# Sure am going to miss my daughter



## jld

She starts her professional career soon. Will be at a training for several weeks on the East Coast, then heads to Asia for a year. The next year will be Europe. Third year as yet unknown.

I am going to miss her so much. She is so smart, so helpful. Always has good ideas.

Our daughter has been such a gift in our lives. Always exceeding expectations.

It is so hard to see her go.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

jld said:


> She starts her professional career soon. Will be at a training for several weeks on the East Coast, then heads to Asia for a year. The next year will be Europe. Third year as yet unknown.
> 
> I am going to miss her so much. She is so smart, so helpful. Always has good ideas.
> 
> Our daughter has been such a gift in our lives. Always exceeding expectations.
> 
> It is so hard to see her go.


That's always a tough one. I think many of us around here have been through that. Our oldest chose to go to college out of state, 800 miles from home. That was tough. After graduation, she went into a PhD program a full 2,000 miles from home. We miss her dearly. Bright, thoughtful, helpful, great to talk with, mature, well grounded; everything one could hope for, so we love those couple times/year we get to see each other. 

But the toughest may be coming soon. Our third of three spreads his wings this August, also attending college out of state, a good 1,000+miles away. He's been completely solid as a teenager, and on top of that, he's my bestest mountain biking buddy. This is our final transition to full fledged empty nesters. I think it's gonna' be tough. 

Fortunately, my wife and I have really been strengthening our marriage lately (even though it was perfectly solid to begin with). We're planning for that day when we once again, after 23 years, have only ourselves to entertain each other at home. We're actively courting again (often to my son's embarrassment!), and it's been great fun. We have grand plans for when we have nothing but my job tying us down.


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> She starts her professional career soon. Will be at a training for several weeks on the East Coast, then heads to Asia for a year. The next year will be Europe. Third year as yet unknown.
> 
> I am going to miss her so much. She is so smart, so helpful. Always has good ideas.
> 
> Our daughter has been such a gift in our lives. Always exceeding expectations.
> 
> It is so hard to see her go.


I would tell you to be happy for her but I know you are.She is getting see the world and getting paid for it,what could be better.You have raised an intelligent daughter and you are rightfully very proud of her.Now she is going to spread her wings and in this world of Skype,instant messaging,texting etc being thousands of miles away isn't as big a deal as it used to be.
When my niece went to Australia my brother reckons he spoke more often to her than when she lived at home.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Andy1001 said:


> When my niece went to Australia my brother reckons he spoke more often to her than when she lived at home.


Yep. We've seen that phenomenon a couple times. 

I'll never forget one call a few months into my daughter's first semester. Her first words were "Mom, you were right..." 

Of course, mom was beaming.


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## EleGirl

jld, 

I'm sure that it will be hard to have her gone so far away. At least there is now skype and other easy to use communication. 

You should take a step back for a bit and think about what a great mom you have been, enabling her to become who she is today.

Congrats!


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## jld

EleGirl said:


> jld,
> 
> I'm sure that it will be hard to have her gone so far away. At least there is now skype and other easy to use communication.
> 
> You should take a step back for a bit and think about what a great mom you have been, enabling her to become who she is today.
> 
> Congrats!


Thank you, Elegirl. That is very kind.

I just feel so sad. I can't seem to stop crying.


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## john117

Hopefully she'll be going to interesting countries where the rest of the family can visit. And somewhere Ryanair flies 😀


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## chillymorn69

Congrats a rasing a fine young person!


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## sokillme

The good news is today it's more easier then ever to stay in touch. Facetime is your friend.


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## john117

At some point we have to let go. I know it sounds wrong but if my parents had coaxed me to stay in Europe I'd be in a different universe altogether. 

Now you will find out how all the prep you did and the values you and Dug instilled in her have come to fruition. Maybe your daughter is not like my older one - Facebook live stream to dad from the Louvre - but she'll share all the same in her way. 

When you mentioned Asia, we talking Japan or Taiwan or we talking Uzbekistan or any of the other not quite the Disneyworld's of the continent? And Europe, we talking the good part or where I'm from? .

She's at the age where a lot of my friends' kids are launching. And they all do fine. If she survived chemical engineering I'm sure Uzbekistan will not be an issue. 

But just in case, buy her a really good can opener. I was elated when I bought one for DD2's dorm so she could make tuna sandwiches. It lasted a day. Having never used a can opener, she manhandled it and broke it. We made sure her new apartment has an electric can opener.

