# Happy or should I not feel this way



## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

I've posted on here about my wife and my best friend having the affair nearly 10 years ago, I've got some feedback and it wasn't all pretty but it is what I asked for so I'm cool with that. 

I did find out last night while having some beers that the old best friends wife is now cheating on him with a boy I grew up with. They actually live right across the road from one another now. Of course when she found out he was meeting me and another buddy for drinks she got nervous thinking I'd find out a way to let her husband now that's she's cheating and planning on leaving him, not a chance though, I have no desire in talking to him anyway.

I did however enjoy hearing the details of how he's been crying and moping around knowing his wife is up to no good. There was a brief time after my wife's affair with my best friend, that my friends wife wanted to hook up with me, I'm sure that was because of what we had just went through. 

Even though I know we all have went through something similar and felt the pain is it bad that I'm happy to find out about this and I'm happy to see him going through what he put me through? I had to tell someone, even if it's just on here. I was sworn to secrecy about it last night and I know on here is a way I can share with no issues. 

Just curious if anyone else has had joy in such news or should I not be delighted by it...have a good day!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I always enjoy karma biting a deserving person's ass


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Thound said:


> I always enjoy karma biting a deserving person's ass


 Same here...


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Schadenfreude is better than no freude at all.

I think it's perfectly natural and I'd certainly feel the same.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

There path of least resistance, payback is good.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Avgman said:


> I've posted on here about my wife and my best friend having the affair nearly 10 years ago, I've got some feedback and it wasn't all pretty but it is what I asked for so I'm cool with that.
> 
> I did find out last night while having some beers that the old best friends wife is now cheating on him with a boy I grew up with. They actually live right across the road from one another now. Of course when she found out he was meeting me and another buddy for drinks she got nervous thinking I'd find out a way to let her husband now that's she's cheating and planning on leaving him, not a chance though, I have no desire in talking to him anyway.
> 
> ...


Given what you've gone through yourself, how do you feel about the "sworn to secrecy" aspect?

Also, it's been a few months since your last post in the thread about your wife stepping out on you 9 or 10 years ago. Anything new there? Seemed like some potentially long-term trust issues. Has she maintained complete transparency? Does she realize that could be a life-long thing? But perhaps more important, do you feel she shares her true feelings with you?

Hoping for the best-possible future for you-


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i am surprised you didn't hook up with his wife, if anything to balance the scale with your wife. but honestly i am more surprised you still keep him as a friends where i come from friends don't sleep with other friends wife.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Lostinthought61 said:


> i am surprised you didn't hook up with his wife, if anything to balance the scale with your wife. but honestly i am more surprised you still keep him as a friends where i come from friends don't sleep with other friends wife.


We aren't friends at all. I didn't think I worded it as such. It was definitely touch and go for a while on sleeping with her. I honestly think it could have happened even before him and my wife hooked up. She was always telling me how she wished he was more like me and all this mess. I just didn't think of it since him and I were so close, or at least I thought we were.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

where is your wife thinking in all of this ?


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> Avgman said:
> 
> 
> > I've posted on here about my wife and my best friend having the affair nearly 10 years ago, I've got some feedback and it wasn't all pretty but it is what I asked for so I'm cool with that.
> ...


I'm cool with no saying anything. His wife and I were always pretty good friends and remained that way as long as I could. When I committed to my wife that friendship ended. The boy that's sleeping with her now doesn't want him to find out until they got him with divorce papers. Apparently things have been rather rocky and he has become borderline abusive to her. I heard it's hitting him bad, he's lost like 100 pounds and just literally falling a part. Bedsides feeling bad for their kids I'm cool with seeing him go through hell. I only wish I could be there to see him when she tells him who she is fooling me with. Don't get me wrong, the boy I know she is messing with is a friend from back in the day buts he's no stud at all.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Avgman said:


> We aren't friends at all. I didn't think I worded it as such. It was definitely touch and go for a while on sleeping with her. I honestly think it could have happened even before him and my wife hooked up. She was always telling me how she wished he was more like me and all this mess. I just didn't think of it since him and I were so close, or at least I thought we were.


From the way you worded your original post, I was really confused about who you were out with: your best friend or some other guy. I had actually thought it was your best friend, too.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

You keep referring to the “boy” your bestie’s wife is sleeping with now… Exactly how old is this boy? Because he sounds like he’s under 18, in which case, this should be reported. You say though that you guys grew up together, so does that mean that you’re also under 18? How old is your wife?


