# She doesn’t like me going down on her!



## Rahulr2222 (7 mo ago)

My wife and I have a great time when it comes to sex. We have been exploring each other more lately and I am loving it. We both are in our early 40’s. The only issue is that she doesn’t like me going down on her. I absolutely love it as I find it very intimate and I get super aroused. She thinks it’s not healthy and pushes me away all the time. She prefers giving me oral than receiving it. We have tried 69’s and she say she finds it hard to concentrate. I am confident in my abilities as I have been with two other ladies before marriage and they loved me going down on them. Appreciate your help in advance.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rahulr2222 said:


> My wife and I have a great time when it comes to sex. We have been exploring each other more lately and I am loving it. We both are in our early 40’s. The only issue is that she doesn’t like me going down on her. I absolutely love it as I find it very intimate and I get super aroused. She thinks it’s not healthy and pushes me away all the time. She prefers giving me oral than receiving it. We have tried 69’s and she say she finds it hard to concentrate. I am confident in my abilities as I have been with two other ladies before marriage and they loved me going down on them. Appreciate your help in advance.


Can't help ya as my wife is the same way. And like you I have been with previous women who asked for it. Even my ex who was not real sexual appreciated it sometimes.

In another thread some female poster just posted receiving oral does nothing for her so I assume there are women out there who just don't care for it. Now of course someone is going to come and say you are doing it wrong but I think some women just aren't into it.

Good luck.


----------



## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Just don't do it. If sex is otherwise good, why would you let this become an issue ?

I don't know what her reasons are maybe she is worried she smells funky and doesn't want you to be turned off ? Or maybe you aren't as "good" as you think you are and it's annoying her? Who knows? 

Let it go, man.


----------



## High and dry (6 mo ago)

I think there’s a misperception that receiving oral sex is supposed to be the end all and be all for women and that they all go crazy for it. Some just don’t like it. Some women don’t find it physically pleasurable, which may sometimes be because of the guy’s technique, but not always. There are also women who have a variety of hang ups and worries, such as fear of tasting and or smelling bad, or other similar issues which prevent them from being able to relax enough to enjoy it.

In your wife’s case, it sounds like she may have some personal hang-ups about it. I say this because you mention that she says it’s “unhealthy.” Maybe she really feels that way or that could be a cover for other worries she has about it and doesn’t want to admit and/or simply not liking the way it feels but not wanting to make you feel bad. If she has personal issues and worries regarding oral sex then it’s unlikely there’s anything you can do about it. If she decides on her own one day that it’s something she wants to explore more and be more open to finding out if it’s something she enjoys then be a willing participant, but I think I have to side with others that day you should probably just let it go for now. Pushing her too much could backfire on you.

Before marrying my wife, I was dating a girl who was just very uncomfortable having somebody’s face between her legs. It was a bit too intimate for her liking. It eventually turned out that she was scared she smelled bad and might fart on me. I’m not joking, her main fear was farting! I told her honestly that no matter how much I liked her and how attracted to her I was, I wouldn’t be putting my face between her legs if I thought she smelled bad down there (or anywhere else for that matter). She never farted on me during the act btw, but she was so concerned about smelling bad and tasting bad and farting on me that she was never going to be able to focus on enjoying any of it. Once the true issue was out in the open she was more willing to experiment with it but she would still always become noticeably tense during it so I largely avoided suggesting it and let her lead on that one.


----------



## masterofmasters (Apr 2, 2021)

maybe she's had terrible experiences from past partners? but if everything else is fine, don't push it.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Rahulr2222 said:


> My wife and I have a great time when it comes to sex. We have been exploring each other more lately and I am loving it. We both are in our early 40’s. The only issue is that she doesn’t like me going down on her. I absolutely love it as I find it very intimate and I get super aroused. She thinks it’s not healthy and pushes me away all the time. She prefers giving me oral than receiving it. We have tried 69’s and she say she finds it hard to concentrate. I am confident in my abilities as I have been with two other ladies before marriage and they loved me going down on them. Appreciate your help in advance.


Just because _two_ other women liked what you did doesn't mean all women will. Women also lie and fake it. Not saying they did, but they could have. 

Why does your wife think it's unhealthy, but blowjobs aren't unhealthy?


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Rahulr2222 said:


> My wife and I have a great time when it comes to sex. We have been exploring each other more lately and I am loving it. We both are in our early 40’s. The only issue is that she doesn’t like me going down on her. I absolutely love it as I find it very intimate and I get super aroused. She thinks it’s not healthy and pushes me away all the time. She prefers giving me oral than receiving it. We have tried 69’s and she say she finds it hard to concentrate. I am confident in my abilities as I have been with two other ladies before marriage and they loved me going down on them. Appreciate your help in advance.


