# should i try again?



## goodmom72 (Jul 20, 2011)

My marriage of 3 yrs is about to end but with each passing day I so don't want it to end and have this feeling deep inside me that it can be saved. My H is a pretty nice guy. He comes from a family that will not spend on anything beyond basic necessities. I come from a family that has lived in near poverty for a significant part of my life. I know how to live with no money and if I do have money I know to use it wisely and have fun at the same time. He knew about my situation and promised to support my need to support my mom. But he has been very insensitive at times when dealing with money. This has caused significant tension in our life. During the 1st yr of our marriage, he went over board in suspecting me of having affairs and I walked out. The very next day he promised to change and requested me to come back and I did and we had a pretty good life. Our sex life is really great and I love having sex with him. This is one of the reasons I miss him a lot and don't want to let go. 
I have never been able to connect with him emotionally and I really yearn for that kind of bonding with him. He is too practical and is capable of leaving out emotions completely. I take the middle path. He acted like a jerk during my c-section last yr and refused to pay for the operation. That is when I snapped and the post-pregnancy stress did not help, my anger went out of control. I mostly directed my anger towards him and my mom and sisters. He tried to be patient but he snapped too, especially when i would push him away when he tried to be romantic with me. Also, he did not bond with our son the way I would have liked him to do so and I walked out again only to go back to him after a couple of months. We were doing okay. Early this yr i conceived by accident and he started to wonder if I was having an affair. This really stung and I terminated my pregnancy and walked out on him. Since then we have been trying to reconcile but with no luck. We sent each other harsh emails. I retaliated when his parents tried to mediate and was extremely rude to them. I did apologize to them in writing. I am very close to my mom and sisters and his lack of interest in my family is sometimes very frustrating because I have made great and genuine efforts to bond with his family. I agree his way of showing love for our son could differ from my way. His want to control finances completely is also a little scary. All my life I have had to live at the mercy of relatives and now when I earn I would like to have equal say in handling money. But since my marriage I have lost that independence and have fought to get it back.We have both been mean to each other. 
He is not ready or willing to try marriage counselling. I know our marraige needs help and could be great if we both worked whole-heartedly. If I were to go back I would lose my financial independence and will once again have to deal with him being stingy. I don't think he will ever like or respect my family. I enjoy my son but I feel so lonely and I miss that physical relationship with him. We tried to patc up 2 weeks back and he said it wont work out. Am I crazy to want to get back with him? Should I just let go and move on?


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Marriage is a two way street. 50/50. If he can't comprimise with you on the finances and he is controlling; find someone else. No way I can see both of you being happy if he will not change for you and if you can not comprimise with him.

My opinion is to move on. But that is just my .02 cents worth.


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