# Are you truly happy in your marriage/relationship?



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Are you truly happy in your marriage/relationship? Maybe your content and comfortable? Or perhaps your unhappy?

I understand it takes both parties to work in a marriage/relationship. Some people work a heck of a lot harder then others. I believe in most relationships it's never 50/50. My husband puts in so much more effort as far as the physical duties due to my physical disability. I do know we are both on the same page as far as our feelings are for one another. Not only do we communicate, we show each other how much we love each other.

I try my best to keep things interesting and not boring to the best of my ability. I love surprising my husband in different ways. I consider myself very lucky with what I have. I've never been happier then I am now. I've been through some really rough times in my life.
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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband are truly happy, every moment with him is a Joy-he is so easy to love. Me, probably not as easy, but he would disagree with me, so how special is that ! 

The mistakes WE made in our earlier years are easily corrected with some education & more vulnerable communication. We kinda missed each other over the dumbest things really. He has never wanted anyone else, I have never wanted anyone else, we have been together since our teens. 

It is like we have reached the mountaintop in our marriage, we did struggle to get some of our biggest dreams, against some odds -with him having a lower paying job for many yrs & me being a SAHM, but we acheived every single goal we set out to do, being very careful to save along the way & work hard to do the work ourselves, sometimes loosing site of each other along the way in busyness -unfortunetely. 

Now in MID LIFE, standing at the Top of that mountain, we can look back, see how it all came to be , stop for awhile, enjoy each other, relish this TIME ....so soon we will be headed down the other side of that mountain.... as we slowly age, with our health starting to wane, our kids will be leaving the nest, grandchildren on the horizon. 

Oh to be young again! But so thankful for this time ....NOW.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Happiness is fleeting. I'm in love with him. He's in love with me. I am GRATEFUL for every day with him. We started drifting and worked hard to pull it together. We feel stronger. We're more aware of each others needs and of ourselves. I can't even tell you how thankful I am that we're back in sync and continually giving energy where it's best needed for our relationship. We had gotten to a point of being at the same train station but at different platforms. Now we're holding hands, both comfortably and with a touch of butterflies in the tummy, and heading in the same direction together.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Some days I feel extremely happy. Some days I feel like an empty shell inside. 

My problem is that I'm not sure I can really allow myself to be close to anyone anymore. 

Ask me tomorrow and I'll probably be writing poetry and skipping. LOL


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I am completely satisfied in the progress we have made. I am completely proud of myself and the progress I have made.

I do not believe in happiness....it's so fleeting. but i'm content and full of joy


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Sadly I was very happy in my marriage about 2 years ago. I thought she was too. To me it was a perfect marriage with much time spent together, mini-vacation trips, dinners out, lunches, etc.

I believe she got hit with a MLC , by all the changes she started to make in her life and now she has seperated from me. 

We are doing MC and IC with the same counselor who told me she thinks it is also MLC (I did not prompt her to say that). 

I pray she can come out of the fog, but fear she will retreat once she sees her blames pointed at me may not be the only problem the MC will address. I fear too much damage has been done and we may never be able to repair this.

Sorry to be a negative in this thread.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Since I got divorced, I have wondered the same thing about others, "Are they truly happy." If there are things they would change, is it simply worth the good parts. Since my wife divorced me for simply "not being happy," I've had people tell me that a large number of married people are far more unhappy than she was, but they just don't let it show and consider it normal.  I have a couple of examples i wonder about.

I know a guy who married into a large family. He told me one day that he occasionally took a trip to the creek alone and pitched a tent, spent the night, and done some fishing. As he continued talking, he said it was one of the few times he could be alone and have some peace. He said there was "always" somebody at his house, which was usually kids. He said I can never just come home after work and kick back in peace or have a quiet day off because there is always someone there. 
He wasn't telling me this as though he were on the verge of divorce or about to shoot himself; I think he just accepted it as a norm that he had to deal with in his marriage, but I could tell it was a frustration for him.

I know a lady whose husband runs a mechanics shop located behind his house. She said the phone constantly rings at any time of day, and they can never have any peace because people pull up at all hours, even on Sunday when he is closed. She says she would love to be able to kick back and have an "at home" vacation from time to time, but it's impossible. They occasionally rent a motel room just to have a night of peace and have the feeling of getting away.

Her husband feels the same frustrations, but he loves his job and she seems to have accepted this as a normal part of her life. I'm not sure how to express what I'm trying to say. On one hand, I think a lot of people are a lot more frustrated than they appear, but just put up with stuff and realize there are frustrations in life. I can't believe my x was nearly as frustrated as either of these two people, yet she thought she was and opted for divorce.


