# the guy with the cheating wife



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

View attachment the guy with the cheating wife 8-9-10.doc


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## MyDog8em (Apr 5, 2010)

I dunno why the OP posted this thread as an attachment :scratchhead:. I was skeptical to click such a link but said what the hell and did it, so I figured I'd cut & paste for those who are leery to click but may be interested in what it pertains to:

---Original Message:

The guy with the cheating wife

This is the same story, but you may find an interesting twist and some insight in to infidelity.

HISTORY;
-Dated for 1-1/2 yrs.
-married in 1991/ 1st and only marriage
-we both love sex and booze
-2 kids, (1) in high school & (1) in college

WIFE;
-40 yrs old
-Telemarketer, nude model, waitress, bartender
-1st PA in ‘97/ 3 months
-5 years straight
-2nd PA/ one nighter at sex club
-Few yrs. Straight
-3rd PA /a few weeks
-a couple yrs straight
-4th PA /a weekend w/ strange guy from S.C.
- Last 3 yrs. Multi one nighters w/ 2 PA’s in rotation
-totaling 20 different OM’s
- No STD’s and no abortions
- Still married to me


ME;
-44 yrs old
-workacoholic
-carpenter for 25 yrs
-no PA’s, (1) short EA
-no STD’s 
-still married to wife


I dismissed my wife for 19 years Until Feb. 2010. My intuition had only kicked in twice. Once in 1997 and again in 2005. I ignored the feeling b/c I enjoyed the freedom of – for lack of a better term- not being married. An epiphany happened on the 1st of Feb...

THE BEGINNING
She had her “girl friends” and her “girl night out” and I had my work witch I loved more then marriage. I got the whole “I’m lonely”, “you need to spend time with me”, and “why don’t you love me”. My response was “go get a boy friend”; with one rule “I do not want to know” So go ahead and go out.
This lasted for years.
We did the family thing also-soccer, school functions, family vacations, and even a lot of one-on- one vacation with a lot of positive connections.
For years things where manageable. (For me) I ignored her, and we had sex when ever I wanted. Money was tight, but work was steady. (Same old story, lack of attention blah blah)

For me this answers the why, but the question I had was why the W didn’t leave back in 1997? This was the time I worked out of town, and tried the EA with a girl that was not receptive. This was the time a bondage game went bad (I got to rough with W). And ironically this was the time she found the modeling job. Things where bad at this time, she asked for a divorce and I refused.
No house work, kids didn’t make it to school, and a lot of bad checks. All me and W had was sex, I treated her as a sex partner/trophy wife so as she put it “*****s don’t do house work and I liked the sex so I went along.
Poor kids, Thank God we got back to church and repaired the marriage and family, at least for the next five years, but our behavior still was not what was need to keep it repaired. Work was still more important then any thing else.
By the way she just told me her dad emotionally abused her so she got real good at forgiveness.

THE CYCLE
This was the marriage; things would be good, things would be bad, and then things would be good again. Just like every one else, the marriage had tuff patches, but instead of dealing with it she went off and I went off and we did our own thing until for some reason we ended up back in bed. This cycle would last for years. I mean the sex was there but she would complain for years about how we never kissed. I would blow her off and tell her to “go get a boy toy”, and that I wanted to go to work. This was actually easier then giving her the attention she wanted. (I know, same story different post) and (My opinion, the sex is the glue”) 
The counseling helps us, but the drinking keeps coming back to pit us in the butt.

BY THE END
By 2005 we bought another house and work increased, we both where gone, she did her thing, I did my thing. A few years went by and I could tell it was bad so I started inviting her to the “foremen’s meeting” (the bar), but it didn’t help, it was work, work, work. Thinking back I saw the signs of the infidelity and I dismissed it, it gave me the “my time”, and work, work, work, then sit in front of the TV and watch the game. You know- “me time”. I truly did not care! It went like this [ME] “Honey where are you going? [HER] “Out with the girls”. [ME] “When will you be home”? [HER] “I don’t know” [ME] “Ok bye”…I’m thinking “cool I don’t have to listen to her”. Then it got to this point (went to bed together) “good night honey” (some sex) I would wake up in the middle of the night and she was gone. Then I’d wake up In the AM and she was next to me sleeping. So I would get up have some rough sex and call her dirty names and go to work (be careful what you wish for).
This routine went on for years. I like rough sex, she like slow soft sex, so when she was half asleep from the all-night-er’s, there wasn’t much protest, and once she got going it ended on a happy note. I was home so I feed the kids and attended their things, but our behaviors were so bad at the end; I can’t imagine how it could have gotten worst. 
So in the beginning of Feb’10 (after football season) I was watching TV and I thought; where’s my wife, where’s my kids, and why is my Lazyboy so worn out? So NOW I wanted to talk and you know the story,” I’m out with the girl friends”, “we’re just friends”, “our crazy it was a joke”, and even “you can’t go its girls only”. Ok intuition kicked in high gear; I GOT SOME GOOD ADVICE and got my game plan. 

