# What were the signs of their spouse cheating?



## 40jane (Dec 8, 2010)

I've researched this, read many websites but want to hear from real people that had it happen to them. 

What were the signs of their spouse cheating?

Thanks


----------



## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Distant,no sex,constent internet use,you name it?


----------



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

gregj123 said:


> Distant,no sex,constent internet use,you name it?


Ditto to the above but I also got the 'I think we need to separate because I love you but I'm not in love with you' speech.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> Ditto to the above but I also got the 'I think we need to separate because I love you but I'm not in love with you' speech.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


excatly!!!!!!!! same old line


----------



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

"I love you but I'm not in love with you"

"I'm haven't been happy for a long time"

"We'll always be close"

Rewriting history so that issues that were never issues are now a big deal;

Distant/detached;

cell phone attached to the hip/constant texting;

And, the biggest one - my GUT said something was up. No matter how many times he lied and told me no, there was no one else, and no matter how much I wanted to believe it, I knew something was wrong. Trust your gut. It's usually right.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

She'd go to work out at the ymca, be gone for hours, and come back with gym clothes that were not soiled in the least.


----------



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

blownaway said:


> "I love you but I'm not in love with you"
> 
> "I'm haven't been happy for a long time"
> 
> ...


This is pretty spot on. It actually made me feel that sickening feeling in my stomach again after reading it.  These are the things H said to me before I discovered the EA. 

Also, "I'm not sure if things can ever be how they were. We've grown apart." 

Passwords that were previously open suddenly being changed.

Shorter phone conversations.

When you spend time together they seem distracted.

Shutting out of other family members/friends that would not agree with his/her actions.

Need for a cell phone plan with more minutes because they "use it for work".


----------



## loveless25 (Jan 5, 2011)

Buying me Gifts, hiding phone, changing pass words, working out, lousy distant sex, weekends with friends, longer hours of work, buying new clothes, telling me he needs space, and new hobbies. When I found out he tried to reconnect with me through sex and smothering me with unwanted attention. It was gross.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

never home, ie; works late, out with the girls, work schedule irregular, and rock bottom is when that stop coming home at night.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I forgot one big one, they leave in the middle of the night after you've gone to bed together, and waking up to find her and your car gone.


----------



## 40jane (Dec 8, 2010)

Thank you for your telling me the signs..but this lead me to another question?? If your spouse demonstrates all these signs, is gone to work, spends the night at parents?, doesn't tell you where he is, is distant, non-affectionate, secretive, doesn't want to have sex with and is diagnosed with major depression do you think it is identical signs of cheating or just coincidental?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I don't get it.... his behaviors is... indentical to cheating or just coincidental to cheating?

Save your self some time, investigete his actions and then go from there. It will be hard to fix a marriage when there is some one else still in the picture. Once you find there is someone else then you can confront that issue and remove that person from the picture. Then address the bigger issue of why they needed someone else.

One thing to think about, I would have major depression if i was so unhappy in my marraige that I needed to go out a commit adultary just to get by.


----------



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I think you need to start spying on him, follow him, gps in his car, keylogger on his comp, flexispy on his phone,.......sure sounds classic............sorry


----------



## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

enough is enough, easy to find out but harder to believe its happening to you!


----------



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I do think some of the signs could be attributable to the depression. I also think that if he's cheating that could lead to signs of depression. That's what I thought for my H. He was not diagnosed with major depression, so that's a big difference. However, we had some significant personal issues happen to him over the last couple of years - death of his mother, fall out with his father, he's 44 years old, hates his job, etc. etc. So, it becomes sort of a chicken and the egg situation - what came first? Did the depression creep into the marriage and make him want to give up. Or, did the problems in the marriage, i.e., adultery, lead to feelings of depression and/or guilt. I really wanted to believe my H so I did not investigate or look into things. I don't know that I could have emotionally handled that. I knew in my heart I would probably find something I did not want to see. So, I let it play out. If there is someone else, she will likely surface soon. If you don't want to wait and think you are strong enough to handle it, investigate. Even then, though, there are apparently ways for them to hide if that's really what they want. Good luck!!!


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

gregj,
At least jane is in the "Coping with Infidelity" forum so thats 1/2 the battle. It sound like shes believes it possible

I read alot of stories about guys that say there wifes stays out all night and then came home with semin on there face, I dont thinks she cheating I just wish she would stop text all those guys. Usaully its posted in the General Discussion forum;-)


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Wow! I recently divorced and my wife was doing 90% of this stuff. She still claims she didn't meet her current boyfriend until she filed for divorce.


----------

