# Is this happening to anyone else



## brively (Feb 21, 2012)

I will keep it kind of short until i find out if anybody is going through this to.A month ago my wife told me she wanted a divorce she still hasnt filed for it.Even though she id the one who wants the divorce.She said that she left the relashinship emotionally a year ago.Yet now she still contacts me and wants to be freinds she says.She is currently seeing someone else now and we are still not divorced the guy is from another state from were we live and just this weekend she invited him down here to spend time with her.But the same time she is telling me that she loves me and she needs time to heal.And like i said there is way more to this story but i will fill in more if someone can tell me if this is a normal thing.We are still married is this right.I LOVE HER VERY MUCH BUT I DONT THINK I CAN EVER BOUNCE BACK FROM THIS MY HEART FEELS LIKE SOMEONE RIPPED IT FROM MY CHEST. Any advice please im desperate on what to do.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

File papers.

She was cheating and you have proof. Relationships don't start that fast, he was around before she left.

I'm sorry you are here...I suggest looking for help in the "Infidelity" forum cause that's what this is. I'm sure there were tons of red flags that you overlooked.

She has some nerve though. She wants to be "friends". How sweet of her. What a turd.


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## brively (Feb 21, 2012)

Thank you for that ive just been so confused over all this.We have been together for ten years and she has two kids with other men but i have raised them since they were 8 and 5.The worst thing i feel is that her sister and acctullay her whole family were like my blood family and it was her sister who set them up.My other question is why if she wants a divorce does she say that she still loves me and im her best freind and she is seeing this other guy.To be honest with you i dont even think this other guys even knows she is even married


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So she was cheating on you for around 1 year before she separated. The other guy, she isn't so sure about him. So she is keeping you as a back up option. She will have a good sex marathon when he comes to meet her this week if she hasn't met him already. After that she decides if he is worth it. if not, she will get back to you , since you are a safe second choice.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sure. My H said he wanted a divorce. He said this after evading marriage and individual counseling and saying transparency he agreed to after lying about another woman, was abusive. Oh, right, he also said something about suicide and then provoked me in the grocery store marching around behind me like a Gestapo and I was Hitler. SO I FILED FOR DIVORCE. If you love someone who does this to you, I can only suggest individual counseling and maybe NC. She don't want a divorce because if she divorces you she can't tell the other her Hubby's being mean to her. Also so long as you are married, you're responsible for her bills and so forth - risk hedging. Plus, some guys only like married women, if they get them pregnant then the woman's stuck in the marriage. Some other poster on here can't get a divorce cause she's pregant! If she files then it will make her look like a b*tch, so she wants you to do it, also if she's abusive and she knows that you love her, she will use you filing the divorce as a way to further abuse you. But you don't have to see it that way. If you decide maybe this is the best idea she's had yet, you can go and do the filing. It doesn't mean you gave up or wanted it, only that you agree with her idea. IMO if someone brings up divorce in response to problems in a marriage, and continues to do what they're going to do and make you look like the problem that's causing them to do that, there isn't a marriage, it's just a really messed up illusion. You're the trained elephant in the ring. You ever wonder why every once in a while those elephants lose their cool and rampage?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

brively said:


> I will keep it kind of short until i find out if anybody is going through this to.A month ago my wife told me she wanted a divorce she still hasnt filed for it.Even though she id the one who wants the divorce.She said that she left the relashinship emotionally a year ago.Yet now she still contacts me and wants to be freinds she says.She is currently seeing someone else now and we are still not divorced the guy is from another state from were we live and just this weekend she invited him down here to spend time with her.But the same time she is telling me that she loves me and she needs time to heal.And like i said there is way more to this story but i will fill in more if someone can tell me if this is a normal thing.We are still married is this right.I LOVE HER VERY MUCH BUT I DONT THINK I CAN EVER BOUNCE BACK FROM THIS MY HEART FEELS LIKE SOMEONE RIPPED IT FROM MY CHEST. Any advice please im desperate on what to do.


File for divorce.

The reason your wife left the relationship emotionally a year ago is because that`s when she started hooking up with the "new" boyfriend.

File for divorce and have her served fast.
It`s your best chance of waking her up and setting her straight if that`s what you want.

If it doesn`t set her straight and/or that`s not what you want anyway then you`re well on your way of being rid of her.

Serve her divorce papers win/win situation.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

brively said:


> My other question is why if she wants a divorce does she say that she still loves me and im her best freind and she is seeing this other guy.To be honest with you i dont even think this other guys even knows she is even married


You`re her back-up plan.

In case she doesn`t enjoy the ride she gets when he comes to visit.

Find out who he is and if he`s married.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This sound like the same old script we read here at TAM. Check out the "coping with infidelity" forum and you can read all about it.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

brively said:


> Thank you for that ive just been so confused over all this.We have been together for ten years and she has two kids with other men but i have raised them since they were 8 and 5.The worst thing i feel is that her sister and acctullay her whole family were like my blood family and it was her sister who set them up.My other question is why if she wants a divorce does she say that she still loves me and im her best freind and she is seeing this other guy.To be honest with you i dont even think this other guys even knows she is even married


 She is trying to win him over and he has not yet committed to her. Until then, you pay the bills, raise her children, and the other guy gets the sex.

For the love of decency and self respect, file for divorce and do not look back. Let her see how excited the OM is to step in and do the heavy lifting for her.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your wife has been lying to you for a year or even longer---she has the gall to invite her lover to be with her, even while you still profess your love, and probably really are nothing more than an innocent, who has been kicked to the curb

Stand up for yourself, show respect for yourself---you do not have to accept, the fact that she treats you like a POS, which if she has had 2 kids by other men, means she seems to do this regularly to those men she has relationships with

You know what you are involved with, she has done this before, and when/if you are gone, she will do the same to her new/present lover

How is it that you can profess love, for someone who treats you as she is now treating you,----knowing you are still married, she still brings her new lover to town, and rubs your face in her complete and utter lack of respect, and general disdain, for you----tell me what is it you love about this situation, and the woman that is making it happen???????


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