# Life after ugliness?



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

So one of the things my wife has said to me after our many ugly arguements where we got downright mean and personal, is that she will never ever be able to see me in the same light again as she did on our wedding day and through the first 2 years of marriage, after all of the ugly things have been said to her during those arguements the past 4 years. And I have to admit that it will be real hard to ever see her as that ray of light or beautiful angel like I first did long ago as well.

So is there life after all the ugliness and is it possible to overcome all that and heal those deep wounds, or is the rest of our lives together just tainted and will never be the same again?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

A marriage counselor told my wife and I that there is no marriage without forgiveness.

If you both can't get by the hurt, then there's no sense staying in the marriage. It will just flow into every disagreement you have. If you can get marriage counseling or individual therapy to address the problem you may have a chance.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Don't put each other on a pedestal. You both aren't without faults. 

This new view you have of her doesn't have to be the end. It can be the beginning of loving her WITH her faults and vice versa.

Mean/unfair fighting is hard to get past. I will never forget some of the things my ex called me/said to me. I *might* have been able to get past that if it hadn't continued and finally I told him his hurtful words were killing the relationship.

Don't let your situation get that far.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Cee Paul said:


> So one of the things my wife has said to me after our many ugly arguements where we got downright mean and personal, is that she will never ever be able to see me in the same light again as she did on our wedding day and through the first 2 years of marriage, after all of the ugly things have been said to her during those arguements the past 4 years. And I have to admit that it will be real hard to ever see her as that ray of light or beautiful angel like I first did long ago as well.
> 
> So is there life after all the ugliness and is it possible to overcome all that and heal those deep wounds, or is the rest of our lives together just tainted and will never be the same again?


real marriages are filled with love,hate resentfullness,passion,anger,respect,duty,forgivness,and a few more I haven't mentioned.

not nessarally in that order.

this is the real world not some disney movie !


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## Lavender&Lace (Oct 7, 2011)

Cee Paul, I guess there is always hope, but I too have been on the receiving end of some pretty mean words (of course I'm no angel) but it's definitely hard to get past. Forgiveness is soooo hard....


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

The only way to find out is to stop the ugliness and see what happens.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Don't put each other on a pedestal. You both aren't without faults.
> 
> This new view you have of her doesn't have to be the end. It can be the beginning of loving her WITH her faults and vice versa.
> 
> ...


I think we're already knocking on that doorstep Enjoli, and when we fight we don't fight fair or pull any punches(not literally)and have said things to each other that would make an entire bar full of drunk bikers blush.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

*Bump*


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> I think we're already knocking on that doorstep Enjoli, and when we fight we don't fight fair or pull any punches(not literally)and have said things to each other that would make an entire bar full of drunk bikers blush.


Then I suggest you attend MC together to learn how to settle differences in a healthy, mature way. Learn how to fight fair.

I STILL remember the day my ex called me a "life support system for a pu$$y". The cut to the core. He was verbally abusive and eventually physically abusive. These things can escalate - it doesn't men you guys WILL get to blows but it's not off the table if you two escalate fights to this level. That comment was made 9-10 years ago if that tells you something about how much it stung. He took me to the lowest common denominator as a woman. I've been single 9 years. Coincidence? Nope.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Then I suggest you attend MC together to learn how to settle differences in a healthy, mature way. Learn how to fight fair.
> 
> I STILL remember the day my ex called me a "life support system for a pu$$y". The cut to the core. He was verbally abusive and eventually physically abusive. These things can escalate - it doesn't men you guys WILL get to blows but it's not off the table if you two escalate fights to this level. That comment was made 9-10 years ago if that tells you something about how much it stung. He took me to the lowest common denominator as a woman. I've been single 9 years. Coincidence? Nope.


I can assure you 1,000% that it will NEVER get to a physical point no matter what, because neither of us believe that we have the right to strike one another nor were we brought up that way. In some of my other posts I mentioned that one of the final straws with my ex is when she starting hitting and punching me towards the end(and she was 5'11 and 165lbs), and never even once did I strike her back but instead just stormed out of the house and went for a long drive! And that's not because I'm some wuss but it's because a) it's wrong to hit a woman, b) I'm 6'3 and 240lbs so if I did hit a woman it would do serious damage, and c) I would of course be hauled off to jail immediately.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I agree with Hicks.
I've been on the receiving end of some words I find very hard to forgive.
But I believe it's possible to forgive the past, stop looking at the past, stop seeing the stuff of the past, and build a new present and future.
It's easier to forgive, when the person who hurt you shows an honest regret for what they did/said, and a commitment to NOT repeat it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

brendavilleg said:


> It will just flow into every disagreement you have.


Yep, because if it's not her bringing up past crap that I've said or done during arguements, then it's me bringing up her crap instead. And trust me we are not the only couples doing this and it's quite common in marriages gone bad.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

If you're done fighting that way and have replaced it with something respectful and kind instead, then you can heal. No, you won't ever be the same as in the beginning to each other, but you *can* develop something more meaningful and genuine.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> Yep, because if it's not her bringing up past crap that I've said or done during arguements, then it's me bringing up her crap instead. And trust me we are not the only couples doing this and it's quite common in marriages gone bad.


Sounds more like the problem is your present than your past.


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## UserAwaitingDeletion (Jan 15, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> He took me to the lowest common denominator as a woman. I've been single 9 years. Coincidence? Nope.


If I may risk digressing here on your thread CeePual...
this stands out showing how wounding the tongue can be!
Did it leave you thinking this is how every other man really thinks or something. It sounds really immature and detached.
The tragedy is there are plenty of good guys going to waste. I hope you get over this idiot properly.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Sounds more like the problem is your present than your past.


I guess when you get caught up with keeping score the problems of the present keep adding onto the problems of the past.


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