# He says I'm "sex obsessed" and is really hurtful



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

I am angry. REALLY angry. I am fed up of being called "sex obsessed" for simply mentioning looking forward to some alone time together. I thought that was healthy for a married wife... It seems not!

I have been struggling over the past months with my H's decreased desire. We have gone from 3-4 times a week average since we met to once a week. He sees no problem as we are still having sex.

He has cited numerous reasons for his drop in libido. Stress from work, tiredness, fear of pregnancy, sexual routine. Promised to meet me in the middle to hit 2 or 3x a week which inevitably fades after a week. He currently appears to be doing nothing to help with any of these complaints either of his own accord or by my asking.

He continues to "take care of things" himself. I have not yet worked out how much that factors in. He says it is not sexually driven but simply a physical release. He hardly ever uses porn.

He says he just does not think about it as often as I do. The underlying implication in that to me is simply that I should "deal with it": he currently only comes to me when he is in the mood. He sees this as perfectly right and normal: says why would he approach me if he wasn't in the mood? The answer "to see if his W has needs that need taking care of" is simply not in his understanding, the way a wife might give her H a BJ or a HJ for example. Doing the equivalent for me just does not enter his head. onversely when I have approached him I get rejected or accused of being sex obsessed most of the time now so I have mostly stopped asking.

I have on my part looked to see what I can do. I have been careful to not pressure him. I have stopped initiating (this is a double edged sword: drops the pressure on him to perform so he can come to me but sorta portrays I'm not interested when I am.)

Been lighthearted. Avoided heavy discussions and kept any comments light and fun.

Been in for the chase. So stuff he'll notice that might get the ball rolling on his part so to speak. Waking him whilst wearing sexy lingerie. Tight jeans. Cute hairstyle I know he likes. 

Yesterday we were talking about a holiday we have planned which will be just us two. We are both looking forward to it. Beautiful location and scenery with plenty to do. 

I asked what will we be doing this day this time in x weeks? Smiled at him. He says he doesn't know. I say mischieviously that we might still be in bed (right after lunch.) Immediately his whole demeanor changes. Says tgere's lots to do there and why would we still be in bed? That I am sex obsessed. That I seem to think that life and our relationship is based on sex and if he doesn't come up with the answer I want when I ask stuff like this, then it's HIM that is wrong.

I was nearly in tears. To me I was being lighthearted and flirty. This is following him telling me earlier about how he likes to say hello and wave at his "fan club" (aka pretty girls he encounters at work) and it's not hurting anyone, and his incessant tales of when he takes our youngest child out that he always gets admiring looks from women, "even the ones with children." Sometimes he'll tell me a story about a seemingly routine errand where in the store the attractive cashiers rush to help him and start flirting with him. He's an attractive guy so it's quite believeable. I roll my eyes at yet another story and he'll laugh and say no not really. I don't get it: he knows how attractive I think he is yet seems intent on telling me at any opportunity how some girl or other emiled or waved or flirted.

I'm at a loss. I have no idea what to do. Do I literally not talk or mention sex EVER until he decides he's ready? Because whatever I say, he says I'm obsessed. I know though if I do that and bring up later down the line the lack of sex, he'll come back with " but you never said you were interested!" Why does he insist on his stories? He's being really tactless since his mild EA a few months ago and it hurts me a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Janelle_ (Mar 25, 2012)

I can't give you much advice, because I'm pretty much in the same boat, If I do or say anything sexual I'm being "overly agressive." He insists that if I just do nothing and let him come to me he will but for me he never does, so on and so forth. We can go two months between sexual sessions and thats not at all unusual. If you find something that works, let me know, I'll do the same.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

It is so weird to me that the number one complaint by men on these boards is no sex (or not nearly enough sex), and even those who get plenty still complain their wife never initiates. And then, the flip side are the women who complain of no sex and being called "obsessed" or "too aggressive." I know about one woman whose husband told her she was disgusting because she wanted sex every night.

Men who get it still find something to complain about, and men with a HD drive wife are repulsed by her, or they turn it into a way to punish, torture, or abuse her.

I don't believe there is any way to win the battle of the sexes, certainly not where sex is concerned.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

walkingwounded said:


> He continues to "take care of things" himself. I have not yet worked out how much that factors in. He says it is not sexually driven but simply a physical release. He hardly ever uses porn.


