# Romantic Love is NO reason for a good and lasting LTR



## JTK-NCC1701

Says the psychologist an I think he is right.


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## Rus47

So Youtube video (which am not going to waste my time watching ) of some random guy at a bar wearing an HD shirt is the expert on romance, love, marriage or anything? Usually the bartenders are the ones who supply the pop psychology for the customers. If he is "right" it is just random happenstance. He may just as easily be "wrong" ( or "left").

Now, a published and peer-reviewed scientific paper in a respected Psychology journal might be relevant.


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## ElOtro

Just based on the title it would be a surprise to find there something remotely near to valuable.
I´ll watch the Youtube anyhow so I can be serius on what don´t seem to have such attribute.


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## Anastasia6

Not sure how this belongs in the LT marriage category. I have had romantic love for my husband for 28years. That's LT success but OP puts up a you tube video and comes to LT marriage to bash it?

Perhaps this should be in social or general?


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## Galabar01

I met my wife on Match.com (in 1999). We matched in a lot of areas and had a lot of shared goals. This has been really, really important.

I think love and like are extremely important. However, you have to make great "business/marriage partners" as well.


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## Enigma32

I think finding a decent person and great life partner is more important than "romantic love" which is often fleeting and based on hormonal chemistry. I think that love and affection for your person builds over time and finding the right person to share your life with should be based on more than just hormones. That's just me though.


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## jonty30

stewartbella1994 said:


> I couldn't live without love. Well, no way, not for what money. Personally, I get unreal pleasure when I'm in love, without this feeling it's hard to live, I don't feel like a happy person. I would rather choose the person I love. But there are other people, for example, I am now working in the project, and I must say that this is very popular both among women and among men.


I think the point is the fleeting feelings die off and are replaced by more solid feelings.
You can still do all the romantic things, but the new toy feelings die down.


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## Personal

In my experience strong mutual lust is a great place to start a long term sexual relationship, and for longevity it certainly helps to still share such lust through the long haul.


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## ElOtro

"Romantic Love is NO reason for a good and lasting LTR"

This asserion is not even wrong
It´s only ill formulated.
To be fair, it´s well suited for a specific set of assumptions.
Ones that souldn´t be naturalized while a significative part of us do not share them and neither we find good reasons to do it. Let´s look at them.
When we (someone) says that some causal factor is not necessary for a ressult, is also saying that other ones are enough (unless such effect is impossible).

Which are those ones implicit in this view?
Familiar love? Institutional stability (the "lasting" thing)? Support and companionship? The kind of moderate compatibility, character and social skills (as communication) that may prevent or help to solve conflicts? Shared individual goals and some interests? Honest and moral individuals? A sexual activity that fulfill basic but mainly personal needs?

Not all of them are really bad things to have. Some of them are, in fact, quite desirable.
A lot of LTR includding marriages are based solely on them.

But...
Are_ the sum of them enough _to make them _qualify a relationship as "good"_?

If you agree with that you may probably also agree with the poster title of the thread.

And,_ with some strong reserves_, I may also say that the hole set and each one are _necessary_ factors.
But enough? Really??
So much that being in love, sustained passion, a couple relationshp as core are as it best unneeded optionals??

Cos respect for the people that agree with such worldview (for them as persons, not for at all for that choice) I´m trying to find smooth adjectives for it, such variety of LTR.
The nearer I´ve found are: scarce, poor and sad.

Just IMO (but some others may agree) I would rather stay single than getting or staying in that proposed "good lasting LTR".

Best wishes to you all.


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## damo7

The guy in the video is a narcissistic ass pandering to incels on YT.
I'd say romantic love is at least part of the necessary ingredient list.


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## ElOtro

damo7 said:


> I'd say romantic love is at least part of the necessary ingredient list.


Agree


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## 346745

damo7 said:


> The guy in the video is a narcissistic ass pandering to incels on YT.
> I'd say romantic love is at least part of the necessary ingredient list.


Big part


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## jonty30

I think courting can be a continual process, but is something you do because it makes your mate happy.


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## 346745

jonty30 said:


> I think courting can be a continual process, but is something you do because it makes your mate happy.


Absolutely. Wife out with friends last night. Surprised to find dozen red roses, bubbly, chocolate and romantic note waiting for her. Still courting after 27 years.


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