# Lonely in marriage?



## SarahRenee (Oct 6, 2010)

I just joined this form. I suppose I just need some advice, and someone to talk to. My husband and I have been married for only 10 months. I am a stay at home mom, and he works a lot. He has his own business, so he works weekends and nights even when he gets home. I'm so lonely in my marriage. I have told him before, but I guess he doesn't understand what I mean. I am alone all day, and I look forward to when he comes home. But, when he is home, we rarely spend time together. He usually is working on his computer, or he falls alseep on the couch. I guess I want quality time together, and he is content on how we are. He is also really stressed out from work, and he has not been interested in sex lately. When we do have sex, it has been really hard for him to climax. All of this is taking a toll on me. I just try to be happy with what I have and tell myself he can't entertain me, but I'm starving for some quality time. I'm so miserable thinking that this is how it could be for the rest of my life. Sometimes the loneliness is unbearable. I don't know what to do. Talking to him gets me no where, and things never change. Any suggestions would be great.


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

Try action louder than words example. Plan something special on one of his free weekends - could be a lovely dinner, going to the movies, picnic.

I hope it works out for you both.


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## lonely man (Oct 7, 2010)

Hmm setup a romantic get away for both of you to a spa. that way he can relax (message, rest, sothing music) for the first day or two, after which has a romantic diner. see where it leads.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I understand what you are going through. I was in a similar situation when my husband and I owned our own business. After we had children, I had to stay at home, and he had to work long hours. The stress was horrible.

We ended up making the choice to close the business. There were a few reasons, but it ended up coming down to what he wanted most from life; a happy family life, or a business.

He needs to think about what he wants out of life. What are his goals? Does he want to be a good father, with a happy marriage, or does he want to be a workaholic with nothing else? Before any change can happen, he needs to figure out his priorities.

You are more likely searching for answers that involve helping you cope with your current situation as it is, however, short of advising you to start living life without him, there's no real cure for the lonliness you are feeling, other than for him to start putting you back in the picture.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

QUOTE: When we do have sex, it has been really hard for him to climax. 

My husband had the same kind of very stressful job for many years and he had same problem in sex performance and lack of interests.
After many years dragging, we finally searched for professional help, and found his testosterone is too low because of stress, overweight, drinking beer and smoking.
So i'd advice not to drag on this problem but go for a doctor, actually your husband is ill but you don't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sophie123 (Oct 1, 2010)

gosh when i read ur tag it sounds like me ,,,,unfurtunatly ive just split with me husband after 13 years of marrage,,,,i really feel for you ,i to was so lonely,my husband slept all day and worked nights he as his own business,,,,we have a daughter (shes 7)we had never split up i thought the break would do us good,,,,However within 6 months he had met another woman moved in with her and shes not pregnent,,,,,i am devasated,,,,,,,,,,,he says hes made the biggest mistake of his life ,but he cant leave her until she as the baby,he wants to start seeing me again,,,,,,,,i love him dearly,,,,,so im having a affair with my own husband?mad i know but i think that he will leave her and hopefully our marrage will be so much stronger ,,,,,,,,,who knows ,,,,,,good luck,i wish we would of talked but we didnt and look what mess we are in now,,,,,please sit down and talk,,,it will save your marrage,sophie,x


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## SarahRenee (Oct 6, 2010)

Thank you for everyones replies. I know I should talk to him about it, but at the same time I feel bad because I know he works hard, and when he comes home, he wants to do his things. I don't want him to feel like I'm needy. I want to give him his space. It is really hard for us to have alone time since we have son. He isn't much into conversations I guess. He feels we spend time together if we sit down and watch tv together, but I don't feel as if that is quality time. We went to marriage counseling, but it felt more like male bonding time with my husband and counselor. So, I didn't want to go back. I feel like I need to just find friends to keep me company. I moved to another state for him when we got married, and I lost most of my friends. I think if I had friends for companionship I wouldn't need him as much, even though I know that's not a healthy marriage. But, I have talked to him about me being lonely on several occasions, and it never ends well. So, I don't want to bring it up anymore.

And sophie, he is still your husband, so you are not having an affair with him. He is yours. He owes you more than the other girl whether she is pregnant or not. If you love him and want to try to make things work, then go after him. But, don't let him have you both. If he says he wants to work on the marriage, then he needs to leave the other woman and start new with you.


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## OpenMindedGuy (Oct 8, 2010)

Hey SarahRenee. It all starts with communication. I would recommend going to a marriage councillor to assist you both in communicating your individual needs to one another, in a controlled & facilitated environment. This should set you guys up for the future and hopefully a long and happy marriage. Hope it helped.


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## Bluemoon7 (Jan 27, 2010)

I understand. You do need someone to talk to after being home alone with a baby all day. Besides that, you two need to be spending time together if this marriage is to be a success. Would it be possible for the two of you to spend a half hour talking everyday? And maybe a once a month date night? 

You need some friends. I know it's hard to make them once you are older. Look on-line. Often there are groups for moms you can join.


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