# He filed now what?



## MonaL1sa (Sep 1, 2010)

I've never posted anything online before so this is my first..Hello everyone. My husband filed for divorce yesterday and it's been a little less than 2 weeks since he left. He left me on a Friday without so much as a good-bye or I'm sorry. I came home after work and he left me a note. I spent 5 years with the jerk and all I got was a stupid note. I'm waiting to be served the divorce papers, I know he's filed for sure. So my question is, what now? I'm angry, sad, heart-broken and disgusted; weird mixed feelings but I'm just all over the place trying to keep it together. He doesn't think I know that he left me for his ex girlfriend but I know because I found a chat he had with her that morning before he left me a stupid note. He's been talking to her since the day he met me and carried a 5 year relationship only to leave me one day and run back "into her arms". I hate him!
I'm thankful I have a strong, supportive family behind me but at the end of the day it's still me and my mind left to dwell in all these mixed feelings. 
He was a chronic marijuana smoker for 8 + years, miserable and still in love with his ex girlfriend. I feel like he was never really mine; his heart and mind were always with her and that makes me sick! He was abusive emotionally and called me every name in the book and yet I feel sad, why? I feel like I failed but I know I tried my very hardest. I maintained a full-time job these past 5 years and gave him every single check to help with bills. I went to school full time to pursue my dreams of becoming a nurse, I cooked, cleaned and took care of his every need and yet I wasn't good enough or I guess in his mind not her.
Should I go to counseling? Should I get away? I'm so lost. I know I'll never forgive him for the pain he's caused me and I'm ready to get through this divorce but what should I do to help myself deal with all these mixed feelings and emotions?
I feel like I just want to get on a plane and go somewhere far, far away.
Sometimes I feel like calling him and just cussing up a storm but I've kept calm and have ignored him because I just don't want to ever hear or see him again. 
Are there any good books out there anyone could recommend on divorce and healing?
I'm young and I know I'll move on; I'm not worried about "moving on" because right now I don't want to ever be in a relationship again, lol
I just want to heal within and move forward. I want to become a better person and not bitter. I want to just focus on my life for once and not about pleasing someone else. I want to be the best version of "me" and I know in order to do that I'll need to get over these past 5 years and all the abuse I had to put up with. I want to forget this man ever existed in my life; I want to forget I allowed him to even be in my life. What hurts me the most right now is that he left without saying so much as "I'm sorry"..He had the audacity to apologize to his "ex" for making her wait this long and not divorcing me sooner...ugghhh!!! That just kills me!
I will get past this right?

Thanks for letting me vent


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Venting is good, I think you should pursue your dream career in nursing, you may want to read some books on co dependancy, as you make it quite clear this guy was never there for U emotionally and you might want to understand why you would settle for that.

But hey yr young, focus on your career, dont become bitter, do things for yourself your worth it, this stuff is hard but I promise U if your true to yourself you be fine.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Yes, you will get past this, and it's good that you're ignoring him instead of giving in to the urge to tell him every horrible thing that you think about him. 

I know it must hurt very badly right now. But you will get over it and one day you will want to move on and have a relationship again. And you will have learned some things from this one that will help you make better choices the next time around,and hopefully have a better relationship in the future.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

MonaL1sa;180636 I spent 5 years with the jerk and all I got was a stupid note.[/QUOTE said:


> ???? Why did you do that then? Five years?


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## MonaL1sa (Sep 1, 2010)

Thanks Brewster & atrukersgirl..Venting is all I can do right now.

I stayed because I thought I loved him because I thought maybe he cared for me and had some respect for me but he clearly didn't. I was just a fool and I have no one to blame but myself. 
After receiving my divorce papers yesterday I'm convinced the guy has lost his mind. He needs to wake up and stop living in "la la" land.
God he makes me sick to my stomach. 
What kind of a man leaves a Note??? Sometimes I feel like it’s all some big joke, it’s just unbelievable..the guys a coward and ran like a little girl. I mean seriously, grow up and man up..And what kind of a woman tells a married man to leave his wife and to "do right by her" and how he needs to file already, etc etc?
I would never in a million years do such a thing. Where are her morals? Doesn't she have a heart? I just want to email HER boyfriend and tell him everything she’s been up to. Should I? I’ll just let them two screw each other over, they’re both living in la-la land with roses and music in the background..they’ll wake up someday. I’ll keep my composure and try to remain calm. The guy was broken and miserable, no one liked him and I just stayed because I was raised to believe marriage is “forever “and it’s hard but we must work through our problems and not give up and take the easy way out, etc, etc. My parents had a beautiful marriage, they were best friends and trusted each other, they respected each other and loved each other. This guy didn’t know what love was, he didn’t have feelings or any emotions. He just got high every hour and numbed himself and I was just too naïve to leave him, I thought we could “work” through our issues and I could help him stop smoking and be a good wife, stand by him and be there for him and us but the guy was never “present” he was always high and somewhere else.
I’ve never smoked before but how f’ed up does pot get you? If you’re smoking it at least 7-8 times a day and have been smoking for 8 years..that’s got to do something to your brain cells and your emotions? I mean to be high all day, what’s that feel like? I just can’t imagine being stoned all day long.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

MonaL1sa said:


> Thanks Brewster & atrukersgirl..Venting is all I can do right now.
> 
> I stayed because I thought I loved him because I thought maybe he cared for me and had some respect for me but he clearly didn't. I was just a fool and I have no one to blame but myself.
> After receiving my divorce papers yesterday I'm convinced the guy has lost his mind. He needs to wake up and stop living in "la la" land.
> ...


Well I would concider this a blessing, those two desirve each other so just let it go and be happy. Like I said invest in your dream of becomming a nurse and look at this as a lesson learned.


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