# Wife wants to move away to be closer to her children



## SoCalSucker (Apr 21, 2014)

My wife and I have been married for 7 months. Prior to our wedding, we had been together over 3 1/2 years, but in a long-distance relationship (living over 300 miles apart). Last summer her kids had destroyed her apartment, forcing her to move out, and leave her kids with her ex-husband (which is how she came to live with me). Now, she wants to move back to live near her kids. She wants me to cosign for an apartment to live with her kids, away from me.

I understand her desire to be near her kids. I feel every amount of sadness she does when she thinks about not being near her kids. I was in a very similar situation with my kids just a few years earlier.

My issue is with cosigning for an apartment. She has very poor credit, and her history has shown her bills can become much of a burden. With how destructive her kids are, there is a very great possibility that the new apartment will become destroyed, as well, forcing me to take the brunt of the bill.

I love this woman very much. I also worry that I'll never see her again, too. Ever since she moved in with me, we've become farther and farther apart, emotionally. She works an average of about 15 hours per week, and when she's home, she does nothing but spend time online. The home has never been filthier than it is now. She won't cook. She won't clean. I tell her that I love her. 

We also have other problems. I'm Catholic. She's atheist...although she wasn't until just a few months ago.

I feel that our marriage is over. I don't know even where to begin to make any mending possible.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Begin by not cosigning.

Not sure that will save you from the financial obligations, you might still be responsible for damages and unpaid rent if she defaults by virtue of the fact that you're married.

Marriage is a financial, business agreement.

Most people don't realize it until it's too late.

In your case it sounds like a bait and switch. I'll bet she was never Catholic and there's a lot of other things she told you just because it was what you wanted to hear.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

If she wants to leave, you can't stop her. File for divorce or better yet an annulment. Do NOT co-sign anything for her. A woman her age should have her financial house in order, clean & cook for herself, work more than 15 hours a week & not have children who destroy property.

I'm sorry, but I think you made a mistake in marrying her & you realize it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Don't consign. She sounds like a user who suckered you into marrying her for financial reasons. Go see a lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Let her leave. Don't even think for a moment about consigning.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Cmon man. Even your name says you know what is going on.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You cosign for the apartment, you own it when it comes to damages.

Time for a sit down. Let her know the reason she moved was because her kids destroyed her apartment so why should you shell out good money and have your credit rating destroyed because her kids can't behave.

Ask he to put the shoe on the other foot and see if she would do the same thing.

The Catholic vs the atheist has nothing to do with her bad parenting and being unable to control her kids. You should tell her that maybe she need little divine intervention.

Don't do it especially if your seeing that this marriage has a lot of ingredients for failure.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

SoCalSucker said:


> My wife and I have been married for 7 months. Prior to our wedding, we had been together over 3 1/2 years, but in a long-distance relationship (living over 300 miles apart). Last summer her kids had destroyed her apartment, forcing her to move out, and leave her kids with her ex-husband (which is how she came to live with me). Now, she wants to move back to live near her kids. She wants me to cosign for an apartment to live with her kids, away from me.
> 
> I understand her desire to be near her kids. I feel every amount of sadness she does when she thinks about not being near her kids. I was in a very similar situation with my kids just a few years earlier.
> 
> ...


Why did you marry her? From your post she brings little to nothing to the table. Let her go. Do not consign!


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Don't consign. She sounds like a user who suckered you into marrying her for financial reasons. Go see a lawyer.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

I think she's a moocher and is using the OP.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

SoCalSucker said:


> My wife and I have been married for 7 months. Prior to our wedding, we had been together over 3 1/2 years, but in a long-distance relationship (living over 300 miles apart).


HUGE mistake on your part.

Long distance relationship most likely = VERY Little time spent together.

How much time (in hours) did you actually spend with this woman before you married?



SoCalSucker said:


> Last summer her kids had destroyed her apartment, forcing her to move out, and leave her kids with her ex-husband (which is how she came to live with me). Now, she wants to move back to live near her kids. She wants me to cosign for an apartment to live with her kids, away from me.


