# Wife Refers to kids has her kids



## rajantonyv

Whenever my wife mentions the kids with other people and it doesn't matter, if I am standing next to her, she always refer to them as her kids instead of "ours". The first couple of times, even though I didn't feel comfortable, I didn't tell her. After a while, I had to tell her and I have told her couple of times already. Based on the conversation, she said that it is her speaking style and I am not sure if I should take it at face value. Even after our conversations, she continues to handle it. How should I handle it?


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## SaxonMan

Well, first, I think she could/should do that for you if you ask her to. It may take her some time to remember to do so though.

Second, take a look around the forum at some of the problems others have got. It'll make you feel a lot better about yours.


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## jamie31709

i do it too and its not meant bad against there dad its just out of habit from talking to other people when i talk to him about them i refer to them as ours and on occassion i do slip and say my kids. and yes he does get mad! i dont think its meant against u in any way! just understand that it becomes habit and that its not meant in a hurtful way


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## Mephisto

I think it could be a sign of an underlying problem in your marriage. She is taking ownership of them subconsciously, probably because she thinks that you aren't as involved as she would like, so therefore they are "her" kids. She likely sees herself as being the sole carer, and you are someone who comes and goes......

Maybe......


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## michzz

Next time she does that, you could interject that you believe them to be yours as well. Say it with a smile.

And say something similar the time after that, and the time after that.

Or start bringing up "my children" in social settings.

Basically defuse what she is doing.


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## F-102

I wouldn't worry too much about it, many people talk this way, especially in the U.S., and especially mothers about the kids. Now, if she starts saying "MY house, MY car, MY money...then you've got a real problem.


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## ASV

My wife has that habit of saying "my" with almost everything concerned with the kids or the house,she doesn't mean any particulair by it, but yes it is annoying at times, espessially when there are other people around.
If she mentiones something like.."i'm gonna make my bed or clean my kitchen". i jest with,"Are you gonna make my 1/2 of the bed or " clean my half of the kitchen too ?

However everything to do with the business or outside the house is refered to to me as yours,even to others.

In te case of kids,we men supply only the sperm,the woman does the rest so what if they are a little possessive about it. It doesn't bother me none.
I'm glad to never have had to change a stinky diaper or warm a bottle in the middle of the night.:sleeping:

my 2c


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## stoney1215

rajantonyv said:


> Whenever my wife mentions the kids with other people and it doesn't matter, if I am standing next to her, she always refer to them as her kids instead of "ours". The first couple of times, even though I didn't feel comfortable, I didn't tell her. After a while, I had to tell her and I have told her couple of times already. Based on the conversation, she said that it is her speaking style and I am not sure if I should take it at face value. Even after our conversations, she continues to handle it. How should I handle it?


what is your concern ? are they her kids ? are you upset that she doesnt say they are yours as well ? is it only when you are present that this bothers you ? ei. do you say my kids when talking about them and your wife is not around or do you say our kids ? 

it is also my speaking style when talking to my wife about one of the kids i say to her your son , or your daughter , and not mine or ours . and i also say my kids when speaking to others and not ours or hers . to be honest i have never noticed what my wife says . i will pay attention next time opportunity arises . 

bottom line . they are her kids . they are your kids . they are our kids . stop being insecure.


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## pidge70

Why do you keep resurrecting such old threads? The OP hasn't even logged back on in almost 2yrs.


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## Wanting1

Ha! I call them my kids, unless they are in trouble. Then I turn to DH and tell him, "Your daughter is .....!"


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## Gaia

F-102 said:


> Now, if she starts saying "MY house, MY car, MY money...then you've got a real problem.


This made me laugh.. :rofl:


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