# 30 days to find a job or she's gone



## blackcat09 (Dec 3, 2009)

Hello - 

I am quite perplexed and I am not sure how to handle or what to do about this situation. I will try to be brief but include all the details. 

I have been let go 4 times in the last 3 years from jobs. 

First job was in Phoenix, AZ and was in my career with a great company and was because I was accidentally talking about company info with a friend who worked at a competing firm. I was with this company for 6 months. 

After this I looked for full time work for about a year, but held part time jobs until a part time job became a full time position. I quit my full time position to move next to my wife's family in Michigan.

In Michigan I found the second job in which I was fired. It was a contract/1090 job in which the contract period was up and the one-man company didn't have the cash to keep another employer on. This job was about 45 days

Third was with a telemarketing company. I didn't make a sale in my first two weeks and they let me go. I haven't been paid from this company.

Fourth job was in my career field. I was there for a couple months and was let go for a typo in an email, mislabeled DVD, and was late 10 minutes without calling. Later I found out the girl who took my position works for 2 dollars an hour less then I did.

We have been living in Michigan since June of 08. I have held a part time night job since about september of 08 till today.

I am a graphic designer and she is a hair stylist that teaches cosmetology. She has worked at this place since we arrived here in 2008 (but didn't have this job when we moved). 

During the time of me not having a full time job I have searched but became frustrated with not finding work and almost gave up. Yes, I could have put more effort into finding full time employment.

Now she feels like I can't support her and that I am taking advantage. Recently she has been caught hiding that she is talking with an ex-boyfriend. I was pretty upset at this not because of talking to the ex, but because she was hiding it.

It has now come down to her giving me 30 days to get a job or she's moving out. She has been apartment hunting so I think she is sincere about this (although previous threats have not solidified into action). I am working my tail off to get a job. I do live in Michigan (not detroit) and the unemployment rate is 11.4% in my area. 

I have tried starting my own business, but this proved to take up too much time in her eyes. She wants results now!

I don't know what to do. I think she is being irrational and unsupportive. She thinks I am not being a provider and can't be trusted. 

We, in the past, have seen a marriage counselor. We went a few times but then stopped because she thought the female marriage counselor was agreeing with me too much.

Thank you for your time... any input would be great!


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

so you have a part time job and she still wants more or she moves out? At least you are working! Even if you are not working I think 30 days is a little harsh, it took my husband 6 months to find a job. It is not easy to find work. My husband has been layed off an endless amount of times during our marriage, my family has bashed him as a loser and I think it is wrong. Just because you can not find work does not give the right for your wife to give you such an ultimatum! A marriage is sacred, til death do you part, for better or WORSE that means no matter how bad home life is, you must strive for a better life together, she must support you fully while you try and find work, NOT tell you she is moving out, thats ridiculous! I mean I can understand that she may be frustrated because trust me, IT IS SO difficult trying to handle all the bills by yourself, but she shouldnt be so cruel. I think you should try speaking to her again, ask her if it is really just the job issue that is bothering her? Or if it is something more deeply rooted than the job issue. Maybe she is resenting you for something else she is unhappy with. You two definitley need to have a good long talk and fast, I think she is being totally unfair to you


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## blackcat09 (Dec 3, 2009)

Thanks for the info.

We have been having bad fights lately and she says I'vee been treating her badly since I was fired. Of course she told me if I got fired from this job I was going to be 'kicked out' so I was defensive. According to her, I should be (in her words) 'kissing her butt.'

We talked last night and she wants me to apologize for making her feel like this and also apologize for taking advantage of her. Although I disagree, I will if it makes it better.

EDIT: I will ask her if it's just the job issue or what else there are issues with. My part time job is enough to pay all but $25 of rent for our place.


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

@Blackcat09-thats great, I am glad you will talk to her and find out if there are other issues that maybe she is unhappy with. At least you are trying! At least u HAVE a part time job! My H does not have the best job in the world, he too works part time, he gives me almost every dollar he earns, not because I TELL him to, but because he WANTS to help, so at least U R helping! many men out there are not even trying to make an effort! Good luck and I hope you find out the "real issues" here, giving a marriage a 30 day ultimatum bc u work part time is just unreasonable


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## blackcat09 (Dec 3, 2009)

Thank you, I appreciate it!

