# Is there a "partner predator" in your life?



## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

I've actually had several of these over the years. On my end and my wife's end. Proper boundaries and awareness of the situation prevented disaster in our case. Those "just a friend"'s will get you every time.


Is A 'Partner Predator' Circling Your Husband Or Wife?


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## SoFlaGuy (Nov 28, 2014)

There have been , on both sides. There was one female I worked with that I was friendly with, we shared some interests including running. She said she wanted to meet up to run together but she started crossing lines. She told me she had sexual dreams of me, would get very touchy, even suggested she join my wife and I for a threesome. I can't say I wasn't tempted, she was a tall, thin blonde but I had to dial her back a bit, even though we would still talk at work we never met up outside. She eventually transferred out of the area so that one resolved itself.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've each had some, but most have been harmless and easily dissuaded or ignored. More like crushes than active interference and pursuit. The one exception was a guy who kept coming to the bank where my wife worked; eventually the police paid him a visit, because they don't like the combination of stalkers and banks.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Nothing but an ad.

There are bad people out there that want to **** up your marriage.
Send me a $150 and I'll un-**** it for you.

The Internet equivalent to an ambulance chaser.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

thanks for posting. I think this has been a problem forever, but social media makes it easier to do and probably to detect....


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## SoFlaGuy (Nov 28, 2014)

Amplexor said:


> Nothing but an ad.
> 
> There are bad people out there that want to **** up your marriage.
> Send me a $150 and I'll un-**** it for you.
> ...


That's funny, I didn't click the link so I missed that.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Amplexor said:


> Nothing but an ad.
> 
> There are bad people out there that want to **** up your marriage.
> Send me a $150 and I'll un-**** it for you.
> ...


 BINGO!
Point out the obvious then offer help through podcasts that you sell, which are likely as vague and useless as the article.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

There have been several for me and one for my wife that I know of. The one for my wife was her cousins husband and she told me he would hug her a little too close when we saw them so I kept an eye on him. He was too friendly. My wife is way better looking than his, and I could see he would check my wife out at family events. I called him out when he went in for a hug and really squeezed her against him I said “what the [email protected]@@ man, don’t hug my wife like that, don’t touch her ever again. I see you looking at her, you piece of [email protected]@@ with your wife here and your kids” he was embarrassed and my wife was as well, it was a thing, but it stopped.
I had an assistant that got too close, we spent a lot of time together working and she was really good and helped a lot. She was ten years younger and very attractive. I took her to company lunches and dinners and drinks when I met with clients, since she had lots of contact with my clients, she needed to be in the know and help with business. It felt like we were on dates sometimes, even though it was business. It was weird. At times she would put her arm in mine when we stood or crossed a street or would get really physically close, all of which I’d handle and push her away softly. I felt we were a little too close, no flirting or romantic talk, lots of conversation and lots of looking into each other’s eyes and lots of inside jokes and she’d go out of her way to bring me coffee or food or bake things for me, she came in crying one day because she fought with her boyfriend and came into my office and shut the door and asked for a hug and I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. I felt it was too far for a work relationship, so I distanced myself until one day she and I were standing together looking at some papers and she took my hand and held it to her chest (not her boobs) and said she gets so turned on when we’re are alone because we have such great chemistry, she leaned in about half way and it looked to me like she wanted a kiss, it happened so fast I just pulled my hand away and turned the subject back to the work (I did not kiss her). Afterward I stopped giving her work and didn’t want to let her go because she had thrown her boyfriend out and was on her own. I had her moved into another department, one that didn’t have any males. I hired another assistant who was also young and attractive, they’re young and right out of school usually and males don’t apply and the pay isn’t good so older women don’t apply. This one was fine and normal for a long time until one night after drinks with clients she asked me to walk her to her car and I did since it was dark out and when we got to her car she put her arms around my shoulders and told me she was home alone because her parents were out of town and she invited me to her parents house for another drink, I laughed, this girl who lived with her parents, I told her I’d forget what she said but to never ever let it happen again, and she didn’t until she quit a few moths later. Her last day she came to my office and asked if I’d like to take her up on that drink, I said no thanks and she gave me her phone number and said to call her when I’m ready for that drink. It was awkward. 
Most men I know in my field and in my position have cheated. The opportunity is there and the temptation is there. I’ve been strong because I have a great wife. 
My wife works in a place that’s like 90% femal, 5% gay males, and 5% males, and those guys have nothing on me. I’m better looking and earn 5 times what they do, so I’m not worried and my wife is not the type. But you never know. Maybe a poor ugly guy might be so charming. I doubt it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

