# Business trip



## Hoping things get better (Oct 27, 2016)

I am in a marriage of 15 years. My wife is an honest person, but has done a couple things in the past that I do not like. (had a vendor fly out to see her that was not work related and I put a stop to that)

In May my wife went to a convention out of town. Upon arriving she receives a phone call from a person who states he bought a company she does business with and wants to meet with her. So they go to dinner/drinks 30 minutes later. She calls me later and tells me about the dinner and says the guy talked about how rich he was and that he owns an airplane etc…. I tell her great you met the guy, but you need to stick to your plan and do not let this guy derail you (selling at convention). She agrees. 
Long story short she does her three days there. 
After a couple drinks at home she says something about text messages with this guy. I am alarmed because I thought they only talked once. I asked to see her phone and discovered on the second night they text until 12am about random stuff. Nothing crazy. I continue reading their texts and I find out the third night, she had text me at 10:20pm that she was in her room. 2 minutes later she text this guy asking if he was out and he replied ,“ at hotel bar” she replied, “ order me a corona” and she was out the door. I am bothered that she would leave her room without her co-worker to meet this guy after telling me she was in her room. I do believe her that she was only at the bar with him for 30-45 min because she had work the next day. Why tell me you are in the room and then leave for no reason. 
I have been pissed about her actions for a couple months… Should I be mad about the events that transpired? (she has only had a couple contacts with this guy since then and all were business)


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't sound like your wife is really hiding anything from you. She has no problem with you looking at her phone, and she tells you what happens on her trips. That isn't the behaviour of a cheater. Usually. I suppose she COULD be doing those things because she has a secret other phone that she uses for the 'good' stuff, and she's throwing up a smokescreen.

I dunno. What do you think? Has she ever cheated before? Does she lie or act secretive about anything?


----------



## Married27years (Jun 16, 2016)

You have a right to be upset. Meeting a man at a bar alone when she is married isn't something she should be doing. If she was with other co workers then that would be more acceptable. Do you have proof she only stayed with him for 30-45 minutes or are you just accepting what she said?


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

rather then getting mad this is the best opportunity to have a discussion with her, to examine what occurred and talk it out...obviously she was interested in him to want to pursue further conversations. so why, have a clam conversation to uncover her thoughts on the matter....getting mad does not solve anything, just the opposite it will lead her to being more secretive.


----------



## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

OP do you hear yourself are you reading what you just wrote. You're either trying to convince yourself that your wife didn't cheat knowing full well she did. Or you have took it upon yourself to gaslight yourself. Please we don't need you to convince us that your wife did not cheat. And most likely is still cheating. And communicating with him. because you're enabling her and pushing her away the more you react this way (in denial) not confronting her infidelity head on. Time to put your foot down 

The good news is you're here let these people help you OP. Most people here have gone through The same thing you are going through right now. Let these people guide you through this. Just do what is suggested to you. Try not to second-guess them remember they're only motive is to see that you walk through this as painless as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

@Sparta, @Xenote and @Married27years: Why do you guys think she's cheating? She isn't hiding stuff. She sounds more like someone with no clue how to act appropriately around members of the opposite sex. She keeps telling her husband about her encounters - NOT typical cheater behaviour. I need a lot more info before I tell him to pull the D card.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Is your marriage healthy? Been having sex frequently these past 15 years? Are you two intimate (kissing, touching, etc)?


----------



## Hoping things get better (Oct 27, 2016)

She did not want to show me her phone, so I pressured to see it. I forgot to also say the guy is recently single. She has never cheated, but she has done similar questionable things. I am not in denial but just do not want to get negative on here


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> @Sparta, @Xenote and @Married27years: Why do you guys think she's cheating? She isn't hiding stuff. She sounds more like someone with no clue how to act appropriately around members of the opposite sex. She keeps telling her husband about her encounters - NOT typical cheater behaviour. I need a lot more info before I tell him to pull the D card.


