# Why do I feel like me cheating is the only payback?



## Lola416 (Apr 25, 2015)

So if u read my posts you know my husband is a cheater and a liar. Not exactly sure to what extent. We have gone thru therapy recently and have totally reconciled but I am so up and down with this. He has given me his passwords and has since begged me to forgive him. I was happy and wanted this so badly and sometimes i feel so happy other times I don’t. I cringe if he touches me. I almost feel like i want to go out and have a one night stand with someone and Just let it go after that. I feel like this would make me feel really good. Has anyone else ever thought this way or should I just end it completely? I really do think I love this guy but sometimes maybe it is not enough. I am confused and feel bad for our 2 kids who are very close to him. We have been together for over 20years


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Personaly a revenge affair is the only way I could even think about staying with a cheater.

With that said I think in the long run your husband will probably cheat again.

I vote take the high road and divorce.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Look if is causing you to want to hurt your own honor maybe staying in the marriage is a bad thing. There are good men out there who won't cheat, maybe you just realize this is a deal breaker. You are well within your rights, cheating is abuse. If it was physical abuse would you be staying?

Besides that what if you meet someone you could have a really good rest of your life with but you are stuck because you are with this man? If you are at the point where you are going to turn into being like him maybe you should find someone else who makes you want to be your best self.


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## Lola416 (Apr 25, 2015)

sokillme said:


> Look if is causing you to want to hurt your own honor maybe staying in the marriage is a bad thing. There are good men out there who won't cheat, maybe you just realize this is a deal breaker. You are well within your rights, cheating is abuse. If it was physical abuse would you be staying?
> 
> Besides that what if you meet someone you could have a really good rest of your life with but
> you are stuck because you are with this man? If you are at the point where you are going to turn into being like him maybe you should find someone else who makes you want to be your best self.



I am really starting to feel like divorce may be the best option. But I have to get myself together before this can happen. We have been together so long pretty much all our assets are together I do have aome separate credit but it would have to be paid down soon.


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## ILoveWomen (Jun 11, 2018)

Because you are so pissed off. You want to beat him with a bat. That is perfectly understandable. There are better ways to satiate that particular hunger.

You probably would feel worse just banging some poor slob to piss of a man that really hurt you. If you are doing it just to feel worthy again, well you did not cheat you are the innocent one here. There is no good reason you would feel that way.

It looks like this is not a new thing. It might look like all that work you did on the marriage has come for naught. Now you know that after all, he can't help himself. This is who your husband and father of your children is. He is all the good things you mentioned but he cannot be faithful. If you can't live with that then time to go.

You could stay, have your rendezvous. Your husband would have to know. Not much point otherwise. The kids might also find out. You could do it and not tell anyone; confirm your faith in your desirability? Balance the books? . If you have to get this out of your system then that would be a better choice I think. 

If you stay it will probably happen again. Your affair wont change that. If you must, you must but you will have to own the consequences.

I am a romantic man at heart but love does not conquer all in real life.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Lola416 said:


> I am really starting to feel like divorce may be the best option. But I have to get myself together before this can happen. We have been together so long pretty much all our assets are together I do have aome separate credit but it would have to be paid down soon.


So I read your posts, you always give a description of what happened but can I ask how are you feeling. Like really feeling about all this. All your post are very clinical but maybe if you post how this all made you feel we can address some of this. 

Look don't get me wrong I really don't believe in R too much. I have never read one R story where I don't think if that was me I wouldn't want one part of that, even the seemingly happy ones, so I really don't believe in it. However that is not the point, what are you really feeling.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

A friend of mine was cheated on by his wife 3 or 4 years ago. It nearly destroyed him. There were several times he showed up to work and I told him to go home because he was in no condition to teach.

Well, they reconciled, and everyone, including the wife believed that they had not only survived, but were actually better than they had ever been.

Then, he dropped the bomb on her.

He told her that he had met a woman on some dating site and been having an affair with her for the last few months. I don’t remember the number of months, but it was the same number of months as the wife’s affair. He handed his phone and gave her access to the secret email account he had created and she could read all of the emails between the two of them, which were extremely sexual and detailed about what they had done, what they were going to do, and how he was keeping all of this from his wife.

