# How do you know if it's domestic violence or situational violence?



## mmmem13 (Oct 16, 2015)

DISCLAIMER: Apologies if this is the wrong forum location for this...I was unsure where to put it, so I went with "general". I also ask here, not because I am a dummy on the Internet, but because I do not want to discuss this with family or friends unless I decide to separate. For clarity, I am not asking "should I stay or should I go", I am specifically enquiring about the title topic. .....Also, this is long.

My husband and I have been married for 5 months, together for 4 years. He is a good man and is supportive of me emotionally and financially while I finish my degree. He is quite the romantic, a star performer at work, highly educated, and well liked by all. 

However, he has a darker side:
He frequently goes from calm to out of control with his temper. When he becomes upset, for which I haven't found a trigger pattern, he immediately resorts to screaming obscenities and insults, and becomes physically....idk, larger. It's like the Hulk--teeth bared, neck tensed, shoulders broadened, rapid movement, overall quite terrifying. 
E.g. tonight, while trying to find a movie on tv for dinner time as it was a long day, I was not pressing the correct sequence of buttons on the remote, so I was given a very curt "why are you always such a bword?" I promptly took my dinner to another room, and another, then another, as he followed me and shouted at me. I wound up eating my dinner in the bathroom with the doors locked. When I thought all was calm, I came out and the argument resumed, escalating to him getting in my face in Hulk mode, grabbing my wrists, and pushing me against a wall while he was saying much to my confusion, "DON'T TOUCH ME". 

It has gotten physical like this every time he gets angry. He says he has a bad temper, but is never in trouble at work or with the law.

Other than the (usually monthly) outbursts, he is fine--no controlling behavior (financial, social, or sexual), no jealousy, no lying, no blaming me...actually a downright joy to be around. Which is what confuses me.

Is this situational violence where one reacts physically in confrontations? Or domestic abuse where the abuser lives only to punish his mate? Am I being gas lighted here, or could a violent teenager like tantrum be mitigated with medication and therapy?

Not sure if it's relevant, but some additional info:
His mother died when he was 9, his father abandoned the family when he was 7, and he has 6 half siblings through his mother and possibly others through his estranged father. His adoptive stepfather raised him alone. I suspect he never learned appropriate family interactions. He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but does not currently take medication. 

I am currently being treated for borderline personality disorder and PMDD--not to play the victim, but could my menstrual cycle be encouraging me to display moodiness and aggression without my being aware of it/owning up to the actual behaviors I have that could trigger a confrontation?

Some clarity for my thoughts on the future please.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No, that is not 'situational violence'..... What is the situation that justifies his behavior?

And from what you said and/or your cycle is not causing this. For that to be the case it would be you going after him violently.

When did he start doing this? Was it before you married him?

What you describe is typical domestic violence. It has probably been escalating over time. Almost 100% it will escalate over time until he's beating the living daylights out of you. 

The cycle you describe is also typical for domestic violence. Look up "Cycle of Abuse" and "cycle of violence". Here is a link to one website that discusses it.

Cycle Of Violence - Domestic Violence

You say that he does not act like this in public, at work, etc. Of course he does not. Do you know why? It's because he has 100% control over his angry/violent acting out. The purpose of domestic abuse, be it verbal, emotional and/or physical violence is to exercise control by distorting the other person's self worth, keeping them off balance emotionally and keeping them in fear. He's doing a pretty good job of it.

If he did not have 100% control over his anger, he'd act like that at work, in stores, and elsewhere. But he reserved it for at home. I'll bet that you are also the only person who has seen him behave this way. That's also normal.

I was married to a guy who acted like that. He's a physician. To everyone else he's a good, kind man. To me and our son, he was a mean bully who emotionally and physically abused us. It was very hard to prove and to protect my son because I was the only one who ever saw him act that way.. well except for our son who was too young to be a witness and to report.

Can his behavior be changed through medication and counseling/therapy? A few people respond to therapy. Very few. This is how the learned to feel in control of his life. He has to hurt another person and control another person to feel good and strong. 

I get that you have empathy for his youth and past. But we all have histories. The mark of a mature adult is that we learn take responsibility for our actions. There is zero excuse for the way he is treating you.

