# Rather masturbate than have sex?



## Hulahoop99 (May 31, 2011)

OK here's the story: my husband and I will be fooling around, and then he'll grab himself and get off. Some of the time this is OK but most of the time I would like to have sex! I have no problem with masturbation and we talk openly about it but why is he rejecting me and choosing his hand more times than not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Lazy? Watches too much porn? Selfish?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

When this happens, do you ask him why he does that? What does he say?

Does he watch a lot of porn and masturbate to it a lot? Some guys can almost 'de-sensitize' their male parts and have a hard time orgasming during intercourse if they are masturbating a lot.

In any case, it's really insensitive of him to not fulfill you as well, and you need to discuss it with him.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Bi-Flexible?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Slap his hand away, and tell him that's yours to play with.

As enchantment says, ask him. Communication is the only way you'll get your answers. Be prepared for something that makes you uncomfortable; don't take it personally or as a hurtful comment, or he'll shut down future communication. But we can make up answers all day here and not hit the right one.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hulahoop99 (May 31, 2011)

PBear said:


> Slap his hand away, and tell him that's yours to play with.
> 
> As enchantment says, ask him. Communication is the only way you'll get your answers. Be prepared for something that makes you uncomfortable; don't take it personally or as a hurtful comment, or he'll shut down future communication. But we can make up answers all day here and not hit the right one.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hulahoop99 (May 31, 2011)

Yes he does watch porn and I have been in denial on it's affect to out physical relationship. We used to have more sex. Also he has admitted to being bi but assures me he will not put me at risk. Before we met he had played with men. So now I'm coming to the idea that maybe he can't get into me because of the above truths? I'm crying as I write this. I need to talk about my feelings with him but I'm afraid he will cheat on me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Hulahoop99 said:


> Yes he does watch porn and I have been in denial on it's affect to out physical relationship. We used to have more sex. Also he has admitted to being bi but assures me he will not put me at risk. Before we met he had played with men. So now I'm coming to the idea that maybe he can't get into me because of the above truths? I'm crying as I write this. I need to talk about my feelings with him but I'm afraid he will cheat on me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


send him packing. hes not worth your effort 

are you really ok with his bisexuality?

you can do better and you know it!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Hulahoop99 said:


> Yes he does watch porn and I have been in denial on it's affect to out physical relationship. We used to have more sex. Also he has admitted to being bi but assures me he will not put me at risk. Before we met he had played with men. So now I'm coming to the idea that maybe he can't get into me because of the above truths? I'm crying as I write this. I need to talk about my feelings with him but I'm afraid he will cheat on me.


I know the truth isn't easy to face but it sounds like you know exactly what is wrong. The question now is are you willing to put up with it?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

He's gay and was hoping to stay closeted. It's not working for him anymore.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

Is this serious? You know what's on his mind when he does this, don't you? Hmmm...
Closing your eyes will not make the problem go away. Afraid he will cheat? Maybe there is more you need to fear.
Put all the good stuff about your man on one side and the bad on another. Carefully weigh and you will see the answer more clearly. Only you can do it.
All the best to you.

--
Gloria in excelsis Deo, et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis


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## Silhouette (Mar 8, 2011)

Hula, do you have children with this man?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Bi implies bi. As in either or. He's not bi.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

PBear said:


> Slap his hand away, and tell him that's yours to play with.
> 
> As enchantment says, ask him. Communication is the only way you'll get your answers. Be prepared for something that makes you uncomfortable; don't take it personally or as a hurtful comment, or he'll shut down future communication. But we can make up answers all day here and not hit the right one.
> 
> ...


 I so love that answer.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Sad truth is your husband wants a man. Search his browser history to find out just what type of porn he is viewing.


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## Jadegreen (Apr 4, 2011)

I am curious as to why he thinks you will find it acceptable that he masturbates to finish in front of you and never with you. If my husband did this repeatedly I would ask questions, and I would expect that my husband would then try and hide that he was not able to do it with me - maybe he would focus on my pleasure as a distraction, or maybe he would reduce the frequency of sex to nothing, or maybe he would complain about my performance. 

The bit about him being possibly gay is a distraction right now - he might be, but a whole lot of other things could be going on, too.

I would start by deciding how you want to feel about about sex. Then tell him that this is hurting your feelings (women have egos too) and tell him that you want to take a break until you sort this out. See what he says. Call his bluff, in other words. But be prepared for his withdrawal from sex. 

do this gently, too. don't put it as an ultimatum. You will find out something. He might be really into himself, which means that he hasn't been paying attention to how this makes you feel, or maybe your technique is not good and he doesn't know how to say this, or maybe he really does care about you, so he's trying, but he can't get off because of some hang up he has (which might be men, but could be any number of other things, like porn, or other thoughts). So then he brings himself off in an attempt to partly be there with you, but also finish for himself. Not sure. puzzling social behavior, really. 

Sex stuff can be so hurtful and difficult. sigh.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

For men, the boundaries are clear. A man who is attracted to men will never change, no matter what he says or how much time passes. It will resurface somewhere along the way. Marriage is inherently difficult enough without this sort of temptation. The sooner you understand this the better for you.
He admitted to being bi. Know that when a man says this it is an understatement. Please consider to take charge of the situation now.
Remember, the path to success is determination, the method is action. Never limit your chance of happiness.

--
Gloria in excelsis Deo, et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis


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