# Need Advise....



## TheRobber (Jun 16, 2012)

My lovely wife and I have been married almost 19 years. We have two boys a teen and a preteen. I love them all including my wife very much. My wife and I have had our share of arguments. But usually after a day or two we seem to mover on. She says she just keeps quiet so as to not argue anymore. We both work outside of the home and the cash is tight to say the least. I looked into a few things to help us with the bills and proceeded in that manner. She decided after I had done the bills for the last 5-6 years she was taking over and opened up her own Checking account without my knowledge or access..."Too help us". I was not happy and still a bit upset, but if it will help then so be it. We had a huge argument over that and overall money the other day, She I exchanged heated texts and she was so upset she took the day off yesterday. I asked her to go on a walk with the hopes of talking to her and apologizing for my actions, only for her to tell me she has no feelings for me and is numb and we need to separate. I'm devastated. I talked to her this morning and told her I will do everything and anything to be the man I need to be for our family and I mean it..just let me try. She reluctantly "agreed" and said again it is what you want....Please let me know what I should be doing or thinking?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

This isn't about the checking account, this is about resentments she has been harboring for months if not years.

You should be listening. Listen. She doesn't talk because she thinks you will not hear the things she has said a million times before. Show her she is wrong. Listen.


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

I'm with Lamaga, Along with listening, do not interrupt, do not argue and do not blame. Validate her emotions, because they are real even if you do not agree with them. Validating does not mean agreeing, it just means to repeat back to her what she said so she can make sure you are clearly understanding the message in her words. Then, start to explore how the two of you can heal your relationship and make it a happy place for you, your wife, and your children.


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