# Do I confront?



## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

When visiting my parents house, our 13 year old daughter was on their computer and found an open tab of porn. She opened it. She didn't tell my husband and I till just yesterday. She doesn't seem upset about it but more annoyed that they were so careless and didn't close it. My question is should I confront them about it asking them to be more careful to close everything before their grandchildren come over?? I don't want it to happen again and our 9 year old see it


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

annagarret said:


> When visiting my parents house, our 13 year old daughter was on their computer and found an open tab of porn. She opened it. She didn't tell my husband and I till just yesterday. She doesn't seem upset about it but more annoyed that they were so careless and didn't close it. My question is should I confront them about it asking them to be more careful to close everything before their grandchildren come over?? I don't want it to happen again and our 9 year old see it


I don't think admonishing your parents is the best route. Just inform them of what your daughter told you she found. That should be enough for them to be more careful in the future and shut things down before the kids come by.


----------



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Absolutely, you must say something, in a nice way, so this doesn't happen again.


----------



## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Did your daughter have permission to be on the computer or did she just use it.

If she asked, then tell them they might want to be more careful.

If she didn't have direct permission to be there, teach her to mind her own business.


----------



## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Did your daughter have permission to be on the computer or did she just use it.
> 
> If she asked, then tell them they might want to be more careful.
> 
> If she didn't have direct permission to be there, teach her to mind her own business.


:iagree:


----------



## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Did your daughter have permission to be on the computer or did she just use it.
> 
> If she asked, then tell them they might want to be more careful.
> 
> If she didn't have direct permission to be there, teach her to mind her own business.


Agreed.
If your parents let a kid go on a computer with porn on it, it's on them.
If your daughter went on their computer without permission, it's on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I wouldnt be so direct unless your parents are aware that you know what they do. This could upset them or worse. Just say that you prefer your children to be under supervision when they are at the computer.


----------



## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

accept said:


> I wouldnt be so direct unless your parents are aware that you know what they do. This could upset them or worse. Just say that you prefer your children to be under supervision when they are at the computer.


I think until a few months ago I would have leaned more towards this response. 

But, there are so many issues/problems that come up here (and in life) that would be so helped by just being forthright. It's almost a lie of omission to tell them the supervision thing without stating the real reason why. Someone at the grandparents house looks at porn. So what? Unless it's child porn, it's legal and something people do. Why do we (that is the Royal We) have to keep up pretenses?

The I-know-but-you-don't-know-that-I-know stuff just makes things worse. Who knows, maybe the grandkid thinks grandpa's some sort of pervert now . . .and it was granny chillin' with the porn!!

Just being a little philosophical here.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

southern wife said:


> Absolutely, you must say something, in a nice way, so this doesn't happen again.


That convo shouldn't be too awkward.


----------



## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I'm assuming your Mom isn't the one viewing porn. Tell your Dad what happen in private and tell him to never let it happen again. If you tell both of them you'll could cause some serious grief in their relationship which could backfire on you. Leave it up to him to tell his wife.


----------



## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Enginerd said:


> I'm assuming your Mom isn't the one viewing porn. Tell your Dad what happen in private and tell him to never let it happen again. If you tell both of them you'll could cause some serious grief in their relationship which could backfire on you. Leave it up to him to tell his wife.


That's real good advice. Yes, my mom would totally flip and yes our daughter had permission to go on. I am not looking forward to talking to him about this......maybe I should have my husband do it????


----------



## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Or leave it alone.

Tell your daughter that the computer is off limits when she visits.

No offence to your daughter intended. But, she wouldn't be the first 13 year old girl that loved a little drama.

It's their house, you didn't see it, you only have the "facts" as she relayed them. What if things aren't as you were told? Now that would be uncomfortable.


----------



## Darkhorse (Dec 3, 2011)

Yea, it's gramma and grampa's house. She can survive without the computer while there. Have her visit with them more


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

What is the purpose of confronting them? Let's say you told them to be more careful with their porn and they said "OK". Would you then just trust your father's computer skills and blindly send your kid up to use their computer at will? The solutiion is you should not allow your kids to use a computer where adults cannot see what they are doing. 

What you should do is create some limiting policies and explain to your child that the reason is to keep her protected from things like the porn she saw at grandpa's house.


----------



## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

Ah - so it's grandpa that's the porn-viewing perv? I think I missed that post where this fact was noted.


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

That usually has the opposite effect on kids. Telling them not to do something. I wouldnt tell them anything just the grandparents that they should supervise the kids.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think it is great your daughter came to you and told you. I also think if I was going to say anything-it would be - to dad alone. Just letting him know that she came to you with this. 

See how he reacts & take it from there, or like others, no computer use while visiting. She doesn't have an ipod ? Might want to surprise her with one for Christmas.


----------



## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i wouldnt have a problem telling my parents to keep a tighter lid on their porn. i know they have it. my daughter is still a little young to know what porn is, but i wouldnt want her stumbling around and finding it at my parents house. i would tell them both to lock it up. my dad is the one that looks at porn, but my mom knows damn well he does it.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

What would be hilarious is if it was grandma viewing the porn. IMO it doesn't matter, the kid is at their house. They're adults who usually don't have kids around and it obviously was forgotten that porn was left up on the computer. I seriously doubt that they would have given permission to use it if they knew porn was up on it.

As for upsetting grandma if you mention it? Well if she uses the computer too, I find it unlikely she doesn't know porn is being viewed on it. That's just my take.


----------

