# Pinpointing the longer term senses



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

"longer term" senses? I know, its a relative statement, but what kinds of feelings are sticking with you now that the divorce is done? I am ten months past mine, and some days its like it was yesterday, and other days I feel free.
For me the one point of "belonging" to something I really wanted and considered valuable (a family, my family) is what is kicking the sh!t out of me lately. how some other fk is just brought right in, its almost as if you can see my silhouette cut out of all the pictures and him photoshopped in..
Thats what I feel like. Like Ive been photoshopped out of what I worked so very hard for, what I sacrificed so much for, and felt value in doing so...
Now? 
I dont know about now. Last night was a tough one.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Pearl Jam - Man of the Hour - YouTube


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## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Yes, yes, and yes.....

My ex was going on "family" vacations with the OM and her two children from her first marriage within 2 months of the divorce. They all lived together as one big happy "family" 5 or 6 months after the divorce. 

I don't care for her one bit. I can honestly say that. My other sticking point is financially. While I have been able to save a little these past 3 months since my house sold I am watching them spend money like crazy, going on long vacations, seeing my ex in new clothes, hair, nails, etc. I don't get it. How in the world are they doing that and here I am struggling with a budget? To top that off I just found out they bought a big house! WTF? How? They have over 50 K in student loans, two car payments, credit card debt, and almost 20 k still owed on "our" home sine we had to accept less, and now they are buying a big house? How the he!! can they do that? 

No other sticking points besides those. 

Sorry to hijack, shoo. I had to vent a bit as well.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

YES! Your post has helped me sort out why I am so upset about what my ex is doing with the girlfriend/OW. I feel like 'our' family wasn't good enough, so he ran off and started a new one, complete with new wife and new kid. I feel replaced. I don't like that feeling.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

I know how you feel. My STBXH has been, ahem, "plowing" his way through women since we separated a year ago. And, of course, before that too.

There are still days I feel pretty badly about myself, and about how easy it apparently was to replace me. Other days I feel better, and can see what a flighty lunatic he is. But it hurts that our little family is no more. I put a lot of work into it.

Keep on keeping on, Shoo. Recovery is a long process. They're the hares and we're the turtles. We'll win in the end.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

It will be 2 years in September since the divorce was final and 2 1/2 years since the nightmare started. The pain is not one bit easier today that it was the day I found out about the affair. But having an autistic child at home I have not had time to deal with my own emotions. 

Triggers still happen. Some of them might sound really stupid thing but they trigger me. There are some days when I don't think too much usually if I am really busy at work.

Just like Shoo I miss the family. God only knows who important that was to me. He on the other hand is still with the OW and plays family with her and her kids. Shopping trips to NY, credit card debts, she let her house go into foreclosure etc. 

I honestly would have gotten more emotion from a sperm donor than this guy. He is polite to me and completely pretends like nothing happened.

I still have a lot of anger some days it is really bad. I know it is not healthy for me but I can't help it sometimes.

What makes me really mad is that he does not participate in the day to day upbringing of our son. He is in the US and I am in Canada. Yes he pays but for me it was never about the money, i need the help. I can only do so much. Some days I just wish I can close my eyes and never open them again.

Sorry Shoo to sort of highjack but your post really triggered me.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

It will soon be 2 years for me. Although I'm past the devastated feeling and doing pretty well, there are still thoughts and triggers. I wonder, how does a person just throw away 18 years?
Unlike some of the others here, my x wife isn't out painting the town since our divorce. She dated a jerk for a while, but after that, she hasn't dated and is living the same life we did. I don't know if that should make me feel better or worse. That makes me feel like that all she needed was to get rid of me for a happy life.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I know that theres a woman out there that will enjoy the experience of random acts of affection and attention that I most willingly and joyfully will give. I cant wait to "share" in that with someone, rather than feel like Ive dumped it out the window, and my needs along with it. 
But she has to have nice feet, this time. LOL.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

I feel the same way. My stbx threw us away after 22 years. And I was replaced way before he ever left me. So now he and posow are on a mini vaca with his parents. We haven't even signed divorce papers. I loved being a family with he and our son, guess he didn't.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

This might be a little off in direction but this is what your post made me think of most.

I left him, a few months before our second anniversary. So, we spent our second anniversary together, because we did love each other.

On that night I told him it was so unfair that all those years ago he told me I was the only reason he had to not just waste himself on drugs. I asked him if he knew what kind of a burden that places on someone, and how hard it is to constantly try to be better than something synthetic like that.

Now, he's doing exactly what he always said he would. Kudos to him I guess for one of the few honest things he's ever said to me, but it stings. 

I'm a resilient little person, I can detach if I have to, I don't need a strong sense of family, and we didn't have any kids. The power and weight of what he said then, and what he's doing now is what really burns me. 

I can tell you, I will never have anything to do with anyone who likes to play with drugs ever again even if they seem to have it together. it just won't happen, I can't do it.


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