# What Age Should You Marry



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Loved Bridge's question "what age did you marry"

Made me think what people would say about what age they should have married or recommend others to marry.

I think 30 for him and 28 for her for earliest age.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

7 1/2.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Ha, I'm 46 and my so is 48, and I'm still not sure we are old enough to get married.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

I'd say that after 29 is actually a good age, but then it depends on people's maturity.

But I'd say that it's better to marry after both started working for a few years and have some financial security. That way it would minimize the "I've missed out stuffs" thing and both are more mature and used to life responsibilities better. Things are more stabilized.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

As every couple is so vastly different ...in what they want & desire in life / love/ companionship/ family/ a future..... I would look more at how responsible they are with money/ work ethic for starters...

Also looking at their conflict resolution skills / How they communicate...if they've been together at least 18 months -to get over the misleading "infatuation stage" of new relationships...if they are still loving, laughing & planning together...and a couples "self awareness" so they are less likely to blame shift but own their own hand in those conflicts that will come...

These things I would look at more ....over the AGE question...

Some people in their early 20's have more of that going on over those in their early 40's!!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Loved Bridge's question "what age did you marry"
> 
> Made me think what people would say about what age they should have married or recommend others to marry.
> 
> I think 30 for him and 28 for her for earliest age.


I got married when I was just 24 yrs old and her 27.

There is no specific age to get married.

Emotional and psychological maturity isn't necessarily age specific.

Lots of little boys in grown men's bodies and lots of entitled little princesses in grown women bodies.

The best age to get married is when you can handle your ALL YOUR marital responsibilities like an adult. Whenever you finally grow up and start taking personal responsibility for your own actions.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

norajane said:


> Ha, I'm 46 and my so is 48, and I'm still not sure we are old enough to get married.


:smthumbup:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Based on things I've read here I no longer believe there's a set age formula for success. I do think you can avoid a lot of the major relationship struggles if you wait til you're at least over 30 before committing to a long term arrangement. But with that said, I still think if you have the right two people matched they can overcome those major struggles and have a great marriage even from a young age.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

never

serial monogamy is best


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

After 25. Closer to 30 for men. 

I think how long a couple has dated has to be taken into account. If my husband and I had waited until 30, we would have been dating for 12 years.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Whatever age they are truly ready for and can fully comprehend lifetime commitment and what that means.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I'm sure all or most of us have heard that the brain isn't finished developing until you reach 25. When speaking in generalities, I wouldn't advise getting married or having children until then. Of course, I didn't practice what I just preached.

Hindsight being what it is, I was definitely mature enough to handle a LTR/marriage and kids. Actually, I had a deep yearning for family, period of my own... just wasn't sure about the timing or logistics of kids... I thought I'd be a foster mom... but I digress.

Still, I feel like had I waited until my mid-to-late twenties I would of had a better understanding of who I AM. My values absolutely changed between 20 and 25. What I feel is important vs. the superficial and my tastes in a life partner or husband have also changed a great deal.

I just feel that knowing what I know now about myself and who I really am, I could have vetted any partners better instead of forgiving and compromising as much as I have had to do with my current mate.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

There's no right answer for everyone but I think it's important to have a little time independent. I've heard we keep developing mentally until age 25 but that isn't an indicator to avoid marriage. It's just a variable and quite possibly has been an important part of the mating process for our history. The flip side of this is that starting a family late has it's downsides as well. I'm 46 and I know I feel blessed to be so young and have all of my kids grown and doing well.


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

Miss Taken said:


> I just feel that knowing what I know now about myself and who I really am, I could have vetted any partners better instead of forgiving and compromising as much as I have had to do with my current mate.


This should be framed and committed to memory by all teenagers.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Loved Bridge's question "what age did you marry"
> 
> Made me think what people would say about what age they should have married or recommend others to marry.
> 
> I think 30 for him and 28 for her for earliest age.



I was 25 and my wifee to be was 20. Our 15th year anniversary is September and only 2 months away.

