# I need advice ASAP!!!!!!



## TheLostGoodGuy (Nov 1, 2010)

Ive posted on here a couple of times about whats going on. Long story short she wants the divorce I dont. I didnt cheat, use drugs, drink, or anything else that has caused most divorces. So here we are we have been seperated for two months now and nothing has changed. There was hope there for alittle while and I kept screwing the pooch. She asked me for sometime to think and I couldnt give it to her. I was constantly texting and callign all day jsut trying to get her to understand that I love her and our child. The more I reached it the more it became a push. She became angier everytime I tried to talk about us. I havent gone completly crazy like driving by our house or calling or stopping by her work. The main problem is I would try and call to tell her how much I wanted this to work out but she would get angry and then say the most horrible things to me and then I would retaliate and say things back to her that I didnt mean. After the last huge fight she blocked my number and called the cops and made a report that I was harrasing her. What would cause someone to call the cops you ask well this is how it started. I told her that if we are getting a divorce that I would petition to get joint custody of our son. She told me good luck with that. Then she told me that there was nothing set in place now since we havent been to court and that if I countined to be an ahole that she would not let me see my son at all. So this is where I made my threats I told her That I would call the cops and take our new car and she couldnt stop me. (She has no lisence or insurance at this point in time.) So this is where she blocked my number and called the cops about the harrasment. My dad ended up calling her and told her to cut the crap and she told him she would not file a Restraing order which she told me she was going to do first thing in the morning. 

After that nasty fight we had little contact because I was afraid of her filing the restraining order because im in college right now to be a cop and if i had anythign like that on my record it would ruin me. So acouple of days pass and we just sat down and talked about everything just last night 12/26/2010. She told me that we are done we are getting a divorce there is no chance in hell and that I need to quit grasping at straws. Then after that she tells me that if I sleep with anyone that we would be done forever. So thats where I became confused and asked if your telling me its done already why would it matter. Then she got pissed off and went back to the do whatever you want its over your a big boy make your own desicions. I told her Im sorry she feels that way and I left

Today 12/27/2010 I called her and texted her a couple of times when I thought she was off work but she wasnt and this was one of problems. I dont see the harm of texting back in forth with someone that works at a pet store cause its not like they have customers all the time. Well she got off work and called me and yelled what is so important you have to blow me up at work. I told her I didnt want to talk while she was this upset. She told me no that she wants to know. So i began to explain to her that this is the last chance I have of being with the mother of my child because I would not have anymore kids seeing how this is my second divorce and I have three children and Im not going to risk getting someone else pregant so I can feel this pain again. I told her that I loved her with all my heart and that there wasnt a thing I wouldnt change or do for her. She told me its too late she doesnt care that I ruined my chances by not giver her space and time to think. So i got emotional and began to cry. She told me she didnt want to hear me cry and she hung up the phone.

After thinking about it and tlaking to my friends and family I have finally made the descion to let her go. I dont want to and I want to be able to be with her so we can watch our child grow together but its not going to happen. I have come to realization that the she is the one no longer in love and she kicked me out. A good friend told me if she cant love me like a wife should then I just need to move on cause some woman out there would.

I feel like crap cause I am only 29 and this is my second failed marriage. My first one failed caused she cheated on me while I was in Iraq. This one failed cause I truely had too many problems from Iraq. I would just shut down emotionally and if we had a fight I figured everythign would be ok tomorrow because thats how you deal with life and death in the military. I dont know what to do at this point. 

So heres the real dilemia. There is this girl that has taken a liking to me that I am in college with and she has made it very known to me that she wants to get to know me better. Like i said we are getting a divorce we have been seperated for two months and the stbew is the one that is saying she is done forever. So what do I do people. Do i persue this new woman even if it would be a rebound to me. Or is this the first step in learning how to get over my wife..? Is my wife just saying its over because she is still mad is that why she threw in the if i hook up with someone she is done forever was that her true feelings? I dont know what to do cause I am afraid even if i do just go on a date with this new woman that It will deffintly kill what ever chance if any i have with my wife.


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## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

i would wait until the she does file for divorce, because if there is a chance, and you want that chance, dont spoil it.. that being said, explain to the other girl that you are just not over your wife, and that you feel it wouldnt be fair on her to let her develop feelings for you, as she may get hurt.. if she likes you enough, she will still be there when you know what is happening with wife, if not, her loss, there will be others.