This part concerns me the most. You have the much higher drive, yet he's "taking care of things" on his own. It doesn't matter if he believes it's just a "release." That release should be YOU. And I don't like to be this guy, but if he's turning down his hot, sex-crazed wife for his palm, it would make me wonder what else he's turning to for his "release."

Have you ever offered to be that release for him? Anytime he wants to "take things in hand" by himself, offer to do it for him, either with your hands or mouth. If he says that he doesn't like the way you do it, ask him to teach you how to handle him they way he likes it. It gives him more control in these cases, and it gives you better chances of having your own needs met in the process.

On a personal note, my wife had a much higher drive in the early part of our marriage. Anytime she would make a move and I wasn't prepared for it, I went through this same spiral that started with the guilt of turning down my wife and ended with resentment that she kept nagging me for sex when she knew I wasn't ready for it. Things didn't get better until I decided the problem was with me not being willing to please my wife and preventing her from being able to show me her love for me. I had to make a more proactive approach, forcing myself to initiate even if I didn't personally want to. That usually required me asking my wife to help "get me started," and by then I was a lot more willing. Things are a lot better now. 

Anyway, food for thought.

For both you and Jannelle, have you ever asked your men if they feel bad when they turn you down? If you can start a dialogue about why he's doing it, it may reveal some solutions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

^^ I think if you go into it thinking that it's a battle - something where one loses and one wins - then you've both already lost (as in lost the true meaning of marriage).

It should not be a battle.

It should be a dance ... undoable - no .... intricate - yes ... priceless - yes.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi walking ~

You know, the more I read about your husband, the more I just think that he does not care. He does not care about what you are going through, he does not care what his actions do to you, he does not care if it hurts you.

I am sorry he is that way.

You need to take charge of yourself here and not let him keep rolling over on you (figuratively -- I know you want him to do that literally  ).

When he comes home with his glib statements about how all of these attractive women flirted with him, you need to set him straight that it is not acceptable for him to be encouraging that as a married man and it certainly is not acceptable for him to be telling you this. I cannot tell from your post whether he does it non-chalantly, snidely, naively, or what.  But in any case, DO NOT STAND FOR IT.

Set some boundaries in this area and start to vigorously enforce them. Let him know in a firm, calm voice it's unacceptable to you for a husband to act that way and you require more respect from him in this. Walk calmly away. Lather, rinse, repeat. Empower yourself - build up your self-respect.

Next, really go out and read MEM thermostat/barometer thread in the Men's Clubhouse. Take some of that to heart. I think you will need to pull back and not continue to breathe down his neck. For whatever reason - whether it's because he wants to be in control or whether he finds it unattractive or whatever his reason - it doesn't work with him. Pull back, make yourself mysterious - get on with the business of your life with your hobbies and your passions and let him see what he is missing by not engaging with you.

Best wishes.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm the same boat. I've learned from this site that most men do feel guilty about turning wives down. Mine was just a mess for a while.,
I suggest the turning down the thermometer. 
Also it could be he's having erection issues. Have you asked him? 
A lot of people don't realize sex is a legit emotional need. I suggest doing the needs quiz with from the marriage builders website. 
I agree that him telling you those stories is inappropriate. And what is this about the only person wanting you being a sex starved teenager? Did he say that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

It sounds like a very common phenomena in marriage and just for the fact that you mentioned that he is consistently making comments about how attractive other women thinks he is, tells me he is a distancer. You are pursuing and he is distancing, the more you pursue, the more he will distance. He is getting important needs met that way, but it is unhealthy and obviously you are being left far behind in the needs department.

Stop pursuing him for awhile, be nice, just distant. No flirting, no going for sex - just seem somewhere else. At first he may get angry with you and not even be able to tell you why, or come up with things that you will know are just flimsy excuses - he may distance himself more to see if you'll get back in the game, then he'll give up and start to chase after you. At that point you can start to work on getting a better balance of having your needs met.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Is sex for you a big production meant to last hours with eaks and valleys? 

You have indicated how he looks, what about you? Have you changed much in the time together? Not trying to be mean but get to the root.

Also how long have you been married and how old.

The fact he takes care of himself is yes an issue?

Heck I posted just last week that my spouse says I'm sex obsessed too.

