# My husband hates my daughter



## PurplePolar715

My husband does not enjoy our 4 kids. We've been married almost 20 years. I was so happy when we met because he was excited to be part of my children's lives (9/6 at the time). But once we were married and all living together I realized his expectations weren't realistic (no talking at the dinner table/ wanting a quiet house). He had an abusive childhood so I cut him some slack because he never really knew what a loving home-life was. Fast forward to present day and another 2 kids (17/14) and nothing has changed, I feel like it's gotten worse. He seems to enjoy finding ways to make them miserable. He talks AT them, not TO them. Over the years I've taken on the role of protector and run interference which he says I'm taking their side. Ah, yea...they're kids. The oldest got married last year in a tiny ceremony with just the 2 of them and then we had a reception later. I was fine with it because my first thought was how I'd have to deal with my husband about all the plans. Even doing just the reception was stressful - he was a jerk about going (we weren't invited to the wedding so why should we). My oldest daughter has been staying with us for about 2 mo and is moving out this weekend. He's giving us a hard time for helping her - calling us suckers. We didn't ask him to help so why does he need to comment. Shes has been using my desk and computer in the evenings doing some work. My husband got all bent out of shape and told her she can't be in the office if he's in there. When I said she could because it was my stuff she was using he told me it was HIS office. To her credit she just got up and left. He seems to have a special hatred for her. NEVER say anything nice about her...well, rarely anyone. I am left feeling resentful and thinking my life would be easier without him. When it's just the two of us we're OK but I'm thinking what lifes going to be like with other life moments happen that I want to be excited for and I know he'll suck the joy out of (marriages/grandkids). Talking doesn't help. I've even written him a note but nothings changed. Am I doomed to Edith to this Archie?


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## EleGirl

How old are all of the children now.

Do you have a job outside the home? Or are you a stay at home mom/wife (SHAM)?

It's your home too? So why is the office HIS office and not both of your office?

I would definitely find it hard to deal with anyone treating my children like that and would not put up with it.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Why haven't you left? The kids are your priority and if he's not compatible with them then he should have been long gone. 

I would still leave now over this. You have many parenting years ahead of you with your children still and being with someone like that sends a horrible message to them and will ruin your relationship with them at some point


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## KevinZX

Sorry to hear about your predicament, it sounds to me that maybe your husband has serious issues regarding his childhood, maybe he hasn't told you everything, has he sought professional help or does he not want the help and think he is fine, of course your family would disagree wholeheartedly. I doubt this situation will ever be rectified to your satisfaction is he is that stubborn and cold hearted, it might be time to call it a day with him.

Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## Yeswecan

KevinZX said:


> Sorry to hear about your predicament, it sounds to me that maybe your husband has serious issues regarding his childhood, maybe he hasn't told you everything, has he sought professional help or does he not want the help and think he is fine, of course your family would disagree wholeheartedly. I doubt this situation will ever be rectified to your satisfaction is he is that stubborn and cold hearted, it might be time to call it a day with him.
> 
> Love and Peace always
> 
> KevinZX



To expand on this, if his childhood was as bad as he states you can bet your H is acting has he was unknowing taught as a child. The now talking at the table probably came from his father/mother. Your H feels he turned out ok and so should your kids if treated the same as your H was as a child.


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## Magnesium

Unfortunately, you have subjected your children to many years of abuse instead of protecting them. I do not understand this at all. Why are you there? Because it was easier for YOU than leaving? Oy vey.


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## notmyrealname4

.


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## RandomDude

Magnesium said:


> Unfortunately, you have subjected your children to many years of abuse instead of protecting them. I do not understand this at all. Why are you there? Because it was easier for YOU than leaving? Oy vey.





SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I would still leave now over this. You have many parenting years ahead of you with your children still and being with someone like that sends a horrible message to them and will ruin your relationship with them at some point


Agreed, I was in this same position during my childhood, and never forgiven it. One regret was not tracking down my mother's ex and ripping his skin off.

If you neglect your children for your own needs there will be consequences especially for them. Do the right thing, don't tolerate your husband's behavior.


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## Bobby5000

Someone should post this in the infidelity section about why people have affairs. He seems like an a-hole and these relationships where one party gives 75% are very hard.


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## Diana7

Its hard to understand why you have allowed this man to be abusive towards your children all these years. Ok he may have had a bad childhood(and I know many excellent parents who did as well) but that is no excuse. Sadly they have had to deal with him for a long time already, but its not too late for you to protect them from now on. I am guessing that they dont have a good relationship with him and their home lives must be miserable, no wonder your daughter didn't want him at the wedding.


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## Bobby5000

Someone wrote, "My personal experience is that step-fathers never see their step-children as really belonging to them." As a stepparent, I disagree. I had my step children first, loved them and tried to treat them equally as did my parents. There are undoubtedly challenges which you undertake through love. My wife I am sure could not things that irritate her but worked together to love everyone and treat them equally.


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## Whattodo2

The probability is, yes you are Edith to his Archie. 

I know other people stated that he is this way toward the two children you had before you met him, but you stated when you opened your post that he has a problem with all 4. This leads me more towards believing that he either thinks that the abuse he suffered made him a better/stronger person or that he felt that his childhood is normal and nothing was wrong with the way his family treated him or how he treats his children. He probably even justifies his treatment of them in his own mind by comparing it to his treatment as a child, which further complicates the situation. If you pointed out your issues with his treatment of the kids and how it affects you on a personal level and he saw no reason to better himself or his treatment of your children then protect yourself and the kids and move on. There is no reason to subject your kids to this man you describe as being "Ok", especially when he won't even try to do better for his other half.


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## Diana7

Bobby5000 said:


> Someone wrote, "My personal experience is that step-fathers never see their step-children as really belonging to them." As a stepparent, I disagree. I had my step children first, loved them and tried to treat them equally as did my parents. There are undoubtedly challenges which you undertake through love. My wife I am sure could not things that irritate her but worked together to love everyone and treat them equally.


I agree with this. When I met and married my husband my three children were in their late teens and early 20's. They had little or no contact with their own dad, and he always treated them as his own right from the start. In fact he is closer to them that his own 2 sons now. He said that when he married me he also knew that he was taking on my children as well who had been very hurt by their own dad.


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## bencoll

20 years together and you just realize your husband hates your daughter? >_< Sorry to say but if he is that kind of a person, then just leave him!


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