# Hotwife



## devilfrog (Sep 27, 2017)

define normal before condemming me!

I have always liked the idea of sharing my wife
I'm not wanting her to have a long term affair nor do I wish to be cuckolded but I would love to see/Know my wife being able to enjoy herself with other men.

I do not understand why. in my teens I was very jealous and even got jealous of a girlfriend's ex after I heard they had had sex within their own relationship but a mutual friend explained I was being a fool and she was right.

During my 1st marriage we did a wee bit of swinging but I stopped finding I preferred to watch my spouse or hear of her adventures.

We grew apart and eventually split. Now 7 years into marriage #2 after a long break and I want my wife to be a video hotwife. Why????


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

How does you wife feel about this?


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

devilfrog said:


> define normal before condemming me!
> 
> I have always liked the idea of sharing my wife
> I'm not wanting her to have a long term affair nor do I wish to be cuckolded but I would love to see/Know my wife being able to enjoy herself with other men.
> ...


Bwcause you spent your formative years watching porn and got off watching male pornstars ****ing female pornstars.

Watching other men have sex with the object of your desire is your "normal".


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Does this ever work out well? The outcome is that the wife often develops an emotional interest in one of her partners. This, coupled with her husband's apparent limited interest in her (he is willing to share her, after all), makes her gravitate toward the other man. Maybe it works for some people, but I'm guessing that's the exception rather than the rule.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

There's a theory that the idea of being cheated on is so horrifying and painful, the **** turns it into a fetish in order to cope. If you were insecure and painfully jealous, maybe you turned what scared you most into a fetish.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Yeah, the porn thing.

I'm not against porn at all, but it can certainly become an anchor to some people, weighing down relationships, marriages, and even one's own sexuality.

And threads like this seem to indicate when this anchor has taken hold.

As said above, wanting to watch one's partner have sex with somebody else is nothing more than "real porn". It's real life colliding with fantasy.

The worst part about things like this, IMO, is that it's all too often one person (usually the man) who wants this to happen, or fantasizes about it, while the other person (usually the wife) has no clue. Then the husband devises ways to broach this subject, drop little hints, or eventually come right out and ask.

Here's the thing - if you have no indication whatsoever that your partner might be into this sort of thing (or swinging, or whatever) then it's probably best to leave it, period. In this case, OP has been with his wife for a fairly long time. I'm sure he'd know by now if she had an interest. I suppose you never know, but it's a great risk to bring up this subject, because in all likelihood, she'll be like "WTF???".


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

YKIOKBINMK

If its safe, sane and consensual, have fun, but its not for me. Be aware though that its not all that common so don't assume your wife is into this unless you have asked and are completely sure.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

devilfrog said:


> Now 7 years into marriage #2 after a long break and I want my wife to be a video hotwife. Why????


Sometimes it is helpful to look a a scenario from a different perspective and you can start seeing some of the dynamics driving the situation. 

Imagine you are employed by a modest distributor of cell phones and service provider. Instead of giving you a company phone with the service they provide, you are instructed to go obtain a phone and service contract from the competition. During company meetings, your bosses start foaming at the mouth with excitement when you reveal all the terms and conditions of the competition as well as the detailed information about the quality of these products.


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## devilfrog (Sep 27, 2017)

Thanks for the replies.

I understand the porn angle but that can be discounted as it's not something I've really done.

But it has given me some ideas to think about.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

devilfrog said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> 
> I understand the porn angle but that can be discounted as it's not something I've really done.
> 
> But it has given me some ideas to think about.


Why don't you think about the future with your wife and not the present.

While you might enjoy watching her with someone else, that is probably voyeurism on your part for your own sexual enjoyment. In this day of STD/STI's think about all the health risks you are wanting her to take for your amusement. 

The real issue is what does your wife want. Otherwise it is pressuring her to do sexual things outside the wedding vows for your amusement/gratification. If she wants it and you want it and you are both comfortable with the health risks, then go for it. (There is safer sex, but no absolutely safe sex.).

In 30 years if you are still married to her, do you envision sitting in front of a fire place reliving the "good old days" when she F's 10 different guys in a week and you got to watch? I don't think so.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

...


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

This is not that uncommon of a fantasy and if statistics are to be believed it is one of the most commonly searched porn categories. My theory is that men grow up watching porn to some degree and lusting after the actresses in porn. rationally we now that the likelihood of ever meeting with those actresses and actually engaging with them to meet our fantasies will never happen. But what if our wife was the star of that porn? what if my wife was the one being lusted after by all those men? then I get to have my fantasy of having the porn star actress as my personal sex partner.

like I said just a theory.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

OP: you are messed up. Please seek counseling. If your wife is faithful to you, you should appreciate it instead of deliberately looking to throw that away.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

devilfrog said:


> define normal before condemming me!
> 
> I have always liked the idea of sharing my wife
> I'm not wanting her to have a long term affair nor do I wish to be cuckolded but I would love to see/Know my wife being able to enjoy herself with other men.
> ...


