# Think my husband has 2 addiction :/



## colorado

Hello everyone, I apologize if this may go on for a while I am a rambler. I have posted here before about my husbands mood swings and temper, but now Im here. Ever since my husband and I met I have never been a pot smoker. Well my husband picked up the habit really soon into our relationship. He seemed to really get into it quick but I never really said anything thinking he would grow out of it. Well over the last few years its been up and down. He quit for a short time and things were great then he always seems to start again. Throughout this last year and half though its been the worst. He seems to only be focused on running around trying to get it. He has also seemed to pick up a prescription pill habit. He got a new job in the gas industry so he was away in August and quit everything (yay) but now has been back home back to the same crap. It never seems to end he will run around all hours of the day or night trying to get more or get a better deal blah blah blah. He never comes home when he says and cannot be relied on to complete or do anything you ask (well me anyways) He always justifies it as its not a "bad" drug. I somewhat blame myself for the pot portion because I never held his feet to the fire to quit it. He may say its not bad but it changes him, he turns lazy, other days he is super mean. Then to top it off the pills make him super irratable and can snap at any point. I don't care what people say pot is just as bad. I am just tired of living with the feeling all that is more important than us and our family. We don't have kids together yet but he has a son. I would like to have kids someday but not if he wont quit the habits. Im at a loss on what to do. Ive let it go so long i feel like now I cant give him an ultimatum. PLEASE anyone with experience or advice I need your help!


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## lostintheworld1

Pot is just as addictive IMHO that so many other things. And I have seen it turn really promising people into lazy, fat do nothing and don't care people. I think if you want to stay with him you need to insist that he gets into treatment for addictions. He can't do it just for you but he needs to understand (if this is actually the way you feel) that if he doesn't get help and get clean he will lose you.


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## Remains

Hi. I have been a pot smoker for much of my adult life. My parents smoked it throughout my childhood and so it was an 'acceptable' route to take. Me my brother & sister have all smoked through much of our adulthood. And yes, I was lazy because of it. When used as a crutch in much the same way as alcohol is used by others, it becomes all consuming and is your hobby. Your life revolves around when u will be having your next joint, and if u run out then you go to all lengths to get more. If you cannot get more, you are down and irritable. It dulls the senses and it stops you being motivated and stops you planning your life and being constructive with your life. In a way I am glad I used pot, as if I didn't I may well have become an alcoholic which is far more damaging. However, I wish for neither. 

Once I had my children I was desperate to stop smoking. I also lived with another pot smoker (the father of my children), he was less desperate to stop. It took about 7yrs of wanting to before I finally stopped. He did not. I stopped for about 3yrs. We split up after an 11yr relationship, after 6months when he realised we were not going to get back together he turned nasty. Really nasty. I couldn't understand it as we had 2children together and surely they come 1st. That we must all look after each other as a family even if we were split. But his bitterness consumed all common sense. I was so stressed I started drinking (as I was not a pot smoker anymore). I have never ever been an 'at-home' drinker. only ever sociable. I was drinking whiskey, and a lot of it. Not good. But I am a person who is messed up from a highly dysfuntional childhood and found that having a crutch was useful to me. I met someone else about 2 and half yrs after we were split and that increased the nastiness to the point where I warned my friends that if anything happened to me then it would be him. To tell the police that. Thankfully nothing did happen, but it got to a point where I was drinking whiskey every night for about 2-3 yrs. I knew if I did not get off it that it wd kill me. And where would that leave my kids. So I bought some pot and started smoking that again (I never mixed the 2). I didn't want to be a pot smoker but smoked several nights a week to give my body a rest from the alcohol. And I was not ready to give up everything as I was getting intense stress from every area of my life. I was barely holding all together. My new man I had met was messing my head up, massive stress from my children's behaviour due to their Dad using them in manipulative ways to get at me, stress from him, and to top it all my job was, and still is, a nightmare due to my boss being a total *****. I stopped smoking about 2 months ago, and drink very little now. I believe that to get anywhere in life, you cannot use a mind bending substance to dull the senses, whether alcohol or drugs. I believe pot is very damaging but in a very subtle way, and so it is easy for the user to make excuses for it. It uses time, energy, is such a time-waster, it becomes a crutch so that if it is not there then you are highly irritable. That is the main thing in your life and all else IS secondary. 

