# My Husband Can't Catch a Break



## sonargoddess (Mar 29, 2018)

Hi everyone, to start off, I have been with my husband since 2014, we got married in 2015 when I was 19 and he was 23, and have had happy years together since. For the entire time my husband and I have been together (dating and marriage), he has been a student at a university studying to become a registered nurse. I am in the military and have been the breadwinner. He had been struggling to pass classes, and he was almost done with his degree when he failed a test for a class he needed to graduate, and he was kicked out of that university for failing one too many classes (you could fail 3) when he was already 5 years deep into trying to pass this BSN program at this school.
We prayed on it, and decided he should give it another go at a different university. He applied, was accepted, enrolled, and was about a semester deep with all A’s when I unexpectedly got orders to move to the other side of the country. We decided he should finish out that semester and transfer to a university in the city where I was stationed. We made the move, and he was accepted to our local university, however, they did not accept ANY of his nursing credits, and would have to apply to their BSN program before he could even start working on his degree, and start from scratch at that. He wants to be a nurse so badly, so we agreed that it would be worth it. Well.. we got the news today, and he was not accepted into this BSN program, it’s really the only one in our 2 hour radius that’s not exuberantly expensive. 
He is now 26, turning 27 in June, and has been working towards being an RN since he was 19. He really wants to be a nurse, he is good at it and loves it, he's just not good at school. My heart aches for him so bad, he feels like he has not accomplished anything in his life up this point, having been trying at something for 7 years with no results or goals accomplished. I know that in his heart, this is what he wants to do. He is so good with patients during clinicals, he has always gotten really good grades for his work on the floor, and I know he is just so crushed. When he applied to this BSN program, we said that if he did not get accepted, that it would be our sign to put this dream of his on the shelf for a little while, and to pursuit a different career. 
Him failing is not from a lack of trying, he has studied his 20’s away up until this point, and I believe that he has a learning disorder of some kind. His reading comprehension isn’t great, he has been tested, but has never been given an official diagnosis. He does have PTSD from events that took place in his childhood, but has gone to therapy and is continuing to work on those issues with a professional. He otherwise lives a happy life with me and our pets. He’s a fantastic husband, he is so kind and loving and understanding to me. I know he wants to bring in a substantial income so we can start talking about having kids, he wants to “repay” me for the years that I have been a breadwinner by earning this degree and making much more money than I do now. I feel so bad. He is a very talented artist, and would like to 
pursuit a career in that, but he knows that there is no money there, so he is reluctant. He needs direction.
Do you have any advice or suggestions for this young married couple? How do I console him and reassure him? He texted me a screenshot of the rejection letter and just some sad faces and he said “ I’m sorry I didn’t get accepted,” and that’s it. He’s at work right now (retail job) and I know he must be feeling so bad. What do I do? I feel so at a loss… Thank you in advance. I appreciate your time and consideration.


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## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

What about being an RN associate degree. Get a college degree in another major. He will be fine.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

There are a couple things you are not thinking about. 

1) Even though he badly wants to become a nurse, not doing well in school means he shouldn't be a nurse. I think there are enough mistakes made by doctors, nurses, and other hospital personnel to go around. It will be best not to unleash another walking accident waiting to happen onto the community at large. I would not want your husband to be my nurse. I wouldn't want him anywhere near me. You love him, but I don't. No patient in the hospital has any reason to love your husband. All we know is we would like to get well and not killed. There are great people working in hospitals and there are some who are not so great. Those are the ones who shouldn't be there.

2) Maybe he should go back to the school before moving across the country. He has credits there and was not suspended from there. He will have to support himself for the first time since he found someone to support him, but that's just being an adult. Many people work their way through college with no one to pay the bills and feed them. He gets school paid for however it has been paid (your GI bill I assume or however), so all he has to do is maintain himself. 

