# "HAPPY" new year, not?



## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

*"HAPPY" new year, not? Need opinions/advices.*

hello everybody,

I need some kind of help. it is escalating here and i don't know what to do.

my husband betrayed me in our dating phase and right after our wedding. i found out 6months after we moved together (after our wedding). at this time my home was sold and all our belongings were packed and shipped to the U.S. as the military was about to send us there. so when i found out all his dirt , i was in shock. i mean, REALLY in shock. nobody would ever think of him he would be able to do me like that. I felt like i am falling in a deep hole and i am stuck since then. i am also fighting with depressions since then. 

we received counseling and we decided to work it through. HORROR pure for me since then. the saying...you can forgive, but never forget is the truth. 

i found out more when we all got here to the U.S. and i felt even more trapped and stuck. 

my husband tries his best (so i believed ) to make me "happy" and to work out things. he buys everything we need and want, he takes care of us and the house, he buys me flowers and take me out on date nights. i should be happy and shut up, right? I believe, that is what he wish for.

well, i did most of the time. i tried to do my part, but there are times i get so mad and upset. i hate what he did. he is still not trustworthy to me. i doubt him and everything that he SAYS. when he does something nice...i believe he want to cover up something and wonder what he has to hide this time.

anyway, part of our deal was that everything is access able to me... all devices, accounts, whatever i want to see. i have a strong gut feeling he gave me all that but he still does dirt behind my back. i doubt him ALL the time. when i look at him, i see the liar and cheater. 


i wanted to separate many times... and here is a little insight of what we wrote to each other....that was one of our texting in October 2017:


HIM (complaining that i went on distance on him)
You withdraw and it cuts me deep

ME
Yes this is true. That's why I said you need a new start with someone else


HIM
But i dont

ME
Someone that isn't burned and hurt by you

I became bitter and totally insecure

I can't get rid of that

I thought time will do but it didn't. And there were some events when we got here that showed me that you not completely done with your habits

I never regained confidence in you nor in our marriage

And I am very upset about this

I hate it

This is the truth


HIM
I know, but there is no one else. I dont want anyone else

I only want you

ME
Your words doesn't help

I simply do not believe you


HIM
I know but we gotta work on it


ME
I don't know how to work on it anymore.


HIM
We can start by not ignoring each other

Not talking will never work

ME
We were at this point so many times


HIM
Can we at least talk?

ME
Yes


HIM
Thats the start. We can't separate

Thats not an option


HIM
Can we try?

ME
How are we going to try? Didn't we do this all the time?



HIM
We are going to have disagreements. We have to work through them

ME
I understand that. Disagreements are normal. But is more than this.

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this is just a little insight how we communicate. i am ready to separate, he don't want it. 

after this chat we agreed that he will working harder to make our marriage work and that we may seek counseling. of course, nothing of this really happened since then.


situation NOW since 1 month......

he kept playing on his phone...it seems he has some kind of fantasy game (basketball game) on his phone and he is really hooked up.

we went to bed the other night...it was late already and i thought we could actually do something...he was on his phone, playing this game. i told him to get off already in a playful way/tone and i wanted to take his phone so that he will stop playing. 
he WENT OFF on me like crazy. he really snapped and got really mad.
I looked at him and told him " ok then, but don't bother me ever again, play your game then" ...he continued to play and i went to sleep.


it's pretty much silence since then. that was 1 month ago. we did our best on Christmas for the kids. he tried twice to get in TOUCH with me but i declined. first time ever! i never said NO to him  

I have simply ENOUGH! he lies so much. if he would work on our marriage as he plays his game...we would do FANTASTIC. but instead, he choose to get off on me. distracting him self....for what? 
he gets plenty of "MEtime" btw ...he goes to the range, he does shopping after work, he watches his favorite games/shows or play games. why does he NEED MORE distractions? where are his efforts? 

my last question to him was (knowing the truth already) "do you pay for this game?" he said NO. truth is...he pays ALOT, like every other day he pays for credits? last purchase was $100!!! 
that shows me he still lies to me...even in "little" things. turns me OFF. i have enough. 

as for new year eve...we do nothing. i feel sorry for the kids. it's the first time we do nothing. the mood in the house is bad. 

i don't know how to continue. sorry for the long text, is probably confusing to read. my thoughts are not very sorted and in order right now.


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