# Why don't women like older men?



## tzsetzse

I'm 58 and have been divorced 2 years. My marriage lasted 37 yrs. before imploding. I won't detail the circumstances other than to say that I tried everything I was legally able to in order to get her to save herself, from herself.
Now. Here I am. Single, alone and lonely for the companionship only a woman can provide. I miss being married, (but not to my former wife....make no mistake). All the ladies I know are younger than I and show no interest in dating someone older than they are.
Oh, there are woman closer to and older than my age that show interest but the commitments and obligations to family preclude the flexibility I am wanting from them.
Besides, I would like to be a "dad" again. I feel that a single Mom would make the IDEAL candidate for my love, devotion and attention. What am I not seeing? Is this simply a pipe dream?
Ladies, talk to me.:scratchhead:


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## FirstYearDown

I like older men, to a point. My husband is more than six years my senior, but less than ten. It is the perfect age difference for us.

How young are you looking for?


Don't you think a single mom would also have family commitments?


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## unbelievable

Go to Texas and turn south. You'll find plenty.


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## Conrad

The more you think like this, the less attractive you will seem.



tzsetzse said:


> I'm 58 and have been divorced 2 years. My marriage lasted 37 yrs. before imploding. I won't detail the circumstances other than to say that I tried everything I was legally able to in order to get her to save herself, from herself.
> Now. Here I am. Single, alone and lonely for the companionship only a woman can provide. I miss being married, (but not to my former wife....make no mistake). All the ladies I know are younger than I and show no interest in dating someone older than they are.
> Oh, there are woman closer to and older than my age that show interest but the commitments and obligations to family preclude the flexibility I am wanting from them.
> Besides, I would like to be a "dad" again. I feel that a single Mom would make the IDEAL candidate for my love, devotion and attention. What am I not seeing? Is this simply a pipe dream?
> Ladies, talk to me.:scratchhead:


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## FirstYearDown

Make sure that the younger women are not just after your money!


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## michzz

tzsetzse said:


> Besides, I would like to be a "dad" again. I feel that a single Mom would make the IDEAL candidate for my love, devotion and attention. What am I not seeing? Is this simply a pipe dream?
> Ladies, talk to me.:scratchhead:


Why at 58 do you want to have more children?

Let's do the math. Even if you find a willing woman of breeding age (realistically younger than 40), it is not likely that you will wed her (presumably) and get her pregnant in the next year. But let's say that you get this all done by the time you are 60 and you two have a baby.

In 20 years you will then be 80 years old. Your entire childrearing years will be in retirement. Your child (only 1?) will have a grandfather for a father. Do you not remember the amount of energy and cash it took to rear children?

Regardless of whatever else is motivating you in finding a woman to love, I believe your wish for children at age 58 is misguided and unfair to any child you may produce.

You can find love, but you have to recognize that just as you bring a lifetime of experiences and family obligations to the table, so will any woman.


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## tzsetzse

I'm not "looking" for any particular age group. I was merely pointing out that younger women don't appear to be attracted to a more mature man.

Regardless of how it may appear, I am not that shallow.


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## tzsetzse

I don't recall mentioning impregnating ANY women of ANY age.
Your reply is off the cuff, irresponsible and insulting


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## tzsetzse

Lived in the Metroplex of Dallas/Ft. Worth for 5 years. I fully recognize and understand your connotation.


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## Enchantment

tzsetzse said:


> Oh, there are woman closer to and older than my age that show interest but the commitments and *obligations to family preclude the flexibility I am wanting *from them.


What type of flexibility are you wanting? If you mean that you don't want the women to have familial entanglements with exes and kids, well a single mother will have those exact same things.

I think that a lot of times people tend to go for people who have the same values, same interests.

And Conrad is right. Appearing to be too needy will not be attractive to a woman of any age.

But, a man of any age who is confident, self-assured, a leader, and the master of his own destiny will be attractive to women of any age.


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## unbelievable

per person income in Honduras is about $850.00 a year. 25% live on less than $1 a day. Ho Hum in the U.S. looks like a dream come true in other places.


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## michzz

tzsetzse said:


> I don't recall mentioning impregnating ANY women of ANY age.
> Your reply is off the cuff, irresponsible and insulting


You wrote that you want to be a dad again. To get angry about my comments indicates to me that you have issues that finding a single mom may not resolve.

And if by being a dad again really means you want to just walk in and be a father to a single mom's kids, have you taken into account that they already have a father?

What about your own family?


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore

tzsetzse said:


> Besides, I would like to be a "dad" again.





tzsetzse said:


> I don't recall mentioning impregnating ANY women of ANY age.


Trying to interpret those statements and I’m slightly puzzled as well.



tzsetzse said:


> Oh, there are woman closer to and older than my age that show interest but the commitments and obligations to family preclude the flexibility I am wanting from them.





tzsetzse said:


> I feel that a single Mom would make the IDEAL candidate for my love, devotion and attention.


A single mom would understandably have obligations to her child which will more than likely impede or at the least complicate her ability to be flexible in a newly found relationship.


As far as a woman wanting to be in a relationship with an older man, I’m learning that is a preference which could very well be an unconscious one.  My ex-husband was 8 yrs my senior. Even in my pre-marriage years, the guys I would date tended to be older by a few years. Now post-divorce, the greatest age gap between myself and a gentleman I dated was 14yrs. We had a blast together!

I’ve tried to steer myself towards men who are closer to my own age bracket, especially since others are constantly commenting on how I appear much younger for my age. I just can’t seem to stop being drawn to those darn older guys. If they are relatively fit and sporting that salt and pepper hair style, I will usually notice them way before the much younger hot stud all the other women are drooling over. 

Oh ….. and incidentally the hair thing is a newer preference. My ex, whom I was attracted to throughout our entire marriage, began using hair clippers with no guard in his early 30’s because he chose not to fight the genetics he inherited. He was sporting the Vin Diesel look before it was even popular. These days the ex is closer to sporting the Jason Statham or maybe even Bruce Willis look. LOL!!!


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## Stonewall

I find nothing insulting or irresponsible in michzz comments. Actually exhibits quite a rational thought process.

What you get here is brutally honest opinions. Asking a question in here is like eating chicken. You eat the chicken but throw away the bones.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Stonewall said:


> I find nothing insulting or irresponsible in michzz comments. Actually exhibits quite a rational thought process.
> 
> What you get here is brutally honest opinions. Asking a question in here is like eating chicken. You eat the chicken but throw away the bones.


Word. If anything, his comment was HIGHLY responsible. 
I think what the OP meant though was not to father children himself at 58, rather met a younger woman with a child of her own that he could help parent. 
OP, is that what you are looking for because there are plenty of women that would love and older and probably a well established man to help them raise their child?


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## tzsetzse

if you always do what you've always done....you'll always get what you've always got.

So much for forums...."My God, it's full of bones!"


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## SunnyT

I think "younger" women with children are not looking for a grandpa to fall in love with. Not intentionally anyway. 

Find a grama. We get to visit with the kids, have them over on Sunday..... send them all home..... boink our brains out all over the house with no interruptions, and take off for the weekend! Perfect.


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## FirstYearDown

Enchantment said:


> What type of flexibility are you wanting? *If you mean that you don't want the women to have familial entanglements with exes and kids, well a single mother will have those exact same things*.
> 
> I think that a lot of times people tend to go for people who have the same values, same interests.
> 
> And Conrad is right. Appearing to be too needy will not be attractive to a woman of any age.
> 
> But, a man of any age who is confident, self-assured, a leader, and the master of his own destiny will be attractive to women of any age.


:iagree: This is exactly what I said.

The OP seems rather immature for his age, if he believes that single mothers have no family commitments.. He's also in a huff because he didn't read what he wanted. Looks like he has some growing up to do.


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## SimplyAmorous

Stonewall said:


> What you get here is brutally honest opinions


Here are my brutally honest thoughts....... I would not want an older man because his sex drive would *never *be able to keep up with mine, and that would kill all the FUN. Those younger guys & Me are more on the same page. Plus I do not find going bald very attractive (if that is even an issue) , I know it is not for all. My husband is near 50 & still has all his hair, I LOVE that & hope it remains. 

I want someone near my own age or within 8 yrs of mine, anything more I would feel like I was robbing the cradle & he'd be looking for some young Hottie to replace me as I aged (very humiliating) or I was looking for a sugar daddy, which Big $$ means very little to me . Looks accually mean more, so I am shallow in this way. 

Statistically there are MORE women than men.... statistically women care more about long term relationships instead of a roll in the hay.....statistically women care LESS about looks than men ~~~ so YOU clearly have the statistics on your side! Go for it. 

And if you have a nice bank account and flash that around some, you'll raise your statistics even higher of getting a younger woman.


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## Runs like Dog

Perhaps women your age aren't looking for a new family just a romantic or not so romantic pairing. I've got to say I'm a few years not too many, younger than you and I would eat a gun if I suddenly had more kids and a brand new family with all those demands and dynamics.


