# Anorexia



## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Hi guys, long time no see, I've been lurking still, though not really with much to post.

I've since been seeing an amazing man for 1.5 years after my marriage ended.
Things have been ok until now, and I'm just wondering if any of the TAM gang can help me out.

Has anyone else been a support of someone with anorexia?

He's suffering at the moment, we are getting things in place to help him, but even with all the reading I've done, and the talking I've done with him... I still feel wildly under-prepared to help in any meaningful way.

Any advice/insights would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

I have struggled with anorexia myself, on and off (hospitalized several times, rehabbed by myself and with the help of professionals, and experienced several relapses), for more than 10 years. 

The most important thing is for him to get professional help. 

Try not to comment on his appearance, nutritional intake, etc. Even compliments can be twisted into harmful "motivation." 

Keep him busy, but don't force food on him. Get involved with his treatment team so that you can provide input/feedback to them. 

Make sure you take care of yourself, too. Its a very long journey to health and even then many of us relapse or develop other disorders (bulimia, exercise bulimia, orthorexia, body dysmorphia, bingeing and purging....)


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Hi Dignity, thanks for your reply, your insight is appreciated. 

He's currently teeing a session up with his psych and being proactive about not relapsing.

I'm trying to be very careful about what I say and do. And trying not to keep too overt an eye on what he's eating/not eating and I think I realised he was headed towards this via recognition of some of his behaviours before he did. I'm trying to make sure he feels like I'm with him on this and not mothering him.

I'm also making sure we are having healthy meals at home in an effort to put the most positive spin on eating that I can for him.

Between a massive bout of my own mental health issues, and various other things, I know he's tried to take it and bear it all himself, and I'm thinking his need to keep things controlled and keep things together has more than likely brought this on. 

Please feel free not to answer any further questions, but has your battle been similar in regards to life events getting out of control? Is there anything that was said or done (apart from what you mentioned above) that, regardless of good intentions, made you retreat further?

I will endeavour to make sure we keep busy, that is good advice, and I'm sure our boy will definitely play a part in that. 

I'm hoping you are currently doing well with your own journey, you must be an incredibly strong and brave person to be where you are at the moment.


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

Never suffered from it or been otherwise touched by it, thank God. I will say that I have heard that it is becoming more common among men. The gender difference I think is something you need to keep your eye on during this difficult time. What I am getting at is since so many of the sufferers of this disease are female, it is likely that the treatment is going to be focused on things that work with women, particularly young women, the demographic that makes up the largest group of anorexics. That may or may not be effective with adult males, like your SO. I would urge you begin to educate yourself on the dynamics of anorexia in men and then begin looking for treatment professionals that have some experience with adult male anorexics. Maybe hard to find but worth looking for in my opinion. Good Luck to both of you.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Thanks EVG for taking the time to reply and your kind words. 

Yes, the reading I have been doing for a while is mainly focussed on female anorexia, although more information is becoming more readily available online, it still doesn't really satisfy a lot of things I want to ask without triggering him or otherwise alerting him to the fact that I have been aware of various different things he's been saying or doing (I'd prefer it not to go further underground). The stigma of it being a female disease is still very much alive (although this is slowly changing), and I know he has felt emasculated by this.

Whilst we have talked about it together before, it's not quite the same as living it.

Since there seems to be a distinct lack of available information regarding male anorexia in comparison, I've hit a couple of boards, hoping that there are others in a position to be able to help.

Very proud of him today, he went and got his referral for the psych and some new meds.
On the way to better health!


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## EVG39 (Jun 4, 2015)

You are welcome. Here is how you might want to broaden your search a bit. Google the term "male body dysmorphia". See if that, or some aspect of that might fit your SO. Common in the bodybuilding community where there is all too often all kinds of unhealthy habits including anorexia.


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Had a quick look with that as my search item, managed to find one or two extra sites via using that, that have been helpful.
Berry good advice re skinning a cat, sir, thank you once more!


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