# affair at work



## killeen (Mar 12, 2013)

Hello all, 
I am completely devastated after finding out my wife is having an affair with a coworker. 
I will keep the story short and write the main points. 
I was separated from my wife for the last year due to military assignment in Alaska. I finished my time and I came back to our house in Texas. 
About 4 months ago she quit her job as a nursing assistant and got this new job at a doctor's office to work in the front desk. 
I noticed a tremendous change which now knowing was at the same time of her getting this new job. Her attitude towards our future was worse than ever. 
I was thinking that maybe the distance was killing us and I was going to be a different man once I made it back to our house. AND I DID !! 
I was a very dedicated and loving husband to her but did notice her being very cold and nonresponsive to me. It felt like living with a roommate. 
I would offer to seek counseling and she would just say no. Our arguments were only because she would "stay at work extra hours" !! 
One day I found a picture of my wife and her coworker at a party and asked her why she lied to me about the party (she told me that she went with a female friend about 3 months ago). She had no real response and said that she did not wanted me to think that she was with him. 
About 1 week ago I found them having lunch at a pizza place and confronted them and she said that it was "work related" even though he was the only one there. When we made it home she admitted of having an affair with him and that she wanted to try that relationship. 
She said that she felt "obligated" to be with me because we were married. That she was not happy. 
She wanted to "try" other loves to truly know if she has any feelings for me. At first she asked for 3 months and how she was going to test him. 
She told that out marriage was the best for us and our 6 year old son. She actually said that she felt bad for doing what she was doing. At no point did she apologized and still continues with the affair. 
I moved out and she stayed at the house with our son. I know it is my house too but she said I could stay but she would move with the other man and she wants to keep our son away from her situation. 
As of today I get to see my son most of the time. I stay with our son while she works. Sometime I feel like a babysitter but then I love the time with our son. 
My son gets to sleep in my room some days, mostly on weekends. 
Now I know that when my son is with me, she goes and stays in that man's place. 
my questions are: 
When is the point of knowing that the whole thing is over? 
She of course won't start a divorce but told me that she would sign it if I petition it. 
She wants somehow for us to be "friends" even though she is having an affair and we are still married. 
I am not an expert in relationship and you probably think that I am an idiot but truthfully I dont know what to do. 
How much is too much? 
I can't really ignore her or have a no contact since we have a son together. 
Any helpful comments would be appreciated. Please dont call me an idiot or any other bad names, I already feel like that. 
Thanks


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

sorry to hear what ur goin thru. You need to bail on this marriage. Tell her to move out and in with him. She is in a fog that you have no chance of winning. She prob. feels she is in love with him and loves u like a good friend. Forget the friend stuff. Its just her way of making her feel less badly about everything. She is being selfish and her priorities are all messed up. Family comes first in my books and she has already stated to you that "she will move in with OM" if u stay at the house. So do just that. If not, u stand to lose everything. At least u can keep the house and try for custody of ur son. She even said she doesnt want him around the situation, so maybe its time to move on. Her being so open about the affair tells me she has checked out a long time ago. how long have u guys been together? Have there been cheating issues in the past?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

File for divorce. NOW! I am sorry your are here; but, you need to move on with your life for your son's sake and yours.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

End it. She has checked out. You should have never moved out-move back in, right now. Then expose this to everyone, not to get her back, but so when you file for divorce she can not spin it, as you are the bad guy. Some will tell you it's the fog. I don't believe in it. I only think cheaters deserve a second chance, if they are deeply remorseful. She is not. She seems to know what she wants, so give it to her. End the marriage on your terms, at least you can salvage some self respect.

I also don't like being in limbo, so I would start doing these things now, so you can move on. Best of luck. And don't fear the future, better days are coming.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

End it. She has checked out. You should have never moved out-move back in, right now. Then expose this to everyone, not to get her back, but so when you file for divorce she can not spin it, as you are the bad guy. Some will tell you it's the fog. I don't believe in it. I only think cheaters deserve a second chance, if they are deeply remorseful. She is not. She seems to know what she wants, so give it to her. End the marriage on your terms, at least you can salvage some self respect.

I also don't like being in limbo, so I would start doing these things now, so you can move on. Best of luck. And don't fear the future, better days are coming.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I'm really sorry you are here but you are going to get a ton of good advice. Some of it may be hard to listen to but you need to. It's late but expect to see a lot of comments and questions tomorrow.


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## eric415 (Feb 11, 2013)

Found out a month ago my wife was having a PA with her boss. I took the advice of people of this forum and took control back. That's the only thing you can do right now. She is calling the shots and you need to start calling them. People on her are going to be harsh and you will be offended at times. That's good as it will help you get out of the state your in. There will be good advice and bad advice. Stay true to yourself but also do not make your decisions out of fear. Attack attack attack. But be smart. I won't go into what's happening with your wife now as others are more eloquent than me in those terms. Again, the biggest thing you need to do now is get back control. TAM will help you do that if you allow yourself to listen. Good luck. You can also read my thread in the Private section, but its ridiculously long, so just read my posts. I have no kids so situation is a little less complex.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You have already lost your marriage. You don't have much left to lose. How long will it be before she wants to move in with this guy full time and take your son there? My biggest question is, why hasn't she done this already? Why is she still married to you if she is in love with another man? And don't kid yourself, she is IN LOVE with him, she loves you like an old friend and she feels bad for hurting you, OLD FRIEND, but she is IN LOVE with him.

So why is she still with you? You must have something she needs.

She fell in love with you once, can she again?

Those are answers no one has. But if she is going to fall in love with you again, you have to be the man you were before - not the man who tolerates his wife sleeping with another man openly.

Your first step is to fight for your marriage. What have you done to end the affair? Have you exposed this affair to the other man's wife/girlfriend/parents/siblings/family/friends? Have you exposed to your wife's family and friends and yours? Do not tell your wife you are going to do this, just do it. Tell your and her families and friends that she is having an affair, with whom, and that she refuses to end it and ask for their help in supporting your marriage - ask them to talk to your wife to influence her to try to work on her marriage. Tell other man's family and friends that he is breaking up what was a happy family before he came into the picture, give them photos of the three of you together and let them see for themselves, and ask them to talk to him to do the morally right thing and not break up a family.

Also expose the affair to your wife's employer. Let them know that this workplace affair is breaking up your family.

Do not tell your wife you are exposing, just do it. If she comes complaining to you, tell her you are fighting for her and fighting for your marriage.

Move back into your house. If she wants to leave, let her leave.

Tell your wife you will work on improving whatever legitimate faults you have and that you will work on improving your marriage, but that you will NOT stay married to her if she continues the affair. If she refuses to end the affair, file for divorce. Talk to her only about divorce-related and child-related issues. Try to be indifferent to her. Do not be rude, be pleasant, but not overly friendly. Act like you are moving on with your life. Do not whine, plead, or beg. Show her your confidence that you will be fine without her.

If she does end the affair, she has to quit that job and have no contact with the other man and she has to allow you to verify that she has no contact with him by giving you access to all her communication devices and accounts, all passwords.

There is a good chance your marriage is unsalvageable and that your wife will leave you no matter what you do. But you will never know unless you try.