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## Stonewall

Runs like Dog said:


> Perhaps women your age aren't looking for a new family just a romantic or not so romantic pairing. I've got to say I'm a few years not too many, younger than you and I would eat a gun if I suddenly had more kids and a brand new family with all those demands and dynamics.


:iagree:

LOL!


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## Stonewall

Some folks are loath to learn from the hardships of others and thus doom themselves to learn the hard way. 

There is wisdom in many counselors.


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## michzz

Runs like Dog said:


> Perhaps women your age aren't looking for a new family just a romantic or not so romantic pairing. I've got to say I'm a few years not too many, younger than you and I would eat a gun if I suddenly had more kids and a brand new family with all those demands and dynamics.


I so second that!!!

:iagree:


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## that_girl

When I was 28, I dated a man who was 42. He was awesome. We dated for 3 years and got engaged! Then....reality hit. He was OLD. Not really physically, but mentally! Had we been married, he'd be almost 50 and I'm 35. Wow. I didn't more children, I just wanted someone to hang out with...he couldn't hang. Our sex life was slow too.

My husband is 28 lol. Much better.


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## FirstYearDown

My husband is in his late thirties, while I will be 30 in less than a year. 

When I see young women with men old enough to be their dad, I feel sad for them. I went through a phase like that in my life, because I was looking for someone to protect me the way my father never did.

My husband shows me all the advantages of being with an older man, with none of the pitfalls! He isn't controlling, boring or slow in bed. My husband respects my opinion and he has NEVER played the age card, like all the other older men I dated. He is old enough to have the sophistication and experience I like, but not so old that I feel parented and not loved.:smthumbup:

Quite often, when men seek a generational difference in age, it is because women who are their peers do not want them.


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## golfergirl

tzsetzse said:


> if you always do what you've always done....you'll always get what you've always got.
> 
> So much for forums...."My God, it's full of bones!"


Maybe it's not your age... Perhaps your attitude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma

You should re-evaluate my friend.
If this house isn't child free by the time I'm your age I'm creating a new identity and running to Costa Rica.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## krismimo

Ok Read this post had to respond! I'm a young woman looking for a father figure, and I don't know any better, I'm not smart enough and I want to be told what to do or I just settled. LOL ummm NOT!!!!!!! That is what I deal with all the time and honestly I just laugh it off. Let me explain..

My husband is almost 20 years older than me and it works for the both of us! I personally dont have anything aganist it but you always need to know the why in every relationship. Every person that said somethng negative even I was getting flash backs seeing some things that I read in here... but any hoo I feel as being a younger woman marrying a older husband it was actually more simple than most people may want to admit, I loved him for him nothing more nothing less. He is everything that I wanted in a person. Sure I dated and stayed in long term relationships with men my age, and it didn't work out. Unless your in a situation like this you have no clue of what it is truely like. I can't speak for other women but god I know I have to put my armor on bc people always want to assume the worst of you and are so judgemental. But on the flip side odd enough a lot of our mutual friends are married and they come to us with their problems a lot of people around us marriages are horrible and miserable and almost all of them married close to their age. 

One would think that we would have more problems between the two of us than them and we don't. Besides I love how people love to put their two scents on something they have no clue about and are completely wrong about it. Looking at our marriage and others I'm truly humbled because marriage is so fragile all it takes is one small thing and boom it might be in shambles. But everyone has problems the only thing that seperates us as a whole is our problems. Like my boss told me once, rich or poor, no matter what race, religion, background you have everyone has there own s*** to worry about their own problems to try to overcome. 

What I'm saying is I married my husband for him and no matter who your with your going to have great things together and bad things together. No matter the age as long as your happy and she is happy and you and have constant communication with each other then you should be fine. As long your with the person for the right reasons you should be ok, relationships and marriages are tough as it is, trust me I know! But you know what everyone knows we love each other and it's a honor to think that others think our marriage is almost perfect, and i say of course not but were happy and we work things out as a team and we make a awesome team. I hope you find what your looking for and also know that there are women out there attracted to older men. But just also remember that they like you for you. Good Luck!:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous

Krismimo, I don't know your age but hormonally, they say an older man AND a younger woman is a GREAT MATCH IN bed, because women's sex drives generally are lower in thier 20's...and men's are slowing down as they get older. 

But when you hit your late 30's -early 40's and it get turned up (if it does, doesn't for everyone) , his being 60ish may be a REAL REAL problem , you'll be wishing you had a 20 yr old! Thank God for Viagra, it might be the only thing that saves you. 

Seriously, one of my hormone books explains this very nicely, I think the experts know - Amazon.com: The Alchemy of Love and Lust (9780671004446): Theresa L. Crenshaw: Books

But TRUE, Love *should *be able to conquer all, we can't be led strictly by our hormones. Though that is a darn tough one when you are in that HIGH DRIVE stage.


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## AFEH

Some say the ideal age of a woman for a man is half his age plus seven! I’m 62 so that makes it 38 or thereabouts. Take a man of 30, it will be 22 for the woman. Kind of makes sense as women normally emotionally mature at a younger age than men. My son is 38 and his SO of 5 years is 25. He’s been married before for three years, has lots of life experiences, they go really very well together.

But after being with my woman for 42 years and now separated for 2 I’m enjoying the time by myself. I’m kind of finding or discovering myself. My attitude is there’s a woman there for me and she’ll appear when I’m ready for her. Age wont matter much to me. Personality, her way of life and what she wants to do with her life will.


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## krismimo

Oh No worries in the sex department he is a tiger rawrrr like I said you have to know what your getting into I mean I know some guys in there 40' and 50s that would give a 20 yr old a run for their money, like with everything else you have to look at every situation take it as it is one by one.


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## SimplyAmorous

krismimo said:


> Oh No worries in the sex department he is a tiger rawrrr like I said you have to know what your getting into I mean I know some guys in there 40' and 50s that would give a 20 yr old a run for their money, like with everything else you have to look at every situation take it as it is one by one.


Yeah but how old are you and he RIGHT NOW? If he is in his 60's and you are in your 40's and this is your reply, I am IMPRESSED....

..... but if you are in your 20's and he is in his 40's, this sounds normal to me. Lots of High Drive men still in their 40's. 

I am sure some men in thier 50's are more high drive than my own husband was in his mid 40's, so true what you say, he is a lower test guy on that scale for his own age . (I had him tested when he couldn't keep up with me). Him at 60 would never in the world work for me in my 40's. Oh my NO! I am happy he is only 3 yrs older, I WISH he was a little younger infact. I have always had more "energy" and pep than him, even when we were first married & both working. 

But he keep us pretty good, I am not complaining. At the end of the day, it is all about what "works" for us. 

No judgement here.


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## FirstYearDown

tacoma said:


> You should re-evaluate my friend.
> If this house isn't child free by the time I'm your age I'm creating a new identity and running to Costa Rica.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




I have often read that a couple's happiness decreases after the birth of each child and spikes once the kids are gone. Yet another reason for me to skip motherhood.


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## krismimo

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: about the same ages here white rabbit and what ever works just works


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## HappyAtLast

That's a surprise to me..the woman my H had an EA with is young enough to be his daughter...


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## Zzyzx

Regarding older men's libidos, it varies quite a bit. IMO, the biggest factor is has the older guy been eating right, working out and drinking in moderation? If yes and he has no weight problems, his libido can stay pretty good all the way into his 60's easily.

I'm in my early 50's and my libido is almost as strong as it was 20 years ago. Also I have a friend in his early 60's whose libido is as strong as mine. For all the talk of older women with higher libidos, we are finding that most women our ages are simply *not* interested in keeping up with us. Maybe that's why they left their husbands behind. But as I said, it varies among men: one of my best friends is 4 years younger than me and has had to use Viagra for the last 5 years to keep up with his wife's sex drive (she is 3 years younger). He has always had to fight weight problems and loves his fried foods. I keep telling him you want to have libido like mine, you got to fix your diet and cut back on your drinking.

So yes, I will not look at women close to my age or older, I'm looking for younger women though I think 20 years is probably taking that too far. If it works for others, great. I do recognize the age gap pitfalls, this has to be negotiated well for this kind of relationship to work.


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## AFEH

I think it all “just depends”. Seems to me if you can get drives that more or less match then you’re onto a winner whatever the ages are.


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## AFEH

WhiteRabbit said:


> wanting to be with a younger woman with young children..hmmm...
> kind of odd to me but hey to each his own i suppose.
> 
> I'm 29. my husband is going to be 48 in a few weeks. we were always compatible in the drive department (other than medical issues on my end of things later on)...i love older men. i cannot even conceive being with a man my age,i've tried in the past...it doesn't work for me.
> 
> h: the drive of an 18yr old teenaged boy, the experience of a 47 yr old man, the body of sexy 38 yr old, chest hair and all...
> 
> he's the best of all the ages...well...other than the fact that he has the emotional maturity of a 22yr old.


Ha! As old as 22, you're doing well.


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## SimplyAmorous

Zzyzx said:


> Regarding older men's libidos, it varies quite a bit. IMO, the biggest factor is has the older guy been eating right, working out and drinking in moderation? If yes and he has no weight problems, his libido can stay pretty good all the way into his 60's easily.


