# Wife secretly views BDSM porn........?!



## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

I recently found out that my wife has secretly been viewing porn while I'm out. I'm yet to actually confirm if it's curiosity or to 'get off', but I assume it's the latter. 

She doesn't know that I know. 

The bizarre thing about this is that she is viewing really hardcore stuff, and totally not the type of thing I would expect from her. ie: she googles 'forced orgasms', and that brings up results that include all sorts of BDSM and most surprisingly, girl on girl action. 

We've always been very open about all sorts of things, including fantasies and porn, but she has never ever shown any inkling of an interest in that type of stuff. In fact, she is quite the opposite - she loves to be in control during sex. She hates being submissive and wouldn't even let me hold her hands down, let alone be tied up. 

While I'm not annoyed or sad about this new revelation, I just find it really surprising and wonder how to deal with it, if at all. 

*There are probably two facets to it:*

*1)* Our sex life isn't amazing right now (frequency wise), and yet she is getting off in private rather than doing it with me, possibly taking that edge off which means less desire/lust/need etc for us to be together or for me to pleasure her. That can't be good.

*2)* The kinky, fetish, hardcore side of it. As I said we're very open but wow, I had no idea that she would ever watch and certainly not enjoy the type of porn that has women tied up and subjected to all sorts of toys and people pleasuring them. 

Does this mean she secretly wants that to happen to her..? The simple answer as an outsider may be yes, but knowing her as I do, I would never have thought so because she is soooo not submissive in the bedroom. :scratchhead:

Any thoughts, advice, or opinions would be appreciated! Thanks

PS: This whole situation is quite ironic as I've been on here before fighting for people to be more accepting and understanding of porn!  In this case though I don't think it's porn that's a bad thing, it's just that I want an understanding of why she is choosing _that_ type.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Or, if she is into control, she is getting off on these people being forced because her fantasy is to do that to people herself.

Don't assume she has latent sub fantasies.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

bravo BrookeT!!!

I just wanted to add that a lot of women find themselves attracted to BDSM because the intense focus is actually on her. She is the passive recipient of the spanking, forced orgasms, being tied down... What ever. The point is she is completely and totally removed from all responsibility as a participant and feels freer to let her body do its thing.

in response to Shaggy's suggestion, 
Once you tie her down, you force her to come clean on other secret fantasies involving women or her turn to dominate. Ooooh laaaa Laaaa!

You go tiger!


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

First off I would say don't make any assumptions about her viewing this.

She may just be curious about it. Topics that are outside of our realm of comfort can hold a lot of draw due to being curious about it. Has she read 50 Shades of Grey? This book set has a lot of BDSM, many romance novels have dominant and skilled men, and it may have spiked some curiosity.

She may want to learn more about dominance or submission, it sounds like she would want to dominate but you might be surprised too that she secretly is into submission.

I think it is best to talk about this with her. Bring up the topic gently and go from there.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

BrookeT said:


> Noooooo! I wouldn't mention it at all, that will ruin it! Just go for it, and if she's not into it she'll let him know. Part of what makes it sexy is being dominant without having to ask for it or discuss it.


And if she wants to be the dom and not the submissive? You won't know for sure til you ask.

Maybe watch what she has been and let her walk in on ya, that would be a great way to open up the topic.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And when it turns out it is your neighbour's kid hooking into your computer via the wireless router to view porn, what then???


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> And when it turns out it is your neighbour's kid hooking into your computer via the wireless router to view porn, what then???


LOL, hadn't thought about that, good point. 

So how do you know she is viewing it, history on computer, found videos?


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

This had happened to me a couple of years ago with my wife ...... a topic she would never had brought up but i happened to stumbled upon accidentally. 

I did not say anything to her but slowly but surely brought light bondage and a little domination into our foreplay ..... she reacted in a very positive way and was turned on. 

One evening when we were both very drunk ( without a children at that time ) I suggested I tie her wrists and ankles up with my dress ties and her eyes lit up .... she was soooo turned on and it was a very sexy evening for us both !!! Unfortunately now with 2 young boys this kind of play ( our 5 year old often hops into bed with us ) is not as easy but if and when we do get to " play " this way ...... it's a very , very interesting evening !!


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

lmao, if you listen to some of these dudes you are going to wind up catching a charge or in the hospital. Like the other poster, I like to watch tons of stuff I would NEVER want to participate in myself. Right now its trannys with "straight" guys. Next week its gonna be something different. Stop snooping on her and get a hobby


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Ya sometimes people like the fantasy, that doesn't necessarily mean they want to bring it in their own bedroom or engage it in themselves.

