# My husband wants sex too much



## stressed (Jun 1, 2009)

My husband says if we don't have sex at least 3 times per week his testicles swell and he's in pain. I think he just says that to try to make me have sex more. Is it possible? I suffer from severe depression and have a low sex drive. He's driving me crazy because he doesn't care if I want to or not and we end up having huge fights and are on the verge of divorce.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Ha ha! testicles swelling! (Not laughing at your situation) 3 times a week is very reasonable.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

3x's a week that'd do me just fine as compared to what I was getting. But my hubby is the one w/depression issues so I can see where your low libido comes from as that is a direction correlation in nearly every story I hear.

Question, are you getting help for your depression? If not then do so ASAP. Depression leads to many other marriage problems especially if left untreated.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I get depressed and have low sex drive, and it is a indirect correlation to a happy marriage. If your marriage is happy, you want to have sex. If you are depressed, you don't feel happy, it reflect on your spouse, and therefore no sex. Please respect your decision to say "no."


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

3x per weak is NOT "too much". Its average at best...even at my 9 year marriage's lowest times we were doing it 2-3 times per week.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

From his perspective 3 times a week is not too much. From your perspective it is.

You've identified reasons why you dp not desire sex. Those are valid inhibitors for you. 

Your H may understand intellectually what is going on with you, but he has needs. Do you understand that?

If he remains unsatisfied with your sex life, there will be an impact on your marriage. 

He may be a patient man but once he realizes that your goal in your sex life is to have even less sex than you already have, he may decide the marriage is not worth it or go cheat.

Have you ever heard of the phrase "fake it until you can make it" ?

Make a pact with him to toss in an "extra" for him once a week just for him, beyond the sex you find tolerable once a week.

This may seem silly to you, but it may have an effect on you towards more sex.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

HA HA...blue balls! 

I told my daughter that's not a real condition. She learned it, too. 

You should want it more, but you both need to work out an agreeable frequency. 

I'd love every day, but realize anywhere in the 2-5 time a week is ok, too. 

Different strokes, as they say...

Sadly, I only have my massager right now.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Depression is such a Catch-22 with sex. If you are on meds for depression it may be causing low libido; even if you are not on meds he needs to understand his pressure doesn't help and may even contribute to the depression.

If he understood "depression is like having broken ribs, and sex isn't in the cards with broken ribs", maybe he could wrap his head around that analogy???

You two need to meet with your docs together to discuss this or get some counseling from someone who understands depression.


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

I am depressed and have been on meds for it and my sex drive is stronger than my dh. He isn't on anything and isn't the depressed kind...he is just busy and exhausted most of the time. It's depressing then b/c I feel like he doesn't want me like I want him. I quit my meds and my sex drive sky rockets...and still he is unavailable sometimes.  I have been in a relationship with a man who wanted sex a couple of times a day...or every day at least. I wasn't madly in love with him so my libido was nothing. I had no desire to fulfill his sexual needs. Now with my dh...I want him all the time and he isn't ready.  So it's total torture.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

java said:


> I am depressed and have been on meds for it and my sex drive is stronger than my dh. He isn't on anything and isn't the depressed kind...he is just busy and exhausted most of the time. It's depressing then b/c I feel like he doesn't want me like I want him. I quit my meds and my sex drive sky rockets...and still he is unavailable sometimes.  I have been in a relationship with a man who wanted sex a couple of times a day...or every day at least. I wasn't madly in love with him so my libido was nothing. I had no desire to fulfill his sexual needs. Now with my dh...I want him all the time and he isn't ready.  So it's total torture.


Get him to practise semen retention, and you won't be able to keep up with him!


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

What does that mean? To avoid cumming during intercourse? Isnt' that torture?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

java said:


> What does that mean? To avoid cumming during intercourse? Isnt' that torture?


Yes, Yes it is... 

Sorry MT, had to do it .


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

so avoid it once and you are wanting more? I don't get it.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Java, as a regular here I had assumed you had seen my write ups: Semen Retention

And here on TAM:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/4579-semen-retention-101-a.html


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

stressed said:


> My husband says if we don't have sex at least 3 times per week his testicles swell and he's in pain. I think he just says that to try to make me have sex more. Is it possible? I suffer from severe depression and have a low sex drive. He's driving me crazy because he doesn't care if I want to or not and we end up having huge fights and are on the verge of divorce.


I had this same issue and saw a doctor because I was concerned. I would get very tender if I didn't have a release about 6 times a week. I was told that I produce a lot of semen and it should be released as often as possible. I have to try and take care of myself when my wife isn't in the mood. I do understand that it can be difficult for you while suffering from severe depression, but please understand that he probably does produce more semen than the average man. My wife thougth I was making it up until I saw the doctor. Don't be so quick to dismiss that he does in fact get tender.


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

Dancing Nancie said:


> I had this same issue and saw a doctor because I was concerned. I would get very tender if I didn't have a release about 6 times a week. I was told that I produce a lot of semen and it should be released as often as possible. I have to try and take care of myself when my wife isn't in the mood. I do understand that it can be difficult for you while suffering from severe depression, but please understand that he probably does produce more semen than the average man. My wife thougth I was making it up until I saw the doctor. Don't be so quick to dismiss that he does in fact get tender.



I have this problem also, I produce alot and feel pain if not released regularly.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I need to try that one on my wife, see how it works.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

Hell my wife thought I was just being dramatic until I had a doctor's note...


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Objectively, 3x a week is not too much. But, frequency is in the eye of the beholder.

How's the sex when you guys do it? (for you, that is). It's one thing if you have low libido and have a tough time becoming interested, it's another if it's not enjoyable and satisfying (as in orgasm) for you when you engage in it.

It also sounds like neither of you is willing to truly understand and empathize with the other's position. He's wanting to dismiss the fact that you are depressed, which absolutely can lower libido (as can some of the meds to help depression). You are wanting to dismiss the fact that his physical and emotional needs for sex are very real and important. Only when you each can empathize with the other can you start to solve the problem as a team.

Are you getting help for your depression (not all meds will ruin libido and you can test different ones out)? Do you want to help yourself? Is he supporting you through the depression? 

Are you willing to satisfy his needs through means other than intercourse at times (my H will happily take a 'hand' when I'm not in the mood)? Does your husband masturbate? (He should give himself a hand here and there to release himself and avoid the pain without feeling like all that should come from you). 

Finally, is he doing the things he should do to get you in the mood? (nagging never put ANYONE in the mood!)

I suggest you both read the books "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" and "Mating in Captivity". You can present these to him as "I know you are concerned about sex life and I am concerned about it too ... let's read these together and see what insights they can give us to learn to start to fix this problem, so that I can want it more, so that you can please me more."

The sex issue will fester and fester and potentially ruin your marriage if you don't realize that sex is important (if not you right now, to him) to it's well-being.

ETA: I would NOT introduce semen retention without a visit to a doctor, as clogging things up further does not sound like a good idea for someone that already suffers pain from a few days of "retention". It would be counter-intuitive if you ask me.


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