# Need your advice please



## myelw316 (Nov 18, 2011)

I am posting in this forum because I desperately need some help from someone who is at least beginning the reconciliation process when their spouse originally wanted a divorce and separated.

My H of 17 years (4 kids) separated 2 months ago (living at his mom's)
Acting the last 3 weeks like he is working on our marriage, but then got very bad news from work (not sure if that is related to this or not)
My H told me 'I told you I don't see any reconciling between us. I enjoy your company but that is about the extent of things'. 
What's funny is that a month ago I would have looked at this as progress...he was so angry and didn't want to see me. He started pursuing me as I backed off and stopped asking questions. I asked to see him wed. and then on friday I mentioned the weekend (as in us possibly going out) ....that's when he basically starting talking divorce again. 
Then this text was on Sunday after I was asking about our situation. I KNOW not to press and ask questions and to even seem to pursue, but I got impatient.

My questions are:
1.Who on these forums has reconciled after an EA and hearing ILYBNILWY type of comments? Anyone?

2. And how did you help or hurt making that happen? 

3. How do I 'go dark' when my husband comes up with 'urgent' situations every time I try to do it? 

Because I think this is also partially a midlife crisis I wonder if the 'going dark/no contact' works in speeding that up....
I know I've read to do that for an affair, but that you can't speed up a midlife crisis...so I feel we got to a good place and do I 'go dark' and make him miss me I need advice and preferably hope.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

myelw316 said:


> My questions are:
> 1.Who on these forums has reconciled after an EA and hearing ILYBNILWY type of comments? Anyone?


Me, see "When is enough, enough" in the reconciliation forum. Note the time line.



myelw316 said:


> 2. And how did you help or hurt making that happen?


The four words in my signature helped us through it. Being clingy and too doting impeded or reversed progress. Read Dobson's "Love Must be Tough"



myelw316 said:


> 3. How do I 'go dark' when my husband comes up with 'urgent' situations every time I try to do it?


He is trying to control the situation, you must be in control. If it isn't "urgent" in your mind continue to go your own way.


----------



## myelw316 (Nov 18, 2011)

Amplexor, thank you. 
Just today I was finally able to tell my husband 'Do not contact me in any way unless there is a true emergency. We will discuss bills and kids/visiting through email.' 
I then wrote him a letter stating briefly my love for him, but refusal to continue allowing him to have both me and an exgirlfriend. 
I wished him well in his life and said that I have loved him almost half my life and if he is going to throw our family away, that is on him.
Now I guess I wait. And also move on.
I think this is the hard part.
Out of our 4 children, 2 are very angry and wish not to see him and one desperately misses him and is depressed and the last in only 2.
Not sure how to go about 'forcing' the 14 and 16 year old to see dad when they know he abandoned everyone for an ex that he hasn't seen but plans to see.


----------

