# Let’s talk foreplay



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Maybe because I waited till marriage to have sex, and always viewed PIV as what I thought the point was, that I have always rushed foreplay. Or I viewed it as a way to get me ready for piv, which I am always ready quickly. 

But what do you think about foreplay? How long do you do it for? Is it just a means to get to PIV? Men do you orgasm faster when the girl does a lot of foreplay on you?
Women do you prefer a lot of foreplay? Does it have any effect on whether you will achieve an orgasm?
Also... I always thought foreplay was for women mostly.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, my view: foreplay is nothing more than variations on the theme of sex. It can be ENTIRELY sufficient all by itself -- many of the "foreplay" activities can lead to very, ummm, satisfying conclusions. PIV is NOT always required.
YES it can be used to GET to PIV, but that doesn't always have to be the destination. 

I DO however think foreplay should be in every couple's arsenal of sexual tools. Sometimes its a quicky with minimal foreplay -- if both are in THAT particular mood. Sometimes it's a long drawn out foreplay just because.
Life would be boring without foreplay, IMO.

How long? see above -- sometimes minimal, sometimes REALLY long - depends on our moods.

I also think this is very tuned to the individuals. Some women (at least from reading here) don't like giving/receiving oral -- some do. Some men also like/don't like oral (giving or receiving). Some get off on PIV, some don't, etc (insert your favorite foreplay item here...) Some think PIV is the be all end all of sex -- some don't.

I think ALL of it is fun, enjoyable -- WITH the right person of course.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> But what do you think about foreplay? How long do you do it for? Is it just a means to get to PIV? Men do you orgasm faster when the girl does a lot of foreplay on you?


I like it.

How long? Somewhere between zero and an hour if I break out the massage oil and go to town with that. She doesn’t count an hour long massage where I do whatever she wants as foreplay (I do though).

Is it just for PIV, hmm... maybe 90%. Have had it end up in oral before but these days if I really want PIV (prefer it) I’m making a grab for the PJs/panties and removing them and seeing what happens. Either it’s happening or I get pushed down and something else happens. Either way it’s good!

Orgasm faster? Yes almost all the time for me. For her I don’t think so although maybe you could say that without foreplay to get her responsive desire going she wouldn’t even try for one. Who knows...


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I approve.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I miss foreplay more than any other aspect of my sex life.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Can't speak for everyone but for me the better the foreplay the better the orgasm and that applies to duration also. During foreplay I usually start to edge and that allows me to go for a long time. When I finally have an organism it's intense. When there's little to no foreplay I orgasm faster but it's less intense. So I'm a big fan of foreplay.

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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

How long, with my post menopausal wife? I like to think it's analogous to bringing home an underripe avocado, the timing is rather challenging. I kid, somewhat. 

We used to be like, is it wet yet? Is it wet yet? Stick it in. I kid, much more than above.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I also view foreplay as an extension of, or variation on, the theme of sex.

@Girl_power my experience is almost the opposite to yours in that foreplay, or rather just play, was a big factor in my sexual journey. While I wasn't sexually 'saving myself' for marriage (and given I didn't think I'd ever want to get married), I did wait to share sex as part of a loving connection. As it turns out, that loving connection ended up being Batman. In the early days, we could spend HOURS playing. Literally all night sessions as part of us getting to know one another intimately. There was a focus on experiencing physical sensations and response alongside mental stimulation, much of which was while I was still a virgin. We shared variations of oral pleasure, different forms of touch, things like tracing the body with an ice-cube and licks and kisses (aww so cute), light restraints, blind-folds, some fantasy-talk/start of role-play... it was the basis of learning each other well. That might seem strange to some, yet it was part of my journey (writing from individual stance). And we expanded upon these themes with time, which no doubt influenced how we sexually connect years later. Although I can't say we engage in those all night sessions anymore. Sleep is important! And it's not to say we haven't had bumps in the road, but I'm keeping this to the topic.

While I don't 'need' much in the way of fore-play to be 'ready' for PIV, we do both consider that 'play' (sometimes fore, sometimes just play) as enticing and connecting; part of the shared sexual/sensual/erotic experience. And it can be a few minutes or several hours. Depends on the vibe and what's occurring in the moment.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Sometimes lingerie gets mentioned here (and was reading interaction in another thread). And sometimes that can be an aspect of foreplay (if not worn during). While no doubt it can convey a certain seduction and basically look appealing, yet from my perspective at least, it has a lot to do with conveying attitude - and the interaction that unfolds. I first bought lingerie when I was 17 and it was influenced by a guy I crushed on, who was a couple of years older than me. Nothing occurred between us but I tucked away a snippet he shared about being in a relationship with an older woman (she was mid-late 20s) and he loved that she wore lingerie. This sparked my curiosity to shop for lingerie; didn't have a boyfriend at the time, hadn't met Batman, was just curious.

