# Not Getting Any



## ThereToo (Apr 15, 2012)

Wife gets on jags occasionally with depression and/or physical pain where she doesn't want to do it...I can sort of understand that,though as a guy I've rarely had a moment that I couldn't oblige. One factor is that she is now over 50 so perhaps her drive is lowering,and I'm now in my early 40s and think I am having the 'midlife crisis' or whatever it is where my drive seems almost like it was when I was in my 20s.
I'm ok with masturbation,but that only holds me for a couple weeks tops before I just need that physical interaction...
Any ideas?


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Talk to her


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Menopause is quite difficult to go through for some ladies. I'm just in my mid 40's but in my age range women are experiencing depression, anxiety, hot flashes, painful intercourse, etc. 

Hopefully her body will right itself but in the meantime - what other option do you have aside from masturbation if she is unable to be intimate?

How long has she been this way?


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## ThereToo (Apr 15, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> Menopause is quite difficult to go through for some ladies. I'm just in my mid 40's but in my age range women are experiencing depression, anxiety, hot flashes, painful intercourse, etc.
> 
> Hopefully her body will right itself but in the meantime - what other option do you have aside from masturbation if she is unable to be intimate?
> 
> How long has she been this way?


I think menopause for her started about right on time around 50,but add to that back surgery a few years ago and that'll do it


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

Are you getting physical interaction, hugs, kisses, cuddling and such even where there isn't sex?

Prolonged hugs, cuddling and this kind of touch actually causes the body to release good chemicals that will decrease the effects of depression. 

Orgasms relieve pain, although getting to that point when you are in pain can be difficult.


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## ThereToo (Apr 15, 2012)

lovemylife said:


> Are you getting physical interaction, hugs, kisses, cuddling and such even where there isn't sex?
> 
> Prolonged hugs, cuddling and this kind of touch actually causes the body to release good chemicals that will decrease the effects of depression.
> 
> Orgasms relieve pain, although getting to that point when you are in pain can be difficult.


I tried the sell on the orgasms relieving pain but that didn't work

Yeh there's sometimes that other stuff...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

ThereToo said:


> Wife gets on jags occasionally with depression and/or physical pain where she doesn't want to do it...I can sort of understand that,though as a guy I've rarely had a moment that I couldn't oblige. One factor is that she is now over 50 so perhaps her drive is lowering,and I'm now in my early 40s and think I am having the 'midlife crisis' or whatever it is where my drive seems almost like it was when I was in my 20s.
> I'm ok with masturbation,but that only holds me for a couple weeks tops before I just need that physical interaction...
> Any ideas?



If she is going through menopause, she can go to the doctor and do something about it......or she can do nothing and you suffer.

Lots of cuddling, listening to her day, random surprise flowers and cards before she wakes up for work, random surprise dinners, do chores that she normally would do without being asked to surprise her, back massages, etc. If this does nothing for her, then start going out and doing things for yourself.

You could just give her oral with a small vibrator at the same time giving her great orgasms with no penetration. She can instead give you oiled hand, breast, foot jobs and even anal if she's into that. Doesn't have to be vaginal penetration if it causes her pain.


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## ThereToo (Apr 15, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> You could just give her oral with a small vibrator at the same time giving her great orgasms with no penetration. She can instead give you oiled hand, breast, foot jobs and even anal if she's into that. Doesn't have to be vaginal penetration if it causes her pain.


I think because of her all over pain it causes her to not want to do anything at all...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Then have a talk with her and if she honestly doesn't want sex, get her to give you sex and meet your sexual needs, which she is supposed to do. She could just give you a hand, breast or foot job. No penetration or much movement.


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## ThereToo (Apr 15, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Then have a talk with her and if she honestly doesn't want sex, get her to give you sex and meet your sexual needs, which she is supposed to do. She could just give you a hand, breast or foot job. No penetration or much movement.


We do talk,and I tried the other stuff last nite...I think between the depression,resentment,and pain I'm not sure when things might start happening...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

ThereToo said:


> We do talk,and I tried the other stuff last nite...I think between the depression,resentment,and pain I'm not sure when things might start happening...



Just tell her, I need sex with you, and breast, hand and foot jobs will do.

Yes she is going through depression and pain and you are there for her but she also has to be there for you and your needs, that being sexual. She can't just shut off the sex and think you're okay with that because that is selfish and leads to cheating....

It's like her needing a lot of emotional support and romance but you have no interest in that and she has talks with you about it. What happens many years later of this? She has an EA and maybe leads to divorce. Why are you, a man, with his needs then not being met?

This is what I call a double standard and each spouse is supposed to be taking care of the other halfs needs as their own, 50 / 50.


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## ThereToo (Apr 15, 2012)

I don't pressure her anymore because that just makes it worse,she comes back with accusations and guilt. I figure when she's ready she's ready.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I'm 53 and right smack dab in the middle of menopause. And yes, I suffer from mood swings, night sweats, hot flashes from hell, you name it BUT I still don't use it as an excuse to turn away from my husband.

I find that women use anything and everything to come up with excuses to deny their husbands and/or SO the intimacy that they deserve and are entitled to. Yes, I said it - entitled to. When you marry someone, you are committing to sharing your life with them and that includes physical intimacy. 

Now I understand when you are sick, cramping from menstrual pains, just don't feel like it, etc. Believe it or not, men sometimes feel that way too. But to use every single issue that is normal and an expected part of a woman's life and aging to deny what is an important part of a relationship to me is totally unacceptable.

So, while your wife may be going through the change of life, that does not negate the ability to be intimate with you. While she may not feel like it, if she values you and your marriage, then she will make the effort...if she doesn't, then actions speak louder than words, don't they?

I'm sure I will get bashed by this, but as a woman, a married woman and one who IS going through the change of life I know exactly what I'm talking about and I stand behind my words.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

ThereToo said:


> I don't pressure her anymore because that just makes it worse,she comes back with accusations and guilt. I figure when she's ready she's ready.


BS--accusations and guilt? About what...going through the change of life happens to every single woman and is nothing new and unique for her or anyone else.

Just another lousy excuse...I'm sorry, but this type of behavior just really pisses me off and makes all of US women look bad.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

If she is really having pain, then have her go to her OB/GYN who can diagnose if she is "really" having true pain, find the cause and treat it.

I have my doubts...


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## ThereToo (Apr 15, 2012)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> If she is really having pain, then have her go to her OB/GYN who can diagnose if she is "really" having true pain, find the cause and treat it.
> 
> I have my doubts...


It's not OB/GYN stuff...I think it's more the back pain it seems.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> BS--accusations and guilt? About what...going through the change of life happens to every single woman and is nothing new and unique for her or anyone else.
> 
> Just another lousy excuse...I'm sorry, but this type of behavior just really pisses me off and makes all of US women look bad.


You are awesome.:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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