# Am i over reacting?



## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

Re: How can i rid myself of insecurities...updated 

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This is an update to my original post. I'll share what's new and im sorry if ive repeated any information, im just so confused and hurt and dont know what to do.
My husband works overseas, he's gone for 63 days and then home for 33. When he comes home he has a long layover (5-7 hours) in one of the richest, sleezy countries..Dubai. I have been thinking for the past year something has been going on, it could be just coincidences but i have no way to prove him right or wrong at this point. So i'll give you my "clues" and you tell me if i'm over-reacting or not.
On his way back home from overseas he wanted to bring some travel money with him, no problem, we all want some cash for just in case, but he pulled $350, who needs that much when all his meals are included in flight and he has everything he needs!! 
When he was in Dubai i had called him and he seemed very distracted as if he was looking/trying to talk to someone else. 

When he came home last i was looking at family pictures on his computer and noticed a couple of pics of girls, they weren't ones that were of good quality and appeared to be taken from cell phones. He said he has no idea who they are or how they got there. I know we can all get downloads from clicking stuff but c'mon!! His affection is very little to me when he's home, he's not mean but would rather watch tv then have me kiss and make out per say. So now that im a little concerned about what he's doing i start digging. I went on website after website to see if there are any local hookup/meeting places. I came across craigslist in Dubai and start going through the personals. There was this picture that came across that immediately stopped me dead in my tracks, it was a picture of a naked woman and man posing on a bed, they were facing each other but there faces were not shown. The reason it caught my eye is because it looks like my husbands body to the T. I mean like id be willing to bet my life on it. I'm not talking about similarities, im talking about every inch of detail was my husbands. i sent him the picture and he denied it saying that was not him, that he's never cheated and he's in love with me. Then in the next paragraph he says he's saddened by me thinking he would do something like that and that he's not apologizing for something he didn't do.

Today i noticed he's been emptying the trash in his emails, i have the pw for his email account because we do alot of bills n such that i need to keep track of, yes he knows this! He's never deleted his trash, why would he start now? When i asked him about it he said he didn't even know they were deleted? wth, im not stupid lol
He's never really given me any indication that he would cheat, but i can't get this damn picture out of my head, im sickened at the thought and i don't know what to do...please help!!!!!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Hi,
I would stop asking him anything, do you think you need more evidence? Then start looking plead the evidence gathering tread. Also, what do you want to do? Reconcile ? Divorce? It seems like he is cheating, so what do you want to do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Hi,
> I would stop asking him anything, do you think you need more evidence? Then start looking plead the evidence gathering tread. Also, what do you want to do? Reconcile ? Divorce? It seems like he is cheating, so what do you want to do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

I'll try to not ask anymore, its so hard to not ask/show emotion as I wear my heart on my sleeve. I LOVE this man more than life itself, I will fight for him if I have to. I will be putting some kind of keylogger on his laptop or kindle when he gets home, I do need more evidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

In that case to the 180, I don't have the links but you can search this board. Also, look into divorce, for two reasons:
You must be willing to lose your marriage to save it, and you will probably find out things you could not imagine your husband doing and may not want to stay married to him. 

And always trust your gut!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Dubai. Largest city in Arab Emirates.

I don't know for certain, but you can rest assured that a married man indulging in an extramarital affair in such a place will be noticed in a few seconds, and that won't bode well with his superiors, presumably Arabs. People will talk, and he'll get some "verbal beating", if not outright "verbal banishment" from the business. Arabs may love money, but they're still muslims by tradition. They won't play along with some "pervert" in their midst.

And the photo, as you describe it, suggests some third person in the scene, shooting the photo. Highly unlikely -

These are all assumptions of course.

Relax, while keeping your eyes open. You never now from which direction the sledgehammer will fall.


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

verpin zal said:


> Dubai. Largest city in Arab Emirates.
> 
> I don't know for certain, but you can rest assured that a married man indulging in an extramarital affair in such a place will be noticed in a few seconds, and that won't bode well with his superiors, presumably Arabs. People will talk, and he'll get some "verbal beating", if not outright "verbal banishment" from the business. Arabs may love money, but they're still muslims by tradition. They won't play along with some "pervert" in their midst.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

He's definitely cheating. No doubt in my mind. I've been through that kind of stuff too much to be able to give you any hope. The pictures, the deleting email trash in panic of you finding something, the distraction you feel from him, the money he's pulling out of the bank......Ding ding ding. He's playing around.


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

I gotta stop posting from my phone, it messes up the thread or im just no good at posting lol. I dunno, but im gonna keep quiet and keylogg his comp, that way i will have NO DOUBT in my mind!! Next week he comes back and I'm dreading it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Pull your self together and get your strenght!

You diserve good things and never ever let some one decieve you.

You have every right to know what kind of relationship you have and it nis your right to stop anu decieption that comes your way.


go colvert and special op on this guy and find pout what you need to do ...validate your next step , confirm your next move,...it time to be one step ahead of this betrayal....not ten step behind!


Once you get caught up, then you can make a choice...a choice that will be based on truth and reality of what this relationship is, not what you want it to be be.

Its the deniel that you struggle with, you owe it to your self to find out the truth!!!!


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

It's always good to have hard evidence that's for sure.

What will you do once you get your hard evidence?