So she moved with you when it was convenient for her to do so, NOT because she loves you/wants to be with you?



SoCalSucker said:


> I understand her desire to be near her kids. I feel every amount of sadness she does when she thinks about not being near her kids. I was in a very similar situation with my kids just a few years earlier.


You should be more concerned with her desire to NOT be with you!!!!



SoCalSucker said:


> My issue is with cosigning for an apartment. She has very poor credit, and her history has shown her bills can become much of a burden. With how destructive her kids are, there is a very great possibility that the new apartment will become destroyed, as well, forcing me to take the brunt of the bill.


HUGE red flag. HELL NO

Why in the world did you even marry this woman? You realize that even if you don't co sign she can ruin your credit completely? You CAN also be responsible for her debts!!!!

This is starting to sound awful now.....



SoCalSucker said:


> I love this woman very much. I also worry that I'll never see her again, too. Ever since she moved in with me, we've become farther and farther apart, emotionally. She works an average of about 15 hours per week, and when she's home, she does nothing but spend time online. The home has never been filthier than it is now. She won't cook. She won't clean. I tell her that I love her.


Your penis and heart tells you that you love her. But your brain is the part that does the thinking and brain should tell you that this woman is no good/sketchy at best.

You made a HUGE mistake of thinking with your penis/heart. This is what got you into this. Learn from it and make sure it NEVER happens again.

YOU allowed this to happen, remember.

ACTIONS speak louder than words. Anyone can say "I love you", it's the actions that confirm love. And frankly, her actions have NOT told me AT ALL that she loves you.

She moved with you because her apt was shot......not because she wanted to.

She hardly works, doesn't take care of ANYTHING.

Now she wants you to co sign?

Your User name is ON POINT. You are being used my friend!!!!

DO NOT put up or enable this women anymore. Remember, if it wasn't for people like you, people like your wife would not even exist!!!!

I always blame the enabler MORE than I do the one that does the deed. Sure the person using another is a worse scum, but again, without enabler they wouldn't be able to be one.



SoCalSucker said:


> We also have other problems. I'm Catholic. She's atheist...although she wasn't until just a few months ago.
> 
> I feel that our marriage is over. I don't know even where to begin to make any mending possible.


First I would start monitoring her online activities/phone and get as MUCH evidence as possible.

Then I would take it all to a lawyer and get a divorce.

That's EXACTLY what I would do. Chances are HIGH that this lady is playing games behind your back......

Good luck


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Only been married 7 months and she wants to move away?
Cut this one loose.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

All you are to her is a ATM with legs.Dump her.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

101Abn said:


> All you are to her is a ATM with legs.Dump her.



More graphically, it's a cash machine with a penis.


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## AloneInSoCal (Apr 23, 2014)

I am SoCalSucker's wife. I have been following this thread and viewing your responses. I probably would have responded the same way you all have, given the lack of information he has provided. I'd like to offer a few details he has left out.

Before I moved here, the plan was always for my husband to relocate to move to where I was living. We talked about various options. It just so happened that his company has a branch he could transfer to 18 miles from where I lived. I felt guilty asking him to give up his home, his church, his family and relocate, but he assured me that "I was worth it." Years went by, and it became clear to me that he was never going to relocate. So, I paid an attorney $3000 to get the courts permission to move my kids and myself to where he lives. My moving here was never a spur of the moment decision during a crisis, the fact that I came here alone was. 

Leaving my kids was the hardest thing I have ever done and I am heartbroken without them. My only consolation was that I got to see them every couple months for a week or two at a time because they were in year round school. I found out 3 days ago, they would no longer be attending year round school, cutting my visits down to a meager 3 times a year. This is why I was considering moving to be closer to them. They do have behavior issues and I think that my presence in their life is necessary, not just for myself, but for them as well, to help them grow up right. I feel that I made the right choice in letting them live with their dad, because things have improved, but I want to be an active part of their life much more often than 3 times a year.

