# Female Oral... how to...



## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

Cum?

Sorry that my first post is in the sex section, but I've read numerous posts trying to find ones that address my issue and apparently I can't find the answer I'm looking for. 

As background, I've been with my fiancé for 2 1/2 years. The sex, since the beginning has been the most pleasurable of my life (hands down...no contest). We are both in our early 40's.

Recently, we've been talking more about sex (probably because I've been reading all that I can get my hands on about marriage and differences between men and women, etc.) I really want to have a wonderful marriage and give him what he's always wanted for in marriage (he's divorced with 2 children).

Anyway, yesterday I texted him (we are in different cities right now due to transitions in jobs--note that we see each other once/month for ~week+ at a time) asking why he never cums when I give him a BJ. Other men I've been with have loved that (sometimes to my dismay because they'd choose that over intercourse) and I've always been surprised he didn't choose it, particularly when I'm on my period. He still wants intercourse then. This was the conversation: 

Me: On another topic...how come you never cum wen I give u a bj? Could I be doing something better? And yes, I know it's weird texting abt this.  just thinking abt it.

Him: Heehee

Me:  We should be able to talk abt anything in regard to sex if we're getting married. Just sayin. Well...I feel that you should give me better instructions ...ANY instruction would be good if I'm not doing what you would like me to. I understand if u feel weird texting abt it. XO

Him: Wy? Do most guys kum frum that?

Me: yup. It's ok if ur not into it...just want 2 make sure ur not disappointed in what I'm doing 

Him: Wy dont u kum wen i do 2u

Me: I never have. It's not you. I just like you in me that's all. If you're there and I have the choice then I'm going to choose u. Have you ever kum from A bj?

Him: no, only a couple of times

Me: Did you like it? 

Him: Yes, I like everything. 

Me: Then why do you pull me up when I'm giving u a bj? Confused. Sorry if I'm pressing here. I just want to make sure you're getting what you want ...

Him: Yea. But i konsidr that mor 4play.

...etc. 


BUT, first of all...I'm surprised...I thought all guys liked BJTC but more worrisome...now he's got me wondering...is there something wrong with me? Am I LD? I don't want to be! If he's with me I want to have sex every day (and I'm not exxagerating. I'm disappointed if we don't!)...but I don't seem to get off when a guy is giving me oral. 

I honestly don't think it's lack of his skill, because seriously... no one else has been able to do it thus far. It's a spiritual experience every single time we have sex and now that we're engaged...even more so (who knew that the idea of being with this one man for the rest of my life could be such a sexual turn on?!)

My point in posting is if this is abnormal and to find out how I can cum by being given oral. Any advice would be appreciated!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening littlefluffyclouds
There is a LOT of variation between people. Its true that a lot of men enjoy BJs to completion, not all do. Some don't like them at all. From what he said, its not anything at all you are doing wrong, just not his thing.

Women are different as well. Many women love to receive oral while straddling their partners faces. My wife doesn't like that at all. She can orgasm just from oral, but doesn't like it that way and prefers to do so during intercourse along with fingers or a vibrator.


Overall, I'd say its a little unusual for man to not enjoy a complete BJ, but not at all rare. As long as you can find things you both enjoy, then do them. 

If you really want to get an orgasm from oral, has he tried using fingers on your gspot at the same time? have you tried different positions - on your back, straddling his face, etc? 

Don't forget for both of you that sex is mostly psychological - and the "attitude" with oral can vary a lot: loving, submissive, dominant, etc.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

sometimes it's a mental block or even similar to muscle memory. Like he's got to be trained for the feeling. Or it could be that he doesn't really believe you want to finish that way. Perhaps he had a prior girl react badly to it. If you want to train him, I suggest doing it very enthusiastically. Like when he tries to pull you up, stay down and refuse to stop. Of at the end of regular sex hop off and go down before he finishes.


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

Thanks, Richardsharpe for your reply!

