# Suggestions for upping the ALPHA ?



## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Besides going out and killing a moose while wearing only a loin cloth and using a knife made of whale bone what kind of other things can men do to up the ALPHA?


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Grunt alot. Demand your needs be met. Maybe throw a tantrum once in a while when you dont get your way. Tell yourself that you are the most attractive male in the area - eventually you will believe it. Dont forget to be imposing and c0cksure. Lay down the law and tell it like it is. Dont wear deoderant and be loud. The moose thing wouldnt hurt. Take the muffler off your hog and roar through the neighborhood at 5:30am.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I bought a set of drums the other day, gonna make some loud noise and piss off the neighbours.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Lon said:


> I bought a set of drums the other day, gonna make some loud noise and piss off the neighbours.


Make sure to do plenty of grunting and no deodorant. Buy the biggest drums sticks you can find. Tape curse words to the drums skins and see how many ways you can make the words sound like a good insult. RAWK!


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

Can I join the group of nerds alpha bashing if I grunt in my *deepest* tone of voice?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Quite simply?

Choose something you are uncomfortable with, or fear ... and overcome it.

Good places to consider:

Starting a conversation with a stranger, preferably a woman.

Next time someone says something you don't like or don't approve of, state as much. 

Make a commitment to something ... and keep it.

None of these things turn you into an Alpha sex-pot. All or any of them will make you a better person and a better man.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

MYM1430 said:


> Can I join the group of nerds alpha bashing if I grunt in my *deepest* tone of voice?


Only when your scrubbing the floor. You must demand I look at the job once your done.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Be the leader of your pack. Tell other people you're doing "that" and "this", take control. Make people notice some latent aggression power without actually acting and looking like a psychopath. 

Work out, buff up. Speak with confidence at all times or be silent. Don't stutter. Take no disrespect home. But be sure to be able to tell disrespect from youthful fooling around. Learn to take a joke but make it so people have little to joke about.

Don't put women above your pride. Refuse to be "friend-zoned". If you're married don't let your woman boss you around. Make her ask instead of command. 

Then kill a bear with your bare hands while naked.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Note: Flinging feces is NEVER an acceptable display of alpha behavior.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

CanadianGuy said:


> Make sure to do plenty of grunting and no deodorant. Buy the biggest drums sticks you can find. Tape curse words to the drums skins and see how many ways you can make the words sound like a good insult. RAWK!


I bought them with the band name Venus Joy taped on the bass drum with masking tape.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

don't think about how to be alpha

just be you and don't concern yourself with what the world thinks of you

THAT is motherf*cking alpha


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> don't think about how to be alpha
> 
> just be you and don't concern yourself with what the world thinks of you
> 
> THAT is motherf*cking alpha



Well said.:smthumbup:


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

"Do what you do. And don't f*cking care if they like it."
Tina Fey, an alpha woman if ever there was one.


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> don't think about how to be alpha
> 
> *just be you and don't concern yourself with what the world thinks of you*
> THAT is motherf*cking alpha


 I think there's another thread calling people who do this OMEGA
LOL.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Dollystanford said:


> don't think about how to be alpha
> 
> just be you and don't concern yourself with what the world thinks of you
> 
> THAT is motherf*cking alpha


I will supplement this motherf*king awesome advice by stating one of the things I did was come up with my own personal code of conduct.

My own personal rulebook regardless of what others may think, or do. It is like holding yourself accountable.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> Grunt alot.


You mean like this?


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## BookOfJob (Jul 6, 2012)

Deejo's suggestion on doing something we're afraid of is 'radical'. I think I will try to internalize it. If I try bungee jumping, would that count?

Joking aside, NMMNG states that letting go and embrace the chaos in this universe (like no need to plan too far ahead in everything). So that's a good thing too. Halien has pointed out competitive attitude (at work and others) is another good thing.

