# Do any men NOT enjoy facials, anal and cum shots?



## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.

He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable. 

I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?

After months of playfully telling him to stick it in my ass we had a few failed (but fun attempts) at anal. I don't detest it, but I need to be drunk for it to be enjoyable and successful. I'm not saying I need to be drunk to have sex with my husband. No. But when I'm all done up and we've had a night out I tend to be in the mood more and I think that's a fair assessment for most women.

I hope we're not experiencing that Madonna/***** complex in which the thought of cuming on my face turns him off, but on some twentysomething it's appealing because I'm his wife and she's of no importance. Maybe that's a stretch, I don't know... His response and lack of interest just doesn't seem normal. I don't think he's cheating, but I think he's just a man... And men want these things, don't they?

Do any of you NOT like to do these things? If so, why?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes, some men do not like those things.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

As EleGirl said, there absolutely are men who have no interest in those things. My husband is one of them. 

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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

You weren't specific, but I'd hate to be on the receiving end.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

browser said:


> You weren't specific, but I'd hate to be on the receiving end.


No, lol. As a male you're the giver, .


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Maricha75 said:


> As EleGirl said, there absolutely are men who have no interest in those things. My husband is one of them.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


Don't you worry he's lying to you? Like he doesn't want to tell you when he's secretly masturbating to the idea of doing it to someone? I guess I should have put this in the Men's Club... I'm more interested in their honest opinion. Not women who've been "told" one thing...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

None of those interest me. I had one or two gfs who liked facials occasionally, and one who liked anal. I'd do it for them, but it wasn't something I myself wanted.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> No, lol. As a male you're the giver, .


As a heterosexual male and a giver, I'm all in. I'd rather finish on her than in her.

Not all males qualify as givers. I guess gay guys take turns shooting off on each other, in a twisted sort of way that's probably fair. "Oh yeah? Take THAT!" Splat.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Don't you worry he's lying to you? Like he doesn't want to tell you when he's secretly masturbating to the idea of doing it to someone? I guess I should have put this in the Men's Club... I'm more interested in their honest opinion. Not women who've been "told" one thing...


Women reply in the men's forum just like men reply in the women's forum. It does not matter where you post since many people use the "New Post" link and it just shows all the new posts.

I think your attitude towards women posting in this is pretty lousy since we also have valid experiences with men.

As bowser said, he would not want to be on the receiving end of this kind of thing. So some men realize that if they would not enjoy this, they can understand why their wife would not enjoy it.

The fact is that some men do not like this kind of "play". Some men consider it disrespectful.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> No, lol. As a male you're the giver, .


From a guy who tried all of the above I would never ask my gf to try a facial,I've done it with past gfs but not it's not something I want to do with someone special to me.As for anal,lube is your friend in this situation.
You say your sex life has become dull and boring so why don't YOU spice it up.A few toys,role play,grooming each other can work wonders.
My own personal favourite is the geisha girl role play but that's just me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Don't you worry he's lying to you? Like he doesn't want to tell you when he's secretly masturbating to the idea of doing it to someone? I guess I should have put this in the Men's Club... I'm more interested in their honest opinion. Not women who've been "told" one thing...


If I was that paranoid about what the man I was with thought, I would end the relationship.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Some men enjoy those things and many women do not. A lot of guys learn about sex by watching porn where all sorts of things are done to paid actresses. As someone into BDSM for 52 years, ejaculating on a girls face is a sign of sexual dominance, a submissive act for the women if she is into being sexually submissive and also a form of marking your territory. This is common in the BDSM world but not something non submissive women like. If I tried that with our girlfriend I would have gotten my head handed to me. My wife would do it because she loves me and it would make me happy. No matter what the reason, it is a dominance/submissive act. Not unlike urinating on someone. The fact that two people like it does not examine the reason why they like it or think it is fun. Do girls look better with semen on their faces? I do not think so but maybe some do. 

Anal is mainstream now. I was doing anal 40 years ago before porn stars did it. 14 year old girls are doing it today to preserve their virginity and/or prevent pregnancy. It is mentioned on TV and in the movies, indirectly most times. It has entered mainstream society. I guess I am more interested in how I get to my orgasm and not what I do with it which is mostly what BDSM is all about. Most never explore why they enjoy sexual things or are aroused by it. The things mentioned in the OP are often signs of male dominance. Anal sex can be done out of love if both enjoy it. It can also be done as a sign of dominance much like it is in prison. When the two sex acts are mentioned together I just think of porn where a man shows his dominance over some submissive woman (paid to do it, I should add). 

In my fetish life the things being talked about are common ways to dominate or humiliate a woman. They are not things I would do if I was just making love. My wife is/was sexually submissive so she did more than the average wive. However, I know it is a D/s thing and not a regular part of sex as portrayed in porn. It is bad enough when I reads young guys posting about the unsatisfying sex they have with girls when what they are expecting is what girls are paid to do, not real life. Once again, if the girl is submissive and indicates that it is OK, then go for it even if it makes you feel like a porn star for a few minutes. No harm done but it is not something I would just do the first time I had sex with a woman without her permission.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> From a guy who tried all of the above I would never ask my gf to try a facial,I've done it with past gfs but not it's not something I want to do with someone special to me.


You make it sound like it's a negative thing and that she won't enjoy it. Lots of girls do, especially if it's enjoyable to the man she loves and cares about. Some girls I've known are really into anal, I could take it or leave it, and others almost beg for the money shot as if it's something they earned for good achievement.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Women reply in the men's forum just like men reply in the women's forum. It does not matter where you post since many people use the "New Post" link and it just shows all the new posts.
> 
> I think your attitude towards women posting in this is pretty lousy since we also have valid experiences with men.
> 
> ...


True, all opinions are welcome, I gues I just feel like he's LYING to me. Like he actually does want those things and is too shy, proud, etc. to actually admit it?
I understand some consider it disrpectful to people importance. Wives. That's what has me paranoid. He does want to do these things, just not to me.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

browser said:


> You make it sound like it's a negative thing and that she won't enjoy it. Lots of girls do, especially if it's enjoyable to the man she loves and cares about. Some girls I've known are really into anal, I could take it or leave it, and others almost beg for the money shot as if it's something they earned for good achievement.


If your so doesn't mind facials then try this.It is a bit rude.
If you are taking her from behind just as you are about to shoot pull out and spit on her back,when she turns around give it to her in the face.
Then run.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> If your so doesn't mind facials then try this.It is a bit rude.
> If you are taking her from behind just as you are about to shoot pull out and spit on her back,when she turns around give it to her in the face.
> Then run.


Why?


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> If your so doesn't mind facials then try this.It is a bit rude.
> If you are taking her from behind just as you are about to shoot pull out and spit on her back,when she turns around give it to her in the face.
> Then run.


I wouldn't even hate that.
Apart from the running away. Own it.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
> 
> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> ...



Your hubby is a very lucky man but clueless to the sexual adventurousness you want to do with him.

Most guys would kill for a lady like yourself.

Into anal, facial, cum shot, adventurous sex, WOW.

Were are more ladies like yourself???

I wish Mrs.CuddleBug was into those things and more adventurous sex, but she is conservative LD. Basically, like your hubby.

You are HD and he is more LD.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I wouldn't even hate that.
> Apart from the running away. Own it.


How far could he even run with no pants?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

CuddleBug said:


> Into anal, facial, cum shot, adventurous sex, WOW.
> 
> Were are more ladies like yourself???


They're over HERE


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

browser said:


> They're over HERE



:grin2::grin2::grin2::grin2::grin2:


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

browser said:


> Why?


When she realises you spat on her.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> When she realises you spat on her.


I was asking why do it, not why run away.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

CuddleBug said:


> Your hubby is a very lucky man but clueless to the sexual adventurousness you want to do with him.
> 
> Most guys would kill for a lady like yourself.
> 
> ...


I don't think he IS LD. IF I could check his porn history (although he insists he doesn't watch it) I'm confident he'd search the stuff I'm talking about.
I feel like he does want to... I Just don't believe a 30 year old man doesn't... It's like he doesn't want to do it with me..

He IS a pretty low key. conservative almost boring individual, though. He always has been. It's starting to become an issue NOW and I don't know why...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Don't you worry he's lying to you? Like he doesn't want to tell you when he's secretly masturbating to the idea of doing it to someone? I guess I should have put this in the Men's Club... I'm more interested in their honest opinion. Not women who've been "told" one thing...


Absolutely not. If I was afraid he was lying to me about it, then there would be a LOT more to be worrying about in our relationship. But, I have also been told that my husband is quite rare, anyway. He is one if those "odd men" who doesn't m masturbate, either. It isn't a matter of being "told" something, either. It is observation, and truly knowing my husband.



UnicornCupcake said:


> True, all opinions are welcome, I gues I just feel like he's LYING to me. Like he actually does want those things and is too shy, proud, etc. to actually admit it?
> I understand some consider it disrpectful to people importance. Wives. That's what has me paranoid. He does want to do these things, just not to me.


Did you ever think of ASKING him why he days he doesn't like these things/has no interest? And did it ever occur to you that he sees it as disrespectful to the woman he loves, THEREFORE, the idea repulses him, regardless? Why not just tell him you want to spice things up and are open to ideas... and you BOTH have the option to veto things that are too far outside your comfort zone.

Tbh, your response to me made me bristle. Why? Because the way you replied insinuated that I don't really know my husband, and that my knowledge of what he likes and doesn't like is insignificant. I think that your paranoia regarding what he has stated he does not want to do should be addressed, first. You have this preconceived idea that "all men like XYZ". That is not at all the case, and it would probably help you to figure out why you don't believe your husband. 

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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I don't think he IS LD. IF I could check his porn history (although he insists he doesn't watch it) I'm confident he'd search the stuff I'm talking about.
> I feel like he does want to... I Just don't believe a 30 year old man doesn't... It's like he doesn't want to do it with me..


He said he's not into it and yet you're confident that he is. 

Why such a lack of trust in his honesty?



UnicornCupcake said:


> He IS a pretty low key. conservative almost boring individual, though. He always has been. It's starting to become an issue NOW and I don't know why...


This is the real problem. The two of you are not sexually compatible. This is somewhere around the top third reason for failure of relationships. I think "lack of trust" is number two.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I don't think he IS LD. IF I could check his porn history (although he insists he doesn't watch it) I'm confident he'd search the stuff I'm talking about.
> I feel like he does want to... I Just don't believe a 30 year old man doesn't... It's like he doesn't want to do it with me..
> 
> He IS a pretty low key. conservative almost boring individual, though. He always has been. It's starting to become an issue NOW and I don't know why...



Maybe we should swap spouses?:grin2:

Have you tried dressing up? Cosplay?

Have you snooped into what he views?

I agree. A 30 year old man should be a horn dawg, no question.

It's called sexual mismatch. One spouse is HD adventurous and the other spouse is more conservative, almost boring and more LD.

Sex boosts testosterone and us guys just feel great with that energy.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I don't think he IS LD. IF I could check his porn history (although he insists he doesn't watch it) I'm confident he'd search the stuff I'm talking about.
> I feel like he does want to... I Just don't believe a 30 year old man doesn't... It's like he doesn't want to do it with me..
> 
> He IS a pretty low key. conservative almost boring individual, though. He always has been. It's starting to become an issue NOW and I don't know why...


Right here. You think he is lying about porn viewing, too? Smh. Another thing that not every man has any interest in. Note, I am not saying that they have *never seen*, but that they have no interest in it, so choose mot to look at it. You have yourself so convinced tgat he is lying to you about all this. I honestly don't think he is the problem, here. I do, however, disagree with CB's assessment that your husband is LD, too. I think it is more tgat he has no interest in the "odd" sexual activities. (I put it in quotes because to some, it is not odd, to others, it is. My husband is 35. He wasn't interested in any of that when we met when he was 17, and he still has no interest in it. So, it is true. There truly ARE men who have zero interest in those things.

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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Maybe we should swap spouses?:grin2:
> 
> Have you tried dressing up? Cosplay?
> 
> ...


CB, lack of interest in facials and the other things does not mean he is uninterested/virtually uninterested in sex. It means he has no interest in certain ACTS. You can spice things up, and you absolutely can be a "horn dawg" and not be interested in specific sexual acts. Stop putting words in her mouth, including insinuating he is LD. Not once did she indicate that he has little interest in sex, only that she THOUGHT all men like certain acts, which is NOT the case. The REAL issue here is that she doesn't trust what he says. They need to address THAT, if they are going to figure anything out.

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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Maricha75 said:


> The REAL issue here is that she doesn't trust what he says. They need to address THAT, if they are going to figure anything out


I'm thinking her unwillingess to take what he says at face value is eclipsed by their different sexual preference. He's a conservative guy who is probably satisfied with missionary style sex, and she wants to be degraded and spit on. That doesn't leave much for a middle ground.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I don't think he IS LD. IF I could check his porn history (although he insists he doesn't watch it) I'm confident he'd search the stuff I'm talking about.
> I feel like he does want to... I Just don't believe a 30 year old man doesn't... It's like he doesn't want to do it with me..
> 
> He IS a pretty low key. conservative almost boring individual, though. He always has been. It's starting to become an issue NOW and I don't know why...




The reason I say he is more LD, is because if he was HD adventurous, he would be into those things and usually in the mood and with you. I am HD adventurous and those activities and more do interest me, were as my wife is like your hubby.

There has to be a reason why he isn't into you.

Health? Size? There has to be a reason.

To me, those aren't odd sexual activities. They are fun and spice it up.

He is conservative, almost boring and doesn't want to do anything fun and spicy. Sounds like he doesn't want sex much to begin with. Maybe he has sex to keep the marriage going?
*
Or is he a secret porn addict all this time?*


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> CB, lack of interest in facials and the other things does not mean he is uninterested/virtually uninterested in sex. It means he has no interest in certain ACTS. You can spice things up, and you absolutely can be a "horn dawg" and not be interested in specific sexual acts. Stop putting words in her mouth, including insinuating he is LD. Not once did she indicate that he has little interest in sex, only that she THOUGHT all men like certain acts, which is NOT the case. The REAL issue here is that she doesn't trust what he says. They need to address THAT, if they are going to figure anything out.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk




This guy sounds similar to Mrs.CuddleBug.

I am a horn dawg at times and that means I'm not a conservative, quiet, sexually boring guy.

I am not putting words in her mouth. I am giving my advice and if you don't like it, nuts to you.

Most men love sex.

Most men have high sex drives.

"Most men are visually stimulated", that's why porn is so addicting. The hotter the woman, the more we'll probably look.....

Men are simple.....hot woman, we look, sex. Simple.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> The reason I say he is more LD, is because if he was HD adventurous, he would be into those things and usually in the mood and with you. I am HD adventurous and those activities and more do interest me, were as my wife is like your hubby.
> 
> There has to be a reason why he isn't into you.
> 
> ...


Ugh. Wrong. Even someone with a higher drive is entitled to have NO INTEREST in specific acts. And, just because someone is more conservative, it DOES NOT mean they have little to know interest in sex! Can the stereotypes, man! She already stated that they DID try anal, and it didn't turn out well. That, right there, says he is WILLING to try different things, but certain acts are off the table for him. Yes, they do seem mismatched now. No question about it. But she doesn't need someone telling her that "if he was HD, he'd be into it". That is NOT the case, at all. And she NEVER said he isn't into HER. Again, you are reading a hell of a lot more into this than is actually there. He is not into certain ACTS, which SHE thinks he should be into... because he is a man. 😡

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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> This guy sounds similar to Mrs.CuddleBug.
> 
> I am a horn dawg at times and that means I'm not a conservative, quiet, sexually boring guy.
> 
> ...


SHE. NEVER. SAID. HE. DOESN'T. LIKE. SEX.

You absolutely ARE putting words into her mouth, tainted by your own experience with Mrs.CB. She has NOT ONCE stated he has no interest in sex. She has ONLY stated that he has no interest in facials/cum shots/money shots... whatever else you want to call it. And they DID try anal, and I bet he would try again, if she is loosened up enough, etc. 

The one thing I agree with is that most men are higher drive. The problem here, is YOU are assuming he is LD because he expressed that he does not want to do specific acts. That, CB, is a categorically false assumption. So, yes, you absolutely ARE putting words into her mouth.