Usually I'm on my back and we've tried 69 many times, but I just get too distracted by what I'm doing and I think he does too, though I know he likes that! He bet me 3 69's recently on something...I thought that was funny because I'll happily comply even if I don't cum. I didn't think of him fingering me simultaneously. I can't remember if he's tried to do this, honestly but that's a great idea and I'm willing to give anything a shot. I definitely feel somewhat dysfunctional not cumming from this. We've been talking toys lately too. I'm embarassed to say that in my 41 years on this planet I've never owned or tried one single sex toy. Maybe that will be the ticket? Lol. Ugh. I know you're right about mindset though. I think I'm probably more submissive than dominant and for me I've seen it as more a dominant act on my part...getting it from him. Maybe I need to work on that mindset. Hmmm.


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

Haha! WorkingOnMe...that bad experience might have been with me. Lol. One time I made him come in my mouth, but he didn't know he had. He looked down and tried to kiss me and tripped out and said we almost pulled a Rod Stewart....hahaha...perhaps it traumatized him. Oh, dear!


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

Feeling super embarassed and dumb now also. Totally forgot.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Try playing with the mindset if you are both game. His "betting" you a 69 suggests that he probably is. Make it a bit role-play like. If you are feeling "dominant" then tell him he *has* to give you oral. Or if you are feeling submissive, let him try to "force" you to orgasm that way - in return for some sexual favor (that you want to do anyway...). Or whatever floats your boat - 

A vibrator will probably work, but be careful that it doesn't desensitize you.


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

I think perhaps I need to be more vocal about enjoying him being in a more dominant role for that act. 

I definitely have my moments of being more dominating in the bedroom (95% of the time I get off from being on top)...this totally negates what I just said, I realize this. 

I probably should have figured all this out by now in life...better late than never though. Been talking a lot about sex lately and feel like maybe it will confuse him. He'd probably have some sort of freak out if he knew I was discussing our sex life on a public forum. Feel guilty even posting, but trying to figure this out. I don't have any girlfriends who I'm that close to that I could have this conversation with.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Don't worry that "it is you", it's not. They are two completely different sensations to me. One happens during active / somewhat vigorous physical activity while the other is much more passive. For the BJ you almost have to relax to let go now that I think about it.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening littlefluffyclouds
I think lots of people sometimes enjoy being more dominant, and sometimes more submissive - all depends on the mood. It provides more variety. 

Keep in mind that he may also be a bit shy about asking for what he really wants, so see if you can get him to say more.

I think its OK to have discussions of this sort on the web - you are not trying to pick-up people, or anything, just getting ideas on how to make your sex life better, and providing suggestions to others.





LittleFluffyClouds said:


> I think perhaps I need to be more vocal about enjoying him being in a more dominant role for that act.
> 
> I definitely have my moments of being more dominating in the bedroom (95% of the time I get off from being on top)...this totally negates what I just said, I realize this.
> 
> I probably should have figured all this out by now in life...better late than never though. Been talking a lot about sex lately and feel like maybe it will confuse him. He'd probably have some sort of freak out if he knew I was discussing our sex life on a public forum. Feel guilty even posting, but trying to figure this out. I don't have any girlfriends who I'm that close to that I could have this conversation with.


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## vms (Dec 17, 2014)

There's no dominant or submissive acts - just mindsets


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

I am like him, I rarely cum from a BJ. No rhyme or reason, I just don't. I love getting them though, haha. Don't think anything is wrong.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

LittleFluffyClouds said:


> I think perhaps I need to be more vocal about enjoying him being in a more dominant role for that act.
> 
> I definitely have my moments of being more dominating in the bedroom (95% of the time I get off from being on top)...this totally negates what I just said, I realize this.
> 
> I probably should have figured all this out by now in life...better late than never though. Been talking a lot about sex lately and feel like maybe it will confuse him. He'd probably have some sort of freak out if he knew I was discussing our sex life on a public forum. Feel guilty even posting, but trying to figure this out. I don't have any girlfriends who I'm that close to that I could have this conversation with.


Not to get to graphic here, but try letting him pump into your mouth. Like sit against the bed and let him thrust into you.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm like your fiance in that it's hard for me to come with a BJ.

Like your fiance I really like it but just hard to come. I have no problem coming with regular PIV sex, just with BJ.