A friend has recently gotten curious about lingerie and asked me to shop with her. She's never looked for lingerie before, doesn't know where to go or what the brands are, is a bit intimidated but wants to explore this. Oh leave it with me! Although when she expressed the assumption that I'd be taking her to a sex-shop, I went  ... wait, what do you mean by lingerie? I mentioned a few options/brands I'd look to as a starting point, then asked if she meant more a different range of options. Upon hearing those other options, she was then  ...and NO! haha. Anyway, I'm all for supporting her in exploring a potential side of herself that she hadn't considered before and now wants to, of her own accord, and while forming part of her sexual expression within her marriage.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

For me that would be the ideal foreplay is a lingerie display however I’d need a bucket of cold water thrown on me after, either that or a bottle of champagne.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Cletus said:


> I miss foreplay more than any other aspect of my sex life.


Can you tell me specifically what part your missing?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I think foreplay is great and it makes the PIV better (for both of us), if things progress that far. Foreplay can be great on its own as well. So yes _sometimes _it is a means to get to PIV (or have it be better), but it can also be the main event.

How long? It varies. Occasionally I'm just lazy or tired but the duration is almost always determined by my wife. Sometimes we don't do it at all if she's ready to go or her mood is either "we have a house full of kids who could interrupt" or "just get it over with". Sometimes it's quick, either for the same reasons or because she wants to make sure we get to PIV or wants that portion to last longer. Sometimes it lasts over an hour or two, unless she's in a "I won't get there, so don't bother" mood that I can't talk her out of.

I would assume that unless a woman can orgasm from PIV, foreplay would determine whether she orgasms or not. I don't need foreplay to be "ready", and it varies for my wife, but sex is better for both of us with it. Do I orgasm faster after foreplay? Yes and it's usually stronger as well, but the same applies if I'm only doing the foreplay on her and getting nothing in return (before PIV). And foreplay on its own can also be enough for me, I don't need PIV so we don't always make it that far.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

From my experience I get too excited and impatient and I just can’t wait to have sex. Foreplay for me is great as long as it’s not too long. And I could tell from my last two partners that I’m ready to move past foreplay sooner than they might be. Or at least I’m the one to be like... ok bang me now. (Not these words of course). 
And to be honest... prolonging intercourse annoys me and starts to feel like torture.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> From my experience I get too excited and impatient and I just can’t wait to have sex. Foreplay for me is great as long as it’s not too long. And I could tell from my last two partners that I’m ready to move past foreplay sooner than they might be. Or at least I’m the one to be like... ok bang me now. (Not these words of course).
> And to be honest... prolonging intercourse annoys me and starts to feel like torture.


What is too long?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Torninhalf said:


> What is too long?


6 mins lol


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> From my experience I get too excited and impatient and I just can’t wait to have sex. Foreplay for me is great as long as it’s not too long. And I could tell from my last two partners that I’m ready to move past foreplay sooner than they might be. Or at least I’m the one to be like... ok bang me now. (Not these words of course).
> And to be honest... prolonging intercourse annoys me and starts to feel like torture.


I also wonder what is too long - as well as what kind of 'foreplay' you have experienced; although might be too personal to share.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> 6 mins lol


Maybe 4.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> 6 mins lol


Oh my, I'd call that a quickie lol

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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think with a new partner I’m always turned on so I’m ready to go. And I feel awkward when there is a waterfall in my pants. 
One time I leaked through my underwear and pajamas pants just from making out. I had to make an excuse why I changed my pants. So think of that with prolonged foreplay. 


I think it’s not about how much time so much as when I’m dying for PIV I think a lot of the other stuff is just torture for some reason. Like I can’t fully relax until we have PIV Or something.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> I think with a new partner I’m always turned on so I’m ready to go. And I feel awkward when there is a waterfall in my pants.
> One time I leaked through my underwear and pajamas pants just from making out. I had to make an excuse why I changed my pants. So think of that with prolonged foreplay.
> 
> 
> I think it’s not about how much time so much as when I’m dying for PIV I think a lot of the other stuff is just torture for some reason. Like I can’t fully relax until we have PIV Or something.


That's the stuff us guys love to see lol

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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> And I feel awkward when there is a waterfall in my pants.
> One time I leaked through my underwear and pajamas pants just from making out


I'm not sure there is such a thing as "too wet" for any guy. Us guys would rather see Niagara Falls than the Sahara


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> I think it’s not about how much time so much as when I’m dying for PIV I think a lot of the other stuff is just torture for some reason. Like I can’t fully relax until we have PIV Or something.


Maybe there's something to embracing that _natural flow _of being in the moment - the pleasure or potential delayed gratification for what it is, rather than thinking ahead and feeling anxious; or to increase focus on his (or mutual) pleasure and arousal (mental and physical). Maybe you're also content with not doing this and continuing as you are.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I’m too tired to read everyone else’s response. (Sorry...worked nights last night) I love a certain amount of foreplay...kissing, fondling, etc...love it. I LOVE reaching down and caressing my BF’s penis while we make out....love when he...um...appreciates my breasts...it’s awesome. I love oral for me or oral for him. Having said that...sometimes I just want to get ****ed.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

notmyjamie said:


> Having said that...sometimes I just want to get ****ed.


 yep, that works too.

