# day 1 of separation



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

today i talked to my ex husband to be. He called to check up on me. we had a nice conversation. last night on facebook I made it to where I don't see his posts and vice versa. He was wondering what was up with that. I told him I wasn't mad or anything. I just thought that we were in 2 different places at the moment (he---getting on with his life....and me-----trying to come to terms that this is really happening) and I am not prepared yet to see him or his friends commenting on whatever on facebook. He understood. He was actually on his way to go get the boys at his mom's house and then take him back to his new apt. and investigate the area. they are spending the night and I will be picking them up tomorrow after my therapy session. we have agreed to try to make this a positive thing when they are around. like i have said to my husband before...i know what we had is not able to be put back together...ever. I did however say that i would like to start a "NEW" relationship starting out as friends...and even take that slow. He agreed and said...real slow. i am still not eating or sleeping very well...still feel like i am in a very dense fog. But this morning i did say to myself that i somehow have to put the pieces of my new life together. and for my kids. definately not what I want...but I have to deal with i have. hubby did ask what my plans were as for where and when i will move...told him not sure yet...right now i can only focus on today.


----------



## TheLostGoodGuy (Nov 1, 2010)

Day one was the hardest for me. When I moved out she took me off her facebook because I was reaching out for my family friends and she told me she didnt want to see that crap. She also took me off her friends list on other things as well. Says she wants me to leave her alone completely. Here we are 2 months later and there has been a lot of ups and downs. When I first moved out she was done forever and then after a month she was considering everything and I couldnt keep my mouth shut so we are back at day one again. She says she is done and we are not getting back together. She has kept all of my family members on her facebook page and mutual friends so if she was up to no good i will know. The only thing I can say the hurt does go away but it turns into anger and then into desperation. I am about done with this point and I am in the final stages of just letting go. The old cliche If you love something let it go if it comes back its meant to be. I am guilty of not wanting to let go.


----------



## Talias (Dec 22, 2010)

Geez... I can feel my heart crushing while reading this... We've been basically "separated" under the same roof now for a week. I start my new job in <2 weeks, so I will have to move 3hrs away for that. Our original plan was to do just that, and she and the kids would come down at the end of the school year. Now, however, my moving down there is going to be a trial separation. We've had some long conversations over the last week, but they all end up with me blubbering, and her calmly saying that she's sorry I'm hurting, but she doesn't know where we'll be in 6 months. She says she wants to take her time deciding, so she's certain she'll make the right decision. Then last night, she told me that I'm free to date when I leave. She said she doesn't want or need to know about it unless I sleep with someone, b/c she'll want me tested if that happens and we end up back together. I have no desire to date anyone, and just want to save my marriage. I want to spend my off days with my family, and get things ready for them to move in with me in 6 months! I have no desire to have my kids grow from a broken home, nor do I want to abandon the future of growing old with my wife. I love her dearly, as well as her family! I have nooooo clue as to how I'm going to make it through this separation! Ugh!


----------



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

before my husband left yesterday....we made plans to meet for dinner in 2 months. see where we both are, as we will then have 8 sessions of therapy on our own. I said that maybe after 17 years of marriage...we need a break....we both lost sight of what a marriage was supposed to be. I would love nothing more than to get a second chance. However, little comments made here and there, make it seem like i just need to accept the fact that he wants a divorce. He even made the comment that if I were to get asked out on a date during these 2 months apart...that I should go. It would be healthy. I told him I wasnt ready to talk about that. But that comment made me think that he wants to be able to do that. He said he doesn't want me to wait these 2 months and hope that we will get back together. I am so lost and confused. I don't know what I need to do. any ideas?


----------



## TheLostGoodGuy (Nov 1, 2010)

My wife told me the samething that she didnt care if I dated or not. But threw in the whole thing if I sleep with someone then its over forever. I think it is away for them to justify their actions. Liek if they are seeing someone else they wont have to live with the guilt anymore because they are doing the same thing. But sometimes it is a test of the heart. Being deployed to Iraq three times I would go almost a year with not a touch from the opposite sex to only being home 6-9 months to leave again. Sex is only one part of a marriage while love and trust are what is the important parts. The only reason I can even fathom being with someone else is that I want to feel wanted on some sort of level even if just is physical. But then I think would I want her doing the same thing.


----------



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

I kinda thought the same thing. Almost as if they are asking for your permission to date others. I am just so not ready for that...on my part or his. but we are no longer together...so i guess he is free to do what he wants.


----------



## Talias (Dec 22, 2010)

She said she wasn't looking to date, either (not even me right now), yet.... Oh, hell, I have no clue what is going on or what will soon transpire in my marriage! Maybe I'll be able to get some stuff cleared up once I start going to counseling!


----------



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

same here. i am lucky to know what way is up anymore.


----------



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

My wife and I were at my big family's Christmas get to gether, one of the few times we've been together since she left 2 months ago...an ex-BIL showed up with his girlfriend...my wife said maybe next year she would show up with a boyfriend...I asked who her boyriend was and she said "you"...

I can't figure this chit out...she goes a week or so without talking to me, then calls me her boyfriend, then I go another week without hearing from her...


----------



## harri45 (Dec 30, 2010)

I am now day 4 of my husband walking out the day before my birthday. I have no idea where he is, other than he told our teenage son he was travelling about 100 miles to a friend's. We had a lovely Christmas, our 20th together and I thought the tough times we were going through were passing. He woke up in the morning cuddled me, kissed me and made love to me. We spent the day together shopping then he packed a bag and just left??? Cannot even face day 5.


----------



## Talias (Dec 22, 2010)

Well, the move-out day is FAST approaching, and DW seems to be getting further and further removed. I still end up breaking down at the possibility of divorce, but I'm doing what I can to try being calm. I don't want to assist pushing her away with my repeated breakdowns, especially with her businesslike demeanor. She claims that she's made no decision, but it feels like she's already let me go. More than that, it's almost as if she's calmly ushering me out. Is this just paranoia on my part, or is it normal to close off emotions until she gets her space from the actual physical separation? I told her that I'll let her control contact once we're PS'd. Is there any hope for my marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

Gosh, why is this happening so much, to so many people?? Is it just too easy to walk away? I think after my husband told me a week before Christmas that he has lost love for me, then he realized that he would have to tell people, and really try to figure out how to be around me, since we have two kids, it hit him that maybe that is not what he wants. I told him I loved him and that I would expect that we do some hard work on this marriage before I let it end. He took that to his therapist who set us up with a Marriage counselor. We go for the first visit this week, I hope it helps. He is still in the house and we are hanging out (no kissing or sex) but otherwise just like always. It is very hard for me, cause I am a kisser, hugger, toucher. I sneak them in once in a while, but no moves from him except a kiss at midnight on New Years, cause he says he is still not sure and doesn't want to send the wrong message


----------

