# Trying to be helpful......and apologize



## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Many of us, who have either had affairs or been the victims of affairs, will come back to try to help others. Myself, I am a BS, and my wife's affair has ended very badly (about as bad as it can get), and I want to help others to avoid the same problems I have had, but also to avoid the problems my wife has had. I would like to be able to give advice that will cover the situation the poster presents, but this is not always possible, because we can only work with the information we are given. AS a helpful reminder, I would like to encourage ALL posters to be as honest and informative as possible, so that they can get the advice they want or need. We are NOT professionals, but we have "been there", and our opinions can have a great deal of value. I am a direct person, it is the way I was raised and the way I was trained. My directness has , in the past, been construed as anger, which it is not. But to all persons that believe I have been, I apologize, and will try to show more discretion, in the future.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

Maybe you should take a "time-out" from the forum. Its getting to you.

Your'e getting _too_ emotionally invested in these threads.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

No, it's not the forum, it's all the demands being placed upon me. Until a few months ago, I was a happily married man, and now I have to deal with an affair, a mentally -ill wife, and two families, who are at each others throats. There should be a warning about this, on the front of the marriage license, just like on cigarettes.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Badblood said:


> There should be a warning about this, on the front of the marriage license, just like on cigarettes.



and it will be just as ignored as the cigarette warning


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

All the more reason you should take a step back and process what is occuring on the homefront, without the forum being a detriment to your recovery/healing process. Just sayin'.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> and it will be just as ignored as the cigarette warning


Until it's too late. In my case it probably wouldn't have made any difference, because she didn't understand her issues any better than I would have, so a warning wouldn't have mattered .


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

JustaJerk said:


> All the more reason you should take a step back and process what is occuring on the homefront, without the forum being a detriment to your recovery/healing process. Just sayin'.


Actually, it has been very helpful. Most posters have been very sympathetic, and given me good advice. But, at least, I think I gave them enough information to do so. Hence , the reason for this thread.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Badblood, I just saw your comments in Working's thread and they are way out of line. I know you have the best of intentions and you are good man. But you need to address you issues. Your wife's betrayal has changed you into someone bitter. You lash out and then you apologize. Have you seen the patterns? Please pay more attention to what you say. Think about how you would have reacted had someone started calling you a troll in the middle of your thread?


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

Most posters are past victims of betrayal. Sadly they all have this scar that still have not healed completely yet. Posting here on the forum does provide some healing effect as you can put yourself in the third party perspective giving advice to yet another victim.

However, when we come across the perpetrator asking for help, the emotion can run too extreme, and although posting to such thread can still help heal us by venting our frustrations out, it would be at OP's expense. After all, even those OPs came here with a good faith to gain some helpful advices. Realizing this and learning to control our emotion may be another step toward our healing, maybe. 

I felt I made a real peace with my XWW's cheating, when I started to see myself able to empathize with some cheaters to a various degree. To me, this was a huge change, and I am so happy that I have gotten to this stage.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Badblood, I went to see a therapist to help me in my personal recovery after seeing that video of my ex-wife with the POSOM. It made a world of difference and gave me hope that I could move on to a better life without my ex-wife. Maybe you don't need a therapist but if you find yourself overwhelmed by the images or flashbacks of your wife with the POSOM, please consider going to one.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> and it will be just as ignored as the cigarette warning


Much better automatic for first timr offenders stiff fines, jail time and mandatory marriage and parenting classes and possible loss of custody loss of community property rights. That for starters
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Badblood, I just saw your comments in Working's thread and they are way out of line. I know you have the best of intentions and you are good man. But you need to address you issues. Your wife's betrayal has changed you into someone bitter. You lash out and then you apologize. Have you seen the patterns? Please pay more attention to what you say. Think about how you would have reacted had someone started calling you a troll in the middle of your thread?


Will do, Warlock


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> Badblood, I went to see a therapist to help me in my personal recovery after seeing that video of my ex-wife with the POSOM. It made a world of difference and gave me hope that I could move on to a better life without my ex-wife. Maybe you don't need a therapist but if you find yourself overwhelmed by the images or flashbacks of your wife with the POSOM, please consider going to one.


