# Newlywed Trouble Help



## Happilyeverafter20 (Dec 30, 2021)

Hello, my husband and I have been married 7 months now, I should mention we ONLY really talked on the phone for 3 months before we decided to tie the knot. He lived out of state and we seemed to have all morals and beliefs in line with each other. Fast forward the first month was a dream I was so happy it ended quickly. He started requesting “alone time” we are renting a large home with extra rooms he started going in a spare room for a few hours at first which seemed odd to me but I wanted to respect his wishes then it begun being longer periods of time. We didn’t have sex for 3 months after this started then all of sudden we had sex and it was great but the isolation didn’t stop and a few nights he didn’t come to bed. At first I would cry and knock ask him to come spend time with me and he would fet angry and annoyed and says he need time to “wind down” to get ready for bed. After months of this I got curious and looked through his phone and found porn and dating sites. I confronted him about it he denied everything and said I was crazy he then went on to “punish me” but not speaking to me and throwing out the D word and saying he made a mistake in marrying someone like me. After about two days of not speaking to me. He approached me basically blaming me for upsetting him and he said he would spend more time with me I have yet to see that happen. Currently I have “let him be” and try to control myself and not go ask him to bed and ignore his tantrums. He seems to have noticed my disinterested and has seemed more engaged in starting conversations and there has been a slight reduction in his isolation. He has been in there longer periods than at first (about 6-9 hours a day) basically I don’t see him much after work. He’s coming to bed at 3-4am now and I can’t sleep peacefully until he’s next to me. This morning I looked through his phone and found porn and dating sites again a lot more porn than before he seems to be out of control. Btw the few sexual encounters we’ve had recently he doesn’t finish he stops the act before he ejaculates and says “he’s tired” or “well finish later/tomorrow”.
Side note we are to move in a couple of weeks to another city and I didn’t find anything on him applying for a job in the new city. I tell him he needs to get on that he blows up and tells me “don’t tell me what to do” I don’t see divorce as an option he doesn’t either based on our beliefs. Should I plan the move without him or trying confronting him again?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am afraid you have married a man you barely know and he is cheating with his clear addiction to porn and going into dating sites. 
He has married you under false pretences(you thought he had strong moral values, he hasn't), and I would advise you to go for an annulment with how new the marriage is and how rare the sex is.
You life with this man will be miserable and lonely. He won't be a good role model for any children either. That's if you have any with sex being so rare and him not even finishing.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Happilyeverafter20 said:


> I don’t see divorce as an option he doesn’t either based on our beliefs.


If your beliefs allow you to marry someone you only talked on the phone to for 3 months then perhaps you should question some of those beliefs.

Most people will tell you that the first year is the best, things are new and fun. If this is the "best" imagine what happens when it gets worse. Divorce and then figure out why your best dating option was someone out of state.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

There's a possibility, however slim, that you just might know him quite as well as you think you do.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

was there a valid reason you rushed getting married to him? Is there a financial aspect? You had no place to live? 

others who come on here saying they were about to be married after only chatting with someone online for a few months get straightened out about that foolish idea right quickly here on TAM! at the least we would have suggested you two LIVE together unmarried for a while, to get to know each other.

well....i guess you NOW have to figure out who he really is, what he is doing when alone, and if you really want to stay married to him. 

god i really hope you are using birth control!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Why would you marry a make believe person on the other end of a phone line? That should be a big red flag that says a lot about both of you. Your “husband” is a complete loser and probably the reason he could only catch a “phone girl” to begin with. If your beliefs include marriage to phone people under false pretense and being miserable then you need to heavily reevaluate what you believe.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Happilyeverafter20 said:


> _*I don’t see divorce as an option he doesn’t either based on our beliefs. Should I plan the move without him or trying confronting him again?*_



Jeez.

So you *don't* see divorce as an option based on your 'beliefs.' What about the activities of Husband of the Year - constantly surfing porn and jerking off, and cruising dating sites to see what he might be able to hit on - are THOSE things considered 'ordained' practices by whatever entity you worship? Because if divorce isn't, I'm kind of doubting fishing for side action on dating sites isn't part of your belief system, either.

I guess it comes down to which "non-belief" benefits *you* better. That would be the DIVORCE one.

You just need to admit you made a collasal *mistake* when you married this creep and fix it instead of continually pretending that it's going to be alright - because it ISN'T. Stop deluding yourself, OP.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

What does your family think of him? The blowups and threats of divorce and the tantrums don’t bode well.

Think about it, not finding a job, not sleeping with you, cruising dating sites and then getting mad at you? He’s holding you ransom.

And he lied about who he was. I have a feeling he was more excited about marrying you and holding you down. Did he have strict parents? Was he mummy’s golden boy with a passive father?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sounds like some classic gamers and porn takes all my time and how dare you need time to yourself or sex.

The not finishing is a big clue that he's gotten so used to spanking to porn that only a firm grip and over the top visuals will get him off.

I'm sorry you got into this but really. Is this who you would have married had you known?

He isnt' the guy on the phone that was his game persona. He's this guy. He has no actual concern for you, he's selfish and a porn guy. Let him go. Divorce and use this as a lesson before marrying the next guy.

If you don't want to divorce cause you don't want to go home then don't. Save us some money and prepare yourself to be independent. Get a job, upgrade your skills and such.

If he's in there for so many hours does he even work?

If for some idiotic reason you still want to try this you first have to ask does he care? If you let him know this was a deal breaker would he quit. Sounds like he wouldn't. You can't fix something that's broken with him. This is a him problem not a you problem.


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## Happilyeverafter20 (Dec 30, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> What does your family think of him? The blowups and threats of divorce and the tantrums don’t bode well.
> 
> Think about it, not finding a job, not sleeping with you, cruising dating sites and then getting mad at you? He’s holding you ransom.
> 
> And he lied about who he was. I have a feeling he was more excited about marrying you and holding you down. Did he have strict parents? Was he mummy’s golden boy with a passive father?


My family isn’t too fond of him anymore he acts very loving with me in front of them, but he still seems very isolated or doesn’t want to go as visit as often as we would before. That’s the only good thing about him I can say he doesn’t miss a day at work ever even if he gets very little sleep.
From what I’ve learned about him he was very spoiled by his mom. I think his dad was not invested in him emotionally.


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## Chaotic_Aquarian (Feb 8, 2021)

Gonna be blunt here. I think you are using the "I/he doesn't believe in divorce" thing as an excuse for your non-existent self-esteem. You "can't sleep peacefully without him by your side" also sounds extremely needy. I agree with Diana, you need to file an annulment on this sham of a marriage. But you won't and neither will he because he sounds like a true POS. Do you work? I just can't fathom MARRYING someone after 3 months of phone contact only. PS-he's probably not finishing when you do have sex because he's scared to death he will knock you up. Ugh.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Your beliefs are your beliefs, but just because they are it doesn't mean that they are the truth or that they are right.

Case in point, it's obvious by the description of your new husband that he's not right in the head. He has to suffer from some type of mental disorder. If this is the case, and it seems that it is, do you think that just because you have some misguided sense of what's right within your belief system that it would be OK to knowingly procreate children with your husband and subject your potential children to the genetic lottery of inheritance of mental illness through your husband's genetic material?

Are you willing to do that to your possible progeny? Think about it.


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