# As soon as the affair came to light, it was SURPRISINGLY easy to totally cut AP off



## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

I've seen in many cases as soon as the affair came to light, it was SURPRISINGLY easy to totally cut the OM/OW off. 

My question is why its so easy to cut-off when it came to light not when it's active?


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

The thrill and secercy are gone...real life sets in IOW consequences.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Because it's not really cut off. It just goes deeper underground.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

I asked my cheating wife this exact question. 15 minutes prior to getting caught she was texting about how much she loved, needed him, and wanted to meet again for sex. 10 minutes after confrontation, she wants only me, remorsful, begging to give her 1 chance. ???????? Makes you wonder who this person you have shared your life for 30 years really is. Still wonder almost 4 years out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

I think there are WS's who never stopped loving their spouses, who never really wanted to leave the marriage. They did this "on the side" without fully thinking through what the consequences might be when the day of reckoning would come. Then the slap upside the head - it's like, come back to reality and stop acting like a selfish, immature nutball. THEY even realize they were temporarily insane. "What the heck was I DOING??" And they drop the AP like a hot potato, wishing for a "do over," regretting they'd gotten involved.


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## leo74 (Jan 14, 2013)

hopefulgirl said:


> I think there are WS's who never stopped loving their spouses, who never really wanted to leave the marriage. They did this "on the side" without fully thinking through what the consequences might be when the day of reckoning would come. Then the slap upside the head - it's like, come back to reality and stop acting like a selfish, immature nutball. THEY even realize they were temporarily insane. "What the heck was I DOING??" And they drop the AP like a hot potato, wishing for a "do over," regretting they'd gotten involved.


Exactly


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

John2012 said:


> I've seen in many cases as soon as the affair came to light, it was SURPRISINGLY easy to totally cut the OM/OW off.
> 
> My question is why its so easy to cut-off when it came to light not when it's active?


I believe that in many cases the AP's are narcissists, particularly the men (I know that comes off as sexist, but as a man that's what I believe). They really don't have the intention of leaving their spouse. They seek attention, excitement, sexual gratification, and ego strokes. 

Once exposed, this can't continue. At least not with the same AP.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Affairs are all about "me" or "I" .... what they need, what they want...they are living the fantacy. Once they get caught, they all of sudden realize they are a "us" or "we" that they are part of a team with a spouse and the shame of batrayal and regret sets in. It's that "ah hah" moment that shakes them out of their fantacy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

Depends on the WS and the AP. For me, it was easier to cut him off physically than mentally. Still working on that bit.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*It is because you turned a bright light on and they saw how ugly, ugly, ugly the affair really was.*


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> *It is because you turned a bright light on and they saw how ugly, ugly, ugly the affair really was.*


or it was getting highly inconvenient to carry on the affair so they decided to lay off for a bit.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

They come to the senses after that. They weigh the pros and cons and decide to cut off, the thrill is over.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> *It is because you turned a bright light on and they saw how ugly, ugly, ugly the affair really was.*


Yes, it's like roaches scampering for cover.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

I often wondered this same question..... on DD he said he "wouldn't be able to stop talking to her"- (online EA) and in fact the night I kicked him out he took his laptop so he could stay connected to her. That lasted until I showed interest in R. He sent her a NC letter and as far as I've been able to confirm, he has not had any contact since. That was over a year ago. 

Not hard to do since she lived across the world...... don't know if he would have been the same if she was closer. That's the scary part.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

hopefulgirl said:


> I think there are WS's who never stopped loving their spouses, who never really wanted to leave the marriage. They did this "on the side" without fully thinking through what the consequences might be when the day of reckoning would come. Then the slap upside the head - it's like, come back to reality and stop acting like a selfish, immature nutball. *THEY even realize they were temporarily insane. * "What the heck was I DOING??" And they drop the AP like a hot potato, wishing for a "do over," regretting they'd gotten involved.


Exactly... My wife said she was crazy. She really couldn't comprehend how screwed up she was. To this day it is hard to believe how someone (my wife) could allow herself to get so screwed up, so consumed, as to risk her marriage, her family, her grown children for such a selfish desire. I can forgive... but will never forget the betrayal.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

For the same reason abusive husbands who can't seem to control their temper with their wife manage to do so when the police show up. She can't give him a thumping but the police can. People of weak character do bad things right up until some other external force compels them to do otherwise. People of strong character control themselves. Weak characters must be controlled. The partner having an affair enjoys and has no serious intention of stopping the affair or leaving the marriage. They feel entitled to both. Once the affair is no longer a secret, the offender has to crap or get off the pot. Usually, the affair partner gets dumped because they were never anything more than a diversion. If it were otherwise, the guy or gal would have valued the OW/OM above their marriage and got a divorce. Nobody's held in a marriage at gunpoint. Most people aren't willing to lose kids, house, pension, reputation, and half their income for a piece of tail.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RWB said:


> Exactly... My wife said she was crazy. She really couldn't comprehend how screwed up she was. To this day it is hard to believe how someone (my wife) could allow herself to get so screwed up, so consumed, as to risk her marriage, her family, her grown children for such a selfish desire. *I can forgive... but will never forget the betrayal.*


Oh, God, yes. That's so true.


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