# My Sick Wife’s Health Isn’t Improving; She is Miserable and Has Now Emotionally Cheated



## RSDJ563 (22 d ago)

My wife has been battling awful, mysterious gastrointestinal issues for about 13 months. Although we’re working with renowned specialists, there seems to be no improvement in sight. She can work and somewhat function but deals with intermittent burning, pain, acid, and overall discomfort on a daily basis. This has made her absolutely miserable as it’s greatly impacted all areas of her life (especially social life since she can’t eat or drink most things).

I have tried to be a doting husband and she long referred to me as a “perfect” partner, and her “rock.” As her illness has progressed, she has become suspicious of our life together as we’re endured some tough occupational hardships, an abortion, and other life challenges in recent years. Despite her suspicions of our life being the cause of her sickness, I believe the primary catalyst was environmental toxins as she tested positive for mold. Upon testing our home, it turns out there was, in fact, a mold issue which we have since remediated.

Although I still stand by her side, in recent weeks she has started to discuss feeling as though she missed out on life opportunities such as dating, travel, etc. For additional context, I am only her second major life partner as she had one long-term boyfriend before marrying me. As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house. This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.

Since becoming ill, she has thrown around phrases like “feeling trapped” and “there’s something missing.” I love my wife more than anything and want to return to our former state before the illness and other life troubles. I realize that without her illness improving, that’s rather impossible, but, I’d like to find a way to address her confused, diminishing feelings for me stemming from suspicion that our life together is not feasible as a result of repeated hardship.

Please help! Sorry for the very long read.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

OP, spend some time on here and other sites that deal with infidelity and do your research about what “works” and what doesn’t for people who are in your position. Others will be along who will give you great advice, but I can tell you that you do not want to do the “pick me dance“ with her. It seems counterintuitive, but your best chance to save your relationship is likely to play hardball with her. It does you NO GOOD to stand by while she develops a relationship with this coworker, and perhaps takes it physical. That will be 1000x harder for you, and your relationship, to overcome if it gets to that point.

So tell her you are done with this trial separation, or whatever it is. She moves back in immediately. She puts her wedding rings back on immediately. You will both commit to work on and save your marriage with IC and MC, OR the alternative is you will move forward with filing for divorce. You also need to figure out how to get her away from this coworker, but you can deal with that after the above. That’s it.

There are no time-outs in a marriage. She can’t just decide to pause your marriage, take her rings off, stay with her mom and take other men for test drives. It doesn’t work that way. Stand up for yourself and your marriage, and tell her to knock off this stupid **** right now. 

You can do this! Do not wait for her to dig the hole so deep that your marriage can’t climb out. It likely won’t take too many more meetings with this other man for that to happen. Do not wait.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Listen dude, whether you like to hear it or not, here it comes. Basically, you are a man that is using the word "love" to justify acting like a complete wuss, letting your wife to up one on you, and all because you are so in fear that you can't see the forest for the trees. The fact that you love her so much, got nothing to do with your issue at hand. The issue at hand is that you are making yourself appear less than a man to your wife as the others she's interreacting with because they are coming as more manly than you. Women don't like weak men, they are attracted to strong, confident, go getters, that have strong boundaries, and don't take **** from any woman. This is a strong contrast to your "pick me" dance, that's pathetic.

You must be willing to lose the marriage if you want any shot at keeping it (at this stage I can't think why you would want that). This separation business ******** on average is for your partner to check if the grass is greener on the other side, and that's why it normally leads to divorce.

Me, if I were you, I would serve her with divorce papers, if that doesn't shock her back into the relationship, then my friend you got your answer. Stop wasting your time like a little supplicant. Show her that you can't be trifle with. Dude, DO IT.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say

The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.

your wife spent 12 hours with her new partner 

this is not limited to emotional relationship, they must have bent the laws of physics

Waiting for your wife to come back from here would be a dream.

It would be a bigger dream to think that you would be happy even if your wife came back.

see a lawyer, start therapy


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

bygone said:


> When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say
> 
> The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.
> 
> ...


Bygone, you need to stop doing this. Your responses to this OP and others are completely out of left field, and are not based on any facts presented by the OP. Therefor your posts are extremely unhelpful.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Rob_1 said:


> Listen dude, whether you like to hear it or not, here it comes. Basically, you are a man that is using the word "love" to justify acting like a complete wuss, letting your wife to up one on you, and all because you are so in fear that you can't see the forest for the trees. The fact that you love her so much, got nothing to do with your issue at hand. The issue at hand is that you are making yourself appear less than a man to your wife as the others she's interreacting with because they are coming as more manly than you. Women don't like weak men, they are attracted to strong, confident, go getters, that have strong boundaries, and don't take **** from any woman. This is a strong contrast to your "pick me" dance, that's pathetic.
> 
> You must be willing to lose the marriage if you want any shot at keeping it (at this stage I can't think why you would want that). This separation business ****** on average is for your partner to check if the grass is greener on the other side, and that's why it normally leads to divorce.
> 
> Me, if I were you, I would serve her with divorce papers, if that doesn't shock her back into the relationship, then my friend you got your answer. Stop wasting your time like a little supplicant. Show her that you can't be trifle with. Dude, DO IT.


