# This feels like slap across face.



## dontwanttobeme (Feb 24, 2009)

Major snowstorm today in my town. I got off work at 4. I told my husband I was nervous. We live in a hilly area. The cops had closed the main highways and our driveway needed to be shoveled. 

So I call my DH that I'm leaving. No response. It took me forever. Lots of detours. Closures. I finally get home.. My husband had forgotten about shoveling the driveway or ME. I told him how scared I was and grateful. He said well "try getting stuck in massive traffic like I do every night...then we can talk."

Talk about sad. Does he care about me at all?!?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PinkSalmon13 (Nov 7, 2013)

Was he talking about his sitting at home during 3 hours worth of ice storm?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Did you guys see the pile up in nw indiana whoa!

At least 3 dead, 20 injured after massive pileup on Indiana highway outside Chicago  - NY Daily News


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## dontwanttobeme (Feb 24, 2009)

No he was just trying to one up me because he sat in heavy traffic for work commute 




PinkSalmon13 said:


> Was he talking about his sitting at ?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

dontwanttobeme said:


> No he was just trying to one up me because he sat for. 3 hrs (years ago) in a nice storm.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He could have been like somewhat concerned imo.


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

I'm thinking things might be 'icy' around your house for a while.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Was there anything he could have actually done for you during those three hours of travel time other than sit patiently and wait? 

My wife gets upset about local road conditions all the time then chews me out for not taking her concerns serious.

I would but she drives my 3/4 ton 4wd pickup to work and I drive her rear wheel sedan. I figure if I can make it to wherever and back with the car she should have no trouble traveling the same exact roads with the pickup.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Playing the devil's advocate here, do you normally say you are scared or tend to whine a lot? Sometimes you are taken less serious, also when we tend to exaggerate. 
Next time call him and ask him to pick you up or stay where you are at.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *dontwanttobeme said *: *So I text my DH that I'm leaving. No response. It took me forever. Lots of detours. Closures. I finally get home.. My husband had fallen asleep. When he woke up to let me in I told him how scared I was and grateful. He said well "try 3 hours in an ice storm like I did..then we can talk."
> 
> Talk about sad. Does he care about me at all?!?*





> *No he was just trying to one up me because he sat for. 3 hrs (years ago) in a nice storm*.


 is he always like this? Or was it just a bad day, one of his stupid moments..... I would surely feel slighted had my husband demeaned how dangerous the roads were - especially with your father's recent death in an accident due to black ice [email protected]# 
If any family would be concerned, it should be yours [email protected]# 



NotTooSure said:


> *I know in bad weather I will often drive my wife instead of her driving herself. I will also go pick her up if she had driven and the weather turns bad then make arrangements to get her car back even if it means taking the bus myself and getting it*.
> 
> *But then again I am a "Nice Guy" so maybe I shouldn't be doing that.* Sounds like I should just be pacing the halls until she gets home. Funny, how do we know what the line is that shows we care?


My husband is a Nice Guy too and he'd do the same you said here...if I had to be somewhere, he'd drive me & pick me up, he'd be pacing the floors -waiting for the phone to ring...till I reached our driveway -if I was out in bad weather...

My safety, that of his children are his highest concern... I love that he is this way... would never change it.. If I took it for granted , however...this would be very .. He has to get to his Job everyday... as for me, this is not important, I can change my schedule.. some things are just not worth the risk.. 

This has been an awful winter so far.. Our driveway can turn to ice easily... it's 750 ft long, bendy, uphill... lots of parking at the top this year- so he won't have a problem getting out for work... we've had a couple victims get stuck already... Can't wait for spring!


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

dontwanttobeme said:


> No he was just trying to one up me because he sat for. 3 hrs (years ago) in a nice storm.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How did you respond to him when this happened? Do you often offer him sympathy and support for when he has a stressful day?
I notice "one-upping" in my relationship when the other person feels they aren't being appreciated either. Let's say one person had a very hard week at work and the other gives them no support then they have a stressful day and want some for themselves, the first person would be less likely to give it and want to one-up them. Not that I'm saying it's healthy or right, just that it's the only time I notice it in my relationship.


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## dontwanttobeme (Feb 24, 2009)

You are fortunate! Ironically, my family was just like your husband. They were always worried about us. ... So I guess it was commonplace. 

I work 11hrs a day for my day job and then work on side projects too. 

