# Sexless Marriage - Is my husband gay or just not that into me?



## meggiepoo (Dec 21, 2011)

I need a man's perspective...

I have been married to my husband for about 3 years. We are both in our late 20's. My husband and I have sex about once a month. My husband is not very affectionate to begin with and in order for him to have sex with me or show any interest in having sex with me he tells me i need to drink several alcoholic beverages, which is fine either I drink them all or I say I can not he finds some reason to not have sex with me. He always blames me for us not having sex. I try very hard to get him back in the mood and he either throws a temper tantrum and ignores me or he just says hes not interested and goes to sleep.

What does this sound like to you? I don't know if my husband just isn't attracted to me or doesnt like sex with me or if hes gay. I am seriously considering the possibility of him being gay. My husband NEVER touches me intimately, when we do have sex its always anal and it literally feels like hes taking a s**t on me. There is no affection, no passion, no intimacy...It feels like I am just there for the ride.

Please help me! My husband is my EVERYTHING, but I am so tired of feeling worthless, ugly and unloved.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

meggiepoo said:


> I need a man's perspective...
> 
> I have been married to my husband for about 3 years. We are both in our late 20's. My husband and I have sex about once a month. My husband is not very affectionate to begin with and in order for him to have sex with me or show any interest in having sex with me he tells me i need to drink several alcoholic beverages, which is fine either I drink them all or I say I can not he finds some reason to not have sex with me. He always blames me for us not having sex. I try very hard to get him back in the mood and he either throws a temper tantrum and ignores me or he just says hes not interested and goes to sleep.
> 
> ...


He's self centered and using you. It's why it's always anal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long did you date him? 

What was he like before you married?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Had to think a bit about this one. Lack of affection or interest in sex is not evidence of being gay. A lot of gay couples don't have anal ... it isn't what defines gay ... so his interest in anal isn't necessarily evidence. What his behavior indicates though is a real problem that goes beyond sexual orientation or sex.

_Posted via *Topify* using Android_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Do I have this right? He wants YOU to be drunk? But he stays sober? Do you loosen up (ie less prudish, more adventurous) when you drink? Or did you mean that HE has to be drunk?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OP has two threads going right now on the same topic.. here is "the rest of the story"



SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I've read all 5 of your posts.
> 
> Your first one was the most telling: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...36874-unaffectionate-marriage.html#post523036
> 
> ...


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/117769-he-just-not-into-me.html


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Thanks EleGirl for the insight. 

OP, how in the world are you accepting this? He's not gay, he's been cheating on you so while him being gay might make this easier for you to digest, that isn't what's happening.

More disconcerting than his treatment of you is that you allow it to happen. Why? I agree with Elegirl, the answer to why you let him treat you this way is what you need to figure out ... not if he's gay. A healthy person (regardless of sexual orientation) would not treat you this way and a healthy person would not accept being treated this way.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Leave him.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

He is probably not gay. He is either cheating on you or has lost interest. If you express that you are willing and sober but yet he insists on you being drunk, something is horribly wrong.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tyler1978 said:


> He is probably not gay. He is either cheating on you or has lost interest. If you express that you are willing and sober but yet he insists on you being drunk, something is horribly wrong.


to the OP....

Another possibility is that mistreating you makes him feel better. There are some people who gain a feeling of superiority and even power when they mistreat someone else. Having a spouse to do this to is a real head trip for them.

Focus on yourself. You have a significant self esteem issue evident by the fact that you are still with him.

Leave him and then get into counseling to figure out why you put up with this mistreatment and can even still say that you care for this guy.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> to the OP....
> 
> Another possibility is that mistreating you makes him feel better. There are some people who gain a feeling of superiority and even power when they mistreat someone else. Having a spouse to do this to is a real head trip for them.
> 
> ...


When they "know they can", it's a "power trip" for literally any individual, unless their actions disgust themself... And even then, "knowing they can"...


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