# How to regain trust???



## luvmykids (Oct 8, 2010)

How can you regain turst from a person whom you feel like has never told the truth...My husband was caught lying and fessed up to it all...my only problem is that I was once so easily convinced that he was telling the turth when in fact he was having afairs.

He is doing the best to keep our marriage afloat, however I have my doubts. Does everyone have these doubts after an afair? And if they do for how long? How long will this pain last? 

I thought that I could'nt live without him, even after all that he had done, but I think that sticking it out is just as painful. 

He comes home early, spends much more time than ever before with us. I think he probably thinks how much more could he do to prove to gain his trust. 

Exacatly how long does it take to regain trust? He cheated on me once when I was pregnant, six years later I'm pregnant again, this hurst and sits on my mind on a daily basis.


----------



## 123456 (Oct 11, 2010)

From what I have heard, it can take years...I am myself hoping it doesn't take forever


----------



## pacmouse (Nov 27, 2008)

I was wondering the same thing. 

I don't know if it is worth trying. The pain is so bad.


----------



## schmuck (Oct 9, 2010)

I am too currently in the same situation of trust. Totally sucks. From what i have read. It really has to be earned all over again. Lots of work etc. I am debating just moving on, but we have 2kids and a great social life. Makes it more complicated. I have already come to the conclusion that unless she makes serious life altering changes, I dont want to go thru the pain.


----------



## Sadara (Jul 27, 2010)

I'm in the same boat you are, still trying to learn how to trust my husband again. I'm sure it can be done, but it's going to be awhile, that much I know. And though he wants me to trust him now, I think he is finally realizing just how much he destroyed that trust and how much he is going to have to do to work to repair it.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

It all depends on the amount of work you guys put into it. My H cheated also, but I didn't find out until 18 months later. He also was very convincing, and I had no clue about what he was doing. It really throws you into a deep level of mistrust. Here we are, about a year later and I am doing a lot better with my trust issues with him. He has put in a lot of work, we have communicated openly and clearly, and we have each others passwords and access to everything. For the sake of proving no more secrets. Am I back at 100% trust? No, but I would guess I am at about 85%. The last 10% I may not get back for years to come, but you have to remember that if you want him/her to try to regain your trust, you have to give them a reason to. 

Example being that they have to know that you want to work at the marriage also, and you have to be openly communicating and willing to hear them out when they feel their needs aren't being met.


----------



## luvmykids (Oct 8, 2010)

Thanks everyone for replying...it really does suck that their are others in my situation because never in a million years would I want anyone to feel the pain I feel. But it does bring some comfort to know that I'm not the only one. Yesterday was a hard day for me thats why I wrote this. He came home early and saw that I had been crying, he asked what was wrong and I told him it was about us, that I wasn't trying to start a fight or bring up the past but everything just got to me yesterday. He made me feel better by telling me he understood that I was still upset and that he's not expecting my pain to just go away anytime soon. He told me we would work on "us" and just held me why I cried. I love this man with all my heart, and this is just one of the reasons why. He is the only person I can cry on and make me feel like everythings alright. At the same time the pain is still there, and when he's gone I feel like a piece of me is missing. I pray that the past be the past and we can move on with our future, It has been a rough road but even after nine years we are finding out so much more about each others than anyone would have guessed. Days like yesterday make me come closer to him..even if its just a centermeter at a time.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I think its wonderful that he reassured you and was there for you. He is working towards making your marriage better, and those are the right steps to be taking! I know its heartbreaking honey, I really do. Bad days do start to fade slowly, and you will have more good then bad at some point. But you have to want it also. Nothing wrong with letting him know you are having a bad day, so he CAN help you through it. I just tell my H, "hey, I am having a bad day, can you be really touchy feely with me" and he responds with what I need. 

The love between you two is still there, and you can build off of that so much! I know it might not feel like it, but it can start getting better!


----------



## TooTired (Jul 26, 2010)

Even one centimeter at a time IS progress. I feel the same way. The one person who can help with my pain, is the same person who caused it.  Try to find something positive to think about when those bad days come. It just takes time seems like for me after the first couple months it does get easier, ( but I am by no means an expert)!


----------



## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

Well i dunno, it's been about 8 months since my dh cheated...we're staying together and working it out...but i hurt so bad deep inside. he also cheated on me while i was pregnant, it's horrible because now anytime i think about my pregnancy or hell even someone elses pregnancy i think about his cheating... i love him, and i admit he's trying to prove himself but like you i wonder if he just "got better" at lying. i mean, it's simple to create an anonymous email or facebook account, you can even set up facebook to where people can't search for you unless YOU contact them so yea i find myself constantly worrying. every time he gets a phone call or text my stomach is in knots.


----------



## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

It takes a long time. And it also depends on what happened, how often, and how you found out. For example, I never did forgive and trust my ex because he kept doing it over and over again, and I never found out from him; always from someone or sometihng else. 

But if he came clean/comes clean, and continues to be forthcoming and honest, and does whatever he can to prove to you that he can be trusted, that will help you get trust back sooner. It will still take a long time, but it'll happen.


----------



## diane (Oct 3, 2010)

I feel the same pain and it is not going away 
Even though I had no evidence when I read that text message on his cellphone, he kept denying that the msg was from him and is still... He is not being honest to me and that makes me feel like the wall between us is growing even more. 
Right now, I am back and forth...Sometimes I feel optimistic seeing him caring and pleasing me and some other times, I am just exhausted and desperate and I think that with his attitude, I can never trust him again.
Oh and by the way, I am pregnant and the incident happened few months after we got married!!!! That is really bad.


----------