If your marriage is over, might as well get it over with and move on with your life. If it can be saved, this is the way to do it - make her realize that she does not have you at home as her "backup plan" in case her relationship with other man doesn't work out. Right now, she is thinking that you will ALWAYS be there for her. She likes to have sex with other man, but he doesn't do all of the things for her that you do. She wants to always be friends with you - to her that means you get to pine for her and do all of the unpleasant things that she doesn't like to do for herself, be a babysitter, get her car fixed, etc. - the things other man won't do for her. She likes that about him, he is not a pushover.

I don't mean to offend you, but you must realize that is how she likely sees you. She must be scratching her head and wondering why you haven't left her already or why you're putting up with all of her stuff without any fight.

There have been other stories like yours here. Some worked out, most didn't, but not because the cheating wife didn't want to return to the marriage. Once the husband files for divorce and starts to move on, the cheater usually expresses some interest in working it out. By that time, however, the husband has put up with so much sh1t that his give-a-sh1t has stopped working and he doesn't want her back.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

eric415 said:


> Found out a month ago my wife was having a PA with her boss. I took the advice of people of this forum and took control back. That's the only thing you can do right now. She is calling the shots and you need to start calling them. People on her are going to be harsh and you will be offended at times. That's good as it will help you get out of the state your in. There will be good advice and bad advice. Stay true to yourself but also do not make your decisions out of fear. Attack attack attack. But be smart. I won't go into what's happening with your wife now as others are more eloquent than me in those terms. Again, the biggest thing you need to do now is get back control. TAM will help you do that if you allow yourself to listen. Good luck. You can also read my thread in the Private section, but its ridiculously long, so just read my posts. I have no kids so situation is a little less complex.


Listen to Eric, he has just been through this and his story is heartbreaking. He is right that you will get some bad advice to go along with the bad. What works for one person doesn't always work for another. What you will get for sure are a lot of ideas that you can sift through that you would not otherwise think of yourself from people who have lived it. Some of it is going to be harsh; they are looking at it from the outside and are not the ones currently living through the emotional trauma. That doesn't invalidate what they are saying even if it feels insensitive. One thing that Eric said is the one kernel of wisdom you need to take away from this. Get control.

You have no control right now. She is entirely in control. You have done nothing wrong. She cheated on you and she doesn't get to call the shots for your life. Get control.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You also might try asking your wife about your son.

Ask her, if our son ever is in this position, where his wife is openly cheating on him and sleeping with another man while still married to him and he has a six-year-old son of his own, what would you want for our son? What would you want our son to do if he ever were in the exact same situation I am in now?


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## eric415 (Feb 11, 2013)

What Will Kane said is spot on. He is always spot on and his advice helped me tremendously. 

And back to the getting control. Once I got it back, it empowered me and allowed me to feel strong again and make the right decisions for myself. Before that I was just reacting.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Quit.

Take care of yourself and your son.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

And don't forget to expose the wife's affair to her family and mutual friends. You are not doing this out of revenge or spite.
And ask her to move out of the house

Is the guy she is seeing single or married ? You should probably expose them at work. Call the HR and tell them what they are upto.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

killeen said:


> She of course won't start a divorce but told me that she would sign it if I petition it.
> Thanks


This degree of open disrespect for you, her marriage vows, your son and family calls for no other option than D IMO. I don't know how she can tell you any more plainly that its over.

File for D ASAP and move on !!!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You will not save your marriage on your current path of agreeing to everything she wants or by making the logistics of her affair easier for her.

She's doing a test drive of another man. What if she doesn't like being with him, why would you want someone back who so obviously has zero love or respect for you? 

She sees you as extremely weak for accepting her test drive btw. The OM is the alpha dog here and you are the lower weak dog hoping for food scraps.

Stop being that weak man. Take back control and your self respect will return.

1. Separate your finances today. Your own bank account, your paycheck goes in it. Cancel joint CC

2. Move back into your home, your bed.

3. Notify her work, her family, her friends and announce that she has willingly abandoned the marriage for the affair with the OM .

4. Notify the OMs parents and family that he is dating a married woman with a young son.

5. See a lawyer and file for divorce.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Killeen...that's a harsh story, man. You are getting a lot of good advice from people here. Take your time and digest the information, cuz it's stuff that you need to really think about and then act on.

IMO, she doesn't deserve to be taking part in raising your son. There was a story on here last year about a guy who's father was in the hospital. 40 years previously, he was 6 years old when his mother cheated on his father. The kid never forgave his mother.

Take care of yourself and your son. Even being a pro-reconciliation guy, I've gotta say get out of there. You and your kid don't need to be exposed to her toxicity.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Killeen,

Start doing as others have stated

Get a good lawyer
File for Divorce today
Expose her to family and friends
Move back into the home TODAY
Cut off her funding! Do things like:

If the cell phone account is in your name, cancel her phone
If you have any joint bank accounts, take half the money in them and move it into accounts with just your name on it
If your pay is deposited into one of these joint accounts, change it to a new account with just your name on it
Remove her name from any joint credit card accounts or cancel the accounts

Do not continue to fund her cheating lifestylr!


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

Sorry for your pain and situation, many on TAM have been here and know how these scenarios unfold. In your case you uncovered the affair quickly and that called your wife's hand, and she chose the affair. This is very unfortunate for her, she never gave you a chance and you are the father of her son. She is putting herself FIRST, that is typical in our era, but little does she know the misery that awaits her and the blended family nightmare. 

SHe doesn't know if this relationship will work, so she has kept you in the wings as plan B, that is not a good place to be. You need to be your own best friend, your own advocate, and do what is best for you. Do you have the strength to wait for her to make up her mind, and will you want her back if she decides to commit to the marriage? If so, you can wait it out, the problem with that is there may be another man after this OM, until she finally finds her pick. DO you want to live through that? 

She has caused all this trouble, make her make the decision that she will have to live with, force her to file for divorce. Move back in the house, and force her to leave, you become the custodial parent, and the responsible adult. Tell her she needs to decide to either commit to the marriage NOW, or leave. Gather evidence of the affair for the divorce. Wait it out and make her stew in her own misery of her own making. 

RIght now you need to be your own best friend and advocate, if there is a time you need to be strong for yourself, now is the time. You are a soldier, you can do this, you will get over this and your life will be better.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Killeen, the first priority is your son. The marriage itself is toast. You need to sit down with your wife and make some decisions regarding your son's welfare and who can best support him. In some States it is illegal for a woman to allow a strange man to be in close contact with a child, to prevent abuse. I would get a lawyer and find out the laws in TX and how they relate to your situation. Do nothing that will alienate your wife further. Not because you want to reconcile, but because you will need her acquiescence. Propose that YOU be given custody, so she can pursue her love-life. DO NOT give her money, except that it be used for your kid. Schmooze her, flatter her, whatever it takes to get your son. Up to and including keeping him with YOU, if she balks at your suggestions. Do Not be concerned about her at all, because she wasn't concerned about you , was she? Play hardball.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Sorry you are here. Detach

This one is startlingly similar to this one:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/64964-she-doesnt-think-she-cheated.html

Read it. This is what you are going to go thru. He is 2 months ahead of you.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

killeen said:


> Hello all,
> I am completely devastated after finding out my wife is having an affair with a coworker.
> I will keep the story short and write the main points.
> I was separated from my wife for the last year due to military assignment in Alaska. I finished my time and I came back to our house in Texas.
> ...