Please get help and get away from him. If you want to try to fix your relationship, it cannot be with the two of you living together. It's too dangerous for you. 

He needs to deal with his own anger/control/abuse issues, taken anger management classes, get into therapy and prove for a year or so that he can treat you with love and respect.

Please find a place near you that gives counseling to victims of domestic abuse/violence and get help. And talk to one or two people in your life who can help you get away from him.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I don't think "situational violence" is a thing. Violence is violence. And he is a violent man.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

zkDomestic violence is:-

"Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:
•	psychological
•	physical
•	sexual
•	financial
•	emotional

Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim..."

Read the rest of this article here:-

What is domestic violence? - Women's Aid

Make no mistake, OP... Your H knows _exactly_ what he's doing and when it's safe / unsafe for him to do so. The trouble with abusers is that their appetite (or obsession) for manipulating and controlling others is insatiable, and this is why the level of abuse tends to escalate.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
The reason he is able to control his temper at work and in public is because he knows it will not be tolerated. He seems to have enormous pent up frustration and anger and his only outlet seems to be you. If there is any hope for a future with him you will need to make him understand that his behavior will not be tolerated at home either.

He no doubt thinks, somewhere deep in his psyche, that life dealt him a disadvantaged hand and that is somewhat true but people have overcome worse adversity and still become well adjusted members of society. In order for him to change he first must be made to see it as an issue, presently he does not, so the first obstacle is recognition on his part.

Also, when these arguments occur, do you "feed the rage" or do you convey to him that if he wishes to converse with you that he must keep his temper in check or you will not engage and that you will leave, if necessary, until he regains composure? As I mentioned above he does not display this behavior elsewhere because of the consequences, you must give him consequences at home, up to and including leaving him, if he does not modify his at home persona.

I agree with others here that you should be cautious and conscious of the danger he represents. You are in a better position than we to make such a determination but do remain mindful of the possibility of harmful physical violence. If he will not listen to reason and not accept that he has a problem and be willing to seek help for it of his own volition then, regrettably, there is little else you can do. We all must face the consequences of our actions and one of his may be to lose his new wife if he will/can not alter his perception and subsequently his actions, once you set limits of tolerance. The rest is up to him. I wish you good fortune.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

domestic violence is violence directed towards someone in your home-like you.

It will almost certainly escalate.
Please, please, please, leave.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I think to clarify what OP meant... "situational" violence may be something like this... I'm a fairly laid back guy. Wouldn't hurt anyone. But if I was attacked on the subway, I'd resort to violence to defend myself.

In OP's case, the "situation" certainly didn't call for violence. The guy is out of control with absolutely no justification in the instance OP described.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

Domestic violence is usually an escalating process.

It starts out as name calling, angry outbursts and gets worse and worse and worse.

And regardless of what you name it, what about you tells you its ok for him to get in your face like this and put his hands on you? You're here because you know its not normal and not ok.

You need to get out of there so that he can get some help. His background may be an issue but its not something you can deal with...he needs do that.

Please get out of there before you become another statistic of a woman who ignored the warning signs and made excuses for un-excusable behavior.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I agree with all the other posters, this IS domestic violence, and it WILL get worse. You need to leave now before he actually hurts you. 

You've only been married for 5 months. Depending on where you live, you might be eligible for an annulment. Research your options, and LEAVE.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

mmmem13 said:


> DISCLAIMER: Apologies if this is the wrong forum location for this...I was unsure where to put it, so I went with "general". I also ask here, not because I am a dummy on the Internet, but because I do not want to discuss this with family or friends unless I decide to separate. For clarity, I am not asking "should I stay or should I go", I am specifically enquiring about the title topic. .....Also, this is long.
> 
> My husband and I have been married for 5 months, together for 4 years. He is a good man and is supportive of me emotionally and financially while I finish my degree. He is quite the romantic, a star performer at work, highly educated, and well liked by all.
> 
> ...


He is being a total A$$HAT and needs some SERIOUS talking to, as well as anger management therapy, or he will have a very hard fall...Is it possible he is using drugs?


