# Am I wrong to feel this way?



## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

To recap my "story". I am in a sexless marriage. Honestly cant remember the last time we had sex. When we do "fool around" (which also is very rare), he uses a toy to get me off, instead of himself. 

Now, last night I was outside watering the lawn. I had a dress on, and he walks up to me, reaches up my dress and starts to......well use your imagination. 
Usually I would welcome this. But, it pissed me off. He does this all the time. He grabs my boobs, reaches up my skirts/dresses, he will pull my hair to kiss me (I like that).....but wont have sex with me! 
Why in the hell should I let him touch me like this, and let himself get all horned up....but then be completely frustrated when he never follows through??
I know its contradicting a bit. I am pissed that we dont have sex, but then get pissed when he touches me. 
I didn't used to be like this. Like I said earlier, I welcomed and wanted it. But I was so sick to death of him getting me all worked up, and excited, just to fall hard when nothing happened beyond that. 

Am I wrong to be mad when he does this?


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

No you are not. If he was a women, you would call him a tease. Why do you think he does this? Does he have ED or some kind of disorder?

I am the same with my wife. It pisses me off at this point when she wants to cuddle, knowing that it will never result in anything more. My feeling is that why should she expect to get the kind of affection she wants when she never is willing to reciprocate.


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

No ED issues. He is just overweight, and lazy. He is completely content on our sex life.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Can you discuss it with him? Tell him you love it when he does these things but then feel frustrated if he doesn't follow through. Don't accuse him of making you feel as you do..frame it as you feel as you do in response to his actions. Own how you feel.

Hopefully this way he won't get defensive and you can have some kind of open dialogue.


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Can you discuss it with him? Tell him you love it when he does these things but then feel frustrated if he doesn't follow through. Don't accuse him of making you feel as you do..frame it as you feel as you do in response to his actions. Own how you feel.
> 
> Hopefully this way he won't get defensive and you can have some kind of open dialogue.


I have...and its always the same thing. I am his wife, so he should be able to touch me anytime, and in any way. 
Honestly, I feel more like his mom, maid, cook, paycheck, and nanny.


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## just_about_done (Feb 6, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> I have...and its always the same thing. *I am his wife, so he should be able to touch me anytime, and in any way. *
> Honestly, I feel more like his mom, maid, cook, paycheck, and nanny.


God, I wish you were my wife.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Needy_Wife said:


> I have...and its always the same thing. I am his wife, so he should be able to touch me anytime, and in any way.
> Honestly, I feel more like his mom, maid, cook, paycheck, and nanny.


So what's his explanation for not following through?


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

Its laziness. He has used every single excuse known to man. I have since stopped asking for a reason. 
He likes it when I am bare down below, I shave/wax so I am bare. Then he doesn't like it because he feels like he is playing with a little girl, so I grown a stripe. Then he goes back to he likes me bare. 
He will purposely not shower for days because he knows I will not try anything (GROSS). 
He will say his back hurts. He has a headache. He is tired. He isn't ready for bed. 
Yet...I find porn sites on his phone, and adult friend finder crap. So I know he is getting himself off. 

So, I feel like he uses me and my body to get himself worked up, then takes care of himself, and leaves me to fend on my own. Its crap.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Needy_Wife said:


> Its laziness. He has used every single excuse known to man. I have since stopped asking for a reason.
> He likes it when I am bare down below, I shave/wax so I am bare. Then he doesn't like it because he feels like he is playing with a little girl, so I grown a stripe. Then he goes back to he likes me bare.
> He will purposely not shower for days because he knows I will not try anything (GROSS).
> He will say his back hurts. He has a headache. He is tired. He isn't ready for bed.
> ...


Needy ,

I'm really sorry to hear about your frustrations ?!?! I think that your husband is being not only lazy but extremely selfish ..... sad to say  ?!?!

To think he has a wife who cares enough to shave and wax there and is more than willing to get naughty with him but would rather watch the porn and get himself off ??? 

If its a weight issue then you really need to get him to a doctor fast so he can find the right treatment and start exercising ...... not only for himself but also for you and the boys. 

Good luck !


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Do you think he has a porn addiction? I personally can't imagine it, but I understand that some men actually prefer to masturbate rather than have actual sex. Something about that they get to completely control the fantasy vs real life which is less certain. Maybe that way of thinking would explain his view that he should just be able to grope you any way / time.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Your husband knows damn right well what he's doing when he works you up and leaves you hanging!

