# 34 YO male, 2 young kids, torn on what to do



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Stats: Together for 13 years, married for 7. 2 kids, 4 and 2.5.

Caught wife in EA 2 years into relationship, EA was all that was admitted to, but many stories don't make sense, was probably PA.

Spent a few good years after reconciling, debating whether or not I could get past EA and her ability to blow up at me for seemingly very insignificant things. These were red flags that I blew past because I was head over heels for her.

Decided that we were great together, got married, had a child. Things were stressful due to genetic health issue with child. Somehow got pregnant again 6 months later. Child #2, same health issue but got better quickly as we knew how to handle it.

Child is 2 years old, sex had been complete back burner since child #1 but I thought it was fair to give her some time to get back into me. After two years, no sex in 6 months, the argueing started. We had zero emotional connection, she was deliberatly avoiding sex (her words), I had become resentful, frustrated etc.

I was dealing with same health issue as our kids, at one point nearly died, but seemed healthy to others around me. During this time, got no support from wife, she didn't want to hear about health issues and concerns while I was fighting through a complete genetic health nightmare. She claimed it was too difficult for her to think about it, so it was easier to not discuss and me just deal with it on my own. Basically, she didn't want to deal with the diffuclty of the situation, so even though I needed support more than any time in my life, I shouldn't inconvenience her with discussing it.

I went on trying make life seem as normal as possible for her, and got better. After confronting her about sexless marriage for six months with her reaction that it was ok to be sexless, finally involved a MC, who instantly said I was entitled to want a healthy sex life. She made an effort for a few months, I gave her space, wasn't negative, then she returned to former behavior.

We argued about sex life, she felt that she had made improvement from sexlessness, and that I should just accept whatever level she was able to give, even if that meant no sex for a month with no reason why.

I had been completely enfatuated with her for 13 years, felt like a high school kid with a crush. Head over heels for her. But after being completly shut off emotionally from her, and then hearing the same excuses as to why it was ok for her to act that way, I am feeling like I am going to be unhappy forever, and that life is too short to be so unhappy.

She has made efforts to improve, and it is so much better than it was when sexless. But, if I say anything at all about continuing to improve, basically that we are a work in progress, she pulls out the "I've done so much to improve, and you don't appreciate it". Even if we spent a month with no physical anything and a bunch of rejections, she feels that since it is better than nothing, I should be ok with it.

I am no longer enfatuated. I think she has been selfish and is not concerned with my feelings. I am a great provider, a hard worker around the house (do my share of everything), a committed father, etc. Everything she has asked for, I've done.

My life would be fantastic if she would just give in to paying some attention to me and making me feel wanted, it seems like such a simple thing to ask of a wife. But with it going on for years with her attitude about it not changing, I am really starting to think it may not work for the first time.

Am I stupid to give up a good life just because I don't have someone that wants to make me happy. Is it wrong to want a relationship that feels loving? She is indifferent about everything in her life per her admission. She has no passion in life anymore.

*I need to know if it is worth just hunkering down, giving up on a close relationship to be a good dad to my kids, or if I would be better off to just end it now.*

She has so many good things about her, but I feel like we became roomates and she is ok with that. I have really tried for multiple years to fix it, but it takes two and she just doesn't seem like she is committed to making the changes to make it work.

I always envisioned my life being happy and fun with my wife, but she just doesn't seem to be that person anymore. I don't know what to do.


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## 49crash (Oct 20, 2013)

If she ignores your health issues then she is neither a good wife or good friend. Then throw in no sex or intimacy really. I fail to see what is good about your marriage at all. My wife and I are divorcing after 24 yrs and I am sick also. She still takes care of me if I need her. At least she is a good friend. Sure my wife might stay with me and have a sexless marriage but that is not something I am interested in at all. I don't see anything your wife is doing to contribute to your relationship. You need someone who cares for you. You are still young. Do you think she would want custody of the kids? Whats your financial situation?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You can be a good dad to your kids even if you get a divorce. You might even be a better dad, because you'll be a happier parent.

C


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## mr hillbilly (Jul 16, 2012)

*Re: Re: 34 YO male, 2 young kids, torn on what to do*



PBear said:


> You can be a good dad to your kids even if you get a divorce. You might even be a better dad, because you'll be a happier parent.
> 
> C


Exactly


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

The genetic health issue is something in your genes?

Maybe she has lost attraction for you because of this hereditary illness? Does she see herself as more nurse than wife?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## imhisbeautifuldisaster (Nov 15, 2013)

I am shocked that your wife does not seem to have any feelings towards your medical condition. That is something that scares me the most, is something happening to my husband. Your wife sounds a lot like my husband and I wish my husband was more like you. 

I really hope your wife is able to be who you need/want her to be. Good luck


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I could see if you were asking for the unreasonable but asking that your wife showing more affection and not getting it is something that you shouldn't have to ask for and if she can't be any more than a roomie then you really don't have a marriage.

If it was me, I would want something better than your getting. Hell, anybody would. If the shoe was on the other foot, so would she. 

If your not happy, then inform her of that and let her know that your done with her lousy way of treating you and that your seriously thinking of moving on with out her. You can't force someone to love you and if you don't feel it then file. Time to make yourself happy for a change. She seems perfectly happy the way things are.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

She doesn't seem to love or respect you. It's up to you now. Live this way until the kids are out of the house (long damn time for you), or D. There are arguments for both sides. 

I'm in a similar sitch. For now, I think it's best for my kids for me to stay.


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