# Lost!!!!



## mse40 (Mar 28, 2011)

Im in bad need of advice. Ive been in relationship for 4 years where I have been accused of everything from being overly jealous to controlling and I think I'm starting to believe everything I'm called. I have spent 4 years in a up and down relationship where it seems like a couple times a month we split up. We have lived together two times and have never been engaged. 

My boyfriend has had some issues with alcohol abuse, not daily but when he does its 20 beers or more. He becomes verbally abusive and one time it was physical. He has also been on craigs list attempting to write other women for sex and overused porn and hid it. We use to go out all the time but I won't anymore because he will rub on other women or say grose things about them. He has said inappropriate things about women we know together. We went to his nieces wedding last year where everything was fine till we were going to the room and he said "oh wait a minute this girl wants to show me her *****" I got mad and went to the room where he proceeded to come in room and laugh at me then went next store to another family members room. I was angry and got in altercation with family member that blamed me. Needless to say I drove 4 hours home in the middle of the night that night. But I was a bad person to him and his family. 
This kind of thing has driven me away from his family. They all think I'm crazy and jealous. I think when I get upset at this kind of behavior its not jealousy its because I am hurt and don't want to be treated that way. 
He has really seemed to become controlling lately. He just emotionally tortures me all the time like he acts like im not good enought to marry. He layed a ring away for me then took it out and got a motorcycle and tatoo because he was mad at me because I went to spend time with my daughter and granddaughter and I wouldn't talk to him because he was being to controlling.
It just feels like this relationship is going to end with someone gettin hurt and I don't know how to end this obsessive abusive relationship because I do find myself calling names and feeling such anger and hate towards this man that makes me feel like i am nothing.
Last night his family came to town and he didn't ask me to go but said i'll be back in an hour. then 2 hours later he said I'm staying for most night then got mad because I went out. I was every name in the book. I asked him to lets take a break for a while and he came over and wanted sex and said he loved me so much after calling me nasty names all day and night. He just looks so possessed when hes like that. HELP please Im in desperate need of any help.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

To begin with, he's abusive. He's also a binge drinker, which means he could very well be an alcoholic. Your relationship sounds like a living hell to me. Been there, done that, bought the teeshirt, took it back. 

Your reactions allow him to gain the upper hand and get control. After all, reacting with anger to an abuser will get you one thing: more abuse.

You can refuse to engage, vent here, vent to a counselor, and seriously consider leaving ASAP. This guy got physical with you once. He's perfectly capable of doing it again.

So, as Dr. Phil would say, "So how's it workin' for ya?" 

As I would tell you, or any other woman who would give one more second of worry about what is going on inside an abusive jerk's head: "RUN, FORREST, RUN!!!!"

This is the antithesis of a loving, mutally-respectful relationship. You can't change him and you can't help him. We only have control over our own actions and emotions. Seriously consider terminating this relationship. And get counseling for yourself.

Life is too short to live in a chaotic soap opera.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

mse40 said:


> My boyfriend has had some issues with alcohol abuse, not daily but when he does its 20 beers or more. He becomes verbally abusive and one time it was physical. He has also been on craigs list attempting to write other women for sex and overused porn and hid it. We use to go out all the time but I won't anymore because he will rub on other women or say grose things about them.


Just a quick P.S. - You've said it all in a nutshell here. There isn't a doggone thing attractive, appealing, or decent about a man who behaves this way.

As I said, you DO need help. So cut your losses and go get it. This guy has no respect for women. Also, get checked for STD's. The chances are good that this cretin has screwed around on you.


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