# What is sexy?



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

My husband has recently told me he doesn't find me very sexy... 

I touch him while he is touching me, we kiss during sex, I make noise, and we take turns being on top.

What can I do to be more sexy?

Husbands, what do you like your wives to do that you think is sexy?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Let go, it's obvious to me when my wife was tensed up and reserved versus uninhibited. I preferred uninhibited of course. She would only get like that after a fight, the make up sex was astounding. When I asked her why it was only like that after a fight, her response was I don't know


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My husband has recently told me he doesn't find me very sexy...
> 
> I touch him while he is touching me, we kiss during sex, I make noise, and we take turns being on top.
> 
> ...


I wish he didn't say that.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I need more details than that.

I already feel like I "let go." 

I'm no prude. I'll gladly give him a blow job as long as he wants, or french kiss him after he has been down on me. 

I just don't understand what he wants. I am completely confused.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

treyvion said:


> I wish he didn't say that.


You and me both.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My husband has recently told me he doesn't find me very sexy...
> 
> I touch him while he is touching me, we kiss during sex, I make noise, and we take turns being on top.
> 
> ...


For the sake of clarification...

Does that mean he doesn't find you attractive now, or that he doesn't feel like you're really into sex with him and thus respond in a sexy way?

Either way, I'm sorry to hear that you've been told this. It would really sting.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

sh987 said:


> For the sake of clarification...
> 
> Does that mean he doesn't find you attractive now, or that he doesn't feel like you're really into sex with him and thus respond in a sexy way?
> 
> Either way, I'm sorry to hear that you've been told this. It would really sting.


Yeah, it's been said may as well find out what it actually means.

If it's physical sexiness or dress or how the sex act is in general.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

sh987 said:


> For the sake of clarification...
> 
> Does that mean he doesn't find you attractive now, or that he doesn't feel like you're really into sex with him and thus respond in a sexy way?
> 
> Either way, I'm sorry to hear that you've been told this. It would really sting.


I'm not sure myself....

I KNOW I am into sex. I'm the HD one, I'm always chasing him around. He is the one who is often not "into it."

It baffles me that he thinks i'm the passionless one. :scratchhead:

He says he thinks I'm beautiful, but not "sexy." 

I'm assuming he doesn't think I'm naughty enough? But I don't know, I'm at a complete loss.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

sh987 said:


> For the sake of clarification...
> 
> Does that mean he doesn't find you attractive now, or that he doesn't feel like you're really into sex with him and thus respond in a sexy way?
> 
> Either way, I'm sorry to hear that you've been told this. It would really sting.


^ This.

Without knowing exactly what he means it's hard to comment on what you might do to improve things. In the meantime, hitting him over the head with a frying pan might give some satisfaction.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Yes, if the plan was to slow down my High Drive so I'd stop pestering him for sex, I think he has done it. 

I don't even want to be naked around him right now.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your husband is an ass-hat...

But aside from that... Being sexy isn't necessarily what you do in bed. It's the rest of the time too. My STBXW could give lessons about being non-sexy. Wearing big old cotton "granny panties" with holes and old enough they might have been hand-me-downs from her grandmother. Never sharing a sexual fantasy or thought with me. Not keeping the kitty trimmed (mutton chops in granny panties = not sexy). 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I think my body and the way I dress is not the problem. 

I think it's more I don't act sexy enough?

But I'm not sure what to do to improve upon that.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I don't know curious wife you have always seemed sexy to me. 
(not trying to offend or anything, I am just saying you seem sexy)

Anyway, 
I would not take it too hard because he is LD and is just making excuses to cover his own a$$.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Not for nothing but that wasn't so nice of him to say IMHO  granted he is communicating to you but i'm certain he could had found chosen better words ??

Anyways I think he needs to change his perception of you. Show him how you are indeed sexy and still very desirable ..... not only to him but to other men??!! Now dont get me wrong im not saying flirt every guy you meet but show the confidence that you have and he needs to see this in you. 

For some reason when an SO/ Husband knows that other men still takes a double take or peek at his wife .... it keeps them on their toes so to speak and they clearly see that " Hey if i dont want her then there's other gys who clearly would !! "


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

PBear said:


> Your husband is an ass-hat...
> 
> But aside from that... Being sexy isn't necessarily what you do in bed. It's the rest of the time too. My STBXW could give lessons about being non-sexy. Wearing big old cotton "granny panties" with holes and old enough they might have been hand-me-downs from her grandmother. Never sharing a sexual fantasy or thought with me. Not keeping the kitty trimmed (mutton chops in granny panties = not sexy).
> 
> ...


That's what I don't get. I'm the SEXUAL one in our relationship. I'm the one who flirts. I shave everyday. I wear sexy panties...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What a jacka$$ thing to say to your wife.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Then it's up to him to provide more information. Otherwise it's a really crappy excuse. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I need more details than that.
> 
> I already feel like I "let go."
> 
> ...


Sorry, that's what I need from my wife. The things you describe don't happen with us. Well actually nothing does now


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My husband has recently told me he doesn't find me very sexy...
> 
> I touch him while he is touching me, we kiss during sex, I make noise, and we take turns being on top.
> 
> ...


Sorry not a man... here.... But from my husband view..... (hes not into the internet or forums) so i am speaking for him now.

My husband tells me i look sexy when i am wearing a dress every saturday night, and my suspenders.... Not saying its the only time he calls me sexy or thinks i am, but we do not go out much, but we have a group of friends round, and i really make an effort on this night, and every sat without fail he hugs me, tells me i look nice and says i am sexy.

Sadly the rest of the week, is work, housework, looking after 5 children etc, so do not have much time to look sexy.

That night tho, I really like to make an effort, as i do not have the opportunity to do it much. 

It takes me 2 hours to make myself look as good as i can, and my husband loves it...... And i sure know about it at the end of the night.

PS when you say does not find you sexy, I take it in he means attractiveness ?????.... Not what you do in bed

If my husband said i was not very sexy, I would feel he meant frumpy, no makeup, hair messy??.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I don't have an outgoing strong personality.

I'm a more quiet, wall flower type. I wear mostly jeans.

So I can see how I wouldn't catch his eye as much as some big busted lady wearing stilettos and a short dress, that is confident and an attention seeker.

But dang. I got all dressed up and wore a dress Saturday and the only thing that was said to me about my looks was, "You should have put your hair up."


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## MrHappy (Oct 23, 2008)

Maybe it isn't you! From reading your other threads I think he was just talking out his a55.

I think of it as a sliding scale beautiful<->sexy<->5lutty


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Or he's being deliberately (or passively aggressively) hurtful. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Jellybeans said:


> What a jacka$$ thing to say to your wife.


Yeah, I agree. But it's actually a legitimate reason for me, unfortunately. The OP sounds like an amazing and willing lady so I don't get it


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I don't have a lot of chances to wear dresses. We don't go out to "dress affairs" very often and the few times I tried to wear a dress he said I didn't need to get dressed up that much.

Even Saturday when we went to a party he told me not to wear a dress, but I did anyway so I could look my best.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Any ideas on how to act more sexy?

I think he sees me as too much of a good girl.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

Curious, I have to agree that in seeing some of your posts i dont get where he is coming from. It sounds like he is deflecting for some reason. Plus if you asked him what he would want or think of as sexy and has no response for you than i think he should put a sock in it till he does. I am all for being honest but he could have gone about this in a nicer way to you.

Why dont you go out with friends all done up, and show a pic of some guy up on you and ask if that is what he thinks of sexy.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

My wife is also quiet, wears jeans, does not like makeup. 

That has more to do with how pretty she looks rather than sexiness. That can be sexy if it is a cue (like in the example above) she took 2 hours to make something special for her husband. (that is their dance)

For me it is just the feeling of being wanted sexually. But who knows what your hubby thinks.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> That's what I don't get. I'm the SEXUAL one in our relationship. I'm the one who flirts. I shave everyday. I wear sexy panties...


 Shut him down. Stop with the sexy undies and wear grannie panties. If he touches you, then move his hand away and give him the headache excuse. 

I think the problem is he knows your engine is always warmed up and ready to go so he can jump in and drive when ever he wants.

Once he gets the idea that you shut him off, then he's going to have to earn his way back. 

Just like a potato chip. Give him one and he'll want another. Give him the bag after bag an he gets tired of chips.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Interesting thread. I wish I had a definitive answer for you. But, because you say you're HD while he's LD, I'm not sure the standard how to be more 'sexy' answers would work. Like Pbear said, it sounds like a passive aggressive way for him to get you to stop trying to be sexual with him. Which makes no sense, because if he is that LD why does he care if you look sexy? I agree with the poster who stated sexiness is all (or mostly) about confidence. Not necessarily being overly outgoing, but knowing what you want and getting it. 

Oh, and I also agree your H is a real asshat for saying that.  Asshat. Gotta love that word.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Eagle3 said:


> Curious, I have to agree that in seeing some of your posts i dont get where he is coming from. It sounds like he is deflecting for some reason. Plus if you asked him what he would want or think of as sexy and has no response for you than i think he should put a sock in it till he does. I am all for being honest but he could have gone about this in a nicer way to you.
> 
> Why dont you go out with friends all done up, and show a pic of some guy up on you and ask if that is what he thinks of sexy.


He gave me one idea that he thinks would be sexy.

He's been bothering me since the honeymoon to give him a strip tease.

I have been wanting to give him one, but I feel so awkward. 

Especially now, I don't think I could get up and dance around for him.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> My wife is also quiet, wears jeans, does not like makeup.
> 
> That has more to do with how pretty she looks rather than sexiness. That can be sexy if it is a cue (like in the example above) she took 2 hours to make something special for her husband. (that is their dance)
> 
> For me it is just the feeling of being wanted sexually. But who knows what your hubby thinks.


