# Erection problems



## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Hey everyone,

I know I've posted this before, but I thought it would be worth bringing up again. I have 2 major problems with sex; One is being able to maintain an erection and now, I also have difficulty achieving an erection hard enough to penetrate my wife's V. She is pretty petite and small/Tight, and we rarely have sex nowadays. I don't think we've even had any kind of PIV sex in maybe 8-12 months.

Also, I want to give you a few statistics and a little about my past.

I'm 37, almost 38 yrs old. Never really had a high sex drive. Probably below average for the most part. I'm 5'9" and I weigh 180. I'm not in the greatest ship, but not too unhealthy or overweight either. I'm of average size (probably 5.5-6") and pretty thick when fully erect. 

I never actually had sex with a woman until I was about 30-31. That was with my current wife, before we got married. So only ever had sex with one woman. which being raised in a Conservative Christian family is the absolute ideal way to go. I personally wish I could go back in time and change that, because I think it may have had a permanent effect on my ability to have PIV sex and finish inside her. 

Anyways, I obviously masturbated growing up in my teens and 20's. Ironically, I didn't do it a lot, I think at most I would do it 2-3 times a week. Most often, probably anywhere from 2x a week to once every 2 weeks. I'm not sure how hard my erections or exactly what the process was when I was younger, but this is how is works now.

1. I get aroused and my penis gets pretty hard (full-mast or whatever). This also happens when I have morning wood of middle of the night erections and sex dreams (never had a wet dream though, afaik). However, if I try to arouse myself, it get start feeling good even if it's only at half-mast
2. When I start to play with it, masturbate, it because slightly softer, more flexible. I would say it's usually about 60-80% full. I'm not sure if this is a natural adaption to make it more flexible for my hand or what. It still feels good and I'm usually able to come to completion when it's like this. Also, I'm uncut and therefore, I never really need lubrication. 
3. I usually come to completion in the shower and I have to squat or crouch down to finish. I don't know why, but I can't come standing up or even with knees slightly bent. Also, I don't think I've ever finished with the head exposed, it seems to feel better when it can be lubricated by the hood.

Now, back when my wife did try to sexually please me, she gave me some fantastic HJ's with my P really hard and the head exposed. Also a few BJ's that were nice, but my P usually gets soft with those as well. However, I've never been able to orgasm with anything other than my own hand (except when my wife put her hand on it and I was able to control the pressure & speed)

I'm not sure if this is ALL me, or something to do with my wife and our sexual compatibility. I used to be able to penetrate her and last for awhile, before it got soft and/or slipped out. Now, even if I'm hard as a rock, I can't get it inside her, or by the time I do, it lasts like 1 min than it slips out. So usually, it's just me giving her oral until she's satisfied (this turns me on and I get an erection that usually lasts awhile, then maybe she'll play with my P for a few minutes (HJ only, no BJ, regretfully) and then tells me to just finish it myself. At this point, we jump in the shower and I finish or I come on her torso area while she lies in bed. It always feels way better when I finish and she's involved (even though, I do all the work myself) than when I'm completely Solo.

I have gone to urologist about this, and tried to talk to him about my problems. I was pretty disappointed by his diagnosis. Basically, he asked if I could still got morning wood, and if I could still get an erection when turned on. I said yes. He did a quick testicle-check and said it was all in my head. I had to probe and try to ask more questions for him to even suggest a solution, which was a "maybe" to Sex Therapy. He had some blood drawn to check my T-levels and they were in the high 300's from what I can recall. He also gave me some Cialis, which I haven't used yet, because my wife never seems to be in the mood to have sex. 

I've also been thinking about getting a fleshlight, trying to boost T-levels or some other hormone therapy, maybe Sex Therapy, and last but not least, perhaps a ****-ring...hoping those might help, but I'd prefer to do this without any "outside aide".

So, I feel pretty discouraged about ever being able to come to completion with a woman, even if I can get inside her. But, the main thing I'm concerned about now is boosting my sex drive and actually being hard enough to get it in!

So there it is!! All of my embarrassing secrets and in-depth analysis on my situation. I'm really putting myself out there, so I really appreciate any advice of suggestions.
Any advice? Please help me!


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## afab (Jul 28, 2015)

Your wife should use dilators.


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## anonfrank (Apr 18, 2013)

The urologist is correct. The difference between physical and psychological erectile dysfunction is the ability to have wake-up erections. If not, this indicates a physical problem (neuropathy, myelopathy, etc.). If so, it indicates a psychological problem.

You would be a good candidate for sexual therapy, or psychological therapy, to overcome whatever anxiety you have in having sex with your wife.

Good luck, your issue is treatable.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

JukeboxHero said:


> *I'm 38 yrs old*. Never really had a high sex drive. Probably below average for the most part. *I'm 37 yrs old* and I'm of average size (probably 5.5-6") and pretty thick when fully erect.



OK, I've applied a standard algorithm for those that bend the truth on their age. People tend to be more truthful as the continue revealing details and since your age started going down, my calculations put you at age 27. Perhaps you wanted to say you are older so people will not judge as much or something...

Anyway...

Do not force yourself to orgasm! It is OK to be aroused or engage in sex without having to have an orgasm every time. You should try to orgasm while completely relaxed and with minimal stimulation. 

If you have to squat down in the shower this is because you are forcing yourself, and the brain has to find some way summon excess oxygen and blood flow up to your pituitary gland in order to achieve orgasm due to your hormones being out of whack from always forcing yourself.

