# Am I overthinking this?



## Serinity1980 (Oct 22, 2013)

So in one of my posts here I was talking about being accepted into a registered nurse program. Other then here on the forum I had told no-one yet and I told my husband in person face to face first. After I had told him later that night he asked why I hadn't posted it on Facebook yet. Well I didn't feel like it at all at the time I really don't like telling the world what is going on in my life on Facebook I feel that its none of their business. So this is what I had posted "I have news, I have been accepted into the registered nurse program at University of Alberta for September" it was short to the point and I had told him earlier that day. Last night I picked up his phone by accident and saw a text from a buddy of his, his buddy asked if he was moving to the other city because he saw on Facebook that I had been accepted into the program. My husband said that he wasn't moving and that he had found out on Facebook to that I had been accepted. I wasn't going to post anything on Facebook, but he kinda made a big deal about it that I hadn't, and then he goes and lies about it to a friend when I had told him first. Should I call him on his lie because it does bother me or should I just leave it alone because it not worth the fight. I can't help but wonder why he would lie about it, and then does he even realize that he lied about it?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't really think it's worth the fight, personally. What difference would it make if he admits to you that you're right?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Serinity1980 (Oct 22, 2013)

PBear said:


> I don't really think it's worth the fight, personally. What difference would it make if he admits to you that you're right?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your right it wouldn't make a difference if he admitted that I am right or not. I guess that's not the point the point is why, I don't understand why I told him first before I announced it on Facebook or told anyone. So why?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Calmly ask him why he said that. Who knows why he felt the need to lie but by your asking him, he'll know he's been caught and might think twice about it next time.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, you asked if it was something worth getting in a fight for. So that's what I answered. 

He lied to his friend to get sympathy about how awful you are to him. That's likely to continue. You confronting him, especially since you're moving away, isn't likely to change that. But go ahead, if you think it will make you feel better. But I doubt you'll get an honest response from him. You'll likely get a shrug and and "I don't know". 

Btw... Welcome to Edmonton! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Serinity1980 said:


> Should I call him on his lie because it does bother me or should I just leave it alone because it not worth the fight. I can't help but wonder why he would lie about it, and then does he even realize that he lied about it?


To me it's no big deal. But we're talking about Serinity's feelings. So if it bothers you that much, yes talk to him about it. It does seem strange to me that he would do that. It sounds a tad manipulative actually. Congratulations on being accepted into nursing BTW. Well done!


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

It is deliberate. He knew what he did, and he tried to make you look bad to his buddy. Why would anybody want to make their wife look bad? You would think that he would want everybody to know how great you were for being accepted - and how proud he is.

I think he set you up to look bad.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Serinity1980 said:


> So in one of my posts here I was talking about being accepted into a registered nurse program. Other then here on the forum I had told no-one yet and I told my husband in person face to face first. After I had told him later that night he asked why I hadn't posted it on Facebook yet. Well I didn't feel like it at all at the time I really don't like telling the world what is going on in my life on Facebook I feel that its none of their business. So this is what I had posted "I have news, I have been accepted into the registered nurse program at University of Alberta for September" it was short to the point and I had told him earlier that day. Last night I picked up his phone by accident and saw a text from a buddy of his, his buddy asked if he was moving to the other city because he saw on Facebook that I had been accepted into the program. My husband said that he wasn't moving and that he had found out on Facebook to that I had been accepted. I wasn't going to post anything on Facebook, but he kinda made a big deal about it that I hadn't, and then he goes and lies about it to a friend when I had told him first. Should I call him on his lie because it does bother me or should I just leave it alone because it not worth the fight. I can't help but wonder why he would lie about it, and then does he even realize that he lied about it?


Red flags go up here. You need to know if this is a pattern or a mistake. If its a pattern, then you can't trust him. I wouldn't tell him you know so he isn't aware that you are paying more attention. Either this blows over or start to see him for who he really is.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

This is what I would do. Take your husbands phone and text to his friend, "hi joe, this serinity, I wanted to let you know that the first person I told about getting accepted to school was my husband and In fact he was the one that told me to post it on Facebook. I'm not sure why he lied to you like that."


