# Keeping husband excited/attracted



## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

I am in my early 30s and have been married almost 15 years. We got married very young and have 4 children. Overall our marriage is definitely happy and our sex life has stayed very active with ups and downs around childbirth I think due to gaining/losing weight and my confidence level. 

When we got married my husband was somewhat attractive but a little overweight and didn't take care of his self very well, where I was the complete opposite. Over the last few years my husband has started working out and taking care of his health. He is extremely attractive. Way more attractive than when I married him. I have lost most of my pregnancy weight but am still about 20 pounds heavier than when we married and have a LOT of stretch marks from my four pregnancies. He swears they don't bother him and he says he doesn't notice them but I know that it is not attractive and it makes me feel disgusting at times. I still have a nice shape, look good in clothes and still get compliments from strangers so I know logically I am probably over reacting but have lately been obsessing over these issues. 

Lots of women flirt and look at my husband now and even tell me how attractive he is. I never had to deal with this until recently. Honestly it makes me feel jealous and insecure even though he has done nothing to make me feel that way. He has been faithful and is very loving towards me. I am just afraid with his new looks and attention level he will eventually give in as before I was the prize and he didn't get attention from other women or at least other attractive women. 

Also we have had a few problems with Ed when he is tired. He swears it has nothing to do with me but I can't help to feel like it is me and am afraid that he will want a more attractive woman without the battle scars of pregnancy. 

I have been trying to step up my "girl game" as I know I have become comfortable and somewhat lazy. I work full time in the medical field and am often just plain exhausted and dont have any extra energy on my days off. I don't always do my hair, makeup or dress attractively when we are together like I used to so I am trying to change this. 

What else can I do to make him stay attracted and excited. Are my worries valid? Help lol.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
First - ED really doesn't have anything to do with you. If it happens, just find other fun things to do that time. The biggest cause of ED is stress, and worrying about ED is a big source so stress. So if it happens, he still has working fingers and a tongue, let him use them to please you so he doesn't feel he has failed you in some way.

Has he given any indication that is he is losing interest in you? In my case I'm still extremely attracted to my wife - after 30 years of marraige - she is in her mid 50s, with a badly scarred breast from cancer. I don't see that, I see the beautiful 18 year old I met by a camp fire so many years ago. 

Attitude is everything. Act as if you know he is attracted to you - and of course show him attention in return.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

You could ask him what his favorite thing you wear is and believe him.

My wife needs to put makeup on and do her hair up before being seen in public. I could care less, it makes zero difference to me.

She bemoans the fact that her tits don't stand straight out any more, I think her floppy dangly boobs look great unrestrained around the house by the over the shoulder boulder holder. 

Get the idea?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I think we all face these insecurities at one time or another. I was looking at myself yesterday evening in the full size mirror. Yikes. My lower tummy looks like a zebra and I swear if you rub hard on some of them they will bleed. What you gonna do, it's your badge of honor.

Get your self some knew nighties. Cream up with some nice smelling lotion at bed time. Wear bit of make up at home on the weekends, just mascara and some eyeliner/shadows. Get some nice fitting house clothes, so you are not wearing sweats at home. Put your sexy game on girlfriend.

Stay positive and don't project your insecurities onto your husband. And working out even for 15 minutes will help with your energy level. I am sure your husband loves you just the way you are. You are the woman he choose as his wife and the mother of his children. All those lines just tells him how much you sacrificed for those beautiful babies. And he loves you for it.

F those hoes who think they are creep in your shoes. Treat your man nice, as if he is all that and have his back. Those other women don't matter, just white noise to him. A little bit of ego boost. You get the fruit of their comments. Stay fun and enjoy your man and your marriage.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

he doesn't sound like the kind of guy that will stray and i would take what he says at face value. i think he's telling the truth.


just keep trying to be your best. as we all should.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> First - ED really doesn't have anything to do with you. If it happens, just find other fun things to do that time. The biggest cause of ED is stress, and worrying about ED is a big source so stress. So if it happens, he still has working fingers and a tongue, let him use them to please you so he doesn't feel he has failed you in some way.
> 
> Has he given any indication that is he is losing interest in you? In my case I'm still extremely attracted to my wife - after 30 years of marraige - she is in her mid 50s, with a badly scarred breast from cancer. I don't see that, I see the beautiful 18 year old I met by a camp fire so many years ago.
> ...


