# What would you do?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

If...

- Your spouse and yourself seperated for a month now
- He/she wants you back, even though you gave them the ILYBNILWY speech
- He/she has done everything right so far, for you, for themselves, for everyone involved including your child - to lessen the pain and stop the whirlpool from swallowing what's left of your marriage
- You still have strong sexual chemistry with him/her
- He/she still shows that he/she cares

=/


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## pinkjacob (Nov 30, 2012)

It would depend on why you seperated I guess, I'm assuming you left him/her as you gave them the ilubnilwy speech, which to be fair I do not believe in at all, if you have been together any length of time.
I think that been 'in' love with someone is only at the beginning of a relationship, with the excitement and strong emotional feelings, as your relationship matures, so does the love so you are not nessecarily 'in' love but you love them, which is a much stronger thing but confuses people, the thing is this will be the case in any relationship you have in the future, realising you are not 'in' love anymore, so leave etc etc, I love my husband very much, but am not in love with him, we have grown together and the love grew, unfortunately he is under the impression that been 'in' love lasts forever, and so he will now enter the same cycle as I mentioned above.
Do you still love this person? Sex isn't everything, but if the chemistry is still there that's good, this person obviously still loves you and I'm betting the relationship means a lot to them, and to you otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question.
Do you have kids together, how long we're you together, how was the relationship in general? This would give a better view for other posters too.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well... she said the D word and I put it into overdrive - took the lead, we managed to seperate and now we're living apart, then she broke down so the whirlpool stopped at least, and now we're hanging on

We've been together 7 years, married for 4. The excitement and strong emotions lasted until d-day, when we finally reached the breaking point of our issues. I don't know what love is anymore, like you said, I am confused. Our relationship was full of dramas, and arguments, with passionate cycles of fights, STs, and makeup sex. Our sexual chemistry has always been strong and we've both kept each other fit... but it was just everything else.


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## pinkjacob (Nov 30, 2012)

Ok, sounds similar to my situation, we had lots of drama, a couple of minor splits, not lasting longer than a day at longest, then back together, this time has been 3 1/2 months which has actually resulted in me at least making the changes I should have done a long time ago, my husband has noticed this, but not sure what will happen with us. In my opinion, we have been through too much to just give up, a lot of our problems weren't self inflicted, but came from outside sources, not helped by my depression, low self opinion etc, I have learnt from my mistakes and am adamant I wouldn't make them again. I don't think that after the length of time you have been together that the love just goes, I do think that bad memories last longer because they cause the most pain, but I am sure you had plenty of good ones too, and that you had future plans together, the thing is she will move on, as will you, and all the things you had planned together, she will do with someone else, again as will you, but maybe if you think about the good things you had going for you and imagine the future without her it may bring some clarity, maybe you would meet someone better, no one knows what the future holds, but relationships are a lot of work, and I do think it is possible to get back the love, if it's what you both want.
Why not make a list of the good and bad things both of you did, and think about if you could change and what you would like her to change, then maybe speak to her to see if there is any moving forward, obviously taking it slow, not moving back in together straight away, get to know each other again, maybe hang out as friends first, have fun, date each other, make new good memories.

I hope this helps you some.
Good luck and keep us posted


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hmmm... may have to ponder on that, thanks.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

ILYBNILWY 

?? what is this? i prolly can make out some of it...i hate abbreviations..especially when being a newby...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ILYBNILWY: "I love you but not in love with you"


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> ILYBNILWY: "I love you but not in love with you"


gotcha...


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