# I can't even



## NearlySoulless (Sep 24, 2018)

NaN


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

It sounds to me like that bridge is burned. If i were you, I'd wrap up the divorce and move on. Focus on getting your life in order. Learn to be a successful you before you get involved with anyone else.


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## NearlySoulless (Sep 24, 2018)

The maddening thing is that I was a successful me before her. Is everyone always so quick to just throw everything out when it comes to this kind of thing? 

If this is the case, I will never seek a LTR ever again. It's not worth it. No one will invest time or energy into anything except themselves anymore.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

NearlySoulless said:


> The maddening thing is that I was a successful me before her. Is everyone always so quick to just throw everything out when it comes to this kind of thing?
> 
> If this is the case, I will never seek a LTR ever again. It's not worth it. No one will invest time or energy into anything except themselves anymore.


You spent a lot of time and energy explaining your life situation to us. Thank you.

In my opinion, you are in this for better or worse, but your wife is not. I agree with FalCod that this marriage is over.

Furthermore:

*x.....I am crushed. I've tried suicide and failed. I've tried communication and failed. The divorce that she "promised" she would pursue hasn't happened. I haven't been served anything. We're technically still married, and because of our state's no-fault status, ......

I've printed off the divorce paperwork myself, and I started to fill it out, but it's all so very overwhelming still.

Should I just do everything I can to move on? Is this even worth saving? Am I missing something bigger? Everyone I talk to is just taken aback that a 10 year relationship would go like this. Obvious mental stuff aside with myself, I know she's not seeing a counselor, I know that her family has been directly involved with some of her thinking, and I know... that I am probably posting this in vain, but I'm a geek, and I always try to look at every possible option before I make a decision.

I'm to the point now where i'm not crying every day on my way to work (which is another city away, 45 minute drive minimum one way) and I work late (at work typing this now...)

I am so lost. The autism makes some of this harder because I've already got a lacking in some social skills I know, but I am... unsure what to make of this.

Sorry if this is a mess, tried to keep it as a flowing thought, but I know I'm still affected by it, so if anyone wants to jump in and ask about something I didn't do a good job with, I'll answer best I can.

I'm 37, she's 33, if it helps. *

You are overwhelmed. Too many folks/friends are giving you advice and now the same will happen here.
You need to take care of your mental and physical health. You invested a lot of time and effort in your marriage. Now start investing that time in areas where you may think you need help. 

Was your suicide attempt a real desire to die? an attempt to escape the pain? an attempt to get help? Taking care of this issue is of primary importance--all else will follow. Do what your doctors suggest. Do you exercise, eat correctly, meditate, seek peaceful places to relieve your mind? There are several famous, successful folks with autism, anxiety, etc. You can do this.....


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I think you need to get with a lawyer ASAP, get her off all of your beneficiaries, etc., and get your finances completely separated. You need to protect YOU.

I have a bad feeling that things were happening with her BEFORE you confessed about the cat -- she was already clearly pulling away, and the cat incident was just way for her to make all of this look to be YOUR fault. The image you had of your wife is CLEARLY not who she really is -- now, you see her for the nasty person she really is.

This is NOT all your fault, no matter what she says. Sounds like a lot of what she vented (sex, etc.) was meant to a) make HER look better (oh, I put up with this for SOOOOO long...) and b) meant to intentionally hurt you.

Get YOUR plan together, stop waiting for HER to do the divorce, and get on with your life. Put this hurtful person in your past.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

NearlySoulless said:


> The maddening thing is that I was a successful me before her. Is everyone always so quick to just throw everything out when it comes to this kind of thing?
> 
> If this is the case, I will never seek a LTR ever again. It's not worth it. No one will invest time or energy into anything except themselves anymore.


Listen, you have attempted Suicide, had horrible depression, lost your jobs, been ruined financially, and on and on... What do you want her to do, shoot you in the head? 

How many relationships have you had? Did you think that ANYTHING that was going on with this woman was normal? Did you think this is how it is supposed to be? 

What do you have to even though away? 

Dude, you need to get yourself together and get away from this woman and her crazy family. 

I mean, you see that, right?


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## NearlySoulless (Sep 24, 2018)

Thanks, and yes... I do see it. So many family and some friends wanted me to fight for her, to keep her, but yes, the suicide attempt, the uptick in depression... clearly not a good situation. 

I wanted outside perspective to be free from the inner circle and I got it, thanks.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Do not leave us yet, please. Let us accompany you on your journey as you tackle your future. May you find peace......


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@NearlySoulless I read your post before you deleted it, but didn't have time to respond until now.

As @sunsetmist has written, I hope you won't leave and will continue to post... you will get solid advice here on TAM, and as you said, we are outsiders to the whole situation, so we can offer unbiased input.

From your post, it sounds like your wife has very little regard for your needs or what is best for you. She appears very self-involved and selfish, and in that respect is not a good relationship partner. It's clear that this relationship--and the living situation, with her family being fairly dependent on you--is not good for your emotional and psychological well-being. I think you would be better off without this woman.

I would disregard the friends who are telling you to "fight for her, man!" They don't fully understand the dynamics as you have clearly laid them out here, and they are also likely buying into some pop-cultural and societal relationship fallacies frequently promoted in popular film and TV, in which the guy always has to fight to win back the girl. She may want you to fight to get her back, but if she does, that's about her wanting to boost her own ego rather than her wanting to be with you, and she may also see that as an opportunity to further squash you. And your friends want to see you with someone, which is what friends do, because they care about you... but they also sometimes fail to see when a relationship is bad for you, because they aren't in it to see that part. They have the best of intentions, but that doesn't mean they are right.

I recommend walking away. Consult a lawyer, and try to keep things amicable as you can, but don't let her steamroll you, either. A contentious, antagonistic divorce isn't good for anyone. You said you were better alone before her. You will be better alone without her. You just need to get through all of this to get there.


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