# Wife Says I'm not Aggressive Enough



## Dewey (Jan 4, 2013)

My wife (38 y/o) and I (49 y/o) have been together for 5 years (married for 2 years). We love each other very much and I can honestly say that she's my best friend.

I would say we have an average sex life (if there is such a thing.) Usually 2 - 3 times a week, although usually pretty vanilla. I'm up for anything, but she's not that adventurous. When I tell her things I'd like to do, she usually calls me a perv or a freak. She says it in a joking manner, but I know there is a small part of her that believes it. She doesn't masturbate, won't use toys, not into bondage, no anal (she has tried with others, but says I'm too big), etc. 99 percent of the time it's oral and missionary period. 

Because of this, I usually let her take the lead and she is the one that usually initiates. I'm a little gun shy to try anything new or out of the ordinary (for her) because I'm usually shot down and called one of the names above. This is messing with my confidence. 

When we go to bed, she immediately turns on the TV and is on her phone looking at Facebook, news, etc. To me this is an indication that she's not interesting in having sex, otherwise she would focus on me. 

The other night the TV is on and she's on her phone, so I settle in to go to sleep. The night before, we tried to have sex, but I was having technical difficulties. She rolls over a little angry and ask if I'm just going to lay there and says I need to be more aggressive. Which she has told me before. I told her that I'm not going to compete for her attention with the TV and Facebook, which turns into an argument. 

So, my question is should I stop being a pu$$y and try to initiate even if she's watching TV and playing on her phone, or do I have a valid point?


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

Dewey said:


> My wife (38 y/o) and I (49 y/o) have been together for 5 years (married for 2 years). We love each other very much and I can honestly say that she's my best friend.
> 
> I would say we have an average sex life (if there is such a thing.) Usually 2 - 3 times a week, although usually pretty vanilla. I'm up for anything, but she's not that adventurous. When I tell her things I'd like to do, she usually calls me a perv or a freak. She says it in a joking manner, but I know there is a small part of her that believes it. She doesn't masturbate, won't use toys, not into bondage, no anal (she has tried with others, but says I'm too big), etc. 99 percent of the time it's oral and missionary period.
> 
> ...


She probably wants you to "take" it. But then again, she could be setting you up for a huge rejection.

I had no idea how the rejections, which may look funny to an outside viewer can add up and really mess with your confidence.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Can you clarify what she means by wanting you to be more aggressive? I think it can range from anything from "I wish you would initiate more" to "I wish you would ignore my laughing off your recommendations where I jokingly call you a pervert and just guide me to do what you want done". Based on what I know from what you wrote, it's probably that she just wants you to initiate more. But OTOH, she may sense that you had technical difficulties due to your routine, and she wants you to take the initiative to spice it up. 

Do you know what she means by this or are you as confused as I am?


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## Dewey (Jan 4, 2013)

I believe she wants me to initiate more. I know that sometime she just wants be to take her. Should I take her phone, turn off the TV and take want I want?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Dewey said:


> I believe she wants me to initiate more. I know that sometime she just wants be to take her. Should I take her phone, turn off the TV and take want I want?


I would recommend you try this. I assume that the two of you will be in bed together at a decent time - 8 or 9 pm - and that you two watch TV together in your bedroom? Well, while you two are watching TV and or using her Ipad, either 1) get a case of the roamin' hands and start caressing her. Maybe give her a little shoulder rub/neck rub, then start caressing her back and sides. Slowly move your hands over her body and lightly caress the areas around her hips, upper inner thighs, give kisses on her neck close to her ears, touch the side-swell of her breasts, etc...working the erogenous zones. While you're doing that, read her body language, and listen to her breathing to see if she's getting excited. Of course, if she says something to you up front that sounds less than turned on, just tell her that you find her incredibly hot and sexy right now, and that you just want to explore her body because you love the feel of her as well as her scent...

Good luck.


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

Yes, take the phone away and look in her eyes and focus on her. If she is "shy" she is waiting on you to take the initiative. Go for it!


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Dewey said:


> ...she usually calls me a perv or a freak. She says it in a joking manner, but I know there is a small part of her that believes it.


No there isn't. She is, in fact, practically begging you to do these things in the only way she knows how.



> She doesn't masturbate, won't use toys, not into bondage, no anal (she has tried with others, but says I'm too big), etc. 99 percent of the time it's oral and missionary period.


