# Do women want a dominant man?



## cherrypie18

At the end of the day isn't a rugged masculine dominant man what we really want deep down? 

Someone who's not too nice, too kind too gentle, not too in touch with their "feminine side", someone who will protect us, provide for us (whether we work or not) and most importantly won't let us walk all over him and knows how to take charge and make women respect them instead of whining that we don't and should? 

As far as I know, you earn respect, you make people respect you, you can't just demand to be respected when you do nothing to deserve it.


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## turnera

It's biological. Ask the cavemen and cavewomen.


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## okeydokie

nobody knows what woman wants at any given moment, and if you think you do it will change before you can act on it


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## sisters359

I want a man who is as tough as me--and that's pretty darn tough. I don't need someone to "take care of me" or "provide for me." I'm an adult and can do that for myself. But I do want someone who isn't afraid to stand up for himself and what he believes, even if it means conflict. That's totally different from the typical "dominant man" stuff I see, but a whole lot more attractive.


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## mitsi_mirage

My husband isn't too dominant, but at first it was a challenge. He is from Mexico, and expected me to be submissive to him. Well... it was a challenge for the both of us. Six years later, we now make mutual decisions and we both have opinions about things. 

It all comes down to the type of enviornment you live in. My parents who have lived in the US for 30 years are 50/50 in their marraige. His parents.... his father tells his mother what to do and she has to 'obey' him. I made it very clear to him I am not going to be that way. Living in the US has changed his mentality.


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## Blanca

i like the way my H is. He doesnt let anyone push him around, he's extremely competitive, but he's not a brute. He dominates not because he tries too, but simply because he works harder, is smarter, and more competitive then the people he's around. 

ive backed off trying to get him to be more emotional. i dont think id respect him if i talked to him like i talk to a girl.


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## MEM2020

yes yes yes

The most important things I have done to "connect" at a raw physical level:
- Stay really fit - not just cardio - upper body muscle - and no - not like a steroidal monkey - like what you would expect to see in an athletic guy in his mid twenties who just LIKES feeling strong

- Have an "edge" personality wise. When she wants to feel the edge she just has to push boundaries. The edge is not a temper tantrum - a screaming crazy person - it is a sharp tone of voice and a "do not fuuk with me" body language. It is a very short and on the mark response to male fitness testing behavior. 

Tonight it was threatening to spank her if she didn't sit down and relax while I went to pick up our son from his driving lesson. This is the sweet and sour sauce - the sweet is picking him up - the sour is spanking her if she argues about it. I don't know how that would work with other women - works really well with her. 

- It is not whining and complaining and talking about "negative" feelings I have. If I am scared about something I work on making the negative outcome less likely. FCS - man up - you are here to make HER feel safe - if you need a mommy don't expect to get laid very often. 

- It is getting really good at something/somethings so when you take charge it is based on skill and ability not just monkey aggression.....

I am very nice and quite helpful. I made a killer dinner tonight. BUT if there is a reciprocity issue or she takes a "tone" with me - then she gets as much edge as she seems to want. 



cherrypie18 said:


> At the end of the day isn't a rugged masculine dominant man what we really want deep down?
> 
> Someone who's not too nice, too kind too gentle, not too in touch with their "feminine side", someone who will protect us, provide for us (whether we work or not) and most importantly won't let us walk all over him and knows how to take charge and make women respect them instead of whining that we don't and should?
> 
> As far as I know, you earn respect, you make people respect you, you can't just demand to be respected when you do nothing to deserve it.


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## swedish

okeydokie said:


> nobody knows what woman wants at any given moment, and if you think you do it will change before you can act on it


Exactly!


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## swedish

okeydokie said:


> nobody knows what woman wants at any given moment, and if you think you do it will change before you can act on it


What? That's not true!


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## Amplexor

swedish said:


> Exactly!





swedish said:


> What? That's not true!


:rofl: Swede, you're a hoot. :rofl:


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## MarkTwain

Amplexor said:


> :rofl: Swede, you're a hoot. :rofl:


I know, and to think she could of had me if she had acted fast enough


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## okeydokie

but...but....i...er....wait a minute.....


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## swedish

But I gotta give props to you, okeydokie for attempting to figure us out!


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## Amplexor

swedish said:


> But I gotta give props to you, okeydokie for attempting to figure us out!


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## MarkTwain

I think women are turned on by dominance, but they don't want to live with it 24/7. That is to say, they love a rugged man's man for sure, but they don't want to be controlled for more than a few minuets at a time.

Think: Harrison Ford


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## swedish

To the OP's point:

- WHEN A WOMAN SAYS THIS:
"I want a sensitive guy..."

- WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS THIS:
"I want a guy who can be sensitive to MY feelings."

She does NOT want a guy who is sensitive in the way of breaking down in tears on a regular basis, or always "Sharing his feelings and heart" with a woman.

It may sound cold and old-fashioned, but this is true: Women don't feel attraction - gut-level, stop-her-heart attraction - for sensitive new-age guys.

You see women know that they live in a rather volatile and bumpy ride of emotions a great deal of the time, and they need someone who can ground them and give them a feeling of safety.


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## Amplexor

Good points Swede.

We've had a lot of threads and posts on "the dominant man" here of late. Does he need to be dominant? No. Confident? Yes. Maybe it's just semantics to some but I see a distinct difference. My wife has always admired my confidence. It was what drew her to me when we first met in a crowd of 200 people at a professional gathering. When that confidence morphed into dominance over time it pushed her away then it really hit the fan. When the marriage nearly failed, I lost that confidence and that pushed her away also. She had never seen me in that light and it turned her off. With time we got it all back at the proper levels.


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## swedish

That is interesting and makes total sense to me & there is a definite distinction between confidence and dominance that can have the opposite effect you're looking for if you misinterpret the two.


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## lastinline

I honestly think this varies with a woman based upon where she is in the timeline of a relationship. The very dominant traits that allowed my wife to happily select me when I was 20, now work against me at 40.

When my soon to be X was more interested in choosing a potential father for her kids, my physical strength, intelligence, and strong drive were very attractive to her. Six kids and a vasectomy later, she is definitely more interested in companionship than copulation, and my original skill set isn't working too well. 

LIL


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## MEM2020

YES - totally agree with this. 

As for the confidence/dominance I actually have a pretty strong view on this. 

- I think women are turned on by a man who can dominate a situation with other people - could be a social situation or a work situation. And not by raw monkey aggression - by skill. Socially maybe they dominate through humor - business through knowledge. Sports - through talent. Guys who are dominant in those ways tend to have very high quality female mates. 

- I agree they want you to be confident one on one with them - not dominant towards them - except in bed. 

- As for the dominant in bed stuff - it varies to some degree by woman and for each woman it varies by time in her cycle. More than half of women like a man to be somewhat dominant at least some of the time. 




swedish said:


> To the OP's point:
> 
> - WHEN A WOMAN SAYS THIS:
> "I want a sensitive guy..."
> 
> - WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS THIS:
> "I want a guy who can be sensitive to MY feelings."
> 
> She does NOT want a guy who is sensitive in the way of breaking down in tears on a regular basis, or always "Sharing his feelings and heart" with a woman.
> 
> It may sound cold and old-fashioned, but this is true: Women don't feel attraction - gut-level, stop-her-heart attraction - for sensitive new-age guys.
> 
> You see women know that they live in a rather volatile and bumpy ride of emotions a great deal of the time, and they need someone who can ground them and give them a feeling of safety.


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## SimplyAmorous

I am the more dominate in our marraige. I feel opposites attract for VERY good reasons, one being peace & tranquility in the home. Funny, cause my ever loving sensitive patient easy going husband has always been attracted to the "Rough" females, he seriously is turned on by the whip & chain type. I always laugh at this, not that I am this, but I could make a wicked female Drill Sergant - just ask my kids. And I will say, 95% of the time our marraige works beautifully. 

It is true, sometimes I wish he showed more of that dominance in the bedroom (I have started threads over this) but besides this, I have not missed it or longed for it. I simply know I would KNOCK heads with another similar to myself. 

He does have dominance in the way MEM describes, not as monkey aggression but SKILL on the job, integrity with people -earning others Respect. If these things can be classified as a form of dominance? Sounds good to me! 

He surely feels my equal, I don't believe all lesser dominants/passive types all beg or cry to their mates, that all are "wimpy". Many times he laughs at my "aggression" when I get upset & start ranting about something. He KNOWS how to bring the "calm" back into my world. The Role of the Protector maybe. He is our large families sole Provider. If these things can be classified as Dominant, not really sure. He surely carries HIS load- and does it well. 

I have a very close friend who I would call a typical dominate male, we fight alot -cause we both love to stir the pot & debate, he would probably NOT put up with me -and tells me this many times , and I feel the same about him! 

2 dominates living together might = HELL. And 2 passives living together would probably be very boring & uneventful. 

So the key is : Finding the man or woman who compliments our very differing personalities, who fills in the holes where we are not "that" way -this is a Beautiful thing. 

