# Wife frequently watching porn before sex



## Dalek Sek (Jul 31, 2013)

My wife and I got married in April. We've never really had any sex issues that I'm aware of. It's frequent and always good. However... I recently realized that she's started watching porn before we have sex. It's happened about four out of the last five times. She doesn't know that I know. A couple weeks ago, I could tell that she had "started without me" and when I went to go use her iPad, I saw that she was watching porn right before we got going. This is usually when we have planned on having sex that night and when I'm in the shower or out of the house immediately beforehand. It's mostly girls masturbating or lesbian stuff which doesn't really bother me. I know most women prefer lesbian or female solo porn for obvious reasons. Porn dudes are gross and women never orgasm in straight porn.

We used to watch porn together early in our relationship then she wasn't into it anymore. She hasn't watched porn in a couple of years other than when I was out of town then it just started again.

The sex after she's done this has been fantastic. She climaxes more quickly and with less effort on my part, she more attentive towards me, engages frequently in a few things she used to only do a couple times a year, talks more during sex (which I like), etc... 

I just feel a bit weird when I climb into bed and she's already wet and raring to go, and I didn't cause. There's no way to tell her that doesn't have me admitting that I snooped in her iPad. I don't want to have that fight.

Someone tell me to shut up and stop worrying, please!


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## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

My wife watches porn sometimes without me and its all lesbian porn, which is what we watch together as well or ffm stuff. It doesn't bother me at all. She has a fantasy of being with another woman, which doesn't bother me either. If she set it up, I would watch them, every mans fantasy right? LOL 
We have an amazing sex life, are turned on by each other and enjoy pleasing each other. 
Whatever gets her going is fine with me. 

As far as the lesbian porn and women, all women I have talked to say it is just the women pay attention to each other more than man on woman porn. I have to agree.


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## Dalek Sek (Jul 31, 2013)

No problem AT ALL with the Lesbian porn stuff. She seems to prefer the solo stuff more anyway. No different than men watching cumshots.

I just worry about how often she's been watching porn IMMEDIATELY before we have sex.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Thank you for posting this here. This is not that uncommon, for a wife to be watching porn (by herself) and a husband not quite sure if he's down for that....but a lot of husbands just don't know it is going on so until they do, they didn't even realize it would bug them.

Your wife is getting herself sexually aroused by herself before sex with you, and I can see how this would be hurtful to you.

What I don't see is why you can't just tell her you snooped and talk about your real feelings about it?


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

Dalek Sek said:


> Someone tell me to shut up and stop worrying, please!


Please shut up and stop worrying! I love watching porn, by myself or with my SO, it gets me more excited, wet, and ready to go for him. Just like your wife! Why would you even feel weird about this? So many husbands on this site envy you for having a wife that likes porn. Seriously, you have to pick your battles....


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## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

I agree with FW as well. 
Just ask her about it. Don't bottle it up, because you will build resentment and before long you be miserable. Communicate with her.

Tell her if that is what gets her going you will watch it with her, or watch her get herself ready, I find that extremely hot to watch my wife rubbing herself.


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## Dalek Sek (Jul 31, 2013)

I won't get too graphic here but I can tell that she's not actually touching herself. Just watching it. Or at least just touching herself through her panties or something.

I'll just try to stop worrying about it.

We're both very techy people and when we started dating years ago we both agreed that going through a phone or computer was a pretty big thing. I found out by accident the first time but then got worried and snooped more than I should. It would be a huge fight.


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## Dalek Sek (Jul 31, 2013)

shesgone said:


> Tell her if that is what gets her going you will watch it with her, or watch her get herself ready, I find that extremely hot to watch my wife rubbing herself.


SUPERB idea!


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Don't worry about it. My wife will frequently masturbate without me present as a prelude to PIV. It gets her wet and ready, she orgasms sooner and more readily, and it's all good.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Dalek Sek said:


> I won't get too graphic here but I can tell that she's not actually touching herself. Just watching it. Or at least just touching herself through her panties or something.
> 
> I'll just try to stop worrying about it.
> 
> We're both very techy people and when we started dating years ago we both agreed that going through a phone or computer was a pretty big thing. I found out by accident the first time but then got worried and snooped more than I should. It would be a huge fight.


