# My Wife Wants an Open Marriage. I Don’t. Now What?



## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

hello i been together with my wife for 19 years we got married around 20 right now we are in our 41 year old age ,my wife and my self have always been a good couple we do have 4 kids everyone is almost 18 and up. we go to vacations every year we feel the bond i feel her love , she has had a past thats what i get for asking ,she first told me that she was sexually active from age 15 to the when i met her ..she first said only 3 dudes ,it turns out years alter she mention to me _13_ dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods .at first it bother me like hell knowing honestly i do not know if am crazy ..but i start asking more and more to the point of details my anger became like a fantasy little little over time i even ask her to call me by there names ,crazy i know guys but it honestly turns me on. i cant explain i never been this way ..she tells me the full details poundings size everything. 

when i found out about all of that i start changing our sex life even bought toys .our sex has been amazing orgasm like 3-4 times per everytime she fully satisfied me! and she seems to like our sex life ..so i have never ever in my life research the word mid life crisis i did not even knew that thing existed ,. its been a few months that out the blue she tells me i feel very horny like a change in me . shes like im going to destroy you every night like and urge ., but then my wife started getting more concern about her appearance she wants to loose more weight even hates her belly shes 168 lbs wants to be 150 at least . i cheer her up i honestly tought she was getting her self stem up..i encourage her . then every friday saturday she wanted to do things that we have not done in years she wants to go out and dance .

But first she mention girls night out but of course i caught it right away ..i said sure your friends are girls ,,then she says actually i just want to go my self and come back home . i was very confused this has never happen to me ,as much as i fantasize about this what i hear next truly shock me to my core . she tells me dont you feel like meeting other women? i was like what the hell..i play alone and said sure sure ..so next night we had sex and she was mentioning while at it ,,,i wont you to go out and F$%^ other women its just SEX love do not worried its just Sex i want to enjoy and you enjoy as well my feelings my love its with you 100% sorry that am asking you for this but i feel this way i feel like we are not taking advantage of our youth that we still have ,,later will be to late for us when we are 50. 

so we made and agreement both of us ..never affect the family and each other we do this only on some weekends ,she says she will make up a name and her life details she straight out tells me i just want to sleep with other guys when i meet them thats all. she has all ready done changes to her self will now get 2 tattoos even she wants to start using cannabis .and she shave down there never has she done that. i must admit at first i was in shock but we feel great been together she has not change a bit at home seems like 2 lifes. so my concerns if you can all reply ..#1 can this Damage our relationship beyond repair? #2 can she fall in love? do will regret this in the future cause she seems eager to go out . and #3 knowing that she will leave it makes me feel horny but this pain takes over everything ! but i cant stop her i do not want divorced neither she has mention to me this she even said trust me if i did not love you i could just leave with my mom house and done! 

but those are not my intentions. she says if i want to when ever things happen like sex or what guys told her or what she did she will tell me everything and i will always have my wife at home having sex withe me . but we did mention using protection if we ge to the point of sleeping around ,conclusion !!! did i turn crazy ? did i loose my balls ? my car has gps she doesnt know the place she went thats the exact place she told me she went to so no lies so far ..what are your opinions guys ,. i know how guys can be ..it does crossed my mind that she might meet mr right and things can get over i will keep and eye if i notice any changes at all affecting our kids private life then i feel there is something horrible going on in this relationship i hope you all understood . i dont see her in a bad way shes been a good wife and a friend


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Caifan said:


> .#1 can this Damage our relationship beyond repair? #2 can she fall in love? do will regret this in the future cause she seems eager to go out . and #3 knowing that she will leave it makes me feel horny but this pain takes over everything


#1 Yes #2 Yes #3 what is the question.

Your wife has gone over the edge into the abyss and if you let her she will drag you in too. Since divorce is off the table, I guess you are just along for whatever consequences arrive.

Honestly, sounds she is Batshyte nuts.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

You might as well tell her to take videos for you to watch later. Just go full cuckhold.

You don't have a wife anymore. In my opinion you have a ***** on your hands and you said sure, why not.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

OP

Are all these things her ideas, or yours? Be honest with yourself. So far you're encouraging this. Keeping all in one thread/Username is best.

So, her ideas or yours?


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Are all these things her ideas, or yours? Be honest with yourself. So far you're encouraging this. Keeping all in one thread/Username is best.
> 
> So, her ideas or yours?


her and mine i never suggested this this came up ,,its so strange mix emotions i dont want to enp up in a mental clinic ,,#1 i feel ok with this and it excites me there wil be rules! she agrees! #2 i get this rushing toughts into my head what if...#3 when i fantasy it feels good but when she leaves i feel in HELL


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You might as well tell her to take videos for you to watch later. Just go full cuckhold.
> 
> You don't have a wife anymore. In my opinion you have a *** on your hands and you said sure, why not.


the firs time she went out i spy her from far away


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> the firs time she went out i spy her from far away


And? What did you witness?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Caifan said:


> her and mine i never suggested this this came up ,,its so strange mix emotions i dont want to enp up in a mental clinic ,,#1 i feel ok with this and it excites me there wil be rules! she agrees! #2 i get this rushing toughts into my head what if...#3 when i fantasy it feels good but when she leaves i feel in HELL


You've got some decisions to make. If you encourage and support her extra marital sex activities do your part and help keep her safe. Be clear to her you want to watch, it's sounding like your fantasy and she's happy to go along. 

That's uncommon but hey, you do you. I fall into the category no way in hell. Most do. Some don't. 

Also know, most marriages feel the strain and many many don't survive afterwards. 

Guaranteed your relationship with her won't be the same either way.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Caifan said:


> hello i been together with my wife for 19 years we got married around 20 right now we are in our 41 year old age ........ 4 kids everyone is almost 18 and up.
> 
> ......she was sexually active from age 15 .... _13_ dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods
> 
> ...


Remember Paragraphs are your friend. I will assume that this is an honest plea for help in understanding what is happening.

So you and your wife are becoming empty nesters. Congratulations. Sounds like she wants to start doing fun romantic things (dancing on weekends) and going out and partying with or without you.

So in your curiosity about your wife's sexual past, you had sex with her and asked her to call you past lover's names. I think you may have trained your wife into fantasizing about sex with other men. You reap what you sow.

Now as to your questions.

#1 can this Damage our relationship beyond repair? 
A: Yes.

#2 can she fall in love? do will regret this in the future cause she seems eager to go out . 
A. Yes, she can fall in love. In fact having sex is often called making love because it releases all kinds of bonding hormones.

#3 knowing that she will leave it makes me feel horny but this pain takes over everything !
A, Doesn't seem like a question, so nothing to answer. 

What are your opinion guys?
A. You really are mixed up and need serious professional help to sort out your thoughts and your relationship. You may have already pushed your wife so far away from you emotionally that there is little chance in salvaging your marriage.

You want her to go out "dating" and yet you feel like "hell" and spy on her. You really do need professional help to figure out exactly what it is that you want and even if what you want is possible in a relationship.

Good luck.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> And? What did you witness?


listen i know we agree to all i just wanted to see if actually tell me that she was at the right place not lying thats what i want to know when she lies i will confront her i have air tag o my car hidden . i went to the bar she went to and she was dancing she did not see me the guy and the bar match all she told me when she got home ... if she starts having sex with condom ? do i still need to wear one ?


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You've got some decisions to make. If you encourage and support her extra marital sex activities do your part and help keep her safe. Be clear to her you want to watch, it's sounding like your fantasy and she's happy to go along.
> 
> That's uncommon but hey, you do you. I fall into the category no way in hell. Most do. Some don't.
> 
> ...


wow the best comment so far thank you i respect you point of view thats what others do not understand ,,they think i got cheated ! when we agree both we are adults ..what a good point you made! thats the reason why i want to keep and eye on her just that !! i dont care what she does ! i know what shes doing! but i want to keep her safe!!! she does not welcome me into the same bars she says she feels odd..and cant be her self what does that even mean? at home she acts 100% like my wife nothing has changed but it does feel kind of strange having this life is like i feel a joy a excitment i can go to and bang other women. and return home and have sex again! but deep deep inside me my mind tells me ,,NO TELL HER NO. mix of emotions will i get used to it ..cause me keeping and eye is like a adventure


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Caifan said:


> listen i know we agree to all i just wanted to see if actually tell me that she was at the right place not lying thats what i want to know when she lies i will confront her i have air tag o my car hidden . i went to the bar she went to and she was dancing she did not see me the guy and the bar match all she told me when she got home ... if she starts having sex with condom ? do i still need to wear one ?


Imo yes, and both get regularly tested for STDs. That's the smart thing in this kind of strange situation. 

But, because you're videoing while watching, you'll know who it was. 

How are you going to video them having sex? Do you have a plan? 

Yes, it seems that's in your fantasy so I'm going there.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> listen i know we agree to all i just wanted to see if actually tell me that she was at the right place not lying thats what i want to know when she lies i will confront her i have air tag o my car hidden . i went to the bar she went to and she was dancing she did not see me the guy and the bar match all she told me when she got home ... i*f she starts having sex with condom ? do i still need to wear one ?*


Lol, really, that is your biggest concern?

Let me ask you this. Is this what you really want in marriage? Do you want a wife that has sex with other men, even if she will "loyally" come back home and tell you all about it? It seems you really don't fully trust her since you have to track her whereabouts and follow her. Yet you took her at her word that she will just screw random dudes then come home to you, wtf?

Look, I don't agree with an open marriage or sex with others outside of the marriage, but if that is what you chose, then so be it. However, there are right and wrong ways to do these things. I'm not an expert but I can see this situation heading for an end of your marriage. She really gave you no choice except to agree to open the marriage and you gave up total control. Does that seem like a good idea?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> wow the best comment so far thank you i respect you point of view thats what others do not understand ,,they think i got cheated ! when we agree both we are adults ..what a good point you made! thats the reason why i want to keep and eye on her just that !! i dont care what she does ! i know what shes doing! but i want to keep her safe!!! she does not welcome me into the same bars she says she feels odd..and cant be her self what does that even mean? at home she acts 100% like my wife nothing has changed but it does feel kind of strange having this life is like i feel a joy a excitment i can go to and bang other women. and return home and have sex again! but deep deep inside me my mind tells me ,,NO TELL HER NO. mix of emotions will i get used to it ..cause me keeping and eye is like a adventure


You say that two adults agree, but this sounds very one sided. Even in this post you obviously aren't 100% in agreement. You are playing with fire. Wait till she comes home a recounts how she had sex with some guy she just met at a club or bar. How hard he made her orgasm. You will either be ok, maybe even turned on by it, or it will be something that you can never get out of your mind. You will forever have the image of your wife being promiscuous.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> Remember Paragraphs are your friend. I will assume that this is an honest plea for help in understanding what is happening.
> 
> So you and your wife are becoming empty nesters. Congratulations. Sounds like she wants to start doing fun romantic things (dancing on weekends) and going out and partying with or without you.
> 
> ...


thank you so much ..the only thing that notice is that house feels weird thats all.... i hope she doesnt leave me once my kids are gone. i be honest and please answer this ..she wants to keep it as one night but ,,what if the guy finish then says wow ,,i have to see you again? i feel that hanging out besides sex its going into a bonding? or can the guys get it and be like she wants sex nothing serious lets go for it ? i did snap one time !! i turn on the light at night and i was like love i cant do this anymore stop pretending! you need to pack your sh$% and leave the home ! after a few minutes shes like love love !! come lay down..starts kissing me and changes my mind ? what the hell is going on in my life guys


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Imo yes, and both get regularly tested for STDs. That's the smart thing in this kind of strange situation.
> 
> But, because you're videoing while watching, you'll know who it was.
> 
> ...


im not with her dude when she does it ..i do honestly at least i want her to record audio or something . i have not ask her ..i dont think she will agree i think she will feel watch


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Lol, really, that is your biggest concern?
> 
> Let me ask you this. Is this what you really want in marriage? Do you want a wife that has sex with other men, even if she will "loyally" come back home and tell you all about it? It seems you really don't fully trust her since you have to track her whereabouts and follow her. Yet you took her at her word that she will just screw random dudes then come home to you, wtf?
> 
> Look, I don't agree with an open marriage or sex with others outside of the marriage, but if that is what you chose, then so be it. However, there are right and wrong ways to do these things. I'm not an expert but I can see this situation heading for an end of your marriage. She really gave you no choice except to agree to open the marriage and you gave up total control. Does that seem like a good idea?


good point agree thank you ..i did told my brother he told me dude ...get your balls back!! but this is the thing everyone here tends to not understand ! we are both agreeing to this ..i feel her love the same way ...its normal i feel ok cause i set ground rules


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Caifan said:


> im not with her dude when she does it ..i do honestly at least i want her to record audio or something . i have not ask her ..i dont think she will agree i think she will feel watch


If you're going to indulge in this, go all the way. Be sure and tell her you want to watch and video it. She may have some good ideas to make it happen. You have to commit or not, if you waffle about she'll for sure cut you out.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You say that two adults agree, but this sounds very one sided. Even in this post you obviously aren't 100% in agreement. You are playing with fire. Wait till she comes home a recounts how she had sex with some guy she just met at a club or bar. How hard he made her orgasm. You will either be ok, maybe even turned on by it, or it will be something that you can never get out of your mind. You will forever have the image of your wife being promiscuous.


100% percent agree its mix it turns me on it makes me happy and sad im crazy


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> thank you so much ..the only thing that notice is that house feels weird thats all.... i hope she doesnt leave me once my kids are gone. i be honest and please answer this ..she wants to keep it as one night but ,,what if the guy finish then says wow ,,i have to see you again? i feel that hanging out besides sex its going into a bonding? or can the guys get it and be like she wants sex nothing serious lets go for it ?* i did snap one time !! i turn on the light at night and i was like love i cant do this anymore stop pretending! you need to pack your sh$% and leave the home ! *after a few minutes shes like love love !! come lay down..starts kissing me and changes my mind ? what the hell is going on in my life guys


This goes back to the right and wrong way of doing this kind of thing. You haven't laid out any kind of boundaries of what you will and won't accept. You are just letting her do what ever she wants with no guidance. You've given up any kind of leadership position you had in your marriage and you are only in it as long as she chooses to keep you around.

I wouldn't be so worried about the guys bonding with her. I would be worried about her bonding with them. What happens when she gets some stud that pushes all her buttons perfectly?

What do you mean by that comment in bold? What was it you snapped over? And you told her to pack and leave? when was this and under what circumstances?


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> This goes back to the right and wrong way of doing this kind of thing. You haven't laid out any kind of boundaries of what you will and won't accept. You are just letting her do what ever she wants with no guidance. You've given up any kind of leadership position you had in your marriage and you are only in it as long as she chooses to keep you around.
> 
> I wouldn't be so worried about the guys bonding with her. I would be worried about her bonding with them. What happens when she gets some stud that pushes all her buttons perfectly?
> 
> What do you mean by that comment in bold? What was it you snapped over? And you told her to pack and leave? when was this and under what circumstances?


what i meant was the feelings took over and i told her we need to stop ..but she calm me down fast i


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Imo yes, and both get regularly tested for STDs. That's the smart thing in this kind of strange situation.
> 
> But, because you're videoing while watching, you'll know who it was.
> 
> ...


*why tested for std? even with condoms ??*


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> good point agree thank you ..i did told my brother he told me dude ...get your balls back!! but this is the thing everyone here tends to not understand ! we are both agreeing to this ..i feel her love the same way ...its normal i feel ok cause i set ground rules


Your bro is absolutely right. Even if you were all in for her to get some strange, you totally abdicated your manhood. You just gave your wife a blank check do do as she pleases. 


And again, agreed, but not really. More like being coerced into saying yes.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Caifan said:


> *why tested for std? even with condoms ??*


Doubly sure, is better that single sure, and relying on truth she did use a condom the whole time and properly.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Your bro is absolutely right. Even if you were all in for her to get some strange, you totally abdicated your manhood. You just gave your wife a blank check do do as she pleases.
> 
> 
> And again, agreed, but not really. More like being coerced into saying yes.


she seems so excited of this new life!! she never shaved down there > i told her you know guys this days like it trim ...and miracle the next day Gone! trim WTF


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> what i meant was the feelings took over and i told her we need to stop ..but she calm me down fast i


What feelings? Feeling about her having sex with other men?



Caifan said:


> *why tested for std? even with condoms ??*


Because condoms are not 100%. Also, can you be sure she used them the whole time? Maybe she gave him oral before he put on the condom. Maybe he pulled it off and ejaculated onher. Who knows, you won't be there, so protect yourself.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> she seems so excited of this new life!! she never shaved down there > i told her you know guys this days like it trim ...and miracle the next day Gone! trim WTF


She's lovin the ho's life.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> She's lovin the ho's life.


my qestion is is this how she has really been but why now!!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Caifan said:


> my qestion is is this how she has really been but why now!!


That's a question for her. Ask her tonight, telling her it's all good and you're for it, and curious about it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> That's a question for her. Ask her tonight, telling her it's all good and you're for it, and curious about it.


Exactly this ^^^

If you are going to have a successful open marriage or you turn into some kind of cuckhold, then you better be able to ask those kind of questions.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Note to self: TIL about threads I need to avoid if I care about my blood pressure at all.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Caifan said:


> . if she starts having sex with condom ? do i still need to wear one ?


If you value your life you need to wear a condom every time you are with her, from now on. Because, you have no idea if her FBs will actually use one. And you also cant rely on her ever being monogamous again. That ship sailed out of port never to return. You need to get well versed in safe sex cuz you are basically being with a hooker whose partners have unknown history. See how messed up this is??!!??

i have NEVER worn a condom in more than five decades with my wife! And never been with anyone else. One of the benefits of a staid monogamous life.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Caifan said:


> she seems so excited of this new life!! she never shaved down there > i told her you know guys this days like it trim ...and miracle the next day Gone! trim WTF


She sure seems motivated to have sex! Just not with you.....


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Young at Heart said:


> Remember Paragraphs are your friend. I will assume that this is an honest plea for help in understanding what is happening.
> 
> So you and your wife are becoming empty nesters. Congratulations. Sounds like she wants to start doing fun romantic things (dancing on weekends) and going out and partying with or without you.
> 
> ...


