# To Punish or Not To Punish (& how)



## BuddyL33 (Jul 16, 2009)

So I have posted a time or two in this sub-forum about how my gf and I parent so differently. She also feels like I don't have her back (not because I over rule her I DON"T) because I don't come out swinging with the same ideas/punishments at the same time she does. 

So this morning while she was getting the kids ready for school (it was my turn to go into work early), she found 3 pink erasers in my 1st grade son's backpack. She asked him where he got them and he told her from school. She then asked him if he was supposed to take them from school and he replied no. 

So she gave him the option of taking them back to school and telling the teacher what he had done (exactly what I would have done). When he told her he didn't want to because he would get in more trouble she made him give her the erasers and told him that we would all sit down and discuss this tonight. 

Had it been me, no wouldn't have been an option. I would have told him he was going to do it, even if it did mean he got in trouble at school. But she didn't, so now she wants me to punish him (she doesn't want to be the one to punish him because she always does). 

I suggested extra chores but she struck that down because he enjoys helping around the house. I asked what she suggested and she couldn't tell me because she says I usually consider her punishments too strict (my guess is she would ground him from anything electronic for the entire weekend). 

Kinda looking for some advice on what some other parents think would be appropriate. I really wish she would have just told him he had to do it anyways, tough **** sorta thing. Then if he didn't we could deal with additional punishment.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

One of you should walk him into his class Monday with the erasers and make him admit it to the teacher in front of you.


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

I agree with lilac. Take him in and make him confess to the teacher. If he is dreading it that much I would say that's punishment enough. Make sure you explain to him how wrong it is to steal and if it happens again the punishment will be worse.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

It is not about punishment. It is about remedy and amends. Some random, unrelated, punishment that allows him to weasel out of fessing up is useless. He goes to the teacher, admits what he did, return the materials and takes his licks.

I remember one time when my young son stole from a museum gift shop. I asked him, what do you need to do? He said, return them and apologize. He was TERRIFIED. He thought he was going to go to jail! (He did not tell me that until later.) He did the thing though. The funny thing is that the museum was a pirate museum. The store keeper mentioned to him that the he just witnessed the outcome of a life of crime in the form of the demise of all those pirates. Win!


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