# Ok I need yall advice in how to move to meaningful conversation



## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

you know how the conversation begins with "hey how are you? 

Where are you from? 


So lately I been struggling to get to meaningful conversations and I end up losing interest because they are giving me one word answers and not asking me anything.

So I thought I asked a question that would allow her to open up a little more when I said "what was the last seafood place you been to and what type of seafood do you like the most?"

All she did was tell me the last place she been and that;s it.


So can someone help me with moving from the ice breaking to meaningful conversation? Thanks


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Hhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Gross


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

i was laughing because of this bit:
"So I thought I asked a question that would allow her to open up a little more when I said "what was the last seafood place you been to and what type of seafood do you like the most?"

All she did was tell me the last place she been and that;s it."

On every thread (of the ever growing ridiculous threads you have on this site) people try to give helpful advice etc and if anyone asks more than one question in a reply you only ever answer one, if that. So that is why I find this particularly funny.
It's almost as if you are attempting to hold a conversation with yourself.
Good luck though OP.

Edit:
Forgot to add that ass licking is not within my usual repertoire, but thank you all the same.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> you know how the conversation begins with "hey how are you?
> 
> Where are you from?
> 
> ...


Yeah. Find a therapist who specializes in Aspergers and get them to help you start interacting with other people in healthy ways.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Turnera speaks the truth SMG, you need way more help that what us mere TAM-ers can offer you.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I have to agree with Turnera. I don't actually know if you are the spectrum or not. But you do seem to struggle with appropriate social interactions. What other people can intuitively get, you don't seem to. 

But there are in fact people who specialize in helping people who struggle with social interactions. 

And just so you know, if you are on the Spectrum, there is nothing wrong with that. It comes with struggles but it also comes with gifts. You should definitely find someone to figure out what is causing your social interaction difficulties, and then support you. 

But honestly a board like this is not really the appropriate place for you to get help.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SMG

Search the internet for "conversation starters". There are sites that have lists of things to help people with this because a lot of people have trouble thinking of things to talk about.

When you asked the question about the seafood place and she just gave you a name of a restaurant and did not tell you her favorite sea food, the way to handle that is to ask more questions.... "How did you like it?" Ask again what her favorite sea food is. Then you answer your own question. Tell her the last sea food place you ate at. Tell her what you like or do not like about the place. Tell her your favorite sea food. Ask her if she has ever eaten there.

A question is a lead-in to more questions and both of you talking about your part of the conversation.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> SMG
> 
> Search the internet for "conversation starters". There are sites that have lists of things to help people with this because a lot of people have trouble thinking of things to talk about.
> 
> ...


I just gave my number so she can call tomorrow


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SMG I've done the online dating.
One word replies, never turns into a date, I know its hard to just give up on an interesting woman, but she doesn't want you interested in her.

Keep messaging other women, and focus on the ones that want you to be interested in them.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> SMG I've done the online dating.
> One word replies, never turns into a date, I know its hard to just give up on an interesting woman, but she doesn't want you interested in her.
> 
> Keep messaging other women, and focus on the ones that want you to be interested in them.


And that's what is so weird because why keep responding with one word answers instead of ignoring me?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

They like the attention.

Online dating is its own beast.
The male to female ratio online is like 100 males to each single female. Compare that to the real world where the ratio is less than 1 man for every single woman and you can see why these women are drawn towards online dating. The attention they get with such little effort from hundreds of males that in reality wouldn't so much as give them the time of day, should they step out into the real world.

This attention adds up to a complex known as Absurd Standards Syndrome, also referred to as "A$$." It is believed that 90% of women on any given online dating site suffers from this A$$ complex.

To avoid wasting your time with these A$$es, step outside of cyberspace, try meetup, or grocery stores, my favorite line is, "Are you shopping for one or two?" Don't forget to check for rings, canes, or baby formula/diapers and any other 'novelty' that would make for a bad time.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> And that's what is so weird because why keep responding with one word answers instead of ignoring me?


We've gone over this. Because some people thinking ignoring is just rude, and they assume that one word answers with no follow-up questions will send the message they are not interested, without having to actually say it. This woman is not interested. Move on.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Ask her about her fave movies, hobbies and music. 

You can learn a lot by a person by what type of music they listen to.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Really music tells ? 

Like what ? 

Wonder what it tells ?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Smg

Maybe she doesn't like seafood


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

tripad said:


> Really music tells ?
> 
> Like what ?
> 
> Wonder what it tells ?


If she likes jazz and soundtracks from TV and screen.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

BlueWoman said:


> I have to agree with Turnera. I don't actually know if you are the spectrum or not. But you do seem to struggle with appropriate social interactions. What other people can intuitively get, you don't seem to.
> 
> But there are in fact people who specialize in helping people who struggle with social interactions.
> 
> ...


Exactly. I am in no way criticizing you or insulting you. I'm giving you what I think is VERY accurate analysis. As I've said, I watched a young man grow up on the Aspie spectrum and he had the exact same struggles as you. But he's a wonderful person who I love to death. One of the sweetest people I've ever known; when he was having troubles at home, I told him he could come here as a refuge.

He's never had a girlfriend that I know of, but only because he has the exact same problems you have in talking to them; so instead of getting help for it, he just dives into his schoolwork.

But you can find out more about what I'm describing and, if it fits, find even more help for working around it. Like that book I described earlier; that guy carries around a 'cheat sheet' to help him understand what his wife means when she says A, B, or C. Now that he's learned WHY he's slightly different from her and learned coping skills and workarounds, most of their arguments have disappeared and they're more in love than ever. It just took a little education on his part, and a little ingenuity on how to turn potential issues into solutions.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

tripad said:


> Smg
> 
> Maybe she doesn't like seafood



She stated she liked seafood in her profile which is why I asked the question. I bet her phone conversation will suck


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> I bet her phone conversation will suck


For that exact reason, she ain't calling you.

Take a look at yourself, brah.
You already think this chick is a waste of your time.... Yet your sitting on the phone waiting for it to ring.... Waiting on a chick that has nothing to say to you, and doesn't want to know anything about you....

Get a dog.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> For that exact reason, she ain't calling you.
> 
> Take a look at yourself, brah.
> You already think this chick is a waste of your time.... Yet your sitting on the phone waiting for it to ring.... Waiting on a chick that has nothing to say to you, and doesn't want to know anything about you....
> ...



