# messenger



## asgdf (Sep 22, 2013)

Hi,
I want to see what my wife does on messenger and whatsapp. I can not instal spyware at this time. But I frequently have access to her phone. I have her facebook password. She had an affair and said I could do whatever I needed to do to access her information. We may spend two or three months apart later this year and facebook messenger was her tool of choice for the last affair. I want to access it on my phone without her knowledge (but with the general permission she gave to do whatever I needed.) I'd prefer to do it without removing my own messenger stuff since I use it for work. I am ok with buying a new phone if that is the only choice.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

If she does plan on engaging in similar activities, she's not going to use a program you have the password to. Even if she could just delete the messages, she runs the risk of you seeing them first. There are many other options, email, text, Whatsapp which is the more popular messaging application. If she does use WhatsApp, you better get on that. You won't be able to log into hers on your phone but you can get web access without her knowing.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Go to her unprompted, hold out your hand...

"I need to see your phone."

Browse her Facebook. 

Is not hard. If she cheated you're holding her to her word to be truly transparent. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. 

If you can't feel confident to do the above, then she is not remorseful and you probably don't have a marriage any longer. If she fights you instead of plopping the phone in your hand, you know then that she is not remorseful and you probably don't have a marriage any longer. 

If you're trying to just gather evidence without her knowledge and the above isn't relevant, search for the standard evidence post, which might be helpful.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Here is the truth, cheaters are sneaky, and if they want to cheat they will , yes you can install cameras and VARs, you can install software, you can install GPS, but if they really want to cheat they will....there is most likely an app, or burner phone or some other device they can use....when the trust is gone rebuilding can only work if she is dedicated to you and the marriage and not because of the children or some obligation, but because she loves you deeply, and completely remorseful.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You could run multiple browsers on your phone. In theory you could access your messages on one and her messages on the other?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

If she _knows_ you're looking then there's almost no point in looking.

Still, if you just _want_ to punish yourself...

Given your history, I'd insist that she uninstall WhatsApp and delete the account. Same goes for any other ephemeral messenging apps (Snapchat, Kik, Viber, Line, etc).

Same goes for you.

How far apart will you be?

What kind of phone does she use?

What kind of phone do you use?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Satya said:


> *Go to her unprompted, hold out your hand...
> 
> "I need to see your phone."
> 
> ...


That's the only real way to do it.

It's like a random, "Hi, nice to meet you, go to the bathroom and piss in this right now" drug test vs a pre-scheduled drug test.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Having already been caught in one episode of cheating in the scope of your marriage, she should know all too well that any further improprietorious act could be her last! She should already be on a 24/7 schedule of surrendering her phone and social media devices to you upon demand and without hesitation!

If not, then you are far more trusting than I could ever hope to be! *


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

This is no way to live.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Start here. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

Search "how not to get caught" 

Do not let her know!! Whoever told her she will find new/better (gage) ways not to get caught is right. 

Read this thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/363682-back-after-7-years.html. And ask yourself how does your reconcioation compare? Anything less is an issue - resolve them or divorce.


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## TXDude (Jun 3, 2016)

There is NO way to catch her. She can install a messaging app when she leaves the house and then delete the app before she gets home. There is NO way to catch her, unless she is dumb. What my STBXWW said she would do to save the marriage is to get off all social media and not use a smartphone, she would use a phone that you can only text and call on. 

However the trust was gone, she put me through too much pain, I will never forgive her and I will never trust her again. 

You need to ask yourself if you want to live a life where you have to check on your wife 24/7 so she doesn't cheat again. Doesn't sound like a good life if you ask me.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Is this really what you want to do? With the rest of your life too? Life is too short to waste time on people you cannot trust. gtfo


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