# Boy did he pull a number on me!



## Hopeful_wife (Nov 6, 2009)

Ok, so long story short, my now ex-husband (official yesterday) basically had an affair with a girl from his work. He moved out about a year ago for "me time" as he put it. Instead, he formed a relationship with her, started seeing her and they were having a very serious relationship. He told me they were just friends, I knew better. I knew they were intimate. Anyway, for a year, he and I played the "let"s work things out, let's break up" over and over. He'd reel me in then throw me back out at will. Well, I got sick of all the lies and emailed her. Told her everything that had been going on on my end. Turns out, he was lying to her too. Told her he and I never planned on getting back together, the divorce was in the works (which it was, but we put it on hold several times while trying to reconcile). I found out that he NEVER planned on coming home, that he only pretended to love me, had fallen in love with her, yada yada. So, she is pissed at him, I don't have quite the bad feelings toward her anymore since she was kind of a victim of his lies (although she knew we were married when they started talking and should have walked away in the beginning). Well, now I'm bitter, pissed and don't really want anything to do with men. Not to mention that he's now bringing her around our son's events, which I told him was ok as long as there was no touching involved in front of me because I wasn't ready for that yet. What does he do? Touches her. There are things she still doesn't know, for instance, he and I had sex back in March, and he told her that we didn't. We went to a soccer game together that she was supposed to go to with him, and he told her he didn't go, I have stayed the night with him, and done some other things (sexual, but not sex) with him and she knows none of this. So he's still lying to her (which I'm torn on whether to tell her or just let her figure it out like I did). Anyway, I guess my question is... How do I let go of all this and move on? I feel like she won, even though it wasn't like she was after him the way I thought in the beginning. He chose her. It's a hard pill to swallow since I gave him 9 years of my life and did everything he ever asked of me, and then he turns around and lies to me for a year, uses me for his benefit and then just tosses me out like garbage. It's very painful, and even though I'm not in love with him I find it difficult to see him with her. I don't even want him back. The worst part is, I actually HELPED him get her back because I realized how much he loves her, and I figured even though we aren't going to be together, why not let him be happy. He says he wants to be friends in time with me, but I told him she's not comfortable with that so I'm staying out of it all, and that the only reason we need to talk is for our son. Well, I'm just frustrated, depressed and feel like a complete idiot for buying his lies for so long and still being willing to help him out. WTF? I just don't know where to go from here. I don't want to bring another man around my son the way my ex brings his girlfriend around. They've already talked about moving in together, and I'm really worried about how this will affect our child. He's only thinking about her and not putting any consideration into what he's doing to our kid. Ugh...sorry for the rant. Just needed to vent.


----------



## Hopeful_wife (Nov 6, 2009)

Oh, and one more thing. He told me he's "never felt a love like this" when he was talking about her. My MIL said he told her the same thing about me in the beginning. Just an opinion question here, but do you think that it's because she's the new toy and eventually he'll get tired of her? I mean, he's already basing their relationship on lies anyway, and he basically cheated on her with me (funny to say that), but do you think it will work?


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Who knows if what they have will last? And who cares? He's deceived you, and treated you pretty poorly, I wouldn't worry about whether or not he'll find real happiness with her. 

Move on with your life. If the divorce isn't final already, get it final. When you're ready to start dating again, do so. Take your time getting to know a new man; don't rush into anything. Don't introduce men you're dating to your son until you've been dating them for a while (general rule of thumb is about 6 months), and are relatively certain that it's serious, maybe after you begin seriously contemplating moving in together or marriage.


----------

