# Wife now into porn?!



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Hey guys, it has been a while since I have posted. Things have been going absolutely awesome that last year or so. Our marriage went from completely sexless for several years to overdrive, thanks in large part to advice on this form. 

I wanted to get your input on something. My wife had always hated me looking at porn. I stopped looking at it for a while, even when she would not have sex with me. I thought she still does not want me too now, but things may have changed. 

-she has not brought it up in a while
-she has become a lot more open, sexual and confident over the past year; in fact she is getting her boobs done in a month (her idea)
-I know for a fact she is looking at porn an commenting online about how much it turns her on (she does not know I know this)
-she is REALY into erotic amateur fiction stories (Twilight Fan Fiction)

I would like to get this all out in the open so I don't feel guilty hiding when I look at porn and maybe we can look at it together. I don't want to spook her or stop her sexual growth either. 

What do you think of these developments?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Have you talked to her about it or were you snooping? Snooping can get you into trouble.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

She will not think I am snooping. She knows i follow her on Twitter and she probably reads my posts on here. 

We have not talked about it in much detail. What she reads is not a secret. She tells me the names of the stories and they have lots of very graphic and explicit sex scenes. She also mentioned the other day about a guy she tweets with that posted a picture of a "monster c**k" that was dwarfing a pringles can 

That said, I see her tweets online (they are public) she follows a lot of people that post up graphic porn pictures on tumblr. 

I also have been out with some of her good friends and all they talk about are these stories and the reason they read it for the sex and picturing Robert Pattensin ravishing his lover. 

We don't talk much about this but would like to share this sexual side of her more while not having to sneak around with my porn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

Why don't you bring it up. Ask her why she's into big ones and why they seem to be turning her on. Are you afraid of what she might say?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

That one picture was just an example. Most of the pictures are on the lighter side of porn, some artsy, some full on penetration clips from movies. I don't think she watches videos. I think the pictures give her something visual for when she reads. 

That said, I know she has traded at least a few pics of ...ehhheemm... above average sized members to her best friend. The same friend who she openly goes ga ga over a few actors with. I am cool with that but god forbid I do something similar. Maybe she has changed her views...

Here is a link to the pictures of the guy she follows on Twitter. The photos there are definately for adults only so don't click on it if you should not be looking at it:

http://cazzo-e-palle.tumblr.com/archive

(moderators feel free to remove the link if not appropriate)

If I bring it up, i fear she will say that I was snooping up on her on Twitter, she does not look at the pictures posted, that it is somehow different than the porn I like...basically deny it and turn it back on me. It could also make her feel guilty and slow her sexual growth. 

Or....she can just say, yeah I look at those pics and they turn me on. How she now understands why all these years i have enjoyed porn and hiw sorry she is for asking me not to look at it. That would ROCK! 

Just wanted to think about the bear traps when I bring it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

I think I am going to ease into it. Next time the topic comes up I will mention a few light porn things that I look at and see her reaction. Play it a little coy if she pushes back and ask her if she looks at porn. If she lies and says no, I'll push it a little more. Won't actually say I know for a fact she looks at porn a lot but...

Or maybe just ask her what her thoughts are on porn these days and just let her talk until she is done talking.

I'll get it out of her and hopefully she will be up for sharing, playing around with it and push some more sexual boundaries 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Dude, you have agood thing going there. If she is looking at porn, getting aroused by it, and getting in the mood more often, it just means that she really likes sex now and is exploring what she likes.

Most women who are open about sex and not just like it, enjoy porn to at least some degree. Keep up the good work, ask her why she likes it and then say that you enjoy her being open and liking it.

Do not hammer on the fact that she didn't like you watching it though, just check if she's cool with it now.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

hubby said:


> she has become a lot more open, sexual and confident over the past year; in fact she is getting her boobs done in a month (her idea)


Women don't usually get a boob job to impress the guy they are with, usually it's to attract attention of other men.

