# Fetishes and marriage



## tnhusband (Mar 28, 2012)

Anyone have experience with a spouse who reveals a very dark fetish and how to handle it?
My wife has opened up to me and in some ways I'm elated that she has this huge trust in me and our relationship.
But what she desires is a little out there for me and that's saying something lol.
I have listened and I get it - it's something she fantasizes about and it arouses her.
Her argument is she does a lot of things for me that she has learned to love and enjoy. Somethings she does just for me.
But this crosses a line a little for me.
It doesn't involve other people - I guess it could but that's not what she is asking for.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Hard to guage based on your post as I have no context for what she's asking. That said, I have two points.

A) Do what make you feel comfortable, or do what you feel comfortable trying. If you're not comfortable, you won't have a good experience and you likely won't want to try it again. If this is something she'd like to do again in the future, she needs to understand that.

B) It bothers me to read sentences like "Her argument is she does a lot of things for me that she has learned to love and enjoy. Somethings she does just for me." While that may be true, I assume you didn't guilt her into doing them and this is essentially a guilt trip. She is right that you do owe it to her to consider what she is wanting, but she can't expect you to do something you are uncomfortable doing. Frankly, she should have discussed this pre-marriage, rather than saddle you with unexpected expectations after marriage.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, what some people think is a "very dark fetish", others think is a mild kink. I don't know in your case.

I agree with Kingsfan, do what you can within your comfort zone.


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## tnhusband (Mar 28, 2012)

We have been married over 10 years and she says this is something that has become a thing for her over the past 4-5 years.
The other day she asked me to cum on her face for the first time in ages. After that she bought up what she's apparantly been thinking about for several years.
I don't mind the give and take aspect of marriage and sex!

I didn't think I should bring up the specifics of her fetish so as not to make this a titillation thread!
It's a little out there but now she's confided in me I can't see how I can't indulge her.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

So do it. Why do you need the approval of an internet forum full of strangers?


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

If it makes you uncomfortable, then don't indulge. What happens if you do this and then you find out it's not the end and she wants something even more out there to you? Then what?

Is there a step you can go towards what she wants without going the full way? Maybe if there is, you can suggest doing that and seeing how comfortable you are with it as a bridge to getting to where she wants to go.


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## tnhusband (Mar 28, 2012)

lamaga said:


> So do it. Why do you need the approval of an internet forum full of strangers?


It's not approval I'm looking for - more like constructiive responses. But okay I'll explain - she wants me to build her a dungeon room in our basement and tie her up, spank her, punish her, rape her, use her etc etc. Her words not mine!

We do have rough sex sometimes but never to the level she's asking for. She has been reading and watching porn when I'm at work. She knows way more about it and all the lingo then I do.

For now I told her we should start with watching the porn together and talking about it.


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## Santa (May 31, 2012)

I just cant imagine this even being a problem honestly. Why wouldnt you, if thats what she wants? Seems pretty harmless to me


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I'd do the best you can to accommodate her. Sounds like she's got it bad if she's that far into it (probably on BDSM sites, chatting, etc...) and if you don't take care of the itch, someone else will.


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## tnhusband (Mar 28, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> I'd do the best you can to accommodate her. Sounds like she's got it bad if she's that far into it (probably on BDSM sites, chatting, etc...) and if you don't take care of the itch, someone else will.


She mentioned the chatting sites so I think she has got into that - and that's why it's escalated to the point where she has opened up about it. Her chat friends suggested she come clean with me.

It bothered me when she said that some "dom's" will do things without even having sex. I asked her if she needs a "dom" besides me and it wasn't a very clear answer! 

I'm not sure she knows exactly what she wants but I'm leaning towards going down this path with her just based on how much I love her.

Guess I need to go to Home Depot - lol. Wonder if they have a aisle for dungeon supplies...


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

tn,

That's not too bad! Good thing you clarified because my mind was running wild!

Like they always say, better to know than to guess because you usually guess the worst!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

tnhusband said:


> Guess I need to go to Home Depot - lol. Wonder if they have a aisle for dungeon supplies...


Aisle 15 my friend:


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Yep, TN, I say go for it!

At least she's not asking you to take her to public dungeons, because that's a WHOLE 'NOTHER THREAD.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Santa said:


> I just cant imagine this even being a problem honestly. Why wouldnt you, if thats what she wants? Seems pretty harmless to me


If you're not into it, it can be a problem.

Some people have difficulty getting into this level of roleplay, some people just don't want to see their loved one in such a demeaning manner, even if they themselves asked for it. It's not like we're talking about a BJ here.


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## tnhusband (Mar 28, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> If you're not into it, it can be a problem.
> 
> Some people have difficulty getting into this level of roleplay, some people just don't want to see their loved one in such a demeaning manner, even if they themselves asked for it. It's not like we're talking about a BJ here.


Some of the things she wants to try are going to make me uncomfortable but I think I will tell her I will try anything she wants to do once but I will have boundaries. As should she.


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## tnhusband (Mar 28, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Yep, TN, I say go for it!
> 
> At least she's not asking you to take her to public dungeons, because that's a WHOLE 'NOTHER THREAD.


Actually she wants to go to watch so WE can learn. I'm worried she already has been but I will continue to trust her until I have a reason not to.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

A poster on this forum in a similar thread commented on this sort of thing. I won't name the poster because I can't find the quote and I don't want to be accused of misquoting, but I think it applies here.

Anyway, he said that his wife became interested in something similar, and like the OP this was way out out of his character and not something he was sure he could bring himself to do. He said he had to go to a dark place within himself to be able to do that, but after he tapped into it he really liked it. Sounds melodramatic, but probably not too far out there for a guy that's never treated a woman like that.

I would think if you could get to that point, not only would your W really enjoy the raw sexuality of it, but she'd be super stoked that you went that far out of your comfort zone to please her.

Man, I wish I could find that dang thread.


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## wifey32 (Jul 3, 2012)

This might not be your wife's situation at all but.. was she ever abused or raped when younger or ever in an abusive relationship before marrying you? sometimes when people have experienced traumatic experiences in the past, for some reason they feel that it will make them feel better to relive some of those experiences or feelings.


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## Double Trouble (Jun 5, 2012)

I would sit her down and have a hear to heart with her and explain to her exactly would you have said in this thread. Explain to her that you are not comfortable with this right no and although you are not ruling it out entirely, you just want to take it slow and pace yourself. Try some things, see how comfortable you are with it and if it compels you go a little further.

I have kind of the same situation with my wife only that I am the kinky one and she is not. Talking things out between us seems to be helping although we are still a work in progress. She is the one that is apprehensive about some things that I would like to explore and this is the approach that I am trying to get her to take. So far so good but we are still very early in our exploration. 

Don't shut her out by closing the door on her. That will just frustrate the hell out of her. Trust me, I have been there. Work with her.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

buddy, i sure don't see a problem here..most guys would give their left nut for their wives to tell them that...go to lowes get the things you need and enjoy.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Yep, TN, I say go for it!
> 
> At least she's not asking you to take her to public dungeons, because that's a WHOLE 'NOTHER THREAD.


And you would know how?:scratchhead:


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Sort of contrarian view. She is asking to be dominated. Do it or tell her no. Going all wishy-washy will just ruin it for her. Tell her, "[Word]" is your safe word, then drag her by the hair to your spot. Do what you feel comfortable with. I assume, really with no knowledge, that blindfolding her will help prevent you from cracking up at first.


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