# In the context of CWI, what constitutes being 'hit on'



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> (Rest of post deleted)
> 
> Do other women ever hit on you?
> 
> Now, that's a joke because you've been here for a while and seen me do it, as it's what I always ask newbs, in CWI. And they never answer that question 95% of the time. And that itself is an answer.









I've seen this advice many times on here and noticed as well that many times the op doesn't reply.

Is this because many times the op doesn't realise that they are getting hit on? After many years of marriage you could easily lose the dating radar and just not notice people coming on to you. Plus I think many people give off the 'I'm happily married' vibe (which incidentally could cause many potential suitors to try harder.)
Obviously if you are drop dead gorgeous/handsome people hit on you in a fairly obvious manner but plainer people may get hit on in more subtle ways.

If you are out of touch and hurting due to your spouses actions it would be easy to miss subtle hints.

I'm no oil painting (that's me with my granddaughter as my avatar) and I don't have a classic golden triangle. However I do have a slim V shape to my torso, keep fit and (I think) look a damn sight better than most men my age.

I've been married so long, 25 years, that I would struggle to recognise anything but an outright advance from a woman.

I often think, hours after the event, hmmm was she hitting on me?

It might be beneficial to some of the betrayed spouses to highlight some 'hitting up' techniques as they may simply miss them.

Some recent examples from my world, I don't know if these were advances or not but they certainly weren't 'normal'. The first and most recent rather shocked me!

I was out *with my wife* and granddaughters when a woman we both know came up to me, stroked my tummy (through my shirt) and said "what a lovely flat tummy."

Mrs Wysh said "Well he has put on a couple of pounds lately." "You can keep him if you want."
Whereupon the woman said "Oh goody, anytime." and gave me a nice big hug and a kiss.
True to form I had a hell of a ride from the Mrs that night in bed. 

Another one, I was shopping but was fairly well dressed. A rather attractive woman came up to me and mentioned that the shop had run out of a particular herb and would I know where to get some.
I mentioned that I probably had some in my spice rack, I lived nearby and she could have some if she liked.

"Oh yes please." she said.

I then mentioned that my wife was home and I would ask her to make sure we had some.

The woman then said "Oh never mind, I'll just look in the next shop instead."
That could have been purely innocent but I was suspicious.

So what to you would 'hit on' mean?

It can be difficult to differentiate between a friendly response and somebody putting out tentative feelers to test your availability.

Or is being hit on far less subtle than that?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

_Another one, I was shopping but was fairly well dressed. A rather attractive woman came up to me and mentioned that the shop had run out of a particular herb and would I know where to get some.
I mentioned that I probably had some in my spice rack, I lived nearby and she could have some if she liked.

"Oh yes please." she said.

I then mentioned that my wife was home and I would ask her to make sure we had some.

The woman then said "Oh never mind, I'll just look in the next shop instead."_

Nothing subtle about this.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Philat said:


> _Another one, I was shopping but was fairly well dressed. A rather attractive woman came up to me and mentioned that the shop had run out of a particular herb and would I know where to get some.
> I mentioned that I probably had some in my spice rack, I lived nearby and she could have some if she liked.
> 
> "Oh yes please." she said.
> ...


I know.

But at the time I didn't really think much of it. I'm a faithful guy, naturally gregarious and not a 'player'.

It was only afterwards that I thought :scratchhead:

Which is sort of what I mean by this post. Often people are asked "do you get hit on?" but if you aren't the player type you could get hit on without realising it sometimes.

If their first hit is met by a "I'm married vibe" either consciously or unconsciously, then maybe they just move on.

If you are out of the game how do you recognise it?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

If you're "not in the game" you can also act like you're playing without knowing it. Inviting an attractive stranger to your home to check out your spice rack sends out a certain signal, I would think. She picked up on it, then you confused her by mentioning your wife.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

I have always been friendly to everyone and admit I'm naive in assuming they are just being friendly also. Subtle doesn't register with me. I stumble though life, clueless unless someone is blatant and direct. 

To answer your question, unfortunately many of us aren't apt to recognize it due to the simple fact that we aren't looking. However, the follow up to the dialogue in the store example is perfect to correct a misinterpreted message.

I don't want to cramp my style and get overly cautious about the rare few taking it the wrong way.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

I got hit on by a guy at Walmart a month or so ago.. I usually notice the ladies, it's obvious enough, but this one was new for me. Took me a few to realize this guy wasn't really all that interested in what I was buying or why...


