# Verbal foreplay: how subtle do you like?



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Another thread was asking about whether men liked foreplay, how much, etc., and one poster went into a bit of detail about the words he'd welcome from his woman........ I'm a bit shy on the preamble, I admit it. Once under starters orders I'd like to think I show more than willing, enjoy, don't stay silent etc. But I know my OH would like me to initiate and that's the bit I stumble on. What is subtle/classy yet a turn-on? What would make you know your woman wanted you yet not make you feel it ok to think she was being sl&tty? Be specific, lads, please. I may not be in the first flush of youth but every word of advice will be gratefully received (and not only by me)

_quote Zulu from the other thread: I think most guys would like the woman to approach, but maybe in a more subtle way, sit on the couch or what ever and give him a crotch rub and say... "hey.. see you upstairs in a minute"... or something like that.... or take the bra off and loosen a button or two and say nothing, he may get the message.... or send a text... "hey handsome, I need some"....etc etc etc....._


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## e.p. (Jun 10, 2011)

>>> What would make you know your woman wanted you yet not make you feel it ok to think she was being sl&tty?

What is wrong with being slvtty for your husband?

I like it when she comes out in lingerie and interrupts me. Granted I can count on one hands the number of times this has happened... but I remember each time fondly.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

At some point I hope I feel that comfortable, but I don't right now. Hence the thread. I want to be classy/[email protected] it & want to let him know I want him: *not* slvtty at the foreplay stage. And quite honestly, knowing me I think he'd rather i was the classy woman wanting him..........


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

madimoff said:


> At some point I hope I feel that comfortable, but I don't right now. Hence the thread. I want to be classy/[email protected] it & want to let him know I want him: *not* slvtty at the foreplay stage. And quite honestly, knowing me I think he'd rather i was the classy woman wanting him..........


Men want classy women in public, but ****s in the bedroom. It's the magic combination so I don't suspect most men give a single thought to their woman not being "proper" for using ****ty language to get them into the mood.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

BigToe said:


> Men want classy women in public, but ****s in the bedroom. It's the magic combination so I don't suspect most men give a single thought to their woman not being "proper" for using ****ty language to get them into the mood.


Getting interested in sex should begin long before the 'bedroom' _or wherever_ you end up getting physical. That's a factor often forgotten by some men, it would seem. (oh, and not only for the benefit of women - as I'm wising up to through TAM, many men value the emotional aspect of sex, and sometimes like a long lead-in as well, even if not always).
Anyway, for ME the question remains as per my first post. I'll become whatever he and I want IN the bedroom, say whatever he and I want IN the throes. It's showing I want to get us there, verbally, the first few interchanges, without being slvtty I'm needing help and advice with. Cos that's just who I am. What I'm not is comfortable AT the moment, with advice that simply seems to be 'talk durty'.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, what ARE you comfortable doing? 

Nothing wrong with surprising him with a long deep kiss when he's not really expecting it. Combine that with some extra body contact (running your hands over him, straddling his lap, a bit of grinding against him)...

Texting something as simple as "I'll meet you in the bedroom tonight at 9..." can get his motor running during the day.

If he takes a shower at night, let him get in the shower and join him. Or if he showers in an ensuite bathroom, just be laying on the bed naked when he comes out.

C


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

You should start by subtle behaviors that turn him on and that he won't even be sure you're doing on purpose. Examples of this are: Bending over and wearing short skirt/shorts or tight pants. Wearing a low cut top and smiling and leaning in so he can get a look at your cleavage. Touching yourself, even as simple as your cheek in a lightly seductive way. He most likely has a favorite body part that gets him going, so focusing on that is a great way to start.

My husbands favorite (but might want to work up to this as it's simple role play): Dress up as a sexy secretary and lightly say things like..."I forgot to file that memo you requested and have been a very naughty girl." See how he responds but I'm betting it's with a touch to the bum or something along the lines of, "Oh really?" Then just shake your bum a little or have a pen or piece of paper in your hand and drop it, bend over slowly to get it.

This way you're combining classy with slvtty but you're making it clear your slvtty is only for him as it should be.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Thanks both.... you'd be surprised how shy I find myself even at my age (NO, not saying but let's say I left 40 behind some while ago) .. and we've had such problems for quite some time that although I know I need to be taking action not least to reassure him I still love and want him, I really don't want to 'put myself out there' until we're both closer, & more comfortable with turning up our sex life. Hence wanting to be subtle. Any words, phrases, anyone uses a bit like Trenton but if it's possible even more subtle?? !!


