# She's my perfect match but...



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I have recently come to realize that an aacquaintance of 15+ yrs is like my perfect match but I don't believe anything will or should happen. 

When I say perfect match, I mean almost exactly what I would want in a future mate...intelligent, witty, infectious personality, like fun but doesn't party, Christian, and cute! Now those are the positives.

The negatives are imho huge. I'm 38. She's 28. We work together. She grew up in same church as my ex. The age thing might not be that big but the others are. She started working with me 2 yrs ago. Since we've known each other so long, we are quite comfortable speaking at work. At different times, we've been each others sounding board. 

I haven't said anything to anyone about this so this may be more of a vent than anything. But I sit and laugh at times because it's crazy how we vibe together and yet it will probably never be more than it is! 

Thoughts anyone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Working together is the only issue that I can see...and one of you can always change jobs if things got serious...


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't understand why your issues are issues to be honest, but it's your life.

I didn't let the 'negatives' stop me from going out with DH. We worked together, he was only just out of a long term relationship etc, none of that mattered in the end. We still work together (somewhere else now though), lol. If we'd broken up, we'd have moved onto different jobs, no big deal. As for what Church she used to go to, yeah, don't get why that matters either.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

If you put the word "but" in your title, I think you already made up your mind.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I have recently come to realize that an aacquaintance of 15+ yrs is like my perfect match but I don't believe anything will or should happen.
> 
> When I say perfect match, I mean almost exactly what I would want in a future mate...intelligent, witty, infectious personality, like fun but doesn't party, Christian, and cute! Now those are the positives.
> 
> ...


Above is THE only red flag.

I don't see any other cons in what you wrote.

DO NOT get involved with people at work. Although SOME (very few) made it happen and were successful........MOST fail and their job environment is effected. Many lose jobs....and their employers get sued.

I wouldn't recommend, but it's your choice.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

So she SEEMS to be your perfect match, but do you feel a chemistry with her? THAT should be your deciding factor here. If the chemistry is there, then it would seem foolish to not try to move it forward.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

The chemistry is great! We laugh and joke with each other regularly. 

I'm surprised people haven't started asking questions because weare often seen talking. We don't really work together much, though, due to different shifts. Hers is ending as mines begins. That would make things difficult as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Do you have any ideas about how she feels about you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I have, at times, thought there was some interest on her part because of some comments and compliments from time to time. Then I just brush them off as being a regular part of her personality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Honestly, some of the best marriages I know started as good friends way before any dating started. I would do if I was you. Just go real slow and be careful. If it does not work out, you don't want to hurt the friendship you have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RollerCoasterRide (Sep 8, 2014)

You really havent mentioned anything about how u feel about her intimately or the thought of her with someone else. If shes your perfect match outside those fields then why not just keep it a great friendship...no need to put the gf/bf label on it. If you are interesred in intimacy and exclusiveness...make sure u approach the idea of it very slowly with her. Drop the right hints and see how she responds.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Currently she is single and has been for roughly a year. She's made it known to any who ask that her worth is not determined by her relationship status which also adds to her appeal. 

We are great friends and that alone causes me to hesitate. I wouldn't want to ruin that. I do think about possibly missing out on something but then I tell myself to just keep it platonic. I have thought about little subtle hints but didn't do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tryagain13 (Sep 15, 2014)

Do you feel the urge to kiss her when she's close? Do you find yourself putting your hand on her shoulder when you talk? Do you hug hello or goodbye? (not at work, but elsewhere) Do you spend any time outside of work? (sorry if I missed that) Do you feel sexual or intimate urges around her, or just the closeness and enjoy her company?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

tryagain13 said:


> Do you feel the urge to kiss her when she's close? Do you find yourself putting your hand on her shoulder when you talk? Do you hug hello or goodbye? (not at work, but elsewhere) Do you spend any time outside of work? (sorry if I missed that) Do you feel sexual or intimate urges around her, or just the closeness and enjoy her company?


