# Am i just jealous?!



## Anaththeanswer (Oct 4, 2007)

Hey everyone this is my first post here and i thought i would look to some others just for advice. Ok I am currently up at Purdue University studying in business management and my fiance is down in kentucky going to farrier school. (school for shoeing horses) I usually pay her to come up here everyother weekend because she is using our only vehicle and i dont need a vehicle at the moment since i am living in the dorms. But let me get to whats going on.

She is a very outgoing and fun person just like i am. But when i call to talk to her and stuff she usually talks about how there are a bunch of guys always picking on her and her spitting stuff right back to them. I am not talking about the mean picking on but like the be mean to the person i like kind of flirting. Well anyways she called me last night and she told me that earlier that day two guys wrestled with her and tried to tie her up. Now i felt uncomfortable about it and i told her that it was bothering me that she wrestles around with other guys and allows other guys to wrestle with her in a flirting manor like that. Well she got really mad at me and said that i am just really jealous and all that stuff and it was trying to tell her that i wasnt jealous that it just bothered me and i was just trying to let her know cuz everyone says the best thing in a relationship is communication. Well it got heated up and she said **** you to me and stuff. And i was totally blown away that she would say that stuff to me. 

I didnt think it was that big of a deal cuz i would do anything for her if she ever asked me to and i do everything for her it seems like. Well anyways i was just wondering if i am just being a jealous boyfriend or what i did was right? Anyways any help would be appreciated! Thanks!


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

There are some obvious insecurities. You want to trust her, but then again, your gut says something else. Communication is going to be key if you want to make things work.


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## Anaththeanswer (Oct 4, 2007)

well it seems like everytime i try to talk to her about something and she doesnt like what i have to say she wont just calmly talk to me about it she gets really pissed off and just calls me crazy jealous and stuff like that.


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## kajira (Oct 4, 2007)

For years, my husband acted the same way, when I would discuss him some of the situations/perosn that I was uncomfortable with and was made to feel pyscho, crazy etc. Well I found out last week those feelings were justified. He had an affair for 4.5 years....becareful. I don't want to disillusion you or be negative, if you love her there has to be hope.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Long distant relationships are hard. Sometimes to hard. If she doesn't except you being truthful or openly communicating then I suggest you move on to someone more mature and closer to what you want/need in life.

Ask yourself this can you deal with this for the rest of your life?

In the end it is for you to decide what is best for you.

draconis


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## Anaththeanswer (Oct 4, 2007)

yea its the only prob that i have though and it seems like thats the only thing we fight about. so.....is it me?


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It's both of you neither wants to take the responciblity for what is exceptable. She is going over the line if you were "teaching girls to wrestle" how would she take it? You on the other hand are denying her trust that she will do the right thing. So both are wrong. 

draconis


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## Anaththeanswer (Oct 4, 2007)

update: Well she didnt call me the next day and then i talked to her today and she said that we needed a break. Now when i said i love you to her she wouldnt say it back. I dont know what to do now lol


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Anaththeanswer said:


> update: Well she didnt call me the next day and then i talked to her today and she said that we needed a break. Now when i said i love you to her she wouldnt say it back. I dont know what to do now lol


Well she didnt call me the next day
*Okay you can expect that from a person that thinks you are overbearing or jealous.*

she said that we needed a break
*Then give it to her, and don't call her. Calling her will re-enforce her belief that you are jealous and controlling.*

I dont know what to do now
*Dive into your college work, Give yourself some time and perspective. Don't be afraid to go on light dates or hang with friends. She needs time away from you to decide if she wants you. Any calls will drive her further away unless it is her calling you. Let her make the first step.*

Be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. You are in a long distance relationship which is hard. You are both young. She sounds immature from your post.

Best of luck.

draconis


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## Anaththeanswer (Oct 4, 2007)

thanks i havnt called her any i am just going to let her call me however i did write her a letter but it prob wont get to her in a few days since tomorrow it isnt going anywhere so hopefully she doesnt feel threatened by the letter it basically was me just apologizing i even wrote her a poem so hopefully she likes that.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I would still keep things casual. If she thinks you are over bearing getting letters as opposed to calls may not be the way to go. Though I see nothing wrong with special day letters in cards. Such as Thanksgiving, Christmas or birthdays might be a time to write. Keep the letters breezy. The last thing she wants is to feel pressured right now. If she wants space then she needs space, and time to think. If she is meant to be, or she realizes how great you were for her she will come back to you.

draconis


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## tammi (Oct 8, 2007)

theres a saying that goes like this
if you love something set it free if it comes back its yours
if it doesnt it never was.
you do need to give her time no more letters
or phone calls let her come to you


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

STING 

"If You Love Somebody Set Them Free"

If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don't even think about me

If you love somebody, set them free

If it's a mirror you want, just look into my eyes
Or a whipping boy, someone to despise
Or a prisoner in the dark
Tied up in chains you just can't see
Or a beast in a gilded cage
That's all some people ever want to be

If you love somebody, set them free

You can't control an independent heart
Can't tear the one you love apart
Forever conditioned to believe that we can't live
We can't live here and be happy with less
So many riches, so many souls
Everything we see we want to possess

If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don't even think about me

If you love somebody, set them free


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## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

so what happened?


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