# Awkward trigger moments in public



## still so sad (May 27, 2013)

It happened to me today. Sometimes I can handle a trigger better than others.

Today while watching a movie with my sister in law, my WH and my kids, an affair scene unexpectedly popped up. I triggered. Worst part is that I was sitting too far from the doorway to leave the room so I just kept my head down and pretended I was on my phone and not paying much attention. No idea what, if anything, went through the WH's mind. 

Ugh..


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

still so sad said:


> It happened to me today. Sometimes I can handle a trigger better than others.
> 
> Today while watching a movie with my sister in law, my WH and my kids, an affair scene unexpectedly popped up. I triggered. Worst part is that I was sitting too far from the doorway to leave the room so I just kept my head down and pretended I was on my phone and not paying much attention. No idea what, if anything, went through the WH's mind.
> 
> Ugh..


Which movie?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Happened last week for the first time in a very long time as I was stuck standing in line next to the OM in my mess at the gas station. Awkward moment was an understatement.....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

still so sad said:


> It happened to me today. Sometimes I can handle a trigger better than others.
> 
> Today while watching a movie with my sister in law, my WH and my kids, an affair scene unexpectedly popped up. I triggered. Worst part is that I was sitting too far from the doorway to leave the room so I just kept my head down and pretended I was on my phone and not paying much attention. No idea what, if anything, went through the WH's mind.
> 
> Ugh..


Several years after my wife's affair we boarded a bus. Her ex-lover was the driver. That was a trigger.

So, yeah, you have my sympathy.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have same trigger. I can't watch any movie with a wife having an affair. Sends my head spinning even years after the fact and I don't even have her around anymore. It's really my only trigger but it's still a fairly strong one


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

The only movie I can half stand with an affair in it is 'Unfaithful', for reasons I am sure some here can figure out.

ETA: For a long time, I didn't trigger hard. Now, things are on replay in my mind,so I trigger all the time. I just clam up mostly. If I can get away from whatever it is that triggers me, I do.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I joined a closed Facebook group to sell some books and clothes for my daughter a few weeks ago.

When I logged on this morning, it said, " Congratulations, xxxxxx xxxxxx for winning this week's contest". (I guess the group has a weekly contest??). 

Xxxxxx xxxxxx is one of the many OW my husband screwed. We are now in a mutual FB group. 

A bit of a trigger I guess and certainly a surprise. Funny thing is her picture is of her hugging her husband. Skank.


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## Alpine (Mar 23, 2014)

Movies with infidelity are major triggers for me as well. But at the same time movies with happy love stories (close relationships) can also trigger me.

For that matter - CWI is also a major trigger, while being one of my key sources of perspective and advice (the proverbial double-edges sword).

For those that actually run into the AP, I cannot imagine how you handle it - truly. I *have imagined* what I would do or say in such an instance but (thankfully?) it has never come to pass .

Finally, I have also noticed that the duration of the feelings after the trigger can be shortened with some acknowledgment and remorse from my WW if she is there. She knows my triggers well and when she occasionally tries to ignore the trigger it compounds the pain.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I could handle a movie if it had real repercussions for infidelity which means they are all triggers because the folks that make movies have the morals of sewer rats.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

For the 30 years I was in R I could not watch any movie that dealt with infidelity. But once I divorced, that went away. Now movies about cheating husbands don't affect me more than morally -- the stabbing pain in my heart is gone.


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## still so sad (May 27, 2013)

The movie was This Is Where I leave You.

The guy comes home to bring his wife a birthday cake and finds her in their bed with her boss. I was horrified on the inside but had to ignore it and not show any emotion because of everyone else in the room.

I really hate surprise triggers.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I joined a closed Facebook group to sell some books and clothes for my daughter a few weeks ago.
> 
> When I logged on this morning, it said, " Congratulations, xxxxxx xxxxxx for winning this week's contest". (I guess the group has a weekly contest??).
> 
> ...


Hmm... did you expose to her husband?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

still so sad said:


> The movie was This Is Where I leave You.
> 
> The guy comes home to bring his wife a birthday cake and finds her in their bed with her boss. I was horrified on the inside but had to ignore it and not show any emotion because of everyone else in the room.
> 
> I really hate surprise triggers.


Thanks for the heads up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

still so sad said:


> The movie was This Is Where I leave You.
> 
> The guy comes home to bring his wife a birthday cake and finds her in their bed with her boss. I was horrified on the inside but had to ignore it and not show any emotion because of everyone else in the room.
> 
> I really hate surprise triggers.


