# Am I being too difficult



## phoenixenigma (Jan 17, 2016)

I have been in a married relationship for the past 7 years, both me and my wife are worlds apart, she is into visual arts and I'm into IT and Law.
After 3 years into marriage, we decided to have our first child and soon she changed. She became extremely defensive and blocked everything and everyone to the extent that we lost relationship with many family and friends because no one felt comfortable being around her.
She began pushing for another child soon after. I became worried as, in my view in the circumstances, she was incapable of caring for our son and the fact that she's closing herself to the outside world. I refused her persistence until I got so vary and eventually made a decision. I told her I will give her another child but I will divorce her as soon as she falls pregnant. I simply was not ready for another child. She retreated. 
The divorce card has since become a tool for me and to my utter reluctance, had to be put on the table twice more.

My question is why on earth I have to come up with such a drastic measure to stop someone which I really loved (I doubt my relationship with her now) and has anyone else experienced similar circumstances?


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## ExiledBayStater (Feb 16, 2013)

> I have been in a married relationship for the past 7 years, both me and my wife are worlds apart, she is into visual arts and I'm into IT and Law.
> After 3 years into marriage, we decided to have our first child and soon she changed. She became extremely defensive and blocked everything and everyone to the extent that we lost relationship with many family and friends because no one felt comfortable being around her.
> She began pushing for another child soon after. I became worried as, in my view in the circumstances, she was incapable of caring for our son and the fact that she's closing herself to the outside world. I refused her persistence until I got so vary and eventually made a decision. *I told her I will give her another child but I will divorce her as soon as she falls pregnant*. I simply was not ready for another child. She retreated.
> The divorce card has since become a tool for me and to my utter reluctance, had to be put on the table twice more.
> ...


Please tell me what made *this* seem like a good idea.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

[email protected] said:


> My question is why on earth I have to come up with such a drastic measure to stop someone which I really loved (I doubt my relationship with her now) and has anyone else experienced similar circumstances?


In my book, I write:

"Communication is a means of relaying information, often for bargaining purposes."

and

"Individuals learned that communication was to be used as a bargaining method or a means of exerting control and coercion. When a couple communicates, they are speaking with the covert intent to change their partner."


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## phoenixenigma (Jan 17, 2016)

ExiledBayStater said:


> Please tell me what made *this* seem like a good idea.
> 
> Also, ask an admin to change your username.


Did not seem like a good idea at all.

I use that out of utmost frustration. It appeared as no one cared about my problems and nobody (including my mother-in-law) wanted to listen. All they wanted was another child.

My mother-in-law told me that her daughter was diagnosed with depression before meeting me and the only solution to get out of it was to have a child. I felt betrayed.
The depression was just surfacing as my wife became more antisocial by day. It was appearing as if my wife was suppressing her depression all along.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yikes, your MIL told you that the only solution out of depression if for your wife to have a baby???? 

Your wife needs to get help with her depression before having another baby. And another baby might be a really bad idea for her.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Yikes, your MIL told you that the only solution out of depression if for your wife to have a baby????


:iagree:

This can't be said enough. Get your wife counseling. It's possible that her depression is being exacerbated by "Postpartum Depression". Either way, she needs help ASAP

If you can afford to, pay cash (no insurance) for her counseling and use someone who doesn't take any government money (ie Medicare) if you can. I would require a NDA with the counselor, stating they will not report to anyone outside of you and your wife--including government agencies--regarding her mental health (short of a court-order). In the US there are laws currently being considered that could forever interfere with her rights just because she needed help. It may be the case in other countries too, YMMV.

*If you can't afford to do things as above, get her help anyway! Depression is extremely serious*


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i would not bring another child into this situation. your and her problems need to be worked out before even thinking about it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your wife's problems may be much deeper than depression.

She does NOT need to see a counsellor She needs to see a Psychiatrist for a proper evaluation and as soon as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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