I suppose I am not a big fan of getting the list defined by a female. However, maybe this one is articulated pretty good as a practical reference:

1. Don't let it all out - emotional restraint
2. Learn to say "No" - lay boundaries
3. Get your sheet together - make money with what your passionate about
4. Recognize traditional roles for male and female - like man opening door for a lady, women cook, men fix cars, etc
5. Healthy body, healthy mind - exercise
6. Dress in a way you're proud of - boost confidence
7. Engage in manly activities - time for ourselves

Taken from:
Hot Alpha Female » Blog Archive » Become A Man

There was a post from MEM somewhere in this forum too in another thread that shows some practical avenues too. I'll find it if I get a chance but the above gives concrete 7 points to remember. I try to memorize them so they become second nature for me and help me practice them everyday.

It is good that this topic is brought up from time to time in this forum. Can't say that there's a lack of dicussion on this matter though.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

The only way to up your ALPHA is to know exactly what you want ,go for it, and never back down when you'e right.

This has been my experience. That is the only way you will get respect.

I have a business. 
We do jobs for lots of companies.
I did a job six months ago for a very large company, and they refused to pay me MY money which is a substantial amount.
Everytime I enquire politely they give me the run around.

So yesterday I decide to " up my ALPHA " and put on my 
" Stewie Costume"
I call the accounts department.
Me;
" Hello , good afternoon, I am Mr. ..... and I am calling concerning a payment for * company's name *.When can I come and collect it?"
Girl on the line :
" Mr. ......,have you sent in all your documents?"
Me;
" Yes I have, over six months ago.."
Girl on the line :
* In a bythcy tone *
"..well I don't see anything here for you sir,so you will have to send the information back in again.."
Me:
" No. I am not going over this process again. I want my money."
Girl on the line:
* bytchy annoying tone *
" Sir, I already told you that you will have to.....* I interrupt *.."
Me;
" No.no,no . YOU LISTEN TO ME. I want my fvcking money TODAY. put me on to the accounts manager NOW please."
Girl on line;
" He's on another call sir.."
Me:
" Ok.., so you all want to play games? Tell your manager after he comes off the phone that I'm comming in for my money THIS AFTERNOON."

I then cut off the call, jump in my car and begin to head down to the office.
I call back the accounts dept., and talk to another girl who is frantically searching the computer trying to placate me.
I hang up again.

Then the manager calls me.

Me;
" Hello?"
Manager:
" Good afternoon Mr......., my humblest apologies. We do have your cheque ready but it needs one more signature....* I interrupt & cut him short*" .
Me:
In a slow, terse, measured response.
".What time today can I collect my cheque?"
Manager:
" Errrr ,I'm sorry sir,but it won't be ready today because that director is not in office.."
Me:
"What's your name sir?"
Manager:
" Mr........ "
Me:
" Mr......I would come to collect my cheque by noon tomorrow,have a nice afternoon.'

*By 11.00 AM this morning, I got a call from the same bytchy girl saying that my cheque was ready.*


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> The only way to up your ALPHA is to know exactly what you want ,go for it, and never back down when you'e right.
> 
> This has been my experience. That is the only way you will get respect.
> 
> ...


CM, drives me NUTS how many business owners would back down faced with that situation! I had a client pull shenanigans like that with me once, I dropped them, and it wasn't until 7 years later when the purchasing manager herself called me and asked if we could do business again that I did. She now handles everything personally, no more "lost" payments or run around. (They were my largest client, btw). Thing is, if they don't want to pay, they aren't doing you any good anyway, so why deal with them. 

An acquaintance owned a local business, now closed, because he allowed too many large accounts to owe him, then accepted the stories they concocted, and extended more credit.... Finally the whole thing collapsed on him, and he now works for what was his competitor.

As a business person, you either alpha up or disappear....


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> An acquaintance owned a local business, now closed, because he allowed too many large accounts to owe him, then accepted the stories they concocted, and extended more credit.... *Finally the whole thing collapsed on him, and he now works for what was his competitor.*
> 
> As a business person, you either alpha up or disappear....


