# husband's male bff is in love with him



## Housewifeinstruggle (Sep 4, 2012)

I'm the only one he feels comfortable talking to about this. My husband and his long time best friend have been close for almost 20yrs. We've been together almost 9. The best friend tells me he is just truly in love with him and he hopes later on down the line, the two of them can have a casual relationship. He just popped the question to his fiance a WEEK ago. He says he loves his woman and just wants to give oral to my husband. Been thinking of him for a long time. There are more details to this. My husband doesn't know. We (3) have gotten together before. My husband wasn't as open to some of his attempts in the past. They've never had sex to my knowledge. I'm ok with it for some weird reason. I feel she should know before the wedding!! All I can picture is a sequel to Brokeback Mountain. I just want to watch, or don't tell me ANYTHING! What would you do? I need advice


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## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

I would tell her. She at least needs to know that he is bi-sexual, if she does not already.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

One word for that entire situation.............creepy; and I have a gay friend that knows 100% that I have no desire to swing that way nor do I try and convince him to get with a woman, but at least we fully know where each one of us stands in our friendship.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

If my buddy ever told me or my wife that he wants my mule in his mouth, that would be the end of the friendship.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

If any male friend ever told me that he was in love with my husband, or that he wanted to give my husband oral/have a casual fling with him one day...that would be the END to the friendship! I have to wonder what the purpose was in telling YOU and not YOUR HUSBAND. Seriously, if they have been friends for 20 years and you have "gotten together" as you put it, you would think he'd have no problem telling his friend how he feels. Then again, you said your husband hasn't been receptive to his attempts in the past. Perhaps he knows your husband will say no and he's trying to enlist your help. Either way, if it were my husband, I'd tell the friend to get out and don't come back.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

Housewifeinstruggle said:


> We (3) have gotten together before. My husband wasn't as open to some of his attempts in the past.


My understanding here is you had a threesome already then.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

I don't know what I would honestly say to my husband if a friend of his came to me professing his feelings for my husband. I would find the situation strange. I wouldn't find it threatening because my husband has never express that side of him. 

You had a 3-some with him. You've opened Pandora's box. Your husband has not express an interest to him that you know of. So I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Then, there is the fiance. Man or woman. This guy plans on cheating on her. It is a cold, deliberate act. She deserves to know the type of character of the man she is about to marry. Then, she can decide if she wants to go forward with the marriage or not.

All in all, I think that the friendship is over. I would treat it as if another woman came to me and profess her feelings for my husband to me.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Adex said:


> My understanding here is you had a threesome already then.


I think it was a threesome with someone other than her husband.


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## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

larry.gray said:


> I think it was a threesome with someone other than her husband.


I assumed the (3) referred to her, the husband, and their friend? Otherwise, this might be the good start to a intriguing novel.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Housewifeinstruggle said:


> I'm the only one he feels comfortable talking to about this. My husband and his long time best friend have been close for almost 20yrs. We've been together almost 9. The best friend tells me he is just truly in love with him and he hopes later on down the line, the two of them can have a casual relationship. He just popped the question to his fiance a WEEK ago. He says he loves his woman and just wants to give oral to my husband. Been thinking of him for a long time. There are more details to this.* My husband doesn't know*. We (3) have gotten together before. My husband wasn't as open to some of his attempts in the past. They've never had sex to my knowledge. I'm ok with it for some weird reason. I feel she should know before the wedding!! All I can picture is a sequel to Brokeback Mountain. I just want to watch, or don't tell me ANYTHING! What would you do? I need advice


He does. No offence, but I question the sexuality of any guy who has a MMF threesome :/


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## Housewifeinstruggle (Sep 4, 2012)

Thank you for all the responses. The 3some(s) were with the friend, my husband and myself. I'm a very open and understanding person. We moved from him and still visit a few times a year. It seems to come up in conversation after or during a party. My husband and I don't drink any more and it's really helped in the whole "hey, let's go pick someone fun up at the bar" nights that were frequent. My husband is very good at letting someone down gently. I guess since it's not so in your face, he kinda just shrugs it off and chalks it up to his personality. His fiance is female. I know he's trying to enlist my help. I'm not too willing anymore to be that kinda wing man. As for the friendship, he's not going anywhere and that's ok. We just need to sit down and get everything on the table.... with out it being us.... I just don't want any tension the next time we see them.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

