# Hugging mood



## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

I have tried to post on here a couple of times in the last few weeks but my tablet lost its connection and the messages were lost. Perhaps this is a good thing as I felt angry and negative at those points. Not everything is bad in my marriage but I am still trying to figure a lot of things out.

One thing that has me confused over the years is that during her periods my W likes to hug me a lot yet detests having sex during this time. Does anyone have a clue what causes this sort of reaction? Today for instance I was in physical pain when we visited MC and I shot my mouth off more than normal. I would have expected a 'I don't want you near me response' but instead W touched me and hugged me. Just last week before her period started I went to hug her and she flinched. Should I just shrug my shoulders and accept the common theroy that woman are slightly crazy and unstable during their time of month.

By the way unless she had told me I would not know it was her time of month.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

lonesomegra said:


> One thing that has me confused over the years is that *during her periods my W likes to hug me a lot yet detests having sex during this time.* Does anyone have a clue what causes this sort of reaction?


I don't know about the majority population, but certainly it is understandable if a woman doesn't want to have sex during the periods?? As for hugging, do you have a problem with that? Is hugging crazy for you?



lonesomegra said:


> Today for instance I was in physical pain when we visited MC and I shot my mouth off more than normal. I would have expected a 'I don't want you near me response' but instead W touched me and hugged me.


Again.... if she hugged you, might have been in an attempt to make things better... is that something bad?? Why do you complain? Why were you in physical pain? Were you physically hurt? Maybe that was the reason she hugged you.. to make you feel better.



lonesomegra said:


> Just last week before her period started I went to hug her and she flinched. Should I just shrug my shoulders and accept the common theroy that woman are slightly crazy and unstable during their time of month.


I think it is too much to assume based on one "flinch". Maybe there was a legit reason why she flinched? She might have been busy or something..

It could be something to do with the hormones but your post doesn't give enough to conclude that your wife is going crazy around her periods. Hugging should be good, and not wanting to have sex during pds should be understandable as well.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

My impression when W flinched was that she thought I wanted sex. If I question her after a flinch she tenses up and clams up and I might as well be trying to get an answer from a stone. W was abused as a child but MC was surprised that after all our time married that W should still flinch now.

I would like hugs most of the time but I get shrugged off a lot. I am wondering is there something about a woman's periods that would make her seek this form of affection?

As for my pain I have nerve damage for a number of years that causes pain and I am on long term medication.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

lonesomegra said:


> My impression when W flinched was that she thought I wanted sex. If I question her after a flinch she tenses up and clams up and I might as well be trying to get an answer from a stone. W was _*abused as a child *_but MC was surprised that after all our time married that W should still flinch now.


Sorry to hear about your pain due to nerve damage!

I think her behavior if a little odd, could have more to do with the abuse as a child rather than her periods, although that might be an additional factor if you have observed an explicit pattern.

Other than around pds, do you have a normal sex life? How frequently do you have sex? How long have you been together and how long have you been married? Do you have any other issues going on in your marriage?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I don't think "that time of the month" has anything to do with it. :/

Even you stated that if she didn't tell you when that time was, that you wouldn't know. -- But claims she acts differently during those times?

Maybe I'm lost and confused here... Or missed something?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

*Other than around pds, do you have a normal sex life? How frequently do you have sex? How long have you been together and how long have you been married? Do you have any other issues going on in your marriage*

We have been married 17 years. Until this year I never heard my wife admit she was abused. This is why we went to MC I had a suspicion that she was abused and was of the belief that her flinching and lack of desire for sex stemmed from this. It seems that there were more problems than this one involved including my anger issues - which I am trying to deal with through medical help. 

This is the first time I have tracked the amount of sex we have and so far this year it is once to twice a month. I also have not been able to ejaculate during sex very often over the last seven years or so. It has perhaps been 4 years ago since I did so 'normally'. The last ejaculation was anally. I am working to lose weight to see will this help.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

YinPrincess when I went looking for sex she would stop me and tell me it was her time of month. This was how I came to notice that she hugs me more during these times. These hugs are always more frustrating because this contact makes me desire sex and when she is not having a period and we could be having sex I get less hugs. This is what makes me feel her actions are crazy.


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

Perhaps she wants to be comforted a little more during her period. 

She may not want to have sex during this time because of the pain she is experiencing and/or could not want you down there while she's bleeding. 

I would say it's more than theory. Hormones/emotions are askew and fluctuate more during periods. Not sure how you would just be noticing this now (haven't observed this with other women or before you married your spouse).