Kiss your marriage goodbye if you choose open marriage. Happened to an acquaintance of mine who thought he and his wife should spice things up and open the marriage. Well it started with four couples they would travel on the weekend and do their thing, but the agreement was only when the husband was present. Well anothe husband in the group and my acquaintance’s wife started hooking up during the week.

He came into their house after coming home from work early to mow the yard and caught his wife in bedwith his friend….he is divorced now as his wife’s paramour as his wife did like him not doing it in a group setting. Weird as hell but true.

Now my acquaintances three adult daughters want very little to do with either parent.

This is one of those ideas better left to fantasy.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> If you value your life you need to wear a condom every time you are with her, from now on. Because, you have no idea if her FBs will actually use one. And you also cant rely on her ever being monogamous again. That ship sailed out of port never to return. You need to get well versed in safe sex cuz you are basically being with a hooker whose partners have unknown history. See how messed up this is??!!??
> 
> i have NEVER worn a condom in more than five decades with my wife! And never been with anyone else. One of the benefits of a staid monogamous life.


lets say she always does use condom! still not safe ? what about kissing >>>>?>??


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

This is very difficult to read, aside from the poor writing itself.

You are agreeing to something most men would not agree with. You are turned on by it, but then can’t handle it when she goes out?

This can’t possibly end well for you.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

manwithnoname said:


> This is very difficult to read, aside from the poor writing itself.
> 
> You are agreeing to something most men would not agree with. You are turned on by it, but then can’t handle it when she goes out?
> 
> This can’t possibly end well for you.


honestly THE SEX WITH HER LOST THE LOVE I FEEL SO DIFERENT AND I GET MOMENTS OF ANXIETY ,,GOING INSANE


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Caifan said:


> honestly THE SEX WITH HER LOST THE LOVE I FEEL SO DIFERENT AND I GET MOMENTS OF ANXIETY ,,GOING INSANE


I don’t understand, tell her you are not ok with it anymore.
I would question paternity of your kids. You say you’ve been with her for 19 years and have 4 kids 18 and older?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

So the best answer to this question is - Me first. I get to try it for a year and depending on if I like it or not then we can decide to open the marriage.

Honestly she is probably already cheating and has someone lined up. If it were me i would go talk to a lawyer. You would be better of being one of her hookups.

Where do these women find you guys? Is it like a club? They sure are good at it.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Women always lie about body count so I'm not surprised 3 turned into 13. I doubt 13 is the real number.

Girls night out = opportunity to cheat

When your wife say she wants you to sleep with other women, it means she's checked out of the marriage and wants to sleep with other men.

I guess you have to decided if you are OK being a cuckold.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Caifan said:


> hello i been together with my wife for 19 years we got married around 20 right now we are in our 41 year old age ,my wife and my self have always been a good couple we do have 4 kids everyone is almost 18 and up. we go to vacations every year we feel the bond i feel her love , she has had a past thats what i get for asking ,she first told me that she was sexually active from age 15 to the when i met her ..she first said only 3 dudes ,it turns out years alter she mention to me _13_ dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods .at first it bother me like hell knowing honestly i do not know if am crazy ..but i start asking more and more to the point of details my anger became like a fantasy little little over time i even ask her to call me by there names ,crazy i know guys but it honestly turns me on. i cant explain i never been this way ..she tells me the full details poundings size everything . when i found out about all of that i start changing our sex life even bought toys .our sex has been amazing orgasm like 3-4 times per everytime she fully satisfied me! and she seems to like our sex life ..so i have never ever in my life research the word mid life crisis i did not even knew that thing existed ,. its been a few months that out the blue she tells me i feel very horny like a change in me . shes like im going to destroy you every night like and urge ., but then my wife started getting more concern about her appearance she wants to loose more weight even hates her belly shes 168 lbs wants to be 150 at least . i cheer her up i honestly tought she was getting her self stem up..i encourage her . then every friday saturday she wanted to do things that we have not done in years she wants to go out and dance .But first she mention girls night out but of course i caught it right away ..i said sure your friends are girls ,,then she says actually i just want to go my self and come back home . i was very confused this has never happen to me ,as much as i fantasize about this what i hear next truly shock me to my core . she tells me dont you feel like meeting other women? i was like what the hell..i play alone and said sure sure ..so next night we had sex and she was mentioning while at it ,,,i wont you to go out and F$%^ other women its just SEX love do not worried its just Sex i want to enjoy and you enjoy as well my feelings my love its with you 100% sorry that am asking you for this but i feel this way i feel like we are not taking advantage of our youth that we still have ,,later will be to late for us when we are 50. so we made and agreement both of us ..never affect the family and each other we do this only on some weekends ,she says she will make up a name and her life details she straight out tells me i just want to sleep with other guys when i meet them thats all. she has all ready done changes to her self will now get 2 tattoos even she wants to start using cannabis .and she shave down there never has she done that. i must admit at first i was in shock but we feel great been together she has not change a bit at home seems like 2 lifes. so my concerns if you can all reply ..#1 can this Damage our relationship beyond repair? #2 can she fall in love? do will regret this in the future cause she seems eager to go out . and #3 knowing that she will leave it makes me feel horny but this pain takes over everything ! but i cant stop her i do not want divorced neither she has mention to me this she even said trust me if i did not love you i could just leave with my mom house and done! but those are not my intentions. she says if i want to when ever things happen like sex or what guys told her or what she did she will tell me everything and i will always have my wife at home having sex withe me . but we did mention using protection if we ge to the point of sleeping around ,conclusion !!! did i turn crazy ? did i loose my balls ? my car has gps she doesnt know the place she went thats the exact place she told me she went to so no lies so far ..what are your opinions guys ,. i know how guys can be ..it does crossed my mind that she might meet mr right and things can get over i will keep and eye if i notice any changes at all affecting our kids private life then i feel there is something horrible going on in this relationship i hope you all understood . i dont see her in a bad way shes been a good wife and a friend


Your marriage is, was and has always been open. She just didn't tell you.

"_she first said only 3 dudes ,it turns out years alter she mention to me 13 dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods_" Evolving story and changing details - this is called trickle truth. There are likely many, many more men that you are unaware of up until the present.

"_its been a few months that out the blue she tells me i feel very horny like a change in me . shes like im going to destroy you every night like and urge ., but then my wife started getting more concern about her appearance she wants to loose more weight even hates her belly shes 168 lbs wants to be 150 at least _."

Increased sexual appetite and she wants to get in shape. She is sexually active with other men and you should get yourself tested for STDs. You benefitted yes but only because the other men were unavailable for one reason or another and you were. You shouldn't be flattered. You were her second choice and have always been. 

Consider DNA testing your 4 kids. The results will possibly reveal one or perhaps four harsh truths to you.

When one spouse springs the concept of opening the marriage up on another it is done so because they have someone in mind and want to stray or they are already involved with others and would like to have their betrayed spouse to agree to the arrangement retroactively without knowing the truth of course. People who are genuinely interested in this lifestyle express their interest long before a relationship or marriage is cemented.

You are foolish if you think your wife will use protection or respect any boundaries you set if you choose to humor her request to open the marriage. She has already opened the marriage on her end.

If you desire the truth do some digging. DNA test your kids. Get yourself tested for STDs

If you wish to ignore the above completely, best of luck to you.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Caifan said:


> honestly THE SEX WITH HER LOST THE LOVE I FEEL SO DIFERENT AND I GET MOMENTS OF ANXIETY ,,GOING INSANE


Do you even realize you are asking internet stranger if it is ok for your wife to **** other men? Get a divorce!!!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Open marriage? Sure?

I'll start with an open door - out you go!


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> I'll start with an open door - out you go!


This^.

If my wife ever came to me with something this preposterous I'd show her the door.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Caifan said:


> lets say she always does use condom! still not safe ? what about kissing >>>>?>??


Your life, your choice. What if she gives guy bj then comes home and deep kisses you. Are you ok with that? The thought would make me puke! I would never kiss her again. Except she will give him a bj come home deep kiss you then tell you he came in her mouth and she swallowed.

Enjoy 😐
Your questions are unreal. Sorry, just unbelievable.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Caifan said:


> .... i hope she doesnt leave me once my kids are gone.
> 
> i be honest and please answer this ..she wants to keep it as one night but ,,what if the guy finish then says wow ,,i have to see you again?
> 
> ...


There is meaningless ejaculation for a guy. This can be a one night stand type of sex. But that kind of sex is not really all that enjoyable unless you like keeping score for bragging rights or some such other shallow thing.

To have really good sex requires exposing some emotional vulnerability. If you become emotionally vulnerable with too many different people (aka, lots of one night stands) you will get emotionally hurt. That is why sex with someone you care about and have gotten to know (at least a little) usually is required for good sex. 

Most men want to have good sex over ejaculation. Most women want to have good sex and that usually means some emotionally connection. I think you really could benefit from some professional counseling with a marriage counselor, either individually or with your wife.

Good luck.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If this story is even for real, I think she just got tired of pretending to be a good girl and got tired of having to sneak around and cover her tracks all the time with the guys she’s been hooking up with from Day-One.

And she realized he would be naive and gullible enough to go along with it, so why not. 

So IMHO there is one of two things going on here - 

- one is this is how she’s always been and now that she’s 41 and the kids are almost grown, she’s tired of pretending to be monogamous and just wants to do her thang with or without his blessing and so far he’s blessing it (this is my bet as to what’s going on)

- the other is that she is having some kind of psychiatric event taking place. Hypersexuality and impulsiveness can be signs of psychiatric event. This would probably manifest in additional ways as well however such as coming home with a new Jaguar out of the blue one day or climbing on a flight Cozemel or something without any discussion or considerations of household budget or other family activities or employment consequences etc. 

If this is even true, my guess is this is how she’s always been and she knows she can do it and he won’t do anything about it.


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## Jeffsmith35 (Apr 8, 2021)

A very large percentage of the time when a spouse asks for an open marriage, they are already actively engaged in an affair. The suggestion of open marriage is a guilt remover. If the other spouse agrees, their affair guilt is instantly absolved. Ewww.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've had an open relationship/marriage for 22 years. It works because we have VERY clear rules and boundaries, require explicit consent every time we meet someone, and we make sure we _both_ have roughly equal opportunities to play with others so there is no reason for resentment (because, face it, most women will _always_ have far more options). Many such arrangements do not work, mainly because of poor adherence to mutually agreeable rules or an inability to handle jealousy.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Caifan said:


> listen i know we agree to all i just wanted to see if actually tell me that she was at the right place not lying thats what i want to know when she lies i will confront her i have air tag o my car hidden . i went to the bar she went to and she was dancing she did not see me the guy and the bar match all she told me when she got home ... if she starts having sex with condom ? do i still need to wear one ?


That is going to be up to you two, but I would suggest it, at least until you are certain that she is maintaining safe sex. Remember that a condom can fail. While birth control is a worry, the STI's are moreso, and pills don't stop them. When I do have an outside GF, I don't use a condom at home with the wives because we have all decided that the risk was minimal and low enough. But it is also been agreed that should I encounter a session with a GF where the condom breaks, we either abstain or use condoms until the test come back. That was our risk assessment agreed by all, and we already have that trust that we are not questioning whether or not the others will uphold the agreement.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Caifan said:


> *why tested for std? even with condoms ??*


Yes. Very much so. Condoms can fail. But again, this comes down to your trust levels and how much you trust the condoms as well. Condoms do have about a 95%+ rate of success, but that last little bit can be a problem when it comes to STI's.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Caifan said:


> hello i been together with my wife for 19 years we got married around 20 right now we are in our 41 year old age ,my wife and my self have always been a good couple we do have 4 kids everyone is almost 18 and up. we go to vacations every year we feel the bond i feel her love , she has had a past thats what i get for asking ,she first told me that she was sexually active from age 15 to the when i met her ..she first said only 3 dudes ,it turns out years alter she mention to me _13_ dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods .at first it bother me like hell knowing honestly i do not know if am crazy ..but i start asking more and more to the point of details my anger became like a fantasy little little over time i even ask her to call me by there names ,crazy i know guys but it honestly turns me on. i cant explain i never been this way ..she tells me the full details poundings size everything.
> 
> when i found out about all of that i start changing our sex life even bought toys .our sex has been amazing orgasm like 3-4 times per everytime she fully satisfied me! and she seems to like our sex life ..so i have never ever in my life research the word mid life crisis i did not even knew that thing existed ,. its been a few months that out the blue she tells me i feel very horny like a change in me . shes like im going to destroy you every night like and urge ., but then my wife started getting more concern about her appearance she wants to loose more weight even hates her belly shes 168 lbs wants to be 150 at least . i cheer her up i honestly tought she was getting her self stem up..i encourage her . then every friday saturday she wanted to do things that we have not done in years she wants to go out and dance .
> 
> ...


Ok onto the main issue.

Open marriage/swinging is a thing. It's valid and it _can _work. Note that _can_ does not automatically mean _will_. A lot will depend upon the temperament of the two of you. As is, from what I can understand, it seems that you have a very good start. But as a couple of others have pointed out, you need to seriously work on improving your communications skills. And I am not talking about your typing here in the forum. You both need to figure out what are your boundaries each, and you need to make them clear to the other. This can actually get tedious. Aside from one telling the other what those boundaries are, the other then should rephrase the boundary for the one to ensure that it was properly understood. Furthermore, try to think up variations on both what's allowed and what's not, to see where those variations fall. Some might not fall under the same category as the main boundary.

If you continue on this road, hopefully she will prove herself to be honest in her dealings, and you will be so towards her as well. If so the stress of this will lessen. You are making a change after 2 decades of another pattern. That will always be stressful and make you unsure. Ask people who enter into retirement and suddenly are home all the time. That has also ended quite a few marriages. Don't be afraid to bring up insecurities, and don't berate her if she ever does. Listen to them and address them and decide together what to do about the concern if anything needs to be done.

Also don't listen to your brother or anyone else who tells you to "get your balls back". If you do then you still have no balls, because you followed someone else's ideal, not your own.

Also, make sure you both discuss what happens if feelings do arise. It's not all the uncommon. It may end up that there becomes some dedicated play partners, but the feelings, while there, never get to or past the "spend the rest of your life together" stage. But decide now, and re-evaluate periodically, whether polyamory is an option/possibility for the two of you. You might find others that you end up in a closed poly group with, or you might continue be open/swingers. 

Go check out Touch Of Flavor podcast. There is a lot of great information there about open, poly and kinks, the last of which some types of open relationships fall under. Find local support groups or munches where you can discuss these things with people who are already experienced with the lifestyle. They can help you to see problems before they arise or become overwhelming.


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## MiaMia0930 (11 mo ago)

Caifan said:


> hello i been together with my wife for 19 years we got married around 20 right now we are in our 41 year old age ,my wife and my self have always been a good couple we do have 4 kids everyone is almost 18 and up. we go to vacations every year we feel the bond i feel her love , she has had a past thats what i get for asking ,she first told me that she was sexually active from age 15 to the when i met her ..she first said only 3 dudes ,it turns out years alter she mention to me _13_ dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods .at first it bother me like hell knowing honestly i do not know if am crazy ..but i start asking more and more to the point of details my anger became like a fantasy little little over time i even ask her to call me by there names ,crazy i know guys but it honestly turns me on. i cant explain i never been this way ..she tells me the full details poundings size everything.
> 
> when i found out about all of that i start changing our sex life even bought toys .our sex has been amazing orgasm like 3-4 times per everytime she fully satisfied me! and she seems to like our sex life ..so i have never ever in my life research the word mid life crisis i did not even knew that thing existed ,. its been a few months that out the blue she tells me i feel very horny like a change in me . shes like im going to destroy you every night like and urge ., but then my wife started getting more concern about her appearance she wants to loose more weight even hates her belly shes 168 lbs wants to be 150 at least . i cheer her up i honestly tought she was getting her self stem up..i encourage her . then every friday saturday she wanted to do things that we have not done in years she wants to go out and dance .
> 
> ...


Sir, I would say your wife is already doing these things while at “girls night” or you’ve given her a reason to assume you need more. My mom gave my dad this same spill and she was already cheating on him. Once he did as she requested, my mom divorced him. I’ve had a friend tell her husband to do this because he hadn’t “sowed his wild oats” (as she called them) before they married.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Caifan said:


> my qestion is is this how she has really been but why now!!


Empty nest. She now has the freedom to do what would have been harder when the kids were younger. She might not have had the courage before as well. Early menopause is also a possibility. For some women it revs the engine, not drops it to idle. There are so many possibilities. Thing is, it doesn't matter why now. It's happening. The question is what are the two of you going to do about it?


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## MiaMia0930 (11 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You say that two adults agree, but this sounds very one sided. Even in this post you obviously aren't 100% in agreement. You are playing with fire. Wait till she comes home a recounts how she had sex with some guy she just met at a club or bar. How hard he made her orgasm. You will either be ok, maybe even turned on by it, or it will be something that you can never get out of your mind. You will forever have the image of your wife being promiscuous.


💯👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 This right here!


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> #1 Yes #2 Yes #3 what is the question.
> 
> Your wife has gone over the edge into the abyss and if you let her she will drag you in too. Since divorce is off the table, I guess you are just along for whatever consequences arrive.
> 
> Honestly, sounds she is Batshyte nuts.


I agree.

I can't be part of this thread.

First of all, open marriage for guys usually means that they sit at home pleasuring themselves while their wives are out getting the real thing.

Secondly, he got married to be exclusive. Now that he has served his purpose as a dad, his wife wants to go out and be a playmate for other guys and yet he really believes in this and calls her a good wife and friend ?

If he ever measured up or she ever measured up, there would be no issue and she would be with him exclusively. This isn't even about measuring up. This is about her greed and empty nest syndrome. This OP is in for a hard world right now because he played it weak and decided to play the cuckold game rather than telling her to screw off and going out and getting himself a 30 year old piece of eye candy.

OP is lost and without a cause. I feel badly for him. He wasted 20 years of his life on someone who is head crazed. He should divorce and move on while he's still young enough to find something else.

