# To lawyer or not to lawyer. . .



## Ruthie57 (Mar 26, 2013)

So I've found myself popping back to this site over the past couple weeks and have decided to test the waters so to speak . . . here goes. . . 

I'll keep it short to start, but essentially 7 weeks ago my husband decided to be 'honest' with me and let me know all the things that bother him about me, all the things he wishes I would change, and essentially, all the reasons he no longer wants to be married.

After a couple weeks of rough conversation, we decided that we won't stay married and the most important things are trying to do what is best for our kids - two daughters, 3 and 6 and to maintain/preserve any sort of friendship. 

I am getting down to filing the paperwork for the big D, but worry that I am giving away the farm based on focusing on above mentioned 'most important things' or maybe getting side-swiped again but this time with a response and then court. 

So, for all you going through this, how did you a. decide it was the right time to get a lawyer, or have b. gone without one and had success so far? I am worried that lawyers will make it worse somehow (if that is even possible).


----------



## totamm (May 1, 2012)

Try mediation.

If you've got substantial assets don't go it alone.


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Does your H have a lawyer.

These things always start like this but don't end so amicable.

If your H has a Lawyer then you need a lawyer.

If you both go in together and hire a mediator then maybe different.


----------



## Ruthie57 (Mar 26, 2013)

Does mediation help figure out who deserves what in terms of legalities or is it based on some random person looking at our financial set up and cutting it in half? 

Adding another layer:
So he has two brothers, one of which practices family law. He said he is willing to take a look at our paperwork and be unbiased. Is that even possible? 

And his parents think I should move out of the house. . . leaving my kids. Why would they say that if he wasn't saying horrible things about me? They are super religious, and I don't go to church, have a full-time career, etc. They've always have been kind, but maybe that has changed. He said they just don't understand what is happening. Isn't that up to him to control? They are my kids grandparents afterall.

And, how do you keep the friends away that want to 'be there for you' even though you feel like maybe they are trying to position themselves for when you come out of this and start, ugh, dating - or even before that?


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Ruthie57 said:


> Does mediation help figure out who deserves what in terms of legalities or is it based on some random person looking at our financial set up and cutting it in half?
> 
> Adding another layer:
> So he has two brothers, one of which practices family law. He said he is willing to take a look at our paperwork and be unbiased. Is that even possible?
> ...


----------



## Ruthie57 (Mar 26, 2013)

Gutpunch, you make it all sound so simple. I also noticed that you have young kids (born the same years as mine). 

Any thoughts on which custody time is better - half weeks switching every other weekends (like I'd have them m - w, then father has then w - f and then every other weekend), or is every other week better to keep consistency? Some people talk about doing an every two week thing, but that seems like it would be unbearable. Maybe for older kids? 

Sheesh, I apparently have a lot of questions. I should have put this all in one starting post.


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

I am not a fan of the kids living
pillar to post when they are in school.

However, I do understand it's hard to get 
over 50% custody. 

I would read some children and divorce
books. My wife gave me custody.
Maybe someone else will come along
with some ideas.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## totamm (May 1, 2012)

Ruthie57 said:


> Does mediation help figure out who deserves what in terms of legalities or is it based on some random person looking at our financial set up and cutting it in half?


Mediation is based on skilled arbitrators who help guide both parties toward a reasonably fair settlement based on many factors that does not necessarily result in everything being split in half. 



Ruthie57 said:


> So he has two brothers, one of which practices family law. He said he is willing to take a look at our paperwork and be unbiased. Is that even possible?


Of course it's possible. It's also possible that his brother will be unfairly biased in favor of your husband. Is that really what you want? I sure as heck wouldn't. 



Ruthie57 said:


> And his parents think I should move out of the house. . . leaving my kids. Why would they say that if he wasn't saying horrible things about me?


Because they love their son more than they love you.



Ruthie57 said:


> And, how do you keep the friends away that want to 'be there for you' even though you feel like maybe they are trying to position themselves for when you come out of this and start, ugh, dating - or even before that?


Stun gun? Or maybe a cattle prod.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Male "friends", huh?

Was that part of the relationship issue?


----------

