# I'm done



## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

Hi everyone. I posted awhile back regarding my oldest daughter causing issues in my marriage. She started her crap again. She was told there were conditions to living in our home, she decided to lie to my husband & I for months regarding an out of town trip with a guy. She told us she had a college orientation, which was nonexistent. She decided to put the trip on her credit card as we paid $2500 for emergency surgery for her dog.
My husband would like her to continue to stay through college, if she hadn't put her hands on me and said, "**** you" I probably would have let the lying go for now. Unfortunately I have a bad back & can't be pushed. I'm giving my daughter a month (uncomfortable by the way...her life will not be easy in our family home) to find accommodations & go. If my husband insists on her staying, he can go somewhere with her. I'm not allowing my 20 year old daughter to put her hands on me again. I refuse to allow our younger daughter to see this and repeat it in 3 years. She has nearly 8k to start her life...I think it's time.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Flat out tell her that if you put your hands on me, I am calling the police.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sadly, that was predictable from your thread in March. It’s definitely time for her to move on so don’t let it go a day beyond a month or you’ll never get her out.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Flat out tell her that if you put your hands on me, I am calling the police.


Thank you for responding. My step-dad told me to do this as well. I'm afraid doing so would upset my husband more. Unfortunately we really aren't on speaking terms. He isn't home when she pulls her ****. It was 5:45 in the morning (my younger daughter was just getting up for school & the first thing she heard was **** you and the slamming of my front door.) She has been gone for 3 days & has been incredibly rude since she returned. I'm just keeping my distance in my own home.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> Sadly, that was predictable from your thread in March. It’s definitely time for her to move on so don’t let it go a day beyond a month or you’ll never get her out.


Thank you for your response. I agree completely. My husband is really angry with me right now. He wants her to stay until she finishes college...as did I. She had everything going for her (acceptances to schools such as Baylor & Vanderbilt) but decided to stay home because her scholarship paid for school in Florida.) She met this damn boy, failed a few classes, and couldn't even get into a community college nursing program.) She has completely changed and as her mom it is extremely difficult to just ignore the changes...when they have been so extreme over the past year. She picks at my younger daughter, has pushed me twice, and cussed me out numerous times. Let alone the constant lying. She steals our products, I have had money missing, and I just can't do it anymore. The fighting affects my other daughter which is not going to happen anymore.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

HurtinFl said:


> I'm not allowing my 20 year old daughter to put her hands on me again.


I know this will be unpopular as all Hell, but where I come from putting your hands on your mama/step-mama results in the ass whooping of a lifetime. The fact that you didn't knock her into next week is impressive.

And, yes, if Daddy doesn't like it he is free to leave with his precious so you and your daughter can have a peaceful home without a lying, thieving, foul-mouthed, overgrown brat taking swipes at you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

HurtinFl said:


> Thank you for your response. I agree completely. My husband is really angry with me right now. He wants her to stay until she finishes college...as did I. She had everything going for her (acceptances to schools such as Baylor & Vanderbilt) but decided to stay home because her scholarship paid for school in Florida.) She met this damn boy, failed a few classes, and couldn't even get into a community college nursing program.) She has completely changed and as her mom it is extremely difficult to just ignore the changes...when they have been so extreme over the past year. She picks at my younger daughter, has pushed me twice, and cussed me out numerous times. Let alone the constant lying. She steals our products, I have had money missing, and I just can't do it anymore. The fighting affects my other daughter which is not going to happen anymore.


What did your H say when you told him of the assault? I don't see how he could defend that.

EVERY time you are around your D, hit record on your phone -- make sure you have all this documented in case it devolves again (for the police).


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Police. Lawyers and a restraining order. If your husband doesn't like that, we'll that's too bad.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

MJJEAN said:


> I know this will be unpopular as all Hell, but where I come from putting your hands on your mama/step-mama results in the ass whooping of a lifetime. The fact that you didn't knock her into next week is impressive.
> 
> And, yes, if Daddy doesn't like it he is free to leave with his precious so you and your daughter can have a peaceful home without a lying, thieving, foul-mouthed, overgrown brat taking swipes at you.


This is how I was raised. My dad was in the Army for 20 years. I respected my parents no matter what. I'm 41 & I still speak to my mom with the utmost respect (dad has passed).


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

jlg07 said:


> What did your H say when you told him of the assault? I don't see how he could defend that.
> 
> EVERY time you are around your D, hit record on your phone -- make sure you have all this documented in case it devolves again (for the police).


