# EXTREME NPD Wife Only Getting Nuttier by the Day With the Lockdown



## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

I'm honestly surprised this particular Forum isn't bursting at the seams with so many people on "lockdown" these days with the epidemic! So where do I start? Yesterday? This past weekend? Let me try last Thursday, just to give you all a snapshot of my daily life since *before* the epidemic, but definitely increasingly worse since.

We're both in the medical profession as "essential" support staff, but she's able to work from home--in fact she had already negotiated to work from home 4/5 days per week so adding the 5th day while preschool is closed wasn't a stretch for her manager. They had done _okay_ together through Wednesday, but it had definitely taken its toll on an already very volatile person.

So, we're pre-divorce anyway--let me just get that right out of the way so there's not confusion as to where the marriage/family dynamic stands. Together 9.5 years, married 8.5 years, with one preschool/soon-to-be-kindergartender. I don't even want to get into the really crazy stuff right now--why we're divorcing because she has "all the evidence" for the 1000th time that I'm "cheating on her"--I just want to stick to this story for now. Feel free to ask more in the follow-up comments.

So, last Thursday, I had book the day off long ago before the epidemic ramped up, to attend our daugther's mandatory hearing test for kindergarten. This, of course, got canceled, so it was just an at-home day for everybody, minus my wife's having to potentially go in for an in-person meeting to discuss updates for her department. There was a brief back-and-forth that Tuesday about me *not* taking the day off only for it to change that Tuesday before because of the meeting, plus her needing "a break, anyway." 

The day starts off with not too much drama: the usual "hi, hi you doing?" whatever. She goes for an early-morning walk, comes back, makes breakfast for our daughter and gets to work in the study. I get up, make myself breakfast and second (!!) breakfast for my daughter and just kind of do my thing: play with her, let her watch TV, do some indoor/outdoor cleanup, go for a solo run and bike ride, etc. She takes a nap in the midday. Again, nothing unusual in these times.

Up from her nap, her job decides to hold the in-person meeting--it should've and could've been remote for most attendees at the point, but whatever. So, she took off to the city and would be back in a bit. Again, nothing unusual.

Fast forward to the early afternoon: I'm in the basement trying to replace the belt on the dryer when I hit a mental block on how to follow the DIY video and install it properly so I'm watching the video with my Bluetooth headphones on, desperately trying to figure it out; minutes seem to go by like seconds! After my third try at installation, I've switched to a different video and am listening and watching intently, when she comes flying down the stairs:

"Hey, I'm trying to talk to you!"
-"Okay. Let me just..."
"I wanna get Chinese food!"
-"Okay. Hold on a minute. Let me..."
"Why are you ignoring me?! What's the matter with you?!"
-"Okay, you see me with my headphones on! I'm trying to figure out the dryer! Can you give me just a minute to..."
*She empties my load out of the washing machine in one gigantic ball and just leaves it all sitting on top of the machine, then proceeds to throw her load in.*
-"Whoa, hey, it probably wasn't a good time to do another load given..."
"Yeah, fine, whatever, we won't do Chinese food tonight! You know, this is what I can't stand about you--all you do is ignore me!"
-"You see me with my headphones in. If you gave me even 10 seconds to turn them off!... You're being unreasonable!"
"No, you're being unreasonable!"
*She storms back upstairs.*
*Screaming in front of our daughter*: "*This* is why we need to divorce! But your father won't give me one!"

I follow her up the stairs, shaken and upset as usual and tell her that she was inappropriate downstairs, but *more importantly* that she needs to respect the advice of (A) the pediatrician, (B) our daughter's preschool social worker and (C) my counselor (IC, but we did one joint-session) who have *all told her* to *stop talking about separation/divorce in front of our daughter*! After a few choice f-bombs and other strong language in response, I leave for a walk around the neighborhood and call my cousin, one of my few trusted confidantes as I ride this roller coaster of a life. 

I come back in and things have calmed down. She's made dinner, as usual, and even bothers to talk to me, insisting that I eat, but I retreat back to the basement to get the dryer done--and finally do! I finally emerge upstairs victorious, as she retires to bed and, as usual, I eat and stay up with my daughter before getting her off to bed. 

And this is *one day*--and honestly only about 70% of the full details! I miss spending time with my daughter, but thank God I have to go into work Monday-Friday in my department! I mean this in the nicest, my polite way possible: if I was holed up with the miserable wretch of a human being all last week one of us would be a pine box by now. 

