# Am I overly critical or would this annoy you? m



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

so ok, we are living in close quarters and it is absolutely a pain in the ass.... so me and the 3 girls are there in the camper, it is about 8:45 pm, and my younger one is trying to finish up her homework (she had skating practice). 

DH had gone to the laundromat, and there is a pub next door, so he made the best of it and had some chicken wings and beer while he waited for the laundry to finish... great... I have no issue there.

But he comes in at 8:45 and starts announcing that we all must be done and quiet by 9 pm as he wants to watch a TV show. So 9 pm comes, and the kid is not quite done with her work, and she was asking me for some guidance on something and I was trying to help her (as quietly as I could). Now I would have liked to watch the show too, but silly me, making sure my kid is able to finish her homework is more important. 

So he keeps shooshing us... and it was really starting to piss me off. We ended up getting in an argument because I told him to leave us alone and knock it off.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> so ok, we are living in close quarters and it is absolutely a pain in the ass.... so me and the 3 girls are there in the camper, it is about 8:45 pm, and my younger one is trying to finish up her homework (she had skating practice).
> 
> DH had gone to the laundromat, and there is a pub next door, so he made the best of it and had some chicken wings and beer while he waited for the laundry to finish... great... I have no issue there.
> 
> ...


Why don't you ask him why HE'S there. What does he get from being part of family. Does he enjoy anything? Family time, time with kids, time with you? It seems his enjoyment is everything but you guys. Solitary bike rides, waiting for laundry alone in pub, staying home while you socialize. Being he is stay-at-home parent, he should be doing the running around with kids.
His attitude re: money sucks (previous thread). His money he's saving is for 'his future' 'his retirement', not for both of you. By that same token, your wage should be for just you. Then what? He's putting in time. How long can this go on for both of you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I didn't mind the pub thing that night, he was doing the laundry and it needed to be done. I picked up the kid from skating because it was on my way home from work, so I didn't mind that either. But I did mind being told to be quiet time and time again, when I was doing what needed to be done (helping with homework) and he was just watching a stupid TV show.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> I didn't mind the pub thing that night, he was doing the laundry and it needed to be done. I picked up the kid from skating because it was on my way home from work, so I didn't mind that either. But I did mind being told to be quiet time and time again, when I was doing what needed to be done (helping with homework) and he was just watching a stupid TV show.


Not saying you minded - but does he even enjoy family? At all? Any of you? Kids even? Sounds like he does his 'duty' barely and nothing more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Not saying you minded - but does he even enjoy family? At all? Any of you? Kids even? Sounds like he does his 'duty' barely and nothing more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It doesn't seem it... I mean he acts all put out about EVERYTHING, from taking the younger one to the skate rink, to taking the middle one to a Lacrosse game. I guess I could understand if he never got any time to himself, but he SO DOES. 

This weekend, I was in NYC with my skater (she had a competition) and she did well. So he had to take my middle daughter to her Lacrosse game and of course he complained about WHERE it was. GOOD GRIEF.

I don't mind doing these things with the kids, to me it is the fun part of parenting, isn't it?


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Part of being a parent is sacrifice------
I enjoy (most of the time) my kids' activities. Most people do.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

you are not being over critical.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> Part of being a parent is sacrifice------
> I enjoy (most of the time) my kids' activities. Most people do.


See, that is what I thought?? I adore watching my girls accomplish things, and do things they love. It aggravates me that he isn't more proud of them. My youngest has a real shot at being something great at figure skating, and he just doesn't give a ****. All he does is ***** and moan about the time and money (and we HAVE the money)


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> i wasn't going to comment bc I can't seem to find a way to explain my thoughts without sounding like a total a$$hole...but i'm gonna try! lol
> 
> there are some parents out there who think kids are overbooked. there are parents out there who think the "activity taxi parents" (not my verbage...this is simply what i've gotten from talking to the anti-activity parents) are living vicariously through their child's accomplishments and focus way too much on their child developing some genius talent that the parent thinks will take them far in life.
> 
> ...


Who knows -- it seems not to matter what they do, how much they do or anything... he complains about ALL of it-- always has. 

Each child is allowed to do ONE thing only... not multiple sports and activities, it is busy since there are 3 of them.... it just is. 

HE played sports his whole childhood up through college, he did extra curricular activities and such. He got support from his parents (going to games and such) and he laments that his father was so cheap about it with him (like wouldn't buy him decent shoes for the sport) so it doesn't make sense to me how he can be sometimes. He swam, played football, did track and field.... 

I realize some kids are overbooked, and I realize some parents push their kids with unrealistic goals... I assure you, I don't do any of that. He just cannot seem to deal with the day to day demands of having growing children without complaint.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

it would annoy me, and sounds a lot like my childhood. my step dad cared little if at all about anything any of us did, was never supportive, and never bothered without complaining or being stressed about it. His tv shows, cars, projects whatever were more important and so was work.

He missed my graduation, missed anything I ever did, and missed my wedding because work was more important. The only time he showed interest is when my one brother took up wrestling, because thats something he did in school. 