PM me if you want any personal feedback. I am not going to get my a$$ handed to me on here again.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think its important to recognize that a "porn" hotwife isn't the same as a "real" hotwife. In porn, you are not watching *your* wife have sex with other men. You are watching some woman you are not connected to have sex with other men. Probably part of the appeal is the (subconscious) idea that if she has sex with other men, she will have sex with you. (nothing wrong with this, porn is all about fantasy). 

In real life you wife is (presumably) already having sex with you. So if she has sex with other men, its is if anything taking time away from you not adding to it. 

I'm sure that there are men who are into "real" hotwife. Also nothing wrong with that. Its just that I expect a lot fewer are into it in reality than enjoy it in porn. 


Porn is fantasy - which is fine. I enjoy things in porn that I would never want in real life. Its all good as long as the viewer understands what is real and what is fantasy.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> PM me if you want any personal feedback. I am not going to get my a$$ handed to me on here again.


>>>


.................................................................

Chicken!!

It never stopped me from spouting my wit and wisdom.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> >>>
> 
> 
> .................................................................
> ...


lol! The thread will be so littered with outrage that it will be of no use to the OP.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

devilfrog said:


> define normal before condemming me!
> 
> I have always liked the idea of sharing my wife
> I'm not wanting her to have a long term affair nor do I wish to be cuckolded but I would love to see/Know my wife being able to enjoy herself with other men.
> ...


Well is she cute and what is her number?


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## devilfrog (Sep 27, 2017)

She's more than cute. She's gorgeous! No you can't have her number. Not yet anyway ?

No I'm not messed up. If I was messed up I wouldn't be trying to figure out what and why!


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I always find these "hotwife" threads to be amusing. Where are the "hothusband" threads? How many women ***** their husband out to be screwed by desparate women? I'm not sure what the psychology of the hotwife phenomenon would be. Swinging or open relationships I can at least see some benefit to the husband. Hotwife? Not so much. So, she bangs another guy and you get to masturbate to it? Yeah, that sounds really fun!!! 

Oh well, at least you can acknowledge that there is probably some kind of underlying psychological issues at work. Many don't.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

It's just porn addiction taken to it furthest.

OP what is the point of posting on here, there are plenty of sites where you can freely post and get interest. I am sure Reddit has one. Do you want us to congratulate you? Do you think you are going to convert us? Or is it to get private messages from men? I don't get it.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Most women complain even at the thought of being asked to be a "hot wife." Some women get brow beat into being a "hot wife" but complain about being PUT into that position. Several women lost respect for their husband and divorced him because it was making them miserable.

If YOU want her to be a "hot wife" introduce her to B.O.B. (AKA a battery operated buddy / vibrator).


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> I always find these "hotwife" threads to be amusing. Where are the "hothusband" threads? How many women ***** their husband out to be screwed by desparate women? I'm not sure what the psychology of the hotwife phenomenon would be. Swinging or open relationships I can at least see some benefit to the husband. Hotwife? Not so much. So, she bangs another guy and you get to masturbate to it? Yeah, that sounds really fun!!!
> 
> Oh well, at least you can acknowledge that there is probably some kind of underlying psychological issues at work. Many don't.


Though not as common as the hotwife thing, there are women who are also turned on by the idea of their husbands having sex with other women and some do encourage their husbands to do exactly that.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Weird. He neither mentioned porn nor psychological issues. I wonder who is projecting.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

devilfrog said:


> She's more than cute. She's gorgeous! No you can't have her number. Not yet anyway ?
> 
> No I'm not messed up. If I was messed up I wouldn't be trying to figure out what and why!


Nobody has called you messed up, but it's a little difficult to help you "figure out what and why" as you're not really telling us much.


devilfrog said:


> During my 1st marriage we did a wee bit of swinging but I stopped finding *I preferred to watch my spouse or hear of her adventures.*


Isn't this the essence of a cuckold fantasy?

I have a gorgeous wife -> Men want to sleep with her -> I like men to sleep with her


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

devilfrog said:


> Now 7 years into marriage #2 after a long break and I want my wife to be a video hotwife. Why????


Who knows why, that said does it matter?

If it is something you would like to happen and it is something you think you would enjoy you should talk to your wife about it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

sokillme said:


> It's just porn addiction taken to it furthest.
> 
> OP what is the point of posting on here, there are plenty of sites where you can freely post and get interest. I am sure Reddit has one. Do you want us to congratulate you? Do you think you are going to convert us? Or is it to get private messages from men? I don't get it.


When someone comes on here and asks opening up, why do people assume that there is a desire to convert? No one comes on here and says gee, I want to convert you to the happily sexless. 

For many years there was this big stink about the "gay agenda" trying to make everyone gay. That has been clearly debunked. My son. Why would anyone choose this? This sucks. People think you're weird. Why would I care if anyone else felt this way? Yah, that makes sense. 

When ANY other topic is brought up on this and the other sibling boards, people are treated with compassion and concern. But when a poster mentions anything about these kinds of feelings, there is a group that attacks them. Open is the new gay. I remember well (too bad it is not entirely gone) when the first response to homosexuality was the same. You're SICK. This goes against nature (all evidence to the contrary)! You must want to convert all of us to gay! Um. Not so much though. Now a gay person posts on here, and they get the same compassion and concern.

