# Texting Wife



## curious mind (Apr 4, 2009)

I just noticed that my wife has been texing a co-worker, and they have been calling each other, too. I realized this after she was acting strange the other night, like constantly checking her phone. Come to find out, she had been texting this guy while we were out with friends. I monitored this over the next few days, and there was more texting. She would text stuff to him stuff like, Call me tomorrow if you get bored. I didn't see you much today. I will call you after I leave the gym. They called each other a lot the other day, too. She called him as soon as she left for work yesterday. I looked at her call history. Of course, she talks about him a lot and she always talks about how much they are alike. Our sex life is very bad right now...maybe 3 times a month if I'm lucky. Am I overreacting, or is this the start of an affair? He is married with kids. What do you guys think?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

you're definitely not over reacting. she's emotionally attached to him already.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

definately not over-reacting.
definately an affair.
if your sex life has gone down alot, id say sex has started with him, unless she gearing herself up to do to it.
either way if you want to sort it out.

dont bite the bullet, nip it in the bud now with her or if you leave it, there might be more to come.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

:iagree:

Yep, something going on here, it may be a strong Flirty friendship...which will blossom into more if not nipped.

Ask her who her friend is, and you would love to meet his wife and kids, and you ALL CAN BE FRIENDS! .....see how that flies....

matter of fact if she says, "no"....insist to meet the guy.


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## curious mind (Apr 4, 2009)

Thanks for the replies. I have met him a few times. I counted 15 calls between the 2 of them the other day. They call each other BFF when they text. If physical hasn't happened, it is definately an emoitional affair.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I must say, I am a real flirty guy natural, I flirt with everyone shape or size, just the way I am. So I have a LOT of female friends, that are just that, but I can honestly I never talked to any of my female friends 15 times in one day.

maybe he is secrectly gay or something like that and talking about shoes? :rofl:

I dunno...that is alot of times.


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## curious mind (Apr 4, 2009)

She does say that he is like a girlfriend to her, but he is married. He's not gay! "Oh, were just good friends." Isn't that the excuse all men and women use when they are involved with or interested someone else?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

curious mind said:


> She does say that he is like a girlfriend to her, but he is married. He's not gay! "Oh, were just good friends." Isn't that the excuse all men and women use when they are involved with or interested someone else?


no, sometimes they're just good friends. but it's amazing how quickly these dudes become "good friends" with ladies who arent getting their needs met. and i don't mean physical needs.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I'm with Void...

I mean I had some of my female friends say some real interesting things to me...and I would be like oh snap.

i've had some hubby's get Jealous, but I always took it upon myself to meet the guy and become friends with him as well to make sure he knew it was just a friendship and nothing more.

I have a rule, if I can't have a beer with the hubby, I can't be friends with the married female. My wife is not a very social person so she knows not to get jealous, plus I usually tell her everything that goes on.

Like, "hey Honey Laura told me she loves to do (insert any word) " bottom line is I hide nothing from my wife.

Talk to your wife and the guy, If nothing is going on, then ther should be no problem with your involvement. But explain to your wife you're not trying to be buddy buddy with the guy, but comfortable in your relationship.

She just may like the fact you are getting jealous.


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## Alecram (Apr 3, 2009)

Whoa, all that texting and calling sounds really shady. What do you possibly have to talk about outside of work with someone of the opposite sex? Not that there's anything wrong with being good friends with someone you work with, but c'mon. 

The part you said about her constantly checking her phone while out with you and friends reminds me of the way a person would act when they have a crush on someone...that's how I was when my dh and I were dating...constantly checking phone with anticipation to see if he had called.

I hope I'm really wrong for your sake, but you are not over-reacting at all. I would definitely confront her about it ASAP.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

curious mind said:


> it is definately an emoitional affair.


:iagree:

Set your boundaries with her and begin to work on the problem areas in the marriage.


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## 13years (Apr 6, 2009)

I recommend eblaster. Load it on her computer so you will know if she is cheating. Just promise yourself no matter what you will delete it after 2 weeks. You just need to know.


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## fatherof3 (Jan 13, 2009)

Man, im sorry for what you are dealing with, it for sure sounds like an EA if not phsycal. You need to take hold of the situation as soon as you can...If it's an EA it will hurt, but the pain from a physical is devastating...Is she hiding the txt and calls from you....Listen to your gut...If she is hiding it then there is more to it....


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

EA heading towards a PA if you don't intervene, just my quick and honest opinion.


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## curious mind (Apr 4, 2009)

I really appreciate all of the responses. I just found out there were 125 text between them from early March until early April. I agree with all of you. It seems to be an EA right now with all of the flirty text. It does seem she has a crush on him. It's time to put an end to it. Thanks again.


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## danyell80 (Apr 20, 2009)

curious mind said:


> I really appreciate all of the responses. I just found out there were 125 text between them from early March until early April. I agree with all of you. It seems to be an EA right now with all of the flirty text. It does seem she has a crush on him. It's time to put an end to it. Thanks again.


my husband is doing the same thing so i know how ya feel i told him it needs to stop but....we just fight about it alot he said he doesnt talk much to her anymore and to check the bill just dont know if i believe him...


