# is your spouse your friend?



## lonelybeeber (May 4, 2012)

do you feel it is important to have your spouse be your friend too? because mine is not my friend? he feels more liek the person that i met once at a party and befreidned on facebook jsut so i cant look and comment at pictures.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

She 's the only real friend I have. Everyone else just acquaintances. Shes the one I want to get home to. I think about it all day. Shes the only one I want to share my dreams with my hopes and my fears with. She is my refuge from this world!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

She's my best friend.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

My husband is my best friend. He knows more about me than anyone in the world. I am closer to him than anyone else in my life. It's nice having a best friend for a spouse. :smthumbup:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

He is my best friend! I'm his best friend as well.


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## inferno2012 (May 3, 2012)

She is my best friend.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> She 's the only real friend I have. Everyone else just acquaintances. Shes the one I want to get home to. I think about it all day. Shes the only one I want to share my dreams with my hopes and my fears with. She is my refuge from this world!


You said it perfectly! I just need to replace "she" with "he". My husband is the person I want to spend time with and talk to more than anyone else....and we always have each other's backs.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband is not only my friend, he is the Best friend I have ever had...we became inseparable before we even kissed in our teens...my gf's use to get so mad at me cause I wanted to spend all my time with him, it has near remained this way for 30 yrs. I would choose my time with him over anyone in this world....and I know he feels the same. 

Even when searching for Wedding invitations, in the back of my mind, I wanted something with Friendship listed in it -because I always held that so dear to my heart. When I came upon this one.. I knew it was for us. 










We should be able to take every worry, ever fear, every Joy, every emotion to our spouses and feel comforted & accepted in their arms . If this is missing in your marraige... 

Was it there at one time.... before you married?

If so.... what has changed ? What has caused the slow divide in attention towards each other?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

My husband is not only my best friend but the most important person in my life.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

She's my best friend, my best buddy for fishing, hiking, and other things I like to do ... Pretty much the only person whose companionship I think I can't do without ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Oh yeah..


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

My wife is the best friend I've ever had, bar none (and I've had some great friends over the years).

OP I think it's kind of unhealthy to not be at least really great friends with your SO. To be honest you really should be best friends to have a really healthy marriage.

What do you think is getting between you two? Have you considered therapy? Every marriage can use a tune up now and then (from a book, talking frankly about big issues or therapy).


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## Browneyedgurl020610 (Apr 18, 2012)

My husband is my best friend. We are there for each other through everything. We have mutual respect, loyalty and love for one another. I am so happy to be married to my best friend. He is completely my soul mate.


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

My wife was my best friend, and that is what I am focusing on getting back right now. This is very important to both of us, to be best friends with each other.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Yes!!! My bestest friend in the world.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He is by far the best friend I have in this world. When I am at work I look forward to home time SO much. He's my refuge. If I could live in a cocoon with just him it would be bliss


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

He is my best friend.

If something interesting happens at work or somewhere else, the first person I think of talking to about it is him and vice versa. He's also the first person I'd go to if I had a problem, needed to vent about something. I think underlying every good marriage is a solid friendship between the spouses.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

My wife is my best freind. We are in this thing together.

This reminds me of this song -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1qxJPzjObI

---Lyrics---

You're in my heart, you're in my soul
You'll be my breath should i grow old
*You are my lover, you're my best friend*
You're in my soul

My love for you is immeasurable
My respect for you immense
You're ageless, timeless, lace and fineness
You're beauty and elegance

You're a rhapsody, a comedy
You're a symphony and a play
You're every love song ever written
But honey what do you see in me


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's my lover and my best friend. My confidant, my family.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yes it's very important imo. My spouse is my best friend,lover,soulmate, my everything... he's the one I will be spending the rest of my life with so why shouldn't he be all that and more?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I think for a relationship to work , your partner needs to be your best friend before being your best lover.

EDIT: This doesn't mean you have to be with your partner 24/7. 
But the time spent together should be quality time. Communication is a priority, I think.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

:iagree:


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

True text convo just this morning:


Me: No eval today. He (boss) just canceled on me. It's scheduled for Monday at noon.

Him: Whaaaaat!!! Really... u could have saved your outfit for monday and wore jeans.

Me: Lol!!! You know what you're right


I love that dude.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Used to be. But some time over the past 15 years she fell out of love with me. Problem is she didn't tell me. So the person I THOUGHT was my best friend is now almost a stranger. So, to answer your question, I live with someone I'm not even sure I LIKE any more.

