# Is texting OK for communicating?



## DevotedHubby47

It seems like my wife can only communicate with me in depth through texts anymore.. Maybe I’m just old school but I would much rather talk it out. 

For the last several years she has gotten more used to texting on a daily basis with friends and also our 2 adult daughters. Me, on the other hand (maybe just a guy thing), usually limit our texts to “ok” or “yes” or “no” etc.. Both my wife and daughters laugh at me for it, lol! 

Wife can seem to have long, drawn out conversations via texts.. I just dont get it! 

This has spilled over to our personal,
Intimate issues.. She texts me during the day and want to talk about things but I keep telling her “we can talk about it later, in person”. But she persists but when I come home from work its like nothing was ever said.. WTH? Is this now an acceptable form of communication? 

Do I need to “get with the times”? 

For context, we are in our late 40’s with 2 adult (early 20’s) daughters.


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## Andy1001

How can I say this without being rude. 
STOP ****ING TEXTING!


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## DevotedHubby47

I agree!! 


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## StarFires

I am just like you.


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## Laurentium

I agree, I think this is a very bad idea. For one thing, because there is a complete lack of the tone of voice and facial expressions that can help in communication. So many women _say_ they'd like a smile, or a touch on the arm, but yet they seem to prefer a medium of communication that prevents it.

And secondly, it can lead to that worst of possible habits. the saving up of things the other person said that you don't like, almost like treasure, and reading them over and over, feeding one's own fires of offence and outrage. I try to teach couples not to say _"...but he once said..." _or_ "but she once said..."_. Texting can make that problem worse.



DevotedHubby47 said:


> But she persists but when I come home from work *its like nothing was ever said*..


What do you mean, it's like nothing was ever said? What happens when you bring it up?


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## Diana7

I am like you and tend to just use texting for specific questions that cant wait. I certainly wouldnt use them to discuss important things.


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## bobert

Why does your wife want to have these conversations by texting? I'm guessing it's because she feels more comfortable when not face to face and it's easier for her. Or maybe you have poor reactions during these conversations? 

Either way, she needs to be able to properly communicate with you though. If she can't, regardless of who is at fault, you would probably benefit from some MC to learn how to communicate.


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## Girl_power

I prefer to text. It helps me get my thoughts across better. There are things I want to say, but somehow doing it In person is hard, I get distracted by the persons response or I forget things. Things get too emotional so I don’t get my point across well.


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## EveningThoughts

I'm the wife, and I switched to communicating by text, as I found that anything serious brought up in conversation would be dismissed by my husband or the conversation changed by him.
Basically my husband stonewalls, and it's very hurtful.

But if you are actually a good communicator, and able to talk through things, it might be that your wife needs time to get her thoughts organised and down on paper, as it were.
Some important parts might get lost or forgotten in an actual conversation, and this way she can keep on track, rather than getting side tracked by your responses at the time.

It's also very therapeutic to write, and some people do it because they enjoy it.
I've found it really helps me.


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## Livvie

bobert said:


> Why does your wife want to have these conversations by texting? I'm guessing it's because she feels more comfortable when not face to face and it's easier for her. Or maybe you have poor reactions during these conversations?
> 
> Either way, she needs to be able to properly communicate with you though. If she can't, regardless of who is at fault, you would probably benefit from some MC to learn how to communicate.


I agree. From the tests you shared in one of your other threads, perhaps she is using texts to be able to throw **** out there at you rather than engage in a real, open and honest exchange of ideas with you.


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## RandomDude

DevotedHubby47 said:


> It seems like my wife can only communicate with me in depth through texts anymore.. Maybe I’m just old school but I would much rather talk it out.
> 
> For the last several years she has gotten more used to texting on a daily basis with friends and also our 2 adult daughters. Me, on the other hand (maybe just a guy thing), usually limit our texts to “ok” or “yes” or “no” etc.. Both my wife and daughters laugh at me for it, lol!
> 
> Wife can seem to have long, drawn out conversations via texts.. I just dont get it!
> 
> This has spilled over to our personal,
> Intimate issues.. She texts me during the day and want to talk about things but I keep telling her “we can talk about it later, in person”. But she persists but when I come home from work its like nothing was ever said.. WTH? Is this now an acceptable form of communication?
> 
> Do I need to “get with the times”?
> 
> For context, we are in our late 40’s with 2 adult (early 20’s) daughters.


Would you prefer she call in the middle of something? 
I don't really like texting either but it suits a purpose especially when you have stuff to get done, and not every thought can be held until later, as nice as that would be.

I also prefer face to face conversation but it's not always possible with two lives to live. It's up to you, it sounds like your wife has still accepted you as you are, based on what you say.


