# So another update



## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

Well, it’s been a month or so. My ex wife decided to randomly hit me with a TPO. I was served about two weeks ago this upcoming Friday. We went to court, and she lost, got embarrassed pretty good actually. Once the judge learned I haven’t spoken to her in about two months, haven’t spoken to her since the divorce was finalized, and haven’t seen her longer than that. He threw it out.

I seriously do not understand this woman. I stopped fighting for the marriage, just like she wanted. I didn’t stand in way when her 24 year old ass went after a 37 year old man. Hell they are living together now, have been since she filed for divorce. 

How on earth can this woman hate me this much? All bc i exposed her affair on Facebook? One of her friends told me this. “No one believes her, is effecting her job, she wants to make you look bad”. 

Jesus Christ, a simple sorry for cheating on you, sorry for divorcing you to be with another man, at this point that would suffice. But nope, she tried to hit me with a restraining order. Thank god that judge wasn’t an idiot.

Besides this, life has been good. My wife’s affair has definitely changed me. I’ve had a couple of one night stands, but no dating. I don’t want to date for a very very long time. My trust in women right now, is nonexistent. 

As far as the ex wife is concerned, all I know forsure is that she’s living with the OM. Haven’t spoken to her, or seen her besides in court. Didn’t speak to her directly either. As soon as the judge dismissed it, she almost ran out of the court room. Must have been extremely embarrassed.

In the process of joining the Air Force, haven’t signed anything yet, but seeing as how I’m only 26 I want to see the world. And I actually want to make something out of my life. Putting as much distance between myself and my crazy ex wife as possible.

I’ve accepted that I will never understand her. The lying, the cheating, no remorse, no guilt, being petty bc I exposed it to her entire family. I’ve been told her own mother doesn’t speak to her very much anymore. But she did this all to herself.

I do miss my marriage at times, and I do miss her. But the person I married is long gone. She turned into someone else.

But so did I. 

Thanks for anyone who took the time to read this. Hopefully, this past court date was the last time I will ever see or hear from this woman again.

But I doubt it, very much.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Bulldawg2010 said:


> Well, it’s been a month or so. My ex wife decided to randomly hit me with a TPO. I was served about two weeks ago this upcoming Friday. We went to court, and she lost, got embarrassed pretty good actually. Once the judge learned I haven’t spoken to her in about two months, haven’t spoken to her since the divorce was finalized, and haven’t seen her longer than that. He threw it out.
> 
> I seriously do not understand this woman. I stopped fighting for the marriage, just like she wanted. I didn’t stand in way when her 24 year old ass went after a 37 year old man. Hell they are living together now, have been since she filed for divorce.
> 
> ...


In your wife’s eyes she has done nothing wrong.So because her marriage ended there has to be a bad guy and this precious snowflake isn’t going to be it.So that leaves you to carry the can.
She is rewriting history in her own mind,trying to justify her behavior.Dont let it bother you,eventually you will realize that you had a lucky escape.If this had been ten years in the future,maybe with children on the scene and a mortgage it would have been a lot worse.
Good luck with the Air Force,in a short while you will be beating girls off,that uniform is a big turn on for women.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Bulldawg2010 said:


> Well, it’s been a month or so. My ex wife decided to randomly hit me with a TPO. I was served about two weeks ago this upcoming Friday. We went to court, and she lost, got embarrassed pretty good actually. Once the judge learned I haven’t spoken to her in about two months, haven’t spoken to her since the divorce was finalized, and haven’t seen her longer than that. He threw it out.
> 
> I seriously do not understand this woman. I stopped fighting for the marriage, just like she wanted. I didn’t stand in way when her 24 year old ass went after a 37 year old man. Hell they are living together now, have been since she filed for divorce.
> 
> ...


Your wayward wife is following the script to the letter. She gets an A+ for conformity and an F for originality.


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

Yeah I honestly don’t know much about the script. I know about the blame shifting. I know about the re writing. But This.... idk it’s just delusional. That’s the only word I can call it. The fact she just up and left me for a man 13 years older than her. Has a kid. 6 years just down the drain for that.

I should thank her though, she showed me that there are indeed evil people in this world. I can’t even believe I wanted to reconcile. I guess I was just afraid of losing her. But life without her isn’t bad. It’s actuallf refreshing.

Don’t get me wrong, I do miss her. I miss the companionship. I miss waking up next to her. I miss the sex. 

