# Frustrated and don’t get it.



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Ok I know someone you may not agree but I have a “special” friend lol that I see here and there. Recently, it’s been pretty non existent cause he can’t seem to be consistent with what he says. Just words no action. I’ve started contact and he will usually finish it with something leading up to us getting together then nothing. He’s typically not the type to BS me or play games, but this is getting old.

I enjoyed what we had but maybe he’s done?
It finally came to a head when I asked- So when are you available? He replied- not sure

Why leave the door open? Do I need to take the hint? I just thought we were old enough to say hey this isn’t working anymore etc.

How can you not know when your available? 🤨


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> How can you not know when your available? &#55358;&#56616;


Today, tomorrow he is not available, this he knows.
He also knows you are not the one.

If you were he would be at your door......
Every available minute.

He is a starting pitcher, not a closer.
He does not know, well, likely knows, just has not the heart to say...


Goodbye Dear.

Alas. :frown2:


We say Hello Dear, welcome again to TAM! :smile2:


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

This.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I get that but at least be man enough to say it. And not vaguely either. He contacted me this last time.
I say good luck in finding another. 

Good riddens.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

You ask why he leaves the door open?

Because you're an *option*. A fall-back plan.

He keeps the door open to you _just_ enough (without having to invest any real time or effort) should his *preferred *option(s) not be available to him.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You ask why he leaves the door open?
> 
> Because you're an *option*. A fall-back plan.
> 
> He keeps the door open to you _just_ enough (without having to invest any real time or effort) should his *preferred *option(s) not be available to him.


Yes, and unfortunately this happens a lot with dating too. Well he can keep looking for the “one”


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Dump him.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

Couple thoughts Sue...

Maybe he just likes the attention? Feeding his ego? Guys aren't immune from that...

Maybe he's just got a full plate of others right now and doesn't want to sever ties fully since he could conceivably be interested later. 

Are you still interested in just being "special" friends? Or were you looking to advance the relationship? When you talked about "actions" perhaps this is his way of subtlety removing attention to draw boundaries and let you know he won't go there. Honestly from what you are saying it's probably true that he's not interested in anything more than FWB at this point. If you feel like you're getting attached I'd say probably end this for your sake and go cold.

Just my 2 cents...good luck...


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@BigDig- no I’m fine with FWB but I would like consistency. He’s not one to have multiple. And he’s the one that started the sexual quest a month ago and we never got together. Perhaps it was just for ego boost. Either that or his private fell off due to not getting attention. No he knows I don’t want more. Maybe a dinner here and there and sex. His loss 
I’m not texting him


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Howdy Sue4473,

You might not be able to get the consistency you want but perhaps you could put a little of the power back in your own hands for some self satisfaction. Don't say anything harsh
or critical to him. Just leave him be. A little time might put him back on your trail. If however you do indeed need that consistency let him know that in direct clear words and move
on if he can't. I know it can be tough but try to keep it simple.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

Hmm...unless he's now got a new GF (possible right?) it's a weird situation. Any chance he has feelings for you and you're giving off a vibe that you don't care for him? His hesitation on getting hurt?

My advice as a guy - next time you're "in the mood" - send him a very direct, very sexual message and let him know to come and get it. And let him know that if he doesn't there won't be another chance. FWB has to work for both people and while it's fun to play the game sometimes you seem like you're at a point where you shouldn't need to.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

BigDigg said:


> Hmm...unless he's now got a new GF (possible right?) it's a weird situation. Any chance he has feelings for you and you're giving off a vibe that you don't care for him? His hesitation on getting hurt?
> 
> My advice as a guy - next time you're "in the mood" - send him a very direct, very sexual message and let him know to come and get it. And let him know that if he doesn't there won't be another chance. FWB has to work for both people and while it's fun to play the game sometimes you seem like you're at a point where you shouldn't need to.


Ok a month ago I texted a small convo- how are things yada yada... small chit chat and boom out of the blue he says you miss my big ****
Lol well I said yes. Told him to give me a date and time and I would see if I was available. Cause he says it’s bedn awhile etc. never heard back
So I get busy and say this past wknd- too bad your not available so we can get what we both want and need. I was direct lol
He replied- not this weekend. (I figured it was his wknd, kids, sports etc) so then I say so when are you available then? Not sure he says.
So that’s where I’m at


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

Well...that is direct. And sexual I guess. But doesn't sound too hot or enticing ... very dry and logistical. Of course you're summarizing so maybe it really was. 

