# Is it...or isn't it?



## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

What is your opinion of swinging? Is it adultery, cheating, or simply a sexual variant.?


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

My opinion is that it is definitely adultery.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

Rookie4 said:


> My opinion is that it is definitely adultery.


Webster's agrees:

Full Definition of ADULTERY
: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband; also : an act of adultery


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

I wonder if Webster ever got any strange?:grin2:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

For me, if I had a partner who wanted it, it would be cheating...because what she would be telling me is that I'm not enough to slake her thirst. 

It would also be a sign that she has her eyes on another man, or is actively cheating with another man (or couple), and by bringing me into it wants me to sanction her adulterous behavior. 

I knew some swingers, and it ended very badly for the husband. 

I know there are active swingers here on TAM. If they can do it without ruining their marriage, then more power to them. I just don't believe that a sustained swinging lifestyle takes a couple anywhere but down a long dead-end road. The scenery may be great along the way, but the road eventually comes to a cliff. The marriage either flies off the cliff, and blows up or the couple try to make their way back and the car runs out of gas.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I think there is a difference between adultery and infidelity. Adultery is having consensual sex with someone who is not your spouse. Infidelity, while technically a synonym, would be an act of betrayal. You can still commit adultery by swinging even if your spouse is happy with the lifestyle; however, being unfaithful is doing it behind your spouses back. That's what I think it's all about.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

It's Like Prince Charles and Camilla. At first, he was a fornicator and she was an adulteress. Then (after Charles and Diana got married) they were both adulterers, but not fornicators. After Camilla's divorce and the death of Diana, they stopped being adulterers, and returned to being fornicators. Now, apparently, they are neither (unless he has any other mistresses stashed around the palace). It all seems to be in the fine print, doesn't it? LOL Our swinger posters will use a myriad of terms to describe and justify their sexual peccadilloes. Poly this, poly that, and any number of variations. Seems like a lot of extra work, to me.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Knew a woman that was into it for a while in her first marriage. Notice first marriage means she was married while doing it for a while. From what I can gather, there is no self-respecting liberated woman out there who could do it and still claim she wants equality with men. Places I was told about where they gathered and had drinks were filled with men who groped them and talked to them like they were a POS. 

And, I agree with bandit.45. It didn't end well for this woman's marriage. Fantasies are one thing. Reality something different. More power to those who can do it. Good luck to you. I don't see how it would be good for a marriage. I think it would be repulsive to many potential marriage partners. Of course, it's none of their business, though. hmmm maybe...


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Actually, I started this thread so our poly and swinging posters could come here and explain their lifestyles, without T/Jing other threads.
My GF and I live together, have sex multiple times a week (sometimes multiple times a day, if we are feeling particularly frisky), we are exclusive to each other...but we are not married to each other or anybody else. so I guess we are unrepentant fornicators. If so, I heartily recommend fornication as a great lifestyle. LOL


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I view it as adultery.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I wouldn't call it cheating but I don't call it marriage to begin with.

It is definitely a partnership that often includes love and cooperation but it takes a fundamental difference in values.

I refer to it as an alien culture.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Swinging, defined as an agreement between spouses to allow sex with other partners, is not cheating in my book. Cheating is, to me, a betrayal where one partner does not know about or agree to the other having sex outside of the marriage.

For me, swinging would take very different views of sex, love, emotional connection, and marriage than I have. I couldn't have a marriage with swinging. But for those who do swing, I don't see it as cheating.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Adultery? No, not if both parties agree.

However, for me, two things come to mind for those that choose to partake. The complete disregard for the sanctity of marriage, and the inevitable likelihood of trouble.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

You cant call it cheating because you both are doing it together and not doing anything behind anyones back. I cant understand how anyone can do it, I cant think of anything worse, but that is my opinion and that is all it is mine, and what other people do with their lives is their own business.

I cant see how anyone can be turned on by swapping with someone else's partner, I cant think of anything worse, and it is a complete turn off to me. Also what happens if your up for it, get there do it, regret it??. Nothing much you can do then really. A marriage is a marriage to me spending your life with one person... I think it makes a mockery out of marriage.

