# To stay or not to stay because of verbal andc emotional abuse



## Mjoy

I have been married for 17yrs. Through the yrs (right from the start) verbal abuse began. I have been mocked, mimicked, yelled at, disrespected, lied to about money, called stupid, put in my place, and had to deal with the mindset of a 5 yr old to maybe a16yr old at times. He will be annoying on purpose, make sounds, repeat words or phrases he hears 10 or more times... and the list goes on. He will get angry over small things, place blame on me, and act the victim. After saying all of this he claims to love me and calls me sweet pea and my love and that everything he does is for me. He can get upset, go outside and chill with cigarette, then come inside like nothing happened. 17yr rollercoaster ride. We also have issues when he goes to the casino.

I finally told him I was thinking of leaving and renting an apartment. I also confessed my infidelity to him because I recently decided or felt the need to come clean with my life and either try to stay in the marriage because that is what God says in his word....or leave because I just can't do this anymore. I know i was wrong but i had enough and told myself this marraige wasn't real and God wouldn't have wanted this for anybody. Abuse breaks the marraige bond...verbal and emotional included. I didn't know this. We never got closer as he started being horrible to me right away. It just took me time to get to a place where I could afford to leave.

Heres the issue. I pulled away about 6 yrs ago. His touch repulses me as he treats sex like a 16yr old. I don't understand how someone can love their abuser. I stopped being intimate because I didn't feel love anymore. That's probably why I happened to meet someone that actually treated me good....healthy. I want that. Who wouldn't? So now that my husband knows about the infidelity he all of a sudden is trying to be nicer and telling me that he knows he treated me badly all these yrs. Places blame on immaturity and his old job and a little on him hating himself. He had this epiphany over 4 months ago but only now tells me once he thinks I'm leaving. He also is pushing sex on me even though he knows we have alot of relationship issues to correct. Just after I told him about my infidelity he acted hurt but then pulled me onto his lap and got excited if you know what I mean. I found that weird.

We've been going to church for about 3 months now. He claims he's learning but knowing him that might be true to a degree...but I also fear that it's just manipulative and hes going to just keep me. Not sure if hes a narcissist or has a different personality disorder....but I just want peace in my life. I don't want to wake him up every morning anymore as I lose sleep because that has become "my job" as he can't wake up himself. I have to hear a barrage of insults until he is awake enough to get up. He can't control his bladder when he sleeps either so there's that issue and protecting furniture.
I fell in love with this other person and it was a heathy relationship. Now I'm trying to stay married because by God its the right thing to do. But I dont trust his change or believe they will last as he still shows his true self even though he is technically being nicer.

I'm struggling with leaving and seeing where this other relationship could go. The marraige was dead a long time ago. It wasn't because of this person...it was because of the verbal and emotional abuse I decided to move along. Didn't expect to meet someone and do what I did. I don't think I can love my husband the way it needs to be done for God, for my husband, or for myself. If I stay I will live a better life for God...but wil miss the healthy relationship I've always wanted...if I go...I may end up in sin and of course have issues supporting myself down the road. I know im saved by the grace of God...I understand that doesn't give me a license to sin...but my whole past is abuse from childhood on. I just want a healthy happy relationship or chance at what's left of my life here on earth.

I guess I'm just scared and confused and for once want to be loved. My husband has hurt me for so long....


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## frenchpaddy

well I could say NO THIS IS NORMAL IN A RELATIONSHIP 
and the only thing missing is it is his duty to spank you when bold ,
but you know if your relationship is a good fit or not , 

It is not my place to tell you if this is normal or not 
there is a few things going on in your post , 

there is the first relationship which you know how it fits you , 
WHAT I say is if it does not fit you well then why are you doing ti everyday 
If you had a dress that is too small for you why do you go and put it on everyday 

what I don't like is the other guy your trying out before you get out of the first relationship 
for me it is playing safe your keeping relationship one while trying out two ,
this is wrong in many ways 
why your doing it I can't say 
are you just the type that needs to be in a relationship , or are you doing it because you think it is cheaper two share costs , (which in a way makes you a gold digger) 

As well get over one before you think about a second


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy

Everything bad thing your husband said and all the cruel and heartless things he did over all those years was because he didn't love you. He didn't care, he had no respect for you, and now all of a sudden he magically loves all he couldn't stand. I wouldn't normally advice this, but if affair care guy is a good man, dump that husband of yours who didn't deserve you as his wife. **** him and go and have fun and enjoy yourself and be treated like a lady. 

Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


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## Jimi007

Yes , it's sounds like you should divorce. 
Did God give you the guilt of cheating on your husband ? Most likely. Consider this , your affair partner knew you were married and decided to continue pursuing you. The grass is always greener on the other side of the street. What kind of person is he really ? It looks like you checked out on your marriage a long te ago. Was he also married ? Are you still seeing this person ? No one should stay in a relationship centered around abuse... Regardless of what you decide you have already made your husband plan B...What you have done is also abuse
The guilt will eat you alive...It will rot you from the inside out. Remove your self from this situation and your marriage.


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## BigDaddyNY

Where was God when you ended the marriage by committing adultery? Your marriage is dead. Your husband does sound like a immature ass, but the nail in the coffin was you having sex outside the marriage. 

Do you have any kids?


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## *Deidre*

Since you’re a believer - God wouldn’t tell you to commit adultery as a way to “rescue” you from your abusive husband. God isn’t going to tell us to do something that goes against His word, to justify something else. So, you should end the affair because that has nothing to do with God and will only confuse you more. Your childhood being abusive probably caused you to stay with your husband because when all you know is abuse, you don’t really know what true love should look like. I dated an abusive guy and I speak from experience, coming from an emotionally abusive childhood also.

If I were you, I would seek legal advice. Your husband has been at this for 17 years and most likely, isn’t going to change. I would start planning an exit strategy and move on. Abusers rarely change. It’s not impossible but how much longer do you want to be abused, is what you need to ask yourself.

But, end the affair for sure. Because that man doesn’t really understand love either if he’s pursuing a married woman. Once you start working on you, and healing from a lifetime of abuse, you’ll pick better men. You’ll see. I’ll keep you in my prayers.


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## D0nnivain

17 years of this plus you being unfaithful. . .honey, you left this marriage a long time ago. Just formalize the end at this point. 

3 months of church on balance is nothing


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## TexasMom1216

Remove the “church” element from this and you have almost 20 years of misery. End it. You’ll both be better off.


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## Mjoy

frenchpaddy said:


> well I could say NO THIS IS NORMAL IN A RELATIONSHIP
> and the only thing missing is it is his duty to spank you when bold ,
> but you know if your relationship is a good fit or not ,
> 
> It is not my place to tell you if this is normal or not
> there is a few things going on in your post ,
> 
> there is the first relationship which you know how it fits you ,
> WHAT I say is if it does not fit you well then why are you doing ti everyday
> If you had a dress that is too small for you why do you go and put it on everyday
> 
> what I don't like is the other guy your trying out before you get out of the first relationship
> for me it is playing safe your keeping relationship one while trying out two ,
> this is wrong in many ways
> why your doing it I can't say
> are you just the type that needs to be in a relationship , or are you doing it because you think it is cheaper two share costs , (which in a way makes you a gold digger)
> 
> As well get over one before you think about a second


Frenchpaddy thank you for your thoughts. I met the other person through my job. I had already started making plans to leave my marraige b4 I met him. Call it weakness or bad decision making but because I was moving on in my mind and wasn't closer to God I decided to entertain the new relationship. I just thought I was going to divorce anyway. Now 4yrs later I'm not sure if God is working on my husband to change and I should stay because God always wants reconciling or if I should go because I don't know if I could love my husband the way he needs to be loved and plus I'm not sure if he can stay changed. I'm not going to live with this other person...so I'm not sharing costs. I just happened to fall in love with him and feel in my heart that we would work out and be happy together. Your analogy of the dress makes sense. My marriage hasn't fit for along time. 
It's hard to let go of someone that has treated you with respect, love, maturity, thoughtfulness, easy to talk to and understand, no fits of anger, etc.... and this other person is who I would've married and wished I could've met 17 yrs ago. 
If I stay with my husband I will move on from my feelings for the other person eventually but as soon as my husband goes into his old ways (and he still does)....I fear I will regret not leaving. If I leave I will keep this person in my life unless he proves to be no different in the end. If I stay and keep my marriage I may never ever be fully happy especially since I now know what love should feel like. I know my husband can't compare. Hes too immature and needs a mommy more than a wife.... unfortunately at 43 he still hasn't grown up.


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## D0nnivain

God is not working on your husband to change. God helps those who help themselves. You need to help yourself by getting out. 

Once your gone, maybe your husband will change his ways but your marriage is too broken at this point. You WILL regret staying. Get out.


