# ASexuality in Marriage



## MaskedRacer (Jul 21, 2020)

I am dealing with this now. No relations with wife in over 4 years now. Now I know why, she recently told me that she has become "ASexual". Of all the sexual orientation changes you can have it has to be THAT one...gheesh. 

She has said that I am ok to pursue annulling the marriage because of this. What do you think if your wife/husband became ASexual. Has this happened to you perhaps? 

On my end. I just pretty much masturbate all the time now (secretly too as she is repulsed by masturbation..that was from the very start of the marriage too). Not really what I had in mind when getting married to be honest. 

One tip I have for you guys who might be single or engaged. From my experience that I have had. I do think no sex before marriage is right and beneficial. But you DO NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT before marriage and to great detail too. You need to find out what your preferences and fetishes are. We never even spoke about sex before we got married.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Would she be asexual if Zack Efron or Adam Levine started schmoozing her? 

Usually these cases of supposed asexuality turn out to actually be "asexual for you." Countless husbands have been shocked to the core to find out that their 'asexual' wife that they did not believe had a sexual cell in her body was actually very sexual and having lots of wild monkey sex with someone else. 

I think in a way you set yourself up for sexual failure long before you married in that sexuality was not a part of your relationship dynamic from the get-go. If you never had any kind of sexual interaction and no mention of sexuality before marriage, then what makes you think you were going to have a sexually charged relationship after marriage. 

You also shot yourself in the foot by going 3 years and 364 days with no sexuality and accepting it. If you are going to go four years with no marital sexuality, then it obviously isn't high on your list of things to do either. 

She's came right out and said you can pack it up and walk away; I suggest you do so. The chances of you turning this around and having it become an even remotely sexual relationship is about the same as getting hit by a meteor (something that is technically possible, but so infinitesimaly small there is no reason to worry about it) 

I assume you were both raised up in very strict and sex-negative religious environments and were raised thinking sexuality was bad and neither of you have learned how to related to the other sexually and have no idea how to arouse the other's interests. 

My suggesting is to take her offer and annull/divorce and walk away and then get yourself into some kind of therapy to come to terms with your own sexuality and learn deprogram your previous sex-negative religious programming and learn about female sexuality and what it takes to stimulate attraction and desire in women. 

Once you can accept and embrace your own sexuality and learn more about female desire and sexual response, then you may be able to move forward in finding someone that can attracted to you and be able to have a somewhat sexually interactive relationship.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I just saw your other thread about your 'wife' wanting a 3rd child and then turning off the sexual spigot forever. 

Are you crazy? 

Why are you so weak and desperate that you would even discuss or consider this?

I am going to double down on my previous suggestion of getting into therapy. You need to peel back the layers to find out why you have such low self esteem and have been so emasculated that you would even discuss or consider such an arrangement. 

Why has your spirit been broken so bad that you would consider not only being with someone that disrespects and has so little esteem for you but that you would even consider having another child with her knowing that would be the last act of sexuality you would ever have? 

You need some serious help my friend :-(


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Not asexual (quite), but my ex rarely wanted sex. In large part, that's why she's an ex. Unless you're_ both_ okay with this lack of sex, divorce her. And tell her you've become single again and will be dating soon wit lots of sex.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MaskedRacer said:


> One tip I have for you guys who might be single or engaged. From my experience that I have had. I do think no sex before marriage is right and beneficial.


Did you just say this with a straight face?



> But you DO NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT before marriage and to great detail too. You need to find out what your preferences and fetishes are. We never even spoke about sex before we got married.