It is kind of sad, really. If a person is bothering to reach out about their relationship problems, they probably are not wearing their flame retardant suit. It is why the infidelity forum so roundly rejects the notion of any kind of compassion for a wayward spouse I imagine. Not a fan of that. But not my monkeys and not my circus. 

The reality is that the number of people who are interested in opening up their marriage is not some tiny group of total weirdos. We don't shout it from the roof tops. Who would with this kind of reaction? But the next time you are sitting at a PTA meeting, you can be assured that they are sitting right next to you.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Maybe it's about validation? I mean, what's the point of having a super gorgeous wife who's great in bed if there aren't others to tell you how gorgeous she is, how great in bed she is, and how lucky you are to have her?

Personally, I think hotwife sounds like a much better deal for the wife than the husband. You mean I get to sleep with whoever I want, no problem, no repercussions? Tempting!

I would never be able to stand the sight of my husband with another.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

wild jade said:


> Maybe it's about validation? I mean, what's the point of having a super gorgeous wife who's great in bed if there aren't others to tell you how gorgeous she is, how great in bed she is, and how lucky you are to have her?


In ENM circles it's called compersion. "The feeling of joy one has experiencing another's joy, such as in witnessing a toddler's joy and feeling joy in response. The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy."

Not everyone's sexuality is purely self serving. 



> Personally, I think hotwife sounds like a much better deal for the wife than the husband. You mean I get to sleep with whoever I want, no problem, no repercussions? Tempting!
> 
> I would never be able to stand the sight of my husband with another.


Different strokes. I have never seen a hotwife experience that was about wife getting some fresh. The notion of "getting to sleep with whomever you want" is not even in it. Know thyself. If it is not for you, it is not for you.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

devilfrog said:


> define normal before condemming me!
> 
> I have always liked the idea of sharing my wife
> I'm not wanting her to have a long term affair nor do I wish to be cuckolded but I would love to see/Know my wife being able to enjoy herself with other men.
> ...


Perhaps porn fantasy taken to the next level.

Perhaps some psychological issue running amok.

Perhaps nothing more than you genuinely like for your wife to have pleasure no matter who it's from

You say you grew apart in your first marriage. Did the swinging contribute?

My real questions in all of this has nothing to do with normality or psychological issues.
Do you have a lot of free time?
Do you seek out drama?

I ask this because, in all my many long years of life,the people that I knew that were into swinging/open relationships/hot wife/what ever name to call it this week, all had free time and were always involved in some drama. Changing the dynamics of sexual relations with adding a new partner to mix is like pulling the pin on the drama hand grenade and waiting for it to explode.
Ever single one I knew blew up their marriage/relationship by going down this path.
Every single one was surprised that it blew up and destroyed the relationship

Can these relationships work?
Most definitely.
However, life is already hard enough. Why do you want to make it more difficult?


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

azteca1986 said:


> Nobody has called you messed up, but it's a little difficult to help you "figure out what and why" as you're not really telling us much.
> Isn't this the essence of a cuckold fantasy?
> 
> I have a gorgeous wife -> Men want to sleep with her -> I like men to sleep with her


I called him messed up and I stand by it. I hope he doesn't actually pressure his wife to act on it. To see a man with a wife who loves him and appreciates him and is loyal to him wanting to deliberately throw that away just to act out a porn fantasy, when I never had those things in my marriage and when I was hurt so badly by my wife having an affair - it's disgusting. Guys with this type of fantasy really make me sick.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

devilfrog said:


> define normal before condemming me!
> 
> I have always liked the idea of sharing my wife
> I'm not wanting her to have a long term affair nor do I wish to be cuckolded but I would love to see/Know my wife being able to enjoy herself with other men.
> ...


I am not going to condemn you.

I am going to be a bit religious, but in the spiritual way, not the "evangelical" fashion (the reputaiton of the evangelicals).

I often read that people who accept and express kinks are happier that folk who do not. I can quite believe that. Indeed, I believe it entirely.

I think those who do not express their kinks with their partner will often do so when using Incognito on their web browser. And supress them otherwise. And be miserable.

So far, so pro-kink. I am actually pro-kink acceptence.

Here is my caveat, kinks come from somewhere. 

Sex is usually a very emotional and intimate time and our innermost feelings come to the surface. Those will include love, which is why we "make love" and it expresses that. It can also be feelings of shame, which we can express and our partner accept. It can also be feelings of worthlessness, which we can express and our partner accept. It can also be feelings of control, which we can express and our partner accept. It can be feelings of aggression, which we can express and our partner accept. 

The kink is fine, but recognise, there is a feeling concerning yourself that makes you have this feeling. Inadequacy is the obvious one (most of us have some of that, mate). The problem with a kink is we can take it seriously. Express those feelings, then move on. 
- I have been with many young women that would want an older man to control and dominate them sexually, and make them feel worthless - though I am not inclined to much to that, I could feel myself grow into the role. So I hold back.
- I was once with a young woman who would feel more comfortable with me if she role-reversed slightly, held me in her arms, which got to holding down and onto hard biting. I really started to enjoy in until it felt utterly natural. Until I realized, I was expressing a sense of shame. It was great, I realized it was there and it was like an exorcism. I released it, and we did not go down that path in the same way again. Because, otherwise, I risked defining myself by my shame rather than exorcising it. 

