# Bad parent good parent



## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

My wife has always let me know how bad I am at parenting, but then annually in June proclaims how good of a father I am.

Got me thinking. Yesterday was at cookout with lots of young familes (late 20s early 30s). I heard every mother there constantly criticizing and sometimes laying into their husbands about something with the kid(most dads were in yard with kids or getting the food etc, most mothers were in lawn chairs chatting) Then I also heard many of these women talking about having more kids someday. Many proclaim on facebook how good daddy is with the kids on Father's Day etc. I suddenly felt like I was in a brotherhood. All of our wives complain about us going everything wrong with our kids but they all think we're great dads.. Huh? 

Any input from mothers would be welcomed. Do we suck or are we good dads? I'm confused
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

My husband would hand me my face on a plate if I complained publicly about him. That said, where we differ on parenting, we discuss and come to agreement.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I can't speak for other dads but I would never bash my partner's parenting (save when we were separated due to his infidelity because he WAS being an @sshat and he knows it).

Overall though, he has been a very good dad to both of our boys. He is very hands on and plays with them, feeds them, teaches them things etc. He doesn't hesitate to give me time to myself when I need it and our boys love him as does he love our boys.

There are things we do that are different from each other. We also have strengths where the other lacks. I suck at math but am okay with English so we share parenting homework because he isn't the best speller but is good at math. 

He is more patient than I am when it comes to talking our oldest son out of a funk. I tend to find our oldest's rude tone grating and also don't (although I will do it) particularly enjoy trying to drag out of him what's really bothering him for an hour or more. My partner is good at getting our son to open up when he's like that and lift his spirits.

I am better at dressing our kids. If I don't lay the clothes out where my partner can see them, he will find the most mismatched and ugliest combination of clothes to dress our toddler in lol. In the grand scheme of things, that the clothes are ugly isn't that important because they're clean and weather appropriate but still lol. 

He is the more over-protective parent. I tend not to want to bubble wrap our kids. If it was socially acceptable, he would make our kids wear helmets 24/7 when small because he hates to see them hurt. It's not really a flaw though, it's because he loves them. I love them too but that's why I want them to be able to pick themselves up, dust their shoulders off, wipe off their hands and go back to playing for when he or I can't be there to comfort them.

I'm sorry your wife and the other wives put you and the other dad's down. I think it's disrespectful.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I think there are a lot of things going on with this...

It is a social norm that women are good mothers and dads are buffoons. Very seldom do you hear a man complaining about how bad of a mother their wife is...because it's just not socially acceptable, yet it is expected that women will complain about their husbands.

Yet the paradox...on Facebook, brag about how great the husband is, and how good of a father he is for the feelings of superiority...holy mixed messages batman! That often come down to how she is feeling at the time with little regard to whether he is actualy a good dad or not.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> I think there are a lot of things going on with this...
> 
> It is a social norm that women are good mothers and dads are buffoons. Very seldom do you hear a man complaining about how bad of a mother their wife is...because it's just not socially acceptable, yet it is expected that women will complain about their husbands.
> 
> Yet the paradox...on Facebook, brag about how great the husband is, and how good of a father he is for the feelings of superiority...holy mixed messages batman! That often come down to how she is feeling at the time with little regard to whether he is actualy a good dad or not.


Would agree it's a touch of social engineering. Had my x do it this to me a time or two. Seemed like she more out to prove she was the superior parent and had to tell her that the dad's way wasn't the wrong way. Was just different. Now even apart we parent somewhat different I would say. At least I no longer have to listen to the nagging about it


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

Samyeager..

nail on the head. At these social places, its fun and cool to think dad is doing it wrong. oh that jimmy, hes always not mixing billy's juice/water right. 

I was once told "you suck at parenting". this was a year ago or so. When I see facebook posts or the fathers day card from my wife (i love the one from my daughter), it makes me want to puke. So much so that i told her this in june after fathers day. Sort of "thanks for the card, but please refrain from any fathers day acknowledgement of me as a parent going forward. "

thanks for the feedback folks. seems like there may be a lot of others in the same boat (definately are in our circle of friends/fam)


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is not normal behaviour in my world, maybe it is the norm in your country. I have never witness this sort of mob mentality where the women sit around complaining about the dads. It is not evident in my FB circle, at school, work.
Maybe it is a cultural thing in your part of the world.

Here the only complaints I hear are from my sister whos ex has just been arrested for his intimidating actions post divorce, yeah his is a poor excuse for a parent and the occasional comment from a GF.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Like Holland, "husband complaining" doesn't really happen in my world that often and I don't do it myself. When it does happen I think to myself, "You married the guy, what does that make you?"


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

What makes you "suck" as a parent, in her opinion? 

I think SamYeager's exactly right. I know I always felt like the superior parent. Time has shown me that my children didn't necessarily agree. 

Hang in there.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'm a zillion times better than wifey as a parent - I understand teenagers as well as any teenager. I can predict crises or resolve them.

The moron / person who will look at me in the face and tell me i did not do x y or z is dead wrong.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> My husband would hand me my face on a plate if I complained publicly about him. That said, where we differ on parenting, we discuss and come to agreement.


I don't criticize my wife in public. She doesn't do it either.

We may have a nasty nasty fight going on. But it is between us and only we are to be entertained by it.


