# wife not happy- kinda long- please help me see



## justplainme (Jan 4, 2012)

My wife has expressed that she is not happy and wants an open marriage. My response was that she needs to grow up, do the right thing and deal with it.

A bit more background. We have been married for 6 years and have known each other for 16 years. We were always good friends first and married second. We have two kids that we adopted through the local DFCS and these kids are my (and i thought my wifes) life.

1997, spring. I uncovered an online chatting issue my wife was having. I registered and watched her activities and held my tongue as she belittled and badmouthed me and our sex life. I drew the line when she suggested a meet-up with one of her "friends" I laid it on the line. Stop this and be a mother and wife or get out. Later I discovered that she had actually talked to a couple of guys on the cell phone (people- these things get put on paper it's not hard to catch stupidity). My wife chose marriage and family much to my satisfaction and joy and things have been good. The economy has not been good and we lost our house and have moved into a rental house in a nice neighborhood. I'm not happy about this but we came to the conclusion that as long as we have family, we will be fine.

In the last 3 years my wife had been plagued with medical issues the first being a period flow that would not stop. then to find she was pre diabetic. those two issues alone brought on a 1.5 year dry spell. The medicines she took zapped her libido to nill. and packed on about an extra 50 pounds to her body. I learned to live with that; she is my wife better or worse means anything. Couple that with the fact that now I have occasional bouts of ED from stress and what ever. I never had it looked at because I did not need the little guy anyway. I've gained about 20 pounds since 1996 and I am 45, 6 feet and thickish. My wife is 5-2 230 pounds and working on it...I'd be lying if I say she still turned me on the way she did 50+ pounds ago.

In the last week, I noticed my wife changed completely. She gave me a computer note stating she was not happy and she has not cheated but she wanted to and would prefer an open marriage. That I have not been responsive to her rekindle efforts (wha?) and that I would rather not have sex than go see a doctor about my ED/Stress. I was floored. She even posed the option of a trial separation. I was taken aback completely and surprised by this.

I told her at that point that here is where she needs to be and be the mom she promised to be. and that I would think about her request and give me a couple days to do it. 

Forward to today. I get another computer document through IM and she says lifeis short and she is not happy. there are three choices on the paper.
1. open marriage- blah blah blah.
2 separation- and all the associated nonsense she wrote for that one
3. she can go behind my back and do it. blah blah blah.
the blah blahs are not being disrespectful to her just away to verbalize my thoughts upon reading this letter I hope no one else ever has to get.

Am I wrong for suggesting she seek counseling for depression, we seek counseling for marriage, that she read some books on marriage and family?

Am I wrong for trying to keep this alive, should I let her mess around and then use that against her in court? should I just tell her to go away, have fun and she gets nothing- have a nice day, period?
I'm really numb and lost and hurt and quite frankly I don't even think I want to go home but to see my beautiful girls who have been through enough BS in their short little lives.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She must already have some guy lined up, find the guy , find his wife or gf and expose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> She must already have some guy lined up, find the guy , find his wife or gf and expose.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree


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## love_joy (Jan 10, 2012)

i know your hurt, but how is she being a bad mother b/c she wants a open marriage or something different. im having a hard time looking past that part. does she ignore the kids or something? if not, you need to separate the mother part from the wife part...those are two different roles.


moving on.....all i can suggest is counseling. something is bothering her, im not sure what. maybe she can sense your not really attracted to her anymore after the weight gain. women can generally sense that. 

good luck


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