# wife is verbally abusive



## xanadu96 (Oct 12, 2012)

married 5 years, together 10, with 2y/o. we are both unhappy with each other. she gets verbally abusive when angry and I shut down to keep from further escalating fights.this has been going on primarily after child was born. There is no intimacy as I was told I had to have a Vasectomy a few months after child was born. I have not had it done as I did not want to close that door on my life so soon. Wife though child was autistic for about a year and lashed out at me many many times that I did not support her. I never thought the child was and thought we should let it develop normally. We have had several evaluations done and none were suspecting of anything. She called me many names, told me she didn't want to live. Told me I made her want to kill herself. I heard she wanted to leave, divorce, hated me, so many many times. She got so histerical about it. Fast forward later, child is fine. We are just not the same anymore. Still are not having sex, last time was a year ago and 3 total times in 2 years. We do not talk much, unless it is related to our child. I am not sure there is anything there anymore. I still here the mean things from her mouth and I think I have had enough. 

I have not been an ideal husband to her. I do not communicate well. I do not know how to handle times when she gets histerical about things. I try to calm her down, but usually make things worse. Seems like whenever I open my mouth, it has an adverse effect. I feel this has led me to be very shut off over the past 2 years. There were hints of this prior to birth of child, but I think I just overlooked them. I am not sure I can keep going in a miserable marriage. We are roommates. I do not want to hurt our child. Wife does not work and cares for the child. I do not know what to do.


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

xanadu96 said:


> married 5 years, together 10, with 2y/o. we are both unhappy with each other. she gets verbally abusive when angry and I shut down to keep from further escalating fights.this has been going on primarily after child was born. There is no intimacy as I was told I had to have a Vasectomy a few months after child was born. I have not had it done as I did not want to close that door on my life so soon. Wife though child was autistic for about a year and lashed out at me many many times that I did not support her. I never thought the child was and thought we should let it develop normally. We have had several evaluations done and none were suspecting of anything. She called me many names, told me she didn't want to live. Told me I made her want to kill herself. I heard she wanted to leave, divorce, hated me, so many many times. She got so histerical about it. Fast forward later, child is fine. We are just not the same anymore. Still are not having sex, last time was a year ago and 3 total times in 2 years. We do not talk much, unless it is related to our child. I am not sure there is anything there anymore. I still here the mean things from her mouth and I think I have had enough.
> 
> I have not been an ideal husband to her. I do not communicate well. I do not know how to handle times when she gets histerical about things. I try to calm her down, but usually make things worse. Seems like whenever I open my mouth, it has an adverse effect. I feel this has led me to be very shut off over the past 2 years. There were hints of this prior to birth of child, but I think I just overlooked them. I am not sure I can keep going in a miserable marriage. We are roommates. I do not want to hurt our child. Wife does not work and cares for the child. I do not know what to do.


Serve her with divorce papers. She needs to go get a job too. She's sitting around with idle time thinking of ways to make you and herself miserable.


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## ileft (May 3, 2013)

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Was everything fine before the baby? Or was she verbally abusive then as well?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

It sounds to me like she went through a crazy post natal depression. Did she seek help? You cannot continue like this, what a miserable existence.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Anuvia said:


> Serve her with divorce papers. She needs to go get a job too. She's sitting around with idle time thinking of ways to make you and herself miserable.


:iagree:


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## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

Dude - what do YOU WANT?

You are blaming her for your unhappinness. You can't control her, you can control you. The situation sucks but you have the power to change it.

Do you want to try to save or rebuild the marriage? If so tell you wife this. Ask if she wants to as well. If she does find a MC and start counseling. If she doesn't then you have your answer. Move on to the next phase of your life. 

Good luck.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Of course you don't communicate well when your being verbally abused. It's a no win situation. You have a choice to make and if you want to be abused, then stay. If not either get her the help she needs and if she refuses then your only other option is divorce. No one should have to be abused in any manner. IMO words can hurt worse then being physically abused.


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