# lies



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

read an artical awhile back which said the average person lies 14 times a day.


there are lies of ommission .bold face lies ,white lies, and smoke up your a $$ lies,


are any of them acceptable.between husband and wife?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm going to say yes. If I told the blunt, honest truth all the time my marriage wouldn't be as great as it is now. 

My husband thinks I like watching hgtv, thinks I'm okay with him going to bed early without me, and no of course I don't mind going back to the store for YOU. <giggle> I could go on and on but you get the idea.

I do all these things because I love him but tell him the truth about it? Hell no. I'm not stupid.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I'm going to say yes. If I told the blunt, honest truth all the time my marriage wouldn't be as great as it is now.
> 
> My husband thinks I like watching hgtv, thinks I'm okay with him going to bed early without me, and no of course I don't mind going back to the store for YOU. <giggle> I could go on and on but you get the idea.
> 
> I do all these things because I love him but tell him the truth about it? Hell no. I'm not stupid.


I agree, these aren't hurtful "lies" you're not unhappy about it, yeah it's not your favorite thing to do, watching hgtv, or mine going to watch UFC, but I'm not suffering, bitter or angry about it haha 

Lying by omission was a favorite in this house so I hate that type with a passion because the person omitting the info thinks they are doing nothing wrong because they didn't outright tell a lie....

My final verdict is the only type that is ok in a marriage are the ones quoted above


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Mavash. said:


> I'm going to say yes. If I told the blunt, honest truth all the time my marriage wouldn't be as great as it is now.
> 
> My husband thinks I like watching hgtv, thinks I'm okay with him going to bed early without me, and no of course I don't mind going back to the store for YOU. <giggle> I could go on and on but you get the idea.
> 
> I do all these things because I love him but tell him the truth about it? Hell no. I'm not stupid.


are you not afraid that resentment will build up and then when you finally say I never really liked that he will be like WTF.

I personally feel the less lieing the better. white lies like dose the dress make my a$$ look big is the exception. unless her A$$ just keeps getting bigger and bigger


why lie about not liking having to go back to the store. just say I on my way home if you really need it I will go back because I love you and leave it at that.
when handled that way your husband get the full picture and hopefully will be thankfull and reciprocte when its something similiar that you need him to do for you.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

I'd rather tell the truth, even if it hurts. However, I do try to be as tactful as possible; I'm not into hurting people.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't sugarcoat. My wife will typically not ask me what what if she's not interested in hearing something she doesn't want to hear. So I rarely if ever lie. At work's something entirely different. My job is to pry and poke, misrepresent, lie, cover up, confuse, annoy.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

I'm a terrible liar. That's why I don't play Poker.

I will "gentle up" the truth. But I don't cross the line very often.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I don't sugarcoat. My wife will typically not ask me what what if she's not interested in hearing something she doesn't want to hear. So I rarely if ever lie. At work's something entirely different. My job is to pry and poke, misrepresent, lie, cover up, confuse, annoy.


Attorney? lol


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> are you not afraid that resentment will build up and then when you finally say I never really liked that he will be like WTF.
> 
> I personally feel the less lieing the better. white lies like dose the dress make my a$$ look big is the exception. unless her A$$ just keeps getting bigger and bigger
> 
> ...


In those cases, I often joke that I don't want to, but I will. It is truthful, but in a non-hurtful or confrontational way. 

The lies of ommission are kind of a gray area. For example, if my wife asks if would I like to watch HGTV, I might respond that I will watch it with her. I have not really answered her question, because the brutal truth is I don't particularly like those shows. I do watch it with her because I know she enjoys it. Have I lied by ommission? Not really sure.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

I just don't see the harm in being nice and doing stuff the other wants to do, just like I kinda expect my H to do things I like because marriage is give and take...I don't feel that in the end I will harbor any resentment toward my H for spending Saturday nights out watching UFC, I make it fun for myself and he is having fun, and darnit we end up having fun together, everyone's happy


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> In those cases, I often joke that I don't want to, but I will. It is truthful, but in a non-hurtful or confrontational way.
> 
> The lies of ommission are kind of a gray area. For example, if my wife asks if would I like to watch HGTV, I might respond that I will watch it with her. I have not really answered her question, because the brutal truth is I don't particularly like those shows. I do watch it with her because I know she enjoys it. Have I lied by ommission? Not really sure.


Lying by omission is more along the lines of telling your SO everything you did or every place you have gone, but omit certain details because you are afraid of how he/she will react....like you went to watch a sporting event or something like that with friends, but fail to mention one of those friends was a chick that is an issue in your marriage or that you went out bar hopping with friends and fail to mention a particular bar you went to because you think/know your SO would not be happy about it...stuff like that.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> are you not afraid that resentment will build up and then when you finally say I never really liked that he will be like WTF.


I don't do anything that causes me to feel resentment. Been there done that and know how that works out.

Finally came up with another example. Husband asks if I'd like to have sex. Here are my possible answers SOMETIMES:

Blunt: not really.

Truth: not really but I will do it because I love you.

Lie: Mmmmmmm I've been thinking about you all day <said as I reach for him and yes I end up enjoying myself despite not wanting to at first>

Maybe this is totally wrong but it's working for me.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> I will "gentle up" the truth


I like that. Tact and empathy, yet still the truth.