Here's another tidbit he didn't include. My husband is a truck driver and often works 18 hour days, only to come home and sleep then turn around and work another 18 hours. We really only see each other on the weekends. My thought process was that I am here, alone, missing my kids growing up which is something I will NEVER get a second chance at again, so why not move back and continue to see my husband on the weekends just like we did for the three years prior to my moving here? 

I asked him if he would cosign because this was a scenario we had discussed before I moved here, when he was still planning on moving to where I was living. He had suggested buying a second home where I was and I thought that might be an option. It is true that I have issues with my credit, but he also didn't mention that before I moved here, I had been systematically paying off all of my debt and was down to just a few minor bills and some medical bills I accrued when I did not have health insurance. My credit score had improved by more than 40 points until I quit my job and moved here to start over. Before I moved here, I was working full time and making what I consider to be good money. I hope to be working as much here, eventually, as I had been.

This brings me to the money situation. A lot of you think I am in it for the money, which is untrue and I don't blame you for thinking that is the situation. I don't make a lot of money right now, but I handed over my very first paycheck to him to deposit into his account and since then, until my money has run out, I have paid for all of our food and entertainment expenses myself. I don't ask him for a lot. I am not a high maintenance wife and my self worth has taken a huge hit based on the drastic loss of income I have had. I have always been independent and I feel bad asking for anything. I would much rather provide for myself.

As far as his house is concerned, it is a mess and I could do more than I have been. He didn't mention that it has ALWAYS been a mess and is packed full of STUFF, that I have no idea what to do with. I didn't bring a lot here with me, but he hasn't even bothered, in the 9 months I have been living here, to even clear so much as one drawer for me to put my things in. I feel like I don't belong here. Every suggestion I make for improving the state of the house is immediately shot down. We can't even agree to get curtains because someday in the distant future, he wants to get all the windows replaced and feels that it would be a "waste" to get curtains until we do that. In the meantime, our neighbors can see in every window at night. There are NO curtains. So, although I could clean up more, I feel defeated even before I start because he refuses to get rid of anything, to make room for me, to allow me to feel like this is my home, too. 

The bottom line is I know my husband loves me and wants me to be happy, but it is only if I can be happy with keeping things the way he wants them. I love him, too, and I don't want to leave him, but I thought we were both adults and he'd understand that unlike him (his kids were moved across the country) I have the chance to be there for my own kids. There is only a small window of time where my kids will actually still WANT to spend time with me before they are teenagers and I was hoping to be a part of that time before it was too late. I no longer want him to cosign. If I did choose to move, I could do it on my own and pay all of my own bills, since I still have the same contacts and work opportunities I had when I was there before. It was never my intention to make him foot the bill. 

Also, I am not cheating on him, as some of you have theorized. 

I hope this adds some clarification and you see there is more than one side to every story. I am not perfect and I am more aware of my faults than anyone else, believe me. My husband isn't perfect either.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sounds like Sucker suckered us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Makes me wonder how many stories are posted on this forum and others like it that are so completely out of touch with the reality of the situation. 

Think of all the advice offered to posters based on reading only their own twisted version of the events. 

Seems like a big waste of time and effort.

There is one commonality in both stories that leaves me wondering. What sort of mother leaves her young children only to see them every few months?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Having the other side of the story makes a huge difference. 

Bottom line.... SoCal's wife: If he loves you, he would WANT you to be close to your children. And at this time in their life, they should be paramount in your life and you theirs. 

Is there a compromise? It sounds like there is. Could you live near the kids, and support yourself as you were anyway...and see your husband on weekends???? 

And SoCal: HELP her make that house HERS too! Why would you want someone in your life, and not make them feel welcome and wanted???? Shooting yourself in the foot. 

And SoCal's wife.... since he's gone all the time, take the initiative and just do what you want at the house. Quit asking.... you live there too!

Of course it's hard to tell what's what.... or whose side is real..... but the two involved ought to see each other's side now.


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## AloneInSoCal (Apr 23, 2014)

There is one commonality in both stories that leaves me wondering. What sort of mother leaves her young children only to see them every few months?[/QUOTE]

I left because my kids were convinced that life with their dad would be better. I regret it now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

AloneInSoCal said:


> I am SoCalSucker's wife. I have been following this thread and viewing your responses. I probably would have responded the same way you all have, given the lack of information he has provided. I'd like to offer a few details he has left out.


