# Pregnant to stop him leaving



## Melly (Jun 2, 2009)

My husband and I got married 5 years ago, we dated for 3 before that. I wanted to have children almost immediately, and we started but nothing happened. About a year into my marriage, things changed a little, he wanted to wait to have children. He thought things were nice how they were. I am 7 years younger than him and thought I had plenty of time.

I've brought up the subject a lot over the last year or so, but he has wanted to continue waiting, he's leaving the forces and was unsure about future work etc, he thought it was a bad time.

However, late last year he changed towards me. I couldn't put my finger on it, it was like I wasn't there sometimes, he'd filled his life with so many other things, but also he would get this weird over excited feel about him, that was not directed at me. I got suspicious that he was either seeing someone else or that he was in touch with someone else.

It got to Christmas, he'd been away on holiday with a friend and he was quite distant, it was imperceptible to anyone else I'm sure, but i knew he was thinking about something else. So, I stopped taking my pill. I got pregnant. I didn't tell him for the first 2 months, but when i did, i could almost see the disappointed on his face, though he tried very hard to hide it and pretend to be happy. After a month or so he started to be happy about it, i think, he stopped seeming distant, he started working hard on the house and garden, preparing, nesting. I thought everything would be ok, if he had been drifting to someone else, it seemed it had stopped. He was back with me in mind and spirit.

But then a week or so ago, it happened again, that faraway look, the distance. Now i'm worried. I'm worried that even if when we have he baby, he could still leave me.

Will he go?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

If I was him and knew you got pregnant just to "trick" me into staying, you better believe I'd go.

That's kind of vindictive, and let's put it this way.

If you hadn't got pregnant and he left, you get hurt.

Now if he leaves you are not only hurt, but so is your child growing up in a situation with visitation rights, etc.

All you did was probably add hurt to a child that didn't need it.

Kind of selfish in my opinion, I'm sorry if I'm coming down too hard, but getting pregnant "on purpose" without talking about it is just plain vindictive.

Its one thing if you just happened to get pregnant while on the pill, my wife did once as the pill she was on didn't work at all for her. Its another to stop talking the pill on purpose to get pregnant without talking to your husband about it.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I agree that was deceitful. 

My wife missed her pill once, not on purpose, and I now have a beautiful 25 yo daughter that I talk to and text every day. She was the one I turned to when my world came crashing down. Her brothers were "planned", she wasn't but I'm so glad she happened! 

If he's thinking of leaving, it's probably about whether or not he's willing to pay child support. The baby won't make decide to stay. Only you will. 

That "faraway look"...maybe a PA? EA? Maybe he's thinking about someone that didn't trap him for 18 years.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

Don't beat yourself up melly. I'm sorry made that decision, as now I'm sure you're regretting a bit. But, you've got a wonderful new life on the way, inside you. So be happy about that. No matter what, children are a blessing.

As for your hubby, well, really you should have talked to him a long time ago, and ultimately, that is the only way you'll figure out what's going on. You just have to voice your concerns to him.

You'll always wonder till you try and talk to him. Just get all the cards out on the table, it's what I would do anyway.

I wish you nothing but the best with your new baby. and update us please!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Melly said:


> So, I stopped taking my pill. I got pregnant. I didn't tell him for the first 2 months,


My sister did the same thing to her H and i think its just despicable. Now the poor child is paying for such ludicrous behavior. Children are not pawns in your game of stupidity.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Your actions are very selfish and immature. Buck up and tell him the truth!!! He will almost certainly leave you baby or not. Based on your behaviour I'd wager your whole relationship could use some repairing.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Blanca said:


> My sister did the same thing to her H and i think its just despicable. Now the poor child is paying for such ludicrous behavior. Children are not pawns in your game of stupidity.


I agree 100%


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