I'm mostly over movie/TV triggers these days. Hell, we watch the ID network all the time.

In the weeks following D-Day, my wife wanted to watch Crazy, Stupid, Love, and it turned out to be a huge trigger for me.

By the time that we watched Silver Linings Playbook (last year, around 2 years post-D-Day), I was good. LOL... I was damn near clapping and cheering when Bradley Cooper's character beat the sh*t out of his wife's OM.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Closing in on 3 years since D-Day, and B1 and I don't watch anything on TV that has infidelity in it. Nor, do we see anything at the movies with infidelity. TBH, it is as much of a trigger for me as it is for him. I don't find it entertaining, in fact, seeing adultery being glorified, makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Pre-A, I don't think either of us gave it much thought when we saw it on TV. If you really think about it, you'll realize that it's woven its way into about 75% of every TV series, made for TV movie, talk show, reality show, etc. Even TV series that you never realized were so laced with adultery and promiscuity, in general, are actually inundated with it. I used to love Grey's Anatomy until I realized that was what the entire show is all about. Soaps, talk shows, reality shows, they're some of the worst. I think we have become desensitized to a lot of things because they've slowly become the social norm, almost acceptable. 

When it becomes personal, you snap out of it, right away. Then, you can never look at it the same way, again. There are still a few decent shows that B1 and I will watch, but we pick and choose much more carefully than we used to. It has actually given us more quality time together. When B1 is at work, I rarely even turn the TV on, except for the two days a week that I babysit our grandson. Then, we watch Disney.  

A few years ago, I thought that changing my personal viewing habits was just going to be another part of making amends. He never really asked me to, but I could feel his discomfort, so it wasn't necessary for him to ask. If it hurts him, it hurts me, too. It was when I noticed that I had started changing the channel, if adultery was being shown, even when I was by myself, that I realized how far I had come. It wasn't just about making amends, or consequences, anymore, I had completely changed the way I thought about it. I had never given it much thought, at all, before. Now, it truly disgusts me. 

B1 and I went to see American Sniper a couple of weeks ago. There was one brief scene, where Chris Kyle, before he was married, walks in on his girlfriend, in bed with another man. It was not very far into the movie, and the theater was completely sold out. I, immediately, felt very uncomfortable, grabbed my jacket, and my drink, and started to stand up to leave. B1 grabbed my hand, smiled, and said, "It's okay, Honey." I'm a pretty lucky fWS to have a husband who helps me through my triggers, now. 

Still, I've actually sprained my ankle, running through the kitchen, and into the living room, to change the channel when a Viagra commercial comes on. Those damn V commercials still paralyze him. I hope that one day, they might just be background noise, but I don't know if that will ever be the case. Anymore, that's about the only outward sign of discomfort that B1 shows. Even, now, we don't rug sweep my A, but neither do we dwell in it.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Did your H say anything to you or did you discuss this with him?

Good communication is helpful.

I do understand some, I have trouble watching about the A's as well.

Hope you get to a better place.

However some cheating, like the deflating of the football cheating at least gives me some relief.

When the footballs were inflated correctly the second half, the Patriots did better against the Colts than when the balls were bad.


I live in Missouri, so this let me tell my grandson that I did it, I did not know the correct pressure needed and I shipped the footballs to Boston, so I am guilty of this kind of cheating. (but not the other kind) I think my daughter did explain to my grandson that I was teasing, but sometimes having light moments helps me cope.

I do hope you find some light moment to help you with your pain.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

still so sad said:


> The movie was This Is Where I leave You.


This movie is KNOWN as a movie with a caught in the act cheating scene. Who's idea was it to rent it?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

still so sad said:


> The movie was This Is Where I leave You.
> 
> The guy comes home to bring his wife a birthday cake and finds her in their bed with her boss. I was horrified on the inside but had to ignore it and not show any emotion because of everyone else in the room.
> 
> I really hate surprise triggers.


Yea I saw that movie. I ignore triggers regarding movies though. Let's face it, there's more than infidelity triggers in movies and if we don't watch anything that has something we don't like then we can't watch very much. Look at all of the movies with little jabs at belief systems or political views.