She does not want oral and will give you head?


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Actually quite a few women do not like receiving oral but are fine with giving it.

Clinical psychologist and licensed therapist Dr Samantha Rodman Whiten PhD aka “Dr Psych Mom discusses this frequently in her articles and in her podcasts. 

Quite a few women simply do not enjoy faces, mouths and tonques down there. 

Whether it’s a hang up or whether they simply don’t enjoy the sensation, the end result is the same in that it is not a pleasurable experience for them and can cause anxiety and lessen her enjoyment of the interaction. 

One thing that men have trouble grasping is that oral sex on women is not foreplay; it is sex. 

Even in people that do like it, most will need to be fully aroused and warmed up before having tongues and such slurping around down there. 

There is some irony and conflicting info out there. We’ve all been brought up that a lot of women don’t orgasm regularly, or at all, through PIV and so men are always urged to utilize their oral and other skills.

And men that won’t or do not like to perform oral are often maligned as selfish and lazy lovers etc so men do feel pressure to be willing to go down. 

But the fact is there is a percentage of women that simply do not like it and it causes more stress and problems than it provides pleasure and excitement.

If someone consistently says they don’t like it and that it is not a positive experience for them - believe them and respect their wishes and boundaries.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

That’s true. Some love it. Some hate it. Some could not care less. Some love it now and then. Tough to predict


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

All true above. Mine will give but doesn't want to receive so who am I to push it. F**k it, I will just receive then!


----------



## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

My wife is in the neither camp when it comes to oral. I really like doing that on her but she thinks it’s gross and thinks giving is gross too. I can’t even touch her down there as she doesn’t like it. It’s PiV only.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If she doesn't like it then dont do it.


----------



## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

GoodDad5 said:


> My wife is in the neither camp when it comes to oral. I really like doing that on her but she thinks it’s gross and thinks giving is gross too. I can’t even touch her down there as she doesn’t like it. It’s PiV only.


No fingers? How about you use a vibe on her?


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Rahulr2222 said:


> My wife and I have a great time when it comes to sex. We have been exploring each other more lately and I am loving it. We both are in our early 40’s. The only issue is that she doesn’t like me going down on her. I absolutely love it as I find it very intimate and I get super aroused. She thinks it’s not healthy and pushes me away all the time. She prefers giving me oral than receiving it. We have tried 69’s and she say she finds it hard to concentrate. I am confident in my abilities as I have been with two other ladies before marriage and they loved me going down on them. Appreciate your help in advance.


You have asked and she has told you. You need to accept her desires and look at doing other things you both enjoy.

If you insist, you are really trying to force her to do something she doesn't want to do. Only she can change herself and then only if she wants to. You really can't make her do things she doesn't want to do on a regular basis.

Understand that she may have real reasons she doesn't want to admit. It could be fears like getting a UTI if you have a cold. It could be she has a weak bladder and when she orgasms she leaks urine that would embarrass her. She just may not like the texture of your tongue on her sensitive clitoris. Whatever her reasons, they are "her reasons."

One of the things I learned with my wife in a Gottmans Art and Science of Love weekend was that in attempting to negotiate change with a partner on a "gridlock" issue (usually sex), that you need to understand their position and be able to articulate it better than your partner. To do that requires you to ask and carefully listen to your partner's reasons for not wanting to do something, ask questions, empathize with them about their reasons. Only once you understand their objections to something completely, you might be able to come up with something slightly different that is not objectionable to them. But to do that requires an investment of lots of listening time, lots of empathy, and even more creative thinking. You would probably be better off investing all that time on something else you both may enjoy.

Good luck.

P.S. Have you asked her about the use of a dental dam or other barrier method associated with oral sex?


----------



## ComplicatedMarriage (Jun 3, 2021)

Just thought I'd give you my perspective as a woman. There are times I enjoy it and times I don't. Often when I don't it's because either I'm concerned about the cleanliness in the area (perhaps her "unhealthy" comment), if there might be a smell, and/or whether he will kiss me after (because psychologically, there's just something about it that I don't care for). Other times, for whatever reason, it's easier to let loose and not worry about the things that might otherwise make me feel as if I'm not in the mood for it. Other factors could include that it's just too much stimulation for her or that she prefers feeling you close to her physically (as in your entire body against hers and not just the contact you're making orally) while having sex. I can see why she might have concerns about a UTI if she's experienced them before, as well, even though oral sex is probably not any more likely to cause that than PIV. Maybe if you gently ask her a few questions about when it might be acceptable because you really enjoy it, she might be willing to let you know under what circumstances she would be comfortable. Also, if she's open, it would probably be worth exploring why she thinks it's unhealthy because that's something you might be able to research together and calm her fears. Otherwise, if this is the only issue you're having, and she's told you she doesn't like it, let it go and do the things you both enjoy. If you're well-matched in the bedroom in every other way, consider yourself blessed.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> You have asked and she has told you. You need to accept her desires and look at doing other things you both enjoy.
> 
> If you insist, you are really trying to force her to do something she doesn't want to do. Only she can change herself and then only if she wants to. You really can't make her do things she doesn't want to do on a regular basis.
> 
> ...


