# Please stop stalking me here



## stillhoping

I know you are still reading what I post here. These are my private thoughts and you are no longer entitled to know them.


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## Holland

It is a public forum and if you put your "private" thoughts out there they really are no longer private.

You could open a new account and not give away details to show who you are IRL.


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## stillhoping

You are absolutely correct, I keep expecting behaviors that I know I am not going to be able to get.


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## Holland

Does it help you to post here? If so then don't stop but get a new username. For me there is something really healing about posting on forums.


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## stillhoping

I love posting here, even when I stretch the truth or write my worst thoughts, I get some relief from being here with all of you. I will think about getting a new user name


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## that_girl

It is a public forum. Anyone can read.


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## BrockLanders

stillhoping said:


> I love posting here, even when I stretch the truth or write my worst thoughts, I get some relief from being here with all of you. I will think about getting a new user name


Stillhoping2?

:lol:


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## stillhoping

I think I better give up on the hoping, don't you?? Maybe something more focused on the future


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## larry.gray

You can always try the private forum.


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## YupItsMe

stillhoping said:


> I know you are still reading what I post here. These are my private thoughts and you are no longer entitled to know them.


No one is ever "entitled" to "know your private thoughts"

Once they are posted in public they arent private.

There are many solutions available. Posting as you did sintone of them. 

End of story


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## stillhoping

That's true, however, the thoughts I post here are meant to be anonymous and not for the person who is causing me all the pain. That person lost the right to care what I think or do, that's why you left, right? I come here to get relief from my pain, not to worry about the one person who recognizes me here and what he might think or do with the information


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## EleGirl

So you think your ex is following your posts here? What have they done to make you think this?


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## Freak On a Leash

If someone is harassing you here on this forum you can talk to the mods if you have concrete proof of this being done here, such as PMs, posts, etc. If that's not the case then you are on your own. 

If it's just reading and no harassment and you insist on posting as yourself then there's not much you can do. You can change your user name but if your posts are like mine and full of details/info then you'll get "found out" fairly quickly or you'll have to take steps to post with very general and nonspecific posts that are very short on details. 

My STBXH would take about 5 seconds upon reading my posts to figure out who it is. I wouldn't like him to read my posts but we're divorced as of this Monday and he'd have to live with it and so would I.. Part of divorce is that you are BOTH free to do as you please and can go forward living your own life without worrying about what the other person does or thinks. 

If you are in the middle of divorce proceedings and you are concerned that his reading and knowing what's contained in your posts here will affect your settlement then you should take steps to protect your identity and refrain from writing anything that could hurt you.

If your are already divorced and it's just affecting you emotionally, you need to stop caring about what he does and says and if he's spending his free time reading your posts here then obviously that goes for him too.  Both of you need to move on.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Stalkers don't respond to polite requests.

Letting them know they're getting under your skin feeds their sickness. 

There is a Stalking Guidebook (not a hobbyist publication, lol) among other helpful and practical, concrete, action-oriented resources at this site: 
Stalking


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## Freak On a Leash

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Stalkers don't respond to polite requests.
> 
> Letting them know they're getting under your skin feeds their sickness.


:iagree: So true. If this person is reading your posts and letting you know they are it may be just to get under your skin. Worst thing you can do is feed them by posting stuff like this thread.


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## inarut

If he is seriously stalking you going private will be useless. He can go private too. Change your user name and put some false trivial info around the main issues you want to explore. It will take a bit of imagination but can be done.

Also, homemaker numero uno is right. You can't be at all nice or polite with a stalker. Be very firm and direct in telling him to leave you alone. If firm and direct doesn't work then be mean. Stalkers are manipulators, they play on your goodness. Most (all) are actually very weak . Once you take a real strong stand they shrink away. If they don't then you have a real problem in your hands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash

Whatever you do, don't fight your battles on this forum. Personally, I'd change my user name and move on. Be nonspecific with what you post under your new name, don't add fuel to the fire and chances are the stalking will end. It's pretty boring to stalk someone who simply doesn't care or react. 

I've been posting on forums for years. Since the dawn of the Net. Best thing to do with trolls and troublemakers is to just pretend they don't exist. Nothing pisses them off more.


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## geek down

This forum DOES have an ignore feature as well..


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## inarut

BrockLanders said:


> Stillhoping2?
> 
> :lol:


He makes a good point if your user name is related to your "stalker"
m.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

Does he have a user name here? IF so just block him.


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## Freak On a Leash

geek down said:


> This forum DOES have an ignore feature as well..


That's a good point! But I get the feeling that she's just "aware" that he's "out there" reading her posts. Perhaps he drops hints or says things? Who knows. :scratchhead: Could be wrong. If so, just block/ignore him. Can't hurt.


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## nice777guy

My Ex "found" me here - post divorce. Really bothered me at first. But then when I looked at what I'd written I realized I had nothing to be ashamed of.

Still, was an interesting lesson in how "anonymous" we really are(n't) here.


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## Freak On a Leash

:rofl::lol: I'm about as anonymous as Barack Obama.  

I've thought about how my STBXH would react to my posts. It would probably piss him off about all the stuff I've written here but better here than Facebook.  

