# Separated after 6 months of marriage



## Slapshot (Apr 19, 2016)

Hi everyone, 

I am mostly a lurker on all messageboards I visit, and I have picked up some valuable information and advice from reading this board, my issue is I have yet to come across anyone with a story like mine, so I was wondering if anyone could offer me some advice. 

I have been with my wife since November of 2012, we had a child in December 2013, were engaged June 2014 and married this past September. 

We had been experiencing some issues before the marriage, mainly my depression having an effect on our relationship. We had talked about changing our lives after the marriage, but really it's tough with a young child, and I wasn't as motivated as I should have been.

Anyways, in mid February I found out she was having an affair with a co-worker, the affair had started around Christmas and had continued until I found her at a hotel in town after telling me she was staying at a friends that night. The affair had gotten extremely serious to the point of not only saying "I love you" but talking about becoming a family and all that great stuff. The other man in the affair has four children, and I am positive he never had any intention of leaving his wife and kids for her, he told her what she wanted to hear to get in her pants. Unfortunately for me, my wife become obsessed with him and completely shut off our marriage and told me she wasn't happy and wasn't in love with me two weeks before I found out. 

Once I found out about the affair we agreed to take some time to cool off, she went to Wisconsin with her family and I went to California with my family. I returned home about 10 days later and she came back in mid-March. Then last weeks she up and left again, she said she didn't think we were right for each other and that she was having a hard time getting over the other guy. She went back home to her parents and as of now says she doesn't see a future for us and wants to get legally separated and I assume ultimately get divorced. 

Reading most of these posts here it seems that most people have been married a lot longer than I have and just how much does that change the dynamic? 

Is there an hope to salvage something that she wanted out of after only a few months? 

I hear about others talking about their spouse coming back to the marriage after a separation but that was with years of equity that I just don't have. 

Is there a chance feelings for me and the marriage return once she has had enough time to get over the other man? 

Thanks in advance for any help or advice anyone may be able to offer me.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Ironically enough, the thing that normally sends waywards back to you is stern consequences.

What consequences did she experience from cheating on you?

Why do you want her back?

Your best bet is to file and have her served, follow the 180 (Google "180: the healing heart") and move on.

This is tough, and I am sorry you are here, but it sounds like she has moved on. I would do the same.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Once they change their mind and decide they don't love you--- it's over. You have zero chance with her. But that's a good thing. You now have the opportunity to meet someone that actually cares about you. Your cheating wife didn't.
It's NOT as bad as I know you feel like it is. You CAN be happy again.
Accept she's gone from your life. The minute you do, you'll start healing from this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Slapshot (Apr 19, 2016)

Thanks for the replies. 

I want her back for two reasons, for one I truly did love her and the first 2.5 years were amazing. I know it's cliche but I had that special feeling about her. And the other reason is my daughter and how this will effect her, I moved here to be with her and I will likely end up back on the West Coast when we divorce. I just feel like it's to soon and we should have tried to fix this rather than bailing because we hit a rough spot.

I know she still hasn't gotten over the other guy and part of me hopes that once that happens she would consider working things out, but sadly I think you guys are both right and I have to accept that.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Chalk it up as bad mate selection and move on. 

You'll live your life in misery if you go back to this woman. If for some stroke of luck she gets over this guy and comes back to you, there will be another guy down the road she's into and rinse, repeat will happen. 

If she says she does not love you, believe her and STOP saying you love this woman. You're toast if you keep hanging onto the fact you love her and she does not love you. 

Do a hard 180 and detach. It will help you mentally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Slapshot said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> 
> I want her back for two reasons, for one I truly did love her and the first 2.5 years were amazing. I know it's cliche but I had that special feeling about her. And the other reason is my daughter and how this will effect her, I moved here to be with her and I will likely end up back on the West Coast when we divorce. I just feel like it's to soon and we should have tried to fix this rather than bailing because we hit a rough spot.
> 
> I know she still hasn't gotten over the other guy and part of me hopes that once that happens she would consider working things out, but sadly I think you guys are both right and I have to accept that.


It takes two to fix it. Do you get any inkling she wants to? If so, you did not communicate it that way in your initial post.

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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Did you tell the other man's wife? If you didn't blow this up she still thinks they will end up together. Are you monitoring her communications?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Slapshot said:


> I know she still hasn't gotten over the other guy and part of me hopes that once that happens she would consider working things out, but sadly I think you guys are both right and I have to accept that.


Dude.... You're married and you want play the "pick me" dance? 

Then what the hell did you have a wedding for?!? Have some self respect. 

Get an annulment IMMEDIATELY and just move on.

Everyone gets a mulligan in life. This one is yours.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Slapshot said:


> Thanks for the replies.
> 
> I want her back for two reasons, for one I truly did love her and *the first 2.5 years were amazing. *I know it's cliche but I had that special feeling about her. And the other reason is my daughter and how this will effect her, I moved here to be with her and I will likely end up back on the West Coast when we divorce. I just feel like it's to soon and we should have tried to fix this rather than bailing because we hit a rough spot.
> 
> I know she still hasn't gotten over the other guy and part of me hopes that once that happens she would consider working things out, but sadly I think you guys are both right and I have to accept that.



It may have been "amazing" for you but her affair says different on her part. Anyone who has an affair so early in the game is not a good long term bet. I don't think anyone who cheats is worth hanging on to, sorry.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

The best thing you can do is to move on. Luckily you two weren't married for too long and you are able to get out of this without having to owe her anything. She cheated on you 2 months after marriage? Drop her, she can't commit. Do the 180, let her be that married guy's "side girl" and when realizes that he isn't going to leave his family for her she may regret the marriage but don't take her back. Let karma get her. Find someone else that actually wants to be a wife.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Slap shot, do not hang around waiting for her. Not only did she cheat on you, there is no remorse and she has led you a merry dance since.

You should go no contact with her
Let your and her family know what she did
Contact a lawyer and get the papers sorted

Pls let the OMs wife know, she has many kids and deserves to know
Do not take your wife back, you have been together for such a short time, cannot imagine what she would get up to in a long term marriage, she sounds very immature.


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## BimmerMan (Apr 20, 2016)

Take everyone's advice, get out now. Asking and begging her to come back will only push her away more. You don't want her back. I went through the exact same thing. My ex was having an actual love affair as well. 

I know how it feels almost surreal that somebody you know so Well would do this to you. In my opinion, if someone is willing to go that far they are not worth being with. Again, You don't want her back. File, now. By the time we were ready to sign the final papers, she was crying signing them and I was happy to get her somewhat out of my life(kids).

Don't listen to her if she says she needs time to figure things out, and doesn't want a divorce right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Let the other man's wife know for her benefit, not yours. Ditch this "lady" and move on. What you thought about her all this time was an illusion. She's showing you what and who she is. Believe THAT and move on.
Nothing left for you in thus relationship but lots of pain. Let it go and look for some joy. It's out there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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