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

madimoff said:


> Thanks both.... you'd be surprised how shy I find myself even at my age (NO, not saying but let's say I left 40 behind some while ago) .. and we've had such problems for quite some time that although I know I need to be taking action not least to reassure him I still love and want him, I really don't want to 'put myself out there' until we're both closer, & more comfortable with turning up our sex life. Hence wanting to be subtle. Any words, phrases, anyone uses a bit like Trenton but if it's possible even more subtle?? !!


That's really endearing madimoff! 

Have you begun foreplay with shared interests? Much more subtle but intimacy building.

Do you both like food? Kayaking? Concerts? Golf? Fishing? Etc...

Set up some plans to surprise him with a day of you doing what he loves to do with him. The idea here is that you don't have to love what you're doing together but you fall in love with the fact that you're doing it with him and he's happy that you're there by his side. 

Then you can drop small phrases that make it clear you're flirting and affirm your admiration and respect for his likes/wants/needs. So examples of this would be the two of you fishing together. If he catches a big fish you can say...I'm impressed! (admiration affirming), if you get a fish on the line make sure you ask him for help to reel it in (offering respect for his skill at his hobby) and laugh/giggle as he'll be forced to touch you to help you. If neither of you catches anything splash water in his face (blatant flirting) and laugh or make a small joke about how you must be scaring the fish away.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Yeah, I get the idea - showing some admiration would go down well because one of his beefs is that I'm overly independent and not respectful enough for his liking..
However. 
We don't live together fulltime. Makes quite a difference to continuity.
And the only two pastimes apart from playing with our 9yo that he really has (yes really) are reading and making money (try getting flirty when he's at the PC OR reading, and you'd get your head bitten off WHEREVER it was at the time!!)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I like that talking  It's a turn on.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

madimoff said:


> Yeah, I get the idea - showing some admiration would go down well because one of his beefs is that I'm overly independent and not respectful enough for his liking..
> However.
> We don't live together fulltime. Makes quite a difference to continuity.
> And the only two pastimes apart from playing with our 9yo that he really has (yes really) are reading and making money (try getting flirty when he's at the PC OR reading, and you'd get your head bitten off WHEREVER it was at the time!!)


You could read the same book together, no? Then chat it up about what the book was about?

He's a tough sell. What's his personality like? I mean, what adjectives would you use to describe in five words?


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Trenton said:


> You could read the same book together, no? Then chat it up about what the book was about?
> 
> He's a tough sell. What's his personality like? I mean, what adjectives would you use to describe in five words?


Thoughtful sharp prickly clever focussed They seem about right!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Or you could huskily breathe in his ear w/o saying a thing. Then lick his ear. He'd be harder than a 17 year old. But that's me.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

If he's seated, take your index finger and start on his hand and lightly move up to his shoulders. Rub his shoulders for a bit. Ask him how it feels. Take your index finger back down to his hand. Back up to the shoulders. This time, take your index fingers down to his chest. If he responds, you smile sweetly and ask if you can keep going.....


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

There are so many possible things you could subtly say or do... As I'm in a bit of an ugly spot right now I have been dwelling on the the one thing I can tell you will really turn him off: not paying him attention. So, conversely, do the opposite and it should work: just make sure he knows your attention is on him... every time you see or do something that brings you please just glance at him and make eye contact, let him see your smile - knowing you are happy (in his company) is the BIGGEST aphrodisiac in the world.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

And if by verbal you mean reach into his pants grab his penis and squeeze, yeah that works too. 

Look here's the thing. Sexy is an attitude, an air about you. Not a thing. Paying a man attention is sexy. Touching his arm is sexy. Asking him to brush you hair is sexy. Making him feel, if only for 30 seconds that he has your absolute laser focus of attention, is sexy. Just walking up to him and saying 'kiss me', is sexy. If you mean it.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> And if by verbal you mean reach into his pants grab his penis and squeeze, yeah that works too.
> 
> Look here's the thing. Sexy is an attitude, an air about you. Not a thing. Paying a man attention is sexy. Touching his arm is sexy. Asking him to brush you hair is sexy. Making him feel, if only for 30 seconds that he has your absolute laser focus of attention, is sexy. Just walking up to him and saying 'kiss me', is sexy. If you mean it.


Actually, ignoring some of what you've said, that is probably the single best piece of straight but subtle, pointed but not slvtty, advice thusfar. :smthumbup:
Oh, and I would mean it.


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