# Do I stop or keep going when I think she's coming?



## Jaydog82 (Jun 8, 2019)

So my wife wants to be tied up. Said it is kinda hot and jus makes her horny thinking about being controlled. U see on flicks that some girls squirt when u jus keep playing and rubbing their clits. I love the idea of that. But being first time trying this what would be good rule or idea to keep in mind? I don't wanna ruin this opportunity.


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## 1RedKing (Jun 3, 2016)

Take care. It can be a fantactic part of play & sexuality but done wrong or poorly can cause actual trauma & nerve damage.
Keep things light & playful to begin with, always use a safe word & have a quick out I.e. safety shears to cut ropes &/or restraints.
Discuss what you two are going to do before you do it so no-one gets an unwelcome surprise. It doesn't have to be a cold academic discussion it can be part of the foreplay I.e. 
I think it would be so hot if you would.... 
I want to tie you spread eagle to the bed and .....with... while you..... and then.....
One other important thing to do is to be ok with the other persons limits & desires. They might be interested in something you're not comfortable with or vice versa. If they're open to sharing these things with you appreciate the trust & vulnerability this might have taken.
+ use lube. Lube is everyone's friend.

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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

I tie my g/f up all the time and make her squirt all the time. However, we have anything but a vanilla sex life. Making her squirt has nothing to do with tying her up but how about you stimulate her in order to make her squirt. She also has to be completely comfortable with you in order to do it. There is nothing better than soaking the sheets though I can tell you that. We have hooks and stuff in our bedroom and when people come over they often ask why are there hooks in your ceiling. We also have sex silhouette pictures hanging behind our bed and we just point to them. haha Everyone is different

I recommend getting an under the mattress restraint set. Super easy to set up and secures them well but still comfortable. It is super easy to adjust the tension on it and it's super sexy. Communicate through it and when you're done hold her and kiss her and tell her how much you love her and how much fun you had experimenting with her. In the BDSM world this is called aftercare.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Have a safeword. Talk beforehand about what she wants (not immediately beforehand so its still a surprise).

Play gently at first, in later sessions you can do more.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Jaydog82 said:


> So my wife wants to be tied up.


The first thing you need to wrap your head around is being "topped from the bottom." This is a sub that wants to control her dom. If she really wants you to be in control she would be doing the things YOU want to do that she does not like. In this scenario she is controlling you by making you control her in the exact ways that she wants to be controlled. In reality she gets off on the illusion she creates of allowing you to "think" you are the one in control. 

As long as you accept you are the actual subdominant in this relationship and that she is in control, it will be a lot less confusing. 

Hope that helps, 
Badsanta


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

IMHO "topping from the bottom" is fine. BDSM is a game - so whatever floats each persons boat is fine. 

Some "subs" really do want a very specific controlled scene. All OK as long as the overall sexual relationship feels balanced. 



badsanta said:


> The first thing you need to wrap your head around is being "topped from the bottom." This is a sub that wants to control her dom. If she really wants you to be in control she would be doing the things YOU want to do that she does not like. In this scenario she is controlling you by making you control her in the exact ways that she wants to be controlled. In reality she gets off on the illusion she creates of allowing you to "think" you are the one in control.
> 
> As long as you accept you are the actual subdominant in this relationship and that she is in control, it will be a lot less confusing.
> 
> ...


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

There is a website called fet life that is most helpful.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Ok, first things first: safety. Whoever mentioned the possibility of nerve damage is correct, and there are other safety issues as well.

I would recommend doing some research about bondage and safety practices. Always make sure that you have a pair of safety shears nearby and ready. I would recommend attending a beginner's rope workshop (many local BDSM communities have educational gatherings on technique and safety for damn near everything), and/or read up and learn how to tie safely and how to recognize potential signs of distress (emotional and/or physical) in your partner.

I know all the prep isn't necessarily sexy, but neither is potentially causing bodily injury to your spouse.

