# OMG Its happening again



## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

3 years ago my wife asked for a seperation then moved a drug dealer into my house and i ended up with custody and kids . She was accused of neglect by the state. I took her back after some aweful times of court battles and nightmare visits . Now she has served me today saying that i had we had sex against her will and all kinds of lies on her affidavit . She has taken all my money again for the third time and now wants all the kids and the house and everything. I have no idea why. We where doing great in my eyes and had some bumps but got through them. You can read my past in the history. Now i have no money and i noticed she keeps talking and texting someone but denies there is someone else. I am stronger now because I became suicidal before I did not want to lose my children . Please help me


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

does anyone have any idea why she would switch this quickly she kissed me goodnight last night . she has obviously planned this but lied until today when i was served. 3 years ago when she lost at court she attemted suidice by swalling 60 wellbutrin and swam out to see about a mile. the fire department had to save her Ive been through hell with this witch


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She lied to set up the situation where she had the upper hand. Clearly you were a fool for taking her back.

YOu need to start protecting yourself.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Time for war. Go get your money back. Surely you have something you can hold over her head? 

She can't just get the house and kids. Get money from family/friends and get an attorney tomorrow.

If this was my wife, I'd be thinking of some horrible and dark things to do to her. If she's a good mother, then I suppose that helps her cause to exist. I feel for you man.


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## delta88 (Mar 9, 2015)

Bcc, 

Come with and join the pack of us going through similar situations. Cut her loose and go enjoy your life. You and I are similar in the fact that we are married the idea of a perfect woman than anything else. Just take off those rose coloured glasses and see her for what she really is.

Then ask yourself why you would put your self-value at such a low level to remain with a spouse with these qualities. Here again we are similar. Don't cut yourself off of new happiness by holding on to past pain my friend.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Surely I was a fool Time and time again I dont know if I want to go on. I wont be able to live without my kids ever. I would rather die at this point . She is an evil person. She filed temporary orders to get me out of the house on the 16th. I dont have anymore rose colored glasses. Maybe I should just end my life . I dont know what kind of ammunition she has but she says the children are at risk in the temporary orders by a bunch of lies. I cannot go on with a new life. This was my life. i wont make it guys


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Im losing my strength now. I cant sleep. I was manipulated behind my back. I will have no place to go and all my money was cash and she hid it and its all gone everything I worked for. Whats the point of staying alive broke and my children gone


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## Gator_doc (May 4, 2015)

Don't do it, don't let her win. Do not give in to the idea to end your life. It is dark as hell right now, but don't give up. Killing yourself will not help your kids. They need you now more than ever. Fight for you life, fight for you kids - do not give up and never give in.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

gator she set me up, orders say im a drunk and I forced her to make love one night but i remember what a good time we had she is lying and perjury . what is she doing to me elegirl i know you remember me , all that i went through. Please help im dying i wont make it , who did I marry who is this person 15 years together and she turns on me out of the blue. 3 days ago she brought me a coffee and was so nice to me and 2 days ago she asked me to come to bed with her while I was watching TV she states now that she was just trying to hide what was coming. Gator. i love my kids so bad. If she wins she wants everything kids , more money and support she has every penny i have i let her stash it in a safe she now has. the set me up. Does it sound like another guy? she says no but her lies just continue and continue anyway if i lose my kids Im a dead man my kids are my life. i


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

bcc said:


> gator she set me up, orders say im a drunk and I forced her to make love one night but i remember what a good time we had she is lying and perjury . what is she doing to me elegirl i know you remember me , all that i went through. Please help im dying i wont make it , who did I marry who is this person 15 years together and she turns on me out of the blue. 3 days ago she brought me a coffee and was so nice to me and 2 days ago she asked me to come to bed with her while I was watching TV she states now that she was just trying to hide what was coming. Gator. i love my kids so bad. If she wins she wants everything kids , more money and support she has every penny i have i let her stash it in a safe she now has. the set me up. Does it sound like another guy? she says no but her lies just continue and continue anyway if i lose my kids Im a dead man my kids are my life. i


Get some help. Real help! Call a counselor or the community mental health in your area. They will have places that you can go free or sliding scale. Do it today. You need a support system. 

Suicide is never the answer. You love your kids. You have every reason to fight for them and live. Did you know that children that have a parent that commits suicide is more likely to do the same when they are an adult. Why? It's a way out and their parent took it. Don't leave the legacy. Show them what it looks like, to get help, get better and move on. 

One day..one hour at a time. What can you do now?


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## mike2do (Dec 4, 2014)

Don't do that to your kids. You say you love them ? By ending your life it shows them you don't care. This to shall pass. 


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

My current G/F's dad committed suicide a week after she turned 21. It did a lot of damage to her and her siblings. So selfish. Don't even think about it. 

Go to war with your STBX and make it your mission to make her life a living hell.

Get a VAR (audio recording device) and get her to admit she lied about the forced sex. Bait her into telling the truth on the audio recording. Then once you have it, tell her you give me all of my $ back and I'll give you the recording. Yeah, it's black male. But you have to fight dirty. Get the $ back and still have her arrested for lying. Of course, deny the black male part... again, get an attorney.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

If you kill yourself your kids will resent you for the rest of their lives. As for me, I would get my revenge by destroying her in the courts, and living a good life without her skanky butt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

with the history of her being neglectful you will still end up with the house and kids. Its your word against her word and she already had her kids taken away once . 

quit stressing and get a lawyer. I'm sure her secret pal is motivating her to do this so he can share whatever they think they can get.

lawyer lawyer lawyer.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

She has no further use for you now that all the money is gone.

You were nothing more than a wallet to her. 

