# Wall around heart



## pennerosa (Feb 13, 2010)

Feeling like i have a wall around my heart!! Married for 19 years, two wonderful children 18 and 16. Dated my husband since 14 years of age and married 5 years later.( seemed like the thing to do) . Have had many rocky years over the past, left him a few times for short periods lasting only up to 4 days. Now we have been separated for 3 weeks. My husband was always grumping about something, very hard on the kids to where i felt it was verbal abuse, has led to some physical abuse to my son which happened just over a year ago which i know that was my biggest turning point , lost alot of respect for him. 4 years ago when we did split up i did have an affair on him, i reconized why i got to that point with the grumping , complaining and controlling behaviors, needless to say we did get back together then and i did tell him about the affair ..he said he forgave me but there were times he would bring it up..which i dont blame him for at all... he also at that time realized too why i got to that point. Now the last 4 years we have been ..i guess kinda happy..he thought we were ok..he went back to his old self of complaining and i felt the kids and i were always walking on eggshells. i would hide things from him that the kids did..just to avoid and outburst. Now after we have split..he has totally changed, going to church, counsilling( we both have our own) But the way i feel is like there is a big wall around my heart...as though i have no emotions towards him or our marriage. Feel guilty for not feeling anything?? Has anyone else had this..does it come back ??? Am i cruel??? Help please


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

Emotional and verbal abuse are very destructive. It is very encouraging that you stood up for yourself and your children and left him. Let him work for your love and trust. You lived with that behavior for years...he needs to decide to change and then PROVE it, before you return to him. Don't continue to live in that.

It is probably a good idea to talk to someone professional about how you think/feel. It is nice just to get some outside perspective and begin to work on yourself. You have probably neglected so much about yourself in order to take care of him, and keep him "happy." 

Counseling helped me alot...and it might be good to see a family counselor a few times...to have your children be able to speak to someone about how they feel...this has deeply affected them as well.


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