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

Ty, the guy


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

somethingelse said:


> It's always good to have hard evidence that's for sure.
> 
> What will you do once you get your hard evidence?


Well for starters hopefully i can put a logger on correctly without him knowing as he will be around all the time, not sure with kindle's tho, ill have to check and see how different they are from laptop, he better bring home both!! 

I don't know what I'll do, most of me says D, the other part says I should put on that little red dress, heels and makeup, then look at him at 10:30 at night and tell him i'm going to get groceries!!

I would probably go more for the D, because I've had trust issues and he knows it, i've bent over backwards with this man when he needed me the most, and now, if my gut is telling me the truth, honestly i don't want to ever be married again, it's been taken for granted to much and I've seen it on here time and time again, such pain and hurt that people have to go through.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Lonely&frustrated said:


> I came across craigslist in Dubai and start going through the personals. There was this picture that came across that immediately stopped me dead in my tracks, it was a picture of a naked woman and man posing on a bed, they were facing each other but there faces were not shown. The reason it caught my eye is because it looks like my husbands body to the T.



This is a little confusing. If you husband was putting out craigslist ads looking for other people, why is there a woman in the photo? Was the ad for a couple looking for other couples to swing with? It would be extremely unlikely that he could pull that off while just doing layovers in Dubai. 

BTW, 5-7 hour layover isn't as much time as you think for having affairs. You have to disembark, and find a taxi to leave the airport. You have to check back in at least an hour before your next flight. Somewhere in between there you have to eat a meal. There's also jet lag.

What overseas location does he work in? If he's having an affair, it's much more likely to be there than in Dubai.


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

Theseus said:


> This is a little confusing. If you husband was putting out craigslist ads looking for other people, why is there a woman in the photo? Was the ad for a couple looking for other couples to swing with? It would be extremely unlikely that he could pull that off while just doing layovers in Dubai.
> 
> BTW, 5-7 hour layover isn't as much time as you think for having affairs. You have to disembark, and find a taxi to leave the airport. You have to check back in at least an hour before your next flight. Somewhere in between there you have to eat a meal. There's also jet lag.
> 
> What overseas location does he work in? If he's having an affair, it's much more likely to be there than in Dubai.




It wouldn't be impossible if he was emailing/chatting with another female prior to going to Dubai, he doesn't have to leave the airport, he has a "lounge pass". There are females/men all over the place their, and twice he's had to stay over night due to weather/etc.. My H didn't put out the ad, it was listed under casual encounters, it was an escort service, and they use all kinds of pics to advertise, it may not be him but if you know your SO's own body well enough it would catch your eye as well. I'm hoping this is all a coincidence but i dont know yet.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lonely&frustrated said:


> Re: How can i rid myself of insecurities...updated
> 
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> ...


I found some *lovely* photos of a really hot looking blonde babe on our computer. I recognised her. It was the woman who lived next door. The photos taken on their recent holiday abroad!

Turns out her laptop had accidentally locked onto our Wifi network (which subsequently secured better) and saved onto our computer.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

verpin zal said:


> Dubai. Largest city in Arab Emirates.
> 
> I don't know for certain, but you can rest assured that a married man indulging in an extramarital affair in such a place will be noticed in a few seconds, and that won't bode well with his superiors, presumably Arabs. People will talk, and he'll get some "verbal beating", if not outright "verbal banishment" from the business. Arabs may love money, but they're still muslims by tradition. They won't play along with some "pervert" in their midst.
> .


Umm. Have you ever been to Dubai?

I have, several times. 

I avoid places that have low moral character, as a rule, but Dubai is like las Vegas, without the culture. Yes, it's a muslim country, in principle - BUT they allow an awful lot to go, if you don't flaunt it in public.

Pornography is broadcast on open airwaves, prostitues (predominantly Eastern European) ply their trade openly within certain hotels and bars, and despite it being illegal, homosexuality is tolerated in like areas.

Do things in public, and they'll come down on you. In private? Do what you like.

Saudi Arabia it isn't.

I don't like the place. Grand hypocrasy.

(I don't like Saudi Arabia either, but at least they're less hypocrital about it.)

If someone wants to mess about in Dubai, it's very easy.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Lonely&frustrated said:


> It wouldn't be impossible if he was emailing/chatting with another female prior to going to Dubai, he doesn't have to leave the airport, he has a "lounge pass".


Do the lounges include private rooms where you can sleep with people?

Other things don't quit fit. Why would he let someone take a photo of him with a prostitute? Why would he use the same email account you do for planning his affairs? It's too easy to set up another free email account.

I think if you are already deciding on divorce, you are jumping the gun quite a bit here. If I was in your position I would certainly have my suspicions but that's all.


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

Theseus said:


> Do the lounges include private rooms where you can sleep with people?
> 
> Other things don't quit fit. Why would he let someone take a photo of him with a prostitute? Why would he use the same email account you do for planning his affairs? It's too easy to set up another free email account.
> 
> I think if you are already deciding on divorce, you are jumping the gun quite a bit here. If I was in your position I would certainly have my suspicions but that's all.


He may not even have known about the photo, or maybe thinking that i'd never look for it? I dunno, i'm hoping this is all me being crazy. He may have another email account, i just dont think he'd put the effort into making another but i coould be wrong, i just dont know why he's been deleting his main one. 

Dubai is a hookers/gay/lesbians/EA's paradise.


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