I think a variety is the sweet-spot.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> From my experience I get too excited and impatient and I just can’t wait to have sex. Foreplay for me is great as long as it’s not too long. And I could tell from my last two partners that I’m ready to move past foreplay sooner than they might be. Or at least I’m the one to be like... ok bang me now. (Not these words of course).
> And to be honest... prolonging intercourse annoys me and starts to feel like torture.


Hmm.. methinks there is an element to sex that is being missed here.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

bobert said:


> I'm not sure there is such a thing as "too wet" for any guy. Us guys would rather see Niagara Falls than the Sahara


Check Reddit. There is always someone who can find a reason to complain.

I have to say that during foreplay I can get quite leaky myself on occasion.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

peterrabbit said:


> Oh my, I'd call that a quickie lol
> 
> Sent from my moto g power using Tapatalk


I think I'd call that a too-quicky!
I hope @Girl_power that you date 30 second Charlie's so that you are NOT tortured!


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Very important. Men might be able to go right into sex but for women our bodies have to be primed and if a man prime us to the point that we are dying with anticipation it make it all the better. Been with my guy for almost 2 years now and he is great with the foreplay. This past weekend I told him the anticipation was too much. I was ready!!!!!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

notmyjamie said:


> I’m too tired to read everyone else’s response. (Sorry...worked nights last night) I love a certain amount of foreokay...kissing, fondling, etc...love it. I LOVE reaching down and caressing my BF’s penis while we make out....love when he...um...appreciates my breasts...it’s awesome. I love oral for me or oral for him. Having said that...sometimes I just want to get ****ed.


Mrs. C would agree with you.

There are times when she doesn't care about orgasms or romance or anything other than getting her field plowed with conviction.😊


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

One of the great attributes of maturity and life experience (aka getting old LOL) is that sexuality becomes more all encompassing and inclusive rather that a linear breakdown of separate “stages” that Masters and Johnson blessed us with 50+ years ago. 

I love PIV but it is no longer the end-all/be-all of sexuality. Some of my most exciting and memorable experiences have not included PIV at all. 

Holding hands can be be a very erotic and sexual experience. Rubbing bodies against each other without penetration can be incredibly arousing. Men typically require some kind of genital stimulation to orgasm but women often have no such requirements or restrictions. Many a young woman experiences her first partnered orgasm making out and dry humping fully dressed (mature ladies can still do it 😉). Women can orgasm kissing or with breast/nipple stimulation or neck/earlobes being nibbled, toes sucked, analingus etc etc. 

Restricting oneself to PIV as the primary sexual modality is missing 98% of the body’s sexual potential. 

So my issue with foreplay is not any of the activities or behaviors, but rather the word and the term itself as it is being presumed to be just a warmup and prelude to a singular main event with all other activities being lesser-than and for some people, something that simply must be endured. I think that is sad. 

I urge you to challenge your beliefs and attitudes towards nonPIV activities and seek a greater appreciation and pleasure that can come from other activities and techniques. 

Am I saying to not enjoy PIV? I am challenging you to broaden your horizons and explore other pleasures and potentials that your body and your sexuality has to offer. 

Don’t make one specific act the center of your sexual universe. Disperse your sexuality throughout your whole body and throughout an entire constellation of pleasurable and erotic activities. 

Don’t think of things as ‘foreplay’ leading to ‘sex.’ Think of everything as erotic and sexual expression and pleasure in and of themselves.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

notmyjamie said:


> I love a certain amount of foreplay...kissing, fondling, etc...love it. I LOVE reaching down and caressing my BF’s penis while we make out....love when he...um...appreciates my breasts...it’s awesome. I love oral for me or oral for him. Having said that...sometimes I just want to get ****ed.


ALL of this!!!

Sometimes I just need to be close to my husband and relish in his soft kisses and caresses. Others I just want him to throw me down and get on with it haha.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> 6 mins lol


😂


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> From my experience I get too excited and impatient and I just can’t wait to have sex. Foreplay for me is great as long as it’s not too long. And I could tell from my last two partners that I’m ready to move past foreplay sooner than they might be. Or at least I’m the one to be like... ok bang me now. (Not these words of course).
> And to be honest... prolonging intercourse annoys me and starts to feel like torture.


But those would be great words in the right moment. 😉


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I used to love foreplay and it always led to PIV... but once my wife was aroused it was in quickly... and not much actual intercourse. She claimed she would get past the O moment... which was frustrating, because I always wanted to have sex for much longer...


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I love foreplay!

Sometimes I need more warming up than others. Sometimes I'm ready to jump on the highway and speed away! LoL!


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## Trustless Marriage (Mar 1, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> Maybe because I waited till marriage to have sex, and always viewed PIV as what I thought the point was, that I have always rushed foreplay. Or I viewed it as a way to get me ready for piv, which I am always ready quickly.
> 
> But what do you think about foreplay? How long do you do it for? Is it just a means to get to PIV? Men do you orgasm faster when the girl does a lot of foreplay on you?
> Women do you prefer a lot of foreplay? Does it have any effect on whether you will achieve an orgasm?
> Also... I always thought foreplay was for women mostly.


