# My Story and Beginning Recovery



## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

Bh 43, WW 40. Married for 8.5 years. Together over 10. One stepdaughter 16. One child together, a beautiful little girl 6 years old.

I never thought I would be here. A decade ago, I went on my second date with my wife and despite not being an overly emotional person, I looked in her eyes and thought she could be the one. She felt the same and we have been together ever since. 

Nobody believes me now, but it was a good marriage. We had some differences, but worked through them and always loved each other. There was almost no drama. No fighting. We both compromised to prevent it. In 10 years I have only raised my voice to her once, during this discovery.

Last year, we became much closer and more intimate. We both sat down last December and told each other our marriage was in the best place it had ever been.

Her birthday was in January. She turned 40. It seemed to change her and she became much more withdrawn from me and the kids. Started worrying more about appearance. I tried to talk to her and she thought it was hormones. She went to the Dr. and eventually had surgery. It didn't change her back though. She seemed to respond best to space, so I didn't push. One night she asked me to meet her at a restaurant rather than coming home. She had snooped through my phone and had questions about some emails. All were innocent, but she asked me to get a hotel room. So I did. I didn't know what to do and she wouldn't talk.

I have never really used twitter, but I knew she did. One day I signed up and looked her up. Her account was protected, but I found a lot of inappropriate innuendo from one man. I tried to ignore it. I tried to assume I was reading more into it than it was. 

At this time, she was being very secretive. She locked her phone for the first time. 

She was becoming more detached and simply being mean. I was raising the girls alone. The older one told me she was thinking of moving in with her Dad.

I was hurting at this time. I asked her to talk. We set up a time where I left early from work and I had the little one being watched. She didn't show and claimed to be getting her nails done.

That Sunday we went to a play our little one was in at her Mother's church. She was simply an ass that day. She insulted several people who simply tried to speak to her. You could almost see the steam coming off her head all day. She told the family she was leaving early.

Monday, I did what I never thought I would do. She had given me password to some account and I tried it on her email. I snooped. And there it was. The man from twitter. Love emails back and forth. Secretive meetings while I was at work. Even a hotel reservation he had sent her but she had not responded too.

So, I confronted her. She told me to not come home. 

Two days later, I get an email saying she wanted a divorce and blaming me for the breakdown of the marriage by withdrawing. Her affair was one sentence. She said it was just fantasy and talk.

So, we remained apart for a few days. She went out of town for a holiday as she said she did not want to be with her family. 

I was hurting. I wrote all my feelings down. I found it helped. And I emailed them to her. I also told her that I was not willing to give up yet and would like to try to reconcile. She came back home and kissed me. We talked. I stayed. They conversed on twitter and she sent me an email saying it was over.

This went on a few more times. Sometimes she would say she loved me. I would come home. They would twitter, and she wanted me gone. 

We began to talk about divorce. She wanted to retain the home but offered to leave if "I would not leave her alone".

Over labor day week, she went with family on vacation. I happened to be at the gym. I see her pass on the way home way earlier than expected. 10 minutes later, she drives up an gets into a truck with what I assume is this man. They make out. I wait a bit then tell her we need to talk. I told her what happened. Told her what I felt about her. Asked her how she could be this person and do this to us and the children. She said she was not going to end up with him as he was married with two very small children. I asked her if her offer to leave was still open. She said yes. I asked her to start looking.

We began alternating weeks with the little one. I got her Wednesday of that week as she had to go to school. The little one was scared. Apparently her mother had left early in the morning to go to the gym and meet this man. the little one went around the house looking for her until she read a note. That night was the second time I raised my voice at her.

Friday night, they spend the night together. In "our" home. 

I was done. But, At this point, I am thinking something is wrong with her. She is not the same person, wife, or mother. She would have though ill of any of her friends that would have behaved as such. She was always an attentive mother. I am ashamed to admit, but Friday morning in discussing money for the settlement, I offered to pay her requested amount if she would agree to therapy, either individual or marriage, prior to the filing. She said she would consider it. but obviously had other plans.

I filed on my terms. I am the domiciillary parent. She agreed. She can never move my girl away from me. I have the signed affidavits waiting to turn them in to the lawyer. she agreed to far less money too.

She signed a lease and will be renting a house in our neighborhood. I did not like it, but couldn't stop it. And maybe I will see my stepdaughter more. Luckily, I can't see her house or have to drive by it.