I Hope my husband will be able to stay good into his 60's. All I can think is -thank God for Viagra! 

I do want to point out however, one does not have to be overweight & eating poorly to be a "lower" test man (but within normal range). When my husband was tested at age 45 , the Encronologist scared the daylights out of me telling me his results (ranging from 323 - 503 over 9 mornings ) were consistent to a man in HIS 60'! Men in their 40's normal is generally 500-600 range she said. 

She even made a comment he that he will likely NEED Test treatment in the future. She had me ALL WORKED UP with that damn comment -until I read that SOME men are just lower TEST all of their lives, never those raging studs that can't keep it in their pants, and for them those lower #'s are fine, they even work better than a higher test guy who fell hundreds of points on that Test scale. .... I firmly believe my husband falls into that catagory. He also was never the aggressive type either. 

He has NEVER been a drinker, the most would be 2 beers a week, has never weighed over 170 lbs in his life (right now at 150) , his manual labor job gives him plenty of exercise, and he sometimes complains I feed him cardboard cause I am trying to watch his HEALTH- obviously not his weight (he has high cholesterol & some relatives on his dad's side come down with 
Type 2 Diabetes - so I want to ward that off as much as possible)

He RARELY eats sweets, only at parties junk food/chips, Fast food is also rare, eats salads every day with olive oil dressing, almonds, fruits every day. AND still he does not have what I would call a *RAGING *libido. Believe me, If anyone has tried -it has been ME. I even got this book so he could do specific exercises to raise it to meet up with mine, he kept at this for a few months, didnt seem to make any difference. He built a little bit of muscle that was all. Didn't turn him into a major lusting horn dog. Amazon.com: Built for Sex: The Complete Fitness and Nutrition Program for Maximum Performance (9781579549787): Scott Hays: Books

Oh I can get him going, but it is usually on the rarer side outside of morning for him to be HARD and ready. But then again, he gets a release nearly every day, so this likely takes the edge off too. When he was younger, he told me he easily could have done it 3-4 times a day, he wacked it that much. I missed that.  It ain't comin' back.


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## FirstYearDown

I have tried dating younger men in the past and it never worked out for me. I had no patience for little boys who lived with mommy and only wanted to get drunk, as well as attend clubs.

If WR and Krismimo are happy with their much older men, then I am happy for them. :smthumbup: I have been to bed with older dudes that tired ME out, so Krismimo is right when she mentions that some older men can give a young girl a run for her money.

Even though there is less than ten years between my husband and I, I still get people commenting on how "old" he looks and asking his age. It used to bother me a lot, but now I realize that as long as I find my husband sexy, that is all that matters.

Hubby's gorgeous blue eyes left me speechless the other day, while he whispered to me in bed and I turned to look at my dear "old" man. 

I think it's an ego boost, for an older man to score a younger wife.


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## Conrad

Don't underestimate the effect of chemistry on this either.

My wife looked at me on our last vacation and said - without prompting - "Your ideal situation would be early AM, between lunch and dinner, and at bedtime.

I looked at her sweetly and said, "you are correct".

Wasn't that way with anyone else.


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## RandomDude

My first impression on this thread was like "WTF?! What kind of question is this? This is like asking why ISN'T the sky blue! Of course women like older men!!!"

Anyways I don't think it's your age that is a problem. My own old man is a DIRTY OLD MAN, very young girls for the taking, and he knows how to manipulate them. Dirty dirty dirty!


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## Jellybeans

Some women do like older men just as there are men who like younger women.

I would not want to date anyoneway older than me though. I imagine someone 20 years older and I wouldn't have a lot in common. Plus I've never been men who are as old as my father. Just..no. It's creepy to me.


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## LovesHerMan

I think the problem is that he is looking for a specific age in a lover. Why not just look for someone compatible with you? There was a post here a while ago from a woman who was 51. Her 71 year old husband had disengaged from the marriage: no affection, no sex (probably was not able to), did not want to do things together. She said she wished she had listened to the warnings when she married him that there would come a day when the gap in their ages would become a problem.

You have to realize that it might work for a while, but as you move through the different stages of life, you may not be in sync with each other.


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## SimplyAmorous

Conrad said:


> Don't underestimate the effect of chemistry on this either.
> 
> My wife looked at me on our last vacation and said - without prompting - "Your ideal situation would be early AM, between lunch and dinner, and at bedtime.
> 
> I looked at her sweetly and said, "you are correct".
> 
> Wasn't that way with anyone else.


And it is all related to those Testosterone levels Conrad. Definitely a prominant role there. HIGH test men have no clue - it is foreign to them that others aren't "itching" the same way - bring those numbers down to my husbands levels & see if you could still do that. Naaahhhhh, and if you say you could, well, lots of things are easy to say. 

Chemistry is high flowing here too - but he could NEVER do what you do, and it sure ain't for not desiring too. This I do know.


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## ladybird

My husband is 10 years older then i am... I was 18 when i met him.


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## TwoDogs

SimplyAmorous said:


> Here are my brutally honest thoughts....... I would not want an older man because his sex drive would *never *be able to keep up with mine, and that would kill all the FUN.


:iagree:

In the past I was involved with men who were 8 and 11 years older than me, and our libidos were definitely mismatched. It did cause problems for us, as did our activity levels. I was more into physical fitness and they were just too sedentary.

I realize these characterisistics vary individually but my odds of finding someone more compatible with me just seemed to be better with younger or close-in-age men. I'm 48 now and wouldn't be too eager to date a 58 year old.


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## Jellybeans

TwoDogs said:


> :iagree:
> 
> In the past I was involved with men who were 8 and 11 years older than me, and our libidos were definitely mismatched. It did cause problems for us, as did our activity levels. I was more into physical fitness and *they were just too sedentary.*




This is interesting to me. I wouldn't think that would be the issue! LOL. The oldest I've dated was 5 yrs and that was my first boyf. My exH is 4 years older than me.

By the same token, there are young people who are lazy as heck!


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## Halien

TwoDogs said:


> :iagree:
> 
> In the past I was involved with men who were 8 and 11 years older than me, and our libidos were definitely mismatched. It did cause problems for us, as did our activity levels. I was more into physical fitness and they were just too sedentary.


That's interesting, and I'm not at all doubting you, but my brother, divorced, said that on many of the dating sites, men try to claim that they are looking for younger women because middle aged women are so sedentary. I said, "Look around. Everybody is." I suspect that it is some sort of internal rationalization some men go through to justify an interest in women who are young enough to be their daughter.

My brother's ex was ten years older, but he still runs marathons at 50. Still, his age preference is +/- four or five years, which he says is very different than many men his age.


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## Runs like Dog

Date a middle schooler than. Ok so he's one and done. But 15x a day's got to count for something.


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## OhGeesh

Halien said:


> That's interesting, and I'm not at all doubting you, but my brother, divorced, said that on many of the dating sites, men try to claim that they are looking for younger women because middle aged women are so sedentary. I said, "Look around. Everybody is." I suspect that it is some sort of internal rationalization some men go through to justify an interest in women who are young enough to be their daughter.
> 
> My brother's ex was ten years older, but he still runs marathons at 50. Still, his age preference is +/- four or five years, which he says is very different than many men his age.


Most of my coworkers are 40-55yr old men and besides the random "She's hot!!" or "I wouldn't kick her out of bed" comments none of the single or recently divorced guys are looking for women half of their age.

I would say most are looking for women 5-10yrs their junior though I'm not sure if that's what the OP is alluding to or if he is looking for even a bigger age gap?


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## Catherine602

I think Rd comment about manipulation of younger women by older men is apropo. My observation is that most, not all younger women who get involved with older men are manipulated in some way. The older man seems to use money, vacations, a show of saphitication to make themselves attractive. From what I have observed they seem to spend elaborate amount of money on the woman early in the relationship, more than is usual. I think some younger women get involved for the things rather than the person. 

I know of two women in their late 20s who got involved with older men and the issue of control was a problem. They were at different stages in life, the older man was ready to settle into married life right away and had socialized with older friends. The money sealed to lose it's appeal after a year or two and both women reloads the future would be rather bleak. 

Nothing wrong with the men but the disparate generations were problems. I think the men were not happy because I think they wanted the women to look young for their egos but to act old to fit into their lives. Didn't really seem to be based on love and shared values. Also the women would talk about the widening gap as they got older. Men have health issues in their 50s and 60s and the women were concerned about being nurse maid at an age when they should still be having fun. 

For young women a man nearing 60 would be rather worrysome. The issue of aging, illness and deth are real after 60. Retirement is usually the goal. men do slow down and become much more settled at that age. A 60 year old man looking for a 35 year old seems to be a stretch to me. When she is 45 he is nearing 70, think of that. 

What comonalities would two people at those ages have? She would still need the things any 45 yo women would want that you would be highly unlikey to be able to provide. The gulf will not make you feel like you are 45 but older in contrast.

