# I want to sell, husband does not - need advice



## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

Hi all, I'm new here and seeking advice on how to handle an issue my husband and I are having. We are generally content in our marriage although we have our ups and downs, and are in a rough patch now due to work issues. I don't want to get into that here but want to focus on something else instead.

We have a vacation home that we have been renting out for 10 years. We bought it because we fell in love with it, and our intention was to rent it out until we could retire there some day. Things have changed since then. The rental was supposed to be a joint project. Instead it's all me doing the work because he is outside of his comfort zone (so was I!) and never made it a priority to learn. We have fought over this many times. I told him several years ago that I was done doing this and wanted the cottage sold. He agreed at the time, but as luck would have it, the market was depressed and we would have lost money on the sale. So I kept doing the work despite hating every second of it.

I should note that the work isn't a few minutes here and there. We are a very busy vacation rental and it is a ton of work! I've had it. I'm also tired of the constant maintenance needed to keep the rental in tip-top shape. My husband's contribution is limited to the few weeks we are at the home doing maintenance. I handle all the rentals, the marketing, service people, paperwork and bookkeeping, and so on. I have very nearly single-handedly built the equity in that home while dealing with health issues that are exacerbated by the stress.

The real estate market is finally in our favor. I want the rental sold! We got the rental appraised and all looked good... that is, until my husband drops the bombshell that he "may" want to keep the rental. After seeing how much it's worth he appears to be reluctant to let the home go. He had the nerve to say to me that he really enjoys HIS life now (I thought it was supposed to be OUR lives together?!) and really enjoys the property. I lost my temper and yelled at him that it was MY life that this rental was affecting and that it's pretty damned easy to enjoy something you didn't have to work for!

Honestly, I was so mad at that point that I seriously wanted to tell him that he can agree to sell the property, or we could divorce and be forced to sell it. I didn't say it, I just walked away and now we aren't speaking. His use of the words, HIS life, really made me angry. I am furious with him.

I feel he is behaving selfishly. I also believe that I should have a bigger say since I'm the one who has done all the work even though it was supposed to be a partnership. Am I being unreasonable? Any advice on how to handle this?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

It sounds to me like you husband is being selfish. Nevertheless, as half owner of the property, he has the right to say yea or nay on selling it.

How about getting a rental agent/manager to take care of the upkeep and other issues attached to renting the place?

My husband and I had a home in Arizona we rented out. We paid a rental agent something like 5% of the monthly rental to handle repairs and other such matters.


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

Our first two years of rentals were with a rental agent. In our area they charge 40% and nickel and dime you for everything. That's not the worst of it, they are also incompetent, bringing in very few rentals (3 in 2 years, I filled in the rest myself), forgetting to send tenants critical information, and other things too. The rental is in a small town and we don't have a lot of options.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Ok so your husband is a bit of a beta ****. Lets get down to the bottom of this. 

How many hours a year do you spend working on this rental. Now what is the net income. Include in this calculation any equity gain via principal payments on loans paid by rental income. SO basically what is you cash flow plus mortgage pay down. 

If the number is significant and what you are effectively making hourly is a good wage, (more than what you would make at a regular jo you are qualified for) maybe on a purely financial basis it makes sense to keep it. However with the current direction of interest rates I give the real estate market about 18 months before a correction starts. 

So to make a ration decision you need to analyze the cashflow compared to the potential loss in value if there is a prolonged correction in the market. If your future cashflow will outpace the loss of 10% in value over the next 3 years it might be worth keeping. 

The bigger issue might be how do you get your husband to step up and take responsibility for this place he wants so bad. The answer there is Just tell him your not going to do it all anymore. If he wants this place he needs to work for it. If he won't tell him it's unacceptable and he is causing financial harm to your family because you can't continue to do it all.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Okay, here's my opinion. You may not like it, but this is it: Quit doing anything with the rental. Don't maintain it, don't rent it, don't give it a second thought. Your husband sat on his butt and let you do all the work. You sound like a responsible person, so you DID all the work. However, you also built up a great deal of resentment over it. After all, you were busting your hump while your husband twiddled his thumbs, right?

I'm going to hazard a guess that your husband is somewhat selfish. Great, so let him keep the house. And if the damn thing falls apart, so be it. My guess is there are other cracks and fissures in your marriage. This vacation rental is merely a symptom of something larger.'

