# Dating after divorce....



## Jellybeans

Hi all. 

I've been divorced 5.5 weeks now and was w/ ex-H for almost 8 yrs.

I am feeling pretty good and am still dealing with the aftermath but have definitely accepted it's over.

Reading lots of posts it seems to be the norm that people want to jump right back into dating and whatnot.

This has not been my experience AT ALL. Is this normal? Am I weird for this? I have zero desire at all to date or even entertain the thought. It seems very far away for me and sort of "fake" in a way. I can't imagine the thought of being in another relationship of any sort at this time.

So I wonder...for you guys...how long after divorce did you want to start dating?


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## notreadytoquit

I have been divorced since Sep 2010 and I have not been on one single date yet. I have been trying to restart my life(job, child etc) and I can't find time for that now. Plus I am not emotionally ready yet. I had to take care of few medical issues for myself and son so that leaves even less time for dating. Instead I joined a single parents group in my town(through Meetup.com) and I have gone to several meetups with them. I have met some wonderful people(both male and female). And I am looking forward to my vacation to the Turks and Caicos in June.


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## brighterlight

Eh JB, for me, I can't really make up my mind right now. I may be in a different situation than many on here because I am 50 yrs old and I am not getting any younger. People tell me that I look to young to be 50 but no I am 50. And I don't have the kids to worry about. No, I am definitely not ready for a serious relationship - yet. I know that is probably going to be a problem for the person I date, but I am hoping I can just date someone with similer interest on a casual basis and not a committed relationship for now. That doesn't mean it can grow into something else, I just feel like I need some company right now because I feel like I have not recieved that from my stbx for serveral years now and i miss it. I think that there would be other woman out there that may feel the same way. I don't know. This is all trial and error for me eight now but yes, I want a companion. Maybe it's because I dated my stbxw since I was 14 years old and never knew otherwise. Maybe I am trying to experience something I have not experienced before. Call me old fashioned but yeah, that's how it is for me.


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## sisters359

No, there is nothing odd about your feelings. I am loving my single time--I am really "here" for my kids and I focus on them and my job, and on myself. I've gone on and off dating sites a half-dozen times b/c I'm just not into it though I think I should be--but why I think that, I don't know! When someone shows interest, I usually realize, "I'm too busy for this right now!" My situation has been complicated by my ex's mental health break down and my stepping it up with the kids so they don't feel abandoned 50% of the time. I'm in grad school and changing jobs at the end of this school year---hmmm, maybe I really DON'T have time right now! If I'm not missing it, then why would I push for it? Sometimes I think that thinking about dating is just a pleasant distraction, nothing more. I am looking forward to a new set of changes--with the new job--and moving into my own place (we shared an apt. for a while, meaning one was there while the other was in the house with the kids). I know that my change in work schedule will mean new adjustments for the kids, too, and that means I need to plan on having the time and energy to help them through it. It's been 1.5 years for me and maybe by the end of this year, I'll feel differently. If not, that's ok, too. I have a pretty nice life right now.


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## staircase

I want to date about as much as I want to be fried in hot oil. I am envious of folks who can brush themselves off and move on. Granted, I'll just be filing in the next week or two since it's new but still. Blech. Dating sounds horrible right now.


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## brighterlight

Sisters and staircase, I do see your points. I guess i'm just different. Or maybe I am indifferent to my situation. I just dont know how to be right now. This is new to me too (she dropped the D word on me 2 weeks ago). I thinks it may be that I have not received any affectionate attention from her in more than 3 years. Last year was a wash because she was seriously ill I spent every week for 13 months in doctors and hospitals with her. So yeah, its been a long time since I've felt someone interested in me. I think the D was a long time coming. So for me, I think I have been through a lot in the 3 to 4 years and I learned how to somewhat cope with loneliness. That is why I am not wanting to just do things by myself much longer i guess ive been doing that too long. So I miss that kind of companionship. Oh well, i am just ranting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Affaircare

