# What do retail workers do for childcare?



## ExiledBayStater

My wife and I have made the decision to have a child in an uncertain not-too-distant timeframe. Working in retail, her schedule changes week to week and month to month. The daily cost of a commercial daycare program could very well exceed her daily take-home pay.

She'll be the primary caretaker but wishes to work part time because her job is part of her identity. I'll continue to bring home the bacon (and benefits)Our Plan A is for her to work evenings and weekends (her employer makes her do that anyway) and provide care during the day. I'll come home and provide care while she goes to work. I'm glad to have the opportunity. For now, we both agree it's important that she not overdo hours. We want to see each other and have time as a family.

As much as I like Plan A, I've been wanting to find out what other retail employees do for child care. Partly because I'm curious, and partly because I expect my wife's employer to strong-arm her into some daytime hours. Do people use home day care providers? Ask for help from relatives?


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## EleGirl

While I'm not in retail, some of the same issues existed when my son was young.

For a while my mother was his primary care giver. She was available 24/7 for the most part so that was easy. 

At that point my mother had a in-home daycare. She was licensed with the state. She had about 4 children that she watched and was flexible about hours. If she was not out doing something social, she was glad to take care of one of 'her kids' after hours and on weekend.

There are many in-home, licensed child care providers. They tend to be less expensive and you can often find one that is more flexible. There are even ones that specialize in evening and all night care.


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## JustTired

In my area, I have been seeing more & more 24/7 daycare providers. Most of them are licensed at-home daycare that are open during unconventional hours for parents who work at night.

When my sister was a single mom, she worked a 2nd shift from 11 am - 7:30 pm. So she would take my niece to daycare around 9:45 am, either I or my mom would then pick my niece up when we got off work around 4:30 pm. When my sister got off from work, I had bathed & fed my niece already - so she was ready for bed. She worked that schedule from the time my niece was 1 until she was like 4 years old. My family helped my sister a lot during that time.


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## ExiledBayStater

Thanks EleGirl and JustTired. I located a couple of in-home daycares nearby so we should be good when the time comes.


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## EnjoliWoman

Another option is working with other young mothers - perhaps the HR department can help match her up with another mother with opposite schedules. Or maybe just other young mothers in the neighborhood - they could swap time so it costs nothing for each other.


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## ExiledBayStater

Thanks Enjoli. I've been slowly coming to the realization that DW and I really need to make some friends who live within a 30 minute drive. We live in a perfectly good, relatively populated area so there's no reason for us not to. Maybe we'll find or start a meetup to that end.


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## Anonymous07

I work part-time in retail. During the day, I'm a stay-at-home mom and then my husband takes over, so I can go work the closing shift. We've never had to pay for childcare and my availability at work is opposite my husband's schedule. It has worked out well for us. 

You can also look for a nanny, which is less expensive than a daycare center.


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## ExiledBayStater

Anonymous07 said:


> I work part-time in retail. During the day, I'm a stay-at-home mom and then my husband takes over, so I can go work the closing shift. We've never had to pay for childcare and my availability at work is opposite my husband's schedule.


That's my first choice. My mom was a SAHM until the youngest sibling was old enough to be home alone. My dad was a very dedicated breadwinner. I feel that both parents did more than enough for me, but also that Dad missed out a bit.


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## Anonymous07

ExiledBayStater said:


> That's my first choice. My mom was a SAHM until the youngest sibling was old enough to be home alone. My dad was a very dedicated breadwinner. I feel that both parents did more than enough for me, but also that Dad missed out a bit.


The way our schedule works is great for our son, but I will say it is hard on our marriage, since we don't have as much time together working opposite shifts. That is one big draw back to working opposite shifts. My husband is switching jobs, so I'm able to quit mine soon, so we'll have more time together. It's been really tough the last almost 2 years working opposite hours. Is there any other job she may be interested in? Maybe babysitting an older child in addition to your own little one? Some type of sales, work from home job? Then you can have more time together. I don't really advise others to do the opposite shift thing if you don't have to. We did it more so out of necessity, so if we didn't have to, I would not have done so.


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## ExiledBayStater

Anonymous07 said:


> Is there any other job she may be interested in? Maybe babysitting an older child in addition to your own little one? Some type of sales, work from home job? Then you can have more time together. I don't really advise others to do the opposite shift thing if you don't have to. We did it more so out of necessity, so if we didn't have to, I would not have done so.


My wife really is dead set on keeping a job outside the home. She wants the adult interaction and, I suspect, the image.