THE CONFRONTATION
The day before Valentines Day, it took two weeks to get the evidence together, I woke her up, but instead of sex I said “we need to talk” I placed the evidence on the bed and went to the other room. I came back a few minutes later and the plan was playing out. I asked the 1st question “is it serious” she replied no. I went back out to kitchen and made some breakfast, by the time I gat back she was a mess. 2nd question “do you want me to leave” she replied no. 3rd and last question “want to stay married”, her reply was yes, I left for the kitchen again. Then the “you did this” and “you did that” and then blah, blah, blah, blah (you all know the blame game). When I started packing her stuff, it got internally intense for me, but she went back to remorse mode, then I left the house on that note. I was gone for the day did the no contact thing (she kept calling & calling) and then resumed communication that evening. I proof read the “no contact” text message, which included me, a shot gun, and him, and we sent it to OM. He replied “are you ok, did he hurt you”, a long with “can you come over” blah, blah, blah. W didn’t reply, my investigation showed he tried a few times the following week with no reply from W. That week I did some things that scared her, and at this point I started to leak the way I was snooping. I remember briefly, her saying “your wasting our money”. The whole “your pushing me a way” didn’t play out for me. I wanted a commitment NOW, right NOW and deal with MY rules or good by. Keep in mind I stayed calm, like a creepy calm, I pretended it didn’t care. I was good at this behavior I did it for years. Basically it all broke down to what she said “alls I wanted was you and you told be to get a boy friend, so now what do you want me to do”? My reply, “stops screwing other guys”.
We spent weeks talking about what she did and what I did and what she needed, and what I needed. She told me the amount of OM’s, the big ones, the small one, and the scary ones. It was interesting how her MO had changed through out the years (for the worst), but her rules of engagement always stayed the same. After some 20 years I was finding out what attracted my wife in picking the OM,s, like there cologne and there build. I focus on my chest more when I’m at the gym, and I’ve been freshening up more. One more thing, flattery is everything when it comes to women. 
Remember I was the guy that didn’t care through out the marriage so that left her guessing, and asking”why do you love me now, and why to you care”, along with “your going to use this against me”, I replied calmly and as a matter of fact said “its time to change things around here” If she only knew how hurt I was, and thank God she didn’t figure out I would have done any thing to keep her. I can’t stress enough how important a plan is when it come to the confrontation. It’s tuff as hell to take the emotion out of this aspect but in my experience that is the time you have to -for lack of a better term- keep it business as usual, and except the out come to the plan. Be advised: I HAD MY MIND SET, IT WAS OVER. Her precise responses from the first three questions changed the out come for the better.
Now that I think back the 1st time in the beginning of Feb. I did not have the confidence, this created a kind of groveling/begging emotion, and the look on my W face told me everything (you loveless f*** now you cry) and I knew I had to immediately shut up and regroup. I was not going to win this negotiation and thank God I made a plan and came back for battle.

THE NOW
I like having a new marriage with the same persons but with healthier behaviors. 
I deserve good things
Best quote from Wife “thanks for rescuing me” 2-12-10
I ask my self why I did not blow off the marriage and let things be as they where, and I can only come up with God and Love had a hand in all this. 
Just looked at her accounts to day;
-184 text messages—Last year this time 1259
-0 credit//ATM charges—last year this time, bars and clubs, bars and clubs
-Phone calls—me, kids, mom, kids and more me, w/ some calls to her real friends. 
Wife is home all the time, and I mean all the time, and she gets a lot of attention from me. It’s good to see her interacting with the kids now, and talking to her mom again. She is a lot more comfortable talking to the REAL people in her life. All her fake friends stopped calling when she started to invite me along when she got invited out. 
With out asking, she has been turning in her pay stub, and work receipts along with personal receipts. I like her effort, but I already have the info so I continue to let her. 
As far as the emails go, Her MO was tourists so I see some emails form out off state guys looking her up and letting her know when they will be back in town. This only happed twice in the past six months and she hasn’t replied. When she up dates me on whom’s she been in contact with, and who’s trying to contact her, I feel good. I guess after years of not caring, it may seem in her eyes, that as long as I keep receiving the paper work and we’re talking about what is going on in her day, and I showing interest it helps her. To be honest I’m not sure if I’m interested in her or just interested in her not cheating. There is one thing I do know, and that is, I know enjoy the kissing and holding hands we now do.
I pray this kind of behavior will last, and I want to believe she won’t cheat, but to be realistic I believe it can be an issue again. And we will have to deal with the consequences if she is not forthcoming with her intentions, so that we can make the correction needed to stay best friends. 

Our marriage is moving in a positive direction and it helps to vent. I have replied to other threads, and now you folks might now know were I’m coming from 

Any thoughts?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thanks for the help. I was having a hard time starting a new thread, and it was suggested to use Word and then post it as an attachment. 
My main problem was spelling along with taking days to type. 
So every body thanks to mydog8em heres my story.


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## MyDog8em (Apr 5, 2010)

the guy said:


> Thanks for the help. I was having a hard time starting a new thread, and it was suggested to use Word and then post it as an attachment.
> My main problem was spelling along with taking days to type.
> So every body thanks to mydog8em heres my story.


No prob, write in Word, cut from there & paste to here and you're done. A lot of people most likely will not click links to attachments as we all know what that can lead to.

Sorry I don't have any advice to give in your situation, but I wish you the best of luck.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

That was your story?

How your wife stayed with you that long is a wonder. I can't really fault your wife for what she did cuz you basically pushed her into it. At least you realized the problem and fixed it and everything is good now.

What made you finally realize you wanted a wife and not just a booty call in your wife?