Your marriage was over when she CHOSE HIM OVER YOU. Period. There will never be any coming back from that. You are at the bottom on her priority list. Go back to your house and make her move out.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

From what you are telling us it is highly likely that your wife has been involved with this man for awhile. It is highly likely the job change was to get closer to this new man. Your wife has enjoyed bilking your for your paycheck while she is opening her legs for someone else. At this point I would, for your sake expose this to her family and friends. I would expose her to her friends. The only reason why is say this is that you need to at least try to get it into her head what she did was wrong. For your son's sake. Your WW has likely already exposed your son to this man. This man is likely just in it for the sex and once your wife is free to pursue something more than a No strings attached relationship it will likely just fall apart. I am telling you to walk away but do so swinging. I understand you love this woman and she is acting this way because she probably does have feelings for you. She is trying to protect herself from the guilt. You deserve to be pissed you deserve to confront her and call her on her BS. You need to move back home and let your wife move out. You let her stay with the OM until you file and see what the judge says. What she would be doing is called abandonment. You go home and you stay home. That is your house and your child. If she wants to mess with you and your son she can do it at the OM's house. You watch what happens when she moves in with him. You will see the problems start to surface really quick once she realizes it isn't all fairy tales and happy endings.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Follow all the other posters advice.

Move back into a seperate bedroom in your house.
Divorce her.
Sorry,I don't think this woman is wife material.
She wants to test the waters for other males,
while your married to her?

When you say your marriage vows,you don,t
cheat for any reason.

You divorce,before you ever cheat on your
spouse.

I'm very sorry,your wife is using you as her
back up plan if she can't find anyone better
than you.

You can not let her use you like this.It sounds
like you suffer from the nice guy syndrome.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

killeen said:


> Hello all,
> I am completely devastated after finding out my wife is having an affair with a coworker.
> I will keep the story short and write the main points.
> I was separated from my wife for the last year due to military assignment in Alaska. I finished my time and I came back to our house in Texas.
> ...


She asked you to wait for her to test a another man? She has been testing him while you were gone.

You should not have moved out. You should not have given her space for her affair. You have given her permission to have sex with this guy. But be assured this was not just an EA. So she hooked up with a coworker while you were deployed. Nice. You should have insisted she go fill NC with this guy and that if she dod not immediately you were going to file.

You moving out has allowed another man to come to your home where your son is to have sex with your wife. In your bed.

We have a fight or flight mechanism. I am only suggesting you do some fighting.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You need to listen to the advice that is given here. Your wifes A has been going on for a long time. Move back into the house today. Tell her she wants this guy there is the door. File for D right now. I assume you are still in the military. Get to your Chaplian right away and discuss. They can help a great deal with time off to deal with this stuff and IC for you.

The most important thing is to take decisve action with your wife right away. Also make sure you call her parents and make sure they understand the marriage is over due to their daughter f'ing another man. She may have made up other stories about you.

You have to come to grips your love for your wife is for the old wife and she is gone!. She does not want to be with you so take the bull by the horns and get the D going and claim your ground and the house with your kid


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

killeen said:


> She of course won't start a divorce but told me that she would sign it if I petition it.


She "believes" you won't, you being the nice guy and all that.

Ten bucks says she's doing her best to pull up some poker face while relaying this load of bovine digestive byproduct your way.

Well then call her bluff, bring down the fist and flip the table.

Serve the papers and watch how instantaneously she wakes up, however much she be checked out from the relationship.

Your actions don't sink in? Papers will sink in oh so fast.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> You also might try asking your wife about your son.
> 
> Ask her, if our son ever is in this position, where his wife is openly cheating on him and sleeping with another man while still married to him and he has a six-year-old son of his own, what would you want for our son? What would you want our son to do if he ever were in the exact same situation I am in now?


She'll say: "Our son need to realize that his wife has her own wants, needs and desires, and he should not stand in her way. If our son really loves his wife, he should sign over his bank account in full and pray everyday that she finds men to bring her happiness."


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

She wants to remain friends? She's been watching too many romance movies. This is real life. 

Tell her you have real friends. Friends who have your back. Friends who don't betray your trust. Friends who don't humiliate you in your community. Friends who treat your relationship with respect. Friends who honor their commitments. 

Tell her when you need your back stabbed again you'll look her up. Take the advice given by the other posters here. It's all good. Heck, every poster here is a better friend to you than your wife is.


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## eric415 (Feb 11, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> She wants to remain friends? She's been watching too many romance movies. This is real life.
> 
> Tell her you have real friends. Friends who have your back. Friends who don't betray your trust. Friends who don't humiliate you in your community. Friends who treat your relationship with respect. Friends who honor their commitments.
> 
> Tell her when you need your back stabbed again you'll look her up. Take the advice given by the other posters here. It's all good. Heck, every poster here is a better friend to you than your wife is.


Mine did the same thing. Last time I checked my friends weren't into betraying me and lying to my face. Sounds like she's delusional. Sounds familiar.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

you will never be friends with her and SHE does not want to be your friend she is only saying that to seem like she is civil. she is choosing to divorce you and wants you to file so you look like the bad guy (been there done that)


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

eric415 said:


> What Will Kane said is spot on. He is always spot on and his advice helped me tremendously.


I second that. If she wants a friend, buy her a dog. You're either her husband or exhusband


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## killeen (Mar 12, 2013)

I am very impressed with the responses and advises that I have received through this medium. I like the fact that neutral people to the situation see how reality is by the mere facts.

thank you for your honesty, is better to know exactly how things are. Sometimes I feel as I am also in a fog and not thinking correctly. 
I am letting my wife make a fool of myself. She is totally just disrespecting me in all levels.
She DOES NOT have to be with me if she does not love me. I can accept someone not loving me, just dont cheat !!

I have spoken to her a few times and let me tell you how things are at this time. 

She is acting as if things are very ok. She is nice to me and she even text me sometimes about random things. 
There is a series now called "THE BIBLE" being presented in the history channel and she texted me like 10 minutes before it would start asking me if I was going to watch it.
The other day she texted me saying that she had cook and I was welcome to come to the house and eat. 
The other she asked me for help in her colleger homework. 

As much as I like those things, I also HATE the fact that she wants to be my friend even though she is cheating on me with another man. 

I am collecting myself and I am making me myself less available to her. Why does she ask for my help? Why does she concerns herself with little things like whether I ate or not?

She is making plans with this other man on the weekends. Her life is so good. but then........
she admits that she does not love anybody, that she is unable to love. She even admits that she will fail with this man, that she is going to get bored with him eventually.
I tell her how her poor decisions do affect other people and is not fair to them. 

To be honest I want to dissappear from her and my son for a while. I know it sounds bad but I need or have to make her feel and see how life is without me AND how her decisions have consequences. 

I am an idiot 100% today but tomorrow I will be 99% and I have pray for strength. I am seeing things as they are and I am not sugarcoating anything. 

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ALL YOUR WORDS !!! and in response to a writer named "WRESTLER".....YES I AM ANGRY !!!!!!

How dare she disrespect me while I am working and providing for the house and the support to her and our son. 
If I cheat, cheat on me. If I respect you as a woman, respect me as a man. 

my hearts knows that I was good and dont deserve this and above all God knows. 

I am finding out my options about divorce. I am finding out about whether I could fight for custody of my son. 
She is so freaking confused at this time that she even told me that I could stay in our house with my son and she would move out with the man. What mother does that ??


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Killeen,

It seems you have woken up a bit. That's good.

If she's volunteered to move out as you noted, tell her to do so. She is the one who has decided to have an affair so she is the one who should leave the marital home since she left the marriage.