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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Ugh. Wrong. Even someone with a higher drive is entitled to have NO INTEREST in specific acts. And, just because someone is more conservative, it DOES NOT mean they have little to know interest in sex! Can the stereotypes, man! She already stated that they DID try anal, and it didn't turn out well. That, right there, says he is WILLING to try different things, but certain acts are off the table for him. Yes, they do seem mismatched now. No question about it. But she doesn't need someone telling her that "if he was HD, he'd be into it". That is NOT the case, at all. And she NEVER said he isn't into HER. Again, you are reading a hell of a lot more into this than is actually there. He is not into certain ACTS, which SHE thinks he should be into... because he is a man. 😡
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk



Disagree. You are a woman with a woman's view, and not a man's view.

I am giving a man's view on this.

I am a man, and I know many guys who also are HD. Guess what? They are into those things and more. No surprise there. They wish their ladies were into that stuff.

Stereotypes come from facts. That's why they are stereotypes.

There has to be a reason why he isn't into her. She wants fun sex with him and he doesn't with her. Why? That's what I'm interested in learning.

You need to calm down already.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> SHE. NEVER. SAID. HE. DOESN'T. LIKE. SEX.
> 
> You absolutely ARE putting words into her mouth, tainted by your own experience with Mrs.CB. She has NOT ONCE stated he has no interest in sex. She has ONLY stated that he has no interest in facials/cum shots/money shots... whatever else you want to call it. And they DID try anal, and I bet he would try again, if she is loosened up enough, etc.
> 
> ...



Nothing else better to do again than nit pick apart posts you don't agree with. No surprise there.

And you're a woman only seeing it from a woman's perspective. That's 50%......

You're telling me, a HD adventurous guy, that those fun spicy things we all aren't into, conservative, quiet sexually boring and we'd rather view porn than have fun sex often with our ladies? No.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> This guy sounds similar to Mrs.CuddleBug.
> 
> I am a horn dawg at times and that means I'm not a conservative, quiet, sexually boring guy.
> 
> ...


Just because people don't want or like certain sexual things doesn't make them LD or non-adventurous or boring in bed. There are HD people who try various things and are great in bed, but they would never do anal and don't want it on the face. Men should be stimulated by their wives, not porn.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Count this old fashioned fart as one who doesn't like stuff like that in the least!

I find it personally obnoxious and more than disrespectful to my love interest!*


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

HD has little to do with types of activities, but desire to have sex in whatever configuration pleases you most. You want missionary 7 times a week? HD. You want a facial once a month? LD. IMO.

@UnicornCupcake, my husband doesn't enjoy any of the above. Especially facials. He's not conservative (at all...I had especially here and then I thought a bit and laughed) but to him, it doesn't feel as good as finishing inside. I trust that he is telling the truth and if he is not, he is only short-changing himself.




> I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?


I think the most important thing I've learned in my marriage is don't listen to what "most" men want. Listen to your husband, without judgement and openly. Just like women are pegged into boxes we don't like, men receive the same treatment and it sucks just as much.

I don't worry that he's lying to me because a) he isn't a liar b) I don't give him a reason to feel pressured or judged when he is expressing himself. Never been like "ew gross, you are a pervert" to try to get him to not want something sexually.

My husband is not into any of your list. I trust that he isn't as I have no issues with letting him express himself verbally and sexually and talking about his likes, dislikes and would like to tries. I wouldn't categorize my husband as conservative, but facials and cumshots especially aren't appealing to his sexuality for reasons like: doesn't feel as good/is mostly for show/degrading in not a fun way. 



> IF I could check his porn history (although he insists he doesn't watch it) I'm confident he'd search the stuff I'm talking about.


Maybe. However, fantasy and reality don't always collide, especially when it comes to sex and porn. Even if he did search this stuff, he might not be compelled to do it for other reasons. 

The big thing that concerns me is how much you don't trust your husband's words which are also backed up by his actions. What is the driver of the second guessing?


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Maricha75 said:


> SHE. NEVER. SAID. HE. DOESN'T. LIKE. SEX.
> 
> You absolutely ARE putting words into her mouth, tainted by your own experience with Mrs.CB. She has NOT ONCE stated he has no interest in sex. She has ONLY stated that he has no interest in facials/cum shots/money shots... whatever else you want to call it. And they DID try anal, and I bet he would try again, if she is loosened up enough, etc.
> 
> ...


I PMed you.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I know that some woman get off on being humiliated or being roughly taken but to most men, who love their wives, we don't enjoy abusing our woman. I love my wife and wouldn't want to shoot on her face. To me, I'd feel like I'm disrespecting her.

Anal is a different story. Taking her anally is extremely hot to me. There are many men who want to do more adventurous things with their wife but fear that not only will they be turned down but that their wife will think they're sick. I'd bet the majority of men fall in this category.

Of course there are also men that sincerely don't want to try anal or have their wife swallow. If your husband is one of these men, you may need to curb your desire for these act by eliminating movies, books, or friends that are planting these desires in your mind. Continuing to plant these desires, will lead you to another man's bed to fulfill those desire. So if you don't want to find yourself become a wayward, watch what you allow into your mind.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

My husband doesn't like being put on the spot; do you like this? do you like that? He prefers things to be experimental and natural. Sometimes he just doesn't know whether he likes something or not. And if he watches something in porn it certainly doesn't mean he wants to actually do it. BTW he has never been interested in facials as it is a complete turn off for him, he describes it as 'wrong' in the same way spanking seems 'wrong' (and I have tried). Watching a paid porn star do something and doing the same thing to your wife are 2 different things. 

If you want to spice things up maybe you should go slow and gradual. The sex we have now is very different to the sex we had 20 years ago - it was an evolution rather than revolution.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I really don't have any great interest in those things. I have had anal sex a couple of times and honestly enjoy a nice vagina MUCH more. I love the smell of a woman. Anus smell, not so much... Anal play can be fun though. 

I find facials kind of more of a "porn" thing than something I would want to do in real life. If she wanted it, I would do it, but it wouldn't be a huge turn on. 

I am adventurous and wiling to try new things. Those particular things don't do anything for me though. 

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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Nothing else better to do again than nit pick apart posts you don't agree with. No surprise there.
> 
> And you're a woman only seeing it from a woman's perspective. That's 50%......
> 
> You're telling me, a HD adventurous guy, that those fun spicy things we all aren't into, conservative, quiet sexually boring and we'd rather view porn than have fun sex often with our ladies? No.


That is not what I said AT ALL. I said men can be into sexually adventurous things and NOT want to do SPECIFIC acts. I never once said that men would "rather view porn than have fun sex often with [their wives]". Not once, CB. In fact... this may come as a shock... but, *gasp* not every man looks at porn, either! Even men who, you guessed it, love sex.

Yes, I respond from the point of view of a woman. A woman who knows her husband and his habits, what he likes and doesn't like. And I know for FACT that he has no interest in those things, and FACTtgat he doesn't look at porn, and hasn't in the 18 years we have been together. My husband knows I post here. I tell him about these topics and *gasp* his responses mirror mine, but from the mouth/fingertips of a man. So that shoots your theory out of the water. 

Not to mention the other men on this thread who have said, essentially, the same thing I have. And each of those men have, at various points on the forum, stated how much they enjoy sex, and are adventurous. So... Another point against your theory. 

Now, UC posted in the thread that she Pm'd me. I read it, and replied. You are incorrect in your assumption about his drive. It is for her to decide if/when she wishes to share the reason for her mistrust. But, it has absolutely nothing to do with his drive. @UnicornCupcake, I think @browser and I both touched on the problem, and you really should address it. 



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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

browser said:


> He said he's not into it and yet you're confident that he is.
> 
> Why such a lack of trust in his honesty?
> 
> ...


It could go further than lack of trust of his honesty. It might just be that the OP does not accept her husband for who he is and wants to make him into the man that she really wants.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

If the woman I was with got off on that stuff and asked me to do it for her, I would. I would do it to satisfy her kink, because that is what a generous lover does. But I don't crave any of that stuff myself. I like cumming inside my partner, because it makes me feel like I've planted my flag so to speak. Now, I do like it when a woman gives me a BJ and swallows. That's pretty hot.... but again, I don't require it.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> It could go further than lack of trust of his honesty. It might just be that the OP does not accept her husband for who he is and wants to make him into the man that she really wants.


I hope this isn't subconsciously what I'm doing, I really do.

TBH, the main reason I married him is because he's simple. I don't expect much excitement, but the trade off is he's very reliable and a fantastic provider. His expectations out of life are easy.

I had my share of intense relationships and they were fun, but as someone planning to have a child I value consistency over intensity. I didn't want to be a sex slave or victim of my emotions from a dramatic relationship, but it still nags at me sometimes that his inner man's man wants to come out and play... 
My nagging thoughts actually affect other areas in our life, not just sex. Right now, he's visiting his dad and I can't help but wonder why the **** he does this every Sunday while I visit my mom. In my case, my mother and I cook, play games, I help her with things around the house, we have shared interests, etc., but him and his father will literally sit there in silence. I wonder, is he that simple? Is that his version of quality time? I can't stand visiting his family because I get bored to tears, but he seems to enjoy it. He always has. He's been consistent, but these nagging thoughts... Is that actually what he's doing or is this when he texts other women? Makes plan for a different life? 

I think this is one of those things in which I'm OK with the "deal" 99% of the time, but there are times in which I have regrets, issues, desires, etc.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

You need to believe what your husband tells you. Not all men are into the same things as not all woman are in to the same thing. What you see in porn is not the "bible" of what men expect woman to be or act like. Any man or woman that looks to porn for ideas or a base as which to judge the sexual relationship he/she has with his/her partner is denying themselves and their partner the intense intimacy and bonding experince that you get by creating a healthy sex life, and exploring each other's like's and dislikes while mapping each other's body to find what gives each other pleasure. You can't recreate porn, but you can make your own. 

My husband does not like idea of giving a facial. He want to cum inside me and has no desire to cum on my face or anywhere else on my body. He has told me that he find it degrading to woman and the he loves me and respects me as his wife and mother of his children. Even if I wanted him to do that I don't think he could as it's not the kind of man he is. I respect that and frankly feel blessed to have a man that views me in such a positive light.

If your husband is a decent guy that loves you are you really going to make this a big issue? At the end of the day why does it matter what you might think men in general want, it only matters what your husband wants. Trust me this is not an issue you want to push, I wanted my husband to be more verbal and aggresive in bed, but after useless arguing I have reliazed that i can't force him to be something he is not comfortable being or doing and frankly the way he is that maybe prevents him from being that way are the very things I fell in love with him to begin with.

Don't pressure your husband about these things cause you think he's lying to you and really wants them, cause he is probably telling you the truth. If these are things you really want than you have to decide if he cant give them to you Is it worth breaking up your marriage, but be careful before making hasty decision. Wishing you all the best.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
> 
> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> ...


My husband and I have a great marriage and great sex life but neither has any interest in anal sex or the other things you mentioned. I cant see what the attraction is, cant think of much worse than a penis being put there, what with the pain and the mess, when there is a great place perfectly designed for the penis already. 

Dont assume that all men want those things, they dont. Its so sad that you are even thinking he may be cheating because of this:frown2:
He is a normal man with his own likes and dislikes, whats wrong with that?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UnicornCupcake said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > It could go further than lack of trust of his honesty. It might just be that the OP does not accept her husband for who he is and wants to make him into the man that she really wants.
> ...


It does sound like you are trying to make him into someone that you want him to be.

And you flat out do not trust him. Why is that? Have you found evidence of him texting other women? 

And it sounds like sexually the two of you are not compatible.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Daisy12 said:


> You need to believe what your husband tells you. Not all men are into the same things as not all woman are in to the same thing. What you see in porn is not the "bible" of what men expect woman to be or act like. Any man or woman that looks to porn for ideas or a base as which to judge the sexual relationship he/she has with his/her partner is denying themselves and their partner the intense intimacy and bonding experince that you get by creating a healthy sex life, and exploring each other's like's and dislikes while mapping each other's body to find what gives each other pleasure. You can't recreate porn, but you can make your own.
> 
> My husband does not like idea of giving a facial. He want to cum inside me and has no desire to cum on my face or anywhere else on my body. He has told me that he find it degrading to woman and the he loves me and respects me as his wife and mother of his children. Even if I wanted him to do that I don't think he could as it's not the kind of man he is. I respect that and frankly feel blessed to have a man that views me in such a positive light.
> 
> ...


You sound as if you have a good husband who loves and respects you. I have one of them as well, its awesome. He never looks at porn for the same reason, out of love and respect for me. 
I honestly think that the prolific use of porn today gives people such unrealistic and wrong and skewed ideas of what men and women like and of what a normal healthy relationship looks like.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I hope this isn't subconsciously what I'm doing, I really do.
> 
> TBH, the main reason I married him is because he's simple. I don't expect much excitement, but the trade off is he's very reliable and a fantastic provider. His expectations out of life are easy.
> 
> ...


You do realise that the time he spends with his Dad is also giving him a break from you.Just saying.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

I actually haven't found any evidence. Or real suspicions of cheating. I don't quite know where this paranoia is coming from. Boredom, perhaps? I just find our every day live so mundane right now. I'd never cheat because I pride myself on willpower and not being impulsive in this area or any other area, but if I'm this bored I imagine he is, too. He's not as... Tough as I am when it comes to restraint (finances, bad habits, etc.) so I guess I just think he'll go do what men do. I'm just worried as a man, he'll act on his boredom. TBH, I have little faith in men as a gender concerning cheating. I guess I just expect it will eventually happen to me and I'm just wondering if these circumstances are a good breeding ground for it. Maybe I should read stories about women cheating to balance out my thinking because I know it occurs with both genders.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> You do realise that the time he spends with his Dad is also giving him a break from you.Just saying.


Absolutely and it infuriates me he'd rather sit and smoke with a depressed old man in utter silence while they play games on their phones than spend time with his wife. It makes me bitter and unlikable. It actually makes me not want to be around him and is a big reason we are apart every Sunday. We used to trade off, but now I'd rather he go do what he wants to do.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> My husband and I have a great marriage and great sex life but neither has any interest in anal sex or the other things you mentioned. I cant see what the attraction is, cant think of much worse than a penis being put there, what with the pain and the mess, when there is a great place perfectly designed for the penis already.


So you don't suck on him either, I guess.

Ignorance is bliss.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

CuddleBug said:


> The reason I say he is more LD, is because if he was HD adventurous, he would be into those things and usually in the mood and with you. I am HD adventurous and those activities and more do interest me, were as my wife is like your hubby.
> 
> There has to be a reason why he isn't into you.
> 
> ...


Not all men like those things, there is nothing wrong with them. You seem to be assuming that all men are the same as you. We have a great sex life, we dont need to do those things to enjoy it. My husband says that anal sex is a real turn off, and I agree with him.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

browser said:


> So you don't suck on him either, I guess.
> 
> Ignorance is bliss.


This is what I'm terrified of..

"I don't need to have my **** sucked, darling.."

*Pays for it*


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I don't think he IS LD. IF I could check his porn history (although he insists he doesn't watch it) I'm confident he'd search the stuff I'm talking about.
> I feel like he does want to... I Just don't believe a 30 year old man doesn't... It's like he doesn't want to do it with me..
> 
> He IS a pretty low key. conservative almost boring individual, though. He always has been. It's starting to become an issue NOW and I don't know why...


No many men dont like those things, you are making so many wrong assumptions about men and about what you FEEL he must like and want. Just accept him as he is, that's the man you married. He sounds like a good man, don't let yourself become discontent by what porn makes you believe.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> This is what I'm terrified of..
> 
> "I don't need to have my **** sucked, darling.."
> 
> *Pays for it*


OK ...the 't' word that we are not allowed to mention is on the tip of my tongue. Are you having a giraffe?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I actually haven't found any evidence. Or real suspicions of cheating. *I don't quite know where this paranoia is coming from.* Boredom, perhaps? I just find our every day live so mundane right now. I'd never cheat because I pride myself on willpower and not being impulsive in this area or any other area, but if I'm this bored I imagine he is, too. He's not as... Tough as I am when it comes to restraint (finances, bad habits, etc.) so I guess *I just think he'll go do what men do. I'm just worried as a man, he'll act on his boredom. TBH, I have little faith in men as a gender concerning cheating. I guess I just expect it will eventually happen to me* and I'm just wondering if these circumstances are a good breeding ground for it. Maybe I should read stories about women cheating to balance out my thinking because I know it occurs with both genders.


