# To what extent does passion &amp; desire fade?



## Elk87 (Oct 8, 2012)

My wife of 8 years told me this weekend that the spark just isn't there, because after being together as a couple for 10 years & having sex 100's/1,000's of time, it's just impossible to keep the sexual excitement alive.

I'm not necessarily looking for advice on winning her desire & passion back, as that's already on plenty of other topics, but I _am wondering if what she said is true. Do most women struggle with this?_


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't know about most women but I disagree about the 'impossible' part of this. Yes it takes effort but it can be done. It's all a matter of how important this is to you.

I'm a woman who has been married for 21 years. This is important to me/both of us so we work at keeping the 'spark' there. Everyday we put forth the effort. Anything less is just an excuse.


----------



## Elk87 (Oct 8, 2012)

At the risk of sounding full of myself, I should add that I'm in good shape, have good hygiene & am a good Christian-centered husband & father. I've always done things to let my wife know, verbal & non-verbal, that I'm attracted to her, love her as a friend & spouse, enjoy sex & all that good stuff.

I could completely understand if sexual feelings fade because a partner doesn't take care of themselves physically or if they are cruel, a cheater, detached, etc. That's not part of this equation.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

In my marriage the roles were reversed. It was my husband who would have said the spark wasn't there but what he was really saying is I wasn't a priority to him. Wasn't until I began calling him on this and facing the truth that things changed. I was done with his excuses.

And like you I was in good shape, thin, took good care of my appearance, was a good wife (I worked at this too), etc. That wasn't our problem.


----------



## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

monkeyboy said:


> At the risk of sounding full of myself, I should add that I'm in good shape, have good hygiene & am a good Christian-centered husband & father. I've always done things to let my wife know, verbal & non-verbal, that I'm attracted to her, love her as a friend & spouse, enjoy sex & all that good stuff.
> 
> I could completely understand if sexual feelings fade because a partner doesn't take care of themselves physically or if they are cruel, a cheater, detached, etc. That's not part of this equation.


You have said that you let your wife know that you are attracted to her. Perhaps adjust that to let her know that she is attractive. Point out things that make her feel special. There is a difference. How much quality time do you spend with each other doing things for just the two of you? Romance her like you are courting her if you don't already.

To answer IMO what your orignal question was. A great deal of Men and Women on this forum struggle with what she refers to as the "spark".


----------



## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

My wife has pretty much told me the same thing in other words. She has started to express her interest in other men. She still loves me, she is still attracted to me, but she is bored with the same old same old. I have to admit, she really doesn't do much to keep it very exciting herself for me and I have felt this way for a long time. I have never personally had the desire to have sex with someone else, fantasies yes but the strong urge, no. 

Anyway not the same.. but we have our own issues as well. She was abused as a child and has shown this pattern her whole life where she will get bored. We have been trying to see a therapist, well I should say I have been trying to get her to go but she seems to think that it's not that important.

Anyway, I think it happens more often than not. I think it really depends on the woman and her mindset as well. I would try everything to keep trying to romance her, court her all over again as others have said. Just keep an eye out, and I do not mean to say this to be mean but keep an eye on her to make sure nothing shady is going on.


----------

