# what men think about adoption?



## IGSIMB (Dec 17, 2013)

So My H told me if we couldn't have kids we would just live as partners to each other for the rest of our lives and that's that. 

He explained that it doesn't feel right to raise, invest in, someone else's genes. 

As a woman I feel motherly instinct towards almost all babies and I would gladly adopt one unwanted baby. There is no shortage for babies only for good parents  

My question is do most men feel this way? 

p.s. there has been some problems getting pregnant in my family so I can't help but wonder what are my options.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

IGSIMB said:


> So My H told me if we couldn't have kids we would just live as partners to each other for the rest of our lives and that's that.
> 
> He explained that it doesn't feel right to raise, invest in, someone else's genes.
> 
> ...


No, not at all. I see a child needing parents and a couple wanting a family. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I have heard about a few people wanting to go this route. Personally it really bothers me when people choose to spend 10s of thousands of dollars to get pregnant when mother nature (Darwin's survival of the fittest) doesn't want them to. 

I know this is a hotbed of opinions and this is likely the only time I will state this for that reason. I know those IVF babies are wanted and cared for which is more than we can say for the thousands in orphanages and foster care. 

BUT, as a child who was adopted, I must say my parents never treated me any differently than their birth child. My father was and is still a most supportive and loving father to me and my mother is my best friend. I am thankful every day that my birth mother chose to put me up for adoption vs. struggle and bring me up in a single parent home and that instead I ended up with people who have loved me as their own. 

I would like to think that once a man holds that baby that genes won't matter - that the helpless child looking up to him for love, reassurance, acceptance and the offer of unconditional love back would be enough for any man. But I know it isn't always the way it goes.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Nothing to it. Kids are kids, regardless of OEM


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I have two biological kids and a son I adopted when he was three. They are all grown, now. Babies are babies, kids are kids. I love them all. It's obviously not necessary to share genes to feel love. You don't share your husband's genes and I assume he loves you.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I know my husband doesn't feel this way. We had some minor issues getting pregnant at first and we talked about adoption. He was totally open to it whether it was a domestic adoption or international adoption. 

One of my good male friends (the horror! .. ;-)) has two daughters adopted from China. He also has a biological child with his wife. He loves all three of his children. I don't see any difference in the way he treats them. If anything, I think he spoils his daughters more than the son.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

We are all different and I do not think that you can generalize as to how men (or women) would react to a situation they have yet to face. 

I do not KNOW how I would feel towards an adopted child as I have never adopted but judging by the way in which some of the children that my wife takes care of have found their way into my thoughts and emotions I am guessing that it would be as easy to love them as it is to love my biological children if we had them with us full time.

N.B. One of the boys my wife has looked after for the last 7 years has cerebral palsy & epilepsy; he has come with us to family events, day at the beach, and church outings etc he really can tug at my heart strings.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Genetics don't make us parents. Parenting does.

I actually find myself still connected to, and at times parenting, a few children whose mother I dated briefly after my divorce. We got on great. Their mother turned out to be bat shyt crazy though. 



That said... Not to stir the pot with Enjoli... lol

My wife, wife 2.0, wants a child in the worst of ways. But she is hung up on the experience of pregnancy and birthing. Now nature hasn't been completely cruel to us. M y foolish adolescent decision(during awful marriage to wife 1.0) to get out of the gene pool however has proven a challenge in getting wifey preggers. So we find ourselves in IU, IVF and FET options. I'd opt to adopt right now if it were up to just me. But I know wifey really wants the pregnancy. 

So my caveat to adoption support is to be sure that having a child is your goal and not pregnancy. If your spouse is determined to experience those 9 months in the prison camps "Indigestion" and "Swollen ankles" then adoption may not fully satisfy her inclination to self destruction. lol


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Talking to my uncle about adoption, he said he thought he would see his adopted child differently than a biological one, but it all changed once he held his daughter. All the thoughts about the baby being adopted disappeared and she was his daughter. It didn't matter about genes. This was a baby whom he loved unconditionally. His worry/thoughts on adoption all changed once he held his little girl. 

I think it's normal to have some amount of 'worry' or feeling of being nervous about adoption. It's not exactly how many people planned to have their family, but it's still such a great option to look into. I have 7 adopted cousins and they are all family. They are no different than those who are genetically related to me. 

I talked to my husband about adoption before we got married as I have 3 aunts who could not get pregnant and we share some similar medical issues(endometriosis). He was a little apprehensive, but open to it. I wasn't worried about his reaction because I viewed it as normal. It's a big decision to make. Although my worry about not being able to get pregnant was unfounded, since we ended up unexpectedly pregnant shortly after we got married.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I have a bias against adoption for myself. It's not something I can explain or justify, it's just something I feel. But if I couldn't have my own genetic kids I would consider it.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

My DH had gotten a vasectomy when he was in his early 20s, without having kids. At the time we got together he was in his mid-30s. We tried a reversal first but it failed. We then moved onto IVF and it was successful. 

We had discussed adoption as an option. My DH did not, and does not, want to adopt. For him, it was either medically-assisted biological child(ren) or nothing. If my DH would agree, I would be on the phone today starting the adoption process. But, instead, we have one beautiful child to love, and I feel very lucky and grateful as is.


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