# H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Guys, I have a question about female "personal grooming" that I would like some insight about...

I'm dark-haired with fair skin. A while ago I started getting my upper lip waxed. Previously I just used to tweeze hairs away but it was too much work so I started getting it waxed at a salon along with a couple of other areas where I felt conscious of the hair being noticeable.

My H didn't say anything at first. He knew I was going and asked what I was having done. I told him. After the second time he commented that I really didn't need to get it done. I said I felt better getting it done more thoroughly and I didn't like having noticeable hair there.

Well every time since, he has said how I don't need to get it done. He almost seems bothered that I am going to some effort to take care of my looks in this way.

I am not usually one for salon treatments at all so in a way it is something different for me. I thought he would be pleased that I wanted to look good but it seems to bother him.

A couple of things have crossed my mind. First, I have wondered if he may be thinks I am getting it done for other reasons (ie to attract other male attention.) Second is he had a flirtation with a co-worker a few months ago now which quite upset me and my esteem plummeted and I wonder if he sees me doing stuff like this and feels guilty (I know he feels bad about it) seeing me making more efforts to appear desirable.

Or may be something else. Anythoughts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

projection- he probably improved his grooming to attract that co-worker and figures you are doing the same


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Ok I'll ask. What are the "a couple of other areas" you're getting done?


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Have you asked him directly why the problem with you going?

If my wife says she has something that makes her self conscious, the discussion ends on my side.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

If my wife started out of the blue getting her sweet deserts proffessionally groomed I would definitely be on red alert.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

The couple of other areas? My belly from the bellybutton down I have a line of dark hair, and some downy but dark hair on my chest. Not a lot really but enough for me to notice.

Projection is an interesting one, hadn't thought of it that way around.

I've said to him, why do you seem bothered, you don't want a mustachioed wife do you?! He just says you cannot notice it. He has always said that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

I know it sounds strange, but some partners don't want their partner to do anything "extra" to themselves to make them more attractive. In case you then become more attractive to the other sex and that's a threat. My friends husband hated her dying her hair blond because "other blokes like it and you're mine". Insecurity.

I'm not sure if that's it in your case, as it's more just the things he would notice, but he might be thinking you're going to get more things done at the salon, do yourself up a bit. It's new and out of character. If he's feeling guilty over an EA or flirting he may worry you could get up to something too (paranoid).

Just another idea. I'm guessing the fact it's something new for you and relates to your looks it's sending warning bells off in his head and making him uncomfortable.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Could be fear - he flirted with another woman, now he fears that he can't really have a leg to stand for getting hurt if you do it too.

Also, it could be his way of telling you that you are beautiful as you are. My wife and I are very close in age, but aging very differently. I hated the pressure that she put herself under, but learned that she was really doing things just as much for herself.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Is there a reason you don't take his words at face value - he really doesn't notice the hair and doesn't think you need to do it, certainly not on his behalf?

If you think there's more to it and he is actually bothered by it, could it be the cost? I don't know how much waxing costs, but if you do it often, maybe he's worried about that?

Otherwise, I agree with the others. He is probably concerned _why _his wife is suddenly getting things waxed when 1) it's a change in your behavior and 2) it's not necessary (in his mind). 

You should just ask him if it bothers him since you are getting the impression that it does and want to understand his thoughts about it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

norajane said:


> Is there a reason you don't take his words at face value


i have found that women have a hard time with this.
they always seem to think there is some hidden meaning to everything that you are not telling them.


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## LaxUF (Feb 13, 2012)

Not a guy but from a female perspective... hair removal/maintenance is not only performed for comfort, hygiene but also for self esteem. 

Sorry but if *anyone* (male or female) told me they didn't want me to wax (or do anything to my body to improve my appearance, self-esteem or comfort)... I'd have a HUGE issue with that... and my eyebrows (pardon the pun) would absolutely be raised at their reason or motivation for not wanting me to take care of myself.

Sounds to me like this goes way deeper than hair removal.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Maybe he doesn't like the bald girls down there. Maybe he likes a little thatch.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Maybe he doesn't like the bald girls down there. Maybe he likes a little thatch.


