# Head all over….



## messeduplady (May 31, 2012)

I instigated divorce proceedings against my husband after discovering that he was having yet another EA. He has had 4 over the past ten years, all short lived, all work based, predominately all email or WhatsApp chat/flirting. No physical activity until this last one, but no intercourse / full on adultery.

Almost immediately after discovering EA, he stated that he had made a huge mistake and wants only me. This was now 5 months ago, and he hasn’t faltered on this. He is agreeing to all divorce requests, acknowledging his responsibility and is undergoing counselling. 
He states that his behaviour was akin to an addiction, that he knew it was wrong but couldn’t stop. He is now disgusted by his behaviour, and remorseful of course. I have no reason to doubt that he is telling the truth, he willingly and truthfully answers any questions that I have, and is transparent about everything that he does / phones etc. 

Okay, so he wants to be with me whatever it takes, and wants us to try again once the divorce is done. He acknowledges that I / we would have a huge amount to work on but feels that it would be worth it. We are meeting weekly and have a definite connection still between us, the attraction is still there but I then remember what he has done and I don’t want him but when I’m with him I do want him.

We can’t effectively distance ourselves, and I feel so weak when actually I’m pretty strong now- so what’s going on here, is this going back and forth usual / normal? Struggling so much 😞


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why can't you distance yourselves? Ask him to leave. You will never move on until you cut contact.


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## messeduplady (May 31, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Why can't you distance yourselves? Ask him to leave. You will never move on until you cut contact.


We have two sons, one at home still, and that isn’t helping, plus there’s been a number of things that have required contact including a family bereavement, house issues. I’m being pathetic I think, need to be firmer with him regarding separation.

mum lonely, can’t really go anywhere and so he’s the person who is easiest to be with I suppose. I love him still of course, and it feels like we are drawn to each other constantly.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Here’s something for you to think about. Have you considered that he is trying to appease you just until the divorce is finalised so that you don’t really look for everything you should be entitled to in the agreement? How will you feel about yourself if he tells you after the divorce that he doesn’t want to get back with you after all and he wants to be a single man. 
You will never be able to move on with your life until you stop contacting him for anything other than arrangements for your kids.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@messeduplady Are you sure they are not physical?


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