# Just dont know what to do



## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

Hello everybody,bare with me this may take a minute.wife and i were married in 96.she was 20 i was 35.fast forward 2003 life was perfect.until wife started work,she was a stay at home mom.1 daughter from marriage.we have a son i adopted from her previous relationship.but her job was stressful, she was already battling anxiety and depression with zanax,then came the alcohol.2-3 cases a week.so in 2006 she told me she wanted to leave.i had no idea she was that unhappy.i knew she had problems.so she left in july that year.come to find out she was having an affair.emotional affair she said,so needless to say by september,we were putting her in rehab.i had the kids most of the time anyway.i stood by her through all of this.so she checks out of rehab early says shes giong to stay with a girlfriend she knew from rehab.stays gone 5 days come to find out she left with a guy.
moves him and his two sons in with her at her apartment.so this was the end of october.and by december12th she ran off with the boys back to there home town.needless to say that didnt last long.and me being the idiot i am i take her back.that was january 07.well fast forward through 2yrs livin hell,of 911 calls to the sherriff.5 hospital visits,to the psychward.she got off her meds.went back to work,and i finally had enough of putting the kids through all the bs.and she gone again.since november 08.and hears the CRAZY PART.I STILL LOVE HER AND WANT TO TRY AND MAKE IT WORK:scratchhead:


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

goinknutts said:


> Hello everybody,bare with me this may take a minute.wife and i were married in 96.she was 20 i was 35.fast forward 2003 life was perfect.until wife started work,she was a stay at home mom.1 daughter from marriage.we have a son i adopted from her previous relationship.but her job was stressful, she was already battling anxiety and depression with zanax,then came the alcohol.2-3 cases a week.so in 2006 she told me she wanted to leave.i had no idea she was that unhappy.i knew she had problems.so she left in july that year.come to find out she was having an affair.emotional affair she said,so needless to say by september,we were putting her in rehab.i had the kids most of the time anyway.i stood by her through all of this.so she checks out of rehab early says shes giong to stay with a girlfriend she knew from rehab.stays gone 5 days come to find out she left with a guy.
> moves him and his two sons in with her at her apartment.so this was the end of october.and by december12th she ran off with the boys back to there home town.needless to say that didnt last long.and me being the idiot i am i take her back.that was january 07.well fast forward through 2yrs livin hell,of 911 calls to the sherriff.5 hospital visits,to the psychward.she got off her meds.went back to work,and i finally had enough of putting the kids through all the bs.and she gone again.since november 08.and hears the CRAZY PART.I STILL LOVE HER AND WANT TO TRY AND MAKE IT WORK:scratchhead:


but you DID "make it work" but apparently it didn't work for her. she's got problems. does SHE say she wants to make it work too? if she does, give some ultimatums. like drug and alcohol treatment, psychological treatment, things to get her to recognize how destructive she is. that is, unless you want her to destroy you and the kids along with herself.


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## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

no she never said she wants to make it work,she says im tired of the hurt,and she wished she could believe like i do,and she is giving me mixed signals.comes over to eat with me and the kids.spends the night from time to time.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

She has way too many issues that need to be adressed before she can begin to create a stable envrionment for your kids. Honestly, until she is ready to get help for herself, I would focus on raising your kids on your own...you are their rock.

What 'hurt' is she tired of?


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## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

im not sure?she been manic several times [thats the reason for the sherriff and hospital visits] tried suicide several times.when she manic from pills and drinking she would go for a knife or my locked gun cabinet.always when i was around to stop her.lots of shouting matches.and she became physicaly violent on me several times.she been diagnosed bipolar.


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## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

Good morning,
just wanted to thank everybody,for the advise,and being able to share.i took the advise of swedish,and voivod.and read some more of others troubles.and i thought i had it rough.but i just backed off,[became emotionally detached].and concentrated on the kids,it took about a week.and she came around,during that time i did some real soul searching!and decided if she dosent get some help there is no help for us.but the week went pretty well,emotionally.and we spent some quality time,friday night.who knows about tonite im just giving her space,no demands,only suggestions.so everybody try to have a good weekend!!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

goinknutts said:


> and she came around,during that time i did some real soul searching!and decided if she dosent get some help there is no help for us.


im glad you realized that she needs to get help. i hope you follow through with it so the kids dont have to endure that emotional chaos.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

goinknutts said:


> but i just backed off,[became emotionally detached].and concentrated on the kids,it took about a week.and she came around,during that time i did some real soul searching!and decided if she dosent get some help there is no help for us.


This is great to hear...stick to your guns about her getting help and getting her bi-polar in order before you entertain the idea of letting her back in your/your children's lives. Even if she seems okay when you see her, the deamons will resurface very quickly if she doesn't get herself sorted out.

In the meantime, I hope you are enjoying peaceful days with your children and pray your wife will get the help she needs and remain emotionally stable when she's around you and the kids.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

You obviously love your kids, and you know that they should be put first here.

If she can get better, that's great. And obviously the kids need their mother, but IMO, she needs to get back to normal before I would let her around the kids too much. It's hard on the kids to see a parent like that. Probably worse than actually not having her around.

It's great you are trying to help her, and this sounds funny, but don't be selfish in trying to bring her back into your lives before she is ready.


