# Intimacy and Hygiene



## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

Hello…

I started a topic a few weeks ago and appreciated the feedback. I’ve been reading the site and gaining some valuable perspective on things. I have another questions that I could use some help with.

Intimacy…

While my sex life with my wife isn’t bad, it’s not great either...I'm working on that. I can see that she responds well when I take charge. The issue is that she could care less about hygiene before intimacy. I’ve expressed my feeling that I would like her to take a shower at the end of the day…or a bath…before we are intimate. She fights against it for some reason. I’ve calmly stated that it’s not attractive when she’s not clean. Summer time is obviously worse…but I wouldn’t think of climbing into bed without cleaning myself up thoroughly. She enjoys foot rubs, back/butt rubs and I enjoy providing, but it's not at all attractive if she's not clean...I'd be a willing provider more often if hygiene were better.

The other evening, she changed into her workout clothes and took the dog for a long walk…which is awesome. When she returned she was hot and sweaty, I started flirting and being suggestive throughout the evening. She was responsive. I told her that I’d put the kids to bed if she’d hop in the shower and I’d meet her in bed. I was met with…”I HATE showering at night…I like showering in the morning”… “what’s the big deal”. I explained that clean is attractive…unclean is unattractive.

On another evening, we were in bed and she was playing words with friends on her ipad… I was going to initiate, but I knew she had been running around all day and it seemed out of place for me to start the initiation by saying go get cleaned up and we can get busy…maybe I’m just chicken…I don’t know. So I went downstairs to read with no mention on intimacy. She came down a few minutes later and asked if “I” wanted to fool around. I told her I wanted to start things up but how do I go about asking you to take a shower without coming across as bossy? She said “FINE, I’ll take a shower… Geez”.

So how would you handle this? A nightly shower is part of my routine every night. I like to go to bed clean whether intimacy is on the docket or not. On the days when I get up extremely early, I think showering at night is more efficient. I can roll out of bed and get ready and go to work at 5am without waking her up.

One thought I had was to bring up a bath or shower during the evening hours to prep her for what’s to come…I don’t know… I want to feel good when approaching her for sex..not worrying about hygiene.

Am I a clean freak or is that reasonable?

Orion


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

it could be that she just wants straight intercourse without anything else, which being unclean would obviously deter oral, etc..


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## HelloooNurse (Apr 12, 2010)

Some people are night showerers, some are morning showerers. Sounds like your wife is the latter. Maybe you should initiate sex in the morning when she is fresh, instead of waiting until the evening when you know she will be not as fresh, so to speak.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Just curious, do you also shower after hot/sweaty sex? I'm not trying to poke fun at all, I'm genuinely curious. The reason I ask is if showering in the morning wakes your wife up (as it does me) then she needs to do this. Then you want her to shower before sex, then she gets messy and should shower after sex (since you say one should be clean before climbing in to bed). That many showers a day can be very drying to the skin. 

Maybe the best thing to do would be what my husband's grandma calls a PTA (pu$$y/pits, t!ts and a$$). Cleans the offensive parts without a full-blown shower. I may be way off base, and if so, my apologies. I do understand not wanting to "get busy" with a stinky spouse!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Is there any reason why you can't make cleaning her part of the foreplay? Go in the shower or bath with her. Or get some baby wipes, undress her, and sensuously wipe her down before bedtime.

Think of creative ways to do this - because she may feel like you are being dictatorial about something that is trivial to her.

Yah, ideally, a spouse should just want to do things that make your partner happy - even something as simple as taking a quick shower before bed. But she hasn't had than enlightenment yet.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't see the big deal with taking a quick shower before intimacy.

If my husband requested that, I would oblige.

However, we like dirty sex lolll...I do love his smell and he loves mine. Weird? Maybe a little too primal.


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## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

HelloooNurse said:


> Some people are night showerers, some are morning showerers. Sounds like your wife is the latter. Maybe you should initiate sex in the morning when she is fresh, instead of waiting until the evening when you know she will be not as fresh, so to speak.


I'm up and out of the house heading to work before she's up 95% of the time... and even on the weekends she wants sex first and shower second.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> there was actually a study on that...i wish i remembered where i read it. anyway, it stated that for women, a man's natural scent is the best way to get her in the mood or turned on. I know the article was more articulate than that but that's the gist of it.
> 
> i think my H smelled the best when he had worked all day...he'd be a mixture of his natural scent,cologne he had put on that morning, and his deoderant.


Yes, I agree. He has a good smell when he's dirty loll..

