# I need help !!!!!!



## Brend2022 (Dec 3, 2020)

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## Naturalover (Dec 3, 2020)

For starters if you do get a divorce I’m sure the judge would award you half of not more for the work you did to get him where he is.. if he is going to leave you than it may be time to move on and get a divorce... you will be surprised how many men will want you. I know the feeling of not having family or friends and not having sex. You have to find yourself and what you like and want to do and most likely, there is where you will find someone.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Yeah, if your H thinks he's going to get ALL the money and leave you behind, he's got another thing coming.
Get a shark lawyer, also try to take 1/2 of the money out of your accounts and put it into an account with ONLY your name.
Please stick around here -- there are many that can help you out and have been through what you are dealing with.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

First order of business. Move the money to an account you control. Then talk to a lawyer. Your husband is in for a surprise.


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## Brend2022 (Dec 3, 2020)

My husband has said he moved all the money to an online account that’s located in another country and he never gave me the account information or passwords and don’t even know the name of the online bank . I am not sure what I did wrong but I really tried and in many situations asked him to go to marriage therapy with me and he always told me no that his concerns were making money and now I am just heartbroken because I am sick and he is healthy and is making so many plans for himself. I got nothing under my name and this guy is pretty much going to be a millionaire


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

If he did this, it's illegal. You need to get a lawyer RIGHT AWAY and also have him get a forensic accountant to track down the money where he put it.
Is there any way you can find any documentation he may have around the house that has this financial information? Try to find any/all financial documentation -- your lawyer will want it (even if it's old account balances that show how much was in the accounts before he stole the money -- which is EXACTLY what he did.

BTW, don't trust him that he SAID he moved it -- check your accounts and verify it. IF it is still there, take 1/2 out NOW.

YOU did nothing wrong -- HE is a bad person who is heartless and amoral.
HE is doing wrong -- NOT you. You loved him and trusted him -- not your fault.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Brend2022 said:


> My husband has said he moved all the money to an online account that’s located in another country and he never gave me the account information or passwords and don’t even know the name of the online bank . I am not sure what I did wrong but I really tried and in many situations asked him to go to marriage therapy with me and he always told me no that his concerns were making money and now I am just heartbroken because I am sick and he is healthy and is making so many plans for himself. I got nothing under my name and this guy is pretty much going to be a millionaire


Neither of you should be moving money around to deprive the other. That will not look good in any dispute resolution forum. It is another matter to take measures to ensure you have access to necessary funds while this gets sorted out and to pay a lawyer. That is legit. Get a recommendation for a good and competent lawyer. If you have any friends or acquaintances who are good and competent lawyers or any friends who have friends or acquaintances who are good and competent lawyers, ask for their recommendations. Do not just go with someone whose name you saw in the phone book, on a bus, on TV, or on the internet. There are plenty of good and competent lawyers around, but the stakes are too high to roll the dice. Get a trusted referral. Ideally, get about 3. From people who are familiar with the legal community in your area. You will be fine in good hands. There are also peer and client review resources you can consult, like Martindale Hubbell, Best Lawyers in America, and Chambers. Those are good and reliable. Warning, there are also a lot of lawyer review or lawyer ranking sites that are essentially paid advertising and self-promotion. The 3 names I gave you are reliable. Not all good or even great lawyers are listed in Best Lawyers and Chambers (so don't hold it against anyone for not being listed in those directories), but if they are in there, it is a pretty reliable indication they are legit. Your best resource though is always people in or familiar with the legal community in your area. It sure sounds like you need a good lawyer who can (i) put your mind at ease on some of these concerns and (ii) help you protect yourself. Get a good lawyer and then follow his or her advice on next steps. If you cannot come up with a reliable lead on lawyers through people you know, you can try the State Bar Association in your State for their lawyer referral service.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Naturalover said:


> For starters if you do get a divorce I’m sure the judge would award you half of not more for the work you did to get him where he is.. if he is going to leave you than it may be time to move on and get a divorce... you will be surprised how many men will want you. I know the feeling of not having family or friends and not having sex. You have to find yourself and what you like and want to do and most likely, there is where you will find someone.





Brend2022 said:


> My husband has said he moved all the money to an online account that’s located in another country and he never gave me the account information or passwords and don’t even know the name of the online bank . I am not sure what I did wrong but I really tried and in many situations asked him to go to marriage therapy with me and he always told me no that his concerns were making money and now I am just heartbroken because I am sick and he is healthy and is making so many plans for himself. I got nothing under my name and this guy is pretty much going to be a millionaire


get a hold of a lawyer and have them get a forensic financial accountant asap. you can only hide 0's and 1's in so many places..