^^^^^^^^^
That is the ultimate disrespect in business. But sadly it happens to a lot of men.
They loose their respect,then their business , then their wife / women, then their family.
The same rule applies to life.
That's why I always say ," never take disrespect."

My brother in law used to work for one of the richest men in the Caribbean as a director in one of his companies.
This man is a billionaire. An old immigrant who fled civil war in Lebanon decades ago and came here to live. He was very successful in business. He was not educated,but he hired highly qualified men to run his business interest. His business empire stretches from Miami throughout the Caribbean , Central and South America.
So my brother in law gave me this account of what happened once on a crucial board meeting where they were discussing a " hostile take over" of a competing business in Jamaica .
The old man gave my BIL specific instructions on how he wanted the outcome of the board meeting to be. Everyone must say yes to the takeover. 
Everyone voted no,and started giving all their reasons, blah,blah blah. Meeting rambling on.
My BIL reports back to the old man. He instructs him to call another board meeting and he will come and address the meeting.
Next meeting the old man comes into the meeting, sits at the head of the table, and addresses everyone about the strategic importance of the takeover etc. Men begin to object citing performance reports, economic outlook in Jamaica blah,blah. blah.
After about 15 mins, old man opens his briefcase , takes out a prepared document regarding the bid to acquire the shares,and reads it. Everybody looks at him as if he's crazy and starts to mumble, a few chuckles. 
Old man takes out another document , an unsigned letter of resignation, and reads it. 
He takes out his Sig Sauer handgun from his briefcase, places it on the table and passes both documents around .
Everybody signed on the " bid to acquire the shares" document, and the resignation document came back empty.

Today that company is the largest supplier of its products to the Caribbean and Central America.

Now,if that aint Alpha,I don't know what is!
And he's an old man!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> He takes out his Sig Sauer handgun from his briefcase, places it on the table and passes both documents around .
> Everybody signed on the " bid to acquire the shares" document, and the resignation document came back empty.


Unbelievable, had I been there, there would have been ONE signature on the resignation document...mine.

And I would have been happy to tell the old man, "You didn't hire me to be a yes-woman. You hired me to look out for the best interests of this company and to work hard doing that. I don't agree and I'm not signing. I walked into this company looking for a job, and I will walk out looking for one again."

Then I would have gotten up and left. (Wouldn't be the first time I've REFUSED to be bullied into going along with management decisions that were NOT in the company's best interest.) That is the only way I can sleep well at night.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

There is no doubt in my mind that that old man is a gangster and his earnings illegal. He certainly operates his company in illegal ways right at the very top.


Of course the documents the directors signed have no standing in a court of law. He is operating his company illegally.


What you talk of is not alpha in the sense spoken of in TAM, within a marriage. What does he do when he wants sex, put a gun to his wife’s head and threaten to blow her brains out if she doesn’t comply? Come on for goodness sake get real.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Unbelievable, had I been there, there would have been ONE signature on the resignation document...mine.
> 
> And I would have been happy to tell the old man, "You didn't hire me to be a yes-woman. You hired me to look out for the best interests of this company and to work hard doing that. I don't agree and I'm not signing. I walked into this company looking for a job, and I will walk out looking for one again."
> 
> Then I would have gotten up and left. (Wouldn't be the first time I've REFUSED to be bullied into going along with management decisions that were NOT in the company's best interest.) That is the only way I can sleep well at night.


*"......Today that company is the largest supplier of its products to the Caribbean and Central America......."*
^^^^^^^^
This part here is what makes him Alpha.

Knowing when to take a gamble and STAND BY IT.

Whether or not they resigned was inconsequential to his success. He was focused on what he wanted,he saw the end game,whilst they couldn't even see the game.
If they signed he wins.
And even if they all resigned he _still_ wins.
He saw the bigger picture .

