# lying, cheating, and everything in between



## laceylou (Mar 13, 2011)

aaaahhhhh....where to begin!! My husband and I were only dating a few months when we broke up for a night over something silly. That night he went and fooled around with an ex (also the mother of his child). After I found out, which was 3 months later and I found out from her on top of it I flipped. I went and had a fling with a guy to get even. My husband and I ended up talking it through and decided to stay together. A month or two later we became pregnant. I have never been overweight before but pregnancy is not kind to me (I had preeclempsia and gained 80 lbs). While pregnant I asked my husband to stop with the porn because I was having the hardest time with my weight and self-esteem. I was always craving sex but my husband wanted nothing to do with me. While being pregnant I found porn on my husbands phone several times. It was devastating to me, I went from 130lbs to 210lbs and my husband wouldn't touch me but he didn't have a problem searching porn. What hurt the most was him hiding everything from me (I understand I asked him to stop with the porn while i was pregnant so of course he would lie)
We had our son and soon became engaged. My sex drive kind of died off after my son. With my son, school and everyday struggles by the end of the night I didn't even want to think about sex. I'm sure he picked up his porn habits again (didn't bother me at all because I wasn't complaining and neither was he). As our wedding day approached, the stress of everything was getting to me. I would make up excuses like "i'm too tired", "I didn't shave", "not in the mood". A week before the wedding my husband had his bachelor party. No biggie, I trusted him and wanted him to have a blast! He came home and we had some really good, passionate drunken sex! Later that night I went through his phone (I don't know why I did this, I just had a feeling). I was blown away when I found what he was doing...
It turns out he had been playing these imobster, vampire games and then joined a chat room on his phone called palringo. On this I found he was sexting these girls, showing not only pictures of his goods but face shots as well. In return he was getting all sorts of nasty pictures. I even found him saying "The one girl I would've left my fiancee for has left me for a co leader" (referring to imobsters). A week before my wedding and this is what I had to deal with. We already had a son and talked about having another child. Thousands of dollars was put into our wedding! I decided to go ahead with the wedding. We talked and he said he would never lie to me again blah blah blah, he loves me and will do anything for me blah blah blah. 
 Here we are 6 months later, I am 6 months pregnant and gaining weight that took me forever to get rid of. Everything has been going great and I find him looking at porn. The same day I sat there and cried to him because the weight is just adding up. He looked me straight in the face and lied to me denying ever watching the porn. 

My question is: What do I do? Why do I let someone make me feel so unloved so undesirable? I don't think I am over reacting because of our history, lying is a big deal to me! What do I do? I feel like I can't throw out ultimatums because they don't do anything, so do I just sit around and wait for him to want me again?


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

I'm wondering if you will hate my advice. But here goes. I look at porn all of the time. I tell my wife, show her the links to the sites I visit, and tell her she can go there and see what I look at anytime. She knows that the porn is fantasy stuff and doesn't affect our relationship. If I was rubbing one out all of the time and didn't want her (pregnancy excluded), then it would be a problem. But sometimes the porn gets me horny for her.

Just a thought.....why not be more accepting of his porn habit and even ofter to watch it with him. You'll see some genuine intimacy happen when he feels open enough to share that with you. You'll also be creating a safe environment for him to be open and honest with you. Remember, you've got him. Use the porn to get him worked up and then do what you need to do with him. Maybe pleasure him orally or with your hand if sex is unpleasant while you are pregnant. Maybe use the porn to get him excited for you. Maybe you can say to him, "close your eyes, imagine that "Amber", that hot red head on your computer was here in the room with us and she came over to me and was kissing me. I bet that would make you excited right? And what if I didn't want to leave you out and asked her to lick your body....." and just go with it. You'll turn him on and he'll love you for it! I know this may not be your thing, but getting outside your comfort zone is where the true growth begins!


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## laceylou (Mar 13, 2011)

no I totally understand what your saying. The thing is he watched porn before we got together, We used to watch it together (it is very exciting and aeousing for me) but the problem began when I started to gain the weight during pregnancy. After baby we watched it a few times. The problem.is the lying, he lied Bout the porn, sexting those girls, and his lying is so natural for him. It scares me that there's more he's hiding. How do I begin to trust him again? 

A side note: we used to be EXTREMLY sexual together. There was never a problem in the bedroom for us. I have always been more of a giver than he is. After baby came it just became so routine and boring.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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