# My husband hates me or i hate him.



## pagli (Nov 18, 2011)

I got married 1 & 1/2 yrs back and i was really happy about about my marriage because i like the looks of my hubby and i get fascinated everytime i look at him.He also like my looks. So there is something common between us like listening to same kind of music and watching movies etc.We have got baby together and she is 7months now.My mother also came from overseas to join us and to help me out with everything.

But things have changed so much.My husband changed completely since i got the baby.He has stopped helping me in the household stuff and with the baby.He come home from work and doesn't talk and don't even look at the baby.He looks for a reason to fight.He has started drinking and smoking and eating meat but before he was a non-smoker and vegetarian ( *he has a family history of alcoholism like father and uncles etc but his brother doesn't drink & is very caring for his wife and kid*).He has started controlling me in different ways. I am on maternity leave for few months so i stay home these days.He has started checking my mobiles for incomings and outgoings even though i don't do stuff like that calling people or boys and also checking bank transactions even though i don't spend any money as im a stingy person that everybody knows that in my family and his.I don't go anywhere .

I think he does this to make me upset.My mum is very upset to see his behavior and carelessness.He come home after work & watch porn on computer so there is no communication between us.My baby is not getting any love from her dad. 

He also does few things to make me upset like spitting chewing gum in the toilets and shave in wash basin and has blocked the wash basin completely.He doesn't clean or give a hand in household things.But he wants *sex* from me all the time so he is too much into sex but otherwise he doesn't live like a family member.I don't like to have sex nowdays after seeing him changed so much.I don't even want to be kissed by him anymore .

I don't know if he hates me or wants to get rid of me? I have tried to talk to him on numerous occasions and mum alos tried to talk but it's waste of time.I own a house and work full time s i can survive without him.But i still like him but can't live the way he is treating me now. He has also let me down in front of his family.He lies about me to give them bad impression of me to his family.He never praised me for anything.I am really hard working woman who has built a house before marriage and own everything and has good job but he doesn't appreciate anything but finds faults and negative about my personality.

He is very attached to his mum and his brother's kid though so he knows how to love people.I have started hating me and can't stand his behavior anymore and gave him ultimatum. But he is not trying things to work out yet.He has no feelings for his child as well.And this really makes me upset.

I asked him if he wants divorce he said *nope* .He doesn't respect me in anyway.There is no understanding between us.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You were happy about the marriage because you like how he looks? Wow. That's it?

I couldn't read anymore...use paragraphs.


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## OutOfTheBlue (Nov 4, 2011)

How long did you know your husband before you married him? 

It sounds like you have only recently met.


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## pagli (Nov 18, 2011)

Thanks 4 the advise!


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## mostlovedhubby (Nov 19, 2011)

He doesn't hate you. He doesn't even know that his behavior is pathetic. He is simply thinking that he is still a super-cool handsome stud, and he is still expecting you to adore him the way you did before you met. Time to wake him up in a firm, but good mannered way - if you can pull it off.
Think of it this way: why does he lie to his family members about you? It may sound crazy, but there is a good chance that he is imagining that you are brainwashing his relatives against him. Is there any female relative of his who is playing a double game? Is there someone projecting to him secretly that he is right and that you are a woman who doesn’t deserve him? It’s possible. Just ask him once whether he is hearing something about you from a third person which is making him think that you are his enemy. I have seen such scenarios. Happens in real life, which is not too different from the saas-bahu serials we see on Television. So maybe he thinks he is taking some form of revenge or trying to show you how wrong it is. He is doing this out of confusion. He is not getting a grip on reality, and he thinks he is some great hero victimized by a woman who is just trying to pull him down.
Another thing you need to consider: Is he really popular in social circles even now? Do other women see him as a good husband material and are there women outside trying to make him feel like a hero just to trap him for themselves? That may be causing an inflated sense of ego in him, making him think that he is still the Don or some such arrogant thoughts. If that is the case, you should deal with this very delicately. Maybe you can ask for your mom’s help in looking after your baby, and try making him feel assured that you still find him adorable and great. Try complementing him, or maybe tell him that he is still very desirable to you, even if it feels really bad to say such things to one’s own husband who doesn’t bother to show that he cares. But it needs to be done. I’m really sorry if it sounds like too much, but that’s where the solution starts. Once he starts believing that you also value him (according to his own imaginary self-image), then you can slowly bring him on the right track. But if you try to make him realize it before he feels that you also value him as much as other people do, he will simply conclude that you are jealous of him, and things will get even worse.
He probably means it when he says he doesn’t want to leave you. But he is thinking that you are trying to ruin his life in some way. That is why he is behaving like this.
I feel really sorry for your situation, sister. I can imagine how difficult it must be for you. But I assure you that if you can swallow your hurt for the time-being and get some help from your mom and stuff, and take the effort to make your husband feel that you find him heroic and desirable as ever, this problem will get fixed. He will even start helping you with household chores once again, and take my word for it: once he starts believing that you see him as your hero (even though as of now he is actually behaving like an anti-hero), if he starts trusting that he is the good super guy in your eyes, he will actually start treating you like his heroine. Try it and see for yourself.
If it doesn’t work, then it means that you married the wrong guy. You must leave him. There is really nothing else to do in the marriage.
I wish you all the best. And I do feel that things will turn out well for you if you follow the advice I have offered here, with a bit of extra patience and large heartedness. Give it a last shot in the way I mentioned, if it fails, then at least you will never regret that maybe there was a chance..


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