# Wife has no sex drive yet wants a 2nd child?



## hubbydad (Oct 16, 2019)

Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. So I'll just jump straight in. My wife and I have been married 4 years and together for 8 years. We've had a very eventful 8 years, more than most of our other married friends. We've moved abroad and back, been through redundancy, both suffered with depression, renovated a few houses, made a few career changes and the best bit we had our first daughter who is amazing!
We've had several ups and downs and My patience is wearing very thin. I think one more "rocky patch" and i'll be done to be honest. I want to make our marriage work, I don't want my daughter to grow up with divorced parents, I had to do it and it is not nice for kids. This year has been particularly stressful literally. I was signed off work with stress at the end of last year and start of this year from my previous job. I was on medication and going to counselling. In the end I had to leave that job for my health and after contracting and working away I have found a job that is looking promising. I am much happier, things have been better at home and future is looking good then the next bombshell!

My wife is pushing for a second child and yet we very rarely have sex. I am always initiating and getting knocked back. When we do have sex its the same old routine, in the bedroom at night, she only wants 1 position, 1 orgasm and sleep. She has made more of an effort recently, i.e. we've had sex twice in a month! But I know its because all her friends are in the process of having there 2nd kids and she wants to do the same. I have tried everything in the past to boost her libido. I do my fair share of house work and child care. I have booked us surprise nights away. etc etc. I have even tried writing her a letter explaining how I feel to avoid immediate defensiveness and arguments. I've given her the opportunity to be open, does she still feel the same way etc.

I don't want another child. The added stress would finish us off as a couple. We have a really good relationship with our daughter which we get praised for by her nursery. It really shows in her personality. She is a very happy kid and is progressing and learning very well.
My wife suffered with post natal depression which was horrible for her and everyone involved. I think we should just be happy with what we have. My wife knows I don't want another child but is insisting on a 'big chat' at the weekend to discuss "number 2".
Quite frankly I feel like she hasn't listened to a word I've said. I'm starting to feel a like a sperm donor. If we split up the only one who is going to miss out is me. The courts always favour the mothers, and I'll just have to sit back and watch some other guy raise my child. 

As you can see by my words I am genuinely concerned and quite resentful and angry about the whole situation. Please give me some advice folks!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

First of all, don't agree to a second child. Is there a chance she'd try without your consent? "Accidents" can happen, of course. 

If you are not happy with the relationship, you can try to fix it (and honestly, you'll probably fail), you can try to accept things as they are (with or without another child), or you can leave and look for someone better matched. It's tough to leave when you have a child, but sometimes it is still the best option. You don't have to sit back after you leave; you can make a far better life for yourself and still be very involved with your child.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Some people do not desire sex - and for many nothing will change that. You might make decisions based on the assumption that she will never want more sex. Form what you've said, I'll bet that once she gets pregnant again, sex will disappear again.
Then the choice is yours.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Not being in the same page about kids is a big deal and needs the be addressed ASAP. 

Do you not want another child bc your scared it will ruin your marriage? Or do you not want another child because you do not want another child?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Agreeing to a second child is implicit endorsement, via action, that the current situation is okay with you.

The problem becomes that you cannot negotiate this for a few reasons:

1. You cannot negotiate desire. Never. Ever. It is either there...or in your case, it isn't. 

2. If you slip up and try to negotiate, what will likely happen is that she will ramp it up long enough to get pregnant, then return to the status quo.

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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

What do you do for your wife to make her feel special?

What does she do for you that makes you feel special?



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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

First - have a firm conversation with yourself in which you resolve to not have another child unless/until you a) have clarified and repaired the problem that is causing you to be on separate pages re sex, and b) feel in your own heart that you want another child with your wife.

You may just be a mismatch as a couple, but the divide didn't show itself until you had your daughter.

Some people really feel that sex is for procreating and aren't interested once they have succeeded in having their children. If this is your wife, then you are not suited to one another and you have a lifetime of unhappiness ahead of you if you don't address it.

