# World has done a 720 due to affairs and lies!!



## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

Here is my story..

I been with my soon to be x-wife (papers will be received Feb. 3rd 2021) for 5 years and married 4 years. I thought we did everything right, did not move in with each other till we got married (which we dated for 8 months) I submitted to her to handle all the bills and I become the bread winner. I trusted her with everything, I mean trusted her with my whole heart. I truly thought she was that perfect angel 😇 sent to me. A year after we have been married we decided to have a child (well little to know we had 2 lol TWINS!)


Now let me remind you I work in the car biz, I have been working in it during our whole marriage. So when babies was born I was kinda a absent father due to my hours, I should have helped more I know this but after the twins we started to grow distant. She started to resent me a lot. We decided to do couple therapy and it was going good. We got pregnant with another set of twins ( I was scared to death) but I was going to raise me little ones as much as I could. Well there was rumors going around that during our problems she was having a affair with a co-worker that is a cop (she is city clerk) well it bothered me but she swore there was nothing!! So later down few months we was in Memphis for a NBA game with our older boys we had from previous marriages (which let me mention she did have a long affair on her first sons father) but I shrug that off in past because she told me she learned her lesson. Anyways she had a miscarriage and the older boys didn’t want to go to the hospital so I stayed with boys and she went alone. I admit I shouldn’t have done that. After all the rumors I still thought she was telling me lies about her and that cop. But I do wish I would have went with her tho, then she had more anger and we started to do good than bad. Well we had our ups and downs but I took her places to travel and built this beautiful house for her (she choose everything) in thought I was going to grow old with her and raise these boys together in same home. But I started to notice about 6 months back she had been getting really close to the chief of police at her work. Then she started deleted texts. I thought that was strange. Then after telling her I was going to check phone records she said her son needed a new phone and she left me to another phone service. That was strange too.


Then suddenly the chief of police left his wife and she left me the next day. Me and my family thought that was strange(heck they both even went and talked to major that the was leaving their spouses but had nothing to do with them) well a week later she came back home. We was perfect I was falling in love with her again. Then on November the 2nd I went by to surprise her because we was leaving to go out of town for anniversary that was on the 7th, and I will be damn his vehicle was parked at her work (which was all the time) I took pictures and sent it to her asking why is he always there. She got mad and defensive saying he is fat, ugly bald have really bad teeth and if she was to cheat on me it sure hell would not be him. Remind you last 2 years she has accused me of running around on her and I was 100 faithful to her.


Well after the fighting she canceled our anniversary trip to the mountains (where we got married) she packed up and left me. Then she called me on our anniversary and told me she cheated on me with chief of police (which i thought was a friend for over 20 years) but she says it was few times. I am still shocked that he has not lost his job being chief and her as city clerk and him chief of police and they had this affair during lunch times which I know is lie and know they did it in the clock as well! 


So later down road she moved out a rented a place right next to him. I thought that was strange. Then suddenly she was in love with this guy and they went to the mountains together.(which where we was suppose to go) They take other trips too. I thought that was strange but I heard rumors that they been seeing each other for a while. So time went on and one day she shows up at my work and said she met with a preacher and she wants to work things out with me and use god together and patch up our marriage. She seems a little sorry but put all the blame on him and never took any. So I took her back. We hung out most of the day and then she said she was going to go pick up the boys and some cloths to stay night. I had a feeling in my gut she was not coming back (especially since he had moved in a living with her) so few hours later she calls me crying like crazy and said she was confused and not coming back. Knowing he was there with her she told me she has been having a physical and emotional affair with him for over a year. I was crushed. They been having the affair durning me buying a 40k truck and building that 290k house for her. I don’t understand why she couldn’t have left me bf I built this house, how could she live a double life? I mean she told me she loved me all this time (which all she was living was lies)


Now they live together and he has just took my place playing house with my children. Btw he has been married for 20 years and has a 14 year old and 18 year old and a 23 year old daughter.

She has torn my whole family apart and the other wife’s too. It’s horrible I have never been so hurt, embarrassed and my pride is crushed.


