# Boundaries



## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

So, my counselor and I have talked a lot about healthy boundaries in divorce. We are a few weeks out from mediation, but I'm finding I'm constantly having to protect the boundaries I need when dealing with my stbxh.

We have children, and we co-own a business. So we communicate often. My circumstance of my H's infidelity precluding the divorce, makes me want to isolate as much as possible. But I know a certain friendliness is needed for us to allow our children a healthy transistion.

I contiunally find myslef being pushed back into the parent role for my H. I keep trying to get him to tell me the truth or even worrying about being lied to in the first place. He is self employed by our business, so I work to ensure we are getting paid, so that he can inturn pay my childsupport. 

He also talks to me about the OW, how she is "on the way out", etc. When our conversations get emotional he tries to comfort me physically. 

I know that in dovorce we need to stop relying on each other like we used to, but I'm the only one making an attempt to keep the lines clear. Its like he's still trying to hold on to me and what I used to provide for him in our relationship, without us beign together. I'm usually pretty good about stopping him, but it can be hard. After 10 years on a relationship how do you just stop wanting that person to be there? I know what is the best thing for myself mentally, but sticking to is and not giving into what I think I want is so hard.

Is anyone else having problems setting and sticking to boundaries?


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

LostJB - I am in the same boat. We own a business and have a child. My H cheated on me and we have been separated since May. He opened a new checking account for business and has not entered his invoices in QuickBooks. I was always the responsible one and made sure that taxes were files, invoices entered and bank reconciled each month. Now, I try to ask pleasantly if is he doing such and such and all I get is very vague answerrs or none at all. I have to let go of caring and told my accountant I would be filing separately this year on the taxes and head of household.

I try to be pleasant to do the child exchange without drama, but sometimes I could just slap that man for what he has done to our lives.


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