My divorce was final in May 2002 and I began dating maybe at the end of 2004....??? Then I found I didn't like most of the guys I met through "dating services" and really enjoyed it more when I met men through groups or classes. In the end I met Dear Hubby in the summer of 2005 and we married in Spring 2006. So from prior to the divorce being final to meeting Dear Hubby I was single and celibate, and honestly? It didn't bother me. I mean, in a way I missed the companionship, but mostly I was glad to have some time to get my head together, get the kids and I stabilized, and get ready to be in a healthy relationship. I did miss sex (cuz frankly, I'm a horndog), but I discovered that I can live very happily without it if required. And to me...I was required.


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## Shelly29

staircase said:


> *I want to date about as much as I want to be fried in hot oil.* I am envious of folks who can brush themselves off and move on. Granted, I'll just be filing in the next week or two since it's new but still. Blech. Dating sounds horrible right now.


LMAO!!!:rofl:


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## Shelly29

Jellybeans, I too was married 8 yrs and divorce was official end of March of this yr. I actually went on 3 different dates with guys i had met...nothing crazy, some basketball games, a soccer game, had a great time, keep in touch, see them if i go out at night. I am turning 30 this yr and i actually had plans on getting pregnant endof the yr with the ex because i wanted to be a young-ish mom, LOL well that game plan ain't working out right now... Its not as if i am afraid of being alone.... but I do want to meet that mr. right for me....and i do wanna fall in love again and get married and i do want to have kids. 

One of the guys i went on a date with wants waaaaaaaaaay more and now that i am single, i just dont want to give my time to anyone else....my time is MY time and i want ME time and ALONE time....im not ready to devote my time to someone else...it could be that I havent met that person yet and therefore chose to not want someone now. It will happen when it happens....no use controling what you want or don't want....otherwise most of us wouldnt be in this forum right about now. LOL Gotta let life lead us down its path.


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## stbxhmaybe

Hey Jellybeans,

15 months since separation, 9 months since divorce. I haven't dated anybody, and up to 2 months ago, I didn't want to date anybody. I didn't feel ready and honestly I also felt like a freak. I am 28 y/o, and like all my friends and family say "I am young, full of life and definitely I could find a girl in no-time" WRONG long time I didn't seem to be attracted to anybody. However, 2 months ago I met this girl who is dating a guy already and developed a HUGE crush on her, what a way to restart my interest in meeting girls huh? 

So to answer you question, NOPE you are not weird, it's completely normal to feel that way. Moreover, those that jump right on after a divorce into another serious relationship or even marriage could run into the same problems because they haven't given themselves time to reflect and process the divorce.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

Trying to catch up on TAM posts over the past 5 days or so. Stomach flu came to visit our house. Not fun! Bad enough when a single parent gets it at the same time, but terrible when Mother Nature visits early and adds insult to injury. UGH!!! Apparently much has happened on TAM over past few days and kind of nice to see that the new and extremely obnoxious user was taken care of. :smthumbup: Strange people out there in the world. :scratchhead:

Anyhow, getting back on topic to comment on this thread. I had no desire to pursue the whole dating scene either. I guess word kind of got out I was single and after awhile it found me. The first few dates I accepted were not really “dates”. They were mostly a series of laughable moments with two newly divorced acquaintances trying to grasp the concept of dating again. 

I would say that my first actual date was 6 months post divorce. Again, it kind of found me. I was introduced to a guy and we engaged in small talk for a bit that evening. Other than the fact I thought he was good looking, it was hard to gauge whether or not a connection was made due to the loud and hectic atmosphere. A few days later my friend calls me up asking if it would be ok to give my phone number to this guy. He seemed like a decent person, so I told her ok. That was over 2 ½ years ago.

I have accepted a few offers since then, but none worth letting continue or pursuing. Lately I do not even look forward to accepting a date because it is almost impossible to cut a guy loose after just going to lunch or dinner once. I don’t like being rude to a guy, but geez ….. when you later turn down several offers and are not returning calls that would be a good indication “I’m not interested!”

