# Did my Husband cheat? how do i get a confession? (Long Sorry)



## chillax (Aug 13, 2010)

We’ve been married for over 2 years now and have a son who’s 1. We dated for around 4 years before marriage. He is 15 years elder then me, has a very high level job. We live a country where everyone knows everyone. 

He’s one of the kindest people I know. Yes, we are very different. He’s interested in politics whereas I am more into gaming. Apart from his office work he does consultancy for a firm in another country which makes him travel atleast 1 weekend every month.

Ours is a fairly open marriage. We share everything. He would call me if he cant come home the usual time and inform me his whereabouts. He gives me his passwords, does not mind me going through his phone… You know what I mean. Also, we have never really fought. (I don’t know if that’s a good thing)

This thing started around 2 months ago. As usual he went for a weekend trip. Along with him the daughter of the company owner also went. She too is married so I didn’t really think too much about it. Plus they went to meet her father, so no issues there. After he came back he started going to her safari. The first time I asked him who he is going with and he told me a bunch of names. That evening when he came home he smelled of alcohol. He’s not someone who drinks. He would only drink if we are away on a vacation. He also knows how much I dislike the whole idea of him drinking. Lets just say that before getting married it was pre-agreed that he wont be drinking unless on a vacation. That day I didn’t make it an issue. 3 days late he calls me from office and says he’s going to the safari aka drinking. So I tell him, look dude tell me how often u plan on doing this… he says once a month.. I say ok.

3 days after that I smell booze on his breath, I ask him, he denies, then after much persuasion agrees he had been drinking. 4 days later same thing repeats. This time I don’t ask him. I’m pissed. I take time to calm down. After 24 hours I ask him casually.. “so on a scale of 1 to 10 how do you rate our relationship” and he is like “I get bored!” suggests that we take some time away from each other. I move back to my parents house. A lot of fighting and crying and after 2 weeks I move back to his house. On the 3rd day he goes to the safari.. when he returns I ask him who he went with… says only her. I ask him why doesn’t her husband go. He says he doesn’t know. I actually know the girls husband. We worked together so I knew he is not someone who drinks. Anyways, he leaves for an official trip after 2 days.. come back home and then goes for the another consultancy trip the same weekend. He was acting all strange. Didn’t ask me to pack blah blah. Still I didn’t think too much. He leaves around 4. At 10 oclock that night the girls husband calls me and ask where my hubby is. I say gone for the consultancy trip. Whats up. Tells me that he wanted to borrow something and I say ok… then he says no!!! after I hang up I think something is fishy hence, I check where the girl is! Guess what she too has gone! Same country, previous day. So I call him at midnight and ask if he is with her. He denies and hangs up. When he comes back we have a huge fight. He kept on denying. Atlast I give up then we sattle down. Casually I ask him how the meeting went. He storms at me saying that he doesn’t need to give details! He never talks to me like that. He always tells me silly little things after his trips. So I get really upset and walk away. Then I think maybe im making too much out of nothing. So I go back and tell him. “please if you want to save our marriage tell me what you discussed in the meeting”.. he says he is too sleepy and turns around. I come back home. Next morning my mom tells me that they came on the same flight. (my whole family was in the airport to pickup my sister). I call him and ask. He says yes they came on the same flight, but that doesn’t mean anything. She went for some other meeting and he had no clue she was there until the last day. I pull some strings, find out that she was staying in a hotel but he was staying in her fathers house. I think I don’t have enough evidence to divorce him. 3 days later my officemate tells me that she saw hubby and that girl in a coffee spot around a month ago. I call and ask. Says yes he did go but didn’t tell me cuz I would mind!! I’m like hello!!!! Why would I mind, I didn’t even suspect anything back then. Its been one and half weeks now. I’m staying with my parents. I don’t trust him anymore so I cant go and live with him. We fought the first one week. But now we are friends. I do go to his house. I even told him that I would move back to his house after 15 days. That I need around that much time to come to terms with what has happened. 

Tonight I was in his house. We were chatting and I told him that I cant trust him. I told him that I have no solid proof about what has happened. But little things that has happened matters. Like i have never seen her call on his mobile. And he is like maybe she calls the office… and im like… u cant say maybe u know what has happened… im the one who can say maybe cuz I don’t know… maybe u erase her calls… but if there is nothing why would u do that…and he is like you will never believe whatever I say!!!

I know this whole thing is very messed up. I just want him to confess!!! How do I make him?


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## chillax (Aug 13, 2010)

I really dont know what to do. He keeps asking me to go back to his house. He says we should not be living like this. I know we shouldnt. But how can i put it behind me and pretend that non of this has happened. 
What do i now?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

You can't just shove it under the rug and move on. I believe his not being open about spending time alone with her is a red flag.

If I were in your shoes I would try a serious discussion, if he is the one asking you to move back, but you must be open to the truth and he must feel safe that if he tells you everything, you will listen and both decide where to go from there.


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