Glad you are here, hearing 2 sides of the story gives us better perspective and enables us to give better advice.



AloneInSoCal said:


> Before I moved here, the plan was always for my husband to relocate to move to where I was living. We talked about various options. It just so happened that his company has a branch he could transfer to 18 miles from where I lived. I felt guilty asking him to give up his home, his church, his family and relocate, but he assured me that "I was worth it." Years went by, and it became clear to me that he was never going to relocate. So, I paid an attorney $3000 to get the courts permission to move my kids and myself to where he lives. My moving here was never a spur of the moment decision during a crisis, the fact that I came here alone was.
> 
> Leaving my kids was the hardest thing I have ever done and I am heartbroken without them. My only consolation was that I got to see them every couple months for a week or two at a time because they were in year round school. I found out 3 days ago, they would no longer be attending year round school, cutting my visits down to a meager 3 times a year. This is why I was considering moving to be closer to them. They do have behavior issues and I think that my presence in their life is necessary, not just for myself, but for them as well, to help them grow up right. I feel that I made the right choice in letting them live with their dad, because things have improved, but I want to be an active part of their life much more often than 3 times a year.


Your children NEED YOU. I think you accept/realize this now, but seriously, how in the world do you leave your children behind in the first place.

That's rather deep concern IMO.




AloneInSoCal said:


> Here's another tidbit he didn't include. My husband is a truck driver and often works 18 hour days, only to come home and sleep then turn around and work another 18 hours. We really only see each other on the weekends. My thought process was that I am here, alone, missing my kids growing up which is something I will NEVER get a second chance at again, so why not move back and continue to see my husband on the weekends just like we did for the three years prior to my moving here?


Sounds good. But why did you move away from your kids in the first place....when you knew you would hardly see your husband anyways?



AloneInSoCal said:


> I asked him if he would cosign because this was a scenario we had discussed before I moved here, when he was still planning on moving to where I was living. He had suggested buying a second home where I was and I thought that might be an option. It is true that I have issues with my credit, but he also didn't mention that before I moved here, I had been systematically paying off all of my debt and was down to just a few minor bills and some medical bills I accrued when I did not have health insurance. My credit score had improved by more than 40 points until I quit my job and moved here to start over. Before I moved here, I was working full time and making what I consider to be good money. I hope to be working as much here, eventually, as I had been.


Great, so you are working hard to improve your credit. Don't count on him to cosign and get a loan yourself when you are ready.






AloneInSoCal said:


> This brings me to the money situation. A lot of you think I am in it for the money, which is untrue and I don't blame you for thinking that is the situation. I don't make a lot of money right now, but I handed over my very first paycheck to him to deposit into his account and since then, until my money has run out, I have paid for all of our food and entertainment expenses myself. I don't ask him for a lot. I am not a high maintenance wife and my self worth has taken a huge hit based on the drastic loss of income I have had. I have always been independent and I feel bad asking for anything. I would much rather provide for myself.


That's great. But you shouldn't be paying for his 50% either.......keep it at 50/50!



AloneInSoCal said:


> As far as his house is concerned, it is a mess and I could do more than I have been. He didn't mention that it has ALWAYS been a mess and is packed full of STUFF, that I have no idea what to do with. I didn't bring a lot here with me, but he hasn't even bothered, in the 9 months I have been living here, to even clear so much as one drawer for me to put my things in. I feel like I don't belong here. Every suggestion I make for improving the state of the house is immediately shot down. We can't even agree to get curtains because someday in the distant future, he wants to get all the windows replaced and feels that it would be a "waste" to get curtains until we do that. In the meantime, our neighbors can see in every window at night. There are NO curtains. So, although I could clean up more, I feel defeated even before I start because he refuses to get rid of anything, to make room for me, to allow me to feel like this is my home, too.


So you abandoned your kids for THIS?