Also be careful with that and make sure you're not misinterpreting what she's into. You might offer some BDSM action in the bedroom to spice things up then she whips out that dildo and tells you to bend over and next thing you know you're like


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lovemylife said:


> LOL, hadn't thought about that, good point.
> 
> So how do you know she is viewing it, history on computer, found videos?


There was a case in the UK recently where child porn was found on someone's computer. And yes, eventually it was found to have been saved by a neighbour tapping into their wireless router.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I like watching lots of things I would never do. I also have watched and not been turned on. It's hard for me to find things that don't turn me off. So if someone sawy viewing history they might assume I'm a total freak but in reality I might have watched the first ten seconds of five videos. 
People usually masturbate whether they are in a relationship of not and whether they look at porm or not. I don't know why people think they own all their partners' sexual energy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I watch and read all kinds of things that turn me on that I would never want to do. No one is suggesting he actually whip her or bring in a another woman to their sex play. A little light bondage with a commanding voice is just a spice.

I still say to go for it!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It sounds like she is ito being a dom the question here is are you willing to be a sub?


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Are you absolutely sure it is her and not one of the rug rats ? Just sayin.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Thanks for all the replies. Some good points. I'll attempt to answer them all: 



MattMatt said:


> And when it turns out it is your neighbour's kid hooking into your computer via the wireless router to view porn, what then???


I know what I'm doing and I know for sure that it is her, for a number of reasons. 



StargateFan said:


> Are you absolutely sure it is her and not one of the rug rats ? Just sayin.


Kids? No.

Also, I didn't find out through 'History' - she clears that.



janesmith said:


> Stop snooping on her and get a hobby


Thanks for that. I'll take up scrap-booking as soon as I'm finished here. 



diwali123 said:


> People usually masturbate whether they are in a relationship of not and whether they look at porm or not. I don't know why people think they own all their partners' sexual energy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think I own all her sexual energy, but when our sex life is a little on the LD side, it's maybe a reason for concern? More importantly though, it's more about me being surprised at the outlet!



the guy said:


> It sounds like she is ito being a dom the question here is are you willing to be a sub?


Sure. 

Some others suggested that she might be watching it to get off on picturing herself in that position, as the dom... which is an interesting theory and perhaps one I will think about more as you could be correct. She's never had any inclination that way though and believe me, we've discussed it. Also I've seen that the videos are guys doing things to girls (sometimes), and there is almost never a penis involved (well it might be there, but it's not part of the action).

Re. the advice to JUST TAKE HER, I could try but would probably end up with a black eye. 
Worth the risk?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

controlledchaos said:


> Thanks for all the replies. Some good points. I'll attempt to answer them all:
> 
> 
> I know what I'm doing and I know for sure that it is her, for a number of reasons.
> ...


Yes!


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Ever see the movie Old School ?


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

StargateFan said:


> Ever see the movie Old School ?


Yes but all I remember is Will Ferrell running down the street naked.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

controlledchaos said:


> Yes but all I remember is Will Ferrell running down the street naked.


I would be concerned about a spouse who clears the history. Why does she do that? 

The first scene in Old School has the husband coming back from a trip early to find out his wife has a secret BSDM fetish.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

StargateFan said:


> I would be concerned about a spouse who clears the history. Why does she do that?


Maybe she doesn't want anyone to know? Hell when my ex-gf came over and she always used my computer I made sure to delete my history. There wasn't any out there porn on it or anything but still.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

StargateFan said:


> I would be concerned about a spouse who clears the history. Why does she do that?
> 
> The first scene in Old School has the husband coming back from a trip early to find out his wife has a secret BSDM fetish.


Yeah she clears it so that I wouldn't find out about it obviously. She only uses that particular type of browser (IE) for those 'activities', so she's not trying to hide anything other than that. 

*Sidenote:* I do acknowledge that I'm in the wrong for checking up on her, but that's a different issue altogether. Right now I've found what I've found so am trying to work out how to deal with it (if at all), and what it all means. 

For now, it's all just very puzzling still.


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## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

StargateFan said:


> I would be concerned about a spouse who clears the history. Why does she do that?
> 
> The first scene in Old School has the husband coming back from a trip early to find out his wife has a secret BSDM fetish.


