# Been cheated on for last 1.5 years



## beenbetrayed

Hi,
So I just found out yesterday that my wife of 3 months, who I've been with for 7 years, has been cheating on me for 1.5 years. I can't even believe this is happening to me. We've been together since college and I've always loved her. I don't know what to do at this point? Is it even possible to move past this and save our marriage? I'm completely heart broken but I still do have feelings for her. We are going to go to a marriage councelor but I don't know how they can help me trust her again. She claims she wants to be with me and have a future with me but I can't even tell if shes lying anymore.


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## HerToo

You will be seeing a laundry list of things you need to do from others in this forum that have been there, on both sides in fact.

Sorry about the pain you are going through.


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## SadSamIAm

Every situation is different. Was she cheating with some random guy or some guy she has had a relationship with for a long time (before you)? These things make a difference to me. 

Only you know if you can ever trust her again. 

Protect yourself. Don't have children with this person for a long time.


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## Shaggy

Separate your money, and kick her out. Get an annulment. Anyone who would not only cheat on you while engaged, bit then go ahead and marry you isnt someone worth bring married to.

Don't be a doormat, kick her to the curb and get the lie of the marriage she tricked you into annullled. Then see a lawyer to find out if you can sue her to get back the money you waste getting married.

Show her their are consequences for lying and cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

She was cheating up to and after giving her vows? That isn't a woman you should even try to stay with, her wedding and vows meant nothing to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings

Shaggy said:


> She was cheating up to and after giving her vows? That isn't a woman you should even try to stay with, her wedding and vows meant nothing to her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: It's very hard, and it's very sad. But if she was cheating before you got married during the engagement, the vows took with you were nothing more than reading a script to her. She never meant it. I'm sorry  I have been in the same situation.


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## Jellybeans

How did you find out? Did she tell you? Who is the guy? Does he have a girlf/wife?


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## desert-rose

beenbetrayed said:


> Hi,
> So I just found out yesterday that my wife of 3 months, who I've been with for 7 years, has been cheating on me for 1.5 years. I can't even believe this is happening to me. We've been together since college and I've always loved her. I don't know what to do at this point? Is it even possible to move past this and save our marriage? I'm completely heart broken but I still do have feelings for her. We are going to go to a marriage councelor but I don't know how they can help me trust her again. She claims she wants to be with me and have a future with me but I can't even tell if shes lying anymore.


I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm going through a very similar thing. I think it's a good sign that she is willing to go to counseling with you. A lot of people here will have helpful advice and anecdotes from their own experiences, which are going to be better than what I have to say. I can just tell you that I know it hurts like hell and it will for a little while. I'd have a better time with handling my situation if my husband wanted to go to counseling instead of just pretending that I'm the bad guy for exposing the affair, rather than he being the bad guy for having one. I have heard from people that it's possible to make a marriage stronger after an affair, but that both people need to be invested in making it work and the guilty party needs to be willing to accept his/her wrongdoing and be willing to do the work of regaining the trust of the spouse who has been hurt by that wrongdoing. Hang in there and keep posting here because people have lots of great advice and support here.


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## beenbetrayed

The guy was someone she met at work a couple years ago. He doesn't work there anymore. 

She said that she wanted to tell me awhile ago, before the wedding. We had a big fight one day and she told me she's confused about us....and then the very next day her mom tried to commit suicide cuz she's been battling depression ever since my wife's husband died... 

After that we never really talked about anything too much. She now said that she didn't want to break her mom's heart by ending canceling the wedding and risk her trying to take her life again. 

I don't know what to do. She does seem like she wants to make things work. I do believe she's really willing... but who knows. I could just be in denial.

I was always the guy that said I wouldn't hesitate to end things if something like this happens. It's just so complicated now though. And I still have feelings for her.....but I donno, I also don't know if I can see things being the same


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## that_girl

Counseling won't work until she stops seeing the OM.


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## that_girl

beenbetrayed said:


> She said that she wanted to tell me awhile ago, before the wedding.


Too bad she didn't. It would have saved you a lot of money and time.


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## aug

Based on what you wrote, the answer seems simple enough. Divorce/annul the marriage.

But...

Any kids?
Together since college, assume neither been married/engaged before?


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## aug

beenbetrayed said:


> She said that she wanted to tell me awhile ago, before the wedding. We had a big fight one day and she told me she's confused about us....and then the very next day her mom tried to commit suicide cuz she's been battling depression ever since my *wife's husband* died...


Can you explain "wife's husband"?


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## beenbetrayed

I found text messages between her and her friend. The guy is married (but separated I think) with 2 kids. She ended it with the other guy yesterday. She claims that she'll never talk to him again and wants to just focus on us. 

Neither of us have ever been married or engaged.


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## beenbetrayed

aug said:


> Can you explain "wife's husband"?


oops. Sorry, I meant wife's dad


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## aug

beenbetrayed said:


> After that we never really talked about anything too much. She now said that she didn't want to break her mom's heart by ending canceling the wedding and* risk her trying to take her life again*.
> 
> I don't know what to do. She does seem like she wants to make things work. I do believe she's really willing... but who knows. I could just be in denial.


She might use "suicide" as a way to hold your marriage together?


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## Jellybeans

You need to tell his wife. Immediately.


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## Lon

I agree with Shaggy on this one - her vows meant nothing to her, she has been using you in order to be her provider and protector, but not her lover since she has that with someone else. In other words she has no love for you, she will take as much as she can from you while giving as little as possible to string you along. She is toxic and her mom's emotional state has nothing to do with your needs, she likely is using that as well to guilt you into remaining her provider.


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## aug

Okay, she was seeing a married man? And just broke it off yesterday?

Seeing a married man means she does not value marriage much.

And it's too soon for her to say anything meaningful. Whatever she is saying now does not matter much because she's in the "fog". And she'll say anything right now.


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## Jellybeans

Reed and heed this advice (copy/pasted from another person's infidelity story, but the rules apply to you as well):



Jellybeans said:


> _Here's the thing about exposure: *NEVER GIVE YOUR SPOUSE OR THE OTHER WOMAN/MAN WARNING THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO EXPOSE. JUST DO IT!!!*
> 
> Why?
> 
> Because that will give her and the OM time to get their stories straight/corroborate timelines and make YOU out to be the crazy/psycho husband who has trust issues and is going through a hard time in his marriage, therefore he suspects his wife is cheating on him and wants to lash out at everyone. They WILL do this if you keep giving them warnings. Oh and you bet she's told him already "My husband knows...if someone asks we can just say we're friends" and have already started planning and concocting their stupid excuses and lame cover up stories.
> 
> Find out who his wife is and exposes immediately:
> 
> "OM's Wife,
> 
> Your husband, Name, has been having an affair with my Wife's Name since on or about Month/Year. I discovered the affair by way of (fill in the blank). (Copy/paste or verbalize any proof you have). Their affair has been detrimental to my marriage. My wife told me the affair ended however I have proof contradicts that--they are still having an affair and in contact. I am telling you this because you deserve to know the truth. If you were already aware of the affair, then I am sure that this comes as no surprise to you, but if not, I am sorry to have to be the one to inform you. If you want to talk further or need further proof, you may contact me (at....fill in the blank).
> 
> Your Name"
> 
> THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> F them! And no, your wife doesn't sound like he wants to work it out with you if she's still lying to you. So expose her for the liar she is without telling her or OM. And in the interim, tell her "I am aware you are lying to me and still in contact with the OM. You need to leave today because I refuse to live in an open marriage. I refuse to be treated so callously and be lied to and I will not tolerate this nonsense and your betrayals anymore. Get the f*ck out, homes!"
> 
> Remove yourself as an option for her. She will not feel any consequences as long as you're covering up the affair and allowing him to stay in the house/carry on as a married man with all the benefits of a committed relationship. She is not committed to your marriage, therefore you do not need to reward her with the same generosity and pat her on the back and feel fearful when she is the one making these d!ck moves. Tell her where to go. _
> 
> Oh and a word of advice: NO marriage counselling as long as she's having an affair. MC does nothing as long as one partner is still lying/having an affair.


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## Shaggy

Her story doesn't check out. If she wanted to be a good wife, and she didnt want to upset her mother, she could have stopped cheating. She certainly could have stopped it because she was getting married.

She didn't. All she did was continue to play you.

Kick her out, AND find the guys wife and tell her about her cheating husband.

Don't let her crocodile tears cloudyour judgment. A good person would not do what she has done. I bet she would have even gotten pregnant by the other guy and had you raise the kid.

Please listen to people here, and don't give into fear or other emotional games. The woman who married you is a liar and a cheat. Get her out of your life today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

Oh and ultimately the decision is yours what to do here but if you've only been married 3 months and she's been cheating on you nearly 2 years, me personally--I would get an annullment. This is way too much drama for only 90 days of marriage.

Still, you need to let the OM's wife know.


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## desert-rose

beenbetrayed said:


> She said that she wanted to tell me awhile ago, before the wedding. We had a big fight one day and she told me she's confused about us....
> 
> She now said that she didn't want to break her mom's heart by ending canceling the wedding and risk her trying to take her life again.


Sounds like she isn't quite sure what she wants. That's why counseling is good. Sounds like you're not sure if things can work and that's also why counseling is good. But, transparency and honesty are really important. If she's still seeing the other guy, or not being honest to herself or you, then there are already big problems here. You can't ever have what you had before because that is forever gone, but you might be able to rebuild something else -- but only if it's really what both of you want. You wouldn't want to be with someone who is ambivalent about you, in the end, right? That's what I'm trying to remember. Just take your time to figure out what you really want and then see if you can understand her motivations, too. Good luck.