BTW 1X/wk is not terrible and I wonder if you start something with him in bed at night, does he reject you. A little footsie, some massaging, breast rubbing in his back or fondling him should do the trick on 90% of males......


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

I'm responding via phone so can't multi quote but will try to remember points to respknd to...

He cares: about being right. He is very factual. Funnily not emotional about this. In fact he just told me that he asked his best male friend how "frequent" him and his W are: once a week. Voila, I am somehow wrong.

I do need to back off. Regardless of anything else, I am very upset and emotional right now and it simply is not attractive. I wouldn't want to have sex with me when I am like this. The pursuer and distancer thing is. interesting.

We are both in our thirties. 

Sex is not a big production. I can get off relatively easily. I am good to go pretty much all of the time. I am in shape and attractive and take care of myself. And the trying to get him in the mood idea? Tried it. It is pretty humiliating to be told "get off me" but then he claims I never do stuff like that anymore and he would like it?

We talked earlier. I think we must be living in parallel universes. He genuinely cannot remember refusing me so frequently over the last couple months. I cited examples which he just shrugged at. What actually made me FURIOUS was when he discussed him refusing. Said if I was in the mood and he said no, I should tell him f*** you (or similar phrasing : you get the idea) and say I'm going upstairs by myself to "take care of things" as that would probably turn him on and make him want to join in. I got angry and said I wasn't jumping through hoops for him but in retrospect what I meant was that is him playing a weird game with me surely? 

He also said I never do stuff I used to like dress up in lingerie and wait for him to come home. No: BECAUSE HE KEPT TURNING ME DOWN!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Just checked out the pursuer-distancer thing and it describes us exactly. Scary.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

walkingwounded said:


> I'm responding via phone so can't multi quote but will try to remember points to respknd to...
> 
> He cares: about being right. He is very factual. Funnily not emotional about this. In fact he just told me that he asked his best male friend how "frequent" him and his W are: once a week. Voila, I am somehow wrong.
> 
> ...


Well then he is an ass. Sorry
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

I can only offer my sympathy because I'm in the same boat and have yet to find any satisfactory resolution. Just remember, it's NOT you-- you are not the screwed up one-- he is. Don't ever let him put this on you.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

He *is* an ass HSTS!

His psychological insight last night? I want sex so much because I need to feel sexually desired after his EA. Well jeez it's not rocket science is it? And I really don't think wanting sex 3x a week is "so much." And apparently I plucked his preferred frequency of 1x a week out of thin air because he "never said that." Well that is based on actions.

Calming down... Here is what I know...

1. He thinks the drop in frequency is not a problem. He thinks I am worrying about a natural evening out of frequency after time together in a relationship. He has expressed a desire to meet halfway with at least 2x a week.

2. The likelihood of him following through on this is minimal based on the last couple of months' promises. However I will give him the benefit of the doubt with this one as he suggested a plan this time.

3. He sees my need for sex as rooted in insecurity for the most part right now. I believe there is some truth in this. He sees this as a turn-off.

4. He has a different recollection of past events (ie me initiating and his refusals.) That is what it is. From now on I will be sure to be explicitly clear about what is a come-on. I am not vague in the sense of say, a flip of ghe hair means I'm ready to go, but apparently "let's have an early night" is not clear enough as he thinks that means... "let's have an early night."

5. He likes stuff I have done in the past by way of making an effort. Examples include waiting up for him when 
he's gone out and me dressed in sexy lingerie and candles around the bedroom. Particular clothing he likes. 

Obviously most of this is me-based stuff but I can only work on my part. I am taking his willingness to suggest a sex "schedule" as a genuine interest from him and try and work on where I have shut down from being rejected and see what happens.

And the pursuer-distancer thing has provided me with a lot of clarity. It is like I have been able to step back and see the dynamic between us mapped out. I feel a lot better understanding this properly. I could see we are different and that explains why and how.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

walkingwounded,

It sounds like the underlying theme here is that he has intimacy issues which would explain the EA and the refusal for sex. Talking to him about sex is not going to fix that. Neither will be confronting him to let him know he has intimacy issues. Getting into counseling with him to work through it, or finding ways to work around it on your own are your best choices, with counseling being the best bet because you may be able to work around it to an extent, but he will not be able to get over his intimacy issues without fully facing them.

