# My GirlFriend in School Talks to me on Phone Everyday...After 15 years



## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi Everyone,
This is my true life instances i am passing on. I am simple, dedicated, highly educated , spritual and happy married professional man with 2 duaghters of age 3 and 2.and very nice , very understanding and loving wife. We both love each other very much and its 5 years passed to our marriage but we live as if we are just married. We maintain our relation as relation of best friend. Life is happy and nicely going on with Gods Grace.

When i was in school in 10th Standard. I was in love with girl. I hardly talked with her earlier. I was the top in studies and rank holder in the state. So quite famous. And very brilliant , simple and shy personality. I used to see her and smile but hardly talked face to face. Then she started talking to me on phone. This continued for 6-7 months and then i Had my exams i gave her important notes etc. And in exams i stood 12th merit list holder in State. After exams i understood that i had great career behind and my girlfriend was not so good in studies and in our religion girls get married early at age of 19-20. So i stopped talking to her. I started with new college and things went on. I suffered i lot as her memories always hurt me. But i didnot talked to her.

I continued my engineering and my profession. After 4 years I came to know She got married in year 2000. And it was fine. I prayed for her happy life. 

As such we were not in touch at all from 2000 to 2007. And in 2007 she called me and it was surprising.

I had got married in year 2003 and i was happy with my life. She started talking to me on phone everyday. 

I came to know she was thinking of me a lot all these years though we were not in touch at all.

After few days of talks i thought its not right. She is also happily married and have 2 kids. She is happy with her own life. 

I tried a lot to let her understand that its not right that we talk on phone and she doesnot agree at all. She says i am so much attached with you emotionally that i dont like doing anything if i dont talk to you just for a second in a day.

She says atleast i just want to say hi and thats all. I just need to listen to you for minute. I dont want or expect anything. You are my First and the true love. I regret a lot why God Didnot get us united. But I am happy here in my existing life also. She is very understanding in every manner.

Though we are in same city we didnot even see each other for months. We have not talked face to face ever since last 15 years. Just one or two times and thats also Hi ... and How are you...! But deep inside we care about each other a lot.
She loves me a lot. 

We are very ethical and Understanding also. Its now almost more than one year and i keep on asking her to stop talking to her and concentrate on meditation and be busy with her responsibilities and family. I started not receiving her calls but she started calling from diffrent number and said " as You being the Most Loving personality in the whole world. You being the energy for me. and Guide for me. You never expect anything from me and taught me lot of things about life and relations with my family. I have developed so much due to You...! And Only thing i expect from You and God is That I should be able to Just talk a Minute with you everyday. Because your talk for just a minute makes me so much happy and i dont expect anything more.

I have tried everything still she wants to talk to me. I just want her not to talk to me. If my wife finds this or her husband comes to know it may create really big problems. I have told her everything still she is not agreeing and saying i am trying a lot to make myself strong , but I need to atleast talk to you. As being friend who loves and prays for you so much have right to atleast talk for a minute. She has started doing meditation also and have become very understanding also.

Please guide me what to do.....!!!! Why relations are so deep .... and .... Why its like that ....The most loving hearts , even could not talk due to society and restrictions from family?

Now i want to have solution for this....Your comments will be great inspiration....! 

Love 4 U....!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Well if you are serious about not talking to her, its pretty simple. If you recognize her number, dont answer. If you dont recognize her number, then the minute when you hear her voice, hang up. dont say one word to her. she keeps calling, b/c you keep engaging her. you probably like her flattery. 

I had to stop talking to a really good friend of mine, too. It was hard. But the choice is yours.


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

I agree. You don't have to take the calls.


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

ljtseng said:


> Well if you are serious about not talking to her, its pretty simple. If you recognize her number, dont answer. If you dont recognize her number, then the minute when you hear her voice, hang up. dont say one word to her. she keeps calling, b/c you keep engaging her. you probably like her flattery.
> 
> I had to stop talking to a really good friend of mine, too. It was hard. But the choice is yours.


I tried this ....! She says..."It hurts me a lot ....! I keep crying and feel very bad the day i dont talk to you and become upset. I dont know why....But its happening to me...! I know i need to be strong and i souldnot be talking to you...! But deep in mind i am not able to forget u and am so much attached with u. "


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## StrongEnough (Nov 25, 2008)

It sounds like she is emotionally attached to you, which isn't a good thing. I would sever all communication with her if it were me.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

love4u said:


> She says i am so much attached with you emotionally that i dont like doing anything if i dont talk to you just for a second in a day.


This sort of emotional attachment to you sounds as though she is not getting the emotional connection with her husband. 