This. 

How entitled and selfish to think a man should stay in a marriage with her after saying and doing such things. 

It's over, and I cannot fathom why you want to stay with someone with such little regard and respect for both the relationship and for you personally.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Exit37 said:


> Bygone, you need to stop doing this. Your responses to this OP and others are completely out of left field, and are not based on any facts presented by the OP. Therefor your posts are extremely unhelpful.


In every article I say that what I write is what I have in mind.

if you check the threads i wrote these posts you will find the same pattern

The chance of saving the marriage is very limited, many factors such as the wishes of the spouses, sincerity, love, respect, regret, empathy should be evaluated.

Even then, the psychological traumas left by relationships will continue for years.

There is nothing in this article to think about staying in marriage.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

‘She has become suspicious’ of your life together???

Has she been specific as to what this means? What were her actual suspicions, given she formerly called you ‘her rock’. 

Any medications that may have altered her personality? 

Either way, she seems pretty keen on this coworker, and if she’s taking about the universe and signs and so on, it doesn’t sound good. 

So the specific thing I am hearing from what she’s saying, is that she’s head over heels in love. 

I recommend not trying to fix this, you don’t want to share a pillow with someone who is dreaming about someone else. 

Sorry you’re in this situation, it seems common with both men and women that Heath issues can make them suddenly decide their spouse is to blame. 

It doesn’t always come from a place of stability (depending on age). How old is she and do you both have kids? Women’s crises seem to happen in their 30s, men start to act up late 30s to 50s. 

What was the reason for the abortion?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

A major red flag I noticed is her pride in not liking people. Can’t get along with other women, right? She’s superior to everyone? 

I know you say you love her, but look through the fog and really, really analyse what she brought to your marriage. (I think the affair is just the tip of her issues). 

Who has been lifting the weight during the marriage, and can you recall any stomach issues of your own when you were dating. I’m talking about your own gut feelings.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

RSDJ563 said:


> My wife has been battling awful, mysterious gastrointestinal issues for about 13 months. Although we’re working with renowned specialists, there seems to be no improvement in sight. She can work and somewhat function but deals with intermittent burning, pain, acid, and overall discomfort on a daily basis. This has made her absolutely miserable as it’s greatly impacted all areas of her life (especially social life since she can’t eat or drink most things).
> 
> I have tried to be a doting husband and she long referred to me as a “perfect” partner, and her “rock.” As her illness has progressed, she has become suspicious of our life together as we’re endured some tough occupational hardships, an abortion, and other life challenges in recent years. Despite her suspicions of our life being the cause of her sickness, I believe the primary catalyst was environmental toxins as she tested positive for mold. Upon testing our home, it turns out there was, in fact, a mold issue which we have since remediated.
> 
> ...


@RSDJ563 I think you need to adjust your timing a bit.
The words you describe of your wife feeling “left out” or “missed opportunities”... That was the beginning of the emotional affair. EA’s cause a spouse to see all of the worst in the other spouse, and even talk about how bad things have been “forver”.

The separation was a chance to explore her new lover without limits. So you talk about those 12 hours like it was pivotal, but I tell you the pivot was way before that 12 hours with her guy. And odds are very high that her affairs is now a physical one since she has the opportunity and (apparently) desire.

What to do about it remains your choice, but all the voices here are giving you the best advice. See a lawyer immediately. When you file for divorce you _might_ start to learn the truth about how your wife sees you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bygone said:


> When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say
> 
> The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.
> 
> ...


He never said his wife was living with a lover. He said she was living with her mother.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> He never said his wife was living with a lover. He said she was living with her mother.


As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house. 

This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.

What different meaning can you derive from this article?

The rings are out, her mother knows, isn't it written that she's interested in another man?


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

OP, read this and let it sink in:

Just Let Them Go

This is your only way forward. I am sorry friend but once a woman initiates separation to "find herself" she is already done with the marriage. She already shed her tears for you and she no longer loves you. I am sorry but that is the truth you must now absorb. You are now in the catch-up phase, where you must now mourn the loss of what was and begin working towards what will be. 

As angry and hurt as you are, do not argue with her. Detach. Tell her that you are moving on and that she is free to also, and that you love her enough to let her go. 

▪Freeze all joint bank accounts and lines of credit. 

▪Visit three to four lawyers for consults and see what your options are in divorce. 

▪Arm yourself with information. Read up on infidelity. Educating yourself will do wonders in helping you focus your emotions to navigate yourself out of this morass. 

▪ Inform friends and family that your wife has left the marriage and is seeing a new man. 

▪DO NOT let her drag your good name through the mud. Do not hesitate to defend your good name in case she decides to smear you to others.

▪Keep her on your insurance, keep paying the bills and mortgage, but do not give her one more cent of your money. 

▪Open up a new checking account in your name only and funnel the money into that account so she cannot access it. 

▪Get yourself into individual counseling with a therapist who specializes in infidelity and grief management.

▪See a doctor and get a full medical panel done. Hit the gym and start exercising. If you need help with sleep loss or anxiety, comnsult your doctor and tell him/her what is happening.

