# How would you handle your WS throwing sex with their AP in your face during a fight?



## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Your spouse cheated, during one of the many fights you have about everything wrong in your relationship, the cheating included...as a form of relatiation for bringing up his/her cheating again, the WS says "Yeah I ****ed her/him, it was great, I f*cking loved it." 

How do you react? Do you blow it off as them just trying to hurt you or do you lose your collective sh*t? Especially if they say they absolutely didn't mean it, only did it to get a rise out of you. 

This happened to me, described it in my thread in Sex in Marriage...I did the ugly psycho growly screaming thing. 

Would that be a deal breaker for you as the BS trying to reconcile..having the AP thrown in your face like that?


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Deal breaker. Done. Gone. Unforgiven.

F'ng Period.


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## Brokenshadow (May 3, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> Your spouse cheated, during one of the many fights you have about everything wrong in your relationship, the cheating included...as a form of relatiation for bringing up his/her cheating again, the WS says "Yeah I ****ed her/him, it was great, I f*cking loved it."
> 
> How do you react? Do you blow it off as them just trying to hurt you or do you lose your collective sh*t? Especially if they say they absolutely didn't mean it, only did it to get a rise out of you.
> 
> ...


Deal breaker? For certain. Hell, that would tip toe up to the line of me pricing hefty contractor garbage bags and hack saws at home depot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Simple: Throw the "D" at them.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Wouldn't even respond. Just throw them out and file; keep some of your dignity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Was it in his manic period?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

It was the last straw for me...

I am just curious if it would be for other BS's too...


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Shadow_Nirvana said:


> Was it in his manic period?


Yep


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

Manic or no manic period, it is OUT OF THE DOOR for me .... 

NO REMORSE

NO RESPECT

His goose should be well and truly cooked.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

What a hurtful thing to say. I wont lie..I have heard very hurtful things from my WH in the last several years. Most were when he was mad. And later apologized for them. REGARDLESS of when or how it was said it is still hurtful and you cant unhear it!


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> It was the last straw for me...


I understand this. It is very hard to be in a relationship with a bipolar.

On the other hand... why would you engage him in a fight during a manic period? You know they are agitated, lose complete control, may become psychotic etc.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Let him buy you a Lexus for that one. If children are involved, no. I would knock him below the belt with a line about his performance, prowess and size of his parts.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

I try to restrain...he just knows how to push those buttons. He knows exactly how to mentally mind f*ck me into playing his game when he is off the rails.


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## NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME RIGHT? (Sep 28, 2012)

Wow. Just wow.

I would be done. Totally and completely.

The most important ingredient in a reconcilliation is a wayward spouse who regrets their actions and is committed to rebuilding their marriage/relationship. With his statement he clearly showed he is neither. 

I would have walked away, met with an attorney the same day and filed. I would then have told him, "yeah, I met with an attorney and filed for divorce. And it felt great. I F-ing loved it. Now get out of my house."


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Is he taking his medication regularly? How far apart are his manic periods and how severe?

Unfortunately for him, you are not his parent and have no obligation to take such crap.

While it pains me to read about psychiatric patients losing their relationships because of their conditions, you have a life to live, too.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Would that be a deal breaker for you as the BS trying to reconcile..having the AP thrown in your face like that?


Yeppppp. 

"I hope the two of you go fvck yourselves to death. There's the door. Bye."


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

SomedayDig said:


> Deal breaker. Done. Gone. Unforgiven.
> 
> F'ng Period.


:iagree:

Hell to the yeah!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Well, could it be that your have been bringing it up too often and using the affair as a low blow for everything? I'm not blaming you but sometimes we are hurt and mad and tend to use the wrong things our spouse did over and over instead if burying it after we said we are ready to move on.

Only reason I say this is because I'm guiltly of doing this. It can cause frustration on the WS after too many times because they feel it will always be thrown in their face.

Remember that our IQ drops when we are mad and sometime we are just looking for things to say that will hurt until we feel that we "won".