It’s over eighteen months since I first posted on tam and I can’t believe how much my life has changed.Back then,without realizing it I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.I was engaged to my long term girlfriend,less than three months away from our wedding and it all went to ****.
She owned a business,a health studio and some of her employees and friends were really taking advantage of her.Her friends were using her business free of charge and some of her employees were doing no work,sometimes not even coming in but getting well paid,she was also far to generous on nights out and she would often pay everyone’s tab.When the wedding started getting closer some of these girls were worried that the good times were coming to an end and unbelievably, they decided to try and split us up.They told her regularly that I had been seeing other women and also that she couldn’t compete with me financially or looks wise.They knew she couldn’t go out too much at night because she had a son from a previous relationship,she still lived with her parents who looked after her son during the day, so it was easy for them to send anonymous texts telling her I had been seen with another woman.I was oblivious to this and it was only when they tried to convince her to get a tattoo which was a deal breaker for me that I started fighting back.
Then they changed tactics and they started texting and calling me offering to call over to my house for a chat or “anything else I would like”I never answered because by then I realized I was being played,I just didn’t realize who was playing me.They finally screwed up one night when my gf came over unexpectedly and while she was in my house she got a message saying I had just left a bar with a girl.She knew then that they were lying to her and accepted I wasn’t cheating.It was too late for me though,I dumped her and canceled the wedding.
A few weeks later we found out she was pregnant but that’s another story.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> It’s over eighteen months since I first posted on tam and I can’t believe how much my life has changed.Back then,without realizing it I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.I was engaged to my long term girlfriend,less than three months away from our wedding and it all went to ****.
> 
> She owned a business,a health studio and some of her employees and friends were really taking advantage of her.Her friends were using her business free of charge and some of her employees were doing no work,sometimes not even coming in but getting well paid,she was also far to generous on nights out and she would often pay everyone’s tab.When the wedding started getting closer some of these girls were worried that the good times were coming to an end and unbelievably, they decided to try and split us up.They told her regularly that I had been seeing other women and also that she couldn’t compete with me financially or looks wise.They knew she couldn’t go out too much at night because she had a son from a previous relationship,she still lived with her parents who looked after her son during the day, so it was easy for them to send anonymous texts telling her I had been seen with another woman.I was oblivious to this and it was only when they tried to convince her to get a tattoo which was a deal breaker for me that I started fighting back.
> 
> ...




That’s insane. I don’t understand what their motivation could have been? Sounds more like they tried to break you guys up to get together with you. 
Are you going to resume the wedding?


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Read Andy's thread. A great one with good feedback and suggestions.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> That’s insane. I don’t understand what their motivation could have been? Sounds more like they tried to break you guys up to get together with you.
> Are you going to resume the wedding?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It gets better.While we were broke up my gf lost her business and was close to bankruptcy.My inner white knight showed up and I bought the business.When I walked into the studio the first morning to tell all the staff that they worked for me now the first thing I did was to fire three of the toxic *****es that had ruined my life.


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## NYCBILL (Nov 27, 2017)

I wish i would have seen this article a year ago.....My wife not only fell for the predator's charm, but i was completely duped by it. This other man and personal friend would always flirt with the wives in our circle of friends. It was dismissed as "just him being him" and it "meant nothing". However, nothing could have been further from the truth. Turns out he did in fact flirt with the other wives, but the ones who responded in a positive manner were marked in his mind as potential opportunities down the road. All of this happened via text. So he'd send sexual emoticons via text that he could either say were a joke, or if they were reciprocated he knew he could try to take it further. He then started texting my wife questions like "how do you know if you're with the right person, what would be it be like to be free, I miss making love" blah blah blah. My wife bit (her own issues) and they had a 2-3 month sextual affair (nothing physical and yes she's been poly'd). I had suspicions at various points during the affair but nothing concrete but the point is that I felt guilty for even thinking he'd do that to me. We'd been friends for over 10 years, vacationed together, etc. So despite a gut feeling, I thought there was no way he'd do that, much less her. 

We're 6 months into a pretty positive reconciliation and I'm so aware of other men now it's insane...and so is she. She's working on boundary issues with her therapist as she claims her whole life has been about poor boundaries to some degree or another. When it came out to the entire group what had happened, not 1 wife said they were surprised about him being the culprit but all were shocked about her. Now a group of friends is destroyed and not one of them will ever talk to my wife again. Definitely for the best, but all husbands should be aware of this threat. it's everywhere.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

*Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Andy1001 said:


> It gets better.While we were broke up my gf lost her business and was close to bankruptcy.My inner white knight showed up and I bought the business.When I walked into the studio the first morning to tell all the staff that they worked for me now the first thing I did was to fire three of the toxic *****es that had ruined my life.



Nice work. Next time I’m pissed at someone, I’ll be sure to do the same  There are a couple I have in mind though buying up HSBC and then firing them will require a bit more cash...
More importantly, I hope there aren’t any bad residues between you and your ex-gf/future wife (?) after this.
One sometimes forgets how manipulative people can be. When you have money, you have to be very careful who your real friends are.
I preempt that problem by not letting anyone know or have reasons to assume that I’m more wealthy than them (except anonymously).



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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



inmyprime said:


> Nice work. Next time I’m pissed at someone, I’ll be sure to do the same  There are a couple I have in mind though buying up HSBC and then firing them will require a bit more cash...
> More importantly, I hope there aren’t any bad residues between you and your ex-gf/future wife (?) after this.
> One sometimes forgets how manipulative people can be. When you have money, you have to be very careful who your real friends are.
> I preempt that problem by not letting anyone know or have reasons to assume that I’m more wealthy than them (except anonymously).
> ...


No,we’re good.Once I calmed down and started thinking rationally again I realized I still wanted her but I thought I had burned too many bridges.Then she discovered she was pregnant and I just took control,organized everything and after a few months of dating again we moved in together.There were some hiccups along the way,our first counseling session springs to mind,you couldn’t make up what happened but we are really happy now and we will get married at some stage.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

Noble1 said:


> Read Andy's thread. A great one with good feedback and suggestions.


