# Tips from the girls please.



## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

Hi all. I have a few questions for the ladies.
I'm planning to give my wife a very special night sometime soon. Typically, we don't get anywhere near as much time as we'd like for our sexual encounters.
My plan is to spend a good hour or so on her pleasure - no PIV for at least an hour (or as long as she can possibly bear it)
My wife tends to just dive right in, demanding PIV within minutes of foreplay commencing and typically reaching orgasm within minutes of that.
Based on my previous experiences with other women, it seems to me that her orgasms are a little weak. She has the contractions, she becomes very wet after orgasm but she seems to be holding her breath or holding back in some way.
I haven't as yet discussed this with her although this will come shortly. What I need is some advice from the ladies.
Is her holding her breath somehow shortchanging her?
She does Kegel exercises and is quite powerful in that area so I don't think we need to talk about that.
Is it possible that she's holding back because she's scared she might pee (apparently this is not uncommon)?
Do you women tend to find your orgasms more intense if you're made to wait?
Do they get stronger as you have more of them?
Would you be offended if your husband bought a towel to bed and suggested that he wanted you to let go completely?
I'm really just looking for some insight into how womens orgasms differ and the experiences they've had.
Thanks in advance.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

> Do you women tend to find your orgasms more intense if you're made to wait?


Yes. I love edging! Not all women do though. So be careful there. If your wife is usually multi orgasmic, she will probably like it. 




> Do they get stronger as you have more of them?


Sometimes, but not always. I like to have 1-2 clit orgasms followed by 1-2 Gspot orgasms. The Gspot is the strongest sort of orgasm for me. There have been a time or three when we were basking in the afterglow when I realized my body needed one more.



> Would you be offended if your husband bought a towel to bed and suggested that he wanted you to let go completely?


No, I think that's sweet!




> I'm really just looking for some insight into how womens orgasms differ and the experiences they've had.



Maybe, just tell your wife you wish to become an expert in her orgasms and ask that she cooperate so you can try to bring out different kinds of orgasms or see just how sloppy wet she can allow herself to become.


----------



## Random_Girl (Nov 17, 2013)

Is your wife insecure? It sounds like she's embarrassed to me, or she's worried about the time it will take for her to O so she doesn't even try. 

For me, yes the anticipation does wonders. I don't think I would be ready to go just like that, I require at least a little foreplay. And it does make the orgasms 100x better.

If I were you I would have an open conversation with her about it. Maybe she just doesn't enjoy oral? I've heard some people don't, though that is really bizarre to me! I'm pretty much obsessed.

Try and be as reassuring as you can, make sure it isn't an issue of her feeling uncomfortable. I would appreciate the towel idea. I would appreciate the whole thing honestly.


----------



## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Based on my previous experiences with other women, it seems to me that her orgasms are a little weak. 
Does she agree? Sounds a bit judgmental
She has the contractions, she becomes very wet after orgasm but she seems to be holding her breath or holding back in some way. 
Again does she agree with this?
What I need is some advice from the ladies.
Is her holding her breath somehow shortchanging her? 
This just could be a reflexive reaction, my husband does this as well
Is it possible that she's holding back because she's scared she might pee (apparently this is not uncommon)? 
Maybe, have you asked her?
Do you women tend to find your orgasms more intense if you're made to wait? 
Not for me, sometimes the opposite is true, if we climb the hill of arousal and then stop, sometimes I can't climb the hill again.
Do they get stronger as you have more of them? 
I usually have one strong O, not multiples. If we start again in about fifteen minutes I usually can go again but it is more difficult.
Would you be offended if your husband bought a towel to bed and suggested that he wanted you to let go completely? 
We always have a towel out, I don't have much control while orgasming, I've already "let go" completely. If I didn't let go I probably wouldn't O at all.

Just make sure you really are trying to please her and not trying to get the reaction that you perceive to be the best, she shouldn't be worried about performing a certain way to please you.