He told her that he was going away for the weekend and they would discuss everything Sunday afternoon.

When they talked, he said that while he believed that she had done a lot of work in trying to get their marriage back after her affair, he always felt resentment about what she had done, and that she did not truly understand the pain she had caused him. He believed this was the only way to truly save his marriage.

Because I’m his friend, and she knew I knew everything about her affair that her husband knew, she came over to my house Saturday afternoon and we talked. When she told me, but I told her I didn’t know anything about his affair, but I thought her husband was a genius. Now she knows EXACTLY how he felt. Now she would feel the pain, the shame, the self doubt, and the 10,000 other feelings.

When he returned he gave her all of the details. He said that he would not agree to NC for a minum if two weeks, the same length of time as she did several years before. He also told her that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to divorce her and be with other woman or not, just like she had done. He also said that he understood and was prepared if she wanted to get a divorce.

She ultimately said that she didn’t have a clue about what her husband went through when she had her affair, and agreed to stay married as long as neither of them ever cheated again.

This happened about a year ago, and all indications are that they are a very happy couple and a loving family.

After she was give


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Kamstel said:


> After she was give…...


lol, dammit, finish the story!


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

OnTheFly said:


> lol, dammit, finish the story!


The woman in the story he was talking about was behind him as he told this story with a rag soaked with chloroform lol


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Lola416 said:


> So if u read my posts you know my husband is a cheater and a liar. Not exactly sure to what extent. We have gone thru therapy recently and have totally reconciled but I am so up and down with this. He has given me his passwords and has since begged me to forgive him. I was happy and wanted this so badly and sometimes i feel so happy other times I don’t. I cringe if he touches me. I almost feel like i want to go out and have a one night stand with someone and Just let it go after that. I feel like this would make me feel really good. Has anyone else ever thought this way or should I just end it completely? I really do think I love this guy but sometimes maybe it is not enough. I am confused and feel bad for our 2 kids who are very close to him. We have been together for over 20years


Just a few guesses but you feel this way because you want him to feel the pain you did or maybe you think it will help you even the playing field, etc. Whatever the reason, it comes down to you wanting to rid of the pain, to numb it, to find a way to cope cause right now it seems like it's still pretty front and center. This is all normal and even the thought of doing what the thread is about is a normal thought.

Acting on it however .... I'm sure there are cases where it helped but I gotta believe those are few and far between. You know how betrayed spouses always think, how could he do that to us, how could he do that and not think of his family, his/her kids! I know I did with my cheating STBXW. Let's see if I can put it into perspective. Think of those kids, the ones that look up to you guys. Even when I was struggling just to breathe or function, I would look at my kids and ask myself with almost any action, how will my kids looks at me years down the road. I want them to be proud of me for how I handled this. While your husband did the unthinkable and what he did is unforgettable. While you cannot control what your husband does, you can control yourself, you can be the one that your kids can be proud of in public and behind closed doors with what they don't even know or understand. 

Since both of you at least at one point, decided on reconciliation, I hope you continue that path, as long as he continually holds up more than his share of the bargain. What is has done is unforgettable but you can forgive and most importantly FORGIVE YOURSELF, none of what he did was a reflection of you or what you did or didn't do in the marriage, it's a reflection of his own weaknesses. You don't have to stay with your husband, only you can decide what is best but what I'm trying to say ... is while you don't have to stay with him, you sure as Hell don't have to be like him, stay to the high road.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Lola416 said:


> I am really starting to feel like divorce may be the best option. But I have to get myself together before this can happen. We have been together so long pretty much all our assets are together I do have aome separate credit but it would have to be paid down soon.


Be careful. As I tell as many that will listen, the "playing field" out there is very rough and assuming you are mid-40's or older, you will find that dating at this age and finding a quality person can be extremely difficult. It never ceases to amaze me how people in this forum trivialize the ability to find another partner. Just dump your spouse and go pick one out of the many that are traveling the road, and live happily ever after. Sorry, over 40 it just doesn't work that way. In the over 40 crowd, the majority of "fish in the sea" are carrying the same kind of baggage and coming from the same kind of breakup that you are potentially involved with now. You are much better off dealing with a known entity than an unknown entity under those conditions. With 20 years of marriage under your belt it's worth putting the effort in until you are "SURE" you want a changed. I'm not saying don't divorce him, i'm just saying THINK about it very carefully. Finding Mr Perfect after divorcing your husband is not going to be a cakewalk.