Better to know it now, rather than later.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Guys Im alone tonight for the first time in years that I havent seen my children. She took them to stay with her friend . I love my babys I dont think i can do this anymore. My lawyer told me to not be in the house with her alone so I am staying at work. I miss my babies Please I cant make it I need them. I think Id rather be dead guys Im heading there


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)




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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Mclane your right what is my emergency


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

I'm afraid you're going to go over there and do something stupid. 

I mean, this woman took all your money and your children from you, she basically destroyed your life and you can't take it anymore and you're headed over there. 

This won't end well.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

She is bipolar, moved a drug dealer in my house who i found out had three outstanding warrants, was arrested. She lost custody of children and house after a year i let her come home and she is pulling this crap on me again. This was three years ago


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I just miss my children right now, i love them


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

How many times are you gonna get on this merry go round?

You are responsible for your kids yet by taking her back you put them in jeopardy again.

Read up

http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LE..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=RmixEaRKkh0dj1kiAMiyHjqalOY-


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Well it sounds like the courts are on your side, they basically gave you everything the last time so there's no reason to think they won't do it again despite some very poor decisions on your part. 

Back on the hamster wheel you go, you did it once and got a favorable outcome, let's hope history repeats.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

You guys are so right , what was I ever thinking by taking her back. I guess I just wished I always had that perfect family but fooled myself. I will never take her back now. Ever if I survive this night I will never never take her back. I just want my children, I love my children so much. I need to survive this night


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## sally40 (Aug 7, 2015)

bcc - Prayers to you. I know right now is a very stressful time, but I promise you there are happy times ahead. Most people in your situation would be in a state of shock. Anyone would be shocked and stressed out if their spouse "sprang" this on them -- wanting a divorce out of the blue, filing incriminating and UNTRUE court motions - demanding the kids. I promise you are better off without her. Perhaps she has a disorder, perhaps she is one of those people who only cares about herself.

There is a good chance you will get full custody or perhaps shared custody. Also, in my divorce it did not matter who had the cash *in their possession* -- in my divorce both parties were required to list all assets, and then the lawyers hammered out a settlement agreement that split up our assets. So I don't think she can withdrawl your money and then just keep it. You are in a stressful situation and it is normal that you can't sleep and are upset. Hopefully your good friends are there for you....I agree with the others that you need a lawyer ASAP and to pay for a lawyer, borrow money if you have to.......Also run don't walk to get a counselor -- caring counselors work wonders!!! Sometimes the counselors through a church are very affordable. I am telling you there is light at the end of the tunnel......your kids will see when they are a bit older that you are a loving stable parent who takes the high road. Your kids will appreciate and benefit from that. I highly doubt she will get custody. Keep us posted!!


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Because you are a fool.......... You should of been thinking of your kids before you took that thing back the last time.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

ABHale said:


> Because you are a fool.......... You should of been thinking of your kids before you took that thing back the last time.


You not only jeopardized yourself but your kids for her.

YOU did this. She is what she is. You need to fix yourself as you are the problem here. You have young children who depend on you for their welfare. No one else is there for them and at this time you aren't either.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

ABhale you are so right . She moved a drug dealer in my house with my 3 kids!!!!!! I have 2 college degrees and still fall for the stupidity I guess it does make you stupid thank you She is a thing thats all . 
Marc you are right too, this is my fault for letting this sociopath back in my home


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

So, what is your plan for tomorrow?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Then pull your head out of your back side and be a damn father for them. I don't know how things are with you right now, only you do. Do what ever you need to to protect your kids. Lawyer up and get going. Stop wasting time on here crying over what can't be undone. Start thinking of what you need to do now for the kids. Get the ball moving.

Good luck.


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## chatabox (May 4, 2016)

What made you take her back? Get the evidence on your side. Did you do couples counselling? Anything at all that you can use to prove to the court that you legitimately thought she had changed or was proving herself? Anything to make them think that you didn't make a stupid move in taking her back? You need the court on your side on this one


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Chatabox, ya she go into the hospital and was placed on all kinds of bipolar meds she seemed to be improving and asked to come home.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

On the motion she claims that I had non consentual sex, this scares me and im afraid to go home. Im afraid she would do anything but I dont want to look like I left the house


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Do you have a way of establishing a record of her behavior to protect yourself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

chatabox said:


> What made you take her back?


Codependency.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I have no home, no kids and no money I own a successful business and everything I had saved in cash is gone, she took it Im ready to die i cant do this , i cant be without them do I go home, Im scared of this woman


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Who can help you with your kids?

Call the national suicide hotline now and let someone talk you through this. 

Call an attorney Monday
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Blossom Im scared


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

bcc said:


> I have no home, no kids and no money I own a successful business and everything I had saved in cash is gone, she took it Im ready to die i cant do this , i cant be without them do I go home, Im scared of this woman


You have a successful business so you can make more money and rebuild your lost finances. 

I thought you had custody of the kids, what happened with that?


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I believe this is another major bipolar episode and the kids could be at risk too


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Blossom Im scared


I know you are. Many of us have walked in your shoes in one way or another. You are not alone and CAN get through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> I believe this is another major bipolar episode and the kids could be at risk too


One foot in front of the other.

How long have you owned your business
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Does this sound like normal behavior, she brings me coffee on tuesday and says i love you then serves me on thursday accusing me of "sex without consent" and im suddenly an alcoholic and she feels im a threat to my children and her she says??? im 45 I dont even have a spoeeding ticket --- really


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Ive had my buisness over 6 years now


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

bcc said:


> Does this sound like normal behavior, she brings me coffee on tuesday and says i love you then serves me on thursday accusing me of "sex without consent" and im suddenly an alcoholic and she feels im a threat to my children and her she says??? im 45 I dont even have a spoeeding ticket --- really


Of course it's not normal behavior but why are you so surprised that she'd act abnormally? The woman has serious emotional and psychological conditions!

