# New here...and so confused



## There is Light (Jun 14, 2012)

Married 6 1/2 years and together for 9. I have a son from a previous relationship and we have a daughter together. He is a police officer. He worked straight midnights for 4 years and it was absolute hell. We lost 90% of intimacy...not to mention family time b/c when I was off on the weekends with kids he was sleeping from working the night before. He RARELY did things with us. That is an issue in it of itself.
The main reason I am here on TAM is because I have finally had my limit. He has been caught sending inappropriate messages to old flings (from 10 years before we were together) on Facebook...to receiving 3am phone calls/texts...hiding girls names under a guy's name..."hanging out" with girls when out of town for work who have later contacted him through Facebook once he got home. Now...he has only sent these messages or responded when he's been drinking (that I know of)...at least I know he was drinking when I saw them. The last one is the one that really sent me over the edge. He was at a meeting for work...all the guys had drinks...he says he'll be home around 10:30...he walks in at 3:05am and passes out on the couch. His phone goes off and its from an unsaved number saying "I'm going to bed now hope you got home safe"
????????????? I'm just so sick of this happening! We've had a real hard time through the midnights (which he is no longer on) and now with all of these girls...it's never consistent back and forth with one girl (that i can find)...but he's no dummy in his line of work...i'm sure he deletes stuff. I don't know what to do. 2 weeks ago I was ready for him to walk out the damn door...but he just keeps begging and pleading for me to let him show me he won't hurt me again. I'm a strong woman...but i'm not going to continuously be played a fool. I don't know how to get to that place to allow myself to trust him...or if history is proof that it will happen again. He's made it clear that he will not give up and that if I want this, I'm going to have to be a complete "b" to him for him to back off. Any advice? I've been reading stories here for months and although I have no "real proof" anything has happened...I have a gut feeling something has. Thank you for taking the time....


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## alley2408 (Jun 19, 2012)

I am going through a similar situation right now & I know exactly how you feel, my dh has been texting his old flames ect. over 2 years, we have been married for 2.5 and its a constant fight in our home, like you idk if anything has happened but to me talking to them is enough to make my blood boil. I have heard the same I won't do it anymore lines, only to find that he was just trying to be sneakier at doing it. I have been the biggest b to him about it, I have cried, pleaded & begged & so far nothing has worked. I hope that your situation gets better, but as far as advice I am still trying to figure it out myself, but always plan for the worst and hope for the best, especially for your babies. Your not alone! Hang in there!


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## There is Light (Jun 14, 2012)

I used to cry...and freak out about it...but I stopped. I'm just numb to it anymore. I feel like if I had solid proof that he's cheated he'd be gone in 2.2 seconds...but all I have are signs of "possible" infidelity...no PROOF...
He's out of town for work until the weekend and I am monitoring his ingoing and outgoing calls online. He doesn't even know that I have an account set up, so we'll see. If he's drinking down there...I just know he'll eff up somehow...and it's the FINAL straw...especially after he's been BEGGING me for weeks to let him show me that he can trust me. We shall see...it's almost like I want him to mess up again...i've been 2 feet out the door for almost 6 months now...I'm sick of living in limbo.
I'm so sorry you are going through this crap too. It's disrespectful and just ridiculous.


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