# Separated and Not Sure What TO Do



## confusedandwonderingman (Jul 7, 2013)

My wife and I have been separated for 4 months now. We were happy together until about a year or to ago. I was pursuing a credential to better myself and ultimately benefit us. It required a lot of dedication and I became withdrawn. This was a big factor in getting us to where we are now. She stayed with family for about 3 months and then got her own place. She has an apartment which she signed a year lease for. 

We still talk but it is just normal conversation about work and things we are doing. Everytime the discussion of issues comes up emotions kick in and she cries and gets mad. I think we are both emotionally exhausted from dealing with our relationship. I truly believe we still love and care for one another.

She has explain that she can not put invest anymore of herself because she does not want to be hurt. She can't see things working right now but she does not want to call it quits and file for a D. I have been the one maintaining communications because she says I don't say how i feel or show that I care. I am to the point that I know I care about her but I can't continue to emotional invest.

I am lost and not sure how to proceed. I have been working on me by losing weight, looking for a new job, and taking care of our home. I am not sure if i should do no contact, file, or continue communicating.


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## KNIFE IN THE HEART (Oct 20, 2011)

What about counseling for yourself? It sounds like you have difficulty communicating. You can learn this from a good counsellor. Marriage counseling might be helpful too after you've learned communication skills. The counsellor should be able to help you both discuss the issues in a constructive way. 
Have you read the book The Five Love Languages? That could be helpful in understanding each other and how to show your love. 
It would be a shame to lose your marriage because you don't know how to communicate with each other. 
Keep us posted.


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## confusedandwonderingman (Jul 7, 2013)

So many ups and downs as of late. I got a new job which is definitely a positive. Its closer to home, so that will save on the commute. I went a week without contact. It was a busy week so that helped. We got together for lunch which was fine. Emotional before we departed. I think she sees the changes, but has some trust issues. Not trusting me specifically, but trusting people in general.

I need to take care of me. Being able to maintain my job and house. This is difficult right now. I care about her and want her to know that. I do have some worry that she will be with someone else while we are a part. I know I can't control and don't want to. If she was with some else it would kill any possibility of reconciliation for me. Right now I just want to maintain hope and keep taking care of me. Working on things with her would be great, but I suppose I just need to hang in there for now. I don't want to feel worse than I do now if things don't workout.


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