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Philat said:


> If you're "not in the game" you can also act like you're playing without knowing it. Inviting an attractive stranger to your home to check out your spice rack sends out a certain signal, I would think. She picked up on it, then you confused her by mentioning your wife.


I hadn't looked at it from that angle.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Philat said:


> _Another one, I was shopping but was fairly well dressed. A rather attractive woman came up to me and mentioned that the shop had run out of a particular herb and would I know where to get some.
> I mentioned that I probably had some in my spice rack, I lived nearby and she could have some if she liked.
> 
> "Oh yes please." she said.
> ...


I've never heard anyone actually use the "I have some in my spice rack at home" pickup line.. smooth as silk...


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

russell28 said:


> I've never heard anyone actually use the "I have some in my spice rack at home" pickup line.. smooth as silk...


Well I suppose it beats, "would you like to see my etchings?"

Or "would you like to see my music collection?"

And I love to cook, I cook nearly all our meals at home so it is an area I am probably blind on.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Well I suppose it beats, "would you like to see my etchings?"
> 
> Or "would you like to see my music collection?"



Why not just be honest, "would you like to see my rack"..


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

russell28 said:


> I got hit on by a guy at Walmart a month or so ago.. I usually notice the ladies, it's obvious enough, but this one was new for me. Took me a few to realize this guy wasn't really all that interested in what I was buying or why...


I think this is the difference though.

I have no idea how handsome or how old you are (28?) but if you are used to being 'hit on' you probably notice it more.

If you are more of a plain Jane/John it happens less frequently. For instance my two examples are months apart, other guys may get hit on all the time.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

russell28 said:


> I got hit on by a guy at Walmart a month or so ago.. I usually notice the ladies, it's obvious enough, but this one was new for me. Took me a few to realize this guy wasn't really all that interested in what I was buying or why...


So what sort of ways do you get hit on?

Is it just very direct or is it more of a fishing expedition?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Mods, hope it's ok to post this question here. I would normally post something like this elsewhere in the forum but as this advice/question is used quite often in CWI I thought it might be more apt to post it here.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> So what sort of ways do you get hit on?
> 
> Is it just very direct or is it more of a fishing expedition?


Fishing, like just conversation... I've had more obvious offers, like someone having to stop at her apartment, then wanting to show me her bedroom, and bouncing on her bed telling me how she wants me.. I said that I really should go.. (I'm married) 

Asking right out, 'want to go to my place for lunch?'.. often it's just small talk, that shows interest.. and the eye contact, looking at your lips or crotch when they talk to you.. flashing you their boobs..


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> I think this is the difference though.
> 
> I have no idea how handsome or how old you are (28?) but if you are used to being 'hit on' you probably notice it more.
> 
> If you are more of a plain Jane/John it happens less frequently. For instance my two examples are months apart, other guys may get hit on all the time.


That is one silver lining I noticed as I got older. Dealing with awkward moments are few and far between. My friendly style never was flirty, but when I was younger and in better shape, you could just say the weather is nice and they thought it was bait.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

russell28 said:


> Fishing, like just conversation... I've had more obvious offers, like someone having to stop at her apartment, then wanting to show me her bedroom, and bouncing on her bed telling me how she wants me.. I said that I really should go.. (I'm married)
> 
> Asking right out, 'want to go to my place for lunch?'.. often it's just small talk, that shows interest.. and the eye contact, looking at your lips or crotch when they talk to you.. flashing you their boobs..


Wow.

Never ever had that.

Perhaps this is the difference in people that Mach and others are talking about?


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## MrHappyHat (Oct 24, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> I was out *with my wife* and granddaughters when a woman we both know came up to me, stroked my tummy (through my shirt) and said "what a lovely flat tummy."
> 
> Mrs Wysh said "Well he has put on a couple of pounds lately." "You can keep him if you want."
> Whereupon the woman said "Oh goody, anytime." and gave me a nice big hug and a kiss.
> True to form I had a hell of a ride from the Mrs that night in bed.


Heh.

OW: Your husband is attractive.

Mrs W: No he's not.

OW: Yes. Yes he is.

Mrs W: Dammit! My husband camouflaging strategy has failed!


