# Clitoris to start, then move to G Spot, or?



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Sorry for a very mechanical question, obviously for the ladies. My wife doesn't O easily; once a week, sometimes twice. PIV does not get the job done; pretty much the opposite. It's generally all about the tongue. If an afterburner is required to get the job done, digital stimulation of the G Spot will generally do the trick. But here's the question-

Is the G Spot O something so distinct it can be gone for first, or do you need to get to an elevated state of arousal before going there? I've never tried it as a first thing. But I've been reading that C vs G are two very distinctly different types of O. Previously I'd assumed that G was what put the C effort "over the top" as it were.

Making any sense here? My wife is very capable of multiple Os at least half the time. All stimulation provided by me. Yes, I would like it if she would help, since that might open up some opportunities during PIV, but she's highly resistant and generally not even willing to try to get to O unless she's in the mood and it's been a few days.

Thanks for any help. Feel funny asking, to be sure!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Casual Observer said:


> Sorry for a very mechanical question, obviously for the ladies. My wife doesn't O easily; once a week, sometimes twice. PIV does not get the job done; pretty much the opposite. It's generally all about the tongue. If an afterburner is required to get the job done, digital stimulation of the G Spot will generally do the trick. But here's the question-
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Wife says the two feelings are quite distinct. Clitoris orgasm is more localised and g spot orgasm goes through her whole body. She claims neither is better than the other.
Other women mentioned that nerve endings from clit go all over the place and g spot feeling is just extension of clit. But I’m not sure.
Either way, don’t start with either, start with the brain  Best way to get a woman aroused 




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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> Sorry for a very mechanical question, obviously for the ladies. My wife doesn't O easily; once a week, sometimes twice. PIV does not get the job done; pretty much the opposite. It's generally all about the tongue. If an afterburner is required to get the job done, digital stimulation of the G Spot will generally do the trick. But here's the question-
> 
> Is the G Spot O something so distinct it can be gone for first, or do you need to get to an elevated state of arousal before going there? I've never tried it as a first thing. But I've been reading that C vs G are two very distinctly different types of O. Previously I'd assumed that G was what put the C effort "over the top" as it were.
> 
> ...


For ME, the elevated state does not come from the physical stimulation alone, or even primarily. I O from PIV when my brain and body are connected. Or from clit stim. I can O from straight clit stim without much mental engagement which might seem to confuse the issue. 

But since you are asking strictly about the physical, I have never ever ever had an orgasm from g-spot stim absent the mental. You can drill on my g-spot all day long and eventually I will just get bored and tired. 


I am sorry you feel funny asking!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Listen to IN MY PRIME, it's a brain thing


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Also a LOT of variation between women - and often variation for the same woman what she prefers each time. (same for men - if you asked a man what they liked, in many cases it would be different things at different times). Many people like variation in sexual activities.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Is your wife bothered by not always having an orgasm, or is this your issue?


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Is your wife bothered by not always having an orgasm, or is this your issue?


Good question, I struggle with this part too

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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> Is your wife bothered by not always having an orgasm, or is this your issue?


My wife is very frustrated if we start down that road and it doesn't happen. It's like, why did I even bother? It annoys her. So it's risky for me. If I wait long enough, say, a week, then it's pretty much a guarantee things come into alignment. Twice a week is often but not always OK. Which is why I was thinking of changing things around a bit, if it might work. But I have a feeling it would end up more along the lines of "What are you trying to do down there? And why?" 

And, there is no question that she doesn't really feel good about sex feeling good. Some of the baggage from the past, before we met, which I'd discussed elsewhere. Our relationship was a successful attempt on her part to start over and do things the right way (in accordance to her beliefs, which she doesn't feel she honored during her dating period prior to meeting me). We're successfully (I think) working on this. I'm just looking for some help to make me irresistible. Yeah, right! As someone else pointed out, it's what's going on upstairs, not downstairs, that determines such things as we're talking about here.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> Sorry for a very mechanical question, obviously for the ladies. My wife doesn't O easily; once a week, sometimes twice. PIV does not get the job done; pretty much the opposite. It's generally all about the tongue. If an afterburner is required to get the job done, digital stimulation of the G Spot will generally do the trick. But here's the question-
> 
> Is the G Spot O something so distinct it can be gone for first, or do you need to get to an elevated state of arousal before going there? I've never tried it as a first thing. But I've been reading that C vs G are two very distinctly different types of O. Previously I'd assumed that G was what put the C effort "over the top" as it were.
> 
> ...


