# Wife gone. Took my little one and ransacked bedroom



## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

I am writing this just an hour or two after this just happened. My wife and I got into a huge fight over a chore. She had told me I always screw it up and to "get out".

The best thing I could think of is to walk away and go for a drive to cool off. I came home an hour later and she was gone. The nail in the heart is that she took my little one and did not even communicate to me where they were going.

I feel like I am going crazy now. My house is a mess and I am on a cleaning spree to try and get what happened out of my head. We have been fighting 5 out of the 7 days of the week for the past two months. I have been depressed due to some serious issues at work, only to come home to her dissatisfied and unhappy. She is a SAHM and never takes our toddler out for a walk or anything. NEVER. I have lectured her in the past about how important it is to get her out and about. She has always fought with me on it. 

I don't know what else to do right now...

I think I am finished with this marriage. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

First, try to call a friend or parent and get some help.

Next, after you're calm, write down all the pros and cons about being married to your wife. 

Next, remember that it's only been a couple of hours and she likely needs time to cook off, too. Try to be patient. If you can text her, do to text her anything mean, or seen scared. Tell her you're sorry, you needed time to cook off, and are back home to talk calmly.

Or, try to get some sleep and talk to a lawyer tomorrow. 
Take action. Action is the only thing that gets results. Your mind needs actions to weigh and mull over. Just sitting around thinking makes things worse.

It will all work out for the better, whatever happens. 5of 7 days????
It can't get but 2/7 days worse!

Sorry you're having trouble. Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

She just called right now to tell me she is staying at the mother in-law's. I told her I am tired of fighting over stupid stuff and that we are done. I also told her "do not ever take our little girl away from me without telling me where you are going." 

I get that it took her 2-3 hours to tell me this but she would not give me even those hours let alone minutes if I did the same to her. 

I really need advice and lots of it. I am calling my family tomorrow to break the news. My parents have been wanting to see their granddaughter for months and she refuses to have her see them because she clashes with my Mom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

A friend of mine has offered to have me stay at his place this weekend. I am going to drive down south to stay there. It is about 500 miles but I cannot be here this weekend. This place is toxic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Why leave? Your wife is gone. Stay home and see an attorney.

You are very angry right now. Don't communicate with her until you've got some rest, something to eat, and have had a shower. 

Nothing good can come from you communicating with her in a bad frame of mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

Actually I am not angry. I am waxing my weekend car now to even get away from this disaster called a house.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Do NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.

Call your lawyer and ask for legal advice as to what you should do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

Uranium238 said:


> Actually I am not angry. I am waxing my weekend car now to even get away from this disaster called a house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, hold are you guys? How long have you been married? There has been a lot going on if you are fighting 5/7 and are ready to split the sheets. Was she employed before the baby? Could her anger be due to the fact that she only has a baby to interact with on a consistent basis? Nothing but house work and soap operas all day long? She might be stuck in a rut.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Do not leave your family home until you see an attorney??

You need to find out your rights and the implications, and get a VAR and keep it on you if you get into any arguments with her.

And you are correct, she is not allowed to just take your child from you.

I would also cancel all joint credit cards right now, take half of your assets, no more, and open an account in only your name. The attorney can tell you more.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with others that you should not leave marital home or bed. If you leave, she will be able to claim abandonment. 

You said this has been going on for the past 2 months. Unless you've been abusive to her and kid or are not providing for family or are involved in drugs or having an affair yourself, I'm going to predict that there is another man involved. 

It is VERY common for a WW to start to complain and start arguments with BH out of frustration that she can't run off with POS. It's also a perfect way to avoid intimacy with the BH, so she can stay loyal to her new man. 

You need to find out. Working to restore marriage while she's in an affair will not work. You need to be sure. BTW, asking is not how you confirm.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Don't leave the domicile ~ Call your lawyer ASAP and if I were you, I'd contact your local police!

Hell, man ~ she either kidnapped your child and destroyed joint marital or personal property, or perhaps someone else left it that way! 

Your child is missing and you do not know for sure of their exact whereabouts ~ and that's the rationale for your calling the local police into play!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

jsmart said:


> I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with others that you should not leave marital home or bed. If you leave, she will be able to claim abandonment.
> 
> You said this has been going on for the past 2 months. Unless you've been abusive to her and kid or are not providing for family or are involved in drugs or having an affair yourself, I'm going to predict that there is another man involved.
> 
> ...


