# Online dating - I do not understand it



## Almost-Done

So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.

Am I missing something?


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## Personal

Almost-Done said:


> So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.
> 
> Am I missing something?


Well judging by those stats, just as long as you e-mail 50 women a week at least two weeks in advance, you may have regular dates on weekends.


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## Wolf1974

Almost-Done said:


> So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.
> 
> Am I missing something?


Nope for men it's a numbers game. Keep emailing over and over until they say no or you get hits. Sorry man that's just the way it goes. I also found it runs in cycles. Maybe one wee nothing next week you're talking to 5 women and have 3 dates. Be patient


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## _anonymous_

Which sites are you using? Some are better than others, so you might want to experiment with a few more sites, especially if they run a free trial period.

If you have a female friend that you trust, maybe have her review your profile and give you feedback? Mom doesn't count. Go for objectivity, with the intention of verifying if your profile is as good as you think. Too much detail can defeat your purpose, so be careful about that.



Wolf1974 said:


> Nope for men it's a numbers game. Be patient


Absolutely agree with his. The more women you contact, the better your odds of being contacted. Patience and persistence will serve you well.

You might also try local Meetup groups. I wouldn't advise just going to events to meet single women, but if an event aligns with your hobbies, why not go and see who shows up? There's the potential of finding someone with common interests. Just an idea... **** luck!


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## Almost-Done

Personal said:


> Well judging by those stats, just as long as you e-mail 50 women a week at least two weeks in advance, you may have regular dates on weekends.


No dates yet.


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## Almost-Done

Wolf1974 said:


> Nope for men it's a numbers game. Keep emailing over and over until they say no or you get hits. Sorry man that's just the way it goes. I also found it runs in cycles. Maybe one wee nothing next week you're talking to 5 women and have 3 dates. Be patient


If they don't respond to my initial message, I just go to the next one. I see they view the profile and read the message, just not interested.


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## Almost-Done

_anonymous_ said:


> Which sites are you using? Some are better than others, so you might want to experiment with a few more sites, especially if they run a free trial period.
> 
> If you have a female friend that you trust, maybe have her review your profile and give you feedback? Mom doesn't count. Go for objectivity, with the intention of verifying if your profile is as good as you think. Too much detail can defeat your purpose, so be careful about that.
> 
> 
> 
> Absolutely agree with his. The more women you contact, the better your odds of being contacted. Patience and persistence will serve you well.
> 
> You might also try local Meetup groups. I wouldn't advise just going to events to meet single women, but if an event aligns with your hobbies, why not go and see who shows up? There's the potential of finding someone with common interests. Just an idea... **** luck!


No, no friends. Lost them in the divorce. lol. Guess they were either pu$$ies or never real friends in the first place. I am using Christian Mingle & *******. Tried Meetup, met a psyco. Striking out left and right... Rejection sucks. Not sure which is worse, being rejected by my then wife for the years or being rejected by dozens of women. Seems like a means to an end.


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## Personal

If you're using a Christian dating site, how about meeting women in church/community groups and seeing where that goes if and when you find people you like?


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## arbitrator

*I'm largely in the same boat using the online dating sites. I am a non-paying member of two, POF and *******, and there are no women on there who really attract my interest for various and sundry reasons, or who are preeminently too short at 5'1" or less matched up against my 6'4" frame, or who are just way too old for me by up to 10 years; or who I read into their profile as their being prolifically and unapologetically un-Christian or who are gold diggers looking much more for their financial rather than emotional security!

The only contacts I really seem to get are by some far-eastern or Ukrainian women who hardly speak a word of English, or very few of them anyway!

Perhaps things would be better if I took out a paid subscription much rather than an unpaid one!*


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## Faithful Wife

Almost-Done said:


> So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.
> 
> Am I missing something?


Describe yourself for us. Is there a celebrity you resemble to help us create a mental picture of you?

How tall are you?

Describe the type of women and their typical height that you are reaching out to. What is interesting about them to you? Is it mainly driven by their pictures? If so, what strikes you about them?


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## Wolf1974

Almost-Done said:


> If they don't respond to my initial message, I just go to the next one. I see they view the profile and read the message, just not interested.


This could be a mistake. Women typically get a lot of interest on those sites and so they could have 25-50 emails a day depending on thier profile, attractiveness, population of area and so on. Sometimes they are speaking to someone else so just deleting all emails they are getting then when that falls through they start responding to emails again. I have a few female friends who have done this. My suggestion is send your emails and if you don't hear back after a few weeks and see their profile pop up again email them again and sometimes they bite.

Met my GF on Match after third email I sent


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## Rowan

Almost-Done said:


> No, no friends. Lost them in the divorce. lol. Guess they were either pu$$ies or never real friends in the first place. I am using Christian Mingle & *******. Tried Meetup, met a psyco. Striking out left and right... Rejection sucks. Not sure which is worse, being rejected by my then wife for the years or being rejected by dozens of women. Seems like a means to an end.


Forgive my somewhat brutal honesty, but you read here as slightly bitter. Are you 100% sure your profile doesn't have any whiff of that attached to it? Bitterness, desperation, neediness and hostility/anger are usually really quick turnoffs for women when reading men's dating profiles or emails. A little humor, a laid back attitude, self confidence, and an emotionally healthy and healed vibe post-divorce are positives. No friends is also a turnoff, so get out there and make some new ones - or at least some good acquaintances you can hang out with and potentially introduce a new woman to. Be realistic about both yourself and the women you're filtering your results to see. Use good pictures that are both flattering and convey reality. Beyond that, yes, it's largely a numbers game.


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## Evinrude58

It's definitely a numbers thing and definitely cyclic.
Don't be discouraged.

My suspicion:

1/2 of the women on those sites are there for getting ego boosts.
They get a kick out of men wanting them and probably make fun of many with their bff's.

You've got to have this attitude: 
I only need to meet 1 good lady, and it could be worth it.
And realize that you eventually will for sure get some interest.

You MUST be patient. Can't stress that enough. I see the same women I've seen 2 years ago on those sites. The ones that aren't answering--- they probably don't answer 1/200 guys. Or are dating and ignoring as suggested, getting their ego kibbles while they're dating around.

Be patient. It'll happen.


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## Spicy

DH said this was absolutely the case, that the women on those have their pick. Even though I was only on a site briefly, it was truly overwhelming the amount of men that started talking to me every single day. I was totally overwhelmed because I hadn't ever done this, nor had I dated since I was a teen.

I tried to politely reply to everyone, after taking the time to read their profile. If they put next to no effort into their profile, I wasn't going to be interested. I was floored how fast they all asked for a date. Now, I think, DUH it's a DATING site, but I just wasn't that far progressed yet!

Love can definitely be found, so don't give up!


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## RandomDude

Almost-Done said:


> So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.
> 
> Am I missing something?


The most success I had was on *******, where I had around maybe 5 photos, a very short profile mostly filled with humor and not taking it seriously, and that's that. I began sending messages to women, and my results were quite favorable; 50% reply rate, and around 5 visitors per week, all of which replied, but most didn't get past the initial 5-10 lines. Findings below:



> Match
> Immediately after making a profile, got winks and likes straight away, then the profiles disappeared after I subscribed and messaged them. After googling, turns out this is common - match scamming people into subscribing, and I feel like an idiot. Regardless I can't get a refund so that's over a hundred dollars down the drain already. So far, few matches, most profiles are offline, others are extremely materialistic/unrealistic/disgusting.
> 
> Spent - $130 AUD
> Result - 0 dates, 1 conversation (1 email recieved, 2 sent), out of 50 'winks', out of 100 profiles (2% chance of initiating a conversation)
> 
> Impression - the site is designed to take advantage of vulnerable singles and con you out of money. STAY AWAY
> 
> 
> *******
> Very good so far, alot of profiles and easy to chat and meet the ladies - who actually respond. Free to use.
> 
> Spent - $0 AUD
> Result - 2 dates (good), 1 date cancelled (by me), 12 conversations, out of 25 profiles (50% chance of initiation a conversation)
> Impression - Promising
> 
> Tinder:
> Decent, only problem is the lack of options for filtering out the matches, you have to go left/right individually which will take time - and doesn't help if you are as picky as me. Still it can kill time while you are bored. Messaging is free, and girls message back.
> 
> Spent - $0 AUD
> Result - 1 date (bad), 12 conversations, out of 16 matches - out of perhaps 50 that I swiped right to, (24% chance of initiation a conversation)
> 
> Impression - A real numbers game, but it works. Suggestion if you are a male, to swipe right to every photo and choose your matches from there, for me however - I just can't do that.
> 
> FINAL RESULTS: Through ******* I met two potentials. One I'm currently dating, and the other sitting in the backburner hehe, but hey, I recommend ******* compared to the 3 other options based on my experience - though limited. I'm focusing on continuing to see my date so I'm no longer looking much on the sites.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/328353-online-dating-recommendations.html

That was 3 sites I tried in the past, I also tried a more adult-orientated site which was quite favorable but grossed out pretty quick. Another app I tried was Skout, which had similar results to *******, my current girlfriend I met on Skout. So yeah depends on the site too, and your location of course - if most of the women in your city use one app, best to use that one over my recommendations. I believe ******* and Skout works best because of the number of ACTIVE members.


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## shldzy

I find 95% of females on any dating website are only on there because they are bored and only on there to fill in time whilst waiting for an Uber, on lunch break at work, laying in bed trying to fall asleep!

I also found that 85% of them are single mums who are now thinking about how FKN stupid they are, and are looking for suckers (good blokes) to be a daddy because the males they had the kids to (bad guys) are all drop kicks!

If you want to meet people online you have to pay for it. Ash ley mad ison, not everyone on there are cheating or in relationships!!

Also try RSVP 
Tinder is also the best, a bit shallow but at least people are honest!


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## Chuck71

I've had pretty good luck on POF and OKC. As RandomDude said, Match is a joke. But they do honor the 6 month guarantee. There are many scammers on Match.... and you get messages from the Far East and "Eastern Bloc" Europe on OKC. They're easy to spot though.

I have always said many women are on the sites for attention, many guys are on there for sex. And we all know some women trade sex for attention and some men trade attention for sex. Just the way it is.

Since my break up in November.... I did profiles again on POF, OKC, and meetme (female friend recommended it). Meetme is an obvious "attention site" why.... the females actually tell me this.

I recommend profiles on those three and..... sit back. I get plenty of emails, initiated by the female. Would I date all that initiated, oh he!! no.... but you have a much better chance of it being a legit conversation than you emailed 50 a day and they play tag with all their emails.

OKC has a Quickmatch.... but you have to be a paying member to see who it is..... unless she clicked the star button as well. Then you're told you are a match. In other words click the star as much as you can.... you'd be surprised. Sometimes.... you will get an email saying xxx likes you, but that's semi-rare. 

POF has a MeetMe section.... if the female says yes and even maybe, you get an email about who it is. You can view her profile without being signed in. If you are new meat.... you will have 50 yes within the first week. There are quality people on POF and OKC but there also are the dregs of society too. Free site, whatcha expect?

And..... this time around I tried Zoosk. It is $30/month or $60/3 month but like Match... they have additional upgrades they want to nickel and dime you to death on. Now you don't have to pay (like Match) but gosh darn, you can't reply to emails! Now for the spin.... Zoosk has an upgrade, $10/month where guys can email females who are not paying members. About 50% of the females on Zoosk aren't paying. When you just get a wink wink (free) from a female.... and you reply.... 90% of the time you get crickets. They're not paying member and you haven't done the $10 upgrade. To me... if a female wants to meet a quality guy, swipe that debit card just like we do.

Zoosk has a Views section..... you can see who viewed you. Even though you don't click on their profile, Zoosk notifies the female that you viewed her too. I have been on there for two months and I'm going to cancel in a few days. I have 500 views.... and if I went through each one.... within one hour, half of the 500 have viewed me again. No other way to explain it.

I have a very short profile, mostly because everyone window shops. See the pic, like the pic, email. We all know guys do that but the females do as well. On POF I have want kids and have none.... over 50% of my emails are from women 40 and up who does not want kids or "can't." So much for reading profiles huh?

Hope this helps......


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## Lila

OP, two questions...

Do you mention your recent divorce in your post? If so, that may be a deterrent on sites like Christian Mingle. Right or wrong, the assumption is that newly divorced people are only looking for a rebound. In other words, not good long term relationship material. 

Are you being realistic in your search criteria? I had a good friend who was failing miserably at online dating only to find out that his search range was limited to very fit, beautiful, young women (5-15 years younger). He was none of those things. 

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife

shldzy said:


> I find 95% of females on any dating website are only on there because they are bored and only on there to fill in time whilst waiting for an Uber, on lunch break at work, laying in bed trying to fall asleep!
> 
> I also found that 85% of them are single mums who are now thinking about how FKN stupid they are, and are looking for suckers (good blokes) to be a daddy because the males they had the kids to (bad guys) are all drop kicks!


And 85 - 95% of men on there are older, out of shape, sometimes jobless/have no car/live with their mothers and are looking to hook up for just sex with young, hot women who are completely out of their league, even though they describe themselves as looking for a relationship.


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## Chuck71

Faithful Wife said:


> And 85 - 95% of men on there are older, out of shape, sometimes jobless/have no car/live with their mothers and are looking to hook up for just sex with young, hot women who are completely out of their league, even though they describe themselves as looking for a relationship.


And many are "stay at home moms" even though their children are grown, are "retired" at 38 with

a HS education (disability), are 32 with four kids by three guys but want to find love (roommate 

to share bills), hate the bar scene but can down a 12 pack before I open my 4th beer,

has prom pic up.... from not 2015 but 1995, pics of their kids with captions of their names

and what school they attend (creepy as ****), are general laborers (janitor) and a HS drop out

with more tats than Dennis Rodman but call me shallow when me, a PhD candidate who prefers 

intellectuals and people who ENJOY reading do not wish to meet them LOL

OLD in the 21st century.... strap in.... it's a bumpy ride for both!!!

*{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.

February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.

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## Yorkie_Lover

Almost-Done: 

How do you know your profile is “good detailed profile of me”? 

