# Married almost 2 years, wondering if it was a mistake.



## Tonya (Sep 6, 2013)

It's horrible to say, I know. 
My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married almost 2 years. We've had our fair share of issues. To start it off, we are two very different personality types. But it took me a long time to see this. I was never in a functional-real- long term relationship so I have had a hard time distinguishing between "what are normal couple issues" and what is "out of line" behavior. His personality type is argumentative (likes to debate, a lot), he's of the old fashion mindset of man work and woman work, he is very pushy and will not respect my privacy if it's a topic I do not care to discuss. Example, when we first got together he wanted to know how many guys I'd been with and wouldn't stop asking until he got the info he wanted. (it's worse than it sounds) it was a big deal for us. I didn't want to tell him so I'd lie...he'd catch me in it and then want further info...positions-everything... I didn't know how to deal with this, was this normal, was it because I lied to him? However in my defense I felt he shouldn't have been asking it.
Life went on, he became very jealous and over protective. He would text/call me several times throughout the day and if I didn't reply immediately then I would get grilled. I wasn't allowed to go into a meeting at work without first telling him so he'd know in case he tried to contact me. I drive 35 minutes to work everyday and if it took me longer than that to get home I got grilled. I couldn't spend anytime talking with my sons dad when picking him up or else I got grilled. 
So finally, a couple months ago I had had enough. There was a giant blow up. After I had packed up my clothes & a couple outfits for the kids I went to his parents to get the children (his parents babysit), he comes bursting out of the house, takes my keys and my phone so I can't leave. This is how he always gets me to stay. I've tried to leave so many times and he refuses to let me take the kids, or he takes my keys and phone until I've "calmed down" or aka decided to stay. Well long story short I finally got my keys back after some scaring arguments and I took my son and left for 2 weeks. I got my daughter eventually too. 
While gone all the promises in the world were made to me. I wrote a letter to his mother to explain some of the things I had been living with for the last 5 years. I got minimal support through that. However since he's always trying to get his parents approval this did help open his eyes to his behavior. He said he's changed. After several long loooooooooong talks I moved back in. 
He hasn't been harassing me while I'm at work. The whole "your cheating" paranoia seems to have gone away (or he's masking it well) however we have still had issues. I knew we were going to run into some, but I just don't know if they're ones that will go away or if I should pack up for good. The worst recent one was when him and his ex wife were arguing and he was made that I didn't verbally back him up in the argument. (he is a very strong arguer...he needs zero assistance) When his ex left he started yelling at me and the kids telling us that we don't have morals, he went into the porch, threw a board, broke a camping lantern, went in the house, brought our kitten out and threw her outside (because he didn't want a cat in the house) then when we went in to get our shoes and my purse my son told me that maybe we should go to another house for awhile and my husband screamed SCREAMED at him to SHUT UP! DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT! And then turned the yelling at me telling me that I'm the reason he thinks this way. I eventually got outside and tried calling someone...it was either going to be the police or his parents (since they're the only people he listens to) and his mom answered and proceeded to yell at me that she "knew this was coming" lot of help she was. Anyway, he saw i was on the phone and all of a sudden calmed down and apologized. I hate it, I hate the roller coaster ride of his emotions. When he gets like that me and the children just have to sit back and try to be nice so he doesn't lash out at us. If I fight back, at all, it's an all out fight. 
Is this normal? 
I just don't feel like it is. 
He has, of course, told me that all couples have fights like this...but it just feels wrong to me.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

He sounds like he needs serious help. He should see a doctor about these episodes.

He seems very unstable and that's not good for children to be around. Kids are very impressionable...do you want your kids growing up thinking this is normal behavior?

Do you have anyone else you can talk to about this? His mother has likely been his life-long enabler, so no point going to her...you've seen those results.


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## Tonya (Sep 6, 2013)

I agree. I had mentioned he get on something for his high anxiety and that seemed to help but within just one months worth of script he was popping over the recommended amount of Xanex. So it scared him and he quit taking them. Things were better, he was in a better mood then.. although I don't believe anxiety is his only issue it's definitely a big one. 
Thank you for pointing that out about his mother, she's the family crazy...I don't know what I was doing looking for validation from her. 
I've decided to get my things together and in two weeks I'm going to move out. This time for good. I have a hard time staying resolute in my decision though. It's easy to forget all the reasons why I'd want to leave when faced with all the fears of finding a place to live, moving the kids's schools, paying more in daycare, the upcoming arguments about the kids' schedules, not to mention all the tears from the kids when they realize whats going on. That was my main downfall last time.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good for you for making this decision. Your kids dont deserve to be exposed to this kind of instability and anger. (neither do you)


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