▪ Never threaten. If you tell her you are going to do something then do it. Mean what you say and say what you mean and never back down once you have taken a decisive action. 

▪ She is in the affair fog. The feel good chemicals swishing through her brain are literally changing her personality. Yes, serotonin and dopamine will literally change a person's personality, and that is one reason why she is acting like a completely different woman than the one you loved and married... because she is a different person now. 

▪ Block out all people who take her side. Excise them from your life. They are not your friends and they do not care about you. 

▪ Cheaters lie. That is what they do. They lie to you and they lie to themselves. She will literally re-write the history of your relationship to paint you as a controlling, callouys monster who held her back and exploited her. When she opens her mouth, just assume she is lying. Your wife is your enemy now. 

▪Most of all, always trust your gut instinct. The first instinct that hits you is almost always correct. Trust your gut. 

Godspeed. I'm so sorry you are going through this.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

100% the trial separation was a test run. Don't know if they lived together though.

For some reason the abortion sticks out for me. What's the deal with that?


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

OP I also recommend you have MattMatt move this thread to the Coping With Infidelity forum. You will get a lot more help and information there.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

bygone said:


> As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house.
> 
> This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.
> 
> ...


I would hope that the OP could utilize his mother in law as an allie to help keep his wife on the "straight and narrow" during the "trial separation." Sitting down with the MIL and telling her that since she was probably at the wedding, he expects her to remind her daughter that she is still a married woman and if she can't do that then the MIL-SonIL relationship is going to be very strained should they not divorce.

Yes the MIL will stick up for her daughter, but the MIL will understand that world of hurt her daughter could be headed for based on her greater life experience.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Trial separations are just a passive way of saying "I want a divorce" without the resulting confrontation or having to witness you being hurt. She wants a divorce, but she just doesn't know how to tell you. Or worse, she is test-driving being single again while keeping you on the hook in case she decides being with you is better than being alone. It's a terrible way to treat a spouse, which means that she no longer loves you. Which means there's no point staying married to her.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> I would hope that the OP could utilize his mother in law as an allie to help keep his wife on the "straight and narrow" during the "trial separation." Sitting down with the MIL and telling her that since she was probably at the wedding, he expects her to remind her daughter that she is still a married woman and if she can't do that then the MIL-SonIL relationship is going to be very strained should they not divorce.
> 
> Yes the MIL will stick up for her daughter, but the MIL will understand that world of hurt her daughter could be headed for based on her greater life experience.


She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. 

I'm commenting on what's written,

he explained that his wife and man are in a relationship and that his wife will not be this close to anyone in a short time, so the relationship must have been going on for a while.

His wife didn't suddenly decide to leave the house and take off the rings, she intended to live the relationship openly known to her mother and social circle.

If updates come, these issues will become clear.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Is there a reason why you left the main topic and questioned what I wrote?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

bygone said:


> The rings are out, her mother knows, isn't it written that she's interested in another man?



Yes, it's written, but is not a fact (to OP), although it can certainly be true, as usually is in these cases. My advice is to verify. In this case I would tell OP that it doesn't matter anymore. He should just go straight ahead with a divorce.


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## RSDJ563 (22 d ago)

My wife has been battling awful, mysterious gastrointestinal issues for about 13 months. Although we’re working with renowned specialists, there seems to be no improvement in sight. She can work and somewhat function but deals with intermittent burning, pain, acid, and overall discomfort on a daily basis. This has made her absolutely miserable as it’s greatly impacted all areas of her life (especially social life since she can’t eat or drink most things).

I have tried to be a doting husband and she long referred to me as a “perfect” partner, and her “rock.” As her illness has progressed, she has become suspicious of our life together as we’re endured some tough occupational hardships, an abortion, and other life challenges in recent years. Despite her suspicions of our life being the cause of her sickness, I believe the primary catalyst was environmental toxins as she tested positive for mold. Upon testing our home, it turns out there was, in fact, a mold issue which we have since remediated.

Although I still stand by her side, in recent weeks she has started to discuss feeling as though she missed out on life opportunities such as dating, travel, etc. For additional context, I am only her second major life partner as she had one long-term boyfriend before marrying me. As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house. This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.

Since becoming ill, she has thrown around phrases like “feeling trapped” and “there’s something missing.” I love my wife more than anything and want to return to our former state before the illness and other life troubles. I realize that without her illness improving, that’s rather impossible, but, I’d like to find a way to address her confused, diminishing feelings for me stemming from suspicion that our life together is not feasible as a result of repeated hardship.

Please help! Sorry for the very long read.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

OP, spend some time on here and other sites that deal with infidelity and do your research about what “works” and what doesn’t for people who are in your position. Others will be along who will give you great advice, but I can tell you that you do not want to do the “pick me dance“ with her. It seems counterintuitive, but your best chance to save your relationship is likely to play hardball with her. It does you NO GOOD to stand by while she develops a relationship with this coworker, and perhaps takes it physical. That will be 1000x harder for you, and your relationship, to overcome if it gets to that point.

