# The 180 Failure Thread.



## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Hi Everyone, 

I have been seperated from my wife for about 6 months. We married young and had a child that is now 3.5 years old. We are both 24 and 22.

We seperated because we lacked communication. We we're constantly fighting while living with her parents and we were always both really stressed out and took it out on each other.

Anyways she has been seeing a new guy since i left back in september. From the looks in sounds of everything, it appears that they are pretty serious and he plays and hangs out with my child a lot. 

Anyways, I havent been real nice to the wife since i left way back in september. Even though i asked her on several time if she wanted to try and make this marriage work. She always insisited that if i really wanted to try that i would need to try and be her friend first, and that she wasnt going to end it with this new guy because she didnt have much faith in my trying to work on the marriage.

Now, i know i wasnt the greatest husband. Hell, i wasnt even a good father. I've grown up so much since this seperation, and cherish i am 100x a better father than i was well we were still married.

Anyways, back to the thread title... I deicded to start the 180 plan. I didn't pick up her phone calls when she called, i ignored her text messages. I told her if she wanted to talk to me and it was about our child to leave me a message and i would get back to her. Basically just cut her completley out of my life. Well that made not only pissed her off, but that made her hate me. Her parents hate me, and her family hate me. I don't think the 180 plan is for everyone.

I asked her one last night if she was willing to try and work on this marriage and at least sit down for one session at a marriage counciler to see if theres is a possibility in fixing this. A

Am i wasting my time with everything because shes still seeing this new guy? Should i just move on even though i think shes the love of my life?

Eh


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

paperclip said:


> I asked her one last night if she was willing to try and work on this marriage and at least sit down for one session at a marriage counciler to see if theres is a possibility in fixing this.


What was her response to that?

As long as she's got another guy in the picture, you can't recover your marriage.

So you need to tell her what you want and are willing to do and leave the ball in her court.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> What was her response to that?
> 
> As long as she's got another guy in the picture, you can't recover your marriage.
> 
> So you need to tell her what you want and are willing to do and leave the ball in her court.


She said she would be willing to go to once. I've told her that that even though i am trying to move on i would be willing to try anything in order to save our marriage. I also told her once the divorce is final that would be the last straw.

She was unfaithful in the marriage which caused fighting and a lot of ignoreing each other. However, i realised that i had my own faults in the marriage and have been attending councling by my self and have grown a lot since then. 

I think the guy shes seeing now was an inital rebound relationship that grew as they hung out with each other. She says that shes happy where her life is right now but a few months ago she was saying she didnt know what she wanted.

Is that a clear sign to just let her be free. She's acting like the girl i fell in love with 5 years ago.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

paperclip said:


> She said she would be willing to go to once. I've told her that that even though i am trying to move on i would be willing to try anything in order to save our marriage. I also told her once the divorce is final that would be the last straw.


Good for you for telling her that. That means she knows where you stand. * would c aution you if she is telling you will only go to one MC w/ you. Good for you for getting IC.

Take her up on her offer for the MC. Schedule and go. Reiterate that you want to save your marriage and are willing to do any/everything for that. Tell her you will not live in an open marriage and that means no third parties involved. Tell her if she can't give you 100%, then you will take appropriate measures up to and including filing for divorce. Protect yourself.

Is the guy she's with now the one she cheated on you with? Does everyone know she is dating the new guy or is that a secret only she and you know? If it 's a secret, expose it to people close to her. 

Little story: A few months back after my husband and I'd been to court re: our divorce, I started hanging out with another guy. My husband became very jealous and called me and told me that we could work on our marriage, if I'd end all contact with the other guy. Guess what: I did. If she wants to work it out with you, she will. If not, retreive with dignity and protect yourself.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I've already asked her to work on our marriage but she would have to end all contact with the new guy. She told me she couldn't put in 100% and that it wasn't fair to me.

No one really knows about the affiar and no, this new guy is not the guy that she cheated on me with. He was the first guy she talked to after i initaily got fed up and left her parents house. (we were living with her parents)

Exposing the affiar will only make the possiblity of reconcialtion near 0%. The guy she is dating now knows she was unfaithful, but im sure she justified it in some way to him. 

