# Women, what are your top 10 non negotiables?



## Edmund Falcon (Aug 6, 2013)

A question for the women here. What are your top 10 absolutely non negotiable requirements in a man?

Please don't include two or more things that basically amount to the same requirement. We're talking 10 different, non negotiable things.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I only have one: Lying

Edit: well abuse too. so Two,


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## Edmund Falcon (Aug 6, 2013)

mablenc said:


> I only have one: Lying
> 
> Edit: well abuse too. so Two,


Would you be happy with a man who isn't very loving, or level headed, or easy to get on with, or friendly, as long as he's honest? I can understand the need for honesty but is that + non abusive the only 2 requirements?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Edmund Falcon said:


> Would you be happy with a man who isn't very loving, or level headed, or easy to get on with, or friendly, as long as he's honest? I can understand the need for honesty but is that + non abusive the only 2 requirements?


You asked for non-negotiable requirements, I wouldn't not be with man who don't love me to begin with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

OK.. the things i could never live with...

1- abusive in any way.

2- cheating/lying

3- not affectionate and/or loving

4- not interested in sex

5- irresponsible regarding our money or our safety.

6 - lacking basic kindness or caring... thoughtless

7- lack of basic hygiene

8- anger management problems

9- .....

struggling now...


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## Edmund Falcon (Aug 6, 2013)

mablenc said:


> You asked for non-negotiable requirements, I wouldn't not be with man who don't love me to begin with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So that's a non negotiable. What other non negotiables do you have?


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

1 and 2 are the only ones that are really important, the rest aren't necessarily in order...

1. Lying
2. Lack of ambition
3. Issues with self-indulgence (gambling, drinking, smoking...)
4. Fiscally irresponsible
5. Not clean
6. Not affectionate/kind
7. Anger issues
8. Not interested in an active lifestyle
9. Not interested in having children
10. Abusive


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

1. Not attracted to me - including sexually and emotionally
2. Cheating 
3. Friends more important than marriage
4. Lazy bum who can't/ doesn't want to keep a job
5. Doesn't stand up for me and/or is too beta to make me feel protected
6. Is abusive verbally and/ or physically
7. Is sloppy in appearence and in hygiene 
8. Has completely different goals than me
9. We share little or no common likes/dislikes, beliefs, etc
10. Is not romantic, adventurous and playful like me.


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## canjad80 (Oct 31, 2011)

Interesting that all the previous posters have listed the traits they *don't* want in a partner. I interpreted non-negotiables as traits that I *do* want in a partner.

In no particular order, my must-have list of traits/characteristics for a partner:

1. No children and no interest in having them
2. Independent
3. Honest
4. Pragmatic
5. Non-smoker
6. Physically fit
7. Integrity
8. Financially responsible
9. Adventurous
10. Good communicator


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Not necessarily in order:


Lying (including cheating)
Abusive (physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually)
Addicted (gambling, drugs, drinking, porn, smoking)
Not emotionally open
Anger management problems
Sexually disinterested/boring
Spendthrift
Ungenerous (love, time, attention, money, help)
Negative about people or life in general
Unhygienic


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

Non-negotiable traits my spouse cannot have in no particular order:

1. Lying (except to tell me Im beautiful even when Im not)
2. Abusive
3. Controlling
4. A dead beat without a job
5. A know it all
6. A slob
7. Unaffectionate and Uncaring
8. Dislike of children
9. Gullible
10. Smoker/Drinker/Druggie


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

People, non negotiable means just that.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Edmund Falcon said:


> your top 10 absolutely non negotiable *requirements* in a man?


I didn't read this question to say "deal breakers." To me, it says what is the bottom line I want/expect/require from a man to be a match for me.

I don't get where people are listing stuff they DON'T require. The original question wants to know what I require. At least that's my opinion ... for what it's worth.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

waiwera said:


> 9- .....
> 
> struggling now...


LOL!^^^


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

1. No cheating
2. No lying
3. No abuse/name calling/belittling
4. No begging or hounding for sex(turn off)
5. No ordering me around
6. No nagging
7. No ignoring
8. No silent treatment(same as ignoring)
9. No hiding anything
10.no hanging out with women the opposite sex(this is at the top of the list)

No drug or alcohol abuse either.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Are you sure you're not really looking for employees?


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## Edmund Falcon (Aug 6, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> I didn't read this question to say "deal breakers." To me, it says what is the bottom line I want/expect/require from a man to be a match for me.
> 
> I don't get where people are listing stuff they DON'T require. The original question wants to know what I require. At least that's my opinion ... for what it's worth.


There's nothing subjective about my question. It's not subject to interpretation. It means what it says. Your opinion of what my question means is the correct one. 

What I'm asking the women here is to list 10 requirements. Non negotiable requirements. List what you do want, not what you do not want.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

1. Regularly practices a religion. This is a dealbreaker, so the opposite is the non negotiable. I am not religious myself therefore, I would not want my partner to regularly spend our free time in church when I don't want to go. And building relationships with other people. And when he gets annoyed enough that I don't want to go, then the female parishioners may start looking mighty fine to him.......

I don't think I would be bothered about a guy coming from any religious background. I just would want to make sure that he has completely rejected it.

2. Someone who treats their friends as if they were his master.

3. Someone who has female friends that are not kept at arms length.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Edmund Falcon said:


> A question for the women here. What are your top 10 absolutely non negotiable requirements in a man?





> There's nothing subjective about my question. It's not subject to interpretation. It means what it says. Your opinion of what my question means is the correct one.
> 
> *(A)What I'm asking the women here is to list 10 requirements. Non negotiable requirements.* (B)List what you do want, not what you do not want.


A & B are two different things; everyone posted A, not everyone posted B. But then you added B later.