So tell her you are done with this trial separation, or whatever it is. She moves back in immediately. She puts her wedding rings back on immediately. You will both commit to work on and save your marriage with IC and MC, OR the alternative is you will move forward with filing for divorce. You also need to figure out how to get her away from this coworker, but you can deal with that after the above. That’s it.

There are no time-outs in a marriage. She can’t just decide to pause your marriage, take her rings off, stay with her mom and take other men for test drives. It doesn’t work that way. Stand up for yourself and your marriage, and tell her to knock off this stupid **** right now. 

You can do this! Do not wait for her to dig the hole so deep that your marriage can’t climb out. It likely won’t take too many more meetings with this other man for that to happen. Do not wait.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Listen dude, whether you like to hear it or not, here it comes. Basically, you are a man that is using the word "love" to justify acting like a complete wuss, letting your wife to up one on you, and all because you are so in fear that you can't see the forest for the trees. The fact that you love her so much, got nothing to do with your issue at hand. The issue at hand is that you are making yourself appear less than a man to your wife as the others she's interreacting with because they are coming as more manly than you. Women don't like weak men, they are attracted to strong, confident, go getters, that have strong boundaries, and don't take **** from any woman. This is a strong contrast to your "pick me" dance, that's pathetic.

You must be willing to lose the marriage if you want any shot at keeping it (at this stage I can't think why you would want that). This separation business ******** on average is for your partner to check if the grass is greener on the other side, and that's why it normally leads to divorce.

Me, if I were you, I would serve her with divorce papers, if that doesn't shock her back into the relationship, then my friend you got your answer. Stop wasting your time like a little supplicant. Show her that you can't be trifle with. Dude, DO IT.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say

The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.

your wife spent 12 hours with her new partner 

this is not limited to emotional relationship, they must have bent the laws of physics

Waiting for your wife to come back from here would be a dream.

It would be a bigger dream to think that you would be happy even if your wife came back.

see a lawyer, start therapy


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

bygone said:


> When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say
> 
> The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.
> 
> ...


Bygone, you need to stop doing this. Your responses to this OP and others are completely out of left field, and are not based on any facts presented by the OP. Therefor your posts are extremely unhelpful.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Rob_1 said:


> Listen dude, whether you like to hear it or not, here it comes. Basically, you are a man that is using the word "love" to justify acting like a complete wuss, letting your wife to up one on you, and all because you are so in fear that you can't see the forest for the trees. The fact that you love her so much, got nothing to do with your issue at hand. The issue at hand is that you are making yourself appear less than a man to your wife as the others she's interreacting with because they are coming as more manly than you. Women don't like weak men, they are attracted to strong, confident, go getters, that have strong boundaries, and don't take **** from any woman. This is a strong contrast to your "pick me" dance, that's pathetic.
> 
> You must be willing to lose the marriage if you want any shot at keeping it (at this stage I can't think why you would want that). This separation business ****** on average is for your partner to check if the grass is greener on the other side, and that's why it normally leads to divorce.
> 
> Me, if I were you, I would serve her with divorce papers, if that doesn't shock her back into the relationship, then my friend you got your answer. Stop wasting your time like a little supplicant. Show her that you can't be trifle with. Dude, DO IT.


This. 

How entitled and selfish to think a man should stay in a marriage with her after saying and doing such things. 

It's over, and I cannot fathom why you want to stay with someone with such little regard and respect for both the relationship and for you personally.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Exit37 said:


> Bygone, you need to stop doing this. Your responses to this OP and others are completely out of left field, and are not based on any facts presented by the OP. Therefor your posts are extremely unhelpful.


In every article I say that what I write is what I have in mind.

if you check the threads i wrote these posts you will find the same pattern

The chance of saving the marriage is very limited, many factors such as the wishes of the spouses, sincerity, love, respect, regret, empathy should be evaluated.

Even then, the psychological traumas left by relationships will continue for years.

There is nothing in this article to think about staying in marriage.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

‘She has become suspicious’ of your life together???

Has she been specific as to what this means? What were her actual suspicions, given she formerly called you ‘her rock’. 

Any medications that may have altered her personality? 

Either way, she seems pretty keen on this coworker, and if she’s taking about the universe and signs and so on, it doesn’t sound good. 

So the specific thing I am hearing from what she’s saying, is that she’s head over heels in love. 

I recommend not trying to fix this, you don’t want to share a pillow with someone who is dreaming about someone else. 

Sorry you’re in this situation, it seems common with both men and women that Heath issues can make them suddenly decide their spouse is to blame. 

It doesn’t always come from a place of stability (depending on age). How old is she and do you both have kids? Women’s crises seem to happen in their 30s, men start to act up late 30s to 50s. 

What was the reason for the abortion?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

A major red flag I noticed is her pride in not liking people. Can’t get along with other women, right? She’s superior to everyone? 

I know you say you love her, but look through the fog and really, really analyse what she brought to your marriage. (I think the affair is just the tip of her issues). 

