# Cheaters do not believe their BS could cheat



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In a survey for a scuzzy UK-based marital affair site:



> Nearly half of cheaters surveyed believe their partner is faithful, according to a new study
> 
> 52% believe their partner is not the type to have a fling with someone else


Bloody hypocrites!


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## KingwoodKev (Jan 15, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> In a survey for a scuzzy UK-based marital affair site:
> 
> 
> 
> Bloody hypocrites!


Doesn't the fact that the majority of them think this make them even worse human beings that we had thought?


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## lostmyreligion (Oct 18, 2013)

You made me laugh Matt. 

When I was in hospital a few years back for a couple of weeks, my wife was 'doing her best to hold things together' on the home front and would act slightly put-out and impatient while visiting me, sometimes finding excuses not to entirely. 

About halfway into my stay, she came breezing in to find me sitting up and an old acquaintance of ours from where we had lived previously sitting on the end of my bed holding my hand in both of hers and laughing. This woman was extremely attractive, and had been the SO of one of my closest friends in the old town. She was now single, and while she had not, to the best of my knowledge, cheated on my friend, she was rumoured to possess a certain moral ambiguity.

What my wife had walked in on was *entirely innocent*, but seriously man, I just about pi$$ed the bed choking back the laugh when I saw the shocked look on her face and watched her nearly fall off of her heels.

She recovered before the other woman caught it, and managed to bare her teeth through the rest of the visit. 

But then she systematically went about axing this woman from our lives.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Doesn't shock me at all. Almost every cheater also believes they aren't "really cheating" because ___(huge list of why what they have with their OP is so f'n special and unique as well a list of 'entitlements' they aren't getting at home therefore it's sort of like having actual permission)_ ____. They are good wholesome people caught in extrodinary circumstances right?


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

They also do not believe the BS would divorce their stupid @$$'s either.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

In a previous survey the same site declared that the cheaters arranging affairs through its service would not be able to forgive their spouse if they found THEM cheating, too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

KingwoodKev said:


> Doesn't the fact that the majority of them think this make them even worse human beings that we had thought?


They are certainly piss-poor excuses for a spouse.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> In a survey for a scuzzy UK-based marital affair site:
> 
> 
> 
> Bloody hypocrites!





MattMatt said:


> In a previous survey the same site declared that the cheaters arranging affairs through its service would not be able to forgive their spouse if they found THEM cheating, too!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To the first assertion: 
Maybe they chose the BS partly because they had the qualities that they knew would make them easy to cheat on, if necessary?

To the second:
Maybe they have trouble believing they made mistakes, just like anyone else and don't know how to work on issues, just cheat and/or divorce.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

And well another effect. You don’t marry people you think will cheat on you. So, by default and until proven otherwise, you won’t want to accept a perception that they might. 

It’s that Santa Claus effect where you want to believe in it right up until the point that you can no longer overlook the improbability of it being real. So without evidence, even though it might not be rational, you will believe your spouse would not cheat based entirely on faith rather than statistics or facts. The cheater recognizes that they would, but it seems like a good half still have faith in their spouse. Might not be reality, but it does make you a bit warm and fuzzy thinking it.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

This just means that the 52% who don't believe their BS would cheat simply do not deserve their BS and deserve to be with other cheaters. I'd say 100% of cheaters for that actually, but hey, I gotta be a little bit flexible....or so I've been told.



> In a previous survey the same site declared that the cheaters arranging affairs through its service would not be able to forgive their spouse if they found THEM cheating, too!


Ya, there was one woman here, can't remember her name, that said the same thing. She cheated, but doesn't think she can then forgive her husband's revenge cheating.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

my WW had this same mind set, until she was caught now she worries. I still have no attention of doing so, I would D first


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

The mind of a WS is truly in a 

*GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY*
*IN THE BEGINING THEY HAD A MIND*
*UNTILL A DARK FORCE CROSSED THE WAY*
*MEANWHILE ON A SMALL PLANET, EARTH*


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> In a survey for a scuzzy UK-based marital affair site:
> 
> 
> 
> Bloody hypocrites!


i.e. cakeeaters, i.e. betraying POS

As you said, Matt, hypocrites


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> In a previous survey the same site declared that the cheaters arranging affairs through its service would not be able to forgive their spouse if they found THEM cheating, too!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


again hypocritical POS they are


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

My exWW was such "I hate cheaters and men who cheat are scum". That didn't stop her from having a friendship with a cheating married female co-worker and becoming a cheater herself.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

My WW is just the opposite, the other 48%. 