He said that she was wrong but we couldn't just kick our daughter out. That was literally his response after almost 22 years of marriage.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

HurtinFl said:


> He said that she was wrong but we couldn't just kick our daughter out. That was literally his response after almost 22 years of marriage. My younger daughter actually did record her a few months back. I had just picked my younger daughter up from school and the older one was yelling and screaming at me in the car. The past year has been literal hell. I remember being her age & needing to grow & change. I did keep my values (deviated some of course!). Although I would never speak to a parent the way she does to me, she has told her sister she will never be as good as her (academically, but they both did the same program in high school.)
> Both of my daughters have always been extremely close to my mom. My mom was diagnosed with dementia. The oldest one has spoken to my mom maybe 5 times since last summer, with most of those instances being on a holiday.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Police. Lawyers and a restraining order. If your husband doesn't like that, we'll that's too bad.


Yes! Nothing like an action to enforce your boundaries.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

HurtinFl said:


> He said that she was wrong but we couldn't just kick our daughter out. That was literally his response after almost 22 years of marriage.


Listen up. He’s told you she means more than you.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> Listen up. He’s told you she means more than you.


I agree. The feeling is now mutual. So now I begin preparing to pay off my SUV so when my youngest graduates we sell the house & go our separate ways. She is in a program in high school that she worked very hard for, so I want to keep her there until she graduates.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

HurtinFl said:


> Thank you for responding. My step-dad told me to do this as well. I'm afraid doing so would upset my husband more. Unfortunately we really aren't on speaking terms. He isn't home when she pulls her **. It was 5:45 in the morning (my younger daughter was just getting up for school & the first thing she heard was ** you and the slamming of my front door.) She has been gone for 3 days & has been incredibly rude since she returned. I'm just keeping my distance in my own home.


I think that if that were my daughter, I would be finding her a cheap place to live that she could afford, packing her up and moving her out of my home. She has no right to treat you like that, and by keeping your distance, you're allowing it.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

Ursula said:


> I think that if that were my daughter, I would be finding her a cheap place to live that she could afford, packing her up and moving her out of my home. She has no right to treat you like that, and by keeping your distance, you're allowing it.


I am keeping my distance because I have told her she has a month to leave, not because I'm allowing anything. I'm tired of the confrontations & don't want to put my other daughter through any more stress. She has plenty of money, I made sure she saved while she lived in our home for this exact reason. 
Unfortunately my husband did not take me seriously. Her things were packed up from the day she cussed me out & pushed me. I've told him (& her) numerous times this is it. Now he knows I'm serious, called me an asshole & is refusing to speak to me. I'm currently trying to find an attorney. He can go live with her.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Many make excuses to do nothing. All you’ll get is more of the same. I hope you follow through.
However, it’s your life to do what you want to with it. Talk = nothing. Actions are all that count.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

HurtinFl said:


> I am keeping my distance because I have told her she has a month to leave, not because I'm allowing anything. I'm tired of the confrontations & don't want to put my other daughter through any more stress. She has plenty of money, I made sure she saved while she lived in our home for this exact reason.
> Unfortunately my husband did not take me seriously. Her things were packed up from the day she cussed me out & pushed me. I've told him (& her) numerous times this is it. Now he knows I'm serious, called me an asshole & is refusing to speak to me. I'm currently trying to find an attorney. He can go live with her.


Ah gotcha, I'm really sorry that you find yourself in this situation.


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## HurtinFl (12 mo ago)

Hi again. Well everything came to a head. The past 2 days have been hell. My oldest daughter has yelled and cussed out not only me but my 15 year old. My husband came home the first day after work & started yelling at all of us. I told him I had enough & it was time for her to go...so he got in my face yelling at me. 
This morning the oldest one started again so my younger daughter & myself left for the day. 
I told my husband that she had to leave or I would file for an unlawful detainer. According to him she is leaving tomorrow. In the meantime I have contacted a realtor & my next call is an attorney. This isn't how I expected my 22 year marriage to end but there is nothing I can do to change it. I just hope the past year hasn't done permanent damage to my younger daughter and someday I will have a different type of relationship with my older daughter. I can now move forward. 
Thank you all for your advice & support.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If she hits you, call the police right then. If it leaves a red mark, take a photo of it before that fades. Maybe a police scare will make her think twice.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

HurtinFl said:


> Hi again. Well everything came to a head. The past 2 days have been hell. My oldest daughter has yelled and cussed out not only me but my 15 year old. My husband came home the first day after work & started yelling at all of us. I told him I had enough & it was time for her to go...so he got in my face yelling at me.
> This morning the oldest one started again so my younger daughter & myself left for the day.
> I told my husband that she had to leave or I would file for an unlawful detainer. According to him she is leaving tomorrow. In the meantime I have contacted a realtor & my next call is an attorney. This isn't how I expected my 22 year marriage to end but there is nothing I can do to change it. I just hope the past year hasn't done permanent damage to my younger daughter and someday I will have a different type of relationship with my older daughter. I can now move forward.
> Thank you all for your advice & support.


You should have already filed an RO. You are teaching your younger daughter to accept abuse.
Only actions count your words don’tmean squat.
No good deed you do will go unpunished.


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