You need a profile that markets you as being emotionally healthy, physically fit, financially secure, intellectually sharp, responsible and somehow indicates that you are a person capable of caring for another. It should describe what is important to you in life and what you are looking for in a partner. You must use current pictures. Having a trusted female friend who knows you critique your profile can be useful. 

When I was on POF, I used to look at other men’s profiles just to see what kinds of things they wrote. I would have to say that not many men do a stellar job of marketing themselves. 

Pay sites like eHarmony or Match generally produce better results than non-pay sites. Why? Because people that are willing to pay for a subscription are serious about finding a mate. 

Beyond that, it is a numbers game and it does come in cycles as someone mentioned. The sea is deep and wide, but sometimes the bite just isn't on. Then the tide changes and there's a fish on every pole and that gets hard to handle.

I met my fiancee on eharmony. While that site has some shortcomings, (you don't search, eharmony searches for you) and they sometimes do serve up non-active user profiles), I can't argue with the results I obtained. 

Patience is a virtue: I met (in person) at least 35 women in the course of two years before I found the right one. 

Good luck!


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## Diana7

I met my husband on a Christian dating site in the UK. One of my children met their spouse also on a christian dating site. I also know about 7 or 8 other couples who did as well. 

If you choose a decent site(not a free one), one that is national rather than international(less scammers),and be cautious and careful, you can met really nice people, at least I did. You have to be patient though, I was on dating sites for 2 years before I met my husband, although I only actually met 3 men before him but communicated on line with several more. 

So many meet this way now, but obviously not every one will meet their soul mate.


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## Faithful Wife

Chuck71 said:


> And many are "stay at home moms" even though their children are grown, are "retired" at 38 with
> 
> a HS education (disability), are 32 with four kids by three guys but want to find love (roommate
> 
> to share bills), hate the bar scene but can down a 12 pack before I open my 4th beer,
> 
> has prom pic up.... from not 2015 but 1995, pics of their kids with captions of their names
> 
> and what school they attend (creepy as ****), are general laborers (janitor) and a HS drop out
> 
> with more tats than Dennis Rodman but call me shallow when me, a PhD candidate who prefers
> 
> intellectuals and people who ENJOY reading do not wish to meet them LOL
> 
> OLD in the 21st century.... strap in.... it's a bumpy ride for both!!!


Yes...I know...I get it. I was just responding to that drive by poster's comments about all the horrible nasty women in online dating (like what you just said).

There's really no reason to point out how horrible either men or women on there are. Instead it is accurate to say "there are some really strange people with strange expectations". Why make it sound like only horrible women, but only honorable men (as in the drive by poster's comment)? If I see people do that and cast a dark shadow across the opposite gender, I'm going to come in and drop comments like this one.

*{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.

February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.

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## TX-SC

I really hope and pray I never have to get into online dating. It seems like such a hassle. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## jorgegene

TX-SC said:


> I really hope and pray I never have to get into online dating. It seems like such a hassle.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


oh believe me, it is.

it can get results, but it is a hassle.

but then, so is dating in general.

reason I avoided it for a long time.


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## Almost-Done

Personal said:


> If you're using a Christian dating site, how about meeting women in church/community groups and seeing where that goes if and when you find people you like?


I thought it would be a nice change. There's one church near me, about everyone is married or elderly. Not a big church person.


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## Almost-Done

arbitrator said:


> *I'm largely in the same boat using the online dating sites. I am a non-paying member of two, POF and *******, and there are no women on there who really attract my interest for various and sundry reasons, or who are preeminently too short at 5'1" or less matched up against my 6'4" frame, or who are just way too old for me by up to 10 years; or who I read into their profile as their being prolifically and unapologetically un-Christian or who are gold diggers looking much more for their financial rather than emotional security!
> 
> The only contacts I really seem to get are by some far-eastern or Ukrainian women who hardly speak a word of English, or very few of them anyway!
> 
> Perhaps things would be better if I took out a paid subscription much rather than an unpaid one!*


I thought being a paid member it would help, so far, not really.


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## Almost-Done

Faithful Wife said:


> Describe yourself for us. Is there a celebrity you resemble to help us create a mental picture of you?
> 
> How tall are you?
> 
> Describe the type of women and their typical height that you are reaching out to. What is interesting about them to you? Is it mainly driven by their pictures? If so, what strikes you about them?


Colleagues tell me I am a taller and thinner Kevin James. I'm only 5'11'', so I know many women want 6'' and higher. Reach out to any woman that has similar interests, between 5'2'' - 5'9'' and within 10 years younger and two years older. I look for like interests, exercising, sports, activities, etc. Yes, the pictures are important, but I always reference something in their description, not the pics.


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## Almost-Done

Wolf1974 said:


> This could be a mistake. Women typically get a lot of interest on those sites and so they could have 25-50 emails a day depending on thier profile, attractiveness, population of area and so on. Sometimes they are speaking to someone else so just deleting all emails they are getting then when that falls through they start responding to emails again. I have a few female friends who have done this. My suggestion is send your emails and if you don't hear back after a few weeks and see their profile pop up again email them again and sometimes they bite.
> 
> Met my GF on Match after third email I sent


I've started to follow up with them, one did reply. Though, it said I was too far away (30 miles).


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## Almost-Done

Rowan said:


> Forgive my somewhat brutal honesty, but you read here as slightly bitter. Are you 100% sure your profile doesn't have any whiff of that attached to it? Bitterness, desperation, neediness and hostility/anger are usually really quick turnoffs for women when reading men's dating profiles or emails. A little humor, a laid back attitude, self confidence, and an emotionally healthy and healed vibe post-divorce are positives. No friends is also a turnoff, so get out there and make some new ones - or at least some good acquaintances you can hang out with and potentially introduce a new woman to. Be realistic about both yourself and the women you're filtering your results to see. Use good pictures that are both flattering and convey reality. Beyond that, yes, it's largely a numbers game.


No, it's quite upbeat and positive. It just pops into my head that my ex-wife did state that I would have a problem finding another woman, and that is why I stayed with her. So, to me, it's like hearing something she said actually come true. That's why I am a bit down. I'm actually a glass half full type of person. Mid 30's, too late to make friends.


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## Almost-Done

Evinrude58 said:


> It's definitely a numbers thing and definitely cyclic.
> Don't be discouraged.
> 
> My suspicion:
> 
> 1/2 of the women on those sites are there for getting ego boosts.
> They get a kick out of men wanting them and probably make fun of many with their bff's.
> 
> You've got to have this attitude:
> I only need to meet 1 good lady, and it could be worth it.
> And realize that you eventually will for sure get some interest.
> 
> You MUST be patient. Can't stress that enough. I see the same women I've seen 2 years ago on those sites. The ones that aren't answering--- they probably don't answer 1/200 guys. Or are dating and ignoring as suggested, getting their ego kibbles while they're dating around.
> 
> Be patient. It'll happen.


Agreed. About 6 of the women I e-mailed last week took their pics down or disabled their profile. I guess they get overwhelmed.


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## Almost-Done

Spicy said:


> DH said this was absolutely the case, that the women on those have their pick. Even though I was only on a site briefly, it was truly overwhelming the amount of men that started talking to me every single day. I was totally overwhelmed because I hadn't ever done this, nor had I dated since I was a teen.
> 
> I tried to politely reply to everyone, after taking the time to read their profile. If they put next to no effort into their profile, I wasn't going to be interested. I was floored how fast they all asked for a date. Now, I think, DUH it's a DATING site, but I just wasn't that far progressed yet!
> 
> Love can definitely be found, so don't give up!


No doubt. I can imagine all the notifications the women receive. I might try something like eharmony or chemistry. Just a bit weary as that was where I met my ex-wife, and that was a trainwreck.


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## Almost-Done

shldzy said:


> I find 95% of females on any dating website are only on there because they are bored and only on there to fill in time whilst waiting for an Uber, on lunch break at work, laying in bed trying to fall asleep!
> 
> I also found that 85% of them are single mums who are now thinking about how FKN stupid they are, and are looking for suckers (good blokes) to be a daddy because the males they had the kids to (bad guys) are all drop kicks!
> 
> If you want to meet people online you have to pay for it. Ash ley mad ison, not everyone on there are cheating or in relationships!!
> 
> Also try RSVP
> Tinder is also the best, a bit shallow but at least people are honest!


It seems, from what I hear, Tinder is just a sex app. Not really just looking for sex.


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## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> I've had pretty good luck on POF and OKC. As RandomDude said, Match is a joke. But they do honor the 6 month guarantee. There are many scammers on Match.... and you get messages from the Far East and "Eastern Bloc" Europe on OKC. They're easy to spot though.
> 
> I have always said many women are on the sites for attention, many guys are on there for sex. And we all know some women trade sex for attention and some men trade attention for sex. Just the way it is.
> 
> Since my break up in November.... I did profiles again on POF, OKC, and meetme (female friend recommended it). Meetme is an obvious "attention site" why.... the females actually tell me this.
> 
> I recommend profiles on those three and..... sit back. I get plenty of emails, initiated by the female. Would I date all that initiated, oh he!! no.... but you have a much better chance of it being a legit conversation than you emailed 50 a day and they play tag with all their emails.
> 
> OKC has a Quickmatch.... but you have to be a paying member to see who it is..... unless she clicked the star button as well. Then you're told you are a match. In other words click the star as much as you can.... you'd be surprised. Sometimes.... you will get an email saying xxx likes you, but that's semi-rare.
> 
> POF has a MeetMe section.... if the female says yes and even maybe, you get an email about who it is. You can view her profile without being signed in. If you are new meat.... you will have 50 yes within the first week. There are quality people on POF and OKC but there also are the dregs of society too. Free site, whatcha expect?
> 
> And..... this time around I tried Zoosk. It is $30/month or $60/3 month but like Match... they have additional upgrades they want to nickel and dime you to death on. Now you don't have to pay (like Match) but gosh darn, you can't reply to emails! Now for the spin.... Zoosk has an upgrade, $10/month where guys can email females who are not paying members. About 50% of the females on Zoosk aren't paying. When you just get a wink wink (free) from a female.... and you reply.... 90% of the time you get crickets. They're not paying member and you haven't done the $10 upgrade. To me... if a female wants to meet a quality guy, swipe that debit card just like we do.
> 
> Zoosk has a Views section..... you can see who viewed you. Even though you don't click on their profile, Zoosk notifies the female that you viewed her too. I have been on there for two months and I'm going to cancel in a few days. I have 500 views.... and if I went through each one.... within one hour, half of the 500 have viewed me again. No other way to explain it.
> 
> I have a very short profile, mostly because everyone window shops. See the pic, like the pic, email. We all know guys do that but the females do as well. On POF I have want kids and have none.... over 50% of my emails are from women 40 and up who does not want kids or "can't." So much for reading profiles huh?
> 
> Hope this helps......


Maybe I need to cut my profile down a bit. I tried the ******* swipe thing, but no one swiped back. I wonder if any women use it?


----------



## Almost-Done

Lila said:


> OP, two questions...
> 
> Do you mention your recent divorce in your post? If so, that may be a deterrent on sites like Christian Mingle. Right or wrong, the assumption is that newly divorced people are only looking for a rebound. In other words, not good long term relationship material.
> 
> Are you being realistic in your search criteria? I had a good friend who was failing miserably at online dating only to find out that his search range was limited to very fit, beautiful, young women (5-15 years younger). He was none of those things.
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


No, I do not mention my divorce. I mention things I like to do and answer the questions the ******* lists in the profile section. I think I am. I am searching from about 10 years younger to 2 years older. I am fit, relatively successful, and like activities. I also use recent pics which are dated. So far, no luck.


----------



## Almost-Done

Faithful Wife said:


> And 85 - 95% of men on there are older, out of shape, sometimes jobless/have no car/live with their mothers and are looking to hook up for just sex with young, hot women who are completely out of their league, even though they describe themselves as looking for a relationship.



I'm 5'11'', 184 LBS, size 32. Not out of shape. Have a successful business, few cars, own home. All pics are just regular pics, nothing materialistic or gaudy. Not looking for that. One pic is me at the Lincoln Memorial. Others are face and full body shots. I do not have many pics, so when it's nicer I will take more pics.


----------



## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> And many are "stay at home moms" even though their children are grown, are "retired" at 38 with
> 
> a HS education (disability), are 32 with four kids by three guys but want to find love (roommate
> 
> to share bills), hate the bar scene but can down a 12 pack before I open my 4th beer,
> 
> has prom pic up.... from not 2015 but 1995, pics of their kids with captions of their names
> 
> and what school they attend (creepy as ****), are general laborers (janitor) and a HS drop out
> 
> with more tats than Dennis Rodman but call me shallow when me, a PhD candidate who prefers
> 
> intellectuals and people who ENJOY reading do not wish to meet them LOL
> 
> OLD in the 21st century.... strap in.... it's a bumpy ride for both!!!


Might just have to consider going it alone for life... Nothing I'm not unprepared for. It would be nice to share with someone. Though, these days, not sure if this is possible. I feel I was born in a different era. Many seem to have different values and just care about $$$ and status.

*{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.

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----------



## Almost-Done

Yorkie_Lover said:


> Almost-Done:
> 
> How do you know your profile is “good detailed profile of me”?
> 
> You need a profile that markets you as being emotionally healthy, physically fit, financially secure, intellectually sharp, responsible and somehow indicates that you are a person capable of caring for another. It should describe what is important to you in life and what you are looking for in a partner. You must use current pictures. Having a trusted female friend who knows you critique your profile can be useful.
> 
> When I was on POF, I used to look at other men’s profiles just to see what kinds of things they wrote. I would have to say that not many men do a stellar job of marketing themselves.
> 
> Pay sites like eHarmony or Match generally produce better results than non-pay sites. Why? Because people that are willing to pay for a subscription are serious about finding a mate.
> 
> Beyond that, it is a numbers game and it does come in cycles as someone mentioned. The sea is deep and wide, but sometimes the bite just isn't on. Then the tide changes and there's a fish on every pole and that gets hard to handle.
> 
> I met my fiancee on eharmony. While that site has some shortcomings, (you don't search, eharmony searches for you) and they sometimes do serve up non-active user profiles), I can't argue with the results I obtained.
> 
> Patience is a virtue: I met (in person) at least 35 women in the course of two years before I found the right one.
> 
> Good luck!