I don't wear makeup either. But that has never bothered him. He says he likes me natural.

Now I feel like I have to worry what he thinks about my looks and my actions. I don't feel good enough for him anymore.

I feel like I don't turn him on, and that stings, as a woman.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

"Shut him down."

I do not agree. 
I suppose that some guys likes the chase but I think those guys are likely to be off having affairs and using dating sites. 

Most guys will not be turned on by their wife playing hard to get or rubbing up against other guys. (although if he really believes he might loose something he wants it may prompt some change)

Maybe you can ask him to identify in movies (either porn or not) when a woman is being sexy in his opinion.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

6301 said:


> Shut him down. Stop with the sexy undies and wear grannie panties. If he touches you, then move his hand away and give him the headache excuse.
> 
> I think the problem is he knows your engine is always warmed up and ready to go so he can jump in and drive when ever he wants.
> 
> ...


Maybe. I know he likes a little chase. So maybe it would be good if I take a step back for a while. I feel like I already have though the last couple weeks. And it hasn't done anything except that we had less sex this month than ever before.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Thanks for the suggestion Charlie!

I try giving him "the look" but he usually just laughs it off or says, "eh. Not now."


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I don't have an outgoing strong personality.
> 
> I'm a more quiet, wall flower type. I wear mostly jeans.
> 
> ...


I am the opposite. I am very much loud, and outspoken...... But i am a leggings sort of person also. For pretty much of the rest of the week, i am just in casual attire, that is why for me its nice to try and make an effort at least one day a week, as its a bit manic in my house being 7 of us.

I am not a big busted lady, was up until a couple of years ago, I lost weight, and lot my boobs with it, but sometimes for my hubby i like to make an effort, so once a week when we have our sat nights with our friends ( who also dress up,) I like to try and make a bit of an effort to the norm.

Wearing a dress and making your self look good once in a while does not make you an attention seeker, not in my book anyway, I could not care what anybody thinks i look like, but i do care what opinion my hubby has of me, so i like to PHOAR him once in a while to show him what he has

But you said that you did in fact make the effort saturday to impress your husband, and i have to say i was a little bit taken back by the response you got "You should have put your hair up"...... That would have really left me feeling deflated..... 

Like i said, It takes me some time to make myself feel good, so i would not expect a response like that at all.

What did you say to that??


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> He gave me one idea that he thinks would be sexy.
> 
> He's been bothering me since the honeymoon to give him a strip tease.
> 
> ...


OK. This is a big clue. (I still think he is totally out of line to have said what he did, but let's see if we can come up with something constructive for you...)

Confidence seems possibly to be the key. You have to be pretty damn confident to perform a strip-tease. If you feel awkward you could try practising in front of a mirror when you are alone.

However, maybe you could check out the theory with baby steps. Wear some overtly sexy underwear one day. Then flash him as you walk past. Or if you are in a bathrobe, open it up briefly, grinning at him, or lift up the hem to reveal your butt. When walking past him wiggle your butt but perhaps swat his hand away if he makes a move to touch it, wink at him and say something like "Naughty boy - wait for later." Seems like maybe you need to work on "come hither" stuff.

What do you normally do to initiate sex? (I assume you usually initiate if you are HD. Sorry if you have said this on other threads; I have a vague recollection you may have but I have forgotten and don't have time to go through post history right now.)


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am starting to think my husband thinks the same about me but just doesn't want to say so.

He has told me he likes me in a dress, but like you I have very little chances to wear one. Out, anyway.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> He gave me one idea that he thinks would be sexy.
> 
> He's been bothering me since the honeymoon to give him a strip tease.
> 
> ...



No? 
You never thought it would be fun to be an actress?
I have to wonder, if you are thinking about it and comparing yourself to women who do it for a living and are very, very good at it. Thus you imagine yourself as awkward and funny and not sexy at all.

But then maybe all he wants is the fun.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I don't wear makeup either. But that has never bothered him. He says he likes me natural.
> 
> Now I feel like I have to worry what he thinks about my looks and my actions. I don't feel good enough for him anymore.
> 
> I feel like I don't turn him on, and that stings, as a woman.


I am sure you still turn him on??.... Hes not said that has he??. I would be questioning him tho to why he feels i am not sexy.

I would just blatantly come out and ask him exactly what he meant.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

When he told me about the hair we were walking out the door. 

I said, "Oh no. I'm sorry. I completely forgot, and I don't have time now." I hadn't even thought about doing something with my hair.

I always leave it long. I only mastered the pony tail a couple years ago. lol. So I'm not sure what I even could have done with it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I don't wear makeup either. But that has never bothered him. He says he likes me natural.
> 
> Now I feel like I have to worry what he thinks about my looks and my actions. I don't feel good enough for him anymore.
> 
> I feel like I don't turn him on, and that stings, as a woman.


Wow. This fits my situation perfectly.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I don't have a lot of chances to wear dresses. We don't go out to "dress affairs" very often and the few times I tried to wear a dress he said I didn't need to get dressed up that much.
> 
> Even Saturday when we went to a party he told me not to wear a dress, but I did anyway so I could look my best.


See this. You say that your husband has said he does not find you sexy, but from what your saying you are indeed making an effort, so my question is.... What exactly is his problem.???

Seems like you cant win even if you try.....


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> OK. This is a big clue. (I still think he is totally out of line to have said what he did, but let's see if we can come up with something constructive for you...)
> 
> Confidence seems possibly to be the key. You have to be pretty damn confident to perform a strip-tease. If you feel awkward you could try practising in front of a mirror when you are alone.
> 
> ...


I've practiced a little. Every once in a while I will climb on top of him and do the little shimmy shake of the chest. He seems to like that, but it's about all I got. 

I can try the flashing. 

To initiate I usually smile at him and say, "So... If you're not busy maybe me can go..."

Or I might snuggle up to him and let my hands wander. 

I've tried surprising him with lingerie, or not wearing panties and letting him, "find out." 

I've also asked for a belly rub then kept saying, lower, lower. 

Or I've just started giving him a blow job. 

A plethora of ways.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> I am starting to think my husband thinks the same about me but just doesn't want to say so.
> 
> He has told me he likes me in a dress, but like you I have very little chances to wear one. Out, anyway.


I only get to wear a dress maybe once every couple months.

I went out and bought 4 last fall. But whenever I try to wear them he thinks they are "too ****ty" to be wearing out. And if I wear them in the house he just asks "whats the special occasion."

I bought a really sexy looking dress, that I wear to bed sometimes. It's short, low cut, open back. I thought I was being naughty.... But he has told me that he doesn't find it sexy, and that he doesn't like it. 

I haven't worn it since.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

melw74 said:


> See this. You say that your husband has said he does not find you sexy, but from what your saying you are indeed making an effort, so my question is.... What exactly is his problem.???
> 
> Seems like you cant win even if you try.....


That's exactly how it feels.

If I try I get shot down, or he laughs at me.

I must have no idea what he wants I guess.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I only get to wear a dress maybe once every couple months.
> 
> I went out and bought 4 last fall. But whenever I try to wear them he thinks they are "too ****ty" to be wearing out. And if I wear them in the house he just asks "whats the special occasion."
> 
> ...


I know that you are not wanting your own pity party but that is truly sad. I find confidence incredibly sexy. If my wife was confident enough to wear what you described, my hands and eyes would be all over her.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> No?
> You never thought it would be fun to be an actress?
> I have to wonder, if you are thinking about it and comparing yourself to women who do it for a living and are very, very good at it. Thus you imagine yourself as awkward and funny and not sexy at all.
> 
> But then maybe all he wants is the fun.


I've watched videos and read articles on how to do it and all that.

It's just that I don't dance normally. I'm stiff and horrible at it. So strip teasing doesn't come natural. I can't do the moves that you're suppose to. I feel stupid.

Especially now that I know he doesn't find me sexy, I'd feel weird getting up and shaking around a body that he isn't even attracted too.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Women do look sexy in dresses and lingerie in my opinion but it really does not make them more sexy. 

(or perhaps some woman may feel more sexy by wearing something and so behave differently in a more sexy way)

Seems like I read recently that the number one favorite item men like is thigh high stockings without garter-belt.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

tyler1978 said:


> I know that you are not wanting your own pity party but that is truly sad. I find confidence incredibly sexy. If my wife was confident enough to wear what you described, my hands and eyes would be all over her.


That's what I thought. I wore the dress several times to bed, and he never noticed a bit.

Then one day he came out and said, "Why don't you ever wear anything sexy to bed?"

I asked him what about the dress, or the other nightie I wear. He just told me dresses and nighties aren't sexy. 

That just tells me that he doesn't find them attractive on me.  I'm sure if a lady on tv was wearing the same thing he would look twice.

Like I said, I haven't worn either of them since.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Do you know who he does think is sexy?


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> Women do look sexy in dresses and lingerie in my opinion but it really does not make them more sexy.
> 
> (or perhaps some woman may feel more sexy by wearing something and so behave differently in a more sexy way)
> 
> Seems like I read recently that the number one favorite item men like is thigh high stockings without garter-belt.


Exactly why I don't think it's my clothes.

I think he is wanting me to act more sexy. But I'm not sure how.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> That's exactly how it feels.
> 
> *If I try I get shot down, or he laughs at me.*
> 
> I must have no idea what he wants I guess.


Wow. That is classic passive aggressive behavior.

He is getting his LD a$$ out of his husbandly duties by making you feel like a fool. There is very little worse than being laughed at.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Do you know who he does think is sexy?












This is his number one girl.

(Sorry it's so big.)