Which is why she NEEDS you to take the lead. She can't take the lead, because that would make her bad/immoral. But, if you take the lead she can do these "bad" things, yet still be the good-girl (because she is just going along with her husband's wishes). 



> ...I usually let her take the lead and she is the one that usually initiates.


Dude! It is important for a wife to feel that not only does her husband find her attractive, but that he finds her irresistible. What message are you sending by always letting her initiate? You are telling her she isn't all that attractive; that she is so unattractive that you don't care one way or the other about having sex with her. 



> When we go to bed, she immediately turns on the TV and is on her phone looking at Facebook, news, etc.


1) Move the TV out of the bedroom
2) Ban any devices in bed (phone, computer, even books)

The bed should be for intimacy or sleeping--nothing else.



> To me this is an indication that she's not interesting in having sex, otherwise she would focus on me.


Or, maybe it's a sh!t test to see if you'll bust through all her walls to get to her. 



> The other night the TV is on and she's on her phone, so I settle in to go to sleep. The night before, we tried to have sex, but I was having technical difficulties. She rolls over a little angry and ask if I'm just going to lay there and says I need to be more aggressive.


Yep, sh!t test. You failed.



> So, my question is should I stop being a pu$$y and try to initiate even if she's watching TV and playing on her phone, or do I have a valid point?


1) As I said before: ban all this stuff from the bed.

2) Start "initiating" long before you go to bed. Text her a message during the day. Make lewd comments (yes lewd) as you walk in the door or during supper. Let her know what you are looking forward to doing to her after you go to bed (learn to be blunt about what you want--it's amazing how women will in one breath protest and act shocked and in the next breath say "OK"). Spontaneously start something in the living room "because I just can't wait till we go to bed to have you."

IMHO, you have a wife that is craving for you to step up and take the lead, and become the dominant (yes, dominant) sexual partner.

In other words, your wife is a WOMAN, and she wants her husband to act like a MAN.


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## Dewey (Jan 4, 2013)

Blue..you make a lot of sense. I need to start acting like a MAN.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

Dewey said:


> Blue..you make a lot of sense. I need to start acting like a MAN.


End your a$$ locked up right behind bars too! 

Just joking. Go take whats yours and don't feel sorry about it. I'd wait until you get in the right mindset, I know what that dimmed confidence due to rejection feels like.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

My wife, Regret rarely initiates and yeah, that can bug me at times.

Then I remember that I'm a hunter/gatherer and I hunt her down in the bedroom. I like to pounce quickly and hold her hands over her head and make her feel "powerless".

Funny how quickly that heats things up and our sex life is incredible. I'd say give it a shot. She's your wife. Go have sex with her when YOU want to.


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## Topical storm (Mar 30, 2013)

When a woman says that you need to be more aggressive consider it Code Red. In today's society women are fiending for back breaking sex. I've heard plenty of stories and seen many instances where a woman goes astray to find some extra poon tang on the side and its usually with some blue collar tatted up freak. 

Not only do you need to initiate, but you need to beat it up like like a sledge hammer. You need to do more than two positions, when she takes the remote or starts to use her computer, and you are in the mood thats when you need to be a little more forceful. Toss the remote out of her hand, snatch the computer and put it on the side. She's looking for Mufasa in the bedroom. 49 is prime years sexually for females. At this age they can take the pounding vs a young chick in her 20's and 30's. Believe me this is a time to go all out or you may find yourself in the coping with infidelity section. You have to get on top of this right away.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

> Blue Firefly
> .............
> Quote:
> When we go to bed, she immediately turns on the TV and is on her phone looking at Facebook, news, etc.
> ...


Pretty much agree with your whole post BF except the part about books. SO reads to me in bed and OMG it is so incredibly sexy. 

But yes get rid of the tv and the phone OP, passion killers.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I am not joking: Send her a text message saying: "Be ready for sex 2 minutes after you receive this text message."

Then as soon as she has read the message, pounce. Then after the sex say: "I decided not to wait the two minutes because you turn me on so much."


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mrs. Gibson said:


> I found a fabulous website yesterday that I think every man on the planet needs to read from start to finish! LOL!
> 
> Check it out Seduction Science
> 
> ...


I had a quick glance at his website. It should be titled: "How to get your stupid head punched in by a real woman."


