# Boyfriend is against use of toys and masturbation



## Cloudsinmyc0ffee (Jun 5, 2016)

I'm in a long-distance relationship with a friend of 15 years; we've both been in other relationships off and on during that time but have always kept in touch. He wants us to finally get married and be living under the same roof. I do truly believe he loves me, and I've never loved anyone--even my ex-husband of 25 years--the way I love this man. However, I don't see how it can work out. By the way, I am 68; he is 57.

We both have very high sex drives, so sex would be an important part of the relationship. Orgasming for me has always been a bit complicated. I have never been able to come from oral sex. I used to be able to come from vaginal stimulation only, but those orgasms were always weaker and left me "hanging" so to speak; however, emotionally they are very fulfilling. I'd gladly have vaginal intercourse every day, but once a week or so I'd like to have what I call a blended orgasm. For those I need clitoral stimulation and vaginal stimulation (or at least something inside of me) at the same time. The clitoral orgasm for me is like lighting a fuse that helps trigger the vaginal orgasm too. From that point I can continue to have multiple vaginal orgasms a number of times without continuing clitoral stimulation. 

In the past, the clitoral orgasms could be triggered by me or a partner using my or their fingers. However, ever since I had to be on antihormone medication for breast cancer following a mastectomy, fingers (including using my own fingers) just doesn't work. Only using a vibrator on my clit will work. It is really depressing at times; it hasn't been easy to accept all of the changes in my body (loss of a breast, less lubrication, etc.) as a result of the cancer/treatment for it as it is, but I have had a couple of partners who have accepted me the way I am so that I have been able to feel sexy or desirable with them.

I have been divorced since 1991, and having a high sex drive, rather than pull someone in off the street, I have met my own needs through masturbation. And, as I've said, for me these days, that means using a vibrator and a dildo. However, my friend is totally against masturbation and feels that if I masturbate, and especially if I use toys (vibrator and/or dildo), he feels like he is being cheated on. He has gone so far as to say that he finds it hypocritical that I am asking him to be monogamous if we get married but I would not get rid of all of my toys and also give up masturbation. 

I also want to clarify that in all of my past relationships, my sex drive has always been higher than my partners'; I'm usually the one asking to make love. Back in 2001 when I would see my friend (we never had a chance to spend much time together), I always made sure that he came three times--by fellatio, vaginal intercourse, and anal intercourse (which is his favorite way to come). I want to be able to have my own sex drive met, as I said, once weekly anyway, by having blended orgasms, preferably with the help of my partner (such as having him inside of me while I use a vibrator on my clit) or through masturbation. With regard to masturbation, I'd gladly let him watch if he wanted to be a part of it that way. What I don't want is to feel ashamed that I need help from a vibrator to come clitorally, to feel that I am sexually undesirable because of having a reconstructed breast postmastectomy, or feel guilty because I may at times still want to masturbate (especially if my sexual needs aren't being met by my partner). We have not been intimate since 2004; I had the mastectomy in 2012.

I don't know how to resolve this. It's humiliating to try to explain that I need the vibrator (and more lube, etc.) due to changes my body underwent since having to take the medication for cancer. And I'd hoped during lovemaking that my partner would feel turned on, not repulsed by having to incorporate toys in the mix every now and then. Is this a lost cause?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Cloudsinmyc0ffee said:


> I don't know how to resolve this. It's humiliating to try to explain that I need the vibrator (and more lube, etc.) due to changes my body underwent since having to take the medication for cancer. And I'd hoped during lovemaking that my partner would feel turned on, not repulsed by having to incorporate toys in the mix every now and then. Is this a lost cause?


It may be possible for him to change his viewpoint, BUT if at this age he has very negative views regarding masturbation you will NOT be able to change that. If who he is prevents you from accepting each other as you are, it will create a tremendous amount of angst. 

Awkwardly angst can fuel a great sexual relationship because each of you will desire to resolve this conflict, which means there can actually be a great deal of desire created in the relationship from this issue. The million dollar question is if you can respect each other enough to manage this conflict in such a way that it brings the two of you closer. 

You could occasionally engage in a little tease and denial, and perhaps spur his sexuality by occasionally dominating/humiliating sexuality with toys. This could potentially be highly erotic for both of you. But are you each mature enough to engage in that conflict long term and manage it?

