# Sex life is rubbish



## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

Me and wife have been married 14 years have 3 children. Its nothing to do with the kids but i wanted to know how everyone else sex life is going.

When we do have sex which is very rare. Only about once every 3 months and thats if im lucky. Wife never initiates it so its all down to me. 
My wife only likes one position her on top and when she finished she gets off doesnt matter if i finish or not and if i cum before her she goes beserk so i got to wait for her first. (Seems more like a chore than enjoyable).

She doesnt do oral or anything. Says she doesnt like it. Wont even let me lick her or let me play with her so i just gotta lie there. It hasnt always been like this When we first got married sex was great she used to let me tie her up and loved 69 and was very adventourous. When i ask her whats change she tells me there nothing wrong. 

Im getting so bored with marriage in general its not just the sex. Im just wondering whats happened to everyone elses life?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Me and wife have been married 14 years have 3 children. Its nothing to do with the kids but i wanted to know how everyone else sex life is going.
> 
> When we do have sex which is very rare. Only about once every 3 months and thats if im lucky. Wife never initiates it so its all down to me.
> My wife only likes one position her on top and when she finished she gets off doesnt matter if i finish or not and if i cum before her she goes beserk so i got to wait for her first. (Seems more like a chore than enjoyable).
> ...


Sounds like you got the old bait and switch.


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

I dont know how to leave. As i dont want to just walk out on the kids. Any suggestions? I have tried talking but wife wont listen to me and just says im moaning at her


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

And she always goes to bed really early too. Its not like she tried as i said she doesnt do nothing


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I fail to understand how getting a divorce is "walking out on your kids". Sharing your kids 50/50 custody isn't walking out on your kids.


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

I dont want them to resent me for leaving them as i know she will turn them against me even maybe stop me seeing them. Whicch im afraid of


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I’m getting divorced for similar reasons. You’re not alone. My stbx proved she can still get sexually excited, just not with me. Good luck brother. I have no advice except if you read here others stories, it rarely gets better.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

“Wife, this marriage isn’t working for me. I’m not happy, I’m not fulfilled, and you don’t seem to care. Are you asking me to decide between staying with you and being unhappy for the rest of my life or divorcing you?”


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> I dont want them to resent me for leaving them as i know she will turn them against me even maybe stop me seeing them. Whicch im afraid of


If you have a good lawyer she will not be able to do that. You have rights.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> I dont want them to resent me for leaving them as i know she will turn them against me even maybe stop me seeing them. Whicch im afraid of


That's what lawyers/courts/GALs/counselors are for.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

First check for medical issues. Is she on anti-depressants or any other medication. Some of those can destroy someone libido. 

But - since she just wants one selfish thing, maybe she is just a selfish uncaring lover - in which case you need to decide what you want to do. Certainly there is no reason for you to put up with one-sided sex.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

uhtred said:


> First check for medical issues. Is she on anti-depressants or any other medication. Some of those can destroy someone libido.
> 
> But - since she just wants one selfish thing, maybe she is just a selfish uncaring lover - in which case you need to decide what you want to do. Certainly there is no reason for you to put up with one-sided sex.


Yeah... What she's doing isn't lack of libido, it's outright terrible mistreatment. Don't know how you can stand to remain in a relationship with someone who does that to you, what you described about your sexual encounters. I'm amazed you can even perform with her. If a man did that to me more than once I'd never have sex with him again.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Me and wife have been married 14 years have 3 children. Its nothing to do with the kids but i wanted to know how everyone else sex life is going.
> 
> When we do have sex which is very rare. Only about once every 3 months and thats if im lucky. Wife never initiates it so its all down to me.
> My wife only likes one position her on top and when she finished she gets off doesnt matter if i finish or not and if i cum before her she goes beserk so i got to wait for her first. (Seems more like a chore than enjoyable).
> ...


Hello James,
I experienced the same thing in my marriage, it never got better. He stopped having sex with me, didn't want to be adventurous AT ALL, then had the gall to cheat on me. Luckily for us, we had no children our divorce was final last Friday... after nearly 13 yrs of marraige and 19 yrs together.

