# Finding things tough going



## bob76 (Nov 12, 2011)

I'm finding things tough going at the moment as i've had to make an important decision to start moving my life forward and struggling.

Having got married just over 18 months ago i started having problems between myself and my wife after just 4 months. Pretty much she just stopped talking to me and was distancing herself from me with no apparent reason. When i tried to talk to her about it all i got back was the same answer I dont know what the problem is. slowly things got worse and worse and no matter what i tried i couldn't get her to talk or open up to me.

This continued and got progressivley worse she started staying out at different friends and when i confronted her just became very aggresive and still would converse with me. finally things came to a head almost a year ago and she moved out.

since then i have been on a roller coaster ride of spending time with her and getting back to how we were only to have the door completely shut my face with no warning. This cycle continued until recently with the most recent occasion just a few weeks ago where she was staying round or i was staying at hers and enjoying each other company and begging to talk to through things and moving on to have a good time. Once again just as i we both seemed to be getting on she stopped talking and contacting me again.

There has been a hell of a lot of really unreassonable behaviour with very little regard for how i am being hurt, and i've also found out that she has been out for a drink with another mana few months ago inbetween us getting on, although she says nothing else happened, . There have been instances where she has lied and/or just left things out that may have reflected badly on her and i've later found out.

Having been through so much hurt and having tried everything i can to resolve matters I find i can't carry on like this anymore. I'm a pretty reasonable and down to earth guy but feel i've let this go on to long as it is, and feel i have really put myself through the mincer in trying to get back what we had before we were married, when we were very close and got on so well.

I now want to move on and start the ball rolling on getting seperated but at the same time i'm finding my confidence has been really hit and worry about the future. I guess this is partly that alot of my previously single friends have settled down and I feel a little isolated and unsure of what i have to offer people. Not sure when the right time is to start trying to meet other women either.

just wandering if anyone else has gone through similar or has any suggestions or similar experiences


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Yes, my H and I had a great and I mean a great relationship till I made him marry me LOLOL but in all serious some people just dont want to be married or don't know how to function in a marriage. Their behavior comes off as distant or unloving. I don't think they know themselves the answer to their fears, but the do know they want freedom and their happiness even at the extent of yours. It took me a while but I learned that they have that right, and it is our plight to find another level of happiness for ourselves. I started the ball moving forward months ago, but I had my season of crying and the deepest pain I had ever felt. Counseling help me to realize that I had gotten all he had to give me and to move on. Now I am in a peaceful state of being. This is not to say that I don't hurt to the deepest core of me at times and dreams denied. But life is not fair, but it is still good. I will pray for you and you pray for me and we will both be more than conqueror's through it all.


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## bob76 (Nov 12, 2011)

thanks for responding, I'm not sure i've actually thought of things like that. Because her behaviour has been so mean and hurtful at times i guess i felt it was all aimed at me and meant to cause me pain rather than being that she just could't handle being married, and to be honest thinking about it there would at least be some sense to accept that she just can't handle being married. I know she has tried to work out why and what is wrong but she just doesn't seem able.

thanks for giving a different perspective on things i hope things think it helps


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