# WS Weight Gain



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Since D day, well a few months after (like me she lost some weight during the several weeks after dday) my Ws has gained about 30lbs. 
First I have no problem with the weight gain but more with my thoughts of why she has gained the weight.
She has always been about the same weight (except for when she was pregnant) 5 or 10 lbs up or down now and then but always about the same been that way for 20 years.
However since dday and of course me monitoring her whereabouts and her no longer going out with friends either work or her girlfriends the weight has come on. I think the reason for this is she no longer is out to impress anyone( a term some here don't like but here it is her sex rank) she is not in any position to flirt or even be around other men. She has not complained about the loss of freedom and she has accepted the boundaries we put in place so I am not saying she is doing this on purpose, her eating habits haven't changed very much and it could really be that at her age (42) her metabolism is starting to slow down. But just maybe on some subconscious level her body is saying what's the point we don't have to be attractive to anyone else.
Has anyone else noticed this in their WS? Stupid to even think this way? One thing about being cheated on if they said you didn't pay attention to them before you sure do now any little change is up for scrutiny.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Funny you mention it - my WS (well, ex, but whatever) has put on weight since Dday too, although she had started putting it back on a few months before.

She lost a *lot* the first 6 months of her affair so the change is even more dramatic having come from what was, for her, a low weight.

I agree with your interpretation - I take it as a complement in a way. I do not care about her weight (within limits!); I have asked her to come running with me lately but she says she feels intimidated because I run quite fast and up hills too!


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

Yep. My WS gained quite a bit of weight. I think it's a combination of the stress and the onset of pre-menopause/menopause.

She constantly complains about how she looks with the extra weight. She recently told me her weight gain doesn't really bother her that much, but is worried that I don't find her attactive. She told me she "hopes I can love her as she is." (This is after she had me buy her an incline trainer several years ago so she could stay in shape for POSOM.)

I didn't say a word. I never do.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

JustGrinding said:


> I didn't say a word. I never do.


Smart.


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

WS weight gain versus BS weight loss!!

My WH is slowly putting on the pounds, and is starting to look a little puffy and podgey. I love it!! This should impress the OW somewhat.:rofl:

On the other hand, the stress caused me to lose over 40 lbs. Over the years I have always managed to lose weight, but found it hard to maintain the weight loss.

However, I came across the paleo eating plan not long after DDay ... 

On paleo, I can eat huge amounts of food if I feel like it, and still not put on weight. Provided I stay away from sugar, grains (wheat ie bread for example), any processed foods, dairy ... then I have no problem maintaining a weight of between 57 - 59 kgs. 

Whenever I become despondent about the state of my marriage, I just go and try on the 'skinny' jeans. Works every time ... greatest weight loss and maintenance plan I have ever come across. I am 64, so have tried many diets over the years. This one is the best.

My apologies if I have gotten off track in this thread which is, after all, about WS weight gain. I couldn't care less if my WH gains weight. Makes it much easier to be happy about where my life is heading. 

Thank goodness for TAM/CWI ... it keeps me going. And each day is looking brighter ... truly ...


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

Same here my ws lost 30 pounds while in her affair. Now almost 2 years later she has gained that back and more.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My wife lost weight due to the stress of her cheating and she looked horrible, she became too thin. Now she is back to her normal weight again.

I lost weight. She has been feeding me and I think she is fattening me up for the thanksgiving meal. LOL


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

JustGrinding said:


> Yep. My WS gained quite a bit of weight. I think it's a combination of the stress and the onset of pre-menopause/menopause.
> 
> She constantly complains about how she looks with the extra weight. She recently told me her weight gain doesn't really bother her that much, but is worried that I don't find her attactive. *She told me she "hopes I can love her as she is." (This is after she had me buy her an incline trainer several years ago so she could stay in shape for POSOM.)*
> 
> I didn't say a word. I never do.


