# To women who think smoking is a dealbreaker, are e-cigarettes also a dealbreaker?



## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

I'm a smoker, about half a pack a day. I know alot of women don't like this and I can understand that. If you don't like smoking its probably impossible to live with a smoker as the smell gets everywhere.

But what about e-cigarettes and vaping? Would a woman who thinks normal smoking is a dealbreaker also consider this a dealbreaker? With e-cigarettes and vaping theres not really much of a smell and the smoke is not at all as hamrful as normal cigarettes.

I'm just curious as I have recentley started using a "vapor" and I'm considering switiching to it full time.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

That's up to the individual woman, I'd imagine.


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

Starstarfish said:


> That's up to the individual woman, I'd imagine.


Yes I know not all women think alike. But I'd be intrested in hearing individual womens view on this. Specificly those who think normal smoking is a dealbreaker.

It doesn't even have to be women. What about men who would think smoking is a dealbreaker in a woman. Would you be okay if she used e-cigarettes or vapors?


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

it would be a deal breaker for me. Dad was a smoker, it just totally grosses me out. Sorry. I know that sounds judgemental.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Yeah...I WISH my husband would totally switch to vapors. I'm a non and he smokes. And the thing that drives me insane about it is I'm forced (and our son) to be a smoker now too via second hand smoke and his total lack of consideration, and the fact out whole house and everything in it is going to be trashed from it. So the e-cigs would be nice.


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

Giro flee said:


> it would be a deal breaker for me. Dad was a smoker, it just totally grosses me out. Sorry. I know that sounds judgemental.


Yeah but e-cigarettes and vapors are a totally different thing though. Its nothing like normal cigarettes.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Part of that might depend on how old you are and the age you are looking for in female partners. 

Younger women might be more bothered by it because they might be pondering their future plans and whether or not you would continue to vape around future children. Because "not as harmful" /= / safe. Older women who aren't looking to have children might be less bothered. 

Also it might depend on how ingrained vaping and the ability to vape/smoke is central to your life. Like do you decide on restaurants or activities based on where you can smoke? Are you upset if plans interrupt your ability to vape? Even if you no longer smoke, do you have friends that smoke? Will they be coming over to your place and smoking? 

For example - my mother and stepfather smoked heavily when I was younger. Menthols, ugh. As such, I personally can't stand smoking. Over-exposure early, probably. They have no switched to vaping and when I visit them, I don't notice the smell, so it doesn't bother me. 

But - my stepdad is kind of obsessed about his vaping. He custom mixes his flavors in a like mad-scientist way and then brings three different sticks with different combos everywhere and God forbid one is misplaced and life grinds to a halt until it is found. He gets bored and agitated if my mother makes any plans that include being inside somewhere he can't vape at leisure (like going to the movies.)

So - sometimes it's not the activity itself that might be a deal breaker about the behavior about it. 

If you don't plan on quitting, the way to handle this seems to be to have first dates at a place where vaping is acceptable and see her reaction to it. I mean, if it's really important to you it seems better to find out sooner rather than later.


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## Moops (Sep 26, 2014)

Starstarfish said:


> Part of that might depend on how old you are and the age you are looking for in female partners.
> 
> Younger women might be more bothered by it because they might be pondering their future plans and whether or not you would continue to vape around future children. Because "not as harmful" /= / safe. Older women who aren't looking to have children might be less bothered.
> 
> ...


I only vape at home and use cigarettes whenever I'm not at home. 

I'm thinking I would just say something like "Speaking of nothing, I smoke and I vape. Is this a problem?" on a hypothetical first date or is this maybe to blunt?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Well, I mean, there might be slightly more buffered ways of stating the question, but I don't think it's too blunt to ask, no.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Yes. Ask this on the first date.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

DayDream said:


> Yeah...I WISH my husband would totally switch to vapors. I'm a non and he smokes. And the thing that drives me insane about it is I'm forced (and our son) to be a smoker now too via second hand smoke and his total lack of consideration, and the fact out whole house and everything in it is going to be trashed from it. So the e-cigs would be nice.


Can't he smoke outside? He really should.

My hubby is a smoker, and he always goes outside - I've never asked him to, he just has always done it.

I wish he'd give up that filthy, disgusting habit...ugh.


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## NWCooper (Feb 19, 2013)

Moops said:


> I'm a smoker, about half a pack a day. I know alot of women don't like this and I can understand that. If you don't like smoking its probably impossible to live with a smoker as the smell gets everywhere.
> 
> But what about e-cigarettes and vaping? Would a woman who thinks normal smoking is a dealbreaker also consider this a dealbreaker? With e-cigarettes and vaping theres not really much of a smell and the smoke is not at all as hamrful as normal cigarettes.
> 
> I'm just curious as I have recentley started using a "vapor" and I'm considering switiching to it full time.


It would be a deal breaker for me. I don't find smoking in any form attractive.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I married a guy who is a smoker in 2000. He agreed to a few rules at the time.

He would never smoke in the house. 

He would brush his teeth, and do other hygiene things to keep down the smell.

Over the years he started smoking in the house. I got on him. He promised to stop. But as it turned out he was smoking in the house when I was not there and when I was sleep or in another room.

Over a few years I developed a reaction (allergies? not sure?) to the smoke. I got sick from it and started to get a cough. Then had pneumonia 2 winters in a row.

I got him an ecig and told him to use that or move out.

He's been using an ecig since. The ecig never bothered me.

So yes I hate smoking. I hate the smell. It makes me ill.

But I have no problem with ecigs. 

by the way, he says that since the started using the ecig he feels healthier, can breath better, can taste food now, etc.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

frusdil said:


> Can't he smoke outside? He really should.
> 
> My hubby is a smoker, and he always goes outside - I've never asked him to, he just has always done it.
> 
> I wish he'd give up that filthy, disgusting habit...ugh.


