# Porn apparently wrecks women too



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

What great courage in this young woman. I’ve been saying a long time that porn wrecks men and marriage… apparently wrecks women too. There must be millions of kids “getting their brains destroyed”. 😞









Billie Eilish says watching porn from age 11 'really destroyed my brain'


Grammy-winning singer Billie Eilish has spoken about an addiction to watching pornography, starting at age 11, and how it gave her nightmares and messed her up when she started dating.




www.reuters.com





I wonder if these kids can heal, grow up and have a normal, marital sexual relationships?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

@CatholicDad "Eilish, who turns 20 on Saturday, was speaking on 'The Howard Stern Show' on Sirius XM radio on Monday."

Have you ever spent time watching the Howard Stern show? This is kind of like reading an article that says, "Person claiming to be destroyed by porn goes onto a porn show to promote her career!"


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> What great courage in this young woman. I’ve been saying a long time that porn wrecks men and marriage… apparently wrecks women too. There must be millions of kids “getting their brains destroyed”. 😞
> 
> 
> 
> ...


What she said about she wanted the guys to think she was cool and so she pretended to really like porn to do that is what really happens with young women and why they put up with that stuff when they're young and then stop it when they're older and got their wits about them.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Porn gives women completely unrealistic expectations of just how soon a plumber will call to your house.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CatholicDad said:


> What great courage in this young woman. I’ve been saying a long time that porn wrecks men and marriage… apparently wrecks women too. There must be millions of kids “getting their brains destroyed”. 😞
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Women are being increasingly impact by porn use.

Kids can have healthy marriages and sex lives even if abused or addicted to porn.

Takes work.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Porn gives women completely unrealistic expectations of just how soon a plumber will call to your house.


Not to mention what kind of tools he is equipped with or how attractive plumbers really are.😋

They're expecting Chris Hemsworth and end up with Mario.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Many women destroy their lives and their relationships by pursuing literary pornography, AKA Romance Fiction. 
Nothing to see here, Move along.
BTW CD, Howard Stern is much too much for me, jaded as I am. Straight filth, with a capitol F-Word.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> Many women destroy their lives and their relationships by pursuing literary pornography, AKA Romance Fiction.
> Nothing to see here, Move along.
> BTW CD, Howard Stern is much too much for me, jaded as I am. Straight filth, with a capitol F-Word.


Also in uncommitted sexual relationships.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Notice this didn't stop her from posting topless photos on IG.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Al_Bundy said:


> Notice this didn't stop her from posting topless photos on IG.


That's how it goes. Profit from it while playing the victim.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Al_Bundy said:


> Notice this didn't stop her from posting topless photos on IG.


There is also a video of her blowing some guy.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think all of that is why now her brain is fully developed, she has spoken publicly about what motivated her and how it was bad for her and bad for a lot of other people.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

badsanta said:


> @CatholicDad "Eilish, who turns 20 on Saturday, was speaking on 'The Howard Stern Show' on Sirius XM radio on Monday."
> 
> Have you ever spent time watching the Howard Stern show? This is kind of like reading an article that says, "Person claiming to be destroyed by porn goes onto a porn show to promote her career!"


Kind of like me coming to TAM to warn others about porn… except no career boost, I’m less cool and not musically gifted 😆.. do consider myself damaged by porn though.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

CatholicDad said:


> Kind of like me coming to TAM to warn others about porn… except no career boost, I’m less cool and not musically gifted 😆.. do consider myself damaged by porn though.


I happen to play several musical instruments, including the drums.

Badly.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Can we make a rule of that @CatholicDad isn’t allowed to talk about porn anymore until the new year?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I am sure it can have an effect on lots of people. I remember the mass murder Ted Bundy once saying that porn distroyed his sense of right and wrong toward women. However, Howard Stern is not the best source of information on psychology. Sorry. I put him on the same level as Penthouse letters.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What better venue to talk about porn than a place frequented by porn users?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DudeInProgress said:


> Can we make a rule of that @CatholicDad isn’t allowed to talk about porn anymore until the new year?


How about we make a rule that you can't come to someone's thread and then insult them or try to make them feel bad in their own thread? Would that rule be acceptable to you?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I saw this story yesterday.

Wasn’t really sure what to think about it. I like that women are generally aware of different sex acts and if they’ve seen them on porn and seen people fake enjoying them then they’re more likely to attempt these things.

On the other hand, she’s still basically a kid.

When I was a kid, did I have 24/7 access to unlimited hardcore porn? No. Maybe in high school we’d have a tape or two that got traded around, that’s about it.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Many women destroy their lives and their relationships by pursuing literary pornography, AKA Romance Fiction.
> Nothing to see here, Move along.
> BTW CD, Howard Stern is much too much for me, jaded as I am. Straight filth, with a capitol F-Word.


I'm betting it's pretty RARE that a woman _destroys her life (!!!) and relationships_ by reading romance fiction novels. 

If a relationship is ruined from reading a romance novel it's because she's not into her partner, not that the romance novel ruined her feelings and attraction towards him.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Livvie said:


> I'm betting it's pretty RARE that a woman _destroys her life (!!!) and relationships_ by reading romance fiction novels.


