# Separated for 1 month



## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

Hi Guys, Im new to this forum My story is pretty involved but i'll get straight to the point. My wife suddenly separated me about a month ago and moved in with her parents. We have been together for 11 years and married for almost 3 years. We have an amazing little 2 and a half year old son together whom currently moved with his mother.

I'm really cofussed because I really love this woman and whenever we discuss our issues she reminds me she isn't sure of what she wants, she doesn't want a divorce though. We worked together in a family business for four years together until we separated she obviously left suddenly.

We speak alot over the phone about emotional feelings and of course about our son, she always answers my calls but seems to never call me or respond to any messages. In a month we have been to the zoo with my son, a wedding where there were many tears, a dinner and yesterday a breakfast with my son where we spent the afternoon together.

I have moved into my own appartment for the time being because I need my stability and independence and there is nothing more in the world I want but for her to return to me with my son. She is currently unemployed and I support more than a few expenses for her. 

About two weeks ago she and I went for lunch and we discussed our feelings, we ended up kissing each other in the car when we left and she said it would be fun dating again however next day, bang!! not sure what she wanted, confused me blindly and i', now riding this wicked emotional rollercoaster. 

At breakfast yesterday we didn't discuss anything about our relationship, we just chatted in general with short remarks and simple responses. We hugged goodbye and she left.

I'm really confussed at this moment as I so desperately want to call her today but i haven't and i'm not sure if i should. Do you think i should give her some space and a few days without any contact. Please any suggestions, I feel so lost and deeply saddened.


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## andy32m (Jan 27, 2011)

I really feel for you. My wife left 12 days ago and i can't even imagine what it is going to be like one month into our separation. We dont have any kids but have two dogs. My wife is ambiguous as well and said i am her best friend and that if we got divorced she wpuld be concerned that six or twelve months down the road she might realize she made a huge mistake. She just wants time to reevaluate her "true" feelings and to "find herself". Obviously not what i want to hear. I havent been handling it well either. I have had a few breakdowns and called and begged her to come home. I lack self-control and really need to stick to her wishes of space. In the end i wont be able to keepmher trapped in a marriage she doesnt want to be in. So i need her to miss me and hope that feeling in her gut gets stronger that this would be a mistake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why did you marry after 8 years? For the kid?


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

How can somebody through a marriage away like it never happened for selfish reason? People today are being more selfish and not trying harder to work in their relationship, in their problems.They find the separation the easiest away.
After 11 years together your wife still doesn't know what she wants?:scratchhead:


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## attmay13 (Mar 17, 2011)

Im at the 2 month mark and my marriage is the same way! one min she wants this and the next she want that! She tells me one thing then tells other something different! It doesnt get any better trust me! Stay on here meet new people and make friends! I have and I have found my rock on this website. Although she is half a world away she has been there to help me up and dust me off! I needed and still do need it. I know that she has her own problems and I hope that she get what she want because she is a great person. There are people on here that will be there to lisen and help any way that they can.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Yes, I think you should give her some space and not contact her.
Use this time to work on you. Think about what you can do to improve your life.

I suggest reading "Divorce Busting" by Michele Weiner-Davis.
It gives a lot of insight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

Part of it yes however we have had many happy years together and my wife was always eager to get married.


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

Hi Guys, thanks for the support, i realise i'm in for the long haul cause i believe in the right thing, I want her and my son back now only because my heart is telling my head what to think. I'm hopeful that between 12 and 18 months I will know what i want and what she wants. I need to choose a better life for me and my son, I know that, I just wish my heart would stop talking to my head. I also know i do not own her neither her thoughts and emotions, she is a great wife and a fantastic mother. I want her to be happy but i just can't seem to help the way i feel. It kind of feels like i'm paralised, physically and emotionally, it feels like my heart is beating but in my throat. It feels that no matter where i stand, kitchen, bedroom, outside, no matter where feels like a lost place.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Hang in there. I'm in a similar position. Except mine just deteriorated. It's so hard to have hope, but all you can do is take care of yourself. You can't control or understand what she thinks or feels. All you can do is try.


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## Sas581011 (Mar 27, 2011)

Thanks LonelyNLost, I am hanging in, this rollercoaster of emotions is very distracting though. I know many of us suffer, this feeling of not knowing what the future holds is weird but come to think of it i've never know the answer to that question even when we were together, does anyone really know?


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