# Burn out after orgasm...what to do?!



## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

If I have an orgasm right off the bat during foreplay....I often feel like I just "shut down.". I could have been so turned and ready to go before but it's as if it all goes away after an intense orgasm. Does this happen to anyone else. The solution has just been me avoiding an orgasm during foreplay which totally sucks but I would rather be into it and turned on than fizzle out. Does this happen to anyone else.

I masturbated a lot in high school and college...and so of course when I had an orgasm I was done and that was it. I still do actually when my H is away (he's home a month gone a month). I wonder if I have wired my brain in such a way that now orgasms equal "the end."


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Even two different types of orgasm (perhaps clit from foreplay and then the other during intercourse) doesn't get you back in the mood?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

My wife is the same way.

If I get her off too early she's done.
I've learned to string her along for a long time before she gets to orgasm.

It's actually now something I'd miss if she could go multiple times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> Even two different types of orgasm (perhaps clit from foreplay and then the other during intercourse) doesn't get you back in the mood?


What do you mean?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

It's perfectly natural to be coast down after an orgasm. Every woman isn't multi-orgasmic, and for plenty of women once is enough.

You guys just need to structure the pace, and routine, so that you're building toward climax around the same time together, instead of popping one off early. It's what most men have to do. Most men could get off pretty early in the process if they didn't institute control and alter the pace. Most women are not taught, or trained, to hold their orgasms off; when they come, they come. But you're more like a man in this respect, so you've got to learn to do what we do in order to make sex last longer. You just need to join the man club!


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Happens to me thought I was a freak..Women are supposed to take 15 to an hour right? NOT..

the only thing to do or at least what I try to do is he then "hurries up " LOL>>>(guys are good too at under 3 mintues and usually dont mind))..or slow it down and "avoid that area"...for long enough and "think" sexy thoughts like especially sexy times you have been with him" that turned you on for long enough the "sensitivity" in that area (Im mean the "painful sensitivity ") goes away and you can try then for #2...(strtign with GENTLE touch in that place)

So my advice ..make it a quickie (after you have an orgasm) or the opposite go slow and dont touch the "sensitive spot") to "regroup" including sexy thoughts and who knows..Its worked for me (#2) about half the time..

But I do understand its like ..after the orgasm ..you just want to get up and pull your skirt down and walk off..(no thanks on the cuddling)...DONE...

Speedy Gonzalez female style...Go figure..


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

I am throwing this out there because I have issues with not orgasming how I'd like. LOL When you have an orgasm is it through oral? And if it is, do you think after a couple minutes cooldown (meaning if your like me immediately after you orgasm the clitoris is almost too sensitive for touch) , you could try for another with the aid of a bullet during penetration? That might get your "motor running" for the time it takes him to finish.

I am usually a one at a time chick myself. But there are times I can get myself to #2.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

jaquen said:


> It's perfectly natural to be coast down after an orgasm. Every woman isn't multi-orgasmic, and for plenty of women once is enough.
> 
> You guys just need to structure the pace, and routine, so that you're building toward climax around the same time together, instead of popping one off early. It's what most men have to do. Most men could get off pretty early in the process if they didn't institute control and alter the pace. Most women are not taught, or trained, to hold their orgasms off; when they come, they come. But you're more like a man in this respect, so you've got to learn to do what we do in order to make sex last longer. You just need to join the man club!


Maybe my H shouldnt let me coast down hmm. I am multi orgasmic alone but I just have to keep it going. I just realized I dont think he keeps it going in a way I need him to in order to keep me from being "done."


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I am throwing this out there because I have issues with not orgasming how I'd like. LOL When you have an orgasm is it through oral? And if it is, do you think after a couple minutes cooldown (meaning if your like me immediately after you orgasm the clitoris is almost too sensitive for touch) , you could try for another with the aid of a bullet during penetration? That might get your "motor running" for the time it takes him to finish.
> 
> I am usually a one at a time chick myself. But there are times I can get myself to #2.


I can only get off through clitoral stimulation. Everything you said could and would work but at some point it can't be all about me in bed...which is the problem.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Maybe my H shouldnt let me coast down hmm. I am multi orgasmic alone but I just have to keep it going. I just realized I dont think he keeps it going in a way I need him to in order to keep me from being "done."


Then you have to explain it to him ...