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> That's what I thought. I wore the dress several times to bed, and he never noticed a bit.
> 
> Then one day he came out and said, "Why don't you ever wear anything sexy to bed?"
> 
> ...


You may have answered this already but what does he find sexy?

I will agree with you that withholding sex is not a one-size-fits-all solution.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

How about going shopping with him, or looking through catalogues of racy lingerie and clothing if you feel a bit shy going to the shops? Get him to point out what he thinks is sexy. Be warned that it may be something you think is very cheap and tarty.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> This is his number one girl.


OK, I'll be the dummy. She's beautiful, but who is she?


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I've watched videos and read articles on how to do it and all that.
> 
> It's just that I don't dance normally. I'm stiff and horrible at it. So strip teasing doesn't come natural. I can't do the moves that you're suppose to. I feel stupid.
> 
> Especially now that I know he doesn't find me sexy, I'd feel weird getting up and shaking around a body that he isn't even attracted too.


The idea I was trying to convey is that maybe he does not expect you to be an awesome polished professional dancer. 

Maybe he just wants you to be the fun girl who can be silly?

I do not know the answer to that 
...but for me pole dancing is not all that sexy but a girl that can have fun is.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> OK, I'll be the dummy. She's beautiful, but who is she?


Take the makeup and nice shirt off and it's just another female.


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## Big Dude (Feb 24, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> He gave me one idea that he thinks would be sexy.
> 
> He's been bothering me since the honeymoon to give him a strip tease.
> 
> ...


I suspect every man has a different idea of "what is sexy." Since this is the one thing he has expressed an interest in, I would try to take him at his word. I know that I would be pretty revved up if my wife did this for me, ESPECIALLY since I know it would be as awkward for her as it would be for you.

Plus, here's an excuse for you to put on a pretty dress (and maybe put your hair up, LOL). In my case at least, it would be the effort, not the execution, that would leave me drooling.

If he doesn't respond after you doing the one thing he has said he wanted, then you can conclude that he really is dead from the waist down.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok, so she is well put together...young...fresh faced...spunky...."cute"...I'm sure you can pull that off. You should do whatever you have to do to get confidence.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Take the makeup and nice shirt off and it's just another female.


I mean, obviously she's some kind of celebrity, but I don't recognize her.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> How about going shopping with him, or looking through catalogues of racy lingerie and clothing if you feel a bit shy going to the shops? Get him to point out what he thinks is sexy. Be warned that it may be something you think is very cheap and tarty.


He won't go into lingerie shops with me. He says he wants to be surprised. 

I used to wear lingerie a lot. But I've cut back. 

I try to surprise him with it every once in a while but there is nothing worse than getting all dolled up and then coming home and seeing me and saying, "Eh. Not tonight." It hurts. So I'm a little gun shy.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> I mean, obviously she's some kind of celebrity, but I don't recognize her.



Hayden Panettiere

She was originally known as the voice of Dot, on "A bugs life."


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> He won't go into lingerie shops with me. He says he wants to be surprised.
> 
> I used to wear lingerie a lot. But I've cut back.
> 
> *I try to surprise him with it every once in a while but there is nothing worse than getting all dolled up and then coming home and seeing me and saying, "Eh. Not tonight." It hurts. So I'm a little gun shy.*


Again, classic passive aggressive.


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Hayden Panettiere
> 
> She was originally known as the voice of Dot, on "A bugs life."


I know the name. I guess I just officially got my old fart card.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok, so she is well put together...young...fresh faced...spunky...."cute"...I'm sure you can pull that off. You should do whatever you have to do to get confidence.


I look almost exactly like her...

Minus the makeup team, and professional hair dresser. 

I know he likes cute.

His second favorite person is Zooey Deschanel.

He doesn't think she is drop dead gorgeous. But he thinks she has a "cute" personality.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

When people say "sexy", they may really mean "sensual." To me, sexy/sensual is about attitude, and how that is expressed in dress, behavior, and even the way a woman looks at me.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> I know the name. I guess I just officially got my old fart card.


That doesn't make you an old fart. lol. That movie isn't that old.

We're about the same age as Hayden I think.


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> That's exactly how it feels.
> 
> If I try I get shot down, or he laughs at me.
> 
> I must have no idea what he wants I guess.


Please do not be hard on yourself. I cant see you doing anything wrong at all. You are trying, but it seems no matter how hard you try you get knocked back... this must be knocking your confidence even more.


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> That doesn't make you an old fart. lol. That movie isn't that old.
> 
> We're about the same age as Hayden I think.


Wow. You guys are just kids.  If he's only early-mid 20's and having these issues (and yes, make no mistake, this is HIS issue) the problem may be deeper than simply 'I don't find you sexy'. Something internal going on there, other than simply asshatery.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I wonder what she did to be labeled as "sexy"? 

Lots of attractive women in the world, I may think that they are pretty but sexy to me is not looks it is behavior. 

Attractiveness is based on looks and behavior.

So is he saying she looks sexy or the way she behaves in her acting roles is sexy?


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

melw74 said:


> Please do not be hard on yourself. I cant see you doing anything wrong at all. You are trying, but it seems no matter how hard you try you get knocked back... this must be knocking your confidence even more.


It is hurting my confidence. I was much more confident when we first got married. It is slowly going down.

But I don't want a pity party. I just want some ideas and what I can do to be sexy for my husband. I want him to desire me.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> Wow. You guys are just kids.  If he's only early-mid 20's and having these issues (and yes, make no mistake, this is HIS issue) the problem may be deeper than simply 'I don't find you sexy'. Something internal going on there, other than simply asshatery.


We are just kids to a lot of the folks on here.

He is very sexually immature, I know that much. He is slowly learning, but it is a very uphill battle.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> I wonder what she did to be labeled as "sexy"?
> 
> Lots of attractive women in the world, I may think that they are pretty but sexy to me is not looks it is behavior.
> 
> ...


No idea. I think he likes her looks, (blonde hair, blue eyes, young.) and her cute personality. So a little of both.


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I just posted on your other thread so forgive the repetition.

I think this is a bunch of horse carp and he is just adding another hoop for you to jump through while leading you to believe you can still win the affection you seek from him when you complete his treacherous obstacle course.

Please do not become someone you aren't.


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Pardon my enormous run-on sentence.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I agree with the poster who said your husband is an ass hat.

that said, what do I think is sexy?

Hmm, a lap dance is sexy. A girl who dresses a little slvtty and serves beer and snacks during football games is damn sexy. If she loves football she's even more sexy. Perhaps a tight jersey and panties only. Mmmm, wait, what was the question?


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Attractiveness is just that - attractiveness. Sexiness is something entirely different. The example I always give is Gina Gershon. Not exactly the classic beauty, but SEXY as all get out.

http://galleryplus.ebayimg.com/ws/web/170674296882_1_0_1/1000x1000.jpg

I don't know how to make the picture actually appear.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> I just posted on your other thread so forgive the repetition.
> 
> I think this is a bunch of horse carp and he is just adding another hoop for you to jump through while leading you to believe you can still win the affection you seek from him when you complete his treacherous obstacle course.
> 
> Please do not become someone you aren't.


That might be the longest sentence I have ever seen. :rofl:

That takes talent.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I have actually seen Zooey and think that she behaves in a sexy way and so will use her as example:

This is from Askmen.com What's Hot
Zooey Deschanel - AskMen

"Measuring in at a modest 34-24-35, Zooey Deschanel has been called "the Megan Fox of the hipster set" and her baby blues have the power to stop men in their tracks, but here she scores sex appeal points for one reason above all others: despite her lack of bombastic curves and the fact that she doesn't undergo enormous, transformative, Madonna-like changes every other month, the girl's something of a chameleon. Round-eyed girl-next-door one moment and boyish waif the next; heavy metal vixen at one turn, Hollywood glamour girl at another. And she achieves these multiple looks without having to do a whole lot. In short, her sex appeal steals a good stripper's game in that she can be whomever you want her to be."

I think this is interested because she is not that demure woman. She is a bit of a goof.


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> I just posted on your other thread so forgive the repetition.
> 
> I think this is a bunch of horse carp and he is just adding another hoop for you to jump through while leading you to believe you can still win the affection you seek from him when you complete his treacherous obstacle course.
> 
> Please do not become someone you aren't.


Third time - classic passive aggressive behavior.


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> I have actually seen Zooey and think that she behaves in a sexy way and so will use her as example:
> 
> This is from Askmen.com What's Hot
> Zooey Deschanel - AskMen
> ...


Her goofiness adds to her sexiness. Quite a feat, really.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I find confidence very sexy. I find assertiveness less sexy. Confident and submissive is a great combination.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MissScarlett said:


> I just posted on your other thread so forgive the repetition.
> 
> I think this is a bunch of horse carp and he is just adding another hoop for you to jump through while leading you to believe you can still win the affection you seek from him when you complete his treacherous obstacle course.
> 
> Please do not become someone you aren't.


Think seriously about this. I'll bet a steak dinner that if you did a perfect strip tease, he'd come up with another excuse. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> We are just kids to a lot of the folks on here.
> 
> He is very sexually immature, I know that much. He is slowly learning, but it is a very uphill battle.


Very revealing. 

I have issues as well but have fought through them. There is something going on behind the scenes with him.

Not to hijack your thread but I suffered abuse as a kid and, to say the least, it derailed my sexual train for a while. I am not saying that your husband did but I have been in a similar immature place. There were a lot of things that I would not do in my younger years. I would not communicate any of this either. My girlfriends/lovers were left to guess at what really turned me on. 

I sense that he simply does not have the confidence to simply say what he wants and be ok with it.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> Her goofiness adds to her sexiness. Quite a feat, really.


Even I can see her attractiveness as a woman. She's cute, funny, big blue eyes. What more could you want? lol.