All the money I make goes into our account. I want to help out with the family bills. I'd love to have a job in which she could do what she wanted, but it hasn't come up yet. 

I've tried starting my own business and I was making money doing graphic design on the side but she says I spend too much time on the computer. 

Oh well, thanks for the advice and good luck with you and your husband. I truly believe this is all because of circumstance and any emotional decisions now will be regretted later.


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

Thank you for the good luck wishes for us(we need it lol), it has been a financial NIGHTMARE since he works part time-we wont be current on bills until about March now.., BUT we try to make it work because we love each other dearly. I resented him SO much when he was layed off, I would cry almost daily about our struggles-but thankfully now that he is at least bringing something to the table (even though its barely enough for groceries sometimes) I feel that at least he is "trying" by working 3-4 days a week as a server. I know serving can be a tough job, he comes home at 2am some nights, its no fun and games, at least he is making an effort-just like u-I hope your wife sees that at least u are doing the best that you can! keep us updated


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Is it possible to work your current part time job and also get your own business going? 

The fact is that she is on the edge of ending it because she feels you are not committed to being a good provider. 

You won't have a good/great marriage until this is solved and you need to be part of the solution. Meaning somehow you need to acknowledge that she simply doesn't feel she can rely on you financially. 




blackcat09 said:


> Thank you, I appreciate it!
> 
> All the money I make goes into our account. I want to help out with the family bills. I'd love to have a job in which she could do what she wanted, but it hasn't come up yet.
> 
> ...


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Sorry to say it, but her behavior is pretty much on the mark in these situations. 

Although I admit with your side of the story it makes her look a little eager to jump the gun, it is still natural and sadly predictable.

Again, a woman is attracted to a man that is in control of himself and his environment, a dominant man. A woman will resent a man that she views as weak. 

You are struggling with employment, okay, but she sees weakness, although to be fair most reasonable people can expect that in these current economic times, so there is something else going on also it seems.

She is working and supporting you. She could resent being in this role as well. 

How is this affected your dominance in the emotional and sexual aspects of the relationship? Are you a decision-maker in these sometimes less tangible aspects of the relationship, or is she taking over in these areas as well? Does she determine the mood when you two are together? Does she have the last word in arguments? Does she determine the "hows and whens" of sex? If so, this will fuel her resentment even more!

Of course, her dominating the time frame of her leaving is not a good sign. Even if you "shape up" it will fuel her resentment. It is most likely better for you, if you are prepared and there are no children involved and you are resolved to either win her over or cut your losses, to tell her if she is leaving to leave immediately.

But last and not least, the contact with the ex-boyfriend must stop. Now. That is called in these days an "emotional affair" and will most likely lead to physical sex, although may have already.

Do what you need to do to get yourself together, and if you want to win your wife's attraction back, you must do it as a man in control of himself and not a victim (at least in her eyes) and this means to stop her emotional abuse to you (time ultimatum, ex boyfriend, apartment hunting) immediately.


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## WarmFront (Nov 10, 2009)

I'm not sure what part of MI you are in, but here are a couple of resources to look into:

Home - Michigan Works! Association and jobs.michigan.org/

Great Michigan Jobs

The 30 day ultimatum that your wife has given you sounds like an excuse for her to leave rather than a timeframe for you to find work. I could be wrong, however, you should talk to her and get down to the 'real' details as far as why she wants to leave. 

Good luck in your endeavors and keep us posted!


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## Audrey (Jul 27, 2012)

WarmFront said:


> I'm not sure what part of MI you are in, but here are a couple of resources to look into:
> 
> Home - Michigan Works! Association and jobs.michigan.org/
> 
> ...




I agree fully with this ^ I could understand if while she was working all day you were home watching TV or just being completely lazy. Fact of the matter is that you do have some sort of income coming in and not meaning to be rude by anymeans so please don't take offence... but do Hairdresser's get paid very well in MI? Should she really be complaining?