I dont like to be touched directly on "the spot" its like puttign ice on a filling in a tooth..LOL!!the opposite of pleasure..but give me 10/15 minutes of other stimulation and "time' to think about it?The 2nd can be better than the first..:smthumbupsometimes)


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> I can only get off through clitoral stimulation. Everything you said could and would work but at some point it can't be all about me in bed...which is the problem.


Me too ..but you have to give it time to "cool off" LOL..or at least I do..then can be touched again there..with the same force as previously..


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> I can only get off through clitoral stimulation. Everything you said could and would work but at some point it can't be all about me in bed...which is the problem.


Well then you and I are very much alike. I don't see it as all about you (or me). Because it's not like he's sitting on the sidelines watching. He is having sex with you building up as you are attempting to do the same. With a bullet (or micro bullet) you can still switch positions and all that and get the stimulation you need to try again. He's still getting his stimulation. Or......if he gets you off with oral, you could then do oral on him, then switch to penetration with the vibe. Or hell finish it off with oral. 

The main point I am thinking in trying for #2 sometimes is to keep you mentally in the game becuase honestly after we orgasm that's probably the hardest part, keeping our head "in the game" to stay turned on.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Maybe my H shouldnt let me coast down hmm. I am multi orgasmic alone but I just have to keep it going. I just realized I dont think he keeps it going in a way I need him to in order to keep me from being "done."


That's good insight.

My wife is usually burned out after her third. That's fine and well if I coordinate my orgasm to happen around then. But sometimes she hits that coast down period when I'm not even close to finishing, and she starts to drift away. I just keep right on pressing the right buttons until she gets back in the game. It doesn't always work, but it does quite a lot.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Well then you and I are very much alike. I don't see it as all about you (or me). Because it's not like he's sitting on the sidelines watching. He is having sex with you building up as you are attempting to do the same. With a bullet (or micro bullet) you can still switch positions and all that and get the stimulation you need to try again. He's still getting his stimulation. Or......if he gets you off with oral, you could then do oral on him, then switch to penetration with the vibe. Or hell finish it off with oral.
> 
> The main point I am thinking in trying for #2 sometimes is to keep you mentally in the game becuase honestly after we orgasm that's probably the hardest part, keeping our head "in the game" to stay turned on.


right..when really you feel like "slumping over" and laying there like a slug in the "after glow"..just lay off the "spot" and let your mind keep thinking "sexy thoughts" and you can build again..not always..sometimes its "better" for him to just "do his thing" after you and its over in under 10 mintues(or 7 LOl)..Nothing wrong with that either..its when its over in 10(or 7 LOL) mintutes and SHE didnt get hers..LOL!!thats the problem..


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Everything you said could and would work but at some point it can't be all about me in bed...which is the problem.


I agree with Hoplessly Jaded..its not "all about you " ..women are "slighlty" more complicated as to these matters but I venture to guess most men LIKE figuring it out..maybe Im naive but the men like knowing they have pleased their woman well ..its half the fun ..Most(I dare say) guys like the challenge..they like "figuring things out " ..

then they can say "look what I DID!":smthumbup:


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> right..when really you feel like "slumping over" and laying there like a slug in the "after glow"..just lay off the "spot" and let your mind keep thinking "sexy thoughts" and you can build again..not always..sometimes its "better" for him to just "do his thing" after you and its over in under 10 mintues(or 7 LOl)..Nothing wrong with that either..its when its over in 10(or 7 LOL) mintutes and SHE didnt get hers..LOL!!thats the problem..


Yep I have those times where it takes me too long to get there and my head can't stay in the game for myself! Those are times when I just say "fvck it" and make it all about him.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Also MissyMrs80...

If YOU feel like its "all about you " like somehow you are selfish(which I doubt because as I said "most (healthy in the mind) men enjoy working on his womans sexual needs..But if it will make YOU feel better surprise him with an occassional "for him only" sexual experience.I mean more often than we have a birthday but less often than a full moon..LOL>>>Out on a limb here..If you are O.K with oral ?Oral to completion without any expectations for reciprication ..And when hes least expecting it..Might solve your guilt..+ the look of surprised is reward in and of itself..

Nasty talk!!


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Yep I have those times where it takes me too long to get there and my head can't stay in the game for myself! Those are times when I just say "fvck it" and make it all about him.