He also likes my smell. Sometimes he'll tell me NOT to wash beforehand...like in the mornings.


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## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

HappyWife40 said:


> Just curious, do you also shower after hot/sweaty sex? I'm not trying to poke fun at all, I'm genuinely curious. The reason I ask is if showering in the morning wakes your wife up (as it does me) then she needs to do this. Then you want her to shower before sex, then she gets messy and should shower after sex (since you say one should be clean before climbing in to bed). That many showers a day can be very drying to the skin.
> 
> Maybe the best thing to do would be what my husband's grandma calls a PTA (pu$$y/pits, t!ts and a$$). Cleans the offensive parts without a full-blown shower. I may be way off base, and if so, my apologies. I do understand not wanting to "get busy" with a stinky spouse!


yes, I usually shower after hot sweaty sex. And I'm aware of the PTA...but when she's been sweaty all over...it's not attractive. She doesn't have BO by any means...just the fact that you know it's less than clean is a turn off.


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## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I don't see the big deal with taking a quick shower before intimacy.
> 
> If my husband requested that, I would oblige.
> 
> However, we like dirty sex lolll...I do love his smell and he loves mine. Weird? Maybe a little too primal.


And we do have our quickies where you take each other as they come...I've got no problem with that. But for extended foreplay where we're hopefully kissing a lot of each others skin, that's not my cup of tea.


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## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Is there any reason why you can't make cleaning her part of the foreplay? Go in the shower or bath with her. Or get some baby wipes, undress her, and sensuously wipe her down before bedtime.
> 
> Think of creative ways to do this - because she may feel like you are being dictatorial about something that is trivial to her.
> 
> Yah, ideally, a spouse should just want to do things that make your partner happy - even something as simple as taking a quick shower before bed. But she hasn't had than enlightenment yet.


I've offered to shower with her and I get the "I hate showering at night"....whatever....fine...geez...etc.

I don't want to be dictatorial...I just want to be intimate in a reasonable way.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Orion the Hunter said:


> yes, I usually shower after hot sweaty sex. And I'm aware of the PTA...but when she's been sweaty all over...it's not attractive. She doesn't have BO by any means...just the fact that you know it's less than clean is a turn off.


I am not a "clean freak" by any means, but I do agree that showering after a workout is just necessary. I'm sorry, I totally missed that part.  I was thinking "PTA" after a day of sitting on my butt in the office. So, yes, I believe a request by you for her to quickly shower is not asking to much.


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

I prefer the way my wife smells before having a shower. Mind you she showers everyday as it is.

Cleaning up before sex takes a way her sexy natural scent which by the way is heavenly. I love it. I will even go so far as to tell her she smells great. 

If she showers before sec I know it is a quick in and out and thats it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Orion the Hunter said:


> And we do have our quickies where you take each other as they come...I've got no problem with that. But for extended foreplay where we're hopefully kissing a lot of each others skin, that's not my cup of tea.


Mmmmm salty skin! hahahaa  Now I want to go home to him...


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

My husband uses baby wipes on me. I'm prone to getting bladder infections and sometimes sex has caused that for me in the past so we use baby wipes before and after sex. I don't like showering more than once a day so...yeah. 

My husband uses the baby wipes at times as foreplay. It's really sexy. Perhaps your wife would like that?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I shower at night and that is when we make love during the week, so it is perfect. My husband is not fussy about natural smells, provided I have showered at some point during the day.

We use baby wipes after sex and I will often use them to freshen up before lovemaking.


Everybody is different, but I would be annoyed if I had to jump in the shower EVERY time we had sex.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Never understood not showering. Not to get all graphic but oral sex after a day of walking around, bathroom breaks and what not, there is no way anybody is going near there without me taking a shower. Am I weird? I don't think so, it's more about respect for my partner.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Never understood not showering. Not to get all graphic but oral sex after a day of walking around, bathroom breaks and what not, there is no way anybody is going near there without me taking a shower. Am I weird? I don't think so, it's more about respect for my partner.


You are not being too graphic, only honest.

I agree with what you are saying.


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## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

Thanks for all the replies... It helps.

I'm okay with not showering for straight up sex...but if we're going to have a more intense intimate session with oral or body rubs etc, I think a shower is needed. I love the natural smell of my wife...it's the other odors (don't want to get too graphic either) that become a major turn off for me.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Ugh, of course that would be a turn off Orion. Thanks for clarifying.

