# Mental Breakdown



## Friedaw88 (Jul 13, 2021)

My husband and I have had some issues lately and through them all we both know divorce is not an option. Three days ago I was on day one of my period but I lost it. Our almost 4yr old son has been acting out and we have concluded it's because of starting preschool and just animosity in the house, which we have actively been working on.
Anyway, I was cleaning the house before my husband came home from work, he works off shore week on, week off. I was busy cleaning so I didn't reply (via text) right away about our sons behavior. My husband asked me "is everything ok?"

that was when I completely broke down. I dropped the vacuum and went to my bed and just cried. I kept repeating "I'm not ok. I'm not ok." I continued cleaning whole repeating those words and others.
After everything we've been through, I don't feel good enough and I don't feel like i deserve to be ok or treated good. 
We've been together 6yrs. Married 5 years. 
6 years prior to getting together, we had dated for 3.5 yrs (high school and a year of college.
During those 6 years apart, he slept with very few people while I did the opposite and was rarely "single". 

My husband didn't fully grasp my past until about 6 months ago when we finally talked about it. No, I was naive and didn't fully understand the gravity of my busy sexy life. I am now living with a lot of regret of my past and having unintentionally hurting my husband. 

I know, you probably think I'm stupid for not taking sex more seriously but that's just the truth. I didn't understand the damage I was doing. 
My husband has been moving on from being angry and hurt but I still feel horrible and I'm not ok. I don't feel like my husband will ever love me as much as I love him. 
I know these things take time to heal. 
I don't have a specific question. Just to vent.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You seem to have a lot on your mind and for some reason you feel guilty about your past sexual behavior.
You were a single woman who enjoyed sex. It’s not a crime and I would go as far as to say it’s none of your husbands business.
Unless you gave him the impression that you had very little sexual experience during the years when you two were broken up he needs to get over himself pretty quickly.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

How was the subject brought up? By him? By you? Did something happen preceding the conversation?


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## Savannah01 (Sep 8, 2021)

It seems that because you have so many pent up feelings about the whole situation that may be the two of you need a heart to heart talk just to be able to vent out your current feelings. Sometimes bottling up these feelings do not turn out well because you somehow in to express that. Being in this forum is one way to do it because it helps us in relieving these mixed feelings. If you can’t talk to a close friend , Then I would think you would want to talk to your husband a little more directly and tell him what’s wrong what’s bothering you and find a common ground to where are you both can move forward from. We all have issues with our significant others and sometimes I still feel that directly dealing with situations in finding a common solution that works for the both of you will help immensely


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

'till this day, I have no idea how many sexual partners my husband had before me, and I don't care. Why would I care? That's something that belongs to his past.

I really don't understand why people get jealous of previous relationships. 

What is so grave about having a busy sex life before marriage?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> What is so grave about having a busy sex life before marriage?


I loved having a busy sex life before marriage!


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Friedaw88 said:


> I know, you probably think I'm stupid for not taking sex more seriously but that's just the truth. I didn't understand the damage I was doing.


Can't see any blame that can be attached to what you do when you're single.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Best not to talk about past lovers with your current lover though.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I loved having a busy sex life before marriage!


You can have a busy sex life after marriage too...


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> You can have a busy sex life after marriage too...


Yes... I did, for about 20 years...


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> Yes... I did, for about 20 years...


Now you have to get busy after divorce


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Freida have you thought of getting into therapy ? it might be good to start individual counseling first and then move to couple counseling...look the past is the past you can't change it but you can improve where you are today.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> Now you have to get busy after divorce


I'll do my best!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Friedaw88 said:


> My husband didn't fully grasp my past until about 6 months ago when we finally talked about it. No, I was naive and didn't fully understand the gravity of my busy sexy life. I am now living with a lot of regret of my past and having unintentionally hurting my husband.


You cannot hurt someone you don't yet know with your past actions. 

You may regret it for your own reasons, but your husband is out of line if he is making you feel bad about it unless you specifically lied to him before you got married.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

pastasauce79 said:


> What is so grave about having a busy sex life before marriage?


Put me in the category of folks who would rather have a partner with an active sexual past, who knows their likes and dislikes, over one pure as the driven snow.

Show me someone with no past and I'll show you someone who is a risk for not finding sex very important.


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## 351235 (Sep 9, 2021)

Friedaw88 said:


> My husband and I have had some issues lately and through them all we both know divorce is not an option. Three days ago I was on day one of my period but I lost it. Our almost 4yr old son has been acting out and we have concluded it's because of starting preschool and just animosity in the house, which we have actively been working on.
> Anyway, I was cleaning the house before my husband came home from work, he works off shore week on, week off. I was busy cleaning so I didn't reply (via text) right away about our sons behavior. My husband asked me "is everything ok?"
> 
> that was when I completely broke down. I dropped the vacuum and went to my bed and just cried. I kept repeating "I'm not ok. I'm not ok." I continued cleaning whole repeating those words and others.
> ...


You weren't together in those 6 years, right? He can be shocked by the #... he can be disappointed by it (to himself)... but you have nothing to feel sorry about. Regret is a waste of your time at this point. You love him, you support him, you love him -- that's the here and now.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Most of us agree that its *_no one's business_ how many sexual partners a person has had, prior to a steady relationship.

But, _no one's business_ is a secret that often gets told.

If the number is high, than any number of people can blab during some_ show and tell._

It is pointless to point out that Friedaw88 should have kept that number her secret.

She didn't.
She got busy talking.

There is no going back to the past.
Her husband will either get over it, or he will not.

We all hope he accepts the reality, without choking, being verbally abusive, and/or bailing out of the marriage.
...........................................................

"Frieda, from here on forward, avoid this subject like the plague".

If your husband brings it up, don't participate, keep quiet, keep calm.
.........................................................

Frieda may be on safe ground here, with her past, but her husband (right or wrong) disagrees.
We don't count.





* IMO, if the number of sexual partners is uncommonly high, most men and women would get squeamish.


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## Lows to Heal (Nov 26, 2021)

Oh the number, how I hate discussing it. Before I got married I used sex as a way to cope with my issues, it's not ridiculously high but still. Well, what is an acceptable number? My husband was a virgin when I met him, so my number is a lot compared to him.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I know my wife has had past encounters and wish that she would share what she has learned. I was virgin until almost 30 years of age and became sexually active just about a year before my wife and I did. When I asked how to please her she just said "Men know". I didn't know an effing thing and would have appreciated some help from her experience.


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## gerasd (11 mo ago)

Don't blame yourself. The most crucial thing in this situation is to talk to your partner and compromise. Only in this way can you solve all your problems both sexually and morally. If that doesn't help, you should see a marriage therapist. He will help guide you on the right path. Remember, the most important thing is not to blame yourself for anything and not get depressed. I advise you to learn how to manifest. That can help you gain moral confidence and cope with psychological problems. I wish you the best of luck!


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, I feel sad for your reading this. I hope that I don’t offend religious people or virgins here, this is not my intention.

I come from a culture where people don’t really date long before marrying and sadly the men and women who were virgins made the worst partners and spouse predators I’ve ever seen. You see, they missed out on experimenting because their parents didn’t allow it. So the poor spouses got cheated on, and they rarely found someone single, it was always someone already taken, usually also a someone with limited partners. Lots of broken families.

So it doesn’t always mean it’s bad if you had a past. At least you got it out of your system before marriage, and you chose someone you liked having sex with, and you won’t be wondering what else is out there for you.


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