While this is going on, I imagine you are feeling vulnerable and that you are at risk for being abandoned. He abandoned you by having an EA and I doubt the recovery from that has been granted to you or his actions would be more in line of wanting to give you everything you need in the relationship. 

Chances are, he really does want to give you everything and more - but is so afraid from his own issues that he is royally screwing things up with you, on one level to "prove" to himself that he truly isn't worthy of your love and for the second part due to his fears of true intimacy. Instead he distances and feels assured that you love him by watching run after him and fight with him about the distance - which will destroy your love if it is not resolved somehow. 

Your biggest power is to stop the pursuit - not forever because a healthy relationship has a balanced flow of that between partners, but to adjust the dynamics in yours and to find the ways that will work to accomplish a better balanced flow between the two of you.

Give him space and be nice to him, but do not pursue him or try to talk things out because what you are talking about is a symptom of the problem that will not fix the actual problem(s). 

Also consider counseling, it can be helpful with your situation. Remember, even though this all seems pretty screwed up right now and your husband is failing to provide you with your needs, he probably deeply loves you and is just having a really hard time showing it through his unhealthy actions. Not an excuse for him, but a bit of understanding for you.

A quick FYI, for men, three to four times a week is the healthiest amount for them to have sex. That amount helps lower risks of cancer and heart disease. Less or more than that is not as healthy.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

As things stand now, he's dictating how your relationship is going to be. Most good men are pretty loyal to women who are good to them. Most people want to be faithful in a relationship. We just may have not communicated our needs in a way that the other person understood or the dynamic got out of whack through no fault, both at fault or may be one person's baggage. Sex/EA is a symptom of the problem. Sex can be part of the short term solution but it won't solve foundational issues. The quicker you and him come to an understanding the better chance you have of making things work. Playing by the current rules isn't going to make things better for anyone. Change the game, change the rules.

The only thing that ever worked on my ex who was a serial cheater and loved to distance herself from me for any and every reason imaginable was when I stopped pursuing her and started having my own life. I stopped staying at home begging and started going out/living. Unfortunately for me, I gave in when she wanted me back and it prolonged a bad relationship. Not saying either way what you should do or consider. If there's something worth saving fine. Either way, concentrate on you, making you happy, making you a better/stronger, more attractive person inside and out. That won't hurt the relationship but it will change the game. If he's smart, he'll come running to you. If not, you'll be in a much better position to attract someone who will treat you right.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

I have backed off since a couple days ago. I resolved to stop with the heavy talks as he knows how I feel. I decided to back off initiating or any mention of sex. Dropping the temperature.

Yesterday I hung out in the bedroom just surfing the internet after the kids were in bed as we usually sit doenstairs together. He came up to find me and asked me downstairs. I had stuff to do for the next day so joined him after a while. He initiated a conversation about our holiday... It is unusual for him to spark up a convo in the evening which is ironic given he said the other day we never talk (I try a LOT but he often gives short one-word answers or tunes out unless it is him that started the talk.) I went to sleep earlief than usual.

Today I haven't texted or called him at work at all. He got back and unusually straight from work he was actually in a great mood talking about the holiday again. Saying it was so many weeks, this many days left and we'x have some time together. This is *not* the sort of thing he says ever. I was pleasant but no initiating affection or kisses... He did that. Again not like him.

Later he walked past me in the kitchen and pinched my ass... Quite funny given twice last week he berated me for wriggling into him as he walked past me in the kitchen saying it was "irritating and annoying."

He's being super nice right now. No idea what I shall do if he tries to initiate... I feel a lot of resentment and feel like saying no but know he would no way be as bothered.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Wow! What an amazingly fast turn around from him. Good job on what you are doing walkingwounded. If he initiated, accept it, it is important to reinforce that you want him to pursue you - making him feel great about doing it - without you pursuing him will help him keep up the more loving way he is treating you.


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

walkingwounded said:


> I have backed off since a couple days ago. I resolved to stop with the heavy talks as he knows how I feel. I decided to back off initiating or any mention of sex. Dropping the temperature.
> 
> Yesterday I hung out in the bedroom just surfing the internet after the kids were in bed as we usually sit doenstairs together. He came up to find me and asked me downstairs. I had stuff to do for the next day so joined him after a while. He initiated a conversation about our holiday... It is unusual for him to spark up a convo in the evening which is ironic given he said the other day we never talk (I try a LOT but he often gives short one-word answers or tunes out unless it is him that started the talk.) I went to sleep earlief than usual.
> 
> ...


