# Message board



## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

I was just wondering if everyone's SO knows that they are on a marriage forum? My H doesn't and I don't think he would be very happy about me putting our private life "out there". There is so much good info here, I wish he would look for help here.

Cheers


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Mine doesn't

It's my "Safe Haven"

It's either this or vent our issues to folks she knows. That would probably push her over the edge a bit I think!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

mine does she is ok with it


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Mine knows but doesn't comment about it either way.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Mine knows I post here. He knows my username. I won't post anything here that I wouldn't mind him reading. Occasionally, he'll ask me "So what's happening on that marriage place you visit?"


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> mine does she is ok with it


In The Wind, from what I gather your marriage seems pretty positive.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

mine does


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

My H knows and even knows my screen name. He is ok with it and I can not tell you for sure if he has even read the things I have put out there. I have no idea about that.


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## TeR (Jun 28, 2012)

My husband knows that if I'm here...he's f*cked up somehwere 

I'll even have him read a post similar to my felings (hint...hint). Or read something that I'd like to have a conversation about; he won't get defensive because it's "someone else's issue".

Maybe let him catch you on a thread and ask his opinion...may open up some good conversation.


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## Charmed37 (Aug 13, 2012)

Hubby doesn't know, but I wouldn't mind if he did find out. I'd say the same things anyway.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

TeR:

I just might give that a try. It's not that I'm trying to hide it because if he asks I will tell him. I worry about his reaction to my posting personal stuff.

Toffee:

I'm starting to feel like this is my safe haven too. Don't feel so alone knowing there are others going through the same crap.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Toffer said:


> Mine doesn't
> 
> It's my "Safe Haven"
> 
> It's either this or vent our issues to folks she knows. That would probably push her over the edge a bit I think!


This. :iagree:


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Toffer said:


> Mine doesn't
> 
> It's my "Safe Haven"
> 
> It's either this or vent our issues to folks she knows. That would probably push her over the edge a bit I think!


Me too... This is a place I can vent, without his friends/family hearing about it.

He would be ballistic, if he knew I came here.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

A safe place is good to have. Though I came looking for answers for us, not as safe haven, so to speak. 

DW is a member here too. She's not as active. She reads, when she has a question. Doesn't post much.

I can understand the importance of privacy it should play for some.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

H know's I post here, he's read my posts and I point out interesting post from time to time.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

No idea. Just a thought, isn't it bad to post on here and not talk to your spouse/so about your issues? I read so much about this type of emotional affair it makes me wonder.


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## TeR (Jun 28, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> No idea. Just a thought, isn't it bad to post on here and not talk to your spouse/so about your issues? I read so much about this type of emotional affair it makes me wonder.


:nono:

I don't agree. Some of us come to ask for the best approach to having the talk...some of us come to vent and not hurt our partners' feelings...some of us come to discuss things our partner may not be comfortable discussing...some of us can get another point of view and then understand our partner better (never getting into a fight)...etc.

It's healthy to talk to other people; like a support group 

If anyone is coming to *Talk About Marriage *to seek affairs, emotional or otherwise, they're in the wrong place.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Tango said:


> I was just wondering if everyone's SO knows that they are on a marriage forum? My H doesn't and I don't think he would be very happy about me putting our private life "out there". There is so much good info here, I wish he would look for help here.
> 
> Cheers


No mine does not know. I think he would be a bit upset if he knew. It's my haven. I have gotten a lot of wonderful advise here. The people here are very nice also. I also wish sometimes that he could look on here without knowing I am on this forum. I think he would be surprised at all the information.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

I told my H about it when I found the board. He reads here sometimes, so he's seen my posts. We've even discussed some topics after they were brought up here. He talked about signing up, but he's not into forums like this too much. Although, I did think it would be sort of weird for us both to post here.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Tango said:


> I was just wondering if everyone's SO knows that they are on a marriage forum? My H doesn't and I don't think he would be very happy about me putting our private life "out there". There is so much good info here, I wish he would look for help here.
> 
> Cheers


Ya, he knows...and too bad if he doesn't like that I'm here putting it all out there. It's down to him that I found TAM in the first place, soooo....he really has nothing to say about it.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

2ntnuf said:


> No idea. Just a thought, isn't it bad to post on here and not talk to your spouse/so about your issues? I read so much about this type of emotional affair it makes me wonder.


