# Any success with 180 degree divorce busters?



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Someone stated that my only hope in possibly getting my wife back would be through the 180 degree plan from Marriage Builder. It seems to be the total opposite of everything i've been doing. I plan on implementing it tonight as we still bowl on a team together. Also, we still go to the same church. If I have any chance at all, this may be it. Anyone ever have any luck with it, even after divorce papers were filed?


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I did this ... not because i was following the plan but because it was how i decided to be after my ex and i split. We're not yet divorced, but after three months of separation he came back and attempted to reconcile with me. So I guess it did work ... not that we're together now! Our attempt at reconciliation made me realize how different we are and how badly we communicate. Since the communication didn't improve I knew it was never going to really get better and I chose to move on. 
But still, that 180 degree attitude seemed to affect him ....


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

colour-me-confused said:


> I did this ... not because i was following the plan but because it was how i decided to be after my ex and i split. We're not yet divorced, but after three months of separation he came back and attempted to reconcile with me. So I guess it did work ... not that we're together now! Our attempt at reconciliation made me realize how different we are and how badly we communicate. Since the communication didn't improve I knew it was never going to really get better and I chose to move on.
> But still, that 180 degree attitude seemed to affect him ....


I'm optimistic that it may help my situation but I have to prepare for the worst. Obviously, I don't want this but God's plan can not and will not fail.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

You should definitely try! Like I said ... I believe it can work. As long as one person wants to save a marriage there is hope  I think this 180 degree system works because if you push another person for reconciliation they push back ... by pushing away from you. So, by taking a step back you give her the space to see more clearly, to stop being defensive, and to show her that you are the man she first fell in love with.
Good luck to you!


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

colour-me-confused said:


> You should definitely try! Like I said ... I believe it can work. As long as one person wants to save a marriage there is hope  I think this 180 degree system works because if you push another person for reconciliation they push back ... by pushing away from you. So, by taking a step back you give her the space to see more clearly, to stop being defensive, and to show her that you are the man she first fell in love with.
> Good luck to you!


I hope it can work. Right now, we are bowling together and all that's been said was concerning our daughter. I know there has to be love still there. It's just hidden because of the hurt. Real love just doesn't die.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

While i still remain somewhat optimistic, I'm not so sure there is any hope. She seems to have distanced herself from me pretty well, but I'll keep trying. She might even already be going on dates...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Mark,
I would check it out. Information is power, the more one reads the wiser they become, and besides there is nothing wrong with mixing up your plan of attack. It will keep her quessing

So keep up the positive mental attidute, your kid is depending on you.


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I know it hurts to think of her dating but don't let it deter you. my ex was dating as well when he decided to try to reconcile ... and as therefore very distant with me. He broke up with this other girl because he missed me (they started dating just two weeks after we separated). He told me that dating made him feel less lonely for a while, but it also reminded him how great I was and everything I did for him.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

colour-me-confused said:


> I know it hurts to think of her dating but don't let it deter you. my ex was dating as well when he decided to try to reconcile ... and as therefore very distant with me. He broke up with this other girl because he missed me (they started dating just two weeks after we separated). He told me that dating made him feel less lonely for a while, but it also reminded him how great I was and everything I did for him.


I hurts like hell to think about her "hanging out" with other guys, as she calls it. I am hoping that my outcome will be similar to yours in that she realizes that maybe I wasn't so bad. But she says that after all these years, she's tired of trying. Maybe I should just move on and stop trying to hold on to her. It's hard because I love her so much. In the 180 degree Divorce Buster plan, they say to be patient. I'm trying, but I think my chances of reconciliation are fading fast. I know that she's corresponding with several guys and I'm hoping that this will get old to her at some point, but I just don't know, especially if she's having the fun she says our marriage lacked. All I can do is continue to pray. Man this sucks.


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

Trust me, I know the pain. I wish I could tell you how to feel better but I can't. Even now, knowing I no longer want my ex, I get upset knowing he's dating other women. It makes me feel sick and sad. One important thing i have learned is that, even if you are going to take all these steps to reconcile your marriage, you need to spend time on you too. Go out with friends, try new things, pick up an old hobby you haven't had time for ... I think someone said you have a kid? I do too and I've found that nothing makes me feel better than spending time with him. Even just looking at him! That little guy is never going to know how many times he's saved me from going crazy. Its almost impossible to feel sad with him in my arms


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

OK, I have never heard of this but googled it and read the list of things you are not supposed to do. How are you supposed to reconcile if you don't plan dates, don't buy gifts, don't call, don't talk. I am not saying it won't work because I have not done it but it seems like if your spouse left you and you pull away they will say "yea this is going to be easier than I tought!"

Does not make much sense to me.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

separatedmomof3 said:


> OK, I have never heard of this but googled it and read the list of things you are not supposed to do. How are you supposed to reconcile if you don't plan dates, don't buy gifts, don't call, don't talk. I am not saying it won't work because I have not done it but it seems like if your spouse left you and you pull away they will say "yea this is going to be easier than I tought!"
> 
> Does not make much sense to me.