Signing the document didn't make them " yes men." They were " yes men" even before. 
They refused to see the opportunity, and TAKE THE RISK because they were AFRAID of the outcome. They were the highly paid professionals,he was the poor , uneducated immigrant , AND HE GOT IT RIGHT.
They laughed at him at the beginning of the meeting
That was disrespect.

He built the organization from ground up.
That's what makes him ALPHA.

Also, one of his sons was on that board.
He fired him and bought in another guy from Germany to replace him.
Money doesn't guarantee success in business, but Alpha is necessary to be a real success in any competitive business environment.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

AFEH said:


> There is no doubt in my mind that that old man is a gangster and his earnings illegal. He certainly operates his company in illegal ways right at the very top.
> 
> 
> Of course the documents the directors signed have no standing in a court of law. He is operating his company illegally.
> ...


AFEH,
The corporate business world and marriage are two different things.
But the principle of Alpha in both remains the same.

Of course the document could not stand in a court of law.And they all had the option to resign.
But he would still have won. All he had to do is reconstruct the board and get the required quorum . 
He is the top dog.
His main objective was to be the main supplier of a certain commodity in the region. His competitors were in financial trouble.
He saw his best opportunity.
They saw only financial burden and debt.

The idea is;
Aggression , Assertiveness and Confidence even in the face of overwhelming odds.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> AFEH,
> The corporate business world and marriage are two different things.
> But the principle of Alpha in both remains the same.
> 
> Aggression , Assertiveness and Confidence even in the face of overwhelming odds.


So what’s the moral of your story in relation to the thread? That CG gets himself a gun and threatens to blow his wife’s brains out if she doesn’t give him more sex?


Had all the sex I ever wanted without being your type of alpha male. In my world aggression is the last thing that gets me sex in the way I want it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

AFEH said:


> So what’s the moral of your story in relation to the thread? That CG gets himself a gun and threatens to blow his wife’s brains out if she doesn’t give him more sex?
> 
> 
> Had all the sex I ever wanted without being your type of alpha male. In my world aggression is the last thing that gets me sex in the way I want it.


I don't get that this thread was about simply getting more sex...
I think its about getting more respect and not being a pushover.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> I don't get that this thread was about simply getting more sex...
> I think its about getting more respect and not being a pushover.


CG complains about the lack of sex in his marriage in another thread.

But as to whether it’s about sex or other things, aggression has no role to play in a marriage. Period. End of.



I can’t believe you truly advocate what you are saying here. Don’t get your way in your marriage? Get a gun and force the issue.



The guy who seems to be somewhat your hero is not running a legitimate company. His company is operated illegally, at the end of a gun!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

AFEH said:


> CG complains about the lack of sex in his marriage in another thread.
> 
> But as to whether it’s about sex or other things, aggression has no role to play in a marriage. Period. End of.
> 
> ...


AFEH,
I believe you're missing the point.
Maybe you could go back up and read my initial post of how I finally got to collect my cheque after six months of being run around.
Because I wasn't aggressive enough,they tried to screw me over.
I could have hired a lawyer,the case would have dragged on in the courts, and I would have lost my business.
Me showing aggression GOT ME MY MONEY.

Me showing aggression also got me some good sex last night because when I told my wife I finally got that cheque, she looked me in the eye and said:

"That's *my* man."


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> AFEH,
> I believe you're missing the point.
> Maybe you could go back up and read my initial post of how I finally got to collect my cheque after six months of being run around.
> Because I wasn't aggressive enough,they tried to screw me over.
> ...


Yes, but you see you have the wrong processes in place for your account receivables. It’s no way to run a business, just like your alpha hero. But that’s way off topic.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

AFEH said:


> What you talk of is not alpha in the sense spoken of in TAM, within a marriage. What does he do when he wants sex, put a gun to his wife’s head and threaten to blow her brains out if she doesn’t comply? Come on for goodness sake get real.


I agree, this is not what the "alpha" people here on TAM seem to talk about. However to me it is exactly what pure alpha is - the guy got exactly what he wanted by whatever means necessary. He commanded their respect (yes in this case by intimidation and threat of fatal and illegal force). He was top dog.