I say call her on it. you soud to beta grow a pair and have a confrontation with her about it.



or just start watching it and let her catch you. if she balks then bring up her watching activities. and say whats good for the kitty is good for the dog!

now do you want an honest open marriage or are we keeping secerets and hidding things from eachother what else are you hidding. 


then decide if you want to be married to someone who hides things from you.


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## Dalek Sek (Jul 31, 2013)

She's well aware that I watch porn. I just don't do it right before we have sex or even on days that I think there's a strong possibility of it.


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## abuginarug (May 20, 2012)

If it was up on the iPad, I have a feeling she isn't trying to hide it, or doesn't want to hide it. Let her know you saw it, tell her you're okay or not okay with it. I can't imagine it'll be a big deal unless you embarrass or shame her....


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

I do this too, or read something that translates to erotica for me.

It's not because I don't love my partner, or because I don't find him attractive, but I've found that if I don't, being in the mood is kind of a crap shoot for me.
This way, I KNOW I'm ready to rock his world, and I love that feeling as much as the act itself. Once we get started, the previous porn/fiction never even crosses my mind, it's all about him.

On the hiding issue... I would talk to her about it outright if it concerns you that much. I don't hide that I watch/read it, but the things that turn me on aren't 'normal' porn-y things, and that's highly embarrassing to me. I would be mortified if my partner just randomly went snooping/tried to watch it with me, and that would totally kill any chances of us having sex that night.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

abuginarug said:


> If it was up on the iPad, I have a feeling she isn't trying to hide it, or doesn't want to hide it. Let her know you saw it, tell her you're okay or not okay with it. I can't imagine it'll be a big deal unless you embarrass or shame her....


you should know the answer to any question you have regarding your wife. Period.
Ask her, if you can tell anyway then no need to mention the Ipad. IF she lies to you then she can be called out on the lie.
Then you can tell her about the Ipad. She can forgive that and you can forgive her lie. 
As far as you both being techies and not going through one another's computers...What is their to hide?
My wife and I share all passwords as a point of having nothing to hide. Just a question as I would not think it smart to have a virtual life that is separate from reality and if she is secretly watching porn before sex what else is she secretly doing?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Entirely Different....why are you ashamed of what you read/watch to the point that you can't share it with him? Do you not trust that he is adult enough to understand your real desires? And if so, why?


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I watch porn sometimes before sex with my husband (and not just lesbian stuff; I find plenty with men that I like.) Sometimes it helps me get extra revved up and just changes the dynamic a bit; sometimes I'm just reallllyyyyy horny and want to get started a little early (like if my H is in the shower, or has work to do before bed.) It definitely only ever *enhances* the real thing with my husband; it's not a replacement or something for comparison. It's rather like using a toy--something to be pulled out to change things up. I'll sometimes use porn for a few weeks, then stop for awhile. Sometimes I go for months without it. 

My husband knows I watch porn, but I don't know if he knows I sometimes do it right before sex. I guess I'd rather he not know, not that it's a big deal if he does. I know he watches by himself sometimes. We do enjoy watching it together, too. 

I'm with EntirelyDifferent--I'd feel bad if my husband snooped to find out about my solo porn use. I'd rather he just ask me. Some of what I watch is . . . rather unconventional. He generally knows this, but I think he'd perhaps be a little disturbed if I showed him some. We have a huge overlap in the porn that turns us both on, and then we each have some of our "own thing." I LIKE that we don't know everything about each other; it somehow eroticizes our relationship. I think he feels the same way. It's totally about trust--I don't need or want to know all his secrets.  And I'd never snoop--I'd just ask him. 

I guess if it bothers you that much, you should talk to your wife about it, but at least cop to snooping and apologize. I'm guessing that her porn use has nothing to do with you; it's just what SHE likes. If you're happy with your sex life, then tread carefully here . . .


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## mchalliar (Jul 30, 2013)

When my wife watches porn she's always embarrassed that I find out... but we watch together or sometimes, I'll come into the bedroom and find her masturbating to porn... I laugh and ask if she'd like a hand... honestly... you've got nothing to worry about.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> I do this too, or read something that translates to erotica for me.
> 
> It's not because I don't love my partner, or because I don't find him attractive, but I've found that if I don't, being in the mood is kind of a crap shoot for me.


The only reason I would even consider getting myself amped up before sex is if my partner wasn't doing it for me.