I read about this test you can do on any woman: 
If she lies on her back and open her legs to let you measure the distance between the top end of he vaginal opening to the bottom end of her clitoris if you can find it. 
If that distance is more than 30 millimetres, then it is difficult for her to get an orgasm from penetration. If less that it is more likely. If more than 30 mm then include other methods


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> I read about this test you can do on any woman:
> 
> If she lies on her back and open her legs to let you measure the distance between the top end of he vaginal opening to the bottom end of her clitoris if you can find it.
> 
> If that distance is more than 30 millimetres, then it is difficult for her to get an orgasm from penetration. If less that it is more likely. If more than 30 mm then include other methods



How much should the distance be between her ass and clitoris? Because she sometimes orgasms from that.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

InMyPrime said:


> How much should the distance be between her ass and clitoris? Because she sometimes orgasms from that.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I really do not know. I just read about the other distance and there seems many articles about that but they do not give enough information.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Casual Observer said:


> Sorry for a very mechanical question, obviously for the ladies. *My wife doesn't O easily;* once a week, sometimes twice. PIV does not get the job done; pretty much the opposite.


More important than an orgasm is to ask your wife if she indeed wants one. If so, great! If not, she may begin to feel frustrated if you are trying every trick in the book and it just isn't happening. 

For some women orgasms or goal driven sex is just not that important. Same goes for men. If a guy has performance anxiety and becomes anorgasmic, it is important to remove the goals of lovemaking, take the focus off of performance and try to focus on relaxing and enjoying gentle pleasure. 

You will probably stand to learn way more about your wife intimately if you try lovemaking without orgasm for both of you. OK if it happens, but honestly try to slow down, relax, avoid getting too worked up and see what happens! 

Regards,
Badsanta


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

About 75% of women cannot organism from PIV. So if your wife can't, that's pretty normal. A large percentage of women do not experience anything that like what is called a g-spot. Medical researchers cannot find anything, even after using all sorts of scans, looking at tissue from the supposed area in under a microscope... nothing. 

But if your wife responds to something then, she does.

I think that you are being way to clinical about this. Doing things exactly the same every time leads to boredom. Mix it up. Sometimes start with one. Sometimes start with the other. Also, and most of all, talk to your wife about what she likes and wants. It does not really matter what anyone here says.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Casual Observer said:


> My wife is very frustrated if we start down that road and it doesn't happen. It's like, why did I even bother? It annoys her. So it's risky for me. If I wait long enough, say, a week, then it's pretty much a guarantee things come into alignment. Twice a week is often but not always OK. Which is why I was thinking of changing things around a bit, if it might work. But I have a feeling it would end up more along the lines of "What are you trying to do down there? And why?"
> 
> And, there is no question that she doesn't really feel good about sex feeling good. Some of the baggage from the past, before we met, which I'd discussed elsewhere. Our relationship was a successful attempt on her part to start over and do things the right way (in accordance to her beliefs, which she doesn't feel she honored during her dating period prior to meeting me). We're successfully (I think) working on this. I'm just looking for some help to make me irresistible. Yeah, right! As someone else pointed out, it's what's going on upstairs, not downstairs, that determines such things as we're talking about here.


Looking for some help to make you irresistible.

I get it. But that’s not how it’s going to work for her. You being irresistible has to do with your presence and the sexual vibe between you two. Giving her more or different orgasms may seem like the key, but since you already know that doesn’t happen easily for her, I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.