Wait until she finds the best thing. He will be in divorce anyway at that point, at her bidding.

Sorry you lost your marriage dude.

Also one last point. This open marriage garbage. If you have to break the primary rule of marriage which is fidelity and monogamy to set a different bunch of rules, those secondary rules don't mean squat. That is like saying you will never be a criminal but once you jump into the field of crime that you will limit yourself to only certain types of crimes. That is why some studies show that only 5% of the marriages, or even less, are 'open' in this country and some studies show 90% of those even fail.


I know of 19 open marriages among people I know and 17 have failed.

Your wife also has the lead on this as she has other guys lined up.

You need to take control, tell her 'no' to open marriage or tell her you are filing papers.


I am done wasting time on this one


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

duplicitous


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Empty nest. She now has the freedom to do what would have been harder when the kids were younger. She might not have had the courage before as well. Early menopause is also a possibility. For some women it revs the engine, not drops it to idle. There are so many possibilities. Thing is, it doesn't matter why now. It's happening. The question is what are the two of you going to do about it?


I agree. Empty nest


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

do we need to open up a new "Focused Forum" named "My Wife Wants to Cuckold Me"?

seems that way lately.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Has she actually slept with any of these men yet or only dancing and kissing so far?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I know this won't be a popular opinion. If you are wanting an open marriage it's because you don't love her. If she agrees to an open marriage, she doesn't love you. I know that seems small and country and provincial, if I were a good wife I'd be fine with open marriage and realize that I'm older and I would be a fool to expect fidelity. I would say ask for a divorce and do the honorable thing. Release her so she can have the love she deserves. If you really love someone, you want them to be happy. If he loves you, he wants the same for you. Let it die.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

some guys want to encourage their wives to act this way.
she is 41 years old, so her biological clock is ticking. In fact it might be a hormonal thing related to menopause that has her so horny RIGHT NOW, and wanting to find other men.

you have been warned about the potential dangers of agreeing with her plan. so, let all that sink in, and judge if you are willing to take those risks for the sake of her, and possibly your, kinky satisfaction. The risk is that within the next five years, you get divorced. it seems like at least half, maybe 2/3 of cuckold marriages end up that way. And how do you explain it to your children when they find out?

Have you tried ROLE PLAYING this with her to see if she is really into it? To see if it makes you horny too? Like she goes to a bar, dressed up very sexy, and sits there alone. then you come in, and you two pretend to not know each other. You try to pick her up and talk her into going to your hotel room for wild sex.

Role playing it _might be enough _for her, without her actually becoming a hotwife, or you becoming a cuckold.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Came across this and found it appropriate to the topic:



https://stories.avvo.com/relationships/can-open-marriage-really-work.html said:


> *Conflicting study conclusions*
> Different studies have resulted in conflicting conclusions about how open marriages actually function. One study says that 92 percent of open marriages end in divorce, supporting a common notion that marriage without exclusivity is doomed to fail. In contrast, data compiled by researcher J.K. Dixon indicate that 80 percent of wives in open marriages rate their compatibility with their spouse as excellent or good and 76 percent rate their sexual satisfaction the same way.
> 
> A study of same-sex male couples found that half of the open marriages studied among the group did not end in divorce. A _New York Times_ piece examined this study and contemplated whether male same-sex marriages are better able to withstand open infidelity because the spouses enter into them with a better understanding of what to expect.
> ...


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

^ article ^
it is a complex thing too, so a "study's" boundaries means a lot to its conclusion.

Is the marriage an equally open swinging situation, where both of you are on SLS and attending swinging parties?

If you are swinging, do you do it with the same extramarital partners? or is it with new people you are constantly meeting. that would affect the dymanics on if you stay together or not.

Is the wife a hotwife, and the husband just enjoys being a voyeur?

Is the wife cuckolding her husband?

I see the cuckolding type of "swinging" as being the most dangerous, as the wife is shown over and over again that her husband is inadequate, and eventually she just leaves him for a more alpha male.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I know this won't be a popular opinion. If you are wanting an open marriage it's because you don't love her. If she agrees to an open marriage, she doesn't love you. *I know that seems small and country and provincial,* if I were a good wife I'd be fine with open marriage and *realize that I'm older and I would be a fool to expect fidelit*y. I would say ask for a divorce and do the honorable thing. Release her so she can have the love she deserves. If you really love someone, you want them to be happy. If he loves you, he wants the same for you. Let it die.


This is an excellent summary of this whole topic, and honestly not sure how "open" and being a "cuckold" fits into a "talk about *marriage*". I am not sure what "open" has to do with marriage which I too, being provincial and "country", was to be "forsaking all others etc." Seems to me "open" just means not married, playing the field. I mean if that is what a person wants in life, to do everyone of the opposite sex they can, what is the point of being married? The tax break? 

As I said once before, am way older than you. And neither of us are fools. I expect fidelity as a necessary condition to remain married. If the wife had EVER even mentioned wanting to "open" our marriage, I would have opened the door and invited her to go enjoy herself, "please sign these divorce documents on your way out". And if I had ever said such a thing, likely wouldn't have lived long enough to sign anything.

I know there are a few on this board who have swung, had an open marriage for years etc and claimed it was great. We don't know how that all ends, when they are old and grey like me. In most cases, like the OP of this thread, it would be interesting to hear a few years from now how their life is. Rather like asking someone who liked their first drug hit how life has been after a decade as an addict.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> do we need to open up a new "Focused Forum" named "My Wife Wants to Cuckold Me"?
> 
> seems that way lately.


I agree. Just can't fathom it


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> This is an excellent summary of this whole topic, and honestly not sure how "open" and being a "cuckold" fits into a "talk about *marriage*". I am not sure what "open" has to do with marriage which I too, being provincial and "country", was to be "forsaking all others etc." Seems to me "open" just means not married, playing the field. I mean if that is what a person wants in life, to do everyone of the opposite sex they can, what is the point of being married? The tax break?
> 
> As I said once before, am way older than you. And neither of us are fools. I expect fidelity as a necessary condition to remain married. If the wife had EVER even mentioned wanting to "open" our marriage, I would have opened the door and invited her to go enjoy herself, "please sign these divorce documents on your way out". And if I had ever said such a thing, likely wouldn't have lived long enough to sign anything.
> 
> I know there are a few on this board who have swung, had an open marriage for years etc and claimed it was great. We don't know how that all ends, when they are old and grey like me. In most cases, like the OP of this thread, it would be interesting to hear a few years from now how their life is. Rather like asking someone who liked their first drug hit how life has been after a decade as an addict.


yes and I have seen firsthand the damage these arrangements have caused among people who I washed my hands of and who once were my friends. They even tried talking me into it and I told them to F off. I'd rather be single and find someone who only wants me. These arrangements aren't marriage to me. I get it to each their own but these situations are rough because so many people come to these boards with their lives shattered because of infidelity and then you have people coming here voluntarily giving up their monogamy for free. That has to be really deflating for the people who come to these boards for help because they have lost their exclusivity and monogamous relationships.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

wmn1 said:


> I agree. Just can't fathom it


OR we are just being epically trolled.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> OR we are just being epically trolled.


This ^^^^^^


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

You'll have to choose your reality



Caifan said:


> i did snap one time !! i turn on the light at night and i was like love i cant do this anymore stop pretending! you need to pack your sh$% and leave the home !


I'd say listen to the snap



Caifan said:


> we are both agreeing to this ..i feel her love the same way ...its normal i feel ok cause i set ground rules


And don't listen to this guy ^


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> Has she actually slept with any of these men yet or only dancing and kissing so far?


thanks to all the great comments ! and yes this story is truth not fantasy ,,so this is how it went ..she was having some problems with me ,,at first before all this agreement..cause she ask me for some freedom at first cause she say we felt into this routine! and wanted to spice things up..i can confirm guys! she has never cheated one me we been a strong couple up until recently about 1 week ago when she ask me for this ,,she has never gone out alone with out me ! she has never cheated on me shes a good wife! im not stupid i could jut divorced her and move on! but we spoke yesterday cause i told her listen! you cant be treating me like your friend! this are my rules! #1 trust and communications always as soon as you meet anyone as soon as you do anything sexually you tell me right away! not negotiable ! her answer I AGREE..second me im not looking for love im not seeking to meet someone and leave you cause i love you! HER answer ..SAME here ! honey how long you been wanting to do this having sex with others? ANSWER weeks ago but i juste want to meet and hang out have fun..i smile and go yeah right you been wanting to have sex ..how do you prepared your self not to fall in love? HER ANSWER- cause im not looking for love and i have never been in that situtaion! thats her answer for most i havent been in that situation true cause we just started last week! we agree that no one we meet can interfiered with our personal kids life ! she AGREE.. i told her im just concern about your safety be careful ! when we are together here i treat her like a queen,,i make sure she feels love ! so what ever happens i know its not me ,,also i told her WHEN EVER YOU WANT TO STOP THIS JUST TELL ME ! she says OK.. if it was up to me i will prefer not ! but she wont tell me that she wants to move foward so i dont mind ..QUESTION GUYS?? CAN SHE TELL RIGHT AWAY WHEN HAVING SEX COULD SHE TELL HOW DIFFERENT THE MOVES ARE THEN WITH ME ? THIS IS MY THEORY...SHE HAS BEEN WITH 13 GUYS WHILE A TEENAGER ! I THINK FOR 20+ YEARS SHE PLAY THE WIFE VERY GOOD BUT HER HORNY SELF WANTS MORE NOW THAT MY KIDS ARE OLDER ? she told me last night i think it will take me a while to have sex with someone she even told me while dancing with other gusy she felt weird ??? i just hope she enjoys sex and comes back with the same love to me i bee looking out for danger signs ..one thing that is my back up is the tracking on my car if she ever lies about where she went then thats when i will confront her and stop all of this .


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

maquiscat said:


> Came across this and found it appropriate to the topic:


The “in contrast” study only stated the results of the wives’ opinions. So no really countering the study that said most marriages fail.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Caifan said:


> thanks to all the great comments ! and yes this story is truth not fantasy ,,so this is how it went ..she was having some problems with me ,,at first before all this agreement..cause she ask me for some freedom at first cause she say we felt into this routine! and wanted to spice things up..i can confirm guys! she has never cheated one me we been a strong couple up until recently about 1 week ago when she ask me for this ,,she has never gone out alone with out me ! she has never cheated on me shes a good wife! im not stupid i could jut divorced her and move on! but we spoke yesterday cause i told her listen! you cant be treating me like your friend! this are my rules! #1 trust and communications always as soon as you meet anyone as soon as you do anything sexually you tell me right away! not negotiable ! her answer I AGREE..second me im not looking for love im not seeking to meet someone and leave you cause i love you! HER answer ..SAME here ! honey how long you been wanting to do this having sex with others? ANSWER weeks ago but i juste want to meet and hang out have fun..i smile and go yeah right you been wanting to have sex ..how do you prepared your self not to fall in love? HER ANSWER- cause im not looking for love and i have never been in that situtaion! thats her answer for most i havent been in that situation true cause we just started last week! we agree that no one we meet can interfiered with our personal kids life ! she AGREE.. i told her im just concern about your safety be careful ! when we are together here i treat her like a queen,,i make sure she feels love ! so what ever happens i know its not me ,,also i told her WHEN EVER YOU WANT TO STOP THIS JUST TELL ME ! she says OK.. if it was up to me i will prefer not ! but she wont tell me that she wants to move foward so i dont mind ..QUESTION GUYS?? CAN SHE TELL RIGHT AWAY WHEN HAVING SEX COULD SHE TELL HOW DIFFERENT THE MOVES ARE THEN WITH ME ? THIS IS MY THEORY...SHE HAS BEEN WITH 13 GUYS WHILE A TEENAGER ! I THINK FOR 20+ YEARS SHE PLAY THE WIFE VERY GOOD BUT HER HORNY SELF WANTS MORE NOW THAT MY KIDS ARE OLDER ? she told me last night i think it will take me a while to have sex with someone she even told me while dancing with other gusy she felt weird ??? i just hope she enjoys sex and comes back with the same love to me i bee looking out for danger signs ..one thing that is my back up is the tracking on my car if she ever lies about where she went then thats when i will confront her and stop all of this .


In your title you state you don’t want this. So don’t allow it.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

manwithnoname said:


> The “in contrast” study only stated the results of the wives’ opinions. So no really countering the study that said most marriages fail.


If those marriages are still going on and both are happy, then they haven't failed have they?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

maquiscat said:


> If those marriages are still going on and both are happy, then they haven't failed have they?


If the husband is unhappy, too weak to divorce, and effectively turned into a cuckold, it hasn’t succeeded either.

In his title he said he doesn’t want an open marriage, stop trying to promote something he doesn’t want.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Caifan said:


> CAN SHE TELL RIGHT AWAY WHEN HAVING SEX COULD SHE TELL HOW DIFFERENT THE MOVES ARE THEN WITH ME ? THIS IS MY THEORY...SHE HAS BEEN WITH 13 GUYS WHILE A TEENAGER ! I THINK FOR 20+ YEARS SHE PLAY THE WIFE VERY GOOD BUT HER HORNY SELF WANTS MORE NOW THAT MY KIDS ARE OLDER ?


Yes she can tell. And trust me ANYONE will better for her than you are because of the novelty. And, for sure it wont take long to find someone bigger, better, badder who she will want as much if as she can get. And you cant compete ever with the novelty and the illicit excitement. She may look to try two men at a time. The sky is the limit. You are the boring 20 years past. She knows what you feel like. She wants someone(s) else inside of her.

Your diagnosis is right on. 20+ years n her horny self wants out of the basement.

A lot if misery awaits you. Buy a big box of condoms if you stay with her. The filly is already out of the barn and every stallion in town is chomping at the bit. Word travels fast


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Caifan said:


> A lot if misery awaits you. ????? it turns me on knowing someone will pound her she squirts very easy too!


then just admit you want a cuckold lifestyle, and start living it fully.
if it turns you on, this is the new sex in your marriage. 
read up on cuckold relationships, and how to set up boundaries ahead of time so that you will not have major disagreements--assume nothing as she is thinking on a way different sexual plane than you are now. 

as a minimum, discuss how she finds bulls for sex? Are you at all involved in the choice?
Will she allow you to see PM's from potential mates?
Can she sleep with them in your marriage bed? Or does it have to be outside the house?
Can you too get a hall pass, or is she going to lock down your sex life?
What sort of cuckold would you like to be? One who is humiliated by her and her bulls, or one that simply enjoys knowing she is getting good sex along with the normal sex in your marriage?

and so on.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I am out of this thread. You said in the title you DIDNT want to cuckold. Now you are chomping at the bit for anither man to bang your WIFE?!?!?

You will get your wish in spades. Hope it works for you


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

I’m out as well. I don’t like my time wasted.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Your title says you don't, but it sounds like you do. 

Be careful what you wish for, because to me, it sounds like she's out finding your replacement - with your permission.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Sounds like a midlife crisis on steroids. It wont be long before she pulls up in a new Mustang with the top down and a club dress that is to small.

Next will be her riding off with some random 23 year old guy named Chad..... Then when reality hits, she will come to you asking for forgiveness.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> then just admit you want a cuckold lifestyle, and start living it fully.
> if it turns you on, this is the new sex in your marriage.
> read up on cuckold relationships, and how to set up boundaries ahead of time so that you will not have major disagreements--assume nothing as she is thinking on a way different sexual plane than you are now.
> 
> ...


awsome


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Being trolled here most likely imho, too.


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## Destrozada (10 mo ago)

Caifan said:


> hello i been together with my wife for 19 years we got married around 20 right now we are in our 41 year old age ,my wife and my self have always been a good couple we do have 4 kids everyone is almost 18 and up. we go to vacations every year we feel the bond i feel her love , she has had a past thats what i get for asking ,she first told me that she was sexually active from age 15 to the when i met her ..she first said only 3 dudes ,it turns out years alter she mention to me _13_ dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods .at first it bother me like hell knowing honestly i do not know if am crazy ..but i start asking more and more to the point of details my anger became like a fantasy little little over time i even ask her to call me by there names ,crazy i know guys but it honestly turns me on. i cant explain i never been this way ..she tells me the full details poundings size everything.
> 
> when i found out about all of that i start changing our sex life even bought toys .our sex has been amazing orgasm like 3-4 times per everytime she fully satisfied me! and she seems to like our sex life ..so i have never ever in my life research the word mid life crisis i did not even knew that thing existed ,. its been a few months that out the blue she tells me i feel very horny like a change in me . shes like im going to destroy you every night like and urge ., but then my wife started getting more concern about her appearance she wants to loose more weight even hates her belly shes 168 lbs wants to be 150 at least . i cheer her up i honestly tought she was getting her self stem up..i encourage her . then every friday saturday she wanted to do things that we have not done in years she wants to go out and dance .
> 
> ...




It all comes down to having a solid marriage makes a big difference. You could have an open relationship and be happy. I haven't done it myself but I have heard from couples who have done it that they do it because their marriage is very solid and strong.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> OR we are just being epically trolled.


right ???


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

manwithnoname said:


> If the husband is unhappy, too weak to divorce, and effectively turned into a cuckold, it hasn’t succeeded either.
> 
> In his title he said he doesn’t want an open marriage, stop trying to promote something he doesn’t want.


amen


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

manwithnoname said:


> The “in contrast” study only stated the results of the wives’ opinions. So no really countering the study that said most marriages fail.


agreed. Meanwhile all of those guys who actually opposed it are holding on by a thread or have divorced. I also don't understand why 80% of wives see themselves as compatible but have to go out and make a joke of their marriage by bedding other men. If I wanted a 'loose one', I would have stayed single and played the field. Acting like an honorable and ethical wife while going out to get banged by other guys is both emasculating and polarizing.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Destrozada said:


> It all comes down to having a solid marriage makes a big difference. You could have an open relationship and be happy. I haven't done it myself but I have heard from couples who have done it that they do it because their marriage is very solid and strong.


actually, most readings I have seen said that many of these marriages are about to fail and they open it up to try to save the marriage and they mostly fail anyway.