Before you leave as its suggests by some. Look back at go over the fight and see if what I posted happened. If not then I would agree that it shows no remorse from his part.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

*How would you handle your WS throwing sex with their AP in your face during a f*



SomedayDig said:


> Deal breaker. Done. Gone. Unforgiven.
> 
> F'ng Period.


This! Without even thinking twice about it.


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## punkinhead (Mar 19, 2013)

Lisa,

His statement alone is enough to make you question why you are still there. I read the rest of your thread and this man is an irredeemable @ss. Wait, I said man... I should have said child. 

I don't care how angry you may have made him; no one has the right to say the things he's said to you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> It was the last straw for me...
> 
> I am just curious if it would be for other BS's too...


It's the last straw for you? what does this mean? Have you kicked him out? Have you called a lawyer to file for divorce?

What are you doing since this was the last straw?


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Total deal breaker. She'd only be able to tell it to my attorney after that because I'd make the 180 look friendly.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Well, could it be that your have been bringing it up too often and using the affair as a low blow for everything? I'm not blaming you but sometimes we are hurt and mad and tend to use the wrong things our spouse did over and over instead if burying it after we said we are ready to move on.
> 
> Only reason I say this is because I'm guiltly of doing this. It can cause frustration on the WS after too many times because they feel it will always be thrown in their face.
> 
> ...


:iagree: completely.

Not to mention nearly all the posters here are giving advice on the assumptions that the guy is mentally stable. Normally, he probably is. In a manic period, he isn't. It isn't uncommon for bipolar patients to engage in fights, affairs, addictions, gambling etc.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Speaking only for myself ~ *"What fight?"* 

Call me a hard-liner if you will, but news of them merely dropping their drawers for someone else would be an automatic! However, the emotional and deceitful aspect of their affair alone, would largely be more than enough to do the relationship in, just on its own merits!

Given that, it takes a minimum of two to have a fight! So once again, *"what fight?"*


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

mablenc said:


> Well, could it be that your have been bringing it up too often and using the affair as a low blow for everything? I'm not blaming you but sometimes we are hurt and mad and tend to use the wrong things our spouse did over and over instead if burying it after we said we are ready to move on.
> 
> Only reason I say this is because I'm guiltly of doing this. It can cause frustration on the WS after too many times because they feel it will always be thrown in their face.
> 
> ...


Except.....

under such circumstances if you are the WS you had better be damn careful what you say, and if you can't control your anger in such a way that you once again _humiliate_ your BS in the worst way, then that's enough.

I understand getting frustrated and angry at a BS who just won't let it alone, but to say that? No, sorry.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

that's messed up. 

If you don't have kids go find yourself a good man. We're out there. 

If you do, that makes things a little more complicated. But still you should be planning your exit imo.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Everyone has their limit. This would have far exceeded mine. I would file and put the wayward in my past as quickly as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

SomedayDig said:


> Deal breaker. Done. Gone. Unforgiven.
> 
> F'ng Period.


This. A hundred times.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

PreRaphaelite said:


> Except.....
> 
> under such circumstances if you are the WS you had better be damn careful what you say, and if you can't control your anger in such a way that you once again _humiliate_ your BS in the worst way, then that's enough.
> 
> I understand getting frustrated and angry at a BS who just won't let it alone, but to say that? No, sorry.


I agree with you, but the fight she described seems like the insults are flying all over the place and that's were things get nasty and mean, only she and her husband know how bad it got. Which is why suggest she take a step back and look at the situation. If she stays then they need to stop pulling things like the affair into every fight they get into, otherwise they will not be able to reconcile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband was the one who cheated. If I think I have the right to throw that in his face all the time, he is welcome to divorce me, as he should. But if he EVER threw what he did in my face like that, the freak out I had on D day would PALE in comparison to what I'd say and do then.


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

mablenc said:


> I agree with you, but the fight she described seems like the insults are flying all over the place and that's were things get nasty and mean, only she and her husband know how bad it got. Which is why suggest she take a step back and look at the situation. If she stays then they need to stop pulling things like the affair into every fight they get into, otherwise they will not be able to reconcile.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The fight started with Him "I am sick of always feeling like I have to ask if you are ok." Me "Well, I guess you should of thought about that before you did what you did." 