I do because I don't want my husband looking at what porn Ive been viewing and either getting insecure about it or over thinking it to the point that hes decided I would like him to do something that I really would rather he didn't. Theres a reason most browsers have a 'private browsing' option.

Out of curiosity what gave her away? The only thing I can think of is a DNS cash on the router but that would be temporary and not very specific.


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## Roma (Apr 18, 2012)

controlledchaos said:


> Yeah she clears it so that I wouldn't find out about it obviously. She only uses that particular type of browser (IE) for those 'activities', so she's not trying to hide anything other than that.
> 
> *Sidenote:* I do acknowledge that I'm in the wrong for checking up on her, but that's a different issue altogether. Right now I've found what I've found so am trying to work out how to deal with it (if at all), and what it all means.
> 
> For now, it's all just very puzzling still.


can I ask how you found out if she deleted the history....just for my own benefit, thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

Roma said:


> can I ask how you found out if she deleted the history....just for my own benefit, thanks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


menu(top left of browser)-start private browsing

when done close the wondow or stop private browsing


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

controlledchaos said:


> Yeah she clears it so that I wouldn't find out about it obviously. She only uses that particular type of browser (IE) for those 'activities', so she's not trying to hide anything other than that.
> 
> *Sidenote:* I do acknowledge that I'm in the wrong for checking up on her, but that's a different issue altogether. Right now I've found what I've found so am trying to work out how to deal with it (if at all), and what it all means.
> 
> For now, it's all just very puzzling still.


Not everyone thinks it is wrong to check up on a spouse every now and then. If it becomes an obsession that is a problem.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

The fact that she's watching women isn't necessarily a cause for concern. That is my preferred viewing as well, but I don't consider myself a lesbian or bi. I could get into what I think the psychology of it is, but I don't think you necessarily have to worry there. 

However, if the two of you aren't having sex very often, the viewing may be a result of that and she'd not comfortable talking about it. I might advise you to just approach her with that - is she feeling neglected in the bedroom? Anything you can do to help?


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

mildlyperplexed said:


> I do because I don't want my husband looking at what porn Ive been viewing and either getting insecure about it or over thinking it to the point that hes decided I would like him to do something that I really would rather he didn't. Theres a reason most browsers have a 'private browsing' option.


Thanks for the feedback. I agree that like you, she probably wouldn't want me over thinking things.



mildlyperplexed said:


> Out of curiosity what gave her away? The only thing I can think of is a DNS cash on the router but that would be temporary and not very specific.





Roma said:


> can I ask how you found out if she deleted the history....just for my own benefit, thanks
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A keylogger/screen capture program I'm afraid. Shows everything.. I installed it for a different reason (on my pc too) a while back and casually stumbled upon this recently. 



StargateFan said:


> Not everyone thinks it is wrong to check up on a spouse every now and then. If it becomes an obsession that is a problem.


I'm not obsessed, but I do feel very guilty. The funny thing is that I feel like this stuff is a new thing of hers, but for all I know it could have been happening for years!! :scratchhead:



firebelly said:


> The fact that she's watching women isn't necessarily a cause for concern. That is my preferred viewing as well, but I don't consider myself a lesbian or bi. I could get into what I think the psychology of it is, but I don't think you necessarily have to worry there.
> 
> However, if the two of you aren't having sex very often, the viewing may be a result of that and she'd not comfortable talking about it. I might advise you to just approach her with that - is she feeling neglected in the bedroom? Anything you can do to help?


The reason for this - or so I thought - is that I'm very HD and she is probably, well, normal. So I give her space and don't push for it, which according to me meant that when the time is right, she'll initiate. 

But now it looks like occasionally the time is right for her when I'm out (it sounds much more serious than it really is).


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## mildlyperplexed (Feb 3, 2013)

controlledchaos said:


> A keylogger/screen capture program I'm afraid. Shows everything.. I installed it for a different reason (on my pc too) a while back and casually stumbled upon this recently.


Not sure why but I found this really funny.


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

controlledchaos said:


> The reason for this - or so I thought - is that I'm very HD and she is probably, well, normal. So I give her space and don't push for it, which according to me meant that when the time is right, she'll initiate.
> 
> But now it looks like occasionally the time is right for her when I'm out (it sounds much more serious than it really is).