So, no condemnation. You are seeing something inside yourself, and that is beautiful. Express those feelings, but be careful not to feed them. And do not define yourself by them.

Just personal experience, it could be very different for you. 

Good luck, mate. It is a great journey.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

azteca1986 said:


> Nobody has called you messed up, but it's a little difficult to help you "figure out what and why" as you're not really telling us much.
> Isn't this the essence of a cuckold fantasy?
> 
> I have a gorgeous wife -> Men want to sleep with her -> I like men to sleep with her


Some people are taken aback by the derision that the word engenders.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I don't know how "hot" a wife I will feel like if my H wants to pass me around to other men to ****. 

Is this your fantasy or is this something your wife wants to do?


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Ghost Rider said:


> I called him messed up and I stand by it. Guys with this type of fantasy really make me sick.


I missed that. The thread's not really about you, though, is it?

Sorry that you were cheated on, but it's better to give this thread a swerve if it's triggering you.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I'd just like to get back to the why. Many men have a general malaise set in 5-7 years into any LTR. Just like midlife crisis, this normally passes. I'd really look at what is motivating this.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

anastasia6 said:


> I'd just like to get back to the why. Many men have a general malaise set in 5-7 years into any LTR. Just like midlife crisis, this normally passes. I'd really look at what is motivating this.


This just a shot in the dark, as I really have no expertise in this area, but I've given it some thought.

To me, a lot of it may stem from no longer viewing your partner as "yours". I don't mean in the possessive way, per se, but in the natural "this is my wife/husband" kind of way.

A big part of any relationship is viewing each other as... each others. Not as an object, a possession, just more in the familial way, if you follow.

Years ago, when my ex wife was drifting away from me, and the marriage, I noticed she stopped this kind of behaviour with me. She was never possessive of me, in that sense, but, like any spouse, wanted to know where I was, or what I was doing, or with whom. When I'd be back, etc. That stopped at some point. It was subtle, but nonetheless, I noticed.

In other words, she purposefully stopped making me feel "tied down", largely because she was feeling that way, herself.

I believe this sort of interest/behaviour has a lot to do with this general feeling of malaise within a relationship. He is no longer possessive (in the light sense of the word) towards his wife as a quote/unquote "normal" husband would be. And as such, would be perfectly okay using her as a form of live pornography for his sexual satisfaction.

The slippery slope with this, is that he likely feels that this is wholly unselfish, because after all - she's getting laid by someone else, so she's having fun, too. While she very well may be into that, and enjoy it as such, he also runs the extreme risk of her viewing it in the complete opposite light - much like how I recognized my ex wife was drifting away from our marriage at one point.

From my ex wife's POV, she likely thought I'd be HAPPY that she was no longer "checking up on me", etc. But I certainly didn't see it that way at all. Quite the opposite.

Ironically, my current wife started out our relationship like that. She had come from an extremely jealous ex LTR, where her every move was questioned and accusations made (he was coming from a failed marriage and a cheating wife, which I guess he never got over). So in her mind, she didn't want a repeat of any of that life for her, or for me. At some point in the first year, I began to question her extremely relaxed attitude towards things, and told her it was not only okay, but actually preferable that she showed some interest in where I was going, with whom, etc etc etc. Funny, but true. Some sort of 'ownership' of your partner (again, the word is used very lightly) is necessary, IMO. When you're with somebody who doesn't give a crap what you do, where you go, or with whom, you begin to question how serious they are about things. There's a fine line, to be certain, but each end is an extreme.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> In ENM circles it's called compersion. "The feeling of joy one has experiencing another's joy, such as in witnessing a toddler's joy and feeling joy in response. The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy."
> 
> Not everyone's sexuality is purely self serving.
> 
> ...


If it is about compersion, as you say, and is not at all self-serving, then why not let the wife have her joy in discovering new partners? These sorts of new partner experiences can be some of the best!

At any rate, if I'm to be the wife in such an arrangement, it would have to hold at least some appeal for me. Honestly speaking, my husband's joy would only be a part of that equation.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Personal said:


> Though not as common as the hotwife thing, there are women who are also turned on by the idea of their husbands having sex with other women and some do encourage their husbands to do exactly that.


Yes, this is not unheard of, by any stretch.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

alexm said:


> Ironically, my current wife started out our relationship like that. She had come from an extremely jealous ex LTR, where her every move was questioned and accusations made (he was coming from a failed marriage and a cheating wife, which I guess he never got over). So in her mind, she didn't want a repeat of any of that life for her, or for me. At some point in the first year, I began to question her extremely relaxed attitude towards things, and told her it was not only okay, but actually preferable that she showed some interest in where I was going, with whom, etc etc etc. Funny, but true. *Some sort of 'ownership' of your partner (again, the word is used very lightly) is necessary, IMO.* When you're with somebody who doesn't give a crap what you do, where you go, or with whom, you begin to question how serious they are about things. There's a fine line, to be certain, but each end is an extreme.


