# HELP ME! husband has lost interest in me



## marriedinct46 (Aug 25, 2012)

Hello - while I have only been married for a short time my husband has lost interest in me sexually.

I am writing for your help because at this point I am just so in need of it - I don't know what else to do. 

My husband and I are very young - we have been dating for over 2 years, married for 1. About a year ago he just lost interest in sex with me. I tried everything (at first) from seduction techniques, new underwear, etc. He always had an excuse - he's stressed from work, he has a headache, blah blah - this completely destroyed my self esteem. Then I started crying all the time and saying he didn't want me - he claims that completely shut him down sexually. As if he wasn't already.

After a few months I just dropped it because I was sick of the fighting and thought he might come to me if I gave him space... I was wrong. He is completely content with our NON sex life. He is very attentive, cuddly and loving all the time - just never tries to "get any". I know it's abnormal. He claims it's because we have been together awhile and this is just "what happens" - Ive been in relationships over 5 years long, this NEVER happened. It's complete bull.

Of course now I'm having trust issues but he comes home every day at the same time and never goes out without me, and invites me to any event he has to go to for work.

Nothing about him points to gay (except for this situation maybe!) but I'm honestly starting to wonder. 

Now I'm just tired and lonely (sexually)... I told him today I want to go to couples counseling and he agreed. We've actually both seen counselors separately about the issue - my therapist suggested maybe he's cheating or gay, his therapist said it's totally normal to have a decreased sex drive after you settle down. Wow. 

Any advice? Or does this sound pretty hopeless. Other than our sex life our marriage is perfect. Yet without a sex life a marriage isn't much of a marriage.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

hmmmmm...

He doesnt invite you to work events, yea.... he has to be hiding something??

He can be gay if he gives you everything else but the sexual needs.

Yea honey you really dont have much of a marriage when the sex isnt present. That is very important to express your love for one another.

I hope the counseling will get you somewhere. Personally, i wouldnt be with someone that refused sex wit hme all the time. THere is NO excuse for it. 

Does he act weird besides the work thing and not having sex?
Like with his phone or computer or anything as far as that goes?


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## marriedinct46 (Aug 25, 2012)

im sorry if i miswrote - he DOES invite me to all work events and anything else - and doesnt go out without me ever - and hes very open with his phone - i use it sometimes and he leaves it lying around unlocked.
ive even looked through it and found nothing but texts to me, his brother and his dad... 

im just so lost. i hope counseling helps. i am seriously afraid of what reality might be waiting for me.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

that does sounds sort of odd? 

Not really sure why the sex life would be absent if everything else is good.

Have you asked him if he was gay?


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

I don't know. It sounds like the male form of bait and switch to me. He gives a woman enough sex to keep her hook and marries her. Then, once he has her, he loses interest in sex. I assume the sex life was decent before you got married?

Instead of being gay, he might be low-drive. It's what I think of when I hear everything else is fine, and he is content with the no-sex life. Or, he could be using porn to satisfy his need?

Glad that you are going to go to MC. Hopefully, they will help get to the root of it.


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## marriedinct46 (Aug 25, 2012)

thank you for your comments guys  i appreciate it... yeah i do feel like it was a bait and switch because the sex was awesome in the beginning... really awesome... and now hes fine with nothing? Not Normal... i have asked if he was gay out of anger and when i was calm - he completely denies it and gets really pissed as if i kicked his manhood in the gut (which i guess that basically does for a guy).. 

thank you for the help. he says he has a low drive problem, so you might have hit the nail on the head. just dont know what the cure is.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

I still think he can compromise more with you even if it is bait and switch.

let us know what they say in the counseling because its going to be intresting for you both to analyze each other in front of someone else.

maybe he can have has testosterone levels checked too.


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## marriedinct46 (Aug 25, 2012)

thank you, that is a good idea


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

Yes. I would definitely get his T-levels checked out. It could cause a decrease in sexual activity, also.


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## DrunkenH (Jul 29, 2012)

Wow, some people's trains of thought are just unreal to me. I think I'm going to start going into the threads about low-drive women and accuse them all of being lesbians. Also, the OP pretty much reinforces my thought that therapists are full of sh*t.


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

some people are just ld. My wife has this problem, but he needs to work at it or the outcome wont be good. Married and no sex is like having a roomate not a husband.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

I'll throw this out there and it may not apply to you. With one of my exs, our sex was great, but it was such a chore to me that I just didn't want to do it with her often. She wanted a half an hour to an hour foreplay and the actual intercourse was maybe 10 minutes.

I prefer 5 minutes of foreplay and then go straight to the sex. Quickies are the best. So when she wanted to do it, I just gave her excuses how I didn't feel like it. It wasn't even that I had a low drive because I have a high drive. I just didn't want to put the work in for the happy ending.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

marriage counseling?

divorce?

a self help book (even though those do nothing imo)?

This is not good id leave but that is just me. Remember life is short!


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

Writer said:


> Yes. I would definitely get his T-levels checked out. It could cause a decrease in sexual activity, also.


Take it for a Low-T guy, GET HIS T-levels checked. With low-T you have no sex drive, I could have gone months maybe years without sex. It did a lot of damage to my wife and our marriage. Now t-injections 1x every 2 weeks and I'm back in the game


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I tried everything to improve my ex partners sex drive, he just didn't really have one, we have been separated 11 years and still hasn't had a girlfriend, he is a great guy otherwise.

All i know is it made me feel so undesirable, but then i jumped in bed with a narcissistic, now they don't like intimacy really, so i jumped from the frying pan straight into the fire.

It has affected me adversely whether i feel actually desirable to men, hence why i did things like naked pictures, i lost self worth, yes that is attention seeking for all the wrong the reasons.

Sex is a right a human right and if you are not feeling desired it is affecting you inhumanely and it is cruel. 

I couldn't imagine never having sex with someone that i loved, just because i didn't feel like it.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> I couldn't imagine never having sex with someone that i loved, just because i didn't feel like it.


Never is a big word...





> nev·er (nvr) KEY
> 
> ADVERB:
> 
> ...


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

Have you gained a lot of weight?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

If you have a good relationship ask him if he has erections in the morning, if he gets then during the day, how often does he masturbate? 
I have been through the same thing as you. We are at once a week with me always starting it and its just not like it was before. He got his T checked and is on the low end of normal. Our MC recommended a urologist who des with this and he is going thank god. I sometimes feel like in about to go crazy. We have only been together two years and this is not normal. 
It could be he is addicted to porn and uses that instead of having sex too. Does he have time to do that without you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Never is a big word...


There are other things that are also big and your point of direction is.

I do believe the emphasis should be placed on the word _love_ and not on the word _never_


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