Buy him a good ecig for Christmas. 

They are a good way to quit smoking because he can step down the amount of nicotine in the liquid over time. I know several smokers who have done that.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Smoking is not a deal breaker for me. I don't smoke nor drink alcoholic beverages; just my choice. My husband smoked and drunk alcoholic beverages before we got married. Today, he smokes in the house under the stove's fan or go outside for a smoke as I am asthmatic.

I have no need to change my husband. I'm happy with the way he is. I married him 35 years ago. No regrets.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

For me, yes. As another poster said, any form of smoking (or fake smoking) is a complete turn off. 

With that said, if my husband was a smoker and switched to ecigs I could handle that if it meant no more smoke, smell etc. However, I would not start dating someone who did any form of real or fake smoking. If my husband started smoking, there would be hell to pay and I would NOT put up with it. Second hand smoke is even more dangerous and our son would not be around it at all.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Moops said:


> I'm thinking I would just say something like "Speaking of nothing, I smoke and I vape.


Why would you (or anyone else) start a sentence with "speaking of nothing". 

What does that even mean? If you're really speaking about nothing, then why say anything at all?

It's almost like "and whatnot".

Never figured that one out either.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I married a guy who is a smoker in 2000. He agreed to a few rules at the time.
> 
> He would never smoke in the house.
> 
> ...


Is your husband passive/aggressive in other ways? Have you had to give him other ultimatums to get him to see things your way and be reasonable?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

My husband tried ecig and all the others. No dice. I got him to at least smoke out the front door. But for some reason the past couple years he goes to the front foyer, doesn't bother opening the door, and smokes. I told him there's no point in smoking there if he isn't going to open the door. He should just smoke in the office then. Why bother? He ignored me.


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## shalom_82 (Nov 23, 2014)

Hello. I'm 32 and have considered smoking and tobacco products to be a deal breaker since I started dating.

From my perspective, which is pretty strong against dating someone who smokes, I put e-cigarettes in the same category as cigarettes and consider them to be a big no no.

So, if you wanted to date someone with my same position on smoking, you'd have to give up all nicotine. It's not just the smell and smoke that I'm against. It's the chew and even gum and lozenges. 

Of course, people make compromises and an e-cigarette is a great compromise. I recognize that. Please note that e-cigarettes say right on the box that they are not a smoking cessation product, so they really are not as good as say nicorette or nicoderm.

Personally, if I had to choose a nicotine product for you, I'd suggest the patch because you aren't "chewing" or "sucking" on your "cigarette" right in front me, and showing me right to my face that you are getting your fix.

I hope this isn't mean! I'm sorry if it is. I don't want to be mean. It really is just my one opinion. I hope it helps.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband smoked when I met him.. he was 18.. I told him it was me or the cigs.... the way I seen it ....the waste of money for one.. he only worked in a grocery store... plus you ruin your health (emphysema, coughing, hacking, lung disease)...and who wants to kiss an ashtray.. not so good for the penis in later life either (not that I knew this at the time)...

He quit... never touched them again. Brought this up to him earlier tonight, asked him if I was pushy.... he told me I did him a favor.. So yeah I'm one of those who wouldn't want to marry a smoker. Though this doesn't define whether someone is a good person or not, for instance his father smoked his entire life.. Loved that man [email protected]#$... 

Now having said all of this, I was young and WE had our whole lives ahead of us....I cared about what the future might bring, saving for a house, our health.. 

If I found myself single today...being a Mid lifer...I wouldn't have the dating pool I had in my youth...so some things I'd have to get over myself on, compromise... 

If I met someone who smoked who had many other things I dearly appreciated... I can't see this being the deal breaker I felt back then...

The Vapor thing doesn't sound bad for health anyway.. ..that's an improvement!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lenzi said:


> Is your husband passive/aggressive in other ways? Have you had to give him other ultimatums to get him to see things your way and be reasonable?


He's actually my ex. We divorced in 3/2012.

Yes he is very passive aggressive. He spent 10 years playing video games and surfing the internet from 8 am to midnight, 7 days a week. (I am not exaggerating). All the while I finished raising his 2 children and my son, worked a full time job, and did 100% of the house/yard chores. 

So yea, he's passive aggressive.

And yep, the divorce was a big ultimatum.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

shalom_82 said:


> Hello. I'm 32 and have considered smoking and tobacco products to be a deal breaker since I started dating.
> 
> From my perspective, which is pretty strong against dating someone who smokes, I put e-cigarettes in the same category as cigarettes and consider them to be a big no no.
> 
> ...


Do you drink alcohol?

Of course you have the right to chose who you date on your own criteria.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> My husband smoked when I met him.. he was 18.. I told him it was me or the cigs.... the way I seen it ....the waste of money for one.. he only worked in a grocery store... plus you ruin your health (emphysema, coughing, hacking, lung disease)...and who wants to kiss an ashtray.. not so good for the penis in later life either (not that I knew this at the time)...
> 
> He quit... never touched them again. Brought this up to him earlier tonight, asked him if I was pushy.... he told me I did him a favor.. So yeah I'm one of those who wouldn't want to marry a smoker. Though this doesn't define whether someone is a good person or not, for instance his father smoked his entire life.. Loved that man [email protected]#$...
> 
> ...


I don't know SA... I seriously encourage you that if (God forbid) the day ever came that you are dating to not date or get hooked up with a smoker. It's a very hard thing for a non-smoker to deal with.


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## shalom_82 (Nov 23, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Do you drink alcohol?
> 
> Of course you have the right to chose who you date on your own criteria.


Simple answer is yes. Lately, I haven't been drinking but more than a drink a few times a year. I drank more when I was single and more into socializing.

Thanks for the validation


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