Or were you, didn't give a sh*t as long as the wife wasn't in my ear and was giving it up when I want it? And never thought your wife could be cheating on you until it clicked in your head one day?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

with the economic enviorment (decreased work load), the worn out Lazyboy, THE EMPTY HOUSE, and the decrease in beer I found my life needed a change, so I started with my attidudes & behaviors and even my diet.
THEN LIGHT BULB JUST WENT ON!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She was a booty call. She knew it and acted acordingly. My behovior was wrong and I dismissed her feelings 
I took advandage of her submissive nature and the bandaids she used to get through the marriage became increasingly dangorus.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Thanks to MyDog8em we finally have the story. the guy that is quite a story. It does sound as though God did his part in opening your eyes. Just curious...Are you and your wife still actively involved in church? I hope this great story gets even better.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

-We both agree the Lord had his hand in this.
-I feel the need to go but W has been reluctant, so the kids have been going on there own and we just can't get on board.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

827Aug, the story is getting better, she has the weekend off and she is lying next to me right now. We are very happy to spend the time together. I have canceled all work related issues and plan on listening, touching, and interacting with her in every way. 
And you know what, it doesn't get any better then this. 
This morning I took her out to breakfast, and she mentioned some of the bad influences [beside me ] that have left her and how she feels better off.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

the guy said:


> 827aug, the story is getting better, she has the weekend off and she is lying next to me right now. We are very happy to spend the time together. I have canceled all work related issues and plan on listening, touching, and interacting with her in every way.
> And you know what, it doesn't get any better then this.
> This morning i took her out to breakfast, and she mentioned some of the bad influences [beside me ] that have left her and how she feels better off.


Wonderful news!!!


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

You are incredible to have kept it together and to have lived through what we all know must have hurt you....
It takes a special person to put together and have the emotional strength to repair a marriage like this.........
It warms my heart to know you saved your wife because you were the strong one and that you love her so much.......when you helped her you helped yourself....
I'm glad life is so good now for the two of you......
I think you always had the big picture in mind and knew your wife was someone worth fighting for ........
(((hugs)))


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm astonished that something so wrong could get turned around so dramatically. Really happy for you both. One question-you said

To be honest I’m not sure if I’m interested in her or just interested in her not cheating. 

Do you still feel that way? Do you (or did you ever) love her? Does she know how you feel? Just curious.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

NO My feelings and behaviors are differant NOW
My thinking is; I have to be intrested in her now to be a better spouse b/c I'm worried about her cheating again.

Yes I love her

No This kind of talk would be hurtful NOW

It's weird for me. 
My shrink tells me I never learned how to love b/c I grew up with loveless parentants. (they loved me, but not each other).

When it comes to talking with wife and spending time with her I soemtimes find her subject matter not interesting, but NOW I listen and I'm bored to death. 
We have great vacations together and we get along great I just have a hard time getting interested in some of her topics. So NOW I know I need to give that attention and not dismiss that curtain conversation.
Does that make sence uhaul?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its been a month since I posted so heres the latest and greatest.
We are getting along great and I still struggle with being interested I her shop talk, and she still stuggling with keeping the house clean, but at least were strugling and not quiting.
She has been doing great with her behavior in regard to talking to me and not to others. She is home all the time and is leaving the cell phone out. Now I just need to listen to her and push a botton on her cell so it looks like I care who she texting/calling.
All her spending and work receipts are left on the bed, lately I've not even looked. The bottom line is she understands that I need her to be as forthcoming as possible.( the whole rebuild trust thing).
On my end, I continue to hug, kiss, and except all her advancements. You can never be to busy to get a quicky, but the long sessions are good too, but better for her.
Most importantly is the kissing she loves that and I mix it up sometime a quick peck and then I'll suprise her a long one and just to keep her quessing I do a peck then a long kiss. In the end its the talking we do, not just the booty call its has been for so many years.

Here is the bad stuff;
During our talks I asked if she was with more then one guy at once She said no but two guy took seperate turns. I asked why and she told me it was easer then having them take me at the same time. Wow, asked her to be more spacific and she told me there were a few time were she felt threatened. We talked about the machanics and how each situation came to be. Bottom line she was buttung her self in dangerous places with her dangerous behavior. 
AGAIN, THANK GOD I CONFRONTED HER 
"So these where the worst situation you were in" her reply "no I did our good friend X more then the one drunken time I told you about", My reply "HOW MANY" She replied "that affair was the most God awfull time" She gave me a line of grap that validated her need for help (we all know those lines). She can not talk about this with out getting sick so she is giving me alittle info at a time. She is concerened about hurting me behond forgivenis. So thats were we are at right know. I have found some peace in knowing that we are both commited (at least for the last 7-1/2 months), we are both learning how to be differant people in our marriage, and we are both taking care of each others needs.
Boy what a struggle, it seams easy for her. I wish I could just blockout the bad memories life W.


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## hurtbyher (Nov 19, 2009)

I am glad you have turned things around. i wish the best for you and your wife. Like you I wanted detailed info on what hapened. I never asked and my wife said she had sex with two different guys. I know there was more from my investigatiions. I have never confronted her. I want to but also want to move on.
You pushed her into those bad situations and treated her like a sl**. She might have done some things that seemed awfull but I bet feeling like you made her feel had some to do with how she acted. Unless she needs to tell you for her. I bet just letting it go and realizing you was wrong and putting it in the past would be best.

