# Need honest advise, no matter the hurt



## lthaver (Dec 13, 2012)

I am a 29 year old who has just now allowed myself to start the process of fixing my biggest flaw. I have commited to going to a 12 step group called Celebrate Recovery, because i have been directed there by our MC. I am truly commited for the first time in 5 years to stop the cycle of pain in those around me, and myself.

The Story...

My wife and i dated for about a year and change before getting married. I got cold feet about two weeks before the marriage, and left, only to return that night. She took me back, and i believe that is the point that i stopped trying to be better. I have been destructivly selfish, and refused to confront it during the duration of our marriage. We have been ready to divorce around 5 times, most of wich has been in the last year. I have done some very bad things, including embezeling $3000.00 to eat out every day, and buy things i wanted, but were not viable at the time, i have lied repeatedly to keep my selfishness a secret, i have emotionally cheated on her for about a year-two year period, and have denied her time and help around the home to do for herself, let alone doing anything for her. 

As i have said, i am fully commited to doing what needs to be done before i destroy her life completely, or that of our 2 boys (2 &4 years old). I wanted to know from your standpoint, if there would be much if any chance of any level of forgiveness.
This is a step that i can not concieve of forgiving myself, but dont know what to quite do. I want to know how to deal with my feelings and hurt, without bringing her into it only to hurt more. i am writing a forgiveness letter right now where i ask her to forgive me for all of the things i have done, but i am having trouble even meeting her eyes after writing in it. I need help, and opinions. Please


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

celebrate Recovery is a great program and I hope that you get the help that you need 

One foot in front of the other 

Good Luck


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

First, and I hope I'm not stepping on the teachings of your program. If I am, ignore me because you need to be 100% into that program.

What I'd do is be 100% honest. Hand the letter to her and say "After writing this, I'm having trouble feeling worthy enough to look you in the eyes. I don't feel worthy of you and I'm incredibly lucky that you're still willing to give me the opportunity to earn your forgiveness. I'm not looking for you to just give me a blanket pass, but I want to deal with each individual issue. I hope some day that I can earn your forgiveness of me on each one."

Recognize, you can't be forgiven instantly, it's going to take time to earn it. And you are going to have to do it on each issue.

Good luck. I truly hope things work out for you.


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