# How do I become more comfortable with myself.



## ticktock33 (Jun 6, 2014)

When my husband and I were first dating I felt on top of the world. Before then I was always a 3rd wheel and the guys that I liked either thought I was too goody goody or had too much baggage. 

Then I met my husband and we dated for a while, I never felt more loved or desired. A few years ago things hit bottom and we were very resentful towards each other. Mostly about sex and money, we're in a good place now. But I can't seem to stop being self conscious, I always think he is thinking the worse about me and not saying it. He has assured me that he isn't.

He has said things in the past that hurt me so much, for a sensitive person like me it was like someone punching me in the stomach. I know him now and there is a pretty good chance that due to stress or just arguing he was trying to hurt me because I was hurting him.

But I just feel like he doesn't like seeing me hurt or upset so he just says what will make feel better.How do I just take his word at face value? I've always been like this, it's exhausting. I just want to relax and I can't. 

It isn't fair to him either, I'm all for making the person that you've hurt feel comfortable until they feel better. But he is always worried that some simple thing that he has said or a look will send me into a tailspin. 

Any advice? Do any of you ladies have the same problems or issues?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I would strongly suggest reading about how to develop self-esteem and self-confidence, and perhaps visit a therapist a few times to get started on that journey. 

A lot of people struggle with low self-esteem. For the women I know, hitting 40 was something of a turning point--deciding life was too short to waste time worrying about what others thought of us, and gaining in self confidence and self esteem thereafter. But you can make a lot of progress working on it on your own, too, so don't wait! You do not want to pass on your insecurities to any children--especially daughters--you might have.

It might also be a good idea to talk with your h about "fighting fair." No name calling, no meanness. Disagreeing doesn't have to be ugly, and the memory you have of things he's said is one of the reasons such things should be forbidden in a marriage. You can practice calmer disagreement over small things, and when tempers flare, remind each other to fight fair. Of course, if you could truly accept that he was just saying things to hurt you (and see him as a putz for doing it), it wouldn't bother you--it would be all on him. But it still is a better idea to learn to fight fair.

Good luck.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Counseling. You have to change your thought patterns. A good counselor can help you figure out how to stop sabotaging yourself and your relationship with this negative way of thinking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ticktock33 (Jun 6, 2014)

We get along 99 percent of the time, but when we argue it can get ugly fast. I was hoping that it would resolve by itself, maybe it would. But I do want to try therapy, it's a shame to waste time and I do want to get myself together before kids come along.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ticktock33 said:


> Any advice? Do any of you ladies have the same problems or issues?


This lady does: Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | TED Talk | TED.com


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Get some good therapy. Whatever your baggage is, you need to have some professional guidance dealing with it. And don't get pregnant until you feel 100% ok. Kids create vastly more stress on the marriage and will make things worse not better for you.


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