Because of that, it would drive me bonkers to know that my SO routinely felt the need to view porn before sex with me. If I couldn't get turned on without porn, I'd be second guessing what I'm doing with him. Likewise, if I'm not enough to turn him on, I'd expect him to go find someone else that can.

But that's probably just me ...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No, always, it isn't just you.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

always_alone said:


> The only reason I would even consider getting myself amped up before sex is if my partner wasn't doing it for me.
> 
> Because of that, it would drive me bonkers to know that my SO routinely felt the need to view porn before sex with me. If I couldn't get turned on without porn, I'd be second guessing what I'm doing with him. Likewise, if I'm not enough to turn him on, I'd expect him to go find someone else that can.
> 
> But that's probably just me ...


Everyone is different! I'm sure you're not the only one who feels this way. I think the OP perhaps can benefit from reassurance from women who DO use porn before sex for reasons OTHER than that they can't get turned on without it. 

Porn use is one of those things that cannot be assigned one meaning that applies to every individual and every relationship. It IS something that should be discussed if it's causing discomfort for one of the partners in a relationship. We should all be careful not to assume that because porn is not a problem for us as individuals or in our relationship with our spouse, that it shouldn't be a problem for anyone. By the same token, the OP shouldn't assume that his wife's porn use means that she's having problems with her desire for him, or with his performance in bed. 

Communication (and respect) is always key.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I just think that if I am watching something that would disturb my husband behind his back, no matter what the reasons (to get turned on to have sex with him, or just to watch), I can't imagine how I would justify this to myself.

It would feel like he must be my parent or something.

But then, I don't have any shame around these issues, so it is hard for me to relate.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I see what you ware saying because there is a thin line between watching porn to get in an aroused state for sex - and needing sex because you are aroused from porn. One includes thought for the sexual partner and the other uses the sexual partner.

I wish I had never found out I could get porn on my kindle, that's all I can say about that. The thought I would infect our main computer or the kids would find something kept me from looking at it more than once per year.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I can understand why you would be a little upset about this. Your feelings are the reason that I choose not to bring up the topic with my own husband. 

I dont do it all the time, but sometimes I do. And here is why...

I have a very hard time reaching orgasm with a partner. I have to be extremely aroused and have a ton of foreplay to even get close. Most of the time I just skip orgasm for me when we have sex. My husband does not know this. 

Sometimes I dont feel like skipping my own finale. But we have young kids, not a lot of time to spend on long sessions or setting the mood. Its 100 times easier for me to watch 5 minutes of something super racy to fast forward the whole process. It also turns my husband on immensely if I show up ready to party and I feed off of his excitement. 

My husband doesnt know that I have trouble orgasming - at least not the full extent of how difficult it is. I feel I cannot talk to him about it because it would crush him. He is very sensitive and it would hurt him horribly, he would take it personally. Even though I see the problem as solely mine to live with. Its actually the easiest its ever been with him, with previous partners I never even got into the same zip code. 

Just throwing out my experience as a possibility.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

kag123...my guess would be the OP's wife has a similar issue.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I just think that if I am watching something that would disturb my husband behind his back, no matter what the reasons (to get turned on to have sex with him, or just to watch), I can't imagine how I would justify this to myself.
> 
> It would feel like he must be my parent or something.
> 
> But then, I don't have any shame around these issues, so it is hard for me to relate.


You don't need to feel shame to be able to relate.  I think it's not uncommon for some people to not be able to "put themselves in other sexual shoes," so to speak. Relationships are so varied and wonderful, aren't they? What makes you feel like "he must be my parent or something" gives me an erotic thrill. It's all good!


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

GettingIt said:


> It's all good!


Is it though? How far can a secret sex life extend before it isn't good anymore?

And how does secret sex life jibe with great communication? Isn't it one or the other?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes, it is great that relationships are so varied.

But I still stand by the "if I wouldn't do it in front of my spouse, I shouldn't do it" rule.

Not that I have any great desire to do anything I wouldn't do in front of him, KWIM? I don't feel pulled to watch porn without him, and there is no content that I would feel ashamed if he knew I liked it. That doesn't mean I don't like freaky sh*t either, cuz I totally do. I just don't hide anything from him because that is a slippery slope in marriage. If I can't be myself with my one and only lover, I am married to the wrong guy.