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## TheLostGoodGuy (Nov 1, 2010)

Thats one of the problems we have already filed for divorce. When she told me she wanted space to think it was to think about actually going thorugh with it or not. She seems to think our divorce was messed up so she told me she is going to file again. Sh she is going to have filed for divorce twice. The thing was I was suppose to being going to a seven week in patient treatment for PTSD to get over 3 tours of Iraq and she said before that she didnt want to call it quits because i might change. She is now telling me that even if i do go it wont matter she is done and there is no hope.


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## TheLostGoodGuy (Nov 1, 2010)

Also I left out this detail. She told me that we had to get a divorce cause she believed it would be the only way I would taker her seriously. I was like how in the hell can I show you anything if you wont take me back.


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## Broken_Angel (Feb 21, 2010)

i didnt realise that you have already filed for divorce...

before i try and give any advice may i first say that i have massive amounts of admiration and respect for you, and thank you, along with all of the other boys and girls in the armed forces for everything you have done and are doing.

this is a horrible situation for you.. i know cos im in it too.. you want it to work, but you want to move on if it cant, and finding someone else, rebound or not, will help with that process. but your stuck, because of what she has said.. she is playing games, but im sure you know that, maybe she doesnt want you, but no one else can have you. she isnt being very understanding with regards to what yu ar going through emotionally, and i think she should have been prepared for this to affect her as well as you.

you cant put your life on hold based on what ifs.. go on a date with this other girl, your stbew does not need to know.. but maybe if she did find out she would realise that she doesnt want to lose you after all?? just as long as you are straight with the other girl from the off.. and dont sleep with her, that way, you are not cheating on your wife, just having a friendly drink with someone you know from college, there is no harm in that.

Edit: she really does not know what she wants, that is obvious.. let her just get this out of her system, but dont put your life on hold


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I also want to say thank you for your service and sacrifice. 

I'd like to suggest that you put relationships on hold for a while, maybe a year or two. Not because of your wife, but because I think you would make better relationship choices if you worked through your PTSD and looked at what you want and need from a partner. 

I think this will be really hard for you, because you want the support of another person when you are suffering. But often that person and the new relationship become distractions from facing up to the hard, therapeutic work you need to do. 

Your kids really need you, too, and trying to work through issues and be there for them as much as you can will take a lot of time. 

Anyway, this is just a suggestion. Maybe talk it over with a counselor. If you decide to forego new relationships for a while, the extra bonus is that when you are on the otherside of this "break," you will be a better person AND still single and, maybe, she'll be ready to try again with you. Don't go into it planning on that, because if she moves on, you'll be cruelly disappointed. But letting go and working on yourself will always be time well spent.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I agree with sisters. I think if you were to speak to your wife and explain that right now things are messy due to some PTSD and just stuff...and ask if you can put the marriage and divorce and just everything "on hold" until after you've done the in-patient treatment, I think it might be of benefit to both of you. This will give her the security of knowing you value her enough to try to work on yourself and do better--and it will give you the security of knowing that you have the time to really face yourself without having to worry about the marriage too. 

Then #1--don't get involved with the girl at school. You made a vow to your wife to give 100% of your affection and loyalty to her. I know you're a man of your word, so give her the dignity of honoring your oath to her. The situation is SNAFU enough without adding another person into it. Stay loyal--stay dedicated to being the best man, husband and father you can be. 

#2--If the divorce was messed up somehow, ask her if she'd be willing to just put refiling "on hold" until after you get out of the in-patient thing. If she will, you go in there and face that PTSD with all you've got. It'll take some bravery and courage, but go at it full-heartedly knowing that dealing with this will make you a better man. 

#3--Come out of there a new man. Treat your wife with dignity and respect. Take responsibility for the things you did that contributed to the mess, and make sure she realizes she is an adult TOO and she has vows to live up to too! In other words, you be responsible for your part, apologize (if need be) followed by living in a way that communicates real change...and then let her be responsible for her part and pray that she'll stand up to her end of the bargain! 

Even if she doesn't, you'll have given it your all and your best, and you'll be able to look yourself in the eye in the morning.


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