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## LosingHim

I prefer face to face talks, but my husband struggles with it. If he senses any inflection in my voice he will either become angry or shut down. Then I get frustrated and it's all bad. There have been many times that I will start to get frustrated and my voice will raise a bit. He will immediately respond "stop yelling at me! I'm done talking!" even though I'm not yelling, it's just that frustration has made my voice either a little louder (there's a difference between a loud(ish) voice and a yell). I am also VERY guilty of making faces when I talk - even if those faces don't mean anything. Even at work I've been asked after a meeting why I was so annoyed with something. I WASN'T annoyed, my face just has a mind of it's own. I also have natural resting b*tch face so sometimes people assume I'm angry/upset when I'm really not. This happens when discussing things with my husband too - my face may show things I'm not really feeling but I don't realize that I'm doing it at all and my expression may not really be what I'm FEELING. I also cry very easily. If I'm getting frustrated or feel like the conversation is going nowhere, I will tear up - which also makes my husband shut down. (I cried over telling someone about my VOTING decision the other day if that tells you how easy I cry lol). 

What I'm getting at is - text conversation works much better for my husband and I. If I get angry or emotional, he's not hearing my voice or seeing my face so he's able to respond without as much frustration of his own. He doesn't shut down as quickly over text and says things in text that he's not able to say in person. And even if he gets angry and I can tell it through the words in the text, they don't seem to feel as hurtful since I'm also not hearing his voice or seeing his face. 

It is also worth noting though, my husband doesn't have a lot of emotional maturity so it's just a band aid for being able to have real talks.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

RandomDude said:


> Would you prefer she call in the middle of something?
> I don't really like texting either but it suits a purpose especially when you have stuff to get done, and not every thought can be held until later, as nice as that would be.
> 
> I also prefer face to face conversation but it's not always possible with two lives to live. It's up to you, it sounds like your wife has still accepted you as you are, based on what you say.


Barring emergencies of course..

Any W that thinks a working successful H (or spouse) can respond to lengthy text message during a busy work day is completely self centered. 

Here, the H can take the texts and read them at home with her, is a starting point.

All personal relationship communication is alway best in person to obviously add the required body language and tone of voice to the exchanges. 

Otherwise the SO sending texts is just selfishly making lists of problems they can point back to later. 

OP, you may be well to pay attention to any gray areas your W is trying to rewrite history on.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

RandomDude said:


> Would you prefer she call in the middle of something?
> I don't really like texting either but it suits a purpose especially when you have stuff to get done, and not every thought can be held until later, as nice as that would be.
> 
> I also prefer face to face conversation but it's not always possible with two lives to live. It's up to you, it sounds like your wife has still accepted you as you are, based on what you say.


But, I'd add if priorities are set correctly the sufficient time will be created.

If time isn't set aside to do so, that's telling of selfishness right there.


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## RandomDude

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> But, I'd add if priorities are set correctly the sufficient time will be created.
> 
> If time isn't set aside to do so, that's telling of selfishness right there.


Heh if I'm working there's no real time limit to respond. If I'm at home not doing anything important though...


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## aine

Laurentium said:


> I agree, I think this is a very bad idea. For one thing, because there is a complete lack of the tone of voice and facial expressions that can help in communication. So many women _say_ they'd like a smile, or a touch on the arm, but yet they seem to prefer a medium of communication that prevents it.
> 
> And secondly, it can lead to that worst of possible habits. the saving up of things the other person said that you don't like, almost like treasure, and reading them over and over, feeding one's own fires of offence and outrage. I try to teach couples not to say _"...but he once said..." _or_ "but she once said..."_. Texting can make that problem worse.
> 
> 
> 
> What do you mean, it's like nothing was ever said? What happens when you bring it up?


on the other hand I find when we are discussing a controversial or sensitive topic, texting is better because one can stick to the issue without going off on a tangent or being suckered in by some off- the wall comment. I am more articulate that my husband but he is great at deflecting and changing the focus of the topic at hand, so the issue gets side-stepped. For me when it is in text I can clearly sort the dross from the gold and stick to what is important. My husband is good at manipulating esp in arguments and sometimes he ambushes me with another fact or deflects. With texting he cannot do that and I can make him stick to the topic at hand more easily. I notice our recent arguments by text have had more successful outcomes.


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## ABHale

I would rather talk face to face. My wife and I never really text one another.


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## TedyBo

DevotedHubby47 said:


> It seems like my wife can only communicate with me in depth through texts anymore.. Maybe I’m just old school but I would much rather talk it out.
> 
> For the last several years she has gotten more used to texting on a daily basis with friends and also our 2 adult daughters. Me, on the other hand (maybe just a guy thing), usually limit our texts to “ok” or “yes” or “no” etc.. Both my wife and daughters laugh at me for it, lol!
> 
> Wife can seem to have long, drawn out conversations via texts.. I just dont get it!
> 
> This has spilled over to our personal,
> Intimate issues.. She texts me during the day and want to talk about things but I keep telling her “we can talk about it later, in person”. But she persists but when I come home from work its like nothing was ever said.. WTH? Is this now an acceptable form of communication?
> 
> Do I need to “get with the times”?
> 
> For context, we are in our late 40’s with 2 adult (early 20’s) daughters.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I don't see anything wrong with text messages It's fast and convenient and you can find something nice for another person. Many people sometimes do not understand how you can communicate sms with pictures, but you need to treat it easier.. I also communicate with my friends and girlfriend through such SMS, sometimes I want to do something nice and cute and I send some pictures with text with meaning Good Night SMS, Good Night Status Messages well, or just saying good night in this way. Of course, if you are very concerned about this, then talk to the person about it. Say that it is important to you and you want to communicate more and in a different way.


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