It was reading his thread that brought me on Tam.The thread"my fiances tattoo” will prove that it doesn't matter how much money you have, everybody can be brought down to earth by love and interfering people can wreck any relationship.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Amplexor said:


> Nothing but an ad.
> 
> There are bad people out there that want to **** up your marriage.
> Send me a $150 and I'll un-**** it for you.
> ...


Yeah my thoughts exactly. Not to say that there aren't "predators" out there -- there are.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

Laurentium said:


> Yeah my thoughts exactly. Not to say that there aren't "predators" out there -- there are.


When I caught my ex wife cheating the first time we had young children and it wasn't possible to split up. I warned her I would not put up with it again. Ten years later she cheated with the same man,he was her boss. They had kept in touch all along and the stupid ***** thought I had forgotten about the first affair. She rang one night and told me some bs story about having to stay overnight for work even though she was only an hour's drive from home. I called a friend who went to the hotel and seen them having a romantic dinner together and then they went to her bedroom. My friend actually did electrical work for the hotel and the receptionist let him see the register and my wife had checked in with her boss as man and wife. It amazes me how stupid she was. I threw her out, made a complaint to the company and both were sacked. I live in Ireland and divorce is relatively new, she got nothing from me, not a cent.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

This makes me feel bad. I have a lot of female friends. Not one of them has made inappropriate remarks or tried to touched me. Instead of driving a wedge between me and my wife, they all go on about how awesome she is and how lucky I am. I wonder if there is something wrong with me that makes women not want to hit on me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Robbie1234 said:


> When I caught my ex wife cheating the first time we had young children and it wasn't possible to split up. I warned her I would not put up with it again. Ten years later she cheated with the same man,he was her boss. They had kept in touch all along and the stupid ***** thought I had forgotten about the first affair. She rang one night and told me some bs story about having to stay overnight for work even though she was only an hour's drive from home. I called a friend who went to the hotel and seen them having a romantic dinner together and then they went to her bedroom. My friend actually did electrical work for the hotel and the receptionist let him see the register and my wife had checked in with her boss as man and wife. It amazes me how stupid she was. I threw her out, made a complaint to the company and both were sacked. I live in Ireland and divorce is relatively new, she got nothing from me, not a cent.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Andy1001 said:


> No,we’re good.Once I calmed down and started thinking rationally again I realized I still wanted her but I thought I had burned too many bridges.Then she discovered she was pregnant and I just took control,organized everything and after a few months of dating again we moved in together.There were some hiccups along the way,our first counseling session springs to mind,you couldn’t make up what happened but we are really happy now and we will get married at some stage.


What happened at the counseling session. Why don't you update your thread,did you and J get married yet. We all know it's only a matter of time.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> It gets better.While we were broke up my gf lost her business and was close to bankruptcy.My inner white knight showed up and I bought the business.When I walked into the studio the first morning to tell all the staff that they worked for me now the first thing I did was to fire three of the toxic *****es that had ruined my life.


*Yea, Andy! You are truly a good man!

May God continue in richly blessing both you and your impressive foresight!*


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Robbie1234 said:


> When I caught my ex wife cheating the first time we had young children and it wasn't possible to split up. I warned her I would not put up with it again. Ten years later she cheated with the same man,he was her boss. They had kept in touch all along and the stupid ***** thought I had forgotten about the first affair. She rang one night and told me some bs story about having to stay overnight for work even though she was only an hour's drive from home. I called a friend who went to the hotel and seen them having a romantic dinner together and then they went to her bedroom. My friend actually did electrical work for the hotel and the receptionist let him see the register and my wife had checked in with her boss as man and wife. It amazes me how stupid she was. I threw her out, made a complaint to the company and both were sacked. I live in Ireland and divorce is relatively new, she got nothing from me, not a cent.


*Robbie ~ you, as well as Andy, are truly my hero figures!*


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

My wife is clearly married. She is on a few boards and told me of one guy who was trying to play her. 

We were pulling out of a parking garage and who do we see walking to his car?

Stopped, got out and asked him nicely about the games he was playing. If he was a man and admitted them it would not have been a problem. He didn’t.

I held him against the car and made him apologize to my wife for disrespecting her while she was merely trying to help other people. He never showed up to any other meetings.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

NYCBILL said:


> I wish i would have seen this article a year ago.....My wife not only fell for the predator's charm, but i was completely duped by it. This other man and personal friend would always flirt with the wives in our circle of friends. It was dismissed as "just him being him" and it "meant nothing". However, nothing could have been further from the truth. Turns out he did in fact flirt with the other wives, but the ones who responded in a positive manner were marked in his mind as potential opportunities down the road. All of this happened via text. So he'd send sexual emoticons via text that he could either say were a joke, or if they were reciprocated he knew he could try to take it further. He then started texting my wife questions like "how do you know if you're with the right person, what would be it be like to be free, I miss making love" blah blah blah. My wife bit (her own issues) and they had a 2-3 month sextual affair (nothing physical and yes she's been poly'd). I had suspicions at various points during the affair but nothing concrete but the point is that I felt guilty for even thinking he'd do that to me. We'd been friends for over 10 years, vacationed together, etc. So despite a gut feeling, I thought there was no way he'd do that, much less her.
> 
> We're 6 months into a pretty positive reconciliation and I'm so aware of other men now it's insane...and so is she. She's working on boundary issues with her therapist as she claims her whole life has been about poor boundaries to some degree or another. When it came out to the entire group what had happened, not 1 wife said they were surprised about him being the culprit but all were shocked about her. Now a group of friends is destroyed and not one of them will ever talk to my wife again. Definitely for the best, but all husbands should be aware of this threat. it's everywhere.


