# Why is he calling his ex-wife? He left her for me.Please read! I need advice.



## Beachnutz (Nov 16, 2013)

Just to be upfront, our relationship started when he was still married. He Left his wife for me. They have a 6 year old he loves very much. He acts like he hates his ex,s guts and says so.

I found out 3 Weeks ago he had called his ex crying telling her some disturbing things. That have upset Me a bit. Here are some things he said to his ex wife.

1. He told her he felt like killing himself 2 Weeks ago because of her (his ex )and that he is unhappy because of her. We have been together a year anda half his ex pays no attention to him and has moved on.

2. He said she has ruined his life. Once again he lives with me and his ex nevereven talks tohim unless about the child. 3.He said she has a hold on him, and in the next breath he says she doesn't.

3.He said to her because of her he can't love and respect me the way I deserve.

4.He called her some nasty names. Said she's a snake. Then he told her I

Give him sex everynight, and I do nice things for him. And that he never loved her. He only loved who he thought she was.

Why is he calling her? And why is he thinking of killing himself if he lives me and our life together? His ex is out of the picture. Hebought me a ring,we live together.He's been a father to My 2 girls. Plus he left his ex and never looked back now this?


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Beachnutz said:


> Just to be upfront, our relationship started when he was still married. He Left his wife for me. They have a 6 year old he loves very much. He acts like he hates his ex,s guts and says so.
> 
> I found out 3 Weeks ago he had called his ex crying telling her some disturbing things. That have upset Me a bit. Here are some things he said to his ex wife.
> 
> ...


okey I don't know if you are a troll, I hope not, but here it goes.

he probably was the classic man whose wife was withholding (sex, affections), and felt like she was neglecting him and taking him for granted, and instead of fixing his marriage or divorce doing the right thing, he cheated with you.

she (her wife) for what I see applied the 180 to detach from him and move on and focus on her child (good for her), this normally hurt the cheaters the most because they felt like their betrayed spouses didn't care for them (which is funny becuase they are the ones doing the hurting by cheating and leaving the family), as she is not begging or pleading to him, he is missing the validation that is old marriage was worth something, the truth is that her exwife is doing what is right for her, and her child, she probably avoid any kind of small talk, or any kind of encounter with him if is not related to her kid, which just make him more furious, because he is probably thinking that for her he is worth nothing to even cry, that is the reson for this kind of comments:



Beachnutz said:


> He told her he felt like killing himself 2 Weeks ago because of her (his ex )and that he is unhappy because of her, he said she has ruined his life. Once again he lives with me and his ex nevereven talks tohim unless about the child, he said to her because of her he can't love and respect me the way I deserve, He called her some nasty names, Said she's a snake.


what your "boyfriend" did was to seek validation outside the marriage for what he felt was missing, however the validation he needed was not from someone else but from his wife.

we have a user who had that situation here in TAM (Reegroup), he being the betrayed spouse, his wife cheated, left him for the other guy because she felt neglected and not loved enough, she moved to an appartment with the OM.

Just as your exw's boyfriend he also applied 180 to detach from her he did not beg or pled, and began to move on for the sake of his daughter, and her wife reaction was just as your boyfriend, constantly calling him seeking confrontation, telling him how he never loved her that is why she left, telling him that he ruined her life and that she did everything in the marriage but he never loved her half what she loved him, and "Reegroup" just answer with 180 and not being confrontational, which just make her ex more desesperate.

One time reegroup's cousin send a prank text to his ex from reegroup phone, telling her that he still loved her and that he was missing her, this make the ex crazy she did not sleep all the night and when she dicovered it was a prank from the cousin, it crushed her (funny because she is the cheater living with other man).

this is probably the same situation for your boyfriend, he still want the validation from her exwife, and probably will take really long time for him to move on from her (emotionally).

see this phrase what really means is the next:
*"He only loved who he thought she was = I still love you, why can't you change and be how I want you to be."*

you are probably not a bad person just someone who did a bad thing (being involved with a married man), just as Reegroup's OM seems also not to be a bad person (Reegroup has said the OM he seems in love with his wife and want to form a life with her).

to resume I have two news for you, one bad and one good

bad one: Probably if she wanted him back she can have him just by saying sweet words to his ear, like how she is going to change and take care of him and be loving and affectionate with him from now on.

good one: she probably is not going to take him back, so it depend on you if you can live knowing you are second best.

BTW: I am sure this is not the first time he have this kind of conversation with his wife.


----------



## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

> He said to her because of her he can't love and respect me the way I deserve.


Karma is a *****, aint it?

That being said. Keep in mind that all these things he says about his ex wife, he may be saying the same things about you to someone else.

I am personally distrustful of men who bash their exes for no good reason. Your now husband is the one who cheated on his first wife, not her. Ask yourself this question: Why does he bash his ex wife??

Having a child together creates a bond between two people. This bond can be love, hate, indifference but it is still a bond. It is very difficult to break. They had a history before he met you. 

I honestly don't know why I bothered responding to your post.... you made your bed now lie on it.


----------



## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

Beachnutz said:


> Just to be upfront, our relationship started when he was still married. He Left his wife for me. They have a 6 year old he loves very much. He acts like he hates his ex,s guts and says so.
> 
> I found out 3 Weeks ago he had called his ex crying telling her some disturbing things. That have upset Me a bit. Here are some things he said to his ex wife.
> 
> ...


His exwife detached and is doing the 180 perfectly. 

:rofl::lol: You think you deserve respect from him. 

Grass isn't so green on your side now is it.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

He showed you who he was when he cheated on his wife with you. It sounds as though he now regrets having done so and is trying to manipulate his wife into having him back, which hopefully (for her sake) she won't. 