I can't play the big strong man. This shook me to my very core and I am a shell of what I was before. I have lost weight and can barely sleep. God, i loved my old wife. I have only started to feel a little better and am able to laugh this week. I think I have a long way to go. I should be back in my home in a two weeks. If I can even live there. I might just put a for sale sign up. I am going to burn our bed. She is taking the living room furniture. We will see.

The things that have helped me are unwavering support of family and reading similar stories. I really appreciate what I have read here. 

Two things that have struck me and gave me strength. 

Let Her Go. That is my motto now. And the woman you are divorcing is not the woman you married. Powerful and true. She changed. I didn't. I can not prevent her from changing or change her back. She is what she is. Pining for her is dumb logically. Who would want someone that is capable of what she has done. I will always love my old wife and remember the good years fondly. Not sure I will be lucky to be that happy again. But it is no more and I can't change it. I loved the woman of last year, but she is no more.

Thanks for reading and I hope my story will help someone else. It didn''t have to be bad to go bad very quickly! An affair is not your fault.


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

One other thing that has helped.

I have gone from a life with no drama to this, which I described to her as living in a Jerry Springer episode.

I am at the point where i don't have to put up with that anymore.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I certainly hope you exposed the affair to posoms wife. If not do so promptly. She has a right to know. 

Get tested for stds. 

Stay strong and active. Focus on yourself and your child. 

It will continue to get better and you can rebuild your life minus the lying cheating spouse. 

You have learned some valuable lessons for the future. Secrecy has no place in a marriage. As well as other lessons.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

So, sorry you're here metalman99. You're in a better place mentality than most people who post here.



metalman99 said:


> God, i loved my old wife.


It takes a lot of BS (Betrayed Spouses) time to come to the realisation that they are still in love with someone who no longer exists.

Have you told the OMW (Other Man's Wife) yet?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you exposed the affair to the other mans wife and to friends and family?

It sounds like you've been passively waiting in the wings hoping she will stop on her own.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

In hindsight, what do you think was the reason for her going off the rails the way she did?

Did you ever find out who the other man is, how she met him, and when their affair started?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

azteca1986 said:


> Have you told the OMW (Other Man's Wife) yet?


This, do it pronto. Don't warn your wife at all.
This woman needs this very relevant info in order to make informed decision for her own life. Don't let her in the dark about it. Your wife and this other man and playing with her rights to decide, maybe plotting what her future is going to be without her input.
It's simply the right thing to do, don't let her being played like a puppet.


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

I have not contacted the OMW. I did find her number and called but it was never answered.

She knows I do believe. Probably not the extent. In the emails, my wife did mention that his wife was texting her constantly. I presume to get her to leave her husband alone. I do not know their status. I do believe she deserves to know.

I am waiting for the court to sign the judgement. It gives me my protection for my child. And it separates community property. I should be in my house at that time too. Then I will let her family know. I want them to understand why this happened so that they don't think less of me. It what conversations I have had, she has told them nothing.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

*Metalman* - truly sorry to hear of what's happening based on what sounds like a 'perfect' marriage (if such a thing exists)

It makes me feel extra bad, because your marriage is one that makes me now see what a sham _mine _was. It was a Jerry Springer Special, all on its own...
I have problems accepting from other people saying that my wife finding another man, us separating and currently going through divorce isn't 100% my fault (I feel it _is_)

Is there any way back for you and wife at all or is she in love with the OM?


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

She did say the man was an old boyfriend before she met me.

What made her change. Not sure. I begged her to let me bring her to the doctor and therapy. No go.

She is simply obsessed with this man. I hope I am not looking through rose-colored glasses and truly think I am not, but this is a complete reversal of character for the her I knew. This is the hardest part for me. How could this be and why?? 

Maybe this is her soulmate. I don't know. I do know it is more important to her than her marriage and family. Therefore, she is getting what she wants.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

metalman99 said:


> We began alternating weeks with the little one. I got her Wednesday of that week as she had to go to school. *The little one was scared. Apparently her mother had left early in the morning to go to the gym and meet this man. the little one went around the house looking for her until she read a note. * That night was the second time I raised my voice at her.
> 
> Friday night, they spend the night together. In "our" home.


Are you saying she left your 6-year-old alone in the house for an hour or more, figuring that you would be there "soon" to pick her up? What if something would have happened to you, like you got into an accident or even got pulled over for a traffic stop, or hit traffic? If this is the case, how do you now feel safe leaving your daughter with your wife? Have you considered going to court to get custody NOW based on your wife's reckless behavior (I think it is "neglect" to leave a 6-year-old alone)?

