# Years of counseling...



## marriageinprogress

Just curious if anyone else has been in counseling for years!!! I know this probably makes me look really screwed up but I have been attending counseling for about 2 years, maybe even a little more. Yikes!!

I originally went into counseling to find ways to better my marriage, be happier, learn to communicate with my husband; I guess the list is pretty long I can keep going.... 

Long story but I ended up having an EA that led to a PA that I am very remorseful about. That was about a year and a half ago. 

Counseling is helping me sort through a lot of my thoughts and helping me be a better person. It does hurt the wallet but benefits out way that. Sometimes I wonder if my IC gets frustrated or wonders why the heck I don't learn faster. I even wonder sometimes why I am such a slow learner and why I don't progress faster? How do I know when I am done with counseling?


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## LovesHerMan

You can't just talk about your feelings to effect change; you must take action.

Does your counselor have you go through psychological exercises? Do you keep a journal? What are you doing to help your spouse heal? Are you practicing transparency and no contact?

All the discussion in the world will not help you move forward. Your actions must indicate that you have truly changed.


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## Almostrecovered

been on and off for decades now, but I am bipolar after all


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## marriageinprogress

lovesherman said:


> You can't just talk about your feelings to effect change; you must take action.
> 
> Does your counselor have you go through psychological exercises? Do you keep a journal? What are you doing to help your spouse heal? Are you practicing transparency and no contact?
> 
> All the discussion in the world will not help you move forward. Your actions must indicate that you have truly changed.


I haven't been keeping a journal but that sounds like a great idea. I wish I did so I could see the ups and downs throughout the last couple of years.

I have been completely open with my husband about everything and called the OM in front of my husband to stop all contact. 

I do talk a lot/ramble but I also listen to the suggestions of my IC and try my best to apply them. As far as my husband, I am trying to earn his trust back. He has told me he forgives me but I know he is still hurting. 

Does your counselor have you go through psychological exercises? 
-what do you mean by this? Can you give me an example?


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## marriageinprogress

Almostrecovered said:


> been on and off for decades now, but I am bipolar after all


Do you feel like counseling helps? Why do you keep going back if you don't mind me asking?

I don't think I am bipolar but I am very stubborn and strong willed


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## Mavash.

Almostrecovered said:


> been on and off for decades now, but I am bipolar after all


Same here. I'm at 12+ years. I have ptsd and depression. The depression is mostly gone but the ptsd lingers.


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## Mavash.

marriageinprogress said:


> Do you feel like counseling helps? Why do you keep going back if you don't mind me asking?


You didn't ask me but I will answer anyway. I keep going back because it has absolutely changed my life but it's a process. I'll get better, stop therapy, more 'stuff' comes up, go back to therapy and so on. I'm in round 3 of therapy now each one triggered by a big life event that I couldn't handle on my own.


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## Almostrecovered

marriageinprogress said:


> Do you feel like counseling helps? Why do you keep going back if you don't mind me asking?
> 
> I don't think I am bipolar but I am very stubborn and strong willed


well I havent been back in at least 6 years now, my GP is aware of my situation and I have trained myself to spot cues as to when I am going off the rails so to speak and call him to start up meds again (like last weekend, sigh)

but to answer the first question

it depended

had maybe 5-6 different shrinks over the years and I would say 2 of them were any good. The one I had when I was at college was by far the best. (I even saw him on CNN years later as a consultant a few times) He was the one who taught me cues and how to detach to a certain extent and really was helpful in helping gain control. It took years after I moved back home to utilize it to full capacity as I had to drop out of college and stop seeing him. It wasn't until another therapist helped me use what I had learned to the fullest. (and then he retried)

the 3 or 4 shrinks that werent good just focused on stupid crap like dream analysis and exploring feeling and thoughts. Not what I needed.


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## marriageinprogress

Mavash. said:


> You didn't ask me but I will answer anyway. I keep going back because it has absolutely changed my life but it's a process. I'll get better, stop therapy, more 'stuff' comes up, go back to therapy and so on. I'm in round 3 of therapy now each one triggered by a big life event that I couldn't handle on my own.


LOL.. thanks for answering even though I didn't ask you. Anybody can answer, I hope everybody answers!!

Do you keep going back to the same counselor? I don't know if I am too dependent on counseling but I feel like I need it, it does help me, and it makes me stronger. I look forward to my appt.'s.


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## Mavash.

marriageinprogress said:


> Do you keep going back to the same counselor? I don't know if I am too dependant on counseling but I feel like I need it, it does help me, and it makes me stronger. I look forward to my appt.'s.


I got sooooooo lucky with my counselor. She's awesome! In fact I've sent many of my friends to see her. She's like a counselor and life coach in one. So yes I've been seeing her this whole time.