Don't let the time pass on you, and leave you beaten down, not knowing who you are or even what you want anymore. The fact that she want to get off, but is disinterested in your needs in incredibly selfish and heartless. I don't know what medical condition could explain that, but I'm no doctor. Don't let her fob you off, you guys need a real come to Jesus talk. If she won't listen to you, you need to tell her you're going to marriage counseling. 

Do you have a support system for you? I know how lonely and heartbreaking it is to lie near to the one person in the world you want to be loved by and have to just bear it. That was me for 10 yrs.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Me and wife have been married 14 years have 3 children. Its nothing to do with the kids but i wanted to know how everyone else sex life is going.
> 
> When we do have sex which is very rare. Only about once every 3 months and thats if im lucky. Wife never initiates it so its all down to me.
> My wife only likes one position her on top and when she finished she gets off doesnt matter if i finish or not and if i cum before her she goes beserk so i got to wait for her first. (Seems more like a chore than enjoyable).
> ...





Jamesjones10123 said:


> I dont know how to leave. As i dont want to just walk out on the kids. Any suggestions? I have tried talking but wife wont listen to me and just says im moaning at her


My 2 cents. 
I came close to divorcing my wife. In stead I did a lot of reading, improved myself and the way I treated my wife. I fixed myself so that either my wife or the next woman in my life would be attracted to me. Then I got my wife to start sex therapy with a great marriage counselor.

My advise is read MW Danis a sex starved marriage, Chapmans 5 languages of love, the Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy. 


Really study them until you understand. Then fix and heal yourself. Forgive your wife of all the pain she has inflicted on you. Figure out a plan for your life. Offer your wife a chance to be part of it. Focus on your health and the emotional and financial health of your children. Your wife can figure out what she wants,

Get marriage counseling therapy with aboard certified sex therapist. Focus on a plan for you to get the happiness you need in your life.

Good luck.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Jamesjones 1012, EleGirl is right. Seed a layer ASAP.


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

“To love and cherish” guess your wife forgot about that vow

Get in the best shape of your life. Don’t spend any time discussing sex with your wife. Focus on you and the kids. Do this for 6 months. If you don’t see changes with your wife, get a hold of an attorney.


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

Thanks all for your replies. 

She doesnt have any sort of medical condition and is not on any sort or medication. When we first got married sex was great she was very adventorous. But i dont know what happened but she not interested anymore. I did ask when we did it last if we could change positions and try something knew but she ignored me and did the same old thing. 
I need some fun in my life and i dont know what to do for the best


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Thanks all for your replies.
> 
> She doesnt have any sort of medical condition and is not on any sort or medication. When we first got married sex was great she was very adventorous. But i dont know what happened but she not interested anymore. I did ask when we did it last if we could change positions and try something knew but she ignored me and did the same old thing.
> I need some fun in my life and i dont know what to do for the best


She is obviously doing it to please you... she is not interested but she has sex with you occasionally, so you don't complain too much... :smile2: It's the luck of the draw. It happens. Some husbands go bezerk and divorce others accept it and stay for the kids... how old are the children?


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

Kids are 15. 13 and 8


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Kids are 15. 13 and 8


ok... 8 is quite young and a challenging age... it's up to you really. I ended up staying another 10 years... in fact, I'm still here, but for different reasons. We don't really have a marriage anymore.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Thanks all for your replies.
> 
> She doesnt have any sort of medical condition and is not on any sort or medication. When we first got married sex was great she was very adventorous. But i dont know what happened but she not interested anymore. I did ask when we did it last if we could change positions and try something knew but she ignored me and did the same old thing.
> I need some fun in my life and i dont know what to do for the best


Seems your W is not sexually interested in you. I would recommend to start working on you as others have posted. Change of wardrobe. Make plans with your friends.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Me and wife have been married 14 years have 3 children. Its nothing to do with the kids but i wanted to know how everyone else sex life is going.
> 
> Im getting so bored with marriage in general its not just the sex. Im just wondering whats happened to everyone elses life?


Classic - she got what she wanted from you, so why should she work/put out to you any more? 14yrs the baby driving hormones have done their thing, you've supplied what you we supposed to; evolution says you're supposed to take the hint and wander off elsewhere.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Sadly, all too common. Do yourself a favor and make this your last marriage. Sex is good for the first year or two of a relationship, then falls off a cliff more often than not, based upon my experience and the stories I read. Also, sex is all too often weaponized bad relationships.


