# exposing the OW



## trivi (Apr 20, 2016)

She's 49 and single with an adult daughter. He's 37. She knew about me and the kids. Very "free love" from what I can tell. And she's been coaching my husband on how to hide their (1 night of whatever happened + a week of talking/texting) affair from me. (Thankfully, he wasn't very good at the hiding.)

She's a massage therapist. How bad of an idea is it to expose her on yelp? Because people should know that **** before they let her put her hands on them or their loved ones.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Does she have to be licensed? If so exposure to the licencing authority would be worthwhile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trivi (Apr 20, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Does she have to be licensed? If so exposure to the licencing authority would be worthwhile.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, he wasn't a client of hers or anything. They met at a bar.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Bad idea to expose her on yelp. You will just look like a crazy woman. 

More to the point, have you exposed to your husband's family and friends?

Are you looking to end the affair by exposure or just wanting revenge?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

You need to expose. Your first post modified to read "My husband recently meant a single 49 year woman.....". At this point because there is only "one night of whatever" and her coaching on how to hide it you might want to limit exposure to parents and his family. This link provides the best explaination of why Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon - Marriage Builders® Forums. 

You should also create a plan on what happens if you do divorce right now. If this does go south the turmoil you feel right now is nothing compared to what is ahead. The only thing that will help in that case is using a plan all ready in place.


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## trivi (Apr 20, 2016)

Revenge. I was just exhausted and fantasizing at 2am. I don't think I'd really do that. 

I haven't exposed anything to anyone, except my best friend. This is so new. I haven't even thought of how that works. I'm supposed to call his family or something? Do I really want to do that? Isn't he just going to tell them how awful and crazy I am and how I drove him away or something? And won't it make the split messier, assuming this really is the end? I want to help this thing be as amiable as possible. For the kids. I dont want shrapnel.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Oh snap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Expose away. But an older woman like that will be shameless to get the attention of a man 12 years younger, being exposed as a home wrecker probably won't phase her. 

If things were okay at home and in the bedroom but this POS still fell for a masseuse's moves despite the huge age gap, then he deserves to be kicked to the curb. What a way to treat the mother of his kids. They're going to be disgusted with the way he's treating their mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

trivi said:


> Revenge. I was just exhausted and fantasizing at 2am. I don't think I'd really do that.
> 
> I haven't exposed anything to anyone, except my best friend. This is so new. I haven't even thought of how that works. I'm supposed to call his family or something? Do I really want to do that? Isn't he just going to tell them how awful and crazy I am and how I drove him away or something? And won't it make the split messier, assuming this really is the end? I want to help this thing be as amiable as possible. For the kids. I dont want shrapnel.


I would save exposure as a card for divorce. The threat of exposing should never,ever be explicitly made,as you run into extortion issues. But,the suggestion that exposure will happen unless you obtain favorable terms can be communicated in oblique,non memorialized ways by a decent attorney such that you may get concessions.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Maxo said:


> I would save exposure as a card for divorce. The threat of exposing should never,ever be explicitly made,as you run into extortion issues. But,the suggestion that exposure will happen unless you obtain favorable terms can be communicated in oblique,non memorialized ways by a decent attorney such that you may get concessions.


If you are planning to divorce, this would be the best way to maximize the potential return of what happened.

Just remember that almost all states are no fault, so adultery will have very little impact on the divorce in the eyes of the court. But in order for your husband to potentially save face, he may make concessions he would not have otherwise considered.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

C3156 said:


> If you are planning to divorce, this would be the best way to maximize the potential return of what happened.
> 
> Just remember that almost all states are no fault, so adultery will have very little impact on the divorce in the eyes of the court. But in order for your husband to potentially save face, he may make concessions he would not have otherwise considered.


Yes,I have seen it used effectively in no fault states for this very reason.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

jsmart said:


> Expose away. But an older woman like that will be shameless to get the attention of a man 12 years younger, being exposed as a home wrecker probably won't phase her.
> 
> If things were okay at home and in the bedroom but this POS still fell for a masseuse's moves despite the huge age gap, then he deserves to be kicked to the curb. What a way to treat the mother of his kids. They're going to be disgusted with the way he's treating their mother.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*I agree! She's shameless in that she's wearing her "robbing the cradle" act around like showing off a prized trophy!

The downside of getting into a pi$$ing contest with the old skank is that she could well post up stuff about your dark side that your sympathetic husband feeds her about you!

IMHO, I think that exposing to your and his family and friends is sufficient enough!

On another precautionary note, get yourself checked out for the presence of STD's! In fact, you may want to have that done immediately after consulting with a good piranha family attorney to assess the legal rights of you and your children!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Also, demand your H get STD tested. You know, since he gave you one before and lied about it.

It might help, trivi, if you link the folks here to your original thread.