:scratchhead:




AloneInSoCal said:


> The bottom line is I know my husband loves me and wants me to be happy, but it is only if I can be happy with keeping things the way he wants them. I love him, too, and I don't want to leave him, but I thought we were both adults and he'd understand that unlike him (his kids were moved across the country) I have the chance to be there for my own kids. There is only a small window of time where my kids will actually still WANT to spend time with me before they are teenagers and I was hoping to be a part of that time before it was too late. I no longer want him to cosign. If I did choose to move, I could do it on my own and pay all of my own bills, since I still have the same contacts and work opportunities I had when I was there before. It was never my intention to make him foot the bill.
> 
> Also, I am not cheating on him, as some of you have theorized.
> 
> I hope this adds some clarification and you see there is more than one side to every story. I am not perfect and I am more aware of my faults than anyone else, believe me. My husband isn't perfect either.


Thanks for your input, it helps a lot.

I think you should go back to your kids. For # of reasons. Obviously because they need you, you are their mother!!!

But also, simply because your husband is not willing to compromise within his household and it makes you miserable (naturally).

Marriage/relationships are all about compromise. How much is one person willing to give up for other.

Now it seems like you compromised WAY too much. Gave up your kids for this man? And in return, he won't even let you hang up stupid curtains to cover the embarrassment?

That's messed up. I would reconsider my marriage in your position.

Funny how things take a COMPLETE turn/360 when 2 sides of the stories kick in.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

SunnyT said:


> Having the other side of the story makes a huge difference.
> 
> Bottom line.... SoCal's wife: If he loves you, he would WANT you to be close to your children. And at this time in their life, they should be paramount in your life and you theirs.
> 
> ...


Great post Sunny


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## AloneInSoCal (Apr 23, 2014)

My kids resented me for divorcing their dad. A whole other story. I thought giving them more time with their father would help. I shouldn't have moved so far away, but I have always wanted to be with my husband. Now my husband feels betrayed that I posted here and is insisting that I leave this weekend. He doesn't want to change anything. He wants a divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

AloneInSoCal said:


> My kids resented me for divorcing their dad. A whole other story. I thought giving them more time with their father would help. I shouldn't have moved so far away, but I have always wanted to be with my husband. Now my husband feels betrayed that I posted here and is insisting that I leave this weekend. He doesn't want to change anything. He wants a divorce.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Based on your post, it sounds like you would be WAY better of without him.

You get 0 time with him, he has complete control of household and not able to compromise. None of these are good for ANY marriage, heck I wouldn't even call that a marriage.

Do you think you can go on like this forever? I sure wouldn't.

If your husband was reasonable he would've at LEAST considered everything that has been posted here (including your own post).

Sounds like your marriage is completely off balanced. You gave up your children for him and he does this? Ohh HELL no

Move back closer to your kids, take your husband up on his offer (it's better for you anyways).

Take time to heal (few months) and just clear your head. Spend as much time as you can with your children and work on being a better mother. That's your priority now.

In a year or 2, once you are over your current husband......start looking for someone special. Revisit your past and start a lessons learned log/review it on regular basis.

Remember, it doesn't matter what happened in the past. What matter is what happens in the future going forward.

Good luck


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

lenzi said:


> Makes me wonder how many stories are posted on this forum and others like it that are so completely out of touch with the reality of the situation.
> 
> Think of all the advice offered to posters based on reading only their own twisted version of the events.
> 
> ...


Had my ex wife not squandered everything of value that the idiotic court system rewarded her for cheating on me with several unemployed studs, she might well come to these boards and offer up an entirely different version of events in regards to our "blissful" union of twenty years + together.


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## Row Jimmy (Apr 15, 2013)

Mistakes do happen.... it seems like divorce would be a smart idea for both of you.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

AloneInSoCal said:


> My kids resented me for divorcing their dad. A whole other story. I thought giving them more time with their father would help.


You thought that since your kids resented you for divorcing their father, that you would move far away and only see them a few times a year and that would somehow help your relationship with them?

I'd like to know how and why you could possibly think that would happen.



