# Asset Division - Should I be fair or be nice?



## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I have requested my lawyer to file the divorce paper today and I am kinda confused on how I should split the asset. Initially, I was thinking to get everyone I owned prior to the marriage back, split the community property, and not touch his pension and 401K. My lawyer said I am too nice as he is the one that left me and the one that cheated on me. Thoughts? I do not want revenge, but I do want what is rightfully mine to be given back to me.

Oh, another reason why I am on the fence on touching his pension and 401K is because he is so petty now. Arguing with me about kitchen daily items and trying to hint that I am stealing his stuff.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

I think you should follow your lawyer's advice and ask for whatever you are legally entitled to. If you were still together you would get the benefit of the money. It wasn't your choice to end the marriage so you shouldn't lose out on the use of the money.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

The issue here is I had significant among going into the marriage so with me deducting that out, he will have very little left. I feel guilty to mess with his retirement as he is close to 50 and I am only 35. I know if I do touch it that there is no way he can retire at 55 which have been his dream. 

I think you are right that I should just follow my lawyer advise instead. I have too soft of a heart and I should really protect myself instead of worrying about his retirement.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

KNIFE IN THE HEART said:


> I think you should follow your lawyer's advice and ask for whatever you are legally entitled to. If you were still together you would get the benefit of the money. It wasn't your choice to end the marriage so you shouldn't lose out on the use of the money.


100% agreed!!!!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

How long were you married? That would determine how much of his pension and 401k you might be entitled to.

Listen to your lawyer! A lot of women don't go after as much as they should. That's WHY YOU'RE PAYING A LAWYER. You should definitely get to keep what you brought into the marriage, but that's not all that's fair for you.

FORGET BEING NICE. Was he being nice to you when he cheated on you? Was he being nice when he walked out on your marriage? NO! If you go the "nice" route, he's going to end up taking YOU to the cleaners. Let your lawyer do his job and get your fair share.


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

Being nice is overrated. :FIREdevil::FIREdevil::FIREdevil:
You don't have to compromise your morals, thats what the lawyer is for. Take him to the cleaners.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

Thanks for all the advice. I will not clean him out just because of his action that caused the end of the marriage. If I do that I allowed him to change me into someone that I am not.

I am ok with fair but my fair is probably in his mind stealing from him again...LOL


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## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

Follow your lawyers advice. Let your lawyer fight for what you are entitled to but it does not have to get ugly. You can be fair about it and still come out alright in the end. But don't allow your emotions to control your actions.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

gigi888 said:


> Oh, another reason why I am on the fence on touching his pension and 401K is because he is so petty now. Arguing with me about kitchen daily items and trying to hint that I am stealing his stuff.


Well he is trying to Guilt you.
You don't want him to succeed in doing that to you.


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## 2005tahoe (Aug 23, 2013)

At first I was not going to fight over anything. Whatever she wanted she could have, material things and money to me is ridiculous to fight over. My love for my WAW and my life mean way more than what we have jointly. I will be the better person in the end of this marriage and she will look back in a year or so and feel terrible for fighting over stupid stuff.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Given his attitude, it would be better to be fair. I tried to be nice to my ex, but that only made her greedy, and caused delays in the divorce. Eventually, circumstances changed and she ended up with even less than the original fair division of assets. 

I recommend playing hardball to a moderate degree, then let him "win" by negotiating back to fair rather quickly. You both win that way.


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## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

I had every intention of being nice when I first filed 1 1/2 years ago, but his actions since then have convinced me to go after everything the law allows. He lied to me and cheated on me before I filed and since I filed he has stolen our entire retirement fund. So he gets what he deserves. Our court date is less than a month away and at this moment he does not have an attorney (because he pissed him off and he quit) and is facing 3 counts of contempt. So justice be done.

Also, ask yourself, would he be nice to you?? In case you are not sure, the answer is no - he cheated on you.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I actually have made up my mind to touch his retirement. I informed him that he will be served this week on his VM. He texted me back soon after and said "Sorry, I was on the phone with Dad. He wanted me to fix x,y,and z so I could not answer you call." :scratchhead: Another lie......I know him well enough to know that over explanation without me asking means he is being dishonest. He was talking to his girlfriend. I just let it go and said "i hope he have a good life and find your happiness." He replied "same to you. You have a lot to offer but you need to give yourself the permission to do so." Then, I asked if I can have the keys back without he threatening me as I am really scare living in the house.....NO RESPONSE

This is when I decided that I should not be nice anymore. He will not even return the keys after I told him I am scared so why should I care about his retirement.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

He's made it pretty obvious he doesn't care about you... you you are under no obligation to be nice to him.


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