The under-bed restraint system is a good recommendation for starting out. You find a lot of inexpensive items on Amazon, but they also tend to be cheaply made and may break easily. There is a great selection of people who hand craft high quality equipment within the BDSM community, and where I live there is a venue that hosts a vendor fair showcasing these craftspeople multiple times a year. It's not cheap, but you pay for quality.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Oh, and in regards to your initial question... keep going. Women are multi-orgasmic. Initially, tease it out to build up to her first O, and then keep going after that and see what happens 

Just be prepared, because one you do that, you won't be allowed to go back to the old once and done thing anymore, LOL

I had an ex BF who would never stop at just the first O. After some time to build up to this, we got to the point where most of the time he would keep going until I had to beg him to stop because I couldn't take any more. It was like a game to see how long I could last. A very fun game.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Some women can multi-O. There are some who can't or who really (Not in a play way) don't want continued stimulation after they O. 





FeministInPink said:


> Oh, and in regards to your initial question... keep going. Women are multi-orgasmic. Initially, tease it out to build up to her first O, and then keep going after that and see what happens
> 
> Just be prepared, because one you do that, you won't be allowed to go back to the old once and done thing anymore, LOL
> 
> I had an ex BF who would never stop at just the first O. After some time to build up to this, we got to the point where most of the time he would keep going until I had to beg him to stop because I couldn't take any more. It was like a game to see how long I could last. A very fun game.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'm sure you already know, certain spots right after each O can be too sensitive to keep touching, for a short time.

Then start building for the next one if that's in your personalized game plan.

The whole body can be an erogenous zone, don't just focus on one "common" spot. 😉.

Do what she likes but assert yourself too, include some things that you like, are a surprise to her. 

Take the whole experience 360 x 360.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> I had an ex BF who would never stop at just the first O. After some time to build up to this, we got to the point where most of the time he would keep going until I had to beg him to stop because I couldn't take any more. It was like a game to see how long I could last. A very fun game.





uhtred said:


> Some women can multi-O. There are some who can't or who really (Not in a play way) don't want continued stimulation after they O.


A woman that is multi orgasmic will want to stop at some point because of physical exhaustion, even though it still feels good. A woman that is not multi orgasmic will want to stop because it is physically overstimulating because it is like being tickled.

If you compare male multiple orgasms and POT (post orgasm torture) I think it works the same way. Before a man gives a women multiple orgasms, it is probably wise that he experience those for himself (yes it can be done) to learn and recognize the difference. Male multiple orgasms are like running a marathon as an incline gradually gets steeper and steeper. At some point you just can't keep going and it is a difficult thing to judge because each one is more heightened than the previous. Kinda like a ninja warp wall!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Jaydog82 said:


> So my wife wants to be tied up. Said it is kinda hot and jus makes her horny thinking about being controlled. U see on flicks that some girls squirt when u jus keep playing and rubbing their clits. I love the idea of that. But being first time trying this what would be good rule or idea to keep in mind? I don't wanna ruin this opportunity.



First things first: get an umbrella ☔ 
All this squirting, might otherwise get a little disconcerting....












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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

uhtred said:


> Some women can multi-O. There are some who can't or who really (Not in a play way) don't want continued stimulation after they O.


Excellent point, thanks for adding.

OP, if your wife isn't the multi-orgasmic kind (the second example @uhtred mentions, you might want to try edging with her instead of continuing after orgasm.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

badsanta said:


> A woman that is multi orgasmic will want to stop at some point because of physical exhaustion, even though it still feels good. A woman that is not multi orgasmic will want to stop because it is physically overstimulating because it is like being tickled.
> 
> If you compare male multiple orgasms and POT (post orgasm torture) I think it works the same way. Before a man gives a women multiple orgasms, it is probably wise that he experience those for himself (yes it can be done) to learn and recognize the difference. Male multiple orgasms are like running a marathon as an incline gradually gets steeper and steeper. At some point you just can't keep going and it is a difficult thing to judge because each one is more heightened than the previous. Kinda like a ninja warp wall!


Yeah, physical exhaustion is the stopping point. Being on the receiving end, it literally exhausts all your muscles.

Good points, all of it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> OP, if your wife isn't the multi-orgasmic kind (the second example @uhtred mentions, you might want to try edging with her instead of continuing after orgasm.