I did hire a profile reviewer to review my profile a few years ago. I've updated it with new information, but in the same format.


----------



## Almost-Done

TX-SC said:


> I really hope and pray I never have to get into online dating. It seems like such a hassle.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


Yea, makes me think I should had stayed in a loveless, sexless, roommate type of marriage. This is brutal.


----------



## TX-SC

Almost-Done said:


> Yea, makes me think I should had stayed in a loveless, sexless, roommate type of marriage. This is brutal.


Yeah, I imagine it is. I was more talking about the concept of online dating vs going out to social gatherings and the such and doing it the old fashioned way. It just seems like online dating is so stacked against men in general. It's like pimping yourself somehow. You have to sell yourself like a used car salesman. Send out 500 likes and hope one or two respond? Ugh! I hope my wife and I stay married until I die or am too old to worry about dating again. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## Red Sonja

TX-SC said:


> Yeah, I imagine it is. I was more talking about the concept of online dating vs going out to social gatherings and the such and doing it the old fashioned way. *It just seems like online dating is so stacked against men in general.* It's like pimping yourself somehow. You have to sell yourself like a used car salesman. Send out 500 likes and hope one or two respond? Ugh! I hope my wife and I stay married until I die or am too old to worry about dating again.


:lol::rofl::lol::rofl:

Um, it’s stacked against women too. Yes, I get all sorts of attention and messages … however, at least 75% of the conversations turn into a solicitation for sexual talk or nude pictures within 5 minutes or less. Sorry dude, but I am not there to provide you with masturbation fodder.

The remaining 25% message me because they want marriage and children (wtf, I’m 60 years old) or they are looking for a sugar momma.

I can tell that no one, thus far, has read my profile … they just look at the pictures. If they did spend 2 seconds reading, they would know that I am waaaay too old for them, waaaay past childbearing years, am not religious or I live 3000 miles away.

That is my experience thus far. I have been online "dating" for about 6 months. It’s ridiculous.


----------



## pag1617

Almost-Done said:


> So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.
> 
> Am I missing something?


It's instant gratification for women, they get HUNDREDS of messages. Not even kidding, I know this because I just so happened to have met my wife on one. She said she would often get upwards of 100 messages a day. I guess I just stood out to her, but that's after I had been on that site for over two years. But I did the same thing, I would try to write something meaningful, thought provoking, or related to their interests and I maybe had 1 or two responses a week


----------



## Herschel

It's tough to snag yourself a single, successful cute chick on these apps. A couple of friends of mine are on tinder and bumble and they are 30 and attractive and they balance like 25 active conversations at once. It's ridiculous.


----------



## Diana7

TX-SC said:


> I really hope and pray I never have to get into online dating. It seems like such a hassle.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


It can be but I met some really nice people that way. Normal dating is just as much hassle and its harder to meet people anyway.


----------



## Diana7

Herschel said:


> It's tough to snag yourself a single, successful cute chick on these apps. A couple of friends of mine are on tinder and bumble and they are 30 and attractive and they balance like 25 active conversations at once. It's ridiculous.


It is ridiculous, but they are more for meeting for sex rather than for those seeking a proper mature long term relationship.


----------



## Diana7

TX-SC said:


> Yeah, I imagine it is. I was more talking about the concept of online dating vs going out to social gatherings and the such and doing it the old fashioned way. It just seems like online dating is so stacked against men in general. It's like pimping yourself somehow. You have to sell yourself like a used car salesman. Send out 500 likes and hope one or two respond? Ugh! I hope my wife and I stay married until I die or am too old to worry about dating again.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


Christian dating sites are stacked again women. There are far more women than men.


----------



## Diana7

Personal said:


> If you're using a Christian dating site, how about meeting women in church/community groups and seeing where that goes if and when you find people you like?


I used a Christian dating site because there were no available men in their 40's in my church. There aren't in most churches because there are always more women than men. I met my husband on line. He only lived 40 mins drive from me, and in fact his exes parents lived just up the road, but we wouldn't have met any other way than on line.


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## RandomDude

I got perma-banned from POF, bc I made one profile, but screwed it up, tried to change it but it wouldn't. So I made another one to replace my old one, but fked it up too, and another. Then my IP got banned lol

I had tons of messages and very high reply rate in the short times I was there but then I got banned so... whatever lol


----------



## john117

Almost-Done said:


> Might just have to consider going it alone for life... Nothing I'm not unprepared for. It would be nice to share with someone. Though, these days, not sure if this is possible. I feel I was born in a different era. Many seem to have different values and just care about $$$ and status.


I've never tried online dating (yet 😀 ) but the experience of other people my age i know that tried sort of reflects the "dregs of society" comment. Look up Melani Robinson's "one year of online dating at age 50" blog for a better example.

One of my lab rats recently used an online service. The results are, well... Within a few weeks they got engaged and headed for the church later this year. But the "match" worked only to the extent that they're both carbon based life forms, same species, and both love a specific activity. Everything else was a fail. But they were both "desperate" so...


----------



## Satya

I didn't consider it a hassle, but it was like a job. You get out of it what you put in. I'd message 5 men a day and commit to at least 3 dates a week. I was kind and treated men as I'd like to be treated. Used common decency, was polite, classy. Paid for dates that I'd asked for. Listened 50% of the time, spoke 50% of the time. Had some great success and met some really upstanding guys. Dated one for 8 months. Constable Odo found my profile by complete fluke and we were penpals while I was dating, until he asked to meet me informally one night at a local restaurant, and the rest is history. 

Yes, OLD can be a bit of a cesspool, you have to wade through up to your chest to find the things that glint. There is a pervading culture of rudeness, ghosting, insecurity, and most certainly PDs. I actually had fun, because I set my standards high and acted like a woman who has value. Some men just want sex, and those that did avoided my profile like the plague, because it was obviously not the sole reason I had a profile.


----------



## arbitrator

Faithful Wife said:


> *And 85 - 95% of men on there are older, out of shape, sometimes jobless/have no car/live with their mothers and are looking to hook up for just sex with young, hot women(men) who are completely out of their league, even though they describe themselves as looking for a relationship.*


*And I've found that there are just as many women in the very same boat!*


----------



## EllisRedding

Wolf1974 said:


> Nope for men it's a numbers game. Keep emailing over and over until they say no or you get hits. Sorry man that's just the way it goes. I also found it runs in cycles. Maybe one wee nothing next week you're talking to 5 women and have 3 dates. Be patient


Sounds similar to those "Your rich uncle from Zimbabwe, that you didn't know existed and was royalty, just drove off a cliff. Please contact us so we can arrange for you to get his inheritance" scams. Email enough people, you only need to get one or two bites lol


----------



## john117

arbitrator said:


> *And I've found that there are just as many women in the very same boat!*


Names and phone numbers please 😀

That's what the problem really is... Large numbers...


----------



## arbitrator

EllisRedding said:


> Sounds similar to those "Your rich uncle from Zimbabwe, that you didn't know existed and was royalty, just drove off a cliff. Please contact us so we can arrange for you to get his inheritance" scams. Email enough people, you only need to get one or two bites lol


*Ellis: It's the preeminent "one or two bites" that you want to get from the "right people!"

And certainly not the wrong ones! *


----------



## Haiku

Almost-Done said:


> Agreed. About 6 of the women I e-mailed last week took their pics down or disabled their profile.


I'm sorry but that made me chuckle. I imagine if I joined a site there'd be a sudden cloudburst of women jumping off buildings. As soon as I clicked "send" I'd hear "ahhhhhh" and several flashes of something passing my eleventh floor office window.

Hang in there.


----------



## Ynot

OP, just some observations. Over the past two plus years I have had dozens of dates (perhaps over a hundred if you count all the meet and greets) and have enjoyed five relationships along the way. OLD is just like dating in real life. The issue comes from the expectations that the OLD website founders have sold the public. I think most everyone is wanting to meet that special some ONE and these sites pander to that. But the reality is that just as in real life, you still have to sort thru the barrel to find the good apple. Way too many people go into OLD with the idea they are going to find the ONE. So they come into the meeting with high expectations because that old dipstick, Neal Warren told them on TV that he has it all figured out and if you use his site, you will find your ideal mate. 
Instead take the attitude that it isn't any different than in real life. You just have the opportunity to meet more people (women in your case) who are actively looking. The difference is that on OLD the women you see are there for the same reason you are, where as at work or in other social situations that may not be the case. So don't fret about the ones who don't respond or the one's who disappear, or the ones who got away. Go about with the idea you are going to have fun. You are going to meet all sorts of women. Some of them you will dislike from the get go. Some of them you will like, but they won't be interested in you and occasionally you will be interested in one who is interested in you. 
At that point you get to figure out whether their interest in you is real or based on their own neediness. The relationship may blossom and bear fruit or it might die on the vine. Regardless, learn from it and move forward, just like you would in real life. 
Whatever you do, don't go into it looking for the ONE. The universe will put the ONE (if she exists) into your life. The only thing the universe needs from you is your active participation.

But in regards to OLD a few things that have worked for me:
#1) pics - I think anything more than 3 or 4 speaks to vanity. I have four on my profile. When I see a woman with 10-20, all I can think of is that she must be desperate and she is trying to hard. One or two pics is fine as well. No pics, I don't even bother.
#2) profiles - you need to keep in mind that many people are trying to be what society has told them to be, instead of themselves. So don't be surprised when the person turns out different than the profile. Again part of the fun of discovery and not something to worry about.
#3) communicating - do what feels right to you. I message women I am interested in. Sometimes they message back. If they don't, I don't care. I may message them again later. They may have been over loaded or trying to see if a relationship is going to take off, they may have been busy. Whatever, it is just like in life. Let them know you are interested. They may eventually respond. I am not talking about being a stalker, and messaging multiple times a day but there is nothing wrong with sending a message or a wink a few weeks or a few months later. I also limit initial emails to a simple hello or hi or how are you. Don't write a book.
#4) meeting - as I said I prefer to meet sooner. Why waste time texting and emailing for weeks at a time. I feel them out. If they seem like some one I might want to meet, I ask. If they say no or keep putting me off, then they aren't for me anyways.
#5) relationships - here is where IMO most people really screw up. Having a few dates and then ending it is not a failure. You have (or they) just successfully determined that she (or you) are not the right person. You can and should learn something from everyone you meet. Take the lesson and continue with your life. 

Don't give up and don't think your life is over and you will be alone for the rest of your life. There are so many women in the same boat as you. eventually you will meet a few that you can enjoy spending time with.


----------



## Lila

Almost-Done said:


> No, I do not mention my divorce. I mention things I like to do and answer the questions the ******* lists in the profile section. I think I am. I am searching from about 10 years younger to 2 years older. I am fit, relatively successful, and like activities. I also use recent pics which are dated. So far, no luck.


In that case, I don't know what it could. Do you live in a Metropolitan area? 

Something that's becoming more popular where I live are matchmaking services, especially for those age 35+ on solid financial footing. Most come with a hefty price tag (upwards of $1,200) but they guarantee their services. Many of them also provide coaching at no extra cost; this can be anything from profile reviews (including photographing) to recommendations for lifestyle changes. It's an option if you feel comfortable with this sort of thing.


----------



## Vinnydee

I personally know two guys who used online dating. They both told me that they usually had two dates for the weekend and sometimes a lunch and dinner date on the same day. They also told me that they had sex with most of the women they dated and it was the woman's idea. They also both ended up marrying someone they met online and had kids with them. They are still married for a long time. You may want to have someone review your profile and what you are commenting about to the women you are interested in. 

Also, unless you are using a paid dating website, odds are that most of the woman are not looking for dates but are paid to pretend they are various women on the site to get guys to visit it. Use one of the popular web dating sites. You always get what you pay for. Heck, my wife's best friend was looking for a husband who would be OK with an open marriage and she found him. They are married over 25 years. I have only hear things like it gets to be a little too much to have sex with a woman at lunch and then have to change the sheets to have sex with another after dinner. The other friend told me that the first date he had was taking a woman to a Broadway play and halfway through she asked him if he wanted to go to his place fo sex. 

There are a lot of divorce women on dating sites or those that just do not like the bar scene. They come in all sizes, shapes and personalities. Perhaps it is just a matter of learning how to play the game and waiting a little longer.


----------



## Wolf1974

EllisRedding said:


> Sounds similar to those "Your rich uncle from Zimbabwe, that you didn't know existed and was royalty, just drove off a cliff. Please contact us so we can arrange for you to get his inheritance" scams. Email enough people, you only need to get one or two bites lol


Kinda. It's just the nature of the beast really. It's just the challenge men face using dating sites. Women have their own and it's worse for them in my opinion


----------



## Wolf1974

Vinnydee said:


> I personally know two guys who used online dating. They both told me that they usually had two dates for the weekend and sometimes a lunch and dinner date on the same day. They also told me that they had sex with most of the women they dated and it was the woman's idea. They also both ended up marrying someone they met online and had kids with them. They are still married for a long time. You may want to have someone review your profile and what you are commenting about to the women you are interested in.
> 
> Also, unless you are using a paid dating website, odds are that most of the woman are not looking for dates but are paid to pretend they are various women on the site to get guys to visit it. Use one of the popular web dating sites. You always get what you pay for. Heck, my wife's best friend was looking for a husband who would be OK with an open marriage and she found him. They are married over 25 years. I have only hear things like it gets to be a little too much to have sex with a woman at lunch and then have to change the sheets to have sex with another after dinner. The other friend told me that the first date he had was taking a woman to a Broadway play and halfway through she asked him if he wanted to go to his place fo sex.
> 
> There are a lot of divorce women on dating sites or those that just do not like the bar scene. They come in all sizes, shapes and personalities. *Perhaps it is just a matter of learning how to play the game and waiting a little longer.*


This is the most correct statement. It is a game. The sooner you learn it and play it to your advantage the better it will work for you. When first single I made just about every rookie mistake I could : had a bad profile, let first date rejection get me down, let ghosting get me down, got used for free meals, was too nice when some showed up having lied about their appearance and so on.