Guess you missed the OP's other thread where he is still in love with his ex and has told his wife as much. Also sounds like he had a drinking problem.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Celes said:


> Guess you missed the OP's other thread where he is still in love with his ex and has told his wife as much. Also sounds like he had a drinking problem.


Whaaaaaat? Lol, yes, being in love with your ex could be a problem.

He needs to divorce. And treat his wife fairly in the divorce. Both he and she need one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

@Celes Yes, I started drinking and had feelings re-emerge because I let too much get to me during a huge emotional dip in life. Right now, with my head screwed on straight, I am aware why they should be ex's. And, there will be another one because of the events that have transpired because I have made my attempts to patch this marriage while she just lets them fly over her head. This has included gifts, date nights and just a random grab to hug and kiss (she pushes me away when I do that).

To answer some questions above, she does not get out, and her only interaction is with a baby, aside from in-laws visiting during the mid-week to 'help' her out. I see no difference when I walk through the door at 7 PM other than just bickering. I also have an in-law that criticizes me when I have not taken out some diaper boxes ro break down dor the trash and he does it for me. Either way, the trash is in the trash by the weekend when I am not tired, and have the energy to work around the house. I really do not mind working on the house, but who would want to start doing chores after long work hours? My work hours from the time I leave the house to when I return home are literally 12 hours. 

My wife's friends who are also parents have contacted her to hang out and she keeps making excuses not to get together with them. She then complains that she has no friends regardless of the invitations.

I have never hit my wife in the whole 10 years of being with her. I blame myself for not being here more often for her, but this whole thing started when she was laid off and became a SAHM. I told her she needed to get back in the workforce since it seemed like she disliked being at home. She is on unemployment, says she finds jobs, but never applies for them. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Ah yeah, I remember. The guy who has greener grass syndrome, is still in love with the ex, and has parents who are also still in love with the ex and do not like the W. 


Yeah, I can see how she would be hurting right now. Go head. Divorce. It will definitely save her some hurt down the road.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

jsmart said:


> I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with others that you should not leave marital home or bed. If you leave, she will be able to claim abandonment.
> 
> You said this has been going on for the past 2 months. Unless you've been abusive to her and kid or are not providing for family or are involved in drugs or having an affair yourself, I'm going to predict that there is another man involved.
> 
> ...


Should probably turn that advice around. He's the one looking for the out by day dreaming about his ex.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

Let's get this straight @staarz21, now I admit I faltered and let myself become vulnerable to thoughts of the past, but I am not in love with my ex anymore and I would be stupid to be. She ran out on me 12 years ago. She was a coward and clearly not mature enough to fully commit. My wife on the other hand who came around 2 years after, and we both helped each other overcome our difficulties, to build a foundation, a home and our family. Dwelling on the past over an ex was pure temptation over something that could never be. And, I still see it that way. She has her spouse and child, and I have mine. I will continue to remind myself of it should the thoughts dare to cross my mind again. I feel I need to atone for these thoughts though as it did no added good to the situation at all. 

We all need advice now and then, and guidance. I assume you did too once otherwise you would not be on this board unless you are paid to help people deal with their difficulties. I don't think I deserve any discredit from you when it comes to seeking it from others who have more experience on issues like this..


I have not spoken to my wife yet. I am still very frustrated and that would not be fair to her regardless of her taking our kid and staying at the in-laws. I would like to take the time to straighten out the house first before I make any effort to restore communication. I still love her, and there is a part of me that wants to save this whole thing, but I cannot get past the stupid crap she jumps all over me about, or the poor attitude I receive when I really need to rest after long days, or even when I try to do chores and she tells me to stop and spend time with them, only for her to use it as fuel for the next fire when it comes to incomplete house work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Your wife sounds very depressed; isolating herself from friends and not willing to leave the house to get the baby outside. There is a lot going on with both of you. I would be very concerned though about her just taking off with your child. Leaving for the weekend is the last thing that would be on my mind personally. I hope you get this all figured out and soon~


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

5Creed said:


> Your wife sounds very depressed; isolating herself from friends and not willing to leave the house to get the baby outside. There is a lot going on with both of you. I would be very concerned though about her just taking off with your child. Leaving for the weekend is the last thing that would be on my mind personally. I hope you get this all figured out and soon~


I have tried to confront her on this in the past. I remember meeting her and she was depressed, on anti-depressants. She sought a solution on going cold turkey rather than reduced dosage. She chose the former, and I struggled to keep our relationship on the tracks in the early years as she went through withdrawls. Emotionally, those pills really mess you up, but there was something inside me at the time that did not want to give up on her. Was she crazy in my mind at the time? No of course not, but I no one deserves to be left alone when they are in dire straights, and need someone to be there. And, I did that because I fell in love with her.

