# Fiance's Sexual Past



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

I have recently started a relationship with my former college sweetheart. We have discussed our prior sexual experiences and in her case it includes discussion of 9 long term (from months to years) relationships. The sexuality in those experiences was apparently pretty banal and she said that she never got any satisfaction from having sex because the men were never interested in satisfying her as long as they had an orgasm then they were done. Since we have become intimate, she constantly wants to have sex, and we have been doing it 2 or 3 times every morning and again once or twice every night. She is very open to experimentation but when questioned always denies having any similar experiences in the past. For instance she denies ever having performed oral sex but now initiates it as though it is her favorite activity. I am starting to worry that she may not be truthful in telling me what her true experiences have been and how many partners she has had. She also refuses to talk about a period in her mid twenties that she is trying hard to forget which makes me paranoid about what she might be hiding. All she says is that me treated her badly in that time period. I am having a hard time coming to grips with her sexual past. She says she loves me and wants to be my wife but gets very angry when I try to press her on providing more details about what she refuses to discuss.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

"men treated her badly"


----------



## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Very honestly, her past is not your business. If you're not OK with her not sharing what she has or hasn't done, you probably don't belong together.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

I guess my biggest worry is that she is a nymphomaniac and that she is never satisfied in a relationship for very long.


----------



## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Kpeter said:


> I guess my biggest worry is that she is a nymphomaniac and that she is never satisfied in a relationship for very long.


Well...those are 2 totally different specific and separate problems. It sounds like the first one would be a relatively good problem to have, depending upon yourself of course. And the second, not such a good problem to have if you two are talking a long-term future.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

Maybe I should put this into a little more context. I am 76 and she is 75 years old so long term is a relative term. I love her and I do believe that she loves me. But she has said a few things like she has to get out the area she was living in because it had become dangerous for her. She has said that in one incident she was drunk and tried to jump out of a window. When I hear things like that and then she refuses to elaborate is makes me think that she was participating in some kind of orgy or gang bang. She still lives in the general area where these things apparently happened and I wonder if one of these days down the road something will be revealed that is a dealbreaker for me.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

76 and 75 years old, 3-5x a day, every day.

It's not too late for you to learn mathematics.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

Ha ha, I like your sense of humor. Let me add that we have only recently moved in together and so what is happening may not last forever. And much of the sex is oral rather than vaginal because I have ED resulting from prostate surgery that is only somewhat helped by Viagra or Cialis. However I have performed better with her than I was able to with my former wife. Anyway my concern is that she seems to be insatiable wanting oral and manual stimulation, as well as penile penetration when I am able, which seems totally foreign to the image she has tried to project as someone who never really enjoyed sex that much. Which makes me that much more curious about why she willingly talks about her relationships, but not about this dark period in her twenties that she is trying hard to hide and forget about.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Her 20's was 55 years ago... Does it really matter what she did during those few dark years, over 50 years ago?


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

I have tried to tell myself that very thing, but when I get in a down mood, it seems like those questions are all I can think about when I am lying awake at night. I am not stupid and understand the right attitude to have in this situation but I am not sure I can get over it by myself. I am pretty sure that we broke up 55 years ago because she was lying about something, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. So the thought that she might be lying about being the local ***** is keeping me from letting it all go. I have no problem with what she did with her long term lovers but this area she refuses to talk about is driving me crazy.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Kpeter said:


> Maybe I should put this into a little more context. I am 76 and she is 75 years old so long term is a relative term. I love her and I do believe that she loves me. But she has said a few things like *she has to get out the area she was living in because it had become dangerous for her*. She has said that in one incident she was drunk and *tried to jump out of a window.* When I hear things like that and then she refuses to elaborate is makes me think that she was participating in some kind of orgy or gang bang. She still lives in the general area where these things apparently happened and I wonder if one of these days down the road something will be revealed that is a dealbreaker for me.


I would be more concerned w/ these things and not whether she gave blowjobs during the Nixon administration, nor assume the two are correlated.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Kpeter said:


> I have tried to tell myself that very thing, but when I get in a down mood, it seems like those questions are all I can think about when I am lying awake at night. I am not stupid and understand the right attitude to have in this situation but I am not sure I can get over it by myself. I am pretty sure that we broke up 55 years ago because she was lying about something, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. So the thought that she might be lying about being the local *** is keeping me from letting it all go. I have no problem with what she did with her long term lovers but this area she refuses to talk about is driving me crazy.