No he has not give me any indication of becoming unattracted and compliments me all the time and often tells me I am beautiful. I am very lucky indeed. This is all my insecurities and I know it. I think just reading about and knowing about other men that cheat worry me. I am human too and have been attracted to other people at times without acting on it. Idk I think most of it comes from him going from so so to super hot looks wise and other women (friends) telling me how lucky I am because he is so attractive. He started working out for health reasons and it has really paid off. I feel like men are only as faithful as their options and it really messes with my end. Daddy issues maybe lol.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

assuming, like most men, his love language is physical touch, reach out and hold his hand, give him hugs, etc. 

After 20+ years and several kids, I still get a rise just thinking about my W. If she did more of the physical touch, it would only improve on the already good.

like other said, I think he is telling you the truth and the issue is only in your head.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

peachesncream said:


> No he has not give me any indication of becoming unattracted and compliments me all the time and often tells me I am beautiful. I am very lucky indeed. This is all my insecurities and I know it. I think just reading about and knowing about other men that cheat worry me. I am human too and have been attracted to other people at times without acting on it. Idk I think most of it comes from him going from so so to super hot looks wise and other women (friends) telling me how lucky I am because he is so attractive. He started working out for health reasons and it has really paid off. I feel like men are only as faithful as their options and it really messes with my end. Daddy issues maybe lol.


I have been married for 24 years and have also lost a bunch of weight. I weigh less than when we first got married. Same situation, wife sees other women look and flirt with me. To be honest, the only reason I did this was to get my wife more into sex. It sounds like that is not your issue.
I have never cheated on my wife and never plan to. Do not underestimate your sexual power over your husband. If those stretch marks bother you, buy some sexy clothing that covers up that area. OWN your sexuality.

My wife is 50 years old and she can turn me on like no other, not because she is the best looking girl in the world, but because she knows me and knows what I like. You know what your husband likes too. OWN IT. You can rock your husbands world better than anyone else ever could. Believe it and live it.

You have an advantage over every woman in the world in that you sleep in the same bed as your husband and nobody else does. OWN that bed and make him kiss the ground and thank God that he has YOU as his lover.

Believe it, because it's true!


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> I'm betting that you don't have any worries currently, but it makes sense to be proactive in preventing anyone getting too much of his attention in the future. It is always an issue if one partner turns up their attraction level and leaves the other behind, IMO. Temptation is a fact of life.
> 
> I would step up my game like you already are - make the effort to do hair, make-up and to dress nicely at home. Also do some exercise regularly - even brisk walking an hour daily will give you more energy and help you lose extra weight, especially if you reduce calories at the same time (this worked very nicely for me). I don't think you should worry one little bit about the stretch marks. Maybe some men in the forum will weigh in on this, but for my husband at least, they are reminders that I loved him enough to bear his children and they are not a turn-off at all. Extra weight is though, to him.
> 
> ...


Your description of feelings with ED are exactly what I have felt and couldn't quite put into words and it does eat you alive. It's like I know logically but some sort of primal feeling tells me it is at least partly me. And our problem has been very small, just a handful of times when I knew he was feeling tired after an extra long day at work. Also the Internet and coming across posts from men that are having issues with erections due to not being attracted to their wife anymore do not help. This is very encouraging and yes I think if I lost those last twenty pounds I would feel more confident and sexual.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

peachesncream said:


> I am in my early 30s and have been married almost 15 years. We got married very young and have 4 children. Overall our marriage is definitely happy and our sex life has stayed very active with ups and downs around childbirth I think due to gaining/losing weight and my confidence level.
> 
> When we got married my husband was somewhat attractive but a little overweight and didn't take care of his self very well, where I was the complete opposite. Over the last few years my husband has started working out and taking care of his health. He is extremely attractive. Way more attractive than when I married him. I have lost most of my pregnancy weight but am still about 20 pounds heavier than when we married and have a LOT of stretch marks from my four pregnancies. He swears they don't bother him and he says he doesn't notice them but I know that it is not attractive and it makes me feel disgusting at times. I still have a nice shape, look good in clothes and still get compliments from strangers so I know logically I am probably over reacting but have lately been obsessing over these issues.
> 
> ...


Me thinks you worry to much. My W still has some of the baby weight. Stretch marks. Does not amount to a hill of beans to me. She is beautiful. My W who I know will be standing there with me when the smoke clears. The mother of my kids. She tries hard to be all she can be. She keeps her appearance for me. Everyday. Without fail. She appreciates me as I appreciate her. The marriage has grown much beyond the physical. However, the physical in the bedroom is awesome. She is a lady in the parlor and ***** in the bedroom. 

I believe your H when he says what he says.

As far as ED, I'm 50. Starting to get a bit of a deflated feeling. :0 It is not my W fault either.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Peach,

Guess what. ED can be caused by things other than your stretch marks. Medication, or an undiagnosed medical problem cam also be a cause. And guess what, in your 30's and 40's from wha i read, you are in the prime of your sex life. no matter what his outward appearance, mpst men start to slow down a little with age. 

Like you have been told, hit Victorias Secret, and become the frisky teenager you once were.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I just wanted to add, that its a nice ego boost when some other woman indicates that she is interested in me, but I have no desire to act on that interest. What matters is that my wife is interested in me.

jealousy and insecurity are unattractive. Confidence is very attractive.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Heck, my wife and I both get flirted with regularly, and we're 50 and 54 respectively. Neither of us have ever acted on any of those flirtations, and never will. My wife has a poor self-image because she remembers what she "used" to look like. I know it bothers her sometimes, but I'm constantly reassuring her that she is beautiful, and I really do mean it when I say it. TBH, I actually find her even MORE attractive now than I did back then, even though she gained a few pounds. It could be that I love and appreciate her more now than I ever did back then.

Women are notorious for being insecure about their self-image. In most cases, they really shouldn't, unless they completely let themselves go, and if they did it would be time to get busy and get back in shape. If you have only gained 20 pounds, that's not a lot to lose, and wouldn't take a lot to lose it.

My advice..., get back in shape. Work out with him if you can. It will do wonders for your energy levels, and your overall health, both mental and physical. Wear revealing clothing around the house at every opportunity. Let him look at you naked body whenever you can, and stop being so modest. Being modest about it kind of kills it for me. Let him get a GOOD look at you, and don't turn away. He married you, is still with you, hasn't fooled around.., so he MUST still find you attractive. Stop fretting about it.

If he is still having problems with ED, it may be time to go to a doctor for blood work. There may be an underlying reason for ED other than just stress. His ED has absolutely NOTHING to do with you, I can assure you of that. If everything checks out okay with the blood work, he could try one of the ED drugs such as Cialis, Levitra, or Viagra. My guess is once he gets back his swagger from good sex, he won't need them on a regular basis anymore.


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## Regalpair275 (Jan 3, 2016)

I love it when my wife sends me sexual text messages and random nude pics of herself. Keeps me on point for sure!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Dear Peaches,
You are letting your insecurity tell you lies. You are believing these lies, which feeds your insecurity. You are not believing the person closest to you, which is the only problem in your relationship.

I'm using the quote feature to point out what is going wrong.


peachesncream said:


> our sex life has stayed very active with ups and downs around childbirth I think due to gaining/losing weight and my confidence level.


 You are allowing your lack of confidence to affect the level of sex in your marriage. You are letting your feeling about yourself damage the power base of your marriage.



peachesncream said:


> I am still about 20 pounds heavier than when we married and have a LOT of stretch marks from my four pregnancies.


