# another blow to the marriage.. heading to lawyer this week.



## tiki (Feb 13, 2011)

I went away this weekend with my friends and had a ball... It is so very hard to put up a front that all is well with my marriage... I am always glad when I can stop the acting once I get home. My husband and I had another huge fall out before I left... It involved a serious trust issue we have had our entire marriage (substance abuse issues) I am so done. I cannot trust him... I have spent the entire weekend trying to think of an aspect of marriage that is more important than trust, and I couldn't think of one.. It is the pillar of a marriage and ours has crumbled years and years ago.
He has offered to go to a counselor.. but I really don't think any amount of intervention can bring this back...
So, I have a meeting this week with a lawyer.. what is she going to say to me? what do I need to bring? I am doing this more to set up for the chance that a divorce will happen... I want to have everything in order.. If I need a year to get things together, I will.. whatever it takes to make it a smooth transition if it comes to it...
I am numb tonight and cannot even begin to bring myself to converse with him, and of course as always, he is acting like nothing happened and we are the happy little picture perfect family.. It makes me sick to think that he can do so much damage and not feel a bit of remorse over it.....

Sorry to ramble and jump around.. there is not a soul in the world that knows of our troubles and it is hard...


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm so sorry. Addictions will devastate people--so separating yourself from his addiction is really the only choice unless and until he decides to deal with it. Are there children involved? Be prepared to protect them--supervised visitation only while they are under 16 (unable to drive if they suspect he's been using). Sad, but it is all you can do when addiction is involved. You may need to be able to provide evidence, so ask the attorney about it. Don't discuss any of this with him--you need to put the safety of yourself and any kids first. IF you are willing to give him a chance, insist on rehab and MC when he's completed rehab. God bless.


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## tiki (Feb 13, 2011)

Yes, there are kids.. and I am not sure what kind of proof to provide... I don't have pics of him doing drugs... just years and years of me suspecting and catching him over and over and over again.. not to make light of the situation, but he smokes pot... but drugs are drugs are drugs in my eyes.. I am thankful it is not something more serious, but all the while, I don't like it or approve of it and it is not good for him or our family. He doesn't know that I am going this week, but he does know that I am fed up... I wonder what steps if any he has taken... I don't know the rules in our state and don't know if it matters if he jumps before I do and files... I will have to ask the lawyer... he is more than willing to see a counselor... I am the one dragging my feet... if I choose too, I will be the one finding one, making the app, getting the kids watched, etc...I just don't even have it in me to do that much.. Horrible, yes..... but the camel's back is broken.... this last time of catching him was enough for me.. I thought 110% he was done with it... what will it take for him to quit?


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