# Emotionaly Beat up, it hurts so bad.



## squidler80 (Aug 15, 2009)

My wife has been cheating on me and lied right to my face, i will explain my story as it hurts so much and makes me feel better just to vent and talk. My wife and i have been married for 7 years, been together for 9 years, with two beautiful children Emma and Hunter 4 and 6, all my problems started 3 months ago when my wife blew up at me and said that she wasn't happy and she hasn't been for 6 months, i really thought everything was fine, boy was i wrong, she explained everything to me from not giving in when she is in the mood, to her always giving in to me, from just pecks on the cheak instead of kissing like i mean it, too not appreciating what she does around the house, to me always getting sick i have colitis, you name it. I broke down in tears after all was said and done. I told her i was so sorry and didn't realize that i was so oblivous to what was going on i think it was complacency kicking in and i didn't realize it, i was not trying to make her unhappyor hurt. So she told me that she wasn't sure if she wanted to continue the marriage she went to her moms for a day returned 10 hours later walked threw the door in tears and said she loves me sooo much and she wants to work on it. I said great we came up with idea's about what we can do to improve things, as a few days went by i started to notice this guy was always at our house, i was working of course, my kids told me about this youngman named Chris, my wife told me it was her best freind from many years ago that she started to talk to again because his marriage had just ended poorly, and she got msg from him on msn, i didn't think much of it at the time, but he kept hanging around, then he became part of my life i accepted him very fast because i wanted to support my wife, everything happened very fast 2 week ish, i started to get very suspicios, but i trusted my wife, i asked her if anything was going on with this youngman, she said absoultly not, he just a best freind, another week passed and the youngman ran into fincial issues, and My wife convinced her mom if he could stay at her house till he gets back on his feet, her mom said yes so he moved into her moms house, Chris lived about 1 hour 30 minutes away, well now he lived 10 minutes away, all this happened within a time of 3 to 4 weeks very fast. He of course hung out at our place alot helped my wife with day to day things and didn't have job was on (EI) i even let him bring his computer over to our house so he could use the net, and play world of warcraft, well the other day when he was out i say bunch of pics rotating on his desktop of my family and wife so i opened the file with all his pictures and i was shocked to find 3 or 4 pics of him french kissing my wife, all dressed up and couple of pics of him possing with my wife, i felt my heart stop beating i was so hurt, nerves were shoot and i imediadtly called her she was out picking up our kids from our freinds with Chris i told her i found the pics and Chris is not to step foot in this house again, and we should get councelling, she said okay and hung up the phone, when she walked threw the door 20 minutes later she was crying saying that she would never try and hurt me and that the pics were her and Chris trying to get Chris ex wife pissed off at her. I didn't really beleive that although i didn't call her out on it, right away, i spent the next 30 minutes in our bedroom talking to her sister on the phone i needed someone to talk too, and she told me about 2 months ago that Tiff my wife had told her she thinks she is falling in love with this Chris guy and was thinking of leaving me, after getting off the phone i imediadtly called my wife out on the lies, she told me that she had feeling for him a few months ago, but doesn't now, they are just freinds, so i told her there are only two options from here 1. We work on it marriage councelling and Chris is out of the picture or 2. You pack up your bags and leave. I told her if she needed to think about she could so she has stayed at a freinds sense thursday. I miss her so much, and it hurts me so bad to have to tell her those options but i don't think i could take this pain, once more. Worst of all her mom doesn't even know whats going on 

Sorry about the spelling, and any advice on how i should go about this would be great.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wow! It's good that you gave her 2 firm choices. Make sure that you stay with your boundaries and don't give in. She MUST call off ALL contact with the OM (no text/email/phone/etc). 

He sounds like he a real "keeper" (not). She is obviously looking to feel a void.

Never...invite a single/married-with-problems into your home for long term. I have had friends, in the past, that had this happen. When a person is vunerable in their marriage things happen. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. 

You are doing what you need to do. You will miss her. Back off and let her do the thinking. If you appear needy/pushy then she may come back under the wrong circumstances. Let it be her idea to come back and reconcile the marriage. Let it be her idea to work on it!