I'm not waiting on sh&T, if she calls she calls


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Have you considered escorts? They will talk about whatever you want to, and tell you whatever you want to hear, because you are paying them to do so. You can even give them a script to read from and you guys can have a conversation go EXACTLY the way you want it to go. Yes, you have to pay them, but in the end you get your "fun date" that you want. Really its a win win situation.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> Have you considered escorts? They will talk about whatever you want to, and tell you whatever you want to hear, because you are paying them to do so. You can even give them a script to read from and you guys can have a conversation go EXACTLY the way you want it to go. Yes, you have to pay them, but in the end you get your "fun date" that you want. Really its a win win situation.


No because it's fake interest


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> you know how the conversation begins with "hey how are you?
> 
> Where are you from?
> 
> ...


I admire that you come here for advice, even when you receive harsh criticism.  I do think that the forum will not be able to provide you with enough help. I have a few suggestions, but this will only be surface improvements.

First, take "How are you?" - it is boring. Emphasising it, i.e. "How _are_ you?" is a bit contrived. It leads to tne answer "fine". So, instead, try "Tell me about the highlight of your day?", or something similar. It means she will have to engage and also reflect on something positive that means something to her.

What she tells you about will help you learn about what excites her, how she relates to people and how she sees people. You will get a glimpse of her passions and emotions. In this you are subtly asking for an insight into her emotional day-to-day life. If you like you can then follow up with "so, you really enjoy the company of people who xxxxx?".

The problem with the question on "what was the last seafood place you been to and what type of seafood do you like the most?""what was the last seafood place you been to and what type of seafood do you like the most?" is that the answer is not interesting to her or you and it seems contrived rather than natural.

You are getting a hard time on here. I have a good impression of you, but I think when you socialise it goes badly and you are struggling to keep taking the knocks and get back up again. That will make you defensive. I am rather good at chatting, but when I take a few knocks, my confidence and ability goes into a spiral. The good news is that success and confidence builds on itself. 

I using this with people generally, and that way you do not have to start using it as a cold line on dates. Also, with less pressure in day to day conversations, you can practise listening to what people say, note what they are excited by, comforted by and interested in rather than the exact details of what they describe.

I would take Tunera's advice to heart.

Feel free to PM me on this.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

You'll have much better luck asking her which dry cleaner she uses, rather than her favorite seafood restaurant.

Try that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> I admire that you come here for advice, even when you receive harsh criticism. I do think that the forum will not be able to provide you with enough help. I have a few suggestions, but this will only be surface improvements.
> 
> First, take "How are you?" - it is boring. Emphasising it, i.e. "How _are_ you?" is a bit contrived. It leads to tne answer "fine". So, instead, try "Tell me about the highlight of your day?", or something similar. It means she will have to engage and also reflect on something positive that means something to her.
> 
> ...




Your post confirmed why I miss Telephone Dating


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> You'll have much better luck asking her which dry cleaner she uses, rather than her favorite seafood restaurant.
> 
> Try that!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah that's why I love fetish lifestyle, none of this nonsense


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> Your post confirmed why I miss Telephone Dating


Really? Why is that?


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> Really? Why is that?


Because you got a feel for the person's personality from the sound of their voice and not just typing and sending messages


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Don't most old sites have a call feature?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> Because you got a feel for the person's personality from the sound of their voice and not just typing and sending messages


Indeed. 
On-line dating has a place, but it cannot replace learning to create a connection in person. I would suggest learning on making emotional connections with people in a non-romantic setting. 

You mentioned on another thread that there was a rude waitress. Your reaction seemed (and this is only my impression) that you were annoyed as you saw her purpose there to wait on people. Your Mum saw a woman, who was waitressing and having a bad day. Essentially, your view took some humanity from the woman whereas your Mum's view saw the humanity as the important thing. Which view is better is not important, but in terms of having the possibility for an emotional connection, your Mum's was more useful.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> Indeed.
> On-line dating has a place, but it cannot replace learning to create a connection in person. I would suggest learning on making emotional connections with people in a non-romantic setting.
> 
> You mentioned on another thread that there was a rude waitress. Your reaction seemed (and this is only my impression) that you were annoyed as you saw her purpose there to wait on people. Your Mum saw a woman, who was waitressing and having a bad day. Essentially, your view took some humanity from the woman whereas your Mum's view saw the humanity as the important thing. Which view is better is not important, but in terms of having the possibility for an emotional connection, your Mum's was more useful.


I don't care about her bad day, she was there to do a job


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> I don't care about her bad day, she was there to do a job


People will read that and think you are a selfish, nasty person. I do not believe that, but this thread is in part about how you come across. At the moment, the best side of you is not being present, which means that meaningful conversation is difficult.

It may not seem relevant to you, but basically you are saying you had no interest in that person. If you have no interest in people, then you are going to struggle to make emotional connections.

That waitress may have given you bad service, which upset you but I give you a few points to consider:
- the bad service may have been important to you, but it was not actually important in itself. Recognise the difference (I am not saying bad service is OK, but just be aware of the difference and learn something about yourself.
- The waitress was there for lots of reasons. One was to earn money, one was to get you your food. She may have been having a hard time and had to take extra shifts, she may be taking this job while dreaming of big ambitions (perhaps she feels demeaned in this job), she may be struggling to support a family. Who knows? We do not, try considering the possibilities as an exercise. Why was she working there? Why could she have come across as she did?
- If you are to start making emotional connections with people, start with yourself. Keep a journal of what you enjoyed in the day and why and upset you and what you thought was endangered when you got upset. 

Consider these practical answers. Also, dates hate it if you are rude to the wait staff. If it is anywhere you might take a date, be nice to the wait staff and tip heavily.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> People will read that and think you are a selfish, nasty person. I do not believe that, but this thread is in part about how you come across. At the moment, the best side of you is not being present, which means that meaningful conversation is difficult.
> 
> It may not seem relevant to you, but basically you are saying you had no interest in that person. If you have no interest in people, then you are going to struggle to make emotional connections.
> 
> ...


If I was on a date I would not have showed my frustration. But since I was with my mom I didn't have a issue showing my irritation. And I thought just having a look of irritation was fine since I spoke calmly and never raised my voice. So my mom kind of surprised and made me more annoyed when she had a issue with my demeanor and not the server's


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> If I was on a date I would not have showed my frustration. But since I was with my mom I didn't have a issue showing my irritation. And I thought just having a look of irritation was fine since I spoke calmly and never raised my voice. So my mom kind of surprised and made me more annoyed when she had a issue with my demeanor and not the server's


Good stuff, mate. Clearly, you go on plenty of dates so you are not as bad socially as many on here make out.

