# Am I Wrong Or.........



## TiredHubby2791 (Aug 26, 2015)

So my wife and I are engaged in a horrible bout of fighting right now. She says I lied to her when I joined a gym and did not tell her. I said there was nothing to tell. I worked nights as a police officer and go by the 24 hour gym during my lunch break to knock out my routine. She thinks I am trying to look good for another woman. This of course is not true and is just her insecurity talking. I told her to relax, there is no one else and tried to put her at ease. She insist I quit going, and says because I didn't tell her, knew it would bother her, that I intentionally withheld and that is therefore the same as lying. 
Now, as soon as she asked me about it, I told her "yeah, I'm going by a gym at night during shift on break." I feel I did not withhold or lie, but my opinion may be based upon self preservation. 
So I ask, what are your opinions? Am I a liar or just falsely accused? Am I the same as a liar? Let me know and be honest. Thanks gang.


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## afab (Jul 28, 2015)

You have quite a few posts here. Your problems seem to mount up daily. Maybe its time to let go.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Before you joined the gym did you expect she would have a bad reaction to it? If so, yes you've been dishonest with her by failing to tell her. That is a lie of omission and it is a lie.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I'm a bit like you in that when it's not a big deal in my mind I do first and ask later, if at all, mostly just tell later. I think it might be considered lying if for some reason she didn't want you going to a gym and you knew that, did it anyway and didn't tell her until she asked you directly.

Honestly, it seems like a pretty over the top reaction. It's just a gym. Spouses are supposed to encourage each other to stay fit and healthy, not freak out that someone else might find their spouse attractive if they get fit. That's just idiocy.


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## TiredHubby2791 (Aug 26, 2015)

Thor, I know she is the jealous type, she is gorgeous so I'm unsure why she is jealous. It should be me that is jealous, it's just not in my nature. I didn't figure she would be bothered by it as long as it didn't cut into family time. I sure never expected this kind of reaction. I came home from court yesterday to find her sitting in the car with it running, in our garage, with the door closed. I mean WTH???? That is crazy...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

TiredHubby2791 said:


> Thor, I know she is the jealous type, she is gorgeous so I'm unsure why she is jealous. It should be me that is jealous, it's just not in my nature. I didn't figure she would be bothered by it as long as it didn't cut into family time. I sure never expected this kind of reaction. I came home from court yesterday to find her sitting in the car with it running, in our garage, with the door closed. I mean WTH???? That is crazy...


What?! That's more than crazy! There are some serious issues going on here!


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Get her to a doctor/psychiatrist asap. This is more than a jealous wife. There are serious mental instability issues here.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

You need the gym to work off all the donuts.

Fat cops can't chase down crooks.

Thus, you're completely justified going to the gym to work out. It's necessary for proper job performance.

Otherwise, your department may put you on the USAF equivalent of the "fat boy program".


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Myselff said:


> I dont think you are exactly a liar. But I cant say you are honest either. It would be ok if you have informed your wife, just to know, not to check on you. I can tell if you are a lier or not. You are something in the middle. I believe you know better from all of us in here if you are a liar or if you are honest. *Anyway, I dont think its a bad think to take care of you self and to want to be a good looking gay. *But I cant say either that the suspicions of your wife are irrational. You have to talk with her and explain to her. Thats all. Whatever we advise in here if you dont get by yourself that there might be something that you did wrong you will never fix it. The reason would be that you wouldn't even see and understand the problem and what you did wrong so that you could fix it in the future.


He never said he was gay .

I read your other thread and your wife sounds majorly depressed or possibly on drugs (again?). I vote for depressed. She needs help.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Perhaps redefining the issue might help, let's face it you are in a very stressful career, the way you should position this is that i can either take this stress home with me or i can release it at the gym constructively, what you are doing is shedding the built up tension that comes with the job and sparing her, thus helping your marriage.


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## TiredHubby2791 (Aug 26, 2015)

Thanks all. Some really good advice here. I'm not always a good communicator and I usually try to avoid conflict at home since I deal with and have to be confrontational in my job a lot at times. 
I appreciate the honest replies.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

TiredHubby2791 said:


> Thor, I know she is the jealous type, she is gorgeous so I'm unsure why she is jealous. It should be me that is jealous, it's just not in my nature. I didn't figure she would be bothered by it as long as it didn't cut into family time. I sure never expected this kind of reaction. I came home from court yesterday to find her sitting in the car with it running, in our garage, with the door closed. I mean WTH???? That is crazy...


Ok, so here's my perspective so you understand where I'm coming from. My wife has perpetrated many lies of omission, and many of those were about serious things. She was hiding things from me so as to get what she wanted despite knowing or suspecting I'd disagree with it.

Still I don't see you've done anything wrong here. You didn't suspect she'd be upset about it for any reason, and you didn't have an agreement to discuss that amount of money before spending it. So you didn't go behind her back in any way.

Nobody is probably more on edge on this topic right now than me, and I don't see you did anything wrong.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

She sounds like a real nut case. You did nothing wrong. Are you sure she's worth the drama?


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

TiredHubby2791 said:


> Thor, I know she is the jealous type, she is gorgeous so I'm unsure why she is jealous. It should be me that is jealous, it's just not in my nature. I didn't figure she would be bothered by it as long as it didn't cut into family time. I sure never expected this kind of reaction. *I came home from court yesterday to find her sitting in the car with it running, in our garage, with the door closed. I mean WTH???? That is crazy...*


*
*

So wait a minute you come from work yesterday to this scene and then you want people's opinion about whether your wife was wrong about being honked off because you joined a gym without your telling her?
And you're a cop? You don't recognize what this was?
Are you kidding me?
Your wife needs help. Pronto. And so do you. 
And the kind of help you guys need wont be found on this board.
Get her to a doc today.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

TiredHubby2791 said:


> Thor, I know she is the jealous type, she is gorgeous so I'm unsure why she is jealous. It should be me that is jealous, it's just not in my nature. I didn't figure she would be bothered by it as long as it didn't cut into family time. I sure never expected this kind of reaction. I came home from court yesterday to find her sitting in the car with it running, in our garage, with the door closed. I mean WTH???? That is crazy...


I think she had stage it for him. If she would wanted to kill herself, she can you his gun. That said, she comes as a controlling person with potential other underlining issues. What he did is nothing that can be called for such drama. This is her way to control him.
Seen this before.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

life_huppens said:


> I think she had stage it for him. If she would wanted to kill herself, she can you his gun. That said, she comes as a controlling person with potential other underlining issues. What he did is nothing that can be called for such drama. This is her way to control him.
> Seen this before.


I agree this seems the most likely.

The proper way to deal with it is to call 911 and have her taken to the psych ward for an attempted suicide. If she was really trying to kill herself she needs to professional help. If it was just an attempt at manipulation she needs to see he won't put up with it.

My guess is she has a serious personality disorder. Either way, depression or PD, she needs professional help.


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## Daniel2514 (Sep 9, 2015)

As long as you are not cheating on her, it's okay to say something maybe not true to avoid argument.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

From what you say, much about her is not normal or healthy.

She needs some type of professional help, likely more than just counseling.


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