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## Brend2022 (Dec 3, 2020)

Wow 😳 thank you for so much feedback and support you all because I don’t have any friends or anyone I can just sit and vent to and am thankful I found this website. I will look into all the suggestions and lawyers on you all gave me because I really need to. This is a very small portion of all the things he has put me through and me been so not confident and nice and patient is what now has led me to this . I don’t know you all personally but thank you for your support


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## beautifulauthenticself (Nov 2, 2020)

Brend2022 said:


> *I been married for 13 years and have no children . I helped my husband save so much money by working non stop so he can invest all that money and now that he is going to become very wealthy and I have gotten sick from all the stress of my job and never spending one dime out of all the money I made he tells me he is now going to go travel and leave me behind and he will go out and have friends that I won’t be a part of. I have a sexless marriage I don’t even remember when was even the last time we were together in that way. My husband says and has always said his mind is always on making so much money that now that he don’t think sex or having children is important.I thought about asking him for a divorce and just leaving but am not sure what to do ?? I have no friends to talk to and my family has left me for many years now I got no one to vent to or talk to for advice.*


Get a lawyer ASAP! *People change a lot especially when money is involved.*
Also, do you wish to have children? Before you got married to him did you discuss having children or was this something you thought he would be on the same page with you once married? There's no point staying if you're no longer on the same page.


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## jin (Sep 9, 2014)

Wow that is horrible. As others suggested get a lawyer ASAP. 

How did he transfer the money out without you knowing? You were not a cosignatory? 

Talk to your bank that the money was transferred from and find out if the transfer can be reversed or at least where it was sent assuming you


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## Brend2022 (Dec 3, 2020)

Hello,
My husband has never given me any access or information on the bank accounts we have had and at first we had joint accounts that I knew but then he took me off the joint account and only put his name under the banks. In the 13 years I never knew or have even logged into the bank accounts that we have had and don’t even know security questions or passwords to any of them let alone know the names of the banks because he said it’s not on a local bank anymore like we used to have it now it’s all online.I am scared and sad he has gone this far all so that if we ever divorce I have no way to fight him for anything. He and I never had children I wanted to have one but he told me all the time that he didn’t think it was the right time to have them because he needed to be successful and financially stable and now that the time is right he says he is not sure. We are not sexually active in many years it’s been basically a roommate /friend relationship and all because he said he didn’t feel confident in himself or that he was more concerned about financial stability so there’s nothing there.


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## Brend2022 (Dec 3, 2020)

*he was my first husband and first boyfriend and never been married or been in other relationships because I grew up with very strict family and I thought he was a good man but now I am finding out he wasn’t . 😒😒😒😢😢😢*


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Brend2022 said:


> Hello,
> My husband has never given me any access or information on the bank accounts we have had and at first we had joint accounts that I knew but then he took me off the joint account and only put his name under the banks. In the 13 years I never knew or have even logged into the bank accounts that we have had and don’t even know security questions or passwords to any of them let alone know the names of the banks because he said it’s not on a local bank anymore like we used to have it now it’s all online.I am scared and sad he has gone this far all so that if we ever divorce I have no way to fight him for anything. He and I never had children I wanted to have one but he told me all the time that he didn’t think it was the right time to have them because he needed to be successful and financially stable and now that the time is right he says he is not sure. We are not sexually active in many years it’s been basically a roommate /friend relationship and all because he said he didn’t feel confident in himself or that he was more concerned about financial stability so there’s nothing there.


Ok first of all, you have to quit thinking you have no way to deal with this. As everyone said, a lawyer and a forensic accountant can fix this problem REAL quick. If you are legally married, he cannot take allllll the money that was earned in 13 years and funnel it to Timbuktu and just get away with it. That’s not gonna happen if you don’t let it. Why would you think that COULD happen... because he told you so? 

Secondly... you need some counseling and you need it quick. This man told you to work your ass off for over a decade, didn’t let you spend any money, gave you zero access to your own money or banking, and you just accepted it. This is abusive. Legit abuse. Did his behavior strike you as normal and healthy? And you actually think he has millions of dollars plowed away somewhere... if that’s true, then you’re going to be a millionaire too when you get a lawyer. GET ONE YESTERDAY. 

Get mad! Get indignant, get crazy pissed off, just DO SOMETHING! Instead of panic and feeling sad and confused get MAD and sic all kinds of lawyers on him. Have an accountant look into the tax filings, have people find the money and have a lawyer freeze all his accounts until you go to court. Why aren’t you p!ssed off yet?!?!? Sic him!


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Brend2022 said:


> *he was my first husband and first boyfriend and never been married or been in other relationships because I grew up with very strict family and I thought he was a good man but now I am finding out he wasn’t . 😒😒😒😢😢😢*


You need this emoji right now 😡😡🤬

When you are a divorced person with your money back you can cry about him being an a-hole. In the mean time, get mad and do what needs to be done.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Brend2022 said:


> My husband has said he moved all the money to an online account that’s located in another country and he never gave me the account information or passwords and don’t even know the name of the online bank . I am not sure what I did wrong but I really tried and in many situations asked him to go to marriage therapy with me and he always told me no that his concerns were making money and now I am just heartbroken because I am sick and he is healthy and is making so many plans for himself. I got nothing under my name and this guy is pretty much going to be a millionaire