Too bad that's not me.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

PBear said:


> Think seriously about this. I'll bet a steak dinner that if you did a perfect strip tease, he'd come up with another excuse.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh I'm sure he would. This is just the "flavor of the month."

That said, my original question still stands. lol

What can a girl do to be more sexy?


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Ok, so the 20-something dude has a 20-something wife who looks like Hayden Panettiere AND is HD, AND is bending over backward (probably literally) for him sexually and otherwise......and he ain't happy with that?


wut?


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

tyler1978 said:


> Very revealing.
> 
> I have issues as well but have fought through them. There is something going on behind the scenes with him.
> 
> ...


He had a perfect childhood. So nothing like that in his past. He has never had a really bad day in his life.

His issues are all his own.

Me on the other hand has all kinds of problems, so maybe I'm the messed up one...


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> He had a perfect childhood.


I'll translate for the 40 something crowd. He was spoiled. And his entitlement has followed him into adulthood.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Ok, so the 20-something dude has a 20-something wife who looks like Hayden Panettiere AND is HD, AND is bending over backward (probably literally) for him sexually and otherwise......and he ain't happy with that?
> 
> 
> wut?


:iagree: That does sound quite funny.

But to clarify, I'm not nearly as beautiful as Hayden. But I have potential. lol. With enough make up and professional help.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> That's what I thought. I wore the dress several times to bed, and he never noticed a bit.
> 
> Then one day he came out and said, "Why don't you ever wear anything sexy to bed?"
> 
> ...


Passive/aggressive bullsh!t. He noticed that you tried to do what he wanted, he chose to ignore it. Once you stopped trying, then he asked why aren't you trying again. This plus him laughing at you whenever you try to up your sexuality for him in the bedroom is 100% unacceptable. A husband and wife cannot fully connect in the bedroom on an intimate level unless there is 100% trust and respect between them. Trying something new can put one in a vulnurable spot that can be embarrassing - especially if it ends up being a strip tease going "wrong". 

So what does your husband do special for you to up his sexiness in the bedroom? Next time he's horny, you should ask him to do a strip tease for you. Then ask him can't he try to make himself sexier for you? I'd even tell him that he needs to up his game because the same old moves over and over again are not doing it for you like they used to. 

Maybe taking the above approach is good if you want to stand up for yourself and tell him to stop the disrespect bullsh!t. But an alternative approach would be to get him to SHOW you what he means. Don't buy the naughty clothes - take him with you to pick them out for you. Ask him what exactly does he expect. If he answers with "I don't know", then tell him that answer is unacceptable and he better try harder or you're officially dismissing his concerns out of hand.

Your husband is the type of guy that will end up on CWI in the next several years wondering "how it all went wrong"... Not saying you would ever cheat, but I'm guessing that you won't have much of a fire in your crotch if he keeps acting like a petulant child.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'll translate for the 40 something crowd. He was spoiled. And his entitlement has followed him into adulthood.


I won't disagree there. He was spoiled. He's never had to work hard for anything in his life. I'm sure he isn't going to start working hard now.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Passive/aggressive bullsh!t. He noticed that you tried to do what he wanted, he chose to ignore it. Once you stopped trying, then he asked why aren't you trying again. This plus him laughing at you whenever you try to up your sexuality for him in the bedroom is 100% unacceptable. A husband and wife cannot fully connect in the bedroom on an intimate level unless there is 100% trust and respect between them. Trying something new can put one in a vulnurable spot that can be embarrassing - especially if it ends up being a strip tease going "wrong".
> 
> So what does your husband do special for you to up his sexiness in the bedroom? Next time he's horny, you should ask him to do a strip tease for you. Then ask him can't he try to make himself sexier for you? I'd even tell him that he needs to up his game because the same old moves over and over again are not doing it for you like they used to.
> 
> ...


I don't have anything to respond to this except, your spot on.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> When I got a little frisky last night husband patted my head and said, "I know your horny. Don't worry. Maybe we will have sex on Sunday."


I'm starting to zero in on your husband. I think I've got him figured out. Being the LD partner gives him power in the relationship. He's enjoying himself, having the upper hand. He's not an equal partner. Or doesn't want to be.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Ok, so the 20-something dude has a 20-something wife who looks like Hayden Panettiere AND is HD, AND is bending over backward (probably literally) for him sexually and otherwise......and he ain't happy with that?
> 
> 
> wut?


Let's put it this way. If my wife was like the OP from an HD standpoint, we'd screw each other until we were raw and bleeding... Sorry if TMI, but damn...I'd never leave the bedroom if my wife had the sex drive of the OP because I'd be right there every step of the way.


----------



## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I won't disagree there. He was spoiled. He's never had to work hard for anything in his life. I'm sure he isn't going to start working hard now.


Another revealing clue. 

Pardon my bluntness but it seems as if it is a matter of not being confident enough to truly express his desires or that he simply does not have all that much desire. If you are the one who always approaches him about it, he can just sit back and let you come to him.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

TheCuriousWife said:


> He had a perfect childhood. So nothing like that in his past. He has never had a really bad day in his life.
> 
> His issues are all his own.
> 
> Me on the other hand has all kinds of problems, so maybe I'm the messed up one...


So when will you listen to your own advice? His issues ("he doesn't find you sexy") are all his own. What you're already doing is, by general consensus, already sexy. So let him provide his definition of "sexy" or tell him to suck it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Let's put it this way. If my wife was like the OP from an HD standpoint, we'd screw each other until we were raw and bleeding... Sorry if TMI, but damn...I'd never leave the bedroom if my wife had the sex drive of the OP because I'd be right there every step of the way.


I'd be in heaven if my husband had the drive of TAM men. I'd never get out of bed.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm starting to zero in on your husband. I think I've got him figured out. Being the LD partner gives him power in the relationship. He's enjoying himself, having the upper hand. He's not an equal partner. Or doesn't want to be.


This is true as well.


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Oh wait, I know what makes a girl sexy. Being with someone who thinks she's sexy. Who tells her and shows her she's sexy so she comes to believe that she is sexy. You cannot be confident with someone who tells you and shows you that you are not sexy.

He is doing a lot of damage in his first sexual relationship (and yours).


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

PBear said:


> So when will you listen to your own advice? His issues ("he doesn't find you sexy") are all his own. What you're already doing is, by general consensus, already sexy. So let him provide his definition of "sexy" or tell him to suck it.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's hard because the lines get blurred. When I hear his opinion every day, I struggle to recognize what is right/true and what isn't.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> Oh wait, I know what makes a girl sexy. Being with someone who thinks she's sexy. Who tells her and shows her she's sexy so she comes to believe that she is sexy. You cannot be confident with someone who tells you and shows you that you are not sexy.
> 
> He is doing a lot of damage in his first sexual relationship (and yours).


That is what I worry about the most. What kind of permanent damage and perceptions is he giving me about sex.

I already feel a lot different about it than I did when we first got married. And I don't think think the thoughts are towards the good.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

"Quite a feat, really."

Not really. She is a confident goof and confidence is sexy.

He is either purposely or unintentionally undermining your confidence. It is not obvious to me that he is passive aggressive -perhaps he believes he can be honest and talk about what sexiness is to him without your feelings being hurt. 

But I still believe this is merely an excuse because you are in fact sexy and he is LD. 

But suppose that what he is really saying is that he wants you to be more confident. (I understand, if that was his intention he did a really bad job) 

Confidence in yourself can only make you better so that is not changing for him that is changing for you. I know it is hard to have confidence in yourself when you believe that your spouse does not but try to turn this into a positive. You are intelligent, thoughtful and sexy and maybe with some time he will grow up to meet you.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> "Quite a feat, really."
> 
> Not really. She is a confident goof and confidence is sexy.
> 
> ...



That is the problem. I honestly don't believe he is purposely trying to hurt me. 

He is either really immature, really naive, or really stupid. 

Probably a mix of all three. 

I'm hoping that eventually he will grow up. I'm just not sure if I can't handle it that long.


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm starting to zero in on your husband. I think I've got him figured out. Being the LD partner gives him power in the relationship. He's enjoying himself, having the upper hand. He's not an equal partner. Or doesn't want to be.


This was exactly what I was thinking. He's on a power trip.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

TheCuriousWife said:


> That is what I worry about the most. What kind of permanent damage and perceptions is he giving me about sex.
> 
> I already feel a lot different about it than I did when we first got married. And I don't think think the thoughts are towards the good.


You should be very worried about this. He's killing you emotionally/sexually. And if you finally figure out you need out of this relationship, you'll likely have all sorts of baggage and issues that mess up the next relationship. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> "Quite a feat, really."
> 
> Not really. She is a confident goof and confidence is sexy.
> 
> ...


The reason I said it's classic passive-aggressive is because he is getting to completely alter who she is, how she thinks and how she feels, by basically doing............nothing. Nothing other than being contrary and sending mixed messages.


----------



## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

Curious, let me get this straight. You are the HD here, wear sexy lingiere, bj's, rubs on his chest to make a move etc..When you dress sexy for him he focuses on your hair, when you wear something naughty to bed he makes a comment on that. So my question what does he bring to the table in your intimacy part of the relationship? Sounds like you are ask to jump thru hoops for him and when you do what is asked he moves onto to something else.

Sorry i cant answer your question, but i my advice to you is do not get down on yourself, think of yourself as sexy and dont let this bother you. Think confident of yourself and that will come across and keep your sanity. Really wish you luck.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Yes, I agree Thunder7
It does not look good for him. (I was just trying to give him some benefit of doubt) 
...But he has been building quit a pattern.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

TCW: If you take away nothing else from your threads, please take this one thought. Most men would cut off their right arm to be with a woman that is attractive, in shape, HD AND will bend over backwards to please a man sexually. To ADD to your list of good traits, you firmly believe in monogamy. 