But wherever he goes, I hope he will change his program so he's not working with patients. He might enjoy it but shouldn't be trusted.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Plenty of people who work in nursing don't have their BSN. He could attend a technical school and get his associate's degree. That would allow him to work in nursing. The BSN could come later, when and if he feels like trying again. 

There's also a chance that you could eventually get orders to somewhere else. If so, it's possible he might be able to find another university close by your new duty station that would accept his previous credits, making it easier for him to finish up then. 

Also, there are options in the medical field that involve working with patients and pay very well, but don't require a baccalaureate degree. He might enjoy sonography or radiologic technology.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

StarFires said:


> There are a couple things you are not thinking about.
> 
> 1) Even though he badly wants to become a nurse, not doing well in school means he shouldn't be a nurse. I think there are enough mistakes made by doctors, nurses, and other hospital personnel to go around. It will be best not to unleash another walking accident waiting to happen onto the community at large. I would not want your husband to be my nurse. I wouldn't want him anywhere near me. You love him, but I don't. No patient in the hospital has any reason to love your husband. All we know is we would like to get well and not killed. There are great people working in hospitals and there are some who are not so great. Those are the ones who shouldn't be there.
> 
> ...


So, doing well in school = competence in that profession, and not doing well in school = incompetence?

There is a real world out there that doesn't believe that as much as you do.


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## Mommame2 (Oct 8, 2017)

manwithnoname said:


> So, doing well in school = competence in that profession, and not doing well in school = incompetence?




I'm a nurse, and yes.

In school, there were always those couple of classmates - you couldn't help but hope they wouldn't actually graduate. But, even a doctor at the bottom of his class is called doctor in the end.

Now I just carry on, hoping I never end up in the care of one of those classmates. The ability to pass tests involve critical thinking, which is the base of all nursing care. 

OP, I agree your husband needs to find another focus. He's wasted way too much time on this already. There are a lot of good jobs still to be had as an RN, but, more and more, employers want to BSN. He would have done well to try for an RN first to gauge whether he could make it, but that's water under the bridge. 

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for him. I agree with the suggestions about rad tech, ultrasound, etc. 


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

manwithnoname said:


> So, doing well in school = competence in that profession, and not doing well in school = incompetence?
> 
> There is a real world out there that doesn't believe that as much as you do.


This is unbelievable and makes no sense whatsoever. You learn what to do, how to do it, and why in a nursing program. Failing that is directly associatated with one's competence. By your logic, why don't you have a doctor who flunked out of several schools be your surgeon? People like you pay his exhorbitant premiums, and his insurance will take care of you provided your state doesn't have caps. Otherwise, you will just be screwed and it's good know you are fine with that.


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## Aburjwal (Feb 20, 2018)

Sounds like both of you are going through a tough time and I can understand that fully, having gone through (and still going through, to a certain extent) a tough time in my career aswell. I don't think he should give up on what he wants to do, but perhaps he could explore his artistic side a bit? There is no harm in trying and who knows there might be a way there.

As you mentioned he does have a job which is good, he just needs to keep at it and also keep exploring his other interests at the same time.


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## sonargoddess (Mar 29, 2018)

StarFires said:


> There are a couple things you are not thinking about.
> 
> 1) Even though he badly wants to become a nurse, not doing well in school means he shouldn't be a nurse. I think there are enough mistakes made by doctors, nurses, and other hospital personnel to go around. It will be best not to unleash another walking accident waiting to happen onto the community at large. I would not want your husband to be my nurse. I wouldn't want him anywhere near me. You love him, but I don't. No patient in the hospital has any reason to love your husband. All we know is we would like to get well and not killed. There are great people working in hospitals and there are some who are not so great. Those are the ones who shouldn't be there.
> 
> ...


