# What's next after anger?



## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

My husband left and he said he will be filing for divorce. It shattered my world.

First, there was denial and I kept thinking he will definitely come back, that it was all a mistake.

Then there was a lot of grief, depression and crying. Extreme sadness and pain in words I can't even put down. I couldn't eat.

Now I feel anger. Lots and lots of it. I am practically swearing each time the thought of him comes up. I am eating a lot now.

Is this a normal process? I know you guys have gone through this. So what happens after anger???


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

For some of us, it is not eating, so we lose weight but it could go to over eating as well. If anything, first and foremost right now, STOP overeating; you are going to want to take good care of yourself through all of what you will go through. Improving yourself both physically and mentally will go a LONG way towards your recovery from this! So with that said, next you can start to address your anger, sadness, fear, and sorrow.

You are reacting normally. Books I have read can't stress enough how you need to face all of these emotions, address them no matter how long it takes, just don't suppress them or you will never really have a chance to grow past them.

Your anger will eventually subside. There is no order to which emotions you feel and some will return. What you are and will be going through can not happen over night. It takes time. Exercise and keeping yourself busy doing things you enjoy helps a lot.

Eventually, you will recover and realise that you can be a better and stronger person. You will move forward from all of this but as to how long it will take is up to you. If you haven't or are not seeing a counselor, I would highly recommend it - you need to have a place to talk out and vent your emotions. I wish you the best, hang in there. Feel free to come on here and vent whenever you need to; most of us on here have been through a lot so we understand the need to vent and talk.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Yes. You are so beyond normal. 
I for one go through extreme mood changes and emotions. 
In a week I can go through all of the "stages" and then be back at stage one the following week. Not sure if this has something to do with my personality or what.

I have read after you go through the anger stage there is an understanding stage followed by acceptance and eventually moving on. Keep in mind there are many interpretations of the stages and ultimately I don't think there is any right way or order to go through them. 

Just get through each day the best you can without suppressing the emotion(s) you are feeling.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

oh man guys, I weighed 117 lbs and am 5'6, I stopped eating. Wasn't interested and everything was a real choking chore to get down. Bags of sand.

About 2 months ago, I started eating and I weigh 122lbs, yeah!

I haven't really had any anger just mourning and pain and pain and more pain.

What really helped me was my 12 step program, sharing, IC and group therapy. Now my therapist is talking about co-dependency and I am like enough is enough.

My big bugaboo is abandonment issues and that is why this is excruciatingly painful...blah blah blah (hey that sounds like anger).

It's my mother when I was crying to her she said (hand to God) don't you have any friends to talk to? Well, there you are. She didn't want to hear it. No energy or love. But I don't want to digress.

I know I have gone up and done that 7 stage loss ladder and mix it up good and proper. It is getting better though.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Sparkles, I can't imagine my mother asking me to go cry to friend. I can't. I'm sorry. I know friends are important and a good one will see you through many down times, but a mother! I find that quite strange actually. She must have really been having a bad day - a worse one than you! I don't think so. Hopefully, that was just a brain f&**rt on her part. I wish you the best, sounds like you are handling things a little better, gained a some weight, awesome! Take care of yourself.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

ACCEPTANCE! Once you've finally realized that you've done all you can to prevent the inevitable, you begin to accept your situation.

Interestingly enough, that's when your burden eases because your focus changes from the pathetic, needy, groveling and dependent person that you were, to one who now wants to make a better life for herself.

At some point, you may even find it peaceful in that you don't have the stress that you once had, don't have to worry about the ex-spouse ... pleasing them or displeasing them. You're NO longer walking on eggshells trying to be so careful as not to stir the hornets nest.

You don't have to worry about trying to have a normal conversation, choosing your words oh so carefully as to avoid a confrontation.

You can relax a little ... and that's a lot considering the stress that you've been through.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I went to the movies (volunteer job with benefits). I took archery. I went to yoga. I went to dance class. I went to my children's school events. I went rock climbing with new friends. I started reading again for pleasure and education (or both). I dunno, I just too a deep breath and realized that the sky that came crashing down was not really the sky after all.


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

nickiblue said:


> i am not eating well and have been told by all my family, my boss and even my husband have told me i look unhealthy and to eat more. but i just feel constantly nauseous, i think also my nerves are causing me to loose weight
> in respect of the stages of acceptance i go from one to the next and back again daily.
> today was a good day


I felt extremely nauseous earlier too. I couldn't eat a thing! I was so weak, I felt I was going to just fall to the floor in a heap. But I went to the doctor and told him my marriage problem. He prescribed me anti-nausea pills and some other medication to calm my mind and go to sleep. In 2 days, I was heartily eating again and my mind felt so much better I haven't even shed a tear. Not even a tiny impulse to puke. I don't encourage drugs, but damn, those pills work! Now that I am eating and sleeping so well, I feel this whole separation is a lot more tolerable than I thought. But I feel anger, real strong anger. Sometimes I even wish him ill, although I will not do anything to hurt him. I thought the depression would last for months, or even years, as nothing - and I really mean NOTHING - hurt as bad in my life as the spouse walking out on me.

Caughtdreaming mentioned "understanding" and "acceptance" after anger. Well, I think I am still far away from understanding, as I feel my husband is a moron, jerk, dimwit, sonafa*****, ******* and all those other expletives, for walking out.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

brighterlight: yes that is typical of my mother: totally selfish. She didn't want to be bothered with the details. Long story and I am not going to take time telling it. She was not having a bad day that is her.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Acceptance...and that is a good thing. I am with you although I do still have lingers of anger that will pop up in my mind. It feels good to be in control of myself once again.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Revenge. Then cut brake lines, and screaming.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

@ rld lolololol


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