# Should I leave my wife



## lostinNC (Jul 25, 2011)

Ladies, posted this in the men's forum, interested in getting your opinion as well:
My wife confided with me last week, that after living together for 10+ years of which 8+ were married that she is into BDSM - the real deal, not just spankings and dirty talk. She also stated that she just can't see me being her "dom" . Honestly, I don't think I'd be really into it anyway, it's not really my thing, so any attempt would prob be halfhearted. Apparently she had an experience before we were married was scared by it but also liked it. The true issue is she buried it from me, bc admittedly I am a rather conservative guy. The problem is compounded by the fact that she has met a guy online who she requested from me to allow to have her "sessions" "Hell no" was the answer. All her friends are online as she stays at home with our 2 y/o.

Our sex life has honestly sucked for most of our married life, partly b/c I was resentful that she let herself go so soon after marriage while I busted my a$$ to stay in shape. However (big however), that changed after our daughter was born 2.5 years ago at which time my shame got the better of me and I accepted her for what she was. However, I think that damage had been done, and she was not very open for sex at all, and never was aggressive for it.

I love my wife, and I would like nothing more than to make our marriage work, but there are three problems:

-She is not certain she can live without BDSM (and I certainly cannot live WITH it, unless it's me)

I am not convinced she is still committed to our marriage. We both have made mistakes, but I am willing to wipe the board clean and try again, but if she is not, am I forced to leave her?

Her behavior has been reckless and selfish for the past few months, and I find the way she is seeking out these people (besides offensive) to be dangerous - do I go for full custody of our child?

Thank god she did accept going to counseling with me, and we start this week, hopefully we can clear up the issues.
Thoughts


----------



## faithfulwife85 (Jul 4, 2011)

Bdsm, What is that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

BDSM: What is it?

Personally I think all married couples who care about each other will TRY to do what the other wants in the sexual arena (so long as it is monogomous), because after all, we love each other & want to please the other, even if some things are out of the box. Too bad she hid it from you all these years though. I can only imagine your shock being very conservative ! 

Please try not to sound too judgemental of her desires, this will get very old very quick, and she may go into hiding things from you . I think it is good she brought it out in the open, even if a shocking request. 

I am not someone who is into this sort of thing but if I was married to someone who was, I would at the very least get myself a good book , read it , so I could understand the allure of my spouse and hopefully with a little understanding, BE Game. 

I bought this book out of curosity -but we have never done anything, I just like to educate myself -it has good reviews. Amazon.com: Sm 101: A Realistic Introduction (9780963976383): Jay Wiseman: Books

She has already admitted it is very important to her, she wants to explore it further, realistically chances are -these deep yearning desires of hers is not going to go away unless she has a brain tumor or something. 

She should be willing to commit to solo working with YOU as her DOM -and stop all of the online stuff out of respect though. YOu never know, it could cause a real spark in the bedroom or some good laughs along the way. You have to at least try. 

Sounds good, she is going to Counseling with you, I wonder what the counselor will say about this passion she has !?


----------