Mori, for the last time, I DO NOT have anger issues. What I have is frustration issues with posters who evade and trickle truth. In Workings posts, she constantly was having to go back and regroup, every time a poster would mention something else, she would say, Oh yea , that happened also. Sure my troll comment was harsh, but she should realize that we cannot help if she is releasing information, in dribs and drabs, just like a troll would do. Like I've said before, many times, I am a direct person and I want direct information. I don't see what's so hard to understand about that? If people will be square with me, I will do my very best to help. You should know that , as should anybody who knows my story. I don't HAVE to help my cheating wife, I choose to do it, because I am also a caring person. Some posters seem to focus on my directness and leave out that I am truly trying to help.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Badblood said:


> Mori, for the last time, I DO NOT have anger issues. Dammit!!!



fyp


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## Jen S (Nov 10, 2011)

Badblood said:


> Many of us, who have either had affairs or been the victims of affairs, will come back to try to help others. Myself, I am a BS, and my wife's affair has ended very badly (about as bad as it can get), and I want to help others to avoid the same problems I have had, but also to avoid the problems my wife has had. I would like to be able to give advice that will cover the situation the poster presents, but this is not always possible, because we can only work with the information we are given. AS a helpful reminder, I would like to encourage ALL posters to be as honest and informative as possible, so that they can get the advice they want or need. We are NOT professionals, but we have "been there", and our opinions can have a great deal of value. I am a direct person, it is the way I was raised and the way I was trained. My directness has , in the past, been construed as anger, which it is not. But to all persons that believe I have been, I apologize, and will try to show more discretion, in the future.


People dislike me on here anyway, so I thought I'd just chime in and say that I don't think Badblood's posts have been particularly worse than many others' posts on here. People get heated in their discussions, like in the relevant one here, but it isn't like he went way beyond what happens across the board when talking about such important issues. Just my opinion.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Sometimes people will be turned off if the message is delivered harshly. 

Doesn't mean there isn't room for stating the truth.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> fyp


@*^&%$#^^*&$#$#!!! affair&(*^%$%^$&(*^%#&^ cheater&%*&%$ reconcileing. Is this any better?


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## Santofimio (Oct 26, 2011)

Based on personal experience, I second the suggestion of taking a timeout from the forums. I was spending too much time reading and posting in other threads. It definitely did help me understand the feelings I have about my own situation, but it also put me in a loop of constantly re-evaluating everything. IC works for some people and it doesn't. I don't think it would have worked for me personally because I needed to stop looking for an explanation instead of seeking one from a therapist. I took a timeout in order to come to terms with each individual feeling by myself and be done with it.

Best of luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Jen S said:


> People dislike me on here anyway, so I thought I'd just chime in and say that I don't think Badblood's posts have been particularly worse than many others' posts on here. People get heated in their discussions, like in the relevant one here, but it isn't like he went way beyond what happens across the board when talking about such important issues. Just my opinion.


I can see Jen S sitting in a corner and pouting and grumpy..

Its not that people dislike you, but you irritate people a lot. You come here and say something utterly against the what every one is thinking. That pisses off some people


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## Jen S (Nov 10, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> I can see Jen S sitting in a corner and pouting and grumpy..
> 
> Its not that people dislike you, but you irritate people a lot. You come here and say something utterly against the what every one is thinking. That pisses off some people


I don't feel grumpy. A big part of why I come here is because I can hear the unvarnished truth. There are plenty of sites where a young woman can go and hear other people tell her she's not responsible for anything. I prefer here. 

As far as saying something against what others think, that shouldn't be a problem. The OP can always see what the mainstream opinion is. I haven't stopped that from happening. And really, there shouldn't ever be something "that everyone is thinking" when you think about it. 

:smthumbup::sleeping:

These emoticons are random but I'm tired of never getting to use them, so here.


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