In my history, there was only one woman who could get me to come with BJ, but she was in the top 1 percentile and voracious. My other women in my life would try very hard. There was nothing wrong with what they did. Very nice feeling, but just can't come that way. I really appreciate when my wife does it. I never ask, but she likes it and I go along and it feeling great, but no coming.

I would say, in this case, just trust him what he says. Take his words at face value. Don't sweat it or over analyze. Just enjoy.


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

Richardsharpe, 

He has this weird phobia about the NSA collecting data on all of us. That's where that is partially coming from. Probably true, but honestly I laugh at that stuff. SO WHAT! Is my feeling. I don't care. 

You know, I pushed it a little more yesterday saying I remembered about what he calls the "Rod Stewart" incident and he said, "oh, yeah" (as in "I remember".) Honestly, the experience was a little traumatic for me. He pushed me away. Not on purpose. It was like a gut reaction...then teased me mercilessly for a good week. Every now and then he'll tease me about it. 

Anyway, I tried to push talking about sex, etc...and idk. I was hoping he'd get excited and riled up a little, but just shot me down after I said I think about sex all the time lately. Just said, "No you don't. You think about work and being sick (had the flu the past 2 weeks). He's kind of the "manly" type (LOL) and has said many times he's kind of traditional in his sexcapades. I think he might be a little shy about his fantasies. When he came to my state for a week after Christmas I found girl on girl anal porn on his phone, which he got super embarassed about. I really don't think he has a porn problem. I assured him it was okay with me. I get it. We only see each other 1 week out of the month. I'll take him looking at porn versus cheating any day! I suspect he has an anal fetish, but whenever I try to talk about it he steers away the conversation. I honestly don't care if he's into it. All sex is good sex in a loving relationship, is my opinion. Just trying to figure out how to get him to communicate his desires/fantasies/likes more. I'm just trying to please him. All comes with trust, I suppose. We've had our relationship ups and downs so maybe this is why it's taking so long to really communicate.


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

Thank you Jorgegene and Observer for the advice and feedback. I'll try the pumping action. As I said it's happened before. I don't want to push his limits, but maybe it's developing a different mindset. He said once that he felt it was disrespectful to cum in a woman's mouth. I think after that one incident is when he mentioned that.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening littlefluffywhiteclouds
Well the NSA *can* see anything they want, but I don't see any reason that they care about my or your sex lives. 

Do you have any idea how frustrating your posts are I wish my wife would be open about what she wants, be a bit more willing to entertain my fantasies etc.


It seems taht some people are just very shy about sex and cannot bring themselves to talk about it or ask for what they want. I'm a little like that, but my excuse is that long ago my wife reacted very badly to some things I suggested, so I'm nervous about asking again.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Just tie him to the bed and then go for it. Use mouth and hand. He won't last long.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

LittleFluffyClouds said:


> Thank you Jorgegene and Observer for the advice and feedback. I'll try the pumping action. As I said it's happened before. I don't want to push his limits, but maybe it's developing a different mindset. He said once that he felt it was disrespectful to cum in a woman's mouth. I think after that one incident is when he mentioned that.


Just start on it, then after a moment tell him you want to try to finish that way again, that you will be ready for it this time and you think it could be amazing, fun, and have wanted to try again for a while. 

Sure as heck would work for me in no time.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

As for you. Have him read "she comes first" and try those techniques. I'd say if that doesn't work you're just one of those rare women who doesn't get off from oral.

Does he use fingers when he goes down town? Since you said you get off on top, maybe you need something inside? My wife likes when I tease the opening with the tip of my finger, maybe a half inch inside.


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> Just tie him to the bed and then go for it. Use mouth and hand. He won't last long.


Haha! I'll try it. He'll probably freak out! He's good in bed, but as he's admitted he seems to be into traditional sex. I couldn't believe he tripped out so much about cumming in my mouth, but apparently he said he grew up thinking that was from porn and disrespectful. 

My family is European. I feel like we (in general) don't have so many guilt and negative feelings toward nudity and sex.