Among all of the porn users I have known in my life, which includes every single man that I have ever known beyond a casual hello on the street, none of them had their intimate relationships destroyed in that way either.

Well, there might be one, I'm not sure, but if it were the case, the women of the world should be thanking porn for a public service rendered.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Cletus said:


> Among all of the porn users I have known in my life, which includes every single man that I have ever known beyond a casual hello on the street, none of them had their intimate relationships destroyed in that way either.
> 
> Well, there might be one, I'm not sure, but if it were the case, the women of the world should be thanking porn for a public service rendered.


I definitely don't think porn gets women better service rendered since it mostly just portrays men getting serviced in ways women find uncomfortable.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> How about we make a rule that you can't come to someone's thread and then insult them or try to make them feel bad in their own thread? Would that rule be acceptable to you?


Um, it was a good-natured jest… hence why I linked him directly in the comment.
I assume @CatholicDad took it as intended, as we’re usually on the same page on most things here.

I’d advise that being oversensitive and trying to engage in battles that don’t exist is not a productive use of ones time and mental energy. But do what you like.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I definitely don't think porn gets women better service rendered since it mostly just portrays men getting serviced in ways women find uncomfortable.


That same criticism can be labeled against just about any form of fiction, from the rom com, to erotica, romance fiction, and everything in between. It is not a foregone conclusion that you expect from your S.O. what you see in a pornographic video. For some, it fills the large gap between fantasy and reality without imposing on a spouse. 

And I might add there is an implied hard-core porn assumption here. That is not a universal taste - many, many men (some who have posted here) prefer amateur content between consenting adults who are genuinely enjoying what they do while fulfilling their exhibitionist tendencies.

As always, what two people do in bed has to be mutually negotiated and consented to. Around 1980, my girlfriend bought for us a copy of "The Joy of Sex". There's plenty in that book that fits your concerns, and no one not part of Westboro Baptist would call that pornography.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

DudeInProgress said:


> Can we make a rule of that @CatholicDad isn’t allowed to talk about porn anymore until the new year?


I talk less about porn than you stroke to it. 😂


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

DudeInProgress said:


> Um, it was a good-natured jest… hence why I linked him directly in the comment.
> I assume @CatholicDad took it as intended, as we’re usually on the same page on most things here.
> 
> I’d advise that being oversensitive and trying to engage in battles that don’t exist is not a productive use of ones time and mental energy. But do what you like.


Just what all bullies say.... I was just joking.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Anastasia6 said:


> How about we make a rule that you can't come to someone's thread and then insult them or try to make them feel bad in their own thread? Would that rule be acceptable to you?


Thanks for sticking up for me. I do hope ultimately people will read about this poor girl and change their perceptions about porn.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I still think porn is not always the "problem" but sometimes a "result" of the problem. I'll admit there are guys who have dropped the ball and chose porn over their wives. They are just dumb for doing so. But what about guys whose wives say "no" and they decide to watch porn to just have some fun and get a release? I'll admit I have done that before. You get all revved up for some fun and then the wife turns you down.

And yes, some have asked that why can't you just have fun thinking about your wife without porn? Well, if that person just refused you for sex, they are probably not the person you are going to be thinking about.

So is that porn ruining my mariage or me just watching porn as a subsitute measure of sex? Not sure I have the answer.

BUT I do know if the wife and I are having frequent sex (at least a time or two a week...I know thats not frequent for some here but it has become so for us even though I wound want it about 4-5x per week) I don't find the need for porn or that release. But if she says No for a week or two, I do.

So what came first porn or porn as a substitute for the real thing?


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Cletus said:


> Among all of the porn users I have known in my life, which includes every single man that I have ever known beyond a casual hello on the street, none of them had their intimate relationships destroyed in that way either.
> 
> Well, there might be one, I'm not sure, but if it were the case, the women of the world should be thanking porn for a public service rendered.


I think it evident that kids are getting hurt by porn… no sympathy about that?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

CatholicDad said:


> I talk less about porn than you stroke to it. 😂


Not since my wife took my phone away and demanded I focus on servicing her


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

We have laws about protecting kids from sexual exploitation, tobacco, alcohol… but then online there is really nothing protecting kids from the worst kinds of porn… except parents maybe. Kind of sad and terrible since some parents suck. I recall debating on here in the past some parents saying “my kids are going to deal with porn anyway so I’m not going to protect them from it”.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I still think porn is not always the "problem" but sometimes a "result" of the problem. I'll admit there are guys who have dropped the ball and chose porn over their wives. They are just dumb for doing so. But what about guys whose wives say "no" and they decide to watch porn to just have some fun and get a release? I'll admit I have done that before. You get all revved up for some fun and then the wife turns you down.
> 
> And yes, some have asked that why can't you just have fun thinking about your wife without porn? Well, if that person just refused you for sex, they are probably not the person you are going to be thinking about.
> 
> ...


Wouldn’t a good, stress relieving workout be a better outlet than porn? Or maybe some kind of other hobby…


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

CatholicDad said:


> Wouldn’t a good, stress relieving workout be a better outlet than porn? Or maybe some kind of other hobby…


I have tons of those but they are not a substitute for sex.

