# I am losing my mind, help!!



## evondavis1 (Nov 29, 2012)

Help! This will be a long post, so I apologize. I need help, I am going through so much right now



Ex and I were together 7 years, have a 3 year old son, a home, dogs, family intertwined, and we did own a business until this last December. Back in August, we had broke up, he was emotionally unavailable, was texting ex girlfriends behind my back, and did not treat me well, constantly blew me off for every occasion that I had to go to. In fact, he always told me I need medication and I am sick in the head. We were never married, but it was basically a marriage without the ceremony. Shared accounts, business, family, everything…..



So in august, he moved out. The breakup was my idea. He left, and one week later, he met a girl, 13 years younger. During this time, I was begging him to come back and make an effort, to stop blowing me off, and try again for our family. I loved this man, was 1000000% committed, and sacrificed everything to make him happy. I became so depressed and my self esteem was shot when I was with him. He never showed any appreciation. We were still running the business, as hard as that was. You can’t go completely NC when you have a child and business….I told him not to do anything to mess with the business and family. He promised. Then a week later, his new girlfriend was driving around in the truck we owned (We had a trucking company) then I made him promise not to introduce any girls to our son, he promised, a week later, she was hanging out with my son and ex. They dated for 6 weeks, with him still coming by, and our long chats, him crying at times, me crying all the time…..so 6 weeks after we broke up, he took off, in our truck to Las Vegas and eloped. Not one person knew, in fact, nobody met her. I had it, I started to dissolve the company. Once he got married he became a monster, accused me of being a bad mom, mentally insane, that I need a straight jacket, that his wife will be a better mother than me, I am a disgusting pig, my parents are disgusting, etc….



It has been 6 months since this madness started. He called me around New Years, to tell me she got “accidently” pregnant, and he is not happy about it. In fact, every conversation we have had for the last 6 months is him telling me he is not happy, that he would have stayed with me if I didn’t kick him out, that it was my fault that he started a new life and chose this path for him. In fact, last week he said “of course I would live my family back, and that I was happy before, expect that I ruined his life because every time we went out, and he let lose, I would get upset or there would be a problem” This is the most selfish thing I have ever heard in my life. Then he went on to say “that it’s all too late, because he started a new family, and that his wife is a cool chick and they never fight” Great reason to get married, not once has he said he is in love or she is the one, or anything else.



Now here is where it gets worse. I live in a 3 flat, his mom’s building….his mother on top floor, me in the middle, his brother on the bottom. I have been trying to move out, but financially I am stuck because of the debt caused by the business. 10’s of thousands in debt. His mom and I get along very well, she watches my son on some days. I understand this is his family building, but I am talking about boundaries. Obviously, from reading above, he doesn’t have boundaries or common sense. Yesterday was the ex’s day to have his son, I come home, and his wife’s car is in the driveway. I went crazy, I was pushed to the limit. I told him he is sick in the head, that he doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings. I am ashamed that I reacted this way. We argued for 20 minutes, he wanted to revisit the past again and I stopped him. I have had enough, he kept asking what did I expect to happen when we broke up.



In January I hired an attorney to handle child support and custody, my ex has ignored and is refusing to cooperate. Last night I told him that he will not see his son, until he handles the court docs, that he has F’d with me enough. Then I told him that I am no longer going to split the loss of the company, and he should be responsible for all the debt. I had to dissolve it because of the crazy choices he has made, so why should I suffer? Why am I to blame for all of this?



So hurt, please help. I cannot believe what has been happening, and it is only going to get worse!


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

evondavis1 said:


> Last night I told him that he will not see his son, until he handles the court docs, that he has F’d with me enough.


Yeah, punish your son by using him as a manipulive tool by keeping him from his father, that's reeeallly nice. And illegal.

Keep the boy out of your mess, it's not his fight.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

ED - I know the feelings you are experiencing. I advise you to work with your attorney to determine exactly what yours and his rights are regarding child visitation at this point. Restricting access could be seen as parental alienation and be used against you later. Get the facts from your lawyer and proceed accordingly.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

soca70 said:


> ED - I know the feelings you are experiencing. I advise you to work with your attorney to determine exactly what yours and his rights are regarding child visitation at this point. Restricting access could be seen as parental alienation and be used against you later. Get the facts from your lawyer and proceed accordingly.


I totally agree with Soca.

You spoke in anger when you threatened to withhold your son. Understandable, but try not to let it happen again. He is a bigtime blameshifter and will use anything he can against you. Get proper legal agreements. Then if he breaks them let the course handle it.

I don’t know the law where you live, but here if a couple has lived together for seven years they are considered to be in a commonlaw marriage and I believe a lot of the legalities that apply to marriage apply to them. You really need legal advice. (If things are the same in your country, it makes one wonder about the status his marriage, although commonlaw relationships may not mean bigamy if one partner marries someone else. Anyway, worth looking into)

It doesn’t sound like you are falling into the pit of believing him when he says everything is your fault. Good for you.


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## evondavis1 (Nov 29, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> I totally agree with Soca.
> 
> You spoke in anger when you threatened to withhold your son. Understandable, but try not to let it happen again. He is a bigtime blameshifter and will use anything he can against you. Get proper legal agreements. Then if he breaks them let the course handle it.
> 
> ...


Yes, I agree with you. I was speaking out of anger. My ex can make my blood boil with just a simple hello. I have to learn to control that. When you are in the trenches, you can only think of survival mode. Of course I won't take him away from my son, that would only cause more damage. They adore each other, and the ex only has him 4 days a months as it is. My biggest problem here are the boundaries. My ex is constantly crossing them with no regards, but only with himself. 

I wish we could get along, I wish this wasn't happening....how can you just let it all go, and how does it not affect my life? This was my partner/best friend who did all this. He could have handled it maturely.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If he could handle things maturely, he probably would be your husband, not your ex... Just sayin'

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

PBear said:


> If he could handle things maturely, he probably would be your husband, not your ex... Just sayin'
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



True. 

A legal agreement will at least force him to behave in a mature manner, whether he is that or not.


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