There is nothing wrong with you from what I can tell. The problem is all with your husband. If you don't have any kids with him, I'd strongly consider telling your husband that it's time to start giving you the love and respect you deserve, or you will divorce him. You will easily find someone who will love you for who you are so long as you INSIST that the next man in your life treat you with love and respect.

JMHO and good luck with whatever you decide.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Eagle3 said:


> Curious, let me get this straight. You are the HD here, wear sexy lingiere, bj's, rubs on his chest to make a move etc..When you dress sexy for him he focuses on your hair, when you wear something naughty to bed he makes a comment on that. So my question what does he bring to the table in your intimacy part of the relationship? Sounds like you are ask to jump thru hoops for him and when you do what is asked he moves onto to something else.
> 
> Sorry i cant answer your question, but i my advice to you is do not get down on yourself, think of yourself as sexy and dont let this bother you. Think confident of yourself and that will come across and keep your sanity. Really wish you luck.


He snuggles me, and rubs my back or belly. Most times we have sex he will manually bring me to orgasm. He talks dirty sometimes. 

He doesn't bring a whole lot, but if you asked him the same question he probably won't come up with much about me either. :scratchhead:

I'm keep trying to keep my head up. In the meantime, if anyone has ideas on being sexy, please share!


----------



## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

The Curious Wife:

You sound like an amazing wife, you shave everyday, wear sexy panties, are relatively slim, you wear dresses and like SEX!

Wow, you have most of the men here salivating and getting aroused reading this.

You are sexy, first of all.

Now ask yourself this, is your man that sexy himself??

Does he have a six pack stomach, does he have nice hair, does he dress perfectly, does he help with cooking and cleaning, is he well endowed and does he do "Manscaping"?

I ask this because he says you aren't sexy, who does he think he is? Is he Ryan Gosling or Mathew McConaheigh type that he thinks he is all that and is irrestible to all women and you should be honoured that he picked you.

It sounds like he needs a reality check. I seriously don't think he can do better. Some guys think they are all that and expect a woman to beckon their call.

I never tell my wife she isn't sexy even though she is 15+ lbs overweight with a big stomach. I still treat her well and I am lucky to get a BJ once a month, never spontaneous just after begging. I am lucky to have sexy once or twice a month and most of it is missionary, nothing wild but such is life.

I don't understand some men nowadays who have it all but still aren't happy!


----------



## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Eagle3 said:


> So my question what does he bring to the table in your intimacy part of the relationship?


Nothing much, apparently. Except criticism. 

I had a discussion in the private message section of TAM with someone a few weeks ago. She was dealing with a similar issue. The one piece of advice I could offer was that someone who is passive-aggressive can only be passive-aggressive if you allow them to be.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> TCW: If you take away nothing else from your threads, please take this one thought. Most men would cut off their right arm to be with a woman that is attractive, in shape, HD AND will bend over backwards to please a man sexually. To ADD to your list of good traits, you firmly believe in monogamy.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with you from what I can tell. The problem is all with your husband. If you don't have any kids with him, I'd strongly consider telling your husband that it's time to start giving you the love and respect you deserve, or you will divorce him. You will easily find someone who will love you for who you are so long as you INSIST that the next man in your life treat you with love and respect.
> 
> JMHO and good luck with whatever you decide.


Thanks for the kind words. 

If I ever find myself "husband shopping" again, I will be sure to bring them to TAM for approval.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Thanks for the kind words.
> 
> If I ever find myself "husband shopping" again, I will be sure to bring them to TAM for approval.


:scratchhead: Did I offend you? If so, I apologize and will bow out of your thread to let the others help you out.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Marriedand40 said:


> The Curious Wife:
> 
> You sound like an amazing wife, you shave everyday, wear sexy panties, are relatively slim, you wear dresses and like SEX!
> 
> ...



Again thank you for the kind words! I really appreciate it!

My husband is pretty hot. He gets most of your checks. I'm sure he would have no problem finding a new girl, at least until they discovered his sexual problems. (Most girls probably wouldn't mind a low sex life.)

That said, I don't think he is better than me, or that I should be honored. I'd do okay myself. 

He often tells me how lucky he is that I picked him. I just wish he'd show it more. He is all talk, and no action.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> :scratchhead: Did I offend you? If so, I apologize and will bow out of your thread to let the others help you out.


Oh NO! Not at all! That wasn't sarcasm. I was being for real! lol

It's hard to tell over the internet.  I loved your post.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Still at square one. 

Any sexy tips?


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> TCW: *If you take away nothing else from your threads, please take this one thought. Most men would cut off their right arm to be with a woman that is attractive, in shape, HD AND will bend over backwards to please a man sexually. To ADD to your list of good traits, you firmly believe in monogamy. *
> 
> There is nothing wrong with you from what I can tell. The problem is all with your husband. If you don't have any kids with him, I'd strongly consider telling your husband that it's time to start giving you the love and respect you deserve, or you will divorce him. You will easily find someone who will love you for who you are so long as you INSIST that the next man in your life treat you with love and respect.
> 
> JMHO and good luck with whatever you decide.


I am one of them, and I have found her, and am going to marry her. Fortunately, she didn't want me to cut off my right arm, or any other appendage for that matter. Just keep treating her the way I have 

No TCW, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I know I have had some very strong words for you in the past, but it has become so obvious that your husband just does not love you in the way you need to be loved, and he has shown no capability or desire to learn.

Telling you he doesn't find you sexy? That is just him moving the goal posts on you YET AGAIN. The handjob? You know better than that...you are sounding like a completely defeated woman, and he has done that to you. You need to face up to what is happening here and do something about it.

By the way, my STBW comes to bed in a t-shirt and pajama pants almost every night. She never wears any make up, usually just puts her hair up in a barrett, and she is always sexy as hell to me.


----------



## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Still at square one.
> 
> Any sexy tips?


Are you genuinely seeking advice? Because everyone has given you plenty of it.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> I am one of them, and I have found her, and am going to marry her. Fortunately, she didn't want me to cut off my right arm, or any other appendage for that matter. Just keep treating her the way I have
> 
> No TCW, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I know I have had some very strong words for you in the past, but it has become so obvious that your husband just does not love you in the way you need to be loved, and he has shown no capability or desire to learn.
> 
> ...


Thanks for posting. I needed you to smack some sense into me.

And I know better about the hj. It wasn't my best moment, I'll own up to that. 

Sigh. I love and hate your posts at the same time. You have everything I want, and it makes me happy to see someone so fulfilled. At the same time it makes me jealous! lol.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

skype said:


> Are you genuinely seeking advice? Because everyone has given you plenty of it.


I know I have plenty of good advice. Just not for the question I was posing.

I would genuinely like to find out the secrets to being sexy.

I didn't mean to turn this thread into the story of my husband problems. That is what my other thread is for. lol


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I know I have plenty of good advice. Just not for the question I was posing.
> 
> I would genuinely like to find out the secrets to being sexy.
> 
> *I didn't mean to turn this thread into the story of my husband problems*. That is what my other thread is for. lol


The thing is, they are one in the same. Everything you have done, do, and continue to do IS sexy by any standard, and even your husbands standards, by his own fvcking words! Yet he moves the goal posts on you again, and keeps doing it...


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

To answer the question of the OP, it all boils down to confidence. A woman that is comfortable in her own skin and is uninhibited in the bedroom is sexy to most men. The husband that we have been dissecting brings the element of manipulation into the game. As Samyeager puts it, he keeps moving the goal posts. TCW can be as confident and self-assured as she wants but the object of this desire keeps moving the target so it is a bit of a futile exercise.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I do not think we would ever be able to say because it seems all the things that are sexy to us, you have already been doing. 

Instead of encouraging you to do more of that he seems to discount the effort. 

To be honest my wife is not all that sexy and I made the terrible mistake of basically telling her so. At the time it did not occur to me that being sexy was any goal of hers. She has never worn any sexy undies or made any effort that I know of in her entire life to be sexy. So it was more matter of fact -do you think I'm sexy? -Not really, where you trying to be? 

-I know, I am stupid. Hopefully I learned better though.

In my case I would have been more than happy to give her many tips but she never asked and decided to withdraw more instead.

So now my advice is always lie.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Thanks for posting. I needed you to smack some sense into me.
> 
> And I know better about the hj. It wasn't my best moment, I'll own up to that.
> 
> Sigh. I love and hate your posts at the same time. You have everything I want, and it makes me happy to see someone so fulfilled. At the same time it makes me jealous! lol.


I really don't want to drag you down any further than you are, and I hope you know that nothing I have ever said was with any intent to hurt you or make you feel worse.

You really have a lot to offer, and it is being sucked out of you with no one having anything to show for it.

I may have everything you are looking for, but I'm nothing special. Just a man truly in love with his woman.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I know I have plenty of good advice. Just not for the question I was posing.
> 
> I would genuinely like to find out the secrets to being sexy.
> 
> I didn't mean to turn this thread into the story of my husband problems. That is what my other thread is for. lol


You're original question is 'What is sexy?'. That is a very subjective question. What is sexy for one person may be downright gross to the next. What I think you were really asking is 'what can I do to be more sexy?'. To that, I'd say, asked and answered. The general consensus here, especially among the men, is that you are sexy as hell already. The fact that your H doesn't see it, and continues to play games with your psyche is HIS issue. Don't make it yours.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Well poop. 

I guess I was hoping for some magical answer. 

I'd still love to continue growing my sexuality. Not for my husband, but for me. So if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears.