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## Shaggy

Oh, and she's lying about never tslking to him again. She will just fund a way that you don't know about. Expose both of them and make the affair as hard for them as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## desert-rose

Shaggy said:


> Oh, and she's lying about never tslking to him again. She will just fund a way that you don't know about. Expose both of them and make the affair as hard for them as possible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think I agree with this. If she has been carrying on with this person for 1.5 years and doing so both before and during your marriage, I doubt she will actually just stop talking to him. I am guessing she will just be more secretive.


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## aug

Continuing with the marriage will bring you a lifetime of pain.

She lacks integrity, faithfulness and trustworthiness.

You'll never know if you will be the biological father of any of your children.

You'll never know when she goes out if she's seeing someone else.

You'll never know when you may get a STD.

You'll never know when she's telling the truth.


Maybe someday she'll develop a higher standard? Maybe not?


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## aug

desert-rose said:


> You can't ever have what you had before because that is forever gone


This is so true. 

What a way to start a long-term marriage relationship!


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## CH

Get the anullment, then let her work towards fixing your relationship. If you do decide to get back together, have her sign a pre-nup.

Protect yourself at this point and work on yourself, then look at the situation to see if you still want to be with her. You're still young and if she's not the one, you still have time.


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## Rob774

Sorry OP, your marriage was over before it ever began. SOME, and i do mean some of us can get over an affair, especially if it was just once, and just basically sex. 

But i think the majority of us draws the line forever when its an ongoing affair. Because usually its both an Emotional and Physical Affair. You just can't flip the switch to "off" when its been going on for so long. Trust me, you never knew this woman. No matter who she was when you met her, her saying yes to your engagement proposal, and her holding your hands up the alter. She wasn't the woman you thought she was. I could never look her in the face again. The damage is done, and even if you could forgive her, you could never forget the image of somebody on top of her for the last year and a half when she should of been only loving you. You deserve better, and she doesn't deserve and resemblence of happyness.


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## beenbetrayed

How long before you can get an anullment because our actual court marriage was in May. Three months ago is when we did it with the family and when we actually moved in together


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## Shaggy

You need to talk with a lawyer ASAP. Your options vary from place to place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans

beenbetrayed said:


> How long before you can get an anullment because our actual court marriage was in May.


It varies from place to place. Google what your state laws are re: annullment (if you're in the U.S.). An attorney and your local court can also give you this info.

Oh and it goes without saying but: get tested for STDs.


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## F-102

Even if she is remorseful and never cheats again, will you be able to get past that little voice in your head saying that she did this once, she may do it again?

Sounds like she married you because she thought that you would be a stabilizing force in her life, and that getting married would make all of her personal demons go away.


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## morituri

beenbetrayed, I divorced my ex-wife after I saw a video of her and the OM engaging in sex. She had been cheating on me for over a year, just like your wife. Did I love my wife? You bet and divorcing her was one of the most painful experiences of my life. But you know what? Love without trust is not enough for a viable marriage. As one of the posters already stated, a one night stand can be more easily overcomed but a long term affair like your wife's and my ex-wife's is simply too addicting for them to just simply end it - as many of us here have already found out first hand.

Whatever you decide, keep in mind that personal recovery for a betrayed spouse can take anywhere from 2 to 5 years to be achieved. The dreaded emotional roller coaster can be draining. And your wife will have to do the heavy lifting to regain your trust. The chances of your marriage surviving even under the best of circumstances is approximately 35%. So think this carefuly before you jump in to marital reconciliation.


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## Jellybeans

You're only three months into being married...this is no good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Initfortheduration

I agree with the others, divorce or annul. She used you and spent your love on another man. If you don't have kids (or even if you do), you need to kick her to the curb. Separate all finances. Do not give her access to your money.


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## Voiceofreason

If you go through the various threads on this subject and on any infidelity forum, you will find scores of stories where there was infidelity early in the marriage, reconciliation that lasted for some time, and then the infidelity is repeated--sometimes years later--with the betrayed spouse wondering why they didn't heed the obvious warning signs...and sometimes now trapped by children and alimony obligations.

I have two words for you: (1) run! and (2) annulment.

This woman has (thankfully) revealed who she is, her lack of character, what she thinks of you, and what she thinks of marriage at a time where you can get out and start over without years of history, children, joint possessions etc. Get out while the getting is good my friend....take that money you might use for counselling and spend it on attorney fees....get er done...


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## bryanp

Oh my God, this is beyond the pale.

She was having sex for 1.5 years and you have only been married for 3 months. She has been screwing this guy right up to the wedding and screwing him during your honeymoon period as well as putting your health at risk for STD's.

Please seek an attorney for an annulment. You would be out of your mind to stay with someone like this. You both need to get checked for STD's. Clearly her marriage vows to you were a farce. This woman has a total broken moral compass. Clearly she had no intention of ever telling you and would still be screwing this guy behind your back. 

You have been married only 3 months. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be so accepting as you have been? If she had gotten pregnant by her lover I doubt she would have even told. Do not waste your life on an amoral individual as your wife. You would have to be in big time denial not to see this. Her action indicate clearly she has absolutely no respect for you or her wedding vows. If you do not respect yourself then who will? This is so unbelievable.


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## Saffron

I'm in recovery with my husband after he had a 7 month EA/PA and also confessed to a PA 10 years ago. We've been married almost 15 years, together for 17 and have two children. I can honestly say this is the hardest and most painful thing I've ever had to go through. If we just had 7 years together, no children, and only married 3 months. . . I would've walked. 

I love my husband, but trying to recover from his affairs is incredibly painful. He's doing everything he can to rebuild trust, but it will take time. He realizes why he cheated and is doing the heavy introspection to make changes in himself so it doesn't happen again. But I will always be vigilant. I will never trust him like I did the day I married him, but at least on that day he deserved my trust. Sadly, your wife did not.

I agree that you should go ahead with an annulement or divorce. If after counseling you want to marry her again, then you can have a wedding day that isn't tainted by an affair.

Good luck and do what is best for you.


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## couple

I agree that you never really knew her. This is not a simple slip-up, it's living a dual life.

Your only hope is if you could ever start all over again with her....emotionally separate, wipe slate clean and build a relationship from scratch that's not based on lies.

From hearing your story, I don't think this is possible as there is too much baggage. Better to start new with someone else as painful as that might be.


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## jnj express

Check your state's family codes, in re: anulment---they are on line---just go to google type in, your state family codes---it will give you everything

Get your anulment---so you are free to move on, if that is what you need to do

This woman has been looking you in the eyes every night for 18 months, and lying to you

She has been allowing you to have sloppy 2nds, why would you wanna stay with someone, who as she was taking her vows, was spreading her legs for another---is that the kind of person you wanna love, and stay with.

She just ended it yesterday---I doubt that---you just don't dump someone cold turkey after 18 months of sex, and passion, or whatever she wants to call it

What would bother me, is, as she is standing there taking her vows, who was she thinking about you, or him

If you really want a future, with this person, get an anulment, then go from there, you can always get a judge to re-marry you, if that is what you want---but what she did to you, I don't know how you even look at her---your whole wedding was a lie!!!!!!


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## beenbetrayed

It's over. Your guys's posts helped a lot but I don't see how I'm ever gonna stop hurting
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH

beenbetrayed said:


> It's over. Your guys's posts helped a lot but I don't see how I'm ever gonna stop hurting
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you’ve thrown the switch and it’s definitely over for you, you will start grieving your loss. They say it’s a month for every year together. So seven months to a year of a roller coaster of emotions is ahead of you. Including one heck of a lot of anger and sadness. Look into the grieving process so that you know you are not alone in these things, start with 7 STAGES OF GRIEF. Use your anger for positive things, most especially for becoming physically strong. I got two very big punch bags and a multigymn I could get on when I just could get rid of the anger. It does need an outlet, a constructive outlet.

When things got really bad I found that in time it passed. So when again I hit a wall of emotions I’d say to myself “This too shall pass”. And it did. You will come out of this a better and more learned man, most especially more learned about yourself. And you will come to terms with who your wife is and like me with mine you may well see her as two people, the one you knew and the one you didn’t know at all.


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## bryanp

Thank goodness that you did the right thing. You now need immediately to get checked for STD's. You are hurting now of course. In the long run you will look back at this and know that you did the correct thing. You will be much happier in the future. I guarantee it.


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## Jellybeans

beenbetrayed said:


> It's over. Your guys's posts helped a lot but I don't see how I'm ever gonna stop hurting
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What happened? What did she say? YESSS--Get tested for STDs STAT.


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## beenbetrayed

I installed a keylogger on my computer. Man I just can't even believe what I found. She had a secret email that she used to keep in touch with him. Dated back to over a year. She was messaging him around our wedding dates, and from our honeymoon saying that she would rather be there with him. And she didn't cut contact with him even though she repeatedly swore to me that she would. I can't believe someone I trusted so much was capable of all of this. Seven years gone down the drain


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## aug

Sorry this happened to you.

Now you know.


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## Jellybeans

So what are you going to do?


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## beenbetrayed

its over. i left last night. im gonna have my friend pick up my stuff. i told all my family and friends so theres no coming back from it after that. she's a goddamn evil person that i want completely out of my life


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## crossbar

How did she react to your discovery?


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## beenbetrayed

she told me she loves him more than she loves me.