And , I ,being the more dominant do very much Enjoy the emotional/sensitive side of the lesser dominate male, not that I think that always goes away with a more dominate man, but I LOVE the mush, the doting, all that connectedness from the sweet more passive male. He does not need to distance himself from me to keep my attraction to him. (but I do not deny this works for many women) That would probably tick me off accually- then I would have to go find my whips & chains.


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## Chopblock

When this particular subject comes up, my answer is always the same. Women say they want something, until they actually get it.


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## Deejo

:iagree:

Ding, ding. We have a winner.

Mem said something (no idea which post, thread or timeframe) that really stuck with me. It went along the lines of "love them just a little bit less than they want to be loved.", and " a little fear on both sides is good."

And just as LIL pointed out, the very things that make you attractive as a husband, provider and father, invariably can facilitate the imbalance with expectations as a romantic partner and lover.

Dominance, Confidence, Alpha, Beta, Mars, Venus ... whatever the hell we want to call it ... women want a guy who can walk a tight-rope, and if the line is cut, seamlessly transition into a bungie jumper.


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## cb45

:iagree: :lol: :rofl: :iagree: :lol: :rofl: :iagree:

u'ze guys have me in stitches !  cb45


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## flatterpuss

okeydokie has a point 

and yes - I am a woman and i most CERTAINLY want a dominant man. I'm feminine, after all. The feminine is always attracted to a strong masculine. For sure.


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## tattoomommy

Amplexor said:


> Good points Swede.
> 
> We've had a lot of threads and posts on "the dominant man" here of late. Does he need to be dominant? No. Confident? Yes. Maybe it's just semantics to some but I see a distinct difference. My wife has always admired my confidence. It was what drew her to me when we first met in a crowd of 200 people at a professional gathering. When that confidence morphed into dominance over time it pushed her away then it really hit the fan. When the marriage nearly failed, I lost that confidence and that pushed her away also. She had never seen me in that light and it turned her off. With time we got it all back at the proper levels.


:iagree::iagree::iagree: TOTAL DIFFERENCE between the two. To me, dominance means they could care less about who or what they're dominating. They just want to be alpha. Confidence is sexy. I find my husband the most attractive when he's confident. He's tall and not at all muscular, covered in tattoos and has **** off practically written across his forehead. I don't need a caveman, I just need him to be that confident man he can be. Unfortunately, for some reason I make him lose that confidence and I don't know why


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## cb45

New Age guys? like they 
invented themselves? dont think so. more like they
adjusted to the changing world around them, tks in
part to being spoiled babyboomer boys from 50's/60's
(some), and womens lib. (which by the way is still ongoing
'round the world today). 

sure, generally speaking women want men to be confident
(moreso than dominant)and in control of most things, esp
the stressful things/times of life. work, bills, financial
decisions etc. this can/does include the bedrm as well.

but....let a woman become "bored" then listen to the wheels
inside her head start to turn. oh boy then watch them 
turn. then feel them turn, just for kicks mind u.

this fits most folk in one way or another, 'cept 4 those who
r at the two opposite-extremes.....Men dom Women, 
& Women Dom Men. These r the miniority/few, say 5%
the most( if even 1%).

in short, men r a demasculated version of what they used
to be. sure there r some neanderthal holdouts, but they
fare any no better w/ the ladies than do the new age types
(re: rel'shps & the like). just get laid more perhaps. 
its not all the womens libbers fault, either. men allowed it
to happen on all societal & governmental levels. i guess
we had too many neville chamberlains in bureaucratic 
positions (wonder what that would look like in the bedrm eh
amorous? ) [couldnt resist, sorry.  ).

i'd like to read here less mocking of H/W for what they
turned out to be, seeing as they have 2 strikes against
'em. that is, both the past blunders briefly described 
here, and u, yes u, (be u M or F) manipulating the game
to yer advantage(s) when u can or suits u.

i.e. M & F, take some(alot?)credit for todays present 
state of affairs w/ yer H/W. look in mirror, look at the
big picture of the hows/whys.

"i'm looking at man in the mirror, i'm asking him to change
his ways....." MJax :fro:


:rules:--------------------------------------------cb45


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## Deejo

cb45 said:


> "i'm looking at man in the mirror, i'm asking him to change
> his ways....." MJax :fro:
> 
> 
> :rules:--------------------------------------------cb45


  Aaaand now I can't get that song out of my head, thank you very much cb45.


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## cb45

FUNNY, but i seem to do that to people at my work quite often.

(thats a fair warning to all, i like to quote songs too).

peace to all -------------------------------------cb45


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## Blue Moon

yessir


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## okeydokie

swedish said:


> That is interesting and makes total sense to me & there is a definite distinction between confidence and dominance that can have the opposite effect you're looking for if you misinterpret the two.




whuuut? :scratchhead:


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## jhef83

Ok let me get this straight. My wife's been kind of cold to me lately so instead of kissing her butt like I've been doing for the last 4-5 months I should give it right back to her? Sounds like a good idea since I've done a ton of nice things lately and got nowhere. She is a hot head going through menopause but I need a new tactic. I recently went back to work after a 4 month lay off so I think my stock has went up some. I quit phoning her unless absolutely necessary. And I haven't said "Honey why are you treating me this way" for a while either. What are some other manly things I can do to get her mouse wheel spinning without pissing her off? She's going on a trip in July for 2 weeks and I want her to miss me not be glad to be rid of me.:scratchhead: I am thinking of buying a bike. I haven't had one since before we were married. Something big and loud.


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## MEM2020

Not cold - just less available. In fact friendly but a different kind of friendly. 

How about you make an effort to be more attractive and less available. 

More attractive (to her) could be:
- Being more upbeat fun to be around (NOT complimenting her) just fun/playful in a non-sexual way
- Dressing a little nicer
- Light drop of that cologne she likes
- Better haircut
- If there are games/sports/card/board she likes - schedule some of that

Less available:
- Go to the gym more/longer
- Go do something new - takes you out of the house
- Don't do things that are going to put you in proximity of other women/younger women/drunk women

When at home make a conscious effort to compliment TASKS she completes well - nice dinner - say thanks - if she bought something nice for the house - same thing. 

Back WAY OFF on initiating:
- I love you
- You are beautiful/sexy etc
- Hugs
- Massages if you normally give them - make em good but short or tell her you are tired and would like one from HER
- Giving her sexy looks, or making sexual comments to her/about her
- Initiating sex (don't initiate - just be patient and ignore it - like it is not an option) unless SHE initiates in which case don't say much just start undressing
- Gifts
- Dinners out, etc

If she says/does those things to you - respond warmly. But don't overdo it or seem relieved/anxious. If she says ILY, you can always smile or wink at her. If she hugs - don't seem relieved and DON'T hug longer than she does. 

If she gets *****y/nasty with you - just calmly disengage. "You seem upset/angry, and I don't like your tone so lets talk later" and get up and walk away. 

If your new job is stressful don't vent with her... Tell her the funny stories from your day and keep the bad stuff to a minimum unless you can even make those parts funny also. Just say "I am glad to be contributing financially again"





jhef83 said:


> Ok let me get this straight. My wife's been kind of cold to me lately so instead of kissing her butt like I've been doing for the last 4-5 months I should give it right back to her? Sounds like a good idea since I've done a ton of nice things lately and got nowhere. She is a hot head going through menopause but I need a new tactic. I recently went back to work after a 4 month lay off so I think my stock has went up some. I quit phoning her unless absolutely necessary. And I haven't said "Honey why are you treating me this way" for a while either. What are some other manly things I can do to get her mouse wheel spinning without pissing her off? She's going on a trip in July for 2 weeks and I want her to miss me not be glad to be rid of me.:scratchhead: I am thinking of buying a bike. I haven't had one since before we were married. Something big and loud.


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## sailorgirl

I grew up with a controlling, dominant father who felt a woman's place was barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. That a woman should not make decisions in the marriage. He even picked out my mom's clothes. It drove a huge wedge between and was one of the major reasons she started drinking and eventually left him.

Though I do not feel that it excuses her from drinking. But I can see how it was a temporary escape. 

So no, I do not want a dominant man. I do want a man though who is confident, strong and capable of being a mature responsible adult.
I do not see that as being dominant. 

I don't want a man who is going to say "we do this my way or the highway" I do want a man who is willing to discuss major issues in the relationship such as money, jobs, savings, where to live ect... 

I don't want a man who is a weeping willow whose's feelings are always on display. I do want a man though, who is willing to talk with me and discuss his emotions, his dreams, his hopes who is willing to share himself with his wife and close friends and family.


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## jhef83

OK I'll give it a try. Honestly I thought after you got married you were done with the head games. Thought it was OK to be yourself and all that. I don't know what she finds attractive now. I'm 6' 185 lbs. tanned from years of working outside. I do have some bad frown lines from the sun which make me look too serious but I'm working on those. I might need to add a big old beer gut and a beard to get her attention? :rofl:


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## JustAnotherGuy1

MarkTwain said:


> I think women are turned on by dominance, but they don't want to live with it 24/7. That is to say, the love a rugged man's man for sure, but they don't want to be controlled for more than a few minuets at a time.
> 
> Think: Harrison Ford


In short, fantasy figure.