Get an appointment with a divorce lawyer ASAP to see what your options are. Intially I would suggest:

-Remove her name from any joint credit cards or cancel them outright
-Take half the money in any joint bank accounts and put it in an account with only your name on it
-If you have your paycheck being direct deposited into a joint account, change that too
Why should you be funding her alternate lifestyle?

Do not abandon your son at this point! Spend as much time with him as possible because this could affect custody.

Tell your wife to not contact you unless it's regarding your child or joint finance issues. Ask her to put all requests/contacts in writing either email or text.

Good luck!


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

killeen said:


> She is so freaking confused at this time that she even told me that I could stay in our house with my son and she would move out with the man. What mother does that ??


Take this deal. then file for D. When you're in court the judge will divide things up the way they were in the M. Also, nothing breaks up an A like ending the fantasy. Once she's moved in with him the fantasy goes away because they will have to deal with day to day living together.

Also you're in TX which is a fault state. Show she cheated in court.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Test drive the OM?

Sorry, but, you drive you buy.


She wants to go test him out, she can do so while you're filing for D, tying up the bag to take the trash out and put it where it belongs.

She will find out the OM has to sit to use the restroom too and has stinky poo and, obviously :loser: who likes breaking families apart and homes all for the mere sake of lust, ephemeral passions, and selfish. They're high on ero right now, they'll get jaded and be in ruin. 


Qu'ils mangent de la broiche!

Let them EAT CAKE!


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## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

killeen said:


> I am finding out my options about divorce. I am finding out about whether I could fight for custody of my son.
> She is so freaking confused at this time that she even told me that I could stay in our house with my son and she would move out with the man. What mother does that ??


*raises hand* 

My ex. She's getting moving quotes as we speak. When her divorce settlement money comes she's gone.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

killeen said:


> THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ALL YOUR WORDS !!! and in response to a writer named "WRESTLER".....YES I AM ANGRY !!!!!!
> 
> How dare she disrespect me while I am working and providing for the house and the support to her and our son.
> If I cheat, cheat on me. If I respect you as a woman, respect me as a man.
> ...


You mean me? I push hard because I absolutely hate watching people act as doormats and waste their life. 

YOU GET 1 LIFE. STOP WASTING IT.

FILE YESTERDAY!!!! GEET THAT FREE 1 HOUR constulation TODAY!!!!!

If TX is a full no-fault state you dont need proof except... Some states allow faster divorce if you can prove fault. 

GET HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE EXCEPTING YOUR KID!!!!

If that is the case then get some proof so you CAN GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. The lawyer can advise you exactly whether proof will do you any good or not.

The faster you do that the faster you get your head straightened out. Then 1 day... a month, 6 months, a year from now you will meet this girl who has possibilities... You dont know it then but she is the new improved Mrs Kileen V2.0 new and improved with loyalty and boundaries. First you have to straighten out your head.

>
How dare she disrespect me while I am working and providing for the house and the support to her and our son. 
If I cheat, cheat on me. If I respect you as a woman, respect me as a man. <

THERE YOU GO. NOW TURN THAT INTO THE FREE LAWYER CONSULTATION TO FIX YOUR LIFE SO YOU CAN ACT.

WE WANT A REPORT BACK YOU ARE FOLLOWING THRU WITH FIXING YOUR LIFE PRONTO SOLDIER!!! MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT!


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

killeen said:


> I am very impressed with the responses and advises that I have received through this medium. I like the fact that neutral people to the situation see how reality is by the mere facts.
> 
> thank you for your honesty, is better to know exactly how things are. Sometimes I feel as I am also in a fog and not thinking correctly.
> I am letting my wife make a fool of myself. She is totally just disrespecting me in all levels.
> ...


No mother does that.

Keep ignoring her. Don't help her with her hw, she can go ask the OM for help. Eat dinner without saying a word, and to conclude just say "thanks the chips and salsa was good".

Avoid any intimate contact, no hysterical bonding of any sort. Let her feel the loss of you as she becomes closer with the OM. The more you chase, the farther she pulls away. Remain strong, emotionless, only communicate with her for important reasons.

If ever she asks about the relationship, then speak, but don't bring it up. Let her know she is the one that has decided to betray you and her son, to end it and, to ruin every good that she has been given by YOU out of love for the family. 

Marriage is not an easy path and, it seems reconciliation is not possible yet. She is in a massive cheater mindset. She even knows that she's indulging and yet she still wishes to do so for a time. Its like a fat guy about to get on a diet pigging out, and after that will go on a diet for a few days then fail and revert to his normal eating habits or WORSE.

Don't rug sweep her actions. That's not love that she speaks of, she can't say 'I love you' because it would be a lie. It is the contrary, and the contrary of love is hate. By her actions she hates you and could NOT care less because she has absolutely NO care for you.

Keep working hard, focus on yourself.

Expose the affair at her work, to her parents, and if the OM has a gf or a wife, expose.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You are doing everything right. Get tested for STD's and have her served as soon as possible. If you are allow her to get emotional support from you in any way, you will be making a big mistakes. You must show her that there are consequences to her actions. Good luck.


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## stuck in los angeles (Feb 15, 2013)

Make this easier on her for your benefit. You want custody of your son. You can really help that along by moving back into the house, keeping your son there and continue to be the parent that provides a stable home environment for him. That will only work in your favor in deciding custody. Otherwise, you can do what I did and move out, she gets custody and a big chunk of your paycheck for at least the next 17 years. She shouldn't be rewarded with custody for behavior like that.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

this is insane man. You are paving the way for this woman to have and affair, expose your child to an affair, and treat your like a toy. Stop wallowing and start taking control of you life. Be pissed this is insane you think by moving out, you are sending her a message. No you just paved the way for her to continue the affair. This woman is deep in the fog. She is a love addict and your child is being exposed to this woman. She is not the woman you married, instead of taking a stand you let her run you off. Why are you not at home with your kid. You think the judge is going to see you basically taking off as a sign of being a good parent. You have a lot more at stake here than your pride and you pride is exactly what you need to find. find you anger man if I were you this woman would be out of my house. I'd have a legal separation in place and I'd have her cut off from any dime you make. You are this womans meal ticket and the OM is her cake. Stop making it easier on this woman. come on man I wish I could shake you right now. You are being used. get pissed and handle your business. I know you are hurting and i know that this might offend you. But if it gets you mad enough snap out of your funk so be it atleast I will be able to sleep tonight.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Now we're talking.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

killeen said:


> I am very impressed with the responses and advises that I have received through this medium. I like the fact that neutral people to the situation see how reality is by the mere facts.
> 
> thank you for your honesty, is better to know exactly how things are. Sometimes I feel as I am also in a fog and not thinking correctly.
> I am letting my wife make a fool of myself. She is totally just disrespecting me in all levels.
> ...


 You are her husband, not a tutor, not a friend, not a friend with benefits, but her HUSBAND until the marriage is ended. Put your foot down and ruin her fun. You have given her no consequences. She has the house, your son, you as a friend and a new "rich" lover. She, in her weird way, is trying to make it "easier." Also, she is fishing for compliments. You are supposed to chase her and tell her "you aren't broken" or "you can make it work." 



> To be honest I want to dissappear from her and my son for a while. I know it sounds bad but I need or have to make her feel and see how life is without me AND how her decisions have consequences.


 Don't do this to your son. You'll regret it later. 