UC, you do know why you are paranoid. And the rest of the part in bold actually hints at it. You are making assumptions about him, based on past experiences. You are assuming that he is bored with you, based on OTHER men's actions in the past. What we, most if us anyway, are trying to tell you, is that your husband is not all those other men you have known. Not all men behave as they did. Their actions, as well as their words, cloud your judgment of your husband. You have known men who cheated on their wives, and claimed they had good marriages. But, you can't see that not all men are like that. And, I'm sorry, but if their marriages were great, they wouldn't have cheated. Even if the marriages are not great, many men CHOOSE not to cheat. This is why we keep telling you that you really can't BASE your husband's preferences and choices on that of "all men". 

Even with ALL the disagreements between @CuddleBug and myself, the one thing that stood out to me, in all his lamenting about his wife's sex drive, is that he has not sought action elsewhere. That is one thing I actually DO like about CB! (See, CB? I can be agreeable. 😛)

You are basing your mistrust of your husband, and what you think he really does and does not want, on the actions of men you have known in the past. Don't you see how destructive that is to your marriage?? PLEASE, tell him all of it. And, please, get into counselling for this. You cannot build a marriage up when you do not trust your spouse. 

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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I actually haven't found any evidence. Or real suspicions of cheating. I don't quite know where this paranoia is coming from. Boredom, perhaps? I just find our every day live so mundane right now. I'd never cheat because I pride myself on willpower and not being impulsive in this area or any other area, but if I'm this bored I imagine he is, too. He's not as... Tough as I am when it comes to restraint (finances, bad habits, etc.) so I guess I just think he'll go do what men do. I'm just worried as a man, he'll act on his boredom. TBH, I have little faith in men as a gender concerning cheating. I guess I just expect it will eventually happen to me and I'm just wondering if these circumstances are a good breeding ground for it. Maybe I should read stories about women cheating to balance out my thinking because I know it occurs with both genders.


These days, women cheat at about the same rate that men cheat. Keep in mind that for a man to cheat, there has to be a woman involved with him. Sure some of those women are single. But a good number are married.

How often do you and your husband have sex?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Absolutely and it infuriates me he'd rather sit and smoke with a depressed old man in utter silence while they play games on their phones than spend time with his wife. It makes me bitter and unlikable. It actually makes me not want to be around him and is a big reason we are apart every Sunday. We used to trade off, but now I'd rather he go do what he wants to do.


How many hours a week do you and your husband spend together?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Absolutely and it infuriates me he'd rather sit and smoke with a depressed old man in utter silence while they play games on their phones than spend time with his wife. It makes me bitter and unlikable. It actually makes me not want to be around him and is a big reason we are apart every Sunday. We used to trade off, but now I'd rather he go do what he wants to do.


But... You spend that time with your mom, doing things you two enjoy, right? Sometimes, just sitting in silence is enough for some people. I know it can be infuriating, when you are one who wants to *do* something. I can't even count how many times I have just sat in my dad's van with him, in silence. He was reading, I was playing a game. We had to wait for my son to get out of band practice those days, so there was a purpose. But even when he has come to my house, he will watch TV without meaningful conversation. The important thing is spending time together, even if not what others feel is meaningful. 

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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> How many hours a week do you and your husband spend together?


We have sex about 2-3x/week.
We actually spend a lot of time together. I'm starting to think it's too much and we're enjoying each other less because it's the same damn thing.
We play soccer together once/week, we go on mini vacations every 3 months (out of town stays, shows, etc.). The only days we're apart is Sundays, but we spend the morning cleaning together.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid and making something out of nothing. Maybe I need to spend time with other people maybe we both do


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> This is what I'm terrified of..
> 
> "I don't need to have my **** sucked, darling.."
> 
> *Pays for it*


And this is the problem. You think he wants things, even though he says he doesn't, and will pay for them rather than do them with you. This is you, not him, UC. 

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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Maricha75 said:


> But... You spend that time with your mom, doing thibgs you two enjoy, right? Sometimes, just sitting in silence is enough for some people. I know it can be infuriating, when you are one who wants to *do* something. I can't even count how many times I have just sat in my dad's van with him, in silence. He was reading, I was playing a game. We had to wait for my son to get out of band practice those days, so there was a purpose. But even when he has come to my house, he will watch TV without meaningful conversation. The important thing is spending time together, even if not what others feel is meaningful.
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk


I do need to accept that some people enjoy a different type of company than I do. I'm TRYING, I just don't... get it. It's like choosing tofu when you can have steak. Sitting there in ****ign silence. Do they have nothing better to do? Nothing exciting going on in their lives to talk about? Are they that co dependent that they need each other to physically be there? I just see too many negative things in this type of dynamic. I couldn't do what you and your dad do... I'd probably walk the ground and wait for my kid. I'd feel like a completel blob just sitting there.


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## Good Guy (Apr 26, 2016)

Anal is not something I have ever wanted to do. Don't like the idea of it at a all. Facials and cum shots ( aren't they kind of the same thing ?) Yes please!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I do need to accept that some people enjoy a different type of company than I do. I'm TRYING, I just don't... get it. It's like choosing tofu when you can have steak. Sitting there in ****ign silence. Do they have nothing better to do? Nothing exciting going on in their lives to talk about? Are they that co dependent that they need each other to physically be there? I just see too many negative things in this type of dynamic. I couldn't do what you and your dad do... I'd probably walk the ground and wait for my kid. I'd feel like a completel blob just sitting there.


It is not co-dependency that would cause them to just need each other to physically be there. 

Ok, so it is you who could not just sit there quietly. But that is you. Why do you have such a hard time accepting your husband for who he is? 

It sounds like you just don't like a lot of things about your husband. Do you tell him that you feel this way about him?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I do need to accept that some people enjoy a different type of company than I do. I'm TRYING, I just don't... get it. It's like choosing tofu when you can have steak. Sitting there in ****ign silence. Do they have nothing better to do? Nothing exciting going on in their lives to talk about? Are they that co dependent that they need each other to physically be there? I just see too many negative things in this type of dynamic. I couldn't do what you and your dad do... I'd probably walk the ground and wait for my kid. I'd feel like a completel blob just sitting there.


Sitting with his dad for a few hours a week doesn't make him/them codependent lol. As for my dad and me, both have physical limitations, so walking the grounds would not be possible. Walking on uneven ground, lime at the high school, is a no go for dad. Now, this wasn't how we spent EVERY day/evening of matching band practice. Sometimes, we would do a little shopping. But we talk nearly everyday, whether on the phone or just texting/messaging. So a couple hours of virtually no talking isn't bad for us. 

Oh, and your example of tofu vs steak? Lol I would choose the tofu. I prefer vegetarian options over meat. 😂

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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

This thread has moved quickly. To the original question, different people like different things, and it isn't that some are more "extreme" than others, just different tastes.

I don't like facials, my wife is neutral on that. I do like anal, and when its not uncomfortable my wife really enjoys it, but we very rarely do it anymore. I like to finish in her mouth, don't care if she swallows, but she recently told me she thought that was disgusting and degrading and will never do it again. I'd be fine with spanking either, way, but she isn't. She occasionally finds in fun to tie me up. 

As long as a couple can settle on things that they both enjoy, its all good. If one really wants something the other is unwilling to do, then there are problems that need to be worked out.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

CuddleBug said:


> Maybe we should swap spouses?:grin2:


I normally like your posts, until reading this. Ugh. 

I hope my fiance never tells another woman this, someday.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> I normally like your posts, until reading this. Ugh.
> 
> I hope my fiance never tells another woman this, someday.




And you know I was joking, right? My silly grin.....

I haven't swapped my wife for another in 17+ years, why now?:smile2:


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Guys, in sum, I think I'm just being a butt head. A whiny, entitled, bored butt head who's looking for problems because things aren't 100% the way I (and I stress the I - not us) want them.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Only tried anal once with old GF but wasn't successful (this was in a night when we went all over her house having sex). Wife has always refused anal (of course, she's ND, but that's another story). 

Once early in our relationship wife was giving me a HJ and I shot it all over her chest. That would never happen today as she'd be grossed out.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

A couple of things here that you need to know. Men (not all, of course) like quiet, and quality time can mean just being there. My teen daughters cannot comprehend this. If we are driving, sometimes I just want to sit and think and just enjoy being there with them. No words need to be said. But, if there is quiet for even 5 minutes, I'm accused of being "too quiet" or "grumpy". I'll be asked what I'm thinking about or why I'm being so quiet. I'm just enjoying being there! 

If he and his dad are similar, then they both enjoy it. There's no need to yap it up. As someone who's dad and mom are both dead, believe me when I applaud your husband for doing this with his dad. Same for you and your parents. 

I realize it's kind of a cheesy sitcom, but watch the tv show called "The Middle" sometime. Mike Heck has a way of summing this up so nicely sometimes. I relate to him so well! 

Okay, on to issue #2. You often hear of women being attracted to "bad boys" and doing kinky things, but they marry the safe guys who they aren't really as attracted to. I really get that vibe from you. It's like you settled for your husband but you yearn for more. It's a perfect storm for cheating. You said earlier you would never cheat, but I worry you really are setting yourself up for it. 

Here's what I would recommend... Actually TALK to your husband. Tell him you worry your sex life is becoming too predictable and that you want it to be fun for both of you. Ask him to tell you his fantasies. Don't judge him for them. And, don't assume that his fantasy is somethong he would want to act on. If he says he has a fantasy of you having sex with other men, don't take that as him wanting you to have sex with other men. It's just fantasy. Ask him if there are things he would like to try. Here are some ideas to start:

Sexual massages
Light bondage
Mutual masturbation 
Sex toys (for both of you) 
Anal play (fingers or toys) 
Edging
Blindfolds
Sex in public
Role playing
Etc.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.


That can happen over time, which is why it's refreshing to mix things up and sometimes do other things.

Have you specifically shared with your husband, that you've started to find the sex a bit stale and boring?



UnicornCupcake said:


> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.


Unfortunately he may genuinely not be interested in such activities. That said I don't think you should feel you are unattractive and undesirable as consequence of the rejection.



UnicornCupcake said:


> I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?


Plenty don't, not all men are alike just as not all women are alike.

I think you would do well to realise that his reticence probably has nothing specifically to do with you at all.



UnicornCupcake said:


> After months of playfully telling him to stick it in my ass we had a few failed (but fun attempts) at anal. I don't detest it, but I need to be drunk for it to be enjoyable and successful. I'm not saying I need to be drunk to have sex with my husband. No. But when I'm all done up and we've had a night out I tend to be in the mood more and I think that's a fair assessment for most women.


IF you want to go into the ins and outs of how to do this well, I am happy to share.

That said as someone who is quite experienced at this with different woman, I encourage you to do this while sober and without numbing creams. Simply because you are better off having immediate feedback if something hurts back there.



UnicornCupcake said:


> I hope we're not experiencing that Madonna/***** complex in which the thought of cuming on my face turns him off, but on some twentysomething it's appealing because I'm his wife and she's of no importance. Maybe that's a stretch, I don't know... His response and lack of interest just doesn't seem normal. I don't think he's cheating, but I think he's just a man... And men want these things, don't they?


Since some relate that they would happily do this to someone they don't love, yet would not share this with those they do, You might be experiencing that.



UnicornCupcake said:


> Do any of you NOT like to do these things? If so, why?


That's not me.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> From a guy who tried all of the above I would never ask my gf to try a facial,I've done it with past gfs but not it's not something I want to do with someone special to me.As for anal,lube is your friend in this situation.


I've been doing such things for 28 years with most of my sexual partners, and have always done such things with those I considered special.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Vinnydee said:


> Some men enjoy those things and many women do not. It is kind of degrading to cum on a girls face like a porn actress who is paid to accept it.


Most of my sexual partners have happily accepted frequent cum facials.

Personally I feel it is a great thing to share with a woman who I like and or love.

The only women who I have been with that I didn't do (try) this with, were one night or not even one night stands. Or women who the sex on a first through fourth date, didn't seem to mutually work out well.

That said (according to her) my wife has never felt degraded when I cum on her face, which is something I have enjoyed with her quite frequently through close to 21 years.

As an alternative to receiving a facial, my wife will take it in her mouth and then slowly drool it out onto her breasts and then play with it. Or she will swallow virtually all of it and then just let a little bit out of her mouth. Much less frequently I will cum on her breasts or just get the hair on her head. Otherwise I cum in her vagina or backdoor, at the end of the day variety works for us.



Vinnydee said:


> I never had a desire to cum on a girl's face.


My having a desire to do that, stems from experiences with my first sexual partner. Where she drooled it out onto her chin after I would cum in her mouth. Or sometimes when I pulled out to finish in her mouth I sometimes got her face first. So from when I was 17, it became something that I liked doing.

That said from experience, I do enjoy marking the women that I am with.



Vinnydee said:


> I was doing anal 40 years ago before porn stars did it.


Anal sex isn't a new thing, and has featured in some pre twentieth century pornography. Likewise I started doing anal sex when I was 17, yet I hadn't seen it in pornography until a few years after that. Just like I was doing facials a few years before I also saw it in porn.

Some people do stumble upon this sort of thing without any help from pornography.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> If your so doesn't mind facials then try this.It is a bit rude.
> If you are taking her from behind just as you are about to shoot pull out and spit on her back,when she turns around give it to her in the face.
> Then run.


Well my significant other is fine with facials, to the point that she sometimes generously leaves it on her face so I can grab a camera and get a few pictures of her so glazed.

Yet I can't imagine why I would bother trying what you suggest. Considering the fact that spitting isn't my thing and I think spitting on the back sounds a bit dull. Plus there's no point running when she's up for it anyway.

I often take my wife from behind in the backdoor and will then pull out and give her a facial.

Or having done this so often I let go a bit in her back door, and give her the rest on her face so she get's it at both ends. The only issue with that is sometimes I won't get to her face in time.

Having sex with someone, spitting on them, and then immediately running away sounds more degrading than giving your partner a generous glazing.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> Were are more ladies like yourself???


In my experience, they're all over the place. You would pass many like that on your way to and from work and out shopping etc.



CuddleBug said:


> I wish Mrs.CuddleBug was into those things and more adventurous sex, but she is conservative LD. Basically, like your hubby.


Have you ever told your wife directly and without ambiguity, that you want to give her cum facials and have anal sex with her?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> He IS a pretty low key. conservative almost boring individual, though. He always has been. It's starting to become an issue NOW and I don't know why...


If you choose someone like that, you're likely to get someone who is low key, conservative and almost boring.

The pornography a person might enjoy, may not correlate with what they want to do.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> Disagree. You are a woman with a woman's view, and not a man's view.
> 
> I am giving a man's view on this.
> 
> ...


Well I'm a man, and despite the fact my sexual proclivities don't concur with @Maricha75, I agree with what she is saying.

Unlike you I have many years of doing all of that and much more with different women, yet I understand that one can have a high drive sexually, yet not want to do facials, anal sex and or enjoy the same.

There are also plenty of men and women who may want to try such things, yet in practice find that they're not into it at all. This is also supported by some of the men in this discussion, who have related that despite having done these things, they're not into it at all.

Until you try it for yourself, how can you be certain you will actually enjoy the experience as well?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

jsmart said:


> I know that some woman get off on being humiliated or being roughly taken but to most men, who love their wives, we don't enjoy abusing our woman. I love my wife and wouldn't want to shoot on her face. To me, I'd feel like I'm disrespecting her.


I love my wife and don't abuse her at all, yet I do enjoy cumming on her face and don't feel I am disrespecting her at all.

As to the fear of being considered sick, in my experience I've found there's lots of positive mileage in being very direct and upfront about such things.



jsmart said:


> Anal is a different story. Taking her anally is extremely hot to me. There are many men who want to do more adventurous things with their wife but fear that not only will they be turned down but that their wife will think they're sick. I'd bet the majority of men fall in this category.


Is that the category of fearing to disclose such sexual interest, or of having a desire for such interests?



jsmart said:


> Of course there are also men that sincerely don't want to try anal or have their wife swallow. If your husband is one of these men, you may need to curb your desire for these act by eliminating movies, books, or friends that are planting these desires in your mind. Continuing to plant these desires, will lead you to another man's bed to fulfill those desire. So if you don't want to find yourself become a wayward, watch what you allow into your mind.


