# He Changed at "I Do"



## cindywithvalor (Jan 25, 2013)

*He changed at "I do"*

My husband and I got married just 3 months ago and since then everything has changed. We had only known each other for about 9 months and I stupidly jumped into it. I am expecting my first child next summer. When we first met, he had strict standards, but was so sweet, caring, GENTLE and loving that I didn't read the signs as controlling. Now, I am not allowed to see my friends because he doesn't like them and thinks they are bad to me so "he is looking out for me when I can't look out for myself." He dislikes my family (who is wonderful and have been amazing my entire life) and I can't visit them unless he is with me. Actually, I can't go anywhere with people unless he is with me. If he is home, I have to be home otherwise he blows up about how I am choosing someone else over our marriage. He has told me I am now not allowed to wear makeup to work, deleted my facebook account, made me change my phone number, email account, throw away clothes/jewelry and delete all pictures from before we met. The worst part is his anger, it really scares me but I just dont know if I can raise a baby like this much less live life this way.

The terrible part is that this is my second marriage, I was in an incredibly abusive relationship before and I see this heading down that path. I feel terrible that I made this mistake and wonder how I was this blind a second time, but I know I'm not strong enough to handle this forever. The sad part is that he has two other children, one of whom the mother took away from him and I would feel horrible and wrong doing the same thing. I know that sounds irrational. He has times, weeks where he is sweet and kind toward me and we talk about the future and get excited, but deep down I know what the future looks like. I'm worried about him if I leave and worried about me and my unborn baby if I stay.

Posting from Texas. I know I need to push back, but I'm scared to be quite honest. If I tell him no or disagree with something he says in a nice way, he blows up and becomes violent, breaking my things, punching walls. Last time he got upset it was because my adult sisters and I use nicknames for each other. My sister's name is Marsha and we call her Marshes. He told me it was immature and it made me stupid. I told him that I simply didn't see what the big deal was about it, my whole family is fun-loving and calls each other nicknames. He broke his hand in three places from punching a wall. He hasn't become violent with me but his rage seems uncontrollable. He has started to see a counselor, but screamed at me when I suggested I see one too. 

I have told him how I feel and he says I'm just whining and I should grow up and that no one should be telling him what to do. He also will call me names then and tell me I just need to listen to him and learn my role as a wife. I just feel that there is no negotiating or healthy communication with him.

I have never raised my voice to him or had an attitude before, as you said, in many ways I have let him control me which is humiliating and makes me feel completely worthless. However, today I finally told him very calmly and respectfully I can't take the control issues and feel unloved and disrespected. He told me to stop running my mouth and that I was being selfish. After a long run around with that and him threatening divorce numerous times, he finally apologized and we are having a talk about it tonight. I just feel like he doesn't see where I'm coming from and I don't know how to communicate with him without him blowing up or calling me names. I also have a hard time just walking away when that happens because I feel bad.


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## cindywithvalor (Jan 25, 2013)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

He has also been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety Disorders and Major Depression.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I'm going to tell you something you may not want to hear. 

Leave, pregnant or not, leave. You say things changed once married, but the bottom line is, those signs were there to begin with. You even said you didn't read them as controlling, well they are. 

Chances are very slim things will get better.This is someone who has control issues and you are his target, and guess what, after the child is born, that will be his new target.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

Cindy, honey, get the hell out!

maybe he will find help and become less dangerous toward his partners, maybe he won't, but the fact is: He is dangerous. And my girl, you know this in your heart.

You have listed every single sign of abusive controlling violent behavior.Next time it may not be the wall he punches. He will probably wait until he totally cut you off from all means of escape and turned your thinking inside out before you become the real punching bag.

Get Out Now. Call your family, ask them to come get you. When leaving, make sure you are NEVER alone with him, there should be at least one other man with you while you pack to leave.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

You told him how you feel, and he disrespected your feelings by telling you to stop whining and no one should be telling him what to do? This speaks volumes, along with all the other ways he is acting and the things he is saying. Funny how you can't tell him anything but he can tell you whatever he wants and expects you to do it. Doesn't work that way. 


