# Facebook



## janedoe629 (Jul 8, 2012)

My husband has been chatting with an old friend from high school.(female) She calls him HUN and Doll. I don't think it is appropriate for anyone to call someone else's spouse by an endearing name or the spouse to use them either for that matter. They talk all night as he works midnights. This really bothers me. When I ask hubby he said he would tell her to stop. Then kept chatting with her and said "oh don't call me that anymore my wife is jealous"


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

janedoe629 said:


> "oh don't call me that anymore my wife is jealous"


Disrespectful. Puts him in the role of victim - and you get to be the bad guy. 

Have you requested his password? If you're uncomfortable with his communications and he insists it's innocent, he may be willing to allow you access.

Does he have a history of betrayal?

... janie ...


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## janedoe629 (Jul 8, 2012)

His name and password are saved so it's easy to check, but we have had this discussion in the past. No history of betrayal except for looking at porn which I don't like. I told him we can watch together, but he doesn't want to do that...I am lost on this...


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

:iagree: Very disrespectful. You have every right to be protective over your marriage.

Why is he chatting with her anyways? If he wants a buddy he can chat with his guy friends...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Argghh...So many unintended consequences that came along with the creation of Facebook...this was not cool...


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## Anomnom (Jun 25, 2012)

I'd put a stop to this asap before a full blown EA begins..talking all night and pet names..it's already begun.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

First of all, just to give a little bit of perspective, in the Deep South, many women (and men, too) call _everyone_ "hun", "sweetie", etc. I'm not defending your H's HS friend and it may not be the same where you live, just offering a different view.

HOWEVER, this is obviously too forward for you, and I think that's completely understandable. I'm not comfortable with it when women talk that way to me TBH.

You need to set a firm boundary here, and you need to let your husband know. The trick, though, is to let him know in a firm, but totally non-accusatory way. If you come at him straight out of the gate saying "It's wrong of you to talk to your HS friend" you're just going to put him on the defensive and it's just going to turn into a debate to see who can be right. Those are never productive.

Instead, say something like "I feel so marginalized and disrespected by this whole situation. You know how I feel about it, and I don't deserve to feel this way. It's unacceptable to me." Don't get sucked into an argument about semantics, just stick to your simple boundary. This puts the ball in his court. If he continues to do it, then you need to start showing him consequences by disengaging from him.

I'm not going to jump on the "OMG it's an EA you're marriage is about to fail!!1!!!1" bandwagon just yet, but I would definitely keep an eye on the content of these chats.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I would greatly surmize that your H's situation has not quite yet reached EA proportion, but unchecked it could well be on the way. You two need to sit down immediately and have yourselves a little "Come to Jesus Meeting" where passwords are exchanged and there is no hiding of FB or email information.

If he is reluctant to be a party to that, then there is probably the presence of an EA which he'll probably take underground. If that should come to happen, then it would be the proper time for you to execute *the 180!*


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I agree that it probably hasn't reached EA status yet, but it could go in that direction. If your H does think you're jealous, it isn't smart of him to feed into it by keeping in touch with this woman.

I would have the opposite sex boundary talk with him. No opposite sex friends in the marriage, unless they're mutual friends.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Many affairs start w/FB. My husbands did after a tramp from his past contacted him - "Remember me?" Jump on his a** now and stop it before it goes any further. If you don't he will be sucked in (his own fault). Sorry you are here asking for advice.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Davelli0331 said:


> First of all, just to give a little bit of perspective, in the Deep South, many women (and men, too) call _everyone_ "hun", "sweetie", etc. I'm not defending your H's HS friend and it may not be the same where you live, just offering a different view.
> 
> HOWEVER, this is obviously too forward for you, and I think that's completely understandable. I'm not comfortable with it when women talk that way to me TBH.
> 
> ...


Yep down here everyone calls the oppossite sex hun, babe, suga (without the r).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I'm with Dave a little bit here - I call everyone 'darling' or other terms of endearment, it's a London thing and it doesn't mean anything

however, the issue here is that YOU are uncomfortable with it and as your husband he should be making every attempt to make you feel secure

I don't like the 'my wife is jealous' thing - what he should be saying is 'it's not appropriate to call me that, I'm married'

You need to keep an eye on this..... x


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In a somewhat guarded defense of FB, it's original intent, I'm sure, was not to open the floodgates on promiscuity and adultery. But as with all things, evil and carnal minded spouses and/or their potential paramours, who have no moral compass, have greatly used it to their advantage to go after what it is that they so greatly desire~ a strange piece of action; which greatly results in heartbreak for not only the jilted spouse, but for their family and friends as well!


