# What if I don't follow his driving directions?



## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

Has anyone else had to deal with this? 

Even though I drive all around the city and manage to find my way to places, when he's my passenger he can't stand it if I take a different route than he would. Or if I don't take his advice and end up on a dead end road and have to turn around.

Is there a way to calm your man down in this situation?


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## jjmacka (Feb 25, 2013)

Just ignore him or follow his directions or ask him to drive. I hate when my dad does this. He will give me directions while I am driving to my own house cause I think it makes him feel important.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

I always say "do you trust me?" I said it two or three times to my ex and he stopped giving me directions. Puts it all back on them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Put your right hand on his ****


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## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

Mr Used To Know said:


> Put your right hand on his ****


I have a feeling this technique would work!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Let him drive. I stopped driving with my wife in the car this year for this reason. She can do it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I've pulled the car over more than once and hopped in the back. If a passenger is so concerned about the route then they can drive. I'll surf on my ipad.


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## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> Pull the car over and make him drive. It's so much easier than listening to him the whole time.


My dilemma is that I'm the designated driver & he's the designated drunk. :-(


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## Lurking No More (Oct 20, 2012)

I would say "HEY this is my car you are welcome to walk see who gets there faster"


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

If he's drunk, park the car and refuse to move til he can control himself.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

OR...park the car,give him a good bj or hj,he'll pass out/fall asleep and then you can drive in peace.


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## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> OR...park the car,give him a good bj or hj,he'll pass out/fall asleep and then you can drive in peace.


I had not thought of any of these options!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

rainbow12 said:


> My dilemma is that I'm the designated driver & he's the designated drunk. :-(


Not really much you can do to control a drunks Mouth... Clearly you need to be in the drivers seat... I would imagine you have more issues than just his barking about driving directions.


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## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Not really much you can do to control a drunks Mouth... Clearly you need to be in the drivers seat... I would imagine you have more issues than just his barking about driving directions.


Good point. He chose to say that since I've stopped blindly following his directions instead of my own, that's the problem with our relationship.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

If he's REALLY drunk, do what I've done to some people. Move the steering wheel back and forth JUST ENOUGH to get the car rocking but not enough to where it's visible from the outside (like from a police officer).

He'll get sick to his stomach and shut up.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

We’ve had those conversations; My wife likes to do this, as well as complain about some “smell” or how I’m driving or .... The talks don’t work. 

If we have just left, first I give her the warning. If she can’t help herself and continues, I turn around, go back to the house, tell her get out and drive herself (sometimes cancelling the plans if needed). That’s sort of my “goto”.. Also works with rowdy kids. When Dad starts the u-turn, everyone gets quiet knowing they pushed a bit too far and ignored the warnings. 

Works to get her to consider me as well when she drives. She’s an aggressive driver that I am uncomfortable with. So, because she refused to stop tailing gating and whipping between cars... I stopped riding with her and drove separate. 

Goofy yes, but it gets the point across that it has come down to this; Refusing to be in a car with them unless they learn to respect you and your boundaries. And the boundary isn’t they can’t tell me how they’d do it, it’s the disrespectful manner of their approach that crosses the line.

After awhile, they just sort of have to adopt to you and find common ground. So, while my wife no longer tells me “I’m stupid” for my directions or not slipping over to the faster lane, she IS allowed to make polite suggestions that don’t bother me or disrespect who is driving the car. “I think Broadway is faster than ____” is ok. “The right lane seems to be moving faster.” is ok.. “Why the [email protected]# are you going down Broadway?!” or “Why the hell are you still in this lane!?” trying to make me defend my choices or insinuating that I'm stupid is not.


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## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

I really like the bit about boundaries and taking the chance that they won't agree or like my behaviors if they treat me with disrespect. At first I think it could be very inconvenient for me since we share a car.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

Drop him off at the bus depot...and he can take it from there. 
Mind you...my husband and I don't drink so I tell him that he's at the helm. 
ONe time I drove and forgot to put on the signal light to make a turn. He was in my face for three days after over this petty little mistake. 
So...I never drive if my h and I are going somewhere...it's not worth a migraine.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

rainbow12 said:


> My dilemma is that I'm the designated driver & he's the designated drunk. :-(


Threads like these completely avoid the real issue.

They could be about anything. This one happens to be about a guy who often drinks to the point of drunkeness, so wife becomes designated driver, and all she's complaining about is him bugging her about her choice of streets.