Yes, those urges are there because she is a beautiful woman but closeness and enjoyment of her company is greater!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

tryagain13 said:


> Do you feel the urge to kiss her when she's close? Do you find yourself putting your hand on her shoulder when you talk? Do you hug hello or goodbye? (not at work, but elsewhere) Do you spend any time outside of work? (sorry if I missed that) Do you feel sexual or intimate urges around her, or just the closeness and enjoy her company?


These are the things I was curious about as far as "chemistry"!


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> Yes, those urges are there because she is a beautiful woman but closeness and enjoyment of her company is greater!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ah well, I think that means it's not that much of an urge at all and hence why you aren't moving forward. The rest of it is just you trying to make sense of why you have no urge to move forward. 

DH told me he had to fight the urge to hold my hand when we sat down for a coffee together at a café, after attending a conference together. We barely knew each other. Some things come from deep down.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What's the problem again? 

What you consider negatives are actually positives. I think you hesitate because of your last relationship? There are no guarantees but she seems worth the risk which seems small. 

Go for it.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

The hesitation has absolutely nothing to do with past relationships. It may be "paralysis by analysis"! I worry about have read too much into perceived "signs" of interest. I worry about the friendship we have developed. I wonder about the age gap. 

Comparing her to my exwife or any other gfs wouldn't work because she's not like any of them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

marksaysay said:


> The chemistry is great! We laugh and joke with each other regularly.
> 
> I'm surprised people haven't started asking questions because weare often seen talking. We don't really work together much, though, due to different shifts. Hers is ending as mines begins. That would make things difficult as well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's kind of a problem can you get switched to her shift but work in a different dept than her.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Do you have any indication that she would be interested in more than a friendship? Have you given any sign that you are interested? If you don't give her a hint then she may think you are not interested. Usually 7 yrs difference is no problem. You are only 3 yrs more apart with mitigating circumstances - you have been friends for a long time. 

How about subtle indications that you are interested. If she does not take you on, it would be best to date other woman so you can move on.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Do you have any indication that she would be interested in more than a friendship? Have you given any sign that you are interested? If you don't give her a hint then she may think you are not interested. Usually 7 yrs difference is no problem. You are only 3 yrs more apart with mitigating circumstances - you have been friends for a long time.
> 
> How about subtle indications that you are interested. If she does not take you on, it would be best to date other woman so you can move on.


All very good questions! 

I don't know if she would be interested. I have, at times, thought about some comments she's made over time but I could've been misreading her.

No, I have not given any signs that I would be interested, either. I have mentioned that others thought she would be a perfect match for me (2 coworkers within a couple of days), but that was a while ago. I mentioned that I'd considered asking her to be my date to a function put on by our church (we go to the same church). She just replied that she couldn't because her child was sick (he had been hospitalized).

As far as the long friendship, I wouldn't exactly say we've been friends. I've known her because we've gone to the same church for 15 yrs but only recently, when we began working together, did we develop into friends. 

I've kicked around the thought of being upfront since I'm known at work as the guy who always keeps it 100%. I think the subtle hints are probably the best way to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

The recent friendship after knowing each other sounds even better. A long close friendship may indicate no interest on her part. But this is recent and may indicate she is interested. What exactly does she do or say that you think shows her interest. I may be able to decode for you from a woman's point of view. 

The time she had a sick child does not count as a refusal however, you should have followed up. Ask her about the child and after a proper period of time say something about the offer still being open. She may think you changed your mind if you don't follow-up.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> The recent friendship after knowing each other sounds even better. A long close friendship may indicate no interest on her part. But this is recent and may indicate she is interested. What exactly does she do or say that you think shows her interest. I may be able to decode for you from a woman's point of view.
> 
> The time she had a sick chid does not count as a refusal however, you should have followed up. Ask her about the child and after a proper period of time say something about the offer still being open. She may think you changed your mind if you don't follow-up.