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

I need some fun in my life. Its not all about sex its my life is general. 
I dont know what to do for the best


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> I dont know how to leave. As i dont want to just walk out on the kids. Any suggestions? I have tried talking but wife wont listen to me and just says im moaning at her


Is she the dominant one in the relationship?
What are you doing to keep her attracted? We ask this of women all the time.
You need to sit her down and lay your cards put, not dance around the issuem


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

aine said:


> Is she the dominant one in the relationship?
> What are you doing to keep her attracted? We ask this of women all the time.
> You need to sit her down and lay your cards put, not dance around the issuem


More info here...

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/new-member-forum-introduce-yourself/439723-hi.html


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

I have told her what i want and what im interested in. But she still just pushes me away. She wont even let me touch her body she pushes me off.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> I need some fun in my life. Its not all about sex its my life is general.
> I dont know what to do for the best


Does your wife have any "control" issues? Any resentment stuff in the back of her mind that needs to be explored?

Don't overlook the possibility that, to her, getting married was a solution to a problem she had, some sort of past trauma. 

And ask her about her marriage. I say "her" deliberately. Does she tell everyone she has a happy marriage? She just might. Then point out that there are two people in a marriage and one person being happy with how things are doesn't equal a happy marriage.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I always say this when it comes for staying for the kids. I have a friend who married a women whose parents stayed for the kids. They had a business partnership with no affection or love. It was a completely a platonic partnership. So this friend's wife has not shown him any affection in his marriage. She is from what he tells me a good working partner just like the example her parents have given, sounds like she is also willing to give him passionless sex to a reasonable degree. In his mind he is in a cold dead marriage and I would be surprised if they make it. 

Staying for the kids especially when your marriage is dead isn't always helping the kids. In this case this women has no idea how to be the kind of spouse most people want because it wasn't modeled for her. Even worse a very dysfunctional version of marriage was modeled for her. I hear her parents ended up divorcing anyway but late in life so their prospects and the financial hardship is worse. At least as far as I can tell they did their kids or themselves NO favors.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

did it change gradually or suddenly?



Jamesjones10123 said:


> Thanks all for your replies.
> 
> She doesnt have any sort of medical condition and is not on any sort or medication. When we first got married sex was great she was very adventorous. But i dont know what happened but she not interested anymore. I did ask when we did it last if we could change positions and try something knew but she ignored me and did the same old thing.
> I need some fun in my life and i dont know what to do for the best


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> I have told her what i want and what im interested in. But she still just pushes me away. She wont even let me touch her body she pushes me off.


JJ my man, I've said this time and time again. 1. The woman has lost romantic interest in you. 2. When they lose romantic interest, it never comes back. (maybe in one case out of ten thousand) 3. A woman who has no romantic interest in you don't give a rats azz what youre interested in, you touching her body, change positions trying something new, et cetera. You need to ask this chick some serious questions; since you're no longer happy with me and became an iceburg, why should we stay together. Or maybe, who's the other guy you're seeing.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> I need some fun in my life. Its not all about sex its my life is general.
> I dont know what to do for the best


What do you mean by "you need some fun in your life"?


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

You face a very common fact pattern for people who show up here. There are several things you can try. But the simple truth is that most of these problems never get better if you stay with your current spouse. Sad but true. No magic wands. No surefire solutions. Mostly a bunch of things to try for a few months, so you can be comfortable that you gave it a decent try before you called it quits.