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## mmmem13 (Oct 16, 2015)

Wow. I certainly appreciate all the various insights given here. It is encouraging to feel so concerned for by strangers on an opening thread under such tumultuous circumstances. So thank you very much, all. 

To answer a few questions--this type of mild to moderate violence speckled with prepubescent outbursts have been a monthly routine since about 3 months into our dating relationship. I overlooked the behaviors as a deal breaker and instead have been firm and kind in trying to encourage him to seek therapy. He attended anger management for about two months and felt he was cured. I disagree emphatically. 

He does not have a drug problem but in the past has used steroids, pot, and copious amounts of alcohol. As far as I know, he is currently clean and sober--nor would I allow drugs as an excuse for bad behavior. In fact, I do not have any tolerance for the outbursts, only a fragile understanding of how to avoid escalation beyond what I have described here. 

I do not want to abandon my husband but it has been made clear to him that escalation of continuance without boundary would lead to dissolution of our marriage. 

This is why my concern turns to IED which couples with ADHD on occasion--these are not cycles of blissful wooing and then gradual lead up to violence. It is a normal day to day functioning and fulfilling relationship peppered with monthly "episodes" of irrational emotional mood swings with an inability to observe limits and respect. Mostly when we argue he is a bit rude and childish, but about once a month he is like a 2 year old with constipation and schizophrenia. Almost like a 30 day split personality. He was told he was bipolar as an adult, but only based on a questionnaire battery, not intensive therapeutic sessions. My husband is suffering from some untreated mood disorder I'm certain. He has quit jobs in anger in the past and has a history of poor intimate relationships, but has grown to be the picture of an ideal husband that only I bear witness to in faults. He has jumped out of friends' cars before in arguments, and they just tell it as some hilarious story of their awesome friend having a crazy spell. 

I don't know what separating would do other than protect my safety, but these episodes have always been this extreme, not gradual, and have never physically hurt me just make me terrified FOR him as I do not know how to help him further. Having struggled with my own mental issues, I understand the importance of a support system in order to improve. I realize this is not my responsibility but it is my choice as wife. I knew what I was getting into, but hoped it would stop or decrease once we were married and in our first home and in a position to deal with the issue monetarily. 

I asked for an unbiased opinion of the behavior in order to put things into perspective for us both. Surely seeing these comments will purvey the social implications of this behavior to him, and hopefully will enlighten him to the severity of the emotional damage being done. 

I will update with the outcome soon. Again, thank you for all of the concern, support, and suggestions.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Tell him that you are separating from him until he seeks professional help for his mood disorder and anger management. He needs to hit rock bottom before he'll contemplate changing. If you leaving doesn't do that for him, you'll know it's a whole divorce instead of just a separation while he works on himself.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

It's domestic violence.

Mental illness does not excuse it or make it right. He knows he has mental illness and refuses treatment. That's all you need to know. He has a problem. He refuses to seek treatment. If you left, you wouldn't be abandoning him. By refusing treatment, he's abandoning you.

Please do NOT risk having a child with this man. He is nowhere near in any kind of condition to be a parent.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Please don't let yourself be convinced by him that this is somehow YOUR fault. You may have mood disorders of some sort, but you are not being violent to him, he is being violent to you. It is classic for abusers to convince their victims that those victims are somehow at fault. 

The think to keep in mind is that lots of people do lots of "wrong" things in marriages. They burn dinner, wreck the car, forget to walk the dog, whatever. Normal partners do not become violent in response to mistakes. 

Look at how unanimous the responses are here. He is an abuser and dangerous - get out as soon as you can.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

mmmem13 said:


> I do not want to abandon my husband but it has been made clear to him that escalation of continuance without boundary would lead to dissolution of our marriage.


So two questions. When did you make this clear to him? And has he escalated since then?


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Are you certain he is not still involved with steroids? I have seen roid rage and it transforms normally mannered individuals into rageaholics. He may have so enjoyed the boost in stamina, libido and strength that he is continuing to use without your knowledge. Perhaps around his monthly injection time is when you experience Mr Hyde.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

If your husband were truly bipolar, it would manifest itself in all situations, *NOT *just at home and only you. Someone who is truly mentally ill can NOT turn it off and on depending upon the situation.