If you're on here again in six months talking about her having affair, I would be unsurprised.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Women don't usually get a boob job to impress the guy they are with, usually it's to attract attention of other men.
> 
> If you're on here again in six months talking about her having affair, I would be unsurprised.


:iagree: 

"She also mentioned the other day about a guy she tweets with that posted a picture of a "monster c**k" that was dwarfing a pringles can" 

So she is tweeting with some guy, I'm assuming its all about these graphic pics? Don't you think its odd she didn;t like you doing it, but now she is all into it? Why the change? Maybe the boobs she wants are for someone else.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

trey69 said:


> Don't you think its odd she didn;t like you doing it, but now she is all into it? Why the change?


I don't think this part is ODD, as I have lived this, used to despise porn, now I have more of a desire to watch it than him. But I do think it is ODD that she is not openly sharing this part of herself with her husband. Is she SHY, not the open talkative type? Sounds like she has no qualms talking about these things with others at all ! This is what seems troubling to me. 

As I changed from NUN to Nympho, my husband was surely clued in from day to day, heck hour to hour , with all of my thoughts, and me chasing him down. Sounds like you are not lacking any sex at all these day (which speaks alot), but somehow the deeper thoughts & feelings that she is experiencing that brought her to this place. 

Are you the type who even enjoys a bigger boob job ? You say she WANTS to do this. Is this to Please YOU, did she ask if you would like it beforehand somehow? Do you feel this is why she is going ahead or do you feel her mind is elsewhere. 

I can honestly say, when my sex drive exploded, so did my tendency to fantasize & wonder what it might be like with another. (I have only been with him). I never took that too far obviously, but being totally transparent & VERY VERY open with my husband surely helped ME keep it all at home, so we can openly explore all things I was thinking, feeling together.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Thanks for the feedback guys!

To answer a few questions:
-she brought up the boob job, me suggesting one would not have been good. That said, I told her I would be totally cool and excited if she did get one. She said she would not do if I did not want her to or if it would not turn me on more. Two other things she has done this year is lazered her hoo ha hair and got a small tat on her hip, both are things that really turned me on. I also let her go out with the girls a lot.

- I really don't think she is out looking for guys, although all the things I mention above may seem contradictory to that. I cheated on her once a few months after we started dating and that almost killed us. I have been earning back her trust ever sense. I think I almost have her complete trust now. She also does not have time for an EA or PA with the 3 kids and all the school activities. 

Back to the porn topic, I do need to bring it up and just talk it over. I need ti be careful if her thinking I am snooping around as she does not volunteer much info that she is looking at anything. I may also just be a little more free with what I look at, talk to her about some of the lighter stuff, not hide any evidence of what I look at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Simply, I am curious about your situation and how things change with you and your attitude towards porn. Tell me more...

Here is the history with my wife:
-don't think she had much or any exposure to porn before me
-we rented a few videos together when we were dating and actually had sex while watching a few. I think she realized she did not like it at some point and she stopped.
-over time while we were dating she expressed her dislike of it and asked that I refrain from looking at anything. I obliged, as the sex between us was great so I did not "need" it.
-over time the sex began to get worse until it basically stopped for 10+ years...all the while she cut me off of porn as well.
-I of course had to have some outlet and I would not cheat on her so I continued looking, but hiding it. I was busted quite a few times by her.
-Sex started coming back into our life about two years ago thanks to a combination of an ultimatum that I would leave if it did not and her getting back her sex drive (strangely enough due to the Twilight saga).
-I told her that I was going to look at porn from time to time and she said fine...but that she did not like it and it would not help our relationship. She busted my balls a few times about it...I eventually stopped looking after about two months...did not "need" it as sex was good again
-Sometime over the last 6 mos to a year my wife started looking at porn. She has been reading porn for over two years but she just recently started looking at it in the last year or so.

I am not sure what changed with her. How porn was degrading to women then it became something that turned her on and she could look past that or she could not rationalize porn. 

Simply, how did it happen with you...


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Hey there Star, remember you from when I first joined Hope all is well.

I think the boob job is 50/50, self image (from childbirth) and doing it for me.