However, (and I am being very critical here), by understanding the waitress a little more, your Mum did not get as irritated. The poor standard of service was less of an issue for her, essentially she solved much of the problem. I think your Mum was annoyed because she cares for you and saw the pain in you, which she did not to see. Because people are weird like that.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Mr The Other said:


> SMG15 said:
> 
> 
> > If I was on a date I would not have showed my frustration. But since I was with my mom I didn't have a issue showing my irritation. And I thought just having a look of irritation was fine since I spoke calmly and never raised my voice. So my mom kind of surprised and made me more annoyed when she had a issue with my demeanor and not the server's
> ...


Your mum was trying to teach you better behaviour .

I would teach my son the same .


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

tripad said:


> Your mum was trying to teach you better behaviour .
> 
> I would teach my son the same .


Better behavior? All I had was a look of irritation.

You act like I snapped out and called the waitress a dumb b*tch


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> I don't care about her bad day, she was there to do a job


Just as a woman is there to give YOU a good time on a date?

No wonder no one ever wants to date you a second or third time. By the third date, they can already tell you're a self-absorbed user.

You want a REAL relationship? Start thinking about what SHE wants.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Why are you so irritable?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> If I was on a date I would not have showed my frustration. But since I was with my mom I didn't have an issue showing my irritation.


Right.

Because your mom doesn't DESERVE your respect. She's just your mother. (and a woman, who you clearly don't respect except for their utility)

And, to take it further, if you're on a date you are GOING TO BE FAKE.

Another reason women won't go out with you twice.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> Better behavior? All I had was a look of irritation.
> 
> You act like I snapped out and called the waitress a dumb b*tch


I guarantee everyone within 10 feet knew you were THINKING it.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> Why are you so irritable?


I'm not irritable I just don't like people applying to jobs they know will make them miserable and then take it out on you.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> Right.
> 
> Because your mom doesn't DESERVE your respect. She's just your mother. (and a woman, who you clearly don't respect except for their utility)
> 
> ...




Keep in mind I didn't think my irritation was obvious and actually felt I was being calm. So I was surprised when my mom was analyzing my face when I approached the waitress


And I thought going on dates was about being FAKE?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> And I thought going on dates was about being FAKE?


:rofl:

Who told you that?

No wonder you're having so much trouble. Dating is about learning who the other person IS, not who they might PRETEND to be. What good does that do?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> tripad said:
> 
> 
> > Your mum was trying to teach you better behaviour .
> ...


My son is only 10 and he was hungry and impatient and complaining to me that the waiter is slow .

He didnt even show the waiter any " face of irritation "

N i " taught my son " to be a better person so he wont have " interpersonal or relationship problems " in future .

You are disagreeing with your mum and many here .

I do sense you may have issues with dating .


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> :rofl:
> 
> Who told you that?
> 
> No wonder you're having so much trouble. Dating is about learning who the other person IS, not who they might PRETEND to be. What good does that do?


Are you going to tell me people don't lie when going on dates???????????


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

No, SMG, most people don't lie when they go on dates. They might not highlight their bad points, but they don't typically flat out make up a lie about who they are, what they like, what they do for a living, etc. The whole POINT of dating is to find someone who has SIMILAR likes and dislikes and interests, so that you can find someone you want to spend more time with! It's dumb to lie because, well, eventually the lie gets exposed and you look like a sh*t for lying.

I think you're confusing regular people who date with catfishing.

Either that, or else the only reason YOU want to date is to get sex and you couldn't care less about the other person. Which I'm beginning to wonder if that isn't all you care about anyway. In all your threads, you've never once talked about the personal aspect of any of the women you've tried to go out with - only whether or not they are pleasing YOU.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

IF you gets tips on conversation will you try them? 

You have not acknowledged a single helpful tip from anyone in the history of any post on this forum ever.

Here is a tip that you can start with. 

Say Thank you and agree to try the tips you get instead of arguing and saying stupid $hit back and asking more $tupid questions without acknowledging that MANY people here have tried to help you despite your ignoring every solitary tip you have ever gotten here. 

Here is another tip. If someone is giving you one word answers then you can say "it seems you are not in the mood to talk right now. Feel free to message me if you want to chat. Hope you have a super day."

followed by a positive attitude and acceptance that you are not for everyone and neither are they and move along without all the drama and childish antics and expectations. 

I fully expect you to completely ignore all of those tips and say something incredivly irritating and stupid. 

Tip three, don't ignore tips, say stupid irritating things with a negative attitude when someone is trying to help you. 

Instead and tip 3 LISTEN FOR ONCE IN YOUR UNWORKABLE TIME WASTING APPROACH TO BENEFITTING FROM ADVICE

You are at the mercy of those that find your train wreck antics entertaining with a hope they can finally penetrate your gallactic lack of social graces.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

thread the needle said:


> IF you gets tips on conversation will you try them?
> 
> You have not acknowledged a single helpful tip from anyone in the history of any post on this forum ever.
> 
> ...



I plan to ask the :what was the highlight of your day question when I talk to the next girl


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Personal said:


> Whether they've got good taste or bad.


That is subjective. What I like may not be the same thing you like. I wouldn't say you necessarily have BAD taste, though... just different.

Besides, what if someone actually likes songs from many genres? I like some country, rock, oldies, even contemporary Christian music.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> That is subjective. What I like may not be the same thing you like. I wouldn't say you necessarily have BAD taste, though... just different.
> 
> Besides, what if someone actually likes songs from many genres? I like some country, rock, oldies, even contemporary Christian music.


You are pedantic like me. I am trying to translate what people mean instead of what they say. 

What they mean my good taste is the same as them. 

Isn't that weird? Drives me nuts but I do the same in reverse because half the people are sloppy with words and the other half translates everything they heard to what they think is meant. 

But not us.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> I'm not irritable I just don't like people applying to jobs they know will make them miserable and then take it out on you.


I know I shouldn't... but I'm going to, anyway...

SMG, how do you know she applied for a job she knew would make her miserable? How do you know the circumstances behind her getting the job as a waitress? You don't. You don't know if she needed a job, ANY job, to pay her bills. You don't know if she may have been a stay-at-home parent, forced to reenter the workforce because her husband/boyfriend/significant other got sick, passed away, or for some other reason there was no longer income... and they needed SOMETHING, anything. Or, maybe, just maybe, she normally LOVES her job. Maybe she got bad news just before you came in. Or, maybe, she could read your body language and she was responding to that. Maybe she, like I, hates when someone has obvious contempt toward his mother, and it darkened her mood toward you. You can try and hide it all you want, but when someone is good at reading that body language, all the supposedly hidden contempt is right there, visible. 

Truthfully, if you behave like that with your mother, wait staff will remember that behavior if you come back with a date. That isn't opinion, that is fact.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> Are you going to tell me people don't lie when going on dates???????????


