# 2 Separations...first 5 months, now 9 months and counting



## fhsmrgolf (Jul 22, 2012)

Hi everyone,

I have been visiting this site since april 2011. I had never registered and viewed to get a idea of what anyone may be going through similar to mine.

well i feel its time to tell my story.....

I met might wife in 2009, she became pregnant in july 2009 and we were married in sep of 2010. During the first year and a half of our relationship things werent always easy. She moved in with me as I was successful in my job and had a stable life. own home, cars, etc. During that first 18 months she would leave during any arguments and run to her mothers. sometimes a day, 2 days, no longer than a week.

in April 2010 she moved out for a month, came back and we were married in sep. About 2 months into our marriage she decided she was going to go out more than usual. She was heading out 2-3 nights a week from 7pm-3am. If she was cheating i will never know. we had a young child, I would work from 6-6, and she was stay at home mom. But after about 2 months of this, i grew tired and angry. So i closed up and found my own hobbies and lived a life within our marriage. This all went on until feb 2011. one night she wanted to leave again to go out and i tried stopping her. She got mad, punched me a few times, slapped me with a purse and cut my eye open. By this time i had enough. so i called the police. long story short they took me away and set up a no contact order. I was able to live with my grandparents, which were my neighbors. Yes for 2 weeks i had to live 50 feet away from my own home and my family. Well she lifted the no contact and i moved home. In april 2011 she decided she was going to leave. We had severe trust issues. I had turned to sports betting since my wife had more interest in going out then in me. So i found something i enjoyed.

so that separation went on until sep 2011. During that time she had met another man. I was 27 and she was 25. she dated him, i was angry, cried, mad, depressed, all the above. So about 45 days into the separation i decided to fix and focus on myself. (this was the advice i read on here, thanks everyone). I worked out, started new activities, and i met someone new. we started a friendly relationship which was good. I left in august for about 10 days on vacation back to my home state of michigan from florida and took our son with me. During this vacation I got the phone call. "do you think we could have dinner when you come back?" well this was the start of her saying i see differences, i want to work on it, and her father telling her that i had met someone new, because he could just tell.

So in sept 2011 we reconciled and moved into a new place. It was 30 days exact and she was out the door again. this time it was worse than before. I didnt know what to do. I had changed so many things but she didnt want to be married.

Well fast forward its now almost august 2012 and still separated. She has said numerous times she wants a divorce and she is filing next week. She said this during the first separation also but has never done anything. She still wears her ring but on her thumb. when she left this time i took mine off and shoved it in the freezer. freezing my heart i guess. She has dated a few different guys. Even tried to move someone in with her after a phone/fb relationship from jan-april of 2012, but when he came to florida she realized he was a slob i guess. thats what she said. After this she started hanging around me again, coming by, wanting to spend time with me, her and our son together (just out of the blue). So in May i decided i had waited around long enough, and i decided to change careers and move out of state back to michigan again to be around family and my daughter from a previous relationship 6 years ago. I told her i was leaving the first part of june and would leave the last day of june. It was about june 12th she changed back to her old ways. Always coming over yelling about something, upset, short, agitated, and then she started to date someone else new again. 

So now it is middle of july and I have been moved out of state for about 3 weeks. I have our son with me but will be taking him back down in a month. 

During the whole thing she has been saying she wants the divorce, is getting the papers done next week, blah blah blah, i dont love you like i used to. I still have love but im not attracted to you. etc. 

So my question is to everyone outside of my box and my head, what do you think is going on? Is she detached but not enough to fully let go? any relationship she tries to have fails, and someone she reconnects with me, but nothing intimately. 

Am i just the security blanket she doesnt want to throw away? 

I come from pro marriage beliefs and background, so me filing for divorce is out of the question. 

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. good, bad, or in different.

Thanks,


M


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

M, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you have rushed into this marriage way too fast. If the first 12-18 months is the honeymoon period in a relationship, then I'm not sure how to say it, but there were dozens of red flags from the get go. It sounds to me like she is a co-dependent type of girl. Doesn't want to be alone. I think you'll be better off alone. The one sad thing is though that you will be away from your boy. He'll need his dad. I hope you will stay in his life via skype, phone, visits as much as you can. Good luck. I'm sorry you're in this situation.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

You are Plan B


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

And you are with someone who is unhealthy enough to "keep a plan B".

Plan A's may be full of chaos and dysfunction, but boy are they exciting!


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## fhsmrgolf (Jul 22, 2012)

Yes i agree with you that I am probably the plan B.


MATT1720 - I am not sure what you mean I am with someone who is unhealthy enough to have a "plan B"

Thanks for your comments guys.


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

Only that the type of people that would have a plan B, do so out of fear of being alone. 

In general, they can't break things off cleanly and completely (the "right" thing to do) before starting a relationship with someone else.

They are hedging their bets, or cake eating, at the expense of someone else (you in this case). My situation was no different.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya you are her security blanked.

BTW, don't you think her adultory and sleeping around kind of over rides your view of divorce?

I mean why not get a divorce so you can move on and find a women that will respect you...what if you fall in love with a real women,years down the road?

I suggest you clean this mess up and move on with your life. waiting for her is nuts. God only knows what she's picked up with all the other guys.

She runs away from conflict at every turn, do think she will change? What will she be like in her 40's? Do you see this women taking care of you in your old age?


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