I do both. Post here and talk to spouse about issues. I don't consider this EA-like at all...but then, I don't flirt in Social


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> I do both. Post here and talk to spouse about issues. I don't consider this EA-like at all...but then, I don't flirt in Social


See this is what I am talking about. Someone is hearing me a little. I think that without speaking with the spouse about the issues, it is akin to an EA. 

Flirting in social? Who thinks I am flirting with them? Come forward. Say what is on your mind. You may be right. You may be misinterpreting. I need to see it.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

My wife does know about TAM and I've even encouraged her to join. She has often read over my shoulders responses or threads that I bring up to her. I guess for now she just " lurks " but when time permitts she will.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> No idea. Just a thought, isn't it bad to post on here and not talk to your spouse/so about your issues? I read so much about this type of emotional affair it makes me wonder.


This is a good point but after you've had the talks, read the books and done some counseling with limited success, sometimes you just need to vent and comisserate


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

My husband knows I'm here but prefers it over looking up old boyfriends on Facebook


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Mine does, although at 1st she thought I came on these boards to find out how to get her to have more sex with me.

Or how I can divorce her.

I guess out of all the forum sub-topics the only ones she saw was

SEX & 
DIVORCE.


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## Hope Springs Eternal (Oct 6, 2012)

Toffer said:


> ...after you've had the talks, read the books and done some counseling with limited success, sometimes you just need to vent and comisserate


:iagree:

My wife knows I'm here, but I wouldn't necessarily want her to see everything I write. This is a safe haven for me.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

My wife knows , but somehow she's not interested.
She doesn't like forums, [ for obvious reasons]

My wife lives in a type of " marital bubble."
We've been to lots of marriage seminars and have read quite a few books books in the past.
She doesn't really see the need .
Sometimes she's sitting right next to me on the couch while I'm posting here, but she's usually too absorbed in her ipad to bother.


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## wdeal1 (Mar 24, 2013)

This looks like you have good communication that is a great way to keep your marriage going


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My H knows, Ive read to him some of the threads and posts. He has zero interest. I wish he would post, start his won thread about what a b!tch I am...something..anything! he is not usually aware that I'm actually posting though, I don't think... If he asked, I'd tell him.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

Tango said:


> I was just wondering if everyone's SO knows that they are on a marriage forum? My H doesn't and I don't think he would be very happy about me putting our private life "out there". There is so much good info here, I wish he would look for help here.
> 
> Cheers


Why would he care given that these types of boards are completely anonymous?

It's not like anyone is going to be pointing the finger at him or talking about him behind his back.

At the very least it's better than paying all sorts of money for -what has been my experience- mostly marginally competent therapists and at worst.. paying attorneys for a divorce.


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## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

Not sure if he does or not. Honey? Are you out there????? I love you!


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## wdeal1 (Mar 24, 2013)

Sorry to hear that 
Men like to feel important even at home learn what makes him feel good about himself and use this to get what you want


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Tango said:


> I was just wondering if everyone's SO knows that they are on a marriage forum? My H doesn't and I don't think he would be very happy about me putting our private life "out there". There is so much good info here, I wish he would look for help here.
> 
> Cheers


Ohhhh hell no! My wife doesn't even believe in sharing any feelings or info with our family or friends, so if she read even half the things I've written on here my ass would have been put out long ago along with divorce papers!!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Why do you put your pic up then Cee Paul, do you want her to catch you here?

As for me, no my partner doesn't know about this specific forum but he knows I go to forums to purge and chat. This is for me to be anon and let it all out. The issues I specifically come here for are past issues, any other chatting is quite incidental and fills the void while working from home alone.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Holland said:


> Why do you put your pic up then Cee Paul, do you want her to catch you here?
> 
> As for me, no my partner doesn't know about this specific forum but he knows I go to forums to purge and chat. This is for me to be anon and let it all out. The issues I specifically come here for are past issues, any other chatting is quite incidental and fills the void while working from home alone.


