# My wife and I are starting some anal play



## RevsDad (Jun 14, 2012)

I apologize in advance for the length of this post. After 24 years together my wife very recently expressed interest/willingness to use an anal plug. Just came a surprise to me because I have more or less wanted to experiment with anal stuff for many many years and she has always steadfastly refused. She literally would not ever even want me to touch her back there. In the past few months during the times we would shower together she would finally start letting me soap her up all over including her anus. But nothing more and that was always brief and she would stop me from prolonged touching. She knows that I wanted more.

Anyway recently She read some books in a series from a “romance” author she that enjoys that was fairly risqué and that featured a lot of anal plug use. And she suddenly expressed willingness and interest. Additionally she’s very close to her sister who has some anal sex experience and somehow recently the topic came up between them and her sister told her that the orgasms were amazing. Needless to say I was shocked and excited at my wife’s newfound willingness to try.

We shopped online and bought an anal plug training kit. Three different plugs calling from small, medium, to larger. We did some reading online to kind of give ourselves some information. Most sources stated that it was important to start slow and small and to make sure she was aroused (multiple sources said an orgasm prior to plug insertion was recommended ) and relaxed before trying the anal plug. Well lubricated fingers were also recommended to prepare the area. So we had her masturbate (which is a pretty regular practice for her that I fully support and is a common foreplay method for us). While she was masturbating I was helping her out with nipple stimulation and we planned on me rubbing around her anus and then inserting a finger once she was progressing toward her orgasm. We heated up the lube and as she was getting closer to climaxing I started rubbing around her anus and after a minute of doing so I slowly inserted a finger. I could feel her body contracting as I slowly slid the finger in but from there I really didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether to just leave it in there without moving, slowly move it in or out, or wiggle it around. If any women in here can give us some advice as to the best methods for anal fingering please let me know.

Anyway I think with it being her first time with a finger in her ass it kind of distracted her and she was not able to finish like she normally does with her vibrator. We talked later and guessed that was probably a situation like a teenager being fingered for the first time. She likely was too busy thinking about the fact that she was being touched in her ass instead of trying to enjoy it.

Anyway we decided to go to the anal plug then. We figured she was aroused/relaxed enough. She got in doggy style position and I put a ton of lube on the plug and angled it like we were told in the articles and I told her to take a deep breath and exhale. It slid in easily and I told her it was in. She was like “that’s it? It’s all the way in already?” I’m guessing she had it built-up in her head how it was going to be much more uncomfortable. Granted it was the smallest one. Anyways we had sex and both of us had our orgasms. Afterwards she commented on that it was definitely a little tighter than normal. All in all it was a good first time experience. I guess now we need to experiment some with the anal plug and see if she enjoys it if I pull it in and out. One of her favorite aspects of the books she read was a vibrating anal plug. We didn’t want to spend the money on one of those before we knew that in general that she enjoys the anal play. So I guess next time I’m also going to try putting her her magic wand up against the base of the inserted plug to make it vibrate on the inside to see if she likes it. And also based on the fact that it was so easy to insert and was “a little tighter” to her plus the fact that she came I’m guessing that after a few more sessions she might be on track to try the next size up plug to see how those sensations feel.

Anyway…anyone here with anal plug experience…if you could lead us rookies in the right direction in this endeavor it would be appreciated. Any help on how I can give her as much pleasure as possible with fingering and plug use would be great. As a duo We really aren’t focused on anal sex at all yet at this point. We have talked about it. And If things develop to that point awesome. But we know that anal sex is multiple levels above where we are now and we understand that we are newbies just trying to learn and enjoy the process.


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

It's awesome you guys have great communication and both are enjoying the new adventure! Keep it up and go slow!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

My wife would use a vibrating plug but was hesitant for anal intercourse as she says I am too big and is afraid of injury. I really did nothing for me the 1 time I tried with previous GF. It was like masturbating with 👌a finger and thumb. She always asks me what I want and she will do anything as she trusts me. Thinking restraints and sex swing when oldest leaves for college in couple years. 😜


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Went through a phase like this with my wife and it was fun but then all of the sudden it was off the menu again. Mentally anal sex is awesome for the man but physically it’s nothing special. Rectums are very spacious and not tight at all like a vagina.

Just to be clear, anuses are tight, rectums are not.


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## CallingDrLove (9 mo ago)

Trying to convince a woman to try anal is the only time a man will ever say he has a small penis.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

RevsDad said:


> Anyway recently She read some books in a series from a “romance” author she that enjoys that was fairly risqué and that featured a lot of anal plug use.



I just want to know the titles of the book the OP's wife was reading!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Silicon lube when you get to using your actual D. No need to reapply.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

RevsDad said:


> I didn’t know whether to just leave it in there without moving, slowly move it in or out, or wiggle it around. If any women in here can give us some advice as to the best methods for anal fingering please let me know.


Experiment and see what she likes. What one works for one woman doesn't work for them all. She may also like different things during different acts. That applies whether you are using your fingers, your member, toys, tongue, etc.

