# Going to BE Strong



## ngonza (Nov 8, 2012)

Married 9 years been together 20+ years. If you have read any of my post you will see my stupid idiotic life I maintained with this man..My relationship and Marriage have been crazy and I sacrafised everything for this man. It was for love or being hooked by the hip or just use to him, for those 24 years..or I just didnt really like myself. I let myself get overpowed by him. Even drugs were a big part because I loved HIM! It was the way to go ...so as not to lose him. He is very manipulative, controlling, mean, and verbally abusive of a man. I knew it all along. Oh, I tolerated it all! Im glad I can write this down because I don't know what else is going to happen with my life. Today or tommarow. This whole year I stood by him . I had flags and ignored them because NO WAY would he do that too me... not me! his lovin wife! We had been going back and forth during this whole year of separation his place my place rather his moms. He wouldnt move in with me after I got a new apt so that we both could be together after I had kicked him out . I remember he said he would move in, but for what He already had freedom! I worked so hard to not break my marriage and divorce was out of the question, but now I realize he wanted to leave me and all it took was a little small argument last night. We had many fights and debated about taking each other back, but something got in the way which was better then me! This time! I know now! HE EFFEN WANTED HIS FREEDOM. It hit me just today! He want to be free to go about his buisness of Drugs, Sex and younger women. I'm 50 look good not ugly just a little overweight. Chunky he called me the other night..lately I was hearing this word Chunky alot, and I never thought in my whole life with him had I heard him call me that. He said I would never EFFEN Cheat as he walked out the door last nite. Throught out this year of separation I honestly smelled a perfume on his t-shirts under arm area. He said I was crazy & delusional, but I knew what I smelled. I let it fly.. but it was there again and then again,even on my bed covers one time but no way I thought. Oh hell HOw did I let this go on? This is what happened last night... All it took was for me to say "HEY help me out once in a while around the apt." I had just got home from work. He sprung up out of bed and said you BIT c h. I washed dishes ! I said that was not enough at least pick up! . (he has not worked for 2 years) & he started cursing me out..I mean bad words I have not heard ever. Tramp, *****, Effen B, Fat B, Stupid Eff..as he Stuffed his little belongings into his duffel bag. I said with a BANG pointing my finger at him..I DON'T NEED YOU I SACRAFIED MY LIFE FOR YOU I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE I WILL BE HAPPIER WITHOUT YOU! Just hurry up and get out! See if any other women will take your sorry poor Asssss....and He continued to curse at me:cussing: Our son (19)came in and walked right out! Poor baby...he is a great kid I paid for his Med Clinical classes and his Father NADA! UHHHHHH. Anyway, he said don't call me to come back..I said I never do. Tonight they are having our son a Bday dinner. I will not attend. They are all going to find out eventually that it is over! It was so easy for him to leave me I really believe he was waiting for this moment. I think he was anxious to go see the other person or just have his cake and eat it too! I AM A FREE WOMAN, BUT IT HURTS ! ray: HELP ME GET OVER HIM FAST........


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