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## Mjoy

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> Everything bad thing your husband said and all the cruel and heartless things he did over all those years was because he didn't love you. He didn't care, he had no respect for you, and now all of a sudden he magically loves all he couldn't stand. I wouldn't normally advice this, but if affair care guy is a good man, dump that husband of yours who didn't deserve you as his wife. **** him and go and have fun and enjoy yourself and be treated like a lady.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G970F using Tapatalk


Crazydoglady, I feel I'd be happy with this other person for sure. I've struggled with everything my husband has said or done to me and it's all abnormal in a relationship not just a marraige. I can't figure out how someone can claim they love you but be so quick to hurt you with their words and then act like it never happened. I'm confused. I want to do right by God and I'm sure he never wanted me to go towards sin...but he has to know that staying married to my abuser wouldn't be easy and I'd want to leave.


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## Mjoy

TexasMom1216 said:


> Remove the “church” element from this and you have almost 20 years of misery. End it. You’ll both be better off.


Texas mom, I know....but with the way the world is going at present I believe the end is near...Gods return for his people. Whether or not you or anyone believes or understands this...I do. It's a scary time to be alone or in sin. But I believe that I'm saved and if I leave and entertain the new relationship I'm sure I'll finally be happy....but wil I anger or hurt God? He is the keeper of my soul. I'm sure he wants me to stay...but I fear I will hurt too much and it won't be fair to either of us. I can't change how this turned out...but I can change the future. Just not sure which one is truly right for me unfortunately. My husband can be very nice until hes not. It's the not that scares me.


*Deidre* said:


> Since you’re a believer - God wouldn’t tell you to commit adultery as a way to “rescue” you from your abusive husband. God isn’t going to tell us to do something that goes against His word, to justify something else. So, you should end the affair because that has nothing to do with God and will only confuse you more. Your childhood being abusive probably caused you to stay with your husband because when all you know is abuse, you don’t really know what true love should look like. I dated an abusive guy and I speak from experience, coming from an emotionally abusive childhood also.
> 
> If I were you, I would seek legal advice. Your husband has been at this for 17 years and most likely, isn’t going to change. I would start planning an exit strategy and move on. Abusers rarely change. It’s not impossible but how much longer do you want to be abused, is what you need to ask yourself.
> 
> But, end the affair for sure. Because that man doesn’t really understand love either if he’s pursuing a married woman. Once you start working on you, and healing from a lifetime of abuse, you’ll pick better men. You’ll see. I’ll keep you in my prayers.


Deidre, thank you for your response. I understand what you are saying. But I know I won't end the other relationship as it is very healthy and we both love each other. He took a chance falling in love with me knowing I was married but I knew I was leaving my husband so he made a decision he thought he'd never do. He has told me that in all of his past relationships that I am the first one to treat him so well. He always ends up caring more and getting used. Our relationship is easy going. We like the same things, we don't focus on intimacy...we like being together and doing things and spending time. This is what my marraige failed on. No time spent on getaways, not one anniversary or bday or valentine's day card in 17yrs....just go to work and come home and cook and clean and wake him up for work. Weekends roll around and I watch him be lazy or sleep or be so hyper he drives me insane. He helps all his friends fix their homes and ours is in shambles. No time for us...but for everyone else. 
I know that God wouldn't push me towards sin. This is my struggle. If I stay in my marraige I'd be better off financially and could devote more time to the lord as I'd probably need to delve into that just to be happy because my marraige isn't there. If I leave I will be happy ...very happy...but I don't know the future. It could change and I could end up missing the rapture (although I've just learned that if you are saved you will make it no matter how you live...you'll just lose rewards in heaven at the bema seat) but I don't know how God feels about me getting divorced or pursuing this wonderful person. He believes in God but hes not where I am spiritually. 
This other person is like we are 2 peas in a pod. Its been the happiest part of my life. Maybe there is enough time to see where this goes and make it pure in Gods eyes with a healthy marriage. I truly love this other person. 


BigDaddyNY said:


> Where was God when you ended the marriage by committing adultery? Your marriage is dead. Your husband does sound like a immature ass, but the nail in the coffin was you having sex outside the marriage.
> 
> Do you have any kids?


