# I love my husband, I need help making a decision



## pinkjellibean (Feb 19, 2011)

My husband and I got married young, I was 18 and he was 19. I am now 22. We have been through a lot of things together and I love him dearly.

For the past week or so things have been weird. Yesterday we sat down and talked and he told me he is confused on what he wants to do. He wants to stay in our marriage but feels as though he isn't leading the life other 24 year old are leading. When I asked him what he meant he then confessed to me that he lost his virginity to me (in the past he told me he lost it to his previous girlfriend). he also told me that he feels like he matured too fast and missed out on things.

He didn't actually tell me he wants to have sex with other girls but I clearly understood what the issue was. I told him we should take a break and each focus in what we want. He got mad and told me that he didn't want a break or for me to leave him. 

At this point i'm confused on what to do. I know he loves me and I love him but I just don't want him to feel as if he HAS to stay if he isn't happy


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

He sounds confused, too. He is jealous of what other guys are out doing, but he also values you. You basically gave him a free ticket to go mess around, and he said he didn't want to lose you. Any chance he might go test the waters and the reflect it back to this situation where you said you could take a break? I would suggest counseling. The honeymoon period is over, and the relationship needs to grow and mature, or it grows stale.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Do you have kids? If you don't you have a lot of options. 

What the "other" 24 year olds are doing is having fun..whether it's going to clubs or having great sex, he perceives that he's missing out. You married young so maybe he has "missed out". Chances are you have too. You should sit down and figure out together what it is he feels this way about and DO IT. Together.

Ok, maybe your sex life has gotten stale and he's feeling bored and/or wondering what it would be like with someone else? If so there are about a billion-zillion ways to "spice it up"  He doesn't have to find this in the arms of another woman but you might have to do a little homework and make life more interesting for him. 

Fact is, you are married and if you want to STAY married then his going off to "explore" sexually with other women is NOT an option. You can get into some fringe stuff like "swinging" but I personally wouldn't recommend it. What I do recommend is to be fun and adventurous. Buy some sexual toys, explore different and new positions. If you've allowed yourself to get into a rut about taking care of yourself (wearing sweatpants, no make up, gained a few pounds) then rectify this and make yourself look HOT. Make him WANT you and only you! 

Dress up, have fun! Make your husband feel like he's getting everything he needs from YOU. You can explore these things together. Start getting romantic. It might have to be you that initiates this but if there is love and passion between you he'll follow along. It might very well be that you've allowed your sex life to get boring and stale. Time to spice it up. 

This might apply to your everyday routine as well. What is it that you two do together? Have you gotten into a stale routine of coming home from work, watching some TV together and being in bed by 10? Do you do this on weekends too? Are weekends filled with "Honey-dos" (as in Honey, we have to do this <insert some boring chore around the house>?) Forget the chores..go out and have a BLAST on the weekends and save the laundry and dishes for another time. 

You are both young and there's TONS of stuff you can be doing..Go out and do it! Whether it's going to clubs and listening to music, concerts, taking picnics in the park, riding bicycles together, hiking, camping..whatever. Find a common, fun interest and do it! 

I don't know if you are planning to have kids anytime soon (I'm assuming you don't because you didn't mention it) but if/when you do then you will have the proverbial ball and chain around your legs. There's no way around it. So NOW is the time to go and have fun as a COUPLE and rediscover the passion you once had. Get dressed up and go out on dates, even if it's just for pizza and a movie. You can even stay home, get dressed up in something sexy and cook a nice meal and order up a movie on Pay Per View if funds are tight. 

DO what the "other" 24 year olds are doing but do it TOGETHER. 

Don't make the same mistake I did at your age. My husband and I built separate lives. I had fun and so did he but we were apart. He had his friends, his events he went to. His own hobbies. So did I. That's fine. Allowing him to go fishing or play poker with his buddies a few times a month is normal. If he wants this, then let him and go out with your friends! But don't let it become your routine like I did. 20 years later you'll look back and say "This was my marriage?" It'll build resentment and internal anger issues that will come back and bite you in the end. The time to deal with this is NOW. 

If you truly love each other you can make the effort to build a fun, happy and passion filled life together. It'll be worth that effort, trust me. 

And if it doesn't work don't think having kids will make it better. It won't. Then it's time to reevaluate and move on. I know it sounds cold but life is short and you don't want get "stuck" and be in a bad marriage if it's not going to work. You married VERY young and are still young. You both have lots of options..don't rule anything out. 

Basically I'm saying to you what I would do if I could go back in time 20 years and "redo" my marriage. You sound a lot like where I was in the first year of my marriage. Please don't make the same bad choices I did.


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## pinkjellibean (Feb 19, 2011)

First of I want to thank you both for taking the time to answer me. We do not have kids so I do agree that we should be enjoying life to the fullest together. Sexually we did hit a rough patch about a year ago but lately it has been great. I really want this to work out and I think he does too. I feel like even though we are young, we fell into a boring daily routine. @ Freak On a Leash, my heart goes out to you and i really appreciate the advice


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Damn it! You don't have kids? :smthumbup: Double up on that birth control and get out there and party down with your man! At least do whatever you can to make life interesting and fun together. I go to the clubs every weekend and see 20 somethings dancing and having a blast. Go out there and be one of them!! If that's not your scene then find something that is and get into it. 

And until the day comes when you don't feel the need to start a thread like the one I'm replying in then don't you DARE have children, you hear? You don't want to be pregnant and posting in the "Considering Divorce and Separation" forum!

I'm glad the sex is starting to fall in place and I HEAR you about the "routine". THAT is the problem. It's SO easy to get like that when you are married. Don't allow yourself to fall prey to the routine. Let the laundry stay dirty for a few more days. Order in pizza instead of cooking! Don't watch American Idol, turn off that TV and have wild passionate sex instead! You are FREE to do as you please. All you have to worry about is each other and both of you should be having a BLAST. 

NOW is the time to spice it up. Get on Google and do a search of the things you both would like to do and find some FUN stuff to do! NOW IS THE TIME. Once you have kids and are surrounded by diapers and formula you won't want to be saying "If only". You want to be saying "Well, at least we had a blast and now we are into this stage"..or maybe kids aren't for you. Just don't have them until things are good for you as a couple. 

I'm telling you this from the perspective of a person who has 20 years on you. I actually have done some cool stuff in those years but unfortunately not with my husband. Now I don't have a husband. Don't let it be you. 

If I could go back I'd give myself this same advice and PRAY that I listen to it. I hope you do too.


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