You need to advocate for the health of your own life. Don't be bullied. She might see the light if you are clear that the current situation is not OK with you. She might not, though, in which case you should consider your options regarding exiting the relationship.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

farsidejunky said:


> Agreeing to a second child is implicit endorsement, via action, that the current situation is okay with you.
> 
> The problem becomes that you cannot negotiate this for a few reasons:
> 
> ...


Yep. 

My wife once agreed to try to accelerate our sex life. I didn't get a better sex life, but I did get a third child.... which is what _she _wanted. 

Man, you're on dangerously close to life altering quicksand right now. Don't take another step....


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yep.
> 
> My wife once agreed to try to accelerate our sex life. I didn't get a better sex life, but I did get a third child.... which is what _she _wanted.
> 
> Man, you're on dangerously close to life altering quicksand right now. Don't take another step....


She does sound like the type to lie about increasing their sex life, getting pregnant, then taking him to the cleaners in what we all know to be female leaning courts.

He needs to run. RUN as fast as he can before his life is completely destroyed


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Numb26 said:


> She does sound like the type to lie about increasing their sex life, getting pregnant, then taking him to the cleaners in what we all know to be female leaning courts.
> 
> He needs to run. RUN as fast as he can before his life is completely destroyed


I don't know about any long term goal of taking him to the cleaners in court. I'm sure as long as he provides and doesn't demand too much, she'll be perfectly content with the status quo.... so long as the status quo includes another kid.... and probably another after that....


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

HD, having a another child, is never the answer. Discuss this with your wife go to a sex therapist over come the current lack of intimacy. And give it a yr or so let her help you in your relationship.


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## hubbydad (Oct 16, 2019)

Wow! Thanks so much everybody for the rapid responses! That means a lot. I'm a bit busy at the moment but I will reply later to everyones seperate questions and suggestions. All the support is really appreciated!


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## azimuth (May 15, 2018)

If you don't want more children, then please definitely tell her no this weekend. Please do not string her along with "maybe" down the line if the marriage improves. I wasted my child bearing years on my ex who always kicked the can down the road regarding more children. He always blamed the state of the marriage and not wanting to rock the boat, but really he just didn't want more. Then he eventually left anyway. I love my one child but I don't feel complete and the sight of babies makes me cry.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yep.
> 
> My wife once agreed to try to accelerate our sex life. I didn't get a better sex life, but I did get a third child.... which is what _she _wanted.



Sounds familiar... when we were trying for our second child, we were having quickies left and right, even during football matches (half time)... :laugh: She said: "this is great... I can get used to this!"... Fab, I thought... and guess what happened after the second child? :wink2:


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Get snipped and tell your wife what you think of your marriage.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I think that the “big chat” will actually be a “big listen” and you won’t be getting any say in the matter.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

hubbydad said:


> I think one more "rocky patch" and i'll be done to be honest. I want to make our marriage work, I don't want my daughter to grow up with divorced parents


The first part of this statement struck me the most. If you all are this close to the edge, another child will not help anything. You all should consider marriage counseling to try and address some of the underlying problems in the relationship first.

As for your daughter growing up with divorced parents, I get it. But kids grow up healthy and strong even if their parents aren't married. It really depends on the relationship of the parents after they divorce. If they can effectively co-parent, it is so much better for the kids.



hubbydad said:


> My wife is pushing for a second child and yet we very rarely have sex.


If you want to read a lot of stories on this, go visit Reddit, r/deadbedrooms. A second child will only increase sex _until she is pregnant_. Then back to the status quo.



hubbydad said:


> I don't want another child. The added stress would finish us off as a couple.


Combined with the above statement, I again would recommend considering some marriage counseling to address some of the problems first. Kids don't help a damaged marriage.



hubbydad said:


> My wife knows I don't want another child but is insisting on a 'big chat' at the weekend to discuss "number 2"...Quite frankly I feel like she hasn't listened to a word I've said.


You need to reiterate the fact that you don't think she hears what you are saying and don't take any flak from her about it. You all are on complete opposite sides of this topic and need to reach some sort of middle ground before any further discussion on kids should take place.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does your wife have a job, or is she a stay at home mom (SAHM)?