Regards,
Badsanta


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

A couple of things -

You can still masturbate. Just don't get caught. It's none of his damn business, any way. It sounds as though you already are, seeing as though you're long distance currently.

Second, it sounds as though you are a sexual mismatch, and that's before even living under the same roof. So if/when you move in together, he might get rid of whatever toys you have, which will leave you high and dry on your own, not just when you're with him sexually.

Third, at 57, he should grow the F up. Masturbation is cheating? Okey-doke. Then 99% of the human population are serial cheaters.

Last, it sounds as though sex is extremely important to you (which is pretty rockin' at 68!) His views seem slightly less so, so it's highly likely you will end up being unhappy in this dept. He should be embracing your sexuality, not the opposite.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I don't know how to resolve this. It's humiliating to try to explain that I need the vibrator (and more lube, etc.) due to changes my body underwent since having to take the medication for cancer. And I'd hoped during lovemaking that my partner would feel turned on, not repulsed by having to incorporate toys in the mix every now and then. Is this a lost cause?


It shouldn't feel humiliating to explain your sexual needs now based on the changes your medical issues have caused. It should feel as though your partner is seeking to understand your needs and limitations, just as with any other medical condition. If he had erectile dysfunction and had to use Viagra, he should be able to explain that to you without feeling humiliated, right? 

He considers masturbation to be cheating; there's no way to live with a person like that if you masturbate. He may always be suspicious and, god forbid, could start spying by making careful note of when you take naps or planting hidden cameras to catch you masturbating like some guys who have posted here. At a minimum, this will be a continual problem and the source of many (jealousy-fueled) arguments if you cannot agree to disagree.

He has a problem with the things you need in order to have a fulfilling sex life. Honestly, you are not sexually compatible under the circumstances. Nor are you intellectually compatible since your views on toys and masturbation are so different. A person who thinks toys are fun and/or medically necessary at this point is never going to see eye to eye with someone who believes toys and masturbation are like cheating.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

I think that you *should *tell him about the changes your body has gone through since your illness- and I do wish you would lose the "humiliation" part. You survived and are thriving! After the conversation, if he still has the absolutely selfish and idiotic beliefs he holds now, run like the chill autumn wind.

It's appalling that he would rather see your sexual pleasure sidelined (especially in light of how absolutely GGG you've been) in order to preserve his fragile ego.

It's not worth it, clouds. You deserve a man who will embrace your sexuality, not stifle it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I'm guessing that he doesn't have any qualms about his own masturbation.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

My husband is against masturbation too - his or mine. But only solo masturbation. Makes him feel like he isn't "doing his job". Have you made it clear that these things will be for the two of you to use to get you where you need to be?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Forgive my ignorance, but when did we give the the ownership of our bodies and sexual self satisfaction to our spouses/boyfriends, I would kindly remind them of that or they can spend the rest of their life by themselves. Let me ask you this do you rest your happiness in the hand of a boyfriend or spouse.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Bluesclues said:


> My husband is against masturbation too - his or mine. But only solo masturbation. Makes him feel like he isn't "doing his job". Have you made it clear that these things will be for the two of you to use to get you where you need to be?


Good point. It's not actually "masturbation" if you're both there, is it? 

OP: I would ask him how using these toys is cheating if the two of you are there. My suspicion is his issue with masturbation is that he doesn't think one spouse should be orgasming without the other. If that's not it, I'd want him to explain - how is incorporating tools into sex play cheating?

If you have known him this long and can't talk with him about this, that is actually more concerning to me for your relationship than the actual sex. (But sex is probably not as important to me as it sounds like it is to you.) I digress -- you might consider writing him a heart-felt letter about the changes your body has gone through, how the medicine you're on affects you, and how an orgasm is not physically possible for you right now without the intense stimulation of a vibrator. 

If he can't understand that "he" is not the problem, it's a technical difficulty it might be a big mistake to marry him, though if you really love him like you've never loved another you want to grab that happiness while you can. Of course some of the allure between you two may be the fantasy of each other which is kept alive by the distance between you.)


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
IMHO, its your body, you can do what you like with it. 

I don't see masturbation, toys or porn as a problem as long as they are not being used as a substitute for intimacy with your partner (which they are not in your case).

That said, he is entitled to his opinions of what is OK in a relationship. If your opinions are too different from his, you will not be able to be happy together.