I agree that there are some men who don't want to go there. Yet don't agree with the recommendation of suppressing ones sexual desires.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Daisy12 said:


> You need to believe what your husband tells you. Not all men are into the same things as not all woman are in to the same thing.


Yep.



Daisy12 said:


> What you see in porn is not the "bible" of what men expect woman to be or act like. Any man or woman that looks to porn for ideas or a base as which to judge the sexual relationship he/she has with his/her partner is denying themselves and their partner the intense intimacy and bonding experince that you get by creating a healthy sex life, and exploring each other's like's and dislikes while mapping each other's body to find what gives each other pleasure. You can't recreate porn, but you can make your own.


Pornography doesn't always drive such practices at all. I was doing such things and more, long before I knew such things featured in pornography.

In the modern era when it comes to human sexual practices, there's nothing new under the sun.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I cant see what the attraction is, cant think of much worse than a penis being put there, what with the pain and the mess, when there is a great place perfectly designed for the penis already.


My wife has been doing this for circa two decades, due to a good diet and appropriate techniques pain and mess have never been an issue at all.



Diana7 said:


> Dont assume that all men want those things, they dont.


I concur.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I actually haven't found any evidence. Or real suspicions of cheating. I don't quite know where this paranoia is coming from. Boredom, perhaps? I just find our every day live so mundane right now.


He may not be bored at all.

Depending upon one's own sexual proclivities, fortunately or unfortunately some men and some women really do prefer a limited menu.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Absolutely and it infuriates me he'd rather sit and smoke with a depressed old man in utter silence while they play games on their phones than spend time with his wife. It makes me bitter and unlikable. It actually makes me not want to be around him and is a big reason we are apart every Sunday. We used to trade off, but now I'd rather he go do what he wants to do.


That being the case with all of the rest, how long are you prepared to carry on with this incompatibility sans resolution?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Sitting with his dad for a few hours a week doesn't make him/them codependent lol. As for my dad and me, both have physical limitations, so walking the grounds would not be possible. Walking on uneven ground, lime at the high school, is a no go for dad. Now, this wasn't how we spent EVERY day/evening of matching band practice. Sometimes, we would do a little shopping. But we talk nearly everyday, whether on the phone or just texting/messaging. So a couple hours of virtually no talking isn't bad for us.
> 
> Oh, and your example of tofu vs steak? Lol I would choose the tofu. I prefer vegetarian options over meat. 😂


And I would take the stake over tofu any time. I like tofu well enough. But a good steak beats tofu, IMHO. The point being that different people like different things. And that's ok. It's even good that we all like different things. More steak for me... more tofu for Maricha >


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UnicornCupcake, 

What in your life are you finding boring besides your sex life?


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

Some guys don't like it with their wife...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> My wife has been doing this for circa two decades, due to a good diet and appropriate techniques pain and mess have never been an issue at all.
> 
> 
> 
> I concur.


We eat a very good diet, and yes there would be pain. The muscles are for expelling waste, they are going the wrong way and in some people can be damaged which gives them many horrible issues later in life. Its simply not designed for anything being inserted.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Absolutely and it infuriates me he'd rather sit and smoke with a depressed old man in utter silence while they play games on their phones than spend time with his wife. It makes me bitter and unlikable. It actually makes me not want to be around him and is a big reason we are apart every Sunday. We used to trade off, but now I'd rather he go do what he wants to do.


So its ok for you to go and see you mum but not ok for him to see his dad?Honestly you have a good man, stop being discontent and be thankful you have a man who is so easy to please and so respectful of you. 
Loads of men dont like those things, neither of my husbands have, I have no idea why you think they do.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> We eat a very good diet, and yes there would be pain. The muscles are for expelling waste, they are going the wrong way and in some people can be damaged which gives them many horrible issues later in life. Its simply not designed for anything being inserted.


Since it is evolved, of course it isn't designed.

As to pain my wife says anal sex doesn't hurt. Just like it doesn't hurt me, whenever my wife gives me a prostate massage during oral sex.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Personal said:


> Since it is evolved, of course it isn't designed.


I'm one who actually agrees with Diana on this, regarding evolved vs designed. But that has nothing to do with the discussion of the topic at hand. This part is about personal beliefs, so just be careful how you respond to things of that nature. 😉



> As to pain my wife says anal sex doesn't hurt. Just like it doesn't hurt me, whenever my wife gives me a prostate massage during oral sex.


Now, as for pain... You both say there is no pain during either of those acts. However, I am fairly confident that, if your wife told you that it DOES hurt at some point, you would no longer do it. Whether designed or evolved makes no difference in this discussion. You and your wife are in agreement on this, and that is the only thing that matters. There have been multiple women on TAM who enjoyed anal sex and then one day, it started to hurt. So, it CAN happen. And, in a loving relationship, I think it is easy to express those things without fear of angering your partner. 

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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> Now, as for pain... You both say there is no pain during either of those acts. However, I am fairly confident that, if your wife told you that it DOES hurt at some point, you would no longer do it. Whether designed or evolved makes no difference in this discussion. You and your wife are in agreement on this, and that is the only thing that matters. There have been multiple women on TAM who enjoyed anal sex and then one day, it started to hurt. So, it CAN happen. And, in a loving relationship, I think it is easy to express those things without fear of angering your partner.


Pain is normally a great indicator, that one should avoid whatever is causing it.

Which is why I encourage people to remain sober and avoid the use of numbing creams while having anal sex.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
> 
> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?


I'm just wondering why you are putting so much energy into going after things that you "don't mind too much" or need to be drunk to enjoy. Shouldn't spicing up your sex life be about doing things you love to do? Especially since it seems like you're the one who is bored/unhappy?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> We eat a very good diet, and yes there would be pain. The muscles are for expelling waste, they are going the wrong way and in some people can be damaged which gives them many horrible issues later in life. Its simply not designed for anything being inserted.


 @Diana7

There are millions of gay men and heterosexual couples who enjoy anal sex on a regular basis who would correctly refute yet another of your many ignorant statements that is based on nothing more than what you think sounds about right.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Personal said:


> Since it is evolved, of course it isn't designed.
> 
> As to pain my wife says anal sex doesn't hurt. Just like it doesn't hurt me, whenever my wife gives me a prostate massage during oral sex.


Having had several very small pessaries inserted in the past which DID hurt I have to disagree. 
Its for the expelling of waste, we have a vagina for sex. Your wife may well have issues in the future with leakage etc, many do.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@UnicornCupcake. Re various sex acts and porn - porn is a visual stimulation source and many things can stimulate a man that they are completely uninterested in doing. For example, there is a huge amount of cuckolding porn out there, yet I suspect there are far fewer actual (knowing) cuckolds. There are other aspects to open than the act - for example, the female dominance of cuckolding might be intriguing... similarly femdom is a big thing and again - what might be interesting might also be of no interest irl.

Anal sex is another thing that has really exploded online - I'm old enough to have seen this as a small porn fetish decades ago become mainstream porn (versus mainstream real life). I think it has to do to a certain degree with taboo, but again -as it grows more common the taboo qualities diminish. Huge member porn is big too (pun intended) but it isn't quite so fun IRL for many / most women.

So I admit weird, unusual, extreme porn can be exciting but not on the real menu.

Personally I'd feel weird shooting onto my W's face unless we were role playing and she was begging for it or something. So the setting would have to be the turn on - the act - meh. Re anal - I "threaten" her with that in a playful why when she's pushing me back in a playful way - because there are 100 things I'd rather do and 1000000 things she'd rather do.

Re: guys sitting there.... years ago I went to a friend's cabin / house on a river. The women all stayed in and played a game and smoked while my friend and I fished at night. My w hated the smoking and games and kept begging me to join us fishing. So we let her. Afterword she was astonished -"you guys just sat there! You didn't even talk!". We didn't notice - we were just 2 guys enjoying each other and fishing on a boat. She assumed it was a cluck-fest. So don't assume sitting around isn't fun for a guy.

Finally - maybe watch porn with him -start with lighter porn and nothing too harsh or dirty (given how you've described H). Then ease into what you like and maybe SHOW him it turns you on by a little rubbing / moaning. I think the key with this guy is to avoid pressure and avoid being too forward. You'll need to bring him along so he feels like he's driving this. You're yelling "put it in" might be too aggressive for him 


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

People do lots of sexual things that their bodies were not [designed / evolved] for. People's bodies were "designed" for intercourse, probably on all fours. While that's fun, it turns out that people like variety so they invented new positions, use of hands, mouths, sex toys etc etc. Its not clear why a lot of people find receptive anal sex to be pleasurable but many do. 

As will all sexual activities, people who don't like it shouldn't do it. People who do can enjoy without any damage as long as they are careful. 

I really haven't heard any significant problems with anal sex if it is done carefully. I'm sure that in the case of force / rape there could be long term damage but that isn't what we are talking about. 

I'm absolutely not saying you should try it if it doesn't sound appealing, just that its OK for people who do want it. 



Diana7 said:


> We eat a very good diet, and yes there would be pain. The muscles are for expelling waste, they are going the wrong way and in some people can be damaged which gives them many horrible issues later in life. Its simply not designed for anything being inserted.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
> 
> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> ...


I personally am not into giving facials much prefer to finish inside, anal is something I really enjoy giving but I have friends who think it is gross and would never consider it. All just personal preference not a reflection on you.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> I always thought men liked to do these things and I'm a little paranoid that he DOES want to do these things, just not wit me. I mean, how many men DON'T want to give a money shot now and then? What is it about me that makes the idea of these things so unappealing?
> 
> ...


I have no interest in anal.

I wouldn't object to giving a facial if requested, but I'd rather finish in her mouth.

I've never understood the porn "money shots" in which a guy having sex with an attractive woman climaxes by handling the situation himself. 

They have to show that the male had an orgasm and it's a lot more obvious if he does it on her face than in her mouth.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Well, this had been a head scratching thread. Basically men are designed to cheat when they get bored, want anal sex, and can't wait for the chance to blast their SO in the face like a firehose at a 5 alarm fire :scratchhead:

I see nothing intriguing about facials (whether me giving or in particular would just shut off the porn instead of watching).

Had anal sex before, rather stick with the V. I have no issues though with people who do enjoy

The rest of the thread I don't quite understand. The OP doesn't like the way her H spends his time with his father b/c it is not how she spends the time with her mother


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> UnicornCupcake,
> 
> What in your life are you finding boring besides your sex life?


 @EleGirl I'm going to go out on a limb and speculate that she would much rather eat an exciting and elegant rare-cooked filet, instead of the same fast food tofu sandwich day after day. 










or


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

badsanta said:


> @EleGirl I'm going to go out on a limb and speculate that she would much rather eat an exciting and elegant rare-cooked filet, instead of the same fast food tofu sandwich day after day.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You can get a fast food tofu sandwich??? Where?? Sign me up!

Oh, and it is a lot more complicated than that.



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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> Oh, and it is a lot more complicated than that.


I'm trying to hold back further comments until we get to the point where she finds her husband's secret porn collection/history and she gets confused and can't make any sense out of the stuff he watches, mostly because it is really boring!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ok. If Mrs. C wanted to try anal, I carefully would but I don't have an interest myself.

Same with the other activities.

I love blasting off while firmly embedded in her flesh.

We are actually working on her getting better at BJ's and when she gets me to completion, I want to get her to take me in her mouth.

Blasting off outside of her isn't as erotic, fun or feel as good.

If you think it would be fun, your H should give it a go.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Having had several very small pessaries inserted in the past which DID hurt I have to disagree.


Disagree all you like, yet that doesn't change the fact that anal sex doesn't hurt my wife who has enjoyed doing it for over 20 years.



Diana7 said:


> Its for the expelling of waste, we have a vagina for sex.


Just as you use your body as you like, my wife uses her body as she likes.



Diana7 said:


> Your wife may well have issues in the future with leakage etc, many do.


Sure she might have issues, on the other hand like many others she also might not.

Yet she chooses to have anal sex.

Since my wife is an accomplished and well read 46 year old bilingual career woman, with multiple tertiary qualifications including a STEM degree. That is also a mother of two teenage children. I figure she's grown up enough, to decide for herself how she uses her body, especially since she is cognisant of the risks inherent in all of her sexual practices.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

badsanta said:


> I'm trying to hold back further comments until we get to the point where she finds her husband's secret porn collection/history and she gets confused and can't make any sense out of the stuff he watches, mostly because it is really boring!


I'm hoping she just tells the whole truth, considering none of us knows her irl, and she can remain anonymous, but I don't think she will. She is basing her thoughts on what her husband does/does not/will/may do on the actions of men in her past. She thinks he is just like the "good men" who still decided to pay someone else for things they didn't do with their wives (see her post a page or two back about that fear). This isn't about what he does and does not want/like. It is about HER fears, and I truly believe she should get counseling for it. The board cannot help her with this, especially when leaving out pertinent information. 🙁

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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Men and women like and don't like doing those things. For men, a faciasl are a visual thing... like porn. Some may do it for dominance, some may just like the look of their seed. How about if a woman wants to pee on her husband's face? Is that dominance? Likely, but not always. It always depends on the dynamics of the people involved.

There is likely not a legal sex act I haven't done or tried. Okay, there are some I can think of that I have no interest doing.
My wife is actually disappointed that I don't and have yet to give her a facial. 

I've been rougher (always consenting) on other women - before and after meeting my wife.
It took me a while before I would flog my wife, easier to let a good friend of mine do it. But it is something we both have enjoyed. 
I haven't used my floggers or other toys on my wife in over a year (Affair issues a year ago, been back together for 9 months. We are not against doing or other kinks - but we simply haven't) - but she could use a good spanking.

For men who have sex with prostitutes - they are VERY rough on them. I'm guessing the HIGH dollar ones won't allow such abuse - these are the $10K~20K weekend ones.

So why? Because as our wife - you are more than just a sex toy. Having children can also wreck havoc on some mens and women's minds. "You are the mother of my children" simply rings true.

Time to make use of some lube... my wife deserves it.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> I'm hoping she just tells the whole truth, considering none of us knows her url, and she can remain anonymous, but I don't think she will. She is basing her thoughts on what her husband does/does not/will/may do on the actions of men in her past. She thinks he is just like the "good men" who still decided to pay someone else for things they didn't do with their wives (see her post a page or two back about that fear). This isn't about what he does and does not want/like. It is about HER fears, and I truly believe she should get counseling for it. The board cannot help her with this, especially when leaving out pertinent information. 🙁


Ouch! 

I think this comment will be relevant for the OP to read and will not sidetrack this thread, but I do sometimes wonder how much of the "wild/crazy" sex that happens in the world is driven and motivated out of some kind of fear? Then when the fear subsides, so does the wild/crazy sex! For the men that actually enjoyed things being wild/crazy, they then think that they did something wrong for it to stop, not realizing that they were just being "good men" and instilling confidence/safety in the relationship. And THEN these men turn to paying for it because they are hurt that it stopped with their wives and need it to try and feel loved again. 

As messed up as that sounds, I can so see that playing out in many relationships. 

The OP should be happy her husband is just simple and easy to please. Even if that is a little boring at times.

Badsanta


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

badsanta said:


> @EleGirl I'm going to go out on a limb and speculate that she would much rather eat an exciting and elegant rare-cooked filet, instead of the same fast food tofu sandwich day after day.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This is pretty accurate. I have a tight ass body and I work super hard to keep it that way. One of the ways I've kept myself in check is by raising my standards of food choice. I'm also a wanna-be chef. I love cooking.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

This thread turned into a **** show.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> This is pretty accurate. I have a tight ass body and I work super hard to keep it that way. One of the ways I've kept myself in check is by raising my standards of food choice. I'm also a wanna-be chef. I love cooking.


Are you saying that if you gained 50 pounds that your husband would no longer be interested in you? 

My wife's weight has varied a great deal since we married, and it has never changed the way I view her. Now I know some men complain about weight, but keep in mind that the empty can rattles the loudest! From how you describe your husband, he does not rattle at all. Perhaps you want to appreciate that!

Ask him if you gained 50 to 100 pounds if he would find you unattractive? Perhaps he may even enjoy a few extra curves. 

Yes it is important to eat healthy and take good care of yourself, but that process should be an enjoyable one and not one where you punish yourself. So enjoy a nice steak! 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> This thread turned into a **** show.


No seriously, people want to help! 