Do you want her to show passion for you and be enthusiastic about sex with you? Or do you want her to just want you to get her off and for her to be eager for that? I can tell you that me being eager for an O is not the same thing as being eager for and finding my man irresistible.

I know you probably already have, but this topic requires “a talk”. She is the one who you need to get to know. And if you go about it trying to get to know how to get her off more when she hasn’t asked for that, then you are not reading her correctly. Granted, she needs to speak up. But she needs to tell you herself what you could do to help her find you irresistible.

And if she says I love you and you know that and this is the best I can do, you could ask her to go to a sex therapist and see if that helps her at least understand better what you want. (Which I hope and assume is not to just get her off).


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

badsanta said:


> More important than an orgasm is to ask your wife if she indeed wants one. If so, great! If not, she may begin to feel frustrated if you are trying every trick in the book and it just isn't happening.
> 
> For some women orgasms or goal driven sex is just not that important. Same goes for men. If a guy has performance anxiety and becomes anorgasmic, it is important to remove the goals of lovemaking, take the focus off of performance and try to focus on relaxing and enjoying gentle pleasure.
> 
> ...


Mad love.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Looking for some help to make you irresistible.
> 
> I get it. But that’s not how it’s going to work for her. You being irresistible has to do with your presence and the sexual vibe between you two. Giving her more or different orgasms may seem like the key, but since you already know that doesn’t happen easily for her, I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.
> 
> Do you want her to show passion for you and be enthusiastic about sex with you? Or do you want her to just want you to get her off and for her to be eager for that? I can tell you that me being eager for an O is not the same thing as being eager for and finding my man irresistible.


Amen and alleluia.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Casual Observer said:


> ... Is the G Spot O something so distinct it can be gone for first, or do you need to get to an elevated state of arousal before going there? I've never tried it as a first thing. But I've been reading that C vs G are two very distinctly different types of O. Previously I'd assumed that G was what put the C effort "over the top" as it were.
> 
> Making any sense here? My wife is very capable of multiple Os at least half the time. All stimulation provided by me. Yes, I would like it if she would help, since that might open up some opportunities during PIV, but she's highly resistant and generally not even willing to try to get to O unless she's in the mood and it's been a few days.
> 
> Thanks for any help. Feel funny asking, to be sure!


You know, @Casual Observer, I actually thought about this yesterday because I wanted to be sure to understand what you were asking and then think about my answer and how I'd answer. 

This is just how it is FOR ME...your lady may be quite different...but I think putting all this emphasis on O's and multiple O's would drive me crazy. 

First, for me if someone goes for the C to get me started and then in the middle switches it up and tries for G...well it's like starting all over again at square 1 and it's frustrating. For me, each one is entirely a different orgasm, so it's not like one way warms me up and gets me in the mood to finish the other way. Nope! It's more like pick one (or let me tell you the one I want) and go all the way. I mean C is C...keep going on that until I scream.  G is G...I can hit high C on that one, but keep going until I sing. Switching from C to G in the middle would feel like building up to about 75% and feeling pretty darn randy and then bottoming out/starting over a 0%. Not cool. 

Second, for me, orgasming is about 90% mental. I am fairly lucky--I am a pretty sensual lady and I think I go around about 50% turned on most any day. That means mentally I can get into the mood and orgasm relatively quickly and easily. But if I am stressed or just thinking about other things, going from 0-100 is tough and my mind can't get into it. No mind...no O. And that doesn't mean it doesn't feel good or that I'm not satisfied...it just means that to hit the peak I have to have a clear mind and be "in the moment" to get my own self into it. Thus, I can honestly say that I don't want or need to orgasm every single time I have sex. I often very much enjoy the closeness, physicality, passion, desire, and flesh pleasure of it all. On the other hand, some days you could blow a kiss my general direction and I'd O. 

Third, for me, I don't find a gentleman irresistible because he give me C or G or deep vaginal orgasms. That's just technique and honestly, if somenoe learned a techniqe they could execute that technique on anyone. What make a gent irresistible to me is if he loves me. Someone who takes the time to find out how my love language and shows me all day long that I'm loved ... in MY love language. Someone who shows interest in me. Someone who cares about me as a person. Someone who is a partner and not a tyrant or a doormat. Someone who doesn't just have sex with me, but makes love. See the difference?