That's just my take on things...but I've been divorced once and I know how "wrong" things can go, so I have done everything I can do to not have dark hiding corners in my marriage this time. In my last marriage, "privacy" was a really big deal. But what really happened was simply that we never really knew each other because we somehow wanted to keep things "private" instead of having true, open intimacy and sharing our deepest selves.

When I was single, I really enjoyed having a solo sex life all to myself and I loved exploring parts of myself by myself. If I still felt I needed to do that in this marriage, I would. But I would do it openly. I'm not afraid for him to know the type of porn I watch. To me, THAT is not a relevant factor of my inner self, it is simply a piece of unimportant fluff. But that's exactly why I'd never hide it.

Keeping mystery between us, to me, doesn't mean hiding the types of porn we like from each other, because what does preferred porn choice really SAY about any of us? To me, not much. I don't even really understand why people cling to it so tightly, like it is a cherished and precious part of their sex lives.

And again....please no one mistake this to mean that I don't enjoy freaky ass porn, cuz I do. It just doesn't mean anything about me or my sex life.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

always_alone said:


> Is it though? How far can a secret sex life extend before it isn't good anymore?


I think we all have to answer that for ourselves.

I don't have a secret sex life--at least that is not how I (or my husband) would classify our porn use habits if "secret" means we willfully are doing something that would be hurtful to the other person if they found out. 

It might not be what would work for you, of course. And what you have wouldn't work for me. And that's what I meant by "it's all good." If it's working for your relationship, then enjoy!


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## Dalek Sek (Jul 31, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> kag123...my guess would be the OP's wife has a similar issue.


I don't think so. She uses a small vibrator in addition to me being inside her sometimes. She definitely can't get off with just penetration alone but usually a helpful hand from myself or herself gets it done.

But yeah... Maybe she's just speeding things up. Anyway... I feel better about it now. Not gonna stress about it unless other issues come up.

All of this "secret sex life" talk is blowing stuff WAAAAAAAAAAAAY out of proportion though. We both know that each other watches porn. I just didn't realize WHEN she watched it.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Let me see if I am getting this right....

Your wife likes to get herself ready for sex with you by watching fem. solo, or lesbian porn....

And it makes sex better, makes her cum more quickly, makes her more willing to engage in kinkier behavior more often........

I have one suggestion...Go out to the garage, get a hammer, and smash your thumb with it REALLY HARD....

Then you will have something to worry about.....

Tens of thousands of men would love to have this problem, or your wife...Stop over thinking, relax, and enjoy..... 

the woodchuck


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Dalek...as long as you feel good about it, that's all that matters.


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## Dalek Sek (Jul 31, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> Let me see if I am getting this right....
> 
> Your wife likes to get herself ready for sex with you by watching fem. solo, or lesbian porn....
> 
> ...


I forgot to add one thing... My hammer is broken.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

Woodchuck said:


> Let me see if I am getting this right....
> 
> Your wife likes to get herself ready for sex with you by watching fem. solo, or lesbian porn....
> 
> ...


I fully agree! there is nothing wrong with women watching porn! they enjoy getting stimulated and getting into the right frame of mind so that u do not have to warm their engine up! 

well some people get things easily on a platter and still they complain... :scratchhead:


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes, it is great that relationships are so varied.
> 
> But I still stand by the "if I wouldn't do it in front of my spouse, I shouldn't do it" rule.


Sounds like it's an important rule for you--kudos for knowing yourself and sticking to it!



Faithful Wife said:


> Not that I have any great desire to do anything I wouldn't do in front of him, KWIM?


I know what you mean in so far as I recognize this as a valid desire. It's not my desire, is all.  



Faithful Wife said:


> I don't feel pulled to watch porn without him, and there is no content that I would feel ashamed if he knew I liked it.


Me neither. Shame is not good. 

I feel the need to point out here that "shame" is a word you have used a few times, and it does not apply to my situation. 



Faithful Wife said:


> That doesn't mean I don't like freaky sh*t either, cuz I totally do. I just don't hide anything from him because that is a slippery slope in marriage. If I can't be myself with my one and only lover, I am married to the wrong guy.


Sounds like you got the right guy for you!



Faithful Wife said:


> That's just my take on things...but I've been divorced once and I know how "wrong" things can go, so I have done everything I can do to not have dark hiding corners in my marriage this time. In my last marriage, "privacy" was a really big deal. But what really happened was simply that we never really knew each other because we somehow wanted to keep things "private" instead of having true, open intimacy and sharing our deepest selves.


