# My husband is nearly perfect, but he is so insensitive about one thing and I'm hurt



## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

My husband is obesessed with big boobs. Problem is I don't have big boobs. I've never had body issues, but now I feel inadequate. He has no idea how he has wounded my self esteem. I'm just waiting for three years until we are in a better situation financially so I can get a boob job. I never wanted one ever before. I personally think boobs that are natural and the right size for a woman's body are more attractive, but that isn't how my husband feels. He even told me he "settled" with me in this one area. How can someone who is so loving and kind in all other aspects be so ruthlessly cruel regarding this. He is totally blind to how damaging this is. He has changed forever the way I feel about my body. He isn't perfect, but I accept him totally and would never tell him he didn't measure up in any way physically whether it was true or not. 

Would you get the boob job if your husband told you he wasn't attracted to your breasts? I told him tonight that he was a jerk and he said he never wanted to talk about boobs again. I hope he means it this time because last time I got upset and cried and he promised to never bring it up again a few months later he brought it up again. Now that I am the one bringing it up it is making him upset so maybe he'll stay quiet for good.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

curlysue321 said:


> My husband is obesessed with big boobs. Problem is I don't have big boobs. I've never had body issues, but now I feel inadequate. He has no idea how he has wounded my self esteem. I'm just waiting for three years until we are in a better situation financially so I can get a boob job. I never wanted one ever before. I personally think boobs that are natural and the right size for a woman's body are more attractive, but that isn't how my husband feels. He even told me he "settled" with me in this one area. How can someone who is so loving and kind in all other aspects be so ruthlessly cruel regarding this. He is totally blind to how damaging this is. He has changed forever the way I feel about my body. He isn't perfect, but I accept him totally and would never tell him he didn't measure up in any way physically whether it was true or not.
> 
> Would you get the boob job if your husband told you he wasn't attracted to your breasts? I told him tonight that he was a jerk and he said he never wanted to talk about boobs again. I hope he means it this time because last time I got upset and cried and he promised to never bring it up again a few months later he brought it up again. Now that I am the one bringing it up it is making him upset so maybe he'll stay quiet for good.


Keep your boobs if you're happy with them.

Simply tell your husband "well, that makes two of us then, because I "settled" on your penis size."


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Take hin to a cancer ward in a Hospital and then hopefully he will just be very very happy you have twp health ones.You need to sign you both up for the breast cancer walk next year,because that also makes you think.I am a man and it can be very emotional.

If you want to keep it less dramtic tell him his Penis is to small or too big and they will shut him up.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I would tell him to go jump off a bridge. If he cant live me for me than he is not wirth my time and effort because there are plenty of other men out there that dont give a hoot what size the breast is... They appreciate em regardless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I would do just about anything for my husband but I draw the line at unnecessary surgery.

I'd tell him it's fault that he "settled" not yours. Why should you suffer for his mistake? Suck it up cupcake you made this bed now lie in it.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

That's just cruel of him. If my husband said that, I'd tell him I don't expect him to settle, then show him the door.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I would never get a boob job to satisfy someone else's obsession. And I'd never settle for such an insensitive man - no matter what his other good points were.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I am against women getting boob jobs, unless it is to adjust after a masdectomy. Being a male, I am definately in to boobs, but real of any size beats fake of any size....always.


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## OrganizedChaos (Jan 23, 2013)

He was horrible to let you know about this, we all have our likes and dislikes but he needs to appreciate you as I'm sure you are very beautiful the way you are. 

If he is that shallow, find someone who will appreciate you.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

OrganizedChaos said:


> He was horrible to let you know about this, we all have our likes and dislikes but he needs to appreciate you as I'm sure you are very beautiful the way you are.


