# My unrequited affection and interests in females



## LuckyM (Apr 8, 2018)

For a long time I am aware that I easily get crushes and romantic
interests in women that are rarely reciprocated, usually never. Every
time I think--don't do this again to yourself and then it happens over
and over. And I obsess about it. No chance for even a date. Either
they are married, taken, too young or just not interested. Or all the above,
Anything I say or do works against me--they don'twant to know my feelings--
and don't care. They can pick up my vibes.

Is this just me or do others experience this? It's a pattern. Maybe
these girls are out of my league. I am rarely attracted to women my own
age who usually only want companions, to be friends and have nothing in common
with them. I am past middle age, and I no longer date or try to... alone, isolated, depressed
and think about sex and love constantly, to no avail. I am at least average
looking. A LTR is the holy grail but it is hopeless?
Sick of being Odd Man Out,
BTW, a few times ladies have shown interests in me--and I wasn't interested!


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## Etomidate (Mar 10, 2018)

LuckyM said:


> For a long time I am aware that I easily get crushes and romantic
> interests in women that are rarely reciprocated, usually never. Every
> time I think--don't do this again to yourself and then it happens over
> and over. And I obsess about it. No chance for even a date. Either
> ...


Why do you go after women who are not available? Why even entertain the idea of a married woman or someone too young? Do you think you could be subconsciously sabotaging yourself?



LuckyM said:


> Is this just me or do others experience this? It's a pattern. Maybe
> these girls are out of my league. I am rarely attracted to women my own
> age who usually only want companions, to be friends and have nothing in common
> with them. I am past middle age, and I no longer date or try to... alone, isolated, depressed
> ...


Why do you go after women who are out of your league? Like attracts like. If you look at the vast majority of couples, the men and women are pretty evenly matched in terms of attractiveness. Nothing makes you special that you would attract someone "out of your league." Not trying to be mean, but the entertainment industry seems to make this realistic. It's really not.

Why do you seem to deride wanting companionship? Apart from sexual intimacy, that's one of the main parts of marriage.


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## Etomidate (Mar 10, 2018)

hunkel said:


> The Op is the definition of pathetic desperation.


Yup. I didn’t want to say it, but...yup. It’s probably one of the biggest reasons you’re alone, OP. People generally stay away from desperation.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Given how lonely you are, it seems like it would be better to date a woman your age and in your league than no one. You don't feel that way though?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

hunkel said:


> Let's not narrow the choices, shall we?
> 
> At this point, I think anyone with a vagina qualifies.


Do you think the criteria should be that strict?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

hunkel said:


> Ok you're right.
> 
> Let's add trannies, transgenders, and hermaphrodites
> 
> He can help his partner figure out which bathroom to use


Well best of evenings to you and thanks for the funday Sunday.

Bed time for this little beer logged barbarian.:sleeping:


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

LuckyM said:


> For a long time I am aware that I easily get crushes and romantic
> interests in women that are rarely reciprocated, usually never. Every
> time I think--don't do this again to yourself and then it happens over
> and over. And I obsess about it. No chance for even a date. Either
> ...



You sound like a candidate for sugardaddy.com. Maybe those young ladies won't truly be interested in you but if you pay them enough they will fake it!


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

LuckyM said:


> For a long time I am aware that I easily get crushes and romantic
> interests in women that are rarely reciprocated, usually never. Every
> time I think--don't do this again to yourself and then it happens over
> and over. And I obsess about it. No chance for even a date. Either
> ...


Are you sure you aren't in love with the idea of love and just thrusting that upon these women. It seems like you want to be in a loving relationship without doing the work or understanding what it takes to get to the position of loving and being loved. I'm just another idiot on the internet but it seems to me that you may not understand what a genuinely loving relationship entails. Good luck to you brother. The world needs more people who want to give love.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

LuckyM said:


> For a long time I am aware that I easily get crushes and romantic
> interests in women that are rarely reciprocated, usually never. Every
> time I think--don't do this again to yourself and then it happens over
> and over. And I obsess about it. No chance for even a date. Either
> ...


So... tell us about your parents. Relationship with mom? Dad around?


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

OP, could you explain the circumstances around the times when women were interested in you but you did not reciprocate? I agree with one of the first responses that it sounds like you could be self-sabotaging. 



> Anything I say or do works against me--they don'twant to know my feelings--
> and don't care. They can pick up my vibes.


