# Dont know what to do



## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

Good morning - this is the first time I talk about my relationship on a forum, but I am at a lost for words and confused and frustrated. I was a single mother raising my 4 children -now all grown and had been wanting to meet someone whom I would share the rest of my life with, After 12 years alone- I met a wonderful man whom I have been in a relationship for the past 2 1/2 yrs since the beginning our sex was not all that because he is taking a slew of medications which I am sure has affected his sexual drive; he had just gotten out of a long term marriage; I thought that maybe over time things would improve in our sex life - 
For the past 1-1/2 he has since moved in with me as he has no place to live - and continues to take his meds/sleep - Now our sex life is literally non existent and when I try to insinuate having relations he shrugs off and says I am a nympho; "Yes I am a nympho if you just want foreplay for 1/2 and 15 minutes of P -if its not flaccid; after that one day -forget about sex for another one to 2 wks..ughhh if I come home tired from 3rd shift and want to play as we have not had sex in 5 day- Nope..forget that notion. I work over 60 hours a wk come home and take care of house yes I might want to have something when the kids are out and we have the house to ourselves. We have separated twice and he has come back and I have taken him back with hopes of improvement - last month he remember that he had not had relations with me for the past 7 days when during my sleep I was wanting him - so the next day he told me I feel bad I guess I have gone too long.. You think?? 
Help what should I do.. should I continue with this charade at 51years old I still look good and Im not ready to give up on sex
..Is it normal for a man to only want sex once a wk?? and cuddle for the rest??? I cant take it anymore I'm ready to freak.. and honestly don't want to snap or possibly cheating; and I don't want that

and very few and in between sexual life; When we first started dating he was and has always been very caring and loving; however, when it comes to the BR all he wanted to do was cuddle and maybe once or twice a week have relations; I am Latina and although we are both 51 years old.. I know I have a higher sex drive and soon started realizing that all he wanted to do was cuddle at night - I asked my doctor for sleeping pills and anxiety pills to help me with the lack of sex -I'm not one to take meds, but thought this would help as I love him; ask me to seek medical help to get me on a nightly regimen


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

No, 
It is just a guess because I do not have any scientific proof but I do not think that is average (normal). But it may be a higher percentage of males than I would have guessed before reading these kinds of forums. Hard to say what percentile he would fall into but I would guess less than 30%

Your still young -go find someone that will be more fun. 

If he is calling you a nympho just because you are interested in sex that is not a good sign. If he is not worried about his sex drive than he probably never was.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Once a week at 51 isn't abnormal, IMHO. It may not be acceptable to you (and that doesn't make you a bad person or anything) but it's not abnormal. 

Beating your head against the wall hoping to change this is a fool's game, though. He's shown you what he's willing to give you. If that's not enough, put a fork in it and call it done. Put you both out of your misery. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

PBear said:


> Once a week at 51 isn't abnormal, IMHO. It may not be acceptable to you (and that doesn't make you a bad person or anything) but it's not abnormal.
> 
> Beating your head against the wall hoping to change this is a fool's game, though. He's shown you what he's willing to give you. If that's not enough, put a fork in it and call it done. Put you both out of your misery.
> 
> ...


It might not be acceptable to you and you might decide at 51 you will not have your sex drive and sex life limited by your current circumstances. Because you have no guarantee that it will return, it SHOULD but it might not!

Some of us aren't willing to gamble on something that is important to us.

Yes, sex and intimacy is very important to me and I desire it in my life.


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

ok... thank you Great advise. Just wondering It is really normal for a 51 year old man not to want to have intimacy at all only once a wk?? And No desire whatsoever after??


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Deseperada said:


> ok... thank you Great advise. Just wondering It is really normal for a 51 year old man not to want to have intimacy at all only once a wk?? And No desire whatsoever after??


For SOME 51 years old men, YES! That's all they think they need or want.

Would they be healthier having more sex perhaps 3 times a week? In my opinion yes. There are a ton of benefits to sexual interactions.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You are a hot lady.
He needs to understand that he needs to up his game. Maybe eat better and exercise?

Abnormal or not, you need more sex!

