# Wife is Married/Addicted to her Phone



## ptomczyk11 (Feb 9, 2015)

Hi,

It never really bothered me before when my wife was on her phone either reading gossip articles, social media, or group texting with her friends. If I would hear her laugh at something or sometimes I would ask her what she is talking about with her friends and it was good because it would open up communication between us. And she would sometimes open up communication with me about something that was bothering her about her friends that they are talking about at that time.

However, lately I've been getting really irritated by her phone. Now when she laughs about a text or an article she's reading I don't ask her about it and I don't even want to know about it.

It doesn't really bother me if we are just hanging out on the couch and not really watching anything specific on TV because I also get on my phone during those times. 

However, it really bothers me when we commit to watching a TV show, movie, together and then I keep seeing her picking up her phone to text friends and getting distracted from what we are watching and then her asking questions about what just happened or asking me to rewind the movie; it's very annoying. If you are going to watch something with me; then at least invest/dedicate the time to only do this and nothing else.

And the same thing happens when we eat dinner, she will be on her phone texting / reading articles and this use to be good for talking about different topics but now it just keeps on irritating me more and more because it's like she is married to the phone instead of me. 

Also, it's hard for me to say anything now because in the past I was at fault with paying too much attention to technology as well. I started up my own website business a couple years ago, so during that time I was always on my PC talking to programmers, answering customer questions, researching, advertising, etc. all the things necessary that I needed to do to grow my business into a successful business. My goal was to grow this business this way I could quit my full-time job and just do this. Today the business is profitable but not enough where I can quit my job just yet.

However, I remember her saying back then that I would pick the computer over her. However, I always made it a point if we were committed to watching a TV show or movie or eating dinner at the table I wouldn't keep on picking up my phone. The times I would go to the computer to work would be when she was watching one of her shows.

I feel like our scenarios were a little different too because I wasn't just reading gossip articles or texting my friends all day; I was working on a business that would benefit us better financially in the future. But I can definitely understand how she was feeling back then because it is probably similar to how I'm feeling today.

But my issue now is every time I tell her let's watch this TV show / movie together, or no phones during dinner she responds with "*oh, now you know how I felt*" or she will say "*it's not that big of a deal, it's annoying now; I can multi-task*" when I tell her to put her phone away. 

I feel like I can't say anything about this because I did this to her as well when I was starting my business; so each time I say something she will just keep bringing up that I did this to her. I told her that I was sorry and I know how she felt when I was always on my PC and I try to tell her let's move forward from this but now it seems like she is saying this just so she can continue being on her phone. 

I don't know how to get her to see that all I want her is to be invested in what we are doing and stop taking pit-stops on her phone and actually care that we are spending time together without any other distractions.

Has anyone else had issues like this with your spouse being consumed by technology?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

My XW got into her phone a bit too much years ago. I called her on it. She cut back dramatically until our near DDay.

"You talk with your friends all day at work.... and you want to at home too? WTF is my time?"

My ex gf was addicted to FB / texting with friends. Near the end "It's the phone or me, you cant have 

both. If you don't make a choice, I'll make it for you." I ended things little over a month later.

You have to have boundaries. Tell her EXACTLY where you stand and what you expect.

Maybe you were on the computer too much.... ask her what you can do to make it up to her.

Do not accept "now you know how I feel" anymore. That's been brought up, discussed and you

curtailed the usage. If she's beating a dead horse that is HER problem.

Ask her if she still holds resentment about the computer usage in the past.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Can you see who she is texting with? This could be a lot more serious than just inattention...


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Don't be surprised if she's in or heading to an emotional affair leading to the real thing, find out who it is and ask to see who is texting if she wont say or kicks off over it you have your answer


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Smash her phone with a hammer....

Next problem?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Address the issue first........ watch her reaction. If her reaction is not her normal one.... 

as the guys have stated.... investigate.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Next time you are spending together ti.e and she starts fiddling with her phone, get up and do something else. Before walking away, I would tell her something like this:

"I am not okay with the three of us having quality time together."

