# Have you lost close friends due to infidelity?



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

I have and that hurts 

I've lost some really good friends over this, mainly I s'pose the men (husbands) from friends of the very stbxw 

I have nil feeling for anybody that supports my stbxw absolutely none. If they are casual friends / acquaintances I have no problem but if they actually are 'there' for her, to 'support ' her in any tangible they can fk off and I've told them too

Anyone I see that in any way encourages or supports a cheat is simply validating it for me. These were the people she always ran back to with updates of the latest 'gossip' and of course always playing the 'victim'

Their husbands of course back me up say it's appalling but they always stop short when it comes to actually telling their wives that it's all completely wrong and she should not be supporting such a serial cheating scumbag 

I feel these people have no backbone no moral fibre at all as long as it does not 'touch' them they ignore it

Someone said I was being a bit harsh on them but I thought no no I'm not you validate something like this - infidelity, and for me you therefore encourage it there's little middle ground with it.

I have to say if I was now in a strong relationship with a woman and she was strongly supporting say a close 'friend' like my serial cheating family wrecking stbex it would be a massive problem for me - massive 

Interesting one that having gone through what all of us on here have gone through.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

yes...my mom cheated when we were kids and it divided family and friends...my parents were the social and family hub...OUR house is where friends and neighbors came for pool parties, barbq's, birthdays, block parties, memorial day, labor day, 4th of july...that ALL stopped and no one else took over...

our house is where BOTH sides of the families, 1rst/2nd/3rd cousins met for easter, xmas, thanksgiving, birthdays, halloween parties, thanksgiving...that all stopped...family members I used to see 4-5 times a year simply disappeared...I still get xmas cards from a distant cousin I havent seen since I was 15...she and I friended on facebook and have messaged a little...but havent seen her since my parents divorced over the affair...

my wife just got busted cheating...one of her boy toys was my best friend...someone I have been buds with since 6th grade...and I will never speak to him again...what he did to me is worse than what my wife did...and I exposed to his wife so they will probably divorce as well...they have 4 kids...

do you see the dominoe affect....anyone who cheats and comes here to justify and apologize is just crazy...there is nothing you can say or do...


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

I always told my friends, "IF you cannot do or say it in front of your wives then do not say or do it in front of me." I have lost several friends because they were unrepentent cheaters.

I am so glad I had that standard for myself and my friends. Imagine how foolish I would feel now if I had looked the other way when my friends cheated on their wives.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I haven't, but my wife has. Her best friend. The best friend who's husband she was shagging for two years and planning an exit affair with. 

But even after all that, her friend is so pathetically co-dependent to her husband and my wife, that she wanted to continue the friendship. To forgive and forget. 

Never mind she found evidence of the A before I did and didn't tell me - which allowed the A to continue months longer. Never mind she refused to look at the evidence I gave her.

I had to tell my wife to stop contact with her, or the R is over.


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## berries (Nov 4, 2013)

I lost my best friend of 26 years because she got in an EA with my husband. She had already had a PA on her husband before and she knew I did not condone that AT ALL. I was constantly telling her to come clean to her husband and she kept assuring me she would. Once I discovered the EA with my husband I called her husband and told him everything I knew and sent him tangible proof. I have no idea if their marriage is affected, I haven't spoken to her since I discovered the EA.

And this was my husband's 2nd EA that I am aware of. But this one hurts the most. I talked to her every day (apparently so did my husband) and I miss her as crazy as that seems. I feel like I have lost it all and I dare not become close to anyone again for fear that I will just get hurt all over again.


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## lacey99 (Oct 18, 2013)

That's a piece my WH doesn't get- how much his selfish betrayel ripples thru our many circles...while he was TT he was also blameshifting/ragging on me to his mother (and eventually that wholeside of the family and a few close friends) to justify why he cheated and they took his side/or at least was silent to me. now were are R and I want nothing to do with them- I only now can try to think about talking with my MIL and possibly one other of our friends. it's my choice -the loss of the friendship- but who needs those kinds of friends/family....


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

The affair I first discovered my husband having was with a good friend. So, there's that.

I also came to learn over the 3 years between that first DDay and finally finding out he'd been a serial cheater our entire marriage, that many, many of "our friends" knew about at least some of his cheating. Very few of them knew about all of it, but a bunch of them knew about one incident or another. So, there are businesses I no longer patronize, organizations I no longer participate with, fund raisers I no longer give to, and many people I no longer speak to.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

No. But my ex has. After his cheating ( the one publicly exposed out of the many ), some of HIS close friends became mine. They lost respect for him.


