# Longest divorce ever



## 1brokegirl (Jan 16, 2016)

I am not sure if this is normal procedure or if anyone else experienced this. I filed a year and a half ago for a divorce after 28 years of marriage. My husband is a compulsive gambler and a con artist. It is a very stressful and humiliating life to live with a person who gambles due to their constant lies and stories,not to mention how many people he has conned. I put up with mental abuse and death threats from people he owed.Also the 10,s of thousands he has stolen from my family. The breaking point was when my son was applying for student loans for Medical school he found out his idenity was stolen and it was his dad who did it due to them having same name. I then found out my son was 3 years old when my husband started using his idenity So my whole marriage from the beginning was lies. He always told me I would not survive on my own with my 3 children and I knew he would be a dead beat dad so I stayed. Now my children have graduated college so I have no reason to stay and live like I had been. I filed thinking it would be quick and easy and I borrowed money for a lawyer since I was a stay at home mom and had no money. It took me a lot of courage to do this since I know how angry he could get. We have no home since he has lost that and we will have to move soon. The kids are all over 18 so only thing was alimony. He makes 50 dollar an hour and I just started working in an office making 12.50 an hour. He is representing himself and he is making up lies saying I have all this money hidden and jobs I do off the books. Well the judge did not fall for it and its mandatory we had to go to mediation. They wanted him to be aware of the procedures due to him representing himself. Well 5 mediations later nothing has given due to him conning the whole system. Only thing that happened is I am in 20 thousand dollars debt with attorney fees.Worst part is he is still living in the same house and refuses to leave. This is the house I grew up in since I was a baby.Now he is just torturing me and keeps coming in my bed when Im sleeping. I kept telling myself ignore him it will be over soon. I guess because I am not a screamer and wanted to do this civil since he will be around due to us having children together even the court keeps putting off court dates and letting him con them with his stories . Now over a year and a half later we finally have a trial date. This will cost me another 10 grande. My lawyer keeps telling me to take an extremely less amount of alimony then what the court mediators said just to end this. Then my lawyer will get her attorney fees paid from my half of the annuity money I will receive. It is only 45 thousand since he already took a 100 grand out to pay his bookie before I filed.That will leave be with 10 grand and the amount of alimony she wants me to accept I would not even be able to afford a place to live. I also found out that we owe the IRS 10 grand and I am responsible for half since he filed as husband and wife. My lawyer said I have to pay half even tho I never worked and he did it online so I never even knew about it. So question is should I take my chances and let the Judge decide how much? The Judge did warn him many times that he would pay a lot more if this goes to trial and warned him of many things he better not do to look like he cant work.But everything she told him not to do he his doing anyway. Idk why my lawyer keeps telling me to settle and calls him to notify and ask him if its ok to change dates of court without even consulting with me first not to mention offering him settlements without telling me first. When I confront her she says it is in my best interest. I told her she is my lawyer not his and still continues to do so. I think he has her conned and it is so frustrating. So now I dont know what to do. Please if anyone has been through anything like this please give me some advice.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

First on the taxes. Get the forms to apply for "innocent spouse" relief. Did you sign the tax forms your husband sent in? Your lawyer is not the person who decides whether or not you are reasonable for half the tax debt.

Could you possibly get all of the assets instead of half in lieu of alimony? I would seriously consider it since my bet is that your husband will never pay the alimony.


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## 1brokegirl (Jan 16, 2016)

I think as far as the taxes he just never filed or he just signed my name. He has forged my name on checks before and also has stolen my identity. I had to claim bankruptcy when I started working because I started to receive letters that they were going to garnish my pay. I had no idea and when I did some research I found out he had used my identity for loans and charge cards.I had 12 judgements against me. I had a choice either file charges against him and have him arrested or claim bankruptcy. It would of cost me a fortune in lawyers which I did not have and with him in jail it would of caused more problems for me. He is a con artist and knows how to beat the system. As far as getting all the assets he would not even consider it. That was the 1st offer I tried because I know he probably will not pay me the alimony. At first my lawyer was really pushing towards that and fighting for me but as time went on I think she has realized that he is so arrogant and stubborn that he has worn her down. This is why I think she just wants me to settle to get it over with. She feels all the work she put in and the money I am in debt to her that she might not see the money for a while so she does not want to go to trial. I do not either but apparently he is in control of the whole divorce proceedings. I really want him to learn that there are rules in life and they apply to him as well. Just maybe then he might realize what he has lost and stop gambling and then could live a more stress free, healthy life. After all he is the father of our 3 children and I am sure they would want their father around in the future.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Right now, he isn't realizing anything. He is in the "manipulator mode" playing the GAME. He is wanting to win at all costs.

