# Is this the way its suppose to be??



## perri008 (May 30, 2009)

I guess I just need to vent out.. Put how do you know that your marriage is working???
I have been married for 8 months... and honestly they are days like today which I am not sure why I got married.. dont get me wrong, there are other days when I am happy.. but not today..
i just want to know is this is what is suppose to be?? 
I have this picture perfect in my head of what marriage is.. having a best friend.. coming back to work and having someone to talk to about your day.. but on days like to day.. I dont seem to have it..

is it normal to feel that way?? to feel thats is not working?? to feel that maybe there is someone else out there with whom you would get along even better???


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

perri008 said:


> I guess I just need to vent out.. Put how do you know that your marriage is working???
> I have been married for 8 months... and honestly they are days like today which I am not sure why I got married.. dont get me wrong, there are other days when I am happy.. but not today..
> i just want to know is this is what is suppose to be??
> I have this picture perfect in my head of what marriage is.. having a best friend.. coming back to work and having someone to talk to about your day.. but on days like to day.. I dont seem to have it..
> ...



People marry for all kinds of reasons. The reasons can be good or bad. If you married expecting happiness your one of the millions of people who have very unrealisitic expectations about marriage.
happiness comes from within, not from anything outside yourself. If you married to be happy, your surley going to be disappointed. A person is just a person and in no way can satify all your human needs. If your looking for something that will satify all your human needs, you maybe need to look into yourself and strengthen your spirituality.

I would say marriage and having a good one is not a best friend to talk to everyday. It is much more and talking everyday would not make it happen. If all you want to is talk to someone every day, maybe you need a best friend as in a best GIRL friend.........., as a spouse, to be a good one
would maybe not be able to talk everyday, that is not a realisitc thing to base a good marriage on, not to mention most men are not wanting to sit around chit chatting.
A woman will........ and likes that. I chit chatted every day with my grandmother like that until she died and it was great but in no way would my husband be able to do that or want to... and the only , who like to talk about shopping, decorating etc ( girl stuff) men I have known who like to chit chat everyday are gay guys. They will chit cvhat endlessly about day to day stuff like buying a pair of jeans... 
most men ( who are not gay) aren't into chit chatting everyday
about nothing. Don't get me wrong, chit chatting about nothing is great, but a GIRLFRIEND ( or another woman) is better suited for that, not a husband

I think you should do some study on what marriage is and what you want to base yours on ( good or bad)
because from what you wrote I dont think you have very realisitc expectations when you married.
Comaplaining your not happy because your husband does not sit and talk to you everyday says you married for the wrong reasons.


----------



## perri008 (May 30, 2009)

Thanks for your response .. honestly I do believe I am bit confused about why I feel sad or frustrated in my marriage..
I just want to know if it normal to feel that..

Let me tell you abit about us, we are both 24. And we were madly in love.. for 2 and half years.. and then decided to get married.. And i do love him.. but sometimes is hard... Marring him meant living away from my family since they are in a different country it meant living all know in the past ans start from zero.. I do have a great job, although having my family far away it makes me feel incomplete and dont think he realizes hor much I have left behind for him..

I married becuase i love him i knew it was going to be hard and but i was willing to do anything for him, so when we fight like yesterday becuase i feel that I left everything for this marriage and is not working...

so i just need reassurance that marriages are like this.. hard, not what you expect, means fighting over ad over for the same things..


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

perri008 said:


> Thanks for your response .. honestly I do believe I am bit confused about why I feel sad or frustrated in my marriage..
> I just want to know if it normal to feel that..
> 
> Let me tell you abit about us, we are both 24. And we were madly in love.. for 2 and half years.. and then decided to get married.. And i do love him.. but sometimes is hard... Marring him meant living away from my family since they are in a different country it meant living all know in the past ans start from zero.. I do have a great job, although having my family far away it makes me feel incomplete and dont think he realizes hor much I have left behind for him..
> ...



I think anyone who moves to a new country
will be homesick and miss family, more so if they were espcially close to their family.
You are many used to having a bigger support group than one person and he cannot be everything to you
( no one person can be everything to someone else).
Might help to reach out and try to make some new friends, which should help you very much.

you asked:

so i just need reassurance that marriages are like this.. hard, not what you expect, means fighting over ad over for the same things..

for me... no...
other than my husband working too much to pad his pension it is not harder than I expected... but I have a great ability to ignore things most of the time.

fighting and fighting ? no, not here.
Although I have been in relationships like that and I deemed them unworthy and left them.


----------



## smiley (Jul 15, 2009)

perri008 said:


> Thanks for your response .. honestly I do believe I am bit confused about why I feel sad or frustrated in my marriage..
> I just want to know if it normal to feel that..
> 
> so i just need reassurance that marriages are like this.. hard, not what you expect, means fighting over ad over for the same things..


Yes, it can be hard sometimes. Balance your life with other interests. Get out and make friends. Find things that you enjoy and pursue them. Create your own happiness, don't rely on your husband to do that. Ironically, happy and independent people are more attractive to their partners. The time that you do spend together will become richer and more enjoyable. Marriage isn't always a piece of cake but it's a commitment you made, for "better or worse."


----------

