# I think my ex sunk to a new low even for him.



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I've been doing SO good and should have just let this one go or at least responded with a thank you.

I was gone most of today with various classes and services at church, and he knew that since I had told him due to child swap issues. We also had a strained conversation about the kids' schedule since he changed it on me, but then wouldn't respect my changes as a result and got all pissy. That was resolved before church, but he was still mad I think about not having control of it and being called out.

When I moved out in the middle of June, I left a litter box (scooped/clean) in the basement for 2 of the 3 cats. I took 1 cat with me, 2 stayed. The 2 that stayed are largely outdoor cats but come inside in the frigid months and use the litter box. I left it for them and also because it was easier/more sanitary to just buy a new one for my home. I made SURE it was clean when left (scooped). 

Today, 3 months later, I arrived home to find that litter box, a baby gate (which was mine, that's fine) and another bin of pine shavings (for litter) in my driveway, blocking my entry into my garage (electric opener, 2 car garage and he is WELL aware which side I park on). Seriously? You have to make a special trip to deliver a FULL litter box 3 months later??? Omg, he's such a loser. I texted him, asked why in the world didn't he just toss it if he didn't want it and told him something was seriously wrong with him, which it is. 

He responded that he TOLD me to take ALL of my belongings when I left (as if I'm the one who betrayed him or something) and I didn't so he was returning them to me. 

I should have just told him thanks because my cat has been holding it for 3 months, but I didn't. Instead I responded with "pathetic lol" and then corrected his your/you're grammar.

I've been doing really good with stuff like this (even screen shotting and sending them to my sis to show her how many times I'm ignoring him, and she's proud of me!). Today, I failed .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Breath deeply.. in out, count to 8 on the inhale, hold for the count of 8, then exhale to the count of 8... do that for 10 minutes.


Just let it go. 

What are the poor cats going to do? Is he taking care of them at all?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Breath deeply.. in out, count to 8 on the inhale, hold for the count of 8, then exhale to the count of 8... do that for 10 minutes.
> 
> 
> Just let it go.
> ...


I need to do more deep breathing. I was actually trying to do that in Target today (anxious for a whole 'nother reason....just having to do with sharing my story and being vulnerable in my Bible study class.). I just need to work on my knee jerk reaction to him MORE. I am doing better, but it is not perfected .

I guess he'll keep the cats out all winter???? I have no idea! Last winter I let them in because it is COLD out there!  I know they're still around because I ask my daughter about them .


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I need to do more deep breathing. I was actually trying to do that in Target today (anxious for a whole 'nother reason....just having to do with sharing my story and being vulnerable in my Bible study class.). I just need to work on my knee jerk reaction to him MORE. I am doing better, but it is not perfected .
> 
> I guess he'll keep the cats out all winter???? I have no idea! Last winter I let them in because it is COLD out there!  I know they're still around because I ask my daughter about them .


How old is your daughter? Could she take over caring for them?

I know it's hard to rehome a cat that lives mostly outside.

I had one years ago that just preferred the feral cats to any other creature. She'd come in to eat. She'd even bring all her feral cat friends in to share her food and the dog's food. 

But over time she just became more and more feral. She would disappear for months at a time. She had a couple of litters with the lead feral male.. I guess she was just so attached to him. When I moved I could not even find her. It was like she knew we were moving. So I ended up leaving her.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

My daughter is 14, and will be 15 in Feb. More than old enough. The cats prefer to be outside in optimal weather but they scratch and cry at the door during frigid weather/rain. Makes me sad to think he'll never let them in . To be fair (?), he didn't actually SAY that, but he did return the litter box, so he'll have to get a new one (and that one WAS new) if he decides to let them in.....or clean up poop and pee.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

ETA: I left the 2 of the 3 there because of their preference for the outdoors. He lives on 10 acres and I moved to a development. Plus, one of those cats was "his" and not mine. We had gotten one kitten together, but he also prefers to romp around on the 10 acres.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I was going to ask if there is a neighbor how would help with the cats. 

with 10 acres, I'd be tempted to put some kind of covered shelter on the property for them. Maybe your daughter can do it and maybe he'll leave it alone if it look like her idea. Are there other buildings on the property that they can get into?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Your ex is so petty and childish, ugh. Divorce always brings out the best in some.

I feel sorry for the two cats, too. When I was little and we lived in the woods, our pets went in and out as they liked. They came inside in the winter, but never used a litter box, we just opened the door. But now I'm more urban and my kitties are full-time inside critters.

