# Lesbian couple reconciliation?



## Mo_Solrae

I just turned 31. I am currently separated from my wife who is 32. We have known each other for almost 7 years. We were friends for 4 years when circumstances caused me to end up living with her. She had never been with anyone sexually or in a relationship, male or female. After a month of living with her, she came on to me and told me she was lonely. She also told me that I understood her so much better than anyone she had ever met. That is how our relationship started.

We lived together a year and a half before we got married which was March 2015. During most of our relationship, I was physically unable to work due to knee problems. I started college in January 2015. I had knee surgery November 2015. We both had gastric bypass in April/May 2016. We had some arguments about finances, housework, etc. It definitely wasn't a perfect relationship. In June 2016, after a day of arguing and trying to split up our stuff from sharing our master bedroom to one of us in the master and one of us in the guest room, she randomly left the house. The next thing I know, there are cops at the door telling me to get out or go to jail. She had told them I was abusing her. I hadn't touched her.

She left me homeless and jobless. I had just started looking for a job since I was healing up from gastric bypass. Anyways, she broke the lease on our apartment and moved out of state. We recently started talking again and being able to to be friends again. Well, now she wants to move back "home." I have been staying with people rent free, but I have to be out in April. She wants to try to reconcile, she wants to try therapy (which she wouldn't consider before), and she wants to move back in together (into a cheap enough place that one of us can afford it alone if we split again). 

Together we have lost over 200 lbs. We both feel better about ourselves and I am working. Oh and I forgot to mention. I am very sexual and need physical intimacy. She is asexual and has a low sex drive (though she says it is a big higher now that she feels better). This caused a lot of tension. I told her that I would cope with the lack of sex as long as I had other types of physical intimacy...back rubs, snuggles, etc. After surgery, she wouldn't kiss me, she wouldn't hug me, and forget snuggles or anything else intimate. We are both willing to go to individual therapy, couples therapy, we have started writing daily emails to each other following guided journal prompts, and she is willing to go to sex therapy. 

I love her, but I don't know if I was ever in love with her. I'm not sure I even know what that feels like and she sure as heck doesn't have any experience in love since I am the one and only person she has been with. There is no passion between us and not likely to ever be. Since the split, I have tried dating and hated it. All the girls played games. I hate drama and I don't play stupid games with people's feelings. So, the whole point of this post is to see if anyone has any experience with a separation, situation like this, asexual/sexual couples, etc. She was my best friend, she is my wife. I still love her, I miss her, but can a couple come back from this?


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## sokillme

Um, she called the cops on you? I am assuming this was a false report? You want to go back to someone who could do that to you? How about you find some things you love and do them, maybe you will meet someone there. I get you are lonely but that is no reason to settle for someone who could abuse you. You deserve someone who won't abuse you.


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## GusPolinski

Seriously?

She alleged abuse and had you thrown out on the street on false DV charges.

Cut her out of your life and move forward w/ divorce.


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## MSalmoides

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## uhtred

What is wonderful about her? 

The sexual / asexual problem is extremely difficult by itself, but she also faked an abuse report about you???? 

Why not find someone who will return your love?


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## Mo_Solrae

I am not lonely. I actually enjoy being single. Yes, it was a false report. She was influenced by my sister (a whole different story). My sister had her convinced I was dangerous even though I had never given my wife a reason to think that I was. I have talked to my wife recently and actually she isn't asexual....she was repressing her sexuality but didn't want to deal with it, so she claimed to be asexual. She experienced trauma as a child and hasn't dealt with it so it's understandable. What is wonderful is that she was my best friend and we both understand each other better than any one else we know.


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## MSalmoides

...


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## notmyrealname4

Don't get back together with her. 

You have to ask yourself why you would even consider reuniting with her?

Answer: you don't value yourself highly enough to think you can get anyone that would treat you with respect.

Work on that.


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## Mo_Solrae

We are actively talking, starting online couples therapy, starting individual therapy, etc. We do have some additional motivation to do this. We are possibly going to get custody of my 10-year-old niece, if we can get to a point that we can get along well enough to co-parent. It's a sticky situation all the way around.


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## GusPolinski

Mo_Solrae said:


> I am not lonely. I actually enjoy being single. Yes, it was a false report. She was influenced by my sister (a whole different story). My sister had her convinced I was dangerous even though I had never given my wife a reason to think that I was. I have talked to my wife recently and actually she isn't asexual....she was repressing her sexuality but didn't want to deal with it, so she claimed to be asexual. She experienced trauma as a child and hasn't dealt with it so it's understandable. What is wonderful is that she was my best friend and we both understand each other better than any one else we know.


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