Old school 70's look huh? Grab the machete, we're going on an expedition!


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## Headache2011 (Feb 9, 2011)

If my wife did it I'd be a lil concerned but I'd ask her to explain her reasons for it and if it's makes sense to me and if it makes her feel better about herself then I'm ok with that. Hell I wouldn't mind if she actually did get it done.


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## itgetsbetter (Mar 1, 2012)

If he's like my ex-husband, it would only be because he didn't want me to spend money on it. I'm a very thrifty person, but God forbid if I wanted to get my nails done. It was for no other reason than being a cheap @#$!&$# Your mileage may vary


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

So many possibilities, many already discussed on here. Perhaps its the cost, or maybe you get pimples or ingrowns he doesn't like, or maybe he thinks it hurts you more to kiss you without your own hair to protect against his stubble, or maybe he just doesn't like talking about female beauty maintenance, maybe he doesn't want you to look better than him, maybe he just likes the way your hair feels, maybe he likes hairy women and on and on... Ask him, if he tells you then you got your answer and if he doesn't answer then just do what you would like to do.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> Old school 70's look huh? Grab the machete, we're going on an expedition!


Maybe just a little? I'm not turned on by the under 12 year old look for instance.


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## The_Swan (Nov 20, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Maybe just a little? I'm not turned on by the under 12 year old look for instance.


Yeah, that's what my husband said the one and only time I got my area waxed. Now I just trim and that's fine. 
There is no right or wrong answer - it's all personal preference. 

OP, talk with your husband. It sounds like he's insecure and there is more behind this than hair removal.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I think if your husband doesn't want facial hair waxed, I'm guessing he might be insecure. Not a good reason at all. Or maybe he is saying what he thinks you want to hear.

As for the girls parts getting waxed, I personally prefer the natural look. I think it is more "womanly" as opposed to looking like a little girl.

However, I don't have a strong preference and what I would want most is for my wife is to think of herself as sexy. However, some men have a preference for either hairy or hairless that borders on a fetish so YMMV.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

walkingwounded said:


> Guys, I have a question about female "personal grooming" that I would like some insight about...
> 
> I'm dark-haired with fair skin. A while ago I started getting my upper lip waxed. Previously I just used to tweeze hairs away but it was too much work so I started getting it waxed at a salon along with a couple of other areas where I felt conscious of the hair being noticeable.
> 
> ...


Just a thought...

You probably always had a little fuzz on your lip, right? I know a girl (I should say woman) who started doing this... and the odd thing was... that it was so noticable, that because of her new naked lip... she looked like she had shaved. It seemed very wierd looking to me initially. Like when a guy shaves off his moustache. (Sorry! I dont mean to imply you have a moustache!)

Maybe it is just the sudden change in the look? If you keep up with it maybe the strangeness of it will abate if that is part of the issue. At least when you wax (or pluck) any hair that comes back will be relatively fine textured.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This may be totally different but you know what this reminds me of? About a year ago my wife went and had her hair cut. Now she has had short hair before and I've told her many times that I love it when her hair is long. She had actually been growing it out for me. Then without saying anything she goes and gets it cut. Like really short.

Let me tell you, I was so pissed about it. I know it was completely irrational but I really felt like she knew I wouldn't like it and did it to make herself less attractive to me. She of course wasn't impressed that I didn't like it. Eventually I got over it. Like I said, my anger was irrational. It had nothing to do with her hair and everything to do with the fact that I had mentioned my preference so many times. What was going through my head? If you're trying to attract attention then you should be trying to attract ME. So why do something that you know I'll hate?

So let me ask you, if he was attracted to you the way you were, then why did you feel compelled to change even though he specifically said you didn't need it? To me that feels like a pretty alpha move on your part. Are you trying to change the power balance of your relationship?


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

Hehe OK!

A couple of points... I wasn't going to share details but he asked so I told.

I've allways kept my upper lip in check so I haven't been walking round with a moustache then suddenly whipped it off! I liked to get rid but felt tweezing was too time consuming and difficult to keep up with. I have allways been conscious of it since my teens so want to keep taming it!