You need a discussion about privacy and boundaries. You each need to know what the other is comfortable with, and the very biggest thing of all is to make darned sure that, if you're the open sort of person, wears everything on your sleeve, understand how a partner can take advantage of that by claiming the same but holding back things that he or she believes would keep the relationship from going forward. 

She has a right to privacy, but that right does not extend to deception. If there are things you need to know, to feel secure, safe even, then it's her choice to either disclose or move on. Don't beat yourself up over who you are, or think that's unfair to the other party. Your values are your values. Your fears are your fears. If you still want to go on with the relationship, and you're not comfortable with what you do and don't know, then seek therapy so you can handle it better.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

I think Casual hit the nail on the head by saying that she claims to want to be open and wants to communicate about everything but won't discuss this particular situation because "it will hurt me." There is no doubt that the danger that she found her self in was sexually related because she says that it was because men were treating her badly, which of course makes my imagination spin like a top. I definitely want to continue with the relationship and I want to believe that she was always a nice girl and was simply being taken advantage of by men but it also seems like her insatiable sexual behavior now belies that image. I am planning to marry this lady and whether she was a wh*re in her 20s is not as important as her openness and honesty.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Jealous!!!! If you don’t marry her I will! LOL


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Let the past go. Enjoy the rest of your lives together. If you are happy now, it doesn’t matter what happened nearly a lifetime ago! Make her your bride. Don’t waste any time if you are in love.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

The two of you are in your 70's congratulations. Before you tie the knot, make sure you are both on the same page. Marriage at that age can create some real financial issues. Social Security of your partner to kick in requires 10 years of marriage in the USA, not sure about other places. Some pensions only pay a widow as long as she does not remarry. There are lots of little financial details that should be addressed including new wills, powers of attorney, living wills etc.

My suggestion is for the two of you to sit down with a marriage counselor for a "pre-marriage" relationship tune-up. I think that the jumping out the window and a dangerous place comment are such that the two of you really need to understand each other better. Also find out what her idea of a relationship is at this age and what it might be like in 5, 10, or 20 years. 

Can she handle being your primary caretaker in the last days of your life? Would she prefer to ship you off to Hospice? What are your hopes and fears? What happens if for medical reasons one or both of you can no longer have PIV sex? She has a fairly high libido, so could she handle say you becoming impotent after a prostate cancer operation that didn't go smoothly? Or it could be the other way around with her not being capable of the sex she wants because of the side effects of some medication. How are one or both of you going t satisfy a high sex drive if the other can't. If that happens do you both expect monogomy? 

Maybe after some heavy discussion you both decide that marriage may not be the right thing and that perhaps some other kind of long term relationship would be a better fit.

Good luck. It is good to have someone to love. 

P.S. Have you talked to your children about another marriage? Sometimes children have rigid views on their parents and whether their parents can have new sex partners. It is not their choice but it could impact your relationship with them.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

Great questions and even though we have only recently moved in together, we have had all those discussions and are on the same page on everything except that one issue. She knew about my problem after I had a prostatectomy but was still willing to be with me, knowing that sex might be limited. As it turns out, it has been better than we could have imagined. As far as our children go, they think we are both crazy but we just let them think that and plan to enjoy life. None of the issues described will become dealbreakers for us. I guess my only hangup is that she won't discuss this issue because it will hurt me, and of course once she said that, I just have to know what it is.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> The two of you are in your 70's congratulations. Before you tie the knot, make sure you are both on the same page. Marriage at that age can create some real financial issues. Social Security of your partner to kick in requires 10 years of marriage in the USA, not sure about other places.


Survivor benefits from a deceased divorced spouse only accrue if the marriage lasted 10 years or more, but if the marriage ended via death I don't think the length of the marriage matters.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

If I thought my GF had a meth habit and thought it had something to do w/ cupcakes, I would ask her about meth and not about cupcakes. This is because I care about the meth whether or not cupcakes are part of it, but only about cupcakes insofar as they could have something to do w/ meth. 