1. Have the talk. Once. The message of the talk is NOT: "we need to have more sex". The core message is "without more sex, my love for you is steadily declining. I want it to switch to an upward trajectory. If there is anything I can do to help you preserve my love for you, let me know." No specific threats or ultimatums. Just informing her that your love for her is going down, and you would prefer to love her more and more over time, rather than less and less. But less and less is inevitable unless and until you guys have more sex. Once you have said that, never have the talk again. If she offers to talk more, "thanks honey, but we are way past the point where talking will resolve anything." 
2. Rock yourself. Hit the gym. Buckle down at work. Pay some attention to clothes and grooming if you have let those slide. If she asks you why, say "I want to be the best version of me I can be." Nothing about her. Nothing about the marriage. Nothing about sex. I want to be my best - for me.
3. Start having activities with guys. Get a happy hour buddy or spend time focusing on a hobby. If she comments that you aren't home as much, or aren't helping more with the kids or the chores, just smile and pat her on the head and joke how cute she is when she gets upset. She will get enraged. This is a test of whether she still has you twisted around her finger. Don't take the bait. Just keep smiling and whistle or hum a happy tune. Show her that she has zero ability to impact your mood.
4. Only accept sex if she is into it. If she offers, but it is clear she is just going to lie there silent and unmoving, then stop the session and walk away. Tell her "thanks babe, but this doesn't do anything for me. Sex is supposed to be a team sport. Let me know when you actually want to play."

It is entirely possible that you will do all these things, and she will pull away. It is possible it won't have any impact on her because the only thing she wants from you is your paycheck, so as long as you deposit that into the joint account every payday, she doesn't give a rat's patootie what you do. Or it is possible that she will file for divorce because she only wants to stay married to you if you are her servant, handyman and to chauffeur the kids at night. 

All of these outcomes are as or more likely to occur than she suddenly realizes how much she wants to have sex with you. But the "trick" is, if you hit the gym, rock it at work, improve your wardrobe and grooming, and spend more time with the guys, you will be in a much better place to deal with divorce and post-divorce life. So you are investing in your own future. If she wants to come along for the ride, she knows what the cost of admission is. If she doesn't want to pay it, too bad for her. And you are best of finding that out sooner rather than later.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Give my book a try. I have helped out thousands of men in your position. It's not guaranteed, but as far as I'm concerned it's the only true way to stay in your relationship and possibly reignite your sex life. At the worst, it will open your eyes to many dynamics within your relationship you weren't aware of, and you'll be that much more prepared for the next woman in your life.

*Click here: The Dead Bedroom Fix*


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> as i know she will turn them against me even maybe stop me seeing them. Whicch im afraid of


That sentence speaks volumes about the character of the woman you married. From my standpoint, if I even had a remote thought that my SO would ever do that, there would be no chance I would have married her. Only a VERY selfish person (one that puts herself over her own kids) would turn their kids against their own parent. Terrible to say the least.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

"as i know she will turn them against me even maybe stop me seeing them. Whicch im afraid of"

If that's the kind of woman I had, I couldn't stand to touch her.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

If my wife told me that I was "whining" for requesting sex and would not allow me to even touch her, the first thing that jumps to my mind is that she could be getting sex from another and did not want to cheat on her boy friend.


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## waynejoey (Jun 8, 2018)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Me and wife have been married 14 years have 3 children. Its nothing to do with the kids but i wanted to know how everyone else sex life is going.
> 
> When we do have sex which is very rare. Only about once every 3 months and thats if im lucky. Wife never initiates it so its all down to me.
> My wife only likes one position her on top and when she finished she gets off doesnt matter if i finish or not and if i cum before her she goes beserk so i got to wait for her first. (Seems more like a chore than enjoyable).
> ...


This sucks but it is very common. You'll have to decide just what kind of man you want to be. Are you the man who is completely controlled by his desire for sex and will do anything (like abandoning kids) to get it? Or will you plug into a new and completely different life source that will give you a whole new perspective and purpose in life?

You can run yourself ragged trying to figure out your wife's situation. You can't negotiate desire. Even if she turned on a dime tomorrow, it could just be for a season, there can still be dry seasons ahead. You have absolutely no control of the situation. You know what happens when people worry about things they cannot control? They go crazy!

The new life source my friend is Jesus. Living for Him will make you a better husband, better father, incredibly more attractive, more joyful, more peaceful, and overall just more successful in life.

So decide now - keep chasing something you will never catch (with her or anyone else) - or bring your family to our father in heaven and save the day! Call on His name and He will answer.

P.S. choose the latter and watch your sex life improve, maybe not in the way you envisioned it, but in a way that satisfies the very need you were trying to squash.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

"I dont know how to leave. As i dont want to just walk out on the kids. Any suggestions? I have tried talking but wife wont listen to me and just says im moaning at her "

Leaving is not really a viable solution all round be cause you will still not get any more sex than you are getting now unless you just use Tinder and such foolishness. You will end up meeting someone who has split up with her SO for same reason and then you will have great sex for one year then start the decline. You need to try to solve the actual problem, which you currently do not know because the matter has not been discussed.

