# was/is this an emotional affair?



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

I have posted several times regarding my husband and his infidelities but I would like to know how people view this relationship....

My husband was on a business board for several years with a woman from an insurance company. She then proceeded to become a member on another hospital board my husband was on. This apparently happened after my husband advised her on how to get the best care for her dieing father. He has sinced died and my husband attended the funeral alone. During the time of both of them being on the board there were several galas etc where they were both involved in arranging. There were also several annual general meetings and economic summits that required over night hotel stays (the last one included one on our anniversary while we were in marriage counselling!) They golfed together in a foursome her and three guys, however the last time when she cancelled so did he.She also involved my husband in another business adventure of her's. What really set me off was one email I read the morning after a gala. It read "It was nice seeing the two of you last night (him and I) we have gotten through ... and ...(referring to the two last events) GIDDY-UP! I read the email on his blackberry and noticed 7 other calls on his history to and from her. He was not aware of me reading the email. That afternoon I checked again and the email history was all deleted. I then hit the roof. In marriage counselling he was told not to have any more contact with her as it was upsetting me. Now I have found another email just asking him to talk that afternoon. I asked what she needed to talk about and he told me they had to discuss the insurance that his company had purchased from her company. I saw red and said remember in counselling you were not to have contact with her and then he got mad and said that didn't include business between the two of them. Once we were at a theatre and I arrived seperately. As I was standing to the side I saw her approach him and another male colleague at the bar. The male colleague then pointed out that I had arrived to my husband. She stepped back from the bar and proceeded to adjust her pants (removing material from her crotch) and was looking at me as she walked away. They were all standing. He has pushed the boundaries so many times in this marriage I am already asking for a divorce but I just wanted opinions on this particular relationship. What do you think?


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

It doesn't sound good. Part of being in a "solid" marriage is that your partner respects your feelings. Continued contact with this woman, regardless of the circumstances, is just wrong! If they are not having a physical affair, they are at least having an emotional one.

Is divorce really the appropriate avenue? Is your counselling not working? Have you exhaused every possibility? Goodluck.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Leave!

He doesn't care about the boundaries of marriages and doesn't seem willing to cut this woman off. What choice do you have? He's playing games like a child. Marriage is for adults.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

I don't like pulling punches so I will give it to you straight and you can do with it what you will.

His actions are completely disrespectful. He knows his contact with this woman upset you and he continues to be in contact with her. If I was a betting man, I would put a wad of cash on a bet that he is not only having an emotional affair but he is already having a physical affair with this woman. Now that is just hearsay, but there is enough sneaking around and circumstantial evidence to draw this conclusion. 

Do you want a divorce? If so, I believe you are well within your rights to ask for one. If you want to save your marriage or at least try, you need a bottom line. HE CANNOT SEE THIS WOMAN AT ALL, EVER AGAIN AND THAT INCLUDES BUSINESS DEALS! It all ends now or, you will leave him. If he respects and loves you, he will honor your request. If he can't decide or you find out he is still in contact with her, you can assume he doesn't respect you or love you enough to remain married to him. 

You have a choice - let him drive the bus and control your life or you do it. Draw a line in the sand and be prepared to walk. That is my advice to you.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Thank you workingitout and rob774. Yes it boils down to respecting the boundaries that were set in marriage couselling. Yes divorce is in the horizon due to the fact that he was going to men for oral sex also. I have given my all and even was willing to stay and work it out but recent 25 yr anniversary celebrated with no gift...no sign of this working. I need a partner 100% onboard after all the pain he has put me through. He really just loves himself.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Thank you Corkey. The line was drawn in the sand during marriage counselling. This relationship with this woman after the line was crossed in therapy along with his homosexual acts is more than any woman can take.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

Well then, move out, file for separation/divorce and start life anew. No one needs a man like him in their lives. You will be much happier without him, I assure you.


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## mariem1967 (Dec 1, 2010)

To be honest this one seems like 50-50 there is something between them but you don't have any proof since all they had officially was business stuff. The thing that is worrying is, as you said, that you already had problems with his infidelities in the past. If you don't trust him anymore it's useless to stay with him. You don't want to spend rest of your life acting like spy. You need someone you can trust so that you can relax and enjoy your life.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

mariem1967 said:


> To be honest this one seems like 50-50 there is something between them but you don't have any proof since all they had officially was business stuff. The thing that is worrying is, as you said, that you already had problems with his infidelities in the past. If you don't trust him anymore it's useless to stay with him. You don't want to spend rest of your life acting like spy. You need someone you can trust so that you can relax and enjoy your life.


There is more than enough circumstantial evidence to convict him in a court of law! He is sneaking around, lying, and making excuses to see this woman. There is plenty of smoke here to assume the fire is burning.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

They are very close...I didn't mention the pictures he has saved on the home computer under a file called "mortgage?" ,,of her at a charity event she hosted...it just has a vibe of "too friendly". I don't keep pictures of men I work with on the computer. The fact that he didn't honour what he said he would do in marriage counselling was dis-respectful. To me it felt like a total disregard for my feelings. Not a good way to resolved a marriage that was on the brink of distruction.


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