# Wife has a short fuse, swears too often



## skiiroy (Jul 7, 2011)

Hi, long story short - my wife and I were going through a severe relationship crisis that almost ended our marriage. We reconciled and are both making a huge effort to remain together.

However, my wife has this habit of being far too impatient with others. She usually doesn't try this with me, but I hate to be with someone who's like that inside.

For instance during her daily commute she'll be constantly pissed and swearing at the drivers around, the majority of whom she believe can't drive. Again, there was this family friend who turned out to be a total ******* - and she adds a few foul words whenever she speaks his name, despite that he helped us out immensely at one point too.

I'm not the swearing type, and I can't take this kind of behavior. Our marriage has gone through a lot; should I be bothered by her swearing habit? I have tried explaining my stand to her - no need losing one's cool over everyday trivialities, people are made up of good and bad... But my efforts just seem to infuriate her further and we end up fighting.

Any advice welcome.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I believe I'd address her road rage as the safety problem that it is instead of some character defect. You care about her safety so you'd like to help her work on not getting upset while she drives. There's all sorts of information, statistics, and help online that deals with road rage. 
Have a little fun with it. If you're out or around the house and she starts cussing, grab her up in your arms, give her a long, wet kiss with a little tongue and tell her how much potty mouthed women turn you on. It's hard to cuss when someone's tongue is down your throat. Both of these approaches deal with the cussing but won't involve rejecting her or attacking her character.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

People don't respond well to being scolded about being irritated by something. Since all you want is the last word, just tell your wife that.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Is she a virgo by any chance? 

Virgo is notorious for expecting perfection from others and being very testy with those who don't meet expectations. 

Road rage is dangerous and that absolutely needs to be addressed. Swearing is just a bad habit that can be broken with enough practice. Neither of these things means she has some sort of major defect. 

I fully agree with Unbelievable's post.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

If I was doing something my fiance didn't like, I would want to know and I would try and change my behaviour.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well which is it? Do you simply not like swearing or are you talking about some wider set of behaviors?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Well which is it? Do you simply not like swearing or are you talking about some wider set of behaviors?


Who me? 

Any behaviour, swearing included. I really don't swear much at all. Maybe if I hurt myself badly I do. But any behaviour he didn't like, if he scolded me, I wouldn't mind, as long as he was being reasonable, not like if he didn't want me to brush my teeth twice a day, because it was annoying him or something equally strange, that most people need to do. 

If I swore while I was driving and he said "I don't want you using language like that" I might ask why, and then I would listen, but then I would try my hardest to refrain.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife curses in 3 languages. I stick to basic Anglo-Saxon monosyllabic raving. But I am constantly getting nagged when I'm driving and cursing everyone out. I swear I will put an antitank missile on the roof. Solve that road rage problem with armor piercing explosives.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> My wife curses in 3 languages. I stick to basic Anglo-Saxon monosyllabic raving. But I am constantly getting nagged when I'm driving and cursing everyone out. I swear I will put an antitank missile on the roof. Solve that road rage problem with armor piercing explosives.


:rofl: *snort*


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It actually bothers my son the most. Oddly. No shrinking violet he, I guess he can't stand it when someone else yells.


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## skiiroy (Jul 7, 2011)

Thank you so much for all the responses. I try my best not to pick on her nerves, especially when she's angry. I've tried humor but it hasn't worked very well.

The thing is when she loses her temper and starts attacking me verbally - she's downright nasty. She will say stuff that I could never say to her, however angry I was.

That hurts. When she cools down, she's all nice again, but her temper is really alienating to say the least.

A heads up here - she doesn't believe in counseling, so suggesting anger management therapy or the sorts isn't going to be very helpful..


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I'm curious what your marriage crisis was and how it was resolved. I wonder if her intense anger is the result of her not really being over the crisis. For example, if you were unfaithful, it could take her several years to get over her anger. 

Underneath anger is hurt. Anger is the defensive posture of sadness/hurt feelings. It's too bad she doesn't believe in counseling because it can really, really help.


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## skiiroy (Jul 7, 2011)

Our crisis was simply this: we are very different people, and our differences spilled out onto our social lives. For example my wife has hardly any contact with any relatives from my side. Long story short - no, no unfaithfulness took place; basically it took us a very long time to understand each other, and honestly I still don't think we have.


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