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## hoblob (Mar 28, 2018)

I revenge cheated. Started looking for a longer-term affair and I broke it off once I met the person once. It’s sleazy, it’s fueled by anger, and it won’t make you hole.

You may never feel what they felt in their affair. It also sounds like your husband is a serial cheater, and possible a sex addict. 

Divorce is an option and prevents you from stooping so low...and trust me. It’s low.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Lola, forget about what I said about the feeling about reconciliation ... ugh, I just looked at your other posts and remember the situation now.

I still stand by not having a revenge affair ... 100%

Now that I am getting caught back up on your other threads (that I even responded to but forgot). I forgot this dude is a repeat offender and possibly a pathological liar


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Just woke up from my chloroform induced nap, Ha ha ha

After she was given the gift of her husband‘s revenge affair, and she did use the word “gift” to another friend’s wife, she said that she truly understood what she had done for the first time. She said that there is no way she could ever do something like that to him ever again.

Again, this is been relatively short amount of time since his revenge affair, but he said that he had to do it to save his marriage, because if he didn’t, the resentment would have build and build and build And she either would’ve had another affair or they would’ve ended in divorce, or both

He also told me that it was a major ego boost to have an attractive woman ( I saw pictures of her, she was very attractive ) who is 15 years younger being attracted to him and doing all of the things that she was doing to him. He also said that the sex was amazing, but I’m not supposed to tell that to anybody

So, I know we’re all supposed to total line that revenge affairs or bad, and we should never do it, but in this case, it appears to have worked.

I think it’s also important to note that this was not a hall pass. The wife had no clue that this was going on. She thought that her marriage has been fully reconciled, and that they were a happy couple. This Revenge affair completely blindsided her, just like her Rive revenge affair completely blindsided her, just like her Affair had blindsided him.

He went out of his way to make his affair as similar to her affair as possible.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Sorry, my audio to text really stinks today. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this after getting back from the dentist. I’m sure I’m mumbling 

Lol


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Lola,

Liars can be charming and know just what to say and how to deflect. Does it bother you that your H is viewed as a great person by others and he loves the attention.

Did you get a polygraph, did he write out a timeline for the affairs, did you inform the OWHs, these steps would be more constructive than a revenge affair. It really sounds like up to this point you alone have shouldered the emotional cost of the affair/affairs.

Tamat


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Divorce him before you cheat on him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lola416 said:


> So if u read my posts you know my husband is a cheater and a liar. Not exactly sure to what extent. We have gone thru therapy recently and have totally reconciled but I am so up and down with this. He has given me his passwords and has since begged me to forgive him. I was happy and wanted this so badly and sometimes i feel so happy other times I don’t. I cringe if he touches me. I almost feel like i want to go out and have a one night stand with someone and Just let it go after that. I feel like this would make me feel really good. Has anyone else ever thought this way or should I just end it completely? I really do think I love this guy but sometimes maybe it is not enough. I am confused and feel bad for our 2 kids who are very close to him. We have been together for over 20years


This is a very common thought for a betrayed spouse (BS) to have; so common that it's predictable. About 50% of all BS do end up having revenge affairs because of these sorts of thoughts.

What is it about? A BS often feels that their cheating spouse has robbed them of power and dignity in the relationship. Revenge is a very normal human emotion. The gut feeling is that revenge beings power to the person pulling off the revenge.

Unfortunately, revenge of any kind seldom 'fixes' anything. Instead it often harms the revenger far more than the person they want to take revenge on.

I know I struggled with this after I found out about my husband's affairs. I fought it... it's like the old saying "Hate is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."

Well rewrite it... "Revenge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."