Also, was the other man in the house with your daughter and step-daughter there? Do you know how much sexual abuse occurs in these types of situations - this guy is an unknown quantity to you, there is no way he should be staying with your children.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

metalman99 said:


> 1 - She did say the man was an old boyfriend before she met me.
> 
> 2 - What made her change. Not sure. I begged her to let me bring her to the doctor and therapy. No go.
> 
> ...


1 - Classic 'red flag'

2 - Mid-Life Crsis after turning 40?

3 - See, 2, above

4 - Has it gone physical yet?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

metalman99 said:


> She is simply obsessed with this man.


How obsessed she is with this guy ranks right up there with any story I've read on this forum.

1. Get custody of your child.

2. Check with your lawyer what should be done about leaving the 6-year-old alone and bringing the other man into the house with your girls. Even if the girls were not there, find out what you can do to prevent it in the future BEFORE it even happens.

3. Go through with your plan to clue in the other man's wife about what you know, how obsessed your wife is, and to tell your wife's family what she has done. Be prepared to show some proof to her family, because if she has been as stable as you describe up until recently, they may not believe you.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Why the hell aren't you in your house NOW?! Why are you letting your POS wife bring another man in YOUR home? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??????????? :banghead::banghead:


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

I should clarify. The older daughter - 16 - was home at the time she left to meet this man early in the AM. She intended to be home well before she normally woke the children up. I called my lawyer and family services and they said there would be no case. The reality of it is the older daughter would never wake up and was in her room asleep. The little one woke up scared. Neglect - I agree. I was more mad that night than I ever have been. When confronted, she immediately was ashamed and swore it would never happen again. I told her child services would be involved next time and I would go for full custody.

I don't know why i am making excuses for her, but she was ashamed and I don't believe she will ever do something like that again.

My lawyer thinks it would be a waste to try for more than 50-50 with me being maned domicile for school and decision making purposes. Says this arrangement is rare as it is.

The man has never been around the children. She and he both sneak away to meet. The night in our home I had the little one (staying at my Mother's house and the she was home when i saw it). I don't believe she will introduce unless they are free to be an item. If for nothing else than her own reason's to maintain her image.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

metalman99 said:


> One night she asked me to meet her at a restaurant rather than coming home. She had snooped through my phone and had questions about some emails. All were innocent, but she asked me to get a hotel room. So I did. I didn't know what to do and she wouldn't talk.


Metalman - can you clarify what's this all about?


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

Why am I not in my home - great question.

I have a stepdaughter that I have helped raise since 5. If her mother left, she would take her. I have no legal rights. I offered for her to stay but her mother refused. So, I left rather than displacing her child. They would have to stay with family an hour away. 

It was stupid for me to leave, but I did to not displace my stepdaughter. Hell, my daughter. I love her like my own.


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

davecarter said:


> Metalman - can you clarify what's this all about?


I was applying for a handgun permit. In this process, one has to disclose all infractions. I was invited years ago on a dove hunt. Unknown to me, the hosts had baited the field and I was cited. I had no remaining paperwork on this. I couldn't even remember the year. I emailed the state police/FBI on the process to pull my own record to see if it was there and to get the dates as I was required to disclose.

She went off on some tirade that I must be some sort of criminal and was leading a second life. I explained and I think she finally accepted. She knew I was applying as I asked her to join me.

Honestly, as much as it hurts, I think the affair started then. I think she was looking for something, anything to justify what she was about to do. She looked through my papers, all email accounts, and everything. This was all she had.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stay the course, but in the same breath I suggest you make this affair as inconvenient and as uncomfortable as possible.

I understand you want the best out come in the divorce and want to play nice, but its seems clear something changed her and in the same breath what can change her back ...not for you but for her kids.

Again expose the affair to OMW and offer any info she may want, call her parents...especially the one she most respects in life be it a best friend or relitive...even if it someone in her immediate family, but that person that she respects the most may have the influence to continue to work on her so that she does get back to the mother she once was.

My point is not to get your old wife back but to get the kids mother back...especially the 16yr old...she is at that age were a path is being established...if you know what I mean?

Do you think drugs are involved?


In addition its not uncommon for 3-6 month to go by and her come crawling back. I have read some post here were the WW/WAW do come back. IDK if thats good or bad for you....but we both can agree that it will be very good for the kids.

Again you can let her go , but in the same breath contact person your wife respects the most out of life and asking them for their support for your wife and her children. Inform this person , for your own emotional health you have to let your wife go, but would like to request her intervention in being there in the hopes of bring the kids back their mother....


