# How do i forgive him and move on. :'-(



## Trying2Deal (Sep 25, 2010)

My husband of 7 years has never cheated on me until last year. We were having abit of money issues so we both were stressed out. He started talking mean to me out of no where and it wouldn't stop. He started saying how he needs space ,how he thinks we were too young and maybe we both made a big mistake. He would go to work early,come home late ,sneak out at night ...well 3months later it seem like a nightmare that I would never wake up from. I found out he was cheating on me. two weeks later I was told I'm in love with her. Two weeks after that he left to be with his lover. He only stayed gone for 1 week. He came back and apologized and said that he made an awful mistake. I took him back and found out that it was a co'worker every since then I've been trying to forgive but its real hard I'm glad he's back and I can say that I haven't notice any thing wrong. He doesn't leave out anymore and let's me drive him to and from work. He doesn't go out like he use to and he stop drinking. I guess its kind of hard to believe he stopped and its been almost a year but I can't seem to let it go ...please help


----------



## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

Hi,T2D. It's been a year and a half since I discovered my H's infidelity. He's been great and I've bettered myself,too. There are still bad days when it's hard to stop thinking about everything that happened. Thankfully,for me, those days keep growing farther and farther apart.

I try to focus on how much better our relationship is today. Sometimes, when my mind gets going, I have to remind myself that dwelling in the past isn't healthy. Another thing that's helpful to me is to remember how I treated my H during that awful time. I don't know your full story, but I was an unknowing participant in the breakdown of my marriage, not a victim. I think of that when I feel a self-pity party coming on. 

Do you feel happy with the way your marriage is now? If so, focus on that. I know it's not always easy, but I don't know what else to do. 

Remember, you're not alone- lots of people have dealt with the same things we're dealing with now. It's always a comfort to me when I read a post from someone who went through it 10,15,20 yrs ago and it never happened again and they're still happily married. Gives me hope for the future, ya know?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It's been seven months fo me. I'm cutting back on asking her questions about the affair, and when those bad thought get in my head I have to tell my self "stop you have a healther wife who loves me and is affectionate and caring to me". This happens about 6-10 times a day and it helps. Basicly replace the bad thoughts of the affair with good one about your husband, and do this as quick as they come up.


----------



## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

the guy said:


> It's been seven months fo me. I'm cutting back on asking her questions about the affair, and when those bad thought get in my head I have to tell my self "stop you have a healther wife who loves me and is affectionate and caring to me". This happens about 6-10 times a day and it helps. Basicly replace the bad thoughts of the affair with good one about your husband, and do this as quick as they come up.


I'm trying to do that exact same thing and it's hard as hell


----------



## TimT (Mar 25, 2011)

Sometimes it takes the feelings of forgiveness to catch up with your choice to forgive. One of my clients, who found out about her husband's affairs almost a year ago, wrote this just this morning. (And I use it with her permission.)

"I have been thinking so much lately about forgiveness. There are days that I have to consciously make the choice to walk in forgiveness. At times it can be so easy to want to "fall back to what he did in the past" when [my husband] irritates me or we have a disagreement over something totally unrelated to the affair behavior. But I think more and more that I am actually beginning to 'feel' it. I don't have to work as hard to make the conscious choice every day. And I am starting to see that in those moments when I want to act out in a very un-forgiving manner towards him, it really is the rush of emotion [pushing that response]. When I can step back, calm down, and really take time to process, I know I no longer WANT to punish him, or torture him, or hold anything over his head, or make him pay somehow for the hurt or anger I feel."


----------



## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

the guy said:


> It's been seven months fo me. I'm cutting back on asking her questions about the affair, and when those bad thought get in my head I have to tell my self "stop you have a healther wife who loves me and is affectionate and caring to me". This happens about 6-10 times a day and it helps. Basicly replace the bad thoughts of the affair with good one about your husband, and do this as quick as they come up.


Yep, Coming up to 3 months from D-day for me, and I am trying that as well. It's a hard thing to do. Twotimeloser is really knowledgeable about this kind of thing. look up his posts.


----------

