# Need opinions on incident that occured tonight!



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

So if you sit down at night to watch a program that you've been wanting to see all week long buuuuut it gets interrupted not once, not twice, not even three times, but a toal of 8 or 9 times by the cat jumping on the table and pulling & chewing on the blinds to the point where it has to be paused that many times to get him to stop - WHAT would be your reaction finally(happy or angry)??

Then to top it off your spouse tells you that you're not allowed to yell at him and not allowed to put him in another room to make him stop, and the show finally gets ruined because of it!


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Do you always obey your spouse? That cat would have ended up outside quickly! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

catnip, a laser pointer, food, outside, etc.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

hmmm,25 cent cat,you figure it out.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

I would have just turned it off. Try getting a water squirt bottle and spray the cat. Cats hate that or get a box, cats love boxes. 

Personally I would have thrown a shoe or somethin. I've had 4 cats. They all have learned not to do sh!t by me. 

But....cat treats in the kitchen or cat nip in another room. Maybe a cat house. Maybe cat toys. 

Our last cat was such a dog. If the kids were eating he would just jump on the table and eat off their plates. He would knock their milk over. 

We solved this by feeding him special food. One of those pouched cat foods that are fish like. He stopped bothering the kids when they ate. 

Get another cat or small dog??? They will occupy each other. Another though get a cat bed like a pillow and spray it with cat nip petco sells it, and put older not worn shirts (one from each of you) in the cat bed. He or she will be more opted to go over to it.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Go out tomorrow and get the biggest fn dog you can find.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'd be pissed. My cats needs do not come before mine.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Throw the cat at my wife.

lol. Kidding.

But I would have told her to "shhh" and dealt with the cat.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I'd be pissed. My cats needs do not come before mine.


Exactly, but if left upto her the cats rule and we must just sit back and take it. But the solution is(and I've done this before)to pick the cat up and put him in our bedroom and shut the damn door, but she says that is too cruel and forbids me to do that anymore nor does she want me yelling at him either. So as most of you know I am having mega problems in my marriage right now and we fight all the time, so I have started taking some meds and switched to de-caf to see if that will keep me a lot more calm, and maybe prevent all of this arguing that keeps taking place. Buuuuuut when you are put in a spot like I was tonight where "show's over and the cat wins" because of HER freakin way of doing things, I once again blew my top and cursed her and the cat out and went into the den and gave up on watching the damn show!


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Throw the cat at my wife.
> 
> lol. Kidding.
> 
> But I would have told her to "shhh" and dealt with the cat.


Throw the wife at the cat.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

earlyforties said:


> Throw the wife at the cat.


I was hoping for REAL opinions and not something a few of you fantasize about doing - lol.


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> I was hoping for REAL opinions and not something a few of you fantasize about doing - lol.


OK, maybe that should be plan B.

Do get the cat some toys and play with it. Two things will follow. The cat will be stimulated and calm down. Your wife will be stimulated that you have shown interest and care in something that means a lot to her (cat) and she will do nice things for you!

It's the cost of a few cat toys and you trying to take control of the situation in a positive non anger way will mightily impress the wife.

If it doesn't work... plan B


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Can you record the show you like? 

The box thing will work for a while. The spray bottle of water works, especially with vinegar, but the thing is you want to keep that cat busy. You don't want to punish him. 

He really is just being a cat. They like to lay on something like a towel in a clothes basket. Remember, they sleep all day and get up probably when your show comes on. 

Maybe you can play with the cat and wear him out a little before your show comes on?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hey, there's more than one way to skin a cat.

:rofl:


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> So if you sit down at night to watch a program that you've been wanting to see all week long buuuuut it gets interrupted not once, not twice, not even three times, but a toal of 8 or 9 times by the cat jumping on the table and pulling & chewing on the blinds to the point where it has to be paused that many times to get him to stop - WHAT would be your reaction finally(happy or angry)??
> 
> Then to top it off your spouse tells you that you're not allowed to yell at him and not allowed to put him in another room to make him stop, and the show finally gets ruined because of it!


Obviously your wife's idea of what is cruel is pretty bizarre. I'd tell her to find three experts who say that it's cruel to put a cat in a 10'x10' room for an hour if she wants me to abide by her definition of cruel, or to get your vet's agreement that this response is cruel. But in any case, this is NOT about cruelty to the cat. It's about the two of you are both on a warpath to destroy the other and prove yourselves superior. 

When it's more about being "right" than about finding win-win solutions to problems, then your relationship gets into serious trouble. 

For your part, I can see that you're probably sarcastic and belittling toward her. Stop that 100% no matter how frustrated you get if you want your relationship to survive. Instead, have a calm discussion where you tell your wife that you want her to feel good about the way you care for her and the animals, and tell her that it's not fair to expect the cats to decide how your household operates. Therefore, if she will not let you put them into a room temporarily, you'll accept any solution she provides as long as it solves the problem at least 80% of the time, but that if she cannot find that solution within a certain amount of time, then you will conclude she's unable to fix the problem and so you will.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Just for the record:

- the cat has a whole basket full of toys(and it's 11 years old and not still a kitten)

- when the cats wants full attention he usually does this

- not allowed to use spray bottles or of course throw anything at the cat

- not allowed to yell at the cat or it will cause a fight between us

- and lastly......I very _calmly_ suggested putting him in the bedroom because that does work, but again she said no to that and said it was cruel


Add all of that up and it = me blowing my stack finally after EIGHT times him in the blinds and her letting him which then = tv show WE were watching over and ruined!!