Something you cannot do until you actually, you know, have sex and understand something about what your preferences and fetishes are.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

I am amazed at the men on here who just accept it when their wife decides that there will be no sex in the marriage. Neither party should be the sole decision maker on something that affects both. If it were me, I would take her up on her offer to end the marriage. In the meantime, I would start preparing to be single again by dropping weight if needed, hitting the gym to get into shape and start dressing better. If she asks about it, I would tell her that I am getting ready to be single again. I would also stop doing anything at all to meet her needs. I mean I wouldn't lift a finger to help her. She's not meeting her husband's needs so why should any of hers be met. And since she is repulsed by masturbation, I would bring it out into the open. I would do it while lying in bed next to her and I would do it while sitting on the couch watching TV. If she complains, I would tell her it's her fault for not providing for my sexual needs and it's my house so I will do what I want, where I want. But hey, that's just me. But before I did any of this, I would go find her purse and get my balls back.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diceplayer said:


> I am amazed at the men on here who just accept it when their wife decides that there will be no sex in the marriage.
> 
> Neither party should be the sole decision maker on something that affects both.


I don't know if the OP will ever be back, but I suspect that he was raised in a very strict and rigid religious environment. 

One of the constructs of marriage that has caused the most pain and anguish for both men and women is the concept of "..'till death do us part." 

Countless people have subjected themselves to abuse and neglect and loveless existence and even outright cruelty and even murder because they were raised to believe that once they said, "I do" that there was no way out.....ever. 

The only other place where we have lifetime obligation without recourse is a life without parole prison sentence for murder. 

Now I am not suggesting that people should rush off to divorce court because their partner squeezes the tube of toothpaste from the wrong end or puts the roll of toilet paper on backwards. 

But there are countless people enduring horrendous treatment and despair because they simply will not recognize that in a free country all you have to do is pay the court costs and split up the assets and come to a child care arrangement and you can be on your way. 

Yes, it is sad. Yes, it is disruptive for a while. Yes, you ex spouse may be angry and resentful and may even become revengeful for awhile and yes, you may experience a change in your lifestyle for awhile. 

But that option is still there and that choice is still there. 

As far as I am concerned, people that have drank the Kool Aid and believe there is no way out, are only setting themselves up for abuse, neglect, mistreatment and despair. 

I know my wife could walk away at any moment if I screw up there for I mind my P's and Q's and treat her well. 

She knows that if she doesn't put in good faith effort to meet my needs and treat me with basic dignity and respect that I have no qualms discussing a divorce agreement and going my own way, so she doesn't treat me like some roach underfoot when the light comes on. 

Divorce is good. 

I keeps honest people on their toes and behaving appropriately when they want to be together. And it gives people a viable means of taking care of their own best interests when their partner isn't playing fairly.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Reminds me of those stories from guys about how their wife never wanted sex, was low drive, never talked about it, wasn’t interested, no oral, no doggy style ..... on and on and on about how she isn’t a sexual person.....

And then accidentally finds a video of her doing a threesome while away on that business trip.

Dude ..... she isn’t asexual. She just doesn’t want sex with you and she isn’t the cheating kind so that genie stays in the bottle.

I read your other thread .... who cares what she is. Dump the crazy loon ... genie bottle and all.

Jeez man .... grow a pair


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Tell her you are HIGHLY SEXUAL and she no longer qualifies to be with you!

File for a divorce and find a woman that meets your needs!

Pick well though!


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## MaskedRacer (Jul 21, 2020)

I'm the OP. I am here. And the answer to your first sentence is for the most part yes. But for my wife I could tell it was 10 times worse. She has gone through a lot. Grew up very poor with a mom who clearly favored another sibling over her. So I could tell the stress built up over time. To her credit she has told me that if I can annul the marriage then do so and she is not asking for any split in assets or alimony either! So its something I'll ponder on for the rest of the year. Cause she flat out told me she does not want sex and prefers just to have deep meaningful conversations. Mental stimulation is what she seems to be seeking. I learned that from the year upon year of her asking me a million different meaningless "What if...." questions. 

Funny side note her "celebrity crush" is the social/political commentator Douglas Murray. She said she is 'intellectually' turned on by listening to him. She said she would marry him because he is gay and knows for sure they would never touch each other and just talk and talk and talk about issues of society, life and death all day long. 




oldshirt said:


> I don't know if the OP will ever be back, but I suspect that he was raised in a very strict and rigid religious environment.
> 
> One of the constructs of marriage that has caused the most pain and anguish for both men and women is the concept of "..'till death do us part."
> 
> ...


