# I can't get into a therapist for weeks! What now?



## lost_without_her (May 9, 2017)

Any of you who are familiar with my previous post know that my wife left me last Friday. I have been going through it, and of course some therapy has come highly recommended. Today is the 2nd day we have had no contact, and I am committed to leaving her alone and letting her drive the communication for now. I have been doing a lot better the last couple of days, focusing on the self improvements I need to make, hitting the weights when my anxiety gets high. Today is getting hard. This house feels like a tomb. I had decided that I needed to go talk to someone today. Well, after a call to every option within reach, I can't get into any counselors for weeks. 

I guess the obvious answer is to schedule asap and hang in. I just moved to a new city, and I have very few people that I know. I'm not very close to them. They are aware of what's going on, and we have talked. They are very supportive and encouraging, but of course that is the thing to do. They have been helpful, but they are all unavailable today and I was just hoping for some professional advice. I've walked, I've cleaned, I've recorded some music, I've worked on my photography projects, and I've done just about everything I can, despite not really having any interest to do so. I've just about exhausted my outlets, and I'm just really feeling down this afternoon. 

I guess there's really not much that can be done. Time. Just needed to get it off of my chest. You all have been very helpful. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

You could try Talkspace, an online therapy option. Never tried it myself but I came across it recently.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

My wife is a counselor so I have a suggestion. Like any business, counselors have cancellations on a regular basis. Ask if you could be squeezed in (if your schedule allows) to one of those slots when they open up.


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## lost_without_her (May 9, 2017)

Keke24 said:


> You could try Talkspace, an online therapy option. Never tried it myself but I came across it recently.


I just came from there before I posted this. Unfortunately, we have a joint bank account that I can't really use. I'd go open a new account, but all the banks near me have ridiculous minimum balance requirements and fees if you don't maintain them. The bank we use now is the only one that doesn't, and it's not close enough for me to walk to. Terrible time for me to be waiting for the car I'm buying to be ready to pick up. Thanks for the tip. Good chance I may explore that more later.


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## lost_without_her (May 9, 2017)

C3156 said:


> My wife is a counselor so I have a suggestion. Like any business, counselors have cancellations on a regular basis. Ask if you could be squeezed in (if your schedule allows) to one of those slots when they open up.


Yes, a couple of them did have the option. I'm hoping for a call back, but I'm pretty far down on the list. Very densely populated area. They all said it was very unlikely. Maybe I'll get lucky. Thanks for the suggestion.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Sorry to hear this, lost. 

A man from the UK once said that there is a counseling service in London that offers same day appointments. I hope someday we have that here in America, too. When you need help, you should not have to wait weeks to get it.


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## lost_without_her (May 9, 2017)

jld said:


> Sorry to hear this, lost.
> 
> A man from the UK once said that there is a counseling service in London that offers same day appointments. I hope someday we have that here in America, too. When you need help, you should not have to wait weeks to get it.


I agree. It seems pretty important to get the guidance as early as possible. We need a lot of change with our healthcare system.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

I have been lucky always seem to get a cancellation.

Maybe see if there are any local support groups, I recently attended one and it was excellent not sure if better or worse than IC but it sure helped and I plan to attend again, also much lower cost than IC so I am planning on attending once a week and cutting down IC to twice a month, I really understand your need to talk to someone i get the same way so I hope you find something.


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## lost_without_her (May 9, 2017)

MovingForward said:


> I have been lucky always seem to get a cancellation.
> 
> Maybe see if there are any local support groups, I recently attended one and it was excellent not sure if better or worse than IC but it sure helped and I plan to attend again, also much lower cost than IC so I am planning on attending once a week and cutting down IC to twice a month, I really understand your need to talk to someone i get the same way so I hope you find something.


Not finding anything within my range, but probably have to do some deeper searching to find that kind of thing. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm not sure how I feel about sharing with a group. I think I'll probably try to seek IC first for a couple of sessions, and then maybe still look at the group option. I can imagine it could be very helpful.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

lost_without_her said:


> Not finding anything within my range, but probably have to do some deeper searching to find that kind of thing. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm not sure how I feel about sharing with a group. I think I'll probably try to seek IC first for a couple of sessions, and then maybe still look at the group option. I can imagine it could be very helpful.