----------



## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

Thanks girls.
Yes, I understand that this isn't about me.
What I'm really trying to do is to create a scenario where she doesn't have to worry about my needs - it's all about her. This will be the biggest hurdle I think, because she orgasms soooo easily and wants the same from me.... but I don't want the session to be over in less than ten minutes.
To some extent, yes, I think she's a little embarrassed. We've been married 4 years now and it was only a few weeks ago that she masturbated in front of me for the first time.
I wouldn't say she's "inhibited" but I would say that she's a little shy - whcich sucks cos I lover her to pieces and honestly think she's the hottest woman on this planet. I'm not kidding.
I really just want her to feel able to let go and do whatever she needs to.
She's not that keen on oral - she finds it very ticklish no matter what I try to do.
I saw recently that grapeseed oil makes for an excellent lubricant (internal and external) so I'm thinking that a full body massage, followed by a vaginal massage might be part of the menu. I dunno.
I asked her if she felt the need to pee and she says "no" but in context, it's worth remembering that she also can't even admit when she uses her vibrator......
I'm thinking that she feels a certain level of shame or something.


----------



## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

I realize that you asked for ladies' opinions, but hope you don't mind a male voice.

My wife once described herself as "greedy". Once things started getting hot under the sheets, she wanted PIV right away and wanted to have an orgasm without any side trips or sightseeing. She has always been a considerate lover and of course wanted me to enjoy an orgasm too, so her mouth and hands were very focused on bringing me to orgasm because she knew what worked for her, and what she wanted was all that she knew. She just assumed that's what I wanted too.

For my part, I want long and sensual foreplay and a slow simmering build up to orgasm. I wanted her to dote on me sexually, and I wanted to be able to do the same for her. I could spend hours lost in her taste and feel. In my world the longer it takes to get to orgasm the more intimate sex feels, and the more I love it.

Obviously we had disconnected sexual tastes and wants. I tried a couple of times to slow things down, to let things simmer, which she found irritating at first. A surprise "let me dote on you orally even if you're ready to move on to PIV" wouldn't have flown (and didn't). After finally talking about what we both enjoyed we started the somewhat slow process of finding the middle ground. Sometimes sex would be a quick full tilt race to orgasm, while other times it would be long and delicious build up of antici ... pation. 

We both had to wrap our heads around the fact that we each wanted something different sexually, and learn to be comfortable accomodating each other. Over time our sex play evolved. 

A few years back I bought some scented body lotion candles for her birthday. They were gift wrapped, and I told her how much I was looking forward to using them on her. I gave her a full body massage with the hot oil and discovered that if I focus on touching her in a sensual way instead of touching her in a sexual way that she can relax and enjoy the long buildup of sexual tension. I rub skin lotion on her back and body for her. It's not overtly sexual, but I spend a long time doing it. When I start the erotic kisses and eventually nuzzle into her sex, she's completely aroused but relaxed and lets me indulge myself. 

For my part I had to let her know what I wanted. When she starts getting a little agressive with her hand, I ask her to slow down and tease instead of trying rush it. During PIV if she seems to be rushing, I either enocurage her or ask her if we can take this one slow. I have finally "trained her" (hah) in how to tease me and delay my orgasm. She seems to be savoring letting me delay hers now too, from time to time.

We now spend more time connecting with each other during sex. Sex is much more emotional and intimate. I think we both would say that sex is now meeting our emotional needs as well as physical pleasure.

Finally, I think that it's important to keep in mind is that all women (and men) are different. IMHO it's never a good idea to compare your wife with any previous lover, and in fact might be interpreted by her as rude. Her response is unique to her, her orgasms are unique to her, and probably even unique between the two of you.

