# Another fitness test here. She had many up her alley.



## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Well, first - everyone here who is responding and posting. You guys are just great. This community really helps me plenty.

I posted her before. Basically, I feel like I am married to someone with very low emotional maturity (i.e. doesn't really know how to deal with her emotions, and because of that is trying to dump and blame and accuse and yell...). I used to be a nice guy: not answering her when angry rather "run away", trying not to bring up issues etc. and always be nice and let her decide the way she wanted...

Well, our marriage was in shambles, and when I got here I realized the big mistake I am making.

Since then, whenever she is talking down to me (as she was doing non-stop) I will let her know that this is not the way I communicate and if she needs a response from me she needs to talk normally.

Let me tell you. The past few weeks were so great because of that! She became so much more pleasant, respectful and we even had some intimate time (which was greatly lacked).

But what bothers me is the fact that even when I do achieve my goal (of getting respect, not yelled at, being desired by her which we are not there yet), her emotional issue is still an issue. It keeps on coming out when she take care of our kids, when she deals with other people, her mother - which has exactly the same problem like her - her sisters...

I wish she could just realized what type of miserable life she has. How her emotions are making her like a lost ship in middle of a storm.

But how?

I just got another fitness test. Strange, but latley she cries a bit (like tears without crying really) after each time I stand strong and don't give up my grounds. She is a type of lady that never admits emotions and almost never cried. I hope those tears are a good thing.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

joshbjoshb said:


> Well, first - everyone here who is responding and posting. You guys are just great. This community really helps me plenty.
> 
> I posted her before. Basically, I feel like I am married to someone with very low emotional maturity (i.e. doesn't really know how to deal with her emotions, and because of that is trying to dump and blame and accuse and yell...). I used to be a nice guy: not answering her when angry rather "run away", trying not to bring up issues etc. and always be nice and let her decide the way she wanted...
> 
> ...


You are winning her respect, and her emotional barriers to you (vulnerability) are starting to come down.

My advice, don't stop just at her treatment of you. 

Her actions and behaviors indicate she would love to see your strong, confident leadership in these other areas as well (dealing with the kids, her mother and sisters, etc.)

Even if you cannot negotiate with logic, reason (and certainly don't ask for permission), have the courage to boldy take initiative on whatever issue with the kids, your mother in law, your sisters in law, etc. that needs taking care of. 

Understand this, even doing the 100 percent "wrong thing" as a man, the fact that he is strong enough, is passionate enough, has intiative enough, and cares enough about his woman and his family to be doing it is often the most important point all along.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> You are winning her respect, and her emotional barriers to you (vulnerability) are starting to come down.
> 
> My advice, don't stop just at her treatment of you.
> 
> ...


josh,

Wolf is on it.

Stay the course.


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## Bigrascal (Aug 12, 2011)

Sounds like good progress Josh. 

Your wife sounds like mine - lacking in some basic social/EQ skills.


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