Why are you so afraid men will just "pay for it" unless they are getting everything and then some at home? Can we talk about that?


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I don't count myself in the camp that likes degradation. Come shots occasionally, on her breasts or butt. Anal is way too painful for her. Facials I consider to be degrading to her, I put it in the same league as golden showers.

However, that does not mean that we do not get freaky. One of the current favorites is doing it in every room of our house, plus our deck and our hot tub. (PS, its winter around here-I had to buy an air matress, I was getting rug-burn and splinters). Another thing, I like a drink now and then, however, we live in Canada, and cannabis is now available in stores in our city. (Standing in line waiting to buy two quarters, I noted that nearly every customer was in the 40-70 year old range-no kids) My wife likes a firecracker (That is a joint that has a line of resin down the centre). She also likes to smoke mostly indica as it is a body high that intensifies orgasm. Third, as far as acts go, I am flexible and I like to be upright, while she reclines, while I am in her, I suck on her toes, while thumbing her clit with one hand and stroking her breasts with the other. That generally does a few tricks. (The wife is very multiple orgasmic, and a squirter).

Do yourself a favor and buy "Joy of Sex", get some lubes and a few toys. (I just got a vibrating ****-ring-fun city)

Spice it up by using your fingers on him. A little anal stimulation can make one come like a wildcat. Suck nipples, ask if he wants to try pegging. (You get the strap-on) Ask him what his kinks are. My wife likes anal stimulation without penetration, so I took up rimming...nothing like her coming from a tongue lashing in the butt. Tell him NOTHING embarrasses you.

I asked, here is a partial list: Wants to take our cruise, booked a balcony so we can **** on the high seas, outdoors as the ocean passes by. We go to the lover's lane we used when we were teenagers with a blanket and scare the animals away. We have been watched while doing this-dogging, but had little inclination to watch others-not into voyeurism. We had a rooftop suite in Paris, a helicopter hovered over us for a while. (You wanna watch a couple of sixty-somethings go at it, no probs-on second thought, my wife does not look 62, real hot and still has a fabulous rack)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

UnicornCupcake said:


> This thread turned into a **** show.


From what you have stated, you believe that all men want these sort of sexual acts and will use prostitutes if their wives will not do these things.

With these beliefs you seem to think that:


All men are the same, all cheat and all want those things that you list. I guess you think that all men use prostitutes.

All men who say that they don't enjoy those things are lying because you know that this is what all men want. So you apparently think that all the men here on TAM who said that they are not interested in those things are lying.

That any woman who believes her husband when he says that he does not want those things is stupid/delusional/whatever.

You also seem to not be open to anything that contradicts your beliefs.

So what is it that you think anyone here on TAM can help you with?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> So what is it that you think anyone here on TAM can help you with?


I think she was looking for men to unanimously to say that anyone that does not like facials, anal and cum shots has serious problems and needs to have their heads examined, because if most men are not getting it or do not want it at home they will go out and just pay for it. This would validate her frustrations and she could justify herself getting upset with her husband. 

Otherwise she will have a tough time realizing that she has been and continues to objectify all men including her husband as sex objects with no self control.

It may be interesting for this thread to point out that just because you see something in porn all the time does not mean it is real. I actually spent some time researching the internet for how the industry produces a good many facials and cum shots. Anyone can read about some of the props used for cum shots here Fake cum and cum shot device

This just goes to show that even the men that get paid to do facials and cum shots sometimes have to use some props because for whatever reason they just can't do it in real life for the camera!

Badsanta


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

@UnicornCupcake 

You need to lay off the porn.... seriously. 

Go for a walk outside once in a while.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

badsanta said:


> No seriously, people want to help!
> 
> Why are you so afraid men will just "pay for it" unless they are getting everything and then some at home? Can we talk about that?


Yep, some men will pay for it if they don't get everything and then some, yet I doubt most would.

As someone who gets all of that and then some, not getting all of that in the past. Hasn't seen me seek it elsewhere, whether paid (something I have never done or have been inclined to do) or otherwise.

Although I frequently enjoy such things, I happily chose to stay in one monogamous sexual relationship for close to a year sans any anal sex. If I didn't end that relationship for reasons unrelated to sex, it is possible I might still be with that woman today with no complaints regarding sex.

At the end of the day, it is a fools errand to think that we all share identical sexual likes and dislikes.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Occasionally, my wife and I have taken interactive sex questionnaires. If one is truthful,
there is a great benefit. It gets certain kinks that you may be hesitant to suggest, out into the open. We used Mojo Upgrade, and I discovered she was somewhat interested in a certain act that we were not, at the time practicing. We have since incorporated that act.


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## mr man (Jun 30, 2014)

Do you swallow? If so, maybe that's why he won't give you a face shot. What man wouldn't want to finish in a mouth. Anal? Not all men care for it some actually think it's disgusting. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I am have male genitalia and I do not enjoy any of the acts listed in the thread title.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I had anal with my wife a few times, for novelty. Neither of us enjoyed it.

Facials, never even thought of it. What's the point? What was that other thing? coitus interruptus? Utterly worthless idea.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

MrH and I both feel facials are a degrading act. Anal is something we do partake in though. 

All people are different, it is surprising that people still question this. Your husband is the only man that should be important.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I have finished on my wife before, but never the face. I would only ever do that if she specifically asked me to, and only then, rarely.

The times I've finished on her, it's been during mutual masturbation sessions only.

I've never done it after having PIV for one reason, and one reason only - the orgasm is 100x better when it's PIV or oral. Her (or my) hand just isn't the same. That said, she definitely doesn't mind when I have done it, but she's also never asked for it, either. I can tell you, however, that it's easier for her to clean up, and I actually think it's preferable for her after she's just showered. She's said as much, yet I stress that she's never asked me to do it, even in the heat of the moment. Like most women, she prefers the feeling of me finishing inside, and the afterglow and all that. Suddenly pulling out is rarely preferable, I don't think. We're not teenagers paranoid about getting pregnant.

As for oral, I don't think she'd be against me finishing on her (perhaps even the face, I actually don't know!) but she knows when I'm close, and she works that much harder. Again, like most women, I believe she enjoys the feeling of finishing me off and being responsible for my orgasm.

Here's the thing - if my wife/girlfriend/partner was into this, and specifically wanted me to, I would. It's not that I'm into this type of thing (see above), but what I AM into is pleasing my partner. If this was something she required from me, I'd be happy to oblige. But again, not every single time, for the sole reason I mentioned above.

Same with anal sex. I'm fine with it, but it's not a requirement of mine. My wife and I have done it, and she's capable of orgasming from it. But for me, it's not the same, and the sensations I receive from it aren't up to par.

If she required it as part of her sex life, I would oblige her.

Here's what I think may be going through your husband's mind: he's not convinced this isn't for his benefit only. Sounds weird, I know. But unfortunately (fortunately?) many women will do things they don't really want to do for their partners sake, and otherwise fake interest in it. I mean, that's not a terrible thing on the outset, but it happens. It can be a bit of a mind**** trying to decipher whether your partner really wants you to finish on her face, or stick it in her butt, or if she's just trying to be something she's not.

When my wife and I started dating, she was extremely vocal during sex. "**** me" "**** me harder" and the like. Totally hot at the beginning. But after several months, it was repetitive. I knew when she'd start talking, and even what she'd say. It really didn't seem spontaneous or 'in the moment'. I approached it gently after some time, and didn't insinuate so much that she was faking the dirty talk, but that it wasn't necessary. I straight up told her it was hot, but only if it was genuine. She's rarely done it since, and I honestly don't think it's because I made her self conscious about it. I truly believe it was something she was throwing in there because she thought I (or all men) like that kind of thing. She's not wrong of course, but really only when it's genuine and in the moment. If she had mixed it up a bit, or not always said the same things, I wouldn't have suspected it wasn't "her", but she showed her hand after a while :smile2:

In any case, perhaps your husband isn't totally convinced you genuinely want him to do these things to you. I suppose that's his loss (provided he actually wants to), but nonetheless.



UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
> 
> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> ...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I'm also a wanna-be chef. I love cooking.


 @UnicornCupcake does your husband appreciate your cooking? Instead of spicing things up in the bedroom, perhaps your efforts would be more rewarding to spice things up in the kitchen. As the old saying goes, the way to a man's heart is through is stomach. 

Regarding your fear that if men are not satisfied at home that they will just go and seek it elsewhere, I will agree with you that there are certain types of men (some that no one would suspect) that are capable of betraying their marriages. I don't think that it is exactly an issue of "not being satisfied" but much more about these men fearing the _vulnerability_ needed in order to feel complete in the relationship. 

Perhaps your husband has a boring personality, meanwhile you have a growing fear that there is just more about him that he is unwilling to share with you. Obviously you don't have a boring personality, so what exactly happens when you share some of the more dramatic parts of your past/personality with him? Does his lack of drama and simplistic personality feel like something that grounds you and helps bring stability into your life?

...much like your choice to eat very healthy foods, you have also chosen a very healthy husband to help you be mindful of taking care of yourself. But yet you struggle to understand why he would not at least have an urge to enjoy things that would not be healthy...

Badsanta


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

badsanta said:


> @UnicornCupcake does your husband appreciate your cooking? Instead of spicing things up in the bedroom, perhaps your efforts would be more rewarding to spice things up in the kitchen. As the old saying goes, the way to a man's heart is through is stomach.


Especially as we get older. 

"Sex or a ham and cheese sandwich"..hmm..the choice gets more difficult with each and every passing decade.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

browser said:


> "Sex or a ham and cheese sandwich"..hmm..the choice gets more difficult with each and every passing decade.


Indeed, but so far we're still able to rephrase that as, "Sex, and then a ham and cheese sandwich." Must keep up our energy in case there's a round two.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

browser said:


> "Sex or a ham and cheese sandwich"..hmm..the choice gets more difficult with each and every passing decade.


Here is what gets me going! And, NO, my wife and I can NOT make this at home. We both ascend like blood thirsty vampires on our favorite Japanese restaurant together after dusk and feast on tempura rolls and some other roll that is insane and crazy just for something different! 










WHAT IS THIS? SOMETHING SQUID!










...but then when we get home from our feast, we lay in bed in a rather vanilla hug and moan of pleasure as our bellies make gurgling noises.

Badsanta


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

badsanta said:


> ...but then when we get home from our feast, we lay in bed in a rather vanilla hug and moan of pleasure as our bellies make gurgling noises.
> 
> Badsanta


Followed by the inevitable stench as the intestines and bowels release their gaseous contents which destroys the mood for sex if it was even there in the first place.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

browser said:


> Followed by the inevitable stench as the intestines and bowels release their gaseous contents which destroys the mood for sex if it was even there in the first place.


That only happens with Pizza and Mexican foods. Sushi does NOT have the same bulk and oily content, so we usually just pass out after enjoying a really good meal together. Nothing more.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

badsanta said:


> Ouch!
> 
> I think this comment will be relevant for the OP to read and will not sidetrack this thread, but I do sometimes wonder *how much of the "wild/crazy" sex that happens in the world is driven and motivated out of some kind of fear?* Then when the fear subsides, so does the wild/crazy sex! For the men that actually enjoyed things being wild/crazy, they then think that they did something wrong for it to stop, not realizing that they were just being "good men" and instilling confidence/safety in the relationship. And THEN these men turn to paying for it because they are hurt that it stopped with their wives and need it to try and feel loved again.
> 
> ...


Actually if you read David Schnarch he kind of says the exact opposite. He promotes that we each grow and get in touch with our really inner person in an integrated way (self differentiation). He also promotes self-soothing. This is the part of banishing or working through one's fear of doing certain interactions with one's spouse. Finally there is negotiation between you and your spouse to find a happy compromise that you both can live with.

In his books he talks about "sex acts" that some feel are disgusting (for you wild and crazy hot), and then explains how people can "self-sooth" and perform those things in the process of them changing who they are to meet some negotiated and mutually agreed upon common ground with their spouse.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

Maybe late coming to the party but felt a need to answer anyway.

facials - nope, no thanks not even a little interested. To me its just really disrespectful to the person your with. It doesn't feel any better than finishing elsewhere and being a pig doesn't turn me on. Its what I expect somebody to do to a hooker when he really wants to make her feel like trash and I simply have to much respect for all women to ever do that.

Anal - I would love to try this but my wife is 100% against it so even if she relented to trying it I wouldn't be able to do it knowing it is against her wishes. Sex is something that should be mutually enjoyable and If I even suspect that my partner doesn't enjoy what I'm doing that would be enough to make me not want to do it. The OP eludes to the fact that to try anal she needs to have a few drinks into her and she can tolerate it. I applaud her efforts in trying new things I wish my wife was as adventurous but still, the last thing I want is for my wife to have to "endure" sex with me. I want her to enjoy it not endure it.

lastly, cum shots - I'm not even sure what this means. I cum every time I have sex as I'm sure pretty much every man does. so I'm not sure what this even means.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

bankshot1993 said:


> facials - nope, no thanks not even a little interested. To me its just really disrespectful to the person your with. It doesn't feel any better than finishing elsewhere and being a pig doesn't turn me on. Its what I expect somebody to do to a hooker when he really wants to make her feel like trash and I simply have to much respect for all women to ever do that.


It's more of a symbolic degradation and power/control/dominance thing. No one gets hurt and in contrast to what you say, having done it countless times I can say with authority that it does in fact feel better than finishing elsewhere and sometimes being a disgusting dominating pig and shooting a big messy load all over your woman's face while she's in a submissive position feels really good. 

Probably goes back to when we were apemen and would beat them with clubs and drag them back to our caves.

As an aside, I am going to recommend to any man who has not yet done it but is interested in trying it, not to wait too long. 

When you're young and virile with an active prostate, well that's one thing. But when you're approaching 60, and you say "Here you go baby open that mouth daddy's got a present for you" and then it just sort of dribbles out, the effect is lost.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

My two cents:

Facial's: Not my thing, but in my youth "pearl necklaces" (sometimes just below the throat) and "breast jobs" were pretty hot and not uncommon among the women I dated. I imagine this is just a generational thing, so to each their own.

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/z/zz+top/pearl+necklace_20149104.html

Anal: I would love to try it, but my wife has made it clear that it is never going to happen. So again, to each their own. An alternative, I would love to try with my wife, that she hasn't verbally said NO to (but facial expressions have said "no,you pervert"), is an anal Fleshlight held by her between her thighs while she is on all fours. 

Cumshots: I would agree with others that I am not a fan of "coitus interruptus," but as I said earlier "pearl necklaces" in my youth were pretty hot and seem pretty similar. Again, while not my thing, I would imagine a foot fetish-couple might have its own version of cumshots.

The point of this is that each of these three porn-emphasized acts has alternatives that are not that out of the norm and might be within reach of many couples.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> An alternative, I would love to try with my wife, an anal Fleshlight held by her between her thighs while she is on all fours.


Ok that's weird.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Used to give my ex-GF a pearl necklace when it was that time of month - have to admit that it was hot. She was also rather nicely endowed, which certainly helped.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

@Young at Heart 
I don't think its weird - in fact I think it's a very interesting idea. I love the way sex toys can be used creatively.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

peacem said:


> @Young at Heart
> I don't think its weird - in fact I think it's a very interesting idea. I love the way sex toys can be used creatively.


I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude. But I picture the wife bending over with a Fleshlight jammed between her thighs (with anal attachment engaged) and her husband screwing it and I sort of giggle.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

What's the difference between a cum shot and a facial? Sorry I must be new here...
My wife sometimes "begs" for a facial (or I sometimes "threaten" her with it) but almost every time, I chicken out at the last moment and..."divert" so the neighbours almost always get it instead...
At the time of orgasm I suddenly come to my senses how disgusting it must be having it all over your face.
I always promise to be more disciplined next time.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

bankshot1993 said:


> Maybe late coming to the party but felt a need to answer anyway.
> 
> facials - nope, no thanks not even a little interested. To me its just really disrespectful to the person your with. It doesn't feel any better than finishing elsewhere and being a pig doesn't turn me on. Its what I expect somebody to do to a hooker when he really wants to make her feel like trash and I simply have to much respect for all women to ever do that.


But how is something disrespectful if they _want_ you to do it? Ask you, beg even?

Look, I get it. I think I'd have a hard time doing it, too (the first time). But if my partner seriously, honestly, actually wanted me to do it, I'd get over that pretty quick.

