# Confused about what GF wants



## confused_dude (May 11, 2012)

Hi there, I'm new here, but I found this site and thought it might be helpful to talk with some of you. I will start you off with a little background information about my situation.

I'm 25 and my GF is 21. We have been dating for 3.5 months. We started off fast and really clicked from the get go. Things have been great until a week ago.

My GF is still in school for a couple of years, but wants to move to another state when she graduates. I was a little hesitant about this at first, but really opened up to the idea as our relationship progressed. In the beginning I was looking for a house in our current city. Everytime I mentioned it she would say she doesn't want me to buy a house because then I will be stuck here and won't be able to move with her.

Fast forward to a week ago. We had a good date night on thursday. At the end of the night I started asking questions about the state that she wants to move to to see if I was comfortable with possibly moving there. She freaked out a little and said can we please not talk about it.

The next night, she came over at 2am after being out at the bars. She said she doesn't know if she is ready for a serious relationship and that she is still young. We talked for several hours and agreed to move our relationship at a slower pace. The rest of the weekend, everything seemed great.

On tuesday, we went to breakfast together before my GF had to go to the airport. She has been in Vegas the last couple of days with girlfriends and just got back tonight. On tuesday she kept saying how she loved me and how she was going to miss me while she was gone. Everything had been great the last couple of days.

Last night, she called me at 3am saying how her friends were trashed and had abandoned her. We had a good conversation for 20 minutes. She then texted me that she loved that I was trusting and not to break her heart.

Tonight she called me when she was leaving the bar she had been at with a guy from work and some of his friends. The phone call went really well and everything seemed fine. After we ended the call, she texted me and said that she was having some small doubts about our relationship. She said she really loves me, but that our timing may be off.

She said she doesn't want to hurt me, but that she feels like she hasn't been able to act like a 21 year old lately. I told her that I didn't mind her going out and having fun and she said she didn't know. She said it was hard being the only person in her group of friends that was in a relationship and that it made her act old when she was out. I then asked her if she meant that she wanted to kiss guys and do more with them.

She said honestly yes sometimes but that she never has done anything. I suggested that we do more fun and wild stuff together so that she wouldn't have to feel weird around her single friends. She said ok but that she didn't know if it would work. I texted her goodnight like I always do She always answers back, but she didn't tonight.

I really love this girl and I thought she was someone I would marry someday until the events of the last week. I'm confused on where our relationship is heading from here, and maybe where it should head from here.

Please help this confused guy.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Sounds like a head case who loves having a plan b safety net while she parties it up. Run.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

She's a 21 year old girl.
One minute she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. The next minute she's in a bar getting the hornies for another guy and having doubts. 
I'd say this is completely normal.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Looks like the honeymoon stage is over for her and she wants to play the field.

There's no future with her, lose her number.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

She is not ready to commit. She likes having you there but she still wants to be single.

If you guys were engaged she should not be out with guys at a bar without you anyway. You are not engaged. Are you really in an LTR? She is not so sure. If you were she would not be out with these other guys.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

She's too young to be in a committed relationship. Nothing wrong with that -- but you don't need to get your heart broken either. I'd break up, at least for a while, let her get some of her wild oats out of her system.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You've been dating for 14 weeks. This is totally normal. When a girl says she's having doubts, it usually means there is another guy she is interested in. I suggest you back off and play the field.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

She wants to sow her wild oats first.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Dude, I would cut her off. She wants to see if the green is greener somewhere else. Girls in Vegas? Chances are something happen there. No girl would have their girlfriends ditch them while in Vegas. Plus, her going out to a bar and getting drunk with male friends? I'm not saying she had sex with anyone, but I can guarantee you there was definately some heavy flirting going on that made her second guess your relationship.

If this is the end of your relationship, then you need to do a hard NC on her. You can't be friends with her. It wouldn't be fair to you especially if you have feelings for her. SHe need to know that your not going to be available to her at all. 

Don't be a doormat and don't get played, dude.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

I bet if you tell her ok good bye and good luck you won't be able to get rid of her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why is your GF doing out without you so much drinking and to bars? Why is she going out there with guys from work?

At 21 she should be going out and having fun BUT she should be going out and having fun with you.

I'm not saying you should smother her, but clearly a big part of her doubts stem from the fact that she's out in social situations and she's dating you and that means she's the odd person out when others a flirting and hooking up. If you were there she would be with you and not alone.

However, I don't see this relationship working out. She's obviously wanting to spend her free time drinking and partying with people. She's chosen girl friends who spend their time going out and hooking up. 

going out to bars etc like she's doing so much is where single people go to hookup. The problem is she's got a BF now, but she's still stuck in the singles/hookup phase, and doesn't want to stop.

If she was the kind of girl who had actual activities like sports or cycling as the way she spends her free time - then you might have chance. However, she's not like that apparently. She's into drinking and hanging with the free and single crowd.

And she's about to move - which means she'll be seeking new friends in the new place and she'll be looking for them in bars and clubs - which means more single folks looking for hookups.

Until she crosses the maturity level where she gets tired of that world and begins to see that it's shallow and unsatisfying - she won't be ready for a committed BF-GF relationship.

She isn't ready to be with a guy in a relationship..


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

CD,

You and your GF are not on the same page. You want a committed relationship and she does not. 

She just does not have the balls to say it to you because she knows she is going to hurt you.

Talk to her and if that is how she feels it is time to break it off before she does go all the way with someone else. She is trying to tell you this.

See it for what it is. You are just in different orbits. Let her go sow her oats.

If you have not sowed yours then do it too!.

Good Luck,

HM64


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

She sounds like a young 21, not at the stage where she knows what she wants. 

She was being honest when she told you that she was not ready to settle on one man right now. It sounds like she is doing whatever her friends are doing. 

You may already feel attached to her but i think you would be better off breaking it before it gets much stronger. Continuing will only mean needless pain for you. . 

If you are ready to put down roots, be selective and date only women who are looking for the same. 

A 21 yo is not a good choice if you are looking for a LT relationship because they are at different stage in life than you. A women closer in age to yourself would probably work out better.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

confused_dude said:


> Hi there, I'm new here, but I found this site and thought it might be helpful to talk with some of you. I will start you off with a little background information about my situation.
> 
> I'm 25 and my GF is 21. We have been dating for 3.5 months. We started off fast and really clicked from the get go. Things have been great until a week ago.
> 
> ...


you seem like a nice guy, and I think she is trying to tell you in a really nice way, that she is not ready for the whole commitment thing. My advise would be to accept her position, just have her as a friend, so she doesnt feel pressured by having any commitments, and see how that relationship turns out. Honestly, she is going out a lot and if she hasnt already (i know you said she hasnt) she will eventually break and mess around just cause that is the environment she is mixing with. Its not her fault and honestly you gotta give her credit for opening up and admiting it.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

sounds like there may be another guy she is in the beginning stages of something or someone she is wanting to get things going with.

out closing down bars with other guys all the time, i would question if it was even all girl on the vegas trip. 

believe me, letting go of a 3 month relationship is a lot easier that waiting it out even longer.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

She's not a head case. She's a normal 21 year old girl who is smart enough to know she's too young to settle down.

The OP should enjoy what time he has with her but just as she's doing he should continue to have his own life outside of her.
If this isn't what he wants he should end the relationship as she's not ready and she's telling him so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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