# Why does my wife not like me to go down on her?



## Asianboy (May 3, 2013)

One for the ladies, I love pleasing my wife and I love giving oral sex, but my wife never wants me to down on her, everytime i want to she tells me that she doesnt want me to, but doesnt give me a reason.

In the past, I have given her oral sex a couple of time and I was able to make her orgasm, so she seemed to enjoy it then, but for some reason she doesnt want me to do that anymore.

Ladies, why does she not want me to go down on her? What could be the reasons? Confidence issue? Does she think its dirty?
Thanks in advanced and i look forward to all your open answers


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

My wife likes it when I give her oral and use a vibrator but she always fights me and pushes me away.

Her reason is she is just insecure about herself. She may never get over that or maybe one day she will.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Many women can be insecure about it. Do you tell her how much it turns you on and why you love it? It might get her to see it as something that pleases you and therefore is willing to do it.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Will she give you more of a reason than she doesn't want you to do that anymore?

I think a lot of women are paranoid about being dirty and also so uncomfortable about the way female anatomy looks and don't like anyone being that close. Its uncomfortable to some women like going to the gynecologist is. The uncomfortable feeling is greater than any pleasure derived by the act.


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## malmale (Oct 5, 2010)

michzz said:


> It is difficult to understand that the most intimate person in a married woman's life cannot overcome such a feeling.
> 
> Maybe trying a shower together and TONS of praise and obvious excitement?


blame it on their bringing up, this message has been planted deep into their brains ever since they are young, so much work is needed to coax her out of her norm...


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

I love it when DH does it, but if I'm not fresh from the shower, it's not going to happen.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I bet she is the classic good girl and thinks its gross. Im in the same boat. I love giving os, but she wont let me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Ask her.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I am not sure if any part of the male body is comparable because penis's are on the outside and you see them all the time.

We have blood, cervical mucus and urine coming out there. Plus going to the lady doctor involves having to be very vulnerable to people you dont know having their faces right up there and making you cramp by swabbing your cervix and forcing your vagina open. Don't even get me started on if the woman has had a baby.

Is everyone feeling like sex now? Lol.

Incidently I love oral - giving and receiving - lest I get accused of being 'one of those ladies.' I just think its easy to understand why some women don't want anyones face down there.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

My wife let me go down on her initially when we were first married and then did not want me to. She just did not like it. She was my first but I was not hers. It complicated things because I knew she had done this before and she told me she was excited about doing it with me.

It was a tough pill to swallow for years. So I took my time, read books, watch some film and upped my game. One night the circumstances were right and I was determined to be the solution for an issue she was having and I was. It has been great ever since.


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## Asianboy (May 3, 2013)

Thanks for all the replies!

MissScarlet: that makes sense because when I recently asked her she did mention something about menstruation and all sort of discharge coming out from her vagina.

I did tell her that it turns me on to give oral, but she just looked away with embaressment and wanted to change the subject immediately. Yikes!

Yes she is your classic good girl, went to church and all that. I guess her upbringing might have something to do with how she views oral sex.

I do like the tip about giving tons of praise, showering together and cleaning each other.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

I hate my partner wanting to do oral because it's an incredibly sensitive area, and it always leads to orgasms.
That's an issue, because oral always goes before sex, and sex _after_ an orgasm for me is painful and an all out unpleasant experience.

It's not that oral is dirty or whatever, I'd just really prefer actual sex.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> I hate my partner wanting to do oral because it's an incredibly sensitive area, and it always leads to orgasms.
> That's an issue, because oral always goes before sex, and sex _after_ an orgasm for me is painful and an all out unpleasant experience.
> 
> It's not that oral is dirty or whatever, I'd just really prefer actual sex.


I suggest letting him and returning the favor on the same night.
Men want to feel wanted and woman telling us no, to something as basic as giving them oral sex is a huger turn off


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

For some of you who wife won't let you do it now she might at some point. I only recently started letting my H this year and we been married 8 years. I gave him BJs before I let him go down. But to my credit it was said in our sex talk before marriage which apparently meant nothing LOL. 