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> I think that the “big chat” will actually be a “big listen” and you won’t be getting any say in the matter.


My worry is that it will become the "big seduction"


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Marduk said:


> Get snipped and tell your wife what you think of your marriage.


Or get snipped and see how far you can get "trying" before she realizes something isn't working and then leave? Not seriously, of course, but it would be a funny alternative scenario to the woman who wants to trick the guy into getting her pregnant. You'd be tricking her into getting sex. Either is wrong, but one seems more wrong than the other maybe?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Casual Observer said:


> Or get snipped and see how far you can get "trying" before she realizes something isn't working and then leave? Not seriously, of course, but it would be a funny alternative scenario to the woman who wants to trick the guy into getting her pregnant. You'd be tricking her into getting sex. Either is wrong, but one seems more wrong than the other maybe?


What I would recommend is booking the appointment, informing her that you’ve decided you don’t want any more children ever and if that changes her desire to remain married, then that’s up to her.

And then I’d avoid sex of any kind until you’re tested and confirmed to be shooting blanks.

I’d also inform her that you are unsure if you even want to remain in this marriage at all, and one of the reasons is a dissatisfied sex life. Her decision at this point is to either work on that, agree to an open marriage, or divorce. 

OP owns his **** and his decisions, his wife owns her **** and her decisions. Both get to put their big kid pants on.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yep.
> 
> My wife once agreed to try to accelerate our sex life. I didn't get a better sex life, but I did get a third child.... which is what _she _wanted.
> 
> Man, you're on dangerously close to life altering quicksand right now. Don't take another step....


Similar story here.

Be quite clear with her that you do not want another child for the reasons you gave (stress, rocky marriage, etc). If you mention the lack of sex she will likely increase it so that you are lulled into thinking things are getting better, but once she gets pregnant she will revert back to where she is now.

What you are experiencing is who she is. Either your marriage is acceptable today or it is not. Having another child will only magnify the negatives. I would caution you to ensure she does not get pregnant. Don't rely on her to use birth control!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She'll tell you whatever she thinks it will take to get you to agree to a second child. If that doesn't work, then if she's the one handling birth control there will be an "accident". Don't let that happen.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Its very normal for people to want more than one child. Have you discussed in the past how many children you would both like? Most couples do, so you probably have. What did you say? Did you tell her then that you only wanted one or did you say that you wanted 2 or more?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

hubbydad said:


> Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. So I'll just jump straight in. My wife and I have been married 4 years and together for 8 years. We've had a very eventful 8 years, more than most of our other married friends. We've moved abroad and back, been through redundancy, both suffered with depression, renovated a few houses, made a few career changes and the best bit we had our first daughter who is amazing!
> We've had several ups and downs and My patience is wearing very thin. I think one more "rocky patch" and i'll be done to be honest. I want to make our marriage work, I don't want my daughter to grow up with divorced parents, I had to do it and it is not nice for kids. This year has been particularly stressful literally. I was signed off work with stress at the end of last year and start of this year from my previous job. I was on medication and going to counselling. In the end I had to leave that job for my health and after contracting and working away I have found a job that is looking promising. I am much happier, things have been better at home and future is looking good then the next bombshell!
> 
> My wife is pushing for a second child and yet we very rarely have sex. I am always initiating and getting knocked back. When we do have sex its the same old routine, in the bedroom at night, she only wants 1 position, 1 orgasm and sleep. She has made more of an effort recently, i.e. we've had sex twice in a month! But I know its because all her friends are in the process of having there 2nd kids and she wants to do the same. I have tried everything in the past to boost her libido. I do my fair share of house work and child care. I have booked us surprise nights away. etc etc. I have even tried writing her a letter explaining how I feel to avoid immediate defensiveness and arguments. I've given her the opportunity to be open, does she still feel the same way etc.
> ...


Marital counselling would be my advice. But establish the fact during marital counselling that you don't want another child and *why *you don't want another child.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Its very normal for people to want more than one child. Have you discussed in the past how many children you would both like? Most couples do, so you probably have. What did you say? Did you tell her then that you only wanted one or did you say that you wanted 2 or more?