Enjoy the now. Flood her with attention and she will likely return the attention you need. I wish you both the rest of your marrage to be filled with good times.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hurt,
You hit the nail on the head with regard to her & mine- past behaviors.
As for the telling part, it is all me. She would rather block it out then talk about it. But she understands that my imagination can get the worst of me, so she answers my questions. 
I keep struggling with wanting to talk about her cheating versus putting it in the past. 
It seems today I have a new wound with regards to the good friend screwing my wife. Its like it is fresh, like she just confessed. It seemed easer 7 month ago when she first told me about some guy.
I have found my self less attentive to her today then I was for the past 7 months. This new information is killing me(good friend several times). 
So thank you so much for the reply, you are right, for the past 7 months she has been returning my attension with her affection ten fold and I just needed someone to shine the light on that. So to night I will pull my head out of my butt and get back to the matter at hand. I believe you may have convienced me to stop with the questions and move on. 
I knew ther was a reason I told her never to tell me about her affairs, it hurst so dam much. But this last one was just so dam obvious.


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## whynot (Apr 16, 2010)

Actually, dont take this the wrong way, but I think it was your wife who saved you! As you said in one post that she was having affairs to band aid feeling neglected and used (quite the contradiction, but evident in your marriage). You basically cared less if she was there or not unless you wanted a bang, literally. I know how your wife felt during that time, it is very scary and painful. You woke up and realized you wanted her around... now keep giving her that which you did not for so long. I feel good for both of you that this turned around... you have a lot of getting to know each other for being together so many years. :smthumbup:


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## whynot (Apr 16, 2010)

the guy said:


> Hurt,
> You hit the nail on the head with regard to her & mine- past behaviors.
> As for the telling part, it is all me. She would rather block it out then talk about it. But she understands that my imagination can get the worst of me, so she answers my questions.
> I keep struggling with wanting to talk about her cheating versus putting it in the past.
> ...


Dont push away bc of this friend. In all honesty, as I said in my above post, she was doing what she needed to do to get though with no interest nor attention from you except for some hard core banging which isnt her style. 

This is another example of cheating not always being a scumbag thing to do. People need to feel connection, that intimacy that should come in a marriage and when its absent or purposefully with held, and yet you still care for the spouse and maybe have kids together, sometimes its the only thing you can do to stay married. Dont dismiss her again or she may cheat again. Women need love like men need respect... women respect men who love them, men then love women who respect them. Its in the Bible even! Keep both alive from here on out, it was a wonderful wake up call for your marriage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Whynot,
Im not taking it the wrong way b/c I believe what you wrote is true. The wife is more shy and quite then an outgoing party girl. She is very uncomfortable in crowds. So I believe it took alot for her to go find what she was missing.
Another thing that cuaght my attention was "it was your wife that saved you" Wow, I had to think about that, I'm quessing, if she saved me, it was from not leaving me in the beganning so I wouldn't treat my next relationship the same way I treated her? or, She changed me for the better in regards to how I treated her? Whynot, I'll need a reply back on that thought. 

I get what your telling me about W's feelings, and W has also told me,she has put up with alot and I have sent her off to find her boytoys/relationships, but for the life of me, why do I feel betrayed, now after so many years of dismissing the marriage, the sleeping around business is a tough row to hoe for me.

Be careful for what you wish for.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Update;
Mrs. the-guy has done a great job in doing the heavy lifting to help me heal. In fact she sticks to me like glue and I have excepted this and so far have met her need.
Except for one thing, she has asked that I lighten up. I continue to take her and hold her down while I " get my needs met".
In addition I have been there for her and we are no longer co habitators and we are lovers, best friends, and support each others, but upon her reguest I can not be gentel.

She is receptive and she addmits that she is a sl~t but "only my sl~t, and with that I continue to exhibit the same behaviors I had "back in the day.

As I continue to balanca out my fetish with her need for romanace, I still see the need to do better for my WW. Or should I say past wayward wife.

She has done the heavy lifting and her remorse far sir passes the list mentioned here at TAM, but the bottom line is I see my self falling back to the unhealthy behaviors that took her to a place that was gentel and romantic that most women graive. 

Bottom line, I find my self using my wife as the trophy wife/booty call that it once was....

This fetish of mine, I find will soon get in the way. Granted, she has submitted to me and has give her selve completely back to me, I find that the emotional need she found through other men is gone, I think the phsyical need is not there.
Resently she has asked me to "settle down", but after the 10 second kisses, and the cuddeling, and the listening, I find my self "taking her" .

In away I think besides the GPS, VAR, and investigative behavior I exhibit, she sees the need to sexualy submit to my fetish (dominance) behavior as the part of the heavy lifting. 

This is not an arguement, or a topic that is contiversersoul. it's something that just happens and she has only once, since d-day (20 month ago) that she told me that it was getting out of hand.

Last night I jacked up her hip, and my back...it was rough and ther was no complaints other then the sore hip.

Anger management has helped me outside the bed room, but when I start to bang away, pull the hair and spank her, it seem to get out of hand, and it only addressed the next morning.

My question is, what do I need to do when my kink gets in the way of having a healthier marriage? 

Yes I know what she needs and yes I know what made her stray, but when we both ( me & wife) know what we are capable of doing to each other (in a bad way), and commit to preventing these unhealthy behavior from coming up again, how does one control the urge to consistantly dominate in the bed room when it is one of the issues that ......on occasion not meet her needs.

Second question will the book "his need and her needs" or is it "her needs and his needs" help? 

Some one , please tell me what book we can read that will get us through this rut, with regard to our plite in the bed room.