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

metalman99 said:


> Why am I not in my home - great question.
> 
> I have a stepdaughter that I have helped raise since 5. If her mother left, she would take her. I have no legal rights. I offered for her to stay but her mother refused. So, I left rather than displacing her child. They would have to stay with family an hour away.
> 
> It was stupid for me to leave, but I did to not displace my stepdaughter. Hell, my daughter. I love her like my own.


So you all stay until the divorce....that way your wife can't bring her skanky OM into your home. Move your ass back into that house immediately. I would burn it down now that she has screwed another man in it though.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Moving back home would for sure make the affair as inconvienent and uncomfortable as possible.


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

the guy said:


> Stay the course, but in the same breath I suggest you make this affair as inconvenient and as uncomfortable as possible.
> 
> I understand you want the best out come in the divorce and want to play nice, but its seems clear something changed her and in the same breath what can change her back ...not for you but for her kids.
> 
> ...


Sage advise. Thanks. Honestly, my last offer for therapy was more geared towards getting her back to the mother she once was rather than getting my wife back. I knew it would be just another round of heartache for me. I am so worried for the 16 year old (Turns 16 SUNDAY!!). Her mother now seems done with her and has relaxed her once very strict rules and guidance. God, I hope she doesn't end up pregnant.

That is something that you read about a lot. You marry a person with children. You love them as your own and help raise them. Something like this happens and bam - you have no rights.

I talk to her most days and we go eat once a week and talk. i will leave her bedroom for her. What else can I do but grieve the loss of her too?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you do go back get a VAR to prevent from falseDV charge.

What I mean carry a voice activated recorder on your person just in case she call the cops on you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My point wasn;t about *you* doing the heavy lifting to bring back their mother....Its finding that one person your wife respects the most to take over for the sake of the kids.

See what I mean?

In taking over I mean get more involved...were as for you you can no longer have any influence, you have been replace, but there has to bo some person out there that still can have an influence...a positive influence!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Keep working on contacting the OMW his perents and anyone else that makes this affair as inconvienet and as uncomfortable as possible.

Not to bring her out of the fog for you but for her kids


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

honestly..... i never understand why men or women prefer to "protect" or "try to forgive" the A. of thier partners!
Hoping to R.? 
Hoping that love is as before?
Hoping that everything can be forgotten?
hoping it's only a fog and soon all will be ok?

I can try to strain if ther would be truely remorse,,,, 
but when those partners love there dream land situation and dont give a fxxxk about you, then I start thinking that peaple who can keep up with that are masochist's.

I sincerly do not want to offend nobody, but how much pain are you willing to pass before taking a firm decision in changing thing's for your best way?

MetalMan... man-up!

sorry if my English is'nt correct.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I remember one thread were the BH (betrayed husband) befriended the OM parents. The BH did all he could to infect the affair.

I mean his WW was so far gone she got a tattoo of the OM name.

After months of stressing the affair the OM become very controlling and the WW broke it off and went back to her family.

Point here is there is hope. What sucks most of the time the BH's completely let go by the time the affair fantasy falls apart and the WW is left with nothing but regret and resentment from the kids especiall if the kids are older.

I pity your wife, the % are really high that in time she will be full of nothing but regret, and there isn;t a dam thing you can do about it except keep making the affair as inconvient and as uncomfortable as possible.

In the end though your emotional health is most important so do whats best for you and your kids.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

jack.c said:


> honestly..... i never understand why men or women prefer to "protect" or "try to forgive" the A. of thier partners!
> Hoping to R.?
> Hoping that love is as before?
> Hoping that everything can be forgotten?
> ...


I think OP is manning up...phuck he is letting go and divorcing someone he onced love.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Besides exposing the affair, I suggest you get her served ASAP.

The reality of her choices must hit her sooner then later....your kids are depending on it.

Hell if your luck you can always withdraw the petition for D if she pulls her head out of her @ss.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> Besides exposing the affair, I suggest you get her served ASAP.
> 
> The reality of her choices must hit her sooner then later....your kids are depending on it.
> 
> Hell if your luck you can always withdraw the petition for D if she pulls her head out of her @ss.


:iagree:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

mm99, whats your take on going back home?

You will need the advise from this community to help you thru that.


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

jack.c said:


> honestly..... i never understand why men or women prefer to "protect" or "try to forgive" the A. of thier partners!
> Hoping to R.?
> Hoping that love is as before?
> Hoping that everything can be forgotten?
> ...