This is not love, this is control and anger. And as trey said, you are his target and his emotional punching bag. He might be punching walls now, but it might be you or the child later. Never think it can't happen. A spouse who truly loves you will not tell you that you can't hang with your friends or family. They wont tell you you can't wear make up or go here or there. They wont feel the need to be with you everywhere you go. He sounds violent, and I think you need to get away from him. 

This is not something that will get better. If you think little of yourself and unborn child, then stay, if you think more of yourself and want better for your child then leave.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

cindywithvalor said:


> My husband and I got married just 3 months ago and since then everything has changed. We had only known each other for about 9 months and I stupidly jumped into it. I am expecting my first child next summer.
> 
> 
> The terrible part is that this is my second marriage, I was in an incredibly abusive relationship before and I see this heading down that path. I feel terrible that I made this mistake and wonder how I was this blind a second time


You admit that you've made stupid decisions. 

Married and pregant with a guy you've known less than a year and this after a first abusive relationship.

Time to cut your losses and learn from your mistakes.

This guy isn't going to get better and I think you're just seeing the tip of the iceberg.

Leave him, or get a restraining order and kick him out based on your fear of him based on his actions. That will keep you safe until the divorce is over and emotions are running at their peak.


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## cindywithvalor (Jan 25, 2013)

CallaLily: That's exactly what it is, he can tell me anything he wants and I can't tell him anything, he said I can ask him to change things, but he can tell me. I told him I think a man and woman deserve equal respect, he was ticked. He holds it over me that I moved into HIS house, HE makes more money than I do, HE owns most of the furniture so HE says we are not equal. What a bunch of BS.

Thank you for the advice, I think very highly of myself and will not let anyone change that, especially after all I've been through.
It feels like a bad nightmare...how did I get here? Like I should wake up at any moment. Well, sharkeey, I think you might be right..cut my losses. Such a big loss though with a baby  involved, I feel like a terrible mother already. I know I will be fine in the end though, just need to do some planning now.


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

Cindy, leave him right away. Get your family and even a police officer with you to pack your bags and get out. This is no joke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

And stop feeling bad. He is not a victim. You are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Why do you see this as a loss just because you're pregnant? Look at it as a new beginning for you and your child. 

I would seek some legal advice right now on how you should proceed and what you should do, then go from there. Your husband needs to not know any of this right now either, it will only make matters worse. Find out your rights and what you need to do first.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*



cindywithvalor said:


> He has also been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety Disorders and Major Depression.


Cindy, when a man has strong traits of a PD (personality disorder), it is common for therapists to tell him about the co-occurring clinical disorders (e.g., OCD, anxiety, and depression) because those are covered by insurance and will not frighten him into abandoning therapy. They are loath to tell him, however, about the much more serious PD. 

Hence, your best chance of finding out what you and your future child will be dealing with is to see YOUR OWN psychologist, who has not seen or treated your H. It is important to obtain a professional opinion from a psychologist who is ethically bound to protect only YOUR interests, not his.

I mention all this because the behaviors you describe -- the temper tantrums, verbal abuse, wall punching, controlling behavior, blame-shifting, and rapid flips between loving and hating you -- are some of the classic traits of NPD (Narcissistic PD) and BPD (Borderline PD).

I therefore suggest that, while you are waiting for an appointment with a psychologist, you read about NPD and BPD traits so you will know how to spot the red flags. Learning to spot the warning signs will go a long way toward protecting you from falling into a third toxic marriage. Although you will not be able to make a diagnosis (only professionals can do that), spotting the warning signs is not difficult. There is nothing subtle about traits such as verbal abuse, temper tantrums, always being "The Victim," and verbal abuse. 

A good place to begin reading about NPD traits is Kathy Batesel's article at Narcissism: Recognizing, Coping With, and Treating It. And I provide an overview of BPD traits in my post in Maybe's thread at My list of hell!. If those two descriptions ring a bell, there are many TAM members who will be glad to discuss the traits with you and point you to good online resources. Finally, I agree with all the respondents urging you to move out for your own safety. Take care, Cindy.


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## cindywithvalor (Jan 25, 2013)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

Uptown:
Wow, you could really be right. Just the little research I've done on the internet makes sense. I have often thought he had undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder.