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## Leasel (Mar 30, 2013)

I'm very similar to your wife, and I can honestly tell you, SHE WANTS YOU TO INITIATE. She may be a bit shy, but I'd be willing to bet if you threw her under you and started demanding her attention, rather than waiting patiently for it, she'd be much happier, and definitely excited about it.

I tend to sit on my laptop wishing my husband would initiate sometimes, and when he does I'm so happy I start giggling.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Speaking from a woman's point of view I used to wish my H would initiate a lot more than he did. He does now thankfully. I also want him to be aggressive in his actions. My H is not an alpha and there are times I wish he was. I have expressed this to him. I'm not trying to change who he is, just want to spice things up in the bedroom. Sometimes I feel like I want him to take control and tell me how things are going to go down! 

Maybe she is feeling that way? Not all the time, just some of the time.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

It's a lot of work and tiring to always initiate. Maybe make it a joint or an alternating effort?


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## BBRAY (Apr 16, 2013)

I'd say start kissing her and playing with her, if she is still ignoring you take the phone. Take the phone. Then kiss her, the really hard passionate kind maybe get on top of her or pull her on top of you if you're feeling froggy. 

Women like a man to take charge and honestly if she is still uninterested after that you taking charge isn't the problem.

Also maybe do a little research and spice it up. Try something random, fun, sexy, and new. Bringing something new to the table can be a huge help.

Good luck!

P.S. 
if you're having "hardware" issues see a doctor or get some tips on the web before hand. And if you wanna be harder longer check out you're local Adult Toy Store[online or in-person]

if there's a will there's a way


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## Dewey (Jan 4, 2013)

I want to thank everyone for the advice. I'm going to have to man-up and take charge. 
LoriC...like your husband I'm not an alpha. This is something on which I've been working. 

I'd like to ask the women, if you are wishing your husbands would initiate more and take charge, why do you sit on your laptops/phones etc.? To me, a Beta, working on becoming more Alpha, this indicates a lack of interest.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Dewey said:


> ...why do you sit on your laptops/phones etc.? To me, a Beta, working on becoming more Alpha, this indicates a lack of interest. *beta attitude*


Alpha attitude: "Put that laptop down and come over here, because I'm more important than whatever you're looking at on the computer."


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Dewey said:


> I want to thank everyone for the advice. I'm going to have to man-up and take charge.
> LoriC...like your husband I'm not an alpha. This is something on which I've been working.
> 
> I'd like to ask the women, if you are wishing your husbands would initiate more and take charge, why do you sit on your laptops/phones etc.? To me, a Beta, working on becoming more Alpha, this indicates a lack of interest.


Not necessarily lack of interest by being on the computer, sometimes we are just entertaining ourselves waiting for YOU! 

Shut down the laptop, disconnect her call and tell her you WANT her NOW! I would LOVE LOVE that if my H did that to me. I have said this before on another thread, but he could then drag me up the stairs by my hair and have his way with me. God, what a TURN on!!


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

HA HA! Im waiting for Simply Amorous to jump in here!


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

aug said:


> It's a lot of work and tiring to always initiate. Maybe make it a joint or an alternating effort?


Is that tongue in cheek? Unless you're makin engraved invitations in gold, I don't think it's that difficult or tiring to be the primary initiator.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Is that tongue in cheek? Unless you're makin engraved invitations in gold, I don't think it's that difficult or tiring to be the primary initiator.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is if one side does it all the time for years or decades. That would be totally unbalanced. Reciprocity would be nice.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Blue Firefly said:


> Alpha attitude: "Put that laptop down and come over here, because I'm more important than whatever you're looking at on the computer."


Like He said,
Because you can't both be alpha. Well, maybe you can... but those threads get banned. ")


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The heck you can't both be alpha!


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Scuffle over the phone, the computer, taking turns being the alpha, initiating  My mind is laughing at the images, I know what you mean Faithful, I've got a teeny pair of nutz myself LOL I just meant at the same time. Although that would be kinda funny!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Have no clue what you are saying or talking about.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

People aren't alpha 100% of the time. We have our moments. 
Generally a person is alpha or beta for the majority, but in the bedroom there is a preference that is higher. A man might be beta 90% of his waking day. Go to bed... alpha is required. Variations employed.

The thought of two people laying in bed waiting for each other to intiate... or two people fighting over initiating at the same time. Kinda funny. Who's in charge? LOL


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> The heck you can't both be alpha!