If you engage in sexual activity while carefully avoiding orgasm, your bodies hormone levels will eventually reset, erections will become stronger, and you ability to orgasm will be much more natural. Just relax, and enjoy an extended period of arousal and do not force your orgasms. Talk to your wife about engaging in some "erotic edging" an extend lovemaking to last for a few days of her teasing you with brief periods of penetration here and there without orgasm until you find things suddenly turn around and you explode. She will enjoy it too!!!! Just do not cheat and force yourself to orgasm while she is teasing you over the course of a few days. 

This problem can even happen in much younger men that overstimulate themselves with too much porn and masturbation. 

Good luck, 
Badsanta


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## JamesTKirk (Sep 8, 2015)

There are a lot of possibilities here. Based on your history I'd have said you simply trained your mind and body to prefer masturbation and not real PIV sex. It's sort of similar to why guys who are addicted to porn get ED (PIED, or porn induced erectile dysfunction.) But it doesn't sound like you were ever addicted to that kind of thing.

After almost 20 years with my wife (and a healthy sexual history before her) I was having performance anxiety in bed. Something wasn't right and I was losing it for sex. Also I had a vasectomy and was used to the feeling of condom so PIV sex without was literally causing me to go limp, which is completely baffling but I proved it masturbating with a lot of lube while simulating PIV sex.

I used Cialis to keep it up. We had some great sex. It got better and better. Eventually the performance anxiety went away and the Cialis helped me overcome the physical problems I was having to the point where I don't need it anymore.

Tips:
1) Your testosterone is on the low side. Before you take hormone therapy, try this.
If you really are 37, try DHEA. Probably about 50MG per day. DHEA is produced in the adrenal gland and is the pre-hormone that you body uses to make testosterone. Take it in the evening. Your testes produce testosterone while you're sleeping.

Also, it may help to take 1 saw palmetto, and 4000-8000IU or Vitamin D.
Your body produces testosterone. The Aromatase enzyme converts testosterone to estrogen. The 5-Alpha-Reductase enzyme converts testosterone to testosterone (DHT.) Higher estrogen and DHT levels feed back to your brain to tell it to stop producing testosterone (because clearly there is too much.) By reducing that conversion to DHT and estrogen, you suppress the off switch for producing testosterone.
Your testosterone levels could merely be too much estrogen or DHT, so lowering these may be all that's necessary. If you have a diet high in soy or flaxseed, you may have a high level of phytoestrogens causing T to be low.
Vitamin D is a natural Aromatase blocker. There are better more potent ways to block aromatase including natural and drugs such as arastrozole. Saw palmetto is already a really good 5-alpha-reductase blocker.

2) Take Acetyl-L-carnitine. It's a naturally occurring amino acid. It will help clear your androgen receptors so that testosterone can bind and do it's thing.
See this:
The Life Extension Blog: How to Naturally Enhance Libido Through Brain Chemistry
and this How to Increase Androgen Receptors and Their Sensitivity
Note that this will temporarily lower free testosterone because your T will start binding to receptors, but that's what you want.

3) Find out what turns her on. Get her to spill the beans about what gets her excited that she's afraid to admit to you. She may have secret dirty fantasies, fetishes, or something that turns her on. Assure her that it's strictly between you two and that it's OK. Being a good Christian doesn't mean you can't be absolutely dirty with dirty thoughts in bed.
Work with it. Late in my marriage I finally figured out that my wife likes it kind of rough. Who knew? (not me.) She always seemed like the gentle loving type until a few times drunk she mentioned "just take me" and liked being held down. I started spanking her which she loved, and during sex one night I pulled her hair (obviousness not painfully) and she went absolutely banannas!
I also told her I get really turned on when she wears a particular underwear so she started wearing that for me. (I bough her some too.)
IDK, if you can improve the anticipation and excitement, maybe you get be more turned on. It doesn't always have to be like that but it helps break the ice and be more receptive to sex later on.

4) Use the Cialis! I tried it and had a boner that wouldn't quit. We had sex, I worked it, and the sex was so good that subsequent sex improved. Cialis is super expensive so if you live in the US, hit me up in a PM. I know some great places to get inexpensive generic ED meds.
You can take about 1000MG of L-Arginine with Cialis. It may help with the erection.

5) If you want to get horny, try taking any of the following (or some together
Horny Goat Weed Complex. Maca. Korean (Panax) Ginseng, Ashwagandha. All of those are natural libido (aphrodisiacs) and yes, they work. Maca, at least, also works on women. If you can get your wife to take it daily she'll be wet.
Yohimbe will make you hard but don't take too much. It makes my heart race so I stopped using it. 

All of the supplements and amino acids aren't expensive and can be bough at places like pipingrock.com

I just threw a lot at you. They are all different ways to tackle the problem so start wherever you think it could help. The bottom line is that if you can do something like take the Cialis have really good successful sex, it may improve subsequent sexual encounters to the point where the performance anxiety is gone.

Best of luck!


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

badsanta said:


> OK, I've applied a standard algorithm for those that bend the truth on their age. People tend to be more truthful as the continue revealing details and since your age started going down, my calculations put you at age 27. Perhaps you wanted to say you are older so people will not judge as much or something...
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> ...


Thanks, Badsanta,

First, let me correct my "age" typo. I AM 37, a few months away from 38. I apologize, I rounded up.

So, to clarify (discussed this w. my wife to help me remember the "timestamps").

1st had sex. 32
Got married 34
Currently 37, almost 38 (in November). But man, do I wish I was still 27. I honestly sometimes feel ashamed/regretful that I never even came close to having sex until I was 32!! In some ways, I feel like I'm worse than the 40yr old Virgin, at least he had some relationship and almost had sex before 40, lol.