I having an understanding with a lady, which we reached on the second date. What is unusual about this is she had apparently not had sex for over a year and had dated one handsome, muscular man fifteen times without him getting a sniff. 
Apparently, the what made the difference was on the second date, I told her that my marriage was not divorced yet. When she asked about the marriage I first gave my wife's version and then mine. Having the balls to be that open and honest made all the difference to her. 

I am not recommending saying you are going through a divorce. But, if you show off to her and she accuses you of showing off, say "yes". 

The reason I suspect that you give the impression of being selfish (which is the impression you give here), is that you have a strong emotional need for companionship which is not being met. You are very focused on that and ironically, that can be off-putting. 

To get through that, well, it is going to take a few things (and feel free to tell me if I am wrong). Possibly a combination of yoga, therapy, meditation and patience.

I realized recently, that I had become negative. Someone complimented me and I was to compliment them and I froze. I worked on it and suddenly people are opening up to me more. I am not a different man and I was not unkind before, but it does have an effect. 

At the moment, you are struggling with a few things. At the moment, many people can only see those things, your anger, frustration, feelings of emotional need. That is great, as once those things disappear you will find you life transform. You will feel better and people will be able to see the real you.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> I plan to ask the :what was the highlight of your day question when I talk to the next girl


That's the spirit! Use it in general conversation too, it will help it feel more natural to ask.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> I know I shouldn't... but I'm going to, anyway...
> 
> SMG, how do you know she applied for a job she knew would make her miserable? How do you know the circumstances behind her getting the job as a waitress? You don't. You don't know if she needed a job, ANY job, to pay her bills. You don't know if she may have been a stay-at-home parent, forced to reenter the workforce because her husband/boyfriend/significant other got sick, passed away, or for some other reason there was no longer income... and they needed SOMETHING, anything. Or, maybe, just maybe, she normally LOVES her job. Maybe she got bad news just before you came in. Or, maybe, she could read your body language and she was responding to that. Maybe she, like I, hates when someone has obvious contempt toward his mother, and it darkened her mood toward you. You can try and hide it all you want, but when someone is good at reading that body language, all the supposedly hidden contempt is right there, visible.
> 
> Truthfully, if you behave like that with your mother, wait staff will remember that behavior if you come back with a date. That isn't opinion, that is fact.


I'm a former career coach and I always told people never apply to any job because you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you are depressed. You make a list of what low paying jobs you are willing to do until you find that right job. For me that was data entry, front desk clerk, or customer service in a call center. I would have never applied to Target knowing I would hate the job. So you have to always like something about any job you apply to regardless if you have bills or not.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> That's the spirit! Use it in general conversation too, it will help it feel more natural to ask.


Dating wasn't this tough for me at 21/22. At that time all I had to be was cute, funny, and have a job.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> I'm a former career coach and I always told people never apply to any job because you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you are depressed. You make a list of what low paying jobs you are willing to do until you find that right job. For me that was data entry, front desk clerk, or customer service in a call center. I would have never applied to Target knowing I would hate the job. So you have to always like something about any job you apply to regardless if you have bills or not.


Once again, you completely missed the very valid point made. You continue to miss the point of every poster over and over and over and over and over. 

Is that another trait of Asperger's? 

BTW it looks like trolling when you post dozens of threads full of outrageous behaviors and then fully ignore how upsetting others find your claims and thoughts while ignoring every shred of solid advice given 100% of the time. 

I am curious after following the low quality train wreck level discussion you are infamous for, if there is a correlation between trolling and Aspies


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> Dating wasn't this tough for me at 21/22. At that time all I had to be was cute, funny, and have a job.


Your behavior and perspective is neither cute nor funny so I hope you future dates sake you don't think they are


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

thread the needle said:


> Your behavior and perspective is neither cute nor funny so I hope you future dates sake you don't think they are


Now why in the world would you say something like that?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> Dating wasn't this tough for me at 21/22. At that time all I had to be was cute, funny, and have a job.


It is easy to think that what has changed is age. It probably is a bit, but I am working on this and I do not think it is the main thing.

Women (selectively) used to really like me, more than I could reasonably explain. I and my teammates were bemused by it. Then, rather suddenly, they went off me. I am realizing that it was from the inside, I was very positive and genuinely interested in people. Then I had a hard time and closed myself off and lost joie de vivre. As I get it back, it all seems to get easier.

These little techniques may help, but it is working on the heart and mind that is important. That is was easier for you once, means it can be easier for you again.

Good luck!


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> Now why in the world would you say something like that?


To try and break thru the stunning level of thickness devoid of a shred of progress that has so many here in awe that you have displayed in every thread you have ever posted to this forum


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

thread the needle said:


> To try and break thru the stunning level of thickness devoid of a shred of progress that has so many here in awe that you have displayed in every thread you have ever posted to this forum


Nail and head... YEP you hit it! :grin2:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> I'm a former career coach and I always told people never apply to any job because you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you are depressed.


Which is COMPLETELY unrealistic to the life that 95% of the people in the world live. Which is...take whatever job WILL TAKE YOU, until you can get a better one...because THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS to 95% of us is paying our bills until the next paycheck. So, yeah, MOST of us get stuck with SH*T JOBS for 90% of our lifetimes.

So the odds of you finding a waitress who is HAPPY to be your waitress, who is NOT concerned with earning $10 more in tips this week just so she can buy the bread and peanut butter her son needs for his school lunches (since she can't afford to pay for the lunches the school charges for) - are almost astronomically UNREALISTIC.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> Now why in the world would you say something like that?


Because every single thing you post is 100% outrageous and outside the norm from what 99% of the people on this planet think and say and do.

But you refuse to even TALK about that. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over (have I covered all the threads you've started yet?).


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Shout out to all the people that work hard and appreciate the employment they have. Well over 90% of the wait staff I engage with are wonderful and the rest I assume are having a bad day because they are having to wait on someone like SMG or they have real problems that ate scary and overwhelming. 

Keep your chin up people despite the ignorance of 1 to 5% of the population that is so self-absorbed and ignorant as to not understand the challenges that face you and your loved ones while you work hard to barely get thru one challenge after another. 

I actually have it good but I still feel much of the pain of everyone worse off than me as long as they have a good heart or a very good excuse for not having one while they work on getting there.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> Which is COMPLETELY unrealistic to the life that 95% of the people in the world live. Which is...take whatever job WILL TAKE YOU, until you can get a better one...because THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS to 95% of us is paying our bills until the next paycheck. So, yeah, MOST of us get stuck with SH*T JOBS for 90% of our lifetimes.
> 
> So the odds of you finding a waitress who is HAPPY to be your waitress, who is NOT concerned with earning $10 more in tips this week just so she can buy the bread and peanut butter her son needs for his school lunches (since she can't afford to pay for the lunches the school charges for) - are almost astronomically UNREALISTIC.