Other then that it is f~cking awsome that my W has her best friend back (me).

On a side note; we talked about a ONS she had with guy with a penis pircing, it was just something she brought up, it was a fem dom thing she had to walk away from. In general the OM's were romantic and kind. Bottom line after 20 months of talking about the OM's it was all about kisses and romance. I've learned and understood her affiars, but damb it I'm just not wired that way!!!!
I like it rough, she likes it slow, so were do our needs come together. 
Do I need to tie a string around my finger to remind me of what she needs in bed?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm not sure your finger is the appendage you should tie a string to... Maybe use a different one, and give your wife the other end. So she can give it a tug when she needs to.



C


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

LOL
PBear, we did that and the thing is "pulling the string" is not her kink.
She has no cripe, other then the hip and some spankinging last wek end. 
My thinking is, yes some femdom would be fun, "pulling the string", but thats not her...its only addressed the next morning, when were spreading Bengay over our sore muscels. 

She won't stop me at the moument, and I get out of hand.


Wait thats it......she needs to adress it right then and there...that it PB .....she does need to " to pull the string" that night , not the next morning...... 

TAM is awsome, just saved me a $15.00 copay

thanks


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Update;
Its almost been 2 years since d-day and the marriage is moving along. Two different people with healthier behaviors and a different marriage altogther. We couldn't ask more from each other.

Still working on my spelling but my typing has inproved since stay here at TAM.

One thing I noticed is the enviroment that CWI has taken, I find it very interesting to see it evolve.

Thanks to Blind- I reposted my old thread. I would have attached it thru a link in the IM but i can bearly spell much less navigate this site, so.............

Well B- this is for you....let the bashing begin. LOL


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Glad too ah help? wow I'm speechless its not like any story I have come across here. When you pushed her away and said get a boyfriend
my thought was "oops!" I'm glad you worked it out but I'm betting you wish you could go back and have a do over of that moment
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes, it is one of many things I would take back, but at the time my freedom was more in portant then being in a relationship and in my mind I didn't think she would do it. 

But you are right,the day I confronted her and she reminded me of my unhealthy remark, it was a "opps" moment.

Another thing is it really wasn't so much a d-day as it was a confrontation on bad behaviors. 

It truely is so easy to deny something like this! Once you face it, then it seems the world changes. in my case for the better.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

T_G, one thing that I see you have is a supernatural strong ego (in the best sense of the word) which is "far above those of mortal men" . It takes one to endure the devastation of infidelity and choose to remain married to a serial cheater. By the way, is your wife in therapy to resolve her childhood abuse from her father?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thank you, I was expecting the cuckold, doormat routine. Instead I get the pat on the back for ......well I'm not sure, but it seems like a pat on the back. LOL 

No she currently is working on the rape she suffered from a friend, 25 years ago. As imortal as I may seem, I have to stay away from that. She often wants to discuss her session but it always lead to the crap I did to her so I dance around the subject.

Now that I think about it even with her dads abuse and every other thing that she talks about in her past session, it seems to end up pointing to me......go figure. I guess that why its so hard to hear. 

M-
You just saved me another $15 co pay. I think I'll suck it up and listen, it appears I have something to do with it ;-)


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

this is an amazing place truly I'm glad to have met y'all just wish it wasn't under these circumstances.
my mind at times wants to say none of you are real people and tam isn't real I'm just being conned by one person creating all these ID's and stories

and I'm still in the matrix --- but I know that isn't the case ;->
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

That would be one hell of an imagination for one person to create and come up with all of this crap.
B- this stuff is real, some of the people that post my not be, but for the most part there are some real bad things happening to some real good people.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

oh I know, its the mind saying I'm the only one
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

MyDog8em said:


> I would blow her off and tell her to “go get a boy toy...


I believe this phrase has been twisted around since Madonna used to wear her "Boy Toy" t-shirts. Boy toys are women. Your wife would be the "boy toy" for her new man. Get it? She would be the toy for a boy. HIS toy, not hers. Am I wrong?

Sorry, no thoughts on the rest of the post. I found it to be quite a story until I got sidetracked by this.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

while she made the decision to cheat in your case you provided
the rules to do so. Usually I'd say the cheater is 100% responsible but 
yours is a special case where you ignored her and gave her a pass and then
woke up with a what the f did I do that for?? You need to own that resonsibility 
You both have suffered and both can be of help to others.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

MrK,
It depends were your from, down under its toyboy, out here in SoCal a couger has a younger man= she has a boy toy.

B-,
You hit the nail on the head hence why I'm one of the few that can move on with this crap and find it a little more easier to forgive.

Ya we both are getting the help to see what happened as young kids and how it effected how we show love. Take note others, don't stay in a marriage for the kids, it dont work!!!!!

On a side note I still feel that my experience still has some help to someone out there. Confronting her was still very painful, and the script was exactly as you would read on any other thread. Also, with my approach on the confrontation....no begging, no crying.

Confidence in moving on and making the changes for your self. Don't walk in front of me, don't walk behind me, but walk next to me. And if that can't happen then don't walk with me at all.

So again I hope if any thing folks can learn from my approach when confronting their wayward, doesn't matter what lead to the infidelity.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

After all these year I found my old thread, thank TAM.

Last night me and my old lady were talking about the ol'days and I informed her that it was 3 years ago, to the day that I confronted her.

She started writing down years and numbers and I instantly realized it was her time line. So I had to dig up my old thread to see if it matched, and it does.