He is manipulative and always manages to turn himself into the victim- without fail over everything. I am always the one in the wrong. Then in no time he will be this prince charming for a few days and apologize for everything then the next day its back to the anger, isolation, control, irritability. I'm really going to look into this. I hope this doesn't sound bad, but it makes me feel a bit encouraged to read this and realize there is definitely something wrong with him because he is sooooo good at making me feel like there is somethign wrong with myself.

I know what I have to do.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*



cindywithvalor said:


> I have often thought he had undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder.


He may have. A fourth of BPDers also have bipolar-1 disorder. What you are describing, however, seems to go well beyond the behaviors seen in bipolar-1 sufferers. I am not a psychologist. However, I did live with a BPDer exW and my bipolar-1 foster son for 15 years. Based on that experience, I've identified 12 clear differences between the typical behavioral traits of BPDers and bipolar sufferers. If you are interested, please see my post in *******'s thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/anxiety-depression-relationships/59344-confused.html#post1175425.


> I just feel like he doesn't see where I'm coming from and I don't know how to communicate with him without him blowing up or calling me names.


Your behavior -- called "walking on eggshells" -- is harmful to both of you. This is why the #1 best-selling BPD (targeted to the abused spouses) is called _Stop Walking on Eggshells._


> He is sooooo good at making me feel like there is somethign wrong with myself.... good to know one person thinks I'm not crazy!


"Crazy" is exactly how you should feel if you're living with a BPDer (i.e., a person having strong BPD traits). Of the several dozen disorders listed in the APA's Diagnostic Manual, BPD is the one most notorious for making the abused spouses feel like they may be losing their minds. Indeed, therapists see far more of those spouses -- coming in to find out if they are going crazy -- than they ever see of the BPDers themselves. To a lesser extent, NPD and Antisocial PD also have the reputation of having a "crazymaking" effect on the spouses.

This effect is so well known that the ex-partners of BPDers have given it a name: "gaslighting." It is named after the classic 1944 movie _Gaslight_, in which a husband (Charles Boyer) tries to drive his new bride (Ingrid Bergman) crazy so as to get her institutionalized -- allowing him to run off with her inherited family jewels. Of the many tricks he employs, one is to keep turning the house gaslights down a tiny bit further each day -- all the while pretending that he is able to see and read just fine.


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## cindywithvalor (Jan 25, 2013)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

"BPDers therefore will create arguments over nothing as a way to push you away and give them breathing room. Hence, it is not surprising that they tend to create the very worst arguments immediately following the very best of times, i.e., right after an intimate evening or a great weekend spent together."

SO accurate in his case. He definitely is more so on the BPD end and the symptoms describe him perfectly. WOW, thank you for sharing. 

I also found this website and my jaw dropped as I read the symptoms because they fit so well. Borderline personality disorder in males - Philadelphia Mental Health | Examiner.com
He also has the childhood causes that sometimes cause BPD.

So, in response to seeing a doctor myself. I suggested that I see a counselor during the time that he does and this sent him into a rage saying, it makes me weak-minded if I have to take the advice of someone else to be married. For right now, that is not an option.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

Run. You can't fix his issues, only he can and from what you say he isn't exactly busting a gut to do that.

I honestly think a lot of his behaviors would be the same even if he overcame his mental health issues. 

He is abusing you and you absolutely should not stand for it nor should you bring a child into that situation. You need to get out for your child's sake as well as your own.

I can sympathise with him as I have issues with depression myself but what he is doing is simply not acceptable.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You need to move somewhere close to your family before the baby arrives so you have their support.

Please leave now before any thing really terrible happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

Cindy honey, just leave. Get out now and do your learning once you are somewhere safe.

Do you have an exit plan yet?
You need copies of bank statements, you need titles to the car, insurance info, and as much cash as you can lay your hands on. get a bag packed to tide you over for a day or so and leave that with a friend, along with some escape cash. Call in all the help you can get. Let everyone know he is abusive, violent and unpredictable. Dont bother with long stories or explanations. You need a place where you can go and be safe for a few days AND a place where you can go and be safe longer term while you get your feet back on the ground.

