# Is it time to leave?



## TalkAboutIt (Apr 22, 2011)

I need some advice. I dont know who to go to. My husband and I have been together for 4.5 years now and married for only 1.5. I was 22 when we got married and he was 26. We love each other alot and we both dont know what we do without each other. But he and I fight at minimum once a week. Its really stupid fights, we've never fought about money, childen, our future, nothing that would deserve a real fight. But for some reason, we get into these screaming matches about stupid stuff, ex: something I want to do vs. something he wants to do, or something he would say that would offend me and he'd go into defense mode and the fire is lit.
I talk alot about wanting to just end it while we dont have any children to really tie us down. Sometimes we both cry in the end because we are so desperate to stop this nonsense and just enjoy each other. 
The thing is that we understand what we are doing and that its stupid and only driving us apart, but for some reason when we are in the moment, we just lose it and go off. What di we do? I've lost hope for us. To me, this is not a normal relationship, but maybe Im wrong, I hope I am. Maybe if we have children, we will have a new focus? Or maybe it will give us something new to fight about?
Should I walk away? 
Please help.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Its good that you both realize it when this happens. I think when either of you realize it, in the middle of it happening, thats when one of you, if not both, should take a step back and say,"hey wait a minute, I don't want to do this". Its a matter of controlling whats coming out of your mouths and your actions. You already stated you realize it when it happens. So its best to try and diffuse it before it gets worse. 

You stated you had lost hope for the relationship. If thats how you truly feel, and you feel these arguements will continue and you're not sure how to diffuse them, then it might be best for you to walk away. Although you are the one who will have to make the decision, no matter what me or anyone else here says. I will tell you, having kids latter on, will not fix this and it will only make the situation worse, and yes at that point it may be harder to leave.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

A book that really opened my eyes about a lot of things is Willard harley's "His Needs, Her Needs". It addressed many of the things that my wife and I dealt with in our marriage. I think that even if your husband doesn't read it, it would be a great book for you to read. Don't just sit back an accept things as they are. Educate yourself about marriage and relationships. Since both of you still have love for each other, you would probably be pleased with the results if you decide to make some simple changes in the way you deal with things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

You guys sound like a great case for MC. You both understand that you are both part of the problem, that you're fighting over silly things, and honestly, once or so a week isn't bad so it isn't like you are at each others throats all the time. Not having kids makes it easier to split, but divorce creates lifelong scars for all parties, and you really just don't want to face that unless it is really only the last option. It doesn't sound like you guys are there yet at all, so please look into finding an MC that can help and commit to going at least twice a month. One way or the other, I promise you it will be money well spent.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I agree with cdbaker. Get in MC. (are things any better with your story cdbaker?)

I also agree with the book suggestion. There are a ton of good MC books that will cost less than sessions and can often do more or as work between sessions. We can give you a list of good books.

My MC story is in my profile.


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