Anyways, onto your advice. I think you might be onto something here. I did get frustrated before when my P slipped out. I used to be able to last quite awhile inside, but would get frustrated because I couldn't finish, so I would eventually "give-up" and finish by hand, because I really wanted to orgasm. Funny thing is, my wife would tell me "don't force him, just let him relax and we'll try next time". Also, when I do it on my own, I don't feel like I'm forcing it (most of the time), lots of times, I'll wake up pretty horny and go from there. While I'm pumping away, it's usually pretty loose and fast , but as I get closer to orgasm, my body almost automatically starts to go into a squat position. Also, another funny thing. I can almost always stop myself before finishing up until the last 10-15 seconds before I unload. 

My only issue then, and even moreso now, is that our sex is pretty infrequent. Back then, I could count on it once or twice a week..maybe, now I'm lucky to even "go down" on her once a month.

I honestly would be open to trying the Erotic Edging, if I could 
Only...
A. Get her to agree to actually have sex. The only time it happens is usually in the morning. She'll be too tired to resist, and I'll start spooning her, touching her in the right places and her body will start responding. Eventually, she'll start gyrating and telling me what to do to turn her on. That happens pretty rarely, and it's always early in the morning on a Weekday, mere minutes before I have to wake up and go to work. 

B. Get her to participate. Like I said, she's usually half-asleep and even if she was awake, I can't get her to play any part in turning me on or stimulating me/my P. However, I do get turned on by eating and just the feel/smell of her body and hair. When I get to hardest, we try to change positions to get it the P into her V. Unfortunately, this is a bit of an awkward struggle, usually involving the following steps.

1. Remove her underwear (she likes to keep them on while I eat her, for some reason) and possibly remove mine as well
2. Shift to missionary position, while keeping her under the covers, and adjust blankets so our lower regions are covered (otherwise, she complains that she isn't wet anymore--I guess it evaporates quickly when exposed to air)
3. Line up my P as close as I can get to her V. I've tried to push it in before, but I simply can't. This is usually followed HER by grabbing my P, telling me to adjust my position, and then she opens up a little and tells me to push it in while she guides it.

It typically feels great for the first few minutes of intercourse, but overtime it starts to soften up. At that point, I'll try to get her to go Cowgirl, but she's usually resists, afraid I will fall out.


Also, when we're having sex, she's always afraid our neighbors will hear us, so if she thinks I'm getting too loud, she'll tell me to be quiet or muffle me by putting a pillow over my face (depending on our position). She's also very quiet and tries to restrain herself from letting go and relaxing.

On the plus side, Most of the time, I'm quiet good at giving her Orgasms with my fingers and tongue. She'll always ask, "OmG, what are you doing to me". 





JamesTKirk said:


> I just threw a lot at you. They are all different ways to tackle the problem so start wherever you think it could help. The bottom line is that if you can do something like take the Cialis have really good successful sex, it may improve subsequent sexual encounters to the point where the performance anxiety is gone.
> 
> Best of luck!


Wow, that WAS a lot, but thanks JamesTKirk. That was just the type of information I was looking for. Thankfully, the doctor gave me some free Cialis. Regretfully, I never know when were going to have sex and since it happens so infrequently, I'm afraid I'll take one and then I won't be able to use it until it's run it's course through my system.

Also, in regards to my diet. I do NOT consume Flaxseed or Soy (though I do like Soy sauce, does that count?) I'm working on my diet and trying to exercise, lift weights and improve my overall health to hopefully help my bloodflow. I was also considering trying some exercises and maybe a diet that could boost my T-levels. (I don't recall offhand what was in it, but I do remember Avocados, have you heard of them helping?)


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

It's completely psychological because of ur upbringing. Sex is probably been told to you as dirty. Sorry


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The urologist was a d!ck. seriously, why'd he have to be so abrupt and dismissive!

Your religious back ground plays a part in your ED. Can't say how big a part, but it's there. The rate of masturbation you mentioned seemed rather low for a randy young man. Once a week to once every other week...? Maybe for a 40's on up but not for a late teen early 20's guy. 

I think you are foolish not to see a sex therapist. I know it's a daunting prospect but getting your sexual self healthy for the rest of your life is worth it. Stop d!cking around with Internet strangers who may have wise advice but are only guessing. 

I'm sorry that your wife isn't willing to have sex with you, but if you went to a sex therapist, had some appointments and then asked your wife to attend, you'd be setting your marriage up for a healthy and happy sex life filled with open sharing instead of secretive guessing.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Viagra will help you stay firmer longer. It helped get past a mental block. Literally f--- like a porn star. In addition, start a walking program, 1-2 miles a day. The increased blood flow to the legs will also improve circulation to other areas as well. No cost way to get in shape (with benefits!). No masturbation at all will help prime the pump for PIV with your wife.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

JukeboxHero said:


> A. Get her to agree to actually have sex
> 
> B. Get her to participate.


Ah... the old conundrum of sexual healing. 

Teasing does require a great deal of effort on her behalf, so you will also have to put in the effort to make it worth her while and also make her feel appreciated. 

Bribery my friend! 

I often find that if I offer to help my wife with some odd household repair she does not know how to do (like brightening up the grout in the bathroom), that she will "pre-pay" for my efforts. I just never let her see my tools of the trade, or she would get pissed because I always do this while she is gone and claim that it took me all day!!!