It feels sensational. But it is also a feeling of vulnerability for me because it makes me Orgasm too quick. I also feel kind of out of control with that orgasm which his response to that out of control feeling has been perfect. I feel like eventually I will be totally comfortable with it and be able to complete enjoy it.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> For some of you who wife won't let you do it now she might at some point. I only recently started letting my H this year and we been married 8 years. I gave him BJs before I let him go down. But to my credit it was said in our sex talk before marriage which apparently meant nothing LOL.
> 
> It feels sensational. But it is also a feeling of vulnerability for me because it makes me Orgasm too quick. I also feel kind of out of control with that orgasm which his response to that out of control feeling has been perfect. I feel like eventually I will be totally comfortable with it and be able to complete enjoy it.


letting go of the insecurities is a must in marital sex. I think a lot of the hang ups about oral for both men and woman are about the insecurities. Owning and being honest with your partner but also being willing to try until a comfort level is reached is paramount. Congrats on your new pleasure, it will only get better...


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> Don't even get me started on if the woman has had a baby.


I wonder if that's part of my W's issue. She loved it while dating and in the pre-kids part of the marriage. After giving birth a couple of times...she refused, and I haven't done it in years. She doesn't want to talk about it, other than saying it's now "gross/disgusting." From other comments from her over the past few years, she has that mindset now about her body and s**...or so she says. :scratchhead:


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

thunderstruck said:


> I wonder if that's part of my W's issue. She loved it while dating and in the pre-kids part of the marriage. After giving birth a couple of times...she refused, and I haven't done it in years. She doesn't want to talk about it, other than saying it's now "gross/disgusting." From other comments from her over the past few years, she has that mindset now about her body and s**...or so she says. :scratchhead:


This is interrsting. Does she think she has changed down there? I have given birth vaginally 2x and everything is the exact same. I expected it to be a war zone down there (this is what some women say) but it wasn't. Might depend on whether or not she had a traumatic birth. Has she healed emotionally from her births if they were traumatic? I guess I don't understand why someone would think their vulva/vagina was suddenly disgusting after giving birth.

Imagine if as a man it had been drilled into your head that your penis was gross? Products to cover smell, products to clean it etc. all of which we now know is uneccesary as a healthy vagina is the cleanest place on earth. It really would mess with your mind. It's really sad because men love this area so much. My H would be devastated if I cut him off.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Fembot - from her comments post-kids, she seems to see her entire body in a different (negative) way now. Neither birth was traumatic for her as far as I know. I don't know...she may be telling the truth, or maybe these are excuses to avoid telling me how she really feels.

*"My H would be devastated if I cut him off."*

Um, yeah, it hasn't helped the marriage much.


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## Married27 (Jul 30, 2013)

I agreed with mostly everyone, since she was fine with it before the only explanation would be insecurities about herself. Talk to her about it, reassure her, she is beautiful and that you love her. Start off slow and work your way back in, it may take time. Best of luck =)


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## loving1 (Aug 5, 2013)

Some ladies are too sensitive down there and it can hurt more than it feels good...


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

loving1 said:


> Some ladies are too sensitive down there and it can hurt more than it feels good...


Can someone explain too sensitive down there to me. 
I get that a clitoris is crazy sensitive to begin with, what is up with the term too sensitive? As a guy there are moments when we are too sensitive as well, but that means we finish too soon usually. For woman I see too sensitive as often meaning they can't even be stimulated there. Can I have a woman explain this to me please. my wife gets too sensitive at times post climax, but usually it is ticklish to her, this is not usually a reason to end the process, just to slow it down and be very gentle, so I just do not understand. Is it painful? If it is shouldn't there be treatment to help?


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

nogutsnoglory said:


> Can someone explain too sensitive down there to me.
> I get that a clitoris is crazy sensitive to begin with, what is up with the term too sensitive? As a guy there are moments when we are too sensitive as well, but that means we finish too soon usually. For woman I see too sensitive as often meaning they can't even be stimulated there. Can I have a woman explain this to me please. my wife gets too sensitive at times post climax, but usually it is ticklish to her, this is not usually a reason to end the process, just to slow it down and be very gentle, so I just do not understand. Is it painful? If it is shouldn't there be treatment to help?


This is my wife, too. She says it's just too intense to have any direct clitoral stimulation--whether lips, tongue, finger or vibe. But then she can reach orgasm through PIV pretty easily, and more than once, so there are benefits as well.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Beard stubble is my guess.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

loving1 said:


> Some ladies are too sensitive down there and it can hurt more than it feels good...