I don’t do the singles scene either. Once you’re a mom, you are never really “single” again. I often miss the companionship, but not enough to race into a train wreck of a relationship. I wouldn’t ever want to put my son through that.


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## brighterlight

OK, So this is a catch 22 situation. I guess most of the posts I read about dating are that it's a Nuetral or not really. It concerns me when I did not read any post on this thread "pro-dating" because I was pretty sure that I wanted to date. Now, I am a little scared about TWRNKA saying that cutting someone loose after a date is almost impossible. I don't think I want to go there, all I am looking for is a nice time out to enjoy myself. I am not ready for a long relationship right now - with that I agree with all of you; I want to take some time for me, to find myself and what it is that will really make me happy. But, man, I don't want to just sit around contemplating my marriage failure either. I guess it's different in my situation becuase I don't have any children to worry about so it MIGHT be easier for me to date someone. Still though, I see the trend on here is to not date.


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## ThinkTooMuch

I'm a 62 yo man and clearly a weird bird on this thread, I'm dating and enjoying it. After 20+ happy years in my second marriage s**t happened, my affectionate wife's libido went to zero, she ignored me, developed a serious computer addiction, stayed up till all hours, etc. No fun, we became housemates, after three or so years of this and my starting numerous discussions, receiving an equal number of unfulfilled promises I gave up and moved out. My stbx who said she wanted to keep working and living close to her parents despite my desire to relocate to from a boring suburb to an interesting city realized she had shot herself in the foot after I left, I told her she had her chances, I refuse to go through more sets of broken promises.

I want emotional and physical intimacy, living by myself has advantages, but is emptier than I'd like. 

Men in their 60s who want an LTR seem to be in short supply, I have been contacted and get responses on a regular basis. I'm not looking for a much younger woman, know that by the time we hit our 50s our bodies don't look as good as we'd like. 

Whether it is because my profile indicate I'm literate and in touch with myself, or because I'm a guy or because of other reasons I have no idea and not certain it would be worthwhile finding out. 

I'm using PlentyOfFish and ******* to meet women, communicate a fair amount before actual meeting, know that most dates will go nowhere, but am still trying, believing the rewards exceed the costs. I suspect many people on TAM know that men seem to benefit more than women from LTRs, perhaps this is one reason many writers on this thread are not dating. From what I've read and heard women have friends, sisters, daughters & mothers who fill the spaces we formerly married men are very aware of.

I will add I did almost all the shopping and cooking in my marriage, did my laundry, shared and performed many other duties, and am not looking for a housekeeper or cook. My children from my first marriage are grown and prospering, my stbx acted more like an older cousin than a mean step mom when the kids were young.


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## Shelly29

brighterlight said:


> OK, So this is a catch 22 situation. I guess most of the posts I read about dating are that it's a Nuetral or not really. It concerns me when I did not read any post on this thread "pro-dating" because I was pretty sure that I wanted to date. Now, I am a little scared about TWRNKA saying that cutting someone loose after a date is almost impossible. I don't think I want to go there, all I am looking for is a nice time out to enjoy myself. I am not ready for a long relationship right now - with that I agree with all of you; I want to take some time for me, to find myself and what it is that will really make me happy. But, man, I don't want to just sit around contemplating my marriage failure either. I guess it's different in my situation becuase I don't have any children to worry about so it MIGHT be easier for me to date someone. Still though, I see the trend on here is to not date.




I have no children either and when I go out with friends and meet men, I know for sure i am not ready for anything super serious. a date here or there, sure why not, got to make sure i still got game! LOL Its good for the self esteem, gets me out and meeting people and i dont have to hang out at home every night, although I'm such a home body to begin with that most nights I really look forward to a glass of wine and cooking at home for just me. Go out and have some fun, party it up and be who you are!