Well...then my guess is she's in the mood but, for the same reason men often watch porn, she might not want to deal with the emotional entanglements of sex with a real person. She knows you're HD, it sounds like she knows that and it's been an issue for you in the past and she's afraid if she initiates then you'll think everything's hunky dory again and she will have to put out all the time (or so she's thinking.) Keeping in mind I know very little of your story, but I see this as a plausible explanation.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

firebelly said:


> Well...then my guess is she's in the mood but, for the same reason men often watch porn, she might not want to deal with the emotional entanglements of sex with a real person. She knows you're HD, it sounds like she knows that and it's been an issue for you in the past and she's afraid if she initiates then you'll think everything's hunky dory again and she will have to put out all the time (or so she's thinking.) Keeping in mind I know very little of your story, but I see this as a plausible explanation.


You're possibly not far off. I can understand that she may just think it's easier to go that route. I can accept that. 

I'm still surprised by the content though, and to be honest, thinking back... it actually freaked me out a little at first. 

Is it possible that there is some kind of historical issue at hand here? ie: abuse, or if not abuse, possibly an experience that she enjoyed but is afraid to bring up with me?


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## ChuckNorris (Feb 15, 2013)

Bravo man! You are one of the lucky ones. Usually it would be the other way around. I mean my lady will watch alot of things but doesn't really have any input or watch it on her own. It is usually me watching the more hardcore things and having the thoughts. You said she is not submissive, If you really think about it vs what you would normally view as a submissive woman it means she is more sexual/erotic than a stereotypical "submissive" therefore being more open to new things, ideas and thoughts. Once you said that it was a easy answer. With that it is not as much as who is sub/dom it is that she has the motivation and interest in new things which is great. I don't think it is just about being submissive. I could see her doing it in private to as you said "get the edge off", maybe recently her drive has increased dramatically, make sure you express to her that you are open to more things since she could just feel afraid of your acceptance of this. All I have to say is congratulations, have a talk, break out the freak porn, get out the whips/chains, and be thankful.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

I only recently brought up my kinky interests to my husband. I have had no negative experiences in my life that brought on my interests. I've had fantasies that I thought were "weird" ever since I was old enough to want sex. I kept those thoughts hidden because of how society views that sort of thing. Recently I started talking to like minded people and only then I realized, there is nothing wrong with me. Sharing that side with your spouse who knows you a certain way is very scary. She may not understand it herself and may not think you will. I'm basically saying, it is common for people to hide this side from loved ones and it doesn't necessarily mean she has had abuse in her past.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## firebelly (May 24, 2012)

controlledchaos said:


> I'm still surprised by the content though, and to be honest, thinking back... it actually freaked me out a little at first.
> 
> Is it possible that there is some kind of historical issue at hand here? ie: abuse, or if not abuse, possibly an experience that she enjoyed but is afraid to bring up with me?


I just wouldn't read too much into it. People fantasize about lots of weird things and it doesn't mean jack. I had a gay friend take me to an S&M club once and I got to talking to one of the employees. He was a submissive and I asked him if him being a submissive had anything to do with his childhood. He said he had a great childhood. His father was one of his best friends and supported him when he came out. He worked at a pet store during the day. Being into S&M isn't dysfunctional. Fantasizing about S&M doesn't necessarily mean you want to do it in real life, but if you do, it doesn't mean you were abused as a child. 

I really think the issue you and your W have is dealing with the LD / HD thing. Sounds like you haven't found a way to communicate effectively about that.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

ChuckNorris said:


> All I have to say is congratulations, have a talk, break out the freak porn, get out the whips/chains, and be thankful.


Well yes I suppose some day down the line it might reap rewards. I think it's natural to possibly feel slightly intimated by it though.



Kermitty said:


> I only recently brought up my kinky interests to my husband. I have had no negative experiences in my life that brought on my interests. I've had fantasies that I thought were "weird" ever since I was old enough to want sex. I kept those thoughts hidden because of how society views that sort of thing. Recently I started talking to like minded people and only then I realized, there is nothing wrong with me. Sharing that side with your spouse who knows you a certain way is very scary. She may not understand it herself and may not think you will. I'm basically saying, it is common for people to hide this side from loved ones and it doesn't necessarily mean she has had abuse in her past.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks for the feedback. You're right in that it could just be something she is going through and learning about or discovering, and wants to keep it private. 
Ironically, I've had 'strange' fantasies too (thats why I'm on here originally), but we were able to discuss them and I never kept that a secret, so we've had good communication for these type of things in the past. 



firebelly said:


> I just wouldn't read too much into it. People fantasize about lots of weird things and it doesn't mean jack. I had a gay friend take me to an S&M club once and I got to talking to one of the employees. He was a submissive and I asked him if him being a submissive had anything to do with his childhood. He said he had a great childhood. His father was one of his best friends and supported him when he came out. He worked at a pet store during the day. Being into S&M isn't dysfunctional. Fantasizing about S&M doesn't necessarily mean you want to do it in real life, but if you do, it doesn't mean you were abused as a child.
> 
> I really think the issue you and your W have is dealing with the LD / HD thing. Sounds like you haven't found a way to communicate effectively about that.


