# Why am I hanging on?



## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

A little background. My wife cheated on me with a guy from myspace. I left the house and finally came back about 2 or 3 months ago. What got me to come back was I went on a date (while separated) and so did she one weekend. Well I guess the thought of me with another woman was real enough for her to say she wanted me back.

Skip forward a few weeks, my wife had plans with her friends to goto a night club. Well when she returned home her car window was broken and her wedding & engagement rings along with her pocketbook were gone. Her story was she go into a fight at the bar and took off her rings so nothing would happen to them and someone broke into her car and took everything. I didn't believe her but her sister-in-law backed up the story.

Skip forward a little more I find her telling guys on myspace she is single and the only reason she marked herself married was because guys kept bothering her. I even found she asked for some guys phone number and was txting him. When I confronted her on it she sent them all txt and emails saying she is working things out with me and stop txting/emailing. The next day I checked her email and saw an email from one of the guys saying "Tell me that email wasn't real, I was about to ask you out this weekend.". That day I went to a therapist and explained everything. Short of coming out an saying "leave your wife the marriage if over" everything she said made me feel like I should leave. I came home and gave my wife a chance to come clean. I didn't tell her I had seen the email I figured if she cared about me she would tell me. Well she told me she got txt from two guys and told them to leave her along. I asked her if that was it and she said yes. I then told her I read the email which then she came clean and told me she was still talking to this guy but would do anything to save our marriage. At this point she deleted her myspace and gave me access to everything. Things were hard at first and I would check her emails all the time and her phone. When her minutes ran out on her phone I got her a phone in my name (what a mistake). I started checking the txt, who she called and her phone book but nothing was found. I started to feel like I could trust her again and was rarely looking to see what she was doing. Yesterday comes and I noticed the car charger to her old phone plugged in so I went looking for the old phone. I found it and it had a bunch of old messages but a new one from someone I didn't know, ended up being her brother. I then grabbed her new phone and found 4 new messages. 2 from 2 different guys. Numbers not in her phone book. The one said "Well since I'm home now I wonder how 'good' I can be". I confront her about it and after some digging and txting these guys back I find it's another myspace guy. I also find that the picture my wife sent me while in the tub (just her feet/legs) that very day she also sent to one of these guys. In fact the 3 photos she sent me she also sent to this guy.

Skip to the end of the night I find that my wife met this guy one night but nothing happen. Get this the night she had her rings stolen was the night she met him. She confirmed she didn't get into a fight and that the reason she had her rings off was because she was meeting this guy. My wife is begging me not to leave her. She said she would do anything to fix it but the truth is I don't think it can be fixed. She has lied and cheated so many times that I just don't think I can ever believe her again. And to make matters worse, I WANT TO BE WITH HER. More then anything I love my wife. I feel like such a fool for loving her. My poor boys (6 and 9) have to suffer for her mistakes. I just want them to have a loving stable home, something I never had.

I know I look like a fool to you all for wanting to fix things with my wife. I know in my mind she doesn't deserve it. I'm a good man who provided for my family. I drink like once ever 2 months, I don't go out clubbing except with my wife, I don't do drugs (although some right now would help deal with the pain). I wake up at 5:30am every morning and keep going till 11:00pm at night. I go out of my way to try and spend time with my wife and make her happy. I'm not perfect but I deserve to be treated better then she has. But how do I move on when the one woman I want to be with is the one the keeps hurting me?

She wants to goto therapy and see if this can be worked out. I just don't know if I can. I want to, but how do I live my life always worried about what she is doing and with who. My mind tells me RUN, run far and run fast and don't ever look back. I'm guessing this will be the advise I get from you guys/gals because it's the only sane thing to do. BUT, my heart and soul say give it one more shot. For nothing more then my kids (not saying stay for my kids, I'm saying try and fix my marriage for my kids sake). They are two poor innocent little boys who are put in the middle of a hellish household and they deserve better. For them I would give my world. I feel like if I don't give therapy a shot I would be depriving them a chance to have a happy life. Understand everything is in my name. I own two houses and talked to my lawyer (was filling for divorce before) and she gets nothing. So if I kick her out it means I kick my boys out too. It means they go from living in a nice house with a big back yard they call home to living in a trailer with her mother.