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## LaundryMan

I'm going to be the buzzkill of this thread. Do you live in the US? If so, my advice is _do not have children_ until you can land a more stable and/or better-paying job. The suggestions others have made are fine, but the simple reality is this country treats retail workers like disposable diapers and one seasonal workforce adjustment could make your livelihood collapse...and having kids is stressful enough as it is. I'm not trying to suggest you haven't already thought of this, I just have to express my gut feeling.


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## ExiledBayStater

LaundryMan said:


> I'm going to be the buzzkill of this thread. Do you live in the US? If so, my advice is _do not have children_ until you can land a more stable and/or better-paying job. The suggestions others have made are fine, but the simple reality is this country treats retail workers like disposable diapers and one seasonal workforce adjustment could make your livelihood collapse...and having kids is stressful enough as it is. I'm not trying to suggest you haven't already thought of this, I just have to express my gut feeling.


My wife is in retail. I'm in technology and have plenty of stability. We could live off my income if we had too, but not necessarily live off both of our incomes minus daycare. On the other hand, she can't see herself not working outside the home.


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## Anonymous07

ExiledBayStater said:


> My wife really is dead set on keeping a job outside the home. She wants the adult interaction and, I suspect, the image.


Image? It's not like you need a whole lot to work in retail, as it's typically a teenager job. I personally would much rather work somewhere else other than retail(ugh, hate retail work), but it was what worked for us for a period of time. 

I totally get wanting adult interaction though, which is why I make sure to have play dates and meet up with friends, so it's not always just my toddler and I. 

I would write down a list of many different options to see what could work best and then discuss that with your wife. The working opposite shifts is definitely tough, so I would look at that as more of a last resort if she absolutely has to work.


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## ExiledBayStater

Anonymous07 said:


> Image? It's not like you need a whole lot to work in retail, as it's typically a teenager job. I personally would much rather work somewhere else other than retail(ugh, hate retail work), but it was what worked for us for a period of time.
> 
> 
> I totally get wanting adult interaction though, which is why I make sure to have play dates and meet up with friends, so it's not always just my toddler and I.
> 
> I would write down a list of many different options to see what could work best and then discuss that with your wife. The working opposite shifts is definitely tough, so I would look at that as more of a last resort if she absolutely has to work.


I don't understand my wife's dedication to retail either, but she's not planning to give it up. Maybe an actual infant in her arms will persuade her otherwise, I don't know. She currently has to be available nights and weekends anyway. I'm wondering though, how was the whole thing from your husband's perspective? Is he glad to have had that time with your son?


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## Anonymous07

ExiledBayStater said:


> I don't understand my wife's dedication to retail either, but she's not planning to give it up. Maybe an actual infant in her arms will persuade her otherwise, I don't know. She currently has to be available nights and weekends anyway. I'm wondering though, how was the whole thing from your husband's perspective? Is he glad to have had that time with your son?


He definitely enjoyed/s spending time with our son, but that is done whether or not I'm working. Even on days I don't work, he'll take our son to the store or somewhere else alone to give me a break. Our schedule benefited our son the most, as he is always with a parent, but it has taken it's toll on our marriage. We've been very close to getting divorced and we are still struggling. A baby in general is very stressful on a couple(a baby changes everything), add in opposite schedules where you don't see your spouse often and it's 10x's worse. For the last few months, we've desperately looked for another way to handle things so we no longer work opposite schedules to put our marriage first. My husband just started a new job, so I am able to quit soon. I don't know if our marriage would make it if we continued how we were going.


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## ExiledBayStater

Anonymous07 said:


> He definitely enjoyed/s spending time with our son, but that is done whether or not I'm working. Even on days I don't work, he'll take our son to the store or somewhere else alone to give me a break. Our schedule benefited our son the most, as he is always with a parent, but it has taken it's toll on our marriage. We've been very close to getting divorced and we are still struggling. A baby in general is very stressful on a couple(a baby changes everything), add in opposite schedules where you don't see your spouse often and it's 10x's worse. For the last few months, we've desperately looked for another way to handle things so we no longer work opposite schedules to put our marriage first. My husband just started a new job, so I am able to quit soon. I don't know if our marriage would make it if we continued how we were going.


Thank you for sharing your cautionary tale. I guess my wife and I should allow for the possibility that the arrangement may get old fast, and we'll need to consider living off of one income or utilizing paid childcare. It's a fairly difficult discussion for her and I, both coming in from opposite points of view and struggling to see the other side.

Anyway, glad you have a light at the end of the tunnel. Hope your man and boy have something good planned for you on Mother's Day.


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