# Women's mid-life crisis: Info? Links?



## missad (May 16, 2011)

Hello, Long time lurker, first time poster. 40, married 7 years, but together 15, one child.

I've been searching for information about Women's mid-life crises because I think I'm having one. There's very little info out there, it seems. Does anyone know of any sites or blogs with info about the  _emotional_ part of a women's mid-life crisis?

I did come across this blog, as well, in case anyone else is looking for something along those lines: http://thepastwillconsumeme.blogspot.com/

Husband is somewhat supportive, but it really is up to me to figure this out. Does anyone have any other resources?

Thanks.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I almost started crying when I read this book. 

Amazon.com: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About(TM): Premenopause: Balance Your Hormones and Your Life from Thirty to Fifty (9780446615396): John R. Lee, Jesse Hanley, Virginia Hopkins: Books

In it he addresses the emotional aspects of growing older. That book was the catalyst to motivating me to seek help mind, body and spirit to what was going on in my life.

As a result I'm eating better, working out, taking more time for me, resting, fixing things in my life that I've been ignoring for years, I'm in therapy, taking black cohosh for mood swings, and as a result I'm feeling much happier and content with my life.

I wish I would have started these things years ago. I'm 45.


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## askwhynot (May 17, 2011)

I've noticed my wife displaying signs of pre-menopause. I am very patient and try to be supportive and nice. She reuses to go to a doctor. She gets upset when I even suggest it. We have one child, a daughter, 20, who is in college. My wife's temper is short, and I can't seem to do anything right lately. Our sex life is non-existent. How do I get her to accept what's happening to her? I'm clueless.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

missad said:


> Hello, Long time lurker, first time poster. 40, married 7 years, but together 15, one child.
> 
> I've been searching for information about Women's mid-life crises because I think I'm having one. There's very little info out there, it seems. Does anyone know of any sites or blogs with info about the  _emotional_ part of a women's mid-life crisis?
> 
> ...


I give you credit for seeking help. My wife of 16 years has made some major changes in her life and put all the blame on me. I truly believe she is suffering from a mid-life crisis and I am taking the brunt of it. Our marriage was very healthy and all around us thought the perfect one. In February shocked me with a call for divorce. Her job changed and stess increased last year when all this started happening. I want to help her, but find myself being the last person whe will listen to.

Best of luck!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> I almost started crying when I read this book.
> 
> Amazon.com: What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About(TM): Premenopause: Balance Your Hormones and Your Life from Thirty to Fifty (9780446615396): John R. Lee, Jesse Hanley, Virginia Hopkins: Books
> 
> ...


Wondering if I got this for her how she would react. She is 46 and going through something that has changed her.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

This is me said:


> Wondering if I got this for her how she would react. She is 46 and going through something that has changed her.


I don't know my sister is 40 and is going through a similar crisis but she isn't hearing that premenopause has anything to do with it. It's still her job, her boyfriend, her family, whatever. Has nothing to do with hormones she says. Alrighty then stay miserable...


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## missad (May 16, 2011)

Thanks for the info, magnoliagal, I'll definitely check it out. I have no doubt that hormones have something to do with it.

This Is Me, I know a lot of people who can't look at themselves. Even if you get the book for her, it may not hurt to read it yourself. May be a good way to segue if she sees you reading it first?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

missad said:


> Thanks for the info, magnoliagal, I'll definitely check it out. I have no doubt that hormones have something to do with it.


The best diet for hormones is the zone diet. I eat 5 small meals a day and it really helps keep my hormones stable. It is the same type diet recommended in that book. Just had my nighttime smoothie. Yum!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

For men mid life is the time when they look back and see what they’ve achieved, take stock of the present and start re-planning for the future. It is most certainly to do with age and time of life, we know we’re not getting any younger and need to adjust accordingly.

I think a lot of women go through the same thing. Particularly those who may feel they’ve been somehow held back from their ambitions by having children. It’s a time when some women want to “test themselves”.

But on top of that women have the great hormonal changes brought on by menopause, something that men just don’t experience. I think those women that adjust well post menopausal, especially after a hysterectomy, get a great sense of sexual freedom in that they are now guaranteed not to get pregnant and I sometimes think this is why their sex drive increases because they are no longer consciously or subconsciously inhibiting it.

Bob


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MIssad : how is your mid life Crisis manifesting itself? What are you struggling with, what changes ? 

Life Challenges: The Emotional Toll of a Mid Life Crisis

I feel like I went through one - It was an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be "young" again, experience the Lust of youth in all forms. I was awfully conservative in my youth and I feel like I missed very much of what other young people experience in life. 

