# Marriage Self Help Movie



## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

Has anyone here ever seen the movie Fire Proof? If you have, what do to think about it? Did you take anything away from it like a lesson or eye opening moment? I'd definitely recommend it to those dealing with bickering/fighting/losing love/indifference. 

For me, it really helped me consider the fIlings in my own marriage and both my husband and I were inspired to try harder during on of our hardest times 3 years ago when I thought divorce would be in our future.


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## hifromme67 (Oct 30, 2016)

We love that movie. It was an eye-opener at that moment but unfortunately things still fell apart after. 


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

hifromme67 said:


> We love that movie. It was an eye-opener at that moment but unfortunately things still fell apart after.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


We loved it too! But it's not a quick fix. We just took some of the Stroger concepts and lesson from.the movie and tried to implement them into our lives. Helped a little, but it takes alot more than that to get past all the hurt. I'm sorry things fell apart for you. Are you guys still trying to fix things?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

It's a pretty good movie. I thought it was a little more religious than it needed to be but then it's to be expected I guess. 

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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

Tried that, blew up in my face so I went the "No More Mr Nice Guy" route.


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> It's a pretty good movie. I thought it was a little more religious than it needed to be but then it's to be expected I guess.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


I agree, the in-your-face religious aspects were pretty blahhh, but the overall thoughts about one person taking the initiative to instigate change despite the other person's reactions to it was eye opening for me. That's what I did. At first my H didn't even really notice, but then I started getting some side-ways glances and finally he kind of said "hey you haven't yelled at me in days, what's up?" And before I knew it he started to emulate me. We've still had issues since our worst times, but we aren't fighting everyday and we remain much more respectful of each other's feelings now. Waaayyyy more great days than bad.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I must be in the minority as I didn't like that movie at all. To me it seemed very one sided with it being the husbands responsibility to sacrifice and fix the marriage with the wife having no responsibility and no accountability. Didn't resonate with me at all personally.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> I must be in the minority as I didn't like that movie at all. To me it seemed very one sided with it being the husbands responsibility to sacrifice and fix the marriage with the wife having no responsibility and no accountability. Didn't resonate with me at all personally.


Yeah, that was a bit much. I guess the concept could be flipped to either partner, but it was a bit one-sided. I do think that one partner making a change can help, but I don't think any one spouse can do it alone. 

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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Didn't help my miserable marriage. My ex made me watch War Room near the end. She even did the "In the name of Jesus, I command Satan to leave this house...." I almost died laughing as I packed my bags.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

GuyInColorado said:


> Didn't help my miserable marriage. My ex made me watch War Room near the end. She even did the "In the name of Jesus, I command Satan to leave this house...." I almost died laughing as I packed my bags.


Hahaha!!!!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

TX-SC said:


> Wolf1974 said:
> 
> 
> > I must be in the minority as I didn't like that movie at all. To me it seemed very one sided with it being the husbands responsibility to sacrifice and fix the marriage with the wife having no responsibility and no accountability. Didn't resonate with me at all personally.
> ...


I remember in the film that when the father told the son about fire proofing, and "you should do this," it was ultimately revealed that the MOTHER was the one who did the fire-proofing first, and that was what saved the parent's marriage. I think the point is that one partner needs to make the effort to begin, and model the change they would like to see in the marriage, and the other partner will eventually soften their heart and respond in kind. SOMEONE has to take the first step.

I thought the movie was ok, but the religious aspect of it was way over the top. It's a good film for Christian couples, but it was really distracting from the message for me. I can see how this will work for some couples, but I expect that for some, they may be too far gone. It likely has something to do with the nature of the rift. I can see it working for partners who have simply drifted apart and retreated into themselves to protect themselves. But I don't see this working if their has been infidelity, emotional/physical abuse, or otherwise dysfunctional behavior that has damaged the marriage.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

FeministInPink said:


> I can see it working for partners who have simply drifted apart and retreated into themselves to protect themselves. But I don't see this working if their has been infidelity, emotional/physical abuse, or otherwise dysfunctional behavior that has damaged the marriage.


Yep this. Husband and I fall over each other doing things for the other. While that makes us good people, it doesn't even touch the lack of trust we both live with.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

katies said:


> Yep this. Husband and I fall over each other doing things for the other. While that makes us good people, it doesn't even touch the lack of trust we both live with.


