# I love my wife's body but...



## mogforu007 (Jun 27, 2011)

....She hates it. Yes she is a little bigger than she used to be, but she has never been a small girl. I really love her body its thick in the right way and she wears her weight very well on her, but her feeling of her own body have started to hurt are sex life. I have tried to help her exercise and eat better, but that doesn't work. My weight fluctuates all the time and I have all ways been smaller than her, but I have started exercising again hoping it would motivate her, but to no avail. I really rather her stay the same, but trying to convince her that she is beautiful is not working. What should I do I like her just the way she is, but the complaining about how she feel huge and ugly, and the fact that this is causing an issue in are sex life is driving me crazy?


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Try getting yourself on a serious excersise program....then invite her to join in to help motivate you. She may be more inclined to do it with you. Worst case scenerio....you will get super buff. Thats not a bad thing. And that may also motivate her further.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

My wife is very critical of herself, too. Although she has a great figure and is in good shape, all we see are 20 year old girls that are skin and bones and we are told that they are beautiful.
My wife is 5'3" tall and 120lbs. She can still wear a bikini and look good in it and isn't so skinny that the anorexia squad is after her.

Just continue to tell your wife that she looks great.


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## mogforu007 (Jun 27, 2011)

it-guy said:


> Try getting yourself on a serious excersise program....then invite her to join in to help motivate you. She may be more inclined to do it with you. Worst case scenerio....you will get super buff. Thats not a bad thing. And that may also motivate her further.


Tried it I used to be in the military. She is so self conscious that she is embarrassed to be in front of people, or even me when exercising. Which I get but I try to tell her you are exercising for you not those other people, but still doesn't work.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

This is a difficult problem that many people (not just women) have. For it to get better, at some point, she will need to learn to accept herself.

I would continue to encourage her the best you can. Make sure that she knows everyday - in words AND actions - that she is the woman that you desire above all others. Sometimes the more often you hear something positive like that, it may eventually sink in.

Get rid of all of the negative influences. If she's in to fashion magazines with all the anorexic models, then quit getting them. Get started with adding positive influences, like getting her involved in some other kind of hobby or project that she would really enjoy - so that she has less time to think about and ponder on her own body. Usually people who are distressed about their bodies and are very self-conscious have this negative feedback loop always running in their head. Get her busy, busy, busy so that feedback loop can be disrupted.

Encourage her to go out and talk a walk everyday - go with her if possible, as couple time together. Any progress, no matter how small, should be mightily and sincerely complimented by you.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Just another perspective: maybe count your blessings, too. Cherish her. My wife lost 35 lbs and, feeling so much more attractive, went and had an affair...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

5' 3" and 120lbs is Vanessa Hudgens. Have you ever seen Vanessa Hudgens in a bikini?


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## Account V2.0 (Jul 8, 2011)

My wife is the same way. She hates her body and I love it. I just keep telling her how beautiful she is and she keeps telling me I am nuts. My plan is to just keep telling and showing her how desirable and beautiful I find her.


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

mogforu007 said:


> ....She hates it. Yes she is a little bigger than she used to be, but she has never been a small girl. I really love her body its thick in the right way and she wears her weight very well on her, but her feeling of her own body have started to hurt are sex life. I have tried to help her exercise and eat better, but that doesn't work. My weight fluctuates all the time and I have all ways been smaller than her, but I have started exercising again hoping it would motivate her, but to no avail. I really rather her stay the same, but trying to convince her that she is beautiful is not working. What should I do I like her just the way she is, but the complaining about how she feel huge and ugly, and the fact that this is causing an issue in are sex life is driving me crazy?


Have you told her just that? And what was her response?

Couple of ideas, if she is gaining weight, some of her feeling bad about herself may be from the foods she is eating. Usually the foods that put on weight completely screw you up internally, and you put off a lot of chemicals that will eventually start affecting your emotions, outlook, positivity and mostly your sexuality and desire.

if she is open to it, and you can afford it, find a personal chef locally that does healthy foods, to come in and cook 2-3 meals for you 1x a week or 2x a week. A good one will also educate her/you on changes in what you eat. Your wife may not be ready yet to do exercise, and, frankly, if you do exercise without a healthy (not starvation) dietary change, it's tough to sustaind because you still feel crappy.

if you can't afford the personal chef, do some research into healthy foods yourself, recipes for mostly alkaline foods, start cooking them for or with her, say you're doing it for yourself.

i can't begin to tell you how just changing what went into my body changed my outlook on my body and on whether I wanted anyone touching my body. 

Good luck!


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## mogforu007 (Jun 27, 2011)

So me and her talked, and now I have a better understanding of the problem. Her mother who lost a good bit of weight about 2 years ago has started making my wife feel bad about her weight. Her mother has all ways been emotionally abusive to her. So now she wants to get lap band. Which is okay I guess, but I feel just changing eating habits and exercise would be better, but it's her body and I will support her in what she wants to do. I just don't feel comfortable about quick fixes like pills and surgery. I wish I could just motivate her to change or accept her self just the way she is.


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## mogforu007 (Jun 27, 2011)

Account V2.0 said:


> My wife is the same way. She hates her body and I love it. I just keep telling her how beautiful she is and she keeps telling me I am nuts. My plan is to just keep telling and showing her how desirable and beautiful I find her.