If one has a solid marriage, why bring 3rd parties into it ? Are you using other people ? Manipulating other people ? I don't see it as solid and strong. I see it as toe people who aren't enough for each other and are too lazy to fix their $hit and improve things so they turn into deviants to get their self fulfillment.

Always remember, these people will use talking points to justify themselves. At the end of the night, when I have wifey time, I want to know who she is thinking about when we are in the middle of it


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Being trolled here most likely imho, too.


His last couple of posts seem to support this.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

wmn1 said:


> actually, most readings I have seen said that many of these marriages are about to fail and they open it up to try to save the marriage and they mostly fail anyway.


Which is why those of us who actually live these lifestyles ( not limited to **** or open) make a point to tell others that it will more than likely NOT save a marriage in jeopardy.



> If one has a solid marriage, why bring 3rd parties into it ?


Why not? Answer this, if your family life is solid with one child, why bring other children into it?



> Are you using other people ?


Not if they are fully informed and agree to it. Something I highly recommend.



> Manipulating other people ?


Again, if you have full disclosure going on, no, not really.



> I don't see it as solid and strong.


Such is your paradigm and viewpoint. But that also comes from a place of knowing what is solid and strong _for you_. That might not work for others. There is no one true way.



> I see it as toe people who aren't enough for each other and are too lazy to fix their $hit and improve things so they turn into deviants to get their self fulfillment.


Hey if you are enough for each other then you don't need any other friends either, If you have guy friends you are hanging out with, then your wife must not be enough for you and you are too lazy to fix your s**t. Now that is me pointing out the flaw in the logic, and I really don't think that of you.



> Always remember, these people will use talking points to justify themselves. At the end of the night, when I have wifey time, I want to know who she is thinking about when we are in the middle of it


I've been in this lifestyle (among others) for over 20 years, and I know a couple who have been doing this for half a century or more, and they are still going strong as a couple. At the end of the day, here is what I know. My wives and my husband are coming home to me. I cannot provide them with each and every thing they need. Most of what I can't give they get through platonic friends of both sexes, and occasionally get it from non-platonic friends. And yet they still come home to me, and I still come home to them. If that isn't solid, I don't know what is. It's not for everyone, or even most, but that doesn't make it any less solid and strong for those of us who can and do.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Which is why those of us who actually live these lifestyles ( not limited to **** or open) make a point to tell others that it will more than likely NOT save a marriage in jeopardy.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


to me, it has destroyed 17 beautiful families. The ones who have survived were predatory in their conquests and broke up other families. Just stay single and bang who you can. Stop making a mockery out of marriage.

How anyone can sit there and accept sloppy seconds from their wife after she just screwed an alpha male has issues.

My opinion.

17 0f 19 that I know with damaged families. People can't handle this stuff.

If I am not enough for my wife so that she has to request an open marriage, let me go. Respectful divorce. Let me find someone who will give me the chance and not become an escort for other men. There is a reason that only 4% do this and their divorce rate is high. Making it sound ok here is doing a lot of people an injustice, especially those who came here after the tragedy of infidelity just to be advised by a few here to let their wives or husbands sleep around with other people when they couldn't accept it the first time.

It's really disgusting.

BTW, I am enough for my wife. She isn't a cum dumpster for other men. She is enough for me. When I am slacking, she lets me know. When she is, I let her know. We seek internal solutions. We don't involve outsiders. I hang out with buddies and she hangs out with girlfriends on occasion. That's what friendships are about but it's not excessive. That's natural but my S**t is squared away. Thank you very much.

BTW, my dog comes back after taking a s##t every night. Coming home every night isn't special. It's what you do and the value you have as a human being that matters.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Destrozada said:


> It all comes down to having a solid marriage makes a big difference. You could have an open relationship and be happy. I haven't done it myself but I have heard from couples who have done it that they do it because their marriage is very solid and strong.


If it's so solid and strong there would be no need to comit adultery.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

I honestly don’t understand why someone gets married if they don’t want to be married. It makes no sense to me. But as long as they’re all consenting adults, they’re free to do as they please. I don’t appreciate the condescending attitude they have toward people with more traditional values, though.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

wmn1 said:


> to me, it has destroyed 17 beautiful families. The ones who have survived were predatory in their conquests and broke up other families. Just stay single and bang who you can. Stop making a mockery out of marriage.
> 
> How anyone can sit there and accept sloppy seconds from their wife after she just screwed an alpha male has issues.
> 
> ...


Horrible to think of all those poor children whose lives were turned upside down because their parents couldn't even be bothered to be faithful. So selfish. Do what you like if you are single but please be a responsible human being once you bring children into it. 
Makes me despair.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I honestly don’t understand why someone gets married if they don’t want to be married. It makes no sense to me. But as long as they’re all consenting adults, they’re free to do as they please. I don’t appreciate the condescending attitude they have toward people with more traditional values, though.


Agreed. As if our marriages aren't 'strong' enough or 'secure' enough to go off and have casual sex. It's actually the opposite.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Agreed. As if our marriages aren't 'strong' enough or 'secure' enough to go off and have casual sex. It's actually the opposite.


Or because we’re “insecure and jealous.” No, I believe that if he feels that being faithful to me is too big a “sacrifice,” he doesn’t understand what he has and is therefore not the right person for me. I feel I deserve to be valued. That’s kinda the opposite of “insecure.”


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Agreed. As if our marriages aren't 'strong' enough or 'secure' enough to go off and have casual sex. It's actually the opposite.


amen, Diana. I didn't sign up for being married because it was easy but I knew that if I had difficulties, my wife would rise to the occasion and she has and she has put up with my garbage as well. God bless her. We are a team. I don't need to hook up with someone on some website to seek validation. I get that from my wife all the time. I have too many stories to tell on the disaster that these relationships cause. If I can confide in my wife and she listens and vice versa, after 25 years, we have figured it out.

Noone is perfect. But build from within, not from the outside


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

agreed. 


TexasMom1216 said:


> Or because we’re “insecure and jealous.” No, I believe that if he feels that being faithful to me is too big a “sacrifice,” he doesn’t understand what he has and is therefore not the right person for me. I feel I deserve to be valued. That’s kinda the opposite of “insecure.”


You have been right from the getgo. I get home everyday and get to relax because I know I am loved. I have no fear of what she is doing for the next 4 hours and she knows where I am. Right next to her


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> I honestly don’t understand why someone gets married if they don’t want to be married. It makes no sense to me. But as long as they’re all consenting adults, they’re free to do as they please. I don’t appreciate the condescending attitude they have toward people with more traditional values, though.


It's a reflection of the condescending attitude we get from a lot, but thankfully not all, of people with more "traditional" values.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Caifan said:


> thanks to all the great comments ! and yes this story is truth not fantasy ,,so this is how it went ..she was having some problems with me ,,at first before all this agreement..cause she ask me for some freedom at first cause she say we felt into this routine! and wanted to spice things up..i can confirm guys! she has never cheated one me we been a strong couple up until recently about 1 week ago when she ask me for this ,,she has never gone out alone with out me ! she has never cheated on me shes a good wife! im not stupid i could jut divorced her and move on! but we spoke yesterday cause i told her listen! you cant be treating me like your friend! this are my rules! #1 trust and communications always as soon as you meet anyone as soon as you do anything sexually you tell me right away! not negotiable ! her answer I AGREE..second me im not looking for love im not seeking to meet someone and leave you cause i love you! HER answer ..SAME here ! honey how long you been wanting to do this having sex with others? ANSWER weeks ago but i juste want to meet and hang out have fun..i smile and go yeah right you been wanting to have sex ..how do you prepared your self not to fall in love? HER ANSWER- cause im not looking for love and i have never been in that situtaion! thats her answer for most i havent been in that situation true cause we just started last week! we agree that no one we meet can interfiered with our personal kids life ! she AGREE.. i told her im just concern about your safety be careful ! when we are together here i treat her like a queen,,i make sure she feels love ! so what ever happens i know its not me ,,also i told her WHEN EVER YOU WANT TO STOP THIS JUST TELL ME ! she says OK.. if it was up to me i will prefer not ! but she wont tell me that she wants to move foward so i dont mind ..QUESTION GUYS?? CAN SHE TELL RIGHT AWAY WHEN HAVING SEX COULD SHE TELL HOW DIFFERENT THE MOVES ARE THEN WITH ME ? THIS IS MY THEORY...SHE HAS BEEN WITH 13 GUYS WHILE A TEENAGER ! I THINK FOR 20+ YEARS SHE PLAY THE WIFE VERY GOOD BUT HER HORNY SELF WANTS MORE NOW THAT MY KIDS ARE OLDER ? she told me last night i think it will take me a while to have sex with someone she even told me while dancing with other gusy she felt weird ??? i just hope she enjoys sex and comes back with the same love to me i bee looking out for danger signs ..one thing that is my back up is the tracking on my car if she ever lies about where she went then thats when i will confront her and stop all of this .


So she hasn't slept with any of these guys? Just danced while feeling weird? You say you don't want this but you also say that you "hope she enjoys sex and comes back with same love to you". Is it possible that you are gay? And if so do you also want to join in with these other men?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Or because we’re “insecure and jealous.” No, I believe that if he feels that being faithful to me is too big a “sacrifice,” he doesn’t understand what he has and is therefore not the right person for me. I feel I deserve to be valued. That’s kinda the opposite of “insecure.”


Yep. A secure person knows that don't have to share their husband or wife with anyone else. That they are worth being faithful to.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> If it's so solid and strong there would be no need to comit adultery.


exactly !!


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

manfromlamancha said:


> So she hasn't slept with any of these guys? Just danced while feeling weird? You say you don't want this but you also say that you "hope she enjoys sex and comes back with same love to you". Is it possible that you are gay? And if so do you also want to join in with these other men?


It's actually not all that uncommon for straight men to have these kind of fantasies or engage in this kind of kink. And there are all kinds of reasons behind it. Plenty of men also enjoy and seek out MMF threesomes. They never sexually interact directly with the other man, but find the event itself overall stimulating and exciting. 

A problem with a lot of these activities, is that there are people naturally repelled by them, as there are people naturally attracted to them. But for some reason many of those who are repelled, can't seem to grasp that not everyone feels the way they do. Problems always arise when people can't comprehend that others feel differently, but for some reason also feel that the others must be wrong since they do feel differently. Thankfully we have some good people here (nudges @BigDaddyNY) who can put out that something is wrong for them, but it's alright that others do so. Then we have all of those (who shall remain nameless. You know who you are) that insist that the others MUST be wrong and need to change, even if the others are not having problems.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Yep. A secure person knows that don't have to share their husband or wife with anyone else. That they are worth being faithful to.


You are correct. A secure person knows that don't _have_ to share their spouse. A secure person knows also that they _can _and the spouse still remains faithful. Just because it doesn't fit _your _definition of faithful, well, too bad. You don't control what other people call faithful for their own relationships. And yes, it's adultery, but again, just because you consider adultery a negative, that doesn't mean you get to force that idea onto other people's relationship.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

maquiscat said:


> It's actually not all that uncommon for straight men to have these kind of fantasies or engage in this kind of kink. And there are all kinds of reasons behind it. Plenty of men also enjoy and seek out MMF threesomes. They never sexually interact directly with the other man, but find the event itself overall stimulating and exciting.
> 
> A problem with a lot of these activities, is that there are people naturally repelled by them, as there are people naturally attracted to them. But for some reason many of those who are repelled, can't seem to grasp that not everyone feels the way they do. Problems always arise when people can't comprehend that others feel differently, but for some reason also feel that the others must be wrong since they do feel differently. Thankfully we have some good people here (nudges @BigDaddyNY) who can put out that something is wrong for them, but it's alright that others do so. Then we have all of those (who shall remain nameless. You know who you are) that insist that the others MUST be wrong and need to change, even if the others are not having problems.


Yep, I don't like it or think it is a good lifestyle, but that is my choice. I will also try to discourage others from it and encourage them to really consider what they are embarking on. However, if you have two (or more) people that are wired this way, they find each other and choose to do this, that is there choice. I do struggle with the line between tolerating it and accepting it though. I don't know if I have it in me to ever fully accept it, but I will tolerate it so long as it doesn't infringe on mine and my family's rights. No one should be mistreated for making this choice for themselves. However, this is a very divisive topic, so it isn't surprising that you get some condescension from both sides.

I think those repelled far outnumber those attracted to this lifestyle. Which probably contributes to the lack of acceptance. It really isn't "normal" behavior as they know it, so is it any surprise many people react negatively to it?

The OP is yet another of many, many examples where some form of open marriage comes up and there is near zero consideration of all the pitfalls. This case is really bad since the wife really didn't give her husband a choice. Sure she was nice enough say it would be open for both of them, but we all know that will not have the same results for both of them. @Married but Happy has mentioned that one of their open marriage rules is that they work together to make sure extramarital encounters remain equal. That ain't happening here. The wife just wants the freedom to do whatever she wants with the only rule being she comes home and still loves her husband. Boy, what a deal, lol. I kind of hate to bring "body count" up again, but it can't be ignored in this case. The fact that she had 3 sexual partners that years later turned out to be 13+ sexual partners between age 15 and 19 really makes you scratch your head about the idea that body count does matter. She also had an abortion during that time because she didn't use birth control while being promiscuous. Does someone that free with giving away their sexual self ever really lose that character trait?

I will always be clear that I will never willingly share my wife with another person. Giving away sexual intimacy gives away the one thing that is exclusive to me and her. I just can't fathom how a man can be okay with another many penetrating and being inside their wife's body. It is absolutely the most personal physical connection you can have with someone and I don't see how you can be okay with that connection existing between your spouse and another person. I just can't do it. And likewise, I will never share myself with another person. I am my wife's person and only hers. I'm also very proud that she is my one and only sexual partner.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

first off, I do not believe this scenario is authentic. 

But If this is for real, I do not see this situation as an actual mutually negotiated and consensual open relationship but rather as her simply declaring that she is going to do whatever and whoever she wants and he can take it or leave it.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what he says or does, she has declared her sexual independence and his input is irrelevant. she probably thinks it's great that he's going along with it, but it wouldn't slow her down or interfer with her activities if he were to say no. She has essentially emancipated herself sexually from him and it doesn't matter what he says or does. 

She has emotionally and sexually divorced him and living her own sexual life, she is just keeping him around for the moment to help with the kids, housework and bills until she has had her fill of sexy fun and eventually finds someone else she wants to take up shop with full time at which point she will ask Caifan to haul her stuff to her new man's house.

This is not a mutually agreed upon lifestyle choice and marital dynamic. It's just some gal that's had enough of putting up the facade of the traditional, dutiful wife and mother and she has unilaterally declared her sexual emancipation.

If he is for real (which I seriously question) he is either to dumb or naive to see what's going on, or he has a serious case of denial going at the moment.

Assuming this situation is for real, IMHO this is not an actual open relationship dynamic in regards to an actual mutually consensual lifestyle choice and discussions of the merits and problems of open marriage are not really relevant here.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> first off, I do not believe this scenario is authentic.
> 
> But If this is for real, I do not see this situation as an actual mutually negotiated and consensual open relationship but rather as her simply declaring that she is going to do whatever and whoever she wants and he can take it or leave it.
> 
> ...


I suspect that in many such 'agreements' of an open marriage, it's far more one sided than equally agreed.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> You are correct. A secure person knows that don't _have_ to share their spouse. A secure person knows also that they _can _and the spouse still remains faithful. Just because it doesn't fit _your _definition of faithful, well, too bad. You don't control what other people call faithful for their own relationships. And yes, it's adultery, but again, just because you consider adultery a negative, that doesn't mean you get to force that idea onto other people's relationship.


Its not my definition of faithful but God's. Adultery is always a bad idea, even if it's 'mutually agreed'. 
It will always eventually end in tears one way or another.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I suspect that in many such 'agreements' of an open marriage, it's far more one sided than equally agreed.


And again, why get married if you don't want to be married? Just be single. I guess for tax purposes? I don't understand it. But to each their own I suppose. It doesn't have to make sense to ME, as long as it makes sense to the people involved. I just wish they'd stop evangelizing it and looking down their noses at all of us "losers" who choose not to participate in that.🤷‍♀️


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I suspect that in many such 'agreements' of an open marriage, it's far more one sided than equally agreed.


There is probably a lot of truth to that. 

I suspect that quite a few of what gets discussed here as "open relationship" is actually someone unilaterally declaring their own sexual emancipation and the other party is doing mental gymnastics to find a way to live with it. 

Whether one agrees with concept of open relationship or not, a true open relationship involves a lot of work, a lot of open, deep communication and a lot of mutual respect and compassion. 

And that is not a one-time discussion; it is an on-going process that continues indefinitely.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> And that is not a one-time discussion; it is an on-going process that continues indefinitely.


And I just need to add that the same principle applies to monogamy as well. 

With lifespans of 80 years, there really is no one-and-done discussion on anything.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> With lifespans of 80 years, there really is no one-and-done discussion on anything.


It's only been 17 years, but we really just had the one discussion where we determined infidelity was a deal-breaker for both of us. That was pretty much it, we talked about it when one of my friends had an affair ("I'd leave if you did what she did," "Yeah, same, and honestly if you didn't leave I wouldn't respect you any more,") and when we discovered a couple we're close friends with are swingers ("Now I understand why when he gets really drunk our friends keep him away from you." "Yeah, and it explains that time she was sitting so close to you... remember that?" "Oh my GOD that was so uncomfortable.")

So yeah, really nothing has changed. We didn't get married so we could be single, we got married to be married.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It's only been 17 years, but we really just had the one discussion where we determined infidelity was a deal-breaker for both of us. That was pretty much it, we talked about it when one of my friends had an affair ("I'd leave if you did what she did," "Yeah, same, and honestly if you didn't leave I wouldn't respect you any more,") and when we discovered a couple we're close friends with are swingers ("Now I understand why when he gets really drunk our friends keep him away from you." "Yeah, and it explains that time she was sitting so close to you... remember that?" "Oh my GOD that was so uncomfortable.")
> 
> So yeah, really nothing has changed. We didn't get married so we could be single, we got married to be married.