If you call the local ER, they can put you in touch with a battered spouse shelter and from there you can get free legal help and guidance, along with financial support on a temporary basis.

These are some ideas to get you started making your own plan. Please post back once you have your plan made.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

Call your family for help.

Quietly get your important documents/things together in a safe place.

Wait until he is at work and then leave.

Abusers don't change.

He is an abuser.

That isn't the life you want for a baby, holes punched in the walls you and the child being screamed at, put down, and abused.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

*He changed at "I do"*

Control + violent anger + isolating you from family + putting you down + refusing to accept your opinions as valid = abuse. From your description, it sounds like this has escalated quickly. It will continue to do so, as threats have joined the arsenal now.

Since you've been in an abusive relationship before and describe this as abusive, you know that you cannot make him change and you need to leave because he shows no sign of change.

His previous wife took his child entirely; that following the abusive descriptions makes me think that there must have been an indication that he wouldn't treat his kid right. Do you want to inflict this on your kid? No.

Secretly pack a small bag when he isn't home and have someone take you to a shelter where he won't look. Serve him divorce papers from afar. Take only essentials and don't go back to get anything else unless you have a police escort or witness who can rationally handle potential violent outbursts.

This is not safe and you are scared. Leave him. There is no way he will change if you stay; if you go, he might realize that he has a problem. Staying is dangerous. 

I hope you're not posting this from a place where he might see it. I suggest a library computer if this one is shared. I think you should exercise extreme caution and you should inform your family once you have left so they can help you.

And -- get a good counselor because you'll benefit from one.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

cindywithvalor said:


> My husband and I got married just 3 months ago and since then everything has changed. We had only known each other for about 9 months and I stupidly jumped into it. I am expecting my first child next summer. When we first met, he had strict standards, but was so sweet, caring, GENTLE and loving that I didn't read the signs as controlling. Now, I am not allowed to see my friends because he doesn't like them and thinks they are bad to me so "he is looking out for me when I can't look out for myself." He dislikes my family (who is wonderful and have been amazing my entire life) and I can't visit them unless he is with me. Actually, I can't go anywhere with people unless he is with me. If he is home, I have to be home otherwise he blows up about how I am choosing someone else over our marriage. He has told me I am now not allowed to wear makeup to work, deleted my facebook account, made me change my phone number, email account, throw away clothes/jewelry and delete all pictures from before we met. The worst part is his anger, it really scares me but I just dont know if I can raise a baby like this much less live life this way.


He sounds like the kind of person who doesn't have many friends. If you killed him, not many people would ask about him. He could be gone for weeks before anyone would report him missing. That gives you plenty of time to cut the body in small pieces, dehydrate it using salt and a $200 dehumidifier, then scatter the pieces across several miles of country road where wild animals can consume it. Remember to destroy the skull and teeth using a bench grinder because skulls and teeth are the easiest way to identify a body.



> He has also been diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety Disorders and Major Depression so when I try discussing these relationship issues, he says, you know I have problems...Yes, I do know that, but I often feel like our life is lived accommodating them...help!


He's in luck. SSRI drugs are very effective for treating OCD and anxiety disorders. They also sometimes work for depression. Get him on Prozac and he might turn into a normal person. 

In any event, you should leave. Let him get Prozac and be normal on his own time. He probably won't even consider that until you leave him and he's forced to think things over.


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## cindywithvalor (Jan 25, 2013)

Thank you all. Shawn, I would comment and admit that I laughed out loud, but I don't want to incriminate myself.

I never knew this forum would be so encouraging and supportive, thank you, you have all given me a little more strength. So, I do have an escape plan, a secret bag packed in the trunk of my car with all the essentials and money. Now, I seem to have caught him on his "up day" yesterday and burst out into tears and explained exactly what I was feeling and the problems of his that I could not accomodate to anymore and let him know I would not be living my life revolved around him and that I was leaving. I actually expected him to go into a rage, but he didn't , he actually respectfully talked to me and asked what he could do to change. Now, this does fit into the BorderlinePD idea of what he might do, however, it felt great. I actually took my power back!!! I told him I would be setting boundaries for myself and him in this marriage and I would be seeing friends and family and he admit that he has a lot to change and he would.