I keep doing that, but the problem is she feels I say it just because I dont wanna hurt her feelings. Which is not true I would rather her stay the same cause I like a woman with curves.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

mogforu007 said:


> So me and her talked, and now I have a better understanding of the problem. Her mother who lost a good bit of weight about 2 years ago has started making my wife feel bad about her weight. Her mother has all ways been emotionally abusive to her. So now she wants to get lap band. Which is okay I guess, but I feel just changing eating habits and exercise would be better, but it's her body and I will support her in what she wants to do. I just don't feel comfortable about quick fixes like pills and surgery. I wish I could just motivate her to change or accept her self just the way she is.


I would go out and do some research on lap band. I thought that a person had to be so many pounds over ideal weight before they could qualify for that procedure?

Nice MIL.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I'm still trying to wrap my head around 5'3 and 120 being a problem. That's a goddess.


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## mogforu007 (Jun 27, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> I would go out and do some research on lap band. I thought that a person had to be so many pounds over ideal weight before they could qualify for that procedure?
> 
> Nice MIL.


Apparently its weight and your family history of health problems from weight that qualify you. She has already spoke to the doctor and she is qualified. And yeah my MIL screwed up person. That's not even close to the worst of what she has done to her and me in the past.


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## jmc286 (Jul 8, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I'm still trying to wrap my head around 5'3 and 120 being a problem. That's a goddess.


Lol. I'm the exact same size and haven't worn a bikini in years because I'm so critical of myself. Finally wore shorts last summer for the first time in my life.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> I'm still trying to wrap my head around 5'3 and 120 being a problem. That's a goddess.


She is to me, too, Dog. She looks fantastic and at age 50, looks great in a bikini. However, (according to her) she's not as toned and well defined and she wants to be.
Hello? You're 50 and 20 year olds are envious of your figure!!!

I am a lucky man...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> My wife is very critical of herself, too. Although she has a great figure and is in good shape, all we see are 20 year old girls that are skin and bones and we are told that they are beautiful.


Aye, that's why I hate women who read up and follow whatever they are told from the media/magazines/tv and such. Rather they be confident with just themselves. Toned/Thick is healthy and hence sexy, Skin/Bones ... :scratchhead:


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## mogforu007 (Jun 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Aye, that's why I hate women who read up and follow whatever they are told from the media/magazines/tv and such. Rather they be confident with just themselves. Toned/Thick is healthy and hence sexy, Skin/Bones ... :scratchhead:


:iagree:I wish she could be comfortable being her and not try to be Kim Kardashian.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

There have been studies where women had to choose from body type what that thought men liked. They also studied what body type men actually liked. In general it was found that women chose body types several dress sizes smaller than what the men liked.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

mogforu007 said:


> So me and her talked, and now I have a better understanding of the problem. Her mother who lost a good bit of weight about 2 years ago has started making my wife feel bad about her weight. Her mother has all ways been emotionally abusive to her. So now she wants to get lap band. Which is okay I guess, but I feel just changing eating habits and exercise would be better, but it's her body and I will support her in what she wants to do. I just don't feel comfortable about quick fixes like pills and surgery. I wish I could just motivate her to change or accept her self just the way she is.


Nooooooooo! I know 2 people who had staples and they're fat again. Not only that, but the woman had ulcers, they are now "bulimic" (they still have the habit of overeating only now it makes them vomit) and there are so many health problems involved, plus loss happens quickly. I guarantee she won't feel sexy with sagging skin!

About exercise: if it's really about her feeling embarrassed in front of people, maybe she should work out at home, in private. She may love dance DVD's: zumba, hip hop abs, or maybe pilates. You could sugggest that. If she loses a little weight, she'll feel better even if she's still big. 

The other thing is that I've done a lot of work/research on this and tried many many things. I'm becoming a believer of something researchers call "intuitive eating." The dieting that people do looks like bad bad news. For the first time I'm traveling and feel in control and that I may lose weight on the trip rather than gain 5 pounds. It's fabulous, but it requires a different mindset. I've been listening to a hypnosis track most days for the last 3 weeks and reading up on intuitive eating and consciously applying the ideas. At first I didn't lose, but I see my habits changing and feel comfortable around food now (not obsessed). The more she looks at external forces to try to help her lose weight (surgery, comparing to others and feeling worse), the more of a life long struggle this will be. 

I found a book online a few days ago that sounds like what I'm talking about. Sorry I haven't read it yet but I read a bit and it looks right in line with what I'm talking about including using meditation/hypnosis and other techniques, conscious eating, etc. to learn good habits. Here's the book:

The Self-Compassion Diet: A Step-by ... - Google Books

If she learns good habits, she will lose weight more slowly and not get too skinny. If she's thick and curvy, I think you'll still like her because a good curvy girl has a great shape even when thin.  

The hypnosis track I got by going to free-hypnosisdownloads.com you can register to get it (but don't pay for the additional membership because it doesn't happen).

That's my advice for helping her. It is possible to change and lose weight and feeling comfortable instead of out of control around food is incredibly gratifying. If she is motivated, this can really help her. Good luck!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If I wanted a teenaged boy junkie I'd date one. A woman is supposed to be softer and curvier than I am. Sorry, I'm old school that way.


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## Account V2.0 (Jul 8, 2011)

mogforu007 said:


> I keep doing that, but the problem is she feels I say it just because I dont wanna hurt her feelings. Which is not true I would rather her stay the same cause I like a woman with curves.


I agree. I am fine with my wife losing some weight if she wants but I don't want a stick and I have told her so. I like a woman with some curves.


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