> I am finding out my options about divorce. I am finding out about whether I could fight for custody of my son.
> She is so freaking confused at this time that she even told me that I could stay in our house with my son and she would move out with the man. What mother does that ??


If this is true, take her up on it and talk to a lawyer. This could help you IMMENSELY.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

This is why I hate affairs so much. This man is so messed up right now that it makes me want to take a vacation, drive to this guys location, and help him wake up. This guy is out of his head and it is not his fault . I will be praying for him.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

stop talking to her. tell her not to contact you unless about the kid. Ignore her otherwise.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Read the Welcome Newbies thread by Almost Recovered. Do the 180. Shut it down swift & suddenly. No more talks, texts - do not explain anything to her, do not entertain her. She does not get to hear you voice and only sees you when she drops off your son at your house she needs to get out of. 

No eye contact whatsoever, no lingering in the doorway. When she does see you on those occassions, "act" like you are now dating Pamela Anderson. Mystery will kill her fog too. This woman believes you are a doormat. Being a woman, I can tell you, once you apply the 180, she's gonna get a fog jog. She is a glutton. Put her on a diet.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Be prepared that when you do tell her to move out and that you are moving back in she will throw a hissy fit. She wants you to keep rolling over. The second you stop she will lash out at you. Which may be what you need to see so that you can get it out of your head that she is a good person underneath everything. But guess what, she isn't. She is a selfish ***** that is using you.

How you handle this situation is what your son will take away about how relationships with women should be handled. Don't make him think it is ok for a woman to treat him that way.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

killeen said:


> She is making plans with this other man on the weekends. Her life is so good. but then........
> she admits that she does not love anybody, that she is unable to love. She even admits that she will fail with this man, that she is going to get bored with him eventually.


 Why does what she feels matter to you anymore, when what you feel does not matter to her at all? She is cheating on you in your face and giving you crumbs of hope so that you will hang on. She is enjoying life and having fun because she has the best of both worlds, a new lover and you as a backup plan.



killeen said:


> She is so freaking confused at this time that she even told me that I could stay in our house with my son and she would move out with the man. What mother does that ??


 She is not confused you are. She is doing exactly what she wants to be doing. She sleeps with the other man when all you get are a few text messages now and then. She wants you to move into the house and take care of your child so that she can move in with the other man. You are married in name only. What she is doing is so over the top disrespectful to your marriage and to you as a man, your marraige will never be able to recover. Stop looking into your options in divorce and just file and mean it. Do not look back as this can never be fixed.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

When she's not with her boyfriend she tries to calm you down with little texts to make you think you're still in the game. 

She is trying to ensure you don't use all your relationship weapons like filing for divorce, asking for custody, exposing her affair. She isn't sure the OM will be "all in" with her and your child. If you start making waves and rocking their boat she is afraid the OM will bolt. *That's *why she is being "so nice" - it's a trick. 

Believe me, if she KNEW the OM was all in you'd be history. Why don't you make her history?

Expose the affair to her parents, his work place, his parents - check to ensure he isn't already married. He might just be separated. 

File and request full custody.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> When she's not with her boyfriend she tries to calm you down with little texts to make you think you're still in the game.
> 
> She is trying to ensure you don't use all your relationship weapons like filing for divorce, asking for custody, exposing her affair. She isn't sure the OM will be "all in" with her and your child. If you start making waves and rocking their boat she is afraid the OM will bolt. *That's *why she is being "so nice" - it's a trick.
> 
> ...


Just do it!:iagree::iagree:


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## stuck in los angeles (Feb 15, 2013)

badbane said:


> This is why I hate affairs so much. This man is so messed up right now that it makes me want to take a vacation, drive to this guys location, and help him wake up. This guy is out of his head and it is not his fault . I will be praying for him.


I can relate to him and would definitely be there to help him out if I could.


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## stuck in los angeles (Feb 15, 2013)

Soifon said:


> Be prepared that when you do tell her to move out and that you are moving back in she will throw a hissy fit. She wants you to keep rolling over. The second you stop she will lash out at you. Which may be what you need to see so that you can get it out of your head that she is a good person underneath everything. But guess what, she isn't. She is a selfish ***** that is using you.
> 
> How you handle this situation is what your son will take away about how relationships with women should be handled. Don't make him think it is ok for a woman to treat him that way.


Exactly. Don't pick fights with her. Let her move out without any fuss. You want to be in the house with your son whether or not she decides to come back to you. You don't want to ruffle her feathers and make her realize that her moving out is a bad idea for her in family law court. I look back and wish I had custody of my sons while they were growing up.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

badbane said:


> this is insane man. You are paving the way for this woman to have and affair, expose your child to an affair, and treat your like a toy. Stop wallowing and start taking control of you life. ....
> 
> .... You have a lot more at stake here than your pride and you pride is exactly what you need to find. find you anger ...
> 
> ... Stop making it easier on this woman. come on man I wish I could shake you right now. You are being used. get pissed and handle your business. I know you are hurting and i know that this might offend you. But if it gets you mad enough snap out of your funk so be it atleast I will be able to sleep tonight.


:iagree:

Killeen
I understand you are crushed - but you have training. You know how to act in emergencies. This is an emergency. 

Your ol' lady is having you play the fool while she lives a deceitful and dishonorable life - don't put up with this nonsense. The more you try to "wait her out" or "nice her" the more she will feel she's doing the right thing. 

Some immature people love what they can't have. She has you fetchin' and scrapin' and that give her time to try and "catch the big one". 

Who do you think she cares for more?


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## btdt (Nov 19, 2012)

Since she's a fan of The Bible series, perhaps you should text her that she needs to get familiar with the following verses: Exodus 20:14, Dueteronomy 5:18, Ezekiel 16:38, Ezekiel 23:37, and Ezekial 23:43.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Killeen
> I understand you are crushed - but you have training. You know how to act in emergencies. This is an emergency.
> ...


The folks here are spot on. 

I just went through this and it has helped me immensely.

Even if my ex were to *ever *want to reconcile it would NEVER be the same, always doubt and always that weakness for her. Not for me, one chance is it.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Act as if she is a stranger, you don't have to be nasty but have to put your interests first. The only reason for all that "can we stay friends" part is for her to have it easy. Friends don't backstab friends.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

any updates Killeen


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

livinfree said:


> The folks here are spot on.
> 
> I just went through this and it has helped me immensely.
> 
> Even if my ex were to *ever *want to reconcile it would NEVER be the same, always doubt and always that weakness for her. Not for me, one chance is it.



So true. Many that come here seem to realize this, but are too slow to act. Waiting doesn't make it any better, or easier.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Expose the affair to everyone. Blow it out of the water.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Here is a short to do list.

1) Move back in with out telling her

2) Implement the 180 The Healing Heart: The 180

3) File for D (you can always back off if she miraculously changes, it HAS happened but the chances are probably close to winning the lottery, just a figure of speech)

4) Get buff, work out, eat like a champ

5) New style, throw out your old clothes after a couple weeks of working out and buy new ones and get a new hair style

6) Work hard at work, at home, stay busy at all times, your idle mind will always want to drift and ponder and stew with what is going on. Stay away from alcohol

7) Surround yourself with friends to cope (hot lady friends are even better) when you need to


Last but definitely NOT least!

