# Hurting



## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So it's long story, but I'll try to make it short.


Found out WW was having an affair with a business partner back in April. I filed in June we went to medation in Sept and agreed on all the major points( house, visitation and debt). 

WW then comes back to the house in November and says she does not want to get divorce and wants us to work on our M. I ask if she left OM and she said yes. 

Now here is where I did everything wrong.....

I let her move back in, we spend the holidays days as a family. I never pushed for full access of her email or phone. I talk to my attorney and tell him I want to stop the divorce, he tells me why don't you wait a couple of months and see how things go(Thank god!!). I try to talk to her about the A, tell her I need her support to get over the pain and all I get is "All you ever want to do is talk about". What she does not know is that she syncs her phone to the cloud and I have access to her account. Last week I look at her pictures and I see pictures she has taken of OM. When she gets home, I ask her if she saw OM. She gets angry and says NO, and I can't keep living like this if you are always going to accuse me of it!!

I should have just made her leave, but I did not.

I decided to put my VAR in her car this past Friday to find out once and for all. When I listen to the recording. I heard her talking to OM and saying that she was angry that I have not stop the D( The only smart thing I'v done) and a lot of I love you baby.

I go downstairs tell her I know she has been lying and that she had to leave!! We get into a yelling match and I had to basically push her out the door. When she leaves, I txt my attorney to let him know that the R was fake and that we need to go forward with divorce.

I go NC Saturday, even when she txt me, I txt her today to say we need to discuss how we are going to tell D about the divorce. 

We meet at a coffee shop, she sits down and says nothing for a couple of minutes. I then say "how do you want to tell her?" She replies, "What do you want to tell her?" I said well, I thought our R was real and have had only two days to think about, you on the other hand have had this planed out the whole time.

After a little back and forth we agree that will will try to make D know we love her, that this is not her fault and we will try to make the adjustment as easy for her as we can. 

As I was leaving I ask her "Was it worth it?" she says nothing for awhile and then shakes her no, I ask, then why did you do it? She begins to go into her "You know that are marriage was bad..." I stop her and say, I won't listen to you try to blame the past for your CHOICE to have an affair!I get up and start walking out, her following behind me. As I get into my car she ask if she calls will I pick up? I say if it's about our D or the divorce, then I will speak to her, she says of course that is what I meant.

This woman has zero remorse, does not care that she has broken up our family.

Some info on the OM: He's married, has three kids all under two. I have not exposed yet, a couple of months back it was because my attorney want to dispose OM wife, and up till this week because I thought we where trying to R. I know ALL WRONG.

I'm going to ask my attorney that since the mediation paperwork is done, could she back off it if I exposed tmw, if he said it's signed and know backing off, I will expose to wife and employer. If he said it might be an issue, I will expose after the D is final.

I know I did all the wrong things, rugsweep, no boundaries and I know the best thing is to be rid of this woman, but I wont lie, it still hurts. 

Let the 2x4s begin


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

I am so sorry!  I cannot even imagine what you must be going through right now.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

So sorry you're have a need to be here, but glad you are. 

How old is your daughter and how long have you been married?

Exposure is your chance at busting this up. Also, considering the players and the circumstances you have a very good chance of doing this if you go full blown nuclear on it. Forget what your lawyer says right now and please, listen to us.

Read this from Marriage Builders. It's the most comprehensive exposure plan I have seen. Others may disagree.



MelodyLane said:


> [size:14pt]*Exposure 101 *[/size]
> 
> Exposure is simply your most powerful weapon against an affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposure can be ruinous. Exposure is no guarantee, but it is your best bet at killing the affair and making it possible to save your marriage. YES, we know your spouse will be furious, but the goal is to save your marriage, not to avoid your wayward spouse's anger at all cost. Your marriage can survive his/her temporary anger; it cannot survive an ongoing affair. Read up on why exposure is so effective: When Should an Affair Be Exposed?
> 
> ...


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

And this.......



MelodyLane said:


> FB or email exposure letter to family and friends of YOUR WS - this was written by board member, Underdog:
> 
> Dear friends and family,
> 
> ...


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

No 2X4's from me. You were trying to save your family, and were willing to reconcile with your unfaithful wife. Luck was on your side with the sync and the VAR, painful yes but at least you know the truth.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Hell, just read the whole thread here, and come back for help. A lot more traffic here, and the thought processes and methods are the same.

Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon - Marriage Builders® Forums


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Thanks for the replies, I have exposed to WW family back in the summer, and all I got was WW needs help..... I have not heard from them since not even a call to see how my D is doing, so I've said F*** them!

I know I need to expose, but want to make sure the mediation papers are binding and cant be changed. To be honest, I do have tiny hope that we can stop this and I HATE myself for this. Why should I want to stay with a woman that cheats and even worse, gives me false hope with a fake R and puts me back emotionally where I was back in the summer.

D is 8.
married for 10yrs this past December.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does your wife work with the OM? If so, and you expose the affair to her employer she might very well get fired. This will increase the amount of support you will have to pay her until she gets a job. In this economy it could take her a long while to get a job. You really need to think about this part of the exposure.

Does she have an extended family? Expose to them.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

YOUdid thr right thing in tryig to rebuild your marriage, she's the one who is shameless and lacks even one shred of integrity. If there's a 2x4 to be given it's to her because she is still in a fantasy where you can be manipulated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

dscl said:


> Thanks for the replies, I have exposed to WW family back in the summer, and all I got was WW needs help..... I have not heard from them since not even a call to see how my D is doing, so I've said F*** them!
> 
> I know I need to expose, but want to make sure the mediation papers are binding and cant be changed. To be honest, I do have tiny hope that we can stop this and I HATE myself for this. Why should I want to stay with a woman that cheats and even worse, gives me false hope with a fake R and puts me back emotionally where I was back in the summer.
> 
> ...


Does your wife disagree with the settlement agreement as it is? Why would she want a false recovery? What benefit would she get out of that?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

dscl said:


> D is 8.


You should inform her of what her mother is up to in an age appropriate manner. You don't want to make the mistake of her assuming responsibility for what is going on in her family. 

I'll let someone with more experience in this explain why. Read...

Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

dscl said:


> Thanks for the replies, I have exposed to WW family back in the summer, and all I got was WW needs help..... I have not heard from them since not even a call to see how my D is doing, so I've said F*** them!


How disgusting people can be. Enablers.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does your wife work with the OM? If so, and you expose the affair to her employer she might very well get fired. This will increase the amount of support you will have to pay her until she gets a job. In this economy it could take her a long while to get a job. You really need to think about this part of the exposure.
> 
> Does she have an extended family? Expose to them.


The OM is a business partner for her company. The companies are very close and he is in their office almost everyday.

In the mediation paperwork we agreed to no alimony and no CS, each parent will pay all child expensive when the child is with them, and we would share all extra (summer camp school stuff..etc...etc..) 50/50


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Hopefully you proceed on schedule with the divorce and expose.

IF down the road you want to give her a chnace you can but I would not personally. But I would keep to NC and also allow for at least a year of time to go by.

I am betting you will find a better woman by then.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does your wife disagree with the settlement agreement as it is? Why would she want a false recovery? What benefit would she get out of that?


I left a couple of parts of my story out......