This is why I was trying to argue in the other thread that I, and other guys with morals really aren't after being "alpha", all we want is to take the assertiveness and confidence traits of one and use them in an way that integrates with our kinder beta traits (ie the golden rule - do unto others) since it fit in better with our moral fiber that most people in this world have.

I have no choice to accept the continued misuse of (as how I have come to understand) the pure alpha socio-status, just wanted to point out how I perceive it when men and women on here are describing alpha guys as strong, kind, compassionate, and assertive. I mean the whole reason we use those greek letters in this way is to differentiate, so I do think it is important we get it right.

And as for that directors meeting, wow would I be furious, but I really don't know how I'd have acted if threatened that way, I probably would have caved too - A good person would act on principle and realize that standing up to someone that brings a gun to a meeting will ultimately result in bloodshed and/or death very possibly their own, and is it worth risking just for a company?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Back on topic ...

I believe it was mentioned in a list someone posted, but really can't emphasize this enough if you are looking for a starting place to improve your own self-perception and start working on being a better man.

Get your ass in shape.

Make that a commitment to yourself.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Lon said:


> I agree, this is not what the "alpha" people here on TAM seem to talk about. However to me it is exactly what pure alpha is - the guy got exactly what he wanted by whatever means necessary. He commanded their respect (yes in this case by intimidation and threat of fatal and illegal force). He was top dog.
> 
> This is why I was trying to argue in the other thread that I, and other guys with morals really aren't after being "alpha", all we want is to take the assertiveness and confidence traits of one and use them in an way that integrates with our kinder beta traits (ie the golden rule - do unto others) since it fit in better with our moral fiber that most people in this world have.
> 
> ...


If the word Alpha has negative connotations for you then you will of course come up with negative, derogatory definitions. I would have thought that by now you would have concluded that alpha traits are part of what being a man is all about, as well as his beta and whatever else traits.


It’s a balance, the one man playing multiple roles is his marriage. Mostly beta, sometimes alpha and sometimes whatever.


Within the context of TAM, there are times within a marriage when a man for one reason or another needs to express his alpha nature. The better the marriage, the less will be his need to demonstrate his deeply, don’t mess with me you’ve gone too far masculine character. Be that his wife or another guy after his wife, or whatever.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Back on topic ...
> 
> I believe it was mentioned in a list someone posted, but really can't emphasize this enough if you are looking for a starting place to improve your own self-perception and start working on being a better man.
> 
> ...


For me it would be good to know why CG wants to up his alpha, maybe he'll let us know. All I know so far is there's a lack of sex in his marriage.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

The word alpha doesn't have negative or positive connotations, it is how it applies to an individual that the connotations take a side. I agree it is all about balance, and yes I agree being a successful man requires certain amount of alpha traits - so of course these are not bad in themselves. The negative connotation of alpha to me is a person who has all alpha traits, who is not balanced (such as the rich Caribbean gansgster). On these boards it is often suggested men be more alpha - well that is because most men on here aren't alpha enough, not because alpha is a better way to be just that lacking certain necessary alpha traits is just as detrimental as an alpha male who lacks beta traits.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Lon said:


> The word alpha doesn't have negative or positive connotations, it is how it applies to an individual that the connotations take a side. I agree it is all about balance, and yes I agree being a successful man requires certain amount of alpha traits - so of course these are not bad in themselves. The negative connotation of alpha to me is a person who has all alpha traits, who is not balanced (such as the rich Caribbean gansgster). On these boards it is often suggested men be more alpha - well that is because most men on here aren't alpha enough, not because alpha is a better way to be just that lacking certain necessary alpha traits is just as detrimental as an alpha male who lacks beta traits.


Bingo.


And yes Bob, knowing more about CG's goals would be beneficial.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> ".....Today that company is the largest supplier of its products to the Caribbean and Central America......."


Cocaine perhaps?