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## brighterlight

Shelly and TTM, That's what I like to hear! To me that beats the hell out of sitting around all the time at home moping, waiting, whatever. Well, I cant do that yet. I am still in limbo time (not legalltly D yet) but u bet ur a$$ when the time comes, i wont be having a pity party with myself. Uh uh, i will be going out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dove83

My wife and I were only together for 6 months before the stress of and loss of our baby had her running for the door so I'm still in shock of the coming D. I still love my wife so I have no drive to move on now but I know one day I'll miss having someone and want to have the family she did not.


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## reindeer

I am 55 my husband is 40. We have been together 20 years, married 17. Threw him out following bad 7 months this week.

During those bad months I was thinking I do not really want to be on my own. H and I split 12 yrs ago for 2 years and I was quite happy in my own space the, but now feel different.

My friend uses POF and I look on there. *I am not ready to date yet,* but just think a year down the line .

I am told I look about 43, I know looks are not everything, but when I see many people my own age they seem very dowdy, and just like they have let themselves go. I don't have the job where I can socialise that much, work nights out etc. Also meeting people in bars etc I find too noisy. I am not sure what I will do. Maybe walk my dog a lot and o lots of direct eye contact to male dog walkers, along with checking out wedding ring fingers? 

I too am nervous of giving brush off if arranged date not good.


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## ThinkTooMuch

Hi reindeer,

Take your time, plan on most dates end up without making connections, w/o chemistry, and relish the few that lead to a second date.

A good friend lives in CT, she's 58, attractive, bright, tells me a fair number of men who contact her via PoF are complete, total idiots, she tells of receiving obscene photos she deletes immediately, but also tells of meeting guys she likes but the relationship ends all too quickly.

I have a reasonable libido and PoF seems to match me with women who feel sex is an important part of a relationship. I'm one of TAM's nice guys, and figure if my date and I enjoy our first date we'll have another, and another. Around the third or fourth date I'll invite her to my apartment, the mutual expectation includes getting to know each other a lot better.

Good luck.





reindeer said:


> I am 55 my husband is 40. We have been together 20 years, married 17. Threw him out following bad 7 months this week.
> 
> During those bad months I was thinking I do not really want to be on my own. H and I split 12 yrs ago for 2 years and I was quite happy in my own space the, but now feel different.
> 
> My friend uses POF and I look on there. *I am not ready to date yet,* but just think a year down the line .
> 
> I am told I look about 43, I know looks are not everything, but when I see many people my own age they seem very dowdy, and just like they have let themselves go. I don't have the job where I can socialise that much, work nights out etc. Also meeting people in bars etc I find too noisy. I am not sure what I will do. Maybe walk my dog a lot and o lots of direct eye contact to male dog walkers, along with checking out wedding ring fingers?
> 
> I too am nervous of giving brush off if arranged date not good.


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## reindeer

Thankyou Thinktoomuch, that is quite reassuring, and I suppose the one off dates pass the time away, even if lead to nothing else. As I said not ready at all yet, but like to be thinking and planning for when the time does come. Just think I will be very particular with committing to anyone. I worked very hard with my marriage and was ready to put more work into it. Don't want to take on any other other baggage, well not much anyway!


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## ThinkTooMuch

reindeer said:


> Thankyou Thinktoomuch, that is quite reassuring, and I suppose the one off dates pass the time away, even if lead to nothing else. As I said not ready at all yet, but like to be thinking and planning for when the time does come. Just think I will be very particular with committing to anyone. I worked very hard with my marriage and was ready to put more work into it. Don't want to take on any other other baggage, well not much anyway!


Reindeer,

You're very welcome.

I just wrote an email to my CT friend where I said "I am enjoying the journey even though there are bumps in the road".

I am trying to figure out what a good LTR is, know the initial feelings of love and lust decrease, but the pleasures of a gentle voice, a touch in the night, making my loved ones happy, need to endure even after the joys of initial passion are a happy memory and making love is no longer a part of every day. Sex can be wonderful and is, within an LTR mutual appreciation, shared time, shared goals, are among the reasons I'm on this journey.