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> This is what I would do. Take your husbands phone and text to his friend, "hi joe, this serinity, I wanted to let you know that the first person I told about getting accepted to school was my husband and In fact he was the one that told me to post it on Facebook. I'm not sure why he lied to you like that."


That made me grin  Good idea.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> This is what I would do. Take your husbands phone and text to his friend, "hi joe, this serinity, I wanted to let you know that the first person I told about getting accepted to school was my husband and In fact he was the one that told me to post it on Facebook. I'm not sure why he lied to you like that."


But do be aware that if you do the above, you will forever be the psycho controlling wife who spies on her poor husband's texts and then pulls crazy stunts like texting his friends to lie to them about him. 

If your husband is deliberately making you out to be a terrible person, chances are that's been going on for a while. So, doing anything like this will be seen by his friends - who, remember, already think you're crazy - as proof he was right about you.

My advice would be to say and do nothing but continue to pay attention. Figure out if this is a one-off thing or if it's a pattern of behavior. You shouldn't trust a man who consistently puts his wife down to other people - especially if you're his wife.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't even see why he'd lie to his friend about finding out on Facebook. Seems so weird.


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## Serinity1980 (Oct 22, 2013)

You are correct it is not worth the fight because I know that he will just lie to me anyway. He must think that I am a absolute idiot to believe him because he has done it before and I have called him on it when I discovered that he had hacked all my email accounts and tried to cancel my application for the rn program. As I called him on each lie he changed his story just a bit, so he must really think I'm stupid that's the only thing I can think of or he just doesn't realize that he is lying. I am pretty sure that he knows that he is lying to me because you know when you watch people and you can see them changing the story so they don't get caught in their lies, yea. 
Anyway its not worth telling his friend the truth because if he finds out I will end up paying it out in spades. Since he is trying to convince me that I am crazy and in need of medication I don't think I need to be reinforcing that view to anyone else or him.
My mom thinks its a jealousy thing and as I move forward he is probably only going to get worse and his lies and excuses for why he isn't succeeding will only get more elaborate.


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## fightforher (Dec 4, 2013)

Serinity1980 said:


> You are correct it is not worth the fight because I know that he will just lie to me anyway. He must think that I am a absolute idiot to believe him because he has done it before and I have called him on it when I discovered that he had hacked all my email accounts and tried to cancel my application for the rn program. As I called him on each lie he changed his story just a bit, so he must really think I'm stupid that's the only thing I can think of or he just doesn't realize that he is lying. I am pretty sure that he knows that he is lying to me because you know when you watch people and you can see them changing the story so they don't get caught in their lies, yea.
> Anyway its not worth telling his friend the truth because if he finds out I will end up paying it out in spades. Since he is trying to convince me that I am crazy and in need of medication I don't think I need to be reinforcing that view to anyone else or him.
> My mom thinks its a jealousy thing and as I move forward he is probably only going to get worse and his lies and excuses for why he isn't succeeding will only get more elaborate.


Lets see:

1) You were setup to look bad to his friend
2) He tried to cancel your application to the rn program. Wow, really?
3) He hacked into your e-mail accounts (your suppose to just ask your spouse for access).
4) And he has lied to you before and spun more lies to cover up lies.

Hum, does not sound like he is trying to be the best possible spouse for you. He should be encouraging you, not crippling you.

Sorry to hear this. Sounds like there might be deeper issues here. Calling him on this incident will probably not delve into the deeper issues. Just stir up the surface.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

fightforher said:


> Lets see:
> 
> 1) You were setup to look bad to his friend
> 2) He tried to cancel your application to the rn program. Wow, really?
> ...


:iagree:
If a friend did those things to me, I would think they were trying to destroy my future and denigrate my character. Him trying to cancel your application to the RN program would be enough for me to seriously contemplate divorce. This man is not looking out for your best interests. It sounds like he's trying to bring you down.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I went back and read some of your other threads.

He knows that this means the end of your marriage. He's not happy about that. I can understand why he's not happy.

I also understand why you are doing this.

He probably told you to post it on Facebook as a dig, like "Yea go tell the world that you are choosing to leave your marriage." And you did it.

So now he's really pissed/hurt. His remark to his friend was him getting sympathy.

It's not worth the hassle to confront him. You are leaving him. Just go on with your life.


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