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Satya said:


> When a kitten is being bad, the mom will carry it by the back of the neck. This harmlessly paralyzes it and sends the signal *you are doing bad things! * This works if the cat is older too, just take the scruff and pull solidly but NOT roughly, and watch it turn to putty. Say "no!" clearly. Do this immediately after its been naughty. Do it close to the ground, too. If the cat is big, you could hurt it by lifting by scruff alone.


Thanks but it's not a kitten nor is it the first cat either one of us have ever owned, and she's had about 10 in her lifetime and we always had 2 or 3 growing up in my house as well as dogs.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

No TV in the den or bedroom as an alternative?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Exactly, but if left upto her the cats rule and we must just sit back and take it. But the solution is(and I've done this before)to pick the cat up and put him in our bedroom and shut the damn door, but she says that is too cruel and forbids me to do that anymore nor does she want me yelling at him either. So as most of you know I am having mega problems in my marriage right now and we fight all the time, so I have started taking some meds and switched to de-caf to see if that will keep me a lot more calm, and maybe prevent all of this arguing that keeps taking place. Buuuuuut when you are put in a spot like I was tonight where "show's over and the cat wins" because of HER freakin way of doing things, I once again blew my top and cursed her and the cat out and went into the den and gave up on watching the damn show!


No, you lose because your obviously afraid of your wife. My wife would only "forbid" me to do something ONCE! Next time she is out of the house. Load the cat up and take it to the pound! Stand up and be the man of your house or you will continue to lose your marriage!


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Stand up to your wife!
The cat distraction needed dealt with... BTW I HATE CATS!

Did I say...

STAND UP TO YOUR WIFE! Not the cat. The cat was being a cat... evil but that's another story. This is between you and your wife.

Also get a handle on you ANGER issue quick...that makes you weak, winy and look like a blowhard.
Grow up and control your emotions. Your life is out of sync... 

Key is to NEVER show anger simply state facts and hold the wife accountable. Stand firm and don't ever back down when you now you are in the right. Let her know what YOUR will tolerate and what you won't.

My wife does not 'enjoy" me standing up to her... until later.
I'm in a temporary sexless marriage so for me there is no downside.
This will be what turns mine sexual again.... correct the dynamics.

You are on the fast track towards ILYNILWY and a sexless marriage.
Start training your wife you are in charge and the final say.
She needs you to lead her always in the house.

Right now she leads and secretly or overtly deeply resents that...she enjoyed the cat messing with you.
Women can be cruel... wait until she withholds sex too that's the next step. Because you are weak and noneffective at handling her. She doesn't RESPECT you more than the cat...how lame is THAT!

YOUR FAULT!

Dude get more alpha quick at key moments.
You teach your wife how you are treated. Again all on you she's just reacting to what you taught her. Change up the lesson plan quick. Do her a favor.

This incident is over wait for the next one get prepared.
Don't worry a couple times you'll have her trained... mine is.

She now cares about if I get to watch football.... LOL.
She now trips over herself apologizing when I call out bad behaviors.
She'll eventually care I get my sex I need... matter of time.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Why can't you just spray it with a water bottle like others have suggested? That's what most vets recommend, it doesn't hurt and it gets the point across. I have three cats myself one is a Bengal and one is a Bengal Ocicat mix and a Siamese mix. Those mischievous little f****** plot to ruin my night sometimes too. But as much as two of them like water, they definitely don't like me spraying it at them repetitively until they get lost (doesn't take long). 

Also locking a cat in a room for an hour doesn't make you a cruel person, but your wife's reaction to that is a bit crazy IMO.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> No, you lose because your obviously afraid of your wife. My wife would only "forbid" me to do something ONCE! Next time she is out of the house. Load the cat up and take it to the pound! Stand up and be the man of your house or you will continue to lose your marriage!


Ehhhh - 100% wrong, because the reason why her and I argue so much and scream at each other is because I am ALWAYS standing upto her, and I am trying to put a stop to all the screaming and arguing. And for the record my wife will argue and fight for hours upon hours upon hours with anyone until that person finally loses their voice!

And "take the cat to the pound" - LMAO, I would love to see you try that with her(or any woman)and very soon after you will be packing your bags as well.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> So if you sit down at night to watch a program that you've been wanting to see all week long buuuuut it gets interrupted not once, not twice, not even three times, but a toal of 8 or 9 times by the cat jumping on the table and pulling & chewing on the blinds to the point where it has to be paused that many times to get him to stop - WHAT would be your reaction finally(happy or angry)??
> 
> Then to top it off your spouse tells you that you're not allowed to yell at him and not allowed to put him in another room to make him stop, and the show finally gets ruined because of it!