Would he put that much time and effort searching for something for his son? For you? That much money? I doubt it. 

I believe you need to first find out if he wants to give it up. If he does not then you need to decide if that is a future you would like. If you can live with it, fine. If not, something needs to change. If he refuses to change when u tell him what you need then you need to make plans for a better life without him. Difficult! But necessary. You say he gets super mean. This is in him. Will this get better? Or is it drug induced? If its the drugs then he should want to get off them. He should WANT to make you happy. Knowing what you want, and doing it, are 2 very different things though.

Happy, well rounded individuals do not use substances as crutches to get through life. F*cked up people do. I am f*cked up, but I am also kind, considerate, intelligent, thoughtful, funny (sometimes). I am a good person. I have never been a complete failure (except between the ages of 15-17 when I went completely off the rails) and I have always been decent to others. I have never been an out and out druggie. Just someone who used it as habit. As a lifelong 'ok' thing in my life. My kids never suffered (in any real terms, though by default I guess they do. Money for example), I always kept it away from them and never neglected them. Though emotionally over the last 3 yrs when I was in my wind tunnel of stress I found that I have pretty much just functioned. I am getting over that. 

You need to sort this out BEFORE you have kids. Don't bring them into this messed up place that he chooses. Problems like this become entrenched with time if not addressed. Having children in the scenario are stressful enough for a stable happy couple. Having children highlights and exacerbates any problems that are there already. Imagine the problems you have, X10, and that is what it will be like if you bring children into it. If you don't have a loving supportive partner, it is a desperately lonely place to be. It is worse having children in a unsupportive relationship, more bleak and miserable, than being a single mum. I have experienced both. 

Pot in itself is not a bad thing. Just like having a couple of drinks on a Saturday night. However, I know NO pot smoker who only smokes 2 spliffs on a Saturday night with friends and that is it. None! Anything in life that is unbalanced is unhealthy. Anything.


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## Cherry

Hi Remains, nice to meet you . We are those pot smokers who can have two spiffs on a Sat night and that might be it til the following night. But this isn't about me.

colorado - if your H is using in such a way that it is unhealthy or all to consuming, you must set boundaries and stick to them. You cannot make him stop, you might can make him want to stop if he can see some consequences of his using. It may have to be severe consequences, and losing you might end up not seeming important at a time when drugs are his first love. That's scary. When my H relapsed on crack, I didn't hear from him for days at a time! We would have a heart to heart one day in which he would confess his undying love for me... 12 hours later he's nowhere to be found. It got to the point I didn't hear from him for about 3 months. They finally got him for violating probation, and he was forced clean for 7 months, sitting in jail. 

He smokes pot on a regular if not heavy basis. But his behavior improves with the calming effects of pot, but his use his somewhat 'controlled' by me. I think it could escalate to an unhealthy level if we hadn't communicated a compromise. 

Best wishes! 

P.S. he has been clean from crack cocaine for almost 5 years. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains

Cherry said:


> Hi Remains, nice to meet you . We are those pot smokers who can have two spiffs on a Sat night and that might be it til the following night. But this isn't about me.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi Cherry, I see what you are saying. I think my post is too long, far too long, and convoluted. I didn't write about me to take the story to my direction. I wrote it to try and show that it does just take over your life...if you allow it. It is not a 'harmless' thing to do.

He smokes it, he has a child, his child will think ok to smoke it. My life been crap as a pot smoker. Used as a crutch. Hence I don't want someone else to get caught up in that empty life that leads nowhere. Which is where his seems to be leading. These things do not get better if you don't see them as a problem. He doesn't see it as a problem. He is a screwed up man, deep problems, if he does not see his behaviour as a problem. Healthy well balanced individuals don't generally use drugs to get through each day. This behaviour gets worse if unrecognised and not dealt with. My partner was a lazy man, rubbish Dad etc. Mine was a very very lonely relationship. This all looks to be the beginnings of a scenario very similar. 

