# The court date is looming



## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Next Wednesday morning, February 15th, I will go to court for the hearing on my divorce. IF the judge agrees with our settlement agreement, then 90 days later, I will be an ex-wife. Almost 30 years together, 28 married and this is not the end I wanted. I still wake up every morning wondering how I got here and when it is going to end. Right now I can't even stand the thought of seeing him and up until last weekend, I was doing everything I could to try to see him. I told one of my sons what the update was and I will have dinner with the oldest (25) to tell him about court. I am busy with work and my mom has been sick so I just kind of go along every day being where I am supposed to be. I hope I get everything done. So much pain and sadness, last night I found myself cleaning up a mess one of the dogs (2 dogs, left behind by everyone for me to care for), and started crying laying on the floor. I don't want this to be my life anymore. I guess I should look forward to this date as the start of my new life. A life that includes selling our family home, moving to a new one and then what, DATING???? Haven't done that in 30 years


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

I'm sorry...Been through this, I'm also in the process. Literally threw up with dread.
But everyday, you get stronger, and with it is acceptance.
The years are gone, no sense regretting it. Think of another 30 years of misery if you don't end this now.
You'll be ok, at least I'm praying we all are going to be.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Do you like the dogs? Are they dogs you can walk? If both answers are yes, take them out together or separately and start walking. The endorphins will help and dogs help people talk (maybe you will meet some nice looking dog owners). If they weren't 'your' dogs, tell them to come get them that they aren't moving w/ you to your next home. After investing so much time in marriage (I am almost right where you are w/ time in marriage) it's so hard to imagine not having our other half.

I don't know what you want next in your life, but check out some of the online dating sites, start just looking at them to see what's out there. Hobbies? What would you like to do when you are free? Have you seen a doctor to take care of yourself yet? 

(((Madaboutlove)))


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Thank you, the dogs are good company, they do like to go for a walk, the hard part is just getting back to the house before they need to go out. I am working full time and finishing my PhD, so I have plenty to do, adding back some hobbies I let go, but it is a lonely, lonely time. Gonna try to keep it one day at a time.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Wow, personal life struggles, dogs, PhD work... you are busy! I wouldn't want anything else to complicate it either. Can I ask what you are getting your PhD in? Do you kennel your dogs? It's always amazing to me how long they can hold it while they wait for us to come home. I hope our men can figure things out before it's too late... but when I have hopes like that it makes it harder to get through the day. 

I have been reading "How to Survive your Husband's MLC..." mine totally denies it but it sure fits him. So far no gems to pass along. 

Who ended up filing in your case? I'm guessing your H, but he seemed to drag his feet so much that I wasn't sure. Mine moved all of his stuff out before actually leaving. He never really told us he wasn't coming home... just never did. 

I was reading Erik Erikson's work on the 8 life stages ... my poor little ones are going to be so screwed up if this doesn't pass soon:-/


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

My PhD will be in nursing, I teach at a State college. Waited til my kids were in high school to go back and get the Master's degree. I don't kennel the dogs, lock them in a laundry room if I know it will be a really long time. My H filed, although it really took my frustration to finally get it done. He avoided anything unless I made him take care of it. I agree that this is likely MLC, but he denies it, says it has been coming for a long time. He left to live quietly in a small apt., no visitors that I am aware of, our kids don't go there to see him. Crazy, but I guess this works for him and he is the most important person in this marriage. Right???


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