# Never laughed together



## what-to-do (Jan 1, 2012)

I have posted on here before about being in this rut and just feeling pretty miserable about everything the last few years. To give ya the background real quick, we have been together about 7 yrs total- married for 5. Things have been pretty rocky for a long time and I feel we have nothing in common. So I'm sitting on the couch watching a chick flick on a Saturday night and it just hit me.... I can not think of a time we EVER laughed together :-( not the little giggle but a REAL laugh. What do you think that means if anything?? BTW, I have a good sense of humor! Seems like if I had to make a pro/con list about staying in this marriage... I don't have much on the plus side. Thoughts?
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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Make the list.


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## what-to-do (Jan 1, 2012)

For me or to post?! Do you think that can be a big "sign"? I really don't know what to do anymore :-( I know no one wants or plans on ever getting divorced... But I am so annoyed, sad, pissed off and every other emotion about 85% of everyday!!! But we DO have a 2yr old I can't even stand the thought of him not seeing everyday.
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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Think back to when you first started dating and fell in love. You didn't laugh together then?


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## what-to-do (Jan 1, 2012)

We did a little bit... Granted he's pretty introverted and I'm not. But I can never remember him laughing (genuinely) at anything I've said, etc. I feel like my head is going to burst constantly thinking and debating in my head non stop!
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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

Laughing together is necessary in marriage in my opinion. Sense of humor is one of the biggest things when looking for a spouse.

Was he ever funny when you dated? Did he laugh a lot then?


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Why do people keep asking the same question you keep answering?

My thoughts are: 1) Why did you marry him? 2) It doesn't sound that anything is different or has changed except you.

I think you married him because you wanted to get married. Like most other people (women especially it seems), you ignored everything about him while you went running down the aisle for two years until you dragged him to the alter. Now, you got what you asked for but don't want it. And now, there is a child to think about.......or another child that has to live between two divorced homes.

Either that, or nothing has changed except you. You have been all this time without such a thought as this one that dawned you so suddenly. I think you are bored and don't want to stay married to him, so you're searching for every little thing that will support your new position on this marriage.

It also seems to me that if he never laughed, then you didn't give him reason to laugh (not such a good sense of humor) just like he didn't give you reason to laugh. It's a two-way street. If you feel your life/marriage/relationship is in a rut, it is as much up to you to do something about it as you seem to feel it is all his fault. You want to point your finger and make lists of all the things you don't like about him, rather than finding a way to pull yourself out of this rut.........because nothing has changed except you.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

I'm sorry that your marriage does not seem to be working for you. I'm also sorry to ask but- is there someone else you are "more than friends with" right now?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I can't speak about your marriage, but as for the laughing part, I don't come from a laughing family either; everybody is different. It's not that we're sad, I'm actually very happy, but I just don't go around laughing all the time. I don't think that says anything negative about me, it's just my personality, but if I were around people who liked laughing, it might be a problem. I know a lot of people put laughing high on their list of must haves. 

On the other hand, I notice there are people who laugh at the end of each sentence. Instead of a period, they insert a laugh. I guess people are just different.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hello 
What do you want exactly? I'm not sure to read that you really want to stay with him....Do you want to work on your relationship, or you are ready to turn the page?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am guessing there is built up resentment in your marraige that has not been resolved, this could lead to depressive behaviors and less laughing going on in a marraige. Is he depressed ? 

I would think everyone HAS a sense of humor...somewhere. I don't think we all laugh at the same type of stuff though. I can even find something funny in drama...then some comedys, I could likely sit thought and never crack a smile, I find them utterly retarted , mindless & not even worthy of a laugh. 

Introverted men are quieter, I know I am married to one, he is not a social butterfly ....I accually wish he would talk more -cause when he does, he can leave us all in the biggeset stiches of the night -with some of his dry humor at just the appropriate moment ..... he doesn't laugh & carry on as wildly as the others, but he has his place. 

Have you found your husband laughing with others... his friends, the kids, his family?


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## what-to-do (Jan 1, 2012)

LadyFrog- that's funny  and no, he wouldn't be mad I'm sure he'd love it!!! Thanks.

NO I am not "more than friends" with anyone... I never go anywhere for that to even be an option! But I guess I can see where that would come from. Also, someone said about the introverted guy- that is totally him!!! I've gotten used to that and not really an issue anymore since neither of us do a whole lot of anything. We are broke and have a 2 year old (yes I know that is a stressor in itself!)

The laughing thing was really just something that crossed my mind the other night, not sure that it's even a big deal. I have seem him laugh at stuff (we used to go see a lot of stand up) and he does laugh with our son, etc. 

And to respond to you RIVER- first of all I didn't "drag him down the isle", he wanted to get married and HE brought up the subject first. You also don't know anything about him and his personality (or mine for that matter) so I don't think you can tell me it's my fault he doesn't laugh. We have both changed since we got married and more when we had my son, I'm pretty sure everyone does. It's called growing. I'm not looking for a way out, I'm looking to fix! Some things are just what they are. I can't change his personality and I'm not going to be his mother. There is a LOT more going on than just the laughing, it's just something I thought about b/c I was watching a movie and this couple was SO happy, and honestly it made me sad.

Anyway, I guess it's pretty impossible to post all my concerns and get solid advice on what to do when it involves 2 personalities. I'm just so sick of fighting about everything and I can't stand the thought of divorce :-( I know marriage takes work but you can't always change people (the bad parts I mean) I'm not trying to change HIM before someone says that ;-)
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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

You two need to spend more time together doing things that are fun.

Stonewall had a thread with ideas about activities for couples that do not cost anything:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/30219-ladies-i-need-ideas-please.html

Go on date nights. Hire a babysitter or trade babysitting with other Moms. Don't let the stresses of life ruin your joy in each other.


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## what-to-do (Jan 1, 2012)

You guys are 110% right! We definitely don't do it enough but I'm trying! It's hard when everything Bout him pretty much gets on my nerves! It's usually stupid stuff that shouldn't ruin your day or anything. But it's the fact that I have asked/told/reminded him 700 times and he still does or doesn't do it!!! I know it's mostly because I'm home mostly w the kids, etc but come on- he shouldn't get to be a COMPLETE slob just because he works! My mom "stayed home" and raised 3 of us while my dad busted his butt (longer than my husband works daily) and still managed to put his socks in the dirty clothes, put his dish in the washer instead of the sink! It just makes me crazy that if it's "soooo simple" then why can't he just do it, if he knows I'm gonna get works up wouldn't u just want to avoid it??? I know I sound like a [email protected]!! But it's more than just a plate! 

Ahhhh, wow! Sorry, I feel better now! Once I can just not be so irritated with that kind of stuff we mostly get along despite how different we are!
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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

I agree with lovesherman. What kind of activities you guys used to too when you met?


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## what-to-do (Jan 1, 2012)

Nothing TOO exciting really! We went out with my sisters and their husbands a lot. He actually graduated w my one sis and they were friends for years. We went to a lot of comedy shows.. He managed a sports bar and I would hang out with my BF while he worked- that was always fun! But I physically can't do much now, which I now has to get old dealing with- but I have to live with this debilitating pain every day! We'll see, he's got a job interview in an hour and I have started some serious new medicine.... Maybe it'll all work out
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## Booty (May 16, 2017)

Hi lady frog 

I totally get you so don't worry about what others are insuating . I'm feeling exactly the same . It's seems so serious all the time and sometimes you just want it to be a little light hearted . I know it's a two way street but I'm tired of always trying .


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