Otherwise I will just accept the fact that I am sexy, and my husband is just crazy.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Well poop.
> 
> I guess I was hoping for some magical answer.
> 
> ...


Oh well spotted!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

TheCuriousWife said:


> It's hard because the lines get blurred. When I hear his opinion every day, I struggle to recognize what is right/true and what isn't.


You know what's really really hard? Trying to meet the needs of someone who keeps moving the goalposts on you.

You know what's really painful? Realizing you gave the best years of your sexual life to someone who would have rather played video games than have sex with you. 

But carry on...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

PBear said:


> You know what's really really hard? Trying to meet the needs of someone who keeps moving the goalposts on you.
> 
> You know what's really painful? Realizing you gave the best years of your sexual life to someone who would have rather played video games than have sex with you.
> 
> ...


Ouch. True


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Passive/aggressive bullsh!t. He noticed that you tried to do what he wanted, he chose to ignore it. Once you stopped trying, then he asked why aren't you trying again. This plus him laughing at you whenever you try to up your sexuality for him in the bedroom is 100% unacceptable. A husband and wife cannot fully connect in the bedroom on an intimate level unless there is 100% trust and respect between them. Trying something new can put one in a vulnurable spot that can be embarrassing - especially if it ends up being a strip tease going "wrong".
> 
> So what does your husband do special for you to up his sexiness in the bedroom? Next time he's horny, you should ask him to do a strip tease for you. Then ask him can't he try to make himself sexier for you? I'd even tell him that he needs to up his game because the same old moves over and over again are not doing it for you like they used to.
> 
> ...


I agree. I think your husband knows exactly what he is doing. It's mean and disrespectful . Sexiness is more about attitude more than anything else. If he finds you beautiful and he loves you there is no reason why he can't find you sexy as well. His ridiculous and contradictory comments should show you not to take things so personally, hard i know he is your husband but he is being really hurtful to you. Although he seems manipulative and childish and I'm not blaming you at all but the thing that may be turning him off is your very strong and obvious approval seeking behavior. It shows a lack of confidence and dependency that can cause him too disrespect you. Know and believe that you are sexy and that's what you will exude,Start developing your confidence...feeling good about yourself independent of him or how he thinks , Feels or responds to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Well poop.
> 
> I guess I was hoping for some magical answer.
> 
> ...


Sing it: "I'm too sexy for my hubby, too sexy for my hubby......"

Wow, really showing my age now.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I know I have plenty of good advice. Just not for the question I was posing.
> 
> I would genuinely like to find out the secrets to being sexy.
> 
> I didn't mean to turn this thread into the story of my husband problems. That is what my other thread is for. lol


I really don't think there is a secret. It's not really about a dress, or an outfit necessarily. It's not a certain look you can give or even some kind of sexual "move." It's an attitude, confidence, being comfortable in your own skin, the way you carry yourself.That's sexy! I think you are looking at this In the wrong way and I think your husband is beating down your confidence. All of the more standard sexy things (lingerie, HD, enthusiastic, etc.) you already have and do. Frankly I don't think there is a thing wrong with you except possibly low self esteem... it's your husband who has issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> Sing it: "I'm too sexy for my hubby, too sexy for my hubby......"
> 
> Wow, really showing my age now.


Lmao... That is exactly what she should be singing!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

inarut said:


> I really don't think there is a secret. It's not really about a dress, or an outfit necessarily. It's not a certain look you can give or even some kind of sexual "move." It's an attitude, confidence, being comfortable in your own skin, the way you carry yourself.That's sexy! I think you are looking at this In the wrong way and I think your husband is beating down your confidence. All of the more standard sexy things (lingerie, HD, enthusiastic, etc.) you already have and do. Frankly I don't think there is a thing wrong with you except possibly low self esteem... it's your husband who has issues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I only got low self esteem after being married. 

That is a sad statement.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I only got low self esteem after being married.
> 
> That is a sad statement.


And it will only get worse. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> I only got low self esteem after being married.
> 
> That is a sad statement.


Yes it is. And what is the biggest difference between before and after? HIM!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Also consider for a moment the difference between "you're not sexy" vs "that dress is not sexy", or "that behavior is not sexy". The first is a value judgment on you. The other two are not. My wife and I have our issues for sure, and she often informs me of behavior or clothing that is unsexy (she really hates my jorts). I return the favor in kind, and I've even secretly thrown away a pair of her most unflattering sweatpants. But I'd NEVER tell her that she isn't sexy.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I have to say he is an asshat as well but having said that; very naughty works for me. Also confidence in your own sexiieness. Take a look at a little porn and forget about the act itself but look at the mannerisms of the females. Look at the looks they give the guys and the way they look like they know they are sexy desireable. The energy and egarness is a factor too. Forget what he said and use a little makeup too just to change it up a little.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> Also consider for a moment the difference between "you're not sexy" vs "that dress is not sexy", or "that behavior is not sexy". The first is a value judgment on you. The other two are not. My wife and I have our issues for sure, and she often informs me of behavior or clothing that is unsexy (she really hates my jorts). I return the favor in kind, and I've even secretly thrown away a pair of her most unflattering sweatpants. But I'd NEVER tell her that she isn't sexy.


I'd be fine if he told me an outfit wasn't sexy. Or an annoying habit wasn't sexy. But his exact words were, "You aren't very sexy." & "Maybe I'd like sex more if you acted sexy more."


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Stonewall said:


> I have to say he is an asshat as well but having said that; very naughty works for me. Also confidence in your own sexiieness. Take a look at a little porn and forget about the act itself but look at the mannerisms of the females. Look at the looks they give the guys and the way they look like they know they are sexy desireable. The energy and egarness is a factor too. Forget what he said and use a little makeup too just to change it up a little.


Thanks for your input. I'll try to crank it up a notch.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Thanks for your input. I'll try to crank it up a notch.


Make sure you have your mind reading hat on before you do so that you will know what he will be thinking next week, next month, next year.


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

A sexually aggressive woman is sexy to me. One that's not afraid to have fun.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Sexy is to be genuine for the most part. Not when one behaves thinking that they have to be sexy because they are a size 2, 34c, etc. One can be a size 14, 38dd, etc, but because of the way they carry themselves they are sexy as can be.

Dressing nicely helps. Not letting yourself go helps if you're older. Putting the effort helps. Up to 50 years old my wife looked and dressed like someone 10-15 years younger. After 50, and after working from home, she pretty much has to have an argument to dress properly when going to the store. When she wants to look good she looks very good, but the difference is that doing it innately (being genuine) is what makes it sexy. Not because her daughters refuse to go to dinner with her because she dresses horribly.

Be yourself, and the rest will take care of itself. Try to be someone else and it may work for a while but not for long.

And, if you got it, show it. My wife dresses up nicely when we go on a cruise. Exquisitely nicely. She really gets many looks. Size 6, darker skin, raven hair, excellent outfits, the works. The transition to genuine is to dress like that every day because you want to, not because your kids pester you. She does not, because of her fear she will wear out her clothes. No kidding. That's where the difference between genuine and artificial comes to play.

Me? I'm no Johnny Weissmuller - the Tarzan guy if you're younger - but I look and act the part of a mid 50's science guy. And I do make an effort to look the part.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My husband has recently told me he doesn't find me very sexy...
> 
> I touch him while he is touching me, we kiss during sex, I make noise, and we take turns being on top.
> 
> ...


Just to *be*. After 25 years, she still turns me on.

Your husband is... well, he shouldn't have said that.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Why would you want to be sexy for someone who puts you down, criticises you and doesn't love you? Who cares what he thinks is sexy? 

And there's no one answer to your question. Different people find different things sexy.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Well, first off, he does sound pretty manipulative & has little regard for your feelings..so sorry 
Essentially, it seems like he gets off knowing you will bend over backward, (so to speak) to try & please him. Yet it seems he knows he really isn't going to do anything about it.

At this point, if I were you, I'd continue to cool way down in the bedroom. He's used to getting what he wants- stun him by new actions.
Quit showing you care much. That just may be what you need to do to get him to see you as the sexy, desirable woman that you are.

If he's truly LD, like you say, the hottest girl on earth may not register as very sexy TO HIM. That's important to internalize.
Do you feel sexy? I mean before his lame comment about not being sexy..?
If yes, then baby, you are a sexy mama! No other person can change that!

In answer to your question..One thing I know is sexy & very alluring is a woman who is very present & connected to the moment. 
Not overly absorbed in thought, not distracted, but very rooted in the moment, soft & feminine: ) 
(Not to be mistaken as weak or passive..)

Don't worry or show you care too much about his opinions of you anymore. 
He'll start to wonder why his cute little puppy stopped following him around.

Go ahead & tell him that what he said was bull****, especially if he cannot offer any solutions. 
He should be able to communicate what he actually wants..problem is, I bet he doesn't even know.

Lastly, you seem so awesome! Keep working on yourself to get stronger emotionally & more independent in your thoughts.
I feel like you need to stop depending on a loose canon for your stability. 
You are completely worthy all on your own: ) xo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> He gave me one idea that he thinks would be sexy.
> 
> He's been bothering me since the honeymoon to give him a strip tease.
> 
> ...


Did you see the movie True Lies with Jamie Lee Curtis? Her strip tease in this movie was priceless, and very, very sexy. She was new at it as well. It is a great scene.

She would get an A for confidence and an A+ for getting out of her box and trying this. For what it's worth, I would also love for my wife to do this type of strip tease too.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> Did you see the movie True Lies with Jamie Lee Curtis? Her strip tease in this movie was priceless, and very, very sexy. She was new at it as well. It is a great scene.
> 
> She would get an A for confidence and an A+ for getting out of her box and trying this. For what it's worth, I would also love for my wife to do this type of strip tease too.