Okay, hopefully you are correct about the abuse thing. That's why I created this thread - to hear opinions. Thanks for the feedback. 

Re. the sex drives, yes that is a problem. Not in the traditional 'I'm in an unhappy marriage' sense though. She knows I want it more, we talk about it. We go through phases and I've learnt to be patient and respectful and I know that she enjoys it more when it's not a chore, but actually something that she wants to do. 

At times I do admit it is frustrating though....... especially when I find out that this other kink of hers exists...


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## DumpedAgain (Feb 14, 2013)

Porn is porn, people watch it for a lot of different reasons
Some times simply because they are bored.

My soon to be ex wife went through another round of bladder cancer, kinda destroyed all interest. total rebuff whenever I
tried to ignite interest. A few months ago 50 shades of gray
showed up on her bedstand and in a few weeks new sex toys showed IN her bedstand


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

Mrs. Gibson said:


> This is my first ever post. I have to say I am incredibly impressed with all the suggestions and support I see here. I have a couple thoughts.
> 
> IMHO, waiting for her to initiate sex is a slippery slope into a sexless marriage. At the same time I acknowledge that it is not easy to approach someone who is rarely into it.
> 
> ...


Betrayed??? It is his computer also and he can do whatever he wants with it. Not sure what state he lives in but have younever heard the term Community Property. He has a obligation to make sure his property is not being used for illegal activity. What if she were into child porn, or sharing copyrighted content. He could be on the hook for that.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

If you stumbled upon this as you say, then I think you should stop worrying about "what it means" and discuss it with her. Find out what it means, by finding out what she is or isn't into, what it means for her, why she is doing it. Why wouldn't she just answer you calmly and honestly if you calmly and honestly ask her? You aren't accusing, you simply don't know what it means and you'd like to know.

She may or may not feel cornered, frightened, shamed, shocked...who knows? But if you are calm and centered, she will likely answer you truthfully. 

It sounds like you are a bit intimidated by the content of what she is looking at...but until you ask her what she is gaining from it, you don't know if you do or don't have anything to be intimidated by. 

So find out! And hey, even if she is into something beyond what you currently think you are capable of, I bet you two can find somewhere in the middle to play around in.


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

controlledchaos said:


> Ironically, *I've had 'strange' fantasies too *(thats why I'm on here originally), but we were able to discuss them and I never kept that a secret, so we've had good communication for these type of things in the past.
> 
> Re. the sex drives, yes that is a problem. Not in the traditional 'I'm in an unhappy marriage' sense though. She knows I want it more, we talk about it. We go through phases and I've learnt to be patient and respectful and I know that she enjoys it more when it's not a chore, but actually something that she wants to do.
> 
> At times I do admit it is frustrating though......*. especially when I find out that this other kink of hers exists... :*(


Hi

Do you have your own thread re. your "strange" fantasies that you describe?

Generally, mismatched Sex drive is a major downer in any relationships. I don't personally think this is the type of problem you can talk, discuss and "improve" etc as it's more of a physiological and highly personal "state" of being. 

Maybe, in a long run, you may stay unfulfilled with a partner who has a lower sex drive? Sex is really an important aspect in marriage.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Mrs. Gibson said:


> Did you answer the person who asked if she's read 50 Shades of Grey? 65 million readers and counting... best-selling paperback of all time. I suspect it will change millions of sex lives forever. I googled BDSM after reading it. Maybe your wife did, too. I think it sold so well because the strong women of today fantasize about letting go of control in one area of their lives... the bedroom. That's why I say figure out what she wants... and initiate it. And tell us how it goes!


Firstly, welcome. Nice to know your first post was on this thread  

No she hasn't read 50 Shade of Grey. Incidentally, I have. Its not something I can force her to read and she isn't the type to read that kind of romancey fiction. 



StargateFan said:


> Betrayed??? It is his computer also and he can do whatever he wants with it. Not sure what state he lives in but have younever heard the term Community Property. He has a obligation to make sure his property is not being used for illegal activity. What if she were into child porn, or sharing copyrighted content. He could be on the hook for that.