Your story perfectly illustrates the partner predator threat. I'm happy for both of you that you survived it. Now you're both as vigilant as you always should have been which is good.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

FalCod said:


> This makes me feel bad. I have a lot of female friends. Not one of them has made inappropriate remarks or tried to touched me. Instead of driving a wedge between me and my wife, they all go on about how awesome she is and how lucky I am. I wonder if there is something wrong with me that makes women not want to hit on me.


Nothing wrong. You have some quality friends there. Be thankful.


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

JayDee7 said:


> There have been several for me and one for my wife that I know of. The one for my wife was her cousins husband and she told me he would hug her a little too close when we saw them so I kept an eye on him. He was too friendly. My wife is way better looking than his, and I could see he would check my wife out at family events. I called him out when he went in for a hug and really squeezed her against him I said “what the [email protected]@@ man, don’t hug my wife like that, don’t touch her ever again. I see you looking at her, you piece of [email protected]@@ with your wife here and your kids” he was embarrassed and my wife was as well, it was a thing, but it stopped.
> I had an assistant that got too close, we spent a lot of time together working and she was really good and helped a lot. She was ten years younger and very attractive. I took her to company lunches and dinners and drinks when I met with clients, since she had lots of contact with my clients, she needed to be in the know and help with business. It felt like we were on dates sometimes, even though it was business. It was weird. At times she would put her arm in mine when we stood or crossed a street or would get really physically close, all of which I’d handle and push her away softly. I felt we were a little too close, no flirting or romantic talk, lots of conversation and lots of looking into each other’s eyes and lots of inside jokes and she’d go out of her way to bring me coffee or food or bake things for me, she came in crying one day because she fought with her boyfriend and came into my office and shut the door and asked for a hug and I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. I felt it was too far for a work relationship, so I distanced myself until one day she and I were standing together looking at some papers and she took my hand and held it to her chest (not her boobs) and said she gets so turned on when we’re are alone because we have such great chemistry, she leaned in about half way and it looked to me like she wanted a kiss, it happened so fast I just pulled my hand away and turned the subject back to the work (I did not kiss her). Afterward I stopped giving her work and didn’t want to let her go because she had thrown her boyfriend out and was on her own. I had her moved into another department, one that didn’t have any males. I hired another assistant who was also young and attractive, they’re young and right out of school usually and males don’t apply and the pay isn’t good so older women don’t apply. This one was fine and normal for a long time until one night after drinks with clients she asked me to walk her to her car and I did since it was dark out and when we got to her car she put her arms around my shoulders and told me she was home alone because her parents were out of town and she invited me to her parents house for another drink, I laughed, this girl who lived with her parents, I told her I’d forget what she said but to never ever let it happen again, and she didn’t until she quit a few moths later. Her last day she came to my office and asked if I’d like to take her up on that drink, I said no thanks and she gave me her phone number and said to call her when I’m ready for that drink. It was awkward.
> Most men I know in my field and in my position have cheated. The opportunity is there and the temptation is there. I’ve been strong because I have a great wife.
> My wife works in a place that’s like 90% femal, 5% gay males, and 5% males, and those guys have nothing on me. I’m better looking and earn 5 times what they do, so I’m not worried and my wife is not the type. But you never know. Maybe a poor ugly guy might be so charming. I doubt it.


Lol, sounds like we're in the same industry, with those ratios! 

Will post my stories later.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My best friend is no longer my best friend. As his marriage has slid down the tubes because of his repeated infidelities, he has made no bones about wanting to sleep with my wife. At first we laughed about it, then he made a move, and she put him down totally, calling him a sexless fat ugly f**k, in front of his wife and a few other guests. We left, and as we walked out the door, her parting shot was: "Who in their right mind would let you put your paws on them?" As we left, his wife was screeching at him. I heard that he is shacking up with an old girlfriend now. Bet his wife will approach me to help untying their finances. I know that he did not put one dime into their house, and he did a few unsavoury things at his last job. His number is blocked on our phones. His email is blocked as well. He attempted to call a few times, but to no avail.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Robbie1234 said:


> What happened at the counseling session. Why don't you update your thread,did you and J get married yet. We all know it's only a matter of time.


When we got back together J was very worried about how quickly we had went from being happy,to me dumping her and canceling the wedding so she decided to book some couples counseling sessions.The place she booked was ran by a husband and wife team who met couples together.When I walked in I immediately recognized both of them,she was an ex **** buddy and we only stopped having sex when him and her became exclusive.He said hello straight away and then said it would be inappropriate to continue because they knew me.
As for updating my old thread,there are dozens of posts missing and it is hard to make sense of it.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

eric1 said:


> I held him against the car and made him apologize to my wife for disrespecting her while she was merely trying to help other people. He never showed up to any other meetings.


