# Vent about "support" people



## ridel1171 (Oct 21, 2012)

I don't know if this is the right place for this vent but I'll just dump it here for the time being.

Seriously I am so angry and upset that people who are supposed to be there for me are making my life even more stressful at the moment.

It's only 10 days since my husband announced he loves someone else and I have had a complete breakdown. Normally I am the in control person who helps everyone through their problems and now, when I need people they are being so selfish it's unbelievable to me.

My so called best friend is very high strung and I've always helped her through many problems in her life. Her reaction when I told her what had happened was anger to the point that it drove me to a panic attack. She kept insisting I find out who she was even though I told her repeatedly I didn't want to know anything more about her.

She totally ignored my request and went on a witch hunt to find out who the OW is (because in her words she needs to hate her) even though it was none of her business. Others are saying she meant well, but honestly, I just think she wanted drama so went and created it. When I told her I was upset about what she'd done she acted like she'd done nothing wrong and now I haven't heard from her for two days! I just feel like, thanks for nothing. Thanks for adding to my stress at the worst time in my life and making it all about you!

Then, another supposed good friend who I work with keeps texting me to say how terrible work is and how I better come back next week or she'll have a nervous breakdown from the stress. I just can't believe the selfishness of these people that I've given so much to over the years.

Anyway, I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow to talk about my apparent bad judgement of people in general and how to work through these disappointments. Honestly, I have never felt so vulnerable in my life and I just want to be focus for myself for a little while. Surely that's not too much to ask??


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

In times of despair and turmoil, you find out who your real friends are.

These are not them.

 Sorry you are experiencing this. But...they all sound very selfish and as if they were using you to be their rock.


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

Sorry you're going through this. I had a similar experience and I'm so mad at myself for talking to anyone. I should've bottled It up and exploded I guess. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.


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## ridel1171 (Oct 21, 2012)

Had a good talk to my psychologist about this today and that helped a lot. She's getting me to focus on the people who are supporting me and to try and distance myself from the people who aren't. 

I'm so grateful for real friends.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I'm glad you recognized these toxic friends ahead of time before they drove you up the walls. The friend wanting to know who the OW is means well, but to be perfectly honest the OW doesn't even matter. 

As far as you're concernd she's just a kiss ass who tells your husband whatever he wants in order to make him feel good and further shelter him from the real life. The fact that he's "in love" with her just goes to show you how inslaved he is to his irrational feelings and desires the feel-good high of what you would call romance (inafuation). 

The other friend wanting you back at work is for lack of a better word "a baby" who needs someone there to spoon feed her feel good lines and nurish her parasitic need for your attention. Get rid of this one and don't look back!

I'm not going to entertain ideas of reconciliation until you take a few months off (venting and sharing your story here along the way of course) and deprogram from your marriage. Take time to assess whether your husband is one of the waywards worthy of a second chance such as the husband who still show concern and are still there for the kids, or if he's a lost cause...... a d!ckhead in this relationship and any others in the future. Don't make the decision now, let's see how you feel in 90 days. 

I will tell you ahead of time that his affair, now that you know about it and won't nurture it, stands about a 3 in 4300 chance of lasting long enough for them to walk down the alter. Most likely, if he's like lot of other male cheaters out there, he's going to run to her and move the relationship at bullet-train speed until she get's sick of him and they break up...... usually without the wife giving him ammo to complain about they fight like normal couples and the whole honeymoon romance ends completely 2-12 months later. There are some tricks I can tell you about later but let's think about that around January.


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## Anenome (Nov 3, 2012)

Sadly, I'm having a similar experience. I think I've always been strong and in control and been there for others, so now that I am in need of support, they all just think I am strong and can handle it on my own. Friends and family seem to be only giving my divorce a passing glance while continuing to ask me for favors, going on and on about their own problems, going on about their business, etc. They are all clearly only interested in having me around as someone to use as support for themselves. It has been very eye opening for me. I'm not sure why I've chosen these types of people to be close to, but the common theme has become so clear. They are all needy, selfish, and unsympathetic. Such a huge let down as I thought I had built up some really good karma by being so supportive of them through their various crises. So on top of losing my husband and my marriage, I get to realize that I also don't have any true friends.


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