I will have to work up to watching porn together. I don't think she has progressed to videos yet... think it is just pictures right now. I see it going down something like this:

DH - "Hey babe, want to look at some sexy pictures online?"
DW - "What do you mean 'sexy pictures,?"
DH - "You know...some pictures of couples getting it on..."
DW - "Why would I want to look at that? You know how I feel about porn."
DH - "Come on babe, you mean that looking at sexy pictures does not turn you on?"

this is where it takes one of two paths:
DW - "well...ummm...I guess it turns me on..."
DH - BIG SMILE

or....

DW - "Have you been looking at porn again... you said you would not. Please tell me you are not looking at that stuff again!"
DH - ***pounds head against the wall***


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

The right opportunity to bring up the topic will come soon. I'll keep you guys posted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

hubby said:


> Simply, I am curious about your situation and how things change with you and your attitude towards porn. Tell me more...


That is so funny that the Twilight saga brought it on for her! Women & our fasinations!! I could also name a certain actor that I was obsessed over for a time -ironically right before my sexual awakening. Guy of Gisborne from the British "Robin Hood" Series... Here









Well for me, I was too conservatively Christian back in the day, I was very inhibited, had a "sex is dirty" mindset on too many things (how women dressed, what we do in bed-oral, how we talk, etc) even though I found it extremely pleasuable. 

I remember having friends over once, not sure whose idea it was to put in a porn VHS, but I remember finding it repulsive, wrong, never cared to look upon something like that again. I think it had 3somes , more the hard core stuff. So a bad taste was put into my mouth from early on. I looked upon that as "PORN" not realizing , or considering , that it is NOT all like that! But more softer, more romantic types of porn exist. 

All that up close magnifying of our sexual organs is not generally exciting for women, better to leave some things to the imagination! I still feel this way to some degree, but much more so back then.

I have always, even then, enjoyed watching a sensual R rated Romantic Sex scene though, sometimes wanting to play it over & over, for the arousal factor, but used to feel "guilty" for enjoying such things. After all, we should only be aroused by our spouses!! This is WRONG, we are taught this countless times. In my church , just watching an R rated movie is sin. I felt guility just trying to "live" and breathe the majority of the time. It wasn't helping me that I wanted to "Please" God.


In a nut shell, I was sexually *repressed*. Supressing my own human desires to explore or open up -even more with my own husband! When someone believes something is WRONG in every way , shape & form, it has a way of blocking your mental abilities to see anything good in it. Whether that be Porn, oral sex, walking into a sexshop to spice it up, you name it.

My issues against porn were never that my husband abused it or was using it over me. For him, he felt that masterbating to it was like cheating, so he didn't do it . (I find that extreme). 

When us women do not enjoy looking at it ourselves, it is very difficult for us to understand or comprehend that our men WANT to do this. It screams " I am not enough" ! This hurts many women. I did not understand MEN. Testosterone seeks a little variety to look at. Normal. And if you add religion & morality to this, it screams even worse messages. I think I cried about it a few times. He used to sneak it in the early mornings before work. But you know what, I was NOT being a fun sexual partner, but acted more interested in my kids & books at the time, I also was not getting up to cook for him, doing my part as a loving wife. 

So was I all that wonderful back then, absolutely not. 

I don't mean for others to be offended by this, but it helped ME to loose some of my religion to open up more sexually. I studied much of the origins where I feel the Church went above & beyond to SHAME sex. Realized MAN did much of this. St Augustine specifically. 

So along with my more "open" mentality , also I had some hormonal changes that took place within to bring me to desiring watching naked bodies fusing together. It just started REALLY turning me on, and I LOVED it. So long as I had a partner to satisfy me. For one, I wanted to learn more positions, seeing how it is done is helpful ! Instructional videos have been a blessing. I was FINALLY allowing my mind to enjoy & experience these things I used to push down & feel were wrong. It is like the damm has been opened to all I have been missing sexually all of these years. 

Do you think this is what is happening with your wife as well ?? Wondering what her age is ?? 