Time to suck it up and just ask.
Life is too short bro.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Examples: On a number of occasions, we have conversed, as she prepares leave or after a rare shift together, I've had to end the conversations...every time! She often comments about how nice I look (when not in work clothes) or she says she likes my new facial hair. These are just a few. Again, I could be trying to read too much into it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

marksaysay said:


> Examples: On a number of occasions, we have conversed, as she prepares leave or after a rare shift together, I've had to end the conversations...every time! She often comments about how nice I look (when not in work clothes) or she says she likes my new facial hair. These are just a few. Again, I could be trying to read too much into it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just go for it!!!:lol:


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> Examples: On a number of occasions, we have conversed, as she prepares leave or after a rare shift together, I've had to end the conversations...every time! She often comments about how nice I look (when not in work clothes) or she says she likes my new facial hair. These are just a few. Again, I could be trying to read too much into it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ummm your kidding, right. You don't think she is interested in you? What else does she need to do to single her interest, sit on your face.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Ummm your kidding, right. You don't think she is interested in you? What else does she need to do to single her interest, sit on your face.


This gave me a good laugh and no, I'm not kidding. I always felt those may have been signs but I didn't want to be wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

marksaysay said:


> The chemistry is great! We laugh and joke with each other regularly.


Someone asks you about the chemistry and you respond that it's great because you...laugh and joke?

No. How is the *sexual *chemistry? When you touch, is there a pull? Electricity? Passion? Does your penis-brain like her?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

jaquen said:


> Someone asks you about the chemistry and you respond that it's great because you...laugh and joke?
> 
> No. How is the *sexual *chemistry? When you touch, is there a pull? Electricity? Passion? Does your penis-brain like her?


I guess I answered the way I did to hightlight the enjoyable times we have together. But the answer is YES! When I'm around her, I want to touch her and I often do in some subtle way. Yes, I just want to jump her bones!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Well, we worked together briefly today. Tried to use limited time, since she was leaving, to get a read but interaction was limited. I'll probably see her at church in the morning as well as tomorrow night at work. Trying to think now of a good approach to test the waters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

marksaysay said:


> Well, we worked together briefly today. Tried to use limited time, since she was leaving, to get a read but interaction was limited. I'll probably see her at church in the morning as well as tomorrow night at work. Trying to think now of a good approach to test the waters.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have seen it more than once that a man expresses interest and the woman "wakes up to it", everything might be in place but YOUR initiative!

Even an initial surprise on her part is nothing to sweat as I said she may well be holding back emotionally until the light turns green, but yeah she is interested, I would bet your bottom dollar.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

My gut says so, too. We will know soon enough!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Well, we chatted some at church. Then quite a bit at work last night. We even chatted a bit via fb. It was all friendly conversation, though. Since we've known each other so long, go to the same church and work together, i see no need to try to rush things. _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Well, we chatted some at church. Then quite a bit at work last night. We even chatted a bit via fb. It was all friendly conversation, though. Since we've known each other so long, go to the same church and work together, i see no need to try to rush things. _Posted via Mobile Device_


Deep inside you know what's at risk......don't you.

When she finds out it's either ALL IN, or ALL OUT.



This thread is my evidence of my "men and women can't be friends".


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

DoF said:


> Deep inside you know what's at risk......don't you.


There is much truth in that statement. My dilemna is this: After a 11 yr marriage and having dated several women since my divorce, she is the only one I've encountered that meets almost everything I would ask for in a mate. I would be stupid to not at least try. But at the same time, we've known each other so long, have gotten closer in the last year, go to church and we work together. It might be even more foolish to mess things up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> There is much truth in that statement. My dilemna is this: After a 11 yr marriage and having dated several women since my divorce, she is the only one I've encountered that meets almost everything I would ask for in a mate. I would be stupid to not at least try. But at the same time, we've known each other so long, have gotten closer in the last year, go to church and we work together. It might be even more foolish to mess things up.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would find another job, only after that I would pursue and put your "friendship" on the line.

To be honest with you, it's no really a friendship if you have ANY kind of "more" feelings towards her anyways.......so one can say you have NOTHING to lose.