Well after all this we have signed papers and it’s a binding contract and Feb 3rd we will be divorced. I am still so hurt, I thought she was almost perfect and never betray me like this. I want to move on but during those last months I fell back in love with her and I’m just so fresh. They are not fresh due to the long affair. Even my kids say his name and they love him. I tell you this is by far the most pain I have had ever. I will say I do have 50/50 custody so that’s good. But now I’m going have to deal with picking up my kids and him being there in the car with my kids and her. How can someone be so heartless to the father of her children? How can she just give up everything? Family, friends in-laws, house, vehicles and others. She seems so happy to start this new life with this ugly guy that worships the ground she walks on and waits on her hand and foot! I’m not saying I didn’t do that but I worked a lot and possibly didn’t do that to her standards. I know time heals. I wish I could close my eyes and wake up and healing has been done. Now she says she is a reborn Christian and takes her affair partner to the church I introduced her too. I am just having such a hard time with her replacing me so fast. Any advice would help! Thank you! Sorry if there is poor grammar.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I would blow up this affair and tell everyone -- the pastor at that church she goes to, her family/your family, friends, her co-workers, his, etc.. Won't change anything but YOU should set the record straight as she is probably telling everyone that YOU had an affair and that is why she left.

I would also report him AND her to the appropriate authorities about them having an affair on work hours (BUT you need to have proof to back that up). I presume his wife knows all about this? You should discuss with her also.

As for the kids, not much you can do with him around -- YOU need to make sure that YOU are ok (exercise, eat right, etc.) and that YOU have a great relationship with the kids.
You can explain to them in an age appropriate way that the reason you will not be with them all the time is that Mommy decided to get a boyfriend while you were married, which she wasn't supposed to do (you MAY want to wait until after the divorce for this).

She isn't the person who you thought she was or the person you are "in love with". You are in love with the IMAGE you have of her -- which she is clearly not.

Also, stop talking to her for ANYTHING other than the kids or the divorce. IF she tries to discuss anything else, just tell her to STOP -- you are not and will NOT be friends with her -- you aren't friends with cheaters.

VERY sorry you are going through all this.


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

Wonderful advice thank you, yes his wife knows it all, we live in a small town and I do tell everyone the truth as much as I can. Thank you once again I needed to hear mostly everything you said. I tried to tell the major but he has no balls and lets her run the whole office. I do hope karma serves them soon. I hope to live to see it.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

How is it that he did not lose his job? Have you informed his boss?


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

Too bad you can't turn back the hands of time because it's not that she was unfaithful that did you in, it was your response to her unfaithfulness that did you in. Every alarm bell that rang, you brushed off as being "strange". If you listened to your gut (I know it was talking clearly to you) you'd have your house at least. I feel very bad for you and you were handed a very bad situation, but you greatly enabled her to defile you. At some point in time, you defend yourself from the free swings at your head that cheaters assault betrayed spouses with

You first lift your arms to deflect the punches and then begin throwing a couple of strategic ones yourself. Not to maim, but to defend yourself and family. As a public official, you could have sued him or exposed him to the point of influencing his every move, but you just looked at him and her craft a life for them at your expense. Geez, this really hurts me man. Granted, laws are heavily slanted towards females, but you have rights also and I don't get the impression you exercised them as aggressively as you should have, hence your situation is much worse than it needs to be.

Lastly and most importantly. You sound like an extremely good man. Too good for your xwife and too good for many of the broken women who are out there. You were a dolphin swimming next to a shark. Keep being a dolphin as there aren't enough of them in the world. But here's the thing. Dolphins are unbelievably smart and I recommend you leverage your intelligence in ways to protect yourself which means being judicious with your love and know your worth so that you give it to someone capable and mature enough to handle the responsibility of being your wife, which comes with many rewards. Be blessed and I hope for the best for you.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

You need to blow them up at work by filing an official complaint about them having an affair. It’s not enough to assume the HR will do something independently. Force their hand by making a big stink. Also since you live ina small town, make sure everyone knows about them. Don’t make it possible for them to walk around with pride on how they got together. Yes, blow her up at the church too. 

as for you, start working on yourself. I know it feels like the end of the world but there will be a brighter future if you work towards it. The best revenge is living a good life. So makes sure you take extra care of yourself. Exercise hard, and get your appearance on point. ( clothes, hair, beard, and hygiene).

Also work on your career. Not just by working more hours but making a switch to a job that is has less grueling hours. Being a good co-parent is hard if you are putting in insane work hours.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If she was genuinely a born again Christian she would not be having an affair with a married man nor destroying 2 families. Any decent pastor would tell her the same. Sadly you married a cheater and she is still a cheater, what a surprise.
Just be the best dad you can and in time you will heal and be able to move on but its very painful I know. Its highly unlikely that their relationship will last as they are both cheaters and family wreckers, so there will be more trauma for your children, so be there for them. She has behaved terribly to you and the children, she is very selfish and cruel.


