# Would you meet the OW?



## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

My husband and I have been married for 17 years and separated for six months. He left because he said that he wasn't in love with me any more and that we had just grown apart. Of course, I suspected that there was an OW in the picture because of the way he was acting so secretively, but he adamantly denied it. Now, the OW has contacted me and asked to meet because she says we have a lot to talk about. She apologized for hurting me and my family. Would meeting her make me feel better or worse?


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

only you can answer if it would make you feel better.
i dont see why it would, certainly if you are separated. likely, VERY LIKELY, the "a lot" you have to talk about is going to be her trying to assuage her guilt. or make herself feel better for her part in wrecking your marriage.
i'd tell her to shove it up her ass. thats just me.
i met OM, but only to threaten him. which seems to have worked. but im also still with my wife.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Hmm well, I separated with my H after 13 years - although he had most certainly been having EAs he swore up and down that he didn't have 'another woman'. However he was screwing someone in his new flat a few weeks after he left and he moved another woman in within three months. I suspect it's all the same woman and nothing he says will change my opinion

He actually suggested we 'all have dinner' to make it easier for my daughter to meet her. I told him his suggestion was laughable. I have literally nothing to say to her

If you want to hear a load of weasel words about how sorry she is then go ahead. She's only trying to make herself feel better (and probably get a good look at you into the bargain). Has he dumped her, is this why she's doing it? Tell her to go f*ck herself


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> Hmm well, I separated with my H after 13 years - although he had most certainly been having EAs he swore up and down that he didn't have 'another woman'. However he was screwing someone in his new flat a few weeks after he left and he moved another woman in within three months. I suspect it's all the same woman and nothing he says will change my opinion
> 
> He actually suggested we 'all have dinner' to make it easier for my daughter to meet her. I told him his suggestion was laughable. I have literally nothing to say to her
> 
> If you want to hear a load of weasel words about how sorry she is then go ahead. She's only trying to make herself feel better (and probably get a good look at you into the bargain). Has he dumped her, is this why she's doing it? Tell her to go f*ck herself


Haha Dolly...if my wife had traded me for OM in the end and had suggested we all meet up to make it easier on children...i would have blown my fkn lid. 
Thats even better than "yall would have probably gotten along really well". Which after my wife told me that i had to go break some sh!t. Preposterous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

The posOM works in the cell phone kiosk at the store where my STBXW works.

In a month, I'm eligible for a free upgrade for my phone... I'm tempted to go in, then, and have him help me pick out a new phone. 


Pb.


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## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

Yes, he dumped her and has already moved on to someone new.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

specialplace said:


> Yes, he dumped her and has already moved on to someone new.


ABSOLUTELY no need to meet her.
she just wants to make herself feel better, i guarantee it.
let her stew in her guilt YOU DONT OWE HER ANYTHING.


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## Po12345 (Apr 28, 2011)

specialplace said:


> Yes, he dumped her and has already moved on to someone new.


LOL

Not at ALL laughing at your situation but I find it funny when the OM/OW gets dumped then feels the need to reach out to someone, anyone, because they suddenly feel so bad about their own situation, which is likely what is going on here. 

I think it would be one thing if the OW didn't know you ever existed, but if she was aware of you as this entire affair developed, I wouldn't give the bxxch the time of day, tell her "tough luck, what did you think would happen?" and keep on keeping on. I really don't think visiting with her will do you any good, if anything it is a way to try and cling or connect to him in some way. I'd let it go.


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

My wife was having some form of secret relationship (I presume it was an EA) with an old school friend from her home country (where he still lives). They texted and emailed (although secretly using a GMail account I was unaware of and an iPhone Messenger App that sends messages via the data link, bypassing the text network and thus not showing up on the bill). He may have been the main EA during this period or he may have been a sideshow "shoulder to cry on" and there may have been an EA/PA with someone closer to home. 

Anyway, she went to her home country for a weekend just after she dropped the D bomb on me (it had been arranged a long time in advance, although looking back I bet it had quite a lot to do with the timing of the D bomb). They had dinner. I bet they were both intending to have sex (and maybe they did) but something went wrong. She turned him down (she claims he suggested they run off together despite both being married with kids) and he began bombarding her with texts and messages. Even my daughter (15) became aware of the frequent texts. 

To cut to the chase.....I ended up in contact with him by email. I have exchanged quite a few emails with him. On the face of it they are very friendly and we have developed a certain "two men both spurned by the same woman" bond. But in fact all I'm doing is playing him and pumping him for information. And worrying my STBXW that he and I are talking.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

specialplace said:


> Yes, he dumped her and has already moved on to someone new.


oh definitely don't meet her then! 

perhaps she thinks you'll be bestest friends now you've both been dumped by the loser!

oh my god some people


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Dollystanford said:


> Hmm well, I separated with my H after 13 years - although he had most certainly been having EAs he swore up and down that he didn't have 'another woman'. However he was screwing someone in his new flat a few weeks after he left and he moved another woman in within three months. I suspect it's all the same woman and nothing he says will change my opinion
> 
> He actually suggested we 'all have dinner' to make it easier for my daughter to meet her. I told him his suggestion was laughable. I have literally nothing to say to her
> 
> If you want to hear a load of weasel words about how sorry she is then go ahead. She's only trying to make herself feel better (and probably get a good look at you into the bargain). Has he dumped her, is this why she's doing it? Tell her to go f*ck herself


Since she's no longer posOW, I suggest giving her a new nickname.