 @Hope1964 Add me to that list. You know me. It is easier to hide lies within truths. Look, a vendor does not fly out to see her, non business, unless he wants to **** her. No other plausible excuse.

She may be telling the truth about staying in the bar only 30-45 minutes - because then they went back to her room or his. 

Even if they didn't hook up, she has such poor boundaries that a cheater has better boundaries. She is multiple PIV PAs waiting to happen. 

Haven't we seen this play out dozens of times? They are the right number of years in the marriage. Business travel. I used to business travel. Everyone I traveled with was either divorced or eventually became divorced. EVERY ONE.


----------



## Hoping things get better (Oct 27, 2016)

I did talk with her late that night and could hear her co-worker in the background and feel comfortable she was in her room


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Hoping things get better said:


> She has never cheated


You cannot know that or prove that. You can only know she cheated, not that she did not cheat. 

Look, every guy here in bad situations says the same thing. Their wife would never cheat....until they did.


----------



## Hoping things get better (Oct 27, 2016)

normal marriage stuff with meaning fights. We do have a normal sex life


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Hoping things get better said:


> I am in a marriage of 15 years. My wife is an honest person, but has done a couple things in the past that I do not like. (had a vendor fly out to see her that was not work related and I put a stop to that)
> 
> In May my wife went to a convention out of town. Upon arriving she receives a phone call from a person who states he bought a company she does business with and wants to meet with her. So they go to dinner/drinks 30 minutes later. She calls me later and tells me about the dinner and says the guy talked about how rich he was and that he owns an airplane etc…. I tell her great you met the guy, but you need to stick to your plan and do not let this guy derail you (selling at convention). She agrees.
> Long story short she does her three days there.
> ...


I'm not sure if you "should be mad", but I would have been too. It was a lie of omission. I guess the worst part is that now you still wonder if anything else might have happened that night. What I would probably do: Send him a text with your wife's phone with a baited comment such as "I seem to like Coronas." I once found out a girlfriend had cheated by creating a Skype account with her name and pretending to be her. That sounds very sleazy, but without that, I never would have known.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Hoping things get better said:


> Should I be mad about the events that transpired?


Oh, I missed that part. No, you have nothing to be mad about. She did not cheat. Nothing to worry about. She needs to keep her job and keep doing the business travel.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> @Sparta, @Xenote and @Married27years: Why do you guys think she's cheating? She isn't hiding stuff. She sounds more like someone with no clue how to act appropriately around members of the opposite sex. She keeps telling her husband about her encounters - NOT typical cheater behaviour. I need a lot more info before I tell him to pull the D card.


Hope, i do not think she is cheating, just the opposite i think she seems interested in what this person had to say so rather then getting mad, uncover why she si interested.


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> She keeps telling her husband about her encounters - NOT typical cheater behaviour.


My impression is that she didn't tell the OP that she had left her hotel room to go have drinks with another guy at the hotel bar. She only acknowledged it after he saw the texts.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Hoping things get better said:


> She did not want to show me her phone, so I pressured to see it. I forgot to also say the guy is recently single. She has never cheated, but she has done similar questionable things. I am not in denial but just do not want to get negative on here


OK. What are these 'similar questionable things'?

How do you know she has never cheated?

Does she usually guard her phone? How resistant was she to show it to you, and did she have a chance to delete stuff?


----------



## Hoping things get better (Oct 27, 2016)

She did not have time to delete stuff. (Trust me I am keeping it nice on here) We have gone rounds over this several times. She will not let me see her phone now. The guy does live 1500 miles away from her. I forgot to say he is single and a smooth talker


----------



## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Hoping things get better said:


> She will not let me see her phone now.


That, in my opinion, increases the likelihood that she may have done something more significant from 5 to 50%. Some perspective: My wife often picks up my phone instead of hers for whatever reasons. I cannot imagine telling my wife that she can no longer use my phone.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

hoping things get better said:


> she will not let me see her phone now.


huge red flag here!!!!!!!


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

OK. You need to see her phone. And go through it. The likelihood of her cheating just went WAY up here.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The soup is thin.