Who has been lifting the weight during the marriage, and can you recall any stomach issues of your own when you were dating. I’m talking about your own gut feelings.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

RSDJ563 said:


> My wife has been battling awful, mysterious gastrointestinal issues for about 13 months. Although we’re working with renowned specialists, there seems to be no improvement in sight. She can work and somewhat function but deals with intermittent burning, pain, acid, and overall discomfort on a daily basis. This has made her absolutely miserable as it’s greatly impacted all areas of her life (especially social life since she can’t eat or drink most things).
> 
> I have tried to be a doting husband and she long referred to me as a “perfect” partner, and her “rock.” As her illness has progressed, she has become suspicious of our life together as we’re endured some tough occupational hardships, an abortion, and other life challenges in recent years. Despite her suspicions of our life being the cause of her sickness, I believe the primary catalyst was environmental toxins as she tested positive for mold. Upon testing our home, it turns out there was, in fact, a mold issue which we have since remediated.
> 
> ...


@RSDJ563 I think you need to adjust your timing a bit.
The words you describe of your wife feeling “left out” or “missed opportunities”... That was the beginning of the emotional affair. EA’s cause a spouse to see all of the worst in the other spouse, and even talk about how bad things have been “forver”.

The separation was a chance to explore her new lover without limits. So you talk about those 12 hours like it was pivotal, but I tell you the pivot was way before that 12 hours with her guy. And odds are very high that her affairs is now a physical one since she has the opportunity and (apparently) desire.

What to do about it remains your choice, but all the voices here are giving you the best advice. See a lawyer immediately. When you file for divorce you _might_ start to learn the truth about how your wife sees you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bygone said:


> When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say
> 
> The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.
> 
> ...


He never said his wife was living with a lover. He said she was living with her mother.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> He never said his wife was living with a lover. He said she was living with her mother.


As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house. 

This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.

What different meaning can you derive from this article?

The rings are out, her mother knows, isn't it written that she's interested in another man?


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

OP, read this and let it sink in:

Just Let Them Go

This is your only way forward. I am sorry friend but once a woman initiates separation to "find herself" she is already done with the marriage. She already shed her tears for you and she no longer loves you. I am sorry but that is the truth you must now absorb. You are now in the catch-up phase, where you must now mourn the loss of what was and begin working towards what will be. 

As angry and hurt as you are, do not argue with her. Detach. Tell her that you are moving on and that she is free to also, and that you love her enough to let her go. 

▪Freeze all joint bank accounts and lines of credit. 

▪Visit three to four lawyers for consults and see what your options are in divorce. 

▪Arm yourself with information. Read up on infidelity. Educating yourself will do wonders in helping you focus your emotions to navigate yourself out of this morass. 

▪ Inform friends and family that your wife has left the marriage and is seeing a new man. 

▪DO NOT let her drag your good name through the mud. Do not hesitate to defend your good name in case she decides to smear you to others.

▪Keep her on your insurance, keep paying the bills and mortgage, but do not give her one more cent of your money. 

▪Open up a new checking account in your name only and funnel the money into that account so she cannot access it. 

▪Get yourself into individual counseling with a therapist who specializes in infidelity and grief management.

▪See a doctor and get a full medical panel done. Hit the gym and start exercising. If you need help with sleep loss or anxiety, comnsult your doctor and tell him/her what is happening.

▪ Never threaten. If you tell her you are going to do something then do it. Mean what you say and say what you mean and never back down once you have taken a decisive action. 

▪ She is in the affair fog. The feel good chemicals swishing through her brain are literally changing her personality. Yes, serotonin and dopamine will literally change a person's personality, and that is one reason why she is acting like a completely different woman than the one you loved and married... because she is a different person now. 

▪ Block out all people who take her side. Excise them from your life. They are not your friends and they do not care about you. 

▪ Cheaters lie. That is what they do. They lie to you and they lie to themselves. She will literally re-write the history of your relationship to paint you as a controlling, callouys monster who held her back and exploited her. When she opens her mouth, just assume she is lying. Your wife is your enemy now. 

▪Most of all, always trust your gut instinct. The first instinct that hits you is almost always correct. Trust your gut. 

Godspeed. I'm so sorry you are going through this.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

100% the trial separation was a test run. Don't know if they lived together though.

For some reason the abortion sticks out for me. What's the deal with that?


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

OP I also recommend you have MattMatt move this thread to the Coping With Infidelity forum. You will get a lot more help and information there.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

bygone said:


> As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house.
> 
> This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.
> 
> ...


I would hope that the OP could utilize his mother in law as an allie to help keep his wife on the "straight and narrow" during the "trial separation." Sitting down with the MIL and telling her that since she was probably at the wedding, he expects her to remind her daughter that she is still a married woman and if she can't do that then the MIL-SonIL relationship is going to be very strained should they not divorce.

Yes the MIL will stick up for her daughter, but the MIL will understand that world of hurt her daughter could be headed for based on her greater life experience.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Trial separations are just a passive way of saying "I want a divorce" without the resulting confrontation or having to witness you being hurt. She wants a divorce, but she just doesn't know how to tell you. Or worse, she is test-driving being single again while keeping you on the hook in case she decides being with you is better than being alone. It's a terrible way to treat a spouse, which means that she no longer loves you. Which means there's no point staying married to her.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> I would hope that the OP could utilize his mother in law as an allie to help keep his wife on the "straight and narrow" during the "trial separation." Sitting down with the MIL and telling her that since she was probably at the wedding, he expects her to remind her daughter that she is still a married woman and if she can't do that then the MIL-SonIL relationship is going to be very strained should they not divorce.
> 
> Yes the MIL will stick up for her daughter, but the MIL will understand that world of hurt her daughter could be headed for based on her greater life experience.


