# Emotional Abuse in Marriage



## shorty (Jul 1, 2009)

My brother is involved in an emotional abusive marriage. Its almost been a yr of marriage and they argue more now that before the marriage. My family is very concern about this relationship because its tearing our family apart. They have a 2 year old child together and she has already indicated that she would not have been with my brother if she hadn't gotten pregnant

they dated for less than a year before the birth of they daughter, and when they became engaged she insisted that they be married in 3 months after the engagement. Now that they are married, she has turned into...i don't want to call names.


But here are some of the things she has said to my brother:

I should have married someone in my class
You are stupid
I am better than you
I paid for the wedding but you'll pay for the divorce


She criticizes everything she does and says.


She won't even have sex with him unless he pays her money.


We talked to him as a family and he indicated that he wanted a divorce but now he has changed his mind because he doesn't want to because of his child

i don't know what else to tell him. He is sad all the time, don't talk to his family anymore and none of us feel comfortable being around them anymore. 

My sister in law told the marriage counseller, its her way or the high way.

Please help, I don't know what else to say.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

You and your family clearly love your brother. It is always distressing to see one we love go through emotional pain and turmoil.

Your brother is a big boy and must be allowed to make his mistakes and work through them, WITHOUT *negative* input regarding his wife and situation. 

The best thing you can do for your brother is have ears and listen quietly. It seems you all have suggested to him what he should do, now let *him* figure out how long he is going to tolerate his situation. 

Your family should remain his haven away from negative input and opinions voiced to him, he need that because from what you say, he needs peace somewhere. 

Do not allow him to be isolated from you all just because you and famly cannot "take" his issues; his spouse would LOVE _that_, trust me. If he asks for input, try to give constructive answers...no put downs, etc.

Don't say things such as "She is such a witch to you...." HE KNOWS already, it just buries him further in despair. 

DO say such things as: "We know you are struggling, we all have struggles we run into in life, we are here if you need a shoulder....". 

Keep yourselves as neutral as possible, without seeming as if you could care less.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Wait, he has to pay money to have sex with his wife? Damn...if I could get my wife to pay me for sex I'd be...well I'd be broke that's what I would be.

Your brother is a grown man, albeit emasculated it would appear, but this is his battle, not yours. 

You can be a sounding board and a haven for comfort but the only thing you can really do is listen and offer advice if he asks for it but only if he asks.

He will man up soon enough...just be patient and be there.

Preacher


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## SadTimes (Jun 30, 2009)

He probably feels isolated and alone. Just reach out to him as much as you can, even if you are uncomfortable around his wife. Let him know at every opportunity that you are there for him. Don't criticize his wife or his choices-- he already knows he has made bad decisions in his life. Maybe provide him with the phone number of a domestic abuse hotline and leave it at that. Just be there for him and let him know you will do everything you can to support him. If he knows he has that family support, it may be much easier for him to leave, and he may realize that he's not crazy for wanting to leave.


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