You have gained wisdom from experience. Although the journey can be painful, the rewards can be great. 



Faithful Wife said:


> When I was single, I really enjoyed having a solo sex life all to myself and I loved exploring parts of myself by myself. If I still felt I needed to do that in this marriage, I would. But I would do it openly.


One of the joys of adversity is the ability to know ourselves better.  



Faithful Wife said:


> I'm not afraid for him to know the type of porn I watch. To me, THAT is not a relevant factor of my inner self, it is simply a piece of unimportant fluff. But that's exactly why I'd never hide it.


I can't speak for others, but I am not "afraid." I find it pleasurable--_naughty_ if you will. If I got caught I think I'd be torn between embarrassment and extreme titillation. Hmmm . . . I seem to eroticize embarrassment a lot, come to reflect on some of my fantasies . . . )



Faithful Wife said:


> Keeping mystery between us, to me, doesn't mean hiding the types of porn we like from each other, because what does preferred porn choice really SAY about any of us? To me, not much.


I don't know that it always says anything important about us. For some individuals it might be illuminating. I wouldn't mind knowing what my predilections say about me. Perhaps there is a study? 

I guess I tend towards curiosity here. 



Faithful Wife said:


> I don't even really understand why people cling to it so tightly, like it is a cherished and precious part of their sex lives.


Hmmm, well, I'm not comfortable judging who "clings to it so tightly." I can say that I really like it, but I'd still have a great sex life if all porn evaporated tomorrow. It's just another way to add variety and spice for me. 



Faithful Wife said:


> And again....please no one mistake this to mean that I don't enjoy freaky ass porn, cuz I do. It just doesn't mean anything about me or my sex life.


I'm sure you're plenty freaky.  You don't have to be able to appreciate ALL sexual predilections in order to have a rockin' sex life. Carry on!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm fascinated by the fact some women are into porn they consider so deviant they can't stand the thought of their husbands knowing about. Not that it's any of my business but I'm dying to know what it might be. 

Seriously though...I think the people that are telling to OP to simply buck up and accept it are missing the point. If it were in reverse and a woman was here posting about being concerned her partner was watching porn in order to get himself "hard" enough to have sex with her I think the advice would be different. No one wants to feel they can't turn their spouse on on their own. Some are going to feel insecure about a partner who gets revved up looking at others.

The reality is it's completely personal. If it bothers him he should address it with her.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

I would feel hurt by this for sure! However a lot of men get their sex ed from porn so it's quick kissing, grope, grope, grab genitals, lick a little and then straight to pound town. Does she need to warm up because you aren't doing this for her? Some women can take up to 30 min to get aroused sufficiently. Maybe she's using this as a speedy way to get herself ready for intercourse? I don't think it's normal to need porn to get excited for sex or to make yourself horny enough to do kinky things. I can understand it giving a couple ideas or using it together but...

I guess you need to ask yourself if you're ok with it or if you or she thinks something is missing.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I do think some of us ladies fret over how long it might take to get aroused and the fretting subtracts from the overall pleasure of the experience. 

I admit I have done this as well bit it is honestly not because my H cant do it. It is just a mental thing - the fear of him feeling inconvenienced. 

(I just got back from my therapist where we discussed this very topic. It can be a very real fear even if you are aware you are being irrational.)

However, Miss Scarlett has laid off the porn and the electric vibe in order to have a more organic experience. Organic orgasm, that's the ticket.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

MissScarlett H is reading a book called Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex and it has helped him realize just how different us women are when it comes to sex. I used to get so anxious about oral because it took me so long to orgasm. H loves doing it and never complained but it was all me!! After this book we both realize we are not taking enough time to enjoy sensual sex!


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

WOW!!!!

It's rare you see such hypocrisy in action like in this thread. 

In *every single* thread about men with porn habits, we get the regular forum members (I can even name them if you wish) that call such men "porn addicts" and claim their porn watching is unhealthy, and they need to stop.