As far as you catching her hiding talking to her ex... I have spoken to ex's in good ways that don't need to be hidden, and bad ways that cause a reason to be hidden. I would definitely be trying to get the root of the issue out of her because unless you guys are struggling everymonth to pay the bills... it just sounds like a scapegoat to me!


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Audrey said:


> I agree fully with this ^ I could understand if while she was working all day you were home watching TV or just being completely lazy. Fact of the matter is that you do have some sort of income coming in and not meaning to be rude by anymeans so please don't take offence... but do Hairdresser's get paid very well in MI? Should she really be complaining?
> 
> As far as you catching her hiding talking to her ex... I have spoken to ex's in good ways that don't need to be hidden, and bad ways that cause a reason to be hidden. I would definitely be trying to get the root of the issue out of her because unless you guys are struggling everymonth to pay the bills... it just sounds like a scapegoat to me!


I agree with this. I think your wife is a cake eater and has no respect for you or marriage. My take is she is determined to end the marriage for her own selfish reasons and make everyone think you are the bad guy. What a harpy! 

If the house is owned jointly and severally by you and her she cannot kick you out. But be prepared. She's going to find some way to make you want to move out. Be strong.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Now she feels like I can't support her and that I am taking advantage. Recently she has been caught hiding that she is talking with an ex-boyfriend. I was pretty upset at this not because of talking to the ex, but because she was hiding it.
> 
> It has now come down to her giving me 30 days to get a job or she's moving out.



Do you need a picture to be drawn here? She is actively looking for a new man because you're not making enough money. The 30 days is just some lame way to get you out of the picture and giving you the blame for it. 

She probably already has something lined up. She has no respect for you and she doesn't love you. You need to get your act together, not for her, but for you. Prepare to be on your own because it will happen sooner or later.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Pack her bags and ask her to leave tonight. If she wants her old boyfriend, let her go. She's a golddigger.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Err, this happen in 2009...do you think he got a job yet?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Zombie thread


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Ah hell!!!


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## Audrey (Jul 27, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Err, this happen in 2009...do you think he got a job yet?



HAHAHAHAH WHOOPS!! 

Maybe he'll respond with an update! lol


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I would like to know what happened with this guy.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

costa200 said:


> I would like to know what happened with this guy.


Lucky for him, his XW made him move to Michigan. There he got hired after the U.S. government bailed out Chrysler. FIAT bought Chrysler and moved all the graphic artist to Turin. There he lives in a villa in the Italian country side and every week end has to put up with all the young women from Monaco tramping around the city. Alas to late for his marriage as his wife ran off with the XBF, who dump her for his X high school GF, because she didn't have a dental plan. 

How's that for an ending, as good as any?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Lucky for him, his XW made him move to Michigan. There he got hired after the U.S. government bailed out Chrysler. FIAT bought Chrysler and moved all the graphic artist to Turin. There he lives in a villa in the Italian country side and every week end has to put up with all the young women from Monaco tramping around the city. Alas to late for his marriage as his wife ran off with the XBF, who dump her for his X high school GF, because she didn't have a dental plan.
> 
> How's that for an ending, as good as any?


Works for me :smthumbup:


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

That had me laughing. You should write short stories.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

Shoot -this one got my wheels turning. It would be awesome if he had the same email and saw that his thread had been updated. Let's hope he is at work and can't check it yet


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## still.trying (Jul 27, 2012)

First of all, she has a right to be mad. You need to stop losing good jobs. THere is a pattern here and you need to figure out what it is. People don't just get fired multiple times ironically. 

But if she really loves you, than moving out shouldn't come so easily, so she needs to look outside the box too. 

Why can't you be a part time house husband? Lots of people do it these days. Why can't you cook and clean and drive the kids around and pay the bills and do the shopping and the yardwork like most house wives and husbands do? You could do all this and work a decent part time job. If that is not enough to make her happy, than there is another issue going on. 

McDonalds is really easy to get in to and they pay their managers pretty decent. Is your pride getting in the way of finding a job?

I think you both need to look outside the box and toughen up a bit OR deal with the other issues if they are lurking.


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