From what I've read about it, it's basically doing the opposite of what you've been trying. I've been doing, since she made her desire known, everything that the list says not to do and all it's done is cause her to be defensive and more distant. I don't want more space between us so by stopping everything I was doing, the saying "I love you", the talk about our good points, the spying, the moping, and all of that stuff but it has not worked. I willing to try anything right now. I want her to see that I am strong no matter the case. I want her to see that I am capable of moving forward. I want her to see that I can and will change. If it doesn't work, then I will have the confidence and the lessons to be able to handle the next relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lobokies (Sep 7, 2010)

mark ... you have a great will to save your M.. however, she doesn't want it. Not to offend you, but i think you have to let her go.

you keep trying to get her back, and she runs from you... 

just imagine if she is a shadow. when we chase the shadow, it will run.. but if we run from it.. it will chase us. 

perhaps someday after you let her go, and she realizes that you are the best that she could have. She will run to you.

think about this.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

lobokies, thank you for the compliment as well as the proverbial "slap in the face". I do need to move on. I do need to start creating my life without her. At heart, I'm a fighter and as the old adage goes, "anything worth having is worth fighting for". I know there is a strong possibility that this is the end. In this beginning stage, it's extremely difficult not to think of all this turning out the way I would like it to. As the days have gone by, I'm becoming more and more able to accepting the reality of it all. I'm not there yet, but I will be at some point. I like your shadow analogy and I believe it to be true. I will continue to learn from this unfortunate situation and make sure that I'll be prepared for any other relationships that may come in the future. But you guys make it seem as if having a hopeful attitude is bad. It's not that easy to stop loving someone and wanting to be with someone. It's just not that easy. I'm trying to deal with it...but it's gonna take some time.


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## lobokies (Sep 7, 2010)

mark... i support you to still love her. but the important thing is, you have to earn respect from her. so far, she has no respect to you. just wanna ensure that she will not have control over you.

mark, you are a man. you deserve better life and future. i do not know if she is your better life or future.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

lobokies said:


> mark, you are a man. you deserve better life and future. i do not know if she is your better life or future.


I'm starting to wonder this myself. As a man with faith in God, I believe that he puts you things for a reason. I believe that what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. I also believe that some people are only intended to be in your life, not FOR life, but just for a season in order for you to see and learn some valuable life lessons. Believe, I will get through this with time. Right now it just hurts so bad. Like you said, I don't know if she is supposed to be a part of my better life and future.


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## lobokies (Sep 7, 2010)

yes mark...

i believe you will get through this and .. i am sure you will be there someday(being strong and create the new MARK)


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I think it's really over. I'm for certain that my wife is or has been messing around with one person and this will be even easier for me to deal with if she would just be upfront. I saw a text she'd sent last night asking someone if she could stop by to see them on the way home. Should I confront her since my information was the result of snooping or not?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You need more 
do not confront


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## frankie_boy (Oct 20, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> I think it's really over. I'm for certain that my wife is or has been messing around with one person and this will be even easier for me to deal with if she would just be upfront. I saw a text she'd sent last night asking someone if she could stop by to see them on the way home. Should I confront her since my information was the result of snooping or not?


DOn't confront her. She might (WILL probably) flip out about this and get a restraining order. You don't need that.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

frankie_boy said:


> DOn't confront her. She might (WILL probably) flip out about this and get a restraining order. You don't need that.


I've been reading about the walk away wife syndrome and it's exactly what I'm dealing with. She started being unresponsive in spite of my efforts at change due to some books I'd been reading. That's what makes it do difficult for me, I'd already decided to make some changes. She's out right now with one of her single friends doIng who knows what. I wonder if she's even found the f*** buddy she told a friend she needed. I'm not a quitter but I'm beginning to wonder if this is a lost cause.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frankie_boy (Oct 20, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> I wonder if she's even found the f*** buddy she told a friend she needed. I'm not a quitter but I'm beginning to wonder if this is a lost cause.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is just about the most hurtful thing she can do. Mark you know I'm also going through this divorce catastrophy too and I'm as devastated as you, but if I ever found out my wife said something like that as much as it hurts I will just stop trying. You don't need that, buddy.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

frankie_boy said:


> That is just about the most hurtful thing she can do. Mark you know I'm also going through this divorce catastrophy too and I'm as devastated as you, but if I ever found out my wife said something like that as much as it hurts I will just stop trying. You don't need that, buddy.


I was hoping that this was my wife being her typical self because she gets kicks out of saying things like this that are for laughs but she really doesn't mean. She's always been that way. But given what we're going through, I wonder if she's serious this time. At the beginning of this ordeal, I was optimistic but not very much these days. I'm really at the point where I accept that it's over. I'm gonna continue to make some changes in my life that will make me better but I cant sit around feeling sorry for myself. Life does go on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Today, I began the 180 method. I actually got an opportunity to see the affects fairly quickly. I made some plans to hang out with some coworkers tonight. Then my wife calls and says that since our daughter is sick and since she would be hanging out with me tomorrow because of no school, she rather she stay with me this evening. When I told her that we would have to work something out because today was not my day to have her, and because I had already made plans, she didn't seem to like it very much. I hope this works. I'm gonna stay the course. I also noticed from the computer's history that she'd looked up quotes about forgiveness to post on facebook. Now her lack of forgiveness is one of the reasons we find ourselves in this situation. I'm not saying that nothing I did didn't warrant some anger, but as a Christian, I believe what the bible says about love being blind. She may have been also mad because I think she found out that I'd saved an excel file of all her cell phone activity. She may have even gotten on here, as she did a few days ago to read what was being posted. Who knows, but I will stay the course. Do you all perceive these as good signs or not? If she did these things, which I really believe she did, why would she if she was "checked out" or "done" with this relationship?


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## kilobit (Jan 16, 2012)

Mark.. friend I am in a similar situation as you, the walkaway wife syndrome its pretty drastic http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/38372-big-one.html

I would like to give you hope but I am blinded like you. I am not the giving up type of person and am also trying the 180 but let me tell you, it takes balls and dedication and i am having issues with knowing how to act around my wife. I feel like if I went sky diving or did something extremely exciting it would change my attitude. I know that you must be a different person and it cannot be fake, you do it for yourself. Dont tolerate disrespect period.. and dont give up on yourself. that has to be fixed before anything else.


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