# Ladies, how do you deal with your H needing sex all the time



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

I hear alot of stuff about guys needing sex or they go crazy, watch porn, etc....How do you deal when your H or SO wants sex and you don't?


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

My wifes common reactions are...

1. hand job
2. blow job
3. give me a show that I can masterbate to
4. let me play with her while I masterbate
5. offer a quickie
6. do it any way for me

on a very rare occassion ask if she can make it up to me later and then she does 

on an even more rare occassion ask the same and then dont.

I never get a no but it is an option.

The real issue is why you dont want to. 

Your final option is to cure that by telling him what he needs to do to increase your drive. Typically the best answers are romance, flirty talk, take out the garbage not necesairly in that order :lol:


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Craggy456 said:


> I hear alot of stuff about guys needing sex or they go crazy, watch porn, etc....How do you deal when your H or SO wants sex and you don't?


Ahhh if only I was so lucky. In my household I am the one who can't get enough. The words "not now honey" are not in my vocabulary. But beleive me, being a woman who has a higher sex drive than her husband is an issue all in itself and very frustrating at times.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> My wifes common reactions are...
> 
> 1. hand job
> 2. blow job
> ...



This is my checklist. Except bj is usually first on my list :smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mrs. T said:


> Ahhh if only I was so lucky. In my household I am the one who can't get enough. The words "not now honey" are not in my vocabulary. But beleive me, being a woman who has a higher sex drive than her husband is an issue all in itself and very frustrating at times.


I accually believe it IS harder on women as there is simply less to relate to this situation, also the emotional bonding we crave in addition to the physical urge -- is likely even stronger than a man's -he is so used to using his hand generally -as he HAS learned early on -when the kids started coming & his wife was so occupied & tired. I give men an applause for some of their patience. Some put up with more than they should have to bare. 

Plus he can find plenty of company at his work place where all the men are not getting enough, usual work talk where my husband works anyway. 

But us women... when we get into the company of other women, we often hear them going off about how thier husbands are all over them, Horndogs, won't leave them alone. And we strart to think...damn, I wish I had your husband ! It just really makes you feel ...more alone. At least with the guys, the majority are in the same boat - they can let off some steam with the cold fish jokes around other men. BUt women, we look bad, like what is wrong with us ! 

***** I strongly feel if YOU truly LOVE & care about your spouse, you will want to pleasure them . That is it, the bottom line. It IS a testament to YOUR LOVE to them. Just cause we are not "feeling" it does not cross out that they are - and strongly. It is a blessing they want US over porn or just thier hand. 

As women, the sheer POWER we have, we have no idea, to bring happiness to them, seeing the pleausure on thier face should give US abounding Joy , a deep well of satisfiction to give in this way...even if .... we can't get another orgasm out of the deal. It is a huge blessing to be DESIRED by our spouses. Never take this for granted. 

I like to tell women... as I have learned... 

As you grow older, those tables may be turned, that wonderful desirous sex drive of your husband's is slowly going to wane as he ages and yours may climb a little. (Mine jumped into the sky somewhere) and YOU may be walking in his shoes, experiencing his intense wanting. 

If we take care of him now, with love, it is more likely he will do the same for us . If you even get an inking of feeling he is not "into you" anymore , that he is slowing down, make no mistake, women get very emotioanl about these things, it will hurt excrusiatingly. Men feel a measure of that every day when we lack interest in them. Some of them become numb, resentful. 

What we hold in our hands is very precious, the POWER to keep our husbands from such pain.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I give it to him. ALOT. I'm still trying to figure out why some people don't want sex. Sex is a good thing.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> I give it to him. ALOT. I'm still trying to figure out why some people don't want sex. Sex is a good thing.


Man I wish my wife felt like some of you ladies in regards to sex!


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Craggy456 said:


> I hear alot of stuff about guys needing sex or they go crazy, watch porn, etc....How do you deal when your H or SO wants sex and you don't?


This never happens in my marriage... I'm the one who wants sex all the time, not him.

Even if I didn't want sex all the time, I would never tell my husband no..


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Yeah, I can't even imagine having a husband who wants *any* sex, much less one who wants so much I'd be tempted to turn him down! Dare to dream, huh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Craggy456 said:


> I hear alot of stuff about guys needing sex or they go crazy, watch porn, etc....How do you deal when your H or SO wants sex and you don't?