My understanding is that there are literally millions of people on earth who are starved of sex while in long term relationships. If they all left, who is there to provide them with sex. We all need to work together to provide a viable solution to this crisis. It impacts all of us as tempers rise at home, at work, in the streets and elsewhere. Any of us can be a victim of enents that happen privately in someone's bedroom. It is in our interest to sort these issues as a matter of urgency.
Imagine
1 how many women/men are not getting enough sex
2 How many men can't get it up
3 How many women never orgasm
4 How many People want oral/anal or other but their partner is not interested
5 How many women women with their partners could last more than a minute
6 Other serious sexual issues some of which we see here.
Imagine all the frustration spilling out of the homes onto the public arena and manifesting as violence and intolerance or silence or poor participation or indifference to life or depression or sadness or lack of confidence or revenge.
No we need to all take an attitude of helping to sort the issues out somehow. We also all pay for the cost of treating prostate cancer caused by our men not ejaculating enough in their lives, and who knows what diseases result from our women not having enough sex? I don't know where our sociologists are but they are neglecting this one aspect of life. 

Insist on going for counselling just so you both can listen to each other's points of views. When you have heard hers, then discuss solutions which include her point of view on the matter.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

MaiChi said:


> "I dont know how to leave. As i dont want to just walk out on the kids. Any suggestions? I have tried talking but wife wont listen to me and just says im moaning at her "
> 
> Leaving is not really a viable solution all round be cause you will still not get any more sex than you are getting now unless you just use Tinder and such foolishness. You will end up meeting someone who has split up with her SO for same reason and then you will have great sex for one year then start the decline. You need to try to solve the actual problem, which you currently do not know because the matter has not been discussed.
> 
> ...


I think this is complete utter nonsense.

Leaving a marriage in which your partner isn't sexually interested in you and won't have sex with you is a wonderful, viable, beautiful, and successful option. Being single can be healthier than being in a relationship in which you are sexually and/or emotionally rejected day after day.

There are _millions_ of men and women who leave sexless marriages and go on to find happy, healthy, mutually satisfying relationships with lots and lots of wonderful sex. 

You can't make someone want you sexually. You can try to fix relationship issues to try to fix sexual issues, but it takes two to do that, and it's not always, and not often, possible. Some people just aren't going to have a good relationship together. When that happens, ending the unhappy relationship ends the suffering and opens up the world of possibilities of finding a great partner in the future.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Livvie said:


> I think this is complete utter nonsense.
> 
> Leaving a marriage in which your partner isn't sexually interested in you and won't have sex with you is a wonderful, viable, beautiful, and successful option. Being single can be healthier than being in a relationship in which you are sexually and/or emotionally rejected day after day.
> 
> ...


People tend to be attracted to people of the same traits. So as humans we tend to make the same relational mistakes over and over again. So unless you know exactly where you have gone wrong and you know how to avoid it, you are more likely to find yourself in the same position than you have left. Counselling helps you to see where the problem is before you decide which method you can use to deal with it.

It took two people to decide to marry, so from then on all the following decisions should be made together. If together you decide to split then you split. To refuse to go for counselling means you can suggest another type of solution. You cannot just say you do not want to go unless you also say you are the problem, in which case you need to clarify your attitude and position.

The guilt of leaving the kids needs its own solution as the kids are the real victims in every such case. The adults separate because that is what suits them. Also remember that marriages do not die naturally. They are always murdered by one or both, and they can be resurrected at any time the two decide to do that.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

MaiChi said:


> People tend to be attracted to people of the same traits. So as humans we tend to make the same relational mistakes over and over again. So unless you know exactly where you have gone wrong and you know how to avoid it, you are more likely to find yourself in the same position than you have left. Counselling helps you to see where the problem is before you decide which method you can use to deal with it.
> 
> It took two people to decide to marry, so from then on all the following decisions should be made together. If together you decide to split then you split. To refuse to go for counselling means you can suggest another type of solution. You cannot just say you do not want to go unless you also say you are the problem, in which case you need to clarify your attitude and position.
> 
> The guilt of leaving the kids needs its own solution as the kids are the real victims in every such case. The adults separate because that is what suits them. Also remember that marriages do not die naturally. They are always murdered by one or both, and they can be resurrected at any time the two decide to do that.


