# My divorce is final today.



## jpc (May 8, 2011)

Just wanted to say thank you to all the people on this board who helped me see that the situation I was in wasn't a good one, and was not likely going to get better. I left my husband late April and haven't seen him or spoken to him (thanks to a restraining order) since. For the first time in years I feel peace and honest to goodness optimism about my future.I've had plenty of days of sadness and anger, but not a single moment of regret. It was the right decision 100%. 

It's very easy to put all the blame on the other person when a divorce or separation happens, but in the long run you'll never truly grow from the experience if you can't look at it for what it honestly was. For me, I rationalized all kinds of horrible things because I was afraid to be alone. I wish I could say that things were peachy before we got married but I can't. The reality is that I chose to ignore many, many blatant red flags out of fear and insecurity. As a result, I made vows in front of friends and family that I couldn't keep. I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life.

I remember our last (there were many) marriage counselor saying that what she saw in me was called "learned helplessness." Her example of this phenomenon was perfect: The American voter. When a person tries to affect change in their relationship and is summarily dismissed enough times, they eventually just disengage altogether because they think nothing will ever change. "My situation is terrible and it sucks, and there's nothing that I can do about it." That was me for at least half of my marriage. I was the American voter. If you think about it, it's complete bs that the voting public has no control. They might have to take more extreme measures, maybe a revolution even, but the voting public *does* have control. My divorce was that realization put into action. My divorce was a revolution.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

That's my relationship to a T. I filed for divorce on Tuesday and, even though it hurts and we are having actual real conversations for the first time in I don't know how long, I'm going through with the divorce.

I told him last night that part of me wants to comfort him, part of me wants to curl up in a ball and cry while yet another part wants to rip out his jugular - and all those parts are in constant battle with each other. I just have to keep reminding myself that we've been through this before and he says all the right things and then I end up back where we were before... and that his desire for attention culminated in him having a two-month long affair with my best friend.

I know if I cave, I'll be right back here in no time, crying my eyes out because he's slept with someone else again. Not going there anymore. I'm going to be strong!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Glad to see you made it through ok. 

There is life on the other side.

As they say, Today is the first day of the rest of your life.


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