Walk away from this issue. Take a wait-and-see posture. Let him deal with HIS life, HIS rental, HIS responsibilities. Seriously.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As long as you handle everything, he will not see the problem. You have to let go. 

How much of your mortgage on the place is paid for by the renters? 

The house has to start hurting him before he will understand... so get a realestate agent... your husband can start forking out more money and maybe then he will see the need to sell.

Do you two have children?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Maybe your husband is secretly planning on divorcing you and wants the rental as a place to go live. Crazier things have happened.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Set up a meeting with a agent to sell the rental. Take your husband to it. If he refuses to sell get it over into his keeping and walk your hands if it. Have all of your contacts for it informed that your husband alone is to be contacted for any and all things. 

Then relax. When he is doing things for the property you go to the spa. 

Let him know you are setting up the meeting. No need to add fuel the the fire. If he refuses to even go still turn everything over to him.


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

I've done the "you take over" approach. A few years ago we got into it in a big way over how little he does for the rental. I told him what needed to be done and left him to it. The result was some people's vacations were thrown in chaos as my husband struggled to keep to the schedule and get everything done (he is chronically disorganized). I ended up taking over responsibilities again after a few weeks since I didn't feel right about putting innocent people in the path of our issues.

I've deliberately not taken any rentals past the summer. It is my intent to tell him that if he refuses to sell, then all the bills and the responsibilities will be his. I won't lift a single finger. Since there won't be any more renters at that time, I won't have to wrestle with my conscience about whether or not they're being taken care of properly. It does worry me that he will piss away our equity if he doesn't keep the house in good condition.

We've already met with several real estate agents to get appraisals. Both of us were there and my husband seemed happy about the value of the rental until it came down to serious talks about selling. Now he is reluctant. It frustrates me since he was (seemingly) fine about selling a few years ago when the house value was depressed.
@Prodigal Yes, he is selfish. He has gotten dramatically better in the last decade, after we nearly divorced, but he still reverts to selfishness in times of stress. We definitely have our issues but we are mostly content and laugh a lot together. Lately, not as much, though.
@happyhusband0005 @EleGirl The rental does very well and the entire mortgage is paid by the renters. That said, paying the mortgage isn't an issue. Both he and I individually make more than enough. For me, I would much rather sell the rental and take the profits. He would rather keep the property in the hopes that one day we'll use it more (we live hundreds of miles away).


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

@Cooper Perhaps, but I doubt it. In our bad times we've talked about divorce. I have always said, if he doesn't want to be with me, just say so and we will divorce.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Prodigal said:


> Okay, here's my opinion. You may not like it, but this is it: Quit doing anything with the rental. Don't maintain it, don't rent it, don't give it a second thought. Your husband sat on his butt and let you do all the work. You sound like a responsible person, so you DID all the work. However, you also built up a great deal of resentment over it. After all, you were busting your hump while your husband twiddled his thumbs, right?
> 
> I'm going to hazard a guess that your husband is somewhat selfish. Great, so let him keep the house. And if the damn thing falls apart, so be it. My guess is there are other cracks and fissures in your marriage. This vacation rental is merely a symptom of something larger.'
> 
> Walk away from this issue. Take a wait-and-see posture. Let him deal with HIS life, HIS rental, HIS responsibilities. Seriously.


Exactly this. @LR100, we have properties with almost the exact same type of history/handling. I did this in a similar situation. My hands off approach has given me less of a headache, and him handling them a tiny bit has been enough for my husband to want to sell. He thought it was passive income/equity building. Nope, it takes a lot of work.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

ABHale said:


> Set up a meeting with a agent to sell the rental. Take your husband to it. If he refuses to sell get it over into his keeping and walk your hands if it. Have all of your contacts for it informed that your husband alone is to be contacted for any and all things.
> 
> Then relax. When he is doing things for the property you go to the spa.
> 
> Let him know you are setting up the meeting. No need to add fuel the the fire. If he refuses to even go still turn everything over to him.


While I like this idea I get the impression that their finances would be negatively impacted if it weren't rented as much, and I doubt it would be rented as much of OP washes her hands of it.

ETA: I guess I should have refreshed before posting, OP has covered this.