AloneInSoCal said:


> Now my husband feels betrayed that I posted here and is insisting that I leave this weekend. He doesn't want to change anything. He wants a divorce


Why would he feel betrayed because you posted on the same relationship forum, and how can he go from saying how he loves you so much and will do anything to try to keep you from leaving, to "leave this weekend I want a divorce" simply because you posted here.


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## AloneInSoCal (Apr 23, 2014)

I was overwhelmed and afraid. It was a mistake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

AloneInSoCal said:


> I was overwhelmed and afraid. It was a mistake.


Well look on the bright side, your marriage may be in a hole but you now have a new opportunity to fix things with your children.

They're probably going to be very reluctant to move out of their dad's house and in with you since they probably feel abandoned by you moving away; and now it seems like you're only coming back because your marriage is failing.. but keep working at it and maybe they'll come around.


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## AloneInSoCal (Apr 23, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Well look on the bright side, your marriage may be in a hole but you now have a new opportunity to fix things with your children.
> 
> They're probably going to be very reluctant to move out of their dad's house and in with you since they probably feel abandoned by you moving away; and now it seems like you're only coming back because your marriage is failing.. but keep working at it and maybe they'll come around.


My relationship with my kids is still good. In fact, they are here with me now. I don't intend for them to move in with me, but I would like to be in the same city and see them more often. Go to school functions. I don't know if it is possible for me to move very soon, though. Certainly not by this weekend, as my husband insists. He says he won't read any of this and just wants me out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Uh-oh... Another "couples" thread with dueling stories from each partner. My radar just went way up. 

In the very first post from SoCal, he states he loves you very much and is afraid he will never see you again. He's gone from that, to throwing you out of the house and divorcing you, all in only a *two-page* thread?! 

That's warp speed around here. Most TAMers take 100+ pages just to get to the point where they even THINK they want out...


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

AloneInSoCal said:


> I don't know if it is possible for me to move very soon, though. Certainly not by this weekend, as my husband insists. He says he won't read any of this and just wants me out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He can't make you leave.

As I said he seems to be rather erratic with his mood swings. His first post is all about saving the marriage and now he's giving you the boot only because you posted on this forum.

I bet by tomorrow he'll be begging you to stay.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Uh-oh... Another "couples" thread with dueling stories from each partner. My radar just went way up.
> 
> In the very first post from SoCal, he states he loves you very much and is afraid he will never see you again. He's gone from that, to throwing you out of the house and divorcing you, all in only a *two-page* thread?!
> 
> That's warp speed around here. Most TAMers take 100+ pages just to get to the point where they even THINK they want out...


Hehe

This is my first thread like that since I joined. Thanks for the heads up!!!


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## AloneInSoCal (Apr 23, 2014)

I had already decided to stick things out here and find ways to see my kids more often. I do not want a divorce and I never did. He considered his post here "counseling" and that I breached his trust by weighing in. At this point, I see no way for me to be happy. I can't have both my husband and my kids. He has made it one or the other and chosen for me by kicking me out. Over a post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

AloneInSoCal said:


> I had already decided to stick things out here and find ways to see my kids more often. I do not want a divorce and I never did. He considered his post here "counseling" and that I breached his trust by weighing in. At this point, I see no way for me to be happy. I can't have both my husband and my kids. He has made it one or the other and chosen for me by kicking me out. Over a post.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So you "breached" trust and he didn't with his post?

And he is now forcing you to choose him or children? 

Sounds like an easy choice. Personally I don't take ultimatums like this lightly.

It seems like he is a very controlling person and wants you to have 0 control.

You can prolong it all you want, in the end, it won't turn out well. For both YOU and your CHILDREN.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

AloneInSoCal said:


> My kids resented me for divorcing their dad. A whole other story. I thought giving them more time with their father would help. I shouldn't have moved so far away, but I have always wanted to be with my husband. Now my husband feels betrayed that I posted here and is insisting that I leave this weekend. He doesn't want to change anything. He wants a divorce.


He's divorcing you because you said your side of the story?

Wow. Consider yourself having dodged a bullet.

