# Women's opinions needed - re: flirting



## DaddyDaughterDances (Sep 9, 2011)

My wife and I have been through a rocky period the past month and a half, and now things seem to be on the road to recovery for us. We were discussing the way I "flirt" with her tonight and she stated that I was too overtly sexual when I try to flirt. This got us into a discussion about how I SHOULD be flirting with her after being together for just about 20 years. Initially she said I should just flirt the way I would have back in the beginning, but after talking about it we both agreed that after all this time spent together some things from back then just wouldn't have the same "flirtatious" meaning.

So, the question is: How do I go about flirting with my wife after 20 years without being too sexual about it? 

Any ideas?

Thanks!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I am not the woman to ask , I often wish my husband was more dirty about it. Ha ha


MANY women want a more Romantic tone set with them .... made to feel like you LOVE her more than you LUST for her, not the gropers language, personally I love them both equally. 

Give examples of what she is not liking in your style.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I picked up a book called "The Art of Seduction". It's an interesting read so far and it might help give you different ideas, including how to switch things up to keep things interesting.

Also if she mentioned how you flirted back in the beginning, maybe it doesn't need to be the same way but I'm sure there'd be some kind of 'theme' that you could translate back into your relationship now. Did you romance her more? Perhaps there's something you might notice about the way you were in the beginning that your wife likes? You can get her to keep wanting you, to keep those butterflies fluttering... pay close attention to her cues with you.

I'm not sure how helpful these tips will be for you, or if she would still consider this too sexual, but perhaps you could gently push her hair to one side and kiss the back of her neck when she least expects it. Do it slowly. Whisper to her that she's beautiful. Walk away. Maybe something like that? Something that I've loved is when my H has come to pick me up for a date (yes, picked me up - once in a while he will leave the house before I'm ready just so that he can knock at the door to pick me up) and asked "May I?" then he's taken my hand, slowly placed a kiss and looked back up at me with seductive eyes. He's only done this a handful of times which also seems to contribute to it's affect on me. The way he does this, just makes me melt. Try to find out more about what your wife likes.... best wishes!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Lots of different ways to flirt with your wife. My husband is a pro. Here's some of the things that he does:

* Walks up behind me when I'm in the kitchen, sweeps my hair back, kisses or smells my neck, then winks at me and walks away.

* Pats my bottom when I get out of the car and growls at me.

* Holds my hand when we go out.

* Waggles his eyebrows and winks at me as we pass in the hallway. Sometimes accompanied by a flirty comment.

* Rushes me when I'm in the laundry room - pins me up against the wall, gives me a passionate kiss, then walks away.

* Chases me around the house, picks me up.

* Sends me silly or mildly sexual texts during the day (find out whether your wife likes romantic or dirty stuff)

My H knows that I don't go for the groping, rough stuff - we had too much of that in our early marriage and it totally turned me off. Find out which approach your wife prefers.

Do you know what 'love language' your wife is? Does she like gifts? You can leave small notes/cards/candy/trinkets for her to find - in her underwear drawer, purse, pocket of a coat.

More ideas: Flirt With the One You Love -- Why You Should Flirt With Your Spouse


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am not the woman to ask , I often wish my husband was more dirty about it. Ha ha
> 
> 
> MANY women want a more Romantic tone set with them .... made to feel like you LOVE her more than you LUST for her, not the gropers language, personally I love them both equally.
> ...



For so many years I thought I had to do the romantic thing with my beautiful one but really wanted it more dirty. Guess I thought it would be disrespectful or she would think less of me so didn't push that stuff. 

Low and behold after all these years I find out she most absolutely has a very dirty side she has hidden too. Yahhhhh for me! Good times!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

DaddyDaughterDances said:


> My wife and I have been through a rocky period the past month and a half, and now things seem to be on the road to recovery for us. We were discussing the way I "flirt" with her tonight and she stated that I was too overtly sexual when I try to flirt. This got us into a discussion about how I SHOULD be flirting with her after being together for just about 20 years. Initially she said I should just flirt the way I would have back in the beginning, but after talking about it we both agreed that after all this time spent together some things from back then just wouldn't have the same "flirtatious" meaning.
> 
> So, the question is: How do I go about flirting with my wife after 20 years without being too sexual about it?
> 
> ...


What on earth is wrong with being sexual.......*with your wife??*

So many women are high maintenance. They read too many romance novels and watch too many soap operas, so they expect their men to be romantic _all the time_. This attitude is unfair and unrealistic.

I love romance too, but I realize that it is not needed every minute.

How about leaving love notes where she can find them?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Lots of different ways to flirt with your wife. My husband is a pro. Here's some of the things that he does:
> 
> * Walks up behind me when I'm in the kitchen, sweeps my hair back, kisses or smells my neck, then winks at me and walks away.
> 
> ...


Sounds like your husband knows how to thrill a woman, you lucky girl you! :smthumbup:

I get constant butt slaps. My husband loves to come up behind me and grind into my bottom.  We always hold hands when we go out as well.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Lots of different ways to flirt with your wife. My husband is a pro. Here's some of the things that he does:
> 
> * Walks up behind me when I'm in the kitchen, sweeps my hair back, kisses or smells my neck, then winks at me and walks away.
> 
> ...