For us, it just felt right. About 6 months of dating, I asked her to marry me and soon after, we got married at a small chapel with only immediate family and friends. A small wedding, which is the way we like it.

Mrs.CuddleBug thinks the way I do. There is no point in living together, sex, putting in the time and effort, no just break up years down the road. A huge waste of time, so we got married. Ups and downs but overall, ups.

Some get married right out of high school, some in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, etc. All depends if it feels right.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> There's no right answer for everyone but I think it's important to have a little time independent. I've heard we keep developing mentally until age 25 but that isn't an indicator to avoid marriage. It's just a variable and quite possibly has been an important part of the mating process for our history. The flip side of this is that starting a family late has it's downsides as well. I'm 46 and I know I feel blessed to be so young and have all of my kids grown and doing well.


Thundarr great post. I am 43 and our oldest daughter is 21 and we both joke around that we could be pregnant at the same time and have babies and people might ask who is the mother?


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Caribbean Man said:


> I got married when I was just 24 yrs old and her 27.
> 
> There is no specific age to get married.
> 
> ...


You and I are right in sync again. There is no right age just as there is no right age to have children. There may be some wrong ages though. LoL

I have known those that were very mature at 22 and others that were very immature at 45 so the correct answer is that it depends on the people involved.

I was 23 and my W was 22 when we married. Candidly, I would have married her even earlier if I'd had the opportunity but 23 was young enough. We did wait several years before we had children though and that I would always recommend. Get to know one another better and save some money because you'll need it once the kids arrive.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> You and I are right in sync again. There is no right age just as there is no right age to have children. There may be some wrong ages though. LoL
> 
> I have known those that were very mature at 22 and others that were very immature at 45 so the correct answer is that it depends on the people involved.
> 
> I was 23 and my W was 22 when we married. Candidly, I would have married her even earlier if I'd had the opportunity but 23 was young enough. We did wait several years before we had children though and that I would always recommend. Get to know one another better and save some money because you'll need it once the kids arrive.



Wonderful post! How many years have you all been married now?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You should marry when you are ready (and legal).


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

26 for female 29 for male with the understanding of no kids until after third anniversary, complete with long term birth control like iud (or whatever).


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I don't think there is a right age. 

I got married young and have no problem being married at my age(love being married and a young mom). My only issue is with the man I married, him changing after marriage.  

It just depends on the couple and maturity levels. 

I know people in their 40s who are too immature to marry and people in their 20s who are ready and can commit. It just varies.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

over20 said:


> Wonderful post! How many years have you all been married now?


It'll be 29 years in December.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My husband was 18 and I was 24 when we married. If I knew then what I know now... I'd do it the same, all over again. Some may say we married too young. Maybe so, but I still wouldn't change it. If my kids came to me at age 18-20 and said they were planning to marry, I wouldn't talk them out of it. What I would do, instead, is tell them that it won't be easy, there will be trials along the way, and they need to hold onto each other to get through. I would also tell them that we are here for them, anytime they need.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> My husband was 18 and I was 24 when we married. If I knew then what I know now... I'd do it the same, all over again. Some may say we married too young. Maybe so, but I still wouldn't change it. If my kids came to me at age 18-20 and said they were planning to marry, I wouldn't talk them out of it. What I would do, instead, is tell them that it won't be easy, there will be trials along the way, and they need to hold onto each other to get through. I would also tell them that we are here for them, anytime they need.


Agreed. I married young as well and I would definitely not discourage it. It is so much more easy to find that "passionate" love when you are young. I think something that all newlywed young couples will deal with is going through immaturity & growing up, but as you said, they should hold onto each other to get through.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> I got married when I was just 24 yrs old and her 27.
> 
> There is no specific age to get married.
> 
> ...



But, my question is.. at what age are you even aware of all the marital responsibilities.

I waited until I was 25 to marry and I didn't really have a clue as to what I was getting into.

Didn't help that I married the wicked witch of the west.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

over20 said:


> Thundarr great post. I am 43 and our oldest daughter is 21 and we both joke around that we could be pregnant at the same time and have babies and people might ask who is the mother?