Your response wasn't really a response to what you quoted from me.

Just because a man married a woman who much later decides she's not going to have sex with him anymore doesn't mean he's doomed to suffer the same result in a different relationship. People go their separate ways and go on to have awesome sex lives with someone else all of the time. 

Some people change with time that's unpredictable. Just because your wife turned out to be a sexual dud years into a marriage doesn't necessarily mean that A. It can be fixed with counseling. Counseling can help fix issues if both parties want to work on it and _are capable of change_ but it can't fix lack of sexual attraction if the basis for it is something other than a relationship issue that gets fixed; or B. That the sexual desertion is something that can always be foreseen, that it's the deserted partner's fault, or that the issue is going to be repeated.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Your response wasn't really a response to what you quoted from me.
> 
> Just because a man married a woman who much later decides she's not going to have sex with him anymore doesn't mean he's doomed to suffer the same result in a different relationship. People go their separate ways and go on to have awesome sex lives with someone else all of the time.
> 
> Some people change with time that's unpredictable. Just because your wife turned out to be a sexual dud years into a marriage doesn't necessarily mean that A. It can be fixed with counseling. Counseling can help fix issues if both parties want to work on it and _are capable of change_ but it can't fix lack of sexual attraction if the basis for it is something other than a relationship issue that gets fixed; or B. That the sexual desertion is something that can always be foreseen, that it's the deserted partner's fault, or that the issue is going to be repeated.


If she is going to bed early like said she is obviously avoiding having to discuss or deal with the possibility that her partner might want sex. This means she already knows she has a problem. There is no married man or woman who does not know that part of married life is to provide sex. So now that she knows she has a problem the next best step is to describe that problem and to suggest possible solution. 

We have heard the husband's point of view. We have not heard her point of view. She might be one of those people (there are a few of them) who mix unrelated issues like sex and finance or childcare and sex. She may well want sex but is thinking it is related to him doing something she has not yet told him and thinks he should know. If he packs and leaves how is that a solution, and for whom? What if she has an un-diagnosed problem? In 2011 my brother left his wife and told all of us that she was stubborn and out of control, which she seemed to be. He went off with a barely legal girl. His wife was diagnosed with a brain tumour and a year later she died. their three children lost both parents, and for what? We need to try harder.

There are a lot of people who only agree to discuss issues once a crisis is created by the wife/husband. Should a wife in that case just pack and leave before discussing? People form these drastic attitudes for a reason. We need to be encouraging more communication and trying harder. The grass is not necessarily greener out there. 

These are my opinions. They are not necessarily anyone else's. I just do not think we should treat our marriages like a take away which you just put in the bin if it does not taste the way you thought it should.


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## almetcalf (Jul 16, 2014)

Lila said:


> What do you mean by "you need some fun in your life"?


Since he didn't answer, I will, since I'm in a similar situation. Living in a sexless marriage destroys your very being. All I wanted was intimacy, lots of it. Feeling a connection with my wife. Sex is part of, maybe even the height of that connection. It is the most intimate thing two people can do. And that intimacy carries over into other areas of your life. When that breaks down this connection dies and it affects all other areas of your marriage and life becomes joyless because you feel stuck with someone that doesn't love you. Life is no longer fun. And you just want to find someone that will bring that joy back in your life. You hope beyond hope that your spouse will change. You try everything. But finally one day you realize it never will change. That life with such a person will never be fun again. And it's sad, it's like a death. It is so very depressing. You just wish for life to be fun again.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Next time your wife accuses you of moaning tell her the issue is serious enough that you're considering moaning to a divorce lawyer about it. Jesus...women like this give us all a bad name. And it's 2020, unless you are a pedophile she can't keep your kids from you, the courts won't allow it. Go to a good divorce lawyer and learn your rights. She sounds like cold fish and a *****y one at that but that might just be the hangry in me talking.


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