# what about the Kids?



## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

This needs its own thread We are all in pain for either been cheated on or have cheated. For those of you who have divorced after being a victim of cheating where you filed for the divorce how are the kids doing? This is the core of my hellish experience because I can take it on chin as far as my grief and loss and needs but my 5year old daughter that's a different story. When served at least temporarily and I hope permanently her Mom and grandpa will be moving out. What do you tell them about why you ended the marriage? For me part of this is done because my WW involved my daughter in the cheating with two different guys!!!! arggh  I am greatly concerned for my daughter she loves us both but she gets clingy to her mom at times. I'd like to think on a love scale I would win against my wife for love towards my daughter but it ain't so she does love her very much but she's a lousy role model. I mean if custody was based purely on which parent loves the child more who could win? I hate that my little girl is also a victim of her mom's incredibly stupid decisions.
I fear my daughter getting mad at me for initiating the divorce I didn't want but I don't want to speak ill of her mom to her even though I doubt the same cortesy will be extended to me.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

The children are the hardest and saddest part, for they are true innocent victims of divorce. Stand a higher ground than your STBX. Do not drag your 5 year old daughter into the anger and resentment you may feel towards her mother. 

The concept of divorce could be hard enough for your daughter to grasp if that type of lifestyle is completely foreign to her (e.g.; No current friends or family members divorced where children are involved.) Keep the explanation simple. 

Trust me, in a few years your daughter will start to figure some things out on her own. The wheels in our children’s minds are always turning.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm having a hard time with this part too. My 3 children are broken. I don't think my husband can see the full extent because he is not here at home. He says they don't act like that with him, but he is living at his parents where its grandmas house to the kids...Of course they are going to be happier and fight less. 

In our situation both Husband and I were unfaithful even in the same month. We have been working on coming back together. We are much farther than we were at the time of seperation.

Our kids notice happiness when we are together as a family.

I know in my situation its best for the kids for both mommy and daddy to live together and raise them together.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

We took my daughter to a movie today I could see doing things like that with her as friends time to time if we are ever able to get past the s...storm that's on the way. But its going to be a big change for my daughter


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Blindasabat said:


> We took my daughter to a movie today I could see doing things like that with her as friends time to time if we are ever able to get past the s...storm that's on the way. But its going to be a big change for my daughter


So sorry for your daughter


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

all the kids - bad enough for adults to get their hearts ripped out and stomped on but the children deserve so much better than this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

My kids are better off now. They no longer have to compete with their Mother on a daily basis, they have a safe place to grow emotionally and they have. My younger daughter was withdrawn and shy. Only a few months later and she is confident to say no Confident to say what she wants. My exw was passive aggressive and the separation has revealed this. Her final selfish behaviour only confirmed in my older girls mind what she already suspected.
A least half the time they can be themselves.

I do my best to support the best parts of my ExW to them. They need to be able to love their Mother. 
Yes. It was awful. Yes it hurt them badly but they are adaptable. Just be strong. Move forward. Even if you try and hide the pain, they will see it. 
Do not lie for your wife Answer questions directly and explain that it is not acceptable that your wife also have a BF and stay in the house. 
Take the high ground but do not let her walk off imagining that this is a "marital problem" 
The kids know this already. Even at five.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Its what eats me up is that my daughter knows about atleast one of the A's to the extent of her mom kissing someone on the lips She wanted to tell me more I stopped her I will find out more from her one time with a recorder at a later date if my attorney deems it necessary so she's already negatively effected. she's asking all kinds of questions about love and marriage uggg wish I could fast forward from here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> Its what eats me up is that my daughter knows about atleast one of the A's to the extent of her mom kissing someone on the lips She wanted to tell me more I stopped her I will find out more from her one time with a recorder at a later date if my attorney deems it necessary so she's already negatively effected. she's asking all kinds of questions about love and marriage uggg wish I could fast forward from here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is awful. Let her talk about it though. She needs you to listen and explain in as simple language as you can. 
It is not acceptable. 
Your wife will be feeding all sort of crap to her about how special love will overcome all and in the end you will be happier. It is wrong. Very Very wrong.
Your daughter already knows this..


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

ing said:


> This is awful. Let her talk about it though. She needs you to listen and explain in as simple language as you can.
> It is not acceptable.
> Your wife will be feeding all sort of crap to her about how special love will overcome all and in the end you will be happier. It is wrong. Very Very wrong.
> Your daughter already knows this..


I stopped my daughter from talking about it becuase what prompted her to tell me was a discussion we were having about honesty
and not keeping secrets which I guess made her feel bad for keeping her mom's secret from me. Also didn't want her telling the W

just wanted to stop it there for now-but I will talk with her again when/if needed
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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