Just not able to go several weeks without a sexual release even if its self pleasuring. Not sure many guys who can?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A number of years ago, a guy I worked with invited me to go fishing with him.

He asked for advice, saying his daughter has been watching porn on the home computer when he is not home.
Apparently, she did not log out, one time.

She was about 15, at the time.

I did not know what to say, so I asked him, "Did he know what sort of porn she was watching?"

He said, "Mostly lesbian sex."

I guess he was more concerned about her being a lesbian then looking at porn.

My reply then was, "It is a phase she is going through, don't put to much stock in it".

Porn can normalize, that otherwise thought, aberrant behavior.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> Oh great, here come the attacks on my church because I dare say something against porn! Reported!


Well be honest you knew that was going to happen. Because 
A. while studies have shown porn can damage youths relationships and their self esteem those who use it have to defend it. And the defense has to be insulting or deflecting because it is hard to defend otherwise.
B. Both can't be bad it has to be one or the other.
C. Maybe we should just list all the bad things in the world and ask why that wasn't the focus of your post......


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Deemed offensive, deleted.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Anastasia6 said:


> Well be honest you knew that was going to happen. Because
> A. while studies have shown porn can damage youths relationships and their self esteem those who use it have to defend it. And the defense has to be insulting or deflecting because it is hard to defend otherwise.
> B. Both can't be bad it has to be one or the other.
> C. Maybe we should just list all the bad things in the world and ask why that wasn't the focus of your post......





CatholicDad said:


> I think it evident that kids are getting hurt by porn… no sympathy about that?


Yes, that's EXACTLY how this played out. Jesus...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I definitely don't think porn gets women better service rendered since it mostly just portrays men getting serviced in ways women find uncomfortable.


I know a lot of guys that screwed up their bedroom lives by having their brains formatted to porn.

It's an interesting conversation to be talking to a grown man that is "doing it wrong".


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

[Correction]😈
If a relationship is ruined from reading a romance novel (viewing pornography other than romance novels) it's because she's (he's) not into her (his) partner, not that the romance novel (or some other form of pornography) ruined her (his) feelings and attraction towards him (her).


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

As long as the paycheck reads "Mr. Lucifer Morningstar, Esq.", it's out of my hands.

Hey, I have no problem admitting that too much porn, pot, booze, or just about anything to excess is almost certainly a problem for anyone, none more so than maturing teenagers. I wouldn't have a problem with the major sites having a more stringent age verification procedure, but it wouldn't really do any good. Too many leaks in that dam for all of the fingers in the world to fill.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> [Correction]😈
> If a relationship is ruined from reading a romance novel (viewing pornography other than romance novels) it's because she's (he's) not into her (his) partner, not that the romance novel (or some other form of pornography) ruined her (his) feelings and attraction towards him (her).


Yeah I'm not gonna start policing my posts for gender speak. These days a genetic he can want to go by she and a genetic she can want to go by him, it's anyone's guess, each person can fill in the pronoun they want when reading a generalization post.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> Kind of like me coming to TAM to warn others about porn… except no career boost, I’m less cool and not musically gifted 😆.. do consider myself damaged by porn though.


I would like to challenge you to say something positive about porn?

How about the notion that good can't exist without evil. Would you appreciate your wife more or less had you not had to struggle with something negative and learn to be a better person as a result.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cletus said:


> Among all of the porn users I have known in my life, which includes every single man that I have ever known beyond a casual hello on the street, none of them had their intimate relationships destroyed in that way either.
> 
> Well, there might be one, I'm not sure, but if it were the case, the women of the world should be thanking porn for a public service rendered.


Many marriages have been destroyed because of porn. Many lives damaged.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

badsanta said:


> How about the notion that good can't exist without evil. Would you appreciate your wife more or less had you not had to struggle with something negative and learn to be a better person as a result.


That's what God said after the Garden of Eden debacle.

I can't decide if I am anti-porn. On the one hand, I don't mind if my husband watches it, occasionally. I think he does. On the other; I know that most of the women and some of the men on porn are victims of abuse. I know that some of these people are trafficked at an unthinkable age. It's a turn off to think about how many people on porn are desperate for money or too young to understand the long term consequences or never had a choice. 
I guess when I really think about all the grotesque mechanisms of the production of porn, I'm a nay.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

badsanta said:


> I would like to challenge you to say something positive about porn?
> 
> How about the notion that good can't exist without evil. Would you appreciate your wife more or less had you not had to struggle with something negative and learn to be a better person as a result.


You have to understand, saying something good about what is evil doesn't compute.

Catholicdad and I do perceive pornography as evil so speaking good about it wouldn't make sense.

Good does exist just fine without evil in the Godhead but you do bring up interesting concepts about us mere mortals though I'm not sure that was your intention.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Many marriages have been destroyed because of porn. Many lives damaged.


Many sex starved marriages have been saved because of porn. No one knows the final accounting.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I have tons of those but they are not a substitute for sex.
> 
> Just not able to go several weeks without a sexual release even if its self pleasuring. Not sure many guys who can?