The plot thickens.

Stop all questioning of her. Analyze everything she does and says. Check her phone, computer, all forms of communication. This need not last forever, but long enough to quell your fears.

She is either naive' or very clever.

She obviously enjoys the chase, the attention of other men. This we know. A married women meeting a man "alone" for drinks in a bar. The act "alone" is worrying. Bad boundaries, naive or not.

The best of us can drown in a perfect storm of circumstances. Pious men and women can be had.

She is willingly standing outside the norm of boundaries, letting the buffeting and warm winds nudge her.

She willingly coughed up some of the information on "Newly divorced" OM. Why?

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Speculation:
If the "said subject" were to pop up on your radar, she would say "I told you about OM". You must not have been listening. He is a business contact, a distant friend....all the usual white lies. She is slowly introducing OM to you. When all talk of him is gone. The affair is ON.
.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
I do not think anything happened yet. But I would be fearful. 

Beware...and monitor her, in the background. Be a good husband....do not give her any excuse to first "Wonder" then to "Wander". 

The Wonder phase might forever remain a fantasy.

The Wander phase arrives with a bang! It starts with words, eye contact, smiles, comforting soft words, shared laughs, a meet up, a kiss....then the second squishy bang.

We can recover from spousal Wonder in the mind: deceitful Wandering in the Flesh...........very hard, indeed.


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Time to put a VAR in her car and see what she's saying on the phone. 

I take it you have access to her cell phone bill? You'll be able to see exactly who she's calling and texting, assuming she doesn't have another phone.


----------



## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

OP, I know if I was in a hotel room texting my wife one minute, then accepting an invitation for late night drinks from a single supermodel (shallow, but unfortunately a man with a private jet is the sexual market value equivalent), I would either be hugely naive or thinking with my d!ck. Even if the woman was not particularly attractive, I would have a voice in my head saying 'this is not right'.

She knew it wasn't appropriate but she did it anyway. You have to decide if you can live with that.

If it's business, it's done in fvcking business hours. Anything else is bullsh!t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Order me a corona? A) nobody needs a Corona ordered, it is a gimme and it's there, so B) she was expecting him to pay for it.

Not legit at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Ha. SunC and I raised the naive vs 'up to no good' unbeknownst as we typed simultaneously.

Won't let you see her phone, OP?

GAME OVER.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Before I was married, I used to go to conferences for a private investment firm, dinner and drinks were normal, but never exchanged such texts like that. Rare to have informal communication like that with clients unless something else is going on. 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

HTGB,

BTW talking about trivial things is how an OM type keeps women on hold waiting for an opening.

You might have a bad argument with your W and bingo OM gets a text from your W, and he responds with "yea my exW did that too", then boundaries fall one by one.

Playing the wealth card as well.

Does your W like to flirt?

Speak with OM-exW for intel.

Tamat


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

TAM2013 said:


> OP, I know if I was in a hotel room texting my wife one minute, then accepting an invitation for late night drinks from a single supermodel (shallow, but unfortunately a man with a private jet is the sexual market value equivalent), I would either be hugely naive or thinking with my d!ck. Even if the woman was not particularly attractive, I would have a voice in my head saying 'this is not right'.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I disagree about the business hours. Business is very often conducted at night, over dinner, and in bars. I have done that often. The "social" part is a requirement. It fosters and seals the business relationship. It is part of the job. Everywhere. 

Btw, if this guy was a big account, flirting with him or sleeping with him could help land the account and get her a big bonus or promotion.


----------



## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> I disagree about the business hours. Business is very often conducted at night, over dinner, and in bars. I have done that often. The "social" part is a requirement. It fosters and seals the business relationship. It is part of the job. Everywhere.
> 
> Btw, if this guy was a big account, flirting with him or sleeping with him could help land the account and get her a big bonus or promotion.


Still bullsh!t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Btw, if this guy was a big account, flirting with him or sleeping with him could help land the account and get her a big bonus or promotion.


