# Still dealing with a crazy wife



## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

I posted here a while back and I am still just as confused as i was before. Back in June i caught my wife with a doctor that she works with having an affair. She will never admit to a physical relationship but the eveidence that i have states otherwise. Regardless I filed for divorce immediately after I found out about the affair, but at the same time we have a 1 year old child and I wanted to try counselling to see if we could make the relationship work. After I caught her cheating, I am very sure that she has cut the relationship off completley from the man that she was talking to. I have been keeping an eye on her to the point where I would have found something if she was still cheating. When i met my wife 9 years ago she was the most caring, loving, affectionate, beautiful girl that i have ever met. After she had our son she has turned into a snide, callus, and just a soulless and emotionless individual. She works all of the time and dont spend time with her son. I just dont know what happened. After i caught her cheating her behavior got much worse. She is very passive agressive and wont even talk about the marriage or how to fix it, or anything for that matter. She just sits there and has a blank look on her face and stares at the wall. We went to counselling for 3 months after the infidelity and she would go and would say that she wanted the relationship but didnt do anything that the counsellor asked her to do. When we would get home she would just act like she was a zombie, we would have sex sometimes and she would just lay there when before she was great in bed. She used to never reject my sexual advances and now that is all she has done since I caught her cheating. After the infidelity most of the time she would just reject my sexual advances and any affection that i would try and offer. I really feel like I am treated like I am the one that cheated on her, I just dont get it. Well after we quit going to counselling after the 3 months we started getting along much better, we were hanging out and she seemed like she was coming around. I even went back to the same marital counsellor for individual counselling and told her about the progress that we have been making, she seemed very optimistic based upon what I was telling her. Well the day after I went to counselling, my wife goes to her lawyer and sets a court date for the divorce without telling me. Then she proceeded to go out the next night with co-workers that i have never met. She said that it was one of her co-workers husbands b-day and that they were going out to eat dinner and then back to her house to spend the night. She ended up turning off her phone and going out to a bar and then allegedly stayed at a co-workers friends house because she was too drunk to drive and came home at 10am the next morning looking like hell. So on Sunday i completely went off on her and really took some low blows and told her that i want her out of my life. The bad part is I am still so in love with the person that she used to be and i hate the person that she has become so badly. It seems like there is nothing that I can do to get this relationship back at this point. Is there anyone out there that can offer any advise? I went off on her so bad i was hoping to just finish the relationship with that conversation. But everytime i go off on her and tell her that i hate her, she says that she was reconsidering the divorce before the argument. She just keeps messing with my mind and i cant figure out if she is suffering from PPD or if she is just crazy...or if i should just run for the hills away from her.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

My guess is she is still in affair.

She did not get treatment for PPD?

DNA test?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What evidence? She still denied it?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

No one who wants to reconcile even a little would go out all night like she did. It's pretty clear she got laid at least a ONS. She is acting like she is still 100% in the affair emotionally. There is nothing more you can do, because she is clearly not even trying.

Cast her dead weight out of your life and move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

I have tracking software on her cell phone and she is not the brightest when it comes to being sneaky. I have been monitoring her calls, texts and tracking her through GPS and she hasnt done anything that leads me to believe that she is in another realtionship. After reading on here it appears that she is in a deep "fog" and I dont think that she can get out of it. It just sucks when she was my best friend and a very good wife before we had a child. I dont know what happened to her. I guess I am sitting here dealing with the ******* that she has become waiting on the person I fell inlove with to come back. I am not trying to make excuses for her but maybe it is the PPD issue? She is showing alot of the symptoms, she is always tired, after I found out she was cheating she started smoking, she isnt spending much time with our son, withdrawn when she used to be outgoing, etc. I just hate to leave her if she has a condition that can be treated, but if she is just a crazy woman than I am ready to cast her off. I do still love her and I dont want to leave her with severe depression because she will still be a part of my sons life. I have been with her for 9 years and she has only started to be like this over the last year. her pattern of history was not like this.