Ask the cat what to do about it.

He/she is in charge of the household.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Just for the record:
> 
> 
> Add all of that up and it = me blowing my stack finally after EIGHT times him in the blinds and her letting him which then = tv show WE were watching over and ruined!!


Cee Paul... is it about the cat and the ruined show or you are meeting roadblocks and arguments from your wife and you feel helpless?

I think it is the latter. Stop making this incident about the show. The incident is about the CAT...an animal...having more control in your house than you. You have a right to be angry, but more importantly you have the right to take control.

Next time, say you are putting the cat in the bedroom...it was your hope to enjoy your wife's company, and some good entertainment, the cat happens to be ruining that experience so the cat is going away! (Remember dogs are often trained using a crate!) If your wife argues, say that is a shame, you guess you will now go over to Bobby's house and watch the ball game then.:smthumbup:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think this is your wife's passive aggressive bullcrap to make you angry.

If my dog was annoying my husband like this, I'd remove the dog or my husband would. Problem solved.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I think this is your wife's passive aggressive bullcrap to make you angry.
> 
> it isn't passive aggressive, it is in your face @#%$ You! Very agressive.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No. She's letting the cat do that, because she knows it pisses him off. That's passive.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

She's letting the cat??? The Cat is doing what cat's do! When Cee Paul chooses he has had enough of it his wife is expressing that the Cat's needs are more important than his. She is arguing that the cat has a higher priority...that isn't passive....that's pretty direct. If she was ignoring everything that was going on in the room that would be passive.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea. When you don't stop an animal from doing something, you are letting them do it. Why is that hard to understand?

That's why it's called PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE. It's both. Good grief. Done arguing with you. Good day.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

that_girl said:


> No. She's letting the cat do that, because she knows it pisses him off. That's passive.


No she's doing that because she babies the living hell out of this cat all the time, and then when I did put the cat in the room she just went and took him right back out and said it was cruel. And so if I went and did it again we would've just went round & round and it would've gotten louder & louder, and I am doing my freakin best to PREVENT all that crap from taking place.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

When you get a cat you need to understand that you no longer rule the household.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Here is the cat we're talking about who weighs 22 lbs and is cute and cuddly and will make you laugh, but is a huuuuge pain in the azz the rest of the time.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Ehhhh - 100% wrong, because the reason why her and I argue so much and scream at each other is because I am ALWAYS standing upto her, and I am trying to put a stop to all the screaming and arguing. And for the record my wife will argue and fight for hours upon hours upon hours with anyone until that person finally loses their voice!
> 
> And "take the cat to the pound" - LMAO, I would love to see you try that with her(or any woman)and very soon after you will be packing your bags as well.


No the reason you two argue and scream is because you two argue and scream at each other. There is NO arguing and screaming in my house. I state facts in a calm and concise manner, there is NO debating facts. If my wife yells and screams at me I inform her that kind of behavior will get her NO WHERE and the conversation is OVER until she can act like an adult, oddly enough I have never had to do that. She expects demands the same from me. We hold each other to a higher standard. 

If you are trying to take control by yelling and screaming and throwing tantrums I can see why you are meeting resistance. Women do not want to be lead by an out of control person. 

I assure you my wife and I are best friends and discuss EVERYTHING but at the end of the day if we can not agree, I decide. I am the leader of my house and I will lead it. 

Why in the world would I pack my bags in MY house? 

The sad thing is, I recognize your situation. I was scared of my ex as well. I let her kick me out of MY house (notice the word "let'). And I let her lead the marriage, because I didn't understand my place. I was scared to make her angry, and we yelled and screamed at each other on a regular basis. Sound familiar? It is time to take your place as the leader or get the hell out! 

This isn't about a cat, the cat situation is just a symptom to a bigger problem.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Here is the cat we're talking about who weighs 22 lbs and is cute and cuddly and will make you laugh, but is a huuuuge pain in the azz the rest of the time.


Ohhh...I LOVE your cat - he is HUGE & so cute. 

I get that you don't want to argue about the cat. Do you have children at home? I'm interested to know if your wife has been this way she is about the cat for the past 11 yrs.?


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

22lbs? Tell your wife if she truly cared about the cat shed put it on a diet. That's morbidly obese by cat standards. And being overweight is much much harder on cats than dogs. It also makes the cat prone to worse conditions than obesity too. Not trying to preach but your wife is ass backwards when it comes to how you treat animals. 

If it likes laser pointers you can get one Barrett powered thing that shoots the laser wherever, sending your cat into madness trying to catch the red dot, all while distracting it from annoying you and helping it to loose a few


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

So you yell, scream, argue with your wife to stop yelling, screaming, and arguing with you???

And you know she can carry on for days??? 

You should just stop. Maybe the whole scenario could have played out like this:

(cat does cat things)
You: get the cat. 

(in a calm voice)

She dosent respond. 