Why not be happy with what you have and enjoy your stage in life. You had your turn at bat, so to speak, why resist what should be a time of consolidation and giving to younger people. That should make aging a time of joy because you get to see the fruits of all your labors and get to guide younger people to avoid pitfalls. I think you may be looking for someone to make you feel young again where it would be better to look for someone with shared values and interest, no matter what the age. Being loved and in love would probably make you feel youthful and alive which is what you really want. 

Looking for a specific age may make you overlook important attributes that would make love possible. Although you should really should find no problems finding a woman with children who would have you but it may be for financial stability. I am certain that you would feel more loney in a relationship where you are needed for finances and not deep passion and love. The problem may be attitude. .

OP if you are still reading don't be insulted by the responses, they were not meant to discourage you. You received really good advice. The odds are in your favor but you have to think more about what you want. You seem to want what is not available - a family with a woman who is not involved with family. What you really want is a woman who is smart enough to give the man she loves priority in her life. 

Look for someone who can love you and give you that priority. A young women with kids will be more likely to prioritize her kids if she marries a man because he offers them financial security. You may actually end up being last in line for her time and company especially when it comes to sex. After you committ, the incentive to have sex may be zero if there is no love on her part or physical attraction. I am certain that would be very frustrating since one of the reasons older men want younger women is for sex. 

My views of older men for relationships are biased in the negative therefore, take what I say with that in mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mdas

You are not right. It vary woman to woman. There are so many women who love olders. Visit GETALIFEPARTNER - Faq and search your lifepartner.


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## SimplyAmorous

We all speak out of our own experiences, and that is what the OP wanted, our opionions, it does give him alot to think about, I agree with Catherine with her warning here >>>


Catherine602 said:


> Look for someone who can love you and give you that priority. A young women with kids will be more likely to prioritize her kids if she marries a man because he offers them financial security. You may actually end up being last in line for her time and company especially when it comes to sex. After you committ, the incentive to have sex may be zero if there is no love on her part or physical attraction. I am certain that would be very frustrating since one of the reasons older men want younger women is for sex.



See for me personally, I am shallow and a man too much older than me would not be attractive to me, no matter how well we got along. If I even dared go there - it would be about the $$ -- I will say that outright. But I also know I would never do it cause I know I would NOT be happy & it would NOT be fair to him either. But that is ME, I don't speak for anyone else. 

I would personally take on old beaten shack with someone I was highly attracted too over the temptation of an easy carefree lifestyle. One could say I did that when I married my man. He only worked in a lowly Grocery Store back then. And if anyone needed to find a better life, I was a nice candidate cause I hated living at home, left at 18 & was living in a camper for a time in someone's back yard. I could have used a nicer lifestyle. 

I had 2 older "well to do" men attempt to pull me away from my boyfriend before I married , I'll leave out their professions, one of them even hired me having zero skills to be his personal Secretary for a time- he made some overt attempts to woo me but got nowhere. He would even make comments about my boyfriends job & how I deserved better. I defended our relationship always. I enjoyed the extra job on the side & his personality though, we had alot of laughs, serious talks too. He was the 1st prominent person "with status" that made me feel I had some potential - he really wanted to see me go to College- for his profession, but I never did. 

We DID get along famously, I think I was a little naive back then of his intentions. But still great times communicatively, he will always be in my heart somewhat. He always respected me though, I will give him that. But still, the age difference was a total killer for me. Now, had he been my age....hmmmmmm definitely a chance I might have chosen him over my boyfriend, we got along that well. 

He had a gorgeous son too - Could have been some real temptation there, but he had a girlfriend & no interest in me.


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## Runs like Dog

I can't imagine having anything relevant to say to a 35 year old for any extended period of time. But I'm jaded.


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## FirstYearDown

I'd be lying if I did not admit, that part of my attraction to older men IS financial stability. I never needed a rich old man; I dated those and they were usually pompous fools. However, a 20 something boy who lived with mommy, had no car and no money was just not good enough when I was single. I'm not overly ashamed of it, because older men use young women as attractive trophies and fountains of youth. Seems like a fair trade to me. 

When the age difference is a generation, there are often *severe *power issues. Some older men want women young enough to be their daughters, so that they can parent them instead of being partners. 

My husband never plays the age card, because he knows that if he did, I would be out the door. I have had too much of that.


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## CupcakeKitty

That sounds crazy to me! I am only 33 but I would be attracted to an older man (have been in the past) because I feel like they don't play as many games as men my age, they are more likely to have their lives together, etc. I don't know, I guess different women look for different things but if I was ever single again I can guarantee I would be looking to date a man older than me.

PS: and I am not saying that because of some assumption that an older man would have greater financial stability. I am a professional, very well-educated, and mature for 33. I think the company of a man older than me would definately be appreciated.


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## FirstYearDown

Cupcake, my husband is nearly ten years my senior.  

He exemplifies an *evolved *older man, who is secure enough in himself not to play games.

Other older men I was with tried to play me like a puppet.

They only wanted to have fun with a younger woman and then get serious with a more "suitable" partner in their age group. I also noticed that they had an air of superiority, just because of their age. Once I became less naive, I was able to spot these predators before they did too much damage.

I was able to build a career for myself, until the recession changed the industry. I will be returning to college to obtain new skills. I may not NEED my husband's money, but having it is still nice. 

For example, a woman who is a nurse can certainly look after herself. If she marries a man that is a doctor, you think that she wouldn't appreciate the extra perks?:rofl: Who wouldn't want someone to make their life easier?

I met a single mom who constantly tried to make me feel bad, for having a husband who dotes on me. She called me a "lackadaisical lady of leisure" and loved to talk about how well she could take care of herself, yet the fool loved to try on my engagement ring. She was clearly just jealous.


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## Catherine602

mdas said:


> You are not right. It vary woman to woman. There are so many women who love olders. Visit GETALIFEPARTNER - Faq and search your lifepartner.


How many men do you think actually meet younger women on these sites? The competition must be fierce, each young woman must get 100s of responses. I'll bet if you are not wealthy and willing to spend lavishly, you will not make the cut. It is flattering to think that there are young women actually looking for older men but I think there are very few compared to the number of older men looking for younger women. 

. My social group includes some young single women and none of them, except the two I mentioned, date older man. The number of older men hitting on them is a running joke. if they wanted they could have their pick of any one of them but it would be a backup plan. Most think being in such a relationship makes them look as if they cant get a man their own age. 

There is nothing wrong with older men but they cannot offer what a younger man can at their stage in life. Missing out on a relationship with a young man is a mistake in my view. It is one of life experiences that make it possible to love a man as he ages. 

The two women I knew did not bring their older bf around friends because of the WTF is she doing with him factor. It may be common for movie stars but not in real life. The women who do it, select rich guys who pay their car note, rent, and give them a credit card. 

If they did not provide these things I doubt that there would be a relationship. The two women I knew were disappointed at how insecure the men were after winning their prize. That made them less attractive in the relationship because they were not as confident as outward appearences would indicate. 

Sex was also a problem for both. I think the insecurity effected their performance. They ended up wanting younger men and swore off older guys no matter what resources they dangled.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## amanda s.

Some women prefer older men because of stability & maturity, some women prefer men their age because they tend to have more of the same interests, & some women prefer younger men because it gives them a sense of freedom & youth...

You just have to find the right woman for you though.

You are wanting to date a single mother so you can be a "Dad"... do you have children of your own? If not then I understand your need to parent, it's only natural but you certainly need to be careful & watch your wallet because you might get taken advantage of. NOT SAYING all women or single mothers are like this BUT there are a certain few who will take you as an easy ride & jump on. You seem to focus on the single mother group & maybe this is your mistake... You are excluding many women that may be better suited for you. Also understand, children of single mothers already have fathers, you may not be well accepted by their children either...


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## FirstYearDown

amanda s. said:


> Some women prefer older men because of stability & maturity, some women prefer men their age because they tend to have more of the same interests, & some women prefer younger men because it gives them a sense of freedom & youth...
> 
> You just have to find the right woman for you though.
> 
> You are wanting to date a single mother so you can be a "Dad"... do you have children of your own? If not then I understand your need to parent, it's only natural but you certainly need to *be careful & watch your wallet because you might get taken advantage of. NOT SAYING all women or single mothers are like this BUT there are a certain few who will take you as an easy ride & jump on.* You seem to focus on the single mother group & maybe this is your mistake... You are excluding many women that may be better suited for you. *Also understand, children of single mothers already have fathers, you may not be well accepted by their children either*...


Hit two nails on the head! :smthumbup:


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## OhGeesh

Catherine602 said:


> How many men do you think actually meet younger women on these sites? The competition must be fierce, each young woman must get 100s of responses. I'll bet if you are not wealthy and willing to spend lavishly, you will not make the cut. It is flattering to think that there are young women actually looking for older men but I think there are very few compared to the number of older men looking for younger women.
> 
> . My social group includes some young single women and none of them, except the two I mentioned, date older man. The number of older men hitting on them is a running joke. if they wanted they could have their pick of any one of them but it would be a backup plan. Most think being in such a relationship makes them look as if they cant get a man their own age.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with older men but they cannot offer what a younger man can at their stage in life. Missing out on a relationship with a young man is a mistake in my view. It is one of life experiences that make it possible to love a man as he ages.
> 
> The two women I knew did not bring their older bf around friends because of the WTF is she doing with him factor. It may be common for movie stars but not in real life. The women who do it, select rich guys who pay their car note, rent, and give them a credit card.
> 
> If they did not provide these things I doubt that there would be a relationship. The two women I knew were disappointed at how insecure the men were after winning their prize. That made them less attractive in the relationship because they were not as confident as outward appearences would indicate.
> 
> Sex was also a problem for both. I think the insecurity effected their performance. They ended up wanting younger men and swore off older guys no matter what resources they dangled.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How much older are you talking about? 20 years or something?