Edited to add that holding one's breath is actually a part of orgasmic response for a lot of people. I picked this up on the Internet
_
The reason people hold their breath as they approach orgasm is because their thoracic diaphragm is clenching rhythmically along with their abdominal, buttock, thigh, and pelvic muscles. Orgasm, being the explosive release of sexual tension, is preceded by a buildup of tension that comes over your partner like the tide coming in. You’ll be able to see and feel the tension move through your partner’s body in waves, hear it in his or her breath._


----------



## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

pplwatching said:


> Finally, I think that it's important to keep in mind is that all women (and men) are different. IMHO it's never a good idea to compare your wife with any previous lover, and in fact might be interpreted by her as rude. Her response is unique to her, her orgasms are unique to her, and probably even unique between the two of you.
> 
> [/I]


1. No, I would never mention a previous lover to her. At all. Ever. In my mind though, I sometimes wonder if she's getting everything she's capable of.
2. You've just described the exact thing I'm talking about. We've been trying the massage thing for a while now and it seems to be working. Cheers for the heads up.


----------



## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

I'm not trying to pick nits here, and hope that you read this in the spirit that it is intended.



Antman said:


> Based on my previous experiences with other women, it seems to me that her orgasms are a little weak


You did compare her to other women that you've previously had sex with. IMHO even if we don't say so to our lover, making these kinds of comparisons in our heads isn't doing our spouse any favors. There is an implication here that you feel that your previous lover's orgasms were better than your wife's, or that they enjoyed them more. I would caution you to set aside that line of thinking. If your wife tells you that she is enjoying sex and enjoying her orgasms, then what other women did or felt is (to put it bluntly) completely irrelevant.

We can all certainly strive to find new ways to please each other, and doing so is a sign of a great lover. If our motivation is that our spouse doesn't really know what what she's missing then perhaps that motivation isn't in the spirit of a loving marriage. Just my opinion, of course.

FWIW I did a quick search on "Why do I hold my breath during orgasm?", and found quite a lot of posts from women saying that they do this because it intensifies their orgasms and worry that their partner might think it's odd. Food for thought, anyway.

Best to you.


----------



## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

pplwatching said:


> I'm not trying to pick nits here, and hope that you read this in the spirit that it is intended.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Antman (Oct 19, 2013)

Iphone made a mess of my previous reply.

Sorry if I made it confusing. What I meant was "I would never discuss other women's orgasms with her". I don't think anyone wants to think about where their spouse has been prior to their marriage.
Yes, in my mind, other women have certainly seemed to have stronger/more pleasurable orgasms (some less so). I don't intend to tell her that hers are crap - lolz.
The problem is that I can't just ask if she's ever had better/stronger orgasms before because this would require her to reveal her vibrator use (off limits) or the fact that she's been with other men (we both dislike any talk if previous lovers).
Makes it very difficult to ask a direct question and receive a direct, honest answer. Or so it seems to me.


----------



## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

When we love and marry we commit ourselves to a number of things. IMHO one of those is unconditional acceptance of who our spouse is. Yours is a woman who enjoys having sex with you and who enjoys herself when she does, Dont compare yourself to previous lovers. That is a trap. Strive for a deeper relationship, including great sex but let it grow naturally into something uniquely yours, together. Let her know that you want her to be sexually satisfied and believe her if she says she is. If you make sex between you about more than the perfect orgasm, you may find that the perfect O is about more than sex or what happens between her legs. The brain is the most important sex organ.

Then have fun. Buy her a vibrator and use it on/with her. Then it wont be a secret that she has one, since you will have given it to her. Tell her it turns you on thinking of her using your gift. Open new doors and discoved where they lead you. Dont get hung up on competing with the past, either of yours,


----------



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife always holds her breath right before she has an orgasm. Usually, her breathing will get more rapid and shallow, then she will hold her breath, and at the point where she orgasms, she will begin to contract, her face and breasts will flush, and she will exhale and grunt or moan loudly.

If she is masturbating, and I happen to hear that sound she makes when she comes, it will cause me to get aroused almost instantly!

It has taken me many years to develop this level of awareness of her sexual/orgasmic response.


----------

