# Wife uncomfortable with receiving



## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

My wife is not interested in sex. She has sex with me ~1 time per week on average, but only does this because she is considerate of my needs.

She has been on the pill for a few years now, and we both think it has seriously lowered her libido. She blames the pill for all of our sex problems, and while I think a portion of it is the pill, I think there are other, deeper problems.

My wife is uncomfortable with me giving her orgasms (fingers, orally, or otherwise). When I persistently ask her about it, she will tell me that she feels uncomfortable with me giving her orgasms because "it feels like something somebody shouldn't do". She feels that it is private, and me being there feels like an invasion of her privacy.

Also, I have noticed that she has problems connecting with me emotionally in sex. In foreplay, she acts very awkward and tries to be silly to lighten the mood. She likes to skip foreplay entirely, and just wants to get to the basic mechanics of sex to get it over with.

She enjoys orgasms. I know this because she uses her vibrator ~2-3 times per week. She likes the convenience of how quickly her vibrator can give her an orgasm. She has told me that the orgasms I give her are much better, but the vibrator simply takes much less time. I think she prefers it over me because she doesn't have to emotionally connect with it.

This is a big problem for me. I naturally feel like our sex life is something we can measure the health of our marriage with. Though I logically know that this isn't completely true, it still feels like it. I am very frustrated with our one-sided sex life, and it makes me feel unloved because she doesn't really connect with me physically.

She knows that this is a problem and wants very badly to fix it also. She knows that it isn't normal, but does not know how to change how she feels. 

I have ruled out the following reasons for why she is acting the way she is:

An affair
Me being sexually incompetent
Her not feeling physically attracted to me
Sexual abuse
Problems in other areas of our relationship

Has anyone had a problem similar to this? Did you fix it? I have been told it would be a good idea to visit a sex therapist. That is, unfortunately, a problem for us because I cannot find one around where I live. Does anyone think a marital counselor might do some good in this area? And does anyone know approximately how much a marital counselor costs (USD)?

Thank you for your help.


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## Henry (Nov 20, 2007)

My first wife was like that most of the time. Found out after 18 years and 2 kids she wasn't "in love" but did love me.
She did not masturbate. Your W does and uses toys. May I suggest you use the toy on her and very slowly bring her up to an aroused state and make the foreplay really long. I have stretched out the lovemaking with my present W(years ago) to over an hour. 
Maybe she will like that. When she acts silly to lighten the mood try being more seious and use that tounge and I don't mean talking.
Luck.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

You have not ruled out the possibility that she feels herself to be too unattractive to have the sex life she would like to have or give to you.


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## Cletus15 (Oct 18, 2015)

What has happened to this thread?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Aggie said:


> I have ruled out the following reasons for why she is acting the way she is:
> 
> An affair
> Me being sexually incompetent
> ...


Here is my list of things:


Use of a vibrator has made her less sensitive to you and she feels self conscious about taking too long, and this prevents her from enjoying herself. (let her know you enjoy her taking a long time)
Use the vibrator together, and let her use it on you too so she is less ashamed of it (if this is the case)
If she uses porn in addition to the vibrator, be sure she is not ashamed of that. (shame causes serious problems)
Try making love to her and forbidding her to have an orgasm while doing things you know she likes and see how long she can withstand, and even set a playful punishment if she has one (reverse psychology works oooooh so well!)
If all else fails, buy a more powerful vibrator than hers (hitachi) and make her jealous and ONLY allow her to use it on you or you use it on yourself, but forbid her to play with it on herself. (perhaps show her a little bit what it is like turned on high) 

Cheers,
Badsanta


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Cletus15 said:


> What has happened to this thread?


Besides the fact that it's three years old?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

😳. Too funny!!!!!!


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