# Husband and his dependency issues



## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

I've been in here before about this, about my husband and his dependency issues. This time, it just feels different. He's trying. He has his good days and his bad. Some days he will barely drink at all - the next, he will slam a 12 pack of white claw winthin 3 hours and then stumble to get dinner ready. I completely gave it all up. There is absolutely no enjoyment in having a beer anymore for myself. He keeps telling me that I don't have to because I am not the problem, and he knows that he is. But if he knows - why are we still dealing with this? I think it's a lot stronger than that tho. Almost like it's an obsession? I think he has a personality disorder. Definitely OCD. Not about the tidieness of the house because his garage is a mess and it drives me nuts and I try to keep the house as clean as I can with my busy schedule and he just doesn't see the clutter - but he has to have his drinks. And his weed. And his friends. He's in a drinking club and it's almost like it's an obsession. Yes, I kind of fed in to it because I try to be supportive - the guys in the club try to do good things. They raise money for charities and events. They will have food banks for christmas and easter. They will donate clothes to schools. So I do try to support that but with the crap going on lately (see my post about the joking around), I just don't know anymore how and where I can help.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

It's time for you to go to an Al-Anon meeting. It's a support group for people like you who love addicts. You will find your answers there.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> He's in a drinking club and it's almost like it's an obsession.


Uh, no, it's NOT an "obsession." It's called "addicton."



BecauseSheWeeps said:


> I just don't know anymore how and where I can help.


Here's the deal: Your husband is trying to control his addiction. Alcoholics do that because they are invested in the belief that they aren't really alcoholics. They can stop anytime they want to. Until he is ready to deal with HIS ADDICTION, he will continue to grapple with it.

And, like him, until YOU are willing to leave him alone and deal with YOUR OWN issues, you will continue to be involved in HIS problem(s). Nothing you can say or do will get him clean and/or sober. That's his decision to make. Just like it's your decision to make to get on your side of the street and tend to your issues.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (9 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> Uh, no, it's NOT an "obsession." It's called "addicton."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Why do we assume that I have issues?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Why do we assume that I have issues?


Uh, because you're discussing them here?

P.S. - We ALL have issues. It's called being human.

ETA: You're married to an addict. That alone, IS an issue.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Why do we assume that I have issues?


Because you talked about supporting his drinking club, while he's an alcoholic.


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