When job searching you have to make a list of jobs you are willing to do that are low paying and a list that you won;t do

If you accept any job and try to look for something better it make take years so why even take the crappy job in the first place?

Just like the tonight in the supermarket the cashier was looking stupid with a frowned up face while ringing up everyone;s food. She should quit so she won't be miserable


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

He's a career coach !!!


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I believe he said was...
Just like I was an abstinence coach for Americorps


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> When job searching you have to make a list of jobs you are willing to do that are low paying and a list that you won;t do
> 
> If you accept any job and try to look for something better it make take years so why even take the crappy job in the first place?
> 
> Just like the tonight in the supermarket the cashier was looking stupid with a frowned up face while ringing up everyone;s food. She should quit so she won't be miserable


Wow... 
I used to work as a cashier at a grocery store, years ago. I started out bagging groceries at that same store, during my senior year in high school. I took a year off from working when I went to college my first year. That summer, I came home and started working there, again, but got promoted to cashier... and continued working as a cashier on weekends, when I came home from school. I had good days and bad days. JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE. Even you, SMG, even you. I had regular customers who PURPOSELY went to my register, and others who completely avoided me. Why? Impressions. That first impression is lasting, I will give you that. It doesn't mean I wasn't suited to that job. I loved it, for the most part. Loved most of my coworkers, etc. But, when I moved, I was willing to take any job I was qualified to work. Why? Because I knew that NO JOB was beneath me. None. And if people start out with the mentality that they are too good for any job, they will do poorly no matter where they go. You can argue that as much as you wish, but your own attitude toward many things, thus far, proves my point... Your attitude makes you seem like you believe yourself to be superior to a waitress, to a cashier, to the women you date... even to your own mother. You are not. At best, you are equal... nothing more.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> If you accept any job and try to look for something better it make take years so why even take the crappy job in the first place?


Uh, because you have no training or experience to even be considered for anything better, so you take the jobs you CAN get?

Did you grow up rich or something? You seem to have absolutely NO cognizance of what it means to live paycheck to paycheck, to worry about how to afford groceries or gas, and to have to eat crow just to get enough money to pay your rent. And then start all over again the NEXT two weeks.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My DD25 is in grad school for a PhD, got her BS 2+ years ago, did a lot of volunteer work in clinical studies, and has applied for more than 100 jobs. Guess where she's working now? The discount clothing store she worked at during her summers home from college. Because she didn't get a single call back from the 100+ clinical jobs she applied for. Her best friend got her BA last summer and hasn't gotten a single interview in the past year for what her degree was in. She, too, is now working at that discount clothing store because she can't find anything else.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> Wow...
> I used to work as a cashier at a grocery store, years ago. I started out bagging groceries at that same store, during my senior year in high school. I took a year off from working when I went to college my first year. That summer, I came home and started working there, again, but got promoted to cashier... and continued working as a cashier on weekends, when I came home from school. I had good days and bad days. JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE. Even you, SMG, even you. I had regular customers who PURPOSELY went to my register, and others who completely avoided me. Why? Impressions. That first impression is lasting, I will give you that. It doesn't mean I wasn't suited to that job. I loved it, for the most part. Loved most of my coworkers, etc. But, when I moved, I was willing to take any job I was qualified to work. Why? Because I knew that NO JOB was beneath me. None. And if people start out with the mentality that they are too good for any job, they will do poorly no matter where they go. You can argue that as much as you wish, but your own attitude toward many things, thus far, proves my point... Your attitude makes you seem like you believe yourself to be superior to a waitress, to a cashier, to the women you date... even to your own mother. You are not. At best, you are equal... nothing more.




But you have to make sure it;s something you LIKE about that job.

For example. I like to work in a office environment and was willing to be a data entry clerk until something better came along

I knew not to apply to retail or fast food or labor jobs that would make me miserable


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> But you have to make sure it;s something you LIKE about that job.


No, you DON'T have to make sure you like the job. Not if you NEED THE MONEY.



SMG15 said:


> For example. I like to work in a office environment and was willing to be a data entry clerk until something better came along
> 
> I knew not to apply to retail or fast food or labor jobs that would make me miserable


Again, you must not have had immediate need for money to pay bills, or you would have discovered a completely new side of yourself - humility. The kind I described in my daughter, who held off on subjecting herself to a retail job as long as she could and then just finally bit the bullet because she had school loans demanding to be paid and couldn't GET any other job.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> No, you DON'T have to make sure you like the job. Not if you NEED THE MONEY.
> 
> 
> Again, you must not have had immediate need for money to pay bills, or you would have discovered a completely new side of yourself - humility. The kind I described in my daughter, who held off on subjecting herself to a retail job as long as she could and then just finally bit the bullet because she had school loans demanding to be paid and couldn't GET any other job.


If you are taking care of yourself you must analyze each job ad and see if it's one thing you like about

Anyone who accepts any job is a fool


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

turnera said:


> Did you grow up ?


No


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And, as always, you don't answer any questions about yourself. WERE you broke like most of us or did you not have to worry that much?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> If you are taking care of yourself you must analyze each job ad and see if it's one thing you like about
> 
> Anyone who accepts any job is a fool


Then call me a fool. No, you don't have to know you would like the environment, or the type of work, before applying. I had NO CLUE how to bag groceries, how to run a cash register, until I started working at that store. Before that, I babysat and had a paper route. During my second year in college, I also did work study. I didn't run a cash register, though that was my experience up to that point. I worked in the cafeteria, cleaning tables and serving food. I would have even washed dishes if that was where they had placed me. I hated doing dishes when I was growing up. But guess what. If that was what was a available, that's what I would have done. And serving/cooking? HA! I actually managed to burn water when I first started cooking at home. But I was placed at the grill, told to cook burgers and serve them. I had NEVER run an ice cream machine before, in my life... yet I willingly LEARNED because it needed to be done. Why? Because I needed the money. I had things I needed to pay for, so I took what work I could. Like I said, SMG, NO ONE is too good for ANY job. And if you have children to feed? You take what you can get... PERIOD. You have absolutely no clue about any aspect of life, really. You had no business coaching people about jobs. You have no idea what you're talking about.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

One of the primary reasons your dating results suck so bad is because you do not know how to have a conversation. 

Every thread you have ever posted has established your complete unwillingness to answer questions relevant to the flow of the conversation. 