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

When I was married I was completely oblivious to being hit on, and it happened a lot. I had the mentality that if I wasn't interested, it didn't matter if they were.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Well I suppose it beats, "would you like to see my etchings?"
> 
> Or "would you like to see my music collection?"
> 
> And I love to cook, I cook nearly all our meals at home so it is an area I am probably blind on.


I told a girl one time that I had an interesting clock at home that I'd love to show her. It worked.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Nucking Futs said:


> I told a girl one time that I had an interesting clock at home that I'd love to show her. It worked.


I wonder if she mis-heard you the first time, loud room "huh? Oh, clock... sure....


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

In all my married years, I've been hit on maybe 5-6 times that I know of. 

I remember them all.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> In all my married years, I've been hit on maybe 5-6 times that I know of.
> 
> I remember them all.


That you recall.

Being a married man I would assume you are out of touch compared to a single man.

You may have unknowingly shut down fishing attempts more often than you realise.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Wow.
> 
> Never ever had that.
> 
> Perhaps this is the difference in people that Mach and others are talking about?


Yeah, that extreme stuff happens. I was at an "end of the fiscal year party" for my old agency, a married woman came over where is was sitting, kneels down and says to me loud enough for the woman next to me to hear, "I want your **** in my *****." 

Now that's extreme, but that's exactly what your friend was saying when complimenting your physique, she just used socially acceptable language that wouldn't torpedo her friendship with your wife.

that's also a great example of the power of a flat belly.

Also, your wife's response later was classically stereotypical.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Wow.
> 
> Never ever had that.
> 
> Perhaps this is the difference in people that Mach and others are talking about?


If you're at the grocery store and some woman comes up to you and starts talking out of the blue about your opinion on something, that's getting hit on. If you're vacuuming your car and a woman comes up and tells you how much she loves that model and asks to sit in it, you're being hit on. If a woman comes up to you and starts smiling and talking to you enthusiastically about you and you've no idea who she is and she reminds you that she came to your office three months ago about something or other, you're being hit on. If a woman comes up an sits in your lap and puts your hand innocently on her breast, you're being hit on.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

WyshIknew said:


> That you recall.
> 
> Being a married man I would assume you are out of touch compared to a single man.
> 
> You may have unknowingly shut down fishing attempts more often than you realise.


This is why I said "that I know of".


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> If you're at the grocery store and some woman comes up to you and starts talking out of the blue about your opinion on something, that's getting hit on. If you're vacuuming your car and a woman comes up and tells you how much she loves that model and asks to sit in it, you're being hit on. If a woman comes up to you and starts smiling and talking to you enthusiastically about you and you've no idea who she is and she reminds you that she came to your office three months ago about something or other, you're being hit on. If a woman comes up an sits in your lap and puts your hand innocently on her breast, you're being hit on.


Apart from your last example you might also get a similar scenario from a very friendly person. Even as a young man I wasn't much of a 'player' so you might ask me or someone like me if I get hit on and I would say never or rarely. The reality may be that they actually get hit on quite often without realising it.
It might take some woman to stuff a guys hand down their knickers or up her blouse for them to realise that they are getting hit on.

Extreme example I know but some people are a bit clueless about that sort of thing.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> Apart from your last example you might also get a similar scenario from a very friendly person. Even as a young man I wasn't much of a 'player' so you might ask me or someone like me if I get hit on and I would say never or rarely. The reality may be that they actually get hit on quite often without realising it.
> It might take some woman to stuff a guys hand down their knickers or up her blouse for them to realise that they are getting hit on.
> 
> Extreme example I know but some people are a bit clueless about that sort of thing.


That's why it pays to know the behavioral signs and body language. Toying with hair, lip licking, grabbing your hand, etc. Plus, I actually think some women don't realize that their body and actions are saying something that the cortex doesn't want to say, but the limbic brain does want to say.

KWIM?


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Married and oblivious... hell, I think I was too when I was single.