But she showed me just how little she valued our young marriage (10 months) and how little she valued me.

There is no hope for reconciliation anymore. The more I find out about them, like how people tell me she posts pictures of them on Facebook and whatnot. The more I despise her. 

And yeah I know I shouldn’t hate her, it’s not healthy. Maybe one day I won’t. But as of now, hate is the only word I can give to her. I hate her and her stupid friends that support her decision to cheat and leave me.

But like that Justin Timberlake song goes. What goes around comes around. The damage is done so I guess I’ll be leaving.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Give recovery time. You were genuine when you made your vows. She wasn't. That is very hard to accept, but you are on the right path.


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

I’ve been trying to recover. It just seems like an impossible task. I hadn’t talked or seen my ex wife in two months, yet, she filed a TPO against me and drug me to court.


I don’t know what else to do tbh besides leave. Im pretty much convinced that the Air Force is for me. I get to put so much distance between myself and my ex wife. And hopefully after 4 years, I will be over this 100 percent.

I’m just tired. I fought like hell for my marriage, for a woman that didn’t want me anymore. I lost. And I lost in the most embarrassing way possible, to someone much older. 

Idk she made her decision, yet I’m the one living with the consequences. I doubt she feels bad about anything. I don’t think it eats at her at all. All bc she is happy with this new life she’s constructing with lies.

I don’t even feel bad for her anymore. I know all of this is going to blow up. And she deserves whatever life has in store for her. I’m contemplating on calling her district manager and telling her how she used her employees to stalk me on Facebook.

But I’m sure I would have to deal with some legal bs so I’ve been stopping myself from doing that.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Sell all the stuff you won't need while in the Air Force. See the world on someone else's dime. Set a aggressive budget. You will get three squares a day and a place to sleep. A couple years from now you can get discharged with cash in the bank, no debt and a bright future ahead.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Just purge her. This'll just become a very distant bad memory. 

You got a chance at a second life. Fix your picker.

Don't look back. There's nothing there.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Bulldawg2010 said:


> Besides this, life has been good. My wife’s affair has definitely changed me. I’ve had a couple of one night stands, but no dating. *I don’t want to date for a very very long time. My trust in women right now, is nonexistent*.


While I understand that your trust has been broken in the worst possible way, (been there my friend), you mustn't tar all women with the same brush. When I was cheated on by my abusive ex, I didn't blame all men, I blamed him. Lucky for me, I come from a family of lovely men, my darling dad and neither of my lovely brothers would cheat on their partners. My friends are married to lovely men who would never do what my ex did to me. 

Don't play the "I was cheated on, they're all the same, f the lot of 'em" card. That's what victims do. You are NOT a victim, you're a survivor! You're going to be a soldier. You've got this.



Bulldawg2010 said:


> And yeah I know I shouldn’t hate her, it’s not healthy. Maybe one day I won’t. But as of now, hate is the only word I can give to her. I hate her and her stupid friends that support her decision to cheat and leave me.


If it helps you get through it, be angry, hate her. For a time. But the opposite of love is indifference. Work through it. Feel it. Let it go.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

frusdil said:


> While I understand that your trust has been broken in the worst possible way, (been there my friend), you mustn't tar all women with the same brush. When I was cheated on by my abusive ex, I didn't blame all men, I blamed him. Lucky for me, I come from a family of lovely men, my darling dad and neither of my lovely brothers would cheat on their partners. My friends are married to lovely men who would never do what my ex did to me.
> 
> Don't play the "I was cheated on, they're all the same, f the lot of 'em" card. That's what victims do. You are NOT a victim, you're a survivor! *You're going to be a soldier.* You've got this.
> 
> ...


Not going to be a soldier, going to be an airman.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Bulldawg2010 you can be trained for a career



> AIRCRAFT & FLIGHT ALLIED HEALTH ARTS & HUMANITY COMPUTERS & COMPUTER SCIENCE DENTISTRY ELECTRONICS & ELECTRICAL EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT & RESPONSE ENGINEERING & APPLIED SCIENCE FACILITIES FUTURE TECHNOLOGIES GROUND VEHICLES HEALTH & MEDICINE HEALTH ADMINISTRATION HEALTH TECHNICIANS & SPECIALISTS INTELLIGENCE LAW & ENFORCEMENT LOGISTICS & TRANSPORTATION MAINTENANCE & REPAIR MENTAL HEALTH NATURAL SCIENCE NURSING OPERATIONS & ADMINISTRATION PHYSICIANS & SURGEONS SPACE SPECIAL OPERATIONS WEAPONRY & MATERIEL
> 220 Careers found


https://www.airforce.com/careers/browse-careers/


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I realize you don't feel lucky at this point but you really are. I spent decades with a cheater who never intended to divorce because he liked his life as it was. I finally got out but how I wish I had gotten my life back when I was your age.