Yet here we have a thread about a woman watching porn, with the husband concerned that she needs it to get in the mood for sex, and the responses are all: _*"don't worry about it, it's normal and healthy."*_

WTH?? :scratchhead:

Just FYI, I think there's nothing wrong with what the wife is doing in this case. But if the genders were reversed I wouldn't see anything wrong with it either. It's the blatant double standard that I think is wrong and unhelpful.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I'm fascinated by the fact some women are into porn they consider so deviant they can't stand the thought of their husbands knowing about.


I'm not sure if I'm one of the women you are talking about, but in the case that I am: it's not that I can't stand the thought of my husband knowing, just that I'm aware that some of what I look at goes way beyond his kink factor and something about that makes me a tad embarrassed. But it's not a negative feeling, either. It's rather a turn on. In my marriage, my desire to sometimes watch porn by myself and watch porn that I know my husband wouldn't be in to is not tantamount to having a damaging secret. He knows I do it, he likes that I do it. (And I know he does it, and I like that he does it. And we watch together, too.)

Inspired by this thread, I actually asked my husband about the issue last night. He seemed incredulous that I would worry that he even cared that I watched porn on my own, that I sometimes watched it right before sex with him, or that it was some "weird azzed sh1t." (And then he promptly started to try to get me to tell about about the "weird azzed sh1t," and then later when we were having a beer, he pulled out the laptop and proceeded to try and get me to show him some of it, which I did, which led to a rather hot night, but I digress . . . )




MaritimeGuy said:


> Not that it's any of my business but I'm dying to know what it might be.


You might not consider it deviant at all. My husband has pretty conventional tastes when it comes to porn--mine is a little more "out there" but certainly not anything illegal or borderline in any way. In addition to some pretty mainstream stuff, I like steampunk porn, monster porn, some hentai, group/gang and some stuff that pushes the violence envelope probably more than most women like (I could be wrong--I don't talk to other women about porn!) 




MaritimeGuy said:


> Seriously though...I think the people that are telling to OP to simply buck up and accept it are missing the point. If it were in reverse and a woman was here posting about being concerned her partner was watching porn in order to get himself "hard" enough to have sex with her I think the advice would be different. No one wants to feel they can't turn their spouse on on their own. Some are going to feel insecure about a partner who gets revved up looking at others.
> 
> The reality is it's completely personal. If it bothers him he should address it with her.


I agree that if the OP is bothered by it, he should address it by talking to his wife. Until he asks her, he shouldn't try to make guesses about her motivation and he certainly shouldn't act on any assumptions.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

My only point was some are going to see it as a negative while others are going to see it as a positive... potentially saving them some effort in the bedroom. 

There's no shame in either position. We can't just change how we feel about something just because someone tells us to. I just cringe a bit when I see people being told their feelings are not valid.


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

Dalek Sek said:


> My wife and I got married in April. We've never really had any sex issues that I'm aware of. It's frequent and always good. However... I recently realized that she's started watching porn before we have sex. It's happened about four out of the last five times. She doesn't know that I know. A couple weeks ago, I could tell that she had "started without me" and when I went to go use her iPad, I saw that she was watching porn right before we got going. This is usually when we have planned on having sex that night and when I'm in the shower or out of the house immediately beforehand. It's mostly girls masturbating or lesbian stuff which doesn't really bother me. I know most women prefer lesbian or female solo porn for obvious reasons. Porn dudes are gross and women never orgasm in straight porn.
> 
> We used to watch porn together early in our relationship then she wasn't into it anymore. She hasn't watched porn in a couple of years other than when I was out of town then it just started again.
> 
> ...


You're having sex frequently? Shut up, stop worrying, and go back to having sex with your attentive, horny wife.


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## Early Grayce (Jan 19, 2012)

For the record, my wife will not look at porn but she loves to read erotic books on her Nook. One weekend she had a masturbation marathon while reading.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

be happy


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Dalek Sek said:


> My wife and I got married in April. We've never really had any sex issues that I'm aware of. It's frequent and always good. However... I recently realized that she's started watching porn before we have sex. It's happened about four out of the last five times. She doesn't know that I know. A couple weeks ago, I could tell that she had "started without me" and when I went to go use her iPad, I saw that she was watching porn right before we got going. This is usually when we have planned on having sex that night and when I'm in the shower or out of the house immediately beforehand. It's mostly girls masturbating or lesbian stuff which doesn't really bother me. I know most women prefer lesbian or female solo porn for obvious reasons. Porn dudes are gross and women never orgasm in straight porn.
> 
> We used to watch porn together early in our relationship then she wasn't into it anymore. She hasn't watched porn in a couple of years other than when I was out of town then it just started again.
> 
> ...