Yes I am entitled to it but the way I went about it (and since finding) is a violation of her trust, and I'm aware of that. It's not really the issue here though, so would rather not focus on that.



Faithful Wife said:


> If you stumbled upon this as you say, then I think you should stop worrying about "what it means" and discuss it with her. Find out what it means, by finding out what she is or isn't into, what it means for her, why she is doing it. Why wouldn't she just answer you calmly and honestly if you calmly and honestly ask her? You aren't accusing, you simply don't know what it means and you'd like to know.


I can't just ask unfortunately because then she would question how I know, and it would get heated (not in the right kind of way either). The best I can do is randomly bring up some kind of topic loosely related to what I found, and see if it takes us anywhere. 



Omegaa said:


> Do you have your own thread re. your "strange" fantasies that you describe?
> 
> Maybe, in a long run, you may stay unfulfilled with a partner who has a lower sex drive? Sex is really an important aspect in marriage.


I don't think I ever created my own thread, but rather replied to one or two that were already created on the same topic. 

Yes sex is a really important aspect in a marriage but perhaps not the most important. Obviously if things get worse than they are now though, consistently, then we may have a problem.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Update - the latest viewings now involve males. So that's at least less surprising for me. 

I don't want to speak too soon but I do get the feeling that soon something might be brought up in the bedroom along that specific scenario... which could be fun I suppose! We'll see.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Good for you. Have fun!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Mrs. Gibson said:


> I've been thinking about you and your lady and feeling hopeful for you so I'm glad to hear this.
> 
> Keep us posted!


Thanks. It's quite possible that someday soon I'll end up in a gimp suit strapped to the wall with some device tied to my p*nis while she is whipping my ass and calling me all sorts of profanities... but hey, variety is the spice of life, right?


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Mrs. Gibson said:


> Is no news bad news? I hope not.


Not necessarily. Last night she mentioned she saw some show about subs and doms on TV, and while she isn't actually *into* that type of thing, she would be curious to buy a little whip that she can tease me with. 

She did say I could use it on her too, but more for stroking her back than actually using it in a sexual way haha  :scratchhead:


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

would love to know mine was into a little light bdsm. But she guards her fantasies better than Fort Knox.


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## salamander (Apr 2, 2013)

lovemylife said:


> First off I would say don't make any assumptions about her viewing this.
> 
> She may just be curious about it. Topics that are outside of our realm of comfort can hold a lot of draw due to being curious about it. Has she read 50 Shades of Grey? This book set has a lot of BDSM, many romance novels have dominant and skilled men, and it may have spiked some curiosity.
> 
> ...


I really REALLY wish people would stop going to 50 Shades of ****ed Up for marital advice. It does not follow BDSM protocols of safe, sane, and consensual. It is a depiction of an abusive relationship, and is very poorly written.

Go to Fet Life instead!!!


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

You said she's sexually open right? Not shy, embarrassed, and holding back?

Then if she wants you involved, she'll ask you. At most you could mention that you want to do one of those things if you're interested, but don't mention her fantasy life... or even that you found it. This is her private world.

There really are things that turn some people on that you'd never want to do in real life.

Be happy your wife has such a vivid sexual interests! You're a lucky man!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

If I found my wife doing what yours is I would fall flat to the floor in deep shock. I would love to know that she had fetishes or desires that are outside the realm of Quaker sex


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> would love to know mine was into a little light bdsm. But she guards her fantasies better than Fort Knox.


While mine is the same to be honest - it's not often she'll just bring something up like that, but perhaps she's becoming more open to sharing these days.


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## Jonathan35 (Feb 28, 2013)

Leave her alone. Let her have her fantasy. It's probably her being in control with another woman that is getting her off. You can't ever fulfill that. But frequent masturbation while holding out on a partner is not acceptable. There is a problem there. Do something about that or it will only get worse. Don't bring up that you know about the porn. Just tell her the masturbating while rejecting you is causing problems.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Jonathan35 said:


> Leave her alone. Let her have her fantasy. It's probably her being in control with another woman that is getting her off. You can't ever fulfill that. But frequent masturbation while holding out on a partner is not acceptable. There is a problem there. Do something about that or it will only get worse. Don't bring up that you know about the porn. Just tell her the masturbating while rejecting you is causing problems.


And how exactly would I explain to her that I'm aware of what is happening? 

Anyway, things have improved a bit now. Perhaps we were just going through a bit of a bad spell.


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