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## dmcneilan (Aug 15, 2009)

squidler80 said:


> My wife has been cheating on me and lied right to my face, i will explain my story as it hurts so much and makes me feel better just to vent and talk. My wife and i have been married for 7 years, been together for 9 years, with two beautiful children Emma and Hunter 4 and 6, all my problems started 3 months ago when my wife blew up at me and said that she wasn't happy and she hasn't been for 6 months, i really thought everything was fine, boy was i wrong, she explained everything to me from not giving in when she is in the mood, to her always giving in to me, from just pecks on the cheak instead of kissing like i mean it, too not appreciating what she does around the house, to me always getting sick i have colitis, you name it. I broke down in tears after all was said and done. I told her i was so sorry and didn't realize that i was so oblivous to what was going on i think it was complacency kicking in and i didn't realize it, i was not trying to make her unhappyor hurt. So she told me that she wasn't sure if she wanted to continue the marriage she went to her moms for a day returned 10 hours later walked threw the door in tears and said she loves me sooo much and she wants to work on it. I said great we came up with idea's about what we can do to improve things, as a few days went by i started to notice this guy was always at our house, i was working of course, my kids told me about this youngman named Chris, my wife told me it was her best freind from many years ago that she started to talk to again because his marriage had just ended poorly, and she got msg from him on msn, i didn't think much of it at the time, but he kept hanging around, then he became part of my life i accepted him very fast because i wanted to support my wife, everything happened very fast 2 week ish, i started to get very suspicios, but i trusted my wife, i asked her if anything was going on with this youngman, she said absoultly not, he just a best freind, another week passed and the youngman ran into fincial issues, and My wife convinced her mom if he could stay at her house till he gets back on his feet, her mom said yes so he moved into her moms house, Chris lived about 1 hour 30 minutes away, well now he lived 10 minutes away, all this happened within a time of 3 to 4 weeks very fast. He of course hung out at our place alot helped my wife with day to day things and didn't have job was on (EI) i even let him bring his computer over to our house so he could use the net, and play world of warcraft, well the other day when he was out i say bunch of pics rotating on his desktop of my family and wife so i opened the file with all his pictures and i was shocked to find 3 or 4 pics of him french kissing my wife, all dressed up and couple of pics of him possing with my wife, i felt my heart stop beating i was so hurt, nerves were shoot and i imediadtly called her she was out picking up our kids from our freinds with Chris i told her i found the pics and Chris is not to step foot in this house again, and we should get councelling, she said okay and hung up the phone, when she walked threw the door 20 minutes later she was crying saying that she would never try and hurt me and that the pics were her and Chris trying to get Chris ex wife pissed off at her. I didn't really beleive that although i didn't call her out on it, right away, i spent the next 30 minutes in our bedroom talking to her sister on the phone i needed someone to talk too, and she told me about 2 months ago that Tiff my wife had told her she thinks she is falling in love with this Chris guy and was thinking of leaving me, after getting off the phone i imediadtly called my wife out on the lies, she told me that she had feeling for him a few months ago, but doesn't now, they are just freinds, so i told her there are only two options from here 1. We work on it marriage councelling and Chris is out of the picture or 2. You pack up your bags and leave. I told her if she needed to think about she could so she has stayed at a freinds sense thursday. I miss her so much, and it hurts me so bad to have to tell her those options but i don't think i could take this pain, once more. Worst of all her mom doesn't even know whats going on
> 
> Sorry about the spelling, and any advice on how i should go about this would be great.


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## dmcneilan (Aug 15, 2009)

i am so sorry for your situation. however, i am only offering an opinion. she is not happy and it does not look as if she can be trusted. i would offer up to you to be very cauctious of any reconcile you may attempt. protect yourself financially, and emotionally. take care


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## squidler80 (Aug 15, 2009)

Just a heads up of what is going on if anybody wants to know, my wife called yesterday morning and said she wanted to talk she was very teary eyed, she came home around 8:30 am and we started talking got a little heated, she said that 90 percent of her wants to work it out, i asked her what the other 10 percent was it was Chris, after hour of talking/arguing she packed alot of her stuff and walked out, on me i called her later that afternoon saying we should tell the kids that you are no longer going to be staying at home, she came over around 6pm we talked with the kids, She wanted us to say that she is talking a vaction at her freinds for awile, , i asked her on the way out were we stand because i was a little confused she said she does not know and is still thinking


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You have done the right things so far, and all you can do is hope she'll come around. First, however, find out if she has given up the OM. There is no way she can figure out what she really wants to do about the marriage f he is in the picture. Tell her she owes it to the kids to go through her decision making process solo--if she feels the marriage is irretrievably broken, then she files for divorce, stays away from the OM, and figures out how to parent with you as partners, not spouses. 

I was letting another man get in the way of my decisions (although he was not IN the pic when I decided to leave), so I cut him out of the pic. Best thing I could have done. Now I can focus on myself and, more importantly, my kids. Also, please pick up "Healthy Divorce" and give her a copy, too, if that is the direction you head--although I suspect she may be willing to give the marriage and counseling a try, from all you say. Please let us know how it goes.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

If she wants to come back, she has to cut Chris off 100%. No texts, no calls, no seeing him. He is out and away from the family 100%. If he's still living 10 minutes away, he needs to go. 