Is she only agreeing to try MC because she doesn't want to hurt me and thinks thats a way to justify her guilt?


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

Get a girlfriend who's hot....even if you have to pay a little $$, see how that bangs her wagon. LOL Just a little humor...don't mind me.
Mouse


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

She called and had to ask me a question about our child and before she hung up, i told her i had a question about last night. 

I asked her " Are you going to MC because there is a possibility this could work out, or are you going for me"

Her reply was "im going for you"


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Actually, Smack. You are dead on. She WILL get jealous if she knows you are with someone else. Women are just as territorial as men.



paperclip said:


> I've already asked her to work on our marriage but she would have to end all contact with the new guy. She told me she couldn't put in 100% and that it wasn't fair to me.


What do you think about that? How does that make you feel?

If she can't give you 100%, you need to decide if you want to keep hanging onto someone who doesn't want to be with you.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

It makes me feel terrible. But then she will call me when shes upset and vent to me. Giving me false hope. I think i push her to much. 

I feel since we married so young and we never really lived on our own before. It was a big big mistake. Throw a child into the mix and it made things 10x worse. I've grown up a lot in the past 6 months. I take care of myself and finally realise my faults in the marriage. 

I told her I tould take her back up until the divorce is final as long as she was willing to put in her 100%


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

paperclip said:


> I think i push her to much.
> 
> I feel since we married so young and we never really lived on our own before. It was a big big mistake. Throw a child into the mix and it made things 10x worse. I've grown up a lot in the past 6 months. I take care of myself and finally realise my faults in the marriage.
> 
> I told her I tould take her back up until the divorce is final as long as she was willing to put in her 100%


So stop pushing. Right now, you are her doormat. You are the one she can call and tell her problems too while she is boffing some other dude (most likely). Stand up, dude. Be a man. You want 100% and she isn't willing to give it. 

Do you want to stay in limbo? Or do you want to get your self-respect and let her know you don't accept the crumbs she is offering you. She is treating you the way people treat their "friends"--that friend who is always there no matter what.

She will not respect you until you let her know where you stand. A woman will not love a man she doesn't respect.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Smackdown said:


> Get a girlfriend who's hot....even if you have to pay a little $$, see how that bangs her wagon. LOL Just a little humor...don't mind me.
> Mouse


Choked on my tea!! I wouldn't condone that action of course..


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Thank you for your quick and helpful responces Jellybeans.

I feel shes already made her decision. She's been seeing this guy for almost 6 months now so either way its a loose loose situation for her. If she breaks up with him to try and save her marriage the new friends she has gained through this kid will probably stop talking to her. 

If she decided to go through with the divorce, then she looses me and risks having this guy walk out on her when he decides the idea of being a full time step parent isn't in the picture. Right now they don't live together. She lives with her parents and he lives with his. They can go out, spend their money on each other and just have fun. Their relationship hasnt been tested the waters of living together or paying bills/ full time step parent.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

paperclip said:


> If she decided to go through with the divorce, then she looses me and risks having this guy walk out on her when he decides the idea of being a full time step parent isn't in the picture. .


And that will be her problem, not yours. Her choices will beget consequences. Not for you to worry about.



paperclip said:


> Right now they don't live together. She lives with her parents and he lives with his. They can go out, spend their money on each other and just have fun. Their relationship hasnt been tested the waters of living together or paying bills/ full time step parent.


Well yeah. She's in "fantasy" mode right now. The beginning is always great. You don't have bills to pay, laundry to do, arguments, the day to day grind. But again, that is her problem, not yours.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

She has everything right now. 

Her father cooks dinner for her and our child every night.
She pays no rent or utilites
She "pays" her car payment but i think her grandparents paid it off for her
She pays her insurance
She pays daycare, but she is taking her outta daycare in the summer.

I have been giving her close to 800 a month in child support. Advised by my attorney to do so. She refused to do 50/50 custody because i work a full 40 hour a week job. 