I've lost track the number of times that I've *thanked her profusely* for taking on the dual role of very-busy scheduling manager and stay-at-home mother during this very trying to time and I've got virtually nothing but pushback in return:
"It must be nice that you still get to leave the house every day!"
"I'm just tired! You wouldn't understand!" Mind you I'm still commuting over an hour one-way back-and-forth to the city every day to go my job, and putting in 9-9.5 hour days while I'm there, helping to supervise extremely busy operations. It's not really an argument of who's doing more work--we're both busting our a$$es for the industry!! 

I'm worn out from the every-other-day yelling, swearing and nitpicking, especially when I come home every even and relieve her, taking over everything from dishes to cleaning up the $h1tpile of a living room after our daughter played their all day to putting our daughter to bed!" She alternates between an overbearing mother, reminding me for the 1000th time that our daughter "needs to potty and brush her teeth before bed," and an overgrown teenager who retreats to the bedroom by 7:20 every night to go scroll Facebook and text her friends before passing out in the bed! I know that many of you will say the time to leave was circa eight years ago, but I'm ready for people's opinions so please have at it.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Reading I seeing your missing your backbone to take a stand, and not doing what you need to do leave. But instead choose to wallow in this mess. This isn't good on the child, and your passivity what's the reason? 

You need to make this happen, and not wait for her to take the steps.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

"Up from her nap, her job decides to hold the in-person meeting--it should've and could've been remote for most attendees at the point, but whatever. So, she took off to the city and would be back in a bit." -- Hmmmmm.... Interesting.

Leave.


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

"Reading I seeing your missing your backbone to take a stand, and not doing what you need to do leave. But instead choose to wallow in this mess. This isn't good on the child, and your passivity what's the reason? 

You need to make this happen, and not wait for her to take the steps."

I appreciate your candor, really. As far as missing a backbone, I would say, sure, if this was years ago, before our daughter was born. As discussed by numerous people in another thread, "Why are people attracted to Narcissists?", I think it's fair to say, that yes, my easy-going style succumbed all too easily to my wife's anxious, overbearing style. I have *readily admitted* in IC numerous times that i ignored the "1000 red flags" as I have called them where *no sane man* would have even _dated_ my wife for a year, let alone married the crazy beeyotch, let alone tried to have a child with her, and yet I kept telling myself that every single incident was "not that bad," that the good times outweighed the bad. 

Of course, once you throw a child into the mix, the dynamic changes to an extent. I'm _hardly_ the first father to stay in a toxic relationship with an angry, paranoid narcissist for the sake of trying to normalize their child(ren)'s home life as much as possible and to stave off becoming *just another statistic* of a broken family. On the flip side of the coin *how many times* more women have stayed in abusive relationships for years if not *decades* for the sake of saving face with family, friends and coworkers? Again, pre-child, I admit I ignored a football field full of red flags to not pursue this woman; post-child birth, I can only beat myself up but so much for trying to keep my family together under one roof.


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

dadstartingover said:


> "Up from her nap, her job decides to hold the in-person meeting--it should've and could've been remote for most attendees at the point, but whatever. So, she took off to the city and would be back in a bit." -- Hmmmmm.... Interesting.
> 
> Leave.


Yeah, yeah, I know TAM is quick to jump on the "(s)he is probably cheating! How do you not see it?!" wagon, but, of all the questionable activities that she's engaged in lately, her meeting in the city is probably the least suspect. Trust me--her other out-of-house activities are on my radar.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

I have never understood why people change so dramatically after getting married. Or maybe they don't change, they just go back to what they were before but were not showing that side of themselves before. 

I think there should be a rule that no marriage registrar allows any marriage to take place if the two cannot show beyond reasonable doubt that they have known each other for at least two years and they both know so many of each other's family members and so many of their friends.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Is she actually NPD? Has she been officially diagnosed, did your therapist hint or suggest that diagnosis based on things YOU said, or did you open up the DSM-5 and self-diagnose that?

Regardless, what is your plan? To stick around for another 13 (give or take) years until your daughter is on her way to college? Is that REALLY better for your daughter?

THIS, your marriage, right now, is what she is observing and seeing as a normal marriage/relationship. The affection (or lack of), the behavior, the fighting, the lack of action, etc. Is this the kind of marriage/relationship you want her to have? I'm guessing the answer is "Hell no!". Then stop showing her that this is acceptable and normal (and yes, to HER this WILL be normal because it is all she knows). 