I wouldn't accept that. She was motivated to make herself more attractive for her OM, but after you two have reconciled, she feels zero motivation to try to maintain her attractiveness for you. 

There wasn't or isn't any infidelity in my marriage, but that doesn't mean that I automatically "shut it down" just because I'm married. I'll admit freely that for 7 years I wasted time being fat and complacent. I had enough and I'm working out and eating right for myself and for my wife and kids. I'm making good progress, and to be honest, even though I know that trying to make myself healthier and leaner should be for me first (and it is) - I also really want to get to the point where my wife will gasp over how hot I look naked. Complacency is a killer to all marriages. 

It's one thing to love someone for who they are in spite of those things you spouse has no control over. It's an entirely different thing to be asked to accept them as is when it's clearly obvious that they could easily make improvements but won't out of laziness or a lack of willpower to do so.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

BURNT KEP said:


> Same here my ws lost 30 pounds while in her affair. Now almost 2 years later she has gained that back and more.


You're in the same boat as JustGrinding is I see. No offense intended, but I question if either of your wives are truly "rehabilitated" from the error of cheating. What it sounds like to me is that they decided, for whatever reason, to start again with the both of you. So why did they feel content to go back to their pre-affair weights? IMHO, they did so because they want to go back to the way things used to be. Unfortunately, the way things used to be must have been lacking in some things because both wives felt the need to look for love and affection outside the marriage. 

Sorry if I offend, but I would take the notion that your wives said "fvck it" and went back to their heavier weights since they recommitted to the you is a slap in the face. It would tell me that you are not good enough for her to be motivated enough to look more attractive for you.

But what do I know. I've never been cheated on nor have I cheated. My wife and I have a solid marriage. So maybe I'm just an uninformed rube.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Medication can cause tremendous weight gains. Check them out.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Medication can cause tremendous weight gains. Check them out.


True, but if you are informed about what you are taking you can take actions to prevent most of the weight gain (if not all of it). Besides, from the stories on TAM it's normally the BS's that are on the meds due to the affair and on top of that they are dropping weight like crazy through shock initially and later working on themselves via exercise and diet.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Wow! Really interesting thread. Hardly seems fair that the WS gets in shape for their lover and their BS gets the heavier less attractive version. What concerns me is that the WS feel no desire or need to be attractive for their BS.....


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

My WS has been gaining weight, but it actually started during his affair (the OW was heavy, so apparently he didn't feel the need to get trim at that time). The weight has continued to go up since D-Day. I pack his lunch for work, but sometimes he'll go out and buy snacks or sides to go with it or even an additional lunch (I know because he uses his debit card - I'm not snooping AS much now but I do go online into his checking account twice a month to transfer money to my account because there are certain household bills that are auto debited from my account).

Stress eating???


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## Nepenthe (Sep 5, 2013)

The worst of all possible questions on so many different levels: "Honey, does this affair make my azz look big?"


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

Mine is dropping weight like crazy still. She has that hollow cheek thing going on. Stress it's a killer.


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

Believe it or not, it's likely STRESS. I'm a former wayward, and I gained 20+ pounds after GF moved out when for years I had never gained or lost more than a couple pounds from my usual weight. Gaining the 20+ was due to stress and depression. (But not everyone reacts to stress the same way - some gain weight, some lose weight.)

P.S. I felt more than ever the need to be attractive for my girl, but it was a losing battle while things were so bad between us. Now that things are improving, I'm sure I'll be able to lose the weight again.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> You're in the same boat as JustGrinding is I see. No offense intended, but I question if either of your wives are truly "rehabilitated" from the error of cheating. What it sounds like to me is that they decided, for whatever reason, to start again with the both of you.


I'll add my analysis. Its more than just going back to the way thing were. Its just the opposite of women motivated to make herself more attractive for her OM; women gain weight to make themselves less attractive to their husbands. That's most likely whats happened here. It goes back to what I've said--women who have boyfriends have lost romantic interest in there husbands and therefore being less likely to be pestered for sex by these guys if they become unattractive.