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## ThinkTooMuch

brighterlight said:


> Shelly and TTM, That's what I like to hear! To me that beats the hell out of sitting around all the time at home moping, waiting, whatever. Well, I cant do that yet. I am still in limbo time (not legalltly D yet) but u bet ur a$$ when the time comes, i wont be having a pity party with myself. Uh uh, i will be going out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Brighterlight,

I'm not sure why you think you can't start meeting people before your divorce becomes final. I know for a fact PoF and ******* allow you to indicate you are separated, on my profile I make a point of saying I have moved across the country and should be through the divorce process in July. This may have kept some women from responding but there are a lot who do. 

Since every state in the US has no fault divorce, and if you don't have kids or keep them from meeting your new friends I don't see why dating will be a problem.

There are a lot of us in this situation, enjoy life today.


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## brighterlight

TTM, Thanks. I am thinking about it. My friends keep telling me the same. Whenever i tell them that it doesnt feel right, me doing dating while not officially divorced, they ask me, why should you care she made it clear she wants a divorce and is rushing to sell the house so she can go on her own. While i see where they are coming from, why do I feel guilty. Today was particularly difficult forme as we were cleaning out our rooms closet, we stumbled across the letters we had written each other when we were 15, 16, 17, and 18 years old. We had always saved those letters for momentos. Well, when i asked her what she wanted to do with them she said, just trash them. It broke my heart since those letters reminded me of everything about us that was pure and good. I know, why keep that if your dreams are shattered and u dont love someone anymore? You want to move on but it still hurt. Why do i feel that would really piss my stbxw off if she knew i was seeing other woman.? I guess that because we are on freindly terms right now, i am afraid to lose that. Why am I so confused, i dont know. At times i do fell like just saying sc$#%ew it, i'm dating. Man, i feel for all on here. I guess it would not be fair (to date) for the other person if I am maybe still carrying this emotional baggage!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shelly29

brighterlight said:


> Shelly and TTM, That's what I like to hear! To me that beats the hell out of sitting around all the time at home moping, waiting, whatever. Well, I cant do that yet. I am still in limbo time (not legalltly D yet) but u bet ur a$$ when the time comes, i wont be having a pity party with myself. Uh uh, i will be going out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I signed papers in December....wasn't legal till end of March (90 day thing here in CO) I still went out and partied it up with my girlfriends within those months, i still get dolled u, wear cute clothes and dance the night away. Obviously it takes a bit more time in the recover phase after a night of partying...LOL but its stillf un to do it every once in a while.


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## sisters359

Going out and dating don't have to be the same thing. I trust no one thinks that those of us who really are not into dating are just sitting around moping! 

I agree with TTM--too many "meet and greets" turn out to be totally empty. Yes, I have met a new person--but honestly, right now, the return on my personal investment has been too low to make it worth my time--time, which is something I do not have a lot of these days! I'd rather take a long walk with a friend than spend that same hour with someone I have no connection to. Maybe that means I should look into speed dating! I thought when I first tried dating again that I'd enjoy meeting people more than I actually do. I don't have all the answers, I just know that right now, I'm in a good place for the most part and if/when that changes, I'll do something else. 

There is no right answer, of course. Try different approaches and see what feels good for you!


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## Jellybeans

Thank you ALL for responding to this thread. I guess we're the "Divorced Crew" (although some have remarried/partnered). LOL.

Hi Crew! ::waves::

As for me, I'm 2 months out since my D and still no dating and no desire to. One guy did give me his # but I never called him (he was handsome, I'm just not ther mentally). I have a friend coming into town that suggested meeting up so I will do that but w/ zero romantic pretext. I think he likes me but I'll make it clear (if he even goes there) that I'm not down with that. My ex has been calling me (yes, ex-husband) saying maybe we could work things out. I think, HUH? In a way I think, all things are possible and in other ways, I think...what would change? I still love him and at the same time I have accepted the divorce... Mmm...