I'm going to continue read if you want, but its the same crap different guy.... and I mean a really different guy!


By '05 she really took a turn for the worse. Whats interesting is by, '03 I stopped hitting her...I never really saw how close the years were between when I finished working on my anger management (AM) and when she went nut sh1t crazy. [I begame a nice guy out of guilt and she took that for a ride] and I continued to choose an unmarried mans life over a married mans life. Hell as long as I got mine 1st the who cares who gets my sloppy seconds

I think the AM was truely for my self. I wasn't raised that way, I know it was wrong. The rugsweeping we did on her 1st rodeo just brought out the worst in both of us. So even with the AM, staying out of County,street fighting, road rage, and slapping my wife, stopping, I still did not want the ball and chain and continued with the emotional abuse...even before her 1st, I was that way. Her 1st affair just made it easier to do the crap I did.

The MC was just ok, and very short lived. The 3rd IC my chick found works. I have been working on my self for a while, but my chick has alot to cover....rape in her teens and physically abusive husaband but the meds help alot. I think the current IC is a pot head, but it works for my old lady. Mrs. the-guy hates pills so the weed realy balances her out. She should have been smoking for years mabye I wouldn't be in this mess.LOL

I no longer sell my self to the Corp. but enjoy a smaller work enviorment......big business was fun and I loved the gaint contracts, but these day I enjoy coming home early, and some times spending the day in the pool or in the dungin with my submissive wife who in the end always wanted me. I know she no longer needs bandaids to heal the wounds her life gave her. I no longer need to find that kind of happiness with work.

These days thing are balance out, and no matter how hard I try to get rid of my old lady she sticks around. LOL 

No matter how hard Mrs. the-guy tries to get rid of me her submissive nature keeps me around.

We have both learned alot after 23 years [this March] and we are both glad we stuck it out, now that we both have the tools to stop our unhealthy behaviors....God knows we have the capacity to pure it on but will I ever slap my wife in the face? No. Her butt? Yes. That how she rolls. 

Will my wife screw around again? That is up to her. Its not my fault now. If she wants to go back down that road at 45yo, then I can easily let her go. And thats the thing both of us can easily let each other go with out blinking an eye if we ever go back to the way it was!





Some of you folks now me as a very helpful guy,and I thank you from deep in my heart for those kind words.

Once a wife beater not always a wife beater. Poeple change, poeple can stay out of jail, poeple can stop screwing aroun on there spouse's......but will they???????????

Shout, gotta run, forgot about Mrs. theguy tied in the basement. LOL


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Yours is truly an amazing story. 
:smthumbup:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I still can't figure it out so I chuck it up to a higher power.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if a I didn't change back then....what if I continued to dismiss my wife?

The guy she was with was a convict, if I didn;t step up she might have fallen deeper into dispiar, or she could have been pick up by some rich guy and had a better life??? IDk......

Interesting how life throws crap at you and your not sure if you got hit or moved out of the way. LOL


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I never would have found this forumn


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Amazing


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Alot of folks like to label way off threads as trolls, but the crap I went thru...I have to say I can believe anything can happen when it comes to infidelity.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

the guy said:


> Alot of folks like to label way off threads as trolls, but the crap I went thru...I have to say I can believe anything can happen when it comes to infidelity.


You better believe it. I just essentially said the same thing on cause789's thread.

To tell the truth I haven't seen anything on this board come close to a few threads I have read elsewhere.

Thankfully


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Huge trigger today, I wanted to drive after the offending party and b!tch them out, but I did flip them off.

This morning I drove off to work thinking of the confrontation that happened 3years, 2 days and 1/2 hour ago.

I got to the job site ( a residential lot at a dead end) and had to make a U turn to approach the drive so I could back up and unload material.

Drove past the job and noticed a car and a chick getting out and a pickup approaching ( I'm heading east the pickup is heading west)

I make my U turn and appraoch the 2 vehicals( car on the shoulder, truck in the west bound lane) I drive around in oppisite lane and turn north into the drive accross the street from job site, directly infront of both vehicals facing west.

So the job site and this rondaview is directly across from each other. I'm right there in front of everything.

I have to pull right in front of both vehicial to make my three point turn to back up into the site with my materials and tools, so I am inches away from both vehical bumbers and can look directly into the windshiels of the pickup were said women in car is in said pickup of guy ....making out, both doors of said vehical are still open/ still running I assume.

I back up into the jobsite pause half way down the job site driveway. ( now looking north at the driverside window of said pick up truck) and women in said car jumps out of said pick up truck, pick up drives off with big @ss grin,never making eyecontact with me, I now see the car and the women putting on a sweater to cover her ....tanktop/night shirt ( its 40 degrees in the morning her in so cal, its sweater weather for us), jumps in her car and drives off.

She looks to the left (her south) I'm looking north and we make eye contact. Alls I could do was shake my head no, raise both my hand s and flip her off with both hands.

The look in her face was of saddness, disgust and just negitiveness that I saw, I felt it, I felt the negitive , her and OM felt it as well, and all went about our day.

Who meets in a deadend street at 7 in the morning, in 2 different vehicals, and all drive off knowing that it was all wrong?



I did mention this to the home owner/job site, and I said " you won't believe what I just say"...home owner said " a fox"... I said " this hot looking blonde meeting some wheesel in the middle of the street in front of your house"...home owner said " thats the nieghbors, she sneaks around"..............


