# Struggling with loneliness



## Paris&Beasty (Nov 15, 2020)

Hello, I am here for advice. My husband does touch me, kiss me, or have sex with me. But I recently found live chat sites like (***********) and (***************) on his browser history. He has as well locked me out of all his email accounts and keeps his phone locked with every security feature there is to enable. I found out 2 days ago that he is using a Android overly app to hide or mask the identity of the true app. As well he also backs up his TXT and other communication apps contents to a file where he only has access. I have caught him with ******* and a few other dating apps downloaded previously as well as finding his messages with several woman. 
I really truly love my husband but he makes me feel so ashamed and ugly about myself..... I feel like I'm losing myself.... What should I do?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

You have to realize, this is NOT YOUR fault. You should not be ashamed or feel ugly -- this is 100% on your husband. HE IS CHEATING. If he is not willing to STOP this completely and work on counseling, there isn't much you can do as a one-sided marriage.

You need to work on yourself, kids if you have them, job/finances. If he won't stop ( I assume you have spoken with him about this), then you don't have much hope other than to see a lawyer and get YOUR plan together to protect yourself (and kids if any).

Do you have friends/family to support you through this? Don't keep this secret either -- let HIS family, your family, friends know that he is doing this. Again this is 100% on HIM, not you.
I hope you kept whatever screen shots or proof someplace.

I am very sorry you are going through this.


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## Paris&Beasty (Nov 15, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> You have to realize, this is NOT YOUR fault. You should not be ashamed or feel ugly -- this is 100% on your husband. HE IS CHEATING. If he is not willing to STOP this completely and work on counseling, there isn't much you can do as a one-sided marriage.
> 
> You need to work on yourself, kids if you have them, job/finances. If he won't stop ( I assume you have spoken with him about this), then you don't have much hope other than to see a lawyer and get YOUR plan together to protect yourself (and kids if any).
> 
> ...


Yes I have tried over and over to talk to him about the core root of o


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## Paris&Beasty (Nov 15, 2020)

Yes I have tried over and over to talk about the core issue of our problems. He only gets aggravated, angry and shuts me completely out then tells me I am the one causing the problems. I know that he's just trying to make me feel bad or blame myself in the end so I will fall back into being compliant and not press the subject of talking to him about how he truly feels and if he loves me anymore. My suspension is he is here from Germany and requires a renewal of his green card conditions to continue to work and live here under the condition we stay legally married. So I feel as though he is staying in the marriage for that soul purpose as we already filled just recently for his 10 year green card. 
I know deep inside that the marriage has been dead for awhile now 😢 I was the only one fighting to save us and trying to figure out if there was a way I could get him to fall back in love with me. Exhausting my self emotionally and finally I am completely out of words again.... 
We have no kids together but I do have a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship and she loves him but even she has noticed how he treats me lately. And I have family but unfortunately they are blinded by his fake behavior while in front of them, so they think he is the best man and husband in the world. I have tried telling them of his true nature but I get looked at sideways and called crazy. So I push it down now and don't even try talking to my family about it anymore.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, why don't you record some of the coversations with him where he is dismissive and awful to you (be careful of the laws here -- your state may require both parties to be aware of the recording) and then your family can here/see the proof for themselves.

At this point, you need to worry about YOUR boundaries and how much more you are willing to put up with. Don't let any green card for him play into your plans. If he doesn't get it, tough for him, but that is no reason for YOU to put up with this awful treatment.

Please stop trying to push it down -- you need to get your head around this so that YOU can take action that will make YOUR life and your daughters better. There is a process called the 180 which will help you detach from him:

180 for Betrayed Spouses


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Paris&Beasty, just checking in to see how you are doing. Have you tried the 180 yet?


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