# Low Drive , real problems now :/



## mrscol (Sep 23, 2013)

I dont really know where to start iv never really talked to anyone about this other then my girlfriend , 
So we have been together almost 3 years im her first love and she hasnt been with any other men as she lived with a rather strict dad (not letting her have much of a social life)

So say 6 months into the relationship we tried for the first time (and at the time her sex drive was reasonably high if a little unexperienced) and we managed to get it in all the way but stopped within minutes as it caused her alot of pain, from there we havent ever managed to have actual intercourse again for a year or so after that we just had nothing but bother with it being painfull for her so it ended up we tried less then every 2 months.

During this time i would say most of her sex drive disappeared , and over time it ended up so that because i still had my sex drive i would give her oral/back massages/teasing u name it i like to pride myself on her feeling good but im the only one who initiates anything and never get the favou returned which can be a real killer when theres no sex involved either , so i would say this was up to about 2 years into our relationship. from there i have become more vocal about it as it is having serious effects on me and my personality and even my love for her slightly , just as a side note we are both very in love with each other and talk about the future all the time 

so up until 6 months ago even tho i was more vocal it mostly got pushed to the side again until i eventually became more vocal about it and we try to have sex once every week but it often gets skipped so it can be every 1-3 weeks i still have a rather high sex drive despite all the issues i am highly attracted to my girlfriend, but with her never giving me oral/hj's or teasing me or anythin to make me happy other then the odd dry hump which normally means she finishes and i dont.

Even tho we keep trying to have sex within 5mins of just trying to put it in with any real depth hurts never mind going in and out but it can go in. and truthfully i havent had anyone to talk to about this issue and im all our of ideas 

ps * i am 21 and my girlfriend is 20 (so no age related sex drive issues i dont think)

edit* She is on the injection for birth control and she still has the ability to orgasm through oral.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

You should use dilators and she should be seeing a doctor.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

She needs to see her GYN.


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## mrscol (Sep 23, 2013)

She seems very reluctant to see her doctor even tho iv brought it up on multiple occasions , shes had no good experiences at her doctors in the past. 
We have been considering using dilators for a little while now however shes put off by the fact she would have to do it alone at her own home most of the time(we only see each other friday and saturday) as she doesnt masturbate.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If she won't see her doctor and work on the problems, the relationship can only get worse, not better. I'd set a deadline for taking some positive action, or I'd be gone.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Dating is about mate selection. She isn't mate material as you have expressed an important need and she isn't remotely interested in doing anything about it. Keep looking. What you are seeing from her now is her at her absolute Sunday best. She knows you can just walk at any time and she still isn't showing much interest in what you want. If she has a ring and legal claim to half your property, she'll have even less motivation to keep you happy or interested. Bail.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Yup. It's all downhill from here. You're young and unmarried. Dump her and find someone who cares about what you want. Someone you're compatible with.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Unless you want to live a sexless life I suggest you cut this one loose.

You are so very young.

Is this really want you want?


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

I dont agree with the previous posters. I believe you can make this work. I dont understand what you write about dilators. Why cant she use them alone. Anyway how else do you use them. You try the smaller sizes first until you can use the larger ones. It may take some time but that is really the only way forward and usually works. 

If she is not happy with one doctor perhaps a man she should try another one perhaps a woman. 

Dont give up yet.


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## mrscol (Sep 23, 2013)

I have to agree with the comment above , its not time for me to cut my losses yet me and my girlfriend have a strong connection and after a lengthy discussion today we are going to devote the weekend to just doing as much joint research and talking about everyhing that could be effecting us from the conversation today she is wanting to try anythin and everything at this point , she lives in a bungalow with her grandparents and her bedroom wall is against theirs (and shes fairly noisy) so using a dilator at home shes worried about the awkward conversations with her grandparents about such things


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

Sorry have no idea why using a dilator is such noisy work.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

dude. you are crazy to allow the hood to continue being pulled over your head. 

she has no interest in pleasuring you, even though you work on her and give her orgasms? time to move on. you have plenty of years ahead of you to be sexless, don't start now.

amazingly, women like this suddenly become VERY into sex once they decide they want a baby. too many young fools think their problems are over when this happens, and walk happily into the trap. 

you've been warned by multiple people here living your life 15-20 years in the future. the choice is yours, of course.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

She should talk to a doctor about this. There are conditions that cause painful sex.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

soulsearch said:


> *she has no interest in pleasuring you, even though you work on her and give her orgasms? time to move on. you have plenty of years ahead of you to be sexless, don't start now.*....
> 
> you've been warned by multiple people here living your life 15-20 years in the future. the choice is yours, of course.