You don't need to watch porn for that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cletus said:


> Many sex starved marriages have been saved because of porn. No one knows the final accounting.


 Sorry just don't go with that at all. 
That's what people who run these adultery sites say, that they have saved marriages. Nonsense.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Many sex starved marriages have been saved because of porn. No one knows the final accounting.


And applying those standards, so have affairs.😉

I do have a lot of sympathy for sexually deprived spouses though so don't get me wrong.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> And applying those standards, so have affairs.😉
> 
> I do have a lot of sympathy for sexually deprived spouses though so don't get me wrong.


It's probably true. Real life is messy and doesn't follow our notions of right and wrong all the time. 

Being able to admit that is central to having any kind of rational fact based conversation. You will never hear me say that porn is never a bad thing. But it is not only ever a bad thing, either. The correlation between pornography availability and reduced sexual violence being one such topic.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Cletus said:


> Many sex starved marriages have been saved because of porn. No one knows the final accounting.


If it takes porn to save a particular marriage - SHOULD that marriage even be saved????


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cletus said:


> It's probably true. Real life is messy and doesn't follow our notions of right and wrong all the time.
> 
> Being able to admit that is central to having any kind of rational fact based conversation. You will never hear me say that porn is never a bad thing. But it is not only ever a bad thing, either. The correlation between pornography availability and reduced sexual violence being one such topic.


Yet many child abusers and murderers for example were found to have child porn on their computers. It didn't stop them from acting on their fantasies. 
People who feed their skewed sexual fantasies by watching porn are only one step away from acting on it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> If it takes porn to save a particular marriage - SHOULD that marriage even be saved????


Its not a marriage in any sense of the word.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Sorry just don't go with that at all.
> That's what people who run these adultery sites say, that they have saved marriages. Nonsense.


This could be a whole other topic for another thread.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Yet many child abusers and murderers for example were found to have child porn on their computers. It didn't stop them from acting on their fantasies.
> *People who feed their skewed sexual fantasies by watching porn are only one step away from acting on it*.


I'm going to disagree with you on this one. You honestly sound like someone with no experience at all with porn, which is of course totally fine. All porn isn't the same. This is a super broad brush.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

CatholicDad said:


> do consider myself damaged by porn though.


I'm sorry you feel this way. I've watched porn and I don't feel damaged by it. I don't remember the last time I watched it, but if I watch it again I don't think I'm going to feel damaged.

I watched porn by mistake when I was a child at my grandma's house. My uncle had the only VHS in his room and my cousin and I wanted to watch a movie. We hit the play button and there it was! Sex on video! I was 8 I think. Years later my older cousins were betting my uncle still had porn in his VHS. We went and checked it out, and yep, he had a tape in his VHS. We made so many jokes about it. I have 20 cousins, this means 20 young people knew about the porn tapes. The majority of us are in our 40's now and I don't think we were damaged. 

I understand things are different now. I had the talk with my 13 year old after checking his browsing history and finding out he was visiting porn dot com. Now I have filters in my router and other stuff, but I don't see it possible to stop him from watching porn if he really wants to watch it. He's not going to tell me either, and kids at that age don't have a filter. They don't see danger. Hormones and impulsiveness rule their bodies. 

So, my question is, what did you watch to make you feel damaged and what do you do at home to protect your kids from porn damage?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Its not a marriage in any sense of the word.


Now you're just plain out of line. God did not put you on the planet to determine whose marriage is valid and whose is not.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Cletus said:


> Now you're just plain out of line. God did not put you on the planet to determine whose marriage is valid and whose is not.


No she’s not not the one to determine who’s marriages are valid or not, but the question remains valid. If there is a marriage that requires porn to save it - is it worth saving?


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> No she’s not, but the question remains valid. If there is a marriage that requires porn to save it - is it worth saving?


That is a question that can only be asked of two people in that situation. If both agree that it is the best compromise they can find, and they would both rather remain than separate, then yes. Neither you, me, nor anyone else here has the authority, moral imperative, or license to tell them otherwise.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I have tons of those but they are not a substitute for sex.
> 
> Just not able to go several weeks without a sexual release even if its self pleasuring. Not sure many guys who can?


Several weeks… that’s indicative of some other marital trouble.

When I get”desperate” I bring home my wife’s favorite wine, invite her out to dinner, or plan an overnight away…. or rent a movie for kids and steal her away to the bedroom... so many options. But yeah, it sucks…


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cletus said:


> Now you're just plain out of line. God did not put you on the planet to determine whose marriage is valid and whose is not.


Its not a faithful marriage. God is pretty clear on faithfulness in marriage and treating our spouse with respect and love.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> No she’s not not the one to determine who’s marriages are valid or not, but the question remains valid. If there is a marriage that requires porn to save it - is it worth saving?


God determines it and it's pretty clear what He says.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Offensive, deleted


I get four or five comments deleted every day by the mods. I just move forward.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

CatholicDad said:


> Several weeks… that’s indicative of some other marital trouble.
> 
> When I get”desperate” I bring home my wife’s favorite wine, invite her out to dinner, or plan an overnight away…. or rent a movie for kids and steal her away to the bedroom... so many options. But yeah, it sucks…


Then you are lucky as its not that way at my house and sure, I can get divorced but thats not really a great option either.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> I just go by what the essence of marriage is. Faithfulness, respect, honesty, love.