There was a time a while back when I didn't want sex nearly as often as H. We had become emotionally distant and I was often angry with him. At the time that we really started to reconnect the first thing I decided to do was just "fake it till I make it". H was doing everything he could to give me what I needed, and he needed sex, so I said yes even if I wasn't 100% in the mood. Lo and behold, even if I wasn't in the mood when we started I always enjoyed it and was happy I'd said yes and H was happy too. Next thing I know I'm not faking anymore, I really do want to, and not long after that I not only want to, but I really need to, I am totally hot for him again....I'm now initiating as often as I'm saying yes to his advances.

So my suggestion would be to just try doing it more often and see if you find yourself wanting it more because you're doing it more. I sure did. My other suggestion that might really seem weird is to watch your H more when you're having sex or giving him a bj or handjob instead of keeping the lights off and your eyes closed. Honestly, seeing the reaction he has to you and to what you're doing to him can be an incredible turn on. It makes me want to do it again and again.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'mAllIn said:


> There was a time a while back when I didn't want sex nearly as often as H. We had become emotionally distant and I was often angry with him. At the time that we really started to reconnect the first thing I decided to do was just "fake it till I make it". H was doing everything he could to give me what I needed, and he needed sex, so I said yes even if I wasn't 100% in the mood. Lo and behold, even if I wasn't in the mood when we started I always enjoyed it and was happy I'd said yes and H was happy too. Next thing I know I'm not faking anymore, I really do want to, and not long after that I not only want to, but I really need to, I am totally hot for him again....I'm now initiating as often as I'm saying yes to his advances.
> 
> So my suggestion would be to just try doing it more often and see if you find yourself wanting it more because you're doing it more. I sure did. My other suggestion that might really seem weird is to watch your H more when you're having sex or giving him a bj or handjob instead of keeping the lights off and your eyes closed. Honestly, seeing the reaction he has to you and to what you're doing to him can be an incredible turn on. It makes me want to do it again and again.


you a wise woman.:iagree:


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

ladybird said:


> This never happens in my marriage... I'm the one who wants sex all the time, not him.
> 
> Even if I didn't want sex all the time, I would never tell my husband no..


:iagree::iagree:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I'mAllin that works for me too. I don't need to fake it but I don't feel I need to have sex about 50% of the time that my husband does. My husband warms me up slowly and I all in.

I think what you are doing is exactly what the LD spouse should do provided there are no major unresolved marital issues. Minors ones - let it go. But having sex in the face of major issues backfires. The LD spouse will develop resentment.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I accually believe it IS harder on women as there is simply less to relate to this situation, also the emotional bonding we crave in addition to the physical urge -- is likely even stronger than a man's -he is so used to using his hand generally -as he HAS learned early on -when the kids started coming & his wife was so occupied & tired. I give men an applause for some of their patience. Some put up with more than they should have to bare.
> 
> Plus he can find plenty of company at his work place where all the men are not getting enough, usual work talk where my husband works anyway.
> 
> ...


I've read a lot on this forum about people who "never say no" regardless of their mood and those who do it just because they want to make their spouse happy. 

One of my x's complaints was that I seemed unhappy and complained about stuff all the time. A more frequent sex life, however, could have turned me around, and she knew it. 

So, do you feel that if my x-wife truly loved me, she would have at least been concerned about our different drives(me wanting it more often) rather than just trying to make me feel like a sex maniac? To be honest, I could have been happy with once a week if need be, and she knew that, but I thought once every six was a bit too long.

Or, could she have truly felt that sex shouldn't be an issue in a marriage?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

southbound said:


> I've read a lot on this forum about people who "never say no" regardless of their mood and those who do it just because they want to make their spouse happy.
> 
> One of my x's complaints was that I seemed unhappy and complained about stuff all the time. A more frequent sex life, however, could have turned me around, and she knew it.
> 
> ...


It does not work when there are major relationship issues. In fact if your wife had sex just to make you happy, she would not be happy. 