 Do you realize how fantastic this is? only 20 pounds. over 15 years and 4 pregnancies. Why do you think this is bad? This is great!



peachesncream said:


> He swears they don't bother him and he says he doesn't notice them


 This is all the proof you need to know that he is still attracted to you. 



peachesncream said:


> but I know that it is not attractive and it makes me feel disgusting at times.


 But, your insecurity is making you more happy than your husband is? listen to the voice that makes you happy, not the one that is wrecking your marriage.

I'd like to recommend this book to you to help you get a grasp on your insecurities. It helped me quite a bit in this area.
REconnecting
This book put me in a place where I could stand on equal ground with my wife and start solving the real issues.

Life is better when you stop listening to the lies.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

I think most of the issue is your own self judgement, just keep the spark alive and he will stay interested. You should not have to do makeup or dress up all the time, just show him appreciation and don't down yourself.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peachesncream said:


> I have been trying to step up my "girl game" as I know I have become comfortable and somewhat lazy. I work full time in the medical field and am often just plain exhausted and dont have any extra energy on my days off. I don't always do my hair, makeup or dress attractively when we are together like I used to so I am trying to change this.
> 
> What else can I do to make him stay attracted and excited. Are my worries valid? Help lol.


You should NOT judge the quality and health on your marriage based on the strength of your husband's erection, but more so of still making each other feel accepted and loved as the years go by. 

He does not mind your stretch marks. I honestly never notice my wife's stretch marks unless she is complaining about them. As for me when my wife gained a few extra pounds, it gave her more curves and bigger boobs, so I am happy with that even though she complains about her weight and even feels as though her boob are too fat. I don't get it and I find that frustrating at times. 

Part of making your husband feel loved, is #1 loving yourself and sharing that with him! 

Since I am not your husband I can tell you this and get away with it! During my years of watching porn and my wife feeling as though those women were way more attractive than her, because she assumed I liked younger women with perky bodies, that was not what I liked to see. The one thing that would get my attention in a porn video was a woman that was very confident and that would push her man beyond his limits. A typical video of this type would be a very mature couple (40's to 50's) that had a lifetime of lovemaking and did not care that they were both a little overweight. The most erotic thing in these videos would NOT be what you would see, but more so the "dialog" between them because they were 100% vulnerable to each other about odd kinks.

I think one of my all time favorite porn videos was this amateur video shot from a dresser. You could see them under the covers from behind moving, so there was not much to see. The context and content of their dialog was extremely erotic. She was teasing him and had not allowed him to reach orgasm in over a month, while having sex with him very often. She found a rather devious brand of condoms that he "thought" would help him avoid reaching an orgasm and he was bragging that he thought he could last for even another month as it felt so good to stay like so aroused and make love to her that way. Her agenda was that the condoms were extra sensitive and so thin that the would break and make him orgasm while he would then begin to spank her to try to get her to stop before he exploded. 

My point being, both of them were overweight, not that attractive, and showed obvious signs of getting older. But yet it was the hottest thing I ever came across in my many years of searching for porn. The thing that set it apart from everything was both of their confidence to become extremely vulnerable and share/explore a some crazy kinks together. 

So if you want to up "your game" with your husband. Be confident! Don't necessarily try to please him, but be brave enough to show him what you like and do not be shy when you ask for it! Maybe you just want to start by making him to tell you in which all the ways he sees you as being such a wonderful wife.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

Thank you all for the well thought out responses. Hearing from other men really helps put things in perspective and I will definitely check out the recommended book!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rugby (Dec 21, 2013)

My wife has had two children and has expressed similar concerns. Someone in an earlier post said something to the effect of your mind lying to you. His/her point is spot on. Your husband seems more than content with you. His personal problem is just that, personal. It could be stress, medication, fatigue, or none of the above. What it is not is you.