So, I know what you are all thinking..."typical, cindy, how long is that gonna last?" Well, that's what I'm thinking too. Hence the bag packed, the second he flares up, I"M GONE, mark my words. At least he knows that now and whatever happens, I know that I did the right thing in standing up for myself and my baby and giving him a chance to right what he made wrong. Instead of going to his appointment today with him and sitting like a good little wife waiting (he likes me to go everywhere with him), I told him I would be staying home today by myself and I needed space. He was fine with it, said he would go to his parents to give me some more time.

I know that it might change....again. Probably will and when that comes, I will not be around to see it go back down hill, but for now, I am doing my small part to give him one chance. Feedback?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Honestly I'm scared for you.

Please be safe.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

His moods seem unstable to me which concerns me. He seemed respectful to you, he seemed to be giving you space, etc etc, BUT as you are aware of, people with mood issues can change at the drop of a hat. His "niceness" and respectfulness" may be nothing more than rage that is is seething underneath waiting to explode whenever he unleashes it. Someone who has the control issues he seems to have, is not going to just sit back and let you have your way, he will turn on you at some point. If I were you I wouldn't hang around much longer, just go ahead and leave. Its to late now, you have already told him how you felt, but it probably would have been better to have told him nothing, and just left and then talked to him over the phone or with someone else present. Good luck.


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## Speed (Dec 9, 2011)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

The longer you stay the more likely it will be that he will stop hitting the wall and start hitting you.

Use your brain. Get the fu<k away from this guy. He is about as unstable as they come.

Also, sounds to me like you have a little of this Stockholm syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia going on. Especially the part of the lack of abuse is seen as kindness.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

To the OP, how are things going? Hope you are ok.


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## norma5 (Feb 6, 2013)

Leave NOW, things will probably only get worse. He is controlling and needs help.
Life's too short!


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

I just left a relationship like this, it was very hard to even bring up leaving, but somehow I did it.

My relationship started off great, and after some reading you will see that ALL relationships like that start off fine because the person controlling you knows exactly what to do to make you stay.

There was a long time where I thought I was over exaggerating - he threw something, punched a wall.. told me to leave "his" house.. did whatever he wanted, and I really started believing he was right- I was the "crazy", "mentally ill" one, what's the big deal, it's not like he is hitting me.. I didn't want to look like I was weak and couldn't handle myself.

You have come to a place where you see that this is not a good relationship, don't let him convince you, don't waste your time or life waiting for him to change.

Trust me he will try to sweet talk you, my STBX went to a few counselling sessions and when they didn't work fast enough it was my fault, he even twisted around the things the counselor said and used them against me.

That's when I went to a women's shelter and got the facts. And the fact is he will not change unless he wants to, and gets help for himself- without YOU.

Be safe, have a plan and some money saved.


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## norma5 (Feb 6, 2013)

Please get out now, we don't you still looking on this Forum in 25 years totally depressed. Your child deserves a good, happy life and to have that really needs it's Mother to be happy. Controlling men are 'the pits'!!!!!!!!!!
It will be hard to leave but even worse if you stay.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

leave now!... this man does not deserve to abuse a family, and that is what he will do to you and your child. No child should live with a man like that. 

You made a terrible decision, but the signs were all there, you just jumped the gun with this. You should get IC cause you have issue you need to resolve. Why would you do this to yourself and unborn child.


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## cindywithvalor (Jan 25, 2013)

Let me start by saying, THANK you everyone, somehow just hearing from sincere and caring people even if it's not what I wanted to hear has given me encouragement and rationale. However, I do have to disagree with some of you who say he is a predator. In actuality, he is a good man but a Veteran who came back from the way very, very, very messed up in the mind. That being said, none of these actions are acceptable or excusable no matter what mental issues one suffers and I will not put up with them both for me and for my child. So, thank you everyone, you helped me see a little more clearly and gave some strength to a woman who feels like she's losing her marbles.