I wouldn't say that anal sex (or larger toys) are multiple levels above where you are right now (besides what your comfortable with/open to). It's not like her backdoor is going to stay gaping open. The bigger the object, the more warm up that is needed that session.

As others have said, anal sex is tight at the entrance but not past that. For the man, it definitely feels different but I wouldn't say it feels better. For the woman, how it feels can also change over time.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

RevsDad said:


> I could feel her body contracting as I slowly slid the finger in but from there I really didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether to just leave it in there without moving, slowly move it in or out, or wiggle it around. If any women in here can give us some advice as to the best methods for anal fingering please let me know.


Rhythmically pushing in further and withdrawing partially repeatedly helps. Of which what often work well through my varied experience. Is when a woman is on her back a la missionary or sitting upright or slightly reclined facing me. To have a finger or fingers inside a woman's anus reaching towards her vagina internally. Or when on top doing missionary and using fingers anally is to thrust in and out with a couple of fingers while having ones penis inside the vagina working. All one has to do is angle slightly and one can insert anally easily enough. Which all adds to the sensation down there. Or when spooning or doing doggy, to insert a thumb as well (with fingers pointing towards/holding her back, while doing penis in vagina penetration as well with the thumb tilting in and out more and less.



> Anyway…anyone here with anal plug experience…if you could lead us rookies in the right direction in this endeavor it would be appreciated. Any help on how I can give her as much pleasure as possible with fingering and plug use would be great.


Hi @RevsDad, although I have posted the following here before, it is somewhat relevant to you, so with some editing here it is.

...

As a man who has had anal sex with different women since 1989. Including still doing my wife (married for 23 years, & together for 26) anally, multiple times a week (usually 4-6x and often more) through circa 24 years. Plus being on the receiving end of prostate massage and anal play myself as well, here are some of my suggestions:

I encourage you both to stay sober, and do not have yourself or your wife take anything that will impair your senses. Since you can do serious damage if not careful. Plus anal really shouldn't be a painful experience, in fact pain is natures way of telling you something is wrong and to pause, adjust and or stop. In fact when done right anal sex can be a great experience for a woman and can even bring some of them to orgasm. That said it certainly isn't for everybody.

On positions to start I recommend spooning from behind with both of you laying on your sides, on a bed as one of the best ways to start. Followed by or alternatively going into her from behind (doggy) with her kneeling on a firm support, while also having her torso supported so have her positioned at the side of a bed. Other positions can all be fine as well, after getting into it with some practice. Yet to begin with you have a better chance at success (comfort), starting with the positions I recommend.

As to the risk, one can suffer from prolapse, tears, fissures, fecal incontinence and have other problems, so I encourage you both to only keep going down this path, if you are both cognisant of the risks and are willing despite the risks.

That said my wife has been on the receiving end of very frequent anal sex, which includes penetration via a penis, butt plugs, dildos, thumb, finger/s, and all digits not past the knuckles through 24 years of receiving it so far. Yet she has not suffered any problems from the practice, that said we are both very mindful of injury, stop if anything doesn't feel right and always sober while doing it that way.So it can be done without it being a problem,

On lube, it is a good idea to get additional lube for the activity, that said in my experience you want the right amount of lube and not too much of the stuff. Since too much can make it to too slippery to get ones penis in easily. That said the more you do it the better able you are to gauge how much works with who you are with.

I also encourage you to avoid using numbing lubes, now sure you may turn up to a shop and ask for lube for anal sex, and you may be offered a numbing lube which comes in a very small tube and only requires a small application. Yet you ought to beware of anything which dulls sensation. Since that can come at risk of injury, so do you and your wife a favour and don't go there.

Likewise in my experience with my wife after so much practice of it, we often eschew commercial lube and use spit/drool hers or mine plus sometimes her vaginal fluids, and that is sufficient for us having done this now for decades together with her being receptive and used to entry etc. Although despite often eschewing additional lube, we still have it handy and still very occasionally use it.

On which lube to use, we've tried various commercial lubes, they all kind of work the same so it doesn't matter to us which one, although we tend towards using Pjur products most often for that purpose.

It is also worth noting however that if we are going to use a dildo, butt plug etc (i.e. not our own parts) we always lube up such objects with a commercially manufactured lube while not forgetting hygienic treatment of those objects both before and after anal play.

Other unpleasantness to watch out for is UTI's so be careful of going from anus to vagina and vice versa, although my wife she has only experienced having a UTI twice ever and we have done that kind of thing a bit as well and her UTI experience when with me wasn't related to us doing that. Anyway it can't hurt to err to being cautious, especially in the beginning of doing such things.

Also generally condoms are a good idea, especially with girlfriends for STI/STD stuff, of which infection can be at a greater incidence through anal sex. Plus in my experience condoms can be handy for wanting to switch up from vagina to anus without having to sanitise between changes.