The key is not taking it very seriously and setting terms your comfortable with.


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## 225985

Miss Independent said:


> What do you usually say when you email/message a woman for the first time?
> 
> 
> A dude on Match sent me this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> He came across as a desperate and weird guy.
> 
> Is it possible that you come across as desperate?
> 
> From your original post, I feel as if you're trying to feel a void.
> 
> I'm not trying to be mean.




Everybody doing online dating is trying to fill some void or need. That's the point. 

Do you mean the less needy he appears, the better his chances?


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## Personal

Miss Independent said:


>


Ouch!

Writing that is a great way to avoid getting dates.


----------



## Almost-Done

Lila said:


> In that case, I don't know what it could. Do you live in a Metropolitan area?
> 
> Something that's becoming more popular where I live are matchmaking services, especially for those age 35+ on solid financial footing. Most come with a hefty price tag (upwards of $1,200) but they guarantee their services. Many of them also provide coaching at no extra cost; this can be anything from profile reviews (including photographing) to recommendations for lifestyle changes. It's an option if you feel comfortable with this sort of thing.


Not sure. It's Metro NY/NJ, so there is a lot of competition. Not sure I want to go spend 1000+ plus for a matchmaker.


----------



## Almost-Done

Miss Independent said:


> What do you usually say when you email/message a woman for the first time?
> 
> 
> A dude on Match sent me this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> He came across as a desperate and weird guy.
> 
> Is it possible that you come across as desperate?
> 
> From your original post, I feel as if you're trying to feel a void.
> 
> I'm not trying to be mean.


Doubtful. I say hey, saw your profile. What are some of your goals in life? Or, you love your dogs. What breeds are they (if they have dogs)? Or, I see you are finishing up your residency. What did you specialize in? After a couple of messages, I ask for their first name, if I do not already have it and if they'd like to meet for a drink. I do not believe that is acting desperate.


----------



## MrsHolland

Many women are all about the visual. It is brutal but when OLD the first thing most go for is appearance and then the profile. If and when a woman does reply you can have some confidence she finds you attractive.


----------



## john117

MrsHolland said:


> Many women are all about the visual. It is brutal but when OLD the first thing most go for is appearance and then the profile. If and when a woman does reply you can have some confidence she finds you attractive.


Assuming, of course, the profile pics have anything to do with reality 

It may be worthwhile (for the desperados at least) to have some pro photographer shoot said pics but in an understated way.


----------



## Herschel

It's amazing how much online dating, especially the apps where you can swipe, really are an epitome of life. 80% of women go after 20% of the guys. And these guys know it and just are in it to get laid. Then women complain, but they have created this situation. It's anazing how many attractive women I find in my age group that have never been married but say they are looking for "the one to settle down with".


----------



## Faithful Wife

arbitrator said:


> *And I've found that there are just as many women in the very same boat!*


Yes Arb....my post was in response to a guy posting about how women are skanks and men are honorable....so I posted mine saying men are skanks on there, too. And here you are to keep the round about going....

My whole point was to say that PEOPLE are skanks when considering the masses, and there's no reason to try to make it seem that one gender is better or worse than the other.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Herschel said:


> It's amazing how much online dating, especially the apps where you can swipe, really are an epitome of life. 80% of women go after 20% of the guys. And these guys know it and just are in it to get laid. Then women complain, but they have created this situation. It's anazing how many attractive women I find in my age group that have never been married but say they are looking for "the one to settle down with".


Yep......men innocent, women evil. 

Who is complaining, though? You mean your several attractive female friends in your age group that have never been married but are looking for the one to settle down with? Are they all skanks and horrible people? Did they waste their youth on the c*ck carousel?

Look the reality is that if you have a sh*tty attitude, you are not likely to have much luck anywhere in dating, and if you do have luck you are going to attract someone who for one reason or another, has just as sh*tty of an attitude as you do, it just might manifest differently in them. So sure, a guy with a sh*tty attitude may once in awhile attract a woman he finds highly attractive, but he will soon find out things that are not attractive about her....and then he will project his displeasure and distaste toward all women....thus keeping his attitude in such a sh*tty level that again, that's all he will attract.

I've had horrendous horrible messages from creepers on dating sites...but that's the only "bad" thing that's ever happened to me. I'm not complaining about anything (creepers be creeping, its not just on OLD). I've had lots of fun dates and experiences from OLD, and one 6 month relationship that was just perfect for me, in the right time, right place sort of way, from OLD. 

I've met plenty of guys who are "just in it to get laid", but actually I've met more of those in real life than I have on OLD. The guys on OLD who write their profiles in a way that indicate he is not "just in it to get laid" are usually being forthright and honest. There are those who make it clear they are in it to get laid, so if you aren't in it for that, it is easy to avoid those guys.

I'm just saying...if you have an overall bad attitude about the opposite gender (and the post I quoted reeks of this) then you are not likely to attract a happy, well adjusted person no matter where you seek them.


----------



## arbitrator

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes Arb....my post was in response to a guy posting about how women are skanks and men are honorable....so I posted mine saying men are skanks on there, too. And here you are to keep the round about going....
> 
> My whole point was to say that PEOPLE are skanks when considering the masses, and there's no reason to try to make it seem that one gender is better or worse than the other.


*Wasn't in the least bit of disagreement with you at all, FW!

There are, IMHO, preeminently more "skanks" out there who have to unzip their trouser fly to stand in front of a urinal than those who don skirts and blouses!

Skanks come in both sexes, all shapes and sizes, and always have a built-in excuse or alibi for everything!*


----------



## RandomDude

Herschel said:


> It's amazing how much online dating, especially the apps where you can swipe, really are an epitome of life. 80% of women go after 20% of the guys. And these guys know it and just are in it to get laid. Then women complain, but they have created this situation. It's anazing how many attractive women I find in my age group that have never been married but say they are looking for "the one to settle down with".


Ey? What's wrong with that? It keeps the competition manageable. In poker, we call this "clearing out the table". You want to be the 20%, and when you find the right one you want to be the one and only. That's why we say when it comes to dating, you need to love yourself first, focus on being the right person instead of finding the right person.

I'm picky as hell too!


----------



## Herschel

Faithful Wife said:


> Yep......men innocent, women evil.


I'm not saying that. I am saying that the ease of the situation feeds right into the belly of the beast. If you are a young/cute woman, you are bombarded with guys who want you. You then focus on getting the best one. The best one knows this and ends up using you. Guys are just as evil.



> Who is complaining, though? You mean your several attractive female friends in your age group that have never been married but are looking for the one to settle down with? Are they all skanks and horrible people? Did they waste their youth on the c*ck carousel?


Well, the friends, they aren't MY age group. They are 10 years younger and friends of friends, blah blah blah. However, they balance like 20+ conversations.

I was referring to the ones in MY age group, that have comments like (if they don't respond it's cause they are picky) and all other sorts of things, and then complain how there are no good guys out there. Maybe there aren't any good guys, but maybe cause you ain't a good girl...


----------



## ReformedHubby

OP,

In addition to online dating maybe you should try to be more outgoing and make some good acquaintances/friends. Lots of people get fixed up by mutual friends. I have friends that do online dating. The really good looking ones always seem to have dates. Actually, the really good looking ones get hit on regularly in public too. My other friends have to work a lot harder to get noticed in online dating. The interesting thing is they actually do much better just going out and meeting women. That way they can chat a bit and be more than just a profile and a pic.


----------



## Almost-Done

ReformedHubby said:


> OP,
> 
> In addition to online dating maybe you should try to be more outgoing and make some good acquaintances/friends. Lots of people get fixed up by mutual friends. I have friends that do online dating. The really good looking ones always seem to have dates. Actually, the really good looking ones get hit on regularly in public too. My other friends have to work a lot harder to get noticed in online dating. The interesting thing is they actually do much better just going out and meeting women. That way they can chat a bit and be more than just a profile and a pic.


I am about 45 mins from the city in a ruralish type of area. I am considering moving back to the city to be around people my age. However, I'd lose about half what I paid for my pad. I was trying to avoid that. I had some friends, but since their spouses or GFs were friends with my ex-wife, I lost them in the divorce. The meetup groups are lame around here as well. I have to drive an hour a way for a decent meetup group and they all look at me like I'm weird for driving that far out. Plus, I feel many see my location in my state and don't want to travel that far, thus, do not give me a chance. Mostly stay to myself these days. Seems I've turned back into a loner after my divorce. I am quite happy and positive, but sometimes I miss being able to do things with people. Yea, I know, it's a bit pathetic. It's true, most cannot have it all in life. And no, I am not shy at all. If you'd meet me in person, I can hold up a conversation fine and have no problem interacting with others.


----------



## BetrayedDad

Almost-Done said:


> Am I missing something?


Only works if you're a "Chad". 

Otherwise, 1/50 sounds about right...

It's a numbers game, you can do a few things to help:

1) Have a few women friends proof read your profile

2) Pay to have professional photos taken (as unstaged as possible) 

3) Take it in stride. Attitude shows through. The better you take it, the better off you'll be.


Just to add: Keep in mind it's totally and utterly unrealistic.

When I online dated, most of my dates were 4-6s. The 7, I eventually dated was a psycho.

I met a 8 through a friend (we have been dating a year) and she's all over me like a cheap suit. 

The point being, most of the women online are as unrealistic as men. I've found it to be more of a last resort type of thing.


----------



## Keke24

Almost-Done said:


> I am about 45 mins from the city in a ruralish type of area. I am considering moving back to the city to be around people my age. However, I'd lose about half what I paid for my pad. I was trying to avoid that. I had some friends, but since their spouses or GFs were friends with my ex-wife, I lost them in the divorce. The meetup groups are lame around here as well. I have to drive an hour a way for a decent meetup group and they all look at me like I'm weird for driving that far out. Plus, I feel many see my location in my state and don't want to travel that far, thus, do not give me a chance. Mostly stay to myself these days. Seems I've turned back into a loner after my divorce. I am quite happy and positive, but sometimes I miss being able to do things with people. Yea, I know, it's a bit pathetic. It's true, most cannot have it all in life. And no, I am not shy at all. If you'd meet me in person, I can hold up a conversation fine and have no problem interacting with others.


Hey OP, here are two additional options: InterNations.org or Couchsurfing.com.

They're definitely not dating sites but they're great for meeting people. 

InterNations was initially designed for expats. Typically, the crowd is foreigners who have moved to the area or locals looking to connect socially. So as opposed to dating, it's more of a networking vibe. How it works is once you sign up, you can join a variety of groups. Different groups organize different events. These events are usually social meet-ups at restaurant/bar/whatever the leader of the group organizes, sometimes its all out parties. Some events are not open to general members. These more exclusive meet-ups are only for paying members. I don't recall the fee being that high. I've never paid the fee. 

Couchsurfing offers more a casual setting. It's the free version of AirBnb. Members host all sorts of events and meet-ups. There are plenty opportunities to socialize with others. Often visitors to an area are just looking for locals to hang with or someone is looking to practice their English skills or someone looking for a ride to somewhere... Like I said, plenty options to socialize.


----------



## Rowan

BetrayedDad said:


> Just to add: Keep in mind it's totally and utterly unrealistic.
> 
> When I online dated, most of my dates were 4-6s. The 7, I eventually dated was a psycho.



In my experience, while men complain mightily that 80% of the women are going after the top 20% of the men, most men are doing the _exact same thing_. Plenty of guys who are in the 3-6 range chasing 8-10s and can't figure out why they're not getting any action. And most of them are complaining mightily about only the hot rich guys getting any attention and how it's just proof that women are shallow gold diggers. The truth is that way too many people, both male and female, both online and in real life, are holding out for someone who is out of their league.  

Which is why I suggested earlier, OP, that you be honest, objective and realistic about both yourself and the women you're filtering your searches for.

To be frank, I was not deluged and overwhelmed by male attention when I was doing online dating. I'm not young enough or pretty enough for that. I also absolutely filtered my matches so that I only saw, and was only seen by, men who were realistically compatible based on the available criteria. Sure, I got some real creeps from time to time, but on the whole I had a very good experience with online dating. I met a number of interesting men with whom I had no chemistry in person, had a couple 3-4 month long relationships, and finally met my SO of over a year. But I didn't do it by chasing men who were out of my league, dating guys who weren't compatible, or having unrealistic expectations or poor boundaries.


----------



## RandomDude

BetrayedDad said:


> When I online dated, most of my dates were 4-6s. The 7, I eventually dated was a psycho.
> 
> I met a 8 through a friend (we have been dating a year) and she's all over me like a cheap suit.


----------



## BetrayedDad

@RandomDude - Haha, yeah I saw that video too. Definitely some grain of truth to it.

Personally, the only girls I ever came across online were the ones above the "hot-crazy line".

My girlfriend right now is solidly in the "date zone / wife zone" area. She told me she'd never used online dating or ever would. That should tell you something right there.

I'm sure there's a few nice ones on there but good luck to you if you can land one.


----------



## Almost-Done

I do not use rating scales. If I find the woman attractive and we have like interests and "match" - as ******* states, I reach out. I tend to not go for the overly attractive ones as they are usually a mess. My ex-wife was very attractive on the dating site, but she shown clear red flags that I overlooked. I have had dates and I do compare the way they act with my exwife. Kind of like a baseline. The woman doesn't have to be overly attractive, as looks fade and I am no 10. Although, I've lost 15 lb since my divorce and now have spending money (funny how that works). I just need four things in a relationship. trust, respect, honor and love. Ironically, they seem to be hard to come by. Certainly a different world (dating) than it was ten years ago. I find being able to trust again is the hardest. I feel violated in so many ways by my ex-wife, I just hope I will be able to trust again.


----------



## BetrayedDad

Rowan said:


> In my experience, while men complain mightily that 80% of the women are going after the top 20% of the men, most men are doing the _exact same thing_. Plenty of guys who are in the 3-6 range chasing 8-10s and can't figure out why they're not getting any action. And most of them are complaining mightily about only the hot rich guys getting any attention and how it's just proof that women are shallow gold diggers. The truth is that way too many people, both male and female, both online and in real life, are holding out for someone who is out of their league.