Personally, I would ask her out, but not while she is a coworker.

On the other side, good luck dating other women and getting serious while being "friends" with another lady.......so until you settle this one, I doubt you will ever be able to meet someone special.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I have been considering a new job for other reasons but this seems like another reason to do. While we don't work together often because of varying shifts, it would make a relationship difficult the things are now!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

It's been a few months since my last post but I thought I'd give an update.

For starters, I recently changed jobs so I no longer work with this young lady anymore. Secondly, I found out she has resumed a relationship with the father of her child which pretty much means she is now off limits. 

But here's the dilemma. We still go to the same church, as has been the case for 15 yrs. Over the past 2-3 months, her son has become somewhat attached to me and wants to come to me every time he sees me. So after each service, I get him and take a short stroll with him before returning him to her. 

The dilemma is she has recently posed the question as to would I teach her piano. I'm the church pianist and would be glad to do so for anyone else. But knowing that I, at the least, have a crush on her, I'm not sure being alone with her for an hour or so weekly would be a good idea. She is actually quite serious about the lessons as she's stated she's been trying to find a cheap keyboard for practicing. 

Should I or should I not take her on as a student?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Bad idea. 

C


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## NewToHeartBreak (Jul 8, 2014)

You could just be honest couldn't you? 

"I'd love to teach you piano but before you got back with the father of your child I was planning to ask you out so I don't think it's appropriate"


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

NewToHeartBreak said:


> You could just be honest couldn't you?
> 
> "I'd love to teach you piano but before you got back with the father of your child I was planning to ask you out so I don't think it's appropriate"


I had actually been contemplating doing exactly this. The reason I haven't is because we have a pretty good relationship as it is and I figured if I kinda ignored it, she would eventually forget about it. Also, I guess I honestly didn't want to confess that I have a romantic interest in her and cause any future awkward interactions since we regularly see each other and are very friendly at church. Telling her this would probably change that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

NewToHeartBreak said:


> You could just be honest couldn't you?
> 
> "I'd love to teach you piano but before you got back with the father of your child I was planning to ask you out so I don't think it's appropriate"


^ ^ ^

THIS. :iagree:

Just be honest with her. Tell her exactly the above. If she's interested, you'll know. If not, I really don't think it will end your friendship.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I think you both are right. Instead of having her anticipate these lessons, I should be upfront. Thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Where do you people live where people lose their jobs for having relationships? Companies got sued? WTF? I cannot even count how many individuals I have know professionally that met and married someone from work. It is endless. I have known people who dated and guess what it did not work out and life went on. Why? Because they were professionals. 

After a few years on this board I cannot believe the drama (about nothing) sometimes.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

RClawson said:


> Where do you people live where people lose their jobs for having relationships? Companies got sued? WTF? I cannot even count how many individuals I have know professionally that met and married someone from work. It is endless. I have known people who dated and guess what it did not work out and life went on. Why? Because they were professionals.


same here. It's probably dependent on the size of the company. Have a messy breakup in a company of 50? everyone knows about it. In a company of 1000, in different departments ? no one cares, life moves on, like dating in high school.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> The hesitation has absolutely nothing to do with past relationships. It may be "paralysis by analysis"! I worry about have read too much into perceived "signs" of interest. I worry about the friendship we have developed. I wonder about the age gap.
> 
> Comparing her to my exwife or any other gfs wouldn't work because she's not like any of them!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The age gap for me is basically no more than 10 years difference. The reason being is there is a relative familiarity with history, music and such in both lives. My wife and are 8 years difference yet we grew up in the same decades and experiencing like music/history of the decades we shared. The age gap does not really play huge part until your talking 15-20 years IMO.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Examples: On a number of occasions, we have conversed, as she prepares leave or after a rare shift together, I've had to end the conversations...every time! She often comments about how nice I look (when not in work clothes) or she says she likes my new facial hair. These are just a few. Again, I could be trying to read too much into it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think she certainly looking and tossing the idea around. Compliments are few and far between unless there is a interest.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