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

I know it’s not fair to other women, but that’s just where I am at this point. After spending 6 years with someone, being married for 10 months, getting divorced bc of some sick **** in my ex wife’s head. It’s onlg proven to me that you never really know someone. Honestly right now, I want to be alone. I don’t want a woman in my life at all, expect to do the dirty with.

Honestly as it stands right now, I do not see how I will ever trust someone again. Seriously a week before all this, we were looking at buying a house together. There were no talks about divorce, there were no signs that I noticed she was cheating. I thought everything was fine.

Then one Friday I wake up to a world of pure ****. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. And I believed every single lie she told.

I will never understand fully what happened. Nor do I really care too. At this point in my life I pray to god I will never see or talk to her again. I want her to be another memory, that’s all.

I want to feel indifference, but as of right now. I hate her, I hate everything she has done, I hate the fact that I was stupid enough to be with this woman for so long. I hate how blind I was ignoring all the red flags I ignored.

At this point in time, she could get hit by a bus, and I’d throw a party.

She’s evil. Pure evil. I don’t think I’ve ever met a true sociopath before, but I know what one looks like now.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Glad things worked out for you.

Date all you want, but don’t even consider marriage until you’re out of the military.


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

Dating is honestly the last thing on my mind right now. I spent 6 years with someone that I really believe has a mental illness. I think the next 2/3 years are gonna just be about me. Unless I meet someone special. 

That’s the plan anyways. You’re only young once. I got a 2nd chance at life honestly. I don’t intend on wasting it.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Fantastic way of looking at it!

Have you sign the paperwork for the Air Force yet?

Once again, you’re doing a great job dealing with the **** storm that you’ve been handed. Just keep moving forward.


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

Haven’t signed anything yet, currently studying for the asvab.

Probably won’t need too study, everyone I know that’s in the military has said that has long as you can read and do math, it’s a cake walk.

But it’s better to be over prepared than under prepared. That’s what saved my butt going to court for the restraining order. I literally had everything, copy of when I took my name off of the lease, copy of my divorce being finalized, copy of my phone records to prove I haven’t been in contact with her like she said I was in the TPO. 

I’ve learned the hard way to never be under prepared ever again.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Bulldawg2010 said:


> Haven’t signed anything yet, currently studying for the asvab.
> 
> Probably won’t need too study, everyone I know that’s in the military has said that has long as you can read and do math, it’s a cake walk.


It determines the type of jobs you qualify for. If you don't prepare, and bomb the test, you'll end up a cook or infantryman. I did well enough that the military eventually paid for my college and law school.


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## Rgaines (Jun 13, 2018)

Bulldawg Congratulations! You dodged a bullet and got your life back!


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Bulldawg2010 said:


> Dating is honestly the last thing on my mind right now. I spent 6 years with someone that I really believe has a mental illness. I think the next 2/3 years are gonna just be about me. Unless I meet someone special.
> 
> That’s the plan anyways. You’re only young once. I got a 2nd chance at life honestly. I don’t intend on wasting it.


Now that's the right attitude! :smthumbup:

Go and do your own thing now. F**K her, leave her in your dust! Do all the things that you wanted to do but she wouldn't let you. You are young and believe it or not, very fortunate that this happened now and not 20 years down the road. Trust me, I know. 

I was with my first XWW for 6 years, married for 1, when she started cheating on me. I got her out of my head within a year or so by doing my own thing and living life with a purpose. Spend some time reflecting on what happened and learn as much as you can from this sh!tty experience. Use that knowledge to move forward in your life and especially when you meet someone new. Be on the lookout for the Reg flags! I wish I would have learned more from my first divorce. Unfortunately, my second marriage ended the same way after 15 years because I chose to ignore warning signs early in the relationship. Don't make the same mistake I did. Make sure you are solid and healed before you start dating seriously. Broken attracts broken. Trust me, It's much more devastating to have all your assets divided and find yourself alone when you are middle-aged.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

You are smart not to date right now. As far as the nasty, as you called it, goes, I would avoid that too. You never know what can happen and you might find yourself going from frying pan into the fire. Plus, think of your own dignity.