8) Always give yourself 30 mins at the end of the day, in the evening, to cool your mind down. Think of everything you want to in those 30 minutes, about what has happened, about what you will do, all the scenarios and options played out in your mind, once time is up, its bed time, no more thinking or pondering UNTIL tomorrow. Put off your worrying and your thinking for the next cool down session to produce a hard, efficient working day and a good enough (as much as you can) night's rest.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

All her actions toward you are to shut up your mouth and allow her the time and space to further broadside you. She is planning her paradise at your expense in time and money, while you are hoping on one wing and a prayer. 

Your turn to head her off at the pass on a psychological level. She wants to play games infront of your very face. By the looks of it, she thinks she is in for the win. Show her how to really play the game via the 180. The less she knows the better. Knowledge is power. Start strategizing. 

Bold-faced, audacious, rude, lacking a moral compass. She isn't fit to be a mother. Reconstruct your reality about who she really is versus who you want her to be. 

So many here and I have been there. I know.


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## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

Spot on .cal


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I feel bad for the son, the poor kid is going to lose his dad cuz of what his mother is doing....very sad!


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> stop talking to her. tell her not to contact you unless about the kid. Ignore her otherwise.


:iagree:


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

She does not deserve to be married to you, and you do not deserve to be treated this way.

This is a very selfish and cruel woman. She wants to "try" other relationships to see if she has feelings for you???

I would divorce her as soon as I could if I were in your shoes.

I'm sorry for your pain my friend. You need a good woman.


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## killeen (Mar 12, 2013)

Hello all,
I have not written in several days due to having different ideas and to be honest I can't even describe the exact feelings that I am having.
Not only is she in an ALL OPEN affair with a coworker. She is also having affairs, I repeat affairs with other men.
These men know that she is married and I have found evidence of them giving her money, buying things for her and just out right inmoral all around. pictures, emails etc.. you name them

I have started to feel different about her. She is not my wife, she is just a woman with whom I had a son.

Funny thing how she feels or have said to me that she DOES NOT LOVE anybody but yet have affairs with them. She has told me how her being open and not hiding anythings makes her feel good. 

I was hesitant to file a divorce for a while despite counseling and advise from everybody. I had NO IDEA how twisted her lifestyle is.

As of tomorrow I will file for divorce GUARANTEED !!! I can't as much as I want to be married to a person that has no morals. how does she sleeps at night?
I am tremendously sad and my tears do come out when I think about my son having to be put on those conditions.

I have put my destiny under the hands of god (NOT IMPOSING ANY RELIGIOUS SIDE ON ANYBODY HERE). I have given up.

I hate failing and my beliefs are to not fail at anything. Marriage to me WAS a forever thing. But I will adjust my view on that

I want to thank everybody here that has taken time of their lifes to helf me cope with this. I only see an username but to me you are all special humans and I wish you the best life. 

I don't think I will write again, I am getting myself ready as much as possible to deal with grief. I have in a sense lost a part of me and it hurts tremendously.

May your life be filled with happiness


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## gbonham77 (Feb 21, 2013)

hey nooby shame on you for not divorcing directly and shame on you who forgives her


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

gbonham77 said:


> hey nooby shame on you for not divorcing directly and shame on you who forgives her


Wow. You're one angry dude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Wow. You're one angry dude.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bitter is the word.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

BjornFree said:


> Bitter is the word.


And with just cause, I think.

Btw, Kileen, sorry to bring this up (if no one else has already) - might be worth a DNA check, so you know for sure if the son is yours or not. Horrible thought, I know.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Killeen. There YOU GO.

Not sorry beta. MAN IN CHARGE.

Make it happen. Mrs Killeen v2.0 is out there in a year or two or three when you are more healed... TAM has made you stronger and you will spot losers sooner.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

weightlifter said:


> Killeen. There YOU GO.
> 
> Not sorry beta. MAN IN CHARGE.
> 
> Make it happen. Mrs Killeen v2.0 is out there in a year or two or three when you are more healed... TAM has made you stronger and you will spot losers sooner.


Yep I agree. Get it done and start trying to look at your future. Have you had any IC yet. I needed help in the worst way and it really helped me with my anger. Get yourself to a Dr. Tell him about your wife, get checked for STD's, get your blood pressure checked, help for eating and sleeping. Take care of your self


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Realize something Killeen. You have taken TWO hits not one.

Your heart hurts. Your ego has also taken massive damage.

File D. Up your social circle and start going to house parties. Start working out which will help you manage your mind at the same time making yourself hotter to women. Then one day at a house party... Some woman is going to give you NO resistance as you chat her up. Go with it. Random poon is superglue for your smashed ego. 

Once your ego is back your heart will follow at a furious pace as that is now the only thing you are fixing.

X time after that you will meet another woman... who has possibilities... Wont hurt if shes younger at hotter btw.


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## chatsworth (Mar 21, 2013)

its easiy said than done.I can fully understand what you are saying and were you are with this.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

killeen said:


> Hello all,
> I have not written in several days due to having different ideas and to be honest I can't even describe the exact feelings that I am having.
> Not only is she in an ALL OPEN affair with a coworker. She is also having affairs, I repeat affairs with other men.
> These men know that she is married and I have found evidence of them giving her money, buying things for her and just out right inmoral all around. pictures, emails etc.. you name them
> ...


Listen up.

This will not sound in any way right but in finding out this 'extra' you have done yourself a massive favor. 
You have saved yourself so much heartache and enduring months of trickle truthing and rugsweeping and blaming you !

Yes this will / does crush you but you have the short cut version here - you now know it's all been lies and the person you have invested your heart with is not the one you thought she was. 

Getting out now is saving you many many more years of heartache.

My stbew was also onto the married men stuff which tells you something even more about them - they have no heart they know they are also party to destroying other families as well as their own, which in no small way makes them evil in some way - time to get rid my friend 

You won't feel it now but you'll be thankful this has all come out on top _now_ rather than two years of slow trickles and years of false reconciliations

Try to think clearly and straight and give her nothing - absolutely nothing. Make her work for everything, anything she is entitled to and protect your son in any way you need to


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

K,

You're on the right path now. That's what counts!

Good luck to you and please feel free to come back here and post when you need some support

Stay strong and know that you're traveling the right path even though the way isn't always clear or always easy


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## Madman1 (Oct 24, 2012)

After she gets the divorce papers in her hand,

expose, expose, expose!!!

To everyone! You will be doing you son the biggest favor in the world.

Get all your evidence together tell everyone about her multiple affairs.
Her family, your family, file a complaint with the company.

Tell the wives of any of her affair partners,
put them on cheaterville.com

Put it out on face book.

call friends

Don't be bashful here, she needs to feel some shame to stop this and be a better mother.

Go through with the divorce don't even consider calling it off, if she comes back and you decide (I think foolishly) you want to work it out tell her you guys can start over after the divorce she needs to feel the consequences.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Killeen don't just take off man. there are plenty people who want to know what is going on with you. And while it may suck will typing it will feel much better to get those emotions and feelings off of your chest.


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## killeen (Mar 12, 2013)

Hello,

I have finally filed for divorce today 22 March, 2013. 
I no longer pay for anything for her. nothing
The only thing that we still have together is the house which even with a divorce the bank will still hold me and her liable for it until it gets sold. 
My lawyer will file a petition so I keep the house but she will pay me rent. I have to give her child support but both will be separate deals.

She will get my child support but turn around and pay me rent for MY house.

She is keeping all the household things and furniture but luckily she will not have access to my savings which is around $30,000. So I dont get to keep TVs, beds etc...but I get to keep MY money.