Sorry, you lost me at the gun thing. I've seen big swinging d!ck alpha business men in action and 0% percent of them were armed with even so much as a pocket knife when they got what they wanted. Your man sounds a little twisted. LOL.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Caribbean Man - A kind word and a gun will always get you what you want more times than just a kind word alone. 

" If they fear you they will fight for you. If they love you they will die for you" - Braveheart. - some serious Alpha Sh*t going on there. 

Why do I want to know? 

I was just curious as to others ideas on the subject. 

I do already display a lot of the Alpha traits mentioned here. 
Could I do better? Certainly I could and that's why I asked. 

As displays of Alpha seem to be unclear to me sometimes. 

Certainly physical fitness is important and there is no doubt as to it's results from a personal perspective. 

Besides that though what sort of "male pea****" like displays do men have at their disposal at the drop of hat. 

I have read some good insights and suggestions. Thanks for all the feedback.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

Very interesting thread. What some describe as Alpha I describe as Caveman! For some people getting in shape to be Alpha is not feasible as disability or illness can prevent this. Therefore perception or single-minded determination to see a course through is the way to go. 

In another thread here I see mention of testosterone therapy and its benefits wherein one side affect is strong body hair growth. This makes me laugh as I am hair to the power of hair - back, nose, ears, toes & my barber always said it was a sign of great strength. As an aside of this I tend to break the unbreakable during DIY even now when I am 'weak & ill.' 

But the big question is does this make me Alpha? I don't know but where does the divide lie? I lent books that I would like back and its not that I don't want them back but I keep forgetting to ask for them. Does a bad memory make me weak or is it a loveable trait that makes me slightly flawed and not exceedingly aggressive? Likewise I am owed money but am very laidback in getting it back as there are other far more pressing issues than it. 

To be 'Alpha' to me is just being sure in my own mind of what matters and being flexible when required as others can and will differ to the point of petty unnecessary arguments.

To up the Alpha don't be afraid to be unpopular and buck a trend. Stick to a plan or stick to an opinion that had firm foundations despite what others think. 

(Heck some people wonder about me how the same person who demolished that wall by hand and reconstructed it could also write a poem that is all finery and draws at the heartstrings!)


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## PAmale (Sep 30, 2012)

I am the hair growth guy. I will tell you being on Testosterone increased my Alpha nature. So it is in our Chemical makeup in my opinion. I have such male desires that go through my head all day long now that feel primordial. I have a need to pass my seed to my SO. I feel like people notice me more in public for whatever reason. Even at the gym I feel like I have power and there is a respect. It is amazing and all because of T pumping through my veins!


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## trex (Oct 31, 2012)

Bringing a gun to a meeting to get your way is *not* being alpha. That's a bully. 

A true Alpha would have walked into the meeting, said calmly "this is necessary for the success of the company" and everyone in the room would have thought to themselves, "if he says it, I trust it."

This is applicable to your marriage too. Your wife should know that you don't say anything unless you mean it and it's true. Sometimes you have to play up the part a bit. 

I'm just now trying to make the conversion from nice guy/doormat to the boss. These things have helped:

1. Get off the sidelines and live with intent
2. Have a plan
3. Set boundaries
4. Defend your castle (#1-3) ceaselessly and without fear
5. Know your strengths and weaknesses

It's not easy, and that's the point. The goal is for people (including your wife) to respect you, see you as someone who has his life in order, not simply fear or avoid you. Shortcuts and laziness are not alpha. Just having brass balls is not alpha (it helps, but it takes more).


