# Army wife, husband cheated



## Cheshyre.Catt (Aug 16, 2015)

I will try to summarize, but it seems like there is so much to say because the details make such a diffrence.
Married 16 years now, together for almost 20.
My husband cheated, while on his last deployment, with a female soldier.
He left me, and our 3 children, June 2014, supposedly because he got her pregnant. 
He came home after she supposedly miscarried (details I have learned cause me to doubt she was ever actually pregnant) at the very end of July 2104.
A month later he started seeing her again. I had only strongly suspected this for months, until I caught him at her house just over a month ago and he finally admitted some.
He moved into her place a few days later. 
We now have 4 children, our 4th was born in April, and I do not really know how I should handle the situation. (4th was conceived shortly after he returned home last July, when I believed things would be OK. Regardless of anyone's opinion of the wisdom of having another child, we now have 4 daughters.)
As of right now, he claims to want divorce, but has not yet filed legal separation. 
I believe this is just the tip of the iceburg (he has a history of chatting online and watching porn when he thought I was asleep - and he was drunk). 
I am not sure whether I have it in me to try again. 
So far, he is in the fantasia-like stage of his affair. He has not stated the desire to come back. I believe he will, eventually, because - if nothing else - he had a really cushy home life. 
I am a Bible-believing Christian, and that plays a strong role in my convictions.
I am simply wondering what kind of child support and alimony I can expect to recieve if he does follow through and divorce me. There is nothing I can do to change his mind or convince him he is doing wrong. so all I can do is try to have a realistic idea of what I can expect.
I am aware of the implications of what he has done, but I don't think he is. He seems to believe he can have a quick, easy, quiet, and painless divorce process.
Any advice is appreciated.


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Do you own property together? How about money together?
Do you have a job outside the home or is a SAHM?

I am sure you will get child support, how much, will depend on where you live. How much he earns, as well as you. 
Just keep you head on and don't sign any papers without speaking to your own lawyer, she/he would advice on what is best in your situation. Do not make him force you to get a fast divorce because its convenient for him. Have your lawyer look thru everything first. Good luck. More people from TAM will give you more advice as they get more info from you.


----------



## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

As always it is your choice if you divorce or not.
Just know this: The Army will ENSURE he pays child support, spousal support,etc... Should you divorce while he is still enlisted or an active duty officer.
Not saying his goals are to string you along til he gets out but this isn't about winning the man anymore.

This is about the FOUR girls being taken care of right?


----------



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

CC. The legal questions are very straight forward. The mims are set by stature by the state you live in. Although because of his military status their may be federal issues. The fact both the WW/OW are both service personal raises the stakes. Although the military does a poor job enforcing them, the penalties are real. See a lawyer. Call several ask for fee schedule. Pick one and make appointment.

As to your beliefs: there is nothing that require you to accept and endure this marriage. Think Paul "if your eye offends you.". Him in your home involves you and four girls. Porn ? Other women? Christ does teach forgiveness, but that does not mean destroying your personal integrity.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Cheshyre.Catt said:


> I will try to summarize, but it seems like there is so much to say because the details make such a diffrence.
> Married 16 years now, together for almost 20.
> My husband cheated, while on his last deployment, with a female soldier.
> He left me, and our 3 children, June 2014, supposedly because he got her pregnant.
> ...



You have been treated badly in this marriage, with porn, drunkeness, other women and now an affair. You should not say in this and the bible allows divorce on the basis of infidelity.

Get a good lawyer to see your rights and what he would have to pay you
Do the 180 on him, you need to be strong and emotionally detached for your kids. no more discussions with him. Obviously he has no boundaries, you lay them down now and only talk about kids, money.
Do you have any family or friends nearby you can count on for support. 
Expose his shenanigans to your family and friends not for the purposes of getting him back just to ensure he does not rewrite history seeing he is having an affair with a colleague. 
File for divorce


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The military will not divorce you, so your home state has jurisdiction over domestic and family law matters!

Get yourself a good attorney and have them advise you legally, then file! Also, the military takes a dim view of its personnel "fooling around!" Feel free to talk to your CO!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

Keepin-my-head-up said:


> Just know this: The Army will ENSURE he pays child support, spousal support,etc... Should you divorce while he is still enlisted or an active duty officer.


Exactly. Talk with his chain-of-command. If he's fraternizing with another Soldier, they would definitely want to know and would take action against both of them. As long as he's in the service, you'll have no issues getting taken care of.


----------



## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

BAH is yours. His Command will enforce that. If he's moved out and not providing you support, particularly BAH, get in touch with his 1SG today. They'll rectify that, or give you the guidance you need to rectify that, in short.

CS and Alimony is very state specific. but in most states it sounds as though you'd qualify for some level of maintenance based on the length of the marriage. 

Over 10 years, you are eligible for half his retirement also.


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Malpheous said:


> BAH is yours. His Command will enforce that. If he's moved out and not providing you support, particularly BAH, get in touch with his 1SG today. They'll rectify that, or give you the guidance you need to rectify that, in short.
> 
> CS and Alimony is very state specific. but in most states it sounds as though you'd qualify for some level of maintenance based on the length of the marriage.
> 
> Over 10 years, you are eligible for half his retirement also.


This is spot on.

First stop is the orderly room of his unit for a meeting with his company commander.

It would happen within two months at the most, likely sooner.


----------