Due to the hilarity and entertainment value of complete train wrecks you have had the good fortune of a large multiple of responses. 

On the matter of having something to work with conversationally, your cup runneth over. 

Yet you manage to screw up every conversation with every person here that desires to have a conversation with you.

I wont bother to ask you why that is because you won't answer and because I know why. 

You don't care about what anyone else needs from you to continue their interest in you in any manner. 

You will never have a relationship until you fix your fatal flaws in your very annoying personality


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> Then call me a fool. No, you don't have to know you would like the environment, or the type of work, before applying. I had NO CLUE how to bag groceries, how to run a cash register, until I started working at that store. Before that, I babysat and had a paper route. During my second year in college, I also did work study. I didn't run a cash register, though that was my experience up to that point. I worked in the cafeteria, cleaning tables and serving food. I would have even washed dishes if that was where they had placed me. I hated doing dishes when I was growing up. But guess what. If that was what was a available, that's what I would have done. And serving/cooking? HA! I actually managed to burn water when I first started cooking at home. But I was placed at the grill, told to cook burgers and serve them. I had NEVER run an ice cream machine before, in my life... yet I willingly LEARNED because it needed to be done. Why? Because I needed the money. I had things I needed to pay for, so I took what work I could. Like I said, SMG, NO ONE is too good for ANY job. And if you have children to feed? You take what you can get... PERIOD. You have absolutely no clue about any aspect of life, really. You had no business coaching people about jobs. You have no idea what you're talking about.


even if you need the money you make a list of jobs you want and another list of jobs called "push come to shove jobs"

I would never apply to a job I know I would hate regardless if I need the money


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> even if you need the money you make a list of jobs you want and another list of jobs called "push come to shove jobs"
> 
> I would never apply to a job I know I would hate regardless if I need the money


Then, you're a fool. Yes, you read that correctly. You're a fool. A mildly entertaining troll, at that. When you HAVE to pay bills, you take whatever is available, period. You obviously grew up not having to worry about that. Those of us who don't live under bridges, or in our parents' basements, do not have that luxury. When you have children to feed, you take what you can get, even if it is something you do not LIKE to do. My mom worked at a motel, cleaning the rooms. Next, she worked at a dry cleaning shop. After that, she worked at a factory. Before I was born, she worked as a nurse's aid at a nursing home. When I was little, she babysat. Of all the jobs she ever had, do you know what she loved? Babysitting. She hated factory work, but that is what she did for most of the time I was growing up. Do you know WHY she took those jobs? Because she had children to take care of. Yes, my dad worked. Unfortunately, his income didn't cover everything, so she had to get a job outside the home, too. Like I said, you have no idea wtf you're talking about. Go back under your bridge, or into your mom's basement... and grow the f*ck up!


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> Then, you're a fool. Yes, you read that correctly. You're a fool. A mildly entertaining troll, at that. When you HAVE to pay bills, you take whatever is available, period. You obviously grew up not having to worry about that. Those of us who don't live under bridges, or in our parents' basements, do not have that luxury. When you have children to feed, you take what you can get, even if it is something you do not LIKE to do. My mom worked at a motel, cleaning the rooms. Next, she worked at a dry cleaning shop. After that, she worked at a factory. Before I was born, she worked as a nurse's aid at a nursing home. When I was little, she babysat. Of all the jobs she ever had, do you know what she loved? Babysitting. She hated factory work, but that is what she did for most of the time I was growing up. Do you know WHY she took those jobs? Because she had children to take care of. Yes, my dad worked. Unfortunately, his income didn't cover everything, so she had to get a job outside the home, too. Like I said, you have no idea wtf you're talking about. Go back under your bridge, or into your mom's basement... and grow the f*ck up!



Well if that is the case then the person should not look angry as a cashier since they need the money. If you need the money then be pleasant when serving the public


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> Well if that is the case then the person should not look angry as a cashier since they need the money. If you need the money then be pleasant when serving the public


No one is allowed to have a single bad day, no matter what, in the world of SMG, apparently. Get over yourself. Grow up. More and more, your words make you appear to be a boy, not a man. You act younger than my 14 year old. Thank God he understands that people are not required to plaster on a happy face everyday. At least he has the sense to acknowledge that the world does not revolve around him. Too bad the same cannot be said of you, SMG.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> Maricha75 said:
> 
> 
> > Wow...
> ...


U dont have bills to pay so you can say and do that .

Let me guess . You are still staying with mum and mummy pay the bills ?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I make good money . Do i like the job ? Yes and no . I like my job itself and i like the money it gives me . But i dont like the businessmen i deal with as some are as8holes . 

Smg 

I cant imagine you were a career coach . What happen to the job ? You must have been high handed and you are fired ? 

A coach is supposed to be motivational n inspiring . You are definitely not it . All the people who went under your coaching must have committed suicide .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I have a second business line , running and coaching academic classes for children . I made good money .

Do i like the job ? Yes and no

I like the children , love some of them . But some parents are not desirable to deal with . 

Just like a waitress or a cashier . Some customers make their day and customers screwed their day .

Maybe you screw their day . Maybe that waitress recognised you as the lousy patron and she serve you with a less than happy face . 

Smg 

Food for thought 

To improve yourself before you spend the rest of life alone and wonder what's wrong with the world .


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

LOL

Some of us have wiped as$es, and have had sh!t fly into our mouths!

Yet still loved the job, but some days, not so much.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Of course I have bills but I made sure I applied to jobs I only liked doing to make sure I would not be depressed and snap. Lol


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> Of course I have bills but I made sure I applied to jobs I only liked doing to make sure I would not be depressed and snap. Lol


Not everybody has the issue of becoming depressed and snapping.

You should seriously look into some personal counselling for depression and irritability.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Yup agreed

For him to see everyone ard him.snap


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

tripad said:


> I cant imagine you were a career coach . What happen to the job ? You must have been high handed and you are fired ?


I think it was probably before his incarceration.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> Well if that is the case then the person should not look angry as a cashier since they need the money. If you need the money then be pleasant when serving the public


Maybe she can't help looking angry. Maybe she has B*tchy Resting Face.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SMG
Most of us don't have a linear view on life, sometimes I wish it was that simple, honestly. I would love to just wake up to a menu for the day, pick my course and not expect the unexpected.

I understand that just isn't how my life functions, so I have no choice but to accept variance, and adapt (without getting depressed or snapping).

This 'snap' you describe has a name, its called a meltdown.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

turnera said:


> No, you DON'T have to make sure you like the job. Not if you NEED THE MONEY.