It's not going to fix anything. Instead it will hurt you more than you are already hurt. The thoughts that come into our heads are not always ones that help us. It's the devil on your shoulder (to use an old image) tell you to do evil.

How long ago did you find out about your husband's affair? It usually takes a BS 2 to 5 years to recover.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

BigToe said:


> Be careful. As I tell as many that will listen, the "playing field" out there is very rough and assuming you are mid-40's or older, you will find that dating at this age and finding a quality person can be extremely difficult. It never ceases to amaze me how people in this forum trivialize the ability to find another partner. Just dump your spouse and go pick one out of the many that are traveling the road, and live happily ever after. Sorry, over 40 it just doesn't work that way. In the over 40 crowd, the majority of "fish in the sea" are carrying the same kind of baggage and coming from the same kind of breakup that you are potentially involved with now. You are much better off dealing with a known entity than an unknown entity under those conditions. With 20 years of marriage under your belt it's worth putting the effort in until you are "SURE" you want a changed. I'm not saying don't divorce him, i'm just saying THINK about it very carefully. Finding Mr Perfect after divorcing your husband is not going to be a cakewalk.


I am not saying, if her husband is for real, for her to divorce or not. 

But @BigToe, I do have to disagree with this post. 

Now, I am not saying that you don't have to sift though some crazy, which if you don't lose your head can sometime be fun, but there are a lot of great people out there. You just have to take your time with them. 

As a guy, for a long time I had a great time dating and then I found a hot, not crazy woman. Wow, is really all I can say about that. 

So it is out there, you just have to keep your wits about you...


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

Lola416 said:


> So if u read my posts you know my husband is a cheater and a liar. Not exactly sure to what extent. We have gone thru therapy recently and have totally reconciled but I am so up and down with this. He has given me his passwords and has since begged me to forgive him. I was happy and wanted this so badly and sometimes i feel so happy other times I don’t. I cringe if he touches me. I almost feel like i want to go out and have a one night stand with someone and Just let it go after that. I feel like this would make me feel really good. Has anyone else ever thought this way or should I just end it completely? I really do think I love this guy but sometimes maybe it is not enough. I am confused and feel bad for our 2 kids who are very close to him. We have been together for over 20years


Because it's the only hurt that can deliver an equal amount of pain that was inflicted upon you? There's no pain like betrayed pain.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Lola416 said:


> So if u read my posts you know my husband is a cheater and a liar. Not exactly sure to what extent. We have gone thru therapy recently and have totally reconciled but I am so up and down with this. He has given me his passwords and has since begged me to forgive him. I was happy and wanted this so badly and sometimes i feel so happy other times I don’t. I cringe if he touches me. I almost feel like i want to go out and have a one night stand with someone and Just let it go after that. I feel like this would make me feel really good. Has anyone else ever thought this way or should I just end it completely? I really do think I love this guy but sometimes maybe it is not enough. I am confused and feel bad for our 2 kids who are very close to him. We have been together for over 20years


Don't lower yourself to act as badly as he did. I doubt it would make you feel good at all, just far worse.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Re: Why do I feel like me cheating is the only payback? 


Here are my simple thoughts. 

You want him to hurt as badly as you. It won't bother him like it does you....obviously. Also, cheating doesn't have the stigma it once did, so for him, no big deal. 

Sorry you are hurting. I hope you don't traumatize yourself more with trying to cheat.


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## Lola416 (Apr 25, 2015)

So a little update I told my husband I was thinking of leaving he was a little upset said he didn’t want that to Happen he apologized again and said he will do anything for us to still be together. Of course I was upset rehashing everything he has done. He apologized over and over it feels so sincere to me but then I just think it could be another lie. He has given me passwords to everything and has not gone out at all on the weekends and pretty much from what I know it’s work and home. Does anyone think it could be possible he really just needed attention and got it from these girls but regrets it? Or am I just that stupid. I’m so confused. The therapist seems to think an issue we had was communication and that when we both needed each Other we weren’t there for each other. Blaming both of us. And I admit I know there were plenty of times i ignored him for days only talked to him when I had too even though it wasn’t intentional He told therapist he thought I didn’t care for years and that we barely had sex. In my eyes we did I didn’t realize sex a few times a month was hardly ever in his eyes. I really feel for anyone in this situation


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## Txquail (Feb 21, 2018)

Get another therapist.