Even if this is so, the bad post natal depression seems to have changed the situation, as far as @hubbydad is concerned.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I absolutely do not recommend a vasectomy. You have no idea what's going to happen to your marriage. The last thing you should do it permanently disable your fertility. Perhaps you don't want any more kids with her but you may meet someone you do want to have a family with and you will have taken that option away. Too much is going on in your marriage right now to make such a big decision. 

I agree you should tell her you don't want another child and stand firm on it. If your marriage is that rocky then another child will be the straw that broke the camel's back. Does she know how close you are to deciding to end your marriage? That should be the big talk this weekend, not whether to have another child.

I wish you good luck.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Its very normal for people to want more than one child. Have you discussed in the past how many children you would both like? Most couples do, so you probably have. What did you say? Did you tell her then that you only wanted one or did you say that you wanted 2 or more?


It's also "normal" for people to want to have a close, intimate, reasonably satisfying sex life in their marriage, too. Just because something is a normal want doesn't ensure it happens. If they had a normally satisfying marriage, OP would probably want the "normal" more than one child.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

hubbydad said:


> As you can see by my words I am genuinely concerned and quite resentful and angry about the whole situation. Please give me some advice folks!


You really need US to tell you?

I would have assumed THIS RIGHT HERE is answer enough:



> _*I don't want another child. The added stress would finish us off as a couple.*_


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> My wife once agreed to try to accelerate our sex life. I didn't get a better sex life, but I did get a third child.... which is what _she _wanted..


I honestly couldn't imagine being *that* devious and *that* low that I'd actually think it was ok to pull that **** on ANY man.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

hubbydad said:


> I don't want another child. The added stress would finish us off as a couple. We have a really good relationship with our daughter which we get praised for by her nursery. It really shows in her personality. She is a very happy kid and is progressing and learning very well.
> My wife suffered with post natal depression which was horrible for her and everyone involved. I think we should just be happy with what we have.


Every reason you've given for not wanting another child involves your marriage being on thin ice and your wife's probable difficulty should she experience severe PND. So, my question for you is do you not want more children or do you not want more children _with your wife_? Have you thought about it in those terms? You clearly do not want to have another child under the current circumstances, but could you see wanting another child if you were happily married to woman who gave you physical and emotional intimacy, who made you feel wanted and desired, who was passionate about you?

If you are certain that you do not want another child under any imaginable circumstance, then I suggest getting a vasectomy or you're seriously risking your wife becoming pregnant accidentally or purposefully.

If you think that, should circumstances change, having another child might be something you'd want then I suggest you use condoms consistently and carefully, and think about whether or not this marriage can be saved or if it should be ended.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Even if this is so, the bad post natal depression seems to have changed the situation, as far as @hubbydad is concerned.


Yes but she may not get that this time, and at least they will be able to spot it early this time if she does get it, so it can be treated


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Livvie said:


> It's also "normal" for people to want to have a close, intimate, reasonably satisfying sex life in their marriage, too. Just because something is a normal want doesn't ensure it happens. If they had a normally satisfying marriage, OP would probably want the "normal" more than one child.


His reasons for not wanting another child are far more than just that one thing it seems. I was wanting to know if he has always only wanted one child, and if so, did he tell his wife that. Most families have more than one.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

the good news is you will only have to reduce your sexual frequency by one or two time per month.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Yes but she may not get that this time, and at least they will be able to spot it early this time if she does get it, so it can be treated


The post natal depression is not the only issue here. The ongoing lack of desire separate from post natal depression is fueling anger and resentment. That’s not something to roll the dice on.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

hubbydad said:


> .....My wife and I have been married 4 years and together for 8 years. .....the best bit we had our first daughter who is amazing!
> .... I want to make our marriage work, I don't want my daughter to grow up with divorced parents, I had to do it and it is not nice for kids. T.....I was on medication and going to counselling.
> 
> My wife is pushing for a second child and yet we very rarely have sex.
> ...


