# Quote: A man marries a woman hoping she will never change...



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

So the first time I heard this quote was on TAM. The whole quote is:

"A man marries a woman hoping she never changes. A woman marries a man looking to change him".

I have given this some thought and I am curious about what others think. 

A man wants his wife to stay the same. Same looks, same weight, same personality, etc. This is virtually impossible due to gravity, body changes after children, personality might change from normal life experiences, death, chaos, etc. 
A woman wants to change her husband. Be it the way he dresses, his weight, personality, etc. This is virtually impossible because the only person you can change is yourself. Very few men will change in the long term.

So my question is: Are we just setting ourselves up for failure? If this quote is the "hope" for marriage, doesn't that mean doom from the get go?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Read an article yesterday, it says that women are like wine, the older, the more attractive. 

Yes, our appearance can change, but if we take good care of us, we still look good at 40''s, we look elegant at 50's, we look dignified at 60's........................

Through out all these years, we have accumulated wisdom, we have accumulated skills, we become better at understanding, we become smarter at dealing with things, we take good care of our husbands, we look after our families, we smile when we talk, no matter how old we are, when we smile, we look great.........................

I am 38 this year, I am not worried about my appearance or my charm, I am more concerned for my health!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I changed drastically after being with my H for awhile. I was extremely independent and confident when i first met him but i gradually became more needy until i wouldnt even drive to the store on my own. it was pathetic. 

He, however, also changed. Maybe in reaction to me but nonetheless he changed.

Im sure its not the first time either of us has changed, nor the last, and had to deal with someone else and ourselves in the process. Its inevitable and impossible to avoid.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Brennan said:


> "A man marries a woman hoping she never changes. A woman marries a man looking to change him".


I think the hope is that the woman he thinks he married is really the one he married. The person she presents herself as being is genuine.

It is horrifying to find out this is not so.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I think what happens in marriages sometimes is that women do marry in hopes things will change and that men hope women stay the same. AND when they have those expectations, they get let down and disappointed when things do not stay the same etc. Its almost unrealistic for people to think others will not change at some point.


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

Brennan said:


> So the first time I heard this quote was on TAM. The whole quote is:
> 
> "A man marries a woman hoping she never changes. A woman marries a man looking to change him".
> 
> ...


I posted that quote here (though I am sure that it's not the first time that someone has). My view is in line with michzz. I don't think that men are expecting their wives to forever look 25 or something. Most men that I know hope that the woman that they married is indeed the woman they thought that they were getting. It's like the saying, "You don't met a person. You meet their representative."
Men sometimes find that they have married the woman's representative. Then after marriage the "real person" comes out and she is far from what she portrayed herself to be. Also, some women find the same thing out about their husbands.

In addition, I think that the "Women marry a man hoping that he does change" part of the quote means that some women go into a marriage assuming/hoping that they can change their husbands. And, when he doesn't change, she is not happy about it. 

I think that marriages are "doomed" if people a) portray themselves to be something that they are not and b) are inflexible and unrealstic about the reality of change.


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