You bring up a good point. This guy doesn't have to appreciate her as she is because he believes once they have the money his problem is over. Then that makes this a boundary problem because the op is essentially buying into this by considering the surgery.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

He had his chance to marry someone with big boobs. Love yours and don't get the surgery. Look at all of the cute tops/camisoles you can wear! Look at the majority of movie stars - very few have big boobs. Look at super models. Very few have big boobs.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

CurlySue,
Other men have posted on this but let me be another to add on. Do NOT get a boob job just to satisfy your husband. Even if you were to have the surgery, he would be happy for 6 months or so while _*he*_ gained enjoyment from *your* inconvenience and pain, then he would find something else to be dissatisfied with. It sounds like you have had this conversation before and he keeps coming back to it. This shows extreme insensitivity on his part. He needs to be made aware of how selfish he sounds. Take a firm stand and don't bend.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

What a jerk. I can't believe someone so insensitive would be a perfect husband in every other way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

His "settle" comments are hurtful. I would never go under the knife for anybody but me.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hes an a$$$$$$

I'll never understand the guy that loves big boobs.I mean I don't hate them but from me it all about the attitude the woman has about life and sex not really about just obessing over one thing how big a particular body part is.

that would be a huge turn off.

and for a husband or wife to ever tell their life partner that they settled on anytthing is just ....................I don't even know what to call it. I mean what do they think they would gain by being so insensitive to the person they love.

you catch more flys with honey than vinegar but some people are just full of Pi$$ and vinegar .....yuck


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

so which is it? is he blind to how it makes you feel, or is he ruthlessly cruel? this really just sounds like he's clueless and doesn't understand at all how it makes you feel. he likes big boobs. lots of men do, and a lot of men joke about things like this not understanding the importance of body image to a woman. 

it's possible he even thinks of it as an affectionate remark. like, you know how much I love big boobs but you're so great I fell in love with you anyway. what's his tone when he says it?

tell him it really bothers you and you'd really appreciate if he would not make those comments. 

to everyone saying make a crack about his penis size, that's the worst thing she could do. what's wrong with you people? you think saying hurtful things back is the way to fix a problem? you thing trading nastyness is the way to a happy marriage. no. you want to boost each other's self-esteem, not tear it down. and a comment like that can have lasting effects on his self-esteem and their marriage.


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## NewThingsGetOld (Jan 11, 2013)

breast augmentation is major surgery that could potentially end in permanent health problems, disfigurement or death. something to think about and maybe talk to him about if you feel that his insensitivity is driving you to such a drastic option.


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

WOW!!!!!!!!!! 

What a jerk!

My STBX was a little like this! He hated it when I wore anything sexy to bed " I thought you were trying too hard", then he would tell me about his ex gf's and their huge breasts! I'm a size 4 and 5'7- mine are a size A...
We once had a conversation about having children (when things were okay) and he specifically mentioned that I should have a boob job after! (and a tummy tuck)

I later found out he was going to strip clubs behind my back and watching tons of porn while I was at work/with friends. 
Do you think he watches porn etc? Maybe this is where he is getting these unrealistic images of women? 

Funny enough my STBX kinda pudgy, balding guy! 
As other ladies have said, we are expected to be perfect, but men are hardly ever criticized.

As someone who worked for a plastic surgeon for years,don't do it unless it is something you want to do! There are many complications and they need to be replaced after 10 years or so. I have seen a lot of women have them taken out.
And as other ladies have mentioned, I have seen the other side- women getting reconstructive surgery after breast cancer.

He should be happy you are healthy and love you for who you are!

*As to Drover's remark: he likes big boobs. lots of men do, and a lot of men joke about things like this not understanding the importance of body image to a woman.* 
REALLY?? Because before my STBX I have had men/bf's specifically say they could care less and "more than a handful is a waste".. I have never ever had an issue with this until I met my STBX. What kind of man doesn't understand the importance of a woman's self esteem? Even 16 year old boys know when to shut up about things like that! 
I would pay attention and see if he is putting her down in other situations and she is not noticing or if she really is involved with such an immature man... well..good luck!


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I am wondering what other areas he is being a jerk in.