Best wishes for a successful launch!


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## Taxman

Congratulations on raising a fine young woman, she carries with her all of the love and trust that you have put into her. In yiddish there is a word for the feeling, I know it quite well, it is called "Naches" the pronunciation is somewhat difficult, but in essence, getting "Naches" from your child (naches fum kinder) in gross terms is never failing to make you proud.

(My eldest finished her residency as an OB/GYN two weeks ago, and joined a practice on Monday)


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## Satya

I wish her all the best @jld. I'm sure she will keep you very proud.


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## jld

Thank you, everyone. I am indeed proud of her. Beyond words proud of her. 

But this is the end. She will not be coming home, not for more than a week anymore. Likely will never be living in the same region, even. She is starting her adult life, and it will be far from us.

I remember when she was only a few days old. I was talking to my sister on the phone, crying because I knew someday our daughter would leave us. And my sister was trying to comfort me, telling me it would not happen for a long time. But it is here already. And I am crying again. 

I love my daughter so much. And I know this has to happen. But I am just so sad. 
@john117 She will be in "1st World" Asia, and Western Europe. Her life will be comfortable, and mentally stimulating. And we will certainly be visiting. 

But she is an adult "child" now, and it is just different. And every time I think of it, even thinking of it logically, and practically, with all the good that is surely coming her way, I just start crying again.


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## Fozzy

Try not to focus on the geographical distance. For all purposes, it's the same as if she were a couple of towns over. The internet makes the world a lot smaller.


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## Taxman

It hurts like hell when they spread their wings and leave the nest. We are blessed with two incredible people that we raised. Sometimes, I feel honoured that I even know quality people such as these, and then I realize that we raised these two to be the finest humans. My daughter and son have made it impossible to keep buttons on my shirt, (I keep popping them when I puff up my chest). My kids are my heroes.


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## karole

I feel your pain JLD. My daughter is only 8 hours away, but I miss her terribly. Thank goodness for skype!


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## john117

I can't help but wonder if immigrant parent (ie Dug) kids sort of get the idea to explore the world instead of exploring Louisville... I mean, my kids consider it normal to go to college 4 states away ("but you went to college 4 continents away"). Armed with the added experience of lengthy study abroads, they truly believe the world is fair game for work, school, and play.

And that's a good thing


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## Andy1001

jld said:


> Thank you, everyone. I am indeed proud of her. Beyond words proud of her.
> 
> But this is the end. She will not be coming home, not for more than a week anymore. Likely will never be living in the same region, even. She is starting her adult life, and it will be far from us.
> 
> I remember when she was only a few days old. I was talking to my sister on the phone, crying because I knew someday our daughter would leave us. And my sister was trying to comfort me, telling me it would not happen for a long time. But it is here already. And I am crying again.
> 
> I love my daughter so much. And I know this has to happen. But I am just so sad.
> @john117 She will be in "1st World" Asia, and Western Europe. Her life will be comfortable, and mentally stimulating. And we will certainly be visiting.
> 
> But she is an adult "child" now, and it is just different. And every time I think of it, even thinking of it logically, and practically, with all the good that is surely coming her way, I just start crying again.


There is a thread running on tam right now about a young woman who is twenty three and going to college while also holding down a job.She is married and moved to her husbands country and knows nobody else. Her husband is a drug addicted drunk who is holding her back from pursuing her career.He can't turn up for work on time and is failing classes.
I can't help comparing the two situations.Two young,intelligent women with the world at their feet but their families is what makes the difference.You have raised a daughter who is independent and knows what she wants in life and by the sound of things is on her way to getting them.You and Dug should be very proud of your achievements.


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## manfromlamancha

jld, I have 4 wonderful human beings as children and my wife and I miss each of them. And they all have different careers and want to be in different parts of the world and are gradually ending up there - however (and as a tip to you), if your daughter is a professional you are going to come in real handy if Dug and you volunteer for babysitting and childminding services! She will bite your hand off if she is smart and therein starts the next chapter in your life. Besides, for now with the house emptier (and it won't be for long trust me if grandkids arrive), you have a chance to break out all the kinky bedroom gear ! Thats gotta be worth something! >


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## john117

I have already signed up for cat grandparent duty 

Only concern I would have is dating. As smart as our kids are it's always good to run potential suitors thru the "system", if you get my drift.