NewToHeartBreak said:


> You could just be honest couldn't you?
> 
> "I'd love to teach you piano but before you got back with the father of your child I was planning to ask you out so I don't think it's appropriate"


Ya, I was thinking the same thing. Adults can be honest with each other.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I had actually been contemplating doing exactly this. The reason I haven't is because we have a pretty good relationship as it is and I figured if I kinda ignored it, she would eventually forget about it. Also, I guess I honestly didn't want to confess that I have a romantic interest in her and cause any future awkward interactions since we regularly see each other and are very friendly at church. Telling her this would probably change that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here is the thing...she is a friend. I understand there is a love interest but as humans we can and do learn to put things aside for a greater good. That good is a very long friendship. You will ruin each and every aspect of the relationship if you decline the lessons and profess your love.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

tulsy said:


> Ya, I was thinking the same thing. Adults can be honest with each other.


I see it as damned if you and damned if you don't concerning the lessons. It is a tough spot certainly. As I understand it you no longer work together? This is for 1 hour a week for lessons? Not much time together IMO to keep a flourishing like of your friend going. Specifically when you do not know if the feelings are mutual.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Here is the thing...she is a friend. I understand there is a love interest but as humans we can and do learn to put things aside for a greater good. That good is a very long friendship. *You will ruin each and every aspect of the relationship if you decline the lessons and profess your love.*


Yes, BUT... if he hides the truth about his feelings and goes ahead and provides the lessons, where does that leave him?

Suppose he actually falls in love with this woman; then it's weekly heartache for him suffering from unrequited love.

If I had love-feelings and attraction for a man who was already in a relationship, the last thing I would want to do is torture myself by spending MORE time with him.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Yes, BUT... if he hides the truth about his feelings and goes ahead and provides the lessons, where does that leave him?
> 
> Suppose he actually falls in love with this woman; then it's weekly heartache for him suffering from unrequited love.
> 
> If I had love-feelings and attraction for a man who was already in a relationship, the last thing I would want to do is torture myself by spending MORE time with him.


Starting to read like a romance novel. It is one hour a week. Perhaps it is just me but I can turn it off at a drop of a hat. I'm inclined to believe each and everyone of use at one time or another developed a love interest but put them aside because of boundaries. We learned to live with it and cope until the feelings fade or another love interest fills the void. 

It is tough certainly. I grant you that. But, 15 years of friendship are at stake.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Although we've known each other for 15 yrs, we were really nothing more than acquaintances until we began working together. She was a teen and I was married when we 1st met so there wasn't much there. Therefore, the friendship only developed over the last couple of years.

Concerning the lessons, my reservations are actually 2-fold. The obvious one is not wanting to create any more of an emotional connection with her. We have so much in common already. Second, I would hate it if there were any feelings on her end and then coming between her and her current boyfriend. 

The last part is definitely an uncertainty but I don't want to chance it. So then the question is do I chance it and hope nothing happens or just don't do it all! I could simply tell her time won't allow me to teach her or come up with some other reason, but lying goes against everything I believe. If I tell her simply that I can't do it, I believe she may want to know why since I'd already told her I would. To me simply telling her the truth would be my best option.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It does sound like a good match but the work thing would throw me.

I just generally think that's a bad idea.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> It does sound like a good match but the work thing would throw me.
> 
> I just generally think that's a bad idea.





marksaysay said:


> It's been a few months since my last post but I thought I'd give an update.
> 
> For starters, I recently changed jobs so I no longer work with this young lady anymore. ...


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## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

DoF said:


> Deep inside you know what's at risk......don't you.
> 
> When she finds out it's either ALL IN, or ALL OUT.
> 
> ...


I agree with this. The work thing is problematic but you can't be on the fence about these things or you get friend zoned. Think of it this way. Your friendship is already in trouble because you are sexually attracted to her. If she is not interested in you that way she will eventually pick up on it and it will make your friendship awkward. Better to find out and be honest with each other.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ah, thanks for the posting, Tulsy.

