# I have a huge crush on my husband's brother?



## jessicalynne754 (Aug 11, 2014)

Yeah, you read that right...it took me a lot of courage to make this post so please do not say bad things about me. I know i'm a horrible person for this but I don't know what to do. H and I have been married for 4 years (1 child 1 yr old), I'm 23 and he's 24, BIL is 26.

H and I married because of my parent's wishes. I really wanted to please them and they wanted me to marry him. I did so even though he was abusive. My parents knew about this but told him to stop and saw to it that he went to a therapist. Also I thought I loved him. So we got married.

I had a huge crush on BIL ever since I met him, which was after H and I married. I was highly attracted to him from the first time I saw him, much more attracted than I am to H. He has always been very nice to me and we got to where we would text a lot (not like that, we would talk about H a lot) and we became close until I couldn't afford my phone anymore since H quit his job.

So my attraction for him has only grown through the years, and now I can't help but fantasize about him very often. I always tell myself to stop and it happens without me meaning to. I would never do anything to hurt my H and BIL has never come onto me or anything, so there's nothing going on between us and I'd never do anything. I know the common advice for something like this is to stay away from the person, but it is not possible in this case since he lives 10 minutes away from us. 

He is coming over tonight to spend the night for the first time in a while (since before my fantasies started) and idk what to do. Should I ignore him and spend the whole time upstairs? Should I try to talk to him and treat him like nobody special or what? What should I do in general about this? Again like I said I would never make any kind of move, physical or emotional.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

For starters stop texting him. Don't ever be alone with him. No private communication.

If that doesn't work, tell your husband, that will end it pretty quick.

But it sounds like you don't like your husband and he's abusive, so maybe you should get divorced? You're married because of your parents so you obviously have issues that need to be addressed.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Treat him like he's your brother-in-law and ignore any feelings.

You married at 19 at your parent's prodding to someone abusive???? What kind of parents want their daughter married that young to someone like that? Are you in the US? 

Your husband is abusive for a reason. His brother may have been raised in the same environment and may also be that way behind closed doors. You never know. Eyes off the brother in law.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I don't think anything is wrong with fantasies but they need to be kept in check. Try and treat him objectively and keep some distance if you need to. Don't flirt with him cause that can easily destroy a family. When/if confused look down at your hand and ring and remember the vows you made.


I think I am glad that my brother and I have very different tastes in women....never been an issue


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

you're attracted to him because he's like a version of your husband that doesn't have all the baggage that comes with marriage (worries about finances, arguments about toothpaste caps, chores, etc).

you've built him up to be a perfect guy, when in reality, if you spent 24/7 with him, you'd probably find out he's got the same issues your husband has.

does the BIL have a girlfriend or wife?

focus on your marriage, and improving your relationship and it will pass.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

jessicalynne754 said:


> Yeah, you read that right...it took me a lot of courage to make this post so please do not say bad things about me. I know i'm a horrible person for this but I don't know what to do. H and I have been married for 4 years (1 child 1 yr old), I'm 23 and he's 24, BIL is 26.
> 
> H and I married because of my parent's wishes. I really wanted to please them and they wanted me to marry him. I did so even though he was abusive. My parents knew about this but told him to stop and saw to it that he went to a therapist. Also I thought I loved him. So we got married.
> 
> ...


:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If he lives 10 minutes away, why is he spending the night at your house? Who invited him to do this?


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## jessicalynne754 (Aug 11, 2014)

ReidWright said:


> you're attracted to him because he's like a version of your husband that doesn't have all the baggage that comes with marriage (worries about finances, arguments about toothpaste caps, chores, etc).
> 
> you've built him up to be a perfect guy, when in reality, if you spent 24/7 with him, you'd probably find out he's got the same issues your husband has.
> 
> ...


No gf or wife.


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## jessicalynne754 (Aug 11, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> If he lives 10 minutes away, why is he spending the night at your house? Who invited him to do this?


He used to spend the night a lot. H invites him, obviously. Why is that confusing?


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## jessicalynne754 (Aug 11, 2014)

You guys are right. i'll try to keep my distance as much as possible (although we don't talk much to begin with). Thanks for the advice.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

jessicalynne754 said:


> He used to spend the night a lot. H invites him, obviously. Why is that confusing?


Because it seems pointless that he stay over your house if he lives 10 minutes away.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jessicalynne754 said:


> Yeah, you read that right...it took me a lot of courage to make this post so please do not say bad things about me. I know i'm a horrible person for this but I don't know what to do. H and I have been married for 4 years (1 child 1 yr old), I'm 23 and he's 24, BIL is 26.
> 
> H and I married because of my parent's wishes. I really wanted to please them and they wanted me to marry him. I did so even though he was abusive. My parents knew about this but told him to stop and saw to it that he went to a therapist. Also I thought I loved him. So we got married.
> 
> ...


Divorce your hubby. Leave the brother behind as well.

This actually sounds a tad creepy to me. It is fine to find someone attractive, but this "crush" seems over the top. That you would have to hide. Just no.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

lenzi said:


> Because it seems pointless that he stay over your house if he lives 10 minutes away.


Depends on how drunk they're planning to get.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Nucking Futs said:


> Depends on how drunk they're planning to get.


They've got a one year old child.

That would be rather irresponsible.

I never understand people planning to drink so much that they won't be able to drive home. Are life's problems really so bad that you have to intoxicate and poison yourself to that extent?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Nucking Futs said:


> Depends on how drunk they're planning to get.


That's a great idea...getting drunk with her feelings and him spending the night...


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## Granada (Jul 24, 2014)

Temptation can be very hard to fight. Don't ever be alone with him, and you guys should move, if that's possible - put distance between yourselves. 

He seems like an attractive prospect now, because you dislike your husband. But as ReidWright pointed out, he's probably more like your husband than you know.

Before you allow yourself to indulge in fantasies, give yourself a reality check - think of the consequences to your marriage if you end up having a spur of the moment affair.

If you find your husband so disagreeable, divorce him. But please do not cheat on him. Nothing in the world can excuse that.

Good luck and keep your wits about you!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lenzi said:


> They've got a one year old child.
> 
> That would be rather irresponsible.
> 
> I never understand people planning to drink so much that they won't be able to drive home. Are life's problems really so bad that you have to intoxicate and poison yourself to that extent?


For some, drinking is a sport. The goal is to get so drunk that they cannot function. A pretty good sign that they are alcoholics or at least budding alcoholics.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Op banned. troll?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

The story may be true, but this poster has another active account here that she should use.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

2 accounts, questionable story about a husband's brother.

I know where my I'm putting my money.

I'd like to see her other threads (if any)

Is there anything in there about circus clowns?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

That was quick ! LOL


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