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

@Nucking Futs Our finances would definitely be negatively impacted if not rented! IMO, it's a waste of money for the property to sit empty since (besides the mortgage) there are still property taxes, utilities, and maintenance to be paid for.
@Saige Was your husband previously aware of how much work it was? I'm curious, since I've explicitly told my husband how much work it is and he got a small taste of it during those few weeks when he attempted to merely take over existing bookings. Did your husband eventually agree to sell?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Don’t take it back over. Wash your hands of it. What is more important your health and peace of mind or that property and those that rent it. 

It you are kind hearted, which it sounds like, then stop taking reservations now and let things ease up. Then give it to him and never that it back.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LR100 said:


> @happyhusband0005 @EleGirl The rental does very well and the entire mortgage is paid by the renters. That said, paying the mortgage isn't an issue. Both he and I individually make more than enough. For me, I would much rather sell the rental and take the profits. He would rather keep the property in the hopes that one day we'll use it more (we live hundreds of miles away).


You completely miss the point. He wants to keep the place because for him there are no downsides. You need to stop making it so easy for him to own the place.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

LR100 said:


> I've done the "you take over" approach. A few years ago we got into it in a big way over how little he does for the rental. I told him what needed to be done and left him to it. The result was some people's vacations were thrown in chaos as my husband struggled to keep to the schedule and get everything done (he is chronically disorganized). I ended up taking over responsibilities again after a few weeks since I didn't feel right about putting innocent people in the path of our issues.
> 
> I've deliberately not taken any rentals past the summer. It is my intent to tell him that if he refuses to sell, then all the bills and the responsibilities will be his. I won't lift a single finger. Since there won't be any more renters at that time, I won't have to wrestle with my conscience about whether or not they're being taken care of properly. It does worry me that he will piss away our equity if he doesn't keep the house in good condition.
> 
> ...


Is there anything you can assign him that he can reliably do?

I agree with @EleGirl. You took hold of the reins and he is used to you doing it all. We all get stuck in this phase and then struggle to pass on the torch.
There are words and then there are actions - his actions tell you everything very clearly. If he really wanted to keep the rental property then he would be more invested in it and help out. His actions say that he doesn't care, he also can't let go because that means some kind of consequence for him - it won't be yours (collectively) any longer. Basically he just wants his cake and wants to eat it, too.

Parting with things is a natural part of life. That includes people. While I would hope that you certainly do your best to work out this disagreement (and the communication issues therein) between yourselves as best as possible, don't seethe behind your feelings until they erupt. You need to present them clearly and factually to him, tell him your boundaries, and then tell him that whatever he does, you will be responding accordingly with your own actions.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

LR100 said:


> @Nucking Futs Our finances would definitely be negatively impacted if not rented! IMO, it's a waste of money for the property to sit empty since (besides the mortgage) there are still property taxes, utilities, and maintenance to be paid for.
> 
> @Saige Was your husband previously aware of how much work it was? I'm curious, since I've *explicitly told my husband how much work it is *and he got a small taste of it during those few weeks when he attempted to merely take over existing bookings. *Did your husband eventually agree to sell?*


Yes, I told him and told him, and described in detail the work I was doing. It wasn't enough for him to understand. We actually haven't had a civilized discussion about selling the place, just him screaming expletives in frustration so far, nothing productive. I'm waiting for him to cool it before attempting to talk about it.


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## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

ok, what a selfish and ungrateful person! what you can do...hire a property manager who does ALL your work and let him pay this bill. the bill goes straight to him. how about that?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Is there any work that you are willing to do on the place? For example, can you rent it in the summer, then have any maintenance done in the off months by a contractor? This way you are only working on it during the summer, except for hiring a contractor and the other months it goes unrented.


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

@EleGirl No, I didn't miss the point at all. If you look above where I addressed you specifically, in the second paragraph I say that I've stopped taking rentals after the summer so that I can turn over all responsibilities to him without affecting the renters. I was only answering your question about how much of the mortgage is paid by the renters. The worry is that he can afford the place all on his own, without renters (so no need to rent the place out), thus it may not be enough for him to want to sell.


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

@Satya That's the problem: I HAVE clearly spoken to him about how much work and responsibility the rental is. Over and over again! Clearly and factually and unemotionally most of the time (but lately, much more emotionally, because I am so done with it). As I mentioned in previous replies, he can afford the rental all on his own. Even though I have stopped taking rentals and at the end of the summer will turn over all responsibilities to him, it may not be enough to get him to sell. I am the one who has built all equity to this point (via renting out the house) and I want the place GONE!


