# Hurting Wife



## prettyinpink05 (Nov 1, 2008)

I started looking for a web-site that where some people just can go and just let go..talk or chat with people maybe or have been through what they are going through.....

Well let me start by saying I have been married know going on 8yrs this month and have been with my husband for 15yrs we have 3-children together,but about or should I say five yrs ago my husband sat me down and told me he did something really bad and he really do not know how to come out and tell me, but as we continued he finally said he had an affair and this woman had a child and at the time when he told me this child has already turn 2months and that night I felt like my hold life and everything we work for went right out the DOOR I could not believe this was my husband father of my children telling me this is what he has done to his family....But to try and make a very very long story short..since then it's 2008 and we have been trying to work through things yes it took me until this year to really try and not really or just get it out of well I don't know...but like I said it's 2008 and yes has he repeated the same thing more than twice but I say three times I just found out about another woman that he had a child with this yr and that...but let me give you points on leaving yes 100% tried to leave time and time I DO NOT LOVE MY HUSBAND anymore he just time and time telling I sorry, he know I hate that word SORRY you should have to do stupid thing to hurt the one you love then come and tell them ur sorry BULL i believe...time and time I say I will stay here until our youngest get in high school then leave but some people will say DUM reason to stay for the children. He has doe evrything in his power to try and fix it all know but what can he fix nothing and he is very afraid that one of these days his family is out the door.. Please HELP let me know still here is a very STUPID thing....


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I think only you can decide what is best for you and your children, and by the sounds you already have your mind made up. He had an affair and many couples do recover after them. Problem is step one would be to cut all contact which he can not do for the sake of the other child. Chances are it was not a one night thing and he kept it under the covers for a long time before telling you. So he lied to hide his lie.

Now, if you want to stay with him until the youngest is away, that is fine, but do you really believe it will be any less stress for them to know dad has another child you never got to see. Or That after all these years you hid a secret, and their happy childhood was an illusion?

It is a hard choice and I guess it come down to how you feel about him as a father, and what it will do if he doesn't see his kids as much.

But as I started, I think you have already made up your mind and you just want to understand why.

draconis


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

Are you saying he has fathered "two" children from other women while being married to you?
That's what it sounds like in your post.


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

Do you really want to wait and waist more of you time on him? It will be hard for the kids no matter what age they are and it will take time for them to heal. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and it was hard but I made it and I am pretty much ok. I don't blame them for everything bad that happens in my life. My mum explained to me that they just can't get along anymore and it is best for all of us if dad went away for a while. "For a while" turned into forever but that's how it is. 
But back to you....Your husband made a mistake once and you forgave him, right? If he really learned his lesson why did he go out and do the same thing? He either doesn't respect you enough or he has some serious issues. Either way, think about yourself and your kids first. You are teaching your kids that it is ok for people to hurt you. 

<hugs>


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## prettyinpink05 (Nov 1, 2008)

I understand what is being said but once again what about my children, yes I have to stop putting on this picture like nothing is even wrong cause at times like now I'm dying on the inside.......

Just last night we was watching a movie and it was about this married guy having all these affair on his wife but he kept saying he love his family and he want to be with his family and my husband turn and look at me and said I so so so sorry for everything I have put u and us through and I just do not know what to do to make it right so I just look at him and didn't say a word..I just DO NOT FEEL anything anymore...


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

I think that tells you something, doesn't it? When you don't feel anything you are heading for trouble. I think I'm just about there too. The only reason I am still here is because I wanna be able to say "I gave it my all and wasn't just looking for an easy way out." But enough is enough.


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

I'm sorry to hear about the pain you've had to go through, prettyinpink05. 

When I first read this, my reaction was very much simular to Aceso's. Draconis (as always) provided some very good wisdom/advice, and it is something that you have to decide for yourself on what you will do. If you need to understand more about it before making the decision, you will need to dig deeper.

I know the underlying problem still exists in the relationship and it hasn't been identified or addressed.

I would encourage understanding the *6 human needs*. I've written some material in another post on this forum about it and will launch my own materials later on with a more indepth look, but I beleive you'll find the answers in there. I would also encourage the husband to review the material too, as I beleive he'll be able to do something about it once he understands why he's running destructive patterns.

From there you should be able to decide what the best next step is.

If you need help in clarification or understanding what the 6 human needs are, feel free to pm me.


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