# How do you deal with toxic friends?



## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

My wife has several long term close friends. Two years post D-Day, my wife has fessed up to something I always knew which is that one of those friends has never been supportive of out marriage. She also informed me of something I never knew, which is that the toxic single friend had been carrying on an affair with a married man for 25 years and just broke it off. I'm sure my wife was supportive of her friend for all those years. This is not just a man or woman question. A man may be enabling his buddy to cheat, etc.

So, I'm curious........how have you dealt with toxic friends (who may even be related)?
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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Get rid of the toxic friend, related or not, she will give poor advice to your wife and is source of mischief.
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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's around a friend who's long term lifestyle involved cheating.

It's pretty clear the friends views on fidelity.

Guess what happens next - the friend is gonna need a wing-woman to go hit bars and social spots. You happy with your wife being with her?


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

Not happy at all. My wife does not hang out with her now and the situation at this end is good. But my wife spent a long time sharing the fog with her friend and being supportive of her friend's affair. I'm sure that played a part in massive problems my wife and I are now recovering from.
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Is your wife going to IC? I ask because in another thread you stated that she had several EA and one PA (with your former best friend and best man).


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Treat as a clear and present lethal danger. Remove with extreme prejudice.
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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Treat as a clear and present lethal danger. Remove with extreme prejudice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Nailed it!:iagree:


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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

Yes, morituri, that other thread was accurate. NC over two years now, transparency and yes to counseling. And yes to unasked questions about verify.
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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

You have an unsightly mole... You've dealt with it for a longtime even though you don't like it...

You just found out it was cancer... 

Will you just watch it and hope it doesn't spread?
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## JustWaiting (Jun 28, 2011)

Thanks, Pit.
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I deal with "toxic" friends/people pretty simply: I cut them out of my life.


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I deal with "toxic" friends/people pretty simply: I cut them out of my life.


:iagree:


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## Tover26 (Oct 29, 2011)

I make fun of their ironies. Toxic people always have this seeming desire to meddle with other people's lives from their lofty thrones of "I'm so awesome and unassailable that I am allowed to meddle". But when you get right down to it, they always have these twisted things. The last toxic person was my father in law. I finally sat my wife down and tried to explain to her that he was lying. It didn't work. So I made fun of his behavior, not him, and after a while, that seemed to stick. You have to be funny about it though and keep it from getting personal. 

An example is that he is always changing jobs and it's never his fault but he's always the first to give advice to others. I finally started writing his gems of advice down and when I talked to him, he inevitably mentioned a recent job change and I verbatim handed him back his own advice. My wife did not appreciate it, but later when it was just the two of us, I went about 10 jobs her dad had had back in time and applied his gems to each situation and finally said, "Look I know he's your dad, but he's lying. He got fired. If only he had listened to his own advice about..." Beause it was funny and not personal, it seems to have stuck. In his last job change, my wife recognized it for it was and began to see that his toxic behavior is actually a well-established pattern... obviously she won't be able to change it, but at least she sees it now. Too bad she can't see it in herself.


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