My husband was trying to drag me into bed last night and I made him wait until I was showered and fresh.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

what you are describing (OP) is just straight nasty imo. I CANT feel comfortable and enjoy myself during sex if I know i am "tart". If you want to illustrate what its like for you, since she is NOT getting the picture and any grown woman should, then slip her the stinky pinky and rub it under her nose afterwards. THEN ask her if she thinks she needs to shower before you put anything else, like ur face down there


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't think it's about respect. lol. I respect my husband but I'm not going to scrub down before touching him and I wouldn't think he doesn't respect me just because he doesn't scrub down each time.

I wash my hands and brush my teeth.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

Im not talking about scubbing down like you have been rolling in a ditch. Im talking about a woman washing her azz like she have some sense if she wants oral attention. Women have folds that create reservoirs for sweat, you have vaginal discharge marinating down in a nice dark warm place, some of us have hair down there, which all creates a nice environment for the manufacturing of FUNK.

He is telling her this is a problem for him. He is telling her he wants her but this is a deterrent. She sounds plain lazy. I dont understand how you are going to put a sweaty nasty body in a clean bed much less not wash ur azz before u go to bed. But thats just what *I* think is important in terms of hygiene.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

What is she? A farmer? Or just French?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

one shower a day is all I require of my wife 

now if she just got done turning over the garden then I might sugest taking a shower before.

don't worry in a couple more years you won't be haveing sex anymore anyway and your problem will be solved.

JUST JOKING!!!!!!!! or not if you read these boards its seem common

just sit her down and ask if you asking her to shower bothers her if it dose just say sorry I like when your all clean and soft right out of the shower and then jokingly say at least I'm not asking to give you a golden shower.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> What is she? A farmer? Or just French?


indian?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

If h wants something that ADDS to the whole sexual fun..... and it doesn't hurt.... then HELL YA!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

99% of the time I take a shower just before sex. I like being super clean and fresh and I would be ummm - self conscious if I didn't. My W is the same. This is our routine. 

FYI: I take two kinds of showers at night. A two minute version - which means we aren't having sex. And a longer - clean room version when we are. She DID have to tell me this - about 15 years ago. She told me once. I turned bright red - apologized and have been a clean nut ever since. 




Orion the Hunter said:


> Hello…
> 
> I started a topic a few weeks ago and appreciated the feedback. I’ve been reading the site and gaining some valuable perspective on things. I have another questions that I could use some help with.
> 
> ...


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

Hmmm, you've told her numerous times, in a discreet / gentle way, to take a shower before sex and I don't understand why she doesn't comply. Especially, if she's been out running around, working out, sweating etc .....Yikes!
Perhaps, you should go 24hrs without taking a shower and initiate sex and ask her to give you oral and see what she does. I think that will wake her up fast ....and she will get your meaning! 
And no, you're not a clean freak. I think your being very respectful and thoughtful!


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## Toxicgoober (Jan 6, 2012)

I think some people are wondering if you're just a germophobe, but I have been with a woman that was unusually rank down there. She made it worse by only taking a shower every two days or so. Men don't all smell like petunias, but when a woman doesn't keep herself clean that can be absolutely putrid. Is this the case? Does she naturally smell stronger than the average woman? Sleeping in your bed without taking a shower after working out is pretty gross. Just my 2 cents.


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## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> 99% of the time I take a shower just before sex. I like being super clean and fresh and I would be ummm - self conscious if I didn't. My W is the same. This is our routine.
> 
> FYI: I take two kinds of showers at night. A two minute version - which means we aren't having sex. And a longer - clean room version when we are. *She DID have to tell me this - about 15 years ago. She told me once. I turned bright red - apologized and have been a clean nut ever since*.


Yup...happened to me that way, and I said to myself that it would never happen again.

I know my wife likes me super clean... she's said it. Not sure why the message doesn't get through that I like the same...again, for more intense intimacy. I'll take her anyway for a rough and tumble quickie...(although those are few and far between)


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Orion the Hunter said:


> Yup...happened to me that way, and I said to myself that it would never happen again.
> 
> I know my wife likes me super clean... she's said it. Not sure why the message doesn't get through that I like the same...again, for more intense intimacy. I'll take her anyway for a rough and tumble quickie...(although those are few and far between)


Maybe she doesn't want to encourage that more intense intimacy and uses the lack of hygiene as a buffer.

Or maybe she's one of those people who is totally oblivious to everything except what they want.

I'd probably just wipe her down myself, and make it part of the process. 

Best wishes.


