# So confused!



## bmedlin29 (Jul 25, 2015)

I am new here and I really need some advice. I am 26 and me and my husband have been married for almost5 years now. We have 2 boys one 4 one 11 months. We have had issues in the past but always worked through them. When our second born was 3 weeks old, my husband left me. He had grown distant sometime before and totally shut me out. I found out after he left that he had been talking to another woman whom I did not like considering she had been trying to come between us for years because she was in love with him. When I asked about it he said it wasn't anything other than talking as friends with her. I struggled with our separation and dealing with 2 kids on m own and I went into a depression and struggled with anxiety. I got on medication to help and then a week later found out he slept with her after he left my house from staying and helping me get through the anxiety attacks and stuff. After a while I agreed to work things out and move on. I recently switched jobs and he has been acting like he did before...pushing me away and ignoring me...he says it is because he is stressed with bills and things like that. I have been having old feelings come back about the whole incident with him and this other woman and I don't know how to move forward. I love him and I do forgive him for what has happened, but I don't know if I can get over it. Please help me...I'm having more anxiety recently because of all of this and I don't know what to do.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Sorry you're here. Please see a doctor for the anxiety.

Calm down and take a step back. While I understand how vulnerable you're feeling right now and the pain you're in, you need to take off the rose tinted glasses and see your husband for the piece of sh!t he is. Any man who abandons a wife and a newborn baby is a [email protected] who isn't what you would want in a life partner. He's not going to have your back when you need it - he's shown you his true colors. This is the man who'd rather have sex with another woman than take care of you and his own baby. FVCK HIM.


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## bmedlin29 (Jul 25, 2015)

We had problems in the past and yes we did grow apart but my husband was always put first in our marriage and my kids...yes I did spend a lot of time with the kids but he was never home after he was born so I was breast feeding, taking care of a toddler, the house, and recovering too...and it's not even about him being with someone else because we were separated it's just who it was with...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do you have health insurance?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

My goodness, OP, this is not your fault. Your husband is just not good husband material.

I hope you are in a position to consider divorce. 

I am so sorry he has been so bad to you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your husband was/is not marriage material. 

You are right. You need to move on.

Seek out a good divorce lawyer and get the best deal for you and your children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Contact a lawyer and get things rolling. Keep that scab trying to pass himself off as a husband in the dark.

Get all your affairs in order and then obliterate your husband.

Make your soon to be ex a wasted plain.

Then take your time healing and fix your man picker.

There are real men out there and you can find one.

Get into counseling now as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You said that you just changed jobs. Have you been working all along? Were you working when he left before?

How many hours a week do each of you work at your jobs?

What percentage of your joint income do you earn?


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
If I hazard a guess I would blame your recurring feelings on the fact that you never actually worked through his A and tried instead to just "make it go away". You see, without getting the answers you needed you were not able to understand and rationalize his actions, at least to the point one can rationalize the irrational. Therefore you are not able to understand his actions and you react by fearing the worse and feeling as though the situation is repeating itself.

Until you are able to identify, as much as is possible, the "why" of his actions then you cannot rebuild the trust necessary to maintain a level of confidence that will put your mind at ease. If you and he cannot rationally talk this out and him give you all the information you need to accomplish this then counseling may provide you with the assistance you two need to get to the root of this issue. There are also books available on the subject but again he must be willing to provide you with whatever information you need to heal. I wish you success.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What have you done so far to find out if he is cheating now?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

He is probably cheating again or wants to/plans to cheat again. Everybody is stressed with bills, so that excuse doesn't work. I would keep checking up on him and if he is cheating again kick him out.


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## bmedlin29 (Jul 25, 2015)

Thanks everyone. I know myself and I know I can't get past it. He is not a bad guy he made a big mistake..it was just a mistake that I can't carry around anymore....


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## MichinCC (Sep 30, 2014)

Recognize that he may have waited to initiate sexual contact until after you were "separated;" however, he was well into an emotional affair while you were together. Also, a newborn and young child are a big responsibility but he chose to focus on himself and abandon you, seeing as how you were physically healing from birthing a baby, and left to care for both children on your own. Now he's throwing up red flags again which probably mean he hasn't changed and thus never will. Does he still have contact with the POSOW?


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

I know what it's like to not want to believe your H could be that kind of person, But when they have a woman on the side they get tunnel vision. They don't realize that you can see the whole picture. If he's acting the same way then more than likely he's back at it. I'm not here to attack your H, But you're having anxiety for a reason. do a little snooping you probably want have to look far to find your answers. A mistake is something you didn't intend to do. He made a choice.. Sorry you're hurting


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