So for right now, no dating for Jelly yet! LOL. I am sure when I'm ready I'll know but I do know, I'm not interested at the moment and probably won't be for awhile. 



staircase said:


> *I want to date about as much as I want to be fried in hot oil*.


:rofl:



Shelly29 said:


> Jellybeans, I too was married 8 yrs and divorce was official end of March of this yr. I am turning 30 this yr and i actually had plans on getting pregnant endof the yr with the ex because i wanted to be a young-ish mom, LOL


It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. We had the same length relationships, divorced recently, hubs' filed, same ages (I just turned 30) and no kids. I read your other thread & it seems you are getting along just fine lately. Hooray!



stbxhmaybe said:


> Hey Jellybeans,
> 
> 15 months since separation, 9 months since divorce. I haven't dated anybody, and up to 2 months ago, I didn't want to date anybody. I didn't feel ready and honestly I also felt like a freak. I am 28 y/o, and like all my friends and family say "I am young, full of life and definitely I could find a girl in no-time" WRONG


This post made me :lol: I also felt like a freak for a long time. Now that the D is over, not so much. I was with my friends one day (they are a couple) and they were bickering over some nonsense and I walked away thinking, "I am SO glad I'm not in a relationship sometimes." 



ThinkTooMuch said:


> I'm a 62 yo man and clearly a weird bird on this thread, I'm dating and enjoying it.
> 
> I want emotional and physical intimacy, living by myself has advantages, but is emptier than I'd like.
> 
> Men in their 60s who want an LTR seem to be in short supply, I have been contacted and get responses on a regular basis.


It's good you're putting yourself out there. I have no doubt you'll meet someone. My niece's grandma is in her late 60s and starting dating a nice man a few months ago.



Affaircare said:


> So from prior to the divorce being final to meeting Dear Hubby I was single and celibate, and honestly? It didn't bother me. I mean, in a way I missed the companionship, but mostly I was glad to have some time to get my head together, get the kids and I stabilized, and get ready to be in a healthy relationship. I did miss sex (cuz frankly, I'm a horndog), but I discovered that I can live very happily without it if required. And to me...I was required.


This seems like a very healthy way to go.


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## Shianne

I figure I will try looking for a date in 8-10 years and that makes me sad but I have no choice. I have nothing to offer a potential partner and no time to go out at all ever. Not even with the girls... if I had some girls...


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## Kauaiguy

Quote: "My ex has been calling me (yes, ex-husband) saying maybe we could work things out. I think, HUH? In a way I think, all things are possible and in other ways, I think...what would change? Unquote.

This is a good thing if that's what you want. However I would take it slow and have little get together (i.e. breakfast or lunch) and have some serious conversation discussing what went wrong with the marriage and how the problems can be resolved.

I would treat it as if you were dating again (only your ex) and do this for a couple of months or so ... while you observe and see how things have changed.

Take it S-L-O-W and try not to let your emotions take control of you. Let your mind, NOT YOUR HEART decide when the time is right to try and live together again. Note that I didn't say get re-married. Time will dictate if that happens or not.

Good Luck in whatever you decide to do.


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## Shelly29

Good advice Kauaiguy!!! Its hard to look at both sides of the coin, most of us would be like, well screw him!!! but there was a reason why you fellin love with that person in the first place and only thatperson can really tell if things can change for the better or not.


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## Jellybeans

Kauaiguy said:


> I would treat it as if you were dating again (only your ex) and do this for a couple of months or so ... while you observe and see how things have changed.
> 
> Take it S-L-O-W and try not to let your emotions take control of you. Let your mind, NOT YOUR HEART decide when the time is right to try and live together again. Note that I didn't say get re-married. Time will dictate if that happens or not.
> 
> Good Luck in whatever you decide to do.


