# Mother's Day + Girlfriend with kids = ?



## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Okay ladies, so I just met a girl that I have a really good connection with. We both recently came out of 10 year marriages that ended because of infidelity (both of our spouses were cheaters). In any case, she has kids, that for obvious reasons I will not meet for a while, and I will not see her on Mother's Day - but I still care about her enough to show her that I appreciate the amazing job she does with her 3 kids -their father moved out of state, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is...

I'm not sure what is appropriate for a situation like this, any suggestions to get me going are so very much appreciated!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

You don't have to get her anything. If you want to do something, I think a card with a hand-written note expressing how good a job you think she does with her children - basically, the sentiment you wrote above - would be nice.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Rowan said:


> You don't have to get her anything. If you want to do something, I think a card with a hand-written note expressing how good a job you think she does with her children - basically, the sentiment you wrote above - would be nice.


Completely agree. Remember, she's not YOUR mother so no gift expected. But a nice note would be much appreciated by her, I'm sure.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

Thanks, I tend to overthink things, and I am the type to go over-the-top for any anniversary, holiday, etc when I was married - but this is a totally new situation for me.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

That's a really nice sentiment. However, she's not _your_ mother though, is she? Is this something that is common in the States? :scratchhead: If my boyfriend gave me something for Mothers Day I'd think it was weird. Each to their own. I'd leave it to her children to acknowledge the day bc that's what it's there for.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

FizzBomb said:


> That's a really nice sentiment. *However, she's not your mother though, is she? Is this something that is common in the States? *:scratchhead: If my boyfriend gave me something for Mothers Day I'd think it was weird. Each to their own. *I'd leave it to her children to acknowledge the day bc that's what it's there for*.


The bold is true enough, and a fair and not uncommon sentiment. She's not his mother, and he should definitely do something for his own mother. However, she's his girlfriend and she is a mom. In my area, wishing someone a happy Mother's Day relies less on their relationship to you and more on the fact that they are a mother. Last night, I wished my Mom and grandmother and later my ex-SIL, ex-MIL and my ex-husband's new girlfriend all a happy early Mother's Day - both families celebrated it last night for scheduling reasons - because they are all mothers, even though they're not mine. 

And, given that it sounds like her own ex-husband may be unlikely to prompt their children to do anything for her, if her kids are young-ish, she may otherwise receive no acknowledgment at all on Mother's Day. As I said, he has no obligation here, but it's always nice to receive recognition from people who care about you on special occasions.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I don't think it's too odd unless we're just oddballs.

We have always gotten things for each other for Mother/Father's day, just like Christmas, Valentine's Day and Birthdays. Nothing huge but a card and a small gift, even when we were separated. 

I also get stuff for my favourite Aunt who is like a surrogate mom to me, for Mother's Day because I love her. It's not about them being *our* parents, it's just to acknowledge them as a parent.

That being said, I don't think you should feel obligated to do so, it is nice to do though.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Leave the GF alone tomorrow. Let her have a whole day with her family & her kids.

If she reaches out to you and asks you to come over, .... then, you could take out her & her kids to a family fun movie.

Otherwise, let it be a day for her & her kids to be together.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> However, she's not your mother though, is she? Is this something that is common in the States?


Just to answer this - yes, this is a common thing in the states. IE - that husbands give wives Mother's Day cards/flowers/gifts if the couple has children. 

Hence perhaps, part of OP's question - wondering what is appropriate in a non-married situation where you are dating and aren't the father of the children in question.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

FizzBomb said:


> That's a really nice sentiment. However, she's not _your_ mother though, is she? Is this something that is common in the States? :scratchhead: If my boyfriend gave me something for Mothers Day I'd think it was weird. Each to their own. I'd leave it to her children to acknowledge the day bc that's what it's there for.


My SIL has always wished me a Happy Fathers Day as well as my MIL and FI L. I don't really think that is weird.

My SIL wrote something like you're not my father, but I think your an awesome Dad. That made me feel so good coming from her...