If you know this will cause major problems for both marriages, put your marriage first and let her know you cannot speak to her. She got along for years without contact and I'm sure she can do it again if you put a stop to the calls.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Whoa. Sounds like this woman is a bit obsessed with you.

So, your wife doesnt know you speak to her? Even though its every day? Might have been an idea to be honest with her up front about this.

But dont worry, you've not done anything wrong by just being nice to this woman. I guess it is going to be hard to let her down without hurting her.

Could you change her no or something so she couldnt contact you?

I guess only other option like others said is to try and avoid her call. If you recognise the no, dont answer, if its a new number, dont answer either and let the answering machine get it for you.


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

psychocandy said:


> Whoa. Sounds like this woman is a bit obsessed with you.
> 
> So, your wife doesnt know you speak to her? Even though its every day? Might have been an idea to be honest with her up front about this.
> 
> ...


Ya...my wife obviously doesnot know about this. Today she called and i asked her that we need to stop immediately...and she says i know. And said "ya... i will be trying my best not to call you...Its going to hurt me a lot and will call just once a month...on Day Called in Hindu Religion as "Sankashti" on this Day Girls and Ladies Keep Fast ( without food ) full day till at night Moon Comes in Sky ...!For the prosperity and long life of Loved ones. After Moon arises at night ... They Pray and Then break the Fast and eat food. I said Ok....! And we paryed for each other...!!!

Its all right....! And its going to be the way like that only. That we again will stop talking.

One thing ....clicks mind...We all being in diffrent porfessions and jobs come across various people we talk on almost daily basis. And due to social responsibilities we are not able to talk to someone whome you love the most. Who miss you so much and probably more than anyone else in the world.

Lifes Like That.....! Thank you for comments of all and would love to hear from You a lot...!

Just a question...! Consider the situation of Girl and if you put yourself on her place where u have your old love who is like mentor to you and you are very understanding. Its like a boosting energy for you talking to him just minute a day. And you dont expect anything else...What u would have done...!


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## LucyInSC (Dec 23, 2008)

The red flag here for me is that you have not told your wife about these calls. That is deceptive. I think you should stop talking to this woman entirely or be honest with your wife as to why you are talking to her. If your wife objects to your talking to her, well, that's your answer. I'm probably not as "brilliant" as you, but that's how I see it.


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

LucyInSC said:


> The red flag here for me is that you have not told your wife about these calls. That is deceptive. I think you should stop talking to this woman entirely or be honest with your wife as to why you are talking to her. If your wife objects to your talking to her, well, that's your answer. I'm probably not as "brilliant" as you, but that's how I see it.


Hi,
Thanks for your suggestion...and deep inside i feel i am really decieving her...! As you said i sould tell her i am talking to her...Its going to hurt her a lot. And i hope other members will feel the same... shall i inform her about this...? Thou i have now decided to not to talk to her...! Once a month we will be talking...!


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

rejected the calls ! change your number ! and tell your wife , she will be more hurt if she found out and could even think something was going on between you both ... and dont take her calls at all not even once a month come on think about what you are doing . if it was your wife talking to a ex every day wouldnt it upset you ???


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I can only wonder... have you spoken with your god about this? how does he/she/it feel about it? have you been deceptive with your god as well as your wife? does this mean eternal damnation or something? i think you need to ask your god for help. best of luck.


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

humpty dumpty said:


> rejected the calls ! change your number ! and tell your wife , she will be more hurt if she found out and could even think something was going on between you both ... and dont take her calls at all not even once a month come on think about what you are doing . if it was your wife talking to a ex every day wouldnt it upset you ???


---- 
Ya....You are right...! I have to completely stop and i have to follow it strictly. One your question about if my wife talks to ex it would have hurt me more than anything else in the world. Still i feel as i have to stop recieving her calls , it will be better to not to talk to my wife about this and close the chapter. I really thank all the ones who have posted and expressed suggestions.
New comments and discussions are always welcome....!


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

So now you know the exact day and time she's going to call. Duh, dont' answer the phone. It's that simple. Either that, or you're trying to convince yourself that you don't have feelings for her as well, and that's why you answer the calls and that's why you accept that she'll only call less frequently now, and that's why you post on here. It seems pretty simple to just not take her calls, but I think you are trying to convince yourself more than anything.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

love4u-

From your posts it is obvious that you are getting something out of this too. That is why you have not stopped it, and that is why you have not told your wife.

I don't see a problem with people keeping in touch with EXs if all the spouses are OK with it, and the relationship is healthy. For instance, my Ex of 20 years ago is coming round to see my wife later today - they meditate together, and we are all good friends.