A few things, You and your wife have had some emotional/medical issues. You have a small child, which can really interfere with sex. Your wife is probably feeling her biological clock is ticking and her opportunity to have a second child is running out. You don't want to divorce, you are afraid of having a 2nd child. 

Some people are really good at compartmentalization. That is your wife might separate satisfactory sex with you from having more children.

Yes, have a "big chat." The missing piece of information is what did you and your wife talk about earlier as to how many children you wanted to have? Are you opposed to a 2nd child or do you just need some breathing room before you consider a second child?

I strongly recommend that you tell your wife that you are committed to your marriage to her, but would like to seek some marriage counseling prior to having a 2nd child.

Good luck.


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## hubbydad (Oct 16, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> Every reason you've given for not wanting another child involves your marriage being on thin ice and your wife's probable difficulty should she experience severe PND. So, my question for you is do you not want more children or do you not want more children _with your wife_? Have you thought about it in those terms? You clearly do not want to have another child under the current circumstances, but could you see wanting another child if you were happily married to woman who gave you physical and emotional intimacy, who made you feel wanted and desired, who was passionate about you?
> 
> If you are certain that you do not want another child under any imaginable circumstance, then I suggest getting a vasectomy or you're seriously risking your wife becoming pregnant accidentally or purposefully.
> 
> If you think that, should circumstances change, having another child might be something you'd want then I suggest you use condoms consistently and carefully, and think about whether or not this marriage can be saved or if it should be ended.


Hi Everyone,

Sorry not replied I work long shifts. So the people asking about birth control, I only use condoms. Other contraception didn't really work out for my wife, effected her mood swings etc. Although wearing a condom is a bit crap for the guy it gives me the control. I trust my wife but when it comes to babies there seem to be far to many "mistakes" in relationships for my liking. So ye condoms it is!

I think if our first child had not been such a stressful experience with added mental health problems etc may be I would of considered a second child. Taking our marriage problems out of the mix, as it stands I just don't want to go through having a new born again. 

I need to sit my wife down soon and discuss how I feel. I'm just terrified that it will end our relationship. Day to day we have a nice life and love each other. Its not even how often we have sex thats the problem for me its the fact that there is zero desire from my wife. I feel like its not her fault its just who she is or has become. I don't really see how any councelling can help someone's desires. But I don't see why I should put up with a sexless marriage for the rest of my life either. Feeling lost right now. We are going to a family wedding tonight, so I don't want to have the big chat this weekend. But it needs to be soon.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hubbydad said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Sorry not replied I work long shifts. So the people asking about birth control, I only use condoms. Other contraception didn't really work out for my wife, effected her mood swings etc. Although wearing a condom is a bit crap for the guy it gives me the control. I trust my wife but when it comes to babies there seem to be far to many "mistakes" in relationships for my liking. So ye condoms it is!
> 
> ...


You didn't answer the question about how many children you had agreed to have with your wife previously. If it was 2 or 3 then you have gone back on your word. 
I hope you can sort this out, some good marriage counselling may well help.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

hubbydad said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Sorry not replied I work long shifts. So the people asking about birth control, I only use condoms. Other contraception didn't really work out for my wife, effected her mood swings etc. Although wearing a condom is a bit crap for the guy it gives me the control. I trust my wife but when it comes to babies there seem to be far to many "mistakes" in relationships for my liking. So ye condoms it is!
> 
> ...


Counseling may help you find out WHY your wife feels like she does? I presume you used to have a good sex life with her, and things have changed. The MC will help investigate WHY her desires/feelings have changed. If you don't know why, there is no chance to change it.

Oh, and as everyone has said here, DO NOT let her force you into another child. IF you are headed for divorce, more children just leads to more worries/issues. You've already said you don't want to inflict this on your daughter, so don't add MORE children to the mix.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

If the sex was good for the four years before you got married and had a child she's probably just in mommy mode. Women fall into this and it changes our desires and energy levels when children are small. It is also or doesn't have to be permanent.

Counseling might help. Also how you treat her sets the tone. Do you call her lover or mommy? She needs to break out of mommy mode. Have you two done any solo vacations without the kid? Do you still have conversations that don't involve work, house or child?