Your comment reminded me of this clip from the Cosby Show:

https://youtu.be/kcws_R73bT4?t=1m48s

One of my favorites.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

FeministInPink said:


> I remember in the film that when the father told the son about fire proofing, and "you should do this," it was ultimately revealed that the MOTHER was the one who did the fire-proofing first, and that was what saved the parent's marriage. I think the point is that one partner needs to make the effort to begin, and model the change they would like to see in the marriage, and the other partner will eventually soften their heart and respond in kind. SOMEONE has to take the first step.
> 
> I thought the movie was ok, but the religious aspect of it was way over the top. It's a good film for Christian couples, but it was really distracting from the message for me. I can see how this will work for some couples, but I expect that for some, they may be too far gone. It likely has something to do with the nature of the rift. I can see it working for partners who have simply drifted apart and retreated into themselves to protect themselves. But I don't see this working if their has been infidelity, emotional/physical abuse, or otherwise dysfunctional behavior that has damaged the marriage.


And maybe that's the problem I had with it, my own experience with marriage showed that one person can't fix a marriage when the other person wants out. So a system of someone just "taking it" to inspire another might work in movie world but not reality. So as I said doesn't resonate with me at all. If my partner doesn't want to be there it's time to move on. 

I actually liked the religious aspects lol but I was Christian and more religious then


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GuyInColorado said:


> Didn't help my miserable marriage. My ex made me watch War Room near the end. She even did the "In the name of Jesus, I command Satan to leave this house...." I almost died laughing as I packed my bags.


I would have stared at her and said: "Oh. You are still here. I thought you just commanded yourself to leave?"


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

All good points indeed. For my husband and myself, we still loved each other but got into the HABIT of not considering each other's feelings. That spiraled into lack of respect and more selfish "my feelings are more important than yours" bullcrap. We didn't realize we were.dong this but we were hung up on trying to "win" at who was hurt most. Pathetic really. I watched the movie, it was ok, but we aren't religious. I woke up one day shortly after watching it and just decided that I MYSELF could at least try harder and if he didn't reciprocate at least id given it my best. He was the man I loved first and foremost and was worth giving it one last real try. So I changed. And I liked myself more because of it. I grew as a person and my husband was soon to follow. It wasn't long before we both sat there being all "adulty" when we realized what had happened. We were too bitter over every little thing every single day. We were selfish people, hard-headed, and honestly very rude to each other.

It really did help us. I didn't mind being the one to make the first move. I loved my husband, so he was worth it to me. We both WANTED to stay together, there was no PA, so I said "hey I want us to work" and work we did  that was years ago now though.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Saibasu said:


> All good points indeed. For my husband and myself, we still loved each other but got into the HABIT of not considering each other's feelings. That spiraled into lack of respect and more selfish "my feelings are more important than yours" bullcrap. We didn't realize we were.dong this but we were hung up on trying to "win" at who was hurt most. Pathetic really. I watched the movie, it was ok, but we aren't religious. I woke up one day shortly after watching it and just decided that I MYSELF could at least try harder and if he didn't reciprocate at least id given it my best. He was the man I loved first and foremost and was worth giving it one last real try. So I changed. And I liked myself more because of it. I grew as a person and my husband was soon to follow. It wasn't long before we both sat there being all "adulty" when we realized what had happened. We were too bitter over every little thing every single day. We were selfish people, hard-headed, and honestly very rude to each other.
> 
> It really did help us. I didn't mind being the one to make the first move. I loved my husband, so he was worth it to me. We both WANTED to stay together, there was no PA, so I said "hey I want us to work" and work we did  that was years ago now though.


I think you're the EXACT type of couple that this approach would work for. I'm glad you guys were able to fix things.


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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> I think you're the EXACT type of couple that this approach would work for. I'm glad you guys were able to fix things.


Thank you  I'm glad we were able to fix things too. I honestly thought we were going to get a divorce. We were savage with each other. Breaks my heart now to think I used to be so cruel to him. But lessons learned and we are Stronger and closer now for it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

@Saibasu I think, while there are a lot of people on TAM who suffered from infidelity and/or abuse in their marriage, I think it likely that there are just as many marriages that falter (and sometimes fail completely) because of the partners drifting, like you and your husband. I just don't a lot of them are here on TAM.

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## Saibasu (Nov 3, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> @Saibasu I think, while there are a lot of people on TAM who suffered from infidelity and/or abuse in their marriage, I think it likely that there are just as many marriages that falter (and sometimes fail completely) because of the partners drifting, like you and your husband. I just don't a lot of them are here on TAM.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


I agree. Most people seem turn to forums like this when something monumental happens to them. Honestly that's what drive me here too. But the rift between couples can be just as disastrous. Makes me sad


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