# Wife declines oral sex



## randomtxguy (Sep 24, 2011)

Ok, this has been a longstanding issue (albeit a minor one) in my marriage. My wife has only had oral sex from me. The first time i went down on her, i was far too aggressive and overly stimulated her clit (like she couldn't ride a bike for two days). I've had one or two other shots but she wasn't open minded and quickly dismissed the act. I thoroughly enjoyed performing this act with past partners and received better than average reviews. Now, I know her body better and what she likes, so I'm sure that I could really thrill her, but she's not open to the concept. Her main complaint is it's too intense (think I can fix that), and it's too slimy.

So, my questions:
1.) Do other women decline oral? and if so, Why?

2.) Any suggestions on how to open the door back up?

Thanks a bunch, can't wait to hear from everyone.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I have yet to have a partner decline oral, unless it was TTOM. 

As far as opening things back up, how about sneaking up on it. Spend some time kissing, licking, sucking everywhere BUT her pvssy. Do that for a few sessions, coming closer and closer. Then maybe a kiss or a swipe, then on to other things. Might be able to get her to ask for it. 

Man, if I was with a partner who wouldn't let me give her oral, it would be a short relationship. Sorry to hear about that. But unable to ride a bike for two days? WTH did you do? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## randomtxguy (Sep 24, 2011)

PBear said:


> But unable to ride a bike for two days? WTH did you do?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I found the little man in the boat and just kept going and going and going and... you get the point


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## Michelle27 (Nov 8, 2010)

I am not as comfortable receiving oral as I'd like to be (and my husband would like me to be...). For me, it's a couple of things. One, I am SUPER sensitive. After just a minute of direct clitoral stimulation, I go numb and/or things just get painful which is obviously distracting to having it feel good. The other is simply being nervous about my taste and smell. My husband has never complained (and in fact would probably do it way more often than I am comfortable with), but I can't seem to stop worrying about it.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

I love receiving now but at first I was really hesitant only because I imagined that the taste and smell were gross. H was the first to ever do that to me and we both worked at it. I do still shower before the act but I love it now! I suggest to just try different techniques with your W, PBear had some pretty awesome suggestions there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

randomtxguy said:


> Ok, this has been a longstanding issue (albeit a minor one) in my marriage. My wife has only had oral sex from me. The first time i went down on her, i was far too aggressive and overly stimulated her clit (like she couldn't ride a bike for two days). I've had one or two other shots but she wasn't open minded and quickly dismissed the act. *I thoroughly enjoyed performing this act with past partners and received better than average reviews.* Now, I know her body better and what she likes, so I'm sure that I could really thrill her, but she's not open to the concept. Her main complaint is it's too intense (think I can fix that), and it's too slimy.
> 
> So, my questions:
> 1.) Do other women decline oral? and if so, Why?
> ...


Oral sex at the right time and done the right way can be utterly divine. 

Oral sex at the wrong time or done the wrong way can be utterly ... not.

Question for you: Are you really wanting to do this for HER, or for YOU? The part I highlighted in your original post kind of suggests that there may be an element of pridefulness in this for you. It doesn't matter what reviews you got before, only what you get now. Focus on what pleasures her and you will find much pleasure in it yourself. 

So, you will need to try and work back up to it slowly and follow her cues during sex.

Because if it's truly for HER, you will wait until she shows that she may be ready for this again. Her trust in you may be a bit diminished and her enjoyment in this particular act doesn't exist right now.

You will need to be persuasive and not coercive with her. Don't make it a big deal. Making something a big deal could just make her even more adverse to trying again.

If her cues suggest that she's receptive to it, then keep your time brief and light down there. You need to work on tantalizing her and building up her trust that you won't do the same thing you did initially. As time goes on and she's been receptive to your forays there, you can spend more time there - but remember to follow her cues - she may be one whose clitoris gets extremely sensitive and will need light stimulation.

You can also experiment with what kind of stimulation she's receptive to on her clitoris by working not only with your mouth/tongue, but using your hands and other items - such as stroking with feathers or velvet, for instance, and watching what brings her pleasure.

Best wishes.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

randomtxguy said:


> I found the little man in the boat and just kept going and going and going and... you get the point


This isn`t going to work for his wife, her little man freaks out due to overstimulation.