I gotta ask, though, WHY did your kids have behavioral issues? WHY did they feel entitled to trash an apartment? Are you not the adult? Doesn't really sound like it.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Sounds to me like he knows he's losing her anyway so he's basically throwing a temper tantrum and finding excuses to cut the cord.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Sounds to me like he knows he's losing her anyway so he's basically throwing a temper tantrum and finding excuses to cut the cord.


Well, to her husbands defense. He does have a hard job and works hard. It's not easy to work that much and still have a relationship.

Any way he can maybe cut back a bit?

But on the entire house situation, he does need to loosen up a bit and compromise with her. 

You 2 are a unit OP/Wife. His house is your house. This whole control struggle has to end in order for your marriage to work well.

Just the nature of the beast.


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## AloneInSoCal (Apr 23, 2014)

turnera said:


> He's divorcing you because you said your side of the story?
> 
> Wow. Consider yourself having dodged a bullet.
> 
> I gotta ask, though, WHY did your kids have behavioral issues? WHY did they feel entitled to trash an apartment? Are you not the adult? Doesn't really sound like it.


I have two boys, very close in age. Before I moved, our therapist suggested my oldest son may have a mild form of Aspergers. My younger son is probably just mimicking his older brother. Their behavior problems have more to do with them not really fitting in. They are so smart, but can't really focus unless it is on something they are really interested in. My apartment was destroyed when my son accidentally set a fire taking apart an old radio. I was asleep. The damage was minimal and I am SO PROUD that my son ran for help immediately, but I was evicted after the incident.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ok, thanks for the explanation. But why would they be better off with the dad if that's all there is to it?


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## AloneInSoCal (Apr 23, 2014)

turnera said:


> Ok, thanks for the explanation. But why would they be better off with the dad if that's all there is to it?


My kids were convinced that life would be better with their dad. I was always the bad guy, making them follow rules and do homework. Their dad was Disneyland dad. No rules. No bed time. No homework. I was working full time and overwhelmed. I should have stuck it out, but I caved. Had a breakdown, really, after I was evicted. They call social services when there is a fire. I just...decided I couldn't handle it anymore. I understand that I failed my children when life got too hard. I will always regret that. And now I am failing my husband, too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I have to say that I've never seen kids improve when they go live with Disney Dads. Only get worse. And it's really hard to get them back. I guess if I were you, I'd move back to be near them no matter what happens with your H anyway. They need you, they need to know they come first with you.

And read up on Authoritative Parenting; you'll need it.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You are failing yourself. YOU have to figure out what you need to do to make YOUR LIFE positive. Of course we are focusing on the negatives.... its the nature of the forum. 

You have to pull yourself up.... show the kids a strong, healthy parent who loves them. The kids NEED you. They need at least one sane, good parent. YOU have to be that for them. Figure out how to get back to them on a more permanent basis. 

Take control of your life. You realize your mistake, now figure out how to fix it!


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

To the Wife:
Move back, get a job and a place Get counseling so you don't make such misguided, poor choices in the future.

And work to rebuild your relationship with your children.
You have a lot of work to do, to mend this AND
to help raise them. They need counseling to help with the abandonment issues you created in leaving them.

Be prepared for a lot of fence mending. If you were my parent I'd certainly feel abandoned, I would mistrust you and it would take quite a bit for you to prove to me that you actually really love me more than some man.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Unique Username said:


> Be prepared for a lot of fence mending. If you were my parent I'd certainly feel abandoned, I would mistrust you and it would take quite a bit for you to prove to me that you actually really love me more than some man.


MY DD23's best friend's mom got remarried when the friend (A) was about 10. He didn't like watching his new wife pay attention to the kid so he convinced her to ship the kid to South America to live with her grandparents. A got to move back when she was about 16, but it was never the same. She's made bad decision after bad decision. She's now living with a bipolar loser who's beat her AND his own mom...all because A believes she's unlovable and worthless. All because her mom abandoned her for a guy.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Unique Username said:


> To the Wife:
> Move back, get a job and a place Get counseling so you don't make such misguided, poor choices in the future.
> 
> And work to rebuild your relationship with your children.
> ...


:iagree:


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