# here's a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down



## Lemons_ (Sep 10, 2013)

so basically I am considering divorce. {story} My husband cheated and I seriously dont want to try to work it out. its been 2 years, he cheated and lied, got a std test, maybe 11 months later I found out he was still contacting escorts I couldnt find money missing that time so I let it go when he said he didnt do something. So after that I went into roommate mode, didnt trust the ground he stood on. He tried to change it up and he was dating me, helpful and attentive, 2 months later it faded away. Im still not trying to be affectionate at all but we did have sex occasionally when i felts the relationship was slightly getting better. Got pregnant, sigh, spermicide doesnt work until 15 min after insertion, learned that the hard way. I'm upset because I didnt want to be adding to a broken marriage. He suggest I abort the baby if i really didnt want to be with him. Thats too extreme for me, even if i dont like you im not going to do that. But according to him me keeping the baby meant I wanted to be with him forever. While pregnant I realized that when he was caught I missed looking at one of the bank accounts. he refuses to let me see, I with hold all affection because there is a reason he wont let me see. He says no, there is nothing and I want to prove that I can go without sex plus you seeing the account doesnt promise me that you will stay. I made to decision that I dont want to go through another pregnancy again ever! So I got my tubes tied and before I made the decision he was saying he was willing to get a vasectomy but only if I stayed married to him because he really doesnt want to do it. I told him a vasectomy is a personal decision and he needs to ask himself if we divorce would you want more children? He said he might want more kids so I said well there is your vasectomy answer! Another excuse he gave was that he was willing to show me the account one day but I'm not giving him a reason because im not trying to work on the marriage. it all sounds like bulls**t to me im not happy and I dont feel like working on anything if its still secrets in the closet 2 years later. UGHHH!! thoughts?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm confused. Did you have the baby? If so, how old is the baby?

Why do you need his permission to see the account? Is your name not on the account?

Now you can stay in a marriage with a guy who cheats on your. If that's your choice, then own it and know what that his misery is your life. But right now you half out and half in and driving yourself nuts. And he seems to think it's funny and a game. He's continuing to mess with your head.

Why are you still with a cheater and a liar? This makes no sense. He's still lying and playing games. What will it take for you to truly take his cheating seriously and divorce him?


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## Lemons_ (Sep 10, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I'm confused. Did you have the baby? If so, how old is the baby?
> 
> Why do you need his permission to see the account? Is your name not on the account?
> 
> ...


 The baby is a few weeks old. No my name wasn't on that account. I am a SAHM and my family is across the country. I have asked him for a divorce and even printed out paperwork and started filling it out (he found it and threw it away). I didn't want to move out of state then he files for divorce before my children have lived in the new state for 6 months. I have been looking for work but haven't found anything worthy that can support myself .


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You have to leave him, you know that right? You can still set up separately and get financial support from him after the divorce. Get a free consultation with a lawyer to see the best way to go. Don't tell him what you are doing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You do not need his permission or cooperation to get a divorce.

What you do is that you file for divorce. He cannot stop it. When you file you ask for interim spousal support and child support. That will be in place until the divorce is final. 

How long have the two of you been married? The impression I get is less than 10 years. You can most likely get interim spousal support for about half the time you were married. This will give you a chance to get any training you need and a job.

You might be able to get the court to order him out of your home. He's in the military? He can go live on base.

When you hire a lawyer, ask the lawyer to petition the court to have your legal fees paid out of community assets.

You can subpoena the records for this account that he will not let you look at. so make sure you get the account number and routing number. If you cannot get that, then the subpoena can be for any account at that bank under his social security number.

I read in one of your old threads that there is a savings account. I suggest that you move all that money into an account in your name only. You would not be stealing it. Instead you are protecting it from him taking it all and wasting it on prostitutes.

You have a lot of power here and are not using it.

.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Good afternoon Lemon,

How are you coping today? (asking how you are doing would be a stupid question!). The military life can be both a nightmare and amazing experience for the spouses of their members. 

The services offer free legal advise, take it and use it select a qualified attorney that knows how to use this to your advantage. One hugh plus is that the military will not allow him to play games with spouses support or child support going forward. I have know women beggared by game playing spouses. It can take years of going though the court system to get money owed and despite ever court order in the world, including jail time, and not get a dime. Not so with any money coming from the government, ever. If you hear differently, the person had a bad lawyer who needs to be disbarred. When speaking to the military lawyer be sure to state you are suing on the grounds of adultery and provide only enough proof to prove it. It should help you get better advise. 

Some critical questions to ask the military lawyer: while he is active duty what can you expect in terms of spouse support, child support, medical coverage, retirement benefits. If he gets retirement in the future you are entitled to a share. Even if it takes another 15 years to qualify, you get part of it. This is gold, do not give up an inch. Be sure he explains is full detail every thing it provides. It is a hell of a lot more then money. 

The laws of the state you live will govern the terms of your divorce, period. 
There are some states that will punish an adulator financially, but not in terms of visitation. See trustee thread. (his wife and your husband are made for each other!) the military will only be able to provide info on what they can do to enforce the state law. Although there may be military justice that can into play, though I would have no knowledge of any.
Find and use both military and local support groups. I think right now all you is darkness, despair, I and pain. Let these groups help you find the light at the end of the tunnel. Daycare, doctors. Living arrangements, money, and the none stop pain have crippled you.


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