My thoughts are ....her sex drive is naturally VERY VERY LOW... it could be due to hormonal birth control though (you mentioned injections)...this can really hamper a woman's sex drive, so they claim.. read up on what she is taking...

.... I was a woman who waited for intercourse till marriage - and it hurt like hell, husband didn't want to hurt me...this was really ticking *me off* so I went to the OBGYN at 3 months ...learned my hymen was very rigid, he was going to schedule me for surgery but I was found pregnant, so couldn't get the surgery- (which scared the hell out of me anyway as a young Bride, how utterly ridiculous this was)...

But anyway..we kept working at it...with the baby growing inside ... and eventually everything was fine and dandy..the breakthrough...then it was great... I know nothing about dilators, never even heard of such things back then. 

BUT here is the thing, I was always horny and always took care of my BF and husband when we weren't having intercourse and I was very anxious to "get it in"....so my feelings are, even if INtercourse is a problem she should still not be able to keep her hands off you, down your pants, and love the touching pleasure, that gives you an indication of her sex drive for sure. 

So I have to agree with the others, this is a huge deal for a man looking to someday marry. This girl is just NOT into sex, NOT into taking care of her man, and It WILL get worse after the vows, if you dare go there... and you will be right back here - posting along with all the others in a sexless marriage...



> *mrscol said: *so up until 6 months ago even tho i was more vocal it mostly got pushed to the side again until i eventually became more vocal about it and w*e try to have sex once every week but it often gets skipped so it can be every 1-3 weeks i still have a rather high sex drive despite all the issues* i am highly attracted to my girlfriend, but with her never giving me oral/hj's or teasing me or anythin to make me happy other then the odd dry hump which normally means she finishes and i dont.


 You are LOOKING at your future right here.....sex maybe twice a month if you are lucky .. This is just not OK... you are a MAN...you need to let her go.... find another because although sex may be less than 10% of a relationship, when you are rejected, left craving like mad.... you become a miserable desperate man who will be building a mountain of resentment , other women will start looking REAL GOOD. temptation rearing it's ugly head.... and it will be 90% of your issues...you will regret you didn't listen to wise advice....

Listen to those who have been there..you need a woman who understands your needs and CARES about them at the very least.... Avoid this desperate fate... We all deserve to be sexually fulfilled, it's a vital part of marriage... living... keeps us very happy..and feeling loved.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

are you extremly large? do you use some kind of lube?

will she give you oral or hand jobs as you guys work to figure this out together?

if she just say I can't it hurts and not trying to please you other ways then I think shes playing games. 

I wouldn't waste too much more of your time with this like others have said maybe it time to shuffle on down the road.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

20's? Not married and already having issues with intimacy? 

Look, there at 6 billion on this earth and you really have to be delusional to think you will pick right the first time you try. You are not getting any younger and you are wasting your precious youth on something that might not really pan out. 20's is for dating and getting your career set, not for dealing with relationship issues that could most likely become chronic and long term.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Hung like a five dollar footlong or something? 

If not that then as others have said its obgyn time. If Doc says everthing is a-ok down there, then its all in her head. Somehow you need to get her to relax so you guys can actually "do it". 

And hell even then Im not so sure. No hj or bjs? As others have said, not a good sign of things to come.

So its doctor time AND big time talk about whether all of this is because of insecurities and nervousness about sex. And after that talk, put her hand on your junk and have some fun. 

If she cant do at least that? You better have the patience of a saint my friend. Because that means you have a couple feet of titanium reinforced sexually conservative shell to break through.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

The only issue that I see that lends me more towards the "break up camp" is her unwillingness to please you in other ways.

The sex needs to get fixed, not for you or the relationship but for her and her health. That's not normal.

But it's also not normal for a woman who loves her BF to not want to please him. You talk about being left "hanging" if you will. She's taken care of and nothing is done for you? There's something bigger than just discomfort.


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