Foreplay is what you want to make of it. There is no hard (no pun intended) and fast rule on what this consists of. We generally make time for foreplay and we both are the giver and receiver. Sometimes she will bring me to climax during foreplay. I always bring her to climax as she has a hard time having a orgasm with PIV alone. We may spend an hour or more on foreplay if we do different positions and such. I may go down on her multiply times. For me (a guy) yes foreplay warms me up and I am more likely to cum faster during PIV.

If you have time to burn, it can be wonderful time. Hopefully your partner is someone who doesn't just receive.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

To me sex has three parts: Foreplay, Sex and Aftercare. When combined the whole session can average about one to two hours. 

In my opinion foreplay is like the act of an orchestra tuning up their instruments so that all the moving parts can come together (pun intended) and make harmony. When my wife and I have a moment together, emotionally we are never in the same place. More often than not she needs time to wind down and relax (half an hour). That process usually throws off my mojo as she needs to unload things that have been stressing her during the day. My wife jokes that one day I should be able to develop a fetish for paying medical bills and completing tax forms, because that is what she brings to the table for beginning foreplay. Then after I have kind of lost my mojo, she quickly knows how to help me get it back and I start making my moves on her. Once our mojo is finally in tune then it is on like donky kong. 

...wait a minute! Perhaps all these years my wife has been using a special strategy to help me avoid premature orgasm. She talks finances to get me down to zero and then we begin and she can take her time.

OK, I'm confused now!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> One of the great attributes of maturity and life experience (aka getting old LOL) is that sexuality becomes more all encompassing and inclusive rather that a linear breakdown of separate “stages” that Masters and Johnson blessed us with 50+ years ago.
> 
> I love PIV but it is no longer the end-all/be-all of sexuality. Some of my most exciting and memorable experiences have not included PIV at all.
> 
> ...


This is a great perspective, oldshirt. I think this is what my bf's been trying to communicate to me, but like Girl_Power, I'm too damned impatient . I think my impatience comes from being celibate for so long, so I'm still in "Bang Bang Land". Thank you for sharing!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Yes thanks for the replies. I am going to make a point to relax and enjoy more foreplay and not rush.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Can you tell me specifically what part your missing?


Well, all of it. Let me think back to the last time I had a partner who wanted or even allowed more than 5 minutes of kissing before PIV, back to the early 80's.

Foreplay is when you get to enjoy your partner's body. If there is anything more sensual than undressing a woman slowly, I don't know what it would be. This is how you build tension. A long, sensual massage that near the end veers into something else. Touching different places in different ways, finding out what your mouth is for when you're not stuffing pie into it... Bringing your partner to or near climax while you're not simultaneously trying to avoid it yourself lets you luxuriate in their pleasure all the more. 

The wife likes missionary PIV. That means my hands are not even free during most of the act itself. Reducing sex to a single < 10 minute act with nothing other than penetrative sex makes it, for me, feel perfunctory and unengaged. As if I'm a sex toy, in a way. Which is my sex life for 35 years, and a large part of my dissatisfaction.

Perhaps I am a stereotypical woman born in a man's body - but then, no woman who has ever met me has said that.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ug say foreplay good stuff!!

Ug also say variations in foreplay type and duration also good juju.

Or he would if he could use those larger words 🙄🙂🙂.

Sex good. No sex bad. Says Ug.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Yes thanks for the replies. I am going to make a point to relax and enjoy more foreplay and not rush.


Have your partner bring an explanation of benefits (EOB) from a recent medical procedure into the bedroom. It will help things last longer. You don't want to relax too much as keeping some stress actually keeps things exciting!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> Yes thanks for the replies. I am going to make a point to relax and enjoy more foreplay and not rush.


And most of us have relayed foreplay in a certain way (I think as based on how you asked in the opening post), yet foreplay also extends beyond the ‘bedroom’.

I’m curious what had you asking this thread. Has this been raised somehow with your current beau or something else that had you curious?

I’m kinda excited for you to open up the scope of sexual/sensual/erotic experience.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> And most of us have relayed foreplay in a certain way (I think as based on how you asked in the opening post), yet foreplay also extends beyond the ‘bedroom’.
> 
> I’m curious what had you asking this thread. Has this been raised somehow with your current beau or something else that had you curious?
> 
> I’m kinda excited for you to open up the scope of sexual/sensual/erotic experience.


I second the sentiment. Foreplay for me is what happens before the bedroom. Everything else is sex.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Cletus said:


> Foreplay is when you get to enjoy your partner's body. If there is anything more sensual than undressing a woman slowly, I don't know what it would be. This is how you build tension. A long, sensual massage that near the end veers into something else. Touching different places in different ways, finding out what your mouth is for when you're not stuffing pie into it... Bringing your partner to or near climax while you're not simultaneously trying to avoid it yourself lets you luxuriate in their pleasure all the more.


This is a great description. Taking time to explore and enjoy each other. I want to relish every moment of giving and receiving pleasure. Sensuality is a lost art.



heartsbeating said:


> I’m kinda excited for you to open up the scope of sexual/sensual/erotic experience.


Indeed.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Torninhalf said:


> I second the sentiment. Foreplay for me is what happens before the bedroom. Everything else is sex.


Not to sound so innocent but what is foreplay that can be done before the bedroom? Besides like text messages.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

CN2622 said:


> Not to sound so innocent but what is foreplay that can be done before the bedroom? Besides like text messages.


