# Husband wont keep a job



## Amy6789 (9 mo ago)

Im finally at the end, I can't take anymore! This man will not keep a job to help support his family for nothing and it's so sad. I work from home full time dealing with angry customers, so it's very frustrating. I love my job I make good money but I didn't get married and have 4 kids just to be doing it alone. He done went on so many interviews this year, most of them hired him he will work a few days and quit. Gets really defensive when I talk about a job to him. Not really a good father because he only discipline our kids instead of building a bond with them. They afraid to even come to him and talk about anything. What annoys me the most is he still expects sex. We literally don't talk or have a connection. I've tried to talk to him about taking care of his self more, seeing a Dr etc and he gets upset about that. He has let his own self go and talk alot about his childhood and how he was brought up. Everytime our kid does some he always comparing them to him as a kid. I'm not secually attracted to my husband anymore like I get anxiety if he touch me. I guess this is a chapter of my life were I just got to end, because expecting him to change and he hasn't yet will continue to be a waste of my time.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If he can't keep a job, why are you keeping him? What is his behavior teaching your 4 children about work ethics, commitments & responsibility in general? 

You are basically already functioning a single parent. Just make it official. 

If he cries that he is entitled to alimony as a result of your divorce, hire an employability expert to testify about his earning potential.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Amy6789 said:


> Im finally at the end, I can't take anymore! This man will not keep a job to help support his family for nothing and it's so sad. I work from home full time dealing with angry customers, so it's very frustrating. I love my job I make good money but I didn't get married and have 4 kids just to be doing it alone. He done went on so many interviews this year, most of them hired him he will work a few days and quit. Gets really defensive when I talk about a job to him. Not really a good father because he only discipline our kids instead of building a bond with them. They afraid to even come to him and talk about anything. What annoys me the most is he still expects sex. We literally don't talk or have a connection. I've tried to talk to him about taking care of his self more, seeing a Dr etc and he gets upset about that. He has let his own self go and talk alot about his childhood and how he was brought up. Everytime our kid does some he always comparing them to him as a kid. I'm not secually attracted to my husband anymore like I get anxiety if he touch me. I guess this is a chapter of my life were I just got to end, because expecting him to change and he hasn't yet will continue to be a waste of my time.


If he's talking a lot about his childhood would he be open to counseling?

You can't make him change, and it sounds like you've tried to get him to help himself. I'm not a fan of divorce but I agree you can't do this all by yourself. And with 4 kids!

Did he change or was he always like this?
What does he do all day?


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## Amy6789 (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> If he's talking a lot about his childhood would he be open to counseling?
> 
> You can't make him change, and it sounds like you've tried to get him to help himself. I'm not a fan of divorce but I agree you can't do this all by yourself. And with 4 kids!
> 
> ...


Well, he does cook dinner some days, he takes the kids to school and pick them up everyday, while I'm working. He iron their clothes and I help get them up and dressed for school. But mainly he is just here watching basketball playing fanduel. He doesn't bond with our kids, our youngest have autism and instead while he's home I feel he can take her out to the library or do learning with her in his spare time. I multi task I help her with learning while even working sometimes. It's hard to get him to go to her therapy some days that I have to work. I've tried so hard and so long I'm just mentally frustrated. I've started taking medication to mellow my moods because my anxiety and depression has went through the roof.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Amy6789 said:


> Well, he does cook dinner some days, he takes the kids to school and pick them up everyday, while I'm working. He iron their clothes and I help get them up and dressed for school. But mainly he is just here watching basketball playing fanduel. He doesn't bond with our kids, our youngest have autism and instead while he's home I feel he can take her out to the library or do learning with her in his spare time. I multi task I help her with learning while even working sometimes. It's hard to get him to go to her therapy some days that I have to work. I've tried so hard and so long I'm just mentally frustrated. I've started taking medication to mellow my moods because my anxiety and depression has went through the roof.


What does he say when you talk to him about these things?

It sounds like he’s not completely checked out, so that’s at least something.

What about the couples counseling idea? Would he go? Have you asked about it?