In your case, the relationship is unhealthy. Even when I go away on business I don't call my wife every night - I give her a rest form me occasionally.

This woman wants to contact you every single day. One day her husband will find her phone records.

Stop it now.

If it were me, I would tell my wife. However, only you know how your wife would react. It's not worth it if she divorcees you. But you can pick your words carefully: "Honey I have a stalker - HELP".


I realise English is not your first language, I hope my post was clear.
​


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> love4u-
> 
> From your posts it is obvious that you are getting something out of this too. That is why you have not stopped it, and that is why you have not told your wife.
> 
> ...


Thanks...for your reply....!

I have almost stopped talking to her now. She told me she will call after one month. But she called me again today and i didnot pick her phone.

And i have understood that its must...!

About healthy relation ...ya i understand talking everyday is not right.

My wife knows her.I had told her about Ex before marraige. Today we were at community hall where prayers and lecture of one of our gurus was there. I went with my wife and my Ex had also came there.

It was almost after 6 months we saw each other. But we didnot talk at all. My wife after the programe smiled and said " You did not notice but i know you both were looking at each other during the programe." and continued " It happens ...man...! I can understand" and teases me that after seeing my ex , I am looking more happy...etc...etc.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

love4u said:


> My wife after the programe smiled and said " You did not notice but i know you both were looking at each other during the programe." and continued " It happens ...man...! I can understand" and teases me that after seeing my ex , I am looking more happy...etc...etc.


Your wife sounds very good natured, so it is vital not to let her down - you married a good woman. You can't have both - let the other one go, she will destroy your marriage if you don't stop it.

If you can't be disciplined about it, you might have to tell your wife, because if she finds out the truth *before *you tell her, you will be in trouble, big trouble.


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Your wife sounds very good natured, so it is vital not to let her down - you married a good woman. You can't have both - let the other one go, she will destroy your marriage if you don't stop it.
> 
> If you can't be disciplined about it, you might have to tell your wife, because if she finds out the truth *before *you tell her, you will be in trouble, big trouble.


----
Ya...With gods grace...i have got the most understanding and most loving personality ...as my wife! she is very careing and always a helping hand for. Taking care of my parents and kids and very much sweet talking...! Complete year does pass away, we live without shouting or querelling on any subject. We find by ourselves some topic to fight little bit... just for fun...! And again together like friends. within minutes...! And these really a most satisfying moments of life...!


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

The ex is still calling you because you want her to call you and because you tell her sweet things that will keep her calling. You make it sound as if you don't want these phone calls, but it is clear that you do. She can sense that, so she continues to call. You have to take responsiblity for how you are teasing her along while betraying your wife. You are doing wrong by both women. Clearly, this woman gives your ego a boost ... that goes against your description of yourself as a humble man. You are wanting this woman to keep you feeling so good about yourself, keep you feeling like she would die if you didn't take her calls. But, guess what? She won't die. She'll be just fine. In fact, she'll be less likely to destroy her life and her marriage and her children's lives if she stops talking to you. Not to mention the ramifications in your community and church. You are just a fantasy to you. As per your post, the two of you have never really been in a relationship. That means that you can provide a fantasy to each other that is not based in the real life challenges of raising children, paying bills, cleaning house, etc. It's just a FANTASY. You said your marriage is so great ... that is priceless. Don't mess your great REAL marriage for a fantasy.

You can feel bad for her and keep taking the calls ... but if you choose to do that, then you are hurting your wife. Whose feelings are more important to you? The ex or the wife? Whose dignity are you responsible for upholding? The ex or the wife's? Who have you made vows toward?

So.... stop acting like you have no control over taking these calls and having communication with her. You are in full control here. You are just not taking control because you like these phone calls and you like this woman telling you she loves you.

Next time she calls, be mean. Yes, mean. Direct. Straightforward. Completely unambivalent. I would put money on the fact that you have not done that. Tell her that you love and respect your wife deeply and that you mean it 100% to stop calling you. Then don't take more calls and stop giving her the eye at church .. how RUDE of you to do that while your wife is sitting next to you clueless as to these phone calls.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

MsLady said:


> The ex is still calling you because you want her to call you and because you tell her sweet things that will keep her calling. You make it sound as if you don't want these phone calls, but it is clear that you do. She can sense that, so she continues to call.