The one thing that made me bring the "ALPHA" male as WEIGHLIFTER call it was that now I feel kind of sorry for her. She is unable to know what love is. 
if EVER, EVER, EVER I go or even think about going back with her it would be tremendously hard !! She has to be another person.
I am not going to humilliated her, it is not in my nature to treat a woman that way but I will not fall for her again ever. 

Thanks againg for your support and words of encouragment


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

/e adds brass balls stamp to Killeen's man card.

Good job man. Heal up.

Keep us updated. Next step is the random poon my ego is better post.

I meant it when I said Mrs Killeen v 2.0 is out there with the loyalty chip pre installed. It will be a while but tell yourself she IS out there.


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## missmim (Dec 29, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should be going for primary custody, your wife is an unfit mother who will be exposing your son to the many men she is having sex with. This will damage your son emotionally. Think about it she can't love so how you think she feels about your son?

Get him free from her.


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## elizabethdennis (Jan 16, 2013)

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. It seems that she will not gve up her affair for you. So might as well end your relationship with her so both of you can have freedom. You deserve to be happy.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

killeen said:


> Hello,
> 
> I have finally filed for divorce today 22 March, 2013.
> I no longer pay for anything for her. nothing
> ...


Well done my friend 

However, some words of caution now.

This is just the start. Do not treat her with too much respect I understand your point about treating woman etc etc but I can tell you for a fact that somebody like this once they take legal advice will go for the jugular - YOUR jugular. You will see a completely different animal. Get your assets and stuff tied down.

I'm a bit weary that your happy to give up quite a lot of stuff and importantly you have not mentioned kids. This is one area where if you do not do your homework and get good legal representation you will get emotional more fk over with than anything else. 

You need to understand you have stopped a professional cake eater enjoy what they have been doing for years. You have stopped a very rich vein of the gravy train for her and she will be utterly pissed that you finally had the nous, the courage and from her perspective the damn cheek to bring it all crashing down around her ears. Cake eaters entitled cheaters expect to get away with everything - It's what they are used to.

Understand this - she has put her children and you down the list. As someone mentioned there is an element to this whereby they need some protection. Okay you don't want them to not see her she's their mother, but be very aware you could be in a position where you are fighting to see them every other w/end for a few hours.

I can see you already feel you are out the other side of it and are looking to be 'reasonable'. It may work out like that and for your sakes I hope it does but I'm doubtful. 

Get everything nailed down from top to bottom - especially children stuff


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## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

Headspin said:


> Get everything nailed down from top to bottom - especially children stuff


Quoted for importance.

In the peak of my ex's fog she would have signed a kidney over.


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## killeen (Mar 12, 2013)

Hello,

I would like to hear your opinion on the following. Well let me quickly say how things are.

I moved out the house and file for divorce. She is taking complete responsability of the house ( I am no longer liable for it to the bank ). 
My lawyer prepare a paper for her to take over the house and the bank accepted knowing that we are in the process of divorce.

I dont take it as a loss since it wont affect my credit whether she pays or not. Now this is the dilemma that I have concerning my son.

She is not having a "rebound" relationship with another man. she has a 6 months relationship with another man. The only difference is that now is not a secret and is in the open like nothing. That other guy is not married so there is really no other affected other than me being the last one to find out.

I have accepted the separation and are slowly moving on with my life.
The problem that I have right now is that I DONT WANT TO SEE HER OR EVEN SPEAK TO HER but we have a kid so that is very hard to do.

I was thinking about moving to another city. How do I balance my need to be apart from this woman and being able to see my son ??

for example, this weekend I get my son until Sunday which is great. She is of course spending the weekend away with that other man and not at the house. I picked my son this friday BUT forget to get enough clothes for him so I called her to see if she was still home.
( She does not want our son to see her leave the house )
AND THEN she told me that there is another car in the garage !!! 
The car of another man in the garage and we are just starting the divorce !!!

I am working with a counselor on my issues with this whole divorce deal. So I am working on improving my life in all aspects. I want to make something positive out of this. 

Obviously she has moved on and she kinda has 6 months ahead of me on this separation thing.

What can I do so I dont see her at all??? It really bothers me and kinda hurt when I see her because she acts SO CASUAL about everything. She can be talking to him in front of me when I drop off my son. She receives and sends texts when I am there for a short moment. She is into this relationship and this whole getting divorce or me moving out is just not in her mind AT ALL.

What advice can you give me? 
I dont want to see her for now but I need to see my son sometimes
Do I move to a city not so far away so I can see my son on weekends only and just to pick him up? 
Do I make a plan to have her meet me at another place to get my son? and also to give him back to her
because I am close to them, she is always asking me to take care of him while she works. The problem is that I can take care of him because it does not affect my job or anything else. So saying no would be a lie. Can a be necessary to lie to her and say that I am unable due to x reason?
How do I avoid seeing things at the house? or learn how to not let them bother me


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

You can arrange for a intermediary to handle the hand-offs. Is there a family services unit on your post? There should be. Go see them and see if someone there can volunteer to be an intermediary. She drops off and picks up your son on post and you do the same. 

The family services unit is experienced with such situations and are more than qualified to handle this.You're still active duty no? 

If you have family near by (probably not?) they could perform this service for you.


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## killeen (Mar 12, 2013)

I am not in the military anymore. I retired last month


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

killeen said:


> I am not in the military anymore. I retired last month


20 years with pension?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Phuck your STBXW wife, spend as much time as you can with your kid.......

Sir your kids mother is not fit to raise this child so no matter how painful it is and what emotional torture you have to go thru......I have a sense that your old lady has little to no concern for your kid.

So use this opportunity to bond with your kid.

This has nothing to do with this women and what courts have to say its about a strong focus on your child.

Simply put...your chick is not into you and not into your kid and she won't know the difference between anything. This is about your kid and manipulating your STBXW in spending more time with the kid.

Your kids mom is whacked and it time to step up as a father....please stop focusing on a women that doesn't give a sh1t !

What I mean is it sound like she is so messed up you could drop off your kid in the morning and pick the kid up in the evening and tell your STBXW that its been days since you had visitation and STBXW would believe it...

You know what I mean?

Ya I know I sound crazy put I have a sense you are still way to much focused on this POS women and not on your kid.
I mean phuck her , who cares, she ain't gonna change, and her crap will infect your kid, so step up!
Thats My $0.02


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Why in the hell are you letting this women define you as a individual and as a father?


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## killeen (Mar 12, 2013)

Part of the divorce is that she wont touch my retirement.
I am telling you, this woman does not care about anything right now. She is like posessed with this relationship. 

She is so involve that I can have my son anytime I want. Sundays I used to take him back around 6 PM and then one sunday I said 9 PM and she said yes like nothing. She saw it as having 3 extra hours with the other man. 

You are right "THE GUY". I am dedicating myself to be the father that I am supposed to be.

I was asking if someone has gone through this of having to see their ex or their cheating wife because of visiting the kids. 
As much as I stop caring, it is kinda new feeling to see another man's possesions in what used to be my house. 
This was the place where I spend time with the family.

She does not give a S**T about me and I know this. I am learning how to also not give a S**T about her. 

I just dont want to see her at all while she is so casual and acts like being open about an affairs somehow makes it ok.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The way I see it is its still your place so start marking you territory by pissing on the OM things.

Ya I'm wired different then most but my thinking is until the divorce whats mine is mine and if some one leaves their stuff in my space I can do what i want.