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

manfromlamancha said:


> How is it that he did not lose his job? Have you informed his boss?


It’s a small town and Mayor won’t let him go. It’s sad because the lady 2 bf her chiefs did same thing to city clerks. That town is a joke!


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

DNA test?


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

Idyit said:


> DNA test?


I could but the twins look just like me and my first son from previous marriage and they both have my blood type.


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

Oh she mo


Diana7 said:


> If she was genuinely a born again Christian she would not be having an affair with a married man nor destroying 2 families. Any decent pastor would tell her the same. Sadly you married a cheater and she is still a cheater, what a surprise.
> Just be the best dad you can and in time you will heal and be able to move on but its very painful I know. Its highly unlikely that their relationship will last as they are both cheaters and family wreckers, so there will be more trauma for your children, so be there for them. She has behaved terribly to you and the children, she is very selfish and cruel.


Oh she blames the devil got a hold of her and that is one of reason she did what she did. What is crazy is in her mind she expects me to be all friendly to her for our kids and I don’t give 2 craps about being kind to her!


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

I must say she did give me the house, but I did have to pay her a small amount of money to make her happy. She said it was owed to her.. smh


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

You had kids from a prior marriage and thought it was a good idea to have FOUR more with someone you were married to for only FOUR years?? Do I have that right?


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

RebuildingMe said:


> You had kids from a prior marriage and thought it was a good idea to have FOUR more with someone you were married to for only FOUR years?? Do I have that right?


no I have a almost 18 year old son from other marriage and divorce and have twins with cheating spouse. We lost a set of twins in miscarriage.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Austin1979 said:


> It’s a small town and Mayor won’t let him go. It’s sad because the lady 2 bf her chiefs did same thing to city clerks. That town is a joke!


Bring it to the papers, bring it to the state attorneys general. DON'T let the mayor hide this.
Go to the town council meeting and ask the mayor in PUBLIC why he is allowing this?


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Have you talked to a lawyer? Did you have a prenup?


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> Bring it to the papers, bring it to the state attorneys general. DON'T let the mayor hide this.
> Go to the town council meeting and ask the mayor in PUBLIC why he is allowing this?


I am worried if I go to the meeting and cause problems that he will get chief of police there and they arrest me. I don’t won’t to do anything that takes away me having my children 50 percent off f the time!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I don't know where you live but there are very very few places in the United States who would fire someone for having an affair. It would have to be a rule in their employee manual or something and even then I don't know if they would do that. People meet people at work all the time and have affairs. 

So don't hold your breath that someone's going to get fired because they get divorced and go with someone else. 

That said, sorry this happened to you and that you're going through it. I have an idea how many hours you were probably working in car sales because I worked in car sales for one year. There are a lot of jobs that demand too many hours for too little money. 

Your divorce will be final soon. I don't think you should keep dwelling on the fact that you thought she was such an angel and then this happened. You sure didn't know her very long when you got married. 8 months is nothing. But the truth is sometimes things happen. Sounds like she just meant this guy and it's not about that he's good looking or any of that but they must have just clicked. It sounds like she cared about you very much and she did try to do the right thing more than once but just couldn't stick with it. You guys have so many kids that it must be very stressful for both of you and especially the mom taking care of them most of the time. Just having the kids may have changed what she feels she needed in a man. Like you said he does a lot of stuff for her. Of course that may not last forever. They may not last forever because they haven't known each other all that long. 

I'm sure she cared about you a lot and she shouldn't have cheated. But she did and it's done. you're going to have to find a way to move forward. You're going to have a lot of responsibility for your kids now so you're going to have to make time for that. Hope the new year is better for you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I didn't say get beligerent or disruptive. Just bring up the topic as to why the Mayor has not taken action with two town employees having and affair during work hours. Make sure you get a person from the paper there to cover it. Do NOT let them hide this. If they try to bring in the police to arrest you, make sure someone is there to video the event so that YOU can use that when you sue the town for wrongful arrest.


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I don't know where you live but there are very very few places in the United States who would fire someone for having an affair. It would have to be a rule in their employee manual or something and even then I don't know if they would do that. People meet people at work all the time and have affairs.
> 
> So don't hold your breath that someone's going to get fired because they get divorced and go with someone else.
> 
> ...


