# initaition of sex



## curiousfreddie (Feb 15, 2012)

Let me start by saying that my wife is a wonderful woman and I have loved her for almost 18 years. Here is my problem, and when I say “my problem” I take full blame for our stagnate & dismal sex life. I am horrible at starting sex with my wife. Can you give me some advice on how to get better at this? I’m tired of treating our sex life like a curious school boy. Even if we go to bed at the same time I will snuggle up to her and still don’t give her decisive signals that I want to have sex. HELP! This is frustrating her to the point of anger. She doesn’t ask for much, but this is really upsetting her. She has been asking me to improve this for years but I just don’t know how. Prior to marriage I don’t remember having this issue. Thanks for your advice.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So, why don't you start initiating more? What's stopping you from taking the snuggling to kissing to kissing passionately and caressing? Do you not want to, do you fear rejection, what's going through your mind?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## curiousfreddie (Feb 15, 2012)

I think the fear of rejection has alot to do with it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And is your fear "reasonable", as in, has she rejected you often? Have you talked to her about your fear?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

This should start before you even hit the bedroom. During the day or when you get home from work give her a hug and a kiss and whisper in her ear that you cant wait to fool around later.

Try this. This is simple and it will put a big smile on her face.

We want an update within the next 48 hours. Stop being a whimp.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

THIS place is often recommended in situations like yours.

IMO, it's usually better to set forth for a positive goal rather than to get all introspective about your faults, especially if a fault relates to a lack of confidence. Otherwise all you do is reinforce it.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

How about asking her? You guys have been together long enough that you really shouldn't be guessing at what approach would turn her on.

Your fear of rejection will only get reinforced if you suddenly come on too strong and she responds with "I'm not a piece of meat" or some variation thereof. 

I find you usually can't go wrong with some intense ( but not sloppy) passionate kissing.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I think the fear of rejecion comes because you focus on the sex act itself as your goal. You've been married a long time. You should know if she'll resist when you pull her close after dinner for a passionate kiss. If your goal in going to bed is a passionate kiss, or something that normally turns her on, make that your goal for now. Being bold in the step that is already a sure bet is all a healthy marriage should need to get things started. Mentally, if you really fear her rejection, tell yourself that tonight, you want to see her pleasure when you give her that kiss that always makes her melt. Let the next steps take care of themself.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Come home for work if she is there say "were is my beautiful wife" something like that be excited to see her pick her up take her to the bedroom lay her down and be intimate. Include lots of foreplay 

On weekends hang out a lot do things together have fun laugh that will help with the connections.

Just randomly when it seems appropriate no major distractions kiss her she will kiss back than start touching her more and more have sex on the couch on the floor, on the kitchen table in the bedroom etc etc etc.

Not really hard to initiate just touch her you are married she wont reject you most of the time.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I am another MMSL fan. Get the book. I don't ask for sex anymore, I just go for it or tell her that I am planning on it. If she says no (rare) I just say, OK, and go about my business.

She WANTS you to initiate, so just take her in you arms, passionately kiss her, tell her how much you desire her, and go for it. You might also try sending some sexy texts throughout the day telling her what is in store for her later.


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## finebyme72 (Jul 12, 2011)

Or what about scheduling sex? Compromise on the number and stick to it. This way there is no fear of rejection. It may take some of the mystery and spontaneity out of lovemaking but it deals with the other issue.


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## curiousfreddie (Feb 15, 2012)

Romantic guy: What does MMSL stand for. I'm new to these forums and still trying to understand all the acronyms. Thanks.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Yes, I know I am still trying to figure out some of the acronyms myself! It stands for Married Man Sex Life and you can find the info. here:

Married Man Sex Life


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

Next time she is in the shower and you know she has nothing scheduled, surprise her by suddenly joining her. One thing should lead to another and you both have some great fun!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi curriousfreddie ~

My advice to you - since you acknowledge that part of the issue is yours, then if you truly want things to be better, you are going to have to 'bite the bullet', do the hard work on yourself that you need, and try and improve the things that you can. Part of that would be holding your wife accountable for her set of issues that she may be bringing to the table in this area.

If you've been around the forum long enough, you will have seen many references to the "Married Man Sex Life (MMSL)" blog/book. It is one confidence-building tool that is in your arsenal.

So think about what other confidence-building tools you have within your grasp, such as the following:

1 - working on your physical body to improve your health (both mental and physical) and your self-confidence/demeanor

2 - working on your emotional self - perhaps engaging in IC (individual counseling) if you have self-confidence issues such that you feel you cannot address them on your own, or you feel hopelessly lost in how to begin to address them

3 - working on your mental self - engaging your mind/body in activities that you enjoy - hobbies, reading, building, whatever. They do not need to be activities that your wife engages in. They should be activities that you can engage in on your own and get a sense of value and self-worth from.

4 - working on your spiritual self - engaging your abilities for pondering, self-contemplation, dreaming, meditating -whatever works for you. It should be a part that allows you to see outside yourself and your situation to the greater parts of the world and life and how you are inter-connected with that.

The hardest part for many people is trying to take that first step. But each step you take will take you closer and closer to your goal, even if you feel like you may be meandering at times.

Start to take those steps today - and even that bit of work will start to boost your self-confidence.

Best wishes.


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