10 years makes no difference as long the person is past their party years!! Imo you start pushing more than that especially getting closer to 15-20 years then some "issues" arise.


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## SimplyAmorous

For me personally, anything over 10 years is TOO much , whether younger or Older - when I did my posts I was referring more to the 15 - 20 yr marks.


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## twistedcat

They say you can't find what you believe isn't there. 

This being said... A LOT of women like older men. A lot... But at a certain point they turn around and want younger men. Mid life crisis, they're getting too old to be old... I don't know. I'm only 20. I can't give reasoning.

However there are a lot. I like older men. Age is just a number and if I'm attracted to him that's it. I've been with people 30 years my senior and I always find a deeper connection with them.

Just don't give up hope and stay positive.


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## Jellybeans

This thread title is funny to me. Look around. So many women do like older men, just as older men like younger woman. It's not exactly a new concept.


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## TwoDogs

Halien said:


> That's interesting, and I'm not at all doubting you, but my brother, divorced, said that on many of the dating sites, men try to claim that they are looking for younger women because middle aged women are so sedentary. I said, "Look around. Everybody is." I suspect that it is some sort of internal rationalization some men go through to justify an interest in women who are young enough to be their daughter.


I was in my late 20's and 30's so these guys were respectively late 30's and late 40's.... and neither of them would even come walk the dogs with me!

When I dated 8 yrs younger, we went hiking every weekend and did hiking vacations.

Current SO is close to my age and professes willingness to go walking with me, but has been telling me for the past 3 yrs that he needs to buy the "right" shoes first. 

I hear the same thing from my girlfriends. Some of them are running marathons; none of the hubbies are. We're all doing physical activities with one another while our menfolk stay home on the couch.


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## FirstYearDown

I am the couch potato in our marriage. My husband was a marathon runner before we met and he still runs for nearly two hours 3-5 times a week. Strangely, he still gained weight and a married belly over our first year. 

I will be 30 next spring and he is pushing 40.


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## CandieGirl

I have always had older men in my life, from 23 years older, to current, 7.5 years older...and anywhere in between! As I got older, the age gap narrowed more and more. I'm happy it did, because if I'd stayed with Mr. 23-Years-Older, he would now be approaching senior citizen age...Somehow, I don't know if that would have worked.


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## FirstYearDown

We have the perfect age difference with our hubbies, CandieGirl. Old enough to have the maturity, but not so old that it looks like we are with our fathers in public.


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## Onyxena

I love older men! My husband is 16 years older. Overall this has not been much of an issue. There are considerations of course, related to aging, but if you truly love each other your relationship can evolve as you both add on years. I am much more attracted to men in their 40s and up! Not elderly, but experienced, confident, secure, men look great no matter what their age! Most actors and musician I am attracted to are older guys. I do enjoy looking at younger fit men at times, but really am happy wiht my older gentleman.
He is in a high position in his work, dresses well, earns excellent income, treats me very well, is an excellent father to our daughter, always honest and accountable, is liked and respected by everyone. He is very intelligent, speaks well. The way he carries himself really appeals to me. He stays cool in all situations and can handle pretty much anything. He does all this easily, naturally. Not at all ****y or egotistical. Being with him makes me feel special and like I have earned his respect and love. Plus I do like feeling a bit spoiled....But our marriage is not about him spoiling me at all. NOT a sugar daddy situation. We both do enjoy what he provides together. We are close as friends. I have yet to meet a younger man who can carry himself in such manner!


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## FirstYearDown

Onyxena said:


> I love older men! My husband is 16 years older. Overall this has not been much of an issue. There are considerations of course, related to aging, but if you truly love each other your relationship can evolve as you both add on years. I am much more attracted to men in their 40s and up! Not elderly, but experienced, confident, secure, men look great no matter what their age! Most actors and musician I am attracted to are older guys. I do enjoy looking at younger fit men at times, but really am happy wiht my older gentleman.
> 
> He is in a high position in his work, dresses well, earns excellent income, treats me very well, is an excellent father to our daughter, always honest and accountable, is liked and respected by everyone. He is very intelligent, speaks well. The way he carries himself really appeals to me. He stays cool in all situations and can handle pretty much anything. He does all this easily, naturally. Not at all ****y or egotistical. Being with him makes me feel special and like I have earned his respect and love. Plus I do like feeling a bit spoiled....But our marriage is not about him spoiling me at all. NOT a sugar daddy situation. We both do enjoy what he provides together. We are close as friends. I have yet to meet a younger man who can carry himself in such manner!


Sounds a lot like my husband! :smthumbup: Older guys are great.

I am rather spoiled myself. I only work because I want to and some other women are jealous of how well my husband looks after me. 

I used to be friends with a lonely and hateful woman. She was a single mom, with a HIDEOUS babydaddy who left her. She often made nasty comments about how I was a "lady of leisure" and called my husband a "*******". She makes me laugh when she talks smack, because she turns an ugly shade of envious green. :rofl: Eat your heart out, b****h!


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## collegeguy1

older men and women are less attractive imo that's juust me an 18 year old guy here.


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## Entropy3000

collegeguy1 said:


> older men and women are less attractive imo that's juust me an 18 year old guy here.


And 18 year olds look like little children to me.

There is a great thing about being 18. Your are no longer 17. At 17 you know everything there is to know. At 18 you have a year of experience to begin to recover from that condition. It takes time. The more you learn the less you know. It is cathartic. You learn what real attraction is over time once you actually have a basis for understanding. Being 25 is way way more sexy than being 18 for example.


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## AFEH

Why would an older man want a really younger woman?


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## chattycathy

Conversely, why do most men not want an older woman?

Face it, once either a man or woman is in their 50's they loose lots and lots of value on the dating market/circuit.

Some people are interested but many many in the pool are not.


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## sacredfire222

In the are where I live, the older men, if they have the means, go to poor countries to find young females. It is very much a status thing for a man to have a daughter or granddaughter age wife, and make babies in his late 50s, 60s and 70s. If the wife is younger she can do the running around, earning money, caring for the child and caring for her elder husband. That's why they want a YOUNG one because there is less miles on her engine.

When a man has a wife the age of his kids, he feels pretty good about himself. When the woman giving him eldercare is still hot, he feels really good about himself. Men lose status when the women they are partnered with are as old and worn out as they are.

He can impart everything the child needs to know while he's in his 80s. 


Word. If anything, his comment was HIGHLY responsible. 
I think what the OP meant though was not to father children himself at 58, rather met a younger woman with a child of her own that he could help parent. 
OP, is that what you are looking for because there are plenty of women that would love and older and probably a well established man to help them raise their child?


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## NextTimeAround

HappyAtLast said:


> That's a surprise to me..the woman my H had an EA with is young enough to be his daughter...


A lot of women like being on the receiving end of an EA. It means that they get a lot of attention without having "to put out."


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## FeministInPink

I know this thread is... really old... but I want to chime in anyway.

I am 36. Since my divorce, I've started the whole online dating thing, and I've received a number of messages from men in their late 40s and into their 50s. They seem like great guys, but I'm just not interested. At all. I'm interested in dating someone my own age, or within a few years.

There are a couple reasons for this. I'm looking for someone who is at the same stage of life that I am, so that we can have our experiences together. I don't want to be with somebody who's already "been there, done that."

I'm always thinking about the long-term. So I want someone near my age so we will retire around the same time, and so we can enjoy our retirement TOGETHER. The average male life expectancy in the US is 76; the average female life expectancy in the US is 81. So, if I marry a man 10-12 yrs my senior, how much of MY retirements will we get to enjoy? I'm going to guess not much. I don't want to spend my twilight years playing nursemaid, or not get to do any traveling because my partner's health is getting poor. Don't get me wrong--I have no problem with the sickness in the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, and I will be there for my partner, no matter what happens. But I'm not going to set myself up in a situation that is almost guaranteed to compromise my quality of life in my early retirement. And it's a little unfair, isn't it, that he gets to enjoy having a younger wife during his retirement and fully experience those years, while MY retirement will likely be very limited due to my partner's health issues? I know that won't necessarily happen, but there's a good chance that it will. And if I marry someone who is 10 years my senior, that means that I will probably be widowed 10 years earlier than if I had married someone my own age.

So, what it comes down to is this: I want to maximize the amount of time and the QUALITY of time that I have with my partner. In order to do so, I need to be with someone my own age, or up to 5 years younger.

There are some other lesser things... I think I would better connect with someone my age. My XH was 6 years my senior; he was very clearly Gen X while I am not. We didn't always get one another's references; I want someone who gets my references.