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## Almostrecovered

start doing damage control before she tries to rewrite history, expose her to everyone including her family


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## Entropy3000

beenbetrayed said:


> I installed a keylogger on my computer. Man I just can't even believe what I found. She had a secret email that she used to keep in touch with him. Dated back to over a year. *She was messaging him around our wedding dates, and from our honeymoon saying that she would rather be there with him.* And she didn't cut contact with him even though she repeatedly swore to me that she would. I can't believe someone I trusted so much was capable of all of this. Seven years gone down the drain


OMG. Why in the world was she marrying you?


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## Entropy3000

beenbetrayed said:


> its over. i left last night. im gonna have my friend pick up my stuff. i told all my family and friends so theres no coming back from it after that. she's a goddamn evil person that i want completely out of my life


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Jellybeans

I would have printed out the emails where she wrote to him, especially the one from your honeymoon saying she'd rather be w/ him, and leave it on her bed/nightstandw hen you go back to get your stuff. W/o a note. Without anything. Just the email. I'd prob highlight it with a highlighter.

Sorry to hear this happened but it's better you found out now instead of 10 years from now. Sounds like she had zero intention of breaking off the affair with him.

Who is the guy? If he's married, you need to tell his wife (Save copies of the emails, too).


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## Almostrecovered

beenbetrayed said:


> The guy is married (but separated I think) with 2 kids.



even though OM is separated, the wife still needs to know- for several reasons


1) she could be trying to reconcile with him
2) she may have no idea why he left and is blaming herself
3) she may give you even more pertinent details if she knows already, I know you've basically seen enough to divorce but knowledge is always powerful


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## beenbetrayed

my friend actually works with her in the same office and he wants to put everything out in the open and just ruin her rep at work. Not sure if thats a good idea. what do you guys think?

She changed the password to the email now. I did save a few of them on my phone. I don't even know how to get a hold of her wife. His facebook is blocked


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## Almostrecovered

try spokeo.com for the wife


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## Jellybeans

You have no control over what your friend does. I definitely think you need to find out who this guy's wife is and tell her about the affair her husband's been having for nearly 2 years now.


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## knightblaster

beenbetrayed said:


> she told me she loves him more than she loves me.


I'm sorry about the trouble you're going through. Anyway you slice it, where you are now is a very painful place. It does eventually get better, with time.

The silver lining here, if there is any, is that your marriage has been relatively brief. That doesn't take much of an edge off the pain, but it does make things otherwise somewhat easier.

If she told you the quoted statement, and she was not just saying it for other reasons (and let's presume she was not), my guess is that the OM was "Plan A", but was unavailable to marry (already married to someone else), and you were "Plan B" (less wanted than Plan A but, unlike Plan A, available). At some point she may have wanted to cut it off with Plan A, but couldn't bring herself to do so, so she decided to be the OW to Plan A while marrying her Plan B so she could get both a marriage of her own and maintain her access to Plan A. 

Do you know when the OM was separated? If it has been recently (last 6 months, given your schedule here), that may have also tripped your W into a mode of seeing Plan A as potentially more viable (due to potentially being available if he divorced his wife), which may also have motivated her to maintain the affair with Plan A.

Very nasty stuff indeed, really. Terrible, in fact. And terrible pain. But getting away from someone like that, as painful as it will be for you, is also much, much better for you in the medium term and beyond.


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## Almostrecovered

also- since the affair started at work, inform her HR department that she and OM are using company time to conduct their affair. Much more effective than getting your friend involved


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## F-102

Guess her cake-eating days are over. Expose to everyone involved.


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## Entropy3000

beenbetrayed said:


> my friend actually works with her in the same office and he wants to put everything out in the open and just ruin her rep at work. Not sure if thats a good idea. what do you guys think?
> 
> She changed the password to the email now. I did save a few of them on my phone. I don't even know how to get a hold of her wife. His facebook is blocked


Why not?


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## beenbetrayed

Now she's calling me saying she wants me back and begging me to come home..... It's the hardest thing in the world to tell her it's not possible anymore..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Locard

Shocker.....


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## Almostrecovered

gee, I wonder if OM decided to tell her that he doesn't want a relationship now


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## ArmyofJuan

beenbetrayed said:


> Now she's calling me saying she wants me back and begging me to come home..... It's the hardest thing in the world to tell her it's not possible anymore..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You’re doing the right thing; if she is fantasizing about another guy on your honeymoon then she didn’t marry you for love. She probably was just using you anyway and is scared to be alone without your support.

Affairs, especially long ones that are still pretty recent don’t end overnight. If you were to try to work things out with her chances are she would start it up again when she started to miss him and the dust settles. She didn’t give you much of a choice and don’t feel too bad for her, she brought this on herself. Maybe she’ll learn something from this.


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## bryanp

She is a real piece of work. The OM probably dumped her and she wants you to be the fall back - doormat guy. I don't think this should be hard for you at all. She has played you for a total fool. You deserve so much better than this. If the roles were reversed she would have already divorced you.


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## beenbetrayed

bryanp said:


> She is a real piece of work. The OM probably dumped her and she wants you to be the fall back - doormat guy. I don't think this should be hard for you at all. She has played you for a total fool. You deserve so much better than this. If the roles were reversed she would have already divorced you.


Yea he did end it with her. According to her anyway. I know i shouldnt even care and that everything is all her fault but it's almost hard for me not to feel bad for her. She literally has no one now. She lost him, me, my family, her own family, and even most of her friends are on my side and want nothing to do with her anymore. She's gotta be in a horrible place.... It's hard enough for me, I can't even imagine what she's going through.... But then I guess she deserves it..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadof3

BB - you know the rules for R. she's got to do the heavy lifting - somehow she needs to know / understand this, yet you will proceed with D, unless she undertakes the heavy lifting with remorse and you change your mind based on her progress.

Otherwise, stay the course and go dark. OM got full of cake. He'll probably be back in her life at some point in future when his "stomach for cake" has returned.

Tell her that it must suck to be her, betraying everyone like that! Hard for her to imagine that everyone else has feelings too!


----------



## beenbetrayed

No, there's no chance of R anymore. With all the things I now know after reading her secret email account, it's impossible. And at this point I would probably lose all of my family and friends if I got back with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aug

beenbetrayed said:


> No, there's no chance of R anymore. With all the things I now know after reading her secret email account, it's impossible. And at this point I would probably lose all of my family and friends if I got back with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I would say your position on R is a healthy one for you.


----------



## sadcalifornian

Better late than never. It's shame that you wasted 7 years of your life, but hey now you know the "real" her. She never was who you thought she was. 

Move on. I am sure you will find a good faithful woman just around corner someday.


----------



## Dadof3

you can text her "so sad for you right now. NOT!"  Tell her not to let the door to the marriage hit her in the azz on the way out.


----------



## Shaggy

Then just skip the drama and tell her that after reading her email and seeing her true cod ugly heart, there is no way you could ever even see yourself being kind to her let alone being stupid enough to actually trust her with your love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## F-102

He threw her under the bus, and now she "realizes" the mistake she has made-why am I not surprised.


----------



## sadcalifornian

Actually this type of situation seems more common than people realize. When a single woman becomes OW for the MM, she sometimes decide to date another single man and even marry to settle down, all the while still carrying on the secret rendezvous with MM. Some MM even encourages her to date other men to settle down out of guilt or to get her off his back a little.


----------



## aug

Eventually you should expose the affair to the other man's wife, if you havent done so already.


----------



## beenbetrayed

aug said:


> Eventually you should expose the affair to the other man's wife, if you havent done so already.


I already did. Told her last week
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

Well that explains him throwing her under the bus.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Shaggy said:


> Well that explains him throwing her under the bus.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup. She had the nerve to text me "I thought he loved me". Lol. Hilarious
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sadcalifornian

beenbetrayed said:


> Yup. She had the nerve to text me "I thought he loved me". Lol. Hilarious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How old is she, 15?


----------



## morituri

beenbetrayed said:


> Yup. She had the nerve to text me "I thought he loved me". Lol. Hilarious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I always love it when the OM dumps them.


----------



## Shaggy

morituri said:


> I always love it when the OM dumps them.


Yeah, good times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ello1012

A cheater has cheated and she thinks she can uncheat the one thing that can not be uncheated, since it's happened, that one thing is MArriage. You have sighned a contract by her emotionaly and physicaly with heart fealt approval by both families to let two individuals come togethor as 1 and bear a family to progress children to be even better people, in the name of the 1 and ongly God willing. You can be merciful see how far that goes... but infidelity is infidelity, don't let a cheater ruen you and your family, especialy your children. A cheater has been nothing more than selfish and only considerabley interested in her / his own lustful sick well beings. you need to continue on and parry this nonesense, adn move out and or on. if she been having sex with other men befroe marriage, then thats a sign that she's interested in having alot of sex in marriage, God willin git's not true. Al woman and men can change and will change if they choose to. Wtach and see, if life / your marriage has been short live, best thing to do is find a woman with values that can be upheld and respected as a better woman/ mother and or stepmother and a for sure longer lasting approved wife.
Islam means PEACE!Lol!


----------



## Arnold

Shaggy said:


> She was cheating up to and after giving her vows? That isn't a woman you should even try to stay with, her wedding and vows meant nothing to her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. Short term marriage, no kids?-bail as fast as you can.
I know this hurtslike hell. But, she has shown youher true self.You are blessed in that regard(not to minimize your pain and the trauma). The survival rate after infidelity is abyssmal.


