# Scared for the future, I need advice :(



## sadlostlonelyandconfused (Jan 24, 2011)

My husband and I have been married 2 years, and we have a child together. The last few months he's been miserable to be around. He's always in a bad mood, angry and depressed. He told me the other day he doesn't trust me, and isn't sure he ever has, yet I've never given him any reason not to. I've never been unfaithful or even considered it. I'm a sahm which I love, but being in the military, he says he sees so many sahms who cheat, etc. He snoops thru my things, my phone the computer social websites were both on looking for messages from guys, or some reason I'd be leaving him. He's so worried about it he can't get past it. He says as soon as he comes home and sees me he's in a bad mood. On the other hand he says he hates going to work because it's too far away from me. I'm so confused. He has incredible anger issues, 90% of his day he's angry. He won't open up and talk to me, so we spend the majority of our time not even talking, because he's so angry, and me talking pisses him off. I just never know what kind of mood he'll be in and I dread him coming home most days. He refuses to go to counseling and get help, no matter what I say or do. He won't go, the conversation alone makes him mad. If he refuses help and continues to act like this I'm scared the only thing I can do is leave. I can't let my child be exposed to his negativity and anger. Half the time he's unsure of who his father even is because he works so much. He refuses to leave the house unless it's to go to work. Is there any hope this can some how turn around if he refuses to get help? We only knew each a few months before getting married so maybe had I known him longer id have seen this coming. Are we too far gone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear how difficult your relationship is with your husband! 

Only you can answer the question, "Are we too far gone?" 

You might want to consider going to a counselor, even if your husband won't go with you. That may help you get some perspective about the relationship you have with your husband and what you want to do about it.

You don't mention this in your post, but are you scared of your husband?


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## sadlostlonelyandconfused (Jan 24, 2011)

sbbs said:


> I'm sorry to hear how difficult your relationship is with your husband!
> 
> Only you can answer the question, "Are we too far gone?"
> 
> ...


Thank you for your reply, I am actively looking for therapy on my own. I wouldn't say I'm scared of him, but there are certain things he says and does that do scare me. Not that I think he'd abuse me in any way, just make me nervous almost for what he'd do to himself if I left. I mostly feel like crap, like nothing I say or donate the right thing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

My question is how did you end up marrying someone like that? I have to assume he hasent always been like this because most woman wouldnt even talk to a guy who is so angry and has such low self esteem. 

So there has to be something that has triggered this behavior. If he wont go to therapy then I'm not sure he'll ever get bette on his own. Your therapist might be able to give you some tips but since he doest trust you he might not even listen to what you have to say. 

Has he ever been cheated on before? Or maybe he was abused some how as a child? There has to be some reason for this behavior. And until you can figure out what it is, making any progress will be very hard. 

Did you say you are in the military or is he? I'm AD Air Force and they are very good about working with you to help family issues. I wold recomend talking to your First Sergeant. 

And dont worry you are doing the right thing. You care about him, you love him, and you want the best for him.. Looking for help is the right thing to do. 

What is a sahm?


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## jmfabulous (Jan 19, 2011)

sadlostlonelyandconfused said:


> Thank you for your reply, I am actively looking for therapy on my own. I wouldn't say I'm scared of him, but there are certain things he says and does that do scare me. Not that I think he'd abuse me in any way, just make me nervous almost for what he'd do to himself if I left. I mostly feel like crap, like nothing I say or donate the right thing
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sorry you are going through this. You say that he wouldn't abuse you, but he is. Power, control, and manipulation are tough, imagine living like this 15 years down the road?

My suggestion is to get some help for yourself, and encourage him to get some help with his anger, depression, and anxiety.


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