# 2 weeks since court. confused roller coaster. NEED advice!



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Its been two weeks since we went to court for our dissolution. What a crazy two weeks its been. Despite the advice of everyone I know, I did meet the ex for lunch. What is clear is that neither one of use is really happy things are over. If you have seen any of my other posts, you will know that my ex-monster in law (who hates men) was a big part of my divorce. I think she is the #1 reason why things are so confusing right now.

In the past month here has been the trajectory of events with my ex: early january lawyers office she wouldnt even make eye contact with me, no contact for a month (i actually felt great), court: wife was really pleasant, after court: lunch, that night massive ammounts of text from wife about getting back together/her being miserable, then about 3 days of insane texts/calls from ex blaming me for everything that went wrong (in all honesty she admitted in december it was 50/50-i would say 60/40 her, but nonetheless), i told her to leave me alone, no contact for about a week, renewed texts from her saying that she is sad its over and asking about our dogs (which she still refers to as our "kids"), now we have simple, pleasant texts.

During the week after our court meeting I actually went on two different dates. One of the girls I really liked and we decided we should take things very slow as she is also divorced.

So now, for my dilemma: part of me wants to keep in communication with the ex (if it remains friendly) and see if anything happens there. Part of me thinks that doing so is absolutely INSANE and will only hold back my recovery from this whole thing. What do I do??? Everyone I know who has been divorced said for mental health sake you should have no contact at all (we dont have kids).

Its soooo damn confusing.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You just went through a really difficult and painful process for a reason (or reasons). Have those things gone away magically? If not, why would you expect things to be better now?

C


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

good point: over the summer she asked me to go to MC. I balked because she mentioned that she might want her mom to come to, which I felt was really weird.
After she moved out I mentioned MC to her, but she said she felt it was too late.
Now all she seems to focus on is that she thinks Im a much better person and that she is jealous because my next girlfriend will get the guy she always wanted.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Until she fixes her overly dependent relationship with her mother (and it does not sound like she is so inclined) then I'd say you are going to get the same results over and over. 

Mother has let her/she hasn't wanted to separate into an independent person. The daughter will never have healthy relationships.

Put this behind you and find someone who is ready for a real relationship.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

You don't have kids so there's no reason to have contact with her. She sounds truly messed up. You divorced her for a reason and I'm assuming the reason still stands. Go dark on her and tell her you'd rather not have contact with her at this time and do it. Block her texts and don't answer her calls. 

You felt great for a reason when you didn't have anything to do with her. Go with your gut. You are in a very vulnerable position right now. You need to connect with _yourself_ and make the break with her before you can commit to anyone else emotionally. Even if you WERE to get back together with her, you need to do this so you can think rationally, rather than emotionally. 

A "Mamma's Girl." . I knew a guy that was married to one of those. What a miserable situation.


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## swetecynamome (Feb 15, 2013)

The boundaries seem very ill-defined, at least from your ex's perspective. It sounds like you will have to be the one to set that boundary so hard and so high she can't penetrate or climb over. 

And I agree with a poster above: Anyone who is that attached to their mother is not ready for a real relationship. Although it sounds like the mother somehow became the problem in your relationship, according to your explanation, it is very odd that your ex suggest she be a part of the counseling. Maybe she could have joined in a session or two, I don't know, but holy cow.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

You don't have kids? Then why the eff would you want to keep talking to someone that is such a drain on you?

Who cares if you can keep it civil, what possible reason could you have for wanting to keep this person in your life?

Cut her out and move on, consider yourself lucky.


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