Dating again after having been married to someone seems comical to me. We went through a very crappy break-up divorce and I would not want to repeat the bad. When things were bad, they were awful. When things were good, they were great. We both cheated. That is epic. How does one truly get past that? I will definitely be thinking with my head. The heart can be misleading. 

Anyway I am not rushing anything at all in any direction. I am at peace now in a way I have never been re: the divorce. I felt like I fought the idea of a divorce so long and now I am ok with it. 

Still no desire to date anyone. And I'm fine with that too. I think it's gonna be a long while for me before I get to that point.


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## NoFun

Lol. I am a 30 y/o female. During the beginning of the divorce/separation process I was totally turned off to dating - towards the end the prospect of affection from someone became overwhelming. Unfortunately I chose to become enamored with two guys who were going through super complicated divorces. Needless to say, um, those didn't really pan out and now I don't know what to think about dating. Life. Gotta love it.


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## Shelly29

NoFun said:


> Lol. I am a 30 y/o female. During the beginning of the divorce/separation process I was totally turned off to dating - towards the end the prospect of affection from someone became overwhelming. Unfortunately I chose to become enamored with two guys who were going through super complicated divorces. Needless to say, um, those didn't really pan out and now I don't know what to think about dating. Life. Gotta love it.


I'm sure LIFE is being entertained right now by throwing us in the single dating scene and just chuckles at our choices. hahahaha, its a live and learn process.


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## Jellybeans

LIFE probably is laughing at all of us. And one day we'll prob laugh at ourselves too! LOL.

I wonder when my first date will be post-divorce. I know it's not for a long time but ... it will be interesting. I guess when I get to tha tpoint I want to think practically...no letting my emotions or heart rule. I want to go out with several people to try out dating since I never really did do that and date someone I totally never would. It could be fun!

Guys...my ex husband just hit me up for a booty call. WTH. He asked if I wanted to do it. I didn't write anything.

LOL.


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## baseballmom

LOL Wow that's funny! I think to myself if my stbxh was to ever ask for sex that I would surely deny his ass because this is an STD FREE Zone!! LMAO!


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## Jellybeans

Lol @ STD FREE ZONE! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shelly29

LMAO.... ladies are crazy.... Booty call huh? I had a booty call just recently... but damn couldnt compare to my ex husband....Im gonna hate comparing all future men to him....damn him! LOL


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## baseballmom

Booty Calls... Guess these are things I get to look forward to... lol


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## Jellybeans

Truthfully it was a booty text. LOL. He got mad cause I didn't stop by. Nothing has changed. 

Sigh. 

I went dancing this weekend and 2 guys asked for my #. One guy asked me if I was into dating and I said "Not at all. I don't DO dating." LOL. He musta thought, "WTH is her problem?" Hahahaha.


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## baseballmom

I like that "I don't DO dating!" That's probably going to be my response for a very long time!! hahaha


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## Oak

I jumped right into dating 3 months into the separation, I just made a point not to let the relationships get sexual until I was divorced. Getting out and enjoying people's company helped tremendously, even if I am scared out of my mind once I do not have the "can't still married" excuse.

Seriously. I am final tomorrow and one of the things I worry about is the sexual relationship. Flirting and such has been fine, but when it comes time to do the deed if my mind starts thinking about the ex...*ahem* there might be functional issues. I am considering asking my Dr. for a few viagra or something, just to be safe. Overcompensation never hurt anyone right? Right?

And also...a booty text? Can we do that? I did not realize that was allowed. Im checking the rules.


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## Jellybeans

LOL, Oaks.

You will prob be nervous the first time, since it will be like any first time but be sure to use protection and only do it when you're ready (and divorced).

Yeah apparently people booty text now. LOL. 

I fee like something's wrong with me. I see so many people wanting to date or hooking up with new people after divorcing and wonder why I don't feel that way at all. Like, the idea is totally foreign to me. I have no desire to at all. What gives?