Just borrow this from you kids in the appropriate color:










and apply with this so you don't have to lean over:










Then remove the excess dust with a broom and your done! And you'll be surprised when it needs it again in only a few weeks, but you want mind putting in the effort if she helps motivate you!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> I think you are foolish not to see a sex therapist. I know it's a daunting prospect but getting your sexual self healthy for the rest of your life is worth it.* Stop d!cking around with Internet strangers who may have wise advice but are only guessing.*


But Anon, 

JukeboxHero and I are just getting started at what I would call something great! 

Tell me you would not be happy to walk into your bathroom and think you have a brand new coat of grout on everything?

The warning on the box says that chalk will stain some surfaces, so I have even fooled myself into thinking that my process actually works!

@JukeboxHero you really should take Anon's advice! Just don't let her know I said that...

Badsanta


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I would be thrilled, @badsanta, to see bright shinny new grout in my bathroom! But, I would be highly doubtful my husband did it himself. And I know he wouldn't hire someone until I had b!tched about it long and loud enough. However, any (well done) home repair project deserves some good loving in return.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> I would be thrilled, @badsanta, to see bright shinny new grout in my bathroom! But, I would be highly doubtful my husband did it himself. And I know *he wouldn't hire someone until I had b!tched about it long and loud enough.* However, any (well done) home repair project deserves some good loving in return.


Anon, my wife does not whine or b!tch, she has a stack of business cards on her desk and already knows what it will cost. I actually have to beg her to let me try to fix something on my own and for her NOT to call! 

Anon, I thought you were better than that. You should be ashamed of yourself. You need to up your game if you want to play in the big league! 

Badsanta


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## afab (Jul 28, 2015)

afab said:


> Your wife should use dilators.


hawnrsen	
Re: Erection problems
Your wife should use dilators.

What do you mean?


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## JamesTKirk (Sep 8, 2015)

JukeboxHero said:


> Wow, that WAS a lot, but thanks JamesTKirk. That was just the type of information I was looking for. Thankfully, the doctor gave me some free Cialis. Regretfully, I never know when were going to have sex and since it happens so infrequently, I'm afraid I'll take one and then I won't be able to use it until it's run it's course through my system.
> 
> Also, in regards to my diet. I do NOT consume Flaxseed or Soy (though I do like Soy sauce, does that count?) I'm working on my diet and trying to exercise, lift weights and improve my overall health to hopefully help my bloodflow. I was also considering trying some exercises and maybe a diet that could boost my T-levels. (I don't recall offhand what was in it, but I do remember Avocados, have you heard of them helping?)


No, soy sauce isn't a problem. Even occasional consumption of soy based products is fine. I just mentioned it in case it was something you heavily consumed. I took flaxseed oil for about a month not realizing that it's extremely potent in phytoestrogens and wondered why I was getting emotional and my labido went to 0. I stopped taking it and was back to normal in days. So it was just a mention.
Don't worry about it.

There is another drug called Stendra. It becomes effective with 15 minutes after taking it and lasts about 6 hours. Cialis can work within an hour but I find Cialis works even better if you take it hours ahead. (5 Hours after taking Cialis I just start having spontaneous erections as well as the next day.) The nice thing about Cialis is that you can take it and it will work for two evenings and you can take it premtively. So take it on Wed around dinner and you're good to go for Wed and Thursday night sex. It's especially great to take if you think you'll have sex one of the next two nights, or if you have a romantic evening or weekend planned where it's all but certain you'll end up having sex. That kind of scenario sounds like it's rare to never for you.

I know a place where you can get avanafil (Stendra) and tadalafil (Cialis) really cheap. I'll send you the info in PM and you should get some to have on hand. When it seems things are heating up, just go dash into the bathroom, take the avanafil, and by the time you're done with foreplay it should be working. If for some reason you don't have sex, you've only wasted less than $1 worth of avanafil. Side effects are mild headache (take tylenol,) stuffy nose, and sometimes a bit of facial flushing. So nothing bad.

I hit a brief period of ED. I was great during foreplay but then lost it or I'd go limp right after penetration. There were like 8 different factors causing it. The pills kept me so hard that I managed to **** her like I was 22 which gave her such great pleasure and orgasms that after about 10 times of doing that, I just didn't need the pills anymore. I got more used to the feeling so I'd stay hard and she was excited enough from the anticipation to keep me excited. Make any sense?
Of course I tackled all of the other factors contributing to the ED.

One of those ended up being a discussion with her. I didn't include her on the details of what I was doing, but I told her that I was working on it and wanted to have a little more sex so we could work on it. So I worked on talking to her about how we can make time to be intimate more often (including sex.) Some couples just simply schedule one or two nights a week and that's the "date/sex" night. We didn't want that, but Friday or Sunday night usually ends up when we do something because of our parenting schedule. I also talked to her about what I could do to get her in the mood. And I also started sending he more flirty/suggestive texts earlier in the day to set the mood for the evening.
My wife has back problems from time to time and has also been running a lot. I started massaging her. I got massage lotion on Amazon and told her to get naked and massaged her from neck to toes for 30-60 minutes. There *IS* and expectation of sex (unless I've otherwise explicitly said otherwise) and by the end of the massage I switch over to seduction (caressing, heavy petting, kissing, etc.)

I started complimenting her a lot more and shamelessly commenting how her body is beautiful, sexy, and always turns me on. I've said things like "it's hard for me to keep my hands off you" which has sometimes turned into an invitation to touch her. When she's dressing I sometimes say things like "this is my favorite part of the day" (watching her.) It's objectifying and she almost took it negatively at first (she doesn't want to be a piece of meat) but it lets her know how attracted I am to her. I don't care if I'm a bit of a perv with my wife. You have to mix in a lot of mushy stuff like how much you love her, how lucky you are to have her, how much you think about her, and in your case how you feel blessed to have such a wonderful woman. I'll even occasionally smack her bottom or gently cress her butt just before I hug her just to keep that sexual connection alive. I try not to be creepy, but just a tad perverted enough to be suggestive.