Don't have any surgery unless YOU want to. If you would never do that on your own certainly don't do it because of some man.


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## silentghost (Jan 28, 2013)

My mom had a boob surgery done back in the 70's. She wanted this for herself....my dad loved her for the way she was.
Unfortunatley, over the years she slowly became ill and she had alot of pain in her muscles and joints. She found out that one of the silicone packs in her boobs busted and it was leaking silicone into her system. She had a surgery to take them out and that was years ago. To this day...she is suffering quite abit and most of her joints and muscles have swelled and siezed right up.
Don't get your boobs done...period (unless you really want to)
You like them as it is...leave as it is.
Time for your husband to grow up and become a man or ...take a hike. Don't let him make your life miserable over a petty thing called 'boobs'.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Your husband is far from "nearly perfect".


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

'nearly perfect'.

laugh. Except he is a jerk - or seems it based on what you wrote.

You are also giving him a pass because you are insecure about it. Do you agree?

---

Im sure your boobies are perfect. He should be able to see that. If he cant, maybe his penis is too small and wierd looking.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Tell him you like big ****s & only "settled" for him because you loved him.

Then leave some brochures for penis enlargement lying around the bedroom.

He'll realize what an insensitive prick he is after that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Drover said:


> so which is it? is he blind to how it makes you feel, or is he ruthlessly cruel? this really just sounds like he's clueless and doesn't understand at all how it makes you feel. he likes big boobs. lots of men do, and a lot of men joke about things like this not understanding the importance of body image to a woman.
> 
> it's possible he even thinks of it as an affectionate remark. like, you know how much I love big boobs but you're so great I fell in love with you anyway. what's his tone when he says it?
> 
> ...


Imo this guy deserves to have his ego knocked down. Her making a crack at his penis size is giving him a reality check. If she were to boost his ego he would equate this with her enjoying and wanting his nasty treatment. Sometimes when someone is doing the kicking around it takes them getting kicked right back for them to stop and realize how much damage they did. Fyi he damaged her self esteem by remarking that her tits arent good enough. That crap has lasting effects on her self esteem and the marriage as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Please do not get fake breasts for anyone but yourself. They are extremely painful, and one day you will most likely have to remove them, which cost money. Getting mammograms with breast jobs are painful, to say the least! it puts your life and health in danger. It can also prevent you from having an accurate mammogram reading. What if you get a bad job? don't do it. I just know you'll end up regretting it, and resenting him for it.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> hes an a$$$$$$
> 
> I'll never understand the guy that loves big boobs.I mean I don't hate them but from me it all about the attitude the woman has about life and sex not really about just obessing over one thing how big a particular body part is.
> 
> ...


I agree
He's being an awful husband. 
You need to let him know that unless he's willing to have surgery to enhance his penis (even though there is nothing wrong with it) that you will not have surgery. Even then that's on him, don't modify your body for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Your husband may be nearly perfect but he is a complete a$$hole. Absolutely do not get any surgery that is not essential.


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

I agree it was not a nice thing for him to say

I agree that she should not do it for him

One thing though...she did seem to imply that he is otherwise a good guy....maybe he has a real boob fetish and it got blurted out this way..the wrong way...

Since my wife has a serious fetish...meaning orgasm is impossible without engaging in fantasy about the fetish...(in her case a totally non-sexual idea to just about everyone else)...I know how this can be.

I do know of men who have a boob fetish and can not get deeply sexually aroused without big fake boobs.

I know a man who visits prostitutes with fake breasts although he claims to love his wife dearly...he simply can't find her sexually attractive...

It sounds very superficial...and perhaps it is...but perhaps he is trying to get at something...

If its a true fetish then its a MAJOR problem for the relationship...and its not actually his fault...

If its just a preference then YES he is being a jerk.

To the poster who talked about being sensitive to women's body image....I would say I agree 100% except exchange the word women for the word people.

Men are very sensitive to their body image also.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

ChiGirl. Yes. Really.


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