# Need some advice on what to do



## lucky_strike_18 (Dec 27, 2011)

About us:
Been together for 7.5 years
Married for 3 years
One son 1.5 year old

Me:
27 years old
20 when we met
Good job
Work hard
Built us a house

Her:
23 soon to 24 years old
16 when we met
Also has good job
Spends money like crazy

Ok here goes the story….She had been becoming distant from me for about 3 months. Very little intercourse, say twice in the past 3 months. I have had several red flags. I go to bed on Tuesday night the 20th and she don’t come to bed with me, says she is going to read,(red flag) this is very unusual for her. So I lay there in bed thinking “I’m going to go talk to her”. I go in the living room and she has her phone out on her lap face down. I ask her to see her phone and she wouldn’t let me. She said because she was texting somebody about my Christmas present. I said to her no Christmas present is worth what I’m feeling (the trust). She still won’t let me see the phone. After she plays with the phone for a little she gives it to me and it’s got a password on it. (RED FLAG). So we argue for a couple of hours. And she says that she will unlock it if she can erase the messages about the present. I said ok. She gives me the phone and everything is deleted. Long story short I didn’t sleep at all. The next morning she gets up and goes to her bathroom and I go to mine. I was debating whether or not to go to work or not since I didn’t get any sleep. I went to her bathroom and she was reading something on her phone. Remind you this is 430 in the morning. So I took the phone from her and it was a text saying. “Good morning I love you my (her name)”. While I was still holding the phone he texted again Saying” Jaanoo where are you”. Jaanoo I reckon means Life in Hindi but they use it in the Punjabi and Hindi language meaning life. This is especially used by lovers calling each other their life and true love. Basically, someone's jaan is someone they love and are willing to die for. This person has stole your heart and won't give it back to you and, in truth, you don't want it back from them because you love them so dearly.(Copy from urban dictionary.com). 

I know the guy and have often wondered about them. They work together. He has three children and is 48 years old and married. I give her the phone back and she calls him with me standing in front of her. They really don’t say too much. Then she leaves and comes back. When she walks in I ask”Did y’all get y’alls stories straight?” She ends up telling me that she is in love with him. She tells me that it was not a PA but an EA. That they did not meet outside of work. There has been a lot of unexplained time says she is Christmas shopping and when she comes home there are no bags. I just don’t believe her. She has bought new sexy underwear lately. One pair she wore on the 24th…says on the back side “WHERE’S MY GIFT”……and then she left she said she got called in to work. They sure weren't for me. She is not willing to quit her job and also not willing to let me see the phone. But she says she wants to be with me and that she still loves me and is willing to do anything to save our marriage.

I contact the OMW via FB and tell her the situation on the 25th she ends up befriending my wife on FB and changing her profile pic instead of him and her to just her and the kids.

I know that y’all are not hearing the entire story but it would take forever to type all of this out. I set up app. with MC on the 28th and she said she was willing to go. Last night the 26th she told me she was not ready to go to MC she is too stressed out this week and for me to move the app. to the next week. I left the house mad she is not willing to walk the walk.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated …and If y’all have any questions just ask them….so you can get a better assessment of the situation.

Thanks again for your time.


PS I forgot to mention that she has racked up $34,000 worth of debt all with high interest rates that I didn’t know about until about a month ago. I’m not trying to make it all bad about her, there are something’s I could have done better in our relationship. But I think that gives her no reason to do what she did……I took my vows seriously ….she didn’t.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Immediately talk to a lawyer and show him the debt etc.

Get papers drawn up and explain that immediately she will choose OM or you. 

Do not accept any requests for time to think, time alone, etc.. These are all her choosing the affair. Give her the papers. Offer to help pack her bag and drive her to him.

Do not play games do not negotiate. Accept only immediate rejection of the OM.

You do not leave. Repeat you are not to leave . Your child stays too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, and let HR at her work know about this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lucky_strike_18 (Dec 27, 2011)

Thank you for the replies. I live in a small town with three lawyers. I've called them to get app. but they all won't be back until the first of the year. I guess i will just not talk to her when she comes home and sleep on the couch until the first of the year.


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## lucky_strike_18 (Dec 27, 2011)

I am really willing to work on our marriage. I really am still in love with her. But she just doesn't want to work on it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did the two of you discuss divorce in the few months before she racked up the debt?

One thing to think about in telling her employer.. she might be fired. Then you will have to pay her support until she finds another job. If she's leaving then just leave it alone... just a thought.


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## lucky_strike_18 (Dec 27, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Did the two of you discuss divorce in the few months before she racked up the debt?
> 
> One thing to think about in telling her employer.. she might be fired. Then you will have to pay her support until she finds another job. If she's leaving then just leave it alone... just a thought.



No we did not discuss divorce...i thought everything was ok....she said i didn't help her enough around the house and when she would come to me about doing something i would just get mad.....which this is somwhat true. I not trying to make excuses but I work 10 to 12 hrs a day at a very phsical job....(hard work clean living is my motto) and when I would get home I didn't feel like doing much of nothing.