I say, go for it!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> To me simply telling her the truth would be my best option.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

And very honorable, OP, that you don't want to cause problems between her and her partner.

However, if things don't work out with them in the future (that relationship has already failed once) she may end up available. Knowing how you feel, she may reach out to you and you could end up together anyway!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> :iagree:
> 
> And very honorable, OP, that you don't want to cause problems between her and her partner.
> 
> However, if things don't work out with them in the future (that relationship has already failed once) she may end up available. Knowing how you feel, she may reach out to you and you could end up together anyway!


There is always that possibility. There is also the possibility that she has feelings that are hidden. She has gone back to her child's father but this new found revelation from Marksayay might sway her to act on the feeling she might be harboring. If that the case...then coming between her and her BF has been accomplished. This is not what the OP is looking to do.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Yeswecan said:


> There is always that possibility. There is also the possibility that she has feelings that are hidden. She has gone back to her child's father but this new found revelation from Marksayay might sway her to act on the feeling she might be harboring. If that the case...then coming between her and her BF has been accomplished. This is not what the OP is looking to do.


You make a very valid point. While my intent would be not to come between her and her child's father, telling her I don't want to teach could very well do that if she has been secretly harboring feelings towards me. So now the plot thickens somewhat. Obviously, if there are no feelings, then telling her about mine would be the way to go. But if she does have feelings and I tell, then it could do the very thing I didn't want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> You make a very valid point. While my intent would be not to come between her and her child's father, telling her I don't want to teach could very well do that if she has been secretly harboring feelings towards me. So now the plot thickens somewhat. Obviously, if there are no feelings, then telling her about mine would be the way to go. But if she does have feelings and I tell, then it could do the very thing I didn't want.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly sir. It is best, IMO, to learn how to put a boundary in place and keep the soldiers on the ramparts of that boundary keeping watch. I can say that I have been in that position in my life. But, my boundaries and morals keep the walls up no matter the situation. Self control as it were. This might be that one time self control is your only one best answer. Teach the lessons for 1 hour and keep your silence. It will suck for sure. I grant you that. But, at the end of the day you will feel better about yourself that you can overcome said feelings and carry on. Good luck!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ok, then simply tell her you do not have time in your schedule right now to take on another piano student. Then, put her behind you and move on. 

If she persists in having you teach her, remind yourself that you are under no obligation to be nagged and harangued into taking her on as a student. A firm "no" should do the trick.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Ok, then simply tell her you do not have time in your schedule right now to take on another piano student. Then, put her behind you and move on.
> 
> If she persists in having you teach her, remind yourself that you are under no obligation to be nagged and harangued into taking her on as a student. A firm "no" should do the trick.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would simply say you jumped to soon and found your schedule conflicts with teaching the lessons. You are very sorry. She will attempt to change the scheduled time certainly. Tell her you will have to take a rain check for now as forthcoming months will be busy. Other than that, if you do go head long into the lesson. Boundaries are the word of the day.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> I would simply say you jumped to soon and found your schedule conflicts with teaching the lessons. You are very sorry.


Yep. And if you are conflicted about being "less than truthful" find another activity, perhaps some volunteer work, that really DOES conflict with her schedule/your free time. Honesty, and problem solved!

:smthumbup:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Yep. And if you are conflicted about being "less than truthful" find another activity, perhaps some volunteer work, that really DOES conflict with her schedule/your free time. Honesty, and problem solved!
> 
> :smthumbup:


:iagree:

Schedule a nail appoint the same time each week. No..wait...:scratchhead::rofl:

J/K. I can say you are a honorable person, took ownership of this issue, seek help and resolve before something very very wrong could have transpired. God Bless you, sir.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I have no other students. She brought up the idea and would be my only student. I won't fabricate a reason, tthough. I will either tell the truth or either say nothing at all. That, I guess, is really what I'm trying to decide.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I have no other students. She brought up the idea and would be my only student. I won't fabricate a reason, tthough. *I will either tell the truth or either say nothing at all. That, I guess, is really what I'm trying to decide.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Mark... you are WAFFLING.