Most importantly, you need to give this time. You are going through the process of grief. Allow time for you to go through the five stages, and to heal. Many of us have been exactly where you are right now, and we know how much it hurts. It is difficult to keep thinking about the betrayal and what could have been. 

We all recovere differently from the dark betrayal of infidelity. You are doing exceptionally well in terms of being decisive and ending all contact with her. Well done, my friend! But anger and resentment are holding you back. That's not your fault. You should be angry. But from reading your posts, you need to find healthy ways to manage the anger and resentment. You run the risk of letting your wife's actions define you. As @frusdil pointed out, your wife does not represent all women. Sure there are plenty of wayward women out there, but there are also plenty of great women out there too. I am so glad to hear that you are giving yourself time to heal and recover before even thinking about another woman. That is wise and healthy. Once you have time to process your grief and recover, which can take one to two years, you will have a clear head and time to find someone out there who is a good pick. You just have to be very careful to look for a woman of high character. In today's world marriage has become a disposable commodity. Some people without character just quit or cheat without regard for the feelings of their spouse or for the promise that they made. But that's not everyone. 

Start taking care of yourself. Exercise. Find hobbies and activities that are constructive and will give you peace and happiness. Hang out with friends and family will support you. If you are religious, go to church. Also, I highly recommend divorce support groups. I went to one at my parish called divorce care, and it was excellent. These groups help out understand and deal with the different emotions and issues that you are experiencing with a group of people who are experiencing them with you. But instead of simply wallowing in self-pity, there are coping tools given.

Best wishes for a full recovery. This too shall pass and a happy future awaits.


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

Well another update.

Got an interesting voice mail from a certain ex wife.

I get a random phone call from a number I don’t know. So of course I don’t answer. Plus I was at work and answering phone calls is a big no no.

Well turns out it was her,the voicemail said “ hey “my name” I know I’m the last person you want to talk too and I just want to talk about us and the way things ended.”

Well I called her back. She started crying saying how she made a mistake. I respond with you didn’t make a mistake, you made a choice, and you made several ****ty choices over the past few months. 

She then proceeds to tell me she thinks she has something wrong with her mentally. I told her that it should be obvious. Normal people don’t leave a 6 year relationship, a 10 month marriage, for someone 13 years older than them and not have something wrong.

The convo continued with a bunch of begging and pleading, she found out that I’m trying to get into the Air Force, and told me she didn’t want me to go. The last thing I said to her was unfortunately you lost the privilege of telling me what to do when you started screwing a 37 year old man.

I hung up, blocked the number, and I’m continuing with my life.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Nice strong action. If you are smart you'll stay on your current path. 

You dodged a bullet. Don't line up for a second shot man


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

I think you handled it well. She doesn't like how it turned out, I guess, and is hoping a "do-over."

Dawg, I have a question about your wife's attempt to get a restraining order. You made it sound like it was basically proven that she knowingly lied on a legal document in court - is there no consequence for that, other than she has to walk away sad.

If I want to falsely file a restraining order against someone, and lie to the court, I can do it with impunity? The other person will have to suffer the indignity, and I can walk away smiling if I want? Maybe the other person will get a restraining order if they don't get their ducks in the road. But worse that can happen to me is the judge will scold me?

If that's the case, I'm surprised more people don't do it.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)




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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Like a BOSS!!!!

Congrats


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

As regards to the restraining order, yes she lied about almost everything. She said one thing that was true on her TPO.

My lawyer told me the court system won’t go after her for lying bc it is assumed that some things on a restraining order are exaggerated, best that I could hope for was getting in thrown out. Perjury is rare in the case of restraining orders bc the court wants to cover there ass “just in case”.

But Honestly it doesn’t matter. Any judge worth a salt wouldn’t sign off on a PO considering that all that happened months ago. My lawyer told me that if she would have filed one within a month that all that happened I probably would have been screwed. 

1. I put a loaded gun to my head the night I caught my ex wife leaving the OMs apartment drunk.
2. I’m almost certain I said something along the lines of if I see the other man out in public I would beat the holy **** out of him.

