# New member



## Punkin (Nov 3, 2019)

Hi everyone! I am a 38 year old wife and mother of 3. I'm excited to talk to you guys and get real advice


----------



## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Hi Punkin. If you tell us why you are here, you can get the conversation going. If you stick around, the mods will move your thread to the appropriate place without you having to start a new thread.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Punkin said:


> Hi everyone! I am a 38 year old wife and mother of 3. I'm excited to talk to you guys and get real advice


*Welcome to the TAM Family! Glad to have you with us! You'll find a lot of great people here!*


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Welcome to TAM.


----------



## Punkin (Nov 3, 2019)

Thank you everyone! So the reason why I am here is just to have a place to vent and get advice on different topics like for instance I'm feeling a little lost i my marriage. 

Ok let me give you a little background. I have been with my husband for 13 years but we have only been married for 16 months.

I have 3 children well two are legally grown 20 and 18 and one that's 14. I actually my husband a few weeks after my divorce from my children's father. 

Fast forward my husband and I are total opposites but somehow we made it work. We use to have a lot of arguments but we figured out how to communicate better and our relationship got better. My husband can be as ass sometimes. He isnt abusive or anything its just he feels like his way of thinking on certain topics is the only way of thinking. Now we had an incident last Tues. 

So a few weeks ago he told my son to start taking the recycling garbage can to the curb with the regular can. I had previously told him he only had to take it out when it's full cause its usually one or two things in it. 

My son told me that when he told him what I told him to do he told he dont care what I said what did he say to do. Now when my son told me that I got upset because he basically told my son not to listen to me like he overrides me. So I told my son to not pull it unless it's full. 

So last Tues my husband comes in from work and tells my son he is going to take his game and phone away and my son doesnt know why. 

My husband says to him what did he tell him about the garbage can and my son told him that I told him he didn't have to take it unless it was full so my husband asked me if I told him that and I told him I did.

He told my son to listen to what I say and then told me he gone stop saying stuff and he needs to get out of here cause he tired of living like this and he tired of having the same conversation. 

Now what I should have mentioned is my husband is kind of a neat freak but he doesn't clean anything in our home except his man cave. He expects me and the kids to clean the house. 

So ever since that happened he's been different hasn't really said 2 words to me the only time we talk is if I talk to him. So I guess Im just looking for advice I sometimes tend to overreact
Thanks for listening


----------



## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I see you overriding his authority, as the man of the house. And because of this is why the neat freak isn't or doesn't apply. And it probably be best for you two to split, because of his desire to be the man of the house. 

But because you may have had to do this in your other marriage, it doesn't work for this marriage. You believe because your new husband is not your sons bio father, it doesn't apply. Wrong! But because he has ask so little from your son, to take trash to the curb. 

Your new husband's attempt, at his belief what he needs to do to be the dad, and you are just squashing his pride. And once this behavior becomes a pattern, is just the reason it won't survive. 

Asking a kid to take trash out is not a punishment, but life lessons that must be performed. And because you supercede it lowers your husband's value not just to him but your son. 

You need to rectify this, or if you feel strongly on your methods only. Then it is time to leave and raise your son as you want. Because you feel you have the full authority and to your H, he doesn't see it this way.

Some men feel the need to be an authority figure, I am one of these type of men. But because you are a strong willed independent woman is why you are facing this as a single woman challenged instead of a couple. 

If you can come to a new understanding apologize to your H, and let him be what he needs to be, in charge of little things such as these. He knows he's not the bio dad but his desire to help your raise your son to manhood, was his choice when he married you. Is it yours?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You put your son in the middle of a power play between you and your husband - not fair. Both you and your husband need to agree on what expectations you have for your children so all know the ground rules.

Stop disrespecting each other.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

A recycling box is the hill you decided to make your last stand on?

That seems awkward to me.


----------



## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

I understand your husband is somewhat anal.
I understand that you probably have been dying to take a swipe at him.
However, you have just undermined his right to set standards for and discipline his own child. You have also set a precedent that if Junior doesn't like what you tell him to do, he can just go running to Dad to overrule you.
Parenting should be a united front. Differences should be settled behind closed doors.
If you have a problem with your husband, you work it out between the two of you, get professional help,or go your separate ways.
Husband should be and has every right to be pissed. I know that I would be if my wife pulled that on me. That goes both ways. If I did that to my wife, I would expect and rightfully deserve blowback.
As has been mentioned, you create a tempest over a RECYCLING BIN? Jeesh!
What is it going to hurt for the kid to take it to the curb? He could probably use the fresh air.


----------



## Punkin (Nov 3, 2019)

I read each one of your post s and I appreciate your advice and after reading them you guys are right . I am wrong. I wasn't trying to make him feel like he's not the man of the house. Your right I am a strong willed independent woman and I let my ego get in the way. Hopefully I can fix it. Thank you all


----------