Is it better for your daughter to be around crazy 100% of the time, or 50% of the time?

Staying to avoid a "broken family" is a bull**** reason. First off, kids are better from a broken home than living in one. And second, you realize you are just swapping one statistic for another, right? Sure, maybe you won't be in the "divorce statistics" but you are somewhere in the unhappily married or abusive marriage statistics. And your daughter, she is in the "probably going to have a ****ty marriage and her own mental health issues' statistics. Staying "for the child(ren)" is a bull**** reason and not worth it. It's not. Your family is already broken.

"I'm _hardly_ the first father to stay in a toxic relationship" or "women do it all the time!!" is also a bull**** excuse to avoid taking action.

I've never read it but this book was on the recommended reading list at a psychiatric hospital and in a support group for people married to someone with mental illness.

https://www.amazon.com/Rethinking-N...swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1585148220&sr=8-1


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So it seems YOU have suspicions of HER cheating? She is accusing you -- and as we've seen here MANY times that is a red flag that SHE may in fact be cheating -- "her other out-of-house activities are on my radar.". (I am making the assumption that YOU have not/are not cheating? You didn't specifically say...). You should put VAR around just to find out what she is up to while YOU are not there (cannot use any of that in a D, but it will give you information -- just never reveal how you got it).

When she is NOT going off, have you been able to calmly talk with her that SHE needs to see her own IC and you can do MC??
NONE of this toxicity is good for your child --staying together FOR your child isn't giving her any good example of how a marriage should work.

Have you at least contacted a lawyer so that you can get a plan together? Doesn't mean you have to divorce her, but you take the fear of the unknown out of this -- find out the financial/child custody issues are and how it would fall out if you DID divorce her.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

I'll chime in, you're into this for 9.5 years, IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER, IT GETS WORSE!

Sorry you have a young child.

From your description of events, I wouldn't want to be around her for one. More. Minute.

So you're what, mid 30's? 

So here's the 2x4. You can't fix this. How's the counseling going? Yeah, I thought so. The only asset you have is time. You'll realize this as you get older. I'm probably old enough to be your dad. If you had a son married in your situation and he came to you for advice, what would you suggest?

Continued 2x4, you sound to be a bit of a doormat. Could be multiple reasons for this, but there is a way out from this. Might I suggest as a first step, go read, 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'. It's a quick read and available as a download.

If you were my son, I'd tell you to get the hell out, and make the best possible arrangements for you child.

Best of luck, sorry about your situation, I hope the best for you and your daughter.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yes, I concur, people usually project their own frailities onto others.
Cheating could be her failing. Dunno.

It sounds like you have a good handle on her.
You are going to divorce her, aren't you?

Saying you are pre-divorce is a good start.
................................................

Now, get this....

I have the same Maytag dryer that I bought at Sears over forty years ago.

And yes, I have changed out the drive-belt three times. A royal pain in the 'past'.
You need four sets of hands, it seems.

I changed out the timer once, the drum/door seal once, along with the drum-rollers, once and the plastic female half of the plastic door latch, once.
They now make super-strong removable (clean-out) lint filters now. Buy them on Amazon.

A tip:

Do not put wet running shoes in the dryer. They can wedge-up in the door and lock tight the spinning drum.
The belt will burn through in two or three minutes. 

Been there, done that!!


THRD-


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

I have lived with a type of insanity. 

And yes you know you have been weak, at times many of us have. She is probably cheating and who would care???? Your only hope is that he might be single and take her off of your hands and he can be the stooge... 

But this is what I really wanted to say. I don't care how much it costs, I don't care how hard it is, or whatever, if you have not filed, FILE...

Get out, get away from her. I know you thought you had reasons to try, some if it just sheer stupidity, but none of that matters. 

What you will really beat yourself up for, is that you did not do it sooner. 

Get out...


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

bobert said:


> Is she actually NPD? Has she been officially diagnosed, did your therapist hint or suggest that diagnosis based on things YOU said, or did you open up the DSM-5 and self-diagnose that?