Instead, I think you'd feel any woman who wanted you to do this would be disrespecting herself, and you wouldn't be able to take that. But here we have a woman (the OP), as well as at least one other I think, who either have no problem with this act, or who genuinely WANT it as part of their sex life.

What you're really saying is that you don't want any woman who would want this sort of thing - NOT that you wouldn't do it because it's disrespectful to women.

What's disrespectful is just doing something like this. Or doing it when you know they don't like it. There's literally nothing disrespectful two people can do with each other if they've communicated about it beforehand and there's consent.

I learned years ago that, although my wife will happily give oral as fore- or after play (not standalone, though!), she is not happy at all if I move myself into position, if you catch my drift. That move doesn't fly with her, despite it never having been an issue with any other woman I've been with (though this certainly made me re-think that...)

"Disrespectful" is up to both people, not just one. If it's not something you want to do, even if your partner is willing - that's totally fine. But don't sugar coat your unwillingness to engage in something like this as you being a white knight, or a gentleman. It's about you, not about your partner.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I am afraid she is ripe for the picking. Some slick talking good lòoking guy is bound to cross her path. 

Their always the first one to say i would never cheat
Bored with mr vanallia
Keep in shape and works hard by keeping a strict diet
Suspicious of her husband because he don't want to give her a facial


Its like seeing a train wreck about to happen. Sorry not trying to be a richard but just calling it like i see it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> What's the difference between a cum shot and a facial? Sorry I must be new here...


I presume cum shot in this context is probably a reference to visibly ejaculating in places other than on the face.



inmyprime said:


> My wife sometimes "begs" for a facial (or I sometimes "threaten" her with it) but almost every time, I chicken out at the last moment and..."divert" so the neighbours almost always get it instead...
> At the time of orgasm I suddenly come to my senses how disgusting it must be having it all over your face.
> I always promise to be more disciplined next time.


Since she asks for it I think it's a shame you don't frequently give her what she wants.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I have never had any desire to do a "money shot." That's just something they do in porn.

Anal is a take it or leave it type of thing; I suppose I would do it if my partner really wanted but it's not something I really want or need.

Don't be paranoid about, if anything it means your husband is not a porn addict (or likes a different kind?).


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Personal said:


> Since she asks for it I think it's a shame you don't frequently give her what she wants.


True. Very embarrassing as a woman to ask for something like this and be turned down. It really kills the moment and can be damaging to one's confidence.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

Am surprised by how many not me, no thanks responses. For me Hell yea - I find it totally hot and erotic. My first wife got off on it also because of how it affected me/my response.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For a lot of people there is an eroticism of control and dominance. Not sure why, but its something a lot of people enjoy. Whether its cm shots, or women face sitting men, spanking etc, the recipient often enjoys what is in some ways a degrading action. 

All good fun if everyone enjoys




Keke24 said:


> True. Very embarrassing as a woman to ask for something like this and be turned down. It really kills the moment and can be damaging to one's confidence.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

@UnicornCupcake please revisit this thread and provide us an update or some further insight on your situation? 

Some further feedback and/or insight that you may find helpful is that men that stray from their marriages because the think "very highly" of their wives do so out of fear. It is a fear of loosing one's wife if a man makes himself known for his true sexual desires for which he may feel he is undeserving or that those desires are inappropriate. Therefor he will choose someone that he does not care about loosing in order to just be himself. 

It is actually very common for men to fear loosing a partner, so they then try and become someone that they feel their partner wants them to be in order to protect the relationship. Meanwhile they stop being true to themselves and this can manifest itself as hidden infidelity. It is a form of lies begetting lies. 

Does your husband hide things from you? Does he apologize for himself a lot when he is around you? Or is he a person that is rather set in his ways and does not apologize for just being himself around you, even if you get upset for him not being interested in anal, cum shots, and facials?

Badsanta


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

browser said:


> I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude. But I picture the wife bending over with a Fleshlight jammed between her thighs (with anal attachment engaged) and her husband screwing it and I sort of giggle.


No offense taken. I am glad you giggled.

The Sex Therapist that helped save/rebuild my marriage with my wife and me, taught us that sex should be fun, playful and involve giggling and even laughing sometimes. That each act should not be expected to be perfect, as that could set up performance anxiety. As they say to get good at something you need to practice at it.

People get to have hard boundaries on what they do with their own bodies. We all need to accept that. Still there are ways to try to playfully dance close to those boundaries and respect our partner.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Personal said:


> I presume cum shot in this context is probably a reference to visibly ejaculating in places other than on the face.
> 
> 
> 
> Since she asks for it I think it's a shame you don't frequently give her what she wants.




As opposed to 'invisibly' ejaculating? I must try that cloak 

Well I don't know if she really means it or if she is saying it for my benefit. Afterwards I ask her if she really means it and she actually wants the cum all over face...she says that she wouldn't mind. Which doesn't sound like she's especially enthusiastic. I dunno. Maybe I'll practice aiming better next time. It could have happened when she's in charge of the direction, if you know what I mean, but since it hasn't, I'm still not 100% sure she means it...Women often don't say what they really think and vice versa...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> As opposed to 'invisibly' ejaculating? I must try that cloak
> 
> Well I don't know if she really means it or if she is saying it for my benefit. Afterwards I ask her if she really means it and she actually wants the cum all over face...she says that she wouldn't mind. Which doesn't sound like she's especially enthusiastic. I dunno. Maybe I'll practice aiming better next time. It could have happened when she's in charge of the direction, if you know what I mean, but since it hasn't, I'm still not 100% sure she means it...Women often don't say what they really think and vice versa...
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Her reaction when you do it will give you a pretty good idea. And if she asks again after that time, even better.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> True. Very embarrassing as a woman to ask for something like this and be turned down. It really kills the moment and can be damaging to one's confidence.




That's not how it happens....I don't think I described it very well...
There is definitely no feelings of being turned down at all. It does land on her, partially (neck, cheek or chin etc). I just don't do it like in porn movies and hose her down because if it gets in her eyes it'll probably sting or if it goes in the nose she might choke... I have seen girls asking to come in their mouths only then gagging and throwing up all over the guy. I am not saying this will happen, just that if she IS doing it for my benefit, I'm quite happy to come the way I come without choking her...
But point taken. I guess I just put myself in her shoes and cannot get myself to do it the way they do it in porn.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Afterwards I ask her if she really means it and she actually wants the cum all over face...she says that she wouldn't mind. Which doesn't sound like she's especially enthusiastic. I dunno.


She could be saying that to save face after the fact.

Or she could be saying that because she doesn't really know 100% how much she will enjoy it since you haven't yet indulged her.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Also most of the time I simply let her know when I'm close and most of the time she's able to direct it where she wants it to go...It's just strange that the drop off after orgasm is so quick for guys that my rational mind kicks in already at the time of ejaculation. I think women's orgasms are different and the drop off happens much more gradually. I think my orgasms finish already at the time of ejaculation (but I must admit I never timed it).


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> That's not how it happens....I don't think I described it very well...
> There is definitely no feelings of being turned down at all. It does land on her, partially (neck, cheek or chin etc). I just don't do it like in porn movies and hose her down because if it gets in her eyes it'll probably sting or if it goes in the nose she might choke... I have seen girls asking to come in their mouths only then gagging and throwing up all over the guy. I am not saying this will happen, just that if she IS doing it for my benefit, I'm quite happy to come the way I come without choking her...
> But point taken. I guess I just put myself in her shoes and cannot get myself to do it the way they do it in porn.
> 
> ...


LOL so you have indulged her somewhat. 

Just bust it out, she asked for it! She's a big girl, she can close her eyes and tilt her chin so it doesn't get up in there. It doesn't have to be perfect.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Also most of the time I simply let her know when I'm close and most of the time she's able to direct it where she wants it to go...It's just strange that the drop off after orgasm is so quick for guys that my rational mind kicks in already at the time of ejaculation. I think women's orgasms are different and the drop off happens much more gradually. I think my orgasms finish already at the time of ejaculation (but I must admit I never timed it).
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Really? Why did I think it was the opposite?? 
_
I think my orgasms finish already at the time of ejaculation _

Is that how it's always been?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> She could be saying that to save face after the fact.
> 
> 
> 
> Or she could be saying that because she doesn't really know 100% how much she will enjoy it since you haven't yet indulged her.




Haha, save face...yes, maybe I try to save her face too much...
Ok I guess it's something I need to find out. 
But isn't the whole idea (degradation by covering your loved one with cum) based on the premise that the female gets off on the fact that it's the male who is supposed to enjoy the domination?
If that is not a 'requirement' for me post orgasm anymore, then who is supposed to enjoy what? (Our cleaner washing the towels perhaps).
I noticed for example that she'd remove herself quickly from my face after I come because she's worried I might not like it anymore. The whole covering in cum scene might be setting itself up for a very awkward moment if I fully follow through...
Are there actually women who enjoy being covered in come, regardless of whether it turns the partner on in that moment?

Our relationship is past the 'embarrassment' stage like that so I'm pretty certain no one is hurt either way...


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
> 
> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> ...



I've always wondered how common those activities were. Certainly if you watch p**n, they're common. In my adult life, I've been single for 24 years....being no Romeo, I tended to have long-ish relationships - a year would be short. So, not a large number of women to compare.

Exactly ONE of them showed interest in anal...she encouraged me, wanted me to do this and that. I participated once...and just didn't like it. I think it's a mental/emotional thing for me - the waste disposal part of the body just doesn't seem like a place to be doing something that stems from a drive to create life. Plus it was pretty disgusting to clean up afterward.

I have no qualms about oral-giving and receiving, toys, etc...even tried mild bondage once. My particular preferences are simply trying lots of positions, all of which are PIV..but if she has a desire for other stuff, I'm game...except, apparently, for anal.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

alexm said:


> But how is something disrespectful if they _want_ you to do it? Ask you, beg even?
> 
> Look, I get it. I think I'd have a hard time doing it, too (the first time). But if my partner seriously, honestly, actually wanted me to do it, I'd get over that pretty quick.
> 
> ...



These are good points and I guess I will revise what I've said. You see my response was based on my doing it as a point of arousal for myself. In this case no I wouldn't do it because I think it shows a genuine lack of respect for your partner and as one poster eluded to it is sort of a mild degradation used in a sub/dom type of play, I get that.

What I will say is that I'm very open to trying new things and would happily oblige if it were my partner driving that interest. My response was based on the fact that the OP was suggesting the act being done as an effort to turn him on and asking if all men were turned on by this act. So I would be willing to do almost anything in the interest of adventure and experimenting to try to spark some energy in a physical relationship, but it would not be me pursuing this particular act. If the discussion is about degrading or humiliating acts to your partner because that is their turn on or kink, that's a whole different conversation. I would certainly entertain my partners requests (to a limit) at their prompting, as an effort to fulfill their desires and needs but it wouldn't do a lot for me. I don't get off on being disrespectful, but I do get extremely excited at my partners excitement.

I hope this explains my response better.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> LOL so you have indulged her somewhat.
> 
> 
> 
> Just bust it out, she asked for it! She's a big girl, she can close her eyes and tilt her chin so it doesn't get up in there. It doesn't have to be perfect.




I get stressed out if it doesn't flow perfectly as well (like if it gets in her hair etc. It's a ***** to wash out and if she doesn't have time to shower before taking kids to nursery or something...). I know, terribly unsexy, considering how messy things are leading up to the climax. 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> Really? Why did I think it was the opposite??
> 
> _
> 
> ...




I don't know exactly when they finish but the most intense moment is right before ejaculation for me. Some O's are more intense than others and sometimes last longer but generally, drop off happens at time of ejaculation already. Hence why I didn't see the point in hosing her down when it might be of no benefit to anyone...
Maybe it's different with other guys I have no idea.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

But isn't the whole idea (degradation by covering your loved one with cum) based on the premise that the female gets off on the fact that it's the male who is supposed to enjoy the domination?

That is a very good question. I suppose that underlying reason is correct but in my mind it seems a bit more complex than that. Some aspect of me certainly gets satisfaction from the man's enjoyment of being dominant. However, and this is difficult to explain, I too feel a certain sense of control from being submissive. In a way I'm in control because I'm allowing him to dominate me and he would be completely thrown off if I suddenly chose to not be submissive in the moment. There's also a part of me that just loves the taboo nature of things and pushing boundaries.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

No of course I get that - you are in control by letting someone else take control over you temporarily. I just meant that in view of the nature of the quick drop off of the male orgasm, I'm never certain when to revert back to 'normal' again. And not sure my wife does either. That's why I usually do it just before she comes (I think that's how I 'weened' her onto many other things she now enjoys more, like anal). If I do something to her while she comes, eventually she will associate that feeling with orgasm and will want it.
That's my theory anyway  (or does it only work on dogs? 


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> No of course I get that - you are in control by letting someone else take control over you temporarily. I just meant that in view of the nature of the quick drop off of the male orgasm, I'm never certain when to revert back to 'normal' again. And not sure my wife does either. That's why I usually do it just before she comes (I think that's how I 'weened' her onto many other things she now enjoys more, like anal). If I do something to her while she comes, eventually she will associate that feeling with orgasm and will want it.
> That's my theory anyway  (or does it only work on dogs?
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


True. I'm not quite sure one could clarify when to revert to normal. It comes naturally to do so after orgasm I guess.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Keke24 said:


> True. I'm not quite sure one could clarify when to revert to normal. It comes naturally to do so after orgasm I guess.


In all forms of sexual power exchange there should be serious "aftercare" to return both partners to "normal."

For me aftercare is talking to my wife about what happened, about how wonderful she made me feel and how brave and strong she was (praising her, so she feels good about herself and what happened). Finding out if she would want to do it again, and any changes that would make it a better experience for her or me. Cuddling and holding each other while the endorphines race through our bodies and we regain our senses. 

While I am not into this kind of heavy stuff a quick search found a good article on aftercare. I am sure others are more familiar with this concept than I am.

https://thepowerexchange.wordpress.com/dominance/aftercare/

I think that all good sex (even if it doesn't include power exchange) should have some degree of aftercare.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> In all forms of sexual power exchange there should be serious "aftercare" to return both partners to "normal."
> 
> For me aftercare is talking to my wife about what happened, about how wonderful she made me feel and how brave and strong she was (praising her, so she feels good about herself and what happened). Finding out if she would want to do it again, and any changes that would make it a better experience for her or me. Cuddling and holding each other while the endorphines race through our bodies and we regain our senses.
> 
> ...



I think mine is included with my iphone so I let Siri deal with it 
But seriously that's a good point. I do try to discuss stuff with her afterwards. She is the one who is more in rush afterwards (more often than me it seems although she'll probably disagree). Which used to make me feel bit used...It's funny how our roles totally reverse afterwards  I need to stop talking out of my vagina and grow a pair 


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> In all forms of sexual power exchange there should be serious "aftercare" to return both partners to "normal."
> 
> For me aftercare is talking to my wife about what happened, about how wonderful she made me feel and how brave and strong she was (praising her, so she feels good about herself and what happened). Finding out if she would want to do it again, and any changes that would make it a better experience for her or me. Cuddling and holding each other while the endorphines race through our bodies and we regain our senses.
> 
> ...


Makes sense. I wasn't familiar with the terminology (aftercare that is) until TAM but have practiced it on a very sensual/nurturing level when playing the domme role in the past. 

I find that after sex with my partner, I don't care much for the affection, cuddling etc. I'm happy to do it for him but I would be equally happy to just go about my business. Although our sex is pretty rough and kinky it doesn't even compare to what was requested of me in my past domme experience. There was definitely a need for aftercare then, the relatively tame sex with my partner, eh. Nevertheless I expect as I get older, 'aftercare' may become more of a need. It would suck if the reverse happens with my partner then.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> I think that all good sex (even if it doesn't include power exchange) should have some degree of aftercare.


Could not agree more! 

In a long term relationship emotional needs evolve and different things become pleasing for reasons unanticipated. Afterwards feedback on how you are digesting all those emotions as a couple is where the magic happens that helps a couple continue growing closer together as time goes by. 

I have a few strange/quirky kinks that make absolutely no sense to me what so ever! But I enjoy explaining them as best I can to my wife, and we discuss how it makes us feel as a couple to explore and enhance those things. She could easily look at me and say, "that is weird" and make me feel ashamed, but my wife does not do that. We simply talk about it openly and lovingly after each experience during aftercare.

