# Is this a problem?



## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hey ya'll,

This last month has been a really motivating one for me. I've been eating healthy, exercising daily, taking dance lessons, working on my dreams/goals and basically just taking really good care of myself. I got divorced about a year ago to the day and I'd say my life is finally back on track and for the better. Lately a couple things have been on my mind and I'd like some help working on them. I will try to keep this brief:

1) As a child my mother was very strict, and I got the "No" answer quite a lot. Growing up now (and I think I can almost generalize that I share this feeling with my generation), I seem to be a Yes man and can be very stubborn and naive. This behavior has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past (like planning too many things at once, difficulty in saying no, Russian roulette (in ways), etc) and I was hoping to get some advice from other men on how to overcome stubbornness. 

2) Impatience, selfishness and porn. I don't watch it that much, but I enjoy it quite a lot. Why? IMO, it's quick, it's simple, there is variety, it's free and it doesn't involve anybody else. I know I am not addicted. I don't have problems in the bedroom, nor does it "rob" me of the intimacy (at least I think), but generally speaking, I feel as if sex to me now is nothing more then "just a release", and I am wondering if that behavior could lead me to problems in the future. I can't pinpoint if this mentality comes from watching porn itself or from a lack of intimacy in relationships. It doesn't impact my dates (that I know of), and I don't feel any shame/guilt from it (although I know I can be a borderline misogynist), but I find myself, similar to #1, impatient and very selfish in my approach. I am trying to change this. Often I feel like all I need is a release and don't want to go through the hoops of dating nor paying for it (sounds harsh, but that's how I think). My question, is this bad? What are the consequences of such thinking if any? Otherwise, how else can this 25 year old stop being so horny? I have better things to do then chase girls and waste precious juice. 


I don't think I'll ever settle for porn vs the real thing. My worry is that I am subconsciously objectifying women and that's something they can tell, and maybe why I am having trouble meeting women just as friends (again, despite the fact that I don't watch porn much, but when I do, THAT is the behavior I seem to have). I think that what I said in #1 also impacts #2, and I am wondering how I stop feeling so self-entitled, impatient and stubborn (or some questions I could probe to get closer to the root of the issue).

Thanks everyone. Hope this makes sense lol.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Why do you think you are stubborn? Being a "yes man" and being stubborn don't really go hand in hand in my mind. I don't think I"m quite understanding.

Is there anyone you actually have your sights on that you'd like to start a relationship with? If not, your interest in porn, as a young man, is understandable......(this from a 42 year old woman.)


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Why do you think you are stubborn? Being a "yes man" and being stubborn don't really go hand in hand in my mind. I don't think I"m quite understanding.
> 
> Is there anyone you actually have your sights on that you'd like to start a relationship with? If not, your interest in porn, as a young man, is understandable......(this from a 42 year old woman.)


Maybe it's a type of stubbornness? I am not too sure to be honest. I just find myself unable to say no to sex. 

Oh not at all. I've actually given up on trying to find "the one" and meeting women to date. Trying not to be sexist but lately I feel like 99% of women are the same. That's kind of the attitude I want to work on, because I know it's not true.

Part of this is just ranting I guess. I feel good today, but I always feel like there is work to be done. My mom raised me a perfectionist, and it's something I actually struggle with.


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