# going home....



## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

our divorce will happen next week...great, new year and a divorce .
We were married for 22 years and had ups and downs....he was stationed in Germany when we met got married and left for the states in 1991 . my husband was all these years in the army either active or reserves...In 2007 he had to go to Fort Bragg NC for just 4 weeks for training and as it so happened he met someone there came back home and said that he did not want to be married anymore...well , I fought for a while but I had no chance so we started the divorce stuff and I left for Germany to start my life over...the day I got there he called me and begged me to come back saying he made a huge mistake and so on ...well , I did not come back right away and he came to see me 2 months later and kept begging saying that he could not live without me and needed stability in his life....I went back a month after he came to visit me .
We started to rebuild our marriage which was hard and I freely admit that I had big trust issues after that ordeal....jump to 2011husband got transferred to new city with his company we found a nice place to live which was hard because at that time we had a big dog (Labrador) but we succeded and rented a nice 3 bedroom apt......everything was going great but in august we lost our beloved dog which even now I could still cry just thinking about her...anyway , late October my hubby tells me that he is not sure that he wants to be married anymore and the famous sentence "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" came out of his mouth , I also heard that in 2007 , from there on it's all a blurr...he went to an attorney and filed for divorce a few days later....after much investigating , of which I become very good at , I found out that there was another woman...big surprise , not !!!
All I can say that he is in that "affair fog" ...I can't believe that this is happening again after he promised me the moon and the stars in '07 ...this time it's worse because the OW lives right here in the same city and not 500 miles away he is so blinded...all I know is that she has been married twice lives on the alimony from her last husband which ends this coming October and she has a criminal record....she's looking for the next atm machine I think but stbxh does not wanna hear it .
He says he wants to stay in contact with me when I'm in Germany and we will see what happens in the future...I think he wants to keep me warm in case this doesn't work out...I know from other people that they already had big fights .Well , he would have to move to Germany because I'm not coming back again!!!Don't get me wrong I love living here but after everything he put me through I'm so done you can stick a fork in me . It will be hard after 20 years to start over and I'm scared but it just has to work out , right .I've been with this man for over 23 years ...still have to get used to saying that I'm single .
What I don't get is how he can just meet his so called"soulmate " in a bar when he was there to meet a client .
It'a all very confusing .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has he been living with the OW for a few months? I doubt it will work out so don't be surprised if he comes back.

I can understand you being so done with him now. 

Are you in much contact with him these days?


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

It sounds like your husband hates being alone. (Also sounds like he's a dog.)

This fling will likely not work out, and he will be begging you again. You know all you need to know about him now. You weren't wrong in going back because you needed to know this about him so you can move on.

And it is time to move on.

I'm sorry. It really sucks...


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## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

as far as I know he is not living with her...he moved out the week before thanksgiving and I have no idea where he is staying at....also , she pays for everything...we separated our money but still have the joint checking account , for the longest time he did not take any money out only when he got gas did he use the debit card .
Why would a woman pay for everything??? My sister in law says that it's an investment for her but who knows what he told her stbxh tends to stretch the truth a lot .
We have a little contact, he's coming back tonight from a trip with her which was planned the week they met to meet her family .


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## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

yeah , you're right...he can not be alone.
I mean , how can a person go from a long term marriage and jump into a "relationship" (if you can call it that) just like that..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Germangirl said:


> as far as I know he is not living with her...he moved out the week before thanksgiving and I have no idea where he is staying at....also , she pays for everything...we separated our money but still have the joint checking account , for the longest time he did not take any money out only when he got gas did he use the debit card .
> Why would a woman pay for everything??? My sister in law says that it's an investment for her but who knows what he told her stbxh tends to stretch the truth a lot .
> We have a little contact, he's coming back tonight from a trip with her which was planned the week they met to meet her family .


Is he coming back to your house after this trip? Do you know her address?


Do you live in a no-fault divorce state?


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## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

I know where she lives and I also know that my ex rented a new apt. in town in which he moved in just before the trip.....he doesn't know that I know because he still tells me that he will move back in here when I'm gone....LIAR....
yes, we live in a no fault state .


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## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

found out today that this coming monday is our date in court to get divorces .
I know it's for the better....but I feel so sad and scared about the future...why do I feel this way?
23 years with this man and he turns around finds someone else and just dups me like a old piece of furniture...I know all this is not my fault he is the one with the problem and charakterflaws.....nonetheless, I thought I would grow old with this man....who is gonna be there now for me??


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Gosh....I feel so bad for you !!!

He's wishy washy just like my ex-dh....

Big Hugs from a German girl to Germangirl !!!


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## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

thanks...sorry for the typos...I meant "divorced" and "dumps" me like an old piece of furniture


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## Endgame (Nov 6, 2011)

Germangirl said:


> found out today that this coming monday is our date in court to get divorces .
> I know it's for the better....but I feel so sad and scared about the future...why do I feel this way?
> 23 years with this man and he turns around finds someone else and just dups me like a old piece of furniture...I know all this is not my fault he is the one with the problem and charakterflaws.....nonetheless, I thought I would grow old with this man....who is gonna be there now for me??


I thought I would grow old with my ex as well, we spent the last twenty years together and I thought for the most part it was good until his EA and stalking adventure sent us in new directions. I will miss him dearly though, even through the pain, because it made me realize how much I do love him. It is sad, indeed. Our divorce was just finalized.

Just take it one day at a time.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Germangirl said:


> found out today that this coming monday is our date in court to get divorces .
> I know it's for the better....but I feel so sad and scared about the future...why do I feel this way?
> 23 years with this man and he turns around finds someone else and just dups me like a old piece of furniture...I know all this is not my fault he is the one with the problem and charakterflaws.....nonetheless, I thought I would grow old with this man....who is gonna be there now for me??


How old are you? You might very well find someone else who treats you very well.


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## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

I'm 42


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Germangirl said:


> I'm 42


Oh, you are young... surely young enough to find a new relationship.


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## akira1 (Dec 13, 2011)

His so called "soulmate" is not much so if she is willing to break up a family and start a relationship based on lies.

Hold your head up high, and don't despair.


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## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

he got back from the trip they were on....told me he got foodpoisoning...haha...karma is a *****...
He's coming by friday after work...this morning I woke up with that funny feeling in my gut , I think it's anxiety....


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