This isn't about you.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I want you to get the book Unsafe People and Boundaries. Promise me you will do nothing with ending your life until you have read them both. 

When can you get them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Mclane , I dont know im in emotional turmoil now and dont know what to do or say. Do I go back to the house , some say I should get a restraining order on her


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I would.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Did she tell anyone this accusation besides you?


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

bcc said:


> some say I should get a restraining order on her


Excellent idea.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I want you to say this to yourself...

I did not cause her mental illness, I cannot control her mental illness, nor can I cure her mental illness.

Followed up by .... All I have to do today is breathe in and breathe out. 

Just cycle between these two... That is what pulled me out of suicidal thoughts during the worst abuse by my Mom.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

i dont know but its the biggest lie i cannot begin to tell you . My daughter is 11 and she understands how important a healthy marriage is and kissing and loving between parents is so important. She likes that she saw us fall apart before and her boyfriend was a drug dealer and while they were trying to have sex he dragged her down the stairs , yes my daughter. I got full custody and the house to care for children. my wife begged to come home and had no where to go. She was sleeping in her car. she begged to come home and i let her and the judge wanted to know why and i stated she was getting the mental health help and she is good


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

If you dont have a lawyer on call....get one...right away.

Dont worry about the money. You can replace what was taken...she cannot. 

Proper legal advice is required. Stop talking about hirting yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You got a raw deal....move on. It's about your kids right now and always will be. 

Make sure tour decisions are ones you will be proud of, or can at least explain to them....many years from now...when they start asking the inevitable questions.

Be strong. Be stronger than her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

It was a bad call to take her back. Lesson learned, but you dont have to compound that decision with another one now by checking out of life and leaving your kids behind... Alone... With her... to fend for themselves.

Find your fight and get your kids when to opportunity is ripe, legal and never take this woman back again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chatabox (May 4, 2016)

bcc said:


> Chatabox, ya she go into the hospital and was placed on all kinds of bipolar meds she seemed to be improving and asked to come home.




Get evidence of this if you can. I'm not 100% sure how custody laws work where you live. But here if your awarded full custody, that doesn't change just because you take her back. You would still retain the full custody. Seek advice from the same lawyer you used last time - if you can. They will know how the custody was awarded and the conditions around it.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I talked to my babies texting , they said we love you daddy, im dying I love them so much I really have nothing to live for at this point


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

She's not that powerful. Call an attorney tomorrow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Blossom where do i get the book, I am afraid to go to court she is accusing me of aweful things which are lies. What if she wins i dont have money , she took it all. My brother said he would help me. If she wins im finished. I cant live without my babies


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

im really hurting here guys


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Amazon, barnes & Noble, Library

Any of those.

Never concede defeat before you've even fought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I am losing strength


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> I am losing strength


Then focus on only what you do have control over right now and that is breathing in and breathing out. Reach out for local help tomorrow. Take it one step at a time until you have won. Get rid of anything robbing your strength. Expose yourself to those things that give you strength. Your kids are counting on you to survive your own demons.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Ok so I was thinking Her : 1 case of confirmed neglect by DSS
2 moved a felon into home, he pulled my daughter down the stairs she was 8
3 took a bottle of pills in court parking lot then ran into the ocean and swam out 1 mile to die
4 three hospitalization in 1 year
5 continued to see criminal boyfriend
 6 last week came into shop and I asked when I would be home because she couldnt stand "these ****ing kids"


Me : not a speeding ticket
business owner 
2 school degrees
0 criminal record


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

what would the judge be looking for most likely??


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Ok so I was thinking Her : 1 case of confirmed neglect by DSS
> 2 moved a felon into home, he pulled my daughter down the stairs she was 8
> 3 took a bottle of pills in court parking lot then ran into the ocean and swam out 1 mile to die
> 4 three hospitalization in 1 year
> ...



BCC, you are doing an awlful ,lot of complaining and having scattered thoughts but you are not planning. Blossom asked you "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TOMORROW ?????

You didn't answer.

First of all, stop with the suicide bull$hit. Enough of that. Your kids deserve better.

2)"She took all of your $$" Legally she can't do that so go see an attorney first thing in the morning and file a civil charge to get it back. As long as she has $$, you have $$ and the attorneys will do that

3) File a complaint in family court citing her history and asking for custody. 

4) Try to get a restraining order against her.

5) File for immediate divorce.

6) Get a support group

7) You really need counseling to get over your codependency. You never should have taken her back but you did. Now rather than saying "The hell with her, I will win this", you are freaking out and imploding. 

Some of this stuff, you can file today if you get off your a$$ and actually go down to file complaints. You can file an emergency petition and have her hospitalized. You can get a restraining order. You can make emergency calls to attorneys. Some do answer up on weekends. Judges are on call as well.

So I will repeat Blossom's question WTF are you going to do ?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Ok so I was thinking Her : 1 case of confirmed neglect by DSS
> 2 moved a felon into home, he pulled my daughter down the stairs she was 8
> 3 took a bottle of pills in court parking lot then ran into the ocean and swam out 1 mile to die
> 4 three hospitalization in 1 year
> ...


This is exactly the kind of thinking that will move you through to success. Its called standing in the truth. This is your truth drum. When you feel yourself sinking into despair and faultering, resume recounting the truth to yourself and others and continue to walk forward. Slogging your way out of exposure to long term abuse is doing this over and over.., repeating the truth and standing on it UNTIL you are no longer sucked under by the lies of abuse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> what would the judge be looking for most likely??