----------



## tacoma

beenbetrayed said:


> Yup. She had the nerve to text me "I thought he loved me". Lol. Hilarious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG that`s rich.

It sounds evil but honestly you should get a little pleasure from her pain right now.
She deserves it.


----------



## Shaggy

beenbetrayed said:


> Yup. She had the nerve to text me "I thought he loved me". Lol. Hilarious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You should have texted back, "funny you should say that, I recently had a similar experience"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Ello1012

I agree, you must tell the othe rmans wife, its a fact he's betraying her, think of how broken that mans wife must be god iwllign great things happen in the name fo the 1 and onyl maeen asalaam klolpeacE!Lol:!)


----------



## Jellybeans

beenbetrayed said:


> Yup. She had the nerve to text me "I thought he loved me". Lol. Hilarious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow! I would've texted her back: LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Arnold

In addition to all the pain attendant to the cheating and lying, Ithink one of the major obstacles for men whose wives demonstrates this type of really stupid, immature behavior, is the embarrassment one feels being married to such a dim bulb.
I mean, really, how can you ever respect someone so dumb and immature such that she would text you something like that.
It is downright pathetic, and i would feel as if i was having relations with a vulnerable adult if I ever had sex with her again.
When I hear this mooning over "soulmates" etc, it really makes me wonder how these folks ever functioned in the real world.


----------



## MrQuatto

Ello1012 said:


> I agree, you must tell the othe rmans wife, its a fact he's betraying her, think of how broken that mans wife must be god iwllign great things happen in the name fo the 1 and onyl maeen asalaam klolpeacE!Lol:!)


He already did. 

Not sure how to decipher the rest of this..

Q~


----------



## F-102

beenbetrayed said:


> Yup. She had the nerve to text me "I thought he loved me". Lol. Hilarious
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would have texted: "That's a shame-I know you are hurting right now, and I'm sorry. Please stay strong and keep your head up-because you're going to need your strength when you get the divorce papers."


----------



## Lon

Arnold said:


> In addition to all the pain attendant to the cheating and lying, Ithink one of the major obstacles for men whose wives demonstrates this type of really stupid, immature behavior, is the embarrassment one feels being married to such a dim bulb.
> I mean, really, how can you ever respect someone so dumb and immature such that she would text you something like that.
> It is downright pathetic, and i would feel as if i was having relations with a vulnerable adult if I ever had sex with her again.
> When I hear this mooning over "soulmates" etc, it really makes me wonder how these folks ever functioned in the real world.


this rings true for me. I am kinda embarassed that I was devoted to someone so... immature. I see my stbxw seemingly unraveling, often texting me asking things about our child a half-decent mom ought to be able to figure out pretty easily... like when he was with her earlier this week "he has a rash and fever and is tired and cranky WHAT SHOULD I DO"... me: "um well let him rest it off or take him to a doctor" (free access to healthcare where I live) her: "ok good idea" then later when I asked what the doctor said, her:"no, his rash faded and temp is normal now". palmface. When it concerns my child I'll intervene and provide the necessary leadership to make such obvious decisions, but to see her completely unrepentent and focussed on her new priorities I sometimes see why cavemen had to slap some sense into their wives (sarcasm, I'm not advocating physical abuse here).


----------



## beenbetrayed

So I've been thinking a lot about my and my stbxw relationship and I'm pretty sure that she has cheated in the past as well. There were a couple of guys that I have been suspicious of and lately I feel like I really want to find out. One of the guys is a friend of one of my good friends so I'm wondering if I should pursue trying to find out or just drop it... What do you guys think?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aug

beenbetrayed said:


> So I've been thinking a lot about my and my stbxw relationship and I'm pretty sure that she has cheated in the past as well. There were a couple of guys that I have been suspicious of and lately I feel like I really want to find out. One of the guys is a friend of one of my good friends so I'm wondering if I should pursue trying to find out or just drop it... What do you guys think?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



If you are getting divorce then it doesnt matter.

Do it if you want clarity or the truth. Depends if it is important to you or not.

Personally, I would want to know as much as possible so that I have a better picture of the stbxw.


----------



## beenbetrayed

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I haven't gone more than 4 days without talking to her. She's always the one that gets in touch with me first but I gotta say I miss her like crazy when she doesn't. Cant believe she ruined everything so goddamn bad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Initfortheduration

Don't let her wear you down. Did you find out about her and the other guys. Dude, she's a skank. Dump her and find someone true to love.


----------



## alphaomega

You need to stop talking to her. You need to do the 180. This is for your benefit. The 180 will make you stronger mentally.

Did you find out about the feasibility of an annulment ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Darth Vader

alphaomega said:


> You need to stop talking to her. You need to do the 180. This is for your benefit. The 180 will make you stronger mentally.
> 
> Did you find out about the feasibility of an annulment ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Normally I wouldn't suggest this, but, since you're hurting..........

Everytime you start to miss her, think of her straddling her Loser OM, riding him and orgasming! That'll help to rid that missing her crap FAST!


----------



## beenbetrayed

No I still haven't decided if I want to know if there were other guys. I'm almost positive there was but it would just devastate me all over again if I found out for sure. Don't get me wrong, there's no chance of me going back to her. I havent seen her since I left more than a month ago and have no intention to. It's just tough as hell going from talking to someone every day for 7 years to not at all. 

Where can I see the 180? Yea the lawyer is saying that we will most likely be able to get the annulment. Hopefully that will go through soon.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Darth Vader said:


> Normally I wouldn't suggest this, but, since you're hurting..........
> 
> Everytime you start to miss her, think of her straddling her Loser OM, riding him and orgasming! That'll help to rid that missing her crap FAST!


Haha yea I go back and read the emails that I found but then I just feel like crap. Imagining them doing that makes me feel pretty ****ty too lol. But you're right I don't miss her when I think of that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AngryandUsed

*What do I do, AlmostRecovered?*



Almostrecovered said:


> start doing damage control before she tries to rewrite history, expose her to everyone including her family



Male, 46, Indian, living for the past 2 years away from family which is in India. Visiting them once in three months. Wife is taking care of kids. Married for 16 years. Arranged marriage.

Three months ago, she confessed that she had an EA with a school mate. Her family members ended the affair and married her off to me. I did not know about the affair until her confession.

I also observed that she is a bit flirtatious to other younger men and gives them contact numbers (in my presence). Talked to an unmarried neighbor in whisper on her mobile. I could notice these two things apart from her non participative sex with me. She just engaged in sex as if nothing was happening.

I am very angry after knowing her EA, and feel used up. She says that if she had her way, she would have married the school mate. Recently, she told me that the school mate was smarter than me, and remembered his date of birth to me.
Denies any physical affair with the school mate. 

Have lovely kids, and I don't want them to suffer for no fault of theirs. She has the fighting tendency with all the family members and there is no friend for her. I know that she is a caring person and very possessive. Gets angry very quickly and it is me and kids that bear the brunt.
Please help me by advising on:
1. How to get the truth if she had any physical affair with the school mate?
2. How to know if she has any affair with any other man? I am living in a foreign country.
3. How to make things better?

Lost 10 kilos in three months, not able to apply myself properly to work, feel very depressed and angry. 

She confessed about the school mate only after a fight. She questioned me about all my friends and whatever is happening to me. I asked if you are asking questions about me, what I am doing here, tell me about your friends. In 16 years of married life, there was no mention at all.

She became angry and said if she told me about her friends I would not be able to bear and asked me to leave that subject for the good of both of us. Then I asked her what is that matter which I cannot bear.

That is how she came to confess about the EA.

Leaving that EA 16 years ago, why is she flirting with younger men? Why is she talking in whisper to my unmarried neighbor? These are the signs. Plus, there was no emotional union in the sex.

That is how I came to suspect. Is there a way to make her tell the truth?


----------



## alphaomega

Angryandused...

You should post this in its own thread for the best support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Hey angryandused,
Sorry to hear about your situation. Can you start a different thread and maybe remove this post from this thread to get the best advice? Thanks

Also, can someone link me to the 180? It would be appreciated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem

1. Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

2. No frequent phone calls.

3. Don't point out "good points" in marriage.

4. Don't follow her/him around the house.

5. Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.

6. Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS.

7. Don't ask for reassurances.

8. Don't buy or give gifts.

9. Don't schedule dates together.

10. Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable.

11. Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!

12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.

13. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!

14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!

15. If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. 

16. Seem totally uninterested. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life with out them!

17. Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.

18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.

19. All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!

20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!

21. Don't be overly enthusiastic.

22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!

23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!

24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.

25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.

26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.

27. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.

28. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!

29. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

30. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"

31. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.

32. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW."


----------



## aug

alphaomega said:


> Angryandused...
> 
> You should post this in its own thread for the best support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Found it here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/27428-how-get-truth.html

now back to regular programming...


----------



## beenbetrayed

Thanks for that. These are good rules but it almost seems like this is for people that may want to get back with their WS. I definitely do not. The only contact I have with her right now is when she randomly texts me every few days and then I can't help myself and text back. And then that usually ends up in a fight and name calling. Sometimes it's civil, but I'm thinking that there's no point in even keeping contact, even if it is civil.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

actually, the list LM posted is to help you detach from the relationship and become stronger and more self-sufficient


----------



## beenbetrayed

So do you think cutting all contact completely with her is the way to go? It's so hard for me to think that I'll never speak to her again after 7.5 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem

It's not an all inclusive list. Its more of a guide, modify it to suit your situation. And your situation is to gain strength, rid yourself of any codependency issues.