I have sort of the opposite of a hotwife kink. I have a kink for a man sexually "owning" me and being possessive of me because he cherishes me. Strangely enough, I have taken a lot of heat for this kink. A lot of backlash about being too up in each other's business or being too into each other or too "squicky" about it. For some people, apparently hearing about someone being truly possessive in a sexual way makes them feel very grossed out, I guess. Or that's what I took away from the times I got backlash for explaining my kink (around here and elsewhere, including IRL with female friends).

I had to just accept that some people don't get it and think my kink is weird or yucky.

To describe a bit about what I mean as in a kink....I love it when my man notices another man checking me out in a restaurant say, and my man pulls me into himself closer and makes a show of adoring me and being affectionate with me - - with the obvious purpose of showing this man "she's MINE jackass, and you can watch how much she is mine by seeing how closely I possess her in my arms right now and seeing her melt". Sometimes he might also whisper in my ear "see that guy over there? He wants you SO BAD, he hasn't taken his eyes off of you since we walked in. But I'm not letting you out of my sight or my reach so he can just eat his heart out if he wants."

I also like play fighting about the above. It is just fun. Like say I'm walking down the aisle in a grocery store by myself while my man is in a different aisle. Then my man turns the corner on my aisle and sees me at the end, standing there looking at some product. Then he sees some other guy noticing me. My guy walks up to me and grabs my arm and yanks me into him (we both know how to do this and make it look violent but it is not in anyway, it is just fun) and says with a stern face "oh I see how you are, down here shaking your tail around every man that walks by. You know they are just men, right? They can't help it when you look like that. You are cruel to this poor man who will never, ever get a taste of you, wagging your tail around in front of him", kind of shaking me by the arm the whole time. The implication that I was doing something enticing is pure silliness, as I am simply standing there looking at a product with no awareness that any other man was around at all. That's part of the fun of it. The exaggeration and then the "consequences" of this imagined enticing behavior I was doing are all just silly and edgy and they make me laugh. As he's yanking my arm around and looking like he's being a jealous psycho, I'm just laughing and giggling the whole time, because it is so absurd.

Then later in bed, my man might bring something up about it again and maybe turn me over and paddle me for being so "brazen" and "trying to make that poor man's life hell because he will never get the image of my fine ass out of his head again for the rest of his life, knowing he will never have any of it".

Also things like, "you can't wear that to work today, it's too sexy and I don't want to be any part of the multiple car crashes you will cause going out in public like that, it would just be tragic" (this coming from me putting on a simple skirt and top and a modest heel). 

I work with a lot of young guys, and there's a lot of talk about how it isn't fair of me to turn them on so much by simply showing up to work every day, that I should be required to wear a burka or have to go through the side door so the poor guys don't have to see me, etc. Again...this is all just silliness and fun. The point is that he is telling me that he will not share me with anyone, but that he also wants me to understand how attractive and sexy he thinks I am (by pointing out that other men are noticing). He makes me feel like he believes another man would swoop in at any instant if he wasn't constantly mate guarding me. He may joke about me doing this on purpose, but he knows I am not. I am not turned on by the attention of random males and barely notice it anymore when it happens. It just isn't a way I find or want validation. But the validation I get from my man in these silly, fun forms, is something I love and seek.

And yes, to the point that it makes me so turned on, like nothing else. That's why it is a kink. It is more than just silly and fun...it truly gets me off. 

Edited to add: I have never been questioned or accused by anyone of screwing around or anything like that, ever. So if I had been in your wife's shoes at any point in time, I am sure what I'm describing above would not feel sexy and fun to me. To re-iterate, the fun stuff above does not ever include any type of accusation of my character or faithfulness, nor any real questioning of me or my behavior. If joking about me wagging my tail around, it is truly a joke, to make me laugh, and there is no insinuation that it is true in anyway. I wouldn't be turned on by it if it was coming from that place inside of him.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Stripper Syndrome is a very real thing. Or, in this case, Web Girl Syndrome.
It sounds like you get social value from your wife. You like the feeling of knowing a guy who knows a guy who was in a movie with that guy kinda thing. It makes you interesting without actually taking any of the risk yourself. I mean it's her vagina on camera, lol. It could be that you have very little interesting going on in your solo life so you want to be the husband of a Web Girl? Like a Hockey Wife: Their entire identities revolve around being just that. 

I don't think it's all that uncommon, either. There's a reason the sex industry will survive the ****ing apocalypse, lol. I do, however, think it's just a phase. Once you get your own thing going on the idea of her doing this will probably feel beneath you. Like those hockey wives who go back and get a degree and then talk about how they were such unhappy women when all they were was a hockey wife.

As long as it doesn't consume you forever and she's oK with it eeehhh why not.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I feel this could be a real slippery slope. I would be afraid that I would create a monster out of my W, and she would come to really like the men selected, and may start relationships on the side.