Since you are D I am assuming that you had major issues that had nothing to do with sex. Her having sex with you would have made you stop complaining but would not have addressed her issues. Under those circumstances it is better to work on the real issues and then re-establish intimacy.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

I don't know how to deal with it. Last night i didn't want to and we got into a fight/ for something else instead/ I just don't know what to do. I just don't want it every day. He's feeling like he doesn't turn me on anymore. I tried doing it only for him ,but i don't feel like it anymore.... don't know...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

charlene said:


> I don't know how to deal with it. Last night i didn't want to and we got into a fight/ for something else instead/ I just don't know what to do. I just don't want it every day. He's feeling like he doesn't turn me on anymore. I tried doing it only for him ,but i don't feel like it anymore.... don't know...


Is you husband a generous lover dose he ask what you like and do you tell him when he asks.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

I'mAllIn said:


> There was a time a while back when I didn't want sex nearly as often as H. We had become emotionally distant and I was often angry with him. At the time that we really started to reconnect the first thing I decided to do was just "fake it till I make it". H was doing everything he could to give me what I needed, and he needed sex, so I said yes even if I wasn't 100% in the mood. Lo and behold, even if I wasn't in the mood when we started I always enjoyed it and was happy I'd said yes and H was happy too.


MEM11363 has said over and over again that one of the great things about his wife was that she was never worse than "neutral" to sex - she was prepared to be "got into the mood" as it were if he were prepared to put in the effort. 

If one partner is willing to be persuaded, then it's worth the other partner trying to persuade them. But to a lot of people, the idea of being open to persuasion just doesn't compute.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southbound said:


> I've read a lot on this forum about people who "never say no" regardless of their mood and those who do it just because they want to make their spouse happy.
> 
> One of my x's complaints was that I seemed unhappy and complained about stuff all the time. A more frequent sex life, however, could have turned me around, and she knew it.
> 
> ...


This is what likely happened with your wife Southbound....as often is.... she was pathetically Uneducated about MEN and there sexual NEEDS, probably repressed like so many good girls out there, never picked up a book on sex, how to please a man, work on the physcial aspects of her marriage, ...


..... ...PLUS she didn't have the urges you have, so how could she understand it physcially - do you think she ever masterbated ? I would have tackled some man in the street after 6 weeks ! That is a long long long time -even for most women. Expecting you to be happy with that, she shut her eyes to any care for you. 

.... PLus she was resentful that you were unhappy and complained. You doing that - caused her to move further away emotionally. What started it all - who knows, but it made a downward spiral of resentment within her. 

I hope you find a GF soon who will treat you right !


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

not take a shower, have your hair up in curlers and smoke, a lot. that works to crush the desire.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> Is you husband a generous lover dose he ask what you like and do you tell him when he asks.


In general he just does want he thinks will get me in the mood. But that's like either his way or mine ,that's not fun ,it's like to 2 people having sex, not like a connection... i feel detached, that's why. But actually it was like that when we were closer and frankly ...back then i was thinking it was too much, i just was doing it . Now i don't feel the urge.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

charlene said:


> But actually it was like that when we were closer and frankly ...back then i was thinking it was too much, i just was doing it


I think this happens far too often, the woman suppresses her TRUE feelings about SEX to win the man, then once married, the REAL issues come out because they can not longer live up to what they were hiding. 

What you did ....was accually "settle" for an emotionally disconnected man, for whatever reason. These things should have been worked on while you were still dating to see if you & he could overcome, so you could be truly happy & fullfilled. Hiding is never good. 

Now he is not going to understand why the rules have been changed on him.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> MEM11363 has said over and over again that one of the great things about his wife was that she was never worse than "neutral" to sex - she was prepared to be "got into the mood" as it were if he were prepared to put in the effort.
> 
> If one partner is willing to be persuaded, then it's worth the other partner trying to persuade them. But to a lot of people, the idea of being open to persuasion just doesn't compute.


