# husband got retrenched during our wedding..



## tygrelilly (Oct 22, 2010)

My husband and i got married in May this year..after knowing each other for almost 2 years.. During our dating years, life was beautiful..everything was nice and sweet. My husband has passion for stand-up comedy which he does perform sometimes at local clubs...it doesn't pay all that well but it's ok. In may, when my husband planned the wedding leaves, his employer felt it was a nuisance and laid him off with only 1 month compensation. At that time, we were too busy planning the wedding and didn't think too much of it. After coming back to reality, i realize it has been almost 7 month that he's unemployed. Lucky i'm working so i'm the sole breadwinner of our family. I don't really mind it..but sometimes i think my husband don't take enough effort to get a job. Everyday i go to work..he stays at home.. sleeping till noon.. he wakes up and plays his play-station till i get home. When i get home...i see him sitting there playing..i get really annoyed.. i mean common, why can't he take some initiative to do something..? i know i shouldn't feel angry that he could be in more emotional vulnerability that i am..so i try not to get angry but be sensitive instead.. but it's hard. There were months we have not enough money. Just last year we bought a house together which we pay the mortgage together too.. i was forced to take 2 personal loan to finance the renovation in the house because he can't. Now we got barely enough to eat. Our bills include, phone, 2 cars (his and mine), house loan, my 2 loans (excluding my study loan) and credit card bills... i'm suffocating.. 

to make him do something.. i search for job ads and sent it his way which he applies too...but nothing... he's pretty demanding when it comes to his job..like the salary..and working hours.. since its almost end of the year.. luckily he's getting some gigs here and there for his stand-up which is helpful.. but those are for pending bill payments.. tuesday nite he took a train to Singapore from malaysia.. i asked him to call me once he reach there.. which he did on wednesday morning.. unfortunately he lost his phone on his way to his friend's house.. now its been 3 days..he hasn't call me to see how i am.. since i stay all alone in an apartment in KL... my parents are staying in a different state. I mean i know he lost his phone but dont he worry abt me.. to see how i am.. i send him a facebook message to call me.. he said i didnt understand his situation.. that he cant impose on friends.. i told him.. to use the public phone.. he still hasnt call yet. He suppose to come tomorrow... i'm so sad.. the reason i was ok with him goin to s'pore was so that he gets to be with his friends ..take it mind of the fact he's unemployed..but it feels like he dont care about me at all... is all men like this??? 

Lately he even said that i'm uptight that i am not like how i was when we were dating.. it hurts... every night i go to bed crying.. i'm so scared, 1 the fact he's jobless... like how to pay for things.. plus my parents have no idea.. i'm so stressed out.. 2nd ..that he'e becoming so less considered abt other people's feelings.. 

last week.. we went to visit a friend who just gave birth.. i decided to dress well.. my husband walked out the house wearing t-shirt and shorts.. i told him it's not nice..he argued that it's only to his friend's house only whats the big deal.. i told him that i want my husband to be presentable..as it also shows abt me.. but he got so angry... is it so bad??? 

lately i feel like i made a mistake getting married.. i hate feeling like this.. i'm not a money maniac.. it's not that.. i just feel like my husband lost himself after he lost his job... 

even with him at home.. unemployed..he doesn't help pick around the house also.. all i ask is abit of courtesy...is that so wrong??? please tell me... men and women.. what can i do to help in this situation..is there something i'm doing wrong.. ? help...


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## MistersWife (Sep 26, 2010)

No you are not doing anything wrong! You are doing all the right things. Please believe that. 

If you haven't told your husband already tell him that you can't afford all this on your own. Communication is very important in marriage. Maybe he really doesn't know why you are stress. You have to tell him you are worried that you won't be able to pay Everything on your own. Sit him down and tell him seriously that you are overwhelm. Even ask what should you do? Maybe that will make him really think about what he needs to do. Hopefully that will be a job. Any job at this point. 

Don't let him make you question yourself by saying you are not the same as you where when you was dating. How can you be you wasn't supporting yourself and a grown man. Next time tell him he isn't the same also. I hope everything work out for the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working (Sep 10, 2010)

Your husband is showing all the classic signs of depression - lack of motivation, sleeping all day, lack of personal grooming, absentminded, etc. He pboably needs to see a doctor as well as find a support group for umeployed people.


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## smallvolume (Oct 22, 2010)

I think it's very common for some guys. what you did is right.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He also needs for you to stop giving him money. Tell him if he doesn't find a job by end of December, you're selling the Playstation to pay some of the bills. And you'll keep on selling his stuff until he gets a job. He's using you.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Until you get in his face about it nothing will change. You're drowning while he sits on the dock watching. He should be up early in the morning pounding the pavement looking for a job, not sleeping until noon then play games.

It's time for him to grow up.


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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

Sorry to hear about your situation, sound like a very good woman...sit down talk to him, grow up even tho he's grown up.


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