Some companies encourage it, if the client is rich enough. 
And if you lose the contract, they find ways to get rid of you from job. 
I myself cleaned glass partition walls for months as punishment in one such company. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## rockon (May 18, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> Some companies encourage it, if the client is rich enough.


Curious, if a company encouraged female employees to sleep with customers to "seal the deal" I would think it would open itself to massively expensive lawsuits.


----------



## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

MrsAldi said:


> Some companies encourage it, if the client is rich enough.
> And if you lose the contract, they find ways to get rid of you from job.
> I myself cleaned glass partition walls for months as punishment in one such company.


I rest my case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Hoping things get better said:


> Trust me I am keeping it nice on here


What is the point of doing that on an anonymous forum, when people need all the right information to help you with this?

Wife won't tell you everything.

You won't tell us everything.

So we see maybe 25% of the real story?


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

This is all very interesting. I travelled for about a decade in the 1990s m-f. We went out a lot. Usually just guys or mixed company.

But I also stayed next door to "World Famous Big Al's" in Peoria for a couple years and often went there alone.

Told W before almost always and after. Never in a million years would I thought of cheating and I doubt my W was ever concerned.

It's funny but if your relationship is rock solid and you're a little naive like we were, you don't have guilt and can get into bad situations I suppose.

[clarifying - we've never had marriage issues or infidelity] 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

rockon said:


> Curious, if a company encouraged female employees to sleep with customers to "seal the deal" I would think it would open itself to massively expensive lawsuits.


It's hard to explain, but it's not that easy. 
If enough people came forward, maybe. 
Some don't come forward because the rewards are generous. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

rockon said:


> Curious, if a company encouraged female employees to sleep with customers to "seal the deal" I would think it would open itself to massively expensive lawsuits.


The company has a code of conduct policy. That policy forbids this. That protects the company. All employees are trained on the policy, with documentation. Woman is offered opportunity to land the big account. Big bonus. Big promotion. Client comes on to her. He knows he is in position of power. This is done outside the office, at night. Woman has decision to make. Flirt or sleep with him or risk losing the account. It is HER choice. If she does not land the account, she is fired for poor performance, or is forced to wash partition glass for months. The company never told her to sleep with him. She did not land the account, she is gone. The client does not ever give that as the reason. They just say they don't think Company X really wants their business. 

Heck even if she does sleep with him, she can still be fired. Because she slept with him and violated company policy.

If you don't want to play the game, don't go into that line of business. It can really move a person's career forward. 

Why do you think all pharmaceutical reps that call on doctors are very attractive young women? I know some. They got "enhancements" so as to further their career. Even being much younger, they make a heck of lot more than me, and I am paid well.


----------



## rockon (May 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Let me explain how it works.


No need to be condescending. 

In my business my customers never complain, hell, they are not even breathing.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

rockon said:


> No need to be condescending.
> 
> 
> 
> In my business my customers never complain, hell, they are not even breathing.




I agree. I removed that part already, before reading this. Or at least i thought i did. My apologies.


----------



## rockon (May 18, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I agree. I removed that part already, before reading this. My apologies.


Apology accepted. No worries.


----------



## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Of course it goes on, blueinbr. Women have the choice to prostitute themselves in many ways.

There's a difference between a mixed group in a bar and a mens golfing weekend and the situation here. 

Putting that crap past a SO in the name of 'business' is........you guessed it. Bullsh!t
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Hoping things get better said:


> She will not let me see her phone now. The guy does live 1500 miles away from her.


This is a near deal breaker for me. I woul just take it.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Your wife might not be cheating, but she likes making you worry and be jealous. That's my sense. Why is she telling you every move she's making when on a business trip? Either you're super controlling, or she likes making you squirm and wonder what she's up to when she's away. 