I really don't think this in-depth of an explanation about why my husband should or should not be a nurse was necessary. My question in my post asked about how to support him emotionally through this hard time, to give us direction about navigating our hardship as a young couple. I understand your prior experience in the field has lead you to this conclusion, but through his years of nursing school and work as an LVN (yes, he is a licensed LVN), he has befriended many RN's who recognize his competence as a nurse and have been rooting for him all along. He as often been referred to as "a good one" and someone that "should" work in a hospital. You may ask why he is working retail if he has an LVN license, and the answer is because that job is demanding and he wants to focus on school instead of long hours, not that it's relevant. You may have also missed the part where my husband probably has a learning disorder, he suffers from PTSD and something about RN nursing school has triggered a response, some sort of psychological block. I don't know what it is really, I am not a medical professional, but I do know that I would hope to have someone as committed as my husband be my nurse. He graduated Valedictorian in high school, and was on the Dean's List each semester for his associates degree. My husband does not use my GI bill, but thank you for your assumption. He has worked since we have been together as well, and is not a leach that you have painted him to be in your mind. He lived on his own before we got married. He has already moved here, and we love each other and our commitment to be together as much as we can, due to the nature of my profession, makes something like what you have suggested, difficult. We happen to love each other and do not want to be separated if we can help it. 

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to add your own bitter two cents about a situation that you only know a few paragraphs about. Best wishes.


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

His biggest fear is probably that you think he's a loser and don't respect him as a man. But you obviously love him very much and still genuinely believe in him. As long as that continues you guys will figure it out.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

The point of my post was to indicate your support may need to be in encouraging him to pursue a different career. Don't be so testy, I stated GI bill or whatever meaning maybe it was that or maybe another method of payment and said it to point out he only needed money to maintain himself. But you're right that I assumed he lives off of you for the most part. Sorry about that if he doesn't. But I maintain that I wouldn't want the person who has such difficulty making it through school to be my nurse. It may be PTSD holding him back, and that is most unfortunate, but it reinforces that nursing is not the career for him.

You mistook me for the member who is a nurse.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Mommame2 said:


> I'm a nurse, and yes.
> 
> In school, there were always those couple of classmates - you couldn't help but hope they wouldn't actually graduate. But, even a doctor at the bottom of his class is called doctor in the end.
> 
> ...





StarFires said:


> This is unbelievable and makes no sense whatsoever. You learn what to do, how to do it, and why in a nursing program. Failing that is directly associatated with one's competence. By your logic, why don't you have a doctor who flunked out of several schools be your surgeon? People like you pay his exhorbitant premiums, and his insurance will take care of you provided your state doesn't have caps. Otherwise, you will just be screwed and it's good know you are fine with that.


I've dealt with doctors and nurses who were incompetent. And they were doctors and nurses because they did well enough in their schooling to become doctors and nurses. 

I didn't say that those who fail their course are better than those who pass, I'm saying that higher marks does not directly translate into a more capable/better skilled person in their vocation. 

I would choose someone who had a great reputation and highly regarded in their field. I would not ask for one who had the best marks, and I would certainly not follow your asinine suggestion to find one who flunked out of several schools.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

If he has any type of learning disability
that need to be addressed first. If he
is evaluated and confirmed then colleges
that get state and federal funding must
consider this. Research IDEA Individuals 
Disability Education Act. There are plenty
of other medical careers he can go into.

Radiology, Physical Therapy,Respiratory Tech.
Many of these careers make good money.
Sometimes it can be hard finding 
a job in nursing because everybody 
goes to nursing school and the field
becomes over crowded. Plus you 
may want to look at the shift work
he would be doing.


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## alliexoxo (Mar 12, 2018)

I just want to state that I'm an LPN and did very well in school. But I was horrible in clinical and should not have been passed. My instructors passed me because they knew I was academically smart. Now whenever I get jobs I get super nervous and just plain suck at nursing. I can pick the right answers on how to insert a catheter or give meds through a g-tube or insert an iv all day. When it comes to actually doing it I always fail.



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## alliexoxo (Mar 12, 2018)

Oh yeah I also want to state that I gave up on nursing although I'm still licensed 


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