# Need thoughts on Post nup



## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Those who needs background, my resent thread is here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/47599-decided-d-yesterday-today-i-doubt.html#post790675

My psychologist suggested that I should make a post nup with my wife. He said with two purposes in mind:

1. Ensure that I won't get double-screwed if my wife cheats again.
2. Call her out on her motives to stay with me. She tells me that she loves me and want to grow old with me, but to her toxic friend she says that if it wasn't for the kids, she would have left.

So I obviously have my doubts about her motives. One could argue that motives doesn't matter as long as I feel I am being loved, and she IS loving. But I think it would be a lot better to be loved for the right reasons, IYKWIM.

I consider this suggestion on the post nuptial agreement, but it just ring "Yes!" for me either. I know that I would be reluctant if I were presented with a legal contract on our love life. 

We have always had shared economy under the assumption that we would grow old together, so all the legal stuff wouldn't be relevant... yeah, that's what I thought - naive as I was.

I have just reread all the usefull comments and advice I have had here at TAM, and I am very greatfull. So, how do you see a post nup? Offending, irrelevant or "Yes!" ?
Pro et Contra?
Alternative suggestions as to how I could call her on her motives?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Your counselor has pointed out two very good reasons as to why go ahead with the post-nup. I vote "Yes".


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I vote YES too.

If she has truly seen the error of her ways AND expects to grow old with you, this shouldn't be an issue for her


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

If I take the opposite position, that it was my wife who wanted a post nup and I had malintentions, I would wtf and think she would intent to leave, and then I would start putting $$$ aside to prepare for a single life.

So, isn't there a risc of escalating things, would you say?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

The risk certainly is there, just as it was there on Dday. But considering you have "forgiven" her, don't you think it shows you have no malintentions?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

cpacan said:


> If I take the opposite position, that it was my wife who wanted a post nup and I had malintentions, I would wtf and think she would intent to leave, and then I would start putting $$$ aside to prepare for a single life.
> 
> So, isn't there a risc of escalating things, would you say?


ummm isn't one of the points of this is to find out what her true and innate intentions are?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

First thing you should do is talk to a local lawyer about the feasibility of a post-nup, and how enforceable it is...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

PBear said:


> First thing you should do is talk to a local lawyer about the feasibility of a post-nup, and how enforceable it is...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks, thought of that too. Just didn't want to spend the $ if isn't a good idea logically, IYKWIM.


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