You're absolutley right! Even if she still loved me, she has everything she needs. This guy takes her out to dinner, buys her things and she has no bills. 

You made me feel a little better!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Just because she refuses something doesn't make it so. You can certainly state in writing you want 50/50 custody if you disagree with what she wants. 

Paperclip--it's true. She has not faced a "real" relationship wtih the new guy. Right now it's all fun and games w/o real life. If she wants out, it's her loss.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Paperclip--it's true. She has not faced a "real" relationship wtih the new guy. Right now it's all fun and games w/o real life. If she wants out, it's her loss.


Couldn't agree more, she's in her 'affair fog' where the grass seems soooooo much greener, because it's all new and exciting.. she's not having to pick up his dirty boxers off the floor or put up with his belching and farting yet!


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Did i forget to mention that the dude shes seeing now is in the military and could be deployed for 8 months at a time starting in as early as January? 

My wife needs that constant emotion and there is no way she will be able to handle a military life.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

How do i know if shes moved on emotionley or if shes in the fog?

Do i just get some spine and just move on?


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Paperclip, I don't think anyone can answer that but her  I know it's not what you want to hear at all.. and you are desperate for answers (aren't we all) 

Only you know how you feel, I wish I had the balls to just move on, but I know I am not ready and now I am pretty sure I'll be getting divorced *sigh*


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Thanks, Amimad!

I think shes still in the "fog" because she thinks that her life is all of sudden perfect without the burden of being married. With this guy buying her presents just because and taking her out to eat. Shes loving life. 

I asked her if she understands shes throwing away her family and her responce is " Our child will grow up happy and fine in two homes" Now that may be true, but instead of having the possibility of raising a child in one home. she decided its fine to raise her in two.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

We have 3 children, 8,7 and 4, my H seems to think the same thing..when he left he thought he was in love and everything was fabulous... cept she was in Australia and us in the UK.. he went off to see her and decided he was going to leave our children live there and see them once a year if that... until.. the OW decided to go back to her H...

Anyways.. I've asked the same question.. they don't have a clue do they, I just hope and pray reality will just hit them one day and it wont be too late...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

When did she meet the guy she is currently dating? 

Was there any overlapping w/ your relationship?

As for knowing when to hang on or move on--only you can decide. But I can tell you, limbo sucks. Totally. So if someone has told you they aren't willing to work on the relationship/marriage, the faster you get moving, the better.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Jellybeans, 

She begin seeing him about two weeks after i moved out of her parents house. This wasnt the guy she had the original affiar with. This guy was there for her to talk to right after i left. Then they hung out and then became friends then they started spending all their time together. Pretty soon pictures blew up of them always kissing and hugging on facebook.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How does she know him? 

Oh Paper, I didn't know about the kissing and hugging all over the very public Facebook. Yep, I'd say it's time for you to move on.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

How does she know him? He was friends with her sibling that took his own life. He posted pictures of himself and her brother on his facebook wall and thats how they started talking.

Shes very clingy, When we first started dating she was very controlling on what my facebook picture default had to be.


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## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Paper, I feel for you bud. I have to concur with JB that this does not bode well for the future, but regardless work on what is in your control. You.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Well, we talked on the phone last night. She told me that her heart right now was def set on divorce and theres nothing that will change her mind.

Do I end all hope or do i just move on.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You move on.

Choosing hope at this point is choosing denial.

Do not choose someone that does not choose you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hope is always the last to die. 



paperclip said:


> Well, we talked on the phone last night. She told me that her heart right now was def set on divorce and theres nothing that will change her mind.
> 
> Do I end all hope or do i just move on.





Deejo said:


> You move on.
> 
> Choosing hope at this point is choosing denial.
> 
> Do not choose someone that does not choose you.


SPOT ON, DEEJO! 

She doesn't want to be married to you, tough as that is to hear. The sooner you detach and move on, the better for you. If she has agreed to 50/50 custody, get it in writing as soon as possible and move on with your life.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Thank you everyone for the fast and helpfull responces. I am going to try an detach my self. However, i am sure if she decided that she wanted to work on the marriage before our divorce is final. I would change my mind.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

paperclip said:


> Thank you everyone for the fast and helpfull responces. I am going to try an detach my self. However, i am sure if she decided that she wanted to work on the marriage before our divorce is final. I would change my mind.


