# what is wrong with me?



## wakeUP (Aug 8, 2012)

My opiate addict husband just checked into a detox/rehab yesterday. I have been fighting to get him to quit various prescription drugs for 5 years. The lying, the manipulation, the BS and drama has been too much. I don't know if he'll ever be the man I married 7 years ago. I have filed for divorce and I'm just sick to my stomach. I believed his lies for 5 years because it was what I wanted to hear. It's devastating to wake up and see that I ignored the reality and I was in denial. I have 2 kids under 5 with him. I work full time and I now make twice as much as my husband. He owns his own business and used to make more than me when we met. I was married before to an abusive man and I divorced him after 6 years of marriage with 1 child. I should have known better. What the hell is wrong with me?


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

Nothing is wrong with you. From what I read it seems to me that you have a good head on your shoulders and are independent. You made some tough choices and walked away from a drug addicted man who was dragging you through hell with him. Sometimes people hold out on hope until the "I have had it" come around and wakes them up. 
Not one thing wrong with you. Best luck to you


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## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

My H has an opiate addiction also. I know how you are feeling, I have felt that way a lot.

There is nothing wrong with you. I am actually quite impressed, you seem to be handling things quite well.

I tell myself ALL THE TIME I should have known better. I knew all he did was lie to me but I let myself be blinded for years. It does not make us stupid. I am sure there are wonderful qualities your H at least once had (if they are gone now), and we can grasp on to that and not want to let go.

Have you gone to Al-Anon? Even if you are no longer with your H, it can help with the feelings you are having about yourself. It helps to be surrounded by people who have gone thru similar situations. I felt very much alone and that no one could really understand what I was dealing with, and when I walked thru those doors I found a bunch of people just like me involved with addicts just like my H. I don't feel crazy anymore. Well, maybe still a little bit 

Stay strong. This is all very normal. Don't beat yourself up. The past is done, all you can do is work on today. All the best to you.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

When you know better you do better. We all do the best we can on any given day you know that right? There is nothing wrong with you.


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## wakeUP (Aug 8, 2012)

Wow! I didn't expect such quick and supportive responses, thank you 

Life with an addict spouse has been absolutely crazy making and I am tired of coping with it alone. I’m just frustrated with myself and how I have a tendency to get tangled in issues that aren't mine and I ignore my needs. My soon to be ex has never hit bottom because I have always enabled him, like the $20k rehab that he is at right now. I’ll get screwed financially in the divorce because his business has fallen apart since he would be passed out on the couch or too high to talk with anyone. ERR, the memories of finding holes in the leather couch because he passed out smoking a cigarette during the day while I was at work. I’m ashamed to say it happened more times than I can remember and I let him get away with it. It really is amazing the house never burned down. The broken promises aren’t new, but it’s like I just woke up to reality and it is not pleasant. Denial about his addiction wasn’t easier because I thought the problems were something that I controlled. Geez, I do sound like a co-dependent. I’ll check out an al-anon meeting. 

I know I need to remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for - I have beautiful, smart children, I have a masters degree, I have a great career, make an excellent salary, huge house, I'm told I'm pretty and I genuinely do care about people. I need to stop thinking about the horrible things my soon to be ex would say, do or not do, it really has been BS. The man I married doesn't exist anymore, I'm divorcing a prescription drug addict.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

There is nothing wrong with you....as I see it you are making positive steps foreward.


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## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

You know what I love about this forum, I feel so less alone with the crap I put myself through for 20+ years enabling my husband's pot addiction.


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