# Wish i could erase this from my memory



## HOPEFAITH (Oct 27, 2011)

It's been almost 2 months since I split with my husband..The marriage only lasted 2 months, been together in total of 6 years...Week after marriage, my husband totally changed on me..He started being controlling, calling me bad names, verbal abusive which lead to physical abuse...Not only did he beat me up he CHEATED on me....I also found out that he was on 8 different online dating website and his explanation was to "teach me a lesson from going through his phone." He started to demand and instruct me after getting married, I was to never touch, answer, use or go through his phone which made me doubt his character even more..I answer his phone when he outside, and it was a girl telling me that he left a bunch of marks on her neck...I left him..A week later, my neighbor had called me and said there was strange activity goen on in my home and there was a woman with a toddler who had slept at my house....How could he cheat, and after getting caught when I decide to leave our home, he brings her to our home doen god knows what?! The nerve, not having any remorse and totally disregarded me as his wife, NO RESPECT...I filed divorce..But I seem to have a hard time getting over the fact he cheated on me and brought her to our home??? Because I tell you I want a divorce, that gave him the rite to bring her over to the house not thinking the neighbors would tell me??? Then denies and tells me that they are liars??? I feel so betrayed yet deceived in so many ways....Like really we have only been married for 2 months...I feel I could of saved myself for somebody else...How could he be so unfaithful and at the same time to continue to hurt me after the fact I caught him and DENIES everything...He says to me that I being insecure...WTF? I dont know how to deal with this..How can you say you love but beat and cheat me..And bring another woman into our home...How can I be strong enough to continue to HATE bcuz i am sickntired of being HURT?? Any advice?? Mans point of view would help!


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

It sounds like a classic bait and switch. People will behave themselves until the vows are exchanged. At that point, they figure you're stuck in the marriage and they let down their hair.

Sometimes, it's a woman who declares the sex life is over. Sometimes, it's a man who begins to abuse his wife. There's a recent thread on this board where a newlywed husband told his wife he was bisexual.

I know the betrayal has wounded you. I understand that. Just count yourself lucky that this all unraveled during the first two months of marriage instead of taking years when you have children together.

You can divorce this SOB and never have to see him again.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I'm a man.

A divorce allows you to restart and flush that loser down.

I'm proud of you in the fact that you recognize your self worth, and will not tolerate being devalued. That's very empowering! Use that power to move on. Somewhere is a person waiting for someone like you to add value to their life, and add value to yours. 

Stop questioning why an idiot makes idiotic decisions. You can't help him. Nor should you waste any more time on him. His true colors are there to see. Let some other poor soul fall victim.

Life is waiting for you. Are you going to answer the call?


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## HOPEFAITH (Oct 27, 2011)

Thank for the reply..I am just really dissapointed at the fact I had invested 6 years prior to marriage...And had not seen the signs of him being abusive or a cheater...He never showed that side of him....He had tried to pull the "im gona kill myself" and I felt for it...It was just a cry for attention..Then tells me in order to make the marriage work, I am not to speak about what happend and to never touch his cell phone??? Married couples I know, their husbands let their wives answer or check the phone....He seriously would jump on me if I touched the phone...Then turns everything around on my and tells me everything is my fault..And I nag too much about the phone,WTF phone shouldnt be an issue EVER unless ur hiding something RITE?? And ur rite, I should waste my time questioning why he makes idiotic decisions...I guess I trusted him whole heartedly that burned me at the end....


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

You've only been married 2 months...can you get an annulment?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

No worries mama...


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Amen Pit!!! 

Hope: I assume you had 6 good years before you had the bad two months. Relish the good years, flush the bad months.

I'm a cheater (EA). I was caught by my wife. She could have easily left me immediately. I was expecting it to happen, and it still could. I was never mean or abusive. We would have some arguments, but nothing bad. I've prepared myself the best I could for such an event to happen. If it did, I would remember the 30+ good years we had together and appreciate the gift I had received. I still have to live with my idiotic decision to risk it all by being a nice guy, and letting it go too far with another woman. The only way I could possibly survive mentally would be to focus upon those good years. 

You are in a better position in that you did not cause the pain. Be kinder to yourself. You haven't changed. You are still the good person you have always been. He changed, and others will see who he really is.


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## HOPEFAITH (Oct 27, 2011)

HerToo-Thank you for your uplifting words.....

Question: Why does it seem so easy for him to not have any type of remorse nor does he take accountability for his actions? He continues to deny what he has done...We were married at one point, does that not affect him at all, or is he just that type of person who point blank dont give a **** and blocks **** out so quickly?? 

I feel that its unfair what had happend, and that Im the only one suffering and goen through the motions....I am thankful that I did get out of this situation fast...Had I not, i mite of ended up dead


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## HOPEFAITH (Oct 27, 2011)

I cant get an annulment, I looked into that already...Have to meet some type of requirements in order to get it...So its DIVORCE all the way.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

HOPEFAITH said:


> HerToo-Thank you for your uplifting words.....
> 
> Question: Why does it seem so easy for him to not have any type of remorse nor does he take accountability for his actions? He continues to deny what he has done...We were married at one point, does that not affect him at all, or is he just that type of person who point blank dont give a **** and blocks **** out so quickly??
> 
> I feel that its unfair what had happend, and that Im the only one suffering and goen through the motions....I am thankful that I did get out of this situation fast...Had I not, i mite of ended up dead


Hope, he does not suffer becuase he is a sociopath, IMO. The personality disordered are extremely adept at masking themselves until after enmeshment. You are lucky to be getting out, although I understand it is very painful.
The man you described is a monster.


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## angeleyez (Oct 31, 2011)

Hi Hope........I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Sounds very similier to my story. I married in Dec. of last year and I am going to be filing. So much verbal abuse and he NEVER accepts any ownership and is a blamer, manipulater, liar and I am so done with him. He did me a favor when he left me on my b-day, the day after I buried my mother. He left me in Montana and then went back to Wa but told his mommy that I left him. I totally agree with Arnold, he sounds just like my soon to be ex...who I feel is a sociopath, has disassociation personality disorder (he has NO friends) and that is why these men don't any remorse. It's all about them, which is also narcissitic. I tell you what, I was with this man for 4 years and I am so angry at him (and myself for marrying him) that I feel I lost 4 good years on a what? somebody who only cares of himself. I know it is so hard, and I am sorry he did all this to you. But honestly, count your blessings that it is over and it is now time for you to take of yourself cause you are worth. I truly feel so much happier and 'lighter' with him out of my life. Hang in there......you deserve so much more than that.


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## HOPEFAITH (Oct 27, 2011)

Angeleyez- Thanks for your reply...I wish that I could of seen this coming or been more aware of the type of person my husband really is...He did not act this way before we got married..THE MINUTE we got married, he totally changed and was so disrespectful, disregarded my emotions, disloyal to me and the marriage...All of this constantly runs thru my head on a daily...Day by day, it does get a little better, but everytime I think about what he did to me...It makes me breakdown...Makes me question the 6yrs of relationship and the 2mos of marriage, like everything was a lie...I am a good person, and was very loyal to him..So why would he do this to me?? It hurts like hell..And I am soo sorry you are goen thru the same thing, we are on the same boat...How are you coping with this??? Do men like this just stop caring with no remorse? Is it really that easy for them??


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