# Betrayed husbands & wives who acted quickly upon discovery



## becareful (Jan 28, 2016)

How many cases do you know of where the BS (betrayed spouse) moved to action quickly and was able to save their marriage? How many end up in divorce? Off the top of my head, @*Lonely Husband* is the name that stands out. It helps that his WW has shown true remorse. Unfortunately, for every husband like him, there are 5 husbands who are indecisive and just drag the whole process out and ended up making the situation much more painful in the long haul. Some come here for advice and receive plenty from the helpful members here (along with a complimentary 2x4), but their threads die off with no further updates.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Divorce papers were served within a couple weeks of confirmation. But, some stuff had been staring me in the face for a while and I refused to recognize it.


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## becareful (Jan 28, 2016)

Maxo said:


> Divorce papers were served within a couple weeks of confirmation. But, some stuff had been staring me in the face for a while and I refused to recognize it.


I wasn't here when your situation developed but I saw your thread where your ex wife wanted to rewrite history and requested that you refer to her affair as "the restless period." She was obviously unrepentant and remorseful, so no point in fighting for that marriage, but kudos to you for acting swiftly to spare yourself even more pain down the road. Did you had a thread on your WW's affair?


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

becareful said:


> I wasn't here when your situation developed but I saw your thread where your ex wife wanted to rewrite history and requested that you refer to her affair as "the restless period." She was obviously unrepentant and remorseful, so no point in fighting for that marriage, but kudos to you for acting swiftly to spare yourself even more pain down the road. Did you had a thread on your WW's affair?


No. It is run of the mill.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

The five to one ratio is way to low. Maybe 9 out of ten BS (regardless of gender) will try to get the WS back by "niceing them back" 
They live in a hellish limbo until they accept the new reality of there marriage. This should be gospel http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Swift and confident actions are always going to produce better results with infidelity but the psychological damage can really hit a BS at their core identity.

I'm amazed that many BS's are even able to function after D-day.

I have seen very bad failures where less than decisive actions that were lacking in conviction ended up causing everyone involved more misery.

I have also seen a long reconciliation that took place with a swift separation and an absolutely confident BH pursuing R.

I like confidence over swiftness any day of the week but both in concert are dynamically powerful when confronting infidelity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## becareful (Jan 28, 2016)

@*Calvin* and @*B1* were two others who didn't drag their feet. Both saved their marriages because their WW's showed true remorse.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If a WS has remorse, the best indicator of successful R is absolutely about the BS's mindset.

Confident, swift actions are always good to wake a wayward up and see if remorse is evident.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Those that are strong and confident upfront always come out best. 

Whether the marriage is reconciled or its divorce. Either way it gets them out of limbo hell and moving on quicker. Less waste of time and life.

The best I've seen is @bff he was slow on the finding out but after he got the evidence he filed immediately.

Not all marriages are salvageable. Being able to determine that is key


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I acted as quickly as I could when I found out. It helped that my XWW wanted to be rid of me as fast as she could. It sucked at the time, but her fog and desire to be rid of me enabled a better settlement than I would have been able to achieve had we waited for her to realize that the unicorn wasn't actually waiting to take her to the land of rainbows and pots of gold.


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