----------



## aug

beenbetrayed said:


> So do you think cutting all contact completely with her is the way to go? It's so hard for me to think that I'll never speak to her again after 7.5 years.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



You'll speak to her again. But just not right now. Divorce and move on.


----------



## beenbetrayed

Alright thanks a lot guys. I gotta say that posting here always makes me feel a lot better. It's a great place (even though I wish I never had to find it lol)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem

beenbetrayed said:


> Alright thanks a lot guys. I gotta say that posting here always makes me feel a lot better. It's a great place (even though I wish I never had to find it lol)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is the club that no one ever wants to join...our wayward spouses enrolled us without our knowledge.


----------



## Tall Average Guy

beenbetrayed said:


> So do you think cutting all contact completely with her is the way to go? It's so hard for me to think that I'll never speak to her again after 7.5 years.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Perhaps you should ask yourself the following questions: With what you know about her and how she has treated you, why would you want to talk to her again?


----------



## beenbetrayed

Tall Average Guy said:


> Perhaps you should ask yourself the following questions: With what you know about her and how she has treated you, why would you want to talk to her again?


Yea I've definitely thought that. And I really have no good answer.... But that still doesn't completely take away from how hard it is to completely cut someone out of your life forever when you've known them for so long and been through so much together. She was my life ever since i started college. But yea I mean I definitely see your point. She's the one that threw everything away
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

Just like addictions, one day at a time, stop repling to her text, it is so unhealthy for you.

Everytime you return her text you are back to day one in healing from this pain. You will find that the pain will fade eachday as you continue to stay away from her.

I want to stop drinking, but I keep having that one beer and it start all over again. Get it?

Move on, one day at a time, set a goal. As time passes the need to contact her will pass, but you must avoid her and her drama or you will never heal and this need for her won't go away.

So please emotional protect your self and stop returning her text.


----------



## beenbetrayed

Yea for sure. I know you guys are right. I don't trust myself to not respond to her text messages so I'm just gonna have her number blocked through AT&T. She's already ruined so many of my nights out with my friends, I can't let her do that anymore. Especially with the holidays coming up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tall Average Guy

beenbetrayed said:


> Yea I've definitely thought that. And I really have no good answer.... But that still doesn't completely take away from how hard it is to completely cut someone out of your life forever when you've known them for so long and been through so much together. She was my life ever since i started college. But yea I mean I definitely see your point. She's the one that threw everything away
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't mean to discount your point, only make you think about your situation and why you are at this point. I am sure it is difficult for you. Just remember why you are where you are, and continue to ask this question. As long as you answer it truthfully, it will really help guide you.


----------



## MrQuatto

BB, have you been in contact with a lawyer and started the proceedings going? 

I know it is real hard but the sooner you get started, the soone ryou are done. And you dont want to have to worry about joint taxes in 2013 if your still married at the beginning of 2012.

Q~


----------



## beenbetrayed

MrQuatto said:


> BB, have you been in contact with a lawyer and started the proceedings going?
> 
> I know it is real hard but the sooner you get started, the soone ryou are done. And you dont want to have to worry about joint taxes in 2013 if your still married at the beginning of 2012.
> 
> Q~


Yea I have. She was served with annulment papers on November 1. So just gotta wait now until December 1 to do anything. Yea it was hard to talk to a lawyer but I can't wait till I'm officially annulled. I definitely wanna start the new year without her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

After wrestling with the decision for so long, I decided im gonna try to find out if anything happened with that other guy. Ive been bothered by just the fact that I don't know for so long that I figured it's best to find out for sure so I can put it behind me.... Let's see what happens...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Initfortheduration

Do not get dragged into another drama with your ex skank. She will use it to try to manipulate you. Stay strong.


----------



## beenbetrayed

Initfortheduration said:


> Do not get dragged into another drama with your ex skank. She will use it to try to manipulate you. Stay strong.


Thanks man. Yea if I find out it's true, I plan on calling her once and telling her that I know and then blocking her number.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## alphaomega

beenbetrayed said:


> Thanks man. Yea if I find out it's true, I plan on calling her once and telling her that I know and then blocking her number.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This will serve no purpose. It will just make you more stressed if you find out your instincts are right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

alphaomega said:


> This will serve no purpose. It will just make you more stressed if you find out your instincts are right.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yea It might. But I've been battling with this decision for more than a month and atleast the fact that I know will let me move on from that battle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem

beenbetrayed said:


> Yea It might. But I've been battling with this decision for more than a month and atleast the fact that I know will let me move on from that battle.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Like you and others, you might need this info so you can get closure from all this.


----------



## Almostrecovered

yeah, Im a need to know thing kind of guy myself and I understand the drive to do that, of course, that sort of thing can either help you detach or make things worse


----------



## beenbetrayed

Awwww she's so sweet. She texted me happy thanksgiving. I should probably forgive her for everything now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bryanp

She is a real piece of work. Good riddance.


----------



## Shaggy

beenbetrayed said:


> Awwww she's so sweet. She texted me happy thanksgiving. I should probably forgive her for everything now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep, sounds like she's completely remorseful and ready to be a good wife. You must be so proud of her!

So did you text back anything, or just ignore her fishing for attention?


----------



## beenbetrayed

Ignored it. I was tempted but didnt respond with anything
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Apparently nothing happened. Or so he says. But that's it, I'm dropping it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

beenbetrayed said:


> Apparently nothing happened. Or so he says. But that's it, I'm dropping it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm missed what lead up to this. What are you talking about?


----------



## beenbetrayed

Oh, I was suspicious about another guy a few years ago and wanted to know if there was anything that happened between them too. One of my friends is very good friends with the guy that I was suspicious about so I had my friend call and try to find out if anything happened. He knows the guy really well and says that he has no doubt in his mind that nothing happened between him and my wife after talking to the guy. So yea, whatever, now I know atleast(assuming it's true) and can just put it all behind me. Still doesn't change what she is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

beenbetrayed said:


> So yea, whatever, now I know atleast(assuming it's true) and can just put it all behind me. Still doesn't change what she is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's so far beyond R it's laughable. You need to take care of you, and move on. Unfortunately your wife is such a broken person, that only the most pathetic guy would ever trust her at this point.


----------



## beenbetrayed

Shaggy said:


> She's so far beyond R it's laughable. You need to take care of you, and move on. Unfortunately your wife is such a broken person, that only the most pathetic guy would ever trust her at this point.


Yup. Completely agree
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

b-
It's time to find a women that won't walk in front of you, or walk behind you, but a women that can walk along side you.

Good luck.


----------



## beenbetrayed

the guy said:


> b-
> It's time to find a women that won't walk in front of you, or walk behind you, but a women that can walk along side you.
> 
> Good luck.


Definitely man. Right now I'm just glad I have so many awesome friends to surround myself with. And she definitely can't say the same. Some of her former best friends are now the ones helping me out!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

The other day I drove by her apartment complex cuz I was in the area for work. Huge mistake. I've been in depression mode ever since. This is the longest that I haven't been able to shake feelings of sadness. Even tried to get myself mad all over again but doesn't seem to be working lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

So one of my friends apparently found out that there was even more guys that she has been with from work. I didn't even know he was looking into it. Should I confront her about it or not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

I thought you were done with her?

You seriously need an std test ASAP considering how easy she is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Yea I am done with her... But a part of me wants her to know that I know about more guys. And maybe even tell her family that there were more guys
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

Sounds like you want closure, for everyone to see what kind of tramp she is and that somehow this will make you feel better.

It won't, You won't get closure.

The best you really can do for you is to delete her from your life and mind.

Post her on the cheaters site so others can be warned if you really want to do something, but that's your choice and it may make the divorce even nastier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TBT

You're grieving the loss of an illusion.You deserve the real deal.


----------



## bryanp

I believe that you should do whatever makes you feel better. Contact her folks and tell them everything. Get tested for STD's.


----------



## sadcalifornian

Why not? Go ahead and confront her with your info. It may serve as a closure in some way.


----------



## beenbetrayed

sadcalifornian said:


> Why not? Go ahead and confront her with your info. It may serve as a closure in some way.


Yea I ended up confronting her about it. Pointless though, she just denied it. But it made me realize I have absolutely nothing left to say to her. Don't know if I'll ever talk to her again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

She called me last night begging me to come back. I despise her for calling and making me think about her all over again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

beenbetrayed said:


> She called me last night begging me to come back. I despise her for calling and making me think about her all over again
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then think of it another way.. She called last night, and reminded you that you made the right decision.

Consider getting a chart and each time she does this put a line on it. 

When you get five - you get a night out with friends to blow off steam.

When you get 10 - you get to buy yourself a new toy.


----------



## beenbetrayed

I really do feel bad for her. Am I really doing the right thing by not talking to her at all?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

Did she feel bad enough to stop cheating on you for 18 months?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bugz Bunny

beenbetrayed said:


> I really do feel bad for her. Am I really doing the right thing by not talking to her at all?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



She cheated before ,during and after getting married to you...
You are making the right decision by not going back...

What happened with her relationship with her OM...Did the karma catch them...???

And how is her relationship with her family after you exposed her cheating...?

I hope she had consequences for her actions...

Good Luck on rebuilding your life...


----------



## Bugz Bunny

beenbetrayed said:


> She was messaging him around our wedding dates, and from our honeymoon saying that she would rather be there with him.





beenbetrayed said:


> she told me she loves him more than she loves me.