I feel the same right now, this could all change you know.. we might realise we're better than this xx


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

To Quote my favorite movie. "Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."

Im going to hold out hope until we both sign the papers. If she wants the divorce I won't try to stop it. Im still going to hold out hope.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hope is great but hope sometimes detracts from what reality is.
The reality is she wants a divorce and is seeing someone.
You need to start accepting the reality.
She may come back, she may not.
Start living your life for you, not for some "hopeful/wishful thinking."

My story was that my husband wanted the divorce but still wanted to be together/live together post-divorce. I was not into this but was going along with it because that is how much I 
love(d) him. But ya know what, it dawned on me--wow... a divorce, huh? Ok...So I told him that I was letting him go. I told him that if he decided in the future he could commit 100%, then we could perhaps talk about it but in the interim while a divorce was imminent, I wasn't going to stay like this anymore.

He cried. Told me I'd "already decided our relationship." 

And that was my answer.

Over and onwards! 

If someone won't work with you, they aren't on your side.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

My wife wants the divorce but still wants to do things together with our child. Like bring her to the park or zoo. Take her out to dinner or chucke cheeses. Buy her clothes and christmas presents. but doesn't want to be married. 

I don't know if our situation is the same but it almost sounds like she doesn't want me completly out of her life.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You guys will have to co-parent no matter what.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

paperclip said:


> My wife wants the divorce but still wants to do things together with our child. Like bring her to the park or zoo. Take her out to dinner or chucke cheeses. Buy her clothes and christmas presents. but doesn't want to be married.
> 
> I don't know if our situation is the same but it almost sounds like she doesn't want me completly out of her life.


My H says the same!

He even said if/when we were with other people, we would still go out as a family... 

I said you think your new partner will be happy with you going out with your ex wife and kids.. and he said she'll have to be...

Seriously ARGH!


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

Yeah that doesn't sound like she knows what "divorced" is paperclip!

All the divorced people I know take their kids to places by themselves or with friends, not with their ex.:scratchhead:

I say be firm about what a divorce really means, and how much changing you are both going to have to do.

The more I go over the future details with my wife, and tell her how I plan to live my new life the less she talks about how much better things will be for her. It's tough either way.

Divorce is hard on a family, and it doesn't go away until the kids are 18.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

She agreed to one session with a MC before she files for divorce. I am going to take her up on that offer. In the meantime i am going to work on me and making my self better. 

I will keep everyone updated!


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I've changed my stance on things. With the help of my family. I've made a deadline for her to decide whether she wants to work at the relationship or wants to continue down the divorce path. Deadline is in 10 days do or die!

At least i won't have to live my life in Limbo anymore.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What is the point of her even doing the MC if she wants a divorce? Have you thought about that?


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I've changed my stance on that as well. I said the only way I will attend MC is if she decides to End the relationship with the OM. 

I am tired of being her doormat. She has 10 days to decide whether she wants to try and keep the little family shes always wanted together. Or i am parting ways myself.

She does things like gives me false hope every month or so, just to keep me hanging around. Well its ending now!


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I understand i need more councling... but how can she feel nothing!

I don't understand...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Because she is already emotionally removed, Paperclip. 

That is why it's so 'la dee dah' for her.

I don't think she is giving you "false hope." She has told you straight up she wants a divorce and is carrying on with another man. 

Sure she threw you a bone by saying she'll do MC "one time" and then immediately after she's filing for divorce... she has already decided.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

You’re absolutely right, Jellybeans.

When we first separated I wanted nothing to do with her. Then, I missed her. Now I wanted my family back to try and be a family again. 

I think I would of regretted at least not trying to get my family back. 
Isn’t that what life is all about. Having no regrets?


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Thought id add to the list of failures...

Wife had affair, didn't keep it a secret, said she was torn between who to be with so I filed for divorce and asked her to move out.

