# Dating after divorce



## Newbeginnings90 (May 11, 2019)

Hey everyone. So i am an early 30s woman who is recently divorced after 5 years of marriage and have one child. Following the divorce i took some time away from everything and just had some time to myself which was great. I then felt the urge to start meeting new people a dating romantically so i signed up to a dating website, started going to more after work drinks and attending get togethers my friends organised. I even joined tinder! 

And my experience so far which has been 5 or 6 months has been it is really really hard to find someone decent that is interested espevially if i mention i have a child. It is pretty disheartening. I have even meet single dads who have pretty much said they dont want a girl with a child.

I am not a super model or anything but i still think im attractive, i have a decent job and consider myself sane. Is it just so hard for everyone? 

Literally one guy on tinder said he really wanted to take me out, but when i mentioned i had a kid he said 'well in that case you better a shorter dress and higher heels' ??!!!
My guess that all the decent guys have already been taken?

Intereted to hear other experiences?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Welcome to TAM.

My experience with OLD was the opposite, but I think it was just a timing thing. Just remember....it only takes one. There are definitely good ones out there. My H dated tons of single moms, as that is what is in our age group. I am a mom and he took on a 15 & 11 year old. He doesn’t have any kids of his own. He said he never had an issue dating single moms.

I would use an OLD site that has you list that you have kids, and also somewhere that you can add comments about being a mom. Maybe that will weed out the guys who don’t want to date single moms. Also, if you are experiencing this, I would tell them in the initial chats about your daughter so you don’t waste your time.

So back to my point...it only takes one. He will be worth the search. :x


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Newbeginnings90 said:


> Hey everyone. So i am an early 30s woman who is recently divorced after 5 years of marriage and have one child. Following the divorce i took some time away from everything and just had some time to myself which was great. I then felt the urge to start meeting new people a dating romantically so i signed up to a dating website, started going to more after work drinks and attending get togethers my friends organised. I even joined tinder!
> 
> And my experience so far which has been 5 or 6 months has been it is really really hard to find someone decent that is interested espevially if i mention i have a child. It is pretty disheartening. I have even meet single dads who have pretty much said they dont want a girl with a child.
> 
> ...


Tinder sucks. Tinder is very often frequented by dudes wanting nothing but hook ups.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't think "all the decent guys have been taken", but it is worth thinking about what sort of guy would be unattached. Some very good guys may be getting out of bad relationships. Others may just now be deciding to settle down. Many though will have failed at previous relationships so there may be a lot of chaff to sort through. 

Men who want children may already have them, and good men who have children may tend to stay in their existing relationships. 

Not trying to be discouraging, just saying that the statistics may not be great - its nothing wrong about you. 

You say "I am not a super model or anything but i still think im attractive" as your first comment on yourself. Maybe you are presenting yourself as an "attractive woman who is also good in other ways", rather than "A good capable woman who happens to also be attractive"? Just a thought in terms of what sort of people you might be appealing to. 

Do you have interests / hobbies that are helpful for making friends? My feeling is that having a wide circle of friends provides more contacts.

What sort of men are you looking at? One category that is strangely ignored is "nerds". Wait - nerds may not be what you think. Many are very good men with very interesting lives who haven't learned good social skills yet.... but they can. Don't ignore that "software geek", who you may discover runs marathons, rock climbs and is the nicest most loyal guy you've ever met. (sorry for the nerd advertising....)




Newbeginnings90 said:


> Hey everyone. So i am an early 30s woman who is recently divorced after 5 years of marriage and have one child. Following the divorce i took some time away from everything and just had some time to myself which was great. I then felt the urge to start meeting new people a dating romantically so i signed up to a dating website, started going to more after work drinks and attending get togethers my friends organised. I even joined tinder!
> 
> And my experience so far which has been 5 or 6 months has been it is really really hard to find someone decent that is interested espevially if i mention i have a child. It is pretty disheartening. I have even meet single dads who have pretty much said they dont want a girl with a child.
> 
> ...


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

My 2 cents is to sign up with the flagship, Match.

You can spell out who you are, and what you are about.

If you are cool with casual dating, I think what you are experiencing is par for the course with Tinder.

If you are searching in the pool of guys 35 and under, these are also likely to be guys that either have no kids and want their own, or have young kids and dont want to inherit more.

I dated lots of moms. If it moved towards serious and exclusivity, factoring in blended family dynamics can be tough. I ended several relationships based on the simple math that our kids were never going to mesh well.

Short answer is yes ... there are lots of good guys out there. Whether you can find one and in turn find one another wildly attractive becomes another matter altogether.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I think Tinder is a site mainly for hookups and people looking for some light fun. I'm sure some people have long-term relationships from people they meet there, but I'm guessing that's not the common case. I thought eharmony was the site more geared towards people looking for relationships.


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