Back in Oct. we get into a BIG fight, a lot of yelling, pushing and shoving. WW staches my face up pretty good the whole time I'm yelling stop hitting me!!. What she did not know was that I had my VAR recording the hole thing. We where loud , that the neighbors call the police. When the police get here they separate us and ask what is going on. I tell the police the we where getting a divorce and that I had recorded the whole fight. The cop listens to the VAR and they take her away for assault. So now she has a case for domestic violence. 

During the fake R, WW tells me that the OM business partners have found out about the affair and they are suing him because he has given WW money and they fear that they will lose business with my WW company because of the A.

SO... I think the fake R was to get me to stop the affair to help them with their cases.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You will be getting a lot of advice to expose to the OMW and I`ll second that advice BUT ...in your case you should hold off for now until your lawyer says you`re absolutely clear of any possible repercussion from your Ex.

Fast hard exposure is necessary to destroy an affair but you don`t have that goal, you`re beyond that, all you have left is righteous vengeance.

Vengeance can wait until you`re secure and untouchable.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Actually, you did nothing wrong. That was your wife's role in this. Remember, she did all this. Not you.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

tacoma said:


> You will be getting a lot of advice to expose to the OMW and I`ll second that advice BUT ...in your case you should hold off for now until your lawyer says you`re absolutely clear of any possible repercussion from your Ex.
> 
> Fast hard exposure is necessary to destroy an affair but you don`t have that goal, you`re beyond that, all you have left is righteous vengeance.
> 
> Vengeance can wait until you`re secure and untouchable.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I totally agree with this. Divorce and then expose.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

tacoma said:


> You will be getting a lot of advice to expose to the OMW and I`ll second that advice BUT ...in your case you should hold off for now until your lawyer says you`re absolutely clear of any possible repercussion from your Ex.
> 
> Fast hard exposure is necessary to destroy an affair but you don`t have that goal, you`re beyond that, all you have left is righteous vengeance.
> 
> Vengeance can wait until you`re secure and untouchable.


This is what I'm thinking... I have the email addresses of her boss, the VP of corp HR, the OMW email address, phone number and email address.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> I totally agree with this. Divorce and then expose.


I agree as well. 

That left out info was, shall we say...pertinent?

At the very least get an iron clad agreement, then drop the bomb. You've been played like hell. 

Time for the reckoning.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

3putt said:


> I agree as well.
> 
> That left out info was, shall we say...pertinent?


It is, our talk happen just a couple of hours ago and my head is still spinning.

I just put D to bed and the moment I left her room the thought of having to have the "Talk" with her has brought me to tears.

How can a mother/wife do this to her family??


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

dscl said:


> The OM is a business partner for her company. The companies are very close and he is in their office almost everyday.
> 
> In the mediation paperwork we agreed to no alimony and no CS, each parent will pay all child expensive when the child is with them, and we would share all extra (summer camp school stuff..etc...etc..) 50/50


Yep, I'd wait until that is signed and set in stone like everyone else is saying.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

dscl said:


> How can a mother/wife do this to her family??


Pure selfishness.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

dscl said:


> It is, our talk happen just a couple of hours ago and my head is still spinning.
> 
> I just put D to bed and the moment I left her room the thought of having to have the "Talk" with her has brought me to tears.
> 
> How can a mother/wife do this to her family??


Because she's a selfish woman who's only thinking of herself. You may be hurting now, but her day will come when she realizes that the pain she caused her daughter, and a good man could never be erased. You just keep doing what's right and keep your head up through all of this. Always keep your dignity. Let her stoop as low as she wants.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

dscl said:


> It is, our talk happen just a couple of hours ago and my head is still spinning.
> 
> I just put D to bed and the moment I left her room the thought of having to have the "Talk" with her has brought me to tears.
> 
> How can a mother/wife do this to her family??


Piss poor personal boundaries around members of the opposite sex. 

That's how.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

dscl said:


> How can a mother/wife do this to her family??


Thousands of reasons. And they all start with $$$$.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

dscl said:


> So it's long story, but I'll try to make it short.
> 
> 
> Found out WW was having an affair with a business partner back in April. I filed in June we went to medation in Sept and agreed on all the major points( house, visitation and debt).
> ...


So, do you want save your marriage, or do you want to divorce? 

How long have you been married? Any kids?

If you have any chance of saving your marriage, you need to expose the affair.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

I agree with the others. Wait until divorce is final and then expose far and wide. 

Its the love in you that is asking why she did this. But put your heart aside and listen to your gut and brain:

She cheated on you, chose another man over you and was conspiring with him to dupe you into false R for their own nefarious ends. She has betrayed you in every way a wife could. 

She physically assaults you and probably has throughout your marriage.

She lied when you found the pics of the OM. 

She even raised false hopes in her own daughter knowing down the road she was going to dash them. 

This isn't just selfishness or greed. This is evil.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

committedwife said:


> So, do you want save your marriage, or do you want to divorce?


At this point, I don't think there is a marriage to be saved.



> How long have you been married? Any kids?


1 D she is 8.



> If you have any chance of saving your marriage, you need to expose the affair.


That's the point... I cant bring myself to say I don't want to even thou I know I have to.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

committedwife said:


> So, do you want save your marriage, or do you want to divorce?
> 
> How long have you been married? Any kids?
> 
> If you have any chance of saving your marriage, you need to expose the affair.


Why would he want to save this sham and remain with an abusive wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

committedwife said:


> If you have any chance of saving your marriage, you need to expose the affair.


I think it might be a bit late for that at this point in his marriage. Exposure now and forward would pretty much just be for revenge and the OP's satisfaction (or at least to warn the OMW). Which is perfectly fine, but like others said he should wait till the divorce goes through before exposure if he still wants to.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Does your wife work with the OM? If so, and you expose the affair to her employer she might very well get fired. This will increase the amount of support you will have to pay her until she gets a job. In this economy it could take her a long while to get a job. You really need to think about this part of the exposure.
> 
> Does she have an extended family? Expose to them.


Do you have examples of this? Many have posted getting fired makes no difference an what is considered is how much she has made and base it on what she should make.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If it were me, l would expose the affair now to cause as much trouble as I could for the other man. One reason she wanted to stay married is because the other man is not going to leave his family. If he had exposed earlier, he would probably be working on a good R.

I have yet to see where anyone holding off exposure on an on going affair has done anything but make themselves look like a weak, loser, crying in their beer.

Expose now and watch them dance to your tune.
Dance on his head while your at it.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

chapparal said:


> If it were me, l would expose the affaif now to cause as much trouble as I could for the other man. One reason she wanted to stay married is because the other man is not going to leave his family. If he had exposed earlier, heveould probanly working on a hood R.
> 
> I have yet to see where anyone holding off exposure on an ongoing affair has done smything but make themselves look like aweak loser crying in their beer.
> 
> ...


Okay, dscl, the real question you need to ask yourself right now is _what do I have to lose by exposing now, rather than later._

I think I may have made a huge mistake by going with the board flow about pulling back on exposure advice. Didn't feel right when I typed it, and it still doesn't. Now that Chap has said that, I tend to agree with him.

Sometimes it's just about standing up for yourself. IMO, this is one of those times.

