# Am I inconsiderate



## Floridaman97 (10 mo ago)

My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years. We definitely love eachother, but definitely have our moments. As every couple does. I want an outside opinion on this recent tiff we've had:

I work at an airport, and was going to meet my coworker at a plane to do some maintenance on it, but the plane was at the other end of the field. In order to get to it we have to go through a security gate. I met my coworker at the security gate, and rather than take both our vehicles through, I offered him to hop in with me for the minute long drive to the plane. We go to the plane, work on it, and leave. I think nothing of it. 

Later that night, while recounting the days activities to my wife, I tell her the above story. She then gets upset that I not only let my coworker into the vehicle with me, but that I offered it. She said that that's her seat, and she should have a say who sits there, no matter the situation. She said I should have let her know I was going to let my coworker in the vehicle. 

Now I would understand the upsetness if my coworker was a female. Or even if the drive was going to be a long one. But neither is true. It was a minute long drive, with a male coworker old enough to be my grandpa. I argued that I would have no issue with her making the same decision I did. Even if she was making the drive with a male coworker I wouldn't have any issue yet. Am I in the wrong? Was I inconsiderate?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Floridaman97 said:


> She then gets upset that I not only let my coworker into the vehicle with me, but that I offered it. She said that that's her seat, and she should have a say who sits there, no matter the situation.


Ummm, WHAT? That is like calling permanent shotgun even if you aren't in the car?

I've never heard of ANYONE ever thinking like this, UNLESS it is a very rare, expensive, or classic auto. I know some guys who are finicky about that, but NOT sitting it it -- allowing someone else to drive it.

I'm honestly at a loss to think WHY she would feel like this about the passenger sear of a car. Maybe she has an inordinate fear of COVID and was worried that someone else would spread it into the car? If so, go hose the thing down with Lysol spray.

Just doesn't make sense to me.

I would NOT just attack her about it. Try to get her to explain WHY she feels like that. It just sounds irrational to me.
Of course others may come on this thread and have better explanations.....


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Floridaman97 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years. We definitely love eachother, but definitely have our moments. As every couple does. I want an outside opinion on this recent tiff we've had:
> 
> I work at an airport, and was going to meet my coworker at a plane to do some maintenance on it, but the plane was at the other end of the field. In order to get to it we have to go through a security gate. I met my coworker at the security gate, and rather than take both our vehicles through, I offered him to hop in with me for the minute long drive to the plane. We go to the plane, work on it, and leave. I think nothing of it.
> 
> ...


I understand that crazy girls are better in bed. I vote we take our wins where we can get ‘em.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’ve heard some silly stuff here but that is really ridiculous.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Nope, you are not inconsiderate.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Wow and only two years in. I bet you can’t wait to see what it looks like at ten ☠

Your wife has lost her mind.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Nope, too damn hard.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Does your wife get upset if you get more sweets than her when you go trick or treating on Halloween?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I’d hate to see what happens when you leave the toilet seat up.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She's batshit crazy.

This must shine through in other parts of the relationship, it can't be an isolated event.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Unfortunately the thing about boundaries is that she has hers, and you crossed one. Unreasonable as it is, it’s still her boundary.

You‘re not being inconsiderate and yes she is weird,
But society doesn’t get to set the rules of your marriage, you guys do.

Any stupid boundaries, like the passenger seat thing, she doesn’t get to be upset right away if you cross one. It’s way outside the bounds of what a normal relationship boundary would be and there’s zero expectation that you should have known about it. So unless it’s properly communicated first, she doesn’t get to beat you up about it.

I would recommend standing your ground here and telling her it’s nuts. What do they call these? A crap test? How much crap will you put up with? Tell her to change it. “No women in your seat” is more reasonable like you said. Settle on that as practical boundary.

You don’t want to look back 5 years from now and find yourself in a position of a doormat husband who will put up with anything. This particular issue seems really really petty. So draw a line now and take the fallout.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

WTF?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

did this coworker have a particularly stinky butt?

i am groping for answers here....