I can't argue with you in regards to me. I wish I would have let go rather than dreaming of my old wife back and trying to believe her when it didn't make sense. Luckily, I can say I reached that point and honestly, it is the only thing that has made me feel better.

However, I have my girls. I will do things to my own detriment to make this transition as smooth as possible to them. I won't displace them from their schools. hell i am expecting a call and having to help with rent on day in the near future. I will do that for my stepdaughter. I will try to make their lives have as little change as possible in the interim. And they know I love them and care even if their mother is withdrawing. I won't tell them what happened until adulthood, if then. Their mother will always be their mother. If that makes me less of a macho man, guilty as charged.


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## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

First and foremost you need to take care of yourself and your children.

You said it before. The woman you loved is not here now. Maybe she will come back, maybe she won't. Even if she does you are going to have to decide if you want her back after destroying your trust. That will never come back.

Many people go through a mid-life crisis. Does not give them a free pass to cheat, lie, and hurt. Don't pass it off on anything else. She made the decision ON HER OWN to cheat.

You have to also understand you can't help her. No matter what you do at the end of the day only she can help herself. Nothing and no one will bring her "happiness", only herself.

Hard position, I know. Good luck. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your kids.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

metalman99 said:


> I can't argue with you in regards to me. I wish I would have let go rather than dreaming of my old wife back and trying to believe her when it didn't make sense. Luckily, I can say I reached that point and honestly, it is the only thing that has made me feel better.
> 
> However, I have my girls. I will do things to my own detriment to make this transition as smooth as possible to them. I won't displace them from their schools. hell i am expecting a call and having to help with rent on day in the near future. I will do that for my stepdaughter. I will try to make their lives have as little change as possible in the interim. And they know I love them and care even if their mother is withdrawing. I won't tell them what happened until adulthood, if then. Their mother will always be their mother. If that makes me less of a macho man, guilty as charged.


Metal the guy brings up a good point do you think drugs are involved here considering her behavior?


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

the guy said:


> In the end though your emotional health is most important so do whats best for you and your kids.


exactly what i mean also!
pretending that all is well, trying to avoid unpleasant situations does nothing but worsen your emotions! Tell/e-mail everyone who needs to know whats going on and what you're going through, Then think only for your daughter and focus on yourself. 
The rest will be faced with more dignity and conscience on what will be next!


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

the guy said:


> mm99, whats your take on going back home?
> 
> You will need the advise from this community to help you thru that.


I had written into the divorce decree that I have exclusive use of the home by Oct 30. She would not agree to an earlier date but said she is planning to be out next week if possible whne I have the little one.

I am buying out her equity. I am going to see if I can live there. It is the only home the little one has known. If I can't, i will just sell and buy another similar home. There are always ones in the vicinity.

So, I am going to wait. I can't have her challenge the domicilliary. That assures me i will never get into a every other weekend situation if she decides to remarry and move away. She will see her two weekends a month not me.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It seems WW is holding the kids over your head knowing she will up root them if you come home....

If it was me I would call her bluff...hell its the middle of the school year and think of all the hard work she will have to do with having the kids...hell she will be an hour away from OM.

My thinking is your old lady has just as much to lose if she moves back to her parent ...an hour away....as you do by losing what little time you get to see them.


I would still call her bluff, I'd bet money on it would last but a few days and she will bring them back....lets face it if it wasn;t for you she would have to deal with the kids full time.


I'd call her bluff and move back let her pack and if WW hasn't enrolled the kids in there new school then call her and have her come home or you will CPS.

Seriously dude, you think its going to be all fun for your WW to move an hour away to her parents house at 40 yr old.

Again she is managing you with regards to he black mail....CALL HER BLUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

2yearsago said:


> Hard position, I know. Good luck. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your kids.


Its bull crap that inorder to take care of his kids he has to deal with his old ladies blackmail that she will move out, take the kids, if he comes back home.

Its a shame you can't get a lawyer for your 16D and she amancibates her self from her mother and gets to stay with you.

You have rights to the 6D, but I bet you can work something out with the 16D...I'd look into amansipation..in CA you can do it at 14yrs


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Sorry you're here metalman,

Look, you're doing fine so far. But for sure, you need to start detaching from your wife. Implement the 180 (google it or find the link here) to help you do that. Very important. Don't talk or communicate with her unless you need to talk about the children or the D. Don't let her see you hurting, even though you are. 

And no more Mr. Nice guy. Shed the light on her A - expose her completely to her family and yours. Tell his wife ASAP. Don't assume she knows the truth. Don't worry about your wife's reaction.

