# Wow, I feel like I just took the red pill!



## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

I would like to start out by saying thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If it wasn't for stumbling on this forum earlier this week my marriage and I would still be spiraling down the drain!

To make a very long story short, I've been married for 8 years have 2 kids. We live 300 miles away from each other right now due to work related issues but the wife has been emotionally distant for some time now even before the physical distance. All the love and compassion I would give her would just put me further away. For the life of me I could not figure out why and it's been emotionally taxing! Thanks to this forum I realized I was the "nice guy" (notice I said WAS) and I was running way to hot on her. About 5 days ago since discovering the forum I started implementing some techniques. I turned my temp waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down. I would not initiate conversation, say ily before her, not jump to text her back in a heart beat. I started to focus on myself and choose to be happy. I also started working out again. 

Well yesterday I put my foot down on a boundary I never really made myself clear on. I wasn't mean about it, but stern in my wording. She said she agreed with it and that was that. BUT WAIT there is more!!!
After work she said she was going out for a while, and going to a place where my boundary would potentially be broken!
I DID NOT stand for that! I told her bluntly that by going there she doesn't respect my feelings, respect me, or respect our relationship. And I need some time to think about our relationship. I think that really shocked her, because I have never stood up to her like that before in a clear manner (I was always passive aggressive) After that, I received many text from her, but the best one was this morning when she was on her way to work...

Her: I've been thinking a lot too and I want to fall in love with you again ... I miss you and love you and want to be a real part of your life again... I haven't been trying and I'm sorry ... I want us to be happy again.

Well, thanks to you folks it sounds like I've jump started my marriage. I'm not sure how everything will pan out, but I'm going to do the best I can to work on myself and the marriage! :smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Go visit the forums at No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group - Powered by vBulletin , and read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Glover. If you are truly a Nice Guy you need to read the book.

There are some other good books out there which may help. "When I Say NO, I Feel Guilty" by Smith. "The Way of the Superior Man" by Deida. The last one has some excellent parts especially about how women's minds work. There is a lot of New Age stuff in there which I don't buy into, but there is enough good stuff to recommend you read the book.

You need to get you and your wife located in the same home ASAP. No marriage will survive a long term distance, especially if there is no concrete specific end date to the separation. You may have to make some kind of financial or career sacrifice, but it really does come down to choosing the marriage or the finance/job.


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

Thanks for the references! I'll check them out.

The distance isn't permanent, it does suck though. It's quite a long story. I'm extremely supportive, we moved away together for a job opportunity for her. It didn't pan out very well and she took her old job back miles away. I have my own home business so I'm here with our two kids till the one finishes the school year.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Try not to revert back to your old ways when things get good. You have to make this change permanent. Unfortunately for me I find myself slipping.


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

Honestly, I'm so afraid of slipping. It seems like a balancing act!


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Does she work or is she a SAHM?

We all slip once in a while. Thing is, showing affection is ok but over doing it can make someone pull away. 

So you are gone all week 300 miles away?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

She works the distance, I work at home and have the kids (3 and 8.) We travel every two weeks to see each other and for her to see the kids. Our 8 year old has learning issues, the school where we moved to is giving him the help he needs unlike the last one where we previously lived. Kids complicate things sometimes. If it wasn't for him getting the help he needed here, me and the kids would have moved back with my wife.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Nice to hear a good story now and then. Congrats Numlock and good luck to you.


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> Please don't post links from Chateau Heartiste on here, thanks.


Is that not something I should be applying?


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Sorry, did not know...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> Up to you, but the tone isn't right for this forum.


Gotcha! I see now. :smthumbup:


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Numlock said:


> She works the distance, I work at home and have the kids (3 and 8.) We travel every two weeks to see each other and for her to see the kids. Our 8 year old has learning issues, the school where we moved to is giving him the help he needs unlike the last one where we previously lived. Kids complicate things sometimes. If it wasn't for him getting the help he needed here, me and the kids would have moved back with my wife.



Wow, that's got to be tough. 

Do you guys ever have time alone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numlock (Mar 7, 2014)

jerry123 said:


> Wow, that's got to be tough.
> 
> Do you guys ever have time alone?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, We have alone time when we see each other. Definitely not like before the kids though. I absolutely love my kids, but the connection my wife and I had before the first one was AMAZING! I think I got pushed beneath the kids and her work.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

It's always good to see someone awaken. Bully for you.

It will be a balancing act as you go forward, and effects those around you. You will learn quickly who really cares for you and who is just using you. If you've been like this a long time you will have taught others how they should treat you. Have patience with them while they adjust to your changes, but don't back down. 

Thor gave you the link and the book where you can find a plan to work through. No More Mr Nice Guy

Don't over look what emotional needs you both need in the marriage. This book will give you that information. Home | The 5 Love Languages® Take the quiz with your wife and find out what you need from each other.

Welcome and good luck.


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