# Who's at fault?



## gatsby76 (Aug 30, 2013)

Hi, I think what my problem has been discussed here already so forgive me for being redundant. However I am in dire need of advice.

It's just at this point now I feel that if i don't do anything or both my wife and how to approach her the this marriage would be destroyed.

Lately, or about almost a year now, we have been having frequent fights. I am working in another place and my wife and 1 kid is left in our country. Being on this situation I have always expected that my wife would support and understand me. Know that I have made sacrifices to earn money because even if I work in our country it wouldn't be enough.

The first 4 years when I was away my wife did not work, I asked her of this because my child was barely 1 year old and i wanted her to take care of him first hand. All was very well and despite the loneliness of being away I felt that my wife cared for me as she always looked and asked for my welfare.

But a big mistake and problem happened, my wife has used the money I spent and for a lot where we wanted to live to her family. I was devastated, my wife was sorry and admitted her mistake. But for me that was a very big dent on my trust on her.

Then I changed company with a a better salary, i was able to bring my wife and kid to live with me in the country where i worked. This is also so that I can keep her away from her family which somehow influences her. So since she is was also here I was transparent, she knew everything about my work and how much i earned.

But all i earned i gave to them, i bought them expensive clothes, gadgets, going out on nice restaurants and the good life, and to be able to do that i was holding back things for my own. You see I am this kind of person, I can live and do without pleasures so that I can give what's left to my wife and child.

Then more than a year ago I decided to send them back home as I gave suspected my company is terminating people due to lack of projects. Sensing the problem, I thought it is much easier that I keep them safe in our own country as well as if I was terminated I can move easily and close out matters.

From then on, I have been cautious again about the money I spent. But what I didn't understand is that my wife somehow gets offended. I told her it's my right to know being a member of the family and so as to be able to plan and work our finances. This is one of the problems, why would she be offended? It's not that I do it all the time. 

Recently also her family has started to borrow money again I really don't mind but the thing is now they tell me when they pay it. So when the time comes for them to pay I ask my wife. But instead, she doesn't answer me directly and argues that all i talk about is money. Which is not true.

We chat all the time but not about money, I only mention it when the time is due or already passed and I wanted to follow up. I feel like I have no right anymore.

Please help


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

You aren't wrong. She is being evasive. Marriage requires openness and honesty. You would speak less about money if she spoke about it more. By withholding information she creates a contrast to use against you.

It is simple.

You ask. She answers. 

Done.

You ask. She evades.

Not done.

I'm sure she can understand that.

Write it on a piece of paper and hand it to her. A standard piece of paper. Not a notepad. The few words and all the empty space illustration beautifully.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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