The OP would get way better results by playing hard to get. When a person has access to sex all the time and he is LD, he doesn't desire sex as much and he throws excuses as to why he doesn't want sex. In this case, if she does what you guys and gals are suggesting as far as sexiness is concerned,he will think of another reason to give her. It will never increase his desire, he just wants to send her on yet another wild goose chase to find something to tap into his libido.

From her other thread he sounds like a genuine LD. He was not interested in sex all that much before and not now. Many men would want to enjoy their wife's high desire, not make excuse after excuse as to why she is not sexy. He doesn't even give her guidelines on what HE HIMSELF would find sexy. Because that would be too easy. She has to come on TAM where people would give her 50 million things on what they find sexy. This is because his main objective is to stop her from pursuing him for sex, because he doesn't want it as much. Being male and LD may encourage him to continue this treatment of his wife, being genuine and truthful would make him seem less manly. 

He just doesn't want as much sex as you, so instead of ramping up the sexual behavior you need to go the opposite direction and lay off. Not so that he would want it more but as a way to gain focus on other aspects of the relationship. Is he passive aggressive in other ways as well?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

techmom said:


> The OP would get way better results by playing hard to get. When a person has access to sex all the time and he is LD, he doesn't desire sex as much and he throws excuses as to why he doesn't want sex. In this case, if she does what you guys and gals are suggesting as far as sexiness is concerned,he will think of another reason to give her. It will never increase his desire, he just wants to send her on yet another wild goose chase to find something to tap into his libido.
> 
> From her other thread he sounds like a genuine LD. He was not interested in sex all that much before and not now. Many men would want to enjoy their wife's high desire, not make excuse after excuse as to why she is not sexy. He doesn't even give her guidelines on what HE HIMSELF would find sexy. Because that would be too easy. She has to come on TAM where people would give her 50 million things on what they find sexy. This is because his main objective is to stop her from pursuing him for sex, because he doesn't want it as much. Being male and LD may encourage him to continue this treatment of his wife, being genuine and truthful would make him seem less manly.
> 
> He just doesn't want as much sex as you, so instead of ramping up the sexual behavior you need to go the opposite direction and lay off. Not so that he would want it more but as a way to gain focus on other aspects of the relationship. Is he passive aggressive in other ways as well?


There are certainly some LD indicators with her husband, but I have a hard time overlooking the fact that he is always up for a bj,hj, quickie, so it's not LD for the sexual release, it's LD for pleasing his wife. His constant moving of the goal posts is nothing more than finding reasons to blame her for his lack of effort, not desire.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Selfish far more than LD in my book.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> There are certainly some LD indicators with her husband, but I have a hard time overlooking the fact that he is always up for a bj,hj, quickie, so it's not LD for the sexual release, it's LD for pleasing his wife. His constant moving of the goal posts is nothing more than finding reasons to blame her for his lack of effort, not desire.


This is true. However some LD men just enjoy the quick release because it isnot involved. LD men and LD wwomen are different in that way it seems. The sexual desire aspect is low, but biologically he still needs to release because he is a young male.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

techmom said:


> This is true. However some LD men just enjoy the quick release because it isnot involved. LD men and LD wwomen are different in that way it seems. *The sexual desire aspect is low, but biologically he still needs to release because he is a young male*.


And of course why take the time and effort to masturbate, when you have a live in masturbation tool to do the work for you...


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Threetimesalady said:


> Sexy is when your husband/lover tells you that your the best f**k there is....Gratitude as well as assurance is when he tells you after he just made love to you, that even if you had an affair that he could never let you go...The last comment was what he said to me in the last year and left me in tears....
> 
> I guess these are some of the reasons I write here...That being to let more know that after 55 years of marriage that sex and closeness helps make us who we are...We could live without it if medically it was necessary, but we have been blessed...I just adore him...
> 
> One more thing...Sexy is knowing it...And I know I am sexy....This is called confidence....



Very well said Threetimesalady! :smthumbup:

A confident woman is a VERY sexy woman in my book!

I recently saw the movie The Thomas Crown Affair on TV again...and one of the things I like about this movie is how sexy and alluring Rene Russo is. She is so sexy and alluring BECAUSE she oozes confidence though out the entire movie.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> Did you see the movie True Lies with Jamie Lee Curtis? Her strip tease in this movie was priceless, and very, very sexy. She was new at it as well. It is a great scene.
> 
> She would get an A for confidence and an A+ for getting out of her box and trying this. For what it's worth, I would also love for my wife to do this type of strip tease too.


That was my favorite scene from that movie.
God Jamie Lee was hot! But I have always thought she was attractive.

My wife recently did her first strip for me after 22 years of marriage. I loved it and the sex was really great afterwards.

However... it does sound like other issues are at play in OPs life.
Her H needs to step up more, not her. I appreciate her willingness to work on her marriage but I hope her H wakes up and starts working as well. It takes two.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Even with the strip tease request (if you did decide to try) I would certainly make him do something equally difficult for you. (just for grins and it is only fair)

Make him buy some valentine's day underwear and do a strip tease for you.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> And of course why take the time and effort to masturbate, when you have a live in masturbation tool to do the work for you...


Harsh but so true.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Your husband should NEVER tell you that you are not sexy... that is a big NO NO. I am sorry he did that. Shame on him!
> 
> Sexy is a state of mind. Sexy is an attitude. If a woman feels sexy...she will exude it to others. I can be the sexiest woman on earth. Sometimes clothes help, or makeup, or a hairdo or shoes. But the most important thing is if you feel sexy....YOU ARE!!!!


:iagree: Very well said Mrs. John Adams!!!!!


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Thanks for all the advice guys! I really appreciate it.

And as a side note, I think I'm pretty darn sexy.

I may be the quiet church mouse in public, but I think I'm pretty wild sexually.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Thanks for all the advice guys! I really appreciate it.
> 
> And as a side note, I think I'm pretty darn sexy.
> 
> I may be the quiet church mouse in public, but I think I'm pretty wild sexually.


There you go girl! Keep thinking positive about yourself :smthumbup:


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

TheCuriousWife said:


> And as a side note, I think I'm pretty darn sexy.


THAT confidence in your sentence is SEXY!!!! 

Very nice CuriousWife


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Sexy for me is for a lady that is committed to think and dream of ways of being sexual. To engage in conversations like, "I had this really hot dream last night and would love for you to tie me up and make me into your toy." 

I was on the innerweb and found this really cool toy and would love to try it out sometime. 

Sitting at a bar and have her lean over and whisper. I didn't wear any panties tonight just for you.

Come home form work and have her grab my package and say I cant wait to take my toy out tonight and play with it.

Come out of a shower and find the candles lite and the massage table set up. Her in a sexy outfit saying I am so glad you picked me I am going to give you a very special ending.

Those kind of things would be sexy to me.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I for one don't get the "beautiful, but not sexy" thing.

to me; beautiful/pretty + women = sexy.

very simple equation, never fails...........


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Sexy is beyond pretty or beautiful. It helps to be pretty or beautiful but not necessarily a requirement.

Sexy also has to tickle the imagination. For example, Miley Cyrus may be good looking and pretty but I don't think she is remotely sexy....


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

There is this woman at work who is mid fifties, pretty average looks, average body, dresses decently, not a lot of makeup. Objectively, pretty plain and average...and this is where Faithful Wife's sex-dar comes in. Something about her though just struck me, and then it happened. Her husband came up to have lunch with her one day, and it was a full on tongue in mouth kiss, ass grabs, and now looking back on it, there have been a few times where they have disappeared for a while, and her hair is a bit different than when she left  Yeah, she is sexy.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> There is this woman at work who is mid fifties, pretty average looks, average body, dresses decently, not a lot of makeup. Objectively, pretty plain and average...and this is where Faithful Wife's sex-dar comes in. Something about her though just struck me, and then it happened. Her husband came up to have lunch with her one day, and it was a full on tongue in mouth kiss, ass grabs, and now looking back on it, there have been a few times where they have disappeared for a while, and her hair is a bit different than when she left  Yeah, she is sexy.


His endless pot of lust. Great wife, great life.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> I for one don't get the "beautiful, but not sexy" thing.
> 
> to me; beautiful/pretty + women = sexy.
> 
> very simple equation, never fails...........


I'll show my age here, but I'll give it a shot. Heather Locklear - very pretty, but kinda plastic. Not really sexy. Gina Gershon - not a classic beauty, but sexy as all f'n hell. Just one example.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Since TheCuriousWife's questions have been pretty well covered and this thread is still of interest I thought: 

In the spirit of fair play, maybe we should turn this around and ask what is sexy for the girls. (for us guys to be more sexy to please them)

I would be hard to convince that I could actually change my behavior in some way to make my wife want me more often but it never hurts to try to up your game.

So here are some obvious things:
Good hygiene -freshly showered, nails trimmed, mouth freshly cleaned, etc..
Good health not excessively over weight, no bad habits

I keep my pubes pretty well trimmed down because I read somewhere it makes your thingy look bigger and I just think that it gets in the way.
I usually put on a bit of cologne (also down under)
I would not mind doing a strip tease for my wife but I think she would just laugh at me. (which I do not mind if that was a turn on for her)

Believe it or not early on in our relationship one day I casually worked my hand up her thigh while we where watching TV and she actually got mad at me and accused me of trying to manipulate her into wanting sex later that night.

I mean it is true that I was but I did not know that was a bad thing.

I try to do special things for her but that never seems to get me laid. Not sure if she really cares whether I touch her on a daily basis or not. She is just never been a touchy woman. She describes us as non-romantic (I describe her as non-romantic)

But maybe I have just assumed that she is not. I did send her a naughty valentines card once which again she found amusing. But I do not text her sexy messages or try to call her during the day.