Sorry if i offend anyone, Just being honest.

I agree totally with Conanhub. And also FitnessFan it repulses me the thought of my hubby with another i love him far to much.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I see swinging as a sexual variant. 

I do think that it is a VERY, VERY rare thing when swinging helps or strengthens a marriage. I think most of the time one spouse agrees to it only because they've been pressured into it by the other spouse. I think when swinging is suggested and acted upon, it's the beginning of the end of the marriage except for those really rare cases.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I see swinging as a sexual variant.
> 
> I do think that it is a VERY, VERY rare thing when swinging helps or strengthens a marriage. I think most of the time one spouse agrees to it only because they've been pressured into it by the other spouse. I think when swinging is suggested and acted upon, it's the beginning of the end of the marriage except for those really rare cases.


I think you need to either have the "strongest" marriage or its the proverbial nail in the coffin. Too many times I think one thinks the marriage is strong enough and one is looking for the "out".


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Rookie4 said:


> What is your opinion of swinging? Is it adultery, cheating, or simply a sexual variant.?


Labeling is not helpful. What I think you are really asking is this behavior always wrong or hurtful. 

I tend to permit people to make their own honest and informed choices and I am not religious so I refuse to judge consenting adults for whatever they want to explore. I think there are many examples of this working for couples but it takes a particular morality and world view. I can't call it either better or worse. If it works and no one gets hurt, well it works.

For myself, I am going to stick with one women at a time at least until I feel like I have that all figured out. At this rate, that will take another 500 years so it is a non-issue for me.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

It is adultery, why would vows have 'forsaking all others' included if it was the intention of marriage to include other participants in the marriage? Marriages which involve this kind of thing, rarely last or are happy imho. However it is not for me to judge so I'll say no more.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

" I think most of the time one spouse agrees to it only because they've been pressured into it by the other spouse"

No, I don't think it is cheating if both parties agree to the life style.

But if the situation posited above is the case, then I would call it cheating because both parties are NOT really in agreement....one is just desperately trying to placate the other hoping to save a M they probably think is in trouble if they decline.

I have known a few couples who lived this lifestyle....and it definitely requires a different view of trust and M than that most people have.

And based on what I saw with these people, the M had really better be VERY strong because otherwise you are inviting a world of trouble into your relationship.

Most people should definitely leave this lifestyle choice alone IMO.

But again, in answer to the OP....no, I don't see it as cheating if mutually agreed upon.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Disclosure: I am not a swinger, nor ever have been, and I don't know any swingers (well, afaik).

I personally think that the majority of people just don't "get" this lifestyle choice, and therefore cast a negative pall on it, which is a normal thing to do when one doesn't understand something. It's also not entirely fair.

That said, my view is that it's neither cheating nor adultery. It may fit the dictionary definition of "adultery", or perhaps even the religious one as well, but if it's a mutual, agreed-upon choice between two adults, then to me, it's little different than any other hobby or pastime.

It's not for me, I know that. At least not in the context of my marriage. Is it something I could have done with a past girlfriend? Perhaps. I really don't know. With a wife? Highly unlikely.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

No one is going to borrow my Lionel train to use under their holiday tree. They can purchase their own. If they want to take it, I can do something about it. If my spouse wants to go with them, there's little I can do that will change her mind when she is set on something. 

Edit: I am divorced, so there is no current wife. I made that a little confusing. Sorry about that.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Back when I was in college and went to a few swinging "events" as a "guest'. I talked with several of the couples and it seemed that in almost every couple, there was one person who was more "into' the lifestyle, and one who was not as comfortable.with it. Rarely were both on the exact same page, so I would think that there would probably be the same difference of opinion as to whether or not it was adultery. I wonder how they deal with this .


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Technically it's adultery by the definition of adultery, but who cares if it's mutually agreeable? It's not cheating, as it's a form of consensual non-monogamy.


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