# Just started to date but...



## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Hello! 

Well, I just made the transition from life after divorce to the dating scene! yay for me! well, sort of!  I am 28 btw.

It's been 1 year since my heartbreaking divorce, it took me a whole #@$! year to recover from it and even thinking about the word _dating_. Now, after moving to a different state and with less than 1 month of being here I am already having 2 dates. The first was fun, I liked the girl, she was cute but we all know that feeling that tells you that it will go nowhere from the moment one gets to know the other person. She is however very nice, somewhat fun and even asked me if I wanted to meet next week, and just for the sake of it I am.

Date number 2, I don't know what happened to me but I met this girl about 2 weeks ago, and honestly it was love at first sight, and even more when we started talking. We are soooo compatible, and seriously I don't exaggerate with compatibility or idealize anybody ever. We started talking and talked for a loooong time, we have seen each other a couple of times (not as a date date per se) and again we just hit it off amazingly. She is funny, gorgeous, kind, cute, thoughtful, my dream girl. So far so good, and we are going on a date in a couple of days.

Here is the problem, I am very excited but I am also VERY scared :scratchhead: I have been out of the market for such a long time, my divorce damaged me horribly, I became a different person. Now, I am VERY VERY well, I know I shouldn't think about the past believe me but I am scared, more because I really like this girl she is wonderful, she is the first girl I have been interested in 1 YEAR.

Anyway, I am just venting, it is ridiculous I know, she hasn't even turn me down or not even gone to the first true date with her and I feel like I need to breathe in a damn paper bag  yeap that's the way I feel.  I am just frustrated with myself indeed  and this comes from somebody that was super f'ing confident about himself not long ago.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

Don't be so hard on yourself man, sounds like you're kickin ass!:smthumbup:

Just let the worries/insecurities come and go, they're natural feelings right. Trust your gut and be yourself and enjoy yourself!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Enjoy the anxiety as a form of excitement--makes it less threatening, and that's at least 1/2 of what it is. 

Then, just take it slowly. Even though you think you have everything in common, you were both infatuated and may have been aiming to please each other--not intentionally. It takes time to know if you are really so compatible, at least several months. Pay close attention to the little things that reveal character. And if you have EVERYTHING in common and absolutely NO differences of opinion over a period of several months, someone isn't being honest with him/herself; could be her, don't forget.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

thanks for your responses,

that's right I gotta take things slowly, don't know, it's been years since I've felt this way, I say years because even before the separation/divorce we were no longer in love. I wasn't even looking for somebody, but it happens that I met her in a gathering. Anyway, I'll be seeing her tomorrow and take it from there. 

 if it's meant to happen it will happen, either way i am being myself and I guess that's what she likes, the problem is when I am alone and start over analyzing things


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Divorce changes you. It's kind of like becoming a member of some club you never wanted to be a part of.

So you are totally normal w/ what you are feeling about how you used to feel confident, how you're scared, how you are excited.

My advice: just go with it. Focus on the here and now and try not to drag your past into your present.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Yeah, 

It being part of that club sucks, that's the reason why I moved to a different state because I wanted to start over and now I don't even mention it. What's the point? hi my name is ___ and I got divorced last year? naaa.

Well let's see how that works, I saw her and chatted a bit but don't really know if it will work out, being back on the saddle of going out with people is hard and sometimes I am super excited and sometimes I pretty much want to quit. I guess until I find that person that will connect with me will change everything.

Don't know if it will be her or somebody else...

Thanks for your response JellyBeans, I will try to focus on the here, sometimes is hard though.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It IS hard but it's part of the process. There is actually no other alternative than to deal with it/go through it.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Yeah, hard it is...

I get really lonely even if I am with friends or family during holidays even Easter  Today is just not a good day, I know I gotta think about something else, enjoy life, blah blah blah but can't help it. Damn it , I don't have a worry in the world, I am young, I don't have monetary issues, I have friends even in this new city and still I cannot get to enjoy life completely. My divorce really f'kd me up


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Find some volunteer work for those times others spend with family. It will give you perspective!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The holidays are always the hardest. My first Xmas & NYE without hub was awful.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

Feeling better 

I feel the reason why I was so desperate was because I haven't felt this way in a long long time and I wanted to fall in love again, quickly, like in the movies. I am calmed now, I don't really know what happened but suddenly I just felt at peace. Don't know what's going to happen with this girl yet, I still have a huge crush on her but now I have realized that I should be patient. 

I still see her often, we are not dating or gone on a date, still whenever we see each other we spend hours talking, joking, teasing each other, and although we are around friends all the time we spend the majority of the time together on a 1-1 conversation. Don't know if she is the kind of girl that first needs to know the person before going on a date, or what other reasons for not going on a date with me but only time will tell. 

Anyway, even if nothing happens, I would still keep her as a friend, I value her being in my life, as a significant other or as a friend, doesn't matter


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Doesn't sound to me like you want to be in the Friend Zone ...

I give this advice to all of my friends that find themselves suddenly dropped back into the unfamiliar territory of the dating game ... buy a book.

I highly recommend getting a pickup artist book. If that makes you uncomfortable ... all the more reason you should buy a pickup artist book. 

I'm not advocating becoming a man-ho, but without question, there are very important lessons to be learned about attraction, and being successful at dating.

Let's face it, wouldn't you be just the tiniest bit ticked off, if tomorrow this girl were to tell you that she met some dreamy guy that she can't get her mind off of?


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