Grocery store. At the grocery store, one of the aisle displays cut the lane in half. There was an attractive woman my age standing there I’d seen around before. So, I made my presence known. She glanced, and took a step (but didn’t see the display behind her). I pointed it out. She seemed embarrassed, but then... She started joking around that she’s been working out since she knew her ass was getting big (it isn’t) but didn’t think it was that big and was glad it was just that display that blocked the aisle. Laughs, smiles, and she just stood looking at me while I maneuvered my cart around her position. As best as I can read body language, she was baiting to see if I’d comment about her ass and flirt... Of coarse though that didn’t occur to me until I was in the checkout lane :/ 

The other that occurs to me is I think she lives two houses down with her husband and four kids. I’ve watched her jog past with her dog every day for 5 years when I go home for lunch... but we’ve never talked or been introduced. So was it a pass? If she recognized me she knows I have kids and a wife too........ So it may have been a bit more friendly since she knows I know she works out and jogs and that I’d be “safe” (married) to say such a thing.

It’s bugged me for months now.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

@ Racer - she probably just wanted you to acknowledge the hard work she has done on her body... especially knowing that she has had kids. Really puts us through the wringer, and sometimes it is much harder for some to bounce back from. If her self esteem took a hit due to having children, her insecurities may have been baiting you.

Either that, or she is a ho.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Pepper123 said:


> @ Racer - she probably just wanted you to acknowledge the hard work she has done on her body... especially knowing that she has had kids. Really puts us through the wringer, and sometimes it is much harder for some to bounce back from. If her self esteem took a hit due to having children, her insecurities may have been baiting you.
> 
> Either that, or she is a ho.


lol... exactly! (her youngest is HS btw, the rest are college...) Drives me bonkers it can be one extreme or the other! What stranger kicks up a conversation about their ass? I think it was fishing.... Self-esteem/body issues. But I'd be a pervert to flag her down jogging and tell her she has a nice butt just to give her ego a boost. Then she'd spend the next month pondering whether I made a pass or not too..


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

russell28 said:


> Fishing, like just conversation... I've had more obvious offers, like someone having to stop at her apartment, then wanting to show me her bedroom, and bouncing on her bed telling me how she wants me.. I said that I really should go.. (I'm married)


Why did you go alone to a woman's apartment? Unless you are a contractor or interior decorator, why would she then need to show you her bedroom?

If a guy wants me to show me his apartment and/or bedroom, I know what he's doing. I knew that in my 20's and still in my 40's.


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

I had a kid hit on me last year and the same one just the other day. He works at target. Im only 28 but I was buying king sized bedding and new pillows and was talking with him about how they are (the pillows) meant to be really good, he said he would have to come around and try them out one day :O. Then he saw I had some textas and was like "really? You planning on colouring in?" im like " they are for my kids" he says "oh" then my partner and kids catch up to me at the check outs and the kids goes "oh... OOHHH...." lol Told my partner and he got a bit jealous lol said he would go bash him 'for me'. lol The next time was a bit more embarrassing because I was buying sexy lingerie and he was the only check out open. lol


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I almost never realise I am being hit on. My wife has said on several occasions: "So-and-so is after you." But I can't see why they would want me. 

However, she's always being right. She told me that my EA AP was after me, but I refused to believe it. But see where that got me?

There was one time when I realised I was being hit on. It was a bit complicated. We had got together for a drink from work in the pub.

Eventually there were four of us left, three work colleagues -including me- and the sister of the woman in the group.

The married male colleague said something that made it clear he and our colleague was having an affair. Which surprised me.

And what really surprised me was her sister decided to plaster herself over me and began singing to me in a very seductive manner!

She asked me to kiss her and I thought: "Dear God! Why me?"

I explained that I was married and she grinned and said: "So?"

I then whispered to her: "I can't cheat on her. Not again." She suddenly stopped and nodded, saying: "OK. You're a good man, Matt."

She disengaged and after a decent interval, I went home.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

I get hit on a lot here, not bad looking and have a way with horses, a lot of our clients are women and use their hoses as an escape from their marriage, and when they come strolling into my barn they think they just bought a ticket on the lotto.

I have a stalker at present, a young girl in her late teens, alays hanging round my place and when my W is away she really dolls up, I do keep wondering why my moral compass can't be left in the drawer sometimes as she is a little sweety, young and naive with nice "personality" 

I actually have a thread about being hit on, just not in a good way!!!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/103314-proud-myself-exposing-cheater.html

Happy to know I can pick up chicks but do make a point of showing them that I am unavailable too.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

wranglerman said:


> I get hit on a lot here, not bad looking and have a way with horses, a lot of our clients are women and use their hoses as an escape from their marriage, and when they come strolling into my barn they think they just bought a ticket on the lotto.
> 
> I have a stalker at present, a young girl in her late teens, alays hanging round my place and when my W is away she really dolls up, I do keep wondering why my moral compass can't be left in the drawer sometimes as she is a little sweety, young and naive with nice "personality"
> 
> ...


