# Observations of the downward spiral of a person with Histrionic Personality Disorder



## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

*The downward spiral of a cheating wife with Histrionic Personality Disorder*

Acting or looking overly seductive

Being easily influenced by other people

Being overly concerned with their looks

Being overly dramatic and emotional

Being overly sensitive to criticism or disapproval

Believing that relationships are more intimate than they actually are

Blaming failure or disappointment on others

Constantly seeking reassurance or approval

Having a low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification

Needing to be the center of attention (self-centeredness)

Quickly changing emotions, which may seem shallow to others
Treatment:
People with this condition often seek treatment when they experience depression or anxiety from failed romantic relationships or other conflicts with people. Medication may help the symptoms, but talk therapy (psychotherapy) is the best treatment for the condition itself.

Expectations (prognosis)

Histrionic personality disorder can improve with psychotherapy and sometimes medications. If left untreated, it can cause conflict in people's personal life and prevent them from reaching their potential in their work life.


Complications

Histrionic personality disorder may affect your social or romantic relationships, or your ability to cope with losses or failures. You may go through many job changes as you become easily bored and have trouble dealing with frustration.

Because you tend to crave new things and excitement, you may put yourself in risky situations. All of these factors may lead to a greater risk of depression.


If you're a man and you looked at the above information and a bulb went off in your head- That's my wife! I feel genuinely sorry for you. 

I lived it for 18 years. My stbxw is a classic case and her life has been in the process of unraveling for several years. She was professionally diagnosed, so this isn't my own theory. First, she had to be placed in a psychiatric hospital after a major breakdown, then disowned her entire family (justified IMO, she was an abuse victim), turned her back on her religious convictions, and finally left me and her daughter for her AP. 

I have very little contact, only the essentials involving divorce and our daughter, but what I observe is that she's dressing even more provocatively than ever (she's 43, dressing like she's a 21 yo call girl). My daughter reports on her flying into rages, especially when driving (blasted the horn for 1/2hr last night to get someone to come out and move their car which was blocking her). 

And generally engaging in constant distractions like compulsive clothes shopping, clubbing, restaurants etc.

I recently got a copy of the bill for her STD test from a few weeks ago sent to me (didn't specify pos or neg), so she's either cheating on AP or she suspects he's cheating on her.

She seems headed for disaster. She has no interest in therapy. It's sad really, the need for constant excitement, novelty and validation, she's embarrassing herself and setting a horrible example for her child. I understand that the abuse she suffered contributed to this, and I do cut her some slack because of it, but this kind of person can't be fixed IMO. 

I still feel the hurt of the betrayal, but the problem is no longer mine. Good luck to her AP, maybe someday I'll write him a letter and thank him for taking her off my hands.


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

Hi, Maincourse.
Glad you're see the postive side of things.
I didn't understand this line:
Believing that relationships are more intimate than they actually are

Does it mean that the subject has another perspective on what a relationship should be or does it mean that he's considering, say for example, the affair partner to be the true love of his life ?


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

Torrivien, I would say that my wife is thinking that the AP is the true love of her life. But I think it also applies to how these type of people view same sex friendships too.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

I've recently stumbled across this disorder as well. Fits my STBXW to a tee. The drama queen. The pretty princess. The entitled wife.

Over the last 15 years she has succeeded in alienating me from my friends and family due to the dramatic lies she concocts to make me look like a monster, while she looks the victim.

She does not form lasting friendships, becoming bored with people. She will unfailingly sabotage her 'friendship' and the break-up will be very dramatic. Then she'll find a new friend.

Her friends are always less attractive than her.

She is a serial cheater.

She will not accept criticism. She refuses counselling because there is nothing wrong with her.

She needs constant validation, and seeks it from others by acting inappropriately. Very poor boundaries. 

Her conversations are always centered around her. "so and so said I was pretty." Me me me.

She gets frustrated with the day-to-day routine of life, and needs to be entertained, preferably with new material things, dining out, clubbing, vacations, or new relationships.

She can be extremely charming and friendly. Coupled with her physical attraction, she is very like-able on a superficial level.

*Some interesting facts:* 

HPD affects 3% of the general population. It affects women primarily, so it is safe to say that it *affects 6% of women*.

It is the only personality disorder associated with being physically attractive.

So if we rule out the unattractive women, which I will say is at least 50% of the female population, the stats would estimate that *10-20% of attractive women exhibit this personality disorder.*

If you are with a woman like this now, run away. She will ruin your life. You cannot fix her. She doesn't want to be fixed. Let her be somebody else's problem.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

I think there are a lot of very frustrated and unhappy men who have no idea that this personality disorder exists. Not all women who have it display every trait, but regardless, it's very destructive to a relationship.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

*Re: The downward spiral of a cheating wife with Histrionic Personality Disorder*



maincourse99 said:


> Acting or looking overly seductive
> 
> Being easily influenced by other people
> 
> ...