Glad to hear! Someone else said here its like training a dog. You want to reinforce good behavior. If he does what you need or want, don't whack him on the nose with a newspaper. Give him a treat and tell him he's a good boy. :rofl:

Easier said than done I know.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

It is noticeable allready. Have had more talk about our holiday. 

The thing is... He isn't stupid. He has asked me just earlier about me staying upstairs yesterday instead of going downstairs right after all the kids were in bed like I usually do. When I have done this previously, he picks up on stuff and accuses me of being petty for stepping back. Even though I continue to be pleasant. He has said before that it is petty to stop doing stuff for him if I have been upset about something. I actually addressed this at the weekend by explaining it was to demonstrate how much I think about and do for him to meet his needs so he can appreciate the effort I go to. I don't know if he will bring it up again but going on previpus times I have dropped the temperature, I predict he will.

And I *really* know I should appreciate if he does initiate but it is going to be *really* hard to not tell him "no" in the very tactless and blunt way he does to me. I see completely it is a bad response on my part but when I am feeling particularly resentful I think "what I wouldn't give to let him see how it feels... May be THEN he'll appreciate what he's got."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

I would tell him if he brings it up that you realize you have been chasing after him in order to get your own needs met (Feeling close to him) and that you have backed off because you realize it isn't working for you. Try to leave it at that, having a long drawn out discussion is going to water that down and have the risk of putting you in a position of the old unhealthy dynamic you are trying to avoid.

The fact that he calls you on it and calls you petty is his attempt to maintain the status quo, which is you chasing him, he depends on that. Do not let that happen and do not argue with him. Most of all, do not take it personally. Be nice and let him know you realize your relationship is not working for you when you are doing so much pursuing, and you are backing off because you do not want your self esteem to be effected any more than it has been all ready. Keep it about yourself, not what he is doing or not doing, not how he makes you feel - NOTHING about him. When you do not talk about him, he will not be able to get as defensive with you.

I know you want him to feel like how it feels to be you, you have been deeply hurt and if he feels that maybe he would not be so hurtful, but that will only make him hurt and back off more - which is what you don't want. I think teaching him how it feels to be you would sabotage your efforts of having the kind of relationship you really want. Suck it up and say "yes" when he pursues and let him see that not only is it safe to pursue you, but that it has rewards. The more he sees that, the more likely he is to do it more.

I know it may be hard to grasp, but he is not distancing from you because he is a big jerk, even though it probably really comes across that way. He's doing it because it allows him to avoid true intimacy, it allows him to feel safe (pursuing is a risk that he is obviously scared about), and he doesn't feel good about himself. He is probably comforting himself by saying things like "I provide well and that is my way of pursuing", even though he knows underneath that he should be doing more.

You pursuing him is his unhealthy way of feeling loved by you. Yes, its selfish of him and hurtful for you and damaging to your relationship. But you cannot tell him "You are a distancer and need help". He is not going to accept that from you and will argue with you tooth and nail about it. He will tell you that you are the one with the problem that you are "sex obsessed" or anything else to leave you feeling you are the one with the problem so he doesn't have to feel worse about himself. None of that is really about you though and if you can let that sink in, you'll be light years ahead of so many couples that are in this same situation.

You have been arguing, begging and pleading with him to step up to the plate and have seen that is not working. So, in part, stopping the pursuit is about reclaiming your own self esteem and he will have to adjust to that. He will and has all ready as you've pointed out in your messages. 

The fact that his immediate adjustment was to pursue you and that he is acting nice shows that he really loves you and wants to be close, he just has some issues in that area that fighting with him about is not going to help. 

What will more than likely happen is he will pursue you up to a point, as he is now, but then will pull back again, more than likely because he will scare himself with how close he got. Do not chase after him when he does this. Just let it go, stay in your own space of being nice but not pursuing. He might start arguments or make other attempts to get back into the unhealthy dynamic, but do not argue and do not pursue. 

Be nice and be there for him 100% when he is pursuing you and eventually the new habits will build and you can begin to adjust back into a healthier level of pursuing with each other. That is not an easy task, especially when you are used to being the pursuer, but if you do this, you will see a difference.