I feel sorry for some on here, your marriages sound like they're filled with games and childish behaviors.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

TAM2013 said:


> OP, I know if I was in a hotel room texting my wife one minute, then accepting an invitation for late night drinks from a single supermodel (shallow, but unfortunately a man with a private jet is the sexual market value equivalent),


Not really. Most women wouldn't choose an unattractive wealthy guy over a hot guy with a modest income. Money can buy nice things, but it can't buy passion.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

blueinbr said:


> @*Hope1964* Add me to that list. You know me. It is easier to hide lies within truths. Look, a vendor does not fly out to see her, non business, unless he wants to **** her. No other plausible excuse.
> 
> She may be telling the truth about staying in the bar only 30-45 minutes - because then they went back to her room or his.
> 
> ...


The impression her behavior in giving the info about possible OM is in the best case testing the waters with you. In hindsight this would then have been her informing of you how things are developing, if you then have not responded in alpha male fashion, it is not her fault the went astray, you simply did not defend what was yours, and another alpha came and took is from you.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> The soup is thin.
> 
> The plot thickens.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

This tells all actually what you need to know. Now stop talking to her and start acting OP!


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

See_Listen_Love said:


> The impression her behavior in giving the info about possible OM is in the best case testing the waters with you. In hindsight this would then have been her informing of you how things are developing, if you then have not responded in alpha male fashion, it is not her fault the went astray, you simply did not defend what was yours, and another alpha came and took is from you.


While I understand your point, it is HER responsibility not to have an affair, not her husband's responsibility to keep his wife from having an affair. We can only be responsible for ourselves. This is a problem I've noticed with betrayed spouses, they often blame themselves for why their WS ''wandered'' off. Not saying circumstances can't lend itself to temptation, but I own my own actions, so do you. It's not my fiance's fault for example, if I were to cheat on him.


----------



## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

See_Listen_Love said:


> The impression her behavior in giving the info about possible OM is in the best case testing the waters with you. In hindsight this would then have been her informing of you how things are developing, if you then have not responded in alpha male fashion, it is not her fault the went astray, you simply did not defend what was yours, and another alpha came and took is from you.


In my opionion if the relationship has come to this point of hidden contracts and subliminal warnings it's nearly doomed. Because it's just a sh!t test and it's completely dependent on her how she takes the reaction of her spouse. Alpha-male response can be interpreted that he cares or that he is controlling and not wanting her to succeed in her job. If he says that he trusts her or simply does not care it could be assuring for her or interpreted as weakness that can be exploited or that he does not give a damn about her. 

In the end either reaction by the spouse can be spun in a way that "allows" her to act the way she wanted to in the first place.


----------



## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I'm not convinced of infidelity. Maybe the wife is very social and naïve. And, she has very poor boundaries with her professional relationships. However, the 2 things that stood out to me are: 1. texting this fellow until midnight and 2. now refusing to show him her phone. 

OP-I would not say anything further to her. Just act like everything is normal and proceed with your life as before. However, you need to start snooping. Get a VAR, check the text messages, phone call history, etc. 

It's very common for vendors/suppliers to entertain existing clients & potential clients. And this certainly does happen during non-business hours. Most of the time in my situation, when my husband is entertained by a supplier, the supplier actually invites us BOTH of us out. Or the supplier is taking out a group of employees from the company. If it would be a one-on-one visit, then it's normally during the business day and just involves lunch out. Where I'm at, this behavior is widely accepted and mostly expected as well.


----------



## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

Personally, I'd be trying to get the other guy fired for breaching code of conduct. Attending events as a group on the company's dime is one thing. Meeting somebody who divulged personal information about having no commitments one on one in the lobby where they are both staying is HIGHLY suspect. If the SO's wife is hiding her phone then there's evidence she doesn't want out there, but whether it is in the interest of "business" or "pleasure" - well, that's a gray area from several perspectives.


----------



## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Here's the thing.

She acted inappropriately

No matter what anyone on this site tells you, you have to ask yourself:

I am going to put up with this behavior.

People have posted that she is naive or socially inept.

That's good if she was in her teens.

Unfortunately, she's a married woman who should not be engaging in these types of behavior.

So I will ask again, Are you going to put up with this behavior?What consequences are there for this behavior?

For me, this is stepping into cheating. 

