# How about a questionnaire



## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Most of the BSs out here go through the same routine of trying to please the WS, trying to save the marriage, afraid to expose, etc etc. Is a questionnaire more helpful to them to understand what they want. An example below:
1) Does your WS respects you?
2) If she respected you why did she lie and cheat?
3) Why do you want her back if she doesn't want you.

I am just forming an idea about how this can be useful. 
What say you?


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## Mortie (Dec 19, 2013)

brokeneric, 

Here is my answer sheet:

1. No, she doesnt respect me. (and probably never has) Had posted on line one time that she never loved me, she loved what I had to offer. Things I wish I had known 20 years ago.

2. She says she does respect me. The way I see it, she doesnt respect me and she thought that she could get away with it and that I would never find out. Didnt even respect me enough to use a condem with POSOM.

3. Still working on this one. For now, we have little kids. Other than that, not sure. She still has a lot of convincing to go.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Mort, these are a few sample questions. Help out by adding few more. We have through hell, and still not back. If nothing else, we have a lot of experience on what can go wrong. I want these to be for the newcomers into the


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## standinginthegap (Jan 16, 2014)

brokeneric said:


> Most of the BSs out here go through the same routine of trying to please the WS, trying to save the marriage, afraid to expose, etc etc. Is a questionnaire more helpful to them to understand what they want. An example below:
> 1) Does your WS respects you?
> 2) If she respected you why did she lie and cheat?
> 3) Why do you want her back if she doesn't want you.
> ...


1.) Right now, no
2.) He lost respect for me because of the way I treated him for so long
3.) Two reason: One I still love him. Two because I meant what I said when I made vows to him. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poor, the good and the bad, til death due us part.

How can we say it and only mean it when the good is happening? No, that is not how it works. I've seen our worse, I'm sticking around for our better.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Standing, want to add a few questions?


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

4) Are you prepared to walk away?


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

5) Do you respect yourself?


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## standinginthegap (Jan 16, 2014)

4.) No I am not going any where, he is gonna have to be the one that leaves.

5.) Yes I do have respect for myself, I have done all I can do in seeking forgiveness from my heavenly father for the things I have done wrong. The desires of my heart only lines up with what his word says.

Question 6: If you knew back then, what you know now, would it be worth it?


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Can you forgive your WS?

After your WS has shown such total disrespect and lack of concern for anyone but themselves, can you learn to respect them again?

Can you love them again, feel safe and secure in that love?

Can you trust them again?

Can you change your definition and expectation of what your marriage was and will be? If your definition and expectation of marriage is honesty, transparency, loyalty, integrity, monogamy, fidelity...then in order to move on to R you will have to adjust them because your WS has already broken most of those.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Mineforever, I never thought of these things. Thanks


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

That last one is a kicker...you don't really realize it till much later that you have to change your view in order to accept R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

This should be the first question and the answer is always yes so I'll word it accordingly:

_When did my spouse loose romantic interest in me._

This would replace "Does my spouse respect me?" because the answer to this is always no. They don't cheat if they have romantic interest in you and why would they respect you if they have no romantic interest in you.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> This should be the first question and the answer is always yes so I'll word it accordingly:
> 
> _When did my spouse loose romantic interest in me._
> 
> This would replace "Does my spouse respect me?" because the answer to this is always no. They don't cheat if they have romantic interest in you and why would they respect you if they have no romantic interest in you.


How can a BS answer that question? It maybe so that WS never had any romantic interest. Just my 2 cents.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Wouldn't the BS have trouble answering 1 and 2 as they are stated.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Pheonix, 1st two questions are about guiding the beta perspective.

1) Does your WS respects you?
2) If she respected you why did she lie and cheat?

If you answer 1) as yes how do you answer the 2). If 1) is no , skip over 2)


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

X) What is your deal-breaker?


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I’ve never been able to think in absolutes.........
*1) Does your WS respects you?* On a lot of things, yes she does. Not everything though. She did not respect the marriage, what it means, and why it’s special... that’s something else entirely.

*2) If she respected you why did she lie and cheat?* She lied and cheated on some things. She didn’t on a lot of others. There is also a ton of omissions too. As well as some truths. The confusing part is knowing what is what because you can’t read their mind. 

*3) Why do you want her back if she doesn't want you. * What makes you believe she doesn’t want you? If she didn’t, she’d divorce. There’s obviously something she does want out of you. There’s something she wanted out the OM’s too and sometimes it’s even the same thing. Why do I want her back? No logical reason I can think of... yet here I am, still with her. 

Might as well ask: Why did I marry her in the first place? No logical or sound reasoning on that either... even looking back my expectations of what it meant were delusional and based on fantasy of a possible future. The reality was “I guessed” about this future and based it on ‘the now’ of how I felt at the time. 

What it always comes down to is your own emotions about it. You’ll drive yourself batty trying to justify or rationalize any emotional thing. We all make emotional choices that might turn out to be great, or ones that become bad. Only hindsight is 20/20. Everything else is just a gut feeling and emotional pull you shouldn’t ignore. If that’s divorce... then do it. If it’s R.... then do that.


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