As long as the guy believes he is in love with your husband, there WILL be tension. And if his fiancee doesn't know any of this, she's gonna wonder what's going on. I would suspect that your husband shrugs it off because he doesn't want to deal with this guy having these feelings for him. If your husband is as unwilling as you say, seriously...tell the guy that you guys are done with that chapter and he needs to respect that...AND to stop trying to enlist your help in getting your husband to agree to it.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Housewifeinstruggle said:


> Thank you for all the responses. The 3some(s) were with the friend, my husband and myself. I'm a very open and understanding person. We moved from him and still visit a few times a year. It seems to come up in conversation after or during a party. My husband and I don't drink any more and it's really helped in the whole "hey, let's go pick someone fun up at the bar" nights that were frequent. My husband is very good at letting someone down gently. I guess since it's not so in your face, he kinda just shrugs it off and chalks it up to his personality. His fiance is female. I know he's trying to enlist my help. I'm not too willing anymore to be that kinda wing man. As for the friendship, he's not going anywhere and that's ok. We just need to sit down and get everything on the table.... with out it being us.... I just don't want any tension the next time we see them.


I would think that you'd have to be really drunk or stoned on something to be having 3-some's and sharing sex with people while married, because to most people it's a bit weird or creepy and would be very uncomfortable as well.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> If my buddy ever told me or my wife that he wants my mule in his mouth, that would be the end of the friendship.


That would be the typical response I would think.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Housewifeinstruggle said:


> Thank you for all the responses. The 3some(s) were with the friend, my husband and myself. I'm a very open and understanding person. We moved from him and still visit a few times a year. It seems to come up in conversation after or during a party. My husband and I don't drink any more and it's really helped in the whole "hey, let's go pick someone fun up at the bar" nights that were frequent. My husband is very good at letting someone down gently. I guess since it's not so in your face, he kinda just shrugs it off and chalks it up to his personality. His fiance is female. I know he's trying to enlist my help. I'm not too willing anymore to be that kinda wing man. As for the friendship, he's not going anywhere and that's ok. We just need to sit down and get everything on the table.... with out it being us.... I just don't want any tension the next time we see them.


Sounds like your husband won't confront him. If that's the case, you need to. Tell him that friendship is one thing but sex is out of the question. The past is the past and you aren't sharing going forward.

This assumes your husband isn't already hooking up with him.


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## Josselyn (Sep 10, 2012)

Yes, he has a right to know before she devotes her life to this man who already is going into the marriage having bascially cheated. If he's really thinking about sexaul behavior and "in love" with him, how can he give to his so called wife? It's a sticky situation, but you may have to confront him and tell him to tell his fiancee. he really she be the one to do it and let her decide what hse wants to do about it


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Housewifeinstruggle said:


> I'm the only one he feels comfortable talking to about this. My husband and his long time best friend have been close for almost 20yrs. We've been together almost 9. The best friend tells me he is just truly in love with him and he hopes later on down the line, the two of them can have a casual relationship. He just popped the question to his fiance a WEEK ago. He says he loves his woman and just wants to give oral to my husband. Been thinking of him for a long time. There are more details to this. My husband doesn't know. We (3) have gotten together before. My husband wasn't as open to some of his attempts in the past. They've never had sex to my knowledge. I'm ok with it for some weird reason. I feel she should know before the wedding!! All I can picture is a sequel to Brokeback Mountain. I just want to watch, or don't tell me ANYTHING! What would you do? I need advice


The fiancee deserves to know. Period.

As for the rest of this, you're not going to get a lot of non-judgmental advice, or support, on TAM. This place isn't really open, understanding, or receptive to people living in non-traditional marriage situations. People here still have fierce moral debates about anal sex, and whether spouses should be allowed to have opposite sex friends. I think if you're looking for more likeminded people regarding the rest of your post, you'd be better off searching elsewhere.