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Unless he left drugs in the car or something and that annoyed her I can't think of a logical reason why that would upset her. Are you bisexual? If not I am at a total loss. Talk to her about it and see if she will open up a little more when she is calm.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sounds totally bizarre.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Floridaman97 said:


> _*Later that night, while recounting the days activities to my wife, I tell her the above story. She then gets upset that I not only let my coworker into the vehicle with me, but that I offered it. She said that that's her seat, and she should have a say who sits there, no matter the situation. She said I should have let her know I was going to let my coworker in the vehicle.*_



For the love of all that's holy, STOP defending yourself against this *nonsense*. To a normal person, this isn't even a THOUGHT, much less an issue or a point of contention like it is for your wife. She's got a screw loose.

Send her off to a shrink because she's not normal.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

is she perhaps deathly afraid of catching covid, and does not want any strangers in the car to "contaminate" it with the virus?

people do some really weird things related to covid fear!

in any event, just do what you want with your car, and do not tell her about it. problem solved


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Is your wife an extreme germaphobe? If so I could see how she wouldn't want someone contaminating her space. 

Other than that I would label her odd or some sort of control freak.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Well I guess now y’all just have to go everywhere in her vehicle. I do what I want with my vehicle and my husband does the same with his. (Unless it involves spending lots of $$$ that we normally would discuss). If one of us feels like being a pig and throw fast food bags all over the passenger seat… then so be it. Other one doesn’t like it, then don’t ride in the car. Not saying we regularly trash our vehicles or don’t take care of them. However, mine is mine and his is his. We’re adults. We can handle our own stuff.


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## Floridaman97 (10 mo ago)

I don't like "Germaphobe" but she is like that. I guess that could be a part of it. It just seems very excessive to me. I love her. I guess I need to reevaluate what her boundaries might be compared to mine.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Floridaman97 said:


> I don't like "Germaphobe" but she is like that. I guess that could be a part of it. It just seems very excessive to me. I love her. I guess I need to reevaluate what her boundaries might be compared to mine.


Just don’t let her push you around. Many men have come here after years of this kind of crap and wondering why their wives don’t respect them.

Gently stand up and lead your marriage. Help your wife handle fears, certainly, but dont be ok with nonsense.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

the may have OCD too. as in people who have to wash their hands one hundred times a day....

you may not have noticed it as it just started up?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Floridaman97 said:


> I guess I need to reevaluate what her boundaries might be compared to mine.


What you need to re-evaluate is if you'd have the balls to stand up to her. My crystal 🔮 ball tells me that if you don't, as soon as the first brat is born, your balls will be found somewhere deep in her purse.

Dude, do not let this pass, if you do, mind as well start singing in falsetto.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

When the OP was “Florida man” I knew this would be a doozy but I didn’t expect this.

OP your wife’s behavior is extremely abnormal.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Maybe what you could do is gradually introduce her to the idea of someone else sitting there.

Start with her best friend. Have that person look like they’re going to sit down but just before they do, pull back such that the butt doesn’t touch. Hover for a second, and then stand up.

That is 1 rep.

Start with 3 times a week, do a pyramid like this:

1 rep, 2, 3, 5, 3, 2, then on the last one have the friend actually sit for 5 seconds. After that rep spray the seat down with automotive upholstery cleaner/protector and if needed use a steam cleaner (cloth seats).

Each day gradually increase the time in the seat. When you reach 1 minute have your wife sit in it immediately after cleaning.

If she is unable to, run the pyramid on her until she is able to sit in it. Next step is to drop the cleaning, switch to something like a Lysol wipe and repeat the whole process.

When that is complete try dropping the Lysol wipe.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> Maybe what you could do is gradually introduce her to the idea of someone else sitting there.
> 
> Start with her best friend. Have that person look like they’re going to sit down but just before they do, pull back such that the butt doesn’t touch. Hover for a second, and then stand up.
> 
> ...


That's giving credibilty and concession to her nuttyness. 

Don't feed into their unreasonableness. This is when you say, "I am sorry you feel that way." And then you go on about your business.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> That's giving credibilty and concession to her nuttyness.
> 
> Don't feed into their unreasonableness. This is when you say, "I am sorry you feel that way." And then you go on about your business.