You: get the cat and both of you can leave. I just want to watch this show. It's the one thing I like to watch. 
(still calm, but with an authoritative tone)

When she flips out stare directly at the tv. Don't turn the tv up don't turn to look at her. 

Let her yell. Who cares. Don't engage with more yelling. State once more "take the cat out". 

If she continues to act a fool, just cut the show off. You couldn't hear it anyways, and leave the room. Get on the computer play some Xbox. Hell a "I" game. Read a book. Take a shower. 

She will follow you around. Don't yell back. She is getting a high from the fight. Her fix is getting you to fight back. Drama is the best high. It's instant there is no side affects. 

If you just stop giving in to the druggie wanting to get "high", she will eventually stop. 

So she keeps trying to get the fight going simply state in a calm voice you are done with the nights activities. If she would like to continue this conversation later with in door voices you would like to. She is other wise free to watch the tv or do whatever she wants in a different room. 

If its late enough just go to sleep. You can't argue with someone who's snoring. I know this because I've tried. You want her to change, fat chance. You be the man and change. She will follow suit. 

It's not easy but it is just that simple. Stop yelling back. She is getting a payout. You both are addicted to the drama. You need to quit. Cold turkey. 

You can't have an argument by yourself...well you can, but it's very one sided. And it's not rendering the same results. Other words no payout.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

I think what a lot of you are forgetting that what works for some...............does not work for others & can't be used.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> No the reason you two argue and scream is because you two argue and scream at each other. There is NO arguing and screaming in my house. I state facts in a calm and concise manner, there is NO debating facts. If my wife yells and screams at me I inform her that kind of behavior will get her NO WHERE and the conversation is OVER until she can act like an adult, oddly enough I have never had to do that. She expects demands the same from me. We hold each other to a higher standard.
> 
> If you are trying to take control by yelling and screaming and throwing tantrums I can see why you are meeting resistance. Women do not want to be lead by an out of control person.
> 
> ...


Again you're missing the point that my wife will stand up to me - you - and anyone else if they were married to her, and when I lose it and fire back at her it's usually AFTER I have bit a hole in my tongue trying not to do that. This is not the movie "The Stepford Wives" my friend, and women who have professional careers and a mind of their own are not going to just bow down and kiss your feet cause you want them to. If you were in my place and tried to come at her with that attitude and frame of mind you'd be......OUT THE DOOR.


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## old pilot (Oct 9, 2012)

Take the wife and the cat wayyy out in the lake and let em swim back.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

I'm not missing the point. I know because been there done that. I'm a alpha Leo who backs down from no one and nothing. 

The fighting is addictive. You both are addicted to drama. You both are getting a payoff for this high. It's fun and cheap and you don't have to go outside to get your fix. 

I can yell loud with the best of em. 

Hi I'm pandakiss....
And I'm addicted to drama. 
:group:
Hi pandakiss

My husband is my enabler and my pusher. I would just get high all the time at any cost. Sometimes multiple times a day. 

My high came at a high price. It almost cost me my relationship. I got so bad I would get high in front of my kid, my mom, and the bigger the audience the better. 



To be clear I'm talking about arguing and fighting. It's drama when you do it just because. The reason you do it is because you get a high from it. Like the affair fog. It releases all kinds of things I can't even spell in your brain. 

You need to get the fix. It feels great. The urge you feel to fight back is the brain tweekin out. There is someone getting high right in front of you. 

Think of yourselves as crack heads. When the heads fright about dumb sh!t, it's just the brain crashing out. You need a fix. Right now!!!!

That's why 2 drug users can't co-exist. You get that remembrance high. Then you start going through withdraw then you must get high. 

That's why you can't just let her talk. Here's an experiment. Next time you know you will fight, cuz you know when it's coming, hide a video camera and record the two of you. 

But yes. It does work. Just stop. Unlike real drug users you both can stop the drama train and live very nicely. Just watch her see how much of a payoff she is getting. Look how happy she looks after. Yes she is happy. The rage is happiness. The madder she gets the better she feels. 

You just get a contact high and jump in. Throw in a little bit of not right fighting plus resentment. You have a lethal combo. Do you really remember the fights??? I don't even remember 90% of ours. It's that high. You just can't remember. 

So either video the fight or take a mental step back and let her yell it out. This type of high does not have to be supplemented out for other things. Just the pure and simple stoppage makes it go away. 

Once you stop fighting and stop getting this payoff, you can start right fighting, and start getting to the real problem of her resentment (s)


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> I'm not missing the point. I know because been there done that. I'm a alpha Leo who backs down from no one and nothing.
> 
> The fighting is addictive. You both are addicted to drama. You both are getting a payoff for this high. It's fun and cheap and you don't have to go outside to get your fix.
> 
> ...


See this is where you might be missing something in that - I don't like to fight and do not enjoy it, and most other people that I am around or grew up with never knew me as this type of person. Because most of the times we were hanging out and having a good time and they know what buttons not to push, but my wife also knows those buttons and still pushes them anyway because she IS a person who enjoys arguing and fighting.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Cats not the problem, the wife is using the cat to torment you.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

mel123 said:


> Cats not the problem, the wife is using the cat to torment you.