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

I even wished the manager where I get takeout a Happy Mothers Day. I know she is single and she works very hard. I am a weekly customer. She didn't seem weirded out by it.... Maybe surprised.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Starstarfish said:


> Just to answer this - yes, this is a common thing in the states. IE - that husbands give wives Mother's Day cards/flowers/gifts if the couple has children.
> 
> Hence perhaps, part of OP's question - wondering what is appropriate in a non-married situation where you are dating and aren't the father of the children in question.





Clawed said:


> Okay ladies, *so I just met a girl*


Starfish - I thought it was like this in the states. Like I said 'Each to their own and all that'. I'd hate for my husband to give me a Mother's Day card - he's not my son. I like to keep it simple - I just want something from my children. Conversely he'd think I'd lost my marbles if I gave him a Father's Day card :lol:

Clawed, you said you 'just met' this woman. I dunno :scratchhead: I still don't think it's appropriate especially given that you are in a new relationship. I wouldn't worry about whether the father of the children does anything or not - not exactly your problem. Wouldn't take that on if it were me.

Anyway, so it's Mothers Day - what did you end up doing?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

FizzBomb said:


> Starfish - I thought it was like this in the states. Like I said 'Each to their own and all that'. I'd hate for my husband to give me a Mother's Day card - he's not my son. I like to keep it simple - I just want something from my children. Conversely he'd think I'd lost my marbles if I gave him a Father's Day card :lol:
> 
> Clawed, you said you 'just met' this woman. I dunno :scratchhead: I still don't think it's appropriate especially given that you are in a new relationship. I wouldn't worry about whether the father of the children does anything or not - not exactly your problem. Wouldn't take that on if it were me.
> 
> Anyway, so it's Mothers Day - what did you end up doing?


One year about 8 years ago, I didn't get my wife a card. My daughter and made our own. She was so angry that I didn't go buybone, at least from me. She didn't feel I appreciated her all because I didn't get her a card...I didn't see the big deal. We made one specially for her...I though she would like that better.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

FizzBomb said:


> Starfish - I thought it was like this in the states. Like I said 'Each to their own and all that'. I'd hate for my husband to give me a Mother's Day card - he's not my son. I like to keep it simple - I just want something from my children. Conversely he'd think I'd lost my marbles if I gave him a Father's Day card :lol:
> 
> Clawed, you said you 'just met' this woman. I dunno :scratchhead: I still don't think it's appropriate especially given that you are in a new relationship. I wouldn't worry about whether the father of the children does anything or not - not exactly your problem. Wouldn't take that on if it were me.
> 
> Anyway, so it's Mothers Day - what did you end up doing?


I could have sworn that he posted he got her flowers but the flower delivery got messed up. Did I dream this?


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

If I were the woman on the receiving end of this and I did not get at least a "Happy Mother's Day" text, I would take it to mean this guy is not interested in me.


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## Clawed (May 21, 2013)

*Thank you for all of the responses, I sincerely appreciate that!*

So, what did I do? I posted a nice sentiment about how I thought she was an amazing mom on FB. I did the same in a text and since I was out of town, when I arrived home (and the kids were in bed), we talked for a couple of hours on the phone. Also, today, I am going to stop by and give her the small gifts that I did end up getting her, just to show my love and appreciation.

She is a very special girl, and I am crazy about her, so although she is not expecting anything, it's just something I wanted to do.

It will be a while before I get to meet the kids, just as it will be a while before she meets my son. But, I care about her, and I am blown away that she has full custody of 3 kids, goes to school and just started a new job. She is something pretty amazing


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

A gift no, if you were married then maybe (I have gotten my wife things for previous Mother's days) but I think a father can show his appreciation for the work the mother of his children and his wife does all year for their kids.
But I wish anyone who I know is a mom happy mother's day, I even send a text to my buddies on father's day, face it being a parent is hard work and many times a thankless job any recognition for their sacrifice is a good thing.


Just read your post about what you did for her(that's what happens when you only look at page 1) and it sounded nice, given her situation and the way you feel about her nothing wrong about it a good way to show you are a considerate man.


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