I suppose you tried mediation. 

There is the "innocent spouse" relief as Elegirl stated. Check into that and what you need. IRS.gov website. 

As far as settling.....at 1.5 years I think I'd give in to no longer be tied to him. 

However, only you know how much energy you have. Once you get this over with, then you will be surprised how the weight will be lifted off of your shoulders.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Wait, wait, wait....is he sexually assaulting you in your home? Is that what you are feeling about his middle of the night visits? That happened to me one time when my marriage was dissolving, and I know how that feels . 
@VeryHurt might have some advice, although her experience is not exactly like yours. But, she had a long marriage and there are a lot of financial issues involved.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

You should talk to a tax consultant or enrolled agent regarding taxes. I did the innocent spouse route for my mom many years ago when my dad had loads of tax problems.

Divorce attorneys don't know tax law. 

I hate to say it but your spouse has nothing to lose going this route. He owes too much and realistically will never get out from under his gambling debt etc. Does your state garnish alimony/child support? He will never pay you but as long as he is working his employer will need to take the cash before he gets his hands on it. 

Your attorney sounds like they are cutting there losses telling you to accept a lower deal.


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## 1brokegirl (Jan 16, 2016)

Yes we went to court mediation 4x already. As far as him coming in my room at night I feel he is just trying to control the situation. He shuts the tv off rips the blankets off and starts snoring. At the last mediation I was giving in to everything to just get it over with so as they were writing it all up I did mention I wanted 1 more thing that he can not come in my bed.I have not slept a whole night in I dont even remember when. He looked straight at me and said no. I was like what is wrong with you I am done and he said that I said he could have everything in the house so its his bed . Thats when I walked out and said the deal was off. It just is creepy. But thank you everyone I will def look into the IRS to see if I can at least take care of one big bill.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

1brokegirl said:


> Yes we went to court mediation 4x already. As far as him coming in my room at night I feel he is just trying to control the situation. He shuts the tv off rips the blankets off and starts snoring. At the last mediation I was giving in to everything to just get it over with so as they were writing it all up I did mention I wanted 1 more thing that he can not come in my bed.I have not slept a whole night in I dont even remember when. He looked straight at me and said no. I was like what is wrong with you I am done and he said that I said he could have everything in the house so its his bed . Thats when I walked out and said the deal was off. It just is creepy. But thank you everyone I will def look into the IRS to see if I can at least take care of one big bill.


Put the bed in the backyard. Then he can enjoy "his" bed all by himself. What does your lawyer say about this. You are entitled to privacy in your home and climbing in to bed with you is an invasion of that. It is really harassment. You could look into some type of harassment or restraining order.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

Okay first off...he won't leave your house? And he tries to come to bed with you? No. Just no. I would not put up with that behavior. Is there a way you can possibly file for divorce without your lawyer? I know people have done it without an attorney, but if it gets real messy I can see where an attorney could be beneficial. Also, if you are under the income limit, you can go to your legal aid office and they can provide low cost or free lawyers. But I only think you can use them if you are the defendant. Doesn't sound like he will file for divorce soon....he won't leave the house because he doesn't "have to now" and he is taking advantage of everything, including you, until it's all over. I wish he would leave you in peace, I am so sorry.


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## 1brokegirl (Jan 16, 2016)

I allready said I was putting the bed on the deck and he so arrogantly said hell just put it back. I locked the door he took the lock off the door the next day. I cant get legal aide because he lives in the house and they consider it income even tho I dont receive anything from him. I have a trial in March now and that will cost me thousands more. What I dont understand is only issue is alimony which the state said he has to pay until he is of full retirement age then I get have his pension. I dont understand why he even has a say to how much when it is in black and white what he makes compared to me. Then I want him to be responsible for my attorney bills or at least most of it since he is the reason they are so high. So I am just hoping now the Judge with all her experience can see right thru him and makes him pay me max amount of alimony that they 1st told him and most of my attorney bill. I tried to settle multiple times and was taking a big loss but now its out of control. I came to the conclusion he really thought I would never stand up to him and divorce him so he is doing whatever he can to control me with whatever time he has left. It makes me sick to my stomach but it does justify that I made the right choice in leaving him after 30 years. I know I can finally be happy maybe broke but free.


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