I just read your entire thread and this two posts should be enough that you know that you did the right thing by avoiding contact with her...

Dont be her back up plan...

P.S. sorry for bringing up bad memories...


----------



## beenbetrayed

Bugz Bunny said:


> I just read your entire thread and this two posts should be enough that you know that you did the right thing by avoiding contact with her...
> 
> Dont be her back up plan...
> 
> P.S. sorry for bringing up bad memories...


Yea... Thanks. Getting back with her is completely out of the question. I wouldn't even consider that. I just feel bad that she has absolutey no one. Her family basically disowned her. When she called me last night she was home alone. On Christmas. 

According to her, the relationship with the OM is done. 

But yea.... I just feel bad that she's completely alone and she's just calling me cuz she's lonely. And I just shut her out too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

Stop feeling bad, she brought this on her self.

OM choose someone else for Christmas, she knows it , you know it we all know it.


----------



## Initfortheduration

Her family will probably, eventually take her back. But she will always be looked on as a cheating skank. You know when you were young and there was that lady that everyone avoided, who always looked a little pained in company and never seemed to stay very long at family gatherings. She will take a date to one of these things, and he will witness her shunning and "bingo". That is the last she will see of him. 

The fact is that you have no idea whether she wants to reconcile because if she can get you to take her back, maybe her family and your friends will. Tell her that you will throw her a bone by inviting her to some parties at your house, as your ex who you get along with famously. And she can see you investing your life in a new love. OUCH!


----------



## lordmayhem

beenbetrayed said:


> Yea... Thanks. Getting back with her is completely out of the question. I wouldn't even consider that. I just feel bad that she has absolutey no one. Her family basically disowned her. When she called me last night she was home alone. On Christmas.
> 
> According to her, the relationship with the OM is done.
> 
> But yea.... I just feel bad that she's completely alone and she's just calling me cuz she's lonely. And I just shut her out too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Really, I don't see how she can be lonely. Not only there was the affair with OM, there's been OM#2, OM#3, OM#4, and whoever else she had at work. She was the office s!ut. Of course she wanted you to come home, she wants the security of marriage but the freedom to play around. She must be very good at flirting and throwing herself at other men. 

Besides, you said she already changed her password to the secret email account. Unless the OMW is monitoring, she is most likely still in contact with him despite what she says. You already know she can lie very convincingly to you.


----------



## Shaggy

beenbetrayed said:


> I really do feel bad for her. Am I really doing the right thing by not talking to her at all?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ironic that she's alone since what caused this problem is having too many men in her.


----------



## Shaggy

lordmayhem said:


> Really, I don't see how she can be lonely. Not only there was the affair with OM, there's been OM#2, OM#3, OM#4, and whoever else she had at work. She was the office s!ut. Of course she wanted you to come home, she wants the security of marriage but the freedom to play around. She must be very good at flirting and throwing herself at other men.
> 
> Besides, you said she already changed her password to the secret email account. Unless the OMW is monitoring, she is most likely still in contact with him despite what she says. You already know she can lie very convincingly to you.


I think she's finding out that the office **** is useful when there is a need, but real men go home for holidays.


----------



## morituri

Do you seriously believe that she would contacted you if the OM had contacted her first? What does the answer tell you where you stand on the pecking order of men in her life?


----------



## beenbetrayed

I talked to her yesterday.... I screwed up and got in touch with her.... I wish I didn't. She sounds so completely broken. Almost suicidal... I feel so bad for her. I donno what to do
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Initfortheduration

You're doing it. If you want to throw her a bone, call her family, tell them if you were able to call her, they are able to call her. That is the limit I would get involved.


----------



## Shaggy

beenbetrayed said:


> I talked to her yesterday.... I screwed up and got in touch with her.... I wish I didn't. She sounds so completely broken. Almost suicidal... I feel so bad for her. I donno what to do
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Walk away.

She's continues to work up the poor poor poor me the victim card because she thinks it gets to you.

It is.

You've seen the person she really is. Imagine going through this again except with kids.

now don't walk away, run.


----------



## Unsure in Seattle

It's not your problem anymore.

The absolute WORST reason to get back together with someone is because you feel bad for them-


----------



## happyman64

Run, Run, Run and never look back.

Show her the same respect and caring she showed you. *None!!!*

Spend your time getting to know you again. Work on yourself so when you find a new lucky lady; your head and heart are in the right place for a new relationship.

She needs to fix herself. You cannot do that for her.


----------



## Jellybeans

Been--did your annullment go through? 

Also, did you ever expose the OM to his wife?


----------



## beenbetrayed

Thanks for the comments guys. They definitely help
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Jellybeans said:


> Been--did your annullment go through?
> 
> Also, did you ever expose the OM to his wife?


The annulment hasn't gone through yet. We're waiting for the court date. I'm thinking it'll be some time in February now. 

Yea I told the OM's wife a long time ago. On October 19. I have no idea if they are trying to R or what. But from the sounds of it, the OM really did leave my ex. She just sounds completely broken and alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Unsure in Seattle

Well, who's choice was that? It was her choice that put her in this place, and it's not up to you to extend the life perserver.


----------



## Jellybeans

Glad to hear you are moving along w/ your life. It's better that this happened now than for you to have learned about it 10+ years in.


----------



## beenbetrayed

Yea I'm trying my best to. I decided that the most I can do is recommend highly to her that she seek out counseling. I don't see her being able to move on unless she does. But other than that, I guess there's nothing more for me to do. Her family knows that they can get in touch with her. She's still in touch with her brothers and some of her cousins. I'm sure the rest of her family will come around eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## desert-rose

Shaggy said:


> Separate your money, and kick her out. Get an annulment. Anyone who would not only cheat on you while engaged, bit then go ahead and marry you isnt someone worth bring married to.
> 
> Don't be a doormat, kick her to the curb and get the lie of the marriage she tricked you into annullled. Then see a lawyer to find out if you can sue her to get back the money you waste getting married.
> 
> Show her their are consequences for lying and cheating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is this actually possible? That would be a very good idea.


----------



## beenbetrayed

My friend saw her today to drop off some of her things. Said she looks really scrawny in a bad way like she hasnt been eating at all. Meanwhile I've gained 10 pounds of muscle since I left and am probably in the best shape I've been in since I've known her. Not sure how to feel about her not taking care of herself.... But karma continues to be a *****
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

I put it off for way too long but I finally got tested and I'm clean!! Haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

Thank God.
Curious, did you ever get a total number of coworkers your X was with? Besides the OM you caught her with?


----------



## beenbetrayed

the guy said:


> Thank God.
> Curious, did you ever get a total number of coworkers your X was with? Besides the OM you caught her with?


Not any solid proof. So can't really say for sure. But Im sure there was more than just him. I've dropped it though
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

Good for you man. 
Things are already looking up, you have your health, and now you can look forward to new adventures that are ahead of you.


----------



## beenbetrayed

My marriage is officially annulled as of today! Thanks to everyone here for helping me out and steering me in the right direction. My life would be completely different today if I never discovered what a keylogger was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

How is your ex taking it? Did you both have to go to court?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered

:toast:


----------



## beenbetrayed

bandit.45 said:


> How is your ex taking it? Did you both have to go to court?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I haven't talked to her in more than a month. She didn't have to be there. I think she's thought we've been annulled for awhile now. She probably thinks that we were annulled when she got served papers back in November. She never asked when it would be official and I'm sure she doesn't know how long of a process it actually was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

BB,

Good for you. Keep moving forward my man and never look back.

Think of this experience as the worst gift you were given.

It sucked but at least you did not waste a lifetime with her.

There are plenty of great women looking for a great guy.

Have fun, get out there and find one that will love you and only you!!!

Happy


----------



## AngryandUsed

Been,

How did you come to know about her affair, if you have not posted in this thread.

Take care, and good lucks.


----------



## beenbetrayed

I saw text messages on her phone and then she admitted to everything when I confronted her. She said she wants to fix things with us and that she won't ever talk to the OM again. I was willing to try out counseling but I installed a keylogger on my computer. With that, I found out she had a secret email address with more than 700 emails to just him. I read so much crap on there, I couldn't even recognize her anymore. And she had him come to the apartment after she promised she wasn't going to talk to him anymore. I left right away at that point
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Lol she applied for a credit card under my name. Got a call from capital one this morning. Anyone know the jail sentence for that kind of credit card fraud in california?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## iheartlife

beenbetrayed said:


> Lol she applied for a credit card under my name. Got a call from capital one this morning. Anyone know the jail sentence for that kind of credit card fraud in california?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ouch. I'm sure Capital One doesn't take that stuff lying down.


----------



## keko

She knows your SSN?

Either way get a legal advice right away. That's not something to let her get away with, make sure to check your credit score to see if anything is out of the norm.


----------



## calif_hope

Capital One is not going to anything other than deny the card. What you need to do Betrayed is 1 Make sure Capital One does not record the denile on your credit reports and 2. You need to contact the big 3 credit agencies and have them flag your credit report the identity theft and attempts to apply for credit - if she tries it again the Red Flag will give them a warning to investigate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

And you need to see if she has opened any other cards in your name. This should show up on your credit report that you should now request.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Eli-Zor

I would find out how to lay charges against her , she knows she is breaking the law just as she knew she was having an affair . Treat her as you would any other criminal, report her and if possible have her prosecuted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Capital one said they are going to investigate and have her arrested. I'm definitely gonna get my credit checked. Yea she has my ssn memorized cuz she used to work for a bank. I never really worried about it cuz I didn't think she would stoop this low. But I need to lower my expectations about her lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Is she having a financial hardship or just trying to screw you over again?