As the H, you would have to create so many rules and ways to enforce them, it would be difficult and very time consuming. As for the ladies, if they were convinced that this was not a setup to allow the H to screw around, where is the downside? Especially if they got to choose their partner for playtime.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MAJDEATH said:


> I feel this could be a real slippery slope. I would be afraid that I would create a monster out of my W, and she would come to really like the men selected, and may start relationships on the side if she really liked them.
> 
> As the H, you would have to create so many rules and ways to enforce them, it would be difficult and very time consuming. As for the ladies, if they were convinced that this was not a setup to allow the H to screw around, *where is the downside?* Especially if they got to choose their partner to for playtime.


Some of us would rather be cherished by a man who would never, ever share us with anyone, than have sex with some rando.

This is not to say I hold any negative opinion about people in this lifestyle or why they do what they do. So it is not a snarky comment I just made, just a very personal feeling I have about my own sex life. (see my post above about this being my kink)

I'm not saying that people in the hotwife lifestyle don't cherish each other, either. Many of them certainly do and some cherish each other even more as a result of their lifestyle.

But in answering your question for myself....ew. Sex with a rando holds zero appeal to me, whereas being possessed and cherished and even "owned" by my man holds all the appeal for me.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

azteca1986 said:


> I missed that. The thread's not really about you, though, is it?
> 
> Sorry that you were cheated on, but it's better to give this thread a swerve if it's triggering you.


He wanted to know if he was messed up and I was answering his question.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

wild jade said:


> If it is about compersion, as you say, and is not at all self-serving, then why not let the wife have her joy in discovering new partners? These sorts of new partner experiences can be some of the best!
> 
> At any rate, if I'm to be the wife in such an arrangement, it would have to hold at least some appeal for me. Honestly speaking, my husband's joy would only be a part of that equation.


Who is expressing compersion for whom? Anyway I agree that it should be beneficial to both. Anyone who is taking one for the team is risking the marriage/non-paperwork endorsed LTR. Or anyone pressuring... etcetera.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Some of us would rather be cherished by a man who would never, ever share us with anyone, than have sex with some rando.
> 
> This is not to say I hold any negative opinion about people in this lifestyle or why they do what they do. So it is not a snarky comment I just made, just a very personal feeling I have about my own sex life. (see my post above about this being my kink)
> 
> ...



I would rather give a big fat hug (handshake, pleasant smile, whatever is comfy...) to someone who knows themselves and is cool with that than have any configuration of sex with someone who was playing a stupid game... GETTING a partner to open up is the biggest pet peeve of mine. Ew ON, girlfriend! (Can I say that? Is it offensive?)


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Some of us would rather be cherished by a man who would never, ever share us with anyone, than have sex with some rando.
> ...


I'm not sure what you mean here. You may have to read my other post about my kink in order for the one you quoted to make sense?

I'm not sure where getting a partner to open up is coming from or how it's relevant to what I posted? But maybe you didn't mean it was.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I have sort of the opposite of a hotwife kink. ......


To fair, if you had been really into hot-wifing, I would expect you to change your username.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I am the last person in the world to condemn you. I do not like when people impose their own moral code on my conduct. My sex life is long and complicated. Short version is that I was a cuckold, a bull and one third of a poly triad with my wife and her girlfriend, for 30 years. I like a lot of sex and to experience all that I can. The girlfriend who was cuckolding me ended up dating a guy behind my back and getting into gang bangs with guys she met a bars and never used a condom as she said she was. I was 19 and naive. It took me a few months before I realized what that faint taste during oral sex was. She got out of control and asked my three friends in front of me to gang bang her. 

I cucked one husband for 25 years, a few others for much shorter periods, some one night stands. After hearing what the wives said about their cucks, I could never let my wife do that. Even my wife knows the danger of it. She met me and three weeks later we were engaged. So knows first hand how two people can fall madly in love in a short period of time even if one is a virgin. I did watch my wife with another guy during a stoned wife swap with friends. My wife and I both hated it and did not orgasm. Our sweet friends were into very rough sex that left my wife bruised and the other guy's wife unsatisfied since i would not hurt her as much she wanted. 

We preferred FFM threesomes. One last thing to say is that most who condition themselves to watching their wives with other men by masturbating to porn, do not realize that in their fantasy they are not feeling any emotions. The one guy I let watch his wife with me, freaked out and ran out of my house. His fantasy did not include jealousy or the fact that I was not having mechanical sex with his wife like he saw in porn videos with hired actors and scripts. It is also one of those things that cannot be undone and you never see a post about the things that can go wrong. Most posts are fake. Have you ever met a hot wife in person or the husband of one? Most have not and yet they think everyone is doing it and loving it. That is not real life and to tell the truth, those who are doing it usually do not post about it. They have no need to impress young single guys who live their sex lives online. I was into BDSM, cuckolding, being a bull and living with two women an never posted once while I was actively engaged. The women still do not post. Try to find a real couple into wife sharing and bet you will never find one in real life that have been doing it long and are still married. We socialized with married couples into all sorts of group and open sex. Most are divorced, many more than once. If you want to risk your marriage, for that is what you are doing, go ahead. Give it a try. Just a hint, rules are false security as is thinking you control the action. Things happen.