LOL!! Yeah thats when porno talk comes in handy!!!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

missymrs80 said:


> I can only get off through clitoral stimulation. Everything you said could and would work but at some point it can't be all about me in bed...which is the problem.


Most women can only have orgasms if their clitoris is stimulated. I can have multiple orgasms through both clitoral stimulation and penetration, but I realize that I am lucky and rare. 

When I have an orgasm which is not through penetration, my clitoris feels too sensitive to touch for about three minutes. I find that if I ignore sensitivity and keep going, I can have even more orgasms. Perhaps you can try the same thing when you feel like you can't come anymore?


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> Well then you and I are very much alike. I don't see it as all about you (or me). Because it's not like he's sitting on the sidelines watching. He is having sex with you building up as you are attempting to do the same. With a bullet (or micro bullet) you can still switch positions and all that and get the stimulation you need to try again. He's still getting his stimulation. Or......if he gets you off with oral, you could then do oral on him, then switch to penetration with the vibe. Or hell finish it off with oral.
> 
> The main point I am thinking in trying for #2 sometimes is to keep you mentally in the game becuase honestly after we orgasm that's probably the hardest part, keeping our head "in the game" to stay turned on.


No no I don't mean all about me like that. We have done vibrator during sex....but once I'm done I'm ready to wrap it up lol. I hate that! It's like my libido goes From 100 to 0


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> No no I don't mean all about me like that. We have done vibrator during sex....but once I'm done I'm ready to wrap it up lol. I hate that! It's like my libido goes From 100 to 0


I get that. LOL That's why I have suggested what I have. The only other option I can think of is to put off having an orgasm until he's had plenty of fun. Which isn't so hard physically for girls like us because certain actions are required before we orgasm.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

FirstYearDown said:


> Most women can only have orgasms if their clitoris is stimulated. I can have multiple orgasms through both clitoral stimulation and penetration, but I realize that I am lucky and rare.
> 
> When I have an orgasm which is not through penetration, my clitoris feels too sensitive to touch for about three minutes. I find that if I ignore sensitivity and keep going, I can have even more orgasms. Perhaps you can try the same thing when you feel like you can't come anymore?


Yes I find that helps...to ignore the sensitivity and keep going. Whether its one orgasm or 3 in a row i dont feel turned on anymore. Earlier I said maybe he needs to keep it going but now that I think about it that's not it. I mean I can still have sex but it just prob won't be my best performance if you will.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Happens to me thought I was a freak..Women are supposed to take 15 to an hour right? NOT..
> 
> the only thing to do or at least what I try to do is he then "hurries up " LOL>>>(guys are good too at under 3 mintues and usually dont mind))..or slow it down and "avoid that area"...for long enough and "think" sexy thoughts like especially sexy times you have been with him" that turned you on for long enough the "sensitivity" in that area (Im mean the "painful sensitivity ") goes away and you can try then for #2...(strtign with GENTLE touch in that place)
> 
> ...


Yes omg the last part....so true. Just want to roll over some times...no cuddling. Lol what the heck! It's really turned into having separate "sessions" for just me to orgasm.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> What do you mean?


My wife will have her first orgasm when I go down on her and concentrate on her clit. Then she'll have one or more during intercourse (g-spot?). Two different reactions I get from her from them - the first is slow and gradual and the others are more explosive.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> My wife will have her first orgasm when I go down on her and concentrate on her clit. Then she'll have one or more during intercourse (g-spot?). Two different reactions I get from her from them - the first is slow and gradual and the others are more explosive.


Well that's wonderful for her but your talking to someone who only has been able to achieve orgasm 1 way. LOL

And you know, now that I think of it, this may be part of the issue for gals like me. If we could orgasm more than one way and it happened frequently then me might keep that initial drive after we orgasm. But maybe our minds/bodies are trained that once we get it, it's over, unless we "work" for another. 

I have told my husband a few times(many many actually) that my fantasy is "hands free" orgasms. That means without specific clitoral stimulation (no toys, not hands no tongue). You know like a guy, just jump right in, bam bam aaaaahh! How nice that would be! Then...:sleeping::sleeping:

I guess I always have my dreams don't I.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Missy

You're not alone. My partner is often much the same. If she has a strong orgasm she just wants to be done and go to sleep.

