# When Betrayed Spouses of the Cheaters Get Together



## 111111 (Dec 22, 2012)

What is this called?

I dont seem to see anything much out on the net about it.....

What is it called - What do you think of the two betrayed spouses - the opposites of the two in the affair - getting together?
....particularly to be FWB, b/c let's face it, they are both in the situation to need it.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

111111 said:


> What is this called?
> 
> I dont seem to see anything much out on the net about it.....
> 
> ...


Are both actually dealing with there issues individually?

Or is this something they're doing to make themselves feel better?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

mutual self-medication?


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Sounds like fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Though, if they were both the disloyal ones, they'd call it true love and each other soulmate shmoopies.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Oh, Lon -- now I need to watch some schmoopie videos! :rofl:


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Lon made meatloaf so it's all his fault the two betrayed spouses are together now.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

111111 said:


> What is this called?


TAM


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

The Big Apology - YouTube

If I'd wanted meatloaf, I should have told you. And because I did not address that a long time ago, there are things you did and did not do, and then things happened to me that no one planned or wanted to have happen but happened anyway and now you have the divorce you wanted. Are you happy now?

Yes. 

And I will never have meatloaf again.

How upsetting for you.

:rofl: This always gets me. If STBXH saw I'd made meatloaf for dinner when he was dropping DS off, he'd always get extra friendly and comment about how good it looked. I'd always pretend I didn't notice and send him on his way. :rofl:


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

I wish you all the happiness you deserve. Bye, bye now.


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## 111111 (Dec 22, 2012)

I dont know about meatloaf...but Ive been working thru issues on my own & have actually done a bit of healing. Maybe that's why Im thinking about finding a "friend"..... He has not done much reconstruction - but then he hasnt suggested we 'get together' either....... I was the one just thinking about it - altho Id guess it's crossed his mind, too. How many months can a guy go? Afaik, he's not getting any anywhere else...


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I would think it could be a bit of an emotional minefield with the two of you, and memories of your respective exes, who are now with each other's exes...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

1, what's your story, are you the betrayed W? Are you separated? Reconciling? Divorcing?

Don't go seeking a revenge affair, it will just harm everyone more. If you can't forgive and if he isn't remorseful (repentant) then divorce and start living healthy, and when you are capable of relationship again go seek it. But this takes time, there is no rush.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

The only famous one I can think of is Shania Twain, I had to go look it up to be sure...



> Twain married music producer Robert John "Mutt" Lange on December 28, 1993, and they have a son, Eja (pronounced "Asia") D'Angelo, who was born on August 12, 2001. On May 15, 2008, a spokesperson for Mercury Nashville announced that Twain and Lange were separating after Lange allegedly had an affair with Twain's best friend, Marie-Anne Thiébaud. Their divorce was finalized on June 9, 2010. On December 20, 2010, Twain's manager confirmed that Twain was engaged to Frédéric Thiébaud (the Swiss ex-husband of her former best friend), an executive at Nestlé. They married on January 1, 2011 in Rincón, Puerto Rico.


The guy my wife seems to be unable to stay away from is married to a model, but she doesn't cook or clean apparently, so I'm not really looking to get into THAT at all... heh heh


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

111111 said:


> What is this called?


I call it "strange".

However, I do know of two couples (next door neighbors) who ended up w/ each others exes. 

The WW married the WH and they moved away.

BW and BH are not married, but they've been dating for about 3 years, and still live next door to each other.


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## 111111 (Dec 22, 2012)

Lon said:


> 1, what's your story, are you the betrayed W? Are you separated? Reconciling? Divorcing?
> 
> Don't go seeking a revenge affair, it will just harm everyone more. If you can't forgive and if he isn't remorseful (repentant) then divorce and start living healthy, and when you are capable of relationship again go seek it. But this takes time, there is no rush.


I am the betrayed wife - my ally: betrayed hub.
We are both divorcing - as the other combination has gone way too far for forgiveness & still are together!
They CLAIM they are soulmates thruout time forever & ever. (yet they have destroyed spouses, children, families, ext families, friends, coworkers, etc etc). I wonder HOW they can be happy???


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## doc_martin (Oct 19, 2012)

I would guess the "glue" that holds your relationship together is the pain and betrayal that was forced upon you both. I'm not sure I would want to live there for the duration of the relationship. I'd be much more inclined to start anew. Clean slate, so to speak. After working on the the things I may have done to help contribute to what went wrong. And I don't know you could do that if you are constantly telling each other how you did nothing to deserve what they did to you...