I am doing okay right now and I am still with him- right now. We have alerted his doctors as to his behavior, changed his meds, he has not had an episode since we talked and has given me ALOT of much needed space. I'm not convinced this is going to last though and have some plans if it comes to leaving. I know you cannot change someone, I may be weak right now, but I'm not stupid and I will not tolerate a lifetime of this. I have become convinced after much research that he DOES absolutely have a personality disorder- either borderline or obdurate paranoid. Does anyone know about the second one??

ChiGirl, I completely relate with what you said. Really touched home.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*



cindywithvalor said:


> I have become convinced after much research that he DOES absolutely have a personality disorder- either borderline or obdurate paranoid. Does anyone know about the second one??


Cindy, my understanding is that PPD (Paranoid PD) -- of which "obdurate paranoid" is a subset -- is essentially one of the traits found in BPD, which has many other traits. Specifically, one of the nine traits is "transient, stress related *paranoid ideation* or severe dissociative symptoms." 

When the paranoia is exhibited in the absence of those other BPD traits, the disorder is called PPD. When most of the other BPD traits are also present, however, the behavioral pattern is called BPD. 

IMO, the traits you are describing -- e.g., temper tantrums, punching holes in walls, and verbal abuse -- go far beyond the narrowly focused traits of PPD. Moreover, the primary hallmark of BPD -- which sets it apart from PPD and other PDs -- is an instability in personal relationships and self identity. This instability is usually most evident in the way a BPDer will flip back and forth between loving you and devaluing you. This seems consistent with your remark that "He has times, weeks where he is sweet and kind toward me."

Significantly, PPD is given as a diagnosis only when the paranoia trait cannot be explained by a broader PD -- like BPD -- that includes paranoia along with many other traits. Further, if your H does have strong BPD traits, it would not be surprising if a therapist found him to have another PD as well. 

Indeed, a recent study (pub. 2008) found that most BPDers have one or two other PDs together with the BPD. Keep in mind that PDs are NOT separate diseases. Indeed, there is no known disease that causes ANY of them. Instead, the PDs are simply "syndromes," i.e., groups of behavioral traits that therapists commonly see occurring together in their clients. This, at least, is my understanding, Cindy.


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## manslave (Feb 15, 2013)

*Re: He changed at "I do"*

It's too easy to take the comments on a message board as just that: comments on a message board. But, you really need to listen to everyone here, if this man is breaking his hands on walls he is out of control and is a real danger to you and your unborn child.


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## cindywithvalor (Jan 25, 2013)

We are finally ending things as they have become very difficult. I caught him trying to meet up with his ex and telling her he wished they were still together and she is his soul mate. This just made me sick, disgusted and there is no coming back from it. We are separated but living in the same house for various reasons. We are being civil and planning things, I am looking for a new place, in the meantime things are calm, just painful. SO PAINFUL. Has anyone had experience with breaking up with a BPD? I've had a previous divorce and breakups in the past, but this is much more painful and not just because we are under the same roof. I could really use some help, encouragement, anything.
My rational mind knows this is the right thing to do, but my emotions are fighting me and the guilt is eating me up. I feel bad that I can't be the caregiver type of person and emotionally invest again (however, I know that I shouldn't!)


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

cindywithvalor said:


> Has anyone had experience with breaking up with a BPD?


Yes, Cindy, I divorced a BPDer after a 15 year marriage. Because BPDers can get very vindictive and mean while splitting the partner black, you should expect the D to get very nasty very quickly. I therefore recommend you read _Splitting: Protecting Yourself while Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist.

_As to the difficulty of walking away, we codependent caregivers find it excruciatingly painful to walk away from a sick loved one. The notion of doing so is anathema to us. It therefore is extremely important that you hold onto your righteous anger, using it as a crutch to walk away to safety. Then, a year later -- after you are safely away -- you can kick that crutch aside. 

Right now, however, your anger likely is the only thing that will make it possible for you to leave. Remember, anger -- when used correctly -- is a great motivating force that makes action possible. This is why it is one of the primitive ego defenses we are all born with.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

EJECT! seriously, tell your family your plans, they sound like good people and they will help you. You need to pack up and leave asap, this man sounds like hes lost his mind.


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