# I messed up



## kenn (Dec 20, 2011)

My wife and I separated after I asked for a divorce when I thought she didn't love me anymore and their wasn't any communication between us, and also to the fact that we were having alot of financial troubles and she wasn't willing to help. She expected me to work 2 jobs while she stayed at home and not seriously help (she did reports for foreclosure and Banks companies, she's a realtor) but didn't really help much financially. I did find out that she did love me by her reaction to my request for a divorce. When I told her that all I wanted was acknowledgement of her love, I told her I didn't want the divorce then and that I wanted to make things work. She in turned stated that since I wanted a divorce, that she would give me a divorce and request I move out (which I did, but had to move over 700 miles away). I thought we could get through all that, until she sent me the following message.

"I have not been sexually happy for a long time. This should not be a news flash for you. I do not want a pump up penis. It actually disgusts me and I dont want to touch it. It does nothing for me. It feels like you are poking me with a short 2 inch thin steel rod. This is pleasureable. I do not want a plastic penis--I dont want a dildo--if I have sex I want a REAL penis. Not something fake. Marriage is more than not getting along. I am 52 not 82 and sex is a part of a marriage. I can not live the rest of my life without sex. Nothing you say nor all the talking in the world will not give you your penis back. Understand?" 

I am diabetic and it took my sex life away from me. Tried every form of cure for E.D. and nothing helped. A lump was discovered on my testicle and the doctor recommend removing the lump and placing a 3-pc inflateable implant inside of me. Mind you, the doctor would NOT do the surgery if she didn't approve. And she did approve. How do I overcome all this or should I move on and hopefully find someone else with a heart and cares. (To me it feels great and I thought she enjoyed it). We had sex only 5-6 times since the surgery (had it done Oct 1, 2010) and I feel she didn't give it a chance (and no it is not a 2" steel rod, but silicone balloons that when inflated, it get about 5" long now). The more you use it the larger and longer it will get but can take up to 2 years. Help me with some advice please. Is this a hopeless marriage and do I throw in the towel or keep fighting for her love? She hasn't talked to me or return calls or emails. I know that she is very angry and still is. Mostly about the the damn money. I sometimes think that, that is all she cares about. And we are separated by 725 miles.
I have been giving her the 180 but how long do I go before I actually call her? I know she won't call me first. Any advice, I want to make the Marriage work. But sometimes feel like I'm wasting my time.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

kenn,

What was her childhood like?


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

All I can say is that you can't play games with love. Granted there wasn't any communication between the two of you, but she still loved you. Her being a realtor, the market is tight right now and you may have not realized that maybe she's doing the best she can and sometimes contributing a little in a marriage moneywise is better than nothing at all.

The bottom line is, you can't just ask for a divorce from someone just to see what their reaction is going to be and then turn around and take it back when you find out her reaction. That's just lame!!

I can't blame her for being upset and telling you to take a hike, however, what I don't agree with is her lashing out the way she has as your situation is health related. That was mean.

She's obviously very angry and I really can't blame her since maybe she HAS been trying to bring in more money, but for you to come along and tell her you want a divorce and change your mind on a dime just because you wanted to see her reaction...sometimes you just can't go back.

My advice is to give her some time. Leave her alone for a bit and stop calling her and emailing her as she's probably not going to answer anyway. Let her get in touch with you..and in the meantime..take some time to re-evaluate the way you handle things....I think you owe her an apology..along with a big bunch of roses telling her how sorry you are.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

man women are mean. A guy would probably never say something like that. Ouch.


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## kenn (Dec 20, 2011)

Conrad--From what I gather, it was ok, she was never close to her father and to this day still isn't. She did get pregnant at 17 and got married, had two kids by 19. Then was divorced by 20. She then got involved with another guy, and had another daughter (she has 1 son and 2 daughters). Then left him after about two or three years. Then moved in with another guy for 14 years (no kids). Would never marry him but owned a house together. Then in the year 2000, she left him and we got together about after a month of her leaving him. Plus she has had at least two other guys during 13 years with the latest ex. She left him 3 times and he always excepted her back. That is another thing that pisses me off, she went back three times, but can't forgive me once. Twice I would understand, but why not at least one time. 
MeMySelfand I--It was never my intention to play with her emotions or take it back. I saw how it had hurt her and realized she did love me. As far as the Realestate market is concerned. I to was a realtor and know the market very well. We lived in the Northern VA. area and Realestate was fairly strong. She never marketed herself. A year ealier she was doing between 30-40 reports a month (she makes $45.00 a report) from home, then this past year she was lucky to do 20 reports. She could of been at least working a part-time job. And she would never make dinner for me. She did state in the beginning of our realationship, that she wouldn't cook, cause her ex of 13 years never appreciated it or wouldn't sometimes eat what she cooked. And she had a real job working 40 hrs. Most of the time, and I'm not kidding, she would play those damn facebook games all day and night. I worked 10-11 hour days, and would have to make dinner when I got home. She at least could of made some kind of dinner and have it waiting, cause I usually called before coming home, instead of eating at 8-9 pm. Alot of times, I would come home and she would still be in her night gown from the morning. All this and no sex and no appreciation. And she only keep the house clean. This was all getting old. But the biggest thing was no sex, appreciation, or me feeling loved. And on top of all this, for the last 9 years, I had been remodeling the house from top to bottom and I had just finished building the Sunroom, completing everything. I just wanted to know that I was loved by my wife, and appreciated. I didn't expect her reaction to be what it was. And yes I have appoligized probably over a hundred times and she said not to send anything (she knows me). But through all this and the things I don't like about her, I still love her and want her. Thanks for listening, I'm going crazy and really feel that know body wants me, but thats another problem. Thanks


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

listening to these stories...It like opposite attract and cause heart break.. my ex was like her (selfish & self-centered)


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Kenn, 

Your issue finally convinced me to join and post (I have been a long time lurker)

Berhaps the most important thing to know is you didn't mess up, she did!

I too am a type 1 diabetic since I was about 9 years old (I am now 50) and have also had problems with ED in the last two years.

While I do not have the pump, I do have to take shots to get the "equipment" working and my wife has been supportive in most cases (although God knows we've had our issues and problems).

Before coming to our current arrangement and medication, I would often times "service" her in other ways being sure she could climax so your wife has no excuse.

She is not an honorable person and I don't think you should expend any more time or additional effort on her. I believe one day she will wake up and it will dawn on her how cruel and insensitive she has been.


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