Hmm, I never actually thought about being "neutral" to sex, but that really might be a good description for me, which might be why the "fake it till you make it" plan worked for me. It wasn't that I DIDN'T want to have sex, it just wasn't a top-of-mind urgent need for me like it was for my husband. But he was doing all the things I told him I needed, spending more time with me and showing more affection out of bed, and doing them so well that I honestly couldn't tell if he was just to please me or because he really understood and wanted to. That made me want to give him what he needed, so I just didn't say no. I was opened to him showing me that it should be top-of-mind more, and show me he did, over and over, until now it's an urgent need for me pretty much as often as it is for him.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think this happens far too often, the woman suppresses her TRUE feelings about SEX to win the man, then once married, the REAL issues come out because they can not longer live up to what they were hiding.
> 
> What you did ....was accually "settle" for an emotionally disconnected man, for whatever reason. These things should have been worked on while you were still dating to see if you & he could overcome, so you could be truly happy & fullfilled. Hiding is never good.
> 
> Now he is not going to understand why the rules have been changed on him.


what she did was a bait and switch.....false advertising 

everymans worst nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now she wants a free pass


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

chillymorn said:


> what she did was a bait and switch.....false advertising
> 
> everymans worst nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> now she wants a free pass


The term "Bait & switch" escaped me, so I thought I would try to explain it -in how it relates to what she expressed here. 

Neither a man nor a woman should EVER HIDE how they truly feel when they are dating, discovering one another ... or SETTLE -when one is not giving enough back to create fullfilling happiness-to satisfy their emotional well being.......cause one thing is 100% guarenteed , unless the hider is completely self-less (which noone is)....this is "begging" for problems down the road. 

A HONEST Foundation is essential to get a marraige off to a good start, so it can make it through a lifetime.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

charlene said:


> In general he just does want he thinks will get me in the mood. But that's like either his way or mine ,that's not fun ,it's like to 2 people having sex, not like a connection... i feel detached, that's why. But actually it was like that when we were closer and frankly ...back then i was thinking it was too much, i just was doing it . Now i don't feel the urge.


Can you explain how it is either his way or yours? Can you work on blending the two so that you feel more connected? How have you tried to work on this with him?


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> The term "Bait & switch" escaped me, so I thought I would try to explain it -in how it relates to what she expressed here.
> 
> Neither a man nor a woman should EVER HIDE how they truly feel when they are dating, discovering one another ... or SETTLE -when one is not giving enough back to create fullfilling happiness-to satisfy their emotional well being.......cause one thing is 100% guarenteed , unless the hider is completely self-less (which noone is)....this is "begging" for problems down the road.
> 
> A HONEST Foundation is essential to get a marraige off to a good start, so it can make it through a lifetime.


That's so not the case here! I was quite sexual when we were dating.And that was natural for me.... just in time i become more .... interested in other stuff to do together... Isn't is normal? I don't find it normal to have sex every single day just because you have to connect . you can do other stuff to connect to your partner.... I just think that's part of the process of growing up. 
And I'm talking about small differences like: he wants it everyday, NOW i want it every other day,or 2 a week? Is that so bad ....???


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Can you explain how it is either his way or yours? Can you work on blending the two so that you feel more connected? How have you tried to work on this with him?


hmm i was thinking about how to explain it and find out that when we were dating i loved the sex with him...recently i feel like either he's not that caring in bed or i just changed my feelings for him, because it's just not the same. But i guess that's normal after constant fighting ever since we got married...
Actually i haven't tried to work on it because i feel there are other stuff to work on. The thing is he's not that verbal about problems, i don't thing talking about our sex life is going to help him feel more wanted/ which is the case here/ I guess i have to find a way to reconnect...


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Oh, what I wouldn't give to have this problem! lol

Seriously, I would love to be able to commiserate with you.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> The term "Bait & switch" escaped me, so I thought I would try to explain it -in how it relates to what she expressed here.
> 
> Neither a man nor a woman should EVER HIDE how they truly feel when they are dating, discovering one another ... or SETTLE -when one is not giving enough back to create fullfilling happiness-to satisfy their emotional well being.......cause one thing is 100% guarenteed , unless the hider is completely self-less (which noone is)....this is "begging" for problems down the road.
> 
> A HONEST Foundation is essential to get a marraige off to a good start, so it can make it through a lifetime.


I totally agree. but what do you do when your so was untruthfull and acted like it was important before marriage and then after marriage or kids they decided its not so important?

beside all the talking and other advice given all the time here.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

You know what. I would bet that most people - men AND women - really go in to their marriages believing things will likely stay the way they are going forward - and then get smacked upside the head when they find out that all of the foibles of living start to get in the way. Jobs, stresses, kids, illnesses, the little cute, endearing things your spouse did that used to amuse you that are so annoying when you have them in your face every day, the list goes on and on. It just gets hard and people tend to give up easily, I think.