What gets me is that men that go and just "pay for it" so to speak likely have absolutely zero interest in aftercare with temporary partners. Just _wham bam and thank you mam_. Perhaps this emphasizes that these men just don't enjoy anyone being close to them. I have to imagine that intimacy with their wife takes place in the same manner whereas there is really not much connection afterwards since they are unable to "just be themselves" during lovemaking.
@UnicornCupcake what happens in your marriage just after sex? Do you and your husband enjoy very open and sensual conversations about your lovemaking, or do you each withdraw into silence. I have to imagine that if you are offering him anal and he shows no interest that there should be some deep conversations taking place after the two of you connect intimately. If there is not, perhaps that is an area of your lovemaking that you and your husband may wish to take a moment and try to appreciate each other and talk through things in the afterglow of being intimate with one another.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

bankshot1993 said:


> These are good points and I guess I will revise what I've said. You see my response was based on my doing it as a point of arousal for myself. In this case no I wouldn't do it because I think it shows a genuine lack of respect for your partner and as one poster eluded to it is sort of a mild degradation used in a sub/dom type of play, I get that.
> 
> What I will say is that I'm very open to trying new things and would happily oblige if it were my partner driving that interest. My response was based on the fact that the OP was suggesting the act being done as an effort to turn him on and asking if all men were turned on by this act. So I would be willing to do almost anything in the interest of adventure and experimenting to try to spark some energy in a physical relationship, but it would not be me pursuing this particular act. If the discussion is about degrading or humiliating acts to your partner because that is their turn on or kink, that's a whole different conversation. I would certainly entertain my partners requests (to a limit) at their prompting, as an effort to fulfill their desires and needs but it wouldn't do a lot for me. I don't get off on being disrespectful, but I do get extremely excited at my partners excitement.
> 
> I hope this explains my response better.



I knew this is what you meant 

I feel the same way. This is not something I would ever ask for - but I would totally do it if I were asked to. Frankly, there's not a lot I wouldn't do if asked, as long as it's not _really_ weird, or involved pain or poop.

Like most normal people, I get off far better when my partner is right into it. Even more so when they're asking for things, or even telling me to do something specific. This would certainly include facials. I have no real desire to do it, but whatever turns my partner on (within reason) turns me on!


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

badsanta said:


> Afterwards feedback on how you are digesting all those emotions as a couple is where the magic happens that helps a couple continue growing closer together as time goes by.


If that is how a couple grows closer as time goes by, no wonder our sex life has always been awful and has dwindled down to almost nothing. H2 actively refuses to discuss anything sexual before, during or after. Discussion of how a session was for her or how it made her feel is the most forbidden topic of all.

Eventually I gave up on trying to extract information from her. Much easier for me to just assume everything was always awful for her, and leave it at that.


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## napsternova (Mar 10, 2017)

I find it to be a huge turn on when the woman has a desire to try something new. It's very sexy when she's in tune with her body.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> I find that after sex with my partner, I don't care much for the affection, cuddling etc. I'm happy to do it for him but I would be equally happy to just go about my business.



Yep, that's my wife. She totally owns the whole submission thing and is not big on cuddling afterwards. I now begin to wonder who's actually the submissive one I got the whole game the wrong way around.

Need to get myself some of that aftercare..



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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Keke24 said:


> Makes sense. I wasn't familiar with the terminology (aftercare that is) until TAM but have practiced it on a very sensual/nurturing level when playing the domme role in the past.
> 
> I find that after sex with my partner, I don't care much for the affection, cuddling etc. I'm happy to do it for him but I would be equally happy to just go about my business. Although our sex is pretty rough and kinky it doesn't even compare to what was requested of me in my past domme experience. There was definitely a need for aftercare then, the relatively tame sex with my partner, eh. Nevertheless I expect as I get older, 'aftercare' may become more of a need. It would suck if the reverse happens with my partner then.


I dated a girl for a couple of weeks when I was 19 or so, who wanted me to pin her down and choke her with both hands while we were having sex. 

No I'm not kidding. 

You can guess I stopped dating her after that. "Sorry hon, I'm not going to prison for choking you to death just so you can get your kink off..."


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Holdingontoit said:


> If that is how a couple grows closer as time goes by, no wonder our sex life has always been awful and has dwindled down to almost nothing. H2 actively refuses to discuss anything sexual before, during or after. Discussion of how a session was for her or how it made her feel is the most forbidden topic of all.
> 
> Eventually I gave up on trying to extract information from her. Much easier for me to just assume everything was always awful for her, and leave it at that.


A book that really helped me understand myself and my need to be touched was Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight.

I would recommend checking it out of a library. (P.S. I think that the best sex therapist marriage counselors are either trained in the Sue Johnson Emotionally Focused therapy method or the Gottman's method.)

Sue Johnson explains how important (at a very basic primal level) touch is. How it transcends language in communicating love and attachment. 




Even if your wife will not discuss things after sex, she may still enjoy the feeling of touch and attachment as a form of communication after sex. 

Oh, and your spouse probably knows you have given up trying to "extract information" from her and you feel it was "awful." Try pretending otherwise for a while and see what happens. The Sex Therapist who helped save my marriage discussed how basketball players that visualize sinking free-throws improve almost as much as those players that stay extra practicing free throws. Visualization is a very powerful tool in changing your confidence and performance in many activities. The Sex Therapist told us to visualize success in all the various aspects of lovemaking, to visualize it making us connected and happy, and to visualize what a successful marriage entailed 5, 10, 15, 20 years in the future.

Good luck.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> Haha, save face...yes, maybe I try to save her face too much...
> Ok I guess it's something I need to find out.
> But isn't the whole idea (degradation by covering your loved one with cum) based on the premise that the female gets off on the fact that it's the male who is supposed to enjoy the domination?
> If that is not a 'requirement' for me post orgasm anymore, then who is supposed to enjoy what? (Our cleaner washing the towels perhaps).
> ...


My wife is 46 years old with multiple qualifications and two teenage children. Who is employed in a management role in government, doesn't suffer fools easily, and also used to be a Feminist activist. She is also assertive, practical, tends towards leadership and has dumped boyfriends for being too gushy and romantic, needy, insecure, insipid and weak or not up to par sexually.

So I figure if she didn't like cum facials, she would have let me know at some point through almost 21 years. The only thing she isn't a big fan of is letting it completely dry on her face without rubbing it off, so she doesn't let that happen.

As to getting her eye, in all of those years it has only happened once and we wiped it off no big deal (probably because her eyelash saved her). I've also got her in the nose and that just saw her start laughing at how silly and messy sex is, yet we still love it despite that.

My wife has said in the past and recently since we have been discussing this discussion, that she doesn't find it degrading at all.

Likewise for me I don't think I am degrading her either. I love how she looks when she is covered that way, she looks so hot and sexy when like that all flushed from sex, disheveled, glazed and dripping. Plus it feels good that she is happy for me to do that to her. Plus I like that her face and or hair smells like my cum afterwards until she washes her face.

On top of that for example she has no problem with me telling her that I am going to give her a facial. Or how I am going to use her (and I say use) in the evening when I say goodbye to her in the morning.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Keke24 said:


> Makes sense. I wasn't familiar with the terminology (aftercare that is) until TAM but have practiced it on a very sensual/nurturing level when playing the domme role in the past.
> 
> I find that after sex with my partner, I don't care much for the affection, cuddling etc. I'm happy to do it for him but I would be equally happy to just go about my business. Although our sex is pretty rough and kinky it doesn't even compare to what was requested of me in my past domme experience. There was definitely a need for aftercare then, the relatively tame sex with my partner, eh. Nevertheless I expect as I get older, 'aftercare' may become more of a need. It would suck if the reverse happens with my partner then.


My wife and I aren't big on cuddling after sex at all, and don't do a lot of cuddling outside of that either. We share lots of sex flirting and fondling though.

So if we cross paths my wife may grab me and show me a breast or lift her dress to show me she isn't wearing panties. Then I might grab her backside and spread her a little very briefly and then let her go and walk away. We also behave like teenagers. In that we wait till the kids leave the room and I will then grab her sexually or French kiss her, then stop and walk away.

So we do this kind of thing all day when we can and then have sex most days of the week as well, yet just sitting holding each other makes us both want to go and do something else.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

I know this sounds totally stupid (and a little insane) but...is there any possibility that sperm might have some sort of feelings (pain etc)? After making my wife pregnant three times, i lately have nightmares that every time I ejaculate I kill millions of babies. Worse, I kill them in places where it is not ideal to die (my wife's behind, face cheeks, feet etc). I know they need an egg, ideally, but I have seen them under a microscope: they have a head, wiggle around and look relatively distressed, the way they swim around in a group. I don't mean to put a damper on the whole thing, it's just something that occasionally freaks me out. And I know it's irrational but this is as good a place to ask as any...but has anyone else been freaked out by it or is it time to see a therapist...


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

DustyDog said:


> Exactly ONE of them showed interest in anal...she encouraged me, wanted me to do this and that. I participated once...and just didn't like it. I think it's a mental/emotional thing for me - the waste disposal part of the body just doesn't seem like a place to be doing something that stems from a drive to create life. Plus it was pretty disgusting to clean up afterward.


If you are bothered by it, you need to get her clean beforehand (anal douche). I am not bothered by it (it's not that messy, most of the time).

But I think anal might be a little overrated. For the woman, it only feels ok if the guy is not moving too much (otherwise it's uncomfortable). I think it's mostly the taboo side of it. For the guy, it feels good for the first 10 minutes ('cos it's very tight, as if someone is squeezing it hard) but afterwards, the muscles expand too much and the feeling is pretty average. Whereas a vagina "knows" how to mould itself around it and stimulate it. After all, it was "designed" for it (and a couple of other things). 
It's one of the reasons I sometimes feel sorry that gay men miss out on a nice vagina (in its own right). The other place is really not a substitute. Though it can be a nice addition.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> And I know it's irrational but this is as good a place to ask as any...but has anyone else been freaked out by it or is it time to see a therapist...


It's not something that has crossed my mind, that said I doubt you need to see a therapist.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> It's one of the reasons I sometimes feel sorry that gay men miss out on a nice vagina (in its own right).


This caught my attention because statistically speaking about 25% of gay men do not even practice anal sex (according to my brief online research a few moments ago). So even in sexual orientations where anal sex is "thought" to be commonplace and perhaps even practiced in over abundance, a significant portion of this male population do NOT care for anal for whatever reason and are not perusing it!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

badsanta said:


> This caught my attention because statistically speaking about 25% of gay men do not even practice anal sex (according to my brief online research a few moments ago). So even in sexual orientations where anal sex is "thought" to be commonplace and perhaps even practiced in over abundance, a significant portion of this male population do NOT care for anal for whatever reason and are not perusing it!


Now I am even more sorry!
I wonder who carries out that type of research though. Or how.

I must stop being silly :nerd:


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

bandit.45 said:


> I dated a girl for a couple of weeks when I was 19 or so, who wanted me to pin her down and choke her with both hands while we were having sex.
> 
> No I'm not kidding.
> 
> You can guess I stopped dating her after that. "Sorry hon, I'm not going to prison for choking you to death just so you can get your kink off..."


No I would not have guessed that you stopped dating her :grin2:. Not even trying some alternatives? Like choking her with only one hand? Geez that's rough (no pun intended).


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> I know this sounds totally stupid (and a little insane) but...is there any possibility that sperm might have some sort of feelings (pain etc)? After making my wife pregnant three times, i lately have nightmares that every time I ejaculate I kill millions of babies. Worse, I kill them in places where it is not ideal to die (my wife's behind, face cheeks, feet etc). I know they need an egg, ideally, but I have seen them under a microscope: they have a head, wiggle around and look relatively distressed, the way they swim around in a group. I don't mean to put a damper on the whole thing, it's just something that occasionally freaks me out. And I know it's irrational but this is as good a place to ask as any...but has anyone else been freaked out by it or is it time to see a therapist...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Ha! Nightmares? That is pretty serious. That is some wild (and somewhat hilarious, I'm sorry) kind of thinking in general. Who, what, where is this stemming from??


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> Ha! Nightmares? That is pretty serious. That is some wild (and somewhat hilarious, I'm sorry) kind of thinking in general. Who, what, where is this stemming from??


I guess partly from the fact that I saw what my sperm can do (make new humans, who are actual people now! Crazy!) and partly from my obsessions with quantum mechanics theories (many worlds interpretations) which seems to say that reality is like branches of a tree: wherein every possible outcome is realised even if we don't directly experience it. Basically it says that I killed millions of babies (because I could have had them instead, and in some other realities, I did).
That's what happens when you start having children...you become insane


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

_I guess partly from the fact that I saw what my sperm can do (make new humans, who are actual people now! Crazy!) and partly from my obsessions with quantum mechanics theories (many worlds interpretations) which seems to say that reality is like branches of a tree: wherein every possible outcome is realised even if we don't directly experience it. Basically it says that I killed millions of babies (because I could have had them instead, and in some other realities, I did)._

Man, it must be crazy to watch the belly grow and then pop out a whole human that was living in a sac of fluid for its whole life and somehow adjust instantly to being in this space with just air. I wonder what goes through the baby's mind when they first experience light. Baby must get real pissed off! And then the thing starts talking and walking and eating all your food. 

_That's what happens when you start having children...you become insane _

lmao. My parents had 6, I always thought they were nutcases for letting that happen. Crazy!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Keke24 said:


> _I guess partly from the fact that I saw what my sperm can do (make new humans, who are actual people now! Crazy!) and partly from my obsessions with quantum mechanics theories (many worlds interpretations) which seems to say that reality is like branches of a tree: wherein every possible outcome is realised even if we don't directly experience it. Basically it says that I killed millions of babies (because I could have had them instead, and in some other realities, I did)._
> 
> Man, it must be crazy to watch the belly grow and then pop out a whole human that was living in a sac of fluid for its whole life and somehow adjust instantly to being in this space with just air. I wonder what goes through the baby's mind when they first experience light. Baby must get real pissed off! And then the thing starts talking and walking and eating all your food.
> 
> ...


6 wow. That is a handful. How did your mother managed. Still. 3 more sperms saved than I managed...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> I guess partly from the fact that I saw what my sperm can do (make new humans, who are actual people now! Crazy!) and partly from my obsessions with quantum mechanics theories (many worlds interpretations) which seems to say that reality is like branches of a tree: wherein every possible outcome is realised even if we don't directly experience it. Basically it says that I killed millions of babies (because I could have had them instead, and in some other realities, I did).
> That's what happens when you start having children...you become insane


They are not potential babies unless they join with an egg.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Personal said:


> My wife has said in the past and recently since we have been discussing this discussion, that she doesn't find it degrading at all.
> 
> Likewise for me I don't think I am degrading her either. I love how she looks when she is covered that way, she looks so hot and sexy when like that all flushed from sex, disheveled, glazed and dripping. Plus it feels good that she is happy for me to do that to her. Plus I like that her face and or hair smells like my cum afterwards until she washes her face.
> 
> On top of that for example she has no problem with me telling her that I am going to give her a facial. Or how I am going to use her (and I say use) in the evening when I say goodbye to her in the morning.


Awesome.

This is what I was getting at in my earlier post. If it's not degrading to the person, then it's not degrading, period. The power lies within the person themselves. In this case, your wife.

There was a thread here a while ago about BJ's, and one particular female poster (who is no longer here, I believe) went on and on (and on) about how they were SO degrading to women, particularly the symbolism of getting down on one's knees, etc. Needless to say, nobody really agreed with this, and the thread devolved into chaos.

It doesn't mean that all women should give oral sex, or receive facials - not at all. If they don't want to, that's their prerogative. But anything can be degrading if you want it to be, or allow it to be. I'm pretty sure I've heard somebody here say that doggy style sex is degrading as well.

That said, sex has historically been somewhat one-sided for men. Men have learned to be better lovers, and women have learned to harness the power they have (which has historically been stripped from them) and together it's bridging this gap.

I can only speak from my own experiences, but if my wife understood the power she'd have if she gave me BJ's... :grin2: But from her POV, it's an entirely male-centric act. The fact that I don't get standalone BJ's isn't what irks me about it all, I'll survive. It's that there's a certain lack of trust in me which causes her not to give them, and that's the only reason. Giving them to me as part of sex as a whole is totally fine, and even seems to turn her on. Standalone, no way. Because in her mind, there's a certain level of inequality there, which is understandable, but also, IMO, not actually correct.