2 weeks after she moved out she finished with the OM. She's been living single with our daughter and says things like could we live as friends, she still loves me, wants her family back etc. 

At no point has she gone "what have I done, im so sorry, please take me back" says she is sorry but that I played a huge huge part and then blames me for a load of stuff. I had been doing the 180 but she came round last night and I remembered what it was like having her around. She said she didn't want a divorce and that it would be good for our daughter if we were together but didn't know if we could get along.

after she left I sent 2 texts saying I loved her, missed her, wanted her to come home, etc. Basically put everything on the line undoing all my hard work. No response. Feel so stupid now and regretting folding so dramatically.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Indy,

Reset the clock, no more contact x


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I'm starting the no contact again. Begging pleading and everything else won't get her back
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

I would recommend trying the be the best father you can and let this be a lesson to you try harder next time around.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

paperclip said:


> I'm starting the no contact again. Begging pleading and everything else won't get her back
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you really want to go back to your EXW who is now more than likely having intimate relantions with ANOTHER man? I don't understand how men AND women put up with this. Be a best dad you can be, give yourself some time and move on.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

This has been the worst weekend of my life. I have never been more depressed in all my life.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I wrote my wife a final goodbye/no contact letter. Told her all contact between us should only be about our child. If she wanted to talk about our relationship then she would need to end it with the OM. 

I need to start taking a stand because i keep getting pulled backin to that black hole.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good job 

Chin up. It will and does get better.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What'd your letter say?


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

It was pretty long. The following topics were discuessed.

-I told her why i fell in live with her
-The reasons why i think our marriage failed
-My faults in the marrige
-Told her that contact will be reduced just to co-parenting
-Told her if she wanted to talk about "us" she would neeed to end it 100% with OM.
- Told her i loved her very much
- Said Goodbye.

Not that it's going to phase her. She has the new boyfriend buying her gifts and hanging out with her everyday. She won't care. But i made my point and i will no longer be her doormat. I am sure she will notice I am no longer responding to any of her texts or phone calls. Which will probably just piss her off. It's time for me to move on!

I wouldnt be surprised if her and her new boyfriend read it outloud and laugh at me the entire time.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

All good points you made. 

You have let her know where you stand. Ball is in her court. 

If she decides to continue down her path, then that's her choice. She just did you a favor.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> All good points you made.
> 
> You have let her know where you stand. Ball is in her court.
> 
> If she decides to continue down her path, then that's her choice. She just did you a favor.


Thanks Jellybeans. Your advice and comments are a lot like my brothers. Straight and to the point.

It's going to be hard trying not to NC her. Going to start by going a minute at a time. To an hour, to a day, to a week. Then hopefully forever.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

paperclip said:


> Thanks Jellybeans. Your advice and comments are a lot like my brothers. Straight and to the point.



LOL. This is not the first time someone has compared my advice to a man's kind of advice "succinct and to the point." Haha.

No contact IS hard--because it goes against everything you feel and also the emotional attachment you have to her. But... it is an absolute must. It's something you do to heal yourself.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Well she just called me 4 times in a row. I finally picked up because i thought she wanted to talk about the email....

Nope, she called screaming at me because she can not afford to pay darecare even though ive been writing her a check every week. and our child could not go to daycare unless i made a payment for her....... She will continue to treat me like a doormat.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh lawd. When she screams, tell her "I understand you are upset but I will not talk to you if you are going to be yelling. Please call me back when you want to speak as adults."

She will NOT treat you like a doormat if YOU stop acting like one, you dig???

So let her go off on her rants and act like the child she is coming across as. From now on, you treat her like you treat a colleague at work: in a professional manner -- cordial, unemotional, and ALL business.


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## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

I agree with Jelly.

I am sure the emotional aspects are driving her right now but regardless, you HAVE to show her what the boundaries will be to stop this cycle. Even if you decide to help, there is a way to discuss such things.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

She told me that she didnt have time to read my email because she was at work all day.