My mom is the total opposite, she was soccer mom, boyscout leader, went to practices, you name it, and worked full time, and was a full time student.

However, if he's not active with his kids like that, he's hurting them. it may not even be obvious, but there is a lasting affect from it.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

And, I feel like he barely even TRIES to take care of us in any way.... yesterday, we ran out of propane in the camper. So now we have no heat, and cannot cook on the stove or in the oven. So you'd think he'd try to fix it right? Nope... not a priority I guess.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I just can't relate to hating it so much... I mean, I didn't know jack about horses, figure skating OR lacrosse, but I am learning (and enjoying doing so) along with the girls. I am meeting other nice people and socializing at the same time. I just cannot 'get' why to him it is such drudgery.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Cabin Fever


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Kobo said:


> Cabin Fever


I know!! ONE MORE WEEK until closing on the condo. We can do it right??


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Thank goodness your girls have YOU. At least they know you love them and care enough about them to be involved in their lives and their activities. You PARTICIPATE in what's going on with them.

50% is better than none. My father was like your husband so trust me I know how your girls must feel.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> I know!! ONE MORE WEEK until closing on the condo. We can do it right??


Yes you can.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Thank goodness your girls have YOU. At least they know you love them and care enough about them to be involved in their lives and their activities. You PARTICIPATE in what's going on with them.
> 
> 50% is better than none. My father was like your husband so trust me I know how your girls must feel.


You know, I have invited him to skating competitions with us now and again, but he is like having a whiny kid along. I mean, he did actually say he was impressed with her skating (since he watches her so infrequently, he doesn't realize how incredibly good she is for her age sometimes), he is always moaning about when will it be over, this is so boring etc. I sit with the other parents, we support each other's kids, watch the other skaters.... taking him just ruins our good time mostly.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> You know, I have invited him to skating competitions with us now and again, but he is like having a whiny kid along. I mean, he did actually say he was impressed with her skating (since he watches her so infrequently, he doesn't realize how incredibly good she is for her age sometimes), he *is always moaning about when will it be over, this is so boring etc.* I sit with the other parents, we support each other's kids, watch the other skaters.... taking him just ruins our good time mostly.



That sucks. I wouldn't want him there if he couldn't be supportive either. My dad just didn't go to my track meets. I came in 2nd in my event at our city meet and he wasn't there to see it. He didn't go to my high school graduation either. Whatever. His loss. I was front row center for my kids through all of what they wanted to do. I couldn't imagine NOT wanting to be there to see their accomplishments.

Some of his problem could be cabin fever, but I think he's just a jerk. :lol:


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> That sucks. I wouldn't want him there if he couldn't be supportive either. My dad just didn't go to my track meets. I came in 2nd in my event at our city meet and he wasn't there to see it. He didn't go to my high school graduation either. Whatever. His loss. I was front row center for my kids through all of what they wanted to do. I couldn't imagine NOT wanting to be there to see their accomplishments.
> 
> Some of his problem could be cabin fever, but I think he's just a jerk. :lol:


Sometimes I wonder if it was all boys, and it was football, if he'd act differently.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Sometimes I wonder if it was all boys, and it was football, if he'd act differently.


Hey might. But boys aren't quiet either...:rofl:

You think he resents the estrogen overload? If his behavior was just with the girls, I probably could get with that. But it's not just the girls, he's a grouch all the time.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Hey might. But boys aren't quiet either...:rofl:
> 
> You think he resents the estrogen overload? If his behavior was just with the girls, I probably could get with that. But it's not just the girls, he's a grouch all the time.


He is... and I hate it. Lately, I have just been calling him out on it, I am so sick of leaving with grumpy gus


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> He is... and I hate it. Lately, I have just been calling him out on it, I am so sick of leaving with grumpy gus


It's good to call him out I think. You're making him aware of it, when maybe he's not.

Have you point blank asked him what's bothering him, or what's making him so angry? I know that sometimes you just don't want to be bothered, he's really draining... but I wonder if he does these things for attention?


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> It's good to call him out I think. You're making him aware of it, when maybe he's not.
> 
> Have you point blank asked him what's bothering him, or what's making him so angry? I know that sometimes you just don't want to be bothered, he's really draining... but I wonder if he does these things for attention?


I have from time to time, and he just says he isn't angry... sometimes he says the bills make him angry, he is just mad at everything. 

We have had a very very tough road the last 5 years or so, lots of stressors and responsibilities-- aging parents-- complete responsibility for both sets-- siblings doing nothing, serious medical issues with one of the children, and a never ending stream of things that just fall under crap happens, but honestly it has been a ridiculous non-ending back to back string... car accidients, major damage to the house from winter, things like that... I GET it has been hard over the past few years, I just don't get going around pissed off all the time about it. 

Our oldest has a major learning disability, she is hard, she sees both a counselor and psychiatrist and has special ed in school... draining. 