 You're a lot tougher than your avatar would lead one to believe, Tobias.
:2gunsfiring_v1:


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## Machjo (Feb 2, 2018)

VermiciousKnid said:


> I've actually had several of these over the years. On my end and my wife's end. Proper boundaries and awareness of the situation prevented disaster in our case. Those "just a friend"'s will get you every time.
> 
> 
> Is A 'Partner Predator' Circling Your Husband Or Wife?


I assume you mean a person who would pursue me after learning that I'm married. That hasn't happened to me yet. I had one stranger contact me through Skype and I have no idea how she found me. Thinking she might be a friend of the family, I accepted her friend request. We exchanged introductory texts until one day she asked me to send her an image of me (since I normally do not upload my image online). I responded that I'd have to ask my wife's permission to do that. That's how she found out I was married and never had any interest in me after that. Though her texts prior to that were innocent enough, the fact that she immediately lost interest the moment she found out I was married tells me she might have been hoping for something more. That said, my hat goes off to her for not pursuing me any further after learning I was married. Had she, I would have blocker her. Then again, seeing that we lived on either side of the Atlantic, I would have been pretty safe anyway.

I don't mind a person befriending me; but the moment that person should cross from that to flirting, I'd warn that person. If that person continued to pursue me, I'd cut all unnecessary contact and report it to a higher-up if we worked together. I wouldn't tolerate it myself.

One man tried to flirt with my wife once. I wasn't there, but she told me about it. She's usually polite; but he continued to push even after she informed him she was married and she shamed him in front of the others present for doing so.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

VermiciousKnid said:


> I've actually had several of these over the years. On my end and my wife's end. Proper boundaries and awareness of the situation prevented disaster in our case. Those "just a friend"'s will get you every time.
> 
> 
> Is A 'Partner Predator' Circling Your Husband Or Wife?


No. Mrs. Conan and I are, quite bluntly, so ruthlessly territorial that one of these pathetic "predators" would have to be less intelligent than celery to try.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Andy1001 said:


> When we got back together J was very worried about how quickly we had went from being happy,to me dumping her and canceling the wedding so she decided to book some couples counseling sessions.The place she booked was ran by a husband and wife team who met couples together.When I walked in I immediately recognized both of them,she was an ex **** buddy and we only stopped having sex when him and her became exclusive.He said hello straight away and then said it would be inappropriate to continue because they knew me.
> As for updating my old thread,there are dozens of posts missing and it is hard to make sense of it.


That is so very weird...:|:surprise:


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



ConanHub said:


> That is so very weird...:|:surprise:


I will tell you what’s weirder.Up until that day I hadn’t seen either of them in years,now I seem to meet her four or five times a week and she has joined the health studio I own.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Andy1001 said:


> ... she decided to book some couples counseling sessions.The place she booked was ran by a husband and wife team who met couples together.When I walked in I immediately recognized both of them,she was an ex **** buddy and we only stopped having sex when him and her became exclusive.He said hello straight away and then said it would be inappropriate to continue because they knew me.


That's hilarious -- and "inappropriate" is the understatement of the year.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Laurentium said:


> That's hilarious -- and "inappropriate" is the understatement of the year.


It might seem funny now but I almost had a heart attack when I walked into the office.When they got married she took his surname,I never really knew him and I certainly didn’t remember his name.
I remember thinking as we were leaving,what’s the ****in odds of this happening.


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## GoingCrazy01 (Jan 9, 2018)

Yes. A coworker of my husbands thought it would be ok to give him her number as a friend! Of course he starting messaging her. I was not impressed. Not sure if she wanted in his pants or not. He says she didn’t and she did have a boyfriend and knew he was married. But who knows. I put a stop to that as soon as I found out 2 weeks later. He listened and stopped texting with her. She didn’t seem to care either way from what I gathered and neither did he.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

The more or less constant partner predator is my brother in law who was especially a perv. towards my W when we were dating. Making inappropriate comments to her, giving her gifts, telling her about a dream of having a threesome with her and her sister and at one time grabbing her by the ****y.

My W does not want to tell her sister about all this, but as I only see him about 3 times a year it's almost Ok. 

Oh yea he went to tons of prostitutes during his marriage too, so it disgusting to think if he had actually ever succeeded, my SIL was not so lucky and has pre-cancerous cells in her throat.

Tamat


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Andy1001 said:


> I will tell you what’s weirder.Up until that day I hadn’t seen either of them in years,now I seem to meet her four or five times a week and she has joined the health studio I own.


Watch out Andy she's looking for second helpings.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Andy1001 said:


> It might seem funny now but I almost had a heart attack when I walked into the office.When they got married she took his surname,I never really knew him and I certainly didn’t remember his name.
> I remember thinking as we were leaving,what’s the ****in odds of this happening.


I know it wasn't funny back then but this is hilarious.Did your girlfriend suspect anything.