You should really think about moving back into your home to make it harder for her to see him. You can still do the 180 even if you're under the same roof. Remember, she is the one that cheated. She should be the one to leave.

Move forward with your D, knowing she is not the woman that you loved. At some point, she'll regret what she's done and the exposure will likely make that happen all the sooner.

If she comes begging you back, don't stop the D, even if you think you want to consider R. Keep it going and use the time it takes to finalize it, to think long and hard about what you want.

Keep posting.


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

To answer the other questions 

Drugs - I don't believe so. I believe she is tested for work too. she take smoking back up after quitting 15 years ago and is now a chain smoker. I think it is mental or medical.

To be honest I think I am done with her. I don't want this woman back. It took me a long time to get to that point, but I can't fix her and I will be happier with just me and my girl than the circus our life has been lately. Hell I would rather be alone. I want to establish our new normalcy and let her do what she wants. It isn't my concern anymore. Once she is out of our house, she can do whatever she wants as long as she doesn't negatively influence the girls. Not like I can stop it without following her around 24/7. the best course is to be the best Dad I can be and try no to care about her anymore.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

metalman99 said:


> I can't argue with you in regards to me. I wish I would have let go rather than dreaming of my old wife back and trying to believe her when it didn't make sense. Luckily, I can say I reached that point and honestly, it is the only thing that has made me feel better.
> 
> However, I have my girls. I will do things to my own detriment to make this transition as smooth as possible to them. I won't displace them from their schools. hell i am expecting a call and having to help with rent on day in the near future. I will do that for my stepdaughter. I will try to make their lives have as little change as possible in the interim. And they know I love them and care even if their mother is withdrawing. I won't tell them what happened until adulthood, if then. Their mother will always be their mother. If that makes me less of a macho man, guilty as charged.


I'm sorry if I gave you a bad expression, but what I wanted you to understand is that I hate anyone (man or woman) who act in bad faith so ...
go straight to the goal! 

You are acting like a real man and father, please dont back down in this meanwhile with her


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think I got the term right...its when a youth can actualy leave there parents and be on there own.
In stead of waiting until their 18th birthday they can leave sooner.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

do the girls know about the affair?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

metalman99 said:


> To be honest I think I am done with her. I don't want this woman back. It took me a long time to get to that point, but I can't fix her and I will be happier with just me and my girl than the circus our life has been lately. Hell I would rather be alone. I want to establish our new normalcy and let her do what she wants. It isn't my concern anymore. Once she is out of our house, she can do whatever she wants as long as she doesn't negatively influence the girls. Not like I can stop it without following her around 24/7. the best course is to be the best Dad I can be and try no to care about her anymore.


Great, terrific mindset.
You are going to be OK, she won't.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What I see in this thread is OP yes is hurting but it appears he has a plan and is working the plan.

So often guys are lost and can't make a dicision one way or another.

It appears he has been lurking around TAM for sometime....and thats a good thing.

Stay the course brother, live life well.


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## metalman99 (Sep 18, 2013)

the guy said:


> do the girls know about the affair?


No

And they won't unless they learn through her actions or when they are adults.

She will still be their mother. 

I do want the girls to understand one day. And to understand I did my best. But I see no reason to damage her in their eyes more than she has now.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

sorry bro, your old lady ain't right in the head...at the very least the 16 has to see thru her moms actions that she has someone else.

I just hope you are right about the little one.

I'm think when you go to sit down with the older daughter she will reveal alot more then you expect, so be prepared.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So the OM, what does he do ? 

Have you had him investigated ? Sooner or later, she will start bringing him around the kids.

When do you plan to tell her family about her affair ?

When do you plan to tell this guy's wife ? Telling her is not being spiteful to your wife.

Did you get tested fr STDs.

Stop being nice to your wife. Start complete 180. Be civil for the kids. Else, aim for apathy.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

the guy said:


> sorry bro, your old lady ain't right in the head...at the very least the 16 has to see thru her moms actions that she has someone else.
> 
> I just hope you are right about the little one.
> 
> I'm think when you go to sit down with the older daughter she will reveal alot more then you expect, so be prepared.


:iagree:
You need to tell both these children (the older one ASAP and the 6yr old when she's older...12-14 maybe), otherwise you're doing nothing more than covering for your ex. And you owe your ex absolutely nothing!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Agree with exposing the affair. DO IT.

Make sure you back up your proof in at least two OFFSITE locations.


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