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

@Saige I'm sorry to hear that. It is frustrating, for sure. Unfortunately, we also struggle to have civilized conversations about it now too, but it's mostly me who finally gets frustrated and yells. I hope things work out for you.
@SA2017 Our area does not have any competent property managers and they charge way too much.
@CynthiaDe No, I want out, completely. It is very hard to get reliable help in our area because our rental is rural. Workers tend to just not show up, or will call, often weeks after the original appointment date, wanting to come by. We live hundreds of miles away and go there several times a year and mostly do all the maintenance and repair work ourselves.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

With his method of communication being screaming I see large issues at work here. I can't imagine the marriage, outside of this issue, is peaches and cream. Time for a come to Jesus meeting about stating here's what has to happen........or I walk.......take your pick.


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## TheBohannons (Apr 6, 2018)

This is a business transaction and nothing else. It does not matter who did what to increase the equity. If you divorce the property will be split.

Draw up a contract that specifies the income needed to maintain the rental. Put a time limit on it. If he can not maintain the rental and bring in the income to pay the mortgage on it, then the property will be sold.

You can not negotiate a contract, if you have the "its my way or the hiway" mentality. Nor can you do it if there is yelling and screaming. Approach this in a professional manner and you should be able to resolve it amicably.

You also wrote that he can afford it on his own. Do you keep separate accounts? If his money is his money, then what is the problem? If he wants to dump his funds into keeping the unit, then why not let him. If there is some reason you want the equity now, have him buy you out.

The solution is too simple. Best to figure out the root cause of your problems.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LR100 said:


> @Satya That's the problem: I HAVE clearly spoken to him about how much work and responsibility the rental is. Over and over again! Clearly and factually and unemotionally most of the time (but lately, much more emotionally, because I am so done with it). As I mentioned in previous replies, he can afford the rental all on his own. Even though I have stopped taking rentals and a*t the end of the summer will turn over all responsibilities to him*, it may not be enough to get him to sell. I am the one who has built all equity to this point (via renting out the house) and I want the place GONE!


Why wait until the end of the summer?


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

@EleGirl I took the bookings many months before we got the property appraised. People have already booked time off from work, flights, etc ... I don't want to ruin anyone's vacation.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

LR100 said:


> Hi all, I'm new here and seeking advice on how to handle an issue my husband and I are having. We are generally content in our marriage although we have our ups and downs, and are in a rough patch now due to work issues. I don't want to get into that here but want to focus on something else instead.
> 
> We have a vacation home that we have been renting out for 10 years. We bought it because we fell in love with it, and our intention was to rent it out until we could retire there some day. Things have changed since then. The rental was supposed to be a joint project. Instead it's all me doing the work because he is outside of his comfort zone (so was I!) and never made it a priority to learn. We have fought over this many times. I told him several years ago that I was done doing this and wanted the cottage sold. He agreed at the time, but as luck would have it, the market was depressed and we would have lost money on the sale. So I kept doing the work despite hating every second of it.
> 
> ...


Make him a counteroffer. Tell him that the financial benefits the two of you derived from it have not been adequate, in your view, for the amount of time and effort that you, personally, can put into it. You have chosen to retire from this work. If he can find someone else to do this work (who will have to get paid) and have the second home still make financial sense, then you are on board with keeping it,.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

LR100 said:


> happyhusband0005[/MENTION] @EleGirl The rental does very well and the entire mortgage is paid by the renters. That said, paying the mortgage isn't an issue. Both he and I individually make more than enough. For me, I would much rather sell the rental and take the profits. He would rather keep the property in the hopes that one day we'll use it more (we live hundreds of miles away).


If the mortgage is covered could you find a company local to the rental that could take over management. I know Where I have a ski house there are dozens of realtors who provide property management for owners. They manage the rental, cleaning, etc. If the income would cover the fees plus the mortgage and also a small reserve fund it could become a pretty good long term nearly passive investment. 

What would you do with the profits. I prefer high quality income producing real estate investments, I just like knowing If I want to I can go stand on it. At 41 years old I could easily retire today with the income from my real estate investments. Once both my kids are in college 8 years my wife and I will do tax free exchanges into net leased properties with zero landlord responsibilities and kick back.