I agree but doesn't that go both ways and if a spouse denies the partner sex, isn't that disrespect too?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

badsanta said:


> I would like to challenge you to say something positive about porn?
> 
> How about the notion that good can't exist without evil. Would you appreciate your wife more or less had you not had to struggle with something negative and learn to be a better person as a result.


It employs a lot of smarmy cameramen?


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

@CatholicDad so what about things like OnlyFans or to an extent maybe even Instagram where the damage is self-inflicted? Are they still "victims"? Is there a point where the conversation goes from "these poor women" to "you made crappy choices".


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

pastasauce79 said:


> I'm sorry you feel this way. I've watched porn and I don't feel damaged by it. I don't remember the last time I watched it, but if I watch it again I don't think I'm going to feel damaged.
> 
> I watched porn by mistake when I was a child at my grandma's house. My uncle had the only VHS in his room and my cousin and I wanted to watch a movie. We hit the play button and there it was! Sex on video! I was 8 I think. Years later my older cousins were betting my uncle still had porn in his VHS. We went and checked it out, and yep, he had a tape in his VHS. We made so many jokes about it. I have 20 cousins, this means 20 young people knew about the porn tapes. The majority of us are in our 40's now and I don't think we were damaged.
> 
> ...


I use cleanbrowsing.org for DNS lookups in my home router, Windows 10 “Family Safety” with all my kids having their own login and age restricted browsing, and our computers are in the family room for all to see. I’ve made it clear to all that if they can’t keep the computer clean they won’t be using it. My church is on my side too.. internet filth is wrong/sinful. It’s great to have that support and know that the parents of my kids’ friends think similarly.

Damage? Mainly, I bought into the porn lie that sex can be “no strings attached”, meaningless, just a release, and has no consequences. I’m grateful I didn’t impregnate someone or catch an STD. Some porn memories are still burned into my brain…decades later- more so than actual lovers- oddly.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I agree but doesn't that go both ways and if a spouse denies the partner sex, isn't that disrespect too?


Yes but I wouldn't use it as an excuse to act badly myself.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> [Correction]😈
> If a relationship is ruined from reading a romance novel (viewing pornography other than romance novels) it's because she's (he's) not into her (his) partner, not that the romance novel (or some other form of pornography) ruined her (his) feelings and attraction towards him (her).


Not sure what you are saying. If you are finally acknowledging that your wife's chosen reading genre is not the problem, then you must be understanding that she uses reading as an escape from interacting with you. She could be reading crime thrillers, spy dramas, sci-fi etc and the result would be the same. Reading at her level of immersion is her escape from life.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Not sure what you are saying. If you are finally acknowledging that your wife's chosen reading genre is not the problem, then you must be understanding that she uses reading as an escape from interacting with you. She could be reading crime thrillers, spy dramas, sci-fi etc and the result would be the same. Reading at her level of immersion is her escape from life.


What I am saying is that Dude porn (pictures of naked women) is essentially equal to Chick porn (words written about sex acts). If one is harmful, the other is equally harmful. But if we excuse one as being merely a symptom of an already dead relationship, then there can be no harm in excusing the other.

To answer your honest question, My wife is introverted. Interacting with people (even me) drains her of personal energy. She reads Chick porn, seriously poorly written romance erotica, because Amazon offers it up for a very cheap subscription. When you are reading 12 small novels per week cost is a factor. I am happy that she is gaining some improvements in her reading choices. She will not lose the addiction easily.

To continue off-topic for just a bit. Over the last 6 weeks she has put down her book and conversed with me for more than a half hour at least 3 times. I see an honest effort. 

But, to bring this post back on topic, her escape from the pressure of human interaction took this relationship to the edge, and beyond. I firmly believe that when titillating media is used to replace healthy interaction, the relationship pays a price. Our relationship will never again be what it was off porn. We have put some boundaries in place to help prevent bad feelings, but we both know and accept the damage we have done.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Mr. Nail said:


> What I am saying is that Dude porn (pictures of naked women) is essentially equal to Chick porn (words written about sex acts). If one is harmful, the other is equally harmful. But if we excuse one as being merely a symptom of an already dead relationship, then there can be no harm in excusing the other.
> 
> To answer your honest question, My wife is introverted. Interacting with people (even me) drains her of personal energy. She reads Chick porn, seriously poorly written romance erotica, because Amazon offers it up for a very cheap subscription. When you are reading 12 small novels per week cost is a factor. I am happy that she is gaining some improvements in her reading choices. She will not lose the addiction easily.
> 
> ...