I was talking in the big picture. Even if one's views on a particular topic do not change, there will be times during the course of an 80 year lifespan where that position will need to be reaffirmed.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Yep, I don't like it or think it is a good lifestyle, but that is my choice. I will also try to discourage others from it and encourage them to really consider what they are embarking on. However, if you have two (or more) people that are wired this way, they find each other and choose to do this, that is there choice. I do struggle with the line between tolerating it and accepting it though. I don't know if I have it in me to ever fully accept it, but I will tolerate it so long as it doesn't infringe on mine and my family's rights. No one should be mistreated for making this choice for themselves. However, this is a very divisive topic, so it isn't surprising that you get some condescension from both sides.
> 
> I think those repelled far outnumber those attracted to this lifestyle. Which probably contributes to the lack of acceptance. It really isn't "normal" behavior as they know it, so is it any surprise many people react negatively to it?
> 
> ...



100%. I couldn't have said it any better. Your last paragraph was perfect. The rest was spot on


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I suspect that in many such 'agreements' of an open marriage, it's far more one sided than equally agreed.


agreed


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It's only been 17 years, but we really just had the one discussion where we determined infidelity was a deal-breaker for both of us. That was pretty much it, we talked about it when one of my friends had an affair ("I'd leave if you did what she did," "Yeah, same, and honestly if you didn't leave I wouldn't respect you any more,") and when we discovered a couple we're close friends with are swingers ("Now I understand why when he gets really drunk our friends keep him away from you." "Yeah, and it explains that time she was sitting so close to you... remember that?" "Oh my GOD that was so uncomfortable.")
> 
> So yeah, really nothing has changed. We didn't get married so we could be single, we got married to be married.


amen


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

TexasMom1216 said:


> And again, why get married if you don't want to be married? Just be single. I guess for tax purposes? I don't understand it. But to each their own I suppose. It doesn't have to make sense to ME, as long as it makes sense to the people involved. I just wish they'd stop evangelizing it and looking down their noses at all of us "losers" who choose not to participate in that.🤷‍♀️


I agree. I also don't like how many of them hide it until you are vulnerable and then spring it on you at a convenient time. I had a few try that to me when we were at a low spot in our marriage and trying to divide me and my wife just so they could move in on both of us. It's why I cut ties with them all. It's almost predatory among all of them. Sure, I have my Libertarian streak to an extent but keep that crap out of my life.

You hit the nail on the head


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

wmn1 said:


> I agree. I also don't like how many of them hide it until you are vulnerable and then spring it on you at a convenient time. I had a few try that to me when we were at a low spot in our marriage and trying to divide me and my wife just so they could move in on both of us. It's why I cut ties with them all. It's almost predatory among all of them. Sure, I have my Libertarian streak to an extent but keep that crap out of my life.
> 
> You hit the nail on the head


I will say, I know a couple personally who are swingers/swappers/open marriage. They don't know we know about them. They have never pushed it on us; a couple of times when they were really drunk she made a pass at my husband and he was a little over-handsy with me, but it was always shut down immediately (our friends pulled him away from me, I didn't know until later why, I honestly just thought he was being silly). 

Adults can do what they want, but choosing to NOT go outside your marriage for sex doesn't make you "insecure" or "immature" or whatever they say. I don't tell other adults how to have sex. I dislike it a lot when I'm told I'm hurting my husband by not telling him he can cheat on me any time he wants.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

maquiscat said:


> It's actually not all that uncommon for straight men to have these kind of fantasies or engage in this kind of kink. And there are all kinds of reasons behind it. Plenty of men also enjoy and seek out MMF threesomes. They never sexually interact directly with the other man, but find the event itself overall stimulating and exciting.
> 
> A problem with a lot of these activities, is that there are people naturally repelled by them, as there are people naturally attracted to them. But for some reason many of those who are repelled, can't seem to grasp that not everyone feels the way they do. Problems always arise when people can't comprehend that others feel differently, but for some reason also feel that the others must be wrong since they do feel differently. Thankfully we have some good people here (nudges @BigDaddyNY) who can put out that something is wrong for them, but it's alright that others do so. Then we have all of those (who shall remain nameless. You know who you are) that insist that the others MUST be wrong and need to change, even if the others are not having problems.


As a guy, I always thought a threesome would have been fun to at least experience once. While a FMF would be perfect, a MFM would have been fun too. I think its just the fantasy of the extra person being involved even if there was no contact with them.

I do like watching amateur threesome porn and it always appears the parties are enjoying it.

I could never make it happen when I was single unfortunately so it remains just a fantasy.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

wmn1 said:


> I agree. I also don't like how many of them hide it until you are vulnerable and then spring it on you at a convenient time. I had a few try that to me when we were at a low spot in our marriage and trying to divide me and my wife just so they could move in on both of us. It's why I cut ties with them all. It's almost predatory among all of them. Sure, I have my Libertarian streak to an extent but keep that crap out of my life.
> 
> You hit the nail on the head


Any libertarianism about you would simply be about you supporting their right and ability to legally be able to do whatever, and not an automatic wanting to be doing it your self. You can even disagree with it overall, but still be willing to defend another's right to do it, similar to how some people are anti-abortion personally, but still pro-choice politically/legally. And no let's not delve into that debate here, it's just an example. And I fully agree with any predatory actions within such lifestyles. If anyone ever claims that any version of ENM, or BDSM or LBGT or whatever doesn't have predators within, is naïve or a liar. Hell, even the various Christian groups can't keep predators out. Neither can the geeks. Or sports fans. There isn't a group/community out there that doesn't have predators among them. The thing to keep in mind is to not judge the group/community by the predators.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Adults can do what they want, *but choosing to NOT go outside your marriage for sex doesn't make you "insecure" or "immature" or whatever they say.* I don't tell other adults how to have sex. I dislike it a lot when I'm told I'm hurting my husband by not telling him he can cheat on me any time he wants.


Don't ever let me hear someone trying to say that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with monogamy, and I have had to browbeat idiot newbies who want to push that idea. Choosing to follow our own ideal of marriage should never be disparaged, as long as all within the marriage are in agreement. Most people within the ENM community don't feel that monogamy in and of itself is insecure or immature. Monogamous people who feel that they have to disparage those who practice ENM, however, are. The vast majority of monogamous people do not feel any need to tell us we are wrong or berate us or anything like that. Most are like, not for me but you do you.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Any libertarianism about you would simply be about you supporting their right and ability to legally be able to do whatever, and not an automatic wanting to be doing it your self. You can even disagree with it overall, but still be willing to defend another's right to do it, similar to how some people are anti-abortion personally, but still pro-choice politically/legally. And no let's not delve into that debate here, it's just an example. And I fully agree with any predatory actions within such lifestyles. If anyone ever claims that any version of ENM, or BDSM or LBGT or whatever doesn't have predators within, is naïve or a liar. Hell, even the various Christian groups can't keep predators out. Neither can the geeks. Or sports fans. There isn't a group/community out there that doesn't have predators among them. The thing to keep in mind is to not judge the group/community by the predators.





maquiscat said:


> Any libertarianism about you would simply be about you supporting their right and ability to legally be able to do whatever, and not an automatic wanting to be doing it your self. You can even disagree with it overall, but still be willing to defend another's right to do it, similar to how some people are anti-abortion personally, but still pro-choice politically/legally. And no let's not delve into that debate here, it's just an example. And I fully agree with any predatory actions within such lifestyles. If anyone ever claims that any version of ENM, or BDSM or LBGT or whatever doesn't have predators within, is naïve or a liar. Hell, even the various Christian groups can't keep predators out. Neither can the geeks. Or sports fans. There isn't a group/community out there that doesn't have predators among them. The thing to keep in mind is to not judge the group/community by the predators.


I agree that predators are everywhere. I can't have these people in my life. I can't risk their exploiting my or my wife's vulnerability to get into my wife's pants. Already happened 3 times where they tried and failed because of her loyalty to me. I don't want to be a victim on CWI. Whatever. No OM people in my life. But I do judge Open Marriage people. I do. It's not going away but I can't stop them, I can only expose them and keep them out of my life. 

So let's quit here


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## Uniqueusername (Dec 24, 2021)

There are plenty if successful relationships like this. It's probably more common than you think. However, if you are in hell when she's out, it's not working for you. 

The idea is hot to you but when it actually happens it's not. It's going too fast. You need to tell her to dial it back a little. If she truly loves you she'll slow it down. Maybe you could start with she can kiss other men and anything above the waist is okay, or mutual masterbation with another dude but no P and V contact. Mybe you guys can go to a swingers party together with preset boundaries (no sex, just watching), then no sex just kissing, etc. You seem very willing to help her explore, which is great, but it won't work of you don't tell her your reservations and she doesn't respect them.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

maquiscat said:


> You are correct. A secure person knows that don't _have_ to share their spouse. A secure person knows also that they _can _and the spouse still remains faithful. Just because it doesn't fit _your _definition of faithful, well, too bad. You don't control what other people call faithful for their own relationships. And yes, it's adultery, but again, just because you consider adultery a negative, that doesn't mean you get to force that idea onto other people's relationship.


I also consider bullying, cheating, lying, deceiving etc a negative and I am afraid that I disagree - I do get to force that idea onto other people's relationships. The problem here is it is difficult to clearly understand what the OP wants or even in fact, what he is saying. If he says he wants a cuckold situation then yes that is a kink (is generally not the healthiest for long term marriages but on the other hand what is) and so be it. But this is not what he is saying.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

manfromlamancha said:


> I also consider bullying, cheating, lying, deceiving etc a negative and I am afraid that I disagree - *I do get to force that idea onto other people's relationships*. The problem here is it is difficult to clearly understand what the OP wants or even in fact, what he is saying. If he says he wants a cuckold situation then yes that is a kink (is generally not the healthiest for long term marriages but on the other hand what is) and so be it. But this is not what he is saying.


So then by this, others get to impose their idea of what is a negative onto any aspect of your marriage that you feel is a positive, correct?


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

Caifan said:


> hello i been together with my wife for 19 years we got married around 20 right now we are in our 41 year old age ,my wife and my self have always been a good couple we do have 4 kids everyone is almost 18 and up. we go to vacations every year we feel the bond i feel her love , she has had a past thats what i get for asking ,she first told me that she was sexually active from age 15 to the when i met her ..she first said only 3 dudes ,it turns out years alter she mention to me _13_ dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods .at first it bother me like hell knowing honestly i do not know if am crazy ..but i start asking more and more to the point of details my anger became like a fantasy little little over time i even ask her to call me by there names ,crazy i know guys but it honestly turns me on. i cant explain i never been this way ..she tells me the full details poundings size everything.
> 
> when i found out about all of that i start changing our sex life even bought toys .our sex has been amazing orgasm like 3-4 times per everytime she fully satisfied me! and she seems to like our sex life ..so i have never ever in my life research the word mid life crisis i did not even knew that thing existed ,. its been a few months that out the blue she tells me i feel very horny like a change in me . shes like im going to destroy you every night like and urge ., but then my wife started getting more concern about her appearance she wants to loose more weight even hates her belly shes 168 lbs wants to be 150 at least . i cheer her up i honestly tought she was getting her self stem up..i encourage her . then every friday saturday she wanted to do things that we have not done in years she wants to go out and dance .
> 
> ...


NO NO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN, HYPERGAMY AND MONKEY JUMPING IS COMMING SOON.
BOTH GET THERAPY, YOU ARE NOT GIVING WHAT SHE WANTS AND AFRAID TO STATE NEEDS. TRY FIX HER NEED. IF SHE PERDISTS OR CATCH HER CHEATING DIVORCE IMMEDIATELY.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

*My take on the topic of open marriages.*


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I give your marriage 6 months. If not less.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Caifan said:


> honestly THE SEX WITH HER LOST THE LOVE I FEEL SO DIFERENT AND I GET MOMENTS OF ANXIETY ,,GOING INSANE



Congrats, this is all your doing.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Her having sex with someone new will be like a drug she can’t get enough of. It will be exciting and new, fireworks will fly. It will be ten times better then being with you. There won’t be any baggage from a relationship. 

I give your marriage 3 months after she starts being other mens toy. 

You know she is going to get laid a 100 times to you getting it once.

Well. Have fun with the divorce.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Just say no to ho. It's that simple dude.

Quit being a passive, limp wristed impersonation of a man and show your wife you have a backbone and your testicles aren't actually in her purse.

She's your woman. Start acting like it.😡


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I don't get the problem. If your spouse wants an open marriage and you don't then say no. If they won't be faithful then end the marriage.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

maquiscat said:


> So then by this, others get to impose their idea of what is a negative onto any aspect of your marriage that you feel is a positive, correct?


No what I am saying is that in this case I do because it is NOT what the OP wants and anyone telling him that its ok is not listening to what he is saying. To be fair I am not entirely sure what he wants.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

manfromlamancha said:


> No what I am saying is that in this case I do because it is NOT what the OP wants and anyone telling him that its ok is not listening to what he is saying. *To be fair I am not entirely sure what he wants.*


I think that might be all of us here. He is at a cross roads and he is going to have to decide what it is he really wants, and also what he does not want. This includes those things that he might not want, but also doesn't not want. That middle ground can sometimes be the compromise area. There is also the difference between making the point that something is ok in and of itself, but might not be ok for him.

But you have strayed a bit from my point. Diane is constantly telling me that what I do is unfaithful. I entered into poly eyes open and knowing what I was doing. She doesn't get to impose _her _idea of unfaithful onto _my _marriage. In the case of the OP, until he has decided whether going open constitutes unfaithful or not, neither of us gets to impose upon him that status one way or the other.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> I think that might be all of us here. He is at a cross roads and he is going to have to decide what it is he really wants, and also what he does not want. This includes those things that he might not want, but also doesn't not want. That middle ground can sometimes be the compromise area. There is also the difference between making the point that something is ok in and of itself, but might not be ok for him.
> 
> But you have strayed a bit from my point. Diane is constantly telling me that what I do is unfaithful. I entered into poly eyes open and knowing what I was doing. She doesn't get to impose _her _idea of unfaithful onto _my _marriage. In the case of the OP, until he has decided whether going open constitutes unfaithful or not, neither of us gets to impose upon him that status one way or the other.


As I said before it's not my idea of what faithfulness is, it's what God says. Of course most people don't care what He says, and you probably don't either, so you and they will make their own rules.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

dadstartingover said:


> *My take on the topic of open marriages.*


That about nails it. The following pretty much tells the story.

_*“I would like to go out and test the waters to see what else is out there… but I don’t want to blow up this comfortable marriage we have going on here. At least, not until I know I have a for sure thing lined up. Cool?”*

_I am a boomer. And your assessment of my generation rejecting all of the norms is right on the money. I think for whatever reason, my wife and I actually lived a life more akin to our parents. We never either participated in the "free love" thing, never participated in protests about everything, never did drugs. More importantly, my wife was never into the radical feminist thing. We don't think we missed anything worthwhile, especially as we approach the last roundup together.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> As I said before it's not my idea of what faithfulness is, it's what God says. Of course most people don't care what He says, and you probably don't either, so you and they will make their own rules.


And get their own results


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> first off, I do not believe this scenario is authentic.
> 
> But If this is for real, I do not see this situation as an actual mutually negotiated and consensual open relationship but rather as her simply declaring that she is going to do whatever and whoever she wants and he can take it or leave it.
> 
> ...





dadstartingover said:


> *My take on the topic of open marriages.*


This is kind of funny, but I made the above post the other morning and later that day I heard our own @dadstartingover poscast discussing the topic of open marriage and I think he sums situations such as this up well. 

A lot of what we see here on TAM are not actual mutually agreed upon lifestyle choices that were thoroughly discussed in an open, heartfelt manner where two people come to a mutually enthusiastic agreement on their marital dynamics.

Rather much of what ends up on these pages is where one is basically unilaterally declaring their own sexual emancipation from any previously expressed or inferred agreement of monogamy. 

In situations such as this thread, the question that must be asked is what will the W do if the OP says no and explicitly states he wants the marriage to remain monogamous? 

Will she do it anyway? Will she cheat? Will she browbeat him until he capitulates? Will she pack her bags and leave? Will she be bitter and resentful and hold scorn and discontent towards him going forward?

If the answer to any of those is yes, then it’s not really an actual legit open relationship as a freely made mutually consenting relationship dynamic,, but rather one party declaring their sexual independence and voiding any assumption of sexual exclusivity.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> the answer to any of those is yes, then it’s not really an actual legit open relationship as a freely made mutually consenting relationship dynamic,, but rather one party declaring their sexual independence and voiding any assumption of sexual exclusivity.


At least to me, it is obvious from the thread title that this is OP situation.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> At least to me, it is obvious from the thread title that this is OP situation.


It’s hard to tell what this OP’s deal is. 

I question the authenticity of the thread to begin with but it does raise the questions above. 

If this thread is for real, either English is his 2nd language or his 7th grade English teacher would be very disappointed in him.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> As I said before it's not my idea of what faithfulness is, it's what God says. Of course most people don't care what He says, and you probably don't either, so you and they will make their own rules.


Perhaps you should humble yourself sister, lest you are blasphemous. You do not own God nor do you get to use God as a convenient sword for your online interactions.
Matthew 7:1-3








Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 7:1-3 - King James Version


Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?




www.biblegateway.com


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> As I said before it's not my idea of what faithfulness is, it's what God says. Of course most people don't care what He says, and you probably don't either, so you and they will make their own rules.


Goddess says differently. Of course most people don't care what She says, and you probably don't either, so you and they will make their own rules.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

ok guys update here it goes ..shes more calm but listen to this! she told me what you think am juts going to have one nightstands ? i cant i have to meet guys and see what happens HERE IS MY SITUTATION,, am all ready thinking that the little control i have in her will be Gone once she starts hanging out with another DUDE i cant smell it in the air ..he can even with time say you know what DUMP HIS ASS...??? cause i know if i mess around i come back ? but women are very different ..any more ideas guys ?? for the moment i put gps on her ass in my truck any lies i will not let her in my house ..I WILL GO IN THE CLUBS SPYING I KNOW AM BEEN STRONG AND STUPID I DONT KNOW FOR HOW LONG I CANT DO THIS GUYS ... NO ONE IN MY FAMLLY KNOWS WHAT SHOULD I DO


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> some guys want to encourage their wives to act this way.
> she is 41 years old, so her biological clock is ticking. In fact it might be a hormonal thing related to menopause that has her so horny RIGHT NOW, and wanting to find other men.
> 
> you have been warned about the potential dangers of agreeing with her plan. so, let all that sink in, and judge if you are willing to take those risks for the sake of her, and possibly your, kinky satisfaction. The risk is that within the next five years, you get divorced. it seems like at least half, maybe 2/3 of cuckold marriages end up that way. And how do you explain it to your children when they find out?
> ...


