# empty loveless marriage.



## EmlynRose (Nov 25, 2011)

Hey, I’m new to this site but I’m in an empty marriage and would like some advice. We have been married for 2 years... I’m 22 years old. We dated for under 6mons and our parents convinced us we needed to get married. I love him like a friend and I expressed my feelings 4 months before the wedding and my parents convinced me that it was only cold feet and made me go through with the wedding. No I’m not from any particular religion, and no it was not arranged... but it feels that way. my husband is an amazing man who I love.. but I’m sadly not in love with him. there is not passion.. No heat.. On the other hand i am so incredibly comfortable with him. We have no boundaries and we can say anything to one another. I can see myself with him and kids and the whole future of a happy family. He will be an incredible father. He is 23 and a little immature. There is no conversation between us he talks about space, science and video games and I enjoy watching football, baseball and having lots of friends over. He is never appropriate for the situation and is socially awkward. I’m a social butterfly who can go anywhere or do anything, fit in with anyone. I feel like if we were in our 50s and 60s we would have the healthiest relationship in the world.. but im 22 and feel like I need more out of life then to be stuck where my parents put me with someone who I care for but im not madly deeply crazy in love with. I deserve that in my life.. Right? Am I looking too deep into this and should just settle for what I have and not leave my husband and be divorced at 22?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'd rather be divirced at 22 than miserable at 44.


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## Lovely71 (Nov 24, 2011)

OMG. 

Think long and hard about divorce but if your not happy now you never will be. Add children and it adds a whole different stress. 

22 and settling. Wow. That is sad. Read your story and you have your answer.


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## bangun (Oct 20, 2010)

EmlynRose said:


> I deserve that in my life.. Right? Am I looking too deep into this and should just settle for what I have and not leave my husband and be divorced at 22?


Emotion and love is just a part of Marriage. "love" in one hand and "bring idea in to reality of our child" in the other hand.

we make the happienest not happienest come to us. Not just settle of what you have but also fight for better future for you and others.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Since you have never felt the hots for him... you likely never will.

Divorce... I hate to say that but I don't think you ar he will ever be happy together. You are better friends than spouses. At 22 you still have plenty of time... do it now better for both of you.

Your an adult you don't need to listen to your parents . you decide next time.


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## madteach (Nov 25, 2011)

Yes, I totally agree with the others. If you are having this many doubts, do NOT have children. It will only make the situation more difficult. 

My husband was never really into me when we were dating, and he made that quite clear. I pressured him to marry me anyway, which he did. Maybe he thought he would develop feelings for me, but I don't think he has. It has been a lonely and sad 9 years of marriage for me. We have two young kids now, and everyday I wish I had had more self-esteem when I was younger. I would have walked out the day he sat me down to tell me not to like him too much...

You still have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it.


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## blissful (Nov 14, 2011)

EmlynRose said:


> He is 23 and a little immature. There is no conversation between us he talks about space, science and video games and I enjoy watching football, baseball and having lots of friends over. He is never appropriate for the situation and is socially awkward. I’m a social butterfly who can go anywhere or do anything, fit in with anyone.


I'm sorry, but by reading your post, it seems that you're also a bit immature. love isn't always stars & moondrops, it isn't rock-your-world-amazing-happiness all the time. after a while even the most explosive love settles into something more comfortable. that's love- knowing the other person will always be there for you, knowing they have your back, that they're reliable, trustworthy etc.

the way i see it- you can divorce now, go looking for that fairy princess love, & you WILL find it. then after 2 or 3 years it'll settle into something alot more boring, it always does. the diffrence is that you may end up with someone who isn't a hell of a nice guy. then you'll be back on this site complaining about your abusive/ philandering/ selfish husband. Of course, maybe you'll meet someone fantastic & live happily ever after. but if you take your chances, be prepared for either outcome.

From what you've said, your H doesn't seem like a bad guy. he's socially awkward, you're a social butterfly, so what? Is that really a reason to end your marriage? The way it seems to me, it's your parents you resent more & not your H. I don't think they forced you into this to be controlling- they, like any parents, have your best interest at heart & wanted to give you the best shot at happiness. 

think long & hard, go for some counselling- first alone then together to try & figure out what you want in life. Speak with your H. tell him you feel a spark is missing in your marriage & you'd like to do something to remedy it. First by going for counselling & then by finding activities to do TOGETHER. if you both commit to making it work 100% & it still fails, then consider divorce. But in the mean time until you guys figure it out, pls don't bring any kids into the equation. hope this helps


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I read somewhere that Love is a choice. Depending on the level of maturity anyone could Love anyone.


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Hi Emlyn Rose,

I posted on this forum about a week ago with a similar issue like yours. I'm 20 years old and got married this year. My H is 22 years old and we had been together for over 3 years before we got married.

I love my H but was worried about feeling like I had missed out on the whole dating scene and experience as all our friends are single and dating. 

But I thought long and hard about this and found that I love my H and want this marriage to work. So I am going for it and going to see what happens. I won't regret anything as at the time I made the decision I was happy and will stay in the marriage as long as I'm happy and in love. If it doesn't work out atelast I was happy at the time and I will just have to accept this and move on.

I know your issue is different to mine but first think long and hard about what you want. If you truly aren't in love with your H and feel that there is no passion/heat then maybe it's best to talk to him about this and see how he feels. Don't give up on your marriage if it is something that you want to work. Why not try spending a romantic evening together? or a romantic get away to see if there is still the spark and passion in your relationship?

Don't give up easily though, I know you said your parents pressured you (believe me I know that feeling, my mother pressured me alot) but you might regret not trying and wish you had.

So first think long and hard and don't give up easily and try to make your marriage work. However if you find over time that it's not working and you have given the marriage 100% effort then think from there and see if you need to go your seperate ways.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

If this is really and truly how it happened, there is something wrong with your parents. Why any parent would pressure a child into marriage at the age of 22 is beyond me. You need to develop boundaries with your parents. It's not an issue of you being an adult (which you are), it's an issue of marriage being a terrifyingly important decision that affects YOU, not them. They need play absolutely NO role. 

That said, it's not that uncommon for people who aren't in love to get married, and it's quite unlikely that you'll fall in love with him if the "chemistry" isn't there. I would suggest divorce - you're very, VERY young, and if you wait 10 years, the chances of you finding someone who is more compatible AND with whom you are truly in love (and I disagree that it's not worth holding out for this - being "in love" is TOTALLY different from loving someone as a friend and people who don't admit that perhaps haven't experienced it, I don't know) are much greater, because you'll have grown into yourself. (I can honestly say I didn't "grow into myself" until I was around 27-28.) 

Whatever you do, don't have children with your husband. This will increase your problems a thousandfold.


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