Well in some of our cases our wives do prefer to be in a Alpha position. How does another Alpha deals with that?

How would you "top" the female Alpha when needed for sex and other activities?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The alpha male picks the alpha female. Is it really that difficult to understand?

A person can be alpha but not do the initiating that particular evening.

However, in true alpha style, both alphas take care to always be available and willing for sexual activity...who initiates is a non-issue. Both are always ready and willing, meaning, initiation is basically just whoever thought of it first.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

she wants more aggressive? Do this:

You want sex. Just walk up behind her. Softly run your hands through the back of her hair. Grab her hair firmly right against her skull. Kiss her on the side of her neck, back of her neck, side of her neck again. 

Still holding her hair/head, lean in and whisper in her ear "so, you're looking for aggressive"

walk her over to the bed, push her down forcefully, but lovingly - not mean, more playful - Think manhandling a little - maybe like puppies at play. You're aggressive, but not a jerk. It's a fine line. Then, smack her in the arse

follow her reactions and go from there with whatever works for the two of you. You're in charge right now, but really, you're following queues from her for where to go next.


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## Dewey (Jan 4, 2013)

So, tonight is the night I grow a pair and give her what she wants.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

Dewey said:


> So, tonight is the night I grow a pair and give her what she wants.


:smthumbup:


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## Leasel (Mar 30, 2013)

Dewey said:


> I want to thank everyone for the advice. I'm going to have to man-up and take charge.
> LoriC...like your husband I'm not an alpha. This is something on which I've been working.
> 
> I'd like to ask the women, if you are wishing your husbands would initiate more and take charge, why do you sit on your laptops/phones etc.? To me, a Beta, working on becoming more Alpha, this indicates a lack of interest.


Waiting for my husband to initiate, and trying to keep myself occupied until that time. I'm usually not even doing anything at all, just staring at facebook or watching something funny that I would put aside in an instant for sex.


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## Dewey (Jan 4, 2013)

Women, for the sake of us Alpha challenged men, please turn off the TVs, put down the phones and i pads. Stare at your husbands not a screen.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Dewey said:


> Women, for the sake of us Alpha challenged men, please turn off the TVs, put down the phones and i pads. Stare at your husbands not a screen.


Yes dear!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I agree that a woman saying to a man "Take charge and initiate! Meanwhile, I will be waiting for you over here..." is not the right way to go about it.

My husband is (sexually) totally alpha. What that means though, is that he expects me to be a full participant in OUR sex life. If I expected him to bring all the sex to the table while I just waited around for it, he would kick me to the curb and find a woman who is asssertive in getting her own sexual needs met.

Luckily for both of us, I'm plenty assertive.

No true alpha male wants a meek wife. He wants a sexually self-aware wife.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Dewey said:


> Women, for the sake of us Alpha challenged men, please turn off the TVs, put down the phones and i pads. Stare at your husbands not a screen.


This gets me at times too.

What I do is distract her from whichever screen is mesmerizing her at the moment with conversation.

Once her attention is on me and no longer the screen for a minute or two I simply take it from her hand(iPad, remote, whatever) and start kissing her.

I then have her complete undivided attention.

Works every time.

The key is to distract her from what she's looking at before removing it so she isn't abruptly shut off from whatever she was into at that moment.


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

so how did it go? For the record I think a lot of women wish their DH was more aggressive. As for why we watch tv etc it's bc we want u to make us stop


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I hope he's OK


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

A little bit of insight for you guys. If a woman is loved, cherished, desired and wanted by her man she feels safe. She feels that she is yours. You are allowed to take what is yours. 

It can be for many women a turn on when the man she feels safe with takes her in a way that shows how much he wants her.

I also hope the OP is OK lol


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I hope he's OK


He might have taken whats his and got locked up!


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> The alpha male picks the alpha female. Is it really that difficult to understand?
> 
> A person can be alpha but not do the initiating that particular evening.
> 
> However, in true alpha style, both alphas take care to always be available and willing for sexual activity...who initiates is a non-issue. Both are always ready and willing, meaning, initiation is basically just whoever thought of it first.


How is it that alpha/beta/delta/gamma/zeta/whatchamaflogie couples get mixed up together, then?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

DaddyLongShanks said:


> He might have taken whats his and got locked up!