When you say this it sounds like you feel a bitterness toward these women as though there is a compulsion to let them know how you feel. It wasn't clear if this was something that happens when you are trying to date someone or if this is something you bring up despite knowing they are not available. If it's the latter, then you should not be sharing those feelings at all with a woman who is not available to you. It is not fair to put that on her and she is well within her right to ignore or dismiss it. If it's the former, it might be that you jump in too soon or too aggressively and that can be very off-putting, if not altogether startling. Is it possible that you might have a social disorder (i.e. aspergers) that keeps you from being able to communicate and express yourself in a functional manner? Simply trying to look at all angles here.


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## Vespil (May 21, 2018)

I bet you try to hard.

You can't force these things otherwise people feel pressured.

There's a good chance there were some women along the way that would have been interested but were like "What is WITH this guy?" and they took off.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Go to the google search bar and type in 'masculinity'.

That whole idea of showing women your ''feelings'' was a sick joke from twenty years ago, which no doubt, has ruined countless potential and actual relationships. Stuart Smalley is NOT your role model, but more like Jason Stathem (no ****). 

Now, get to reading and don't come up for air until you've grown a pair (or enlarged the ones you have).

Good luck, it's a ****ty world out there.


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## MapMan (Dec 11, 2015)

Consider that everything you learned about being a good man, is exactly the sort of thing that turns women off. Consider that there was truth in some of the old cliches. Do your reading and do not take any relationship advice from a woman. Do not confide your fears in a woman. Do not show her how soft you are. Build your confidence and become attractive. There are too many books and studies to count, but pick some up and read them. Be confident and aloof, not caring or attentive. It sounds strange and few women will admit it, but it is attractive to most.


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## Vespil (May 21, 2018)

MapMan said:


> Consider that everything you learned about being a good man, is exactly the sort of thing that turns women off. Consider that there was truth in some of the old cliches. Do your reading and do not take any relationship advice from a woman. Do not confide your fears in a woman. Do not show her how soft you are. Build your confidence and become attractive. There are too many books and studies to count, but pick some up and read them. Be confident and aloof, not caring or attentive. It sounds strange and few women will admit it, but it is attractive to most.


That works until she gets tired of him being disconnected and not in touch with her feelings. 

I can't tell you how many times I've read about the "walkaway wife" who after nagging the husband for years for more love, attention and affection finally just gives up and files for divorce so she can be with a guy who will do all those things for her. 

A relationship isn't about playing games and acting all cool so your partner will want you more since they can't get it easily. 

It might work when you're a teenager though.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I realize you posted this in the men's section, but I think you really need the impression of a woman here. As a woman, this post came across as someone I would tell my daughters to run from. You are right, women are picking up negative "vibes" from you. It's all over your post.

It sounds like you have no life. Do you have any male friends? Do you have any interests? What do you do for fun? What do you do for a living? What do you do to take care of yourself and be a man that is interesting, strong, fun to be around, and attractive?

The idea is not to be needy, but to be comfortable with who you are and interested in forming positive relationships with people, not only women, but to connect with people in a positive way and interact with them in a healthy manner.

No one owes you anything. People don't get into relationships because they deserve it. They get into relationships because they have something to offer another person.




LuckyM said:


> For a long time I am aware that I easily get crushes and romantic
> interests in women that are rarely reciprocated, usually never. Every
> time I think--don't do this again to yourself and then it happens over
> and over. And I obsess about it. No chance for even a date. Either
> ...


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I don't know why, but as I read this thread, it seemed like hunkel, Townes and Etomidate were all talking to himself. Now hunkel is banned, but Townes and Etomidate are still here....what does that mean?


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Araucaria said:


> I don't know why, but as I read this thread, it seemed like hunkel, Townes and Etomidate were all talking to himself. Now hunkel is banned, but Townes and Etomidate are still here....what does that mean?




Schizophrenia I think. lol 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Schizophrenia I think. lol
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Or the eye.....


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## MapMan (Dec 11, 2015)

Vespil said:


> MapMan said:
> 
> 
> > Consider that everything you learned about being a good man, is exactly the sort of thing that turns women off. Consider that there was truth in some of the old cliches. Do your reading and do not take any relationship advice from a woman. Do not confide your fears in a woman. Do not show her how soft you are. Build your confidence and become attractive. There are too many books and studies to count, but pick some up and read them. Be confident and aloof, not caring or attentive. It sounds strange and few women will admit it, but it is attractive to most.
> ...


Let him get the attracting thing down first. He can always learn how to keep a woman's interest, but he has to attract one first. For better or worse, the"tricks" work and will eventually let him discover himself.


