# this is a bit scattered...



## savannah.k (Nov 8, 2009)

First a little background. I am 23 and my husband 24. My husband is deployed to Iraq (yes I am very worried about him, and I DO love him) We met in April of this year and got married in Aug. I think I might have mistaked new love for true love. The first 3 months of our relationship was perfect..the past few not so great. He has turned into a man child. Before we got married he asked me to quit my job so that we could spend time together before he deployed (i worked long ad hours) so I quit my job, he promised he'd take care of me. 

He is very irresponsible, I feel like his mother and not his wife. I know it's because he has never been out on his own and had to worry about anything before, but I have been on my own since I was 17 and I am quickly losing patients with him. He does dumb things that end up costing us alot of money. He didnt pay his insurance and got his car impounded, and then he took my truck and was playing around with the four wheel drive and caused 2000.00 worth of damage. He blows money like its free, he will just take off and not tell me he is leaving or where he is going...just thoughtless things that could be heled if he tried. And now that he is in Iraq we fight more then ever about stupid things...I know he is under alot of stress but so am I and I dont think I should have to be his whipping post. He gets mad at me because I am not lying in bed crying in my pillow day in and day out, thats not the type of woman I am. I did my crying the first week picked myself up and moved along. He accuses me of being cold and heartless because i'm not n emotional wreck. This I do not understand! He still doesn't want me to get a job because he waants to have me waiting online for him all day everyday, and to be honest we could use the money. i'm not saying that I am the perfect wife, i have my issuses like anyone else.. I hae trust problems and I can become angered easily. It's not the fighting that gets me...it's the things he picks fights about. I went out with my sisters and had 3 beers and he like to have had a heart attack.. called me f**king alcoholic and told me that it was a mistake to marry me. Doesn't want m drinking AT ALL. But when he was home he would get trashed with his friends... 
I honestly just feel like I have made the biggest mistake in my whole life... and after we went to new york and I met his family and friends and saw how he acted around them my first thought was that if i would have seen this before i wouldnt have married him. I'm no longer attracted to him, we quit having sex about a month before he left, we didnt even have sex the night before he left. I feel like he's see's me as worthless because I cannot give him children (he knew the possibilty before we were wed). He want a family so bad and i can't give him one...and frankley he's not ready to be a father.
Things get more complicated....
Last week an ex of mine popped up out of no where.... we were very very much in love but broke up because he had gotten a vestemy and I longed for a child very badly. But things are different now that I know that I cannot have children.. I still have very strong feelings for him and I feel like a horrible person for wanting someone other then my husband..... I wanna scream..


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