He always has to be the biggest of victims 




SimplyAmorous said:


> is he always like this? Or was it just a bad day, one of his stupid moments..... I would surely feel slighted had my husband demeaned how dangerous the roads were - especially with your father's recent death in an accident due to black ice [email protected]#
> If any family would be concerned, it should be yours [email protected]#
> 
> My husband is a Nice Guy too and he'd do the same you said here...if I had to be somewhere, he'd drive me & pick me up, he'd be pacing the floors -waiting for the phone to ring...till I reached our driveway -if I was out in bad weather...
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dontwanttobeme (Feb 24, 2009)

Well, I didn't really respond at all. I was tired and not happy with his comment. HIS experience in getting stuck in the snow a long time ago. Last night , he slept on the couch and then woke up when I returned. He acted like I bothered him... So I just went silent. He went back to sleep. 




SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> How did you respond to him when this happened? Do you often offer him sympathy and support for when he has a stressful day?
> I notice "one-upping" in my relationship when the other person feels they aren't being appreciated either. Let's say one person had a very hard week at work and the other gives them no support then they have a stressful day and want some for themselves, the first person would be less likely to give it and want to one-up them. Not that I'm saying it's healthy or right, just that it's the only time I notice it in my relationship.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

dontwanttobeme said:


> Well, I didn't really respond at all. I was tired and not happy with his comment. HIS experience in an ice storm was 5 YEARS ago. Last night , he slept on the couch and then woke up when I returned. He acted like I bothered him... So I just went silent. He went back to sleep.
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I meant 5 years ago when it happened, how did you respond? 

If he can sense you're rolling your eyes in you head when he tries to get some sympathy (or words of affirmation) he might just be at a place where he's reluctant to give any in return? Or he might be one-upping as a way of fishing for words of A for himself? 

To be fair- in your last post YOU were also one-upping (he works at home, I work 11 hours outside the home) KWIM?


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## dontwanttobeme (Feb 24, 2009)

Yes I totally see what you mean.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

It sounds like he may have been insensitive to how you were feeling at the time, I hope he isn't like this often.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

dontwanttobeme said:


> Major snowstorm today in my town. I got off work at 4. I told my husband I was nervous. We live in a hilly area. The cops had closed the main highways.
> 
> So I text my DH that I'm leaving. No response. It took me forever. Lots of detours. Closures. I finally get home.. My husband had forgotten about me. I told him how scared I was and grateful. He said well "try getting stuck in massive traffic like I do every night...then we can talk."
> 
> ...


Well, I think that he was lacking in the caring department yes, You had already expressed you was feeling nervous anyway, so he knew...... I mean he was asleep, so he did not know what was going on, but thinking that, if you was not home and you was very late, then how could he sleep.

My husband would have been worrying about me, he would have been to worried to sleep, but saying that, when its snowing or the weather is really bad it does slow down the traffic everywhere, so your husband could have thought this is what had happened, and as hes used to sitting in traffic, he knows what its like.

You cant really say he forgot about you....... He must have been missing a person in the household.

Its his attitude that would have peed me.


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

Your post is much different now from the original, and so are your responses. All edited. What's up?


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## dontwanttobeme (Feb 24, 2009)

Sorry. I think he knows about this site now. 
Tried to make my story unrecognizable. 



WayUpNorth said:


> Your post is much different now from the original, and so are your responses. All edited. What's up?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> Playing the devil's advocate here, do you normally say you are scared or tend to whine a lot? Sometimes you are taken less serious, also when we tend to exaggerate.
> Next time call him and ask him to pick you up or stay where you are at.



That was an early issue I ran into with my wife and I's relationship. A few good deeds quickly got turned into regular expected ritual, whining and irresponsibility over the tiniest of reasons.  

It's partially why I let my wife take the 4wd pickup to work. If she feels she cant get home with that there is no other vehicle available that I am going to be able to come and get her with. But if I do and I have to rescue her from work with her rear wheel drive sedan because she didn't feel like the huge 4wd pickup could make it there is going to be hell to pay. 

Loving someone isn't giving them everything they want. It's giving them the knowledge, strength and confidence to stand by your side in equal responsibility to the best of their abilities for good or bad.  

My wife wants to be my equal but not carry the responsibility and work loads that go with it even though she has proven more than capable of handing them.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

dontwanttobeme said:


> Sorry. I think he knows about this site now.
> Tried to make my story unrecognizable.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not sure why you took out the part I was referring to in my 2nd post. I didn't think it had any recognizable facts in it and it is an important part of the story if you are also doing the same thing to him. 
Besides, wouldn't it be a good thing for him to read and understand how it made you feel? It might open up the conversation to get it sorted out.


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