Thank you for advice, I do need to move forward. It’s just tough because I went to bed with wife telling me she loves me and I had great family to waking up and all crushed and gone. I hope in time it will heal.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She’s a serial cheater. I’ll bet my next paycheck that she will cheat on this guy too.
At least you only had 5 years invested in your cheater. Lots of people have far more invested.
She says the devil got a hold of her? Ha!
The devil didn’t need to do anything but stand by with a bag of popcorn and let her own deceitful, cheating ways do the work.

I hate that this happened to you, but you’re not the first. Don’t forget one second think that this is all your fault. I’ve seen husbands who do everything and more get cheated on and treated like trash. The fact is, there are some women that have character and know what love is and value their husbands, and some don’t. Yours doesn’t. She never will. She won’t value her current husband either.
It isn’t in her to do so.

You are hurting now. It will take a long time but you’ll heal and there will be someone else that will come along. Right now you think you’ll never love another. You don’t even want to. In a couple of years you’ll meet a new woman. If she’s a good woman, you’ll see the difference in her and your pretender. And you’ll be happy.
Try not to dwell on why, or try to understand her. You’re not a cheater. So you will NEVER understand it.
Good luck.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Austin1979 said:


> I thought we did everything right, did not move in with each other till we got married (which we dated for 8 months) I submitted to her to handle all the bills and I become the bread winner. I trusted her with everything, I mean trusted her with my whole heart. I truly thought she was that perfect angel 😇 sent to me.


WOAH!

I don't mean to kick a man when he's down, but how in the Holy Hell did you think marrying someone you've known for mere months and have never even lived with is "doing everything right"? 

At 8 months you're still getting to know each other. You're still under the rose colored glasses effect of limerence/New Relationship Energy for up to the first 2 years. That's the time to be trying each other on for size and see if you're a fit, not the time to be making permanent lifelong commitments.

Please take it much slower next time around.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I hope in time you are able to move forward enough so that every time you have to have any dealings with her it isn't like picking a scab. You're going to have to just be polite to her and her new man on the occasions you have to deal with them. In that way if you could do that you will be the bigger man. It takes a lot of strong will and discipline to deal with things like this. unfortunately it probably will keep you from fully trusting someone again. 

Take some time to deal with all this but try to distract yourself and not let yourself just dwell on it all the time. I'm sure you did the best you could and I think she knows that, so don't go blaming yourself. Sometimes things just happen. The sooner you stopped willing on it then the sooner you can start being social and take your time getting to know the next woman.


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

MJJEAN said:


> WOAH!
> 
> I don't mean to kick a man when he's down, but how in the Holy Hell did you think marrying someone you've known for mere months and have never even lived with is "doing everything right"?
> 
> ...


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> She’s a serial cheater. I’ll bet my next paycheck that she will cheat on this guy too.
> At least you only had 5 years invested in your cheater. Lots of people have far more invested.
> She says the devil got a hold of her? Ha!
> The devil didn’t need to do anything but stand by with a bag of popcorn and let her own deceitful, cheating ways do the work.
> ...


Thank you yes I spend way to much time trying to understand what she did. That is so draining. It’s just hard. These words you have to me are right and wise. Thank you


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

and I thought I was doing it right because of my past relationships. I was wrong tho


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

8 months is way to short. You now see that you married and had children with an impulsive woman who will destroy her family on a whim. There was no clicking, or any special connection. 

once she went back to work, the first guy that paid her attention, she opened her legs. If you spend time on TAM and similar boards, you’ll see that MANY married mothers that were SAHM for years, when they go back to work, fall prey to attention from a new man.
Like I said earlier, get to work on yourself.
start workout, reconnect with male friends and start doing any hobbies or activities that you gave up to be a family man.

also, At every turn, let your family, friends, acquaintances, fellow parishioners know that these 2 started their relationship on adultery which included breaking upn2 families. Do not take the high road so that they can twist it into you not meeting her needs. You tried doing the “right” thing and it but you in the but. Now put yourself 1st.