Lies are anethema to love, respect, and trust. If you accept the idea that white lies are ok, where is the line? Maybe I am too sensitive to the subject right now, but I find any lie to be unacceptable.

A white lie is a dangerous thing because the teller is engaging in projection and mind reading, as well as possible self-delusion. "Oh he will be hurt if I tell him this dinner doesn't taste fantastic, so I'll say it is good". Which becomes "He'll be upset if I tell him the truth about this important thing, so I'll just not tell him". Which becomes "I don't want to be held accountable for this thing I did, so I won't tell him and then he won't be angry. I am just protecting _him_".


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> Attorney? lol



No. I'm a 'troubleshooter' for Federal contracts that are circling the drain, over budget, late, deficient, possibly criminal or likely to kill the wrong people. Half systems analyst half Grand Inquisitor.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> No. I'm a 'troubleshooter' for Federal contracts that are circling the drain, over budget, late, deficient, possibly criminal or likely to kill the wrong people. Half systems analyst half Grand Inquisitor.


Wow, way more interesting than attorney haha


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> read an artical awhile back which said the average person lies 14 times a day.
> 
> 
> there are lies of ommission .bold face lies ,white lies, and smoke up your a $$ lies,
> ...


I just asked my husband this and his answer was ....the only time it would be acceptable is if she was going to knock your teeth out. 

I never been one to sugar coat with anyone, most especially my husband....he would say I have gained some tact over the years , some grace even.... but he will take me as I am....even though sometimes it is not what he wants to hear, even if it hurts, he says he still wants my honesty. I feel the same. The BIG STUFF, the foundational stuff I should say.... we heartily agree on in life ....established in dating.... so I guess this makes it EASY for us somehow, we are both very forgiving & never expect perfection from each other either. 

He always says this is precisely why he trusts me so much -cause he gets the GOOD and the BAD, the not so easy to hear .... So when it is Good , it is "to the heights" ...and when it is bad....it is just real venting... it is just something we need to work on, talk out some more, draw up a plan, come to a peaceful place where we are both honestly "satisfied" and fullfilled. 

....as I see it, without these things, there would be a loss of connection to some degree and silent resentment climbing, how could it not be? I see this as "stuffing", trying to bury, being fake, it never leads to a good place. 

I can honestly say .... I have never felt any resentment towards my husband since I even met him.... The closest I have come was upon learning He was hiding his feelings of wanting more sex from me! He was trying to save me, but he wasn't saving me anything -he was hurting himself & that was just NOT OK with me- I would NOT have wanted that. 

I want to deal with the stark reality of the situation, it is important for us both to be happy and BE REAL. If we have differences.... we have differences .... this is nothing new under the sun for couples. That doesn't mean we can't go along & put some *enthusiam* into these moments with the other-because we genuinely love , with our partner knowing it may not be our full cup of tea... that we want to go along for the ride anyway ....isn't this about "*attitude*" , after all ? 










Like me, I am not crazy about Coin shows but I happily go with my husband, I *HATE* playing Monopoly with the kids , board games in general -he knows this -but he still wants to me play sometimes with them, so I do it.....I try to smile, I have to work up the attitude with all that is in me, but after an hour of rolling the dice, it starts getting to me ... I am ready to throw myself on the floor in agony out of being so antsy to get it over with, but he appreciates that I put forth the effort for a stretch of time -for the kids. 



> A list of various types of Lies here:
> 
> 109. The Different Kinds of Lies You Tell - Dawson's Blog - TheHopeLine Community
> 
> ...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> Wow, way more interesting than attorney haha


I guess though my mindset is that everyone lies about everything to everyone all the time, even over nothing. Must be why I love the show "Rescue Me". To be fair my wife doesn't really have a dishonesty filter. It's like dealing with a small child or an autistic person sometimes who just blurts out whatever w/o editing it first. Me? just not in me to deceive family members and loved ones. So my kids think I'm kind of prick on that score for telling them exactly what I think.

Wife's family is all lawyers straight up and down. Just about all of them going back to Moses.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I guess though my mindset is that everyone lies about everything to everyone all the time, even over nothing. Must be why I love the show "Rescue Me". To be fair my wife doesn't really have a dishonesty filter. It's like dealing with a small child or an autistic person sometimes who just blurts out whatever w/o editing it first. Me? just not in me to deceive family members and loved ones. So my kids think I'm kind of prick on that score for telling them exactly what I think.
> 
> Wife's family is all lawyers straight up and down. Just about all of them going back to Moses.


The only thing I ever "Lie" about is, "that sounds like fun let's do it/watch it", even if it doesn't, but then half the time I end up having fun anyway. Or, my H has a very bad back and he'll ask for a massage, sometimes I'll say no I really don't want to, but I will, and sometimes even if I don't really want to I tell him sure.... it's just boring and I don't want to, but I know it makes him feel better and it's not really all that bad in the end. Anything else I am brutally honest, everyone jokes about how I have no filter haha We were at an office lunch and we were all just sitting there talking and one of my co-workers would yell filter, filter every time I would start to talk haha


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

I will not lie for something serious but if a friend says I love this shirt and I wear it as much as I can because blah, blah, blah. Then I'll lie and agree. Serious lies I hate. If you do something you own it don't try to lie and get out of it. You own what you do. If it was wrong apologize. If it was right then stand up for it. We all make mistakes no need to lie about them. That's just another mistake.


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