A fascinating thing about edging for men is that if it is done well and long enough it can override and cancel out the refractory period. That is a different kind of male multiple orgasm than described before. For those it is as if the edging is the climbing up the mountain part and the orgasms can just be relaxed wave after wave of gliding back down to the bottom of the mountain. (perhaps resting a moment on a ledge to enjoy the view before continuing). 

I however have no idea what edging does to the female orgasm. Just brings back memories of one of my college girlfriends that would get really ANGRY with me for trying to edge her. She would insist that once she got close that if she did not go ahead and go for it that it would just go away and NOT come back. I kind of saw that play out a few times and now have had PTSD when it comes to female edging. Last thing any guy wants is a very aroused and angry female that can't orgasm!!!!!

So edging may NOT be for everyone. 

Badsanta


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Velcro restraints are a beginners best friend.

If she becomes overstimulated then trying to continue will not be pleasing for her.

If in her past she has always been a one and done girl then that isn't likely to change.

Looonnnggg ssllloooooowww build up will be a good friend.

Sensory stimulation is key not necessarily orgasm focus.

If what YOU want is her multiple O then giving her some refractory time will help. Long sessions of mesage and touch play in between. 

Buy one of those feather cat toys, something that vibrates, and a couple of those roller things that people use for sore muscles. Lavender essential oil and the right music. Cheerleader pom Poms feel nice too 😉


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Jaydog82 said:


> So my wife wants to be tied up. Said it is kinda hot and jus makes her horny thinking about being controlled. U see on flicks that some girls squirt when u jus keep playing and rubbing their clits. I love the idea of that. But being first time trying this what would be good rule or idea to keep in mind? I don't wanna ruin this opportunity.


Classes! If you can take classes on how to do the types of play that interest you. Many local kink groups offer such or know where some are held. Taking a class also usually means you learn about the safety aspects.

Another thing to look for, especially if you think you want to expand your.... repertoire, is a play check list. There are a large number.of various formats out there. You can each fill them out and then compare notes. Sometimes it's easier to start writing something and then discussing it from there.

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

badsanta said:


> If she really wants you to be in control she would be doing the things YOU want to do *that she does not like*.


The heck, dude?!? That is utter BS. Not to say that there are not those that want to be made to do things they don't like (which is a kink in and of itself), but it is hardly universal. Not even a majority. It is this idea that I and other educators and leaders have been trying to squash for years, because it leads to more abused subs than satisfied ones. Again, yes there are those who do want to be made.to do things they don't like. I am a switch and within the context of subbing, I do enjoy it myself, but it has limits. Hard limits. Maybe it was poor word choice on your part, but your statement seems to imply that a sub doesn't get a say in what doesn't happen to them.

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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> The heck, dude?!? That is utter BS. Not to say that there are not those that want to be made to do things they don't like (which is a kink in and of itself), but it is hardly universal. Not even a majority. It is this idea that I and other educators and leaders have been trying to squash for years, because it leads to more abused subs than satisfied ones. Again, yes there are those who do want to be made.to do things they don't like. I am a switch and within the context of subbing, I do enjoy it myself, but it has limits. Hard limits. Maybe it was poor word choice on your part, *but your statement seems to imply that a sub doesn't get a say in what doesn't happen to them.*
> 
> Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


My comment was in reference to topping from the bottom.

Sexuality does not play by democratic rules of fairness and equality. While I do agree with what you are saying, it can be difficult to understand a subdominant that is actually being the one to dominate the dominate partner. It isn't about what doesn't happen, but more so about what does happen. 

So if a subdominant person has a list of things they like and desire, like being tied up and edged... One could argue that forcing the dominant person to carry that out in the exact way that the subdominant person requested it is NOT being subdominant at all. Perhaps the dominant person wants to be the one that is tied up and make the subdominant person do all the work. THAT would be something a subdominant person might not like, but it would make them better understand their own neediness and how they don't understand how to be submissive.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I see what you are saying santa, everyone is different especially in thought. You hit this out of the park.


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