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

@DustyDog @happyhusband0005 I wish there were a manager who could take over! There isn't. Our rental is located in a small rural town where there aren't a lot of options. Of those available, they charge 40% of the gross rental, they don't screen guests adequately, and they are incompetent at getting bookings. It wouldn't make financial sense, unfortunately.

We have been looking for a retirement property. The sale of the rental would allow us to quickly jump on a property that we love without having to arrange for financing (we're pretty particular about what we want, and it takes us a long time to find it). We spoke again about the rental and he's very attached to it and enjoys the climate there. It just isn't practical to keep it. As a vacation rental, it's great. As a full-time home, it's not. We'd have to knock it down and re-build and that would just cost too much. He also doesn't want to sell the home we live in because he's loves the area as well. I'm tired of maintaining two homes.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

LR100 said:


> @DustyDog @happyhusband0005 I wish there were a manager who could take over! There isn't. Our rental is located in a small rural town where there aren't a lot of options. Of those available, they charge 40% of the gross rental, they don't screen guests adequately, and they are incompetent at getting bookings. It wouldn't make financial sense, unfortunately.
> 
> We have been looking for a retirement property. The sale of the rental would allow us to quickly jump on a property that we love without having to arrange for financing (we're pretty particular about what we want, and it takes us a long time to find it). We spoke again about the rental and he's very attached to it and enjoys the climate there. It just isn't practical to keep it. As a vacation rental, it's great. As a full-time home, it's not. We'd have to knock it down and re-build and that would just cost too much. He also doesn't want to sell the home we live in because he's loves the area as well. I'm tired of maintaining two homes.


You just gave the whole thing back to your husband!!! The manager was an idea to get you out of the role.

So, you've already decided it can't be solved?

OK, do this. Don't tell him HOW to solve it. Tell him he must. "I'm OK if we keep the second house, but I cannot do the maintenanance any more. Please have a solution within 90 days." Make it HIS problem, not yours.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

LR100 said:


> @DustyDog @happyhusband0005 I wish there were a manager who could take over! There isn't. Our rental is located in a small rural town where there aren't a lot of options. Of those available, they charge 40% of the gross rental, they don't screen guests adequately, and they are incompetent at getting bookings. It wouldn't make financial sense, unfortunately.
> 
> We have been looking for a retirement property. The sale of the rental would allow us to quickly jump on a property that we love without having to arrange for financing (we're pretty particular about what we want, and it takes us a long time to find it). We spoke again about the rental and he's very attached to it and enjoys the climate there. It just isn't practical to keep it. As a vacation rental, it's great. As a full-time home, it's not. We'd have to knock it down and re-build and that would just cost too much. He also doesn't want to sell the home we live in because he's loves the area as well. I'm tired of maintaining two homes.


WOW 40%. Holy Cow. Go with the Dogs idea make it his problem then.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

OK, do either of you have a full time job outside of doing this second home rental/maintenance?

As in 40 hours a week or more?

Does it bring in more than the rental net income?

If not, maybe quit that job and just do the rental.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

The problem with letting him take over is that the property can quickly go into disrepair and you'll lose all your equity. If he took the house over 100%, how do you see it playing out? Would he rise to the challenge? Or procrastinate and not be concerned about any loss in value? It's one thing to let something cheap like a lawnmower rust in the rain, but it's another to loose $XX,000 in home value because leaks and broken windows were not fixed quickly.


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## LR100 (May 26, 2018)

This is EXACTLY the issue, the one @wilson brings up that people don't seem to understand. Simply turning over the rental to my husband and making it his problem could mean that the home will fall into disrepair and we'll lose equity! There is not a simple solution despite what people say. It's far from black & white!

I'm sure hoping there is a way to solve this, but a manager is not the solution (we've been down that road before and it was a disaster). At the very least, I'm hoping someone can suggest a way to talk to him that I haven't thought of, a way that might resonate with him.
@DustyDog You wrote, "You just gave the whole thing back to your husband!!!" -- I'm not sure I understand? How did I give the whole thing back to my husband? 
@michzz We are both full-time employed and both make a very good living. The income from the rental isn't small potatoes, though, it's quite significant. My husband is not capable of running the rental.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

How far are you willing to go over this? Are you willing to make more of a stink over selling the house than he is to keep it?