I guess you could argue "dude" porn and "chick" porn be equally harmful because of the way it creates an unrealistic expectation or takes away time otherwise spent with your SO. However, the written word has no chance of exploiting a real person, which is certainly a possibility with "dude" porn. I also think that pics and especially videos, are on a whole different level than written words. The video hits multiple senses and they are typically more immersive. This increases the chance of addiction.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I guess you could argue "dude" porn and "chick" porn be equally harmful because of the way it creates an unrealistic expectation or takes away time otherwise spent with your SO. However, the written word has no chance of exploiting a real person, which is certainly a possibility with "dude" porn. I also think that pics and especially videos, are on a whole different level than written words. The video hits multiple senses and they are typically more immersive. This increases the chance of addiction.


I think social media would be more like chick porn since it involves attention. I do get the romance novel and Disney princess angle though of unrealistic expectations.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> I get four or five comments deleted every day by the mods. I just move forward.


Ah, sorry, we get likes!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When it is your free-imagination (this only) that others wish to shut down, or berate, 'X' rate them out of your life.

For the better part of our lives, our hormones strongly demand and impose _hard_ on our senses.

Such that, _Biological Imperative.

That pressing need, it will not be denied._


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> No she’s not not the one to determine who’s marriages are valid or not, but the question remains valid. If there is a marriage that requires porn to save it - is it worth saving?


Of course it can be worth saving - not always, but what is? You could substitute many words or phrases for "porn" that pose a similar straw-man scenario.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*MODERATOR WARNING:- No threadjacks please, folks. And remember, this is not the religious section. Thank you.*


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Many marriages have been destroyed because of porn. Many lives damaged.


i would counter that many marriages, the ones where one spouse is HD and the other is LD, have been SAVED by porn. the HD one can watch the porn in private, and get off, without "inconveniencing" the LD one with that boring sex stuff.

Probably has saved a ton of marriages from the HD spouse going out to find another sex partner.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> i would counter that many marriages, the ones where one spouse is HD and the other is LD, have been SAVED by porn. the HD one can watch the porn in private, and get off, without "inconveniencing" the LD one with that boring sex stuff.
> 
> Probably has saved a ton of marriages from the HD spouse going out to find another sex partner.


As bad as it sounds, I kind of have to agree.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

This post was originally about a young woman “destroyed” by porn. I’m betting there are a LOT of young people that have had the same results but don’t share it because they are ashamed.

I doubt there are any romance novel readers that were ever “destroyed” by it… talk about a “straw man” argument. 😔


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

CatholicDad said:


> I doubt there are any romance novel readers that were ever “destroyed” by it… talk about a “straw man” argument. 😔


i wonder how many of todays controversial things related to sex are instigated by younger people introduced to weird sex practices at too young an age, or by adults where watching porn has normalized the sex acts?

For instance, the push to get young people who identify as transgender their hormonal drugs despite their parents objections.
OR the apparent normalization of Pedophilia by a lot of democrat politicians...trying to lower the age of majority and any legal penalties. i.e. those politicians and big business types who went to the pedo island of Jeffrey Epstein.

Its odd, in that porn can have obviously BAD influences as well as GOOD influences. When its bad, its VERY BAD. but when its good, it can be pretty useful too.

Odd that in today's day and age, they can not throttle the online access to porn by people under 17 years of age, or so. Google knows enough about me to show pop up ads on something i just searched for only an hour earlier...but it can not identify an 11 year old trying to stream porn onto their Xbox???


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> This post was originally about a young woman “destroyed” by porn. I’m betting there are a LOT of young people that have had the same results but don’t share it because they are ashamed.
> 
> I doubt there are any romance novel readers that were ever “destroyed” by it… talk about a “straw man” argument. 😔


If Billie was destroyed by porn, she has a weird way of showing it. She's happy enough to share her naked pics online and evidently has a sex tape out there too? She just sounds like someone who is looking for new and inventive ways to play the victim.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Enigma32 said:


> If Billie was destroyed by porn, she has a weird way of showing it. She's happy enough to share her naked pics online and evidently has a sex tape out there too? She just sounds like someone who is looking for new and inventive ways to play the victim.


Exactly, this wasn't a great example for proving the point. She has no problem objectifying herself sexually to sell her perfume.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Al_Bundy said:


> Exactly, this wasn't a great example for proving the point. She has no problem objectifying herself sexually to sell her perfume.


So she’s just a liar? I actually know nothing about her but seems harsh to discount her opinion so quickly.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

CatholicDad said:


> So she’s just a liar? I actually know nothing about her but seems harsh to discount her opinion so quickly.


Not harsh when someone says porn destroyed me, gave me nightmares...........then at the same time uses sex to sell a product. It's like she's trying to play both sides of the fence. I would say it takes away from people who were really messed up by it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Al_Bundy said:


> Not harsh when someone says porn destroyed me, gave me nightmares...........then at the same time uses sex to sell a product. It's like she's trying to play both sides of the fence. I would say it takes away from people who were really messed up by it.


Maybe in her mind it is more nuanced than that. There may be nothing wrong with expressing sexuality while also believing that degrading and abusive porn is bad for society, especially kids. Showing some skin is a far leap from porn with women getting slapped, spit on and degraded in some of the most horrific ways. Her point is valid. If 11 year old girls learn about sex from internet porn it wouldn't be a stretch to realize they may think that everything they are seeing is how everyone does it. 