So she could have gotten me, but she waited to long


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Let her go. She can be someone else's problem. Shes Not worth your headspace


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Bulldawg
Use your time in the Armed Forces to train for a high paying career after your hitch is up. Seriously go for the dough. I cannot stress this more. By the time your hitch is over, the ex will be nothing but a distant memory. Find a good woman, and lavish your love and attention on her. If she is a good woman, she will do the same for you. One fine day, your ex will be alone. The shlt inside her brain, will evolve, and she will go from the ***** you had to something much much worse. Let her rot. She is not worth a second thought.

Living a great life is the best revenge. Believe me, I have had numerous male clients who have been left by their first wives. One was just like yours. Old guy with a few more bucks. Then, the ex goes on to great things. One guy went back to school, finished law. Started making six figures a year. It got back to his ex, who just thought that the sun rose and set on her ass. She shows up at the bar across the street from his law office. She walks right up to him. Starts in as if she never left. He told me that she looked great, but she was still the ***** that walked out. Suddenly a stunning blonde walks up to him, and he introduces her as his fiance. She happens to be a lawyer as well. His parting shot at his ex? Basically told her that he has grown up, and got educated,


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

Yeah a lot of my friends have told me I need to go back to school. I have an associates degree, but I just don’t have the desire right now to go back to school.


Maybe one day I will, maybe. I may seriously consider it when I get out of the Air Force.

Currently that’s my goal, it allows me to get out of this small ass town and live life.


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## Bulldawg2010 (May 12, 2018)

Don’t worry Marc, I’m letting her go.
I would be lying if I said she didn’t occupy any part of my brain, she does. But I don’t think about the situation 24/7 like I did. It gets less and less. The more I found out about the OM, like for example he was fired from his job at UPS bc he’s a pill head and was stealing safety equipment and selling it (it’s amazing what a PI can find out) the more I realize just how trashy my ex wife really is.

I have no doubt in my mind that their relationship is starting to falter, hell in the first month alone he took my ex wife to Savannah Georgia and Tybee island. Just showering her with vacations and whatnot. BUT she will find out the hard way what she has given up.

I believe our conversation was the first big brain flip that she screwed up. Unfortunately for her, I do not believe in giving second chances to cheaters. Once I found out about the other man, I didn’t fight her divorce. I let her file it, it went uncontested. I got all my **** out of our apartment and stopped talking to her immediately.

However, it does suck living in a small town. I can’t blame her that everyone knows about her affair and why we are divorced. That is 1,000% on me, I exposed it to everyone we know via Facebook.

I still remember the text message I got after she saw I screenshot her text admitting to it and posted it on Facebook. “You piece of ****, you’re going to rot in hell.” 

Yes sweet ex wife of mine, I’m the one that’s going to rot in hell.

I won’t lie, I wish I would have done things differently. I wish I didn’t disgrace myself by doing the pick me dance. I wish I could have seen through her lies at the very beginning. I guess anything is better than hearing “I’m screwing our 37 year old neighbor.” 


I was a fool, but I am not a fool anymore. I have learned a lot from this cluster **** of a marriage. And knowledge is power.

I’m so excited to start a career in the Air Force, getting out of this town and putting as much distance between everything that happened.

Soon. 
Just need to take the asvab and wait to go to basic.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You'll be fine. The OM maybe a POS but what does that make her?


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Bulldawg
Let me tell you that I have seen so many cases like yours both male and female, where one partner, in the name of a thrill or something desperately missing in their makeup that has them cheat, and cheat with the worst kind of person. The ex spouse moves on to bigger and better things and the ex is left in the dust. In the case of one of my clients becoming a lawyer, while his ex was working minimum wage, and partying 24/7, the discovery that he had done so well and that she was no part whatsoever in his new life, shook her to her core. She said, and bitterly, she pissed away the best thing that happened to her for essentially party city. She knows she has done nothing with her life, while her ex moved on from her, earns great money, now has a beautiful wife and they will have a beautiful life.

Bulldawg, your ex just had a look into the crystal ball, the reason she does not want you going into the Air Force is that she knows you will do well, and she can't tie you down and stay at her level. To hell with her. Plain and simple. You have moved on, and she is little more than dogshlt you stepped in. You wiped your shoe, move on.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Bulldawg2010 said:


> Well another update.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This is a perfect example of why you expose, and especially do the 180 and move on with your life!!!

Don't fall for the manipulation of staying "friends".

As long as she feels like you are within reach, like she can reel you in again, she feels a certain amount of security that she will have "someone".

Its not love and it sure as hell is not remorse.

She just did not, "want you to go"!

You handled it like a boss!

Best of life to you as you become an Airman.


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