It is not fair that you have to go through all of this walkingwounded. You deserve to feel pursued and you have been hurt and put in a bad position. It is not going to be easy to be the one that has to make the corrections, but he will have to correct himself because you are doing it and have gotten a little taste of that already. Keep your focus on what you want to accomplish in your relationship. There will come a day where it will be safe to talk to him about how you felt in the pursuer role and get those bad feelings out, but now is not that time and probably won't be for a long time yet. 

For the record, I think you are doing a great job at looking into how to help your marriage and have made some great steps to start to get things back on the right path.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Yes the longview. That makes sense.

He did initiate last night. I made sure to be light and pleasant in the evening. I snuggled in bed with the laptop and a drink and stayed there for a while after the kids had gone to bed. He came in again to get something, looked momentarily puzzled then went out again. I ended up getting caught up with two of the kids who couldn't sleep so ended up not going downstairs in the evening until quite late. Sat together for an hour then I went up to bed. He came up after.

I was hesitant as this is a pattern I wanted to avoid at the very outset: he initiates at bedtime and I expressed months ago that as he goes to bed so late (1am) I couldn't keep up. I felt on balance allthough it is a problem as a regular occurence, that as it hasn't happened like that for a while it wasn't such an issue.

He messaged me earlier not long after leaving for work saying "I was awesome last night" (!) I had to laugh. Usually it would be me sending a message saying how last night was great/amazing and he would respond by a simple "yes" or just agreeing: NEVER does he usually send a comment like that off his own back. 

What I am not sure about is what my place is *right now* in initiating any kind of affection. I have only teciprpcated any hugs etc and not initiated anything. I guess it is awkward because I am so used to being affectionate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

Men like this puzzle me. Surely there are men out there who find you attractive. Men who would have no problem pleasing you on a regular basis. Is there any way he can be made to realize this in such a way that would make him appreciate what he has and to take care of business the way a husband ought to? Husbands and Wives who take their spouse for granted sexually run the risk of driving a wedge that could lead to an affair IMO.


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Wow! That is really amazing that he turns around so fast. My thoughts are he is going to want to feel rewarded for his pursuit, so if you do anything, keep it light and simple with no expectations from him to reciprocate or "do anything" - such as a quick kiss hello/good-bye/good night. That is not really pursuing, as it is simply showing some affection which requires nothing from him. Coming up, kissing him gently, saying something like "I love you" and then walking away to do your own thing may let him see that you are maintaining a loving position, but not pursuing him. Use your gut feelings with this.

Great job by the way! That uninitiated text from him speaks volumes about his love for you. The late night sex is probably in part because its convenient for him, and the other part is its less intimate because you are probably half asleep and not fully "there" if that makes sense. He is comfortable with less intimacy and that will start to get better too. How much better is unclear because I'm not sure how deep his issues go, but what your doing is really going to help get things back to a happier position for the two of you in the long run.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

maggot brain said:


> Men like this puzzle me. Surely there are men out there who find you attractive. Men who would have no problem pleasing you on a regular basis. Is there any way he can be made to realize this in such a way that would make him appreciate what he has and to take care of business the way a husband ought to? Husbands and Wives who take their spouse for granted sexually run the risk of driving a wedge that could lead to an affair IMO.


At this point, I know right off of a handful of guys who like me and who are relationship material. At the very least I can attract male attention if I go out. He is not one to get jealous or show any kind of reaction to me telling him when stuff like that happens. He said the other day it doesn't matter because it has no consequence: ie. some guys shouted to me out of their car the other day. Harmless and a little flattering. He says it does not mean anything as that is all it is. And that he doesn't feel threatened and that he trusts me. Which is good but there is an undertone of taking me for granted: it is VERY hard to explain precisely but I feel like he figures good old walkingwounded will be right by my side no matter what I do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

walkingwounded said:


> it is VERY hard to explain precisely but I feel like he figures good old walkingwounded will be right by my side no matter what I do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is that the case?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ok folks...

This thread is *3-1/2 years old!!!!*

I think the OP is long gone by now.

Major Zombie thread. _(Advice to newbies... check the dates. Or start a new thread.)_


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

i'm glad i found this post anyway, regardless of it's age. it let me to the [The thermostat - the ultimate barometer of your R] thread, which i found infinitely helpful. That thread is also old btw : )


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