# Is it me?...



## Crazylife736 (Apr 6, 2020)

Sorry if this is long & all over the place. I'm trying to give all info....We have been together for 12 years married for almost 7yrs and have 3 kids together (10 and under). Other than intimacy our marriage is great. We hardly fight.... unless it's about sexual stuff. He works 2nd/3rd shift and a part time job (3days a week). I stay home with the kids. I try to stay up late to see him when he comes home anywhere from 11:30- 12:30am but sometimes I am exhausted. We text while he is at work so we talk basically all day. We have sex atleast once a week and for the month atleast 6 times but if I ever say I am tired or push him away he is mad. If we are laying in bed in the morning his hands have to be in my pants and if I stop him at all I'm ridiculous & he asks why cant he just play with me. He started smoking a few years ago while at work and I told him that I hated it & that I wouldnt kiss him. This is a huge turnoff to me and he knows it. I also hate bad teeth and he has let his teeth go and now has bad breath. He gets mad that I dont want to kiss him all the time but idk how to just ignore it. I am not perfect far from it. I personally dont like giving oral. Doesnt mean I dont but it's not as often as I should & he has to be showered if he plans on getting any. He is a hardworking, funny and so easy going. He helps out a ton around the house and is very understanding that my life is crazy. Hes a great dad basically everything is fine besides our sex life. How many times a month is normal? Idk, I feel crazy because he is so unhappy lately with ours but I dont understand. Is it normal to need sex 5 times a week? He claims everything has to be my way in the room yet I let him blindfold me whenever he want... guess I am trying to see what others think....


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## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Crazylife736 said:


> Sorry if this is long & all over the place. I'm trying to give all info....We have been together for 12 years married for almost 7yrs and have 3 kids together (10 and under). Other than intimacy our marriage is great. We hardly fight.... unless it's about sexual stuff. He works 2nd/3rd shift and a part time job (3days a week). I stay home with the kids. I try to stay up late to see him when he comes home anywhere from 11:30- 12:30am but sometimes I am exhausted. We text while he is at work so we talk basically all day. We have sex atleast once a week and for the month atleast 6 times but if I ever say I am tired or push him away he is mad. If we are laying in bed in the morning his hands have to be in my pants and if I stop him at all I'm ridiculous & he asks why cant he just play with me. He started smoking a few years ago while at work and I told him that I hated it & that I wouldnt kiss him. This is a huge turnoff to me and he knows it. I also hate bad teeth and he has let his teeth go and now has bad breath. He gets mad that I dont want to kiss him all the time but idk how to just ignore it. I am not perfect far from it. I personally dont like giving oral. Doesnt mean I dont but it's not as often as I should & he has to be showered if he plans on getting any. He is a hardworking, funny and so easy going. He helps out a ton around the house and is very understanding that my life is crazy. Hes a great dad basically everything is fine besides our sex life. How many times a month is normal? Idk, I feel crazy because he is so unhappy lately with ours but I dont understand. Is it normal to need sex 5 times a week? He claims everything has to be my way in the room yet I let him blindfold me whenever he want... guess I am trying to see what others think....


Hey 

To start with, I hope you’re taking good care of yourself and family in this global Pandemic. 

Now about your query ...

There isnt anything wrong if he’s expecting you to have sex more than 3 times in a week. There are people having 3-4 tyms a day even aftr getting married for nore than a decade. So, your hubby seems to be from that category.

May be having sex with you is a stress burster for him. You shouldnt feel offended / bad if he’s sleeping with his hands in your undies. Don’t forget one thing, he’s expecting everythibg from you so you should feel lucky. If at some point, he dont get what he need then he might look for someone else, which will end up in a mess. So dont let him take this drastic step.

About hygiene, yes you can tell him to join you for a shower the moment he’d stepped home. Am sure he’ll like to have sex in the bathroom 

More on your reply. Till then, cheers 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

IndianApple said:


> Hey
> 
> To start with, I hope you’re taking good care of yourself and family in this global Pandemic.
> 
> ...


Fair and good advice.


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## Tobeknown (Mar 24, 2020)

Crazylife736 said:


> Sorry if this is long & all over the place. I'm trying to give all info....We have been together for 12 years married for almost 7yrs and have 3 kids together (10 and under). Other than intimacy our marriage is great. We hardly fight.... unless it's about sexual stuff. He works 2nd/3rd shift and a part time job (3days a week). I stay home with the kids. I try to stay up late to see him when he comes home anywhere from 11:30- 12:30am but sometimes I am exhausted. We text while he is at work so we talk basically all day. We have sex atleast once a week and for the month atleast 6 times but if I ever say I am tired or push him away he is mad. If we are laying in bed in the morning his hands have to be in my pants and if I stop him at all I'm ridiculous & he asks why cant he just play with me. He started smoking a few years ago while at work and I told him that I hated it & that I wouldnt kiss him. This is a huge turnoff to me and he knows it. I also hate bad teeth and he has let his teeth go and now has bad breath. He gets mad that I dont want to kiss him all the time but idk how to just ignore it. I am not perfect far from it. I personally dont like giving oral. Doesnt mean I dont but it's not as often as I should & he has to be showered if he plans on getting any. He is a hardworking, funny and so easy going. He helps out a ton around the house and is very understanding that my life is crazy. Hes a great dad basically everything is fine besides our sex life. How many times a month is normal? Idk, I feel crazy because he is so unhappy lately with ours but I dont understand. Is it normal to need sex 5 times a week? He claims everything has to be my way in the room yet I let him blindfold me whenever he want... guess I am trying to see what others think....


I feel like you are my hubby and I'm him in this scenario...😂
I'm a daily or at least 3x a week kinda gal. He used to want me daily if not more and I was like heck yes! I'm the frustrated one. 
But...I don't smoke and I'm very super duper clean. And I don't get angry at him...I just feel bummed. 
Everyone has their own drives. For me though it's the intimacy not just the sex. My love language of the 5, is most high in the physical touch area and it's essential for me to be wanted intimately to feel loved. I want to kiss him often, I love a good make out session in the kitchen, I enjoy his touch. I love yo hold his hand watching tv. I love to be wanted. Lots.
Don't know about your hubby but maybe that's his love language as well? 
Getting mad at you won't solve anything and maybe if he "spoke" your love language more to you you'd want him more? I don't know...
I do know this...I don't want to be pawed at like an object. I want to be desired. I want to feel close to him but not like a receptacle. 
I heard this once... When sex is good for both parties and everyone is satisfied it's really not an issue in a marriage. When it's not happening or someone feels rejected often, it's a major issue.

Sounds like you have a good man who you're happy with mostly. I wonder if when he says that it has to be your way in the bedroom if he's referring more to the amount of sex, not necessarily the type. I would wonder if you initiated more, after a good shower and brushed teeth lol if he'd feel that way. If that's his love language he needs that more from you than maybe you need it from him. Just a thought. I'm not a counselor just giving a little input 😉


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

I would build off of ToBeKnown's comments. I think a big part of your situation, is your husband wanting to "feel wanted". He likely feels the "no" as a reject of your sexual interest in him. I struggled with that for many, many years. I took my wife having a lower desire than I did, as her not wanting me...and the more i felt unwanted (even if it was not true), the harder I pushed for sex, with hopes of validation. I get the hygiene issue, only way around that is to confront it directly. You are not going to want to get busy with him, if his hygiene is off.


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## Crazylife736 (Apr 6, 2020)

Thank you everyone. I didnt realize how much saying no could be hurting him. So here's to more sex and a happier husband! Thanks again


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Crazylife736 said:


> Sorry if this is long & all over the place. I'm trying to give all info....We have been together for 12 years married for almost 7yrs and have 3 kids together (10 and under). Other than intimacy our marriage is great. We hardly fight.... unless it's about sexual stuff. He works 2nd/3rd shift and a part time job (3days a week). I stay home with the kids. I try to stay up late to see him when he comes home anywhere from 11:30- 12:30am but sometimes I am exhausted. We text while he is at work so we talk basically all day. We have sex atleast once a week and for the month atleast 6 times but if I ever say I am tired or push him away he is mad. If we are laying in bed in the morning his hands have to be in my pants and if I stop him at all I'm ridiculous & he asks why cant he just play with me. He started smoking a few years ago while at work and I told him that I hated it & that I wouldnt kiss him. This is a huge turnoff to me and he knows it. I also hate bad teeth and he has let his teeth go and now has bad breath. He gets mad that I dont want to kiss him all the time but idk how to just ignore it. I am not perfect far from it. I personally dont like giving oral. Doesnt mean I dont but it's not as often as I should & he has to be showered if he plans on getting any. He is a hardworking, funny and so easy going. He helps out a ton around the house and is very understanding that my life is crazy. Hes a great dad basically everything is fine besides our sex life. How many times a month is normal? Idk, I feel crazy because he is so unhappy lately with ours but I dont understand. Is it normal to need sex 5 times a week? He claims everything has to be my way in the room yet I let him blindfold me whenever he want... guess I am trying to see what others think....


I am with you on this one. If my husband started smoking, I would have to file for divorce. Smokers and me do not mix at all. 
I also like you would not think to give oral if I did not think the level of cleanliness was high
I would differ from you in that I do not wear pants in bed and I really do not mind him having his hands where he wants his hands in bed. 
I do not believe there is a normal when it comes to how many times per week. Each couple has whatever is enough for them. The number game does not apply on this particular activity in the home. 
Is how I look at it.


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