She had convinced herself that I had cheated on her in the past so that her affairs were just evening the score. I was in the Air Force for almost all of our marriage and was deployed a fair amount of the time and for some reason she was sure I cheated during my UK deployments.

I guess she thought it was WW 2 still and all the English women were just looking for an American G.I. to hook up with. The fact was she had just ended a two year PA and just before I left was just projecting her guilt on me. She wanted to believe I would and could cheat, it helped her rationalize her own affairs.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

My exWW was such "I hate cheaters and men who cheat are scum". That didn't stop her from having a friendship with a cheating married female co-worker and becoming a cheater herself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dogbert said:


> My exWW was such "I hate cheaters and men who cheat are scum". That didn't stop her from having a friendship with a cheating married female co-worker and becoming a cheater herself.


She hated them because she feared she could do exactly that.

And guess what? She was right.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

Don't want your spouse to cheat - then don't be a cheater yourself!!

My WS has this same mindset, ok for him but his wife or gf better not.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

To be fair, I don't think anyone really thinks their partner will cheat on them. Nobody certainly gets married with that in mind. It's always a WTF moment when it happens.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

A lot of cheaters never thought they themselves would ever cheat, until they did. How many people start off with, "I never thought I would ever cheat, but..."


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Also, alternatively, many cheaters project their cheating onto their partners... we see it on the board all the time where a cheater is now questioning every single thing their partner does.

This survey was just one small sample set of people in the great big world.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

I now look at haters as more inclined to become that which they hate.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

I am one of the rare ones that says cheating is a possibility when I enter any relationship. I just live with it, and if it happens then I will deal with it. I don't place anyone on a pedestal, nor do I neglect them. I really do not have romantic idealism, or have faith in people. People will let me down, just like I will probably let others down as well. Whatever I did to weaken the relationship, hopefully I can recognize and learn from, and move on with or without that person. My first priority will always be me. Nor do I believe in soul mates, or true love, that is just the hormones talking. Being aware of it helps though.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I like your avatar, Dogbert. It's giving me MacBeth vibes.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mr.Fisty said:


> I am one of the rare ones
> 
> I really do not have romantic idealism, or have faith in people. People will let me down, just like I will probably let others down as well.
> 
> Nor do I believe in soul mates


Me, too, Mr. Fisty. Me, too.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

My H was absolutely shocked that I would even talk to another man. He just couldn't believe I would do something like that, Because he stopped seeing the OW "AFTER" I caught them. Go figure..


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

As you said in your first post, Matt. A "scuzzy" site. Most of these types of sites only do this for the sensational value. UK sites are like UK morning papers, about the same as the Globe and the Enquirer in the US. False claims with no backing.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Jellybeans said:


> I like your avatar, Dogbert. It's giving me MacBeth vibes.


Must be the tail.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I keep waiting for Catbert to show up and fire all of us.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> I keep waiting for Catbert to show up and fire all of us.


D can fire C's a$$ anytime.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

I don't think this is about becoming the ones you hate.

I think this about how your spouse/SO sees you.

I don't know menfolk but the moment your wife/gf thinks that a woman other than herself will never find you attractive, that's it. You're done for.

Apologize ladies, but from what I've seen and heard in my life of 32 years, that became a topic not open for discussion anymore.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Dogbert said:


> My exWW was such "I hate cheaters and men who cheat are scum". That didn't stop her from having a friendship with a cheating married female co-worker and becoming a cheater herself.


*But Dogbert! She was totally justified in saying that ~ after all, it wasn't a man that she was off cheating with!*


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Hey, lostmyreligion. I'm not familiar with your story, but had you discovered that your wife had cheated, making her reaction to the lady sitting on the bed beside you somewhat laughable?


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Yeah, my H had a complete meltdown when I had an EA. This, from a man who had at least five affairs over a decade with women he met on a cheating website. Yuck. Of course, my offense seemed so much worse to him because it involved "feelings." Also, he was spying on me with keyloggers for almost two years so he was able to read all the emails. I didn't have that advantage because I stupidly believed that he would never cheat, in fact, even though I knew we were having problems, it never, ever occurred to me that he would cheat. 