Your description of your H as appearing to change into the Hulk sounds like someone who is taking steroids, called "roid rage."

Your situation will *NOT* get better. It will continually get worse until you are dead. Get out now.

IamSomebody


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

If your husband rages at you, throws things at you, punches holes in doors/walls..it's domestic violence. He doesn't have to hit you for it to be domestic violence.

No such thing as "situational violence". When a spouse puts their hands on their spouse in anger, it's domestic violence, plain and simple.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

Please read this book, you can download it if you have a kindle or iPad. It will really help you to understand he does not have an anger management problem. He is abusive and he has no empathy for you. 

If someone has an anger management problem they have it in all situations, at work, around friends etc.

Also please read his blog here 
http://lundybancroft.blogspot.com.au


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

OP, you sound incredibly intelligent and compassionate. And, your H sounds like the one with borderline personality disorder, not you! Of course we're only seeing your calm and rational self in this thread . 

Your H either has an untreated mood disorder as you've said, or is still using steroids as another poster theorized. I hope if you show him this thread and the responses he is willing to get some serious long term help for these issues.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

SecondTime'Round said:


> OP, you sound incredibly intelligent and compassionate. And, your H sounds like the one with borderline personality disorder, not you! Of course we're only seeing your calm and rational self in this thread .
> 
> Your H either has an untreated mood disorder as you've said, or is still using steroids as another poster theorized. I hope if you show him this thread and the responses he is willing to get some serious long term help for these issues.



Op- you said that you have BPD. Have you thought your husband you might be the same. 

Even if he has BPD, its no excuse for his behavior.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

mmmem13 said:


> This is why my concern turns to IED which couples with ADHD on occasion.


MMM, you are wise to suspect IED, which is believed to affect 7% of the population at some time during their lives. Granted, your initial post seemed to rule that out because you spoke only of anger being expressed toward you. Your second post, however, reveals it to be widespread in your H's life: _"He has quit jobs in anger in the past and.... has jumped out of friends' cars before in arguments." 

_I also agree with you that you are NOT describing the warning signs for BPD or bipolar. With respect to BPD, you mention nothing about an inability to trust, a weak self identity, an inability to tolerate sustained intimacy, or a lack of persistent stable goals. And, with the exception of these brief explosive periods, your H apparently is able to manage his emotions quite well during arguments and other interactions. 

With respect to bipolar, you are not describing the cycles that typically are caused by gradual changes in body chemistry. Nor are you describing any mania. If you're interested, I describe the differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW) at 12 Bipolar/BPD Differences. 

As to IED being "coupled" to ADHD, as you say, a recent study found that 20% of ADHD sufferers also have IED. See Table at 2009 Medscape Study.


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## mmmem13 (Oct 16, 2015)

Update:

I brought up this thread with my husband, "you have already apologized and I appreciate that, so I am not attempting to throw anything in your face/rub your nose in it. But I'd like for you to see how complete strangers perceive our lives together. Despite multiple pleas for me to leave and my own wonder of 'will it be this way 10 years from now with the same problems?', I want you to know that I love you first and foremost and therefore expect better from you. I am argumentative and can be an emotional roller coaster, but I do not speak to you or approach you when I am angry in the same manner as you do for me. Please recognize the reality of an unchanged situation--I will leave you if you disrespect our marriage in this way again ever. I believe you have a big heart--"big enough to fit us both" as you've told me when I was down in times where I have said and done far worse things to myself. But I also believe your hurt and grief will destroy not just our marriage but yourself too if it remains something you are unwilling to address with a professional. I love you and I want what is best for you and for me, I'd like for that to be together." (Paraphrased from what I remember saying and feeling)

He responded calmly, "I know and I understand. I want us to be happy together and I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to be like my father was. It's not that I don't love you or that I don't understand how acting like this hurts you, it's just that when you are always unhappy about something I'm not doing right, or when you come home mad, or when you reject me, I hold it all in until I snap. I know that's wrong and I need to learn how to express my anger before it gets to that point. I will get counseling, but I don't know where and need you to help me find a good doctor this time, not one that will blame my father and drug me up. I'm sorry, I thought I could get through this on my own."