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## lifeistooshort

FeministInPink said:


> I know this thread is... really old... but I want to chime in anyway.
> 
> I am 36. Since my divorce, I've started the whole online dating thing, and I've received a number of messages from men in their late 40s and into their 50s. They seem like great guys, but I'm just not interested. At all. I'm interested in dating someone my own age, or within a few years.
> 
> There are a couple reasons for this. I'm looking for someone who is at the same stage of life that I am, so that we can have our experiences together. I don't want to be with somebody who's already "been there, done that."
> 
> I'm always thinking about the long-term. So I want someone near my age so we will retire around the same time, and so we can enjoy our retirement TOGETHER. The average male life expectancy in the US is 76; the average female life expectancy in the US is 81. So, if I marry a man 10-12 yrs my senior, how much of MY retirements will we get to enjoy? I'm going to guess not much. I don't want to spend my twilight years playing nursemaid, or not get to do any traveling because my partner's health is getting poor. Don't get me wrong--I have no problem with the sickness in the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, and I will be there for my partner, no matter what happens. But I'm not going to set myself up in a situation that is almost guaranteed to compromise my quality of life in my early retirement. And it's a little unfair, isn't it, that he gets to enjoy having a younger wife during his retirement and fully experience those years, while MY retirement will likely be very limited due to my partner's health issues? I know that won't necessarily happen, but there's a good chance that it will. And if I marry someone who is 10 years my senior, that means that I will probably be widowed 10 years earlier than if I had married someone my own age.
> 
> So, what it comes down to is this: I want to maximize the amount of time and the QUALITY of time that I have with my partner. In order to do so, I need to be with someone my own age, or up to 5 years younger.
> 
> There are some other lesser things... I think I would better connect with someone my age. My XH was 6 years my senior; he was very clearly Gen X while I am not. We didn't always get one another's references; I want someone who gets my references.



Those are interesting points you make. I am 41 and hb is 60 and I've had the same thoughts you speak of. That is definitely a downside, thought my fil is 87 and still golfing a few times a week and doing his thing with his 70 something year old wife. So maybe hb will be like that, and if he hadn't been in excellent shape with a focus on health I wouldn't be here. 

Even though I am in such a relationship I find the inherent hypocrisy of these guys funny. They want what they can't give. .... they want younger people to be open to someone older but they aren't even open to their own age let alone older. And most of them aren't as good as they think they are, some might have a few dollars but otherwise they aren't as great of a catch as they think they are.

And the ones who b!tch about women their own age having baggage are the most priceless of all.....as they typically have me baggage and bitterness than anyone. 

My hb is a great guy, takes great care of himself, and we connected personally. But if I'd seen his online profile looking for someone my age? Please, I'd have laughed my arse off. I mean, he looks fabulous but nobody looks as good as someone half their age, all physical this being equal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski

lifeistooshort said:


> Those are interesting points you make. I am 41 and hb is 60 and I've had the same thoughts you speak of. That is definitely a downside, thought my fil is 87 and still golfing a few times a week and doing his thing with his 70 something year old wife. So maybe hb will be like that, and if he hadn't been in excellent shape with a focus on health I wouldn't be here.
> 
> Even though I am in such a relationship *I find the inherent hypocrisy of these guys funny. They want what they can't give. .... they want younger people to be open to someone older but they aren't even open to their own age let alone older.* And most of them aren't as good as they think they are, some might have a few dollars but otherwise they aren't as great of a catch as they think they are.
> 
> And the ones who b!tch about women their own age having baggage are the most priceless of all.....as they typically have me baggage and bitterness than anyone.
> 
> My hb is a great guy, takes great care of himself, and we connected personally. But if I'd seen his online profile looking for someone my age? Please, I'd have laughed my arse off. I mean, he looks fabulous but nobody looks as good as someone half their age, all physical this being equal.


I had the same thought (in bold) upon reading the OP of this thread.


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## lifeistooshort

GusPolinski said:


> I had the same thought (in bold) upon reading the OP of this thread.


Well great minds do think alike 

It's like an obese person b!tching that only obese people are interested. Why can't they have the gym rat they want?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski

lifeistooshort said:


> Well great minds do think alike
> 
> It's like an obese person b!tching that only obese people are interested. Why can't they have the gym rat they want?


Wait... you mean my baby blues, epic beard, and stunning personality aren't enough to land me a date w/ Jen Selter?

Damn.


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## FeministInPink

lifeistooshort said:


> Those are interesting points you make. I am 41 and hb is 60 and I've had the same thoughts you speak of. That is definitely a downside, thought my fil is 87 and still golfing a few times a week and doing his thing with his 70 something year old wife. So maybe hb will be like that, and if he hadn't been in excellent shape with a focus on health I wouldn't be here.
> 
> Even though I am in such a relationship *I find the inherent hypocrisy of these guys funny. They want what they can't give. .... they want younger people to be open to someone older but they aren't even open to their own age let alone older. And most of them aren't as good as they think they are, some might have a few dollars but otherwise they aren't as great of a catch as they think they are.*
> 
> And the ones who b!tch about women their own age having baggage are the most priceless of all.....as they typically have me baggage and bitterness than anyone.
> 
> My hb is a great guy, takes great care of himself, and we connected personally. But if I'd seen his online profile looking for someone my age? Please, I'd have laughed my arse off. I mean, he looks fabulous but nobody looks as good as someone half their age, all physical this being equal.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was thinking that, too--though I couldn't quite put my finger on it to put it into words, but you said it perfectly. My first thought was, what's wrong with the women your age? I know lots of beautiful, vivacious, single women in their 50s, and to be frank, it p!sses me off when I hear of men like the OP who don't seem to think that women his own age are worth dating.

And you are so very right about the baggage thing... which is just ridiculous. There are plenty of women "their own age" (whatever age that is) that don't have baggage. 

Regarding your H being so much older than you--it sounds like you got one with good genes! (And who is intent on maintaining his health for a long time.)


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## thread the needle

The desire to be a dad at 58 warrants counseling to sort out why you want to do something that is so zany and self-centered before you date anyone of any age. 

Your question assumes a false generalization to be true so that indicates a lack of communication and/or analytical abilities

You assume women don't like you because of your age instead of your false limiting beliefs, argumentative disposition demonstrated in your posts, and very odd and self-centered desire to be a dad at 58. 

None of these things are attractive to most woman of any age. 

Some women are attracted to older men and it's a sizable amount. 

Younger women are attracted to men that want to be dads and that is a sizable amount.

Younger women that want their children to have a 58 year old father are a sliver of a small minority if there are any at all. 

Scrap this whole idea and get some counseling to examine your motives and do a self-check when you form your questions to see if there are absurd false over-generalizations in them and you will be headed in the right direction


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## aine

lifeistooshort said:


> Those are interesting points you make. I am 41 and hb is 60 and I've had the same thoughts you speak of. That is definitely a downside, thought my fil is 87 and still golfing a few times a week and doing his thing with his 70 something year old wife. So maybe hb will be like that, and if he hadn't been in excellent shape with a focus on health I wouldn't be here.
> 
> Even though I am in such a relationship I find the inherent hypocrisy of these guys funny. They want what they can't give. .... they want younger people to be open to someone older but they aren't even open to their own age let alone older. And most of them aren't as good as they think they are, some might have a few dollars but otherwise they aren't as great of a catch as they think they are.
> 
> And the ones who b!tch about women their own age having baggage are the most priceless of all.....as they typically have me baggage and bitterness than anyone.
> 
> My hb is a great guy, takes great care of himself, and we connected personally. But if I'd seen his online profile looking for someone my age? Please, I'd have laughed my arse off. I mean, he looks fabulous but nobody looks as good as someone half their age, all physical this being equal.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is why you see so many of them in the Philippines and other parts of SE Asia married to women half their age starting on second families. Unfortunately, many get burnt, wife ensures her name is on his property/assets then runs off with younger man leaves him high and dry. In Singapore it is a national joke how many older men have given up their families and lost their retirement funds all for the love of a younger woman (China doll), it seems to happen every where. Some of these man are well educated, what happens, I don't know.


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## NextTimeAround

Sometimes I think older men claim to want young children again to justify their wanting exclusively younger women.


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## Holland

I have always dated older men and by that I mean 5 -10 yrs older at the most bc for me anyone older than that is not at all appealing. More than 10 yr older and they just look, well old. And that is for any age group, 20's 30's 40's. 

My sister (46) recently went on a coffee date with a man in his late 50's and while she said he was a nice man, he was just too old. 

Sorry to disillusion you but men age as do women and many women do not like men old enough to be their dad.


