# This is a test, this is only a test!



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

How long can my W go without sex? Some background: both in our mid-40s, married for 20+ yrs. We both enjoy a healthy sex life, usually having sex every 2-3 days, but sometimes daily for a stretch. I almost always initiate, but sometimes she initiates in her own way (by telling me I should initiate). We both have good or gasms when needed.

She had to travel out of state recently to care for a terminal brother. There were several complications related to his eventual death and it was very stressful/emotional. She was gone for 11 days and returned last Saturday. Mentally she is still reeling from his untimely death (age 48), and was not in the mood, which is unusual for her. I have taken on all of the household tasks to allow her time to rest/recover. 

But I have noticed other changes, like not grabbing my junk when in passing and not holding my junk while we sleep (which would be normal for us). I asked if she misses the intimacy and she says sure. I told her I would not pressure her for sex but due to the circumstances would wait for her to tell me.

I just wonder how long that will be? (For those who know our past missteps, I seriously doubt she had sex with someone else while she was gone, but you never know for sure).


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You just caught her in the beginnings of an affair about 3 months ago. So who knows. Your wife is not the most faithful of individuals. Why don't you just open up your marriage (I hate that and think it is morally wrong, but in your case it would at least make her think even if you didn't act on it).


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I hope you brought survival rations. You just might need them.>


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

MAJDEATH said:


> How long can my W go without sex? Some background: both in our mid-40s, married for 20+ yrs. We both enjoy a healthy sex life, usually having sex every 2-3 days, but sometimes daily for a stretch. I almost always initiate, but sometimes she initiates in her own way (by telling me I should initiate). We both have good or gasms when needed.
> 
> She had to travel out of state recently to care for a terminal brother. There were several complications related to his eventual death and it was very stressful/emotional. She was gone for 11 days and returned last Saturday. Mentally she is still reeling from his untimely death, and *was not in the mood, which is unusual for her.* I have taken on all of the household tasks to allow her time to rest/recover.
> 
> ...



Is she usually in the mood right after a family member dies?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> I just wonder how long that will be? (For those who know our past missteps, I seriously doubt she had sex with someone else while she was gone, but you never know for sure).


It's not easy being supportive and compassionate to a wife who recently again betrayed your trust. At this time, I do think that it is a bit strange that you are thinking of "how many days can she stay away from sex". There are two much more pressing issues to be thinking about.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

My wife and I have gone over a year without sex. More than once. The first time I asked for sex often and got rejected. The second time (15 years later) I did not initiate and she tried once or twice about a year into the "drought", at which point I was no longer interested and turned her down. So if you are asking how long someone can go without sex while married, the answer can be "a LONG time".

Talk to your wife. Tell her that you are there for her. Make it clear that you will give her space if she needs it, but you are available for her to offload some of her pain and fear if that is what she wants. Provide her with non-sexual touch if she is open to that. Keep the touching and communication going even if there is no sex. Most likely, the touching will eventually lead to sex. How long until then? No one can say.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I read somewhere that people are very susceptible to an A during situations regarding an untimely death. They start evaluating their own lives and if they determine they are unhappy or unfulfilled, coupled with the emotional state could lead to infidelity. And her track record was not good at times.

As far as I can tell, she is happy and fullfilled and was surrounded by family during her recent travels. We shall see.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

sokillme said:


> You just caught her in the beginnings of an affair about 3 months ago. So who knows. Your wife is not the most faithful of individuals. Why don't you just open up your marriage (I hate that and think it is morally wrong, but in your case it would at least make her think even if you didn't act on it).


Basically my side is open.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Holdingontoit said:


> My wife and I have gone over a year without sex. More than once. The first time I asked for sex often and got rejected. The second time (15 years alter) I did not initiate and she tried once or twice about a year into the "drought", at which point I was no longer interested and turned her down. So if you are asking how long someone can go without sex while married, the answer can be "a LONG time".
> 
> Talk to your wife. Tell her that you are there for her. Make it clear that you will give her space if she needs it, but you are available for her to offload some of her pain and fear if that is what she wants. Provide her with non-sexual touch if she is open to that. Keep the touching and communication going even if there is no sex. Most likely, the touching will eventually lead to sex. How long until then? No one can say.


I hope it is not years until she initiates! What's funny is, according to IC, she never had a lack of initiating with all of her OM.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How are you enjoying the rest of your life, so far?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

According to a comedian, women are to sex like camels are to water!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Only she knows how long she can go without sex.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

MAJDEATH said:


> Holdingontoit said:
> 
> 
> > My wife and I have gone over a year without sex. More than once. The first time I asked for sex often and got rejected. The second time (15 years alter) I did not initiate and she tried once or twice about a year into the "drought", at which point I was no longer interested and turned her down. So if you are asking how long someone can go without sex while married, the answer can be "a LONG time".
> ...


So if it IS years, do you just plan on waiting?


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Only she knows how long she can go without sex.


May, maybe not. Maybe she does not know and she is trying to figure it out for herself. Her husband is just collateral damage.

Or maybe she is emotionally upset about her brother dying. Some people want more sex when they are upset. Some want no sex when they are upset. OP's wife seems to be among the latter. Which is why I suggested he offer her emotional support that is NOT sexual in nature but keeps the bond between them going so that when she feels a tiny flicker of urge he is there to fan the flames. If he pushes her away while she is grieving, he won't be close enough to her when she starts feeling a little better.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Maybe she's waiting for a foot massage.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

browser said:


> Maybe she's waiting for a foot massage.


Maybe you're waiting for a knuckle sandwich, troll.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

"How long can my W go without sex?"
You can't find the answer to this question. You can only find out "How long can my W go without sex"* with you*?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> "How long can my W go without sex?"
> You can't find the answer to this question. You can only find out "How long can my W go without sex"* with you*?


Careful my friend. He's got a second set of knuckles on his other hand.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MAJDEATH said:


> I hope it is not years until she initiates! What's funny is, according to IC, she never had a lack of initiating with *all of her OM*.


First of all, I have been married 45+ years to the same woman. Unfortunately part of it was in a sex starved marriage. We worked really hard to rebuild that marriage. Everyone is different. It could literally take most or all of a year or more for her to want sex with you. It all depends on you and her. 

I guess what concerns me is you comment about not having an initiation problem with "all her other men." That makes me believe you know that she has been intimate with a number of other men and initiated sex with them. 

So why do you think you are different? Are you the only one she married? Is that the main difference? Are you the only one she has been with for a long time? 

May I suggest the MW Davis book the Sex Starved Marriage. At least it will give you some behavioral options that are under your control in dealing with a Sex Starved Marriage it she doesn't want sex for a long time.

Good luck


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

browser said:


> Careful my friend. He's got a second set of knuckles on his other hand.


It's a veritable buffet up in here.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

The good news is we are back to a normal routine. It was only a temporary setback.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wouldn't you have to know where she's getting it to test how long she can go without?


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