The most impressively hopeful response he gave me was to insist after he has learned ways to cope with his anger with me, he wants us to go to couples therapy to work on the underlying issues in our marriage that frustrates us to further reduce the tension and animosity in our marriage. Of course, I agreed--I am aware of my hand in the problems we have outside his aggression and I think it is imperative to work through them at a later time when it is emotionally safe to explore that. 

I'm not too proud to say that I exhibit almost all of the BPD symptoms--self-sabotage, self-loathing, self-harm inclinations, impulsivity, and split rationale of either completely good or completely bad. And I am not letting anyone tell me I am to blame for making things difficult--I found that out for myself when people have visited me in the ER in the past, that it is a separate and exceptional hurt I am capable of inflicting on my loved ones. I suppose I ignore that I am certainly not helping the situation. 

I do not think he is on steroids again, as I have found no evidence. He takes oral supplements (kreatanine and protein) and is not showing any significant giveaway bulk or gynecomastia (as before). And mainly I trust him when he tells me he is not. I have come to the general conclusion that we are both two very effed up people with effed up emotional response that would have been smarter to be in relationships with partners of utmost emotional and mental stock. But as this is an emotional decision to marry and to stay together, and given our shared emotional handicaps, I'd say it is worth a shot to work out our issues together. ...provided that actually happens and improvement can be observed and maintained. 

I told him I would leave him the night he beserked over the remote, as a final straw warning. He understands that the repercussions of another episode would be separation, and the repercussions of not seeking treatment would be divorce for irreconcilable differences, and that though I will ALWAYS love him, I will have to love him from a great and separate distance to prevent myself from relapsing over the weight of the mental strain. 


Thank you all again for your comments and support. And I am sorry if this topic has ruffled any feathers.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
This is encouraging. Given that you both seem cognizant of the problem and willing to address it together I find every reason to be optimistic about the outcome. As to ruffling feathers, we are here to assist you in getting to where you need to be, our feathers need not concern you. It is gratifying to see positive results and that in itself should smooth any ruffles. I wish you continued good fortune as you both work through your issues and find that place you both want.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

mmmem. Its good that you're confronting your husband on the issue but ultimately you have to realize that this isn't a logic thing.

Logically, he may understand that what he's doing is wrong but it may not make any difference when he triggers. What he's doing may not be rational or controllable and it may not be something you can necessarily work through together right now. It might be a longer process for him on his own and you being there may be like waving a red flag in front of a bull when he has an episode.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't try the couple's approach that you're working on with him but I think you need some very clear limits and a plan B to simply get out if he can't manage his outbursts.

Your husband may be highly intelligent, thoughtful when calm, a great negotiator, etc....but you have to realize that while those traits make him more likely to be successful in treatment, in the short term, they also make him more dangerous because it gives him the ability to very eloquently convince you to stay when you shouldn't.

You have to realize that this may not be something you can help him work through with you in his presence. You may need to both be on your own until he can certify that he's received the treatment he needs. Just be prepared for that.


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## mmmem13 (Oct 16, 2015)

I am an idiot. I received a knot on my face, a damn knot meaning a hard welt containing blood and reparatory cells, on my left cheek tonight in addition to 1) a bruised throat from being choked, 2) a bruised right knee from falling after deciding to go limp, and 3) a bruised right ankle after falling limp meant falling on the tile. 

Not asking for advice, just warning other women that think "he will change for me". He/she won't. They will only feed off of the lingering hope until you find yourself taking black eye selfies for proof and going to your parents' house praying the rest of your things are safe.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Have you called the police and booked him for assault.

Please seek shelter in a safe place. Have all injuries documented.