Get a tough lawyer now, this is illegal what he is doing. Get a forensic accountant also to trace the money. Stop giving him the money your earn and put it in a separate account. Dont fight with him but go into stealth mode, when is not at home, go through the house looking for documents. take copies of everything you can find, it might come in useful. Start recording your conversations also using your smart phone.
How old are both of you and in which country do you live. He sounds abusive.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Brend2022 said:


> Wow 😳 thank you for so much feedback and support you all because I don’t have any friends or anyone I can just sit and vent to and am thankful I found this website. I will look into all the suggestions and lawyers on you all gave me because I really need to. This is a very small portion of all the things he has put me through and me been so not confident and nice and patient is what now has led me to this . I don’t know you all personally but thank you for your support


Why don't you have any family or friends? Did he chase them off? Stand up for youself, you have been a doormat long enough.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

aine said:


> He sounds abusive.


This is correct. He is abusive. Preventing you from having children is horrific. 

If he thinks you have "no way to fight", he is terribly mistaken. When you take your case to court, he will be pulverized. You will probably get awarded your house and 50% of those assets, and continuing spousal support for a long time.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What an awful cruel selfish man. Make sure that any future earnings of yours go into an account that is yours. Open one now and tell your work to start paying it into the new account from now.
As others have said please find a really good lawyer and see what you can do next. Is the house in his name as well?


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Brend2022 said:


> *I been married for 13 years and have no children . I helped my husband save so much money by working non stop so he can invest all that money and now that he is going to become very wealthy and I have gotten sick from all the stress of my job and never spending one dime out of all the money I made he tells me he is now going to go travel and leave me behind and he will go out and have friends that I won’t be a part of. I have a sexless marriage I don’t even remember when was even the last time we were together in that way. My husband says and has always said his mind is always on making so much money that now that he don’t think sex or having children is important.I thought about asking him for a divorce and just leaving but am not sure what to do ?? I have no friends to talk to and my family has left me for many years now I got no one to vent to or talk to for advice.*


Divorce and take half of the money. Find another that will love and respect you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Brend2022 said:


> Hello,
> My husband has never given me any access or information on the bank accounts we have had and at first we had joint accounts that I knew but then he took me off the joint account and only put his name under the banks. In the 13 years I never knew or have even logged into the bank accounts that we have had and don’t even know security questions or passwords to any of them let alone know the names of the banks because he said it’s not on a local bank anymore like we used to have it now it’s all online.I am scared and sad he has gone this far all so that if we ever divorce I have no way to fight him for anything. He and I never had children I wanted to have one but he told me all the time that he didn’t think it was the right time to have them because he needed to be successful and financially stable and now that the time is right he says he is not sure. We are not sexually active in many years it’s been basically a roommate /friend relationship and all because he said he didn’t feel confident in himself or that he was more concerned about financial stability so there’s nothing there.


you need to get a hold of all tax returns for the past several years as part of this...if he is hiding money the government would only be too happy to go after him and because your name are not on the accounts they will go after him..


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Brend2022 said:


> I am scared and sad he has gone this far all so that if we ever divorce I have no way to fight him for anything.


We all know you are scared -- the unknown is a scary thing to deal with. GET at lawyer -- they will give you the information you need to STOP being afraid -- you will KNOW and have a plan.
YOU do not need to fight him at all -- that is what the lawyer is for.
They will help you take care of this, help you plan, help you understand what can/cannot happen, etc..
THEY can help you get the forensic accountant on the case. THEY can help you track him down if required.THEY can help you if the authorities have to get involved. Understand that all of this is NOT on you -- they are there to help YOU get your divorce figured out and make sure that you get the funds, etc. that you are entitled to.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Since he's spending your money without you, I think that is a very good reason to file divorce papers because it will freeze your assets from him continuing that. How inconsiderate! I'm afraid he's just been using you for money. It must be very hurtful. See a family law attorney and get your assets back, what you brought into the marriage and whatever else you're entitled to. Get your records together from deposits to the bank, investments, etc and take those with you to the attorney (don't pay the attorney to get those and save a little money that way). 

He doesn't care about you, is probably cheating on you, and is spending your money. You can surely do better!!


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I would do some research. No need to get his feathers all up-- stay calm. And snoop when you can or get all your ducks in a row... Keep tabs on accounts and how much is in there-- make copies if you would like. Then when you think you have all this info.. Go visit a lawyer for a free consultation. I'm not getting a divorce but I like to keep tabs on what he is doing with our money.. Right now, I can't find our 401K statements-- they have always been in the same spot and I do have a copy of one but still it's bothersome that it's not there. He doesn't like Biden so I'm wondering if he moved the $$$.. There is also something with Fidelity too that I'll have to investigate. I usually don't question these things unless he is super relaxed and having a good day then I act stupid to get the real truth out. He likes to be in control of all the financial stuff so I pretend to not know a thing.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Sounds more like an actual con man rather than a marriage going bad. 

Get a lawyer ASAP and don’t be surprised if he advises contacting police.


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