I agree with you 100%. The men are just as bad. I wish there was a dating site that could filter out crazy.


----------



## Almost-Done

Keke24 said:


> Hey OP, here are two additional options: InterNations.org or Couchsurfing.com.
> 
> They're definitely not dating sites but they're great for meeting people.
> 
> InterNations was initially designed for expats. Typically, the crowd is foreigners who have moved to the area or locals looking to connect socially. So as opposed to dating, it's more of a networking vibe. How it works is once you sign up, you can join a variety of groups. Different groups organize different events. These events are usually social meet-ups at restaurant/bar/whatever the leader of the group organizes, sometimes its all out parties. Some events are not open to general members. These more exclusive meet-ups are only for paying members. I don't recall the fee being that high. I've never paid the fee.
> 
> Couchsurfing offers more a casual setting. It's the free version of AirBnb. Members host all sorts of events and meet-ups. There are plenty opportunities to socialize with others. Often visitors to an area are just looking for locals to hang with or someone is looking to practice their English skills or someone looking for a ride to somewhere... Like I said, plenty options to socialize.


I will check them out and see if they are in my area. Thank you for the info!


----------



## Almost-Done

Two replied and asked me where my town is. I said about 20 mins. away, I was told I lived too far. I guess unless I move I'm f*cked.


----------



## Rowan

Almost-Done said:


> Two replied and asked me where my town is. I said about 20 mins. away, I was told I lived too far. I guess unless I move I'm f*cked.


I would just assume that those two ladies weren't for you and move on, no harm no foul. None of the men I met when I was doing online dating were any closer than a 35 minute drive. I had months-long relationships with men who were 40 minutes and 90 minutes away, respectively. My SO lives about an hour and 10 minutes from me. There are people out there who will be willing to date someone who lives 20 minutes away. That's far less than many people commute to work every day. 

Regardless of the reason, those women were not compatible with you, or you with them. No harm, no foul. Just incompatible. Don't let it bother you, just move on and look for more compatible women.


----------



## wild jade

Almost-Done said:


> *I just need four things in a relationship. trust, respect, honor and love. *Ironically, they seem to be hard to come by. Certainly a different world (dating) than it was ten years ago. I find being able to trust again is the hardest. I feel violated in so many ways by my ex-wife, I just hope I will be able to trust again.


Those are the hardest things out there to find. I won't pretend to understand the world of online dating, but I can say that respect, honor, and love are not for the fly by night or the faint of heart. It takes time. 

And if you yourself can't bring yourself to trust and are always comparing women to your ex, well, it will take even longer. If you're not able to bring those desired qualities yourself, you'll be scaring off those who can.


----------



## wild jade

BetrayedDad said:


> I agree with you 100%. The men are just as bad. I wish there was a dating site that could filter out crazy.


For guys, it's the hot - narcissistic ******* matrix. Guys named Chad are up there in the danger zone, along with lead singers.


----------



## RandomDude

wild jade said:


> For guys, it's the hot - narcissistic ******* matrix. Guys named Chad are up there in the danger zone, along with lead singers.


Ey? But women have their own matrix altogether, (cute/money matrix):










On the video "After a certain point in the $$$ threshold, it becomes irrelevant how cute you are" haha so true!


----------



## wild jade

RandomDude said:


> Ey? But women have their own matrix altogether, (cute/money matrix):
> 
> On the video "After a certain point in the $$$ threshold, it becomes irrelevant how cute you are" haha so true!


Nope. Sorry. Don't know where you got that chart, but it's entirely inaccurate, and doesn't at all represent the choices of women for either flings or marriage.

Women marry men of all income brackets, but for marriage purposes tend to prefer the non-narcissistic *******s. Women will have flings with hot guys that are narcissistic, but it is truly dangerous for them, and moreso the more money the guy has and the more narcissistic he is. So your chart is absolutely and totally missing that aspect. 

Plus the whole "ew" square is way, way off. Many women marry guys who are significantly less than 8s and will stay married to a guy who used to be an 8 but deteriorated in looks (aging, weight gain, balding, etc.), even those who are working or lower middle class.


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## Chuck71

If I had $1 every time I heard a female say "I can fix him" or a guy say "I can fix her" and the ones needing

fixed are 8, 9 or 10s.... I could buy half the coast of CA. Nothing like Mr. Nice Guy / KISAs /

Mr. Fixer or Florence Nightingales.


----------



## Steve1000

Almost-Done said:


> Am I missing something?


I post my experience on another thread today. In my 20's and 30's, I had decent success dating and had a few long term relationships. At age 40, I returned after a couple of years abroad to find that all my friends now had their own lives. Therefore, I tried on-line dating and had no results. Unlike you, I quit sending messages after the first 25 went unanswered. I have enough confidence to admit that I had no success on-line.

Looking back, choosing the box that I was looking for a relationship probably wasn't helpful. A female colleague later told me that one of my interests that I listed may have made me seem strange. The interest is "studying foreign languages".


----------



## Almost-Done

Rowan said:


> I would just assume that those two ladies weren't for you and move on, no harm no foul. None of the men I met when I was doing online dating were any closer than a 35 minute drive. I had months-long relationships with men who were 40 minutes and 90 minutes away, respectively. My SO lives about an hour and 10 minutes from me. There are people out there who will be willing to date someone who lives 20 minutes away. That's far less than many people commute to work every day.
> 
> Regardless of the reason, those women were not compatible with you, or you with them. No harm, no foul. Just incompatible. Don't let it bother you, just move on and look for more compatible women.


True, but the rejection still hurts. I mean, 20 minutes... Geez. I feel like I am in a sea of princesses in the OLD world. I sometimes think, they lead me on just for kicks, then cut me loose.


----------



## Almost-Done

wild jade said:


> Those are the hardest things out there to find. I won't pretend to understand the world of online dating, but I can say that respect, honor, and love are not for the fly by night or the faint of heart. It takes time.
> 
> And if you yourself can't bring yourself to trust and are always comparing women to your ex, well, it will take even longer. If you're not able to bring those desired qualities yourself, you'll be scaring off those who can.


Agreed. I am willing to start an clean slate with each new person. However, my mind does look for tell tale signs of my ex. My mind then is like ALERT - LEAVE NOW. THIS WILL NOT BE GOOD.


----------



## Almost-Done

wild jade said:


> Nope. Sorry. Don't know where you got that chart, but it's entirely inaccurate, and doesn't at all represent the choices of women for either flings or marriage.
> 
> Women marry men of all income brackets, but for marriage purposes tend to prefer the non-narcissistic *******s. Women will have flings with hot guys that are narcissistic, but it is truly dangerous for them, and moreso the more money the guy has and the more narcissistic he is. So your chart is absolutely and totally missing that aspect.
> 
> Plus the whole "ew" square is way, way off. Many women marry guys who are significantly less than 8s and will stay married to a guy who used to be an 8 but deteriorated in looks (aging, weight gain, balding, etc.), even those who are working or lower middle class.


Money isn't everything. However, it seems around here, one's who show it get the women. I am not a materialistic type of person. Money or possessions do not make me, my personality and attitude make me. I recall my ex-wife and ex-gf say they have more than me, I said great for them. It seemed to piss them off in terms of my reply. I want a woman to like (love - if it's even possible) for me, not my possessions. Seems like a fruitless task.


----------



## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> If I had $1 every time I heard a female say "I can fix him" or a guy say "I can fix her" and the ones needing
> 
> fixed are 8, 9 or 10s.... I could buy half the coast of CA. Nothing like Mr. Nice Guy / KISAs /
> 
> Mr. Fixer or Florence Nightingales.


At least for me, quite the opposite. I am not looking to fix anyone. I take them as they come. I do recall, a couple of past relationships, the woman would have a medical issue, and I'd be their rock. Yet, it never seemed that the assistance was reciprocated. Two even used it against me. I thought people in relationships are supposed to be there for each other. I guess, nowadays, the man is supposed to be there for the woman, however, it's optional for the woman to be there for the man. Strange.


----------



## Almost-Done

Steve1000 said:


> I post my experience on another thread today. In my 20's and 30's, I had decent success dating and had a few long term relationships. At age 40, I returned after a couple of years abroad to find that all my friends now had their own lives. Therefore, I tried on-line dating and had no results. Unlike you, I quit sending messages after the first 25 went unanswered. I have enough confidence to admit that I had no success on-line.
> 
> Looking back, choosing the box that I was looking for a relationship probably wasn't helpful. A female colleague later told me that one of my interests that I listed may have made me seem strange. The interest is "studying foreign languages".


I just think that the women receive so much attention online, that they either do it for a pick me up or they have a 100% check list that all need to meet. They will also hold out for that specific man to have all attributes that they require. This entitlement culture seems to have gotten much worse than 10 years ago. I am hesitant to try eHarmony again, as that is where I met my ex-wife. She lied on that profile as well. That was my first red flag that I looked pass. I find it hard to take anyone at face value anymore. I always am asking, what are they looking for? What are they really after. I have this one "match" on *******, who we match on just about everything. However, it takes 2 weeks for her to reply to my messages. Thus, I can see low interest and I just moved on. Very strange.


----------



## Chuck71

Almost-Done said:


> True, but the rejection still hurts. I mean, 20 minutes... Geez. I feel like I am in a sea of princesses in the OLD world. I sometimes think, they lead me on just for kicks, then cut me loose.


MANY women (yeah some guys do it too I suppose.... dunno, I don't date guys) will get on 

OLD sites just for an ego boost and to string people along. Women love attention, men love 

sex.... it is traded like the DJIA. Just like Steve stated... when you get older, it's harder to

meet some one. Just for sex... super easy. LTR... good Fing luck!

I rarely send out messages on the free sites.... yes I still get messages but 80% are 

from people there is no way on God's green Earth I would be compatible with.

But the other 20% sometimes..... work out.... of course not long term but... we date awhile.

Often it seems on OLD you have the 2-4s messaging the 5-7s, and the 5-7s are messaging the

8-10s. And we wonder why people spend years on these sites.


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## Evinrude58

I personally think a decent looking guy can find whatever he's looking for with online dating. I dated a perfect 10 for a while. SHe was a perfect 3 at sex. 
I very recently dated a beautiful, exquisite, highly intelligent, accomplished woman and almost married her. She was impossible to get along with and when she was angry, was emotionally abusive, cold, and would just punish the hell out of me by withholding affection and physical touch. Would tell me she didn't know if she loved me, didn't want a relationship anymore, etc.
I finally figuratively slit my own throat with her by getting on online dating sites during one of her punish sessions where she told me she was "done".
Honestly, there are people everywhere that are majorly screwed up, but very functional and charming at first. 

I suggest that you WILL find what you're looking for in many ways online. I also suggest not marrying them until at LEAST you've been dating for 2 years.


----------



## Chuck71

Evinrude58 said:


> I personally think a decent looking guy can find whatever he's looking for with online dating. I dated a perfect 10 for a while. SHe was a perfect 3 at sex.
> I very recently dated a beautiful, exquisite, highly intelligent, accomplished woman and almost married her. She was impossible to get along with and when she was angry, was emotionally abusive, cold, and would just punish the hell out of me by withholding affection and physical touch. Would tell me she didn't know if she loved me, didn't want a relationship anymore, etc.
> I finally figuratively slit my own throat with her by getting on online dating sites during one of her punish sessions where she told me she was "done".
> Honestly, there are people everywhere that are majorly screwed up, but very functional and charming at first.
> 
> I suggest that you WILL find what you're looking for in many ways online. I also suggest not marrying them until at LEAST you've been dating for 2 years.


So are you finally through with the Russian nightmare?


----------



## Steve1000

Almost-Done said:


> I just think that the women receive so much attention online, that they either do it for a pick me up or they have a 100% check list that all need to meet. They will also hold out for that specific man to have all attributes that they require. This entitlement culture seems to have gotten much worse than 10 years ago. I am hesitant to try eHarmony again, as that is where I met my ex-wife. She lied on that profile as well. That was my first red flag that I looked pass. I find it hard to take anyone at face value anymore. I always am asking, what are they looking for? What are they really after. I have this one "match" on *******, who we match on just about everything. However, it takes 2 weeks for her to reply to my messages. Thus, I can see low interest and I just moved on. Very strange.


Yea, it's complicated. Some people limit themselves to much by putting very specific criteria on their search for a match instead of being open minded to new things and ideas. In my early 20's, I was left heartbroken by a girl that I thought was perfectly gorgeous in every way. If there was on-line dating back then, I would have tried to find someone who looked like her. Later I dated a lady who I first wasn't attracted to and looked nothing like my ex gf, but she grew on me and soon became even more attractive to me than the ex was.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Almost-Done said:


> This *entitlement culture* seems to have gotten much worse than 10 years ago. I am hesitant to try eHarmony again, as that is where I met my ex-wife. She lied on that profile as well. That was my first *red flag that I looked pass*.


Is it entitlement culture, or is it your not recognizing red flags early enough?

If I'm going to go look at men's profiles and end up thinking most of them acted "entitled", what that would mean would be that I more than likely overlooked glaring red flags right there in their profile.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Almost-Done said:


> True, but the rejection still hurts. I mean, 20 minutes... Geez. I feel like I am in a sea of princesses in the OLD world. I sometimes think, they lead me on just for kicks, then cut me loose.


If you continue to think this type of thing about women and blame them for being attention wh*res and don't trust women in general....then you will attract only divas and assh*les, because that is what you believe women are. Even though you may think that your beliefs are the result of what you've seen women do....the end result is the same. If you've gotten to a place of being distrustful and bitter, then that is all you will find when you look.

If on the other hand you can imagine beautiful, loving women who are not attention wh*res...women who love men and just want to be in love and happy....quality women who are overlooked, just as you are being overlooked right now...(all of this describes nearly every single woman I know, by the way)....then you might actually find a woman like that.

You would know the difference if you were in that place yourself. You can only attract from where you are at.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Chuck71 said:


> If I had $1 every time I heard a female say "I can fix him" or a guy say "I can fix her" and the ones needing
> 
> fixed are 8, 9 or 10s.... I could buy half the coast of CA. Nothing like Mr. Nice Guy / KISAs /
> 
> Mr. Fixer or Florence Nightingales.