Bigdaddyny, if you understand scripture my husband broke our marriage vow everytime he verbally abused me or mocked me or manipulated me. He even though not a Christian was supposed to love me like christ lives the church. It says in the bible to not deal treacherously with the wife of your youth...to not revile or be a scoffed. He has always treated me wrong...plus he used porn on his phone to satisfy himself because I wasn't doing it enough for him. They also is wrong and this all happened b4 I stepped out. He broke the marriage vows a long tinge ago...had I understood this I wouldn't have engaged in my stupidity and could've divorced him biblically. Now I'm no better. I hate that I've done that and I have repented. I'm no longer seeing this person but I still love him and want to be with him as I've never known love and now I do. 4 yrs is a long time to spend with someone and get to know them and realize how much happiness there is when the love is respected and mutual and healthy. Hes no your typical affair or fling. We'd like to see where this goes. My husband more then likely doesn't want to lose me but he is clueless on how to love me. 
I have a lease signing on Thursday and I still am unsure of the right thing to do. Well...I should restate that....the right thing by God is to stay aced let Him heal the marraige but that isn't what I want because I don't believe in his change staying and I can't love my abuser...but because of past abuses in my life...I could stay and adapt because I love Jesus. The right thing for me is to leave and be free from all abuse and be happy...but how temporary is that happy and will I regret it down the road when I'm all alone with no one to turn to or I'm struggling financially I'll hear the devil say "you should've trusted God and stayed"
I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I dont


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## D0nnivain

If you are that concerned about how God will feel talk to your minister. 

As I understand scripture, you can leave an abusive marriage & still be faithful to the church as long as you don't have another relationship. So you can get out but you can't have your BF. If faithfulness is all about sacrifice now, it seems to me that getting away from the abuse is still the right choice because you can't have your BF & stay married either. No scenario involves you getting to keep the BF. So at least pick safety.


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## TexasMom1216

Mjoy said:


> I'm sure he wants me to stay...but I fear I will hurt too much and it won't be fair to either of us. I can't change how this turned out...but I can change the future. Just not sure which one is truly right for me unfortunately.


Well if you believe that God wants you to suffer in this abusive marriage, the only thing you can do is put your head down and accept the abuse. That makes me very, very sad for you, but I understand what you're going through. I chose differently when I faced the same choice. I know what's coming and I've accepted it. It's scary, yes. If you truly believe that God wants you to stay in this marriage, which according to scripture he does, then accept the abuse as your due and don't fight back. If you need to vent, PM me, because I truly do understand the decision you're facing. 😢


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## BigDaddyNY

I'm not the best person to advise what to do based on religion. I can't claim to know what God does or doesn't have in store for you. 

To me I just see a completely broken marriage. You have a husband that is emotionally abusive and a wife that fell in love with someone else years ago. In my view this marriage is done. 

Here is my advise if you truly want to make an attempt at saving the marriage. 

First a foremost cut all ties with your affair partner. For starters he has a major character flaw, he is willing to sleep with a married woman. His moral compass is broken. If you work with him or see him through your work, you need to change jobs. If you aren't willing to do that then you aren't all in and might as well give up now. You say your husband has made changes since you confessed your affair. Could that be his wakeup call to stop being so terrible, who knows. Typically those changes are short lived. You could wait and see if those changes stick and maybe there is hope, but be strong if you say you aren't willing to live with his behavior then really mean it. If he falls back into abusive territory you must be fully willing to leave. Counseling is also going to be need IMO. I don't see you "fixing" this on your own. You both need IC and you need couples counseling.


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## *Deidre*

Mjoy said:


> Texas mom, I know....but with the way the world is going at present I believe the end is near...Gods return for his people. Whether or not you or anyone believes or understands this...I do. It's a scary time to be alone or in sin. But I believe that I'm saved and if I leave and entertain the new relationship I'm sure I'll finally be happy....but wil I anger or hurt God? He is the keeper of my soul. I'm sure he wants me to stay...but I fear I will hurt too much and it won't be fair to either of us. I can't change how this turned out...but I can change the future. Just not sure which one is truly right for me unfortunately. My husband can be very nice until hes not. It's the not that scares me.
> 
> Deidre, thank you for your response. I understand what you are saying. But I know I won't end the other relationship as it is very healthy and we both love each other. He took a chance falling in love with me knowing I was married but I knew I was leaving my husband so he made a decision he thought he'd never do. He has told me that in all of his past relationships that I am the first one to treat him so well. He always ends up caring more and getting used. Our relationship is easy going. We like the same things, we don't focus on intimacy...we like being together and doing things and spending time. This is what my marraige failed on. No time spent on getaways, not one anniversary or bday or valentine's day card in 17yrs....just go to work and come home and cook and clean and wake him up for work. Weekends roll around and I watch him be lazy or sleep or be so hyper he drives me insane. He helps all his friends fix their homes and ours is in shambles. No time for us...but for everyone else.
> I know that God wouldn't push me towards sin. This is my struggle. If I stay in my marraige I'd be better off financially and could devote more time to the lord as I'd probably need to delve into that just to be happy because my marraige isn't there. If I leave I will be happy ...very happy...but I don't know the future. It could change and I could end up missing the rapture (although I've just learned that if you are saved you will make it no matter how you live...you'll just lose rewards in heaven at the bema seat) but I don't know how God feels about me getting divorced or pursuing this wonderful person. He believes in God but hes not where I am spiritually.
> This other person is like we are 2 peas in a pod. Its been the happiest part of my life. Maybe there is enough time to see where this goes and make it pure in Gods eyes with a healthy marriage. I truly love this other person.
> 
> Bigdaddyny, if you understand scripture my husband broke our marriage vow everytime he verbally abused me or mocked me or manipulated me. He even though not a Christian was supposed to love me like christ lives the church. It says in the bible to not deal treacherously with the wife of your youth...to not revile or be a scoffed. He has always treated me wrong...plus he used porn on his phone to satisfy himself because I wasn't doing it enough for him. They also is wrong and this all happened b4 I stepped out. He broke the marriage vows a long tinge ago...had I understood this I wouldn't have engaged in my stupidity and could've divorced him biblically. Now I'm no better. I hate that I've done that and I have repented. I'm no longer seeing this person but I still love him and want to be with him as I've never known love and now I do. 4 yrs is a long time to spend with someone and get to know them and realize how much happiness there is when the love is respected and mutual and healthy. Hes no your typical affair or fling. We'd like to see where this goes. My husband more then likely doesn't want to lose me but he is clueless on how to love me.
> I have a lease signing on Thursday and I still am unsure of the right thing to do. Well...I should restate that....the right thing by God is to stay aced let Him heal the marraige but that isn't what I want because I don't believe in his change staying and I can't love my abuser...but because of past abuses in my life...I could stay and adapt because I love Jesus. The right thing for me is to leave and be free from all abuse and be happy...but how temporary is that happy and will I regret it down the road when I'm all alone with no one to turn to or I'm struggling financially I'll hear the devil say "you should've trusted God and stayed"
> I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I dont


My heart hurts for you. I know you’re in a tough spot. I would seek a spiritual advisor at your church - someone you trust to share this with to gain some advice. Make sure you share it all, though. There may be programs to help you get on your feet financially, as I sense that is why you’re not leaving your husband. I’m sure you think this guy is in love with you but he shouldn’t be pursuing a married woman. You’re nowhere ready to divorce so it’s not like you’re even separated.

Another man isn’t going to help you heal from your broken marriage or your childhood, though. No matter how great he is. It sounds like you need a man to define you and give you self worth. I understand those feelings because I used to feel them, too.

I hope you find peace and choose to get some advice from a church advisor. Good luck💜


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## Jimi007

You have been sleeping with this man for 4 yrs...?...Satan already has your heart..


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## DownByTheRiver

All he's doing now is competing and marking his territory. This is a terrible marriage all around. I don't really think God wants you to waste the one life you've got being miserable or making anyone else miserable. 

Start fresh and don't just run back into the same situation with another guy.


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## BeyondRepair007

Justify it any way you want,.. you are wanting to go to this other fella so do it.

Leave God out of it. If you really were that concerned about Him you wouldn’t have cheated in the first place, and wouldn’t be continuing to compare your husband to your AP.

This quote tells me that your marriage is over.
You can sugar coat it or justify it or rewrite the marital history all you want. But you’ve already decided.



Mjoy said:


> I'm no longer seeing this person but I still love him and want to be with him as I've never known love and now I do. 4 yrs is a long time to spend with someone and get to know them and realize how much happiness there is when the love is respected and mutual and healthy. Hes no your typical affair or fling. We'd like to see where this goes. My husband more then likely doesn't want to lose me but he is clueless on how to love me


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## DonJuan

Mjoy said:


