# Not going to help swing the wrecking ball



## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

The one thing I recently told my wife even before looking over the 180 was that if leaving this marriage is what you want don't expect me to help you through it. She likes to play up the lets me civil and hopefully we can be friends routine. She also has this thought that we're in this together and we need to be there for each other. To me if you want out you go ahead and figure out the game plan. Don't expect me to sit there and draw up the game plan that makes it easy for you. If you want to destroy everything to go find "happiness" then go do so but you're going at it alone.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Just make sure you're drawing up your game plan


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

There are some areas worth cooperating about:

Children
Financial splitting if assets and debt
Possessions.
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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

Well here's an example. There has been talk about what would happen with the house. Like most it's currently worth less than what is owed on it. She wants our real estate person to come and tell us our options. I want no part of this. If she's so intent on wrecking things and walking away than you find out what you think you need to find out.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

Yes, that's exactly what you need to do. Nothing. If she wants to destroy your family, don't help her do it. Just take care of yourself and do your own thing. Do the 180 and be a good father.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

What would you say on the real estate person thing? Should I just tell her to go find out whatever she wants to find out? I just don't see why I need to be a part of it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you trust her to do what's best for both of you? To ask all the right questions, and to share all the relevant information with you? If not, you could talk to your own realtor. Nothing saying you have to cooperate with her. But you owe it to yourself to protect yourself.

C
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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

With all due respect, I disagree. It sounds to me like you wish to save your marriage. If that is the case, I would offer her a choice. 

1) You can drop this other relationship (immediately) and we can work together on creating a mutually happy marriage.

2) You can choose to wreck your home, marriage, and family. You can move forward on your own.

I will help you in achieving your choice. We can get busy saving our marriage, or we can get busy packing your stuff and moving you down the road. If your choice is to leave this marriage, we can let our lawyers determine how things will be split up later, for now, you need to remove yourself from this home.

Again, the choice is yours. I will support your decision and help you move forward. What’s it going to be?


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

I know full well what the real estate options are. I don't need an agent to tell me about short sales and the implications that come along with it. I'm not going to learn anything I don't already know. The agent will give an idea of what she might list your house for and that's pretty much the only "new" information I'm going to get.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

RDJ said:


> With all due respect, I disagree. It sounds to me like you wish to save your marriage. If that is the case, I would offer her a choice.
> 
> 1) You can drop this other relationship (immediately) and we can work together on creating a mutually happy marriage.
> 
> ...


I like where you're coming from here because it has been my position for the past several months. We either work together to create happiness with each other or you can work alone to destroy everything.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> I like where you're coming from here because it has been my position for the past several months. We either work together to create happiness with each other or you can work alone to destroy everything.




Put her on the spot, she makes the choice; she deals with the consequences of her choices.

Simple as that!

You help her get what she wants, so that you can move forward too!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If my mate told me it was over and out I would move very quickly to expedite that. It's not about easy it's about being done.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> What would you say on the real estate person thing? Should I just tell her to go find out whatever she wants to find out? I just don't see why I need to be a part of it.


I recommend that you meet the real estate person, listen to what they have to say, ask questions and make sure you understand all the various parameters in your mind for yourself. Don't discuss anything with your wife. Whenever your wife speaks, whatever she says, you agree with it verbally and even go so far as to point out or invent reasons why she is correct and support her point of view. Any actions that may be requested of you, just say OK and then don't do anything.

If or when the process of settling your home should move into it's end game, your wife would petition the court to order you to sell your house. When you receive the court date is the time to start really planning your action. Using everything you have learned from the re agent(s) and any other persons you may have helping you, you can formulate a counter-offer that states your position. You can present your counter-offer to your wife or her lawyer the day before your court date, in front of the courtroom just before your hearing or you can go to court and ask that the sale be delayed (with cause, whatever you come up with like you need a new lawyer) and/or you can negotiate right there in court.

The bottom line here is that your wife can force the sale of your house but it may take a lot of determination on her part if you really don't want to do it. Keep your plans close to the vest, don't tip her off regarding anything you have in mind, just continue to agree with her until the last minute, then present her with your counteroffer. I recommend presenting her with something like a fixed dollar amount to "go away" and leave you with the house. The advantage to her is that she gets her money immediately and you quit stalling out the process. You could start with something like 30 percent of the potential sales price. You can use similar strategies to negotiate other aspects of the dissolution


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> I recommend that you meet the real estate person, listen to what they have to say, ask questions and make sure you understand all the various parameters in your mind for yourself. Don't discuss anything with your wife. Whenever your wife speaks, whatever she says, you agree with it verbally and even go so far as to point out or invent reasons why she is correct and support her point of view. Any actions that may be requested of you, just say OK and then don't do anything.
> 
> If or when the process of settling your home should move into it's end game, your wife would petition the court to order you to sell your house. When you receive the court date is the time to start really planning your action. Using everything you have learned from the re agent(s) and any other persons you may have helping you, you can formulate a counter-offer that states your position. You can present your counter-offer to your wife or her lawyer the day before your court date, in front of the courtroom just before your hearing or you can go to court and ask that the sale be delayed (with cause, whatever you come up with like you need a new lawyer) and/or you can negotiate right there in court.
> 
> The bottom line here is that your wife can force the sale of your house but it may take a lot of determination on her part if you really don't want to do it. Keep your plans close to the vest, don't tip her off regarding anything you have in mind, just continue to agree with her until the last minute, then present her with your counteroffer. I recommend presenting her with something like a fixed dollar amount to "go away" and leave you with the house. The advantage to her is that she gets her money immediately and you quit stalling out the process. You could start with something like 30 percent of the potential sales price. You can use similar strategies to negotiate other aspects of the dissolution


Problem on the house is that there will be nothing to get out of it. We have only been in this house for five years and will all of the real estate issues going on right now the value is less than the mortgage. It just falls in line with her destroying everything because financially the house becomes a disaster just so she can go be "happy".


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> Problem on the house is that there will be nothing to get out of it. We have only been in this house for five years and will all of the real estate issues going on right now the value is less than the mortgage. It just falls in line with her destroying everything because financially the house becomes a disaster just so she can go be "happy".


The principle is the same. Go along with her and do nothing until she takes you to court. Then present an offer at the last second that has her paying for the complete shortfall. If you're 100g under water on the house and she wants to pick it all up, that might not be that bad of a deal. Find out how much it is worth to her.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT said:


> I know full well what the real estate options are. I don't need an agent to tell me about short sales and the implications that come along with it. I'm not going to learn anything I don't already know. The agent will give an idea of what she might list your house for and that's pretty much the only "new" information I'm going to get.


It can't hurt to get a professional assessment of the value of your house if you are to walk away from paying for it.

A realtor is not necessarily the right person for that.
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