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## farnhamyrl (Nov 6, 2013)

I have lost several friends because they were unrepentent cheaters.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I lost a one that I thought was a close friend. However, when the sh!t hit the fan true colors were on full display. 

Lesson learned, you can be fooled by a spouse and or a "friend". Being fooled by my spouse sucked a lot worse.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My best friend cheated on his wife. He was no longer my friend.


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## JadedHusband (Aug 17, 2013)

I lost a good friend bc my girlfriend stepped out one night with him. He said she convinced him that we had broken but that doesn't matter. You dont date your friend's ex gf right away and then only if you get his blessing. Thats a sacred man law. I cant even remember what she looked like but I missed my friend. 

A few years ago he found me on fb and apologized (for something that happened 10 yrs ago) I accepted and we keep up with each other now. 

We had a friend of the family who dated a rly swell gal. He cheated on her amd we lost her as a friend and we resent him. After that we requested we not have to meet his current
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Bizarrely I lost more friends due to my ex's cheating than she did, it went along the lines of convincing them I was the bad husband and that I was an A-hole and they believed it, but best thing for me was smashing it all with the video footage, but they still ceased our friendship, good to know who your friends really are!

Lost a few more not so long ago when I stood up against an attempt to blackmail me into an affair, But again, you get tl , earn who your friends really are.


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## loopy lu (Oct 30, 2013)

My best friend started shagging her married boss....she was friends with his wife and would house sit for them when they travelled....and when MM returned to work, she would bonk him in the office.....I gave her some choice words and lost her number. Zero tolerance.


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## artlady (Jul 17, 2011)

I wish my H had. Not a single one of them said a word about how wrong or even weird it was that immediately after we separated, he moved in with his first high school love and lived with her for eight weeks (had a PA for three). Not even just that-- no one said a word about his sudden heavy drinking, not working, etc. I mean, it's one thing to let someone make their stupid choices; it's another to stand up, be a friend, and tell your supposed 'best friend' that he's ruining his life.

The only saving grace to that is that they're almost a thousand miles away. Whenever we visit, I have to put up this stupid facade.

And unfortunately, I can't get rid of my MIL, who welcomed the OW "back into the family". I found the email, and she's always denied that that's what it was. I'm not stupid. She, too, bent over backward to make things right after my H and I got back together, but it hurt me deeply, and I'll always know that for most of our marriage, she would have rather had the OW as "her daughter" than me.


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

First of all, ouch, artlady, that has to sting..

I haven't lost any friends at this point.. Although I don't speak to my MIL anymore, for obvious reasons.. I know she doesn't want to face what POS son she raised.. 

But, I have remained friends with a few of my H's friends on FB.. I'm sure it must be killing him.. Including his best female friend.. She and I always got along and liked each other.. I don't discuss the divorce with her, b/c I know that she knows he's completely screwed up his life.. But he's one of her best friends.. But I also know she is the one that sees that I am with the girls constantly, and he is NOT visiting them, and will call him out on it.. 

I do find if very.. interesting that a couple of the wives have remained friends of mine on FB.. I've even "liked" a couple of their things to let them know that we are still friends if they want to end it.. 

And VERY odd to me, is H's best friend's wife, who has NEVER "liked" anything I've done, posted on my wall, nothing, recently "liked" something I posted.. I posted a picture that said, "Burning bridges takes too long.. I prefer to use explosives" I wasn't quite sure how to take that.. I imagine that if she took it negatively, she would have just sent it to my H and not said anything.. 

But again, the problem with H, is that he told the wrong friends about his infidelity.. He told a couple that blabbed to everyone.. So he can't play the "She thinks I'm cheating, but I didn't do anything! I think she just wants to get rid of me!" card that he was initially playing.. oh well, too bad, so sad..


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## lacey99 (Oct 18, 2013)

artlady-.And unfortunately, I can't get rid of my MIL

if u find out how, let me know?


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

I lost good friends, I lost in-laws, I lost neighbors, I lost a twin brother. All the fall out from husbands actions. People don't and didn't know who we are, or how to act around us anymore, so many just disappeared. 
It's really a strange world we're in... 

~sammy


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## artlady (Jul 17, 2011)

lacey99 said:


> artlady-.And unfortunately, I can't get rid of my MIL
> 
> if u find out how, let me know?


Ha, yeah. She's visiting next month, so that's probably why it's been on my mind more lately. Pplllbbttt.

I'm so sorry, sammy3. I can't imagine losing such a close family member like that.


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