# How to approach sex problems with injuries/health issues



## purplesocks (Mar 7, 2013)

Hi all,

This is my first post...I wasn't really sure who else I could ask about this.

So... my husband's in the military and about 2 years ago he developed a hip problem from overexercising or something. It got worse over his deployment last year and now it looks like it's either surgery or no fix. But he doesn't want to have surgery.

However our sex life has gone WAAAAY downhill lately. 
As a result of him doing military training for those with injuries, he's gained a lot of weight and is definitely not in the shape he was a few years ago. I know, no one looks the same forever, but I think that spouses owe it to each other to 'try'. 

Our sex problems aren't just him not being able to 'do it' certain ways, but also foreplay, etc. But I feel guilty at the thought of bringing anything up since he has this hip problem. 

What's a girl to do?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

He has a duty to himself and you to do everything in his power to get his hip problem sorted out. Also, his weight gain won't help his hip problem, so he should think of sorting that out at the same time.


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## purplesocks (Mar 7, 2013)

Cosmos- I definitely agree, but how do you force someone to get surgery? Also, I guess I should've mentioned, the surgery might not even fix it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

What is the nature of the hip problem? Pulled something? Torn? Broken? I had a broken hip from a car accident and had to have it surgically repaired. You said the surgery he would need has no guarantees.... frankly, NO surgery comes with guarantees. But what is the probability that it WILL fix his problem? If it is a higher probability that it will be fixed, and lower risk factors to it, then he should at least give it a shot. I can understand NOT doing it, but only if the risks are greater than the potential benefits.

As for sex with the problem...I assume standing is an issue as well as any position where he is on top? For now, I would suggest positions where you are on top, obviously. And, just because his hip is hurting does NOT mean he can't do anything with you... his hands aren't broken are they?? Can always do 69 in side-lying position as well. 

And I agree... whether he gets the surgery or not, the added weight is only going to add to his problems.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

purplesocks said:


> Cosmos- I definitely agree, but how do you force someone to get surgery? Also, I guess I should've mentioned, the surgery might not even fix it.


You can't, Purplesocks - particularly if there's a chance that surgery won't actually fix the problem. You can encourage him to work on his weight problem though, because that probably doesn't help matters.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

My H was in a car accident and had his femur shattered at the upper portion. He had to have a titanium rod put in his femur and took 9 months to heal. There are positions that are difficult or uncomfortable for him. 

We found a tantra chair on Amazon and it is a great tool for supporting the body and allowing us to perform in a variety of positions, even some that would have been difficult before the accident. Here is the one we purchased Amazon.com: New Leather Yoga Chair Stretch Sofa Relax Sex Chair Love Making: Home & Kitchen since it was the cheaper alternative for us.

It is super easy to clean, light in weight so we can move it around if we need to and great for supporting the body. 

This is also a wonderful tool for giving massages. A massage on the bed was always hard work for the one giving them, this enables both of us to be in comfortable positions so now our massages last longer.

tantrachair.com is the website for the pricey model and there are pictures and videos of how to use the chair if you are looking for more information.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

purplesocks said:


> But I feel guilty at the thought of bringing anything up since he has this hip problem.


1) He will be relieved if you bring it up.

You don't think this is weighing on his mind also? It is. It will seem hard at first, but realizing you still love him and that *you want to work with him* on this will take a huge burden off his shoulders.

2) Talk about this outside of the bedroom.

The kitchen table works as well as any place. The point is to be able to talk about this when the air isn't filled with sexual tension/frustration.

3) Be graphic and blunt.

That includes your kitchen table talks. Beating around the bush makes this harder. 

4) Learn to laugh off your mistakes.

You'll try a lot of stuff that just won't work--a lot of stuff. If you get all serious every time something fails, you'll be seriously depressed in a week. Just laugh it up and chalk it up as an experiment that failed. And remember, each failure brings you closer to finding the things that do work (and you WILL find things that work, you just have to be persistent).


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