These ideas are pure gold! My husband does a lot of these. I like romantic or raunchy, he keeps it interesting by switching back and forth. Our kids see us doing the non-sexual, silly things and they run around yelling "PURPLE!" That's our family word for adult "kissy, kissy, goo-goo" things (as our 7-year-old puts it). It's fun, and the kids don't seem embarrassed like they do when they see minor on-screen romance. I like that they see mom and dad have fun together.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

DaddyDaughterDances said:


> My wife and I have been through a rocky period the past month and a half, and now things seem to be on the road to recovery for us. We were discussing the way I "flirt" with her tonight and she stated that I was too overtly sexual when I try to flirt. This got us into a discussion about how I SHOULD be flirting with her after being together for just about 20 years. Initially she said I should just flirt the way I would have back in the beginning, but after talking about it we both agreed that after all this time spent together some things from back then just wouldn't have the same "flirtatious" meaning.
> 
> So, the question is: How do I go about flirting with my wife after 20 years without being too sexual about it?
> 
> ...


I wonder if your wife might be feeling that you only flirt with her when you want something sexual? Which I'm sure she'd agree is fun sometimes, but can seem like a means to an end and pretty insincere if that's all it's about.

I find a lot of my flirting is just pure silliness and hyperbole.... over the top, but sincere comments about "my hero" when he reaches something down from a high place or "oooh Arnold" when he opens pickles. Or maybe if he comes up with one of those totally simple lightbulb solutions to something that's been puzzling me--"and that's why I love you...you're the smartest boy in the world!" 

He knows I appreciate his help, his strength and when he can see through what I've been staring at so long, but a little over-the-top and batting eyelashes makes us both smile, you know? And while sexy flirting can be lots of fun too...it might not be as appreciated all the time as a moment of silliness. Kind of makes you think about other times and places you can have fun together....ya know??


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Flirting with your wife is a constant all day every day thing to some extent.

I`m always letting her know I like being around her and am less happy when I`m not.

The best flirting is physical attention when there is not or can`t be any expectation of actual sex.

I rarely walk by my wife in the house without giving her a kiss or touching her in some way whether it`s inherently sexual or not.

I love when she`s doing the dishes because she can`t run or reject (not that she would) when I come up behind her as her hands are elbow deep in wet suds.

Wrap your arms around her, kiss the back of her neck, tell her you have trouble keeping your hands off her then walk away.
Chances are when she`s done with those dishes she`ll go looking for you for more kisses.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> Sounds like your husband knows how to thrill a woman, you lucky girl you! :smthumbup:
> 
> I get constant butt slaps. My husband loves to come up behind me and grind into my bottom.  We always hold hands when we go out as well.


I am lucky. Didn't really appreciate that until I started to cruise around some marriage forums. 

My H's flirting was really overt and somewhat vulgar at the beginning of our marriage (we're married 23 years now). It's toned down a lot.

But it still is interesting that he uses his 'love language' of physical touch to flirt in. Mine is 'words of affirmation' - if he wrote me a love letter, a homemade card, or just talked to me more about his feelings/desires I'd probably be a huge puddle of lust at his feet. Even though we did the love language thing together, he still hasn't figured that one out yet. Hope that doesn't make me too high maintenance.  But, I still appreciate the physical connection that happens with his kind of flirting, and I am reciprocating flirting with him (that's been pretty easy so far - just flash him and he is happy as a clam.)

I think if the man can figure out what his wife is in tune with, he can capture that in his flirting and then *watch out*. Fair warning!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Enchantment said:


> I am lucky. Didn't really appreciate that until I started to cruise around some marriage forums.
> 
> My H's flirting was really overt and somewhat vulgar at the beginning of our marriage (we're married 23 years now). It's toned down a lot.


Flirting is a funny thing, I SWEAR to you , it is HORMONE & mindset driven. When I was younger, and somewhat sexually repressed, I had very little interest in flirting. I used to think of those "Course Joking" scriptures & just felt it was sinful or something. I think deep down I liked it but yet pushed it away. Guys who came on to me like that, I told myself they were all dogs. 

But Romance I always loved-that was a given. Then when my sex drive came on like a Niagra Falls, I literally became a FLIRTING MACHINE, there was no other verbal speech I wanted to engage in more so! I would even get mad at my husband for NOT groping me more, kinda nuts! I sure was groping him! Ha ha 

The hormones have calmed but mentally I still love it all ! 

Enchantment, when your husband was young, he was just feeling it REALLY STRONG, it is LUST filled after all , he couldn't help himself !


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Enchantment, when your husband was young, he was just feeling it REALLY STRONG, it is LUST filled after all , he couldn't help himself !


Yah - I just wish that I had been more mature and thoughtful back then! I would get all bent out of shape because I thought he was disrespecting me and only seeing me as a sex toy.

I had NO IDEA that he was trying to convey to me his love - couldn't see it then. I finally understand it now, though. So I deeply appreciate all of the flirting he does - whether it is love letters or love pats that are involved.


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## DaddyDaughterDances (Sep 9, 2011)

There are some GREAT ideas in here and definitely some equally GREAT advice! Thanks for all the responses so far!

She mentioned this to me the other night. We were planning to sit in bed and surf the web looking for Halloween costume ideas for a party we're going to in October. I turned to head back to the kitchen to grab a Diet Coke and I jokingly (flirtingly?) said to her "make sure you're in bed and naked when I get back". Earlier in the day she texted me from work asking how I thought we should spend the evening. My response was simply ""have sex", then the next text I sent about a minute later was "or something other than sex I suppose" with a smiley. And then occasionally I'll just throw out random invites for sex just because I guess I think it's funny. 

While she's not annoyed about my "sex flirting" she just said the other night that it's not what she ALWAYS wants. All the suggestions for random touching and coming up behind her and kissing her neck are spot on...I do those things as well. I very much like to show her my affection for her with non-sexual touching (arms/hands around the waist, running my hand across her back as we pass by each other, random kisses on the cheek, etc). What I think she's getting at is more of what Angel said just above...the verbal stuff. 

I love the ideas here and will make a "master list" of it all to refer back to until it all becomes more natural! Someday I'll let her know she has all of you to thank for helping me get it straight. :-D


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