I believe adults should be allowed to create porn if they choose and I believe adults should be allowed to watch that porn if they choose and not everyone may agree with that. However, I would hope that we all agree that it is far too easy for kids and teens to access porn. When you combine that with uptight parents that can barely manage a discussion about safe sex with their kids, never mind a real conversation about sexual relationships, we are bound to have a lot of men and women with very skewed impressions of what sex and sexual relationships are.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Enigma32 said:


> If Billie was destroyed by porn, she has a weird way of showing it. She's happy enough to share her naked pics online and evidently has a sex tape out there too? She just sounds like someone who is looking for new and inventive ways to play the victim.


i think her admission was code talk to mean something like "i can not orgasm now without using very kinky perverted methods".
She WISHES she could just have normal PIV sex and be happy with that.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> i think her admission was code talk to mean something like "i can not orgasm now without using very kinky perverted methods".
> She WISHES she could just have normal PIV sex and be happy with that.


Maybe, I read it as she defiled herself with depraved acts she saw because she thought they were standard issue from porn.

As for degrading acts, it depends on what you feel is degrading. Some people view plain oral sex like a BJ to be degrading, I don’t. Flushing someone’s head down the toilet or spitting on them, I do. So if she was watching stuff like that and thought it was normal I’d say she probably has some mental issues or problems at home.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Talker67 said:


> i think her admission was code talk to mean something like "i can not orgasm now without using very kinky perverted methods".
> She WISHES she could just have normal PIV sex and be happy with that.


That’s what I’m thinking. Poor kids get wrapped up in some really weird porn as they are still mentally developing and so can’t be happy with normal sex as adults. Maybe this is contributing to all the gender confusion we’re seeing these days too 🤷🏼‍♂️. So sad though. It would be difficult to keep a marriage going if your partner had some extreme things that were required for sexual fulfillment. This is probably contributing to divorce rates and less marriages too.


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## Gomezaddams51 (Jun 15, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> What she said about she wanted the guys to think she was cool and so she pretended to really like porn to do that is what really happens with young women and why they put up with that stuff when they're young and then stop it when they're older and got their wits about them.


And guys think they have an awesome girl/woman up until she changes completely and he finds she is not what he thought she was and in a lot of cases it is to late (marriage) to dump her.


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## Gomezaddams51 (Jun 15, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> I saw this story yesterday.
> 
> Wasn’t really sure what to think about it. I like that women are generally aware of different sex acts and if they’ve seen them on porn and seen people fake enjoying them then they’re more likely to attempt these things.
> 
> ...


ROFLMAO When I was a kid the closest thing we had even in High School was stealing a copy of Playboy from the Drugstore, although we did have a female teacher who brought it to her English class and claimed the articles were great reading. Most of us boys agreed with her and spent a lot of the class reading the articles..... LOL In my case the closest thing to porn was anxiously awaiting the Sears, Wards and Penny's catalogs and drooling over the women's panties.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Gomezaddams51 said:


> And guys think they have an awesome girl/woman up until she changes completely and he finds she is not what he thought she was and in a lot of cases it is to late (marriage) to dump her.


What happens is those women mature. They stopped trying to just impress the boys and become truer to themselves. But if it's any comfort there are some who will just keep doing that for approval their whole life.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i think her admission was code talk to mean something like "i can not orgasm now without using very kinky perverted methods".
> She WISHES she could just have normal PIV sex and be happy with that.


I think most people wish we could go back to a time when relationships had a more idealized sentimental aspect to it.


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## Gomezaddams51 (Jun 15, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> What happens is those women mature. They stopped trying to just impress the boys and become truer to themselves. But if it's any comfort there are some who will just keep doing that for approval their whole life.


Guys look at a woman who watches porn as someone who is willing to do things that prudish women won't. Back when I was younger I wished my wife would watch it with me. That would have been awesome but she hated sex so that was one of the reasons I divorced her. I hated being in a marriage that had no sex and I was stuck with her. I finally over came the brainwashing and divorced her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Gomezaddams51 said:


> Guys look at a woman who watches porn as someone who is willing to do things that prudish women won't. Back when I was younger I wished my wife would watch it with me. That would have been awesome but she hated sex so that was one of the reasons I divorced her. I hated being in a marriage that had no sex and I was stuck with her. I finally over came the brainwashing and divorced her.


You can love sex and still not like porn or want to do things that paid porn actresses and trafficked sex slaves do. It's completely inaccurate to call someone who doesn't like porn a prude.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Gomezaddams51 said:


> Guys look at a woman who watches porn as someone who is willing to do things that prudish women won't. Back when I was younger I wished my wife would watch it with me. That would have been awesome but she hated sex so that was one of the reasons I divorced her. I hated being in a marriage that had no sex and I was stuck with her. I finally over came the brainwashing and divorced her.


Some guys may feel that way, yet it isn't all guys.

From my own experience I've been with women who weren't into looking at pornography yet weren't prudish at all. Just as I've been with women who enjoyed looking at lots of pornography who were more restrained sexually. A always people vary in what they do and desire.