The balance of work in your relationship is not in a good place for you. He needs to realize this and adjust, or the way forward gets much harder. The best way to make him realize is communication, but if he’s not listening then a 3rd party (counselor) could be a help. If that doesn’t work then more drastic actions might be needed (stop doing things for him, separation). If after all that he doesn’t want to be your spouse properly then accommodate him.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

If he chooses not to be a partner for you - divorce him. He may NEVER hold a job.
Send him to his mommy’s house - that’s where he belongs.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Amy6789 said:


> Well, he does cook dinner some days, he takes the kids to school and pick them up everyday, while I'm working. He iron their clothes and I help get them up and dressed for school. But mainly he is just here watching basketball playing fanduel. He doesn't bond with our kids, our youngest have autism and instead while he's home I feel he can take her out to the library or do learning with her in his spare time. I multi task I help her with learning while even working sometimes. It's hard to get him to go to her therapy some days that I have to work. I've tried so hard and so long I'm just mentally frustrated. I've started taking medication to mellow my moods because my anxiety and depression has went through the roof.


So he's a stay at home dad but a sh-t one.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Amy6789 said:


> Im finally at the end, I can't take anymore! This man will not keep a job to help support his family for nothing and it's so sad. I work from home full time dealing with angry customers, so it's very frustrating. I love my job I make good money but I didn't get married and have 4 kids just to be doing it alone. He done went on so many interviews this year, most of them hired him he will work a few days and quit. Gets really defensive when I talk about a job to him. Not really a good father because he only discipline our kids instead of building a bond with them. They afraid to even come to him and talk about anything. What annoys me the most is he still expects sex. We literally don't talk or have a connection. I've tried to talk to him about taking care of his self more, seeing a Dr etc and he gets upset about that. He has let his own self go and talk alot about his childhood and how he was brought up. Everytime our kid does some he always comparing them to him as a kid. I'm not secually attracted to my husband anymore like I get anxiety if he touch me. I guess this is a chapter of my life were I just got to end, because expecting him to change and he hasn't yet will continue to be a waste of my time.


He's probably one of those guys who only got married to have a source for regular sex. He's not a good dad and he's not a good husband and he's nothing but a liability. I wouldn't waste any more years on him. And I wouldn't be having sex with him. He won't want to be married once you quit having sex with him. I hope you can afford an attorney.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Amy6789 said:


> Im finally at the end, I can't take anymore! This man will not keep a job to help support his family for nothing and it's so sad. I work from home full time dealing with angry customers, so it's very frustrating. I love my job I make good money but I didn't get married and have 4 kids just to be doing it alone. He done went on so many interviews this year, most of them hired him he will work a few days and quit. Gets really defensive when I talk about a job to him. Not really a good father because he only discipline our kids instead of building a bond with them. They afraid to even come to him and talk about anything. What annoys me the most is he still expects sex. We literally don't talk or have a connection. I've tried to talk to him about taking care of his self more, seeing a Dr etc and he gets upset about that. He has let his own self go and talk alot about his childhood and how he was brought up. Everytime our kid does some he always comparing them to him as a kid. I'm not secually attracted to my husband anymore like I get anxiety if he touch me. I guess this is a chapter of my life were I just got to end, because expecting him to change and he hasn't yet will continue to be a waste of my time.


What was the situation when you married? Was he in a steady, high powered profession, or was he always a job-hopper?

What was his expectation? That he would be a stay-at-home father? Is the issue that he's staying at home and not working, or that you are unhappy with the level of his performance as a stay-at-home spouse?


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## Tiddytok5 (8 mo ago)

Amy6789 said:


> Im finally at the end, I can't take anymore! This man will not keep a job to help support his family for nothing and it's so sad. I work from home full time dealing with angry customers, so it's very frustrating. I love my job I make good money but I didn't get married and have 4 kids just to be doing it alone. He done went on so many interviews this year, most of them hired him he will work a few days and quit. Gets really defensive when I talk about a job to him. Not really a good father because he only discipline our kids instead of building a bond with them. They afraid to even come to him and talk about anything. What annoys me the most is he still expects sex. We literally don't talk or have a connection. I've tried to talk to him about taking care of his self more, seeing a Dr etc and he gets upset about that. He has let his own self go and talk alot about his childhood and how he was brought up. Everytime our kid does some he always comparing them to him as a kid. I'm not secually attracted to my husband anymore like I get anxiety if he touch me. I guess this is a chapter of my life were I just got to end, because expecting him to change and he hasn't yet will continue to be a waste of my time.