To me, it's most important to find out the character of the person you plan to marry. Most specifically - what kind of person are they in following through on commitments? Are they not only industrious, honest, emotionally healthy, but are they tenacious - passionate - do they not give up easily? Are they communicative - do they seem willing to work at things? All of those things can be clues as to how willing they will be to work things out. And having someone who is committed and willing to work at things with you ... priceless.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> You know what. I would bet that most people - men AND women - really go in to their marriages believing things will likely stay the way they are going forward - and then get smacked upside the head when they find out that all of the foibles of living start to get in the way. Jobs, stresses, kids, illnesses, the little cute, endearing things your spouse did that used to amuse you that are so annoying when you have them in your face every day, the list goes on and on. It just gets hard and people tend to give up easily, I think.
> 
> To me, it's most important to find out the character of the person you plan to marry. Most specifically - what kind of person are they in following through on commitments? Are they not only industrious, honest, emotionally healthy, but are they tenacious - passionate - do they not give up easily? Are they communicative - do they seem willing to work at things? All of those things can be clues as to how willing they will be to work things out. And having someone who is committed and willing to work at things with you ... priceless.


Thats a tall order to fill. espically at a youg age.

and hind sight is always 20/20!


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## franf (Nov 17, 2011)

Well, if I can chime in here .... wanting sex begins with foreplay. That foreplay could include taking the garbage out, rubbing her neck after a long day, helping her with the dishes and kissing her just because. 
Don't know if this applies to you personally but is a general rule of giving to get. ;D


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

charlene said:


> That's so not the case here! I was quite sexual when we were dating.And that was natural for me.... just in time i become more .... interested in other stuff to do together... Isn't is normal? I don't find it normal to have sex every single day just because you have to connect . you can do other stuff to connect to your partner.... I just think that's part of the process of growing up.
> And I'm talking about small differences like: he wants it everyday, NOW i want it every other day,or 2 a week? Is that so bad ....???


Charlene, it was your comment that stated ..."*I was just doing it *" -while admitting in the same sentence "I was like that back then when we were closer -further admitting it was too much"... 



> But actually it was like that when we were closer and frankly ...back then i was thinking it was too much, i just was doing it




Any man who thinks his girl is into him and enjoying all that sex , then later learns she was "just doing it " -he is either going to be very very hurt or very very angry or both. 

Is this what all the fights are about -sex and the frequency? 

You asked me if It was normal for a man to want sex every day , my answer is --in his youth --HELL YEAH!! All I can do is speak out of my own REGRET that I wasn't there enough for my own husband in his youth , so I am not so much judging you as appealing to you...that SEX is the emotional glue -and alot of it can make the difference from a grouchy irritable man to a happy fullfilled man. 

IF your husband is fighting about it with you, if I was walking in your shoes, I would go the extra mile and if not intercourse , take the time to please him in another way, hand jobs, bjs, what is 15 minutes of out of your day , for his pleasure?

I have personally walked on both sides of this issue(the not needing it that much to wanting it more than once a day), and I can tell you the little I could have done to please my husband (who didn't fight with me but rather choose the silent suffereing), would have been FAR easier for me --than being in the shoes of the HIGH DRIVEN spouse who wants that connection. 

Turning our sex drives OFF is near impossible. Being a woman you can't understand this, I am just giving you his perspective as you asked. 

Now, if he is mistreating you , not there for you emotionally, you feel he doesn't listen to you, give you enough quality time, words of affirmation, whatever you are craving, then please talk to him, both should try to come towards each other, to ward off any resentment and be there for the other , it has to start with someone..

When I got more sexual with my husband , showing him how much I wanted him, him feeling my desire, he got more openly emotional and vulnerable with me, a complete WIN /WIN. 

I didn't read all of these replys, are you married to a good man or a man you resent or are starting to resent ?