She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. 

I'm commenting on what's written,

he explained that his wife and man are in a relationship and that his wife will not be this close to anyone in a short time, so the relationship must have been going on for a while.

His wife didn't suddenly decide to leave the house and take off the rings, she intended to live the relationship openly known to her mother and social circle.

If updates come, these issues will become clear.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Is there a reason why you left the main topic and questioned what I wrote?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

bygone said:


> The rings are out, her mother knows, isn't it written that she's interested in another man?



Yes, it's written, but is not a fact (to OP), although it can certainly be true, as usually is in these cases. My advice is to verify. In this case I would tell OP that it doesn't matter anymore. He should just go straight ahead with a divorce.


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## RSDJ563 (22 d ago)

My wife has been battling awful, mysterious gastrointestinal issues for about 13 months. Although we’re working with renowned specialists, there seems to be no improvement in sight. She can work and somewhat function but deals with intermittent burning, pain, acid, and overall discomfort on a daily basis. This has made her absolutely miserable as it’s greatly impacted all areas of her life (especially social life since she can’t eat or drink most things).

I have tried to be a doting husband and she long referred to me as a “perfect” partner, and her “rock.” As her illness has progressed, she has become suspicious of our life together as we’re endured some tough occupational hardships, an abortion, and other life challenges in recent years. Despite her suspicions of our life being the cause of her sickness, I believe the primary catalyst was environmental toxins as she tested positive for mold. Upon testing our home, it turns out there was, in fact, a mold issue which we have since remediated.

Although I still stand by her side, in recent weeks she has started to discuss feeling as though she missed out on life opportunities such as dating, travel, etc. For additional context, I am only her second major life partner as she had one long-term boyfriend before marrying me. As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house. This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.

Since becoming ill, she has thrown around phrases like “feeling trapped” and “there’s something missing.” I love my wife more than anything and want to return to our former state before the illness and other life troubles. I realize that without her illness improving, that’s rather impossible, but, I’d like to find a way to address her confused, diminishing feelings for me stemming from suspicion that our life together is not feasible as a result of repeated hardship.

Please help! Sorry for the very long read.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

OP, spend some time on here and other sites that deal with infidelity and do your research about what “works” and what doesn’t for people who are in your position. Others will be along who will give you great advice, but I can tell you that you do not want to do the “pick me dance“ with her. It seems counterintuitive, but your best chance to save your relationship is likely to play hardball with her. It does you NO GOOD to stand by while she develops a relationship with this coworker, and perhaps takes it physical. That will be 1000x harder for you, and your relationship, to overcome if it gets to that point.

So tell her you are done with this trial separation, or whatever it is. She moves back in immediately. She puts her wedding rings back on immediately. You will both commit to work on and save your marriage with IC and MC, OR the alternative is you will move forward with filing for divorce. You also need to figure out how to get her away from this coworker, but you can deal with that after the above. That’s it.

There are no time-outs in a marriage. She can’t just decide to pause your marriage, take her rings off, stay with her mom and take other men for test drives. It doesn’t work that way. Stand up for yourself and your marriage, and tell her to knock off this stupid **** right now. 

You can do this! Do not wait for her to dig the hole so deep that your marriage can’t climb out. It likely won’t take too many more meetings with this other man for that to happen. Do not wait.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Listen dude, whether you like to hear it or not, here it comes. Basically, you are a man that is using the word "love" to justify acting like a complete wuss, letting your wife to up one on you, and all because you are so in fear that you can't see the forest for the trees. The fact that you love her so much, got nothing to do with your issue at hand. The issue at hand is that you are making yourself appear less than a man to your wife as the others she's interreacting with because they are coming as more manly than you. Women don't like weak men, they are attracted to strong, confident, go getters, that have strong boundaries, and don't take **** from any woman. This is a strong contrast to your "pick me" dance, that's pathetic.

You must be willing to lose the marriage if you want any shot at keeping it (at this stage I can't think why you would want that). This separation business ******** on average is for your partner to check if the grass is greener on the other side, and that's why it normally leads to divorce.

Me, if I were you, I would serve her with divorce papers, if that doesn't shock her back into the relationship, then my friend you got your answer. Stop wasting your time like a little supplicant. Show her that you can't be trifle with. Dude, DO IT.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say

The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.

your wife spent 12 hours with her new partner 

this is not limited to emotional relationship, they must have bent the laws of physics

Waiting for your wife to come back from here would be a dream.

It would be a bigger dream to think that you would be happy even if your wife came back.

see a lawyer, start therapy


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

bygone said:


> When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say
> 
> The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.
> 
> ...