For the record I'm very happy to have my wife use toys (have bought her many). We also use them during sex to add variety.


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## PersonInSpace (May 19, 2016)

It's funny I made a post about me being jealous of my wife's masturbation that you might find interesting. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/336465-jealous-wifes-masturbation.html

Your situation is different though. The expectations being placed on you are unrealistic and poorly timed. It wouldn't matter if this was masturbation, cigarette smoking, certain music listened to or language used. He is trying effect an unfair control on you for the sake of doing it and it won't stop there. I'm not saying he's not a good person, but control like that is addictive. He won't stop there and may not be satisfied even if you comply. You'll be constantly having to prove you've complied and it can create an environment of paranoia. From my post you can see I have an issue with my wife masturbating, but I don't want her to stop. I don't want to create an environment in my home that revolves around my fragile feelings. I just want to be more involved in what makes her tick and what gets her to that point. I want to know I'm doing everything I can before if comes to that. Your circumstances have been based on distance and life experiences.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

PersonInSpace said:


> Your situation is different though. The expectations being placed on you are unrealistic and poorly timed. It wouldn't matter if this was masturbation, cigarette smoking, certain music listened to or language used. He is trying effect an unfair control on you for the sake of doing it and it won't stop there. I'm not saying he's not a good person, but control like that is addictive. He won't stop there and may not be satisfied even if you comply. You'll be constantly having to prove you've complied and it can create an environment of paranoia. From my post you can see I have an issue with my wife masturbating, but I don't want her to stop. I don't want to create an environment in my home that revolves around my fragile feelings. I just want to be more involved in what makes her tick and what gets her to that point. I want to know I'm doing everything I can before if comes to that. Your circumstances have been based on distance and life experiences.


Excellent points, and I agree with the control thing.

I think this is simply a case of a man trying to impress upon "his girl" that he's all she needs. The major problem with this scenario, in particular, is that OP truly does need more - and it has nothing to do with the guy. And for that reason alone, he's not good relationship/marriage material, IMO.

The guy's trying to make this about his ego, whereas in reality, what she requires during sex would actually go a long way to boosting his ego. His preference, ironically enough, would lead to her not being satisfied sexually, which does not exactly sound like a "win" for him, never mind her. It's a real case of cutting off one's nose to spite their face.

Masturbation is such a funny thing in a relationship. Those who have spouses who don't do it, often wish they did. And the opposite is true. Or you get that kind of hybrid viewpoint on it, where you like the fact your spouse does, but you want to be somehow included in it, as well.

The issue, whether we see it or not, is often that it comes down to control of a partners sexuality. We subconsciously think that we should have some sort of say in ALL matters of it. The problem being that we lump masturbation into it all. That ones ability or desire to achieve orgasm should somehow include us. And for many, that one is able to achieve orgasm by watching or fantasizing or reading about something/someone that is not us.

My wife is a general non-masturbator. She went through a period several years ago, after attending a sex toy party and buying her first toys, where it was new and exciting, and she was a heavy masturbator for a few months. While I was very excited about this, I also had to curb the jealousy a bit. I wasn't being replaced, as sex was still happening just as often as it normally was, but all the same - I wasn't being included in her sexuality for the first time. Now that her solo masturbation has effectively stopped, I find myself wishing she went back to that period.

The reason why is simple - PersonInSpace's wife and mine are similar, in that they don't initiate sex, and sex isn't overly frequent. It happens, it's good, but it's 99.9% me. So when my wife was going through this exploratory masturbation phase, it was clear that she had a drive to do so. She wanted an orgasm, she got one. When it comes to sex between us, she didn't (and still doesn't) do this. So there's a disconnect in these cases. PersonInSpace's wife doesn't initiate sex with him, I assume even when she's in the mood. It's up to him to initiate sex. However he's discovered that, if she's horny, she'll wait til he's out of the house, then masturbate. My wife did the same thing. It's hard to not take THAT personally.

For us men, we're highly visual, so our female partners can feel threatened by, for example, what one watches while masturbating. On the other side, we men likely feel we can't compete with a vibrator (we can't!) or we're threatened if a sex toy used by our partner is bigger than us. We all want to be the epitome of what turns our partner on, but often we're not, or at least not at all times. Hence ones desire to be -included- in our spouses masturbation.

