# Finally, liberated from my abuser...



## Ismile (Oct 22, 2009)

Hello
I have finally been rescued from my abusive husband! My H fits the "emotional and verbal abuser" definition to a T. As of a couple days ago I am no longer a resident of the west coast (of the US). Of course nothing is official but my dad and I drove my car, and clothes and personal items I could grab quickly, across country and back to where my parents live.

Much to my surprise, soon after our wedding five months ago, my husband has become increasingly abusive. It is mostly verbal and emotional abuse but he has gotten increasingly physical and I refuse to wait around until he gives me a serious bruise that won't heal. So with that, I moved out and am currently living in a state of disbelief with my parents. 


I am tired of the abuse and the toll it has taken on my self esteem. In a matter of months my husband has worn away my confidence. For the first time in my life I am emotionally numb and constantly question whether or not all of this is my fault. I have hope that with the help of those around me and a counselor, I will be able to rebuild and become the happy and optimistic woman I once was. 

My question is this: *To those who can relate, is it at all possible to reconcile with my husband*? Right now he is only taking responsibility for a fraction of the abuse and he does not consider it abuse. He says that his family members "are passionate people in which heated arguments are normal. They (and he) are very passionate which can be interpreted wrongly (which he says I have done)." I am sorry but after talking to a professional, I know that there is no way you can call slamming me into a wall a simple act of passion. Passion, maybe, abuse, most definitely. He promises to seek counseling and that he loves me and wants to work this out. Before now I saw divorce as the easy way out, and never considered it to be a possibility in my life. Now, though, I do not see any hope in reconciling with my husband. I may be naive though. Is it truly possible? 

Thank you for your time. I appreciate any and all help.


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Congratulations on your freedom! Second, I wouldn't even consider getting back with him until there are a number of steps taken. 

Your father has truly shown his love for you once again in driving the distance that he has driven in order to secure your safety. No one deserves to be hit, punched, thrown around, kicked, and God only knows whatever else. Verbal abuse on top of that is just another one of his control tactics to "keep you in your place". I am glad that you were able to escape with your life and limbs in tact. Him moving you so far away from your family being an abuser was just another one of his tactics.

Right now, you need to focus on you and for you to get yourself back on your feet. Feel the love from your family and let that nurture you back to health. For the time being, do not even consider reconciliation until he has gotten some serious health. Being in love with someone doesn't mean that you have to take a beating. No matter what the circumstance.

I do hope that you are able to find some inner peace.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I am so excited to see you post about this! How wonderful that you took the steps to take care of yourself! 

I agree that this is not the time to try to answer any questions about the future. Relax, enjoy your release, and continue counseling. Maybe, in several months (or years, depending on things), you *might* want to consider it. I don't know the "success rate" for reformed abusers so I cannot speak of it as possible or impossible. A professional can guide you. God bless an good luck!


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I agree with the others...take your time.

Coming from someone who didn't realize that she had been with an emotional abuser until she divorced him...he won't change without counseling. It took my ex going through one more fiancee with the same result before he went. I'll admit he is a much changed person.. at least from my interactions with him. He must want to change in order for it to stick. But don't do anything until you have recovered who you are and your self esteem and confidence are high once more.


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## whyminvrsatsfd (Nov 28, 2009)

Those heated arguments may one day end up getting you killed. Thats what your Dad thinks too. What will your Dad say if you go back? He doesnt want to worry about you. H says those things to be able to still "control" your actions. Even if he went to counselling and became Ward Cleaver, you'll still wait for the stick of dynamite to explode. Good luck and embrace your family and friends right now. They will help you heal. You'll still look for his calls and texts...but after some time passes, so will the urge to look for his attention.


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