# Am I being selfish



## Yendor (May 30, 2007)

My wife and I have been together since we were 18 (now 36) and we were married in 2001. We currently have a 5 month old son, who means the world to me. In March, my wife talked to me about going, with her parents, to visit her relatives in another part of the country, as I cannot go. We discussed how long I would be comfortable in letting my wife and son go for and we had agreed on 2 weeks. I also told her that I didn’t like the idea of her and my son going at all. After she had talked to he parents, I was informed that they were going for 4-5 weeks. Needless to say I got very angry as I felt that my feelings had been ignored yet again. She is currently visiting her parents and is gone for 1 week. In not so many words, I thought that I had gotten across that I was unhappy about her going, but apparently she didn’t get it.

Am I wrong in thinking that she shouldn’t be going without me? I believe that trips like this should be done as a family. I would never consider taking my son and leaving my wife at home and going somewhere without her, yet she doesn’t see it like I do. Asking me to give up my son again for 2 weeks, is like asking me to rip my heart out. Especially since my son is so young, this has been very hard on me. This last week without my wife and son has not been very enjoyable. From my point of view, she has always put her parents before me. I'm also afraid that I might be resentful towards my wife after all this. That's something that I don't want to happen.

My problem is also that I tend to keep things inside. To me, writing this post has been very difficult. It’s something I know I have to work on.


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## J.A.W (May 28, 2007)

I don't think you're being selfish. However, I don't think every vacation has to be taken together, especially if your spouse cannot go. There should be time away planned with both parents present. 
Your wife has really got to consider your feelings & let her parents know they don't run the show! You should come to an agreement on a time frame & stick to it. NO ACCEPTIONS.You have to respect eachother.


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## Fancy T (Jun 11, 2007)

You both should have come to an agreement, and both respecting the agreement. You are not being selfish. You shoul explain the reasons to your wife as to why you only wanted them to go for 2 weeks, and explain how hurt you are by them being gone for so long. Give her the details of how you feel inside, the same way you wrote in the posting. Do not hold it inside, because it will lead to resentment, and that's the start of many more bad things to come such as bitterness, rage etc. Find a way to get her attention and express your hurt in a loving way so it does not lead to an argument. Focus on expressing how you feel about the situation, and not on how wrong she was for going against the agreement. Hopefully she will then realize her mistake and the effect it had on you.


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## Yendor (May 30, 2007)

My wife and I had a really good talk about the everything. I told her how I felt and she understood my point of view. What she hadn't told me before was why she really wanted to go, so she told me why and I accepted it. Her uncle is going to tear down her grandfathers home and she wanted to see it one last time. My wife comes from a really close family, sometimes it seems too close, and I do not. I never really knew my grandparents, so it was an issue I had trouble relating too. I just love my wife and child and I hate being away from them.
She has everything set up for her trip, but my one other concern is that they will be doing a lot of driving. Up to 5-8 hours a day, if they want to stick to their schedule. I'm just worried how my son will handle sitting in the car for that long.


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## Fancy T (Jun 11, 2007)

Good for you. Open communication is always helpful. Do not worry, after all the baby did spend ~nine months in your wife's womb and survived. And I'm sure your wife loves the baby as much as you do, and would not put the baby at any risk. Do not worry. Trust and believe.


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