You don't get to bust up another family because your wife ditched you.

And as for your wife, she's just a rebound. When Chris is stronger, he'll ditch her for someone without all of the baggage (children, ex-).

She needs to wake up and smell the coffee. She's making it so that Chris doesn't need to heal from his wounds, he doesn't need to work on himself, he doesn't need to do anything. And once he's feeling better, she'll be put out on the curb.


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## outinthecold (Apr 30, 2009)

How do we help a man in such pain?

Do we ask questions?

Do we offer advice?

Do we read his tears?

The advice is the same, 

the pain is the same,

the people are different.

How do we help?

You write, 

You cry, 

We read, 

You write,

We write,

You cry,

We read,

You write.

Time will pass

Decisions will be made

Your life will change.

How can we help?


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## Airee (Aug 16, 2009)

OP (original poster),

My heart goes out to you buddy and I just wanted to say I empathize with you. Your wife lacks maturity, but y'all should talk it out, before it gets too late!

Out in the cold- nice poem, man!

Stay healthy and keep writing to us, we're out here listening.

I hope Chris develops ED (Erectile dysfunction)! I mean what the heck kinda person muddles into someone elses marriage, scum!!! 

:lol: A


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## squidler80 (Aug 15, 2009)

Still waiting nothing has really changed sense saturday, i am not sure how long i am suppose to wait for her, to want to talk.

I just want to thank everyone for the advice and support so far its been great really helping me cope.


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## mistake maker (Aug 7, 2009)

If you are sure you want to work it out with her i would say make an appointment with a counceller and tell her about it. If she doesn't want to go with you go by yourself. If it doesn't work out atleast you will have found some help for you personally.


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## wonderful (Aug 7, 2009)

I really admire you directness in dealing with this issue with your wife. I would say she is very lucky. Number 1 to have someone who believed in her aside from his gut telling him something wasn't quite adding up. You still held steadfast and strong, until completely confronted with the truth. Good for you for standing up for it and handling it. You did the right thing. I am sorry you are hurting right now, but hold on to what you know is right, what you value, and what you believe in. The right thing will happen here, whatever that may be.

big hugs!!!


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## squidler80 (Aug 15, 2009)

Well i talked with my wife today, she informed me that she is going to apply for ontario works tomorrow, because she has no food,money etc, I have been offering all week to help support her, and she also said she may need a letter from me saying that she would be taking care of the kids, i have been taking care of our kids and told her that she needs proper living conditions before she can have them, i also asked her if she wanted to work out the 90/10 percent thing at home she got mad, so i guess it may be close to over atleast thats what i picked up on that phone call  I sent her a msg saying i was going to be cutting off all instant msg, and text msg, and too only call if she has too so i can clear my head and focus on me and the kids, she has been msging me constantly sense thursday when all of this started with randomness like how are you, i feel sick etc just very emotionaly draining, maybe i was exepcting the mirracle im or text saying she wants to work it out or she wants to come home


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## squidler80 (Aug 15, 2009)

I talked with my wife in person yesterday and she said she still doesn't know what she wants to do, she said she just wants to be friends for now and see what happens, she wants to be on her own for now


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## mistake maker (Aug 7, 2009)

You did the right thing by telling her you need space. I am on the other side of this, I am the one that was calling and texting all the time. My counceller told me that I need to give my wife the soace she needs.

If your wife really loves you and wants to work on your life together she will give you both the space you need.


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## squidler80 (Aug 15, 2009)

Well its over between us, i found out 90 percent of what was going on, she was cheating on me with this guy Chris for 6 months in my own house, she even had a miss cariage that was his child, i could not have pregnant her because i am sniped, one of her best girl friends told me everything and she admited to 90 percent of it, so i said its over.

Life sucks i can't beleive she did this to me almost 9 years together, what a great b-day present this was i just had me b-day a couple of days ago.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Sorry for the bad news! Let her go and move on. Do something kind for yourself.

It will and has been hell. One day at a time.

Do you have the kids?


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## squidler80 (Aug 15, 2009)

Yes i do Emma who just turned 4 and my son Hunter who turns 7 soon


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Sorry to hear what you're going through. Is your wife living at her mom's now? If Chris is still living there put some rules in place as far as her seeing the kids. They don't need to be mixed up in that mess right now. It sounds as though it will crash and burn at some point.


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