However, if there's anything else you may have left out of this story, now is the time to tell all.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

3putt said:


> Okay, dscl, the real question you need to ask yourself right now is _what do I have to lose by exposing now, rather than later._


A favorable divorce proceeding for one thing. If his wife is agreeing to no alimony or child support, I wouldn't rock the boat if he can pull that off. He already wasted months on a false R anyway.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

dscl said:


> I left a couple of parts of my story out......
> 
> Back in Oct. we get into a BIG fight, a lot of yelling, pushing and shoving. WW staches my face up pretty good the whole time I'm yelling stop hitting me!!. What she did not know was that I had my VAR recording the hole thing. We where loud , that the neighbors call the police. When the police get here they separate us and ask what is going on. I tell the police the we where getting a divorce and that I had recorded the whole fight. The cop listens to the VAR and they take her away for assault. So now she has a case for domestic violence.
> 
> ...


Holy crap, that is nuts. Good thinking on your part for having the presence of mind to be recording. I don't even know what to say about the motivation behind her attempting R but now it makes sense that she would tell the OM she was angry that you wouldn't stop the divorce.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Jasel said:


> A favorable divorce proceeding for one thing. If his wife is agreeing to no alimony or child support, I wouldn't rock the boat if he can pull that off. He already wasted months on a false R anyway.


I want his thoughts on this. This is his life and marriage...not ours.

Problem is, when it comes down to crunch and signing time, she'll renege on everything anyway.

They always do.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

This is a very manipulative self serving woman. Whoever she was before she has changed too much to even consider reconciliation. You'd have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life. Sorry friend. This chapter in your life is over. May the next chapter bring you happiness and much fulfillment.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Need to get the divorce as far along as possible or you may get part of the damage from the lawsuit.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

bfree said:


> This is a very manipulative self serving woman. Whoever she was before she has changed too much to even consider reconciliation. You'd have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life. Sorry friend. This chapter in your life is over. May the next chapter bring you happiness and much fulfillment.


Agreed. Hope to god he doesn't have a fat life insurance policy naming her sole beneficiary. 

I wouldn't be surprised if he woke up one night with her standing over him with an axe. 

OP are you two still lving together?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Staying married means he would not have had to testify against her either.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Hey you gave her a chance and she failed terribly. Now you can walk away with your head up high, knowing you...with out doubt....can move on with the divorce.

There is no what ifs, second guesses, or thinking twice, your STBXW sealed her fate!

No one needs to find a 2x4, but you do need to stick around and let other know how important it is to verify any commitment a wayward makes towards the marriage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

And one more thing....exposure is so important, and a larger part in fighting the affair.....

Lessons learned so please share with others in this community.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Thanks for the info on her motivation. That makes sense.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

3putt said:


> I want his thoughts on this. This is his life and marriage...not ours.
> *
> Problem is, when it comes down to crunch and signing time, she'll renege on everything anyway.
> 
> They always do.*


Ya I didn't really think of that. And now that I am thinking about it, from what he's said his wife sounds like the type to do that.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

3putt said:


> Problem is, when it comes down to crunch and signing time, she'll renege on everything anyway.
> 
> They always do.


I hope not, the mediator did say that it was legally binding if we signed and we both did, it was just waiting for us to go before a judge. I just want my lawyer to confirm it.

Just want to say to everyone, exposure *is* going to happen, I already have the emails written and sitting in my draft folder. I just want to make sure of the timing and cover myself as much as I can.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

dscl said:


> I hope not, the mediator did say that it was legally binding if we signed and we both did, it was just waiting for us to go before a judge. I just want my lawyer to confirm it.
> 
> Just want to say to everyone, exposure *is* going to happen, I already have the emails written and sitting in my draft folder. I just want to make sure of the timing and cover myself as much as I can.


How many days before the Judge?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

dscl said:


> I hope not, the mediator did say that it was legally binding if we signed and we both did, it was just waiting for us to go before a judge. I just want my lawyer to confirm it.
> 
> Just want to say to everyone, exposure *is* going to happen, I already have the emails written and sitting in my draft folder. I just want to make sure of the timing and cover myself as much as I can.


Sounds like you're calming down a little and getting your feet beneath you.

This appearance before the judge; is it just for the legally binding the agreement, or something more?

If nothing more than that, I'm liking your position in this more and more.

Partner, again, so sorry you're having to go through this. BTDT.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Just for that little part of you that still wants her back, remember that people are complicated and she's not all one way or another; it's not that she used to be good and now she's bad. She has the good still in her, just not for you. And now you see the bad, big time. She has the capacity to be cold-hearted and calculating & that won't change suddenly. When you feel yourself wanting her, just try to remember that.

The two of them are trying to play you like a puppet. I doubt the OM wants a divorce - he'd rather cake-eat, I bet. So your instincts are good. Get your divorce deal locked down as much as possible and then expose. They'll figure out really quickly that you're not the puppet in this whole drama.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Scorched earth policy after everything is finalized. She has a dm charge on her if she tries anything remind her of that.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

There are still some states you can sue OM. Look into it.

Be carefull what you do She is locked on OM. Make sure she does not try to set you up. At this time you are in a very strong position so just get the D done first.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

dscl said:


> So it's long story, but I'll try to make it short.
> 
> 
> Found out WW was having an affair with a business partner back in April. I filed in June we went to medation in Sept and agreed on all the major points( house, visitation and debt).
> ...


I don't think you did anything wrong, except love a person who isn't worthy of your love. I wasnt perfect in my marriage, but no matter how bad a marriage is that isn't an excuse to have an affair. So that's good you wouldn't allow her to blame things on your marriage. My STBHX had an affair with his married coworker too. He's know getting a divorce, almost 40 and living in his 27 year old friends basement. I too, will only talk my H if it has to do with our divorce or finances. I feel myself growing stronger everyday, but it still hurts. 

What amazes me about CS is their ability to function in the same reality as everyone else. It's not their fault they strayed, it's everyone else's for neglecting "their" needs. They cannot begin (or they don't want to face) the destruction they have caused. Here is a perfect example, I read that Jesse James blames "marrying a Hollywood A-lister" as a reason for his career going down the drain. He didnt begin to think that maybe his "multiple affairs, lack of remorse and crappy personality" as the reasons his career is in shambles. 

I hope things get better for you and your daughter. And I am thankful that she has one stable parent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I love the inherent hypocrisy of an affair:
They blame you for being busy, while they are busy hiding and lying. 
They blame you for not communicating, while they never communicated their issue with you.
They blame you for not being there, but they are checked out on the phone, Ipad, laptop or whatever with their AP.
They blame you for not trying hard enough, but they gave up on you and had an affair.
They blame you for not caring, but they didn't care enough to work on any issues.
They blame you for wanting to leave, but they had already left.


Yet at the end of the day it is all the BS's fault.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Talked to my lawyer today by phone and filled him in on everything that has happen this past week. He confirmed that the agreement me and WW is binding. The only thing me and WW did not agree on was court cost, she has agreed to cover 30%, my lawyer of course want to go to trial to get 100%, no guarantee that I will get it and if I don't, Im out all the extra court cost, does not seem like it's a risk I should take and I told him so.

He did let me know that posOM partners lawyers had contacted him and they ask if we would give them any evidence we have to help them in their case! 

This is VERY tempting, Could get the exposure to posOM W I want and have the other lawyer do it for me. Think W would better believe it coming from a law firm than someone she does not know just sending her a email or calling her out of the blue.