This sh1t phucked up my morning......I wish I had a smart phone, I would have vented earlier!!!!!!!!!


As soon as it gets dark, I'm going to have car sex with Mrs.the-guy........I'm not sure if I'll tell her or not!

My question is should I find a dead end some were in the nieghborhood or should I back up 20 feet and do it in my own drive way?

I'm going to tell her I lost my ATM card and when she goes to help me look for it in my truck, I'm going to disable the door locks and have my way with her in my truck! Hopefully she doesn't find one of my power tools, graps it and hits me in the head and dragges me back to her liar and has her way with me!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

3putt said:


> You better believe it. I just essentially said the same thing on cause789's thread.
> 
> To tell the truth I haven't seen anything on this board come close to a few threads I have read elsewhere.
> 
> Thankfully


@3putt, One of FWW OM was from your neck of the woods, please don't tell me you met a shy blonde in san diego a few years ago! 

I really have a hard time with cops right now, it seems back in the day, cops and my chick were like flies to sh1t....

Anyway what are the chances? No matter how small of a world we live in???? LOL


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I hate this time of year. 

I'm not a big baseball fan, I'm not a basketball fan,but its better then nothing. 

I can't believe I've been here this long!

BTW, I never burned my FWW call log, went back to '10 and it was 2/11/10........that was the day.

WTF.

I'm happy, I like the new direction, my soul no longer belongs to the Corp., and my old lady is great....she now knows what she needs and can look at me (when I take the blindfold off) in the face and tell me, and I can meet that need, but can I maintian the dominance this women wants? Can this women meet the submission I reguire from her?

It is a strange new world we both live in. The kids are moving on, the sexual devience grows and with that we grow together as spouses, and I wounder what the next 25 years will bring?

As domestic partners we carry on, but I wonder will/when her submission stop?

To bad we scared the sh1t out of our last MC....it might be time to find a new one, but do we need a new one?

Man I have so many questions these days, and there not about use as individuals more about how healthy our miriage is at this point?

Right now I wonder if we will behave the same way we are now and how we are going to behave in 20 years..when we are in our 60's?

After going thru what we both did I know I will never hit her again, I believe she will never screw around , when will the time come when our needs will shift?

Any folks in there 60's want to chime in? Any old timers that used to smack their old lady around want to chime in? Any real women want to chime in on were their 40 year marriage has brought them after scrwing around on ther old man?

Its only been 3 years and I wonder what the next 3 years will bring us as we grow together?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

the guy said:


> @3putt, One of FWW OM was from your neck of the woods, please don't tell me you met a shy blonde in san diego a few years ago!
> 
> I really have a hard time with cops right now, it seems back in the day, cops and my chick were like flies to sh1t....
> 
> Anyway what are the chances? No matter how small of a world we live in???? LOL


Oh hell no! LOL! Never been to Cali, although I would love to visit one day.

Besides, after my first betrayal 22 years ago, I started actually asking women that were flirting with me if they were married. I was stunned by the amount of confirmations I received. 

I'm quite sure I've slept with a couple of married women in my day, but I can assure you, it was without my knowledge. Makes me sick to even think about.

3putt don't go there....well, at least knowingly anyway.

Ugh.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My old lady never hid her marriage. So in most cases the OM's didn't give a damb..in fact 1 out of twenty didn't want to sleep with her.
As far as the other 19, they knew she was still sleeping with her husband, but in a bad marriage.

I think many didn't put two and two together and didn't realize they were getting my sloppy seconds.

In my FWW mind she figured it was the OM's choice to go down on her or not and I quote " they knew what they were eating when I told them about you".....

The last guy...the one I confronted her about, knew FWW was still sleeping with me. I found a text state how he wanted her to shower up before seeing him.

It amazes me how imoral a guy can be just to get laid at closing time!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It's our 22nd Anny today.

Typically on most Anny's we would be calling up up room service in a dark hotel room in Vegas. But since the job market took a crap we chased the kids out and just had loud sex at home ( not the same as binging in a hotel room but fun all the same) and in hind sight the kids saw it coming and got out of dodge.

Its been 3 years since D day and..well couldn't ask for a better R.

But

Just the other day I wanted to really bound on this guy....I mean I was so mad.

It makes me wonder if Mrs. the-guy regresses like I do? In the end I used the tools I have learned and I can only hope she uses hers.

I think there would be a great disappointment from each of us if I came home with a swollen hands or if she stayed out all night!!! 

It kind of sucks knowing the capacity is still there......at least for me!

But today was a good day.......I deserve good things.....and I got them....my old lady deserves them so I made sure she got her fill of big sexy! LOL

Marriage is so phucking tough! But the tough things in life bring the greatest rewards.


Thank God winter is over.......I really hate winter!!!!!!




























.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Eeeeee.

Enjoy dude!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Woke up this morning and tripped over her thigh high boots and red panties...only to realize I don't need to call housekeeping for more towels and only had to walk out to the linen closet for more towels.

Kids are still gone so it looks like a nooner is in order...its a shame the dog can't open up another bottle of champing and bring use eggs benidict...LOL

Well happy anniversary to the guy wife the cheating wife.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Didnt you write somewhere she was a nude model?

GENERICALLY what kind of nude model? or was that a joke?

No details but, college art model? You married a Playmate, Webcam girl?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She was in a start up company along time ago.