> I have been married for 17yrs. Through the yrs (right from the start) verbal abuse began. I have been mocked, mimicked, yelled at, disrespected, lied to about money, called stupid, put in my place, and had to deal with the mindset of a 5 yr old to maybe a16yr old at times. He will be annoying on purpose, make sounds, repeat words or phrases he hears 10 or more times... and the list goes on. He will get angry over small things, place blame on me, and act the victim. After saying all of this he claims to love me and calls me sweet pea and my love and that everything he does is for me. He can get upset, go outside and chill with cigarette, then come inside like nothing happened. 17yr rollercoaster ride. We also have issues when he goes to the casino.
> 
> I finally told him I was thinking of leaving and renting an apartment. I also confessed my infidelity to him because I recently decided or felt the need to come clean with my life and either try to stay in the marriage because that is what God says in his word....or leave because I just can't do this anymore. I know i was wrong but i had enough and told myself this marraige wasn't real and God wouldn't have wanted this for anybody. Abuse breaks the marraige bond...verbal and emotional included. I didn't know this. We never got closer as he started being horrible to me right away. It just took me time to get to a place where I could afford to leave.
> 
> Heres the issue. I pulled away about 6 yrs ago. His touch repulses me as he treats sex like a 16yr old. I don't understand how someone can love their abuser. I stopped being intimate because I didn't feel love anymore. That's probably why I happened to meet someone that actually treated me good....healthy. I want that. Who wouldn't? So now that my husband knows about the infidelity he all of a sudden is trying to be nicer and telling me that he knows he treated me badly all these yrs. Places blame on immaturity and his old job and a little on him hating himself. He had this epiphany over 4 months ago but only now tells me once he thinks I'm leaving. He also is pushing sex on me even though he knows we have alot of relationship issues to correct. Just after I told him about my infidelity he acted hurt but then pulled me onto his lap and got excited if you know what I mean. I found that weird.
> 
> We've been going to church for about 3 months now. He claims he's learning but knowing him that might be true to a degree...but I also fear that it's just manipulative and hes going to just keep me. Not sure if hes a narcissist or has a different personality disorder....but I just want peace in my life. I don't want to wake him up every morning anymore as I lose sleep because that has become "my job" as he can't wake up himself. I have to hear a barrage of insults until he is awake enough to get up. He can't control his bladder when he sleeps either so there's that issue and protecting furniture.
> I fell in love with this other person and it was a heathy relationship. Now I'm trying to stay married because by God its the right thing to do. But I dont trust his change or believe they will last as he still shows his true self even though he is technically being nicer.
> 
> I'm struggling with leaving and seeing where this other relationship could go. The marraige was dead a long time ago. It wasn't because of this person...it was because of the verbal and emotional abuse I decided to move along. Didn't expect to meet someone and do what I did. I don't think I can love my husband the way it needs to be done for God, for my husband, or for myself. If I stay I will live a better life for God...but wil miss the healthy relationship I've always wanted...if I go...I may end up in sin and of course have issues supporting myself down the road. I know im saved by the grace of God...I understand that doesn't give me a license to sin...but my whole past is abuse from childhood on. I just want a healthy happy relationship or chance at what's left of my life here on earth.
> 
> I guess I'm just scared and confused and for once want to be loved. My husband has hurt me for so long....


I can relate because when I was 19 and married her, she was 21, it wasn’t long before the verbal abuse, the, “I hate you”, started, and when I brought it to our counselors attention, he had the worst response I could imagine, and said, what is it you do that makes he4 scream? I said disagree with her. Then I said would it be different if I said “ I hate you”, first. If I scream and yell first will he ask her what is she doing to make me scream? He was after the easy insurance money and charged us $100 an hour, keeping the $80 check from the insurance company and tell8ng us he was waiving our $20 part. His poor advice only hurt, as I would usually just get in my car and drive away.? I was starting to say “I hate you” back and that wasn’t helping.


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## BootsAndJeans

You have three distinct issues:


You are in an abusive marriage. Abuse in a Christian marriage is "living in sin" for the abuser. It is sinful and wrong to abuse your spouse or children. IE: Men, lovesyour wives. Abuse is absolutely a valid reason to get divorced, be it physical, verbal, emotional of sexual abuse, to include infidelity. I grew up in an abusive household. It is not worth it. You two should fix the issues or divorce.
You committed adultery - full stop. This is really a separate issue, regardless of how related to your marital situation. If you are a Christian, than you must understand God does not send a husband to a woman other than his wife or a wife to a man, not her husband. Regardless, adultery for a Christian is a sin and big no-no. It is not unforgivable, but you need to repent and work on yourself.
You have an issue with your church in terms of divorce. Outside of some very literal, hard-lne, fundamentalist sects, no cleric would demand a woman stay in an abusive marriage.


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