# Just found out husband may have cheated



## pickledginger (Dec 14, 2010)

I'll start this off by saying that I discovered this information by snooping in my husband's email account. I know it's not right, but he left himself signed into his email today and I just looked around. I am sick over what I saw.

In July my husband was out of town for work. I was 6 months pregnant. I saw that he had sent answers to several craiglist ads looking to hook up. all three were from the MW4M ads, couples looking for another man. All three he sent something along the lines of "Still looking for a partner? I can send pics"

I couldn't find any responses to this, so I am unsure if he got a response and if he did or did not end up with another couple. just because I don't know for sure whether or not he_ DID _cheat doesn't mean that I am not completely heartbroken, because he _wanted_ to do it.

Since I found this while snooping I feel guilty and i don't know if I should ask him anything about it. It's my own fault for snooping around in his business. I just feel so hurt that he would even think about betraying me, especially while I was carrying his child.

How can I trust him? He's been very attentive to me and our child since she's been born and he works very hard to support us. I know he cares about us, about me. He's very affectionate. How am I ever going to resolve this feeling of betrayal?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Did you print them off?


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## pickledginger (Dec 14, 2010)

print the emails he sent? no, I suppose then I would have physical evidence, but whether I have it in hand or not doesn't change the fact that I know... 

I guess I just don't know why I should print them.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Because he will lie about ever doing it if you ask him about it.

He'll just say "oh I just was bored or in a silly mood. Nothing happened."

Then..

"But I am upset that you don't trust me. Why were YOU snooping on me anyway??? Is there something that YOU are doing that I should know about?"


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You need the hard evidence b/c if he does not stop, you will have to show his family and friends why you are not tolorating his behavior and he has a choice to either stop that behavior or leave. 


If you don't have proof he will tell others his side of the story.


You are both married so why do either of you need privacy. I can see if you were in the bath room and he walked in on you when your on the toilet. He's be decietful and out of protecting your self from being lied to, you are simply invading his secrecy. And in my opinion there is no room for secrets between best friends.


physical evidence will bring this issue out in the open were it can be addressed and corrected. With out it he will simply deny his behavior.


Take it slow and be patient. do your research and find out if he has taken to the next level or confront know and prevent a bad misstake on his part.


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## indespair.now (Nov 30, 2010)

I do not agree with the answers posted above. It is an important issue to know what lead him to look for pleasures from other sources.

If you start to spy after him then the only thing that will fill your mind is the possible cheat, and so you will become more and more unfriendly to him, and you will see cheating everywhere, and so it can happen that he will really look for a "friendlier environment"...

This advice of "telling the friends and his family... " Come on... you want to loose him, or to be with you due to guilt... ??? I don't think so. I believe that you want him to be with you because he wants to be with you.

Every single human being needs his own privacy and little secrets. Why? If you know everything from the other he will become very boring very soon. This is how human nature works. Why is this whole buying/market thing works at all? Because we are always attracted to the unknown...

I think that in a relationship it is very important that even if we have problems with each other we should not sell each other out. Talk with him first. Try not to be attacking, for sure it will be very hard but try... and hopefully he will feel it so that the only fair way is to be honest with you. 

Wishing you the best


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## pickledginger (Dec 14, 2010)

I wonder how to bring this up without it turning into a fight over "why were you reading my email?" and losing focus on the real issue. I know my husband enough to know that he'll most likely try to turn this into a discussion about me not respecting his privacy. 

And I'm scared to bring this up when it happened months ago and I haven't seen anything or been suspicious of him for a long time. I felt very selfconscious and worried about what he was doing over the summer while he was away for work so much. He was also going out "with the guys" and coming home at like 3 or 4 in the morning, and a few times he didn't come home until the next day, using the excuse that he drank too much and passed out. (with that excuse I suggested perhaps he had a drinking problem, he agreed and doesn't really go out as much)

In the past few months he has been very supportive and loving. I have felt much better about our relationship. he doesn't go out much, and if he does he comes home at a very reasonable hour. He's good to me and I'm worried that bringing this up will change all that. I don't want to dig up old issues when it has been so good lately. 

Or do you think that he hasn't changed, and is just getting better at hiding it? Ugh, I don't know what to do.


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## CarolynsFingers (Dec 15, 2010)

That is dangerous and risky behavior that puts your own sexual health in jeopardy. You have to tell him you know! He might turn this on you because you snooped but intimately you are the victim, not him. Stand firm. I am sorry, it hurts big.


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