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening littlefluffywhiteclouds
> Well the NSA *can* see anything they want, but I don't see any reason that they care about my or your sex lives.
> 
> Do you have any idea how frustrating your posts are
> ...


 My thoughts about the NSA! Silly! He won't even let me post a face pic of us or him alone on IG. Lol.

I'm sorry my posts are frustrating. I've read a lot about from so many men on here about their frustrations with lack of sex and openness...willingness to explore. I had no idea how little people have sex before this forum! I've often heard (mostly from men) that once you get married the sex disappears. This scares me, to be honest. 

I hear you on you not wanting to open up/talk about sex. I kind of feel that a little with his reaction to that one incident. His reaction somehow made me feel dirty. I don't think it is. I was hoping he'd be willing to open up more about his fantasies...I've tried broaching certain things, but although he's adamant, for example about not being into anal sex he had photos on his phone of a girl licking another girl's butthole. 

He's done that once to me and it shocked me! I was like, "Oh! Um...okay..." And flowed with it because I trust him. Never had a guy do that before. Maybe in time he'll trust me enough to engage in talk about it. 

It was also upsetting when he asked me if I thought I was sexual. That really upset me, actually. I think he equates being sexual with having lots of toys and putting various objects up oneself. Said he's been with girls who are super into it. He'd come home and a banana would be up their butt. I've never had sex toys because I can masturbate without just fine. I've also mostly been in relationships. I didn't spend years without having sex. I kind of shut off (mostly) sexually when I've been in certain stages of my life...heavy into my careers or when in undergrad and grad school. I told him that his exes often went long stretches without being in relationships...maybe that was why. That kind of shut him up a little. Still found it to be a strange question considering when we 're together we have sex almost every night!


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Sounds like you have a healthy and wonderful sexual imagination and he may be feeling a little bit anxious over it. Some men in their 40s can still have a lot of sex drive, but many are aware that they are slowing down. Unless your husband has been the stud with a capital "S" who could always get it up whenever and wherever he wanted, something of that might be the case with him. But even the studs start to fade sooner or later.

As I get older, BJs pleasure me less. Part of the reason is psychological, part of the reason is sensitivity. To me the pleasure of the BJ is the dominant male game. It's so fun to play if your sweetheart is into it (the flip side of that game is a helluva lot of fun too). But at my age, I just ain't going drown her in a sea of cum and show off what a man I am, and that was so much the turn-on. 

I much prefer penetration. There's just something about it that is right to me, not in any moral sense but just in terms of the way it makes me feel. 

Also, try not to ask so much. Try paying attention to the things that your husband just spontaneously goes for. Just sort of "see" if he's into anal by, well, offering it to him in the right way  Men hate talk....until they start talking that is!


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## WillowGirl (Jan 9, 2015)

just a thought on your own issue in not being able to climax via receiving oral - have him insert a finger or two at the same time.... Makes a WORLD of difference. ray:

I've been with men who couldn't climax from a BJ, and my first thought was it was my issue, something I was / wasn't doing, though they both said it was not. Well one said it was him not me, the other asked me to make some adjusting insertions .... for him. It worked quite well after that. 

I find oral sex way more intimate than PIV sex. It's a whole different set of trust, to have someone eye-to-vag, or eye-to-penis. I think that's just me though


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## LittleFluffyClouds (Jan 14, 2015)

intheory said:


> What's a "Rod Stewart" incident?
> 
> I remember being a kid in the seventies and people said that he had to get his stomach pumped because it had so much semen in it . . . or something like that.
> 
> ...


I think the idea of semen possibly in his mouth totally disgusts him. It is a bit funny...I call him the "embellisher"...he makes things more intense or over the top than reality. *rolls eyes*


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Mouth 50%, hands 50%.


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## SunnyDaze (Oct 24, 2014)

My hubby never wants to come by BJ - basically he says it feels so much better when he is inside. We have done it (in the car when actual sex wasn't a viable option) so I know it can be done but he does not prefer it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Not everyone O's from oral, men and women alike.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I have no problem cumming from oral. I just prefer not to. For me once I cum I'm done...in more ways than one. I completely lose interest both physically and mentally.