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## havenrose33 (Aug 7, 2013)

My husband dropped about 30 lbs ...I think making himself attractive to his other woman was a great motivation. He had been carried that weight around for the past 20 years of our marriage. It does make me wonder why it was so important to lose the weight within the past year. Since we have started working on our marriage...he has gained some back. But in all honesty....it has really bothered him and he is trying to get back into his healthy routine. The one good thing that came from his affair...was that I lost weight. At 50...I am the smallest that I have been. Have to admit its very nice wearing a size 4! But....I would take less stress over skinny....hands down!


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

My WS lost over 30lbs. before the affair started. But she was going to Zumba about 4 times a week. This was one issue that led to the affair, she was never home, she was either at work, at friends or at Zumba. I never saw her, and of course this effected our sex life. So while she was losing weight, not only was I not really appreciating it, I was actually resenting it. And of course she takes all this personally (I don't love her, don't find her attractive, don't notice all the work she's doing etc. etc etc.). So........... When someone does comment on it, well....

Anyway, since dday she's gained about twenty of it back. I haven't said anything, but she's brought it up. I've told her it's not an issue with me and resuming her old weight loss program may actually be a trigger, but we'll see. I don't see 4 nights of Zumba a week though.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

You know I didn't think about the weight loss thing from the perspective of the ws losing weight while cheating. Mine wife didn't lose weight during she *lost* weight right after dday and has gained the weight and more since then.
I would not stand for someone losing weight for the OP then after they were caught gaining it all back that definitely says the OP was more important to them then I am.
AH infidelity so many weird angles to look at there is always some new twists to add.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

love=pain said:


> You know I didn't think about the weight loss thing from the perspective of the ws losing weight while cheating. Mine wife didn't lose weight during she *lost* weight right after dday and has gained the weight and more since then.
> *I would not stand for someone losing weight for the OP then after they were caught gaining it all back that definitely says the OP was more important to them then I am.*
> 
> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> ...


That is unacceptable and only adds to the disrespect in my opinion...it says the BS was not good enough to be in shape for...Perhaps D-day should include a confession and a gym membership....


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Before he dumped me, he looked 9 months pregnant. Since then, he has gained about 50 more pounds. Not good for any man, but for a very short, already obese man, it is very bad. I have seen a picture of him and he looks awful. 

He used to call me "fat b1tch" and said he could do better. I have lost 65 pounds and look the way I did the day we got married 22 years ago. I can't lose anymore without it being unhealthy. He can kiss my skinny @ss! On second thought, I'd rather not have him touch me. I can do better! :smthumbup:


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

love=pain said:


> Since D day, well a few months after (like me she lost some weight during the several weeks after dday) my Ws has gained about 30lbs.
> First I have no problem with the weight gain but more with my thoughts of why she has gained the weight.
> She has always been about the same weight (except for when she was pregnant) 5 or 10 lbs up or down now and then but always about the same been that way for 20 years.
> However since dday and of course me monitoring her whereabouts and her no longer going out with friends either work or her girlfriends the weight has come on. I think the reason for this is she no longer is out to impress anyone( a term some here don't like but here it is her sex rank) she is not in any position to flirt or even be around other men. She has not complained about the loss of freedom and she has accepted the boundaries we put in place so I am not saying she is doing this on purpose, her eating habits haven't changed very much and it could really be that at her age (42) her metabolism is starting to slow down. But just maybe on some subconscious level her body is saying what's the point we don't have to be attractive to anyone else.
> Has anyone else noticed this in their WS? Stupid to even think this way? One thing about being cheated on if they said you didn't pay attention to them before you sure do now any little change is up for scrutiny.


You should probably dump her for a younger, slimmer woman before she really becomes fat.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Anuvia said:


> You should probably dump her for a younger, slimmer woman before she really becomes fat.


Seems like a rude comment to me or maybe you were just being sarcastic, I am not bothered by the weight gain just by the possible reasons behind it.