There is a lot going on with both of us. I dislike my job, I am away from my family, and have been away from them for the past 8 years. We visit of course, but it's not the same when your wife can just run over to her in-laws if she needs anything from them. People have said I need to sort myself out, before focusing on her, but I feel like she needs to come first in my life still, then me last.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

So far, I have friends telling me to put it back together, and that she probably acted out of impulse and retaliation. 10 years is a long time... 4 of them being married. I am in an office and I have our wedding pictures up still after 4 years. I just don't want to take them down.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> Hell, man ~ she either kidnapped your child ]


Don't embarrass yourself by calling the cops. This is not true even though millions of people believe this as fact.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

I think getting the police involved would be inappropriate in this situation. She DID afterall contact me a few hours later to tell me where she was at.

I still haven't talked to her this morning despite telling her in a text last night that I would talk to her 'tomorrow', which is today. She called about 19 times last night judging by the history on my cell phone. It just would not be fair to her to have a husband troubled and angry on the phone with her. I am better than that.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

Okay I have to ask... how long is too long before I pick up the phone and call? Probably the weirdest question I have had on my mind all morning..


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

You might be over your ex now but it doesn't change the fact that you told your wife you were still in love with her. The damage is done. Just because you're now over it doesn't mean your wife is. If you can't understand that, then you must be pretty inconsiderate.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Celes said:


> You might be over your ex now but it doesn't change the fact that you told your wife you were still in love with her. The damage is done. Just because you're now over it doesn't mean your wife is. If you can't understand that, then you must be pretty inconsiderate.




He might think he's over her but it's been a recurring theme in his other thread. Dreams about her...etc. 

I think you both need a separation to figure your &[email protected]@ out. There is a kid caught in the middle of all this.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

Celes said:


> You might be over your ex now but it doesn't change the fact that you told your wife you were still in love with her. The damage is done. Just because you're now over it doesn't mean your wife is. If you can't understand that, then you must be pretty inconsiderate.


What the heck are you talking about? Please, in my other thread, quote EXACTLY WHERE I told my wife I was in love with my ex. "IN LOVE" - Those exact words. I can guarantee you I am not stupid enough to tell my wife that to her face, nor am I stupid enough to throw away this marriage all because of that. You are grasping onto the wrong issue here that is causing this whole mess.

And, let's not forget that in my prior thread, she disclosed that she got along better with her ex than she had ever with me. You really think I'm the perpetrator of this? More like I am the one who is trying to take action here and make a plan to either get this train back on the tracks, or completely derail it in a civilized manner.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

citygirl4344 said:


> He might think he's over her but it's been a recurring theme in his other thread. Dreams about her...etc.
> 
> I think you both need a separation to figure your &[email protected]@ out. There is a kid caught in the middle of all this.


I sought some guidance about those dreams. The person who studies dreams is a professional; he saw them as a 'warning' more than an allusion that I still am in love with her (which AGAIN, I am NOT). The warning is that the relationship may suffer the same fate.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Uranium238 said:


> Okay I have to ask... how long is too long before I pick up the phone and call? Probably the weirdest question I have had on my mind all morning..


Did you call her?

What do you want out of the marriage?
What are your expectations if you are to remain married?
I recommend you think about these questions and have good answers. That will guide you in what to do next.
Then ask your wife these questions and give her a day or so to think about them and be ready to answer.
Sit down together and discuss your answers to these questions and whether you are both willing to do what the other needs and what you personally need to do in order to make the marriage work.
Do this without your child there. You two need some time alone to sit down and work through these issues without arguing. Listen to each other and discuss how you can have each other's back. That is really the core of marriage is to be in life together having each other's back at all times. You should both go into the conversation with that in mind before you even begin a discussion.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Uranium238 said:


> I sought some guidance about those dreams. The person who studies dreams is a professional; he saw them as a 'warning' more than an allusion that I still am in love with her (which AGAIN, I am NOT). The warning is that the relationship may suffer the same fate.


To quote yourself in your other thread.


> We both agree that it is not working and that we are incompatible.


You have many, many issues. Start addressing them to be a better man and a better father. Let her go and she should address her issues.