Op, you have to avoid her clitoris but tease every other part of her until all she wants is the clitoral stimulation.

Most couples use oral as foreplay but you should try it as afterplay (but before she`s reached orgasm)when she`s a bit more desensitized and her body has adjusted to the sensitivity.

You need to stimulate her a lot in other ways before you even think about touching her clit with your tongue.

Oral sex with my wife is pretty high maintenance due to her sensitivity as it seems it is with yours.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

randomtxguy said:


> 1.) Do other women decline oral? and if so, Why?


Maybe she's concerned about your health. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...than-smoking-men-researchers-say-article.html


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I decline it...well, i let him do it for a minute or so but then pull him back up to me...

I don't know why...I just don't enjoy it. he's not very good at that one thing either. I've tried to tell him how I like it (while not saying he's bad at it) and he doesn't change his technique. lol. It's no big deal...I never enjoyed it. He doesn't ever really want to do it anyway so I'm lucky in that aspect. I love giving him oral though. So it's good.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Some women (and they can be otherwise highly orgasmic) are not into it because it isn't how they orgasm. YK?


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Start by having your wife lie on her stomach naked and give her a body rub, making sure you pay close attention to her a$$. Make some gentle swipes where her a$$ and pu$$y meet like it's an accident. Then when she's relaxed and aroused, turn her over and do the same thing again, only make some feather-light strokes on her pu$$y. Then kiss her all over and assure her that you are not doing oral on her. Start with her legs and lightly lick and stroke her with your tongue and lightly stroke with your hands. Move up to her thighs and do the same thing. Avoid her pu$$y and do all around it. Then sneak in ONE light lick on her pu$$y and then keep going to other places. Then come back to her pu$$y again if she seems receptive, but be FEATHER LIGHT and only do a light lick and then move on again. 

I bet if you use this patient, gentle, but erotic approach, she will be so turned on by it that she will eventually allow you to stay on her pu$$y for longer.

If that doesn't work then try to talk to her (outside of the bedroom) about what she doesn't like and assure her that you love giving oral and that the tast and smell of her pu$$y really turns you on. Some women are afraid of the smell or taste or worry that their husbands are not enjoying being down there. Tell her you want her to tell you how to do it better and acknowledge that the last time was not good but you can get better.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

I never ever say not to oral. My husband is an outstanding giver of the oral treats . The goal isnt always orgasm. it just feels so damn good


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am sure that some women decline but I am not one of them. To me...its one of the best sex acts ever. Perhaps she is insecure or doesn't like the way it feels or worries bout how she tastes. Explain to her its something you really want to explore sexually with her and tell her how much it means to you and how much you loved it when you did it to her. Pbear, what's TTOM?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Advice? EASE UP Mario Andretti!!! Not every woman is a porn star who likes their cl*t punched. ( sorry if im vulgar, its true though).

If your the only person who has gone down on her what does that tell you? Most likely, it has never been stimulated before. Why dont you be a little soft with her...gentle kissing will most likely drive her insane. Set the mood though, make her know you want to be easy with her, not with your words, but your actions. A few minutes here or there each time, will probably have her begging for more..if you play the game right.

Good luck!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

randomtxguy said:


> So, my questions:
> 1.) Do other women decline oral? and if so, Why?
> 
> 2.) Any suggestions on how to open the door back up?


In our early marriage, my husband used to always try to go down on me -- looking back I am very happy he had this desire , he always loved it ...BUT me, I had some mental hangups , the whole time he would be down there...I would be thinking "How in God's name can he possibly like that ....ewwww" for me it was a "dirty act", and this clouded my whole experience, and I would push his head away. I was too sexually inhibited, too sexually uneducated, too much "good girl" thinking. 

A shame really. 

Young women should educate themselves and work to shed this kind of thinking, IF it is one of the hinderences she has. It did feel amazing but our minds can mess anything up-even pleasure ! 

Now a days, if he didn't like to do it , I would be upset about it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I am sure that some women decline but I am not one of them. To me...its one of the best sex acts ever. Perhaps she is insecure or doesn't like the way it feels or worries bout how she tastes. Explain to her its something you really want to explore sexually with her and tell her how much it means to you and how much you loved it when you did it to her. Pbear, what's TTOM?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, think I missed a T in there... TTOTM = That Time Of The Month

C


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Just courious.

if she don't like oral what do you do to get her fired up what type of foreplay. do you use your hands on her dose she like that ?

