# Who comes first?



## husbandinlove (Dec 6, 2009)

Hello everyone,

I hope i can take a survey from the world on the subject, "Who should come first?"

My wife and I have just completed 5 years of marriage. One of the major issues we have is that she always puts her family first. I don't think thats correct. What do you guys think?

We recently fell into financial hardship and had to end up living at her parents home. I had to swallow my pride and accept these terms. Needless to say, the style of living that my in-laws carried did not match mine. Basically, they were slobs. My mother in law kept the kitchen very very dirty. I would keep asking please do something about it , but she found it to be normal. We had rats, roaches crawling on us at night because of it. It got very frustrating and DISGUSTING. Everyone knows that after asking somebody to do something a thousand times, it gets to the point where you start screaming? Well such is this case. That is their biggest complaint about me. I yell and scream. Well, no one ever asks why do I scream and yell.

Let me go back a little further. My father in law decided to go to the United states to work and send money back for his wife. He left me taking the responsibility of his wife and his bills.So now I have my financial stress duplicated.

2 years went by, living at the in laws. I would struggle to pay the bills. Everything I made went to either to the bills and or fixing my in-law's house. If I am to complain about something and not do anything to fix it, I would be as much to blame. Got to the point where i could not take anymore.

I saved enough money and took my wife and we left and live into a small apartment. Well, that didn't go to well. We ended up separating. Its been almost 6 moths now. And I miss my wife greatly. I love her so much, but i feel that love in this case is only one sided. She is stating that I am to apologize to her mom, for yelling and screaming, and that she did nothing wrong.

What do you guys think?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Your wife or husband (in your wife case) should always be first.

Each of our parents should be shown respect even if it's difficult and you must bite your tongue at times.

In some instances, where the parents are "crazy" or evil or extremely difficult then you need to distance yourself or flat our cut off communication.

If you and your wife cannot agree to this basic setup, then perhaps separating is the best. 

Yelling and screaming does nothing to get your point across. It just shows that you are out of control. Walk away and don't look back, if that is the only way that you can communicate with your wife and her parents.


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## betrayed81 (Dec 11, 2009)

husband first man your suppost to be number one besides if u got kids 
understandable that she cares about her mom but seperatin over an apology to her mom for 6 month is a bit much, i feel for you ive been seperated and served ith papers been 3 weeks for me so i say apologize but stay away from her mom


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

If you are to be a solid productive family you have to have priorties set.. Think about how the cycles of life have happened for you... The answers are there..

First in the world was YOU!! You are first..

Second is your Wife.. You commited yourself to her so she needs to be tops...

Third are the kids. They were produced from the love you shared for each other. (Most People bump this up top) Yet thats why marriages fail.. The focus is off the 2 of you and over time you disconnect from each other then affairs start and the in love feeling goes cause neither are focusing on the marriage..

Forth the House/Home.. You all need a place to live thats safe and secure for your family..

Fifth.. Well thats the Extended family.. 


So put her and your in order for what it is now.. See how different it is...


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Husbands and wives need to come first to each other - always, even over their children. With that being said, you still need to apologize to her mother. Yelling and screaming at her about how she decides to keep her own house is her business, not yours. If she was content living like that in her own home, then that is her choice, not yours to comment on as a guest in her home. If it were your home, then it would be up to you to set the standards.


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