This little tangent is making me chuckle. I am picturing a conversation with a child. My darling child, I know you are hungry. But I could not take that job because I don't LIKE it. Said no parent (decent parent) ever.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And Aspergers.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> turnera said:
> 
> 
> > No, you DON'T have to make sure you like the job. Not if you NEED THE MONEY.
> ...


Even my boys 8 and 10 knows when mummy has a bad day working her as8 off to feed them and bring her tea and behave take a book n read n keep quiet .


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Huh? ??? It's people on this site that admitted they wanted to snap because they hated the job. And if the job is your main source of income you have to make sure that it's the right fit. 


Just like when I went to a job interview 2 years ago and found out the hours were 3pm to 11pm and not 9am to 5pm like it said in the ad and I walked out.

If I had took the job the shift would have depressed me


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> And that's what is so weird because why keep responding with one word answers instead of ignoring me?


Attention and a backup option for Friday night. Look it's not hard if they aren't asking you things about yourself they aren't interested or interested enough. You have to move past those.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> when I went to a job interview 2 years ago and found out the hours were 3pm to 11pm and not 9am to 5pm like it said in the ad and I walked out.
> 
> If I had took the job the shift would have depressed me


Shame on them for not offering you the job that you applied for. I don't think that was fair at all. Now, had you brought this up with a therapist or counselor I would be willing to bet that that company would have been reprimanded (as they should)


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> Huh? ??? It's people on this site that admitted they wanted to snap because they hated the job. And if the job is your main source of income you have to make sure that it's the right fit.
> 
> 
> Just like when I went to a job interview 2 years ago and found out the hours were 3pm to 11pm and not 9am to 5pm like it said in the ad and I walked out.
> ...


My neighbor took a shift job. He works 3-11pm M-F. When school starts next week, his sons will only see him on weekends. Only his wife and daughter will see him during the week. It sucks, but he took the job because they need the steady income. Before, he was doing odd jobs, renovating and repairing houses. But that isn't steady income. He has a family to support, so he took what was available. Sorry, but not everyone has the luxury of refusing a job because they are afraid it will depress them.

Now, I will say that there is one thing I did before I started working, which many may not agree with. There is only one day, really just a specific 24 hour period of time, when I cannot work... Friday night until Saturday night. However, I ALWAYS gave an alternative option when filling out applications. For instance, I was always available on Sunday, any Sunday. The only exception was Graduation Day and any family function I had no control over. But, I always had alternatives to work out the schedule, and I always put it in writing when filling out the applications. I never had an issue getting a job, either. Same with my dad, my husband, and my sisters. 

Really, it is ALL about your mentality, and how you approach the potential employers. If you start with the attitude of "I'm too good for this job", you will definitely be miserable. But, if you have the mindset "I will do the best I can, while I am here", I guarantee you will do better. Like I said, you have no clue.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

I can't imagine his dates haven't asked him something meaningful, like

"SMG, have you tried tying a plastic bag around your head?"


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

If the job ad says 9am to 5pm then that's what the hours should be because if not that's called false advertisement


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SMG
You told me your hobbies were blogging and research...
Is blogging something you want to do for others to benefit from your experiences?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> If the job ad says 9am to 5pm then that's what the hours should be because if not that's called false advertisement


Or, after the ad was placed, the job specifications changed.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> If the job ad says 9am to 5pm then that's what the hours should be because if not that's called false advertisement


SMG, I think it is far worse than false advertisement.
Someone else got that job, and I'd be willing to bet they were less qualified for it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> If the job ad says 9am to 5pm then that's what the hours should be because if not that's called false advertisement


How did they explain it? Perhaps they DID have those positions filled, and then a position opened on the other shift. Perhaps the paper messed up when putting in the available times. I would have asked why the original shift was no longer available, but that's me. Plenty of people end up on 2nd shift, even when applying for, and getting, first shift positions. Happened to my mom quite a few times. She started on first shift, then transferred to a different plant, closer to home. She had to take second shift at that time, in order to transfer. After a few years, a first shift position opened up and she was moved. She didn't like working 2nd shift, but did it because she was close by if anything happened.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

You know, I'm beginning to think that what SMG is saying is true. "You should only apply for the jobs that fit," and this is a good lesson for everybody who has debated with him on this topic.

You are on a whole different map, ok. What we consider to be liberty, could actually be someone else's chaos. Imagine working in an environment of total chaos, you would be depressed and snap too.

What SMG is describing is true to him, and what many of us are debating is also true to us.

Its like a 'puzzle,' but this puzzle is unique that the pieces can be solved many different ways and complete a totally different portrait. Neither method is wrong, both are complete.

2 different *puzzles*, both share the same pieces.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I don't belive he had many bills to pay . Maybe his phone bills . Mummy pays roof n food n water n electricity . 

Or his family is simply rich .


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

People like us with real bills to pay and mouths to feed had to smile n get the job done . Then go to the toilet and curse at lousy clients or customers .


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

tripad said:


> People like us with real bills to pay and mouths to feed had to smile n get the job done . Then go to the toilet and curse at lousy clients or customers .



There are several jobs better than fast food and retail


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> Hey Mongo, I been on my own since 2000


Have you been paying all of own bills every single month of every single year since then? Rent? Electricity? Food?


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Have you been paying all of own bills every single month of every single year since then? Rent? Electricity? Food?


Yup. I even decided to live off my credit card for 2 months after my unemployment ran out because I did not want to accept any job


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> There are several jobs better than fast food and retail


Nobody is refuting this. All we are saying is it is stupid to have the mindset that YOU are TOO GOOD for any job. You aren't. No one is. And it's stupid to advise someone to refuse a job when they need the money. Not everyone has the luxury of living off credit cards for two months. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to refuse a job. Some HAVE to take a job they don't like to be sure their families are taken care of. But, hey, if someone else has mommy and daddy to fall back on if the dream job falls through, more power to them. Personally, I am raising my kids to understand that they are not owed the job of a lifetime. They are learning that they have to be ready for anything in this life, including taking a job that sucks, until a better one comes along. You, obviously, have options. Not everyone has those options. And suggesting to people who do not have those options you do, that they should refuse a job when they desperately need it, is beyond ridiculous. I hope those people ended up not following your advice. You really have no business being a life/job/career coach... you are completely clueless about life.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> Yup. I even decided to live off my credit card for 2 months after my unemployment ran out because I did not want to accept any job


That's what my stbxw does!
Omg, want her #!