I would imagine if she like when you touch her clit I can't imagine her not liking licking it.

if she likes touch then she has a hang up about you seeing it or thinks it to dirty or something.

I also thing she needs it to be more gentle.

nice and gental and slowly build up the rythem watch her body responce if she seem too tense slow down and ask her dose this feel better.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Ladies - there is a mix of responses on here....some of you love having your little man toungued, some hate it.

What about giving oral to your husband/partner? Do you really enjoy giving? Hate it but do it for him? Hate it so much that you simply wont do it no matter how much he'd like you to?


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

It's great to hear that some women here really, really love oral, but that sort of wasn't the question. It was more the question of why some women don't like it (for which there were a few replies - thank you) and how to overcome this (if possible). My wife is in the camp of no oral sex (for her or me) which as RandomTX notes is an on-going issue and for me, a 'minor' issue in the big scheme of things, but.... (There was a brief time when this part was 'better' but stopped, for some reason. This is slated in my mind as 'a topic to discuss' but it is steeped in feelings of rejection (on my part) and perceived (by me) as power-play on her part. Def. to be discussed. I know . . . communication (blah, blah, blah).)

Anyway, I guess I'm venting about this part of TAM (sex in marriage) could be really helpful. . . this thread is a topic near and dear to me, but, quite frankly, it took some restraint to get pass some of the 'OMG I soooo love when my husband goes down on me' posts. And, I'm really glad for you for that : ) but . . .

It's like if there were a thread from a guy called "I only get it 4x year - what do I do?" and I posted, "Dude, 4x/week is a slow week for me. Good luck!" You see, not helpful. But, we're all here to share, so share and share alike. I'll be quiet now.

As they say . . .

And now back to our regular programming (and oral sex for all : ).


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I am one who didn't get into it.
It isn't how I come. I like indirect stimulation and direct doesn't excite me.....I feel nothing from it.
I don't mind someone doing it but it does not turn me on.

There isn't anything the matter with me as a woman though it isn't how I groove.

I am not into hands or vibrators either.

Open minded to them, they don't do it.


I do come with other actions BUT I have given oral to men I have been involved with. I enjoy them enjoying.


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

This is the only way my wife will usually climax. I have had her cum a few times with intercourse with her on her stomach. But oral and g-spot massage does it every time.

She was freaked out the first time I when down on her, really freaked out. I think she was raised to think her pink lady was dirty and not to be explored. She denies masturbating but has never answered that question either.

To this day I can not go there with out going under the covers, only after I have her in a state of euphoria can I rip the blankets off and see her whole body enjoying the moment. I love seeing her back arch and chest heaving with pleasure, such a turn on. 

But I think my wife is probably like a lot of other women out there. My wife is naturally very wet, she has a certain smell to her (not a bad smell, it is very sweet and intoxicating, I wish I could bottle it seriously) and I think she gets a little self conscious about it and doesn't want me in there. Again I think it is a belief it is a dirty thing to be doing and almost feels guilty getting extreme pleasure from it.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I can't think of any advice to give here.. everyone's wife is so different in their preferences, conditioning, how they respond to things.. I say don't give up. Sometimes i get more done with toys and my fingers than strictly my tongue.

my wife doesn't 'decline' oral, unless she doesn't want to do anything at all, but sometimes I sneak up on her while she's shopping on the laptop, and after 5-10 minutes I have to tell her to put down the friggin laptop! I'll say something like 'so you'd rather shop for baby clothes than receive oral pleasure from me?' we'll have a snarky little exchange and eventually she'll get into it. I dunno, maybe it's just how she rolls.

it's kind of funny actually.

I can't imagine this happening in reverse. If she started going to town on me, i would drop everything I was doing immediately.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

jezza said:


> Ladies - there is a mix of responses on here....some of you love having your little man toungued, some hate it.
> 
> What about giving oral to your husband/partner? Do you really enjoy giving? Hate it but do it for him? Hate it so much that you simply wont do it no matter how much he'd like you to?


 I love it. I think its fun. And I don't understand people who don't enjoy giving or receiving. PB...thaanks for explaining TTOM and yaa...it'd be gross if u were into that during ttom!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I just don't like how my husband does it. lol.

I love giving though.

