# Wife, Divorce and Her Parents



## sorryforthat (Dec 20, 2012)

Fairly young couple and marriage, I have 25 and she is 23, military marriage, we have been together for 6 years, but married for 3 of those. I will start at the beginning, my wife dropped me off at work, said I love you and she was off, about 1 hour later I got called in to my commanders office and I am being told that I am getting a protective order which is basically a restraining order, he stated that her dad had been calling and said that I was being emotionally abusive, and he feared that I would be physical and limit her freedom of movement, I had no idea that she was leaving at the time so this all came to a shock to me, we had a great marriage, could have had more communication but all and all great marriage, I never emotionally abused her and never did anything to make anyone fear that I would be physical. I was relocated from my house and wasn’t allowed to see or speak with her. I finally get to go to the house and half the stuff is gone and her dad had came to pick her up and take the things, she tells me that this isn’t what was supposed to happen, that she just wanted to talk and if things didn’t change then she would leave. She left across the country. She expressed her wanting to come back to see and talk to me, we had a plan and it seemed as if it would happen. I get a call and she tells me that she spoke with her parents and they do not believe it the right time. Moving forward, I do not give up for 3 months, asking her to come back, telling her we can fix everything, and she says she understands and wants to, she knows that we can get through this and fix everything, but she just doesn’t seem to want to physically come back. Her parents have expressed to her that its best we get divorced and it seems that they seem to have a major impact on her, cause despite her saying she wants to see me and not get divorced, she also says that she doesn’t think anything will change, she went from wanting to talk and let things change to going home and now everything is different. Her phone was off recently and I decide to call her house, and her father picks up, I ask politely to speak with my wife, not trying to start any problems. He starts to tell me that she has already signed the divorce papers and that she will not be coming back, he seemed adamant that he would not allow us to stay married, I told him it wasn't his decision and he said that it was his daughter that this is what she wants, despite her telling me different. He said some pretty cruel things like that she was his daughter first, in which I replied that it isn't a competition; he said things opposite of what my wife has told me. Would she lie to string me along? This is the most of it, we run circles in our conversations and we never really get anywhere, just me telling her I want her back and her telling me she wants to, but she never does. Could her parents be having a major impact on her decision? She tells me it has nothing to do with them, but she has told me that if she leaves it will damage her relationship with her family? I am very confused on how to take all of this and how to handle it, should I stop fighting and move on? I feel I will never win when it comes to her family.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

I'm sorry, but if she wanted to be there, she'd be there. 

She's using her parents as an excuse. 

Did she say what "things needed to change"?

You have to let her make the first move. I'd stop calling her for the time being.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

I'm sorry, but if she wanted to be there, she'd be there. 

She's using her parents as an excuse. 

Did she say what "things needed to change"?

You have to let her make the next move. I'd stop calling her for the time being.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sorryforthat (Dec 20, 2012)

I came back from a deployment about a year ago, since being back, we kind of both had problems, i had my own from being over there and she had hers, she had gotten addicted to pain killers and had sought treatment for which she is still on. she mentioned that i wasnt there for her and i do not deny that, i was stuck in my head, i never had a relationship with her parents, she did want me to call them always, but i had just got off work and was very tired and didnt even want to call my own parents. I was diagnosed with PTSD and at times would get random spurts of anger but would mostly just walk away before it came out. we had gotten into a communication rut, it was never this bad before i left. I was so blind that i didnt even see any of it coming, and when it finally happened i realized i needed to do something, is it too late to hope for something. I hate hearing that she wants to come back and that she knows she needs to for us to work on things.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Her words don't mean a thing at this point - only her actions. Her actions are speaking clearly.
You MUST refrain from contacting her. She'll reach out when she's ready.

Are you in counseling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sorryforthat (Dec 20, 2012)

ReGroup said:


> Her words don't mean a thing at this point - only her actions. Her actions are speaking clearly.
> You MUST refrain from contacting her. She'll reach out when she's ready.
> 
> Are you in counseling?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have told her that same things, that her actions are what matter, and she tells me it always matter. I tell i feel like im giving up and that there is no point if nothing will happen, she tells me there is always a point. we havent been able to do counseling, and im not against the idea, considering she makes it back.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

I meant Individual Counseling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sorryforthat (Dec 20, 2012)

ReGroup said:


> I meant Individual Counseling.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When she left, i was put into counseling, that is when they diagnosed me with PTSD. I dont got often, i was away for 2.5 months on training and just returned a week ago. This is when i pressed hard to get her back so we can work on things. She is currently not calling me, her phone is off. I will break the contact, if she calls should i answer?


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Don't pick and certainly do not call. You have already expressed your desires and she's not responding. You have to start letting go. Its for your own good. It may draw a strong reaction from her and if it doesn't - you didn't sign up for a "Marriage Over The Phone" anyway.

Find a therapist and set up weekly visits.

Keep posting. Use this thread as your own personal journal. Its therapeutic. Others will chime in and give you advice. Know that you are not alone. Whether your marriage survives you'll be ok.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