Then there's the texts. It seems cheap and I try to not do it a lot, but it works for me. A text early in the day about how sexy she was to me this morning, how I can't stop thinking about her, and how turned on I got. That usually gets a text back of an invitation to be intimate that evening. If I don't do that and try to wing it, the monotony of normal life and errands takes over an you just don't get that attention you want from her. I also have a code word with her about "having margaritas later" and "margaritas" is code for drinking margaritas, getting a little drunk, and having sex.
Just setting the seed about wanting her gives her the rest of the day to get into the mood.

So seduction and innuendos work for me. You have a religious dynamic to your relationship and I don't know how that plays in. Are you both comfortable being a bit perverted? I was raised Catholic and taught that you can be as perverted as you want in the bedroom as long as you're not outside. (I'm no longer Catholic or religions.)

I've worked up to a lot of that to the point where it becomes normal in our relationship.

But talk to her. Get a glass of wine, sit on the couch, tell her you want to talk about your relationship, and try to openly discuss way so make more sexy time together. Try to stay positive, complementary, constructive, non-critical, and non-confrontational. You might be surprised at what she reveals? When I met my wife she was almost a nympho and sex was effortless. Married 20 years having this conversation to try to re-ignite the passion after her sex drive significantly dropped helped a lot.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I think the best advice in this thread is to try the simple stuff first such as a c0ckring as suggested by @peacem and be very aware that women adore for their husband to romantically pursue them as @JamesTKirk describes. 

If you stop by an adult novelty store you should find a nice assortment of stretchy c0ckrings, many of which have vibrators built into them for added stimulation for her. Just get something simple and cheap to start with (about $5) and if it works you can research about a better one made from metal.

As far as actively pursuing your wife romantically, be confident and don't let any rejections get you down because women are attracted to confidence. If anything be unrealistically confident! If she fusses at you and says you are bothering her, just tell her how cute she looks when she gets upset! Then when she looks at you and gives you the international symbol of:










You give her the "A.O.K" sign and proceed to shake her hand slow and sensually in a way that is so awkward she will start to laugh!











Then she is all yours!

Badsanta


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

LOL @badsanta

Your posts always crack me up.

So I have some updates to report and I think I'm making progress. First, I need to say I don't really get the opportunity to have sex that much since my wife's mood ranges from neutral disinterest to annoyed resistance. (from complaining to pushing me away if I get so much as withing 2 feet of her and/or try to smell her hair)
Despite that, I still went about a month without jerking off, and my sexual desire was in a semi-dormant mode while I tried to find other interests to pursue.

This Sunday however, something finally happened.

My wife and I actually slept in the same bed (which rarely happens because she says I keep her awake when I move) and when she woke up, I started touching/caressing her which eventually led to have sexual outercourse (I thought I was clever and made that word up, but it actually exists!) and some foreplay, which was basically me kissing/sucking her chest while she embraced me. It actually felt REALLY good for me, and I was able to maintain my erection while dry-humping/grinding on her panties (no entry allowed, due to her visitor, unfortunately). This was a big step up from the last few months, where she would she lay there like a dead fish and I serviced her-- this time she actually touched me, just not where I was really hoping she would. This actually awakened some kinda sexual desire that had been lying dormant in me for quite awhile. I asked her to come into the shower and help me finish, but she told me just finish myself, since she knew I did that anyways without her. I replied that I had actually been holding off and would really like her to help me/be with me when I did.

She resisted, so I jumped in the shower alone. I played with it for awhile, but decided to hold off on actual release. While I was in the shower, I had sexual fantasies rushing through my mind... pretty crazy, lustful ideas of what I wanted sex to be like with a woman who was really into me....including some oral sex of course.

Come Sunday night, I woke up at least 3-4 times with raging hard-ons (some accompanied by actually having to use the bathroom). I'm not sure if this was good or bad, but I decided not to finish and just teased and enjoyed the feeling of having a woody. I felt like I was hard almost half the night, and even though it disrupted my sleep, I was still glad to have this youthful, horny feeling return--it's just a damn shame I didn't have anyone to share it with.

Finally, last night (Monday) after having another night of a primed penis (more or less at ease, but ready to stand to attention at a moment's notice), I decided to finish it off before I woke up in the morning. I also tried to some Kegel exercises (which I heard can help with erections). I did these with an erection, while laying down, and I was only able to "LIFT" my penis off my abdomen for about 5 sec or so. Also, when I have a hard-on, my penis usually maintains around the 4 or 5 O'clock position, as opposed to a 3' O clock or better. I wonder if this is due to having weak Kegel muscles or is this fairly normal for a 37-38 yr old male?

P.s. If I do Kegel exercises (I think I'm doing them right) without an erection, it seems I can hold it longer. Also, I noticed it definitely makes my erection harder and seems to lift the penis (as well as my left testicle) a bit when I do it. I'm assuming I'm flexing the correct muscle. Does anyone know how many/how long I have to do kegel before I notice improvements?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Thanks for passing along an update! 

As for kegels, it does sound like you are contracting the correct muscle. These contractions usually do help pump a little extra blood to the penis and make the erection more solid. My knowledge here is limited, but I do know some books suggest that male legal exercises improve one's ability to control their orgasms, so this exercise should be a good thing.