My EA was very long distance, so no real chance that we would ever meet up in person. Looking back on it, I think it was an exit affair. Still together with the H in the same house, but we are living separately in all other ways. My biggest regret is that my EA muddied the waters so that I could no longer take the high road as a wronged spouse.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *But Dogbert! She was totally justified in saying that ~ after all, it wasn't a man that she was off cheating with!*


Yes it was. The POSOM was one of her married, cheating female co-worker's lovers. My [email protected]$$ XWW actually believed she was "spicing up" our sex life by being taught a "hand on" approach to overcome her sexual "shyness" with me. So in her fvcked up mind, she did not cheat on me. She was still the same poster child of wifely faithfulness. Lord, give me strength!

On a satisfying note. I did contact her fellow skank's husband and told him about his wife's extra marital sexual hijinks. Last I knew, he had filed for divorce. Ah, so nice!


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

My cheating husband has told friends he could just not bear the thoughts of me ever being with another man. Even if we D, it would just kill him. It would just be too much for him. 
(( after his 1.5 yr affair))

~sammy


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

blahfridge said:


> Yeah, my H had a complete meltdown when I had an EA. This, from a man who had at least five affairs over a decade with women he met on a cheating website. Yuck. Of course, my offense seemed so much worse to him because it involved "feelings." Also, he was spying on me with keyloggers for almost two years so he was able to read all the emails. I didn't have that advantage because I stupidly believed that he would never cheat, in fact, even though I knew we were having problems, it never, ever occurred to me that he would cheat.
> 
> My EA was very long distance, so no real chance that we would ever meet up in person. Looking back on it, I think it was an exit affair. Still together with the H in the same house, but we are living separately in all other ways. My biggest regret is that my EA muddied the waters so that I could no longer take the high road as a wronged spouse.



Wow, he neglected your relationship, cheated on you, and yet he expects loyalty. I am more surprised that he did not see it coming. If you neglect someone, do they really deserve your loyalty. That is like asking a dog not to bite you when you do not feed it and take care of it.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

sammy3 said:


> *My cheating husband has told friends he could just not bear the thoughts of me ever being with another man. Even if we D,* it would just kill him. It would just be too much for him.
> (( after his 1.5 yr affair))
> 
> ~sammy


Sorry, Sammy. Sometimes we men just don't have a clue.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Dogbert said:


> Yes it was. The POSOM was one of her married, cheating female co-worker's lovers. My [email protected]$$ XWW actually believed she was "spicing up" our sex life by being taught a "hand on" approach to overcome her sexual "shyness" with me. So in her fvcked up mind, she did not cheat on me. She was still the same poster child of wifely faithfulness. Lord, give me strength!
> 
> On a satisfying note. I did contact her fellow skank's husband and told him about his wife's extra marital sexual hijinks. Last I knew, he had filed for divorce. Ah, so nice!


Dogbert, your descriptions of your ex in this and other threads are absolutely fascinating! I'd love to meet this lady just so I could see what she looks like and listen to her story. Probably beautiful, but a little emptyheaded.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

thummper said:


> Dogbert, your descriptions of your ex in this and other threads are absolutely fascinating! I'd love to meet this lady just so I could see what she looks like and listen to her story. Probably beautiful, but a little emptyheaded.


:wtf:


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Wow, he neglected your relationship, cheated on you, and yet he expects loyalty. I am more surprised that he did not see it coming. If you neglect someone, do they really deserve your loyalty. That is like asking a dog not to bite you when you do not feed it and take care of it.


Yes, exactly. But that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty about my EA. I should have been less of a doormat and either insisted on counseling or left him after I found out about the one affair several years ago. But I couldn't handle it and wanted to protect the kids. I've also learned that I have serious co dependency issues. 

I guess what I learned is that it's never good to sweep things under the rug. If you truly deal as a couple with infidelity the first time around, then I think the chances that the BS will cheat in turn are much less. 

But many cheaters, my H included, don't ever really take responsibility for what they've done. My H initially said it was because I wasn't having sex with him enough. He claimed it never would have happened, but for that. He actually cheated on me the first time when I was pregnant with our son. Gee, I didn't feel much like having sex while I was throwing up with morning sickness. 