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## Satya

FeministInPink said:


> I know this thread is... really old... but I want to chime in anyway.
> 
> I am 36. Since my divorce, I've started the whole online dating thing, and I've received a number of messages from men in their late 40s and into their 50s. They seem like great guys, but I'm just not interested. At all. I'm interested in dating someone my own age, or within a few years.
> 
> There are a couple reasons for this. I'm looking for someone who is at the same stage of life that I am, so that we can have our experiences together. I don't want to be with somebody who's already "been there, done that."
> 
> I'm always thinking about the long-term. So I want someone near my age so we will retire around the same time, and so we can enjoy our retirement TOGETHER. The average male life expectancy in the US is 76; the average female life expectancy in the US is 81. So, if I marry a man 10-12 yrs my senior, how much of MY retirements will we get to enjoy? I'm going to guess not much. I don't want to spend my twilight years playing nursemaid, or not get to do any traveling because my partner's health is getting poor. Don't get me wrong--I have no problem with the sickness in the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, and I will be there for my partner, no matter what happens. But I'm not going to set myself up in a situation that is almost guaranteed to compromise my quality of life in my early retirement. And it's a little unfair, isn't it, that he gets to enjoy having a younger wife during his retirement and fully experience those years, while MY retirement will likely be very limited due to my partner's health issues? I know that won't necessarily happen, but there's a good chance that it will. And if I marry someone who is 10 years my senior, that means that I will probably be widowed 10 years earlier than if I had married someone my own age.
> 
> So, what it comes down to is this: I want to maximize the amount of time and the QUALITY of time that I have with my partner. In order to do so, I need to be with someone my own age, or up to 5 years younger.
> 
> There are some other lesser things... I think I would better connect with someone my age. My XH was 6 years my senior; he was very clearly Gen X while I am not. We didn't always get one another's references; I want someone who gets my references.


FIP, I felt exactly as you do (I am 34), almost could have written your words myself,especially about wanting to share experiences with someone your age and not a man who has gone through it before. That was exactly my mindset post divorce and healing. 

Then, I met my 16 year older SO (OKC), and I said the same to him when it was clear that there was more than a spark between us. He initially reached out to me. I would never have known about him otherwise. 

You have to pursue what you know is best for you, so I'm not trying to convince you otherwise, but I reassessed my "rules" once I realized that my SO accepted me completely, loved me deeply, and had the experience and maturity that surpassed all the other dates I'd been on with men my age. I'm not saying that ready, younger men don't exist, but they're rare. I'd been in an 8 month relationship with a man exactly my age, same stage (only hadn't ever been married) and while on paper we seemed perfect, wanted the same things, LAUGHED like I hadn't in years, he wasn't at he level of maturity to practice what he liked to preach to me. 

I made dating a fun and frequent activity, so I could really get out there and find my match, but honestly I found it in my SO much more completely than I had in men my age. The struggle was emotionally intense. I remember the inner conversation I had with myself when I was considering cutting contact and running away from him. 

I am very, very glad I didn't. The reality is, I may not have found my ideal, but my ideal couldn't have chosen this man, who fits what I needed rather than what I wanted... If that makes sense... 

I would say to anyone, never compromise on what you are sure you want (my SO knows there are non-negotiables by being in a relationship with me), but at the same time, be wary of closing yourself to opportunity because of those wants.


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## SecondTime'Round

Satya said:


> FIP, I felt exactly as you do (I am 34), almost could have written your words myself,especially about wanting to share experiences with someone your age and not a man who has gone through it before. That was exactly my mindset post divorce and healing.
> 
> Then, I met my 16 year older SO (OKC), and I said the same to him when it was clear that there was more than a spark between us. He initially reached out to me. I would never have known about him otherwise.
> 
> You have to pursue what you know is best for you, so I'm not trying to convince you otherwise, but I reassessed my "rules" once I realized that my SO accepted me completely, loved me deeply, and *had the experience and maturity that surpassed all the other dates I'd been on with men my age. I'm not saying that ready, younger men don't exist, but they're rare. *I'd been in an 8 month relationship with a man exactly my age, same stage (only hadn't ever been married) and while on paper we seemed perfect, wanted the same things, LAUGHED like I hadn't in years, he wasn't at he *level of maturity to practice what he liked to preach to me.
> *
> I made dating a fun and frequent activity, so I could really get out there and find my match, but honestly I found it in my SO much more completely than I had in men my age. The struggle was emotionally intense. I remember the inner conversation I had with myself when I was considering cutting contact and running away from him.
> 
> I am very, very glad I didn't. The reality is, I may not have found my ideal, but my ideal couldn't have chosen this man, who fits what I needed rather than what I wanted... If that makes sense...
> 
> I would say to anyone, never compromise on what you are sure you want (my SO knows there are non-negotiables by being in a relationship with me), but at the same time, be wary of closing yourself to opportunity because of those wants.


You express where I am right now with regard to my attitudes about dating. When I got divorced in 2010, I dated quite a bit and would not have considered dating a man 10 years older. I was 37 when I got divorced. 

Now that I'm "divorced" (failed reconciliation/never remarried) again, I'm way more open to dating an older man because of what I've gone through and what I've learned the last 5 years. As I read this thread yesterday (and didn't comment) I was trying to figure out how to put into words why I felt this way, and what I've bolded above explains it well. 

I'm not at the point where I'm ready/willing to date right now at all, but when I do, I'd be open to a more mature gentleman if he has his **** together.


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## Heatherknows

FeministInPink said:


> I know this thread is... really old... but I want to chime in anyway.
> 
> I am 36. Since my divorce, I've started the whole online dating thing, and I've received a number of messages from men in their late 40s and into their 50s. They seem like great guys, but I'm just not interested. At all. I'm interested in dating someone my own age, or within a few years.
> 
> There are a couple reasons for this. I'm looking for someone who is at the same stage of life that I am, so that we can have our experiences together. I don't want to be with somebody who's already "been there, done that."
> 
> I'm always thinking about the long-term. So I want someone near my age so we will retire around the same time, and so we can enjoy our retirement TOGETHER. The average male life expectancy in the US is 76; the average female life expectancy in the US is 81. So, if I marry a man 10-12 yrs my senior, how much of MY retirements will we get to enjoy? I'm going to guess not much. I don't want to spend my twilight years playing nursemaid, or not get to do any traveling because my partner's health is getting poor. Don't get me wrong--I have no problem with the sickness in the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows, and I will be there for my partner, no matter what happens. But I'm not going to set myself up in a situation that is almost guaranteed to compromise my quality of life in my early retirement. And it's a little unfair, isn't it, that he gets to enjoy having a younger wife during his retirement and fully experience those years, while MY retirement will likely be very limited due to my partner's health issues? I know that won't necessarily happen, but there's a good chance that it will. And if I marry someone who is 10 years my senior, that means that I will probably be widowed 10 years earlier than if I had married someone my own age.
> 
> So, what it comes down to is this: I want to maximize the amount of time and the QUALITY of time that I have with my partner. In order to do so, I need to be with someone my own age, or up to 5 years younger.
> 
> There are some other lesser things... I think I would better connect with someone my age. My XH was 6 years my senior; he was very clearly Gen X while I am not. We didn't always get one another's references; I want someone who gets my references.


That makes sense. My husband is two years older than myself. I like that he's slightly older but not too much. We grew up with the same movies and music and can talk about stupid stuff we wore in high school that was "in" at the time. It's fun.


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## UMP

Here's what I think, not that what I think matters, but what the hell.

I think older men are very attractive to much younger women. I am 53 and have 20 somethings chasing me all the time. Why? Because I am well kept, dress well, am confident, have a good job, have my shiit together, am good in bed, and have money. Women can smell this on men. I don't know how, but they can.

At my 35 year high school reunion I had a 20 something bartender practically throw her boobs in my face. It happens to me all the time. It's very funny to see. (I must also say that I very much enjoy this phenomenon) 

Take away any one of those above traits and you become less and less attractive to younger women. Take them all away and you're just and old man.

As Hugh Hefner once said when asked how he felt about only being liked because of his money....."at least they like me for something."

...and btw, if you ever take this to it's conclusion you had better have one more thing.....a really good attorney to write an iron clad pre-nup.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening
The problem with being old is that you realize how you should have behaved when you were young.


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## Ynot

This is an interesting thread. I think the truism that "like attracts like" applies. The OP is seeking something, but then setting all kinds of conflicting conditions. Rejecting those his age because of baggage and commitments but wanting someone younger for those same reasons. What I find interesting is that the OP makes no mention of anything other than his age. What kind of shape is he is? How does he behave? What activities is he involved in?
Why would a woman with other options want a pot bellied, balding, limping, gimpy old man? Unless of course she is a similarly out of shape, sagging, gimpy old woman with no other options.


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## jorgegene

I wouldn't really want a younger chic, but for those that do, here you go (i think there was a recent thread on this too): Why Millennial Women Want to Date Older Men | Acculturated

"why millennial women want to date older men".


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## Mr. Nail

I didn't want to read past page 1 but here is a direct answer to the title.

Because we are cranky, demanding, set in our ways, and the plumbing doesn't always work. 
MN


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## Ikaika

Switching this conversation around, if something were to happen (quickly wrapping knuckles on wood), I would not be interested in a women more than five years my junior. I would find very little in common, not interested. There are plenty of beautiful older ladies out there. 

My barometer for a potential mate, laughing over some of the Gilligan's Island episodes.