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## teahead (Nov 28, 2011)

Happiness ebbs and flows in any relationship. Depends on a lot. You can have a happy marriage, but horrible circumstances that would give you general malaise and unhappiness. Like a loss of $$$ or worse (e.g. loss of a relative/child).

If you still have the hots for your spouse and want to jump their bones, and still like having conversations with them, and go out on "dates", then I guess I can qualify as being happy. But there are times that would contradict me being happy.

I couldn't live without my wife, so...yes, guess I'm happily married.

Being constantly "happy" is a rare phase in your adult life. It's practically impossible. You just have to take advantage of those times you are happy, and minimize the time dwellling on those times that you are not, but let's be realistic. You will have unhappy moments in any relationship.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

Truely? ...Nope!


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I think I have forgotten what happiness in a relationship is. I have been too busy for too long just shoveling trying to dig out of the mess of problems that just keep getting dumped on our heads.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

teahead said:


> Being constantly "happy" is a rare phase in your adult life. It's practically impossible. You just have to take advantage of those times you are happy, and minimize the time dwellling on those times that you are not, but let's be realistic. You will have unhappy moments in any relationship.


You haven't met my husband. He wakes up everyday with a smile on his face and the first thing he says is hello and good morning. Same thing when he comes home from work, except his smile is much bigger. We laugh, have fun and play with the kids. Then my hubby takes time to snuggle next to me later in the evening holding hands, talking and watching television. This has been going on for the last 12 years. 

I've only seen my husband angry once and that is when a 6-7 year old ran over our daughter with an electric scooter when we were all on a walk. Clearly the boy was too little for it and their parents were no where in sight. Luckily, my daughter was okay and not hurt too badly. The boys parents never apologized for the incident either.

Of course we have our bad and stressful events, but we try to make the very best of them. I didn't know men like this ever existed. My first husband was verbally/emotionally abusive and has done some very unforgiving things to me. Not once did I ever have a happy moment with him. I couldn't take it and I left with my daughter.

Yes, my husband and I are a truly happy couple. I'm so blessed to have him in my life. One thing that helps is neither of us nag at on another or at the kids. We make the best out of what we have. My husband and I are very supportive to one another as well. 
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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

I don't know if I'm truly happy or not, but I am content and comfortable with my marriage. Sometimes I'm unhappy, but it'll be worse without my wife. 

We put effort into taking care of each other, but mostly we are trying to live our lives and building future for our little one.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

A year ago, I would have answered this that I was happy. But around January, the W mentioned separation, potential divorce (over some of the issues we were dealing with). It was a total shock to me - that this could ever, ever happen in MY marriage. Fast forward 11 months, I've made lots of changes (she, not so much), I've done some manning up and now I look at our marriage with a much more critical eye. Is it good enough for ME? What do I want out of it? and I've pushed us both beyond our previous comfort zones. I am NOT happy with the way things are and I am no longer AFRAID to say this or do something about it. I get sad when I see an older couple holding hands, wondering if that's in my future - and most days I think not.

I am pissed at her for 'pulling the curtain' aside on our marriage - I was blissfully, ignorantly content in my perfectly 'OK' marriage. Probably a longer answer than anyone cares for.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Our marriage is blissfully happy, I look at him and dissolve into tears of gratitude toward the universe for his existence (and that he is in love with me!) but we are facing some awful issues outside the marriage. I hope they don't hurt our marital happiness because they are the kinds of things that often do (financial issues). Our marriage doesn't involve "work" at all, although we both do plenty of things that we don't "have to" do to strengthen our bond. 

I'm so happy in the marriage and so terrified about the non-marriage stuff. I think I prefer it this way than the other way around.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

charlene said:


> Truely? ...Nope!


:iagree:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

A couple months ago, at church (I try to go when my son is home from College).... the Pastor did this sermon on *Happiness*, and he made this comment that , noone can have happiness without giving their lives to Jesus, being Born Again....this is the beginning of Happiness, as if everyone outside of this does not know happiness or can't touch it. 

Now me & my son generally have words afterwars in the car... picking apart these Sermons, he is a wanna be Youth Paster, I am a ex- christian, I took argument with those comments , as I believe people can experience TRUE HAPPINESS without religious beliefs... and he agreed with me on that...but then added... the Paster should have used the term *JOY* instead of Happiness....... 

Now JOY he feels is different.... it is less determined by CIRCUMSTANCES than happiness is. Joy is something deep deep within us , that no matter what comes our way, no matter how tragic, we have this "well spring of appreciation" for still being here/alive, we know we have purpose & a thankfulness for the Good in our lives. I think he was on to something there, I really couldn't argue with that, I had nothing to counter that! 