When I mentioned exposure to WW job, he said lets wait for the D to be final and then let everyone know. He is going to contact my WW lawyer tmw to let her know we want to end this as fast as we can and he wants me to call him in the afternoon to see where we stand.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

dscl said:


> Talked to my lawyer today by phone and filled him in on everything that has happen this past week. He confirmed that the agreement me and WW is binding. The only thing me and WW did not agree on was court cost, she has agreed to cover 30%, my lawyer of course want to go to trial to get 100%, no guarantee that I will get it and if I don't, Im out all the extra court cost, does not seem like it's a risk I should take and I told him so.
> 
> He did let me know that posOM partners lawyers had contacted him and they ask if we would give them any evidence we have to help them in their case!
> 
> ...


If your agreement is binding, then what are you waiting for on any front, be it workplace or personal exposure?

As far as POSOM's wife you should do the exposing yourself...preferably tonight. You can allow the lawyer to be used as confirmation, but you need to be taking these actions yourself.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Not one attorney has ever advised outing their partner. Its a fatal flaw in thier thinking. There has to be a reason but they are on the outside looking in. Its just business for them. He is actually suggesting letting the OMW suffer without knowing it. Damn him. Thats why lawyers laugh at the notion of justice. This makes me sick. If this happens again I hope no one sits on their ass and doesn't let you know.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

OK nothing major to report, just want to write my thoughts down....

WW and I have only communicating with text and only about D. Thursday she sends me this:

WW: Hey I want to puck up D from daycare this evening- OK?
also- I told her a while back that I would take her to the 
Valentines dance tmw and I still do.

Me: We already have plans for tonight, but you can call her tonight and let her know about the dance or I can tell her.

WW:Until this divorce finalized we need to set up a schedule. You cannot keep her from me

Me: I'm not keeping her from you. I did not hear from you and I made plans for me and D. If you wanted to you coil have called and let me know.

WW: I'm calling her at 6 today, I'm picking her up at 5 tmw.


Before anyone ask, exposure is happening this Thursday (I'm dealing with some work issues I had to deal with and to be honest, I just need a couple of days to get myself mentally ready for it).

So as I said before, we are suppose to tell D about the divorce, we left it as this weekend but now I see we did not set when. As of now, I have not heard anything back from WW.

Right now I'm just torn apart, I can accept that the M is over but the hurt is just so intense. I know I have to let her go, but the nagging of "why" she did this is still haunting me.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

dscl said:


> I left a couple of parts of my story out......
> 
> Back in Oct. we get into a BIG fight, a lot of yelling, pushing and shoving. WW staches my face up pretty good the whole time I'm yelling stop hitting me!!. What she did not know was that I had my VAR recording the hole thing. We where loud , that the neighbors call the police. When the police get here they separate us and ask what is going on. I tell the police the we where getting a divorce and that I had recorded the whole fight. The cop listens to the VAR and they take her away for assault. So now she has a case for domestic violence.
> 
> ...


This is why you need to expose now.

You've seen the number one thing she and the OM fear is exposure because the heat is currently on them around the affair.

It was enough heat that she chose to protect the OM by offering you a false R.

Think about it, she was willing to come home and have sex with you, to cheat on the OM with you so that she could protect him.

Right now you want to do everything you can to fuel the fire that is burning the OMs feet.

You hiding things for them, keeping their secret makes them strong,

Do you know what happens when you faces strong opponent? You loose.

Expose ASAP.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Not one attorney has ever advised outing their partner. Its a fatal flaw in thier thinking. There has to be a reason but they are on the outside looking in. Its just business for them. He is actually suggesting letting the OMW suffer without knowing it. Damn him. Thats why lawyers laugh at the notion of justice. This makes me sick. If this happens again I hope no one sits on their ass and doesn't let you know.


This is because divorce attorneys are not about justice, they are 100% about executing as smoothly as possible the paper work for dissolution of the marriage and assets.

They are not out to fix families, end affairs, or justice.

In fact if you do exposé, you may help your situation, but you won't help the lawyer have yet another easy case with billable hours, instead you will have other things going on. Lawyers hate that. They want to fill out papers, charge you, answer questions,charge you, file papers, charge you.

People watch too many tv shows with lawyers who are out seeking the truth. Real lawyers are about process and billing. Especially divorce lawyers.

So don't turn to them for justice or advice on how to get it. That's not the service they offer.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So WW finally got back to me. She asked when do I want to tell D, I said now. She then goes on to say she wants to do it in a public place because she does not want to be along with me. I tell her that I want my D to find out that what she sees as her family is over in her home.

WW then says, you have to stop thinking you are primary and she now has two homes I also want to take her to the apt to show her her new room. I tell her I never thought I had primary and tell her I wish you would stop thinking "she will be fine"(This is what she has kept saying since Dday), I also don't think showing her your apt on the same day we tell her this is a good idea.

WW then says, her feeling safe is going to be us being civil and not angry with each other, I'm willing to come to the house but I want to take her to the apt after, you can come also.

I reply, I'm done. I want to tell D in the only home she has known. Let me know what time you will be here and I can meet you outside to discuss what w will tell her.

No reply after that.

What is wrong with this woman?!?!


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## Mike11 (Aug 25, 2011)

She had an affair on you, she left, and now she need to assuage her conscious that what she has done is ok, as it is very difficult to face the fact that you have broke your family and you are about to destroy the life of your kid, 

she will become aggressive to instigate a reaction from you to feed her EN that you are an [email protected]!ss [email protected] and she is entitled to divorce you, that is exactly what she is doing.

Stay Indifferent as much as possible even though you feel like choking her


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'll ytell you whats wrong with this women, she never thought about the current matter at hand...the talk with your kid. Your STBXW is flying by the seat of her pants and hasn't a clue what the next step is....she is making it up as she goes along.

This is what happens when poeple screw up big time and they struggle with the damage control. As the public relations break down they start reaching for straws.

See your kids mom never planned for this conversation with your daughter, so now she is reaching and crabbing at air.....


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

dscl said:


> So WW finally got back to me. She asked when do I want to tell D, I said now. She then goes on to say she wants to do it in a public place because she does not want to be along with me. I tell her that I want my D to find out that what she sees as her family is over in her home.
> 
> WW then says, you have to stop thinking you are primary and she now has two homes I also want to take her to the apt to show her her new room. I tell her I never thought I had primary and tell her I wish you would stop thinking "she will be fine"(This is what she has kept saying since Dday), I also don't think showing her your apt on the same day we tell her this is a good idea.
> 
> ...


You are feeding her, now stop it. She doesn't get to dictate when or how you tell your daughter, she left. You are no longer mutual parents, certain things you divide others are single parent choices. You take what the other parent states into consideration, but ultimately the decision is up to the parent with rights at that time.

Get her served, carry a VAR at all times and record her for your safety. She is setting you up with that implied "fear" Bull crap.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Be prepared to have your atty file an order of protection against WW if she so much as threatens you in any way. 

With her DV charges still pending you have a good chance of keeping this unstable woman away from you, and perhaps your D for 90 days if you think it's wise.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

dscl said:


> So WW finally got back to me. She asked when do I want to tell D, I said now. She then goes on to say she wants to do it in a public place because she does not want to be along with me. I tell her that I want my D to find out that what she sees as her family is over in her home.
> 
> WW then says, you have to stop thinking you are primary and she now has two homes I also want to take her to the apt to show her her new room. I tell her I never thought I had primary and tell heur I wish you would stop thinking "she will be fine"(This is what she has kept saying since Dday), I also don't think showing her your apt on the same day we tell
> 
> ...