My therapist has called her a narcissist *dozens* of times throughout my 1.5 years of IC sessions. But, even still, she has, multiple times, validated the diagnosis *herself*: she saw a psychologist years ago, before we met, and *was on anxiety medications*, which she stopped taking shortly after we started dating. So, no, it's way more than just a "she's crazy" diagnosis of NPD--that's why I posted my situation to this particular section.


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

shortbus said:


> I'll chime in, you're into this for 9.5 years, IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER, IT GETS WORSE!
> 
> So you're what, mid 30's?
> 
> ...


Sorry, I should've specified in the original post, that I'm in my late 30s and she's in her early 40s. Believe me--I'm not expecting it to get any better at this point. We have been separately talking to a divorce mediator, to at least *try* to end this as amicably as possible. I have my parents' blessing at this point, trust me, but obviously they feel bad for our daughter.


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

So, to follow up, I got *confirmation* this past week in official documentation from one of her own psychiatry appointments that she *has not been* properly taking her medications designed to *reduce her anxiety* and instead has been attempting to shift even more blame onto me saying, in so many words, "My husband, who I'm divorcing, raises my stress/anxiety levels when I'm around him!"

This was all revealed in between our first and second sessions of divorce mediation, which, as you can imagine, has been going as smoothly as a canoe in a hurricane, but overall we've actually been able to, after dealing with her frequent, pent-up emotional diatribes, make headway despite the current additional challenge of having to do everything via e-mail and video conferencing. 

The days since have been the usual roller coaster of emotions: 60% of the time we don't talk; 35% of the time she's calling me every name she can, as usual, for the simplest things (e.g. not immediately seeing the remote control that our daughter lost the night before!); remaining 5% of the time she's, of course, coming to me because her warped brain can't do *simple things*: she broke the starter knob off the dryer for the 5th time in as many months so I fixed that for the fifth time... in *90 seconds*! A few days later, she bought a booster seat for our growing little one and couldn't snap the five, *five*, pieces together and then install it in her car; her own sister has *three kids* around the same age as our daughter and can do a booster seat in her *sleep*!

The house will go on sale within the next three weeks, the net proceeds of which will be split evenly.The finish line is near; and yet can't come soon enough!


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Wow, this really sounds good. You really cannot imagine how great life will be without her. 

Over the last few days I have had to talk to my ex, and it just grates on my nerves. I like to pretend she is dead...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

You might want to get a VAR and record her nasty diatribes and name calling. When you are wondering if divorcing is best, any weak times, just play a best of back.


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## Camper292000 (Nov 7, 2015)

Stay calm and gain evidence. Someone can whisper in her ear and you won't see your child much.

Does she "have to win" at things?



Sent from my LM-V350 using Tapatalk


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

BluesPower said:


> Wow, this really sounds good. You really cannot imagine how great life will be without her.
> 
> Over the last few days I have had to talk to my ex, and it just grates on my nerves. I like to pretend she is dead...


Oh, trust me, I can imagine how life will be! Even my own father, right in front of my mother, said the other day on the phone, "You're a better man than me--most men would've gotten out of this thing at least *three years ago*! This was after a conversation earlier that day, on Easter Sunday, when I was _trying_ to talk to my parents and she was doing her usual yelling and swearing routine! My father was so taken aback by this behavior (up until that point she had done her best to hide it from _my_ side of the family) that he *demanded* that he but put on speaker to talk to her directly! She yelled at the phone that she didn't "f***ing want to talk to anybody right now!" and that their "piece of s**t husband is a cheater!" Mind you, as I've mentioned, her paranoia and narcissism mixed with past drama have caused her to accuse me of cheating on her *dozens of times* over the years, including several times *before we were even married*!

I imagine conversations _my_ STBXW will go something along the lines of
(A) She's *knows* she not altogether "upstairs" but still blames be for being the catalyst for her behavior
(B) It's a lot more work doing it all alone (Monday-Friday)!


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You might want to get a VAR and record her nasty diatribes and name calling. When you are wondering if divorcing is best, any weak times, just play a best of back.


On the advice of others here being on longtime "lurker" before posting, I've been recording our conversations for a few months now, mainly to go over with counselor in my IC sessions. She found out a little while ago about me recording her and, after a few days of toning down the rhetoric, of course, just went *right back to the same level* she was at without a care in the world! Her primary defense of her behavior has been "This is how I grew up!... This is how my family is!" Mind you, that while her family is lot more brash than mine when it comes to polite company, there is very little evidence that, growing up, most of the vitriol was directed at her specifically. If anything, as the third child she was *overwhelming coddled* by her late father and uncle.