Any type of teasing or suggestions verbal, physical, or even visual. Ex. Wife tells me she is wearing such and so pair of panties around lunch time; she is already in the mental space to have sex.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Any type of teasing or suggestions verbal, physical, or even visual. Ex. Wife tells me she is wearing such and so pair of panties around lunch time; she is already in the mental space to have sex.


So I should be asking if she is wearing certain things or she would just tell me? My wife has never really been like that should I suggest she reads this post?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

CN2622 said:


> So I should be asking if she is wearing certain things or she would just tell me? My wife has never really been like that should I suggest she reads this post?


I think you need to stop looking for an instruction manual for your wife. There isn’t one, she is a unique person and you’re going to need to figure her out by trial and error. You may never figure her out all the way; I haven’t with mine and I’m guessing I have been married significantly longer than you.

She teased me yesterday, came to bed, I used what I thought was a good line on her and nothing. What is the difference between yesterday and the last 4 days where I got a different result? No idea...


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Thank you. This forum was as of interest to me because my wife is similar to @Girl_power where she never seems to be into foreplay.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

CN2622 said:


> Thank you. This forum was as of interest to me because my wife is similar to @Girl_power where she never seems to be into foreplay.


Maybe you haven't approached it correctly. Spontaneous is usually better.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Cletus said:


> The wife likes missionary PIV. That means my hands are not even free during most of the act itself. Reducing sex to a single < 10 minute act with nothing other than penetrative sex makes it, for me, feel perfunctory and unengaged. As if I'm a sex toy, in a way. Which is my sex life for 35 years, and a large part of my dissatisfaction.


My wife likes missionary PIV as do I, since PIV missionary when done well and with the right fit is one of the easiest ways for her and plenty of other women to reach orgasm.

That said I don't understand why your hands can't be free to use as you please during most of the act itself?

I find it quite easy to use one hand to support myself leaving the other free to grip and grope her tits so I can put a nipple in my mouth. Or otherwise to reach under her and penetrate her anally with a finger or a few fingers at the same time as well. Plus I will often support my weight resting on my elbows thus leaving both hands free to play with her as I like.

Oh and it's also worth mentioning that missionary is great for being able to kiss a woman along her neck up to her ears. Plus it allows one to run their teeth along a woman's neck or bite her as well. Likewise missionary also allows kissing a woman's ears, as well as kissing their lips, using tongues (swapping spit) and holding them in an embrace as well.

That said one has to be a bit more careful, when penetrating a woman anally with a penis from the missionary position (again my wife enjoys that as well). However with some practice it can be perfectly fine to do all of the above as well during anal missionary.

So when missionary is done well, it's wonderfully intimate and very far from boring. Given that, you may have gotten more out of missionary, if only you did it differently.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Personal said:


> My wife likes missionary PIV as do I, since PIV missionary when done well and with the right fit is one of the easiest ways for her and plenty of other women to reach orgasm.
> 
> That said I don't understand why your hands can't be free to use as you please during most of the act itself?


Ok, true enough, I can get one hand free if necessary. 



> I find it quite easy to use one hand to support myself leaving the other free to grip and grope her tits so I can put a nipple in my mouth. Or otherwise to reach under her and penetrate her anally with a finger or a few fingers at the same time as well. Plus I will often support my weight resting on my elbows thus leaving both hands free to play with her as I like.
> 
> Oh and it's also worth mentioning that missionary is great for being able to kiss a woman along her neck up to her ears. Plus it allows one to run their teeth along a woman's neck or bite her as well. Likewise missionary also allows kissing a woman's ears, as well as kissing their lips, using tongues (swapping spit) and holding them in an embrace as well.
> 
> ...


You REALLY haven't been following my story, have you?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> And most of us have relayed foreplay in a certain way (I think as based on how you asked in the opening post), yet foreplay also extends beyond the ‘bedroom’.
> 
> I’m curious what had you asking this thread. Has this been raised somehow with your current beau or something else that had you curious?
> 
> I’m kinda excited for you to open up the scope of sexual/sensual/erotic experience.


Well I’ve only had sex with him 3x so it’s not like there are any patterns or anything yet, we are still figuring each other and getting comfortable with each other. 
I know I’m an over thinker, and I’m not overthinking this so much as I am reflective. So I’ve just realized that the 3x we have had sex I was always the one to make it clear that I’m ready for Intercourse. I actually wonder what would happen if I just go with the flow and see how long he will continue foreplay. 

He is also kind of shy so I’m thinking he might appreciate my assertiveness. 2/3 of the times I’ve asked to go on top. The last time after I Laughed and apologized for “always going on top” and he said don’t apologize I like it. 

I think I’m a little self conscious because I can be pretty assertive in the bedroom. In the moment I am just amped up and full of confidence and I know what I like and I do what feels good to me you know? And afterwords I feel awkward like... ahh sorry I just essentially took advantage of you, or control of you or whatever. It’s like when your watching porn and your all into it and it’s dirty and nasty and you love it and then afterwords you feel bad and disgusting like how could I do that hahaha. It’s similar to that feeling but not as bad. 