My wife has a few stretch marks and her body shape isn't what it was before children, but I have no complaints. It is a complete non-issue. She, however, has some anxiety about her appearance. Self confidence is important, so I told her to do something about it if she is that concerned. She was evaluated by a dermatologist to have the stretch marks removed via laser treatment but ended up canceling because she realized thst the cost and risk are not worth it. I was glad she didn't do it. The cost is excessive, and it is totally unmecessary.

If wives could see themselves through their husbands' eyes for even a day, it would shock them how attracted we are to them and how little we care about their perceived flaws. It sounds like your husband loves everything about you. As for the ED, try to get at the root cause and treat it. It has nothing to do with you.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

How often to you verbally tell your husband how hot and attractive you find him?


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

My wife had three kids, lot's of stretch marks. They are iridescent in low light when we are making love. I think they are sexy. The ED has nothing to do with you. When I got to 48, the spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. Have hubby start a walking program, that along with half a little blue pill got me going again.

I tell my wife all the time how sexy I think she is, it's frustrating that she does not believe me.

To up your game, be WILLING in bed. It is very sexy when a woman shows she WANTS to be in bed with her man, and doesn't view it as a chore.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Peaches, my wife is somewhat like you. She is hyper-critical of her body. She is 42, and a mother of 3. She tells me how fat she feels that she is(which is utterly insane) and I tell her how sexy I think she is. I compliment her a minimum of 6 times per day (and that's a slow day), but it still does not negate in the least, her opinion of herself. I find her outrageously exciting in bed... and yet, if there is ever a night when the soldier is not at attention, (and believe me, that is rare), she worries that it is because of how I view her. I love my wife and have complete and utter tunnel vision for her. If she were to put on another 40 pounds, this would still be true. Point is, like others have said, your insecurities are screwing with you. Therefore, you need to do something for yourself, to better yourself (not that you need it physically, but mentally). My wife recently started cycling due to her aforementioned "fat" view of herself and it has done wonders for her mental state. It's cool for me too, because I am a cyclist. Anyway, I think your husband loves you. And when he sees your confidence level go up, he's going to really go nuts for you (if he isn't already).


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

badsanta said:


> You should NOT judge the quality and health on your marriage based on the strength of your husband's erection, but more so of still making each other feel accepted and loved as the years go by.
> 
> He does not mind your stretch marks. I honestly never notice my wife's stretch marks unless she is complaining about them. As for me when my wife gained a few extra pounds, it gave her more curves and bigger boobs, so I am happy with that even though *she complains about her weight and even feels as though her boob are too fat. I don't get it and I find that frustrating at times. *
> 
> ...


boobs can never be too fat as far as i'm concerned!


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> 
> First - ED really doesn't have anything to do with you. If it happens, just find other fun things to do that time. The biggest cause of ED is stress, and worrying about ED is a big source so stress. So if it happens, he still has working fingers and a tongue, let him use them to please you so he doesn't feel he has failed you in some way.
> 
> ...



Amen I see my wife the same way after 35 years. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> First - ED really doesn't have anything to do with you. If it happens, just find other fun things to do that time. The biggest cause of ED is stress, and worrying about ED is a big source so stress. So if it happens, he still has working fingers and a tongue, let him use them to please you so he doesn't feel he has failed you in some way.
> 
> Has he given any indication that is he is losing interest in you? In my case I'm still extremely attracted to my wife - after 30 years of marraige - she is in her mid 50s, with a badly scarred breast from cancer. I don't see that, I see the beautiful 18 year old I met by a camp fire so many years ago.
> ...


What a beautiful post


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

peachesncream said:


> What else can I do to make him stay attracted and excited. Are my worries valid? Help lol.


Ask him.

It entirely depends on what each individual guy likes that makes him attracted. 

Find out what attracts your husband and then do that. Maybe try different things to see how he responds.

For me I am most attracted to my wife when she wears skirts/dresses with lingerie like stockings and such. She hates to wear that stuff and hasn't done so in a very long time. Then she wants to know why I'm not interested in sex.


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