# Success Stories: Bad/No Sex to Great Sex



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

There are so many depressing stories here on TAM that I thought it might be nice to collect together some good ones!

Did you and your other go from none/bad/boring/starfish to OMG is this the same person !

What did you do to turn the tables?


----------



## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

I’ve told my story several times but I’ll add it here. 
I’m a 34yo female and have been married to my 35yo old husband for 15 years. 3 kids. 

When we first started having sex it was AMAZING. He was my first real sexual experience. We got married young and had sex every night and sex marathons on the weekends. I loved sex! 
I never took any kind of birth control but it took us almost 5 years before I got pregnant (fertility problems with me). After I had our first baby, I was exhausted and our sex life took a little dip. We started having sex maybe 3-4 times a week. Still more than most people, I guess, but it was less than before. This was also the first time in my life that I was on a birth control pill. 
A couple years later we had another baby. I was again put on a birth control pill after baby was born. Sex life took another hit. This time it was a little worse. We started having sex 2, maybe 3 times a week. I was less interested in sex and more interested in sleep. I still enjoyed sex after it started but I had to force myself to let it get started. Husband started complaining around this time. I talked to my doctor about it and was told that it was normal after having a couple of kids and I was just a tired mom. Friends told me to tell Husband to get over it since we were still having sex more than they were. I ordered several “herbal remedies” to boost sex drive but nothing helped. 

Then I had a third baby... I assumed that this would probably really hurt our sex life since it had gotten progressively worse with each kid. I knew I was going to be exhausted with 3 kids. I was breastfeeding and since I had had problems with milk supply with the first 2 babies, I decided to not go on birth control immediately after this one was born (since that can sometimes be a side effect). 
I couldn’t even wait the full 6 weeks to have sex. I wanted it all the time. I remember one night in particular thinking (during sex) that this was crazy to be 2 months postpartum and feel like a sex goddess. I felt so sexy. My husband and I talked about how strange it was that I wanted sex suddenly even with a newborn. I didn’t know what had changed but I was very happy with it. 
Then when baby was 8 months old we got nervous about not being on birth control. The doctor recommended the depo shot this time since the 3rd baby had been conceived while I was on the pill. So I got the shot... Within 2 months I was no longer interested in sex. Then it went from no interest to actually hating sex. I was forcing myself to do it maybe once a week and pretending to like it. Things that used to feel good just felt irritating. I remember one time laying there while my husband was performing oral sex on me and I was pretending to enjoy it but really I was clenching my fists and felt rage the whole time. Like I wanted to hit him and make him stop. I’d just pull him up and tell him to **** me and try to make it sexy. I completely stopped getting wet. I wasn’t even masturbating at all. Husband knew something was up but didn’t know how bad things were. He was very considerate during this time but I still felt awful about it. It wasn’t just the sex either. I was more angry and less interested in other things. I kept hearing the phrase “touched out” on Mom groups so I assumed that was it. I didn’t want to cuddle with husband. He’d come home from work and want to hug and kiss me and I’d barely do that. I felt really standoffish. I know he was hurt by it. 

Anyway... After about a year of that I was doing some reading about the shot and came across something about it lowering sex drive and making women feel depressed and angry. I decided to stop getting it and we started using condoms instead. After a few months things started getting better. One night we were in the middle of sex when we both realized at the same time that I was wet. It was so exciting! Stuff started feeling good again! A while later I started fantasizing about sex and actually wanting things to happen. I was pushing his head down south every chance I got. Lol. 
Now we are back to having sex almost every night and several times on the weekend. I’d say anywhere from 5-7 times a week. We only take breaks now because HE’S tired. I want it all the time and I’m discovering my kinky side. Even when I can’t have sex (I don’t like period sex) I’m asking to give him BJs and handjobs because I actually want to. I enjoy it. Outside of the bedroom I’m flirty again and super affectionate. He’s made the comment before that it’s good to have me back. 

So for me, it seems to have all been tied to hormonal birth control. I’m high drive but the birth control pills lowered my drive and the shot killed it. 
Now it’s back and it’s awesome! 🙂


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

From bad sex to good sex.....hahahahahahahah

Only way I know is to find a new partner!


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Expect this to be a very short list.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I knew a guy whose wife was wayyyy LD. He discovered through tiny hints that she placed and lots of reading that his wife wished to be tightly and roughly dominated. He wasn’t into this necessarily, but he wished to have an active sex life and this did seem to do the trick for his wife. So he learned all the dom stuff and applied it. For awhile, he exclaimed “omg who are you?!” 

But the problem was he wasn’t really into that kind of sex. Unless he pretended to be a dominant sadistic type of person, she wasn’t aroused by him. 

Eventually it all unraveled, they divorced, and he later found a woman who matches his type of sexual style. They lived in sexual bliss happily ever after. 

His ex wife is still sexless and will likely never re-partner. Her arousal is only there in response to one very specific thing. That thing definitely shocked and amazed the husband when it was “unleashed”. But since it didn’t turn him on, it was totally unsustainable.


----------



## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Ok I will contribute. Learning how to have an 'efficient' orgasm pretty much changed things. Learning about male sexuality changed things. Being less selfish. I won't speak for my H, but....he learned to be less sexually introverted.


----------



## TedRabb (Aug 13, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> I knew a guy whose wife was wayyyy LD. He discovered through tiny hints that she placed and lots of reading that his wife wished to be tightly and roughly dominated. He wasn’t into this necessarily, but he wished to have an active sex life and this did seem to do the trick for his wife. So he learned all the dom stuff and applied it. For awhile, he exclaimed “omg who are you?!”
> 
> But the problem was he wasn’t really into that kind of sex. Unless he pretended to be a dominant sadistic type of person, she wasn’t aroused by him.
> 
> ...