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## donesies (Feb 15, 2018)

JayDee7 said:


> There have been several for me and one for my wife that I know of. The one for my wife was her cousins husband and she told me he would hug her a little too close when we saw them so I kept an eye on him. He was too friendly. My wife is way better looking than his, and I could see he would check my wife out at family events. I called him out when he went in for a hug and really squeezed her against him I said “what the [email protected]@@ man, don’t hug my wife like that, don’t touch her ever again. I see you looking at her, you piece of [email protected]@@ with your wife here and your kids” he was embarrassed and my wife was as well, it was a thing, but it stopped.
> I had an assistant that got too close, we spent a lot of time together working and she was really good and helped a lot. She was ten years younger and very attractive. I took her to company lunches and dinners and drinks when I met with clients, since she had lots of contact with my clients, she needed to be in the know and help with business. It felt like we were on dates sometimes, even though it was business. It was weird. At times she would put her arm in mine when we stood or crossed a street or would get really physically close, all of which I’d handle and push her away softly. I felt we were a little too close, no flirting or romantic talk, lots of conversation and lots of looking into each other’s eyes and lots of inside jokes and she’d go out of her way to bring me coffee or food or bake things for me, she came in crying one day because she fought with her boyfriend and came into my office and shut the door and asked for a hug and I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. I felt it was too far for a work relationship, so I distanced myself until one day she and I were standing together looking at some papers and she took my hand and held it to her chest (not her boobs) and said she gets so turned on when we’re are alone because we have such great chemistry, she leaned in about half way and it looked to me like she wanted a kiss, it happened so fast I just pulled my hand away and turned the subject back to the work (I did not kiss her). Afterward I stopped giving her work and didn’t want to let her go because she had thrown her boyfriend out and was on her own. I had her moved into another department, one that didn’t have any males. I hired another assistant who was also young and attractive, they’re young and right out of school usually and males don’t apply and the pay isn’t good so older women don’t apply. This one was fine and normal for a long time until one night after drinks with clients she asked me to walk her to her car and I did since it was dark out and when we got to her car she put her arms around my shoulders and told me she was home alone because her parents were out of town and she invited me to her parents house for another drink, I laughed, this girl who lived with her parents, I told her I’d forget what she said but to never ever let it happen again, and she didn’t until she quit a few moths later. Her last day she came to my office and asked if I’d like to take her up on that drink, I said no thanks and she gave me her phone number and said to call her when I’m ready for that drink. It was awkward.
> Most men I know in my field and in my position have cheated. The opportunity is there and the temptation is there. I’ve been strong because I have a great wife.
> My wife works in a place that’s like 90% femal, 5% gay males, and 5% males, and those guys have nothing on me. I’m better looking and earn 5 times what they do, so I’m not worried and my wife is not the type. But you never know. Maybe a poor ugly guy might be so charming. I doubt it.


I just lost my wife to a fat, broke, married dude. Earns a 20th of what I do (literally). Just found out yesterday. Careful - logic plays no part it seems.


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Andy1001 said:


> It might seem funny now but I almost had a heart attack when I walked into the office.When they got married she took his surname,I never really knew him and I certainly didn’t remember his name.
> I remember thinking as we were leaving,what’s the ****in odds of this happening.


Have you had many more near misses lol.
On a serious note does J have any idea about your past, have you ever discussed it with her. She must really trust you with the amount of traveling you do.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

donesies said:


> I just lost my wife to a fat, broke, married dude. Earns a 20th of what I do (literally). Just found out yesterday. Careful - logic plays no part it seems.


I liked on this because of the truth of it.

Infidelity and logic are almost exclusively strangers.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

VermiciousKnid said:


> I've actually had several of these over the years. On my end and my wife's end. Proper boundaries and awareness of the situation prevented disaster in our case. *Those "just a friend"'s will get you every time.*


No, actually. My spouse and I have many "just friends" who haven't "gotten" anyone.

Sure it can happen, but negative generalizations are dangerous.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> It’s over eighteen months since I first posted on tam and I can’t believe how much my life has changed.Back then,without realizing it I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.I was engaged to my long term girlfriend,less than three months away from our wedding and it all went to ****.
> She owned a business,a health studio and some of her employees and friends were really taking advantage of her.Her friends were using her business free of charge and some of her employees were doing no work,sometimes not even coming in but getting well paid,she was also far to generous on nights out and she would often pay everyone’s tab.When the wedding started getting closer some of these girls were worried that the good times were coming to an end and unbelievably, they decided to try and split us up.They told her regularly that I had been seeing other women and also that she couldn’t compete with me financially or looks wise.They knew she couldn’t go out too much at night because she had a son from a previous relationship,she still lived with her parents who looked after her son during the day, so it was easy for them to send anonymous texts telling her I had been seen with another woman.I was oblivious to this and it was only when they tried to convince her to get a tattoo which was a deal breaker for me that I started fighting back.
> Then they changed tactics and they started texting and calling me offering to call over to my house for a chat or “anything else I would like”I never answered because by then I realized I was being played,I just didn’t realize who was playing me.They finally screwed up one night when my gf came over unexpectedly and while she was in my house she got a message saying I had just left a bar with a girl.She knew then that they were lying to her and accepted I wasn’t cheating.It was too late for me though,I dumped her and canceled the wedding.
> A few weeks later we found out she was pregnant but that’s another story.


I remember you and your thread. It was so bizarre, with so many twists, that I thought yours was a troll thread. Glad things have worked out for you and your GF.

Sometimes life is stranger than fiction.