Well maybe; but know this that she babies the hell out of him and I don't believe in that when he's acting up and so I am a lot more stern with him, but she's not at all and it drives me crazy that she allows him to run the show(and wants me to allow him to as well).


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

All of our animals are babied, except for the dog, whom I don't like. I must admit, if the cats are asleep on our bed & hubby puts them out of the room, I will let them back in if they complain.
With some women, the mothering instinct is so strong they will treat their pets like their children.
View attachment 1676


These pair will sleep on our office chairs when we get up & we have been known to get other chairs rather than disturb them..


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I have a spray bottle of water to threaten the cat with whenever it does something annoying (often)

now all you need to do is show it to her and she stops dead (until five minutes later when she starts up again)

that's the problem with cats though - untrainable. Do whatever the hell they want when they want. 

Screw you human!


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## Benevolence (Oct 8, 2012)

Make a shrieking sound when ever the cat does something you do not approve of, it should run for its life. You could also try pulling your shades/blinds up, hide the string of course.

I would stick it in the bathroom and tell her to go play with it in there.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Again you're missing the point that my wife will stand up to me - you - and anyone else if they were married to her, and when I lose it and fire back at her it's usually AFTER I have bit a hole in my tongue trying not to do that. This is not the movie "The Stepford Wives" my friend, and women who have professional careers and a mind of their own are not going to just bow down and kiss your feet cause you want them to. If you were in my place and tried to come at her with that attitude and frame of mind you'd be......OUT THE DOOR.


I can not and will NOT be "out the door" in my own house unless I choose to be. Sad really. Your wife will stand up to your yelling and screaming, they always do, and she might even stand up to you being the leader, temporarily. 

I love it when so many people ignore advice given because somehow their situation is different, somehow their SO is not the same as every other SO in the WORLD. I hate to break it to you, you and your wife are NOT different. You are the same and as soon as you realize that your way isn't working, so you MUST try something else, you and your marriage will be better off. What's that saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?

I worry you think that I am the boss of my wife. I am not, I lead my family and my wife follows me because she thinks I am a good leader. If I tried to boss my wife she would resist as yours is. 

To get something you have never had, you must do something you have never done...


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> See this is where you might be missing something in that - I don't like to fight and do not enjoy it, and most other people that I am around or grew up with never knew me as this type of person. Because most of the times we were hanging out and having a good time and they know what buttons not to push, but my wife also knows those buttons and still pushes them anyway because she IS a person who enjoys arguing and fighting.


WOW, are you not in control of you? Anybody can push buttons, but it is the ADULT that decides whether to react or not. You need to take some responsibility for your actions.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Lots of cat lovers here in this thread (me). 

We get that she loves the cat & allows it do to stuff that annoys you. 

We also now get that good solutions to deal with mis-behaving cats are not allowed by your wife.

We also get that your wife will fight to the end to get her way & you don't want to fight with her at all. I understand your POV. I hate fighting.

Do you only have one television in the home? If not, can you simply go into another room to watch your show & shut the door so the cat cannot come in?


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

IDK.. cats and dogs are like children. Are they gonna hurt themselves or destroy property? Then, no they shouldn't be allowed to do certain things.

One -- blinds are dangerous to cats. When you are not home, they can become tangled in them and hang themselves. Cords should be well out of the way, get rid of the blind find something else to cover the window. 

Two -- my cat "listens" to me. I don't yell, I am stern and say NO and she will stop what she is doing. I find my dogs are the same way.. it's not the volume, it's the tone and attitude. I am the boss. And they listen.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> WOW, are you not in control of you? Anybody can push buttons, but it is the ADULT that decides whether to react or not. You need to take some responsibility for your actions.


If you've read other posts of mine in other forums you would know that I've already admitted to not having control over my temper( and are now taking meds for it as well as switching to de-caf), and if you've ever heard of someone who is "hot headed" that would describe me and I also married someone who is. And most of the time I am ok until that button gets pushed and pushed and pushed until I hit my breaking point, and that's when all hell breaks loose and terrible things get said.

But you make it sound like every single person on this earth is exactly the same when we all know that's a load of crap, and there are literally a million different personalities and behavior patterns in this world that all react to things.........._differently_.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

Bottom line is you are getting high with her. You don't do something with out a payoff. Just because you don't argue with other people like you do your wife, but drug users don't get high with everybody either. 

But you get a payout from disagreeing with everyone here. You just "yea, but...yea, but....yea, but....to a lot of things. So. Good luck. I get no payout from going in circles with you.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> Bottom line is you are getting high with her. You don't do something with out a payoff. Just because you don't argue with other people like you do your wife, but drug users don't get high with everybody either.
> 
> But you get a payout from disagreeing with everyone here. You just "yea, but...yea, but....yea, but....to a lot of things. So. Good luck. I get no payout from going in circles with you.