It also helps for the receiving partner to be relaxed and sometimes push outward at times, since that can open them up a bit more as well. Communication is important as well, that doesn't mean you need to constantly be checking it's okay or having you being told it's okay, yet it can't hurt to check in or tell at some point in the early days of that kind of thing.

Also start small first so fingers before building up to using your penis. Plus getting there safely and without it being an exercise in pain, is better done over a period of sessions rather than all at once.

When putting in a finger or other digits, a bit of rubbing on the entrance before easing it in gently works well. One cool thing about having your fingers inside a woman is, it's a great experience feeling the build up to orgasm, the distinct tipping point of orgasm, through the lengthy orgasm and the ebbing away of orgasm while ones fingers are in her arse. It's also a useful guide knowing what that feels like since you can tell when a woman is living closer to orgasm or losing the sensation before getting there, which can guide you to easy digital or oral orgasms for a woman when doing that to her.

Also when putting your penis in someones anus, it often doesn't just slip in, even with lube since it can slip away, yet make sure you take it slow push in one direction to get it in under one edge of the rectum then adjust to get the rest in then slowly push a little more till the glans a re in then pause a bit before slowly edging further in. Past the initial entry you will feel like there is a ring around you a bit past the entrance. Then as you push further in you will find another ring like sensation, which can feel quite pleasant as your penis pushes past it and comes backwards and then pushes past it again onwards etc. It also helps to be quite erect, otherwise it's like the saying of trying to push a wet noodle in, because it doesn't work very well.

As best as I can paraphrase my wife describes being on the receiving end variously as follows below. Of note though my wife sometimes orgasms through anal sex and enjoys doing it. It's worth adding that in her experience it sometimes doesn't do anything for her at all, plus it has hurt a little bit on rare occasion.

"Sometimes it just feels like pressure it isn't pleasant or unpleasant, it just isn't doing anything for me."

"Sometimes it feels so warm and great with my whole insides feeling filled, while the movement of it all pulses through me in wonderful waves."

One thing also worth mentioning, is that in the moment a woman can be really into it and grinding her anus on to your penis and you can feel her rectum gripping your penis and releasing it over and over. Yet a woman can be sore afterwards despite being very actively into it at the time. Plus with being sore, that is when to allow recovery time and not do it till that feeling has gone away. Which can be variable so a woman can have anal sex aplenty through many days on end and feel fine and then one day get sore from it and that experience is variable as well.

Cleanliness is a thing. Since 1989 I've only encountered a tiny amount of mess and smell no more than a handful of times, yet it is something that can come with the territory. If that kind of thing will bother you don't go there. If you can handle it, then have fun. Now I can't offer you any advice on any preparation involving enemas, since I have no experience with that. Yet some people swear by it for prep beforehand. That said in my experience as long as the receiver has good healthy bowel movements and hasn't got an upset stomach in any way mess and smells aren't things that are often encountered at all. Plus if your fingers go in first you will tend to find something before your penis goes in fi you are going to find something.

Since it is part of anal sex I will also mention rimming and ass to mouth activities. If your partner doesn't have an ick factor for such things she may do that. Of which with the women who I have experienced that with none of them ever got sick from it with me. With ass to mouth at least to the best of my knowledge looking up such things medically, they are not likely to get sick from potentially tasting their own fecal matter. Rimming you on the other hand can come at a greater risk, since it is not their own fecal matter. That said whenever rimming is a thing for my wife and I we aways wash ourselves well before such play and it has never been an issue, while ass to mouth has never been a problem for my wife either.

On other stuff like inserting objects that don't have a substantial base or can break and get stuck inside, be very wary lest your partner has to make a trip to an emergency department in a hospital. Plus be aware that the connections between anal beads can break.

Also on ejaculating inside your wife's rectum. In my experience some women are okay with it and others not. Now usually a fair amount of the semen dribbles out or can be pushed out just afterwards. Yet having cum up ones rectum may linger up there for a bit. Which can make going to the toilet afterwards for a bit not always nice, yet some don't mind.

Of which when it comes to cumming inside a partners bum, if your partner doesn't mind the experience. With a bit of practice it becomes very easy to have ones first squirt of orgasm inside their rectum, followed by pulling it out and letting the rest of it go inside their mouth and or on their face, which is something my wife and I do a fair bit.

...

That covered I'm sure there a dozens of things I have forgotten to mention, yet I hope what I have shared helps a little. Anyway have fun trying it and if you have any more questions I will help if I can, so don't hesitate to ask.


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## hplove (Jan 19, 2021)

Check out the book the Surrender by Toni Bentley,.....


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## loblawbobblog (9 mo ago)

Early in our relationship, my wife and I experimented with anal play, including anal sex. It was interesting and sometimes fun but it mostly was a lot of extra work for but that much extra fun. Clean up before and after is just too much logistics for us, ha. And as others have stated, for the man it's a weird feeling, tight at the opening but spacious beyond that. I'm glad we tried it, though. Good luck and have fun.


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