None of this is your fault. Its all on you cheating spouse.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Cheating is a choice. It's not your fault. Lack of communication is an issue, but it simply seems he never expressed his thoughts and you felt everything was okay. That's not unusual. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty for what he did. You are not. He had choices. He chose to cheat. It's really that simple. It shows he didn't want to fix it, but just live with it and have casual sex on the side. You weren't supposed to find out. 

I'm sure he feels sorry you did. Beyond that, I don't know. He may or may not be truly sorry. 

There used to be some folks here who could really help you try to get back together. I don't know where they have gone. 

I just know you are not at fault.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Lola416 said:


> I didn’t realize sex a few times a month was hardly ever in his eyes.


If you do wish to carry on with him and reconcile, will you have sex with him frequently or carry on doing it as infrequently as you were?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Lola416 said:


> So a little update I told my husband I was thinking of leaving he was a little upset said he didn’t want that to Happen he apologized again and said he will do anything for us to still be together. Of course I was upset rehashing everything he has done. He apologized over and over it feels so sincere to me but then I just think it could be another lie. He has given me passwords to everything and has not gone out at all on the weekends and pretty much from what I know it’s work and home. Does anyone think it could be possible he really just needed attention and got it from these girls but regrets it? Or am I just that stupid. I’m so confused. The therapist seems to think an issue we had was communication and that when we both needed each Other we weren’t there for each other. Blaming both of us. And I admit I know there were plenty of times i ignored him for days only talked to him when I had too even though it wasn’t intentional He told therapist he thought I didn’t care for years and that we barely had sex. *In my eyes we did I didn’t realize sex a few times a month was hardly ever in his eyes*. I really feel for anyone in this situation


Listen, I really can't say whether he is sincere or not, he has cheated a lot and you are within your rights t divorce him outright. 

And the counselor SOUNDS a little out of line, in some ways, not horrible. 


But, whether you say with him or not, I want to talk about the sex thing. 

Now, maybe you are a low drive girl, oooookkk. Some people are like that. But please understand that if you are not attracted to him, before all the cheating, or what ever the issue is.... think about this. 

Thinking that sex a few times a month is enough for anyone, is kind of out of line. If you are a low drive person, then marry a Low drive person. 

You know, a few times a month is what 2, 3 , even 4 times a month is once a week, that is just silly and kind of clueless thinking. 

You know what a few times a month is, 30 times a month, that is a few for me. Some people might be at 20 or 15 or 25. I have been, and am with one now that we usually go for 60 times a month, twice a day. 

What is a few to you. I don't think that you understand how many woman don't get any sex from their husbands, in the past I have known a lot of them. 

So that thought about a few times a month is really a red flag for a marriage, of any kind.

I do understand that because of his cheating you don't want him at all, which may mean that you need to divorce no matter what. 

But for me, the girl that wanted it 4 times a month could call me at my other GF's house because I would not be spending much time with her at all. 

Does that make sense or does it sound crazy???


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Hi OP, sorry you are in this horrible position. I have been there, so here's my two cents. 

First of all, DO NOT accept blame because of a diminished sex life. Your H could have told you that it wasn't enough and that if didn't change, he would be seeking sex elsewhere or a divorce. That would have been respectful and honest. Instead, he used it as an excuse to cheat - repeatedly. My H did exactly the same and used the same excuse and I bought into it initially. I knew he wasn't thrilled with our sex life, but we had little kids and he had a very erratic work schedule that made it difficult for us to spend alone time together. Yes, there were communication problems as well and he was drinking heavily. But the choice he made was all on him. 

It took me 5 years to realize that it wasn't my fault and it took him another 2 years before he started to really accept responsibility. By then it was too late. I had an EA and later on a PA which destroyed me. I fell in love with my AP but said goodbye as I am still married and he is almost divorced, lives in another state, and is now happily dating a single woman. So now I'm left with regrets that I didn't just scream to everyone from the rooftops about my H affairs when I first found out and kicked him out. Instead, I swept everything under the rug and buried it until I couldn't take the empty feeling it left me with and rationalized that it was okay for me to have my own affair. By that time, my H and I hadn't been intimate in a long time for many of the same reasons you state - mind movies of him with other women and not truly addressing what happened.