Regarding predators, the OW who blew up my life is a predator. My H's phone records of the time during the EA in 2009 showed that she called him constantly: first thing in the morning, and late into the night. Most of his calls are returning her calls/voice mails. I had no idea, because I had no reason to suspect him. After two weeks, they were IL and she was planning their wedding. He dumped her and she got divorced. She chased several more men after that and finally landed an older man. Not sure if he knows what he married.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> I remember you and your thread. It was so bizarre, with so many twists, that I thought yours was a troll thread. Glad things have worked out for you and your GF.
> 
> Sometimes life is stranger than fiction.
> 
> Regarding predators, the OW who blew up my life is a predator. My H's phone records of the time during the EA in 2009 showed that she called him constantly: first thing in the morning, and late into the night. Most of his calls are returning her calls/voice mails. I had no idea, because I had no reason to suspect him. After two weeks, they were IL and she was planning their wedding. He dumped her and she got divorced. She chased several more men after that and finally landed an older man. Not sure if he knows what he married.


When I started the thread I was paranoid about being recognized and I dumbed down my replies and didn’t say where I lived.A lot of people thought I was British but this was mainly because I bought the IPad that I always use in London and the spelling and autocorrect was set for their grammar.I was recognized by three posters and they very kindly contacted me privately,not through tam and let me know I had unknowingly revealed something.They were people that I had lived beside when I was younger and I quickly edited the post in question and only one other person on tam knows me and he has promised not to reveal my identity.
I soon realized that if I wasn’t honest then how could I expect honest advice and I did get some great advice from some people and I will be forever grateful to them.
There were other factors contributing to my mindset at the time but I couldn’t mention them on tam,I realize now that I was very close to a nervous breakdown back then.I was fighting a huge legal case that I can’t even discuss because of the settlement agreement but suffice to say I won.The talk of the tattoo was a joke but it got out of hand and I almost lost the only person in the world that I had ever loved but we are good now and we have a baby.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I was recognized by three posters


The fact that 3 or more of your friends also post or read on TAM is surprising. That 3 friends not only recognized you by your posts but contacted you about it is more surprising.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> The fact that 3 or more of your friends also post or read on TAM is surprising. That 3 friends not only recognized you by your posts but contacted you about it is more surprising.


I didn’t say they were friends,I said they recognized me from something I had posted about.In my field I am fairly well known and I let something slip about my life that people who have worked with me would know.
To be honest I don’t really care at this stage,that period is behind me and it will never be repeated.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I didn’t say they were friends,I said they recognized me from something I had posted about.In my field I am fairly well known and I let something slip about my life that people who have worked with me would know.


Is TAM a place of online gathering or favorite reading at your former place of employment? How did so many people you worked with end up on the same forum?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> Is TAM a place of online gathering or favorite reading at your former place of employment? How did so many people you worked with end up on the same forum?


One person lived near me and he recognized a location that I had mentioned a couple of times,the other two were (still are) a couple and had posted jointly concerning an inlaw problem.None of these people post any more but they do lurk.The last guy still posts,he caught his wife having an affair with her boss.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

[QUOTE

Regarding predators, the OW who blew up my life is a predator. My H's phone records of the time during the EA in 2009 showed that she called him constantly: first thing in the morning, and late into the night. Most of his calls are returning her calls/voice mails. I had no idea, because I had no reason to suspect him. After two weeks, they were IL and she was planning their wedding. He dumped her and she got divorced. She chased several more men after that and finally landed an older man. Not sure if he knows what he married.[/QUOTE]

Were you married at the time and if so what did you do to get past this.It seems you are brushing over his actions while blaming her for the EA.She was ringing him but he was replying.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Regarding predators, the OW who blew up my life is a predator. My H's phone records of the time during the EA in 2009 showed that she called him constantly: first thing in the morning, and late into the night. Most of his calls are returning her calls/voice mails. I had no idea, because I had no reason to suspect him. After two weeks, they were IL and she was planning their wedding. He dumped her and she got divorced. She chased several more men after that and finally landed an older man. Not sure if he knows what he married.
> 
> Were you married at the time and if so what did you do to get past this.It seems you are brushing over his actions while blaming her for the EA.She was ringing him but he was replying.


No I didn't rug sweep it. He has paid dearly for what he did as I have had a very long and hard recovery and at times have been very hard on him. He answers all my questions and has made a lot of changes for the better. We went to MC for a year, he has read many books, he has reestablished very good boundaries, he is still reading books on how to be a better man, he is supportive of me, we are trying to move away from this area so I don't have to run into OW or her family.

My initial post was just to chime in that my husband's EA was with someone who was a predator. He wasn't her first or her last conquest. He wasn't looking to have a affair, although he was vulnerable at the time. She saw that and went for him with intensity. Yes, he called her back, and that is on him.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> No I didn't rug sweep it. He has paid dearly for what he did as I have had a very long and hard recovery and at times have been very hard on him. He answers all my questions and has made a lot of changes for the better. We went to MC for a year, he has read many books, he has reestablished very good boundaries, he is still reading books on how to be a better man, he is supportive of me, we are trying to move away from this area so I don't have to run into OW or her family.
> 
> My initial post was just to chime in that my husband's EA was with someone who was a predator. He wasn't her first or her last conquest. He wasn't looking to have a affair, although he was vulnerable at the time. She saw that and went for him with intensity. Yes, he called her back, and that is on him.