So I would ask why she doesn't feel safe living there, and not about her sex life. Likewise w/ trying to jump out a window. 

Whatever your concerns, don't get married until you either resolve them or get over them.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

Good point, however she just falls back to saying she was drunk and men were treating her so badly that she felt endangered, and trying to jump out of the window was part of it, and then refuses to discuss it further. All she will say is that she went through a bad period and just wants to forget it ever happened. She says that she has never lied to me but to me withholding the information to put her fears and actions in context is no different, especially when she says knowing would "hurt me."


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Kpeter said:


> I have recently started a relationship with my former college sweetheart. We have discussed our prior sexual experiences and in her case it includes discussion of 9 long term (from months to years) relationships. The sexuality in those experiences was apparently pretty banal and she said that she never got any satisfaction from having sex because the men were never interested in satisfying her as long as they had an orgasm then they were done. Since we have become intimate, she constantly wants to have sex, and we have been doing it 2 or 3 times every morning and again once or twice every night. She is very open to experimentation but when questioned always denies having any similar experiences in the past. For instance she denies ever having performed oral sex but now initiates it as though it is her favorite activity. I am starting to worry that she may not be truthful in telling me what her true experiences have been and how many partners she has had. She also refuses to talk about a period in her mid twenties that she is trying hard to forget which makes me paranoid about what she might be hiding. All she says is that me treated her badly in that time period. I am having a hard time coming to grips with her sexual past. She says she loves me and wants to be my wife but gets very angry when I try to press her on providing more details about what she refuses to discuss.


 I am a person who is honest and open so I would expect any partner/spouse to be the same with me. If the partner wouldnt tell me secrets from the past, then that would almost certainly give me real doubts as to whether I could be with or marry that person. How can you make such an important decision when you dont even know important things that went on? Even if was a long time ago, it still happened. 
If it was just a case of men treating her badly then why does she say it will hurt you? Maybe there is more to it who knows.
Its your decision as to what you can live with and what you cant.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

Glad to have a woman's perspective. The only thing I can think would hurt me is that I would be greatly dismayed by how she conducted herself during that period that I would stop seeing her as the woman I truly love. What she doesn't understand is that it really doesn't matter to me what she did but that her reluctance to be open with me reveals a character trait that is much more important and that is emotional transparency so that I can trust what she does now, not what she did then. I believe that she is so ashamed of what she did that she just wants to bury it in a steel vault. I tried to tell her that she will never heal unless she lances the boil with someone who will hold her and love her despite anything she may have done. How can I get through that wall she has put up, when she accuses me of putting up a wall by asking for disclosure on this subject.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Kpeter said:


> Glad to have a woman's perspective. The only thing I can think would hurt me is that I would be greatly dismayed by how she conducted herself during that period that I would stop seeing her as the woman I truly love. What she doesn't understand is that it really doesn't matter to me what she did but that her reluctance to be open with me reveals a character trait that is much more important and that is emotional transparency so that I can trust what she does now, not what she did then. I believe that she is so ashamed of what she did that she just wants to bury it in a steel vault. I tried to tell her that she will never heal unless she lances the boil with someone who will hold her and love her despite anything she may have done. How can I get through that wall she has put up, when she accuses me of putting up a wall by asking for disclosure on this subject.


Its very difficult. I think you can only say that you love her and will accept her whatever, but that you dont feel that a husband and wife should have any secrets. I see exactly what you mean, that her hiding things is more of an issue to you than what she did. Have you told her that? Its hard to say whether she will tell you eventually when she maybe trusts you more? Only you know if this is making you doubt whether you will get married or not. I think I would be pretty hurt if my husband refused to share things from his past.


----------



## Kpeter (Oct 18, 2020)

Thanks to all who posted their insights. It helped me just to talk about and see things from a different perspective. I am sure that we will marry and live happily ever after. But the questions will linger in my mind and maybe time and love will diminish my fears so that I can forget too.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Her past is your business if you care about it and you intend to spend your life with her as her partner, that means everything, our past is what helps make us why should sex be any different. She doesn't have to tell you though, if that it's a deal breaker then so be it. What you can't do is pressure her. If you feel she is being untruthful, or not open and have red flags then I say really thing long and hard about staying with this girl.

This is like dating 101. You get to decide what you want and she does too.

