# My husband of 12 years walks out before xmas



## Googley (Dec 22, 2011)

Background: Married 12 years, happy 9 years - he had affair 3 years ago, hes a self-employed hard working money loser!! Got 5 year old daughter whose so beautiful and fantastic. He can only see his thoughts and last week he "walked" out at 9pm one evening to say he was going to sleep at another house we own, now hes almost moved there but comes here 3 times a day, eats here, watches TV and acts like nothing happened. I cant make sense of it all we havent even had a major argument but since his short affair 3 years ago (which he now denys) we have never been the same. He thinks I should work all day sorting his papers, giving him legal and professional advise, being a mother, cook and cleaner. I have tried so hard but I am so worn out and I suffer from CFS and other medical conditions. Now I just dont know whether to throw the towel in and see what happens which I find really frightening as to what the future should bring. We are also in a lot of financial trouble and still he wants to open more money losing shops, I can get him to make sense. Is it mid life crisis - I know I still love him but cant cope with him if that makes sense.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

If your husband had an affair and you never dealt with it as a couple, of course you are not going to feel good about things. What did your husband do to win back your love and trust after he cheated? If YOU did all the work to keep him, that was a big mistake. He's the one who should have worked to keep you after cheating.

So he just left with no explanation? If so, it's time for some tough love. I would see a lawyer right away, even if you don't want to get a divorce right now. I would also let him know that you don't want him to come back to the house. This will throw him for a loop since it sounds like he's been calling all the shots and making you do all the work.

I would go to the infidelity section of this website because you will get more responses and tips on how to deal with what is going on.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you asked him why he's moved out? What's going through his mind? Cause most of the people here aren't him. He's the only one that can shed light on why he's doing what he's doing.

In the meantime, I'd suggest stop being a doormat. He's not going to change his behavior unless there's a reason for him to change.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

PBear said:


> In the meantime, I'd suggest stop being a doormat. He's not going to change his behavior unless there's a reason for him to change


Sad but true.


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## shellbell72 (Dec 19, 2011)

Wow! You got some tough love responses on this post. Unfortunately I have to agree though. You have to grow a back bone and quit accepting his selfish behavior. I know its scary thinking about leaving a marriage. With that said, you have a child and yourself to think about. If you two cannot communicate about all the why's and work on things...it's not worth living unhappy in limbo. As it sounds now you have no security so what's the difference really? 
Try asking him to get some couples counseling to help the marriage. If he's in denial about the affair counseling could help bring it out. It could also help you learn how to communicate your feelings and needs with him. Good luck hon...12 years is no drop in the bucket.


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