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

Camper292000 said:


> Stay calm and gain evidence. Someone can whisper in her ear and you won't see your child much.
> 
> Does she "have to win" at things?
> 
> ...



Trust me, I'm doing my best to not rise to her level of drama on a regular basis--I joke with my cousin and sister about how much weight I'm losing because I'll leave to go for a walk as she's screaming out the door! 

At the present time, given my variable work schedule as an in-office essential employee versus her being able to work mostly from home, I'm willing to concede in the near-term to having her having primary physical custody while seeing my daughter most weekends and, of course, maintaining my share of legal custody. 

Yes, she's the typical "have to win" kind of NPD/BPD person, which is why I posted in the Mental Health section. The flags were certainly there years ago--I admit that part of overlooking them was feeling bad for her losing her father about 20 years ago and still *clearly* not getting over it. Granted even that wouldn't be an excuse for many people at this point: 20 *years*?! Most people, barring logistics, are back to work, and back to a mostly normal life, within 20 *days*! Certainly her older brother and sister have managed to move on and not let his passing, tragic and premature as it was, define increasingly erratic and vitriolic behaviors! But, I've also come to realize why she's been so much more affected: as mentioned in a reply above, it was less about being a father to her and more about *coddling and sheltering* her from the blunt, cruel notion of *reality* whereby not everything his precious daughter did was "amazing" and "the best"!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@CoachP, just checking in to see how you are holding up!


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> @CoachP, just checking in to see how you are holding up!


Thank you for checking in--I do appreciate it!

So, we've "survived" Mediation Session #3. The basic parameters:


No alimony and not going after each other's retirement. Yes, I made about 20% more during the marriage, but she was *gainfully employed the entire time* as a working mother so really it would be slicing and dicing each other's retirement for what, a few extra dollars? Not worth her time!


She's not going after my savings other than paying off 50% of her mysterious debt. I say "mysterious" because somehow she rang up $15k in debt just prior to the divorce mediation process starting, which I can only surmise is mostly due to her *new car note*. She blames a lot of it on "not being able to pay off previous car repairs totaling $5k"! We're not talking about anything special here--the usual wear-and-tear associated with owning a used vehicle! $5k in four years that she couldn't pay off??!! I told her after the slightly-more-pleasant 2nd session that I would look into that myself since both cars were considered the "family car" for errands/beach trips/vacations! Unsurprisingly I racked up more than $5k in repair expenses over the same number of years! In fact, I probably spent more than her on my beater! All paid off! It's called saving for a rainy day--not spending yourself into oblivion on clothes and crap and then crying broke! But I know my story is a dime a dozen, pun intended, with spouses trying to ring up debt right before divorces and then trying to saddle the other with that nonsense!


I shall be paying her a generous weekly child support amount. Generous! The mediator ran the numbers *twice*--the second time coming up with an even lower figure based on some still-shared expenses like health insurance! I shall be paying her at least $30/week over the state calculation. She wanted $55/week *more than that*! Her greedy a$$ can pound sand!!


As currently written (draft) I shall have our daughter from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon 3/4 weekends per month. In our slightly-more-more-pleasant 1st session (compare to the $hitshow that was the 3rd and zoo that was the 2nd!!), she agreed it should be Saturday mornings based on my work schedule, which has me either covering shifts or just dealing with issues on Friday nights. I've been *an essential employee in a supervisory position* for over a decade! By the 2nd session, she amended it to be Friday nights--she needs her Friday nights to "relax." (Translation: drink, get h1gh or sleep!!) . I told her that's not always going to work! She *threw a fresh tantrum* with me just a few minutes ago today over this. Thinks, after years of me doing it that's it all a conspiracy!! . She wants to force a judge to make me defy my job and take our daughter Friday nights! Calling her bluff! Bring it on at this point!
Meanwhile, she moved out of the house about two weeks ago with our daughter into, ironically enough, a luxury studio in the city! The one who insisted we leave the city in the first place, get a big house together with a front and back lawn and all the stuff! After everything that we've been through she whined to her Employee Assistance Program about "stress" and "aggravation" of living under the same roof--with her diagnosed and medication-prescribed anxiety! They gave her a subsidized studio anyway! Meanwhile she left me the entire interior and exterior of the house to clean and get ready for sale! All while juggling Saturday morning-to-Sunday afternoon time with our daughter. She's since stopped by the house a few times and has been *absolutely amazed* I cleaned the whole thing... and mowed the lawn! She set me up to fail!! Yeah, I'm no failure!! I'm trying to get maximum value for a house that *she abandoned* and yet still have to give her *50% of the proceeds* when it's all over! How _grand_ is that system??!!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Good for you!


