# Wife moving out and I'm scared!!!



## pcp316

Hello everyone, I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. I'm not sure this is gonna come out right so here it goes. We have been married for 17yrs in November, together for 18yrs. She is moving out on the 31st of December, we have three kids 14, 10 and 5. For the first few years of our marriage I was emotionally disconnected, I wasnt well versed in how to deal with a relationship due to only growing up with my Dad and not seeing how a proper relationship was supposed to be. I only had one serious girlfriend before me and my wife started going out so not much experience there either. Throughout our marriage she feels she has been the one who gives more love to me than I have given to her, I believe it was because I was emotionally stunted in the relationship area, I have always loved her with all my heart just wasnt able to express it very well. So we separated in 96 due to me not being able to find a job in California after I got out of the Navy, we got back together within 6 months, I believe since then I have been making baby steps to try to improve on my faults. So now recently she had to go back to work at a bar type resturant invironment after her business had to close. She says she felt unsafe with me because I didnt get another job besides my full time job where I work 4 days, 4 days off of 12 hr days. So things have been deteriorating the last 6 months rapidly, although for her it has been building up for years with my inability to fully show my love for her in more ways than just telling her ie. getting another job. I have been soul searching for the last three months and have been making leaps in the emotional department and have been, in my eyes, a dream come true for her, but she thinks it will go back to how it used to be once things smooth over, like it happened in the past and has put up a wall so to speak with her emotions. So now I am starving for her love and showing her all my love and not getting much of anything in return. So now she has an apartment she is moving into in the neighborhood but she still says she is commited to our marriage, still loves me, still is in love with me and has the goal of getting back together after she sorts her own thoughts out, I am scared she never will sort herself out or will just never come back to me. We are in the early stages of seeing a therapist and are hoping for the best. I know this has been a long post and confusing but hopefully someone can give me some insight and/or advice. Thanks


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## pcp316

Well, I guess this should be moved to the "Going through Divorce or Separation" cause I helped her move out today to her apartment. Sucks. And no replies to my thread either.....sucks also.


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## noideato20

pcp I dont have the same situation as you except for the eighteen year part and three kids. My husband moved a month ago and we have little or no contact because i guess thats what im supposed to do for my sanity. The only thing I can say is Im sorry your are going through this but at least she still loves you and is willing to work it out. Be prepared for some significant pain when shes not with you. Its been eighteen years and that is a big change for you. It feels like your missing part of yourself sometimes. Try to stay busy with the kids if you can and read a couple of books. The love must be tough by dobson is good and the five languages of love. Post on here so you wont feel so alone. I wish you the very best and maybe the new year will present you with an opportunity for a healed marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pcp316

Thank you for your reply and well wishes, it is painful and very confusing, her saying she loves me but not showing it to me that much. I do have the 5 languages audiobook and I burned it to disc for her and when I assked if she wanted it she said of course, so life right now is such a roller coaster of emotions from day to day and sometimes hour to hour. Maybe with her being in the apartment it will give me time to really get on track with what I should be doing for her, myself and for our relationship, seems when she is around me lately I am to preoccupied with my physical attraction to her and when I dont recieve that type of attention from her it sets me off, so trying to stay positive, trying hard. Thank you


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## noideato20

Pcp dont forget to do some things for yourself its not all about her and her happiness. it takes two she will meet you halfway i hope. Sounds like u know what your doing though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cancan

I am curious... what is happening with your kids? Are they staying in the house with you or did they move to the apartment with your wife? And how did you explain the situation to your kids? My husband and I are considering separation and have kids of similar ages.


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## findingpeace

I really hate to hear about your situation being seperated in my experience makes it even harder to grow closer when my wife moved out we tried at first to work things out then the phone calls get longer apart your wife starts to build a life where she lives it gets harder to scheduale time together and in my case it led to my wife having an affair and destroying our relationship even more I am not saying this is going to happen to you but you and your wife better set ground rules down right away agree not to see other people and ask what eachothers intentions are or like me your heart will get ripped out even worse and now I am looking at a divorce I pray that you can work things out and try to get back together as soon as possible my wife signed a 6 month lease that also causes an issue it is ellegal to break a lease so hoe ever long the lease your wife signed that is how long you will have to be apart it sucks unless you can sub lease the apartment out well be strong and I wish you the best of luck


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## pcp316

cancan said:


> I am curious... what is happening with your kids? Are they staying in the house with you or did they move to the apartment with your wife? And how did you explain the situation to your kids? My husband and I are considering separation and have kids of similar ages.



Well the kids are going back and forth between her apt and the house with me, depends on the day really, whether I'm working or she is or if they just want to stay the night over there, which my son didnt want to the other night, we have crazy schedules. We sat them down and explained what was going on, I let my wife start the conversation since she was the one who decided to move out and from her first sentence (maybe you guys have noticed me and your father have been fighting alot lately...) my 14 yr old began sobbing. I was pretty speechless after that since I didnt want to start crying in front of them, very difficult talk to have with them.


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## pcp316

findingpeace said:


> I really hate to hear about your situation being seperated in my experience makes it even harder to grow closer when my wife moved out we tried at first to work things out then the phone calls get longer apart your wife starts to build a life where she lives it gets harder to scheduale time together and in my case it led to my wife having an affair and destroying our relationship even more I am not saying this is going to happen to you but you and your wife better set ground rules down right away agree not to see other people and ask what eachothers intentions are or like me your heart will get ripped out even worse and now I am looking at a divorce I pray that you can work things out and try to get back together as soon as possible my wife signed a 6 month lease that also causes an issue it is ellegal to break a lease so hoe ever long the lease your wife signed that is how long you will have to be apart it sucks unless you can sub lease the apartment out well be strong and I wish you the best of luck



Wow, thanks for the reply and well wishes. It sucks right now, really confusing, she says she loves me and is in love with me and there is no one else but she moves out and has built an emotional wall, so she doesnt show me any love only words. I dont feel that she would have an affair but I am not naturally a very trusting person and the fact that she is drop dead gorgeous and works at a bar doesnt help any but I cannot have those thoughts in my head cuz they ruin any trust that I have for her. We are Christians and I beleive her heart is with me. Not that Christians have any better track record than any one else just telling you where I'm coming from. We are seeing a counselor and the therapist even said that the longer we live aprt the worse our chances are of getting back together (I almost high fived the therapist when she said that). My wife only signed a three month lease which is good I guess, I made it a point to tell her that it doesnt mean she has to live there for three months if things start going well and she is ready to come back before that. We'll see how it goes, trying to stay strong and give her only love but sometimes she pisses me off soooo much at the stuff that she does it get real tough. Sorry for your situation.


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## pcp316

Well, thats it, she came to therapy yesterday and said that her heart is not in the marriage any more and that she doesnt want to be married any more, she has filed for divorce. I was soo hopeful that God would show her and change her heart but in the end I dont think it made a difference to her. I am hurt, disapointed, shamed, lost, confused and scared that I will never feel the comfort of love from another woman, I am almost 40 and feel that it is hopeless to think that I would be worth anything to another woman. I know I must pick myself up and that things will get better but right now this is the pit that I am in. The worst part is my children will have to live with this mistake for the rest of their lives and that I still have to see their mother throughout all of this when I would like to just never see her again and forget we ever met, may God forgive me. Why is this type of thing happening to sooo many people right now, very odd how common this is right now. my wife and I used to be sooo annoyed hearing about people getting divorced and that those people thought marriage was a disposable thing, now look at us.


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