I never get on when she's around for one thing Holland, and then the second I am done here in the morning or late at night I make damn sure that I delete ALL browsing history.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

My husband knows about this message board but probably doesn't know I post.

The reason he knows about the board is because back in the fall, I sent him a couple links to forward to his brother, (180 & Marduks post). BIL and SIL are having marital problems, (I think she's having EA with a coworker), and my husband asked me to find anything that might help.

I've also discussed with him some threads I've read on here too.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> My husband knows about this message board but probably doesn't know I post.
> 
> The reason he knows about the board is because back in the fall, I sent him a couple links to forward to his brother, (180 & Marduks post). BIL and SIL are having marital problems, (I think she's having EA with a coworker), and my husband asked me to find anything that might help.
> 
> *I've also discussed with him some threads I've read on here too.*


Same and it is quite an insight for me. I usually give him a synopsis of the OP and ask what he thinks, seems we are on exactly the same wave length so far with every topic discussed


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

My fiance knows, but isn't a member on here herself. We've always regularly discussed our relationship, it's status, and what we are trying to do since meeting over 5 years ago. She'll read, and we'll discuss threads that are interesting to follow or have some relevance to us. It's helped us expand our working vocabulary about relationships, and made us consider and talk about things we wouldn't have considered on our own. 

It probably helps that I didn't come here originally because of a problem we had, but rather to deal with anger issues over my ex-w and what she did to me. It's second time around for both of us, and we're both interested in self improvement as well as being geeky analytical types so it works for us.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

My wife knows I visit quite a few forums, car club, ex-forces, and TAM (I spend a fair bit of my work time on "stand by"). 

I find that by taking the time to write down my views / opinions it allows me to keep my thoughts in order. I try not to "vent" too much on here but I know I have from time to time. My wife does her "venting" to the other mums at coffee mornings.


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## Reality_check (Apr 1, 2013)

The question is: Does your employer?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Reality_check said:


> The question is: Does your employer?


Yeah and she keeps telling me to stop procrastinating.


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## Reality_check (Apr 1, 2013)

Wiltshireman said:


> My wife knows I visit quite a few forums, car club, ex-forces, and TAM (I spend a fair bit of my work time on "stand by").





Reality_check said:


> The question is: Does your employer?


My apologies for any confusion. The question was meant to be directed at 'Wiltshireman'.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Reality_check said:


> My apologies for any confusion. The question was meant to be directed at 'Wiltshireman'.


It looks as if a co-worker does so I will have to be more discreet.


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## bailingout (Jan 25, 2013)

H doesn't know and I have no plans to let him in on it at this time. 

One time I showed him an article that I found interesting (not on TAM) and he went off blabbing about how "it was ridiculos and that I must be stupid to think that anything on the internet is real" or the numerous times that he has told me that I'm pathetic as I believe the internet or self help books to be written by God. Whatever.


He is also convinced that I am easily influenced and that everyone/everything controls MY mind but ME. :rofl:

So nah..I'll keep this under wraps specifically via in-private browsing.


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## wdeal1 (Mar 24, 2013)

Hi Bailingout 
Some people only believe what they want to and sad to say they are not likely to change. 
It sure sounds to me like He wants to be in total control of you and does not know that no one has that kind of control.
The internet is what ever anyone makes it like real life in fact it is real life to the ones who use it
wdeal1


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## Marianita (Feb 24, 2013)

This is some kind your private thing and it's not necessary your husband to know. Use the information to improve your life and your relationship


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

My wife knows and she has her own account on TAM.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

My wife often peers over my shoulder when I point out an interesting thread or comment .......... though I've been trying to convince her to open her own SN on TAM , I can only assume she lurks here for now ??


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> My wife knows , but somehow she's not interested.
> She doesn't like forums, [ for obvious reasons]
> 
> 
> Sometimes she's sitting right next to me on the couch while I'm posting here, but she's usually too absorbed in her ipad to bother.


Exactly the same with us,


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Both me and my husband are on here. We have learned quite a bit and has actually helped more than the marriage counseling has.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

My wife knows I'm on here and my username.

She doesn't show any interest unless I point a thread out. Then she will take my laptop and read it.

The discussion afterwards can be very interesting.


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