Granted, this may seem extreme, but her actions prove that the onus of *not * having sex would be on her.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> This is pure evil. How could it be stopped?
> 
> ------------------------
> 
> ...


It's rife in the financial and apparently pharmaceutical industries, I don't see it changing anytime soon.
I'd just like to add that my managers were female, they had zero sympathy for me, in their minds I should have done whatever it takes to get that contract. I quit the whole industry after. I'd rather scoop poop and keep my dignity/integrity, but many people are happy to exchange theirs in order for money so that's why it flourishes. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

MrsAldi

I admire your willingness to "scoop poop" instead of being an unwilling prostitute for your former employer. I'd probably do the same in that type of situation.

But the point is, of course, that you should never have been put in that position. And what happens to the women who are not in a financial position where they can quit, or risk being fired.

Illuminating that your supervisors were women. So much for the "sisterhood".


This is one of the reasons that I am against prostitution ever being legalized.

There would never be any acceptance, then, of women being unemployed. There will always be "work" of that nature available; so retraining programs or welfare or unemployment benefits for women (or men even) would be threatened.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Hoping things get better said:


> She did not want to show me her phone, so I pressured to see it. I forgot to also say the guy is recently single. She has never cheated, but she has done similar questionable things. I am not in denial but just do not want to get negative on here


That is quite possible she hasn't cheated. Also, she may use flirting as a business tool without any intention of really doing anything. I've met women like that who seem all interested but as soon as you try to step it up they turn all business.

She may have poor boundaries. Boundaries are not bad, not a sign of weakness, and not reflective of being jealous. You know you're going to hear either on this forum or from friends in real life that you're being a ridiculous teen-like jealous person.

Boundaries are something you two keep around the marriage to keep the _marriage_ safe. This isn't about you putting a chastity belt on her, this is about you each valuing the marriage and respecting your spouse enough to stay away from situations which could cause harm. One possibility of harm is that temptations overcome one of you and you cheat. But the other harm is that one of you becomes worried or distressed about the other person _even though the other person isn't actually cheating_. The last one is about the appearance of infidelity, where you want to avoid even the appearance of it.

There are 3 entities involved here. You, your wife, and the marriage. You have your personal boundaries, she has hers. But then the marriage itself needs boundaries. Good boundaries include no dates or date-like events with other-sex people. A business lunch is business, so keep the personal chat to a minimum. Mention your spouse frequently during those other-sex one on one business lunches. No one on one other sex visits to the bar. Don't go into a hotel room of an other-sex person whether a coworker or business contact. Keep business communications professional and limited to necessary contacts only. No late night texts, etc.

I think that is the kind of discussion you and your wife need to have.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

rzmpf said:


> In my opionion if the relationship has come to this point of hidden contracts and subliminal warnings it's nearly doomed. Because it's just a sh!t test and it's completely dependent on her how she takes the reaction of her spouse. Alpha-male response can be interpreted that he cares or that he is controlling and not wanting her to succeed in her job. If he says that he trusts her or simply does not care it could be assuring for her or interpreted as weakness that can be exploited or that he does not give a damn about her.
> 
> In the end either reaction by the spouse can be spun in a way that "allows" her to act the way she wanted to in the first place.


Good One!

Catch-22 sticking its nose up the skirt of OP's wife and after-words poking OP in the snout. No blood, yet. 

Does smart!


----------



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Why do you think all pharmaceutical reps that call on doctors are very attractive young women?  I know some. They got "enhancements" so as to further their career.


This takes marketing to another level... politics, prostitution, and "marketing"?

Come to think of it, the biggest deal closers in tech sales at conventions were women, quite striking, and heavy partiers... at what cost though I now wonder.


----------



## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> This takes marketing to another level... politics, prostitution, and "marketing"?
> 
> Come to think of it, the biggest deal closers in tech sales at conventions were women, quite striking, and heavy partiers... at what cost though I now wonder.