When I have sex I almost have an alter ego and I’m a different super assertive person.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CN2622 said:


> Not to sound so innocent but what is foreplay that can be done before the bedroom? Besides like text messages.


Building sexual tension outside the bedroom. It is a very personal thing and is different for everyone. 

A lot of people go on dates to build the sexual tension. Some people have a look they give their partner, or touch. For me.... When my partner gives me this amazing long sensual kiss... ahhh that gets my insides tingly. Sometimes I would ask for a kiss and get a crappy kiss in return and I would be like no, I want a good one lol. And I would get a very nice sensual kiss. Well... I would keep asking until he gets it right hahaha.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife normally defers to me on everything and I have to say I love it when she takes charge in the sack. I tell people what to do all day as part of my profession, sometimes it’s nice to be used and lay back and enjoy.

My absolute favorite is if she’s going to lay back and not try for an orgasm and then part way through she gets irritated and signals for me to bottom so she can handle business.

For foreplay I normally determine everything about it. What happens, how long, etc... and it highly depends on the situation.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Personal said:


> My wife likes missionary PIV as do I, since PIV missionary when done well and with the right fit is one of the easiest ways for her and plenty of other women to reach orgasm.
> 
> That said I don't understand why your hands can't be free to use as you please during most of the act itself?
> 
> ...


I agree I love missionary. I see some of these weird positions, and I’ve tried many and they are so overrated tbh. I don’t think I would enjoy doing the same thing all the time though. There’s probably five positions I like to do often.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Personal said:


> My wife likes missionary PIV as do I, since PIV missionary when done well and with the right fit is one of the easiest ways for her and plenty of other women to reach orgasm.
> 
> That said I don't understand why your hands can't be free to use as you please during most of the act itself?
> 
> ...


I agree I love missionary. I see some of these weird positions, and I’ve tried many and they are so overrated tbh. I don’t think I would enjoy doing the same thing all the time though. There’s probably five positions I like to do often.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I agree I love missionary. I see some of these weird positions, and I’ve tried many and they are so overrated tbh. I don’t think I would enjoy doing the same thing all the time though. There’s probably five positions I like to do often.


Agreed. The classics are the classics for a reason. The main issue I have even with those is I’m over a foot taller than my wife. My flexibility is trash as well which isn’t helping matters.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife normally defers to me on everything and I have to say I love it when she takes charge in the sack. I tell people what to do all day as part of my profession, sometimes it’s nice to be used and lay back and enjoy.
> 
> My absolute favorite is if she’s going to lay back and not try for an orgasm and then part way through she gets irritated and signals for me to bottom so she can handle business.
> 
> For foreplay I normally determine everything about it. What happens, how long, etc... and it highly depends on the situation.


100% this is me. I give the guy like a good 5-7mins then I take control hahahah.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> I agree I love missionary. I see some of these weird positions, and I’ve tried many and they are so overrated tbh. I don’t think I would enjoy doing the same thing all the time though. There’s probably five positions I like to do often.


Thank you for starting this thread and being so open. I always had wondered missing something by sticking with the usual or if there were other women out there who didn’t enjoy foreplay.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CN2622 said:


> Thank you for starting this thread and being so open. I always had wondered missing something by sticking with the usual or if there were other women out there who didn’t enjoy foreplay.


And it’s not that I don’t like it, I just think maybe I’m a little uncomfortable with it to be honest. It has nothing to do from my experience with the guy being bad, I just personally feel self conscious and vulnerable and it’s just not a comfortable feeling and I know this is 100% my issues with myself. 

I hope your wife is as self reflecting as me. Many people are quick to right things they are uncomfortable with off and never question things.


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## 10 minutes (Dec 30, 2020)

Good foreplay makes the actual sex a bit of an anticlimax.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> I think I’m a little self conscious because I can be pretty assertive in the bedroom. In the moment I am just amped up and full of confidence and I know what I like and I do what feels good to me you know? And afterwords I feel awkward like... ahh sorry I just essentially took advantage of you, or control of you or whatever. It’s like when your watching porn and your all into it and it’s dirty and nasty and you love it and then afterwords you feel bad and disgusting like how could I do that hahaha. It’s similar to that feeling but not as bad.
> 
> When I have sex I almost have an alter ego and I’m a different super assertive person.


As Rod Stewart said, "You're every schoolboy's dream."


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> And it’s not that I don’t like it, I just think maybe I’m a little uncomfortable with it to be honest. It has nothing to do from my experience with the guy being bad, I just personally feel self conscious and vulnerable and it’s just not a comfortable feeling and I know this is 100% my issues with myself.
> 
> I hope your wife is as self reflecting as me. Many people are quick to right things they are uncomfortable with off and never question things.


What makes you feel vulnerable?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CN2622 said:


> What makes you feel vulnerable?


Having my body exposed. Having no where to hide. Every one of my movements And facial expressions and sounds being scrutinized.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> Having my body exposed. Having no where to hide. Every one of my movements And facial expressions and sounds being scrutinized.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> Having my body exposed. Having no where to hide. Every one of my movements And facial expressions and sounds being scrutinized.


