# Communication issue



## snowday (Jun 24, 2011)

Just a quick question on a communication issue...

Husband and I have a disagreement on something. I've said to him "I felt abandoned." (He didn't come through for me IMO...his opinion is different.) 

His response to my saying that "I felt abandoned" is essentially that he realizes I feel that way, BUT that wasn't what happened (he didn't abandon me in his opinion.)

:scratchhead: I'm a bit confused and unsure now... If someone were to say this to me, i'd think my response would be more along the lines of "i'm sorry you felt that way." Aren't you supposed to acknowledge the feeling? Which I suppose he's doing, he's acknowledging that I "can" have whatever feeling i'd like, but he's following it with a big BUT

I believe he believes he's just being honest and I get that his opinion is different and I can leave it at that. I guess I try to spare people's feelings so i'd go about it differently so i'm getting a very unsure feeling about this type of communication.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

snowday said:


> Just a quick question on a communication issue...
> 
> Husband and I have a disagreement on something. I've said to him "I felt abandoned." (He didn't come through for me IMO...his opinion is different.)
> 
> ...


You are looking at the situation from a female perspective.

Your response you were looking for is a typical female response as it validates your feelings which is what women crave. It gives you a sense of respect.

Your husband saw it as a flaw and wanted to point out his side...he's "trying" to fix it with logic which you tune out and rightly so as you are not a male. We think logically and want to fix things. We want the problem laid out so we can fix it...and quickly.

You both need to learn to communicate... If I were you I'd follow it up with another "nice" conversation about he specifics of why you feel abandoned. Give him detailed examples that he can respond to.

Just saying I feel abandoned to us guys equates out to...

"I love you but not in love with you" then we think you might be having an emotional affair etc. The downward spiral starts.

Be VERY specific with your husband.. us men are not in tune (as we should be) with feelings. We want facts and a way to fix the issue. We were raised to be manly.

If my wife would do that we'd be gold... but instead I usually get it's "feelings" and that doesn't tell me anything tangible to grab on to. I fixed every flaw she mentioned yet feelings persist from beyond two years ago when I got the ILYBNILWYA speech in fact all the way back to our wedding 18 years ago!

If YOU can't define your feelings how on Earth do you expect your husband to!

Now I've learned where I went wrong and am fixing it. Not with my wife's direct help but on my own research and consistent loving efforts.

Good Luck.


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