I think not knowing when her period occurs... is a bit odd. I know it can be off by a few days or so. Stress can also play a part in delaying it, but it happens every month, about 28 days from the last time. I don't write it on my calendar, but I have a general idea of when my SO will be having hers... and I do my best to be more accommodating during that time. 

I haven't read you other posts, but going from this thread... I would say: Look ahead and have a good idea of when her next period is... so you give her a little more leeway during that time and just be there to comfort her... without any expectations for sex in return.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

I never knew that it could be useful for sex purposes to know when a woman has her periods. I didn't know until a few days ago that most woman's periods follow the phases of the moon. I thought irregular periods were more common. Therefore with a calander that shows moon phases it is easier to track time of month. I also only found out that having a bath or bathing the feet for too long increases the flow of blood and make a period heavier. 

I suppose this reflects how poorly Sex Ed. was taught when I was young and until the internet era I would have never gone looking for some of this info.


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

lonesomegra said:


> I never knew that it could be useful for sex purposes to know when a woman has her periods. I didn't know until a few days ago that most woman's periods follow the phases of the moon. I thought irregular periods were more common. Therefore with a calander that shows moon phases it is easier to track time of month. I also only found out that having a bath or bathing the feet for too long increases the flow of blood and make a period heavier.
> 
> I suppose this reflects how poorly Sex Ed. was taught when I was young and until the internet era I would have never gone looking for some of this info.



Better late than never.  Every women is different, but it generally follows a consistent cycle. Just be extra sensitive to her needs during this time. I'm not saying it will be instant, but she will start to notice how comforting you are. If she wants to be hugged... hug her and hold her with all the love and affection that you can. And if she wants to give you one... enjoy it. She's expressing her love to you in the form of a hug. Brushing it aside will make her feel hurt. 

If you haven't read the 5 Love Languages, you might want to pick it up. The premise is that spouses don't express their love in the same way. Your language and hers are probably different. The languages are:Words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, physical touch and quality time. I have the book but haven't finished it yet. There is a part that talks about "love tanks". Each person wants to feel loved and when they are loved... their "love tank" becomes more full. When one person's "love tank" is full, then they will WANT to fill their partner's. You may need physical love, but she may need a different type (like acts of service or words of affirmation). 

My SO and are have completely different languages and it definitely has helped our relationship. In my opinion, a lot of books talk about compromise. But compromise leaves both partners "settling", you both only get a portion of what you want/need. But if you make an effort to completely fill your partners "love tank" they will see this selfless behavior and will want to do the same for you. If don't have funds for the book or aren't a big reader... at least take the online quiz (both of you) to figure out which language you are. A simple google search for the quiz should bring it up.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I'm a woman. Yes, for whatever reason...hormones are not a myth guys...I get affectionate while it's that time of month. However, I realize that some men (my husband for sure) get frustrated if I get affectionate and nothing becomes of it if he gets aroused. So personally, I would "take care of him". A lot of women get horny around that time too, but are too self-conscious to actually have sex. It's like an unfair curse. So maybe you could discuss your wife helping you out if she gets all huggy around that time and gets you aroused.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Maybe she hugs on you during her period because she can get affection without having to worry about sex.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

MrsOldNews said:


> Maybe she hugs on you during her period because she can get affection without having to worry about sex.


:lol: Or that.


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

I took the online 5 languages test and I wasn't very impressed by the quiz. In many cases the options gave me no chance to answer truthfully and thus I did not trust the results as I felt they were weighted wrongly. That said I see no harm in ordering the book which I hope to get with a number of other online goods that I am ordering soon.

Daydream my W thinks it disgusting to take care of me normally and hates anything to do with sex during her periods. However I am glad to learn that there is at least one other woman out there that seeks hugs and affection during that time of month.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Once again, I feel like a real outsider here. Why can't she have sex during her period? I always did.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Once again, I feel like a real outsider here. Why can't she have sex during her period? I always did.


Some women are physically uncomfortable during their periods, and very sensitive. Some women feel gross during it (especially on heavy days) and don't feel remotely sexy. For some, it makes their periods worse (more cramps and heavier bleeding) even though are women are fine with it, or feel better after an orgasm. Others hate the mess and clean-up. Others never like sex with their partner anyway, so they want it even less during their period.

Obviously, it doesn't affect every woman the same way.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

"Should I just shrug my shoulders and accept the common theroy that woman are slightly crazy and unstable during their time of month."

In my husband's case, he files this under S.A.F.E. lol

All kidding aside, though, some women don't like sex then. Dh and I don't. But affection is fine, and if I'm feeling up to it, I will take care of him. Generally, though, we just avoid getting overly amorous during that time frame, and make up for it when it's over.


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