I took my husband along for the ride, talking about my feelings the whole way through. He was very understanding and up for whatever I wanted to do, even coming centimeters from being in a Head banging concert Mosh Pit. We also visited Strip Clubs, something I would have never in my life been comfortable with because of my beliefs. My whole mid life crisis was "sexual" as crazy as that sounds, no care for going to college, climbing Mt Everest, getting into Politics, starting a exercise regimine, taking up gardening, changing my spouse or building a new house. Crazy changes happen in mid life it seems. 

Here are some books on the issue at Amazon >>> Amazon.com: mid life crisis book: Books


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

This is me said:


> Wondering if I got this for her how she would react. She is 46 and going through something that has changed her.


If nothing else, you can get it for yourself so that you can gain an understanding of the changes your wife may be going through. There is also another companion book geared toward menopause, for when a woman gets to that stage of her life. I have these books and have found them very helpful.

I have also found the website "womentowomen" Women to Women — Changing women's health — naturally helpful in giving common sense advice. There are a lot of things that a woman can do to help balance her hormones that don't have anything to do with taking any kind of replacement therapy - things that Magnoliagal mentioned, such as exercise and nutrition (including nutritional supplements). It's also a good thing to consider getting your thyroid levels checked at this time of life. I noticed (well, so did everybody else) that I was getting grumpier and having a lot harder time keeping all of the balls in the air, so to speak. I told my doc that I felt like I was "winding down". When I said that, he immediately did a thyroid panel, and guess what - yes - it was way out of whack.

The 40's can be a very trying time for many women. I am mid-forties and have been on a pre-menopausal swing for the last 3 years. It is not fun. I have been to the doctor - they have tested my female hormones. Hey - they are all normal - but in perimenopause they start to swing back and forth more wildly even though they may still be in the 'normal' range. Sometimes you do okay, sometimes not so much. One thing that is VERY helpful, it to have a caring, understanding husband during this time.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel like I went through one - It was an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be "young" again, experience the Lust of youth in all forms. I was awfully conservative in my youth and I feel like I missed very much of what other young people experience in life.


As well as physical changes, I also went through a phase like this. It was really crazy - although it likely did help me bond with my teen-age son at the time, since I seemed to have a lot of silly adolescent interests at that time.  It took me about a year to snap out of it.


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## missad (May 16, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> MIssad : how is your mid life Crisis manifesting itself? What are you struggling with, what changes ?


Oh geez, it's a long story, but I'll try to make it short.

I'm thinking about the woulda's and coulda's. I don't feel the need to be "young" again. I hated my youth and I would never want to go back there unless I could go back with the knowledge I have now. My life really started, IMO, when I was 22 or so. I also don't feel a need to work out, buy a new car, find a young dude to fawn over me, etc. I just want to make sure that I'm happy with the way things are and I don't really know for sure.

I don't regret one decision I've made, BUT I know I've not let myself "be me" throughout most of my marriage. Emotionally, mentally, etc, my husband is great and I remember when we met (we were 24) that I knew I had to make concessions/compromises. Maybe this belongs in the "Sex" Forum topic, but some of the concessions I made were sexual. He is much more conservative than I am and I didn't express my boredom with our sex life and, as it turns out, our marriage in general until recently.

I also realized I was in denial about a couple of things from my youth - how I felt about people, etc; nothing traumatic (I'm very aware of my past traumas).

It's so hard for me to explain because there are so many things rolling around in my head.

The one thing I do know is that if I didn't get a handle on this that I would do something really really stupid and jeopardize my marriage. I've had to try and nip this in the bud. I think I'm doing okay, considering the lack of general resources (IMO).

I'm preoccupied with the woulda coulda's. And what the hell do I want? What happens if my husband doesn't want to/can't/ forgets/ etc to accomodate? How much am I willing to give up and how much am I willing to ask for? Where's my "line?" How long do I keep "fighting" for this relationship?

I've been seeing a counselor to help sort all this out and progress has been made, but the ultimate question is "Am I happy?"

Does any of this make sense? I sometimes feel really, really crazy. This is also why I think hormones play a part here. :crazy:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Women's mid life crisis? That's that thing from 16-62.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

missad said:


> Does any of this make sense? I sometimes feel really, really crazy. This is also why I think hormones play a part here. :crazy:


All of it. Yes it's hormones and change of life stuff. I feel the same way. In a way it's empowering because it's forcing me to make those huge changes that I've been too afraid to do before.


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