You are not the only person she can be with and same goes for her with you.


----------



## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

My advice: take it while you can get it. You won the lottery. Push all of that other stuff out of your head and enjoy yourself while it lasts. You are _way_ too old to be hemming and hawing about things like that.


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Kpeter said:


> I tried to tell her that she will never heal unless she lances the boil with someone who will hold her and love her despite anything she may have done.


If you really mean this then why can't you stop thinking about whatever she hasn't disclosed to you?

You want her to tell you not to help her heal herself. You want her to tell you because you want to know. To bring you peace of mind.

When you offer to be someone's confident you don't push that person to confess. 

If your love for her is not unconditional, it's better for you not to get married.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Kpeter said:


> What she doesn't understand is that it really doesn't matter to me what she did but that her reluctance to be open with me reveals a character trait that is much more important and that is emotional transparency so that I can trust what she does now, not what she did then.


So tell her this. EXACTLY this, but perhaps with an addendum .... that her failure to be truly open is what IS GOING to lead to the failure of your being able to continue in this relationship.

Because that is exactly the process that has already begun.


----------



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

If she says "it would hurt you".... believe her. If you can be ok with not knowing, then go ahead. Personally, if I were going to marry her, I wouldn't be ok with not knowing. It would, to me, like you, lead to distrust.

If I knew that something in my fiancee's past would hurt me, I think I would avoid the hurt and call it quits. But, that's me, you have to make your own choices.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If I was in your shoes and she was committed to me, I would be trying to work myself into the grave by working myself into her as many times as God would allow.

I wouldn't put up with lies or deception but she could keep her past in the past as long as that is where it remained.

Mrs. Conan is 16 years her junior and can't even come close to having that much sex!

Enjoy the hell out of her. You are blessed.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Kpeter said:


> I guess my biggest worry is that she is a nymphomaniac and that she is never satisfied in a relationship for very long.


I was married to a nymphomaniac, she wanted sex 3x a day. She was loyal from day one we were together, but yes, she - like your wife had a past.

Depends on what you want to live with.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Kpeter said:


> Glad to have a woman's perspective. The only thing I can think would hurt me is that I would be greatly dismayed by how she conducted herself during that period that I would stop seeing her as the woman I truly love. What she doesn't understand is that it really doesn't matter to me what she did but that her reluctance to be open with me reveals a character trait that is much more important and that is emotional transparency so that I can trust what she does now, not what she did then. I believe that she is so ashamed of what she did that she just wants to bury it in a steel vault. I tried to tell her that she will never heal unless she lances the boil with someone who will hold her and love her despite anything she may have done. How can I get through that wall she has put up, when she accuses me of putting up a wall by asking for disclosure on this subject.


You're way over thinking it.

At this time in her life she's realized she likes sex, tilted with a little I'm not as young as I used to be, the time is now.....thoughts. 

Which makes this attractive in a relationship. 

Don't worry that you won't be able to keep up. That may be wearing on you.

Encourage her, and keep this going. 

No worries.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Look I think you need to really try to analyze why it is you want to know this? Is it you are afraid she will get bored? Are you competing with ghosts? Maybe you just find it it gross. Some of the reasons you can overcome by dealing with your thinking. Others may just be a deal breaker. But all of that is on you. You need to handle you **** before you decide to marry her. Her past ain't changing, so you have to learn to deal with it, and if you can't it's unfair for you to marry this girl.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I was married to a nymphomaniac, she wanted sex 3x a day. She was loyal from day one we were together, but yes, she - like your wife had a past.
> 
> Depends on what you want to live with.


Is there a Clif Notes version to the "was" married to a nymphomaniac? My sympathies if she passed on. Just wondering if there's an untold cautionary tale that eclipsed "loyalty."


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Casual Observer said:


> Is there a Clif Notes version to the "was" married to a nymphomaniac? My sympathies if she passed on. Just wondering if there's an untold cautionary tale that eclipsed "loyalty."


Was a divorce. She's still the mother of my child and co parent, we parted amicably. We had alot of issues but came down to the fact I never loved her and married her due to our daughter. Sex was a chore with her. No cautionary tale at all 

Just making a point that a high sex drive doesn't mean someone will act out of a marriage. Nor does their past always dictate their present unless they let it.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Um. OP you say you are 76 years old and you are having sex 4 to 5 times a day? Are you counting times it's only all about her?