Enter the air humping and what his words...


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> The fight started with Him "I am sick of always feeling like I have to ask if you are ok." Me "Well, I guess you should of thought about that before you did what you did."
> 
> Enter the air humping and what his words...


I'm sorry, that sound horrible you deserve better. No way is that showing remorse
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> "Yeah I ****ed her/him, it was great, I f*cking loved it."
> 
> Would that be a deal breaker for you as the BS trying to reconcile..having the AP thrown in your face like that?


The affair would have been a deal breaker for me, but, assuming I was reconciling, I suppose the context would be important. What did the BS say to the WS just prior to the WS making that statement? Was the WS pushed to the edge? Was the WS exasperated, laughing, what? Did you say something to elicit that reaction?

T


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> It's the last straw for you? what does this mean? Have you kicked him out? Have you called a lawyer to file for divorce?
> 
> What are you doing since this was the last straw?



Just done. I can't kick him out, but I am not sleeping with him any more. I am emotionally detaching the best I can and just sharing a house...for now.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Horrible behavior - simply horrible and unacceptable.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

lisab0105 said:


> The fight started with Him "I am sick of always feeling like I have to ask if you are ok." Me "Well, I guess you should of thought about that before you did what you did."
> 
> Enter the air humping and what his words...


I gotta tell ya, your reaction to what he said, taken completely out of context the way it is here, is something I would NEVER say to my husband. But then, I think our overall relationship is in a better place than yours is right now. If my husband said that to me, I would be trying to figure out why he felt that way.


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## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

Well I wouldn't have stuck around in the first place.

But if I had, I'm not sure how I'd react. I'd hope that I could keep my cool. I think what I'd probably have to do is start insulting her back and get her to slap me so I can call the cops on her
Nothing would have been more satisfying than seeing her spend a night in jail.


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## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> The fight started with Him "I am sick of always feeling like I have to ask if you are ok."


Oh boo effin hoo for him. I suppose he expects you to grow a thick skin knowing he boned someone else, but he is all upset about having to ask if you are ok. He should thank his lucky stars you don't ask him to GTFO of the house and serve him a pink slip.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

When my ex said pretty much the same thing, I asked, "who?"
This one stumped her because she slept with two different guys at least four times and never knew their names.
Now I no longer recognize her name or even her face.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Complete and total deal breaker. It being a manic episode doesn't give him the right to be so hateful and hurtful.

Kinda reveals his true character and views in the subject of his betrayal.

You should never look back.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Not a manic episode. In verbal fights especially when they escalate and the person in the wrong is backed into a corner they will pick on the most hurtful thing to say in order to achieve parity.
He will have regretted it as soon as it come out his mouth, when he saw the reaction.
Some things you just can't fix. When a statement like that comes out the mouth, it's forever.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

BobSimmons said:


> Not a manic episode. In verbal fights especially when they escalate and the person in the wrong is backed into a corner they will pick on the most hurtful thing to say in order to achieve parity.
> He will have regretted it as soon as it come out his mouth, when he saw the reaction.
> Some things you just can't fix. When a statement like that comes out the mouth, it's forever.


Could not agree more with this statement.:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Sorry you are going through this crap again.


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

My STBXWW has done that several times now. She has brought up several times now how her OM is much better in bed than me. Once she started bringing up the details on how they did it together, just to try and hurt me. 

I sometimes wonder about her mental state. Sometimes when she gets angry she spews some awful stuff. Then next day she wants us to get back together.

Hah! the first time she did that was a deal breaker for me.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Awe hell no. That is the camel back breaker. Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you. Lisa, there is no way that "sorry," will make up for that. I would have immediate mind movies after that comment. My mother is bipo, so they can say the strangest things, but it's about impulse control. The right meds keep them on track. But with that in mind, being bipo isn't an excuse to mean, hateful and cruel. Sorry you had to hear girl, you should have shin kicked him to snap him out of it.


