# I really need help, I thought of just ending my life



## Iwanttobehappy (Nov 3, 2010)

My husband says I don t do as much to please him as he does for me. This could be true to a certain extent. He tells me his whole day is revolved around pleasing me, but he works 45 hrs out the week. I drive him to work and pick him up, 40 mins everyday, pick up our 4 yr old son, and keep at our 2 yr old son all day, and nothing stops until he gets home. Between cooking, cleaning, and trying to take care of my own home business there is barely enough time for ME! Then when he does get home I try to work on my home business to generate some extra income, which we need, then he tells me I don t spend enough time with him, so I feel guilty for even trying to make an effort to accomplish something. 
He says we don t have enough sex, which we haven't been quite recently I found that he was talking to a long time ex of his they had been together 5 years, she is now married to someone that looks just like him with 4 kids of her own. My conern for this is because she told him that if he ever said he wanted to be with her she would leave her husband and go back to him, the only reason she married her husband is because my husband would not marry her, and they also carried on an affair when she first got married, and has showed up to my mother in laws unannounced. It started over the internet and when I asked him about it he lied to me and told me he never spoke to her, then one day I happened to be on the computer and his chat pops up and she was asking where I was at 3am in the morning, and soon after that I discover he had told her where he works and she was up to his job with her children but not her husband, and when I asked what if I had shown up he said "ITS A PUBLIC PLACE" this is when the sex stopped. He has been looking at porn sites more frequently, even checking to see if I am sleep, and disguises the sound with a movie to hide it from me. He erases his computer history so no one can see what h is doing and I only start checking which I probably shouldn t have done, after I caught him looking at the porn one day when I woke up, he lies to me about it, then blames me for it some how some way. I even help care for his mother who has cancer, and run her to treatments with the 2 boys and just me by myself she can t help me she is too weak. 
I thought the other day on the highway coming back from doing something for my boys, if I just stopped my car dead in the tracks someone would hit me hard enough to kill me and I could escape all of this, I am scared alone, I have no one, I went to church to talk about it there and received great advice but its not enough. What do I do?


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Let me ask you something? Is he worth you ending your life over? Who's going to look over your children when you are gone? To me, he's the one who needs to place himself on the tracks. Let him have the other woman, so she can discover, what goes around, comes around.

Give him an ultimatum. If he doesn't abide by it, leave that very night. Its as simple as that. Life is far too short to live it in tears. He isn't worthy of you and you know it. Why live this way?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

No matter what happens, never think about ending your life. 

No man on this planet is worth your life. 

You are hurt by what he did, that ex is causing trouble for your marriage. You really have to let your husband know who he is married and who is supporting him. 

You are hurt, you don't want to have sex, he is mad, he is doing more silly things, this vicious circle will go on and on, not good for you!

Is it possible that both of you sit down and talk out the hurt between you and him? Understand each other's pain!

Only responsible people can make their life organized! He has to learn to be a responsible man, if not, he'll just pursue his dreams forever! And his dreams will never come true.


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## The Husband (Nov 1, 2010)

Go talk to a professional asap!

With all respect to the peoples on this forum, you need to 'talk' to someone. A claim of thinking of ending your life cannot be taken lightly.

You sound alone, stressed and maxed out. 

I'm sure there is a help crisis line of some kind in your local area, call it, they will have information that will help. There ARE solutions and people who care. 

Please be proactive and contact someone...its the best thing you can do for yourself, your husband and kids. 

I hope the best for you...


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

The Husband said:


> Go talk to a professional asap!
> 
> With all respect to the peoples on this forum, you need to 'talk' to someone. A claim of thinking of ending your life cannot be taken lightly.
> 
> ...


I agree!
Contact someone thru a hotline and you won't be alone.
The person on the other end of that line may just be your lifeline!

Praying for you and your family!.................


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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

Hope things turn out better! From what you said, I would be very happy a wife that does what your doing. Infact, I would get home and help out around the house and give you sone free time. Please talk to someone, life is precious, think of you kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Your feelings of despair are temporary - please try and hang on. Your mind and body are sending you warning signals to stop what you are doing and gather your self together and take a break. How to do that? Just stop all that you are doing except the essentials, what ever does not get done will have to be picked up by someone else. You are in a serious way and you need help and careful handling for awhile. 

Lets look at this, you contribute monetarily to the household income, help care for his mother who is gravely ill, have 2 boys, that you care for and a house. Your husband I assume is making about 80% ?? of the income working a 45 hr week. What else does he do to support the running of the household? Does he share in the chores? does he take care of his mother to relieve you? Does he do things with his children? Cook, shop? Does he think that working 45 hrs outside of the home has more value that you bringing in income, childcare, nurse to his mother, cook, cleaner, laundress etc.? What more do you think that? 

If you are not there, then he will see what it's like. This woman does not want you husband, she just wants to playact, make her life exciting by telling him she would leave her husband for him. And he is a big fool to risk loosing a woman of your quality for a woman who is disloyal, amoral and self centered. Does be think she will take care of his mother and bring in the income that he cannot seem to bring in to support his family.
I think you are doing MORE than your fair share in support of your and I donot think that your husband is contributing enoiugh. Just because he works out of the home it does not mean his tome is morte valuable than yours. 

