# How Can I Meet You Emotional Needs If You Won't Tell Me How?



## junknstuff99 (Jan 5, 2014)

Where to start. Well I am 34 and my wife is 37. We have both had alot of issues in our past and multiple partners before we got together. She had an affair in 2010/2011 (revealed in 2011) and I had an affair in 2006 (revealed in 2009). She indicated she had her affair because she wanted to hurt me and didn't care about herself or me. When I found out, I was devastated. I moved to another city for 2 yrs and she eventually followed me recently.

We have been living together again for the last 4-5 months. We do not have sex. She will give me oral when I ask but won't initiate and when we do have intercourse it's a "just get it over with".

I figured that sex would bring us closer together, or laying in bed spooning, but she won't have any of that.

We just had a conversation and she agreed that she will give me all the sex I want because that's what she feels I need (I know she doesn't want to but she is willing to). She even went so far to say she feels she can "turn off the emotion and just have sex"

But here is where I am really torn. She said I don't meet her emotional needs. So I asked her what I can do to meet them, she changed the subject, I kept trying to go back but she just wouldn't share. She basically said I should be happy because she is giving me what I want.

I explained I want equality in our relationship and I want to be able to make her happy and meet her emotional needs. I explained I can't do it if she won't tell me how. She just told me to drop it.

I feel frustrated, like I am being set up for failure; being told what to do but not how to do it. All articles I find on the internet talk about "husbands not wanting to meet wife's emotional needs", but that's not applicable because I want to, I just don't know how.

There is more to this which I won't type right now, but I am looking for someone to talk to about this. Man or Woman, but I think a woman can give me more perspective into what she is thinking or what is going through her mind.

Has anyone else ever been through this? If anyone can help, please message me and I can give you more information.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Sex is not emotional support.

You need to get your mind off of your physical relationship and really dig deep into your previous interactions to understand what she wants. You have to do the work for you if your desire is sincere.

I have to say that the two of you don't seem to care too much about the other if you cannot be loyal to one another. You might want to be truly honest with yourself about your ability to remain loyal to any woman if you are so focused on sex.

Good luck,
Stretch


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why in the world are you two still together, then? Finances? Kids?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thompkevin (Jul 17, 2013)

Unless she is willing to tell you, you really can't do anything. The best you can do is ask her to go for MC. If she doesn't agree, then you should consider leaving. I know that unless you can satisfy her emotional needs as well, you won't be happy with your marriage. If she is completely unwilling to talk about her problems, then that's a huge red flag.


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