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> Your spouse cheated, during one of the many fights you have about everything wrong in your relationship, the cheating included...as a form of relatiation for bringing up his/her cheating again, the WS says "Yeah I ****ed her/him, it was great, I f*cking loved it."
> 
> How do you react? Do you blow it off as them just trying to hurt you or do you lose your collective sh*t? Especially if they say they absolutely didn't mean it, only did it to get a rise out of you.
> 
> ...


Hello Mrs.

This is emotionally abusive behavior. Are you kidding me...this is like the worst thing in the world that someone could do....where is this man's level of repentance and shame?

In the end....think about this....if he's so concerned about sex...what if you had a double mastectomy and lost a limb....and were depressed...and your sex drive dried up.....WHAT WOULD HE DO THEN....????????????

Leave you....that is the answer...because he's a selfish brat....

Look I'm a man....never cheated 1x...never even thought about it ever....yeah I have looked at other women....but trust and loyalty in the long haul is so much better than making my man parts tingle....don't you want that man that would stand by you and not make sex this huge focal point....??? you know..that guy who would stand by you with an arm like popeye if you lost your limbs......

PEOPLE....sex is over-rated....and loyal and trust is underrated...

what your man said to you is sick in my opinion....he bladed you in the back...and now parades it in front of your face...and makes comparison....

let me share something with you that took me along time to piece together.....and I have alot of therapy bills to prove it

Comparison is at the root of ENVY....Envy not only seeks to take what you have...but seeks to destroy it..........

So...he has made a comparison to another woman.......and COMPARISON is rooted in ENVY......so this man seeks not only to take what you have...but he also seeks to DESTROY IT.......

IT = YOUR SOUL / DIGNITY / SELF RESPECT / HAPPINESS / PEACEFULNESS

PS....did you marry someone from Jersey Shore episode? I mean come on....what person in their right mind...and man with any feeling of guilt and remorse....WOULD NEVER>>>>I REPEAT NEVER compare sex with another woman to you.....

He values sex more than other things....he values himself more than you or your feelings...this is not a partner....this man seeks to kill your soul....with his words....

My ex is a cheater....she even whined about our sex to her sister...she even made comparisons to her friends tales of sex...that they boasted to her.....

I went to therapy along time to work this out...this male emasculation....well turns out....male emasculation has alot to do with feeling less of a man....and how did she do it.....COMPARISON....

was i comparing her to Jenna Jameson? did i think our sex life was something from some fairy tale? Can sex become more bland as time wheres on and you are with the same person doing many of the same routines? Was sex even that important over loyalty and the 95% of other things that make up a good relationship? 


He is trying to make you feel like LESS OF A WOMAN by making COMPARISON.....this is evil....cruel...abusive.....and this man has his priorities in the dumpster.....

and you heard this from a solid man....who was in your similar shoes.....have some respect....and LEAVE RIGHT AWAY....this man has a sickness.....and until he 'comes to jesus' so to speak via hardcore reformatting of his brain....you are DOOMED....

Yeah...i'm talking about retreats....reading...writing....self help personal library...professional evaluation....and dropping all of his pride for some damn humility and shame.....this man needs 'paperwork' (from a professional)

Your man has a personality disorder....no doubt....that is the sickest meanest thing that he could do....

also...he must be a master manipulator...and there is no way in hell to bail yourself out of how cruel that was.....watch out for the gaslighting...or swapping his story...or down playing how evil cruel and punishing comparing you to another woman is...

my ex did that in some regards via 3rd party communications with her sister....and to me directly via way of comparing her friends sex lives to ours.....i should have walked out the door at that very moment...knowing that cheating was on deck and around the corner....

Actually the first time she made a comparison....she crushed my spirit...as the love we made...and what I was giving physically...was all that I was.....and she in so many regards was saying...YOUR NOT ENOUGH....

That is what this man is doing to you.....he is crushing your spirit...making you feel as though you are not enough....and he's taking your soul from you via his nasty words.....