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

FWH has always had a "winter weight" and a "summer weight". I did notice during his A that he had not gained his usual winter weight (even said to myself, "If I didn't know him better, I'd think he had a GF:scratchhead:"
At 6'3", his summer weight is usually around 218-220, and in the cooler months he usually goes around 235. 
This summer he has maintained his winter weight. Someone actually mentioned to him that "Mama might not like it" and he replied something to the effect that Mama might be inclined to reach out and touch someone with a crowbar on their forehead if she caught them looking. So, in a twisted little way, it's my take that he's trying to show me he's NOT trying to attract looks from the opposite sex? He has told me he will never look another GD woman in the eyes as long as he lives. Perhaps he's trying to prevent them from even getting close enough to see his?
He still looks good at this weight, but doesn't feel good because of the back surgery. The added weight is painful to carry even though he still doesn't qualify as "overweight", and he doesn't feel attractive at his winter weight.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Nepenthe said:


> The worst of all possible questions on so many different levels: "Honey, does this affair make my azz look big?"


LOL "But your azz IS big, in fact I see you have two satellites orbiting it now its so effing HUUUUGGGGEEE!!!" 

Of course the real answer is the 5th amendment. I refuse to answer that question on the basis that there is no correct answer and that any answer I may give will be used against me - FOREVER.

Funny how spouses think they are sold goods and now can stop caring. shrug.

Not dumb enough to complain tho. No apparent relationship here between my wifes EA tho that may be because it "was just" an EA. BMI 34 before and after her EA. sigh. Hers was 24 when we met. Mine is now 24. Was 26 when we met. I keep my weight in check for me. I feel good. When it is raining I can even run into work from far parking without getting winded much.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My wife also went to the tanning salon. It did not make sense to me at the time. She did that for the XOM. But her weight loss was unhealthy. I never liked her that skinny. Heck she was buying kid's clothes for a while.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> You're in the same boat as JustGrinding is I see. No offense intended, but I question if either of your wives are truly "rehabilitated" from the error of cheating. What it sounds like to me is that they decided, for whatever reason, to start again with the both of you. So why did they feel content to go back to their pre-affair weights? IMHO, they did so because they want to go back to the way things used to be. Unfortunately, the way things used to be must have been lacking in some things because both wives felt the need to look for love and affection outside the marriage.
> 
> Sorry if I offend, but I would take the notion that your wives said "fvck it" and went back to their heavier weights since they recommitted to the you is a slap in the face. It would tell me that you are not good enough for her to be motivated enough to look more attractive for you.
> 
> But what do I know. I've never been cheated on nor have I cheated. My wife and I have a solid marriage. So maybe I'm just an uninformed rube.


1) You can't preface a comment with "no offense intended" then say what you like. 

2) I don't see it as a slap in the face that my ex has gained weight. I simply don't care about it.

3) For someone that has not, to his knowledge, been cheated on you have some strong opinions on quite specific aspects. This is fine if it doesn't involve being offensive or calling a betrayed for "accepting" something. It does not benefit anyone; it's not a situation where a 2x4 is needed, so you are simply making somebody feel worse. Clearly, betrayed spouses aren't as clever as you as your marriage is so perfect. 

Your final, sarcastic, comment and that you feel the need to make it says an awful lot about you and your opinion of those that have been betrayed.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Chris989 said:


> 1) You can't preface a comment with "no offense intended" then say what you like.


Why not, my WW seems to think she can say whatever she feels at the time as long as she prefaces it with, "you want to know why I cheated..."

Isn't this the equivalent???:scratchhead:


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> But what do I know. I've never been cheated on nor have I cheated. My wife and I have a solid marriage. So maybe I'm just an uninformed rube.



That you know. Remember the 80% of all infidelities go undetected, and we all said the same thing you are at one point in our lives. Don't get too comfortable in your glass house (and no I don't wish this pain on you or anyone else).


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