I don't know why she has to much hate towards me. I can just hear it in her voice. Its Hate. I don't understand. How can you hate someone so much that has done nothing terribly bad to you?!?!?!

Is it guilt? Is it ____ what the heck. I admit i was her dormat and paid everything for her for five years. I guess when you act like a doormat you get treated like a doormat.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ Yep and the funny thing is when she hears herself screaming and you not responding, she is going to feel like a big 
dum-dum.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I realise its over. She was hanging out with this OM while she was calling me. Go figure how she can be such an ass. I did text her and ask her how she could have so much hate towards me. She didnt respond. Then i told her to never contact me again unless she wants to apolgize.

Her phone never leaves her hand so i know that she read them. (yes shes one of those)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't send those kinds of texts anymore. You will never get to a good place if you keep giving her all the power.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

She texted me last night around 9pm " I opened your email.... I will read it on wed when i have time to really respond"

Shows her true feelings. Oh well, i didn't respond.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good. And don't.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Jellybeans, Can i ask you a question? Why can't she just be nice? 

Is she trying to show her family, her freinds, and her new man that shes not weak and its all my fault?

No one reallly knows of her affiar.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Because she is a crazy psycho cheating skank!

Make ya feel better? 

No but seriously, waywards have a MAJOR sense of entitlement and expect a divorce to go exactly their way. They don't see all of the PRACTICAL things that get in the way. They think they can wave a magic wand andyou will be over like they are that you will fold over and agree w/ them on everything.

Doesn't work that way! 

STOP trying to think about what she thinks. That is not your job. Yourjob is to be the best YOU you can be and the best FATHER for your kid. 

That's it.

She wants to walk and play games--not your issue. Let her go. She isn't the one for you, Paperclip! 

Re: the affair -- tell everyone! I would.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I am so sick of everyone being right! My family and the people on this site.

Everything I have done since the seperation started has given her the power.....

Today starts a new day.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

The good thing about this site is whenever she starts messing with your head you can re-read your posts and get back on track!


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Paperclip, you and me both Sweety, I gave away my power time and time again, not anymore! I need to b1tch up! You man up! You've got us as support we can do this together, you're never alone x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Guess who didnt email me back. or even text me that she read it. she prob just deleted it and i still dont care.

My 3.6yr old child was really sad when i dropped her off tonight to her grandparent. daddy i dont want you to leave...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stop mind-reading, Paperclip.

She may have read it and may not have. Didn't write you back. Oh well. NOT your problem. You said your piece.

Sorry to hear about your little one. Right now you just keep showing her you are the most awesome dad you can be.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

paperclip said:


> Guess who didnt email me back. or even text me that she read it. she prob just deleted it and i still dont care.


na, she read it, hasn't deleted it, not sure how to reply to it without seeming like she is losing her 'control'



> My 3.6yr old child was really sad when i dropped her off tonight to her grandparent. daddy i dont want you to leave...


understandable


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

She texted me last night and said. Thanks 4 being a great father I'm going to email you. Well no email yet!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't wait around for her email.

What are you doing this weekend?


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I'm bring my daughter to see the movie hop!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

It's very hard not to contact her!!!! I need that love. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

paperclip said:


> It's very hard not to contact her!!!! I need that love.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


HOP looks like fun! Good choice 

You don't NEED that love, but you certainly WANT it. Remember the difference. Deep breaths and focus on yourself. You got this


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

We're going to see Hop tomorrow! For my belated birthday treat 

I'm going with my babies, screw him. He wants to lead a single life, let him, I can't do anything to change it.

All about me and my kids now.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Whoever said shes in the FOG is correct. Shes living in a fantasy world. I think shes looking into getting an apartment with him.

When i dropped my daughter off last night. My daughter said "Look what OM bought mommy!, aren't they so pretty daddy"

They were new flowers. My wife values the things that don't matter in life.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yeah the Fog is no joke. It's ridiculous. 

Paper, my bet is she was involved with him for a LOT longer than you know...