It doesn't make much sense for a someone who works at a bank to do such a foolish thing.


----------



## beenbetrayed

keko said:


> Is she having a financial hardship or just trying to screw you over again?
> 
> It doesn't make much sense for a someone who works at a bank to do such a foolish thing.


Yea I'm pretty confused about it too. But I haven't talked to her since January so I have no idea what's going on with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Are you going to notify her or her family? Not about what actions you might take rather what they're thinking.


----------



## the guy

What you need to do is make sure this never happens again by taking the step in making sure the consequences are sever enough that it stop for good.

Theres no guantee that it wont ...years from now, but i guess you will have to invest in some credit protection. But for now invest in some preventive maintenence by subjecting her to the ful amount of consequences available by law.


----------



## Will_Kane

Capital One will not investigate or press charges if there has not been a monetary loss.

Press charges with the local police department where she or you reside.

Call the Federal Trade Commission ID Theft hotline - google the number - and ask them what steps you should take.


----------



## Will_Kane

You want it on record ASAP what occurred with the attempted ID theft. You can check your credit reports for free from the three major credit bureaus at annualcreditreport.com. The site will also provide a way to freeze your credit reports so you must be contacted before a lender can access them. This helps if she tries to apply for credit somewhere else. This is a nonviolent crime with no monetary loss so expect it to be a fairly low priority with the police. Your filing reports have more to do with saving yourself headaches later if she is able to open accounts in your name and screw up your credit.


----------



## warlock07

How low can you fall?


----------



## Shaggy

Are you sure it was fully her? She might have hooked up some scumbag who has gotten her to do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Complexity

Wow this woman has zero respect for you. How can someone you've known for so long turn out to be like this? 

frightening world


----------



## beenbetrayed

Shaggy said:


> Are you sure it was fully her? She might have hooked up some scumbag who has gotten her to do it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No clue. I have a case # with capital one so I'll find out
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Complexity said:


> Wow this woman has zero respect for you. How can someone you've known for so long turn out to be like this?
> 
> frightening world


Yea. I didn't think she could possibly stoop even lower. But she did. The best part is that she works social security so she's gonna lose her job
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07

Is she that desperate for money? Has she fallen on bad times financially? Would you have her jailed if you can?


----------



## beenbetrayed

warlock07 said:


> Is she that desperate for money? Has she fallen on bad times financially? Would you have her jailed if you can?


Not sure about her financial situation but yea I will have her jailed. I'm hoping it wasn't a mistake or someone else that applied and that she did actually do this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

Beep beep, karma bus is coming.


----------



## Complexity

beenbetrayed said:


> Yea. I didn't think she could possibly stoop even lower. But she did. The best part is that she works social security so she's gonna lose her job
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you talk to her about this and tell her she's going to jail or will you let the police do the knocking?


----------



## bandit.45

If she gets arrested it would be the kind of revenge most of us BSs could only dream of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

keko said:


> Beep beep, karma bus is coming.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## beenbetrayed

Complexity said:


> Did you talk to her about this and tell her she's going to jail or will you let the police do the knocking?


I've been calling from a blocked number all morning. No answer though. I'm kinda embarrassed that I was with such a dumb **** for so long haha. This is just unbelievable
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## moxy

beenbetrayed said:


> Lol she applied for a credit card under my name. Got a call from capital one this morning. Anyone know the jail sentence for that kind of credit card fraud in california?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's obscene. 

Is there any confusion about your marriage status? Is she harboring some hope that this is just a fight and you guys will eventually make up, or has there been formal paperwork filed that makes it absolutely clear that the marriage is over? 

You're certain she did this and it wasn't some mistake with paperwork somewhere? If so, please do get an attorney and file charges. Someone who has cheated on you for the entire duration of your marriage and before you married and then chooses to use you is simply a con man (or, in her case, a con woman). I'm sorry you're being victimized by her actions. Press charges and let her learn her lesson in jail.


----------



## the guy

WTF, I can understand dropping the hammer, but you aren't even sure its her!
Get your sh!t straight and by all mean drop a ton of boo on her @ss if in deed she commited the crime.

I think all of us can learn a lesson here, these are not the same poeple we married............. be it newbie or folks coming to term with the unthinkable.......they are not the same poeple.


----------



## Chaparral

the guy said:


> WTF, I can understand dropping the hammer, but you aren't even sure its her!
> Get your sh!t straight and by all mean drop a ton of boo on her @ss if in deed she commited the crime.
> 
> I think all of us can learn a lesson here, these are not the same poeple we married............. be it newbie or folks coming to term with the unthinkable.......they are not the same poeple.


People say people don't change, maybe we just didn't see them as they really were. I do beleive if they mix with the wrong people they can get really screwed up though. I think that is what happens to many waywards, they just trade down and end up lowering themselves. From my experiences this usually turns out worse for women but I can't figure out why. Guilt?


----------



## beenbetrayed

Nevermind guys false alarm. Apparently my phone number was under her name somehow but the card was applied under her own name..... She's still a dumbass though
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beenbetrayed

Just learned yesterday that the OMW kicked the OM out of the house 3.5 months ago. What a coincidence that she stopped getting in touch with me at right around that time. I'm guessing they've been living together in her apartment. Match made in heaven
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

beenbetrayed said:


> Just learned yesterday that the OMW kicked the OM out of the house 3.5 months ago. What a coincidence that she stopped getting in touch with me at right around that time. I'm guessing they've been living together in her apartment. Match made in heaven
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well you know the old saying .. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

just a matter of time.


----------



## Chaparral

Shaggy said:


> Well you know the old saying .. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
> 
> just a matter of time.


It took me a minute to get that for some reason. Cheater realtionships have a 97% failure rate. That makes me smile.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## happyman64

beenbetrayed said:


> Just learned yesterday that the OMW kicked the OM out of the house 3.5 months ago. What a coincidence that she stopped getting in touch with me at right around that time. I'm guessing they've been living together in her apartment. Match made in heaven
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


BB,

*A match made in hell my friend. *

Do not even give her a second thought. Find someone special and have a great life.

I did this over 27 years ago and never looked back.

I have never had one regret.

Good Luck

HM64


----------



## Complexity

Don't you just wish all the cheaters could magnetically attach to each other and leave us honest folk alone? match made in heaven indeed!


----------



## keko

3.5 months... so their honeymoon phase of living together should finish anyday. Expect her reaching out to you again very soon.


----------



## F-102

Well, the credit card incident will show that you definitely mean business, so she probably now realizes that you have totally "iced" her out of your life.

When and if her new love life implodes, she knows that she can't come running to you.


----------



## F-102

Oh, and BTW-the next time she tries to get a new credit card, car or house, they will look up her credit rating and most likely will see some reference to an investigation for possible fraud.

Her credit is sooooooo SCREWED!!!!!!


----------



## Chaparral

F-102 said:


> Oh, and BTW-the next time she tries to get a new credit card, car or house, they will look up her credit rating and most likely will see some reference to an investigation for possible fraud.
> 
> Her credit is sooooooo SCREWED!!!!!!


F-102 where you been?


----------



## beenbetrayed

F-102 said:


> Oh, and BTW-the next time she tries to get a new credit card, car or house, they will look up her credit rating and most likely will see some reference to an investigation for possible fraud.
> 
> Her credit is sooooooo SCREWED!!!!!!


I wish that was the case but it was actually a screw up on Capital One's part. They made a mistake and called me instead of her. They must have had my number saved under her name from applying a long time ago.


----------



## hookares

beenbetrayed said:


> Just learned yesterday that the OMW kicked the OM out of the house 3.5 months ago. What a coincidence that she stopped getting in touch with me at right around that time. I'm guessing they've been living together in her apartment. Match made in heaven
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bet she'll be cheating on him in less than a year. Don't be surprised if they both end up on skid row.


----------



## Acabado

> Bet she'll be cheating on him in less than a year. Don't be surprised if they both end up on skid row


Hmmm don't think so. She has been faithfull to his MOM for years, she has the mindset of the classic OW more than a WGF/WW. IT seems she stayed being the OW once OP dumped her.
On the other hand MOM seems a hard core cake eater. He will replace the role of OW very soon (he will try even make his BW the OW). They never give up the cake on the side unless they are forced (his BW had enough and kicked him out). He will find himself ''empty'' very soon without cake.


----------



## F-102

chapparal said:


> F-102 where you been?


I PM'd you, chap!


----------



## sunshinetoday

Complexity said:


> Don't you just wish all the cheaters could magnetically attach to each other and leave us honest folk alone? match made in heaven indeed!



Yes! This is a wonderful thought.


----------



## beenbetrayed

Acabado said:


> Hmmm don't think so. She has been faithfull to his MOM for years, she has the mindset of the classic OW more than a WGF/WW. IT seems she stayed being the OW once OP dumped her.
> On the other hand MOM seems a hard core cake eater. He will replace the role of OW very soon (he will try even make his BW the OW). They never give up the cake on the side unless they are forced (his BW had enough and kicked him out). He will find himself ''empty'' very soon without cake.


I kinda agree with this. I think if she cheats on him, she'll be admitting that she made the worst mistake of her life. Right now she's probably in denial. I wouldn't be surprised at all if he cheats on her though. Just a matter of time really. The OMW is filing for divorce and suing for alimony and child support, so I'm sure he has a lot to look forward in coming years. He'll need some cake to help him cope with the stress.