My apologies, I actually read your thread about meeting the OW at various activities you attend with your children. It’s a pity you have to move away because of her behavior.It proves what numerous posters on tam always say,that an affair doesn’t just hurt the people involved in it.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> My apologies, I actually read your thread about meeting the OW at various activities you attend with your children. It’s a pity you have to move away because of their behavior.It proves what numerous posters on tam always say,that an affair doesn’t just hurt the people involved in it.


Fixed that for you.

Yep, affairs hurt the children in many ways. So sad that two selfish people can have that much power over other innocent people's lives.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> Fixed that for you.
> 
> Yep, affairs hurt the children in many ways. So sad that two selfish people can have that much power over other innocent people's lives.


And there was me trying to be diplomatic.
Fail.....


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## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

I guess there's predator in the mist every all to often waiting to clamp, and stick their fangs when the time is righly so.

My wife has one whether she might or not know it he's dangerous she call him a friend. 

Pops his head up from time to time on facebook. I believe he's running from something, as he deactivates his account, uses an alias, and conceals his mug. Then for some years goes dark and pops back his slimy head.

I don't understand the allure actually dont care, and don't like it.

From what I know neither one has contacted each other but know his accout is back up.

We'll what happens next.

S1




Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Laurentium said:


> Yeah my thoughts exactly. Not to say that there aren't "predators" out there -- there are.


Absolutely correct about that. I have no doubt in my mind that POSOM was one. Just looking at how it all took place, it was very calculated.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Nope.

Both of us are very good at displaying rock solid integrity. Anybody who knows either of us, even just a little, knows there's not a chance in hell they could insert themselves into our marriage. Anybody who would do such a thing learns very quickly that to have any chance of success, they need to look elsewhere.


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## NatashaYurino (Jan 2, 2012)

JayDee7 said:


> There have been several for me and one for my wife that I know of. The one for my wife was her cousins husband and she told me he would hug her a little too close when we saw them so I kept an eye on him. He was too friendly. My wife is way better looking than his, and I could see he would check my wife out at family events. I called him out when he went in for a hug and really squeezed her against him I said “what the [email protected]@@ man, don’t hug my wife like that, don’t touch her ever again. I see you looking at her, you piece of [email protected]@@ with your wife here and your kids” he was embarrassed and my wife was as well, it was a thing, but it stopped.
> I had an assistant that got too close, we spent a lot of time together working and she was really good and helped a lot. She was ten years younger and very attractive. I took her to company lunches and dinners and drinks when I met with clients, since she had lots of contact with my clients, she needed to be in the know and help with business. It felt like we were on dates sometimes, even though it was business. It was weird. At times she would put her arm in mine when we stood or crossed a street or would get really physically close, all of which I’d handle and push her away softly. I felt we were a little too close, no flirting or romantic talk, lots of conversation and lots of looking into each other’s eyes and lots of inside jokes and she’d go out of her way to bring me coffee or food or bake things for me, she came in crying one day because she fought with her boyfriend and came into my office and shut the door and asked for a hug and I gave her a hug and she cried on my shoulder. I felt it was too far for a work relationship, so I distanced myself until one day she and I were standing together looking at some papers and she took my hand and held it to her chest (not her boobs) and said she gets so turned on when we’re are alone because we have such great chemistry, she leaned in about half way and it looked to me like she wanted a kiss, it happened so fast I just pulled my hand away and turned the subject back to the work (I did not kiss her). Afterward I stopped giving her work and didn’t want to let her go because she had thrown her boyfriend out and was on her own. I had her moved into another department, one that didn’t have any males. I hired another assistant who was also young and attractive, they’re young and right out of school usually and males don’t apply and the pay isn’t good so older women don’t apply. This one was fine and normal for a long time until one night after drinks with clients she asked me to walk her to her car and I did since it was dark out and when we got to her car she put her arms around my shoulders and told me she was home alone because her parents were out of town and she invited me to her parents house for another drink, I laughed, this girl who lived with her parents, I told her I’d forget what she said but to never ever let it happen again, and she didn’t until she quit a few moths later. Her last day she came to my office and asked if I’d like to take her up on that drink, I said no thanks and she gave me her phone number and said to call her when I’m ready for that drink. It was awkward.
> Most men I know in my field and in my position have cheated. The opportunity is there and the temptation is there. I’ve been strong because I have a great wife.
> My wife works in a place that’s like 90% femal, 5% gay males, and 5% males, and those guys have nothing on me. I’m better looking and earn 5 times what they do, so I’m not worried and my wife is not the type. But you never know. Maybe a poor ugly guy might be so charming. I doubt it.


Did you tell your wife about those women? Did you share with her what was happening like she did with you? Just curious.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



Andy1001 said:


> No,we’re good.Once I calmed down and started thinking rationally again I realized I still wanted her but I thought I had burned too many bridges.Then she discovered she was pregnant and I just took control,organized everything and after a few months of dating again we moved in together.There were some hiccups along the way,our first counseling session springs to mind,you couldn’t make up what happened but we are really happy now and we will get married at some stage.


Did you get a DNA test?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Is there a &quot;partner predator&quot; in your life?*



BruceBanner said:


> Did you get a DNA test?


Yes.


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