What else?


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I find it sexy when my husband comes up and asks me, "Baby is there anything I can help you with?"

There is nothing worse than me slaving away, over the stove and he comes home and the first thing he does is flop on the couch and turn on the tv. 

I love it when he rubs my tummy or my legs, or anything really while we are relaxing. 

Probably the most sexy thing he could do though would be to come up to me, grab me a little forcefully. And say something along the lines of, "I've been thinking of you all day. I can't help myself. You look so good in xyz. We are going to go do xyz right now." And then he drags me off to the bedroom with some aggression and urgency. 

Dang that would be hot.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Yeah you know got me thinking that maybe I have allowed myself to be too passive. 

Particularly since my wife seems to respond favorably to routine sometimes it is hard to keep up the pre sex tension. 

I mean we have sex around noon on Sunday. 
I take my shower etc.. she plays games or reads detective stories on her pad. 
I say ready whenever you are. 
She says OK be there as soon as I finish this game level or chapter or whatever.
We go into the bedroom -her on her side, me on mine
we leave are shirts on because it is cold or because she always leaves her shirt on. 
She lays down, I sit beside her
We touch until she has an O
she gives me some oral
we have PiV
cuddle for thirty minutes
and done

I doubt we have done one thing different in two years. 

Really makes it tough for me to get real enthusiastic about sex but I have to wonder if maybe I have been a little to passive. 

But then again, sometimes if I am anxious to get started and I show it she will say "Does it have to be right now? Can I just finish this first?

So maybe there is nothing to be done.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> Yeah you know got me thinking that maybe I have allowed myself to be too passive.
> 
> Particularly since my wife seems to respond favorably to routine sometimes it is hard to keep up the pre sex tension.
> 
> ...


I'm sure she's comfortable within that routine.

Imagine how it feels to be completely sex starved, and affection starved for years at a time?


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

usmarriedguy said:


> I mean we have sex around noon on Sunday.
> I take my shower etc.. she plays games or reads detective stories on her pad.
> I say ready whenever you are.
> She says OK be there as soon as I finish this game level or chapter or whatever.
> ...


Our routine is the same. Except we do get naked, and there is no cuddling afterwards. It is frustrating to do the same thing every time. It's hard to get excited.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

usmarriedguy said:


> I mean we have sex around noon on Sunday.
> I take my shower etc.. she plays games or reads detective stories on her pad.
> I say ready whenever you are.
> She says OK be there as soon as I finish this game level or chapter or whatever.
> ...


That sounds so structured and planned to me....like she wants to just get it done. Does she ever respond to advances in the middle of the week? Is she more responsive on vacation?


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

TheCuriousWife said:


> Our routine is the same. Except we do get naked, and there is no cuddling afterwards. It is frustrating to do the same thing every time. It's hard to get excited.


Yes, it seems to be pretty common behavior for LD people for some reason. 

I think this is harder on women than it is on men because of social stereotyping and maybe genetic preferences women seem to crave being wanted a bit more. 

I guess maybe I should figure out ways to make her feel wanted without her feeling crowded or pushed. But it is like trying to be assertive without being assertive. 

In other words if I did what you said would be hot she would most likely give me the deer in the headlights look. "Huh, you mean right now?"

For some reason she has to work herself up to it but once it gets going she likes sex. Last time we where cuddling afterwards she said "I really like Sundays"


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My STBW and I are pretty routine as well, and we have talked about that. WHat I find interesting is the complete difference in feelings about that compared to others here. That is not to say that it is exactly the same thing every time because it's not, but I guess the important thing is that we are both happy and completely satisfied. Our relationship is so good in the other ways that there are never any feelings of duty sex, or wondering about how genuine it is, where it seems that the same actions in other contexts for other people bring very different feelings to the surface.

We pretty much operate under the assumption that we are going to have sex every night, and pretty much any chance we get, so in a lot of ways there is no special preparation, or signals sent out. She can come to bed naked, in lingerie, sweats and a t-shirt, flannel night gown, and there is no message being sent left to interpret. It's just part of our routine which in our case, I think is a really good thing as it keeps a constant sexual undercurrent and tension.

The other day, a while after she woke up, I let her know a couple of things I wanted to do like getting a haircut and such. I knew her schedule, so we figured out when to do things, and she just point blank asked "So when do you want to have sex?" This was around 10:30 am after we'd had sex ten times in the past three days.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Sexy begins with

*Attitude* Think and be sexual


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

For a quarter of a century I was the in a marriage where I loved, desired and wanted my wife's every move. I thought up sexy scenarios, asked her what turned her on. She just had to be "in the mood" or there was no reason, or o reason she would give me.

Later I apparently developed appalling breath and kisses were gone. I scrubbed, went to the dentist, then the gym.
Nothing worked. I turned myself inside out for 15 years trying to get her to find me attractive. She maintained that she was just very low sex drive and i accepted this. We came to an agreement which just served to reduce intimacy. 
Sunday night from behind until done. 

A few years went by and I tried less and less. She didn't seem to notice and the intimacy reduced between us. She did notice though and missed it. She left me for another man saying to me that "I am sexually fulfilled now" 

This how I ended up here. 

I finally realized that during that entire time she was with me was she was "just not in to me" and after such a long time that was gutting.

She is very attractive (model level) but the least sexy person to me now. Not because she is un-sexy but because she is just not in to me.

Three years later and I am with a woman who finds me sexy. I find her sexy. We dare not kiss in public because it drives us both wild. She is not model level but the most sexy woman on the planet.
We have sex whenever we can.

This will not improve as you get older. By the time you get to 40 you will be climbing the walls. This is probably not what you want to hear, but this is a very serious issues which may need some radical action. 

If he is not into you think about moving on.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Yoga pants.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

The above post by ING links in with another recent thread...something about attraction and good looks.

ING says he was married to a 'very attractive model level' woman. he tried everything to encourage her to love and want him. It failed. 

he has since found someone who is not model level but with whom he clicks and is far more intimate and more often than he was with his wife.

Just shows that she can be absolutely stunning but treat you like $hit....... I'd rather be well into someone on an emotional level first....

Unless I just want a shag!!!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

This could be very sexy on my wife!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

askari said:


> The above post by ING links in with another recent thread...something about attraction and good looks.
> 
> ING says he was married to a 'very attractive model level' woman. he tried everything to encourage her to love and want him. It failed.
> 
> ...


Even if you want to shag, you might prefer to shag someone who is into sex, than has a million hangups but their stunningly attractive.


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## 312cpl (Jan 27, 2014)

my wifes legs are so sexy...including her feet.
before our marriage issues, I would give her "non-obligatory" back rubs with baby oil. from her neck to her feet and back up to her neck. Non-obligatory means she gets to go to sleep aright after, completely relaxed and not required to have sex. This way she just falls asleep relaxed. :sleeping:


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## MisterG (Jan 24, 2014)

treyvion said:


> Even if you want to shag, you might prefer to shag someone who is into sex, than has a million hangups but their stunningly attractive.


I agree. Physical attractiveness is certainly important, but I think attitude is a bigger factor in being sexy. 

I want to feel like my partner is really into me. Things like flirting during the day to generate some sexual tension, and at least a little aggressiveness during sex make a big difference. 

One person can keep this up for a while and try to drive the sex life, but for it to work long term I think both parties need to be sexy for each other.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> This could be very sexy on my wife!


Alright INTD, you trying to get this thread closed down!

And yes, that was a hella sexy outfit! I bet you would look great in it! :rofl:


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

I sometimes do laundry

empty the diswasher

sweep & swiffer the kitchen floor

Oprah foreplay points ??

I think I look stupid


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Dancer's have the best legs...and legs are sexy!


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Seeing those muscles - you know what's sexy on men? The abdominal V.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> Dancer's have the best legs...and legs are sexy!


You are a damn psycho!! LOL!!:smthumbup:

Yoga pants should be illegal in public. I feel like my eyeballs are glued to Women's butts in those things!

But I am definitely a legs and butt kind of guy.

Women have to want you to look at their butts in those things.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ing said:


> Later I apparently developed appalling breath and kisses were gone.


Just a thought on this. I don't know what your diet is, but a low-fat vegan diet, heavy on fruits and veggies can help this. There just isn't much rotting down there to cause bad breath.

Also, brushing with a paste you make yourself, consisting of a little hydrogen peroxide, salt, baking soda, and just enough water to make a paste, can kill the bacteria that cause bad breath.

Just wanted to share this!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Um, he was being facetious.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Um, he was being facetious.


Uh oh. Blush!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Yoga pants should be illegal in public. I feel like my eyeballs are glued to Women's butts in those things!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The last couple years have seen an incredible growth in yoga pant based fashion... Down to the point where women do dress like they want the whole world to see, I agree.

Not a bad trend if you ask me. Now if we could mandate Lululemon level of translucency we'd be even better


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## Rev. Clonn (Nov 11, 2013)

I have to agree that confidence is sexy, I would suggest you tell him" your comments hurt me, until you are ready to make me feel better I am not willing to make your life better or easier."

Not a threat but a statement of fact. If you hurt me on purpose, then you can fix it. If it was a mistake, then an apology and some action will go much further.

This has the bonus of telling you if he is doing it purposefully, and if he is really into your relationship. If he gets angry then he is manipulating you, and doesn't like having his toy taken away.

You are sexy being yourself, and you deserve good things.


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## bild-a-loco (Jan 22, 2014)

To me, sexy is more a state-of-mind and the right attitude than anything else. Some ladies have it, some don't - looks have a lot less to do with it in my book. 

Of course, I'm also a sucker for garters and stockings, so, big points for sexy attitude plus stockings and garters!


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