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## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

The crappy part is when i went off on her on Sunday I didnt even mean half of the things that i said. I was just trying to be as mean as possible so that she would go away and never want to come back. We are living seperate in the same house because we are about to put it on the market and we cant afford to live in seperate homes. So in a bad market I am stuck living with her for potentially the next year or so until the house sells. I am not sure how to handle that one either.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

bsc820 said:


> I have tracking software on her cell phone and she is not the brightest when it comes to being sneaky. I have been monitoring her calls, texts and tracking her through GPS and she hasn't done anything that leads me to believe that she is in another relationship. After reading on here it appears that she is in a deep "fog" and I dont think that she can get out of it. It just sucks when she was my best friend and a very good wife before we had a child. I dont know what happened to her. I guess I am sitting here dealing with the ******* that she has become waiting on the person I fell inlove with to come back. I am not trying to make excuses for her but maybe it is the PPD issue? She is showing alot of the symptoms, she is always tired, after I found out she was cheating she started smoking, she isnt spending much time with our son, withdrawn when she used to be outgoing, etc. I just hate to leave her if she has a condition that can be treated, but if she is just a crazy woman than I am ready to cast her off. I do still love her and I dont want to leave her with severe depression because she will still be a part of my sons life. I have been with her for 9 years and she has only started to be like this over the last year. her pattern of history was not like this.


Sure sounds like PPD but I'm no expert for sure. What kind of professional help has she gotten. Doesn't she realize she isn't behaving as she used to?

Talk to a professional yourself and explain how her personality took a u turn.

The first thing I would do is post this in The Ladies Lounge. Should be right up their alley. 

The Ladies' Lounge


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

to me it sounds like the affair was over when she was listless and depressed and then she perked up because it started up again. The fact she turned off her phone for the night (so you couldnt track her) speaks volumes.


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## elizabeth123 (Sep 20, 2011)

I think that she needs some space to figure things out. One thing I know for sure is you have to be happy with yourself before you are happy with someone else. Maybe it is more than just you, maybe she feels lost in her on life. My husband cheated on me and that's the way he described it. Something was missing in his life past love, self fulfillment. Cheating lets you escape reality. Best advice I can give you is not to vent on her and better yourself, turn back into the person that women fall in love with. If she loves you at all, she will see that and re-think things. She needs to figure out what she wants and no matter how much it hurts or how difficult it may be, you have to give her that space if you still want to be with her. Btw, don't talk about the relationship, talk about the things you are doing to better yourself and how you realized loosing someone you love hurts, but life moves on..... people like confidence not beggars.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Get a lawyer immediately. If she has one and you do not then you are screwed big time. It would also be wise to get tested for STD's and a DNA test on your child just to be safe. It sounds like she is really playing you.


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## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

I got a lawyer when i filed for divorce in May. I have been tested and I have nothing. My child looks exactly like me so I am not concerned that he is not mine, he is my mini me.


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## bsc820 (Jul 14, 2011)

elizabeth123 said:


> I think that she needs some space to figure things out. One thing I know for sure is you have to be happy with yourself before you are happy with someone else. Maybe it is more than just you, maybe she feels lost in her on life. My husband cheated on me and that's the way he described it. Something was missing in his life past love, self fulfillment. Cheating lets you escape reality. Best advice I can give you is not to vent on her and better yourself, turn back into the person that women fall in love with. If she loves you at all, she will see that and re-think things. She needs to figure out what she wants and no matter how much it hurts or how difficult it may be, you have to give her that space if you still want to be with her. Btw, don't talk about the relationship, talk about the things you are doing to better yourself and how you realized loosing someone you love hurts, but life moves on..... people like confidence not beggars.


Elizabeth, you are right. I want to take the high road and when things are going great she always seems to do something self destructive to the relationship. Then after she does something like that i blow up on her. This is the most frustrating thing that i have ever dealt with. Like when things were starting to go good, she sets a court date without telling me and goes out the next night and stays out. I think that you are dead on where she is lost in her life. we started dating when she was 18 and i was 23 and i think that has something to do with it. its almost like she is having a midlife crisis at age 27 or something.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Your story is typical. Almost all divorces involve one spouse radically changing behavior. It doesn't necessarily imply mental illness. Since your wife has made her preference known, get a lawyer and proceed with divorce. And fight her hard for custody of your child. You may be able to use her infidelity, bizarre behavior, and reluctance to spend time with your child as leverage to get a more favorable custody agreement.

Good luck.


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