You asked.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

my husband is my best friend, the one who makes me whole, my rock, my person, lover, love..all at once.

he is the one who i am loyal to. we have been joined at the hip since day 1...and continue to be so.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Oh yeah! My 'one and only'.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

NO shes my wife which is way better than a friend.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

She's very different than a "friend" to me.

My wife and I were best friends for six years before we became a couple, from age 15-21. We were so incredibly close as friends that when I started falling in love with her, it felt like betrayal to her. Eventually, after a couple years of me persevering, she began to recognize that her feelings for me were beyond those of friendship, and we got together.

But something happened. I always imagined it would be just like our friendship, with the element of romantic feelings and sexuality folded in. That didn't happen. My wife couldn't make the transition so, in some key ways, we started from scratch. We built something entirely new, and different, and now here we are, almost 12 years later, and our relationship really isn't a "friendship". For a very long time I was confused, and disheartened, because I wanted her to be my best friend again. But after awhile I accepted that we were something new, something totally different than what we were, and I came to enjoy and embrace the "new" us.

Our marriage is passionate. We are in love now more than ever. W rely VERY heavily on being "in love", and feeling those highs. My wife and I still get nervous around each other sometimes. We still sometimes feel a little shy, and apprehensive. The butterflies/take your breath away feeling, while not always consistent, is still there a lot for us and we relish that. We don't share a lot of mutual hobbies and interests that best friends would. There is still a certain "mystery" there for us, which isn't typical of friendship and companionship. If we go out on a date night, sometimes it feels like we've just started dating.

Yes we are honest and we are very close. Yes there are elements of friendship, but it's definitely more of a romantic relationship than a "friendship". We both are blessed with incredible, incredible friendships that serve important roles in our lives, so we don't rely on each other as the sole source of those needs. Friendship is a part of our relationship, of course, but not the largest part. It's definitely, above and beyond anything else, more of a true, blue, ongoing romance.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

My wife is...
My partner in crime,
My greatest friend,
My greatest companion,
My greatest rival at times,
But when it comes down to it...
We stand back to back to take on anyone... I protect her as she protects me....


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

WadeWilson said:


> My wife is...
> My partner in crime,
> My greatest friend,
> My greatest companion,
> ...


Yes. This is greatness. The way it should be IMO.

Two people can complement each other and be supportive in a way that is greater than the sum of their parts.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

A friend of mine shared this on facebook today. I thought of this thread when I saw it. It describes me.


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## lonelybeeber (May 4, 2012)

i wish my husband was my friend like all fo you say. i dont know how to get him to be my friend. he is never there to listen to me. he falsl asleep when i talk to him, or findssomething else like playing with a cat or a commercial to laugh at more important. he never wants to spend time with me. his idea of showing me he loves me is pinching my boob, or slapping my bottom. i tel lhim what will make me happy, and he believes he doesnt have to do them because we are married, and to him married means you have to love them no matter what so why try to make anything good. does anybody have any advice to how i can try to get him to realize he isnt my friend?


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## lonelybeeber (May 4, 2012)

MrK said:


> Used to be. But some time over the past 15 years she fell out of love with me. Problem is she didn't tell me. So the person I THOUGHT was my best friend is now almost a stranger. So, to answer your question, I live with someone I'm not even sure I LIKE any more.
> 
> You asked.


i have been with him for 3 years and married for 1.5. it feels like it hasbeen forever becasue it is dragging and i am so bored. i dont think i can handle 15 or more of this


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

My fiance is not only my best friend, but the love of my life!!


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

My wife is absolutely my best friend. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend time with in this world. Don't know if that makes me blessed or pathetic but this is the way it is.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

sandc said:


> My wife is absolutely my best friend. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend time with in this world. Don't know if that makes me blessed or pathetic but this is the way it is.


You are blessed if she feels the same, she is blessed becaues you feel this way so deeply........ but if she doesn't, it is very disheartening....I would never call the way you feel "pathetic".


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## Davi (Apr 20, 2012)

Yeah...its important...If your spouse is not your friend then there is no meaning of that relationship. Friend is a man, with whom you can spend your entire life.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

My husband and I started out as friends, and were strictly platonic for a few years before dating. Back then he was the one I called when I needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to shop with. He's the one I share all my secrets with. Our friendship has only deepened as our relationship evolved from friends to spouses. Friendship is extremely important to me and I don't see how anyone can have a marriage without it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dadzanaiG (May 3, 2012)

Unfortunately not. I made the mistake of opening my heart and life to her. I told her everythign that has happened in my past and now that information is the ammunition she uses in our fights and arguments...so if your spouse is not your friend, ask yourself is there a prticular reason why? I, at the moment do not trust my spouse with any information and we can't be friends...friends trust each other. If spouses cannot be friends, it makes the relationship/marriage an uncomfortable place.