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Yes, my husband is addicted to his phone too. He is always checking his FB feed to see what everyone else is writing about so he can make comments about it (it's usually political) Even our children call him out on it. If he brings it out to check his FB feed or emails during dinner then I say something. You will live if you don't check your phone for 20 minutes. Your wife needs to get over the past and put her phone away and spend quality time with you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I've never, ever understood the phone thing. That aside, it is just rude! Why do these phones turn people into selfish, manner-less drones?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> I've never, ever understood the phone thing. That aside, it is just rude! Why do these phones turn people into selfish, manner-less drones?


If you had the answers to those questions, you'd be a millionaire in 36 hours


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Are you sure she isn't talking to other man through her phone?
Even if she is, maybe just a friend or an Emotional Affair.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> Smash her phone with a hammer....
> 
> Next problem?


And will you stand bail for him after he is jailed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

farsidejunky said:


> Next time you are spending together ti.e and she starts fiddling with her phone, get up and do something else. Before walking away, I would tell her something like this:
> 
> "I am not okay with the three of us having quality time together."
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


Or send her text messages emails and the like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> And will you stand bail for him after he is jailed?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL, on what charge? 

It's martial property.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I'm a '71 baby. Maybe it's just me but wasn't a M hard enough before technology enslaved us?

Yeah maybe I am just an old pr1ck in the country..... but I do hold my beliefs


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You would be wise to spend @ 30 minutes checking you phone bill. Look for a lot of texts/calls to a specific number. 

Most plans offer an online download where you can sort the data.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

It can be concluded no one is saying she is in a EA or PA yet. Have a sit-down with her as I mentioned.

Gauge her re-action. If not to your liking, investigate as they have advised.

My ex gf was not cheating, she just loved the drama. But you never know until you talk and, if needed.....

investigate


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

farsidejunky said:


> Next time you are spending together ti.e and she starts fiddling with her phone, get up and do something else. Before walking away, I would tell her something like this:
> 
> "I am not okay with the three of us having quality time together."
> 
> Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


Exactly what I did, and it worked well.

I remember she wanted to watch some chick flick, and then started typing away on her phone. And after a couple minutes, I asked myself WTF I was doing watching this stupid movie I didn't even want to watch?

So I got up, went downstairs, racked up a game of pool, put some tunes on. About 5 minutes later she came down the stairs asking why I left. 

I said nearly word for word what Far is saying, and she turned off her phone that very minute.

Hasn't been a problem -- with rare exceptions (stupid me bought her an iPad) since.


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## ihatethis (Oct 17, 2013)

I don't necessarily think that just because she is on her phone she is having an EA. The sad truth is that in this day and age EVERYONE is obsessed with their phones, even if it is innocent like playing games, checking FB, etc. People need to take a break and set time for reality. 

I used to be on my phone too much when I was married, and I didn't even realize it until I stopped and my XH was doing the same thing. 

Good for you. Bring it up, and if she doesn't stop, that shows you what is more important.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Also a fan of calling out behavior. My GF has an issue with her phone. Now when we watch tv I could care less if she does that but when we are out to eat not so much. So I have told her to please put the phone away and she does.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> LOL, on what charge?
> 
> It's martial property.


Willful destruction of property, threatening behaviour.

The "But it's marital property" defence sounds a little too good to be true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

ihatethis said:


> I don't necessarily think that just because she is on her phone she is having an EA. The sad truth is that in this day and age EVERYONE is obsessed with their phones, even if it is innocent like playing games, checking FB, etc. People need to take a break and set time for reality.
> 
> I used to be on my phone too much when I was married, and I didn't even realize it until I stopped and my XH was doing the same thing.
> 
> Good for you. Bring it up, and if she doesn't stop, that shows you what is more important.


I never was but.... I'm a weird person wishing to live a couple generations prior. 

You admitted it and that is great. I love reading books too much..... could have been same outcome

just different generation.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Willful destruction of property, threatening behaviour.
> 
> The "But it's marital property" defence sounds a little too good to be true.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because it is. In Colorado as in most states. You break property of your spouse intentionally its domestic violence and you go to jail
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Because it is. In Colorado as in most states. You break property of your spouse intentionally its domestic violence and you go to jail
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


WOW.......... even if you broke the schitty wedding present from her grandmother? Or is it that specific?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> WOW.......... even if you broke the schitty wedding present from her grandmother? Or is it that specific?


