# How long do the images linger???



## jruck32 (Oct 6, 2017)

Hi Guys,

Thank you all for your support so far in my journey. I am daily moving in the right direction for myself and my boys. I have consulted a lawyer and know all of my options at this point. It is nice to have some control in my life once again.

One thing I do not have control over (or if I DO, I certainly don't know how to shut them off!) are the triggers that put the images of the affair in my brain. They are graphic and horrifically painful to say the least. They are not happening every day or every night in my dreams - but they are frequent enough to really really suck!

My question to those that have been there and done that - how long should I expect to deal with these images? Better yet, do you have any suggestions for getting them to go away (besides the "think of something positive instead" idea)?

And lastly...I am a very physical person with sexual needs that I would say are above the norm. Is there any relief from the images if I was to find someone else for some superficial, no strings physical attention? I ask this in all honesty. I don't know if it is something that would actually work or not, and maybe someone else amongst the group has been in this position and thought the same thing?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First, take time to grieve the loss of the relationship, keeping in mind that it wasn’t your fault, as you are the unwitting victim!

How long will the “mind movies” last? That’s contingent upon the individual! I’ve been separated since May, 2011 and finally divorced in October 2013 ~ and even to this very day, I see my RSXW humping her a$$ off with her two out of town BF’s in either our marriage bed, their homes, or hotels in their locale! It’s really just a nasty sight to encounter. Frankly, I could give a rats a$$ about her anymore as she remarried some totally other guy but lives in the same house we resided in!

Those mind movies usually last until several years pass or you finally get engaged in another relationship!*


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

jruck32 said:


> Hi Guys,
> 
> Thank you all for your support so far in my journey. I am daily moving in the right direction for myself and my boys. I have consulted a lawyer and know all of my options at this point. It is nice to have some control in my life once again.
> 
> ...


For me the mind movies played for a couple of months, most at night in my dreams. The first month was bad, after that the started to lessen. Stressfull times can trigger them.

My sex drive is very high and the initial knee-jerk reaction was to find someone else for some "fun". It doesn't work all that great and really your better off just holding off and healing yourself up for now.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

jruck32 said:


> Hi Guys,
> 
> Thank you all for your support so far in my journey. I am daily moving in the right direction for myself and my boys. I have consulted a lawyer and know all of my options at this point. It is nice to have some control in my life once again.
> 
> ...


Individual counselling by someone with skills that include dealing with PTSD.

There are some NLP exercises that can help, too.


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## jruck32 (Oct 6, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> jruck32 said:
> 
> 
> > Hi Guys,
> ...



Matt - what are NLP exercises? Definitely in counseling already and that helps.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The mind movies will lessen when you move on and find someone else. When you fall in love with someone again,they will likely stop totally because you will be indifferent to your cheating wife.

You will likely be scarred for life like all of us are that we're cheated on, but they'll be scars, not open wounds. Reminders of a difficult time in your life. You'll be a stronger person when you heal.

Easiest way to get over a woman is to get under another. This saying is not far off the truth.

I had nightmares about it for about a year and a half.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Months usually. Years if you don't heal with IC and moving on with other women.

Nothing wrong with NSA sex. In fact, you shouldn't be looking to be in another SERIOUS relationship for a year or so. Start casual dating. GO ahead and state "I'm no longer with a wife. Getting back into the dating game - would like to talk, drink, have fun and even NSA bed time." So that the women you meet - are wanting NSA and know that YOU are likely too damaged at this time for BF material.

Each new woman you date / NSA will help. The first one will be the worst thou. Personally, I went to a strip club during the day (a bit more private) and enjoyed some nude lap dances with some hot women. I still hurt before and after. Aware that I blew a few hundred of cheap fantasy. But - I enjoyed it. Ah, new breasts and bodies.

Haven't you filed for divorce yet? When was the last time you had sex (and if it was just your wife)? IF its been 2-3 months - then go out and play ball. If it been a week or so since you broke up/D-Day. Then wait about a 1~3 months before testing the waters.

Also, before attempting dating and/or going to strip club. Try watching porn. If you cannot handle porn, then you cannot handle strippers/NSA/dating.
Right after D-Day, porn would make me almost puke. Anything sexual = mind-movies. So baby steps.
1 - porn
2 - Strippers (not saying prostitutes) - with or without going with guy friends.
3 - NSA dating / sex.

Once you can have NSA or dating without crying - then you are clear. 

The ride sucks.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TaDor said:


> Months usually. Years if you don't heal with IC and moving on with other women.
> 
> Nothing wrong with NSA sex. In fact, you shouldn't be looking to be in another SERIOUS relationship for a year or so. Start casual dating. GO ahead and state "I'm no longer with a wife. Getting back into the dating game - would like to talk, drink, have fun and even NSA bed time." So that the women you meet - are wanting NSA and know that YOU are likely too damaged at this time for BF material.
> 
> ...


*Porn would have only and easily accentuated my somewhat endless array of mind-movies, at least in my case, just merely seeing that activity would have had me violently puking and wrenching, greatly imagining that the porn act was basically the very same handy-work that my ex’s were salaciously performing on their covert BF’s. ~ more especially after having read my RSXW’s text to her BF about “having dirty thoughts about slipping and sliding up and down on ‘the Matterhorn!’”*


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