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Vinnydee said:


> I am the last person in the world to condemn you. I do not like when people impose their own moral code on my conduct. My sex life is long and complicated. Short version is that I was a cuckold, a bull and one third of a poly triad with my wife and her girlfriend, for 30 years. I like a lot of sex and to experience all that I can. The girlfriend who was cuckolding me ended up dating a guy behind my back and getting into gang bangs with guys she met a bars and never used a condom as she said she was. I was 19 and naive. It took me a few months before I realized what that faint taste during oral sex was. She got out of control and asked my three friends in front of me to gang bang her.
> 
> I cucked one husband for 25 years, a few others for much shorter periods, some one night stands. After hearing what the wives said about their cucks, I could never let my wife do that. Even my wife knows the danger of it. She met me and three weeks later we were engaged. So knows first hand how two people can fall madly in love in a short period of time even if one is a virgin. I did watch my wife with another guy during a stoned wife swap with friends. My wife and I both hated it and did not orgasm. Our sweet friends were into very rough sex that left my wife bruised and the other guy's wife unsatisfied since i would not hurt her as much she wanted.
> 
> We preferred FFM threesomes. One last thing to say is that most who condition themselves to watching their wives with other men by masturbating to porn, do not realize that in their fantasy they are not feeling any emotions. The one guy I let watch his wife with me, freaked out and ran out of my house. His fantasy did not include jealousy or the fact that I was not having mechanical sex with his wife like he saw in porn videos with hired actors and scripts. It is also one of those things that cannot be undone and you never see a post about the things that can go wrong. Most posts are fake. Have you ever met a hot wife in person or the husband of one? Most have not and yet they think everyone is doing it and loving it. That is not real life and to tell the truth, those who are doing it usually do not post about it. They have no need to impress young single guys who live their sex lives online. I was into BDSM, cuckolding, being a bull and living with two women an never posted once while I was actively engaged. The women still do not post. Try to find a real couple into wife sharing and bet you will never find one in real life that have been doing it long and are still married. We socialized with married couples into all sorts of group and open sex. Most are divorced, many more than once. If you want to risk your marriage, for that is what you are doing, go ahead. Give it a try. Just a hint, rules are false security as is thinking you control the action. Things happen.


VinnyDee, thanks for sharing the truth about hotwifing. I have to admit, the thought of sharing did cross my mind once or twice over the last 21 yrs of marriage. But after reading your post and others about the truth, seems like nothing but trouble with no controls and PTSD if you see it happening. And for most couples, an open marriage arrangement (at a certain age) only ends up with one person open, your W!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I don't see the appeal. But then I am a very jealous person.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

devilfrog said:


> define normal before condemming me!
> 
> I have always liked the idea of sharing my wife
> I'm not wanting her to have a long term affair nor do I wish to be cuckolded but I would love to see/Know my wife being able to enjoy herself with other men.
> ...


If you want to destroy marriage #2 go for it. Thought you would have learned from the first.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

devilfrog said:


> She's more than cute. She's gorgeous! No you can't have her number. Not yet anyway ?
> 
> No I'm not messed up. If I was messed up I wouldn't be trying to figure out what and why!


No, you are just trying to destroy this marriage as well. 

Why did your first wife grow distant?

Are you really willing to do this knowing how it ended your first marriage?


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I will offer my two cents and I am sure that for some that may be an overvaluation but nonetheless I posit. I believe that your situation is a product of cognitive underdevelopment and instinctual reactions. As we evolve we leave behind certain aspects of our past and move into new areas of intellectual growth wherein the intellect overrides or overcomes the instinctual. We are all on this journey and at vastly differing stages of progress.

You seem to be one who is less far along than some and therefore have certain inabilities when it comes to deep, meaningful relationships. You seem to "tire" of the "constraints" of monogamy while still pursuing same. My guess is that you married your wife not because you cherish (understanding all that that implies) her but rather because you found her to be, instinctually, quite a prize. Good body proportions, stunning beauty, all the things that instinctually attract a male. However, now you are bored with her and need more "excitement" from the relationship and again, you get that instinctually.

It is built into our DNA to procreate and in order to be assured that OUR offspring propagate there was fierce competition among males. If another male was seen/caught impregnating our female it was/is immediately arousing. Nature programmed it that way so that the male (we) would immediately follow the other male and "deposit" our genetic material in an attempt to "override" the other depositor's contribution and insure that OUR progeny would be the resultant offspring.

In our society today this is, or at least should be, unnecessary as we should be guided more by reason than by urges but it simply is not the case for many. Therefore, understanding this, it is fairly easy to see why you want to "share" your wife. What is not so easy is to overcome this innate behavior and to realize that having "fun" ofttimes brings unintended negative consequences.

If your wife is as hot as you state and if she is roughly at about the same level of cognitive development as you then you may find yourself posting here again in the CWI section especially if you plant the seeds of heretofore unimagined ideas into what could prove to be very fertile ground. This may be compounded by her perception that you do not cherish (understanding all that that implies) her as indicated by your desire to see her used. Careful consideration is suggested before proceeding on this course. Perhaps reread what Vinnydee has written since there is no substitute for first hand experience. I wish you good fortune.