----------



## beenbetrayed

Tomorrow would have been our one year wedding anniversary. Does it sound bitter if I post something nasty on FB? I know she checks mine still lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## keko

beenbetrayed said:


> Tomorrow would have been our one year wedding anniversary. Does it sound bitter if I post something nasty on FB? I know she checks mine still lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bitter? Maybe cleavage shots of the new hottie you're dating?


----------



## beenbetrayed

Hahah. Unfortunately no new hottie just yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

Leave it alone....like you don't even care any more, much less remember the date.

Drama feeds drama! why go there?


----------



## happyman64

BB,

Just reread your old posts in your thread. And you will not want to ever contact her again.

But if you really want to send a message then block her on FB.

Nothing sends a better message than crickets.

And she will get the message that you did not forget the anniversary.

Go find a great girl and live your life.

HM64


----------



## beenbetrayed

happyman64 said:


> BB,
> 
> Just reread your old posts in your thread. And you will not want to ever contact her again.
> 
> But if you really want to send a message then block her on FB.
> 
> Nothing sends a better message than crickets.
> 
> And she will get the message that you did not forget the anniversary.
> 
> Go find a great girl and live your life.
> 
> HM64


Yea I'm leaning towards not posting anything.... still tempted though.. lol. Just to let her know I am actually much happier without her in my life(which is true). But whatever, probably will leave it alone


----------



## beenbetrayed

JB100 said:


> Hello,
> 
> Sorry for what is happening to you. I read through your thread and I just have to ask....
> 
> Did she ever explain why she cheated for so long? I guess she did not want her mom to be heartbroken but what did she say was lacking in your relationship?
> 
> 7 years and then cheating for 1.5? Geez. During those 1.5 years, how often would her and this OM meet up for sex? Do you know?
> 
> Good luck my friend.


She never gave me a good answer. Cuz there really isn't a good answer. She said she got lost and couldn't help herself. And that after awhile, she justified it in her head so it didn't seem so wrong. The bottom line is that she had huge self esteem issues. She also had daddy issues. I tried to help her with both when we were together, but she chose to betray me instead. 

The year before we got married, we lived about 2 hours apart and I only saw her once a week. Her and the OM probably saw each other the rest of the week lol. I read emails that hinted that they saw each other all the time.


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## iheartlife

The best revenge is always indifference. It's sort of like the saying, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Well, there's no such thing as negative attention, either, even though we wish there were.

I'd make up some howlers, post them here, and then don't post anything on her page at all. As my dad likes to say, "let's not and say we did."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beenbetrayed

Haha. Well I hadn't written anything out for today but I'll post something that I wrote back in May. Thought about sending this as well but decided against it:


It was May 11, 2004,
When I started dating what turned out to be a wh*re.

We made each other promises to be together forever,
But instead you f*cked bruiser, who is so far from better.

We took so many Reno trips when we had the gambling itch,
But none of that means sh*t cuz you're a f*ckin b*tch.

I took care of you no matter what,
But you turned out to be a huge f*ckin s!ut.

Happy "anniversary" c*nt
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

beenbetrayed said:


> Haha. Well I hadn't written anything out for today but I'll post something that I wrote back in May. Thought about sending this as well but decided against it:
> 
> 
> It was May 11, 2004,
> When I started dating what turned out to be a wh*re.
> 
> We made each other promises to be together forever,
> But instead you f*cked bruiser, who is so far from better.
> 
> We took so many Reno trips when we had the gambling itch,
> But none of that means sh*t cuz you're a f*ckin b*tch.
> 
> I took care of you no matter what,*
> But you turned out to be a huge f*ckin s!ut.
> 
> Happy "anniversary" c*nt
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nice cadence and rythmic interplay. I like it. 

Post it.


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## Almostrecovered

no don't post it

but it was good that you wrote it out for your own sake


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## Almostrecovered

put it this way the best revenge is to show you are better off than with her

I am positive she is also aware of the date and will look at your status if she can

then post about how great life is and how much fun you are having etc


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## keko

beenbetrayed said:


> Hahah. Unfortunately no new hottie just yet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then photoshop some hot lady with you on a nice caribbean beach??


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## bandit.45

Post it. She has no good opinion of you anyway, and who gives a sh*t what her friends think?


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## beenbetrayed

Im not gonna post that. She's not even on Facebook anymore. She deleted her account cuz she was afraid of getting harassed by everybody lol. She goes on from her cousins account and stalks everyone from that. But I never intended to post that poem anyway. If anything I was just gonna post how much better off I am today than a year ago today
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

beenbetrayed said:


> Im not gonna post that. She's not even on Facebook anymore. She deleted her account cuz she was afraid of getting harassed by everybody lol. She goes on from her cousins account and stalks everyone from that. But I never intended to post that poem anyway. If anything I was just gonna post how much better off I am today than a year ago today
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And BB, that is what life is all about, being in a better place than we were in the past.

Everyone on TAM is in a better place or they have come here asking for advice on how to get to a better place.

Keep moving forward.

Nice poem. I might rewrite it for you and make it rhyme???

Have a great day. And happy anniversary on your new freedom.

Free from all her cr*p!


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## beenbetrayed

Couldn't help it. Posted this:

Who would've thought my life would be so much better without you in it. Happy "one year"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

beenbetrayed said:


> Couldn't help it. Posted this:
> 
> Who would've thought my life would be so much better without you in it. Happy "one year"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good. Succinct and to the point. Let us know how she responds.


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## beenbetrayed

bandit.45 said:


> Good. Succinct and to the point. Let us know how she responds.


I doubt she's gonna respond. She'll probably just read it and complain to the OM about it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64

I knew you could not resist.

Time to work on you and stop thinking of her.

Get done what you need to do so you can move forward with your life.


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## beenbetrayed

Wow today sucked. Ran into a bunch of her old co-workers from years ago. One of them was the b*tch that knew the whole time and helped her sneak around. Don't know why but that just ruined my f*ckin mood. I was visibly uncomfortable and I'm kinda annoyed how I handled it. It just caught me off guard. I should have called her helper a b*tch or something. One of the guys told me though that when he found out, he cussed her out and never spoke with her again.


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## Shaggy

Next time you should explain the situation like this:

Some people get killed by cancer, I got cured by having her cut out.

The trash enabler is effective a carcinogen and you know those are toxic and should be avoided,


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## DavidWYoung

Eject,Eject,Eject!


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## MattMatt

bandit.45 said:


> Nice cadence and rythmic interplay. I like it.
> 
> Post it.


Sounds like a C&W song!


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## beenbetrayed

As of today, its officially been a year since DDay and when I started this thread. I don't come on this site too much anymore but I just wanted to post an update to where I am today and hopefully let the new people here know that things do eventually get better. 

A year ago was one of the worst days of my life. I went through pain that I wish no one ever had to go through. It's a horrible place to be in as I'm sure most people here already know. But writing about it today, I'm grateful I went through it. I've learned so much about myself during this last year. I know what I want in life now and who I want to surround myself with. I’ve learned how amazing my friends and family are. And, not to sound ****y, but I’ve also realized that I'm pretty much the strongest person I know. It may sound corny, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Seriously, if you can survive something like this, you can survive anything.

This past year, I've become a better person overall. I'm much more open to try new things. I've become much more outgoing and just all around a lot happier in my life. I didn't even realize that I wasn't truly happy until I got out of that relationship. Looking back at it, I shutter at the thought of ever being with my ex. Life is just so much better now. 

I've officially started seeing someone a month ago who is frickin beautiful and all around much better of a person than my ex ever was. The universe is crazy because I actually met this girl with my ex during the brief time that we were married. Actually, I met her on the same day that I first started to get suspicious of my ex. Pretty nuts. If someone told me then that a year from that day I would be annulled from my wife and dating this girl, I would have called them crazy lol.

My advice for new people here, find some hobbies to keep you occupied and make yourself physically fit. Working out really helped me a hell of a lot. I started lifting, running, and doing Bikram yoga and now I just can't imagine my life without all that. Stay busy, get out of the house a lot. That helped me atleast. And just actively try to make yourself grow from everything that you’re going through. Read “No More Mr. Nice Guy.” Really good book. 

Update on her? I have no clue if she's still with the OM. I don't really give a ****. Last I heard, the OMW is divorcing and suing him for as much as she can. And according to my friend who still sees my ex at work, she's gotten really big and looks like she's aged quite a bit lol.

I have absolutely no regrets with everything that happened. I truly believe it was the best thing that ever happened to me and anyone else going through the same thing, keep your head up. You’ll get through it too!


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## Jonesey

Thanks for the update. I´m also glad to hear you doing great.
This will be a good reading for others that been betrayed.And ended up divorced.. Now the know life does not end. 

TAM need´s more of this divorce, that ends up with a happy ending.
Thanks again


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## aug

I would say be careful with your current girlfriend. Make sure it's not a rebound relationship.


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## krismimo

Happy your doing good and aug it has been a year keep in mind that they were only married for three months after he found out she was cheating. I think that is more than enough time.


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## tom67

krismimo said:


> Happy your doing good and aug it has been a year keep in mind that they were only married for three months after he found out she was cheating. I think that is more than enough time.


Took me after much ic and slapping to get off the pitypot almost 2 years but have a great gf she and om are history and d tells me she is miserable and I DON'T CARE.


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## happyman64

Good to hear from you BB.

I am happy for you that you are healing and have found someone new.

Very funny how you met your new GF. Karma baby!

HM64


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