The 'dominant man' wish is exactly, and I mean _exactly_, equivalent to the male desire for an orgy with the Swedish Bikini Team, or to be able to sleep around and still have his wife/girlfriend loyal and waiting. On a more diluted scale it's like a guy who fantasizes about his wife doing a whole bunch of things he wouldn't really like if she really did them, because fantasy and reality don't usually mix well.

(The question being whether he _realizes _he wouldn't really like it in reality.)

It's a natural biological desire/impulse that more often than not can't and should not be indulged, or is best indulged carefully.


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## JustAnotherGuy1

Chopblock said:


> When this particular subject comes up, my answer is always the same. Women say they want something, until they actually get it.


Not just women, that's _humans_. And there's a huge amount of truth in it, because it's so very, very easy to forget that reality _*never *_works like fantasy, sexual, romantic, or otherwise. Whatever it is you want, how long you've wanted it, or why you want it, the reality _will _be different than the expectation. It may be disappointing and not as good as you expected, it may even be better than you expected, it _will _be different than you expected.

This is _so _easy to forget...


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## AliceA

cherrypie18 said:


> At the end of the day isn't a rugged masculine dominant man what we really want deep down?
> 
> Someone who's not too nice, too kind too gentle, not too in touch with their "feminine side", someone who will protect us, provide for us (whether we work or not) and most importantly won't let us walk all over him and knows how to take charge and make women respect them instead of whining that we don't and should?
> 
> As far as I know, you earn respect, you make people respect you, you can't just demand to be respected when you do nothing to deserve it.


We all want that perfect person who can fill all our voids, whatever they may be.

Women *and* men want confident, capable partners who automatically know what we need, and who will provide it without question.

We yearn for that, and when they don't give us what we need, we blame them, we assume it's because *they* are lacking something, either confidence, sensitivity/empathy, strength or whatever.

Is every woman wanting to be submissive and is searching for a partner who can be her dominant? I don't think so. Are many women searching for that 'perfect' partner, and in their mind, they're picturing that guy on the cover of some erotica novel? Probably.


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## Smoothie

okeydokie said:


> whuuut? :scratchhead:


To be dominant is to be an *******, to be confident is to be smart and in control. It's the difference between a jerk in a nightclub and Indiana Jones.


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## Runs like Dog

It has not been my experience that being like her is any better or worse than not being like her. In my house 'dominant' just means you volunteered to do more chores. I think what women want is employees not partners.


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## Atholk

Women enjoy being dominated by men they are attracted to; hate it by men they are not attracted to.

There's also a sort of a chicken and egg thing here.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

As a WOMAN - no, I personally am not attracted to a domineering man.

All of us WOMEN are not the same, just as all of the MEN aren't.

I am very dominant myself and am more attracted to a kind, loving, sensitive, quiet man.

My husband of the last 26 years is quiet and used to be loving, kind and sensitive - but not so much anymore - part of this is probably 26 years (people grow up and change) and part of it has to due with the brain damage caused by his TBI.

It's one of the reasons that we have been having issues is BECAUSE he is not the kind, quiet, loving, sensitive man I used to be married to.

He has become more dominant, insensitive, etc., and I DON'T LIKE IT.

So we are not all cut from the same cloth.

Some of us truly do like and respect the "nice guys."


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## woodstock

I want a man who is master of HIS domain, but doesn't dominate me in mine.


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## Atholk

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> and part of it has to due with the brain damage caused by his TBI.


I think this discounts your perspective in this discussion a little.

TBI is a much greater and harder issue than merely who is taking the lead in the relationship. It's not really a dominance and submission sort of issue anymore. TBI is very hard going. 

Hang in there.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Atholk said:


> I think this discounts your perspective in this discussion a little.
> 
> TBI is a much greater and harder issue than merely who is taking the lead in the relationship. It's not really a dominance and submission sort of issue anymore. TBI is very hard going.
> 
> Hang in there.


I realize that.

My main point being - he was not dominant when I married him and this is the type of man I prefer.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Answering for 1 female only.
> No, thank you.
> I do not need anyone to absolve me from the full consequences of making decisions for my own life that I was born into. To think that there would be another human being on the face of the earth that I would want to willingly give control over my life to, who has no more experience in the world than I do, and even less knowledge of my needs, physical and emotional, is beyond what I would consider rational or even sane.


:iagree: and very well said.

Nice guys rule! At least for me...


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## unbelievable

Stroll through the romance novel section of any bookstore. The covers are full of soldiers, gangsters, outlaws, pirates, etc. Not a lot of reliable accountants or sensitive flower-arranging guys on the covers. Vicious killers on death row are showered with marriage proposals while legions of post-modernist sensitive husbands jump through fiery hoops in vain to put a grin on their wife's face.


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## Trenton

You can work an ordinary job and be a protector/provider of a man. The extremes are what women think they want but what they really want is a toned down version of that in my honest opinion.


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## Syrum

MEM11363 said:


> yes yes yes
> 
> 
> - Have an "edge" personality wise. When she wants to feel the edge she just has to push boundaries. The edge is not a temper tantrum - a screaming crazy person - it is a sharp tone of voice and a "do not fuuk with me" body language. It is a very short and on the mark response to male fitness testing behavior.
> 
> Tonight it was threatening to spank her if she didn't sit down and relax while I went to pick up our son from his driving lesson. This is the sweet and sour sauce - the sweet is picking him up - the sour is spanking her if she argues about it. I don't know how that would work with other women - works really well with her.
> 
> - It is not whining and complaining and talking about "negative" feelings I have. If I am scared about something I work on making the negative outcome less likely. FCS - man up - you are here to make HER feel safe - if you need a mommy don't expect to get laid very often.
> 
> - It is getting really good at something/somethings so when you take charge it is based on skill and ability not just monkey aggression.....
> 
> I am very nice and quite helpful. I made a killer dinner tonight. BUT if there is a reciprocity issue or she takes a "tone" with me - then she gets as much edge as she seems to want.


I like this post.:smthumbup:


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## Freak On a Leash

Only in bed! :smthumbup:


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## Runs like Dog

Women like a-holes. But they marry nice guys and them dump them when they cheat on them for a-holes who some other woman dumped.


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## WhereAmI

Runs like Dog said:


> Women like a-holes. But they marry nice guys and them dump them when they cheat on them for a-holes who some other woman dumped.


I hope you're planning on starting your own thread soon. I know you don't see any resolution to your current issues with your wife, but I really think the men on this site can steer you in the right direction. Your wife is a piece of work, but you _can_ resolve this and be happy. Stop letting her win.


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## WhereAmI

Freak On a Leash said:


> Only in bed! :smthumbup:


A-flippin-men.


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## major misfit

Runs like Dog said:


> Women like a-holes. But they marry nice guys and them dump them when they cheat on them for a-holes who some other woman dumped.


Not true. I think it's horrible and a sad testament to today's woman that you feel that way. I can honestly say that an "a-hole" wouldn't last ten seconds with me. 

I don't want a dominant man (except, as FOAL said..in the bedroom! ). Wouldn't work for me. I want a partner. I don't need someone telling when, how or where to do something, or how to act. Dominant men tend to do these things. Partnership. That's for me.


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## woodstock

No one wants an A-Hole, but I think women do want a strong man. A strong man is confident, will take charge when need be without stepping all over a women, have a voice without denying the woman hers, and be able to voice what he wants and needs.

An a-hole demands instead of asking, drags the woman along instead of taking charge and leading, is arrogant and not confident, and abuses his voice, or uses it negatively while denying the woman any voice (I suppose a lot of this would also describe the female version of a B**ch and a good woman)


----------



## Freak On a Leash

WhereAmI said:


> A-flippin-men.


That too... I have no shame. :rofl:


----------



## Runs like Dog

WhereAmI said:


> I hope you're planning on starting your own thread soon. I know you don't see any resolution to your current issues with your wife, but I really think the men on this site can steer you in the right direction. Your wife is a piece of work, but you _can_ resolve this and be happy. Stop letting her win.


See the weird thing is that everything else aside I am 1 million percent sure my wife would never ever cheat on me in any fashion. Call it loyalty or repression or whathaveyou, but there it is. I can only speak from experience at second hand.

Virtually 100% of the married or formerly married women my wife and I know have or are carrying on affairs. 2 are married to the men they cheated with. All but one is divorced and the one who isn't is married to a guy who bugged their phones and knew about her affair(s) almost from day 1. But in every other case, even if you take what they say or said about their husbands at face value and those guys are every bit the losers their wives described them as, their current mates are EVEN BIGGER LOSERS and they wouldn't argue with you. They're lazier, slimier, drunker, creepier and less successful. And the women are already half out the door to the next poor dumb creep.