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Ursula said:


> You keep referring to the “boy” your bestie’s wife is sleeping with now… Exactly how old is this boy? Because he sounds like he’s under 18, in which case, this should be reported. You say though that you guys grew up together, so does that mean that you’re also under 18? How old is your wife?


 Sorry for the confusion. The "boy" I'm referring to is 39. Sorry for the country talk.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Lostinthought61 said:


> where is your wife thinking in all of this ?


 I didn't tell her, probably won't.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm a bit confused. It sounds like your ex-friend knows that his wife is cheating. 

So what is it that you are not going to tell him? Is it that she is planning on divorcing him?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Avgman said:


> I've posted on here about my wife and my best friend having the affair nearly 10 years ago, I've got some feedback and it wasn't all pretty but it is what I asked for so I'm cool with that.
> 
> I did find out last night while having some beers that the old best friends wife is now cheating on him with a boy I grew up with. They actually live right across the road from one another now. Of course when she found out he was meeting me and another buddy for drinks she got nervous thinking I'd find out a way to let her husband now that's she's cheating and planning on leaving him, not a chance though, I have no desire in talking to him anyway.
> 
> ...


The guy that was texting/calling my wife “totally just as friends” had his wife cheat on him with business partner. They were in therapy for quite a while before they split (this is when he was chasing my wife), and apparently it devastated him. 

When I heard that she left him for the guy (or maybe it was another guy), I poured myself a scotch and had a good laugh that night, I’ll tell you that. 

And when it dawned on my wife that his intentions obviously weren’t good, and in fact she was likely being used as some kind of escape hatch for him, or maybe to make his wife jealous, she sure wasn’t happy. 

So that was also good. 

Karma is a *****.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Avgman said:


> I didn't tell her, probably won't.


Your wife will eventually find out if they divorce. If she brings it up to you just tell her "It could not have happened to anyone who deserved it more."


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

TDSC60 said:


> Avgman said:
> 
> 
> > I didn't tell her, probably won't.
> ...


I'm typically the last to find out anything, probably because I keep to myself... hell she may already know... haha.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Avgman said:


> I've posted on here about my wife and my best friend having the affair nearly 10 years ago, I've got some feedback and it wasn't all pretty but it is what I asked for so I'm cool with that.
> 
> I did find out last night while having some beers that the old best friends wife is now cheating on him with a boy I grew up with. They actually live right across the road from one another now. Of course when she found out he was meeting me and another buddy for drinks she got nervous thinking I'd find out a way to let her husband now that's she's cheating and planning on leaving him, not a chance though, I have no desire in talking to him anyway.
> 
> ...


Why are you still hanging with that ass that cheated with your wife? This is very strange to say the least.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Avgman said:


> I'm typically the last to find out anything, probably because I keep to myself... hell she may already know... haha.


He might try and get with your wife again. 

I am sticking with my original thoughts on your relationship. Your wife is with you for anything but love. She might run off with him now that he will be divorced.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I would bring up the fact that their marriage is on the rocks and see what your wife’s reaction is.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I can understand not telling your wife about her AP's travails, save and except to point out (just because I am an *******) that Karma has visited herself on her AP, and is likely to lose his marriage because his wife decided to get back at him with an affair of her own. That would be too much schandenfreude (leave it to the german language to come up with a word for feeling good at someone else's misfortune). IMO, let it alone, get a big box of popcorn and watch his life unravel from the sidelines. At some point in the future, I am sure you and your WW will discuss this. Do not smile as you describe how terrible his life became.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Taxman said:


> Do not smile as you describe how terrible his life became.


I don't know, I would have a ****eating grin that couldn't be stopped.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Tilted 1 said:


> Avgman said:
> 
> 
> > I've posted on here about my wife and my best friend having the affair nearly 10 years ago, I've got some feedback and it wasn't all pretty but it is what I asked for so I'm cool with that.
> ...


I don't hang out with him...

I haven't seen this guy or his wife in probably 9 years. I was at a bar with two of my current friends, one of which is having an affair with this guy's wife. He use to be my best friend, obviously before I found out he was sleeping with my wife and talking **** about me. 

Maybe the confusion is from the statement I made about her, the ex best friends wife being nervous because she thought/thinks I may say something to him as a way to get back at him for what he did to me. 

