# Ladies did ever lost lust/physical attraction for your husband?



## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Ladies have ever lost lust/physical attraction for your husband after your baby was born? If yes why? Do you think you can continue your relationship without it? Did it ever came back?


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

I have always been physically attracted to my husband but yes after the birth of our daughter the lust dwindled. My focus just seemed to shift to her and her needs. It was also extremely stressful. My husband worked alot leaving me with her almost all the time. I barely ever had time to shower, nasty but the truth. Finally my husband saw the stress I was under and started helping more giving me little breaks when he wasn't working. I started to feel some relief and slowly my lust returned. I know my relationship could of continued that way but it wouldn't have been a happy time. I'm glad he started to help me more.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Yes, my 'lust' factor kind of bottomed out after the birth of each of our kids. I was also breast-feeding which contributes even more to a depressed libido. It is not uncommon for a woman's libido to be depressed after childbirth - part of it is the hormonal changes that are going on and is kind of nature's way of intending the woman spends her energy and effort on the current infant she has.

However, my H and I continued to press onward together, slowly but surely, and once the breastfeeding was over and the mostly sleepless nights were over it got much better.

How old is your baby?

Is your wife currently breastfeeding?

Is she working outside the home, or have a lot of other stressors - lack of sleep, crying baby, no time to self?


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Ench: My wife is 29 she was breastfeeding for the first 2 years. Now the baby is almost 4 years. Sex was always a problem, but I never complained. Baby was never a problem I was the one who used get up during a night and early mornings. Now she told she lost her lust.


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Square: I never left her with baby, I was with the baby during a night. And her mother during a day. So she always had time to do stuff.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

LexusNexus said:


> Ladies have ever lost lust/physical attraction for your husband after your baby was born? If yes why? Do you think you can continue your relationship without it? Did it ever came back?


If she is breatfeeding, hormonally this will lower her sex drive: 

Breastfeeding and Low Sex Drive - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Never!

My husband is still the SEXIEST man I'd ever laid eyes on, even 13 years later. We have 3 beautiful children(2 are his, 1 from a previous marriage).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

LexusNexus said:


> Square: I never left her with baby, I was with the baby during a night. And her mother during a day. So she always had time to do stuff.


I had my mom to help me while he was at work but it is still a stressful time. We would even switch on and off who would take the night shift. I was also breastfeeding/pumping. My husband also thought I had time to do stuff cause I had my mom around during the day but in reality i just didnt have a lot of free time. Not sure what your wife does with her time when she doesnt have the baby around but for me my free time consisted of laundry, cleaning and whatnot that needed to be done. It was oh so much fun.

My daughter is 4 now but it didn't take a real long time for the lust to turn I would say from birth to maybe 6 months?? Give or take a month.


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If she is breatfeeding, hormonally this will lower her sex drive:
> 
> Breastfeeding and Low Sex Drive - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com


She stope breastfeeding 2 years ago. I think she lost her lust because we start dating young, we been together for 11 years married 4.So its the same routine.


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Never!
> 
> My husband is still the SEXIEST man I'd ever laid eyes on, even 13 years later. We have 3 beautiful children(2 are his, 1 from a previous marriage).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is the lucky guy


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

LexusNexus said:


> She stope breastfeeding 2 years ago. I think she lost her lust because we start dating young, we been together for 11 years married 4.So its the same routine.



I've been with my husband 12 years married for 2. Been together since I was 16 and he was 18.


Have you asked her? I guess some people could get bored over time but I haven't. Maybe try a date night to get some alone time and reconnect?


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

square1 said:


> I've been with my husband 12 years married for 2. Been together since I was 16 and he was 18.
> 
> 
> Have you asked her? I guess some people could get bored over time but I haven't. Maybe try a date night to get some alone time and reconnect?


I wish date night would work. We go out atleast 3 times a week just a two of us. All this years my wife was telling me I am not sexual person. At the end she told me I lost my lust for you. I asked her did you ever had your lust for me? She said she doesnt know. She said its not physical appearance because she is very attracted to my physical appearance. I work out 5-6 times a week and I have 8% body fat.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

She may not be relating to you emotionally. Try to have a conversation with her to fgure out what she needs from you emotionally. What you may be giving her is not what she needs. 

Honestly, women don't base their attraction to men solely on looks. In fact, I would say for many women, looks and body are way down on the list. 

I think it is pointless to ask her if she ever found you sexy. You are married. Focus on the here and now. What does she need right now to create a spark? She may not like herself, which will dampen her libido. It's not solely your fault that she lost her mojo. In fact, I'd say she's the biggest part of the problem.

Both partners have a responsibility to make the marriage fresh, to clearly communicate their needs and to try to meet their partners needs. It's a constant work in progress, a life journey, not a destination called "happiness".


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Laurae1967 Thank you for your reply. 
Its been going on for 3 weeks now. I tried to have conversation first she said its not you, I feel terrible because you didn't do anything wrong, and you didn't deserve this, you always treated me with respect and love. She said I am confused who I am. Every time I tried to start conversation she keep telling I need space, I need time. Meanwhile we had 3 times intimate relationship.

I know women don't based their attraction on physical appearance but without communication I cannot resolve this problem. She always relied on me to resolve all the problems. 