Cough, cough, thank goodness this isn't a Ragnar issue. Just reading and thinking one would have to do all that makes me tired.


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)




----------



## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

So here’s the deal. My LH, literally told me one time “all the others liked it.” I couldn’t believe he actually said that to me. First off, I DOUBT that seriously, he was never that patient and number two, you don’t just shove your face into it as hard as you can and stick your tongue in the vagina and think that’s going to do anything.

Not sure where your confidence is coming from, and maybe you are ‘good’ at it, but many many women lie to not hurt egos. So just keep that in the back of your mind. 

Have you ever asked her what she wants? HOW she likes it, maybe she truly doesn’t like it all. But I know for me, it wasn’t that I didn’t want that, but my husband killed any intimacy it should have brought between us and only wanted to do it because it made him feel like a man, not because there was a benefit for me. Where are your motives really? That’s great it turns you on, but if it doesn’t her then it’s pointless unless you’re just self serving.

Been there, done that: I hope I can find a man who is more like myself and less into his own pleasure.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rahulr2222 said:


> My wife and I have a great time when it comes to sex. We have been exploring each other more lately and I am loving it. We both are in our early 40’s. The only issue is that she doesn’t like me going down on her. I absolutely love it as I find it very intimate and I get super aroused. She thinks it’s not healthy and pushes me away all the time. She prefers giving me oral than receiving it. We have tried 69’s and she say she finds it hard to concentrate. *I am confident in my abilities as I have been with two other ladies before marriage and they loved me going down on them*. Appreciate your help in advance.


So aren't you kind of fantasizing about doing it on these other two ladies when you're doing it, considering your wife doesn't want it and you apparently still enjoy it? Just something to consider. 

She can't concentrate -- many women really need to zone out without interruption to be able to relax and get off, and sometimes for some people, yes, that can mean not keeping them alert by doing different things and changing course. 

Best advice I can offer is when she is zoning out and you can tell she's starting to enjoy herself, keep doing what you're doing instead of stopping and starting something else, until she gets off, when possible. Don't talk or prod her to orgasm either. Just do what is working and consider anything else an interruption if she is starting to get excited, because that just means what you're doing is working. What you change to may not.


----------



## lucyruiz1875 (6 mo ago)

Hmmm... Maybe she is just not into it. For myself, I am quite sensitive in the area so if they lick too hard, it's uncomfortable. And I sometimes find myself wondering how to say, you know, I don't like your way of doing it. Because I have been given good ones, I know it's possible to enjoy, but before that I was wondering if that even was for pleasuring the woman, rather than giving the man a good arouse. Then someone did it good and it blew my mind, so now I know how to explain my way down there. Maybe she just doesn't like it. But then again... I'm super sensitive and I never liked it and thought the same, until someone did good. So it's either you're not doing it the way she likes and she can't know exactly how she likes it since we can't reach with our mouths down there, or her body just don't find that feeling good.


----------



## lucyruiz1875 (6 mo ago)

Oh, that and thick beards. Really hurts when you're pushing your facial hair super hard.


----------



## Frankie J (4 mo ago)

Rahulr2222 said:


> My wife and I have a great time when it comes to sex. We have been exploring each other more lately and I am loving it. We both are in our early 40’s. The only issue is that she doesn’t like me going down on her. I absolutely love it as I find it very intimate and I get super aroused. She thinks it’s not healthy and pushes me away all the time. She prefers giving me oral than receiving it. We have tried 69’s and she say she finds it hard to concentrate. I am confident in my abilities as I have been with two other ladies before marriage and they loved me going down on them. Appreciate your help in advance.


Get rid of her Immediately Transfer all your money into your mothers name first .


----------



## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

My wife does not like it either and it has been very disappointing for me. I like oral sex and I like giving it to her. and I would really really love to bring her to an orgasm via oral sex.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

when I WAS young there was a song called some girls https://genius.com/Racey-some-girls-lyrics


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

My wife says something must be wrong with me because I don’t like apples. She likes apples a lot. I don’t understand why she thinks that is the reason I should like apples. She said everyone likes apples so I must have a problem. I don’t think there is anything wrong we me. Now I’m never going to like apples for sure just out of spite.


----------