It doesn't matter what the object is. If the act of breaking it is cause to threaten , harm, annoy, harrass, intimidate then you can be arrested for it. So punching door and breaking..... Jail. Destroying phone......jail. And so on
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Thank God I sold my then Ws a week after in a yard sale LOL


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Much conjecture involved BUT...... in a guy's defense.... we do have more protection.

Guys in HS who M right out.... their Ws would spit, kick, punch them.... the guy shoved them away.

Guess who went to jail. Still isn't fair but much better than 25 years ago


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> Much conjecture involved BUT...... in a guy's defense.... we do have more protection.
> 
> Guys in HS who M right out.... their Ws would spit, kick, punch them.... the guy shoved them away.
> 
> Guess who went to jail. Still isn't fair but much better than 25 years ago


Much of it is stories of old that just get carried into this generation. I assure you I have arrested women for the same DV violations to include: hitting , theft, damage to property, menacing, attempted murder. I agree it is better than once was
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Much of it is stories of old that just get carried into this generation. I assure you I have arrested women for the same DV violations to include: hitting , theft, damage to property, menacing, attempted murder. I agree it is better than once was
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In the Deep South, it still happens..... rural counties. Yeah.... very sad


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Much of it is stories of old that just get carried into this generation. I assure you I have arrested women for the same DV violations to include: hitting , theft, damage to property, menacing, attempted murder. I agree it is better than once was
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Attempted murder? You know I HAVE to ask......

but if you're not ok with it, I understand 110%


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> Attempted murder? You know I HAVE to ask......
> 
> but if you're not ok with it, I understand 110%


Ill shoot you a PM later with the details. It's not that thrilling and I don't want to thread jack more than I have lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Because it is. In Colorado as in most states. You break property of your spouse intentionally its domestic violence and you go to jail
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's absolutely not true. Please enlighten me to the case law where that's happened. Threats are one thing but destroying property paid for with JOINT assets is NOT domestic violence.

Property acquired by either spouse during the course of a marriage is considered marital property unless their is a formal written agreement tying ownership to one person.

Drop it in the toilet then OP if you think smashing it might come off as threatening.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> It doesn't matter what the object is. If the act of breaking it is cause to threaten , harm, annoy, harrass, intimidate then you can be arrested for it. So punching door and breaking..... Jail. Destroying phone......jail. And so on
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That State law is interesting. I can certainly see how the law would come into place, but I could also see how it could easily be used inappropriately by the police and putting a lot of power in their hands.

Now as far as prosecuting it, I'm sure that law is ripe for appeals and fighting it as I'm sure someday someone will have to work through the courts to clear his name. 

Punching a door? Where do you stop. My ex wife used to slam doors. Once it caused a picture to fall off the wall after a very hard slam. Canvas painting was worth several thousand dollars and got ripped. Prosecute that? Good luck with that.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FrenchFry said:


> Colorado Domestic Violence Laws | Richard B. Huttner, P.C.
> 
> 100% in Colorado if you break property you have the possibility of facing domestic violence charges.


Thanks beat me too it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jdawg2015 said:


> That State law is interesting. I can certainly see how the law would come into place, but I could also see how it could easily be used inappropriately by the police and putting a lot of power in their hands.
> 
> Now as far as prosecuting it, I'm sure that law is ripe for appeals and fighting it as I'm sure someday someone will have to work through the courts to clear his name.
> 
> Punching a door? Where do you stop. My ex wife used to slam doors. Once it caused a picture to fall off the wall after a very hard slam. Canvas painting was worth several thousand dollars and got ripped. Prosecute that? Good luck with that.


We don't make the law the tax payers and state does. We only enforce and yes they do get prosecuted or pled out daily. And yes if she slammed the door and caused damage and you called us likely she would be charged because we have to charge. Discretion was taken from us long ago. 1000$ is a felony so she is going to jail. Most likely she will be offered a plea agreement if her first time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> That's absolutely not true. Please enlighten me to the case law where that's happened. Threats are one thing but destroying property paid for with JOINT assets is NOT domestic violence.
> 
> Property acquired by either spouse during the course of a marriage is considered marital property unless their is a formal written agreement tying ownership to one person.
> 
> Drop it in the toilet then OP if you think smashing it might come off as threatening.