Maybe your daughter can help monitor the cats as the weather turns cold.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Pluto2 said:


> Your ex is so petty and childish, ugh. Divorce always brings out the best in some.
> 
> I feel sorry for the two cats, too. When I was little and we lived in the woods, our pets went in and out as they liked. They came inside in the winter, but never used a litter box, we just opened the door. But now I'm more urban and my kitties are full-time inside critters.
> 
> Maybe your daughter can help monitor the cats as the weather turns cold.



^I agree with Pluto. Ugh your Ex is such a :tool:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Wow, what a prize his bimbos got.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'd be tempted to rig a bucket full of the litter to dump on his head when he opens the front door..... But I guess I'm just in a devilish mood.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

I would give 50% of the used cat litter back. Dump it on his porch.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

There has to be a lot more to this story than this. Is he the father of the 15 yr old daughter? Is this your first marriage? How long married to each other? What church do you go to and how long have you gone?

Does he have any other children from other marriages? What is the age of each of you? Does he go to the same church as you? Does he pay child support or alimony? Does he work? 

is this the guy you divorced and then back together with? 

Too many unknowns to even begin to respond. There is a slim chance that his side of the story could put a whole new light on how people should respond.

Do you thrive on drama?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Of course there's than just this going on. STR didn't reiterate her entire story and has been here for awhile. Sorry you aren't familiar with her story, but she and the kids have been through a lot. Some folks don't always repeat themselves, and frankly I don't even know how to link my original thread when I start something knew, although I know some posters who do. 

I just thought the thrive on drama was a bit much, IMO.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You didn't fail Lovely, you are human. Keep breathing and move on.

A bit off topic but Epsom Salt baths are wonderful for relaxing and distressing, might be a nice thing to do for yourself and let it all just wash over you. He is a d.ickhead, not much you can do about that.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Is his name Oscar? Because he is a real wiener! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Please find a good solution for the cats. 

As far as his behavior, just keep it in mind if you ever get a little voice in your head that says that you should be together again. Its nice to have clear evidence that a jerk is a jerk.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

This thread reminded me of when my ex decided to leave. We had three cats and a dog. The oldest cat was my daughters and she was pretty much on her last legs anyways. The middle cat was a stray we had taken in that had a stroke at some point. The youngest cat was a stray that another dog had brought home. The youngest still hadn't opened its eyes when our old dog brought it home. This cat was bottle fed by my ex, my daughter and some of their friends and thought it was human. The dog was older and was also my daughter's.
My ex left suddenly and I sold my house and had a new job and apartment in less than one month. So we had to figure out what to do with the animals. If you had heard my ex talk about them a week before she left you would have thought she was talking about her own children or something. She spoiled the crap out of them. Anyways, she left. We decided the dog was too old to go to a new home. My ex wanted to conspire to lie to my daughter and say the vet said he had cancer and have him put down. I refused and took the dog. Which left the cats. I begged her to take at least the youngest one, who thought he was human, but she said it would just get killed and in the end she deserted all of the cats to die in the elements. I still get very sad when I think about them.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

@Ynot that is so sad!  Hopefully they found their way to new homes . Years ago when my ex and I were in our nearly 2 year stage of being together/separated/together/separated (trying to work it out before the divorce) we had a very old cat that I'd rescued from a friend whose baby ended up being allergic. The cat was so sweet, but old and could not hold in his bowels (meaning they leaked everywhere). I could not bring myself to "pull the plug" so I said to my ex, several times, "you're going to have to take care of this...I just can't." So one day, Memorial Day weekend 2009 I believe, we were sitting at a car dealership waiting for our paperwork on my new (used) car to be done and he informed me the cat was "no longer in the house." I hadn't even noticed because he was an indoor cat who slept a lot, but he said the day before he'd taken the cat to some random neighborhood and just dropped him off!!! I was like THAT was not what I meant by taking care of it!!!! He never ever apologized and just blamed it on me for not being "able" to do anything and how was he to know I wouldn't approve of the cat just being abandoned in a neighborhood? He wouldn't even tell me where he took him. I just hope that my ex was right and that because of how friendly that cat was that someone took him in .


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Its early and you both still have feelings(mostly bad). You both should attempt to get to indifference as fast as possible so you can both move on from this kind of childish crap.

DUDE


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

STR, don't feel bad..

When I talk to my EX wife I always snap and go off on huge rant on her via text ( because she already hung up on me ).. 

I don't give a sh!t because it makes me feel better..

The GF says it just makes me look crazy and it makes her feel like I still want her because I am looking to engage her in an argument, thus looking to keep in contact with her.. 

I tell her no.. I just won't let her sh!t on me and walk away from it anymore now that I am NOT a cop anymore.. 