I hear men and women say this too, but it can be over someone that most people would rank as a 3 - 5. But to the person wanting to change them, the fixer....the fixee is an 8 - 10. The rest of the world wouldn't agree with that number necessarily. 

It is that strong attraction that pulls people in so tight, to where they are doing crazy things just to keep someone around. But the attraction is a personal and subjective thing that we feel from within. It is not something that can be assigned by the world at large for you.


----------



## TaDor

In real life or online dating - its always a numbers and timing game. When I helped a friend leave her abusive BF, she cried about him for a month. Pushed ahead to have fun and date. Meet a nice man online a few weeks later for a shag, but they have been together now for 3+ years. I'm expecting a marriage proposal from him this year  {to her}. You see, what if her had dated another girl and she someone else and they never meet. Meeting my wife, that first kiss and how things turned out the way they did... you never know when it happens.

Almost-Done: make sure you're profile is flexible, even talk to women who are not your type. When I was online - I got none to some responses from those who ranked HIGH. I scored a date with a nice woman about a week of use. I read her profile, she liked some of the things I did and I shot her a short HI message and made a joke reference to one of our favorite shows. It made her laugh, then she looked at my profile and we started talking. Oh, the woman I dated - her profile file said she would NOT date anyone with kids. I have a kid.

Personally, I never went more than a single photo. Funny, I found about 5 people I know in real life on the same dating site 

Make your profile fun and positive as possible, but you also need to be that person to some degree. Be honest too, as well as realistic.
In my profile, I had put something like this up: "Recently single. Looking to meet new friends, short-term dating. I am not looking for long-term or marriage. I am not ready for that, just fun."

Do not look for a serious relationship online to start. Just to meet new people and go from there. Keep your options a bit open.
That woman I dated would have made a pretty good GF. But we both got we wanted, we had fun and we chat from time to time as we respect each other. She said I ruined it for her for online dating as many guys send nude pics or very strange or expect butt-sex the first the first date for some reason.


----------



## Lloyd Dobler

Almost-Done said:


> I am about 45 mins from the city in a ruralish type of area. I am considering moving back to the city to be around people my age. However, I'd lose about half what I paid for my pad. I was trying to avoid that. I had some friends, but since their spouses or GFs were friends with my ex-wife, I lost them in the divorce. The meetup groups are lame around here as well. I have to drive an hour a way for a decent meetup group and they all look at me like I'm weird for driving that far out. Plus, I feel many see my location in my state and don't want to travel that far, thus, do not give me a chance. Mostly stay to myself these days. Seems I've turned back into a loner after my divorce. I am quite happy and positive, but sometimes I miss being able to do things with people. Yea, I know, it's a bit pathetic. It's true, most cannot have it all in life. And no, I am not shy at all. If you'd meet me in person, I can hold up a conversation fine and have no problem interacting with others.


So maybe you're putting the cart before the horse. I'm getting the impression that you would be just as interested in having guy friends as dating a bunch of women. Maybe try to get at least 1-2 guy friends who you can do something with on a regular basis, and then maybe they'll have female friends, or friends of friends. Sports is a great way to meet friends - pickup basketball at a gym, anything along those lines. Just because you're 39 (did I have that right?) doesn't mean you can't develop new friends.


----------



## wild jade

Almost-Done said:


> Agreed. I am willing to start an clean slate with each new person. However, my mind does look for tell tale signs of my ex. My mind then is like ALERT - LEAVE NOW. THIS WILL NOT BE GOOD.


It's a double-edged sword. Yes, absolutely, watch for red flags and stay away from those that will bring you down. Otherwise dating is just misery. But also be careful about assumptions and what you are assigning as red flag behavior. As Faithful Wife said, there are lots of very wonderful women out there feeling more or less as you do about the difficulties of finding a good relationship. But if you don't open your heart and mind to those opportunities, you will never see them.


----------



## wild jade

Almost-Done said:


> Money isn't everything. However, it seems around here, one's who show it get the women. I am not a materialistic type of person. Money or possessions do not make me, my personality and attitude make me. I recall my ex-wife and ex-gf say they have more than me, I said great for them. It seemed to piss them off in terms of my reply. I want a woman to like (love - if it's even possible) for me, not my possessions. Seems like a fruitless task.


If you aren't materialistic, then those women that just go after money are likely not a good match for you. No doubt there are women out there who view marriage and relationships as a ticket to financial security, or who insist that a man be ambitious and financially successful. But are guys with money better at getting women? Perhaps, if you only count number of marriages and relationships. But likely not, if you start looking at the quality of the relationship, and the compatibility, love and respect they have with their wives. 

It's easy to compare oneself with others, and only see the shiny surfaces of what they have. But dig a little deeper, and it turns out that people with money aren't actually happier, or more fulfilled, or have better friends and lovers than those who aren't rich.


----------



## RandomDude

Yup, and 'tis why wealth gets you more pootang but doesn't help you find the keepers.


----------



## WasDecimated

Here is an interesting article. 

Apparently two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women and women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. It goes on to say that it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex. What a mess...

https://theblog.*******.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e#.z3oqes7tp


----------



## Almost-Done

Faithful Wife said:


> Is it entitlement culture, or is it your not recognizing red flags early enough?
> 
> If I'm going to go look at men's profiles and end up thinking most of them acted "entitled", what that would mean would be that I more than likely overlooked glaring red flags right there in their profile.


More like I was inexperienced and just gave her the benefit of the doubt.


----------



## Almost-Done

Faithful Wife said:


> If you continue to think this type of thing about women and blame them for being attention wh*res and don't trust women in general....then you will attract only divas and assh*les, because that is what you believe women are. Even though you may think that your beliefs are the result of what you've seen women do....the end result is the same. If you've gotten to a place of being distrustful and bitter, then that is all you will find when you look.
> 
> If on the other hand you can imagine beautiful, loving women who are not attention wh*res...women who love men and just want to be in love and happy....quality women who are overlooked, just as you are being overlooked right now...(all of this describes nearly every single woman I know, by the way)....then you might actually find a woman like that.
> 
> You would know the difference if you were in that place yourself. You can only attract from where you are at.


Never said all. All is a big term. All 3.2+ billion cannot be like this. Just stating what I've experienced as what others have told me IRL.


----------



## Almost-Done

Lloyd Dobler said:


> So maybe you're putting the cart before the horse. I'm getting the impression that you would be just as interested in having guy friends as dating a bunch of women.


Not really. I run a company with 30 employees. Plenty of guys around, girls too. 




> Maybe try to get at least 1-2 guy friends who you can do something with on a regular basis, and then maybe they'll have female friends, or friends of friends. Sports is a great way to meet friends - pickup basketball at a gym, anything along those lines. Just because you're 39 (did I have that right?) doesn't mean you can't develop new friends.


Have a gym at home, but I do get your point.


----------



## Almost-Done

wild jade said:


> It's a double-edged sword. Yes, absolutely, watch for red flags and stay away from those that will bring you down. Otherwise dating is just misery. But also be careful about assumptions and what you are assigning as red flag behavior. As Faithful Wife said, there are lots of very wonderful women out there feeling more or less as you do about the difficulties of finding a good relationship. But if you don't open your heart and mind to those opportunities, you will never see them.


Certainly trying. Hard to trust completely, but working on it.


----------



## Almost-Done

wild jade said:


> If you aren't materialistic, then those women that just go after money are likely not a good match for you. No doubt there are women out there who view marriage and relationships as a ticket to financial security, or who insist that a man be ambitious and financially successful. But are guys with money better at getting women? Perhaps, if you only count number of marriages and relationships. But likely not, if you start looking at the quality of the relationship, and the compatibility, love and respect they have with their wives.
> 
> It's easy to compare oneself with others, and only see the shiny surfaces of what they have. But dig a little deeper, and it turns out that people with money aren't actually happier, or more fulfilled, or have better friends and lovers than those who aren't rich.


Agreed in many ways.


----------



## Almost-Done

RandomDude said:


> Yup, and 'tis why wealth gets you more pootang but doesn't help you find the keepers.


Only if you display your hand. I don't roll that way. Plus too risky with all the diseases floating around these days.


----------



## Almost-Done

Decimated said:


> Here is an interesting article.
> 
> Apparently two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women and women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. It goes on to say that it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex. What a mess...
> 
> https://theblog.*******.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e#.z3oqes7tp


Yep. I am thinking about becoming a monk. It may be more satisfying. At least significantly less stressful.


----------



## DTO

Hi Almost.

I had a fair amount of luck on Match.com last summer. Hopefully my perspective helps and I apologize if I repeat anything posted earlier.

First, are you targeting the right group? If, say, you are heavy, you probably won't attract many fitness buffs. Same thing if you have a kid and target a spontaneous person, and so on.

Second, how are you selling yourself? Think of it like applying for a job you want. You need to play up your strengths to interest a lady you might want to be with.

I was early 40s and was looking for someone in that range (or maybe a bit younger) who was also a parent. So, without lying, I emphasized my best traits: well-educated, reasonably successful, responsible father (kid comes first), ambitious, intelligent.

I had a decent number of women reach out to me (was surprised by that). I recall having around five conversations going (besides another IRL encounter) and that was more than I had time to pursue, so I chose a couple and hid my profile.

The point is that it still is a numbers game, but it seems if you choose your targeta and present yourself well, you should get a reasonable number of quality hits.

I cannot emphasize enough that you need to have traits the ladies want. For instance, being attractive is great but I do not hear women complaining that guys available are ugly, fat, etc. I hear them complain that guys available are stagnating, lack ambition, are irresponsible, etc.


----------



## Bananapeel

TaDor said:


> Do not look for a serious relationship online to start. Just to meet new people and go from there. Keep your options a bit open.
> That woman I dated would have made a pretty good GF. But we both got we wanted, we had fun and we chat from time to time as we respect each other. * She said I ruined it for her for online dating as many guys send nude pics or very strange or expect butt-sex the first the first date for some *reason.


What!? Wait a sec. That's not normal? Sheesh, the rules change and I'm always the last to know. :grin2:


----------



## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> What!? Wait a sec. That's not normal? Sheesh, the rules change and I'm always the last to know. :grin2:


Guess butt sex is the norm these days after a first date.. Boy, things have certainly changed. Maybe I'll just follow what Tim Gunn did after his same sex relationship ended so many years ago. Wonder if it is possible to be happy w/o a significant other and family of one's own...


----------



## Almost-Done

Here's an interesting quagmire. I've been chatting with the one woman who lives, maybe 10 miles away. We've been going back for about a week or so, maybe four messages. I threw it out there, hey would like like to get a drink sometime? I find it is easier to get to know each other in person. Let me know.

This was two days ago. Silence. A bit confused.


----------



## Satya

Almost-Done said:


> Here's an interesting quagmire. I've been chatting with the one woman who lives, maybe 10 miles away. We've been going back for about a week or so, maybe four messages. I threw it out there, hey would like like to get a drink sometime? I find it is easier to get to know each other in person. Let me know.
> 
> This was two days ago. Silence. A bit confused.


Silence = her answer. Carry on. 

Also, maintain a limit to how many texts you send /how many days you text before meeting. Texting relationships go nowhere. 

You also need to learn to be proactive if you want to meet. You asked if you could meet her sometime. That's incredibly passive and nebulous and unless she's already got strong tingles for you the answer will always be no. You're setting yourself up for a no. Telling her you'll be at xyz bar with friends at X o'clock gives her the choice to either join you in something you're already doing or risk losing out. If she doesn't show, no big deal. You can still have a good time with friends and maybe chat with some women there.


----------



## Almost-Done

Usually, after 3 or 4 online messages I ask to meet somewhere for drinks. Not texting, still through the OLD service. Telling a woman I will be at so and so, drop by if you'd like to meet, not sure if that would go over well. Seems like be there, be square. After a few messages, ask to meet, then either yes or move on to the next woman.


----------



## TaDor

Almost-Done said:


> Guess butt sex is the norm these days after a first date.. Boy, things have certainly changed.  Maybe I'll just follow what Tim Gunn did after his same sex relationship ended so many years ago. Wonder if it is possible to be happy w/o a significant other and family of one's own...


If you're not getting butt-sex within the first 2 hours of a date. Then there is something wrong. Butt first, kiss later.


Kidding.

Sadly, some guys do bring up butt-sex on a first date. Rarely goes well. Unless its guy & guy.


----------



## TaDor

My date brought a female friend to meet with me in a public bar. I said "sure, no problem". After about 15~20 minutes, her friend left (they had also both gone to the ladies room for a bit). The date lasted about 3+ hours of drinking, dancing and talking. Ended with me being a bit drunk with my head in her lap. - facing upwards - just talking. 

You should / or can say "shall we meet for coffee at Starbucks?" why? Because its not a night-time pressure deal. That is an option you should give if your schedule allows it. Meet during the day, and set up a more likely romantic time for the coming weekend in person. Its less threatening. Doesn't work for me, since I don't really drink coffee - especially at $7 a cup. One of my friends who is a player- does that.


----------



## Bananapeel

I agree with TaDor. Just directly ask to meet for a beverage and give a time and place to see if she is available. Her response will tell you a lot about her interest level. She'll either accept, reject (this includes not answering), or try to reschedule for a different time or location. I don't normally date women that want to change the venue, unless they have a really good reason to because I like to take on the traditional masculine role of planning out our activities the vast majority of the time. The other reason to meet for a cheap drink is you need a way to end the date quickly if it isn't going well. Order your coffee in a to go cup, and you're already half way out the door, if need be. Also, if the women misrepresent themselves and don't look like their picture, it's acceptable to just walk out on them without buying them a drink. If you truly value yourself then there is no point in rewarding someone for dishonesty with your time or money, even if it's only a cup of coffee. 

If you are into sex on the first date, you'll do better with meeting up for a beer than meeting up for coffee. The reason is if you are having a good time you both might want to have a second drink and all you have to do is confidently suggest you have it back at your place.


