# she cheated.im chasing.WTF!!!



## ds10 (Jan 31, 2009)

ok so i caught my wife cheating,she pulls the "we were just friends" BS,i confront the guy,he says the same thing,im pist so i punch him in the face,he runs away like a B*tch.whatever.you can read what happen in my other post.my question is: we are trying to work things out,counseling etc.she says she still loves me and wants to be with me and all that good stuff.what is driving me crazy is that since i found out what she had been doing and everything happend she is acting like nothing happend!!! she is not being affectionate with me,not that reassuring,barely calls me,things that i think someone trying to work things out would do.instead it seems like im the one always calling her,giving her kisses,hugs,and just basically chasing her!!! like if I'M the one that F*cked up!! little things like when i pick her up from work or she gets home,she wont even give me a kiss hello.then when i ask her about that she gives excuses like "oh,i was saying hi to the kids,or "my breath smells" or some stupid Sh*t like that. this makes me think she is still talking to the other guy or has feelings for him still.anybody else experience this before? what can i do? should i leave her? is she not being sincere? please let me know what you thik,im confused as hell with her mixed signals!!!!! am i over reacting and being immature? she says she has always been like that but im just paying more attention to everything now.i dont know....im confused...help!!! thanks!!


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Leave or kick her out but she's playing games with you. When I confronted my H about his affair I got the b.s. "we're just friends" (yeah friends who F***)..he said I was overreacting all that crap. I chased, tried everything figured it was my fault I could fix it. He kept doing it. Almost like he was daring me to catch him. When I had proof (pics he emailed her) I kicked his butt out. We have reconciled and we are working it out but that requires three things 1) total honesty and transparancy, he has to EARN my trust 2) 110% commit to doing whatever it takes to fix this 3) Better communication between both of us. He is doing all of these things and that means we have a CHANCE. Without it, I told him I would not go down this road, period. She's not giving you one of those things and I think she thinks she is in control, you won't leave her. My H admits to that, he said he always knew I'd take him back and that was in his mind now he KNOWS that will never happen again. Its like something had to snap him back in to reality. He has no idea why he did it and thinks its the dumbest thing in the world. Your W hasn't gotten there yet, she thinks she can play you. No drama, no harsh words, just leave. Tell her that you love her, you'd like to work it out but if it can't be you are prepared to move on. But it can't be worked out until she commits to the marriage and she isn't. 
p.s. I bet that gave you great satisfaction to hit that guy. I do not condone violence but there are some special circumstances. If that woman my H cheated with were in front of me, I am pretty sure I would do the same thing.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

First off. She is not being affectionate for one reason, and hold on to your hat. She is not being affectionate to you because in her screwed up cheating mind, she thinks it would be cheating on the other guy. How do you like that? The first thing on you list is. CUT OFF THE MONEY. Close your joint bank accounts. Cancel all credit cards. If you can't trust her with you heart you can't trust her with your money. Next If you can kick her cheating ass out. Make her go to her parents or to a friends. Next, out her to absolutely everyone. Her parents, your parents, all friends. You need to break this wide open. Why? because her betrayal needs to cost her. You ask if she is serious. If she hasn't been a crying masacara and snot running mess begging you not to leave her, she isn't serious. Right now she is trying to stay in control, because she thinks you want the marriage more then her. YOU HAVE TO ROCK HER FRIGGING WORLD. Show her that there is a consequence for what she's done. She needs to be in fear that her whole life is at stake, because it is. You have to man up here. You have to be a rock. Not mean, not yelling. You're just moving on with your life. Then see how she reacts. YOU ARE A PRIZE TO BE WORKED FOR AND WON. SHE IS A CHEATING TRAMP WHO NEEDS A MAJOR WAKE UP CALL.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Another thought. Of why she is treating you with disdain. You forgave her to fast. Her betrayal has cost her nothing, so the marriage she betrayed is worth nothing (in her eyes). The only thing that she wants right now is security. Do you feel like her husband? Or her security blanket. 

You need to hang out here. You will get alot of support. You will also get advice. And just as important you will get accountability for yourself. Your self esteem is blown away right now. But you need to understand that living in fear of losing her will make you do stupid things. Right now your mr. needy to her. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE MR. NEEDY. YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE SELF CONFIDENT HAPPY MAN THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE. 

Why your wife is acting this way, is because she has created an emotional vacuum. Her moving away has left you chasing after her. Sucking you in. Making you Mr. Needy. That has to stop now. She does not respect you. You need to do the pulling back. She needs to be chasing you. She needs to want to restore the marriage. Do not let her guilt you about the children "how you will be hurting them". The children need to see their parents in love. If she threatens with the kids. Tell her that you can both sit down with them while their mom confesses that she cheated on their daddy. Don't worry she won't want that. You have to call every bluff. If she says divorce tell her you will sign the papers. YOU NEED TO GET UP IN HER GRILL (NOT ANGRY, OR YELLING BUT CONFIDENT AND SELF ASSURED) AND LET HER KNOW THAT SHE HAS ZERO AUTHORITY IN THIS SITUATION. THE ONLY AUTHORITY SHE HAS IS WHETHER TO MOVE HER CHEATING ASS OUT. OR SHOW SORROW, CONTRITION AND A COMMITMENT TO RECONCILE.


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## ds10 (Jan 31, 2009)

thanks for the advice.so far i kicked her out,she is at her moms house.she is VERY uncomfortable there.she got put out there already,her mom,her sister,my mom,and several diffrent people already know,of course that pist her off,because she doesnt want her "business" out there.the problem is i still want to work things out.its sooo hard to let go of her.i constantly wanna know what she is doing,where she is at etc.she is doing all the right things as far as telling me where she is,where she is going,calling me when she gets home from work,and diffrent things like that.but as far as the affection and the things i mentioned she is lacking.she never really has been the affectionate type,but i tell her i need that reassurance from her now because of the circumstances.i do feel like a little B#tch tho,and thats staring to piss me off,i know i could go out there and meet other women easily and do do what i want to do,but then i'm afraid thats going to add fuel to the fire.

P.S. and yea,it was one of the BEST feelings in the world to punch that motherf*cker!!! but it was even better to see him run away like a P*ssy.....by the way the only reason i felt compelled to hit him was because he had seen me before,and knew that i was her husband.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Your wife knows d!ck about being a wife. In the first place, it is of paramount importance that she is desirous of having sex with you. Why? Because it is how a man knows that his marriage is sound. That is a fact. Women know by communication with him, men know by becoming one with her. Like I said if she is not a mascara and snot running mess. She isn't serious. And if she brings up the point of outing her, and says she doesn't like her "business" being out there. Tell her to F off and that you do like your business being out there. Explain to her cheating a$$ that it is what is called a "consequence" for her adultery. Not to mention that it will help in the custody battle if you decide to dump her. She needs to romance you. Make her romance you. If she doesn't know how she better find out. You aren't going to live like you were. You are going to have a marriage where you communicate, where you are going to be best friends. Where you actually care about the others feelings. Tell her if that doesn't appeal to her, you will be happy to file for divorce. THERE IS GOING TO BE A NEW DYNAMIC IN YOUR MARRIAGE CALLED.........LOVE! You are doing great. Stay strong.


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## kate_spencer (Feb 20, 2009)

Initfortheduration is right, you have to make her realize what she lacks of.. make her chase you this time. And hopefully she'll also realize how lucky she is to have a man like you on her side. But for now, I guess you'll just have to remain away from each other but keep connected and check each others improvement.


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