# Separated in FL



## UpnDownFL (Mar 20, 2012)

Hello everyone, I'm new to this board and after much deliberation decided to share my story. My wife of almost 20 years and I separated 6 months ago. We have 2 teenage kids, son 17 and daughter 15. We are still married, and to my knowledge she has not filed for divorce yet. 

I would say that our issues are mostly my fault. Even though we have a beautiful family, good jobs, good health, home, etc…I’ve never been really happy or content with that, I’ve always been looking for more. There was no infidelity, no physical or emotional abuse; we grew apart over the last 2-3 years and it resulted in emotional detachment and lack of intimacy. 

Anyway, in March of this year, while on a golf trip with my buddies she texted me and said not to bother to come home. I pleaded and begged but she didn’t budge, I moved out and got an apartment and honestly was hopeful for reconciliation (although she was not talking to me). The apartment was 5 minutes from our house so I was able to spend time with the kids. In May of this year she texted me again to tell me that she had asked for a job transfer (she works for the US Gov’t) and that it was approved. They moved to San Diego, CA at the end of June and I moved back into our home in Florida. 

We were okay for a while and I even visited a couple times. We even talked about getting back together and for a short while were excited about the future.

The logistics about the potential reconciliation have been incredibly challenging to say the least…She doesn’t want to move back as she is closer to her mom in CA and we own a home in FL and job prospects for me in CA have been non-existent. I believe that she has become frustrated by the fact that I’m not willing to let the house go and just move. I texted her earlier this week asking about her and the kids and her reply was to leave her alone and that if I wanted to talk to the kids to call them directly.

Anyway, I’m confused, lonely, angry and just don’t know what to do. I know that me being distant and detached from my relationship caused most of my current situation but I can’t seem deal with the ups and downs. 
Thanks for reading.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Your user name seems vaguely familiar.

Is this some sort of franchise deal?


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## UpnDownFL (Mar 20, 2012)

Nope, just someone going through separation and looking for comments, advice, etc...No franchise deal here!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnDownFL said:


> Nope, just someone going through separation and looking for comments, advice, etc...No franchise deal here!


She was willing to reconcile and you didn't do it because you wanted to hold on to the house?

Was she paying all the bills in California?


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## UpnDownFL (Mar 20, 2012)

No, I give her a considerable amount of money every month, plus I kept all of our joint debt, and no, it was just not holding on to the house, I figured that I can rent it if it comes to that, but to move without a job there's no way we could afford it.


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

does leaving her alone mean stopping the money to her?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Matt1720 said:


> does leaving her alone mean stopping the money to her?


Stop going by her words and act on her actions.

Get an attorney and only give what you are legally obligated to.

Kept all the debt? Why in the hell would you do that?

What is there to respect in a doormat?

She works for the government, she can clearly pay her own debt.

Also, nice name.


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## UpnDownFL (Mar 20, 2012)

I just want to make sure that the kids are okay, you know, clothes on their backs and food on the table. I've been hesitant to consult an attorney but suspect that will happen soon.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

There are guidelines set in place just for that.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Do you have access to her cell phone records?


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## UpnDownFL (Mar 20, 2012)

Conrad, no, I do not have access to her phone records.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnDownFL said:


> Conrad, no, I do not have access to her phone records.


She's a long way away.

What sort of records do you have access to - about who she is communicating with?


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