I'm not saying a word to him, let him sit in misery.....the longer the better.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

My wife likes to gossip, if I tell her it will be all over the county we live in before my breathe leaves the room from telling her. She obviously didn't like his wife to begin with and I think she hates him for the way he cowardly left her hanging when everything hit the fan. She realizes she got played by him and has seen the real him and I doubt she would be interested, I could be wrong but doubt it.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

So your current friend is having an affair with the former AP's wife. Do you have many close male friends that are also close with your wife? The reason I ask is that I just wonder how you would navigate that considering the past,and also that at least one of your current friends is open to infidelity by his own admission.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> *I am surprised you didn't hook up with his wife, if anything to balance the scale with your wife. but honestly i am more surprised you still keep him as a friends where i come from friends don't sleep with other friends wife.*


*But my RSXW would try to richly justify it all by saying that it's quite OK to "haul the ashes" of menfolk who are existing friends or were former boyfriends!

Quite frankly, I could give a rat's a$$ if gross misfortune ever comes to roost on her door stoop with her new hubby in tow!*


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Avgman said:


> I've posted on here about my wife and my best friend having the affair nearly 10 years ago, I've got some feedback and it wasn't all pretty but it is what I asked for so I'm cool with that.
> 
> I did find out last night while having some beers that the old best friends wife is now cheating on him with a boy I grew up with. They actually live right across the road from one another now. Of course when she found out he was meeting me and another buddy for drinks she got nervous thinking I'd find out a way to let her husband now that's she's cheating and planning on leaving him, not a chance though, I have no desire in talking to him anyway.
> 
> ...


May I suggest that you spend some time meditating and saying the words "I forgive my wife" until you start to believe that. 

Assuming you want to move on with your life, you need to forgive her. The longer you look for her to suffer (as in revenge), the longer your mind will be controlled by her and her hurtful past actions. 

There is a typical 8 step grieving process. That process ends with acceptance. You need to forgive your wife so you can reach acceptance. It really doesn't matter if you have divorced her or not, acceptance and moving on should be your goals in healing yourself.

Good luck.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Young at Heart said:


> *May I suggest that you spend some time meditating and saying the words "I forgive my wife" until you start to believe that.
> 
> Assuming you want to move on with your life, you need to forgive her. The longer you look for her to suffer (as in revenge), the longer your mind will be controlled by her and her hurtful past actions.
> 
> ...


*Solid advice!

And while always having it within the confines of your heart to "forgive" ~ never vacate within the depths of your mind to ever "forget" what it was that happened to you!*


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> May I suggest that you spend some time meditating and saying the words "I forgive my wife" until you start to believe that.
> 
> Assuming you want to move on with your life, you need to forgive her. The longer you look for her to suffer (as in revenge), the longer your mind will be controlled by her and her hurtful past actions.
> 
> ...


Totally disagree. Suffering for those who have done me seriously wrong will always bring a smile to my face. F them. Forever. I find no solace in forgiveness.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

Sucks to be him! (Sarcastic response).
Buffer


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

TBT said:


> So your current friend is having an affair with the former AP's wife. Do you have many close male friends that are also close with your wife? The reason I ask is that I just wonder how you would navigate that considering the past,and also that at least one of your current friends is open to infidelity by his own admission.


We don't keep a lot of friends around these days. This is an old childhood friend that I haven't really seen in years....not too concerned about him at the moment.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Buffer said:


> Sucks to be him! (Sarcastic response).
> Buffer


 I'm just glad I got to hear about it. This isn't the first time she has went a stray. This seems to be a little more serious and I do believe it's the first one he knows that something is going on. What Joy's me the most is it's his next door neighbor and the POS has to work southern swing shift so he works all the time haha.....wife is getting it in on the regular.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

OnTheRocks said:


> Young at Heart said:
> 
> 
> > May I suggest that you spend some time meditating and saying the words "I forgive my wife" until you start to believe that.
> ...


 I'm with you. I didn't do anything to him, yeah, I probably could have been a better husband but our friendship, the ex friend and mine was solid, or at least I thought. I never wished anything bad on him but at the same time I'm not upset hearing he's going through this. I am a little surprised he's turned violent towards her, guess he doesn't like it when it's happening to him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tilted 1 said:


> Why are you still hanging with that ass that cheated with your wife? This is very strange to say the least.


Not only is it strange it is also not what he said. At all. 

And he has cleared up the confusion later in this thread.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> Tilted 1 said:
> 
> 
> > Why are you still hanging with that ass that cheated with your wife? This is very strange to say the least.
> ...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you considered meeting up with him? It would be interesting to see if he has seen the light and would fill you in on what your wife and he has hidden from you. Of course, he could do everything from down playing it to making stuff up. 

The upside would be you could lay into him and tell him you are really enjoying his predicament. You might even add fuel to the flame. 

Whatever you decide to do, I would at least let him know some how you know and are very amused.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Don't tell your wife. Do keep your eyes and ears open because chances are that he'll come sniffing around for his wife's replacement. I'd go the VAR route with her.