Not hard to understand.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

My wife has never given me any form of oral (though likes receiving it herself).
She simply refuses to. Period. No reason, no nothing. Just 'No'.
She said the idea of a d*ck in her mouth is simply repulsive. 
I could understand a female not letting her man 'finish' in her mouth....but giving your clean, hygienic partner a BJ...well, speaking as a male (who knows how mindblowing bj's are!!) is the ultimate pleasure.

My wife refusing point blank IS a big issue for me.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

I can't stand receiving oral. I love giving it and do all the time but receiving - no.

I've just never liked it. It's not a mental thing. I've had a nice handful of partners, never liked it. I told my H right from the beginning, I don't like it, don't do it, is that okay with you? It was fine with him, he did it once to "make sure". 

I doubt I'll ever like it, because I'm not planning to try it. There are so many other things that are great, it's not a big deal. 

But after reading this thread, I'm REALLY glad I was upfront about it in the beginning.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Well damn. Life is not fair. Some women have men who love giving oral but don't like it. But here I am...I want it but he apparently doesn't like giving?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> Well damn. Life is not fair. Some women have men who love giving oral but don't like it. But here I am...I want it but he apparently doesn't like giving?


Nope, as one of my high school teachers used to love to say to us when he'd give us a pop quiz, "fair is a figment of your imagination." : )

Have you tried other kinds of stimulation? Lordy, you can try all sorts of things that don't involve a mouth, or even a hand. Feathers, velvet, toys. Things that are safe, but that involve different textures, even different temperatures. You might be surprised what you find you like and he might enjoy experimenting with you.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Nope, as one of my high school teachers used to love to say to us when he'd give us a pop quiz, "fair is a figment of your imagination." : )
> 
> Have you tried other kinds of stimulation? Lordy, you can try all sorts of things that don't involve a mouth, or even a hand. Feathers, velvet, toys. Things that are safe, but that involve different textures, even different temperatures. You might be surprised what you find you like and he might enjoy experimenting with you.


See, he claimed to like it but doesn't like doing it all the time. I think his ego was just bruised because I never had an earth shattering orgasm as a result (he's actually not that great at it like he thinks he is) so he just backed off. Married since July and have gotten it once. 

Anyway, he doesn't like including toys in the bedroom so I just do without. I use the fingers on my right hand  It sucks at times but at this point not a deal breaker.


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## randomtxguy (Sep 24, 2011)

Hi all,

Thanks for all the advice, this turned into a pretty good discussion.

Relating to my particular situation, there are a few things:

1.) I can stimulate her with my hands and she gets there every time, so I have a pretty good idea of what she likes.

2.) Adding oral to our routine is for both of us. I find it intimate, and want her to be pleased in as many ways as possible. Also, the last time she let me go down, I had no idea how to get her there, we were still figuring each other's bodies out. Now, I know, and think that could make oral very pleasurable to her. She is very sensitive, so exposing her clit is just too much stimulation. 

3.) She is caught up on the act being dirty, and has a textural issue, she finds the act slimy. I think if she liked it, she'd be willing to give it a try again.

Thanks again for all the help and comments. For the record, she'll still provide oral and gets a nice grin when she's giving.


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## kelevra (May 19, 2011)

SepticChange said:


> See, he claimed to like it but doesn't like doing it all the time. I think his ego was just bruised because I never had an earth shattering orgasm as a result (he's actually not that great at it like he thinks he is) so he just backed off. Married since July and have gotten it once.
> 
> Anyway, he doesn't like including toys in the bedroom so I just do without. I use the fingers on my right hand  It sucks at times but at this point not a deal breaker.


Thats to bad ... giving when your partner enjoys is the biggest turn on and the most rewarding. I saw that look on my W's face at 4 am this morning as I looked up at her eyes rolled up in her head , mouth gasping for air...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

She's saying 'No', "My Rules" and "Take take take"?

Gee, there's a shock.


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## Danielson (Nov 28, 2010)

Done right I don't think any woman would not enjoy it. The key is doing it right. This is where the woman needs to be open enough to let her man know how it's feeling. Guide him through it ladies... tell him if it's too hard or too fast, too high or too low, etc. Enjoy the experimenting and learning process. And men, be willing to learn... it's an art. Marriage is an adventure in pleasure... enjoy yourselves.


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