*Duh! She hates your guts. She thinks you are a wimp and her new man is a real man. Strong and smart and tingly.*


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So an update...

This past sat. we told D about the divorce, to see the fear in my little girl's eyes destroyed me. We comfort her as much as we could, I gave her a hug and when her head was in my chest I could not hold back the tears. I looked up at my WW and she did not have even one tear coming down.

This morning I had all my expose email up on my screen and I must have stared at that send button for an hour, and then I said **** her!! and pressed the button!!

Unfortunately the OMW email address must have been old because it bounced back.

I printed the email and a couple copies of some of the pics and went to the post office and mailed it to OMW. I made sure to have it sent restricted delivery, meaning she is the only one who can sign for it. ETA for her getting it is tmw.

I sent emails to WW aunt,SIL,best friend and her job.

For her job, I sent it her director and CC the VP of HR and the CEO of the company.

So far I have not heard anything from anyone, so I guess it's wait and see.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Excellent!

What about the lawyers that wanted you to help them against the OM?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Excellent!
> 
> What about the lawyers that wanted you to help them against the OM?


Forgot about that one yes if you could update on that thanks and great job on exposing see if those other lawyers could help you out with info on the omw.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Excellent!
> 
> What about the lawyers that wanted you to help them against the OM?


txt my lawyer and told him to give them whatever they need.


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

dscl said:


> txt my lawyer and told him to give them whatever they need.


Now put them on cheaterville.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I can't wait to see the karma bus coming to get a couple of people. Good there are consequences for people's actions you did the right thing given your set of circumstances.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So it's the end of the day and I have not heard back from anyone, don't care about her family or friend, but was hoping something would have happen at her job. Stbxw has txt a couple of time to discuss visitation but has said nothing about be talked to about my email.

So of course my head is spinning with "Are they just going to ignore it as just crazy talk from an angry husband?"

Or should I just tell myself to calm down and give it time?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

dscl said:


> So it's the end of the day and I have not heard back from anyone, don't care about her family or friend, but was hoping something would have happen at her job. Stbxw has txt a couple of time to discuss visitation but has said nothing about be talked to about my email.
> 
> So of course my head is spinning with "Are they just going to ignore it as just crazy talk from an angry husband?"
> 
> *Or should I just tell myself to calm down and give it time?*


This. Wait until that exposure gets to OM's BW. You'll hear about that one I can assure you.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Time is your friend here. Official wheels can grind slowly. Also remember that you've fed the grapevine, so that will have a gradual, inevitable effect.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So it seems things at her job are in motion. 

Sent stbxw and email, discussing payment of bills and to tell her to get her stuff and pets from my house.

She answer a couple of things but not others, I replied I needed answers to all the items.

Her reply: "in light of recent developments yesterday, I am discussing some serious issues with my attorney right now."

I know it's just scare tactics, but it does has me thinking....


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

dscl said:


> So it's the end of the day and I have not heard back from anyone, don't care about her family or friend, but was hoping something would have happen at her job. Stbxw has txt a couple of time to discuss visitation but has said nothing about be talked to about my email.
> 
> So of course my head is spinning with "Are they just going to ignore it as just crazy talk from an angry husband?"
> 
> Or should I just tell myself to calm down and give it time?


When my WH got busted with the OW the OWH wanted to go to the company and expose everything. I was hesitant because financially I didnt want to struggle and my WH was the breadwinner so I was hesitant to encourage him. Im not sure what he did but he stirred up a stink. My WH and OW remained at the job for another 16 mos and then OW basically got pushed out of the job and went to another one. I later found out they didnt want her there because of what had happened but they werent in a rush to get rid of her. Sometimes the company just doesnt care!!


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

dscl said:


> So it seems things at her job are in motion.
> 
> Sent stbxw and email, discussing payment of bills and to tell her to get her stuff and pets from my house.
> 
> ...


Dont think on it too much, she's trying to get in your head. Ignore her!


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So yesterday I get an email from STBXW saying that she wanted to come over on Friday to pack her stuff and then Saturday she would remove all of it. She said a friend of ours would let DD stay the night today and then Friday friend would take DD to STBXW job since they are doing a shoot and they where cast as extras.

Background posOM and STBXW met at work and spent a lot of time together in her office....

I told STBXW that since I wanted to have this move as fast as possible I would let DD go to the sleepover and her job, but going forward, when it was my time with DD she would not go back to her office.

Well today I get a email from her stating that she would get her stuff after all are divorce paperwork was signed.

I told her fine, she would still need to pay her part of DD things and that since she changed plans, there was no need for DD to go to her office and that I would pick up DD in the morning after the sleep over. Her reply "That's thoughtful of you that you will intentionally disappoint her. "

I did not reply to this.

I can't take this woman any longer. She puts me in a situation where she wants me to let my DD be with her in the same place she carrying on her affair, I say OK at first just to have her get her **** out of my house, she changes plans last minute, and then she tries to guilt me about not letting DD go to her affair meetup place??


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Try to stay as aloof as possible from the tit for tat. I know it's hard not to take the bait, but it's strategically and psychologically the best thing you can do if you want to be in control.

She is being aggressive where she thinks it will get her something. Remember that there's no legal recourse for her for your exposing her. You are just telling the truth and that is not against the law. Try to stay focused and cold-blooded.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

dscl said:


> So yesterday I get an email from STBXW saying that she wanted to come over on Friday to pack her stuff and then Saturday she would remove all of it. She said a friend of ours would let DD stay the night today and then Friday friend would take DD to STBXW job since they are doing a shoot and they where cast as extras.
> 
> Background posOM and STBXW met at work and spent a lot of time together in her office....
> 
> ...


I would simply state that her plans changed, therefore yours changed. End of story. Do NOT let her get in your head and make you feel like you are hurting your daughter.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

LetDownNTX said:


> I would simply state that her plans changed, therefore yours changed. End of story. Do NOT let her get in your head and make you feel like you are hurting your daughter.


Thinking it's not worth the effort, just going NC on her.

Got this other email now.

"Friend called me after she got your text. I told her that you would be the one who tells DD she can't go to the photo shoot tomorrow. "

And round and round we go!


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So now I get a txt from friend.

Hey dscl, don't you have work tmw? We really like DD company and would love to spend the day with her tmw.

Now to let everyone know this friend is DD's teacher. I have not exposed STBXW to her because I wanted to keep my DD school life away from this as much as I could, but it's clear to me that STBXW is talking up a heavy negative campaign against me. I think it's time to let the teacher know the true reason why I'm divorcing STBXW.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

dscl said:


> So now I get a txt from friend.
> 
> Hey dscl, don't you have work tmw? We really like DD company and would love to spend the day with her tmw.
> 
> Now to let everyone know this friend is DD's teacher. I have not exposed STBXW to her because I wanted to keep my DD school life away from this as much as I could, but it's clear to me that STBXW is talking up a heavy negative campaign against me. I think it's time to let the teacher know the true reason why I'm divorcing STBXW.


