# I push her away during sleep



## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

My fiance is a bit concerned that whenever she has tried to snuggle up next to me while I am sleeping, I tend to push her away or roll over with my back turned to her.
She commented about it this morning, as she hopes this isn't a sign of things to come.

The thing I tried to reassure her of is that while I am awake, I gladly welcome all of her snuggling and touches. I truly love her and am very attracted to her. We nearly have sex every night.

I don't know exactly why I am doing this in my sleep other than believe I am just trying to get the most sound sleep possible.

Now, sometimes we snuggle on the couch and drift off for a nap. I can honestly say that I love this feeling of holding her close while sleeping, but for some reason when laying flat out on the bed, I feel way more comfortable sprawled out and not have the feeling of being confined.

Maybe deep down I have a confinement issue, as there have been a few instances with my ex where she would wake me up in a rage, having me constrained under the covers while she was straddled over me, beating me profusely.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DH and I do that to each other occasionally. It's a temperature thing for us. Maybe it is for you as well. DH gets hot so easily that if I spoon him too long during the night I'll actually wake up bc he's sweating so badly. 

DH has informed me that on several occasions he tried to wrap his arm around me from behind and I elbow him and shrug him off. 

Some people just aren't into being cuddled and snuggled while they're in a dead sleep.

I think your fiance is over thinking this one.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I push my wife away every night.

I also can barely stand to have a single blanket on me because I get too hot.

She's overthinking things.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I'm one of those that has to find a cool spot on the bed even in the winter. Having someone up against me, makes me warm and can't sleep. 

I think that she's getting her wires crossed on this and you should also let her know that it's not her but we all have different sleeping habits.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

That's how I've always slept. I HATE being touched while I sleep. Wakes me up and then I'm usually up for the rest of the night. That opens up a whole different can of worms usually. Then it's "why aren't you sleeping" or "where did you go" and then I feel badly when the answer is "you threw your arm over me and then I couldn't get back to sleep so I've been reading since 2 am". 

I'm sure if I looked hard enough there'd be some deep seated psychological issue, but I don't see how it matters. I'm certainly not willing to give up months of sleep with exposure therapy to desensitize myself, know what I mean? I just make sure to cuddle more before I fall asleep and when I wake up.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

IndyTMI said:


> My fiance is a bit concerned that whenever she has tried to snuggle up next to me while I am sleeping, I tend to push her away or roll over with my back turned to her.
> She commented about it this morning, as she hopes this isn't a sign of things to come.
> 
> The thing I tried to reassure her of is that while I am awake, I gladly welcome all of her snuggling and touches. I truly love her and am very attracted to her. We nearly have sex every night.
> ...


OUCH! Being beaten in your sleep. That's very scary. I am sorry to hear that

You probably have associated some of that fear with your sleeping. That is not unusual. She will just have to understand that. It isn't because of her, it is something you conditioned too.

Snuggling for me is also difficult. His arm weighs a ton. When it is around me I feel squished! He loves to snuggle so much that I am trying to get better about doing it. It is hard. Especially when you get used to your space. I worked 3rd and he on 2nd. So I am use to space. 

Another dorky thing too, when I snuggle him, I can only do it for so long before he starts to push his back into my nose. So he is accidentally smothering me LOL!


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This would piss me off, since that's what my wife does now. She NEVER wants it and always has a ready excuse why. I don't think you should be pushing her away, cause maybe later in your relationship she'll be pushing you away.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

IndyTMI, would you be able to show her this thread? I mean so she can see the responses from other people and our sleeping habits?

I am super affectionate but when it comes to my sleep I don't want to snuggle or lay close. I need my space. My hubs on the other hand would like me to fall asleep in his arms but I just can't.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I too need my space when I sleep... I can't stand being wrapped up in blankets, and I like to have my feet sticking out of the blankets. 

I completely have confinement issues -- I don't like feeling like I am trapped in any way. I always offer to snuggle a bit when I lay down, but then it is a kiss goodnight, roll over, and leave me alone. 

When I am awake I relish in affection and touch. My son likes me to snuggle in bed with him, and I will do it, but I am really uncomfortable the entire time.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Completely normal OP.

Wife and I both love to hug and fall asleep but neither of us are physically capable of staying that way (cramps, stiff arms etc) and naturally we turn to comfortable position.

For her to be "concerned" about this is equivalent to telling you what you should/shouldn't dream about.

READ: we are NOT in control of our body and mind while we sleep.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Oh and congratulations on being engaged!!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead:

I do it too, in fact I do worse;

As I always end up subconsciously pulling the blanket to my side of the bed, forcing ex to wake up in the middle of the night freezing.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I do it too, in fact I do worse;
> 
> As I always end up subconsciously pulling the blanket to my side of the bed, forcing ex to wake up in the middle of the night freezing.


Yeah, I'm a big blanket/covers puller-over as well, but I jokingly blame it on her kicking/pushing them over on me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Haha! Still remember when ex tried to tuck in her side of the blanket to keep me from pulling it off - didn't work :rofl:


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

IndyTMI said:


> My fiance is a bit concerned that whenever she has tried to snuggle up next to me while I am sleeping, I tend to push her away or roll over with my back turned to her.
> She commented about it this morning, as she hopes this isn't a sign of things to come.
> 
> The thing I tried to reassure her of is that while I am awake, I gladly welcome all of her snuggling and touches. I truly love her and am very attracted to her. We nearly have sex every night.
> ...


Seriously? She's giving you a hard time for things you're doing WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING? Just wait until she starts giving you a hard time for things she dreamed you did (or didn't do) while she was sleeping.

I think she's making a mountain out of a molehill.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

IndyTMI said:


> My fiance is a bit concerned that whenever she has tried to snuggle up next to me while I am sleeping, I tend to push her away or roll over with my back turned to her.
> She commented about it this morning, as she hopes this isn't a sign of things to come.
> 
> The thing I tried to reassure her of is that while I am awake, I gladly welcome all of her snuggling and touches. I truly love her and am very attracted to her. We nearly have sex every night.
> ...


Maybe your overthinking this. Like when a spouse gets jealous of a dream their husband or wife has.

When you sleep your body likes space. It's zero reflection on her, how you feel about her, how much you love her etc.

My wife and I do the same thing. When we get into bed, I spoon her or I lie on my back and she puts her arm, head and leg on me....right up until it's sleep time.

For whatever reason, our comfortable spots are sleeping on our sides with our backs to the middle of the bed. About 5 minutes before we're snoring we both pull from each other and turn over. 

But we've been married for a number of years so we're not in the "analyze every possible situation in our relationship to make sure we love each other fully" stage


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I did - kind of - find a fix for this.

Work out enough that your arm becomes too heavy to comfortably leave on her for any length of time.


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