We have had way more of our share of difficulty on our platess. I think life has beat him down.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

It almost seems as if your husband is resentful of the efforts you put into your girls and he is displaying that in a passive aggressive way. Could it possibly be that because he doesn’t get the center of your attention and love the majority of the time your husband is acting so uncooperative? 

I believe some men and women, do not like to be put on the backburner, even to their own children. Many parents are very willing to give so much of ourselves to our children. Some parents cannot completely fathom that concept. Don’t get me wrong, those same parents would protect their children and even risk their own lives the very moment their own child’s safety was an issue. It’s the smaller selfish stuff which they cannot seem to give into. 

E.g., I could care less what program was being watched on the television in the living room, gave up any control over that television remote years ago. Now, I’m not saying I did not see my (ex)husband’s side of certain situations, but it was the way he would go about things. My (ex)husband would get home from work and part of his unwinding routine often involved watching television. Didn’t matter to him if the kids were already into a show they were watching, he would change it. He wasn’t completely cold hearted about it, he would announce that the channel was about to be changed and if they wanted to continue watching a show, they could do so in their own rooms (as they did have their own televisions). My feeling was, why chase them off into their individual bedrooms? All three kids, his oldest two and our son (10 yrs their junior) were harmoniously hanging out together, even if it was just watching TV. However, he felt it was “his” TV time. Oh …… Did I forget to mention we had a decent sized TV in our bedroom as well ? Which he could have easily watched instead. Honestly, to me it was a silly TV which I never had the time to sit down in front of anyways. To my (ex)husband and the kids it was a battle waiting in the midst most evenings.

Trust me, there were plenty of other more significant scenarios which occurred during our marriage. A close girl friend, whose husband was also very close to my (ex)husband, mentioned how she wondered if my ex-husband struggled with the fact the majority of my attention went to raising three kids. Ya know, I think she may have been onto something as his current and new wife never had children. BTW, he can’t have anymore either….. well …. not without undoing a little procedure.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I have from time to time, and he just says he isn't angry... sometimes he says the bills make him angry, he is just mad at everything.
> 
> We have had a very very tough road the last 5 years or so, lots of stressors and responsibilities-- aging parents-- complete responsibility for both sets-- siblings doing nothing, serious medical issues with one of the children, and a never ending stream of things that just fall under crap happens, but honestly it has been a ridiculous non-ending back to back string... car accidients, major damage to the house from winter, things like that... I GET it has been hard over the past few years, I just don't get going around pissed off all the time about it.
> 
> ...


Excuses. He doesn't need them, you are right there with him through all of your trials and tribulations in your family and you've managed to maintain civility and a positive attitude. IMO he has extremely poor coping skills. 

Out of all the things you mentioned above he has YOU in his corner to get through it together. If he can't understand that, then it's really a shame. He COULD be having a problem in his marriage along with all the other stressors in his life. He should be appreciating his wife and what she does for the family. It's a shame he's taking his life with you so for granted.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Excuses. He doesn't need them, you are right there with him through all of your trials and tribulations in your family and you've managed to maintain civility and a positive attitude. IMO he has extremely poor coping skills.
> 
> Out of all the things you mentioned above he has YOU in his corner to get through it together. If he can't understand that, then it's really a shame. He COULD be having a problem in his marriage along with all the other stressors in his life. He should be appreciating his wife and what she does for the family. It's a shame he's taking his life with you so for granted.


I agree. He should be happy I am on his side but instead he lashes out at me. I do not intend to make excuses for him simply acknowledging why I think he is where he is
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hes selfish.

watching TV instead of making sure his girl is squared away with home work.make no sence to me.

his priorities are f----- up.


I get it close quarters is tough but be a man and suck it up so your child has a fighting chance in this world with a good education. you have the rest of his life to watch the BOOB tube.

JMHO


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> I have from time to time, and he just says he isn't angry... sometimes he says the bills make him angry, he is just mad at everything.
> 
> We have had a very very tough road the last 5 years or so, lots of stressors and responsibilities-- aging parents-- complete responsibility for both sets-- siblings doing nothing, serious medical issues with one of the children, and a never ending stream of things that just fall under crap happens, but honestly it has been a ridiculous non-ending back to back string... car accidients, major damage to the house from winter, things like that... I GET it has been hard over the past few years, I just don't get going around pissed off all the time about it.
> 
> ...


I change my advice he is beat down has a lot on his mind and mybe poor coping skills to boot.

though time are hard while your going through them.

I'll tell you a story if i may.

when I lived with my parents as an young adult we were hit with a flood lost everything we owned and my dad was flipping out acting crazy and then my mother just started acting like him say crazy stuff like I just want to kill myself and sobbing and histerical starting looking for the guns to shoot her self and my father snaped out of it saying it ok we'll be alright as long as we have eachother.as i took this all in my mother winked at me showing me it was all an act and it worked liked a charm.

maybe you need to tell him how stressed you are and turn the tables on him he might just surprise you some people need to feel like there needed.


just a thought.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sorry about the poor spelling and grammer.thats why home work is so important. LOL


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