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Um. OP you say you are 76 years old and you are having sex 4 to 5 times a day? Are you counting times it's only all about her?


Projecting my required stimulation and refractory period out another 20 years, and 24 hours wouldn't be sufficient in a day to manage five times once, let alone day after day.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Cletus said:


> Projecting my required stimulation and refractory period out another 20 years, and 24 hours wouldn't be sufficient in a day to manage five times once, let alone day after day.


Yes. So I don't understand why OP is making that assertion.


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Livvie said:


> Yes. So I don't understand why OP is making that assertion.


See post #8.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Not that I believe it...even by his definition of sex, of which I definitely do not agree.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Elizabeth001 said:


> See post #8.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


 Ahhhh got it 😉


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Oh for God’s sake, you are in your 70s, why are you worried about some chick’s reputation like some teenaged school boy???

This chick is horny and wants some; give her all you got in the sack and keep your nitro tablets handy.

Are you worried that she isn’t going to be trustworthy with money? That’s easy, keep all your accounts separate so she doesn’t have access to it.

Worried that she won’t be a good mother? That train should’ve left the station 30 years ago.

Worried she isn’t responsible? Don’t put her name on any of your property, cars, house etc etc.

Worried she may have had some wild monkey sex 40 years? Tell her to bring it on and get freaky now! 

Worried that she’ll cheat on you??? Dude, how guys that would get with a 70 year old woman can even get it up? 
At your age who cares who either of you screws as long as you are getting yours? If she wants to screw some other dude that would be able to perform, tell her she can do whatever she wants with him as long as it includes you and he brings another woman that is DTF for you. 

You’re worried about stuff that a guy in his 20s looking for a wife of another 40s years and mother of his future children would worry about. 

You don’t need to worry about any of that. All you need to worry about is getting it up, getting her off, and not getting herpes or gonorhea because those two things are painful. 

Who cares if she screwed half the town 50 years ago because she’s screwing you now at a time when most women think a wild Saturday evening is rocking on the porch and cleaning out the cat’s litter box. 

My guess is since you can actually get it up, she will latch on you like a bear trap. I imagine your fears of her leaving you for someone else is about as realistic as worrying about getting hit by a meteor. 

Your most realistic concern should be her not leaving you alone enough to indulge in your other hobbies and one of you having a heart attack in the middle of swinging from the chandeliers. 

Stop worrying about her being a nympho and worry more about your life insurance being up to date and worrying about how to breathe through your ears while going down town on her.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I’ll also add this, you seem most hung up that she isn’t confessing all her “sin” to your inquisitions. 

You do realize women of her generation were raised to not discuss or admit to having sex at all right. 

You’re living a dream come true and there is no downside here. 

As long as you are protecting your property and financial assets from fraud or a gold digger, it’s all good.

You’re not a 25 year old looking for a wife and mother to your future children and someone your mother and Aunt Beulah will approve of so stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. 

If you have a good companion and someone you enjoy spending time with and someone that lays you like tile, you are golden.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I also want to point out you are not her therapist or shrink. It is not your role to sort through all her crap from 50 years ago. Not your problem. Stop trying to make it your problem. 

You are calling things her “dark times.” Those are dark to YOU because it makes you feeling insecure. She is playing off of that and basically trying to blow it off because she doesn’t want to rehash it anymore.

You may think it’s all dark and shameful, but to her, she may look back on it as some of the most exciting and life-affirming time of her life. 

Nobody wants to go into war or combat again, but many veterans look back on their experiences later as the best times of their life (there is even a classic movie titled, “ The Best Years of Our Lives” about that very thing.

Don’t spoil your present and ruin your future by worrying about something 50 years ago that isn’t even any of your business to worry about.

You worry about getting her knees up to her chest and burying your tongue as far as it can go.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Honestly man .... your going to ruin a good situation. You should be spending your time proving to her that the other 100 guys were not as good as Mr. 101. Get out of your head and get into hers. Turn your twilight years into your highlight years


----------



## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> I’ll also add this, you seem most hung up that she isn’t confessing all her “sin” to your inquisitions.
> 
> You do realize women of her generation were raised to not discuss or admit to having sex at all right.
> ....