My 2cents


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## happymrs (May 1, 2012)

My husband refers to himself as my biggest fan, and constantly reminds me of that fact. I love that about him. 
There were times in our marriage when I would try to push him out the door to go hang out with other men, do the men things and such. He was never really that interested and I thought it odd many times. 
Now that our relationship has changed and strengthened its been wonderful for us to form friendships with other people as a couple putting only each other in the bff category. 
In fact this past weekend schedules didn't work out and we were forced to attend seperate obligations. The one that my husband went to was with folks that we always meet together, never apart, and it was strange to everyone in attendance for him to be there without me. That's just the way it is, very rarely do you see one of us without the other. 
I used to think it strange, like we might be suffocating one another by not having things to do seperate from each other, but I know now that for our relationship to continue to thrive, this is how it should be.


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

One of the biggest ways to make new friends is through shared interests. So ask yourself this, do you have shared interests with your husband? IF not i think this would be a good place to start.

For example, my fiance is a big fan of motorbike racing, me . . . not so much, however, i make an extra effort to share this with him. I watch it with him on TV I get involved in the rivalries between the riders (find out who his favourites are and why). I let him talk to me about it (nearly) endlessly. I also join him sometimes when he goes to watch. It is a great way to bond with him.

Do you do things like this with your H? What are his interests and hobbies?


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

I couldn't be with anyone who wasn't my best friend, and who didn't feel the same about me in return =)


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> You are blessed if she feels the same, she is blessed becaues you feel this way so deeply........ but if she doesn't, it is very disheartening....I would never call the way you feel "pathetic".


Then I am blessed. 

I meant pathetic that I don't have many friends outside of her. It's funny, the older I get, the more she's all I want and need to be around.


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## AFriend2011 (Mar 3, 2012)

Nopes....he is not....


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

AFriend2011 said:


> Nopes....he is not....



Do you think that's a negative?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

lonelybeeber said:


> i wish my husband was my friend like all fo you say. i dont know how to get him to be my friend. he is never there to listen to me. he falsl asleep when i talk to him, or findssomething else like playing with a cat or a commercial to laugh at more important. he never wants to spend time with me. his idea of showing me he loves me is pinching my boob, or slapping my bottom. i tel lhim what will make me happy, and he believes he doesnt have to do them because we are married, and to him married means you have to love them no matter what so why try to make anything good. does anybody have any advice to how i can try to get him to realize he isnt my friend?


You might want to open a brand new discussion topic to get answers. Sometimes a question like this, if asked in another thread, gets buried and people don't read it because they're too busy answering the original question in the first post. 

You two sound disconnected. You don't HAVE to love someone just because you're married to them. Love is an action. Spouses have to do things to keep the love alive. The love one feels can wither and die if there's emotional neglect from the other person.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

lonelybeeber said:


> i wish my husband was my friend like all fo you say. i dont know how to get him to be my friend. he is never there to listen to me. he falsl asleep when i talk to him, or findssomething else like playing with a cat or a commercial to laugh at more important. he never wants to spend time with me. his idea of showing me he loves me is pinching my boob, or slapping my bottom. i tel lhim what will make me happy, and he believes he doesnt have to do them because we are married, and to him married means you have to love them no matter what so why try to make anything good. does anybody have any advice to how i can try to get him to realize he isnt my friend?


Beeber, it's good you asked and that shows your ready to learn. A lot of young married people don't look to find ways to help themselves. Yes there is something you can do. You will have to work at it. Take the time to read and learn about what a good relationship looks like. Then give it a try. A start, if I may recommend, is a book called "The Five Love Languages". it has some simple tools, that may help you. There are others but that's a start. Good Luck


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## gav (Nov 13, 2011)

My wife is my best friend, period. And I think I'm hers.

We have other folks that we talk to and hang out with, mostly family members (brothers, sisters)

But at the end of the day, if we don't have that time together, we get squirrely.

I can't imagine being married to her and NOT being friends like that...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

He absolutely is my best friend. I lost sight of that for awhile, but I can honestly say that, even when we weren't communicating so well, we were always there for each other in ways no one else was. I share my secrets, my hopes, my fears...everything with him. If I feel insecure about something, I tell him. If I worry, I tell him. So, yes, he is my friend. He is my best friend. <3


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