# Here we go again



## emt7535 (Jan 20, 2013)

Well I should be a pro at this by now. My wife and I have been seperated for six weeks today. This makes the third or fourth time in almost 11 years that we have done this. We actually filed for divorce twice but ended up getting back together before it was all final. Our story is a rocky one to say the least. We have two beautiful kids (7 and 10) and I am tired of them having to see mom and dad go through this. The first time we split was right after she found out she was pregnant with our firstborn. When she recieved the divorce papers three months later she wanted me back and I agreed. The second time we split we had just bought a new house and had been in it for one month. After she left I found out she had been drinking daily and had a eating disorder. I worked two jobs to put her through treatment. While there I learned she had been abused as a teenager by a family friend. All the while she did not want to have anything to do with me. So after seven months I filed for divorce again. After I started dating someone else she wanted me back and I reluctantly agreed. Since then we have been together for four years. Moved back around her family which I did not want to do because they are controlling. Once moving she had multiple surgeries and started having seizures. Since all that she became distant, sleeping on her side of the bed with her arm wrapped over her pillow. Most nights she stayed up on facebook looking at photos of her friends and texting. She has become stagnant in her career and has made no attempt to move forward. I am currently working on my masters degree and trying to save money for a house. But none of that matters now. About a year ago I noticed that I was not in love with her anymore. We fought about everything but mostly we fought because she was drinking again. She only cared to be intimate with me when she was drunk and that made me feel like crap. So finally I packed my stuff and moved out. Like I said earlier I have been gone for six weeks. At first we talked and texted and even went out together and with the kids. But in the past week or two we started becoming more distant with each other. Yesterday she told me that she did not think counseling would help and that we should go our seperate ways. I agreed. So why is it that I know that we are not good for each other but I still love and miss her? I do not want to think of her being with another man although she did it in the past when we were split up and it nearly drove me crazy. Why is it that this is driving me insane? I know that if I get back with her we will continue to fight. She is not willing to move away from her family who are a big part of my problem. So what do I do????????


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Move forward and be the best dad that you can be!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## emt7535 (Jan 20, 2013)

Lee, 
you know that is easier said than done. Even though I know that we are better apart I am filled with depression and thoughts of what could have been. The sad thing is is that we were happier when we lived away from everybody. I dont know why she cant move away from the people that she knows are bad for her even though they are family.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

wow... this is a tough one. You two have a deep bond or you wouldn't keep getting back together.

It sounds to me like you are "used" to being married to her not that you really "want" to be married to her.

I'm not sure how old the children are but this must be hell for them to see one of you leave again and again. You have now opened them up to trust issues as they will fear rejection.

You need to break your habit of going back.


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## emt7535 (Jan 20, 2013)

Sadwithtwolittlegirls said:


> wow... this is a tough one. You two have a deep bond or you wouldn't keep getting back together.
> 
> It sounds to me like you are "used" to being married to her not that you really "want" to be married to her.
> 
> ...


you make a valid point that I have considered many times now. I keep telling myself that this time I need to do right by the kids. I am tired of them seeing us fight about senseless stuff but I also did not want them to grow up in a broken home. Although, from the looks of it the home has been broken for years.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

What choice do we have?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Broken happy home or unhappy married home?


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

Either way someone loses. Don't you want to set an example for your kids of what a marriage should look like?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

of what.. that you should stay together but fight and split up all the time?

My kids never saw us fight. We would go outside or for a drive. NEVER in front of the children. Their job is to be kids..not deal with grown up things


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I mean a broken happy home
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry but 3 or 4 seperations in 11 years is indicative of a problem that can't be solved

Move on and be a real father to your children


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Sounds like you are more in love with the thought of being married than you are with your wife. You are loosing what you had (marriage, not her) and are grieving that loss. 

Ask yourself this - if getting back together didn't work the last 3-4 times, what would make it different this time?


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## emt7535 (Jan 20, 2013)

I would like to thank everyone for their responses and to say that you are all right. I was or am in love with the thought of marriage. It is time to move forward and show my kids what a loving father I can be. I know that I will have a hard road in front of me, but I believe that I will be able to get through it. I have taken responsibility for all my wrong doings but I refuse to tote all the guilt. Hearing from those who have and are still going through the same thing is helping me tremendously.


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