I don't understand much and didn't understand about some womens preference for this until recently. 
I (men) was conditioned to be respectful and considerate with women. This does not always work well in the bedroom.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Mr.Married said:


> What did you do to turn the tables?


Stopped complaining about the quality of intimacy in my marriage and instead started complimenting it. This in turn helped to improve our overall self confidence. 

We still complain to each other A LOT, but these days it now comes across as a joke and we both laugh. I like to be unrealistically overconfident and extremely self critical simultaneously. If my wife is not in the mood I'll tell her to expect me get really passionate, aggressive and that I will really rock her world tonight, but that she will have to climb on top and do all the work since my back hurts from working in the yard... then I'll pretend to be scared of "her" getting too rough with me and ask if we can reschedule until later in the week. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

yes, when I got a new girlfriend at the age of 20... the previous one sucked... the new one sucked a lot, but in a different way... :grin2: then enters my wife... from good sex to bad sex to no sex... ah well... :laugh:


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

My sex life has improved 10 fold.

Married 6 years. First couple years I was sex crazed and pushed relentlessly for sex daily. Husband is lower drive, lower T, low FSH, and could not keep up. Constant pressure to perform causes physical issues, and mental issues in our marriage. Lots of selfishness, rejection, and hurt feelings.

We tried specialists, marriage and sex counseling, dozens of books, etc. 

What worked for us: 
I slowed my roll. By calming down and taking his preferences and feelings into account I realized that if I didn't badger for sex that we would both enjoy it more. Quality over frequency.
I stood up for myself. I stopped tolerating one sided sex sessions, and made my pleasure and orgasm an equal priority to his. 
MOSTLY we learned to communicate better and a lot more. 

Communication, love, and compromise are the key points. We both want to please each other and try to fulfill each others wishes. I try not to pester for sex, and he tries to make an effort to initiate/think about sex more. If something hurts or bothers us we talk about it right away rather than let it build up and turn into a melt down.

Of course things still aren't 100% but considering where we started I think we are doing A okay. 

We had an awesome romp last night which has left me really wanting more today. I know he will not be up for sex today so I'll have to control myself to not initiate or beg. Sometimes it sucks to suppress my feelings but I remind myself what a great time I had yesterday and that I won't have to wait long. It's give and take. If I pressure him into sex today it won't be very good, and won't be nearly as satisfying as if I would give him a bit to recharge. So I'll settle for some snuggling.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My sex life has improved 10 fold.
> 
> Married 6 years. First couple years I was sex crazed and pushed relentlessly for sex daily. Husband is lower drive, lower T, low FSH, and could not keep up. Constant pressure to perform causes physical issues, and mental issues in our marriage. Lots of selfishness, rejection, and hurt feelings.
> 
> ...


I'm glad you consider this a success story--not sure everyone would. But it sounds like y'all have pursued many avenues on your way.

I'm wondering if y'all considered you masturbating for him or using toys in any of several ways that might help your needs? This should be with the no pressure understanding that he should only watch or participate with toys maybe only as he chooses. There are many ways if he is comfortable with this.

NOT trying to rain on your parade.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

sunsetmist said:


> I'm glad you consider this a success story--not sure everyone would. But it sounds like y'all have pursued many avenues on your way.
> 
> I'm wondering if y'all considered you masturbating for him or using toys in any of several ways that might help your needs? This should be with the no pressure understanding that he should only watch or participate with toys maybe only as he chooses. There are many ways if he is comfortable with this.
> 
> NOT trying to rain on your parade.


I want to be clear that we are not sexless in any way. We still have sex 2-4 times a week so I am definitely not sex starved. 99% of the time I don't crave daily sex anymore anyway. So we are usually pretty matched on frequency now. It's only every once in a while that I want it more than him and I have no problem masturbating if I can't stand to wait. He also does use toys on me. He doesn't leave me hanging.

Our shift was mostly about attitude change. We both used to get really upset and frustrated with each other sexually. It is a night and day difference now. He is very good about taking my needs seriously, even if he is worn out he will use the vibrator. He may not be that primal 24/7 naturally horny man that I used to desire but he is a willing partner. Which is all I can really expect without changing partners. 

He is all the man I need though. What he lacks in sexual desire he makes up for in being an awesome husband. I am sick and coughed for over 4 hours straight during the night last week. He sat up in bed and held me and rubbed my back, got me drinks, moved my pillows, etc all night. Even though he had to get up at 5am and go to work. That is love.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I guess I have a success story. I went from having sex a handful of times a year and then no sex for a couple of years at a time to daily sex.

I divorced the selfish, passive, possibly asexual or gay man and then remarried a man who has a sex drive.

I feel immensely successful and not nearly as depressed.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I was LD for years. Thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing in a marriage. However, physically I was not. I recognized I was failing in this department. I turned it around. Just yesterday my W stated, "We are kinky bastards."


----------



## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> There are so many depressing stories here on TAM that I thought it might be nice to collect together some good ones!
> 
> Did you and your other go from none/bad/boring/starfish to OMG is this the same person !
> 
> What did you do to turn the tables?


I met my wife when she was a senior in HS and I had just graduated. We both sucked in bed due to a lack of experience. Years later we got back together and married. Now, I'd say we are both pretty decent lovers, great for each other Time/experience was the main factor in improvement.


----------

