# Is it normal in extreme circumstances for life to cause sex life to stop



## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

We usually would average 2 -3 times a week.
2 months ago our daughter was diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anemia. She has been hospitalized 45 days of the past 2 months and the times she hasn't been hospitalized have been very busy with transfusions and appointments. Our son just donated bone marrow and our daughter is almost done chemo and her bone marrow transplant is Thursday. The recovery following the transplant is slow and she is expected to be hospitalized up to another month. Since this all started we are lucky we may have had sex twice since then. 
Neither one of us is complaining, we just don't seem to have it in us. Is this normal??


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

You are both under stress and sex is not a priority lately. 
While it is normal it isn't necessarily a good thing long term. Have you discussed it with your husband? Don't discuss it in complaining terms, but in "this won't be good for our marriage long term. We need to keep sex going for both our sakes and to nurture our marriage" terms.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You're good.

Probably worth addressing with your partner at some point, so that this does not become your operational norm once your daughter is out of the woods. And on that front, my sincere hope for her health and happiness. And kudos to your son. I hope this resolves and pulls your family closer.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

My wife and I have recent experience of this. In that from the middle of February, our teenage daughter has been in hospital with a terrible illness until around three weeks ago. Her heart could have failed at any moment in the early days. Of which we will have to continue to bring her in to hospital for weekly and sometimes biweekly visits for a long time yet.

We went from a frequency of 4-6x a week and often more, to 1-2x a week with it not happening at all during some weeks. While for us it has only moved up to 3-5x a week over the last couple of weeks, as we have found some of the stress that we have faced has lessened for both of us.

So yes I think it's normal.

That said please be kind to each other, please do not forget each other and do try to share some level of physical affection between you both. Plus above all, be there for each other, in lending an ear, in holding each other, in sharing your fears and encouraging each other with coping through this.

I hope all goes well for you and your family going forward.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

This is absolutely normal.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Times during a week, seems weak, when looking at the meek.... with them laying there, tired, helpless and scared; from their beating heart, fear doth leak.


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

From what you have written, I personally do not see an issue so far.

As mentioned, when things settle down your love life should pick back up again and if not, then is the time to talk and find out how to improve from there.

You and your spouse have been sort of forced into hyper parent mode so it is totally understandable.

Good luck to you and your family.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Seems pretty regularly to me.

What do you think about counseling? Your whole family could benefit from some crisis counseling and you and your husband could definitely benefit at least as a health check for your marriage.

Lack of frequency is normal and usually required at some points in life so that isn't worrisome but the strain and after affects of this crisis could be damaging to your marriage if not properly dealt with.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Penny905 said:


> Neither one of us is complaining, we just don't seem to have it in us. Is this normal??


Seems completely normal. But just be aware that a of stress can make a relationship vulnerable if one of you has the desire to escape from the emotional pain. 

An example would be a couple in which their children have severe medical problems. One partner ends up having a sexual affair with a friendly medical expert (unrelated to the actual professional care providers) and claims he/she was just trying to find a friend that could offer help and advice. There are documented instances of this scenario due to one person being vulnerable and the other having a desire to help and alleviate suffering. 

So when you have a family member suffering through a medical issue, the whole family is suffering together. So you need to make it a point to also care for the whole family and especially to continue nurturing the marital bonds between husband and wife (sexual and nonsexual) in ways that alleviate some of the emotional pain. The idea is you would want to turn towards one another for healing as opposed to turning away from one another to escape.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Penny905 said:


> We usually would average 2 -3 times a week.
> 2 months ago our daughter was diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anemia. She has been hospitalized 45 days of the past 2 months and the times she hasn't been hospitalized have been very busy with transfusions and appointments. Our son just donated bone marrow and our daughter is almost done chemo and her bone marrow transplant is Thursday. The recovery following the transplant is slow and she is expected to be hospitalized up to another month. Since this all started we are lucky we may have had sex twice since then.
> Neither one of us is complaining, we just don't seem to have it in us. Is this normal??


I think so. I imagine the stress doesn't leave you a lot of energy or inclination. Just make sure that once your daughter is better you don't stay in this rut because long term the marriage will probably suffer without sex. 

So sorry to hear about your daughter. I hope all goes well with her bone marrow transplant and treatments and this is all a distant memory as soon as possible!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Many great, applicable responses. 

I like all hope for daughters recovery and good health.


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## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

Thank you for all the responses, advise and well wishes for our daughter. I spend most of my time between work and the hospital. I am usually at the hospital around dinner time, because leaving the city earlier would take me so much longer to get home. so it's mainly been sandwiches. We are making sure we have some mini-dates, to make sure we stay connected. Yesterday I worked 7-1, so I left work early at lunch. My husband went to the hospital in the morning for 2 hours. When I got done work, we went to lunch together then I went to the hospital until 8.


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## Penny905 (Mar 28, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Seems pretty regularly to me.
> 
> What do you think about counseling? Your whole family could benefit from some crisis counseling and you and your husband could definitely benefit at least as a health check for your marriage.
> 
> Lack of frequency is normal and usually required at some points in life so that isn't worrisome but the strain and after affects of this crisis could be damaging to your marriage if not properly dealt with.


We had to go to a bone marrow transplant class prior to her being admitted. I found out there that the hospital offers this, I think I will look into it more


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Penny905 said:


> We had to go to a bone marrow transplant class prior to her being admitted. I found out there that the hospital offers this, I think I will look into it more


A friend of mine actually worked in a hospital as a councilor. The job was extremely taxing for her because she was always called to help families deal with an unexpected death (usually children). In my opinion a councilor would probably be thankful for an opportunity to help a family where everyone is hopeful for a happy and upbeat conclusion to a struggle, but just needs some help prioritizing things.


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

Normal. Lots of hugs and cuddles and don't apply any pressure. Keep talking and don't give up.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yes. Very normal under the circumstances.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Normal. I'm so sorry for your current circumstances with your child. I can not imagine how tough that must be.

The easy way to handle the circumstance between you and your husband is to acknowledge to him that you understand it's happening. Validate with him you are looking forward to getting back to where y'all once were and you miss that connection with him. That simple message will work wonders.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Mr.Married said:


> Normal. I'm so sorry for your current circumstances with your child. I can not imagine how tough that must be.
> 
> The easy way to handle the circumstance between you and your husband is to acknowledge to him that you understand it's happening. Validate with him you are looking forward to getting back to where y'all once were and you miss that connection with him. That simple message will work wonders.


This ^^

Make some time to "check in" with each other, talk about how you're both feeling - no judgement from either side, just a "this is where we are" type thing. Make sure he understands that you miss him, miss "us" and can't wait for things to settle down again.

Lots of love to your family x


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