It makes me feel better telling her to go fvck herself a million different ways and also how the kids picked me over her and how she gave up custody of the one son she did have.. 

I think it's okay to text him back he is an utter jerk off and then go back to his place and toss that sh!t all over his car or on his front door.. 

These people need to be reminded of the piece of sh!ts they really are. Otherwise they start to think they are normal part of society and what they did is okay.. When it really wasn't.. On MANY LEVELS...

Oh, wait here you go trying to make some sense.. No, no, no, no.. You forget the loser you are.. Yes, you are a loser.. Lets not forget that.. I know what a piece of sh!t you are.. You can't fool me and if you keep trying to convince me otherwise, I will tell the neighbors where you live what a piece of sh!t you are..


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I've been doing SO good and should have just let this one go or at least responded with a thank you.
> 
> Today, 3 months later, I arrived home to find that litter box, a baby gate (which was mine, that's fine) and another bin of pine shavings (for litter) in my driveway, blocking my entry into my garage Seriously? You have to make a special trip to deliver a FULL litter box 3 months later??? Omg, he's such a loser. I texted him, asked why in the world didn't he just toss it if he didn't want it and told him something was seriously wrong with him, which it is.
> 
> Today, I failed .


You failed in the sense that you didn't take a step back and laugh your (you're - teehee) butt off.

I actually guffawed at the full litter box. That's all kinds of slapstick wackiness there. Just imagining him transported a litter box full of cat pee and turds is quite funny. To be filled with so much immaturity that he gave you a full litter box is very funny.

Sit back and take in the comedy of his actions. 

Full litter box - how can you not crack up about that?

And if I misunderstood and it was only full of litter, it's still funny. HAHA, you're so mad at me that you made a special trip to bring me a full litterbox? HAHAHA


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I probably wouldn't have responded in any way, taking a full litter box to your ex is so ridiculously immature I would have been to stunned to react. Let's hope that on the way over he had to do a sudden stop and the box slid off the seat and spilled all over his car forcing him to scoop it up with his hands.

Like snerg said...how can you not crack up?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I just got home from dropping my kids off at their dad's house after a dr. appointment and all my cat-loving friends will be happy to know that one of the garage doors was open about a foot. I assume this is the solution he has come to in order to keep the cats safe from the elements. Although it's a gorgeous day outside today, so I'm not sure why it's necessary today.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I just got home from dropping my kids off at their dad's house after a dr. appointment and all my cat-loving friends will be happy to know that one of the garage doors was open about a foot. I assume this is the solution he has come to in order to keep the cats safe from the elements. Although it's a gorgeous day outside today, so I'm not sure why it's necessary today.


I'm glad to hear he seems to be doing the right thing by the cats though you are right the weather is still really nice. Maybe he has food there for them, or knowing what a jerk he is he probably left a bowl of anti-freeze for them.

Like @snerg said the image of him driving around with a dirty litter box is f'ing hilarous. You must still be getting under his skin for him to behave in such a sh!tty way (couldn't help the pun,lol).


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> I'm glad to hear he seems to be doing the right thing by the cats though you are right the weather is still really nice. Maybe he has food there for them, or *knowing what a jerk he is he probably left a bowl of anti-freeze for them.*
> 
> Like @snerg said the image of him driving around with a dirty litter box is f'ing hilarous. You must still be getting under his skin for him to behave in such a sh!tty way (couldn't help the pun,lol).


Yup, I thought of that too because he's done it before. (Claimed it was an accident but he hated that cat).


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

And yes, I do chuckle when I think about him loading the litter box into his truck and driving it over lol! What an idiot. It's a HUGE litter box, too, with a lid. VERY awkward to carry, especially when full!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Before you knock yourself for the brief lapse it took to reply to him, consider how long he must have stewed over the litter box, and how long it took him to drive to your place, trespass, and leave the items there, then drive back home, and wait for your response.

You're doing good. Way good. One lapse doesn't impede your success.
He got to you through the sheer logic of you being right about the cats needing a litter box.
Implying that he will be inhumane to the cats, and letting you know they're going to be left out in the cold (or hinting strongly at this) is one of the ways abusive people get to their victims. 

I'm not sure why you left as I don't know your story, but it sounds like you did the right thing. 

He's putting through a lot of effort in order to get to you.
If he was on your property and you have the text to show it as well as the things he brought, you could get a restraining order.
Just saying, what if he 'returns' something else you left and chooses a time to do it when you're home...
It's not acceptable for people to just come onto your property like that for a silly reason only THEY think is justifiable. 
I wouldn't let that slide. 
Geez.


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