If my wife started viewing porn to get her more in the mood, wouldn't bother me. As long as there are no dark on going secrets in our marriage and everything is on the up and up.

Find out what porn she is viewing, without her knowing, and surprise her, doing it with her.

If you used to watch porn together and she obviously likes this, don't stop watching it with her.

So after viewing porn, she is wet and ready to go? And you feel weird? Wow. I'd be the happiest guy in the world if I had a wife like that. That tells me she has a high healthy sex drive!!!

Just have a talk with her and say, I like to view porn and want to view it with me? And then view the porn she likes without letting her know it.

You guys can do whatever you want in your marriage, its all okay. Or would you rather have a LD wife, who only has vanilla sex and no porn or anything?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Theseus said:


> WOW!!!!
> 
> It's rare you see such hypocrisy in action like in this thread.
> 
> ...


Couldn't agree more. Not one of the anti porn brigade showed up. I guess if a woman doing it do a man it doesn't count.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I think since most women are LD, when they view porn and really get in the mood and adventurous sex, their sex drives get to what us men would like, so we all say its normal and healthy. But when us men with HD's watch porn, the LD ladies say we are addicts and pigs and we have problems because they don't see their LD as the issue or want to meet us half way.

In the porn industry, who makes the most money, the ladies do and not the men. Women are worth way more than men.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

richie33 said:


> Couldn't agree more. Not one of the anti porn brigade showed up. I guess if a woman doing it do a man it doesn't count.


Meh. Only because everyone ignores you when you make comments about women. But jump down your throat and scream bloody murder if you hint that a man's porn use might be problematic.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> I think since most women are LD, when they view porn and really get in the mood and adventurous sex, their sex drives get to what us men would like, so we all say its normal and healthy. But when us men with HD's watch porn, the LD ladies say we are addicts and pigs and we have problems because they don't see their LD as the issue or want to meet us half way.


I think it's because men don't seem to care at all what her motivations are or what she's thinking, or even if she's faking it It only matters that she is wet and enthusiastic, and fine if she is dreaming about the neighbour, the movie star, the brother, or the porn star while she's doing you.

Women, on the other hand, would (I think) prefer that their partner is actually thinking about and attracted to them while getting it on.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

always_alone said:


> I think it's because men don't seem to care at all what her motivations are or what she's thinking, or even if she's faking it It only matters that she is wet and enthusiastic, and fine if she is dreaming about the neighbour, the movie star, the brother, or the porn star while she's doing you.
> 
> Women, on the other hand, would (I think) prefer that their partner is actually thinking about and attracted to them while getting it on.


I am not one of those guys that does not care how she got wet. Porn aside, I have never been one to say whatever my wife wants to do is ok as she comes home ready for sex. i.e. go out on GNOs with other men. I am not bashing porn though. I have little doubt that there is a double standard here.

But this is just me.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> I think since most women are LD, when they view porn and really get in the mood and adventurous sex, their sex drives get to what us men would like, so we all say its normal and healthy. But when us men with HD's watch porn, the LD ladies say we are addicts and pigs and we have problems because they don't see their LD as the issue or want to meet us half way.
> 
> In the porn industry, who makes the most money, the ladies do and not the men. Women are worth way more than men.


I do not think most women are LD


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Men have much higher sex drives compared to women because we are primarily built on testosterone and it doesn't take much of anything to get us in the mood many times every day.

On TAM, the ladies here are in situations were they have a LD hubby and they are HD.

But my life experiences have taught me, men are the hornier, high sex drive, many times each day, nothing to get in the mood ones.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

kag123 said:


> I can understand why you would be a little upset about this. Your feelings are the reason that I choose not to bring up the topic with my own husband.
> 
> I dont do it all the time, but sometimes I do. And here is why...
> 
> ...


I think if he learned about you hiding this fact from him he would be twice as crushed. Not to mention how does he know how to get better at accomplishing the goal if he is not aware of the hurdles. You are not doing him, or yourself any favors, you just are not willing to deal with it out in the open. Maybe it would hurt him a bit, but that is surface pain caused by our ego's. He will be fine. You should have more faith in him as a man. You should not be pretending.


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