Her history will be a big part of this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

While you are coaching yourself, reach out to authorities that can help you. I like wmn1's suggestions. Others here are better versed in legal issues, so lean on them in that area. My gifts are in other areas. Leaning on a multitude of talents pays off in spades.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Blossom what I truly am free of is my love for her . The last time i had a broken heart so bad I couldnt function. Today I know that this woman is very dangerous perhaps a sociopath. I know I will never bring her back into my life


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Blossom what I truly am free of is my love for her . The last time i had a broken heart so bad I couldnt function. Today I know that this woman is very dangerous perhaps a sociopath. I know I will never bring her back into my life


No one should keep highly destructive individuals around long term. Create a safe, stable, fun, loving space for you and your kids. Prepare for them to join you. Solicit help where needed. I see now, you have the ability to totally do this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Should I try to communicate with her or let her be at this time?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Should I try to communicate with her or let her be at this time?


Leave her alone. Consult attorneys and authorities first as well as secure a great counselor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Ok I just wrote up a large summary of my life with her of her swings during our marriage. seems like every 3 to 4 years she goes into mania


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Ok I just wrote up a large summary of my life with her of her swings during our marriage. seems like every 3 to 4 years she goes into mania


Smart and I'm sure cathartic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

bcc said:


> what would the judge be looking for most likely??


I don't know what a judge looks for but all of this sounds very damning of her. I can't help but think the judge will look at her and see a basket case.

I would also emphasize that in the past you had custody of the kids and that went well and was a stable, loving environment for the kids.

I think the judge's #1 goal is supposed to be the welfare of the children.

But GET PROOF of everything you can. Get friends to sign affidavits if you can of her behavior that they witnessed first hand. (I'm not a lawyer but I think that sort of thing may be admissible.)

See if you can get a PI or even yourself or a friend to get pictures of proof of her drug use or affair or whatever is going on.

Bottom line - the judge does not know either of you, and probably hears "he said she said" battling spouses every day. I assume any hard evidence you have, like paperwork from her past problems, will be good.

Stay very calm and controlled in front of the judge.

Do not bring up suicide or being depressed with her lawyers or the judge.

And just know, it will take time but once you have scraped this user off of you for the final time, you will get stronger. Your children need you and you can do much better raising them without this toxic person in the picture. That will give your life meaning and some day you will be happy and peaceful and wondering WTH was going on in my head that I was even attracted to that woman?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

She sounds Manic, Bipolar... The swimming out to sea, and sudden changes in behavior... Loving then vicious... It think she is seriously messed up and man...no amount of working on this will ever do any good. Because she is certifiably crazy.... GET OUT. GET THE KIDS AND GET AWAY FROM HER. She is down right dangerous.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Working wife, ive texted my children and then my wife texted me. I told her im talking to very imoportant people and i will talk to her later. I told her I havent . left the house but im taking a quick weekend break . I also said happy mothers day If history repeats she will be begging back within the next 2 months


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

What kind of family and friend support do you have there on the ground?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I have this very unusual lawyer hes the best period. He is so expensive its nuts, 5 g retainer but he doesnt lose. i think he plays golf with the judges


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Actuallly he was up for being a judge but declined !!!


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

i HAVE MY MOTHER, BROTHER , SISTER, AUNTS UNCLES SHE HAS NO FAMILY


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> i HAVE MY MOTHER, BROTHER , SISTER, AUNTS UNCLES SHE HAS NO FAMILY


Roll with all this brother. You got this. There is care for her out there. It does not have to be you. Let professionals handle her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I HAVE BEEN TEXTING MY DAUGHTER TO MAKE SURE SHE IS OK AND SHE INTERCEPTED SAYING STOP ASKING IF THERE IS ANOTHER MAN IN THE HOUSE. tHAT IS MY BIGGEST FEAR. SHE ASKED ME TO TAKE THEM FOR ICE CREAM. i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> I HAVE BEEN TEXTING MY DAUGHTER TO MAKE SURE SHE IS OK AND SHE INTERCEPTED SAYING STOP ASKING IF THERE IS ANOTHER MAN IN THE HOUSE. tHAT IS MY BIGGEST FEAR. SHE ASKED ME TO TAKE THEM FOR ICE CREAM. i DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO


Tell her you are sick. Do not takethe kidstil you have spoken to an atty
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Guys im hurting tonight please help


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Guys im hurting tonight please help


You are going to. Completely normal. What kind of distractions are at your fingertips that are constructive instead of destructive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Are you prepped for your attorney call tomorrow?

Have you called family or friends?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zzzman99 (Oct 23, 2015)

bcc said:


> Guys im hurting tonight please help


Learn. This time. Learn.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

she is acting like she is so confident andf that she said im not holding the kids from you


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Blossom ive callled my sister and m mother and my brother they are all in fear for the kids because of her history


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Blossom ive callled my sister and m mother and my brother they are all in fear for the kids because of her history


Understandable... One step at a time.

Get good rest tonight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

please stay with me


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

bcc said:


> please stay with me


You need to dedicate your life to your children's well being. If you kill yourself you will leave them all alone and wondering why daddy didn't love us enough to fight. Don't take the easy way out. It's tough I know but this storm will pass. If you love those kids then fight through this. They need you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

The only ones who will respond to your pain and thoughts of suicide are those who care for you. Not the ones who do not care or are incapable of caring ie your wife. Yet she is the one causing thoughts of suicide. Your first step is to stop allowing those who do not care determine your self worth. 

Your wife thinks that her drug dealer cares about her. She cares about you the same way he does about her. You see the result of the relationship between the drug dealer and your wife. Your marriage mirrors theirs, step away. At some point you will wear those in your life down and they will not be able to to help you. Break the cycle you are in and move forward. Accept your wife will never be healed with you as you enable her. 

I also doubt strongly your wife problems are just being bipolar. Her behavior screams of CSA. Has this ever been explored? Read some of @Uptown posts. He has a wealth of knowledge to offer. 