Or she didn't mean that kind of aggressive!

You gotta be careful interpreting what a woman says she wants


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## RFguy (Feb 17, 2013)

My GF has several times told me in effect that she wants me to be more aggressive.

What she meant is that she wants me more aggressive but not too much and only whenever she feels like and I have to do exactly the things she wants at the time. A tiny misstep in the whole process and her mood goes away.

I wish good luck to the OP.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Naga...any of us can be any of those terms. We can even change what we are mid-sexual experience!

It is an attitude. We are all capable of so much depth. When we are rigid in our attitudes and believe we cannot change or grow, then we are less likely to experience those depths.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

RFguy said:


> My GF has several times told me in effect that she wants me to be more aggressive.
> 
> What she meant is that she wants me more aggressive but not too much and only whenever she feels like and I have to do exactly the things she wants at the time. A tiny misstep in the whole process and her mood goes away.
> 
> I wish good luck to the OP.


RFguy,

It sounds like she's controlling your entire sexual interaction. How have you been working with that?


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

*Re: Re: Wife Says I'm not Aggressive Enough*



Dewey said:


> I believe she wants me to initiate more. I know that sometime she just wants be to take her. Should I take her phone, turn off the TV and take want I want?


I would love for my husband to do something like this! Similar to your situation, I do the majority of initiating and I also wish my husband would be more aggressive. I think often times I use my phone/watch shows in bed because I want HIM to initiate instead. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense but if we're both just laying there then I always end up initiating.. and if I don't we go to sleep. I am dying for him to SHOW me that he wants me and can't resist me. Instead of just going along with it when I initiate. It comes off like he doesn't really care either way a lot of the time.

I've mentioned this to him a few times and he says everything he can to reassure me, but then he still does nothing...


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I am not joking: Send her a text message saying: "Be ready for sex 2 minutes after you receive this text message."
> 
> Then as soon as she has read the message, pounce. Then after the sex say: "I decided not to wait the two minutes because you turn me on so much."


Matt your so cool can I use that ?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

A little late to this thread... Hope all is going well... 



Dewey said:


> My wife (38 y/o) and I (49 y/o) have been together for 5 years (*married for 2 years*). We love each other very much and I can honestly say that she's my best friend.
> 
> I would say we have an average sex life (if there is such a thing.) Usually 2 - 3 times a week, although usually pretty vanilla. I'm up for anything, but she's not that adventurous. *When I tell her things I'd like to do, she usually calls me a perv or a freak. She says it in a joking manner, but I know there is a small part of her that believes it. * She doesn't masturbate, won't use toys, not into bondage, no anal (she has tried with others, but says I'm too big), etc. 99 percent of the time it's oral and missionary period.
> 
> ...


 I FEEL you have a very valid point.....your wife is speaking out of 2 sides of her mouth -completely....calling you a Perv/ Freak .. then acting like she is not interested glued to Tv, her phone....even rejecting you repeatedly..... then EXPECTING YOU TO JUMP for her...adding the aggressive.... .I say 

She is being unreasonable in her RESPONSE to you - in order to INSPIRE you for this change, IF she really wants it. 

It appears even you have the higher sex drive here...up for anything ...then adding SHE is not adventurous , doesn't masterbate or care for adding sex toys...does she want spice or does she NOT??? 




dubsey said:


> she wants more aggressive? Do this:
> 
> You want sex. Just walk up behind her. Softly run your hands through the back of her hair. Grab her hair firmly right against her skull. Kiss her on the side of her neck, back of her neck, side of her neck again.
> 
> ...


Really this is GRAND....I am all for this... if the woman is saying this is what she wants, it's worth a try.. but If she rejects you, it really is a :BoomSmilie_anim::wtf: situation.




DaddyLongShanks said:


> Well in some of our cases our wives do prefer to be in a Alpha position. How does another Alpha deals with that?
> 
> How would you "top" the female Alpha when needed for sex and other activities?


I have some thoughts on this... a Beta Man really does work for some of us ...might even be preffered.....even though I too, desire for him to UP the Aggressive at times (comparing him to some high LUST near Rape fantasy I imagine in my head)...... but yet...I have a great lust for the Romantic / Sensual "Making Love" part of  anyhow... 

After hearing men go on about preferences in women...etc...... did a thread on this once but deleted it feeling my husband sounded too "odd".....it appears...that many of these natural ALPHAs PREFER "*subtle*" from their women...over "*overt*" ...

