# Need input - sorry, long post



## calli497 (Sep 27, 2010)

My husband and I are in our 50's; we've been married 12 years. We have 4 grown children between us. My husband's first wife passed away when his children were in grade school; he raised them on his own. My first husband and I divorced when my children were 1 and 3; they have had almost no interaction with their real father over the years. When my husband and I started our relationship about 14 years ago, my children quickly came to see him as their "father", and he has been very good to them.

My husband is a truly wonderful man. He is hardworking, kind, generous, intelligent, funny, and a loyal friend to so many people we know. He is the same with me: he cooks, cleans, does laundry, brings home flowers for no reason, leaves funny and romantic cards for me, and generally has made my life very easy for the last 14 years. In fact, my friends and family all tease me, saying he treats me too much like a "queen." 

My husband and I have a very satisfying sex life. We are both in good shape, and I think I can say that we are both very good looking for our age. (My husband did not have a sexually intimate relationship with anyone after his wife died until he met me; prior to that he only was intimate with a few girlfriends in his college years. I have been sexually active my entire adult life, having been intimate with many men over the years, right up until the time I met my current husband.) Of all the lovers I've had, my husband is by far the best. He is not only well endowed, he is extremely adept at satisfying me in every way possible. He is totally uninhibited when it comes to sex, and is willing to try anything to please me, which he does.

My problem is this: my husband has mentioned to me on many occasions that his fantasy is for me to reveal my body to other men, by "accident" or on purpose, or even for me to have other men fondle me or have sex with me while my husband watches. I've told him many times that I am totally turned off by the whole idea, but we keep returning to the subject. We were looking at porn online once where men were watching their wives have sex with someone else; I was totally turned off; my husband was very aroused. I've asked him how he would feel if I wanted him to have sex with another woman while I watched and his response is always "That's not my thing; but if it would turn you on and you'll be there, I'll do it." (This is not a ploy on his part, either. I have full access to all his financial information, email, and other things; I know he's really not interested in someone else.)

I've asked him about issues of jealousy, but I've learned he is the most non-jealous man I've ever met. He'll fight to the death to defend me and our children, but as long as I'm not threatened, it doesn't bother him one bit when other men flirt with me or chat me up at parties and such. He always says he feels very secure in our marriage, and that jealousy is a wasted emotion. Last year he discovered that I had had a one night stand with a guy I met about two years after we had been married. I was very sorry, and told him it had just been too much booze and all (the guy and I were on a business trip from different companies). Anyway, once my husband heard it all, he realized it had just been sex, that's all, and we talked about it and put it behind us. That's kind of what he brings up now about his fantasies, that they're just about sex, not about love. He says he doesn't want me to have sex with someone we know, but with like a stranger while we're on vacation. 

The same goes with photographs he wants to take of me naked. He's always asking if I'll let him take some, but I'm just not interested. It's not that I'm opposed to them. Over the years I've let quite a few other men take photos of me naked, but I'm just not into it anymore.

I guess I simply don't want to do it. My close girlfriends all think I'm crazy, and that I should go for it. They all call my husband the "perfect catch", and one has even said she'd trade husbands with me any day (her husband does not treat her that well, and he gets very jealous if she so much as says "hi" to another man).

Anyway, I don't want to lose the wonderful love in our marriage, but then I don't want to expose myself or have sex with other men just to please my husband. I've come to think it's very unfair of him to even bring the issue up, and have told him it's not a decision he can make. He agrees, but still says it's a fantasy that turns him on.

I've talked to a therapist, but she was not helpful. She didn't seem to be as shocked about my husband's fantasy as I am, but I guess she hears a lot of things.

So, I want to know what other people think. I really have no intention of participating in his fantasy, but how can I get him to give it up without him being disappointed or upset. 

Any ideas?

So,


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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

Don't know what other will say when they chime in but I'm against what he want you to do. Porn is porn, leave it there and let it be.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

calli, I can only give you food for thought, so you can make your decision.

What is so unpleasant about doing this? When you imagine yourself doing this, what pops in your head, what thoughts or feelings? Does it bring up memories of when you cheated on him, for which you feel guilty, and it's as if he is now watching you cheat, for example?

(For me, the thought of another man touching me or putting his peni$ in me is repulsive, why though? I've had so many men - maybe that is why?) For you, what is so uncomfortable about it? Explore your feelings, really think about the emotions it conjures up.

Are you repulsed with the thought, perhaps uncomfortable having him see you enjoy yourself with another man, ???


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## bvmama (Sep 27, 2010)

Calli,
Does your husband know you let other people take pictures of you? If so he may just be trying to recreate some experiences he thinks you may enjoy.
I can't tell you what to do, but exploring different things with your husband could turn out to be a wonderful experience.


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## calli497 (Sep 27, 2010)

BVmama - yes, he does know about me letting other men take photos of me in the past. He actually found some when we were moving stuff into storage a few years back. Not only was he not jealous, he actually claimed it turned him on. Some of them were very explicit - I've led a very active sexual life - and it didn't bother him at all. Like I said, I had nothing against other men taking photos like that; I'm just not into it anymore.