As to yourself, have you sought IC or explored co dependency? 

Be well, put aside thoughts of suicide.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> please stay with me


bbc, this will be why you need many resources to tap into. I cannot alway be available. Lean on many, so that the work is light for all including on yourself.

Rest is critical for me because of my health.

Today is attorney day 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

john , do mean child sexual abuse??


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Yes, thats what CSA stands for
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Yes it does. I am not saying she is, I m suggesting there is more driving her than just Bipolar. The bottom line is if she is not on her meds and in IC, you need to step back and stay back. If you want to sacrifice your life on chasing wind mills, fine but not your children. 3 years ago she brought a drug dealer with warrants on him into their home and he abused them. 

You speak of your children, but what will you say when they ask why didn't you protect us?


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/155305-weeds-codependence.html

These weeds are even thicker when you jump back into it with the SAME person.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Whats rolling bcc?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Ok guys lots of changes, I have an attorney, hes good. I went back to the house and am living here as we speak. we are acting like a normal family but I convinced her to drop that rediculous motion for full everything because of "non consentual sex and a danger to my kids which was a total lie, total perjury. She saw her attorney today as we drafted an agreement. Shes acting like im the husband and I dont know why. Our divorce date is coming soon which she lied about too. She files a year ago and never cancelled it like she told me. I am a good man. I work alot but thats all. However she is acting very odd. Almost like she regrets it in a way. The more positive I am the more she acts scared. She is dull and depressed as I can see. I know it is time to move on from this woman and all my friends and relatives are saying its about time!!!!!!! I have risen above the depth . My question is what is going on with her?? She has been asking me to help her with the yard and going out to eat together??? What the hell is this guys ??


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

bcc said:


> Ok guys lots of changes, However she is acting very odd. Almost like she regrets it in a way. The more positive I am the more she acts scared. She is dull and depressed as I can see.


I've said it once and I'll say it again....chicks dig confident guys!:smile2:

Now that you have raised your attraction level she is second guessing her choices.

You sir...have made her think twice in what she is about to lose.

Well done!

I'm sure your new old lady (once you pick her) will find this confidence very hot.>


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## Palodyne (Mar 3, 2016)

bcc said:


> The more positive I am the more she acts scared. She is dull and depressed as I can see. I know it is time to move on from this woman and all my friends and relatives are saying its about time!!!!!!! I have risen above the depth . My question is what is going on with her?? She has been asking me to help her with the yard and going out to eat together??? What the hell is this guys ??


 The first thing you need to do is stop caring about what she say's, thinks, or does. That's how she has continually pulled you back into her control, it's called manipulation! Don't think for one second she actually cares about you or your feelings. She is maneuvering for the best possible outcome for herself. 

So instead of coming right up the middle, she is flanking you. She drops the charges, she follows your lead, acts depressed and defeated. She asks you for help, and plays family with dinners, in an attempt to lull you into a false sense of security again. She is betting you will feel sorry for her, beginning to wonder if your being to hard on her. So you begin to soften and make concessions and she gets a killer deal in the divorce at your expense and walks away with a smile.

What you need to be doing is document everything she does, do not help her, do not talk to her unless it's about the kids or the divorce. Do not feel sorry for her, do not go out to dinner with her. She is not your wife or friend, at this time she is your enemy. And she knows you can catch more fly's with honey then vinegar. Which is most likely why she dropped the charges. Don't fall for it. Stop asking why she is doing this or saying that. Instead start thinking of how good life will be when she is gone and you can move on free from her infidelity.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

This is so true. My true feelings are of pure disgust. This woman has put me through hell and back over and over. She is sick in the mind as her history is clear. Initially I was was once again devastated but my attorney told me to wake up and protect myself. Whether her motives are from her bad childhood or pure sociopathy I dont know but I cant believe her gall to be acting like this. nI am home to prevent another drug dealer from moving in and to keep my children safe nut I need a plan


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bcc said:


> However she is acting very odd. Almost like she regrets it in a way. The more positive I am the more she acts scared. She is dull and depressed as I can see. I know it is time to move on from this woman and all my friends and relatives are saying its about time!!!!!!! I have risen above the depth . My question is what is going on with her?? She has been asking me to help her with the yard and going out to eat together??? What the hell is this guys ??


She has done this before.. acted like all was good... all the while setting things up for the divorce and for her to have an advantage.

At this point you cannot trust her. Stick to the 180 and protect yourself.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

No matter how sweet, never trust her. Keep you and the kids safe from here forward. Some of the worst psychological abuse is done under the guise of sweetness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Hey, while you are waiting for this transition to finish, pat yourself on the back for choosing to value yourself enough and your kids enough to see that yall are worth protecting. That is a huge step in your recovery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Oh boy  shes acting like we are married even the divorce date is coming. Shes also began drinking more. I was sitting on the couch watching TV and she began to ask for sex.????? wtf we ended up indulging and she had a good time. This is the same woman that had a motion against me 2 weeks ago for "non consensual sex and im an alcoholic and a threat to kids " Im the best father. What the hell is wrong with this woman. Can someone be so dam erratic??? 
PS im keeping my money hidden away from her


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I would not be having sex with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Blossom , i wont. i guess im still trying to hold on a little. let me ask you should I go after this divorce aggressively and pull up all her old records of neglect and suicide or would u do it amicably???


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

bcc said:


> Blossom , i wont. i guess im still trying to hold on a little. let me ask you should I go after this divorce aggressively and pull up all her old records of neglect and suicide or would u do it amicably???


bcc, you asked Blossom, but if you don't mind, I'll throw in my two cents, for what it is worth. I would do it quietly, but methodically and with determination. Pull those records and provide them to your attorney. You and the lawyer may not NEED them, and you don't have to use them. Never show your hand. Don't have conversations with her about it. You have a lawyer, she has a lawyer. I would advise against escalating the tensions and the inevitable frustration that a divorce inevitably entails. Talk to your IC or keep a journal or come here and vent or vent to a good friend, but keep steady and stay calm. The 180 applies to the divorce as much as it does anything else. 