Bygone, you need to stop doing this. Your responses to this OP and others are completely out of left field, and are not based on any facts presented by the OP. Therefor your posts are extremely unhelpful.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Rob_1 said:


> Listen dude, whether you like to hear it or not, here it comes. Basically, you are a man that is using the word "love" to justify acting like a complete wuss, letting your wife to up one on you, and all because you are so in fear that you can't see the forest for the trees. The fact that you love her so much, got nothing to do with your issue at hand. The issue at hand is that you are making yourself appear less than a man to your wife as the others she's interreacting with because they are coming as more manly than you. Women don't like weak men, they are attracted to strong, confident, go getters, that have strong boundaries, and don't take **** from any woman. This is a strong contrast to your "pick me" dance, that's pathetic.
> 
> You must be willing to lose the marriage if you want any shot at keeping it (at this stage I can't think why you would want that). This separation business ****** on average is for your partner to check if the grass is greener on the other side, and that's why it normally leads to divorce.
> 
> Me, if I were you, I would serve her with divorce papers, if that doesn't shock her back into the relationship, then my friend you got your answer. Stop wasting your time like a little supplicant. Show her that you can't be trifle with. Dude, DO IT.


This. 

How entitled and selfish to think a man should stay in a marriage with her after saying and doing such things. 

It's over, and I cannot fathom why you want to stay with someone with such little regard and respect for both the relationship and for you personally.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Exit37 said:


> Bygone, you need to stop doing this. Your responses to this OP and others are completely out of left field, and are not based on any facts presented by the OP. Therefor your posts are extremely unhelpful.


In every article I say that what I write is what I have in mind.

if you check the threads i wrote these posts you will find the same pattern

The chance of saving the marriage is very limited, many factors such as the wishes of the spouses, sincerity, love, respect, regret, empathy should be evaluated.

Even then, the psychological traumas left by relationships will continue for years.

There is nothing in this article to think about staying in marriage.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

‘She has become suspicious’ of your life together???

Has she been specific as to what this means? What were her actual suspicions, given she formerly called you ‘her rock’. 

Any medications that may have altered her personality? 

Either way, she seems pretty keen on this coworker, and if she’s taking about the universe and signs and so on, it doesn’t sound good. 

So the specific thing I am hearing from what she’s saying, is that she’s head over heels in love. 

I recommend not trying to fix this, you don’t want to share a pillow with someone who is dreaming about someone else. 

Sorry you’re in this situation, it seems common with both men and women that Heath issues can make them suddenly decide their spouse is to blame. 

It doesn’t always come from a place of stability (depending on age). How old is she and do you both have kids? Women’s crises seem to happen in their 30s, men start to act up late 30s to 50s. 

What was the reason for the abortion?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

A major red flag I noticed is her pride in not liking people. Can’t get along with other women, right? She’s superior to everyone? 

I know you say you love her, but look through the fog and really, really analyse what she brought to your marriage. (I think the affair is just the tip of her issues). 

Who has been lifting the weight during the marriage, and can you recall any stomach issues of your own when you were dating. I’m talking about your own gut feelings.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

RSDJ563 said:


> My wife has been battling awful, mysterious gastrointestinal issues for about 13 months. Although we’re working with renowned specialists, there seems to be no improvement in sight. She can work and somewhat function but deals with intermittent burning, pain, acid, and overall discomfort on a daily basis. This has made her absolutely miserable as it’s greatly impacted all areas of her life (especially social life since she can’t eat or drink most things).
> 
> I have tried to be a doting husband and she long referred to me as a “perfect” partner, and her “rock.” As her illness has progressed, she has become suspicious of our life together as we’re endured some tough occupational hardships, an abortion, and other life challenges in recent years. Despite her suspicions of our life being the cause of her sickness, I believe the primary catalyst was environmental toxins as she tested positive for mold. Upon testing our home, it turns out there was, in fact, a mold issue which we have since remediated.
> 
> ...


@RSDJ563 I think you need to adjust your timing a bit.
The words you describe of your wife feeling “left out” or “missed opportunities”... That was the beginning of the emotional affair. EA’s cause a spouse to see all of the worst in the other spouse, and even talk about how bad things have been “forver”.

The separation was a chance to explore her new lover without limits. So you talk about those 12 hours like it was pivotal, but I tell you the pivot was way before that 12 hours with her guy. And odds are very high that her affairs is now a physical one since she has the opportunity and (apparently) desire.

What to do about it remains your choice, but all the voices here are giving you the best advice. See a lawyer immediately. When you file for divorce you _might_ start to learn the truth about how your wife sees you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bygone said:


> When your wife got out of the hospital, she left home and started living with her lover without hiding. her family is aware of the situation and supports the relationship, the rings were taken off the finger, it's a planned affair and it's been going on longer than you know I would say
> 
> The man must be a big fish, everyone is impressed by him.
> 
> ...


He never said his wife was living with a lover. He said she was living with her mother.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> He never said his wife was living with a lover. He said she was living with her mother.


As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house. 

This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.

What different meaning can you derive from this article?

The rings are out, her mother knows, isn't it written that she's interested in another man?


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

OP, read this and let it sink in:

Just Let Them Go

This is your only way forward. I am sorry friend but once a woman initiates separation to "find herself" she is already done with the marriage. She already shed her tears for you and she no longer loves you. I am sorry but that is the truth you must now absorb. You are now in the catch-up phase, where you must now mourn the loss of what was and begin working towards what will be. 