When there were no women in these positions the business partners went to strip clubs, provided escorts, sex parties etc. With women present the whole thing just took a more direct approach and there are enough that are willing to participate, voluntarily or not.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

rzmpf said:


> When there were no women in these positions the business partners went to strip clubs, provided escorts, sex parties etc. With women present the whole thing just got a more direct approach and there are enough that are willing to participate, voluntarily or not.


Ah... cut out the middleman.

I guess selling one's soul for mammon is the cost, and quite the unmindful path...


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Herschel said:


> Order me a corona? A) nobody needs a Corona ordered, it is a gimme and it's there, so B) she was expecting him to pay for it.
> 
> Not legit at all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course he would be expected to buy the drink.

Vendors do that. All the time.

However, there seems to be a sub-text here.

Was he bragging about having a private jet?

If so that's the red flag, I would suggest.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

We need more flour for the soup.

More Flower for the OP.

More Power for the Plot.

More patience for the Watched Pot that awaits the boil.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> It's rife in the financial and apparently pharmaceutical industries, I don't see it changing anytime soon.
> I'd just like to add that my managers were female, they had zero sympathy for me, in their minds I should have done whatever it takes to get that contract. I quit the whole industry after.* I'd rather scoop poop and keep my dignity/integrity, *but many people are happy to exchange theirs in order for money so that's why it flourishes.
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


Miller is obviously pleased that you took up the position of his pooper scooper. 

I saw some rum goings on when my former employers organised a major trade show every year.

It was obvious that on one trade stand that the two young girls hired to work on the stand were expected to perform "other duties" in the evening and over night with the MD and Chairman of the company that had hired them.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I asked to see her phone and discovered on the second night they text until 12am about random stuff. Nothing crazy. I continue reading their texts and I find out the third night, she had text me at 10:20pm that she was in her room. 2 minutes later she text this guy asking if he was out and he replied ,“ at hotel bar” she replied, “ order me a corona” and she was out the door. I am bothered that she would leave her room without her co-worker to meet this guy after telling me she was in her room. I do believe her that she was only at the bar with him for 30-45 min because she had work the next day 


This is why I believe she cheated. Third night she tells husband good night then immediately text the OM to see if he was out. With the yes she says buy me a corona and she is out the door. She made sure she would not be disturbing. 

Now with that being said it is up to the OP tell do the leg work to fix or not. Not that it matters, don't think OP is with us anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Are you seriously doubting that she shagged him that night in her hotel room (or his) ??????

After she sent him the text to "order her a Corona"... (meanwhile she had already dutifully checked in with you at home holding down the fort, and then bolted to the sleazy hotel lounge?!)

Sure, whatever...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

This thread makes my blood boil. 

Checking in with you and then going to see him two minutes later. 😡😡😡

Get ahold of that phone. Where is it when she's asleep? 

Don't know if OP will be back...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> This thread makes my blood boil.
> 
> *Checking in with you and then going to see him two minutes later. 😡😡😡
> 
> ...


Pretty cold and calculating. She can never say ' it just happened '


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

@Hoping things get better
How are you doing?


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

He has not been back since his hit and run on the 27th.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Hoping things get better said:


> I find out the third night, she had text me at 10:20pm that she was in her room. 2 minutes later she text this guy asking if he was out and he replied ,“ at hotel bar” she replied, “ order me a corona” and she was out the door.


 This was not a case where he texted her late at night to invite her for a late night drink, and where she felt pressured to go because of business. This was a case where she texted this recently single rich guy late at night to see if he was available to see her that night. The fact that she deliberately mislead you that she was in her room for the night before texting him, and that you only found out because you forced her to let you see her phone, only makes it worse (lie by omission). Spouses with nothing to hide, hide nothing. The texts only tell you a small part of the story. You would not know if they hung out together other times, if he put his arm around her at the bar, or did other things when they were together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@Hoping things get better what is happening? @TRy is right that you don't know why she hid this, why she went down to see him, and why she hid the phone.

Deceit is a marriage killer and the type of thing that gnaws at you.

Where are you in these questions?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------