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## hubbydad (Oct 16, 2019)

Hi Everyone,
I apologise for the long delay. Its been a busy 6 months. I have had a few different jobs. I have eventually taking a job close to home, big career change, a lot less money. I was working long hours, driving long commutes. The idea was being closer to home is step towards helping my home life, but I don't think its going to save my marriage.
Thanks again so much for all the replies, it is really helping me get my own ideas together of a way forward.
Our relationship has not changed. My wife has had an operation and I have been trying different jobs. This has distracted us and delayed any big decisions so far. Now we are all on lock down in the UK from COVID19. My wife is a Nurse on the front line. Now is not the time for splitting up households, probably impossible at the moment.
My wife has been making an effort in the bedroom recently, well more like demanding me to go to bed early with her. I know she is doing this as a precursor to trying for kids which just gets me angry. It feels horrible but I have lost interest in having sex with her now, because I know what her motivations are.
I think when all the lock down comes to an end, we will have to split up. I can not see a way forward. I think its not just the 2nd child issue I think I realise now we are not compatible. I don't think any amount of counselling or romantic weekends away can fix compatibility issues.


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## hubbydad (Oct 16, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> You didn't answer the question about how many children you had agreed to have with your wife previously. If it was 2 or 3 then you have gone back on your word.
> I hope you can sort this out, some good marriage counselling may well help.


Hi, sorry for the delayed reply! I appreciate your reply. When we got married we agreed 2 kids was a nice number. But things have changed considerably since then. Yes I have gone back on my word I suppose you could say, but my wife has also changed how she is in our relationship. Marriage counselling could help, we may go down that road. I worry we might be beyond that.


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## hubbydad (Oct 16, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> If the sex was good for the four years before you got married and had a child she's probably just in mommy mode. Women fall into this and it changes our desires and energy levels when children are small. It is also or doesn't have to be permanent.
> 
> Counseling might help. Also how you treat her sets the tone. Do you call her lover or mommy? She needs to break out of mommy mode. Have you two done any solo vacations without the kid? Do you still have conversations that don't involve work, house or child?
> 
> ...


Hi sorry for the late reply, I really appreciate your feedback. Sex was good for first couple years of being together, and then we have just had a catalogue of things happen which is just life I suppose. Immigrating, moving home, renovating house, living with family, getting married, career changes etc. I always hoped once we got settled in our family home and had our careers sorted, sex life would naturally improve. We call each other mummy and daddy in front of our daughter. We have not had any quality time alone together for a while now. When we have had weekends away the sex has always been like ticking a box on a list rather than natural intimacy. Sometimes there has been no sex when we have gone away. We don't really talk about much other than work, house, child, family. I feel like we have let things carry on for to long as they have.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

hubbydad said:


> I don't think any amount of counselling or romantic weekends away can fix compatibility issues.


The thing is, you won't know until you try. If you want to end your marriage, that's entirely up to you but you should at least TRY to work things out (with a professional) before calling it quits. One day, you may want to know you did everything you could to save your marriage and family. Not look back and think "What if...". 

Therapists can help and fix more than you realize. Yes, even sexual desire and other compatibility issues.


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## hubbydad (Oct 16, 2019)

bobert said:


> The thing is, you won't know until you try. If you want to end your marriage, that's entirely up to you but you should at least TRY to work things out (with a professional) before calling it quits. One day, you may want to know you did everything you could to save your marriage and family. Not look back and think "What if...".
> 
> Therapists can help and fix more than you realize. Yes, even sexual desire and other compatibility issues.


Thanks for your reply, I know I need to make an effort. Just running out of energy for it. I need to find the motivation again for it to make it work. Counselling would definatley be a way forward. We have discussed it in the past and just bumbled along. My wife thinks nothing is wrong now. We need to sit down and have an honest discussion. This is has gone on for that long now, I'm not sure I know what I want any more. I need to make something happen so we can move forward. Just scared to do so with weeks of potential lockdown ahead of us, with coronavirus.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Good chance you’ll get the bait and switch. She is who she is and that probably won’t change. It rarely does.


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