An asteroid just leveled my house, what color should I repaint the new bathroom?


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## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

totamm said:


> I always shake my head at these types of posts that completely avoid the real issue.
> 
> They could be about anything. This one happens to be about a guy who often drinks to the point of drunkeness, so wife becomes designated driver, and all she's complaining about is him bugging her about her choice of streets.
> 
> An asteroid just leveled my house, what color should I repaint the new bathroom?


I thought it would be interesting to isolate one issue that was used by him as an example of how I'm ruining our marriage - since we're going to therapy next week. So far, I've heard that I'm not the only one that experiences this, so it has been extremely useful.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't argue with drunks and I don't take driving instruction from them. My job is to drive, their's is to be drunk. Goofy crap comes out of a drunk's mouth (because they're drunk). Expect it, ignore it, laugh at it later. The down-side of being a designated driver is that you have to ride with a drunk. Pick up road-kill and you'll be subjected to obnoxious odors. Pick up a drunk, you have to listen to them run their mouth. At least if he's talking, he's not puking in your car. As a cop, I spend a fair share of my life driving drunks to jail. They all love to talk, they all think they are Socrates, Don Juan, and Rambo, all rolled into one. I turn up the radio and let them babble.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

rainbow12 said:


> I thought it would be interesting to isolate one issue that was used by him as an example of how I'm ruining our marriage - since we're going to therapy next week. So far, I've heard that I'm not the only one that experiences this, so it has been extremely useful.


I know nothing about your marriage other than what you've posted on this thread, and here's what I got.

- You've got marriage problems
- You are going to therapy
- You often go out with him and he gets too drunk to drive
- You posted this thread not for advice, but as an example of one issue that he states is ruining your marriage

Two questions come to mind.

Why go out with him if he's going to get drunk and there's going to be an argument over the driving? How about refusing to go out with him unless he first 1- agrees to limit the drinking to something less than being too drunk to drive and 2- agreeing beforehand that he will not question your driving ability including your choice of streets. That way the argument is avoided before it even starts? 

Why post this thread as a serious question requiring answers when you really just meant it to be an example of even greater issues in your marriage?


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## rainbow12 (Jun 18, 2012)

totamm said:


> Why post this thread as a serious question requiring answers when you really just meant it to be an example of even greater issues in your marriage?


I am getting to know the forum better, and found when I posed really serious questions with the full context I got very few responses. Much less than this thread. In fact, my marriage is hanging by a thread and issues like this (and many more like it) are my word against his and I'm so used to honoring his word over mine that I need reality checks.

Thank you all for the reality check.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

rainbow12 said:


> I am getting to know the forum better, and found when I posed really serious questions with the full context I got very few responses. Much less than this thread.


The secret to getting good responses is in the thread title.

You could have called this one "Should I give my husband a BJ while I'm driving the car?".

You probably couldn't keep up with all the posts.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

rainbow12 said:


> Has anyone else had to deal with this?
> 
> Even though I drive all around the city and manage to find my way to places, when he's my passenger he can't stand it if I take a different route than he would. Or if I don't take his advice and end up on a dead end road and have to turn around.
> 
> Is there a way to calm your man down in this situation?


When I'm behind the wheel of a car, I'm in charge - period. I don't tolerate 'back seat drivers,' and don't require directions unless I ask for them.

Unless you're continually ending up on dead end roads etc (which could prove irritating), your H needs to chill and leave the driving to you when you're behind the wheel.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Regga said:


> I always say "do you trust me?" I said it two or three times to my ex and he stopped giving me directions. Puts it all back on them!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol. I would pause.. and then say.. 'no' 

My wife scares me when she drives. There's a clear red light ahead and my natural instinct is to save gas and brakes by letting the car coast until its time to brake. I can feel the slight pull of the gas and I get worried she doesn't notice. So I say 'hey watch out, its red!' or 'Its red, you can slow down now.' hahaha she always says she knows and gets angry. Asks me if Id like to drive! I always say sure! Id love to. hehe

MAny years ago she got into the only accident we've had in our car. She was driving me to my college soccer practice and I was in the passenger seat picking at my leg (maybe a small scab or something). She kept telling me to stop and I told her to mind what she was doing and not worry about me.. sure enough she banged into the person in front of us while looking at me. lol. Ever since then I've never fully trusted her to stay focused on the road.


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