# Thoughts please..



## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

I posted a thread titled wife said she wants a divorce so i won't go into much detail.She has yet to file after nearly two months and honestly i don't think she will,atleast not anytime soon.We're living in seperate states and i'm focusing on getting my life in order.However,shes " friends " with a guy which she spends a lot of time with.Everyone in her family feels we need to work out our problems,but she seems to throw everything they say or i say away.I'm tired of feeling this way.I'm tired of not being able to atleast talk to my kids (it's been eight days).I've actually talked to her more recently than i have the kids.

She said to me several times she would call me so i could talk to our kids,but never does.When i ask her it's always some lame excuse like " I forgot ".Talked to her mom which loves me as if i were her biological child yesterday.She said she would have a mother -to- daughter conversation with her sometime this week.Anyways,like i said i'm tired of it.While it will be costly i'm wondering should i go ahead and file myself,or play a wait and see approach? 

Any further questions then feel free to ask.

Thanks,
gw


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I am so sorry; this sounds really hard on you. First, any chance you can move back to Arkansas and get a job/apartment? It will be almost impossible to resolve issues, one way or another, if you are in a separate state, and it won't help you should it come to child custody issues, either. 

I strongly recommend counseling, either from your minister or a professional. This is probably not the place for her mom to intervene. For one thing, mom is not unbiased. Also, your wife may be reluctant to discuss certain issues with her mom.

Ask your wife to tell you honestly why she wants a divorce. Did she marry you for the wrong reason, perhaps (fear of being alone, thinking she could learn to love you b/c you were such a nice guy BUT the passion wasn't there, etc?) Maybe the stress of 2 kids so early in a marriage led to poor communication, etc. Some things can be fixed, others can't. If she is "done," I personally suspect either she realized she married you for a 'wrong' reason or another man is in the picture. If she has already moved on to another man (after asking for a divorce), that complicates things a lot. She does not want to work on it, but even if only to have an amicable divorce--for the children's sake--counseling can help.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Not at the time i cant move back.She has everything so i'm starting over basically.Not long after i moved back she got evicted from our apartment and is living with her mom and step-father which they themselves recently got married.He has kids from a previous marriage which he cant have over because her and our kids are living with them.I've suggested counseling before and my brother-in-law even has a 2BR condo which we could've stayed at rent free for a year.She said no basically.She says she doesn't love me anymore,but still loves me because i'm the father of her kids.If thats the case then why not make it work?

I know i need counseling for myself,but i've tried to deal with it myself.It's really getting to be too much to handle though.She has yet to give me an exact reason other than the fighting,the money problems or our lack of spending time together.I don't understand how or why she feels as seeing this guy will be any better.It might be short-term,but ultimately shes hurting not only me but our kids as well.We got married young so she never had the time to explore life.Well,that was our decision to do so.

Yes,i'm hurting cause i want us to work it out,but i'm hurting more cause i can't see my kids or even talk to them most of the time.


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