I think pretty much every guy is that way. I know myself no matter how sexy the situation is once I cum I quickly lose interest.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

HopelesslyJaded said:


> I have told my husband a few times(many many actually) that my fantasy is "hands free" orgasms. That means without specific clitoral stimulation (no toys, not hands no tongue). You know like a guy, just jump right in, bam bam aaaaahh! How nice that would be! Then...:sleeping::sleeping:
> 
> I guess I always have my dreams don't I.



lol I was just relaying this exact sentiment to my husband this morning. We had a fantastic round of 'for him only' sex this morning. I didn't think I would be able to orgasm, I often can't first thing in the morning. But I was feeling awfully emotional and lovey dovey, and wanted the connection with him before he had to leave. I came the closest I have ever come to having a hands free orgasm...and that still wasn't very close. It was just a teeny glimmer, like a far away snapshot of one. When we were done, I told him that it almost felt like a possibility for a moment...he said he would just have to try harder next time  He is so good about it, and reminds me that I am not abnormal, and that most women have to have direct contact of some nature. I can't help but feel a bit like a failure or like I am broken because of it...no matter what my logical mind tells me.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Missy
> 
> You're not alone. My partner is often much the same. If she has a strong orgasm she just wants to be done and go to sleep.
> 
> I think pretty much every guy is that way. I know myself no matter how sexy the situation is once I cum I quickly lose interest.


Yes I know. But from what I read, hear, see.....it seems like women everywhere just have 500 orgasms and are still horny as ever. Like one big orgasm fest and everyone is doing it.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

So for the ladies who need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm...

Have you ever, even once, experienced an orgasm without direct stimulation?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Yes I know. But from what I read, hear, see.....it seems like women everywhere just have 500 orgasms and are still horny as ever. Like one big orgasm fest and everyone is doing it.


That's a case of "the grass seems greener". There are some pretty grim sexual studies out there that show tens of millions of women are having troubles even reaching ONE orgasm, never mind how that orgasm comes about.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

jaquen said:


> So for the ladies who need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm...
> 
> Have you ever, even once, experienced an orgasm without direct stimulation?


Not nary, ary a one.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

missymrs80 said:


> Yes I know. But from what I read, hear, see.....it seems like women everywhere just have 500 orgasms and are still horny as ever. Like one big orgasm fest and everyone is doing it.


With my partner when she has what she considers 'smaller' orgasms that's when she can have more. Maybe you're having the big one right out of the gate. As long as it feels good I don't think it's a problem.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> lol I was just relaying this exact sentiment to my husband this morning. We had a fantastic round of 'for him only' sex this morning. I didn't think I would be able to orgasm, I often can't first thing in the morning. But I was feeling awfully emotional and lovey dovey, and wanted the connection with him before he had to leave. I came the closest I have ever come to having a hands free orgasm...and that still wasn't very close. It was just a teeny glimmer, like a far away snapshot of one. When we were done, I told him that it almost felt like a possibility for a moment...he said he would just have to try harder next time  He is so good about it, and reminds me that I am not abnormal, and that most women have to have direct contact of some nature. I can't help but feel a bit like a failure or like I am broken because of it...no matter what my logical mind tells me.


Thats me. Lol


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

jaquen said:


> So for the ladies who need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm...
> 
> Have you ever, even once, experienced an orgasm without direct stimulation?


No


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Yes in fact Im a "rare bird I have had "nocturnal" orgasms ..no touch at all only a "dream" ..(wasnt all the way "complete but " got to the poitn of hitting the top of the roller coaster and beginning to fall"..)


Thats why I get aggravated sometimes men say "women cant understand" Oh YES I can..

Its the same thing as asking can a guy reach orgasm without direct stimulation to the penis?Sure they can ..How fun is it?Not much..


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

My wife is pretty fast, but not that fast. I would say that 60% of the time she goes before me. She is also "one and done" unless we wait 30 minutes to an hour. She can also let me have mine in a position that works for me (like doggie). Are you able to do that for him?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Missy
> 
> You're not alone. My partner is often much the same. If she has a strong orgasm she just wants to be done and go to sleep.
> 
> I think pretty much every guy is that way. I know myself no matter how sexy the situation is once I cum I quickly lose interest.


Not every guy is that way. personaly I think your missing the best part! round two. usually no lube required and the engine is still warm.:smthumbup:


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