My wife was 3 months short of being 40 when our last baby was born...

She shopped at the same grocery store the entire 9 months she was pregnant. And, the first time she went in to the store with the new baby.. a lady who worked there... Who she saw everytime she went in there... said, "OHHHHH you've got a new grand baby!!!"

She came home in tears... and saying how stupid that woman was!!!


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Mostlycontent said:


> It'll be 29 years in December.


I am so happy for you both, well done friend...


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

hambone said:


> My wife was 3 months short of being 40 when our last baby was born...
> 
> She shopped at the same grocery store the entire 9 months she was pregnant. And, the first time she went in to the store with the new baby.. a lady who worked there... Who she saw everytime she went in there... said, "OHHHHH you've got a new grand baby!!!"
> 
> She came home in tears... and saying how stupid that woman was!!!


Ignorant people come in all shapes and sizes....kudos to your wife for enjoying pregnancy later in life...I am sure she has a lot of wisdom to offer younger women....a rare find these days...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sunburn said:


> never
> 
> serial monogamy is best


:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

hambone said:


> But, my question is.. at what age are you even aware of all the marital responsibilities.
> 
> *I waited until I was 25 to marry and I didn't really have a clue as to what I was getting into.*
> 
> *Didn't help that I married the wicked witch of the west.*


Hambone.. you seem so well balanced NOW.. and I know you are open & forthcoming talking and sharing with your own kids/ teens..... 

Where were your parents back then ...didn't your upbringing give you some idea to what to be prepared for, to watch out for...talking to you about Life, Love...responsibility, commitment to another, giving, understanding what may work and not work ...their sharing their own wisdom, passing it down?? 

Couldn't they see she had red flags of "the wicked witch of the west" ?? Or did you not take heed? ...

I even talk to our teens about Love languages..assesing others... I am BIG on them not going into anything blindly.. to give it sufficient TIME .... know their conflict styles..temperaments, dreams /goals. will they mesh ?? ....... I could predict 3rd son's 1st GF wasn't going to work early on.. I even warned him.. and it played out just as I suspected it would.. 

We live and learn.. it's good to have some of those experiences to see what will work and what doesn't ..


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

A coworker of mine grew up in northern Pennsylvania and marred her Husband when she was 16, he was 20. I think she is in her mid 50’s now and back when she did this is was OK as long as you had a note from your mommy and daddy giving permission. They have 3 adult kids and seem happily married.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Hambone.. you seem so well balanced NOW.. and I know you are open & forthcoming talking and sharing with your own kids/ teens.....
> 
> Where were your parents back then ...didn't your upbringing give you some idea to what to be prepared for, to watch out for...talking to you about Life, Love...responsibility, commitment to another, giving, understanding what may work and not work ...their sharing their own wisdom, passing it down??
> 
> ...


My parents gave me little to no advice about anything. I never saw my parents discuss things.

My father never spent time with me discussing life and how you should view things... how to think about things... values etc. My father allowed me to screw up and then seemed to delight in beating my arse. But, even then... there was no discussion about what I should have done or how I could have handled things better. Then again, I think some days, when he came home from work and was frustrated/angry... I was getting an arse whipping no matter how good I'd been. I never knew where the line was. It seemed to me, like I could just be walking along, minding my own business and all the sudden I'm getting my arse beat. 

Till this day, if my father disagrees with someone, he never discusses why he disagrees with them... You know, he's super nice and agreeable to people's faces. As soon as he's out of earshot... He'll wobble that head, get a scowl on his face and say something like, "Aw sh!t... that ignorant rastard doesn't know what he's talking about!" He NEVER discusses the pros and cons of why he disagrees. And, IMO, my father would rather struggle, wear his self totally slap out and eventually fail with his plan than to adopt some one else's idea and be done in 15 minutes.

It's all about control. Now compare that to me... It's about getting done ASAP and if I can learn something from others.. YEAH!!! I don't consider it a challenge to my authority but friendly advice that get's me ahead.



