# Should I leave?



## serena1 (Jul 30, 2016)

Hi all,

My husband and i have been married for 4 years and been together for almost 11 years. At the start of our relationship we had problems which mainly centred around his drinking. The main issue was he would go out with his friends and ignore texts or calls and sometimes not even come home. There are a few instances which have become ingrained in my memory - he was out with work in a town about 25 mins away from where we stay and he asked me to pick him up as the local transport isnt very good. I arrived when agreed - tried to call and text - no response. I happened to see someone i recognised from his group outside the place and asked if they had seen him. They had - he had got in to a car with a girl he worked with and went back to a flat with a guy and these 2 girls. He arrived home at about 1am with no explanation apart from it wont happen again.

Fast forward a couple of years - his dad was terminally ill with cancer and his sister wanted to move back from Australia - they asked if I could fly over and giver her and her 2 kids a hand to move back . I did! However while I was there he went out to watch the football and again wouldnt answer his phone. Turns out he went back to a friends house -switched off his phone and fell asleep on the sofa. To this day he hasnt come up with any explanation - despite me going to the other side of the world to help his family.

All of these occurrences have deeply effected me - it hasnt just been these 2 but there are the ones that I will always remember.

Then there was tonight - he was going for a leaving do through in our nearest city - told me he would have his phone on and would be on the 7.30pm train back. 7.30pm came and went and despite calling and texting - he read my messages. Nothing back!!

Due to the promises made I became increasingly worried so I drove through to the city. I parked up and wandered round while trying to call. As I crossed the street there he was coming out of a strip bar away to the ATM. As I approached he was withdrawing money from my account!! He was hammered and did come home with me

He is now passed out on the sofa and I am writing this wondering what I am going to do. I should have said due to how our relationship has been I now suffer from anxiety and I am on medication for this - something he is well aware of

So much has happened and every time something does a piece inside of me dies. I have a happy exterior but inside i am crying. 

Any advice would be gratefully received - I am thinking about going away for a week just to get some space just not sure if this is the right thing to do


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Has he said why he does not answer his phone?

Have you set any boundaries for him doing this stuff, or just push it under a rug? I personally would not need a week for space, I would get a divorce and find someone that didn't lie, drink, and/or make me wonder if they are cheating on me.

I think you should get tested for STD's just to be safe.


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## serena1 (Jul 30, 2016)

I have asked many times why he cant answer his phone or at least text me back and I have never got an answer. 

Yes set boundaries and the past couple of times he has been out its been fine - it never lasts long though. I feel like he puts me under this false sense of security and then does it all over again. Sometimes I feel he is trying to make me feel **** about myself. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and reply to me


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP
A marriage without mutual respect is not a marriage. You have an arrangement. He has no respect for you or the marriage. If he refuses to acknowledge your angst and make an effort to ease it then I fear you are a convenience, nothing more. You must decide if you can live like this. It will most likely never change.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What you have is an unapologetic, ungrateful, selfish teenager for a husband. It doesn't sound as though there have been any consequences for his treating you as though you're his mommy. He tells you what you want to hear so you'll get off his back and the next time he wants to act out he has no hesitation. Do you really want to have to babysit him for the rest of your life? He isn't worth your health. 

How about while he is sleeping it off, you pack him a bag and set it by the sofa. It will do you a world of good to not have to see him for a few days.


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