I will Admit...I am very very very Happy RIGHT NOW in my marraige, but our circumstances are very very very GOOD also- and pretty much have always been, so this does make it rather "easy".......take that away, sure, it could all crumble, and things are going to be rougher, more of a fight to acheive that same level of happiness. OR find that "JOY" no matter what comes our way. Some people are truly faced with "*mountains*" in thier marriages. 

I do know myself well enough to know.... although the temporary little set backs in life literally glide over me with a smile on my face (I have this attitude that ANYTHING temporary is nothing to sweat about)...... I do NOT handle significant Loss, and most especially the threat of irreversible Health problems well, anything that can suddenly change our lives forever would likely disrupt my happiness. "Worry" would likely eat me alive. I was miserable when I couldn't conceive, I allowed my "circumstances" to cloud my emotional state. I should have had more Hope back then, but I was trying on one hand to "accept" something that may never be, it was like a bitter pill that I couldn't swallow. 

There are certain things in life I do not feel I could "overcome" and remain happy -such as a sexless unaffectionate marraige or let's say a horrendous accident that left one of us in a Wheelchair for life.....imagine Christopher Reeves. I do not feel I could handle being him or his wife. Hate to admit that about myself but --- I am just being very honest. Now him & his wife, those are Marital HEROS to me ..... I feel I would get tragically depressed if I was either one of them, what they lost was just SO VERY GREAT. I guess they found JOY somehow amidst the ashes, LOVE triumphed over their loss, the way it should be. Very inspiring really. But I hope I never face the day!!! 

The common stuff the majority of us face in marraige every day is near NOTHING in comparison. For this, we do have so very very very much to be thankful for.


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## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

I'm actually surprised at how many positive responses there are, considering that most people who search out these web sites do it because they are having problems.

I've been happy at times, but I was not ready for marriage when it happened and have second guessed my decision almost the entire 25 years. Now that the kids are gone and I just hit 50, I'm having a lot of MLC issues and my wife's age (56) makes me feel even older, so I haven't been happy for about two years. I think about separation almost every day and I think she knows I'm unhappy, but doesn't want to talk about it for fear of what will result. She's a good woman and deserves better, but I'm not sure I'm the guy who can give it to her. We need to talk, but I know it'll greatly upset her and the time never seems right.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Tommy518 said:


> I'm actually surprised at how many positive responses there are, considering that most people who search out these web sites do it because they are having problems.


 I am here because my MLC was completely & utterly sexual in nature & my husband couldn't physically "keep up" with me, accually that was pretty darn hard for me, I started questioning his desire, I even gave him performance pressure & we had to overcome that. So I was lookng for a good "sink your teeth into" sex forum to spill out my feelings & get some feedback, then I got seriously "hooked" posting here. I even sent him to the Docs to get his Testosterone checked, It is a wonder I didn't drive him near crazy, these are very :rofl: memories looking back. I had to downplay why we were REALLY there to that Encronologist -ha ha . 

We overcame it all beautifully, he was very understanding of what I was going through, enjoyed it too  -even if a bit overkill, and well, I learned even more so how LOVING he is....in how he handled ME during that time. My regrets is ..I was not so loving to Him when he was feeling "like that" when he was younger!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> There are certain things in life I do not feel I could "overcome" and remain happy -such as a sexless unaffectionate marraige or let's say a horrendous accident that left one of us in a Wheelchair for life.....imagine Christopher Reeves. I do not feel I could handle being him or his wife. Hate to admit that about myself but --- I am just being very honest. Now him & his wife, those are Marital HEROS to me ..... I feel I would get tragically depressed if I was either one of them, what they lost was just SO VERY GREAT. I guess they found JOY somehow amidst the ashes, LOVE triumphed over their loss, the way it should be. Very inspiring really. But I hope I never face the day!!!


I broke my neck 3 years ago in a freak accident which resulted in spinal cord compression. I had lost all muscle strength in my right arm and hand until surgery. By the grace of God I can still use my legs, but I only can walk short distances. My severe pain leaves me homebound, but with the help of the pain clinic I'm able to get a little/some relief of the pain. Most my day is spent on my bed or couch with something supporting my neck using an ice pack. I have ruined my outer nerve endings by using ice packs. I use to run 36 miles a week, which was probably the hardest to overcome.