To each their own. But in a consensual, solid relationship, nothing is degrading unless you allow it to be (or want it to be, but that's a whole other thread).


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

alexm said:


> Awesome.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




That's a little unusual. What happens if you finish her with oral first? Sure she doesn't leave you 'hanging' so to speak? Or 69?
Maybe she's freaked out by sperm and perhaps is scared that she is expected to swallow it or do something unusual with it. Have you discussed why she won't do it?

The word "degrading" seems to carry a lot of baggage with it. It doesn't necessarily need to be a negative, in sexual context. A bit like classifying spanking as domestic abuse.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> They are not potential babies unless they join with an egg.




What exactly are they then? And why do they 'think' as a group? (All swimming one way).

I know they are not babies, but there is still 'potential' that they will become one once they find an egg!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

inmyprime said:


> What exactly are they then? And why do they 'think' as a group? (All swimming one way).
> 
> I know they are not babies, but there is still 'potential' that they will become one once they find an egg!
> 
> ...


Since there are about 250 million sperm per ejaculation, at best one will find an egg. It often takes a hundred instances of intercourse for a sperm to meet an egg. So perhaps 25 trillion sperm die in the quest for one to find an egg - assuming no birth control is used. Lots of failed potential! Since they're not sentient or aware, I don't think they care.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

alexm said:


> The fact that I don't get standalone BJ's isn't what irks me about it all, I'll survive. *It's that there's a certain lack of trust in me which causes her not to give them, and that's the only reason*. Giving them to me as part of sex as a whole is totally fine, and even seems to turn her on. Standalone, no way. Because in her mind, there's a certain level of inequality there, which is understandable, but also, IMO, not actually correct.
> 
> To each their own. But in a consensual, solid relationship, nothing is degrading unless you allow it to be (or want it to be, but that's a whole other thread).


That bolded part above is such a good point. Have you ever phrased it to her this way? 

I think this also goes back to some of the posts by @inmyprime. Trust is such a big factor in sex, particularly rough/bdsm style sex. A woman's choice to be vulnerable and engage her partner in what some would describe as 'degrading' sex acts requires a lot of trust. It would also help explain why its difficult for women like myself to perform right after big disagreements. They temporarily chip away at the woman's trust in the man.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

No nerves -> no pain, no thoughts. Your body produces them regularly and they die regularly, just like skin cells. 





inmyprime said:


> I know this sounds totally stupid (and a little insane) but...is there any possibility that sperm might have some sort of feelings (pain etc)? After making my wife pregnant three times, i lately have nightmares that every time I ejaculate I kill millions of babies. Worse, I kill them in places where it is not ideal to die (my wife's behind, face cheeks, feet etc). I know they need an egg, ideally, but I have seen them under a microscope: they have a head, wiggle around and look relatively distressed, the way they swim around in a group. I don't mean to put a damper on the whole thing, it's just something that occasionally freaks me out. And I know it's irrational but this is as good a place to ask as any...but has anyone else been freaked out by it or is it time to see a therapist...
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> An alternative, I would love to try with my wife, that she hasn't verbally said NO to (but facial expressions have said "no,you pervert"), is an anal Fleshlight held by her between her thighs while she is on all fours.


Great idea.

You do it first and show her how it's done.

Gotta love assclowns who are constantly pushing the anal but wouldn't dream of doing themselves.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> What exactly are they then? And why do they 'think' as a group? (All swimming one way).
> 
> I know they are not babies, but there is still 'potential' that they will become one once they find an egg!


Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights. One day, all the other sperms asked him, "Why don't you just swim around like us?" Bob replied, with a smirk, "Well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there." The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back. The others asked him why he turned around and he said, "Back up boys, it's a BLOW JOB!"


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

bankshot1993 said:


> lastly, cum shots - I'm not even sure what this means. I cum every time I have sex as I'm sure pretty much every man does. so I'm not sure what this even means.


A cumshot is to a facial as a rectangle is to a square. One is always the other but the other is not always the one.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

inmyprime said:


> That's a little unusual. What happens if you finish her with oral first? Sure she doesn't leave you 'hanging' so to speak? Or 69?
> Maybe she's freaked out by sperm and perhaps is scared that she is expected to swallow it or do something unusual with it. Have you discussed why she won't do it?
> 
> The word "degrading" seems to carry a lot of baggage with it. It doesn't necessarily need to be a negative, in sexual context. A bit like classifying spanking as domestic abuse.
> ...


Lol, none of the above!

She swallows every time. Has never not swallowed. (I also don't care if she does or not, TBH).

She's multi-multi orgasmic, so she's never really 'done' 

Yes, I agree with you about the wording. I don't think she feels it's degrading, per se, just that it's not something she wants to do on it's own, by itself. Just no interest :scratchhead: She's not a giver.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Keke24 said:


> That bolded part above is such a good point. Have you ever phrased it to her this way?
> 
> I think this also goes back to some of the posts by @inmyprime. Trust is such a big factor in sex, particularly rough/bdsm style sex. A woman's choice to be vulnerable and engage her partner in what some would describe as 'degrading' sex acts requires a lot of trust. It would also help explain why its difficult for women like myself to perform right after big disagreements. They temporarily chip away at the woman's trust in the man.


I have, yes. But she's not one to talk about past experiences, so it's pointless. She also hates comparing relationships (ie. her past experiences with her current, and mine as well). Whatever I know about her past relationship experience, she's volunteered.

I don't believe it's me she doesn't trust. Just that perhaps past experiences involving standalone BJ's have left a bad taste in her mouth - no pun intended... Far too many men expect this sort of thing from their partners, and/or try to get them to do it, or otherwise pout when they don't get BJ's (or whatever). Given that many women just don't have the interest or drive to give regular standalone BJ's in the first place (yet may not be seriously against doing so), giving them this pressure, or ultimatum, or "you don't really care about me" song and dance sure as hell doesn't help.

My ex wife (before she was unable to physically give oral sex - TMJ, lockjaw) did on a fairly regular basis. She had no real desire to do so, other than "for me". I don't recall ever asking her, though I'm sure I did once or twice. But much more often than not, it was her choice. Just something for me. Some women really want to give oral because they like it AND they like to please their partner. Some give it because it's no skin off their back and it makes their partner happy. And some hate it from the get-go. Others, like my wife I believe, have had it ruined for them by ******* partners. If she hated giving oral, she wouldn't be doing it during actual sex, either. But she does, and she genuinely gets right into it and seems to actually enjoy it. There are times where I don't want to finish that way and try to stop it, only to hear her mumble "nuh uh" and go even harder. So, she clearly enjoys it at these times. Just not on it's own, ever.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Keke24 said:


> No I would not have guessed that you stopped dating her :grin2:. Not even trying some alternatives? Like choking her with only one hand? Geez that's rough (no pun intended).


You need to lay off the pron.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Unicorn Cupcake, you're a guy aren't you?


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> From a guy who tried all of the above I would never ask my gf to try a facial,I've done it with past gfs but not it's not something I want to do with someone special to me.As for anal,lube is your friend in this situation.
> You say your sex life has become dull and boring so why don't YOU spice it up.A few toys,role play,grooming each other can work wonders.
> My own personal favourite is the geisha girl role play but that's just me.


Role playing is freaking hawt!!!


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## rrw (Apr 5, 2017)

UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
> 
> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> ...


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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

My wife actually enjoys it when I come on her face and body. I also enjoy it.

Recently, my wife has wanted me to penetrate her anally. We have tried this a handful of times during the course of 35 years of sex, usually when either she or both of us have been drinking. I have explained to her many times over the years that I don't enjoy putting my c*ck in her a$$, I don't like the smell or the potential for "residue", and I don't really get off on anal intercourse.

She actually got upset with me the last time we had sex, and I declined to give her anal. She knows I don't really like it, but she tells me that in any sexual relationship, there are things one partner wants that the other doesn't want to do, but that the reluctant partner should be more open to giving the other what they want. So when I asked her why she doesn't let me ejaculate in her mouth, or allow me to give her standalone oral, she got very defensive, and didn't want to talk about it. WTF???


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## RaceTrack1975 (Jul 18, 2017)

I'll state up front that I haven''t read all the posts in this thread, but I don't enjoy the idea of ejaculating semen onto someone's face. Seems demeaning and gross unless that is just your thing (meaning everyone involved).


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## spawn2031 (Jul 19, 2017)

UnicornCupcake said:


> My husband and I have always had pretty normal and tame sexual appetites and up until recently I wasn't bothered by it. Lately, however, our sex life just seems so stale and boring.
> 
> He's never asked to give me a facial, anal or cum shot, but I don't mind any of these things too much so I figured that would be a good way to spice things up, right? Wrong. He doesn't seem interested in any of them and I confess it's making my feel extremely unattractive and undesirable.
> 
> ...


No, not all guys like things like that. Personally, I have never had any desire to bust a load on my wife's face. Anal, yes... but that's different as, at least to me, it's just another form of sex. Giving someone a facial honestly is something I probably only think of doing if I really didn't care about someone, to me it feels like something that would only be really done in the context of a porno. I could be completely wrong and there are plenty of guys that love doing it all the time to their wives, but it's certainly not all of us. If you really do like the thought of it, maybe you have a fetish brewing that you didn't realize was there? Or it is really just what you stated and you're just looking for something to heat things up. What about toys? Dildos? If your husband is a visual guys, like I am, then he might get really turned on by seeing you do something to yourself which could rock the boat enough to make him wake up to trying other things. I wouldn't think that he's not interested in doing different stuff to you, I think it might just be the particular act you are targeting.


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## Jason Bourne (Jul 30, 2017)

First few replies sound like saints or something else but males. I can tell you right now most males will enjoy all the things you mentioned. And if you did those things to some ladies but you think it's degrading to your "special" wife then you're a big *******. Treating ladies like trash then expecting for the special one to chime in is very pathetic and you deserve what's coming to you. 
It's either ok to do those things or it ain't.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jason Bourne said:


> First few replies sound like saints or something else but males. I can tell you right now most males will enjoy all the things you mentioned. And if you did those things to some ladies but you think it's degrading to your "special" wife then you're a big *******. Treating ladies like trash then expecting for the special one to chime in is very pathetic and you deserve what's coming to you.
> It's either ok to do those things or it ain't.


You are making assumptions because you yourself like these things that most men will. You are wrong. Many think far more of their partners/wives than to act that way. 
None of the men I dated liked those things, and I think personally they are completely disrespectful and degrading.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> You are making assumptions because you yourself like these things that most men will. You are wrong. Many think far more of their partners/wives than to act that way.
> None of the men I dated liked those things, and I think personally they are completely disrespectful and degrading.


And you are making assumptions that women should feel these things are completely disrespectful and degrading, and if they do enjoy any of these things that they think little of their partners/wives.

Also this is a bit of a zombie thread.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For me:
facials: OK, but not something I particularly want. Happened a couple of times, my wife thought it was funny, but not a particular turn-on or off for er

anal:Used to do it some. It got her off very quickly but also made her sore. Fun in a kinky sort of way.

I see nothing wrong with them for any couple who enjoys doing them.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> You are making assumptions because you yourself like these things that most men will. You are wrong. Many think far more of their partners/wives than to act that way.
> None of the men I dated liked those things, and I think personally they are completely disrespectful and degrading.


That's kind of the tricky thing when it comes to sex. Disrespect and degradation is very much in the eye of the beholder, and one does not really have the right to say what someone else should or should not find disrespectful and degrading.

While none of these are really my thing, my wife and I do occasionally engage in them because she really finds them quite exciting, and I indulge her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> And you are making assumptions that women should feel these things are completely disrespectful and degrading, and if they do enjoy any of these things that they think little of their partners/wives.
> 
> Also this is a bit of a zombie thread.


For me sex and love are interconnected. So any act that isnt expressing love is out. I thank God that I have a man who wouldnt treat me that way.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> For me sex and love are interconnected. So any act that isnt expressing love is out. I thank God that I have a man who wouldnt treat me that way.


Not everyone finds it unloving either. I feel very loved when my man does things like these. Sharing in these kind of ways is a loving act for me.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> For me sex and love are interconnected. So any act that isnt expressing love is out. I thank God that I have a man who wouldnt treat me that way.


For me they are as well.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Don't feel bad: I had to Google "Fleshlight."


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Jason Bourne said:


> First few replies sound like saints or something else but males. I can tell you right now most males will enjoy all the things you mentioned. And if you did those things to some ladies but you think it's degrading to your "special" wife then you're a big *******. Treating ladies like trash then expecting for the special one to chime in is very pathetic and you deserve what's coming to you.
> It's either ok to do those things or it ain't.


I tried to decipher your rant as best I could and from what I can gather you think that a man who doesn't see shooting his semen into the face of the woman he loves as a sign of his undying love for her is in some idiosyncratic state of mind. 
Mainly because she doesn't care for it.
Have I got this right or am I missing something?


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## AussieRN (Mar 28, 2013)

Me and mine have do all of this from time to time and while it is nice for me and something sortof pornish which can make for that nice "we did something naughty" feeling none of those 3 things are a part of regular play.

How many times has someone thought they wouldn't like something, tried it, and loved it.

I would encourage trying new things lest we all end up starfish.


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## theDrifter (Mar 20, 2017)

My wife likes facials a lot more than I do but she only does it now and then when she is either jerking me off or watching me do it myself. Otherwise I cum wherever I happen to be when I finish. 

My wife has come to enjoy anal intercourse more than vaginal - I have no preference.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> None of those interest me. I had one or two gfs who liked facials occasionally, and one who liked anal. I'd do it for them, but it wasn't something I myself wanted.


Same here.


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## theDrifter (Mar 20, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> For me sex and love are interconnected. So any act that isnt expressing love is out. I thank God that I have a man who wouldnt treat me that way.


We each choose your own paths in this life - why is a God-fearing woman like you so damn judgemental of others?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For many people sex doesn't just represent pure romantic love, but also fun / playfulness / naughtiness. For some people some sex acts are just silly fun the way pillow fights can be fun. For others they are an chance to let loose and play out their imagination and fantasies.

Some men would love to be met at the door by their wife wearing leather, carrying a riding crop and demanding that he serve her. Some women would love to be thrown on the bed and fkd hard. Some men and women enjoy facials, anal, spanking and a wide variety of other kinky fun.

Some don't. 

What matters is that a couple has compatible interests so that they can enjoy their sexual interactions. 

To me, playfulness is part of love. 






Diana7 said:


> For me sex and love are interconnected. So any act that isnt expressing love is out. I thank God that I have a man who wouldnt treat me that way.


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## podiumboy (Apr 2, 2017)

My wife is VERY vanilla when it comes to sex. She has been since the kids were born. Before then, we tried anal a few times, she didn't like it, and I didn't really care because I was perfectly happy with the traditional method of sex. I have never given her a facial or a cum shot... not sure how that'd go if I brought it up now. She would occasionally swallow in the early days, but that is well behind me at this point unfortunately. 

The girl I dated shortly before my ex was into all of that stuff, and more. She was a VERY experienced and experimental girl, and taught me a lot of things. I did things with her that I never did before, and have never done since. While I definitely enjoyed doing many of those things, I was a bit intimidated and turned off by just how sexual she was. Now that I'm older and wiser, all I can do is shake my head and think about what a dumbass I was.

To answer the question, I don't have a burning desire to do any of those things in the thread title, but wouldn't say no if hell froze over and my wife asked me to.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

We are not into facials. Not that we didn't try a time or two, but it's not something we enjoy.
Not into anal either....either of us. We talked about it, but wasn't something we ever wanted to try. 
Cum shots? Different case. We both like those, watching, and splattering choice parts! 

That said, we have always been willing to try different things. My idea...or hers. 
Sometimes they work! If so, we do 'em again, even if it only works for one of us!


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## Johntee (Apr 27, 2017)

I am male but never liked facial and cum shot. So everyone has his or her own choice. Many women don't like anal sex while few love it. I know few women who don't like to give BJ, doesn't mean they are cheating or not doing only with specific person. Sex intensity and behavior is different in different people. Don't think wrong about your husband. I think you are somehow extra demanding.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that the thread has given the OP the input she was looking for so I'm closing it now


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