P.S. Your dreams were no warning, they were a self fulfilling prophecy.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

Well that just sucks to biblical proportions. 

I wish I looked them up sooner rather than thinking I was being tormented by them. 

I haven't called her yet, and I don't think I want to. I still need time to think. I haven't slept much, hardly at all honestly and I haven't eaten anything since a bag of chips last night. In a period of one months, I have already dropped almost 20 pounds.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Uranium238 said:


> Actually I am not angry. I am waxing my weekend car now to even get away from this disaster called a house.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


actually that is called "avoidance behavior", and yes it means you're extremely angry but in denial about it. feel free to pretend on, just figured you should should know what it is you're doing.
(if an offshoot of the PC-ism in the world where we are no longer "permitted" to be "offensively" angry and it is only appropriate to do "other acceptable things". Generally kind of works until you snap and go postal on everyone.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

It's also called a hobby and doing something helps take your mind off of what's going on. It can also help clear the head up allowing you to think more rationally. Guess what? It worked last night, until 4AM when I finally went out.


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## Annie123 (Apr 27, 2015)

Uranium238 said:


> What the heck are you talking about? Please, in my other thread, quote EXACTLY WHERE I told my wife I was in love with my ex. "IN LOVE" - Those exact words. I can guarantee you I am not stupid enough to tell my wife that to her face, nor am I stupid enough to throw away this marriage all because of that. You are grasping onto the wrong issue here that is causing this whole mess.
> 
> And, let's not forget that in my prior thread, she disclosed that she got along better with her ex than she had ever with me. You really think I'm the perpetrator of this? More like I am the one who is trying to take action here and make a plan to either get this train back on the tracks, or completely derail it in a civilized manner.





> *Two weeks ago, I opened up to my wife, told her how I "unforgot" the past and felt guilty about thinking about my ex.* She looks so happy now, doing what she is doing. Some men out there would probably take credit for the successes of their former girlfriends. I refuse to do so. I am proud to admit that I was a part of her life and I loved every moment I shared with her. I just urged her to stay on the course to get her where she dreamed.
> 
> So you will see in my prior post, how I remembered everything from over 10-12 years ago that took place. I remember it as clear as water, which is funny because my memory has been going lately due to lack of sleep, and stress. *Since telling my wife about my struggle two weeks ago, she has remained true to me and has put in all the effort she has to steer me away from depression. It has not helped. Every fight we have still makes it worse, and I still think about the past, and how I could have been happier with her. *


Maybe you didn't use those exact words, but it seems like your wife understood what you were trying to say.


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## SoulCrushed16 (Feb 15, 2016)

Uranium you wife is extremely depressed and she is not coping well seeing as she just went of antidepressants cold turkey. DO NOT ALLOW HER TO LEAVE WITH THE BABY in her condition! I have a friend who was not only going through PPD but also a severe case of depression and got off her antidepressants cold turkey because they were making her too tired. Well, she became manic and took off with her daughter, maxed out all credit cards within a 2 day period, and almost let her baby fry in their hot car (she forgot the baby was in the back seat). Don't allow your wife to be alone with your baby in her condition please!!


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

She went off anti-depressants 10 years ago. It took her 2 years to fully recover.


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## SoulCrushed16 (Feb 15, 2016)

Is there anyway you can call her doctor and talk to him about your wife's depression and her getting off the antidepressants? She seems extremely irritable and just unhinged. Maybe the doctor can direct you on how to help her. Give her some time to get herself together before you two talk to lawyers. She needs help.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Uranium238 said:


> Okay I have to ask... how long is too long before I pick up the phone and call? Probably the weirdest question I have had on my mind all morning..


You should've called early. Don't let this crap fester.


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## Uranium238 (Mar 15, 2016)

She hid her doctors from me when we were first going out. I didn't even bother to try and find out who they were.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It sounds to me like you are swimming in melodrama here. You are 33 years old but act very immature, in my opinion. From what you say you work hard and are a good father, but the personal relationship aspect of your marriage is not being handled in a responsible, mature way.

Stop disrespecting your wife. Call her and talk to her. I think it's childish to let this go on. You say you love her, so give her the respect of an adult conversation. If you can gather your wits enough to post here, you can keep things together enough to talk to your wife.

All of this business about your ex and your past is self-absorbed and toxic to your marriage. If you're unhappy about how some of that turned out, use your knowledge to make your life with your family today a better life.

Forward focus and call your wife.


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