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

KathyBatesel said:


> What makes you "suck" as a parent, in her opinion?
> 
> I think SamYeager's exactly right. I know I always felt like the superior parent. Time has shown me that my children didn't necessarily agree.
> 
> Hang in there.


lot of things.

I dont dress her to my wife's standards, even when we're headed to the playground or to the bakery at 7am. We differ on how many chances B3 gets before a consequence takes place, i offer less chances. I have raised my voice at B3 and taken serious heat for it, though my wife has shrieked at b3 for "being up too early" or messing up her hair before we head to target. I once didnt ask the waitress for a water with the juice, so that we could mix it. I do lots of things that represent epic failures. 

-"oh that dad, he doesnt know what he's doing as a parent"
-Then on a Sunday in June, "thank you for being the greatest father in the world to our daughter. you are truly a great dad and we love you for it" followed by a facebook obligatory family photo post

I thought it was just me, until I watch these other couples at these gatherings. Probably not the right thing to do, but i called her on it this past fathers day. Not sure it helped, but it felt good to say. Also heard B3 ask mom if she doesnt like daddy sometimes . B3 sees me take heat for putting a green sweatshirt on her instead of a blue one, and she'll ask mom "if she has to yell at dad now". Poor girl. She shouldnt even recognize that at her age.

but to your point, I'm hanging in there. B3 and I have a killer relationship.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I think we as a society have gotten to the point where motherhood is akin to saint hood, and the children are the idols. Even the common language here and in general is telling...dads are often asked if they HELP their wives with the kids...reduced to being the helper huh? With that being the ingrained, almost subconscious mindset...it's no wonder so many dads are looked at and treated as the hired help.


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## Binji (Jun 25, 2014)

I wouldnt put too much stock in it. A cookout is a prime place for women to gossip and vent about their husbands. The conversation is not to be taken seriously. Women love to One up each other on what their husbands cant do. I mean theyre saying things like "Danny forgot to put on mikeys underwear correctly, I have two kids I live with" Its real minor type mishaps, Like how you let a child eat a big bowl of cereal or let him stay up late. Women and food breed these type of convos. I would consider it harmless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

According to facebook everyone has a picture perfect family. I dont criticize my husbands parenting to my friends, that is just wrong. I do think I am a better parent lol because I am more patient and am a lot more involved BUT my husband works very hard as an industrial electrician which allows me to be a sahm and supports the kids and I thank him for what he does for our family. To sit around and gossip is so childish. Oh but make up for it on fathers day. What a mind fvck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Binji said:


> I wouldnt put too much stock in it. A cookout is a prime place for women to gossip and vent about their husbands. The conversation is not to be taken seriously. Women love to One up each other on what their husbands cant do. I mean theyre saying things like "Danny forgot to put on mikeys underwear correctly, I have two kids I live with" Its real minor type mishaps, Like how you let a child eat a big bowl of cereal or let him stay up late. Women and food breed these type of convos. *I would consider it harmless.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't. You know the old saying...you tell a lie enough, you start to believe it?

ETA: I expect my wife to be mature enough, respectful enough, and well, grown up enough to not participate in those kinds of conversations. Of course, I try my best not to give her anything to participate with.


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## Vivid (Aug 28, 2014)

I've never done it and I've never heard it done among women I know.

Maybe you need better quality women in your life or something.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Being a good parent is easy if you really think about it. All it requires is just being around (I know, it requires WAY more than that).

I would've LOVED to walk into that conversations with the ladies.....and remind them of how many fathers are completely absent from their kids life.

Then, take a HARD look at your own parents and see how much time they invested into your childhood and how much they were around.

Yeah, most dads right now are 10x better than parents even a generation ago.......

Just to give you an example, out of 5 girls that were pregnant in high school, I was the ONLY father to stick around/support etc. All others NEVER EVEN SEEN THEIR KIDS UNTIL THIS DAY.

Also, identify the person in front of you OP. If these women are sitting there and complaining about their loved ones, what does that tell you about the kind of people they are. If they have issues, take it up with their SO, not random people you talk to.

read: stay way from these kind of people


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Like Holland, soccermom2three and Vivid, I haven't lived that either, it simply hasn't been the case amongst our friends.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Well when you get a bunch of Nice Guys/Doormats in relationships, they will idly sit by while their wives speak ill of them in public and think, "Man I should do better! I'll show her!"

Time to promptly grab your nutsack and stop tolerating the disrespect, especially in public. I bet if she thought she'd be on her own financially and have to do 100% of the child raising and responsibility on her individual parenting time her tune might change.

The kind of guy who would tolerate this kind of brow-beating and mockery is the kind of guy who probably would NEVER consider leaving his wife.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Let your wife know that my kids' dad has disowned and refuses to talk to his oldest daughter, for reasons unknown......hasn't seen his middle son in over a year, has very brief moments of "hi" in passing to his oldest son, and does spend a couple of weeks in the summer with his youngest son......never phone calls except for birthdays (to the ones he talks to) and extremely rare texts. She is taking you for granted and disrespecting you. Sure, women talk and vent, but not mixing juice correctly? What kind of petty BS is that?

Edited to add: My BF has wholeheartedly taken up the "father figure" role without even hinting at being "daddy." I love him so much more for it. And he has never once picked out clothes for the kids to wear, or even driven them anywhere. But he is THERE. And he spends quality time with them. Bless ALL of you men who love your kids (or kids you don't have to love!)


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