If he can't or won't do something to want to drill you into the bed more often, you will probably be in misery for as long as you are taking care of him. 

You want to be treated like an object of passion but he wants to treat you like a teddy bear.

It kind of sounds like he wants a mommy instead of a lover?

Anyhow, best wishes and don't settle, you don't have to.

There are a lot of men your age that would be a walking hard-on for a woman like you.


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

Thank you soo much..definitely got me to smile. Its very depressing and making me feel like its me with the problem. Once again - thank you


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

Thank you once again for your advise.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Take care Desperada. 
Let us know if you get some improvement.
I'm rooting for you.:smthumbup:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm 46, and I'm enjoying sex with my SO (we're not married) anywhere from daily to 3 or 4 times a week. Others in here at my age are anywhere from weekly to 15 times a week. It all depends. There's no magic number. 

You could encourage him to get his testosterone levels checked, as a last ditch effort. Eliminate a medical issue. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

Good Looking out my friend. Lets see what happens


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

get that man on a treadmill, some viagra, and let the games begin. I certainly hope at 51 I have someone who wants to have sex multiple times a week. He does not know what he has!


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

According to the latest survey once a week for couples 50-60 is pretty high. 

...but I figured that is mostly due to one or the other spouses lack of willingness. (because it seems like a lot of us have spouses that do not want sex very often)

Well maybe that was a bad guess based on my own interests in sex.

But still, I would think that it would be pretty easy for the OP to find a more compatible partner.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

either its a deal breaker or not. if it is move on.

let me get this straight.

he moved in with you because he has no place to stay,you work 60hrs and he sleeps and takes medicine,you want sex frequently and he could careless how often.

what the heLL do you see in this man? I'd be out of there. and free of any guilt or remorse. your not compatible.


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

He uses Viagra!!..ughhh but hes not interested in having any kind of intimacy - just cuddling....arrghh LOL


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> either its a deal breaker or not. if it is move on.
> 
> let me get this straight.
> 
> ...


I agree with this also.

The man has little self esteem. He does not feel good about himself and thus it reflects on his sexuality. Probably a bit of guilt going through him also as it sounds like you are bringing home the paychecks.


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

Believe me.. I know I want to move on - feeling guilty and remorseful..


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

Honestly - I could bring home the paycheck..i don't mind working many hours; If only he just want to have intimacy; I can compromise on everything, but lack of intimacy is driving me insane


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

Deseperada said:


> Honestly - I could bring home the paycheck..i don't mind working many hours; If only he just want to have intimacy; I can compromise on everything, but lack of intimacy is driving me insane


It may be that your compromising on the other things allows this kind of lack of intimacy to sneak into your relationship.

If you do move on, which it sounds like it may be time, then this next time pick someone who carries his own load, makes you happy in other areas, and also one that you are sexually compatible with.


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## Deseperada (Jan 7, 2014)

Cyclist said:


> It may be that your compromising on the other things allows this kind of lack of intimacy to sneak into your relationship.
> 
> If you do move on, which it sounds like it may be time, then this next time pick someone who carries his own load, makes you happy in other areas, and also one that you are sexually compatible with.


Thank you Cyclist - Great Advise. Im glad I have been able to get great advise from this Forum; I thought I was alone in my battle. Once again - thank you


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I hope you find someone else! Good luck.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

It doesn't matter if he is average or not - if you are having to be on medication due to this issue it is time to cut your losses. Now.


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## jozeppy26 (Feb 18, 2013)

I'm just curious, what medications is he on? Why does he sleep so much? How much does he exercise/ what's his heart health look like? #Curiousdoctor


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Deseperada said:


> He uses Viagra!!..ughhh but hes not interested in having any kind of intimacy - just cuddling....arrghh LOL



Viagra for cuddling... Maybe Pfizer could find a new therapeutic application  and extend the patent...

How's his overall energy level?

Happiness? Stress? Depression ??

What does he do with his time?

What are his long term plans?

Do you see eye to eye financially?

These would be the kinds of question I would be asking. Mismatch on one area is a warning that there could be other mismatches.


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