LEAVE MRS.....and quick....and remember...whatever vanilla problems you have now.....ask yourself...what would he do if i had a double mascectomy...lost a limb...and was depressed for 2 years......HE WOULD BAIL ON YOU.....and serve himself....

SO SERVE YOURSELF.....don't believe a word that comes from his mouth.....and split...

what ties you here? what ties you to endure such punishment?


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

husbandfool said:


> My STBXWW has done that several times now. She has brought up several times now how her OM is much better in bed than me. Once she started bringing up the details on how they did it together, just to try and hurt me.
> 
> I sometimes wonder about her mental state. Sometimes when she gets angry she spews some awful stuff. Then next day she wants us to get back together.
> 
> Hah! the first time she did that was a deal breaker for me.


Good for you man.....yeah...that is mental....imagine...if you went and told her that Diamond from 'Peekers' was so amazing in bed.....that woman is sick.....i mean 1x is enough...it only shows the state of their priorities...and mental state....

PS...why was she trying to hurt you? My ex was trying to hurt me in many regards....as I sorted it out...I learned she had so much unresolved anger towards her father....and I became the freaking whipping post....

So...what did you do to deserve such punishing words? Please do tell? What is at the source of it.....I mean did you forget to take out the trash one day....? Did you fail to provide a fairy tale life for her? What was it? (thank you for your response)


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

Brokenshadow said:


> Deal breaker? For certain. Hell, that would tip toe up to the line of me pricing hefty contractor garbage bags and hack saws at home depot.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is funny....actually when i took all the stuff back to my ex's place when she was at work....i used a similar quote to the father....i was like...i'm not going to light her stuff on fire in the front lawn....or price lime and a shovel at home depot.....i'm going to have some class...and bring the stuff back here.....

that is a good one.....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Your spouse cheated, during one of the many fights you have about everything wrong in your relationship, the cheating included...as a form of relatiation for bringing up his/her cheating again, the WS says "Yeah I ****ed her/him, it was great, I f*cking loved it."
> 
> How do you react? Do you blow it off as them just trying to hurt you or do you lose your collective sh*t? Especially if they say they absolutely didn't mean it, only did it to get a rise out of you.
> 
> ...


Easy answer. Just shout out: "God! What was I thinking? You did fornicate outside the bounds of our marriage! 

Guess I'd better get tested for HIV and STDs, again!"

And for a male BS add this "I'd better get the kids DNA tested, too."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

"I am sick of always feeling like I have to ask if you are ok."

gosh...i didn't read that.....lets do some simple math...from this sentance....based on the number of times words are used....

I = 2
You = 1

I > YOU

I wrote in another post here...that when my ex started in about the cheating...any conversation about it.....I took out a notebook when she went on a tirade.....

I marked each time she used the words I, ME, MYSELF or any word that referred to her...it was an excellent excercise.....sometimes I would have to use like 2 sheets of paper....when she became quiet...i handed her the notebook back.....SHE WAS IRATE as she had to deal with her own DOCUMENTED selfishness.....

Try it sometime....let him go on some wild talking spree....grab a notebook.....and count I, ME, MYSELF, etc....then you will have a clear picture.....like a graph of his mind....

"I am sick of always feeling like I have to ask if you are ok."

=

I'm sick that this guilt I have is not over with yet and that I have to deal with any repercussions from my behavior. I'm not concerned if you are ok...but I'm concerned for my own self and my own feelings...because i'm a little selfish boy who has no empathy....i'm also a very sick man....

(count the words lady)


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Very logical imsohurt, I like it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

mineforever said:


> Very logical imsohurt, I like it!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah doing that writing excercise helps all of the gaslighting.....because they claim some concern for you....but all of the words they use are geared towards themselves.....its trickery really....and writing the I/me words down on paper gives you a visual representation of what's really going on...

When they cheat it should be all about you...but they cannot change their selfish ways via a flick of a switch....so all the Faux concern really is based in their own needs....and meeting them...because that is what selfish people do....meet their needs at all costs....and sell their soul to do so....

It was the clearest excercise for me to do....I had suggested to her videotaping things she was saying...she refused...so I went for the writing method....


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