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## Catherine602

ThinkTooMuch said:


> I'm a 62 yo man and clearly a weird bird on this thread, I'm dating and enjoying it. After 20+ happy years in my second marriage s**t happened, my affectionate wife's libido went to zero, she ignored me, developed a serious computer addiction, stayed up till all hours, etc. No fun, we became housemates, after three or so years of this and my starting numerous discussions, receiving an equal number of unfulfilled promises I gave up and moved out. My stbx who said she wanted to keep working and living close to her parents despite my desire to relocate to from a boring suburb to an interesting city realized she had shot herself in the foot after I left, I told her she had her chances, I refuse to go through more sets of broken promises.
> 
> I want emotional and physical intimacy, living by myself has advantages, but is emptier than I'd like.
> 
> Men in their 60s who want an LTR seem to be in short supply, I have been contacted and get responses on a regular basis. I'm not looking for a much younger woman, know that by the time we hit our 50s our bodies don't look as good as we'd like.
> 
> Whether it is because my profile indicate I'm literate and in touch with myself, or because I'm a guy or because of other reasons I have no idea and not certain it would be worthwhile finding out.
> 
> I'm using PlentyOfFish and ******* to meet women, communicate a fair amount before actual meeting, know that most dates will go nowhere, but am still trying, believing the rewards exceed the costs. I suspect many people on TAM know that men seem to benefit more than women from LTRs, perhaps this is one reason many writers on this thread are not dating. From what I've read and heard women have friends, sisters, daughters & mothers who fill the spaces we formerly married men are very aware of.
> 
> I will add I did almost all the shopping and cooking in my marriage, did my laundry, shared and performed many other duties, and am not looking for a housekeeper or cook. My children from my first marriage are grown and prospering, my stbx acted more like an older cousin than a mean step mom when the kids were young.


Hi thinks I remember you post when you first moved to SF I believe. I recently referend to your move on a thread started by a man close to your age who was afraid to leave his marriage because he thought that he would not meet anyone at his age.

I remembered you were dating a lady that you seemed happy with, do you care to say what happened? 

Great thread BTW
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reindeer

Oak I know exactly what you are saying. I guess men have it tough for obvious reasons, but I feel will be very insecure about my own body. Having been with a partner for so long, who I was absoloutely in love with and content with the sex + +, I just can’t see myself with someone else.
I feel I don’t want to be alone forever, but when I think about the bedroom I can’t imagine it. But if I think about no sex ever again I hate the thought of that. I am sure that makes no sense what so ever!


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## Jellybeans

Reindeer, I am sure you will get laid again


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## reindeer

Jellybeans I do hope so- but what makes you so sure? I suppose you forget the time spent with a person that leads up to that point. Unless you go for one night stands which I don't. 

Why don't you think you are in the right place for this then? Maybe you are just content in your own space at the moment . I spent 2 years alone, 12 years ago and there is a lot to be said for it.


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## baseballmom

I feel the same way about the whole sex issue... I have only ever been with my stbxh and it's been 10 year's now and 2 kids later.. Just nervous how it will be when the time is right to be with another person.. Besides that it's more of a body image thing for me because obviously after having kids i'm not super skinny and yes I do have stretch marks! haha And being with my stbxh I never had to worry about that because he saw me in high school before having kids so he knew what I looked like before. So I guess I'm just self concious about that. 

Oh man... But on a positive note I have lost 40lbs since March! Probably 25 of it is since he dropped the bomb on me the end of April but hey I don't mind! And I really wish I could get away with writting in the divorce decree that he should pay for a tummy tuck! haha


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## reindeer

Code:


Oh man... But on a positive note I have lost 40lbs since March! Probably 25 of it is since he dropped the bomb on me the end of April but hey I don't mind! And I really wish I could get away with writting in the divorce decree that he should pay for a tummy tuck! haha

If only, waht a great thought:rofl:


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## reindeer

Whoops-how do you enter blocks of txts from other people's replies anyway? LOL !


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## baseballmom

I mean it's technically his fault right?!?! hahah


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## reindeer

:rofl:Very quick witted BM!!


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