Yep I'd say it's time to set this one straight.:iagree:


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

dscl said:


> I think it's time to let the teacher know the true reason why I'm divorcing STBXW.


Right now is a good time.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Please, set the teacher straight, the whole story, your wife's back and ford including the cold orchestrated false R, the OM's toxic presence and possible volatile situation at that place given the lawsuits at hand that must be avoided for now and ask her to watch DD closely.
Warn her so she can take with a grain of salf whatever STBX is selling.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

dscl - are you sure POSOM's wife got the letter? Can you get proof that it was not intercepted. In my case, I was stupid enough to wait for a month until TAM supporters said to do it. Once, i did, POSOM, who previously told and wrote my WW that they were soul partners, will run away together, will immedately leave his wife if his affair is exposed...threw my wife immediately under a bus. He supposedly begged and cried to his wife for forgiveness to stay married. I don't think your POSOM wants to lose his business and his wife and his three little kids. 

I sent POSOM's wife proof at her work address, she thanked me and then she used an address of a friend so I can send all the other crop (cards, momento's, love notes left for my W). The big joke for those that know him is "that he is under house arrest, not allowed to go anywhere from his wife). I never felt bad for POSOM, but for the POSOM's wife who I had known and was a nice, deidcated, and faithful wife. 

So not only is your WW's life in the craphole, this other guy is about to lose everything that should have been important to him!


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

lewmin said:


> dscl - are you sure POSOM's wife got the letter? Can you get proof that it was not intercepted.


Lewmin,

At this point Im sure she has not. I sent it restricted delivery, meaning she is the only one who can sign for it, and as of now it's still sitting in the post office. I've called the one# number (From my google voice) and all I get is an answering machine.

Don't have any other why of getting in contact with her.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Again, from the female perspective, your W is engaging in psychological warfare. I've read many threads here and your W is unusually aggressive, in my opinion, in the way she is talking to you and trying to manipulate you.

Definitely talk to the teacher, but don't go on and on with the entire litany. Say that W has been having an affair and you are protecting your DD because her mother is not thinking very clearly. Say that you appreciate her concern & she should know that you are looking out for your DD's welfare as your first priority.

You need to go to the mattresses, sir. Your W is a special case, I think. She's like a political operative in a dirty campaign. Calculated, planned, aggressive.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Try spokeo it might give you a partial address for free and well if your familiar with the area.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Try spokeo it might give you a partial address for free and well if your familiar with the area.


Already did, thats how I got the address I sent the mail to.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Its time to clear the deck of all the BS and tell it straight to any and all!!!!:smthumbup:


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

dscl said:


> Already did, thats how I got the address I sent the mail to.


I would just go there then in person.


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## lewmin (Nov 5, 2012)

Here is what I believe:

Right now your wife believes that they are going to be together. 
Right now POSOM is praying that the only "rock" in his life..his wife..doesn't find out as his business may be crumbling. He is telling your wife that he loves her and he needs time but they will be together, guaranteed.
So, he goes home to the virtual calmness of the wife and three babies. Don't you know where they live? He works, right? Does she? 
She not knowing what is going on may have told husband "hey, funny thing, I received a notice from USPS to pick up a certified letter at the post office", and husband being suspicious as is world is crumbling may have said "it's nothing, it's business related or IRS I'll take care of it". Don't bother. Don't put anything past POSOM in stopping the proof going to his wife.

In my case, POSOM, to make himslef look like a martyr, even bs'd and said too bad I told his wife, he was just about to do it himself. Quite funny.


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## Flowers (Feb 5, 2013)

It is obvious that you love your family so much. The best thing for you to do is let her go in as much as it hurts you, you will definitely get another lady who appreciates family as much as you do. Its so sad that you had to put up with so much crap.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

LetDownNTX said:


> When my WH got busted with the OW the OWH wanted to go to the company and expose everything. I was hesitant because financially I didnt want to struggle and my WH was the breadwinner so I was hesitant to encourage him. Im not sure what he did but he stirred up a stink. My WH and OW remained at the job for another 16 mos and then OW basically got pushed out of the job and went to another one. I later found out they didnt want her there because of what had happened but they werent in a rush to get rid of her. Sometimes the company just doesnt care!!


Dang it! Every time I read any of your story Letdown, I get p!ssed off for you.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So had a bad morning, DD was crying about how she is missing her mom, I give her hugs and tell her that we both love her and that she will see her soon. I try to explain that while things are going to be a little different, that me and her mom will always be here for her, DD answer "Yeah but I won't have you both at the same time" 

Seeing DD sad is killing me, it took everything I had to not call stbxw and ripping into her!!

So later in the day I get a email from stbxw asking if she could take DD out for dinner tonight, it is my week and she has already had her midweek time with DD so I could just have said no, but after this morning with DD I could not do it and told her yes.

What hurts the most is, while me and DD are left to pick up the pieces of what use to be our family, stbxw is going about her life like everything is great.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

You are not really helping DD at this time. Every time she sees stbxw the x will try to manipulate your DD against you. You know this. Why feed your DD to the wolves? 

From now on stick to the agreement. Word for word. Your daughter will need both IC and YOU to deal with the separation from mom. It's not the best situation for her. But IMO it's worse if she is being poisoned by the x.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

expose this woman for what she really is..... a CHEATER!

you need to this ASAP. she's obviously rewriting marital history. you better set the record straight with these folks. 

time to GET REAL.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Does your STBXW recipricate allowing you mid week time during her time?? If not then say no. If you don't try the mid week stuff then do so.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

cledus_snow said:


> expose this woman for what she really is..... a CHEATER!
> 
> you need to this ASAP. she's obviously rewriting marital history. you better set the record straight with these folks.
> 
> time to GET REAL.



All ready did.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

ShootMePlz! said:


> Does your STBXW recipricate allowing you mid week time during her time?? If not then say no. If you don't try the mid week stuff then do so.


This is the first of week on week off.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> You are not really helping DD at this time. Every time she sees stbxw the x will try to manipulate your DD against you. You know this. Why feed your DD to the wolves?
> 
> From now on stick to the agreement. Word for word. Your daughter will need both IC and YOU to deal with the separation from mom. It's not the best situation for her. But IMO it's worse if she is being poisoned by the x.


Have be carful with DD until I get her into IC.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

i thought you said the teacher/friend doesn't know. she's part of the exposure equation. 

leave no stone unturned when it comes to exposure. blow this sh1t out of the water.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

cledus_snow said:


> i thought you said the teacher/friend doesn't know. she's part of the exposure equation.
> 
> leave no stone unturned when it comes to exposure. blow this sh1t out of the water.


Sent her an email this morning.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

dscl said:


> Have be carful with DD until I get her into IC.


No, you really need to talk about it before there are things said, by others, that can't be undone. Yes, IC HELPS, but they remember the parents actions more than a counselors.
As someone who found out about the lies, after the fact, you do not want to be that dad.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So after some thinking, I've decided NOT to let DD have dinner with stbxw. I was in pain thinking about how DD was saying she missed her mother this morning, but I must accept that I'm not the one who is the cause of this hurt. I also see now that DD has to get use to what her new life will be like, can't have stbxw change schedules at last minute whenever she wants, not good for DD.

