# Want to leave but don't know if I can cope with the guilt



## jimbo3 (May 10, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for about 8 years and have a young son. I want to leave my husband as I am very unhappy in the relationship and just want it to be over.
However, we come from different countries and have been living close to my family. He hates living here and had been planning on all three of us moving closer to his family and friends within the next couple of years. I don't want to do this but I don't know how I can cope with putting him in a position where he has to choose between his child or his family and friends. 
I've been thinking about this for a while and I'm getting to a stage where I'm so stressed that it's affecting my work and I can't sleep at night. 
I can't see that there's a straightforward solution to this so would be interested to hear if anyone else has had to deal with a similar situation.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Have you told him that you are so unhappy that you are thinking about leaving?

I'd start there...


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## mitsi_mirage (May 10, 2010)

I think you should talk to him, and try to come to a compromise. I know where you are coming from. My husband is from another country and he hasn't seen his family in over six years. 

What we did is that we are planning a trip to Mexico in December of this year, and we will visit his family for one month. It is more than enough time for his family to meet me and our three year old daughter. 

I don't think I would be able to move away from my family either. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to because I have a six year old with my ex, and we have a custody order... and if I were to move, that would affect my visitation with my son. It's okay to not want to move, and my advice is to suggest visiting with his family. If he still wants to move, well it will all be up to you if you choose to follow your husband or to stay.


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## jimbo3 (May 10, 2010)

Thanks for the advice. 
I have spent quite a lot of time with my husband's family and friends but they are HIS family and friends, not mine. I know I wouldn't be happy if I moved away from my home and anyway, I don't want to stay with my husband so moving with him isn't an option really.
My husband is quite depressed about being here and I'm concerned that I'll effectively make the depression worse by making him either stay here away from his family and friends or be apart from his son. 
I think I'm going to have to initiate a conversation fairly shortly and tell him that I'm not going with him if he decides to move. That will probably lead onto the bigger discussion. I don't know that I'll ever be prepared for that but the time will never be right.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The solution is to be honest with him so you can reach a solution TOGETHER.


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