Once again, he's really showing you who he is and this time I'd really listen if I were you...

Time to raise the bar, OP. For yourself and the men you choose.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Lesson: dont mess with a married man. Goal: develop higher self-respect.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Beachnutz said:


> I found out 3 Weeks ago he had called his ex crying telling her some disturbing things.
> 
> 3.He said to her because of her he can't love and respect me the way I deserve.
> 
> ...


^^ THIS. ^^

Why did this stand out to me?

Because you are with an emotionally volatile, unstable man. It sounds like he enjoys stirring the pot and getting a little drama brewing.

Never looked back, did he? Uh, no. He called her and dumped all over her. He has unfinished business with his ex. He is holding onto a ton of resentment. So, out it came.

This man doesn't respect you. Who the hell does he think he is telling HIS EX about the frequency of his sexual relations with you? Talk about not respecting the privacy of his relationship with you ...

And because OF HER, he cannot love or respect or love you the way he should.

Are you seriously buying into this b.s.??? He is not taking responsibility for his own actions and feelings! 

If you are posting a real story, I'm scratching my head as to why you are hanging onto this man.

He has some serious issues. Not to mention he doesn't sound emotionally mature.


----------



## NativeSun09 (Mar 28, 2013)

Beachnutz, you're a homewrecker. Sorry, but there's not much you can do to make your relationship better. He obviously regrets cheating on his wife and is irrationally blaming her for his indiscretions. Side note, Prodigal, did you actually read the first line? This chick brought this on herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

NativeSun09 said:


> Side note, Prodigal, did you actually read the first line? This chick brought this on herself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Side note, NS. I am responding to the questions the OP posed. She is with a cheater. I am merely enlightening her, I hope, on some of the aspects of her predicament.

Yeah, they taught all of us to read in law school ... even those of us sitting in the back of the class.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You are now living the old saying "you reap what you sow". 

Less than 5% of relationships that start as affairs make it long term. What do you think will happen if god forbid, your marriage hits a rough patch and sex drops off for a while. You think he'll hang around and work through it with you?

Based on his past behaviour, I think not. If they do it with you, they'll do it to you.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Some questions about you out of curiosity:

1. How old are you, your boyfriend and his wife?
2. When did you know that he was married?
3. Why did you continue the relationship when you knew he was married?
4. What made him decide to live with you?
5. Are you certain that he is working on getting a divorce.

A piece of advice here. One of my mother's friend was separated from her husband when he died. So she got the loot, not the long time girlfriend.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Beachnutz, hate is a strong emotion. In other words, he still has very strong feelings for her. 

His statement about not giving you the love and respect you deserve says volumes. His energy is too focused on her to be true to you. 

The big question, of course, is what to do with this information. He's not emotionally loyal to you, just as he was disloyal to her with you. Is this the kind of guy you want in your life? Because no matter what other good traits he offers, this is always going to be a part of his character.


----------



## amberash (May 21, 2013)

#1- Never trust a man who cheats WITH you- he will eventually cheat ON you. We're not 18 anymore, if a man is unhappy in a marriage either fix it, or get out. Cheating solves nothing.

#2- Beware of men who ever BASH their exes, especially ex-wives. When two grown adults divorce or don't work out, the mature thing is to learn from the break-up and understand that it took two to tango, no one is necessarily the bad person. Bashing an ex-wife/ex means there are still emotional ties and if he bashes her he will bash you! *I've learnt this.... The common-law bf (soon to be engaged) continuous bashed his ex-fiance.. after this I learnt he was screwing around with her on me, never had any intentions of being with her, but was a classic commitmentphobe- loved having different women for different purposes, emotional, to vent to them, back-up plans, etc.

#3- DONT waste your time with men who sneak around or talk to exes.. Exes are exes for a reason, besides having children with the person there is no reason to be in contact with an ex. And if there is contact due to a child, it should be upfront and there should be no worry of what they are saying, you should know 100% there is nothing going on there because this man makes you feel secure and safe.

#4- You cheated with him, not sure what you expecting of him to be honest... He's a liar and cheater and cheated on his ex-wife with whom he has a child.. You couldn't pay me to be with him. Not sure why you even put up with him.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Beachnutz said:


> Just to be upfront, our relationship started when he was still married. He Left his wife for me. They have a 6 year old he loves very much. He acts like he hates his ex,s guts and says so.
> 
> 2. He said she has ruined his life. Once again he lives with me and his ex nevereven talks tohim unless about the child.
> 
> ...


He is calling her beacuse he wants to. Your entire post is full of irony. Do you see that?

How he speaks ill of her, he will do the same to you. He can't stand her yet he calls her and tells her she ruined his life and he can't respect you?

He is dramatic. And sadly, you ended up with him. 

In the future, don't chase after married men. 

This guy sounds like a firecracker waiting to go off. Unattractive.

He will say the same exact things about YOU that he does about HER one day.


----------



## catchescatchcan (Nov 19, 2013)

my husband went searching for his firstlove without telling me he has been searching for her for years he found her he apologized for the way treatedher told her that he told me that he found her he did not he told her he was planning a trip after she showed him photos of the neighborhood where they grew up said he was planning a trip without his wife and daughter do you think he was planning on seeing her should I be concerned of him cheating he does not know that I read these emails she has no interest in meeting with him but it bothers me that he would persue her he did go away and while he was gone he sent me flowers which I thought at the time before I read these emails was very romantic what do you think was he hoping this woman would meet with him or something she lives nearby and right now we live 1200 miles away


----------