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

To any accountants out there: Is there a way for her husband to buy out her interest in the vacation home? If this situation was two independent people, then one could easily buy out the other and take full ownership. But in a marriage with shared property, is there a way to do something similar?

*LR100*, do you have separate or joint bank accounts? If you have separate bank accounts (your money, his money, and joint money), then you could tell him he has to buy out your half of the house. He would have to transfer money from his account into your account in the amount of 1/2 the value of the house. Then any future expenses/profit would only be associated with his account. If he lets the house decay or go vacant, then it's his loss.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

LR100 said:


> This is EXACTLY the issue, the one @wilson brings up that people don't seem to understand. Simply turning over the rental to my husband and making it his problem could mean that the home will fall into disrepair and we'll lose equity! There is not a simple solution despite what people say. It's far from black & white!
> 
> I'm sure hoping there is a way to solve this, but a manager is not the solution (we've been down that road before and it was a disaster). At the very least, I'm hoping someone can suggest a way to talk to him that I haven't thought of, a way that might resonate with him.
> 
> ...


I think you ought to reconsider the hiring a manager strategy. Yes, you had a bad experience. Yes, you believe that you cannot ever find a good manager. I get that.

However, what is there to lose by investigating this again? Maybe what you found in the past is not truly what is available, just what you found.


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## dcFlorida (Sep 14, 2014)

People talk about divorce, etc.... as a legal step in separating lives. I look at it as the process of people separating, emotionally, physically, etc. The legal part is only the last step along the way. That being said, looks like you 'divorced' several years ago.
My suggestion... and this is coming from a man... is to get this boy man to marriage counseling - asap. Ensure that he knows that he is about to lose a marriage. If he refuses, you have your answer, if he does not follow through, you have your answer. If he steps up and gets involved to save a marriage, you have your answer.
As someone who works in real estate... you cannot lose time. Bills will pile up, property will not be kept up with, a bad tenant may tear it up while your focus is elsewhere. Unless you take steps now, you will lose your shirt. I would definitely advise you NOT to let the property get run down. I can assure you that this will be important come asset division takes place (should a divorce take place). Keep track of everything you do to preserve marriage assets.
If the hubby does not step up, divorce him asap. Longer you wait, the less you will walk away with.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

We do not get into arguments like that which is probably why we are married for 46 years. We always consider each others needs and want when making serious decisions. Plus we both like to please the other. We always seem to reach a compromise. We also tend to favor the one who is most negatively affected by the decision. We went through this with a home we had in Texas. We moved there due to a major promotion for me to branch manager at the age of 21. The money was great too. I moved out of my parents house when I turned 18 and by 20 I had been in a few different countries far from home. 

My wife got homesick and I was having a great time with my new friends and a great job. She wanted to move and I wanted to stay. She was crying and obviously the choice would be to do what she wants as she was more affected than I was. I called up my boss and asked him to transfer me back home or I would have to quit. I ended up being transferred back to NYC and firing the VP that hired and mentored me. He still tells the story of a man who looked like he was 17, with only 3 years experience in the business, firing him and taking over his job. 

The point is that we bought want to please each other and we make our decisions, not based on money, but on who is the saddest or hurt the most. I cannot remember a single decision that affected our marriage that we were not at least able to compromise on. We are a team committed to our marriage and each other. Our marriage and each other are put ahead of all else. That has worked well for us.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

LR100 said:


> This is EXACTLY the issue, the one @wilson brings up that people don't seem to understand. Simply turning over the rental to my husband and making it his problem could mean that the home will fall into disrepair and we'll lose equity! There is not a simple solution despite what people say. It's far from black & white!
> 
> I'm sure hoping there is a way to solve this, but a manager is not the solution (we've been down that road before and it was a disaster). At the very least, I'm hoping someone can suggest a way to talk to him that I haven't thought of, a way that might resonate with him.
> 
> ...


Are you SURE the house will fall into disrepair? Few people are that good at predicting the future. 

Of course there are no simple solutions - there never are. Every major decision you've faced in life was difficult and this is no different.

If it were me, I"d abstain from doing any work and let him know why and re-evaluate in a year. If the whole financial thing is less than, say, 20% of your net worth/income, then you have to evaluate if sacrificing your sanity is a penalty worth paying for a meager 20%.


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