I thought I could handle the affair, but I couldn't. You can't control your emotions once you go down that path. You also have to then accept that you are basically now no better then your cheating spouse. When I tell my children that we are separating I now have to tell them about my part which makes me ashamed and also angry at my H for setting us both on this path. But I had a choice myself. I was right where you are. I so wish I could go back in time and change how I reacted. Just leave him with your dignity intake.


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

To clarify Lola, my H was a serial cheater as well and lied about it for years. First it was one woman..then it was 3..then 5. He finally admitted that he doesn't remember how many there were. That's probably the closest to the truth that I'll ever get. But I know it's not all of it. He's done with it, hasn't cheated for 10 years. But I still can't get past it. And part of the reason I can't is because I will never know the real truth of what happened. It also colors what should be happy memories of those years with my children when they were young. I feel like he stole those years from me and can't seem to fully get past the resentment. Perhaps when we finally separate, I can. I am willing to do MC with him again then and would be open to dating him. In other words, a reset of our relationship with me in the drivers seat. 

My advice is to look carefully at what you are willing to accept. Only you know if you can truly get past his cheating or if it's something that will nag at your for the rest of your life with him unless you leave.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

What you are feeling is an imbalance in the relationship. And nothing will re-balance that aside from forgiveness or revenge. Forgiveness is good for the soul, but not everyone is the turn the other cheek type of person. 

Everything is back on the table after infidelity including revenge affairs. But it would have to be tit for tat like Kamstel's story. Otherwise, it wouldn't be the same effect. Being that deceitful and cowardly seems like a lot of work though, I suppose its easier to divorce and be done with them. I do think an ONS has more of an effect for women since men tend to be more caught up in the physical side of the affair than the emotional, so it may inflict pain on him and have that re-balancing effect to some extent.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

"In my eyes we did I didn’t realize sex a few times a month was hardly ever in his eyes."

I think atleast 3x a week is healthy. Sounds like you were more into the 3x a month schedule. I'm not saying that gives him a free pass to start having affairs but most men want it A LOT more than a few times a month. So, unless he is low-T, he will either find his release in porn or sex outside the marriage. A sexless marriage is not a happy marriage.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

The amount of sex you are having is right for you in this relationship. In another, you may feel differently. Revenge would be sleeping with his 19 year old son, his(your husband's) best friend, and his(your husband's) brother. That's the only way to get it through sex, in my opinion. It will hurt him deeply and change his life forever. Do you want to be responsible for that? 

On the other hand, you might find someone who either likes having the amount of sex you do now, or you may find your libido with another man. Who knows? 

You could also be miserable without him, and end up with someone you regret having met. You could leave him and find you don't have enough money or something. No one knows what will happen.


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## PaulB (Jun 26, 2018)

Lola416 said:


> I almost feel like i want to go out and have a one night stand with someone and Just let it go after that. I feel like this would make me feel really good. Has anyone else ever thought this way or should I just end it completely? I really do think I love this guy but sometimes maybe it is not enough. I am confused and feel bad for our 2 kids who are very close to him. We have been together for over 20years


I suspect revenge sex will not be as satisfying as you imagine it might. Plus, it makes you also guilty of adultery. If caught, you lose lose some legal high ground. 

Also, love is not what holds relationships together. Respect is.


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## PaulB (Jun 26, 2018)

Lola416 said:


> I almost feel like i want to go out and have a one night stand with someone and Just let it go after that. I feel like this would make me feel really good. Has anyone else ever thought this way or should I just end it completely? I really do think I love this guy but sometimes maybe it is not enough. I am confused and feel bad for our 2 kids who are very close to him. We have been together for over 20years


I suspect revenge sex will not be as satisfying as you imagine it might. Plus, it makes you also guilty of adultery. If caught, you lose some legal high ground. 

Also, love is not what holds relationships together. Respect is.


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