# Admitting to depression. Want to better myself.



## comeaux (Jan 29, 2010)

This is the first time I've ever posted here... I just found this website today. I feel like I am beginning to have problems with depression. I was diagnosed with it when I was about 12 or 13 years old, and was prescribed many different types of medications to see what would work, all of which had horrible outcomes. After about a year of constantly switching medications that made me feel worse and not finding any relief, I switched doctors. He prescribed me klonopin for anxiety. This seems to help, so I figured that maybe I wasn't depressed, or it could have just been situational, and that I just had anxiety issues. I stopped seeing my doctor as much and was just taking the klonopin, and now a few years later, I'm starting to admit that I still have the feelings of depression.

I'm newly engaged, and I fear becoming irrational and driving him away. He treats me incredibly well. He is a kind a wonderful man, and my best friend. We have no problems being open and honest with each other. I told him that I was worried about having these feelings, we're just not sure what to do. He wants to help, and I want to help myself, I'm just not sure how to go about that. I'm terrified to try any medications for depression after the disastrous endeavors I had when I was younger. 

I'm finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning, even though I love the morning. I'm having issues with low self esteem, even though my fiance tells me multiple times a day that he thinks I'm beautiful - which drives him crazy, understandably. I am fearing that maybe I am becoming too dependent on him being there all the time. I hate that. Lately when he tells me he is going out with his friends I almost feel anxious or jealous. That's the worst thing! I want him to go see his friends, and do his thing, believe me! I just can't understand where that feeling is coming from, but boy, do I want it to go away! I trust him completely, and I know 100% that he is faithful to me, and will always be. So that's not the problem..

He works with the Fire dept. so sometimes he is gone 24 hours at a time, which leaves me home alone some nights. I feel like I can't sleep when he's not home. I feel like such a sissy saying that!  

I'm not sure what the meaning of my post is. Maybe someone has had similar issues and can relate to me. Maybe I just need to admit it somehow. I want to get over these feelings. I know that there is no basis, but sometimes it creates a bit of tension. I don't want to do that to him anymore. I know he's understanding, but he's a good man and I want to be the best wife I can be for him.

Anyone?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

comeaux said:


> He wants to help, and I want to help myself, I'm just not sure how to go about that.


That's great that you recognize it and are looking for help! I also suffer from depression and it has taken its toll on my marriage. It has affected my marriage. So, dont be afraid that you will get irrational and that it will effect your marriage, because, it will. just accept that. Part of coping with depression is learning not to be afraid of it. Accept who you are. all of you.

the hardest thing you will learn, and also your H, is that there is nothing your H can do to help you. that doesnt mean he doesnt love you. but it means he needs to take care of himself and let you learn to deal with your issues. 

dont be afraid of your issues. you are going to have problems. but you can work through them. And i did say work through them, not avoid them. learning to heal is the point of your journey. you are exactly as you should be. You need to have these trials to heal yourself. 

There are a lot of books out there you can read to help you heal. Seat of the Soul, Emotional IQ, Radical Forgiveness, and Feeling Good are a few of the ones i have read. they have all helped me. Feeling Good really helped me. it was the first time i felt like someone understood what i was going through. I also go to counseling. After five counselors over the course of six years i have found one i really like. that helps, too. 



comeaux said:


> Lately when he tells me he is going out with his friends I almost feel anxious or jealous. That's the worst thing! I want him to go see his friends, and do his thing, believe me! I just can't understand where that feeling is coming from, but boy, do I want it to go away! I trust him completely, and I know 100% that he is faithful to me, and will always be. So that's not the problem..
> 
> He works with the Fire dept. so sometimes he is gone 24 hours at a time, which leaves me home alone some nights. I feel like I can't sleep when he's not home. I feel like such a sissy saying that!


I understand your feelings completely. after five years being with my H i still struggle when he goes out without me. Even though I dont want to feel that way, and i feel bad for giving him a guilt trip. Sometimes i just cant help myself. 

My H and I did a great boundaries book and workbook called Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Cloud and Townsend. I also did Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book and workbook. We did one section a night and wrote each others answers. It took us a couple years to really start respecting each other and ourselves. 

And another thing i have just started doing, after four years of living in my shell, is getting out there again and reclaiming my individuality. I lost it the moment i met my H. I dropped my friends, my job, my everything. I literally did not leave the house for days at a time. I have not, in four years, hung out with anyone other then my H. I got extremely depressed. But now im finding myself again and making friends. it feels really great. Dont get me wrong, it was no easy road and many days i thought id never get there, but things are finally looking up. Reevaluating my concept of love was extremely hard. At the time it felt like if i reclaimed my individuality i would some how lose the love i had for my H, which was scary. So to pull away a little was painful. I did lose the love i had, but it was an unhealthy love so i needed to lose it and regain a new love. 

So keep your eye on the goal, but remember, you have to go through these trials and you cant go around them. You will have to learn what you came here to learn. Dont be afraid of it. Just learn from your experiences. 

And dont put your H on a pedestal. He picked you. He chose to have these trials with you. That is love. He has things he needs to learn on his journey, too, and believe it or not, you are helping him heal and learn, also. One day you will both appreciate these trials for the perspective they give you both on what it means to love each other.


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## rick_bachman (Jan 27, 2010)

Sometimes medication takes time for it to filter through your system, and if you're not on the correct medication then you might not be getting the desired benefits.

For years my wife was known to get depressed, and various medications did not help. She finally figured out that she was bi-polar, and the medication appears to be working. (for the most part).

But yes, it is great that you want to get help or want to better yourself. My wife tried the same thing for years, to better herself. I'm not saying that it didn't work, because it did. But her self improvement could only take her so far before she needed the medication to help her.

Some people manage without medication - they keep journals and charts of their mood swings/depression states. I would recommend this because the more you keep track of what you're doing when you're entering these states, you can figure out what is triggering those events. 

For instance if you're depressed because you look at the ever growing stack of bills, then you know that you shouldn't let them pile up, or you ask for help in going over them.

Try and figure out what the triggers are to your depression, because that will help you deal with the situation before they affect you emotionally, or become so daunting that you can't face the issue head on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What do you do with your time? Do you have goals that you work to achieve?

Do you volunteer anywhere?

Do you exercise?

Do you regularly see a therapist to work through where your issues came from and receive instructions on how to get past them?

All these things are helpful, if not necessary, for someone struggling with depression.


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