unfaithful wife.) But perhaps I oversimplify? 

<Helpful comment from the peanut gallery>


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I've re-read the original post a dozen times and I can't find anything about a shooting.
> Is that another over the top false equivalency?
> If your argument can't stand on its own without introducing red herrings and hyperbole into it, how good could it actually be?


The person who first cheered about this OP started a thread about a man shooting his WW and her parents....and he was happy about it.

And, sadly, he wasn't the only one.

I get it. Your sole focus is making sure a cheater pays. I just have a broader view, one that includes people besides.....me and the bad person I want to punish.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> The person who first cheered about this OP started a thread about a man shooting his WW and her parents....and he was happy about it. OK maybe that should have been explained a little better, but basically you're saying anyone who disagrees with you on THIS thread does the same. Got it, good to know.
> 
> And, sadly, he wasn't the only one.
> 
> *I get it.* Your sole focus is making sure a cheater pays. I just have a broader view, one that includes people besides.....me and the bad person I want to punish.


 No you don't, and likely never will, but that's OK.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> No you don't, and likely never will, but that's OK.


Actually, now that I am slowing down my brain, I kind of do, but in a different way.

I was cyber-stalked and harassed and targeted by a couple of keyboard vigilantes from a particular.....sect of the internet. It probably affected me even MORE than being betrayed, though I know that probably makes no sense.

Whenever someone flips the inner trigger I have from that, I come out with teeth bared. And honestly, there is a part of me that would love to see something terrible happen to the people who did that to me, and another part of me that would love to be the one who sets it in motion. I write fiction, and I admit that one particular unfinished manuscript I have is a murder mystery thriller about a serial killer who quietly kills everyone who cyber stalked him.

BUT....that is fiction and fantasy. In real life, I would not act on any of that. And I wouldn't applaud a news story where someone's family was murdered (or attempted) because one member cyber-bullied.

And even though it's easy to find out pretty much anything about anyone, I would NEVER ever dox someone. Ever. Because as satisfying as it might be in the moment....it's just wrong, and the effects would go beyond just the person who "deserved" it.

However, I can understand the desire to see every perp get theirs based on my own painful experience.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Mizzbak said:


> I believe that a recent, somewhat related TAM thread was being referenced here - first posted 4? days ago on CWI titled Actions have consequences.
> 
> I don't think any of those posters agreed that the response of the alleged BS in that situation was appropriate ... but there did seem to be some here who felt it completely understandable that a betrayed man becomes a powder keg of righteous rage. (And that any resultant damage to innocent bystanders because of this was clearly and completely *the fault of the unfaithful wife*.) But perhaps I oversimplify?
> 
> <Helpful comment from the peanut gallery>


 P.O.I. just filled me in on the source. I read that thread when it happened and don't recall anyone cheering on killing people but I may have missed it.
Even if the BS's actions are wrong, illegal or immoral it can't really be argued that it is NOT the fault of the unfaithful wife (in this case). If she hadn't been unfaithful the situation would have never arisen and said powder keg would have never been set off. That doesn't justify improper action or response from the BS though. It just seems we all can't agree on where the line is for improper. I have pretty good faith that shooting people is over that line for everyone.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Actually, now that I am slowing down my brain, I kind of do, but in a different way.
> 
> I was cyber-stalked and harassed and targeted by a couple of keyboard vigilantes from a particular.....sect of the internet. It probably affected me even MORE than being betrayed, though I know that probably makes no sense.
> 
> ...


 Not quite but close. What my point up thread was would be roughly(w/o the moral implications) equivalent to your stalkers turning their stalking of you around and making it your fault. If you took action to publicly expose the stalkers w/ evidence you would be relatively assured that your friends and acquaintances you exposed to would not be tricked into believing it was your fault.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

JustTheWife said:


> I'm sorry you were betrayed.
> 
> I am a Christian and i forgive rather than seek revenge so I don't understand "hit as hard as you were hit". Anyway, my point was not even about hitting or not hitting, it was about ruining everyone's NYE by making their NYE all about what happened to him.
> 
> Some people here have treated me badly and I forgive them because we all have our problems. I haven't walked a mile in their shoes. I understand why people would want to lash out at me, resent me or even hate me.




