# Sep agreement



## mergatroid (May 29, 2012)

We will be negotiating soon. I have a feeling that we'll be way off of what we each want and expect. Is it wise to keep working at an agreement if we're so far apart? I'll have the option of filing on adultery grounds and wanting primary custody, and I'm contemplating just filing and getting everything in the open so she'd be more inclined to agree with my terms more than hers.

Any advice or if this could bite me in the butt?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Where do you live? I don't know of anywhere in the US where you can file on adultery grounds.

And yes, a successful compromise leaves both parties feeling screwed. That's kind of the definition.


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## mergatroid (May 29, 2012)

I read there's 12 states that still allow it, but all are now no-fault, as well. It'd be a costly option, but hopefully she'd settle well before it went to trial, well that's my thinking at least.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Ex and I will be sitting down tomorrow evening to try and discuss the agreement. First part is about the kids, I am currently writing out my wants / expecations and a possible shared custody calender.

Hoping we can settle this outside of the court, good luck on your end!


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Merga,
VA has adultery as a fault ground. You need to say what state you are in so we know if you are a fault/no fault state or a strict no fault state. Even in states where adultery can be used as a ground, you pretty much have to have a porno style video with them having sex to use it as adultery grounds. Your best bet is to not waste the money and time in court. If you can come to a reasonable agreement on your own that would be best. If not then try mediation before litigation. If you have the above mentioned evidence you may have some bargaining power but if your wife is smart or has a good attorney it isn't going to matter. Right now you should be concerned with how you will:
1. Share custody of kids.
2. Who pays who child support.
3. What is the difference in incomes for possible (but immoral) spousal support.
4. How will you divide property and split up reitirement pensions, etc.

The court most likely won't care about what you and her have done. They just want to know if you can agree and if not, then the guy/gal in the funny black robe decides what your agreement is. Since you are the male in this, don't expect a good outcome going this route. Good luck.


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