My IC told me to go to a group he offered and I was anxious as hell but went and it was really different to how i expected, people come together in situations like this so no judgement and a lot of support, it sounds weird I know I thought the same but was really good to be with a group of people all going through a struggle and coming together as a little community. I do not share much with anyone, it took me 4 months to tell my Mother I was getting divorced and very fewof my friends know still to this day so I know how you feel about sharing with people trust me.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

One day at a time! The best way to get through to tomorrow is to keep moving today. IC is advised, yet there should be more. You can, but you don't have to do this on your own. Look for a 12 step co-dependent meeting or men's group meeting near you. Do you have a pastor or belong to a congregation? You should start adding social activities to your weekly life. All these things will allow your to grow (move on). 

...and please stick to one thread, it's easier for members to follow your stitch.


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## Thestarsarefalling (Apr 16, 2017)

Maybe write in a journal? Write letter to your wife but don't give them to her. 

I found lots of comfort in reading self help books.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

Are there any local universities in your area? A lot of the time there are students getting their masters degree in counseling and they have programs in place to get those students seeing people like yourself as experience. They are supervised by a professor and a lot of the times the rate is very inexpensive. Even as little as $10. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Lost, do you run at all?

I'm a competitive runner and there are almost always running groups you can meet.

Runners are welcoming of everyone and most groups range from beginner to advanced. Check out either your local running store or search the web.

And you'll get some exercise that's sure to help your mood.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Why not open a separate account at the same bank.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

I experienced the problem of having appointments being set out several weeks.
The good news is that therapists typically keep their calendar open for rebookings of existing patients.
So, once you do get in you'll find return appointments easy.

Another piece of reality is that not all therapists are the same...obviously. I went through two therapists before finding one who I was comfortable with. So you might consider booking appointments with a couple since you have to wait.

In the meanwhile maybe you have a friend with whom you can bounce thoughts off of.

Good luck


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lost_without_her said:


> I just came from there before I posted this. Unfortunately, we have a joint bank account that I can't really use. I'd go open a new account, but all the banks near me have ridiculous minimum balance requirements and fees if you don't maintain them. The bank we use now is the only one that doesn't, and it's not close enough for me to walk to. Terrible time for me to be waiting for the car I'm buying to be ready to pick up. Thanks for the tip. Good chance I may explore that more later.


 You can get a pre-paid credit card at Walmart. Then use that to pay online.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have been on TAM almost 2 days that have created 3 threads. You will get better input if you stick to one thread because people can more easily look back and see what's up. Few people will make the effort to chase down and read all your threads.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Haiku said:


> I experienced the problem of having appointments being set out several weeks.
> The good news is that therapists typically keep their calendar open for rebookings of existing patients.
> So, once you do get in you'll find return appointments easy.
> 
> ...


I agree on the therapist my first I got nothing from the second is excellent and I feel is really helping.

I was lucky I met another Divorced guy by chance and we chat occasionally, it is good to talk about it all and get it off your chest than suffer in silence and let is build up inside.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Therapy and IC will help, but ultimately they are a band-aid, not a cure.

As I mentioned in another thread of yours, your best support will come from family, friends, and community. Since you are far away from family and friends, you need to get active and start building your own community. Sharing your problems with a therapist will offer short, temporary relief, but healing comes from working through the grieving process and creating a new life with new activities. Go out and and volunteer, join a church, join a club that does an activity you are interested in. Fill your waking hours with constructive things. Running and exercise will feed your mind, body and spirit. The natural high from this and the fitness benefits will be a grace. 

You must fill the void with something else, and you must develop new relationships. Being isolated as you are at both work and home are unhealthy. I am concerned for you. Find a new purpose and develop a new support network of people. A community. You mentioned in the other post that you started praying, but that you are not a religious person. I suggest you find a church where there is no pressure to conform or to have to do anything, but where you can find God and fellowship. Go shopping for a church that is comfortable. A lot of church going people are NOT Bible thumpers and are not preachy. They are just regular people who live their lives quietly with a sense of the Gospel message of loving God and others. Finally, search for a church that offers a program called "Divorce Care." It doesn't have to be the church you decide to attend. The Divorce Care program offers good support in a group setting, and it will help you sort through the many difficult issues we all face through a schedule of topics that are presented once a week.

To give you a perspective on this, I lost my wife to infidelity for the second time in August. I last my father to an untimely death last month. This has probably been the worst year of my life. And yet, I have had so many blessings in the form of family, friends, coworkers, and church community. Those blessings have lifted me and helped me through this very dark time, and I know that I will thrive again in the near future. I wish the same for you.


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