# is it over?



## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

i think me and david are done. i am just trying to find a way to tell him and make sure the right process is done.

i think i am going to talk to a lawyer tomorrow if i can fit it into my work.
the night before last night he stayed up until 5 looking on dating sites
last night he was up all night looking up dating sites, and created another email address so he can actual email them. he sent an email to some chick asking to met with her sometime
i am so confused because he has actually been on his good behavior this week. even washed my pillow the day i got back from my moms last weekend because the little dog peed on it. dried it AND had it on the bed with a pillow case
shocked the hell out of me
and he has done the dishes 3 x this week without me asking.
he is still coming home later. around 6:30 or 7:30 and says he is "working" being as i never saw his times sheets i dont know. but on thrusday, i was able to log into his work credit card account.
for a year now he has been telling me that he only gets paid 200.00 every week. that is why i am paying the family insurance which is taking half my check literally. i went from getting 1000 every 2 weeks to getting 500 every 2 weeks. so i still pay the house payments 800/moth. with my other 200 --300 i pay my cell, the internet and my student loan. i have been struggling.
david was to pay the gas, the electric and the water and groceries. so gas is just 25 because the only thing on gas is the heater, the electric runs 190-225 and the water is 80-100. but because he only made 800 a month i thought it was "FAIR"
the joke is on me
he makes 460+ to 580+
a ****ING WEEK!!!
last 2 months he did not pay the electric
so just the water
he made 2000. and paid out 100 for the water. he hasnt gotten groceries since the little boys went to my moms in may
so what did he spend 1900 on? hell i dont know
ok. he has to get gas to go to work so what 100 a week. 400 a month. still leave 1500. if it even takes a 100
then he pays his truck insurance cuz he cant be caught without that so lets just say another 100. but i think it is more like 50 to 70 per month. still leaves 1400
still more then what i make a month
i asked him (didnt tell him i knew what he made) and he said he cant remember what all he spent his money on last month or any other month. i told him you had money and you have nothing to show for it. he just said yep
oh right an lets not forget his ****ing beer. idk what he spends probably around 100 a week. still lieave 1300
but it really not the money. although it buggs the **** out of me
it is the fact that he is looking for a date.
he has gotten cagey about his phone again
wont let me near it
i kept asking myself for the past 8 month, why is he here. why does he stay because he is showing all the signs of not wanting to be here. no matter what i did or what i said, he still acting like he dont want to be here.
after the little boys went to my moms in may, he was staying out all night, drinking alot more. when he does come home he is going out to the garage and styaing out there until 11 then comes in and goes to bed
if i try to talk to him while he is in bed he pretends to be asleep
i am tired.
i tried so hard
i cant make him love me
i just cant figure out why he is sending me mixed signals
some times being all lovey....i think it is guilty concieous. i think he cheated on me and then "ACTS" all right at home
and i keep waiting for him to leave
like he always does
very hard to act when you think any day now he is going to just not come home at all
but he is still here. giving me a kiss every morning. gets on dating sites all night then wants to have sex with me at 3 in the morning
that was just last week and the first time i said no (dont feel like being used like that, sorry)
but other times we had sex, some of it really good too. now i dont know what to think
o and he paid my cell phone payment last week cuz i had to pay the electric as it got turned off and that is how i found out he hasnt paid for it
for 2 months
anyhow...i kept asking myself when is he going to leave and why is he doing this or that and why is he staying
and then it dawned on me friday nite
why am i staying?
why should i stay with him if he treats me like crap, does whatever he wants, cleaning his house, making dinner, washing his clothes, taking care of the bills, cleaning the yard, taking care of my car cuz he could care less,
all the while he is looking to find someone online for a ****?
how stupid am i
i mean i love him but i dont like being treated this way
i dont like wondering where my husband and if or who he is ****ing
i think he is on drugs again
i think he is cheating on me
at least if not physcially then he is texting and talking to other women
i really am done
i cant do this anymore
i cant live this way
my heart hurts but i feel like i will be better off without him
i dont want the kids to have a broken home and have divorced parents.
but why stay with him if he is going to be doing that ****
i have no idea what to do
i mean ya i could seduce him and it will be fine for a little while but he has done this over and over and over
he is just not committed to this relationship
amd i am tired of being the only one trying to make this marriage and family work
i have put up with som much of his ****
and his faults
and i just cant do it anymore
anyway
i dont even know how to begin to tell him
and i want to make sure i have all my ducks in a row before i tell him
he here is acting like nothing is going on
like he didnt just spend the WHOLE night talking to other women and trying to met them. looking at naked pic and ****
he has 2 profiles on the xmeeting.com
and one on flirt hook up dot com
he created a new email and has emailed some
asking if they could get together
and maybe they can exchange phone numbers
this has been going on for a month
at first he was just looking
now he is emailling them
i have a key logger for an out of control 16 year old. i guess he forgot since she moved out
maybe he knows and wants me to know so that i will tell him it is over because he obviously doesnt have the balls to tell me
he doesnt want to change
or fix it
just these last 3 months have proven that. i have talked and talked and talked to him
asked him what is wrong
what does he want me to do
what am i doing wrong
what else can i do to show him i lvoe him
he doesnt care
i am convenient
and it is not like i am looking for this ****
i havent tracked him with my tracker for over a year
but of course he still says i am
i havent followed or gone looking for him in a year
but he still thinks i do
guilty concious
anyhow, i am a little scared
i dont want to be divorced
i dont know what i am going to do in the future
hell i dont even know how to get started or what to do to get a divorce
i really wish he would put as much effort into our marriage as he is with these dating sites and strange women
mom says to wait a few more years
but i just cant take it anymore
i even tried changing myself
to look younger
lose weight and i have lost alot but my belly just will not flatten no matter what i do
5 kids 8 pregnacies does that to a body i guess
hell idk anymore
i feel scared and lost