You are allowing other people call the shots about what you should do and you are setting no limits. You have limits, you have reached them, recognize them and honor them. 
Not only does your husband take you for granted he disrespects you into the bargain. You are taking care of his mother and his children and you have to bring in money to make up for his inability to be a man and support his family and he thinks that you do not do enough for him? Is that his excuse for betraying you while you are overworked? 

It's not yourself you should be angry with it is your husband, he is a selfish boy who has driven he wife to the brink while he plays at some game with OW. He is not a man because he waste time pursuing sex with some out side woman while denying the time to his wife, kids and his own mother. What kind of man is that? Certainly not worth the life of a person of your fine caliber. 

Would you consider separating for a while to get time to nuture yourself and to think of what you would like to do? , Can you stay with a relative? Sometimes selfish people need to be shaken up to realize what they have. I know you will be able to work this out and I wish you the very best.


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## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

I'm sorry for your pain and misery. However, no man is worth ending your life over. Talking to a former lover is wrong and I would sit him down and as one poster put it, give him a ultimatum. Sex during a busy schedule is difficult and tho it might sound mechanistic, pencil in sessions. For me and my articulated way of thinking I enjoy scheduling sex, my wife hates it she'd rather do the spur of the moment. Porn is a destroyer of the mind, and I have struggled with that as have many men. Your problems can be counseled thru but be firm and let him walk if he won't break it off with this other woman. You don't need that.


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## ~ariana~ (Nov 13, 2010)

ok going to church may help you spiritually but i am surprised no-one has suggested you go to a divorce lawyer - if not to start divorce proceedings right now, at least to determine and evaluate your options

at the very least, start gathering evidence, and documents and some money together and keeping it in a very safe place, and then if you do decide to get out, or kick him out you are prepared - this will stop you feeling so helpless and powerless and like you are taking control and are not just a dumb victim here

my advice is first:

do not tell your husband you are thinking about divorce at all - do not alert him, instead follow the advice in this link Divorce Prep  , especially about collecting documents evidence etc and not keeping it in the marital home

only when you have done this FIRST, then talk to your husband about how you are feeling, how you want things to change, and suggest marital counselling for you both, even if he says no, make an appointment anyway and tell him what it is. If he refuses to attend then that will go against him if you do decide to divorce him in the future.

there is no point living with someone if you feel as if your life is not worth living.

if living with them makes you want to stop living, its time to get out and stop living with them, not stop living

i am speaking from experience here, i relate very much to how you feel, your situation, your husband's behaviour and what you said, it took me many many years in a horrible and abusive and violent marriage (i had 4 children under the age of 12 to think of) thinking of suicide many times, and attempting it twice (albeit half heartedly i guess) to finally wake up and realise the truth. it was very difficult for me to leave my husband but it was the best thing i ever did.

i regard it as a measure of my own personal success that i am still here, i have friends a good job a lovely boyfriend and i am happy (and, btw my ex isnt)

think, do you want to feel like this and live with this man for the rest of your life? do you want to be with him when you are 80 years old and need to rely on him to do 'everything' for you if you are sick? if not, then you need to leave. 

once you decide that, the only remaining question is 'if not today, when ... when will be the day that you will begin the rest of your life?'

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

I agree, see a professional.

One of the things you will find out there is what caused you to have that thought, was it just everything overwhelming you, or the specific problems between you and your husband or perhaps the idea of being on your own? Once you find why then you can start to sort out a solution.

A lot of Drs these days will offer pills over actual therapy so make sure the one you see wants to listen to what you have to say.

Take a step back and go solve some problems to make things easier on yourself, it sounds to me like you deserve it


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yes, you really need help and the help you need is beyond the scope of this internet forum. I would call your family doctor and tell him you are having these thoughts and see what's to be done. You need to have the suicidal thoughts subdued first as you aren't thinking clearly.

Then after that, hopefully you both want to work on the marriage.

I just went through a divorce myself and I spoke to a long time friend about being "alone" too and the fear of that. . .he said something wise - we are ALL really just one moment away from being alone. A heart attack, an accident, a divorce paper, etc. . .it's not a pleasant thought but it's the truth. I think the way to deal with that is EXACTLY what you are doing - reaching out BEYOND your marriage - to a church, a support group, friends, family. 

Forge an interdependence among people beyond just you and your husband, because he just isn't relialbe enough,

If, like my ex-wife, you conclude he has checked out of the marriage. . .then it's decision time what you want to do after that - divorce or open marriage are the two choices if he doesn't want to work on it. Or as some religions advise, just make it your marriage your cross in life to bear.

In the meantime, have your mental health attended to.

I wish you well.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

With another relationship failing for me I have two choices , end it or end me , you are not the only one who feels this way , but I have choose the first one and to go on hopefully into better things, please look forward and be positive you will be surprised how good the outcome can be when you think positive. good luck


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

Dear or dear do not even contemplate such a thing. Life is too precious and we must claw and fight for every second. Death is absolute and eternal; why welcome it?

Worst case: divorce.
Best case: counseling!


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