I hear "Tosspot" is available - at least in the US


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I wouldn't meet her or any other new ones in the future. My ex h wanted both the OW and I. Not sure why he wanted both of us in his life. It wasn't an option though and I left. I had no choice, but to meet her since they eventually married. I have to say that I was very happy to get out of that marriage. It was horrible and we didn't have any good memories whatsoever. Now he's cheated on her several times. I only know of 3 women he admitted to since he got caught, but I bet you there are several more. Once a cheater, always a cheater rings true to many people.

I am sorry your going through this. There is never any reason to meet the OW ever. You don't need to talk. They both chose to ruin your marriage, your stbxh is equally at fault as this OW. Let her deal with his lies. He will continue down this path.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Voltaire said:


> To cut to the chase.....I ended up in contact with him by email. I have exchanged quite a few emails with him. On the face of it they are very friendly and we have developed a certain "two men both spurned by the same woman" bond. But in fact all I'm doing is playing him and pumping him for information. And worrying my STBXW that he and I are talking.


i dont see how you do this. i'd just as soon hammer OMs face into my boot as have a "friendly" conversation with him. although he did try that tack with me in an email. about how we would have "been cool", had mrs naga not "turned us against each other". i invited him out to my property so i could show him how "cool" we were. he declined.
you got more grit than me buddy.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Since she's no longer posOW, I suggest giving her a new nickname.
> 
> I hear "Tosspot" is available - at least in the US


No honey a 'tosspot' has to be a man really

There isn't a female equivalent, although I like 'two o'clock beauty queen'


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Dollystanford said:


> No honey a 'tosspot' has to be a man really
> 
> There isn't a female equivalent, although I like 'two o'clock beauty queen'


I like more concise names


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

naga75 said:


> i dont see how you do this.


The way I see it he was the nice guy shoulder to cry on who was just used by my wife. He listened sympathetically for months to my wife's moaning about how I was ruining her life. He probably "appreciated" her, told her how wonderful she was, etc. She probably reciprocated, but she didn't really mean it. As soon as they met face to face all bets were off and she ran a mile. But unless he's completely deranged (which I don;t think he is) he wouldn't be pursuing her with all the lovey lovey stuff unless she had seriously raised his expectations by whispering her own sweet nothings down the internet. 

He's just a sucker who got used. And now I'm using him (although he's not yielding much information, so he will shortly have outlived his usefulness). I just pity him.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

thats kinda the way i see OM.
as a fkn joke. a pathetic joke.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Conrad said:


> I like more concise names


I'm rather fond of "chump".


Pb.


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

naga75 said:


> thats kinda the way i see OM.
> as a fkn joke. a pathetic joke.


Yup. And pathetic losers aren't worth it.....they aren't worth the physical energy of a good kick and they aren't worth the emotional energy it requires to hate them. Just dogs in the gutter. Walk on by.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Voltaire said:


> He's just a sucker who got used. And now I'm using him (although he's not yielding much information, so he will shortly have outlived his usefulness). I just pity him.


He's got plenty of information.

He's just loyal to her.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Voltaire said:


> Yup. And pathetic losers aren't worth it.....they aren't worth the physical energy of a good kick and they aren't worth the emotional energy it requires to hate them. Just dogs in the gutter. Walk on by.


EXACTLY. of course, this required me to completely change the way i have dealt with "problems" my entire life. 
Ah well. Always blazing new territory haha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

Conrad said:


> He's got plenty of information.
> 
> He's just loyal to her.


Oh sure. And he's in teh same "I did it out of pure love and there is nothing wrong in pouring your heart out to someone" fog/denial that she is in.

I never expected him to tell me too much, and certainly not to admit that they did anything wrong or inappropriate. But he has thrown me a few useful bits of information without realising it.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

specialplace said:


> Yes, he dumped her and has already moved on to someone new.


Or perhaps she found out he was married and she dumped him.


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## specialplace (Aug 18, 2012)

NoWhere, she works with him and certainly knew I existed when they got involved.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

You know, it makes me wonder how often the posOP actually knows what's going on...

It occurs to me, that if my STBXW has been lying and sneaking manipulating and cheating on me, it's likely she's doing the same thing to posOM. He probably doesn't know the story, and much of what he does know is likely lies and half-truths. He probably has no idea what he's in for, and he probably thinks he's "rescuing" her from a brutish, nasty, unloving husband.

Chump. :loser:

The sad thing is, I now recognize that way back in college, when I first met my wife, and we first start dating... I was him.

Chump. :loser:


Pb.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

thats what was happening with my wife. she found this guy cos he was such a family man and everything i wasnt...
but, turns out, her soul mate was sneaking around on her, banging some other gym ho.
lol.
the irony.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Mine has managed to find a woman with no job who's bled him dry within a year - double irony ha ha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

specialplace said:


> NoWhere, she works with him and certainly knew I existed when they got involved.


Then I see no reason to meet this person at all. Just tell her to go away.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

My question to you is: *What possible benefit for you could come out of a meeting with someone who is blatantly cheating with your husband?*
Nothing in the cards but just more anxiety and heartbreak for you~ that's all!

The only one that you should be communicating with is your family law attorney. Period!

As far as your STBXH and his new concubine are concerned, they both need to be told to quickly *"take a hike!"*


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