----------



## Almost-Done

So, here's an interesting update. I switched to match and several women have contacted me to converse. Additionally, one out of the four women I was conversing with ******* actually responded with shoot me a text and we'll figure out a time and date. I was pretty taken back, as I've been conversing with her for about three weeks. Granted, she started to respond in two or three days, I was a bit shocked that she just shot her number to me. She's 34, so there are a few years apart in age. 

Apologies for asking about this, but how does this go again? Haven't dated since last decade, so I am bit unsure how to proceed. I know know not to seem over zealous or anxious so wait a day or two and then text. Not a big texter, so that should be interesting. Also, she's relatively attractive, so that is a concern as well. 

Looking for some advice from others with more experience in entering the dating again.


----------



## Rowan

Almost-Done said:


> So, here's an interesting update. I switched to match and several women have contacted me to converse. Additionally, one out of the four women I was conversing with ******* actually responded with shoot me a text and we'll figure out a time and date. I was pretty taken back, as I've been conversing with her for about three weeks. Granted, she started to respond in two or three days, I was a bit shocked that she just shot her number to me. She's 34, so there are a few years apart in age.
> 
> Apologies for asking about this, but how does this go again? Haven't dated since last decade, so I am bit unsure how to proceed. I know know not to seem over zealous or anxious so wait a day or two and then text. Not a big texter, so that should be interesting. Also, she's relatively attractive, so that is a concern as well.
> 
> Looking for some advice from others with more experience in entering the dating again.


First of all, as a woman, I find mind games childish and unpleasant. If a man waited two days to respond to my texts, then I would just figure he's not interested or otherwise engaged and move along. If I thought he was doing it as part of some head game to avoid seeming over-eager, I would just assume he's into head games and move along. It may be just fine for casual dating and hookups, and some women might be happy to play along. But I personally feel that if you have a pre-meditated "strategy" regarding when and how often to respond to messages, you're really just not relationship material for me. So, just be careful with "game" of that type. 

So, if you think you're really interested in meeting this woman, text her and ask her to meet you for coffee or a drink as a first meeting. If she counters with something else, evaluate whether that other option works for you. This isn't rocket science. It's a meeting with a stranger. There's really no need to overthink it, over plan it, or be overly nervous about it. The right woman will be the right woman for you and for whatever you two decide works best for you both as far as plans go. 

Why is her being 'relatively attractive' a concern?


----------



## jorgegene

overthinking can be your worst enemy.

just do what you want to do without hyperventilating.

if it's meant to be, it will happen. that attitude will also eliminate a lot of the game players.

and BTW, being single is not so bad. lots' of single happy people i know.


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## Almost-Done

It's not a game or strategy, per se. Being over zealous isn't a wise move either. We usually respond within 2 - 3 days with each other via online messaging. I just received her cell yesterday. Since I am traveling right now, I thought it would be best to wait til tomorrow.


----------



## Bananapeel

Usually, a woman gives a cell number because she wants a quicker reply. Just text her that you are travelling now and you'll text tomorrow to set something up. As far as the actual date goes just don't talk about your ex and you'll do fine. Let her do 80% of the talking and practice active listening. If you like her then her kiss her goodbye at the end of the date. Good luck and have fun!

Oh, and texting is for setting up a meeting time, not for having an in depth conversation. Those should happen in person.


----------



## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> Usually, a woman gives a cell number because she wants a quicker reply. Just text her that you are travelling now and you'll text tomorrow to set something up. As far as the actual date goes just don't talk about your ex and you'll do fine. Let her do 80% of the talking and practice active listening. If you like her then her kiss her goodbye at the end of the date. Good luck and have fun!
> 
> Oh, and texting is for setting up a meeting time, not for having an in depth conversation. Those should happen in person.


No doubt. Texted her, said hi and wanted to setup a meeting time/date. She acknowledged the text, but didn't reply after that. A bit dumbfounded.


----------



## Bananapeel

Don't worry about it. The worst thing you can do is come off as needy. Think about it this way...either she's interested in you and will accept your date or she isn't really interested and she won't. Her not responding to the date request is a clear indicator that she's not really interested at this time. So no worries, just let this one go (i.e. cease contact) and if she changes her mind she'll contact you. I always believed that if a woman isn't interested I'd rather know right away so I don't waste my valuable time. Too many fish in the sea to focus on the ones that aren't interested in what you're offering. If you get a chance watch some Coach Corey Wayne videos on utube. They will probably be of benefit to you. 

One last question, but did you ask her out for a specific thing (drinks) at a specific location/time or was it a vague plan? I always do better by saying, hey I'm free to meet on Friday night, at 8 PM, at a local bar/restaurant/coffee shop. Would you like to join me then? This way it doesn't leave it as an open ended invitation that they can be wishy washy about. Instead I tend to get a direct yes or no, because the date is more rigidly planned.


----------



## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> Don't worry about it. The worst thing you can do is come off as needy. Think about it this way...either she's interested in you and will accept your date or she isn't really interested and she won't. Her not responding to the date request is a clear indicator that she's not really interested at this time. So no worries, just let this one go (i.e. cease contact) and if she changes her mind she'll contact you. I always believed that if a woman isn't interested I'd rather know right away so I don't waste my valuable time. Too many fish in the sea to focus on the ones that aren't interested in what you're offering. If you get a chance watch some Coach Corey Wayne videos on utube. They will probably be of benefit to you.
> 
> One last question, but did you ask her out for a specific thing (drinks) at a specific location/time or was it a vague plan? I always do better by saying, hey I'm free to meet on Friday night, at 8 PM, at a local bar/restaurant/coffee shop. Would you like to join me then? This way it doesn't leave it as an open ended invitation that they can be wishy washy about. Instead I tend to get a direct yes or no, because the date is more rigidly planned.


No doubt. Not needy. I sent two initial texts. The first one to say hi and how are you, she said fine and asked the same. I then said I know this great place let's meet on Saturday. No response after that. I left it there. Not going to run after her. Just do not know why she'd give her cell, then disappear. Just a bit strange.


----------



## Danny4133

Almost-Done 

I've been seeing a girl for a month now, I'm new to the dating game after a 14 year absence.
The online dating community can be good as long as you weed out the weirdo's and yes there are a few of them, but in todays busy world I've known several folks who've hooked up this way and are currently in long and happy relationships.

To be honest I wasn't much cop at dating back in the day, maybe getting with the times is an opportunity rather than not, now I'm navigating towards divorce with 2 young kids it makes the challenge harder. 
But you know what, I've found it to not be as intimidating as I first thought.

One (or two) of the key aspects is self confidence and self belief, - If you know you have these things it reflects outwards and potential suitors can (and do) pick up on that, trust me they do. 

If you don't feel to self confident there are things you can do to improve that. 
Improve your style regime, spend 50% more time preening yourself. 
Go to the barbers and change your hair style. Hey, I've grown some trendy stubble, my Ma said "the George Michael look went out in the 80s but the ladies I've dated around my age love it". 
Ditto improving your threads and pulling some weights. It all gives you a little ego boost and I'm telling you friend a little goes a long way.
I agree with @jorgegene that overthinking is your enemy, try not to do it and go with the flow as much as you can, like a job interview a "date" is a chance to get to know you and visa versa. 

I'm no expert here after being out the game for 14 years one thing doesn't change, - people always like to talk about themselves. 
I worked as a guest relations manager for Hilton for a few years and I found a bit of patter always goes well. The girl I've been seeing suggested a meet up after about 10 days of chatting, we were getting on well via text and whatsapp so I agreed to meet - we deviated from the norm we met at a local starbucks and had a coffee and proceeded to chat more about our jobs, kids, families, likes and dislikes followed by an hours walk in the forest. 

It was a great first meet and better than the usual bar or restaurant as you cant really gauge a feel for the other person, nor bale quickly if things don't go well. 

I must admit I was pretty nervous, I deliver presentations on stage with a mic to 100 people on various projects I work on, but this is a different level. 
But nerves soon dissipated and I settled in to the zone.

Good luck to you mate, and remember don't overthink things to much, be breezy and go with the flow


----------



## Bananapeel

Almost-Done said:


> Just do not know why she'd give her cell, then disappear. Just a bit strange.


That's an easy one. She changed her mind. If she was really interested she'd pursue you or at least keep up the communication to let you know she still wants to meet.


----------



## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> That's an easy one. She changed her mind. If she was really interested she'd pursue you or at least keep up the communication to let you know she still wants to meet.


Yea, I get that part. However, just the night before, via the dating app, she wished me a good night and said chat tomorrow. Just very strange.


----------



## Chuck71

Almost-Done said:


> Yea, I get that part. However, just the night before, via the dating app, she wished me a good night and said chat tomorrow. Just very strange.


She may be tied up, she may had met a guy she likes and is keeping you and if so, a few 

other guys on the back burner to see how it ends up. WTF knows... BUT it has NOTHING

to do..... with you. Traverse along to the next one. It's not uncommon for a girl to go

poof after banter and right before you try to set up a meet n greet. Then two weeks pass and...

then she's wanting to set up a meet n greet.

There is nothing wrong with that. Some people get pizzy when you have met them for the 

meet n greet and maybe one date or two because you're still using the OLD site.

I'm sorry but if there is not anything exclusive, you have every single right to date others.

It does get murky when sex is involved. Not being exclusive but dating and having sex 

can really send mixed signals. Hang in there


----------



## Satya

Two words for you to Google, A-D:

Outcome independence.


----------



## Almost-Done

Satya said:


> Two words for you to Google, A-D:
> 
> Outcome independence.


Looked it up and agree as well. Outside of a relationship, life is amazingly great. I guess I get lonely from time to time about doubt my decisions in the past.


----------



## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> She may be tied up, she may had met a guy she likes and is keeping you and if so, a few
> 
> other guys on the back burner to see how it ends up. WTF knows... BUT it has NOTHING
> 
> to do..... with you. Traverse along to the next one. It's not uncommon for a girl to go
> 
> poof after banter and right before you try to set up a meet n greet. Then two weeks pass and...
> 
> then she's wanting to set up a meet n greet.
> 
> There is nothing wrong with that. Some people get pizzy when you have met them for the
> 
> meet n greet and maybe one date or two because you're still using the OLD site.
> 
> I'm sorry but if there is not anything exclusive, you have every single right to date others.
> 
> It does get murky when sex is involved. Not being exclusive but dating and having sex
> 
> can really send mixed signals. Hang in there



I know, and I am trying not to take it personal. After all, they are all strangers. I guess I am a bit gun shy.


----------



## Chuck71

Almost-Done said:


> I know, and I am trying not to take it personal. After all, they are all strangers. I guess I am a bit gun shy.


After 10-15-20 years, who isn't?


----------



## Almost-Done

Certainly trying. There's this other one, my age, who I found on *******. She messaged me back pretty quickly. After the forth message back, I requested to meet, she replied back she would like to get more comfortable first. We've been shooting back q&a's last night and this morning, so far about 20 or so. She now replies can we switch to regular e-mail? It would be easier to respond via work. I have no idea if she's looking for a penpal, get to know me or what. I am hesitant to request again to meet as it could come off too pushy. Ideas? I feel like I am back in no mans land again prior to just dating. Is this normal stuff nowadays? Trying not to be too pushy, but not be to weak either. It seems like a balancing act. The good news is I re-rote my whole profile from 22 + lines to just 2 and all new pictures. It seemed to have done the trick. I have over ten women (assuming they are real) messaging me. My profile is so old it stated I love listening to music on my iPod. I do not even think they make iPods anymore. Geez. Guess I should had read it again a bit more closely.


----------



## Bananapeel

Every time you message this girl without meeting her you are wasting your time and energy (these are your most valuable assets) on someone that you may or may not be interested in. In general you can tell if you are interested in a woman within the first couple minutes of meeting her and definitely by the end of the first date. And you can't really tell those things behind a computer screen. So, I'd recommend just making a move. 

Here's my advice. Write to her and say that you recognize that she wanted to get more comfortable before meeting you, but first dates are always awkward the easiest way to get more comfortable is go on one and get it out of the way. Then tell her you'll be at ___________ (pick your venue, time, date) and she is welcome to come join you for a semi-awkward first date, if she's interested in meeting. Then ask her for her phone number so you two can get in touch if there is a last minute change of plans. 

One of two things will then happen. Either she'll accept and you get to meet or she'll decline. If she accepts go out and have a good time! If she declines then tell her you have a lot going on in your life and can't continue to play pen pal with her, and if she changes her mind and wants to meet in person then she's free to invite you out sometime. Then you cease all contact.


----------



## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> Every time you message this girl without meeting her you are wasting your time and energy (these are your most valuable assets) on someone that you may or may not be interested in. In general you can tell if you are interested in a woman within the first couple minutes of meeting her and definitely by the end of the first date. And you can't really tell those things behind a computer screen. So, I'd recommend just making a move.
> 
> Here's my advice. Write to her and say that you recognize that she wanted to get more comfortable before meeting you, but first dates are always awkward the easiest way to get more comfortable is go on one and get it out of the way. Then tell her you'll be at ___________ (pick your venue, time, date) and she is welcome to come join you for a semi-awkward first date, if she's interested in meeting. Then ask her for her phone number so you two can get in touch if there is a last minute change of plans.
> 
> One of two things will then happen. Either she'll accept and you get to meet or she'll decline. If she accepts go out and have a good time! If she declines then tell her you have a lot going on in your life and can't continue to play pen pal with her, and if she changes her mind and wants to meet in person then she's free to invite you out sometime. Then you cease all contact.



Went for broke and did that. Silence. I guess it's a no go. 0/3 thus far. LOL. Should be a fun experience. Going to attempt to take it in stride. I think it's also funny that the three big sites, POF (not on), Match (not on) and ******* (on) are all owned by IAC Interactive Group. I also find it interesting that all the women are also on each site.


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## Chuck71

WTH cares? Move on..... they replied to you but don't want to meet? That is THEIR problem.

Trust me.... I have learned in the last two years, OLD is a mixed bag. I do not take anyone

seriously until we meet. Until then, it is fairy tales and couldas, shouldas.

Many many women are on OLD sites for attention and ego boost to hide their insecurity.