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

MaskedRacer said:


> I'm the OP. I am here. And the answer to your first sentence is for the most part yes. But for my wife I could tell it was 10 times worse. She has gone through a lot. Grew up very poor with a mom who clearly favored another sibling over her. So I could tell the stress built up over time. To her credit she has told me that if I can annul the marriage then do so and she is not asking for any split in assets or alimony either! So its something I'll ponder on for the rest of the year. Cause she flat out told me she does not want sex and prefers just to have deep meaningful conversations. Mental stimulation is what she seems to be seeking. I learned that from the year upon year of her asking me a million different meaningless "What if...." questions.
> 
> Funny side note her "celebrity crush" is the social/political commentator Douglas Murray. She said she is 'intellectually' turned on by listening to him. She said she would marry him because he is gay and knows for sure they would never touch each other and just talk and talk and talk about issues of society, life and death all day long.


Offering something that is not possible is not an actual offer - it is Bovine Excrement. 

You have been legally married for years and have children together living as a nuclear family so your chances of an annulment are basically nonexistent.

File for actual divorce and ask for every thing and see how she reacts.

Your reply here is basically all fluff and deflection as well. Who cares what gay commentator she likes.

That is like talking about the grass needing rain while the house burns down. You are in some deep doo doo 💩 here and it’s time to pull your head out of your backside and man the F up. 

Your wife doesn’t love, respect or desire you but yet she wants you pay for another mouth to feed and change more diapers and more sleepless nights and another college tuition to pay and yet she tells you to your face that your sex life with her is over. 

Yet you talk about her mommy issues and what gay talking head she likes. This is why you haven’t had sex in 4 years and why you likely won’t for the next 40. 

If you are a 14 year old in your mom’s basement, get off the grown ups marriage forum and get back to your video games. 

But if you are for real and an actual adult man who’s wife just told you to bring another life into the world and say good bye to your sex life, then pull your head out and straighten up and start taking some responsibility for your life.


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## dcslimjim (Jul 23, 2020)

people have different sexual desires and needs, but i think some level of intimacy and sex is vital for a relationship.


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## Kali2222 (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I don't know if the OP will ever be back, but I suspect that he was raised in a very strict and rigid religious environment.
> 
> One of the constructs of marriage that has caused the most pain and anguish for both men and women is the concept of "..'till death do us part."
> 
> ...


I think this is accurate. If you've been raised in conservative backgrounds, a lot of ideals, but it never occurred to me to think of it as a life sentence like murder 😁


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Kali2222 said:


> I think this is accurate. If you've been raised in conservative backgrounds, a lot of ideals, but it never occurred to me to think of it as a life sentence like murder 😁


Third zombie thread you have posted to today.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Is it possible she has some sexual abuse in her past? I'm probably grasping at straws. Marriage is a contract, it's an agreement that two people make between themselves. Changing the terms unilaterally without discussion or consideration of the other person's needs is breaking that contract. If you don't like the word "contract," substitute it with "promise." 

If she wants no more sex, then fine, it's her body and her right. But it's YOUR body and YOUR right to have your needs met. By cutting off sex without discussion, she is the one breaking the vow, not you. I think it's dishonest to cheat, and besides, you shouldn't have to sneak around. Just divorce. She has made her choice, now you make yours. Life is too short to be so miserable and you've already lost a lot of time.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

MaskedRacer said:


> I am dealing with this now. No relations with wife in over 4 years now. Now I know why, she recently told me that she has become "ASexual". Of all the sexual orientation changes you can have it has to be THAT one...gheesh.
> 
> She has said that I am ok to pursue annulling the marriage because of this. What do you think if your wife/husband became ASexual. Has this happened to you perhaps?
> 
> ...


It really doesn't matter the reasons. The purpose of marriage is to share a life with somebody who shares your values. If her desired of sexuality is incompatible and not fixable with your own, there is no marriage. 

You will be doing both of you a service by permitting both spouses to find somebody compatible with their desires by moving onto somebody else.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Zombie. Closed. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)




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