# So baffled could H have mental disorder?



## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

My H has some serious issues it affects the lives of me and our children. Well we're not really married but have been together for so long I think of him as my husband. He's happy and talking about the future 1 minute and flies off the handle the next over the most common stimuli in a house with 2 children under 3. He frequently resorts to name calling, belittling and blaming me for his problems. Its my fault he can't get a promotion. Its my fault he drinks. Its my fault he smokes weed. Its my fault he is so angry, its my fault we don't have more money. It was my fault when he cheated. Its my fault the children cry. Its my fault the kids don't see him as someone for comfort. Everything is about blaming others for his problems. He refuses to accept responsibility for his actions and it drives me crazy.

His brother recently stopped talking with him for calling SIL a C**t and B**ch. He blames his sister for telling the brother what he had said. I saw him 2 cough and mumble C**t at SIL, we all knew what he was doing. Now he says I can't let our children see their uncles or aunties because they just need to get over it and I need to stay away from the sister that "told" because she is a "backstabber". I feel they are justified in wanting an apology. 

We constantly fight and argue in front of people so friends have become distant and I think my friends are just sick of hearing me complain. His friends have supposedly told him to stop coming around but he still hangs there at least 1 day a week.

I feel like he needs a huge dose of grow the hell up. I wonder about emotional disorders. I told him last week I was ready to leave and he has only gotten worse only after begging me to stay its so confusing.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Alcoholism sounds pretty close. Any addiction could produce this behavior. Could also be bipolar being self medicated with alcohol and weed.

What I wonder is why the hell are you raising your kids in this environment? Why are you okay with being his punching bag, figuratively speaking?

Get yourself to Alanon meetings on a daily basis and learn to stop enabling, learn to let go with love, learn some boundaries, grow a back bone and stand up for yourself. Actually, I suggest you leave but it doesn't sound like you are ready for that step yet.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yes he has a mental disorder: addiction. 

He could be self medicating for other disorders but you need to start with getting yourself support for dealing with his addiction.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

He is abusive and showing you he is. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Plus he's a cheater. This is something you don't want your children growing up with. 

Your better off without him. He is who he is. His behavior will only worsen in time. I know this by experience. I didn't let my ex h treat me that way. I got the heck out of there. It's is impossible to help him or turn him into a better person.


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## althea0212 (Apr 6, 2013)

Your husband seems to manifest a psychological disorder and it would be better if he gets professional help. Constantly blaming you and others for everything will lead to an emotional, physical and psychological problem to you and your children. You already gave him a chance and his behavior is no longer healthy on your marital relationship. I never allow my H to treat me this way and I made that very clear before our marriage. Think about yourself and your children. You have your limitations too.


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## ChangingMe (Oct 3, 2012)

My opinion based on what you've posted is that he is emotional & verbally abusive, possibly addicted to drugs/alcohol, and there could be other mental health issues going on as well. 

Check these out: Power Wheel

On this page, there are several wheels. Look closely at the Power & Control Wheel (#1) and the Cycle of Violence one (#2). He may not be physically abusive (yet), but the cycle of him apologizing when you say you're going to leave, and then worsening his behavior later seems to follow the pattern as well. 

He needs help, but it's hard to convince an abusive person that they are abusive. So it may be time for you to really leave. This isn't an environment that is healthy for you or your children. 

I am a licensed counselor and I have worked at a domestic violence agency. I am not diagnosing anything here, but I've seen similar situations to yours. Please feel free to PM me if you would like. I am sorry you are dealing with this. 

Take care of yourself.


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## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

Thanks for the input yesterday was another day where he was talking about the future. Tonight he ended up telling me what a stupid ***** I was for not wanting him to stuff half a hotdog off my plate in his mouth. He tried really hard to get me to engage in an argument I front of he kids. While I was getting our 2 year old ready for bed he kept asking me over and over again if we're broken up. Then he started to ask if I was going to come out and try to beat him up later. I'm so proud of myself for not reacting. Then he was all about how much he loves me he is the most random back and forth light switch ever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

There may be some mental health issues undrerlying such as anxiety which can cause non addicts to be snappy, mood swings liable for instance but, youve potentially diagnosed some of the trends set by cannabis and alchohol especially when the addict isnt getting a "fix". there are clear steps that a Healthcare professional will take and these are initially are to get him off the addiction generating chemicals so that he is menatlly at base zero. It may come to light that he is not just on "weed", he may have moved in other areas and it is the result of these that your seeing all the symtoms.


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## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

What about if he has his fix? He's blowing about 175 a month on beer and his cousin gives him weed in exchange for firewood. He spends most nights with a good buzz on anymore. According to his sister this behavior pattern has been a problem relationships for him since he was a young teen.


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## itzachicken (Oct 17, 2012)

I'm sorry its not 175 per month that's per paycheck which is 2X a month


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## yellowledbet (Sep 5, 2012)

My math suggests that he drinks a 12 pack a day and he smokes weed. Sobers up in his sleep, hungover at work, withdrawing by the time he gets home from work, then drunk again. Rinse, repeat. If this is his case, then his moods are a reflection of his addiction. It could be something deeper, but who knows until he sobers up.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Sometimes people with addictions also have underlying mental issues as well. Not saying ALL people do, but they usually go hand in hand. He needs to be seen by a therapist. In the mean time you will need to take care of you and decide whats best for yourself and if this is how you want to live your life.


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