Get out while you can, before you have kids, and find someone loving, decent, stable, to have kids with! Either that, or make it known you are deeply unhappy. If that doesn't work, give him the ultimatum!


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## Cherry

I think if pot were packaged like a 12 pack of beer, you would have those who would suck down the 12 pack in one night and still try to find more... And then you have the people who can casually have a few drinks a night and relax . It appears the OP's H is the kind to polish off the 12 pack in one night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## colorado

Remains I appreciate you sharing your story and perspective. Yes my h is not one to just use a little on a Saturday night. Now my biggest fear is his prescription pill abuse mixed with smoking pot. I known the two together won't kill someone but when does it end? He is lazy but also irritable, losing weight, never eats and his life pretty much seems to surround one or the other if not both. He won't listen to me when I bring up his ireatibility and turns it back to me having an attitude towards "everything" he does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Remains

colorado said:


> Remains I appreciate you sharing your story and perspective. Yes my h is not one to just use a little on a Saturday night. Now my biggest fear is his prescription pill abuse mixed with smoking pot. I known the two together won't kill someone but when does it end? He is lazy but also irritable, losing weight, never eats and his life pretty much seems to surround one or the other if not both. He won't listen to me when I bring up his ireatibility and turns it back to me having an attitude towards "everything" he does.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mine was exactly the same. He twisted all so he didn't have to deal with it. All my fault. If u wd like to read where I am now with my children and the effects of his behaviour traits now, 15yrs after meeting him with a son of 13 and a daughter of 11, here is a link to my ask for some advice. I hope if u decide to stay with yours that it is because he changes, whether by his wishes or by u forcing it. If not, I hope u never find yourself where I am. 

talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/39937-13-year-old-son-verge-hitting-me-his-father-my-ex-has-no-interest.html#post587298


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## becky1234

I have been married to an alcoholic and substance abuser for 13 years. I believe there are some people who have a more addictive personality than others and anything they try they get hooked on. I saw my husband try to give up alcohol and pot for years but always he had to substitute something else whether it was pain killers or just strong coffee and cigarettes. 
No matter how much he told me he loved me these addictions always came before me. He couldn't give them up for me - or for anyone else for that matter.
It was only when his health started failing that he managed to kick everything. Which he did 3 years ago. But he still has to be careful about taking medication because he knows he will get addicted to anything very easily.
What I'm saying is that you can't force a person to give up an addiction for you, they have to want to do it for themselves.
And I don't think a pot addiction is healthy or safe. It has caused him to have terrible mood swings and irrational behaviour even 3 years later.


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## Sara Ann

Sometimes people quit an addiction because they don't want to lose something else, like a spouse or a child taken away by CHP, or a job or or or. It doesn't matter why they quit. 

People use drugs as long as they think they can't live without it.


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## AnnaMa

OMG I have exactly the same problem and I'm at loss too. My husband smokes pot and takes pills and I'm so sick of it... Did he quit smoking pot and taking prescription pills? Or what did you decide to do? Let us know! If you are still here of course...


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## Juicer

What are the pills? 
Are they just a random collection of various pills? Like pain killers, ADD medications, sleeping aids, etc. 
Or are they steroids?


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## cloudwithleggs

My estranged husband is a food addict, even after he had bowel cancer he put another 8 stones whilst on chemo, then got addicted to the powerful prescription pain meds, he'd pop them like sweets, he must of been near 400lbs and 5' 7", so not even a life threatening disease can stop him.

He will die by the time he is 50, he is 46 now and had a second lot of cancer, has he lost weight, not really, still eats rubbish, takes script pain meds, but also now on cholesterol meds and high blood pressure meds, with his family history of heart attacks at 50 and diabetes he has destined himself to his fate.

addicts have to want to help themselves, no one else can help them.


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