Some geek had an idea to but nude models on when video conferencing took off back in the mid '90's....now look at what it has become... now a days you don't even have to type and anyone with a web cam in their lab top can be a porn star. 

Back then you had to go to an adult book store to get the connection/feed... with in months more and more folks got faster internet (no more dial up) and then it really took off especially with remote connections for the IT work and credit card info. She started doing it at home.

Once my broken leg healed she stopped working at the company, the co. was sold and she took it home but then the kids started growing up so we took down the "studio" in the master bed room. The good 'ol day..... LOL

We were both little porn star, making $7 a minute! Back in the day an average log in was 20 minute. I wonder what its going for these days? I really can't believe how far that crap has come and how available it is


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

You "guys" are really special.
I'm so glad you - individuals and couple - are thriving.
Your DDay is close to mine. I'm doing well too.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

"special"......ya where's the short bus? LOL

Ya I'm "special", so special I have to wear a helmet when I go for walks.

Ya so "special" instead of two correctional officers I get to walk with three correctional officers.

I'm so "special" my family makes me wear bright clothes so I don't get lost.

Ya I feel "special" with this stupid leash attached to my wrist every time they take me to the mall.

I'm so special on my birthday I got a card with a coupon for adult diapers......:rofl:

Seriously I'm not sure what makes us so special but apperantly some one has a plan for us.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Back in the 90's I did marital counseling as a chaplain and as an associate pastor in a Presbyterian church. I dealt with some pretty nasty marriages. Often times I would think to myself in the first meeting, there is no way anyone can fix it. But I always believe in the X factor, God. In every case the marriage got fix. I will say this and I mean it, it was not the counselor. Yes, I gave them homework assignments, used the Bible, prayed with the couples, but in my cases I thought they were hopeless, my senior pastor always gave me the hopeless cases. I never shared that with the couple, that I thought they were hopeless. Couples would fight, curse, etc in my office. To my knowledge these couples are still together. I met one a few years ago and they were still going strong.

Your marriage was a mess and for the most part it was your fault, to be blunt. Telling her to go find a boy toy is really out there. I find the other stuff, drinking, ignoring her, etc just to be what it is, selfish behavior. 

What I find interesting in your story is that I don't see an exit strategy from your wife. I don't know your wife, but I would suspect she looked at you as her meal ticket and security. But the response to your three questions I believe says it all. She answered them positively and to me the way you wrote it, she answered them sincerely. And that my friend is what changed your outlook. She was honest and sincere. 

Your situation is quite different than most on TAM. You gave her permission. You pushed her into her A's and encouraged her to do so. You set the rules so to speak.

When you "woke up" so to speak and confronted her, she gave you all the information. Statistically, when the WS comes clean and is open there is a fairly high chance of the M working out. I see your wife did that.

I see great hope in your M. The change is you, Guy. You came to your senses. And as long as your wife is accountable and you keep doing what you are doing it is going to be great.

I would work hard on communication and learning what you can to keep the M as vibrant as you can. I would even look at going to a PREP (the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) workshop if you can. I must put a disclaimer out there. I was a trained facilitator and taught at many PREP events from around 1999 till about 2007 in the military setting. Trust me on this, PREP is clinically validated, been around for about 20 years, came out the University of Denver, bottom line, it has a lot of research behind it to validate it, and it is very effective in keeping marriages together compared to regular marital therapy.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Wow well I am glad you owned up to your half of the problem in the marriage. I am also glad to see that you changed yourself. I will say that cheating is terrible but willful neglect and denial pretty much paved the way for the Affairs. I am glad to see you both have fundamentally changed the way you treat your marriage. I am also glad to see that you have accepted god back into your life. Your story is unique and should be shared. Because a lot of men may be in similar situations and not realize what they are missing and losing out on. A lot of women may see your story and realize they need to make a change. It is hard to read your story and take a clear cut side and as much as i try to wrap my head around it the story has too many twists and turns. No you didn't cheat however you really weren't married. So what made you realize you wanted to change everything. I mean I doubt it was just realizing the infidelity. I think you knew it was happening and you buried it. What made you want change everything you had?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

badbane said:


> What made you want change everything you had?


I changed cuz of what I never wanted to be!
It wasn't about Mrs. the-guy.........it was about me and the sh1t storm I was living.

These days its about being part of a forum and watching out for "the guy" that made the same mistakes I made.

Hell even if they were the bestest H ever they still can learn from an @ss (me)!

Guys, no matter what cards we are dealt with, or no matter what we created we can move on.

At the end of the day, its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.

"The only constant in life is change"...were did I read that? :lol:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Zombie thread raise...raise...raise!!!

Ok I'm crazy, just ask any one thats been here longer then me...or hasn't been banned. LOL


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## Ryan_sa (May 8, 2012)

congrats on your anniversary the other day, and sticking it out long enough to have good days like that.
Keep posting here, it gives the rest of us hope that others can fix their marriages too.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thanks, its tough keeping her in line, but then again there are guys that don't even try and still get screwed.

NOW I'M OLD FASHION!!!!! lol

The point here is, all is not typical and in this community we can never generalize.

so shut up! LOL


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ryan_sa said:


> congrats on your anniversary the other day, and sticking it out long enough to have good days like that.
> Keep posting here, it gives the rest of us hope that others can fix their marriages too.


I can't fix sh1t!
But I can change and start a new marriage with the same women.

It will be up to *both* of us to hang out for the rest of our lifes.

@Matt Matt I'm still not putting the phucking ring on!


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