So I don't think it matters "what order" or even if you just pick one and do that one. I think it does matter that she has indicated she prefers one every few days and yet you're pressing to give her more than she likes. I think that you sounds like you are thinking of yourself and your sexual ego instead of her...and honestly that would put me off WAAAAAY more than some technique.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Affaircare said:


> You know, @Casual Observer, I actually thought about this yesterday because I wanted to be sure to understand what you were asking and then think about my answer and how I'd answer.
> 
> This is just how it is FOR ME...your lady may be quite different...but I think putting all this emphasis on O's and multiple O's would drive me crazy.
> 
> ...


Sounds about right. Thanks for sharing.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Mad love.


Here is a good book on the topic for those that want to read...

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Slow-Sex/Diana-Richardson/9781594773679


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

There's almost nothing I disagree with that's been posted, and I think, and perhaps this is defensive posturing on my part, that people are reading WAY too much into my question! It was more about simple mechanics than a need to deeply understand the ins & outs of the big O and how it has more to do with the relationship as a whole than a particular moment in time. It's absolutely all about the mind. After 42 years with this woman, yes, I know that. But there was a really simple desire to understand C vs G and whether they're part of the same, cumulative, or what. Because I'm a guy and I didn't want to "experiment" on my wife first without having some idea. Again, 42 years and yes, really embarrassing that I just don't/didn't know. Thanks-


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Casual Observer said:


> There's almost nothing I disagree with that's been posted, and I think, and perhaps this is defensive posturing on my part, that people are reading WAY too much into my question! It was more about simple mechanics than a need to deeply understand the ins & outs of the big O and how it has more to do with the relationship as a whole than a particular moment in time. It's absolutely all about the mind. After 42 years with this woman, yes, I know that. But there was a really simple desire to understand C vs G and whether they're part of the same, cumulative, or what. Because I'm a guy and I didn't want to "experiment" on my wife first without having some idea. Again, 42 years and yes, really embarrassing that I just don't/didn't know. Thanks-


No to vs. Yes to same, cumulative and different. Helpful?  In my experience, all of those things can be true.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

I still think that orgasms cannot be caused simply by what another person does to me. I have to be into getting one myself, whatever the other person is actually doing. I have to understand my body and know what I want and like to happen. The fact that sometimes orgasms happen when with spouse is not proof that spouse can cause an orgasm. I could easily have more orgasms on my own than with him. 

To me it is much better for my husband to think about a minimum of 8 minutes than causing me an orgasm. It might not happen but I would still really really enjoy the session. Also it might happen later. I think the woman's current attitude to the whole thing plays a bigger part than whether or not the man is inside her. I do not think our husbands should be obsessed with our orgasms but I would like mine to take a lot of time whatever my outcome.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

MaiChi said:


> I still think that orgasms cannot be caused simply by what another person does to me. I have to be into getting one myself, whatever the other person is actually doing. I have to understand my body and know what I want and like to happen. The fact that sometimes orgasms happen when with spouse is not proof that spouse can cause an orgasm. I could easily have more orgasms on my own than with him.
> 
> 
> 
> To me it is much better for my husband to think about a minimum of 8 minutes than causing me an orgasm. It might not happen but I would still really really enjoy the session. Also it might happen later. I think the woman's current attitude to the whole thing plays a bigger part than whether or not the man is inside her. I do not think our husbands should be obsessed with our orgasms but I would like mine to take a lot of time whatever my outcome.



For that to happen, I think men first need to understand what it is exactly you have written in the first paragraph! That’s exactly what I said on another thread. 
I always joke how I give myself a medal when I make my wife come. ‘Cos it’s so ridiculous!
SHE makes my wife come! (I mean herself). Ok i play a part but it is way smaller than men imagine it to be.
(Ok that came out wrong: my ‘part’ is large and girthy of course!).



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