Just because you try and psycho-analize someone Pandakiss doesn't mean you are correct or nailed it, because none of us really and truely know what it's like to walk in each other's shoes by just reading posts from one another. But thanks for your help anyway.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

And btw this thread has helped because the majority of the responses have been in favor of me getting mad at the cat for being a pain in the butt, and also for me being mad at my wife for trying to baby and protect him way too much. So that tells me that I'm not the only one who would've finally had enough of that crap interrupting my night.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> And btw this thread has helped because the majority of the responses have been in favor of me getting mad at the cat for being a pain in the butt, and also for me being mad at my wife for trying to baby and protect him way too much. So that tells me that I'm not the only one who would've finally had enough of that crap interrupting my night.


Yep, if only you could get rid of that cat, your marriage would be perfect.

So sad that so many in society today can blame others for their behavior. 
Good luck.


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## twomistakes (Oct 5, 2012)

Wow, all these comments about the man "handling" his wife, having the final say because he is the leader of his household, and training your wife... it's sad. Sorry, if my H and I disagreed about something, no way would he automatically have the last say just because he's a man. We both lead and both follow. He's not somehow more of a leader or decision maker, just because he's male.

At the same time, I don't try to handle, control, or train him. It's not always about power or control. It's not HIS house and it's not MY house - it's OUR house, OUR cat, and OUR marriage.

Obviously you know how to handle a cat. My cat completely ignores his toys, and also loves to scratch at the blinds. We use a spray bottle. But it's pretty clear that you're not here, on a marriage forum, to get advice on how to handle a cat. You know what needs to be done, but your wife disagrees.

I have a suspicion that your wife doesn't really think it's cruel to spray the cat or lock it in another room. You mentioned that you have had other cats - what happened when they did something bad? I think she's using the cat's bad behavior as a way to start a fight. My H and I get frustrated with our cat (he was a stray we took in out of pity, neither of us are cat people), and we do snap at each other when our patience is worn thin by a destructive cat. I get that. But, since you felt the need to come here to get advice, I'm guessing it goes deeper than one interrupted TV show. Is there something more going on? If you don't know of anything else, ask her.

Maybe I'm way off base, and it's really just about the cat. Either way, you've got to start the conversation when you're both clam. First, apologize for losing your temper - that will help her to not feel like she's under attack. Don't apologize for trying to discipline the cat, but just for yelling and losing control of yourself. Tell her how you feel that she is showing more respect for the cat than for you, or that she is putting him before you. If she thinks it's cruel to spray him or lock him in another room, say you can respect that and won't try to do those things, but that the two of you need to think of an alternative. Say you are thinking of your needs (to relax and watch TV), but you're also thinking of the cat's safety and happiness (blinds are dangerous, and the cat is obviously bored and has a lot of pent up energy if he's playing with them). Maybe she could play with the cat when he's acting up like this. A laser pointer really works wonders. Say that she can play with the cat to give him a safe outlet for his pent-up energy, while also giving him the attention he needs/wants. If she does this, great! If it comes up again, ask her to play with the cat, or you will put it in the bedroom. Then it's up to her.

Good luck.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> I would have just turned it off. Try getting a water squirt bottle and spray the cat. Cats hate that or get a box, cats love boxes.
> 
> Personally I would have thrown a shoe or somethin. I've had 4 cats. They all have learned not to do sh!t by me.
> 
> ...


Yup - cat toys and a water bottle with a "stream" setting. Best way to train a cat to stay off/away from stuff. They are pretty smart - won't take long.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

twomistakes said:


> Wow, all these comments about the man "handling" his wife, having the final say because he is the leader of his household, and training your wife... it's sad. Sorry, if my H and I disagreed about something, no way would he automatically have the last say just because he's a man. We both lead and both follow. He's not somehow more of a leader or decision maker, just because he's male.
> 
> At the same time, I don't try to handle, control, or train him. It's not always about power or control. It's not HIS house and it's not MY house - it's OUR house, OUR cat, and OUR marriage.
> 
> ...


So when you two disagree on a decision to be made. Who makes it?


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

As far as the whole water bottle thing that was already used until about two years ago and it was effective; buuuuut - while squirting one of them(we have 2)in the azz some water landed over in a corner and sat there and formed mold on the wood trimming & carpet, and when my wife discovered this she of course blew up and FORBID me to squirt the cats again. Now when she's not home or is asleep all her discipline methods go out the window, and those cats get screamed at by me all the time and put in the room when they act up. And as far as doing all of this to piss me off that's 100% incorrect, because according to her family she's always babied the hell out of her pets long before I came along.

And to SBrown: like I said to another self righteous individual on here who makes no mistakes in life(or just comes off that way), please let me know where that bronze statue of you is in your town square so I can go pay tribute to it - lol.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Self righteous? No. self aware? Yes. Responsible for my actions? Without a doubt. Working on self improvement? Everyday. Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


You really scream at a cat? Lol


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I think the whole thing indicates lot more problems between you and your wife, but you can start another thread about that.

Me and cats? They bother me, I remove them. If I suggest locking them up and my wife objects, then the next time they bother me, I pick one up and drop it on her keyboard/table/chair and let it be her problem. If it comes back to me, it goes back to her. 