Since the dawn of time women have been lying, fibbing, omitting things, "forgetting" things, downplaying things, whitewash things, understate things, and underestimate things about sex. 

Protecting our own reputations. Protecting his feelings. Protecting how he might feel about us. How he feels everyday. How he feels when he's angry at us and wants to throw our sins in our faces. Even though he might know we're not angels, he doesn't need to know the full ugly truth. He doesn't want to know. For our own good. For his own good.

it's in our nature to want to give our men a "clean slate". We're wired to make him feel like we're all his. Nobody else has had us. Or had us like he does. Or made us feel like he does.

Most guys "don't want to know". Most are happy to believe what they want to believe. Our job is to let them believe what they want to believe.

She's wise not to give too much away but unfortunately she's said too much already. Now you're haunted by them and you have to know. Better to just not say anything. Dont' get his imagination running wild. Don't plant those images in his head. Keep it to yourselves.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

LoL.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Kpeter said:


> I have tried to tell myself that very thing, but when I get in a down mood, it seems like those questions are all I can think about when I am lying awake at night. I am not stupid and understand the right attitude to have in this situation but I am not sure I can get over it by myself. I am pretty sure that we broke up 55 years ago because she was lying about something, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. So the thought that she might be lying about being the local *** is keeping me from letting it all go. I have no problem with what she did with her long term lovers but this area she refuses to talk about is driving me crazy.


She was in her 20s during the 60s...free love and dope era. I can imagine. May be she was wanting to get stoned and share free love back then and you wanted it for yourself?

I broke up with a GF i took to prom from another town. She had a smoking body but i had heard about her being promiscuous from a class mate of hers. We broke up and i heard about her going to big party and getting drunk and pulling a train with 5 guys from our football team at the party.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

She talked about being treated badly....my wife got married at 16 to get out of abusive home. She married a classmate that became a musician and serial cheater. She did several things sexually ,that that made her feel degraded ,trying to save her marriage. I know most likely anal and different kinds of sex toys and possibly bdsm. I do not think she would have allowed 3somes as adverse as she is to cheating. She caught him 3x with other women. She admitted to 2 ONS after leaving him done in anger and said she cried after. Then we met 24 yrs ago and i went to court with her for the divorce.

Going to sex toy shop gets her in a dark place worrying i may go same route her ex did. She is averse to anal as am i. We are both violently monogamous. 

That she thinks something would hurt you makes me wonder if when you were together prior if she withheld sexual things from you that she readily did with other guys. Is there videos? Did she get involved with porn industry? Questions that come to mind.


----------



## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Do y’all ever skip those threads that you think wouldn’t interest you in the slightest, but then you get bored one night so you read them? LOL this is the greatest thread ever! THE COMMENTS OMG. 😂




Kpeter said:


> am pretty sure that we broke up 55 years ago because she was lying about something, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was.


I’m ****ing dead. 🤣

Op, just enjoy her while she’s still breathing.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Let it goooo.....


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Maybe OP is caught up in past happenings because there is something subtle she is doing now that is ringing subconscious alarm bells.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Livvie said:


> Maybe OP is caught up in past happenings because there is something subtle she is doing now that is ringing subconscious alarm bells.


Could be.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Great Scott!!!

If I live to be in my 70's and have a nympho as a mate, I'm going out happy!!!!!

What a way to check out!

I'm not even being morbid. What greater way to celebrate the life we have?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Hope to hear back from OP that all is well.

At 70yrs, as long as no cray cray activities going on with her, she could have whatever history she wants. Hey, any she could make up would be fine, barring dead bodies and useless mayhem.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

JustTheWife said:


> Since the dawn of time women have been lying, fibbing, omitting things, "forgetting" things, downplaying things, whitewash things, understate things, and underestimate things about sex.
> 
> Protecting our own reputations. Protecting his feelings. Protecting how he might feel about us. How he feels everyday. How he feels when he's angry at us and wants to throw our sins in our faces. Even though he might know we're not angels, he doesn't need to know the full ugly truth. He doesn't want to know. For our own good. For his own good.
> 
> ...


Wow, very open and honest post. Perfectly said.