This, to me, is obviously a technique issue. If done right, it is gentle enough for any "sensitive" woman. Anything in sex can hurt if it is done wrong. Communication can solve this problem, as well as maybe some good instruction.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

nogutsnoglory said:


> Can someone explain too sensitive down there to me.
> I get that a clitoris is crazy sensitive to begin with, what is up with the term too sensitive? As a guy there are moments when we are too sensitive as well, but that means we finish too soon usually. For woman I see too sensitive as often meaning they can't even be stimulated there. Can I have a woman explain this to me please. my wife gets too sensitive at times post climax, but usually it is ticklish to her, this is not usually a reason to end the process, just to slow it down and be very gentle, so I just do not understand. Is it painful? If it is shouldn't there be treatment to help?


I do not like direct clitoral stimulation it can be painful. Not like a hurtful pain but an uncomfortable pain. I like side stimulation, so not directly on it but to the side of it. When I am more warmed up and close to climax direct stimulation can be tolerated. After orgasm it's off limits again.

It's the way womens bodies are designed. We are designed for slow sensual sex. It's not a design flaw and we don't need treatment 

Hope that helps!


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

"sensitive" for me means orgasm too quickly.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

When this happens to me it is an uncomfortable pain. Like fembot said. The only thing I can compare it to is maybe a muscle cramp? Not that it is a cramp - but the pain of it is sharp like that when the clitoris is touched.

This only happens to me after orgasm, though.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Count me as another who has a very sensitive button. Indirect stimulation is great, but any direct contact with fingers, vibes, or a mouth is painful. I always O from PIV though, so maybe that's the trade off?


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

FemBot said:


> I do not like direct clitoral stimulation it can be painful. Not like a hurtful pain but an uncomfortable pain. I like side stimulation, so not directly on it but to the side of it. When I am more warmed up and close to climax direct stimulation can be tolerated. After orgasm it's off limits again.
> 
> It's the way womens bodies are designed. We are designed for slow sensual sex. It's not a design flaw and we don't need treatment
> 
> Hope that helps!


Thanks, Sorry if I came off like it was a "flaw" it was not intended. Just seemed that in comparison to woman I have been with that the description of it hurting (actual pain) and not being able to use it to achieve climax seemed off to me. I know I always have to make sure to lube my lady a good bit so there is no chaffing on her button, but for all woman I have "played with" there has always been a way to achieve orgasm through stimulation orally of their button. I am sorry so many seem to not enjoy it. My wife loves it so I hate to think others can never experience it the way she does. I guess guys are more similar as far as stimulation to our member than woman are similar in that area. 
Thanks again for the info.


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

*Re: Re: Why does my wife not like me to go down on her?*



EntirelyDifferent said:


> I hate my partner wanting to do oral because it's an incredibly sensitive area, and it always leads to orgasms.
> That's an issue, because oral always goes before sex, and sex _after_ an orgasm for me is painful and an all out unpleasant experience.
> 
> It's not that oral is dirty or whatever, I'd just really prefer actual sex.


you sound like my wife. The only difference is she says she only likes oral once she's turned on and once she's turned on she wants intercourse. She'll allow me to do it for my sake but that's it.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

My wife is one in the Very Sensitive group. But oral also gives her mind bending orgasms. It is getting there that is hard for her. She is insanely sensitive and ticklish all over between her thighs and thrashes like a woman possessed when I first begin giving her oral. If I can guide her past her moments of hyper ticklishness she gets in a groove that builds to a tremendous climax. I just have to be careful taking her through the first few minutes. Or tie her down so when she erupts neither of us is hurt. 

Her breasts are similarly sensitive/ticklish as are the soles and toes of her feet. Yet oral or manual attention to those spots can also lead to deeply erotic responses from her. 

I've always found the very ticklish to be highly sensual and erotic if you take care to guide her through her ticklishness.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> I feel like eventually I will be totally comfortable with it and be able to complete enjoy it.


Why are you unable to completely enjoy it?I don't get it.And why wasn't your husband allowed to perform it before?I guess I feel kind of stupid because I didn't even know there was such a thing a a woman not liking oral sex before I got on TAM.Why the insecurities?I even saw a woman saying her husband was turned on by the taste and she still wouldn't let him do it?I actually thought it was a given that a woman would prefer oral sex to intercourse because it's easier to have orgasms.Guess that shows how much I know.....


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