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## Camper292000 (Nov 7, 2015)

I'm concerned about her gaining 'primary ' points now. Do not take for granted what she can do to you in a divorce. 
I recommend to do all the primary custody duties now and document everything!


Sent from my LM-V350 using Tapatalk


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Good for you!



Thank you! She certainly isn't making any of this easy--if anything she's *intentionally making it harder* "just because." But I'm done with her games and tantrums! Time for her to sit at the adults' table!


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

Camper292000 said:


> I'm concerned about her gaining 'primary ' points now. Do not take for granted what she can do to you in a divorce.
> I recommend to do all the primary custody duties now and document everything!
> 
> 
> Sent from my LM-V350 using Tapatalk


I'm not fighting her I'm primary custody--that's what's so ridiculous and, quite frankly, a$$ backwards about her demanding that I take our daughter on Friday nights versus Saturday mornings! It's not about pitting my job versus my child--my job allows me to provide a very comfortable lifestyle for my child and her greedy mother while still maintaining Saturday-Sunday visitation rights. That's fine with me for now; I've made peace with that. Years from now I *guarantee* my daughter will be dropped at my doorstep with a one-way ticket! There is no way somebody as high-strung as my STBWX is going to handle a teenage girl!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

CoachP said:


> Thank you! She certainly isn't making any of this easy--if anything she's *intentionally making it harder* "just because." But I'm done with her games and tantrums! Time for her to sit at the adults' table!


My ex wife did that too, when she realized she wasn't going to get the fancy carefree lifestyle she had with me post-divorce. She got very bitter.

I just had to hang in there and keep making it very hard for her to try to delay signing off on something reasonable.

Hang in there.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

I'm just now seeing this, I'm glad you're finding a way out.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

shortbus said:


> I'm just now seeing this, I'm glad you're finding a way out.
> Best of luck to you and your daughter.


Thank you for much for reaching out and for your concern! We actually had a mostly-pleasant pickup last Thursday after the first day of socially-distanced in-person kindergarten, including me briefly going back to my STBXW's apartment for lunch and some quality daddy-daughter time. This was followed by going to my niece(-in-law)'s birthday party that Saturday, where I mingled with other in-laws including my MIL, SIL and aunt- and uncle-in-law. I mostly did as I usually do and entertained my daughter and my niece and nephews. I honestly miss them the most: they're good kids in a traditional family dynamic where the *father* is the stereotypical overbearing one! That's what so bizarro-backwards about my failing marriage: mine is because my STBWX is a perpetually angry, narcisstic worrier; meanwhile in my SIL's family, despite being the *overwhelming* breadwinner, she remains in her rough marriage, loyal to her hypercritical husband! There couldn't be a bigger contrast that day between the fact that, despite going through a separation and impending divorce with my STBWX I _still_ managed to show up and mingle pleasantly with the in-laws; meanwhile this brute couldn't even spare a day from work to attend a birthday party for his daughter with his _wife's_ side of the family--he was going to do "his thing" on Sunday with his side coming over separately!!


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## matador1958 (Oct 24, 2017)

I feel your pain, I married a NPD too, going through the same things almost every day, but doing my best, she can't help it. Just want to say: Keep being a Dad to your daughter, kind but firm, and please don't let her think it was her fault, which is a kid's instinct. All the best.


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

matador1958 said:


> I feel your pain, I married a NPD too, going through the same things almost every day, but doing my best, she can't help it. Just want to say: Keep being a Dad to your daughter, kind but firm, and please don't let her think it was her fault, which is a kid's instinct. All the best.


Thanks, matador; I apologize for the late reply! I have never made my daughter feel like it was her fault--I'd love to be a fly on the wall with discussions going on at my STBXW's house though! My daughter revealed to me a few weeks ago that "mommy cries sometimes... but hasn't cried lately." Starting "socially distanced" in-person kindergarten and having some structure to her life has helped my daughter for sure; I can't imagine being holed up in the house all day with that woman--oh wait, I can!


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