When our partners masturbate without us, as in the case of PersonInSpace, and they also keep it private, don't talk about it, etc. it's disconcerting. In a way, it does feel like cheating. It's not, of course, but it's something sexual that our partner is engaging in without us, and is sometimes going to great lengths to keep extremely private. For some of us, we want to be a part of it in some way, even if it's solely talked about. For PersonInSpace, who has no real issue with his wife masturbating, per se, if she were to include him in it occasionally, or otherwise show that she's comfortable with her masturbation, he'd be just fine, IMO. If it wasn't such a clandestine operation, it wouldn't be a big deal.

My wife knows I masturbate, and it's a non-issue because I don't sneak around to do it, nor do I make it all hush-hush. I don't get excited when she says she's going out, or going to bed, or that sort of thing. PersonInSpace's wife seems to do this, as he suspected. I think my wife's ex (LTR) did this, as I recall her saying he'd disappear down to the basement where the computer was every time she went to bed, often for hours. He wasn't a gamer..


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## PersonInSpace (May 19, 2016)

Thanks again Alex for sharing your thoughts on my situation. It's great to know someone else gets it because I can't exactly call up my buddies to meet at the bar for beers and vent about my wife's masturbation habits. 



alexm said:


> PersonInSpace's wife doesn't initiate sex with him, I assume even when she's in the mood. It's up to him to initiate sex. However he's discovered that, if she's horny, she'll wait til he's out of the house, then masturbate. My wife did the same thing. It's hard to not take THAT personally.
> 
> 
> When our partners masturbate without us, as in the case of PersonInSpace, and they also keep it private, don't talk about it, etc. it's disconcerting. In a way, it does feel like cheating. It's not, of course, but it's something sexual that our partner is engaging in without us, and is sometimes going to great lengths to keep extremely private. For some of us, we want to be a part of it in some way, even if it's solely talked about. For PersonInSpace, who has no real issue with his wife masturbating, per se, if she were to include him in it occasionally, or otherwise show that she's comfortable with her masturbation, he'd be just fine, IMO. If it wasn't such a clandestine operation, it wouldn't be a big deal.


Yes and I am totally taking that personally. Especially since I put the pieces together. She was practically pushing me out the door to go hang out with friends, even though she admitted she's stressed out from the work and kids. I noticed if a week went by and I didn't meet the guys for beers at least once she would get irritated. Every time I do come home from being out I noticed the front door is always locked. She NEVER locks the doors otherwise until it's absolute bed time(usually midnight or later) and this was always earlier than that. Then on those days I would discover porn on her phone. The pieces were easy to put together. The hurtful part is how elaborate her scheme was and how much effort she put in, and on the flip side how little(none) effort she puts into initiating sex with me. Then on top of that the next day she treats me like she did me some huge favor taking care of the kids while I was out having a good time. "You always get to go out and I never do" guilt trip. Now that I know the whole truth it's very twisted and hurtful but I'm dealing with it. 

What I'm also realizing too is this is a part of a bigger personality trait of my wife's. She's a very guarded person who in some ways is just too proud to show her feelings. I'm now connecting the dots and seeing this pattern throughout how she handles many aspects of her life. She just doesn't wear stuff on her sleeve, to a fault. I think she could benefit from some counseling. Especially if she knew how it was affecting me. That of course if she isn't too proud to go.


And BTW, this line was pure gold:


alexm said:


> He wasn't a gamer..


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Find a new boyfriend.


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## mitchell (May 19, 2014)

marduk said:


> Find a new boyfriend.


Agreed. He sounds like an incredibly selfish lover.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Anyone who makes you feel humiliated and shamed about your sexual needs is not someone you could be happy with, monogamously. 

Keep him as a friend but find a new lover.


