# New wife wants my credit card



## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

Long story short; I did 9 years in the Marine Corps, I got out and now do security overseas. I got divorced last year, after buying the perfect life. Big house, nice car, plenty of toys for the kids and grown-ups. When I was overseas working my EX said whe was filing and gave me two options. Let her have the house, cars, toys, etc....or she would set child support at what I was making overseas (would have been about 2000 per child, we have 2) So, I had to quit my job to come home to fight the divorce. I lost everything. I spent 9 years building a perfect life with my EX wife for our kids and she took it all. I got to keep my military uniforms, my military manuals and a picture of both of my kids.


NOW!!! I just got married again, got back into some good money, and my wife wants access to the bank accounts and credit cards. How do I tell her that it aint going to happen. When I met her I was VERY down on my luck and broke financially, I never told her about what kind of work I do. She about laid a golden egg when we went to file last years taxes and she saw the "NET INCOME" from the previous year. How do I tell her that Im not going to share ALL of my money, but I dont want to make it seem like Im controlling her by putting her on an allowance either. How can I be open with her, but keep some of it for my own intrests, Im not willing to lose everything again.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Your having majors issues with your wife. I think it's very smart not to give her access until its all straightened out. 

I never demanded credit cards from my husband. I'm not a spender and I prefer to save our money for retirement. I'd be questioning her motives wanting access to all your funding. 

Don't do it. Protect yourself!

Edit to add... She can apply for her own credit cards. My first marriage was bad. We had separate accounts. Somehow my ex stole my credit card and maxed it. After I left him he pulled identity theft and ruined my credit for 7 years. He laughed in my face for years over this.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Your having majors issues with your wife. I think it's very smart not to give her access until its all straightened out.
> 
> I never demanded credit cards from my husband. I'm not a spender and I prefer to save our money for retirement. I'd be questioning her motives wanting access to all your funding.
> 
> ...


It's always nice to hear more of the story, because my gut reaction to the OP was that he should work on his own insecurities about money  

OP -- if you're having other issues in your M, I would agree with this.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

It was in another post. His wife had an EA/PA affair on him.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

With that kind of history, I probably would have explained the past and had her sign a prenup. I'm not a lawyer, but you might see if you could still get an agreement signed. It kinda reeks of lack of trust and she might not be happy about suffering the consequences of your ex's actions. But if you are that concerned, then get it all out in the open now.

But I'm curious, how/why she married you without knowing what you did for a living? I don't really understand a relationship that doesn't include that type of basic information.

P.S. - great job rebuilding. Tough to do.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

How is she supposed to pay for things?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> How is she supposed to pay for things?


I'm sure he pays the bills and he gives her an allowance. He's drawing the line at giving her free access to the money with good reason.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

This is same wife that has cheated and currently maybe carrying the other mans child, and even having him living in your house current while you are overseas?

That wife wants full access to your money?

You should be separating your finances, not merging them.

You should be filing for D, not worrying about making her angry.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I'm sure he pays the bills and he gives her an allowance. He's drawing the line at giving her free access to the money with good reason.


I agree. I can't believe how badly I was burned in my first marriage. I went into it debt free, several thousand saved and 1 credit card never used. My ex took my credit card maxed in one day, left me with the bill, spent my savings too. After I left him he took out another credit card in my name, maxed that too. I was instantly 15,000 in debt. Being a single parent is impossible to get out. I let the identity theft one go, I could not fight it. I paid for my other one in full. At the divorce, he was well over 40k in debt with credit cards and luckily for me I did not have to pay 1/2 his debt. I took over mine(the 5,000) and took that as a life lesson learned.

Some people are very bad handling money. I'm not one of them. My credit is now restored and in excellent standing.


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> This is same wife that has cheated and currently maybe carrying the other mans child, and even having him living in your house current while you are overseas?
> 
> That wife wants full access to your money?
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I never knew about all this when I posted. Sorry about that and Shaggy is completely right. Eww.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> You should be filing for D, not worrying about making her angry.


This is excellent advice!


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## nazzan (Aug 20, 2012)

Does you wife know about your history? If she does then I don't see any reason why she wouldn't understand where you are coming from on the subject.....


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Simple. Tell her no. See how much she loves you after that........


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Twofaces said:


> Simple. Tell her no. See how much she loves you after that........


Agree. This sounds like a good time to ask her about what she sees as your respective roles in the marriage / her life.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> How is she supposed to pay for things?


Its not like I never give her the ability to take care of herself. I do pay the bills, but she does not have full access to my accounts. I usually ask her how much money she needs (for her bills) then give her double that much so she can pay her bills and do whatever with the rest. BUT, like one of the posters said, she had an EA/PA, so now do I limit the amount she gets to around what she says she needs, I dont want to find out Im funding an ongoing affair, until I can trust her/divorce her.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'd still say no way now how! The bills are paid with extra cash in hand. That is plenty. My husband and I do not use credit cards. If we do not have the cash for it, we simply leave it alone and do not buy it. I myself pay the all bills online. He gives me cash to hang on to, but it ALWAYS ends up back in his hands when he needs it for himself or the kids. It's worked out well this way.

We don't go out of our way to buy nice things. When I need something like a new set of clothes, he takes me shopping himself. I can not walk far and I need a wheelchair to get around the stores. Since I'm physically disabled, he does all the shopping around here. I stick with the house work and planning of events. We work as a team. We are very content what we have.

My husband also served his time. He had his honorable discharge sometime in his mid 30's. . I'm very proud of what he had accomplished.

Heck, I'd be happy living in a tent with him if that's all we had.


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## confused25 (Aug 23, 2012)

Instead of a credit card, why dont you give her a debit card and tell her youll put money in for expenses and "toys" as you can afford. Or give her a card with a small credit limit like 500.


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## heartsdelight (Apr 2, 2012)

Does she work?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Okay, someone direct me to the OP, because I'm confused as hell here.

So his first wife took him for all he had...

And his new second wife had an EA/PA while he was overseas working...

If I have that right, I'd be less worried about finances and more worried about your inability to pick a woman!

EA/PA, no friggin way would I give her access to all my funds, if she has a problem with that - then she can get a job or leave. 

I really would like to read the OP to get the entire story though.

But if what I'm reading is true, you need to get out of this marriage too and stay single for a while.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Ok, I read the other post...NO BUT HELL NO BUT HELL NO.

You cannot trust this woman, she has already admittedly lied and cheated on you and possibly may be carrying another man's child.

I don't even understand why in the world she is still in your house? 

I'd set her up with her own apartment, take care of things until the baby comes, demand a paternity test, if it's yours, go to court, get visitation, etc., and dump her ass. If it's not yours, dump her ass.

Either way...you need to dump her ass or you'll be starting over again.

You need to also see a counselor to find out WHY you keep picking these winners--apparently "your type" is not really your type.


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## Reformed_A_hole (Aug 21, 2012)

I suggest you give your wfie her own card but with a limit of say $1,000.00. In time, set up a joint account allowing her access. If she proves that she can be responsible with this kind of access, then possibly later on she can have access to your main accounts. Also, make sure that she understands the concept of "budget." Once the monthly limit is exceeded, then there is no more spending until next month.


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