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> Nobody is refuting this. All we are saying is it is stupid to have the mindset that YOU are TOO GOOD for any job. You aren't. No one is. And it's stupid to advise someone to refuse a job when they need the money. Not everyone has the luxury of living off credit cards for two months. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to refuse a job. Some HAVE to take a job they don't like to be sure their families are taken care of. But, hey, if someone else has mommy and daddy to fall back on if the dream job falls through, more power to them. Personally, I am raising my kids to understand that they are not owed the job of a lifetime. They are learning that they have to be ready for anything in this life, including taking a job that sucks, until a better one comes along. You, obviously, have options. Not everyone has those options. And suggesting to people who do not have those options you do, that they should refuse a job when they desperately need it, is beyond ridiculous. I hope those people ended up not following your advice. You really have no business being a life/job/career coach... you are completely clueless about life.



Well it worked in the end, have a job I love that is close to home and treats us well.

And just because is lowing paying doesn't mean it has to be retail or fast food. It can be something like customer service in a call center which would be a lot better than making burgers.

You must find ONE THING you like about any job you apply to to avoid depression


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> Well it worked in the end, have a job I love that is close to home and treats us well.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




No, you really don't. 

As for whether one job would be "a lot better" than another, again, it's subjective. You don't like the idea of flipping burgers. Neither did I... and then I did it. And that, I truly believe, was what started my love for cooking and baking. I can be pleasant on the phone, and then complain to a coworker about the stupid question someone asked. I can have an excellent day working at a cash register, then it all go to sh*t because ONE person comes in, with the attitude that you possess. It doesn't mean that I hate the job. It doesn't mean that I am not good at the job. It means I am human and have human emotions... that I react to people I meet, just like anyone else does.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Maricha75 said:


> No, you really don't.
> 
> As for whether one job would be "a lot better" than another, again, it's subjective. You don't like the idea of flipping burgers. Neither did I... and then I did it. And that, I truly believe, was what started my love for cooking and baking. I can be pleasant on the phone, and then complain to a coworker about the stupid question someone asked. I can have an excellent day working at a cash register, then it all go to sh*t because ONE person comes in, with the attitude that you possess. It doesn't mean that I hate the job. It doesn't mean that I am not good at the job. It means I am human and have human emotions... that I react to people I meet, just like anyone else does.


The point I am trying to make is someone who works at a fast food job or retail will be too tired to look for something better


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

OK, we should all get back on topic, lest this goes on forever....

SMG15 would rather people block/ignore him, than continue to patronize him when they find him dull, and or annoying.

So without further adieu.
SMG15=ignored


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> OK, we should all get back on topic, lest this goes on forever....
> 
> SMG15 would rather people block/ignore him, than continue to patronize him when they find him dull, and or annoying.
> 
> ...


Cancel your internet service


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SMG15 said:


> The point I am trying to make is someone who works at a fast food job or retail will be too tired to look for something better


That's not true at all.

My first jobs were in fast food and retail. When I was not working I still had time for my studies, to party with friends and to look for a better job. Fast food and retail are not really all that tiring. 

Standing and walking around for a job is actually less tiring than sitting at a desk all day working at the computer. Now that's exhausting.. not good for the body or the mind.

I did eventually work my way up to a better 'job', though I'd say career were I have worked for decades as an engineer. Each job I had was a stepping stone to where I am now.

(I now I spend too much time sitting all day in an office.)


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> That's not true at all.
> 
> My first jobs were in fast food and retail. When I was not working I still had time for my studies, to party with friends and to look for a better job. Fast food and retail are not really all that tiring.
> 
> ...




You know and I know anyone who works in a office environment does not sit at their desk all day


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SMG15 said:


> You know and I know anyone who works in a office environment does not sit at their desk all day


Yes, and I know that many do.... a lot do. Did you know that?


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, and I know that many do.... a lot do. Did you know that?


How is that possible between

going to bathroom
going to the printer
going to copier
going to talk to cowokrers
going to lunch


These are the things that keep us moving throughout the day


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SMG15 said:


> How is that possible between
> 
> going to bathroom
> going to the printer
> ...


You are being too literal. Yes, they even usually have to walk from their house, to their car, then from the car to the office. Or maybe they take a bus.

My point is that office workers generally spend most of their working day sitting. It's unhealthy. It's right up there with chain smoking for health risks.

I read that in 1900, the average 'sedentary' person walked 5 miles a day. Today a person who walks 5 miles a day is considered very physically active.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> You know and I know anyone who works in a office environment does not sit at their desk all day


Well, yeah, they do. Every office I've worked in - for the past 34 years - the only people I've seen who didn't sit at their desk all day (aside from bathroom breaks and lunch and to get a drink/snack or go to a meeting - where they again sat down) were the photographers in my graphics group.

The problem you're having, SMG, is that you have YOUR beliefs, and you have a problem understanding that other people have theirs. So when you deal with other people, you're frustrated that they're not thinking what you're thinking, and they're frustrated that you're so focused on YOUR wants and needs that you have no room or patience for what THEY may be thinking or wanting or needing. And thus they fade out of your life because, frankly, you offer no value to them.

Like your belief about jobs and your belief about office workers. You SO remind me of my young friend with Aspergers. He came over to our house one day with a movie he wanted us to watch. He's a film student, horror films specifically. He brought us this Japanese horror movie, raving about it and telling us emphatically that it was the "best movie ever made." He just HAD to have us watch it, so we could be as enthralled as he was. 

It was just a Japanese horror film. Weird one at that. We were like, um, ok? So it's a horror movie. He was distraught that we weren't as over the moon about it. It was literally impossible for him to understand that someone else couldn't see the same thing he did. And he was upset with us.

Do you see how that can be a big stumbling block on him getting along with people? Especially girls, who are looking for an emotional connection?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SMG15 said:


> Cancel your internet service


You first.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Lol


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

turnera said:


> they fade out of your life


Fade? LOL

Skid marks maybe. There is nothing here for you SMG because your condition has you unable to benefit from any advice. You have not acknowledged a single point made as helpful since you have been here. Your only MO is argument and disdain for some of the most well-meaning people here with the biggest hearts and purest motives. What do you do with their contributions and efforts to help you? Dump on it, ignore it and refuse to answer questions for additional background so they can be more helpful. 

You are also entirely unaware of the level of annoying that you are even when it is blatantly expressed to you. I am positive your dates sense there is no one home in the head or heart of yours except your own misguided preconceived notions which you have no interest in growing out of despite your horrendous, personally disappointing results.

The saying "you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink" comes to mind every time you ignore or diss a helpful suggestion followed by arguing with it that people here with successful relationships have no idea what they are talking about.

The help you need is not available here.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> Cancel your internet service


You might have to send him a PM.

How are things going IRL? Any attempts at conversation?


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