This is exactly what my wife says. Do you think you overthink?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> Having my body exposed. Having no where to hide. Every one of my movements And facial expressions and sounds being scrutinized.


Unrelated to sex for the moment but is there something in your life where you can lose yourself? For me it’s music. I know that you ski... what about when you’re on the slopes and just in the rhythm of skiing to the point that you’re not that focused on the mechanics anymore (I’ve never skied - not sure if I’ve even spelt that properly), but just offering an example to see if there might be something like this for you somewhere in your life; whereby you just flow in the moment?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CN2622 said:


> This is exactly what my wife says. Do you think you overthink?


No. Because that’s what I do when I’m giving my partner foreplay lol.


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> No. Because that’s what I do when I’m giving my partner foreplay lol.


What?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Having my body exposed. Having no where to hide. Every one of my movements And facial expressions and sounds being scrutinized.


Remember that your partner isn't judging you! He's appreciating and enjoying being with you.

Revel in the moment!!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

GP, I have to second this -- I'm SURE that your partner is not, when he sees you naked and doing foreplay, having ANY other thoughts that "OMG OMG OMG". Those facial expressions and sounds -- yeah THOSE are SUPER sexy for guys. He's not judging -- he's enjoying.....


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Maybe because I waited till marriage to have sex, and always viewed PIV as what I thought the point was, that I have always rushed foreplay. Or I viewed it as a way to get me ready for piv, which I am always ready quickly.
> 
> But what do you think about foreplay? How long do you do it for? Is it just a means to get to PIV? Men do you orgasm faster when the girl does a lot of foreplay on you?
> Women do you prefer a lot of foreplay? Does it have any effect on whether you will achieve an orgasm?
> Also... I always thought foreplay was for women mostly.


Foreplay is a part of a theme as a lot of folks here suggest, it's a part of the expression of intimacy. A lot of people look at it as the run-up to PIV but it doesn't have to be. Great foreplay can be its own end. When my wife and I go down on each other, sometimes it ends with orgasm for both of us and that's the extent of it. It's important to remember that really good foreplay (a lot of times in mature relationships) begins right after you just had sex. How you look at each other, little kindnesses, innuendos, the private jokes you share. Foreplay is expansive and a lot more than just intimate touch and taste. Foreplay can be focused on one person, if my wife has had a tough day or is tired, I'm happy to do the work as they say. The reverse is also true.

To answer your other question yes. If my wife works me up, I tend to cum more quickly. In her case she can have quite a few orgasms with oral or masturbation but she tends to only cum once or twice during penetrative sex. If she's worked up, its the same for her, pretty quick.

Sorry, I'm a bit late to this thread....


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> Unrelated to sex for the moment but is there something in your life where you can lose yourself? For me it’s music. I know that you ski... what about when you’re on the slopes and just in the rhythm of skiing to the point that you’re not that focused on the mechanics anymore (I’ve never skied - not sure if I’ve even spelt that properly), but just offering an example to see if there might be something like this for you somewhere in your life; whereby you just flow in the moment?


When I ski I am constantly aware of my surroundings. 

My answer to your question is when I have sex, it just looks different than what your thinking. There is a certain phase of sex (close to orgasm) that i totally go out of my body and don’t know what’s happening. Not to give TMI but at a point In sex I don’t even know what I’m doing... and I know I can apparently be a little aggressive but I’m unaware of it. I don’t know the sounds I make etc. and my previous sexual partners know exactly when this is happening, and I get embarrassed about it after because I have no idea what I look like, what I’m doing and what I sound like and I always tel them not to tell me because it’s the one time in my life I am totally free from thinking.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CN2622 said:


> What?


When I am doing foreplay on my partner that’s what I do. I really narrow in on all my sense, and I love looking at my partners body and feeling my partners body, and I love looking at their facial expressions as I touch, kiss, lick them. It’s like I get spidey senses.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Remember that your partner isn't judging you! He's appreciating and enjoying being with you.
> 
> Revel in the moment!!


Some do judge though. And I would not handle that well at all. I think it’s scarred me in the past. I will never ever ever take criticism well when it comes to my body, and normal body functions. I really need a man to be 100% obsessed with my body for me to be able to feel THAT comfortable with them.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> GP, I have to second this -- I'm SURE that your partner is not, when he sees you naked and doing foreplay, having ANY other thoughts that "OMG OMG OMG". Those facial expressions and sounds -- yeah THOSE are SUPER sexy for guys. He's not judging -- he's enjoying.....


I disagree. I see men on here all the time post about how they aren’t attracted to their wives for the dumbest reasons... aging, being too soft, being too heavy, not having the correct shape etc. in the moment sure, the man may like it, but once it’s done they think thoughts like... I wish my wife was like this instead of how she is. 

Honestly it hurts me just reading what some men say about women on here.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I was only with one guy who made me feel so comfortable and confident about my body. What I loved about him was he just loved women’s bodies... it didn’t matter if they were small, large, no boobs, huge boobs whatever. I never heard him utter one negative thing about a women appearance or body. And unfortunately I haven’t met anyone since then. 