I love getting a BJ however I'd rather not finish that way but move on other activities. Nothing like having sex when you're so excited you could use it to cut glass.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My XW could not really O from PIV but she went totally ape-crap crazy from oral. 

I absolutely could Iive down there for days on end, as there's just something sacred about performing oral on your woman, and just watching her take in all the pleasure that I can possibly give, which makes me feel just so damned complete! 

Conversely, I love for my woman to perform oral on me, but can rarely get off from it. Which is why I absolutely love it as an accoutrement, but when I get worked up enough, I immediately move for some multi-positioned PIV.

I do remember that one time, my XW wanted to prove to me that I could definitely get off via means of oral, as she kept me down until I reached Shangri-La. And while it was totally exhilerating, I still like finishing up with PIV the most! 

Just get to know your partner, and over time, you'll fastly learn what pleases them the most. After all, half of the fun of sex with your partner is just learning about them and their preferences!*


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Hmm.

"Back in the day" I was conditioned that oral was the absolute best way to culminate sex. A way to forego condoms and the fear of pregnancy. When all of the wild sexual exploration was ready to end, this was the ultimate, and best way to conclude. 
Really, who enjoys ejaculating into a condom?

I still feel that way. Its the most intimate way a woman can respond to a man.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

WillowGirl said:


> just a thought on your own issue in not being able to climax via receiving oral - have him insert a finger or two at the same time.... Makes a WORLD of difference. ray:


OMG...Ain't that the truth. I do this thing where I insert my finger and then move it as if I'm motioning for someone to come here...Wow....Fireworks.


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## Mark72 (May 26, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> OMG...Ain't that the truth. I do this thing where I insert *my finger and then move it as if I'm motioning for someone to come here*...Wow....Fireworks.


Then you know where the coveted G spot is. 
When I found that, my wife went from O every other time to multiple O's EVERY time. I use the middle and ring finger or just the middle finger - from the side.

OP, if you instruct your fiancee to do this, you may feel "special" about oral in the future.
As far as him, if he is shy, take on a dominant role. Men generally love visuals. But many of us love to hear things too. Dirty talk, telling him what you want him to do, using a quiet yet firm voice, lots of heavy breathing... force his rhythym to match yours. And you said he liked watching girls butt licking - get some lube, and slowly... I mean SLOWLY - follow the instruction that MountainRunner gave, just on his nether regions. Use a glove if you need to. Don't ask, just do it... The prostate is OUR g-spot...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

It's not you.

I rarely orgasm from oral and it used to drive my wife insane with insecurity because apparently most guys get off easy from it.

Oral feels great and I can take it all day long but to get me off orally the girl needs a bionic jaw.

It's a matter of friction mostly, I need more friction to get to orgasm.

Next time you go down on him make more use of your hands.

Take him in your mouth for awhile then take a break and stroke him.

Alternate between your mouth and hand until he's pretty far along then start increasing the tempo with your hand.

This has made life easier on my wife in the oral department, maybe it'll do the same for you.


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

I was taught that " less is more " when it comes to actual contact and its always worked for me or shall I say her


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## CincyBluesFan (Feb 27, 2015)

I'm a happily married man of 29 years and I can take or leave BJ's. They're not even remotely as pleasing as intercourse. My wife, on the other hand, loves receiving oral and I love pleasing her so that's all good.

You two are doing very well because you communicate. Never worry about what other people like. Your relationship's health only matters what you two think, feel, like. It sounds like he loves being with you and you love being with him. That's awesome for both of you.

IMO, you're sweating small stuff. A word of advice from a man married a long time who absolutely adores his wife even when she's being a huge pain in the butt, is don't sweat the small stuff.


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

MountainRunner said:


> OMG...Ain't that the truth. I do this thing where I insert my finger and then move it as if I'm motioning for someone to come here...Wow....Fireworks.


So, you've unknowingly found the G spot. Next time you're in there with your finger, make that same motion and feel for the dime sized spot that feels like a rigged potato chip. Bingo!

"With great power, comes great responsibility". Be gentle.


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