# Is marriage worth it or not?



## softheartryou (Jul 12, 2009)

I'm interested in hearing from those married users of the forum regarding whether or not you believe that marriage is work the sacrifice, the energy, the effort, the commitment, and the years of dedication and hard work that it takes to make it succesfully work without divorce.

About me:

I'm a single male in my early 40s who has never married. I also don't have any children and I don't have a desire to have any. However, I would like to share my life with a woman that I can openly communicate with and solely love without reservation and without apprehension. Nevertheless, I continue to hear very differing viewpoints from the majority of my married friends and others that I know regarding their beliefs about marriage. Some of them have been very candid about the hard work that it takes to make marriage work while others have been less than forthright about it, which I hear from both males and females. Yet both geders seem to say that it is still worth the hard work. 

Others that I know say that marriage is too big of a sacrifice to make and that they would probably never consider getting married if they were in my shoes and had never married like me. Also, because they feel that I am in the later stage of my life some say that I may be too inflexible to adapt to the sacrifices that are required of marriage. Therefore, I am interested to hear from those of you that are married in order to know how many of you would serioulsy rethink the decision to get married before you committed to it if you were a single person like me that had never married. I have a college education and a fiarly nice salary. 

I also would like to know how many people currently regret the fact that they are married and wish that they could be single like me. 

Please answer as truthful as possible without worrying about being offensive. However, if you could provide me with valid reasons for your stated position I would really appreciate that as my goal is to determing whether or not I should consider marriage at this stage of my life. 

Thank you.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

This sounds like a research project for school. 

If you're serious, then only you can decide if it's for you. 

When it hits you, you'll know it. Otherwise, enjoy the single life!


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## trexy66 (Apr 19, 2008)

I have been married twice and divorced I have no regrets and would consider getting married if I met the right person.Yes marriage is hard work but it also has many positives and just because it does'nt work out does not mean there is'nt that special someone out there you would just click with.


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## softheartryou (Jul 12, 2009)

Yes I'm serious. It's not a research project. The problem that I have encountered with married people is that you often forget your days of being single. Because of this, the married people that I talk to are frequently very condescending when talking about the various aspects of marriage, which is not helpful for someone like me that is considereing whether or not to marry. Sort of like you thinking it's a research project.


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## softheartryou (Jul 12, 2009)

Thanks trexy66. Your post is very helpful and very encouraging. I wish there was some way to know all the details without the risk of failure,


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

If you marry the right person, it's worth it...

if not, you have trouble. It's that simple. Two halves do not make a whole ( person) and I feel most people marry for the wrong reasons. If you marry, choose wisely as it can be the difference between pain and anquish, or a nice life.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Was married for 10 years, mostly happy. Am single and separated now. Have to say for the short term I think single life is pretty sweet! I can come and go as I please, have nobody to think about, and have the bed all to myself!! I NEVER thought I would be saying this after the split but I have grown into my new place and routine. I actually have never lived alone. Moved right from the parents place in with my ex. In the long run, no I don't think staying single would be for me. I do like the company of a man. Someone I can tell what a crummy day I had. Hugs, kisses and sex I miss. I am not a casual encounter or friends with benefits person. I am a visiting home care nurse. I have had the pleasure of caring for palliative care clients who are actively dying at home. When I see a elderly couple who have been married forever and they are holding hands, stroking their loved one on the cheek, whispering to them how they will always love them it takes my breath away. That's REAL, unconditional and a higher form of love I want one day. That is with the right person. That experience is worth a hundred million one night stands or pretty boy. Hope this info was helpful. Good luck.


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## Heidiw (Jul 2, 2009)

Is marriage worth it? Well I've been with my husband 14yrs & this is the second time he has cheated on me. The first time was 10yrs ago. This time he has an internet girlfriend whom he's never met so he hasn't gone all the way..yet. Once he does he can never have anything with me except friendship. 

Marriage is something I think people need to wait out a while. I had only known my husband a yr & we were in our early 20's. I didn't want to marry after a yr but it was either I did or he walked. I was afraid of being cheated on & be left behind back then. I also never wanted children for fear that I would be a single parent. So I guess I should've let him go considering my fears came true!

If you want to marry someone really get to know them. I mean everything like what makes them tick. Once you do that live together for a few years but ALWAYS keep money separate as that becomes the root of all evil in a relationship. Secondly when you do decide to get married discuss that future. What do both of you want from it? Kids, where to live, everything. Never go to bed angry always wait & then talk it out. Communication is a big one as well but you both have to be willing to listen. If something seems wrong address it but don't be pushy.

Marriage is not a game it is people's emotions that get messed with & its hard to go back. You have to trust one another most of all. Will I ever get married again? Probably not as I am tired of giving everything & getting very little in return.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

For a man or woman who is in their 40's and never been married or in a long term relationship before, I don't think marriage will be their answer to love and companionship.
If love and comanionship were important to them, they would not have waited until so much later in life to find it...
and...
The people I know, over 40... who have been single most of their lives, would not make good partners. It would be too drastic a change to marry and live as married for them to be able to cope with it.
I agree for most over 40, who have never been married... it would be too hard, maybe too hard to be flexible and adapt to the sacrifices that are required of marriage or being with another person. I have a neighbor like that............. for him, he is too much a mommas boy and too selfish and its a good thing he has never even dated as some woman would cause him a nervous breakdown.
he is also so incredibly CHEAP, no woman could live with him.


I also know a woman like that, over 40 and never married, she is also a daddys girl and far too enmeshed with her parents to ever marry. At age 40 she bought her first house... next door to her parents ! hahaha!!!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

been married for two years, with my H for four years. right now i would say that its all been worth it. but if you had of asked this a few months ago i would have said, No Way.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

Grass is always greener on the other side of the Fence.


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

snix11 said:


> Grass is always greener on the other side of the Fence.


Nice one Snix!
Simple yet so true.

Do I have regrets..yes, but I wouldnt have my kids if I hadnt gone through what I did. I just wish I did more on my end of it. Thats all I can regret, or I wouldnt have them.

Will I marry again... I cant answer that right now, but I know this. I wont just write things off as harmless when they are odvious flags for problems. I ignore way too much when my heart is all wrapped up in things.

I suppose it all depends on what is important to you in life. Some people dont really need anybody, other cant stand to be alone, if even for a day.

I think its worth it, if you can find the right partner.


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