So do women want a-holes? Yeah I think so. Or at the least they want someone they think are a-holes in relation to THEM. One woman's broken bird I'll-fix-you syndrome is another woman's superiority over someone she doesn't think very highly of (nor should she).


----------



## Syrum

Runs like Dog said:


> Women like a-holes. But they marry nice guys and them dump them when they cheat on them for a-holes who some other woman dumped.


Not true, I do not like A holes. I want my man to be very thoughtful, considerate and loving. You can be a man and not be a jerk.


----------



## Halien

As a middle aged couple, my wife and I sometimes look back on the early years and make fun of ourselves. I'm a very high motivated dominant driver. When we went through counseling before our marriage, I cringed every time it was brought up because it seems that society links this to being selfish, inconsiderate and uncaring. Finally, my wife said, "will you quit trying to deny it? I like it." Then, I went to work in a place that adjusts your career track based on your personality. My data sheet says "Dominant Driver".

It seems that my family's favorite past time is putting on the sad romances on DVD night. I'm the one that cries through every one of them.

The tactic that has helped me in my marriage is to learn the areas (which are many) where my wife is smarter and best suited to lead, and be her supporter in these areas.


----------



## PeteK

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am the more dominate in our marraige. I feel opposites attract for VERY good reasons, one being peace & tranquility in the home. Funny, cause my ever loving sensitive patient easy going husband has always been attracted to the "Rough" females, he seriously is turned on by the whip & chain type. I always laugh at this, not that I am this, but I could make a wicked female Drill Sergant - just ask my kids. And I will say, 95% of the time our marraige works beautifully.
> 
> It is true, sometimes I wish he showed more of that dominance in the bedroom (I have started threads over this) but besides this, I have not missed it or longed for it. I simply know I would KNOCK heads with another similar to myself.
> 
> He does have dominance in the way MEM describes, not as monkey aggression but SKILL on the job, integrity with people -earning others Respect. If these things can be classified as a form of dominance? Sounds good to me!
> 
> He surely feels my equal, I don't believe all lesser dominants/passive types all beg or cry to their mates, that all are "wimpy". Many times he laughs at my "aggression" when I get upset & start ranting about something. He KNOWS how to bring the "calm" back into my world. The Role of the Protector maybe. He is our large families sole Provider. If these things can be classified as Dominant, not really sure. He surely carries HIS load- and does it well.
> 
> I have a very close friend who I would call a typical dominate male, we fight alot -cause we both love to stir the pot & debate, he would probably NOT put up with me -and tells me this many times , and I feel the same about him!
> 
> 2 dominates living together might = HELL. And 2 passives living together would probably be very boring & uneventful.
> 
> So the key is : Finding the man or woman who compliments our very differing personalities, who fills in the holes where we are not "that" way -this is a Beautiful thing.
> 
> And , I ,being the more dominant do very much Enjoy the emotional/sensitive side of the lesser dominate male, not that I think that always goes away with a more dominate man, but I LOVE the mush, the doting, all that connectedness from the sweet more passive male. He does not need to distance himself from me to keep my attraction to him. (but I do not deny this works for many women) That would probably tick me off accually- then I would have to go find my whips & chains.


I could not agree more!


----------



## AFEH

Halien said:


> As a middle aged couple, my wife and I sometimes look back on the early years and make fun of ourselves. I'm a very high motivated dominant driver. When we went through counseling before our marriage, I cringed every time it was brought up because it seems that society links this to being selfish, inconsiderate and uncaring. Finally, my wife said, "will you quit trying to deny it? I like it." Then, I went to work in a place that adjusts your career track based on your personality. My data sheet says "Dominant Driver".
> 
> It seems that my family's favorite past time is putting on the sad romances on DVD night. I'm the one that cries through every one of them.
> 
> The tactic that has helped me in my marriage is to learn the areas (which are many) where my wife is smarter and best suited to lead, and be her supporter in these areas.


Ha! I did that Thompson test decades ago for Dominance, Influence, Stability, Compliance. Massive scores in Dominance and Influence, very low in Stability and Compliance.

From my starting position in life I needed Dominance and Influence to get anywhere! Strangely the Influence moderated the Dominance, in that I Influenced the Dominance as opposed to ramming it home. My value was in leading, not following, not managing, not administrating. But it’s what I call an assertive, consultative leader! Someone’s gotta do that stuff, we can’t all be followers. The world needs different people, all sorts of different people and each and everyone has their own unique value in any given situation.

But what worked for me then doesn’t work for me now. Now I’m upping my Stability and Compliance, simply because I want to consolidate and “make safe” what I have. I seek new pastures no more, I hope.


----------



## Ayrun

In my experience ladies want you to be in a gray area between ******* and sensitive. I've never met a single woman, save one, who said she was attracted to submissive guys. Most of em tell me they are really turned off by that. I think it's instinctual to want the man to be dominant.


----------



## kelevra

Amplexor said:


> Good points Swede.
> 
> We've had a lot of threads and posts on "the dominant man" here of late. Does he need to be dominant? No. Confident? Yes. Maybe it's just semantics to some but I see a distinct difference. My wife has always admired my confidence. It was what drew her to me when we first met in a crowd of 200 people at a professional gathering. When that confidence morphed into dominance over time it pushed her away then it really hit the fan. When the marriage nearly failed, I lost that confidence and that pushed her away also. She had never seen me in that light and it turned her off. With time we got it all back at the proper levels.


Amp, How did you get back on track, I am in a similiar situation


----------



## Runs like Dog

Women want staff. Not your 'staff'.


----------



## southbound

okeydokie said:


> nobody knows what woman wants at any given moment, and if you think you do it will change before you can act on it


Not to be funny or sarcastic, but I agree. I've even had women say to me that this is true. It may not be 100% true, but somehow it appears that way most of the time. That's the way my x was, she didn't know what she wanted from one minute to the next. Whatever could be the most confusing was what she seemed to want.


----------



## bossesgirl26

Who in the hell wants a candyass man? To me that is a huge turn off. I want a man who is a man's man, alpha male. No sissy. I don't want him to boss me around and be a jerk. But the man should be the leader, head of the house. I want my husband to protect me and take care of me. Not because I can't take care of myself, but because he wants to. My husband has spanked me before, I love it, melt in his hands. He hasn't done it alot, but if I am wayyy out of line and mouthing he will put a brush to my ass. But he respects my brain, my opinions, etc. He is not a pig. Just a man, strong physically and mentally.


----------



## Syrum

bossesgirl26 said:


> Who in the hell wants a candyass man? To me that is a huge turn off. I want a man who is a man's man, alpha male. No sissy. I don't want him to boss me around and be a jerk. But the man should be the leader, head of the house. I want my husband to protect me and take care of me. Not because I can't take care of myself, but because he wants to. My husband has spanked me before, I love it, melt in his hands. He hasn't done it alot, but if I am wayyy out of line and mouthing he will put a brush to my ass. But he respects my brain, my opinions, etc. He is not a pig. Just a man, strong physically and mentally.


Well that sounds good.

I don't want my fiance to be a jerk either, but I quite like being bossed around.


----------



## Runs like Dog

Push that damn vacuum around!


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Runs like Dog said:


> Push that damn vacuum around!


cum on dog...
thats my job to tell Syrum that!

now, Push that damn vacuum around Syrum


----------



## Runs like Dog

Her: "make me feel like a woman!"
Him: "do my laundry!"


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Runs like Dog said:


> Her: "make me feel like a woman!"
> Him: "do my laundry!"


ha

"bj first, then do my laundry!"


----------



## bossesgirl26

"But I like it when he tells me to do things, if he said "Baby, go and do X" then I would and I especially like it when he tells me to give him a BJ. But he's not a jerk and he also takes care of me. "

Yes I am with you! My husband will say playfully, yeah go have fun tonight but not til after your on your knees. He says it playing but I know what that means.


----------



## Syrum

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> ha
> 
> "bj first, then do my laundry!"


I thought I said you weren't a Jerk and you took care of me too?  
Wouldn't that be BJ, HJ, Sex then Hugging?


----------



## Mrs.G

woodstock said:


> No one wants an A-Hole, but I think women do want a strong man. A strong man is confident, will take charge when need be without stepping all over a women, have a voice without denying the woman hers, and be able to voice what he wants and needs.Hit it right on the head! This is the kind of man I am married to.
> 
> An a-hole demands instead of asking, drags the woman along instead of taking charge and leading, is arrogant and not confident, and abuses his voice, or uses it negatively while denying the woman any voice (I suppose a lot of this would also describe the female version of a B**ch and a good woman)When I was 20, I did what many sheltered and naive young women do; I started dating a controlling older man. At first, I was in awe of his "experience", but as I grew older and became more confident, I could see that I could no longer be with a man who liked to use age to manipulate me, pressure me for sex and constantly scream in my face. This ugly troll liked to bellow "I AM OLDER!! I KNOW BETTER! YOU NEED TO LISTEN! YOU HAVE TO!!" He was an *******.