If my wife doesn't like it, I tell her that she doesn't like my solution, she can come up with one herself.

Eventually, my wife realizes the cat is a problem and deals with it.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Self righteous? No. self aware? Yes. Responsible for my actions? Without a doubt. Working on self improvement? Everyday. Good luck
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> 
> You really scream at a cat? Lol


You just strike me as some self help guru type person who believes in waving a magic wand and all life's problems go away.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> So when you two disagree on a decision to be made. Who makes it?


Is this not dependent on subject matter and who feels more strongly about the circumstance? I don't believe gender and husband and wife "roles" should be the deciding factor. It should be about picking your battles and deciding for yourself, (after full consideration of your SO's feelings on the matter) whether you still feel as strongly about the subject matter. You need to determine what value is obtained and added by maintaining your point of view. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.....but sometimes it is! This should apply to both spouses and should have nothing to do with roles of dominance or submission, Alpha or Beta etc etc


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

StoneAngel said:


> Is this not dependent on subject matter and who feels more strongly about the circumstance? I don't believe gender and husband and wife "roles" should be the deciding factor. It should be about picking your battles and deciding for yourself, (after full consideration of your SO's feelings on the matter) whether you still feel as strongly about the subject matter. You need to determine what value is obtained and added by maintaining your point of view. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.....but sometimes it is! This should apply to both spouses and should have nothing to do with roles of dominance or submission, Alpha or Beta etc etc


Dominance or submission, Alpha or Beta? No one is submissive in my house (unless they want to be  ) you must not have read my post. My wife and I are BEST friends and discuss everything. BUT if we can not come to an agreement, the decision MUST still be made. One of you MUST decide what is best for the family. A stalemate is NOT an option in some cases. 

I didnt ask you how you come to the decision, I asked who makes that decision when you two can not agree? When both parties are set in their opposing opinion, who decides? Who is the leader in your house?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> You just strike me as some self help guru type person who believes in waving a magic wand and all life's problems go away.


I am a self improvement type person that is HAPPILY married and in my marriage I am not afraid of my wife or her animals. I'm in a marriage where I come first with my wife, not dead last right after the animals. I understand your anger, I was angry too when my ex put me last and I was too scared to stand up to her. I took prozac to control it because i thought I had a mental problem, when I just had a perception problem. As I said before, Good luck.


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## twomistakes (Oct 5, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Dominance or submission, Alpha or Beta? No one is submissive in my house (unless they want to be  ) you must not have read my post. My wife and I are BEST friends and discuss everything. BUT if we can not come to an agreement, the decision MUST still be made. One of you MUST decide what is best for the family. A stalemate is NOT an option in some cases.
> 
> I didnt ask you how you come to the decision, I asked who makes that decision when you two can not agree? When both parties are set in their opposing opinion, who decides? Who is the leader in your house?


I had to think long and hard about this. It's occurred to me that we have never been in a situation where we disagreed and both felt equally strongly. It's always happened that one of us feels more strongly than the other. We've never had a disagreement that we weren't able to compromise on. We start out disagreeing, then consider the other's feelings and needs, and see where we can come to terms.

For example, when we were looking for a house, I wanted to live in the city, and H wanted to live in the country. After a lot of discussion, I realized that H would be more unhappy in than the city than I would be in the country. We ended up finding a place that is secluded and away from the city, but still close to town and public transit for me.

As for OP, it seems like his wife feels very strongly that the cat shouldn't be put in another room. He mentioned that she's always babied her pets - so, clearly, they are very important to her. If it really means that much to her that the cat not be locked up, he may try to find an alternative - like, playing with the cat using a laser pointer while watching TV - it's easy to do both at once, and doesn't take much effort. He gets to watch his show, wife gets to play/bond with cat, compromise. It's a win-win-win (for both spouses, and the cat).

If H and I are ever in a situation where we absolutely cannot agree, I'm not sure what we'll do. But I can say for sure that if one of us has a deciding vote, it won't be based on gender. Maybe we'll come here and get some advice from our friend on TAM


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

twomistakes said:


> I had to think long and hard about this. It's occurred to me that we have never been in a situation where we disagreed and both felt equally strongly. It's always happened that one of us feels more strongly than the other. We've never had a disagreement that we weren't able to compromise on. We start out disagreeing, then consider the other's feelings and needs, and see where we can come to terms.
> 
> For example, when we were looking for a house, I wanted to live in the city, and H wanted to live in the country. After a lot of discussion, I realized that H would be more unhappy in than the city than I would be in the country. We ended up finding a place that is secluded and away from the city, but still close to town and public transit for me.
> 
> ...


I have to say that while my wife and I agree that I get the final say so (yes we have discussed it). We have never had to use it. We have always agreed after a serious discussion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your wife does not care about your happiness and comfort.