Something doesn't add up - couple possibilities I see: 1) has a very new girlfriend / SO and wants to attempt to be faithful 2) is tired of "the game" and wants something substantial but doesn't see it with you 3) just isn't attracted enough to you but does enjoy the ego bump 4) is legitimately busy

When he said that it's "been awhile" does that mean with you or anyone? How can you be certain that he doesn't have 3 other girls vying for attention? 

Either way my recommendation stands - send something that you think will really entice him and get him hot and let him know this is his last chance, otherwise don't waste your time. You're not the type of girl that waits around or doesn't have options.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> I get that but at least be man enough to say it. And not vaguely either. He contacted me this last time.
> I say good luck in finding another.
> 
> Good riddens.


As the saying goes with friends like this....

Sue, you are absolutely right he is being a weasel...and as such should be left out in the cold....remember your time and presence is just as valuable as his is, and more so to you. as the song goes wash that man right out of your hair....


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

BigDigg said:


> Well...that is direct. And sexual I guess. But doesn't sound too hot or enticing ... very dry and logistical. Of course you're summarizing so maybe it really was.
> 
> Something doesn't add up - couple possibilities I see: 1) has a very new girlfriend / SO and wants to attempt to be faithful 2) is tired of "the game" and wants something substantial but doesn't see it with you 3) just isn't attracted enough to you but does enjoy the ego bump 4) is legitimately busy
> 
> ...


To answer your question- I thought when he said my b***s are in need of serious attention my thought was that he obviously wasn’t getting any. But who knows. To me if your getting sex or attention you shouldn’t send me a text like that. Either follow thru or don’t. I think just waiting it out and if he w we does come back not sure lol if he will, and if he does I’ll he dang sure he knows that I have other options and a vibrator if he can’t get it together.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think this is like the third thread you’ve made about the same guy and the same issue.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

It sounds to me like this guy may just enjoy the tease and the ego boost from the sexual banter. He may be too busy, not really interested enough, or simply too lazy, to follow through with making actual plans. And that's fine. Because now you know that he's all shirt, no trousers. If you're not cool with being an option at his convenience, then just move along. He's clearly not willing to either actually make plans or to tell you directly that he's not interested in making plans. A guy who can't use his words like a grown up to make his intentions clear shouldn't be someone you'd want anyway. 

As I tell my teen son, anything less than an enthusiastic "Yes!" is really a "No." And you aren't getting an enthusiastic "Yes!" from this man.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If this is the same guy you've posted about several times before, you need to find another FB cause this one's not working too well for you. 

If this is a new guy, it's still not working. 

Who knows what he's thinking. He's not going o tell you so it's time to stop texting him and move on.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Yes I need to find a consistent non selfish one


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

He wants the sex with zero strings, absolutely zero. He keeps up the occasional texts because it boosts his ego. He doesn't want to be friends with you. You are not even a real person to him. Accept it and when you start thinking about him, try visualising that he's standing there in a doorway in your mind and you slam the door in his face.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Is he married by chance?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

An ego boost of words do nothing for me. How sad does he have to be to get a good feeling from seeing a text? Pathetic and insecure much? I think so!
Yes, I just wish he would text so I could say some non ego boosting things. 

That’s where I would feel I had my power back. Knowing that he thinks I’m stupid just irks me


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Sue4473 said:


> An ego boost of words do nothing for me. How sad does he have to be to get a good feeling from seeing a text? Pathetic and insecure much? I think so!
> Yes, I just wish he would text so I could say some non ego boosting things.
> 
> That’s where I would feel I had my power back. Knowing that he thinks I’m stupid just irks me


Well, to be honest, you probably got a boost from his texts as well. It's pretty normal. He is a jerk for the way he's treating you, but from his perspective you are getting something from the acquaintance too, but the only way it really works is if you become someone like him, and you don't care about him in any way shape or form except as a warm body attached to a penis.

You don't need to tell him off to get your power back. That comes from how you feel about yourself, not from how he feels about you. You would gain nothing but negative feelings from that interaction. Focus on the things that fulfill you and do them instead.