----------



## chasethecase

In my honest opinion a man just needs to know when to put his foot down.

you can spend your entire life waiting for the right moment, or you can take action and make the moment right.


----------



## AppleDucklings

In the bedroom, yes. In general, I guess it depends on the situation.


----------



## Entropy3000

lastinline said:


> *I honestly think this varies with a woman based upon where she is in the timeline of a relationship. * The very dominant traits that allowed my wife to happily select me when I was 20, now work against me at 40.
> 
> When my soon to be X was more interested in choosing a potential father for her kids, my physical strength, intelligence, and strong drive were very attractive to her. Six kids and a vasectomy later, she is definitely more interested in companionship than copulation, and my original skill set isn't working too well.
> 
> LIL


Many different cycles and meso cycles. Lets not forget the menstrual cycle either. What is attractive to a woman changes during the month.


----------



## Arnold

Seems one person's "dominant" is another person's "controlling/abuser". And one person's "passive/beta" is another person's "resonable/compromiser".
I think you just have to be yourself and try to find someone that finds you attractive as you are.

The problem seems to be that folks marry exppecting they can change their partner, fundamentally.


----------



## Entropy3000

jhef83 said:


> OK I'll give it a try. *Honestly I thought after you got married you were done with the head games. *Thought it was OK to be yourself and all that. I don't know what she finds attractive now. I'm 6' 185 lbs. tanned from years of working outside. I do have some bad frown lines from the sun which make me look too serious but I'm working on those. I might need to add a big old beer gut and a beard to get her attention? :rofl:


Most of us made that mistake. Who knew!?


----------



## Entropy3000

Atholk said:


> *Women enjoy being dominated by men they are attracted to; hate it by men they are not attracted to.*
> 
> There's also a sort of a chicken and egg thing here.


Indeed.


----------



## Sawney Beane

_SOME_ women like _SOME_ degree of dominance from _SOME_ men _SOME_ of the time.

Unless you have the sort of mind that can spend all week looking for one piece of a jigsaw, accept that figuring out the detail is just too much like hard work.


----------



## bubbly girl

I love having a dominant man. He makes me feel very safe and secure. He takes care of me and I take care of him in a softer, more submissive, feminine way. It works for us.


----------



## annagarret

I think instead of the word dominant I like the word masculine, very masculine. There are to many men that can't hold a job, change a flat tire or take care of a family that they made. Thank God I don't have one of those and I know that there are a lot of awesome hard-working men out there. Is just seems that because women try to do everything for themselves they don't allow men to be men. They rob men of the their masculinity. 

Not me, I love the old-fashion type of man who can work hard, can fix things, loves football, sex, budweiser, and steak and potatoes!!!!


----------



## SimplyAmorous

annagarret said:


> Not me, I love the old-fashion type of man who can work hard, can fix things, loves football, sex, budweiser, and steak and potatoes!!!!


I agree with all of this except I would take out the Football and not too much booze. I hate sports, I am so glad my husband was a nerd in school cause he is So -NOT into sports. 

He is a heck of Handyman, and I love that about him , it is so very rare we have to hire outside help for anything, and when we do, it swear they do a lousy Job, and he ends up fixing there blunders anyway, especially when vehicle related.


----------



## YupItsMe

If you do, come on over :rofl:


----------



## twowheeltravel

My thoughts.

Women can be like cats. They only want to give you attention/ affection when they want it back. How many women tell their husbands they love them only because they want to hear it back?

Women don't respect men who give them everything they want. And they will keep taking as long as your giving. ( I've heard that from a few women)

Women don't want to be treated like little children but respect a man that will call them to the carpet for being out of control or disrespecting them.

Women will want to be in charge of some things but when things go wrong they are quick to find a reason for the man to be responsible for the problem. Or expect the man to fix it.


----------



## bubbly girl

annagarret said:


> Not me, I love the old-fashion type of man who can work hard, can fix things, loves football, sex, budweiser, and steak and potatoes!!!!


That's my kind of man too! 

I always find myself getting turned on when I watch him fix something around the house. LOL


----------



## Stonewall

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am the more dominate in our marraige. I feel opposites attract for VERY good reasons, one being peace & tranquility in the home. Funny, cause my ever loving sensitive patient easy going husband has always been attracted to the "Rough" females, he seriously is turned on by the whip & chain type. I always laugh at this, not that I am this, but I could make a wicked female Drill Sergant - just ask my kids. And I will say, 95% of the time our marraige works beautifully.
> 
> It is true, sometimes I wish he showed more of that dominance in the bedroom (I have started threads over this) but besides this, I have not missed it or longed for it. I simply know I would KNOCK heads with another similar to myself.
> 
> He does have dominance in the way MEM describes, not as monkey aggression but SKILL on the job, integrity with people -earning others Respect. If these things can be classified as a form of dominance? Sounds good to me!
> 
> He surely feels my equal, I don't believe all lesser dominants/passive types all beg or cry to their mates, that all are "wimpy". Many times he laughs at my "aggression" when I get upset & start ranting about something. He KNOWS how to bring the "calm" back into my world. The Role of the Protector maybe. He is our large families sole Provider. If these things can be classified as Dominant, not really sure. He surely carries HIS load- and does it well.
> 
> I have a very close friend who I would call a typical dominate male, we fight alot -cause we both love to stir the pot & debate, he would probably NOT put up with me -and tells me this many times , and I feel the same about him!
> 
> 2 dominates living together might = HELL. And 2 passives living together would probably be very boring & uneventful.
> 
> So the key is : Finding the man or woman who compliments our very differing personalities, who fills in the holes where we are not "that" way -this is a Beautiful thing.
> 
> And , I ,being the more dominant do very much Enjoy the emotional/sensitive side of the lesser dominate male, not that I think that always goes away with a more dominate man, but I LOVE the mush, the doting, all that connectedness from the sweet more passive male. He does not need to distance himself from me to keep my attraction to him. (but I do not deny this works for many women) That would probably tick me off accually- then I would have to go find my whips & chains.


Yet again, more of the parellel universes!


----------



## Runs like Dog

women want staff.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

My husband is a very nice guy type. More so then most men! I'm the luckiest woman in the world! He's always put my needs before his and I love him dearly. I wouldn't want it any other way or any other man. He's not dominant, but very confident. We're perfect for each other. We live in a very peaceful house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bubbly girl

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My husband is a very nice guy type. More so then most men! I'm the luckiest woman in the world! He's always put my needs before his and I love him dearly. I wouldn't want it any other way or any other man. He's not dominant, but very confident. We're perfect for each other. We live in a very peaceful house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Confidence is VERY sexy.:smthumbup:


----------



## Lionelhutz

I bet cavewomen may have liked the security of a tough dominant caveman, but their sexual fantasies centred around a sensitive and gentle man. 

Humans are perpetually fascinated by what they don't have.

However, I think it is obviously true that a majority of women are sexually attracted to outward signs of dominance and status.


----------



## TwoDogs

Sign me up for the non-dominant man, please.

I wouldn't last 10 minutes in a relationship with a dominant guy. We are partners/equals or we are nothing.

My friends are all in successful marriages ranging from 15 to 35+ years in length, and not one of the husbands could be characterized as "dominant".


----------



## Crazy8

Things like this confuse me. 

If this were true, please explain the appeal of Justin Timberlake. I think he's 140 pounds and could scarcely dominate a flea. Yet women love him. He also sings like a woman. 

Another thing is that I think women want dominance on their own terms. It's like me saying to the sun that I want only enough of it to give me a golden tan, but no more. Then I get upset because I get a sun burn. And that's the thing. It doesn't work that way.

It seems to me that the women who get the dominant man, want the dominant man for a bit, then they want the sensitive guy. Then they wad that guy up, and then become lost as to what they want. And I think that's where a lot of women, if not most women are stuck.


----------



## Crazy8

Lionelhutz said:


> I bet cavewomen may have liked the security of a tough dominant caveman, but their sexual fantasies centred around a sensitive and gentle man.
> 
> Humans are perpetually fascinated by what they don't have.
> 
> However, I think it is obviously true that a majority of women are sexually attracted to outward signs of dominance and status.


:smthumbup:

Maybe that's it. Project outward dominance when out in the world, and let them run you in the house? :scratchhead:

The problem I have in my marriage isn't really the dynamic of dominance. I'm dominant sometimes, and she's dominant sometimes.

Where I run into trouble is probably my ego. I want to be treated like a king and respected, while I treat her like a queen and respect her. I feel like we both work hard enough to warrant that.

Instead, I feel like a guest/butler/maid in my house more than I feel like the king of it. I got busted last night for leaving something small on my nightstand. Our 1 and a half year old daughter could've swallowed it. 

To me, going the "dominant" route and sticking with it would be a cop-out. Sure, I can bang my chest, and say "I'm the man, I do man things, you do woman things like raise kids and clean the house, and I'll go play golf." but I'd be divorced in 3 months.