Also, to answer the last question you asked. She won't leave. What do I do there. I can't just kick her out can I?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Why don't you contact the OM and tell him to come pick up his 'love'. If he wants her, he can have her with all that it implies.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I agree. Call him and tell him to come get her. And start sleeping in your own bed again. Right now, your wife wants the strong man, not the wimpy husband. Find your alpha male and start showing him; tell her if she contacts him one more time, you are kicking her out of the house.

Cancel all the credit cards, close off her contact to the bank accounts. If you want her back you have one chance only - and you have to be STRONG and DECISIVE - him or me, DECIDE NOW.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Marriage counseling is a waste of time and money when your wife is still in contact, in love, etc, with her lover - the married man of 3 kids.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

turnera said:


> I agree. Call him and tell him to come get her. And start sleeping in your own bed again. Right now, your wife wants the strong man, not the wimpy husband. Find your alpha male and start showing him; tell her if she contacts him one more time, you are kicking her out of the house.
> 
> Cancel all the credit cards, close off her contact to the bank accounts. If you want her back you have one chance only - and you have to be STRONG and DECISIVE - him or me, DECIDE NOW.



Yes, go back home and sleep in your own bed. Let her sleep in the couch or whatever. Do NOT have sex with her till you know she's is STD free, has left her lover, shows remorse, and is willing to reconcile. Otherwise you'll be in a bigger mess if she gets pregnant.


Start separating and securing your finances from her now. Cancel any joint bank accounts, credit cards. Make sure you're not in joint debts with her. Revisit your will.


If she's still interested in the OM, phone him to come get her. Help her pack.

Get yourself a voice-activated recorder (VAR). Plant a few around the house where she talks privately.

Find a good, aggressive lawyer.

Dont assume the $34,000 debt in any form.


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## lucky_strike_18 (Dec 27, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lucky_strike_18 (Dec 27, 2011)

Ty'all for ur advice I had these things on my mind and now im going to do them. I will post in the future about updates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to follow with the OMW, but via phone or in person if you can. FB can be too easily intercepted by the OM claiming to be her.

The two of you (you and OMW) need to compare notes and too keep in touch on what is going on.

Also, I suggest taking her new sexy underwear and either burning it, or mailing it to the OMW with a note to ask the OM about it.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Nothing to add other than to affirm what you've already been told. 

Good Luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Let her go, dude.

She told you point blank she is in love with this guy and has racked up $34K (WTF!) in credit card debt. Insanity. 

File for divorce and tell her you are done, you won't live in an open marriage. 

Go back to your bed and if she has a problem with it, tell her to GTFO and go run off to her "Janoo." 

She will NOT respect you as long as you are letting her disrespect you.

When someone doesn't want to be with you anymore, you open up the door and wish them "Good luck." Don't ever waste your time chasing after someone told you point blank they are in love with someone else.

No way, dude.

Respect yourself FIRST.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, and get the bills on what the 34K was spent on - if it was for affair stuff, you can likely deduct that from her share of the divorce settlement.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

Pack her bag and dump her and her bag in front of OM house.She wants to be with OM so let it, it will show her the reality.

expose the affair to wifes family, OM wife and employer.


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

lucky_strike_18 said:


> About us:
> Been together for 7.5 years
> Married for 3 years
> One son 1.5 year old
> ...


*The answers are bolded*


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Are you of Indian descent or is the OM of Indian descent? Tell her you are filing for divorce and file it. Don't beg or plead. If your marriage has any change, she has to be the one to end it.


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## lucky_strike_18 (Dec 27, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Are you of Indian descent or is the OM of Indian descent? Tell her you are filing for divorce and file it. Don't beg or plead. If your marriage has any change, she has to be the one to end it.



no, I'm not but the OM is. This is day #2 of the 180. One question how do you sleep in the same bed with the S....especially when you can't sleep at all unless you do go to the couch....she won't leave the bed.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

lucky_strike_18 said:


> no, I'm not but the OM is. This is day #2 of the 180. One question how do you sleep in the same bed with the S....especially when you can't sleep at all unless you do go to the couch....she won't leave the bed.


Better yet, why don't you send a picture of you and her sleeping in the same bed, as a post-Christmas day present to the OM? That should warm his heart.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Oh, she will move. If she is Hindi, just tell her that you will out her affair to all her family. That should help you get her out. And tell her that you are keeping the baby. Do as AUG suggests.


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## lucky_strike_18 (Dec 27, 2011)

I took off work this week b/c i had some vacation that I would lose if I didn't use it....and I still can't get a lawyer in my area until the first of the year. 

Question about the credit cards....maybe from y'alls experience....what about the ones that are in her name,(and that i didn't know about) would i have to split those too?


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Did she apply for those credit cards with just her name ir did she forge your name on the application. If your name is not on the account you can't do anything - an easy way to find out if she forged your name is to pull a credit report on your SSN and review all the listed accounts. Depending on the state you divorce in, this debt may be considered her own in others in maybe considered joint.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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