END UP CAUSE THEY FALL IN LOVE ?


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

ABHale said:


> I give your marriage 6 months. If not less.


WHY PLEASE??


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> Goddess says differently. Of course most people don't care what She says, and you probably don't either, so you and they will make their own rules.


No of course I am not interested in what false gods say. Only what my Dad says. He warns us not to commit adultery for our own good.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

harperlee said:


> Perhaps you should humble yourself sister, lest you are blasphemous. You do not own God nor do you get to use God as a convenient sword for your online interactions.
> Matthew 7:1-3
> 
> 
> ...


I am not going to stop standing up for Him and what He teaches. Adultery is a very serious thing. He warns us not to take part in it. I cant only warn people of the consequences.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Caifan said:


> WHY PLEASE??


Because you are acting a little puppy giving into all of her wants. You are to afraid of losing her you won’t even stand up for yourself. It is very unattractive in any man.

I can be a little more plan with what I said.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Caifan said:


> WHY PLEASE??


My concern is that if we have to explain why, you may not get it anyway.

Perhaps we should start with you explaining to us why you think this is a good idea and why you think your marriage will last.

Why don’t you think think this is a bad idea?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Caifan said:


> ok guys update here it goes ..shes more calm but listen to this! she told me what you think am juts going to have one nightstands ? i cant i have to meet guys and see what happens HERE IS MY SITUTATION,, am all ready thinking that the little control i have in her will be Gone once she starts hanging out with another DUDE i cant smell it in the air ..he can even with time say you know what DUMP HIS ASS...??? cause i know if i mess around i come back ? but women are very different ..any more ideas guys ?? for the moment i put gps on her ass in my truck any lies i will not let her in my house ..I WILL GO IN THE CLUBS SPYING I KNOW AM BEEN STRONG AND STUPID I DONT KNOW FOR HOW LONG I CANT DO THIS GUYS ... NO ONE IN MY FAMLLY KNOWS WHAT SHOULD I DO


Once she attaches to someone else, your wife is gone. We told you this already. It’s just a matter of waiting for it.

Even if she said one night stands only, she will find one of those one night stands that makes her toes tingle and she’ll be gone.

You told her to do this, so deal with it.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Caifan said:


> hello i been together with my wife for 19 years we got married around 20 right now we are in our 41 year old age ,my wife and my self have always been a good couple we do have 4 kids everyone is almost 18 and up. we go to vacations every year we feel the bond i feel her love , she has had a past thats what i get for asking ,she first told me that she was sexually active from age 15 to the when i met her ..she first said only 3 dudes ,it turns out years alter she mention to me _13_ dudes and 1 abortion she never used control methods .at first it bother me like hell knowing honestly i do not know if am crazy ..but i start asking more and more to the point of details my anger became like a fantasy little little over time i even ask her to call me by there names ,crazy i know guys but it honestly turns me on. i cant explain i never been this way ..she tells me the full details poundings size everything.
> 
> when i found out about all of that i start changing our sex life even bought toys .our sex has been amazing orgasm like 3-4 times per everytime she fully satisfied me! and she seems to like our sex life ..so i have never ever in my life research the word mid life crisis i did not even knew that thing existed ,. its been a few months that out the blue she tells me i feel very horny like a change in me . shes like im going to destroy you every night like and urge ., but then my wife started getting more concern about her appearance she wants to loose more weight even hates her belly shes 168 lbs wants to be 150 at least . i cheer her up i honestly tought she was getting her self stem up..i encourage her . then every friday saturday she wanted to do things that we have not done in years she wants to go out and dance .
> 
> ...


Sounds like you haven't been driving. Time for a disability.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> No of course I am not interested in what false gods say. Only what my Dad says. He warns us not to commit adultery for our own good.


Clearly, everyone stands up for their own false gods. And they're ALL false IME, since there is absolutely no proof of existence for any of them. I just believe in one less god than you do.

Anyway, OP, IMO you are on the road to heartbreak and divorce. This is not in any way a reasonable or healthy way to approach an open relationship. I've been in one for 22 years, and we have clear rules, boundaries, and standards of fairness, etc., and we always review all of this whenever we find someone new we want to get involved with. Finally, we each have veto power if something seems off about the person or situation.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Caifan said:


> WHY PLEASE??


Because she told you she doesn't just want ONS, she wants to meet other men and do whatever with whoever however. When she finds your replacement then that is it. How long do you think that will last. I guess if you are ok with her ignoring you, doing whichever men she wants she is probably ok with you continuing to pay the bills. So she won't file for divorce necessarily. If you have any pride at all, you will divorce her before 6 months are up. In that length of time she can easily do 30 men serially or more if she takes them on in multiples. She will have all the attention she wants.

If you live in a smaller town, ( less than 100,000 people ), all of the interested men will be all over her, she will be the town bicycle. Maybe be taking them on in your bedroom while you are at work. Everyone in town will know.

So, your choice is to divorce her now or in 6 months. She has already left you. She has already told you she is going to screw other men she just needs to decide which ones, she didn't ask your permission. Believe her.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Just google this and read the articles.

I left my husband while in an open marriage.

If this doesn’t open your eyes, nothing will.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Rus47 said:


> She has already left you. She has already told you she is going to screw other men she just needs to decide which ones, she didn't ask your permission. Believe her.



This above is telling it as frank as possible.

She has already declared herself as a sexually available woman and that the sexually exclusive component of your marriage is over. 

She simply wants to stay in the house with you helping with rent and bills until she finds a dude that sticks and then she’ll be gone in a weekend. 

She simply wants to bang other dudes while you foot the bills and don’t yell at her for cheating. So instead of just banging dudes on the down low, she gift wraps it in the verbiage of opens marriage to make is seem shiny and exciting. 

She dangles the carrot of saying you can get with other chicks,, but she knows that you won’t and she knows that even if you wanted to, you won’t actually be able to. 

If you are just a regular married guy, you won’t actually be able to get with any chicks because chicks don’t sign up to be married guy’s side chick. 

Unless you are extraordinarily good looking or a pro athlete or celebrity or are already a bit of a snake-in-the-grass or lady’s man, you simply aren’t going to be able to actually get anyone.

She on the other hand will have guys lined up down the street waiting their turn because guys are perfectly happy to a married woman’s fck boi. Many men would prefer to be a married woman’s stud rather than date single women conventionally. 

You’re being played and you don’t even realize it. The clock is ticking down.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

@Caifan, let’s say your sister came to you for advice and told you her husband wanted from her exactly what your wife is doing to you. What would you say?

Take a step back, look at your situation objectively, and imagine the advice you’d give someone you love if they were in your spot. Then treat yourself like you’d treat someone you love.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

harperlee said:


> Perhaps you should humble yourself sister, lest you are blasphemous. You do not own God nor do you get to use God as a convenient sword for your online interactions.
> Matthew 7:1-3
> 
> 
> ...


While I definitely don't always agree with her, you really don't want to try wielding the sword this way.

You would be totally botching it because she isn't judging someone for something she is also doing.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> I am not going to stop standing up for Him and what He teaches. Adultery is a very serious thing. He warns us not to take part in it. I cant only warn people of the consequences.


The OP is obviously not Christian so our rules don't apply but harper did botch the use of that scripture.


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## WhatNextDad (May 8, 2018)

I will tell you my story because I can relate. It feels crazy when I tell this and I am still dealing with the consequences to this day.

I have been married 15 years and I have 2 kids aged 8 and 12. We are both attracted to each other and we always had good sex and so the physical aspect was good. A few years ago my wife and I went to a marriage counselor. My wife was feeling trapped in the marriage because I have Asperger's and she believes that I am not capable of fulfilling her emotional needs and she was threatening divorce. She and the psychologist suggested that we try an open marriage. 

I thought "I don't really like this but it is an experiment. I can either get a divorce or try it and if I don't like it then get a divorce". I posted on this site (see this post). Most of the people advised me to divorce her. Maybe I should have but 3 years later I am still married but I am still not sure it was the right thing to do.

First we both tried dating on a well known website. She did not find anyone she liked and said she respected me more after that. Next she became a mistress to someone she met at work and they dated for about a year. Then she went on a dating spree where she was gone up to 5 nights a week while I watched the kids. Then she found a boyfriend that she appeared to be in love with. 

I found myself watching kids alone 4 nights a week while she was out partying. Our relationship seemed good because she was being nice and having sex with me but I felt neglected. Sometimes I lay in bed past midnight very anxious about what she was doing with her boyfriend and when she would come home. It started causing anxiety until I threatened her with divorce.

First we must recognize that there are some people who have successful open marriages. The key is understanding what makes an open marriage work. There are 3 important parts: 

1) Don't use it as a band-aid. If you have existing problems in your marriage this will not fix those problems. It may only cover them up temporarily. I think in a functional open marriage both people need to prioritize their own relationship ahead of the others. If you don't have that then you will question why you are married.

2) Both people need to feel comfortable with it and it should not be something that one person is doing for the other as a compromise. Very often it works well for one person and the other ends up feeling resentful, anxious, or jealous. 

3) Make sure you lay out the rules carefully and that both people trust each other to stick to the rules. In an open marriage trust is perhaps even more important than in a regular marriage. Think about what you will be ok with her doing before you feel uncomfortable.

There are some things you need to consider as a man agreeing to this:

1) Your wife is in a very different dating world then you are. Men are more likely to be ok with dating a woman with no strings attached than vice versa. Most women, however, are looking for long term monogamous relationships. This means she may have an easier time finding partners then you. 

2) How are you going to feel when she is out late with her dates and you are home waiting for her. When your wife is having sex with other men it can mess with your mind and you need to be prepared for it. 

3) It would seem that in most open marriages the wife is bisexual and her reason for wanting it is so she can date other women. If your wife is looking for men then your situation is less common. Most of the polyamorous women out there you will meet will probably be bisexual. 

I think the reason for a lot of this is biological. For most of human history women have stayed with men because they were unable to survive on their own and needed security. Men, however, were capable of self sufficiency. Men stayed in relationships because they enjoyed the connection and intimacy that women offered. The deal was that if she agreed to not have sex with other men then he would offer her security. 

Today's society turns thousands (or millions) of years of evolutionary experience upside down. People today question if it is reasonable that one person should be expected to meet all the needs of their spouse. Divorce rates are very high, people are lonely, and many women raise kids on their own. If open marriages can help people stay happily married then it could be a win for them and their kids.

I am not saying I have the answers but I have trouble accepting when my wife is out with her boyfriend. I sometimes ask "if she is in love with him then why are we married?" Keep in mind the biological motivations I mentioned previously. When I threatened divorce, my wife went into survival mode and to my surprise she was willing to make some changes so that we could stay married. 

My point is that the biological contract between men and women is still very powerful. If you are offering her stability then you can play the card where you expect her to be more loyal. Don't do this unless you are really ready to leave the marriage. 

Understand that leaving the marriage is not such a bad thing because when you are living independently it opens up the possibilities for you for date many more women then you could if you are still living with her because most women don't want to date married men. You could potentially find someone who wants to spend time with you instead of needing to date other people. 

When I started with an open marriage it was an experiment and I am still learning and figuring out if it works for me. My best advice is that you should not get complacent with the situation. If it is not working for you then talk to her and let her know what your boundaries are.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Good grief...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Good grief...


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

WhatNextDad said:


> A few years ago my wife and I went to a marriage counselor. My wife was feeling trapped in the marriage because I have Asperger's and she believes that I am not capable of fulfilling her emotional needs and she was threatening divorce. She and the psychologist suggested that we try an open marriage.
> 
> I thought "I don't really like this but it is an experiment.


To avoid a big threadjack, Perhaps you can post your own thread to explain why the MC suggested an open marriage and more importantly why on earth you thought this would be good idea worth experimenting with.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

WhatNextDad said:


> I will tell you my story because I can relate. It feels crazy when I tell this and I am still dealing with the consequences to this day.
> 
> I have been married 15 years and I have 2 kids aged 8 and 12. We are both attracted to each other and we always had good sex and so the physical aspect was good. A few years ago my wife and I went to a marriage counselor. My wife was feeling trapped in the marriage because I have Asperger's and she believes that I am not capable of fulfilling her emotional needs and she was threatening divorce. She and the psychologist suggested that we try an open marriage.
> 
> ...



Damned, I think that this is one of the reasons why we should pay heed to mother nature's laws: only the fittest should procreate and pass on their genes. The human genetic material is getting muddled by the minute. Pretty soon only spawns will be borne.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Good grief...


How bad is it when the guy that probably has the most tolerance for alternate lifestyles and consensual nonmonogamy on this whole site just sits here rolling his eyes and shaking his head at the state of the world? 

I believe to the core of my being that sane, sober, consenting couples should determine what is best for them as a couple based on their own values, beliefs, mores, temperaments etc etc. 

But that is all based on a presumption of being at least reasonably informed and knowledgeable of the risks vs benefits and having the wherewithal to able and willing to advocate for themselves and stand up for themselves and their own bests interests. 

I have no moral or theological objections to consensual nonmonogamy, yet I sit here in disbelief just shaking my head that in the technologically advanced and most access to information in human history, people can be this gullible, dumb and spineless.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

WhatNextDad said:


> When I started with an open marriage it was an experiment and I am still learning and figuring out if it works for me.


3 years down the road you’ve already decided.
This is not an experiment it’s a way of life.
Welcome to cuckold status.

I would try this experiment for approximately .0000 seconds.
And I would find a woman who respect and loves me enough to honor the ‘contract’ you mention.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Clearly, everyone stands up for their own false gods. And they're ALL false IME, since there is absolutely no proof of existence for any of them. I just believe in one less god than you do.
> 
> Anyway, OP, IMO you are on the road to heartbreak and divorce. This is not in any way a reasonable or healthy way to approach an open relationship. I've been in one for 22 years, and we have clear rules, boundaries, and standards of fairness, etc., and we always review all of this whenever we find someone new we want to get involved with. Finally, we each have veto power if something seems off about the person or situation.


If He was false I wouldn't stand up for Him. Nor would billions of others who have experienced Him in their lives or seen Him work in others lives.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

WhatNextDad said:


> I will tell you my story because I can relate. It feels crazy when I tell this and I am still dealing with the consequences to this day.
> 
> I have been married 15 years and I have 2 kids aged 8 and 12. We are both attracted to each other and we always had good sex and so the physical aspect was good. A few years ago my wife and I went to a marriage counselor. My wife was feeling trapped in the marriage because I have Asperger's and she believes that I am not capable of fulfilling her emotional needs and she was threatening divorce. She and the psychologist suggested that we try an open marriage.
> 
> ...


Please explain to me why you would put up with and accept the appalling way she treats you. I just can't get my head around it.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Caifan said:


> ok guys update here it goes ..shes more calm but listen to this! she told me what you think am juts going to have one nightstands ? i cant i have to meet guys and see what happens HERE IS MY SITUTATION,, am all ready thinking that the little control i have in her will be Gone once she starts hanging out with another DUDE i cant smell it in the air ..he can even with time say you know what DUMP HIS ASS...??? cause i know if i mess around i come back ? but women are very different ..any more ideas guys ?? for the moment i put gps on her ass in my truck any lies i will not let her in my house ..I WILL GO IN THE CLUBS SPYING I KNOW AM BEEN STRONG AND STUPID I DONT KNOW FOR HOW LONG I CANT DO THIS GUYS ... NO ONE IN MY FAMLLY KNOWS WHAT SHOULD I DO


Not sure what you have going on here any more. Before you wrote like you were unsure, but this seemed like a path you would be willing to take. Now you seem to be siding with the doubts. You need to figure out where YOU want to be. Are you good with the open marriage idea? If so then you take risks with it, especially if you are not communicating with your wife. Do you trust her? If you don't trust her with other men, then first why are you even married to her? But more importantly, if you don't trust her, then there is no point in open marriage.

If you are not good with the open marriage idea, then lay down the law. It's monogamy or divorce. Don't bother to waffle. If she is not going to settle for anything other than open, then leave. This idea of staying with someone who is not going to respect your boundaries is stupid. Don't get me wrong. She is not in the wrong for wanting to see about expanding boundaries. This is natural, although not always in this area of life. And it's alright to decide to try something different. But if you really don't want to, then make that clear to her. The worse thing I see all too frequently is where the couple does not communicate and spends more effort in trying to satisfy the spouse instead of being true to themselves. There is a difference between a boundary and something you took as a forgone conclusion. The later usually means you never bothered thinking of where your lines actually were, whereas the former you set the lines. And yes, while your lines can change over your life, that doesn't make them any less valid for where they at, at any given time.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> No of course I am not interested in what false gods say. Only what my Dad says. He warns us not to commit adultery for our own good.


Nor am I. Mom knows best. She says it's not a problem. Going behind back..._that _She says is a problem.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> Nor am I. Mom knows best. She says it's not a problem. Going behind back..._that _She says is a problem.


Oh well that's ok then, as long as your mum is ok with adultery.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ABHale said:


> Just google this and read the articles.
> 
> I left my husband while in an open marriage.
> 
> If this doesn’t open your eyes, nothing will.


That kind of search is only going to bring up anecdotal evidence and is set to skew the results. Whereas looking for articles and studies might provide a more balanced view. Such as from this article in Psychology Today:



> The general consensus—among the lay public and professional marriage counselors alike—seems to be that consensus non-monogamy can only lead to more harm than good in a marriage. *And yet, studies of couples actually engaged in CNM relationships find that these people report being just as happy in their marriages as strictly monogamous couples are—and they're more satisfied sexually.*


Bold is mine.