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## brooklynAnn

@jlg, I know how you feel. When my daughter left for college I missed her so much. We used to do everything together. She is such an amazing young woman, I missed her energy in the house. But we spoke to each other so often, it was like she was just there. This is our daughter's last summer at home. She will be doing her internship next year out of state. Don't know who would miss her more me or my H.

Time as flown so quickly. I miss those days when they were little. But that's life, you wouldn't want her to stay behind and miss out on her life. 

I know your daughter will do well because she was well prepared by you and Dug. I wish her and your other kids happiness and success. Tell her to stay safe and don't drink too much when she is out....(Circe's advice) especially if she is in tech.


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## Andy1001

john117 said:


> I have already signed up for cat grandparent duty
> 
> Only concern I would have is dating. As smart as our kids are it's always good to run potential suitors thru the "system", if you get my drift.


What is the criteria for dating one of your daughters John.This really interests me because I know you are educated to PhD level and I wonder do you require potential suitors for your daughters to have similar educational ambitions.
When I met my girlfriends family it was the first time I had ever run the gauntlet as it were and I was kind of nervous.When I got to the house to collect my girlfriend I thought I recognised her father but couldn't remember from where.He started telling me about working on a futuristic house as a sub contractor and how he would like to show us the house but it was very confidential and had strict rules about site visitors.Thats when I remembered where I knew him from.
It was my house and he actually worked for me.


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## john117

Funny you asked.

Degree(s), passion, talent, intelligence, and caring. Not in any particular order.

DD1 dated a millionaire kid for five years. Like CEO dad wealthy. I met the family, the works. Unfortunately, the guy was an intellectual hamster (DD1 quote). They parted ways amicably and are still friends. Her current guy of 2 years is a fellow design student. Passionate and talented (not quite as much as DD1, it should be noted  but few are). He's got a lot of internship time and shouldn't have any problem getting a job. Top 10 school helps. He's also very intelligent. But what sold me on him is his caring. He cares for animals, strays etc. Volunteer in shelters, feeds strays, etc. Mies van der Rohe the cat melts in his presence (aka traitor cat). Hard working. 

Unfortunately - or fortunately - his pedigree is more stray than not. Conservative, middle class white family. Little play money to speak of. 

Now they're planning post graduation. DD1 looking for schools in big cities where he can work. There's a few (UVA & UIUC really? Can't you be any further from civilization) top schools that fit the bill so we'll see. Depending on how things play out, I could see them married in a couple years  ...

But in J2 culture the wife has to "marry up" ie husband has to have equal or higher degree, and money. That's not happening so....

DD2 is a mystery. Hopefully she will elope with the Chief Resident...


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## Andy1001

john117 said:


> Funny you asked.
> 
> Degree(s), passion, talent, intelligence, and caring. Not in any particular order.
> 
> DD1 dated a millionaire kid for five years. Like CEO dad wealthy. I met the family, the works. Unfortunately, the guy was an intellectual hamster (DD1 quote). They parted ways amicably and are still friends. Her current guy of 2 years is a fellow design student. Passionate and talented (not quite as much as DD1, it should be noted  but few are). He's got a lot of internship time and shouldn't have any problem getting a job. Top 10 school helps. He's also very intelligent. But what sold me on him is his caring. He cares for animals, strays etc. Volunteer in shelters, feeds strays, etc. Mies van der Rohe the cat melts in his presence (aka traitor cat). Hard working.
> 
> Unfortunately - or fortunately - his pedigree is more stray than not. Conservative, middle class white family. Little play money to speak of.
> 
> Now they're planning post graduation. DD1 looking for schools in big cities where he can work. There's a few (UVA & UIUC really? Can't you be any further from civilization) top schools that fit the bill so we'll see. Depending on how things play out, I could see them married in a couple years  ...
> 
> But in J2 culture the wife has to "marry up" ie husband has to have equal or higher degree, and money. That's not happening so....
> 
> DD2 is a mystery. Hopefully she will elope with the Chief Resident...


John your inverted snobbery is showing,why does she have to marry up?
You have said on a few occasions on tam that it's not money that motivates you but actually making something that people want or need.Your reference to Steve Jobs and coloured water springs to mind.Why would you expect your daughter to follow the money when she will probably be making plenty herself.
Also this insistence on a would be suitor of your daughter needing a "degree or degrees" kind of puzzles me also.If a person is making an absolute fortune at the first attempt why should they bother with further education.To me it's just wallpaper.
I don't know anything about you obviously but if my memory serves me correctly your PhD was in psychology or a similar field but your career is in electronic design.I don't see the correlation.