In my opinion, most men likely lock down on this muscle just prior to orgasm to make penetration deeper and ejaculation occur with more force. If I lock down and hold that muscle, I can literally hit the headboard of the bed or anything within about a six foot radius when I cum. Although I think orgasms feel way better if you can keep this muscle completely relaxed as the orgasm hits very slow and feels as if someone is pouring a bucket of warm water over your entire body as you climax, then an inevitable contraction of the kegel muscle will eventually end the orgasm, but you can make it last for as long as you keep this muscle completely relaxed. Imagine sneezing while completely relaxed and without the big contraction that makes you blow air out of your lungs. It would be like a deep breath and them overwhelming tingles and warmness build in a strong wave until you are eventually obliterated by it!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## RogueAlpha (Oct 1, 2015)

T in the 300's isn't great - your doc sounds uninformed. I was diagnosed with Low T some years back and never felt the sexual reawakening until I was over 500 and for a lot of guys it's around 800. Been on TRT for 7 yrs now and I feel like a beast. I had to travel to find a great andrologist because most urologists just don't know enough about hormones to treat men with complex hormonal issues. You could also have a veinous leak, which would explain your inability to maintain an erection - and many veinous leaks can actually cure themselves once you start testosterone replacement therapy. Cialis for daily use is a wonderful drug, and will keep you ready to go for days on end, and some studies have even shown the increased blood flow to the penis can help you recover function long term. I'd recommend staying in it for 90 days minimum to recover your confidence and help your body heal. I see you are working on Kegels, which is great - but some other studies have shown that muscle won't fully recover in size and strength until you're treated with testosterone.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

RogueAlpha said:


> T in the 300's isn't great - your doc sounds uninformed. I was diagnosed with Low T some years back and never felt the sexual reawakening until I was over 500 and for a lot of guys it's around 800. Been on TRT for 7 yrs now and I feel like a beast. I had to travel to find a great andrologist because most urologists just don't know enough about hormones to treat men with complex hormonal issues. You could also have a veinous leak, which would explain your inability to maintain an erection - and many veinous leaks can actually cure themselves once you start testosterone replacement therapy. Cialis for daily use is a wonderful drug, and will keep you ready to go for days on end, and some studies have even shown the increased blood flow to the penis can help you recover function long term. I'd recommend staying in it for 90 days minimum to recover your confidence and help your body heal. I see you are working on Kegels, which is great - but some other studies have shown that muscle won't fully recover in size and strength until you're treated with testosterone.



I appreciate the information. I'm not really getting any sex lately, and I doubt I will with my current W, because it seems like were headed for divorce or separation. 

However, when I do get a new women (or if my wife decided to have sex with me again), which is probably a ways off, I want to be prepared to DO her better.

With that in mind, I'm curious about natural T-boosters. I know GNC sells one called TX180, and of course the guy who was at the local GNC store told me it would work great for working out and sex drive. I'm not really that convinced though, because every review I've read on Testostorone boosters say they're basically a waste of money (at least for muscle gains).

But, I am interested in the Testostorone treatments you're talking about. How much do they typically cost? How much does insurance cover? Where can I get a test for a veinous leak?

Should I be using Cialis if I'm not getting any sex? It seems like a waste. 

Honestly, my erections are pretty long-lasting if I'm aroused and my penis is rubbing against something. It's only when I try to enter the Vagina and if the V is really tight, that's where things get hairy. Probably because I'm nervous about it now. It also didn't help that my wife used to (long ago) make fun of my penis when it didn't stay hard. One of her main excuses for not having sex is because "It won't say hard", even though she NO longer tries to help in any way.

lastly, since it will be awhile before I get laid again, I was curious about Flesh-lights. I know they seem/sound weird and gross, and you have to clean it and hide it well. but does it actually feel anything like the real thing? Can they help me get practice for the real thing?


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## simplysarah (Nov 5, 2015)

I heard porn can be an issue for men with erection problems. Also it can cause issues with not lasting very long.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

There's a potential downside to TRT and that's hematocrit - basically your body produces too many red blood cells. A doctor would track that and recommend you become a regular blood donor.


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## Standbyme2 (Nov 4, 2015)

anonfrank said:


> The urologist is correct. The difference between physical and psychological erectile dysfunction is the ability to have wake-up erections. If not, this indicates a physical problem (neuropathy, myelopathy, etc.). If so, it indicates a psychological problem.
> 
> You would be a good candidate for sexual therapy, or psychological therapy, to overcome whatever anxiety you have in having sex with your wife.
> 
> Good luck, your issue is treatable.


I know how you feel not being able to get it up ED is ED whether it is mental or physical. However, I would have to agree with your doc. My issues seem to be more mental. Look at it this way though.... At least you know your goods work. You just need to teach your mind that. Does your wife still physically turn you on or is it to the point that you have gotten used to her?


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## Darwin17 (Sep 29, 2015)

JukeboxHero said:


> I appreciate the information. I'm not really getting any sex lately, and I doubt I will with my current W, because it seems like were headed for divorce or separation.
> 
> However, when I do get a new women (or if my wife decided to have sex with me again), which is probably a ways off, I want to be prepared to DO her better.
> 
> ...


Purchase a fleshlight......just trust me on this one. They have tons of models and you just pick what "looks cool" and then go too town.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Your t level is low. Go to a health Dr. Not urologist. My levels at 37 were 223, they are now around 950-1000 with t injections. Low T causes you to loose muscle mass, low energy, sleep more. Fat cells aromatize(convert) testosterone into estrogen. Your estrogen levels may be high. I also took an aromatace inhibitor(femara).