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

Vinnydee said:


> I am the last person in the world to condemn you. I do not like when people impose their own moral code on my conduct. My sex life is long and complicated. Short version is that I was a cuckold, a bull and one third of a poly triad with my wife and her girlfriend, for 30 years. I like a lot of sex and to experience all that I can. The girlfriend who was cuckolding me ended up dating a guy behind my back and getting into gang bangs with guys she met a bars and never used a condom as she said she was. I was 19 and naive. It took me a few months before I realized what that faint taste during oral sex was. She got out of control and asked my three friends in front of me to gang bang her.
> 
> I cucked one husband for 25 years, a few others for much shorter periods, some one night stands. After hearing what the wives said about their cucks, I could never let my wife do that. Even my wife knows the danger of it. She met me and three weeks later we were engaged. So knows first hand how two people can fall madly in love in a short period of time even if one is a virgin. I did watch my wife with another guy during a stoned wife swap with friends. My wife and I both hated it and did not orgasm. Our sweet friends were into very rough sex that left my wife bruised and the other guy's wife unsatisfied since i would not hurt her as much she wanted.
> 
> We preferred FFM threesomes. One last thing to say is that most who condition themselves to watching their wives with other men by masturbating to porn, do not realize that in their fantasy they are not feeling any emotions. The one guy I let watch his wife with me, freaked out and ran out of my house. His fantasy did not include jealousy or the fact that I was not having mechanical sex with his wife like he saw in porn videos with hired actors and scripts. It is also one of those things that cannot be undone and you never see a post about the things that can go wrong. Most posts are fake. Have you ever met a hot wife in person or the husband of one? Most have not and yet they think everyone is doing it and loving it. That is not real life and to tell the truth, those who are doing it usually do not post about it. They have no need to impress young single guys who live their sex lives online. I was into BDSM, cuckolding, being a bull and living with two women an never posted once while I was actively engaged. The women still do not post. Try to find a real couple into wife sharing and bet you will never find one in real life that have been doing it long and are still married. We socialized with married couples into all sorts of group and open sex. Most are divorced, many more than once. If you want to risk your marriage, for that is what you are doing, go ahead. Give it a try. Just a hint, rules are false security as is thinking you control the action. Things happen.


 what is being a bull? What are you up to nowadays? That was a lot of action you described.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Bianca Stella said:


> what is being a bull? What are you up to nowadays? That was a lot of action you described.


Just search for his posts.


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## ken_24 (Dec 13, 2017)

devilfrog said:


> define normal before condemming me!
> 
> I have always liked the idea of sharing my wife
> I'm not wanting her to have a long term affair nor do I wish to be cuckolded but I would love to see/Know my wife being able to enjoy herself with other men.
> ...


Hi, 

I think this desire comes from somewhere deep inside you that no one will understand apart from the people that practice this lifestyle, of sharing one's wife. From what I've read, in order to be at peace with this thought you need to confess to your wife and if she loves you she'll accept this part of you. However, I would be careful not to expect your wife to actually go through with your fantasy because it takes a lot of trust and openness for a couple to jump into this type of lifestyle (it's not for every one). 

I did enough research to know that couples breakup because they've tried this lifestyle or the wife did it to please her husband. The reason I know so much is because I have the same inexplicable fantasy of sharing my fiancée or seeing her with another man or having a threesome with another guy, me and her. Some may this fantasy is caused by porn, but I believe the explanation originates from a deep place in our minds. 

I think by telling your wife, which I've done with my fiancée after much courage and years of preparation, you would open some kind of doorway that would pave the way for an interesting sexual relationship filled with excitement due to fantasies. 

Personally, I still have lots of work to do with communicating with my fiancée but we're slowly getting there.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

devilfrog said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> 
> I understand the porn angle but that can be discounted as it's not something I've really done.
> 
> But it has given me some ideas to think about.





devilfrog said:


> She's more than cute. She's gorgeous! No you can't have her number. Not yet anyway ?
> 
> No I'm not messed up. If I was messed up I wouldn't be trying to figure out what and why!


Dear devifrog; 

My 2 cents. You need to objectively stand back and ask yourself what you hope to get out of the hotwife experience. You also need to find out your wife's views on the matter. Everything in marriage is about compromise, in my opinion and balanced against hard boundaries of each spouse.

If your wife is OK with it and you think you are OK with it.....enjoy, but be very careful both emotionally, physically, and STD-wise. You night be better off in exploring this fantasy first through role play with your wife, than rushing in to bring in another person. For example, your wife could do something like tie you naked to the bed, go in the next room with her battery operated boyfriend, play some loud porn, and come into the room later to tell you about "her date" and what "he" did to her. She could even show you her engorged vulva. That might allow you to help figure out some of the emotional appeal of this fantasy. 

You could also dress up as the other man, and video having sex with your wife. Afterwards she could make you watch it with her and explain how much different sex with "him" was, as a way of finding out what emotionally this fantasy is trying to provide. 

Good luck, but be very careful and respect any hard boundaries yur wife may have.


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