I don't think any of it would surprise him but seeing it written down all in one place would be a shocker. I know I wouldn't want to see his posts if he was discussing me someplace. Who knows what he says in AA? 

We each have our sides and we each have contributed to the problems in our marriage. But the marriage is soon to be over so there's no point in dwelling and rehashing. He'd have to deal with it. I think I'd just say, "if you don't like what I have to say about you, don't read about it."

When my husband and I were still married he took real issue with me being friends with and having contact with certain people in my life. Out of respect for him (and a certain amount of fear, sad to say) I cut those people out of my life. Now I'm reestablishing contact with them again. I know he'll find out and well, it's too damn bad for him, he'll have to deal with it. If he says anything or makes an issue of it I'll tell him to shove it. But something tells me he won't..as long as he stays sober. But if he doesn't stay sober he's a nonentity in my life anyway.

Feels pretty damn good. I love divorce! :smthumbup:


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## nice777guy

The way I saw it - my story as a whole - nothing to feel bad about or hide.

But who is going to read the whole story when the Ex is feeding them one-sided Cliff's Notes that make you just sound like The Bitter Ex?

Bottom line - have seen a lot of people panic - change names - try to erase history. But if they continue to "track" you post divorce - says a lot more about them than it does about you.


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## Freak On a Leash

You can also go back and delete your old posts and threads. 

But to be honest, if your ex is so caught up in tracking you in this manner then fine, let them waste their time. What I'd be concerned about is having my ex post in my threads and try to defend himself or argue with me, etc. That could get very nasty and messy indeed. It would be hard not to engage. 

The last thing you want is to get drawn out into a public battle. At the very least it would get you banned. That said, if you are getting grief from your ex or anyone else then you send a PM to the mods and let them settle it but never engage in a battle yourself. Just makes you look bad. 

That's many years of posting in internet forums dealing with everything from car racing to kayaking talking.


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## PBear

You could just post on here about what a lousy lover your ex was. And poor hygiene, below average equipment, etc...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## geek down

PBear said:


> poor hygiene, below average equipment, etc...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Buddy, thats no way to talk about yourself...One day you will bloom into that beautiful butterfly....Some people just take longer then others..


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## stillhoping

Thanks so much. One time he actually sent me the copy and paster text I posted here, about the narcisstic side of him, believe it or not. I said, well if that isn't narcissistic, assuming the post is about you, I don't know what is. I have changed my name twice already, but I probably include too many personal details so he found me again. He never posts that I know of. The last time was that I posted about him taking the kids to meet his new girlfriend and that one of the boys was upset, he called that kid the following day to ask about it! No way he had that info unless he read it here. ANyway, you are correct, let him read or not, I know this is a place you put only one side, its a place to vent and met up with people who share my experience and I am not going to stop. What I am going to do is continue with my addiction therapy and focus on myself now, no more energy on him. He screwed up, abandoned a long marriage, one that could have used a tune up, but not one for the trash heap. I am fabulous and I am moving on with your help


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## geek down

Stillhoping....You can't control what someone else does. 

You could limit your posting and the info in it, but that wouldn't help you. Only other advice I can offer is, let him...Let him read it and let him go nuts. Will that change what you feel or think? 

Let him b!tch and moan..Rise above it....like you've been doing..


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## stillhoping

The other side of this is that all this posting I do about wanting to save my marriage and what is wrong with him, just keeps me in that place, time to move on. So, from now on if he reads anything here it will be about my fabulous new life. About the old friend who looked me up and spent the last 6 months reminding me that I am a sensuous, sexy lady. Who calls me cute, sexy and adorable and rubs my feet and back, even when I didn't ask for it. Who never let me get out of bed in the morning unless he had my tea ready for me. About how last night my friends messaged me to join them for dinner. How I have a "date" with my single lady friends tonight, out on the town, another date tomorrow night and family fun on Sunday for Easter. All while working at a job I love and finishing my PhD! So there


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## Freak On a Leash

:smthumbup: It sounds like you are doing a great job in moving on from your marriage and your past life with him. When you don't care if he reads your posts or not, then you'll be truly over him. 

Whatever you do, don't confront him about it or discuss ANYTHING you have mentioned here that he may bring up or react to. Just ignore it, act like it never happened. If he chooses to use the info that you post by copying and pasting and sending it to you then block his email. But don't tell him you are doing ANYTHING. Just do it. 

It'll shut him down eventually because doing stuff like that is proving that it's bothering HIM and he's looking to turn it around and use it against you. Don't fall for that. Just ignore it. Soon you'll just laugh at it. 

And it could come in handy. He took what you wrote seriously enough about your son to call him up and ask him about it. I see that as a good thing.  I can imagine this guy just sitting there reading what he wrote and getting all worked up about. It's pretty hilarious thought. 

Oh wait..I'll put in my .02..

*"HELLO!! MR. STILL HOPING'S EX..YOU ARE A LOSER! GET A LIFE!!!!!!!*

That should do it. He's left the building now.


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## stillhoping

Freak, I am laughing out loud!


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## Freak On a Leash

Anything I can do to help.


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