# Emotional Infidelity



## kitt73 (Sep 12, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for 10 months now. We’ve had quite a few problems since we married. He works a full-time job as do I and he is also a songwriter and is a member of 2 bands. He writes with some very well-known artists and this takes up a lot of his free time. 
I’ve confronted him on several occasions about how I feel left out of his life and that our marriage was in trouble. He is married to his music instead of his wife. Since we married, our sex life is pretty much non-existent. Going 2 to 3 months at a time without sex has been pure torture. Of course, he always says things will change. He tells me every day how much he loves me, but words mean nothing when he can’t show his love for me. 
My health was going downhill. I started suffering severe anxiety and panic attacks, which led to depression which in turn led to me not being able to leave my house. I had to ask my son to come live with me for a while because I felt I could not be left alone, my panic was that severe. Currently, I am on 2 different medications for both the depression and anxiety/panic. My husband doesn’t understand any of it and is not supportive. I’m the type of woman, if my home life is not in balance, it affects every aspect of my life…cause and effect as I like to put it. 
As a woman, I had an intuition that something with my husband just wasn’t right. One night while he was sleeping, I took his phone (which is in my name and I pay for it) and got on his Facebook. He had been talking with 6 different women, flirting, making plans (with each of them) to move in with them. He bashed me all over the place, saying I was crazy and psycho. Said he wasn’t attracted to me anymore and didn’t love me as well. The messages were very explicit and started not even 3 months after we were married. He told them how he wished he was there making love to them and how much he loved each of them…etc. He had also been exchanging text messages and phone calls to these women as well from what I found. I was devastated! I only got to the 6th woman because he woke up and came downstairs and asked for his phone….I know there was more. I refused to give him his phone back and called him every name in the book and to get the hell out of my house. He acted like it was no big deal and he refused to leave and was going to call the police to get his phone back…told him go right ahead, it’s in my name. 
I stayed at my sisters house for a few days because I couldn’t stand the sight of him…of course I ended up missing him. You can’t stop loving someone in 3 days. I came home and we had a very long talk and he promised me that he learned his lesson and that I was the only woman for him and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing me. He said he never slept with anyone but I told him you emotionally cheated on me…you might as well had screwed these home wreckers. He said he would give me all the passwords to his email accounts, Facebook and I could look at his phone anytime I wanted to. I told him I didn’t trust him anymore and that if he wanted to truly make an effort to save our marriage, we needed counseling. He agreed to all of my terms.
It’s been a little over a week since all of this has happened. I don’t have passwords, he hides his phone and now says we don’t need counseling. I’ve caught him in 2 lies already pertaining to these women. Bottom line, I DON’T TRUST HIM! I love him, but at this point, I don’t feel I can get past what he has done…he has broken my heart. The things he wrote these women are forever burnt into my mind. He doesn’t want to talk about it but yet he wants to move forward with our marriage…I really don’t think I can. 

I find myself today going back through the phone bill and looking at all the calls texts he made to these women. I'm only hurting myself by doing this but can't help it at the same time.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

First, you knew his "addiction" to his work before you married him. You should have thought more about this before you jumped in.

Second, you have only been married ten months and this crap has already started.

Third, why do you love him? What is it that he brings to you that fulfills you? What long term positive behavior has he exhibited that warrants your love?

Fourth, the very fact he refuses to be transparent (passwords, phone access, etc.) and has now refused to go to counseling gives you the answer you don't want to hear...he is still going to have his affairs and they will, eventually, become physical and you will be all the worse for it.

Fifth, why are you fooking around with him? Why don't you grab your life by the balls and run with it?


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

If the phone is in your name,,, have it shut off with your phone plan.


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## faithfulspouse (Jul 28, 2012)

He talked the talk but he didn't walk the walk. He is not willing to do the work on your marriage. 

You need to decide what you want and what is best for you and go from there. 

I'm sorry you find yourself here.

x


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

THREE months into the marriage and he's cheating?! Wow, there goes the honeymoon period. 

If you want to stay with him, tell him to take a lie detector test. See his reaction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitt73 (Sep 12, 2012)

I was fully aware of his music when I met him. I would say about a month after we were married is when his music became more important that our marriage. 

I shut his phone off the next day...that pissed him off.

Everything is in my name, the condo, utilities etc. My SUV is in my name only and we don't have a joint checking account (my choice). I've never needed a man for money, I have my own..only wanted a man for love.

I am writing a list of demands tonight that I need if he wants to try and save our marriage. However, I think I already know the outcome.

At this point...I want to rip his d**k off and super glue it to his forehead.....


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## betterme (Jan 23, 2013)

we both have same situation!.a month after we get married to my super cheater H i found out that he cheated on me..he forgot to log out his facebook account, so when i got home and waiting for him for our dinner,(we're both working) while waiting for him i used to use our comp.but then i was shocked with all the messages on his account with that home wrecker b***..i was pregnant that time.. when he came home he saw me crying in our room and asked me why im crying...i told him you forgot to log out to your account!and he started telling me "i'm sorry i wont do it again..i love u!and your my only love..she's just my patient..its just for the money!so after that, i forgave him because i love him and i dont want to lose him..i thought that was the last..but then, its not!after i give birth to my daughter, almost two weeks then i caught him cheating again with different woman..i forgave him again..but the year 2012 was a horrible year for me, i gave him more chances to change but it was not!he continue cheating and cheating..i don't deserved to treat me like an idiot,cooked food for him, preparing the cloths that he wear, i gave all the things that he wants,etc...etc...(in short i tried to become a perfect wife for him)for him its like nothing,he's just enjoying flirting with other girl..so i decided to leave him with my daughter..we are now 7 months separated..the pain will still remain but i need to accept that he's not the man i don't deserve..i love him so much but i also love my self...i have my daughter with me and it is so very heartwarming and relaxing that every time my daughter saw me crying she always told me.."mommy, don't cry,im still here..i wont leave you.i will be yours forever..your baby loves you so much!..she's my strength and my everything..she's the reason why im still here in this world and breathing and still fighting for this kind of life..


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

kitt73 said:


> It’s been a little over a week since all of this has happened. I don’t have passwords, he hides his phone and now says we don’t need counseling. I’ve caught him in 2 lies already pertaining to these women.


That speackes for humself. He won't change. Ever. This is a window to your future.

Do what you need to be done. Use the head instead the heart.
Dump him. Yesterday.
Detach, lawyer up, file. Move on.

You deserve way better, she's using you.


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