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## john117

Ah, you missed the qualifier "in my wife's culture" when I discussed money etc. There have been a couple of catastrophic marry-downs of women in her family so she's hyper vigilant about it. We're proceeding VERY cautiously with him. Money's not the driver, few design fields are money trees. Personally all I want the guy to have is a decent attitude. Design of any kind tends to attract same minded people who tend to marry and suffer the long hours and low pay together. 

I'm a different story. My PhD is in cognitive psychology, which isn't a whole lot related to behavioral or clinical. I'm the team leader for the user experience lab for an electronics company. You'd be surprised how much product design (the human machine interface) is related to all that. Try to explain to the vice president of engineering, for example, the difference between fine and gross motor control... Makes me want to grab the guy by the lapel and shout "how do you make seven figures and don't know this"... But I digress. Very entertaining stuff except it took me 27 years to get there.

Anyhow, to return to our thread topic, how do other parents deal with their kids dating while afar post launch? Do we feel we've given them the right man-picker or lady-picker skills?


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## jld

john117 said:


> Ah, you missed the qualifier "in my wife's culture" when I discussed money etc. There have been a couple of catastrophic marry-downs of women in her family so she's hyper vigilant about it. We're proceeding VERY cautiously with him. Money's not the driver, few design fields are money trees. Personally all I want the guy to have is a decent attitude. Design of any kind tends to attract same minded people who tend to marry and suffer the long hours and low pay together.
> 
> I'm a different story. My PhD is in cognitive psychology, which isn't a whole lot related to behavioral or clinical. I'm the team leader for the user experience lab for an electronics company. You'd be surprised how much product design (the human machine interface) is related to all that. Try to explain to the vice president of engineering, for example, the difference between fine and gross motor control... Makes me want to grab the guy by the lapel and shout "how do you make seven figures and don't know this"... But I digress. Very entertaining stuff except it took me 27 years to get there.
> 
> Anyhow, to return to our thread topic, how do other parents deal with their kids dating while afar post launch? Do we feel we've given them the right man-picker or lady-picker skills?


It is not the thread topic. 

Start your own thread, please.


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## jld

karole said:


> I feel your pain JLD. My daughter is only 8 hours away, but I miss her terribly. Thank goodness for skype!


(((((Karole)))))


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## jld

john117 said:


> I can't help but wonder if immigrant parent (ie Dug) kids sort of get the idea to explore the world instead of exploring Louisville... I mean, my kids consider it normal to go to college 4 states away ("but you went to college 4 continents away"). Armed with the added experience of lengthy study abroads, they truly believe the world is fair game for work, school, and play.
> 
> And that's a good thing


Our kids are used to life abroad. But I am not sure all of them will seek it out as adults.


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## jld

Andy1001 said:


> There is a thread running on tam right now about a young woman who is twenty three and going to college while also holding down a job.She is married and moved to her husbands country and knows nobody else. Her husband is a drug addicted drunk who is holding her back from pursuing her career.He can't turn up for work on time and is failing classes.
> I can't help comparing the two situations.Two young,intelligent women with the world at their feet but their families is what makes the difference.You have raised a daughter who is independent and knows what she wants in life and by the sound of things is on her way to getting them.You and Dug should be very proud of your achievements.


We'll have to see how the boys do to know how much Dug and I helped. I think a lot of what kids are is inborn.

But thank you, Andy.


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## jld

brooklynAnn said:


> @jlg, I know how you feel. When my daughter left for college I missed her so much. We used to do everything together. She is such an amazing young woman, I missed her energy in the house. But we spoke to each other so often, it was like she was just there. This is our daughter's last summer at home. She will be doing her internship next year out of state. Don't know who would miss her more me or my H.
> 
> Time as flown so quickly. I miss those days when they were little. But that's life, you wouldn't want her to stay behind and miss out on her life.
> 
> I know your daughter will do well because she was well prepared by you and Dug. I wish her and your other kids happiness and success. Tell her to stay safe and don't drink too much when she is out....(Circe's advice) especially if she is in tech.


I'll pass that along, Ann. Thanks for mentioning it.

And thank you for the kind words.


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