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

If you go the med route search body building sites for reputable research chemical companies and look for tadalafil citrate (cialis) or sildenafil citrate (viagra) 

you can get over $1500 worth in liquid form for around $70 each 30mg a ml x 60ml (tadalafil) and 50mg a ml x 60ml (sildenafil) as an example 

Warning it is for cough home cough, -lab-testing- use only


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/289730-veggie-diet.html


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## redbaron4u_2001 (Nov 11, 2015)

Here's something important to consider. I've read some great advice on here. My question, however, is are you on any statin drugs, or any other medications, and what is your diet like? Would you consider your diet to be high, medium, low or fat free? Do you steer away from cholesterol? Do you know how much soy you ingest? These are all key factor when someone is having a hormone issue.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

* What position do you have sex in?
* Is it the same position always?
* Do you feel dominant while doing so?

Had some erectile issues myself, together with feeling rejected by my partner. Shifting to doggie style changed that all... as your consultant says, it's all in the head. I think doggie made me feel suddenly dominant!

Otherwise, it was pretty much end of the road for me with 'missionary'.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

JukeboxHero said:


> I have gone to urologist about this, and tried to talk to him about my problems. I was pretty disappointed by his diagnosis. Basically, he asked if I could still got morning wood, and if I could still get an erection when turned on. I said yes. He did a quick testicle-check and said it was all in my head. I had to probe and try to ask more questions for him to even suggest a solution, which was a "maybe" to Sex Therapy. He had some blood drawn to check my T-levels and they were in the high 300's from what I can recall. He also gave me some Cialis, which I haven't used yet.


Wow I just seen this post and I had to reply because husband and I have some erection issues, and this is EXACTLY what happened to us at the urologist. Asked if he gets morning wood, felt around, and claims he is fine. I pushed for a solution and he said maybe sex therapy. Husband's T was in the mid 400s, and he gave us a sample of Viagra. It was no help what so ever, and I was ticked. Just know you aren't alone.

What the heck is wrong with doctors? Even if it's not a physical problem, they should at least suggest where to go from there. Instead of claiming that you are "fine" and sending you on your way.

Anyway, my husband loses his erection and slips out frequently as well. We did attend sex therapy and it helped, but did not solve the issue. It taught us how to cope better. I would seriously suggest it, especially since your wife sounds like she could use some sex education.

PS. **** rings do help, but again they aren't a fix all.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Kegels.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

brownmale said:


> * What position do you have sex in?
> * Is it the same position always?
> * Do you feel dominant while doing so?
> 
> ...


I never tried or was able to do Doggie style. I'm not sure if it's the size of my penis or the fact that my wife didn't want/try or know how to do the position. We're both inexperienced in sex, so we mostly did missionary and some sideways positions. 

I actually like her riding on top too..cowgirl style. that felt good, but it also got soft easily. Also, whenever I started feeling pleasure and made any amount of noise, she would tell me to quiet down, or put a pillow over my head.

I haven't even attempting PIV sex in forever. Last 3-4 times we had "sex" it was me eating her, and her refusing to touch me once I was done (okay, she would give me a light handjob for like 30sec and then tell me to finish myself).

Of course, we're having a divorce now, and I don't expect to have any sex for quite awhile.
@GusPolinski How often should I do Kegels? I sometimes do it in the morning when I wake up with an erection...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

JukeboxHero said:


> I never tried or was able to do Doggie style. I'm not sure if it's the size of my penis or the fact that my wife didn't want/try or know how to do the position. We're both inexperienced in sex, so we mostly did missionary and some sideways positions.
> 
> I actually like her riding on top too..cowgirl style. that felt good, but it also got soft easily. Also, whenever I started feeling pleasure and made any amount of noise, she would tell me to quiet down, or put a pillow over my head.
> 
> ...


Based on what you described about your wife, the impediment to you getting and sustaining a healthy erection is being removed.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Based on what you described about your wife, the impediment to you getting and sustaining a healthy erection is being removed.


Well, she hasn't always been that bad. When we first had sex, she was very cooperative and willing to experiment with different things. She even let me shoot my load straight down her throat once. She didn't want to feel or taste it, but I was pretty excited that she let me do that. One time she also woke me in the night to give me a BJ. 

Even back then, though, I wasn't able to stay hard long enough to finish inside her, and sometimes she felt if she gave me a BJ or HJ, I would become "soft" or at least too soft to penetrate her. 

She was always afraid that people would hear us though, so she trying to muffle me (cover my head with a pillow or my mouth her hand, or telling me to quiet down). I personally never thought we were that loud, just some moderate moaning, nothing like banging of the bed, or load noise.

Regardless, as time went on, she got more annoyed by my in different areas of life and as such, sex started to decline. She stopped giving me BJ's after a few times when she I didn't wash or rinse well. She's pretty sensitive to any odor, so if I didn't wash it really well, or we had surprise sex in the morning, she wouldn't go down on me. Eventually, I was less able to hold and erection and penetrate her.


At any rate, if/when the divorce happens..Idk if I will improve. I've been doing some research on supplements and even considering Jelqing or other PE exercises. 