They wouldn't prefer the woman coming on TOO STRONG...(some even find it a turn off or pressure)....and the ones that might want that, might feel- NOT too often.....as it takes away from his Natural urge & LUST of his pursuing to bring her to his knees -which probably ups his Alpha even...feeding into his manhood. 

If I was married to a man that felt like this... I would have to cage a part of myself ... I can DO subtle... but darn it, if he expected this the majority of the time...can't say I'd like it. ...at least not when I was high high drive... I like feeling free to get wild and GO after what I want... this has always fueled his fire......

Of course he initiates too...and always has... but I would say I come on STRONGER and more VERBAL than he ever did....and I get great Enjoyment out of being & expressing this way. 

But that was off subject...

Here is a book that can help written for the Timid Beta who seeks to UP the ALPHA dog and TAKE his wife...

Just F**k Me! - What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom (A Guide for Couples)


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## Dewey (Jan 4, 2013)

So, the manning up didn't go so good. Below is an email exchange between the wife and me after my try to be alpha. 

Wife: I can’t wait all day to talk about what happened. I am not sure why you got so upset last night. I only needed 10 seconds to speed read the email. I am a fast reader. I hope you aren’t still mad. I’m not mad at you because I love you.

Me: I got upset because you put a work email before me. Whether it took you 10 sec. or 10 min. is irrelevant. 
We haven’t been together in almost two weeks and I wanted you, but you chose to be on your phone. I’m not mad, I’m hurt. 

Wife: I didn’t put anything before you. You reached out and grabbed my phone. I was almost done reading and you got heated and started sulking. I wanted you too, you weren’t the only one who wanted to be intimate. And I think the timing is relevant. I was almost done and you freaked out on me. I’m sorry I hurt you, I don’t want to do that. Ever.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Dewey said:


> So, the manning up didn't go so good. Below is an email exchange between the wife and me after my try to be alpha.
> 
> Wife: I can’t wait all day to talk about what happened. I am not sure why you got so upset last night. I only needed 10 seconds to speed read the email. I am a fast reader. I hope you aren’t still mad. I’m not mad at you because I love you.
> 
> ...


Other than the sulking, you did fine (imho).

Your wife seems to be sending out mixed signals. On the one hand she says you should be more aggressive, on the other hand she is trying to maintain control.

What's the difference between reading a 10 second email in bed and waiting till she got up in the morning to read it? Nothing, unless she thinks the contents of the email are more important than you.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Yea. I learned the dont sulk. It makes you (us) look childish.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

Dewey said:


> So, the manning up didn't go so good. Below is an email exchange between the wife and me after my try to be alpha.
> 
> Wife: I can’t wait all day to talk about what happened. I am not sure why you got so upset last night. I only needed 10 seconds to speed read the email. I am a fast reader. I hope you aren’t still mad. I’m not mad at you because I love you.
> 
> ...


Sounds like she may have hit you. Well it ain't gonna happen overnight. She needs to get used to this new communication from you and yet you cannot overdo it.

But obviously you are seeing after having NOT done it for so long it looks odd for her.

Just make sure she knows you have needs to, and you adore her, and sometimes you just can't help yourself nor do you want to.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Thound said:


> Yea. I learned the dont sulk. It makes you (us) look childish.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


and very much against the person you're trying to project and become...


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

dubsey said:


> and very much against the person you're trying to project and become...


It may be the person he ALREADY IS, except it's been repressed.


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## Dewey (Jan 4, 2013)

When I got into bed with the wife last night, she immediately put her phone down. Things are looking up.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

I haven't read through all the responses but if someone hasn't already mentioned it, read the Married Man Sex Life blog.

And remember initiating isn't saying "let's do it." Initiating is taking action.


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## Suspecting (Jan 8, 2013)

Grab her hair, bend her over and give some spanking and tell her she's been a naughty, naughty girl.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Dewey said:


> When I got into bed with the wife last night, she immediately put her phone down. Things are looking up.


This is good.

You may also want to consider that instead of aggressive, she means assertive and confident.

Maybe she wants you to draw boundary lines and push back when she tries to cross them. The phone in the bed is a perfect example. You've drawn a boundary--no phones in the bed--she gave you some grief for drawing it, but she's now respecting it.


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