SaraAnn - we actually do talk about things quite a bit, and will continue. 

Thank you both for your thoughtful responses.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

calli497 said:


> Not only was he not jealous, he actually claimed it turned him on. Some of them were very explicit - I've led a very active sexual life - and it didn't bother him at all. Like I said, I had nothing against other men taking photos like that; I'm just not into it anymore.


 I can see not wanting to be with another man, I hope he can respect that. 

Do you feel a sexual side of yourself slowly dying? I see it mentioned a few times "I am just not into that anymore". Maybe that is something that attracted him to you in the beginning. Possible ? He is seriously not the normal husband to have such NON -jealous feelings. 

A long shot -- but maybe he feels like you are slipping in desire in other areas of sexual expression, and his aim in this new suggesting is to see you fall under the arousing spell of another man, feeling this might bring you back to how you used to be, some of that wildness. But you are fully happy & content with just him. While he still has these vivid wilder fantasies revolving in his head. 

Have you or him ever tried Swinging? Sounds like he desires a "swinging" wife, or so he thinks so. Sometimes living out these fantasies are NOT at all what we envisioned. Best to just keep them as fantasies if you can.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Cuckold, look it up. I have that fantasy of my wife with other men but just as a fantasy and there is no way I'm actually gonna let another man lay their hands on my wife. Well, not while I'm still breathing. Yes I'm a hypocrite!

But then I also have fantasies of my wife with other woman, multiple partners, gang bangs, swinging, etc...The only thing is that I know the line between fantasy and reality. And I've told her all of these fantasies already, she called me a pervert and said that I was sick.

BTW for cuckolds, I enjoy some of the stories these guys tell about their wives, but some of them just literally make me outright sick in what they're into.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> Cuckold, look it up. I have that fantasy of my wife with other men but just as a fantasy and there is no way I'm actually gonna let another man lay their hands on my wife. Well, not while I'm still breathing. Yes I'm a hypocrite!
> 
> But then I also have fantasies of my wife with other woman, multiple partners, gang bangs, swinging, etc...The only thing is that I know the line between fantasy and reality. And I've told her all of these fantasies already, she called me a pervert and said that I was sick.
> 
> BTW for cuckolds, I enjoy some of the stories these guys tell about their wives, but some of them just literally make me outright sick in what they're into.


You ARE a pervert!!! Who has this kind of fantasy? 
I do!!!
But fantasy is fantasy, it is way different from reality!!! As long as we all realize it and don't push our spouses to make it into reality, it is safe. I am glad you think like this!!!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Calli
Your husband can have whatever fantasy he wants to have in his mind, but pushing you into making it come true is wrong. 

My husband would love to see me with another woman. He wants me to fondle and lick another woman's puxxy. eeeeeeeeewwwwwww.................... You can imagine my expression on my face. I don't like it, he enjoys talking, so I let him have some fun in his mind. Sometimes I actually make up stories of me having sex with another woman just so I can get him hard fast.

My husband also suggested bringing another man to please me. He knows that I can handle two men without any problems. Do I like it? Maybe? Never tried! I would love to imagine me with two handsome men.....................

Do I want to play with fire??? NO NO NO NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO

I know a healthy marriage is about a man and a woman. If we try something unnatural, it may ruin the happiness we have. From your post, what you have with your husband is wonderful, does he want to ruin it? He may say it will be fine, nothing bad will happen. I just want to say that people are too confident of themselves. They don't see the danger! 

I suggest you let him have fun in his mind. Next time if he brings it up, just tell him you don't want anything bad to happen to ruin the wonderful life you have now. That's what I do. I tell my husband that I don't want to do anything silly to ruin what we have. He respects my opinion, even he himself cherishes what we have so much he is scared to lose it. He is scared when I tell him all the bad things might happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I let him THINK me having sex with another woman though.


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## tlk1968 (Sep 29, 2010)

As far as his fantasie of seeing you with another man, that is not uncommon. Many men have this fantasy, myself included. I don't think there is anything wrong with him. To follow through with the fantasy is something you will have to ask a lot of questions of yourself, as well as him. Will you like it? Can he not get jealous? It is definitely something the two you will need to sit down and discuss.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

it is a guy thing, dont expect the ladies to understand this coz they wont! i have the exact same fantasy as ur hubby and for sure he is not alone is having the same kinda fetish!

ur hubby is not asking u to cheat, and u can rest assure that he's not going to cheat too, cause he is just not intereseted in screwing others!

what he wants to see is for u to have a fulfilling sex life, with other men as a supplement from what ur currently having from him! he gets turned on seeing u fulfiling ur carnal desires!

like me, we get turned on easily with visuals of u engaging in wild sex, or even taking pics of u posing in sultry positions... we want the pics as it is like a trophey, or like how the hunters hang their kills on the wall...

bottom line, we want to see our wifes getting horny n wild! if ur willing to experiment, by all means go ahead, if not, just tell ur hubby ur not intersted and give the idea a kick


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