No one, man or woman, is obligated to disclose specific details of their personal life. We are all entitled to our own privacy and personal life. Our genitalia do not belong to anyone else and no one is entitled to a Carfax of our junk. 

a 75 year old woman has presumably had a prior sex life and is likely not a virgin. Especially if she has grown children. 

Leave it at that.


----------



## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Divinely Favored said:


> She talked about being treated badly....my wife got married at 16 to get out of abusive home. She married a classmate that became a musician and serial cheater. She did several things sexually ,that that made her feel degraded ,trying to save her marriage. I know most likely anal and different kinds of sex toys and possibly bdsm. I do not think she would have allowed 3somes as adverse as she is to cheating. She caught him 3x with other women. She admitted to 2 ONS after leaving him done in anger and said she cried after. Then we met 24 yrs ago and i went to court with her for the divorce.
> 
> Going to sex toy shop gets her in a dark place worrying i may go same route her ex did. She is averse to anal as am i. We are both violently monogamous.
> 
> That she thinks something would hurt you makes me wonder if when you were together prior if she withheld sexual things from you that she readily did with other guys. Is there videos? Did she get involved with porn industry? Questions that come to mind.


The one thought that crossed my mind in reading your posts is a concern of whether she has bipolar tendencies. The high sexual appetite coupled with the need to keep secret selected elements of her past would have me concerned. I wouldn't be worried about her sexual history at this point. But I would be seeking more knowledge on her history of mental health. Depending on how well you know this woman, you could be on the verge of something that could cause much more trouble than some bedroom dissatisfaction. Tough to diagnose this from afar, of course. And I could be way, way off base. Just, proceed with caution and eyes open.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Maybe OP is caught up in past happenings because there is something subtle she is doing now that is ringing subconscious alarm bells.


OP is in need of therapy, no question. If he's hearing alarm bells, he's hearing alarm bells. If he doesn't know why, then he's got to either figure it out, or kill the alarm (move on). I'd say, in his 70s, the shorter and better path is therapy. Not so likely he'll find what could be a pretty wonderful thing again, if he moves on.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

MarriedTex said:


> The one thought that crossed my mind in reading your posts is a concern of whether she has bipolar tendencies. The high sexual appetite coupled with the need to keep secret selected elements of her past would have me concerned. I wouldn't be worried about her sexual history at this point. But I would be seeking more knowledge on her history of mental health. Depending on how well you know this woman, you could be on the verge of something that could cause much more trouble than some bedroom dissatisfaction. Tough to diagnose this from afar, of course. And I could be way, way off base. Just, proceed with caution and eyes open.


Every man and woman will be remiss to discuss their prior sex life from 50 years if they are being interrogated by someone that obviously has a problem with it.


----------



## Gomezaddams51 (Jun 15, 2020)

Kpeter said:


> I have recently started a relationship with my former college sweetheart. We have discussed our prior sexual experiences and in her case it includes discussion of 9 long term (from months to years) relationships. The sexuality in those experiences was apparently pretty banal and she said that she never got any satisfaction from having sex because the men were never interested in satisfying her as long as they had an orgasm then they were done. Since we have become intimate, she constantly wants to have sex, and we have been doing it 2 or 3 times every morning and again once or twice every night. She is very open to experimentation but when questioned always denies having any similar experiences in the past. For instance she denies ever having performed oral sex but now initiates it as though it is her favorite activity. I am starting to worry that she may not be truthful in telling me what her true experiences have been and how many partners she has had. She also refuses to talk about a period in her mid twenties that she is trying hard to forget which makes me paranoid about what she might be hiding. All she says is that me treated her badly in that time period. I am having a hard time coming to grips with her sexual past. She says she loves me and wants to be my wife but gets very angry when I try to press her on providing more details about what she refuses to discuss.


As long as you are having lots of sex go for it. What happened in the past is the past. IF you are having a hard time then dump her and find someone who you think will be better for you. My second wife, told me about her past, she said she had around 50 sexual encounters starting at 14 up through 18. She said she had another 100 between 18 to fifty. Yeah it's a lot but I have had relationships with a stripper/call girl and another woman that was a high priced hooker. So I can let it go. The only thing about the whole thing is I am jealous and wish I could have had that many encounters over my life...


----------

