# blended family/inlaws/ex



## evmarie (Oct 24, 2013)

My husband and I have been together for five years married for five months. We have three children between the two of us. His children are 11 and 13 and mine is 16. We have custody of all the children and they live with us. This is our second marriage for each of us. My ex I do not have to deal with because he lives in another state, but his ex lives about 20 min away. She is the one who walked out 9 years ago and gave custody to my husband, and sees the children every other weekend and has had the choice to see them more but doesn't. Before I met my husband he relied on his parents a lot because of his job and they were there for him to help him out. On nights that he would have to work he would take them over to their house where they would stay. This went on for several years until he met me. It did not all happen quick because we did not want to make a huge change for the kids sake. Slowly they would stay at house with me one day a week and it was ok. Youngest daughter had a lot of anger issues because she thought I was coming between her mom and dad because the mom would still tell the children she loved him which only confused them more. She would act out in anger alot and when she was left home with me she would cry and scream. So it came to the point I just told dad to let them go to their grandparents because I did not want her to act like that. Things started to get out of hand with the daughter and things were being said to the grandparents about stuff that didnt happen or the story never got told the right way. It was always made out to be I was the worst person in the world. But rather than the grandparents talking to husband or myself about this they just took a 7 year old story and run with it. When my husband would go drop them off or pick them up the grandparents would yell and scream at him in front of the children. And we were not having any luck with the daughter so we knew it was time to get her into counsling to help her out with anger issues and dealing with emotions. She was in counsling for almost two years and every single day we saw a huge change in her mood and behavior when she was home. But every time she would go to grandparents or mothers house for her weekend she would come back and we would have to start all over again. From the grandparents saying she isn't your mom and always asking what did she say or what did she do and did she do or say it like this. And the mom never having any sort of communication with father about anything. Except a few rare times when things were being said they would talk and she knew that none of it was true because she said she gets one story and then it turns out to be something different. In talking to the counslers they advised us that we needed to limit the time the kids are with their grandparents because it seemed to be making the situation much worse. So we did we limited the time to just one day a week. And that did not go over very well at all things went down hill from there. We had dfs called on us which didn't turn into anything they were called for an accusation that was made a year prior and turned out to be something that didn't happen but dfs was called a year later. Then we were starting to set wedding dates and then get served with modification papers saying the kids have stated they wanted to reside with their mom because it was unsafe here and that we are abusive people, and we do not take care of the children the way they need to be. All of that came as a huge surprize because we never knew anything was going on because everyone meaning our family were getting along so well. So that all came out of no where. So attorneys got involved and he advised us that the kids didnt even need to go over there every thursday that it could just be once in a while. So that is what we did. Things got worse. In laws were hanging out with ex wife which prior to husband meeting me they had nothing to do with because of what had happend. Now they hang out with her and they go to functions together. Husband has not talked to parents for two years now because the last time he saw his father he made threat to hurt my 16 year old because he said he was bullying the daughter which was not the case they got into a argument but he said it was bullying. In laws were the ones calling the mother telling her stuff and saying she needed to do something about it. Now when the kids are with their mom they get to see grandparents as much as they want because mom is willing to give up her every other weekend and let them stay with them. Kids have said they don't want to say anything because they are afraid they would be yelled at the same way grandparents yell and scream at father so they do not stand up for us at all. Now we are in the middle of a modification because now after almost 9 years the mother wants to have sole custody of the kids have them switch schools where they have been since preschool. And wants to try and drag us down as much as possible and the ones that are next to her in court are my husbands parents. I just don't understand any of this and I don't understand how the kids can just sit back and not say anything on our behalf instead of all of this being done. I mean are the kids just playing each side? I am lost and I guess just need some help in understanding why this is happening? When the kids are home everyone gets along so well we all laugh joke and etc. But why is this going on.


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