I feel like such a loser. I feel like I let my boys down. They look up to me and make me feel like a hero but knowing what I know, I feel like I am letting them down.

Sorry for the long post and if you didn't read it I understand. I was up till 2:00am crying and woke up at 5:30am for work and have no one to talk to. Sad thing is since this all began I have lost 24lbs due to stress and lack of eating. Between the lack of sleep and poor diet I really feel like I am slowly killing myself off.

So give it to me straight. Do I just leave my wife (well she would be the one leaving with the boys) and try to make sense of everything or do I try and seek therapy with my wife?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

ive been in your position. i can honestly say, it didnt work out in the end for me in 2 marriages and these marriages were very similar to yours. . i am currently going for divorce. who said any of life was going to be easy. its just how you deal with it. 
you can stil be the best dad. you are not letin them down. my personal opinion your wife wont stop. i have seen this so many times. they say i love you and all that, stay clean for a while and then they lose track again. 6 months down the line, your thinking to yourself, i should have left 6 months ago. wasting time. by then you can have moved on. when if you left it, you put yourself through new emotions and you get more bittersweet memories.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

:iagree: She is a serial cheater. She needs to lose everything. The only way to effect her, is to let consequence work in her life. Its working in yours. You should have left her earlier and you are going through this pain because you didn't. Sorry to hear about your situation.


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## workin on it (May 11, 2009)

I truly, TRULY feel for you, and am living in much the same turmoil right now. I know how hard it is to have your head tell you to get out of such a disastrous situation, but your heart is hanging on to some desperate hope that "they will change, this will work out" 
My DH has continued contact with his online/phone affair and is currently lying to me about it. 
I have a two year old and am pregnant, and KNOW how heart wrenching it is to think about your kids being raised in a broken home. Right now it is the only thing keeping me here and trying. My daughter is so in love with her Daddy...she loves her family. And this baby. God, he may never even know what it was like to have a two parent home, and the thought of that breaks my heart. I'm due in 5 weeks and have only put on 4 pounds due to the emotional turmoil, so I hear you there too. 

I guess I don't have any advice, I just know how hard this is and wanted to say, hang in there. People do a lot of stupid things for love. I never in a million years thought I'd put up with what I have so far, so no judgment here  I consider leaving every single day. One of these days I just might, but for now, I too am lost and confused and heartbroken.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Get away from her. You can deal with the horror of a wife who is not good for you much better than if you are with her.

there are aspects of her that you like, I get that. However, how much poison do you have to swallow because you can taste the honey?

it will take time to disengage your attachment to her, but please, please, have the courage to try. if not for you, at least for your kids.

They need a stable parent and she is not it.

Who says she gets the kids!!!

Fight for 'em.


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## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

Well she will get the kids because they aren't mine biologically. But I have been there for them since day one and I am the only father they know.

My youngest son is just like me and my best friend. When ever I am working on something he's right by my side helping. At the age of 4 I had him in the garage building stuff with me. Every Monday when I cut the grass he's right there with me. He even has his own tools to help. Sadly when it comes to the boys I don't have a leg to stand on. Not that she would ever keep them from me. 

I called to make an appointment with my therapist today but she was out sick so I have to call back tomorrow. I still don't know if I will be making it for myself or for the both of us. At this point I went so hard to believe that it can work but no matter how much she changes I don't know if I could ever get over the things she has done to me.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If these boys were born during your marriage, despite not being yours biologically, you may have legal recourse to keep them.

If not, well, I'm sorry.

In any case, get that toxic 'wife" out of your life.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Read my thread on being dumped. I know your pain! 

She's a serial cheater and a liar. You don't need that. 

It's time to get out! Don't know about the kids...talk to a lawyer, that's what they're for. 

Do not prolong the pain, because you will never be sure of her. And you will NEVER forget!


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