# More than a Sex addiction...help



## TryingToForgetHim

I dated my husband 3 years before we finally tied the knot. Now being married for 7 years i recently found out he has same sex attractions. I discovered that he enjoys straight and homosexual porno, frequently visits strip clubs and sex shops and he has surfed online looking for male escorts. He said he has never acted out on these things but because he was molested by a female and male at a young age he has gender attraction confusion.

We have two beautiful kids and i would be lying if i said i dont love my husband but how does someone continue a relationship knowing this information? I am a christian and try to lean on my faith in every aspect of my life but i know this is not productive in allowing my marriage to be ministry. 

My kids constantly ask me where is daddy, being only 4yrs, and 6yrs old Ive made up things. It breaks my heart that im in this situation. It pains me because i cant deny my love for him but i also cannot pretend i now do not know the truth. My first mind told me to see what he wanted to do because i myself did not have any answers so i printed out divorce documents to see if he was telling me to rebuild our marriage or just telling me so we could dissolve THE marriage. He stated he cannot make a promise that he wont ever have these feelings and he doesnt want to hurt me anymore but him giving up hurts.

I have since filed for divorce and am in the 60 day waiting period. But inside im still torn. We dont talk he barely speaks to the kids, should i just walk away or ask him if he wants to try counseling? I just dont know what to do...


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## PFTGuy

I'm sorry for the pain and suffering that this situation is causing you. It must have been profoundly shocking to learn what you have learned and you must feel like the carpet has been pulled completely out from under your feet.

I'm speaking to you as a recovering sex addict myself. In the meetings I attend, there are many men who are working very hard to recover from their addictions and to save their marriages. I know it can be done, because I hear their stories.

No one can tell you what to do, and but I can offer two observations both as a Christian and as a recovering addict.

1. The trauma your husband experienced was not his fault, and childhood sexual abuse is very common and very damaging. He must be experiencing terrible shame, pain, and guilt at what is going on now.

2. As a Christian, I think I can say this: Nothing can separate us from Christ's love, nothing prevents anyone from being forgiven their past. If he is willing to make a genuine commitment to recovery and saving his marriage, I gently suggest you ask yourself in your heart if you are willing to offer him Christ's love and forgiveness.

I am always promoting a 12 step recovery program in this forum that has been a cornerstone for my recovery: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. It might be helpful to your husband. Counseling is probably needed for both of you, just to have professional support in negotiating the difficult journey ahead, whatever path you choose.

Wishing you peace and happiness.


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## Justaguy1

Porn Addiction is a funny thing. Like any other addiction you want more and more. What starts off as straight porn becomes not stimulating enough, so you find something more. Then again. It can easily lead a otherwise straight guy to discover the gay porn turns him on. He may or may not become curious. Still its an addiction. Look at it from that perspective and maybe you can find the answers your looking for. 
If your husband became a drug addict, who you not try to help? Sure you would, the question really is how much can you take.

If you truly want to inject religion into this, keep in mind that means dont judge. dont condem. 
Im throwing this website out again as in other posts you might see. I have no association. Just got a lot of help from it.
Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn


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## mineforever

TryingToForgetHim said:


> I dated my husband 3 years before we finally tied the knot. Now being married for 7 years i recently found out he has same sex attractions. I discovered that he enjoys straight and homosexual porno, frequently visits strip clubs and sex shops and he has surfed online looking for male escorts. He said he has never acted out on these things but because he was molested by a female and male at a young age he has gender attraction confusion.
> 
> We have two beautiful kids and i would be lying if i said i dont love my husband but how does someone continue a relationship knowing this information? I am a christian and try to lean on my faith in every aspect of my life but i know this is not productive in allowing my marriage to be ministry.
> 
> My kids constantly ask me where is daddy, being only 4yrs, and 6yrs old Ive made up things. It breaks my heart that im in this situation. It pains me because i cant deny my love for him but i also cannot pretend i now do not know the truth. My first mind told me to see what he wanted to do because i myself did not have any answers so i printed out divorce documents to see if he was telling me to rebuild our marriage or just telling me so we could dissolve THE marriage. He stated he cannot make a promise that he wont ever have these feelings and he doesnt want to hurt me anymore but him giving up hurts.
> 
> I have since filed for divorce and am in the 60 day waiting period. But inside im still torn. We dont talk he barely speaks to the kids, should i just walk away or ask him if he wants to try counseling? I just dont know what to do...


PM response sent.
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