# I’ve had enough



## Florabear1615 (11 mo ago)

I stumbled onto this website after the final final final FINAL straw with my husband of almost of 7 years (together 13 years). We have two kids, ages 2 and 6, and I am a stay at home mom to them both.

I do my best, I really do. But he is the most controlling man I have ever met in my life. I could go on with abuse over the course of years but tonight he told me that our kids are better off in daycare because I have the TV on too much and that i am essentially a non present mom. I am absolutely devastated. He has said SO much worse to me (calling me a *****, the c word, useless, ignorant, stupid- you name it). But this one tonight hit me hard because my sole purpose right now is being a mom.

Do they watch more tv than I’d like? Probably. We are 2 years into a pandemic and I’m tired and anxious and quite frankly, maybe a little depressed. He has tiptoed around calling me a bad mom over the years for trivial things, but this just gutted me. We have talked divorce here and there but right now I want out. I don’t feel supported or appreciated at ALL. How do I even go from here?


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

When I think back to those times… my darn kids just wouldn’t sit at the tv long enough 😆 I mean, what kids really even sit there still and quiet for hours? It shows he has little understanding of being at home any time with kids, let alone during a pandemic.

Sorry it’s come to this, I’m always saddened when couples have little respect for what each person’s role is. When the men think a sahm just sits all day, and feels the right to abuse her for it, and when the women scream and carry on as soon as a tired husband walks in the door, because they feel they’re more exhausted by the pretty thankless task of raising little kids.

The language is terrible… how else is he controlling and abusing you?


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Florabear1615 said:


> How do I even go from here?


If divorce is the way then consult with a lawyer to find out your options. Just follow the lawyers advice!

I'm pro-marriage and have to ask, have you and he tried counseling? Marriage and/or Individual?

His abusive statements don't bode well for your long term happiness with him unless he can really change to a more respectful and loving footing. 
But if there's a chance he could change, would you want that? Or are you past that point already?


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Florabear1615 said:


> *We have talked divorce here and there but right now I want out. I don’t feel supported or appreciated at ALL. How do I even go from here?*


Go see a lawyer and see what a divorce would look like in your particular situation.

Educate yourself. The worst thing so many women do is make foolish decisions based on fear and ignorance of the law or based on some stupid comment/threat their husbands made. DON'T be one of these foolish women. Get to a lawyer and find out what you can reasonably expect under the law in your state or county.

Next, I'd start polishing up my resume and realistically looking at what I might be qualified to do in the job market.

You married an abusive ass-hole - but you already know that. You don't need to *disrespect *yourself for the next 15-20 years staying with said ass-hole just so you can feel all noble and claim that you sacrificed your happiness and self-worth by staying until both your kids were off to college.


----------



## redmarshall (11 mo ago)

Just to add as a counter point, it seems you've harbored the resentment of the abuse and the last straw came with the particular statement. However, you do have to tackle the other issues, you have to calmly tell him, that the abuse, words or otherwise are not ok, and that will eventually reach a point from where there is no coming back. Don't make it a threat but a statement. Having totally devoted yourself to your kids, it can be harsh to hear anything against that, especially when you're under appreciated. You have to make it point that considering the circumstances, you're doing fine. In your opinion, how is he as a father?


----------