I require a man who does not have the traits on my list. It is non-negotiable.

I require a man who is not a liar/cheater. It is non-negotiable.
I require a man who is not an abuser. It is non-negotiable.

Perhaps the original question was not worded specifically enough to garner the answers you're seeking. Asking the women "What are the Top Ten Positive Traits/Characteristics You Require in a Mate" would probably have gotten you the answers you expected.


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## Edmund Falcon (Aug 6, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> A & B are two different things; everyone posted A, not everyone posted B. But then you added B later.
> 
> I require a man who does not have the traits on my list. It is non-negotiable.
> 
> ...


I added B later because B is an explanation of A. I added it because A was misunderstood. A = what are your requirements (aka what you do want)? Hence my clarification (aka B). Anyway it should be obvious what I'm asking, I did make it quite clear in my opening post.

For clarification : 

Dealbreaker = what you don't want
Requirement = what you do want


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## Running Mom (Aug 13, 2013)

Good question! I'm thinking that once I make my list, my husband may not fit the bill!

1. Atheist (being religious and/or believing in god is a total deal-breaker)
2. Intelligent (likes to read and talk about books, likes discussing current topics, still wants to learn even as an adult)
3. Loving (enjoys physical contact but could live with sex only once a week or so (I don't have a high sex drive))
4. Good father (wants the best for his kids, spends time with them, teaches them how to be good people)
5. Respectful of others
6. Healthy/active (eats well, doesn't drink too much, doesn't do drugs, exercises and/or has active habits)
7. Skeptical (I admire a healthy disrespect for authority and anyone who thinks they have all the answers)
8. Funny (I'd like someone who had a similar (silly) sense of humor to mine)
9. Enjoys my company
10. Lets me be me

Hmm . . . my husband falters a bit on numbers 3, 5 and sometimes 9.


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## jeyna (Aug 15, 2013)

1. Honest
2. loyal
3. kind/loving
4. likes animals
5. respectful/non abusive
6. good work ethic
7. not religious
8. good sense of humor
9. not a momma's boy
10. intelligent enough to carry on deep conversation about various topics

my husband meets all except 3 and 5, which I'm realizing are pretty darn important. I think I place too much emphasis on number 2 because of my own insecurities.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Runs like Dog said:


> Are you sure you're not really looking for employees?


By the look of some of these "Commandment" it sounds more like they are after a "Talking Dog".

Seriously ladies what ever happened to the art of compromise?


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## Running Mom (Aug 13, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> By the look of some of these "Commandment" it sounds more like they are after a "Talking Dog".
> 
> Seriously ladies what ever happened to the art of compromise?


I can't speak for others here but for me, there are a lot of other things not on this list that I compromise on every day. My husband doesn't have a job, rarely does chores, rarely wears pants, sleeps too late and is more often than not in a crabby mood. Compromise is my middle name.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

1.Don't lie to me
2.Don't cheat on me
3.Don't place me under anyone else on your list of priority people.

Those are my deal breakers.

What I require in order to be happy:
1.A man who loves me and gives me no less than what I give to him.This is for all aspects of our relationship and life together... emotional love,expression,physical love,communication,support,and friendship.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

I think knowing both what you won't accept from a partner as well as what qualities you want in a partner are important and both would fall under "non negotiables". Honestly I think too many men and women compromise on the things they WON'T accept.



> By the look of some of these "Commandment" it sounds more like they are after a "Talking Dog".


To be fair, if a man listed his wants from a female partner, it would probably look like he wanted a talking sex doll 

I'd love to see the male version of this thread.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Hmm, I don't know if I have 10! 

1. He has to love me, and he has to be able to demonstrate it. He doesn't let things deteriorate to the point where I have to wonder or guess at it.

2. He has to be partnership-oriented, as demonstrated by:

a. He places his priority on his partner and family. Neither I nor our child compete against hobbies, friends, substances, family-of-origin, etc. (This doesn't mean he can't enjoy hobbies, friends, his family, a drink- it means he isn't willing to put me and/or our child aside for them.)

b. He is able to communicate, compromise, look for win-wins. Also, he is flexible so that he can continue to communicate, compromise, and look for win-wins even in the face of changing situations. I have to know that he can hang in there and be available when things get tough or don't go according to the original plan.

c. He is enthusiastic about/in agreement that all decisions of consequence are passed by each other first. We work out win-wins for things like cars, weekend plans, job/career, budgets, etc. 

d. He knows, and likes, himself enough to be a full partner, not a "yes person" who later becomes resentful after "all he's done!" He needs to be able to discover, communicate, and value his needs and desires enough to share them with me, so I can meet them. We can't get to a "win-win" if I don't know what "win" means to him.

e. The corollary to "d"- he is willing to meet my emotional needs/desires. 

3. He has to be honest.

4. He has to be caring- not a d!ck to people- he treats waiters, cab drivers, etc decently.

5. He has to be loyal.

There's my guy! <3 We don't pull it off perfectly all the time, but we have our game plan and we stick to it!


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## imhiswifey (Aug 16, 2013)

My husband must:

1. Be honest and not afraid to communicate his feelings/emotions/desires etc.
2. Not lie to me
3. Be a gentleman (treat others with respect, polite etc.)
4. Make his family his priority
5. Find me sexy/attractive and show it
6. Love to travel 
7. Enjoy doing activities together with either just myself or his family (ie. going to the park, shopping, etc.)
8. Never cheat on me
9. Not afraid to try new things
10. Say I love you each night before going to bed

My husband was very shy when I met him, it was almost a turn off for me but I gave him a chance anyways. I was kind of weary that I was the "exotic foreigner" to him but it turned out my worries were dead wrong. Happily married for 9 years now


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