My last ex boyfriend would say horrible things about his ex girlfriend. Basically about how bad she smelled... and it just made me immediately self conscious and on Guard. 

I am a girls girl. Some men think it makes you feel good when they put down other women, I am not like that at all. If a man says anything negative about ANY women’s appearance or body I am super sensitive to it.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

And with my ex husband... I get I wasn’t the perfect wife. But I’m traumatized because I really tried. Like I really really tried. And I saw that he googled “I’m not attracted to my wife anymore”... even though I lost weight and got in better shape throughout our marriage. And what bothered me the most was... he didn’t even want to try therapy. He was just done. And he told me he was scared that he would cheat on me. I just remember crying my eyes out to his mom and saying I didn’t realize I had to be perfect for him to love me. 
I just became so vulnerable then. Like begging this man to love me. Wanting desperately for this man to love me. It was just so crazy to me, he just threw me away when he was done with me. 
And I don’t know... I experienced a lot of trauma when I allowed myself to be so vulnerable. Because I am really soft inside. People do have the ability to make me feel bad about myself. And I don’t want to get my feelings hurt. And it’s just who I am and who I will always be. I am a huge baby inside.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> Unrelated to sex for the moment but is there something in your life where you can lose yourself? For me it’s music. I know that you ski... what about when you’re on the slopes and just in the rhythm of skiing to the point that you’re not that focused on the mechanics anymore (I’ve never skied - not sure if I’ve even spelt that properly), but just offering an example to see if there might be something like this for you somewhere in your life; whereby you just flow in the moment?


I also lose myself into music as well. I have even masterbated to scores hahaha. 

I would never be able to lose myself for example... when I’m laying naked and someone is touching me. I do lose myself when someone is going down on me and i orgasm... unfortunately for them I get aggressive apparently but I never had any complaints lol.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I see men on here all the time post about how they aren’t attracted to their wives for the dumbest reasons... aging, being too soft, being too heavy, not having the correct shape etc.


Some would even use the word, “squishy”. 

With a shape like my wife has I’m into about size 4-16. However I remember when I first met her I was like “yes please” and today still “yes please”. I am in better shape than then and she is in worse shape and it doesn’t matter to me at all.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Girl_power said:


> I also lose myself into music as well.


Sometimes I lose myself in the music, the moment
I own it, I better never let it go
I only get one shot, do not miss my chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Sometimes I lose myself in the music, the moment
> I own it, I better never let it go
> I only get one shot, do not miss my chance to blow
> This opportunity comes once in a lifetime


Favorite running song ever!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Torninhalf said:


> Favorite running song ever!


I prefer Soldier by him but I’m about to get points for derailing this I fear...


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> I see men on here all the time post about how they aren’t attracted to their wives for the dumbest reasons... aging, being too soft, being too heavy, not having the correct shape etc. in the moment sure, the man may like it, but once it’s done they think thoughts like... I wish my wife was like this instead of how she is.


That's almost always a product of insecurity...


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Torninhalf said:


> Favorite running song ever!


Pink Floyd's Run Like Hell....


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## CN2622 (Mar 22, 2021)

Girl_power said:


> I also lose myself into music as well. I have even masterbated to scores hahaha.
> 
> I would never be able to lose myself for example... when I’m laying naked and someone is touching me. I do lose myself when someone is going down on me and i orgasm... unfortunately for them I get aggressive apparently but I never had any complaints lol.


Do you think music during intimacy is something that can help someone relax and not focus on their body?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

CN2622 said:


> Do you think music during intimacy is something that can help someone relax and not focus on their body?


Yes no doubt!

You already have the LED candles. When I go full “playa” mode I break out the LED candles, put them on color change mode, throw on some slow jams on Spotify and then have flowers delivered.

Cheese bag conversion rate of 100%.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Just don't refer to the candles as "task lighting", sharing for a friend.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CN2622 said:


> Do you think music during intimacy is something that can help someone relax and not focus on their body?


It’s all individual. 

I know your having problems with your wife being comfortable, but it really is something that she should be trying to fix, while you play a supportive role. When someone is insecure and uncomfortable, and their partner is the driving force to try to make them more comfortable.... this can cause the person to be more insecure and uncomfortable. Does that make sense? It’s not your job to fix her. It’s up to her whether she wants to try to fix herself, or even thinks she has a problem, then it’s your job to be supportive and loving.

The only thing a partner can do is just let them know that it’s a big deal for you, and it’s affecting the relationship negatively. And if she cares enough about you and the relationship, she will try to fix herself. It is not ok for her to expect you to do everything and fix everything.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ok I did better this time lol. He definitely took the lead this time and I didn’t end foreplay, he did at a perfect amount of time.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

I find mood setting to be very complicated. It's not a male/female issue it's a low vs high drive issue. The importance we put on ML is a characteristic thing I believe. In my case what touched her and got her going yesterday doesn't work today. So I find myself searching for that next thing to amp her up. Eventually you run out of options. So in I'm changing my perspective on the whole thing. All I can control is what I like. And to be honest that changes depending on the mood I'm in so aligning our stars for the perfect mood is a rare and wonderful thing but I don't expect it to happen often. IMHO

Sent from my moto g power using Tapatalk


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