I still want the softer more romantic stuff though, no 3somes, nothing disrespecful. I find it is not always easy renting -getting what I enjoy . Very hit & miss. He doesn't care to see the man at all, but he'll watch with me. If both partners enjoy it , I think that is the best of both worlds to enjoy it together! Gives us new ideas, then the 'Putting them into action & practice" , these are all ++++'s.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Let me also say one more thing, it will only help in any woman's plight to open up to porn to feel that her husband is NOT fantasizing about the women on the screen. 

I have found that my husband is more distracted if we keep it on - when getting down to business. I know it is ME that he wants, many times telling me this, so I have no jealousy at all about his looking and enjoying. 

If that is a concern for the wife in ANY WAY, I can see her problem with it.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Thanks for the insight SA! That is good to know. I do think my wife is going through the same awakening. She is 34. She was brought up in a very conservative home, however we are both pretty liberal. She also had an incident of abuse when she was younger. I think she is now finally healing from that and letting go. 

You are totally right about not fantasizing about the woman in the flics. In fact, I don't get too turned on unless there is a couple doing something together. 

I just need to help her get comfortable sharing her newfound sexuality with me. Maybe if she feels jealous about the woman in porn, she thinks I would be jealous of the men so she feels a little guilty. Nothing could be further from the truth. I even find some of the guys attractive...at least what they are doing to the girls...even though I don't roll that way 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

hubby said:


> I do think my wife is going through the same awakening. She is 34.


Good for you, she is still young. I was so busy having babies in my 30's (had 5 in that decade) I think this messed with my ability to slow down & enjoy the finer things in life. Didn't realize my Peak until 42 !


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Let's hope it's dirtier 40's and filty 50's
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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I do think its possible for people to all of a sudden start or stop liking something. However, I remember this guy I dated years ago. He loved country music, I wasn't a fan of it. However the more I was around him, the more I liked it, it kind of grew on me. Sometimes other people's influences can be a reason why someone all of a sudden starts or stop liking something as well. 

Could be another person that peaked her interest is the reason for her sudden interest in porn. Someone else may have helped to open the door of the porn world to her, because she is possibly getting something out of it and from the person that could be influncing her. Anyway, you might want to start tweeting about things of interest to her that she likes, erotic things, pics etc, so she can follow you on and not another man, after all you are husband and you be providing excitement for her not someone else.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

So that's what I need to do - flip the tables on the hubby!


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## DudleyD (Jan 25, 2011)

Star said:


> Yep something sure happens to us ladies when we reach our thirties, haha call it "dirty thirties" I've not really stopped since hitting it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife is well into her 30's and just not into it at all... I've even suggested seeing other people thinking maybe she's just bored of ME... 2 years ago started working out and I'm in fantastic shape now... still nothing... they say women peak in their 30's and guys do when they're like 17... but I'm way more obsessed with sex in my 30's than I ever was as a teenager. I think it's different for everyone... 

As for the OP - it's interesting to me that women aren't visually stimulated like men are but a lot of women I've known are extremely turned on by erotic stories... that's probably the reason Danielle Steele is so popular... all those romance novels. You're in a good place when you can watch porn with your wife and enjoy it together.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Yeah letting on that you were snoooping would be a bad move for her. 

Women are strange with porn. My wife hints arount too that she wants watch smome but, then when i bring it up she makes it like i am joking or knocks it down, even though i have indicated i think we should explore some together. 

She was the same way about using toys. She totally used one behind my back and denied it then finally admitted that she liked it. Perhaps deep down wives want us to see them as somewhat innocent...and we have to push them to get them to admit to us (even though they can do their girlfriends) that they are as much into this exporation stuff as we men are. 

OUt of the other side of my mouth i am still concernet about the sneaking part and that she is going out more...