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## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

Good Morning,
I would like to thank you once again for the support, and the reply.It seems kind of ironic,just last night we were talking on the phone,very nice conversation,very pleasant,and we had a good weekend.she spent some time with us friday & saturday.and sunday.she works 2nd & 3rd shifts split between wednesday and friday.just crazy hours.but back to what i was going to say,after our conversation on the phone she text me saying she started to come by the house sunday night after work and spend the night.and i messaged her back and said it maybe was to soon,and we need to talk.well the old poles switched after that!and she told me that i could get someone to pick up the kids wednesday & thursday from school.it just seems she has no communication skills.always when we argued or fussed about something she done it in emails,letters,or text.hardly ever face to face.and yes i do love my kids,and ive noticed a change in the 17yr old,hes seems to be trying in school now.and my daughter has truely captivated my heart.but its hard watching her[my wife] when she dosent even believe or will admit she has bipolar issues.but ive been praying,and will continue to pray for her.
thanks


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

All I can say is good luck man... That has got to be tough. I've struggled dealing with what would be considered mild mental issues in others. I can't even imagine what you are going through. You seem to be a very strong man. Just keep it up!!!


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## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

Hello Everybody,
Just a little update.so much has happened,dont know where to start.last weekend was good.but last monday started out bad.with a misunderstood text message.and went down hill from there.she came to the house wed was doing her third shift thing. and she was very with drawn.i gave her hugs,kisses,and kind words.[stupid uh]she was luke warm at best.thursday evening she and my daughter were on the computer at home and she noticed an icon clicked on msn,under dating & personals,she calls me and accuses me of joining a dating service,told her it was not so.so after that she was ice cold.so friday i had a few beers at work,got home around 6;30 normal time every thing was cool.good conversation,daughter was there and she gets on the phone with her father,this is the same man that molested her and her sister when thay were younger,and even tried with my wife when she was 18[ive never understood that crap]she only told me two yrs ago.and she still wants a relationship with him.but after their phone conversation,i could tell she was upset,i herd my name mentioned in the conversation.some crap about her brothers girlfriend.so i came to the realization that i was the only one with a dog in this fight.and told her so,she could not even put her arm around me when i asked her too.so i told her to leave her key,and i would make arrangements to pick up our daughter this week and everyone after,so she left.and the next morning she was there to take our daughter to her place so i could work saturday.and she had the nerve to call me and said she missed me last night.so i told her she could have found me as im easy to find.and she said we would talk later,but iknow it was to make sure i havent gone anywhere emotionally.after that my daughter called said she got sick 4 times,stayed out all night drinking??and i got sneaky saturday and traced an email to her girlfriend out of state and wife said she didnt trust me and would divorce me if not for the kids.keep in mind ive never cheated on this woman,or lied... [SO WHY AM I SO STUPID TO KEEP HANGIN ON]


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## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

Good Morning,
And hello,once again i would like to thank everyone for their support and advise.but to up date everyone this morning she told me that she was filing for divorce.she said because she knows no other way.but i saw it coming from a mile away.and its almost a relief.but heres the thing,she said we would share custody of our 9yr old daughter.and thats all she wants,but im not sure i want child support or anything else from her?but to just be gone!and find her happiness,but i dont want her runninig off with my daughter either.. i was thinking about unlimited visitation? with no child support?i sur could use some advise


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I would ask your attorney. Child Support and Child Custody issues are best left to the professionals who know the laws in your state. Best of luck to you.


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## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

Hello everybody,
its been a while since ive logged in,thought i could get some in put on this jerry springer episode ive been living in.on my last episode,she wanted a divorce,that was before vday. a week after vday she said she didnt want the divorce.and she came over to spend a night,and yes we done the deed.that was 20 feb.well she never calls to talk after that,only when she calls to talk to the kids.but never asks to speek to me.well by the 26 feb,she wants the divorce again.im thinking whats up with that crap?so i tell her again to have a nice life!and wouldnt you know it,she calls me on march 1st.12;00 and says she wants to come over??and i said ok,and at 1;00 she calls back and said her mother has hide her keys. shes drunk.so i said ill come get you.[dumb uh]any way all the way to her mothers im thinking,your gonna get played!! well we get back to the house, she has allready threw up so i offer to fix her something to eat.and while im doing that,she takes 3 sleeping pills[treisidone]?100mg each.and she tells me that.so i get her to throw up again.and she does,i asked why did you do that,her response,I DONT KNOW??so by this time she on the sofa im feeding her by hand.trying to get her to eat.and on march 1st we had some snow,kids out of school the whole 9 yds.im thinking this is gonna be fun!!so we played in the snow pulled each other around on the atv had a good time.and i asked her twiced 1 on sunday,1 on monday what are we doing ?meaning us?sunday she said i dont know.monday she said who says we have to do anything?and by tuesday she left went back to her mothers.by thursday my daughter was sick with upper respratory.so she comes back over thursday and friday so i can work.and by friday night she was gone again.same old bag of crap.want call or want speak to me when she calls the kids? so what do you all think... im the nutty one right...it seems im always a door mat.and im really getting tired of it.and for the past two weeks only time she calls,is when she wants something,once to use my credit card,and this past sunday she wanted a handgun i bought for her,like im really gonna give it to her !!!!! sorry for the long post,any advice would be greatly appreciated


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## goinknutts (Jan 13, 2009)

Good Morning,
Just an update for everyone thats been following my nightmare. ive decided to file for a divorce.ive learned of 2 [affairs?] from november.till 3/09 and ive finally learned the definition of a SKANK. i just wanted to thank each and everyone for the advise and hope and pray we all find the peace and happiness that we all seem to need.and i ask all to remember me and my children in your prayers,that i may lose the anger in me so that i can find closure,and raise my children as a father should.

thank you,
and God bless you all


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