@JustTheWife, no need to be sorry I was betrayed, I appreciate the thought though. I am a Christian man myself, at least I try to be but I am still a sinner. Being a Christian man doesn’t mean I will always allow someone to wrong me and not respond. Many times a response is needed, as there are many wolves in the world. Just because you or I are Christians doesn’t mean we can’t respond fairly or even harshly depending on the offense. Yes, forgiveness is needed as well as kindness, but until the offensive action is stopped or defeated can forgiveness enter. Example, you don’t forgive someone who is punching you in the face until your response ends the hitting. At that point you can forgive or not, but the hitting must end first. 

In this case, the wife who was betraying was asked to come clean, she chose not to, which proved to have a very powerful response. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but do you think this ended the affair in its tracks if still active? You bet it would. The other party guests were collateral damage, to which this persons treatment of friends would be debatable. We don’t if and how much deception the wife was using, if and how long the affair was, and if the affair were over. From my experience, it started with a lie, that lie then snowballed into a mountain of lies, which is what usually happens when a lie is told. My wife protected that lie more then myself, our marriage, and herself. She became a person she didn’t even know, she became a person who in her words, was not even human. She has worked hard to become healthy, she has shown remorse and is trying to repent, its a struggle every day for her to repent. Mostly because she feels repentance isn’t available for her sins, but she continues to try without fail. 

Perhaps now you see what I mean to hit as hard as you were hit.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

This is nothing like a man shooting his wife and parents infront of the kids . and anyone that says it is is wrong . all this guy dobe is outed the affair to everyone he knew . he just brought shame on the cheating spouses . and he might have save others from being cheated on . we all know that cheaters will try and and talk there friends into cheating on there spouses . just maybe if she was trying to talk her friends into cheating on there spouse after that party they might think twice about it . or it might have woke others up that think there spouse could never do such a thing that they really could .


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

niceguy47460 said:


> This is nothing like a man shooting his wife and parents infront of the kids . and anyone that says it is is wrong . all this guy dobe is outed the affair to everyone he knew . he just brought shame on the cheating spouses . and he might have save others from being cheated on . we all know that cheaters will try and and talk there friends into cheating on there spouses . just maybe if she was trying to talk her friends into cheating on there spouse after that party they might think twice about it . or it might have woke others up that think there spouse could never do such a thing that they really could .


I agree. Hyperbole may be a fun argumentation technique, but it overreached in this case.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

michzz said:


> I agree. Hyperbole may be a fun argumentation technique, but it overreached in this case.


It did overreach.

And there are blanks in the story that I never filled in. And those blanks came from the same place where my stalkers came from.

I've just seen what CAN happen when pain takes ONE wrong turn. And sometimes I connect dots that aren't there.

Planning an elaborate party just to publicly out a cheater is not the same as suggesting to a BS that they plant drugs in their WS's luggage, which isn't the same as beating up the WS on the side of the road, which isn;t the same as riding around with a gun in your car stalking the OM's 10 year old sun, which isn't the same as running over the WS with your car, which isn't the same as setting the cheater on fire, which isn't the same as shooting the WS and her parents.

They ARE all on the exact same continuum, but they are NOT the same.

Just like the continuum that contains both the frustrated guy who hates woman and the guy in CA who shot several of them, along with a few "Chads."

Some people only get a little destructive and unhealthy, and some people go big.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

Yeah, well at the end of the day, I am looking at myself in the mirror and will only answer for my actions....not any person else. So, I'll skip the drama, vengeance/wrath and carry my hurt ego to a place I can live with.

There's a lot of hurt in the world, I'm over myself to an extent that if I can't help, at least I won't wallow and most certainly will not contribute with trifling crap.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This is starting to get wildly off topic.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> This is starting to get wildly off topic.


and a little crazy sounding:crazy: .


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> MattMatt said:
> 
> 
> > This is starting to get wildly off topic.
> ...


I agree pain can make people crazy. And self-absorbed.

I know I've had times when all I cared about was my own intense pain.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

. I wanted to leave so desparately but my body didn't move.

I just don't want drama. I still get it.[/QUOTE]

Funny thing about your body and the drama....its all yours...it's your body ,it's your drama......you do have the choice of indifference.....


You folks want to know how many time I regret hurting someone who did me wrong? The trick is don't let it get to you, it's them not you, it's their drama.

The why one reacts can either keep it on their side of the fence or bring it into your front door.


One can be either emotionally in danger or physically in danger. If one is emotionally in danger ones reaction could physically put them in jail for the night, in the hospital. in the morgue. Is it worth it?


Or...if one is physically in danger, then it may be worth going to jail, hospital, or morgue...knowing you had to make a choice to protect you and the ones you love?


It wasn't your drama, it wasn't your circus, it wasn't monkey! And that's a good thing.


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