Mark my words here, though. I don't know that you can be what women view as a "dominant man" and scrub toilets. Do you want a guy to scrub toilets? Not for a living. I mean in the house. Do you want a man to help you scrub toilets and do dishes and the like? Then you probably don't want a stereo-typical dominant man.

Personally, I think women want a partner. Not some overblown fantasy of a dominant guy. Sure, it'd be great for 2 days, but it would get old fast.


----------



## moxy

I don't think you can simplify it or reduce it like that to get an accurate gauge. I have to wonder if it is women who are weak that want men who will boss them around all the time and control them -- and that's essentially what real domination is. Strong women generally don't want that. However, there are aspects of dominant behavior that can be attractive in the right contexts.

While the occasional dominance is appealing and sexy, it isn't an overall character trait that you will find helps a marriage. Partnership and equality are more desirable than domination when it comes to every day experiences and power dynamics in a relationship. There's nothing attractive about a quid pro quo relationship, either, where everything is so equal that there's no more authentic emotion involved. 

Most women are attracted to men than have the ability to take charge of a situation, to see through all the problems of the moment to the bigger picture. This has more to do with strength of character, leadership skills, and ability to protect than it does about dominance itself. Of course, you also find plenty of women that prefer being the ones in charge and want their men to acknowledge that. A little dominance in the bedroom is a great thing, not necessarily riding crops and safe words, but the idea that passion exists and is overwhelming enough to override the niceties and politeness of every day exchanges. A man who is passionate and assertive about his sexuality because his desire for his woman leads him is very sexy (unless his boundary-pushing ignores the idea of consent entirely). In that case, the dominant behavior is related to the feeling of desirability. Who doesn't want to be with a person who says, sometimes, "I want you so much that I'm going to lead you through an experience to pleasure and all you have to do is relax and enjoy it." It's freeing, indulgent. In non-bedroom speech, you can change "want" to value" and "pleasure" to "happiness", of course.

This is a somewhat troubling issue. In healthy relationships, the power dynamics should be closer to equal. In this case, the occasional dominant or submissive gesture is a good thing. But, imagine relationships in which the power dynamic is always skewed so that one person is always dominant and one person is always submissive; that can't be fun for very long and after a while, it seems more like abuse and control than anything sexy or desirable or praiseworthy.

These are generalized thoughts and I'm not claiming to be an expert, but this is what I think about the issue you've raised.


----------



## Crazy8

SprucHub said:


> Timberlake is powerful and dominant in his field - status dominant as opposed to physically dominant. Knowing he could have anyone he wants gives the person dating him status as most desirable.


Status dominant? By that you mean rich. Right?

So women want the status of most desirable by dating a guy who's rich? 

Deep thoughts. Sounds like love to me! 

I could be wrong, but I don't think it works that way. I never thought Cameron Diaz was "the most desirable". I've never heard any woman verbalize those thoughts. And I thought Jessica Biel was a lot more desirable pre-Timberlake, and pre-plastic surgery. 

But that's just one guy's opinion, and probably exhibit A of why I don't "get it". Chalk me up to "never will get it". 

I just think it's funny when a woman is with a man whose rear she can kick! :rofl:


----------



## GTdad

I don't know what women want in general. Hell, I'm not sure what my wife wants half the time. But one thing I do know is that she reacts favorably to when I take charge and lead, in the bedroom or out. That's one thing I've "upped" in the past year or two.

Another thing I've started doing fairly recently is deliberately "destabilizing" the relationship very occasionally, and I owe Athol for that one. Now THAT I'm a natural at. The occasional monkey wrench thrown into the works has served me well professionally and athletically over the years, I just thought I wasn't supposed to do it in a marriage. It sounds like game-playing, and to some extent I suppose that's true, but randomly switching up alpha and beta traits without warning, and not overdoing it, seems to get postive results as well.

Finally, I think that for the first time in along marriage, I'm finally the one who cares the least in the relationship. So while my wife generally feels secure, maybe she doesn't feel THAT secure, and maybe, just maybe, it's keeping her on her toes a little more.

Strange stuff, marriage.


----------



## FirstYearDown

I don't want a dominant man, because I have been with those types already. I don't want to be nagged and pushed into things I don't want to do. I don't appreciate being bossed around like a child or a man trying to mold me into what he wants.

My husband has a quiet confidence. He is a very good judge of character and he also respects my opinion. I love it!

I don't think there is any need for destabilizing if both partners appreciate each other.


----------



## GTdad

FirstYearDown said:


> I don't think there is any need for destabilizing if both partners appreciate each other.


That, I imagine, is absolutely true. Unfortunately, it's not always the case. On a cynical day, I'd say it's not even often the case.


----------



## LovesHerMan

FirstYearDown said:


> I don't want a dominant man, because I have been with those types already. I don't want to be nagged and pushed into things I don't want to do. I don't appreciate being bossed around like a child or a man trying to mold me into what he wants.
> 
> My husband has a quiet confidence. He is a very good judge of character and he also respects my opinion. I love it!
> 
> I don't think there is any need for destabilizing if both partners appreciate each other.


Our marriage works the same way, FirstYear. I, too, sought out a strong, caring man who does not want to dominate me.

To each his own. The important thing is that you balance each other's personality, you have boundaries, and you mesh well together as a team.


----------



## moxy

annagarret said:


> I think instead of the word dominant I like the word masculine, very masculine. There are to many men that can't hold a job, change a flat tire or take care of a family that they made. Thank God I don't have one of those and I know that there are a lot of awesome hard-working men out there. Is just seems that because women try to do everything for themselves they don't allow men to be men. They rob men of the their masculinity.
> 
> Not me, I love the old-fashion type of man who can work hard, can fix things, loves football, sex, budweiser, and steak and potatoes!!!!


Good distinction. I didn't think I was the kind of gal who liked this because I usually dated the artistic and new-agey types before my stbxh, but it turns out that I am. One of the things I loved most about stbxh is that he's very manly, masculine, macho, rugged and all of those things. It made me feel more free to be feminine. It also made me feel like he was a person of integrity, but, strength of character and strength of personality are not the same thing. Unfortunately, we would have gotten along better if I was a little less femme and he was a little less macho; we do better when we tone ourselves down, but, didn't realize it before our marriage crashed and burned.


----------



## Blue Moon

Crazy8 said:


> Things like this confuse me.
> 
> If this were true, please explain the appeal of Justin Timberlake. I think he's 140 pounds and could scarcely dominate a flea. Yet women love him. He also sings like a woman.


You're confusing dominant with being able to beat the sh*t out of somebody. I think that brutish connotation is why it rubs people the wrong way.

Dominance can be as simple as being a "take charge" guy and calling some shots. Not in a "your opinion doesn't matter" kind of way, but showing some leadership and strength. 

A classic example is the ol' "What do you want for dinner?" " I don't know, what do YOU want for dinner?" back and forth. Lots of times, a woman wants a guy who will make decisions so she can play the Vice President role, having full say on stuff but opting to let it ride and let her man take charge the majority of the time. And if she feels different about a decision she says so, most just don't want to have to make all of the decisions or have the onus be on them.


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## Blue Moon

And to take it a step further, I believe there's a huge difference between being dominant and being domineering.


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## Entropy3000

FirstYearDown said:


> I don't want a dominant man, because I have been with those types already. I don't want to be nagged and pushed into things I don't want to do. I don't appreciate being bossed around like a child or a man trying to mold me into what he wants.
> 
> *My husband has a quiet confidence.* He is a very good judge of character and he also respects my opinion. I love it!
> 
> I don't think there is any need for destabilizing if both partners appreciate each other.


I know it is playing word games and what is truly dominant.

I think you have a truly dominant man. IMO.

A man who just openly is about conflict is not really a domimant man. They are domineering and weak. As mentioned above. They are puffing out like a little bird. 

The problem is that many folks carry baggage with certain words. A truly dominant man can dominate a situation without puffing out like that bird. 

Most women do like dominant men. They just do not equate dominance with that man. They see dominance as someone being overbearing and dare I say it ... controlling.

That is not a dominant male. A dominant male has the situation under control. They are confident and are not afraid to treat people as equals. Dominant does not mean in my opinion pure Alpha but rather the mix that is required to dominate a situation as needed.

Personally my wife and I are partners. But we have done the Captain and the First mate from day one when Athol was just a little wanker. But he describes this well. On most given days my wife is at the helm. I am more focused on my career. However, we do things by joint agreement. That said, depending on the emergency I will take the helm. It is obvious when I need to. Never a problem. It is my role to do this when my skillsets are required to dominate that situation. So I only turn that on when we need it. There is no fear of turning it on. It is just not required most of the time. We are better when we work as a team.


