# I hope you can help me.



## HALLEULIAH (Oct 22, 2012)

My husband and I are separated for all intents and purposes. I posted on another thread about this. 

He sleeps in our basement but has full use of the house. I asked him last night how this was going for him and he said he was loving it. Him going his way and me going mine should have happened a long time ago. And this is the way it was going to stay if I was wondering. He plans on seeing other women...to which I would rather have a legal separation and him move out before than happens if it hasn't already happened. 

Thing is he told me that I have picked a terrible time to do this because I have cut myself off from his family and his 85 year old mother is about to find out that her oldest son has cancer and is going to be very upset about this and is already getting feeble, and our son has just started coming back to church (he is doing this for his girlfriend, I begged him to come and he never would)Husband says if I change churches now, that would make him stop coming. He said his brother has cancer and that is another issue and that it would be selfish for me to push this right now when all of this other stuff is going on. 

We have rental property and three of our new units are coming open November 9th. I had told him to move to one of those, since he has said I could have the house. He said he didn't care to live in the worst mobile home that we own. 

Am I a bad person for saying I have dealt with your behavior for 35 years and I am not going to feel guilty for going through with all of this now? He says this makes me selfish. How long is long enough? Just wait till this happens, till that happens, meanwhile he is out having the time of his life. And it's all with his family. My mom died last April and he didn't leave the horse show to comfort me, when he came home, he patted me on the back three times and said nothing else and at the funeral home, he left to go to the mall for a couple of hours because he needed a new pair of shoes.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Their issues are not your problem. He is making excuses. Do whatever you need to do for yourself and to hell with them, that is his family, not yours. Let him deal with it.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Agreed! These are just EXCUSES! It's never going to be a convenient time to uproot your lives and change directions. So just DO IT.

People die, people get sick, taxes come due, children have crises, natural diasters happen, pets die, etc. There's always something. Tell him YOU dealt with your mom BY YOURSELF, he can deal with HIS mom BY HIMSELF (unless you're friends with her and WANT to spend time with her.)


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Agree, agree, agree.....Just do it! He'll make it through all the other issues too just from a different address.


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## TheEruditeOne (Nov 12, 2012)

I'm confused. Not that it matters who initiated the trial separation, was it you? Is it you, him or both of you that are unhappy in the marriage? It sounds like he's been done with the marriage for sometime, but what about you? I'm asking these questions, because I don't understand why you are asking for opinions from anyone because it seems like you know what needs to be done for the benefit of both parties. 

You don't need advice, but encouragement to do what you know needs to be done. Stop being miserable and do what you need to do to become balanced, whole and happy. You, like many people, married the wrong person or married for the wrong reason(s) and have been enduring terrible marriages for a long time. It is written that there's no condemnation (guilt, judgment, shame) for believers in Christ. No weapon (guilt, judgement, shame) formed against you shall prosper--Jesus paid the price. God loves you so much that it pleased Him to ransom His son to free you (all of us) from the guilt and death that sin yields. When you acknowledged Jesus as your Lord and Savior, you were set free from that point from sin and the guilt that comes with it for eternity. Believe that child of God and be free in the name of Jesus! 

TEO


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