# He did not sleep for two days.



## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

This weekend I did take my space as I said I would, and did not call my H. I did miss him throughout the weekend, but did not want any emotional drama. I simply wanted to let go of it for a bit. I did call him this morning, though.

He said that he was so glad that I called him, and proceeded to tell me that he had not slept in two days. I asked him why, and he said that his mind was running wild.

I have explained to my H over and over again that during this time, when I am allowing him to show me that changes he has made, that I did not want to spend every waking minute together. I told him that I would need some space every now and then. I cannot have him invading every aspect of my life right now. I am sure this is some sort of protective wall I have up, but that wall must remain up for now, and I am not sure whether it will ever come down at this point. I am going to therapy for this very reason. My therapist tells me that I am very guarded, but rightfully so.

His reactions to my needing space every now and then seem so drastic. He makes me feel like a bad person or something. I don't want him to lose any sleep. I hurt for him, but I don't know how to help him. If he wants to make things work, he needs to respect my need for time or space. I can't just give up what I need right now, because of the way he feels. If I just give in to what he wants, I just know it will feel like he has pressured me into doing something I did not want to do. Yet, his pain weakens me. I think he knows this. Sometimes I wonder if he really did not get any sleep at all. Maybe he slept like a baby. Maybe he is just trying to make me feel bad.

It is not like he did not know where I was. I was hanging out with my cousin all weekend, and he conveniently hung out with my cousin's husband who told him where I was. I am sure he was not worried about my being with another man, which is usually his concern, and probably why I have had no reports of him driving by house in the wee hours of the morning.

Two days, just because I needed some time to myself this weekend?!?!? Two days!!!! And, he tells me that I have emotional issues.


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## pochael (Apr 12, 2010)

Well I do not know the situation. But it seems a little selfish. But the question is this. What exactly do you want? Do you want a happy marriage, do you want him?


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## boarderwayne (Feb 14, 2010)

I wouldn't doubt that he didn't sleep for the two days, when my wife left, I literally did not sleep for a whole week, and maybe one or two nights a week for the next few weeks to follow. I don't know how but my mind would not shut off no matter how exhausted I was or how much I wanted to sleep I just could not do it.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Here's the problem. In this instance, crisis1008's H is a known abuser and by that I mean that he is verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. For months she broke away from him and out of his controlling, manipulative ways and now she has talked herself back into "spending some time together" which turned into spending every weekend together...which turned into pressure to have sex on those weekends...which turned into pressure to spend weeknights together too...which turned into lying about what others are saying and doing to try to guilt her into going home...which turned into now giving her guilt because she asked for a weekend to herself. 

Crisis--please seriously look at this list of Controlling Behaviors. Look at the other pages on this Verbal Abuse page and tell me that isn't your husband 100%. He is not acting like he loves you and is emotional; he is acting like he wants to control you and is giving you guilt so you never, EVER dare to do it your way again. 

Seriously can you ever, in you wildest dreams, imagine doing to him the things he's done to you? Can you treat him the same way? Would he tolerate for one second if you pressured him about something he clearly did not want...and if you stepped it up from occasionally, to weekends, to EVERY weekend, to weeknights? And now basically doing all he can to FORCE you home? 

I am not talking about divorcing him here. I'm talking about being brave and disentangling yourself from him and his abusive behavior. If he is serious about getting back with you, he CAN go to counseling and learn how to change his thinking patterns so he's not abusive. Shoot, Dr. Irene has info on her site how to do that! He chooses to NOT do it. 

Please don't fall for this clear attempt to make you feel guilty and control you. Think clearly just this once and read Dr. Irene's site from beginning to end.


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

But, he has been going to counseling, which is exactly why I have agreed to begin seeing him again. He has been going to counseling since immediately after I left him. He wanted me to see the changes that he has made. So I agreed. I do love him and felt I owed it to our marriage. However, as you have implied, I feel as though I am quickly giving up all control I have over my own life, out of guilt for how sad he feels. I have worked very hard to make certain that he has no control over me. I still have never had 100% control over my own life, as he never left me alone during our separation. I wanted desperately to get over him and begin dating immediately. I felt as though I had spent over 10 wasted years with my husband and did not want to waste another moment of my life. However, because he has kept such tabs on me and constantly asked me about every detail of my life throughout our separation, I never felt comfortable enough to attempt to move forward. At times, I feel as though I have never been away from him.

What am I to do? What is right? What is wrong? How do I get him away from me when I want to be alone, with out being made to feel as though I am killing him?


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