# Can someone with bipolar/depression ever see the light?



## neglected (Dec 27, 2010)

My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We have two kids, 10 and 5. He left on 12/21 and took all of his stuff with him. He was diagnosed in September with depression, bipolar and many personality disorders. I was shocked because he seems like a normal functioning person. But, the test results finally showed me why he does and acts like he does. Now he will not follow up with therapist or get medicine and says he does not have a problem. I have dealt with lies over many things and in a way feel relief that he is finally gone! But, I also still love him deeply and very angry that he is tearing apart our family. We have had a great relationship at times and toxic at other times. He is very secretive and hides everything. Then if he gets mad at me he won't talk to me for weeks at a time just to avoid dealing with the problem. I had rather have a fight for a few minutes then get over it. As far as I know there have been no other women and we have had a great sex life, which I think is what has held us together. But, when he gets mad he says he can't have sex. I don't understand that one . 

I am at a loss and just wondering is there a way for him to snap out of this without medication and/or help? I have heard that some people with mental problems are just unable to seek help.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I have struggled with a mood disorder for 11 years. The doctors I saw always complimented my self education and responsibility for my illness. Nobody can help your husband unless he wants the help. What is the root of his depression? When that is found, he will be on the fast track to healing.
I became depressed from being in an abusive household and having nobody to stand up for me. The only person that understood was my aunt and she died in 2004. I feel better when I stay away from my dysfunctional family of origin.

Get second opinions for mental health. It's easy to misdiagnose someone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

neglected said:


> I am at a loss and just wondering is there a way for him to snap out of this without medication and/or help? I have heard that some people with mental problems are just unable to seek help.


Begin getting therapy and the meds on his own? possible.

Get better without his meds and therapy? not likely


Many people with personality disorders are high functioning, with varying degrees of how much they are able to hold back to keep people from noticing.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

> He was diagnosed in September with depression, bipolar and many personality disorders. I was shocked because he seems like a normal functioning person.





> I am at a loss and just wondering is there a way for him to snap out of this without medication and/or help? I have heard that some people with mental problems are just unable to seek help.


Given what his diagnoses are, I'd say it would be next to impossible for him to just suddenly be all better. While depression can be situational and so somewhat self-resolving (e.g. depression over a death in the family or a job loss, etc. would eventually work itself out and pass), the other conditions are definitely biological and behavioral and take dedicated effort to manage. 

It's not like they're a cold and after a week or two they go away whether you take meds or not. It really isn't even like they're shingles or something and are dormant most of the time and flare up every once in a while. Bipolar disorder is a biologically based chemical imbalance where the electrical impulses in the brain aren't sent and received properly. It could be compared to diabetes really--in nearly every case it requires some level of medication as well as a degree of behavior modification. 

Personality disorders tend to rely more on therapy, which means the person has to want to change. Unless they see that there's no longer a benefit to the way they've always behaved, they probably aren't going to do the work that treatment and ongoing change requires.

Depression can be chemical, like bipolar or situational and can be treated with either meds or therapy or both.

But what it really comes down to is that he has to reach out. If he doesn't believe he has a problem, he should get a second opinion. Otherwise, he has to be accountable for managing these conditions and/or the consequences for choosing not to do that.

You ask about some people not being *able* to reach out for help. I would imagine that there are especially severe cases of mental illness where that could be the case. But I'm thinking of the really ill schizophrenics that end up utterly disconnected from reality and living in the park.... For the great majority of people, they're *unwilling* to get help. That's a whole different thing.

In my experience and in quite a bit of the reading I've done, many people with bipolar disorder and some of the personality disorders are quite intelligent and creative (and from those, can often be pretty manipulative, too). This keeps them able to function through their illness for a long time and makes them feel like they have a lot to lose if they "cure" it. You might check out some of the books that Kay Redfield Jamison has written. She's a psychologist at Johns Hopkins that has bipolar disorder and has written both about her experiences and has done a great deal of historical research about famous artists and writers who likely had mood disorders. Her stuff could probably shed some light on how he may be thinking about why he may or may not have a problem.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder II almost 10 years ago, and looking back can identify symptoms going back pretty much to childhood. When it comes down to it, the only way that I can remain a fully functioning and successful adult is to take care of this every day. I take my meds every day. I watch my moods and my sleep patterns to make sure nothing is "out of whack". I see my psych regularly. I did therapy to work out my problems from the past. When I mess up, I fix it, but mostly I try not to get to that point. But I do it all every day. I don't think it could work any other way. And the result is that I have a Masters degree, I've been promoted into increasingly better, more responsible jobs every two years or so, I've got great friends, I'm close to my family. My marriage I'm working on, but that's got different things going on.... 

None of this would be remotely possible without ongoing maintenance and awareness on my part and it sounds from the diagnoses you listed for your husband, that's what he'll have to decide to do as well. Otherwise, it's all going to be the same as it's always been, only it'll probably get more and more chaotic as time goes on. That's how it generally goes. As much as it hurts, you and your kids are probably better off with him out of the house and good boundaries in place...




_(sorry this turned into a novel!!)_


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