# Just had a talk with husband



## GlowingMoon (Aug 22, 2011)

My husband and I just had a long talk. It was one of the saddest talks we’ve ever had. 
To sum it up, my husband pretty much is unhappy with his life and at same time, he’s sad over Todd, his brother’s death that happened bit less a year ago. Also my husband is still jealous of his brother over so many things.

One thing that seems to really haunt him is the fact I met him through Todd. I was seeing Todd for a short time, but I and my husband click really well, so I end up with him for good.
This bothers my husband great deal because I was his brother’s last known girlfriend and Todd have lose a girlfriend to a good friend not long before and was always joked by everybody about being “second best” because he always seems to be promising choice for girl but never got picked.
Because of this, lot people consider me as his last effort at a normal life and after that he just seems to lose his mind. 

After that, he applied for special force and got in it and was in it for a while. This bothers my husband as well because my husband was in the army as well and despite of wanting a respectable combat job, he cannot hack it at all and ended up doing mostly desk work instead. 
During his whole military career, he and my husband have a very awkward relationship and wasn’t even really on good term either. My husband was bitter about his brother’s military career while his brother was bitter about how my husband took me and made fun of him for being “second best”
My husband keep saying if he’d have just waited for me to leave him as we both knew I’d have instead of take me, Todd most likely wouldn’t have went into special force because he was actually desperately seeking out to prove himself to be better at something and a way to get away from civilian world so he don’t have to face loneliness of not having anyone there for him and out of fear that he’s never good enough for anybody.

Other thing that bothers him is, when their grandfather passed away, his brother and he each got nearly $400K inheritance. 
My husband tried very hard to make our life better. We did so many things such as buy new large house, motorhome, new cars and SUV, and other things. My husband even left a very well-paying job twice because the business he started was taking off very successfully before crashing.
Now he’s making way less than he have since we first got together. So we’re stuck in a big debt and have to live check to check even after cutting so much corners and changing our lifestyle. 

Now he keep says his life is a joke compare to Todd because he’s just somebody who merely exist to pay debt and for things he doesn’t want. He keep say he wish we never bought all that things or start his own business since we could have just bought a modest decent house and that if we did this, we’d still be living a decent life by now. 
He also says if someone was to read a book on both of their life, Todd’s life would seems great to many and he die a honorable death that he desired and die on a good term with life. While my husband’s life just seems dull and pathetic.

This is just so painful. I know my husband is really saddened by his brother’s death and how he never step up and apologize about how he treated him. He’s also really unhappy with life in general because he feels like there’s no real way to enjoy life due to being overwhelmed with work and living check to check. 
I also feel really horrible about the whole thing. I just wish I could go back in the time and somehow end the whole thing with his brother on better term instead first before going for my husband

Any suggest or advice would be incredibly helpful.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Glowing, welcome to the TAM forum. It sounds like your H is suffering from depression which is distorting his perception -- which is exactly what depression does. Yes, he did some selfish and stupid things and likely should have apologized for them at the time. Yet, all of us do such things when we are young. Depression, however, blows things way out of proportion. 

I therefore suggest that he see a clinical psychologist to get evaluated. The psych will refer him to a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds to help with the depression, which is usually treated very successfully with meds in 80% of sufferers. Given that nearly a year has passed since his B's death, the depression is so persistent that he really should be seeing a professional. There is no good reason for him to be suffering so badly.


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