# My story



## Foghorn (Sep 10, 2012)

Hi Everyone

You have seen my name around here for a while. I have never posted my story. There are so many stories around here and so many people that need help, that I held back. But since I’m hanging around I will give you the outline.

Part I - I was cheated on by my first fiancée. He was actually married to another woman in his home country, but he never told me. That was my first and last international relationship. He probably would have enjoyed cake forever, except I wanted to get married. In a heated “discussion” he blurted out that he was actually still married, so couldn’t get married to me. He had abandoned his wife and 2 year old baby boy. I learned a lot about his character right then and there and kicked him to the curb. That was 18 years ago but it still hurts.

Part II – I have been here more recently as a response to the infidelity that broke up my brother-in-law’s marriage. BIL had been married for 11 years with 3 beautiful children, but his wife stepped out on them. I wish I had known more at the time, to help because he pretty much did everything wrong by the standards of this board. She was fecking around with the neighbor (and a guy BIL considered to be his best friend). He discovered them “in flagrante delicto”. Even so, he tried to “nice” her back into the marriage, he waited and held back on exposure, and dragged her to counseling while she was still fooling around. She lied, blameshifted, and all the classic script. They are now divorced and he has EOW custody. Poor babies and poor Dad. He is my husband’s youngest brother and like a little brother to me. It still angers me to this day, how that family was destroyed by her selfishness.

My own current marriage is strong, healthy, and 15 years along. Three happy kids and we are still enjoying each other’s company. DH is 46, I’m 43, we are best friends. I am glad to know you all and provide any support I can to make someone’s journey through this easier. I wish I could have helped my BIL. But we do what we can. Peace.

-Foghorn


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Congratulations on your strong, happy marriage! Your BIL's story is sadly all too common. It sounds like he has supportive family to help him, which is so important. Best of luck to him and his children.


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## Silvr Surfer (Sep 25, 2013)

Glad there are other healthy marriages here. Foghorn. Thanks for sharing.


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## Foghorn (Sep 10, 2012)

Thank you. Healthy marriages take a lot of work to maintain. It helps to have two unselfish, mentally stable (mostly) people in the mix. And lots of love, time and affection. We know we are lucky.

Betrayal hurts more than the betrayed. It hurts the children, the parents, the extended family. It's more than ripples in a pond, in some cases it's like a forest fire, burning down one family and hurting many who are in range of fallout. If only betrayers knew what they did... and how far and how long it hurt. Honestly I'm amazed that people can reconcile.

I just didn't want to be a stranger.  Nice to meet you all.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Thanks for sharing. Awesome user name btw.


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