He is a very broken man. I pray you are able to get away from him in safety.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"grabbing my wrists, and pushing me against the wall" This is an assault. If you are married, or have a sexual relationship with, a child with, or you're a close relative of the person who did this, it's a domestic assault in my state and probably in your's. Most people who are violent are violent during some form of confrontation, so that's not much of an excuse. Partners who attack you during pleasant, tender moments are probably mentally ill. The quickest way to change his behavior would be to dial 911 and have the judge hang 11 months, 29 days of suspended jail time over his head. Before assaulting you again he'd have to consider whether it was worth spending a year in the slam. You can probably work out with the D.A. to have some counseling and/or anger management classes tossed in as a condition of his probation, but the reality of jail seems to get good results. Some guys who mishandle their wives find that trying to resist the police and getting thumped a little or Tasered helps them remember how to control their violence.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

mmmem13 said:


> I am an idiot. I received a knot on my face, a damn knot meaning a hard welt containing blood and reparatory cells, on my left cheek tonight in addition to 1) a bruised throat from being choked, 2) a bruised right knee from falling after deciding to go limp, and 3) a bruised right ankle after falling limp meant falling on the tile.
> 
> Not asking for advice, just warning other women that think "he will change for me". He/she won't. They will only feed off of the lingering hope until you find yourself taking black eye selfies for proof and going to your parents' house praying the rest of your things are safe.


Please contact a domestic violence hotline and get some help to leave him. Please be careful as choking you is an extremely dangerous sign. He may kill you next time. 

I'm sorry he's done this to you.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

mmmem13 said:


> I am an idiot. I received a knot on my face, a damn knot meaning a hard welt containing blood and reparatory cells, on my left cheek tonight in addition to 1) a bruised throat from being choked, 2) a bruised right knee from falling after deciding to go limp, and 3) a bruised right ankle after falling limp meant falling on the tile.
> 
> Not asking for advice, just warning other women that think "he will change for me". He/she won't. They will only feed off of the lingering hope until you find yourself taking black eye selfies for proof and going to your parents' house praying the rest of your things are safe.



If you haven't already, get yourself along to the hospital and have them treat and document your injuries. Next, lay charges against your H with the police and either have him removed from the house (with an emergency restraining order set in place) or you go to a women's refuge / shelter.

The only thing that's likely to change is that the violence will increase.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Hi op. 

Some of the answers you seek from your questions are a way to find justification and understanding of his outbursts. Which is the trap all domestic abuse victims fall into. Please don't go there. 

Violence is violence. And in truth, he's a weak weak man for using you as a punching bag. First verbally, and eventually physically. 

I know DA is a tricky subject. But I truly believe we "train" people how to interact with us, and how to treat us. His workmates would train him fast, either by firing him or beating the shot out of him. Thus...he's an angel at work. You trained him it's ok to yell at you without consequence because you took it since three months into the relationship. 

I'm not blaming you. Things happen in life that put consequences on thier path without us resizing things sooner. But if he has no consequence for his behaviour towards you...you will be eating dinner on the toilet many many more times. This is not right no matter how it's justified. 

Be strong girl. And for gob sakes be careful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mmmem13 said:


> I am an idiot. I received a knot on my face, a damn knot meaning a hard welt containing blood and reparatory cells, on my left cheek tonight in addition to 1) a bruised throat from being choked, 2) a bruised right knee from falling after deciding to go limp, and 3) a bruised right ankle after falling limp meant falling on the tile.
> 
> Not asking for advice, just warning other women that think "he will change for me". He/she won't. They will only feed off of the lingering hope until you find yourself taking black eye selfies for proof and going to your parents' house praying the rest of your things are safe.


Have you been to the emergency room to be checked out and record the injuries?

What are your plans now?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You have reported him to the police, right?

Right?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

mmmem13 said:


> I am an idiot. I received a knot on my face, a damn knot meaning a hard welt containing blood and reparatory cells, on my left cheek tonight in addition to 1) a bruised throat from being choked, 2) a bruised right knee from falling after deciding to go limp, and 3) a bruised right ankle after falling limp meant falling on the tile.
> 
> *Not asking for advice, just warning other women that think "he will change for me". He/she won't. They will only feed off of the lingering hope until you find yourself taking black eye selfies for proof and going to your parents' house praying the rest of your things are safe.*


Keep this utmost in your mind!

Sorry this has happened to you.

Contact police and do whatever you need to stay safe.

*Do not waver!*


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