# Hurt and Feeling Alone



## AloneandConfused (Nov 7, 2011)

I have been married for almost 15 years. We have been together since high school. We have 3 kids...15, 11, and 7.

Five years ago my husband cheated on me for 3 months and I caught him. He said that they were just friends but what they were doing is not just friends. I heard there were other times too but this is the only one I really know about happening. We decided to work things out and things were good with us.

At the beginning of last year he lost his job and it was really hard on us but he got a job towards the end of last year. 

Our problem now is that he is working plus doing side work, taking classes and also teaching classes. However when he is not doing those things he is going to his friends house to hang out and drink and he sometimes goes out and drinks and don't come home til late at night. 

I keep kids in my home so I am basically with kids 24/7 and I never get a break and if by chance I happen to get one (very rare) I am so plain exhausted that I don't feel like doing anything.

It has been getting very tiresome dealing with him never being here and me taking care of the kids alone etc. I have talked with him about it several times but it never helps. This past week we have only been around each other for about 30 minutes total awake. YestHe did go to work today and my daughter called him but he couldn't answer so he called baqck later and I could hear him talking to her and he asked her if she was the one that had called him. It was like he didn't want to even talk to me if it would have been me calling.

I just feel really along and confused right now. I do have family close by but I can't talk to them about any of this and because of me not working outside the home and not getting out much because one of my kids are special needs, I don't have anyone to talk to about this either. I have 2 friends that I "can" talk to but I can not "trust" them and their husbands are also friends with mne.

Another thing that I am stressing over is that when he does move out, I will have to also because I can not afford to stay here because I don't get paid hardly anything keeping kids. I only have one now but am suppose to get a 2nd one in a few weeks but even then it won't be enough. I have no idea how I am going to even get someplace for the 3 kids and I to stay that I can afford. I also can't go out and get a job.....I have been on disability for almost 8 years.

Would love some input and advice please.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

You have to stop thinking about your husband right now...
There is nothing you can do to stop for whatever his doing right now behind your back...
I don't know what he is going through...but to me he is kinda looking for something he can't get at home(im sorry)but i understand also how you feel being exhausted at home with kids.
That's just one of the biggest mistake i had with my marriage(now were separated).
The really best advice is to work on yourself..
Plan for yourself
You have to make sure your body is healthy and so is your mind
Have a rest and stop worrying(worrying doesn't do any inch of help)it will just put you down and will not make you think any good.
You have not said any further explanation about your disablity(IDK,whatever it is)
If you have family near...
You can always ask them help looking after your kids to have a break for yourself.
Take a walk
Take a deep breathe
So you can think clear
and also you can see anyone you can trust to talk your problem through.
Your kids are a bit grown up....
I guess they gonna be ok with themselves...(there is one that is 3)try takin to playgroup if you have one near...
You have to think of yourself...
You have to stop focusing on your pain...Start planning discreetly,or start asking about your situation...what you can do,financially if things get worse plan ahead(keep it to your self and to the people you can trust)
Stop saying you can't do anything.....Start saying there must be a way...
Stay positive for yourself...
Read good books about marriage downfall...on your own
it will give you lots lots of idea and explanation about what you and husband is going through...
You can still prevent this while his still around...
Prevention is still better than cure...
Stay focus and strong...so can get through all this
And very important pray for strenght and guidance(if you are a believer)...
Stay in here in TAM(talk about marriage)

Be Strong and never let the worry get you down...
Life and our Time is the only thing we have on Earth 
that no money can buy...
so do what you think that will make you happy....


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## AloneandConfused (Nov 7, 2011)

Thanks for your response.

It has been a rough few days. My husband still isn't staying at home so basically even though he says he is moving out after the holidays, he has really already checked out on us. He came home for about 2 hours last night but after the kids went to bed, he left and did not return.

I tried to talk with him but all is says is that he is tired of feeling miserable. Nothing else so when people ask me questions, I have no answers on as "why". 

It is so frustrating trying to find out what steps I need to take etc and trying to do all this alone without the kids knowing anything.

As far as my disability, I have very brittle Type 1 Diabetes. When I was working, I would get sick a lot and was admitted into the hospital a lot. Since going on disability, I have only been in the hospital once for my diabetes and that was right after I had my last child and got the IUD. 

It is hard to try to just focus on the kids and I when he is briefly coming home and then leaving and that is hard because he leaves right at bedtime when I have time to lay and think so I have had some sleepless, crying nights. It is so physically and emotionally draining and hard to carry on with other every day things I have to do.

I have no idea if there is someone else or not but I am "guessing" that with his behavior that there is. I have no idea where he is staying while not at home....there are bank card transactions for restaurants at 1:50am in another town about an hour away etc.

I am trying to take things day by day but it hasn't been easy at all.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

A&C, just know it is not you, it is nothing you can do, save yourself for the fight to move forward. My H did the same thing, all he would say is I'm not happy...and I would be like WTH does that mean? He could never answer, because there was no answer. He had to do him and that is that. Now is the time for you to make things better for you. Know that all answers for your future will come from you. Don't depend on him to answer anything for you.


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