Meeting in a public place for a meet n greet is a whole lot different than going on an "official date."

A healthy woman would meet you for 15-30 minutes if mutual attraction is there.


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## Satya

Oh well.... NEXT! 

Be wary of women hiding behind a computer or phone. They are likely not the women you want to meet. You want a confident woman actually wanting to meet a man... In person!


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## Bananapeel

Almost-Done said:


> Went for broke and did that. Silence. I guess it's a no go. 0/3 thus far. LOL. Should be a fun experience.  Going to attempt to take it in stride. I think it's also funny that the three big sites, POF (not on), Match (not on) and ******* (on) are all owned by IAC Interactive Group. I also find it interesting that all the women are also on each site.


Awesome job! You took control and did it on your terms, which is a very masculine approach. Now you know she was just wasting your time and you don't have to play the cat and mouse game with her anymore. BTW, you should give Tinder a try. The best strategy for men is different than other dating programs you are using. What you do is just swipe right to everyone. If you get a match then go back and see if you are possibly attracted to them and interested in seeing them and if not, then unmatch them. This way you won't bypass anyone that could be a potential date, and you get to pick which of them you'll pursue.


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## Chuck71

Satya said:


> Oh well.... NEXT!
> 
> Be wary of women hiding behind a computer or phone. They are likely not the women you want to meet. You want a confident woman actually wanting to meet a man... In person!


This has never happened to me but.... OP I know guys who have met females from OLD

sites. Their pics were so old and misrepresented.... they did not recognize her. 50-75 lbs.

heavier, pics were of her in fancy dress and she shows up in sweats or a moo-moo. 

Rule of thumb.... women lie about their weight, as in 17 pics and not one is full body shot......

that should tell you something. If their main pic is older than 24 months.... that's a hint.

I'll need help on why guys lie about their height. 

About Tinder..... what happens if the females do the same thing?


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## Bananapeel

Females don't have to use the same strategy as guys on Tinder. They usually get matches with just about every guy they swipe right to, so they try to weed out the guys they aren't interested in. With guys, they get far fewer matches so they don't want to bypass any potentially interested female (i.e. it's a numbers game). There are even apps that auto swipe right for you so you don't have to waste time doing it.


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## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> WTH cares? Move on..... they replied to you but don't want to meet? That is THEIR problem.
> 
> Trust me.... I have learned in the last two years, OLD is a mixed bag. I do not take anyone
> 
> seriously until we meet. Until then, it is fairy tales and couldas, shouldas.
> 
> Many many women are on OLD sites for attention and ego boost to hide their insecurity.
> 
> Meeting in a public place for a meet n greet is a whole lot different than going on an "official date."
> 
> A healthy woman would meet you for 15-30 minutes if mutual attraction is there.


Agreed. I never understood why she'd want to move from online messaging to e-mail. I do wonder if she was a real profile.


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## Almost-Done

Satya said:


> Oh well.... NEXT!
> 
> Be wary of women hiding behind a computer or phone. They are likely not the women you want to meet. You want a confident woman actually wanting to meet a man... In person!


Agreed. It just seems like these waters are shark infested; on both sides.


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## Almost-Done

Bananapeel said:


> Awesome job! You took control and did it on your terms, which is a very masculine approach. Now you know she was just wasting your time and you don't have to play the cat and mouse game with her anymore. BTW, you should give Tinder a try. The best strategy for men is different than other dating programs you are using. What you do is just swipe right to everyone. If you get a match then go back and see if you are possibly attracted to them and interested in seeing them and if not, then unmatch them. This way you won't bypass anyone that could be a potential date, and you get to pick which of them you'll pursue.


Agreed. Some people are just in it for the ego pump I guess. Always thought Tinder was more of a sex app then a dating app.


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## Almost-Done

Chuck71 said:


> This has never happened to me but.... OP I know guys who have met females from OLD
> 
> sites. Their pics were so old and misrepresented.... they did not recognize her. 50-75 lbs.
> 
> heavier, pics were of her in fancy dress and she shows up in sweats or a moo-moo.
> 
> Rule of thumb.... women lie about their weight, as in 17 pics and not one is full body shot......
> 
> that should tell you something. If their main pic is older than 24 months.... that's a hint.


This has happened to me. I met a woman at for dinner once, she must had been 50 lbs + different than what she described. Crazy.


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## Satya

Same happened to me with a guy I met on e-Harmony. His pictures were 4+ years old and he had much more weight on him. But you know what? He was still an upstanding person and we dated for 8 great months. He proclaimed at the start he wanted to lose weight but he just didn't live (or eat) like he did. I'd fallen in love and his disregard for his health was seriously breaking my heart. So I broke up with him. I don't regret the memories, though.


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## Chuck71

Satya said:


> Same happened to me with a guy I met on e-Harmony. His pictures were 4+ years old and he had much more weight on him. But you know what? He was still an upstanding person and we dated for 8 great months. He proclaimed at the start he wanted to lose weight but he just didn't live (or eat) like he did. I'd fallen in love and his disregard for his health was seriously breaking my heart. So I broke up with him. I don't regret the memories, though.


I know as a guy, our weight may flux 5-10 lbs. I know I put on 20 lbs. when I was sitting with mom when she had cancer.

But I always told that up front. I had one say I was much heavier than my pic and showed her the very same blue

jeans I had that pic taken in. Smiled, left the den, return wearing the very pants. -Oh well!- "Get your eyes checked

darlin'" We went hiking. I outpaced her. I smoked for 25 years. What's that say about her and her "athletic and toned"

body description? Satya.... sounds like you were close to "The One" but he didn't respect himself.


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## Bananapeel

Tinder does have the rep of being a hook up app, but it can be either. I know several people that have developed LTR's from tinder. I also know people that have hooked up using traditional OLD, so it goes both ways.


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## Chuck71

Bananapeel said:


> Tinder does have the rep of being a hook up app, but it can be either. I know several people that have developed LTR's from tinder. I also know people that have hooked up using traditional OLD, so it goes both ways.


LOL any OLD site with more than three people are considered a hook up site. Sad isn't it. Course most I hear from

females who say this.... have 11 pics, 4 quotes from a site and..... 7 boob shots.

"You get what you present."


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## Steve1000

Almost-Done said:


> So, back in this online dating game on a couple of pay sites, but I do not get it. I have a good detailed profile of me, 10 - 12 recent pics, and I message the women I am interested in. I read their profile and then I e-mail them a question or comment on something I read within their profile. Over the past 3 weeks, must have e-mailed 50 women, two replied. One took two weeks to reply, but asked me what I am doing this weekend. The other, nothing yet on my last reply.
> 
> Am I missing something?


What you described matches my past on-line dating experience. It started to mess with my self-confidence. Thankfully I'm still confident enough to admit that I had zero luck attracting regular ladies on-line although I never did figure out why I had no success with on-line dating.


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## Almost-Done

It seems to me that OLD seems to just glorify women and degrade men. Women do it to build their egos. Men do it for a connection and to build something. I was thinking about going back to eHarmony, but I met my ex-wife there, so I am a bit jaded on them.


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## Chuck71

Almost-Done said:


> It seems to me that OLD seems to just glorify women and degrade men. Women do it to build their egos. Men do it for a connection and to build something. I was thinking about going back to eHarmony, but I met my ex-wife there, so I am a bit jaded on them.


Lotsa guys are on OLD to get a roll in the hay. I have heard that from every single female. 

You are as degrading as you present yourself. I'm a helluva catch, it she misses it for a

thug / sex freak, her loss. Traverse along......

NEVER EVER let others define you


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## arbitrator

RandomDude said:


> Yup, and 'tis why wealth gets you more poontang but doesn't help you find the keepers.


*My RSXW would be all too happy to attest to that!*


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## SuperConfusedHusband

Evinrude58 said:


> It's definitely a numbers thing and definitely cyclic.
> Don't be discouraged.
> 
> My suspicion:
> 
> *1/2 of the women on those sites are there for getting ego boosts.*
> They get a kick out of men wanting them and probably make fun of many with their bff's.
> 
> You've got to have this attitude:
> I only need to meet 1 good lady, and it could be worth it.
> And realize that you eventually will for sure get some interest.
> 
> You MUST be patient. Can't stress that enough. I see the same women I've seen 2 years ago on those sites. The ones that aren't answering--- they probably don't answer 1/200 guys. Or are dating and ignoring as suggested, getting their ego kibbles while they're dating around.
> 
> Be patient. It'll happen.


My experience with these sites is that most women there dont really want anything. If you find one that doesnt ignore you, thats a big deal. 1:50 ratio is within the norm, and it's all about your pictures. Forget your profile, they dont read it, actually it might work against you.
You might write "I like music" and they might think "he is an immature kid". It happened to me. I posted on one of my profiles that I liked nature, and one lady told me that she will never go out with a *******...because I liked nature. Go figure.
Proven way to get a 1:5 response, is to go to a professional photographer, and tell them what you need the pictures for and let them do the photoshoot. $300...I know!!! But you will have a date a day


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## SuperConfusedHusband

Herschel said:


> It's amazing how much online dating, especially the apps where you can swipe, really are an epitome of life. 80% of women go after 20% of the guys. And these guys know it and just are in it to get laid. Then women complain, but they have created this situation. It's anazing how many attractive women I find in my age group that have never been married but say they are looking for "the one to settle down with".


OMG I totally agree with you! Women on dating websites go for your looks ONLY! Sorry if this bursts anybody's bubble, but I have done several experiments on dating websites with fake profiles and pictures of very masculine, hot guys. All I had to say in my initial message was "Hey...", and I would get a great response, a phone number in our first chat and a date proposal (which I would not follow up on). All within minutes into conversation.

What does that tell us?


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## Chuck71

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> My experience with these sites is that most women there dont really want anything. If you find one that doesnt ignore you, thats a big deal. 1:50 ratio is within the norm, and it's all about your pictures. Forget your profile, they dont read it, actually it might work against you.
> You might write "I like music" and they might think "he is an immature kid". It happened to me. I posted on one of my profiles that I liked nature, and one lady told me that she will never go out with a *******...because I liked nature. Go figure.
> Proven way to get a 1:5 response, is to go to a professional photographer, and tell them what you need the pictures for and let them do the photoshoot. $300...I know!!! But you will have a date a day


So nature lovers are ********.... LOL! She must have confused that with another poster who

mentioned cow tippin' and tractor pulls. That's what happens when airheads try to type

and chew bubble gum at the same time. Try letting the females come to you. I may send out 2-3

emails a week, usually get 15-20 a week from the females. 30+ if it's two weeks before

a major holiday. 80% are ones I would not even care to meet. The other 20%, different story.

Professional photos???? WTF? What area do you reside in and what age / profession are you

seeking?


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## Chuck71

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> OMG I totally agree with you! Women on dating websites go for your looks ONLY! Sorry if this bursts anybody's bubble, but I have done several experiments on dating websites with fake profiles and pictures of very masculine, hot guys. All I had to say in my initial message was "Hey...", and I would get a great response, a phone number in our first chat and a date proposal (which I would not follow up on). All within minutes into conversation.
> 
> What does that tell us?


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## Karate4lyf

@Chuck71 I don't think you need to spend $300 on professional pictures. That is just my opinion. Plus you want to be honest. Professional pictures add touch ups, slim down here and there. Then when you meet what will you say? Don't lie. Just be yourself. Don't write too much on your profile either. Make it funny if you are a funny person. Give it personality . That is my take on it. When I see profiles that have too many rules I move on. Leave that for after you meet or chat online because you may miss out on someone really amazing. And do not stress. There is definitely someone out there for you. Good luck!😊

Sent from my SM-G928P using Tapatalk


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## Rowan

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> My experience with these sites is that most women there dont really want anything. If you find one that doesnt ignore you, thats a big deal. 1:50 ratio is within the norm, and it's all about your pictures. Forget your profile, they dont read it, actually it might work against you.
> You might write "I like music" and they might think "he is an immature kid". It happened to me. I posted on one of my profiles that I liked nature, and one lady told me that she will never go out with a *******...because I liked nature. Go figure.
> Proven way to get a 1:5 response, is to go to a professional photographer, and tell them what you need the pictures for and let them do the photoshoot. $300...I know!!! But you will have a date a day





SuperConfusedHusband said:


> OMG I totally agree with you! Women on dating websites go for your looks ONLY! Sorry if this bursts anybody's bubble, but I have done several experiments on dating websites with fake profiles and pictures of very masculine, hot guys. All I had to say in my initial message was "Hey...", and I would get a great response, a phone number in our first chat and a date proposal (which I would not follow up on). All within minutes into conversation.
> 
> What does that tell us?



Dude. You're a married man. You probably shouldn't be expending martial assets on either dates or on professional photographs for your dating profiles. Or throwing too much shade regarding the quality of the women you're meeting on dating sites. If you're going to cheat on your wife, at least have the class to refrain from accusing anyone _else _of ulterior motives, shallowness, or lack of integrity.


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## Diana7

SuperConfusedHusband said:


> OMG I totally agree with you! Women on dating websites go for your looks ONLY! Sorry if this bursts anybody's bubble, but I have done several experiments on dating websites with fake profiles and pictures of very masculine, hot guys. All I had to say in my initial message was "Hey...", and I would get a great response, a phone number in our first chat and a date proposal (which I would not follow up on). All within minutes into conversation.
> 
> What does that tell us?


You need to find a decent dating site. Stay off the awful ones like tinder. Many women who are interested in more than just a casual relationship think far more of a mans character and personality than his looks. When I contacted my husband through a dating site, he didn't even have a photo on it as he was having trouble putting one on. I knew by what he had written and was writing that he was a good man. It was countless emails and a phone call later before I even saw what he looked like. By then I was hooked and we have now been married for 11 years. 

BTW few men will give a woman who isn't physically pretty a chance, men are far more obsessed by looks than women are.


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## Todd Haberdasher

What you have to understand is that women on dating sites get - literally - dozens of messages every day. From every guy within a hundred miles. So yours really has to stand out even to get a polite reply.

You stand a lot better chance meeting them in person. At least then you KNOW they hear what you say, even if they reject it.


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