# Desparately Need Advice



## User Name (Jun 30, 2013)

Please note, I’m intentionally being vague to protect my family’s privacy.

We’ve been married for many years. Due to health issues, my spouse was the primary provider and I worked when I could to provide a supplementary income while being a stay-at-home parent. I moved to my spouse’s hometown which is very far away from my hometown. We had a child together, the child is still relatively young. Our marriage began to have issues. We had many talks and there was never any mention of separation. Then suddenly, without warning, my spouse said “I’m done”.

My spouse was given numerous opportunities to express themselves and provide adequate warning, but instead chose to quietly withhold the information and wait until it was too late. And that, I feel was not right, especially given my situation. And stuck in the middle of this mess is our poor child.

So, now I’m sick, jobless, unable to work, living somewhere where I don’t know anyone, I've lost contact with most of my family and friends, and I can’t go back to my hometown because I want to be near my child.

Luckily, I was able to convince my spouse to give it a couple of months to see how it goes before separating. But, I still need to be prepared for the worst and I don’t feel that I am or can be.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

I take it you're a male who is too obese to provide for your wife who is the breadwinner, so she has started an affair with a more alpha male. Did I get all that right?


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## Grace4261 (Jul 6, 2013)

Well Machiavelli's comments were completely uncalled for. 

I am unsure exactly what your question is, but it seems you are trying to figure out how you would be able to financially move forward if you get divorced, and hopeful that you can work things out with your spouse. I hope that you can figure it out with your spouse. The first step would be asking your spouse to explain what the problem is for them, and start to do what you can to be what they need you to be.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long ago did you move? And it seems that your spouse DID speak up. You identify that there were issues and you had "many discussions". At some point, someone was likely to say they didn't want to work on things any more and it was time to pull the plug. If your spouse felt that there was no chance of fixing the problems, a separation (which they have now agreed to) will only prolong things. 

Could they have approached things differently? Perhaps. But perhaps you failed to realize the degree of their frustration. How long had the issues and discussions been going on?

In any case... Now you need to turn focus on you and your child. Speak to an attorney about your rights and responsibilities. Get a realistic picture of the future you can expect. Can you find a job if you have to? What about disability assistance? In any case, if you've been married many years, your spouse can expect to give up a significant portion of their paycheck to you every month. Whether they make enough to support two households or not is unknown to all of us, but that's what will be happening. For your part, you may have to start thinking outside the box with regards to supporting yourself and building a social support network. Since you don't mention the actual issues, maybe when your spouse sees that you are more independent, it will address some of their issues. 

I wish all three of you well. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

By the way... If you're vague about the situation, you can expect vague advice back. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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