I'm 100% completely dependent on counseling. I've been going 2X a month for over a year now (again round 3). I don't always look forward to my appt's because we've gotten to the place where she's tough on me. She holds nothing back with me now and well the truth hurts. LOL


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## marriageinprogress

Mavash. said:


> I got sooooooo lucky with my counselor. She's awesome! In fact I've sent many of my friends to see her. She's like a counselor and life coach in one. So yes I've been seeing her this whole time.
> 
> I'm 100% completely dependent on counseling. I've been going 2X a month for over a year now (again round 3). I don't always look forward to my appt's because we've gotten to the place where she's tough on me. She holds nothing back with me now and well the truth hurts. LOL


I feel very trusting and comfortable with my IC. That is funny that you said "life coach" because I have referred to my IC as my life coach too. Somebody to encourage me and steer me in the right direction. 

I respect that you feel you are 100% dependent on counseling but as for myself I want to feel independent and self reliant hopefully someday. I sometimes wish in my appt.'s that my IC would shake me or tell me how it is, holding nothing back. I like to hide my emotions and sometimes I wish he would pull them out of me more. Strangely I feel a sense of relief to get some of those deep feelings out. My husband and I don't talk about anything deep nor do I like to cry in front of him.


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## Mavash.

marriageinprogress said:


> I feel very trusting and comfortable with my IC. That is funny that you said "life coach" because I have referred to my IC as my life coach too. Somebody to encourage me and steer me in the right direction.
> 
> I respect that you feel you are 100% dependent on counseling but as for myself I want to feel independent and self reliant hopefully someday. I sometimes wish in my appt.'s that my IC would shake me or tell me how it is, holding nothing back. I like to hide my emotions and sometimes I wish he would pull them out of me more. Strangely I feel a sense of relief to get some of those deep feelings out. My husband and I don't talk about anything deep nor do I like to cry in front of him.


Same here. I trust her. She's actually gone out of her way to call me at home when bad things have happened to check up on me. I know she's got my back.

My goal is to ultimately transfer from depending on her to depending on friends/family for support. For me being self reliant won't work. I NEED people in my life to keep me grounded.

I don't talk to my husband about deep things anymore because I think he's tired of listening to it. LOL And I don't cry in front of anyone much less him.


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## UCanTalk

marriageinprogress said:


> Just curious if anyone else has been in counseling for years!!! I know this probably makes me look really screwed up but I have been attending counseling for about 2 years, maybe even a little more. Yikes!!
> 
> I originally went into counseling to find ways to better my marriage, be happier, learn to communicate with my husband; I guess the list is pretty long I can keep going....
> 
> Long story but I ended up having an EA that led to a PA that I am very remorseful about. That was about a year and a half ago.
> 
> Counseling is helping me sort through a lot of my thoughts and helping me be a better person. It does hurt the wallet but benefits out way that. Sometimes I wonder if my IC gets frustrated or wonders why the heck I don't learn faster. I even wonder sometimes why I am such a slow learner and why I don't progress faster? How do I know when I am done with counseling?



I've been with my current therapist 2 years and the one before for a year. My current T really pushes me hard and also coaches me which in really like. I've changed a lot in the past 2 years and friends and family are commenting more and more on these changes. I'm so impressed with the process I'm now training to be a psychotherapist - that gives me a legitimate excuse to stay in therapy for a further 4 years! As a friend said, there are worse things to get addicted to.


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## marriageinprogress

UCanTalk said:


> I've been with my current therapist 2 years and the one before for a year. My current T really pushes me hard and also coaches me which in really like. I've changed a lot in the past 2 years and friends and family are commenting more and more on these changes. I'm so impressed with the process I'm now training to be a psychotherapist - that gives me a legitimate excuse to stay in therapy for a further 4 years! As a friend said, there are worse things to get addicted to.


Congrats!! True, true there is worse things! 

Thanks for sharing, sometimes I feel so abnormal because I have been in counseling for so long.

Good Luck with being a psychotherapist!! :smthumbup:


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## UCanTalk

the only people that benefit from divorce are scumbag lawyers. Have a read of Brad Blanton's works on Radical Honsesty to see his take on lawyers.


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## LeslieH

I disagree. My parents divorced and they are both much happier where they are. It was a painful experience to watch, but it made my father more considerate and allowed my mother to marry someone that truly treats her like a queen. It's funny that since the divorce their lifestyles and personalities have totally polarized. 

They didn't even consider MC, just split. It was much better that way. 

I'm not advocating divorce, but my parents' marriage as also partially arranged, so sometimes divorce is the best option.

On the subject of counseling...
I just had my first session and I think it made everything worse. Out counselor was too resolution driven and really pissed off my BS. 

Have any of you tried counseling and those online programs that say counseling is evil? I'm looking into Baucom's right now. Do any of these Work?


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