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

I wouldn't tell his soon to be wife. I would talk with your husbands friend though and find out if this is a drunken fantasy or ?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tonyarz said:


> I wouldn't tell his soon to be wife. I would talk with your husbands friend though and find out if this is a drunken fantasy or ?


Really? You suggest that the fiancee go on with a marriage if, in fact, the guy truly believes himself to be in love with the OP's husband? While I agree, the OP should tell the guy, in no uncertain terms, there is no way she is going to convince her husband to do that, the fiancee deserves to know about this line of thinking in the man who is supposed to be so in love with her and supposed to be wanting to marry her. To NOT tell the woman would be rug sweeping....so you are suggesting she rug sweep this? Sigh....


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

Yes, I suggest rug sweeping. Maybe this guy was drunk when he said it. It doesn't mean he is gay. I mean come on. He had a 3 some with the couple. It's not like he acted on anything yet.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

tonyarz said:


> Yes, I suggest rug sweeping. Maybe this guy was drunk when he said it. It doesn't mean he is gay. I mean come on. He had a 3 some with the couple. It's not like he acted on anything yet.


I'm not saying he is necessarily gay either. What I am saying is that he is getting married and he is seeking out a sexual encounter without his fiancee. If this woman believes they are in a MONOGAMOUS relationship, she has every right to know about it. So would you also suggest the woman not be told if he actually DID have sex with someone else? Again, assuming it is supposed to be a monogamous relationship.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Guy is gay, OP's husband is probably gay too. There is no way a straight guy keeps a BFF after he has been advanced on by the guy. And the three way with his own wife... Yeah right!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

tonyarz said:


> Yes, I suggest rug sweeping. Maybe this guy was drunk when he said it. It doesn't mean he is gay. I mean come on. He had a 3 some with the couple. It's not like he acted on anything yet.


Who cares if he's gay, or not? The man didn't blurt out in a single drunken encounter a declaration of love to his best friend. Did you read the OP?

*"The best friend tells me he is just truly in love with him and he hopes later on down the line, the two of them can have a casual relationship."*

*"He says he loves his woman and just wants to give oral to my husband. Been thinking of him for a long time."*

*"My husband doesn't know."*

Now the OP said she's OK with it, but feels the new fiancee deserves to know. And she damn sure does deserve to know that her future husband is:

A. In love with someone else.
B. Who happens to be a man.
C. Wants to act out sexually on that love.
D. And has every intention of doing so regardless of his engagement.

That's NOT something you sweep under the rug.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

This thread has been making me naseaus for a while now.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Housewifeinstruggle said:


> All I can picture is a sequel to Brokeback Mountain. *I just want to watch*, or don't tell me ANYTHING! What would you do? I need advice


You're okay with it, as long as you get to watch your hubby get plowed by another man? Was this one line an attempt at humor, or maybe your whole post is BS?

Sorry if you're being legit here, but your post seems to be all over the place. It was okay for you guys to do a MMF in the past, but now you don't want this guy touching your H? In the MMF, was the friend putting his hands on your H?

One of my best friends is gay. I've known him for 20+ years. He knows that I am 100% hetero, and I'm sure he knows if he ever made a move, or even a comment about us doing something...it would likely kill our friendship. Make no mistake - the friend who wants to blow your H is gay. I feel sorry for his future wife.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> You're okay with it, as long as you get to watch your hubby get plowed by another man? Was this one line an attempt at humor, or maybe your whole post is BS?
> 
> Sorry if you're being legit here, but your post seems to be all over the place. It was okay for you guys to do a MMF in the past, but now you don't want this guy touching your H? In the MMF, was the friend putting his hands on your H?
> 
> One of my best friends is gay. I've known him for 20+ years. He knows that I am 100% hetero, and I'm sure he knows if he ever made a move, or even a comment about us doing something...it would likely kill our friendship. Make no mistake - the friend who wants to blow your H is gay. I feel sorry for his future wife.


I'm filing this thread under the heading of........"b.s."


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