I've been reading up a lot and seeing a therapist and I now see that my H is basically a "nice guy" narcissist. Shy and quiet, everyone thinks he's such a nice guy. There's a lot of those types who cheat. The kind where everyone says, I never would have expected it of him. 

Then when you turn the tables on them, they are shocked beyond belief. I still come back to the fact that it does no good to cheat on a cheater. Only makes you feel like you've stooped to their level.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

Interesting...I agree...But, he used me by gaslighting etc, to go see the OWs - to cry on their shoulder about the bad marriage & spouse he just picked a fight with to get out of the house to "go play" - with them. They helped him to "emotionally" stabilize, especially by having sex with him to ease his pain from being in a bad marriage....BUT here's the punch line: "BUT, I love my wife...". I suppose that line kept the OWs hooked into the pick-me-one day syndrome, the "I want to be loved unconditionally the same way you still love her, even after sleeping with me". OMG. This gets more and more ridiculous. He told OWs that I kept accusing him of having an affair and they brilliantly concluded and stated that that meant I was the one having an affair.... the justification for their sex therapy sessions. 

He was shocked when a wealthy, handsome, dignified past schoolmate did actually flirt with me after the first divorce. His having had a 6 year secret affair didn't factor when he found out, he was mad as hell, and suddenly I had some value. He was just flabbergasted that someone of the opposite sex actually had the audacity to find me attractive.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Calibre1212 said:


> Interesting...I agree...But, he used me by gaslighting etc, to go see the OWs - to cry on their shoulder about the bad marriage & spouse he just picked a fight with to get out of the house to "go play" - with them. They helped him to "emotionally" stabilize, especially by having sex with him to ease his pain from being in a bad marriage....BUT here's the punch line: "BUT, I love my wife...". I suppose that line kept the OWs hooked into the pick-me-one day syndrome, the "I want to be loved unconditionally the same way you still love her, even after sleeping with me". OMG. This gets more and more ridiculous. He told OWs that I kept accusing him of having an affair and they brilliantly concluded and stated that that meant I was the one having an affair.... the justification for their sex therapy sessions.
> 
> He was shocked when a wealthy, handsome, dignified past schoolmate did actually flirt with me after the first divorce. His having had a 6 year secret affair didn't factor when he found out, he was mad as hell, and suddenly I had some value. He was just flabbergasted that someone of the opposite sex actually had the audacity to find me attractive.



Damn, I forgot what it is called. Lets say you throw away something, and someone else comes along and values it, then you want it back. This is going to bother me now. Anyways, since someone else wants it now, the owner wants it back just so the other person cannot have it. Even though they neglected it and tossed it away, they still view it as theirs.

Same goes to other things as well. I remember a thread where the husband abandons the family, goes out and drops his responsiblities, and when he heard that his wife found a new guy in her life, all of the sudden he is outrage. Even though he is the one who left the family.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

I suppose both he and the OW(an/en), were unpleasantly surprised that I could have done a lot better than him. From that event alone, I may have accidentally set a standard for the OW (who was so privy to all the details of my life), Lol!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Calibre1212 said:


> I suppose both he and the OW(an/en), were unpleasantly surprised that I could have done a lot better than him. From that event alone, I may have accidentally set a standard for the OW (who was so privy to all the details of my life), Lol!



He is a narcissist. He believes that you should put up with his crap because he is that great of a guy. To him, you should feel lucky to have a guy like him, and when you could do better, you threaten his pride and ego. All he cares about is his control over you, his public image, and the way he sees himself.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Calibre1212 said:


> I suppose both he and the OW(an/en), were unpleasantly surprised that I could have done a lot better than him. From that event alone, I may have accidentally set a standard for the OW *(who was so privy to all the details of my life)*, Lol!


Does anyone know what this part is about? Maybe someone can point me to a site that explains? Thanks in advance.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

sammy3 said:


> My cheating husband has told friends he could just not bear the thoughts of me ever being with another man. Even if we D, it would just kill him. It would just be too much for him.
> (( after his 1.5 yr affair))
> 
> ~sammy


Good, I hope the thought of it eats him up inside. And if you ever do divorce, you will know that being with another man is killing him.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> Does anyone know what this part is about? Maybe someone can point me to a site that explains? Thanks in advance.


They were banging for at least 6 years...I think she knew more than just my name.


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