The DSM 5 is being compiled and "Histrionic Personality Disorder" has been removed.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Could be my wife as well. It has a lot of parallels to Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

How do they diagnose this? Was it only after the breakdown? My wife is a fully functioning - working, successful. But as her separated husband, I know she has a problem (abusive father, dysfunctional family, horrible childhood). But she'll never be diagnosed because she has no reasons to get diagnosed - she is happy leaving a human debris field in her wake.

Thanks for posting.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Could be my wife as well. It has a lot of parallels to Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
> 
> How do they diagnose this? Was it only after the breakdown? My wife is a fully functioning - working, successful. But as her separated husband, I know she has a problem (abusive father, dysfunctional family, horrible childhood). But she'll never be diagnosed because she has no reasons to get diagnosed - she is happy leaving a human debris field in her wake.
> 
> Thanks for posting.


The best way to get diagnosed with a personality disorder is for your wife to be seen by a psychiatrist or a therapist for a significant amount of time so they could get a reading of the baseline behavior. Only then could such a label really fit.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Funny, I was diagnosed with this as well after the MMPI and MMPI II. Since they deleted it, I suppose I no longer have it.....Sweet!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Thanks. I guess on of the challenges of diagnosing and treating a disorder such as this is that the person suffering the disorder will not stay in treatment with a therapist unless they receive validation from the therapist. Eg - my wife tried a new therapist after we split (two months ago), but went back to another therapist who was our MC four years ago. Very ineffective - the therapist is from her EAP at work. When we met, my wife didn't talk about her ongoing and secret EA (which became a PA) and the therapist basically listened and said that if my wife didn't feel "appreciated" at home then she should leave.  This was four years ago when my wife was in the midst of her EA which became a PA. Therapist didn't pick up or probe any of this - basically believed everything my affair fogged wife said. Now my wife is getting IC from the same woman. Seeking and finding validation, instead of healing herself.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Maincourse, how do you know my STBXW? :rofl:


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

My wife had a breakdown and was in an institution for a week. That is where she was diagnosed.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

In the context of interpersonal relationships it's just another in the long list of 'can't manage to get along with others' disorder. Do we really care whether they're histrionic, paranoid or narcissists? Or plain old psychopaths? It all seems to terminate in same dead end either way. 

My spouse is a paranoid type narcissist which her in both Cluster A and Cluster B disorder types. But she also shows OCD behavior and hoarding which branches into Cluster C types. I supposed it's useful from a clinical perspective to make those distinctions but it's not a meaningful taxonomy in terms of living with her.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

In the context of interpersonal relationships it's just another in the long list of 'can't manage to get along with others' disorder. Do we really care whether they're histrionic, paranoid or narcissists? Or plain old psychopaths? It all seems to terminate in same dead end either way. 

My spouse is a paranoid type narcissist which her in both Cluster A and Cluster B disorder types. But she also shows OCD behavior and hoarding which branches into Cluster C types. I supposed it's useful from a clinical perspective to make those distinctions but it's not a meaningful taxonomy in terms of living with her.

I agree. What does it really matter what their problem is? Might be helpful in avoiding a woman like this in the future, hopefully we can recognize the signs.


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## Hope Springs Eternal (Oct 6, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> Funny, I was diagnosed with this as well after the MMPI and MMPI II. Since they deleted it, I suppose I no longer have it.....Sweet!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're off the hook!


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## SweetAndSour (Feb 25, 2012)

Torrivien said:


> Hi, Maincourse.
> Glad you're see the postive side of things.
> *I didn't understand this line:
> Believing that relationships are more intimate than they actually are*
> ...


They feel like their partner needs to provide more love. It is not that they aren't loved enough. They are *not able to receive and process the healthy love* so they are always hungry for love regardless if they are already loved or not. 

Since they are not able to receive your love, they start looking for love elsewhere, like the slime ball neighbour next door or coworker, who is only interested on what she or he carriess in between her or his legs.

At the and after countless sex partners, they look for love forever an die without learning what real love or intimacy is.


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## maincourse99 (Aug 15, 2012)

_They feel like their partner needs to provide more love. It is not that they aren't loved enough. They are *not able to receive and process the healthy love* so they are always hungry for love regardless if they are already loved or not. 

Since they are not able to receive your love, they start looking for love elsewhere, like the slime ball neighbour next door or coworker, who is only interested on what she or he carriess in between her or his legs.

At the and after countless sex partners, they look for love forever an die without learning what real love or intimacy is._


Exactly right. My STBXW when trying to describe her feelings for the OM is all over the place, from not really wanting him, to infatuation, to love and back again. Then she'll text me and tell me she loves me more than words can describe. In the beginning of the affair, she told me "he adores me".


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