# "We can talk more though"



## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

What on earth does this sort of message mean???

"I know decisions need to be made...I can only imagine what it's like for you too. I should have just moved out.....BUT WE CAN TALK MORE THOUGH."

I start off hearing I am done, I am sorry, nothing can be fixed. Then I hear "but we can talk more".....

Do any of you guys get mixed messages as I have? Things go well, then they don't...then maybe they can work out...then no absolutely not?

I should have just moved out.....but we can talk more. ????!!!!???


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

I know the feeling, I just posted yesterday evening. H sends me a message, "I think I want to be with you". Nothing else, no lets see what happens, no i think i want to be with you...BUT. I mean will you men just say what you want and spare us this joyride that is more like the movie than actual joy!!!


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

Jenna, several weeks after my husband left, he did tell me he wanted to talk more too. So we arranged to meet, me thinking the talk would be steered towards wanting to reconcile. It turned out he wanted to talk more about why the marriage should end and the "practical" ways to get a divorce. It seemed he was also anxious to "talk" in order to be on my good side, to appear like the good husband who was "forced" to leave me but would always love me. The motive - so that I will soften towards him, and not contest him silly during the divorce proceeding later because he still luuuurves me and thus I should not give him a hard time during the divorce, for his financial sake. Its a freaking strategy. 

Manipulations.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

They want to talk more so they can get an EGO boost when you tell them you still want to work on the marriage.

Or they want to talk more about how to proceed with the divorce in a civil way. 

Until you hear them say the words, i want to talk to you about R.... then you should Go on as you do not need them! (easier said than done)


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

Sue and PC -- I am not saying that H isn't hurting me, because the situation is about as painful as it gets.....but I do not think you can group all men as manipulators or assume things. Likewise I cannot assume talking will be good. However H and I have constantly communicated throughout living apart for 3 months. Sometimes we just hung out, watched a movie and made small talk....sometimes we talked about us....each time we did the latter he agreed we had a lot of history to just be done....but a few days later he'd revert back. 

In the end, it doesn't look promising to fix things, and I have to accept that, really because I have no choice.....not it become a game of how to go about dealing with families and all of our mutual friends.....


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

Just checking in Jenna, how are things going on your end?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Jenna did you move back in?

Don`t make any decisions until you`re back in and the brother is out.


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

I haven't moved back in....I haven't talked to my H since the aforementioned email reply. Been crying all weekend. I just don't see how someone can just give up. How someone can just switch off their emotions and say well, I'm out.....but not really say it. 

I have no idea how to erase him from my life, and at the same time I am not sure that I really want to. Our families are connected, we have a slew of the same friends, 2 cats, bills....but I couldn't begin to handle him finding someone new. 

I really feel that I am one of the few women out there being left, not for someone else, but because my H may never have actually loved me to begin with.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

In the case of my separation, both my wayward W and I used this language, for her it was likely to help her overcome whatever regret or uncertainty about her decision to leave, for me it was to give me the glimmer of hope because my heart wasn't ready to let go yet. In my case it was part of the detachment process, and it was painful because it offered up some false hope... However perhaps if there is real hope the same words can be spoken - it is up to you and your H to decide the meaning for yourselves.

And Jenna, I too had that exact feeling that I was being left not for someone else (despite her affair, which was just a series of flings really) but because she never loved me. It was an empty feeling that hasn't been filled since she left, nor do I think that emptiness will ever be filled but that is part of the grief process and once you accept that the feeling does start to go away and you realize that it is something you have control over for yourself.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

You do still intend to move in yes?

I think you need to, the seperation isn't helping your cause.
Some day to day closeness with him can give you an idea where his head is at and may make him see he doesn't want to lose you.

It may go the other way as well but at least it will get you out of this horrible limbo sooner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

I guess I could - the issue is the brother....there is not enough space for us all, not to mention I want the bother out. 

So I just show up and crawl into bed at night? There is only 1 bedroom - brother is on a bed in the loft which is adjacent to the bedroom. 

This is what I do - I analyze everything. H's mom flys into town on Thursday. I guess maybe I could go home tomorrow or Wed....just trying to figure out how to do it...just go and stay. It's all so strange.

I have been bother all day by his last email (the one I posted about).....that he said "I should have just moved out" No mention of divorce.....to me that says he just wants to go away, and pretend nothing is wrong. I ended up emailing the Pastor who married us nearly 3 years ago. At this point even if there is no hope for H&I I figure I need to believe in something again. Pastor emailied me back saying that he would like very much to help, but H will need to want it too...and if not he said he is happy to sit and talk with me. 

I am stuck at the place of this isn't cut and dry. Our families talk - my mom and her H will always be around for my H and likewise me with his family....this won't just "go away". I couldn't bare to see what he was up to if we D'd but at the same time, I'll always know b\ of our mutual friends and our families. 

It's all just a big mess.


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## cherrymamajb87 (Nov 9, 2011)

Yes, you go home you unpack maybe start making some dinner, if he says anything about it tell him as far as you're concerned you two are still married and this is your home too. If he is uncomfortable with the situation he can always sleep on the couch. Or better yet let his brother find somewhere to go and he can set up camp in the loft. 

This won't be "cut and dry" 10 years is a life, you share relationships, and families and friends, and they aren't as easy to split in the divorce as a house or bank accounts. Make sure to let your families know that they are not required to take sides and that you will both still care for all of them no matter how the cards fall.


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

Well now I get an email "we can meet tonight if you want".

Not talk -- MEET. Really???!!!!?? Meet about what? 

Cherry - they all do know that and they all have said the same things to both he and I "we aren't taking sides, we just want the best for both of you". 

Got an email from the Pastor who is willing to help, but it seems as though H is so far gone. And yet I still hold out hope.....it seems sad.


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