Back up to that first marriage. It was doomed to failure from the get go because my bride didn't marry me for love. 

Maybe I was too hard on myself. It takes two people to make a marriage.... and only 1 person to break it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

hambone said:


> It's all about control. *Now compare that to me... It's about getting done ASAP and if I can learn something from others.. YEAH!!! I don't consider it a challenge to my authority but friendly advice that get's me ahead.*


 I give you lots of credit for recognizing and standing against what an awful example this was..in your own Father.. you are NO Chip off the old Block Hambone!!


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Perhaps folks should date longer before they get married. Helps to know the person better *after* the happy pills wear off. 

By then the maturity of it all has a chance to kick in - and - both are more likely to be older and wiser.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Loved Bridge's question "what age did you marry"
> 
> Made me think what people would say about what age they should have married or recommend others to marry.
> 
> I think 30 for him and 28 for her for earliest age.


Whatever "age" you are not self-centered anymore.

Because marriage is really about "we" instead of "me."


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Not until you are able to stand on your own four feet as an independent family entity, not an extension of some other family. At whatever age that occurs.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I don’t think age of marriage makes much of a difference. I think it has more to do with circumstances of marriage. Most people these days who marry very young, 16-20, marry due to an unplanned pregnancy. They did not start off prepared for marriage and are probably immature and lacking in self control.
Most people do not evaluate potential mates before dating. In fact, a lot of people date for the fun of it or someone they can connect with without considering that the person they marry will be someone they have dated. When dating, it would be good for people to determine if the people they date have similar values, life goals, plans for the future, are financially prepared, have good boundaries and conflict resolution skills, etc. But that rarely happens. Rather than adding this logic to dating relationships, they get emotionally attached to someone that isn’t really a suitable partner for marriage. They end up marrying someone who they feel good about, but haven’t really considered whether that person would make a good spouse or not, based on the above criteria. Then they end up married to someone who is not really a good fit, because they marry based on feelings and leaving the logic out of it. It is just as easy to fall in love with someone who meets the logical criteria for a good mate as it is to fall in love with someone who is not. Better to weed out the poor matches early on, before the relationship becomes serious.
When people are more particular and thoughtful about who they date and therefore who they marry, it is more likely that the marriage will last and be happier. Of course feelings count, but it is better to have a standard and fall in love with someone who meets that standard.
I think that for many couples it is good to marry young, 20-24, than to wait. Shared goals, dreams and life experiences can build a lasting, deep relationship. When a couple plans together for their future and works to build it together, it can result in a satisfying, life long marriage.
I don’t think most people really mature that much or quickly in terms of how they relate to others. Not unless they are really working on building good relationship skills. I don’t see people in their 40’s with much better relationship skills than many of the young people I know.
My kids are a lot more mature than I was at their ages. I have taught them the things that took me years of adulthood to understand, so they are light years ahead of where I was at their ages; thankfully. I would have no problem with my children marrying by the time they are 20, if they are prepared to support themselves and if they have goals and plans for how they are going to manage. Not all of them will be prepared to do that, since they each have a different path. One of my children will marry at 20 and will be well prepared and finished with college at that time. I don’t think my other children will be finished with their education at that age, so they will likely marry later than that.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

DH and I married when I was 20 and he was 21. We've had issues in our relationship, but not nearly as many as others we've known who married in their late twenties. I would go back and wait at least a year if I could do it again, but I would still marry the same man.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

75


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

Americans are marrying far less and waiting much longer before taking the plunge.

The marriage rate has dropped to one-third of what it was in 1920
The average age of first marriage has jumped almost six years, to 27, since 1950
More than a third of married couples meet online

Study: Americans are marrying far less and waiting much longer before taking the plunge | Mail Online


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Before one asks what age should one marry, one should ask:

Should one really get married? And before one even asks whether one should get married, one should ask:

What is the number one cause of divorce?


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

5 Good Reasons To Get Married While You're Young, According To Research

I was 22 and wife just turned 21 when we got hitched. I look at kids today and can't believe I got married so young!


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