# Help with SIL Relationship



## Kaymorgan (Sep 11, 2019)

My brother-in-law's wife was immediately critical of me and competitive with me from the minute he brought her home to meet everyone. I've tried to let it go, ignore it, and move on because it was all very petty and silly (ie snarky comment about my engagement ring and then hers is the same but a different metal, comment on how my rug isn't cute but then a year later she owns the same rug, criticism for being a working mom, so just silly things not worth getting annoyed over). Meanwhile, since they started dating my BIL stopped spending time with my husband. Despite the drama over the past few years (saying it hurt her feelings that I paid too much attention to my baby rather than making time for her when she first met me, calling my SIL accusing her of liking me more and not being fair, telling off my in laws when they expressed concern over getting engaged so quickly), we've tried to just let things cool off and continue to invite them to do things as a group and one-on-one, and things have finally started to get better. 

I received a text message from my BIL's wife really late at night saying how much she missed us, really wanted to see us, and asking when we were free to hang out. The text was filled with several emojis and hearts and she has never asked us to hang out ever, so it kind of threw me off but I responded with when we were free. It has now been over a week and she hasn't texted me back. In that week my husband has texted his brother twice asking him to play soccer and to go out to dinner. My BIL said no to both, but we were hoping that those invitations would also serve as a reminder to "them" (they constantly remind us all that a text to/from one of them is really a text to/from both of them) that they hadn't texted me back. 

Do I text or call her again asking how she is doing and when they can get together? Do I just continue waiting for her to respond (maybe she regrets sending the text and doesn't really want to see us)? 

We're excited they've finally been the ones to reach out to us and we really want our relationship with them to improve, but I don't want to be too enthusiastic and freak her out. My husband and his brother are twins that were nearly inseparable up until he met his wife. Even when my husband and I were dating, I spent more time with the both of them than I did with just my husband. So the last few years have been very difficult on my husband, and he and I are trying to do everything possible to improve our relationship with them.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Kaymorgan said:


> ...telling off my in laws when they expressed concern over getting engaged so quickly....


Who told who off? I'm confused!

Anyway, when you and your husband got married, it was to start a ''new'' family unit. I understand the closeness that twins have, but it wasn't fair to be a virtual threesome with BIL (not sexually, obviously!).

Cut the cord and live your life. 

My $0.02, I could be wrong.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Kay, no they are not playing with a full deck. Enjoy you husband, meet the needs of your baby, let it bond with both of you and Defend you H and stand by him. Don't let the negativity of his bro or SIL, dampen your world Misery loves company,


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## Kaymorgan (Sep 11, 2019)

Sorry for the confusion. For more clarification, BIL's wife was mad at me for being too invested in my newborn rather than her when she first met the whole family. She is upset with our husbands' sister for, in her opinion, liking me more. She also yelled at my in-laws when they expressed concern about them getting engaged after only knowing each other for a few months.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Kaymorgan said:


> Sorry for the confusion. For more clarification, BIL's wife was mad at me for being too invested in my newborn rather than her when she first met the whole family. She is upset with our husbands' sister for, in her opinion, liking me more. She also yelled at my in-laws when they expressed concern about them getting engaged after only knowing each other for a few months.


ah, thanks for clarification.

SIL likes drama, I'd suggest staying as far away as possible from her realm of influence, and sanity will reign.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Kaymorgan said:


> Sorry for the confusion. For more clarification, BIL's wife was mad at me for being too invested in my newborn rather than her when she first met the whole family. She is upset with our husbands' sister for, in her opinion, liking me more. She also yelled at my in-laws when they expressed concern about them getting engaged after only knowing each other for a few months.


The late night text is what I would be concerned about. How do you know that she hasn’t shown your reply to her husband without telling him that she asked you to hang out first, and then letting him think that you messaged her with times and dates that she had to adhere to. 
She’s making it look like you were telling her “these are the times that I need you to be available, otherwise we can’t hang out”.
You’re husband needs to talk to his brother and explain a few things to him before he’s estranged from his entire family.


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## Kaymorgan (Sep 11, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> Kaymorgan said:
> 
> 
> > Sorry for the confusion. For more clarification, BIL's wife was mad at me for being too invested in my newborn rather than her when she first met the whole family. She is upset with our husbands' sister for, in her opinion, liking me more. She also yelled at my in-laws when they expressed concern about them getting engaged after only knowing each other for a few months.
> ...


I didn't even think about that. That's a really good point.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cray cray......


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

Is it possible she was drunk texting? Did you reply that night or the next day?


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## Kaymorgan (Sep 11, 2019)

Bluesclues said:


> Is it possible she was drunk texting? Did you reply that night or the next day?


I wondered that too. I didn't respond until the next morning because I was already asleep. That's why I'm hesitant to text her again.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't text her again. Let it go.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

You are worried for your husband, I get it. I feel bad for him, but his pain has you not thinking clearly. Read your complaints again. 
Who gets mad because someone is more invested in their child than talking to you? 
I’ll take it a step further, who lets said parent find out they feel his way?
Who worries about not being the most liked by someone else?

You also point out she is critical and likes to play “my dog is bigger than your dog.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

She sounds like a whack job to be truthful.

I would screen shirt both her text to you and your reply, and send them to your brother in law, say something like "Just following up on this, I replied to SIL but I don't think she received it" or something like that. Then leave it.


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