Get angry enough at yourself and channel that anger into actually divorcing and leaving.



Stop tolerating it.

If he's always been like this the entire relationship, why marry him and conceive children with him??


If he showed zero interest in being a parent to the first child, why keep having more with him??


Learn how to love yourself enough to divorce.
Divorce and continue to learn how to love yourself.

You have very little to no self esteem and respect.


Stop intentionally tramautizing your children.

Get out of that dysfunctional and toxic environment. 

They deserve a chance at peace.


Also, I highly advise that you stop conceiving children with him.

I highly advise that you stop being physically active with him too.

He's done nothing to deserve you, your body, your womb repeatedly.


Let him find someone else to mooch off of.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

He sound seriously depressed; that doesn't mean the marriage needs to continue but you can discuss that with him. I'd be inclined to identify some serious steps if he doesn't correct himself, in 45 days I will be seeing an attorney if you're not working at a steady job (and do it) and thereafter would expect to file for divorce within 30.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Amy6789 said:


> Im finally at the end, I can't take anymore! This man will not keep a job to help support his family for nothing and it's so sad. I work from home full time dealing with angry customers, so it's very frustrating. I love my job I make good money but I didn't get married and have 4 kids just to be doing it alone. He done went on so many interviews this year, most of them hired him he will work a few days and quit. Gets really defensive when I talk about a job to him. Not really a good father because he only discipline our kids instead of building a bond with them. They afraid to even come to him and talk about anything. What annoys me the most is he still expects sex. We literally don't talk or have a connection. I've tried to talk to him about taking care of his self more, seeing a Dr etc and he gets upset about that. He has let his own self go and talk alot about his childhood and how he was brought up. Everytime our kid does some he always comparing them to him as a kid. I'm not secually attracted to my husband anymore like I get anxiety if he touch me. I guess this is a chapter of my life were I just got to end, because expecting him to change and he hasn't yet will continue to be a waste of my time.


Reminds me of my Dad.
He would be out of work for months at a time and when he did get a job he`d have a way about him that used to wind his co-workers up.
At one time he worked at a factory and upset his co-workers so much that they tried to beat my dad and he ended up having to make a run for it.
My Dad also had a malicious nature, he could be nasty.
My mother had to tolerate him and more often she had to work to pay the bills.
Some men are just like that and doubt your husband will change.
You have to decide the best way forward for you and your kids.


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## Kitcat30 (4 mo ago)

Amy6789 said:


> Im finally at the end, I can't take anymore! This man will not keep a job to help support his family for nothing and it's so sad. I work from home full time dealing with angry customers, so it's very frustrating. I love my job I make good money but I didn't get married and have 4 kids just to be doing it alone. He done went on so many interviews this year, most of them hired him he will work a few days and quit. Gets really defensive when I talk about a job to him. Not really a good father because he only discipline our kids instead of building a bond with them. They afraid to even come to him and talk about anything. What annoys me the most is he still expects sex. We literally don't talk or have a connection. I've tried to talk to him about taking care of his self more, seeing a Dr etc and he gets upset about that. He has let his own self go and talk alot about his childhood and how he was brought up. Everytime our kid does some he always comparing them to him as a kid. I'm not secually attracted to my husband anymore like I get anxiety if he touch me. I guess this is a chapter of my life were I just got to end, because expecting him to change and he hasn't yet will continue to be a waste of my time.


My marriage was like yours. We are finally getting divorced. For over a year he didn't work a propa job, all now he is still struggling financially. He got very angry and bitter with me towards the end and pretty much tried to pin the blame on me, that I was disrespectful and I didn't care ect ect... what this has to do with him being broke is beyond me. When a man decides he doesn't want to do **** all with his life, especially when he has a family to take care of there is very little you can do. My husband believes he really did try, but his own interests and free time is all he really cared about, these are the type of men that don't want to make sacrifices to care for their own family. They don't want to work hard and support the family. You are better off without, believe me there is better out there.


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