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## leftinva (Oct 4, 2012)

Interesting post, mainly because I find myself in a position similar to that of 11111. Throughout my exposure of my wife's affair with her husband to her, the BW has shown me that she has more grace in her little finger than my WW had in her entirety. We have gone from sad, pitiful BS's to a point where, while we still ruminate on the situation at times, we mostly discuss how our divorces are proceeding and the good things that are happening as we recover our lives. 
We live in a small town, yet I have never seen her in person save for our initial meeting. I find myself realizing that I have some of the most meaningful conversations I have with anybody are with her, and frankly, I am interested. 
Something tells me (my therapist?) that nothing should come of it, but I still am attracted, as I think we both want to start off with simply a companion. Any harm in that?


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## 111111 (Dec 22, 2012)

LEFTINVA ---
Do I know you already!!!???? 

 You sound just like my fellow BS! That is wild!


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## leftinva (Oct 4, 2012)

If I see you Friday, maybe so.


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## 111111 (Dec 22, 2012)

No, no plans for Fri. Y'all are meeting in person again finally Fri?

Give for a detail or two you gave, I would almost swear you were my partner in crime (fellow BS). 

Makes me interested in what BS "opposite of the affair" people are thinking & doing in relation to each other.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

111111 said:


> I am the betrayed wife - my ally: betrayed hub.
> We are both divorcing - as the other combination has gone way too far for forgiveness & still are together!
> They CLAIM they are soulmates thruout time forever & ever. (yet they have destroyed spouses, children, families, ext families, friends, coworkers, etc etc). I wonder HOW they can be happy???



*Cheaters = selfish ..*


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## leftinva (Oct 4, 2012)

I am going to attend a function at which the BW is a volunteer.
We have, frankly, defied the odds of not running into each other before now, as we live in proximity. Like I said earlier, we are in a smaller town (but obviously not that small). Our soon-to-be exes both work in other towns now, hopefully that will be permanent. We have purposefully avoided contact up till now, both of us are tired of that. I think. We joked about having a grand dinner upon date of legal freedom, but really just want to get on with life as acquaintances now, spouses be damned.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Uncanny how many similarities there are here on TAM, huh?


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## leftinva (Oct 4, 2012)

Ok, i take that last sentence back.


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## 111111 (Dec 22, 2012)

Last sentence....
That's funny.

After several months, Im wondering why BH hasnt mentioned anything more.

1-He wants to stay away until all is final?
2-He just has too much respect for me & thinks I wouldnt want to get together?
3-He's impotent? 
4-He just isnt interested.

No offense, but wouldnt the idea most probably be on his mind? It's sure been on mine a lot the past few months!


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

May he has been thinking about it, but just too shy to ask. 

Personally, I would have asked you out for dinner at the very least. 

But that's just me, lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## leftinva (Oct 4, 2012)

I would guess #1. 
Probably wanting to start anything new with a clean slate, as do I.
I took my marriage vows very seriously and intend to honor them until they have been rendered void by the court. I have never compromised my values throughout this whole ordeal, and see no reason to start now.


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## 111111 (Dec 22, 2012)

No - I do not think he's shy. 
Yes - very good about not compromising vows.

He is very vindictive. Very angry still. Ive gotten tons of help for myself & continue to. He hasnt. In fact, I think Im really the only person he talks to = other than the BW who still lives in his house. So, no, it is not good that he is not getting help. And it is not good, probably, that Im his only confidant (thus far, after many months) ...guess a bond is built there, however. (he hasnt told his fam/friends yet, b/c he doesnt want them to worry - wants to wait until it's official!) I, on the other hand, have told everyone & reach out for support - i guess women are more like that? But doesnt he get horny still???

Amazingly, even w/his anger tho - he still will not sell out his wife - telling her secrets, saying bad things abt her ...........altho he's clearly not happy w/her actions. So that is amazing. 

He DID tell me not long ago that I should feel free to tell him anything on my heart/mind & feel secure it's betw. the two of us. (I dont tho -b/c I dont know him well enough to trust him....esp having just been betrayed by my WH!) BUT - I wondered if that was/was not an alludement to a closer relationship? but then there's been nothing like that since.

I guess I am interested. Havent admitted it so much - until today - w/you guys.


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

This happened to my mother and father. My father had many affairs. my mother Divorced him and never looked back his last AP was with a couple they had been friends with for a long time. well in dealing with their betrayals they fell in love and got married they stayed married until his death after 35 years of marriage. my mother has not and will never look at another man again.

When my father found out she was single he contacted her, she still wanted to do nothing with her ex my father.


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## 111111 (Dec 22, 2012)

That's neat. 

Ive REALLY wondered abt this subject of what happens w/the two betrayeds. Googled around & really havent been able to come up w/any stories out there of what happens - typically? or at all?

Cool story.

GLAD this thread has suddenly taken off again! I havent had anyone to compare this situation to - until now. It's been months since my betrayed cohort & I found eachother.


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