# PTSD plus insecurity worst than War experience



## ATP (Oct 18, 2014)

We have been married 30 years, known each other 34. Never cheated on each other. But its hell being accused of having done so. I am actively receiving help to address PTSD conditions. I do blame myself for a rocky relationship within the past 6 years...what relationship isn't after returning from war? What I fail to want to accept is my spouse continues to have a grudge/insecurity of a former female friend from before my wife and I met. NOTE: my former female friend and I called each other boyfriend and girlfriend during Junior High School. When she disappeared from the neighborhood in the middle of 8th grade and my father died a few months later, I know now I was pretty darn depressed:
All that changed when I met my wife. My wife and I met in 9th grade and after High School, married a year later after graduation. This girl made me forget Marybeth and had not thought of her until my wife and her crossed paths at my mothers house while I was deployed to the 1st Gulf War. My wife new of her because I did tell her about a former female friend who just vanished. After that incident my wife became insecure, but I dealt with it and always assured her there was no extra-marital relationships with her. Being away with my military career helped leave this behind. In 2008, we received a call from my sister that Social Services removed my nieces two month old baby from her care. My wife got on a plane and we took custody of Dan, adopted him in mid 2010. In 2011, we got word of another child removed from my nieces care, we took her in at 7 months and adopted her in 2012. So...we definitely have had our fair share of stresses, family drama, my PTSD, trying to reconcile with our marriage. We accepted this was another bump in the road and things WILL get better. Four months ago, my sister found herself having to rent my mother's house out to help herself through financial issues. Who did she rent it to? Marybeth. My wife lost it. WHY!? she yelled at my sister, "Of all people, why her?" My sister said Marybeth was very close to them and was there for my mother during my entire career in the military. Marybeth nursed my mother until my mom died in 2010. I asked my sister why was this kept such a secret. Her reply was to avoid an ill situation between my wife and I. So all my visits home, holidays, vacations...Marybeth was told to hide. No one in the family mentioned her. I was as shocked as my wife was and felt humiliated. I cannot bring my wife to believe me that I had no idea this was going on. My mom passed away but now I feel anger towards her. More puzzling, my mother didn't even like Marybeth and couldn't stand her stepping foot in our yard. My mom was even relieved Marybeth disappeared when she did. How did this girl manage to make herself part of the family has me clueless. A girl I once liked a lot, I hate dearly. My wife asked me to choose between my family or our marriage. (So...I have distance myself and have no contact with my brother, sister, cousins, surviving aunt-my mother's sister...entire relationship with my blood relatives). I made my choice and chose my wife. I have no contact with my family and haven't done so for the past 4 months, but I feel its effecting my PTSD treatments now. Now she has asked me to delete all close friends I served with during the Iraq war...a childhood friend is back from Germany and called he wanted to come by and catch up on lost time. My wife does not want his company...and she knows how close we are, we three grew up together. My wife, my friend and I went everywhere together in our teen years. She also wants me to distance myself from him. My wife doesn't help me with our adopted children, I take Dan to school, attend all school meetings, events etc. Work on school projects, take them to the park...just doing things I missed with our older kids. But feels like I am living a single parent life. My wife stays tuned to Dr. Phil and every reality show through the week. She'll spend an average of 2 to 3 hours giving attention to the kiddos in a day and then locks herself up in the room again. I'll find things to keep the kids entertained. I am beginning to consider divorce, I'm obviously making my wife miserable. She is reluctant to receive marriage counseling because one of the talk showed stated, after 25 years of marriage, marriage counseling was too late. I still love my wife but very disappointed I can't turn her around.
Between 2006 to the present:
I have lost 2 soldiers...KIA
lost one soldier to suicide
three soldiers inflicted wounds from a sniper fire
witness a soldier burn alive in a tank
2010-Had to knock on a door to inform their son was Killed in Action (I was instructed to do this service, six days after I buried my mother)
Adopted 2 kids
Had 3 surgeries on my back, two disc replacements on my neck and one in my lower back (combat related-road side bomb).
Its been harder after the war than being in it.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I don't know any guy who would not flip a gasket over this behavior.

The relationship was brief and puppy love. I have to say...this 

Marybeth...is there something YOU don't know about but your 

family does? Your Ws actions indicate this too. She knows something is 

there (something...maybe she is not sure you are aware of or not).

Being PTSD, I prefer to call it shell shocked, has the original intended

meaning, and a soldier...you are taught to think differently than civilians 

and brought back a part of the War (vast majority do)

Keep in mind, your wife is still a civilian.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

What catches my eye the most in that is that your wife appears to be distanced form the children you've adopted. All the rest aside, you can't change this without passing off these poor children to another family member and we both know that ain't right and ain't happening. You aren't the only one that will feel the effects here. The kids will also. 

If I were in your shoes, I'd never distance myself from family or tight friends, especially brothers that get my issues, for a wife unwilling to work out the issue reasonably. I mean it's not like she's saying 'Your friend Joe is a dirty alcoholic perv and has to go.' She's saying you have to give up everyone in your life basically, because she's insecure over a Jr High friend.

Have you asked around to see what happened to make Mary Beth disappear all those years ago? How she came to be at your mother's side all this time? If I was you I'd be pretty f#%$&#%^ curious about that. 

But yeah. There's some stuff our wives or civilians will never understand about us. Just another square peg trying to squeeze into a round hole brother.


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