# I have no friends and feel really alone



## rocknrolla (Jun 14, 2015)

I was in a relationship/marriage for almost 7 years and made the mistake of never really making friends. On saying that, i am not particularly outgoing and i am very shy until i get to know people. I also have very little self confidence and i feel like people pick up on this.

I started a group on Facebook for a specific interest of mine to try and meet people. I have tried to arrange some things but not many people come. Sometimes, people have made plans to only later bail. Every time this happens i feel like it is a hit to my self esteem. 

Whenever someone does want to hang out i will drive down to the city to see them as most of them live there and i live in the suburbs. A guy in my group contacted me last night asking if i was out. I said i was at home and he said i should come out. As i live about 40 mins from the city and it was 11, i said it was a bit late but maybe we could do something today. He said that sounded good and he would drive up to see me if i wanted.

I messaged him this morning asking if he still wanted to do something and he read it but never responded. Maybe i come across too desperate to make friends, but i just feel like everyone i run into is unreliable and flakes out last minute making some stupid excuse as to why they can't hang out. I feel really alone and like i have absolutely no one.


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## Somanylemons (May 2, 2015)

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way.

I am in the same position. At the moment my only real friends are online ones and they don't live locally so I don't get to see them very often.

I have no answers for you. I've tried all the things you have tried and had no more success then you have. 

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that you are taking what others do too seriously. You did not have a scheduled "appointment' for today. The guy might have stayed out late and is now sleeping in.

You want things to do with people in person. But your using an online method to build freindships. Try meeting people in person, that translates better to in person friendships.

Look at Find your people - Meetup It's a site where people and orgaizations post things to do. For example here there are several hundred things listed...day hiking trips, kayaking meet ups, book clubs, running clubs. You name it. These are all open to anyone who wants to show up. The types of meet ups where an activity is planned is a good way to get started because, being shy, you are not just standing there trying to think of something to say. The group is doing something together. That activity helps break the ice.


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## rocknrolla (Jun 14, 2015)

I have arranged a few meetups with my group but not many people have gotten involved. I have one scheduled for in a few weeks so hopefully there is a bit of a turnout for that. Thanks for the meetup suggestion. I have just joined that.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

If something were to happen to my H, I would be in the same boat. If it's any consolation, I think this is just extremely common as we age. People get busy with family and work and don't think to expand their circle of friends. 

It also seems extremely common that people cancel last minute or say they will do something then just don't show up. I think it's inconsiderate but it does seem to be the norm for many.

Maybe you've tried this but I would suggest trying to join some existing groups that seem to be thriving rather than just starting them. It's possible that people are more ambivalent about a new group, thinking no one will show. Have you checked out meetup.com? There are groups on there based on lots of interests - food, politics, hobbies, etc.

BTW: My guess is the guy who wanted to hang out at 11:00 last night is hung over (or very tired) today and has lost all his motivation to do anything with anyone.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

You have my sympathy also.

Have you considered volunteering at a charity in your free time?

To add to some of the others' suggestions, is there scope to join a choir? Where I live, we have choirs where provided you sound roughly in tune you will be welcome, so no need to have an amazing voice.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

What are your interests?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

You're not alone! I'm in the same boat. Meetup has been invaluable for me. Check your zipcode and it will list all the local groups - there may even be some locally so you don't have to drive 40 minutes. I am in a suburban area too, so I was starting to despair until I tried meetup. Thankfully, a good 4 events or so take place each week nearby so I get to pick one. And people totally do cancel last minute, but that's just the way it is when you don't have firm plans. 

I would also encourage you to try something new - pick a new sport, go to a different museum, volunteer somewhere new. Trying new things can be scary, but when you see you're able to do something new without the world ending, even if you're not the best at it, it gives you a confidence boost which serves you well when making new friends. Good luck!


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## bestyet2be (Jul 28, 2013)

If you want to be more social, I'd suggest scheduling something...anything that forces you into regular interactions. "Join" something. Others have made similar suggestions, but I'll suggest something different: Try to see the benefits of solitude.

Consider where many great friendships are made: very trying & desperate situations, such as wars and terrible life threatening situations of one kind or another. So be careful what you wish for!

Yes work to improve your social life as you desire, but first look for some good in where you are right now in life.


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## Mrs.X (Apr 1, 2015)

I feel the same way at times. Marriage can be isolating and it isn't uncommon for friends to grow apart or become too busy with their families to hang out. How about taking a class at a local community college? Evening classes are usually full of working adults and being part of a cohort is a good way to get to know people. I wish you well!


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

You've identified yourself as shy, and identified that as a barrier to making new friends. 

Work on that. 

Get out alone (coffee shop, farmers market, etc) and talk to strangers. Little by little this will help build your confidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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