# Sexting? Just found out it was 2 years ago...



## turbo (Mar 24, 2011)

I've lurked here for a while, but I decided I needed to post. 

My wife and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We are high school sweethearts with a 4 month old and I love them both very much.

My wife just recently told me that she had a sexting affair with a man about two years ago. He's not just some other man but he's is the only "friend" I have. (we just moved here a couple years ago)

It turns out that this whole affair happened before we became friends. The four of us (him and his wife and me and my wife) have been very good friends this entire time. Clearly it's all been a big lie. 

Recently at my wife's job there have been rumors about them being together. (he was her manager and his wife is her manager now) My wife told me because "she didn't want me to hear it from someone else". She says she wanted to tell me sooner and but never had the courage and that she was going to tell me even if the rumors hadn't surfaced, but I don't believe her. 

I NEVER would have thought she was capable of this. I just don't get it. She's not the lying type. She's literally lied to my face about this many times looking back. The other guy actually did the same sexting affair with other co-workers and got caught by his wife. My wife actually had the balls to comfort his wife and help her through it all the while telling me how horrible of a guy he was for doing that to her. 

Her story isn't very straight and she can't tell me how long it lasted. I'm not sure where to go from here. I love her and I don't want her to leave. I want things to go back to normal, but at the same time I don't. I want to be mad at her. I want her to hurt the way I do. I actually feel bad for her, and I don't think that's fair. 

Any thoughts? Thanks for listening.


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## HungUp (Feb 26, 2011)

I'm sorry you've found yourself having to come here.

Since lurking for a bit I guess you've already read that a cheater will nearly always lie about what they've done, are still doing and how far it all went. My wife now openly tells me that she deliberately told me lies trying to play down all what I was finding out (by my own investigations etc.). Your wife will not likely be any different.

I wish I could say you should believe her, but from my (and plenty others) experience then there is often MUCH more to what a spouse first 'confesses' to. Especially as it sounds like she only confessed as she realised you were possibly going to hear from an outside source - she must've realised that would be much worse for her, and how you may find a possible 'real' truth. Again, damage limitation.
Their 'want' is for you to never find out anything so they can keep up their secret lives.

To me it sounds like if your wife continues working at the same place then it would be very difficult for you (and her in her own way I guess). No contact and all that!

I'd personally say that if her story doesn't sound very straight then there is more. It's up to you to decide whether you would prefer to risk finding out a potential 'truth' - I dug deeper and found out more truths, and it was very difficult to deal with. I felt it was better than always wondering though.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

turbo said:


> Recently at my wife's job there have been rumors about them being together. (he was her manager and his wife is her manager now) My wife told me because "she didn't want me to hear it from someone else". She says she wanted to tell me sooner and but never had the courage and that she was going to tell me even if the rumors hadn't surfaced, but I don't believe her.
> .



That is exactly how I found out. Only problem with that is this: She only told you what she thinks she would get caught for. 

My first marriage ended because of my spouses affair, so when i got married the second time, I looked my wife in the eye and said " Promise me one thing... Leave me, no explanation needed, just leave me, before you have an affair". She had made that promise 100 times in our marriage and guess what? Second wife cheated. 

And guess what, My wife actually sat there and let me talk to this guys wife, trying to convience her that he wasnt cheating on her.. i didnt know the person he was cheating with was my wife. how messed up is that? 

You THOUGHT your wife was an honest person. You THOUGHT your wife would never do that. You were Wrong. Now you know who you are married to, a person capable of this. For over half your marriage She has been this person. She didnt "become" this way, she was always this way, you just didnt know. 

If a person is going to cheat, then you cant stop them. It is as thought fate gives you the finger and says " you chose wrong"


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

turbo said:


> My wife just recently told me that she had a sexting affair with a man *about two years ago*.
> 
> *
> Recently at my wife's job there have been rumors about them being together.* (he was her manager and his wife is her manager now) My wife told me because *"she didn't want me to hear it from someone else".*


Do you see the inconsistency here? 
You can't believe a cheater. Cheaters lie.

My money is on the fact that the affair started two years ago and has been ongoing and the wife called her out on it and your wife decided to tell you before the wife did. 

As for him cheating with colleagues in the past, I am guessing she was that colleague and is gas-lighting you.

He is not your friend. No friend f*cks his friend's wife. 

Call the OM's wife and talk about it with her. I bet she has a lot she can tell you about this.


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## turbo (Mar 24, 2011)

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it. 

This is all stuff I probably knew but just didn't want to believe. I have talked to the OM's wife. She was our friend. I feel bad for her because my wife and her were close "friends". Obviously not. She clued me in to some other lies. 

The thing is, this isn't the first time he has done this. He's cheated on her many times, but it seems like this is the last time she's going to let it happen. They are splitting up this time, and I commend her for that. 

As for my wife, I'm inclined to give her a second chance, but it's going to come with a price. Things are going to have to change and we are going to have to see a counselor. I do love her.. I just don't understand.

Thanks again for your responses. I'll keep in touch and let you know what happens.


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