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## recent_cloud (Apr 18, 2009)

"It's time to put an end to it."

good for you, and much luck.

just remember not to settle for less than what you deserve out of fear of losing her, because if you feel you must, then you might have already lost her.


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## CCW1225 (Jul 26, 2009)

curious mind said:


> I just noticed that my wife has been texing a co-worker, and they have been calling each other, too. I realized this after she was acting strange the other night, like constantly checking her phone. Come to find out, she had been texting this guy while we were out with friends. I monitored this over the next few days, and there was more texting. She would text stuff to him stuff like, Call me tomorrow if you get bored. I didn't see you much today. I will call you after I leave the gym. They called each other a lot the other day, too. She called him as soon as she left for work yesterday. I looked at her call history. Of course, she talks about him a lot and she always talks about how much they are alike. Our sex life is very bad right now...maybe 3 times a month if I'm lucky. Am I overreacting, or is this the start of an affair? He is married with kids. What do you guys think?


 This is how my husbands affair started with a woman he worked with.... We've been married 13 years his affair partner has been in a 9 year relationship. They started texting and using Facebook to communicate. Nip it in the bud, NOW!!!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well as said before Boundries have to be set.

If I ahve a female friend, she has to get to know my wife, and I ahve to know their spouse, if I can not have a beer with the guy, then I cut it off. I love my wife not interested in destroying that...for what sex? I get plenty at home.

Men and women can be friends but there needs to be openess, trust and transparency, that my wife can read every message that is sent to me and to her.

I rather "sextext" with my wife anyway


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I have a tendency to go over board, If my wife didn't stop.

I would probably contact the guys and go have a beer with them, I would really push the issue.

I would be firm in my stance, either I get to know these guys...or you stop. If you don't? Cancel the phone if you are paying the bill. I would even go as far as taking out the sim card on her. I would make it well known, that this is a deal breaker for me.

She is not respecting you or your marriage.

Openess and trust is a major issue, you guys have neither right now.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well I wouldn't reamained married to my wife if she didn't respect me.

Have you ever hung out with these guys? get to know them? have a beer? do guy stuff with them?

I would go that route before "laying down the law"

Also sounds like the guy tried to honor your request, but your wife told him...she is in charge, you are not.

She sounds like a alpha female and she wears the pants in the family. Is she bossy to you? Do you do as she asks?


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## KSimpson99 (Jul 13, 2009)

Sure - she has typically "worn the pants", but in 14 years its never been anything like this.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

being originally from NJ, I've seen this before, the alpha female...

She is the dominant one in your relationship, she is expecting you to buckle and give in to what she wants.

It's up to you. 

You can clearly have her way, or draw the line and go to war.

If it is completely unacceptable to you, then do what you must.

If you want to befriend the guys just to make sure it is friendship, she may feel she is "one of the guys" 

But you have been conditioned to "take it" while she has "given it"....she doesn't respect you as "the man"...she has been the alpha leader of the relationship, she expects you to just follow what she says.

Really up to you....what do you want? 

I would make it clear of what I wanted or be gone. But then again I am the alpha in our house, but then I also respect my wife's wishes, She didn't like one of my friends so I got rid of him, it's a two way street for respect.


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## melancholyman (Jun 1, 2009)

Been there, dude. Sure enough, wife was having an emotional affair with one guy, and a physical affair with another.

Started the same way; she was talking about him alot, going out a lot more, staying up later (or going to bed earlier, so she can get up in the early a.m. hours to contact him), etc.

I let it go on for a little while because I didn't want to jump the gun, but when I confronted her and she lied about it, I left.

The dissolution of our marriage was a slow burn, and now that we're separated, we've both been able to think about what brought us here (that, and the fact that the other man said he didn't want a relationship with her).

We're actually dating again now (10 months later), but we're still separated, and we're still getting divorced.

You have to confront her. If you can seek counseling before it's too late, that might be helpful (it wasn't for us, but your mileage may vary). 

Talk to her. Tell her you know what's going on and decide next steps. You have a tough road ahead, believe me. Good luck.


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## helpplease (May 20, 2010)

I feel for you so much. My wife has been doing the same thing. We are going to counseling but who knows where we are going to go. I would definitely start talking to her if there is any chance of saving marriage, it has to start now. 
It took me 3 months to finally put it all together. Mine was using IM on the blackberry, much harder to find out that way and she covered her tracks by texting her friends to make it appear that it was all legit. 
I hope that all works out, but, as I have now realized, do not compromise your self, your soul and who you are. It is not worth it to bow down and act like a puppy dog and beg for her to stay with you if it gets to that point.
I am sure your days are filled with pain such as mine have been for the past 3 days since I have found out. Nothing much I can say but it sucks so bad and the pain does not go away, only can be masked right now.
Stay true to yourself!


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