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Sucks...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It does suck but knowing all this will help you move on ... You will be fine, you know


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> It does suck but knowing all this will help you move on ... You will be fine, you know


My parents think her bubble is going to burst soon and that shes going to come back down to reality very soon. You cant just expect flowers, gifts, eating out, new clothes every week!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Oh her bubble will burst. I just can't tell you when. It's usually when reality hits and when she realizes that she threw her marriage away, exchanged it for something shiny and new. Thing is, the new always wears off. Always. And then she'll remember what she did. And it will hurt. She is nowhere near to grieving right now, like you are. She is still in CandyLand. When CandyLand turns int o Real Life (and it will soon since they're moving in together--way to destroy a fantasy!) it won't be as fun anymore and THEN she will see finally what she chose and what she replaced. 

The sad thing is you can't do anything about it. She ahs to fall on her a-- herself. And by the time she does, usually you will long since have gotten over this and moved on and it won't marry to you anymore...

The good thing is she chose this path now and not 10 yrs from now. The good thing is she has showed you who she is now and not later.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

paperclip:

You are doing so very well! It's difficulty to "seemingly" give up on your marriage. No contact/limited contact/180 is difficult as it seems that you aren't doing anything to save your marriage.

YOU ARE doing something to save YOURSELF! 

As long as she with OM...there is no chance to save your marriage.
Counseling (1) time with your partner is not beneficial. As you said...no reason to counsel when she has another partner in the scene.

Ignoring her is the best...let her know that she can text you if she wants to talk about your child. You will call her back. Otherwise, let her sink.


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## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

I m starting the 180 today. my wife left me 7 weeks ago for no reason, took my kids and wants a pile of support. This is why am taking it to court and I want my boys. I have repeatedly told her this is total devastation on everybody but she doesn't care. She only cares about the bars and clubs right now. I call my boys every morning and every night so I hear their voices and see how they are doing. 

I sent my last email on a decent proposal and i have not got a response from her. I will not answer her emails and texts or phone calls. I love this woman so much and for her to do this is just plain nutz. Oh well I hope the 180 goes well for me. I do not think she has been sleeping around. if she has it has only been a one night stand while she has left.

today I zip it and say F it. and F her for what she has done to me.

keep the faith paperclip. my STBX wife will not even attempt counseling not even 1 session. so F her tail feathers.


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## mushroom (Apr 17, 2011)

of yeah she doesn't call the boys when I have them or go to soccer games. Wat to go #1 mom. I document everything.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I had my daughter this weekend and she texted me on Sunday and asked if i wanted to meet her for dinner. She said its nice for our daughter to see us talking. I delicned with a simple "no" and she just said "k"

I was thinking to my self. How is it "good" for my daughter to see us talking then you go home and be affectionate with another man?

Not to mention. she called me an F*ing ahole when i droped my daughter off in front of her. Shes mad because i wont pay her cell phone bill now that i got my own plan.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Let her spew. You did the right thing re: the cell phone. She can get OM to pay for it. Her using curse words in front of your daughter to you is very childish and wrong.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

I think shes starting to get upset that i am finally starting to move on with my life. She gets made when i don't fold to whatever she says.

Hopefully she grows up. For our daughters sake.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Typical wayward: jealous/upset when you start to move on but they don't want you. Riddle me that, huh? LOL


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Is she trying to take power back?

Once i learned that the was going on vacation with her family, new boyfriend, and my daughter. I asked her for her fastpass transponder thats in her car because im not paying her tolls. She said thats fine but i thoguht it was under my account... I'll dive it to you when you pick up our daughter on Friday.

Fair enough. I thought. Then I remembered i needed something that she said i could have for my apartment. I asked her if she could give me that on Friday as well. Well instead of responding via text she calls me....

She asks me questions about our divorce process. I ask "anything else" and she just hangs up. Most likley hoping that I text/call her saying that was rude and giving into her attention?

Ive been ignoring her texts latley. Feels good. Weather is getting warm! (well not today, today is freezing in Boston!) Golf time!

She's lost me forever and shes prob upset! woohaahhahahah


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## for better or for worse (Jul 4, 2011)

Hey, paperclip, any updates? Sounds like you were getting the upper hand!


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