# Arrived home....



## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Well, I arrived home unannounced. WH didn't know I was coming home. On the road for 12 hours yesterday with a bad cold or flu don't know which one. So I get home and he isn't here, he's still at church. I couldn't get in the house, I don't know if it's because I was so exhaused from the drive or I don't have the key...not sure...have to check the keys today. I smoked almost 4 packs of cigaretts on the way home, listening to the radio every song that I heard all I could think of was my WH and OW. 
He arrived and saw me in the driveway, when he got out of the car he said "well, you little devil"...that's a weird statement coming from a man who hasn't seen his wife for 3 months.
So I get in the house and he wants a hug, I'll tell you I really couldn't and didn't want to but gave him a hug like I would give a stranger...there was no feeling behind my hug.
So I start talking about the affair and wanting details of how it started etc....he has led me on a roller coaster giving different stories...he tells me it's because he's just trying to agree with me...I guess to shut me up, I don't know.
So I have found out that the first day they talked (she came on to him) after 40 min of talking they kissed (french)...well people I would call that a **** and him a man *****....he tells me he didn't speak to her for months after this that he was trying to stay away....UMMMMM a man that had a porn addiction staying away, I do find that hard to believe...Expecially after he told me he had her number under a guys name....If he was really trying to stay away in the begining he would have deleted that number.....So anyway then he tells me that they only spoke....UMMM really????? He first told me they would talk about her family, her boyfriend and thier problems etc...well later in the conversation yes they talked about sex....DUHHHH...He tells me they met at the park once and a rest stop once....so he's trying to tell me that in 7 months all they did was talk......In April I got a job that would take me out of town...that's when he ordered his Viagra and soon after I left they were hooking up at her house...And yes having sex.....
I was crying and yes angry...although I have forgiven him, which he tells me he doesn't remember me telling him this.....Another form of bull**** I believe....He could not comfort me in any way shape or form...all he did was tell me "I'm sorry for hurting you"....If I had $10 for every time I've heard I'm sorry I would have a nice savings account today....
He was on the defensive telling me it's in his nature to go on the defensive when being attacked....My feeling is he has no right to be defensive....he says he shouldn't....he told me I should understand him....Man that set me off.....NO he should understand me....
So I sent this book to him that was given to me by a councelor...I would ask him "did you read the book yet", no would be his response....I am low man on his totem pole....He has had the book which consists of 145 pages for almost a month...And guess what he has read the introduction, the first chapter where the wife finds the husband cheating....and hasn't read further....This tells me alot....he is not willing to see what I am going through....He just wants me to move forward....HA...right....!!!!
His councelor whom I pay for also suggested books for him and he has not attempted to buy one...but he can buy beer, go to the movies, buy movies etc.....
He has been verbally abusive with me, not really looking for work...I told him he needs to get on the ball...because this ATM machine is shut down...I am now a bank who will give loans with interest....
He has not been abusive with me for about 2 weeks...I found out about the affair in Aug 20, 11....so from what I have gathered...we are in false recovery....
The house is in disarray...no real attempt at cleaning it...though he hasn't been working and has plenty of time to clean...I will be talking to him about this today....the animals have no food...because his head is up his ass and he doesn't think about them....He is a very selfish and self centered man....
So I tell him last night I haven't seen him shed a tear during our talk...he tells me I cried at church....well that's great and wonderful...but I see not one ounce of true remorse...not one....I explained to him about this forum and what waywards do when they have true remorse...and what they don't do when they are not remorsefull...he is in the catagory of what they don't do.....Oh yes he mentioned a couple of times last night how if I can't get over it to file for divorce....He says he loves me....he thinks I should trust him and believe him....I don't and can't....he shows me no true love.....What am I doing?????


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

Sounds like he's gaslighting you. Have you read about 180?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

onthefence16 said:


> What am I doing?????


Waiting to be finished. Appearently, you havent gotten everything your supposed to get from this. If I had to guess, I'd say your on the last couple chapters now.


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Waiting to be finished. Appearently, you havent gotten everything your supposed to get from this. If I had to guess, I'd say your on the last couple chapters now.


:iagree:

His comment about you being "a little devil" because you showed up unannounced is telling.

His not feeding the animals is disturbing and says much about him.


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## onthefence16 (Aug 21, 2011)

Pit of my stomach....I read the book in 3 days.....and he is feeding the animals just not looking ahead to when they need food....Can you believe he actually told me tonight that he thought his job was to go to school and nothing more.....When he told me he wanted to work on the marriage while he was in the affair and I had no idea that was the plan...but not now...how could he even think that things are as they were....ugg....I am going to see his councelor with him tomorrow...He finally did get me a card and wrote some nice stuff in it on how I didn't deserve what has been done...but now I am just waiting to see what's next...really....I am going to be starting a new job which is about 116 miles away...I will be living out of town again...I will see...I think it for the best really....as we need to see where we are as far as commitment. I am commited but he...well we all know.....I did talk to him about the house...cleaning and such...I am not lifting a finger to clean it while I am here...absolutely not....he can live in the dust....He needs to get off his ass really and start showing me that he wants to help and not just live off me and my graciousness....which is coming to an end quickly.....


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