# Done Trying and Don't Care



## comtnman (May 11, 2010)

My wife has not shown any interest in the affection department other then a quick peck to "have a nice day" or "good night".

Some of it may be depression and she's tried several medications, some of it may be self image, but I really am beginning to think it's me despite her admitting she has a libido issue. I think it's me because I've always sucked in bed.

So it's May and a twisted side of me wants to see if anything will happen in this department before the year is up. Twisted? Let's go through a gammut.

1) I can't and won't cheat because I love her too much, love the kids, I really don't work that way, and no sense in the world having yet another unsatisfied woman.
2) The world says a woman can say no, but a guy can't (a la, "What you don't want me anymore?") So I've become accustomed to no ..... PERMANENTLY!
3) I'm beginning to feel as though I'm not entitled to any sexual intimacy, ...ever. So a life of celibacy is on the horizon at 39 years of age... YEAH ME!!
4) BTW I don't pressure her and now don't even broach the topic. After a nice Mother's Day waiting on her, I get the bogus line, "I'm really hot for you." I rely with a simple reply, but her statement in this context doesn't really mean much. I don't get sarcastic, I just simply play along.
5) I'm almost at the point where I've given her license to find someone who can satisfy her. I can't so go have a hayday, Seems the norm and I guess I may as well be OK with that too.

Sex in our marriage is dead and so, oh well I guess.
Understand I take accountability in making my wife sleep in the bedroom.. almost a year ago. It's not her, it's me and I feel bad for her. Thoughts?


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

ok you do care or you would not be asking...

are you having the or is she? what i am asking is seems like you want sex and she does not and you are trying to give her space and time but getting a little frustrated...

you did comment that you never were that great (as you said sucked in bed) so this is just my out take and my side of my own life so maybe it will help maybe it will not...

my hubby not that great in the bed department always got the job done for him but never (ok 1s) got me to the end.... and i slowly started giving up to that i would not enjoy so i backed away i mean it was harsh to get all ready and then nothing to finish (i was getting blue ball basicly and yes i am a chick but giving a term you could relate to)... and slowly it was routine sex just so he could be done and nothing for me...

slowly my mind set changed and i to could live with it or with out it and was living with out it even though we were having sex so big deal....

communication is key.... if you want this to work you two need to talk i know she is depressed is she getting help other than taking pills talking to anyone? you are 39 how old is she? i know lots of women that after kid age don't feel they have to have sex... or after they go thru mid life there hormones are down and drive is lacking it may not be all depression....

again not much help other than talking is key.....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

comtnman said:


> My wife has not shown any interest in the affection department other then a quick peck to "have a nice day" or "good night".
> 
> Some of it may be depression and she's tried several medications, some of it may be self image, but I really am beginning to think it's me despite her admitting she has a libido issue. I think it's me because I've always sucked in bed.
> 
> ...


I didn'd understand the end of this -that you & your wife still sleep together in the bedroom- you feel bad for her cause you make her do this? 

Does she express that you "suck" in bed -or do you just assume this cause she is never in the mood? What do YOU feel you have been doing wrong -not enough forplay for her, going too fast & she doesn't get hers? 

If she is on Depression drugs, this could very well supress her sex drive. Was things EVER good -before the meds? Is she on hormonal birth control? 

When she said she was HOT for you on Mothers Day, it almost sounds like you brushed her off, cause you are so used to being brushed off yourself. 

Do you fall into the NIce Guy Syndrome: always patient, always faithful, helpful, sacrificial to the max, whatever the wife wants- or doesn't want (in this case), she gets?


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

So if you think you suck in bed, why don't you work to get better? 

Are you a 5 minute foreplay guy, 6 thrusts and then your done in bed? How long do you spend with foreplay? Do you get off and then don't take care of her? Do you give her attention on the times you are not trying to get her into bed? Talk to her for a while just to talk? Hold her hands, give her a kiss, snuggle when you watch tv?

We are willing to help if you truly want it.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Did you punish her by saying no to her on mothers day bc she says no to you all the time? Confused there, not really clear what happened. 

If you think you are bad in bed, educate yourself and get better. You need a self confidence boost, but unfortunately, you are the only one who can give it to yourself. When I got down in the dumps about 6 weeks ago bc husband was rejecting me all the time, I made a conscious CHOICE to pull myself up knowing that husband wouldnt come up with compliments or say yes. I went out dancing with my girlfriend and made myself look pretty and then felt better and you know what.... got alot of compliments from my friend and others So I know I still have "it" and that made it easier to believe it once again 

Pick yourself up and do what you need to to believe in yourself, Im 39 years old like you, I relaize its not up to anyone else to make you happy... its all on you.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

comtnman-

We can't help you unless you give more info. You say:



> I think it's me because I've always sucked in bed.


Please explain this further.


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