I could set my search up to find only those stories of successful ENM marriages. But that would be dishonest in trying to make the point.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> @Caifan, let’s say your sister came to you for advice and told you her husband wanted from her exactly what your wife is doing to you. What would you say?
> 
> Take a step back, look at your situation objectively, and imagine the advice you’d give someone you love if they were in your spot. Then treat yourself like you’d treat someone you love.


Maybe better to imagine his brother asking for the advice. Or his sister wanting what his wife wants. The situation should be as close to his own as possible.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> While I definitely don't always agree with her, you really don't want to try wielding the sword this way.
> 
> You would be totally botching it because she isn't judging someone for something she is also doing.


A lot would depend on how you read that passage. One the one hand it could be an admonishment against hypocrisy. But it could also be read as not judging something that is wrong for you as being wrong for others. There is that whole section (can't think of where it is ATM) where it is noted that while foods are no longer restricted in and of themselves, don't judge those who still hold to the restrictions nor, if you still hold to them, judge those who do not. Granted that is my putting those two passages together as a conclusion between them. And that all points back to my point that even within a religion, the same passage(s) gets interpreted different.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

WhatNextDad said:


> od. A few years ago my wife and I went to a marriage counselor… She and the psychologist suggested that we try an open marriage.


So the professionals suggested an open marriage?!? Seems akin to suggesting a person having trouble with alcohol to try hard drugs.

I gather you are still “married”. How is life any different than if you had divorced and both of you live single?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

maquiscat said:


> A lot would depend on how you read that passage. One the one hand it could be an admonishment against hypocrisy. But it could also be read as not judging something that is wrong for you as being wrong for others. There is that whole section (can't think of where it is ATM) where it is noted that while foods are no longer restricted in and of themselves, don't judge those who still hold to the restrictions nor, if you still hold to them, judge those who do not. Granted that is my putting those two passages together as a conclusion between them. And that all points back to my point that even within a religion, the same passage(s) gets interpreted different.


Well, I'm confident in my understanding in the fullness of scripture. This is a derailment that I don't want to participate in on this thread.

Christian "house" rules don't apply to non Christians anyway.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Well, I'm confident in my understanding in the fullness of scripture. This is a derailment that I don't want to participate in on this thread.
> 
> Christian "house" rules don't apply to non Christians anyway.


💯


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Rob_1 said:


> Damned, I think that this is one of the reasons why we should pay heed to mother nature's laws: only the fittest should procreate and pass on their genes. The human genetic material is getting muddled by the minute. Pretty soon only spawns will be borne.


Fittest by what standards? If you go by radical Muslim standards all non-Muslims are not fit to survive. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean they are not fit to survive.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> If He was false I wouldn't stand up for Him. Nor would billions of others who have experienced Him in their lives or seen Him work in others lives.


You do realize that that is the stupidest argument for or against a deity? Especially given all the others across time and across modern culture who are saying the same about their own deities. You would, with very little doubt on my part, claim that the Wiccan Goddess is a false god, and yet they would say as well that if She was false then they wouldn't stand up for Her. And yet they do. By the way you worded your statement, that means that She is not a false God(ess) either.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Well, I'm confident in my understanding in the fullness of scripture. This is a derailment that I don't want to participate in on this thread.
> 
> Christian "house" rules don't apply to non Christians anyway.


Fair enough. I'm just pointing out that even among Christians, there is no absolute consensus on many points and details within the Bible.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> That kind of search is only going to bring up anecdotal evidence and is set to skew the results. Whereas looking for articles and studies might provide a more balanced view. Such as from this article in Psychology Today:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I will just disagree with you.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

maquiscat said:


> Fair enough. I'm just pointing out that even among Christians, there is no absolute consensus on many points and details within the Bible.


There is. Without going into a seminary lesson, it's not going to be understood by you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

maquiscat said:


> You do realize that that is the stupidest argument for or against a deity? Especially given all the others across time and across modern culture who are saying the same about their own deities. You would, with very little doubt on my part, claim that the Wiccan Goddess is a false god, and yet they would say as well that if She was false then they wouldn't stand up for Her. And yet they do. By the way you worded your statement, that means that She is not a false God(ess) either.


You're worse than her at religious derailment. Let it drop.😵‍💫


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

maquiscat said:


> Fair enough. I'm just pointing out that even among Christians, there is no absolute consensus on many points and details within the Bible.


Well that’s like saying posters on TAM don’t have absolute consensus about what you just wrote. People think what they think.

The issue of this thread though is that OP doesn’t have consensus in his own head of what he wants.
I think he wants to put his hand in the fire because it’s exciting and he thinks he’ll like it.
But he’s scared of being burned and wants TAM to tell him it’s ok.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> WHY PLEASE??


Why? Because she just told you she isn't looking for just sexual gratification then coming home to her loyal husband. She is literally shopping around for a boyfriend. She doesn't want a ONS, she wants to get to know them. Your relationship with her is already over. Your best option is to move on without her. She doesn't want you any more


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Well that’s like saying posters on TAM don’t have absolute consensus about what you just wrote. People think what they think.


Pretty much. That's rather my point. The claim that any form of NM is destructive is being given as an absolute. The sad part is that none of us who are ENM, are trying to claim that ENM is always the best path. We are only making the point that it is a possible path and is not wrong in and of itself, only wrong for a given situation/combination of people.



> The issue of this thread though is that OP doesn’t have consensus in his own head of what he wants.
> I think he wants to put his hand in the fire because it’s exciting and he thinks he’ll like it.
> But he’s scared of being burned and wants TAM to tell him it’s ok.


I agree. He seems to be all over the place and really needs to do a good self evaluation before he goes forward in either direction.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

@Caifan: 
You have received a lot of advice from different perspectives. There was even one living the life your wife wants you to live for three years now. His wife has a BF she is out till midnite screwing, he is home sitting the kids. Does thought of being at home in bed while your wife is getting railed excite you?

You have more than enough advice. Let us know in a few months how it worked out for you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

maquiscat said:


> A lot would depend on how you read that passage. One the one hand it could be an admonishment against hypocrisy. But it could also be read as not judging something that is wrong for you as being wrong for others. There is that whole section (can't think of where it is ATM) where it is noted that while foods are no longer restricted in and of themselves, don't judge those who still hold to the restrictions nor, if you still hold to them, judge those who do not. Granted that is my putting those two passages together as a conclusion between them. And that all points back to my point that even within a religion, the same passage(s) gets interpreted different.


There are a lot of things in the Bible that are crystal clear. One is that adultery is a really serious and damaging thing that will always eventually have bad consequences. 
Another is that faithfulness in marriage is vital.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

maquiscat said:


> Pretty much. That's rather my point. The claim that any form of NM is destructive is being given as an absolute. The sad part is that none of us who are ENM, are trying to claim that ENM is always the best path. We are only making the point that it is a possible path and is not wrong in and of itself, only wrong for a given situation/combination of people.
> 
> 
> I agree. He seems to be all over the place and really needs to do a good self evaluation before he goes forward in either direction.


Thing is on TAM I think it is easily 1 out of 100 that you get a post here about a non-monogamous relationship scenario where both parties are all in and properly planning things out. Nearly every single instance is a marriage that is about to fall off the cliff and this just accelerates it.

This one is a prime example. The best course of action is for the OP to take a leadership role and put an end to this. If his wife insists on continuing down this path it would be on her own. This guy is just living in fear and has no balls to stand up for himself.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Thing is on TAM I think it is easily 1 out of 100 that you get a post here about a non-monogamous relationship scenario where both parties are all in and properly planning things out. Nearly every single instance is a marriage that is about to fall off the cliff and this just accelerates it.
> 
> This one is a prime example. The best course of action is for the OP to take a leadership role and put an end to this. If his wife insists on continuing down this path it would be on her own. This guy is just living in fear and has no balls to stand up for himself.


The thing is she has told him her intentions. The only leadership he should exhibit is filing for divirce ASAP


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator warning: *Religious posts in the Religious section, please!


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

The only time I have read about a open marriage working out is when both individuals in the relationship want one. That said, most have never posted again so how would one know if they are still together.

I have never read about an open relationship working out when one is deceitful, lying or already testing the waters. That individual normally pushes the one that isn’t ready for any of it into the open relationship. The one that wanted it hits the ground running, hooking up immediately. While the one that is pushed into it is left in the dust with the look of WTF on their face.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> The thing is she has told him her intentions. The only leadership he should exhibit is filing for divirce ASAP


yes this !!!


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Oh well that's ok then, as long as your mum is ok with adultery.


Someday, Caifan will agree with those of us who are opposed to open marriage.

Until then, he is in for a world of hurt.

Can't help him. He left himself open to that.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Caifan said:


> WHAT SHOULD I DO


You should divorce her immediately.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

In most situations open marriages are just and excuse for the woman to cheat and result in her ****ing other men while you sit at home.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

thunderchad said:


> In most situations open marriages are just and excuse for the woman to cheat and result in her ****ing other men while you sit at home.


exactly. The opportunities aren't the same. He will be home watching porn. She will be getting the real thing. 

There is never any reason why a man with any degree of self esteem or self respect would go into such an arrangement. If they do, they are the ultimate cuckold.

Yes, go to sleep with your wife who smells line another man, who is worn out by the other man and is filled with him.

Ummm no Not acceptable. 

Open marriage people are fools and deviant


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> One is that adultery is a really serious and damaging thing that will *always* eventually have bad consequences.
> Another is that faithfulness in marriage is vital.


Leaving the religious aspect out of it per the mod, it is still factual that it will not always lead to bad consequences. We've been 20 years no problems, and I know couples doing ENM for 50+ years still going strong with no more problems than monogamous couples have. And we do remain faithful. Just because you want to define it differently does not change that we are holding faithful to our ideals.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Leaving the religious aspect out of it per the mod, it is still factual that it will not always lead to bad consequences. We've been 20 years no problems, and I know couples doing ENM for 50+ years still going strong with no more problems than monogamous couples have. And we do remain faithful. Just because you want to define it differently does not change that we are holding faithful to our ideals.


Marquiscat,
You like to have sex with dudes and women. You aren’t jealous or have any desire for exclusivity apparently, nor expect it. Surely you realize that you are extremely different from how most people are wired. 
OP’s title said he didn’t want it. It’s not a mutual thing here. His lady just wants to go get it in with other men. He’s not digging that.
Where’s the poly angle here and would it ever work for HIM? I don’t see it.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Marquiscat,
> You like to have sex with dudes and women. You aren’t jealous or have any desire for exclusivity apparently, nor expect it. Surely you realize that you are extremely different from how most people are wired.
> OP’s title said he didn’t want it. It’s not a mutual thing here. His lady just wants to go get it in with other men. He’s not digging that.
> Where’s the poly angle here and would it ever work for HIM? I don’t see it.


I wouldn't say he is "extremely different"...just a little different. Go do a search on wife sharing or hotwives and see how many couple's are into it. Something like 6-10% of couples have or do engage in things like that (wife sharing, swinging, etc). So while obviously not mainstream, I bet its a big higher than many think. And when you look, many of these couples are in their 60s and 70s and have been married long term and doing it a while.

Anomalies? Sure....but just saying I don't think "the cat" is as out there as many would think.

Back on topic...If the OPs wife wants an open marriage, the OP should suggest swinging as at least he can have fun on the side too.

I know he does not want that but THATS what he should suggest to his wife. I imagine she would say OK as it sounds like she is done with the marriage anyway but thats what I would do. WTH...if they marriage is done anyway, go out with a bang...literally!


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Married but Happy said:


> Clearly, everyone stands up for their own false gods. And they're ALL false IME, since there is absolutely no proof of existence for any of them. I just believe in one less god than you do.
> 
> Anyway, OP, IMO you are on the road to heartbreak and divorce. This is not in any way a reasonable or healthy way to approach an open relationship. I've been in one for 22 years, and we have clear rules, boundaries, and standards of fairness, etc., and we always review all of this whenever we find someone new we want to get involved with. Finally, we each have veto power if something seems off about the person or situation.


Ok. I here that. It seems you are concerned?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Bull Frog Kisser said:


> Ok. I here that. It seems you are concerned?


 About?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Marquiscat,
> You like to have sex with dudes and women. You aren’t jealous or have any desire for exclusivity apparently, nor expect it. Surely you realize that you are extremely different from how most people are wired.
> OP’s title said he didn’t want it. It’s not a mutual thing here. His lady just wants to go get it in with other men. He’s not digging that.
> Where’s the poly angle here and would it ever work for HIM? I don’t see it.


First off, while I love my husband, he and I are not sexually active with each other. Neither of us are into men. While many people can't get it, the division between romantic attraction and sexual attraction works both ways, i.e. neither requires the other to exist.

Secondly, I have not denied that it is not a minority thing and that most people can't or won't do it. But that doesn't make it wrong in and of itself. It might be wrong _for_ some people, but that doesn't make it wrong for all, unlike what some others want to claim.

As to the OP, he has been waffling back and forth on this. Several of us have commented to him about it. He needs to figure out whether he does or does not want an open marriage. Open and poly are not the same, BTW. People can engage in both, and a given relationship can indeed be both, but they are still separate things. Right now, poly is not on his radar. Now quite frankly, I do tell people who want to try open, to be ready for poly in case feelings arise, but there is no guarantee that it will. Can open work for him? Maybe. But he needs to figure out whether this is a no or yes.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Back on topic...If the OPs wife wants an open marriage, the OP should suggest swinging as at least he can have fun on the side too.
> 
> I know he does not want that but THATS what he should suggest to his wife. I imagine she would say OK as it sounds like she is done with the marriage anyway but thats what I would do. WTH...if they marriage is done anyway, go out with a bang...literally!


If he's not wired to get down with other women while she is right there, it just ain't gonna work. 

Most men just simply don't have it in them to hit it with someone else while their wife is right there. If he's not down for any kind of nonmonogamy, it would simply be throwing more gas on the inferno burning down their relationship.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> If he's not wired to get down with other women while she is right there, it just ain't gonna work.
> 
> Most men just simply don't have it in them to hit it with someone else while their wife is right there. If he's not down for any kind of nonmonogamy, it would simply be throwing more gas on the inferno burning down their relationship.


True.

I just think it would be his best response to his wife. Otherwise he just becomes a cuckold.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> True.
> 
> I just think it would be his best response to his wife. Otherwise he just becomes a cuckold.


His best response is lay out the blueprint of his expectations and boundaries of what he wants in a relationship where either she is agreeable to that or he moves on and finds someone who is. 

Currently he is wishy washy and has a combination of trying to bend and twist himself to appease her so she doesn’t leave him and well as being somewhat titilated by the idea, all while being concerned and worried about the whole thing. 

He simply needs to grow a pair and take a stand one way or another.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

OP, if you want the open marriage, change the title please.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Back on topic...If the OPs wife wants an open marriage, the OP should suggest swinging as at least he can have fun on the side too.
> 
> I know he does not want that but THATS what he should suggest to his wife. I imagine she would say OK as it sounds like she is done with the marriage anyway but thats what I would do. WTH...if they marriage is done anyway, go out with a bang...literally!


And why should he suggest anything to her? Swinging? Doesn't that take even more effort on his part than this open stuff? Finding people with upside down pineapples on their porch, vetting them, getting vetted by them. meeting and sitting around talking with clothes on, meeting later and sitting around with clothes off, etc etc 

She is already out the door, why would she say "ok"? Why would she want to drag her husband along to a swing session when she can go screw multiple random men from the nightclub by herself tonight? The only bang going on is her banging as many as possible.

OP can divorce her and spend his energy finding greener pastures.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> And why should he suggest anything to her? Swinging? Doesn't that take even more effort on his part than this open stuff? Finding people with upside down pineapples on their porch, vetting them, getting vetted by them. meeting and sitting around talking with clothes on, meeting later and sitting around with clothes off, etc etc
> 
> She is already out the door, why would she say "ok"? Why would she want to drag her husband along to a swing session when she can go screw multiple random men from the nightclub by herself tonight? The only bang going on is her banging as many as possible.
> 
> OP can divorce her and spend his energy finding greener pastures.


Just trying to give him some suggestions as it appears he doesn't want to divorce.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> His best response is lay out the blueprint of his expectations and boundaries of what he wants in a relationship where either she is agreeable to that or he moves on and finds someone who is.
> 
> Currently he is wishy washy and has a combination of trying to bend and twist himself to appease her so she doesn’t leave him and well as being somewhat titilated by the idea, all while being concerned and worried about the whole thing.
> 
> He simply needs to grow a pair and take a stand one way or another.


All indications are from OP posts this will never happen. Sore crotch forever from continuous fence riding.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You should marry her and then pimp her out. It’s the only reasonable thing to do. Put that hottie to good use.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> You should marry her and then pimp her out. It’s the only reasonable thing to do. Put that hottie to good use.


At least then he’d have something to show for it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> At least then he’d have something to show for it.