My doctor says most spouses would of left due to my age(mid 30's) and I'm lucky to have such a caring husband. My husband is always making sure that I have everything I need and is more then willing to help me when possible. My husband and I are praying there will be new medical technologies to help my condition. I probably will someday need a wheelchair. I do use a wheelchair on family outings like the zoo or if there is a lot of walking involved. I can and do ride a stationary bike everyday. I also thank God I do not live in a sexless marriage.
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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Nobody is perfect. I realize that. After 18 + years, I would rather not start the single life all over again. It took many months before I was able to fart in the same room with her. She is still my best friend. I see us as roommates who have a child together. It's more companionship than love and romance.
I don't want to be away from our Daughter and that, for the most part keeps me from straying. For the most part, like my name... I am already gone. Emotionally that is. I am still hopeful.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Already Gone said:


> It took many months before I was able to fart in the same room with her.


:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: 

How about clogging up a commode on the first date (not counting the initial "meet in public" date).


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## Tommy518 (Nov 28, 2011)

Already Gone said:


> It took many months before I was able to fart in the same room with her.


Wow! After 25 years I still hold them in. I guess that means it's ok to let em rip.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I broke my neck 3 years ago in a freak accident which resulted in spinal cord compression. I had lost all muscle strength in my right arm and hand until surgery. By the grace of God I can still use my legs, but I only can walk short distances. My severe pain leaves me homebound, but with the help of the pain clinic I'm able to get a little/some relief of the pain. Most my day is spent on my bed or couch with something supporting my neck using an ice pack. I have ruined my outer nerve endings by using ice packs. I use to run 36 miles a week, which was probably the hardest to overcome.
> 
> My doctor says most spouses would of left due to my age(mid 30's) and I'm lucky to have such a caring husband. My husband is always making sure that I have everything I need and is more then willing to help me when possible. My husband and I are praying there will be new medical technologies to help my condition. I probably will someday need a wheelchair. I do use a wheelchair on family outings like the zoo or if there is a lot of walking involved. I can and do ride a stationary bike everyday. I also thank God I do not live in a sexless marriage.


Even your Doctor told you that -really? Just kind of surprised he would say that to you. I have read about things like this myself , I am just a read a holic, and it is very true...it even states statistically women generally are able to handle these types of hardhips in marriage over men.... women are more the "care givers" of our world. 

I know your husband is wonderful... I can tell by every word you say about him, what a Gem you have.  

Love your story of overcoming, always inspiring to hear someone this happy who had such "mountains" to overcome. Much can be learned from you, your husband. 

Sounds you was very very physically fit before your accident -36 miles a week !! My Lord ! I couldn't even run around the track once without huffing & puffing & my side killing me. 2 of my boys are Cross Country runners though, I can't even imagine if that happened to them, just thinking about it -I don't want to go there. 

You are quite the overcomer I'mInLoveWithMyHubby ! :smthumbup:


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Truely...?

I dunno; It seems like happiness sometimes... but sometimes I don't know if I'm happy or if I'm just content with the status quo and am willing to overlook problems to remain in my comfortable rut. Awful, but there you are.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Tommy518 said:


> Wow! After 25 years I still hold them in. I guess that means it's ok to let em rip.


Another vote, let them rip & just watch her expession. 25 yrs!! At our house, with so many boys, farting is an art, sure laughter is always the result. I can count on my husbands every single am, and it is great when I have one right after his. It is what it is. Flatulation is the term.

We got our kids an oversized Whoopie Cushion & of coarse they drug this out to demonstrate to all the relatives on Thanksgiving , so all throughout the day we heard loud extended ripping-this was an oversized one. These are fun for an added side present for birthday parties too, always a sure hit with the boys! Funny, I get a call from the SIL this year just thanking me and saying what a delight it was -just our kids this year, how they "made" the Holiday. 

I can't ever think of a time where a fart did not bring :rofl:

We have joked with our oldest he needs a serious case of "Beano" & we feel bad for his future woman! I really need to get a sample packet for his stocking this year.


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Already Gone said:


> Nobody is perfect. I realize that. After 18 + years, I would rather not start the single life all over again. It took many months before I was able to fart in the same room with her. She is still my best friend. I see us as roommates who have a child together. It's more companionship than love and romance.
> I don't want to be away from our Daughter and that, for the most part keeps me from straying. For the most part, like my name... I am already gone. Emotionally that is. I am still hopeful.


Sounds like me a few months ago then I let it out. Felt better but now I feel like crap. Still glad I did cause I just couldnt keep living like that though. She is my best friend too but more out of default as I realize how she kept issolated from new friends and even family. 2 kids so always thought it was the lesser of 2 evils staying. I dont want to start single life but really at worst I will be as happy single but at least the change to be happier.


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