# Can't take the lying anymore.



## trustissues73 (Mar 25, 2013)

I am new to this forum thing so be nice to me. I have been with my fiance for almost 2 years. We are both in our 40's been married,children from previous marriages,bad relationships of the lying & cheating so we knew want we wanted in a new relationship. In the past 6 months I have caught him in a few lies & he is always sorry. He will never do it again & he has never had a healthy relationship with someone so open & understanding. I should mention that he is a recovering addict so we have had some struggles but still stuck together. Last October he went out of town on business & a long time friend (I don't trust) went with well they found themselves taking a long roadtrip through Vegas. I had a bad sick to my stomach feeling about it & could not shake the feeling. So fast forward to the other day when I did something I thought I would never have to do which was go through his wallet before he went out of town again. I found a coupon/card for a brothel in NV with an email address handwritten on it. I felt sick to my stomach & decided to take my searching a little further, I checked his emails for the month of October. I found emails back & forth with a girl from the brothel saying don't be a stranger, would love to spend time with you again. HOW DO I CONFRONT HIM? HOW DO I TRUST & STAY WITH HIM?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Why would you WANT to stay with him?

You say you've already been through previous relationships with lying cheating and said you didn't want it any more.

Yet, he is lying.
Yet, he is cheating.
Yet, he is visiting professional prostitutes.
He is a recovering addict.
Cut your losses at the 2year mark, or continue to wonder, worry, obsess, fear for your health, fear getting dumped, fear a relapse of his drug usage, etc.

What is he going to say about this that will make it okay? That he's SORRY? That he didn't MEAN for it to happen? That he was drunk? That it was his friend's idea? That it will never happen again? That it meant NOTHING?

What did he tell you THE LAST TIME you caught him lying? What did he tell you the last time you had struggles regarding his addiction?

It's entirely UP TO YOU! *If YOU believe you are worth more than the bad behavior in this relationship, then LET HIM GO.* TELL HIM WHY. MOVE ON PERMANENTLY. 

YOU can't fix him; only HE can 'fix' himself...and only if he WANTS to.

You can only fix YOU. Get some Individualized Counseling and figure out WHY you're involved with a former drug addict who lies to you and cheats on you. If you don't fix yourself, your next relationship will be NO BETTER than this one, or the last one, or the one before that.

PS: I'm going to notify a moderator that your post is in the wrong area of TAM. You're in a section where the moderators usually post INSTRUCTIONS/RULES for the website.

One of the moderators will move your thread to an appropriate board where MANY MORE people will be able to give you advice. The moderator will let you know where to find your thread!

Good luck!


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You confront him and say goodbye, you have been down this road before and you tell us you do not want that.

Be thankful you are not married.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

mahike said:


> You confront him and say goodbye, you have been down this road before and you tell us you do not want that.
> 
> Be thankful you are not married.


Ditto. When the two of you talked about what you want in a relationship, he was selling you a bill of goods.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

The SOLE purpose of dating seriously is to find the person you want to marry.

The SOLE purpose of an engagement is to figure out if this person REALLY IS the person you want to be with FOREVER.

He's not. So give him back the ring and break off the engagement. He didn't pass the test.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Wow, just wow. 
Don't you know all you need to know? 
Is it your house or his? 

His - pack your bags and leave. Don't say a word just leave. 
Yours - pack his stuff in sturdy garbage bags and put them on the front stoop - then call a locksmith to change the locks. 

Case closed.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

He failed.
He's playing you and will fill you with BS for as long as you take it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the others. 

What's he going to tell you?

The best thing he could say was that he just hung out with the girls while his friend spent time with one of them. You cannot believe a story like that because all cheaters lie.

Is his friend an addict or ex-addict? The entire road trip sounds like a good way to do their drugs for a while with no one to have to admit it to. What is the drug of choice?

Now you know why he's never had a good relationship. He's a liar, a cheat and was a drug addict. He's still all those. He might be off the drugs but the road trip behavior speaks of otherwise.

Put his stuff out of your house or leave yourself. Just get away from this guy.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

trustissues73 said:


> so we knew want we wanted in a new relationship...
> 
> HOW DO I TRUST & STAY WITH HIM?


What you wanted was someone you could trust.

It isn't him.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

He failed the test.
You are worth more.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

I agree with ALL of the above! Time to move on. If you don't expect a future of more of the same. When people show you who they are, believe them.


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## Broken..ForNow (Mar 20, 2013)

Any update?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

The title of your thread says it!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

don't say anything speak with your actions. hes not worth your breath. just move out or start evicting him.


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