Divorce is painful and hard, but it doesn't have to be the stereotypical War of the Roses. Nor do you have to be a doormat. Be strategic and let your lawyer lead the way, and let your lawyer be the bad guy, if it becomes necessary, in the sense that there's some hard negotiation to be done, or some pushback in the event of unrealistic demands on her part. My attorney was masterful, and it didn't hurt that she knew ex's lawyer and they had worked on divorces together in the past. 

As I read somewhere, the end of a relationship is a mine-field, but divorce is business. You need your lawyer to protect your financial interests, but a lawyer can also protect your emotional interests by doing the heavy lifting. Provide what information you think might be pertinent and potentially useful to your lawyer, but let him/her engage the opposing counsel. 

You can do this.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

bcc said:


> Ok guys lots of changes, I have an attorney, hes good. I went back to the house and am living here as we speak. we are acting like a normal family but I convinced her to drop that rediculous motion for full everything because of "non consentual sex and a danger to my kids which was a total lie, total perjury. She saw her attorney today as we drafted an agreement. Shes acting like im the husband and I dont know why. Our divorce date is coming soon which she lied about too. She files a year ago and never cancelled it like she told me. I am a good man. I work alot but thats all. However she is acting very odd. Almost like she regrets it in a way. The more positive I am the more she acts scared. She is dull and depressed as I can see. I know it is time to move on from this woman and all my friends and relatives are saying its about time!!!!!!! I have risen above the depth . My question is what is going on with her?? She has been asking me to help her with the yard and going out to eat together??? What the hell is this guys ??


What this is in part is the bipolar. My ex would do this. He would treat me like chit, come home, he's so sorry, he doesn't understand why he does what he does, we act normal and play house, and then the mania washes over and he's gone again. In the beginning he was aware he was hurting me but by the end, when OW threatened to cut him off and never see him again and stop letting him bounce back and forth, and gave him an ultimatum, he couldn't wait to throw me under a bus. 

I had work and school to structure my day and give me something to do to distract me and keep me busy and occupied, so you may need to find a way to use work or family or friends as an anchor to keep normalcy and stability in your life in any way you can find. 

But know that when she's being nice and bringing you coffee or wanting to go out and eat or playing happy families, that's not real. She wants it to be, but until she gets help she can't be authentic and real about anything. The problem is, the damage she does, the meanness, the nastiness, the accusations - those are her ways of trying to gain control of the situation but all she does is hurt YOU and your kids. 

Take control here and step back and keep doing the 180 and keep the end of this insane journey, with the achievement of the divorce as a starting point, in sight.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

TeddieG said:


> bcc, you asked Blossom, but if you don't mind, I'll throw in my two cents, for what it is worth. I would do it quietly, but methodically and with determination. Pull those records and provide them to your attorney. You and the lawyer may not NEED them, and you don't have to use them. Never show your hand. Don't have conversations with her about it. You have a lawyer, she has a lawyer. I would advise against escalating the tensions and the inevitable frustration that a divorce inevitably entails. Talk to your IC or keep a journal or come here and vent or vent to a good friend, but keep steady and stay calm. The 180 applies to the divorce as much as it does anything else.
> 
> Divorce is painful and hard, but it doesn't have to be the stereotypical War of the Roses. Nor do you have to be a doormat. Be strategic and let your lawyer lead the way, and let your lawyer be the bad guy, if it becomes necessary, in the sense that there's some hard negotiation to be done, or some pushback in the event of unrealistic demands on her part. My attorney was masterful, and it didn't hurt that she knew ex's lawyer and they had worked on divorces together in the past.
> 
> ...


100% Concur
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

TeddieG said:


> What this is in part is the bipolar. My ex would do this. He would treat me like chit, come home, he's so sorry, he doesn't understand why he does what he does, we act normal and play house, and then the mania washes over and he's gone again. In the beginning he was aware he was hurting me but by the end, when OW threatened to cut him off and never see him again and stop letting him bounce back and forth, and gave him an ultimatum, he couldn't wait to throw me under a bus.
> 
> I had work and school to structure my day and give me something to do to distract me and keep me busy and occupied, so you may need to find a way to use work or family or friends as an anchor to keep normalcy and stability in your life in any way you can find.
> 
> ...


Agree. There is also a cycle of abuse. Remember, in your situation, the niceness is a tool of control. So, remain detached.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Yup I was thinking today that I really am done. I almost have no feeling anymore but there is something small that is hanging me on and Im not sure what it is..... could it simply be codependency


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Yup I was thinking today that I really am done. I almost have no feeling anymore but there is something small that is hanging me on and Im not sure what it is..... could it simply be codependency


And a bit of stockholm syndrome common in abuse survivors.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Thi weekend was aweful, she fired the babysitter who was telling me thing, and became enraged with me. She told me to leave but I would not. My poor kids were so upset, all i did was try to talk with her. She said we will let the courts decide. I asked her if she was taking her medicastion and she said yes , however when I looked they were not there. Last night, the script was refilled so she had gone at least a week without her meds. I am so hurt, now she is belittling me and thinks she is going to get everything from the court and im scared. I emailed my attorney to let him know


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Thi weekend was aweful, she fired the babysitter who was telling me thing, and became enraged with me. She told me to leave but I would not. My poor kids were so upset, all i did was try to talk with her. She said we will let the courts decide. I asked her if she was taking her medicastion and she said yes , however when I looked they were not there. Last night, the script was refilled so she had gone at least a week without her meds. I am so hurt, now she is belittling me and thinks she is going to get everything from the court and im scared. I emailed my attorney to let him know


Stay connected to all of those who can speak truth into your life to combat her lies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Blossom , Im just scared because she is acting so confident like everything is hers, and its intimidating me. I told her that her history is gonna come up in court and she flipped out, but I was being very nice and trying to work out a mediation with her. Im actually scared to go home .