She is very attractive and she knows that, I always told her she is very smart and beautiful. We tired marriage counseling, I spent thousands of dollars, it didn't help because she doesn't know what the problem is. I feel like all she wants just left a lone, and let me deal with her feelings. It would be easier for me to understand if I did something wrong. I am not perfect. I just finished reading 5 languages of love, His Needs Her Needs, and No More MR nice guy. I know for sure I am Not Mr Nice guy. As far as needs I met all of her needs. 5 languages of love even now I don't know what her main language of love. 

I feel the same way its both partners responsibility to make marriage work especially when you have child, but somehow she is not interested to make it work. Most of her answers I don't know, I need space, I am not sure if its going to work.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

You can spend five minutes together and take the online love language quiz to start to get an idea of each other's 'languages'.

The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love Languages®

And, as Laurae pointed out, physical appearance is often not the most important thing to a woman. Go look at your signature line - the last line. What does it say? What is it about? Attitude. Are you meeting her need for having a strong man of character? Have you changed in your attitude since when you met and things were on fire until now? If so, can you put some of that attitude back into your daily life?

I see the men recommend this blog/book all the time. You might like it if you haven't looked at it before:

Married Man Sex Life

As well, you mentioned that this has been going on 3 weeks? Was there something that happened at that point in time? Some catalyst? New job, new routine, new friends? Anything?

Best wishes.


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

I just finished reading five languages of love. I asked her what is your main language of love she didn't say anything. She said she feel pressured to talk to me, she says not now. Or I wish I would know what the problem is.

I agree my attitude is the biggest problem, because since the beginning I made this relationship one sided. This whole time I felt like its my responsibility to save this marriage. I thought its my responsibility to make my wife happy, buy the house, and raise the son. She felt like since I did everything there is nothing left for her. All my friends said you did too much too fast. She was always proud of her life we have, most of our friends don't even have a house, and I am only 29. I know its not about material stuff, but what could I done differently? Not treat her with respect and love, She didn't work until she was 28. She never said look we have a problem, or I am not happy lets talk.

Since the beginning of the year everything was perfect. Until she found new friends. I was fine with her having friends until it went out of control. She was going out 3 times a month until 1 am. Finally I said you are married and you need to respect my boundaries. She said you are trying to control me, and thats where the problems begun. Her friends are single, and have no kids, and no responsibilities in l


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

LexusNexus said:


> Since the beginning of the year everything was perfect. Until she found new friends. I was fine with her having friends until it went out of control. She was going out 3 times a month until 1 am. Finally I said you are married and you need to respect my boundaries. She said you are trying to control me, and thats where the problems begun. Her friends are single, and have no kids, and no responsibilities in l


Oh, boy. Some red flags there - going out until the wee hours of the morning with single friends and basically acting like a single again herself.

Have you done any clandestine investigation (i.e., not letting her know) into her activities with these friends? Is she involved with another man, or just these toxic girlfriends? She's at that point where she's got these responsibilities and seems to want to shake free of them, especially after seeing what the single life is like with her friends. It can be a toxic combination.

I hope one of the forum guys who are really good at sizing up these kinds of situations and offering suggestions on what to do comes along and gives you some advice on how you can go about snooping around to see what she is up to.

As well, it might be worthwhile for you to think about what your boundaries are in this kind of situation. Why do you let her go out with these single friends? If she wants to go out once in a while, or go to lunch with them that's fine. But clubbing and staying out late isn't. She's a married lady. She can go out clubbing and dancing and staying out late with you. As her husband, expressing your concern for her well-being and her welfare and not allowing these late nights out with her toxic single friends isn't controlling. It's called caring. And it goes both way - she should be caring about how you feel about all of this as well.

Best wishes.


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Enchantment Thank you for your replies,
I know too many red flags, and I told her about my concerns. So she stop going out at all. When she goes out it usually not the clubs, more like casual places and she wears her uniform (she is Nurse Practitioner). Yes there is guy involved, but I ask her 100 times if she is interested in him she said no. Her parents ask her the same question, even MC. She doesn't hide her cell phone, and there is no SMS between her and the guy. I checked cell phone bill and there is nothing unusual. We don't keep secrets, so I know here log in for Face Book and email. So far I haven't found anything. I even ask mutual friend without her knowing. She said no, the guy is very silly and he is 38 years old and have a girlfriend.

Nothing make sense right now, except she said she lost her feelings, and her lust. I know her friends don't make situation any better. I have 2 options wait until its resolve, or move on with my life. If not for my son I would not even think twice, but he is the main concern.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, you do have option #3. Instead of waiting, instead of moving on, you can look at yourself and changes you could possibly make that may help to influence her or rebalance your marriage.

For example, if you are always doting on her, then stop doing that. Make yourself attractive - get a new haircut, buy some new clothes, get some new cologne. Get a new hobby, go out to the gym, meet YOUR friends. If she sees some of your disinterest, perhaps it will spur her interest.

Here's a good thread by MEM about that. See if it resonates with you:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/21278-thermostat-ultimate-barometer-your-r.html

As well, did you say that you two are doing marriage counseling?

Best wishes.


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

Thank you again for replies. I know what you mean when you said about MEM thread, I saw it many times. There is not much left to change. I shave my head, I buy cloth once a month before and after this happened. I go to gym 6 times a week, I see my friends twice a week. 

Thats where I made mistake most of my hobbies involved spending a lot of money. Like pro-car racing or car restoration, as well as some risk involved. So I gave out all my hobbies except working out, to have better life, as well as to buy a house. So i decided to buy myself a bicycle, I know it sounds crazy but I decided to get myself involved in pro-cycling, and start taking more road trips with my son.


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