I've been in your place. I actually still like the guy as a person, and if I met him on the street, we'd probably share a hug I'd enjoy, but it was all physical. I stopped contacting him and let it die off naturally. 

There doesn't need to be any bad feelings, but you need to detach. By thinking you have to communicate with him in some way to get your power back, you're giving it away.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@breeze- I know and what you say sticks. Just sucks ya know.
Yea I don’t hate him and know that moving on is what needs to be done. I think I will delete his number.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Sue4473 said:


> @breeze- I know and what you say sticks. Just sucks ya know.
> Yea I don’t hate him and know that moving on is what needs to be done. I think I will delete his number.


Even FWB relationships run their coarse, sex is great but can get boring if there's no other connection, obviously he just isn't feeling it.

I don't think you will ever get closure, I think the guy is hoping you will just fade away, and I think that's exactly what you should do, don't ever respond to or contact him again.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sue, sounds like this guy is married?
Anyway, why are you letting yourself be used? You make it sound like it's more FWB but you wouldn't be continually posting on a forum like this if it didn't bother you. Get rid of him and move on. If he is married then shame on you.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

No he’s been divorced for 7 years. 
I’m moving on


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> No he’s been divorced for 7 years.
> I’m moving on


 I think that is an extremely wise choice.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

So, you told him to pick a time and date, and you'd get back to him if you're available. Now he's doing the same to you, but you're annoyed.

Yes I know it's not quite the same, but pretty close (he is taking it farther).

I agree with reiterating your interest in him but telling him you're tired of being ignored.

Maybe YOU pick a date, time, location and then note he's out of chances?



Sue4473 said:


> Ok a month ago I texted a small convo- how are things yada yada... small chit chat and boom out of the blue he says you miss my big ****
> Lol well I said yes. Told him to give me a date and time and I would see if I was available. Cause he says it’s bedn awhile etc. never heard back
> So I get busy and say this past wknd- too bad your not available so we can get what we both want and need. I was direct lol
> He replied- not this weekend. (I figured it was his wknd, kids, sports etc) so then I say so when are you available then? Not sure he says.
> So that’s where I’m at


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

It sounds to me that they are both are getting a benefit and no one is getting used..Well until recently.....So how many times did you guys "meet up"?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

My best guess is that he may have found himself in more of a committed relationship with someone, but maybe it's the beginning stages and he isn't quite sure. I would say that he's keeping you on the backburner just in case things don't work out with the other gal. In other words, he's keeping you hanging.

If it were me, I'd just cut him loose and find yourself a new special friend if that's your desire. This happened to me at one point, and I cut the guy loose; haven't heard from him in about a year now, and I'm good with that.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Yes that’s what I’m thinking.
Did the guy do the same to you too?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Volunteer86 said:


> It sounds to me that they are both are getting a benefit and no one is getting used..Well until recently.....So how many times did you guys "meet up"?


Not much maybe twice in a month?
I can’t see a man being that busy.
Or a man that can go without for that long. But who knows


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Sue, maybe the guy had a bad divorce and doesn't want another relationship that MIGHT lead to commitment. Some guys feel ripped off after a divorce and have a problem moving on.

I know a couple that is living together. Both say "never again" to marriage. 

Kids put an additional "never again" mindset that is so strong in some people's mind they are relationship adverse. They even think people are out to get or trick them.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

So true.... I will never know what’s really going on so I will move on, and leave it. He has my number and he knows how to get in contact.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Sue4473 said:


> So true.... I will never know what’s really going on so *I will move on*, and leave it. *He has my number and he knows how to get in contact.*


When you move on, the second bold part becomes irrelevant. 

You are not on standby.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

manwithnoname said:


> When you move on, the second bold part becomes irrelevant.
> 
> You are not on standby.


Absolutely not! But then I will be able to let him know I’m not and explain that if he wants something then I will not be treated as such. I have a tendency he may try to come back even when his number has been deleted and not contacted. I will be in a better mindset to be strong and not put up with unnecessary bull.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You ask why he leaves the door open?
> 
> Because you're an *option*. A fall-back plan.
> 
> He keeps the door open to you _just_ enough (without having to invest any real time or effort) should his *preferred *option(s) not be available to him.


Or he is a people pleaser.

And what do we know about "people pleasers"?








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