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

bcc said:


> Blossom , Im just scared because she is acting so confident like everything is hers, and its intimidating me. I told her that her history is gonna come up in court and she flipped out, but I was being very nice and trying to work out a mediation with her. Im actually scared to go home .


I know. I totally get that. Go home and inside your head block out her words as if they are babble and repeat to yourself she is not an attorney and is not a professional at the law. There is also a website for Dad's divorcing that some of the guys around here would know the name of it. 
@honcho @Nucking Futs @UMP

Do you guys know the name of that website?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Blossom Leigh said:


> I know. I totally get that. Go home and inside your head block out her words as if they are babble and repeat to yourself she is not an attorney and is not a professional at the law. There is also *a website for Dad's divorcing* that some of the guys around here would know the name of it.
> 
> @honcho
> @Nucking Futs
> ...



Dadsdivorce.com


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Thanks NF.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Goodness... You are so afraid. Hasn't your attorney put your mind at rest at ALL? Seriously SHE should be the one afraid. The charges were dropped against you right? You need to DOCUMENT, VAR, and you need to COVER your ass. Maybe install a surveillance camera in your bedroom or something. You need to cover your fanny NOW. 

Yes Codependent to a fault. She abused you for YEARS. Not surprising... you need out of her life.... 

Your poor kids.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Threelittlestars, yes they were never even charges, it was a motion to get me out of the home. No cops, no charges, nothing!!!! And then she cancelled it. Talk about a jsoke and it was a total lie. Ive been abused by this women for years, your right. I asked her on sunday why she hated me so bad and she said and I quote " your narsassitic , the way i walk and my facial expressions " are you kidding me???? thats why??? My nieghbor found her banging my employee on the desk after she ruined my business, then she lets a criminal in my home who hurts my baby girl and then takes a bottle of pills in the court parking lot and drives to the ocean, swims out a mile to drown, she would be dead if it wasnt for a guy working who saw it and saved her a** cops everywhere firetrucks u name it, then she was living in her car for a week after her friend lost her home. She continued to see this piece of crap, no job, no car, no nothing. 4 restaining orders and 3 warrants for arrest. She begged and begged to come home and I finally took her and here I am paying the price


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

They say you cant talk bad to the children about their mother and I have not but if they knew what a piece of s*** she was I think my 5 year old would flip.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

bcc said:


> Threelittlestars, yes they were never even charges, it was a motion to get me out of the home. No cops, no charges, nothing!!!! And then she cancelled it. Talk about a jsoke and it was a total lie. Ive been abused by this women for years, your right. I asked her on sunday why she hated me so bad and she said and I quote " your narsassitic , the way i walk and my facial expressions " are you kidding me???? thats why??? My nieghbor found her banging my employee on the desk after she ruined my business, then she lets a criminal in my home who hurts my baby girl and then takes a bottle of pills in the court parking lot and drives to the ocean, swims out a mile to drown, she would be dead if it wasnt for a guy working who saw it and saved her a** cops everywhere firetrucks u name it, then she was living in her car for a week after her friend lost her home. She continued to see this piece of crap, no job, no car, no nothing. 4 restaining orders and 3 warrants for arrest. She begged and begged to come home and I finally took her and here I am paying the price


At this point, why are you still asking her those questions?

It just opens the door to the House of Pain.

Are you expecting a logical honest answer? Are you expecting to "get through" to her?

Are you expecting to convince her of something?

Please be honest in your response.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Returntozero, I guess I still love her as the mother of my children, do you think Im still trying to hang on???


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

bcc said:


> Returntozero, I guess I still love her as the mother of my children, do you think Im still trying to hang on???


Yep...you would take her back in a heart beat if you really felt and believed she changed. That makes you terribly vulnerable to manipulation by her again. Any chance you are a cancer? They sure get hung up on the mother of their kids.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

threelittlestars, Oh my God , Yes I am a cancer. I cannot believe you pegged me so accurate I dont belive this. Please guide me , tonight Im feeling particularly vulnernable and anxious , I need strength


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

I don't know, i have a nose for cancers, My husband is one. 

Cancers are calm, but the waters run deep. I get how emotional you feel. You need to get strong tho. You have it in you. After all the crap your wife has put you through you can survive untangling yourself from her. Yes it will be painful, but you got to get over your co dependency and hopes for her to come back. Those need to be buried. 

If you need me you can pm me. but i will keep reading along here in the thread and help where i can.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

bcc said:


> Returntozero, I guess I still love her as the mother of my children, do you think Im still trying to hang on???


What you're doing is placing extraordinarily low value on yourself and your feelings. It's the psychological equivalent of putting a "Kick Me" sign on your rear end and bending over.

How is that helpful?


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Yes, im coming home after working all day and we dont even look at each other. No talking. Its nuts, Its really hard to live here. I will not leave because I cannot trust her with other men around my children. The court is at the end of the month so I have a while, im gathering all the police reports on my wife and then I will get the court reports. Im scared I wont Lie. What if she buries me somehow at court. She is fixing the house up like crazy, doing the yard, lawn, and I wonder why, we are upside down 80 thousand. I think she thinks she is getting everything.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Ignore her beliefs. Delusion exists.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chatabox (May 4, 2016)

She's doing it to stress you out. She wants you to be nervous that she's going to get everything so you fumble on the big day, and then she really does get everything. 