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## Cloudsinmyc0ffee (Jun 5, 2016)

Thank you all so very much for your input. Even though it's heartbreaking to think about telling him it just would not work out, I know it's not fair to him to make him agree to something he is against, and it's not fair to me to not be able to get the maximum pleasure I am capable of. I would love to be able to share those orgasms with him rather than masturbating by myself and I don't want to have to give them up completely. I value your opinions that you think he's not going to change, and that gives me courage to face the truth about this situation. He said in a text recently when he asked me if I'd give up using toys/masturbating and I'd said no: "It's not that I don't respect you for who you are, but I guess in my mind you ask me if I can do with one woman and then in the same breath say to me 'I want my toys'. Even though I have you, that's supposed to make me feel better as your partner? No matter how you explain it, in my mind it will always amount to sharing my bed and my woman even though it is an object." It was after that that I decided to look for a forum where I could get others' opinions to see if I'm asking too much. I have a male friend who is 69; he told me recently that he used to get hard spontaneously without being touched but now requires some foreplay. He felt really bad about that. I felt really bad that HE felt bad about it when it is or should be so unnecessary if you have an understanding partner. I told him at his age he is very fortunate that he can get hard at all, and think of how much fun it will be for his wife to get him in that state. I think we have to be realistic with respect to changes in our bodies as we get older or, in my case, not just older but also left with negative consequences of taking the medication I had to take to increase my chances of long-term survival. Heck, I still have a lot of passion, still can have dynamite orgasms, and still want to be intimate frequently with a loving partner. I want all of it if that's possible. By the way, he doesn't masturbate. I would prefer that he did, because with a high sex drive, I know the only alternative is to go out and find someone who will meet those needs for you then. Another ironic thing is that, yes, I need the vibrator on my clit, but if I don't have something in my vagina at the same time, I'm not going to be able to come clitorally anyway. So, I'd love for him to have his penis inside of me or his fingers; I can't come without that help (except, of course, if it were a dildo inside of me), so he would definitely be needed to get me over the edge. That way he could really feel the strong vaginal pulsations when I come too, and we could continue with intercourse from there.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well there you go, he doesn't masturbate. That's what's wrong right there. He has lumped a whole lotta baggage on masturbating and that is just sad sad sad.

I do hope you find your ideal lover. You should not worry one little bit about needing extra stimulation to get there. There have been plenty of women here at TAM, with no history of cancer, not near menopause, no remarkable issues who always need a vibrator. Lots of women who enjoy their vibrators and wouldn't give them up. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. There is probably something wrong with your friend. 

I just don't trust people who don't masturbate. It's not healthy to keep all your sexual energy bottled up. Makes me wonder when they're going to explode and start a rampage or something.


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## Cloudsinmyc0ffee (Jun 5, 2016)

Anon Pink said:


> Well there you go, he doesn't masturbate. That's what's wrong right there. He has lumped a whole lotta baggage on masturbating and that is just sad sad sad.
> 
> I do hope you find your ideal lover. You should not worry one little bit about needing extra stimulation to get there. There have been plenty of women here at TAM, with no history of cancer, not near menopause, no remarkable issues who always need a vibrator. Lots of women who enjoy their vibrators and wouldn't give them up. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. There is probably something wrong with your friend.
> 
> I just don't trust people who don't masturbate. It's not healthy to keep all your sexual energy bottled up. Makes me wonder when they're going to explode and start a rampage or something.


Thanks so much, Anon Pink. :smile2: I value your opinion and love your sense of humor. You made me chuckle, and I needed that. :smile2:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> I just don't trust people who don't masturbate.


According to the first African-American-Female U.S. Surgeon General, this would be because they DO in fact masturbate but just choose to "lie" about doing it.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

badsanta said:


> According to the first African-American-Female U.S. Surgeon General, this would be because they DO in fact masturbate but just choose to "lie" about doing it.


That's my belief as well. Too ashamed about masturbating so they lie and insist that they don't. But then there are those who are devout...whatevers...who believe masturbating is a sin unless done within a sexual act with a wedded spouse and the male does not spill his seed anywhere but inside his wife's vagina where a baby might result if it be the will of ..whatever God they happen to pray to.

The Jewish kosher rules of food, food prep, and eating utensils ended up being the most sanitary way ancient Jews could eat. Of course today those rule and those who follow those rules aren't based in sanitary needs because we have refrigeration and food safety agencies. 

This leads me to believe that perhaps most of the conduct rules are based in a need to remain alive and safe. Like, don't kill people and listen to your parents and be nice to your neighbors... Muslims too have basic sanitary rules, even if they are extradorinarily insulting to women such as do not touch a woman on your way to a mosque and if you accidentally do that you have to wash your hands and if there is no water available you should scrub your hands with sand...I guess they don't want their men to be distracted by an attractive female when they should be focused on prayer.