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

seems like a lot of posts about "being more alpha".
also seems to me, 
either you own your sh!t, and you just ARE...
or you arent.
change starts with you and cascades on down.
i dont think there is one thing you can do and POOF youre magically mr awesome.
there is a big difference between being a bully, and not taking sh!t from anyone.
a world of difference.
typically, in my opinion and experience, how you view yourself is how you project yourself to others. so make YOURSELF strong and others will see that.
no magic involved.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Start shaving with a straight razor...Let her watch.....:smthumbup:


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I personally see Alpha as more a frame of mind and strong will and character. Someone who is Alpha can project that regardless of his physical stature. Though women like physically fit men they are also attracted to just strong personalities and huge self confidence. If you have both your a major Alpha dog. On the other hand you could be a weakling, loser beta nice guy and make a few billion a year and women would flock to you. That kind of thing always turned my stomach. There's a point where you cross from attractive traits to just being shallow.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Just thoughts..... I interpret self-confidence as coming from a quiet place. I guess I consider it to go hand in hand with contentment/someone who knows themselves and is comfortable in that. 

There's a guy in our office that most women would consider physically attractive. I'm not one of them. He's been gushy with me, _how great I am at my job, how wonderful it is to have me on board_ etc. and I've taken that with a pinch of salt. Sure enough, when he thought I'd missed the beat on something, there was no pause for him to ask me about. He thought he was right and therefore justified to turn from sickly sweet to annoyed/arrogant. I kept my calm. Told him it'd been done and helped him get to the end result. But when I saw that other side to him, I realized why I take his gushy compliments with a pinch of salt (plus I don't need that).

To my colleague's credit, he did take a huge bite of humble pie following that moment. I accepted his apology and we're all good. Then he did it again..... this time he phoned me and blasted me for something, just to realize he'd dialed the wrong extension and thought I was a different department. He was even more embarrassed this time around. Days later, he was still apologizing. His position in the company, his looks etc might be perceived externally to some of his male colleagues as 'alpha' but it wouldn't be my definition by any means. He's an alright dude though. He can laugh at himself and apologize, so that's a start.

When I see the term 'alpha' on these boards, I consider positive traits such as consistency, quiet confidence, knowing oneself, and getting the best out of others.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> When I see the term 'alpha' on these boards, I consider positive traits such as consistency, quiet confidence, knowing oneself, and getting the best out of others.


Funny, that is pretty much the exact same definition I used to have in mind... though through experience I have learned it was pretty easy to shake that, and hard to regain - one other thing that definition needs to truly be alpha is: mental toughness and resiliency.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lon said:


> Funny, that is pretty much the exact same definition I used to have in mind... though through experience I have learned it was pretty easy to shake that, and hard to regain - one other thing that definition needs to truly be alpha is: mental toughness and resiliency.


Agreed ......mental toughness through vulnerability, self-awareness, understanding and grace though, in my definition at least.

And what I meant to demonstrate through my little story above was that to me, alpha doesn't mean being loud and angrily assertive to get a desired result. It'd almost be the opposite to that. Assertive, yes, but from a calm and centered place.


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## Ghost88 (Dec 9, 2012)

Alpha = confidence and respect earned. Pretty simple. Oh and Ducatis are good too


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Lon said:


> Funny, that is pretty much the exact same definition I used to have in mind... though through experience I have learned it was pretty easy to shake that, and hard to regain - one other thing that definition needs to truly be alpha is: mental toughness and resiliency.


"_used_ to have in mind" .....what do you have in mind now? And I'm curious as a cat why you learned it was easy to shake that. I think if someone has reached a place where they have those traits much of the time, it'd be a solid foundation, rather than something that is easily shaken. 

I think it very much ties into self-awareness, accountability, and quiet confidence. It doesn't even need the label of alpha really. When I read posts that focus on those types of qualities, regardless of what word is attached to it, they just sound like healthy recommendations for personal growth. 

I'll now exit stage left to the Ladies Lounge.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> He commanded their respect (yes in this case by intimidation and threat of fatal and illegal force).


Sorry, Lon, (you know I love ya) ...but 

he did not COMMAND THEIR RESPECT...he FORCED THEIR ACQUIESCENCE.

BIG DIFFERENCE!

like having sex with an unwilling woman at the point of a gun/knife...

he didn't GET HER TO HAVE SEX with him, he RAPED HER.

BIG DIFFERENCE!


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