Maybe down the road we might get to a point where we can talk about extra time here and there for special times, but right now, it's not doable.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

dscl said:


> So after some thinking, I've decided NOT to let DD have dinner with stbxw. I was in pain thinking about how DD was saying she missed her mother this morning, but I must accept that I'm not the one who is the cause of this hurt. I also see now that DD has to get use to what her new life will be like, can't have stbxw change schedules at last minute whenever she wants, not good for DD.
> 
> Maybe down the road we might get to a point where we can talk about extra time here and there for special times, but right now, it's not doable.


Exactly. Good call. And no, don't let her accuse you of being vindictive or petty. You have an agreement. IF you feel it's in your daughters best interest to alter the agreement then fine. It is always going to be in her best interest to spend as much time with you. 

But your wife's wishes or wants no longer interest you in the least. Why? because you already have two people to care for. You and DD. She has her own OM to take care of her. Case closed.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You can remind your wife that she does not take agreements and vows seriously and that makes you doubtful of her good intentions, even concerning your daughter.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Well just back. Told stbxw, that after thinking about it, DD needs structure in what is her new life, so I changed my mind about letting her have dinner with you.

She just said OK and walked away.


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## RAN (Oct 14, 2012)

dscl said:


> Well just back. Told stbxw, that after thinking about it, DD needs structure in what is her new life, so I changed my mind about letting her have dinner with you.
> 
> She just said OK and walked away.


That is Fantastic, now take DD to the place which she loves, either for Dinner or for Entertainment.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

RAN said:


> That is Fantastic, now take DD to the place which she loves, either for Dinner or for Entertainment.


Thats the plan, taking her to a lunch and a movie.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So I exposed to another one of stbxw friends. To be honest, I think her friends all knew and where believe all the lies stbxw was/is saying about me so Im sure they have given her the "You need to be happy" speech.

So I have not posted this before, I did put OM on cheaterville last week, has over 60k views so far!! 

Question:

I'm thinking of using the anonymous email from the site to send it to stbxw and OM. Should I do it or just move on?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

move on.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> move on.


I agree. They'll find out on their own eventually.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

dscl said:


> So I exposed to another one of stbxw friends. To be honest, I think her friends all knew and where believe all the lies stbxw was/is saying about me so Im sure they have given her the "You need to be happy" speech.
> 
> So I have not posted this before, I did put OM on cheaterville last week, has over 60k views so far!!
> 
> ...


Hell yeah, let'em know and move on. Creatures of the night hate the light. Shine a beam on them.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> move on.


Is this the real warlock? Is everyone turning into a zombie or what? Must be the winter time.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So stbxw week with DD starts tmw at 5PM. Just got a email and the only thing it said was "I will be at gas station at 5pm to pick up DD". Now mind you this will be her first week with DD, no mention of packing clothes, school bag, toys, nothing.

I did not respond and feel it's up to stbxw to make sure DD has what she needs, but I don't want to send DD off tmw without even a change of clothes, I'm just so tired of dealing with all of this.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

dscl said:


> So stbxw week with DD starts tmw at 5PM. Just got a email and the only thing it said was "I will be at gas station at 5pm to pick up DD". Now mind you this will be her first week with DD, no mention of packing clothes, school bag, toys, nothing.
> 
> I did not respond and feel it's up to stbxw to make sure DD has what she needs, but I don't want to send DD off tmw without even a change of clothes, I'm just so tired of dealing with all of this.


Just have what you think she might need ready. Remind yourself it's for your daughter's sake not your stbxw. If it turns out it's not necessary than the only thing you'll be guilty of is trying to take care of your kid.


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

dscl said:


> So stbxw week with DD starts tmw at 5PM. Just got a email and the only thing it said was "I will be at gas station at 5pm to pick up DD". Now mind you this will be her first week with DD, no mention of packing clothes, school bag, toys, nothing.
> 
> I did not respond and feel it's up to stbxw to make sure DD has what she needs, but I don't want to send DD off tmw without even a change of clothes, I'm just so tired of dealing with all of this.


Make sure the child has clothes, pajamas, and all the toiletries she needs. My son stupidly acts like its his wife's problem but all it does is hurt the child. Please.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Any chance you could get some dates during your next weeks away from your D?

That getting back to your STBXWW is the best kind of revenge: living well.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

HappyHubby said:


> Any chance you could get some dates during your next weeks away from your D?
> 
> That getting back to your STBXWW is the best kind of revenge: living well.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What would be cool isto have woman in the car with you. If she asks, it's just a friend. Lol


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## Movingon_ (Feb 13, 2013)

New to the thread. Wow what a story. I think all here on TAM have the same story. After my ex W A, we told our two kids about our D. My 9 year old daughter hit her knees and cried NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! for about 20 minutes. I looked at the ex with so much hate for what she had done to our kide. I started crying as well. If there would have been a 2x4 near me that day, I would be serving 10 to life because I could have killed my ex that day. She stood there as stoned faced as if she were watching the garbage man take our trash away. The thought of my daughter bawling on her knees that day still yanks me out of bed in the middle of the night in tears and it has been a little over a year ago. I'll bet my ex wife has never given it a second thought. Really sorry for what you are going through but sad to say it only gets worse from here. You are alot like me, I can tell. Never wanted your D to be in a divorced family. I have 50/50 as well. When the kids show up with thier suitcases, it brings tears to my eyes everytime. Those [email protected] suit case!!!! Oh how I hate them. I want to take them in the back yard set them on fire than [email protected] on them. And like you, I am amazed at how care free my ex acts. As if this is not hurting the kids one bit.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Movingon_ said:


> New to the thread. Wow what a story. I think all here on TAM have the same story. After my ex W A, we told our two kids about our D. My 9 year old daughter hit her knees and cried NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! for about 20 minutes. I looked at the ex with so much hate for what she had done to our kide. I started crying as well. If there would have been a 2x4 near me that day, I would be serving 10 to life because I could have killed my ex that day. She stood there as stoned faced as if she were watching the garbage man take our trash away. The thought of my daughter bawling on her knees that day still yanks me out of bed in the middle of the night in tears and it has been a little over a year ago. I'll bet my ex wife has never given it a second thought. Really sorry for what you are going through but sad to say it only gets worse from here. You are alot like me, I can tell. Never wanted your D to be in a divorced family. I have 50/50 as well. When the kids show up with thier suitcases, it brings tears to my eyes everytime. Those [email protected] suit case!!!! Oh how I hate them. I want to take them in the back yard set them on fire than [email protected] on them. And like you, I am amazed at how care free my ex acts. As if this is not hurting the kids one bit.


Movingon, it's amazing how all our stories seem to be the same.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

Well just saw that the "friend" I emailed yesterday about my stbsw affair just unfriened me from Facebook, I guess I was right when I said they knew and where giving stbxw the "you need to be happy" speech.....


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## RAN (Oct 14, 2012)

dscl said:


> So I exposed to another one of stbxw friends. To be honest, I think her friends all knew and where believe all the lies stbxw was/is saying about me so Im sure they have given her the "You need to be happy" speech.
> 
> So I have not posted this before, I did put OM on cheaterville last week, has over 60k views so far!!
> 
> ...


Just *MOVE ON*


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

dscl said:


> Well just saw that the "friend" I emailed yesterday about my stbsw affair just unfriened me from Facebook, I guess I was right when I said they knew and where giving stbxw the "you need to be happy" speech.....