:iagree:


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

MsLady said:


> The ex is still calling you because you want her to call you and because you tell her sweet things that will keep her calling. You make it sound as if you don't want these phone calls, but it is clear that you do. She can sense that, so she continues to call. You have to take responsiblity for how you are teasing her along while betraying your wife. You are doing wrong by both women. Clearly, this woman gives your ego a boost ... that goes against your description of yourself as a humble man. You are wanting this woman to keep you feeling so good about yourself, keep you feeling like she would die if you didn't take her calls. But, guess what? She won't die. She'll be just fine. In fact, she'll be less likely to destroy her life and her marriage and her children's lives if she stops talking to you. Not to mention the ramifications in your community and church. You are just a fantasy to you. As per your post, the two of you have never really been in a relationship. That means that you can provide a fantasy to each other that is not based in the real life challenges of raising children, paying bills, cleaning house, etc. It's just a FANTASY. You said your marriage is so great ... that is priceless. Don't mess your great REAL marriage for a fantasy.
> 
> You can feel bad for her and keep taking the calls ... but if you choose to do that, then you are hurting your wife. Whose feelings are more important to you? The ex or the wife? Whose dignity are you responsible for upholding? The ex or the wife's? Who have you made vows toward?
> 
> ...


---- 
Thanks MsLady,
You are true. I have not been direct to her for not calling...I asked her almost everytime to stop calling but did not directly say...and this i have to do and You are right...!

It may hurt her one time if i talk direct to her that i dont want to talk at all. And pls donot call. I want to forget you and donot want any relation to be kept. And i think that is the only solution...! Really thanks for your advice. Your answer is so much perfect and right nd eyeopener.

-----


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I just realized that this has been going on for five years, going on six. Those are going to be some hard ties to break, but you must do it. And I think I would tell your wife, too... if the girlfriend goes off the deep end when you stop daily conversation, there is no telling what she will do, and may bring your wife into it. It would be horrible for your wife to find out from said girlfriend than from you. 

But then again, you know your situation best. Maybe the g/f wont' react like that, and maybe your wife will never find out.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

"We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further." - Richard Dawkins

i really like this quote. it made me laugh but its so true. i never thought of it that way before.


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

bhappy3 said:


> I just realized that this has been going on for five years, going on six. Those are going to be some hard ties to break, but you must do it. And I think I would tell your wife, too... if the girlfriend goes off the deep end when you stop daily conversation, there is no telling what she will do, and may bring your wife into it. It would be horrible for your wife to find out from said girlfriend than from you.
> 
> But then again, you know your situation best. Maybe the g/f wont' react like that, and maybe your wife will never find out.


----
Its been almost 10 days I kept her number as call barreing in mobile.

I continued getting calls from her almost everyday 3 to 4 times but mobile barreing facility did recognize that number and didnot accept the call.

Yesterday she did call from other number . Just few words talks...Hi...How are you..? How is everything ...? Says Fine...! And I disconnected phone. 

Today again she tried to call...! I do come to know how many times she had called ... Mobile just rejects all calls from that number.

But One thing. I am very happy . I am releived from everyday tension if my wife comes to know about this...! 

Quite happy with my own life...!

I have not told to my wife and never discuss also ...As i know it will create more problems for me ... lifetime.

She is possessive and loves me more than anything else in the world.

God Bless...!

Thanking you all...............! 

Coments are welcome....!


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

love4u said:


> ----
> Its been almost 10 days I kept her number as call barreing in mobile.
> 
> I continued getting calls from her almost everyday 3 to 4 times but mobile barreing facility did recognize that number and didnot accept the call.
> ...


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

love4u said:


> Thanks...for your reply....!
> 
> I have almost stopped talking to her now. She told me she will call after one month. But she called me again today and i didnot pick her phone.
> 
> ...


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Its almost one month now . I have stopped talking to her and i really feel so releaved.

Family Life is going on Great....! 

Thanks to All of You.........! God Bless You All....!


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## love4u (Jan 15, 2009)

love4u said:


> ----------
> Its almost one month now . I have stopped talking to her and i really feel so releaved.
> 
> Family Life is going on Great....!
> ...


I really thank the owners of the site 
Talk About Marriage - The Marriage and Relationship Forums for Advice & Help

Its now 6 months passed and i have completely stopped talking to her and happy with my own life....!

Last month I had arranged a dance competetion program for kids and in that my ex girfrieds daughter also participited. 

And her daughter won the price and it was given by my wife. It was really a great feeling. Her duaghter was really cuite and loving and intelligent kid saw her for the first time....!

Though my Ex-girlfriend also came we didnot talk at all. And everything is normal now...!

Life is going on.

In India there is course call vipassana its a 10 days meditation course and its free ...Lot of people all over the world come for this course you can visit the site : www.alaya.dhamma.org


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

My first reaction was WHAT?!! Mark Twain, I wholeheartedly agree with you.


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