But yes I noticed that movie in particular pushed an agenda that true love makes cheating okay. I noticed it and was glad that I chose to stop triggering on movies years back. Especially since the movie was entertaining.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There was an amusing incident a couple of years after my wife's affair. We accidentally bumped into the POSOM with his new wife. Who was nearly a foot taller than him with breasts the size of melons! Seeing them together (POSOM and wife, I mean!) triggered laughter in me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Thundarr said:


> Yea I saw that movie. I ignore triggers regarding movies though. Let's face it, there's more than infidelity triggers in movies and if we don't watch anything that has something we don't like then we can't watch very much. Look at all of the movies with little jabs at belief systems or political views.
> 
> But yes I noticed that movie in particular pushed an agenda that true love makes cheating okay. I noticed it and was glad that I chose to stop triggering on movies years back. Especially since the movie was entertaining.


So the movie is about another beta b1tch husband that allows himself to be cuckolded by an entitled skank because he really loves her and gets to"clean" up if he is a good boy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> So the movie is about another beta b1tch husband that allows himself to be cuckolded by an entitled skank because he really loves her and gets to"clean" up if he is a good boy?


No, I think he pretty much dumped her right away.

Additionally, his sister knocks the sh*t out of OM, and a couple of his brothers have OM's Jaguar flipped over.

And, actually... didn't his sister cheat on her husband w/ an ex-boyfriend?

Oh, and it turns out that his mom has been in a same-sex affair w/ a family friend for years... and the dad was OK w/ it.

Didn't watch it, by the way, but I did read the synopsis on IMDB.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> So the movie is about another beta b1tch husband that allows himself to be cuckolded by an entitled skank because he really lives her and gets to"clean" up if he is a good boy?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The movie was about several marriages in the family (siblings and parents) falling apart at the same time when they had other family troubles keeping them all together. They were all a little different so there's a scenario for everyone to trigger on .


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Just read about it. Almost didn't continue as it had Bateman in it. I accidentally watched a movie called"Extract" with him being cheated on very casually by his wife and then him leaving and sleeping with a girl he had been wanting to cheat with. He then gets back with his skank wife as well as giving OM a job. I got physically ill with that one.

They should call him Jason Betaman or captain cuckold.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Rugs said:


> I joined a closed Facebook group to sell some books and clothes for my daughter a few weeks ago.
> 
> When I logged on this morning, it said, " Congratulations, xxxxxx xxxxxx for winning this week's contest". (I guess the group has a weekly contest??).
> 
> ...


No, many women over several years by the time I found out. Did not expose any of the women. Ended my marriage and didn't look back. 

At the time, I never thought of exposure. I've only thought of exposure due to this site. I could expose some of my friend's affairs but just don't have it in me to do it. I don't know why. 

I'm not afraid or worried about anything, I'm just a walk-a-wayer I guess.


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## lawdawg (Nov 28, 2014)

I sometimes end up driving past the spot where I caught my wife kissing her lover. I usually get fired up and want to punch something.


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## still so sad (May 27, 2013)

I originally picked the movie thinking it was a comedy. Didn't pay close enough attention to the previews, I guess.

After about 30 minutes and I caught on that there might be more "triggerable" content,( and that my kids were around) I switched the movie to something more family friendly. 

When WH walked back in the room he asked" Hey, what happened to our movie?".. Seriously???? :scratchhead: He just doesn't get it how this stuff has caused permanent damage for me. These, among other issues, are the type of reasons why I am now seriously considering divorce after 3+ years of false R.


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

This forum really should have thread stickied with a list of movies containing hard triggers. Im not talkin about "he cheated on me with a baker and this movie has a bakery in it", but people walkin in on their SO cheating. That would be useful. When you want to check out a movie, check the list first. JMHO


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

happi_g_more2 said:


> This forum really should have thread stickied with a list of movies containing hard triggers. Im not talkin about "he cheated on me with a baker and this movie has a bakery in it", but people walkin in on their SO cheating. That would be useful. When you want to check out a movie, check the list first. JMHO


That idea has gravity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

I have triggered in several terrible places. 

Last year, I triggered during my Operations Management final. class of over 50 people. Super embarrassing. 

Also during an interview. Interviewer asked me something, think it was if I had weekend plans or something, and I was breaking down. So I just evaded the question, and ran for an elevator. 


Not always easy to deal with it. But in class at school, I try to make sure I am able to leave the class easily should it hit. 
Not always easy to plan around, since you know, triggers don't really work around your schedule. 
Just maybe realize it could happen, and plan around it. 

Also, why did you watch that movie? I mean, why that one? did no one screen it or know what it was about?


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