# In need of objective insight.



## Khanie

It’s hard to know exactly where to start.
I joined my husband in U.S just when the covid was about to hit. Being a pharmacist in my home country it was going to be a while to complete the licensing process.
I had intended to get a minimum wage paying job to have a source of income for myself while I worked on getting my license; but my husband wasn’t comfortable with that, because it could make him look bad as he had his own business and was doing really well.
At some point when he stopped me from helping with his business and was just paying me, I tried to get a Pharm technician job but he said to wait as covid was at its peak. I concentrated on trying to meet up with some examinations I had while harboring the guilt of being reminded most of the time of how I make no contributions financially.
Whenever we have an issue instead of concentrating on the said problem he always reminds me of how much he is doing for me or have done for me and I show no appreciation or commitment.
He’s secretive, he lies about the littlest thing, he puts me down with words and sometimes threatens to send me back to my country. All in anger he says.
He never cares to clarify suspicious situations the list goes on.
I was hoping to get my career going before having kids just to make the transition easier, but with COVID-19 my timeline was messed up.
He says he’s taking a chance with me for all he knows I could be taking advantage of him.
He does not like to have conversations about things that can impact our marriage. 
we had an argument about his attitude during my pregnancy anatomical scan, where he told the doctor not to say the gender of the child if it wasn’t a boy.
I was severely uncomfortable, I sent him a message to address it, and expressed my feelings. He wanted a boy because he didn’t want his daughter to feel some type of way. I was hurt, being my first pregnancy, I said I didn’t want my child to come into a situation where it feels like he or she is just a compensation.
He got mad and slapped me across the face. He knew I was going to struggle and he held me down, afterwards I hit him with my slippers and left the house.
Spoke to his brother as I needed to talk to someone, my family and everyone close were all back in my home country, so literally had no one.
I speak to his brother to avoid being bias in my decision. I thought had and felt it was best to talk to a professional as it’s happened before as might only get worse. My mind was in all sort of places like is he really capable of hitting me while pregnant?
Being naive about the judicial system I decided to make a report with the sole intention of preventing future recurrence.
I am a Christian and I believe wholly in values of marriage and submission.
Now we have this whole police case going on, which was escalated by the investigators because I’m pregnant.
He stopped wearing his wedding ring which he’d threatened to stop wearing in the past. He said we would re evaluate our marriage when the whole police case is over. So I sat still and kept taking the blame for the whole police mess while he revisits it countlessly.
At some point I stopped wearing my ring as well. He noticed and got upset; saying I should be the one to show my commitment, that a man can decide he’ll stop wearing his ring but the wife had to keep wearing hers.
I replied, it seemed to me he walked out on the marriage leaving me to be in it till whenever he’s ready.
Then he started rehashing the whole police issue again. Saying I bit the hand that feeds me
I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.
I look back and I’m careful not to regret having this blessing (pregnancy), it took a lot of tears, prayers and pain before it came.
Sincerely, I don’t know that I’ll ever forget this period in my life time.
I’ve been careful not to drive his expensive cars or overstep in the house. I’m appreciative of his provision for the family and I do my best not to give a reason like I’m after his money or whatever. I do things and buy personal stuff according to my budget. 
I really I’m content with no having much personally.
I see my Christian friends gush and talk about their marriage. The very little things not money and it hurts, while I know not everything you see is true. But the little things, the little things that are missing hurts so bad.
I did talk to his sister as a confidant, to get her perspective to see where I had it wrong. I was somehow glad I had an older sister-in-law that was there for me but she went on to twist my words telling my husband I said I wanted a divorce.
Sheeesh. That hit different.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Khanie said:


> He got mad and slapped me across the face.


Not sure where you’re from but that isn’t ok here. I wish you the best and think you should seriously consider leaving him.


----------



## BigDaddyNY

ccpowerslave said:


> Not sure where you’re from but that isn’t ok here. I wish you the best and think you should seriously consider leaving him.


I stopped reading at the point. 

If the husband is being physically abusive is a hard stop. He will do it again. You should be finding a way to safely get away from him.


----------



## gold5932

I would go back home immediately. End of story.


----------



## Prodigal

You may be a Christian, but you don't have a Christian marriage.


----------



## Sfort

I assume he's still a teenager, considering the way he's acting. In all seriousness, get away from him. Go back home, if that's something that appeals to you. Cut off all communications with him. He's a petulant child. He will never be a man.


----------



## Diana7

I am a Christian also. God doesnt want you being subject to violence. You say it's happened before and it will happen again. Your husband is a violent and controlling abuser. Please get out for your child's sake if not for yours. 
Go back home without telling him, you are both in danger.


----------



## Sonja

A story which reading it, made me sad.


----------