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## Eagle441977

I don't claim to know what women want at all. I know that what works for me is just being myself. My wife seems to like me being confident and in charge. While still taking care of her needs. I think I have traits that are both dominant and sensitive. I like to be in charge, but I also like to do things for others. I like to cook for my wife. I handle all of the bills and budget. I help her with the laundry and cleaning. I like to take control in the bedroom, but I also love to please her in the bedroom. Nothing makes me feel more like a man than after we have been intimate and I see the look of pure bliss on her face. But i love it on the rare occaision when she takes control, but would not want it that way all the time. Some one posted about the "what's for dinner" dilemma. We used to go through this, but I stopped it a while back Sometimes I don't ask at all, I just say lets go eat at _________. But if I do ask & if she gives me an answer then we just go there or eat what she wanted. If she says I don't know(care). Then I just pick a place or pick something to cook. No round and round discussion.

I never boss or try to be pushy. And I always try to display confidence in myself. I do try to be attentive to her needs and wants. A true alpha in my opinion is completely unselfish. That is why he/she is confident. I don't have to be selfish because I know I will get what I need. I have to be sure I am doing what I can to make sure others get what they need . Not dominant just in control.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

Eagle441977 said:


> I never boss or try to be pushy. And I always try to display confidence in myself. I do try to be attentive to her needs and wants. A true alpha in my opinion is completely unselfish. That is why he/she is confident. I don't have to be selfish because I know I will get what I need. I have to be sure I am doing what I can to make sure others get what they need . Not dominant just in control.


If this IS ALPHA, my husband is KING, he is the most unselfish man .... in regards to our family... Sometimes it seems a bit much, some of the crazy conversations we have where he simply won't do for himself cause one of the kids could benefit or he will go on about feeling "guilty" -like he is taking food out of their mouths or something... sometimes I think he takes it too far, then I will have to talk him into being selfish or I will ! Even the kids get a charge over seeing us argue like this. 

Great great dad though! 

It is a little nuts when you have to argue with your husband, to be MORE SELFISH. 

Better than having the reverse argument for sure though!


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## Mrs. T

Justin Timberlake....blah! Teenage girls might find something there to like but not me. 

I want a partner. Of course when I am aroused a show of dominence is exciting but when it comes to the daily routine I like that my husband and I share responsibilities and respect each other.


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## keeper63

I have read in at aleast 2 or 3 places that many women feel the ideal balance of dominanace and sensitivity they want in a man is the typical Denzel Washington character. Someone who can be a real badass, but at the end of the day, you know he is a really good guy, will do what is right, and has a sensitive side.

That said, my two favorite Denzel movies are "Training Day" (not a good example of the good or balanced Denzel), and "Man on Fire", where he is the ultimate badass, but has a soft spot for the women and children he is tasked to protect.


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## Runs like Dog

Do women have unrealistic and idealized conceptions of what they themselves think are a good mate? Yes, yes they do.


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## Thewife

I like men who are confident, respect women, wise and hard working I don't mind a little dominance in a fun way...........just like my husband. I used to be very primitive during teenage.........easily get attracted to men who are rugged and dominant but fortunately my H is just right for me.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Runs like Dog said:


> Do women have unrealistic and idealized conceptions of what they themselves think are a good mate? Yes, yes they do.


Not all women.  My husband and I are extremely compatible and complement each other in every way possible. I do anything I can to please my husband. He does the same for me. After 13 year together, we still are in our "honeymoon" stage. I don't foresee this changing anytime soon.


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## karma*girl

I'm with her ^
With us, it's a dance of give & receive..noone takes the lead all the time.
He wouldn't want that burden, nor would I. If a decision needs to made, it's made, by either both of us or the one who is better equipped at handling that particular thing.
He once told me if I was submissive it would turn him on...for about one minute, ha! He thrives on the challenge, the teasing, the hard time we give eachother, for the fun of it
- it keeps us going strong & we always laugh together! 

I, DO, however like him to often man-handle me in bed though! 
...and then sometimes, I dominate the situation in bed..or wherever..no complaints so far
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl

..and what is this with spanking?? LOL! That is so comical to me...unless we're getting dirty, I could never imagine my H saying that I'm seriously getting a spanking because I'm not behaving- 
as if I'm 5 yrs. old...
Wow, do people really do this, as in ADULTS? 
So weird to me...
I would never get an ounce of respect if I allowed that & he wouldn't get an ounce from me, if he proposed it! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ItMatters

I like a man who is confident and knows what he wants and knows how he feels, but isn't threatened by a different opinion and will listen respectfully to those opinions and can even be swayed or agree that a different opinion might either be right or have validity. That is attractive!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dream_weaver

My ex couldn't do a thing......he went to work & earnt the money & also gambled it so wasn't a good provider.My new partner is completely the opposite (learnt from the first one),he cooks,cleans,can think & do for himself & makes me feel supported.He liked the fact I'm so independant but I also know he likes me to need him too.It's nice to feel he will support me & not let me down so I'm happy to relinqish some things so he feels needed.
In the bedroom its 50/50 on who initiates but mostly we both want it so just go for it without anyone really initiating if that makes sense.


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## Dollystanford

Runs like Dog said:


> Do women have unrealistic and idealized conceptions of what they themselves think are a good mate? Yes, yes they do.


not at all dog

I want a well built six footer who is also a sensitive intellectual, a tiger in the bedroom but a ***** cat in the rest of the house

not too much to ask I think


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## AFEH

Dominant: superior, controlling …. can be an emotionally charging word containing very negative connotations, undertones.

Take a look at some synonyms: ascendant, assertive, authoritative, _bossy_, chief, commanding, demonstrative, _despotic_, _domineering_, effective, first, foremost, governing, imperative, imperious, leading, main, obtaining, outweighing, overbalancing, _overbearing_, overweighing, paramount, powerful, predominant, predominate, pre-eminent, preponderant, presiding, prevailing, prevalent, principal, regnant, reigning, _ruling_, sovereign, supreme, surpassing, transcendent.

And some antonyms: humble, inferior, modest, reserved, retiring, unaggressive, unassuming, uncontrolling.


I think within the context of the thread, the word “assertive” much more appropriate. For example a man with healthy levels of self-respect and self-esteem who is unafraid to assert his boundaries such that he never becomes a doormat dominated by either man or woman. Or a man with enough self belief and confidence to not be a bystander but to step in and take the risk of leading in an emergency.

For me it is all about being willing to assert myself but NEVER with the intent of being dominant, of dominating another person. The only time I’d ever do that is to stop them hurting me, other people or themselves.


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## *needaunderstand*

Read Fifty Shades Of Gray!


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## AFEH

As to whether a woman wants a man who is dominant the best answer to that I can think of is that a woman wants a man to be different things.

There’s the stable and predictable man she wants who takes care of her with support, security etc. over the long term of the child rearing years. The exciting man she wants to go on holiday with and weekends away and to bring variation and passion into the bedroom. The listening friend she can share her innermost secrets with while never being judged. All sorts of men does the woman want and yes she may well want to be dominated at times while at the same time feeling totally safe and knowing that it would never go too far.

Just like men women too have phases in their lives. And in each one of those phases she may well yearn for a different type of man than the one she is with. That’s why as men (and women) we must be aware that we are continually evolving and changing within our lifetime.


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## DocHoliday

This is s funny thread.
I think this ties directly into the 1990's "guru" mens movement to "regain" lost manhood. There are books and websited dedicated to "making a man" out of a former "whimp".
These men are told that if they simply LEAD, and take control, tell people to f- off, put themselves first... that females will swoon all around them. (and vag will just fall from the sky.)

Do you know why there are no books/websites on how to tell a woman HOW TO BE a woman?
Because 
A. it is all BS
B. we don't care how someone else defines what a "real women" is. We know. We just put on our big girl painties and walk on. 

I wish men would realize this. Forget the bongos, BFE's, and acting like a "Harvey hard guy". Nobody can take your power, unless you give it to them, and no website is going to help you become a man.


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## DocHoliday

Yes, I like it when my husband has an opinion, but I do not like to be controlled.

Being controlled is for dumb people who need others to tell them how to live.

You only get one trip around in this life, it is very short ride. Too short to let someone else tell you how to friggin live it


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## AFEH

DocHoliday said:


> This is s funny thread.
> I think this ties directly into the 1990's "guru" mens movement to "regain" lost manhood. There are books and websited dedicated to "making a man" out of a former "whimp".
> These men are told that if they simply LEAD, and take control, tell people to f- off, put themselves first... that females will swoon all around them. (and vag will just fall from the sky.)
> 
> Do you know why there are no books/websites on how to tell a woman HOW TO BE a woman?
> Because
> A. it is all BS
> B. we don't care how someone else defines what a "real women" is. We know. We just put on our big girl painties and walk on.
> 
> I wish men would realize this. Forget the bongos, BFE's, and acting like a "Harvey hard guy". Nobody can take your power, unless you give it to them, and no website is going to help you become a man.


There you go. A fine example of a dominating woman :sleeping:


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## DocHoliday

Sho enough, baby. 
You say that like it is a bad thing......
You gotta problem with that?


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## AFEH

DocHoliday said:


> Sho enough, baby.
> You say that like it is a bad thing......
> You gotta problem with that?