What exactly would the charges be for urinating on someone else property in your home?

if I'm not mistaken , you might have every right to be in that home no mater if your wife is home or not, and you may have every right to " re arrange" the content of this properly as you see fit.


Maybe it wasn;t even you maybe it was a house Nome that took pink magic marker to OM cloths or put hot sauce in his mouth wash.

Ya I know unhealthy behaviors on my part, but in the end you have to see that its not about you and your wife any more its about being a father for your kid....and that in its self can be a obstacle for the OM...if you get my drift.

do you see that being there for you kid is what makes this so much fun...its not about your wife... it about hanging out with you kid. hell getting along with your wife in front of OM might be the best part.

Don;t work against it but work with it and c0ck block that POS.

infiltrait and screw with their relationship, become best friends with OM and mess with them.


My thinking is if your old lady can throw this in front of your face then find the strength to throw it back by getting more involved and being the OM best friend, hang out, take him drinking, be his best friend...

crazy sh1t, but thats what happens when you think out side the box.

hell I remember one thread were the betrayed husband became friends with the OM parents and started interacting with the OM family. It drove the OM nuts and broke up the affair. Even after WW got the OM name tatooed on her


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

killeen said:


> She does not give a S**T about me and I know this. I am learning how to also not give a S**T about her.
> I just dont want to see her at all while she is so casual and acts like being open about an affairs somehow makes it ok.


It takes time but mainly it will stop hurting the moment you start giving S**T about other things more then your wife and her life. 
So help yourself, spend as much time with you kid and really give sh1y if she uses it to spend time with OM but living your own life better.
You have your kid, your retirement, a new job, a new life. The possibilities are endless. You can even find a woman worthy of your love.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

What you're getting is an eye opener, fortunately for you this is a cold dose of reality which has opened your eyes to who your wife really is now.

Does she give a f**k about you? Not at the moment, life is sweet for her, there are no problems OM is a fantasy figure. 

Do what you have to do..your reality is now, you're living it, you've reconciled in yourself the realities of divorce and how it will affect you in the future..all she's thinking about is once she's divorced she'll be free to be with OM, free to have this glowing future..that's not reality.

Reality is they may break up, or he may reveal his true colors, and not be the glowy fantasy man she thinks he is. Her reality is not rooted in being alone, her reality is invested in him.

Stay on the track you're on, as hard as it is, you'll come out better in the long run


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

One thing is for sure tho, her wake up moment (if it ever happens) will be a sight for the eyes.

Let us not forget the stages of fog revealed in this thread.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Thank you for your service. I know you are in a rough place, but actually she is giving you a gift. This is not out of benevolence, but because she is in a fog. You need to seize the day. Get the divorce as quickly as you can as amicably as possible so that she does not touch your retirement and favorable visitation. The fact is the women that YOU knew and loved is gone. There is now just this promiscuous creature that physically resembles her. Don't be mean or vindictive, nor do you need to be overly friendly. You need to me amicable for your son. You are not friends, buddies or pals. Friends don't do the things she did to you. Don't answer any questions that does not involve legal, financial or your son. Only give her information on a need to know basis. You are not a sounding board, shoulder to cry on, nothing. She is your son's mother...period.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Does infidelity even matter in TX. If not and she is agreeable, try to use a mediator for the settlement and push this thru as fast as possible. 

Killeen, know most of us hate being right almost all the time. Tough love is often necessary to wake a bs up. Btw if you we're the one I offended about taking the man card. ( That post was removed and i got a warning) Sorry. I'm as subtle as a 10 megaton nuke.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

I don't think infidelity matters in Texas. It didn't when I got divorced in 2003 at least.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

So get everything on paper and get it done ASAP before fog lifts.


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## killeen (Mar 12, 2013)

Hello,
The possibilities are endless, you are right "ACABADO". I am really learning about myself more than anything else. 

"BOBSIMMONS", It is an eye-opener for sure. I had an idea of who she was but I was wrong. 
I know this woman so much that I know that she will hit a brick wall when she realized what has been lost. Forget about me but think about all those family times gone or all those things that money can't buy. 
She can get all the "expensive' nice material things because of other men giving her money but happiness is priceless. I dont wish her bad relationships but we HAD something special. And I said "HAD" because there is nothing anymore.

"VFW" I am not going to be mean, is not in my nature. But at the same time those "NICE GUY" times are gone, wayyy gone. 

"WEIGHLIFTER" I did not get offended at all. I have a very tuff skin and I dont mind or care when others say things how they are. If I am an ID***T, call me an ID***T because I will recognize it and improve myself to stop being like that or something else. 

In the great state of Texas, cheating does not matter at all. They just tell you to file for divorce and move on with life. 

Thanks for taking a minute and write to my ongoing battle here. I dont know if I am winning or she is winning, it just feels sad sometimes to know that much has been lost. But I do get to spend time with my son much, much more now.
I had him the whole entire weekend and spending friday and saturday night with my son was priceless to me. On Sunday we went egg hunting after church and it was great to share that time with my son. she didn't !!

Have a bless day and THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!!!!!!


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

No one is winning or will win. VFW gave great advice, heed it. Your wife in her crazy fog has given you a few gifts if you seize them. But you must act, time is running short.

1- Your son. He is the most important thing in your life, bar none. Ask to see him all the time. In fact, offer to help her see more of her man, you can keep him full time if needed. This will mean so much to your boy who needs help during this transition. And document everything she says and how often you have him. Use this to try to get primary custody. Then you see him more and she pays you child support.
2- The Divorce. Again if she is so preoccupied by the new guy, take what you can in the divorce and get it done quick. She will wake up soon enough so time is limited on this awesome window of opportunity. Start taking stuff from the house as you visit.
3- The pain. Many of us go through your pain over months or years only to end up in the same place. Your wife has chosen to hit you all at once. But the truth is it is better to rip off the bandaid. Sure, it hurts like hell now, but in a year you will be so much further along. She has left no doubt in your heart and hers what direction to go and sometimes the doubt is the worst part. Try to take the long term viewpoint and again know that this too shall pass and you have already made steps to make yourself a better man for you and your son.

Well Done and Good Luck!

I see you are a Christian. What a great time to be one. It is Easter Season, time of renewal and rebirth. Draw strength from your faith.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Can a HOT girlfriend pick up your son or is that against the rules?

Don't worry about seeing her, you will only feel stronger and, better and, recover over time.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

If he can run over her using her fog.

GO FOR IT!

This game is for keeps.


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## livinfree (Sep 7, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> If he can run over her using her fog.
> 
> GO FOR IT!
> 
> This game is for keeps.


Ditto. You are the survivor parent, she walked out on you both.

This is for your son, *not* to stick it to her. Shift the tide, she will be seen as an abandoning mother.

I just went through this, the pain goes away and opportunities will open up. Yes, that's me and my happy face in my avatar. It does get better, WAY better, and you will BE the man for it.

Weightlifter and I are giving you the straight dope. Other members can be lofty and long winded (and some offended) but this is the concise truth and reality.


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## Trojan John (Sep 30, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

killeen said:


> "VFW" I am not going to be mean, is not in my nature. But at the same time those "NICE GUY" times are gone, wayyy gone."


I hear that, you are tracking now. Keep up the good work.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Killeen. If you are still here. Head on over to general board. Poster tukfo. I need advice. Wife wants a break. Fellow military member probably being cheated on... You know the drill. You perspective would probably hold a lot to him.


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