Whether or not to tell her your true feelings. Whether or not to teach her piano lessons. Whether or not to back off and do nothing. Whether or not to "fudge" the truth. 

You're conflicted about your feelings and her re-connect with her ex.

My advice: *Just MAKE A DECISION.* You've gotten great advice on this thread. Don't let it languish on for months while you decide how to approach it. This has been agonizing you since September. Just make a decision, then follow through 

P.S. You seem like a really nice, all-around, good guy. If she's not "the one", there will be many more lined up to have a shot! As they say... 3 billion women on the planet...


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## NewToHeartBreak (Jul 8, 2014)

"There is always that possibility. There is also the possibility that she has feelings that are hidden. She has gone back to her child's father but this new found revelation from Marksayay might sway her to act on the feeling she might be harboring. If that the case...then coming between her and her BF has been accomplished. This is not what the OP is looking to do."

and... so what as long as he doesn't start anything with her (or discussed it with her) before she's ended things with her current boyfriend I can't see a problem particularly if he's not teaching her piano.

You don't need to confess your madly in love with her and think she "the one", telling her you don't think it's appropriate to teach her piano because you thought about asking her out on a date should be enough. Bonus points you'll look like a together good guy increasing the chances she'll get in touch should she break up. Your not going to keep a friendship creeping on her over a key board while she's with the father of her child. 

One way or another you are going to lose this friendship but that's just life.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I'd actually resigned to saying nothing upon discovering she was back with the father of her child. That was 2-3 months ago. It only arose now because of the prospect of giving her lessons. 

I would be ok simply telling her no along with the reason but I see her weekly because we go to the same church.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I'd actually resigned to saying nothing upon discovering she was back with the father of her child. That was 2-3 months ago. It only arose now because of the prospect of giving her lessons.
> 
> I would be ok simply telling her no along with the reason but I see her weekly because we go to the same church.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



If your church is like most, there are more then one services held. My church as 3 on Sunday. One on Saturday night. If your church has more then one service attend the service she is not.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Nope. Small church with one service!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Time for a new church.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

That seems to be a little drastic simply because I like someone. I plan on simply doing nothing until the subject of lessons comes up again. If it does come up again, I will simply tell her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Won't it be uncomfortable seeing her after you reveal how you feel. Does her partner go to the same church? You seem to enjoy the church, it would be a shame to create an atmosphere that is uncomfortable for you. 

If she is honest in trying to reconnect with her partner, she will share your revelation with him. He might think you are on a fishing expidition to see if she may be interested in you. That would make things awkward for all of you.

The best thing for you is to say nothing and back away from the friendship and probably avoid her as much as possible without seeming unfriendly. You don't want any distraction from moving on to find a woman who is available and crazy about you.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I have never met her partner. I don't really know if he goes to church. I just know he has never attended the same place we attend. With that in mind, the fact that we do go to the same church only serves to add to the list of things that would seem to make a relationship so appealing.

And yes, I do enjoy this church. It's the only place I've regularly attended in the 15 yrs I've been here. I teach Sunday school there, in addition to serving as the musician, so I'm pretty active there. 

I do realize telling her that I had interest at some level would cause an uncomfortable atmosphere to an extent. But if the subject is ever brought up again, telling her upfront why i didn't think it was a good idea would be the right thing to do, imho. I WILL NOT be the one who brings it up and I hope she doesn't either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

In terms of finding 'the one' for me, I'm not exactly actively looking. I've had a few brief relationships since my divorce 4 yrs ago. During that time, I've come to realize that while I would love to have someone to share life with, I can't just settle for the sake of having someone. I've realized that someone who shares the same spiritual beliefs is much more important than looks, personality, status, or any other qualities. If that isn't there, it's not worth my time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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