:sleeping:


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## arbitrator

While sounding well-meant, it really seems that the presence of gamesmanship within the confines of a marriage can really do only nothing other than serve to its detriment.

It really just seems to be one or both of the marriage partners mechanisms to help them in procuring whatever it is that they, as individuals, desire out of their relationship from the other partner, albeit on either a short-term or a long-term basis.


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## Chaparral

Blanca said:


> i like the way my H is. He doesnt let anyone push him around, he's extremely competitive, but he's not a brute. He dominates not because he tries too, but simply because he works harder, is smarter, and more competitive then the people he's around.
> 
> ive backed off trying to get him to be more emotional. i dont think id respect him if i talked to him like i talk to a girl.


I believe women think they want their husband to be a more emotional partner. Its not in a strong mans DNA. What women really miss is the social group of women that humans used to have in their extended family. Moms, Grand Moms aunts, sisters, cousins etc. Most of the time now, women have few, if any confidants that will support them through thick and thin.

Men and women are wired as differently as cats and dogs. When menn do not understand a woman she just sees him as cold, heartless and mean , when what he is doing inside is loving and worshiping every bone in her body and is totally clueless.


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## GS Dom1863

I think there is a lot of confusion due to the terminology "Dominant". I am a Dominant in a committed relationship with a submissive. Since the discovery of our roles, we have both gained respect and a newfound love for each other. By being Dominant, I am in no way abusive, disrespectful, mean or have any less concern or care for my girlfriend. We have been together for about a year and will be getting married. We are both in our 40's and have full time very demanding jobs with a large amount of responsibility. However, it naturally fell into the Dom/sub roles for us. It took a sit-down talk to truly discover what was going on in the bedroom. We were definitely enjoying it, but both were unsure about the direction we were going. I initiated the conversation, but discovered quickly that we were more "on the same page" than we knew. 
We both have a great amount of respect for each other, and I would never let anything bad happen to her. She is the center of my world, and I am the center of hers. 
Now, the brass tacks ....... do you ladies want to come home to, or be out in public, with a man who cannot take control of a situation? Or, do want that man who is naturally in charge, especially if he can do it with calm, commanding demeanor. Ever see that guy that is obviously the confident, in control guy, even if he is letting someone else be in charge? That is the same guy that is your knight. But that same guy is gonna take you home, let you know that you are the object of his sexual desires, and he is going to show you just EXACTLY how much he desires you, so you might as well just like it. 
So, tell the truth, would you rather have that guy, or the semi-sort-of guy that will do what you tell him, when you tell him, and apologize if he messes it up......guess what.....if he is that way with you, he is that way with everyone else, his boss, friends, and that guy the hits on you in the bar, he will just let be quiet and let you tell the guy that you are with him. But imagine, that same guy standing up, telling the other guy that you are his and to step off, then takes you home and reminds you exactly what being a woman is all about. Again, which guy do you REALLY want?


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## DT4379

Yes I think a woman wants a mn to show her he loves her by being passionate in the bedroom..take charge and show her how much you desire her..the rewards will be amazing Im sure..


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I do not want a dominant man, nor do I want to be a dominant woman. I want to live in peace and happiness. I like gentleness, but that's who I am. I like to please people when I am able to.

I hate being told what to do. It doesn't work with me at all.


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## arbitrator

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I do not want a dominant man, nor do I want to be a dominant woman. I want to live in peace and happiness. I like gentleness, but that's who I am. I like to please people when I am able to.
> 
> I hate being told what to do. It doesn't work with me at all.



In this day and age, I would think that predominance by either gender should, by and large, be a thing of the past.

As long as each of the partner's are actively participating in meeting each others primordial needs, that's all that should really matter. Most times that will be indicative of a 50/50 split.

But there will be those times that the 50/50 will vary all the way up or down the spectrum from the 50/50 all the way down to even0/100, and that's to be expected. But that's greatly saying that it will not get stuck at that lower standard for any discernible amount of time by either partner.

In a word, that predominance should always be one of "variability!"


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## Memento

cherrypie18 said:


> At the end of the day isn't a rugged masculine dominant man what we really want deep down?
> 
> Someone who's not too nice, too kind too gentle, not too in touch with their "feminine side", someone who will protect us, provide for us (whether we work or not) and most importantly won't let us walk all over him and knows how to take charge and make women respect them instead of whining that we don't and should?
> 
> As far as I know, you earn respect, you make people respect you, you can't just demand to be respected when you do nothing to deserve it.


Depends. In the bedroom, yes. Generally, not really.


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## AFEH

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I do not want a dominant man, nor do I want to be a dominant woman. I want to live in peace and happiness. I like gentleness, but that's who I am. I like to please people when I am able to.
> 
> I hate being told what to do. It doesn't work with me at all.


Ah! But you want your man to be higher drive in another post.


The more dominant (I prefer assertive) the man, the higher the drive he has. In fact his assertiveness is a reflection of his drive. It’s a lot to do with “sexual energy” who’s outlet is not only in the bedroom but in the rest of his life as well. Kind of like a guy with high sexual energy is likely to be creative, a risk taker, adventurer etc.


Believe me assertive men can be the most gentlest of men. They have an exceptional amount of creative ways of getting their sexual needs met. They know that comes mainly by satisfying their wife. And not just in the bedroom, not just sexually.


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## John Lee

First of all, if all women wanted the exact same things, they'd all want the exact same men.

Second, no man can be everything a given woman wants, and he shouldn't try, because women often want contradictory things that don't tend to all be rolled into the same person -- it's only human to be this way.


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## LemiLekySama

No, I don't want a dominant man. Dated some of those and they were *******s. My husband and I are equals and neither one of us dominate the other. It works well for us.


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## DianeJiltz

:iagree:

I am not attracted to very nice men. . . 
I'd always go for those who are -yeah, dominant like you say.


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## Stonewall

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am the more dominate in our marraige. I feel opposites attract for VERY good reasons, one being peace & tranquility in the home. Funny, cause my ever loving sensitive patient easy going husband has always been attracted to the "Rough" females, he seriously is turned on by the whip & chain type. I always laugh at this, not that I am this, but I could make a wicked female Drill Sergant - just ask my kids. And I will say, 95% of the time our marraige works beautifully.
> 
> It is true, sometimes I wish he showed more of that dominance in the bedroom (I have started threads over this) but besides this, I have not missed it or longed for it. I simply know I would KNOCK heads with another similar to myself.
> 
> He does have dominance in the way MEM describes, not as monkey aggression but SKILL on the job, integrity with people -earning others Respect. If these things can be classified as a form of dominance? Sounds good to me!
> 
> He surely feels my equal, I don't believe all lesser dominants/passive types all beg or cry to their mates, that all are "wimpy". Many times he laughs at my "aggression" when I get upset & start ranting about something. He KNOWS how to bring the "calm" back into my world. The Role of the Protector maybe. He is our large families sole Provider. If these things can be classified as Dominant, not really sure. He surely carries HIS load- and does it well.
> 
> I have a very close friend who I would call a typical dominate male, we fight alot -cause we both love to stir the pot & debate, he would probably NOT put up with me -and tells me this many times , and I feel the same about him!
> 
> 2 dominates living together might = HELL. And 2 passives living together would probably be very boring & uneventful.
> 
> So the key is : Finding the man or woman who compliments our very differing personalities, who fills in the holes where we are not "that" way -this is a Beautiful thing.
> 
> And , I ,being the more dominant do very much Enjoy the emotional/sensitive side of the lesser dominate male, not that I think that always goes away with a more dominate man, but I LOVE the mush, the doting, all that connectedness from the sweet more passive male. He does not need to distance himself from me to keep my attraction to him. (but I do not deny this works for many women) That would probably tick me off accually- then I would have to go find my whips & chains.




I bet he has the ability to be dominate when he has to but only becomes that way when the chips are down and its imperative that he become that man.

Am I right or totally off base?


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## BackwardFizz

MEM11363 I think you summed it up perfectly. It may not be for everyone but in my personal experience many of the female friends I have who are expecting everything to be 50-50 or in constant power struggles with their men are often alone or with men they don't respect and men who resent them in return. My husband is very much like you described....my past relationships were nothing like this and never lasted. My marriage now is not perfect but the "primitive" foundation is there....I am dedicated for life. You should write a book


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## NostalgicOne

I can't stand Domineering men. I do like a successful man in his field but he better tone it down when he enters our home. 
Nothing is more irritating then a self inflated,egotistical,bossy male to Me.


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## Cosmos

A dominant man - Yes

A dominant man who (mistakenly) thinks he can dominate or control _me _- No.

There's a fine balance, and thank goodness Mr C knows this, too


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## Jellybeans

:iagree:


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## Philat

Mrs. John Adams said:


> A dominant man? no A strong man...yes


I think many men do not know how to demonstrate strength other than by dominance (bullies?). How would you describe the behavior of a strong man who is not dominant?


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## Jerome

I have figured her out.

She wants money, more than I can earn.


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