# Scared to start over



## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I am meeting with a lady who sent me a message on Match.com.

I know my marriage is over.. it will be 9 months separated on the 17. 

What if I like her.. how do you shake the guilt of your marriage ending and starting something with someone new. 

I have got so used to how my ex liked to be touched..talked to..etc.

I was the one that was dumped so I am either going to grow old alone or try to find a new partner.

This sucks.. 

I'm excited but I feel guilty a.. and the guilt is what is killing me. 

My friend told me that i'm gonna met a woman that is gonna rock my world and I will easily forget my ex. I'm just having a heck of a time getting to that point.

Any suggestions?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

I hear us,that will be a challenging day for me too if/when it comes. Just remember it's a meeting, not marriage, not sex, you might even find out your not that compatible. Have some fun, be yourself, and remember you don't have to impress her, at least no yet. Good luck


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I keep thinking that someone always needs a friend... if there isn't spark maybe a great friendship will come out of it.

I don't think I will fully lose the guilt until the final paper is signed


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Do you still have hopes of a R? If not, after a "meeting" or two I think it will get easier. Let's hope.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Stupid internet. Deleted for repeat.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

We tried the R and she pulled the plug a second time. It's done.


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## Mike11 (Aug 25, 2011)

Jason Just remember how your STBX pulled this nasty R with you and wasted your time again and the angre will getr your going, the ultimate "revange" on yoru ex would be life lived well, get out there there are pleanty of fish in the sea, dont count on first date it takes time to find a good partner just relax, go out and enjoy the company


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Thanks...


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I am barely just into the process of entering into a divorce (wife initiated after her emotional affairs) and yet I am already looking at the prospect of starting over and realizing I am so far from being ready for that again. My fear is that I may end up only attracting women similar to my wife (the wild, untamed, passionate ones) and deal with the same dysfunctional dance unto death. So I think once we go our separate ways, I am going to take a long time to get that sorted out. We married very young, so we virtually grew up togther...which is why divorcing is killing me, but I must accept it and be willing to change to have a better future. I want to attract the best kind of relationships and people...and not have to stay this husk of a person and run into same scenarios.


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## Lebanon Levi (Mar 29, 2013)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> I keep thinking that someone always needs a friend... if there isn't spark maybe a great friendship will come out of it.
> 
> I don't think I will fully lose the guilt until the final paper is signed


Go for it. You aren't the one who should be feeling guilty.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Hey Jason. Life is not black and white so don't back yourself into a corner. Your options are open and you don't have to make any long term choices. You can date or not but you don't owe anything to your ex for sure. Be honest and upfront and sincere. Be a dad, be a boyfriend or not, and live your life.

Character is to man what carbon is to steel. Part of character is putting logic before emotion.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

So true.

My therapist is really helping me to see that I am a nice person, caring, and better than I have felt in years. 

Yet.... I keep thinking that since I can't shake the feeling i have for my ex, how can I be a good boyfriend.

Yet.... maybe meeting someone else will help me forget about her or how ****ty she treated me.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> So true.
> 
> My therapist is really helping me to see that I am a nice person, caring, and better than I have felt in years.
> 
> ...


Your definition of good boyfriend needs to change. Be honest tell her "I'm still conflicted over my ex". It's her choice then. You be honest straight and don't set expectations above what that.


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## Robrobb (Jun 18, 2010)

Don't freak out that you still feel guilty over your marriage. I'm a few months past the final judgement and still carry some guilt, and let's be honest, always will, but it hasn't stopped me from moving on to my next relationship. And despite my fears it's a good one. We've both been honest about what came before and things are working well.

The biggest issue with me - and perhaps with you - was one of confidence in myself. If you didn't plan the breakup so much of your self image gets destroyed it's hard to imagine feeling confident again - will I feel like a man? Will I seem desirable? Will I please the woman I'm with? Who will I be with in the dark, her or my ex? etc.

Here's the thing: no one can give you confidence but you. You have to make your own confidence. Dig deep, find something you still value about yourself and use it, let it grow. Do that and, when you need it, the confidence will be there.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Thanks... that is one of the issues. I have been working on self confidence. It is difficult. that is for sure.

My Therapist is being a big help in that...


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## QBall_1981 (Mar 19, 2013)

Sad, you deserve to go out and meet someone. I've read your previous posts, and you're a dynamite guy who's taking care of himself AND his daughters in amazing fashion.

I'm in a similar situation with two little girls (6 and 4) and your story pops in my head a few times a week.

Let STBXW go and enjoy the good energy.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Thank you... I am getting up the nerve to ask her again to go for coffee. 

Heck I might just invite her to the pizzeria while I work. Not the best first date but she will certainly see the real me.

She only lives 15 minutes away from my store.


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## punchlove (May 16, 2013)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> I am meeting with a lady who sent me a message on Match.com.
> 
> I know my marriage is over.. it will be 9 months separated on the 17.
> 
> ...



I understand your pain and confusion. I started to see someone after my wife wanted to be separated. I found out she moved on so I started to move on as well. While I was with this new person she made me feel good. She gave my everything I was missing mentally and physically. But at the end of the day all she did was distract me from all the hurt and sadness. I was not ready to move I just forced it because my wife moved on. Go into this with a open heart and open mind. I currently still have hope that my wife will come back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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