# Thinking Straight?



## letitsnow22 (Mar 28, 2013)

So this is my first time doing any sort of thread online, but I am a bit lost. My story goes as such I have been married to an alcoholic for 10 years. About 7 years ago my husband made moves towards my sister while I was sleeping in the other room. He did not tell me, my sister did and I contemplated leaving at the time but did not. His was drinking at the time. I asked that he quit drinking, he did not. It took along time for my family to forgive him. Well them we had a son 4 years ago and the drinking continues, and in the past 2 years has gotten much worse. Well 2 months ago my husband said some questionable things to my sister again, and said that he is unhappy because all he wants is her. He denies this and said it was the alcohol talking. Well last straw and I left. I had been so unhappy for so long, because of the drinking and I could never get over the fact he tried to have sex with my sister, constant reminder as my sister and I are close. I realize I should have addressed things much more when it happended but was so devastated I didnt know what to do. Well now that I have left my husband he has quit drinking, is going to counciling and wants me back. But I dont want to go back I want a divorce. Am I wrong for not wanting to give him a 2nd chance? Life is 2 short, and I want to be happy.. I have met someone that I like since I left, it just kind of happened and has made me look at things differently. I had blamed myself for my husbands drinking and thoughts of my sister for so long, that I just cant go back. Am I crazy....


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

Just my opinion but when people say things when drinking its usually not that they make up new thoughts, it just turns our mental censoring device so we say things we are thinking but dont normally say.

Im glad to hear he has stopped drinking and is turning his live around, but is that a permanent change or is that just a short term thing in hopes of him winning you back and will start again once he has you back? Has he been sober for like a week or several months? 

You ask if you should give him a second chance. Is this really his second chance or his 4th, 5th, etc...? I would think the fact that you stayed with him after the first incident years ago would have been the second chance to redeem himself. He is only finally acting because you have pulled out the big guns and are threatening divorce.

I wouldnt get to focused on this other guy, while its nice to have the attention it sounds just like a typical rebound relationship. Also, im just going to be honest and say most (not all) guys that are dating a women who is married or isnt divorced arent looking for anything series, they are enjoying the benefits of a women who is seeking emotional and physical attention but once they are divorced that man will bolt as he never wanted the commitment.

So, are you crazy? no i dont think so, but i believe you have a few more things to think about before you go through with it. Sorry i couldnt help you decide but i hope it helps you make the best choice


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## Goldfinch (Jan 22, 2013)

I don't think you are crazy, it is not uncommon for people to blame themselves for others problems. I blamed myself for my husband's gambling, if I was a better wife, he wouldn't do it. But you know what? It's not true. We need to realize that we don't have that much power, and that the responsibility for their behaviors are theirs, not ours!


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