Has anyone on these forums tried it? Is there any reason NOT to do it?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Call me crazy.
I have jelqed 5 days a week for 3 years, 100 reps per day. I am 53 and had a heart attack. I don't think I have ever been "harder" in my life. Jelquing helps girth but not so much in length. My size is fine, but I do think I am bigger and longer. My wife who does not know I jelq keeps telling me it's bigger. The tape measure says 1\2" gain in girth and 1\2" gain in length. Even if there were no gains, it simply feels better and stronger. To me, it's like going to the penis gym 5 days a week.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Right or wrong women can internalize ED as something wrong with them. If I was in a situation where my partner could not stay hard inside me long enough to finish I would have a very hard time with that and it sounds as though she did try in the beginning so I can't blame her reaction and eventual disinterest in sex to be honest. I know there are other issues going on where she seems like a not so great person but with just this specific situation, I can relate to her feelings of "why bother having sex if you can't stay hard long enough to do it" and wanting to give up or not enjoying going through the process every time.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Right or wrong women can internalize ED as something wrong with them. If I was in a situation where my partner could not stay hard inside me long enough to finish I would have a very hard time with that and it sounds as though she did try in the beginning so I can't blame her reaction and eventual disinterest in sex to be honest. I know there are other issues going on where she seems like a not so great person but with just this specific situation, I can relate to her feelings of "why bother having sex if you can't stay hard long enough to do it" and wanting to give up or not enjoying going through the process every time.


This is true. I think she felt I wasn't really attracted to/turned on by her. I don't know if you've read my other threads, but we've had other issues as well. Most of them revolve around my other hobbies/games and her general dislike for them, and how much time/priority she felt they took away from her. I admit, I wasn't the most motivated, planning our life out type of person.

Of course, when we started our sexual experiences early in the relationship, it was pretty good. I could penetrate and last a good amount of time, but I was never able to orgasm inside her.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Okay, so I went to the store today and bought some of the vitamins/supplements that have been suggested here and on other sites.

This is what I bought, I want to make sure it is good as far as price/brand and potency along with the right MG?

I went to the Vitamin shoppe. I believe they would have better selection then Walgreens. CVS or Walmart.

Here's what I purchased 

Plnt Maca 14.99 90 caps Amt per srv 500 mg
Plnt Gingko 14.99 (7.50) 60 caps amt per srv 460 Mg (BoGo 50% off sale)
Vitmane shoppe Fenugreek (8.49) 200 caps 610mg.


I also bough some Creatine for post workouts.


Some guys on another site recommended Garlic, Green Tea, Ginger or Gensen as well (On top of ginkgo biloba) I'm thinking about trying the first 4 in their natural form.


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## JamesTKirk (Sep 8, 2015)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Wow I just seen this post and I had to reply because husband and I have some erection issues, and this is EXACTLY what happened to us at the urologist. Asked if he gets morning wood, felt around, and claims he is fine. I pushed for a solution and he said maybe sex therapy. Husband's T was in the mid 400s, and he gave us a sample of Viagra. It was no help what so ever, and I was ticked. Just know you aren't alone.
> 
> What the heck is wrong with doctors? Even if it's not a physical problem, they should at least suggest where to go from there. Instead of claiming that you are "fine" and sending you on your way.
> 
> ...


Doctors are really trained in physical anatomy and I'm sorry to say, to figure out which drug to prescribe. They aren't good with "alternative" solutions. For example my back hurt, he gave me drugs and told me to live with it hoping it'd go away...otherwise you know, surgery. I went to a chiropractor, he actually fixed it within a week.

I was the same way, doctor said I was just fine except and that it's in my head...except for otherwise just not being 20 years old anymore. Some reduced performance is normal, but physically I shouldn't have trouble getting erections.

So I'm 45, have had slowly increasing ED issues over the last couple of years. Sometimes I'd just lose it after 15 min of foreplay (up til then I was ifne.) We used condoms and when you're not fully erect, you can't get them on so I got a vasectomy hoping it'd help, but it didn't (for other reasons.)
What has worked?
#1) I cut out all drugs with side effect of "erectile dysfunction." Mainly anti-inflamatory drugs like Naproxen or Ibuprophen that shrink inflammation (an erection is an inflamation.) Also stopped taking antihistimines. Did you know a shot of Benadryl to the penis is the first thing they give you to counter parasitism? Now I manage my allergies with local meds (nasal spray and eye drops.)
#2) Cut out all porn. Yes I indulged in the occasional smut. It messes with a guy's brain and desensitizes him to real sexual stimulus (a woman.) It rewires the brain to prefer artificial stimuli. It floods the dopamine receptors in the brain so that you have no sensitivity to a woman.
So tell him that if he does view any kind of porn of fantasy, cold turkey that garbage. Definitely don't masturbate to it.
#3) I stopped all masturbation. As it turns out, if I can last a few days (or God forbid a week) with no orgasm, I'm more than fired up to go when she wants it.
He needs to have all sexual arousal come from you and all sexual pleasure be with you to improve.
#4) Yes, I started taking Cialis. Initially it was to gain confidence in the bedroom and get over my increasing performance anxiety. After a short time I really didn't need it. But she enjoys the extra hard/bigness I get from it so I still take a little on certain occasions for the fun.
I found some great places to get it super cheap, too.

I know I get erections in the morning or in the day quite easily. After about 8PM my libido crashes. Unfortunately she only ever wants to do it at night (usually with a glass of wine.) If you can figure out what time of day his libido is heightened (hint: morning is likely, and for me I'm almost always randomly hard at 3AM) then try having sex during those times for a while. Things may slowly improve.

I played around with taking certain supplements that help the androgen receptors and dopamine receptors and it worked really well. People tell me it's BS but I did and it seemed to help.

Lastly, my wife has stepped up the the seduction slightly. Just little things like saying a few things or putting on something sexy I like and acting a certain way can make the difference when it's not necessarily going so well. Though I admit that even at the height of my problem, nothing she did worked.

I have turned it around. It is possible.


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