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## trivi (Apr 20, 2016)

jsmart said:


> Expose away. But an older woman like that will be shameless to get the attention of a man 12 years younger, being exposed as a home wrecker probably won't phase her.
> 
> If things were okay at home and in the bedroom but this POS still fell for a masseuse's moves despite the huge age gap, then he deserves to be kicked to the curb. What a way to treat the mother of his kids. They're going to be disgusted with the way he's treating their mother.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Things weren't ok otherwise. We've been swimming upstream for years.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/#/forumsite/20516/topics/329793?page=1


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

That link is to the wrong page.

Here is the link to the main thread from OP.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/329793-advice-looked-texts-cant-unsee.html


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Exposing on Yelp if it is not client related doesn’t seem right to me. If this happened while in her office and being seen as a client I think would be a different story. 

Expose to family and friends, sure. Expose to her husband or boyfriend if there is one, sure. Or as some suggested, keep it as a card to play during divorce.

My OM sells cell phones, his infidelity has nothing to do with someone buying an iphone 6. My H’s OW is a retail sales manager. Her infidelity has nothing to do with selling clothes. 

I get that you want to smear her reputation. I had great desire to smear the reputation of my husbands ex gf and my OM. I could get my OM in probably serious legal trouble. But their reputation as a person and as an employee don’t meet in the middle IMO.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

jsmart said:


> If things were okay at home and in the bedroom but this POS still fell for a masseuse's moves despite the huge age gap, then he deserves to be kicked to the curb. [/i][/size]


What? So, it's okay for a man to have an affair if things aren't going well at home or in the bedroom?

OP, it doesn't matter if the marriage hasn't been going well, a spouse shouldn't have an affair.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my Lady.

You need to Expose both of them to family and close friends. 

Is your Husband remorseful ?
Did he apologized to you ? 
Did he arrange Marriage counseling and Individual counseling for himself ? 
Did he get tested for STDs ?

Dont listen to him when he starts blaming you for Affair,cheaters always do that. 

Stay strong.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

This is a must read for dealing with your husbands response What is DARVO?

This is an excellent guide to handle him (even though he may not be a nacsissit. http://narcissistsupport.com/going-gray-rock/


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

trivi said:


> Well, he wasn't a client of hers or anything. They met at a bar.


I would still report her any way
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LosingHim said:


> Exposing on Yelp if it is not client related doesn’t seem right to me. If this happened while in her office and being seen as a client I think would be a different story.
> 
> Expose to family and friends, sure. Expose to her husband or boyfriend if there is one, sure. Or as some suggested, keep it as a card to play during divorce.
> 
> ...


"Smear her reputation?" WHAT reputation? Her reputation as a person who had probably broken up a number of marriages?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Crap! I didn't know about Exposure 101. I didn't do it right, but also I did it in anger and revenge. 

But If I did exposure 101 back in December, I would have had a much higher chance of repairing my marriage.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Yep @trivi. I can understand why you want to expose her on Yelp. 

I know someone working at Yelp so I will ask whether there are any legal implications for you doing that & get back to you. I don't know if they have moderators but it mightn't even get published. 

However , I have a better idea. 

Go on there & say you had the worse massage you ever had and make up some things. I'm sure you can think of some. 
Then, get all your friends to do the same. That would probably be more effective too. 

These cheaters - ugh! Being a massage therapist would be an ideal job for one I guess. 

Expose her far and wide elsewhere as all the other posters are saying. 

Hope WS is doing all he should be doing.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> "Smear her reputation?" WHAT reputation? Her reputation as a person who had probably broken up a number of marriages?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I said personal reputation vs professional reputation. I understand wanting to smear it all, but the two don't meet in my own opinion if the affair didn't happen where she was working or a result of meeting at the salon she works at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

She has to be licensed through the state to work at a salon. Those licenses are published online and public at the state's website. There are rules she must follow to receive a license from the state. Those are open to the public. 

I don't advocate lying about what she did or has done to hurt her business. I do think it is wise to check those laws/rules and make certain she has followed them all to the letter. If one of them is broken, her license will be in jeopardy. 

There are many women who use the guise of massage for prostitution. I'm not saying she is. It would not be difficult to accomplish, even at a salon. Then, even the salon's license can come under scrutiny.

Also, if it's going on in the massage room at the salon, it may well be goin on in the tanning rooms, if there are any. It's been known to happen with clients and their chaperones, and even clients and salon owners/managers/employees. 

That's quite a lot of work and may or may not be worth it.


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## Emmi (Dec 11, 2015)

A totally legitimate fantasy if you ask me. I wouldn't make things up or lie as that would be considered slander, but if you truly wanted to expose her as a home wrecker that would be in your right to do.

If you wanted to just make her really uncomfortable, and could tolerate to be in the same room as her, you could book a massage from her. Either she would refuse, and you would totally be able to give a bad review, or you could just use it as punishment to have her serve at your pleasure.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Do a spot check and see if she is on rubmaps < I know about that from our local news


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

Expose away! Who cares what your motivation is. Why do ppl
Even care about that?


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