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

My husband has a friend from college that he found on facebook that calls him that also. I was terribly jealous and he introduced me to her and we started talking on facebook too. Come to find out, she calls everyone hun, love and sweetie. So I was jealous for no reason and she was not after my husband.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> In a somewhat guarded defense of FB, it's original intent, I'm sure, was not to open the floodgates on promiscuity and adultery. But as with all things, evil and carnal minded spouses and/or their potential paramours, who have no moral compass, have greatly used it to their advantage to go after what it is that they so greatly desire~ a strange piece of action; which greatly results in heartbreak for not only the jilted spouse, but for their family and friends as well!


I'm a software developer, and as a nerd I'm uber impressed at both the technical innovation and market penetration (giggity) that FB has achieved.

As an end user, however, it's apparent to me now that society was not quite ready for FB and all of the secondary side effects that come with it. This is true of most technology, though. Think of how much easier it was to carry on affairs after the invention of the car, the invention of the telephone, or the invention of the cell phone.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Davelli0331 said:


> I'm a software developer, and as a nerd I'm uber impressed at both the technical innovation and market penetration (giggity) that FB has achieved.
> 
> As an end user, however, it's apparent to me now that society was not quite ready for FB and all of the secondary side effects that come with it. This is true of most technology, though. Think of how much easier it was to carry on affairs after the invention of the car, the invention of the telephone, or the invention of the cell phone.


I love technology, but have to agree that it would appear that society wasn't prepared for the side effects of some it. Mobile phones, for example, were a brilliant invention - but in the hands of a cheater, they're excellent aids for conducting affairs.

FB, too, seemed like an excellent idea for keeping in touch with family and friends, but appears to have devolved into a playground for narcissists, bullies and cheats.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Davelli0331 said:


> I'm a software developer, and as a nerd I'm uber impressed at both the technical innovation and market penetration (giggity) that FB has achieved.
> 
> As an end user, however, it's apparent to me now that society was not quite ready for FB and all of the secondary side effects that come with it. This is true of most technology, though. Think of how much easier it was to carry on affairs after the invention of the car, the invention of the telephone, or the invention of the cell phone.


And the sad and unfortunate thing is, that in the years to come,(and I'm talking "not too distant future" here) how many more technological breakthroughs or new communicational applications are going to come to fruition that are going to broaden the problem to unheralded proportions? 

I truly shudder to think about it!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> And the sad and unfortunate thing is, that in the years to come,(and I'm talking "not too distant future" here) how many more technological breakthroughs or new communicational applications are going to come to fruition that are going to broaden the problem to unheralded proportions?
> 
> I truly shudder to think about it!


The pros and cons of progress. I guess we can't have one without the other.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

hey some people would still use a carrier pigeon if they had to


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> And the sad and unfortunate thing is, that in the years to come,(and I'm talking "not too distant future" here) how many more technological breakthroughs or new communicational applications are going to come to fruition that are going to broaden the problem to unheralded proportions?
> 
> I truly shudder to think about it!


I definitely see what you're saying, but I also think that society adapts. Societies tend to try to keep themselves from imploding, though not all are successful obviously. 

Truth is, haters gonna hate, and cheaters gonna cheat. I bet if you dug a little you'd even find some torrid love affairs carried on via carrier pigeon. Technology may lower the barrier to entry for cheating, but I don't think that it changes what's in one's heart. IOW, don't be a troglodyte! 

And now, back to the OP...


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

In Victorian days, women used fans and handkerchiefs for initiating / maintaining affairs!


* Drawing her handkerchief across her lips - "Let's flirt with each other"
* Twisting her handkerchief in her left hand: "Go away. I'm not interested in you."
* Twisting her handkerchief in her right hand: "I am thinking of you."
* Winding it around the third finger of her left hand: " I am married."
* Winding it around her forefinger: "I am engaged to be married."
* Drawing her handkerchief across her forehead; twirling her fan in her left hand: "Careful. We
are being watched."
* Holding her handkerchief in opposite corners in both hands: or opening her fan wide "Wait for me."
* Holding a handkerchief, parasol or fan next to her right cheek: "Yes"
* Holding a handkerchief, parasol or fan next to her left cheek: "No"
* Twirling her handkerchief in her right hand: "I will meet you."
* Twirling it in her left hand: "Let's set a time to meet"
* Presenting her fan closed: "Do you love me?"
* Drawing her handkerchief or fan across her eyes: "I am sorry."
* Drawing her handkerchief across her cheek or fanning herself quickly while looking at
the "object of her affection": "I love you so much"
* Folding her handkerchief carefully or running her fingers through the fan's ribs: "I wish to speak with you"
* Twirling it in both hands: "I am not interested. Get lost."
* Placing her fan against her left ear: "I wish to be rid of you."
* Waving it over her right shoulder: "Follow me"
* Dropping it on the floor: "Let's meet"
* Waving it over her left shoulder: "Farewell until we meet again."
* Drawing the fan across her forehead: "You have changed."
* Fanning herself swiftly with her left hand: "Don't you dare flirt with that woman!"
* Resting her fan on her heart: "My love for you is breaking my heart."

(Source: The Language of Handkerchiefs & Fans - Royal Victorian Fashion Society)


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