Thanks for sharing...Keep us posted.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

I am going to take a subtle approach. I found a blog on the same site that she goes to (Tumblr) that is the same kind of artsy porn she is into. Actually, the blog is called "art or porn - you decide". I am going to email her a link to one of the pictures that is relatively benign and kind of cool (an x-Ray photo of someone giving some deep oral). We'll see where it goes from there...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Well I sent it to her tonight. She was out with the girls at dinner and I knew she would have a few drinks, so it was good timing. She called me and asked me a few questions, one of which was who's blog did I find the pic on. It ended with "I wish I could do that for you babe but you know my gag reflex." Funny, she thought I sent it asking her to try to deepth***ght. 

Point is I don't think she really had an issue with me looking at the pictures. We will sww if she has more to talk about when she gets home...

I'll let it simmer for a while and see if we can work up to looking together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Interesting. My wife is so sharp. She no longer allows her tweets to viewed publicly. Oh well, I am sure she thinks I know her secret now. I'll let her mull over the idea. She will eventually bring it up...should be interesting . I just hope she will one day share that side of her with me...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You just get her a glass of wine and put a reasonably tame porn DVD in and push play.

Everything else is your internal mind games and a turn off for her.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Yeah, sounds good, but this chick does not go for a bull in the china shop. She likes the suspense and build up...the subtleties...the details...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

hubby said:


> Yeah, sounds good, but this chick does not go for a bull in the china shop. She likes the suspense and build up...the subtleties...the details...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then just announce on Wednesday that on Saturday is porn and sex on the sofa night.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

OK, point taken. We'll get there. 

At least now I have some vindication that she agrees there is nothing wrong with porn and that a lot of good can come out of it when used appropriately. I am no longer going to hide the fact that I like it too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Update:

So broke the ice and brought up the porn topic again with DW last night. I actually started it by inviting her to participate in this forum and read through my threads if she wanted to. She politely declined as she thought reading them would do more harm than good. However, I do think she has read through a few of them already.

So on to the chat we had. 

-DW reiterated her position on me looking at porn: she is “OK” with me looking at it, she understands why I would want to, but none the less she can help but feel compared the girls and feels a little like she is not enough for me. I reassured her that she is the most beautiful, sexiest person in the world and that I only look at it when she is otherwise not “in the mood.” What really turns me on is what the couple is doing, that I sometimes find the men just as attractive as the women.

-She said that she thinks “porn” is when you read or look at something for the sole purpose of sexual excitement. That her stories are not really porn as she reads them for the plot and it just happens to have graphic depictions of hot sex. I can see where she is coming from.

-She said that she does not look at graphical porn; here is where I get a little frustrated. She tells me that she does not get turned on by “sex parts”. She said boobs are sexy, but not the schlong or hoo haa. She tells me this but I know that she looks at graphical porn and comments on all these parts to her friends on twitter. For example:

She has told me that she has traded a few picks of well endowed men with her friends. OK, maybe it is more for comical or shock value than actual sexual excitement, but doesn’t behavior indicate she is all good with the body parts?

She regularly looks at pictures from these sites (below), that I know of, there may be others. Aren’t these porn? If she is OK looking at these, why does she feel the way she does about me looking at it? Why won’t she admit it? 

Cazzo e Palle: Archive

Naughty Girls Are Best: Archive

A Captured Canvas...: Archive

Anyway, all I really want is her to be honest with me and tell me that she looks at this stuff. Heck, I am probably overreacting and maybe she just gets a non sexual kick out of these pics and stories. Maybe I just need to forget about it and go on my merry way, I mean our sex life is great now so I should have nothing to complain about, right? 

I just feel that maybe deep down she has a more sexual side that she is not sharing with me for some reason. I want her to be completely open with me about all her desires. Maybe she already is and I am just blowing smoke…I don’t know.

I am really thinking about calling her out directly on these sites. She may get defensive, say she just follows them on twitter because they are Twilight Fan Fiction authors, and then turn it on me for checking out her tweets online… but she knows I see her tweets…

Your thoughts?


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

hubby said:


> Update:
> 
> So broke the ice and brought up the porn topic again with DW last night. I actually started it by inviting her to participate in this forum and read through my threads if she wanted to. She politely declined as she thought reading them would do more harm than good. However, I do think she has read through a few of them already.
> 
> ...


