# I'm my own worst enemy



## IMBROKENINSIDE (Oct 21, 2013)

I let my negative thoughts control how I feel. They overwhelmed my life to appoint where I just couldn't work. They drained the life out of me and for a brief moment made life so unbearable that I contemplated ending it just to make the pain go away. I have dealt with pain before, pain of having to chose between your mother or father, pain of being sent away, pain of losing a loved one, the pain of being molested, growing up and finding out that my daughter was molested too. Pain has been my teacher for as long as I can remember. But this pain was different, the mental and emotional roller coaster I was on was so draining so overwhelming that the only way to get off the ride was to end my sorry excuse for a life. At least that's what I use to think. The negative thought that consumes me is my wife cheating on me. She has never given me any reason to doubt her. She loves very much, but my mind wanders in to this fantasy world were I doubt her, then doubt turns to fear, fear turns to paranoia. We have had numerous conversations about this and she has always reassured me that she will never cheat on me or leave me. That the vows we took mean something and what we have is for life.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

IMBROKENINSIDE said:


> I let my negative thoughts control how I feel. They overwhelmed my life to appoint where I just couldn't work. They drained the life out of me and for a brief moment made life so unbearable that I contemplated ending it just to make the pain go away.



Take personal responsibility for what you allow yourself to go through. Though you have had these actions to be perpetrated against you from your perspective, you keep going there. You don't have to deal with these people or the type of jobs that undermine your self respect. If you currently need the money, look for something better.



IMBROKENINSIDE said:


> I have dealt with pain before, pain of having to chose between your mother or father, pain of being sent away, pain of losing a loved one, the pain of being molested, growing up and finding out that my daughter was molested too. Pain has been my teacher for as long as I can remember. But this pain was different, the mental and emotional roller coaster I was on was so draining so overwhelming that the only way to get off the ride was to end my sorry excuse for a life.


Focus on the positive and your goals. The negative is simply intended to be feedback. Some feedback is meant to be ignored because it was designed to waste your attention, to make you angry or just waste time.



IMBROKENINSIDE said:


> At least that's what I use to think. The negative thought that consumes me is my wife cheating on me. She has never given me any reason to doubt her. She loves very much, but my mind wanders in to this fantasy world were I doubt her, then doubt turns to fear, fear turns to paranoia. We have had numerous conversations about this and she has always reassured me that she will never cheat on me or leave me. That the vows we took mean something and what we have is for life.


Life goes on. No matter how bad the situation life goes on.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

IMBROKENINSIDE said:


> She has never given me any reason to doubt her. *She loves very much*, but my mind wanders in to this fantasy world were I doubt her, then doubt turns to fear, fear turns to paranoia. We have had numerous conversations about this and she has always reassured me that she will never cheat on me or leave me.


The title of your other thread scares me. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/132954-am-i-alone.html

It scares me for me in that I have abandonment issues just like you and I fear my wife doesn't love me right now. My fear of being alone is horrible. It scares me for you in that you have it worse than me right now.

Your goal right now is to make sure she continues to love you. She may have married down in looks, but she married up in something else. Try to let her see it is still there.

And take the advice of that guy on the other thread and get help. Make sure whoever you see can prescribe drugs. You just need a little something to take the edge off. I took a generic zoloft for a while and it helped. It won't cure you, but it will take the edge off while you fix yourself. You've got to stop spinning those thoughts.

Good luck.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

Try to keep to one thread.


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## IMBROKENINSIDE (Oct 21, 2013)

Life goes on...no matter how bad the situation is...life goes on.
Thank you for replying, it makes perfect sense.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Imbroken,you need to do everyday what I do to cope.
Taking and meds have not helped.To many side effects.

I get through one day at a time.I look at all the positive
things I have.Healthy body,wife and kids that depend
on me to work and support them.

I see so many people who have nothing and are happy.
I have come to realize all my problems are in my head.

Hang in there and talk on day at a time.Tomorrow is
a new beginning and we never know the good things
it will bring.Don't let those negative thoughts win.


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