When I was with my ex-wife from before we were married and throughout our marriage, she didn't look at pornography and at that time I wasn't looking at it myself either. Yet she was into anal sex, fellatio, cunnilingus, cum facials, amongst many other activities. We even sometimes readily had sex in front of friends at parties, we also had sex in parks, on public transport etc, and she came up with the idea of golden showers as an activity we shared.

Another one of my former sexual partners was also into a smorgasbord of sexual stuff, and had for a time voluntarily did sex work when she was living in Japan. Yet she wasn't into looking at porn, yet she certainly wasn't against it, with it just not being her thing.

Amongst others, I've also dated a couple of women who were into pornography, yet their desired repertoires were rather limited. So I let them go when I found them be disappointing sexual partners.

Likewise my wife is also into a parade of sexual things, that significantly exceed my experience with my ex-wife, and she happily participates in making and sharing our own "amateur" pornography as well. Yet she isn't into looking at pornography that much. Although she certainly does look at it and enjoy it, when the mood strikes her at times. Yet it isn't a frequent thing for her, and it certainly isn't a big thing for either of us all of the time either.

From experience I think the best way to determine a woman's sexual desires and preferences, is to talk to her about it, and actually experience what she does and does not do. So I don't think it's a good idea to determine. how prudish a woman is, based upon their interest or disinterest in pornography.

That said I still think many women find themselves in sexual relationships with men that are very disappointing as sexual partners. Which probably plays a very significant role in establishing many dead bedrooms, along with boredom, other disappointments , plus resentment through other conflict as well.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You can love sex and still not like porn or want to do things that paid porn actresses and trafficked sex slaves do. It's completely inaccurate to call someone who doesn't like porn a prude.


Yep, whether a woman is a prude or otherwise, isn't down to whether they like pornography or not.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> I think most people wish we could go back to a time when relationships had a more idealized sentimental aspect to it.


And what time was that?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Gomezaddams51 said:


> And guys think they have an awesome girl/woman up until she changes completely and he finds she is not what he thought she was and in a lot of cases it is to late (marriage) to dump her.


It's never too late, to dump a dud relationship partner.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Personal said:


> And what time was that?


American ideals were different at one time, even if imperfect back then.
You'll find idealistic love more prevalent in communities where church is the arch stone of society.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> American ideals were different at one time, even if imperfect back then.
> You'll find idealistic love more prevalent in communities where church is the arch stone of society.


Sigh.

So you don't actually have a time at all.

I've read a lot about the history of sex in different human societies, from academic works and more popular books, been party to discussions and lectures and the like about the study of this sort of stuff as a historical subject.

So given that I was curious what time period you could pluck out of your behind. Since no one has achieved Eutopia in either North, Central or South America. Unless of course you are referring to those polyamorous free love communities that sprung up during the 19th century in the United States, although they didn't go well either.

Then there's the Adamites, the Cathars, Jacobins, or Utopian Socialism and on and on etc, it's such a rich field to explore.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Personal said:


> Sigh.
> 
> So you don't actually have a time at all.
> 
> ...


All I said was that it's something that people desire.
I do think that people desire pure love, even if it's just an idea.

The 1950's may not have been perfect, but it allowed people to be raised secure enough to become rocket scientists and make large advancements in science and technologies. I don't anticipate our children having the same advantages in an era where being good parents has less value that personal fulfillment.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> The 1950's may not have been perfect, but it allowed people to be raised secure enough to become rocket scientists and make large advancements in science and technologies. I don't anticipate our children having the same advantages in an era where being good parents has less value that personal fulfillment.


Well the 1950s being good is very relative, and it wasn't really all that great either for those living it. And as to raising rocket scientists, I recall doing a defence force intelligence course at the turn of this century, and one of my fellow students was a bonafide rocket scientist. And he was younger than me, so he wasn't raised in the 1950s let alone the early 1970s.

Plus let us not forget the renewed interest in space shots, as well as the fielding of hypersonic ballistic missiles. I would argue people are secure enough to raise rocket scientists today, especially since it is such a growth industry at the moment.

Oh and as an actual parent, of three now adult children. With the oldest being educated, successfully employed, considerably world travelled and happily married. With the next one being one of the highest achieving High School students in my state (receiving state recognition for his achievement), who is doing extremely well in his ongoing university degree at one of the worlds best universities, who also has a part time job. While my youngest is not doing as well since she is ill. I can say things are certainly not all that bleak either.

One thing for sure I'm glad Western Civilisation has moved on from the straitjacket of the 1950s.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> i think her admission was code talk to mean something like "i can not orgasm now without using very kinky perverted methods".
> She WISHES she could just have normal PIV sex and be happy with that.


There might be something to this. I've met some women that wanted some really messed up stuff in the bedroom. Sex has become vanilla sex which is sex as an insult.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Enigma32 said:


> There might be something to this. I've met some women that wanted some really messed up stuff in the bedroom. Sex has become vanilla sex which is sex as an insult.


well, that sounds like a learned behavior.
you have to have seen that sort of thing somewhere, or read about it, to even know to request it. 
I am not surprised that a small percent of people want to explore those extremes of sexuality.
I do get surprised when that is all they can do, and shun more normal types of sex, like just two hetero people on a bed doing PIV sex!


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