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## LuckyM (Apr 8, 2018)

A few of you misunderstand my post.
Because folks tend to read too much into them.

I never said that I reveal my feelings or talk about them.
I said that girls do not want to hear them. (Except in a caring strong rel'ship)
And that is why I keep it to myself. I learned this from my abusive family
not to appear vulnerable.

Yeah, you could say I am desperate but not in the way you think.
Actually I am too selective, choosy, always have been. Maybe is why I 
am alone? There are many SF I could have had but don't want.
Like many guys, I am lured by beauty and charm, personality, like
a moth to a flame lol. 

Any way, I rarely try any more. Useless, futile for me.

On the Fly--look up audacity and crass insult in the dictionary.
I have had loads of dates in the past. Good, bad and cul de sacs.
I'm a survivor.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> On the Fly--look up audacity and crass insult in the dictionary.
> I have had loads of dates in the past. Good, bad and cul de sacs.
> I'm a survivor.


I don't always agree with On the Fly, but I have a feeling he probably has better luck than you do. So instead of pompous, passive aggressive retorts, why not try some of his suggestions?


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> I don't know why, but as I read this thread, it seemed like hunkel, Townes and Etomidate were all talking to himself. Now hunkel is banned, but Townes and Etomidate are still here....what does that mean?


If that's implying I have multiple accounts, I can assure that's not the case. Not even sure what the point of doing that would be.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Schizophrenia I think. lol
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


No schizophrenia. Just one poster like yourself.


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

LuckyM said:


> I never said that I reveal my feelings or talk about them.
> I said that girls do not want to hear them. (Except in a caring strong rel'ship)
> And that is why I keep it to myself. I learned this from my abusive family
> not to appear vulnerable.



I think the reason why so many of us got the impression that you revealed your feelings to these women/girls comes from you making statements like "girls do not want to hear them." That implies you've done it and have substantial evidence to support that concept. If you have not revealed these feelings to them (they shouldn't be directed towards taken women regardless) how do you know this?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Araucaria said:


> I don't know why, but as I read this thread, it seemed like hunkel, Townes and Etomidate were all talking to himself. Now hunkel is banned, but Townes and Etomidate are still here....what does that mean?


*Moderator warning:-*

It mean nobody gets to call out other members as being trolls. 

There's a reporting system, please use it.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LuckyM said:


> Yeah, you could say I am desperate but not in the way you think.
> Actually I am too selective, choosy, always have been. Maybe is why I
> am alone? There are many SF I could have had but don't want.


Sooo, you're basically saying what just about EVERY guy says - that the ones who want *you* aren't attractive, and that you prefer a pretty lady with charm and personality.

You and just about every other guy on the planet.

HOWEVER, you're not attracting these 'beauties' and it comes down to two things - either your creepiness and desperation is rolling off you in waves and you're scaring them off, or you look like Quasimodo. 

The creepy-desperate thing, you can change with some behavioral modifications.

The whole Quasimodo / bell tower thing however, is another story.

But you just keep contradicting yourself. One minute you're playing the victim who can't even get a woman to look at him without her throwing up on your shoes and running away, and the next minute, you're claiming you're the stud of the year and have had 'loads of dates' in the past.


So...I'm confused.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Go read the "book of pook" - its a great read and will give you some good frame of mind perspectives.

Most women dont want a guy who falls head over heels for her early in the relationship. You might think you are hiding it from them but they can sniff it out. Go download the book and read it


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## Etomidate (Mar 10, 2018)

LuckyM said:


> A few of you misunderstand my post.
> Because folks tend to read too much into them.
> 
> I never said that I reveal my feelings or talk about them.
> ...


I don't think anyone really misunderstood your post at all. In your original post, you were lamenting the fact that you can't date because women are either out of your league, too young, or taken. Then in this post you say that you have no problem finding dates but that you're selective? No offense, but this sounds like something someone who is very very immature would say. In just your two posts, it's pretty obvious why you are perpetually single: you come off both as way too desperate and way too arrogant. 

The problem isn't the women, the problem seems to be you. I kind of get the incel vibe from you: someone who thinks they deserve to be with a supermodel and that women are really only good for sex. Plenty of people get into life-long relationship, including people who are very unattractive (by conventional standards). They just end up being with people who are more "in their league." The one thing incels have in common is they think they deserve people who are out of their league. Is this your line of thinking, OP? If it is, you need to fix it or stay single.


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