# Help! What is this?



## boaty (Feb 8, 2011)

I just found this site yesterday & I don't think it could have popped up on my radar at a better time. This is my first ever thread. My H & I have been married for 6 months. We dated for about 10 months before we got married but we were friends first for about 5 yrs. While we were dating I asked him if he had ever been with another guy & he said he had been raped by 2 guys about 25 yrs ago, I was floored. I asked a few questions & dropped it because it seemed to make him very uncomfortable. A few months later I was on the computer & found pictures of him with another male, I found where he was on a web-site claiming he was BI & found where he was talking to a man. He NEVER told me he was BI & I asked him why he hadn't told me, he said he was afraid I would leave. I have been living with this, to my knowledge he hasn't been with anyone since we've been together but he is always getting text from men & women, he changes his password on his email & phone all the time & since he lied to me in the beginning I am having a hard time trusting him now. Help me!!!!


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Well, nothing wrong with being BI. Yeah, he should have shared it with your earlier, but I understand it is a hard thing to talk about. Sounds like you figured it out when you were still dating and were seemingly OK when you married him.

I would say don't worry about it. It should not drive any mis trust unless you have hard evidence that he may be cheating on you.

That said, you should also be open with him about how you are feeling and he should reassure you in his faithfulness.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

boaty said:


> I just found this site yesterday & I don't think it could have popped up on my radar at a better time. This is my first ever thread. My H & I have been married for 6 months. We dated for about 10 months before we got married but we were friends first for about 5 yrs. While we were dating I asked him if he had ever been with another guy & he said he had been raped by 2 guys about 25 yrs ago, I was floored. I asked a few questions & dropped it because it seemed to make him very uncomfortable. A few months later I was on the computer & found pictures of him with another male, I found where he was on a web-site claiming he was BI & found where he was talking to a man. He NEVER told me he was BI & I asked him why he hadn't told me, he said he was afraid I would leave. I have been living with this, to my knowledge he hasn't been with anyone since we've been together but he is always getting text from men & women, he changes his password on his email & phone all the time & since he lied to me in the beginning I am having a hard time trusting him now. Help me!!!!



He's bi. Either accept it -- and him -- or move on. He's not going to get any less bi.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Hey there boaty....

I feel like the issue for the moment isn't so much that your husband is bi-sexual, it's more that he withheld the information from you, yes?

You have a right to feel jarded. Because he lied, your trust in him to be open and honest with you has been compromised. You have the right to wonder if there are any other surprises waiting to be discovered - because quite often (not always) there are.

I guess it really depends how much you love and want to be together with your man, regardless of his bi-sexuality, as to what you do next.

If you are okay with his bi-sexuality and you both want make a go of it, then you'll need to sit down and really talk things through in a way that's he feels safe to do so, laying all cards on the table.

That way you can both make informed decisions on where you are going.

So that trust can be rebuilt, he will need to become totally transparent to you. No more changing passwords or hidden anything - a completely open book (to you).

When people lie or withold the truth the only thing they are concerned with is protecting themselves from the reaction telling the truth might bring - they never think of the hurt and confusion the fallout of the truth being exposed brings with it.


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

I don't really understand that he got raped by two guys and then now he's bi. I wonder if he actually enjoyed it then and he's really gay.

If it bothers you, then you should leave (his dishonestly and that maybe being bi isn't really your thing). You haven't been married for very long so it's better to end it now then to drag it on. I'm sure more "secrets" will come out the longer you stay together. The question is, can you handle the truths when they come?


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