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Now, if he is mistreating you , not there for you emotionally, you feel he doesn't listen to you, give you enough quality time, words of affirmation, whatever you are craving, then please talk to him, both should try to come towards each other, to ward off any resentment and be there for the other , it has to start with someone..
> 
> When I got more sexual with my husband , showing him how much I wanted him, him feeling my desire, he got more openly emotional and vulnerable with me, a complete WIN /WIN.
> 
> I didn't read all of these replys, are you married to a good man or a man you resent or are starting to resent ?


He did all those things in the last few months, that's the point. When i said i was just doing it , i meant i was like"ok that's too much" but it was ok back then,when things were normal. Now that they''re not , the ""too much "" thing begins too bother me / may be i can't describe it quite good, my engish isn't the best/
And yes i admit i'm married to a man i'm starting to resent
P.S. Our fights are not about sex and the frequency, the sex part of our relationship started suffering,because of the ALL-the-time fighting.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

What ARE you fighting about ?


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

In general , little misunderstadings that turn into a fight. I can't even make an example, because it's so ridiculous,that after he blows up, i can't remember why. To me it seems like he's always irritated by me. The fighting begins when i start explaining what i said and that he misunderstood me , then he starts yelling saying "Are you making me a fool?" or "You always make excuses for yourself, you never say you''re wrong" So actually until this point for me there wasn't even an argument, but after he blows up i of course tell him that we can talk in a calm way so that i understand what's wrong.And then he becomes verbally abusive, talking mean, saying thinks only to hurt me . When i try to talk when he calms down about our issues,telling him that if we argue about something it shouldn't be like that, he says i'm stupid to think I can solve things just like that/ i guess talking/. The whole thing is , when i say something that unintentionally hurt him instead of telling me so ,he gets so nasty ,talking hurtfull stuff and making the situation worse. I know it's not my thing to decide whether he's too sentisive or not, but i think he's way too sensitive than anyone should be. He always find critisism where there's none. He's so distrustful ,always question the intention in my words, thinking i make fun of him....ect. I think you get the picture. I''m so tired of that!!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

He does sound insecure, overly sensitive and overly critical, for what ever reason, the way he was raised, the atomosphere he grew up in, his temperment, stress at work, etc etc. 

Communication and understanding each other is your marital issue, all this conflict and I bet the real underlying issues are not even being spoken. This is not really about sex. The root that needs to be dug up and examined is communication. 

Of coarse you are not going to want to have sex with him with all this unresolved conflict at every turn. Men can engage in sex devoid of the emotional connection generally easier than women can . Not all men, but many .


If I was you, I would start with a good book on communication, you can't change him per say but you can learn how your own speaking -may be TRIGGERS for him. And get a better handle on what is really happening here. 


Amazon.com: Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict (9781573244176): Jonathan Robinson: Books

Amazon.com: Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In (9781605295985): Laurie Puhn: Books


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

When my husband wants sex, I put out! Except on a very, very rare occasion, such as illness, I will not deprive him. Most of the time I get into it anyways... It's hard not to. The biggest deterrent to sex I face, next to lack of emotional stimulation, is actually the amount of time it will take. He's no five minute man, and it can get to the point where we HAVE to stop, and I mean after an hour or two. I just can't hang on that long. It has it's benefits, though... And he's usually very generous, outside of that lack of emotional connection thing. I often times discover he's much more emotionally connected and receptive to me after the act. I have deprived and used sex as a reward in past relationships, (before I knew better), and once you get in the habit of saying "no" you start saying "yes" less and less. It's not out of "obligation" but out of love, that I am so accommodating now.

ETA: I also wanted to mention (and I am grateful for) the fact that my husband also doesn't place himself in the position of being rejected, if we really aren't getting along. I just can't seem to do the "angry sex" thing...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> This is what likely happened with your wife Southbound....as often is.... she was pathetically Uneducated about MEN and there sexual NEEDS, probably repressed like so many good girls out there, never picked up a book on sex, how to please a man, work on the physcial aspects of her marriage, ...
> 
> 
> ..... ...PLUS she didn't have the urges you have, so how could she understand it physcially - do you think she ever masterbated ? I would have tackled some man in the street after 6 weeks ! That is a long long long time -even for most women. Expecting you to be happy with that, she shut her eyes to any care for you.
> ...