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## georgiamoon (Jan 1, 2021)

Looks like she found someone who worships her and moved on. My advice would be let them play. Maybe he will put her on pedestal as long as he lives, or maybe his passion will soon wear off. I am not sure if they are married or plan to plan to do so, but usually reality will set in after living together for some time (chores, bills, kids, etc.)
If you still love her, then patiently wait and use the kids-switching windows to let her know your heart. Or maybe you will soon meet someone else who catches your eyes. 
Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck! 
And please believe in Love. 
God bless you.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Sounds to me that you saw the warning signs. She did to you what she did to her ex which is typical. You can always count on a person repeating their behavior. Your wife is a cheat. Life will go on for you. I am sorry you had to endure this. It is very heartbreaking to realize the truth of someone you have cared for who has lied and cheated. This is not a reflection of who you are. This is a reflection of who she is.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*@Austin1979

You had four threads on this topic. I merged all of them into this one thread. You will get better input with just one thread on a topic.*


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Austin1979 said:


> Oh she mo
> 
> 
> Oh she blames the devil got a hold of her and that is one of reason she did what she did. What is crazy is in her mind she expects me to be all friendly to her for our kids and I don’t give 2 craps about being kind to her!


If she really belIeved that then she would be back with you and not committing adultery.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> WOAH!
> 
> I don't mean to kick a man when he's down, but how in the Holy Hell did you think marrying someone you've known for mere months and have never even lived with is "doing everything right"?
> 
> ...


To be fair we only dated for 9 months before we married and 15 years on we have a very strong marriage but sometimes you do need longer.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I dont think the mistake you made was neccessarily marrying too soon, we got married after 9 months of dating, but it was ignoring the massive red flag of her having had a long affair on her first husband. There is no way that I would marry anyone who had done that.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

It's over. Move on. Be the best father you can be and slow the hell down in the next relationship. In fact, I'd suggest you wait a while before you even think about dating again. It sounds to me like you got off easy in terms of the divorce terms. Take some time to figure out why you so passively allowed this situation to evolve the way it did.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> I dont think the mistake you made was neccessarily marrying too soon, we got married after 9 months of dating, but it was ignoring the massive red flag of her having had a long affair on her first husband. There is no way that I would marry anyone who had done that.


Totally agree, that dating a person that was in an affair, especially a LTA, should automatically downgrade that person to only a booty call status. You should never put a ring on it, or even move in with someone like that. No matter how hot she is.


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

joannacroc said:


> I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Have you talked to a lawyer? Did you have a prenup?


papers are done but when she does not get her way she says she is getting lawyers involved. Smh


EleGirl said:


> *@Austin1979
> 
> You had four threads on this topic. I merged all of them into this one thread. You will get better input with just one thread on a topic.*


Thank you


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> To be fair we only dated for 9 months before we married and 15 years on we have a very strong marriage but sometimes you do need longer.


It's an odds game. The odds are against whirlwind courtships and marriages, but people will still roll the dice. Some, like you and I, walk away winners. Many more walk away after losing everything.

Trust, but verify. Due diligence and all that.


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

Yes you right. I definitely walked away in a good position. I’m very happy about that 4 sure.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Austin1979 Are you and the kids in counselling?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Move on, live a life of honesty and integrity. Strive to be the best version of yourself you can be. Work hard and smart at your job, be the best father to your kids that you can be, and trust in your children's' judgement: they know who their real dad is, and as long as you are there for them and show them your love they will stay bonded to you. Most of all, always be 100% honest with your children, even when your STBXWW is lying about you to them. 

Make sure you are eating healthy, exercising, and being good to yourself. Once she is out of the house, maybe start re-modeling the house to turn it into the dream home you always wanted. I think that as time goes by, and as you heal and gain more distance emotionally from your STBXWW, you will begin to see how draining she was to you and your life, how she never really did have your back, and how much better your life is without her in it. 

Don't be quick to replace her with another woman who is just like her. Again, use the next year to work on yourself to be the best self you can be. Learn to be emotionally independent, so that you do not gauge your value by how any woman feels about you. Good luck and God Bless.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

"*Anyways she had a miscarriage and the older boys didn’t want to go to the hospital so I stayed with boys and she went alone. I admit I shouldn’t have done that.* "

What was the reasoning that you stayed while she went to the Hospital for a miscarriage?!
did you not have someone to watch the kids?
Could you have taken the boys in a few hours to visit/ check in?

Were you guys so far apart emotionally that this was considered no big deal?

I guess what I'm getting at is that maybe you guys were both checked out a long time before anything happened?


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## Austin1979 (Dec 31, 2020)

Great advice! Thank you!!


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