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

anybody have any advise on how to proceed? how or do i talk to him? tell him? how do i go about this?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Double posting your questions it's against the forum rules.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

i do not know what you mean by double posting my questions. but i apologize.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

MrsVain said:


> i do not know what you mean by double posting my questions. but i apologize.


Thanks, Ok. 
It means having the same tread in two different sections. It can get very confusing for everyone. 

Considering Divorce or Separation is a section.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

oh, i just figured there were 2 types of people on each section and wanted to get an opinion and maybe some advise from people who are divorced or getting a divorce.

i am confused, disoriented and shell shocked right now.


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## Very Sad (Mar 31, 2013)

He's looking at dating sites? You're done. Get out now. That's pure, blatant disrespect, a slap in the face.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

well i went to the lawyer. 3400 to file. i will get 750 per month child support 250 spousal support.

i am waiting for him come home to kick him out of the house. to confront him on his dating sites and his emailling women asking to hook up.

this morning we had sex. i went into kitchen where he was in a wife beater and no underwear. he didnt even look at me until i talked to him. and then when he finally did i walked away and turned back to see if he was looking. he wasnt. he might have looked all of 2 sec at my sexy ass.

20 minutes later he was online checking his new email for any responsed and looking at naked pictures of the women on the dating site

that it is.... i am done

scared as h*ll, nervous as f*ck, he is late coming home. every time i hear a truck like his my heart is pounding. i will lose my house, but i will have my kids. this is not what i wanted but he has left me zero options. plus i am sure he will find a way to twist it to be my fault somehow.

wish me luck.....


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

So his excuse was. he knew i had the keylogger and that he knew i was seeing it and he did it so that "i would snap" of course he did not have anything to say when i confronted with the new email and that he had actually sent emails to these women. asking to met with him and exchange phone numbers. 

he also had nothing to say when i confronted him about not looking at me this morning and 20 minutes later after having sex with me he was looking at naked women on those sites.

he took some clothes and left. now i feel empty, lost and so many good memories are rolling around in my head.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MrsVain said:


> So his excuse was. he knew i had the keylogger and that he knew i was seeing it and he did it so that "i would snap" of course he did not have anything to say when i confronted with the new email and that he had actually sent emails to these women. asking to met with him and exchange phone numbers.
> 
> he also had nothing to say when i confronted him about not looking at me this morning and 20 minutes later after having sex with me he was looking at naked women on those sites.
> 
> he took some clothes and left. now i feel empty, lost and so many good memories are rolling around in my head.


Do you have friends and family who you can call and talk to? You need support. 

About the good memories... I'm sorry but it's gone. He's moving on to whatever it is he's after. This is going to be hard. But it will get better and you have a chance now to not be hurt by him any further.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

i wish i had seen this earlier. i wish i had kept up with this site. i wish i had listened to all of you. but stubbornly i did not and still dealing with his crap. so i come crawling back to this site and hope for some answers. 

everyone is pretty much in agreement that he treats me badly and i shouldnt put up with it. i just found out that i am codependent. a shock to me and trying to deal with it. it just snuck up on me. i thought i was in love with him, i thought i was trying to save my marriage, i thought i was doing the right thing for my children, and my life. 

i was wrong


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## Almost There (Oct 23, 2013)

Everyone makes mistakes. They're in the past; learn from them, but don't beat yourself up over them. Easier said than done, I know!, but do try. 

That being said.. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. It will be hard for a while, but it WILL get easier, and you will be SO MUCH HAPPIER without him dragging you down.

Listen to your lawyer - follow his/her advice. My mom is a family law attorney and you'd be amazed at how many bad situations people could've avoided if they'd just listen to her the first time, lol.

Be strong! This too shall pass!!


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

thank you i appreciate that. please see my other posts.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Get out. Sounds as if he hardly knows what his life is about. Five children and he wastes money you need to scrape by?

Put him in his place. If by some chance, divorce educates him, you can remarry. He probably does care what becomes of his kids, you or himself.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

LongWalk thank you for your post. I know what you are saying and I have the divorce papers. still have to go to a training session for it then get them notarized. I know he is not going to make this easy and we will part of good terms. so I am waiting for a better time. for the kids. for myself. I already messed up by taking him back after this. and yep.....you know it got worse. right now is not good but it is not like I am expecting him to change. he will do something again soon.he is weak. and I have given him all the chances I am going to give.


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