Including STD's cause you know he can't keep his hands off and is too ummm... "dim" to use protection.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

ok friends thanks to all of you i never imagine this much help...here is the update!*__* she has been more understanding to me i had to put my foot down and put some ground rules we both agree! so here it is ,,and focus on answering this ,.,i keep on telling HER THIS PLEASE GUYS FOCUS ON THIS ONE .!! I TELL HER YOU KNOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE WITH THIS ..OR YOU FEEL LIKE STOPPING ANY TIME JUST LET ME KNOW ..i can see it on her she just wants to continue with this ,.nothing has happen yet! but focus guys ! she keeps asking me if she still good LOOKING NAKED! SHE SEEMS TO BE SUFFERING FROM SELF CONFIDENCE CAUSE SHE KEEPS ASKING ME I NEED REASURANCE FROM OTHER GUSY I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A WOMEN!! I DONT WANT TO GET THEM GROSS OUT!! i tell her you be fine love! she tells me that her goal is to have at least 2 lovers plus me ! she says im not looking for love! and also guys I DRINK TO MUCH MEDICATION O ONLY CAN DO 1 ROUND WITH HER SHE WANTS MORE AT LEAST 2-E PER NIGHT I CANT DOIT!! ALSO MY PENIS IS NOT THAT BIG SHE SEEMS TO URGE A DOGGY POUNDING I CANT DO THAT FOR HER IM BEEN TO HONEST HERE GUYS!!! i wan t to know if all of that sounds like her excuses cause i told her straight out i can move out ! pay everything let me go she WONT she says she loves ,me doesnt want love just wants sex with others ! also for the first time we went dancing together we spent sometime dancing drinking then we split in clube we each did our dancing with others ! it seem to go very well .. she keeps saying we can go togeteher but sometimes i will want to go alone ! that kind of gets to me but i understand ..TO ALL THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THIS I HAD NEVER EVER DONE THIS! I NEVER TOUHGT I BEE DOING THIS EITHER ...I JUST REALLY HOPE WISH PRAY..THAT AT THE LONG RUN THIS WILL NOT DESTROY US !!! IN ANY WAY ...THAT IM CONCERNED BUT I CANT STOP HER NOW!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sounds like a great weekend. Good luck.
I’m sure it will turn out fantastic.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sounds like a great weekend. Good luck.
> I’m sure it will turn out fantastic.


we feel like we broke the ice and the weird part we woke up the next morning no anger no nothing all very cool we both felt great doing it we feel very strong so far.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So how many girlfriends are you allowed or are you always going to be stuck with the kids at home while your wife is getting her brains pounded out?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Caifan said:


> ........she has been more understanding to me i had to put my foot down and* put some ground rules we both agree!*
> 
> ....I TELL HER YOU KNOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE WITH THIS ..OR YOU FEEL LIKE STOPPING ANY TIME JUST LET ME KNOW ..i can see it on her she just wants to continue with this ,.nothing has happen yet!
> 
> ...


You are two adults and can do whatever you want.

As to insecurity of her body. Pay for some Boudoir photos from a professional photographer. At worst if will be a parting gift to help her on her dating apps.

If she really intents to sow her wild oats, if her sex drive is far higher than yours, and she has no desire to settle for less raw sex....................., then it is time to end things, unless you think it is a short lived phase she is going through. I don't think her high sex drive is short lived. If you continue to want to be in a relationship with a woman who has a much higher sex drive than you, you need to expect that she will need to get her sex drive met in ways other than you.

If you are lucky, it might be through porn, masturbation, or other ways that allow for technical monogomy.

The good news is she is being honest, clear, in telling you what she needs to be happy with you. You need to figure out what you want to live with. My advice to you is to think about what your definition of marriage is. What kind of marriage relationship do you want to be in say 10 years from now? Realize how impossible a life with her would be with children and her needing you plus two other lovers and her needing to go out clubbing, while leaving small children behind at home. Is that a life you can live with? If not, it is time to move out, tell it was fun while it lasted, but that you have other and more important goals in life than staying at home, while she enjoys sex with others.

Good luck.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Caifan said:


> ...THAT IM CONCERNED BUT I CANT STOP HER NOW!


You can't stop her from screwing other guys. She's probably already been doing that for awhile. 

But you can see a lawyer to try to mitigate your losses when she leaves so that she doesn't take the house and the cars and all the marital assets with her.


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## Asterix (May 16, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sounds like a great weekend. Good luck.
> I’m sure it will turn out fantastic.


I may be totally, like totally wrong here, but @Caifan I think that @Evinrude58 just might have been a tad bit sarcastic there.


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## Asterix (May 16, 2021)

I didn't read the whole thread and I do apologize for that. 

Here's what I think though: If a partner needs validation from another man or woman to make them feel good about themselves, then they really need to start talking to a therapist to get to the bottom of the issue. Your wife is instead choosing the nuclear option.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

maquiscat said:


> Fittest by what standards? If you go by radical Muslim standards all non-Muslims are not fit to survive. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean they are not fit to survive.


Who's talking about Muslims?

Dude, no matter how you tried to justify what you are, it doesn't really matter to those in the big majority of people in any society in this world. The big majority of humans in this planet has decided by natural selection since the beginning what's kosher and what's not. That what's every species in this planet goes through. Selection, selection, selection, by what as species we deemed is what's beneficial to species, whether that leads to extinction or not. 

Just because lately we humans tolerate all kind of misfits, degenerates, alternative types of living (tiny minority) as social condescension for another human being that does not mean in any way or form that most humans in this planet accept it as an genetic trait we aspire to propagate and perpetuate for the species. So don't give me that crap, about not fit to survive. A human can survive even without arms and legs with the help of other people. That's not the same as we wanting more humans without arms and legs.


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## unheld (Sep 20, 2013)

Caifan said:


> ok friends thanks to all of you i never imagine this much help...here is the update!*__* she has been more understanding to me i had to put my foot down and put some ground rules we both agree! so here it is ,,and focus on answering this ,.,i keep on telling HER THIS PLEASE GUYS FOCUS ON THIS ONE .!! I TELL HER YOU KNOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE WITH THIS ..OR YOU FEEL LIKE STOPPING ANY TIME JUST LET ME KNOW ..i can see it on her she just wants to continue with this ,.nothing has happen yet! but focus guys ! she keeps asking me if she still good LOOKING NAKED! SHE SEEMS TO BE SUFFERING FROM SELF CONFIDENCE CAUSE SHE KEEPS ASKING ME I NEED REASURANCE FROM OTHER GUSY I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A WOMEN!! I DONT WANT TO GET THEM GROSS OUT!! i tell her you be fine love! she tells me that her goal is to have at least 2 lovers plus me ! she says im not looking for love! and also guys I DRINK TO MUCH MEDICATION O ONLY CAN DO 1 ROUND WITH HER SHE WANTS MORE AT LEAST 2-E PER NIGHT I CANT DOIT!! ALSO MY PENIS IS NOT THAT BIG SHE SEEMS TO URGE A DOGGY POUNDING I CANT DO THAT FOR HER IM BEEN TO HONEST HERE GUYS!!! i wan t to know if all of that sounds like her excuses cause i told her straight out i can move out ! pay everything let me go she WONT she says she loves ,me doesnt want love just wants sex with others ! also for the first time we went dancing together we spent sometime dancing drinking then we split in clube we each did our dancing with others ! it seem to go very well .. she keeps saying we can go togeteher but sometimes i will want to go alone ! that kind of gets to me but i understand ..TO ALL THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THIS I HAD NEVER EVER DONE THIS! I NEVER TOUHGT I BEE DOING THIS EITHER ...I JUST REALLY HOPE WISH PRAY..THAT AT THE LONG RUN THIS WILL NOT DESTROY US !!! IN ANY WAY ...THAT IM CONCERNED BUT I CANT STOP HER NOW!


dude, you should turn her out and split the profits... win-win-win


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

Well that was an interesting read. Most individuals try to either "
one up" experiences a partner had with an ex, or forge new memories that would outshine those previous experiences. If you're showing interest in her previous relationships and actively encouraging her affairs then it's not really "open"... " open" would be mutual agreement and mutual respect. This is a **** fetish... and most relationships don't survive it, let alone marriages.

To each their own and best of luck. Personally I think you're inviting emotional pain, trauma, and abuse. I'd say walk away now, it sounds like it's already over.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

WhatNextDad said:


> found myself watching kids alone 4 nights a week while she was out partying. Our relationship seemed good because she was being nice and having sex with me but I felt neglected. Sometimes I lay in bed past midnight very anxious about what she was doing with her boyfriend and when she would come home. It started causing anxiety until I threatened her with divorce.


 I could NOT imagine a greater torture in my life than this. I would MUCH rather be divorced than have to put up with this.
I think you went to the wrong counselor...


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Caifan said:


> ok friends thanks to all of you i never imagine this much help...here is the update!*__* she has been more understanding to me i had to put my foot down and put some ground rules we both agree! so here it is ,,and focus on answering this ,.,i keep on telling HER THIS PLEASE GUYS FOCUS ON THIS ONE .!! I TELL HER YOU KNOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE WITH THIS ..OR YOU FEEL LIKE STOPPING ANY TIME JUST LET ME KNOW ..i can see it on her she just wants to continue with this ,.nothing has happen yet! but focus guys ! she keeps asking me if she still good LOOKING NAKED! SHE SEEMS TO BE SUFFERING FROM SELF CONFIDENCE CAUSE SHE KEEPS ASKING ME I NEED REASURANCE FROM OTHER GUSY I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A WOMEN!! I DONT WANT TO GET THEM GROSS OUT!! i tell her you be fine love! she tells me that her goal is to have at least 2 lovers plus me ! she says im not looking for love! and also guys I DRINK TO MUCH MEDICATION O ONLY CAN DO 1 ROUND WITH HER SHE WANTS MORE AT LEAST 2-E PER NIGHT I CANT DOIT!! ALSO MY PENIS IS NOT THAT BIG SHE SEEMS TO URGE A DOGGY POUNDING I CANT DO THAT FOR HER IM BEEN TO HONEST HERE GUYS!!! i wan t to know if all of that sounds like her excuses cause i told her straight out i can move out ! pay everything let me go she WONT she says she loves ,me doesnt want love just wants sex with others ! also for the first time we went dancing together we spent sometime dancing drinking then we split in clube we each did our dancing with others ! it seem to go very well .. she keeps saying we can go togeteher but sometimes i will want to go alone ! that kind of gets to me but i understand ..TO ALL THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THIS I HAD NEVER EVER DONE THIS! I NEVER TOUHGT I BEE DOING THIS EITHER ...I JUST REALLY HOPE WISH PRAY..THAT AT THE LONG RUN THIS WILL NOT DESTROY US !!! IN ANY WAY ...THAT IM CONCERNED BUT I CANT STOP HER NOW!


I need to request that you start using quotes at the least. I understand that English is not your first language so I am not knocking that, but there are still plenty of things you can do to help us to help you. Something more than a run-on sentence would help as well. Break it up with some blank lines.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

ABHale said:


> So how many girlfriends are you allowed or are you always going to be stuck with the kids at home while your wife is getting her brains pounded out?


as many as we can get but i did warned her about having feelings she straight out tells me i just want to have lovers thats all i wont disclosed my private life with you and our kids ,,


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> You are two adults and can do whatever you want.
> 
> As to insecurity of her body. Pay for some Boudoir photos from a professional photographer. At worst if will be a parting gift to help her on her dating apps.
> 
> ...


she seems concern even ask me if its normal for her to always have orgasm with man! i told her YES they will love it ..she seems to be going thru this phase ! i say it midlife crisis i just be patient she does not know i have GPS on my CAR so any lies i will dump her ASS....cause we agree on truth no lies .. CAN YOU ALL TELL ME WHAT WILL MAN THINK OF HER ? SHES 42 HOT LATINA LOOKING SHES GORGEOUS , I WONDER WHAT WILL GUYS THINK OF HER . ALSO SHE KEEPS TELLING ME WHO WILL TAKE ME SERIUSULY ON ONE WILL !! I DONT CARE I JUST WANT TO ENJOY THE MOMENTS ..ALSO SHE HAS TOOLD ME SHE WILL NOT CALLED THEM BABE !!! WTF ,,SHE SAY SHE WILL USE ANOTHER WORDS WTF?


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> You can't stop her from screwing other guys. She's probably already been doing that for awhile.
> 
> But you can see a lawyer to try to mitigate your losses when she leaves so that she doesn't take the house and the cars and all the marital assets with her.


YOU HAVE A GREAT POINT ,,,NOW I REALLY REALLY WONDER ? ONCE SHES STARTS TASTING OTHERS WILL SHE GET ADDICTED AND WONT STOP??? LIKE EXAMPLE IF I TELL HER I WANT YOU TO STOP SEEING THAT PERSON...IM WAITING IF I EVER BE IN THAT SITUTATION


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

Asterix said:


> I didn't read the whole thread and I do apologize for that.
> 
> Here's what I think though: If a partner needs validation from another man or woman to make them feel good about themselves, then they really need to start talking to a therapist to get to the bottom of the issue. Your wife is instead choosing the nuclear option.


MY FRIEND I AGREE!!! I HAVE EVEN TOLD HER WHY DO YOU NEED TO DO THIS?? NO CLEAR ANSWER . IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME ...EITHER ..


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So you are fine with your wife going out sloring on a daily basis with multiple men. IS that correct?
You think she won’t get feelings for one she’s screwing, and will continue wanting sex with you, is that correct?
Last of all, you think ****ing multiple other men that she hardly knows is safe. Is this correct?

I could get quite a list covering why this idea if hers is crazy dangerous, but I’m curious about your thoughts.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

SHES 42 HOT LATINA LOOKING SHES GORGEOUS , I WONDER WHAT WILL GUYS THINK OF HER . Are you serious? They will be thinking of her the same as you do.

ONCE SHES STARTS TASTING OTHERS WILL SHE GET ADDICTED AND WONT STOP??? Yes she will. In fact bet she is already addicted to 'tasting' others. No, she won't stop.

IF I TELL HER I WANT YOU TO STOP SEEING THAT PERSON..She isn't going to listen to anything you say.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Caifan said:


> MY FRIEND I AGREE!!! I HAVE EVEN TOLD HER WHY DO YOU NEED TO DO THIS?? NO CLEAR ANSWER . IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME ...EITHER ..


Then why are you letting her destroy your kids and your life as you know it.

Her wanting to have 2 boyfriends is going to leave zero time for you and your kids. You will be stuck at home sexless, unless you actually enjoy sloppy seconds. Are you actually going to kiss your wife when she gets home, after she just sucked a guy off to completion and swallowed?

I don’t need to know anything about your kids. Just warning you that this will destroy your family in the end.

Your still going off the deep end about this. You won’t be able to hand this.

She isn’t saying she wants a friend with benefits. She wants a boyfriend/lover, emotions are involved with both. She is lying to you.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I just realized the OP's name can mean Pimp in Spanish. Anyone else think that may be relevant?









English Translation of “caifán” | Collins Spanish-English Dictionary


English Translation of “caifán” | The official Collins Spanish-English Dictionary online. Over 100,000 English translations of Spanish words and phrases.




www.collinsdictionary.com


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> Does this mean we have been trolled?


Not sure if we are allowed to say that, but I would have thought so...


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

There have already been similar comments removed from this thread more than once. Just saying.

source: my comments and quoted comments were deleted.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I can't read stuff that's in all caps, but my reply to the question in the thread title is "you say no".


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> You are correct. A secure person knows that don't _have_ to share their spouse. A secure person knows also that they _can _and the spouse still remains faithful. Just because it doesn't fit _your _definition of faithful, well, too bad. You don't control what other people call faithful for their own relationships. And yes, it's adultery, but again, just because you consider adultery a negative, that doesn't mean you get to force that idea onto other people's relationship.


Saying it is not forcing it on any one.


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## crashdawg (11 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> Saying it is not forcing it on any one.


This isn't even a viable example of a healthy marriage much less a realistic conversation between partners in a healthy relationship wishing to open it up. In this specific case it's 100% adultery. But this spec case, and many of the initial posts on here of "X wants open", are ultimatums. They're not realistic healthy discussions and don't represent that lifestyle choice.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

crashdawg said:


> This isn't even a viable example of a healthy marriage much less a realistic conversation between partners in a healthy relationship wishing to open it up. In this specific case it's 100% adultery. But this spec case, and many of the initial posts on here of "X wants open", are ultimatums. They're not realistic healthy discussions and don't represent that lifestyle choice.


My response was to someone else making a response to another posters remark.


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## caifan80 (10 mo ago)

ok update everything so far been good ! we go to clubs and hang out for a while then we both do our thing so far she hasnt had any luck yet .,.some dude ask her to go outside the club with her what the hell that even means but she said no..it wasnt her type ..she has told me she wants to find guys 30 and up...age ..shes 41 ...also i did mention to her be ready for emotions wich she seem confused at first ,,cause it will happen right friends?? some sort of emotions will start once she have sex with guys ..its a normal human emotion.. also she did ask me what do i do then if the guy starts getting to attached ? *friends please what do i tell her to say here ..she asking me when she meets guys is it better to say shes married ? single divorced what would be the good answer to make sure guys get it right away that she only wants to have fun and no serious ??*


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Caifan said:


> ok update everything so far been good ! we go to clubs and hang out for a while then we both do our thing so far she hasnt had any luck yet .,.some dude ask her to go outside the club with her what the hell that even means but she said no..it wasnt her type ..she has told me she wants to find guys 30 and up...age ..shes 41 ...also i did mention to her be ready for emotions wich she seem confused at first ,,cause it will happen right friends?? some sort of emotions will start once she have sex with guys ..its a normal human emotion.. also she did ask me what do i do then if the guy starts getting to attached ? *friends please what do i tell her to say here ..she asking me when she meets guys is it better to say shes married ? single divorced what would be the good answer to make sure guys get it right away that she only wants to have fun and no serious ??*


She should wait until she has given the new guy a try. Then if she thinks he is better than you she can just toss you away and move on to the better man. Remember, if you love some one set them free.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

They’re only looking for a quick hookup in the parking lot so what does it matter if she says she’s married or divorced.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

If she just wants to get ****ed, she should just go up to her “type” and tell him that she wants a good no strings attached pounding. Better odds doing it that way. Plus she can point over to cucky (you) and you can give him the thumbs up approval.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

This is just sad now. 😢


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

There are forums for cuckolds like yourself. I would suggest visiting them for the answer to your questions.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Caifan said:


> ok update everything so far been good ! we go to clubs and hang out for a while then we both do our thing so far she hasnt had any luck yet .,.some dude ask her to go outside the club with her what the hell that even means but she said no..it wasnt her type ..she has told me she wants to find guys 30 and up...age ..shes 41 ...also i did mention to her be ready for emotions wich she seem confused at first ,,cause it will happen right friends?? some sort of emotions will start once she have sex with guys ..its a normal human emotion.. also she did ask me what do i do then if the guy starts getting to attached ? *friends please what do i tell her to say here ..she asking me when she meets guys is it better to say shes married ? single divorced what would be the good answer to make sure guys get it right away that she only wants to have fun and no serious ??*


Have you listened to a single thing anyone has said here or addressed a single question anyone has asked?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> This is just sad now. 😢


I've questioned the authenticity of this thread since the first day.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> I've questioned the authenticity of this thread since the first day.


Don't forget, his name means pimp.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

This thread made me trigger reading it. I want to wring OP’s neck and knock some sense into him. I’m off of this one. AHHHH


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