I haven't had my girls bits waxed! They are not an issue. It is a strip down from my belly button to my bikini area and a bit of fuzz on my chest. I gather these are hormonal as I haven't allways had them but the belly hairs were getting too coarse for my liking.

I understand he thinks I am going to too much trouble for him. That I don't *need* to wax for him to find me attractive. However *I* prefer getting the waxing done as I feel it looks better sans hair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> So let me ask you, if he was attracted to you the way you were, then why did you feel compelled to change even though he specifically said you didn't need it? To me that feels like a pretty alpha move on your part. Are you trying to change the power balance of your relationship?


It's a self-confidence thing, and a self-conscious thing, not a power balance thing at all. 

No woman wants to look in the mirror and see a mustache. So if she does whatever she does to make it go away, she feels better about herself and less self-conscious about what she perceives is unattractive. It isn't about what her husband thinks about extra hair; it's about what she thinks of _herself _and how she wants to look in order to feel good about her appearance.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

norajane said:


> It's a self-confidence thing, and a self-conscious thing, not a power balance thing at all.
> 
> No woman wants to look in the mirror and see a mustache. So if she does whatever she does to make it go away, she feels better about herself and less self-conscious about what she perceives is unattractive. It isn't about what her husband thinks about extra hair; it's about what she thinks of _herself _and how she wants to look in order to feel good about her appearance.


That’s fair enough. And it’s good to be with a woman who takes care of her appearance and who likes her appearance although I don’t believe they ever get there 100% as they are their own worse critics!

But from the H’s perspective it is a change in his wife’s behaviour and will give him cause for concern. And when he asks something like “Why now?” depending on the answer he gets his mind will either be put at rest or he’ll start to feel insecure in the relationship. This latter response is obviously not good and his wife should do all she can to settle his mind to the point that he again feels secure in the marriage.


But WW’s case is exceedingly different for two reasons. First off her H had an emotional affair for four weeks so he’ll likely be doing a bit of projecting. Projecting his own past behaviour onto his wife as in “Is she having an affair?”. So that alone will make him feel insecure, deserved or not.

But all this is compounded by the fact that WW has the hots for two men, a guy she works with and her personal trainer. And yet again that will have resulted in new and different behaviour from WW that her H will have undoubtedly picked up on even if only at the subconscious level and not the conscious level. In either case it will give him a feeling of insecurity.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> This may be totally different but you know what this reminds me of? About a year ago my wife went and had her hair cut. Now she has had short hair before and I've told her many times that I love it when her hair is long. She had actually been growing it out for me. Then without saying anything she goes and gets it cut. Like really short.
> 
> Let me tell you, I was so pissed about it. I know it was completely irrational but I really felt like she knew I wouldn't like it and did it to make herself less attractive to me. She of course wasn't impressed that I didn't like it. Eventually I got over it. Like I said, my anger was irrational. It had nothing to do with her hair and everything to do with the fact that I had mentioned my preference so many times. What was going through my head? If you're trying to attract attention then you should be trying to attract ME. So why do something that you know I'll hate?
> 
> So let me ask you, if he was attracted to you the way you were, then why did you feel compelled to change even though he specifically said you didn't need it? To me that feels like a pretty alpha move on your part. Are you trying to change the power balance of your relationship?


How about a woman can do whatever SHE wants to make HER feel good. I hate that woman grow their hair for a man or in the OP's case, not wax for him. FWIW, I have long hair and I do it for me, not my husband.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

My wife does do things for me and I love her for it.
No doubt she does things for her own sake as well but that is fine. I don't think a woman is less of a woman because she tries to please her husband. I undersand the resentment for men who go way overboard.

I think when we stop caring about pleasing each other much of the time there are likely bigger issues. 

So if a wife grows her hair to please her husband ... that is bad? Is it bad for the husband to do things to please his wife he might not otherwise do?

Why would we hate to see another do something special for their spouse? It s just a way to express thier love and meet theor partners needs. It is not them losing their identity.


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