You may have hit it on the head. She wasn't educated about men's desires. And no, I don't think she masturbated during the lay off. She told me she never even masturbated in her life; it was just weird to her. She said her mind just didn't go in that direction when she was growing up.

We discussed things we did growing up, and she knew I had masturbated as a youngster at times, but she said she didn't. We discussed celebrities that we thought were attractive when we were teens, but aside from one celeb that she thought was ok, she said she just never looked at guys on tv and thought about sex.

She was not interested in educating herself about sex. I'm sure she never read a sex book or a REDBOOK article about it in her life. If we were in the bookstore and I wandered to the sex section(and I'm talking instructional books like position books or how to have a better sex life), she would never participate. She didn't act like it made her angry that I was, but she just treated it as a joke. 

She always acted like sex was just a little taboo, even between husband and wife. I'm not saying she never initiated or never seemed to have a good time, but she just never seemed to have the fire in her bones that i thought was normal, especially as crazy about me as she acted at first.

We actually looked at the Liberator site once together, and she acted like it disgusted her.

The odd part is that when I look at myself, it's not like I'm a wild man. I could have settled for once a week, and I'm not exactly a whips and chains guy either. So, what would she have done had I been more creative and energetic about it? She would have run for the hills earlier I suppose.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> He does sound insecure, overly sensitive and overly critical, for what ever reason, the way he was raised, the atomosphere he grew up in, his temperment, stress at work, etc etc.
> 
> Communication and understanding each other is your marital issue, all this conflict and I bet the real underlying issues are not even being spoken. This is not really about sex. The root that needs to be dug up and examined is communication.
> 
> ...


That's what i mean.He's exactly as you described him. I know sex isn't our main problem, that's my problem now, because he can't understand that there's a reason i don't want it as much as i use to. I know we should talk and resolve our issues, read books and so, but the thing is there are no such books in our language so that he can read too/and my English isn't the best/


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## Hubby&WifeTeam:) (Nov 26, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> I give it to him. ALOT. I'm still trying to figure out why some people don't want sex. Sex is a good thing.


Go you!!!

totally agree... its a great thing...soo nice to hear a wife agree with mine ....


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I wonder how my hubby puts up with me wanting sex all the time. Right now we are averaging 5-6 days a week. I absolutely love making love with my husband. It's his fault for being so darn good and sexy.. Where is he anyway? I've been waiting all morning and afternoon. Making love and having sex is such a beautiful experience each and every time.

We make love a lot more now then we ever have in the past. It's much better when we are both emotionally and physically connected to one another. We both work hard to please each other in all aspects of life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

chillymorn said:


> what she did was a bait and switch.....false advertising
> 
> everymans worst nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> now she wants a free pass


And high drive women's worst nightmare!!! This is what my husband did... kept up with the sex as much as he could before we married and then went ahhhhhhh... and stopped.:slap:


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Bait and switch is the most common occurrence I see. Many of the other men I talk to tell the same sad story "It was great until we got married!"

Men need to try and connect emotionally, and women need to try and connect physically.
I know in my own struggle, my SO has some unresolved issues and uses sex in a passive-aggressive way to punish. Some of the comments she has made lately give a pretty good insight into how she feels "When I see an attractive man, I don't think about having sex with him; I think about all the demeaning things I can make him do for him to try and have sex with me"

The above statement also fits in with how things have been for the last 19 years. There have been some good times, but there's also been a lot of plain mean-ness on her part.

I think I am married to a latent dominatrix


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"Just Say No"


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## Ayan (Nov 26, 2011)

I love him so i give it to him...good


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> I give it to him. ALOT. I'm still trying to figure out why some people don't want sex. Sex is a good thing.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Sweet Equity (Oct 14, 2011)

I give it to him regardless of whether I am in the mood or not. If I'm not in the mood before we start, I will be once we've started. We still have issues but sex isn't one of them. I separate the issues from the sex and enjoy the sex for well, the sex. If we are feeling close then the sex only heightens that closeness but if not, it doesn't take anything away or worsen the situation.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

mr.miketastic said:


> Bait and switch is the most common occurrence I see. Many of the other men I talk to tell the same sad story "It was great until we got married!"


I know this is an old thread but had to chime in that this is so absolutely true. And knowing it happens much is no comfort.


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