I'd call her out, gently. It's clear she enjoys it. Why do women have such a hard time admitting that they enjoy erotica, of any sort? Or are unwilling to classify their erotic literature as such? "I read it for the plot" = "I read it for the articles" (Playboy). Plenty of books with plots, out there. Only a few have sex.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

hubby said:


> Update:
> 
> -DW reiterated her position on me looking at porn: she is “OK” with me looking at it, she understands why I would want to, but none the less she can help but feel compared the girls and feels a little like she is not enough for me.


Seems she is insecure about how you use porn. Might be a case of (don't know the exact English version) "ill doers are ill deemers" or just that she is insecure



> -She said that she thinks “porn” is when you read or look at something for the sole purpose of sexual excitement. That her stories are not really porn as she reads them for the plot and it just happens to have graphic depictions of hot sex. I can see where she is coming from.


Well, most erotic noves have stories around them. Generalized, women don't get hot by jumping directly into the sex bits, they need build up.



> -She said that she does not look at graphical porn; here is where I get a little frustrated. She tells me that she does not get turned on by “sex parts”. She said boobs are sexy, but not the schlong or hoo haa. She tells me this but I know that she looks at graphical porn and comments on all these parts to her friends on twitter. For example:
> 
> She has told me that she has traded a few picks of well endowed men with her friends. OK, maybe it is more for comical or shock value than actual sexual excitement, but doesn’t behavior indicate she is all good with the body parts?
> 
> She regularly looks at pictures from these sites (below), that I know of, there may be others. Aren’t these porn? If she is OK looking at these, why does she feel the way she does about me looking at it? Why won’t she admit it?


You know how women in a group act. They are more open and dirty than men about sex. It's amazing. Seems like your wife has some or a lot desire, which is good. Now hoping she realizes she can be more open to you about it.



> I am really thinking about calling her out directly on these sites. She may get defensive, say she just follows them on twitter because they are Twilight Fan Fiction authors, and then turn it on me for checking out her tweets online… but she knows I see her tweets…


Bad idea, will make her shut down, just as you described. It is hard to get a woman to open up about what turns her on, even if she knows what (could be religion, not being a proper girl, past experience etc). 

I'd say that what works best is telling her that something she does turns you on, praise her for it and tell her it's great to have a "wild" woman in bed. 

Keep saying this to her and reaffirming that a sexually open woman is the greatest thing ever since sliced bread, wheel and fire.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Agree with Draguna calling out is probably bad for the reason he states. 

I am not sure i necessarily buy the notion that she is not aroused by it or it is not for that purpose. The notion that it is for laughs with her friends. Granted, i think women are much more dirty as other have said then men with they talk. 

There have been studies that confirm that women ARE physically aroused by graphic images even if they say say otherwise. I think it comes back to the "good girl' thing that women don't feel they should be aroused by this sort of thing. Don't want to admit it to themselves (let alone their husbands) as close as they may be to their S/Os. 

Could it be a don't ask don't tell notion. I mean suppose you just love the site of a women with big boobs or a physical attribute that she did not have and such made you very aroused, should you really share that? If she gets moist in the pants over the sight of a big D#%k, perhaps it is a little white lie she is telling you so as to not hurt your feelings. I think this is a reason that men AND women may keep their porn a secret. On some level is that so bad? 

I would be curious about other women's view on this woudl be.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Good thoughts TJ. I can see why some would keep this as a little secret or white lie. In fact, one of the points my DW made last night was just don't throw it in my face or have initiate friendly debates on the merits of porn. She wants me to hide it, maybe because she does?

However, as you can tell from this site, many women are devastated when they find out their man is looking at the stuff. 

For me, I just want to be completely open with her about each of our sexualities, 100% candid. Is that too much to ask?

However, she could be telling me everything she feels, or thinks she feels and I could be digging/hoping for something that is not there.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

tjohnson said:


> Agree with Draguna calling out is probably bad for the reason he states.
> 
> I am not sure i necessarily buy the notion that she is not aroused by it or it is not for that purpose. The notion that it is for laughs with her friends. Granted, i think women are much more dirty as other have said then men with they talk.
> 
> ...