You have to earn that care... And if you have earned that care you have to then demand it.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Dominance or submission, Alpha or Beta? No one is submissive in my house (unless they want to be  ) you must not have read my post. My wife and I are BEST friends and discuss everything. BUT if we can not come to an agreement, the decision MUST still be made. One of you MUST decide what is best for the family. A stalemate is NOT an option in some cases.
> 
> I didnt ask you how you come to the decision, I asked who makes that decision when you two can not agree? When both parties are set in their opposing opinion, who decides? Who is the leader in your house?


I wasn't making comment on your personal relationship with your wife. Nor was I suggesting you are unkind and view your wife as 'less than'. 
You do however portray that when you choose you get vito power. Like you command a higher authority and somehow that authority is given to you because of some pre-determined role ie) you wear the pants, you are the leader, you are male.
You may only subscribe to this role at times when you both can not mutually agree, but it is still a time for you to demonstrate your authority based on what.....a role?
I think I answered your question. Who makes the final decision should be based on circumstance. Based on the consequences of that decision and who is affected more by them. It is based on
what is stood to gain and sometimes that final decision is made without consensus. ie) I can't and won't stop you from doing X but I don't have to participate. 
I believe in healthy environments the "final decision' flip flops, and trades back and worth, between spouses based on ideas, feelings etc, etc and is not specific to a conceived idea that there must be only 1 leader/head of the family.

Now bedroom roleplay is a whole other topic!


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## Desperate_Housewife (Oct 15, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> I think the whole thing indicates lot more problems between you and your wife, but you can start another thread about that.
> 
> Me and cats? They bother me, I remove them. If I suggest locking them up and my wife objects, then the next time they bother me, I pick one up and drop it on her keyboard/table/chair and let it be her problem. If it comes back to me, it goes back to her.
> 
> ...


Well said.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> I am a self improvement type person that is HAPPILY married and in my marriage I am not afraid of my wife or her animals. I'm in a marriage where I come first with my wife, not dead last right after the animals. I understand your anger, I was angry too when my ex put me last and I was too scared to stand up to her. I took prozac to control it because i thought I had a mental problem, when I just had a perception problem. As I said before, Good luck.


This just tells me you haven't followed any of my other posts in other threads all over this site; because if you did you would know that the main reason my marriage is in trouble is because my wife and I continuously butt heads, which means I give her as much crap as she tries to give me and we go round and round. Believe me she would looooooooove a husband that just sits there and takes orders without resistance or backtalk, but that sure as hell ain't me and never will be.


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Cee Paul,

Do you have a Tivo, DVR or even a VCR? Just record the darn show and then say "cat goes in the room or I'm going out for a walk." 

In short, find ways to deflect situations that make you angry without causing yourself any pain. You can watch the show later. Disengage from the craziness.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

MarriedTex said:


> Cee Paul,
> 
> Do you have a Tivo, DVR or even a VCR? Just record the darn show and then say "cat goes in the room or I'm going out for a walk."
> 
> In short, find ways to deflect situations that make you angry without causing yourself any pain. You can watch the show later. Disengage from the craziness.


The show we were watching supposedly together was "Grimm" because we both like it and have seen every episode; and yes we have a dvr as well as a pause button on our cable system and after it was paused about 7 or 8 times because of that damn cat, I did hit record and stormed out of the room and yelled "F*CK IT" and went back and watched it later by myself.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

Cee Paul said:


> Exactly, but if left upto her the cats rule and we must just sit back and take it. But the solution is(and I've done this before)to pick the cat up and put him in our bedroom and shut the damn door, but she says that is too cruel and forbids me to do that anymore nor does she want me yelling at him either. So as most of you know I am having mega problems in my marriage right now and we fight all the time, so I have started taking some meds and switched to de-caf to see if that will keep me a lot more calm, and maybe prevent all of this arguing that keeps taking place. Buuuuuut when you are put in a spot like I was tonight where "show's over and the cat wins" because of HER freakin way of doing things, I once again blew my top and cursed her and the cat out and went into the den and gave up on watching the damn show!


If you want to reduce the impact of wife and cat on your TV watching, get a DVR. My someday exw (she's delayed the process for almost two years by switching attorneys every 6 months) had superb timing. If I was watching a baseball game, she'd walk in, start *****ing about her boss, with the tying or winning batter at the plate with 2 outs, 3 balls, and 2 strikes. As the season rolled through September and October she came in more frequently.

eBay has used Tivos for well under $50; lawyers charge upwards of $300/hour.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

ThinkTooMuch said:


> If you want to reduce the impact of wife and cat on your TV watching, get a DVR. My someday exw (she's delayed the process for almost two years by switching attorneys every 6 months) had superb timing. If I was watching a baseball game, she'd walk in, start *****ing about her boss, with the tying or winning batter at the plate with 2 outs, 3 balls, and 2 strikes. As the season rolled through September and October she came in more frequently.
> 
> eBay has used Tivos for well under $50; lawyers charge upwards of $300/hour.


Ummm you might wanna read the post above yours to answer your question - lol.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

Cee Paul said:


> Ummm you might wanna read the post above yours to answer your question - lol.


oops - didn't read far enough in the forum.


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