Yes, read your thread.

Shocking to be honest. And the repercussions are still going on, saw you posted an update.

That kind of thing and what Russell28 mentioned has never happened to me, not that I want it to, but it does make you wonder what makes some guys different. Probably good looks have a lot to do with it.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Yes, read your thread.
> 
> Shocking to be honest. And the repercussions are still going on, saw you posted an update.
> 
> That kind of thing and what Russell28 mentioned has never happened to me, not that I want it to, but it does make you wonder what makes some guys different.* Probably good looks have a lot to do with it*.


Nah, looks aint nothing without substance and aire, Yes a hot guy can easy get hit on but a guy with confidence and an aire in his manner can get hit on in painters pants and ripped T shirt, or like me, in my Wranglers and buckles got my stetson on and riding in my pick up can be a hoot 

Body buff gets them hot, confidence and manner gets them wet


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

When I was younger I didn't have a clue I was being hit on
My wife had to inform me when it was happening. Even up to about 4 years ago, I was still pretty clueless.

I was going through EMT training and there were a lot of very young adults in the class. I was around 38 but I look about 10-15 years younger on average (it's embarrassing BTW, I get hit on by women younger than my oldest child).
Anyway, this one young lady took an interest in me, she knew I was married, and I didn't have a clue.

We all studied as a group and got together outside of class on several occasions. I was never alone with her.

After some time my wife came along to one of our get togethers and immediately knew this woman was after me. She was 100% right and after I realized it I broke all contact with her and even some mutual friends we had made.

Since then I have become very aware of women's advances.

The most humorous one recently, I was going shopping at target with a buddy and when I got to the check out, I had misplaced some cash I was planning on using.

When the young lady at the counter saw me looking confused, she asked if I needed any help.

I responded that I just thought I had some money in my pants. Without hesitation, she asked if I would like her to check my pants for me. 

She had an open invitation smile and seemed very pleasant.

I was stunned and at a loss for words. After an awkward silence, she made a joke and I was grateful for the out.
Went home and told the Mrs and had a good laugh.
Other than direct hits, I think people always have their "feelers" out to judge mutual attractions and I think that is normal and healthy.

Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you are trying to pick them up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> When the young lady at the counter saw me looking confused, she asked if I needed any help.
> 
> I responded that I just thought I had some money in my pants. Without hesitation, she asked if I would like her to check my pants for me.
> 
> She had an open invitation smile and seemed very pleasant.


Remember when 7-11 used to have cold drinks up front in ice? I was digging around and a nice looking blonde girl was paying and watching me. She came over and asked what I was looking for. I answered "A cream soda." She smiled and said, "I can help you put your own cream in it." I said "What?"


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> Why did you go alone to a woman's apartment? Unless you are a contractor or interior decorator, why would she then need to show you her bedroom?
> 
> If a guy wants me to show me his apartment and/or bedroom, I know what he's doing. I knew that in my 20's and still in my 40's.


I realized after what I had done wrong, she gave me a ride somewhere, and claimed she had to stop at her house.. etc.. etc... I let it go too far, shouldn't have even called her. I had no idea I was giving off any vibe that said I wanted to go there.. She was a girl I hung out with for years, had a crush on, but always respected that she had a boyfriend. At this point he was out of the picture, and she had a baby and a baby daddy... That was the last time I ever spoke to her, and at the time, I told my wife exactly what happened, and that I was sorry I let it get to that point.

She knew my wife... we all went to school together, we even hung out a few times, but at that point I didn't think of her in a sexual way at all because I had a deep love for my wife. I saw it as disrespect to my wife, and also wondered if she was diseased because she was so willing and easy.. not a turn on at all, I had to beg her to bring me home... I was in my 20's, but not very aware of when I was putting myself at risk.. it was one of my learning experiences.


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> If you're at the grocery store and some woman comes up to you and starts talking out of the blue about your opinion on something, that's getting hit on. If you're vacuuming your car and a woman comes up and tells you how much she loves that model and asks to sit in it, you're being hit on. If a woman comes up to you and starts smiling and talking to you enthusiastically about you and you've no idea who she is and she reminds you that she came to your office three months ago about something or other, you're being hit on. If a woman comes up an sits in your lap and puts your hand innocently on her breast, you're being hit on.