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## Noel1987 (Jan 2, 2012)

Haha nice point that girl thats the real love


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## Baileym (Dec 9, 2009)

I would be humiliated if my husband had to ask me to take a shower before sex! I always just do it, this is how I became a night time shower taker  

I wonder if she didn't just get embarrassed and doesn't want to start showering at night just because you said? Maybe she'll start on her own after a little time has passed.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Yes, I agree. He has a good smell when he's dirty loll..
> 
> He also likes my smell. Sometimes he'll tell me NOT to wash beforehand...like in the mornings.



...yeah... but there is a difference between a persons scent and.. lets say 'funky a$$ syndrome'....


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

Tap1214 said:


> Hmmm, you've told her numerous times, in a discreet / gentle way, to take a shower before sex and I don't understand why she doesn't comply. !


she doesnt comply because she doesnt want to and you continue to have sex with her. there are no negative consequences for ignoring your VERY reasonable request.

not not saying stop having sex with her because she doesnt shower. im saying stop having sex with you when you cant stand the smell and her tell her why. why should you put yourself through that. ewwwwww. P*ssies can be some of the smelliest things on earth.


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## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

janesmith said:


> she doesnt comply because she doesnt want to and you continue to have sex with her. there are no negative consequences for ignoring your VERY reasonable request.
> 
> not not saying stop having sex with her because she doesnt shower. im saying stop having sex with you when you cant stand the smell and her tell her why. why should you put yourself through that. ewwwwww. P*ssies can be some of the smelliest things on earth.


You're right...I've got to deal with why I get nervous bringing it up consistently... am I embarrassed for her? am I afraid of the potential rejection or argument? am I afraid of hurting her feelings? I honestly don't know.

funky a$$ is an interesting way to put it too. After intimacy, I want to wash my hands with a smile...not an ewwww...


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

janesmith said:


> If you want to illustrate what its like for you, since she is NOT getting the picture and any grown woman should, then slip her the stinky pinky and rub it under her nose afterwards. THEN ask her if she thinks she needs to shower before you put anything else, like ur face down there


I just laughed so hard I almost blew snot on my keyboard!


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## Orion the Hunter (Apr 20, 2011)

> Originally Posted by janesmith View Post
> If you want to illustrate what its like for you, since she is NOT getting the picture and any grown woman should, then slip her the stinky pinky and rub it under her nose afterwards. THEN ask her if she thinks she needs to shower before you put anything else, like ur face down there





Bottled Up said:


> I just laughed so hard I almost blew snot on my keyboard!


LOL...I didn't see that originally, but it's a very creative way of pointing out what I was talking about and not able to articulate nearly as well.

Still have to figure out why I'm resistant to bring it up consistently.


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## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

Before the military my husband was a shower nut. One when he got up, one after his run mid day, a night before bed and after sex! Craziest thing I have ever seen. This has nothing to do with female cleanliness but I sometimes wish he would shower less. He spends more than two hours in the shower a day!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Marvel212 said:


> Before the military my husband was a shower nut. One when he got up, one after his run mid day, a night before bed and after sex! Craziest thing I have ever seen. This has nothing to do with female cleanliness but I sometimes wish he would shower less. He spends more than two hours in the shower a day!


Holy cow, I hope y'all don't live in the desert. 

Yeah I shower once a day... sometimes twice if I do a double work out. Personally I find my skin dries up a bit if I have too many showers.

Though I do love that clean feeling, and I know my wife appreciates it.

My favorite is when we are both super clean and we lay side by side. Well my motor is pretty much running all the time, but that puts me in overdrive fast!


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

> So how would you handle this? A nightly shower is part of my routine every night. I like to go to bed clean whether intimacy is on the docket or not. On the days when I get up extremely early, I think showering at night is more efficient. I can roll out of bed and get ready and go to work at 5am without waking her up.


the OP is just like my wife, whereas I am a morning showerer. She thinks going to bed without showering is just gross. I suppose it's just how everyone is raised.

I've learned to adapt.. I'd rather change my showering habits than not get laid!

One way I can tell if she *really* wants me is if she initiates even when I haven't' showered. It's happened, but it's rare. Maybe that means she's ovulating?


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## Ascending_Soul (Jul 24, 2011)

Opposite sex, similar problem. Husband will only bathe twice a week, smokes and drinks. I have asked him to at least wash up....he likes oral, but if he tastes like an ashtray and smells like a bus station urinal.....well, I'm not interested......then I get to hear what a B....h I am. He had a prostectomy three years ago and has minimal erections, but still has his sex drive......he always showers in the morning, but is never interested then...I don't think it is really about sex for him, but about who is calling the shots......


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