# Have i exhausted all my options?



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

My wife and i have been separated for 6 weeks now. We have been together for 16yrs and married 11yrs.. Of the 16yrs she had been on dialysis for 10 of it. She got her transplant 2yrs ago. She says while she was sick i wasn't there for her in any way. I did everything and then some for her but do dialysis myself. During the time she was sick, sex was null and void. She said that her body had gone through so many changes and she had no desire. I just said ok, im an understanding person. Now her story is that why didnt we have sex and all her friends want to know why? My wife has issues with being insecure. The one time i did try and make moves she dug her finger nails into my hand. that made me feel like ****. She says that we never hold hands in public or kiss in public. My wife also says that i never wanted to go anyplace with her. I suffered from sleep apnea for many years and chronic fatigue. It just made me not want to do anything. I never had energy. She says thats not a good answer. During that bout with those issues i became depresed from not doing all the things i once did. I was always athletic and in great shape. I became chubby and inactive. Thats another reason for the lack of sex. I didnt feel sexy. I was also diagnosed with agoraphobia. Chronic panic attacks and depression from not being able to be out in public around others but still she doesnt understand and doesn't think its real. Her little sister moved in because she wasnt going to school and doing the wright things so i told her to bring her into our home and we will help her. What a mistake that was. I did everything possible to treat her as i do with my own 2 children. If she was sick i took care of her and made sure that there was a doctors visit. My wife thinks that i took her side in arguments and her friends wanted to know what that was about. I didnt know how to take it. I felt kinda like i was doing something wrong with this 16yr old child. It just didnt sit well with me. The kid went from a F to a b+ average with my help. After months of counciling on my own because she refused to go because years ago i didnt want to attend them. For months and months i continued to do everything possible to get us back on track and nothing from her. The disrespect grew until the day i said to get out. Her response was that she was gonna leave after her transplant if i didnt change. Well if there were issues, i surely didnt know about them. She kept everything inside with out telling me so that i could change and help us. She know states that she had been texting other men during the whole time im trying fix us and she never or would ever cheat. I feel hurt, angry, sad and anything else you may want to throw in there. Do i file for divorce or should i keep trying? My wife is supposed to be a christian woman but doesnt listen to the words being preached or practices forgivness or anything else from the bible.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

JAYBLACK973 said:


> My wife and i have been separated for 6 weeks now. We have been together for 16yrs and married 1yrs.. Of the 16yrs she had been on dialysis for 10 of it. She got her transplant 2yrs ago. She says while she was sick i wasn't there for her in any way. I did everything and then some for her but do dialysis myself. During the time she was sick, sex was null and void. She said that her boody had gone through so many changes and she had no desire. I just said ok, im an understanding person. Now her story is that why didnt we have sex and all her friends want to know why? My has issues with being insecure. The one time i did try and make moves she dug her finger nails into my hand. that made me feel like ****. She says that we never hold hands in public or kiss in public. My wife also says that i never wanted to gon anyplace with her. I suffered from sleep apnea for many years and chronic fatigue. It just made me not want to do anything. I never had energy. She says thats not a good answer. During that bout with those issues i became depresed from not doing all the things i once did. I was always athletic and in great shape. I became chubby and inactive. Thats another reason for the lack of sex. I didnt feel sexy. I was also diagnosed with agoraphobia. Chronic panic attacks and depression from not being able to be out in public around others but still she doesnt understand and doesn't think its real. Her little sister moved in because she wasnt going to school and doing the wright things so i told her to bring her into our home and help her. What a mistake that was. I did everything possible to treat her as i do with my own 2 children. If she was sick i took care of her and made sure that there was a doctors visit. My wife thinks that i took her side in arguments and her friends wanted to know what that was about. I didnt know how to take it. I felt kinda like i was doing something wrong with this 16yr old child. It just didnt sit well with me. The kid went from a F to a b+ average with my help. After months of counciling on my own because she refused to go because years ago i didnt want to attend them. For months and moinths i continued to do everything possible to get us back on track and nothing from her. The disrespect grew until the day i said to get out. Her response was that she was gonna leave after her transplant if i didnt change. Well if there were issues, i surely didnt know about them. She kept everything inside with out telling me so that i could change and help us. She know states that she had been texting other men during the whole time im trying fix us and she never or would ever cheat. I feel hurt, angry, sad and anything else you may want to through in there. Do i file for divorce or should i keep trying? My is supposed to be a christian woman but doesnt listen to the words being preached or practice forgivness or anything else from the bible.


Sounds a lot like my wife use to be. Always having sex when she's ready, never when I needed to. Supposed to be Christian but not practicing it - especially in the forgiveness part as well as the marriage vows.

Anyway, stop being a doormat. Put your foot down. Tell her where you stand and that things need to change. Be prepared to move on by yourself. If the things you say are facts, you have nothing to be ashamed or regretful about. Hopefully she will come to her senses but I doubt it - that sometimes happens only after divorce/separation is imminent. You may just have to go through that exercise in order to get her to come around - or not. Best of luck to you.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

Exactly! You tell her you're prepared to leave if she has no desire to work on the marriage. I highly suggest you find a counselor, make an appointment, and tell her you want her there. If she refuses then leave. Trust me, I've been there. Start preparing NOW and watch your step.


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