Toxic friends can help kill a marriage so quickly.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So just came back from sending DD to her week with STBXW, this will be the longest I've been apart from DD since she was born, don't know how I'm going to make it, I feel empty.


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Hurting*



dscl said:


> So just came back from sending DD to her week with STBXW, this will be the longest I've been apart from DD since she was born, don't know how I'm going to make it, I feel empty.


It's hard but call her once a day to say goodnight and find out her day went. Your wife can't keep you from calling.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

> Well just saw that the "friend" I emailed yesterday about my stbsw affair just unfriened me from Facebook, I guess I was right when I said they knew and where giving stbxw the "you need to be happy" speech.....


looks that way.


think of it as a "weeding out" process.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So some updates....

STBXW called yesterday and said that I had changed the insurance policy and removed her old car but did not add her new one(She got a new lease while she had me in the fake R). I reminded her that our medation paperwork stated I just had to keep the insurance on her old car until the lease ended in Jan. She ignored this and sent me part of the temp order to show I had to keep the insurance until the divorce was final, she seems to not get that the mediation supersedes the temp order. She goes on to tell me that she talked to her lawyer and that I was in violation and that if I did not put it back she would get her lawyer to call mine. I said "Please do, and that she had till the morning to get new insurance since I would be removing it from mine."

I called my lawyer just to make sure I was right and he said I was. Called my insurance company in the morning to remove her new car and I was told that only my car was on the policy, I ask her to check and see if there where any changes in the last week and she told me the only change was when I called to remove STBXW old car. I asked her to remove STBXW as a user on the policy to stop her from making any future changes and thanked her.

Have no idea why STXW would lie about any of this since she had to know I would find out, it's just nuts!?!?

Also just came back from my first mid week visit with DD, took her to dinner and had a great time, but it hurt so much after I dropped her off knowing I would not see her for another 4 days, don't know how I'm going to be able to do this for the next 5-6 yrs.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So I was able to find posOM wife's sister facebook page and I sent her a message letting her know what was going on and my contact info to give her sister if she wanted to talk to me, hope she does. So far nothing has happen (That I know of) with STBXW job and none of the friends/family have gotten back to me, this last shot with the sister is the end of me exposing.

Now as far as working on me....

Little things:

Finally got my garage door that has been broken since Nov fixed, no more parking outside! 

STBXW came and got her dog, no more walking it!

Started going back to the gym, so far since this nightmare has begun I've lost 40lbs, most from not eating well, but now I'm doing it right by going to the gym.

Have started going out with old friends that I've lost touch with.


Bigger thing...

Got a call from my director today and he informed me that I will be promoted to a new position in the upcoming month! This position will of course pay more but more importantly will let me be able to telecommute a couple of days a week.

So I guess little by little things are getting better.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Exposing one person a week is not exposing. This is why your exposure is not effective and your WW is still banging her OM.

Then the most important exposure target the OMW has not been told yet. Unbelieveable.

You know how the OM is when he works you go to see OMW at that time. Grow another pair or get your originals back from your WW"s purse.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

theroad said:


> Exposing one person a week is not exposing. This is why your exposure is not effective and your WW is still banging her OM.
> 
> Then the most important exposure target the OMW has not been told yet. Unbelieveable.
> 
> You know how the OM is when he works you go to see OMW at that time. Grow another pair or get your originals back from your WW"s purse.


uhm.. Dont know if you have read the whole thread, but I exposed to STBXW family (Her father's side),job and friends on the same day. I also sent OMW and email same day but it bounced back. I even went to the post office and mailed her a letter, SAME DAY and she has not picked it up. I've been calling the phone number I have for her and no one ever picks up.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

tom67 said:


> :iagree::iagree:





dscl said:


> uhm.. Dont know if you have read the whole thread, but I exposed to STBXW family (Her father's side),job and friends on the same day. I also sent OMW and email same day but it bounced back. I even went to the post office and mailed her a letter, SAME DAY and she has not picked it up. I've been calling the phone number I have for her and no one ever picks up.


So go find her and do it right this time. This guy has destroyed your life and your daughgers life. No more excuses. So far his punishment is he gets two women.


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

You hanging in there Dscl?


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

LostAndContent said:


> You hanging in there Dscl?



I'm doing better, been hanging out with friends on the days I don't have my daughter with me. When she is with me, spend time having fun with her and making sure she is keeping up with school work. 

As far as STBSW.... **** her!! I've gotten to the point that the only time I think about her is to think how fast can I get her out of my life! I thinking spending time doing things for me has helped A LOT, I now see my life is going to be ok, don't get me wrong, I'm still sad thinking about my daughter not having a full "family" but I will be the family she needs.

On another note.... Checked the posOM company website and it is no longer loading any pages.... hmmm


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So STBSW was suppose to come over today to get some of her stuff and her cat. Sent me a email telling me she would be her around 8. Got another email around 9 telling me she got tied up getting things ready for DD at her apt and she would not be able to come over tonight, but could come in the morning before 9 to get her stuff and the cat. This is now a pattern of hers, makes plans and then changes them last minute and thinks I should just be OK with it and wait around for her.

Of course I'm not going to do this, only question I have is, should I send her an email telling her "Sorry I've made plans and will not be here at that time" or just say nothing and not be here when when she shows up?


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

dscl said:


> *"Sorry I've made plans and will not be here at that time" *or just say nothing and not be here when when she shows up?


I'd go with that. And I'd send it at 2 am.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Throw her sh!t outside, lock the house and go have fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

dscl said:


> So STBSW was suppose to come over today to get some of her stuff and her cat. Sent me a email telling me she would be her around 8. Got another email around 9 telling me she got tied up getting things ready for DD at her apt and she would not be able to come over tonight, but could come in the morning before 9 to get her stuff and the cat. This is now a pattern of hers, makes plans and then changes them last minute and thinks I should just be OK with it and wait around for her.
> 
> Of course I'm not going to do this, only question I have is, should I send her an email telling her "Sorry I've made plans and will not be here at that time" or just say nothing and not be here when when she shows up?


I'd let her show up and be somewhere else, then text her an hour later and say the exact same thing she told you.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

I do feel sorry for the cat, though.


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## dscl (Aug 3, 2012)

So sent her the email this morning telling her I had plans at that time, and within the hour she replies back with:

"Give me another time since I can't take him when I pick up DD"

Pickup of DD is at 5PM today, and me and her will be out most of the day, probably till about 3 or 3:30. I've let STBXW that I would not be here all of next week so she knows she needs to get the cat today. Going to mail her back later and let her know that she can either pick up the cat at 3 or I will be bringing her with me when I drop off DD.

ETA: I'm not being a hard a** and this is not about the cat, I'm just tired of her changing plans at her whim and expecting that I will change my day around to fit her needs.


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## dgtal (Jun 11, 2010)

what about exposi g to the pos omw? 
i cant believe it. Go and knock their front door and handle her evidences
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

dscl said:


> So sent her the email this morning telling her I had plans at that time, and within the hour she replies back with:
> 
> "Give me another time since I can't take him when I pick up DD"
> 
> ...



Give her a a time and cancel it a couple of hours before she starts. Repeat this a few times. Yeah, I'm immature like that.


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

Take that week to get out and enjoy yourself. Do you have any roadtrips you've been wanting to take?


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Update?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

Hope you're doing well.


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