Question: was he a 100 lbs overweight when your wife was shtooping him?


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Chaparral said:


> Have you considered meeting up with him? It would be interesting to see if he has seen the light and would fill you in on what your wife and he has hidden from you. Of course, he could do everything from down playing it to making stuff up.
> 
> The upside would be you could lay into him and tell him you are really enjoying his predicament. You might even add fuel to the flame.
> 
> Whatever you decide to do, I would at least let him know some how you know and are very amused.


I would love for him to know that I at least know...don't really think us being near each other would be in his best interest.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> Don't tell your wife. Do keep your eyes and ears open because chances are that he'll come sniffing around for his wife's replacement. I'd go the VAR route with her.
> 
> Question: was he a 100 lbs overweight when your wife was shtooping him?


I would assume that he would come snooping around. If I suspect anything at all I'd be done, I'm pretty sure she won't fall for it this time. I really think she realizes how bad she got used by him, I think she honestly cared for him more than she let me know and it hurt her to see him run like he did.
He was a bigger guy, both of us are...we are almost identical in size, well we were.6'5" 280


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What effect do you think the idea of divorcing after your son turns 18 is having on your wife? Does she have faith in you? Can you trust her not to be making plans?


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

OnTheRocks said:


> Totally disagree. Suffering for those who have done me seriously wrong will always bring a smile to my face. F them. Forever. I find no solace in forgiveness.


it is not never forgiving them, rather the place to get to is where you
no longer care about whatever may happen to them. known as reaching
indifference.

spending time hating the WS and the AP, time following them through
gossip and social media to learn that they have suffered bad consequences for their
actions, is all doing work, for free, to hate someone. people that low are not worth
the effort.


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

Chaparral said:


> What effect do you think the idea of divorcing after your son turns 18 is having on your wife? Does she have faith in you? Can you trust her not to be making plans?


I'm not sure anyone can ever say for sure of their spouse isn't making plans. I think she's about 50/50 with knowing what I'll do. If for some crazy reason she even talked to him again we would be done, I have zero doubt that it would take me a millisecond to make that decision


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## Avgman (Jan 18, 2019)

oldtruck said:


> OnTheRocks said:
> 
> 
> > Totally disagree. Suffering for those who have done me seriously wrong will always bring a smile to my face. F them. Forever. I find no solace in forgiveness.
> ...


If I was stalking them via social media or engaging with mutual friends I could see your point. This information was placed in my lap for free...


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

It just might be my overly heightened sense of self preservation since I was cheated on many years ago, but I would be more leery she is looking around. If a cheater can rationalize cheating once they can do it again. Especially if they can come up with an excuse.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Avgman said:


> I'm with you. I didn't do anything to him, yeah, I probably could have been a better husband but our friendship, the ex friend and mine was solid, or at least I thought. I never wished anything bad on him but at the same time I'm not upset hearing he's going through this. I am a little surprised he's turned violent towards her, guess he doesn't like it when it's happening to him.


I say wish, all bad things to befall him and your right about not knowing him. Look what he did to you. Not trying to reopen that cut but really it's ok to dislike him Alot. And quit the better husband crap cheating was all her and all him.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

OnTheRocks said:


> Totally disagree. Suffering for those who have done me seriously wrong will always bring a smile to my face. F them. Forever. I find no solace in forgiveness.


We are all different. Do you find indifference to be the end state in your grieving process?


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> We are all different. Do you find indifference to be the end state in your grieving process?


I believe in 'forget, but never forgive'. You eventually get over the pain they caused you and move on, hardly ever think about them, and never miss them. That's the 'forget' part. Never trusting them again, or smiling when you happen to hear of some misfortune befalling them are a couple of the 'never forgive' parts.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Avgman said:


> My wife likes to gossip, if I tell her it will be all over the county we live in before my breathe leaves the room from telling her. She obviously didn't like his wife to begin with and I think she hates him for the way he cowardly left her hanging when everything hit the fan. She realizes she got played by him and has seen the real him and I doubt she would be interested, I could be wrong but doubt it.


Wait...

So back when she was cheating on you, her boyfriend *DUMPED* her and she came crawling back to *you* as her fall-back option - and you took her back?

*Seriously?????*


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Wait...
> 
> So back when she was cheating on you, her boyfriend *DUMPED* her and she came crawling back to *you* as her fall-back option - and you took her back?
> 
> *Seriously?????*


But -- HE didn't KNOW that his wife had the BF, got dumped, and came back until YEARS later, so....


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