A good looking, younger gal crashed her shopping cart into mine recently. Was I being hit on? It was in the middle of an aisle, not rounding a corner.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WayUpNorth said:


> A good looking, younger gal crashed her shopping cart into mine recently. Was I being hit on? It was in the middle of an aisle, not rounding a corner.


Did she look you right in the eye and start licking her lips extravagantly, while gently rocking the interlocked carts back and forth?


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Wysh glad you started this thread...I have been going back and for with hubby on this one. Hubs thinks everyone is hitting on me...really I am 50 yrs old not 20. So at work I go to lunch with a group of people all the time. Lately a guy in our group has started joining us. I noticed that he makes a point of looking me in the eyes all the time and smiling alot. He only made one comment that seemed inappropriate but it actually made no sense. He is also my junior by atleast 7 yrs...I think he is just being friendly. Hubs says I am naive and trust to much. So what do you think.

I am cautious so I now am eating at my desk more.... find excuses not to go when he asks about lunch.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

mineforever said:


> Wysh glad you started this thread...I have been going back and for with hubby on this one. Hubs thinks everyone is hitting on me...really I am 50 yrs old not 20. So at work I go to lunch with a group of people all the time. Lately a guy in our group has started joining us. I noticed that he makes a point of looking me in the eyes all the time and smiling alot. He only made one comment that seemed inappropriate but it actually made no sense. He is also my junior by atleast 7 yrs...I think he is just being friendly. Hubs says I am naive and trust to much. So what do you think.
> 
> I am cautious so I now am eating at my desk more.... find excuses not to go when he asks about lunch.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The only way to know is to keep going to lunch. If he's into you, he'll escalate and isolate. He'll make it a point to sit next to you or across from you whenever possible. If you've got a good figure you can expect to get hit on by guys 30 and up. They ain't after "love," though.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

If it wasn't for the direct eye contact and smiling I wouldn't have noticed anything. It was a change in his normal behavior thats why I noticed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Oldrandwisr said:


> I have always been friendly to everyone and admit I'm naive in assuming they are just being friendly also. Subtle doesn't register with me. I stumble though life, clueless unless someone is blatant and direct.
> 
> To answer your question, unfortunately many of us aren't apt to recognize it due to the simple fact that we aren't looking. However, the follow up to the dialogue in the store example is perfect to correct a misinterpreted message.
> 
> I don't want to cramp my style and get overly cautious about the rare few taking it the wrong way.


Come on, you're not really that naive. You invited a lady to your house. either to just satisfy your jollies that you still got it, or to tweak your wife a little bit.

It doesn't pass the smell test that you just wanted be helpful.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

mineforever said:


> If it wasn't for the direct eye contact and smiling I wouldn't have noticed anything. It was a change in his normal behavior thats why I noticed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There you go. Now just sit back and watch him try to isolate and escalate.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I don't want that! I am avoiding him so he will quit it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

mineforever said:


> I don't want that! I am avoiding him so he will quit it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Forewarned is forearmed Mine.

Not saying that you would be vulnerable or that he is the type but many men target married women. There are even websites devoted to picking up married women.

If you know the techniques at least you know that you are dealing with a 'player'.

I don't know how to say this without seeming a little inappropriate so I'm just going to say it, you would be quite the catch for some of these guys.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

You know I guess thats my problem I don't know "the signs", only dated one man and I married him 31 yrs ago. I really don't know that I have this radar people have. On top of that I asked him out the first time. Well since I am ignoring him, he should go away right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

mineforever said:


> You know I guess thats my problem, only dated one man and I married him 31 yrs ago. I really don't know that I have this radar people have. On top of that I asked him out the first time. Well since I am ignoring him, he should go away right.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hopefully yes.

If he doesn't get the message you may have to be direct.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Hardware store today, just wanted a pot to touch up the kitchen doors, whilt browsing with a vague idea a woman starts talking and whilst looking me sqaure in the eyes she asked me "what color should I have painted in my bedroom, I like peach its warm and loving but wodered what you might like?".

I went with black, then suddenly thought in my mind that she might like it more in a seedy dungeon sort of way 

God dammit I gotta go back tomorrow as I grabbed the closest I could see and ran :rofl::rofl:


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