Ignore her. Document everything else you do around the house. Write down everything, and note all bills that you pay. This could be an attempt for her to say "I do all the housework, I pay all the bills, I do all the renovations myself... The house should be mine." 

Don't let her get to you. She wants to see you suffer. Ignore her, document everything, get all those old reports and remind the courts what happened last time. Don't forget to get documentation of why you took her back. Drs reports ect that she sought mental help and she was taking her medication. Otherwise the courts will think your a pushover and will keep taking her back every few years.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

well here I am its 12 oclock and im listening to to Niel diamond, solitary man a girl who wont play games behind me, is this possible, Im so depressed. Im showing her no weakness at all, she looks unhappy. Its time to get my divorce soon. Im sickened when I think what she did behind my back. Sex , stealing, lies, lies ,lies Im glad I didnt catch any diseases from this sicko. My 9 year old baby is next to me sleeping so sweet, what did I do to deserve this. Ive been so used for so long. I cant believe she was having sex with my employees, 18 years old little kid, she was 33 and laughing in the background when my nieghbor caught her on my desk 9 years ago. Then the money, then the bankruptcys, then the drug drug dealer in my home watching my babys , what the hell. The money she stole from her family. I cant describe to you guys. Ive been used for 15 years. Why, will I ever be happy, I took this thing back into my home 3 years ago. why I know this is it , divorce is necessary when your married to a bipolar freak, and I know this. the pain she has put me through is unspeakable, read my archive three years ago. Guys what did we do wrong???


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Last nightsounds like a grieving moment. Normal healthy. Today, get your babies up, out and have fun ALL day long 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

bcc said:


> we went to friendlys the other night and she said to me how good I looked and thats one of the reasons she went with me and the kids. I said " whatever helps you sleep at night" i loved that moment, hahaha


You have no business going anywhere with her. Next time go with the children only. Doing the "family" thing when there really IS no family is counterproductive in too many ways to list. 

You also have no business believing in the junk pseudoscience that is known as Astrology. But I digress.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

bcc said:


> we went to friendlys the other night and she said to me how good I looked and thats one of the reasons she went with me and the kids. I said " whatever helps you sleep at night" i loved that moment, hahaha


Why are you talking to and going places with her? She is not your friend, she is the woman trying to take your kids, home and money from you. You are a large part of the problem between you two, the only communication you should have should be through text and about the children, everything else should be done through the lawyers.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Lilac23 said:


> Why are you talking to and going places with her?


Because despite all the terrible enormous damage being done to him and his children, he just cannot let go.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Mclane said:


> Because despite all the terrible enormous damage being done to him and his children, he just cannot let go.


Tough.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

How do I let go?. how do I do it ?. 15 years all thrown away. I let it happen. Now I sit here in tears as the family I worked so hard to keep together is once again torn. I still question why she hates me so bad too suddenly? We walk by each other without a word. There has been no communication since tuesday. Im terrified of my court date and my anxiety is off the chart.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

It takes time to go through the emotional part, but until that happens at least start making the right decisions. You've made, some now make more. 

Each one gets you closer to your goal.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I dont know if I have the strength anymore. The tension in this house has been beating me down but I will not leave yet for the kids


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

bcc said:


> How do I let go?. how do I do it ?. 15 years all thrown away. I let it happen. Now I sit here in tears as the family I worked so hard to keep together is once again torn. I still question why she hates me so bad too suddenly? We walk by each other without a word. There has been no communication since tuesday. Im terrified of my court date and my anxiety is off the chart.


Hard stop.

15 years?

In two words - so what?

There's only one direction to move, and that's forward.

If you've learned enough to not repeat those mistakes, you've grown.

Congratulations

Wallowing in one's troubles never solved a thing.

The only thing less productive is speculating on her motives.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Keep in the game man. Go take your nine year old for a walk to a water park, pond, river, beach. Water can renew your spirit and energy to fight your ex. Like i said earlier, you are still weak for her manipulation. Harden yourself to her. She WILL try again. BUT she will also abuse you again. and again, and again. It is your choice to let her. DONT. 

Go re new yourself and get ready to fight.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

A few more words about wallowing in it.

Of course, some reflection is therapeutic. Where did it go wrong? What "really" happened? What was my role in it?

Emotionally, we need closure to emotional trauma. But, continued wallowing merely PREVENTS closure. We had a guy here who simply "could not" (read: WOULD NOT) let go of his emotions connected to his ex. And, she had given him one of the biggest kiss-offs you've ever seen. Oh yes, he was a "great Dad" and the uber beta male. She called all the shots and would periodically travel to "The Lake"

She never said which lake. She also said it was with "friends"

From his reaction, you would have thought he was her dog and not her husband. Wandering around town, musing on the place they got married.... all the stuff they said to each other.

Nauseating

Nothing we could do or say would shake the guy out of it. 2 years later, he's still on this board bragging about being celibate. Yeah, no joke.

Why was it so counterproductive?

Not only was his wallowing focused exclusively on her and "how could she" - what it betrayed was his infantile level of self-worth. If she rejected him... and she was his "world"... well, then he couldn't really be worth anything. So, all these places and spaces where they did this and that had all this "meaning"

Codswallop

Your life was given to you as a gift. Your life is asking YOU what meaning YOU will give to it - not someone else.

Give up the quest of plumbing the depths of someone else's motives for "how could they"... "didn't it mean as much to them"

Well... clearly, it didn't. And, if you think about it, it didn't mean that much to you either. It doesn't mean your life is a waste. What it means is that you didn't love yourself sufficiently to see it coming.

So, get about learning how to do that.


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Yes it is time for total alpha male


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

bcc said:


> Yes it is time for total alpha male


Yes, it's time to stand up. Look forward. Live YOUR life.


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