# Insesitive comments from husband



## Stefin (Apr 21, 2021)

Hello everyone, 
I just wanted to get this out of my system. my husband who is usually very loving and caring can sometimes be very insensitive. I showed him a an old photograph of me and my dad. And he laughed and said my dad looked like a joker. I felt very hurt by his comment. How should I deal with this kind of insensitivity?
I love my dad and my husband but sometimes I feel I am in the middle of a tug of war!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Stefin said:


> I showed him a an old photograph of me and my dad. And he laughed and said my dad looked like a joker.


Well, did he? 

It's not like he called him Satan incarnate. Is this a hill you want to die on?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Did you tell him you felt hurt by his comment? If so what did he say?


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

I'd tell him you thought his comment was a bit insensitive and leave it at that, it isn't worth a fight...


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

Stefin said:


> I showed him a an old photograph of me and my dad. And he laughed and said my dad looked like a joker.


Did you ask him what he meant by that? If I heard that, I’d take it as he looks like someone who likes to joke around and make folks laugh. When people say someone was the class clown, I don’t take it as them saying that person was a loser - just one who liked to get others laughing.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Stefin said:


> sometimes I feel I am in the middle of a tug of war!


Is there more to this story? If you feel like ^this due to that one comment, which may not even have been derogatory, you're gonna have a tough row to hoe.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Why calling someone a joker a bad thing?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Stefin said:


> Hello everyone,
> I just wanted to get this out of my system. my husband who is usually very loving and caring can sometimes be very insensitive. I showed him a an old photograph of me and my dad. And he laughed and said my dad looked like a joker. I felt very hurt by his comment. How should I deal with this kind of insensitivity?
> I love my dad and my husband but sometimes I feel I am in the middle of a tug of war!


Be careful, your actions may be training your H to give no responses to your showing hims things in the future.

The real question you should focus on is what are his actions toward your father and does he give your father respect and friendship when they are together?

Good luck.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Without making light of this, it is in our job description to be insensitive at times. All husbands do it, we don't realise we do it at the time and are generally apologetic (though often bemused) when it is pointed out to us
If this is a one off, then I think you have to decide if you can let it go. If you can't, I would raise it gently as others have mentioned. If it is more than that then alternative action is probably required. 
However, please don't let it fester.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I don't see the foul....

Now.....if he also called him a smoker and a midnight toker, then it would be time to take the gloves off...


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

You are way too freaking sensitive and perhaps even more troublesome you lack a sense of humor.

Sorry if my comment hurt your feelings. The tissues are in aisle 2.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

When stuff like that happens -- when someone gets hurt by another's comments that are perceived to be mean or insensitive -- it is incumbent on the upset person to speak up & explain calmly what the problem is. I honestly don't know what the problem is with the comment. So I bet your husband has no idea you were upset. You have to talk to him so he knows for next time. If you don't speak up you are allowing this to snowball.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Trident said:


> You are way too freaking sensitive and perhaps even more troublesome you lack a sense of humor.
> 
> Sorry if my comment hurt your feelings. The tissues are in aisle 2.


Maybe it's the way I'm reading your comment - but is the OP your wife?

Nevermind, I think I realize that your second sentence related to the first. I really do need some new glasses (and forum comprehension too, perhaps).


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## Helping Hand (Sep 8, 2020)

Stefin said:


> Hello everyone,
> I just wanted to get this out of my system. my husband who is usually very loving and caring can sometimes be very insensitive. I showed him a an old photograph of me and my dad. And he laughed and said my dad looked like a joker. I felt very hurt by his comment. How should I deal with this kind of insensitivity?
> I love my dad and my husband but sometimes I feel I am in the middle of a tug of war!


Does he not like your dad ? Or did he have had any debate in the past ?

Calling a joker isn’t wrong at all, but yes, he must respect your feelings as well.

There are humans who speak their heart without having a second thought. He seem to be that type.

Now, a solution :
Tell me if its okay if you too start calling his parents that way , and let me know his spontaneous reaction.

Cheers !


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> OP your wife?


I could never marry someone who lacks a sense of humor.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Can't really answer without understanding the bigger picture as it sounds like you think there are issues between him and your father. As far as it being insensitive, there again, it depends on the nature of your relationship with things like this. Some relationships are very open and casual - just speak your mind and people don't get sensitive. The danger of course is that at times you can "go too far" and touch on topics that people are sensitive to (EVERYONE has those). In that case, it's just common sense....tell him!

Honey I know you didn't mean anything by it but you know my dad_______(fill in the blank) and so i'm a little sensitive to remarks like that. Please keep it to yourself in the future. Easy.


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