You're exactly correct. The idea that women don't become aroused when exposed to explicit pornography has been pretty thoroughly de-bunked at this point. Adjusted for gender, women get just as aroused as men when viewing porn, and women who watch porn report being more ready for intercourse up to 15 minutes before non-porn control groups. 

The other interesting thing is this:

*Generalized, women don't get hot by jumping directly into the sex bits, they need build up.*

Actually (and I understand you're generalizing here) that's only true when you segment out for age. That remains true for women over 30, but for women under 30 they prefer the same kind of porn their men like. 

In one in-house study, when given a choice between a soft romantic but explicit movie with characters and storyline or a hardcore wall-to-wall gonzo DVD, women under 30 took the gonzo flick 4 to 1. In the over-30 crowd, the ladies took the plotted feature by 7 to 1. Interesting side-note, when we asked them whether or not they were happy with their selection after viewing it, 90% of the under-30 crowd said yes, while only 45% of the over-30 crowd said yes.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

IanIronwood said:


> In one in-house study, when given a choice between a soft romantic but explicit movie with characters and storyline or a hardcore wall-to-wall gonzo DVD, women under 30 took the gonzo flick 4 to 1. In the over-30 crowd, the ladies took the plotted feature by 7 to 1. Interesting side-note, when we asked them whether or not they were happy with their selection after viewing it, 90% of the under-30 crowd said yes, while only 45% of the over-30 crowd said yes.


Oh man, that is an interesting statistic. I did know that younger women enjoy porn more, but the ratios and how content they were with their selection is something I did not know. Man, keep bringing up those facts. The studies I read are all about medicine, diseases and how they affect the body. Nothing about sexuality as they don't relate to my study.

Back on topic, best way to make a woman feel good about her sexuality, is to tell her when she does anything that goes a bit to the kinky stuff, and keep telling her it was fantastic.
Tell her that you love it that she reads those stories, even if she says it's not for the sex. Just say, still great that you enjoy them and that you know what you want.

Keep doing this every time that she pushes her boundaries. Make her feel good, adventurous, make her happy that you enjoy her nasty side basically. She will open up over time.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Interesting bit on the age difference. On the surface this seems to contradict the whole sexual blossoming of woman in their 30's. The only thing I can get this logic to work is that woman being more sexual in their 30's must have more to do with life experience and the time needed to understand their bodies and become sexually confident. Your study would indicate that their hormone levels decline just as they do for men, women may just not embrace their sexuality until their 30's.

That may be way off the mark, total speculation and generalization.


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## IanIronwood (Jan 7, 2011)

hubby said:


> Interesting bit on the age difference. On the surface this seems to contradict the whole sexual blossoming of woman in their 30's. The only thing I can get this logic to work is that woman being more sexual in their 30's must have more to do with life experience and the time needed to understand their bodies and become sexually confident. Your study would indicate that their hormone levels decline just as they do for men, women may just not embrace their sexuality until their 30's.
> 
> That may be way off the mark, total speculation and generalization.


We had a different take on it. It has more to do with current generational attitudes towards porn than the relative ages of the sample groups.

In a different bit of related market research, we concluded that a woman's choice of porn was far more influenced by whether or not she had come-of-age in a computerized home, or whether the home she grew up in was not heavily computerized. In short, women who grew up with access to the internet were not only far more likely to view porn, but the types of porn they preferred conformed more closely to the "male standard".


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

IanIronwood said:


> We had a different take on it. It has more to do with current generational attitudes towards porn than the relative ages of the sample groups.
> 
> In a different bit of related market research, we concluded that a woman's choice of porn was far more influenced by whether or not she had come-of-age in a computerized home, or whether the home she grew up in was not heavily computerized. In short, women who grew up with access to the internet were not only far more likely to view porn, but the types of porn they preferred conformed more closely to the "male standard".


Makes sense.


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