It was a joke.

Next step would be to run the same pyramid but with a random person from the Home Depot parking lot.

If the post is serious she needs professional treatment.


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## Chaotic_Aquarian (Feb 8, 2021)

Sounds to me like it's a control thing. Is she controlling in other areas?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Floridaman97 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years. We definitely love eachother, but definitely have our moments. As every couple does. I want an outside opinion on this recent tiff we've had:
> 
> I work at an airport, and was going to meet my coworker at a plane to do some maintenance on it, but the plane was at the other end of the field. In order to get to it we have to go through a security gate. I met my coworker at the security gate, and rather than take both our vehicles through, I offered him to hop in with me for the minute long drive to the plane. We go to the plane, work on it, and leave. I think nothing of it.
> 
> ...


She sounds germaphobic or like she's just trying to pick a fight and I'm not sure which. This is definitely not anything anyone else would have an issue with since the coworker isn't even female which would be the only possible peg on which to hang your hat while making this unreasonable complaint.

Is she germophobic?? Could it be covid related?

You're going to have to set your foot down on this.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Floridaman97 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years. We definitely love eachother, but definitely have our moments. As every couple does. I want an outside opinion on this recent tiff we've had:
> 
> I work at an airport, and was going to meet my coworker at a plane to do some maintenance on it, but the plane was at the other end of the field. In order to get to it we have to go through a security gate. I met my coworker at the security gate, and rather than take both our vehicles through, I offered him to hop in with me for the minute long drive to the plane. We go to the plane, work on it, and leave. I think nothing of it.
> 
> ...


WTF? Is your wife Sheldon Cooper, "That's my spot". She sounds insane.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

I used to look forward to the daily paper - then TV news broadcasts on Cable came - but I still got the paper for local stuff and liked a bit of humor found in the comic page.

Now I can come to TAM for an occasional laugh or "eyebrow raiser"

Jeez -


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Does the guy have a history of shatting front seats ?

Outside of you and your lovely spousing unit do you comprehend how this sounds to the remaining human population?


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

This is one of the more bizarre reasons for someone to be upset I have seen on here.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You gonna be dead meat if you don’t roll the toothpaste tube up from the bottom.


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## Asterix (May 16, 2021)

I think she just want to stir up some drama. I think she like the way you become when she stir up some drama. 

Have you heard of the 180 yet?


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's not really what she's upset about. Find out what's really bugging her or find out if she has had some sort of breakdown.



jlg07 said:


> That is like calling permanent shotgun even if you aren't in the car?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nup, I've got nothing.

Da faq did I just read?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

This is as crazy as it gets, your wife is a lunatic for getting upset about this. 

Is it her vehicle or yours?

There is no reasoning with something like this.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

ABHale said:


> This is as crazy as it gets, your wife is a lunatic for getting upset about this.
> 
> Is it her vehicle or yours?
> 
> There is no reasoning with something like this.


Doesn't matter, that's her spot.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Floridaman97 said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years. We definitely love eachother, but definitely have our moments. As every couple does. I want an outside opinion on this recent tiff we've had:
> 
> I work at an airport, and was going to meet my coworker at a plane to do some maintenance on it, but the plane was at the other end of the field. In order to get to it we have to go through a security gate. I met my coworker at the security gate, and rather than take both our vehicles through, I offered him to hop in with me for the minute long drive to the plane. We go to the plane, work on it, and leave. I think nothing of it.
> 
> ...


Wow. No, that's a bit strange, from a W.

What in the world?


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Your wife is crazy to think this and you're wondering if what you did is wrong??

Buy a blow up doll and put it in the front passenger seat. Take a picture of it. Text the picture to your wife and ask her, "hope you don't mind that Jasmine is sitting in your seat"?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

sideways said:


> Your wife is crazy to think this and you're wondering if what you did is wrong??
> 
> Buy a blow up doll and put it in the front passenger seat. Take a picture of it. Text the picture to your wife and ask her, "hope you don't mind that Jasmine is sitting in your seat"?


I am in favor of this plan. "That's my seat" is some galactic level crazy.


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