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## Heatherknows

UMP said:


> I think older men are very attractive to much younger women. I am 53 and have 20 somethings chasing me all the time. Why? Because I am well kept, dress well, am confident, have a good job, have my shiit together, am good in bed, have a larger than average penis and have money. *Women can smell this on men.* I don't know how, but they can.


I cannot smell if a man has a big penis or not.

Just sayin....


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## UMP

Heatherknows said:


> I cannot smell if a man has a big penis or not.
> 
> Just sayin....


It's the total package. IMO Adequate penis size is reflected in ones self confidence, or at least the ability to properly use what you do have. It also helps when you go commando. :grin2:

However, your point is well taken.


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## Married but Happy

In my experience, some women honestly do like older men, without having ulterior motives or "issues." I've dated a few myself. However, for a long-term relationship, I prefer someone within 10 years of my age, mostly because a large age difference can become a serious problem when the man reaches 70 or older. I suppose if he wants children (especially if he's never had any), that's a good reason to seek someone younger, but it's surely going to be difficult to find that woman.


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## GusPolinski

I can't see myself dating anyone w/ whom I'm unable to discuss the all of the subtle intricacies and nuances of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.


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## jorgegene

i dated a woman 17 years my junior not so long ago, and it was ok. nothing wrong with it. had lots of fun.
but it's overrated (unless like OP you want kids). I find women my age just as sexy and beautiful if not more than 20 years younger.
(depending on the woman of course).

a 55 yo woman who's an 8 or so look wise v.s an 8, 35 yo, i'd just as often or more go with the older one if i were single.


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## UMP

In Praise of Older Women

Andy Rooney says, "As I grow in age, I value older women most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her.

An older single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness and are generous with praise, often undeserved.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn't care less.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to.)

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 70 there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22 year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for all of us. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to appreciate the exquisite woman you've become, without the distraction of some demanding old man clinging and whining his way into your serenity."


signed: Andy Rooney


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## Married but Happy

jorgegene said:


> i dated a woman 17 years my junior not so long ago, and it was ok. nothing wrong with it. had lots of fun.
> but it's overrated (unless like OP you want kids). I find women my age just as sexy and beautiful if not more than 20 years younger.
> (depending on the woman of course).
> 
> a 55 yo woman who's an 8 or so look wise v.s an 8, 35 yo, i'd just as often or more go with the older one if i were single.


I agree, but I've found that personality, experience, and interests favor the women closer to my age.


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## jorgegene

Heatherknows said:


> I cannot smell if a man has a big penis or not.
> 
> Just sayin....


yah, i wondered about that...........


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## Married but Happy

Heatherknows said:


> I cannot smell if a man has a big penis or not.
> 
> Just sayin....


Well, if you stick your nose in his crotch you can probably tell. :wink2:


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## Heatherknows

Married but Happy said:


> Well, if you stick your nose in his crotch you can probably tell. :wink2:


...I'll run that by my husband. :nerd:


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## tech-novelist

SimplyAmorous said:


> Krismimo, I don't know your age but hormonally, they say an older man AND a younger woman is a GREAT MATCH IN bed, because women's sex drives generally are lower in thier 20's...and men's are slowing down as they get older.
> 
> But when you hit your late 30's -early 40's and it get turned up (if it does, doesn't for everyone) , his being 60ish may be a REAL REAL problem , you'll be wishing you had a 20 yr old! Thank God for Viagra, it might be the only thing that saves you.
> 
> Seriously, one of my hormone books explains this very nicely, I think the experts know - Amazon.com: The Alchemy of Love and Lust (9780671004446): Theresa L. Crenshaw: Books
> 
> But TRUE, Love *should *be able to conquer all, we can't be led strictly by our hormones. Though that is a darn tough one when you are in that HIGH DRIVE stage.


Not all men over 60 need Viagra, or have low sex drives.


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## Mr.Fisty

Hm, there is also another trend of younger males going after older females.

The age gap is closing and now the average age gap is about two years difference.

BTW, I have a kink for MILFs.

But, in most cases, younger males and females would not date much older people. When I am at the clubs and we see males in their thirties or forties trying to pick up females in their early to mid-twenties, it can be comic. Well to a certain extent because those guys would also pretend to trip and grab onto their butts or breasts, or walk by trying to brush their bodies against the younger females. This annoys most of the clubbers. Most people at the clubs go in groups and mostly dance with their own group.


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## SimplyAmorous

technovelist said:


> Not all men over 60 need Viagra, or have low sex drives.


I understand this..(maybe a little jealous even)... unfortunately my husbands's drive did take a dive after -let's say age 45....

If I wanted twice a day.. I would be pushing his limits ... that has only happened twice in the past 8 yrs.. (Oh & I tried for a time, not one to give up easily when I am in the mood!)....

At age 51..we'll get in about 5 times a week.. no Viagra... but he wouldn't have anything left - after this.. even at that.. I have to work him up sometimes, especially at night after a long day.. 

Just speaking out of my own experience.. during my HIGH DRIVE phase... I had to learn some patience !

Now that my drive has slowed down some.. we're about even ...


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## FeministInPink

SimplyAmorous said:


> I understand this..(maybe a little jealous even)... unfortunately my husbands's drive did take a dive after -let's say age 45....
> 
> If I wanted twice a day.. I would be pushing his limits ... that has only happened twice in the past 8 yrs.. (Oh & I tried for a time, not one to give up easily when I am in the mood!)....
> 
> At age 51..we'll get in about 5 times a week.. no Viagra... but he wouldn't have anything left - after this.. even at that.. I have to work him up sometimes, especially at night after a long day..
> 
> Just speaking out of my own experience.. during my HIGH DRIVE phase... I had to learn some patience !
> 
> Now that my drive has slowed down some.. we're about even ...


I didn't mention it in my initial post, but the risk of being with someone with a dimishied sex drive or capacity/ability to keep up is a REAL BFD for me. That would be a deal breaker for me. And the risk with someone significantly older than me is just too great for me to even consider going there.


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## Ikaika

FeministInPink said:


> I didn't mention it in my initial post, but the risk of being with someone with a dimishied sex drive or capacity/ability to keep up is a REAL BFD for me. That would be a deal breaker for me. And the risk with someone significantly older than me is just too great for me to even consider going there.



Ha ha... My wife as of two years ago went from HD to xHD (she is now 53). I'm nearing 55 and she sometimes awaits the end of refractory to get in one more session, only to wake me up in the morning for more. I do get worn out a bit, but at my age, the importance of a strong cardiovascular health goes a long way.  

Exercise, eating right and protein shakes, oh and did I mention green tea.


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## SimplyAmorous

FeministInPink said:


> I didn't mention it in my initial post, but the risk of being with someone with a dimishied sex drive or capacity/ability to keep up is a REAL BFD for me. That would be a deal breaker for me. And the risk with someone significantly older than me is just too great for me to even consider going there.


AMEN sister [email protected]#$ Let me tell you.. when I was 42.. and he was 45.. I was wishing he had the drive of an 18 yr old.. I think the only thing that saved us is my husband's *willingness *to GET IN THE MOOD cause Yeah.. he always loved sex.. and he is a "giver"... if he gave me attitude.. we might have ended up in a REALLY BAD place. ...don't even want to go there.


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## Holland

Ikaika said:


> Ha ha... My wife as of two years ago went from HD to xHD (she is now 53). I'm nearing 55 and she sometimes awaits the end of refractory to get in one more session, only to wake me up in the morning for more. I do get worn out a bit, but at my age, the importance of a strong cardiovascular health goes a long way.
> 
> Exercise, eating right and protein shakes, oh and did I mention green tea.


What is the green tea good for? Yeah I could google it.


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## Ikaika

Holland said:


> What is the green tea good for? Yeah I could google it.



Many moons ago, I remember working alongside an elderly Chinese man who told me green tea is the magic of health. Plus, he said, it keeps his wife happy, that was tmi. I can't tell you if he was right, but I'm here to report it certainly does not hurt.


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## Holland

Ikaika said:


> Many moons ago, I remember working alongside an elderly Chinese man who told me green tea is the magic of health. Plus, he said, it keeps his wife happy, that was tmi. I can't tell you if he was right, but I'm here to report it certainly does not hurt.


Ok cool. I just did some googling and while some sites say it is really good for certain things others say there is no conclusive evidence.

Anyway I will get some today, my kids like it so I might have a cup or two a day.


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## GusPolinski

Holland said:


> What is the green tea good for? Yeah I could google it.


Want to say that I read somewhere that it has a ton of really good anti-oxidants.


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## Ikaika

GusPolinski said:


> Want to say that I read somewhere that it has a ton of really good anti-oxidants.



One thing anti-oxidants tend to do ensure levels of NO are high enough to create a vasodilation response needed in getting a "woody".


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## UMP

intheory said:


> I can't imagine Andy Rooney saying that stuff. I guess I'm imagining the sound of his voice doing his segment at the end of "60 Minutes"
> 
> 
> ^^^ If you don't "get" that, you're too young for me :grin2:


That was actually a 60 minutes segment. I saw it when aired. I remembered it years later but could never find the footage, only the written words.

He was a neat guy.


----------

