# What am I dealing with



## chuckee (Feb 15, 2010)

My husband wanted a divorce few months ago, and after few months of councelling when he started to make me feel that everything is fine, pops the question of seperation once again. 
He says that nothing has changed since then. 
His arguments were that I dont appreciate what he does for me, I am too dependent on him and I take him for granted. 
I have tried to change these things for him, started being more appreciative of what he does etc. 
I dont understand what have I done wrong. Today we had a fight and I didnt want to listen to his ranting anymore so I banged the door. This angered him a lot and he hit me a couple of times. he doesnt show any remorse on hitting me and says I provoked him and deserve to be beaten. 
I am very depressed and have suicidal thoughts. Is something wrong with me??


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Yes. There is something wrong with you. You are a victim of domestic assault. Most normal people exhibit abnormal traits if you beat them. There are domestic violence support groups that can steer you to a variety of services you could use. 
You've been put in a position where you have to react to the whims of someone who obviously isn't always rational. If I allowed a crazy person to run my life, I would naturally feel like I was losing my mind, too. He has no excuse for hitting you. The police and the judge will be happy to explain that to him. Genuine remorse doesn't naturally appear in the mentally disturbed and a man has to be at least a little off his cookie these days to beat on his wife. 
It's a little crazy to announce an intention to divorce or separate and then remain in place. Either the intent was never sincere in the first place and was made only to upset their partner or someone has trouble making decisions or developing plans. Hitting is physical abuse and threatening divorce repeatedly is psychological abuse. 
Abusers rarely change without being forced to. If anything, every time they get away with being abusive, it makes it that much easier to be more abusive the next time. Next time he hits you, call 911 and the police will take it from there. Don't worry about financial support because an Order of Protection will take care of that, too. A domestic violence arrest doesn't mean you two have to get divorced but it would mean your husband would end up with a sword hanging over his head, reminding him to behave as an adult. It would also likely mean he would get much-needed counseling to help him behave like a human being.
In my town, if there's hitting going on, I like to be invited. If he just has to hit someone, let him try taking a swing at the police. A ride on a lightening bolt would give him an entirely new outlook on life.


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