So where is the underlining sanitary reason for a prohibition on masturbating? I get that in ancient times the need to populate the region pushed men to take a wife and make a bunch of babies since they couldn't masturbate. So men should not spill their seed. Okay fine. Where is there a risk that a woman masturbating to climax would disminish her ability to conceive? If anything, it would make conception more likely since she's not actively prohibiting her desire for sex. 

So men shouldn't waste their seed but women should masturbate several times a day in order to always be ready to receive that seed. Doesn't that make more sense?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Being cheated on...by an inanimate object?? That's a new one. If this guy really does love you, he should be able to accept anything that you need done to give you pleasure.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> That's my belief as well. Too ashamed about masturbating so they lie and insist that they don't. But then there are those who are devout...whatevers...who believe masturbating is a sin unless done within a sexual act with a wedded spouse and the male does not spill his seed anywhere but inside his wife's vagina where a baby might result if it be the will of ..whatever God they happen to pray to.
> 
> The Jewish kosher rules of food, food prep, and eating utensils ended up being the most sanitary way ancient Jews could eat. Of course today those rule and those who follow those rules aren't based in sanitary needs because we have refrigeration and food safety agencies.
> 
> ...


But @Anon Pink lust is a sin! If women were not shamed for masturbating, their lust for men would become insatiable and they would commit adultery. It is such a slippery slope, "slippery" indeed! 

Just to warn those here I googled images what happens to these women, as traditional punishment would be for her to be stoned publicly. It is a very sad and sobering sight indeed to watch an uninhibited women be stoned to death in public. 

...OK, here it is, but I think Google lost the historical meaning of what a woman looks like when she is publicly stoned. ...perhaps society is progressing?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Honestly, I feel if it weren't this, it'd be something else. Just something about your story tells me that he is one of those people who thinks he owns a chick once he gets into a relationship. I'd say bye. It's none of his business, to be honest...that you masturbate. To be his age and still hung up on such trivial things, seems really REALLY strange.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

:lol: @badsanta
:rofl:

I thought I had employed the very best geeks to search and destroy any images of my most recent GNO. Damn!


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Honestly, I feel if it weren't this, it'd be something else. Just something about your story tells me that he is one of those people who thinks he owns a chick once he gets into a relationship. I'd say bye. It's none of his business, to be honest...that you masturbate. To be his age and still hung up on such trivial things, seems really REALLY strange.


I'm simply amazed at how many partners/spouses of peeps on here expect to be handed the keys to a chastity belt or whatever.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

introvert said:


> I'm simply amazed at how many partners/spouses of peeps on here expect to be handed the keys to a chastity belt or whatever.


lol I know. But, I have a feeling he's controlling in general. People who are controlling with stuff like this, usually are controlling in other areas.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> lol I know. But, I have a feeling he's controlling in general. People who are controlling with stuff like this, usually are controlling in other areas.


Right you are!


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## Cloudsinmyc0ffee (Jun 5, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> lol I know. But, I have a feeling he's controlling in general. People who are controlling with stuff like this, usually are controlling in other areas.


I must agree, and this is a man who is used to being in control of everything in his life. I have been concerned that I would just be along for the ride rather than a full partner. He says that would not be the case, but I know it would be hard for him to make decisions together. 

As far as the original topic, he has in the past been in a relationship with someone who had had bilateral mastectomies and did not have reconstructive surgery. He said it was a shock at first (she didn't tell him; he discovered it the first time they were nude together) but that after a little while it made no difference. I don't think he would care about that. It's more for me that he considers masturbating as cheating and feels all toys ought to be pitched.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Cloudsinmyc0ffee said:


> I must agree, and this is a man who is used to being in control of everything in his life. I have been concerned that I would just be along for the ride rather than a full partner. He says that would not be the case, but I know it would be hard for him to make decisions together.
> 
> As far as the original topic, he has in the past been in a relationship with someone who had had bilateral mastectomies and did not have reconstructive surgery. He said it was a shock at first (she didn't tell him; he discovered it the first time they were nude together) but that after a little while it made no difference. I don't think he would care about that. It's more for me that he considers masturbating as cheating and feels all toys ought to be pitched.


He sounds sooooo weird!!! I'm sorry, don't mean to offend, but I'd pitch him, keep your toys. :nerd:


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