As angry and hurt as you are, do not argue with her. Detach. Tell her that you are moving on and that she is free to also, and that you love her enough to let her go. 

▪Freeze all joint bank accounts and lines of credit. 

▪Visit three to four lawyers for consults and see what your options are in divorce. 

▪Arm yourself with information. Read up on infidelity. Educating yourself will do wonders in helping you focus your emotions to navigate yourself out of this morass. 

▪ Inform friends and family that your wife has left the marriage and is seeing a new man. 

▪DO NOT let her drag your good name through the mud. Do not hesitate to defend your good name in case she decides to smear you to others.

▪Keep her on your insurance, keep paying the bills and mortgage, but do not give her one more cent of your money. 

▪Open up a new checking account in your name only and funnel the money into that account so she cannot access it. 

▪Get yourself into individual counseling with a therapist who specializes in infidelity and grief management.

▪See a doctor and get a full medical panel done. Hit the gym and start exercising. If you need help with sleep loss or anxiety, comnsult your doctor and tell him/her what is happening.

▪ Never threaten. If you tell her you are going to do something then do it. Mean what you say and say what you mean and never back down once you have taken a decisive action. 

▪ She is in the affair fog. The feel good chemicals swishing through her brain are literally changing her personality. Yes, serotonin and dopamine will literally change a person's personality, and that is one reason why she is acting like a completely different woman than the one you loved and married... because she is a different person now. 

▪ Block out all people who take her side. Excise them from your life. They are not your friends and they do not care about you. 

▪ Cheaters lie. That is what they do. They lie to you and they lie to themselves. She will literally re-write the history of your relationship to paint you as a controlling, callouys monster who held her back and exploited her. When she opens her mouth, just assume she is lying. Your wife is your enemy now. 

▪Most of all, always trust your gut instinct. The first instinct that hits you is almost always correct. Trust your gut. 

Godspeed. I'm so sorry you are going through this.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

100% the trial separation was a test run. Don't know if they lived together though.

For some reason the abortion sticks out for me. What's the deal with that?


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

OP I also recommend you have MattMatt move this thread to the Coping With Infidelity forum. You will get a lot more help and information there.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

bygone said:


> As such, she initiated a “trial separation” with removal of wedding rings while she stays at her mom’s house.
> 
> This has now culminated in an event which took place last weekend: she attended a work event and spent 12 hours with a male coworker, talking and confiding in him about a wide range of topics, including our marriage which has become dissatisfied/suspicious of. She has developed strong feelings for this coworker from this one day spent together. She assured me that although it was flirtatious, there was no physical contact which I 100% believe she is telling the truth. However, I am deeply hurt and threatened by this new connection. She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. She is also someone who frequently cites “universal influence” or thinks there is a grand purpose for almost all things - this included. She also says that during the entire time with this coworker, her symptoms were hardly existent (it must have been a significant distraction). I’m sure he’s a nice guy and provided great conversational venting (she said he had a uniquely calming energy) but I’m worried that she seems rather strongly impacted by the time they spent.
> 
> ...


I would hope that the OP could utilize his mother in law as an allie to help keep his wife on the "straight and narrow" during the "trial separation." Sitting down with the MIL and telling her that since she was probably at the wedding, he expects her to remind her daughter that she is still a married woman and if she can't do that then the MIL-SonIL relationship is going to be very strained should they not divorce.

Yes the MIL will stick up for her daughter, but the MIL will understand that world of hurt her daughter could be headed for based on her greater life experience.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Trial separations are just a passive way of saying "I want a divorce" without the resulting confrontation or having to witness you being hurt. She wants a divorce, but she just doesn't know how to tell you. Or worse, she is test-driving being single again while keeping you on the hook in case she decides being with you is better than being alone. It's a terrible way to treat a spouse, which means that she no longer loves you. Which means there's no point staying married to her.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> I would hope that the OP could utilize his mother in law as an allie to help keep his wife on the "straight and narrow" during the "trial separation." Sitting down with the MIL and telling her that since she was probably at the wedding, he expects her to remind her daughter that she is still a married woman and if she can't do that then the MIL-SonIL relationship is going to be very strained should they not divorce.
> 
> Yes the MIL will stick up for her daughter, but the MIL will understand that world of hurt her daughter could be headed for based on her greater life experience.


She prides herself on rarely “liking” people so she’s putting a lot of weight on this encounter. 

I'm commenting on what's written,

he explained that his wife and man are in a relationship and that his wife will not be this close to anyone in a short time, so the relationship must have been going on for a while.

His wife didn't suddenly decide to leave the house and take off the rings, she intended to live the relationship openly known to her mother and social circle.

If updates come, these issues will become clear.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Is there a reason why you left the main topic and questioned what I wrote?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

bygone said:


> The rings are out, her mother knows, isn't it written that she's interested in another man?



Yes, it's written, but is not a fact (to OP), although it can certainly be true, as usually is in these cases. My advice is to verify. In this case I would tell OP that it doesn't matter anymore. He should just go straight ahead with a divorce.


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