FYI dropping it in a toilet destroys phones just as much as smashing them. Sorry this is so upsetting to you but being upset does not change the real world nor how it works.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Lets live in reality folks... If you think that's the real world....

No one would waste their time prosecuting you for dropping a phone in a toilet.

Even if they were stupid enough too good luck getting a conviction solely on that.

An ambulance chasers website isn't what I would call proof or case law either...

I know your trying to validate your point on a comment I said tongue in cheek but please.

I agree this thread has been derailed enough.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Lets live in reality folks... If you think that's the real world....
> 
> No one would waste their time prosecuting you for dropping a phone in a toilet.
> 
> ...


You can think whatever or educate yourself makes no difference to me. I have done this 15 years here and this is reality. Here is the state code. Domestic violence is found in CRS 18-6-800 through 805. In those you will find that cops and prosecutors are mandated to arrest and prosecute so yes it does happen. Below is from no ambulance chaser it is state code and rest are available for you to view as well.


18-6-800.3. Definitions



As used in this part 8, unless the context otherwise requires:

(1) "Domestic violence" means an act or threatened act of violence upon a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship. "Domestic violence" also includes any other crime against a person, or against property, including an animal, or any municipal ordinance violation against a person, or against property, including an animal, when used as a method of coercion, control, punishment, intimidation, or revenge directed against a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship.

(2) "Intimate relationship" means a relationship between spouses, former spouses, past or present unmarried couples, or persons who are both the parents of the same child regardless of whether the persons have been married or have lived together at any time.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

My quick online research backs up your basic assertion but I still say no one is going to charge you for dropping a phone in a toilet. 

Proving it was to coerce, punish or intimidate would be impossible to prove without other evidence.

There is such a thing a prosecutorial discretion.... Though stupider things have happened I suppose.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> My quick online research backs up your basic assertion but I still say no one is going to charge you for dropping a phone in a toilet.
> 
> Proving it was to coerce, punish or intimidate would be impossible to prove without other evidence.
> 
> There is such a thing a prosecutorial discretion.... Though stupider things have happened I suppose.


Sure is and most first time offenders will get deffered sentence, fine, and mandatory DV classes. But dropped case with a probable cause arrest isn't likely. They can be held accountable same as us for non prosecution.

Actually the proving of fear and intimidation is easiest to establish. You just ask the victim and if they say I'm afraid...guess what

Police have zero discretion and prosecutors for DV have limited but certainly more than us


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> Sure is and most first time offenders will get deffered sentence, fine, and mandatory DV classes. But dropped case with a probable cause arrest isn't likely. They can be held accountable same as us for non prosecution.
> 
> Actually the proving of fear and intimidation is easiest to establish. You just ask the victim and if they say I'm afraid...guess what
> 
> Police have zero discretion and prosecutors for DV have limited but certainly more than us


If the vast majority of cases end up deferred, etc than it shows the law is bad as written and there is a major over reach. 

Classic case of unintended consequences. My ex wife would likely lose her job if convicted of a crime and I hardly see how door slamming or tossing a phone into a toilet after an argument would be we worth the police or courts time.

I'm pretty sure there something I must have done like pound the desk, etc. Guess if I was in CO I could have been sent to the slammer. HAHAHA.


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

Mind me asking how old you both are?
When my hubby plays video games, I am on the Internet or phone..


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

OP, sorry as we derailed your thread a bit.

This is actually a very common issue. Some of the advice about was already given. Definitely snoop a tad just to make sure there's not another guy in the mix here. Don't want to freak you out as your wife could just be another Facebook junky. 

The fact that you are at the point of being in TAM complaining about it means it gotten to the point of beyond annoying. 

I personally like the direct approach. But, you can't whine about it you need to tell her it bothers you, AN I would tell her, "honey you've been on the phone quite a bit to the point it's spilling over to our personal time. Your phone use has gotten to the point I feel like you are married to it, and not me." 

Then tell her you'd like to agree to no phone a certain times as a starter.

I suspect this is a case where she will not change over night. So you need to mirror her phone use. When she picks up phone and she should be focused on you get up and walk away. A couple times of that will be a way to set the boundary.

Start dating your wife again. Do things together so she doesn't want to be on the phone. It does take two....


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