End his advances entirely! lay it out in plain English.
1. You may be affectionate, but not affection designed to arouse me unless you plan to follow through within 3 hours time.
2. You will stop masturbating unless I get to watch you do it.
3. We will have sex with each other x times per week.

Your husband sounds like a cruel bastard and a control freak, and not the good kind of control.

Wake up girl!


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

men are spoiled by loving mothers,and told they are sooo special_right. start his remedial training now,without letting him know how you feel about anything. If you do not let him know how you think,feel, and show the chemical changes that happen in you you can not change him with arrogance,but do it with word,and dead,that he will understand. (discuard this> sorry)


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Anon1111 said:


> Do you think he has a porn addiction? I personally can't imagine it, but I understand that some men actually prefer to masturbate rather than have actual sex. Something about that they get to completely control the fantasy vs real life which is less certain. Maybe that way of thinking would explain his view that he should just be able to grope you any way / time.


:iagree:


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

No, I don't feel you are wrong. He's a lazy man and apparently very selfish. he would probably like a bj while watching porn, since that would be all about HIM. Am I wrong?


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

I dont know if its an addiction. I only find it in his history once or twice a week. But, it is replacing me. 

I know deep down inside that this will never change. I am still working on coming to terms with it. Its just a matter of when I will leave him, or how I will learn to cope. 

Anon Pink, You are spot on with the whole control thing. He keeps me on a short leash, and is constantly going through my things. I have never given him a reason to suspect, its been like this since we got married. 

I am just sick of being touched and handled like a prostitute (haha, normally this would be ok), but not having any follow through.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

Needy_Wife said:


> I dont know if its an addiction. I only find it in his history once or twice a week. But, it is replacing me.
> 
> I know deep down inside that this will never change. I am still working on coming to terms with it. Its just a matter of when I will leave him, or how I will learn to cope.
> 
> ...


You need a man. Tell him you are both going to marriage counseling or you are going to leave him. Then be completely honest about your need for sex. Has he always been this way? If so, why did you marry him? Oh, and get his rocks checked -- maybe low T?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

".....and adult friend finder crap."



Needy Wife...this means he is meeting up with other people for sex. Or at least 99% of the time, that is what finding AFF on a spouse's computer/phone means.

Sorry. 

Oh, I'm sure he'll just say he was "curious" and "never contacted anyone". That is what they all, always say.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

eyuop said:


> You need a man. Tell him you are both going to marriage counseling or you are going to leave him. Then be completely honest about your need for sex. Has he always been this way? If so, why did you marry him? Oh, and get his rocks checked -- maybe low T?


They build up these fantasy worlds in cheating and NEVER want to stop. The only way they'll stop is if there is serious repurcussions, life altering and/or life threatening. Otherwise they will just go underground with it, and minimize the amount of pain and suffereing they are dishing by their actions.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> ".....and adult friend finder crap."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Agreed. That site is nothing but trouble.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

treyvion said:


> They build up these fantasy worlds in cheating and NEVER want to stop. The only way they'll stop is if there is serious repurcussions, life altering and/or life threatening. Otherwise they will just go underground with it, and minimize the amount of pain and suffereing they are dishing by their actions.


That's why the "counseling or I'm gone" message. Or just the "I'm gone" message if he is cheating works for me.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Your screen name implies you play a part in this. From what I've read it's all him that's creating this hell. The nerve, the absolute audacity to touch you sexually and not follow through knowing full well that you want it. It's freaking cruel. I don't Fing understand men like this. I just don't get it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Needy Wife...I'm curious that you don't see the HUGE WAVING RED FLAG about AFF.

Do you not think your husband is cheating on you?


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## Needy_Wife (Mar 10, 2010)

No, I dont. I asked him about this over the weekend. We got into a huge blown out fight. 
He said he was looking at porn, and that the AFF was just a pop up. I tested this out, and found that I got pop ups too, but never for AFF. 

I dont have a problem with porn...at all. In fact, turn it on, and lets get in the mood. BUT, when porn starts replacing me...that is when I am going to get mad. 

Honestly, I cant see how he could cheat on me. He is always home, never goes out (other than to work), he is so overweight, that unless you love him...its not appealing. (That wasn't supposed to sound mean, but honestly, his weight has gotten that bad). 

If AFF wasn't a pop up, and he was looking around that site, its still BS. Because he is going there in place of me. He didn't care it bothered me. 

This weekend was a changer in our marriage. We just went from husband and wife, to legit roommates. I'm done.


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