# Please help! Husband doesn't initiate sex but loves to look at Internet women.



## jacparr85 (Aug 6, 2012)

Hello all- I have a dilemma and I don't know if I am crazy or what is going in... Ok so my husband has always been weird about initiating sex. Last year I found a lot of porn and naked women on his computer. I know he is sexual so why can't he initiate!? It is making me feel terrible about myself. The only thing is all I have to do is touch him sexually and he has an erection. Should I be complaining? Help!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Absolutely you should be complaining. Regardless of how you feel about porn, it is clearly effecting your sex life. My guess is that this has been a problem for awhile.

Can you explain a bit more about his being "weird about initiating sex"? Has sex ever been good for you two?


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## homebuilder (Aug 25, 2012)

Maybe he fears rejection or has low self esteem. Have you turned him down a lot in the past


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## jacparr85 (Aug 6, 2012)

The porn is out of the picture. We now have the same work schedules so I know he isn't looking at porn. He has always said he is uncomfortable initiating bc he has performance anxiety from time to time and he gets embarrassed. Been like that since the beginning really. But now that I found the porn last year I feel bad about myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

I think it feels awesome as a man to have the woman initiate sex, it a great confidence boost to know she has been thinking about getting some (lusting after me if you will) and is willing to take things literally into her own hands. 

However I have to imagine it feels the same for a woman when a man lets you know he had you on his mind and starts taking your pajama bottoms off while kissing your neck. 

It doesn't sound as though porn is effecting his performance and he seems to always be ready to go at moments notice, so it sounds like he is being a tad selfish by denying you the satisfaction of good solid rogering on his own terms.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

He turns to porn because he has no performance anxiety when pleasing himself.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

jacparr85 said:


> He has always said he is uncomfortable initiating bc he has performance anxiety from time to time and he gets embarrassed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But earlier you said you only need to touch him for him to get an erection. Which is it? 

You are also unclear because you say porn is a problem, but then you say it's out of the picture. I'm having a hard time understanding you.

Regardless, remember that porn is entertainment for him. There's no reason for you to take it personally. Do you want him to take it personally every time you like to watch some actor on the TV or in movies?


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

It is a confidence issue, I suffered similar when I was just starting out on the road of exploration, initiating a woman older and more experienced was always a little daunting but after talking about things with them I got better and once confidence was no issue I never looked back 

I think maybe he uses the porn to overcome his anxiety, it is possible that full arousal for him deadens the nervousness?


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

> Regardless, remember that porn is entertainment for him. There's no reason for you to take it personally. Do you want him to take it personally every time you like to watch some actor on the TV or in movies?


I am sorry but this is not the same thing at all. Men aren't nearly as self conscious about their bodies as women are, nor do they face such intense scrutiny. Porn hurts women because they mistakenly feel their husbands are comparing their bodies...because this is what women do and advertisers feed on...less wrinkles, less fat, perkier boobs....the list is endless! I understand you are trying to make her feel better but you are doing it with the assumption she thinks like a man 

OP he is likely masturbating because he has no performance anxiety when by himself. However he has to understand that masturbating is making the problem worse because he is likely feeling guilty about it. He has to work with you on it, not turn away from you. He is being a man when he chooses to deal with problems on his own, they are built that way.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

Don't you just hate it when the pages all get stuck together!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Last night my wife asked me to tell her a "playful" bedtime story to get her all excited. So I did my best, but ended up getting berated because there were too many elements of my story telling that were not plausible. When I tried my best to make the story plausible, then it was not exciting enough. I eventually found a loophole to make my story exciting, but had to agree that I would consider in real life to start buying lottery tickets. 

Meanwhile, for me all she has to do is touch it, OR just mention that she might touch it. I once heard a comedian say that a wife could even roll up a magazine and swat at it to get her husband excited. I have to admit that would likely work. I am not perfect when it comes to porn and I do try to be mindful of nefarious things I look at, but I would say that if all you have to do is "touch it" that everything is OK and there is not much to complain about.

If anything, let him find some "porn for women" on your computer to be playful with him! Or they sell these at the bookstore you know. Just say'n:


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